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 Chapman 
 The Ball
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 A COMEDY. 
 
 AS IT WAS FRESENTKD BY HER MAJESTY S SERVANTS AT THE PRIVATK 
 HOUSE IN DRURY f/ANE 
 
 WRITTEN BV GEORGE CHAPMAN AND JAMES SIIIRLEV. 
 
 LONDON 
 
 IMUNTEU BY THOMAS COTE9, FOR ANDREW CKOOKE, AN» 
 WILLIAM COOKE. 

 
 
 PERSONS REPRESENTED. 
 
 Lord Rainebow. 
 Sir Ambrose Lamount. 
 Sir Marmaduke Travers. 
 Colonel Winfield. 
 Mr. Bostock. 
 Mr. Freshwater. 
 Mr. Barker. 
 Monsieur Le Friske. 
 Gudgeon, Servant to Freshwater. 
 Solomon, Servant to Lucina. 
 Servants, 8fc. 
 
 Lady Lucina. 
 Lady Rosamond. 
 Lady Honoria. 
 Mi.stress Scutilia. 
 
 Venus, Diana, Cupid. 
 
 b?OA»''-3;7?C?
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 A COMEDY, 
 
 WRITTEN BY GEORGE CHAPMAN AND JAMES SHIRLEY. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED FOR CHARLES BALDWYN, NEWGATE-STREET- 
 
 MDCCCXXIV.
 
 LONDON : 
 
 Printed by D. S. Maurice, Fenchurch-stteet.
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 This excellent old Comedy \vas licensed to be acted on the 
 16th of November, 1632, and the representation appears, 
 from the M8S. of Sir Henry Herbert, the Master of the 
 Revels, to have given great offence. " In the play of The 
 Ball" says he, " written by Shirley, and acted by the 
 Queen's Players, there were divers personated so lively, 
 both of Lords and others of the Court, that I took it ill, 
 and would have forbidden the Play, but that Biston [Chris- 
 topher Beeston] promised many things, which I found 
 fault withal, should be left out, and that he would not 
 suffer it to be done by the Poet any more, who deserves to 
 be punished; and the first that offends in this kind, of 
 Poets or Players, shall be sure of public punishment." 
 From an allusion to this Play in the following passage in 
 Shirley's iMdii of Vleasur", it appears not unlikely that the 
 admonition of the Master of the Revels induced the poets 
 to leave out some of the more obnoxious parts in tlic pub- 
 lication of it. 
 
 " Another game you Iiave, which consumes more 
 Your fame than purse, your revels in the night, 
 Your meetings, cali'd The Hall, to which appear, 
 As to the Court of Pleasure, all your gallants 
 And ladies, thither bound by a subpoena 
 Of Venus and small Cupid's high displeasure:
 
 'Tis but the Family of Love, translated 
 
 Into more costly sin : there was a play on't ; 
 
 And had the Poet not been brib'd to a modest 
 
 Expression of your antic gambols in't. 
 
 Some darks had been discovered ; and the deeds too ; 
 
 In time he may repent, and make some blush, 
 
 To see the second part danc'd on the stage." 
 
 According- to Sir Henry Herbert, in the passage above 
 quoted. The Ball was written by Shirley, and from internal 
 evidence we should say, that if not the whole yet the 
 greater part was written by him. There is more nicety 
 and discrimination in the characters than Chapman was 
 capable of, and the humour is chiefly of that kind in which 
 Shirley delights and excels.
 
 THE B A L L. 
 
 ACT I. SCENE!. 
 
 Kntfir Sir Marmaduke Travers and Mr. Rostock. 
 
 Bos. Whither so fast, Sir Marmaduke? a wonl. 
 
 Mnr. My honorable blood ! would I could stay 
 To give thee twenty : I am now engag'd 
 To meet a noble gentleman. 
 
 Bos. Or rather 
 A gentlewoman ; let her alone, and go 
 With me. 
 
 Mar. Whither? 
 
 Bos. I'll shew thee a lady of fire. 
 
 Mar. A lady of the lake were not so dangerous. 
 
 Bos. I mean a spirit ; in few words, because 
 I love thee, I'll be open ; I am going 
 To see my mistress. 
 
 Mar. I'll dispense with my 
 
 B
 
 2 THE BALL. 
 
 Occasion to see a handsome lady, 
 I know you'll chuse a rare one. 
 
 Bos. She is a creature 
 Worth admiration ; such a beauty, wit. 
 And an estate besides — thou canst not chuse 
 But know her name, the Lady Lucina. 
 
 Mar. Is she your mistress ? 
 
 Bos. Mine ! whose but mine ? 
 Am I not nobly born? does not my blood 
 Deserve her ? 
 
 Mar. To tell you truth, I was now going thither. 
 Though I pretended an excuse, and with 
 A compliment from one that is your rival. 
 
 Bos. Does she love any body else ? 
 
 Mar. I know not. 
 But she has half a score, upon my knowledge. 
 Are suitors for her favour. 
 
 Bos. Name but one. 
 And if he cannot shew as many coats — 
 
 Mar. He thinks he has good cards for her, and likes 
 His game well. 
 
 Bos. Be an understanding knight. 
 And take my meaning ; if he cannot shew 
 As much in heraldry — 
 
 Mar. I do not know how rich he is in fields. 
 But he is a gentleman. 
 
 Bos. Is he a branch of the nobility ? 
 How many lords can he call cousin ? else 
 He must be taught to know he has presum'd 
 To stand in competition with me.
 
 TIIK BALL. 
 
 Mnr. Yoli will not kill him ? 
 
 Bos. You shall panlou ino ; 
 I have that within nie must not be provok'd, 
 There be some living- now that have been kill'd 
 For lesser matters. 
 
 Mar. Some living that have been kill'd ! 
 
 Bos. I mean some living that have seen examples, 
 Not to confront nobility; and I 
 Am sensible of my honour. 
 
 Mar. His name is 
 Sir Ambrose. 
 
 Bos. Lamount : a knight of yesterday. 
 And he shall die to-morrow; name another. 
 
 Mar. Not so fast, sir ; you must take some breath. 
 
 Bos. I care no more for killing half a dozen 
 Knights of the lower house ; T mean that are not 
 Descended from nobility, than I do 
 To kick any footman ; an' Sir Ambrose were 
 Knight of the Sun, king Oberon should not save him. 
 Nor his queen Mab. 
 
 Enter Sir Ambrose Lamount. 
 
 Mar. Unluckily he's here, sir. 
 
 Bos. Sir Ambrose, 
 How does thy knighthood ? ha ! 
 
 Amh. My nymph of honour, well ; I joy to see thee. 
 
 Bos. Sir Marmaduke tells me thou art suitor to 
 Lady Lucina. 
 
 Amh. I have ambition 
 To be her servant.
 
 4 THE BALL. 
 
 Bos. Hast ? thou'rt a brave knight, and I commend 
 Thy judgement. 
 
 ^mb. Sir Marmaduke himself leans that \v\iy too. 
 
 Bos. Why didst conceal it ? Come, the more the merrier. 
 But I could never see you there. 
 
 3fnr. I hope. 
 Sir, we may live. 
 
 Bos. I'll tell you, gentlemen, 
 Cupid has given us all one livery ; 
 I serve that lady too ; you understand me : 
 But who shall carry her, the fates determine ; 
 I could be knighted too. 
 
 ^ml). That would be no addition to 
 Your blood. 
 
 Bos. I think it would not ; so my lord told me ; 
 Thou know'st my lord, not the earl, my other 
 Cousin; there's a spark his predecessors 
 Have match'd into the blood ; you understand 
 He put me upon this lady ; I proclaim 
 No hopes ; pray let's together, gentlemen ; 
 If she be wise — I say no more ; she shall not 
 Cost me a sigh, nor shall her love engage me 
 To draw a sword, I have vow'd that. 
 Mar. You did but jest before. 
 Jmb. 'Twere pity that one drop 
 Of your heroic blood should fall to th' ground : 
 Who knows but all your cousin lords may die. 
 Mar. As I believe them not immortal, sir. 
 Jmb. Then you are gulf of honour, swallow all. 
 May marry some queen yourself, and get princes
 
 IHK BALL. O 
 
 To furnish the barren parts of Christendom. 
 Enter Solomon. 
 
 Sol. Sir Marmaduke ! in private : my lady woukl 
 Speak with you. [aside to Sir Mannnduke. 
 
 Amb. 'Tis her servant, what's the matter ? 
 
 Bos. I hope he is not sent for. 
 
 Sol. But come alone, I shall be troubled 
 With their inquiries, but I'll answer 'em. 
 
 Amh. Solomon ! [takes him aside. 
 
 Sol. My lady would speak with you, sir. 
 
 Amd. Me ? 
 
 Sol. Not too loud ; I was troubled with Sir Marmaduke. 
 
 Mar. This is good news. [aside. 
 
 Bos. I do not like this whispering. 
 
 Sol. [to Sir Amb^ Forget not the time, and to come alone. 
 
 Amb. This is excellent. [aside. 
 
 Bos. Solomon, dost not know me ? [takes him aside. 
 
 Sol. My business is to you, sir ; these 
 Kept me off; my lady Lucina 
 Has a great mind to speak with you. 
 Little do these imagine how she honours you. 
 
 Bos. If I fail, may the surgeon. 
 
 When he opens the next vein, let out all my honorable 
 
 blood : 
 
 There's for thy pains ; what thou shall be hereafter 
 
 Time shall declare ; but this must be conceal'd. 
 
 [exit Solomon. 
 
 Amb. You look pleasant. 
 
 Mar. No, no ; I have no cause j you smile. Sir Ambrose.
 
 6 THE BALL. 
 
 A)i>6. Who, I?— The Colonel. 
 
 J^Hter the Colonel. 
 
 M<tr. But of our file, another of her suitors. 
 
 Amh. Noble Colonel. 
 
 Col. My honoured knights, and men of lusty kindred. 
 
 Bos. Good morrow. 
 
 Col. Morrow to all gentlemen : I'll tell you 
 Who is retum'd. 
 
 Ami). From whence ? 
 
 Col. A friend of ours that went to travel. 
 
 Mar. Who, who ? 
 
 Col. I saw him mthin these three minutes, and know 
 not how I lost him again; he's not far oflf: d'ye keep a ca- 
 talogue of youi' debts ? 
 
 Bos. What debts ? 
 
 Col. Such dulness in your memory ! there was 
 About six months ago a gentleman 
 That was persuaded to sell all his laud. 
 And to put the money out most \visely. 
 To have five for one at his return from Venice : 
 The shotten herring is hard by. 
 
 Amb. Jack Freshwater ! I'll not see him yet. 
 
 Bos. Must we pay him ? 
 
 Col. It will be for your honour ; marry, we. 
 Without much stain, may happily compound. 
 And pay him nothing. 
 
 Enter Freshwater, Monsieur Le Friske, and Gudgeon. 
 Here comes the thing !
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 With what formality he treads, and talks. 
 And mauan^eth a toothpick like a statesman. 
 
 Amb. How he's transform 'd ! 
 
 Mar. Is not his soul Italian ? 
 
 Bos. I'll not bid him welcome home. 
 
 Amb. Nor I. 
 
 Mar. What's the other rat that's with him ? 
 
 Col. D'ye not know him ; 'tis the court dancing weasel. 
 
 Mar. A dancer, and so gay ! 
 
 Col. A mere French footman, sir ; does he not look 
 Like a thing come oflf o'th' saltcellar? 
 
 Mar. A dancer? 
 I would allow him gay about the legs. 
 But why his body should exceed decorum. 
 Is a sin o'th' state. 
 
 Fres. That's all [to Le Friske. 
 
 I can inform you of their dance in Italy ; 
 Marry, that very morning I left Venice, 
 I had intelligence of a new device. 
 
 Le Fris. For the dance, Monsieur? 
 
 Fres. Si, signior : I know not 
 What countryman invented, but they say 
 There be chopinoes made with such rare art. 
 That, worn by a lady, when she means to dance. 
 Shall with their very motion sound forth music. 
 And by a secret sympathy with their trsad 
 Strike any tune, that without other instrument. 
 Their feet both dance and play. 
 
 Le Fris. Your lodging. Monsieur ? 
 That when 1 have leisure I may dare
 
 H THE BALL. 
 
 Present an humble servitetir. 
 
 Fren. I do lie 
 At the sign of Donna Margarettu de Pia 
 In the Strand. 
 
 Gud. At the Magget a Pie in the Strand, sir. 
 
 Le Fris. At de Magdepie, bon, adieu, serviteur. \exit. 
 
 Amb. He will not know us. 
 
 Gud. D'ye see those gentlemen ? 
 
 Fres. Thou Pantalone,* be silent. 
 
 Col. I'll speak to him : 
 You're welcome home, sir. 
 
 Fres. Signior! \ej;it. 
 
 Col. He will not know me, this is excellent : 
 He shall be acquainted l)etter, ere I part 
 With any sums. 
 
 Amb. Next time we'll not know him. 
 
 Bos. Would all my creditors had this blessed ignorance ! 
 
 Mar. Now, colonel, Pll take my leave. 
 
 \eweunt Sir Marmnduhe and Sir Ambrose. 
 
 Bos. I am engag'd too. 
 
 Col. Well. 
 
 Bos. I shall meet you anon, 
 I am to wait upon a cousin of mine. 
 
 Col. A countess ? 
 
 * Pantalone. In the old edition this word is spelt Plata/one, which is most 
 probably an error of the press. That a person who pretends to have just re- 
 turned from Venice, and who affects, in consequence, a knowledge of the Ita- 
 lian language, should sprinkle his conversation with Italian, is likely enough. 
 The character of Pantalone (an old roan) was common on the Italian stage, and 
 is, it is conjectured, used here in the sense of Dotard.
 
 THE BALI,. J 
 
 Bos. My lord. 
 
 Enter Lord Rainebow and Barker. 
 
 Lord R. Cousin ! 
 
 Bos. Your lordsliip honours me in this acknuw ledgeineut. 
 
 Lord R. Colonel ! 
 
 Bos. D'ye not know me, sir ? 
 
 Bar. You're not a proclamation that every man is bound 
 to take notice of, and I cannot tell who you are by instinct. 
 
 Lord R. A kinsman of mine, Frank. 
 
 Col. Good mon-ow to your lordship. 
 
 Lord R. Colonel, your humble servant ; hark you, 
 Frank ! [eweunt Lord Rainebotc and Barker. 
 
 Bos. You are acquainted with my lord then. 
 Is he not a complete gentleman ? his family 
 Came in with the Conqueror. 
 
 Col. You had not else been kin to him. 
 
 Bos. A poor slip, a scion from that honorable tree. 
 
 Col. He is the ladies' idol, they have not leisure 
 To say their prayers for him ; a great advancer 
 Of the new ball. 
 
 Bos. Nay, he's right, right as my leg, colonel. 
 
 Col. But t' other gentleman, you do not know his inside. 
 
 Bos. I have seen him ; he looks philosophical. 
 
 Col. Who ! he's the wit, whom your nobility 
 Are much oblig'd to for his company ; 
 He has a railing genius, and they cherish it. 
 Flings dirt in every face when he's i' the humour. 
 And they must laugh, and thank him ; he is dead else. 
 
 Bos. Will the lords suffer him ?
 
 10 THE BALL. 
 
 Col. Or lose their mirth ; he's known in every science, 
 And can abuse 'em all ; some have supposed 
 He has a Avorm in's brain, which at some time 
 O' the moon doth ravish him into perfect madness ; 
 And then he prophecies, and will depose 
 The emperor, and set up Bethlem Gabor.* 
 
 Bos. He's dead ; I hope he will not conjure for him. 
 
 Col. His father shall not 'scape him nor his ghost, 
 Nor heaven, nor hell, his jest must have free passage; 
 He's gone ! and I lose time to talk of him : 
 Farewell ! Your countess may expect too long. 
 
 Bos. Farewell ! colonel. [exeunt. 
 
 SCENE n. 
 
 Enter Lady Rosamond, and Lady Honoria. 
 
 Ros. Why do you so commend him ? 
 
 Hon. Does he not 
 Deserve it ? Name a gentleman in the kingdom. 
 So affable, so moving in his language. 
 So pleasant, witty, indeed every thing 
 A lady can desire. 
 
 Ros. Sure thou dost love him; 
 I'll tell his lordship, when I see him again. 
 How zealous you are in his commendation. 
 
 Hon. If I be not mistaken, I have heard 
 Your tongue reach higher in his praises, madam, 
 
 * Bethlem Gabor, the famous Prince of Transylvania, being proclaimed 
 King of Hungary, was opposed by the Emperor, and obliged to conclude a peace 
 in 1624.
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 Howe'er you now seem cold ; but if you tell hiiu 
 My opinion, as you shall do him no pleasure. 
 You can do me no injury ; I know 
 His lordship has the constitution 
 Of other courtiers — they can endure 
 To be commended. 
 
 lios. But, I pr'ythee, tell me, 
 Is't not love whence this proceeds ? I have, 
 I must confess, discours'd of his j^ood parts, 
 Desir'd his company. 
 Hon. And had it ? 
 Ros. Yes, and had it. 
 Hon. All night. 
 
 Ros. You are not, I hope, jealous : 
 If I should say all night, I need not blush. 
 It was but at a ball ; but what of this ? 
 Hon. E'en what you will. 
 Ros. I hope you have no patent 
 To dance alone with him ; if he have privilege 
 To kiss another lady, she may say 
 He does salute her, and return a curtesey 
 To shew her breeding ; but I'll now be plainer : 
 Although you love this lord, it may be possible 
 He may dispose his thoughts another way. 
 Hon. He may so. 
 
 Ros. Who can help it ? he has eyes 
 'I'o look on more than one, and understands. 
 Perhaps to guide and place his love upon 
 The most deserving object. 
 Hon. Most deserving ! 
 
 11
 
 12 THE BALL. 
 
 This language is not level with that friendship 
 You have profess'd ; this touches a comparison. 
 
 Ros. Why do you think all excellence is throng'd 
 Within your beauty ! 
 
 Hon. You are angry, lady ; 
 How much does this concern you to be thus 
 Officious in his cause, if you be not 
 Engag'd by more than ordinary aflfection ; 
 I must interpret this no kind respect 
 To me. 
 
 Ros. Angry ! ha, ha ! 
 
 Hoti. You then transgress against civility. 
 
 Ros. Good madam, why ? because 
 I think and tell you that another lady 
 May be as handsome in some man's opinion; 
 Admit I lov'd him too, may not I hold 
 Proportion with you, on some entreaty ? 
 
 Enter Lord Rainebow. 
 
 Lord R. They're loud, I'll not be seen yet. 
 
 Ros. What is it that exalts you above all 
 Comparison ? my father was as good 
 A gentleman, and my mother has as great 
 A spirit. 
 
 Hon. Then you love him too ? 
 
 Ros. 'Twill appear 
 No greater miracle in me, I take it : 
 Yet difference will be, perhaps I may 
 Affect him with a better consequence.
 
 THE BALL. 13 
 
 Hon. Your consequence perhaps may be denied too : 
 Why there are no such wonders in your eye. 
 Which other compositions do not boast of. 
 My lord, no doubt, hath in his travels clapp'd 
 As modest cheeks, and kiss'd as melting lips. 
 
 Ros. And yet mine are not pale. 
 
 Hon. It may be, they blush for the teeth behind them. 
 
 Ros. I have read 
 No sonnets on the sweetness of your breath. 
 
 Hon. 'Tis not perfum'd. 
 
 Ros. But I have heard your tongue exalted much. 
 Highly commended. 
 
 Hon. Not above your forehead. 
 When you have brush'd away the hairy penterush,* 
 And made it visible. 
 
 Lord R. I'll now interrupt 'em ; 
 They'll fall by the ears else presently- \]io comes forward. 
 
 Hon. Wy lord. 
 
 Lord R. What, in contention, ladies ? 
 
 Ros. Oh, ray lord, you're welcome. 
 
 Lord R. Express it in discovery of that 
 Made you so earnest ; I am confident 
 You were not practising a dialogue 
 To entertain me. 
 
 Hon. Yet it did concern you. 
 
 Ros. Do not you blush ? fie, madam. 
 
 * Penterush is printed pentehrush in the original edition. It is proliable, 
 the author intended to write penterush, meaning a penthouse, the overhanging 
 roofs and porches of houses being then usually thatched with rushes; although 
 I have never seen the word used before.
 
 14 THE BALL. 
 
 LordR. Nay, an' you come to blush once, and fie, madam, 
 I'll know the secret, by this kiss I will. 
 And this. \he kisses them both. 
 
 Hon. You were kiss'd first, discover now 
 At your discretion. 
 
 Ros. My lord, we were in jest. 
 
 Hon. It might have turn'd to earnest, if your lordshii> 
 Had not interpos'd. 
 
 Lord R. Come, out with it. 
 
 Ros. We had a difference. 
 
 Lord R. Well said. 
 
 Ros. About a man in the world ; you had best name him 
 
 Hon. You have the better gift at telling secrets. 
 
 Lord R. Yet again, come I'll help it out ; there is 
 A gentleman in the world, some call a lord. 
 
 Ros. Did your lordship overhear us ? 
 
 Lord R. Nay, nay, you must stand to 't — one whom yon 
 Love ; it will appear no greater miracle 
 In you, I take it ; one, no doubt, that hath 
 Travell'd, and clapp'd as modest cheeks, and kiss'd 
 As melting lips ; thus far I'm right, but what 
 Name this most happy man doth answer to. 
 Is not within my circle. 
 
 Hon. Yet you know him. 
 
 Ros Not to retain your lordship longer in the dark, 
 Confident you'll not accuse my modesty 
 For giving you a truth, you shall not travel 
 Beyond yourself to find his name ; but do not 
 Triumph, my lord. 
 
 Lord R. Am I so fortunate ?
 
 THE BALL. 15 
 
 Then, love, I do forgive thee, and will cherish 
 The flame I did suspect would ruin me ; 
 You two divide my love, only you two ; 
 Be gentle in your empire, heavenly ladies ! 
 No enemy abroad can threaten you. 
 Be careful, then, that you maintain at home 
 No civil wars. 
 
 Hon. How d'ye mean, my lord? 
 
 Lord R. You are pleas'd to smile upon me, gentle lady; 
 And I have took it in my heart more than 
 Imaginary blessings ; with what pleasure 
 Could I behold this beauty, and consume 
 INly understanding to know nothing else. 
 My memory to preserve no other figure. 
 
 Ros. My lord, I am not worth your flattery. 
 
 Lord R. I flatter you? Venus herself be judge, 
 To whom you are so like in all that's fair, 
 'Twere sin but to be modest. 
 
 Ros. How, my lord ? 
 
 Lord R. Do not mistake me ; 'twere 
 A sin but to be modest in your praises : 
 Here's a hand, nature shew me such another ; 
 A brow, a cheek, a lip, and every thing. 
 Happy am I that Cupid's blind. 
 
 Ros. Why happy ? 
 
 Lord R. If he could see, he would forsake his mistress 
 To be my rival, and for thy embraces 
 Be banish'd heaven. 
 
 Hon. My lord, I'll take my leave. 
 
 Lord R. If you did know liow great a part of me
 
 16 THE BALL. 
 
 Will wither in your absence, you would liave 
 
 More charity ; one accent of unkind 
 
 Languag-e from you doth wound me more than all 
 
 The malice of my destinies ; oh, dear madam. 
 
 You say you'll take your leave of your poor servant ; 
 
 Say, rather, you will dwell for ever here, 
 
 And let me stay and gaze upon 
 
 Your heavenly form. 
 
 Hon. I can be patient 
 To hear your lordship mock me ; these are but 
 A coarse reward for my good thoughts. 
 
 Lord R. This 'tis to use plain dealing, and betray the inside 
 Of our hearts to women ; did you think well of me 
 So late, and am I forfeited already. 
 Am I a Christian ? 
 
 Hon. Yes, I hope, my lord. 
 
 Lord R. Make me not miserable then, dear madam. 
 With your suspicion ; I dissemble with you ! 
 But you know too well what command your beauty 
 Has upon me. 
 
 Hon. Give me leave. 
 My lord, to wonder you can love me. 
 With such a flame you have express'd, yet she 
 Your mistress. 
 
 Lord R. You are both my mistresses. 
 
 Ros. I like not this so well. 
 
 Lord R. There is no way but one to make me happy. 
 
 Hon. I wish, my lord, I had the art to effect 
 What you desire. 
 Ros. Or I.
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 17 
 
 Lord R. It is within 
 Your powers. 
 
 Hon. Speak it, my lord. 
 
 Lord R. Since it is so 
 That I'm not able to determine which 
 IVIy heart, so equal unto both, would chuse. 
 My suit is to your virtues ; to agree 
 Between yourselves, whose creature I shall be. 
 You can judge better of your worths than I ; 
 My allegiance shall be ready, if you can 
 Conclude which shall have the supremacy ; 
 Take pity on your servant, gentle ladies. 
 And reconcile a heart too much divided : 
 So, with the promise of my obedience 
 To her that shall be fairest, wisest, sweetest 
 Of you two, when I next present a lover, 
 I take distracted leave. {eccH. 
 
 Hon. Why, this is worse than all the rest. 
 
 Ros. He's gone. 
 And has referr'd himself to us. 
 
 Hon. This will 
 Ask counsel. 
 
 Ros. And some time ; I would be loth 
 To yield. 
 
 Hon. And I ; Cupid instruct us both. [exeunt.
 
 J8 THE BALL. 
 
 ACT II. SCENE I. 
 Enter Barker, Freshwater, and Gudgeon. 
 
 Bar. And what made you undertake this voyage. 
 Sweet Signior Freshwater ? 
 
 Fres. An aflfection 
 I had to be acquainted with some countries. 
 
 Gud. Give him good words. 
 
 Bar. And you return fraught home with the rich devices. 
 Fashions of steeples, and the situations 
 Of gallowses, and wit, no doubt, a bushel. 
 What price are oats in Venice ? 
 
 Fres. Signior, 
 I kept no horses there, my man and I — 
 
 Bar. Were asses. 
 
 Fres. How, signior? 
 
 Gud. Give him good words, a pox take him. 
 
 Bar. Had not you land once ? 
 
 Fres. I had some dirty acres. 
 
 Gud. I am his mtness. 
 
 Fres. Which I reduced into a narrow compass. 
 Some call it selling. 
 
 Gud. He would sell bargains of a child. 
 
 Fres. And 'twas a thriving policy. 
 
 Bar. As how ? 
 
 Fres. It was but two hundred pound per annum, sir ; 
 A lean revenue. 
 
 Bar. And did you sell it all ?
 
 THE BALL. 19 
 
 Fres. I did not leave an acre, rod, or perch ; 
 That had been no discretion : when I was selling 
 I would sell to purpose ; do you see this roll ? 
 I have good security for my money, sir. 
 Not an egg here but has five chickens in't ; 
 I did most politickly disburse my sums. 
 To have five for one at my return from Venice, 
 And now I thank my stars I am at home. 
 
 Bar. And so, by consequence, in three months your estate 
 Will be five times as much, or quintupled. 
 
 Fres. Yes, signior, quintupled ; 
 I will not purchase, yet I mean to use 
 This trick seven years together ; first 
 I'll still put out, and quintuply as you call't ; 
 And when I can in my exchequer tell 
 Two or three millions, I will fall a purchasing. 
 
 Bar. Kingdoms, I warrant. 
 
 Fres. I have a mind to buy 
 Constantinople from the Turk, and give it 
 The emperor. 
 
 Bar. What think you of Jerusalem ? 
 If you would purchase that, and bring it nearer. 
 The Christian pilgrims would be much oblig'd to you. 
 When did you wash your socks ? 
 
 Fres. I wear none, signior. 
 
 Bar. Then 'tis your breath ; to your lodging and perfume 
 it! 
 You'll tell the sweeter lies to them that will 
 Lose so much time to ask about your travel : 
 You will not sell your debts ?
 
 20 THE BALL. 
 
 Fres. Sell 'em ? no, signior. 
 Bar. Have you as much left in ready cash as will 
 Keep you and this old troul a fortnight longer ? 
 Die, and forgive the world ! thou may'st be buried. 
 And have the church-cloth, if you can put in 
 Security the parish shall be put 
 To no more charge ; dost thou hope to have a penny 
 Of thy own money back ? is this an age 
 Of five for one ? die ere the town take notice ! 
 There is a hideous woman carries ballads, 
 And has a singing in her head j take heed 
 And hang thyself, thou may'st not hear the time : 
 You remember Coryat.* 
 
 Fres. Honest Tom Odcombe. 
 
 Bar. We'll have more verses o* thy travels, coxcomb ; 
 Books shall be sold in bushels in Cheapside, 
 And come in like the peascods, wain loads full 
 Of thee, and thy man Apple John, that looks 
 As he had been a se'nnight in the straw 
 A ripening for the market ; farewell, russeting ! 
 Thou art not worth my spleen ; do not forget 
 My counsel ; hang thyself, and thou go'st oflf 
 Without a sessions. [ewit. 
 
 Fres. Fine ! I'm glad he's gone. Gudgeon, what dost 
 
 thou think ? 
 Gud. I think you're well rid of a railing madcap. 
 
 * Tom Coryat of Odcombe, called the Leg-stretcher; a man who aspired 
 to the reputation of a wit and a traveller with equal want of success, as may be 
 seen by any one who will take the trouble to consult his " Crudities."
 
 THE BALL. 21 
 
 Fres. Nay, nay, he'll not spare a lord : 
 But were not I best call in my monies. Gudgeon? 
 My estate will not hold out ; I must be more 
 Familiar with my gentlemen. 
 
 Enter Lord Rainebow. 
 
 Lord R. Jack Freshwater ! welcome from Venice. 
 
 Fres. I thank your honour. 
 
 Lord R. Was it not Frank Barker that parted from you ? 
 
 Fres. Yes, my lord. 
 
 Lord R. What's the matter ? 
 
 Fres. There is a sum, my lord. 
 
 Lord R. Where is it, signior ? 
 
 Fres. There was a sum, my lord, deliver'd 
 From your poor servant Freshwater. 
 
 Lord R. I remember : 
 But I have business now ; come home to me. 
 The money's safe ; you were to give me five 
 For one at your return. 
 
 Fres. I, five ? Your lordship has forgot the cinquepace. 
 
 Lord R. Something it is, but when I am at leisure 
 We will discourse of that, and of your travel ; 
 Farewell, signior. [exit. 
 
 Fres. Is't come to this ? if lords play fast and loose. 
 What shall poor knights, and gentlemen ? 
 Hum, 'tis he. 
 
 Enter Colonel. 
 
 Col. A pox upon him ! what makes he in my way ? 
 Fres. Noble colonel.
 
 22 THE BALL. 
 
 Col. Que dites vous, monsieur ? 
 
 Fres. Qtie dites vous! 
 
 Col. Out, Je ne parle pas Anglois.* 
 
 Fres. There were five Englisli pieces. 
 
 Col. Je ne parle pas Ang-lois, me speak no word Eng- 
 lish ; 
 Voire serviteur. [ewit. 
 
 Fres. Adieu five pieces. 
 Gudgeon gape, is't not he ? 
 They will not use me o'this fashion : 
 Did he not speak to me i'the morning ? 
 
 Gud. Yes, sir. 
 
 Fres. I think so. 
 
 Gud. But then you would not know him in Italian, 
 And now he will not know you in French. 
 
 Fres. Call you this selling of land, and putting out money 
 To multiply estate ? 
 
 Gud. To quintuply five for one ; large interest. 
 
 Fres. Five for one ! 'tis ten to one if I get my principal. 
 
 Gud. Your roll is not at the bottom yet, try the rest. 
 
 Fres. I have : signior, farewell. [e.veunl. 
 
 Enter Scutilla and Solomon. 
 
 Scu. Didst speak with the colonel? 
 
 Sol. I met him opportunely after all the rest, 
 
 * The printer has made strange words out of the French introduced in 
 diflfeient parts of the dialogue; but, it is presumed, the author intended that 
 the Colonel should speak it correctly.
 
 THE BALL. 23 
 
 And told him how much it would concern 
 His livelihood to make haste. 
 
 Scu. He must not be seen yet ; you know where 
 To attend for him : give him access by 
 The garden to my chamber, and bring 
 Me nimbly knowledge when he is there. 
 
 Sol. I shall, forsooth. [tf.i?V. 
 
 SCENE n. 
 
 Etiter Motis\EVR Le Friske, Lady Rosamond, Lady Lucina, 
 and Lady Honoria. 
 
 Le Fris. Very well, an dat be skirvy, you run trot, trot, 
 trot ; psha, follow me, fout madame, can you not tell so 
 often learning ? — Madame, you foot it now, P/ait il ? 
 
 \to another Lady who dances. 
 Excellent, better den excellent, psha — you be laughed 
 When you come to de ball ; I teach tree hundred, never 
 Forgot so much, me sweat taking pain, and fiddling 
 Ladies. 
 
 Luc. Fiddling ladies, you molecatcher. [she strikes him. 
 
 Le Fris. Pourquoi ? for telling you 
 Dance not well, you commit faut, and beat me for my 
 Diligence, begar, you dance your pleasure. 
 
 Hon. No, Monsieur Le Frishe, put not up your pipe; my 
 lady 
 Was but in jest, and you must take it for a favour. 
 
 Le Fris. I veare no favours in dat place ; shoxild any gen- 
 tleman
 
 24 THE BALL. 
 
 Of England give mo. blow, diable, me teach him French 
 
 Ros. Nay, you shall not be so angry ; I must have a co- 
 rante : 
 Pray, madam, be reconcil'd. 
 
 Lttc. Come, monsieur, I am sorry. 
 
 Le Fris. Sorre, tat is too much, par ma foi ! I kiss tat 
 white hand, give me one, two, tree buffets ; allez, allez, 
 look up your countenance, your English man spoil you, 
 he no teach you look up ; psha, carry your body in the 
 swimming fashion, and den allez Mademoiselle, ha, ha, ha! 
 ^Oyfort bon, excellent, begar. [they dunce. 
 
 Luc. Nay, a country dance, Scutilla ; you are idle. 
 You know we must be at the ball anon, come. 
 
 Le Fris. ^^^lere is the ball this night ? 
 
 Luc. At my Lord Rainebow's. 
 
 Le Fris. Oh, he dance finely, begar ; he deserve the ball 
 of de world : fine, fine gentleman, your oder men dance, 
 lop, lop with de lame leg, as they want crushes, begar ; 
 and look for argent in the ground, psha. 
 
 [they dance a new country dance. 
 Ha ! ha ! fort bon. 
 
 Ros. Now, madam, we take our leave. 
 
 Luc. I'll recompense this kind visit : does your coach 
 stay? 
 
 Hon. Yes, madam; 
 Your ladyship will be too much troubled. 
 
 Lite. I owe more service. 
 
 Scu. Monsieur, youll begone too. 
 
 Le Fris. I have more lady, my scholars.
 
 THE BALL. 25 
 
 Scu. Is that the way of your instrument ? 
 
 Le Fris. A la mode de France ; fil fi I* adieu. 
 Madame, votre serviteur. 
 
 Adieu demi Monsieur.^ [to Scutilla ; — exeunt all but 
 
 ScHtilla. 
 
 Enter Solomon and Colonel. 
 
 Scu. Sir, you are welcome. 
 
 Col. I thank you, lady. 
 
 Scu. The time's too narrow to discourse at large. 
 But I intend you a service ; 
 You have deserv'd it 
 
 In your own nobleness to one I call a kinsman. 
 Whose life, without your charity, had been 
 Forfeit to his sceneral's anger ; 'twas not 
 Without his cause you after quit your regiment. 
 
 Col. He was my friend ; forget it. 
 
 Scu. You were sent for 
 By the Lady Lucina. 
 
 Col. Whose command I wait. 
 
 Scu. 'Twas my desire to prepare you for 
 The entertainment ; be but pleas'd to obscure 
 Yourself behind these hangings a few minutes; 
 I hear her ; you may trust me. 
 
 Col. Without dispute, I obey you, lady. 
 
 * Fit, fit, in the original edition, which I have altered as above : if the 
 emendation be not right, it has at least some meaning. 
 
 t The whole of this sentence is given to Le Friske, whether correctly or not 
 I doubt — If, however, it be properly assigned to him, the last line was most 
 likely intended to be addressed to Scutilla.
 
 26 THE BALL. 
 
 Enter Lady Lucina. 
 
 Luc. Now, Scutilla, we are ripe and ready 
 To entertain my gamesters ; my man said 
 They promis'd all to come ; I was afraid 
 These ladies in their kind departure would not 
 Bequeath me opportunity, and the mirth 
 Doth in the imagination so tickle me, 
 I would not willingly have lost it for a jewel 
 Of some value. 
 
 Scu. Then your purchase holds. 
 
 Luc. If they hold their affections, and keep touch. 
 We'll have some sport. 
 
 Enter Solomon. 
 
 Sol. Sir Marmaduke Travers. 
 
 Luc. Away, Scutilla, and 
 Laugh not loud between our acts ; we'll meet 
 Again like music, and make our selves merry. 
 
 Scu. I wait near you. [ewit Solomon. 
 
 Enter Sir Marmaduke. 
 
 Luc. Sir Marmaduke, I thought I should have had 
 Your visit without a summons. 
 
 Mar. Lady, you gave 
 One feather to the wings I had before ; 
 Can there be at last a service to employ 
 Your creature ? 
 
 Luc. Something hath pleaded for you in your absence. 
 
 Mar. Oh let me dwell upon your hand ; my stars 
 Have then remembered me again.
 
 THE BALL. 27 
 
 Luc. How do the fens ? 
 Goes the draining forward, and your iron mills ? 
 
 Mar. Draining, and iron mills ? I know not, madam. 
 
 Luc. Come, you conceal your industry, and care 
 To thrive ; you need not be so close to me. 
 
 Mar. By this hand, lady — have I any irony mills r 
 
 Luc. I am abus'd else ; nay, I do love 
 One that has mnd-mills in his head. 
 
 Mar. How, madam ? 
 
 Luc. Projects, and proclamations : did not you 
 Travel to Yarmouth to learn how to cast 
 Brass buttons ? nay, I like it ; it is an age 
 For men to look about them. Shall I trust 
 My estate to one that has no thrift, a fellow 
 But with one face ? my husband shall be a Janus, 
 He cannot look too many ways ; and is 
 Your patent for making vinegar confirm'd ? 
 What a face you put upon't ; nay, ne'er dissemble 
 Come, I know all, you'll thank that friend gf yours. 
 That satisfied my enquiry of your worth 
 With such a welcome character ; but why 
 Do I betray myself so fast ? beshrew 
 His commendations. 
 
 Mar. How is this ? some body. 
 That meant me well, and knew her appetite 
 To wealth, hath told this of me ; I'll make use ou't. 
 Well, madam, I desir'd these things more private 
 Till something worth a mine, which I am now 
 Promoving, had been perfect to salute you ; 
 But I perceive you hold intelligence
 
 28 THE BALL. 
 
 In my affairs, which I interpret love. 
 And I'll requite it : will you be content. 
 Be a Countess for the present. 
 
 Luc. I shall want 
 No honour in your love. 
 
 Mar. When shall we marry ? 
 
 Luc. Something must be prepar'd. 
 
 Mar. A licence, and say no more. 
 How blest am I ! do not blush, 
 I will not kiss your lip, till I have brought it. \exit. 
 
 Luc. Ha, ha, Scutilla I 
 
 Scu. Be secret still. [to the Colonel. 
 
 Luc. Can'st thou not laugh ? 
 
 Scu. Yes, madam ; you have kept your word. 
 The knight's transported, gone 
 To prepare things for the wedding. 
 
 Luc. How did'st thou like the iron mills ? 
 
 Scu. And the brass buttons — rarely ; have you devices 
 To jeer the rest? 
 
 Luc. All the regiment of them, or I'll break my bow- 
 strings. 
 
 Scu. Sir Ambrose Lamount. 
 
 JjUo. Away, and let the swallow enter. 
 
 Enter Sir Ambrose and Solomon. 
 
 Luc. Why, sirrah, I did command you give access to none 
 But Sir Ambrose Lamount, 
 Whom you know I sent for. 
 Audacious groom ! 
 
 Sol. It is Sir Ambrose, madam. [exit Solomon.
 
 THE BALL. 29 
 
 Lite. It is Sir Ambrose Coxcomb ! it is not. 
 Cry mercy, noble sir, I took you, muffled. 
 For one that every day solicits me 
 
 To bestow my little dog upon him ; but you're welcome ; 
 I think I sent for you. 
 
 Amb. It is my happiness 
 To wait your service, lady. 
 
 Luc. I hear say you have vow'd to die a batchelor, 
 I hope it is not true, sir. 
 
 Amb. I die a batchelor ! 
 
 Luc. And that you'll turn religious knight. 
 
 Amb. I turn religious knight ! who has abus'd me ? 
 
 Luc. I would only know the truth : it were great pity ; 
 For my own part I ever wish'd you well. 
 Although in modesty I have been silent ; 
 Pray, what's o'clock ? 
 
 Amb. How's this I 
 
 Luc. I had a dream last night : me thought I saw you 
 Dance so exceedingly rarely, that I fell 
 In love. 
 
 Amb. In love ^^^th me ? 
 
 Luc. With your legs, sir. 
 
 Amb. My leg is at your service to come over. 
 
 Luc. I wonder'd at my self; but I consider'd. 
 That many have been caught with handsome faces ; 
 So my love grew. 
 
 Amb. Upwards. 
 
 Luc. What followed in my dream 
 I have forgot. 
 
 Amb. Leave that to finish waking.
 
 30 THE BALL. 
 
 Luc. Since the morning 
 I find some alteration ; you know 
 I have told you twenty times, I would not love you. 
 But whether 'twere your wisdom, or your fate. 
 You would not be satisfied ; now, I know not. 
 If something were procur'd, what I should answer. 
 
 Ami). A licence ? say no more. 
 
 Luc. Would my estate were doubled- 
 
 Amh. For my sake. 
 
 Luc. You have not purchas'd since you fell in love ? 
 
 Amh. Not much land. 
 
 Luc. Revels have been some charge to you ; you were 
 ever 
 A friend to ladies ; pity, but he should rise 
 By one, has fallen with so many j had you not 
 A head once ? 
 
 Amb. Ahead ? I have one still. 
 
 Luc. Of hair, I mean : 
 Favours have glean'd too much ; pray, pardon me ; 
 If it were mine, they should go look their bracelets,* 
 Or stay till the next crop ; but, I blush, sir. 
 To hold you in this discourse, you will perhaps 
 Construe me in a wrong sense ; but, you may use 
 Your own discretion till you know me better. 
 Which is my soul's ambition. 
 
 Amh. I am blest. 
 
 • They should go look their bracelets— that is, that they should thin, or, as is 
 before expressed, glean their bracelets. To look, is still used in the North of 
 England, in the sense of ' to thin or weed young wheat,' &c.
 
 THE BALL. ^1 
 
 Col. Cunuiug gipsy ! she'll use me thus too 
 When I come to't. 
 
 Ainb. Lady, I know your mind; whenlsee younext. [e,i'?V. 
 
 Luc. You'll see me again, ha, ha, ha, Scutilla ? 
 
 Sen. Here, madam, almost dead with stifling my laughter ; 
 Why, he's gone for a license, you did enjoin him no 
 Silence. 
 
 Luc. I wou'd have 'em all meet, and brag o'their several 
 Hopes ; they will not else be sensii)le, and quit me o'their 
 Tedious visitation : — Who's next ? 
 I woixld the Colonel were come, 
 I long to have a bout with him. 
 
 Enter Solomon. 
 
 Sol. Mr. Bostock, madam. 
 
 Luc. Retire, and give the jay admittance, [exit Solomon. 
 
 Enter Bostock. 
 
 Bos. Madam, I kiss your fair hand. 
 
 Luc. Oh, Mr. Bostock. 
 
 Bos. The humblest of your servants. 
 
 Luc. 'Twill not become your birth and blood to stoop 
 To such a title. 
 
 Bos. I must confess, dear lady, 
 I carry in my veins more precious honour 
 Than other men ; blood of a deeper crimson ; 
 But you shall call me any thing. 
 
 Luc. Not I, sir ; 
 It would not become me to change your title. 
 Although I must confess I could desire
 
 32 THE BALL. 
 
 You were less honorable. 
 Bos. Wh.y, I pr'ythee, 
 Is't a fault to spring from the nobility ? 
 There be some men have sold well favour'd lordships, 
 To be ill-favour'd noblemen, and though 
 I wear no title of the state, I can 
 Adorn a lady. 
 
 Luc. That is my misfortune, 
 I would you could not, sir. 
 Bos. Are you the worse 
 For that ? consider, lady. 
 Luc. I have considered. 
 And I could wish with all my heart you were 
 Not half so noble ; nay, indeed, no gentleman. 
 Bos. How, lady ? 
 
 Luc. Nay, if you give me leave to speak my thoughts, 
 I would you were a fellow of two degrees 
 Beneath a footman, one that had no kindred, 
 But knights o'the post, nay, worse ; pardon me, sir. 
 In the humour I am in ; I wish, and heartily. 
 You were a son o'the people rather than — 
 Bos. Good madam, give me your reason. 
 Luc. Because I love you. 
 
 Bos. Few women wish so ill to whom they love. 
 Luc. They do not love like me then. 
 Bos. Say you so ? 
 
 Luc. My wealth's a beggar, nay the title of 
 A lady which my husband left, is a shadow 
 Compar'd to what you bring to ennoble me. 
 And all the children you will get ; but I,
 
 THE BALL. 33 
 
 Out of my love, desire you such a one. 
 That I might add to you, that you might be 
 Created l)y my wealth, made great by me ; 
 Then should my love appear, but, as you are, 
 I must receive addition from you. 
 
 Bos. No body hears ; why, hark you, lady ! could 
 You love me, if 1 were less honorable ? 
 
 Liic. Honorable ! why you cannot be so base 
 As I would have you, that the world might say, 
 My marriage gave you somewhat. 
 
 Bos. Say you so ? 
 Under the rose, if that will do you a pleasure. 
 The lords do call me cousin, but I am 
 
 Luc. What? 
 
 Bos. Suspected. 
 
 Luc. How ? 
 
 Bos. Not to be lawful ; I came in at the wicket. 
 Some call it the window. 
 
 Luc. Can you prove it ? 
 
 Bos. Say no more. 
 
 Luc. Then I prefer you before all my suitors ; 
 Sir Ambrose Lamount, and Sir Marmaduke 
 Travers, are all mountebanks. 
 
 Bos. What say you to tlic Colonel ? 
 
 Luc. A lancepresado !* how my joy transports me ! 
 
 * Laticepresado, lancepesado, lanceprisado, — a lance corporal, the lowest grade 
 of military officers. Lanceprezado Match is one of the characters in Hey wood's 
 Royal King and Loyal Subject , and lanceprezado occurs in Massinger's Maid 
 of Honour. Of this term Mr. Gilford has, in his edition of that poet's dramatic 
 works, given the following explanation from iha Soldier's Accidence:— "The 
 D
 
 34 THE BALL. 
 
 But shall I trust to this, do not you flatter? 
 Will not you fly from that, and be legitimate. 
 When we are married ? you men are too cunning 
 With simple ladies. 
 
 Bos. Do but marry me, 
 I'll bring the midwife. 
 
 Luc. Say no more ; provide 
 What you think necessary, and all shall be 
 Dispatch'd. 
 
 Bos. I guess your meaning, and thus seal 
 My best devotion. [salutes her and ewit. 
 
 Sou. Away now, and present yourself. 
 
 [aside to the Colonel. 
 
 Luc. Oh Scutilla, hold me, I shall fall 
 In pieces else, ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Sett. Beshrew me, madam, but I wonder 
 At you ; you wound him rarely up. 
 
 Luc. Have not I choice of precious husbands ? now an' 
 The Colonel were here, the task 
 Were over. 
 
 Scu. Then you might go play. 
 Madam, the Colonel. 
 
 Enter Colonel. 
 
 Luc. Is he come once more? Withdraw — bid him march 
 
 hither. 
 Col. Now is my turn. — [aside.'] Madam ! 
 
 lowest range and meanest officer in an army is called the lancepesado or 
 prezado, who is a leader or governor of half a file, and therefore is commonly 
 called a middle man, or captain over four."
 
 THE BALL 35 
 
 Luc. You're welcome, sir ; I tlioiight you would have gone, 
 And not grac'd me so much as with a poor 
 Salute at parting. 
 
 Col. Gone ! whither ? 
 
 Luc. To the wars. 
 
 Col. She jeers me already; no, lady, I'm already 
 Engag'd to a siege at home, and, 'till that service 
 Be over, I enquire no new employments. 
 
 Luc. For honour's sake, what siege ? 
 
 Col. A citadel. 
 That several forces are set down before. 
 And all is entrench'd. 
 
 Luc. What citadel ? 
 
 Col. A woman. 
 
 Luc. She cannot hold out long. 
 
 Col. Ostend was sooner taken than her fort 
 Is like to be, for any thing I perceive. 
 
 Luc. Is she so well provided ? 
 
 Col. Her provision 
 May fail her, but she is devilish obstinate ; 
 She fears nor fire nor famine. 
 
 Luc. What's her name ? 
 
 Col. Lucina. 
 
 Luc. Ha, ha, ha ! alas, poor colonel ! 
 If you'll take my advice, remove your siege, 
 A province will be sooner won in the 
 Low Countries : ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Col. Lady, you sent for me. 
 
 Luc. 'Twas but to tell you my opinion in this l)usiness, 
 You'll sooner circumcise the Turk's dominions,
 
 36 THR BALL. 
 
 Than take this toy you talk of ; I do know it. 
 
 Farewell, good soldier; ha, ha, ha ! and yet 'tis pity; 
 
 Is there no stratagem, no trick, no undermine ? 
 
 If she be given so desperate, your body 
 
 Had need to be well victuall'd : there's a city 
 
 And suburbs in your belly, and you must 
 
 Lay in betimes to prevent mutiny 
 
 Among the small guts, which with wind of 'venge else 
 
 Will break your guard of buttons ; ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Come, we'll laugh, and lie down in the next room, Scutilla. 
 
 Col. So, so, I did expect no good ; 
 Why did not I strike her ? but I'll do something. 
 And be with you to bring 't before you think of 't ; 
 Malice and Mercury assist me. [^ewit. 
 
 ACT III. SCENE I. 
 Enter Lord Rainebow and Barker. 
 
 Bar. So, so, you've a precious time on't. 
 
 Lord R. Who can help it, Frank, if ladies will 
 Be mid, repentance tame 'em ! for my part, 
 I court not them, till they provoke me to't. 
 
 Bar And do they both aflfect you ? 
 
 Lord R. So they say. 
 And did justify it to my face. 
 
 Bar. And you did praise their modesty? 
 
 Lord R. I confess I prais'd them 
 Both, when I saw no remedy.
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 Bar. You did, and they believ'd ? 
 
 Lord R. Religiously. 
 
 Bar. Do not, 
 Do not believe it, my young lord, they'll make 
 Fools of a thousand such ; they do not love you. 
 
 Lord R. Why, an't shall please your wisdom ? 
 
 Bar. They are women ; 
 That's a reason, and may satisfy you. 
 They cannot love a man. 
 
 Lord R. What then ? 
 
 Bar. Themselves; 
 And all little enough ; they have, a trick 
 To conjure with their eyes, and perhaps raise 
 A masculine spirit, but lay none. 
 
 Lord R. Good Cato, 
 Be not over-wise now ; what's the reason 
 That women are not sainted in your calendar ? 
 You have no frosty constitution. 
 
 Bar. Would you were half so honest. 
 . Lord R. Why a woman 
 May love thee one day. 
 
 Bar. Yes, when I make legs 
 And faces like such fellows as you are. 
 
 Enter Monsieur Le Friske. 
 
 Lord R. Monsieur Le Friske. 
 
 Le Fris. Serviteur. 
 
 Lord R. Nay, Frank, thou shalt not go. 
 
 Bar. I'll come again when you have done your jig. 
 
 Le Fris. Ah ! monsieur. 
 
 37
 
 38 THE BALL. 
 
 Lvrd R. Come, you shall sit down, this fellow will make 
 thee laugh. 
 
 Bar. I shall laugh at you both, an' I stay. 
 
 Lord R. Hark you, monsieur, this gentleman has a great 
 mind to learn to dauce. 
 
 Le Fris. He command ray service. 
 Please your lordship begin, tat he may 
 See your profit, nllez — ha! 
 
 Lord R. How like you this, Frank ? 
 
 Bar. Well enough for the dog-days ; but have 
 You no other dancing for the winter, a man 
 May freeze and walk thus. 
 
 Le Fris. It be all your grace, monsieur; your 
 Dance be horseplay, begar, for de stable, not 
 De chamber ; your ground passage, ha ! 
 Never hurt de back, monsieur, nor trouble 
 De leg mush ; ha, plait il, you leara. 
 Monsieur ? 
 
 Lord R. For mirth's sake, an' thou lovest me. 
 
 Le Fris. Begar, I teach you, presently, dance with all de 
 grace of de body for your good, and my profit. 
 
 Bar. Pardon me, my lord. 
 
 Le Fris. Oh not, pardonnez moi. 
 
 Lord R. Do but observe his method. 
 
 Bar. I shall never endure it, pox upon him. 
 
 Le Fris. 'Tis but dis in de beginning, one, two, tree, four, 
 five, the cinquepace ; allez, inonsieur ; stand upright an 
 begar. 
 
 Lord R. Let him set you in t'other posture. 
 
 Le Fris. My broder, my lord, know well, for de litle kit de
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 39 
 
 fiddle, and me for de posture of de body ; begar, de kin^ 
 has no too sush subjects, ha ! dere be one foote, two foote ; 
 have you tree foote ? begar, you have more den I have den. 
 
 Bar. I shall break his fiddle. 
 
 Lord R. Thou art so humorous. 
 
 Le Fris. One been two, ha, you go too fast, you be at 
 Dover, begar, and me be at Greenwish ; de toder leg, psha. 
 
 Bar. A pox upon your legs, I'll no more. 
 
 Le Fris. Pourquoi ? 
 
 Lord R. Ha, ha, ha ! I would some ladies were here to 
 laugh 
 At thee now ; you will not be so rude to meddle with 
 The monsieur in my lodging. 
 
 Bar. I'll kick him to death, and bury him in a base-viol — 
 Jackalent ! 
 
 Le Fris. Jackalent ! begar, you be Jackenape ; if I had 
 my weapon you durst no affront me ; I be as good gentle- 
 man, an' for all my fiddle as you ; call me a Jack a de lent ! 
 
 Lord R. Rail upon him, monsieur ; I'll secure thee, ha, 
 ha, ha ! 
 
 Le Fris. Because your leg have de poc, or someting dat 
 make era no veil, and frisk, you make a fool of a monsieur. 
 My lord use me like gentleman, an I care no rush for you ; 
 be desperate, kill me, and me complaine to de king, and 
 teach new dance, galliard to de gibbet, you be hang'd in 
 English fashion. 
 
 Bar. Go, you're an impertinent lord, and I will be re- 
 veng'd. [exit. 
 
 Lord R. Ha, ha! good Diogenes. Come, monsieur. 
 You and I will not part yet.
 
 40 THE BALL. 
 
 Le Fris. My lord, if you had not beeu here, me would 
 have broken his head with my fiddle. 
 
 Lord R. You might sooner have broke your fiddle ; but 
 
 strike up. 
 Le Fris. Allez, ah, bon. \_exeunt dancing. 
 
 SCENE II. 
 
 Enter Bostock. 
 
 Bos. I spy Sii'Marmaduke coming after me ; 
 This way I'll take to avoid his tedious questions j 
 He'll interrupt me, and I have not finish'd 
 Things fit for my design. 
 
 Enter Sir Ambrose. 
 
 Ami). 'Tis Rlr. Bostock ; little does he think 
 What I am going upon; I fear I shall not 
 Contain my joys. 
 . Bos. Good fortune to Sir Ambrose. 
 
 Amb. Sir, you must pardon me, I cannot wait 
 Upon you now, I have business of much consequence. 
 
 Bos. I thought to have made the same excuse to you. 
 For at this present I am so engag'd. 
 
 Amb. We shall meet shortly. 
 
 Both. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Bos. Poor gentleman, how is he beguil'd. 
 . Amb. Your nose is wip'd, hum, 'tis Sir Marmaduke, 
 
 Enter Sir Marmaduke and Colonel. 
 
 I must salute him.
 
 THK BALL. 
 
 Dos. The colonel ? there's no going back. 
 
 Mnr. What misfortune's this? but 'tis no matter: 
 Noble sir, how is't ? 
 
 Amb. As you see, sir. 
 
 Col. As I could wish, noble INIr. Bostock. 
 
 Bos. Your humble servant, colonel. 
 
 Col. Nay, nay, a word. 
 
 Mar. I shall not forbear jeering these poor things ; 
 They shall be mirth. 
 
 Col. What ! all met so happily ? and how my 
 Sparks of honour? 
 
 Amb. Things so tickle me, 
 I shall break out. 
 
 Col. When saw you our mistress, lady Lucina? 
 
 Amb. My suit is cold there ; Mr. Bostock carries 
 The lady clean before him. 
 
 Bos. No, no, no, it is Sir Marmaduke. 
 
 Mar. I glean my smiles after Sir Ambrose. 
 
 Col. None of you see her to-day ? 
 I may as soon marry the moon, and get 
 Children on l^r ; I see her not this three days : 
 'Tis very strange ; I was to present my service 
 This morning. 
 
 Mar. You'll march away with all. 
 
 Col. I cannot tell, but there's small sign of victory ; 
 And yet, methinks, you should not be neglected. 
 If the fens go forward, and your iron mills. 
 
 Mar. Has she betray'd me ? 
 
 Col. Some are in<lu3trious. 
 And have the excellent skill to cast brass buttons. 
 
 41
 
 42 THE BALL. 
 
 Mar. Colonel ! softly. 
 
 Col. How will you sell your vinej^ar a pint? 
 The patent's something saucy. 
 
 Amb. The colonel jeers him. 
 
 Bos. Excellent ! ha, ha ! 
 
 Col. Had not you a head once, 
 Of hair I mean ; favours have glean'd too much. 
 If ladies will have bracelets, let 'em stay 
 Till the next crop. 
 
 Jmb. Hum, the very language she us'd to me. 
 
 Bos. Does he jeer him too ; nay, nay, pr'ythee spare 
 him, ha! hal 
 
 Col. You may do much, and yet I could desire 
 You were less honorable ; for though you have 
 Blood of a deeper crimson, the good lady 
 Out of her love could wish you were a thing 
 Beneath a footman, aiid that you had no kindred 
 But knights o'the post. 
 
 Bos. Good colonel ! 
 
 Col. Nay, pardon me ; 
 In the humour I am in, I wish, and heartily. 
 You were a son o'the people. 
 
 Bos. Colonel ! 
 How the devil came he by this? 
 
 Col. Under the rose there was a gentleman 
 Came in at the mcket : these are tales of which 
 The Greeks have store; fair hopes, gentlemen! 
 
 Mar. How came you by this intelligence ? 
 
 Col. Nay, I'll no whispering, what I say to one 
 Will concern every man ; she has made
 
 THE BALL. 43 
 
 You coxcombs. 
 
 yimd. It does appear. 
 
 Col. And more than does appear ; yet 
 I had my share- 
 
 Bos. That's some comfort ; I was afraid. 
 
 Col. But you shall pardon me : I'll conceal 
 The particulars of her bountiful abuses 
 To me, let it suffice I know we are all 
 Jeer'd most abominably ; I stood behind 
 The hangings when she sign'd your several passes. 
 And had my own at last worse than the constable's ; 
 That this is true, you shall have more than oath ; 
 I'll join you in revenge, and if you will not 
 I will do't alone. 
 
 Mar. She is a devil. 
 
 ^4ml/, Damn her then, till we think on something else; 
 Let's all go back, and rail upon her. 
 
 Bos. Agreed, a pox upon her ! 
 
 Mar. We cannot be too bitter ; she's a hell cat. 
 
 j4ml». D'ye hear ? listen to me ; our shames are equal. 
 Yet if we all discharge at once upon her. 
 We shall but make confusion, and perhaps 
 Give her more cause to laugh : let us chuse one 
 To curse her for us all. 
 
 Col. 'Tis the best way ; and if you love me, gentlemen. 
 Engage me, I deserve this favour for my 
 Discovery ; I'll swear her into hell. 
 
 Mar. Troth I have no good vein ; I'm content. 
 
 Bos. Gentlemen, noble colonel, as you respect 
 A wounded branch of the nobility, v
 
 44 THE BALL. 
 
 Make it my office ; she abus'd me most, and if 
 The devil do not furnish me with language, 
 I'll say he has no malice. 
 
 Col. If they consent. 
 
 Mar. Amb. With all our hearts. 
 
 Bos. I thank you, gentlemen. 
 
 Col. But let us all together : I'll not be barr'd 
 Now and then to interpose an oath. 
 As I shall find occasion. 
 
 Bos. You'll relieve me 
 When I take breath ; then you may help, or you. 
 Or any to confound her. 
 
 Col. Let's away. 
 
 Bos. Never was witch so tortur'd. [exeunt. 
 
 SCENE III. 
 
 Enter Freshwater, Gudgeon, and Solomon. 
 
 Sol. Noble IVIr. Freshwater, welcome from travel. 
 
 Fres. Where be the ladies ? 
 , Sol. In the next room, sir; 
 My lady Rosamond is sitting for her picture : 
 I presume you will be welcome. 
 • Fres. An English painter ? 
 
 Sol. Yes, sir. 
 
 Fres. Pr'ythee, let me see him. [he gives Freshwater 
 access to the chamber and returns. 
 
 Sol. This way, honest Gudgeon ; 
 How are matters abroad ( a touch of
 
 THE BALL. 4b 
 
 Thy travel ; what news ? 
 
 Gud. First, let me understand the state of things 
 At home. 
 
 Sol We have little alteration since thou went'st. 
 The same news are in fashion ; 
 Only gentlemen are fain to ramble, and stumble 
 For their flesh since the breach o'the bankside. 
 
 Gud. Is my aunt defunct ? 
 
 Sol. Yet the viragos have not lost their spirit ; some of 
 Them have challeng'd the field every day, where 
 Gentlemen have met them; oh, the dog days bit 
 Shrewdly : 'twas a villainous dead vacation. 
 
 Gud. Is Paul's alive still ? 
 
 Sol. Yes, yes, a little sick o'the stone ; she voids some 
 Every day, but she is now in physic. 
 And may in time recover. 
 
 Gud. The Exchange stands ? 
 
 Sol. Longer than a church ; 
 There is no fear while the merchants have but faith. 
 A little of thy travels, for the tinie is precious ; what 
 Things have you seen or done since you left England ? 
 
 Gud. I have not leisure to discourse of particulars; but 
 first 
 My master and I have run France through and through. 
 
 Sol. Through and through ! how is that, man ? 
 
 Gud. Why, once forward, and once backward, that's 
 through and through. 
 
 Sol. 'Twas but a cowardly part to run a kingdom through 
 backward.
 
 46 THE BALL. 
 
 Gud. Not with our horses, Solomon, not with our horses. 
 
 Enter Freshwater and Lady Rosamond. 
 
 Fres. Madam, I did not think your ladyship 
 Had so little judgment. 
 
 Ros. As how, signior ? 
 
 Fres. As to let an Englishman draw 
 Your picture, and such rare monsieurs in town. 
 
 Ros. Why not English ? 
 
 Fres. Oh, by no means, madam. 
 They have not active pencils. 
 
 Ros. Think you so ? 
 
 Fres. You must encourage strangers while you live. 
 It is the character of our nation ; 
 We are famous for dejecting our own countrymen. 
 
 Ros. Is that a principle ? 
 
 Fres. Who teaches you to dance ? 
 
 Ros. A Frenchman, signior. 
 
 Fres. Why, so ; 'tis necessary ; 
 Trust while you live the Frenchman with your legs, 
 Your faces with the Dutch ; if you mislike 
 Your face, I mean if it be not sufficiently 
 Painted, let me commend upon my credit 
 A precious workman to your ladyship. 
 
 Ros. What is he ? 
 
 Fres. Not an Englishman, I warrant you ; 
 One that can please the ladies every way ; 
 You shall not sit with him all day for shadows. 
 He has regalias, and can present you with
 
 THE BALL. 47 
 
 Suckets of fourteen-pence a pound, canary. 
 Prunellas, Venice glasses, Parmasan, 
 Sugars, Bolognia sausages all from Antwerp ; 
 But he will make ollapodridos most incomparably- 
 
 Ros. I have heard of him ; a noble lady 
 Told me the other day, that sitting for 
 Her picture, she was stifled with a strange 
 Perfume of horns. 
 
 Fres. A butcher told me of 'em — very likely. 
 
 Ros. When I have need 
 Of this rare artist, I will trouble you 
 For my directions ; leaving this discourse. 
 How thrives your catalogue of debtors, signior ? 
 
 Fres. All have paid me, but — 
 
 Ros. You shall not name me in the list of any 
 That are behind ; beside my debt, a purse 
 For clearing the account, [^g'wes him apitrse with money in it. 
 
 Fres. You are just, madam. 
 And bountiful ; though I came hither with 
 Simple intention to present my service ; 
 It shall be crost ; Gudgeon, remember too 
 Her ladyship's name. 
 
 Ros. My cousin has the 
 Same provision for you. 
 
 Enler Barker, and Lady Honoria. 
 
 Gud. \_to Freshimter.'] — Sir ! master Barker. 
 Fres. Madam, PU take my leave; PU find another 
 Time to attend my lady ; there's no light :
 
 48 THE ball; 
 
 I cannot abide this fellow. [^.ivV with Gud. 
 
 Hon. Madam, master Barker hath some design 
 Which he pretends concerns us both. 
 
 Ros. He's welcome, what is it ? 
 
 Bar. My lord commends him to ye. 
 
 Ros. Which lord, sir ? 
 
 Bar. The lord, the fine, the wanton, dancing lord, 
 The lord that plays upon the gittern, and sings. 
 Leaps upon tables, and does pretty things. 
 Would have himself commended. 
 
 Ros. So, sir. 
 
 Bar. He loves you both ; he told me so. 
 And laughs behind a visard at your frailty. 
 He cannot love that way you do imagine. 
 And ladies of the game are now no mii-acles. 
 
 Hon. Although he use to rail thus, yet we have 
 Some argument to suspect his lordship's tongue 
 Has been too liberal. 
 
 Ros. I find it too, and blush within to think 
 How much we are deceived ; I may be even 
 With this May-lord. {_ejsit. 
 
 Hon. But does his lordship think 
 We were taken with his person ? 
 
 Bar. You would not, an' you knew as much as I. 
 
 Hon. How, sir? 
 
 Bar. I have been acquainted with his body. 
 Have known his baths and physic 
 
 Hon. Is't possible ? I am sorry now at heart. 
 I had a good thought on him, he shall see't. 
 For I will love some other in revenge.
 
 THE BALL. 49 
 
 And presently, if any j^entlenian 
 
 Have but the grace to smile, and court mc up to't. 
 
 Bar. Hum ! 
 
 Hon. A bubble of nobility ! a giddy 
 Fantastic lord ! I want none of his titles ; 
 Now, in my imagination, he appears 
 Ill-favour'd, and not any part about him 
 Worth half a commendation ; would he were here. 
 
 Bar. You'd make more of him. 
 
 Hon. That I might examine. 
 And do my judgment right l)etween you two now ! 
 How much he would come short ! you have an eye 
 Worth forty of his, nose of another making; 
 I saw your teeth e'en now, compar'd to which. 
 His are of the complexion of his comb, 
 I mean his box, and will in time l)e yellower. 
 And ask more making clean ; you have a show 
 Of something on your upper lip ; a witch 
 Has a philosopher's beard to him ; his chin 
 Has just as many hounds as hairs that ever 
 JMy eyes distinguish'd yet ; you have a body 
 And not unpromising ; in his slashes one 
 May see through him, and, for his legs, they both 
 Would but make stuffing for one handsome stocking ; 
 They're a lord's, I will be sworn ; I dote upon him ! 
 I could wish somewhat ; but I'm sorry, sir. 
 To trouble you so much ; all happy thoughts 
 Possess you. [e3.it. 
 
 Bar. How is this ? if I have wit 
 To apprehend, this lady does not hate me;
 
 60 THE BALL. 
 
 I have profess'd a cynic openly ; 
 
 This language melts, I'll visit her again. 
 
 Re-enter Honoria. 
 
 Hon. Sir, I have a small request to you. 
 
 Bar. Lady, command. 
 
 Hon, If you think I have power 
 Or will to deserve from you any courtesy, 
 Pray, learn to dance. 
 
 Bur. To dance? 
 
 Hon. At my entreaty, sir, to dance. 
 It was the first thing took me with his lordship : 
 You kno«' not what may follow; fare you well. [exit. 
 
 Bar. What pretends* this, to dance ? there's something 
 in't. 
 I've reveng'd myself already upon my lord, 
 Yet deeper with my lady is the sweeter: 
 Something must be resolv'd. [exit. 
 
 Enter Lady Lucina and Scutilla. 
 
 Luc. Enough, enough, of conscience ; let's reserve 
 Part of the mirth to another time; I shall 
 Meet some other hot worships at the ball. 
 Unless their apprehension prompt them 
 Earlier, to know their folly in pursuing me. 
 
 Enter Solomon. 
 
 Sot. Rladam, the gentlemen, that were here this morning 
 
 * Intends, or means.
 
 THE BALL. 51 
 
 In single visits, are come all together, 
 And pray to speak with you. 
 
 Luc. They've met already ; give them access. 
 
 Scu. I wonder what they'll say. [ejcit Solomon. 
 
 Enter TioiiTocK, Sir Ambrose, Colonel, and Sir Marmauuke. 
 
 Col. Be confident she shall endure it. 
 Luc. So, so. 
 How d'ye, gentlemen ? you're very welcome. 
 
 y4md. 'Tis no matter for that, we do not come to be 
 Welcome, neither will we be welcome j speak, Mr. Bostock. 
 Bos. We come to mortify you. 
 Luc. You \vill use no violence. 
 
 Bos. But of our tongues ; and, in the names of these 
 Abused gentlemen and myself, I spit 
 Defiance. Stand further off, and be attentive ; 
 Weep, or do worse ; repentance wet thy linen. 
 And leave no vein for the doctor ! 
 Luc. They're mad. 
 
 Scu. There is no danger, madam, let us hear them ; 
 If they scold, we two shall be hard enough for them. 
 An' they were twenty. 
 . Bos. Thou basilisk ! 
 Luc. At first sight ? 
 
 Bos. Whose eyes shoot fire and poison ; 
 Malicious as a witch, and much more cunning ; 
 Thou, that dost ride men. 
 Luc. I ride men ! 
 
 Bos. Worse than the night-mare ; let thy tongue be 
 silent,
 
 52 THE BALL. 
 
 And take our scourges patiently ; thou hast 
 
 In thy own self all the ingredients 
 
 Of wickedness in thy sex, able to furnish 
 
 Hell, if it were insufficiently provided 
 
 With falsehood, a she fiend of thy own making ; 
 
 Circe, that charm'd men into swine, was not 
 
 So much a Jew as thou art ; thou hast made 
 
 Us asses ; dost thou hear ? 
 
 Ainb. He speaks for us all. 
 
 Bos. But it is better we be all made such, 
 Than any one of us be monster'd worse. 
 To be an ox, thy husband. 
 
 Sou. Luc. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Bos. Dost thou laugh, crocodile ? 
 
 Col. That was well said. 
 
 Bos. Spirit of flesh and blood, I'll conjure thee. 
 And let the devil lay thee on thy back, 
 I care not. 
 
 Mar. Admirable Bostock ! 
 
 Col. That spirit of flesh and blood was well inforc'd. 
 
 Bos. You thought us animals, insensible 
 Of all your jugglings, did you, Proserpine ? 
 
 Amh. Aye, come to that. 
 
 Bos. And that we lov'd, lov'd with a pox, your phisnomy ; 
 Know, we but tried thee, beldam, and thou art 
 Thyself a son of the earth. 
 
 Amb. How ! she a son ? 
 
 Bos. 'Twas a mistake, but she knows my meaning; 
 I begin to be a weary, gentlemen, 
 I'll breathe awhile.
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 53 
 
 Col. 'Tis time, and, that you may 
 Not want encouragement, take that. 
 
 [jg'ives him a box on the ear. 
 Bos. Gentlemen! colonel! what d'ye mean ? 
 Col. You shall know presently ; dare but lift thy voice 
 To fright this lady, or but ask thy pardon, 
 My sword shall rip thy body for thy heart*. 
 And nail it on her threshold ; or if you. 
 The proudest, offer but in looks to justify 
 The baseness of this wretch, your souls shall answer 't. 
 Mar. How's this ? 
 
 Col. O impudence unheard ! Pardon, madam. 
 My tedious silence ; the affront grew up 
 So fast I durst not trust my understanding 
 That any gentleman could attempt so much 
 Dishonour to a lady of your goodness. 
 Was this your project, to make me appear 
 Guilty of that I hate beyond all sacrilege ? 
 Was it for this you pray'd my company ? 
 You tadpoles ! 'tis your presence charms my sword. 
 Or they should quickly pay their forfeit lives : 
 No altar could protect them. 
 Amb. We are betray'd. 
 Mar. Was it not his plot to have us rail? 
 Col. Say, shall I yet be active ? 
 Luc. By no means ; 
 This is no place for blood ; nor shall anyf cause 
 Engage to such a danger. 
 
 » Part, in the quarto. j Probably, " imi cause."
 
 54 THE BALL. 
 
 Col. Live to be 
 Your own vexations then till you be mad. 
 And then remove yourselves with your own garters! 
 You shall not go before 1 know from whose 
 Brain this proceeded ; you are the mirth. 
 Was ever civil lady so abus'd 
 In her own house b' ingrateful hoi'se-leeches ? 
 Could your corrupted natures find no way 
 But this to recompense her noble favours. 
 Her courteous entertainments ? would any 
 Heathens done like to you ? admit she was 
 So just to say she could see nothing in you 
 Worthy her dearer thoughts, as, to say truth. 
 How could a creature of her wit and judgment 
 Not see how poor and miserable things 
 You are at best ? must you [be] impudent ? 
 In such a loud, and peremptory manner. 
 Disturb the quiet of her thoughts and dwelling ? 
 Gentlemen ! rather hinds ; scarce fit to mix. 
 Unless you mend your manners, with her drudges. 
 
 Luc. This shews a nobleness, does't not, Scutilla ? 
 
 Bos. Why, sir, did not you tell us ? 
 
 Col. What did I tell you ? 
 
 Bos. Nothing. 
 
 Col. Begone, lest I forget myself. 
 
 Bos. I have a token to remember you : 
 A palsy upon your fingers, noble colonel ! 
 
 Mar. Was this his stratagem ! we must begone. 
 
 [exeunt Sir Marmaduhe, Bostock, and Sir Ambrose. 
 
 Luc. Sir, I must thank ye, and desire your pardon
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 For what has past to your particular. 
 
 Col. You've more than satisfied my service in 
 Th' acknowledgment : disdain cannot provoke 
 Me to be so insolent. 
 
 Luc. Again I thank you. 
 
 Col. I can forget your last neglect, if you 
 Think me not too unworthy to expect 
 Some favour from you. 
 
 Luc. How d'ye mean ? 
 
 Col. Why, 
 As a servant should that is ambitious 
 To call you mistress^, till the happier title 
 Of wife crown his desires. 
 
 Luc. I must confess. 
 This has won much upon me : but two words 
 To such a bargain ; you're a gentleman 
 I'm confident would adventure for me. 
 
 Col. As far as a poor life could speak my sei'vice. 
 
 Luc. That's fair and far enough ; I make not any 
 Exception to your person. 
 
 Col. Body enough, 
 I hope, to please a lady. 
 
 Luc. But — 
 
 Col. To my fortune. 
 
 Luc. To that the least, I have estate for both. 
 
 Col. Though it hold no comparison with yours. 
 It keeps me like a gentleman. 
 
 Luc. I have a scruple. 
 
 Col. You honour me in this : 
 There's hope, if I can take away that care. 
 
 55
 
 56 THE BALL. 
 
 You may be mine. 
 
 Luc. Sir, can you put me in security 
 That you have been honest ? 
 
 Col. Honest, how d'ye mean ? 
 
 Lue. Been honest of your body : you gentlemen 
 Out of the wars, live lazy, and feed high. 
 Drink the rich grape, and, in canary, may 
 Do strange things, when the wine has wash'd away 
 Discretion. 
 
 Col. WTiat is your meaning, lady ? 
 
 Luc. I do not urge you for the time t^ come ; 
 Pray understand, have you been honest hitherto ? 
 And yet, because you shall not trouble friends 
 To be compurgators, I'll be satisfied. 
 If you will take your own oath that you are. 
 
 Col. Honest of my body ? 
 
 Luc. Yes, sir, it will become me to be careful 
 Of my health ; I'll take your own assurance ; 
 If you can clear your body by an oath, 
 I'll marry none but you, before this gentlewoman. 
 
 Col. Your reason why you use me thus ? 
 
 Luc. I wonder you will ask ; do not I hear 
 How desperate some have been, what pain, what physic ? 
 
 Col. This is a tale of a tub, lady. 
 
 Luc. You rid no match without a shirt, to shew 
 The complexion of your body ; I have done, sir. 
 When you resolve to swear you're honest, I 
 Vow to be yours, your wife ; I am not hasty ; 
 Think on't, and tell me, when we meet again 
 Anon, to-night, to-morrow, when you please ;
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 57 
 
 So farewell, noble colonel ; come, Scutilla. 
 
 \_ea,'eunt Liicina and Scutilla. 
 Col. Is't come to this ? I'm jeer'd again ; is't possible 
 To be honest at these years ? a man of my 
 Complexion and acquaintance? was ever 
 Gentleman put to this oath before in this fashion ? 
 If I have the grace now to forswear myself. 
 Something may be done ; and yet 'tis doubtful 
 She'll have more tricks ; if widows be thus coltish. 
 The devil will have a task that goes a wooing. [^exit. 
 
 ACT IV. SCENE I. 
 Enter Lord Raineisow and Bostock. 
 
 Bos. Such an affront, my lord ! I was asham'd on't ; 
 A mere conspiracy to betray our fames ; 
 But, had you seen how poorly they behav'd 
 Themselves, such craven knights, a pair of drone-bees ! 
 I'the midst of my vexation, if I could 
 Forbear to laugh, I have no blood in me ; 
 They were so far from striking, that they stood 
 Like images, things without life and motion ; 
 Fear could not make so much a-s their tongue tremble ; 
 Left all to me. 
 
 Lord R. So, so, what then did you ? 
 
 Dos. The lady laugh'd too, and the colonel 
 Increas'd his noise, to see how she derided 
 The poor knights.
 
 68 
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 Lord R. Leave their character, and proceed 
 To what you did. 
 
 Bos. You shall pardon me, my lord, 
 I am not willing to report myself. 
 They and the lady, and the colonel 
 Can witness I came on. 
 
 Lord R. But how came you off, cousin ? that must com- 
 mend you. 
 
 Bos. I have my limbs, my lord, no sign of loss 
 Of blood you see, but this was fortune ; how 
 The colonel came oflf's uncertain. 
 
 LordR. Do not you know ? 
 
 Bos. No, I left him ; I think 'tis time. 
 
 Lord R. You did not kill him ? 
 
 Bos. Upon my faith, my lord, I meant it not ; 
 But wounds fall out sometimes when the sword's in : 
 These are poor things to brag of ; I have sav'd 
 Myself, you see. 
 
 LordR. If it be so, I'll call you cousin still, my satinist. 
 
 Enter Barker. 
 
 Hark ! You shall beat this fellow. 
 
 Bos. Shall I, my lord, without cause ? 
 
 Lord R. He shall give you cause presently ; how now, 
 Gum'd taffeta ! 
 
 Bar. I pay for what I wear. 
 My satin lord ; your wardrobe does not keep 
 Me wai'm ; I do not run o'the ticket with 
 The mercer's wife, and lecher out my debts 
 At country houses.
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 59 
 
 Lord R. There's something else you do not. 
 Ba7: I do not use to flatter such as you are. 
 Whose bodies are so rotten, they'll scarce keep 
 Their souls from breaking out ; I write no odes 
 Upon your mistress to commend her postures 
 And tumbling in a coach towards Paddington, 
 Whither you hurry her to see the pheasants. 
 And try what operation the eggs have 
 At your return ; I am not taken with 
 Your mighty nonsense, glean'd from heathenish plays. 
 Which leave a curse upon the author for 'em. 
 Though I have studied to redeem you from 
 The infection of such books, which martyr sense 
 Worse than an almanack. 
 
 Lord R. ExceUent satire \ 
 But lash not on ; stop here, or I shall kick 
 Your learned worship. 
 
 Bar. But do not, I advise you do not. 
 
 LordR. Why, do not? 
 
 Bar. It will fall heavy on somebody if your lordship 
 Kick me ; I shall not spare your cousin there. 
 
 Lord R. On that condition, what do you think of that ? 
 
 \Jiicks him. 
 
 Bar. What do you think ? [/o Bostock. 
 
 Bos. Excellently well followed, by my troth, la; 
 He'll pitch the bar well, I warrant, he does 
 So follow his kick. 
 
 Bar. Let it go round. [Jticks Bostock. 
 
 Bos. Good, right as my leg again.
 
 60 
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 Lord R. Your leg ! 'twas he that kick'd you. 
 
 Bos., D'ye think I do not feel it? 
 
 Lord R. Why d'ye not use your toes then ? 
 
 Bos. What, for a merry touch, 
 A trick, a turn upon the toe ? d'ye hear, sir. 
 You're good company, but, if thou lovest me ? — 
 
 Bar. Love you ? why, d'ye hear, sir, 
 1,1- 
 
 What a pox should any man see in you. 
 Once to think of you ! love a squirt ! 
 Shall I tell thee what thou art good for? 
 
 Bos. Aye. 
 
 Bar. For nothing. 
 
 Bos. Good again ; my lord, observe him, for nothing. 
 
 Bar. Yes, thou wilt stop a broach in a mud wall. 
 Or serve for a Priapus in the garden to 
 Fright away crows, and keep the corn, bean shatter. 
 Thou wilt. 
 
 Bos. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Bar. Or thou wilt serve, at shrove-tide, to have thy legs 
 Broken with penny truncheons in the street j 
 'Tis pity any cock should stand the pelting. 
 And such a capon unprefer'd. 
 
 Bos. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Bar. Cry mercy, you're a kinsman to the lord, 
 A gentleman of high and mighty blood. 
 
 Lord R. But cold enough ; will not all this provoke him ? 
 
 Bar. Dost hear? for all this I will undertake 
 To thrash a better man out of a wench
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 61 
 
 That travels with her butter-milk to market 
 
 Between two dorsers,* any day of the week. 
 
 My twice sod tail of green fish ; I will do't. 
 
 Or lose my inheritance. Tell me, and do not stammer : 
 
 When wert thou cudgel'd last ? what woman beat thee ? 
 
 Bos. Excellent Barker ! 
 
 Bar. Thou art the town top ; 
 A boy will set thee up, and make thee spin 
 Home with an eel-skin ; do not marry, do not ; 
 Thy Avife will coddle thee, and serve thee up 
 In plates, with sugar and rose-water, to 
 Him that hath the grace to cuckold thee ; 
 And if Pythagoras' transmigration 
 Of souls were true, thy spirit should be tenant 
 To a horse. 
 
 Bos. Why to a horse ? 
 
 Bar. A switch and spur would do some good upon you : 
 Why dost thou interfere ? get the grincomes,t go. 
 And straddle like a gentleman that would 
 Not shame his kindred; but what do I 
 Lose time with such a puppy ? 
 
 Bos. Well, go thy ways ; I'll justify thy wit 
 At my own peril. 
 
 Bar. I would speak with you ; [to Lord Rainebow. 
 
 Be not too busy with your lordship's legs ; 
 I'll tell you somewhat. 
 
 Lord R. Speak to the purpose then. 
 
 Bar. I bestow'd 
 
 * Dorsers, panniers. t Ch-incomes, the Frencli disease.
 
 62 THE BALL. 
 
 A visit on the ladies which you wot of, 
 
 They have their wits still, and resolve to keep them ; 
 
 They will not hang themselves for a young lord, 
 
 Nor grow into consumption; other men 
 
 Have eyes, and nose, and lips, and handsome legs too ; 
 
 So fare you well, my lord, I left your kick 
 
 With your cousin to buy otto. [^ewit. 
 
 Lord R. Very well. 
 But hark you, cousin Bostock : you have a mind 
 And modest constitution, I expected 
 You would have lifted up your leg. 
 
 Bos. To kick him ? 
 Why, an' you would have given a thousand pound, 
 I could not do't for laughing ; beside. 
 He was your friend, my lord. 
 
 Lord R. Did you spare him 
 For that consideration ? 
 
 Bos. Howsoever, 
 What honour had it been for me to quarrel. 
 Or wit, indeed ? If every man should take 
 All the abuses that are meant, great men 
 Would be laugh'd at ; some fools must have their jests ; 
 Had he been any man of blood or valour. 
 One that profess'd the sword, such as the Colonel, 
 Less provocation would have made me active. 
 
 Enter Sir Ambrose and Sir Marmaduke. 
 Lord R. The eagles take no flies, is that it ? how now 
 Sir Ambrose, and my honour'd friend Sir Marmaduke ? 
 You are strangers.
 
 THE BALL. 63 
 
 Mar. Your lordship's pardon ; Mr. Bostock. 
 
 Bos. Now shall I be put to it ; this talking will undo me. 
 
 Lord R. Pr'ythee tell me, is the Colonel alive still? 
 
 Ami). Alive, my lord ! yes, yes, he's alive. 
 
 Bos. Did your lordship think absolutely he was dead ? 
 
 Lord R. But he is shrewdly wounded ? 
 
 Ainb. No, my lord. 
 He is very well, but 'twas your kinsman's fortune. 
 
 Bos. Pr'ythee ne'er speak on't. 
 
 Lord R. What? 
 
 Mar. To have a blow, a box on th' ear. 
 
 Lord R. How? 
 
 Mar. With his fist, and an indifferent round one. 
 
 Bos. Yes, yes, he did strike me, I could have told you 
 that ; 
 But wherefore did he strike ? ask them that. 
 
 Mar. If you would know, my lord, he was our orator 
 To rail upon the lady for abusing us, 
 Which I confess he did with lung and spirit. 
 When*, in the conclusion, the Colonel 
 Struck him to the ground. 
 
 Bos. He did so, 'tis a truth. 
 
 Lord R. And did you take it ? 
 
 Bos. Take it ! he gave it me, my lord ; I asked not 
 for it : 
 But 'tis not yet reveng'd. 
 
 Amb. 'Tis truth we suffer'd 
 A little, but the place protected him. 
 
 * Which, ill tilt; (juarto.
 
 64 THE BALL. 
 
 Bos. It was no place, indeed. 
 
 Mar. Now, since you had the greatest burthen in 
 The affront. 
 
 Bos. The blow ? 
 
 Mar. Right, we would know whether your resolution 
 Be first to question him ; for our cause appears 
 Subordinate, and may take breath till you 
 Have call'd him to account. 
 
 Bos. I proclaim nothing, 
 And make no doubt the Colonel will give me 
 Satisfaction like a gentleman. 
 
 Amb. We are answer'd, and take our leave, my lord. 
 
 Lord R. We shall meet at the ball anon, gentlemen. 
 
 Mar. Your lordship's servants : now to our design. 
 
 \exeunt. 
 
 Bos. My lord, I take my leave too. 
 
 Lord R. Not yet, cousin ; you and I have not done. 
 
 Bos. What you please, cousin. 
 
 Lord R. You have cozen'd me too much. 
 
 Bos. I, my good lord ? 
 
 Lord R. Thou most unheard of coward ! 
 How dare you boast relation to me ? 
 Be so impudent as to name, or think upon me, 
 Thou stain to honour ! Honour ! thou 'rt beneath 
 All the degrees of baseness : quit thy father. 
 Thy suppos'd one, and with sufficient testimony 
 Some serving-man leap'd thy mother or some juggler 
 That conjures with old bones, some woman's tailor. 
 When he brought home her petticoat, and took measure 
 Of her loose body, or I'll cuUice thee
 
 THE BALL. 65 
 
 With a bottom.* 
 
 Bos. Good, my lord ! 
 
 Lord R. Be so baffl'd 
 In presence of your mistress ! 'tis enough 
 To make the blood of all thou knowest suspected. 
 And I'll have satisfaction. 
 
 Bos. My lord ! 
 
 Lord R. For using- of my name in ordinaries, 
 I'th' list of others whom you make your privilege, 
 To domineer and win applause sometimes 
 With tapsters and threadbare tobacco merchants. 
 That worship your gold lace and ignorance ; 
 Stand bare, and bend tlieir hams, when you belch out 
 My lord, and t'other cousin in a bawdy-house. 
 Whom, with a noise, you curse by Jack and Tom, 
 For failing you at Fish-street or the Steel-yard. 
 
 Bos. JMy very good lord. 
 
 Lord R. Will you not draw ? 
 
 Bos. Not against your honour, but you shall see. 
 
 Lord R. And vex my eyes to look on such a land-rat ; 
 Were all these shames forgotten, how shall I 
 Be safe in honour with that noble lady. 
 To whom I sinfully commended thee; 
 Though 'twere not much, enough to make her think 
 I am as base as thou art, and the Colonel 
 And all that have but heard thee call me cousin ; 
 
 ♦ Til cullice thee with a bottom, that is, I'll pound thee with a bottom 
 or ball of thread. Cullia, or cullice, is a gravy made from meat pounded in a 
 mortar.
 
 66 THE BALL. 
 
 What cure for this, you malt-worm ! oh, my soul. 
 
 How it does blush to know thee, bragging puppy ! 
 
 D'ye hear me thunder and lightning what 
 
 Nobility my predecessors boasted. 
 
 Or any man from honour's stock descended ? 
 
 How many marquesses and earls are number'd 
 
 In their great family ? what coats they quarter ? 
 
 How many battles our forefathers fought ? 
 
 'Tis poor, and not becoming perfect gentry 
 
 To build their glories at their fathers' cost. 
 
 But at their own expense of blood or virtue. 
 
 To raise them living monuments ; our birth 
 
 Is not our own act ; honour upon trust 
 
 Our ill deeds forfeit ; and the wealthy sums 
 
 Purchas'd by others' fame or sweat, will be 
 
 Our stain, for we inherit nothing truly 
 
 But what our actions make us worthy of; 
 
 And are you not a precious gentleman ? 
 
 Thou art not worth my steel : redeem this love 
 
 Some generous way of undertaking, or 
 
 Thou shalt be given up to boys, and ballads. 
 
 The scorn of footmen, A disgrace more black 
 
 Than bastard ; go to the Colonel. 
 
 Bos, I will, my lord. 
 
 Lord R. But now, I think oft, 'twill be necessary 
 That first you right my honour with the lady : 
 You shall carry a letter; you will do't? 
 
 Bos. I'll carry any thing. 
 
 Lord R. Expect it presently. [e.r?V. 
 
 Bos. Such another conjuring will make me
 
 THE BALI,. 67 
 
 Believe I am illegitimate indeed ; 
 
 This came from keeping company with the blades. 
 
 From whom I learnt to roar and run away : 
 
 I know 'tis a base thing to be a coward. 
 
 But ev'ry man's not born to be a Hercules ; 
 
 Some must be beat that others may be valiant. [^e.vit. 
 
 SCENE II. 
 
 Enter Rosamond and Honoria, whispering ; Sir Marmaduke 
 itnd Sir hn^vmsT. following. 
 
 Ros. Let it be so, they will else be troublesome. 
 
 Mar. This cannot, I hope, displease you, lady, 'tis 
 No new affection I protest, although 
 This be the first occasion I took 
 To express it. \^to Rosamond. 
 
 Ros. You did ill in the expression ; 
 Although your bashfulness would not permit you 
 To speak in your own cause, you might have sent 
 Your meaning ; I can make a shift to read 
 A scurvy hand ; but I shall tell you, sir. 
 
 Mar. Pr'ythee, do. 
 
 Hon. Is't possible your heart hath been tormented 
 In love's flame, and I the cause? [to Sir Ambrose. 
 
 Amb. Your beauty hath the power 
 To melt a Scythian's bosom ; those divine 
 Beams would make soft the earth, when rugged winter 
 Hath seal'd the crannies up with frost ; your eye 
 Will make the frigid region temperate, 
 Should you but smile upon't : account it then
 
 68 THE BALL. 
 
 No wonder if it turn my breast to ashes. 
 
 Ros. I see you are in love by your mention,* 
 And, 'cause I pity a gentleman should lose 
 His passion, I'll acquaint you mth a secret. 
 
 [she whispers to Sir Murmaduke. 
 
 Mar. The lady Honoria ? 
 
 Ros. What misfortune 'twas 
 You did not first apply yourself to her 
 That can reward your love, and hath a heart 
 Spacious to entertain you ; she does love you 
 Upon my knowledge, strangely, and so 
 Commends you in your absence. 
 
 Mar. Say you so, lady ? 
 Pardon, I beseech you, the affection 
 I profest to your ladyship, 'twas but 
 A compliment; I am sorry, I protest. 
 
 Ros. Oh, 'tis excus'd, sir; but I must tell you, 
 Perhaps you will not find her now so tractable. 
 Upon the apprehension she was slighted; 
 But to prescribe you confidence were to 
 Suspect your art, and bold discretion. 
 
 Hon. 'Tis as I tell you, sir : no lady in 
 The world can speak more praises of your body : 
 She knows not yet your mind. [to Sir Ambrose. 
 
 Amb. Is't possible ? 
 
 Hon. And yet because she saw your compliments 
 Directed so unhappily to me, 
 I know not how you'll find her on the sudden ; 
 
 * A line seems to be wanting here.
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 69 
 
 But 'tis not half an hour since you possest 
 The first place in her thoughts. 
 
 Amb. Shall I presume. 
 You will excuse the love I did present 
 Your ladyship ? it was not from my heart ; 
 I hope you will conceive so. 
 
 Hon. A slight error. 
 
 Amb. I am asham'd of"t. 
 
 Hon. 'Tis sufficient 
 That you recant no more neglect. 
 
 [^Sir Ambrose addresses Rosamond. 
 
 Ros. You are pleasant. 
 
 Amb. Be you so too, I'll justify thou shalt 
 Have cause. 
 
 Ros. To wonder at you ; what's your meaning, sir ? 
 
 Amb. Sweet lady. 
 What thoughts make sad your brow ? I have observ'd 
 Your eyes shoot clearer light. 
 
 Ros. You are deceiv'd, 
 I am not melancholy. 
 
 Amb. Be for ever banish'd 
 The imagination of what can happen 
 To cloud so rare a beauty ! you're in love. 
 
 Ros. In love ! who told you so ? 
 
 Amb . But that's no wonder ; 
 We all may love, but you have only power 
 To conquer where you place aflfection. 
 And triumph o'er your wishes. 
 
 Hon. [To Sir Marmaduke.'] I love you ! you're strangely, 
 sir, mistaken ; 
 Put your devices on some other lady;
 
 70 THE BALL. 
 
 I've been so far from any affection to you 
 That I have laboured, I confess, t'unsettle 
 The opinion of my lady Rosamond, 
 Who, I confess, loves you, and that extremely. 
 
 Mar. How ! she love me ? then I have made fine work. 
 
 Hon. What cunning she is mistress of, to hide 
 Her strange affections, or what power she has. 
 She does [not] fly into your arms, I know not. 
 
 Ros. \_To Sir Ambrose.'] Are you so dull? 
 Why, this was but to try your constancy ; 
 I've heard her swear you are the prop'rest knight, 
 The very Adonis ; why, she has got your picture. 
 And made it the only saint within her closet : 
 I blush at your credulity. 
 
 Amb. Is't e'en so ? 
 I have undone myself with her already ; 
 Pardon me, gentle madam, I must leave you. 
 
 Ros. With all my heart. 
 
 Hon. We are reliev'd, [aside to Rosamond. 
 
 Enter Monsieur Le Friske. 
 
 Monsieur Le Friske. 
 
 Le Fris. Tres humble serviteur, madame, me sweat with 
 de hast to wait upon your ladyships ; I pray, give me de 
 leve dispatch presently, for I must figaries to be done. 
 
 Ros. Gentlemen, let your passions breathe awhile, 
 A little music may correct the error. 
 And you may find yourselves, 
 
 Le Fris. Allez. 
 
 Amb. With all my heart; Sir Marmaduke, let's help
 
 THE BALL. 71 
 
 To exercise the ladies. 
 Mar. A good motion. 
 
 Le Fris. And, begar, noting in the world mor profet 
 your body den de motion h la mode de France. 
 
 Mar. I am for any frisk. 
 
 Le Fris Ha! de frisk, you jump upon my na;ne, and, 
 begar, you have my nature to de right, hey, and all de world 
 is but frisk. 
 
 Hon. A country dance then. 
 
 Le Fris. Ah, monsieur, madame! allez. [they dance. 
 
 Fort bon, tres excellent, begar ! so, I crave your patience, 
 madame, gentlemen, you be at de ball, mn foi, you see dat 
 was never in dis world. 
 
 Ros. What, monsieur? 
 
 Le Fris. What do you think dat is ? me tell you, begar ; 
 you see me play de part of de Cupid. 
 
 Hon. A French Cupid ? 
 
 Le Fris. Begar, French Cupid, why ? dere is no love like 
 de French love, dat is Cupid ; love is hot, and de French 
 is hot. I 
 
 Ros. How comes it to pass that you are to play Cupid, 
 monsieur P 
 
 Le Fris. My lord give me command me have device, and 
 de masque for de ladies, and me no trust little jacknape to 
 play young Cupid, but myself. 
 
 Hon. Cupid is a child ; you have a beard, monsieur. 
 
 Le Fris. Me care not de haire for dat ; begar, de little 
 god may have de little beard ; Venus, his moder, have de 
 mole, and Cupid her shild may have de black mussell. 
 
 Hon. But, monsieur, we read Cupid was fair, and
 
 12 THE BALL. 
 
 You are black, how will that agree ? 
 
 Le Fris. Cupid is fair, and monsieur is black ; why, 
 monsieur is black den, and Cupid is fair ; what is dat ? a 
 fair lady love de servant of de black complexion de bon 
 air ; the colour is not de mush ; Vulcan was de black- 
 smith, and Cupid may be de black gentleman, his son 
 legitimate. 
 
 ypnb. 'Tis the way to make Cupid, the boy, no bastard. 
 
 Le Fris. But do you no publish this invention ; me meet 
 you at de ball, arm'd with quiver and de bow. 
 
 Hon. You will not shoot us ; I hope you'll spare our 
 hearts. 
 
 Le Fris. Begar, me shit you if me can, and your arts 
 shall bleed one, two, tree gallon; adieu, madame, serviteur, 
 gentlemen, tres humble [serviteur.'\ 
 
 Amb. Adieu, monsieur ! Now, madam, with your favour, 
 I must renew my suit. 
 
 Hon. You'd better buy a new one ; 
 Nay, then we shall be troubled. [exit. 
 
 Amb. You'll withdraw, 
 I'll follow you. l.exit. 
 
 Mar. Come, come, I know you love me. 
 
 Ros. You may enlarge your folly, my dear knight. 
 But I have pardoned you for love already. [exit. 
 
 Mar. This shall not serve your turn ; I came hither 
 Not to be jeer'd, and one of you shall love me. [exit. 
 
 SCENE III. 
 Enter Bostock, Lady Lucina, and Scutilla. 
 Luc. O impudence ! dares he return ?
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 73 
 
 Sou. It seems so. 
 
 Bos. Most gracious madam, my cousin, your lord 
 Rainebow,* 
 Commends himself in black and white, [gives her a letter. 
 
 Luc. To me? 
 
 Bos. D'ye think 'tis from myself? 
 
 Scu. You might have done't in black and blue. 
 
 Bos. Scutilla, how does thy poor soul ? thou 
 Hast no husband nor children to commend me to. 
 
 Scu. The poor soul's well, I hope your body is 
 Recover'd; does not your left cheek burn still ? 
 We have so talk'd of you. 
 
 Luc. reads: — I am sorry any gentleman that has 
 relation to me should be so forgetful of your honour and 
 his own ; but, though he have forfeited opinion, let me 
 continue innocent in your thoughts. I have sent you a 
 small jewel to expiate my offence for commending him : 
 I expect your ladyship at the ball, where you shall make 
 many happy to kiss your hand, and, in their number, the 
 true admirer of your virtues, Rainebow. 
 
 My lord is honorable. 
 Bos. A slight jewel, madam. 
 
 [_he presents a set of diamonds. 
 
 * On the present and the two following occasions in which the name of this 
 lord occurs, he is called Lord Loveall. He is generally introduced as the 
 ' Lord,' but twice in the preceding scenes he is called ' Lord Rainebow.' The 
 identity of his double-named lordship is unquestionable. The same sort of 
 mistake is made in the first scene of act V., where Sir Ambrose and Sir 
 Marmaduke are called Sir Lionel and Sir Stephen.
 
 74 THE BALL. 
 
 Luc. I am his servant. 
 
 Bos. Nay, faith ! my lord is right ; I have not met 
 The Colonel since you know when. 
 
 Scu. You have more reason to remember. 
 
 Bus. I would be so bold to ask you a question. 
 
 Luc. In the mean time give me leave ; we are none 
 But friends : I know you're valiant. 
 
 Bos. No, no, you do not know't, but I know myself. 
 
 Scu. That's more. 
 
 Luc. But wall you answer me ? why did not you strike 
 him again ? 
 
 Scu. That might have caus'd blood. 
 
 Bos. You're i'the right. 
 
 Luc. You did not fear him ? 
 
 Bos. But blood is not alike, terms were not even ; 
 If I had killed him there had been an end. 
 
 Luc. Of him. 
 
 Bos. Right, madam ; but, if he had wounded me. 
 He might have kill'd, heaven knows, how many. 
 
 Scu. Strange! 
 
 Bos. D'ye not conceive it ? so many drops of mine. 
 So many gentlemen ; nay, more, who knows 
 Which of these might have been a knight, a lord. 
 
 Luc. Perhaps a prince. 
 
 Bos. Princes came from the blood ; 
 And should I hazard such a severation 
 Against a single life ? 'tis not I fear 
 
 To fight mth him by these hilts ; but what wise gamester 
 Will venture a hundred pounds to a flavv'd sixpence?
 
 THE BALL. lO 
 
 Scu. Madam, the Colonel. 
 
 Bos. An' he were ten Colonels, I'll not endure his com- 
 pany. 
 Sweet lady, you and I'll retire. 
 
 Scu. An' you were less honorable. 
 
 Bos. He should not seek me then. 
 
 Scu. He should rather hardly find you ; I'm your 
 servant. [exeu7it Scutilla and Bostock. 
 
 Enter Colonel. 
 
 Luc. I was wishing for you, sir; — 
 Your judgment of these diamonds. 
 
 Col. The stones are pretty. 
 
 Luc. They were a lord's, sent me for a token ; 
 You cannot chuse but know him, the lord Rainebow. 
 
 Col. So, so, so, I am like to speed. 
 
 Luc. Is not he a pretty gentleman ? 
 
 Col. And are you sure he's honest? 
 
 Luc. As lords go now a-days that are in fashion : 
 But, cry you mercy, you have put me in mind, 
 I did propound a business to you, sir. 
 
 Col. And I came prepar'd to answer you. 
 
 Luc. 'Tis very well, I'll call one to be a witness. 
 
 Col. That was not, I remember, in our covenant 
 You shall not need. 
 
 Luc. I'll fetch you a book to swear by. 
 
 Col. Let it be Venus and Adonis then. 
 Or Ovid's wanton Elegies, Aristotle's 
 Problems, Guy of Warwick, or Sir Bevis, 
 Or if there be a play book you love better.
 
 76 THE BALL. 
 
 I'll take my oath upon your epilogue. 
 Luc. You're very merry ; well, swear how you please. 
 Col. In good time ; 
 You do expect now I should swear I'm honest ? 
 
 1.UC. Yes, sir, and 'tis no hard condition. 
 If you reflect upon my promise. 
 Col. What? 
 
 Luc. To marry you ; which act must make you lord 
 Of me and my estate, a round possession ; 
 Some men have gone to hell for a less matter. 
 
 Col. But I will not be damn'd for twenty thousand 
 Such as you are ; had every one a million. 
 And I the authority of a parliament 
 To marry with ye all, I would not buy 
 This flesh ; now I have sworn. 
 
 Luc. I think so. Colonel. 
 Bless me ! twenty thousand wives ! 'twould ne'er 
 Come to my turn, and you'd not live to give 
 The tithe benevolence. 
 
 Col. They would find pages, fools, or gentlemen ushers. 
 Luc. Then, upon the matter ; 
 You being not willing, sir, to take your oath, 
 I may be confident you are not honest. 
 
 Col. Why, look upon me, lady, and consider 
 With some discretion, what part about me 
 Does look so tame you should suspect me lionest ; 
 How old d'ye think I am ? 
 Luc. I guess at thirty. 
 
 Col. Some in the world doubted me not so much ; 
 At thirteen I was ever plump and forward ;
 
 THE BALL. 11 
 
 My dry-nurse swore at seven I kiss'd like one 
 Of five and twenty ; setting that aside. 
 What's my profession ? 
 
 Luc. A soldier. 
 
 Col. So, — examine a whole army and find 
 One soldier that hates a handsome woman ! 
 We cannot march without our bag and baggage. 
 And is't possible when we come where women's pride, 
 And all temptation to wantonness abounds. 
 We should lose our activity ? * 
 
 Luc. You soldiers are brave fellows. 
 
 Col. When we have our pay. 
 We vow no chastity till we marry, lady ; 
 'Tis out of fashion, indeed, with gentlemen 
 To be honest and of age together ; 'tis sufficient. 
 We can provide to take our pleasures too 
 W^ithout infection : a sound body is 
 A treasure, I can tell you : yet if that 
 Would satisfy you, I should make no scruple 
 To swear, but otherwise you must pardon us 
 As we must pardon you. 
 
 Luc. Us, sir ! 
 
 Col. Yes, you ; as if you ladies had not your vagaries. 
 And martial discipline, as well as we. 
 Your outworks and redoubts, your court of guard. 
 Your sentries and perdues, sallies, retreats, 
 
 * The present arrangement of this speech differs from the quarto, in which, 
 I conceive, it is incorrectly printed.
 
 78 THE BALL. 
 
 Parties, and stratas^ems ; women are all honest. 
 Yes, yes, exceeding honest ; let me ask you 
 One question ; I'll not put you to your oath ; 
 I do allow you Hyde Park and Spring Garden. 
 You have a recreation called the ball, 
 A device transported hither by some ladies 
 That affect tennis ; what d'ye play a set ? 
 There's a foul racket kept under the line. 
 Strange words are bandied, and strange revels, madam . 
 Luc. The world imagines so. 
 Col. Nay, you're all talk'd of. 
 Luc. But if men had more wit and honesty. 
 They would let fall their stings on something else ; 
 
 This is discours'd, but when corantos* fail. 
 
 Or news at ordinaries, when the phlegmatic Dutch 
 
 Have ta'en no fisher boats, or our coal ships land 
 
 Safe at Newcastle ; you're fine gentlemen. 
 
 But, to conclude of that we met for ; your honesty. 
 
 Not justified by an oath, as I expected. 
 
 Is now suspended ; wU you swear yet ? 
 
 Col. Why, I thought you had been a Christian widow ; 
 
 Have I not told you enough ; you may meet one 
 
 Will forfeit his conscience, and please you better, 
 
 Some silk-worm of the city, or the court ; 
 
 There be enough will swear away their soul 
 
 For your estate, but I have no such purpose : 
 
 The wars will last, I hope. 
 
 * A coranto is a quick dance.
 
 THE BALL. 79 
 
 Luc. So, SO, Scutilla ! 
 
 Enter Scutii.la. 
 
 You were present when I promised the Colonel 
 To be his wife npon condition 
 He could secure my opinion, by his oath 
 That he was honest ; I am bomid in honour 
 Not to go back ; you've done it, I am yours, sir : 
 Be you a witness to this solemn contract. 
 
 Col. Are you in earnest, lady ? I have not sworn. 
 
 Ltic. You have given better truth. 
 He that can make this conscience of an oath 
 Assures his honesty. 
 
 Col. In mind. 
 
 Lite. What's past 
 I question not, if for the time to come 
 Your love be virtuous to me. 
 
 Col. Most religious. 
 Or let me live the soldiers' dishonour. 
 And die the scorn of gentlemen ; I have not 
 Space enough in my heart to entertain thee. 
 
 Lite. Is not this better than swearing ? 
 
 Col. I confess it. 
 
 Luc. Now I may call you husband. 
 
 Col. No title can more honour me. 
 
 Luc. If t please you, I'll shew you then my children. 
 
 Col. How ! your children ? 
 
 Luc. I have six that call me mother. 
 
 Col. Hast, 'faith ? 
 
 Luc. The elder may want softness to acknowledge you.
 
 80 THE BALL. 
 
 But some are young- enous^h, and may be counsell'd 
 To ask your blessing ; does this trouble you ? 
 
 Col. Trouble me ? no, but it is the first news, lady. 
 Of any children. 
 
 Luc. Nay, they are not like 
 To be a burthen to us, they must trust 
 To their own portions left them by their father. 
 
 Col. Where? 
 
 Luc. But of my estate I cannot keep 
 Any thing from them ; and I know you are 
 So honest, you'd not wish me wrong the orphans; 
 *Tis but six thousand pound in money. Colonel, 
 Among them all, beside some trifling plate 
 Andjewels worth a thousand more. 
 
 Col. No more? 
 
 Luc. My jointure will be firm to us, two hundred 
 Per annum. 
 
 Col. Is it so ? and that will keep 
 A country housej some half-a-dozen cows ; 
 We shall have cheese and butter-milk ; one horse 
 Will serve me and your man to ride to markets. 
 
 Luc. Can'st be content to live i'the country. Colonel ? 
 
 Col. And watch the pease, look to the hay, and talk 
 Of oats and stubble ; I have been brought up to't. 
 And, for a need, can thrash. 
 
 Luc. That will save somewhat. 
 
 Col. I'the year, beside my skill in farrowing pigs. 
 O 'tis a wholesome thing to hold the plough. 
 And wade up to the calf i'the dirty furrows ! 
 Worse than sleeping in a trench or quagmire ;
 
 THE BALL. 81 
 
 You have not heard me whistle yet. 
 
 Luc. No, indeed. 
 
 Col. Why, there's it ; she does counterfeit. Well, lady. 
 Be you in jest or earnest, this is my 
 Resolution ; I'll marry you, an' you'd forty children. 
 And not a foot of land to your jointure ; heaven 
 Will provide for us, an' we do our endeavours ; 
 Where be the children ? come, how many boys T 
 
 Luc. As many as you can g'et, sir. 
 
 Col. How? 
 
 Luc. No more. 
 Since you're so noble, know, I tried your patience. 
 And now I am confirm'd ; my estate is yours 
 Without the weight of children or of debts ; 
 Love me, and I repent not. 
 
 Col. Say'st thou so ? 
 I would we had a priest here. 
 
 Luc. There remains to take away one scruple. 
 
 Col. Another gimcrack ? 
 
 Luc. I have none : 'tis your doubt, sir ; 
 And ere we marry you shall be convinc'd 
 Some malice has corrupted your opinion 
 Of that we call the ball. 
 
 Col. Your dancing business. 
 
 Luc. I will entreat your company to-night. 
 Where your own eyes shall lead you to accuse 
 Or vindicate our fames. 
 
 Col. With all my heart. 
 
 Scu. Madam, Mr. Bostock 
 Expects within.
 
 82 THE BALL. 
 
 Luc. You shall be reconcil'd to him. 
 
 Col. With Bostoek ? willingly; then to the hall ; 
 Which, for your sake, I dare not now suspect ; 
 Where union of hearts such empire brings. 
 Subjects, methinks, are crown'd as well as kings, [exeunt. 
 
 ACT V. SCENE I. 
 
 Enter Le Friske, and Servants ivith perfumes. 
 
 Le Fris. Bon, fort hon; here a little, dere a little more. 
 My lord hire dis house of the city merchent ; begar, it 
 smell musty, and he will have all sweet for de ladies : per- 
 fume, perfume every corner presently, for dere is purpose 
 to make all smoke anon, begar. 
 
 Enter Lady Rosamond, Honoria, and P^reshwater. 
 
 Tres humble serviteur, madame ! 
 
 Hon. Where is my lord ? 
 
 Le Fris. He wait on you presently ; — Monsieur de Fresh- 
 water. 
 
 Fres. Monsieur Le Friske, these ladies were pleas'd 
 To command my attendance hither. 
 
 Le Fris. Welcome to de ball, par ma foi ; you pardon, 
 monsieur, I have much trouble in my little head, I can no 
 stay to complement ; a voire service ! \_ea;it. 
 
 Fres. In all my travels, I have not seen a more
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 83 
 
 Convenient structure. 
 
 Ros. Now you talk of your travels, signior, 'till my 
 lord 
 Come, you shall do us a special favour to 
 Discourse what passages you have seen abroad. 
 
 Hon. Were you ever abroad before, signior ? 
 
 Fres. I hardly ever was at home ; and yet. 
 All countries to the wise man are his own : 
 Did you never travel, ladies ? 
 
 Ros. We are no ladies errant ; 'tis enough 
 For such as you, that look for state employment. 
 
 Fres. Yet there be ladies have your languages. 
 And, married to great men, prove the better statesmen. 
 
 Ros. We have heard talk of many countries. 
 
 Fres. And you may hear talk ; but give me the man 
 That has measur'd them : talk's but talk. 
 
 Hon. Have you seen a fairer city than London? 
 
 Fres. London is nothing — 
 
 Ros. How nothing ? 
 
 Fres. To what it will be a hundred years hence. 
 
 Ros. I have heard much talk of Paris. 
 
 Hon. You have been there, I'm sure. 
 
 Enter Lord Rainebow. 
 
 Fres. I tell you, madam, I took shipping at 
 Gravesend, and had no sooner past 
 The Cantons and Grisons, making some stay 
 In the Valteline, but I came to Paris ; a pretty 
 Hamlet, and much in the situation like Dunstable ; 
 'Tis in the province of Alcontara, some three leagues
 
 84 
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 Distant from Seville, from whence we have our oranges. 
 
 Lord R. Is the fellow mad ? 
 
 Ros. I have heard Seville is in Spain. 
 
 Fres. You may hear many thijigs ; 
 The people are civil that live in Spain, or there 
 May be one town like another ; but if Seville 
 Be not in France, I was never at Seville in my life. 
 
 Hon. Proceed, sir. 
 
 Fres. Do not I know Pans ? it was built by the youngest 
 son 
 Of king Priam, and was call'd by his name ; yet some 
 Call it Lutetia, because the gentlewomen there 
 Play so well upon the lute. 
 
 Lord R. What a rascal is this ! 
 
 Fres. Here I observ'd many remarkable buildings, as the 
 University, which some call the Louvre, where the 
 Students made very much of me, and carried me 
 To the Bear-garden, where I saw a play on the 
 Bank-side, a very pretty comedy, call'd Match me 
 In London. 
 
 Ros. Is't possible ? 
 
 Fres. But there be no such comedians as we have here ; 
 Yet the women are the best actors, they play 
 Their own parts ; a thing much desir'd in England 
 By some ladies, inns o'court gentlemen, and others ; 
 But that, by the Way. 
 
 Hon. See, sir. 
 
 Fres. I had staid longer there, but I was offended with a 
 Villainous scent of onions, which the wind brought from 
 St. Omers.
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 85 
 
 Ros. Onions would make you sleep well. 
 
 Fres. But the scent is not to be endur'd ; I smelt 
 Of 'em when I came to Rome, and hardly 'scap'd the 
 Inquisition for't. 
 
 Hon. Were you at Rome too, signior ? 
 
 Fres. 'Tis in my way to Venice. I'll tell you : madam, I 
 was very 
 Loth to leave their country. 
 
 Ros. Which country ? 
 
 Fres. Where was I last ? 
 
 Hon. In France. 
 
 Fres. Right; for I had a very good inn, where mine 
 host 
 Was a notable good fellow, and a cardinal. 
 
 Ros. How, a cardinal ? O, impudence ! 
 
 Fres. Oh the catches we sang ! and his wife, a pretty 
 woman. 
 And one that warms a bed one o'the best in Europe. 
 
 Hon. Did you ever hear the like ? 
 
 Ros. I did before suspect him. 
 
 Fres. But mine host, — 
 
 Hon. The cardinal ? 
 
 Fres. Right, — had a shrewd pate, and his ears were 
 something 
 
 Of the longest, for one, upon the oath of a w 
 
 Walloon, that from Spain to the Low- 
 Countries, and the other from Lapland into Germany. 
 
 Ros. ISay you so ? 
 
 Fres. A parlous head, and yet loving to his guest 
 As mine host Bankes ; as red in the gills, and as merry
 
 8fi THE BALL. 
 
 A ; but anger him, and he sets all Christendom 
 
 Together by the ears. Well, shortly after I left 
 France, and sailing along the Alps, I came to 
 Lombardy, where I left my cloak, for it was very 
 Hot travelling, and went a pilgrimage to Rome, 
 Where I saw the tombs, and a play in Pompey's 
 Theatre ; here I was kindly entertain'd by an anchorite. 
 In whose chamber I lay, and drank cider. 
 
 Lord R. Nay, now he is desperate. 
 
 Hon. Do not interrupt him. 
 
 Fres. What should I trouble you with many stories ? 
 From hence 
 I went to Naples, a soft kind of people, and cloth'd 
 In silk ; from thence I went to Florence, from whence we 
 Have the art of working custards, which we call 
 Florentines; Milan, a rich state of ' 
 Haberdashers ; Piedmont, where I had excellent venison : 
 And Padua, famous for the pads, or easy saddles, 
 Which our physicians ride upon, and first brought from 
 Thence when they commenc'd doctor. 
 
 Ros. Very good. 
 
 Fres. I saw little in Mantua beside dancing upon the 
 ropes. 
 Only their strong beer, better than any I 
 Ever drank at the Trumpet ; but Venice, of all 
 The Champaign countries, — do not mistake, they are the 
 Valiantest gentlemen under the sun. 
 
 Ros. Is that it ? 
 
 Fres. O the Gatazaners* we turn'd there ! 
 
 ♦ Probably a mis-print for Ckirtezanas,
 
 THE BALL. 8? 
 
 Hon. Who was with you ? 
 
 Fres. Two or three magnificos, grandees of the state ; 
 We tickled them in the very Rialto ; by the same 
 Token, two or three English spies told us they had lain 
 Lieger three months to steal away the Piatzo, and ship 
 It for Covent Garden, a pretty fabric, and building 
 
 Upon the but I was corapell'd to make 
 
 Short stay here, by reason of the Duke's concubine 
 Fell in love with me, gave me a ring of his, out of 
 A solid diamond, which afterwards I lost washing my 
 Hands in the salt water. 
 
 Hon. You should have fish'd for't, and had as good 
 luck as 
 She that found her wedding ring in the 
 Haddock's belly. 
 
 Fres. No, there was no staying ; I took post horse 
 presently 
 For Genoa, and from thence to Madrid, and so to 
 The Netherlands. 
 
 Ros. And how sped you among the Dutch ? 
 
 Fres. Why, we were drunk every day together j they get 
 their 
 Living by it. 
 
 Hon. By drinking ? 
 
 Fres. And making bargains in their tippling : 
 The Jews are innocent, nay, the devil himself 
 Is but a dunce to them, of whose trade they are. 
 
 Hon. What's that ? 
 
 Fres. They fish, they fish still, who can help it ? they 
 Have nets enough, and may catch the Province
 
 S8 THE BALL. 
 
 In time, then let the kingdoms look about them ; 
 
 They can't be idle, and tliey have one advantage 
 
 Of all the world, they'll have no conscience to trouble 
 
 Them. I heard it whisper'd they want butter ; they have 
 
 A design to charm the Indies, and remove their 
 
 Dairy, but that, as a secret, shall go no further. 
 
 I caught a surfeit of boar in Holland ; upon my 
 
 Recovery I went to Flushing, where I met with a handsome 
 
 Frow, with whom I went to Middleborough, by the 
 
 And left her drunk at Rotterdam ; there I took 
 Shipping again for France, from thence to Dover, 
 From Dover to Gravesend, from Gravesend to Queen- 
 Hithe, and from thence to what I am come to. 
 
 Lord R. And, noble signior, you are very welcome. 
 
 Fres. I hope he did not over-hear me. 
 
 Lo7'd R. I am much honour'd, ladies, in your presence. 
 
 Fres. Absence had been a sin, my lord, where you 
 Were pleas'd to invite. 
 
 Enter Monsieur Lk Friske. 
 
 Le Fris. Fie, fie, my lord, give me one eare. 
 
 [^he whispers ivith Lord Rmnehoti'. 
 Lord R. Interrupt me no more, good monsieur. 
 Fres. Monsieur Le Friske, a word, a word, I beseech 
 you; 
 No ewcusez mot. \eant Freshwater and Le Fr'ishe. 
 
 Lord R. Have you thought, ladies, of your absent ser- 
 vant ? 
 Within whose heart the civil war of love — 
 Ros. May end in a soft peace.
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 89 
 
 Lord R. Excellent, lady ! 
 
 Hon. We had armies too, my lord, of wounded thoughts. 
 
 Lord R. And are you agreed to which I must devote 
 My loving service ? and which is wisest, fairest ? 
 Is it concluded yet ? 
 
 Hon. You did propound 
 A hard province, and we could not 
 Determine as you expected ; but, if 
 Your flame be not extinct, we have devis'd 
 Another way. 
 
 Lord R. You make my ambition happy. 
 And, indeed, I was thinking 'twas impossible 
 That two such beauties should give place to either. 
 And I am still that humble votary 
 To both your loves. 
 
 Ro.i. Then this ; we have made lots. 
 That, what we cannot, fate may soon divide. 
 And we are fix'd to obey our destiny : 
 There are but two, one and your wishes guide you. 
 
 Lord R. And will you satisfy my chance? 
 
 Hon. We should 
 Be else unjust. 
 
 Lord R. What method shall we use ? 
 
 Ros. Your hat, my lord, 
 If you vouchsafe the favour. 
 
 Hon. Dare you expose your head to the air so long I 
 
 Lord R. Most willingly ; put in. 
 
 Ros. There is fortune. 
 
 Hon. That draw which cjuickly tells how much I love 
 you.
 
 90 THE BALL. 
 
 Lord R. So, so, now let me sec; I commend your device. 
 Since I am incapable of both. 
 This is a way indeed ; but your favour. 
 Ros. Let's have fair play, my lord. 
 Lord R. What fool is he. 
 That, having the choice of mistresses, will be 
 Confin'd to one, and rob himself? I am yet 
 The favorite of both ; this is no policy ; 
 I could make shift with both a-bed. 
 Ros. You are merry. 
 
 Lord R. In troth, and so I am ; and in the mind 
 I am in, will give myself no cause to the contrary. 
 D'ye see ? I'll draw you both. 
 Hon. How ! both ? 
 
 Lord R. You cannot otherwise be reconcil'd ; 
 I'll be content to marry one, and do 
 Service to the other's petticoat ; I must tell you, 
 I am not without precedent. 
 Hon. There you triumph. 
 
 Lord R. Within the name of Venus ha ! a blank : 
 
 By this light ! nothing, neither name nor mark. 
 Both. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 Lord R. This is a riddle yet. 
 Ros. 'Tis quickly solv'd : 
 Your lordship was too confident ; 
 We never were at such a loss, my lord. 
 As, with the hazard of our wit or honour. 
 To court you with so desperate aflfection. 
 
 Hon. By our example know, some ladies may 
 Commend, nay, love a gentleman, and yet
 
 THE BALL. 91 
 
 Be safe in their own thoughts, and see as far 
 As modesty and honour will allow us : 
 We are still servants to your lordship. 
 
 Lord R. Say so ? why look you, ladies, that you may 
 perceive 
 How I can be temperate too ; first, I thank you 
 Heartily, and, to recompense your wit. 
 Present another lottery ; you shall not 
 Suspect I have a thought that will betray 
 Your innocence to scandal ,• let me entreat 
 You take your chance too : this for you, madam, 
 And this is left your fortune ; do me honour 
 To wear these pair of jewels for my sake : 
 So, with a confidence of your happy pardon 
 To what is past, hereafter I shall pay 
 To your true virtues, better service than 
 So unnecessary trials. 
 
 Ros. And to shew 
 We are not coy, my lord, we'll wear your jewels. 
 
 Lord R. And be their ornament. 
 
 Enter Lucina, Colonel, Bostock, and Freshwater. 
 
 Col. All happiness to your lordship ! 
 Your crewels are not full set, noble ladies. 
 
 Lord R. Your presence will soon make us active ; madam, 
 I was bold. 
 
 Bos. She has your diamond, my lord. 
 
 [jord R. And can you pardon ? 
 
 Bos. Nay, nay, we are friends, are 
 We not, madam r
 
 92 THE BALL. 
 
 Luc. I were else unmerciful. 
 
 Bos. The Colonel too has given me satisfaction. 
 
 Col. I think you had enough. 
 
 Bos. As much as I desir'd ; and here's my hand ; 
 While I can draw a sword, command me — 
 
 Col. WTiat? 
 
 Bos. To put it up again ; all friends, all friends ! 
 A pox of quarrelling ! 
 
 Col. I kiss your hand, sir. 
 
 Bos. Kiss my hand, kiss my noble ladies here. 
 
 Col. Why is music silent all this while ? 
 Has it no voice to bid these ladies welcome r 
 
 [a golden ball descends. 
 
 Enter Venus, Cupid, and Diana. 
 
 F'en. Come, boy, now draw thy powerful bow. 
 Here are ladies' hearts enow 
 To be transfix'd ; this meeting^ is 
 To ruffle ladies, and to kiss : 
 These are my orgies ; from each eye 
 A thousand wanton glances fly ; 
 Lords and ladies of the game. 
 Each breast be full of my own flame. 
 Why shoots not Cupid ? these are all 
 Met in honour of my ball. 
 Which Paris gave to Ida hill ; 
 I'll maintain these revels still. 
 Why stays Cupid all this while ? 
 
 Dia. Venus doth herself beguile. 
 
 Fen. Diana here ? go back again.
 
 THE BALL. 9^ 
 
 Dia. These are none of Venus' train ; 
 No spark of this lascivious fire 
 Dwells in their bosoms, no desire, 
 But what doth fill Diana's breast, 
 In their modest thoughts do rest. 
 Venus, this new festival. 
 Shall be still Diana's ball ; 
 A chaste meeting ever here : 
 Seek thy votaries other where. 
 
 Ven. You're chaste, indeed! do not we know. 
 You to your sweetheart nightly go, 
 Envying one is not kiss'd ; no, you 
 On his face but let fall dew ; 
 Some may wonder what doth ail 
 Your lips, but kisses made them pale ; 
 Methinks the moon should blush ! 
 
 Did. I do. 
 Sometimes, but 'tis for such as you : 
 Then hide myself within a mist. 
 For shame to see thee clipp'd and kiss'd. 
 
 Ven, Draw, Cupid ; shall thy mother be 
 Brand by a huntress ? let me see — 
 I want one shaft. 
 
 Cup. Mother, not so; 
 You may cpiickly break my bow : 
 Here Diana doth command. 
 My bow is frozen to my hand ; 
 Beside, the ladies' breasts are here 
 Such proofs against my shafts, I fear 
 Each arrow would, to our disgrace.
 
 94 THE BALL. 
 
 Break, or rebound in ray own face ; 
 Mother, fly hence, or yon will be. 
 If you'll stay, made as chaste as she. 
 
 Ven. Can her magick charm them so ? 
 Then 'tis time that Venus go. 
 To seek her own more choice delight. 
 Against my will, enjoy this night. 
 
 Dia. Cupid, if you mean to stay. 
 Throw your licentious shafts away ; 
 Then you are Love, then be embrac'd, 
 Love is welcome while he's chaste. 
 Now some other strain, to show 
 What pleasures to this night we owe. [« dance. 
 
 Enter Barker, like a Satyr, dancing. 
 
 Fres. My lord, my ladies, will you see a monster? 
 I have not met such another in all my travels. 
 
 Lite. What have we here, a satyr ? 
 
 Bos. No, 'tis a dancing bear. 
 
 Lord R. What is the device ? 
 
 Bar. Wonder that a satyr can 
 Put oflf wildness, and turn man ; 
 Love such miracles can do : 
 But this owes itself to you, 
 Bright lady. 
 
 Ros. Keep the goblin from me, gentlemen. 
 
 Bar. You'll know jne. 
 
 All. Barker. 
 
 Bar. No more the cynick ; I protest, 
 You have converted me.
 
 THE BALL. 95 
 
 Ros. Your meaning, sir ? 
 
 Bar. I am the man you did encourage, madam. 
 To learn to dance ; I shall do better shortly ; 
 Your love will perfect me, and make me soft 
 And smooth as any reveller. 
 
 Ros. Ha, ha, ha ! my love ! I am not mad to love a satyr. 
 For that's thy best condition. Judge, men all, 
 How scurvily this civility shews in him ! 
 'Faith ! rail, and keep your humour still, it shews excel- 
 lent ; 
 Does he not become the beast ? 
 The lords allow you pension. 
 
 All. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Bar. You are a witch ; I'll justify it, and there is not 
 One honest thought among the whole sex of you : 
 D'ye laugh, loose witted ladies ? there are not 
 In hell such furies, that's a comfort yet 
 To him that shall go thither ; he shall have 
 Less torment after death than he finds here. 
 
 Lord R. Why, Barker ? 
 
 Bar. Your wit has got the squirt too ; I'll traduce 
 Your ball for this, and if there be a poet. 
 That dares write mischief, look to be worse 
 Than executed. [ea,'if. 
 
 Lord R. He will come to himself again, when he hath 
 purg'd. 
 Freshwater ! \_takes him aside. 
 
 Enter Sir Marmadoke and Sir Ambrose. 
 Mar. Madam, your servants beg this favour from you.
 
 96 THE BALL. 
 
 Ros. What is't ? 
 
 Mar. That, since your resolutions will admit 
 No change of hearts, you will not publish how 
 We have been jeer'd. 
 
 Ros. Not jeer'd, but you came on so desperate. 
 . Hon. We love our own, when we preserve 
 Gentlemen's honour. 
 
 Col. Then let's toss the ball. 
 
 Lord R. Sio^nior Freshwater. 
 
 Fres. Mercy and silence, as you are honorable ! 
 
 Lord R. May it concern these gentlemen ? 
 
 Fres. W)a.y, if I must — gentlemen, you imagine I have 
 been 
 At Venice, but I staid at Gravesend 
 All this summer, expecting a wind, and finding it 
 So uncertain, will defer the voyage till the spring ; 
 I am not the first whom the winds and seas have cross'd. 
 
 Mar. Then you have cross'd no sea ? 
 
 Fres. If you please, I'll require 
 But my principal ; and, for your good company, 
 I'll stay at home for good, and all to be merry. 
 
 Lord R. Nay, nay, you shall go your voyage : 
 We would not have you lose the benefit 
 Of travel : when you come home, you may summon 
 Your debtors by a drum, and, shewing your bag 
 Of certificates — 
 
 Bos. Receive your money when you can get it, and be 
 Knighted. 
 
 Fres. I thank you, gentlemen; I a:n in a way, nowj 
 I have sold my land, and put out my money.
 
 THE BALL. 7-9 
 
 To live ; I see my heart will not dance to night. 
 
 I may to Gravesend in the morning, 
 
 I can be but pickl'd in salt water, and I'll 
 
 Venture one drowning to be reveng'd. 
 
 Again, again ; set, set. [a dance. 
 
 Luc. What think you of all this ? 
 
 Col. To my wishes, an innocent and generous recreation. 
 
 Lord R. Ladies and gentlemen, now a banquet waits you ; 
 Be pleas'd to accept, 'twill give you breath, and tlien. 
 Renew our revels, and to the ball again. \_ea'punt.
 
 LONDON : 
 
 Printed by D. S. Maurice, Fenchurch Street.
 
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