G- ^5%5 'l^ 
 
 3 vn'^ 
 
 HT 
 
 r''
 
 CAMBRIDGE ENGLISH CLASSICS 
 
 Hudibras 
 by 
 
 Samuel Butler
 
 SAMUEL BUTLER 
 
 Born 1 6 1 2 ? 
 Died 1680
 
 SAMUEL BUTLER 
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 WRITTEN IN THE TIME OF THE LATE 
 
 WARS 
 
 THE TEXT EDITED BY 
 
 A. R. WALLER 
 
 '•ftirosS^ 
 
 Cambridge: 
 
 at the University Press 
 
 1905
 
 CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY PRESS WAREHOUSE, 
 C. F. CLAY, Manager. 
 EonJon: AVE MARIA LANE, E.G. 
 50, WELLINGTON STREET. 
 
 Efipjig: F. A. j BROCKHAUS. 
 
 ^tiD lork: THE MACMILLAN COMPANY. 
 
 Bombau mtj Calcutta : MACMILLAN AND CO., Ltd. 
 
 [Ai/ Rights reserved]
 
 I i 
 UMVERSI i Y {Jt I.ALIFORMA 
 SAiNTA BARBARA 
 
 NOTE. 
 
 THE first edition of the First Part of Samuel 
 Butler's Hudibras was ' Printed by J. G. for 
 Richard Marriot, under Saint Dunstans Church in 
 Fleet street. 1663.' It was published anonymously and 
 carries the ' Imprimatur' of ' Jo : Berkenhead. Novemb. 
 II. 1662.' The title runs thus: — HUDIBRAS. | 
 THE FIRST PART. | Written in the time of the late 
 Wars. |, followed by the design of a wreath. The 
 book measures 4-|- x 7 ins., contains 268 pages, and a few 
 errata are given at the foot of the last page. Though 
 dated 1663, it was on sale soon after the date of the 
 License, for Mr Pepys, who does not seem to have been 
 greatly attracted to the poem at his first reading, 
 records, under date December 26, 1662: 'To the 
 Wardrobe. Hither come Mr Battersby ; and we 
 falling into discourse of a new book of drollery in 
 use called Hudebras, I would needs go find it out, and 
 met with it at the Temple : cost me is. Gd. But when 
 I came to read it, it is so silly an abuse of the Presbyter 
 Knight going to the warrs, that I am ashamed of it ; 
 and by and by meeting at Mr Townsend's at dinner, 
 I sold it to him for 18^.' He appears, however, to 
 have repented of this rash act, for six weeks later 
 (February 6, 1 662-3) he writes: 'And so to a bookseller's 
 in the Strand, and there bought Hudibras again, it 
 being certainly some ill humour to be so against that 
 which all the world cries up to be an example of wit;
 
 NOTE 
 
 for which I am resolved once again to read him, and see 
 whether I can find it or no.' (Ed. Wheatley, 1893.) 
 
 The Second Part, ' By the Authour of the First,' 
 was ' Printed by T. R. for John Marty n^ and James 
 Allestry at the Bell in St Pauls Church Yard, 1664.' 
 A block on the title page contains the design of a bell 
 and the publishers' initials 'MA' interlaced. The 
 'Imprimatur' is signed 'Roger L'Estrange. Novemb. 5'''- 
 1663.' The book measures 4^^ x 7 ins., contains 216 
 pages and has a few errata noted at the foot of the last 
 page. 
 
 These first editions of Parts I. and II. do not 
 contain either the ' Annotations ' or ' An Heroical 
 Epistle of Hudibras to Sidrophel,' which were added 
 later. Both parts were ' corrected and amended, with 
 several additions and annotations' in 1674. An issue 
 of the year 1678 forms the basis of the present edition, 
 and in the Appendix will be found the variations 
 between the issues of 1678 and the first editions of 
 1663-4. 
 
 ' The Third and last Part. Written by the Author 
 of the First and Second Parts,' ' Printed for Simon 
 Miller^ at the sign of the Star at the West End of 
 St Pauls^' (4x7 ins.) was published in 1678 and reprinted 
 in 1679, from a copy of which later issue the present 
 text has been printed. A few trifling variations between 
 1678 and 1679 will be found noted in the Appendix 
 to the present edition, where also will be found a list 
 of errors in the three parts deemed to be misprints and 
 therefore altered in the present text. 
 
 Of the numerous editions which appeared after the 
 death of Butler, mention need only be made of the 
 elaborately annotated two volume edition of Zachary 
 Grey, LL.D., ' Adorn'd with a new Set of Cuts ' (by 
 Hogarth), published at Cambridge in 1744 and 'Printed 
 
 vi
 
 NOTE 
 
 by J. Bentham, Printer to the University, for 
 W. Innys, A. Ward, Mess. J. and P. Knapton, D. 
 Browne, S. Bin, T. Longman, T. Woodward, C. Hitch, 
 J. Oswald, J. Shuckburgh, J. Hodges, E. Wicksteed, 
 Mess. Ward and Chandler, G. Hawkins, Mess. J. and 
 R. Tonson, M. Cooper, R. Wellington, and C. Bathurst, In 
 London.' Dr Grey gives the reading he prefers, when 
 confronted with earlier and later readings, and in other 
 respects his text is 'edited.' Its annotations are its 
 great merit. 
 
 The purchaser of early editions of Butler's Hudibras 
 may be warned against the spurious or pirated issues 
 that accompanied the first edition of Part I. ; the 
 particulars given above should suffice to identify the 
 first genuine impression. The matter is further com- 
 plicated by the existence of genuine texts in a smaller 
 state, concerning which Lowndes (ed. H. G. Bohn, 
 1862) states 'When the legitimate "author's edition," 
 in small 8vo. came out in 1663, another smaller edition, 
 the size of the spurious one, appears to have been 
 published at the same time, and by the same publishers, 
 probably to compete in cheapness with its rival.' 
 
 I have taken the alternative readings of Parts L and 
 II. from the copy of the first genuine 8vo. state in the 
 Cambridge University Library (Syn. 7, 66, i^^^). Of the 
 various states of the first edition of Part III. particulars 
 are given in an interesting correspondence in Notes and 
 Queries, 6th ser., vi. pp. 108, 150, 276, 311, 370 and 
 454. The copies collated in the preparation of the present 
 text are those in the British Museum (G. 11450 and 
 1 1623. ^- ^3- (2-))- -^ useful bibliography of illustrated 
 editions of Hudibras, translations, spurious editions, 
 imitations, etc., will be found in Mr R. B. Johnson's 
 edition of the poetical works of Samuel Butler, Vol. i., 
 1893, ^^"^ some interesting states of the early issues of
 
 NOTE 
 
 Parts I. and II. are described in Messrs Pickering 
 and Chatto's Book Lover's Leaflet, No. 137. 
 
 The method adopted in the editing of the present 
 text is the same as that adopted for the other volumes of 
 the Cambridge English Classics. Evident misprints 
 in punctuation have been corrected but all such cases 
 are set forth in the Appendix at the end. In all other 
 respects, what are now regarded as eccentricities of 
 punctuation have been left as originally printed, just as 
 inconsistencies of spelling have been left ' unedited.' 
 Even to students who have only acquired a slight 
 familiarity with the literature of two or three hundred 
 years ago, the ' pointing ' of those days is no more a 
 stumbling-block than the spelling ; it is no greater 
 hindrance to appreciation and understanding ; and it 
 gives to the general reader an added sense of nearness 
 to the actual form in which the author made his 
 appearance. 
 
 A. R. WALLER. 
 
 Cambridge, 
 
 16 December, 1904. 
 
 vm
 
 HUDIBRAS. 
 
 T'he First and Second T^arts, 
 
 Written in the Time of the 
 
 Late Wars. 
 
 CORRECTED & AMENDED, 
 
 With 
 Several Additions and Annotations. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 Printed by 7". N. for John Martyn and Henry 
 Herringman^ at the Bell in St. Pauls Church- 
 yard, and at the Anchor in the Lower 
 Walk of the New Exchange^ 1678.
 
 HUDIBRAS. 
 
 The Argument of the First 
 CANTO. 
 
 Sir Hudibras his passing worthy 
 The manner hoiv he sally'' d forth : 
 His Arms and Equipage are shown \ 
 His Horse's Vertues^ and his own. 
 Th"" Adventure of the Bear and Fiddle 
 Is sung, but breaks off in the middle. 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 WHen civil fury first grew high, 
 And men fell out they knew not why, 
 When hard JVords.^ Jealousies, and Fears, 
 Set Folks together by the Ears, 
 And made them fight, like mad or drunk. 
 For Dame Religion as for Punk, 
 Whose honesty they all durst swear for. 
 Though not a man of them knew wherefore : 
 When Gospel-Trutnpeter surrounded. 
 With long-ear'd rout to Battel sounded. 
 And Pulpit, Drum Ecclesiastick, 
 Was beat with fist, instead of a stick : 
 Then did Sir Knight abandon dwelling. 
 And out he rode a Colonelling. 
 
 A 2
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 A Wight he was, whose very sight wou'd 
 Entitle him Mirror of Knighthood \ 
 That never bent his stubborn knee 
 To any thing but Chivalry, 
 Nor put up blow, but that which laid 
 Right worshipful on Shoulder-blade: 
 Chief of Domestick Knights and Errant, 
 Either for Chartel or for Warrant : 
 Great on the Bench, Great in the Saddle, 
 That could as well bind o'er, as swaddle. 
 Mighty he was at both of these, 
 And styl'd of War as well as Peace. 
 (So some Rats of amphibious nature. 
 Are either for the Land or Water) 
 But here our Authors make a doubt. 
 Whether he were more wise, or stout. 
 Some hold the one, and some the other: 
 But howsoe'er they make a pother. 
 The difference was so small, his Brain 
 Outweigh'd his Rage but half a Grain : 
 Which made some take him for a Tool 
 That Knaves do work with, call'd a Fool. 
 And offer to lay wagers that 
 As Moioitaigyie playing with his Cat, 
 Complains she thought him but an Ass, 
 Much more she would Sir Hudibras. 
 (For that's the Name our valiant Knight 
 To all his Challenges did write.) 
 But they're mistaken very much, 
 'Tis plain enough he was no such. 
 We grant, although he had much wit, 
 H' was very shie of using it, 
 As being loath to wear it out. 
 And therefore bore it not about. 
 Unless on Holy-days, or so. 
 As Men their best Apparel do. 
 Beside, 'tis known he could speak Greek, 
 As naturally as Pigs squeek : 
 That Lotine was no more difficile, 
 Than to a Black-bird 'tis to whistle.
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 Being rich in both, he never scanted 
 
 His Bounty unto such as wanted; 
 
 But much of either would afford, 
 
 To many that had not one word. 
 
 For Hebrew Roots, although th' arc found 
 
 To flourish most in barren ground, 
 
 He had such plenty as suffic'd 
 
 To make some think him circumcis'd : 
 
 And truely so perhaps, he was 
 
 'Tis many a Pious Christians case. 
 
 He was in Logick a great Critick, 
 
 Profoundly skill'd in Analytick. 
 
 He could distinguish, and divide 
 
 A Hair 'twixt South and South-West side: 
 
 On either which he would dispute. 
 
 Confute, change hands, and still confute. 
 
 He'd undertake to prove by force 
 
 Of Argument, a Man's no Horse. 
 
 He'd prove a Buzard is no Fowl, 
 
 And that a Lord may be an Owl, 
 
 A Calf an Alderman^ a Goose a yustice^ 
 
 And Rooks Committee-men^ and Trustees ; 
 
 He'd run in Debt by Disputation, 
 
 And pay with Ratiocination. 
 
 All this by Syllogism, true 
 
 In mood and Figure, he would do. 
 
 For Rhetorick he could not ope 
 His mouth, but out there flew a Trope: 
 And when he hapned to break off 
 I'th' middle of his speech, or cough, 
 H' had hard words, ready to shew why, 
 And tell what Rules he did it by. 
 Else when with greatest Art he spoke, 
 You'd think he talk'd like other folk, 
 For all a Rhetoricians Rules, 
 Teach nothing but to name his l\)ols. 
 His ordinary Rate of Speech 
 In loftiness of sound was rich.
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 A Babylonhb dialeil, 
 
 Which learned Pedants much affe6l. 
 
 It was a parti-colour'd dress 
 
 Of patch'd and pyball'd Languages : 
 
 'Twas English cut on Greek and Lat'in^ 
 
 Like Fustian heretofore on Sattin. 
 
 It had an odd promiscuous Tone, 
 
 As if h' had talk'd three parts in one. 
 
 Which made some think when he did gabble, 
 
 Th' had heard three Labo'rers of Babel; 
 
 Or Cerberus himself pronounce 
 
 A Leash of Languages at once. 
 
 This he as volubly would vent 
 
 As if his stock would ne'er be spent. 
 
 And truly to support that charge 
 
 He had supplies as vast and large. 
 
 For he could coin or counterfeit 
 
 New words with little or no wit : 
 
 Words so debas'd and hard, no stone 
 
 Was hard enough to touch them on. 
 
 And when with hasty noise he spoke 'em, 
 
 The Ignorant for currant took 'em. 
 
 Fhat had the Orator who once, 
 
 Did fill his Mouth with Pibble Stones 
 
 When he harangu'd, but known his Phrase, 
 
 He would have us'd no other ways. 
 
 In Mathematicks he was greater 
 Than Tycho Brahe^ or Errn Pater : 
 For he, by Geometr'ick scale, 
 Could take the size of Pots of Ak\ 
 Resolve by Signs and Tangents streight. 
 If Bread or Butter wanted weight; 
 And wisely tell what hour o'th' day 
 The Clock doth strike, by Algebra. 
 
 Beside he was a shrewd Philosopher^ 
 And had read every Text and gloss over: 
 What e'er the crabbcd'st Author hath 
 He understood b' implicit Faith,
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 What ever Sceptick could inquire for ; 
 
 For every why he had a wherefore \ 
 
 Knew more than forty of them do, 
 
 As far as words and terms could go. 
 
 All which he understood by Rote, 
 
 And as occasion serv'd, would quote; 
 
 No matter whether right or wrong : 
 
 They might be either said or sung. 
 
 His Notions fitted things so well, 
 
 That which was which he could not tell; 
 
 But oftentimes mistook th' one 
 
 For th' other, as great Clerks have done. 
 
 He could reduce all things to Adls, 
 
 And knew their Natures by Abstra6ls, 
 
 Where Entity and Quiddity 
 
 The Ghosts of defunct Bodies flie; 
 
 Where Truth in Person does appear. 
 
 Like words congeal'd in Northern Air. 
 
 He knew whafs ivhat^ and that's as high 
 
 As Metaphysick Wit can fly, 
 
 In School Divifiity as able 
 
 As he that hight Irrefragable \ 
 
 Profound in all the Nominal 
 
 And real ways beyond them all ; 
 
 And with as delicate a Hand, 
 
 Could twist as tough a Rope of Sand. 
 
 And weave fine Cobwebs, fit for Skull 
 
 That's empty when the Moon is full ; 
 
 Such as take Lodgings in a Head 
 
 That's to be lett unfurnished. 
 
 He could raise Scruples dark and nice, 
 
 And after solve 'em in a trice : 
 
 As if Divinity had catch 'd 
 
 The Itch, of purpose to be scratch'd ; 
 
 Or, like a Mountebank, did wound 
 
 And stab her self with doubts profound, 
 
 Only to shew with how small pain 
 
 The sores of faith are cur'd again ; 
 
 Although by woful proof we find, 
 
 They always leave a Scar behind.
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 He knew the Seat of Paradise, 
 
 Could tell in what degree it lies : 
 
 And as he was dispos'd, covild prove it, 
 
 B[e]low the Moon, or else above it. 
 
 What Adaffi dreamt of when his Bride 
 
 Came from her Closet in his side : 
 
 Whether the Devil tempted her 
 
 By a High Dutch Interpreter: 
 
 If either of them had a Navel; 
 
 Who first made Musick malleable: 
 
 Whether the Serpent at the fall 
 
 Had cloven Feet, or none at all. 
 
 All this without a Gloss or Comment, 
 
 He would unriddle in a moment : 
 
 In proper terms, such as men smatter 
 
 When they throw out and miss the matter. 
 
 For his Religion it was fit 
 
 To match his Learning and his Wit : 
 
 'Twas Presbyteriati true blew. 
 
 For he was of that stubborn Crew 
 
 Of Errant Saints, whom all men grant 
 
 To be the true Church Militant : 
 
 Such as do build their Faith upon 
 
 The holy Text of Pike and Gun-^ 
 
 Decide all Controversies by 
 
 Infallible Artillery; 
 
 And prove their Dodrine Orthodox 
 
 By Apostolick Blows and Knocks; 
 
 Call Fire and Sword and Desolation, 
 
 A godly-thorough-Reformation, 
 
 Which always must be carry'd on, 
 
 And still be doing, never done: 
 
 As if Religion were intended 
 
 For nothing else but to be mended. 
 
 A Se6l, whose chief Devotion lies 
 
 In odd perverse Antipathies; 
 
 In falling out with that or this, 
 
 And finding somewhat still amiss : 
 
 More peevish, cross, and splenetick.
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 Than Dog distraft, or Monky sick. 
 
 That with more care keep Holy-day 
 
 The wrong, than others the right way : 
 
 Compound for Sins, they are inch'n'd to; 
 
 By damning those they have no mind to; 
 
 Still so perverse and opposite, 
 
 As if they worshipp'd God for spight, 
 
 The self-same thing they will abhor 
 
 One way, and long another for. 
 
 Free-will they one way disavow, 
 
 Another, nothing else allow. 
 
 All Piety consists therein 
 
 In them, in other Men all Sin. 
 
 Rather than fail, they will defie 
 
 That which they love most tenderly, 
 
 Quarrel with minc\l Pies^ and disparage 
 
 Their best and dearest friend. Plum-porridge ; 
 
 Fat Pig and Goose it self oppose. 
 
 And blaspheme Custard through the Nose. 
 
 Th' Apostles of this fierce Religion, 
 
 Like Mahomet's^ were Ass and Widgeon, 
 
 To whom our Knight, by fast instinft 
 
 Of Wit and Temper was so linkt, 
 
 As if Hipocrisie and Non-sence 
 
 Had got th' Advouson of his Conscience. 
 
 Thus was he gifted and accouter'd. 
 We mean on th' inside, not the outward : 
 That next of all we shall discuss ; 
 Then listen Sirs, it followeth thus : 
 
 His tawny Beard was th' equal grace 
 Both of his Wisdom and his Face ; 
 In Cut and Dy so like a Tile, 
 A sudden view it would beguile : 
 The upper part thereof was Whey, 
 The nether Orange mixt with Grey. 
 This hairy Meteor did denounce 
 The fall of Scepters and of Crowns ; 
 With grizly type did represent
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Declining Age of Government ; 
 
 And tell with Hieroglyphick Spade, 
 
 Its own grave and the State's were made. 
 
 Like Sampson^ Heart-breakers, it grew 
 
 In time to make a Nation rue ; 
 
 Though it contributed its own fall, 
 
 To wait upon the publick downfall. 
 
 It was Canonick, and did grow 
 
 In Holy Orders by stridl: vow ; 
 
 Of Rule as sullen and severe, 
 
 As that of rigid Coydeliere : 
 
 'Twas bound to suffer Persecution 
 
 And Martyrdome with resolution ; 
 
 T' oppose it self against the hate 
 
 And vengeance of th' incensed State : 
 
 In whose defiance it was worn. 
 
 Still ready to be pull'd and torn, 
 
 With red-hot Irons to be tortur'd, 
 
 Revil'd, and spit upon, and martyr'd. 
 
 Maugre all which, 'twas to stand fast, 
 
 As long as Monarchy should last. 
 
 But when the State should hap to reel, 
 
 'Twas to submit to fatal Steel, 
 
 And fall, as it was consecrate 
 
 A Sacrifice to fall of State ; 
 
 Whose thred of life the fatal Sisters 
 
 Did twist together with its Whiskers, 
 
 And twine so close, that time should never. 
 
 In life or death, their fortunes sever ; 
 
 But with his rusty Sickle mow 
 
 Both down together at a blow. 
 
 So learned Taliacot'ius from 
 The brawny part of Porter's Bum, 
 Cut supplemental Noses, which 
 Would last as long as Parent breech : 
 But when the Date of Nock was out, 
 Off dropt the Sympathetick Snout. 
 
 10
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 His Back^ or rather Burthen show'd 
 As if it stoop'd with its own load. 
 For as Mneas bore his Sire, 
 Upon his S[h]oulders through the Fire : 
 Our Knight did bear no less a Pack 
 Of his own Buttocks on his Back : 
 Which now had almost got the Upper- 
 Hand of his Head, for want of Crupper. 
 To poize this equally, he bore 
 A Paunch of the same bulk before : 
 Which still he had a special care 
 To keep well cramm'd with thrifty fare ; 
 As White-pot, Butter-milk, and Curds, 
 Such as a Countrey house affords ; 
 W[i]th other Victual, which anon, 
 We further shall dilate upon. 
 When of his Hose we come to treat. 
 The Cub-bord where he kept his meat. 
 
 His Doublet was of sturdy Buff, 
 
 And though not Sword, yet Cudgel-proof; 
 
 Whereby 'twas fitter for his use. 
 
 That fear'd no blows but such as bruise. 
 
 His Breeches were of rugged Woollen, 
 
 And had been at the Siege of Bullen^ 
 
 To old King Harr\ so well known. 
 
 Some Writers held they were his own. 
 
 Through they were lin'd with many a piece, 
 
 Of Ammunition-Bread and Cheese, 
 
 And fat Black-puddings, proper food 
 
 For Warriers that delight in Blood ; 
 
 For, as we said, he alway chose 
 
 To carry Vittle in his Hose. 
 
 That often tempted Rats, and Mice, 
 
 The Ammunition to surprize : 
 
 And when he put a Hand but in 
 
 The one or th' other Magazine, 
 
 They stoutly in defence on't stood 
 
 And from the wounded Foe drew bloud, 
 
 II
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And till th' were storm'd and beaten out, 
 
 Ne'r left the fortifi'd Redoubt ; 
 
 And though Knights Errant, as some think, 
 
 Of old did neither eat nor drink, 
 
 Because when thorough Desarts vast 
 
 And Regions Desolate they past, 
 
 Where Belly-timber above ground 
 
 Or under was not to be found. 
 
 Unless they graz'd, there's not one word 
 
 Of their Provision on Record : 
 
 Which made some confidently write, 
 
 They had no stomachs but to fight, 
 
 'Tis false : for Arthur wore in Hall 
 
 Round Table like a Farthingal, 
 
 On which, with Shirt pull'd out behind, 
 
 And eke before his good Knights din'd. 
 
 Though 'twas no Table, some suppose, 
 
 But a huge pair of round Trunk-hose ; 
 
 In which he carry'd as much meat 
 
 As he and all his Knights could eat ; 
 
 When laying by their Swords and Truncheons, 
 
 They took their Breakfasts, or their Nuncheons ; 
 
 But let that pass at present, lest 
 
 We should forget where we digrest ; 
 
 As learned Authors use, to whom 
 
 We leave it, and to th' purpose come. 
 
 His Puissant Sword unto his side 
 
 Near his undaunted Heart was ty'd. 
 
 With Basket-hilt, that wou'd hold broth, 
 
 And serve for Fight, and Dinner both. 
 
 In it he melted Lead for Bullets, 
 
 To shoot at Foes, and sometimes Pullets ; 
 
 To whom he bore so fell a Grutch, 
 
 He ne'er gave quarter t' any such. 
 
 The trenchant blade, Toledo trusty, 
 
 For want of fighting was grown rusty. 
 
 And eat into it self, for lack 
 
 Of some body to hew and hack. 
 
 The peaceful Scabbard where it dwelt. 
 
 The Rancor of its Edge had felt : 
 
 12
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 For of the lower end two handful, 
 
 It had devoured 'twas so manful ; 
 
 And so much scorn'd to lurk in case, 
 
 As if it durst not shew its face. 
 
 In many desperate Attempts 
 
 Of Wars, Exigents, Contempts, 
 
 It had appear'd with Courage bolder 
 
 Than Sergeant Biim^ invading shoulder. 
 
 Oft had it ta'en possession. 
 
 And Pris'ners too, or made them run. 
 
 This Sword a Dagger had his Page. 
 
 But was but little for his age : 
 
 And therefore waited on him so. 
 
 As Dwarfs upon Knights Errant do. 
 
 It was a serviceable Dudgeon, 
 
 Either for fighting or for drudging ; 
 
 When it had stab'd or broke a head, 
 
 It would scrape Trenchers, or chip Bread, 
 
 Toast Cheese or Bacon, though it were 
 
 To bait a Mouse-trap, 'twould not care. 
 
 'Twould make clean shooes, and in the Earth 
 
 Set Leeks and Onions, and so forth. 
 
 It had been Prentice to a Brewer, 
 
 Where this and more it did endure. 
 
 But left the Trade, as many more 
 
 Have lately done on the same score. 
 
 In th' Holsters, at his Saddle-bow, 
 
 Two aged Pistols he did stow. 
 
 Among the surplus of such meat 
 
 As in his Hose he could not get. 
 
 They were upon hard Duty still. 
 
 And every night stood Sentinel, 
 
 To guard the Magazine i'th' Hose 
 
 From two legg'd and from four legg'd Foes. 
 
 Thus clad and fortifi'd. Sir Knight 
 From peaceful home set forth to fight. 
 But first with nimble a(^tive force 
 
 13
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 He got on th' outside of his Horse. 
 For having but one stirruM ty'd 
 T' his Saddle, on the further side, 
 It was so short, h' had much adoe 
 To reach it with his desperate Toe. 
 But after many strains and heaves 
 He got up to the Saddle eaves. 
 From whence he vaulted into th' Seat 
 With so much vigor, strength, and heat, 
 That he had almost tumbled over 
 With his own weight, but did recover. 
 By laying hold of Tail and Mane, 
 Which oft he us'd instead of Rein. 
 
 But now we talk of mounting Steed, 
 
 Before we f[ur]ther do proceed. 
 
 It doth behove us to say something. 
 
 Of that which bore our valiant Bmnkin. 
 
 The Beast was sturdy large and tall. 
 
 With Mouth of Meal and Eyes of Wall : 
 
 I would say Eye, for h' had but one. 
 
 As most agree, though some say none. 
 
 He was well stay'd, and in his Gate 
 
 Preserv'd a grave majestick state. 
 
 At Spur or Switch no more he skipt, 
 
 Or mended pace, than Spaniard whipt : 
 
 And yet so fiery, he would bound, 
 
 As if he griev'd to touch the Ground : 
 
 That Ccesar's Horse, who, as Fame goes, 
 
 Had Corns upon his Feet and Toes, 
 
 Was not by half so tender-hooft, 
 
 Nor trode upon the ground so soft. 
 
 And as that Beast would kneel and stoop, 
 
 (Some write) to take his Rider up : 
 
 So Hudibras his ('tis well known,) 
 
 Would often do, to set him down. 
 
 We shall not need to say what lack 
 
 Of Leather was upon his back : 
 
 For that was hidden under pad, 
 
 And breech of Knight gall'd full as bad. 
 
 H
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 His strutting Ribs on both sides show'd 
 Like furrows he himself had plovv'd : 
 P'or underneath the skirt of Pannel, 
 'l^wixt every two there was a Channel. 
 His dragling Tail hung in the Dirt, 
 Which on his Rider he would flirt 
 Still as his tender side he prickt, 
 With arni'd heel or with unarm'd kickt: 
 For Hudibras wore but one Spur, 
 As wisely knowing, could he stir 
 To a6live trot one side of's Horse, 
 The other would not hang an Arse : 
 
 A Squire he had whose name was Ralph^ 
 
 That in th' adventure went his half. 
 
 Though Writers (for more statelier tone) 
 
 Do call him Ralpho^ 'tis all one : 
 
 And when we can with Meeter safe, 
 
 We'll call him so, if not plain Ralph^ 
 
 For Rhime the Rudder is of Verses, 
 
 With which like Ships they stear their courses. 
 
 An equal stock of Wit and Valour 
 
 He had laid in, by birth a Taylor. 
 
 The mighty Tyrian Queen that gain'd 
 
 With subtle shreds a Tra6l of Land, 
 
 Did leave it with a Castle fair 
 
 To his great Ancestor, her Heir : 
 
 From him descended cross-leg'd Knights, 
 
 Fam'd for their Faith and Warlike Fights 
 
 Against the bloudy Caniball, 
 
 Whom they destroy 'd both great and small. 
 
 This sturdy Squire had as well 
 
 As the bold Trojan Knight, seen hell. 
 
 Not with a counterfeited Pass 
 
 Of Golden Bough, but true Gold-lace. 
 
 His knowledge was not far behind 
 
 The Knights, but of another kind. 
 
 And he another way came by't. 
 
 Some call it G'lft^ and some New light ; 
 
 A liberal Art, that costs no pains 
 
 15
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Of Study, Industry, or Brains. 
 
 His Wits were sent him for a Token, 
 
 But in the Carriage crackt and broken 
 
 Like Commendation Nine-pence, crookt 
 
 With to and from my Love, it lookt, 
 
 He ne'r consider'd it, as loath 
 
 To look a Gift-horse in the Mouth ; 
 
 And very wisely would lay forth 
 
 No more upon it than 'twas worth. 
 
 But as he got it freely, so 
 
 He spent it frank and freely too. 
 
 For Saints themselves will sometimes be, 
 
 Of Gifts that cos[t] them nothing, free. 
 
 By means of this, with hem and cough^ 
 
 Prolongers to enlightned Snuff, 
 
 He could deep Mysteries unriddle. 
 
 As easily as thread a Nee[d]le ; 
 
 For as of Vagabonds we say. 
 
 That they are ne'r beside their way : 
 
 What e'r men speak by this New Light^ 
 
 Still they are sure to be i'th' right. 
 
 'Tis a Dark-Lanthorn of the Spirit, 
 
 Which none see bv but those that bear it. 
 
 A Light that falls down from on high. 
 
 For Spiritual Trades to couzen by : 
 
 An Ign'n Fatuus that bewitches, 
 
 And leads Men into Pools and Ditches, 
 
 To make them dip themselves, and sound 
 
 For Christendom [in] dirty Pond ; 
 
 To dive like Wild-foul for Salvation, 
 
 And fish to catch Regeneration. 
 
 This Light inspires, and plays upon 
 
 The nose of Saint like Bag-pipe drone. 
 
 And speaks through hollow empty Soul, 
 
 As through a Trunk, or whisp'ring hole. 
 
 Such language as no mortal Ear 
 
 But spiritual Eve-droppers can hear. 
 
 So Phoebus or some friendly Muse 
 
 Into small Poets song infuse j 
 
 Which they at second-hand rehearse 
 
 i6
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 Through Reed or Bag-pipe, Verse for Verse. 
 
 Thus Ralph became infallible, 
 
 As three or four-leg'd Oracle, 
 
 The ancient Cup, or modern Chair, 
 
 Spoke truth point-blank, though unaware : 
 
 For mystick Learning, wondrous able 
 
 In Magick Talisman^ and Cabal^ 
 
 Whose Primitive Tradition reaches 
 
 As far as Adam's, first green Breeches : 
 
 Deep-sighted in Intelligences, 
 
 Idea's, Atomes, Influences ; 
 
 And much of Terra Incognita^ 
 
 Th' intelligible World could say ; 
 
 A deep occult Philosopher, 
 
 As learn'd as the Wild Irish are, 
 
 Or Sir Agrippa^ for profound 
 
 And solid Lying much renown'd : 
 
 He Anthroposophns^ and Floud^ 
 
 And Jacob Behmen understood ; 
 
 Knew many an Amulet and Charm, 
 
 That would do neither good nor harm : 
 
 In Rosy-Crucian Lore as Learned, 
 
 As he that Fer^ adeptus earned. 
 
 He understood the speech of Birds 
 
 As well as they themselves do words : 
 
 Could tell what subtlest Parrots mean, 
 
 That speak and think contrary clean ; 
 
 What Member 'tis of whom they talk 
 
 When they cry Rope^ and IValk Knave^ walk. 
 
 He'd extract numbers out of matter, 
 
 And keep them in a Glass, like water. 
 
 Of Sov'raign pow'r to make men wise ; 
 
 For dropt in blere, thick-sighted Eyes, 
 
 They'd make them see in darkest night, 
 
 Like Owls, though pur-blind in the light. 
 
 By help of these (as he profest) 
 
 He had First Matter seen undrest : 
 
 He took her naked all alone. 
 
 17
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Before one Rag of Form was on. 
 
 The Chaos too he had descry'd, 
 
 And seen quite through, or else he ly'd : 
 
 Not that of Past-board which men shew 
 
 For Groats at Fair of Barthor mew ; 
 
 But its great Gransire, first o'th' name, 
 
 Whence that and Keforinat'ion came : 
 
 Both Cousin-Germans, and right able 
 
 T'inveigle and draw in the Rabble. 
 
 But Keforination was, some say, 
 
 O'th' younger house to Puppet-Play. 
 
 He could foretell whats'ever was 
 
 By consequence to come to pass. 
 
 As Death of Great Men, Alterations, 
 
 Diseases, Battels, Inundations. 
 
 All this without th' Eclipse of Sun, 
 
 Or dreadful Comet, he hath done 
 
 By inward Light, a way as good. 
 
 And easie to be understood. 
 
 But with more lucky hit than those 
 
 That use to make the Stars depose, 
 
 Like Knights o' th' Post, and falsly charge 
 
 Upon themselves what others forge : 
 
 As if they were consenting to 
 
 All mischief in the World men do : 
 
 Or like the Dev'l, did tempt and sway 'em 
 
 To Rogueries, and then betray 'em. 
 
 They'l search a Planet's house, to know. 
 
 Who broke and robb'd a house below : 
 
 Examine Venus^ and the Moon 
 
 Who stole a Thimble and a Spoon : 
 
 And though they nothing will confess, 
 
 Yet by their very looks can guess. 
 
 And tell what guilty Aspeft bodes, 
 
 Who stole, and who receiv'd the Goods. 
 
 1 hey'l question Mors^ and by his look 
 
 Detect who 'twas that nimm'd a Cloke : 
 
 Make Mercury confess and peach 
 
 Those Thieves which he himself did teach. 
 
 They'l find i' th' Phisiognomies 
 
 i8
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 O' th' Planets all mens destinies. 
 
 Like him that took the Dodlor's Bill, 
 
 And swallow'd it instead o' th' Pill. 
 
 Cast the Nativity o' th' Question, 
 
 And from Positions to be guest on, 
 
 As sure as if they knew the Moment 
 
 Of Natives birth, tell what will come on't. 
 
 They'l feel the Pulses of the Stars, 
 
 To find out Agues, Coughs, Catarrhs ; 
 
 And tell what Crysis does divine 
 
 The Rot in Sheep, or Mange in Swine : 
 
 In Men what gives or cures the Itch, 
 
 What make[s] them Cuckolds, poor or rich : 
 
 What gains or loses, hangs or saves ; 
 
 What makes men great, what fools or knaves ; 
 
 But not what wise, for only of those 
 
 The Stars (they say) cannot dispose. 
 
 No more than can the Astrologians. 
 
 There they say right, and lik true Trojans. 
 
 This Ralpho knew, and therefore took 
 
 The other course, of which we spoke. 
 
 Thus was th' accomplish'd Squire endu'd 
 
 With Gifts and Knowledge, per'lous shrew'd. 
 
 Never did trusty Squire with Knight, 
 
 Or Knight with Squire jump more right. 
 
 Their Arms and Equipage did fit, 
 
 As well as Virtues, Parts, and Wit. 
 
 Their Valors too were of a Rate, 
 
 And out they sally'd at the Gate. 
 
 Few miles on horseback had they jogged. 
 
 But fortune unto them turn'd dogged. 
 
 For they a sad adventure met, 
 
 Of which we now prepare to Treat : 
 
 But e'er we venture to unfold 
 
 Atchievements so resolv'd and bold, 
 
 We should as learned Poets use, 
 
 Invoke the assistance of some Muse ; 
 
 However Criticks count it sillier 
 
 Than Juglers talking t' a Familiar. 
 
 B 2 19
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 We think 'tis no great matter which, 
 They're all ah'ke, yet we shall pitch 
 On one that fits ovir purpose most., 
 Whom therefore thus do we accost. 
 
 Thou that with Ale or viler Liquors, 
 Didst inspire TVithers, Prin^ and Fickars^ 
 And force them, though it were in spight 
 Of Nature, and their Stars, to write ; 
 Who, as we finde in sullen Writs, 
 And cross-graind Works of modern Wits, 
 With Vanity, Opinion, Want, 
 The wonder of the Ignorant, 
 The Praises of the Author, penn'd 
 By himself, or wit-ensuring friend, 
 The Itch of Picture in the front. 
 With Bays, and wicked Rhime upon't 
 All that is left o'th' forked Hill 
 To make men scribble without skill, 
 Canst make a Poet, spight of fate. 
 And teach all People to translate ; 
 Though out of Languages in which 
 They understand no Part of Speech : 
 Assist me but this once, I'mplore, 
 And I shall trouble thee no more. 
 
 In Western Clime there is a Town 
 
 To those that dwell therein well known ; 
 
 Therefore there needs no more be sed here 
 
 We unto them refer our Reader : 
 
 For brevity is very good. 
 
 When w'are, or are not understood. 
 
 To this Town People did repair 
 
 On days of Market or of Fair, 
 
 And to crack'd Fiddle, and hoarse Tabor 
 
 In merriment did drudge and labor : 
 
 But now a sport more formidable 
 
 Had rak'd together Village rabble. 
 
 'Twas an old way of Recreating, 
 
 20
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 Which learned Butchers call Bear-haiting: 
 
 A bold advent'rous exercise, 
 
 With ancient Heroe's in high prize ; 
 
 For Authors do affirm it came 
 
 From Ist\_h'\mian or Nemean game ; 
 
 Others derive it from the Bear 
 
 That's fixt in Northern Hemisphere, 
 
 And round about the Pole does make 
 
 A circle like a Bear at stake, 
 
 That at the Chain's end wheels about, 
 
 And over-turns the Rabble-rout. 
 
 For after solemn Proclamation 
 
 In the Bear's name (as is the fashion. 
 
 According to the Law of Arms, 
 
 To keep men from inglorious harms) 
 
 That none presume to come so near 
 
 As forty foot of stake of Bear ; 
 
 If any yet be so fool-hardy, 
 
 T'expose themselves to vain Jeopardy ; 
 
 If they come wounded off and lame 
 
 No honour's got by such a maim. 
 
 Although the Bear gain'd much b'ing bound 
 
 In honour to make good his ground. 
 
 When he's engag'd, and take no notice. 
 
 If any press vipon him, who 'tis, 
 
 But let them know at their own cost 
 
 That he intends to keep his post. 
 
 This to prevent, and [other] harms, 
 
 Which always wait on feats of Arms, 
 
 (For in the hurry of a Fray 
 
 'Tis hard to keep out of harm's way) 
 
 Thither the Knight his course did stear. 
 
 To keep the peace 'twixt Dog and Bear ; 
 
 As he believ'd h' was bound to doe, 
 
 In Conscience and Commission too. 
 
 And therefore thus bespoke the Squire ; 
 
 We that are wisely mounted higher 
 Then Constables, in Curule wit, 
 When on Tribunal bench we sit. 
 
 21
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Like Speculators, should foresee 
 
 From Pharos of Authority, 
 
 Portended Mischiefs farther then 
 
 Low Proletarian Tithing-men. 
 
 And therefore being inform'd by bruit, 
 
 That Dog and Bear are to dispute ; 
 
 For so of late men fighting name, 
 
 Because they often prove the same ; 
 
 (For where the first does hap to be 
 
 The last does coincidere) 
 
 ^lantum in nohis^ have thought good, 
 
 To save th' expence of Christian blood. 
 
 And try if we by Mediation 
 
 Of Treaty and accommodation 
 
 Can end the quarrel, and compose 
 
 The bloudy Duel without blows. 
 
 Are not our Liberties, our Lives, 
 
 The Laws, Religion, and our Wives 
 
 Enough at once to lie at stake. 
 
 For Covnant and the Causes sake ; 
 
 But in that quarrel Dogs and Bears 
 
 As well as we must venture theirs ? 
 
 This Feud by "Jesuits invented. 
 
 By evil Counsel is fomented, 
 
 There is a Machiavilian Plot, 
 
 (Though ev'ry Nare olfaSi it not) 
 
 A deep design in't to divide 
 
 The well-afFe6led that confide. 
 
 By setting Brother against Brother, 
 
 To claw and curry one another. 
 
 Have we not enemies plus satis. 
 
 That Cane & angue pejus hate us ? 
 
 And shall we turn our fangs and claws 
 
 Upon our selves without a cause ? 
 
 That some occult design doth lie 
 
 In bloudy Cynar£iomachy 
 
 Is plain enough to him that knows 
 
 How Saints lead Brothers by the Nose. 
 
 I wish my self a Pseudo-Prophet, 
 
 But sure some mischief will come of it 
 
 22
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 Unless by providential wit 
 
 Or force we averruncate it. 
 
 For what design, what interest 
 
 Can Beast have to encounter Beast ? 
 
 They fight for no espoused Cause ; 
 
 Frail Priviledgey Funda?7iental Laws^ 
 
 Nor for a thorough Reformation^ 
 
 Nor Covenant^ nor Protestation ; 
 
 Nor Liberty of Consciences^ 
 
 Nor Lords and Commons Ordinances ; 
 
 Nor for the Churchy nor for Church Lands^ 
 
 To get them in their own no Hands \ 
 
 Nor evil Counsellors to bring 
 
 To Justice that seduce the King ; 
 
 Nor for the worship of us men, 
 
 Though we have done as much for them. 
 
 Th' Egyptians worshipp'd Dogs^ and for 
 
 Their faith made fierce and zealous Warr. 
 
 Others ador'd a Rat^ and some 
 
 For that Church suffer'd Martyrdome. 
 
 The Indians fought for the truth 
 
 Of th' Elephant^ and Monkey's Tooth : 
 
 And many, to defend that faith. 
 
 Fought it out mordicus to death. 
 
 But no Beast ever was so slight. 
 
 For Man, as for his God, to fight. 
 
 They have more wit, alas ! and know 
 
 Themselves and us better than so. 
 
 But we, we onely do infuse 
 
 The Rage in them like Boute-feus. 
 
 'Tis our example that instills 
 
 In them th' infetSlion of our ills. 
 
 For as some late Philosophers 
 
 Have well observed. Beasts that converse 
 
 With Man, take after him, as Hogs 
 
 Get Pigs all th' year, and Bitches Dogs. 
 
 Just so by our example Cattle 
 
 Learn to give one another Battel. 
 
 We read in Nero's time, the Heathen, 
 
 When they destroy'd the Christian Brethren^ 
 
 23
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 They sow'd them in the skins of Bears, 
 And then set Dogs about their Ears : 
 From whence, no doubt, th' invention came 
 Of this lewd Antichristian Game. 
 
 To this, quoth Ralpho^ Verily, 
 
 The Point seems very plain to be. 
 
 It is an Antichristia[n] Game, 
 
 Unlawful both in thing and name ; 
 
 First for the Ncune^ The word Bear-baitings 
 
 Is Carnal, and of man's creating : 
 
 For certainly there's no such word 
 
 In all the Scripture on Record. 
 
 Therefore unlawful and a sin, 
 
 And so is (secondly) the thing. 
 
 A vile Assembly 'tis, that can 
 
 No more be prov'd by Scripture than 
 
 Provincial^ Classick^ National; 
 
 Mere humane Creature-Cobwebs all. 
 
 Thirdly, it is Idolatrous : 
 
 For when men run a-whoring thus 
 
 With their Inventions whatsoe'r 
 
 The thing be, whether Dog or Bear^ 
 
 It is Idolatrous and Pagan 
 
 No less than worshipping of Dagon. 
 
 Quoth HudibraSy I smell a Rat ; 
 
 Ralpho^ thou dost prevaricate. 
 
 For though the Thesis which thou lay'st 
 
 Be true ad atnussim as thou say'st : 
 
 (For that Bear-baiting should appear 
 
 yure Divino lawfuller 
 
 Than Synods are, thou dost deny, 
 
 Totidem verbis so do I) 
 
 Yet there's a fallacy in this : 
 
 For if by sly Homoeosis^ 
 
 Thou would'st Sophistically imply 
 
 Both are unlawful, I deny. 
 
 And I (quoth Ralpho) do not doubt 
 
 24
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 But Bear-batting may be made out 
 
 In Gospel-times, as lawful as is 
 
 Provincial or Parochial Classis : 
 
 And that both are so near of kin, 
 
 And like in all as well as sin, 
 
 That put them in a bag and shake 'em, 
 
 Your self o' th' sudden would mistake 'em, 
 
 And not know which is which, unless 
 
 You measure by their wickedness : 
 
 For 'tis not hard t' imagine whether 
 
 O' th' two is worst, though I name neither, 
 
 Quoth Hudibras^ thou offer'st much. 
 
 But art not able to keep touch. 
 
 Mira de lente^ as 'tis i' th' Adage, 
 
 Id est, to make a Leak a Cabbage. 
 
 Thou canst at best but overstrain 
 
 A Paradox, and th' own hot brain : 
 
 For what can Synods have at all 
 
 With Bears that's Analogical ? 
 
 Or what relation has debating 
 
 Of Church-Affairs with Bear-baiting? 
 
 A just comparison still is, 
 
 Of things ejusdcju generis. 
 
 And then what Genus rightly doth. 
 
 Include and comprehend them both ? 
 
 If Animal^ both of us may 
 
 As justly pass for Bears as they. 
 
 For we are Animals no less. 
 
 Although of different Specieses. 
 
 But, Ralpho this is no fit place, 
 
 Nor time to argue out the Case: 
 
 For now the Field is not far off. 
 
 Where we must give the world a proof 
 
 Of Deeds, not Words, and such as suit 
 
 Another manner of Dispute. 
 
 A Controversie that affords 
 
 Actions for Arguments, not Words : 
 
 Which we must manage at a rate 
 
 Of Prowess and Conduct adequate ; 
 
 25
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 To what our place and fame doth promise, 
 
 And all the godly expeft from us. 
 
 Nor shall they be deceiv'd, unless 
 
 W are flurr'd and outed by success : 
 
 Success, the Mark no mortal Wit, 
 
 Or surest hand can always hit : 
 
 For whatsoe're we perpetrate. 
 
 We do but row, we'are steer'd by Fate, 
 
 Which in success oft disinherits. 
 
 For spurious Causes, noblest merits. 
 
 Great Actions are not always true Sons 
 
 Of great and mighty Resolutions : 
 
 Nor doth the bold'st attempts bring forth 
 
 Events still equal to their worth ; 
 
 But sometimes fail, and in their stead, 
 
 Fortune and Cowardise succeed. 
 
 Yet we have no great cause to doubt. 
 
 Our a(ftions still have born us out. 
 
 Which though th' are known to be so ample. 
 
 We need no copy from example, 
 
 We'are not the onely person durst 
 
 Attempt this Province, nor the first. 
 
 In Northern Clime a valorous Knight 
 
 Did whilom kill his Bear in fight. 
 
 And wound a Fidler : we have both 
 
 Of these the obje6ls of our Wroth, 
 
 And equal Fame and Glory from 
 
 Th' Attempt or Vi61:ory to come. 
 
 'Tis sung, There is a valiant Marmaluke 
 
 In foreign Land, yclep'd 
 
 To whom we have been oft compar'd 
 
 For Person, Parts, Address and Beard : 
 
 Both equally reputed stout, 
 
 And in the same Cause both have fought. 
 
 He oft in such Attempts as these 
 
 Came off with glory and success. 
 
 Nor will we fail in th' execution, 
 
 For want of equal Resolution. 
 
 Honour is, like a Widow, won 
 
 With brisk Attempt and putting on ; 
 
 26
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO I 
 
 With eiit'ring manfully, and urging ; 
 Not slow approaches, like a Virgin. 
 
 This said, as once the Phrygian Knight, 
 
 So ours, with rusty steell, did smite 
 
 His Trojan Horse, and just as much 
 
 He mended pace upon the touch ; 
 
 But from his empty stomach groan'd 
 
 Just as that hollow Beast did sound, 
 
 And angry answer'd from behind. 
 
 With brandish'd Tail and blast of Wind. 
 
 So have I seen with armed heel, 
 
 A Wight bestride a Conwwnweal; 
 
 Whil'st still the more he kick'd and spurr'd. 
 
 The less the sullen Jade has stirr'd. 
 
 27
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 The Argument of the Second 
 CANTO. 
 
 The Catalogue and Chara5ier 
 
 Of the Enemies best Men of War ; 
 
 Jvhom in a bald Harangue^ the Knight 
 
 Defy^s^ and challenges to fight : 
 
 H' incounters Talgol, 7'outs the Beat\, 
 
 And takes the Fidler Prisone?- ; 
 
 Conveys him to enchanted Castle^ 
 
 There shuts him fast in ivooden Bastile. 
 
 CANTO II. 
 
 THere was an ancient sage Philosopher^ 
 That had read Alexander Ross over, 
 And swore the world, as he could prove, 
 Was made of Fighting and of Love: 
 Just so Romances are, for what else 
 Is in them all, but Love and Battels ? 
 O' th' first of these w'have no great matter 
 To treat of, but a world o' th' latter : 
 In which to do the injur'd Right 
 We mean in what concerns just fight. 
 Certes our Authors are to blame, 
 For to make some well-sounding name 
 A Pattern fit for modern Knights, 
 To copy out in Frays and Fights, 
 (Like those that a whole street do raze, 
 To build a Palace in the place.) 
 
 28
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 They never care how many others 
 
 They kill, without regard of Mothers, 
 
 Or Wives, or Children, so they can 
 
 Make up some fierce dead-doing man, 
 
 Compos'd of many ingredient Valors 
 
 Just like the Manhood of nine Tailors. 
 
 So a wilde Tartar when he spies 
 
 A man that's handsome, valiant, wise, 
 
 If he can kill him, thinks t'inherit 
 
 His Wit, his Beauty, and his Spirit : 
 
 As if just so much he enjoy'd 
 
 As in another is destroy 'd. 
 
 For when a Giant's slain in fight, 
 
 And mow'd o'er thwart, or cleft downright, 
 
 It is a heavy case, no doubt, 
 
 A man should have his Brains beat out, 
 
 Because he's tall, and has large Bones ; 
 
 As Men kill Beavers for their Stones. 
 
 But as for our part, we shall tell 
 
 The naked Truth of what befell ; 
 
 And as an equal friend to both 
 
 The Knight and Bear, but more to Troth, 
 
 With neither faction shall take part, 
 
 But give to each his due desert : 
 
 And never coyn a formal lye on't. 
 
 To make the Knight o'rcome the Giant. 
 
 This b'ing profest, we hope's enough. 
 
 And now go on where we left oft". 
 
 They rode, but Authors having not 
 Determin'd whether Pace or Trot, 
 (That is to say, whether Tolutation^ 
 As they do term't, or Succussation) 
 We leave it, and go on, as now 
 Suppose they did, no matter how. 
 Yet some from subtle hints [h]ave got 
 Mysterious light, it was a Trot. 
 But let that pass : they now begun 
 To spurr their living Engines on. 
 For as whipp'd Tops and bandy 'd Balls, 
 
 29
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 The learned hold, are Animals, 
 
 So Horses they affirm to be 
 
 Mere Engines made by Geometry, 
 
 And were invented first from Engins, 
 
 As Indian Britains were from Penguins. 
 
 So let them be, and, as I was saying, 
 
 They their live Engines ply'd, not staying 
 
 Until they reach'd the fatal Champain, 
 
 Which the Enemy did then encamp on, 
 
 The dire Pharsalian Plain, where Battel 
 
 Was to be wag'd 'twixt puissant Cattel, 
 
 And fierce Auxiliary Men, 
 
 That came to aid their Brethren : 
 
 Who now began to take the Field 
 
 As from his Steed the Knight beheld : 
 
 For as our modern Wits behold, 
 
 Mounted a Pick-back on the Old, 
 
 Much further off, much further he 
 
 Rais'd on his aged Beast could see : 
 
 But not sufficient to descry 
 
 All postures of the Enemy. 
 
 And therefore orders the bold Squire 
 
 T' advance, and view their Body nigher. 
 
 That when their motions he had known, 
 
 He might know how to fit his own. 
 
 Mean while he stopp'd his willing Steed : 
 
 To fit himself for Martial deed : 
 
 Both kinds of mettle he prepar'd. 
 
 Either to give blows or to ward. 
 
 Courage within, and Steel without 
 
 To give, or to receive a Rout. 
 
 His Death-charg'd Pistols he did fit well 
 
 Drawn out from life-preserving Vittle. 
 
 These being prim'd, with force he labour'd 
 
 To free's Sword from retentive Scabbard : 
 
 And after many a painful pluck, 
 
 He clear 'd at length the rugged Tuck. 
 
 Then shook himself, to see that Prowess 
 
 In Scabbard of his Arms set loose ; 
 
 And rais'd upon his desperate foot 
 
 30
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 On stirrup side he gaz'd about, 
 Portending Bloud, like Blazing Star, 
 The Beacon of approaching War. 
 The Squire advanc'd with greater speed ; 
 Then could b' expefted from his Steed j 
 But far more in returning made, 
 For now the Foe he had survey'd 
 Rang'd, as to him they did appear, 
 With f^an^ main Battel^ Wings and Rear. 
 
 In th' head of all this Warlike Rabble 
 
 Crowdero march'd, expert and able : 
 
 Instead of Trumpet and of Drum, 
 
 That makes the Warrier's stomach come, 
 
 Whose noise whets Valour sharp, like Beer 
 
 By Thunder turn'd to Vineger: 
 
 For if a Trumpet sound, or Drum beat. 
 
 Who has not a months mind to combat ? 
 
 A squeaking Engine he apply'd, 
 
 Unto his Neck on North-east side. 
 
 Just where the Hangman does dispose, 
 
 To special Friends the fatal Noose : 
 
 For 'tis great Grace when Statesmen straight 
 
 Dispatch a Friend, let others wait. 
 
 His warped Ear hung o'er the strings, 
 
 Which was but Souce to Chitterlings : 
 
 For Guts, some write, e're they are sodden, 
 
 Are fit for Musick, or for Pudden : 
 
 From whence men borrow ev'ry kind 
 
 Of Minstrelsy, by string or wind. 
 
 His grizly Beard was long and thick, 
 
 With which he strung his Fiddle-stick : 
 
 For he to Horse-tail scorn'd to owe. 
 
 For what on his own chin did grow. 
 
 Chiron^ the four legg'd Bard, had both 
 
 A Beard and Tail of his own growth ; 
 
 And yet by Authors 'tis averr'd, 
 
 He made use onely of his Beard. 
 
 In Staffordshire^ where Virtuous worth 
 
 Does raise the Minstrelsie, not Birth ; 
 
 3^
 
 HUDIBRAS * 
 
 Where Bulls do chuse the boldest King 
 
 And Ruler, o'er the men of string ; 
 
 (As once in Persia^ 'tis said, 
 
 Kings were proclaim'd by a Horse that neigh'd) 
 
 He bravely vent'ring at a Crown, 
 
 By chance of War was beaten down, 
 
 And wounded sore : his Leg then broke, 
 
 Had got a Deputy of Oke : 
 
 For when a shin in fight is cropt, 
 
 The knee with one of timber's propt ; 
 
 Esteem'd more honorable than the other, 
 
 And takes place, though the younger Brother. 
 
 Next march'd brave Orsln^ famous for 
 
 Wise Conduit, and success in War : 
 
 A skilful Leader, stout, severe, 
 
 Now Marshal to the Champion Bear. 
 
 With Truncheon tip'd with Iron head, 
 
 The Warrior to the Lists [he] led ; 
 
 With solemn march and stately pace. 
 
 But far more grave and solemn face : 
 
 Grave as the Emperor of Pegu^ 
 
 Or Spanish Potentate Don Diego. 
 
 This Leader was of knowledge great, 
 
 Either for Charge or for Retreat. 
 
 Knew when t' engage his Bear Pel-mel 
 
 And when to bring him off as well. 
 
 So Lawyers, least the Bear Defendent, 
 
 And Plaintiff Dog should make an end on't. 
 
 Do stave and tail with I Frits of Err or ^ 
 
 Reverse of "Judgement.^ and Detmirrer^ 
 
 To let them breathe awhile and then 
 
 Cry whoop, and set them on agen. 
 
 As Romulus a Wolf did rear. 
 
 So he was dry-nurs'd by a Bear, 
 
 That fed him with the purchas'd prey 
 
 Of many a fierce and bloody fray ; 
 
 Bred up where Discipline most rare is, 
 
 In Military Garden-Paris. 
 
 For Soldiers heretofore did grow 
 
 32
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 In Gardens, Just as Weeds do now ; 
 
 Until some splay-foot Politicians 
 
 T' Apollo ofFer'd up Petitions, 
 
 For licensing a new invention 
 
 Th' 'ad found out of an antique Engine 
 
 To root out all the Weeds that grow 
 
 In publick Garden at a blow. 
 
 And leave th' Herbs standing. Quoth Sir Suu^ 
 
 My friends, that is not to be done. 
 
 Not done ? quoth Statesmen ; yes, an't please ye. 
 
 When 'tis once known, you'l say 'tis easie. 
 
 Why, then let's know it, quoth Apollo. 
 
 We'll beat a Drum, and they'll all follow. 
 
 A Drum (quoth Phoebus) troth that's true, 
 
 A pretty invention quaint and new. 
 
 But though of Voice and Instrument 
 
 We are ('tis true) chief President ; 
 
 We such loud Musick do n't profess, 
 
 The Devil's Master of that Office, 
 
 Where it must pass, if't be a Drum, 
 
 He'l sign it with Cler\ Pari. Dom. Cor/i. 
 
 To him apply your selves, and he 
 
 Will soon dispatch you, for his Fee. 
 
 They did so, but it prov'd so ill, 
 
 Th' had better have let them grow there stil. 
 
 But to resume what we discoursing 
 
 Were on before, that is stout Orsln : 
 
 That which [so] oft by sundry writers, 
 
 Has been apply 'd to almost all fighters. 
 
 More justly may b' ascrib'd to this. 
 
 Than any other Warrior (viz.) 
 
 None [ever] a6led both parts bolder, 
 
 Both of a Chieftain and a Soldier. 
 
 He was of great descent and high, 
 
 For splendor and antiquity ; 
 
 And from C^elestial origine 
 
 Deriv'd himself in a right Line. 
 
 Not as the ancient Heroes did. 
 
 Who, that their base births might be hid, 
 
 (Knowing they were of doubtful gender, 
 
 ^ 33
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And that they came in at a Windore) 
 
 Made Jupiter himself and others 
 
 O' th' Gods Gallants to their own Mothers. 
 
 To get on them a Race of Champions, 
 
 Of which old Homer first made Lampoons. 
 
 JrSiophylax^ in Northern Sphere, 
 
 Was his undoubted Ancestor : 
 
 From [him] his Great Forefathers came. 
 
 And in all Ages bore his name. 
 
 Learn 'd he was in Med'c'nal Lore, 
 
 For by his side a Pouch he wore 
 
 Replete with strange Hermetick Powder, 
 
 That Wounds six Miles point-blank would solder, 
 
 By skilful Chymist with great cost 
 
 Extracted from a rotten Post ; 
 
 But of a heav'nlier influence, 
 
 Than that which Mountebanks dispense j 
 
 Though by Promethean Fire made, 
 
 As they do quack that drive that Trade, 
 
 For as when Slovens do amiss 
 
 At others doors by Stool or Piss, 
 
 The Learned write, a Red-hot Spit, 
 
 B'ing prudently apply 'd to it. 
 
 Will convey mischief from the Dung, 
 
 Unto the part that did the wrong : 
 
 So this did healing, and as sure 
 
 As that did mischief, this would cure. 
 
 Thus virtuous Onin was endu'd, 
 
 With Learning, Conducft, Fortitude, 
 
 Incomparable : and as the Prince 
 
 Of Poets, Ho7ner^ sung long since, 
 
 A skilful Leech is better far 
 
 Than half a hundred Men of War ; 
 
 So he appear'd, and by his skill. 
 
 No less than Dint of Sword could kill. 
 
 The Gallant Bruin marcht next' him. 
 With Visage formidably grim. 
 And rugged as a Saracin^ 
 
 34
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 Or Turk of Mahomet'' s own kin ; 
 
 Clad in a Mantle de la Guer 
 
 Of rough impenetrable Fur ; 
 
 And in his Nose, like Indian King, 
 
 He wore for Ornament a Ring ; 
 
 About his Neck a three-fold Gorget, 
 
 As tough as trebled leathern Tar[g]et ; 
 
 Armed^ as Heralds cant^ and langu\e'\d^ 
 
 Or, as the Vulgar say, sharp fangcd. 
 
 For as the Teeth in Beasts of Prey 
 
 Are Swords, with which they fight in Fray. 
 
 So Swords in Men of War, are Teeth, 
 
 Which they do eat their Vittle with. 
 
 He was, by birth, some Authors write, 
 
 A Russian^ some a M\_u\scovite^ 
 
 And 'mong the Cossacks had been bred, 
 
 Of whom we in Diurnals read. 
 
 That serve to fill up Pages here, 
 
 As with their Bodies Ditches there. 
 
 Scrimansky was his Cousin-german 
 
 With whom he serv'd and fed on Vermin : 
 
 And when these fail'd he'd suck his claws. 
 
 And quarter himself upon his paws. 
 
 And though his Country-men, the Hunsy 
 
 Did use to stew between their Bums^ 
 
 And their warm Horses backs, their meat. 
 
 And every man his Saddle eat : 
 
 He was not half so nice as they. 
 
 But eat it raw when 't came in 'is way. 
 
 He had trac'd Countreys far and near. 
 
 More than Le Blanc the Traveller ; 
 
 Who writes, He Spous'd in India, 
 
 Of noble house, a Lady gay. 
 
 And got on her a Race of Worthies 
 
 As stout as any upon Earth is. 
 
 Full many a Fight for him between 
 
 Talgol and Orsin oft had been ; 
 
 Each striving to deserve the Crown 
 
 Of a sav'd Citizen : the one 
 
 To guard his Bear, the other fought 
 
 C2 35
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 To aid his Dog ; both made more stout 
 By sev'ral spurs of neighborhood, 
 Church-fellow-membership^ and blood : 
 But Talgol^ mortal foe to Cows, 
 Never got ought of him but blows ; 
 Blows hard and heavy, such as he 
 Had lent, repay'd with Usury. 
 
 Yet Talgol was of Courage stout, 
 
 And vanquish'd oftner than he fought : 
 
 Inur'd to labor, sweat, and toyl. 
 
 And like a Champion, shone with Oyl. 
 
 Right many a Widow his keen blade. 
 
 And many a Fatherless, had made. 
 
 He many a Bore and huge Dun Cow 
 
 Did, like another Guy^ o'erthrow. 
 
 But Guy with him in fight compar'd. 
 
 Had like the Bore or Dun Cotv far'd. 
 
 With greater Troops of Sheep h' had fought 
 
 Than Ajax^ or bold Don ^dxot : 
 
 And many a Serpent of fell kind, 
 
 With wings before, and stings behind, 
 
 Subdu'd ; as Poets say, long agone 
 
 Bold Sir George^ Saint George did the Dragon. 
 
 Nor Engine, nor Device Polemick, 
 
 Disease, nor Do61:or Epidemick, 
 
 Though stor'd with Deletery Med'cines, 
 
 (Which whosoever took is Dead since) 
 
 E'er sent so vast a Colony 
 
 To both the under-worlds as he. 
 
 For he was of that noble Trade 
 
 That Demi-gods and Heroes made. 
 
 Slaughter and knocking on the head ; 
 
 The Trade to which they all were bred ; 
 
 And is, like others, glorious when 
 
 'Tis great and large, but base if mean. 
 
 The former rides in Triumph for it ; 
 
 The latter in a two wheel'd Chariot, 
 
 For daring to prophane a thing 
 
 So Sacred, with vile bungling. 
 
 36
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 Next these the brave Magnano came, 
 
 Magnano great in Martial Fame. 
 
 Yet when with Onin he wag'd fight, 
 
 'Tis sung he got but little by't. 
 
 Yet he was fierce as Forest-Bore, 
 
 Whose Spoils upon his Back he wore. 
 
 As thick as Ajax seven-fold Shield, 
 
 Which o'er his brazen A[r]ms he held. 
 
 But Brass was feeble to resist 
 
 The fury of his armed fist ; 
 
 Nor could the hardest Ir'n hold out 
 
 Against his blows, but they would through't. 
 
 In Magick he was deeply read. 
 As he that made the Bra'zen-head ; 
 Profoundly skill'd in the Black Art, 
 As English Merlin for his heart ; 
 But far more skilful in the Spheres 
 Than he was at the Sieve and Shears. 
 He could transform himself in Color, 
 As like the Devil as a Collier ; 
 As like as Hypocrites in show 
 Are to true Saints, or Crow to Crow. 
 
 Of Warlike Engines he was Author, 
 
 Devis'd for quick dispatch of slaughter : 
 
 The Cannon^ Blunderbuss^ and Saker^ 
 
 He was th' Inventer of and Maker : 
 
 The Trumpet and the Kettle-Drum 
 
 Did both from his Invention come. 
 
 He was the first that e'r did teach 
 
 To make, and how to stop a breach. 
 
 A Lance he bore with Iron pike. 
 
 The one half would thrust, the other strike : 
 
 And when their forces he had join'd. 
 
 He scorn'd to turn his Parts behind. 
 
 He Trulla lov'd, Trulla more bright 
 Than burnish'd Armor of her Knight : 
 A bold Virago^ stout and tall 
 
 37
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 As 'Joan of France^ or English Mall^ 
 Through perils both of Wind and Limb, 
 Through thick and thin she follow'd him, 
 In ev'ry Adventure h' undertook, 
 And never him, or it forsook. 
 At breach of Wall, or Hedge surprize. 
 She shar'd i' th' hazard and the prize : 
 At beating Quarters up, or Forage, 
 Behav'd her self with matchless courage ; 
 And laid about in fight more bus'ly. 
 Than the Amazonian Dame, Penthesile. 
 
 And though some Criticks here cry shame, 
 
 And say our Authors are [to] blame, 
 
 That spight of all Philosophers, 
 
 Who hold no Females stout but Bears, 
 
 And heretofore did so abhor 
 
 Their Women should pretend to War, 
 
 They would not suffer the stout'st Dame, 
 
 To swear by Hercules his Name, 
 
 Make feeble Ladies, in their Works, 
 
 To fight like Termagants and Turks ; 
 
 To lay their native Arms aside. 
 
 Their modesty, and ride a-stride ; 
 
 To run a-Tilt at Men, and wield 
 
 Their naked Tools in open field ; 
 
 As stout Armida^ bold Thalestris^ 
 
 And she that would have been the Mistriss 
 
 Of Gundibert^ but he had grace, 
 
 And rather took a Country Lass : 
 
 They say 'tis false, without all sense 
 
 But of pernicious consequence 
 
 To Government, which they suppose 
 
 Can never be upheld in Prose : 
 
 Strip Nature naked to the skin. 
 
 You'll find about her no such thing. 
 
 It may be so, yet what we tell 
 
 Of Trulla^ that's improbable. 
 
 Shall be depos'd by those have seen't. 
 
 Or, what's as good, produc'd in print: 
 
 3«
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 And if they will not take our word, 
 We'll prove it true upon record. 
 
 The upright Cerdon next advanc't 
 
 Of all his Race the Valiant'st ; 
 
 Cerdon the Great, renown'd in Song, 
 
 Like Hercles^ for repair of wrong : 
 
 He rais'd the low, and fortifi'd 
 
 The weak against the strongest side. 
 
 Ill has he read, that never hit 
 
 On him in Muses deathless writ. 
 
 He had a weapon keen and fierce. 
 
 That through a Bull-hide shield would pierce. 
 
 And cut it in a thousand pieces. 
 
 Though tougher than the Knight of Greece his 
 
 With whom his black thumb'd Ancestor 
 
 Was Comrade in the ten years War : 
 
 For when the restless Greeks sate down 
 
 So many years before Troy Town, 
 
 And were renown'd, as Horner writes. 
 
 For well-soVd Boots^ no less than Fights ; 
 
 They ow'd that Glory onely to 
 
 His Ancestor, that made them so. 
 
 Fast Friend he was to Reformation^ 
 
 Until 'twas worn quite out of fashion. 
 
 Next Redlifier of Wry Law^ 
 
 And would make three, to cure one flaw. 
 
 Learned he was, and could take note. 
 
 Transcribe, Colle6l, Translate and Quote. 
 
 But Preaching was his chiefest Talent, 
 
 Or Argument, in which b'ing valiant, 
 
 He us'd to lay about and stickle. 
 
 Like Ra7n or Bull^ at Conventicle : 
 
 For Disputants like Rams and Bulls^ 
 
 Do fight with Arms that spring from Skulls. 
 
 Last Colon came, bold Man of War, 
 Destin'd to blows by fatal Star ; 
 Right expert in Command of Horse, 
 But cruel, and without remorse. 
 
 30
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 That which of Cent our e long ago 
 
 Was said, and has been wrested to 
 
 Some other Knights, was true of this, 
 
 He and his Hone^ were of a piece. 
 
 One Spirit did inform them both, 
 
 The self-same Vigor, Fury, Wroth : 
 
 Yet he was much the rougher part, 
 
 And always had the harder heart ; 
 
 Although his Horse had been of those, 
 
 That fed on Man's flesh, As Fame goes. 
 
 Strange food for Horse ! and yet, alas, 
 
 It may be true, for Flesh is Grass, 
 
 Sturdy he was, and no less able 
 
 Than Hercules to cleanse a Stable ; 
 
 As great a Drover, and as great 
 
 A Critick too in Hog or Neat. 
 
 He rippM the Womb up of his Mother, 
 
 Dame Tellus, 'cause she wanted fother 
 
 And Provender wherewith to feed 
 
 Himself and his less cruel Steed. 
 
 It was a question whether He 
 
 Or's Horse were of a Family 
 
 More Worshipful : till Antiquaries, 
 
 (After th' 'ad almost por'd out their Eyes) 
 
 Did very learnedly decide 
 
 The bus'ness on the Horse's side, 
 
 And prov'd not onely Horse, but Cows, 
 
 Nay Pigs, were of the elder house : 
 
 For Beasts, when man was but a piece 
 
 Of earth himself, did th' earth possess. 
 
 These Worthies were the chief that led 
 The Combatants, each in the head 
 Of his Command, with Arms and Rage, 
 Ready and longing to engage. 
 The numerous Rabble was drawn out 
 Of several Companies round about ; 
 From Villages remote, and Shires, 
 Of East and Western Hemispheres : 
 PVom forain Parishes and Regions, 
 
 40
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 Of different Manners, Speech, Religions, 
 Came Men and Mastives ; some to fight 
 For Fame and Honor, some for sight. 
 And now the field of Death, the Lists 
 Were ent'red by Antagonists, 
 And blood was ready to be broached ; 
 When Hudibras in haste approached. 
 With Squire and Weapons to attack 'em : 
 But first thus from his Horse bespake 'em. 
 
 What Rage, O Citizens, what fury 
 Doth you to those dire actions hurry ? 
 What Oestrum^ what phrenetick mood 
 Makes you thus lavish of your blood, 
 While the proud Fies your Trophies boast. 
 
 And unreveng'd walks ghost ? 
 
 What Towns, what Garisons might you 
 With hazard of this blood subdue. 
 Which now y' are bent to throw away 
 In vain, untriumphable fray ? 
 
 Shall Saints in Civil bloudshed wallow 
 Of Saints^ and let the Cause lie fallow ? 
 The Cause for which we fought and swore 
 So boldly, shall we now give o'er ? 
 Then because Quarrels still are seen 
 With Oaths and Swearing to begin. 
 The Solemn League and Covenant 
 Will seem a meer God-dayn-vie Rant ; 
 And we that took it, and have fought, 
 As lewd as Drunkards that fall out. 
 For as we make War for the King 
 Against himself^ the self-same thing 
 Some will not stick to swear we do 
 For God and for Religion too. 
 For if Bear-baiting we allow. 
 What good can Reformation do ? 
 The Bloud and Treasure that's laid out, 
 Is thrown away, and goes for nought. 
 Are these the fruits o' th' Protestation^ 
 
 41
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 The Prototype of Reformation^ 
 
 Which all the Saints^ and some, since Martyrs^ 
 
 Wore in their Hats, like Wedding-Garters, 
 
 When 'twas resolved by their House 
 
 Six Members quarrel to espouse ? 
 
 Did they for this draw down the Rabble, 
 
 With zeal and noises formidable ; 
 
 And make all Cries about the Town 
 
 Joyn throats to cry the Bishops down ? 
 
 Who having round begirt the Palace, 
 
 (As once a month they do the Golloius) 
 
 As Members gave the sign about 
 
 Set up their throats with hideous shout. 
 
 When Tinkers bawl'd aloud, to settle 
 
 Church Discipline^ for patching Kettle. 
 
 No Sow-gelder did blow his Horn 
 
 To geld a Cat, but cry'd Reform. 
 
 The Oyster-wom\_e']n lock'd their Fish up, 
 
 And trudg'd away to cry No Bishop. 
 
 The Mouse-trap men laid Save-alls by. 
 
 And 'gainst EvU Counsellors did cry. 
 
 Botchers left old Cloaths in the lurch. 
 
 And fell to turn and patch the Church. 
 
 Some cry'd the Covenant instead 
 
 Of Pudding-pies and Ginger-bread : 
 
 And some for Broom^ old Boots^ and Shooes^ 
 
 Baul'd out to purge the Commons House : 
 
 Instead of Kitchin-stuf] some cry 
 
 A Gospel-preaching-Ministry ; 
 
 And some for Old Suits^ Coats, or Cloak^ 
 
 No Surplices, nor Service-Book. 
 
 A strange harmonious inclination 
 
 Of all degrees to Reformation. 
 
 And is this all ? is this the end 
 
 To which these carryings on did tend ? 
 
 Hath Publick Faith like a young heir 
 
 For this ta'en up all sorts of Ware, 
 
 And run int' ev'ry Tradesman's Book, 
 
 Till both turn'd Bankrupts, and are broke ? 
 
 Did Saints for this bring in their Plate, 
 
 42
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 And crowd as if they came too late ? 
 
 For when they thought the Cause had need on't, 
 
 Happy was he that could be rid on't. 
 
 Did they coyn Piss-pots^ Boivls^ and Flaggons^ 
 
 Int' Officers of Horse and Dragoons ; 
 
 And into Pikes and Musqueteers 
 
 Stamp Beakers^ Cups^ and Porringers ? 
 
 A Thimble^ Bodkin^ and a Spoon 
 
 Did start up living men as soon 
 
 As in the Furnace they were thrown, 
 
 Just like the Dragons teeth being sown. 
 
 Then was the Cause all Gold and Plate, 
 
 The Brethrens ofF'rings, consecrate 
 
 Like th' Hehrew-calj\ and down before it 
 
 The Saints fell prostrate, to adore it. 
 
 So say the Wicked and will you 
 
 Make that Sarcasmous Scandal true, 
 
 By running after Dogs and Bears, 
 
 Beasts more unclean than Calves and Steers ? 
 
 Have poivrful Preachers ply'd their tongues. 
 
 And laid themselves out and their Lungs ; 
 
 Us'd all means both direcft and sinister 
 
 I' th' power of Gospel-Preaching Minister ? 
 
 Have they invented Tones^ to win 
 
 The Women^ and make them draw in 
 
 The Men, as Indians with a Female 
 
 Tame Elephant inveigle the Male ? 
 
 Have they told Providence what it must do, 
 
 Whom to avoid, and whom to trust to ? 
 
 Discover'd th' Enemy ?, design. 
 
 And which way best to countermine ; 
 
 Prescrib'd what ways he hath to work, 
 
 Or it will ne'r advance the Kirk^ 
 
 Told it the News o' th' last express, 
 
 And after good or bad success 
 
 Made Prayers, not so like Petitions^ 
 
 As Overtures and Propositions^ 
 
 (Such as the Army did present 
 
 To their Creator th' Parliament) 
 
 In which they freely will confess. 
 
 43
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 They will not, cannot acquiesce^ 
 Unless the Jf^ork be carry 'd on 
 In the same way they have begun, 
 By setting Church and Common-weal, 
 All on a flame bright as their zeal, 
 On which the Saints were all-a-gog. 
 And all this for a Bear and Dog. 
 
 The Parliament drew up Petitions 
 
 To 't self, and sent them, like Commissions, 
 
 To Well-affeded Persons down. 
 
 In ev'ry City and great Town ; 
 
 With pow'r to levy Horse and Men, 
 
 Only to bring them back agen : 
 
 For this did many, many a mile. 
 
 Ride manfully in Rank and File, 
 
 With Papers in their Hats, that show'd 
 
 As if they to th' Pillory rode. 
 
 Have all these courses, these efforts, 
 
 Been try'd by people of all sorts, 
 
 Velis isf Remisy omnihus Nervis^ 
 
 And all t' advance the Caused service : 
 
 And shall all now be thrown away 
 
 In petulant intestine fray : 
 
 Shall we that in the Cov^natit swore, 
 
 Each man of us to run before 
 
 Another still in Reformation., 
 
 Give Dogs and Bears a Dispensation ? 
 
 How will dissenting Brethren relish it ? 
 
 What will Malignants say ? Videlicet^ 
 
 That each man swore to do his best. 
 
 To damn and perjure all the rest : 
 
 And bid the Devil take the hinmost^ 
 
 Which at this Race is like to win most. 
 
 They'll say our bus'ness to reform 
 
 The Church and State is but a worm ; 
 
 For to subscribe unsight, unseen, 
 
 T' an unknown Churches Discipline : 
 
 What is it else, but before-hand, 
 
 T' ingage, and after understand ? 
 
 44
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 For when we swore to carry on 
 
 The present Reformation^ 
 
 According to the Purest mode 
 
 Of Churches, best Reform'd abroad, 
 
 What did we else but make a vow 
 
 To do we know not what, nor how ? 
 
 For no three of us will agree 
 
 Where, or what Churches these should be. 
 
 And is indeed the self-same case 
 
 With theirs that swore Et cateras \ 
 
 Or the French League^ in which men vow'd 
 
 To fight to the last drop of bloud. 
 
 These slanders will be thrown upon 
 
 The Came and JVork we carry on. 
 
 If we permit men to run headlong 
 
 T' exorbitancies fit for Bedlam^ 
 
 Rather then Gospel-walking times, 
 
 When slighted Sins are greatest Crimes. 
 
 But we the matter so shall handle, 
 
 As to remove that odious scandal 
 
 In name of King and Parliament^ 
 
 I charge ye all, no more foment 
 
 This feud, but keep the Peace between 
 
 Your Brethren and your Countrey-men j 
 
 And to those places straight repair 
 
 Where your respective dwellings are. 
 
 But to that purpose first surrender. 
 
 The Fidler^ as the prime offender, 
 
 Th' Incendiary vile, that is the chief 
 
 Author and Enginier of mischief; 
 
 That makes division between friends. 
 
 For prophane and malignant ends. 
 
 He and that Engine of vile noise, 
 
 On which illegally he plays, 
 
 Shall (diofuni fa^uni) both be brought 
 
 To condigne Punishtnent as th'y ought. 
 
 This must be done, and I would fain see 
 
 Mortal so sturdy as to gain-say : 
 
 For then [I] '11 take another course, 
 
 And son Reduce you all by force. 
 
 45
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 This said, he clapt his hand on Sword, 
 To shew he meant to keep his word. 
 
 But Talgol^ who had long supprest 
 
 Enflamed wrath in glowing breast, 
 
 Which now began to rage and burn as 
 
 Implacably as flame in Furnace, 
 
 Thus answer'd him. Thou Vermin wretched. 
 
 As e'er in Meazel'd Pork was hatched ; 
 
 Thou Tail of Worship, that dost grow 
 
 On Rump of Justice as of Cow ; 
 
 How dar'st thou with that sullen Luggage 
 
 [O'] thy self, old I'rn and other Baggage, 
 
 With which thy Steed of Bones and Leather 
 
 Has broke his wind in halting hither ; 
 
 How durst th', I say, adventure thus 
 
 T' oppose thy Lumber against vis ? 
 
 Could thine Impertinence find out 
 
 No work t'employ it self about. 
 
 Where thou secure from Wooden blow 
 
 Thy busy vanity might'st show ? 
 
 Was no dispute afoot between 
 
 The Catterwaul'tng Brethren \ 
 
 No subtle Question rais'd among 
 
 Those out-o'-the'tr wits and those i' th' wrong ? 
 
 No prize between those Combatants 
 
 O' th' times, the Land and Water-iSa/V//^ ; 
 
 Where thou might'st stickle without hazard 
 
 Of outrage to thy hide and mazard. 
 
 And not for want of bus'ness come 
 
 To us to be thus troublesome. 
 
 To interrupt our better sort 
 
 Of Disputants, and spoil our sport ? 
 
 Was there no Felony, no Bawd, 
 
 Cut-purse, nor Burglary abroad .-• 
 
 No Stolen Pig^ nor Plum/er\l Goose^ 
 
 To tye thee up from breaking loose ? 
 
 No Ale unlicenc'd, broken hedge, 
 
 For which thou Statute might'st alledge, 
 
 To keep thee busie from foul evil, 
 
 46
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 And shame due to thee from the Devil ? 
 
 Did no Committee sit, where he 
 
 Might cut out journy-worlc for thee ; 
 
 And set th' a task, with subornation, 
 
 To stitch up sale and sequestration ; 
 
 To cheat with Holiness and Zeal 
 
 All Parties, and the Common-weal ? 
 
 Much better had it been for thee, 
 
 H'had kept thee where th'art us'd to be ; 
 
 Or sent th'on bus'ness any whither, 
 
 So he had never brought thee hither. 
 
 But if th'hast Brain enough in Sk[u]ll 
 
 To keep within it's lodging whole. 
 
 And not provoke the rage of Stones 
 
 And Cudgels to thy Hide and Bones ; 
 
 Tremble, and vanish while thou may'st 
 
 Which I'll not promise if thou stay'st. 
 
 At this the Knight grew high in wroth, 
 
 And lifting hands and eyes up both. 
 
 Three times [he] smote on stomach stout. 
 
 From whence at length these words broke out. 
 
 Was I for this entit'led Sir^ 
 
 And girt with trusty Sword and Spur, 
 
 For Fame and Honor to wage Battel, 
 
 Thus to be brav'd by Foe to Cattel ? 
 
 Not all that Pride that makes thee swell 
 
 As big as thou dost blown-up Veal ; 
 
 Nor all thy tricks and slights to cheat, 
 
 And sell thy Carrion for good Meat ; 
 
 Not all thy Magick to repair 
 
 Decay'd old age in tough lean ware. 
 
 Make Natural Death appear thy work, 
 
 And stop the Gangreen in stale Pork ; 
 
 Not all that force that makes thee proud, 
 
 Because by Bullock ne'er withstood ; 
 
 Though arm'd with all thy Clevers, Knives, 
 
 And Axes made to hew down lives ; 
 
 Shall save or help thee to evade 
 
 The hand of Justice, or this blade 
 
 Which I her Sword-bearer do carry, 
 
 47
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 For civil Deed and A'lilitaiy. 
 
 Nor shall these words of Venom base, 
 
 Which thou hast from their Native place, 
 
 Thy stomach, pump'd to fling on me, 
 
 Go unreveng'd, though I am free. 
 
 Thou down the same throat shalt devour 'em, 
 
 Like tainted Beef, and pay dear for 'em. 
 
 Nor shall it e'er be said, that wight 
 
 With Gantlet blew and Bases white, 
 
 And round blunt Dudgeon by his side, 
 
 So great a man at Arms defy'd 
 
 With words far bitterer than Wormwood, 
 
 That would in 'Joh or Griz.el stir mood. 
 
 Dogs with their Tongues their Wounds do heal 
 
 But Men with hands as thou shalt feel. 
 
 This said, with hasty rage he snatch'd 
 
 His Gun-shot, that in holsters watch'd ; 
 
 And bending Cock, he level'd full 
 
 Against th' outside of TalgoTs Skull, 
 
 Vowing that he would ne'er stir further, 
 
 Nor henceforth Cow or Bullock murther. 
 
 But Pallas came in shape of Rust, 
 
 And 'twixt the Spring and Hammer thrust 
 
 Her Gorgofi-shxeXdi which made the Cock 
 
 Stand stiff as if 'twere turn'd t' a stock. 
 
 Mean while fierce Talgol gath'ring might, 
 
 With rugged Truncheon charg'd the Knight. 
 
 And he his rusty Pistol held 
 
 To take the blow on, like a Shield ; 
 
 The Gun recoyl'd, as well it might, 
 
 Not us'd to such a kind of fight, 
 
 And shrunk from its great Master's gripe, 
 
 Knock'd down and stunn'd with mortal stripe. 
 
 Then Hudibias with furious haste 
 
 Drew out his sword ; yet not so fast, 
 
 But Talgol first with hardy thwack 
 
 Twice bruis'd his head, and twice his back. 
 
 But when his nut-brown Sword was out. 
 
 Courageously he laid about, 
 
 Imprinting many a wound upon 
 
 48
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 His mortal foe the Truncheon. 
 
 The trusty Cudgel did oppose 
 
 It self against dead-doing blows, 
 
 To guard its Leader from fell bane, 
 
 And then reveng'd it self again. 
 
 And though the sword (some understood) 
 
 In force had much the odds of Wood ; 
 
 'Twas nothino- so, both sides were ballanc't 
 
 So equal, none knew which was valiant'st. 
 
 For Wood with Honor be'ng engag'd, 
 
 Is so implacably enrag'd, 
 
 Though Iron hew and mangle sore. 
 
 Wood wounds and bruises Honor more. 
 
 And now both Knights were out of breath, 
 
 Tir'd in the hot pursuit of Death ; 
 
 While all the rest amaz'd stood still. 
 
 Expecting which should take, or kill. 
 
 This Hudihras observ'd, and fretting 
 
 Conquest should be so long a getting, 
 
 He drew up all his force into 
 
 One Body, and that into one Blow. 
 
 But Talgol wisely avoided it 
 
 By cunning slight ; for had it hit. 
 
 The Upper part of him the Blow 
 
 Had slit, as sure as that below. 
 
 Mean while th' incomparable Colon^ 
 
 To aid his Friend began to fall on, 
 
 Him Ralph encountred, and straight grew 
 
 A fierce Dispute betwixt them two : 
 
 Th'one arm'd with Metall, t'other with Wood 
 
 This fit for bruise, and that for Blood. 
 
 With many a stiff thwack, many a bang, 
 
 Hard Crab-tree and old Iron rang; 
 
 While none that saw them could divine 
 
 To which side Conquest would encline : 
 
 Until Magnano^ who did envy 
 
 That two should with so many men vye. 
 
 By subtle stratagem of brain 
 
 Perform'd what force could ne'er attain, 
 
 D 
 
 49
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 For he by foul hap having found 
 
 Where Thistles grew on barren ground, 
 
 In haste he drew his weapon out 
 
 And having crop'd them from the Root 
 
 He clapp'd them under th' Horses Tail 
 
 With prickles sharper than a Nail : 
 
 The angry Beast did strait resent 
 
 The wrong done to his Fundament, 
 
 Begun to kick, and fling, and wince, 
 
 As if h'had been beside his sense, 
 
 Striving to disingage from Smart, 
 
 And raging Pain, th'afflidted Part, 
 
 Instead of which he threw the pack 
 
 Of Squire and Baggage from his back ; 
 
 And blundring still with smarting rump, 
 
 He gave the Champions Steed a thump, 
 
 That stagger'd him. The Knight did stoop 
 
 And sate on further side aslope, 
 
 This Talgol viewing, who had now 
 
 By flight escap'd the fatal blow. 
 
 He rally'd, and again fell to't ; 
 
 For catching him by nearer foot, 
 
 He lifted with such might and strength, 
 
 As would have hurl'd him twice his length, 
 
 And dash'd his brains (if any) out. 
 
 But Mars that still protec^ts the stout. 
 
 In Pudding-time came to his aid, 
 
 And under him the Bear convey 'd ; 
 
 The Bear^ upon whose soft Fur-Gown 
 
 The Kuight with all his weight fell down. 
 
 The friendly Rug preserv'd the ground. 
 
 And headlong Knight from bruise or wound, 
 
 Like Feather-Bed betwixt a Wall, 
 
 And heavy brunt of Cannon-ball. 
 
 As Sancho on a Blanket fell. 
 
 And had no hurt ; ours far'd as well 
 
 In body, though his mighty Spirit, 
 
 B'ing heavy, did not so well bear it. 
 
 The Bear was in a greater fright, 
 
 Beat down and worsted by the Knight. 
 
 50
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 He roar'd, and rag'd, and flung about, 
 
 To shake ofF bondage from his snout. 
 
 His wrath enflam'd boil'd o'er, and from 
 
 His jaws of Death he threw the fome, 
 
 Fury in stranger postures threw him, 
 
 And more, than ever Herald drew him, 
 
 He tore the Earth, which he had sav'd 
 
 From squelch of Knight^ and storm'd and rav'd 
 
 And vext the more, because the harms 
 
 He felt were 'gainst the Laiv of Arms : 
 
 For Men he always took to be 
 
 His friends, and Dogs the Enemy : 
 
 Who never so much hurt had done him, 
 
 As his own side did falling on him. 
 
 It griev'd him to the Guts, that they 
 
 For whom h' had fought so many a fray. 
 
 And serv'd with loss of blood so long. 
 
 Should offer such inhumane wrong ; 
 
 Wrong of unsoldier-like condition : 
 
 For which he flung down his Commission, 
 
 And laid about him, till his Nose 
 
 From thrall of Ring and Cord broke loose. 
 
 Soon as he felt himself enlarg'd. 
 
 Through thickest of his foes he charg'd, 
 
 And made way through th'amazed crew, 
 
 Some he o'er ran, and some o'er threw 
 
 But took none ; for by hasty flight 
 
 He strove t'avoid the conqu'ring Knight. 
 
 From whom he fled with as much haste 
 
 And dread as he the Rabble chac'd. 
 
 In haste he fled, and so did they. 
 
 Each and his fear a several way. 
 
 Crowdero only kept the field, 
 Not stirring from the place he held, 
 Though beaten down and wounded sore 
 r th' Fiddle, and a Leg that bore 
 One side of him, not that of bone. 
 But much its betters, th'wooden one. 
 He spying Hudibras lye strow'd 
 
 D 2 51
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Upon the ground, like log of Wood, 
 
 With fright of fall, supposed Wound, 
 
 And loss of Urine, in a swound, 
 
 In haste he snatch'd the Wooden limb 
 
 That hurt in th' anclcle lay by him, 
 
 And fitting it for sudden fight, 
 
 Straight drew it up, t'attack the Knight. 
 
 For getting up on stump and buckle, 
 
 He with the foe began to buckle, 
 
 Vowino- to be reveno;'d for breach 
 
 Of Crowd and Shin upon the Wretch, 
 
 Sole Author of all Detriment 
 
 He and his Fiddle underwent. 
 
 But Ralpho (who had now begun 
 
 T' adventure Resurrec^lion 
 
 From heavy Squelch, and had got up 
 
 Upon his Legs with sprained Crup) 
 
 Looking about beheld the Bard 
 
 To charge the Knight intranc'd prepar'd. 
 
 He snatch't his Whiniard up, that fled 
 
 When he was falling off his Steed, 
 
 (As Rats do from a falling house) 
 
 To hide it self from rage of blows ; 
 
 And wing'd with speed and fury, flew 
 
 To rescue Knight from black and blew. 
 
 Which e're he could atchieve, his Sconce 
 
 The Leg encounter'd twice and once : 
 
 And now 'twas rais'd, to smite agen. 
 
 When Ralpho thrust himself between. 
 
 He took the blow upon his Arm, 
 
 To shield the Knight from further harm ; 
 
 And joining wrath with force, bestow'd 
 
 O' th' wooden member such a load, 
 
 That down it fell, and with it bore 
 
 Croiudero^ whom it prop'd before. 
 
 To him the Squire did right nimbly run. 
 
 And setting his bold foot upon 
 
 His Trunk, thus spoke : What flesp''rnte Frenzie 
 
 Made thee, (thou whelp of sin) to i'dwcy 
 
 Thy self and all that Coward Rabble 
 
 52
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 T' encounter us in battel able ? 
 
 How durst th', I say, oppose thy Curship 
 
 'Gainst Arms, Authority, and Worship? 
 
 And Hudibras^ or me provoke, 
 
 Though all thy Limbs were heart of Oke, 
 
 And th' other half of thee as good 
 
 To bear out blows as that of Wood ? 
 
 Could not the whipping-post prevail 
 
 With all its Rhet'rick, nor the Jail, 
 
 To keep from flaying scourge thy skin, 
 
 And ankle free from Iron Gin ? 
 
 Which now thou shalt but first our care 
 
 Must see how Hudibras doth fare. 
 This said, he gently rais'd the Knight, 
 And set him on his Bum upright : 
 To rouze him from Lethargick dump ; 
 He tweak'd his Nose with gentle thump ; 
 Knock'd on his breast, as if't had been 
 To raise the Spirits lodg'd within. 
 They waken'd with the noise, did fly 
 From inward Room to Window eye, 
 And gently op'ning lid, the Casement, 
 Lookt out, but yet with some amazement. 
 This gladed Ralpho much to see, 
 Who thus bespoke the Knight : Quoth he 
 Tweaking his Nose, You are, great Sir, 
 A Self-denying Conqueror ; 
 As high, victorious and great. 
 As e'er fought for the Churches yet. 
 If you will give your self but leave 
 To make out what y' already have ; 
 That's Vi6lory. The foe, for dread 
 Of your Nine-worthiness, is fled, 
 All save Croivdero^ for whose sake 
 You did th' espous'd Cause undertake : 
 And he lies pris'ner at your feet. 
 To be dispos'd as you think meet : 
 Either for Life, or Death, or Sale, 
 The Gallows, or perpetual Jail. 
 For one wink of your pow'rful Eye 
 
 53
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Must Sentence him to live or dye. 
 
 His Fiddle is your proper purchase, 
 
 Won in the service of the Churches ; 
 
 And by your doom must be allow 'd 
 
 To be, or be no more, a Crowd. 
 
 For though success did not confer 
 
 Just Title on the Conquerer ; 
 
 Though dispensations were not strong 
 
 Conclusions whether right or wrong ; 
 
 Although Out-goings did not confirm. 
 
 And Owning were but a mere term : 
 
 Yet as the wicked have no right 
 
 To th'' Creature^ though usurp'd by might, 
 
 The property is in the Saint^ 
 
 From whom th' injuriously detain't ; 
 
 Of him they hold their Luxuries, 
 
 Their Dogs, their Horses, Whores and Dice, 
 
 Their Riots, Revels, Masks, Delights, 
 
 Pimps, Buffoons, Fidlers, Parasites : 
 
 All which the Saints have Title to. 
 
 And ought t'enjoy, if th' had their due. 
 
 What we take from them is no more 
 
 Than what was ours by right before. 
 
 For we are their true Landlords still. 
 
 And they our Tenants but at will. 
 
 At this the Knight begun to rouse, 
 
 And by degrees grow valorous. 
 
 He star'd about, and seeing none 
 
 Of all his foes remain but one. 
 
 He snatch'd his weapon that lay near him, 
 
 And from the ground began to rear him ; 
 
 Vowing to make Crowdero pay 
 
 For all the rest that ran away. 
 
 But Rnlpho now in colder blood. 
 
 His fury mildly thus withstood : 
 
 Great Sir, quoth he, your mighty Spirit 
 
 Is rais'd too high, this Slave does merit 
 
 To be the Hangman's bus'ness sooner 
 
 Than from your hand to have the honour 
 
 54
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 Of his clestru6lion. I that am 
 
 So much below in Deed and Name, 
 
 Did scorn to hurt his forfeit Carcass, 
 
 Or ill intreat his fiddle or Case. 
 
 Will you, Great Sir, that Glory blot 
 
 In cold bloud, which you gain'd in hot ? 
 
 Will you employ your Conque'ring Sword, 
 
 To break a Fiddle and your Word ? 
 
 For though I fought, and overcame, 
 
 And quarter gave, 'twas in your name. 
 
 For great Commanders always own 
 
 What's prosperous by the Soldier done. 
 
 To save, where you have pow'r to kill. 
 
 Argues your Pow'r above your Will ; 
 
 And that your Will and Pow'r have less 
 
 Than both might have of Selfishness. 
 
 This Pow'r which now alive with dread 
 
 He trembles at, if he were dead. 
 
 Would no more keep the Slave in awe. 
 
 Than if you were a Knight of Straw : 
 
 For death would then b' his Conqueror, 
 
 Not you, and free him from that terror. 
 
 If danger from his life accreu. 
 
 Or honour from his death to you ; 
 
 'Twere Policy, and Honor too, 
 
 To do as you resolv'd to do ; 
 
 But, Sir, 'twould wrong your valor much. 
 
 To say it needs or fears a Crutch. 
 
 Great Conquerors greater glory gain 
 
 By Foes in Triumph led, than slain : 
 
 The Lawrels that adorn their brows 
 
 Are puU'd from living, not dead boughs, 
 
 And living foes the greatest fame 
 
 Of Cripple slain can be but lame. 
 
 One half of him's already slain. 
 
 The other is not worth your pain. 
 
 Th' honor can but on one side light, 
 
 As Worship did, when y'were dubb'd Knight. 
 
 Wherefore I think it better far. 
 
 To keep him Prisoner of War ; 
 
 55
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And let him fast in bonds abide, 
 
 At Court of Justice to be try'd : 
 
 Where if h' appear so bold or crafty ; 
 
 There may be danger in his safety ; 
 
 If any Member there dislike 
 
 His Face, or to his Beard have pike ; 
 
 Or if his death will save, or yield. 
 
 Revenge, or fright, it is reveaTd^ 
 
 Though he has quarter, ne'ertheless 
 
 Y'have pow'r to hang him when you please. 
 
 This hath been often done by some 
 
 Of our great Conqu'rors, you know whom : 
 
 And has by most of us been held 
 
 Wise Justice, and to some reveaTd. 
 
 For Words and Promises that yoke, 
 
 The ConquVor, are quickly broke, 
 
 Like Samsons Cuffs, though by his own 
 
 Direction and advice put on. 
 
 For if we should fight for the Cause 
 
 By rules of military Laws, 
 
 And only do what they call just. 
 
 The Cause would quickly fall to dust. 
 
 This we among our selves may speak. 
 
 But to the IVkked or the JVeak 
 
 We must be cautious to declare 
 
 Perfe£iion-truths^ such as these are. 
 
 This said, the high outrageous mettle 
 Of Knight began to cool and settle. 
 He lik'd the Squired advice, and soon 
 Resolv'd to see the business done : 
 And therefore charg'd him first to bind 
 Crowdero\ hands on rump behind ; 
 And to its former place and use 
 The Wooden member to reduce : 
 But force it take an Oath before, 
 Ne'^er to hear Arms against him more. 
 
 Ralpho dispatch'd with speedy haste 
 And having ty'd Crowdrro fast, 
 
 56
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO II 
 
 He gave Sir Knight the end of Cord 
 
 To lead the Captive of his Sw^ord 
 
 In triumph v/hile the Steeds he caught, 
 
 And them to further service brought. 
 
 The Squire in state rode on before 
 
 And on his nut-brown Whiniard bore 
 
 The Trophee Fiddle and the Case^ 
 
 Plac'd on his shoulder like a Mace. 
 
 The Knight himself did after ride. 
 
 Leading Crowdero by his side, 
 
 And tow'd him, if he lagg'd behind, 
 
 Like Boat against the Tide and Wind. 
 
 Thus grave and solemn they march on, 
 
 Until quite through the Town th' had gone. 
 
 At further end of which there stands 
 
 An ancient Castle, that commands 
 
 Th' adjacent parts ; in all the fabrick 
 
 You shall not see one stone nor a brick : 
 
 But all of Wood, by pow'rflil Spell 
 
 Of Magick made impregnable. 
 
 There's neither Iron-bar, nor Gate, 
 
 Portcullis, Chain, nor Bolt, nor Grate : 
 
 And yet men durance there abide. 
 
 In Dungeon scarce three inches wide ; 
 
 With Roof so low, that under it 
 
 They never stand, but lie, or sit. 
 
 And yet so foul, that whoso is in. 
 
 Is to the middle-leg in Prison, 
 
 In Circle Magical confin'd, 
 
 With Walls of subtle Air and Wind, 
 
 Which none are able to break thorough, 
 
 Until th' are freed by head of Borough. 
 
 Thither arriv'd the advent'rous Knight 
 
 And bold Squire from their Steeds alight, 
 
 At th' outward Wall, near which [there] stands 
 
 A Bastile built t'imprison hands ; 
 
 By strange enchantment made to fetter 
 
 The lesser parts, and free the greater. 
 
 For though the Body may creep through, 
 
 The Hands in Grate are fast enough. 
 
 57
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And when a Circle 'bout the Wrist 
 
 Is made by Beadle Exorcist, 
 
 The Body feels the Spur and Switch, 
 
 As if 'twere ridden Post by 'witch 
 
 At twenty miles an hour pace, 
 
 And yet ne'er stirs out of the place. 
 
 On top of this there is a Spire, 
 
 On which Sir Knight first bids the Squire^ 
 
 The Fiddle^ and its Spoils, the Case, 
 
 In manner of a Trophee place. 
 
 That done, they ope the Trap-dore-gate, 
 
 And let Crowdero down thereat. 
 
 Crowdero making doleful face, 
 
 Like Hermit poor in pensive place. 
 
 To Dungeon they the wretch commit. 
 
 And the survivor of his feet : 
 
 But th' other that had broke the peace, 
 
 And head of Knighthood, they release. 
 
 Though a Deli[n']quent false and forged, 
 
 Yet b'ing a stranger, he's enlarged ; 
 
 While his Comrade that did no hurt, 
 
 Is clapt up fast in prison for't. 
 
 So yustice, while she ivinks at Crimes, 
 
 Stumbles on Innocence sometimes. 
 
 58
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 The Argument of the Third 
 CANTO. 
 
 The scatter d Rout return and rally^ 
 Surround [t]he Place ; the Knight does sally ^ 
 And is made Prisoner : then they seize 
 Th* Inchanted Fort by storm, release 
 Crowdero, and put the Squire ins place. 
 I should have first said, Hudibras. 
 
 CANTO III. 
 
 AY me ! what perils do environ 
 X\. The Man that meddles with cold Iron ! 
 What plaguy mischiefs and mishaps 
 Do dog him still with after-claps ! 
 For though Dame Fortune seem to smile 
 And leer upon him for a while ; 
 She'll after shew him, in the nick 
 Of all his Glories, a Dog-trick, 
 This any man may sing or say 
 r th' Ditty call'd, What if a Day : 
 For Hudibras, who thought h' had won 
 The PMeld as certain as a Gun, 
 And having routed the whole Troop, 
 With Vi6tory was Cock-a-hoop ; 
 
 59
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Thinks h' had done enough to purchase 
 Thanksgiving Day among the Churches^ 
 Wherein his Mettle and brave Worth 
 Might be explain'd by Holdcr-forth, 
 And Register'd by Fame eternal, 
 In Deathless Pages of Diurnal; 
 Found in few minutes, to his Cost, 
 He did but Count without his Host ; 
 And that a Turn-stile is more certain, 
 Than in events of War Dame Fortune. 
 
 For now the late faint-hearted Rout 
 O'erthrown and scatter'd round about, 
 Chac'd by the horror of their fear 
 From bloody fray of Knight and Bcar^ 
 (All but the Dogs^ who in pursuit 
 Of the Knight'^ Vi6lory stood to't, 
 And most ignobly sought to get 
 The honor of his blood and sweat) 
 Seeing; the Coast was free and clear 
 O' th' Conquer'd and the Conquercr, 
 Took heart again, and fac'd about, 
 As if they meant to stand it out : 
 For now the half-defeated Bear 
 Attack'd by th' Enemy i' th' rear, 
 Finding their number grew too great 
 For him to make a safe retreat, 
 Like a bold Chieftain fac'd about ; 
 But wisely doubting to hold out, 
 Gave way to fortune, and with haste 
 Fac'd the proud foe, and fled, and fac'd, 
 Retiring still, until he found 
 H' had got th' advantage of the ground ; 
 And then as valiantly made head, 
 To check the foe, and forthwith fled ; 
 Leaving no Art untry'd, nor Trick 
 Of Warrior stout and Politick, 
 Until in spight of hot pursuit, 
 He gain'd a Pass, to hold dispute 
 On better terms, and stop the course 
 
 60
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 Of the proud foe. With all his force 
 
 He bravely charg'd, and for a while 
 
 Forc'd their whole Body to recoil: 
 
 But still their numbers so increast 
 
 He found himself at length opprest, 
 
 And all evasions so uncertain, 
 
 To save himself for better fortune. 
 
 That he resolv'd, rather than yield, 
 
 To die with honour in the field, 
 
 And sell his Hide and Carcass at 
 
 A price as high and desperate 
 
 As e'er he could. This Resolution 
 
 He forthwith put in execution, 
 
 And bravely threw himself among 
 
 The Enemy i'th' greatest throng. 
 
 But what could single Valor do 
 
 Against so numerous a foe ? 
 
 Yet much [he] did, indeed too much 
 
 To be believ'd. where th' odds was such : 
 
 But one against a multitude, 
 
 Is more than mortal can make good. 
 
 For while one party he oppos'd, 
 
 His Rear was suddenly enclos'd. 
 
 And no room left him for retreat, 
 
 Or fight against a foe so great. 
 
 For now the Mastives charging home 
 
 To blows and handy-gripes were come ; 
 
 While manfully himself he bore, 
 
 And setting his right foot before, 
 
 He rais'd himself to shew how tall 
 
 His person was above them all. 
 
 This equal shame and envy stirr'd 
 
 I' th' Enemy, that one should beard 
 
 So many Warriors and so stout, 
 
 As he had done, and stand it out, 
 
 Disdaining to lay down his Arms, 
 
 And yield on honorable terms. 
 
 Enraged thus some in the rear 
 
 Attack'd him, and some ev'ry where, 
 
 Till down he fell, yet falling fought. 
 
 6i
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And being down still laid about ; 
 As JViddrington in doleful dumps 
 Is said to fight upon his stumps. 
 
 But all, alas ! had been in vain, 
 
 And he inevitably slain, 
 
 If Trulla and Cerdon in the nick 
 
 To rescue him had not been quick. 
 
 For Trulhi^ who was light of foot, 
 
 As shafts which long-field Parthlans shoot 
 
 (But not so light as to be born 
 
 Upon the Ears of standing Corn, 
 
 Or [trip] it o'er the water quicker 
 
 Than Witches when their staves they liquor, 
 
 As some report) was got among 
 
 The foremost of the Martial throng ; 
 
 Where pittying the vanquish'd Bear^ 
 
 She call'd to Cerdon who stood near 
 
 Viewing the bloudy fight, to whom 
 
 Shall we (quoth she) stand still hwn drum^ 
 
 And see stout Bruin all alone 
 
 By numbers basely overthrown ? 
 
 Such feats already h' has atchiev'd, 
 
 In story not to be believ'd : 
 
 And 'twould to us be shame enough, 
 
 Not to a[t]tempt to fetch him ofl-'. 
 
 I would (quoth he) venture a Limb 
 
 To second thee, and rescue him : 
 
 But then we must about it straight, 
 
 Or else our aid will come too late. 
 
 Quarter he scorns, he is so stout, 
 
 And therefore cannot long hold out. 
 
 This said, they wav'd their weapons round 
 
 About their heads, to clear the ground ; 
 
 And joining forces laid about 
 
 So fiercely, that th' amazed rout 
 
 Turn'd tail again, and straight begun. 
 
 As if the Devil drovc^ to run. 
 
 Mean while th' aproach'd the place where Bruin 
 
 62
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 Was now engag'd to mortal mine : 
 
 The conquering foe they soon assail'd ; 
 
 First TruUa stav'd, and Cerdon tail'd, 
 
 Until their Mastives loos'd their hold : 
 
 And yet alas ! do what they could, 
 
 The worsted Bear came off" with store 
 
 Of bloudy wounds, but all before. 
 
 For as Achilles dipt in Pond, 
 
 Was Anabapttzeil free from wound. 
 
 Made proof against dead-doing steel 
 
 All over but the Pagan heel, 
 
 So did our Champion's Arms defend 
 
 All of him but the other end, 
 
 His Head and Ears, which in the Martial 
 
 Encounter lost a Leathern parcel, 
 
 For as an Austrian Archduke once 
 
 Had one ear (which in Ducatoons 
 
 Is half the Coyn) in Battel par'd 
 
 Close to his head ; so Bruin far'd : 
 
 But tugg'd and pull'd on th'other side. 
 
 Like Scrivener newly crucify 'd ; 
 
 Or like the late-corre6ted Leathern 
 
 Ears of the circumcised Brethren. 
 
 But gentle Trulla into th' Ring 
 
 He wore in's Nose, conveyed a string. 
 
 With which she march'd before, and led 
 
 The Warrior to a grassie Bed, 
 
 As Authors write, in a cool shade. 
 
 Which Eglentine and Roses made, 
 
 Close by a softly-murm'ring stream 
 
 Where Lovers us'd to loll and dream. 
 
 There leaving him to his repose, 
 
 Secured from pursuit of foes. 
 
 And w[a]nting nothing but a Song, 
 
 And a well-tun'd Theorbo hung 
 
 Upon a Bough, to ease the pain 
 
 His tugg'd ears suffer'd, with a strain. 
 
 They both drew up, to march in quest 
 
 Of his great Leader, and the rest. 
 
 63
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 For Orsin (who was more rcnown'd 
 
 For stout maintaining of his ground 
 
 In standing fights than for pursuit, 
 
 As being not so quick of foot) 
 
 Was not long able to keep pace 
 
 With others that pursu'd the Chace, 
 
 But found himself left far behind, 
 
 Both out of heart and out of wind ; 
 
 Griev'd to behold his Bear pursu'd 
 
 So basely by a multitude, 
 
 And like to fall, not by the prowess, 
 
 But numbers of his Coward foes. 
 
 He rag'd and kept as heavy a coyl as 
 
 Stout Hercules for loss of Hylas^ 
 
 Forcing the Valleys to repeat 
 
 The Accents of his sad regret. 
 
 He beat his Breast, and tore his Hair, 
 
 For loss of his dear Crony Bear : 
 
 That Eccho from the hollow ground 
 
 His doleful wailings did resound 
 
 More wistfully by many times, 
 
 Than in small Poets splay-foot Rhimes, 
 
 That make her, in their ruthful stories. 
 
 To answer to Inter'gatories, 
 
 And most unconscionably depose 
 
 To things of which she nothing knows : 
 
 And when she has said all she can say, 
 
 'Tis wrested to the Lover's fancy. 
 
 Quoth he, O whether, wicked Bruin^ 
 
 Art thou fled to my Eccho, ruin ? 
 
 I thought th' hadst scorn'd to budge a step 
 
 For fear. (Quoth Eccho) Marty guep. 
 
 Am I not here to take thy [part ?] 
 
 Then what has quail'd thy stubborn heart ? 
 
 Have these Bones ratled, and this Head 
 
 So often in thy quarrel bled ? 
 
 Nor did I ever winch or grudge it, 
 
 For thy dear sake, (Quoth she) Mum budget. 
 
 Think'st thou 'twill not be laid i' th' dish. 
 
 Thou turn'dst thy back ? Quoth Eccho, Pish. 
 
 64
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 To run from those th' hadst overcome 
 
 Thus cowardly ? Quoth Eccho, Mum. 
 
 But what a-vengeance makes thee fly 
 
 From me too, as thine Enemy ? 
 
 Or if thou hast no thought of me 
 
 Nor what I have endur'd for thee, 
 
 Yet shame and honor might prevail 
 
 To keep thee thus from turning tail : 
 
 For who would grutch to spend his bloud in 
 
 His honors cause ? Quoth she, a Puddin. 
 
 This said, his grief to anger turn'd, 
 
 Which in his manly stomach burn'd ; 
 
 Thirst of Revenge and Wrath, in place 
 
 Of Sorrow now began to blaze. 
 
 He vow'd the Authors of his woe 
 
 Should equal vengeance undergo ; 
 
 And with their Bones and Flesh pay dear 
 
 For what he sufFer'd, and his Bear. 
 
 This b'ing resolv'd, with equal speed 
 
 And rage he hasted to proceed 
 
 To action streight, and giving o'er 
 
 To search for Bruin any more, 
 
 He went in quest of Hudibras., 
 
 To find him out, where e'er he was : 
 
 And if he were above ground, vow'd 
 
 He'd ferret him, lurk where he wou'd. 
 
 But scarce had he a furlong on 
 
 This resolute adventure gone. 
 
 When he encounter'd with that Crew 
 
 Whom Hudibras did late subdue. 
 
 Honor, Revenge, Contempt, and Shame, 
 
 Did equally their breasts enflame. 
 
 'Mong these the fierce Magnano was. 
 
 And Talgol foe to Hudibras \ 
 
 Cerdon and Colon^ Warriors stout 
 
 And resolute as ever fought : 
 
 Whom furious Ors'in thus bespoke. 
 
 Shall we (quoth he) thus basely brook 
 The vile affront that paultry Ass 
 
 65
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And feeble Scoundrel Hudibras., 
 With that more paultry Ragamuffin 
 Ralpho^ with vapouring and huffing, 
 Have put upon us like tame Cattel, 
 As if th' had routed us in battel ? 
 For my part, it shall ne'er be sed, 
 I for the washing gave my Head : 
 Nor did I turn my back for fear 
 Of them, but loosing of my Bear^ 
 Which now I'm like to undergo; 
 For whether these fell wounds, or no, 
 He has receiv'd in fight are mortal, 
 Is more than all my skill can foretel. 
 Nor do I know what is become 
 Of him, more than the Pope of Rome. 
 But if I can but find them out 
 That cau'sd it, (as I shall no doubt. 
 Where e'er th' in hugger-mugger lurk) 
 I'll make them rue their handy-work; 
 And wish that they had rather dar'd 
 To pull the Devil by the Beard. 
 
 Quoth Cerdon^ noble Orsin th' hast 
 Great reason to do as thou say'st. 
 And so has every body here 
 As well as thou hast, or thy Bear. 
 Others may do as they see good ; 
 But if this Twig be made of Wood 
 That will hold tack, I'll make the Fur 
 Fly 'bout the Ears of that old Cur, 
 And th' other mungrel Vermin, Ralph ^ 
 That brav'd us all in his behalf. 
 Thy Bear is safe and out of peril. 
 Though lugg'd indeed, and wounded very ill. 
 My self and Trulla made a shift 
 To help him out at a dead lift ; 
 And having brought him bravely off". 
 Have left him where he's safe enough, 
 Fhere let him rest ; for if we stay, 
 The Slaves may hap to get away. 
 
 66
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 This said, they all engag'd to join 
 
 Their forces in the same design : 
 
 And forthwith put themselves in search 
 
 Of Hudibras upon their march. 
 
 Where leave we them a while, to tell 
 
 What the Viftorious Knight befel : 
 
 For such, Crowdero being fast 
 
 In Dungeon shut, we left him last. 
 
 Triumphant Laurels seem'd to grow 
 
 No where so green as on his brow : 
 
 Laden with which, as well as tir'd 
 
 With conquering toil, he now retir'd 
 
 Unto a neighb'ring Castle by. 
 
 To rest his Body, and apply 
 
 Fit Med'cines to each glorious bruise 
 
 He got in fight Reds^ Blacks^ and Blews ; 
 
 To mollifie the uneasie pang 
 
 Of ev'ry honorable bang. 
 
 Which b'ing by skilful Midwife drest. 
 
 He laid him down to take his rest. 
 
 But all in vain, H' had got a hurt 
 
 O' th' inside of a deadlier sort. 
 
 By Cupid made, who took his stand 
 
 Upon a Widows Jointure-Land, 
 
 (For he, in all his amorous battels 
 
 No 'dvantage finds like Goods and Chattels) 
 
 Drew home his Bow, and aiming right, 
 
 Let fly an Arrow at the Knight. 
 
 The shaft against a Rib did glance, 
 
 And gall him in the Purtenance. 
 
 But time had somewhat swag'd his pain, 
 
 After he found his suit in vain. 
 
 For that proud Dame for whom his soul 
 
 Was burnt in's belly like a coal, 
 
 (That belly that so oft did ake 
 
 And suffer griping for her sake 
 
 Till purging Comfits and Ants Eggs 
 
 Had almost brought him off his Legs) 
 
 Us'd him so like a base Rascallion^ 
 
 E 2 67
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 That old Pyg- (what d'y' call him) ??iaIion^ 
 
 That cut his Mistress out of stone, 
 
 Had not so hard-a-hearted-one. 
 
 She had a thousand jadish tricks, 
 
 Worse than a Mule that flings and kicks : 
 
 'Mong which one cross-grain'd freak she had, 
 
 As insolent as strange and mad : 
 
 She could love none but onely such 
 
 As scorn'd and hated her as much. 
 
 'Twas a strange Riddle of a Lady ; 
 
 Not love, if any lov'd her, ha day ! 
 
 So Cowards never use their might, 
 
 But against such as will not fight. 
 
 So some diseases have been found 
 
 Onely to seize vipon the sound. 
 
 He that gets her by heart must say her 
 
 The back-way, like a Witches Prayer. 
 
 Mean while the Knight had no small task, 
 
 To compass what he durst not ask. 
 
 He loves, but dares not make the motion ; 
 
 Her ignorance is his devotion. 
 
 Like Caitiff vile, that for misdeed. 
 
 Rides with his face to rump of Steed, 
 
 Or rowing Scull, he's fain to love. 
 
 Look one way, and another move ; 
 
 Or like a tumbler that does play 
 
 His game, and look another way : 
 
 Until he seize upon the Cony : 
 
 Just so does he by Matrimony, 
 
 But all in vain : her subtle snout 
 
 Did quickly wind his meaning out ; 
 
 Which she return'd with too much scorn, 
 
 To be by man of honor born. 
 
 Yet much he bore, till the distress 
 
 He suffer'd from his spightful Mistress 
 
 Did stir his stomach, and the Pain 
 
 He had endur'd from her disdain 
 
 Turn'd to regret, so resolute. 
 
 That he resolv'd to wave his suit. 
 
 And either to renounce her quite, 
 
 68
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 Or for a while play least in sight, 
 
 This resolution b'ing put on, 
 
 He kept some months, and more had done ; 
 
 But being brought so nigh by f'ate, 
 
 The Victory h' atchiev'd so late 
 
 Did set his thoughts agog, and ope 
 
 A door to discontinu'd hope, 
 
 That seem'd to promise he might win 
 
 His Dame too now his hand was in ; 
 
 And that his valor and the honor 
 
 H' had newly gain'd might work upon her : 
 
 These reasons made his mouth to water 
 
 With amorous longings to be at her. 
 
 Thought he unto himself, Who knows 
 But this brave Conquest o'er my foes. 
 May reach her heart, and make that stoop, 
 As I but now have forc'd the Troop ? 
 If nothing can oppugne love. 
 And virtue envious ways can prove, 
 What may not he confide to do 
 That brings both love and virtue too ? 
 But thou bring'st valor too and wit. 
 Two things that seldom fail to hit. 
 Valor's a Mouse-trap, Wit a Gin, 
 Which Women oft are taken in. 
 Then, Hudibras^ why should'st thou fear 
 To be, that art, a Conquerer } 
 Fortune th' audacious doth juvare^ 
 But lets the timidous miscarry. 
 Then while the honour thou hast got 
 Is spick and span-new, piping hot. 
 Strike her up bravely thou had'st best, 
 And trust thy fortune with the rest. 
 
 Such thoughts as these the Knight did keep. 
 More than his bangs or fleas, from sleep. 
 And as an Owl that in a Barn 
 Sees a Mouse creeping in the Corn, 
 Sits still, and shuts his round blew eyes 
 
 69
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 As if he slept, until he spies 
 The little beast within his reach. 
 Then starts, and seizes on the wretch : 
 So from his Couch the Knight did start, 
 To seize upon the Widow's heart ; 
 Crying with hasty tone and hoarse, 
 Ralpho^ dispatch, to horse, to horse, 
 And 'twas but time, for now the Rout 
 We left engag'd to seek him out, 
 By speedy marches were advanc'd 
 Up to the Fort where he ensconc'd. 
 And had all th' avenues possest 
 About the place, from East to West. 
 That done, a while they made a halt. 
 To view the Ground, and where t' assault 
 Then call'd a Councel, which was best. 
 By siege or onslaught, to invest 
 The enemy : and 'twas agreed. 
 By storm and onslaught to proceed. 
 This b'ing resolv'd, in comely sort, 
 They now drew up t' attack the Fort. 
 When Hudihras about to enter 
 Upon another gate's adventure ; 
 To Ralpho call'd aloud to arm, 
 Not dreaming of approaching storm. 
 Whether Dame Fortune, or the care 
 Of Angel bad, or Tutelare, 
 Did arm or thrust him on a danger. 
 To which he was an utter stranger : 
 That foresight might, or might not blot 
 The glory he had newly got ; 
 Or to his shame it might be sed. 
 They took him napping in his bed : 
 To them we leave it to expound. 
 That deal in Sciences profound. 
 His Courser scarce he had bestrid. 
 And Ralpho that on which he rid. 
 When setting ope the Postern Gate, 
 To take the Field and sally at. 
 The Foe appear'd, drawn up and drill'd. 
 
 70
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 Ready to charge them in the field. 
 
 This somewhat startl'd the bold Knight^ 
 
 Surpriz'd with th' unexpected sight 
 
 The bruises of his Bones and Flesh, 
 
 He thought began to smart afresh : 
 
 Till recollecting wonted Courage, 
 
 His fear was soon converted to rage. 
 
 And thus he spoke : The Coward Foe, 
 
 Whom we but now gave quarter to. 
 
 Look, yonder's rally'd, and appears. 
 
 As if they had out-run their fears. 
 
 The Glory we did lately get, 
 
 The Fates command us to repeat, 
 
 And to their wills we must succumb, 
 
 ^^uocunque trahunt^ 'tis our doom. 
 
 This is the same numerick Crew 
 
 Which we so lately did subdue. 
 
 The self-same individuals that 
 
 Did run, as Mice do from a Cat, 
 
 When we courageously did wield 
 
 Our Martial weapons in the held, 
 
 To tug for Victory : and when 
 
 We shall our shining blades agen 
 
 Brandish in terror o'er our heads. 
 
 They'll straight resume their wonted dreads. 
 
 Fear is an Ague, that forsakes 
 
 And haunts by fits those whom it takes. 
 
 And they'll opine they feel the pain 
 
 And blows, they felt to day, again. 
 
 Then let us boldly charge them home. 
 
 And make no doubt to overcome. 
 
 This said, his Courage to enflame, 
 He call'd upon his Mhtrhi name. 
 His Pistol next he cockt anew, 
 And out his nut-brown Whiniard drew. 
 And placing Ralpho in the front, 
 Reserv'd himself to bear the brunt ; 
 As expert Warriors use : then ply'd 
 With Iron heel his Courser's side, 
 
 71
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Conveying Sympathetick speed 
 
 From heel of Knight to heel of Steed. 
 
 Mean while the foe with equal rage 
 
 And speed advancing to engage, 
 
 Both parties now were drawn so close, 
 
 Almost to come to handiblows. 
 
 When Orsin first let fly a stone 
 
 At Ralpho ; not so huge a one 
 
 As that which D'lomed did maul 
 
 Mneas on the Bum withal ; 
 
 Yet big enough, if rightly hurl'd, 
 
 T' have sent him to another world ; 
 
 Whether above-ground, or below. 
 
 Which Saints twice dipt are destin'd to. 
 
 The danger startled the bold Squire^ 
 
 And made him some few steps retire. 
 
 But Hudibras advanc'd to's aid, 
 
 And rouz'd his Spirits half dismay'd. 
 
 He, wisely doubting lest the shot 
 
 Of th' Enemy now growing hot. 
 
 Might at a distance gall, prest close, 
 
 To come, pell-mell, to handiblows : 
 
 And that he might their aim decline, 
 
 Advanc'd still in an oblique line ; 
 
 But prudently forbore to fire. 
 
 Till breast to breast he had got nigher : 
 
 As expert Warriors use to do. 
 
 When hand to hand they charge the foe. 
 
 This order the advent'rous Knight 
 
 Most Soldier-like observ'd in fight : 
 
 When Fortune (as she's wont) turn'd fickle. 
 
 And for the foe began to stickle. 
 
 The more shame for her Goody-ship^ 
 
 To give so near a friend the slip. 
 
 For Colon chusing out a stone, 
 
 Levell'd so right, it thumpt upon 
 
 His manly panch with such a force. 
 
 As almost beat him ofl^ his Horse. 
 
 He loos'd his weapon, and the Rein ; 
 
 72
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 But laying fast hold on the Mane 
 
 Preserv'd his seat : And as a Goose 
 
 In death contrails his Talons loose ; 
 
 So did the Knight^ and with one Claw 
 
 The tricker of his Pistol draw. 
 
 The Gun went ofF: and as it was 
 
 Still fatal to stout Hudibras^ 
 
 In all his feats of Arms, when least 
 
 He dreamt of it to prosper best ; 
 
 So now he far'd, the shot let fly 
 
 At randome 'mong the Enemy, 
 
 Pierc'd TalgoFs Gabberdine, and grazing 
 
 Upon his Shoulder, in the passing 
 
 Lodg'd in Magnam^ brass Habergeon, 
 
 Who straight a Surgeon cry'd, a Surgeon. 
 
 He tumbled down, and as he fell, 
 
 Did Murther., ?mirther^ murther yell. 
 
 This startled their whole Body so, 
 
 That if the Knight had not let go 
 
 His Arms, but been in warlike plight, 
 
 H' had won (the second time the fight.) 
 
 As if the Squire had but fal'n on, 
 
 He had inevitably done : 
 
 But he diverted with the care 
 
 Of Hudibras his wound forbare 
 
 To press th' advantage of his fortune. 
 
 While danger did the rest dishearten. 
 
 He had with Cerdon been engag'd 
 
 In close encounter, which both wag'd 
 
 So desp'rately, 'twas hard to say 
 
 Which side was like to get the day. 
 
 And now the busie work of death 
 
 Had tir'd them so, th' agreed to breath. 
 
 Preparing to renew the fight ; 
 
 When th' heard the disaster of the Knight 
 
 And th' other party did divert 
 
 And force their sullen Rage to part 
 
 Ralpho prest up to Hudibras., 
 
 And Cerdon where Magnano was ; 
 
 Each striving to confirm his party 
 
 73
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 With stout encouragements and hearty. 
 
 Quoth Rnlpho^ Courage, valiant Sir, 
 
 And let Revenge and Honour stir 
 
 Your spirits up, once more fall on, 
 
 The shatter'd Foe begins to run : 
 
 For if but half so well you knew^ 
 
 To use your Victory as subdue. 
 
 They durst not, after such a blow 
 
 As you have giv'n them, face us now ; 
 
 But from so formidable a Soldier 
 
 Had fled like Crows when they smell Powder. 
 
 Thrice have they seen your Sword aloft 
 
 Wav'd o'er their heads, and fled as oft : 
 
 But if you let them recolleft 
 
 Their spirits, now dismay'd and checkt. 
 
 You'll have a harder game to play. 
 
 Than yet y' have had to get the day. 
 
 Thus spoke the stout Squire ; but was heard 
 
 By Hudibras with small regard. 
 
 His thoughts were fuller of the bang 
 
 He lately took, than Ralph's harangue ; 
 
 To which he answer'd, Cruel fate 
 
 Tells me thy Counsel comes too late. 
 
 The knotted blood within my hose. 
 
 That from my wounded body flows, 
 
 With mortal Crisis doth portend 
 
 My days to appropinque an end. 
 
 I am for aftion now unfit. 
 
 Either of Fortitude or Wit. 
 
 Fortune my foe begins to frown, 
 
 Resolv'd to pull my stomach down. 
 
 I am not apt upon a wound, 
 
 Or trivial basting, to despond : 
 
 Yet I'd be loath my days to curtal. 
 
 For if I thought my wounds not mortal, 
 
 Or that we'd time enough as yet 
 
 To make an honourable retreat, 
 
 'Twere the best course : but [if] they find 
 
 We fly, and leave our Arms behind. 
 
 74
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 For them to seize on, the dishonor 
 And danger too is such, I'll sooner 
 Stand to it boldly, and take quarter, 
 To let them see I am no starter. 
 In all the trade of War, no feat 
 Is nobler than a brave retreat. 
 For those that run away, and fly. 
 Take Place at least of th' enemy. 
 
 This said, the Squire with aftive speed. 
 Dismounted from his bony Steed, 
 To seize the Arms which by mischance 
 Fell from the bold Knight in a trance. 
 These being found out, and restor'd 
 To Hudibras^ their nat'ral Lord, 
 The aftive Squire with might and main 
 Prepar'd in haste to mount again. 
 Thrice he assay'd to mount aloft. 
 But by his weighty Bum as oft 
 He was pull'd back : till having found 
 Th' advantage of the rising ground. 
 Thither he led his warlike Steed, 
 And having plac'd him right, with speed 
 Prepar'd again to scale the Beast. 
 When Orsirij who had newly drest 
 The bloudy scar upon the shoulder 
 Of Talgol with Promethean Powder, 
 And now was searching for the shot 
 That laid Magnano on the spot, 
 Beheld the sturdy Squire aforesaid 
 Preparing to climb up his Horse side. 
 He left his Cure, and laying hold 
 Upon his Arms with Courage bold 
 Cry'd out, 'Tis now no time to dally, 
 The Enemy begins to rally : 
 Let us that are unhurt and whole 
 Fall on, and happy man he's dole. 
 
 This said, like to a Thunderbolt 
 He flew with fury to th' assault. 
 
 75
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Striving the Enemy to attack 
 Before he reacht his Horse's back. 
 Ralpho was mounted now, and gotten 
 O'erthwart his Beast with adbve vaulting. 
 Wrigling his body to recover 
 His seat, and cast his right Leg over ; 
 When Orsin rushing in, bestow'd 
 On Horse and Man so heavy a load. 
 The Beast was startled, and begun 
 To kick and fling like mad, and run ; 
 Bearing the tough Squire like a Sack, 
 Or stout King Richard on his back : 
 Till stumbling, he threw him down. 
 Sore bruis'd and cast into a swoun. 
 Mean while the Knight began to rowse 
 The sparkles of his wonted prowess ; 
 He thrust his Hand into his Hose, 
 And found both by his Eyes and Nose, 
 'Twas only Choler, and not Bloud, 
 That from his wounded Body flow'd. 
 This, with the hazard of the Squire^ 
 Inflam'd him with despightful Ire ; 
 Courageously he fac'd about. 
 And drew his other Pistol out, 
 And now had half-way bent the Cock, 
 When Cerdon gave so fierce a shock. 
 With sturdy truncheon thwart his Arm 
 That down it fell, and did no harm ; 
 Then stoutly pressing on with speed, 
 Assay'd to pull him off his Steed. 
 The Knight his Sword had onely left. 
 With which he Cerdon % Head had cleft. 
 Or at the least cropt off a Limb, 
 But Orsin came and rescu'd him. 
 He with his Lance attac'd the Knight 
 Upon his quarters opposite. 
 But as a Bark that in foul weather, 
 Toss'd by two adverse winds together, 
 Is bruis'd and beaten too and fro. 
 And knows not which to turn him to : 
 
 76
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 So far'd the Knight between two foes, 
 
 And knew not which of them t* oppose. 
 
 Till Orsin charging with his Lance 
 
 At Hudihras^ by spightful chance 
 
 Hit Cerdon such a bang, as stunn'd 
 
 And laid him flat upon the ground. 
 
 At this the Knight began to chear up. 
 
 And raising up himself on stirrup, 
 
 Cry'd out Victoria ; lie thou there, 
 
 And I shall straight dispatch another. 
 
 To bear thee company in death : 
 
 But first I'll halt awhile and breath. 
 
 As well he might : for Orsin griev'd 
 
 At th' wound that Cerdon had receiv'd 
 
 Ran to relieve him with his lore 
 
 And cure the hurt he made before. 
 
 Mean while the Knight had wheel'd about, 
 
 To breathe himself, and next find out 
 
 Th' advantage of the ground, where best 
 
 He might the ruffled foe infest. 
 
 This b'ing resolv'd, he spurr'd his Steed ; 
 
 To run at Orsin with full speed. 
 
 While he was busie in the care 
 
 Of Cerdons wound, and unaware : 
 
 But he was quick, and had already 
 
 Unto the part apply'd remedy ; 
 
 And seeing th' enemy prepar'd. 
 
 Drew up, and stood upon his guard. 
 
 Then like a Warrior right expert 
 
 And skilful in the martial Art, 
 
 The subtle Knight straight made a halt. 
 
 And judg'd it best to stay th' assault. 
 
 Until he had reliev'd the Squire^ 
 
 And then (in order) to retire ; 
 
 Or, as occasion should invite, 
 
 With Forces join'd renew the fight. 
 
 Ralpho by this time disentranc'd, 
 
 Upon his Bum himself advanc'd. 
 
 Though sorely bruis'd ; his Limbs all o're 
 
 With ruthless bangs were stiff and sore. 
 
 17
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Right fain he would have got upon 
 His feet again, to get him gone ; 
 When Hudibras to aid him came. 
 
 Quoth he, (and call'd him by his name) 
 
 Courage, the day at length is ours, 
 
 And we once more as Conquerors, 
 
 Have both the Field and Honor won. 
 
 The Foe is profligate and run ; 
 
 I mean all such as can, for some 
 
 This hand hath sent to their long home ; 
 
 And some lie sprauling on the ground. 
 
 With many a gash and bloody wound. 
 
 Casar himself could never say 
 
 He got two Viftories in a day ; 
 
 As 1 have done, that can say. Twice I 
 
 In one day, f^eni^ vidi^ vici, 
 
 The foe's so numerous, that we 
 
 Cannot so often vincere 
 
 As they perire^ and yet enough 
 
 Be left to strike an after-blow. 
 
 Then lest they rally, and once more 
 
 Put us to fight the bus'ness o'er, 
 
 Get up, and mount thy Steed, dispatch, 
 
 And let us both their motions watch. 
 
 Quoth Ralph^ I should not, if I were 
 In case for a6lion, now be here ; 
 Nor have I turn'd my back, or hang'd 
 An Arse, for fear of being bang'd : 
 It was for you I got these harms, 
 Advent'ring to fetch off your Arms. 
 The blows and drubs I have receiv'd, 
 Have bruis'd my body, and bereav'd 
 My Limbs of strength : unless you stoop. 
 And reach your hand to pull me up, 
 I shall lie here, and be a prey 
 To those who now are run away. 
 
 That shalt thou not (quoth Hudibras) 
 We read, the Ancients held it was 
 
 7«
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 More honorable far Servare 
 
 Civeniy than slay an adversary. 
 
 The one we oft to day have done ; 
 
 The other shall dispatch anon. 
 
 And though th' art of a different Church, 
 
 I will not leave thee in the lurch. 
 
 This said, he jogg'd his good Steed nigher, 
 
 And steer'd him gently toward the Squire. 
 
 Then bowing down his Body, stretcht 
 
 His Hand out, and at Ralpho reacht ; 
 
 When Trulla^ whom he did not mind, 
 
 Charg'd him like Lightening behind. 
 
 She had been long in search about 
 
 Magnano's wound, to find it out : 
 
 But could find none, nor where the shot 
 
 That had so startl'd him was got. 
 
 But having found the worst was past, 
 
 She fell to her own work at last 
 
 The pillage of the Prisoners, 
 
 Which all in feat of Arms was hers : 
 
 And now to plunder Ralph she flew, 
 
 When Hudibras his hard fate drew 
 
 To succor him ; for as he bow'd 
 
 To help him up, she laid a load 
 
 Of blows so heavy, and plac'd so well. 
 
 On th' other side, that down he fell. 
 
 Yield Scoundrel base, (quoth she) or dye ; 
 
 Thy Life is mine and Liberty. 
 
 But if thou think'st I took thee tardy. 
 
 And. dar'st presume to be so hardy. 
 
 To try thy fortune o'er afresh, 
 
 I'll wave my Title to thy flesh. 
 
 Thy Arms and Baggage, now my right : 
 
 And if thou hast the heart to try't, 
 
 I'll lend [thee] back thy self awhile. 
 
 And once more for that carcass vile 
 
 Fight upon tick Quoth Hudibras^ 
 
 Thou ofFer'st nobly, valiant Lass, 
 And I shall take thee at thy word. 
 
 79
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 First let me rise, and take my sword ; 
 That sword which has so oft this day- 
 Through Squadrons of my foes made way, 
 And some to other worlds dispatcht, 
 Now with a feeble Spinster matcht, 
 Will blush with bloud ignoble stain'd, 
 By which no honor's to be gain'd. 
 But if thou'lt take m' advice in this. 
 Consider while thou may'st, what 'tis 
 To interrupt a Viftor's course, 
 B' opposing such a trivial force. 
 For if with Conquest I come off, 
 (And that I shall do sure enough) 
 Quarter thou canst not have, nor grace. 
 By Law of Arms in such a case ; 
 Both which I now do offer freely. 
 
 I scorn (quoth she) thou Coxcomb silly, 
 
 (Clapping her hand upon her breech. 
 
 To shew how much [s]he priz'd his speech) 
 
 Quarter or Counsel from a foe : 
 
 If thou canst force me to it, do. 
 
 But lest it should again be sed. 
 
 When I have once more won thy head, 
 
 I took thee napping unprepar'd. 
 
 Arm and betake thee to thy Guard. 
 
 This said, she to her Tackle fell, 
 
 And on the Knight let fall a peal 
 
 Of blows so fierce, and prest so home. 
 
 That he retir'd and follow'd's Bum. 
 
 Stand to't (quoth she) or yield to mercy 
 
 It is not fighting Ars'te-versie 
 
 Shall serve thy turn — This stirr'd his spleen 
 
 More than the danger he was in. 
 
 The blows he felt, or was to feel. 
 
 Although the' already made him reel, 
 
 Honor, despight, revenge, and shame. 
 
 At once unto his stomach came ; 
 
 Which fir'd it so, he rais'd his Arm 
 
 80
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 Above his Head, and rain'd a storm 
 
 Of blows so terrible and thick. 
 
 As if he meant to hash her quick. 
 
 But she upon her truncheon took 'em ; 
 
 And by oblique diversion broke 'em j 
 
 Waiting an opportunity 
 
 To pay all back with usury. 
 
 Which long she fail'd not of, for now 
 
 The Knight with one dead-doing blow 
 
 Resolving to decide the fight, 
 
 And she with quick and cunning slight 
 
 Avoiding it, the force and weight 
 
 He charg'd upon it was so great, 
 
 As almost sway'd him to the ground. 
 
 No sooner she th' advantage found. 
 
 But in she flew, and seconding 
 
 With home-made thrust the heavy swing, 
 
 She laid him flat upon his side, 
 
 And mounting on his Trunk a-stride. 
 
 Quoth she, I told thee what would come 
 
 Of all thy vapouring base Scum. 
 
 Say, will the Law of Arms allow 
 
 I may have Grace, and Quarter now ? 
 
 Or wilt thou rather break thy word. 
 
 And stain thine Honor, than thy Sword. 
 
 A Man of War to damn his Soul, 
 
 In basely breaking his Parole. 
 
 And when before the Fight, th' hadst vow'd 
 
 To give no quarter in cold blood : 
 
 Now thou hast got me for a Tartar^ 
 
 To make m' against my will take quarter ? 
 
 Why dost not put me to the sword, 
 
 But cowardly fly from thy word ? 
 
 Quoth Hudibras^ the days thine own ; 
 
 Thou and thy stars have cast me down : 
 
 My Laurels are transplanted now, 
 
 And flourish on thy conqu'ring brow : 
 
 My loss of Honor's great enough. 
 
 Thou need'st not brand it with a scofF: 
 
 Sarcasmes may eclipse thine own, 
 
 F 8i
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 But cannot blur my lost renown : 
 I am not now in Fortune's power, 
 He that is down can fall no loiucr. 
 The ancient Hero's were illustrious 
 For b'ing benigne, and not blustrous, 
 Against a vanquish'd foe : their swords 
 Were sharp and trencheant, not their words ; 
 And did in light but cut work out 
 T' employ their courtesies about. 
 
 Quoth she, although thou hast deserv'd, 
 
 Base Slubberdegullion^ to be serv'd 
 
 As thou did'st vow to deal with me, 
 
 If thou had'st got the Viilory ; 
 
 Yet I shall rather aft a part 
 
 That suits my Fame, than thy desert. 
 
 Thy Arms, thy Liberty, beside 
 
 All that's o' th' out-side of thy Hide, 
 
 Are mine by Military Law, 
 
 Of which I will not bate one straw : 
 
 The rest, thy Life and Limbs, once more. 
 
 Though doubly forfeit, I restore. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras^ it is too late 
 
 For me to treat, or stipulate ; 
 
 What thou Command'st I must obey : 
 
 Yet those whom I expugn'd to day. 
 
 Of thine own party, I let go. 
 
 And gave them life and freedom too. 
 
 Both Dogs and Bears^ upon their parol. 
 
 Whom I took pris'ners in this quarrel. 
 
 Quoth Trulla^ Wh[e]ther thou or they 
 Let one another run away. 
 Concerns not me ; but was't not thou 
 That gave Crowdero quarter too ? 
 Crowdero^ whom in Irons bound. 
 Thou basely threw'st into Lob''s pound , 
 Where still he lies, and with regret 
 His generous Bowels rage and fret. 
 
 82
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 But now thy Carcass shall redeem, 
 And serve to be exchange for him. 
 
 This said, the Knight did straight submit, 
 And laid his weapons at her feet. 
 Next he disrob'd his Gaberdine, 
 And with it did himself resigne. 
 She took it, and forthwith devesting 
 The Mantle that she wore, said jesting. 
 Take that, and wear it for my sake ; 
 Then threw it o'er his sturdy back. 
 And as the French we conquer'd once 
 Now give us Laws for Pantaloons, 
 The length of Breeches, and the gathers 
 Port-cannons, Perriwigs, and Feathers ; 
 Just so the proud insulting Lass 
 Array 'd and dighted Hudibras. 
 
 Mean while the other Champions, [yjerst 
 
 In hurry of the fight disperst, 
 
 Arriv'd when Trulla 'd won the day. 
 
 To share in th' Honor and the Prey, 
 
 And out of Hudibras his Hide 
 
 With vengeance to be satisfi'd ; 
 
 Which now they were about to pour 
 
 Upon him in a wooden showr. 
 
 But Trulla thrust her self between. 
 
 And striding o'er his back agen. 
 
 She brandisht o'er her head his sword, 
 
 And vow'd they should not break her word ; 
 
 Sh' had given him quarter, and her blood 
 
 Or theirs, should make their quarter good. 
 
 For she was bound by Law of Arms 
 
 To see him safe from further harms. 
 
 In Dungeon deep Crowdero cast 
 
 By Hudibras as yet lay fast, 
 
 Where to the hard and ruthless stones 
 
 His great Heart made perpetual mones. 
 
 Him she resolv'd that Hudibras 
 
 Should ransome, and supply his place. 
 
 F2 83
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 This stopt the fury and the basting 
 
 Which toward Hudihras was hastinp;. 
 
 They thought it was but just and right, 
 
 That what she had atchiev'd in fight, 
 
 She should dispose of how she pleas'd : 
 
 Croivdcro ought to be releas'd ; 
 
 Nor could that any way be done 
 
 So well as this she pitcht upon : 
 
 For who a better could imagine ? 
 
 This therefore they resolv'd t' engage in*. 
 
 The Knight and Squire first they made 
 
 Rise from the ground where they were laid ; 
 
 Then mounted both upon their Horses, 
 
 But with their Faces to the Arses. 
 
 Orsin led Hudihras's beast, 
 
 And Talgol that which Ralpho prest, 
 
 Whom stout Magnano^ valiant Cerdon^ 
 
 And Colon waited as a guard on. 
 
 All ush'ring Tridla^ in the reer 
 
 With th' Arms of either prisoner. 
 
 In this proud order and array 
 
 They put themselves upon their way. 
 
 Striving to reach th' inchanted Castle, 
 
 Where stout Crowdero in durance lay still. 
 
 Thither with greater speed, than shows 
 
 And triumphs over conquered foes 
 
 Do use t' allow, or then the Bears 
 
 Or Pageants born before Lord Mayors 
 
 Are wont to use, they soon arriv'd 
 
 In order Soldier-like contriv'd. 
 
 Still marching in a warlike posture. 
 
 As fit for Battel as for Muster. 
 
 The Knight and Squire they first unhorse, 
 
 And bending 'gainst their Fort their force, 
 
 They all advanc'd, and round about 
 
 Begirt the Magical Redoubt. 
 
 Magnan led up in this adventure. 
 
 And made way for the rest to enter. 
 
 For he was skilful in Black Art 
 
 84
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 No less than he that left the Fort ; 
 
 And with an Iron Mace laid flat 
 
 A breach, which straight all enter'd at, 
 
 And in the wooden Dungeon found 
 
 Crowdero laid upon the ground. 
 
 Him they release from durance base, 
 
 Restor'd t' his Fiddle and his Case^ 
 
 And liberty, his thirsty rage 
 
 With lushious vengeance to asswage. 
 
 For he no sooner was at large, 
 
 But Trulla straight brought on her charge. 
 
 And in the self-same Litnho put 
 
 The Knight and Squire where he was shut. 
 
 Where leaving them i' th' wretched hole. 
 
 Their bangs and durance to condole 
 
 Confin'd and conjur'd into narrow 
 
 Enchanted Mansion, to know sorrow ; 
 
 In the same order and array 
 
 Which they advanc'd, they marcht away. 
 
 But Hudibras^ who scorn'd to stoop 
 
 To Fortune, or be said to droop, 
 
 Chear'd up himself with ends of Verse, 
 
 And sayings of Philosophers. 
 
 Quoth he, Th' one half of Man, his Mind 
 
 Is Sui juris unconfin'd, 
 
 And cannot be laid by the heels. 
 
 What e'er the other moiety feels. 
 
 'Tis not Restraint or Liberty 
 
 That makes Men prisoners or free ; 
 
 But perturbations that possess 
 
 The Mind or ^Equanimities. 
 
 The whole world was not half so wide 
 
 To Alexander when he cry'd, 
 
 Because h' had but one to subdue, 
 
 As was a paultry narrow tub to 
 
 Diogenes., who is not said 
 
 (For ought that ever I could read) 
 
 To whine, put finger i' th' eye, and sob 
 
 Because h' had ne'er another Tub. 
 
 85
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 The ancient[s] make two several kinds 
 
 Of Prowess in heroick minds, 
 
 The ASfive and the Passive valiant ; 
 
 Both which are pari libra gallant : 
 
 For both to give blows and to carry, 
 
 In fights are equenecessary ; 
 
 But in defeats, the Passive stout 
 
 Are always found to stand it out 
 
 Most desp'rately, and to out-doe 
 
 The Aftive, 'gainst a conquering foe. 
 
 Though we with blacks and blews are suggil'd, 
 
 Or, as the vulgar say are cudgcPd: 
 
 He that is valiant, and dares fight. 
 
 Though drubb'd, can lose no honor by't. 
 
 Honour's a lease for lives to come^ 
 
 And cannot be extended from 
 
 The legal Tenant : 'tis a Chattel, 
 
 Not to be forfeited in Battel. 
 
 If he that in the field is slain. 
 
 Be in the Bed of Honor lain : 
 
 He that is beaten may be sed 
 
 To lie in Honor's Truckle-bed. 
 
 For as we see th' eclipsed Sun 
 
 By mortals is more gaz'd upon, 
 
 Than when adorn 'd with all his light 
 
 He shines in Serene Sky most bright : 
 
 So Valor in a low estate 
 
 Is most admir'd and wonder'd at. 
 
 Quoth Ralphs How great I do not know 
 
 We may by being beaten grow ; 
 
 But none that see how here we sit 
 
 Will judge us overgrown with Wit. 
 
 As gifted Brethren preaching by 
 
 A Carnal Hour-glass^ do imply 
 
 Illumination can convey 
 
 Into them what they have to say. 
 
 But not how much ; so well enough 
 
 Know you to charge, but not to draw off. 
 
 For who without a Cap and Bauble^ 
 
 86
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 Having subdu'd a Bear and Rabble^ 
 And might with Honor have come off, 
 Would put it to a second proof: 
 A politick exploit, right fit 
 For Presbyterian Zeal and JVit. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras^ That Cuckolds tone, 
 
 Ralpho^ thou always harp'st upon : 
 
 When tho[u] at any thing would'st rail, 
 
 Thou mak'st Presbytery thy scale 
 
 To take the height on't, and explain 
 
 To what degree it is prophane, 
 
 Whats'ever will not with thy {what cV ye call) 
 
 Thy light yump right thou call'st Synodical. 
 
 As if Presbytery were a standard 
 
 To size whats'ever's to be slander'd. 
 
 Dost not remember how this day 
 
 Thou to my Beard wast bold to say. 
 
 That thou could'st prove Bear-baiting equal 
 
 With Synods^ Orthodox and legal ? 
 
 Do if thou can'st, for I deny't. 
 
 And dare thee to't with all thy light : 
 
 Quoth Ralpho^ Truely that is no 
 Hard matter for a man to do. 
 That has but any Guts in's Brains^ 
 And could believe it worth his pains, 
 But since you dare and urge me to it, 
 You'l find I've light enough to do it. 
 
 Synods are mystical Bear-gardens^ 
 
 Where Elders^ Deputies^ Church-ivardens^ 
 
 And other Members of the Court, 
 
 Manage the Babylonish sport. 
 
 For Prolocutor^ Scribe^ and Bearward^ 
 
 Do differ onely in a mere word. 
 
 Both are but several Synagogues 
 
 Of carnal Men^ and Bears and Dogs : 
 
 Both Antichristian Assemblies^ 
 
 To mischief bent as far's in them lies 
 
 Both stave and tail, with fierce contests. 
 
 87
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 The one with Men, the other Beasts. 
 
 The diff'rence is, The one fights with 
 
 The Tongue, the other with the Teeth ; 
 
 And that they bait but Bears in this. 
 
 In th' other Souls and Consciences ; 
 
 Where Saints themselves are brought to stake 
 
 For Gospel light^ and Conscience sake ; 
 
 Expos'd to Scribes and Presbyters^ 
 
 Instead of Mastivc Dogs and Curs ; 
 
 Then whom th' have less humanity. 
 
 For these at Souls of Men will fly. 
 
 This to the Prophet did appear. 
 
 Who in a Vision saw a Bear^ 
 
 Prefiguring the beastly rage 
 
 Of Church-rule in this latter Age : 
 
 As is demonstrated at full 
 
 By him that baited the Popes Bull. 
 
 Bears naturally are Beasts of prey. 
 
 That live by Rapine, so do they ; 
 
 What are their Orders., Constitutions.^ 
 
 Church Censures., Curses^ Absolutions., 
 
 But sev'ral mystick chains they make. 
 
 To tye poor Christians to the stake ? 
 
 And then set Heathen Officers., 
 
 Instead of Dogs., about their Ears. 
 
 For to prohibit and dispence. 
 
 To find out, or to make off^ence : 
 
 Of Hell and Heaven to dispose ; 
 
 To play with Souls at fast and lose ; 
 
 To set what Characters they please. 
 
 And mulfts of sin or Godliness ; 
 
 Reduce the Church to Gospel-Order., 
 
 By Rapine., Sacri ledge., and Murder ; 
 
 To make Presbytery supreme, 
 
 And Kings themselves submit to them ; 
 
 And force all people, though against 
 
 Their Consciences., to turn Saints., 
 
 Must prove a pretty thriving Trade, 
 
 When Saints Monopolists are made. 
 
 When pious frauds and holy shifts 
 
 88
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 Are dispensations and gifis^ 
 
 There Godliness becomes mere ware, 
 
 And ev'ry Synod but a Fair. 
 
 Synods are whelps of th' Inquisition^ 
 
 A mungrel breed of like pernicion. 
 
 And growing up became the Sires 
 
 Of Scribes^ Commissioners^ and Triers j 
 
 Whose bus'ness is, by cunning slight 
 
 To cast a figure for mens Light ; 
 
 To find in lines of Beard and Face, 
 
 The Phisiognomy of Grace ; 
 
 And by the sound and twang of Nose^ 
 
 If all be sound within disclose. 
 
 Free from a crack or flaw of sinning, 
 
 As Men try Pipkins by the ringing. 
 
 By Black Caps underlaid with White^ 
 
 Give certain guess at inward Light \ 
 
 Which Serjeants at the Gospel wear, 
 
 To make the Spiritual Calling clear. 
 
 The Hand[k]erchief about the neck 
 
 (Canonical Crabat of Smeck^ 
 
 From whom the Institution came 
 
 When Church and State they set on flame, 
 
 And worn by them as badges then 
 
 Of Spiritual Warfaring Men) 
 
 Judge rightly if Regeneration 
 
 Be of the newest Cut in fashion. 
 
 Sure 'tis an Orthodox opinion 
 
 That Grace is founded in Dominion, 
 
 Great Piety consists in Pride ; 
 
 To rule is to be sanSiifd : 
 
 To domineer and to controul 
 
 Both o'er the Body and the Soul, 
 
 Is the most perfedi discipline 
 
 Of Church-rule, and by right divine. 
 
 Bell and the Dragons Chaplains were 
 
 More moderate than these by far : 
 
 For they (poor Knaves) were glad to cheat, 
 
 To get their Wives and Children Meat : 
 
 89
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 But these will not be fobb'd off so, 
 
 They must have Wealth and Power too, 
 
 Or else with blood and desolation, 
 
 They'll tear it out o' th' heart o' th' Nation, 
 
 Sure these themselves from Primitive 
 
 And Heathen Priesthood do derive, 
 
 When Butchers were the only Clerks^ 
 
 Elders and Presbyters of Kirks^ 
 
 Whose Dire£iory was to Kill ; 
 
 And some believe it is so still. 
 
 The onely diff'rence is, that then 
 
 They slaughter'd only Beasts, now Men. 
 
 For then to sacrifice a Bullock, 
 
 Or now and then a Child to Moloch^ 
 
 They count a vile Abomination, 
 
 But not to slaughter a whole Nation. 
 
 Presbytery does but translate 
 
 The Papacy to a Free State^ 
 
 A Commonwealth of Popery, 
 
 Where ev'ry Village is a See 
 
 As well as Rome, and must maintain 
 
 A Tithe Pig Metropolitane : 
 
 Where ev'ry Presbyter and Deacon 
 
 Commands the Keys for Cheese and Bacon ; 
 
 And ev'ry Hamlet's governed 
 
 By's Holiness, the Church''?, Head, 
 
 More haughty and severe in's place 
 
 Than Gregory and Boniface, 
 
 Such Church must (surely) be a Monster 
 
 With many heads : for if we conster 
 
 What in th' Apocalypse we find. 
 
 According to th' Apostles mind, 
 
 'Tis that the JVhore of Babylon 
 
 With many heads did ride upon ; 
 
 Which Heads denote the sinful Tribe 
 
 Of Deacon, Priest, Lay-Elder, Scribe. 
 
 Lay-Elder, Si?neon to Levi, 
 
 Whose little finger is as heavy 
 
 As loins of Patriarchs, Prince-Prelate, 
 
 90
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 Archbishop-secular. This Zelot 
 
 Is of a mungrel, divers kind, 
 
 Cleric k before, and Lay behind ; 
 
 A Lawless Limy-woohy Brother^ 
 
 Half of one Order, half another ; 
 
 A Creature of amphibious nature. 
 
 On Land a Beast, a Fish in Water, 
 
 That always preys on Grace, or Sin ; 
 
 A Sheep without, a Wolf within. 
 
 This fierce Inquisitor has chief 
 
 Dominion over Mens Belief 
 
 And Manners : Can pronounce a Saint 
 
 Idolatrous, or ignorant. 
 
 When superciliously he sifts. 
 
 Through coursest Boulter, others gifts. 
 
 For all Men live and judge amiss 
 
 Whose Talents jump not just with his. 
 
 He'll lay on Gifts with hands, and place 
 
 On dullest noddle light and grace^ 
 
 The manufa6lure of the Kirk^ 
 
 Whose Pastors are but th' Handiwork 
 
 Of his Mechanick Paws, instilling 
 
 Divinity in them by feeling. 
 
 From whence they start up chosen Fessels^ 
 
 Made by Conta6l, as Men get Meazles. 
 
 So Cardinals.^ they say, do grope 
 
 At th' other end the new made Pope. 
 
 Hold, hold, quoth Hudibras., Soft fire^ 
 
 They say, does make sweet Malt. Good Squire. 
 
 Festina lente^ not too fast ; 
 
 For haste (the Proverb says) makes waste. 
 
 The Quirks and Cavils thou dost make 
 
 Are false, and built upon mistake. 
 
 And I shall bring you, with your pack 
 
 Of Falacies^ t' Elenchi back ; 
 
 And put your Arguments in mood 
 
 And figure to be understood. 
 
 I'll force you by right ratiocination 
 
 To leave your Vitilitigation^ 
 
 91
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And make you keep to th' question close, 
 And argue DialeSficw'i. 
 
 The Question then, to state it first. 
 
 Is which is better^ or which worst^ 
 
 Synods or Bears. Bears 1 avow 
 
 To be the worst, and Synods thou. 
 
 But to make good th' Assertion, 
 
 Thou say'st th' are really all one. 
 
 If so, not worst ; for if th' are /V/t'w, 
 
 Why then, Tantundem dat tant'idem. 
 
 For if they are the same^ by course 
 
 Neither is better., neither worse. 
 
 But I deny they are the safne., 
 
 More than a Maggot and I am. 
 
 That both are Animalia^ 
 
 I grant, but not Rationalia : 
 
 For though they do agree in kind, 
 
 Specifick difference we find. 
 
 And can no more make Bears of these, 
 
 Than prove my Horse is Socrates. 
 
 That Synods are Bear-gardens too. 
 Thou dost affirm ; but I say no : 
 And thus I prove it, in a word, 
 Whats'ever Assembly^ not impowr'd 
 To censure., curse., absolve., and ordain., 
 Can be no Synod: but Bear-garden 
 Has no such pow'r, Ergo 'tis none. 
 And so thy Sophistry's o'erthrown. 
 
 But yet we are beside the Question 
 
 Which thou did'st raise the first contest on ; 
 
 For that was, Whether Bears are better 
 
 Than Synod-men., I say Negatur. 
 
 That Bears are Beasts., and Synods Men., 
 
 Is held by all : They'r better then. 
 
 For Bears and Dogs on four Legs go. 
 
 As Beasts., but Synod-men on Two. 
 
 92
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 'Tis true, they all have Teeth and Nails \ 
 
 But prove that Synod-men have tails ; 
 
 Or that a rugged, shaggy Fur 
 
 Grows o'er the Hide of Presbyter ; 
 
 Or that his snout and spacious Ears 
 
 Do hold proportion w^ith a Bears. 
 
 A Bears a savage Beast, of all 
 
 Most ugly and unnatural, 
 
 Whelpt vi^ithout form, until the Dam 
 
 Have lickt him into shape and frame ; 
 
 But all thy light can ne'er evift 
 
 That ever Synod-man was lickt \ 
 
 Or brought to any other fashion 
 
 Than his own Will and Inclination. 
 
 But thou dost further yet in this 
 Oppugne thy self and sense, that is, 
 Thou would'st have Presbyters to go 
 For Bears and Dogs^ and Bearwards too. 
 A strange Chifn^era of Beasts and Men, 
 Made up of pieces Heterogene, 
 Such as in Nature never met 
 In eodem Subje^o yet. 
 
 Thy other Arguments are all 
 
 Supposures, Hypothetical, 
 
 That do but beg, and we may chuse 
 
 Either to grant them, or refuse. 
 
 Much thou hast said, which I know when. 
 
 And where, thou stol'st from other Men 
 
 (Whereby 'tis plain thy light an-d gifts 
 
 Are all but plagiary shifts ;) 
 
 And is the same that Ranter sed. 
 
 That arguing with me, broke my head. 
 
 And tore a handful of my Beard : 
 
 The self-same Cavils then I heard, 
 
 When b'ing in hot dispute about 
 
 This Controversie, we fell out ; 
 
 And what thou know'st I answer'd then. 
 
 Will serve to answer thee agen. 
 
 93
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Quoth Ralpho^ Nothing but th' abuse 
 
 Of Humane Learning you produce ; 
 
 Learning that Cobweb of the Brain, 
 
 Profane^ erronious, and vain ; 
 
 A trade of knowledge as repleat 
 
 As others are with fraud and cheat ; 
 
 An Art t' incumber Gifts and JVit^ 
 
 And render both for nothing fit ; 
 
 Makes light unaftive, dull and troubled, 
 
 Like little David in Saul's Doublet ; 
 
 A cheat that Scholars put upon 
 
 Other mens reason and their own ; 
 
 A Fort of Error, to ensconce 
 
 Absurdity and Ignorance ; 
 
 That renders all the avenues 
 
 To Truth impervious and abstruse, 
 
 By making plain things, in debate, 
 
 By Art, perplext and intricate : 
 
 For nothing goes for Sense or Light 
 
 That will not with old rules jump right. 
 
 As if Rules were not in the Schools 
 
 Deriv'd from Truth, but Truth from Rules. 
 
 This Pagan^ Heathenish invention 
 Is good for nothing but Contention. 
 For as in Sword-and-Buckler Fight, 
 All blows do on the Target light : 
 So when Men argue, the great'st part 
 O' th' Contest falls on terms of Art, 
 Until the Fustian stuff be spent. 
 And then they fall to th' Argument. 
 
 Quoth HudibraSy Friend Ralph^ thou hast 
 Out-run the Constable at last ; 
 For thou art fallen on a new 
 Dispute, as sensless as untrue, 
 But to the former opposite. 
 And contrary as black to white ; 
 Mere Disparata^ that concerning 
 Presbytery^ this Humane Learning ; 
 
 94
 
 FIRST PART, CANTO III 
 
 Two things s' averse, they never yet 
 
 But in thy rambh'ng fancy met. 
 
 But I shall take a fit occasion 
 
 To evince thee by Ratiocination, 
 
 Some other time, in place more proper 
 
 Than this w' are in : therefore let's stop here, 
 
 And rest our wearied bones a while. 
 
 Already tir'd with other toil. 
 
 95
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Annotations 
 
 TO THE 
 
 FIRST PART. 
 
 That could as well bind o're as swaddle. 
 
 Bind over to the Sessions, as being a Justice of the Peace in his 
 Country, as well as Colonel of a Regiment of Foot, in the 
 Parliaments Army, and a Committee-man. 
 
 As Mountaigne playing with his Cat. 
 
 Mountaigne in his Essays supposes his Cat thought him a Fool, for loosing 
 his time, in playing with her. 
 
 Profoundly skill'd in Jnalytique. 
 
 Analytique is a part of Logick that teaches to Decline and Construe Reason^ 
 as Grammar does fVords. 
 
 A Babilonish Dialedt. 
 
 A confusion of Languages, such, as some of our Modern Virtuosi use to 
 express themselves in. 
 
 That had the Orator^ who once, 
 
 Demosthenes, who is said to have a defefi: in his Pronunciation, which he 
 cur'd by using to speak with little stones in his mouth. 
 
 He could reduce all things to A6ls. 
 
 The old Philosophers thought to extraft Notions out of Natural things, as 
 Chymists do Spirits and Essences; and when they had refin'd them into 
 the nicest subtleties, gave them as insignificant Names, as those Operators 
 do their Extradions : But (as Seneca says) the subtler things are 
 render'd, they are but the nearer to Nothing. So are all their definitions 
 of things by A6ls, the nearer to Nonsense. 
 
 96
 
 ANNOTATIONS TO THE FIRST PART 
 
 Where Truth in person does appear. 
 
 Some Authors have mistaken Truth for a Real thing, when it is nothing 
 but a right Method of putting those Notions, or Images of things (in 
 the understanding of Man) into the same state and order, that their 
 Originals hold in Nature, and therefore Aristotle says, unumquodque sicut 
 se habet secundum esse, ita se habet secundum t'eritatem. Met. 1. 2. 
 
 Like Words congeal'd in Northern Air. 
 
 Some report, that in Nova Zemble, and Greenland, Mens words are wont 
 to be Frozen in the Air, and at the Thaw may be heard. 
 
 He knew the Seat of Paradise. 
 
 There is nothing more ridiculous than the various opinions of Authors 
 about the Seat of Paradise ; Sir Walter Rawleigh has taken a great deal 
 of pains to collect them ; in the beginning of his History of the World ; 
 where those who are unsatisfied, may be fully informed. 
 
 By a High Dutch Interpreter. 
 
 Goropius Becanus endeavours to prove that High-Dutch was the Language 
 that Adam and Eve spoke in Paradise. 
 
 If either of them had a Navel. 
 
 Adam and Eve being Made, and not Conceiv'd, and Form'd in the 
 Womb, had no Navel, as some Learned Men have suppos'd, because 
 they had no need of them. 
 
 Who first made Musick Malleable. 
 
 Musick is said to be invented by Pythagoras, who first found out the 
 Proportion of Notes, from the sounds of Hammers upon an Anvil. 
 
 Like M.ahomei'% were Ass and Widgeon. 
 
 Mahomet had a tame Dove that used to pick Seeds out of his Ear, that it 
 might be thought to whisper and Inspire him. His Ass was so intimate 
 with him, that the Mahometans believe it carry'd him to Heaven, and 
 stays there with him to bring him back again. 
 
 It was Canonique, and did grow 
 In Holy Orders by stri(5l Vow. 
 
 He made a Vow never to cut his Beard, until the Parliament had subdued 
 the King, of which Order of Phanaticjue Votaries, there were many in 
 those times. 
 
 G 97
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 So Learned Taitacot'ius^ &c. 
 
 Taliacotius was an Italian Chirurgeon, that found out a way to repair lost 
 and decay "d Noses. 
 
 But left the Trade, as many more, 
 Have lately done, &c. 
 
 Oli'ver Cromavel and Colonel Pride had been both Brewers. 
 
 That C^sars Horse, who as Fame goes. 
 Had Corns upon his Feet and Toes. 
 
 yuliuj Citsar had a Horse with Feet like a Man's. Utebatur equo insigni, 
 pedibus prope Humauis^ <&' /'« >?iodum Digitorum ungulis Jissis. 
 
 Sueton in Jul. Cap. 6i. 
 
 The mighty Tynan Queen that gain'd 
 With subtle shreds, a Trac^l of Land. 
 
 Dido Q^ueen of Carthage^ who bought as much Land as she could compass 
 with an Oxes Hide, which she cut into small Thongs and cheated the 
 owner of so much ground, as serv'd her to build Carthage upon. 
 
 As the bold Trojan Knight seen Hell. 
 
 jEneas whom Firgil reports to use a Golden Bough, for a Pass to Hell, 
 and Tailors call that place Hell, where they put all they steal. 
 
 In Magick, Talisman, and Cabal. 
 
 Talisman is a Device to destroy any sort of Vermin by casting their 
 Images in Metal, in a precise minute, when the Stars are perfectly 
 inclin'd to do them all the mischief they can. This has been experi- 
 mented by some modern Virtuosi, upon Rats, Mice, and Fleas, and 
 found (as they affirm) to produce the Effect with admirable success. 
 
 Raymund Lully interprets Cabal, out of the Arabick, to signifie Scientia 
 super abimdans, which his Comentator Cornelius Agrippa, by over 
 magnifying, has render'd a very superfluous Foppery. 
 
 As far as Adarns first Green Breeches. 
 
 The Author of Magia Adamica endeavours to prove the Learning of the 
 antient Magi, to be deriv'd from that knowledge which God himself 
 taught Adam in Paradise^ before the Fall. 
 
 98
 
 ANNOTATIONS TO THE FIRST PART 
 
 And much of Terra Incognita 
 The Intelhgible world could say. 
 
 The Intelligible world, is a kind of Terra del Fuego, or Psittacorum Regio, 
 discovered only by the Philosophers, of which they talk, like Parrots, 
 what they do not understand. 
 
 As Learn'd as the wild Irish are. 
 
 No Nation in the World is more addicted to this occult Philosophy, than 
 the Wild Irish, as appears by the whole practice of their Lives, of 
 which see Canibden in his description of Ireland. 
 
 In Rosy-Crucian Love as Learned 
 As he that vere Adeptus earned. 
 
 The Fraternity of the Rosy-Crucians is very like the Sect of the antient 
 Gnostici who call'd themselves so, from the excellent Learning they 
 pretended to, although they were really the most ridiculous Sots of all 
 Mankind. 
 
 Vere Adeptus, is one that has Commenc'd in their Fanatique extravagance. 
 
 Thou that with Ale or viler Licquors 
 Did'st inspire Withers., Pryn^ and Fickars. 
 
 This Fickars was a Man of as great Interest and [Authority] in the late 
 Reformation, as Pryn, or Withers, and as able a Poet ; He Translated 
 Virgils jEneids into as horrible Travesty in earnest, as the French 
 Scaroon did in Burlesque, and was only out-done in his way by the 
 Politick Author of Oceana. 
 
 We that are wisely mounted higher. 
 
 This Speech is set down as it was deliver'd by the Knight in his own 
 words : but since it is below the Gravity of Heroical Poetry, to admit 
 of Humor, but all men are oblig'd to speak wisely alike. And too 
 much of so extravagant a Folly would become tedious, and impertinent, 
 the rest of his Harangues have only his Sense exprest in other words, 
 unless in some few places where his own words could not be so well 
 avoided. 
 
 In Bloudy Cynardlomarchy. 
 
 Cynarf^omarchy signifies nothing in the World, but a Fight between 
 Dogs and Bears, though both the Learned and Ignorant agree, that in 
 such words very great Knowledge is contained : and our Knight as one, 
 or both of those, was of the same opinion. 
 
 G 2 99
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Or Force, we averruncate it. 
 
 Another of the same kind, which though it appear ever so Learned, and 
 Profound, means nothing else but the weeding of Corn. 
 
 The Indians fought for the Truth 
 Of th' Elephant, and Monkeys Tooth. 
 
 The History of the White Elephant, and the Monkeys Tooth, which the 
 InJians ador'd, is written by Monsieur Le Blanc. This Monkey's Tooth 
 was taken by the Portuguese from those that worship'd it, and though 
 they ofFer'd a vast Ransom for it, yet the Christians were perswaded by 
 their Priests, rather to burn it. But as soon as the fire was kindled, all 
 the People present were not able to indure the horrible stink that came 
 from it, as if the Fire had been made of the same Ingredients, with 
 which Seamen use to compose that kind of Granado's, which they call 
 Stinkards. 
 
 This rage in them like Bout-feus. 
 
 Bout-feus is a French word, and therefore it were uncivil to suppose any 
 English Person (especially of Quality) ignorant of it, or so ill-bred as to 
 need an Exposition. 
 
 As Indian Brittains are from Penguins. 
 
 The American Indians call a great Bird they have, with a white head a 
 Penguin ; which signifies the same thing in the Brittish Tongue : from 
 whence (with other words of the same kind) some Authors have 
 endeavour'd to prove, That the uimericans are originally deriv'd from 
 the Brittains. 
 
 And though his Country-men the Huns. 
 
 This custom of the Huns is describ'd by Ammianus Marcelltnus. Hunii 
 Semicruda cujusvis Pecoris came -vescuntur, quant inter femora sua (h' 
 equorum terga subsertam., fotu calefaciunt bre'vi. Pag. 686. 
 
 He spous'd in India 
 
 Of Noble House a Lady gay. 
 
 This story in Le Blanc, of a Bear that married a Kings Daughter, is no 
 more strange than many others in most Travellers, that pass with 
 allowance, for if they should write nothing but what is possible, or 
 probable, they might appear to have lost their labor, and observed 
 nothing, but what they might have done as well at home. 
 
 100
 
 ANNOTATIONS TO THE FIRST PART 
 
 They would not suffer the stout'st Dame 
 To swear by Hercules'?, Name. 
 
 The old Romans liad particular Oaths for Men and Women to swear by, 
 and therefore Macrobius says, Firi per Castorem non jiirabant antiquitus^ 
 nee Mulieres per Herciilem, jEdepol aiitem JHramtnttim erat tani rmdier'tbus 
 quam "viris commune^ &c. 
 
 As stout Arm'ula^ bold Thalestris. 
 
 Two formidable Women at Arms, in Romances, that were ciidgelPd into 
 Love by their Gallants. 
 
 Wore in their Hats like Wedding garters. 
 
 Some few days after the King had accus'd the Five Members of Treason 
 in the House of Commo[n]s ; great crouds of the Rabble came down to 
 fVestminster-Ha/l, with Printed Copies of the Protestation, ty"d in their 
 Hats like Favors. 
 
 Make that Sarcasmous scandal true ! 
 
 Abusive, or insulting had been better, but our Knight believ'd the Learned 
 Languages, more convenient to understand in, then his own Mother- 
 tongue. 
 
 And is indeed the self-same case 
 With theirs that swore t' Et c^steras. 
 
 The Convocation in one of the short Parliaments that usher'd in the long 
 one (as Dwarfs are wont to do Knights Errant) made an Oath to be 
 taken, by the Clergy, for observing of Canonical obedience ; in which 
 they injoyn'd their Brethren, out of the abundance of their Consciences, 
 to swear to Articles with is'c 
 
 Or the French League in which men vow'd 
 To fight to the last drop of Bloud. 
 
 The Holy League in France^ design'd and made for the Extirpation of the 
 Protestant Religion, was the Original, out of which the Solemn League 
 and Covenant here, was (with difference only of Circumstances) most 
 faithfully Transcrib'd. Nor did the success of both differ more than the 
 Intent and Purpose; for after the destru(5Hon of vast numbers of People 
 of all sorts, both ended with the Murthers of two Kings, whom they 
 had both sworn to defend: and as our Covenanters swore every ALin, 
 to run one before another in the way of Reformation, So did the French 
 in the Holy League, to fight to the last drop of Hloud. 
 
 lOI
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 First Trulla stav'd, and Ccrdon tail'd. 
 
 Staving and Tailing are terms of Art us'd in the Bcnr-Gardcn, and signifie 
 there only the parting of Dogs and Bean, though they are us'd 
 Metaphorically, in several other Professions, for moderating, as Law^, 
 Divinity, Hectoring, <Z?V. 
 
 Or like the late corrected Leathern 
 Ears of the Circumcised Brethren. 
 
 Pryn, Bastavyck, and Burton, who laid down their Ears as Proxies for 
 three Professions of the Godly Party, who not long after maintain'd 
 their Right and Title to the Pillory, to be as good and lawful, as theirs, 
 who first of all took possession of it in their Names. 
 
 By him that Baited the Popes Bull. 
 
 A Learned Divine in King yames's time wrote a Polemick Work against 
 the Pope, and gave it that unlucky Nick- Name, of The Popes Bull 
 Baited. 
 
 Canonical Crabat of Smec. 
 
 SmeBymnius was a Club of Parliamentary Holders-forth, The Characters 
 of whose Names and Talents were by themselves exprest, in that senseless 
 insignificant word; They wore Handkerchers about their Necks for a 
 Note of Distinction, (as the Officers of the Parliament Army then did) 
 which afterwards degenerated into Carnal Crabats. 
 
 And leave your Vitilitigation. 
 
 Vitilitigation is a word the Knight was passionately in love with, and never 
 fail'd to use it upon all possible occasions : and therefore to omit it, when 
 it fell in the way, had argu'd too great a Neglect of his Learning, and 
 Parts, though it means no more than a perverse humour of wrangling. 
 
 102
 
 HUDIBRAS. 
 
 T'he Second Vart, 
 
 By the Author of the First. 
 
 CORRECTED & AMENDED, 
 
 With 
 Several Additions and Annotations. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 Printed by T. N. for John Martyn and Henry 
 Herringman^ at the Bell in St. Pauls Church- 
 yard, and at the Anchor in the Lower 
 Wallc of the New Exchange, 1678.
 
 The Second PART of 
 
 HUDIBRAS. 
 
 The Argument of the first Canto. 
 
 The Knight being clapp'd by th'' heels in prison^ 
 
 The last unhappy Expedition^ 
 
 Love brings his Atlion on the Case^ 
 
 And lays it upon Hudibras. 
 
 H.OVJ he receives the Ladies visit^ 
 
 And cunningly sollicites his sute^ 
 
 IVhich she deferrs : yet on Parol^ 
 
 Redeems him from th"" Inchanted Hole, 
 
 ^ 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 BUt now t'observe Romantique method 
 Let rusty Steel a while be sheathed ; 
 And all those harsh and rugged sounds 
 Of Bastinado's, Cuts, and Wounds 
 Exchang'd to Love's more gentle stile, 
 To let our Reader breathe a while : 
 In which, that we may be as brief as 
 Is possible, by way of Preface. 
 Is't not enough to make one strange, 
 That some mens fancies should ne'er change ? 
 But make all people do, and say. 
 The same things still the self-same way: 
 Some Writers make all Ladies purloin'd, 
 
 105
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And Knights pursuing like a Whirlwind : 
 
 Others make all their Knights, in fits 
 
 Of Jealousie, to lose their wits ; 
 
 Till drawing blood o'th' Dames, like Witches, 
 
 Th' are forthwith cur'd of their Capriches. 
 
 Some always thrive in their Amours, 
 
 By pulling Plaisters off" their Sores ; 
 
 As Cripples do to get an Alms, 
 
 Just so do they, and win their Dames. 
 
 Some force whole Regions, in despight 
 
 O' Geography, to change their site : 
 
 Make former times shake hands with latter, 
 
 And that which was before, come after. 
 
 But those that write in Rhime, still make 
 
 The one Ferse for the others sake : 
 
 For, one for Sense, and one for Rhime, 
 
 I think's sufficient at one time. 
 
 But we forget in what sad plight 
 We lately left the Captiv'd Knight, 
 And pensive Squire both bruis'd in body. 
 And conjur'd into safe Custody : 
 Tir'd with Dispute, and speaking Latine, 
 As well as basting, and Bear-baiting ; 
 And desperate of any course, 
 To free himself by wit or force. 
 His onely Solace was. That now 
 His dog-bolt Fortune was so low : 
 That either it must quickly end, 
 Or turn about again, and mend : 
 In which he found th' event, no less, 
 Than other times beside his guess ; 
 There is a tall long-sided Dame, 
 (But wondrous light) ycleped Fame, 
 That like a thin Camelion Bourds 
 He[r] self on Air, and eats her words : 
 Upon her shoulders wings she wears, 
 Like Hanging-sleeves, lin'd through with Ears, 
 And Eies, and Tongues, as Poets list. 
 Made good by deep Mythologist. 
 With these, she through the Welkin flies, 
 
 I06
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO I 
 
 And sometimes carries Truth^ oft Lies ; 
 With Letters hung h'ke Eastern Pidgeons ; 
 And Mercuries of farthest Regions ; 
 Diurnah writ for Regulation 
 Of Lying, to inform the Nation : 
 And by their pubhck use to bring down 
 The rate of Whetstones in the Kingdom. 
 About her neck a Pacquet-T^/r/A', 
 Fraught with Advice, some fresh, some stale, 
 Of Men that walk'd when they were dead, 
 And Cows of Monsters brought to bed : 
 Of Hailstones big as Pullets Eggs, 
 And Puppies whelp'd with twice two legs : 
 A Blazing-Star seen in the IFest^ 
 By six or seven Men at least. 
 Two Trumpets she does sound at once, 
 But both of clean contrary tones. 
 But whether both with the same Wind, 
 Or one before, and one behind. 
 We know not ; only this can tell, 
 Th' one sounds vilely, th' other well. 
 And therefore vulgar Authors name 
 Th' one good, th' other Evil Fame. 
 This tatling Gossip knew too well, 
 What mischief Hudihras befel ; 
 And straight the spightful tidings bears. 
 Of all, to th' unkind Widows Ears. 
 Democritus ne'er laugh 'd so loud 
 To see Bauds carted through the crowd, 
 Or Funerals with stately Pomp, 
 March slowly on in solemn dump ; 
 As she laugh 'd out, until her back 
 As well as sides, was like to crack. 
 She vow'd she would go see the Sight, 
 And visit the distressed Knight^ 
 To do the Office of a Neighbor, 
 And be a Gossip at his Labor : 
 And from his wooden Jail the Stocks, 
 To set at large his Fetter-locks, 
 And by Exchange, Parole, or Ransome, 
 
 107
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 To free him from th' Inchanted Mansion. 
 
 This b'ing resolv'd, she call'd for hood 
 
 And Usher, Implements abroad, 
 
 Which Ladies wear, beside a slender 
 
 Young waiting Dannel to attend her. 
 
 All which appearing, on she went. 
 
 To find the Knight in Limbo pent : 
 
 And 'twas not long before she found 
 
 Him, and his stout Squire in the Pound ; 
 
 Both coupled in Inchanted Tether, 
 
 By further Leg behind together : 
 
 For as he sate upon his Rump, 
 
 His Head like one in doleful dump. 
 
 Between his knees, his hands apply'd 
 
 Unto his Ears on either side. 
 
 And by him, in another hole, 
 
 Affliaed Ralpho, Cheek by Joul ; 
 
 She came upon him in his wooden 
 
 Magicians Circle, on the sudden. 
 
 As Spirits do t' a Conjurer, 
 
 When in their dreadful shapes th' appear. 
 
 No sooner did the Knight perceive her. 
 
 But straight he fell into a Fever, 
 
 Inflam'd all over with disgrace. 
 
 To be seen by her in such a place ; 
 
 Which made him hang the head, and scowl. 
 
 And wink and goggle like an Owl, 
 
 He felt his Brains begin to swim. 
 
 When thus the Dame accosted him ; 
 
 This place (quoth she) they say's Inchanted, 
 
 And with Deli[n]quent Spirits haunted ; 
 
 That here are ty'd in Chains, and scourg'd. 
 
 Until their guilty Crimes be purg'd ; 
 
 Look, there are two of them appear 
 
 Like Persons I have seen somewhere : 
 
 Some have mistaken Blocks and Posts, 
 
 For Sped/res.^ ApparationSy Ghosts 
 
 With Sawcer-eyes, and Horns ; and some 
 
 Have heard the Devil beat a Drum ; 
 
 But if our Eyes are not false Glasses, 
 
 io8
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO I 
 
 That give a wrong account of Faces ; 
 That Beard and I should be acquainted, 
 Before 'twas conjur'd and inchanted. 
 For though it be disfigur'd somewhat, 
 As if't had lately been in Combat ; 
 It did belong t' a worthy Knight^ 
 Howe'er this Goblin is come by't. 
 
 When Hudihras the Lady heard 
 To take kind notice of his Beard^ 
 And speak with such respeft and honor. 
 Both of the Beardy and the Beard\ Owner, 
 He thought it best to set as good 
 A face upon it as he cou'd. 
 And thus he spoke ; Lady^ your bright 
 And radiant Eyes are in the right : 
 The Beard's th' Identique Beard you knew, 
 The same numerically true : 
 Nor is it worn by Fiend or Elf, 
 But its Proprietor himself. 
 
 Oh Heavens ! quoth she, can that be true ? 
 I do begin to fear 'tis you : 
 Not by your Individual Whiskers, 
 But by your Dialedt and Discourse ; 
 That never spoke to Man or Beast, 
 In notions vulgarly exprest. 
 But what malignant Star, alass, 
 Has brought you both to this sad pass ? 
 
 Quoth he, the fortune of the War, 
 Which I am less afflicted for, 
 Than to be seen with Beard and Face^ 
 By you, in such a homely case. 
 
 Quoth she. Those need not be asham'd, 
 For being honorably maim'd ; 
 If he that is in battel conquer'd, 
 Have any Title to his own Beard. 
 Though yours be sorely lugg'd and torn, 
 It does your visage more adorn. 
 Than if 'twere prun'd, and starch'd, and lander'd 
 And cut square by the Russian Standerd. 
 A toni Beards like a tatter'd Ensign, 
 
 109
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 That's bravest which there are most rents in. 
 That Petticoat about your Shoulders, 
 Does not so well become a Soldiers, 
 And I'm afraid they are worse handled. 
 Although i'th' reer, your Beard the Van led. 
 And those uneasie bruises make 
 My heart for company to ake, 
 To see so worshipful a friend 
 I'th' Pillory set, at the wrong end. 
 
 Quoth Hudihras^ This thing call'd Pain^ 
 Is (as the Learn'd Stoicks maintain) 
 Not bad shnpliciter^ nor good. 
 But merely as 'tis understood. 
 Sense is deceitful, and may faign, 
 As well in counterfeiting pain. 
 As other gross Fhienomena'%^ 
 In which it oft mistakes the Case. 
 But since th' immortal Intellect 
 (That's free from Error and Defedl, 
 Whose objedts still persist the same) 
 Is free from outward bruise or maim, 
 Which nought external can expose 
 To gross material bangs or blows : 
 It follows, we can ne'er be sure, 
 Whether we pain or not endure : 
 
 And just so far are sore and griev'd. 
 
 As by the Fancy is believ'd. 
 
 Some have been wounded with conceit, 
 
 And dy'd of mere opinion streight. 
 
 Others, though wounded sore in reason. 
 
 Felt nor contusion nor discretion. 
 
 A Saxon Duke did grow so fat, 
 
 That Mici\ (as Histories relate) 
 
 Eat Grots and Labyrinths to dwell in 
 
 His Postique parts, without his feeling ; 
 
 Then how is't possible a kick, 
 
 Should e'er reach that way to the quick ? 
 Quoth she, I grant it is in vain. 
 
 For one that's basted, to feel pain ; 
 
 Because the Pangs his bones ejidure. 
 
 110
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO I 
 
 Contribute nothing to the Cure : 
 Yet Honor hurt, is wont to rage 
 With Pain no Med'cine can assuage. 
 
 Quoth he. That Honor s very squeemish 
 That takes a basting for a blemish : 
 For what's more honorable than scars^ 
 Or skin to tatters rent in Wars? 
 Some have been beaten till they know 
 What Wood a CudgeTs of by th' blow ; 
 Some kick'd, until they can feel whether 
 A Shooe be Spanish or N eats-Leather : 
 And yet have met, after long running, 
 With some whom they have taught that cunning, 
 The furthest way about, t' o'ercome, 
 1' th' end does prove th' nearest home ; 
 By Laws of Learned Due/lists^ 
 They that are bruis'd with JFood^ or Fists, 
 And think one beating may for once 
 Suffice, are Cowards, and Pultroons : 
 But if they dare engage t' a second. 
 They're stout and gallant fellows reckon'd. 
 Th' old Romans, freedom did bestow ; 
 Our Princes worship, with a blow : 
 King Pyrrhus cur'd his splenetick 
 And testy Courtiers with a kick. 
 The Negus, when some mighty Lord, 
 Or Potentate''^ to be restor'd 
 And Pardon'd for some great offence 
 With which he's willing to dispence : 
 First has him laid upon his Belly, 
 Then beaten back, and side, t' a Jelly, 
 That done, he rises, humbly bows. 
 And gives thanks for the gracious blows ; 
 Departs not meanly proud, and boasting, 
 Of his magnificent Rib-roasting. 
 The beaten Soldier, proves most manful. 
 That like his Sword, endures the An vile : 
 And justly's held more formidable, 
 The more his Valor's malleable. 
 But he that fears a Bastinado, 
 
 III
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Will run away from his own shadow. 
 And though I'm now in duj-atice fast, 
 By our own Party basely cast, 
 Ronsome^ Exchange^ Parole^ refus'd. 
 And worse than by th' Enemy us'd ; 
 In close Catasta shut, past hope 
 Of TVit^ or Fa lor ^ to elope. 
 As Beards^ the nearer that they tend 
 To th' Earthy still grow more reverend : 
 And Cannons shoot the higher pitches. 
 The lower we let down their Breeches : 
 I'll make this low deje6led fate 
 Advance me to a greater height. 
 
 Quoth she, Y've almost made m' in Love 
 With that which did my pity move : 
 Great IVits^ and Valors^ like great States, 
 Do sometimes sink with their own weights : 
 The extreams of Glory, and of Sha?ne, 
 Like East and West, become the same : 
 No Indian Prince has to his Palace 
 More follow'rs than a Thief to th' Gallows. 
 But if a beating seem so brave, 
 What Glories must a whipping have ? 
 Such great Atchievements cannot fail. 
 To cast Salt on a JVo^nans Tail, 
 For if I thought your nafral Talent 
 Of Passive Courage, were so Gallant ; 
 As you strain hard to have it thought, 
 I could grow amorous, and dote. 
 
 When Hudibras this language heard. 
 He prick'd up's ears, and strok'd his Beard : 
 Thought he, this is the Lucky hour, 
 JVines work, when Fines are in the flower ; 
 This Crisis then I'll set my rest on. 
 And put her boldly to the ^lestion. 
 
 Madam, what you would seem to doubt. 
 Shall be to all the world made out, 
 How I've been Drubb'd, and with what Spirit, 
 And Magnanimity, I bear it ; 
 And if you doubt it to be true, 
 
 112
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO I 
 
 I'll stake my self down against you : 
 And if I fail in Love or Troth^ 
 Be you the IVinner^ and take both. 
 
 Quoth she, I've heard old cunning Siagen 
 Say, Fools for Arguments use wagers. 
 And though I prais'd your Valoy\ yet 
 I did not mean to baulk your IVit^ 
 Which if you have, you must needs know 
 What, I have told you before now, 
 And you b' experiment have prov'd, 
 I cannot Love where I'm belovd. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras^ 'tis a Caprich 
 Beyond th' infli£tion of a JVitch ; 
 So Cheats to play with those still aim. 
 That do not understand the Game. 
 Love in your heart as idly burns, 
 As Fire in antique Romnn-XJrnSy 
 To warm the Dead^ and vainly light 
 Those only, that see nothing by't. 
 Have you not power to entertain^ 
 And render Love for Love again ? 
 As no man can draw in his breathy 
 At once, and force out Air beneath ? 
 Or do you love your self so much, 
 To bear all Rivals else a Grutch ? 
 What Fate can lay a greater Curse, 
 Than you upon your self would force ; 
 For Wedlock without love^ some say. 
 Is but a Lock without a Key. 
 It is a kind of Rape to Marry 
 One, that negle6ls, or cares not for ye : 
 For, what does make it Ravishment^ 
 But b'ing against the Mind's Consent ? 
 A Rape, that is the more inhumane, 
 For being adled by a IVoman^ 
 Why are you /«/r, but to entice us 
 To love you, that you may despise us r 
 But though you cannot love^ you say, 
 Out of your own Fanaii/fie way, 
 Why should you not, at least, allow, 
 
 H 113
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Those that love you, to do so too : 
 For, as you fly me, and pursue 
 Love more averse, so I do you : 
 And am by your own DoFlrine taught, 
 To praftise what you call a fault. 
 
 Quoth she. If what you say be true, 
 You must fly me, as I do you, 
 But 'tis not what we do, but say. 
 In Love and Preachings that must sway. 
 
 Quoth he, to bid me not to love^ 
 Is to forbid my Puhe to move. 
 My Beard to grow, my Ears to prick up, 
 Or (when I'm in a fit) to hiclcup : 
 Command me to piss out the Moon, 
 And 'twill as easily be done. 
 Loves power's too great to be withstood 
 By feeble humane ^fl^esh and blood. 
 'Twas he, that brought upon his knees 
 The HeEfring Kill-Cow Hercules ; 
 Reduc'd his Leager-Uons skins 
 T' a Petticoat., and made him spin : 
 Seiz'd on his Club., and made it dwindle 
 T' a feeble Distaff\ and a Spindle. 
 'Twas he made Emperors Gallants 
 To their own Sisters^ and their jaunts ; 
 Set PopeSy and Cardinals agog 
 To play with Pages at Leap-frog ; 
 'Twas he that gave our Senate purges. 
 And fluxt the House of many a Burgess ; 
 Made those that represent the Nation 
 Submit, and sufi^er amputation : 
 And all the Grandees o' th' Cabal., 
 Adjourn to Tubs, at spring and fall. 
 He mounted Synod-men and rode 'em 
 To Durty-lane, and little Sodom ; 
 Made 'em Corvett, like Spanish Jenets, 
 
 And take the Ring at Madam 
 
 'Twas he that made Saint Francis do 
 
 More than the Devil could tempt him [to] ; 
 
 In cold and frosty weather grow 
 
 114
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO I 
 
 Enamor'd of a Wife of Stiow ; 
 
 And though she were of rigid temper, 
 
 With melting flames accost and tempt her : 
 
 Which after in enjoyment quenching, 
 
 He hung a Garland on his Engine. 
 
 Quoth she, if Love have these effe<5ls, 
 Why is it not forbid our Sex I" 
 Why is't not damn'd, and interdicted, 
 For Diabolical and wicked ? 
 And song, as out of tune, against, 
 As Turk and Pope are by the Saints ? 
 I find, I've greater reason for it. 
 Than I believ'd before t' abhor it. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras^ These sad efFefts 
 Spring from your Heathenish negle6ls 
 Of Love^ great pow'r, vv^hich he returns 
 Upon your selves v/ith equal scorns ; 
 And those who worthy Love^^rs^^ slight, 
 Plague's with prepost'rous appetite ; 
 This made the beautious ^een of Crete 
 To take a Town-Bull for her Sweet ; 
 And from her greatness stoop so low, 
 To be the Rival of a Cow. 
 Others to prostitute their great Hearts., 
 To be Baboons, and Monkeys Sweet-hearts. 
 Some with the Dev'l himself in League grow 
 By's Representative a Negro, 
 'Twas this made A^fj/oZ-Maids love-sick. 
 And venture to be bury'd Quick. 
 Some by their Fathers and their Brothers., 
 To be made Mistrisses, and Mothers : 
 'Tis this that Proudest Dames enamors 
 On Lacquies, and Varlets dcs-Chambres 
 Their haughty Stomachs overcomes, 
 And makes 'em stoop to Durty Grooms, 
 To slight the JVorld, and to disparage 
 Claps, Issue, Infamy, and Marriage. 
 
 Quoth she, these Judgements are severe. 
 Yet such, as I should rather bear. 
 Than trust men with their Oaths, or prove 
 
 H 2 
 
 '15
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Their fa'ith^ and secresle in /ove. 
 
 Says he, There is as weighty reason, 
 
 For Secresie in Lovt' as Treason. 
 
 Love is a Burglarer.^ a Felon^ 
 
 That at the JP^indore-eie does steal in 
 
 To rob the Hearty and with his prey 
 
 Steals out again a closer way, 
 
 Which whosoever can discover, 
 
 He's sure (as he deserves) to suffer. 
 
 Love is a fire, that burns and sparkles, 
 
 In Mcriy as nat'rally as in Char-coals^ 
 
 Which sooty Chymists stop in holes, 
 
 When out of Wood, they extraft Coles ; 
 
 So Lovers^ should their Passions choak, 
 
 That though they burn, they may not smoak. 
 
 'Tis like that sturdy Thief that stole, 
 
 And drag'd Beasts backwards, into's hole : 
 
 So Love does Lovers ; and us Men 
 
 Draws by the Tails into his Den ; 
 
 That no impression may discover. 
 
 And trace t' his Cave^ the wary Lover. 
 
 But if you doubt I should reveal 
 
 What you entrust me under Seal, 
 
 I'll prove my self as close and virtuous, 
 
 As, your own Secretary^ Albertus. 
 
 Quoth she, I grant you may be close 
 In hiding what your aims propose : 
 Love-Passions are like Parables., 
 By which men still mean something else : 
 Though Love be all the worlds pretence, 
 Mony's the Mythologic fence. 
 The real substance of the shadow. 
 Which all Address and Courtship's made to. 
 
 Thought he, I understand your Play., 
 And how to quit you your own way ; 
 He that will win his Dame., must do. 
 As Love do's, when he bends his Botu : 
 With the one hand thrust the Lady from, 
 And with the other pull her home. 
 I grant, quoth he, JVealth is a great 
 
 ii6
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO I 
 
 Provocative, to ani'rous heat ; 
 
 It is all Philters^ and high Diet 
 
 That makes Love Rampant, and to fly out : 
 
 'Tis Beauty always in the Flower, 
 
 That buds and blossoms at fourscore : 
 
 'Tis that by which the Sun and Moon^ 
 
 At their own weapons are out-done ; 
 
 That makes Knights Errant fall in trances, 
 
 And lay about 'em in Romances. 
 
 'Tis Virtue., Wit., and Worth., and all 
 
 That Men Divine and Sacred call. 
 
 For what is Worth in any thing, 
 
 But so much Money as 'twill bring ? 
 
 Or what but Riches is there known, 
 
 Which man can solely call his own j 
 
 In which, no Creature goes his half, 
 
 Unless it be to squint and laugh F 
 
 I do confess, with Goods and Land., 
 
 I'd have a Wife, at second hand ; 
 
 And such you are : Nor is't your person. 
 
 My stomach's set so sharp., and fierce on, 
 
 But 'tis (your better part) your Riches., 
 
 That my enamor'd heart bewitches ; 
 
 Let me your fortune but possess, 
 
 And settle your person how you please : 
 
 Or make it o'er in trust to th' Devil., 
 
 You'l find me reasonable and civil. 
 
 Quoth she, I like this plainness better 
 Than false Mock-Passion., Speech., or Letter., 
 Or any feat of qualm or sowning., 
 But hanging of your self, or drownings 
 Your onely way with me, to hreak 
 Your mind, is breaking of your Neck : 
 For as when Merchants break, o'erthrown 
 Like Nine-Pins., they strike others down ; 
 So, that would break my hearty which done. 
 My tempting fortune is your own. 
 These are but trifles, ev'ry Lover 
 Will damn himself, over and over, 
 And greater matters undertake, 
 
 117
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 For a less worthy Mistriss sake : 
 
 Yet th' are the onely ways to prove 
 
 The unfeign'd realities of Love ; 
 
 For he that hangs, or beats out's brains, 
 
 The Devi/s in him if he feigns. 
 
 Quoth Hudihras, this way's too rough, 
 For mere experiment^ and proof ; 
 It is no jesting, trivial matter. 
 To swing in th' Air, or plunge in Water, 
 And like a Water-witch, try love. 
 That's to destroy, and not to prove : 
 As if a man should be dissefted. 
 To find what part is disafFe6led : 
 Your better way is to make over, 
 In Trusty your fortune to your Lover ; 
 Trust is a Tryal^ if it break, 
 'Tis not so desp'rate as a Neck : 
 Beside, th' experiment^ more certain. 
 Men venture Necks to gain a Fortune ; 
 The Soldier do's it ev'ry day 
 (Eight to the week) for sixpence pay : 
 Your Pettifoggers damn their Souls, 
 To share with Knaves in Cheating Fools : 
 And Merchants vent'ring through the Main, 
 Slight Pirats, Rocks, and Horns for gain. 
 This is the way I advise you to, 
 Trust me, and see what I will do. 
 
 Quoth she, I should be loath to run 
 My self all th' hazard, and you none. 
 Which must be done, unless some deed 
 Of yours, aforesaid do precede ; 
 Give but your self one gentle swings 
 For tryal, and I'll cut the string: 
 Or give that Reverend Hcad^ a maul. 
 Or two, or three, against a Wall ; 
 To shew you arc a man of mettle. 
 And I'll engage my self, to settle. 
 
 Quoth he, my Head^s not made of />rass^ 
 As Frier Bacon % noddle was : 
 Nor (like the Indians scull) so tough, 
 
 ii8
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO I 
 
 That Authors say, 'twas Musket-proof : 
 As it had need to be to enter, 
 As yet, on any new Adventure ; 
 You see what bangs it has endur'd, 
 That would, before new feats^ be cur'd : 
 But if that's all you stand upon ; 
 Here, strike me luck^ it shall be done. 
 
 Quoth she. The matter's not so far gone 
 As you suppose, Two luords f a Bargain^ 
 That may be done, and time enough. 
 When you have given down-right proof: 
 And yet 'tis no Fantastick pike, 
 I have to love^ nor coy dislike ; 
 'Tis no implicite, nice Aversion 
 T' your Conversation^ Meen^ or Person : 
 But a just fear, lest you should prove. 
 False, and perfidious in Love ; 
 For if I thought you could be true^ 
 I could love twice as much as you. 
 
 Quoth he. My faith as Adamantine 
 As Chains of Destiny^ I'll maintain ; 
 True as Apollo ever spoke. 
 Or Oracle from heart of Oak. 
 And if you'll give my flame but vent, 
 Now in close hugger-mugger pent, 
 And shine upon me but benignly. 
 With that one, and that other Pigsny^ 
 The Sun and Day shall sooner part. 
 Than Love^ or you, shake off my heart. 
 The Sun that shall no more dispence 
 His own, but your bright influence ; 
 Fll carve your name on Barks of Trees ^ 
 With True-loves knots^ and Flourishes ; 
 That shall infuse eternal springs 
 And everlasting flourishing : 
 Drink every Letter on't, in Stum ; 
 And make it brisk Champaign become ; 
 Where e'er you tread, your foot shall set 
 The Pritnrose and the Violet ; 
 All Spices^ Perfumes^ and siveet Potvders^ 
 
 119
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Shall borrow from your breath their Oflors ; 
 
 Nature her Charter shall renew, 
 
 And take all lives of things from you ; 
 
 The IVorld depend upon your Eye^ 
 
 And when you frown upon it, die. 
 
 Only our loves shall still survive. 
 
 New Worlds and Natures to out-live ; 
 
 And, like to Heralds Moons, remain 
 
 All Crescents^ without change or wane. 
 
 Hold, hold, quoth she, no more of this, 
 Sir Knight., you take your aim amiss ; 
 For you will find it a hard Chapter., 
 To catch me with Poetique Rapture., 
 In which your Mastery of Jrt 
 Doth shew it self and not your Heart ; 
 Nor will you raise in mine combustion^ 
 By dint of high Heroick fustion : 
 She that with Poetry is won, 
 Is but a Desk to write upon ; 
 And what men say of her, they mean, 
 No more than that on which they lean. 
 Some with Jrahian Spices strive 
 To embalm her cruelly alive ; 
 Or season her, as French Cooks use 
 Their Haut-gusts., Buollies., or Raguits ; 
 Use her so barbarously ill. 
 To grind her Lips upon a Mill., 
 Until the Facet Doublet doth 
 Fit their Rhitnes rather than her mouth ; 
 Her mouth compar'd t' an Oyster's., with 
 A row of Pearl in't, stead of Teeth ; 
 Others, make Posies of her Cheeks^ 
 Where red., and whitest colors mix ; 
 In which the Lily., and the Rose 
 For Indian Lake, and Ceruse goes. 
 The Sun., and Moon., by her bright eyes, 
 Eclips'd, and darkn'd in the Skies ; 
 Are but Black-patches that she wears, 
 Cut into Suns^ and Moons., and Stars., 
 By which Astrologers., as well 
 
 120
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO I 
 
 As those in Heaven above, can tell 
 
 What strange Events they do foreshow 
 
 Unto her Under-world below. 
 
 Her Voice the Mustek of the Spheres^ 
 
 So loud it deafens mortal ears ; 
 
 As wise Philosophers have thought, 
 
 And that's the cause we hear it not. 
 
 This has been done by some, who those 
 
 Th' ador'd in Rhime^ would kick in Prose ; 
 
 And in those Ribbins would have hung, 
 
 Of which melodiously they sung. 
 
 That have the hard fate^ to write best 
 
 Of those still that deserve it least ; 
 
 It matters not, how false^ or forc'd^ 
 
 So the best things be said o' th' worst \ 
 
 It goes for nothing when 'tis sed, 
 
 Onely the Arrow's drawn to th' head, 
 
 Whether it be Swan or Goose 
 
 They level at : So Shepherds use 
 
 To set the same mark on the hip 
 
 Both of their sound and rotten Sheep. 
 
 For IVits that carry low or wide^ 
 
 Must be aim'd higher^ or beside., 
 
 The mark., which else they ne'er come nigh, 
 
 But when they take their aim awry. 
 
 But I do wonder you should chuse 
 
 This way t' attaque me with your Muse., 
 
 As one cut out to pass your tricks on. 
 
 With Fulhams of Poetic fitlion : 
 
 I rather hop'd, I should no more 
 
 Hear from you, o' th' Gallanting score : 
 
 For hard dry-bastings use to prove 
 
 The readiest Remedies of Love., 
 
 Next a dry-diet ; But if those fail, 
 
 Yet this uneasie Loop-hold ^ail 
 
 In which y' are hamper d by the fct-lock., 
 
 Cannot but put y' in mind of Wedlock : 
 
 Wedlock^ that's worse than any hole here. 
 
 If that may serve you for a Cooler ; 
 
 T' allay your Mettle., all agog 
 
 121
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Upon a fVife^ the heavi'r clog. 
 
 Nor rather thank your gentle Fate^ 
 
 That, for a bruis'd or broken Patt\ 
 
 Has freed you from those knobs ^ that grow 
 
 Much harder, on the Marry'd Brow : 
 
 But if no dread can cool your Courage, 
 
 From vent'ring on that Dragon^ Marriage ; 
 
 Yet give me ^lartcr^ and advance 
 
 To nobler aims, your Puissance : 
 
 Level at Beauty^ and at IVit^ 
 
 The fairest rnark is easiest hit. 
 
 Quoth Hudihras^ I'm before-hand 
 In that already, with your command : 
 For where does Beauty^ and high IVit^ 
 But in your Constellation^ meet ? 
 
 Quoth she, What does a Match imply. 
 But likeness and equality ? 
 I know you cannot think me fit. 
 To be th' Toke-fellow of your JFit : 
 Nor take one of so mean Deserts^ 
 To be the Partner of your Parts ; 
 A Grace^ which if I could believe, 
 I've not the conscience to receive. 
 
 That Conscience^ Quoth Hudihras^ 
 Is mis-inform'd ; I'll state the Case. 
 A man may be a Legal Donor 
 Of any thing whereof he's Owner ; 
 And may confer it where he lists, 
 r th' Judgment of all Casuists : 
 Then IVit^ and Parts^ and Falor may 
 Be ali'nated, and made away. 
 By those that are Proplr^ietors ; 
 As I may give or sell my Horse. 
 
 Quoth she, I grant the Case is true, 
 And proper 'twixt your Horse and you ; 
 But whether I may tah^ as well 
 As you mav give away, or sell ? 
 Buyers you know are bid beware •, 
 And worse than Thieves Receivers are. 
 How shall I answer Hue and Cry, 
 
 122
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO I 
 
 For a Roan-Geldings twelve hands high : 
 
 All spurr'd and switch'd, a Lock on's hoof, 
 
 A sorrel-mane ? can I bring proof, 
 
 Where, when, by whom, and what y' are sold for, 
 
 And in the open Market toll'd for ? 
 
 Or should I take you for a stray, 
 
 You must be kept a year and day 
 
 (Ere I can own you) here i' th' pound, 
 
 Where, if y' are sought, you may be found : 
 
 And in the mean time I must pay 
 
 For all your Provender and Hay. 
 
 Quoth he, It stands me much upon 
 T' enervate this ObjeSiion^ 
 And prove my self, by Topic clear. 
 No Geldings as you would infer. 
 Loss of FiriUt\_y''s] averr'd 
 To be the cause of loss of Beard^ 
 That does (like Embryo in the womb) 
 Abortive on the Chin become. 
 This first a Woman did invent. 
 In envy of Mam ornament. 
 Semiramis of Babylon^ 
 Who first of all cut men o' th' Stone : 
 To mar their Beards^ and laid foundation 
 Of Sow-geldering operation. 
 Look on this Beard^ and tell me whether, 
 Eunuchs [wear] such, or Geldings either. 
 Next it appears, I am no Horse, 
 That I can argue, and discourse, 
 Have but two legs^ and ne'er a tail. 
 
 Quoth she. That nothing will avail ; 
 For some Philosophers of late here. 
 Write, Men have four legs by Nature, 
 And that 'tis Custom makes them go 
 Erroneously upon but two ; 
 As 'twas in Germany made good, 
 B' a Boy, that lost himself in a Wood; 
 And growing down t' a man, was wont 
 With Wolves upon all four to hunt. 
 As for your reasons drawn from tayls, 
 
 123
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 We cannot say, they 'are true or false, 
 Till you explain your self, and show, 
 B' experiment, 'tis so or no. 
 
 Quoth he, If you'll join issue ont't, 
 I'll give you satisfa6tory account ; 
 So you will promise, if you lose, 
 Xo settle all, and be my Spouse, 
 
 That never will be done (quoth she) 
 To one that wants a Tayl^ by me : 
 P'or Tayls by Natures sure were meant. 
 As well as Beards^ for ornament : 
 And though the Vulgar count them homely. 
 In man or beast,, they are so comely. 
 So Gentee,, Allaniode^ and handsom, 
 I'll never marry wan that wants one: 
 And till you can demonstrate plain 
 You have one equal to your Mane,, 
 I'll be torn piece-meal by a Horse,, 
 Ere I'll take you for better or worse. 
 The Prince of Cambay^s daily food. 
 Is Jspe^ Basilisque,, and Toad,, 
 Which makes him have so strong a breath, 
 Each night he stinks a ^leen to death ; 
 Yet I shall rather lie in's Arms,, 
 Than yours, on any other tearms. 
 
 Quoth he, What Nature can afford, 
 I shall produce upon my word ; 
 And if she ever gave that boon 
 To man, I'll prove that I have one ; 
 I mean, by postulate Illation,, 
 When you shall offer just occasion ; 
 But since y' have yet deny'd to give 
 My Heart,, your Pris''nrr,, a Reprieve, 
 But made it sink down to my heel. 
 Let that at least your pity feel, 
 And for the sufferings of your Martyr,, 
 Give its poor Entertainer quarter ; 
 And by Discharge^ or Main-prise grant 
 Delivery from this base Restraint. 
 
 Quoth she, I grieve to see your Leg 
 
 124
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO I 
 
 Stuck in a hole here like a Peg^ 
 
 And if I knew which way to do't, 
 
 (Your Honor safe) I'd let you out. 
 
 That Dames by jail-del'ivery 
 
 Of Errant Knights have been set free, 
 
 When by Enchantment they have been, 
 
 And sometimes for it too, laid in ; 
 
 Is that which Knights are bound to do 
 
 By Order^ Oath^ and Honor too : 
 
 For what are they renown d and famous else 
 
 But aiding of distress'd Damosels ? 
 
 But for a Lady no ways Errant^ 
 
 To free a Knight^ we have no w[a]rrant 
 
 In any Authentical Romance^ 
 
 Or Classic Author yet of France : 
 
 And I'd be loath to have you break 
 
 An ancient Custom for a freak, 
 
 Or Innovation introduce 
 
 In place of things of antique use ; 
 
 To free your heels by any course. 
 
 That might b' unwholesome to your ^purs : 
 
 Which if I should consent unto, 
 
 It is not in my power to do ; 
 
 For 'tis a service must be done ye, 
 
 With solemn previous Ceremony. 
 
 Which always has been us'd t' untie 
 
 The Charms of those who here do lie ; 
 
 For as the Ancients heretofore 
 
 To Honor s Temple had no dore, 
 
 But that which thorough Virtue's lay ; 
 
 So, from this Dungeon^ there's no way 
 
 To honoured freedom.^ but by passing 
 
 That other Firtuous School of Lashings 
 
 Where Knights are kept in narrow lists. 
 
 With wooden Lockets 'bout their wrists. 
 
 In which they for a while are Tenants^ 
 
 And for their Ladies suffer Penance : 
 
 Whipping^ that's Virtues Governess, 
 
 Tutress of Arts and Sciences ; 
 
 Tl.r.'- mends the gross mistakes of Nature^ 
 
 125
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And puts new life into dull matter ; 
 That lays foundation for Renown^ 
 And all the honors of the Gown : 
 Thus suffer'd, they are set at large, 
 And f?-eed with honor'ble discharge : 
 Then in their Rohes the Penitentiah, 
 Are straight presented with Credentiah^ 
 And in their way attended on 
 By Magistrates of every Town j 
 And all respe6l and charges paid, 
 They're to their ancient ^eats convey 'd. 
 Now if you'll venture for my sake, 
 To try the toughness of your back^ 
 And suffer (as the rest have done) 
 The laying of a Whipping on, 
 (And may you prosper in your suit, 
 As you with equal vigor do't) 
 I here engage to be your Bail, 
 And free you from th' Unknightly Jail. 
 But since our Sex's modesty 
 Will not allow I should be by. 
 Bring me on Oath^ a fair account, 
 And honor too, when you have don't ; 
 And I'll admit you to the place. 
 You claim as due in my good grace. 
 If Matrimony and Hanging go 
 By Destiny, why not Whipping too ? 
 What med'cine else can cure the fits 
 Of Lovers when they lose their Wits ? 
 Love is a Boy^ by Poets styl'd. 
 Then Spare the Rocl^ and spill the Child. 
 A Persian Emp'ror whipp'd his Grannum 
 The Sea, his Mother Fenus came on j 
 And hence some Rev'rend men approve 
 Of Rosemary in making Love. 
 As skilful Coopers hoop their Tubs 
 With Lydian and with Phrygian Dubs ; 
 Why may not Whipping have as good 
 A Grace, perform'd in Time and Mood ; 
 With comely movement, and by yfr/, 
 
 126
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO I 
 
 Raise Passion in a Ladfs heart ? 
 
 It is an easier way, to make 
 
 Love by, than that which many take. 
 
 Who would not rather suffer Whipping^ 
 
 Than swallow Toasts of bits of R'lbbin ? 
 
 Make wicked Ferses^ Treats^ and Faces^ 
 
 And spell Names over, with Beer-glasses ? 
 
 Be under Vows to hang and die 
 
 Loves Sacrifice, and all a lie ? 
 
 With China-Oranges and Tarts^ 
 
 And whining Plays^ lay baits for Hearts ? 
 
 Bribe Chamber-maids with love and money^ 
 
 To break no Roguish jeasts upon ye ; 
 
 For Lilies limn'd on Cheeks^ and Roses, 
 
 With painted perfumes, hazard Noses ? 
 
 Or vent'ring to be brisk and wanton, 
 
 Do Penance in a Paper Lanthorn ? 
 
 All this you may compound for, now 
 
 By suff'ring what I offer you : 
 
 Which is no more than has been done. 
 
 By Knights for Ladies long agone : 
 
 Did not the Great La Mancha do so, 
 
 For the Infanta Del Taboso ? 
 
 Did not th' Illustrious Bassa make 
 
 Himself a Slave for Missels sake ? 
 
 And with Bulls Pizle, for her tove^ 
 
 Was taw'd as gentle as a Glove ? 
 
 Was not young Florio sent (to cool 
 
 His flame from Biancajiore) to School, 
 
 Where Pedant made his Pathick Bum 
 
 For her sake suffer Martyrdom ? 
 
 Did not a certain Lady whip. 
 
 Of late, her Husband's own Lordship ? 
 
 And though a Grandee of the House^ 
 
 Clawd him with Fundamental blows, 
 
 Ty'd him stark-naked to a Bed-post, 
 
 And firk'd his hide as if sh' had rid post ; 
 
 And after in the Sessions-Court^ 
 
 Where IVhipping's judg'd, had honor for't ? 
 
 This swear you will perform, and then 
 
 127
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 I'll set you from th' Inchanted Den^ 
 And the Magician Circle clear. 
 
 Quoth he, I do profess and swear^ 
 And will perform what you enjoyn, 
 Or may I never see you ?tiine. 
 
 Amen (quoth she) Then turn'd about, 
 And bid her Squire let him out. 
 But ere an Artist could be found 
 T' undo the Charms another bound, 
 The Sun grew low, and left the Skies, 
 Put down (some write) by Ladies eyes. 
 The Moon pull'd off her veil of Light, 
 That hides her face by day from sight, 
 (Mysterious Veil, of brightness made, 
 That's both her lustre, and her shade) 
 And in the Night as freely shon, 
 As if her Rays had been her own : 
 For Darkness is the proper Sphere, 
 Where all false Glories use t' appear. 
 The twinkling Stars began to muster. 
 And glitter with their borrow'd luster, 
 While Sleep the weary'd World reliev'd, 
 By counterfeiting Death reviv'd. 
 Our f^ot'ry thought it best t' adjorn 
 His fVhipping-pemnce. till the morn. 
 And not to carry on a Work 
 Of such importance^ in the Dark, 
 With erring haste, but rather stay, 
 And do't i' th' open face of Day ; 
 And in the mean time, go in quest 
 Of next Retreat to take his Rest. 
 
 128
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO II 
 
 CANTO II. 
 
 THE 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 The Knight and Squire in hot Dispute^ 
 
 JVithin an Ace of falling out ; 
 
 jire parted with a sudden fright 
 
 Of strange Alarm^ and stranger Sight ; 
 
 IVith which adventuring to stickle^ 
 
 They Vf sent away in nasty pickle. 
 
 "T~^Is strange how some men's Tempers suit 
 
 JL (Like Bawd and Brandee) with Dispute, 
 That for their own Opinions stand fast, 
 Only to have them claw'd and canvast. 
 That kept their Consciences in Cases, 
 As Fidlers do their Crowds and Bases, 
 Ne'er to be us'd but when they're bent 
 To play a fit for Argument. 
 Make true and false, unjust and just, 
 Of no use but to be discust. 
 Dispute and set a Paradox, 
 Like a strait Boot upon the Stocks, 
 And stretch it more unmercifully. 
 Than Helmont, Mountaign, JVhite, or Tully. 
 So th' antient Stoicks in their Porch, 
 With fierce dispute maintain'd their Church, 
 Beat out their Brains in fight and study, 
 
 I 129
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 To prove that Virtue is a Body^ 
 
 That Bonum is an Animal^ 
 
 Made good with stout Polem'ique Braul : 
 
 In which, some hundreds on the place 
 
 Were slain outright, and many a face 
 
 Retrench'd of Nose^ and EyeSy and Beard, 
 
 To maintain what their Se(^ averr'd. 
 
 All which the Knight and Squire in wrath 
 
 Had like t' have suffer'd for their faith ; 
 
 Each striving to make good his own, 
 
 As by the sequel shall be shown. 
 
 The Sun had long since in the Lap 
 
 Of Thetis, taken out his Nap, 
 
 And like a Lobster boyl'd, the Morn 
 
 Yrom black to red began to turn. 
 
 When Hudlhras, whom thoughts and akin^ 
 'Twixt sleeping kept all night, and waking, 
 Began to rouse his drousie eyes. 
 And from his Couch prepar'd to rise ; 
 Resolving to dispatch the Deed 
 He vow'd to do, with trusty speed. 
 But first, with knocking loud and hauling. 
 He rous'd the Squire, in Truckle lolling, 
 And, after many Circumstances, 
 Which vulgar Authors in Romances, 
 Do use to spend their time and wits on, 
 To make impertinent Description ; 
 They got (with much ado) to Horse, 
 And to the Castle bent their Course, 
 In which he to the Dame before 
 To suffer whipping Duty swore : 
 Where now arriv'd, and half unharnest. 
 To carry on the work in earnest, 
 He stopp'd and paus'd upon the sudden. 
 And with a serious forehead plodding. 
 Sprung a new Scruple in his head, 
 Which first he scratch'd and after sed ; 
 Whether it be dire6t infringing 
 An Oath, if I should wave this swinging. 
 And what I've sworn to bear, forbear. 
 
 130
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO II 
 
 And so b' Equivocation swear ; 
 
 Or whether 't be a lesser Sin^ 
 
 To be forsworn, than a6l the thing, 
 
 Are deep and subtle points^ which must, 
 
 T' inform my Conscience, be discust. 
 
 In which to err a little, may 
 
 To erron infinite make way : 
 
 And therefore I desire to know 
 
 Thy yudgment^ ere we farther go. 
 
 Quoth Ralpho^ since you do injoin't 
 I shall enlarge upon the Point. 
 And for my own part do not doubt 
 Th' Affirmative may be made out. 
 But first to state the Case aright. 
 For best advantage of our light : 
 And thus 'tis : Whether 't be [a] 5/«, 
 To claw and curry your own skin 
 Greater, or less, than to forbear. 
 And that you are forsworn, forswear. 
 But first, o' th' first : The Inward Man^ 
 And Outward^ like a Clan and Clan^ 
 Have always been at Daggers-drawing, 
 And one another Clapper-clawing : 
 Not that they really cuff or fence. 
 But in a Spiritual Mistique sence. 
 Which to mistake, and make 'em squabble. 
 In literal fray, 's abhominable ; 
 'Tis Heathenish, in frequent use. 
 With Pagans^ and J post ate "Jews, 
 To offer Sacrifice of Bridewels : 
 Like modern Indians to their Idols, 
 And mungrel Christians of our times. 
 That expiate less with greater Crimes, 
 And call the foul Jbhomination, 
 Contrition, and Mortification. 
 Is't not enough w're bruis'd and kicked, 
 With sinful members of the wicked ; 
 Our Vessels, that are san5iifi\l, 
 Profati'd and curri'd, back and side ; 
 But we must claw our selves, with shamefiil, 
 
 I 2 
 
 31
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And Heathen stripes, by their example ? 
 
 Which (were there nothing to forbid it) 
 
 Is impious because they did it. 
 
 This therefore may be justly reckon'd 
 
 A heinous sin. Now to the second, 
 
 That Saints may claim a Dispensation 
 
 To swear and forswear on occasion ; 
 
 I doubt not, but it will appear. 
 
 With pregnant light. The point is clear. 
 
 Oaths are but words, and words but wind^ 
 
 Too feeble implements to hind \ 
 
 And hold with deeds proportion, so 
 
 As shadows to a substance do. 
 
 Then when they strive for place, 'tis fit 
 
 The weaker Vessel should submit : 
 
 Although your Church be opposite 
 
 To ours, as Black Friers are to White, 
 
 In Rule and Order: Yet I grant 
 
 You are a Keformado Saint ; 
 
 And what the Saints do claim as due, 
 
 You may pretend a Title to : 
 
 But Saints, whom Oaths or Fows oblige, 
 
 Know little of their Privi ledge ; 
 
 Farther (I mean) than carrying on 
 
 Some self-advantage of their own. 
 
 For if the Dev'l, to serve his turn. 
 
 Can tell Truth \ why the Saints should scorn 
 
 When it serves theirs, to swear, and lie, 
 
 I think, there's little reason why : 
 
 Else h' has a greater pow'r than they, 
 
 Which 'twere impiety to say. 
 
 W' are not commanded to forbear, 
 
 Indefinitely, at all to swear. 
 
 But to swear idly; and in vain, 
 
 Without self-interest or gain. 
 
 For, breaking of an Oath, and Lying, 
 
 Is but a kind of Self-denying, 
 
 A Saint-like virtue, and from hence, 
 
 Some have broke Oaths by Providence : 
 
 Some, to the Glory of the Lord, 
 
 132
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO II 
 
 Perjurd themselves, and broke their word : 
 
 And this, the constant Rule and PraSiise 
 
 Of all our late Apostles A Sis is. 
 
 Was not the Cause at first begun 
 
 With Perjury^ and carry 'd on ? 
 
 Was there an Oath the Godly took, 
 
 But, in due time and place, they broke ? 
 
 Did we not bring our Oaths in first, 
 
 Before our Plate, to have them burst. 
 
 And cast in fitter models, for 
 
 The present use of Church and tVar ? 
 
 Did not our Worthies of the House, 
 
 Before they broke the Peace, break Vows P 
 
 For having freed us, first, from both 
 
 Th' Allegiance and Supremacy Oath ; 
 
 Did they not, next, compel! the Nation, 
 
 To take, and break the Protestation ? 
 
 To swear, and after to recant 
 
 The Solemn League and Covenant ? 
 
 To take th' Engagement, and disclaim it, 
 
 Enforc'd by those, who first did frame it ? 
 
 Did they not swear at first, to fight 
 
 For the KING's Safety, and His Right ? 
 
 And after march'd to find him out. 
 
 And charg'd him home with Horse and Foot ? 
 
 And yet still had the confidence. 
 
 To swear it was in his defence P 
 
 Did they not swear to live and die 
 
 With Essex, and streight laid him by ? 
 
 If that were all, for some have swore 
 
 As false as they, if th' did no more. 
 
 Did they not swear to maintain Law, 
 
 In which that swearing made a Flaw ? 
 
 For Protestant Religion Vow, 
 
 That did that Vowing disallow ? 
 
 For Priviledge of Parliament, 
 
 In which that swearing made a Rent ? 
 
 And, since, of all the three, not one 
 
 Is left in being, 'tis well known. 
 
 Did they not siuear, in express words ; 
 
 '33
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 To prop and back the House of Lords ? 
 And after turn'd out the whole House-ful 
 Of Peersy as dang'rous, and unuseful ? 
 So Cromwel with deep Oaths and Fows^ 
 Swore all the Comfnons out o' th' House^ 
 Vow'd that the Red-coats would disband, 
 I marry would they at their Command. 
 And troul'd'em on, and swore^ and swore^ 
 Till th' A7-my turn'd 'em out of Door ; 
 This tells us plainly, what they thought, 
 That Oaths and swearing goes for nought. 
 And that by them th' were onely meant. 
 To serve for an Expedient. 
 What was the Publick Faith found out for, 
 But to slur men of what they fought for ? 
 The Publick Faithj which ev'ry one 
 Is bound t' observe, yet kept by none ; 
 And if that go for nothing, why 
 Should Private Faith have such a tye ? 
 
 Oaths were not purpos'd more than Law, 
 To keep the Good and jfust in aw, 
 But to confine the Bad and Sinful, 
 Like Moral Cattle in a Pinfold. 
 A Saint's of th' heavenly Realm a Peer: 
 And as no Peer is bound to swear, 
 But on the Gospel of his Honor, 
 Of which he may dispose, as Owner ; 
 It follows, though the thing be forgery. 
 And false, th' affirm, it is no perjuty, 
 But a mere Ceremony, and a breach 
 Of nothing, but a form of speech. 
 And goes for no more when 'tis took. 
 Than mere saluting of the Book. 
 Suppose the Scriptures are of force. 
 They 're but Commissions of Course, 
 And Saints have freedom to digress, 
 And vary from 'em as they please ; 
 Or misinterpret them, by private 
 Instrut^lions, to all Jims they drive at. 
 Then why should we our selves abridge 
 
 ^34
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO II 
 
 And Curtail our own Priviledge ? 
 
 fakers (that like to Lanthorm^ bear 
 
 Their light within 'em) will not swear. 
 
 Their Gospel is an Accidence^ 
 
 By which they construe Conscience^ 
 
 And hold no sin so deeply red^ 
 
 As that of breaking Priscian's head ; 
 
 (The Head and Founder of their Order ^ 
 
 That stirring Hats held worse than murder) 
 
 These thinking th' are obliged to Troib 
 
 In swearings will not take an Oath ; 
 
 Like Mules, who if th' have not their will 
 
 To keep their own pace, stand stock still ; 
 
 But they are weak, and little know 
 
 What Free-born Consciences may do, 
 
 'Tis the temptation of the Devil, 
 
 That makes all humane adtions evil : 
 
 For Saints may do the same things by 
 
 The Spirit, in Syncerity, 
 
 Which other men are tempted to, 
 
 And at the Devils instance do ; 
 
 And yet the Aftions be contrary, 
 
 Just as the Saints and Wicked vary. 
 
 For as on land there is no Beast, 
 
 But in some Fish at Sea's exprest 5 
 
 So in the Wicked there's no Vice, 
 
 Of which the Saiyits have not a spice ; 
 
 And yet that thing that's pious in 
 
 The one, in th' other is a Sin. 
 
 Is't not Ridiculous, and Nonsence, 
 
 A Saint should be a slave to Conscience? 
 
 That ought to be above such Fancies, 
 
 As far, as above Ordinances, 
 
 She's of the Wicked, as I guess, 
 
 B' her looks, her language, and her dress, 
 
 And though, like Constables, we search 
 
 For false Wares, one anothers Church : 
 
 Yet all of us hold this for true, 
 
 No Faith is to the wicked due ; 
 
 For Truth is Precious and Divine, 
 
 135
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Too rich a Pea}-/ for Carnal Swine. 
 
 Quoth Hudibr[a']s^ All this is true, 
 Yet 'tis not fit that all men knew 
 Those Mysteries and Revelations ; 
 And therefore Topical Evasions 
 Of subtle Turns^ and Shifts of sence, 
 Serve best with th' Wicked for pretence, 
 Such as the learned ^Jesuits use, 
 And Presbyterians^ for excuse, 
 Against the Protestants^ when th' happen 
 To find their Churches taken napping. 
 As thus : A breach of Oath is Duple. 
 And either way admits a scruple^ 
 And may be ex parte of the Maker ^ 
 More criminal, than the injur'd Taker. 
 For he that strains too far a VoWy 
 Will break it like an o'er-bent Bow : 
 And he that made, and forc'd it, broke it, 
 Not he that for convenience took it : 
 A broken Oath is, quatenus Oath^ 
 As sound t' all purposes of Troth., 
 As broken Laws are ne'er the worse. 
 Nay till th' are broken, have no force. 
 What's Justice to a man, or Laws, 
 That never comes within their Claws ? 
 They have no pow'r, but to admonish, 
 Cannot controul, coerce, or punish, 
 Until they 're broken, and then touch 
 Those only that do make them such. 
 Beside, no Engagement is allow'd, 
 By men in Prison made, for Good ; 
 For when they 're set at liberty^ 
 They 're from th' Engagement too, set free 
 The Rabbins write, when any Jew 
 Did make to God, or Man, a Vow, 
 Which afterward he found untoward. 
 And stubborn to be kept, or too hard ; 
 Any three other Jews o' th' Nation, 
 Might free him from the Obligation : 
 And have not two Saints pow'r to use, 
 
 136
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO II 
 
 A greater Priviledge than three Jews ? 
 
 The Court of Cons\_c']iencey which in Man 
 
 Should be supream and Soveraign : 
 
 Is't fit, should be subordinate^ 
 
 To ev'ry petty Court i' th' State, 
 
 And have less Power than the lesser^ 
 
 To deal with Perjury at pleasure ? 
 
 Have it's proceedings disallow 'd, or 
 
 AUow'd, at fancy of Py-powder ? 
 
 Tell all it does, or does not know, 
 
 For swearing ex Officio ? 
 
 Be forc'd t' impeach a broken hedge. 
 
 And Pigs unring'd at Vis. Franc. Pledge. 
 
 Discover Thievees^ and Bawds^ Recusants^ 
 
 Priests^ Witches^ Eves-droppers., and Nusance ; 
 
 Tell who did play at Games unlawful. 
 
 And who fill'd Pots of Ale but half full. 
 
 And have no pow'r at all, nor shift, 
 
 To help it self at a dead lift ? 
 
 Why should not Conscience have Vacation 
 
 As well as other Courts o' th' Nation ? 
 
 Have equal power to adjourn 
 
 Appoint Appearance and Retorn ? 
 
 And make as nice distinitions serve 
 
 To split a Case ; as those that carve 
 
 Invoking Cuckolds names, hit joints. 
 
 Why should not tricks as slight, do points ? 
 
 Is not the High-Court of "Justice sworn 
 
 To judge that Law that serves their turn ? 
 
 Make their own Jealousies High-Treason, 
 
 And fix 'em whomsoe'er they please on ? 
 
 Cannot the Learned Councel there, 
 
 Make Laws in any shape appear ? 
 
 Mould 'em as Witches do their Clay, 
 
 When they make Pi^ures to destroy ? 
 
 And vex 'em into any form. 
 
 That fits their purpose to do harm ? 
 
 Rack 'em until they do confess. 
 
 Impeach of Treason, whom they please. 
 
 And most perfidiously condemn. 
 
 '37
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Those that engag'd their Lives for them ? 
 
 And yet do nothing in their own sense, 
 
 But what they ought by Onth and Conscience! 
 
 Can they not juggle, and, with slight 
 
 Conveyance, play with wrong and right ; 
 
 And sell their blasts of wind as dear, 
 
 As Lapland Witches botl'd Jirf 
 
 Will not Fear^ Favor^ Bribe, and Grutchy 
 
 The same Case sev'ral ways adjudge ; 
 
 As Seamen with the self-same Gale 
 
 Will sev'ral different courses sail ; 
 
 As when the Sea breaks o'er its bounds, 
 
 And overflows the level grounds ; 
 
 Those Banks and Dams, that like a Screen, 
 
 Did keep it out, now keep it in : 
 
 So when Tyrannical Usurpation 
 
 Invades the freedom of a Nation, 
 
 The Laws o' th' Land that were intended 
 
 To keep it out, are made defend it. 
 
 Do's not in Chancery ev'ry man swear. 
 
 What makes best for him in his Answer ? 
 
 Is not the winding up JFitnesses, 
 
 And nicking more than half the bus'ness ? 
 
 For JFitnesses, like IFatches, go 
 
 Just as they're set, too fast or slow. 
 
 And where in Conscience, th' are strait lac'd ; 
 
 'Tis ten to one, that side is cast. 
 
 Do not your Juries give their J^erdici 
 
 As if they felt the Cause not heard it } 
 
 And as they please make Matter of Fa£i 
 
 Run all on one side, as th' are packt ? 
 
 Nature has made Mans breast no Tl^indores, 
 
 To publish what he does within doors ; 
 
 Nor what dark secrets there inhabit. 
 
 Unless his own rash folly blob it. 
 
 If Oaths can do a man no good. 
 
 In his own bus'ness, why they shou'd 
 
 In other matters do him hurt, 
 
 I think there's little reason for't. 
 
 He that imposes an Oath, makes it, 
 
 138
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO II 
 
 Not he, that for convenience takes it : 
 
 Then how can any man be said 
 
 To break an Oath he never made ? 
 
 These Reasons may perhaps look odly 
 
 To th' Wicked^ though they evince the Godly ; 
 
 But if they will not serve to clear 
 
 My Honor^ I am ne'er the near. 
 
 Honor is like that glassy Bubble 
 
 That finds Philosophers such trouble, 
 
 Whose least part crackt, the whole does fly. 
 
 And IV its are crack'd, to find out why. 
 
 Quoth Ralpho^ Honor's but a Word, 
 To swear by only, in a Lord: 
 In other men 'tis but a HufF, 
 To vapour with, instead of proof, 
 That like a IVen^ looks big, and swels. 
 Is sensless, and just nothing else. 
 
 Let it (quoth he) be what it will, 
 It has the JVorld^s opinion still. 
 But as Men are not Wise that run 
 The slightest hazard^ they may shun : 
 There may a Medium be found out 
 To clear to all the World the doubt ; 
 And that is, if a man may do't 
 By Proxy whipt, or Substitute. 
 
 Though nice, and dark the Point appear, 
 (Quoth Ralph) it may hold up and clear. 
 That Sinners may supply the place 
 Of suff'ring Saints is a plain Case. 
 "Justice gives Sentence., many times. 
 On one man for another's Crimes, 
 Our Brethren of Netu-England use 
 Choice Malefatlors to excuse. 
 And hang the Guiltless in their stead. 
 Of whom the Churches have less need. 
 As lately 't happen'd : in a Town, 
 There liv'd a Cobler, and but one. 
 That out of Doiirine could cut Use, 
 And mend mens Lives as well as Shooes, 
 This precious Brother having slain, 
 
 »39
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 In times of Peace, an Indian, 
 (Not out of Malice but mere Zeal 
 Because he was an Infidel) 
 The mighty Tottipottymoy 
 Sent to our Elders an Envoy, 
 Complaining sorely of the Breach, 
 Of League, held forth by Brother Patch, 
 Against the Articles in force 
 Between both Churches, his and ours : 
 For which he crav'd the Saints to render 
 Into his hands, or hang th' Offmder : 
 But they maturely having weigh'd, 
 They had no more but him o' th' Trade, 
 (A man, that serv'd them in a double 
 Capacity, to Teach, and Cobble) 
 Resolv'd to spare him, yet to do 
 The Indian Hoghan Moghan too 
 Impartial justice, in his stead did 
 Hang an old Weaver that was Bed-rid. 
 Then wherefore may not you be skip'd. 
 And in your room another whip'd: 
 For all Philosophers, but the Sceptick, 
 Hold Whipping may be Sympathetick. 
 
 It is enough. Quoth Hudibras, 
 Thou hast resolv'd, and clear'd the Case, 
 And canst in Conscience, not refuse. 
 From thy own Doctrine, to raise Use : 
 I know thou wilt not (for my sake) 
 Be tender-Conscienc'd of thy back : 
 Then strip thee of thy Carnal Jerkin, 
 And give thy outward-fellow a ferking. 
 For when thy Vessel, is new hoofd. 
 All Leaks of sinning will be stop'd. 
 
 Quoth Ralpho, You mistake the matter, 
 For in all Scruples of this Nature, 
 No man includes himself, nor turns 
 The Point upon his own Concerns. 
 As no man of his own self catches 
 The Itch, or amorous French aches : 
 So no man does himself convince 
 
 140
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO II 
 
 By his own DoSlrine of his ^ins. 
 
 And though all cry down ^elf^ none means 
 
 His own self in a literal Sense. 
 
 Beside, it is not only Foppish^ 
 
 But File^ Idolatrous^ and Popishy 
 
 For one man, out of his own Skin, 
 
 To frisk and whip another's Sin : 
 
 As Pedants out of School-boys breeches, 
 
 Do claw and curry their own Itches. 
 
 But in this Case it is profane. 
 
 And sinful too, because in vain : 
 
 For we must take our Oaths upon it. 
 
 You did the deed^ when 1 have done it. 
 
 Quoth HudibraSy That's answer'd soon ; 
 Give us the Whip^ we'll lay it on. 
 
 Quoth Ralphoy That we may swear true, 
 'Twere properer that I whip'd you : 
 For when with your consent 'tis done. 
 The A Si is really your own. 
 
 Quoth HudibraSy It is in vain 
 (I see) to argue 'gainst the grain ; 
 Or, like the Stars, incline men to. 
 What they're averse themselves to do. 
 For when Disputes are weari'd out, 
 'Tis Interest still resolves the doubt. 
 But since no reason can confute ye, 
 I'll try to force you to your Duty ; 
 For so it is, how e'er you mince it, 
 As ere we part I shall evince it ; 
 And curry (if you stand out) whether 
 You will or no, your stubborn Leather. 
 Canst thou refuse to bear thy part, 
 I' [th'] publick IVorky base as thou art ? 
 To higgle thus, for a few blows, 
 To gain thy Knight an opulent Spouse ? 
 Whose wealth his bowels yern to purchase, 
 Merely for th' Interest of the Churches ; 
 And when he has it in his claws. 
 Will not be hide-bound to the Cause ; 
 Nor shalt thou find him a Curfnudgin^ 
 
 141
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 If thou dispatch it without grudging : 
 
 If not, resolve before we go, 
 
 That you and I must pull a Crow. 
 
 Y' had best (quoth Ralpho) as the Antients 
 Say wisely, Have a care o' th' main chance^ 
 And look before you ere you leap ; 
 For^ as you sow^ you are like to reap. 
 And were y' as good as George a Green, 
 I shall make bold to turn agen ; 
 Nor am I doubtfiil of the Issue 
 In a just parrel; and mine is so. 
 Is't fitting for a man of Honor, 
 To whip the Saints like Bishop Bonner, 
 A Knight t' usurp the Beadles Office, 
 For which y' are like to raise brave Trophies : 
 But I advise you (not for fear. 
 But for your own sake) to forbear. 
 And for the Churches, which may chance 
 From hence, to spring a variance ; 
 And raise among themselves new Scruples, 
 Whom common danger hardly couples. 
 Remember how in Arms and Politicks, 
 We still have worsted all your holy Tricks, 
 Trappand your party with Intregue, 
 And took your Grandees down a peg, 
 New-modeWd th' Army, and Cashier d 
 All that to Legion SM EC adher'd. 
 Made a mere Utensil o' your Church 
 And after left it in the lurch, 
 A Scaffold to build up our own, 
 And when w' had done with't, pull'd it down. 
 O'er-reach'd your Rabbins of the Synod 
 And snap'd their Cannons with a JVhy-not. 
 (Grave Synod-inen that were rever'd 
 For solid Face and depth of Beard) 
 Their Classique-model prov'd a Maggot, 
 Their Directory an Indian Pagod. 
 And drown'd their Discipline like a Kitten, 
 On which th' had been so long a sitting ; 
 Decry'd it as a Holy Cheat, 
 
 142
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO TI 
 
 Grown out of Date, and Obsolete, 
 And all the Saints o' the first Grass, 
 As Casting Foles of Balams Ass. 
 
 At this the Knight grew high in Chafe, 
 And staring furiously on Ralph^ 
 He trembl'd and lookt pale with Ire, 
 Like Ashes first, then Red as Fire. 
 Have I (quoth he) been ta'en in fight, 
 And for so many Moons lay'n by't ; 
 And when all other means did fail, 
 Have been exchang'd for Tubs of Ale : 
 Not but they thought me worth a Ransom, 
 Much more considerable and handsom, 
 But for their own sakes, and for fear. 
 They were not safe, when I was there ? 
 Now to be baffl'd by a Scoundrel, 
 An upstart Setfry and a Mungrel, 
 Such as breed out of peccant humors 
 Of our own Church, like Wens, and Tumors 
 And like a Maggot in a Sore, 
 Would that which gave it life, devour. 
 It never shall be done, nor said : 
 With that he seiz'd upon his Blade. 
 And Ralpho too, as quick, and bold, 
 Upon his Basket-hilt laid hold. 
 With equal readiness prepar'd 
 To draw, and stand upon his Guard. 
 When both were parted on the sudden, 
 With hideous clatnour, and a loud one, 
 As [i]f all sorts of Noise had been 
 Contrafted into one loud Din ; 
 Or that some Member to be chosen, 
 Had got the odds above a Thousand; 
 And by the greatness of his noise, 
 Prov'd fittest for his Countreys choice. 
 This strange surprisal put the Knight, 
 And wrathful Squire into a fright ; 
 And though they stood prepar'd, with fatal, 
 Impetuous rancour, to join Battel , 
 Both though[t] it was their wisest course, 
 
 H3
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 To wave the Fight, and mount to Horse ; 
 
 And to secure, by swift retreating, 
 
 Themselves from danger of worse beating. 
 
 Yet neither of them would disparage, 
 
 By utt'ring of his mind, his Courage, 
 
 Which made 'em stoutly keep their ground 
 
 With horror and disdain, wind-bound. 
 
 And now the cause of all their fear^ 
 
 By slow degrees approach'd so near, 
 
 They might distinguish different noise 
 
 Of Hor-nSy and Pans^ and Dogs^ and Boys^ 
 
 And Kettle Drums^ whose sullen Dub 
 
 Sounds like the hooping of a Tub : 
 
 But when the Sight appear'd in view, 
 
 They found it was an antique Show, 
 
 A Triumph^ that for Fomp^ and ^tate^ 
 
 Did proudest Romans emulate j 
 
 For as the Alderynen of Kome 
 
 For foes at Training overcome. 
 
 And not enlarging Territory^ 
 
 (As some mistaken write in Story) 
 
 Being mounted in their best Aray, 
 
 Upon a Carre, and who but they ? 
 
 And follow'd with a world of Tali Lads, 
 
 That merry Ditties trol'd, and Ballads ; 
 
 Did ride, with many a good morrow. 
 
 Crying, hey for our Town through the Burrough 
 
 So when this Triumph drew so nigh. 
 
 They might particulars descry. 
 
 They never saw two things so Pat, 
 
 In all respecSls, as this, and that. 
 
 First he that led the Cavalcate, 
 
 Wore a Sowgelder's Flagellate, 
 
 On which he blew so strong a Levet, 
 
 As well fee'd Laivyer on his Breviate. 
 
 When over one another's heads 
 
 They charge (three Ranks at once) like Suedes, 
 
 Next Pans, and Kettles of all keys, 
 
 From Trebles down to double-Base, 
 
 And after them upon a Nag, 
 
 144
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO II 
 
 That might pass for a forehand Stag, 
 
 A Cornet rode, and on his Staff, 
 
 A Smock display'd, did proudly wave. 
 
 Then Bagpipes of the loudest Drones, 
 
 With snuffing broken-winded tones ; 
 
 Whose blasts of Air in Pockets shut, 
 
 Sound filthier than from the Gut, 
 
 And make a viler noise than Switie 
 
 In windy-weather, when they whine. 
 
 Next, one upon a pair of Panniers^ 
 
 Full fraught with that, which for good manners 
 
 Shall here be nameless, mixt with Grains 
 
 Which he dispenc'd among the Swains^ 
 
 And busily upon the Crowd, 
 
 At random round about bestow'd. 
 
 Then mounted on a horned Horse, 
 
 One bore a Gauntlet and Gilt-spurs, 
 Ty'd to the Pummel of a long Sword, 
 
 He held reverst the point turn'd downward. 
 
 Next after, on a raw-bon'd Steed, 
 
 The Conqueror's Standard-bearer rid. 
 
 And bore aloft before the Champion 
 
 A Petticoat displaid, and Rampant ; 
 
 Near whom the Jmazon triumphant 
 
 Bestrid her Beast, and on the Rump on't 
 
 Sate Face to Tayl, and Bum to Bum, 
 
 The IVarrier whilome overcome ; 
 
 Arm'd with a Spindle and a Distaff', 
 
 Which as he rode, she made him twist off; 
 
 And when he loiter'd, o'er her Shoulder, 
 
 Chastiz'd the Reformado Souldier. 
 
 Before the Dame, and round about, 
 
 March 'd IVhiflers, and Staffiers on foot. 
 
 With Lacquies, Grooms, Valets, and Pages, 
 
 In fit and proper equipages ; 
 
 Of whom, some Torches bore, some Links, 
 
 Before the proud Virago-Minx, 
 
 That was both Madafu, and a Don, 
 
 Like Nero's Sporus, or Pope Jone ; 
 
 And at fit Periods the whole Rout 
 
 H5
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Set up theii throats with clam'rous shout. 
 The Knight transported, and the Squire 
 Put up their Weapons, and their Ire ; 
 And Hudibrasy who us'd to ponder 
 On such Sights, with judicious wonder, 
 Could hold no longer to impart 
 His Animadversions^ for his Heart. 
 
 Quoth he. In all my life till now, 
 I ne'er saw so prophane a Show. 
 It is a Paganish invention. 
 Which Heathen Writers often mention : 
 And he, who made it, had read Goodwin 
 (I warrant him) and understood him : 
 With all the Grecians Speeds and Stows : 
 That best describe those Antient Shows, 
 And has observ'd all fit Decorums^ 
 We find describ'd by old Historians. 
 For as a Roman Conqueror^ 
 That put an end to forrain IFar^ 
 Ent'ring the Town in Triumph for it, 
 Bore a Slave with him, in his Chariot : 
 So this insulting Female Brave^ 
 Carries behind her here, a Slave^ 
 And as the Ancients long ago, 
 When they in field defy'd the foe, 
 Hung out their Mantles della Guer ; 
 So her proud Standard-bearer here. 
 Waves, on his Spear, in dreadful manner, 
 A Tyrian-Pet\_t'\icoat for a Banner: 
 Next Links, and Torches, heretofore 
 Still born before the Emperor : 
 And as in Antique Triumphs^ Eggs 
 Were born for mystical intregues ; 
 There's one in Truncheon, like a Ladle, 
 That carries Eggs too, fresh or adle ; 
 And still at random, as he goes. 
 Among the Rabble-rout bestows. 
 
 Quoth Ralpho^ You mistake the matter ; 
 For, all th' Antiquity you smatter, 
 Is but a Ridings us'd of course, 
 
 146
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO II 
 
 When the Grey Mares the better Horse. 
 When o'er the Breeches greedy Women^ 
 Fight, to extend their vast Dominion^ 
 And in the cause impatient Grizel 
 Has drubb'd her Husband with Bulls Pizle^ 
 And brought him under Covert-Baron^ 
 To turn her Vassail with a Murrain ; 
 When Wives their Sexes shift, hke Hares^ 
 And ride their Husbands^ like Night-Mares, 
 And they in mortal Battle vanquish'd, 
 Are of their Charter dis-enfranchis'd, 
 And by the right of IVar, like Gils, 
 Condemn'd to Distaff", Horns, and Wheels ; 
 For when men by their Wives are Cow'd, 
 Their Horns of course are understood. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, Thou still giv'st sentence 
 Impertinently, and against sense. 
 Tis not the least disparagement, 
 To be defeated by th' event : 
 No[r] to be beaten by main force. 
 That does not make a man the worse, 
 Although his shoulders, with Batoon, 
 Be claw'd and cudgell'd to some tune ; 
 A Taylers Prentice has no hard 
 Measure, that's bang'd with a true yard ; 
 But to turn Tail, or run away, 
 And without blows give up the Day ; 
 Or to surrender ere the Assault, 
 That's no man's fortune, but his fault : 
 And renders men of Honor less 
 Than all th' Adversity of Success, 
 And only unto such this Shew 
 Of Horns, and Petticoats, is due. 
 There is a lesser Profanation, 
 Like that the Romans call'd Ovation, 
 For as Ovation was allow 'd 
 For Conquest, purchas'd without blood, 
 So men decree those lesser Shows, 
 For FiSfry gotten without blows. 
 By dint of sharp hard words, which some 
 
 K 2 147
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Give Battle with, and overcome ; 
 These mounted in a Chair Curule^ 
 Which Moderns call a Cucking-stool^ 
 March proudly to the River's side, 
 And o'er the Waves in Triumph ride. 
 Like Dukes of Venice^ who are sed 
 The Adriatique Sea to wed. 
 And have a gentler Wife^ than those. 
 For whom the State decrees those Shows. 
 But both are Heathenish and come 
 From th' JVhores of Babylon and Rome^ 
 And by the Saints should be withstood. 
 As Antichristian and Lewd^ 
 And we, as such, should now contribute 
 Our utmost struglings to prohibite. 
 
 This said, they both advanc'd, and rod^ 
 A Dog-trot through the bawling Crowd, 
 T'attack the Leader^ and still prest. 
 Till they approach'd him breast to breast. 
 Then Hudibras^ with face and hand. 
 Made signs for Silence^ which obtain'd: 
 What means (quoth he) this dev'ls Procession 
 With men of Orthodox profession ? 
 'Tis Ethnique and Idolatrous^ 
 From Heathenism deriv'd to us. 
 Does not the Whore of Babylon ride 
 Upon her Horned Beast astride. 
 Like this proud Dame^ who either is 
 A Type of her, or she of this ? 
 Are things of Superstitious funtlion^ 
 Fit to be us'd in Gospel Sunshine? 
 It is an Antichristian Opera^ 
 Much us'd in midnight times of Popery-y 
 A running after self-inventions 
 Of wicked and profane Intentions; 
 To scandalize that Sex^ for scolding. 
 To whom the Saints are so beholding. 
 Women, who were our first Apostles^ 
 Without whose aid w' had all been lost else ; 
 JVomen^ that left no stone unturn'd, 
 
 148
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO II 
 
 In which the Cause might be concern'd : 
 
 Brought in their Childrens Spoons and Whistles^ 
 
 To purchase Swords^ Carbines^ and Pistols : 
 
 Their Husbands^ Cullies^ and Sweet-hearts, 
 
 To take the Saints and Churches parts ; 
 
 Drew several gifted Brethren in, 
 
 That for the Bishops would have been, 
 
 And fix'd them constant to the Party^ 
 
 With motives pow'rful and hearty: 
 
 Their Husbands rob'd, and made hard shifts 
 
 T' administer unto their Guifts\ 
 
 All they could rap, and run and pilfer, 
 
 To scraps, and ends of Gold and Silver ; 
 
 Rub'd down the Teachers^ tir'd and spent, 
 
 With holding forth for Parliament; 
 
 Pamper'd and edifi'd their Zeal 
 
 With M arroiv-puddings many a Meal ; 
 
 Enabled them, with store of meat. 
 
 On controverted Points to eat; 
 
 And cram'd them till their guts did alee. 
 
 With Cawdle^ Custard^ and Plum-cake. 
 
 What have they done, or what left undone. 
 
 That might advance the Cause at London ? 
 
 March'd rank and file, with Drum and Ensign^ 
 
 T* entrench the City^ for defence, in ; 
 
 Rais'd Rampiers with their own soft hands, 
 
 To put the Enemy to stands ; 
 
 From Ladies down to Oyster-wenches^ 
 
 Labour'd like Pioneers in Trenches^ 
 
 Fell to their Pick-axes and Too Is ^ 
 
 And help'd the men to dig like Moles? 
 
 Have not the Handmaids of the City^ 
 
 Chosen o' their Members a Committee? 
 
 For raising of a Common-Purse^ 
 
 Out of their Wages, to raise Horse? 
 
 And do they not as Triers sit. 
 
 To judge what Officers are fit? 
 
 Have they ? At [that] an Egg^ let fly. 
 
 Hit him direilly o'er the eye, 
 
 And running down his Cheek, besmear'd. 
 
 [49
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 With Orange-tawny-slime, his Beard: 
 
 But Beard^ and slime being of one Hue, 
 
 The wound the less appear'd in view. 
 
 Then he that on the Panniers rode. 
 
 Let fly o' th' other side a load ; 
 
 And quickly charg'd again, gave fully 
 
 In Ralpho's face, another Volley. 
 
 The Knight was startl'd with the smell, 
 
 And for his sword began to feel: 
 
 And Ralpho smother'd with the stink, 
 
 Grasp'd his : when one that bore a Link^ 
 
 O' th' sudden, clap'd his flaming Cudgel, 
 
 Like Linstock^ to the Horse's touch-hole; 
 
 And streight another with his Flambeaux^ 
 
 Gave Ralpho's^ o'er the eyes, a damn'd blow. 
 
 The Beasts began to kick, and fling. 
 
 And forc'd the Rout to make a Ring. 
 
 Through which they quickly broke their way, 
 
 And brought them ofF from further fray ; 
 
 And though disorder'd in Retreat, 
 
 Each of them stoutly kept his seat : 
 
 For quitting both their Swords and Rains, 
 
 They grasp'd with all their strength the manes; 
 
 And to avoid the foes pursuit. 
 
 With spurring put their Cattle to't. 
 
 And till all four were out of wind, 
 
 And danger too, ne'r lookt behind. 
 
 After th' had paus'd a while, supplying 
 
 Their spirits spent with fight and flying, 
 
 And Hudibras recruited force. 
 
 Of Lungs, for aSiion or discourse: 
 
 Quoth he, that man is sure to lose. 
 That fouls his hands with durty foes : 
 For where no honor^ to be gain'd, 
 'Tis thrown away in being maintain'd, 
 'Twas ill for us, we had to do 
 With so dishonorable a Foe : 
 For though the Laiv of Arms does bar 
 The use of venom'd shot in War, 
 Yet by the nauseous smell, and noisom, 
 
 150
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO II 
 
 Their Case-shot savours strong of poison ; 
 
 And doubtless have been chew'd with teeth 
 
 Of some that had a stinking breath : 
 
 Else vv^hen w^e put it to the push, 
 
 They had not giv'n us such a brush. 
 
 But as those Pultroons that fling durt. 
 
 Do but defile, but cannot hurt ; 
 
 So all the Honor they have w^on, 
 
 Or we have lost, is much at one. 
 
 'Twas well we made so resolute 
 
 A brave Retreat, without pursuit ; 
 
 For if we had not, we had sped 
 
 Much worse, to be in Triumph led ; 
 
 Than which, the Ancients held no state, 
 
 Of Man's life more unfortunate. 
 
 But if this bold Adventure e'er 
 
 Do chance to reach the JVido%vs ear, 
 
 It may, b'ing destin'd to assert 
 
 Her ^ex's Honor^ reach her heart, 
 
 And as such homely Treats (they say) 
 
 Portend good fortune^ so this may. 
 
 Vespasian being dawb'd with durt. 
 
 Was destin'd to the Empire for't: 
 
 And from a Scavinger did come 
 
 To be a mighty Prince in Rome: 
 
 And why may not this foul Address 
 
 Presage in Love the same success ? 
 
 Then let us streight to cleanse our wounds. 
 
 Advance in quest of nearest Ponds -^ 
 
 And after (as we first design d) 
 
 Swear I've perform'd what she enjoin'd. 
 
 151
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 CANTO III. 
 
 THE 
 ARGUMENT. 
 
 The Knight with various doubts possest 
 
 To win the Lady, goes in ^est 
 
 Of Sidrophel the Rosy-crucian, 
 
 To know the Dest'nies resohition ; 
 
 JVith whorii being met^ they both chop Logick 
 
 About the Science Astrologick. 
 
 Till failing from Dispute^ to Fight^ 
 
 The Conjurer'j worsted by the Knight. 
 
 DOubtless the pleasure is as great 
 Of being cheated^ as to cheat. 
 As lookers-on feel most delight, 
 That least perceive a Jugkrs slight ; 
 And still the less they understand, 
 The more th' admire his slight of hand. 
 
 Some with a noise, and greasie light. 
 Are snapt, as men catch Larks by night 
 Ensnar'd and hamper'd by the Soul^ 
 As Noozes by the legs catch Foul. 
 
 Some with a Med\ine.^ and Receipt., 
 Are drawn to nibble at the Bait ; 
 And though it be a two-foot Trout., 
 'Tis with a single hair pull'd out. 
 
 Others believe no f^oice t' an Organ ; 
 So sweet as Lawyer in his Bar-gown. 
 
 152
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 Until, with subtle Cobweb-cheats, 
 Th' are catch'd in knotted Law^ like Nets : 
 In which, when once they are imbrangled, 
 The more they stir, the more th're tangled ; 
 And while their Purses can dispute. 
 There's no end of th' immortal Suit. 
 
 Others still gape t' anticipate 
 The Cabinet designs of Fate^ 
 Apply to JVisards to fore-see 
 What shall, and what shall never be : 
 And as those Fulturs do foreboad. 
 Believe Events prove had^ or good. 
 A flam more sensless than the Roguery 
 Of old Aruspicy and Augury. 
 That out of Garbages of Cattle.^ 
 Presag'd th' events of Truce., or Battle ; 
 From flight of Birds., or Chickins pecking.. 
 Success of great'st attempts would reckon ; 
 Though Cheats., yet more intelligible. 
 Than those that with the Stars do fribble. 
 This Hudibras by proof found true. 
 As in due time and place we'll shew. 
 For He, with Beard and Face made clean, 
 Being mounted on his Steed agen, 
 (And Ralpho got a Cock-horse too 
 Upon his Beast., with much ado) 
 Advanc'd on for the IVidows house, 
 T' acquit himself and pay his P'ows ; 
 When various thoughts began to bustle. 
 And with his inward man to justle. 
 He thought what danger might accrue. 
 If she should find he swore untrue : 
 Or, if his Squire., or he should fail, 
 And not be pundlual in their Tale ; 
 It might at once the ruine prove 
 Both of his Honor., Faith., and Love. 
 But if he should forbear to go. 
 She might conclude h' had broke his /^ow ; 
 And that he durst not now for shame 
 Appear in Court to try his Claim. 
 
 '53
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 This was the Pen'worth of his thought^ 
 To pass time^ and uneasie trot. 
 
 Quoth he, in all my past Adventures^ 
 I ne'er was set so on the Tenters, 
 Or taken tardy with Dilemma^ 
 That, every way I turn, does hem me ; 
 And with inextricable doubt. 
 Besets my puzled JVits about : 
 For though the Dame has been my Bail, 
 To free me from enchanted yciil : 
 Yet as a Dog committed close 
 For some offence, by chance breaks loose, 
 And quits his Clog ; but all in vain, 
 He still draws after him his Chain. 
 So though my Ankle she has quitted, 
 My Heart continues still committed. 
 And like a Bayl'd and Main-prized Lover., 
 Although at large, I am bound over. 
 And when I shall appear in Court^ 
 To plead my Cause., and answer for't 
 Unless the Judge do partial prove. 
 What will become of Me and Love? 
 For, if in our account we vary. 
 Or but in Circumstance miscarry. 
 Or if she put me to strift proof. 
 And make me pull my Doublet off. 
 To shew by evident Record, 
 Writ on my skin, I've kept my word : 
 How can I e'er expe6l to have her. 
 Having demurr'd unto her favour ? 
 But Faith., and Love., and Honor lost. 
 Shall be reduc'd t' a Knight o' th' Post: 
 Beside, that Stripping may prevent 
 What I'm to prove by Argument ; 
 And justifie I have a Tail., 
 And that way too, my proof may fail. 
 Or that I could enucleate. 
 And solve the Problems of my Fate ; 
 Or find by Necromantick Art., 
 How far the Dest'nies take my part ;
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 For if I were not more than certain, 
 To tf/«, and wear- her, and her Fortune^ 
 I'd go no farther in this Courtihip^ 
 To hazard Soul^ Estate^ and IVorship, 
 For though an Oath obliges not, 
 Where any thing is to be got, 
 (As thou hast prov'd,) yet 'tis profane 
 And sinful^ when men swear in vain. 
 
 Quoth Ralph^ Not far from hence doth dwell 
 A cunning man, hight Sidrophel^ 
 That deals in Destinies dark Counsels^ 
 And sage Opinions of the Moon sells ; 
 To whom all People far and near, 
 On deep importances repair. 
 When Brass and Pewter hap to stray, 
 And Linnen slinks out of the way ; 
 When Geese and Pullen are seduc'd. 
 And Sows of sucking Pigs are chews 'd ; 
 When Cattle feel Indisposition, 
 And need th' opinion of Physitian ; 
 When Murrain reigns in Hogs^ or Sheep^ 
 And Chickens languish of the Pip ; 
 When Teast^ and outward means do fail^ 
 And have no pow'r to work on Ale ; 
 When Butter does refuse to come. 
 And Love proves cross and humor some: 
 To him with ^estions^ and with Urine^ 
 They for discov'ry flock, or Curing. 
 Quoth Hudibras^ This Sidrophel 
 I've heard of, and should like it well. 
 If thou canst prove the Saints have freedom, 
 To go to Sorcerers when they need 'em. 
 
 Says Ralpho^ There's no doubt of that: 
 Those Principles I quoted late. 
 Prove that the Godly may alledge 
 For any thing their Priviledge ; 
 And to the Dev'l himself may go. 
 If they have motives thereunto. 
 For as there is a JVar between 
 The Dev'l and them^ it is no 67«, 
 
 155
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 If they, by subtle Stratagem, 
 
 Make use of him^ as he does them. 
 
 Has not this present Parliament 
 
 A Legar to the Devil sent, 
 
 Fully empower'd to Treat about 
 
 Finding revolted JVitches out : 
 
 And has not he, within a year, 
 
 Hang'd threescore of them in one Shire ? 
 
 Some only for not being drown d^ 
 
 And some for sitting above ground, 
 
 Whole days and nights upon their breeches. 
 
 And feeling pain, were hang'd for Witches. 
 
 And some for putting Knavish tricks 
 
 Upon Green-Geese^ and Turkey Chicks^ 
 
 Or Pigs^ that suddenly deceast, 
 
 Of griefs unnat'ral, as he guest ; 
 
 Who after prov'd himself a JVitch., 
 
 And made a Rod for his own breech. 
 
 Did not the Dev'l appear to Martin 
 
 Luther^ in Germany^ for certain ; 
 
 And would have gull'd him with a Trick, 
 
 But Mart, was too too Politick ? 
 
 Did he not help the Dutch to purge, 
 
 At Antwerp^ their Cathedral Church ? 
 
 Sing catches to the Saints at Mascon^ 
 
 And tell them all they came to ask him ? 
 
 Appear in divers shapes to Kelly ? 
 
 And speak i' th' Nun at Londons Belly ? 
 
 Meet with the Parliament^ Committee 
 
 At IVoodstocky on a Pars'nal Treaty ? 
 
 At Sarum take a Cavalier 
 
 V th' Causers service. Prisoner ? 
 
 As Withers in immortal Rime 
 
 Has register'd to after-time ? 
 
 Do not our great Reformers use 
 
 This Sidrophel to foreboad News ? 
 
 To write of FiSiories next year. 
 
 And Castles taken yet i' th' Air ; 
 
 Of Battels fought at Sea^ and Ships 
 
 Sunk, two years hence, the last Eclips ? 
 
 156
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 A Total O'erthrow giv'n the King 
 In Cornwall Horse, and Foot, next Spring ? 
 And has not he point-blank foretold 
 Whats'er the close Cofnmittee would ? 
 Made Mars and Saturn for the Cause, 
 The Moon for fundamental Laws ? 
 The Ram, and Bull, and Goat declare 
 Against the Book of Common Prayer ? 
 The Scorpion take the Protestation, 
 And Bear engage for Reformation ? 
 Made all the Royal Stars recant, 
 Compound, and take the Covenant. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, The case is clear, 
 The Saints ma' imploy a Conjurer ; 
 As thou hast prov'd it by their practice 
 No Argument like matter of fa6l is: 
 And we are best of all led to 
 Mens Principles by what they do. 
 Then let us strait advance in quest 
 Of this profound Gymnosophist : 
 And as the Fates, and He advise. 
 Pursue, or wave this Enterprise. 
 This said, he turn'd about his Steed, 
 And eftsoons on th' adventure rid. 
 Where, leave we Him and Ralph a while, 
 And to the Conjurer turn our stile : 
 To let our Reader understand 
 What's useful of him, before hand. 
 
 He had been long t'wards Mathematicks, 
 Opticks, Philosophy, and Staticks, 
 Magick, Horoscopy, Astrology, 
 And was old Dog at Physiology ; 
 But, as a Dog that turns the spit, 
 Bestirs himself, and plies his feet. 
 To climb the Wheel; but all in vain, 
 His own weight brings him down again : 
 And still he's in the self-same place, 
 Where at his setting out he was. 
 So in the Circle of the Arts, 
 Did he advance his nat'ral Parts ;
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Till falling back still, for retreat, 
 
 He fell to Juggle^ Cant^ and Cheat ; 
 
 For as those Fowls that live in Water 
 
 Are never wet, he did but smatter ; 
 
 Whate'er he labour'd to appear, 
 
 His understanding still was clear. 
 
 Yet none a deeper knowledge boasted. 
 
 Since old Hodg Bacon^ and Bod Grosted^ 
 
 Th' Intelligible ivorld he knew. 
 
 And all, men dream on't, to be true : 
 
 That in this World^ there's not a Wart., 
 
 That has not there a Counterpart ; 
 
 Nor can there on the face of Ground, 
 
 An Individual Beard be found. 
 
 That has not, in that foreign Nation^ 
 
 A fellow of the self-same fashion ; 
 
 So cm/, so color''d^ and so curVd^ 
 
 As those are, in th' Inferior World. 
 
 H' had read Dee'i Prefaces before 
 
 The Dev'ly and Euclide o'er and o'er. 
 
 And all th' Intregues^ 'twixt him and Kelly., 
 
 Lescus, and th' Emperor^ [would] tell ye. 
 
 But with the Moon was more familiar 
 
 Than e'er was Almanack well wilier. 
 
 Her secrets understood so clear. 
 
 That some believ'd he had been there. 
 
 Knew when she was in fittest mood. 
 
 For cutting Corns., or letting blood : 
 
 When for anointing Scabs and Itches., 
 
 Or to the Bum applying Leeches ; 
 
 When Sows and Bitches may be spade, 
 
 And in what Sign best Siders made. 
 
 Whether the Wane be, or Increase., 
 
 Best to set Garlick., or sow Pease. 
 
 Who first found out the Man ?' th' Moon, 
 
 That to the Ancients was unknown ; 
 
 How many Dukes, and Earls, and Peers, 
 
 Are in the Planetary Spheres, 
 
 Their Airy Empire : and command 
 
 Their sev'ral strengths by Sea and Land ; 
 
 158
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 What fadions th' have, and what they drive at 
 
 In publick Vogue, and what in private ; 
 
 With what Designs and Interests, 
 
 Each Party manages Contests, 
 
 He made an Instrument to know 
 
 If the Moon shine at full or no, 
 
 That would as ^'^- n as e'er she shon, strait 
 
 Whether 'twere Day or Night demonstrate j 
 
 Tell what her D'ameter t' an Inch is, 
 
 And prove she is not made of Green Cheese : 
 
 It would demonstrate, that the Man in 
 
 The Moon''s a Sea Mediterranean. 
 
 And that it is no Dog^ nor Bitchy 
 
 That stands behind him at his breech ; 
 
 But a huge Caspian Sea^ or Lake 
 
 With Jrms which Men for Legs mistake, 
 
 How large a Gulph his Tail composes. 
 
 And what a goodly Bay his Nose is ; 
 
 How many German Leagues by th' scale, 
 
 Cape-Snoufs from Promontary-Tayl : 
 
 He made a Planetary Gin, 
 
 Which Rats would run their own heads in, 
 
 And come o' purpose to be taken. 
 
 Without th' expence of Cheese or Bacon ; 
 
 With Lute-strings he would counterfeit 
 
 Maggots, that crawl on dish of meat. 
 
 Quote Moles and Spots, on any place 
 
 O' th' body, by the Index-face : 
 
 Deteft lost Maidenheads^ by sneezing. 
 
 Or breaking wind of Dames, or pissing. 
 
 Cure Warts and Corns, with application 
 
 Of Medlines, to th' Imagination. 
 
 Fright Agues into Dogs, and scare 
 
 With Rimes the Tooth-ach and Catarrh. 
 
 Chase evil spirits away by dint 
 
 Of Cickle, Horseshooe, Hollow-flint. 
 
 Spit fire out of a JValnut-shell, 
 
 Which made the Roman Slaves rebell. 
 
 And fire a Mine in China, here, 
 
 With Sympathetick Gunpowder. 
 
 159
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 He knew whats'ever's to be known, 
 
 But much more than he knew, would own. 
 
 What MecVclne 'twas that Paracelsus 
 
 Could make a man with, as he tells us. 
 
 What figur'd Slats are best to make, 
 
 On wat'ry surface, Duck or Drake. 
 
 What Bowling-stones^ in running race 
 
 Upon a Boarcly have swiftest pace. 
 
 Whether a Pulse beat in the black 
 
 List of a Dapl'd Louse's back. 
 
 If Systole or Diastole move 
 
 Quickest, when he's in wrath, or love : 
 
 When two of them do run a race. 
 
 Whether they Gallops Trot^ or Pace^ 
 
 How many scores a Flea will jump, 
 
 Of his own length, from Head to Rump ; 
 
 Which Socrates^ and Charephon 
 
 In vain, essay'd so long agon ; 
 
 Whether his Snout a perfe6l ISJose is. 
 
 And not an Elephant's Proboscis^ 
 
 How many different Specieses 
 
 Of Maggots breed in rotten Cheese, 
 
 And which are next of kin to those 
 
 Engendred in a Chandler's nose. 
 
 Or those not seen, but understood, 
 
 That live in Finegar and If^ood ; 
 
 A paultry Wretch, he had, half-starv'd. 
 
 That him in place of Zany serv'd ; 
 
 Hight TFhachum^ bred to dash and draw. 
 
 Not JVine^ but more unwholesome Law : 
 
 To make 'twixt words and lines, huge gaps. 
 
 Wide as Meridians in Maps. 
 
 To squander Paper, and spare Ink, 
 
 Or cheat men of their words, some think j 
 
 From this, by merited degrees, 
 
 He to more high Advancement rise : 
 
 To be an \J nder-ConJurery 
 
 Or Journy-man Astrologer : 
 
 His bus'ness was to pump and wheedle, 
 
 And Men with their own keys unriddle. 
 
 1 60
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 To make them to themselves give answers, 
 
 For which they pay the Necromancers. 
 
 To fetch and carry Intelligence, 
 
 Of whom, and what, and where, and whence. 
 
 And all Discoveries disperse. 
 
 Among th' whole pack of Conjurers ; 
 
 What Cutpurses have left with them. 
 
 For the right owners to redeem ; 
 
 And, what they dare not vend, find out. 
 
 To gain themselves, and th' Art, repute. 
 
 Draw Figures, Schemes, and Horoscopes, 
 
 Of Newgate, Bridewell, Brokers Shops. 
 
 Of Thieves ascendent in the Cart, 
 
 And find out all by rules of Art. 
 
 Which way a Serving-man that's run 
 
 With Cloaths or Mony away, is gone : 
 
 Who pick'd a Fob, at Holding-forth, 
 
 And where a Watch, for half the worth, 
 
 May be redeem'd ; or Stolen Plate 
 
 Restor'd, at Conscionable rate. 
 
 Beside all this, he serv'd his Master 
 
 In quality of Poetaster : 
 
 And Rimes appropriate could make. 
 
 To ev'ry month i' th' Almanack. 
 
 When Terms begin, and end, could tell, 
 
 With their Returns, in Doggerel. 
 
 When the Exchequer opes and shuts. 
 
 And Sowgelder, with safety cuts. 
 
 When Men may Eat and Drink their fill, 
 
 And when be temp'rate if they will. 
 
 When use, and when abstain from vice. 
 
 Figs, Grapes, Phlehtomy, and Spice. 
 
 And as in Prisons, mean Rogues beat 
 
 Hemp, for the service of the Great ; 
 
 So J-Vhachum beat his durty brains, 
 
 T' advance his Masters Fame and Gains ; 
 
 And like the Devil's Oracles, 
 
 Put into Dogrel-Rimcs his Spells, 
 
 Which over ev'ry months blank-page 
 
 r th' Almanack, strange Bilks presage. 
 
 r6i
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 He would an Elegy compose 
 
 On Maggots squcez'd out of his Nose ; 
 
 In Lyrick numbers write an Ode on 
 
 His Mistriss, eating a Black-pudden : 
 
 And when imprison'd Air escap'd her, 
 
 It puft him with Poet'ick Rapture : 
 
 His Sonnets charm'd th' attentive Crowd, 
 
 By wide-mouth'd Mortal troul'd aloud ; 
 
 That, circl'd with his long-ear'd Guests, 
 
 Like Orpheus look'd, among the Beasts, 
 
 A Carmans Horse could not pass by, 
 
 But stood ty'd up to Poetry^ 
 
 No Porter's Burthen past along. 
 
 But serv'd for Burthen to his Song. 
 
 Each Windore, like a PiWry appears. 
 
 With heads thrust through, nail'd by the ears 
 
 All Trades run in as to the sight 
 
 Of Monsters, or their dear delight ; 
 
 The Gallow-tree^ when cutting Purse, 
 
 Breeds bus'ness for Heroick Verse, 
 
 Which none does hear, but would have hung 
 
 T've been the Theme of such a Song. 
 
 Those two together long had liv'd, 
 
 In Mansion prudently contriv'd ; 
 
 Where neither Tree, nor House could bar 
 
 The free detedtion of a Star ; 
 
 And nigh an Jntient Obelisk 
 
 Was rais'd by him, found out by Fisk^ 
 
 On which was written, not in words, 
 
 But Hieroglyphick Mute of Birds, 
 
 Many rare pithy Saws concerning 
 
 The worth of Astrologick Learning : 
 
 From top of this there hung a Rope, 
 
 To which he fastned Telescope ; 
 
 The Spe^acles, with which the Stars 
 
 He reads in smallest Charaiiers. 
 
 It hapned as a Boy, one night. 
 
 Did fly his Tarsel of a Kite, 
 
 The strangest long-wing'd Hank that flies. 
 
 That like a Bird of Paradise, 
 
 162
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 Or Heralds Martlet, has no legs^ 
 
 Nor hatches young ones, nor lay[s] Egqs ; 
 
 His Train was six yards long, milk-white. 
 
 At th' end of which there hung a Light ^ 
 
 Enclos'd in Lanthorn made of Paper^ 
 
 That far off like a Star did appear. 
 
 This Sidrophel by chance espy'd. 
 
 And with Amazement staring wide, 
 
 Bless us, quoth he, What dreadful wonder 
 
 Is that, appears in Heaven yonder ? 
 
 A Cornet^ and without a Beard? 
 
 Or Star^ that ne'er before appear'd; 
 
 I'm certain, 'tis not in the Scrowly 
 
 Of all those Beasts, and Fish, and Fowl, 
 
 With which, like Indian Plantations^ 
 
 The Learned stock the Constellations : 
 
 Nor those that drawn for Signs have bin, 
 
 To th' Houses where the Planets Inn. 
 
 It must be supernatural, 
 
 Unless it be that Cannon-Bail, 
 
 That, shot in th' Air, point-blank, upright. 
 
 Was born to that prodigious height. 
 
 That learn'd Philosophers maintain. 
 
 It ne'er came backwards, down agen j 
 
 But in the Jery Region yet. 
 
 Hangs like the Body o' Mahomet. 
 
 For if it be above the Shade, 
 
 That by the Earths round bulk is made, 
 
 'Tis probable, it may, from far. 
 
 Appear no Bullet but a Star. 
 
 This said. He to his Engine flew, 
 Plac'd near at hand, in open view. 
 And rais'd it, till it levell'd right. 
 Against the Glow-worm Tail of Kite. 
 Then peeping through, {Bless us quoth he) 
 It is a Planet now I see ; 
 And if I err not, by his proper 
 Figure^ that's like "Tobacco-stopper., 
 It should be Saturn : yes 'tis clear : 
 'Tis Saturn., But what makes him there? 
 
 L 2 163
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 He's got between the Dragon''^ Tail, 
 And farther leg behind, o' th' Whale \ 
 Pray Heaven^ divert the fatal Omen, 
 For 'tis a Prodigy not common, 
 And can no less than the JForlds end, 
 0[r] Natures funeral portend. 
 With that he fell again to pry 
 Through Perspective more wistfully, 
 When by mischance, the fatal string 
 That kept the Totu'ring Fowl on wing. 
 Breaking, down fell the Star; Well shot, 
 Quoth JVhachiun^ who right wisely thought 
 H' had levell'd at a Star, and hit it : 
 But Sidropbel more subtle-witted, 
 Cry'd out, What horrible and fearful, 
 Portent is this, to see a Star fall j 
 It threatens Nature^ and the doom 
 Will not be long before it come. 
 When Stars do fall, 'tis plain enough, 
 The Day of yudgment^ not far off : 
 As lately 'twas reveal'd to Sedgwick^ 
 And some of us find out by Magick. 
 Then, since the time we have to live. 
 In this world\ shortned. Let us strive, 
 To make our best advantage of it. 
 And pay our losses with our profit. 
 
 This feat fell out, not long before 
 The Knight upon the forenam'd score, 
 In quest of Sidropbel advancing, 
 Was now in prospect of the Mansion : 
 Whom he discovering, turn'd his Glass, 
 And found far off, 'twas Hudibras. 
 
 Whachum (quoth he) look yonder j some 
 To try, or use our Art, are come: 
 The one's the Learned Knight \ seek out, 
 And pump 'em, what they come about. 
 Whachum advanc'd with all submissness, 
 T' accost 'em, but much more, their bus'ness. 
 He held the Stirrup, while the Knight, 
 From Leathern Bare-Bones did alight. 
 
 164
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 And taking from his hand, the Bridle, 
 
 Approach'd the dark Squire to unriddle, 
 
 He gave him first the time o' th' day, 
 
 And welcom'd him, as he might say : 
 
 He ask'd them whence they came, and whither 
 
 Their business lay? Quoth Ralpho^ hither; 
 
 Did you not lose ? Quoth Ralpho^ Nay ; 
 
 Quoth Whachum^ Sir, I meant your way^ 
 
 Your Knight Quoth Ralpho^ is a Lover^ 
 
 And pains intollerable doth suffer, 
 
 For Lovers hearts are not their own hearts, 
 
 Nor Lights nor Lungs, and so forth downwards. 
 
 What time Quoth Ralpho^ Sir too long, 
 
 Three years it off and on, has hung 
 
 Quoth he, I meant what time o' th' day 'tis. 
 Quoth Ralpho^ between seven and eight 'tis. 
 Why then (quoth Whachum) my small Art 
 Tells me, the Dame has a hard Hearty 
 
 Or great Estate Qiioth Ralph^ a Joynter^ 
 
 Which makes him have so hot a mind t' her. 
 
 Mean while the Knight was making water. 
 
 Before he fell upon the matter ; 
 
 Which having done, the Wizard steps in, 
 
 To give him [suitable] Reception; 
 
 But kept his bus'ness at a Bay^ 
 
 Till JVhachum put him in the way. 
 
 Who having now by Ralpho\ light, 
 
 Expounded th' Errand of the Knight^ 
 
 And what he came to know, drew near, 
 
 To whisper in the Conj''rers ear. 
 
 Which he prevented thus: What was't 
 
 Quoth he, that I was saying last. 
 
 Before these Gentlemen arriv'd? 
 
 Quoth JVhachum^ Fenus you retriv'd, 
 
 In opposition with Mars^ 
 
 And no benigne friendly Stars 
 
 T' allay th' effed. Quoth JVizard, So ! 
 
 In Firgo ? Ha ! quoth JVhachum^ No. 
 
 Has Saturn nothing to do in't? 
 
 One tenth of's Circ/e to a minute. 
 
 165
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 'Tis well, quoth he Sir you'll excuse 
 
 This rudeness, I am forc'd to use, 
 It is a Scheme^ and face of Heaven 
 As the AspeSis are dispos'd, this Even^ 
 I was contemplating upon. 
 When you arriv'd: but now I've done. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras^ If I appear 
 Unseasonable in coming here 
 At such a time, to interrupt 
 Your Speculations^ which I hop'd 
 Assistance from, and come to use, 
 'Tis fit that I ask your excuse. 
 
 By no means. Sir, Qiioth Sidrophel^ 
 The Stars your coming did foretel: 
 I did expect you here, and know. 
 Before you speak, your bus'ness too. 
 
 Quoth Hudihras, Make that appear, 
 And I shall credit whatsoe'er 
 You tell me after, on your word, 
 Howe'er unlikely, or absurd. 
 
 You are in Love^ Sir, with a JFidow^ 
 Quoth he, that does not greatly heed you ; 
 And [for] three years has rid your JVtt 
 And Passion without drawing Bit: 
 And now your bus'ness is, to know 
 If you shall carry her, or no. 
 
 Quoth Hudibrasy you're in the right, 
 But how the Devil you come by't, 
 I cann't imagine ; for the Stars 
 I'm sure, can tell no more than a Horse^ 
 Nor can their Aspens (though you pore 
 You[r] Eyes o[u]t on 'em) tell you more 
 Than the Oracle of Sive and Sheers^ 
 That turns as certain as the Spheres ; 
 But if the Devils of your Counsel, 
 Much may be done, my noble Don%el^ 
 And 'tis on this accompt I come. 
 To know from you my fatal Doom. 
 
 Quoth Sidrophel^ If you suppose. 
 Sir Knight^ that I am one of those, 
 
 1 66
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 I might suspeft, and take the Alarm^ 
 
 Your bus'ness is but to inform, 
 
 But if it be; 'tis ne'er the near, 
 
 You have a wrong Sow by the Ear^ 
 
 For I assure you, for my part, 
 
 I only deal by Rules of Art^ 
 
 Such as are lawful, and judge by 
 
 Conclusions of Astrology : 
 
 But for the Devil^ know nothing by him. 
 
 But only this, that I defie him. 
 
 Quoth he. Whatever others deem ye 
 I understand your Metonymie \ 
 Your words of second hand intention. 
 When things by wrongful names you mention ; 
 The Mystick sense of all your Ternis^ 
 That are indeed but Magick Charms^ 
 To raise the Devil, and mean one thing, 
 And that is, down-right Conjuring: 
 And in its self more warrantable, 
 Than Cheat, or Canting to a Rabble^ 
 Or putting Tricks upon the Moon, 
 Which by confederacy are done. 
 Your Ancient Conjurers were wont 
 To make her from her Sphere dismount, 
 And to their Incantations stoop. 
 They scorn'd to pore through Telescope, 
 Or idly play at bo-peep with her. 
 To find out cloudy, or fair weather. 
 Which ev'ry Almanack can tell, 
 Perhaps, as learnedly, and well, 
 
 As you your self Then friend I doubt 
 
 You go the farthest way about. 
 Your Modern Indian Magician 
 Makes but a hole i' th' Earth to piss in. 
 And streit resolves all Questions by't. 
 And seldom fails to be i'th' right, 
 The Rosy-crucian way's more sure, 
 To bring the Devil to the Lure, 
 Each of 'em has a sev'ral Gin, 
 To catch Intelligences in. 
 
 167
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Some by the Nosr with fumes trappan 'um, 
 
 As Dunstan did the Devifs Grannum. 
 
 Others with CharaSiers and JVords^ 
 
 Catch 'em as Men in Nets do Birds. 
 
 And some with Symbols^ Sig'''h '^"^ Tricks^ 
 
 Engrav'd in Planetary Nicks. 
 
 With their own influences, will fetch 'em, 
 
 Down from their Orbs, arrest and catch 'em ; 
 
 Make 'em depose, and answer to 
 
 All ^lestions, e'er they let them go. 
 
 BumbastuSy kept a DeviTs Bird 
 
 Shut in the Pummel of his Sword, 
 
 That taught him all the cunning Pranks, 
 
 Of past and future Mountebanks. 
 
 Kelly did all his Feats upon 
 
 The Devil's Looking-Glass^ a Stone, 
 
 Where playing with him at Bo-peep, 
 
 He solv'd all Problems ne'er so deep. 
 
 Agrippa kept a Stygian-Pug, 
 V th' garb and habit of a Dog, 
 That was his Tutor ; and the Curr 
 Read to th' occult Philosopher, 
 And taught him subtly to maintain 
 All other Sciences are vain. 
 
 To this, quoth Sidrophello, Sir, 
 Agrippa was no Conjurer, 
 Nor Paracelsus, no nor Behman ; 
 Nor was the Dog a Cacoda:?non, 
 But a true Dog, that would shew tricks 
 For th' Emperor, and leap o'er sticks ; 
 Would fetch and carry, was more civil. 
 Than other Dogs, but yet no Devil; 
 And whatsoe'er he's said to do. 
 He went the self-same way we go. 
 As for the Rosie-cross Philosophers, 
 Whom you will have to be but Sorcerers ; 
 What they pretend to, is no more, 
 Than Trismegistus did before, 
 Pythagoras, old Zoroaster, 
 And Jppollonius their Master ; 
 
 1 68
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 To whom they do confess they ovv, 
 All that they do, and all they know. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, Alas what is't to us, 
 Whether 'twere said by Trismegistus: 
 If it be nonsence^ fahi\ or m\stick^ 
 Or not intelligible^ or sophistick. 
 'Tis not Antiquity^ nor Author^ 
 That makes truth truth^ although tiynes daughter ; 
 'Twas he that put her in the P/V, 
 Before he pull'd her out of it. 
 And as he eats his Som^ just so 
 He feeds upon his Daughters too. 
 Nor do's it follow, cause a Herald 
 Can make a Gentleman scarce a year old, 
 To be descended of a Race, 
 Of ancient Kings in a small space ; 
 That we should all Opinion hold 
 Authentick^ that we can make old. 
 
 Quoth Sidrophel^ It is no part 
 Of prudence, to cry down an Art ; 
 And what it may perform, deny 
 Because you understand not why. 
 (As Averrhois play'd but [a] mean trick, 
 To damn our whole Art for Excentrick) 
 For who knows all that knowledge contains ? 
 Men dwell not on the Tops of Mountains^ 
 But on their sides, or rising's seat ; 
 So 'tis with knowledge's vast height. 
 Do not the Hist'ries of all Ages 
 Relate miraculous presages. 
 Of strange turns in the JVorhVs affairs, 
 Foreseen b' Astrologers^ Soothsayers^ 
 Chaldeans^ Learn'd Genethliacks^ 
 And some that have writ Almanacks? 
 The Median Emp'rour dreamt, his Daughter, 
 Had pist all Asia under water. 
 And that a Fine^ sprung from her hanches, 
 O'erspread his Etnpiri\ with its branches ; 
 And did not Soothsayers expound it, 
 As after by th' event he found it? 
 
 169
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 When Cicsar in the Senate fell, 
 
 Did not the Sun eclips'd foretel, 
 
 And in resentment of his slaughter, 
 
 Look'd pale for almost a year after ? 
 
 Augustus having, b' oversight, 
 
 Put on his left Shooe, 'fore his right. 
 
 Had like to have been slain that day. 
 
 By Soldiers mutining for pay. 
 
 Are there no myriads of this sort, 
 
 Which Stories of all times report ? 
 
 Is it not ominous in all Countreys^ 
 
 When Crows and Ravens croak upon Trees ? 
 
 The Roman Senate^ when within 
 The City-walls an Oiul was seen, 
 Did cause their Clergy with Lustrations^ 
 (Our Synod calls Humiliations^) 
 The round-fac'd Prodigy t' avert 
 From doing Town or Country hurt. 
 And if an Owl have so much pow'r, 
 Why should not Planets have much more ? 
 That in a Region^ far above 
 Inferior fowls o' th' Air^ move. 
 And should see farther, and fore-know, 
 More than their Augury below : 
 Though that once serv'd the Polity 
 Of mighty States to govern by; 
 And this is that we take in hand. 
 By pow'rful Art to understand. 
 Which, how we have perform'd, all Ages 
 Can speak th' Events of our presages, 
 Have we not lately in the Moon 
 Found a Neiu World to th' Old unknown? 
 Discover'd Sea and Land^ Columbus 
 And Magellan could never compass? 
 Made Mountains, with our Tubes^ appear 
 And Cattle grazing on 'em there? 
 
 Quoth Hudibras^ You lie so ope. 
 That I, without a Telescope^ 
 Can find your Tricks out, and descry 
 Where you tell truth, and where you lie. 
 
 170
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 For Anaxagoras long agon, 
 Saw Hills^ as well as you i' th' Moon ; 
 And held the Sun was but a piece 
 Of Red-hot-Irn as big as Greece ; 
 Believ'd the Heavens were made of Stone^ 
 Because the Sun had voided one ; 
 And rather than he would recant 
 Th' Opinion^ suffer'd Banishment. 
 But what, alas, what is't to us, 
 Whether i' th' Moon^ men thus, or thus, 
 Do eat their Porridge^ cut their Corns, 
 Or whether they have Tails or Horns ? 
 What Trade from thence can you advance 
 But what we nearer have from France? 
 What can our Travellers bring home. 
 That is not to be learnt at Rome? 
 What Politicks^ or strange Opinions^ 
 That are not in our own Dominions? 
 What Science can be brought from thence, 
 In which we do not here Commence ? 
 What Revelations, or Religions, 
 That are not in our Native Regions ? 
 Are sweating Lanthorns^ or Screen-Fans 
 Made better there, than th' are in France? 
 Or do they teach to sing and play 
 O' th' Gittarr there a newer [way];? 
 Can they make Plays there, that shall fit 
 The Publick Humor with less JFit? 
 Write wittier Dances^ quainter Shows, 
 Or fight with more ingenious Blows? 
 Or does the Man i'th' Moon look big, 
 And wear a huger Periwigs 
 Shew in his Gate, or Face, more tricks 
 Than our own Native Lunaticks? 
 But if w' out-do him here at home, 
 What good of your design can come ? 
 As wind i' th' Hypochondrias pent 
 Is but a blast if downward sent ; 
 But if it upwards chance to fly. 
 Becomes new Light and Prophecy: 
 
 171
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 So when our Speculations tend, 
 
 Above their just and useful end, 
 
 Although they promise strange and great, 
 
 Discoveries of things far fet, 
 
 They are but idle Dreafns and Fancies^, 
 
 And savor strongly of the Ganzas^ 
 
 Tell me but what's the nat'ral cause, 
 
 Why on a Sign^ no Painter draws 
 
 The Full-Moon ever, but the Half^ 
 
 Resolve that with your "Jacobs-staff-^ 
 
 Or why wolves raise a Hubbub at her, 
 
 And Dogs howl when she shines in water ; 
 
 And I shall freely give my Votc^ 
 
 You may know something more remote. 
 
 At this deep Sidrophel look'd wise. 
 And staring round with Oivl-Ukc Eies, 
 He put his face into a posture 
 Of Sapience^ and began to bluster ; 
 For having three times shook his head 
 To stir his wit up, thus he said. 
 
 Jrt has no mortal enemies 
 Next Ignorance^ but Owls and Geese ; 
 Those Consecrated Geese in Orders, 
 That to the Capitol were JVarders : 
 And being then upon Petrol 
 With noise alone beat off the Gaul. 
 Or those Athenian Sceptick Owlsy 
 That will not credit their own Souls ; 
 Or any Science understand. 
 Beyond the reach of Eye, or Hand : 
 But meas'ring all things by their own 
 Knowledge, hold. Nothing's to be known. 
 Those whole-sale Criticks^ that in Coffee- 
 Houses^ cry down all Philosophy. 
 And will not know, upon what ground 
 In Natidre.^ we our doitrine found; 
 Although with pregnant evidence. 
 We can demonstrate it to sence. 
 As I just now have done to you, 
 Fortelling what you came to know. 
 
 172
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 Were the Stars only made to light 
 
 Robbers and Burglarers by night ? 
 
 To wait on Drunkards^ 'Thieves^ Gold-finders^ 
 
 And Lovers solacing behind Dores? 
 
 Or giving one another Pledges 
 
 Of Matrimony under Hedges ? 
 
 Or Witches Sirnpling^ and on Gibbets 
 
 Cutting from Malefactors snippets ? 
 
 Or from the Pillory tips of Ears 
 
 Of Rebel-Saints, and Perjurers? 
 
 Only to stand by and look on. 
 
 But not know what is said or done ? 
 
 Is there a Constellation there, 
 
 That was not born and bred up here ? 
 
 And th[ere]fore cannot be to learn, 
 
 In any inferior Concern, 
 
 Were they not, during all their lives. 
 
 Most of 'em Pirats, Whores, and Thieves? 
 
 And is it like they have not still 
 
 In their old PraSiises some skill ? 
 
 Is there a Planet that by Birth 
 
 Does not derive its House from Earth ? 
 
 And therefore probably must know 
 
 What is, and hath been done below? 
 
 Who made the Ballance^ or whence came 
 
 The Bull^ the Lion^ and the Ram ? 
 
 Did not we here, the Argo rigg 
 
 Make Berenice'' % Periwig? 
 
 Whose Liv'ry does the Coachman wear? 
 
 Or who made Cassiopaah Chair ? 
 
 And therefore as they came from hence, 
 
 With us may hold Intelligence. 
 
 Plato deny'd, The JVorld can be 
 
 Govern'd without Geometry., 
 
 (For Mony b'ing the common Scale 
 
 Of things by measure, weight, and tale ; 
 
 In all th' affairs of Church and State, 
 
 Tis both the Ballance and the J V eight:) 
 
 Then much less can it be without 
 
 Divine Astrology made out. 
 
 173
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 That puts the other down in worth, 
 As far as Heavens above Earth. 
 
 These reasons (quoth the Knight) I grant 
 Are something more significant 
 Than any that the Learned use, 
 Upon this suhje£l to produce ; 
 And yet, th' are far from satisfadtory 
 T' establish and keep up your Fa^ory. 
 The Egyptians say, The Sun has twice 
 Shifted his setting and his rise ; 
 Twice has he risen in the JVest^ 
 As many times set in the East ; 
 But whether that be true, or no. 
 The Devil any of you know. 
 Some hold, the Heavens^ like a Top^ 
 Are kept by Circulation up ; 
 And 'twere not for their wheeling round. 
 They'd instantly fall to the ground: 
 As sage Empcdocles of old. 
 And from him Modern Authors [hold]. 
 Plato believ'd the Sun and Moon^ 
 Below all other Planets run. 
 Some Mercury^ some Venus seat 
 Above the Sun himself in height. 
 The learned Scaliger complain'd 
 'Gainst what Copernicus maintain'd. 
 That in Twelve hundred years, and odd. 
 The Sun had left his antient Road, 
 And nearer to the Earth, is come 
 'Bove Fifty thousand miles from home: 
 Swore 'twas a most notorious Flam, 
 And he that had so little Shame 
 To vent such Fopperies abroad, 
 Deserv'd to have his Rump well claw'd ; 
 Which Monsieur Bodin hearing, swore 
 That he deserv'd the Rod much more. 
 That durst upon a truth give doom, 
 He knew less than the Pope of Rome. 
 Cardan believ'd. Great States depend 
 Upon the tip o' th' Bears Tails end ; 
 
 174
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 That as she whisk'd it t'wards the Sun, 
 
 Strow'd Mighty Empires up and down ; 
 
 Which others say must needs be false. 
 
 Because your true Bears have no Tails. 
 
 Some say, the Zod'tack-Constellations 
 
 Have long since chang'd their antique Stations 
 
 Above a Sign ; and prove the same, 
 
 In Taurus now, once in the Ra?n ; 
 
 Affirm the Trigons chop'd and chang'd, 
 
 The JFatry with the Fiery rang'd; 
 
 Then how can their effects still hold 
 
 To be the same they were of old. 
 
 This, though the Art were true, would make 
 
 Our Modern Soothsayers mistake j 
 
 And is one cause they tell more lies. 
 
 In Figures and Nativities^ 
 
 Than th' old Chaldean Conjurers, 
 
 In so many hundred thousand years j 
 
 Beside their Nonsense in translating, 
 
 For want of Accidence and Latine. 
 
 Like Idus and Calendte Englisht 
 
 The ^larter-days^ by skilful Linguist, 
 
 And yet with Canting^ Slight^ and Cheat 
 
 'Twill serve their turn to do the feat ; 
 
 Make Fools believe in their fore-seeing 
 
 Of things before they are in Being ; 
 
 To swallow Gudgeons ere th' are catch'd. 
 
 And count their Chickens ere th' are hatch'd. 
 
 Make them the Constellations prompt. 
 
 And give 'em back their own accompt : 
 
 But still the best to him that gives 
 
 The best price for't, or best believes. 
 
 Some Towns and Cities^ some, for brevity, 
 
 Have cast the Versal World's Nativity; 
 
 And made the Infant-Stars confess, 
 
 Like Fools or Children, what they please : 
 
 Some calculate the hidden fates 
 
 Of Monkeys^ Puppy-Dogs^ and Cats^ 
 
 Some Running-Nags^ and Fighting-Cocks ; 
 
 Some Love^ Trade, Law-Suits, and the Pox ; 
 
 ^75
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Some take a measure of the lives 
 
 Of Fathers, Mothers, Husbands, Wives, 
 
 Make Opposition^ Trine^ and ^tartile ; 
 
 Tell who is barren, and who fertile, 
 
 As if the Planefs first aspe6l 
 
 The tender Infant did infedl 
 
 In Soul and Body^ and instill 
 
 All future good, and future ill : 
 
 Which, in their dark fatalities lurking, 
 
 At destin'd Periods fall a working ; 
 
 And break out like the hidden seeds 
 
 Of long diseases into deeds. 
 
 In Friendships, Enmities, and strife, 
 
 And all th' emergencies of Life : 
 
 No sooner does he peep into. 
 
 The JVorld^ but he has done his do, 
 
 Catch'd all Diseases, took all Physicky 
 
 That cures, or kills a man that is sickj 
 
 Marry 'd his punftual dose of Wives, 
 
 Is Cuckolded, and Breaks, or Thrives. 
 
 There's but [the] twinkling of a Star 
 
 Between a Man of Peace and War^ 
 
 A Thief and Justice^ Fool and Knave^ 
 
 A huffing Offi\f\cr and a Slave, 
 
 A crafty Lawyer and Pick-pocket, 
 
 A great Philosopher and a Blockhead, 
 
 A formal Preacher and a Player, 
 
 A learn 'd Physitian and Man-slayer. 
 
 As if Men from the Stars did suck 
 
 Old-age, Diseases, and ill-luck. 
 
 Wit, Folly, Honor, Virtue, Vice, 
 
 Trade, Travel, IVomen, Claps, and Dice ; 
 
 And draw with the first Air they breath. 
 
 Battel, and Murther, sudden Death. 
 
 Are not these fine Commodities, 
 
 To be imported from the Skies ? 
 
 And vended here among the Rable, 
 
 For staple Goods, and warrantable ? 
 
 Like Mony by the Druids borrow 'd, 
 
 r th' other World to be restor'd. 
 
 176
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 Quoth Sidrophel^ To let you know 
 You wrong the Art and Artists too : 
 Since Arguments are lost on those 
 That do our Principles oppose ; 
 I will (although I've don't before) 
 Demonstrate to your sense once more, 
 And draw a Figure that shall tell you 
 What you perhaps forget, befel you ; 
 By way of Horary inspeilion, 
 Which some accompt our worst eredtion. 
 With that, He Circles draws, and Squares 
 With Cyphers^ Astral CharaSiers ; 
 Then looks 'em o'er, to understand 'em. 
 Although set down Hab-nah^ at random. 
 
 Quoth he. This Scheme o' th' Heavens set 
 Discovers how in fight you met 
 At Kingston with a Maypole Idol, 
 And that y' were bang'd both back and side well 
 And though you overcame the Bear, 
 The Dogs beat you at Brentford Fair ; 
 Where sturdy Butchers broke your Noddle, 
 And handl'd you like a Fop-doodle. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras^ I now perceive 
 You are no Conjurer, b' your leave, 
 That Paultry story is untrue, 
 And forg'd to cheat such Gulls as you. 
 
 Not true ? quoth he. How e'er you vapor, 
 I can, what I affirm, make appear; 
 Whachum shall justifie 't [t'] your face. 
 And prove he was upon the place : 
 He play'd the Saltinhanco'% part, 
 Transform'd t' a Frenchman by my Art, 
 He stole your Cloak, and pick'd your Pocket, ' 
 Chews'd, and Caldes'd ye like a Block-head : 
 And what you lost I can produce 
 If you deny it, here i' th' house. 
 
 Quoth Hudihras, I do believe. 
 That Argument's Demonstrative ; 
 Ralpho, bear witness, and go fetch us 
 A Constable to seize the Wretches : 
 
 M 
 
 177
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 For though th' are both false Knaves and Cheats^ 
 
 Impostors^ Juglers^ Counterfets^ 
 
 I'll make them serve for perpendiculars, 
 
 As true, as e'er were us'd by Brick-layers ; 
 
 They 're guilty by their own Confessions, 
 
 Of Felony ; and at the Sessions 
 
 Upon the Bench 1 will so handle 'em. 
 
 That the Vibration of this Pendulum 
 
 Shall make all Taylors Yards, of one 
 
 Unanimous opinion : 
 
 A thing he long has vapour'd of. 
 
 But now shall make it out by proof. 
 
 Quoth Sidrophel^ I do not doubt. 
 To find friends, that will bear me out : 
 Nor have I hazarded my Art^ 
 And Neck, so long on the States part, 
 To be expos'd i' th' end to suffer. 
 By [such] a Braghadochio Hufter. 
 
 Huffer^ quoth Hudibras^ This Szvord 
 Shall down thy false throat. Cram that word, 
 Ralpho^ make haste, and call an Officer, 
 To apprehend this Stygian Sophister ; 
 Mean while I'll hold 'em at a Bay^ 
 Lest he and Whachum run away. 
 
 But Sidrophel^ who from th' Aspe^ 
 Of Hudibrasy did now eredl, 
 A Figure worse portending far. 
 Than that of most malignant Star : 
 Believ'd it now the fittest moment. 
 To shun the danger that might come on't. 
 While Hudibras was all alone. 
 And he and JVhachum^ two to one ; 
 This being resolv'd. He spy'd by chance. 
 Behind the Dore, an Iron Lance, 
 That many a sturdy Limb had gor'd. 
 And Legs, and Loyns, and Shoulders bord. 
 He snatch'd it up, and made a Pass, 
 To make his way through Hudibras. 
 Whachum had a Fire-Fork, 
 With which he vow'd to do his Work. 
 
 178
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 But Hudibras was well prepar'd, 
 And stoutly stood upon his Guard. 
 He put by Sidropbello\ thrust, 
 And in, right manfully, he rusht. 
 The weapon from his gripe he wrung, 
 And laid him on the earth along. 
 JVhachum his Seacole-Prong threw by. 
 And basely turn'd his back to fly. 
 But Hudib[r']as gave him a twitch 
 As quick as Lightning in the Breech. 
 Just in the place, where Honor % lodg'd, 
 As wise Philosophers have judg'd ; 
 Because a kick in that part more 
 Hurts Honor^ than deep wounds before. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras^ the Stars determine 
 You are my Prisoners, base Vermine. 
 Could they not tell you so, as well 
 As what I came to know, foretel ? 
 By this, what Cheats you arc, we find, 
 That in your own Concerns are blind : 
 Your Lives are now at my dispose. 
 To be redeem'd by fine or blows : 
 But who his Honor would defile, 
 To take, or sell two lives so vile ; 
 I'll give you Quarter^ but your Pillage^ 
 The Conqu'ring Warrier's Crop and Tillage^ 
 Which with his Sword he reaps, and plows ; 
 That mine, the Laiu of Arms allows. 
 
 This said [in haste], in haste he fell 
 To romaging of Sid raphe I. 
 f'irst. He expounded both his Pockets, 
 And found a JVatch^ with R'vigs and Lockets^ 
 Which had been left with him, t' ere6l 
 A Figure for, and so detect. 
 A Copper-Plate^ with Almanacks 
 Engrav'd upon't, with other knacks. 
 Of Bookerh^ Lillie's^ Sarah Jimmers^ 
 And Blank-Schetncs to discover Nimmcrs ; 
 A Moon-Dial^ with Napiers bones. 
 And several Constellation-stones^ 
 
 M 2 
 
 179
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Engrav'd in Planetary hours^ 
 That over Mortals had strange powers 
 To make 'em thrive in Laxv^ or Trade j 
 And stab, or poyson, to evade ; 
 In Wit^ or IVisdom to improve, 
 And be vic^torious in Love. 
 JVhachuyn had neither Cross nor Pile., 
 His Plunder was not worth the while ; 
 All which the Conquror did discompt, 
 To pay for curing of his Rump. 
 But Sidrophel., as full of tricks, 
 As Rota-men of Politicks^ 
 Streight cast about to over-reach 
 Th' unwary Conqu'ror with a fetch, 
 And make him glad, (at least) to quit 
 His FiSfory., and fly the P/V, 
 Before the Secular Prince of Darkness 
 Arriv'd to seize upon his Carkass, 
 And, as a Fox., with hot pursuit, 
 Chac'd through a IVarren., cast about 
 To save his credit, and among 
 Dead Vermin on a Gallows hung ; 
 And while the Dogs ran underneath, 
 Escap'd (by counterfeiting Death) 
 Not out of Cunning, but a Train 
 Of Ato77is justling in his Brain, 
 As learn'd Philosophers give out : 
 So Sidrophello cast about. 
 And fell to's w[o]nted Trade again. 
 To feign himself in earnest slain, 
 First, stretch'd out one leg, then another. 
 And seeming in his Breast to smother, 
 A broken Sigh ; Quoth he. Where am I, 
 Alive, or Dead ? Or which way came I 
 Through so immense a space so soon ? 
 But now, I thought my self i' th' Moon ; 
 And that a Monster with huge JFhiskers., 
 More formidable than a Switzers., 
 My body through and through had dril'd, 
 And TVhachum by my side, had kill'd. 
 
 i«o
 
 SECOND PART, CANTO III 
 
 Had cross-examin'd both our Hose, 
 And plunder'd all we had to lose ; 
 Look there he is, I see him now, 
 And feel the place I am run through. 
 And there lies IVhachum by my side, 
 Stone-dead, and in his own blood dy'd. 
 Oh ! Oh ! with that he fetch 'd a Grone^ 
 And fell again into a swoun. 
 Shut both his Eies, and stopt his Breath, 
 And, to the Life^ out-a6led Death. 
 That Hudibras^ to all appearing, 
 Believ'd him to be dead as Herring. 
 He held it now no longer safe. 
 To tarry the return of Ralph ; 
 But rather leave him in the Lurch ; 
 Thought he, he has abus'd our Churchy 
 Refus'd to give himself one firk. 
 To carry on the Puhlick work. 
 Despis'd our Synod-men like Durt. 
 And made their Discipline his sport ; 
 Divulg'd the secrets of their Classes^ 
 And their Conventions prov'd High Places ; 
 Disparag'd their Tith-Pigs^ as Pagan., 
 And set at nought their Cheese and Bacon ; 
 Rail'd at their Covenant^ and jear'd 
 Their rev'rend Parsons to my Beard^ 
 For all which Scandals to be quit. 
 At once, this 'Juncture falls out fit. 
 I'll make him henceforth, to beware. 
 And tempt my fury, if he dare : 
 He must (at least) hold up his hand, 
 By twelve Free-holders to be scan'd, 
 Who by their skill in Palmistry., 
 Will quickly read his Destiny ; 
 And make him glad to read his Lesson.^ 
 Or take a turn for't at the Session : 
 Unless his Light and Gifts prove truer. 
 Than ever yet they did, I'm sure ; 
 For if he scape with U^hipping now, 
 'Tis more than he can hope to do. 
 
 i8i
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And that will disingage my Conscience^ 
 
 Of th' Obligation^ in his own sense. 
 
 I'll make him now by force abide, 
 
 What he by gentle means deny'd, 
 
 To give my Honor satisfailion, 
 
 And right the Brethren in the A£lion. 
 
 This being resolv'd with equal speed, 
 
 And ConduSf^ he approach'd his Steed; 
 
 And with A^ivity unwont, 
 
 Essay'd the lofty Beast to mount ; 
 
 Which once atchiev'd, he spurr'd his Palfry^ 
 
 To get from th' Enemy ^ and Ralpb^ free ; 
 
 Left Danger, Fears, and Foes behind. 
 
 And beat, at least three lengths, the Wind. 
 
 I«2
 
 AN HEROICAL EPISTLE 
 
 AN 
 HEROICAL EPISTLE 
 
 OF 
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 TO 
 
 SIDROPHEL. 
 
 Ecce iterum Crispinus 
 
 WEU Sidrophely though 'tis in vain 
 To tamper with your Crazy Brain, 
 Without Trepanning of your Scull, 
 As often as the Moon's at Fu/I : 
 'Tis not amiss, ere y' are giv'n o'er. 
 To try one desp'rate Med'cine more : 
 For where your Case can be no worse. 
 The desp'rat'st is the wisest course. 
 Is't possible, that you, whose Ears 
 Are of the Tribe of Issachars, 
 And might (with equal Reason) either 
 For Merit, or extent of Leather, 
 With JVilliam Pryns, before they were 
 Retrench'd, and Crucifi'd compare. 
 
 '83
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Should yet be deaf against a noise 
 So roaring as the Publick Voice ? 
 That speaks your virtues free and loud, 
 And openly in ev'ry croud, 
 As loud as one that sings his part 
 T' a Wheel-barrow or Turnip Cart,- 
 
 Or your new Nicknani'd old Invention, 
 
 To cry Green Hastings with an Engine. 
 
 (As if the vehemence had stun'd, 
 
 And torn your Drum-heads with the sound) 
 
 And 'cause your Folly's now no news, 
 
 But over-grown and out of use. 
 
 Persuade your self there's no such matter. 
 
 But that 'tis vanish'd out of Nature, 
 
 When Folly, as it grows in years, 
 
 The more extravagant appears. 
 
 For who but you could be possest 
 
 With so much Ignorance, and Beast, 
 
 That neither all mens Scorn, and Hate, 
 
 Nor being Laugh'd and Pointed at. 
 
 Nor bray'd so often in a Morter, 
 
 Can teach you wholesome Sense, and Nurture ? 
 
 But (like a Reprobate) what course 
 
 S'ever's us'd, grow worse and worse ? 
 
 Can no Transfusion of the Blood, 
 
 That makes Fools Cattle, do you good ? 
 
 Nor putting Pigs t' a Bitch to Nurse, 
 
 To turn 'em into Mungrel-Curs, 
 
 Put you into a way, at least, 
 
 To make your self a better Beast ? 
 
 Can all your critical Intrigues 
 
 Of trying sound from rotten Eggs ; 
 
 Your several Newfound Remedies, 
 
 Of curing Wounds, and Scabs in Trees ; 
 
 Your Arts of Fluxing them from Claps^ 
 
 And Purging their infe(^ted Saps^ 
 
 Recov'ring Shankers, Chrystallines, 
 
 And Nodes and Botches in their Rindes, 
 
 Have no effe£t to operate 
 
 Upon that duller Block, your Pate, 
 
 184
 
 AN HEROICAL EPISTLE 
 
 But still it must be lewdly bent 
 
 To tempt your own due Punishment- 
 
 And like your whimsey'd Chariots draw 
 
 The Boys to course you without Law ? 
 
 As if the Art you have so long 
 
 Profest, of making old Dogs young, 
 
 In you had Virtue to renew 
 
 Not only Youth, but Childhood too. 
 
 Can you, that understand all Books 
 
 By Judging only with your Looks, 
 
 Resolve all Problems with your Face, 
 
 As others do with B's^ and yf' 5, 
 
 Unriddle all that Mankind knows 
 
 With solid bending of your Brows, 
 
 All Arts and Sciences advance, 
 
 With screwing of your Countenance, 
 
 And with a penetrating Eye, 
 
 Into th' abstrusest Learning pry. 
 
 Know more of any Trade b' a hint, 
 
 Than those that have been bred up in't. 
 
 And yet have no Art true, or false 
 
 To help your own bad Naturals ? 
 
 But still the more you strive t' appear, 
 
 Are found to be the wretcheder. 
 
 For Fools are known by looking wise. 
 
 As Men find Woodcocks by their Eies. 
 
 Hence 'tis, that 'cause y' have gain'd o'th' Colledge^ 
 
 A Quarter-share (at most) of Knowledge, 
 
 And brought in none, but spent Repute, 
 
 Y' assume a Pow'r as absolute 
 
 To Judge and Censure, and Controll, 
 
 As if you were the sole Sir Poll 
 
 And saucily pretend to know 
 
 More than your Dividend comes to, 
 
 You'll find the thing will not be done, 
 
 With Ignorance, and Face alone : 
 
 No though y' have purchas'd to your Name, 
 
 In History so great a Fame, 
 
 That now your Talent's so well known, 
 
 For having all Belief outgrown ; 
 
 185
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 That ev'ry strange Prodigious Tale 
 
 Is measur'd by your German Scale, 
 
 By which the f^irtuosi try 
 
 The Magnitude of ev'ry Ly, 
 
 Cast up to what it does amount : 
 
 And place the big'st to your account. 
 
 That all those stories that are lai'd 
 
 Too truely to you, and those made, 
 
 Are now still charg'd upon your score. 
 
 And lesser Authors nam'd no more. 
 
 Alas that Faculty destroys 
 
 Those soonest, it designs to raise. 
 
 And all your vain Renown will spoil. 
 
 As Guns o're-charg'd the more recoyl. 
 
 Though he that has but Impudence 
 
 To all things has a fair Pretence 
 
 And put among his wants, but shame. 
 
 To all the world may lay his claim : 
 
 Though you have try'd that nothing's born 
 
 With greater ease than Publique Scorn ; 
 
 That all affronts do still give Place 
 
 To your Impenetrable Face ; 
 
 That makes your way through all affairs. 
 
 As Pigs through Hedges creep with theirs. 
 
 Yet as 'tis Counterfeit and Brass 
 
 You must not think 'twill always pass 
 
 For all Impostors, when they'r known. 
 
 Are past their Labor, and undone. 
 
 And all the best that can befall 
 
 An Artificial Natural, 
 
 Is that which Madmen find, as soon 
 
 As once th' are broke loose from the Moon 
 
 And proof against her Influence, 
 
 Relapse to ere so little Sense 
 
 To turn stark Fools, and Subjcdts fit 
 
 For sport of Boys, and Rabble-wit. 
 
 186
 
 ANNOTATIONS TO THE SECOND PART 
 
 Annotations 
 
 TO THE 
 
 SECOND PART. 
 
 But now t' observe, &c. 
 
 THe beginning of this Second Part may perhaps seem strange and 
 abrupt to those who do not know, that it was written of purpose, in 
 imitation of Virgil, who begins the IV Book of his jEnddes in the very 
 same manner, At Kegina gravi, <b'c. And this is enough to satisfie the 
 curiosity of those who beheve that Invention and Fancy ought to be 
 measur'd (Hke Cases in Law) by Precedents, or else they are in the power 
 of the Critick. 
 
 A Saxon Duke did grow so fat. 
 
 This History of the Duke of Saxony, is not altogether so strange as that 
 of a Bishop his Country-man, who was quite eaten up with Rats, and 
 Mice. 
 
 King Pyrrhus cur'd his Splenetick, 
 And testy Courtiers with a kick. 
 
 Pyrrhus King of Epirus, who as Pliny says, had this occult Quality in his 
 Toe, Pollicis in dextro Pede taitu Lienosis medebatur. L. 7. C. Ii. 
 
 In close Catasta shut, ^c. 
 
 Catasta is but a pair of Stocks in English, But Heroical Poetry must not 
 admit of any vulgar word (especially of paultry signitication) and 
 therefore some of our Modern Authors are fain to import forrain words 
 from abroad, that were never before heard of in our Language. 
 
 'Twas he that made St. Francis do, &c. 
 
 The antient Writers of the Lives of Saints, were of the same sort of 
 People, who first writ of Knight-Errantry, and as in the one, they 
 rendred the brave Actions of soine very great Persons ridiculous, by 
 their prodigious Lies, and sottish way of describing them : So they have 
 abus'd the Piety of some very devout L'ersons, by imposing such stories 
 upon them, as this upon St. Francis. 
 
 187
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 This made the beautious Queen of Crete. 
 The History of Pastpbae is common enough, only this may be observ'd, 
 That though she brought the Bull a Son and Heir; yet the Husband was 
 fain to father it, as appears by the Name, perhaps because the Countrey 
 being an Island, he was within the four Seas, when the Infant was 
 begotten. 
 
 As your own Secretary Jlbertus. 
 Albertus Magnus was a Sweedish Bishop, who wrote a very Learned 
 Work, De Secretis Mulierum. 
 
 Unless it be to squint and laugh. 
 Pliny in his Natural History affirms that Uni animalium bomini oculi 
 deprauantur, unde Cognomina Strabonum is" Ptetorum. Lib. 2. 
 
 As Fryer Bacons Noddle was. 
 
 The Tradition of Frier Bacon and the Brazen-Head, is very commonly 
 known, and considering the times he liv'd in, is not much more strange 
 then what another great Philosopher of his Name, has since deliver'd up 
 of a Ring, that being ty'd in a string, and held hke a Pendulum in the 
 middle of a Silver Bowl, will vibrate of it self, and tell exadly against 
 the sides of the Divining Cup, the same thing with, Ttme is. Time 
 luas, <b'c. 
 
 Or like some Indians Sculls so tough, 
 That Authors say th'are Musket proof. 
 Amer[ic]an Indians, among whom (the same Authors affirm) that there are 
 others, whose Sculls are so soft, to use their own words, Ut Digito 
 perforari possunt. 
 
 Or Oracle from Heart of Oak. 
 
 Jupiters Oracle in Epirus, near the City of Dodona. Ubi Nemus erat Jo-vi 
 
 sacrum, Querneum totum in quo Jovis Dodontei Templum fuisse narratur. 
 
 Sem'iramis of Babylon. 
 
 Semiraniis, Qiieen of Assyria, is said to be the first that invented Eunucbs. 
 Scmiramis teneros mares castravit omnium Pri?na. Am. Marcel. L. 14. 
 p. 22. Which is something strange in a Lady of her Constitution, who 
 is said to have receiv'd Horses into her embraces (as another Queen did 
 a Bull) But that perhaps may be the reason, why she after thought Men 
 not worth the while. 
 
 For some Philosophers of late here. 
 5. K. D. in his Book of Bodies ; who has this story of the German-Boy, 
 which he endeavours to make good by several Natural Reasons; By 
 which those who have the Dexterity to believe what they please, may be 
 fully satisfied of the probability of it.
 
 ANNOTATIONS TO THE SECOND PART 
 
 A Persian Emp'ror whip'd his Granuin. 
 
 Xerxes who us'd to whip the Seas and ^Vinds. In Corum, atque Euruni 
 solitus sefire Flagellis. Juven. Sat. lo. 
 
 So the antient Stoicks in their Porch. 
 
 In Porticu {Stoicoruffi Schold ^thems~) Discipniorum seditionibus, millc 
 Quadr'ingenti trig'inta Cives interfeSii sunt. Diog. Laert. in vita T^enonis. 
 p. 383. Those old Virtuoso's were better Proficients in those Exercises, 
 than the Modern, who seldom improve higher than Cuffing, and 
 Kicking. 
 
 That Bonum is an Animal. 
 
 Boniim is such a kind of Animal, as our Modern virtuosi, from Don 
 Quixot, will have Windmils under sail to be. The same Authors are of 
 opinion. That all Ships are Fishes while they are afloat, but when they 
 are run on ground, or laid up in the Dock, become Ships again. 
 
 In a Town 
 
 There Hv'd a Cobler, and but one. 
 
 This History of the Cobler has been attested by Persons of good credit, 
 who were upon the place when it was done. 
 
 Have been exchang'd for Tubs of Ale. 
 
 The Knight was kept prisoner in Exeter, and after several exchanges 
 propos'd, but none accepted of, was at last releas'd for a Barrel of Ale, 
 as he often us'd, upon all occasions, to declare. 
 
 Bore a Slave with him in his Chariot. 
 
 Et sibi Consul. 
 
 A'e placeat, curru sernjus portatur eodem. Juven. Sat. 10. 
 
 Hung out their Mantles Delia Guer. 
 
 Tunica Coccinea solebat pridie qnam dimicandum esset, supra Pr^torium poni 
 quasi admonitio is' indicium futurif Pugn^ Lipsius in Tacit, p. 56. 
 
 Next Links and Torches, ^c. 
 
 That the Roman Emperors were wont to have Torches born before them 
 (by day) in publick, appears by Herodian in Portinace. Lip. in Tacit. 
 p. 16. 
 
 Vespatian being daub'd with Durt. 
 
 C. Cssar succensens, propter curam "verrendis I'iis non adhibitam, Lutojussit 
 oppleri^ congesto per milites in prietextu: sinum. Sueton in Vespas. Ca. 5. 
 
 189
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Has not this present Parliament, 
 A Ledger to the Devil sent ? 
 
 The Witchfinder in Suffolk, who in the Presbyterian times had a Com- 
 mission to discover Witclies, of whom (right or wrong) he caus'd 60 
 to be hang'd within the compass of one year, and among the rest an old 
 Minister, who had been a painful Preacher for many years. 
 
 Did he not help the Dutch to purge, 
 At Antwerp their Cathedral Church ? 
 
 In the beginning of the Civil Wars of Flanders, the common people of 
 jintiverp, in a tumult, broke open the Cathedral Church, to demolish 
 Images and Shrines: and did so much mischief in a small time, that 
 Strada writes. There were several Devils seen very busie among them, 
 otherwise it had been impossible. 
 
 Sing Catches to the Saints at Mascon. 
 
 This Devil of Mascon deliver'd all his Oracles, like his Forefathers, in 
 Verse, which he sung to Tunes : He made several Lampoons upon the 
 Hugonots, and foretold them many things, which afterwards came to 
 pass; as may be seen in his Memoin-s, written in French. 
 
 Appear in divers shapes to Kelly\ 
 
 And speak i'th' Nun at Loudons Belly. 
 
 The History of Dr. Dee and the Devil, published by Mer. Causabon, Isae. 
 Fil. Prebend of Canterbury, has a large accompt of all those Passages ; 
 in which the stile of the true and false Angels appears to be penn'd by 
 one and the same person. The Nim of Loudon in France, and all her 
 tricks have been seen by many Persons of Quality of this Nation, yet 
 living, who have made very good observations upon the French Book 
 written upon that occasion. 
 
 Meet with the Parliaments Committee 
 At JFoodstock on a Pers'nal Treaty : 
 
 A Committee of the long Parliament sitting in the Kings House in 
 Woodstock-Park, were terrify'd with several Apparitions, the particulars 
 whereof were then the News of the whole Nation. 
 
 At Sariini took a Cavalier. 
 
 IVtthers has a long story in Doggerel, of a Soldier of the Kings Army, 
 who being a Prisoner at Salisbury, and drinking a health to the Devil 
 upon his knees, was carried away by him through a single pane of 
 Glass. 
 
 190
 
 ANNOTATIONS TO THE SECOND PART 
 
 Since old Hodg-Bacon^ 
 Roger Bacon, commonly called Frier Bacon, liv'd in the Reign of our 
 Edivard the I. and for some little.skill he had in the Mathematicks, was, 
 by the Rabble, accounted a Conjurer, and had the sottish story of the 
 Brazen Head father'd upon him, by the ignorant Monks of those days. 
 Robert Grostbead was Bishop of Lincoln in the Reign of Hen. III. He 
 was a Learned Man for those times, and for that reason suspected by 
 the Clergy to be a Conjurer, for which crime being degraded by Pope 
 Innocent the IV. and summoned to app[e]ar at Rome, he appealed to the 
 Tribunal of Christ ; which our Lawyers say is illegal, if not a 
 Pramunire, for offering to sue in a Forraign Court. 
 
 Which Socrates^ and Charephon 
 In vain assay'd so long agone. 
 Aristophanes in his Comedy of the Clouds brings in Socrates and Charephon^ 
 measuring the Leap of a Flea, from the ones Beard to the others. 
 
 Was rais'd by him, found out by Fisk. 
 This Fisk was a late famous Astrologer, who fiourish'd about the time of 
 Subtle and Face, and was equally celebrated by Ben. Johnson. 
 
 Unless it be that Cannon-ball. 
 
 This experiment was try'd by some Forreign Virtuoso's, who planted a 
 Piece of Ordnance point-blanc against the Zenith, and having fir'd it, 
 the Bullet never rebounded back again, which made them all conclude, 
 that it sticks in the mark ; but Des Cartes was of opinion. That it does 
 but hang in the Air. 
 
 As lately was reveal'd to Sedgwyck. 
 This Sedgivyck had many Persons (and some of Quality) that bcliev'd in 
 him, and prepar'd to keep the day of Judgment with him, but were 
 disappointed ; for which the false Prophet was afterwards call'd by the 
 name oi Doomesday Sed\_g']'wyck. 
 
 Your Modern Indian Magician 
 
 Makes but a hole in th' Earth to piss in. 
 
 This compendious new way of Magick is affirm'd by Monsieur Le Blanc 
 (in his Travels) to be us'd in the East-Indies. 
 
 Bumbastus kept a Devils Bird, ^c. 
 Paracelsus is said to have kept a small Devil pris'ner in the Pummel of his 
 Sword, which \\'as the reason, perhaps, why he was so valiant in his 
 Drink ; Howsoever it was to better pui-pose than Annibal carry'd 
 poyson in his, to dispatch himself, if he sliould happen to be surpri/'d in 
 any great extremity, for the Sword would have done the Feat alone, 
 much better, and more Soldier-like. And it was below the Honor of so 
 great a Commander, to go out of the ^Vorld like a Rat. 
 
 191
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Agrippa kept a Stygian Pug. 
 
 Cornelius Agrippa had a Dog, that was suspe6}ed to be a Spirit, for some 
 tricks he was wont to do, beyond the capacity of a Dog, as it was 
 thought ; but the Author of Mogia Adamica has taken a great deal of 
 pains to vindicate both the Do6Vor and the Dog, fi-om that aspersion, in 
 which he has shown a very great respeft and kindness for them both. 
 
 As Averrhois play'd but a mean trick. 
 
 Averrhois Astronomiam propter Exce?!tricoj contempsit. Phil. Melan61on 
 in Elem. Phys. p. 781. 
 
 The Median Emp'ror dreamt his Daughter. 
 
 Astyages King of Media had this Dream of his Daughter Mayidane^ and the 
 Interpretation from the Magi, wherefore he married her to a Persian of 
 mean quality, by whom she had Cyrus, who conquer'd all Asia, and 
 translated the Empire from the Medes to the Persians. Herodot. L. a. 
 
 When C^sar in the Senate fell. 
 
 Fiunt aliquando Prodigiosi, (&' longiores Solis De/e.^us, quales occiso Cwsare 
 Diffatore is' A)ito!iiano Bella, totius Anni Pallore continuo, Plin. 
 
 Augustus having b' oversight, ^c. 
 
 Di-vus Augustus L/tvum sibi prodidit calccum prutpostere indutum, quo die 
 seditione Militum prope aJ[liBus est. Idem. Lib. 2. 
 
 The Roman Senate when within, 
 The City Walls an Owl was seen. 
 
 Romani L. Crasso <h' C. iWWr/[o] Coss. Bubone -visa orbem lustrahant. 
 
 For Anaxagoras long agone, 
 
 Saw Hills, as well as you, i'th' Moon. 
 
 Anaxagoras affirmabat Solem Candens Ferrum esse, is" Pelopo\>ineso'\ major em: 
 Lunam habitacula in se habere, 42' Colles, <h' Falles. Fertur dixisse Caelum 
 omne ex Lapidibus esse Compositum ; Danniatus is' in exilium pulsus est, 
 quod impie, Solem Candentem laminam esse dixissct. Diogen. Laert. in 
 Anaxag. p. 11. 13. 
 
 The /Egyptians say, the Sun has twice 
 Shifted his Setting and his Rise. 
 
 ^gyptii Decem millia Annorum, is" amplius, recensent ; (h" obseri'afum est 
 in hoc tanto Spatio, bis niutata esse Lora Ortuiim is" Occasuum solis ; ita 
 ut Sol bis ortus sit ubi nunc occidit, <h' bis descenderit ubi nunc oritur. 
 Phil. Melana. Lib. i. p, 60. 
 
 192
 
 ANNOTATIONS TO THE SECOND PART 
 
 Some hold the Heavens like a Top, 
 Are kept by Circulation up. 
 
 Causa quare delum non cadit, {secundum Empedoclent) est velocitas sui motus. 
 Comment in L. 2. Aristot. de CjeU). 
 
 Plato believ'd the Sun and A4oon 
 Below all other Planets run. 
 
 Plato Salem <h' Lunam cateris Planetis inferiores esse put ai'it. G. Cunning. 
 in Cosmogr. L. i. p. 11. 
 
 The Learned Scaliger complain'd. 
 
 Copernicus in Libris Ret'olutionum, deinde Reinholdus, post etiam Stadius, 
 Mathematici nobiles perspicuis Demonst\_r'\atioJnbus docueru^ji^t, sotis jlpsida 
 Terris esse pro\_pi'\orem, quam Ptolomj;i u-tate duodecini partibus, i.e. uno 
 is' triginta terra; semidiametris. Jo. Bod. Met. Hist. p. 455. 
 
 Cardan believ'd great States depend, ^'c. 
 
 Putat Cardanus, ab extrema Cauda Helices seu Majoris iirsic omne mngn\ti\m 
 Imperium pendere. Id. p. 325. 
 
 Than th' old Chaldean Conjurers 
 In so many hundred thousand years. 
 
 Chalda:i jaSlant se quadringinta septuaginta Annorum millia in periditandis, 
 experiundisque Puerorum Animis posuisse. Cicero. 
 
 Like Money by the Druids borrow'd, i^c. 
 
 Druidie peciiniam mtituo accipiebant in Posteriore vita redituri. Patricius 
 Tom. 2. p. 97. 
 
 That paultry story is untrue 
 
 And forg'd to cheat such Gulls as you. 
 
 There was a notorious Ideot (that is here di'scrib'd by the Name and 
 Character of Wbacum) who counterft-ited a Second Part of Hudibras, as 
 untowardly as Captain Po, who could not write himself, and )et made 
 a shift to stand on the Pillory, for Forging other Mens Hands, as his 
 Fellow JVhachutn^ no doubt deserv'd ; in whose abominable Doggerel 
 This story of Hudibras and a French Mountebank at £rf«{/br^- Fair, is 
 as properly describ'd. 
 
 N 193
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 That the vibration of this Pendulum, 
 Shall make all Taylors Yards, of one 
 Unanimous opinion. 
 
 The device of the Vibration of a PenduUim, was intended to settle a 
 certain Measure of Ells and Yards, h'c. (that should have its foundation 
 in Nature) all the world over : For by swinging a weight at the end of 
 a string, and calculating (by the motion of the Sun, or any Star) how 
 long the Vibration would last, in proportion to the length of the String, 
 and weight of the Pendulum ; they thought to reduce it back again, and 
 from any part of time, compute the exa6f length of any string, that 
 must necessarily vibrate in so much space of time : So that if a man 
 should ask in Cfjiua for a Quarter of an Hour of Satin or Taffeta, they 
 would know perfectly what it meant. And all Mankind learn a new 
 way to measure things no more by the Yard, Foot, or Inch, but by the 
 Hour, Quarter, and Minute. 
 
 Before the Secular Prince of Darkness. 
 
 As the Devil is the spiritual Prince of Darkness, so is the Constable the 
 Secular, who governs in the night with as great Authority as his 
 Colleague, but far more imperiously. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 194
 
 HUDIBRAS. 
 
 THE 
 
 Third and last 
 
 PART. 
 
 Written by the Authour 
 
 OF THE 
 
 First and Second Parts. 
 LONDON, 
 
 Printed for Robert Horne^ at the South Entrance 
 of the Royal-Exchange. 1679. 
 
 N 2 195
 
 Licensed and Kittred according to the 
 AB of Paidiameftt for Printing. 
 
 196
 
 HUDIBRAS. 
 
 The Third and Last Part. 
 
 The ARGUMENT of the 
 FIRST CANTO of the Third Part. 
 
 The Knight and Squire resolve at once^ 
 
 The one the other to renounce. 
 
 They both approach the Ladie's Bower^ 
 
 The Squire f inform^ the Knight to wooe her. 
 
 She treats them with a Masquerade^ 
 
 By Furies and Hobgoblins made : 
 
 From which the Squire conveys the Knight, 
 
 And steals him, p'o^i himself, by Night. 
 
 CANTO I. 
 
 "T^IS true, no Lover has that Pow'r 
 
 X T' enforce a desperate Amour, 
 As he that has two Strings to's Bow, 
 And burns for Love and Money too : 
 For then he's Brave and Resolute, 
 Disdains to render in his Suit, 
 H'as all his Flames and Raptures double, 
 And hangs or drowns with half the trouble. 
 
 197
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 While those who sillily pursue 
 
 The simple downright way and true, 
 
 Make as unlucky Applications, 
 
 And steer against the Stream their passions. 
 
 Some forge their Mistresses of Stars: 
 
 And when the Ladies prove averse, 
 
 And more untoward to be won, 
 
 Then by Caligula the Moon^ 
 
 Cry out upon the Stars for doing 
 
 III Offices, to cross their ivooing-y 
 
 When onely by themselves they're hindred, 
 
 For trusting those they made her kindred: 
 
 And still the harsher and hide-bounder 
 
 The Damsels prove, become the fonder. 
 
 For what mad Lover ever dy'd. 
 
 To gain a soft and gentle Bride? 
 
 Or for a Lady tender-hearted, 
 
 In purling Streams or Hemp departed ? 
 
 Leap'd headlong int' Elizium^ 
 
 Through th' Windows of a dazling Room? 
 
 But for some cross ill-natur'd Dame, 
 
 The am'rous Fly burnt in his flame. 
 
 This to the Knight could be no News^ 
 
 With all Mankind so much in use ; 
 
 Who therefore took the wiser course. 
 
 To make the most of his Amours^ 
 
 Resolv'd to try all sorts of ways. 
 
 As follows in due Time and Place. 
 
 No sooner was the bloody Fight 
 
 Between the IVizard and the Knight 
 
 With all th' Appurtenances over. 
 
 But he relaps'd again t' a Lover : 
 
 As he was always wont to doe 
 
 When h' had discomfited a Foe, 
 
 And us'd the onely Antick Philters 
 
 Deriv'd from old Heroick Tilters. 
 
 But now Triumphant and Vi6lorious, 
 
 He held th' Atchievement was too glorious 
 
 For such a Conquerour, to meddle 
 
 198
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 With Petty Constable^ or Beadle -, 
 
 Or fly for Refuge to the Hostess 
 
 Of th' Inns of Court and Chanc'ry, Justice: 
 
 Who might, perhaps, reduce his Cause 
 
 To th' Ordeal Tryal of the Laws ; 
 
 Where none escape, but such as branded 
 
 With red-hot Irons have past Bare-handed ; 
 
 And if they cannot reade one Ferse 
 
 r th^ Psalms^ must sing it, and that's worse. 
 
 He therefore, judging it below him, 
 
 To tempt a shame the Devil might owe him^ 
 
 Resolv'd to leave the Squire for Bail 
 
 And Mainprise for him, to the Gaol^ 
 
 To answer, with his Vessel, all 
 
 That might disastrously befall. 
 
 He thought it now the fittest jundure, 
 
 To give the Lady a Rencounter ; 
 
 T' acquaint her with his Expedition, 
 
 And Conquest o're the fierce Magician j 
 
 Describe the manner of the Fray, 
 
 And shew the spoils he brought away; 
 
 His bloody Scourging aggravate, 
 
 The Number of the Blows and Weight : 
 
 All which might probably succeed. 
 
 And gain belief h'had done the deed. 
 
 Which he resolv'd t' enforce, and spare 
 
 No pawning of his Soul, to swear ; 
 
 But, rather then produce his Back, 
 
 To set his Conscience on the Rack : 
 
 And, in pursuance of his urging 
 
 Of Articles perform'd, and scourging. 
 
 And all things else upon his part, 
 
 Demand delivery of her Heart, 
 
 Her Goods, and Chattels, and good Graces, 
 
 And Person, up to his embraces. 
 
 Thought he, the ancient Errant Knights 
 
 Wone all their Ladies Hearts in Fights^ 
 
 And cut whole Giants into fitters. 
 
 To put them into amorous twitters ; 
 
 Whose stubborn Bowels scorn'd to yield 
 
 199
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Until their Gallants were half kill'd: 
 
 But when their Bones were drubb'd so sore 
 
 They durst not tuooe one Combat more, 
 
 The Ladies Hearts began to melt, 
 
 Subdu'd with Blows their Lovers felt. 
 
 So Spanish Heroes with their Lances 
 
 At once wound Bulls and Ladies fancies : 
 
 And he acquires the noblest Spouse 
 
 That Widow's greatest Herds of Cows. 
 
 Then what may I exped to doe, 
 
 Wh' have quell'd so vast a Buffalo? 
 
 Mean while the Squire was on his way. 
 The Knight's late Orders to obey; 
 Who sent him for a strong Detachment 
 Of Beadksy Constables and Watchmen^ 
 T' attack the Cunning-fnan for Plunder 
 Committed falsely on his Lumber, 
 When he, who had so lately sack'd 
 The Enemy, had done the Faft, 
 Had rifled all his Pokes and Fobs 
 Of Gimcracks^ JVhims and Jiggumbobs^ 
 Which he by hook or crook had gather'd, 
 And for his own Liventions father'd: 
 And when they should, at Gaol-delivery^ 
 Unriddle one another's Thievery, 
 Both might have evidence enough 
 To render neither halter-proof. 
 He thought it desperate to tarry, 
 And venture to be Accessary: 
 But rather wisely slip his Fetters, 
 And leave them for the Knight^ his Betters. 
 He call'd to mind th' unjust foul play 
 He would have offer'd him that day. 
 To make him curry his own Hide, 
 Which no Beast ever did beside, 
 Without all possible evasion. 
 But of the Riding Dispensation. 
 And therefore much about the hour, 
 The Knight (for reasons told before) 
 
 200
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 Resolv'd to leave him to the Fury 
 Of Justice and an unpock'd Jury. 
 The Squire concurr'd t' abandon him, 
 And serve him in the self-same Trim ; 
 T' acquaint the Lady what h'had done, 
 And what he meant to carry on; 
 What Project 'twas he went about, 
 When Sidrophfl and he fell out ; 
 His firm and stedfast Resolution, 
 To swear her to an Execution\ 
 To pawn his inward Ears, to marry her. 
 And Bribe the Devil himself to carry her. 
 In which both dealt, as if they meant 
 Their P^r/y Saints to represent. 
 Who never fail'd, upon their sharing 
 In any Prosperous Artns-Bcariug^ 
 To lay themselves out, to supplant 
 Each other Cosin-German Saint. 
 But e'r the Knight could doe his Part, 
 The Squire had got so much the Start, 
 H'had to the Lady done his Errand, 
 And told her all his Tricks afore-hand. 
 Just as he finish'd his Report, 
 The Knight alighted in the Court ; 
 And having ty'd his Beast t' a Pale, 
 And taken time for both to stale. 
 He put his Band and Beard in order. 
 The Sprucer to accost and board her ; 
 And now began t' approach the Door : 
 When she, wh' had spy'd him out before, 
 Convey'd th' Informer out of sight, 
 And went to entertain the Knight. 
 With whom encountring after Longees 
 Of hutnble and submissive Congees^ 
 And all due Ceremonies paid, 
 He stroak'd his Beard, and thus he said: 
 Madam, / do^ as is my Duty^ 
 Honour the Shadow of your Shoe-tye : 
 And nozv am come^ to bring your Ear 
 A Present you I be glad to hear; 
 
 201
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 At least I hope so. The thing's done^ 
 
 Or may I never see the Sun; 
 
 For which I humbly now demand 
 
 Perforynance at your gentle Hand: 
 
 And that youUd please to doe your part^ 
 
 As I have done fnine to my smart. 
 
 With that he shrugg'd his sturdy Back, 
 
 As if he felt his Shoulders ake. 
 
 But she, who well enough knew what 
 
 (Before he spoke) he would be at, 
 
 Pretended not to apprehend 
 
 The Mystery of what he mean'd : 
 
 And therefore wish'd him to expound 
 
 His dark expressions less profound. 
 
 Madam^ quoth he, / come to prove 
 
 How ynuch Vve suffer'' d for your Love^ 
 
 Which {like your Votary') to win^ 
 
 I have not spar^I my tatter'' d skin : 
 
 Andj for those meritorious Lashes^ 
 
 To claim your favour and good Graces. 
 
 Quoth she, / do remember once 
 
 I freed you from th' inchanted Sconce ; 
 
 And that you pro7nis\l^ for that favour., 
 
 To bind your Back to th'' good Behaviour., 
 
 And for my Sake and Service vow'd 
 
 To lay upon't a heavy Load., 
 
 And what ''twould bear /' a scruple prove., 
 
 As other Knights do oft 7nake love. 
 
 IVh'ich whether you have done or no., 
 
 Concerns your self not me., to kyiow. 
 
 But if you have., I shall confess., 
 
 y are honester then I could guess. 
 
 Quoth he, If you suspeSl my troth., 
 
 I cannot prove it but by Oath; 
 
 And, if you ?nake a question oyit, 
 
 ril pawn my Soul., that I have dont. 
 
 And he that makes his Soul his Surety., 
 
 I think, does give the best security. 
 
 Quoth she, Sofne say., the SouTs secure 
 
 Against Distress and Forfeiture; 
 
 202
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 Is free from ASiion^ ami exempt 
 
 From Execution and Contempt; 
 
 And to be summoned to appear 
 
 In th' other world, ^s illegal here: 
 
 And therefore few make any account^ 
 
 Int* what incumbrances they runt. 
 
 For most Men carry things so even 
 
 Between this JVorld^ and Hell and Fleaven, 
 
 Without the least offetice to either, 
 
 They freely deal in all together; 
 
 And equally abhor to quit 
 
 This World for both, or both for it. 
 
 And when they pawn and damn their Souls, 
 
 They are but Prisoners on Parols. 
 
 For that, quoth he, Uis rational. 
 
 They may be accomptable in all. 
 
 For when there is that intercourse 
 
 Between Divine and Humane Powers, 
 
 That all that we determine here 
 
 Commands Obedience every where; 
 
 When Penalties ynay be commuted 
 
 For Fines, or Ears, and Executed ; 
 
 It follows, nothing binds so fast 
 
 As Souls in Pawn and Mortgage past. 
 
 For Oaths are th* onely Tests and Scales 
 
 Of Right and Wrong, and True and False : 
 
 And there^s no other way to try 
 
 The Doubts of Law and fustice by. 
 
 Quoth she. What is it you would Swear? 
 
 There'' s no believing till I hear : 
 
 For till th* are understood, all Tales 
 
 {Like Nonsense) are not True, nor False. 
 
 Quoth he. When I resolvd f obey 
 
 What you commanded tlj" other day. 
 
 And to perform tny Exercise, 
 
 {As Schools are wont) for your fair eyes ; 
 
 T* avoid all Scruples in the Case, 
 
 I went to doe^t upon the Place. 
 
 But as the Castle is inchanted 
 
 By Sidrophel the Witch, and haunted 
 
 203
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 JVith rvil Spirits, as you knoiv. 
 
 Who took my Squire and me for two ; 
 
 Before Vd hardly time to lay 
 
 Aiy iveapons by, and disarray^ 
 
 I heard a Formidable Noise 
 
 Loud as the Stentrophonick Foice, 
 
 That Roar'd far off". Dispatch and Strip, 
 
 Pm ready with th'' Infernal Whip, 
 
 That shall devest thy Ribs of Skin, 
 
 To expiate thy Ungring Sin. 
 
 Th'' hast broke perfidiously thy Oath, 
 
 And not perfornid thy plighted Troth ; 
 
 But spar'd thy Renegade Back, 
 
 Where th* hadst so great a Prize at Stake. 
 
 Which now the Fates have order''d me 
 
 For Penance and Revenge to Flay, 
 
 Unless thou presently make haste. 
 
 Time is, Time was : and there it ceased. 
 
 With which though startled, I confess, 
 
 Tet th' Horrour of the thing was less 
 
 Then th' other Dismal apprehension 
 
 Of Interruption or Prevention. 
 
 And therefore snatching up the Rod, 
 
 I laid upon ?ny Back a load ; 
 
 Resolvd to spare no Flesh and Blond, 
 
 To make my Word and Honour good. 
 
 Till tir'd, and taking Truce at length. 
 
 For neiu Recruits of Breath and Strength, 
 
 I felt the Blows still plyd as fast. 
 
 As if th' had been by Lovers placd 
 
 In Raptures of Platonick Lashing, 
 
 And chast Contemplative Bardashing. 
 
 When facing hastily about. 
 
 To stand upon yny Guard and Scout, 
 
 I found th' Infernal Cunning-?nan, 
 
 And th' Under-witch, his Caliban, 
 
 With Scourges {like the Furies) arn^d. 
 
 That on my outward Quarters storm'd. 
 
 In hast I snatch'd my weapon up. 
 
 And gave their Hellish Rage a stop ; 
 
 204
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 CaWd thrice upon your Name^ and fell 
 Courageously on Sidrophel : 
 IVho now tramfornid himselj t'' a Bear, 
 Began to roar aloud and tear \ 
 IVhen I as furiously prest on^ 
 My weapon down his Throat to run^ 
 Laid hold on him : hut he broke loose^ 
 And turnd himself into a Goose, 
 Div'd under JVater, in a Pond, 
 To hide hitnself from being found. 
 In vain I sought him, hut as soon 
 As I perceiv'd him fed and gone, 
 Prepar^l with equal Haste and Rage, 
 His Under-Sorcerer t^ ifigfig^- 
 But bravely Scorning to defile 
 My Stvord with feeble bloud and vile ; 
 / judgd it better from a Quick- 
 Set-Hedge to cut a knotted Stick, 
 With which I furiously laid on ; 
 Till in a harsh and dolejull tone 
 It roard. Oh hold for pity. Sir, 
 I am too great a Sufferer, 
 Abus'd, as you have been, y a Witch, 
 But conjur''d inf a worse Caprich : 
 Who sends me out on many a fount. 
 Old Houses in the Night to haunt. 
 For opportunities /' i??iprove 
 Designs of Thievery or Love ; 
 With Drugs conveyed in Drink or Meat, 
 All Feats of Witches counterfeit ; 
 Kill Pigs and Geese with poudred Glass, 
 And make it for Inchantments pass ; 
 With Cow-itch meazle like a Leper, 
 And choak with Fumes of Guiny-Pepper ; 
 Make Leachers and their Punks with Dewtry 
 Commit phantastical Advowtry; 
 Bewitch Hermetick-men to run 
 Stark staring mad with Manicon ; 
 Believe Mechanick Virtuosi 
 Can raise ''em Mountains in Potosi ; 
 
 205
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And sillier then the Antick Fooh^ 
 
 Take Treasure for a Heap of Coals: 
 
 Seek out for Plants with Signatures^ 
 
 To Quack of Universal Cures; 
 
 JVith Figures ground on Panes of Glass^ 
 
 Make People on their Heads to pass; 
 
 And mighty heaps of Coyn increase^ 
 
 RefeSted from a single piece : 
 
 To drazv in Fools^ whose Natural Itches 
 
 Incline perpetually to IVitches; 
 
 And keep me in continual Fears, 
 
 And Danger of fny Neck and Ears : 
 
 TVhen less Delinquent have been scourg'd, 
 
 And Hemp on wooden Anvils forg'd. 
 
 Which others for Cravats have worn 
 
 About their Necks, and took a Turn. 
 
 I pity'd the sad Punishment 
 
 The zuretched Caitiffe underwent, 
 
 And held my Drubbing of his Bones 
 
 Too great an honour for Pult rones ; 
 
 For Knights are bound to feel no Blows 
 
 From paltry and unequal Foes, 
 
 Who when they slash and cut to pieces, 
 
 Doe all with civillest addresses : 
 
 Their Horses never give a blow. 
 
 But when they make a Leg and Bow. 
 
 I therefore spar'd his Flesh, and prest him 
 
 About the Witch with many a Question, 
 
 Quoth he, For many years he drove 
 
 A kind of Broking-Trade in hove, 
 
 Employ'd in all th' Intrigues and Trust 
 
 Of feeble Speculative Lust ; 
 
 Procurer to th"" Extravagancy 
 
 And crazy Ribaldry of Fancy. 
 
 By those the Devil had forsook, 
 
 As things below him, to provoke. 
 
 But b*ing a Virtuoso, able 
 
 To Smatter, Quack, and Cant, and Dabble, 
 
 He held his Talent most Adroit 
 
 For any Mystical Exploit ; 
 
 206
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 As others of his Tribe had done, 
 
 And raised their Prizes Three to One. 
 
 For one Predicting Pitnp has th'' Odds 
 
 Of Chauldrons of plain downright Bauds. 
 
 But as an Elf {the Devil's Falet) 
 
 Is not so slight a thing to get, 
 
 For those that doe his business best. 
 
 In Hell are us'd the ruggedest \ 
 
 Before so meriting a Person 
 
 Could get a Grant, hut in Reversion, 
 
 He served two Prentiships and longer 
 
 r th' Mysfry of a Lady-Monger. 
 
 For (as some write) A IVitche's Ghost, 
 
 As soon as from the Body loos' d. 
 
 Becomes a Puiny-Imp it self. 
 
 And is another JVitche's Elf 
 
 He after sea\_r'\ching far and near. 
 
 At length found one in Lancashire, 
 
 With whom he bargain d beforehand. 
 
 And, after Hanging, entertained. 
 
 Since which Ij has plaid a thousand Feats, 
 
 And praElis'd all Mcchanick Cheats : 
 
 Transformed hi?nself to th' ugly Shapes 
 
 Of Wolves, and Bears, Baboons, and Apes, 
 
 Which he has varfd more then Witches, 
 
 Or Pharaoh'; Wizards could their Sivitches ; 
 
 And all tvith whom /;' has had to doe, 
 
 Turrid to as Monstrous Figures too. 
 
 Witness my self, who?n /;' has abus'd. 
 
 And to this Beastly shape reducd. 
 
 By feeding me on Beans and Pease, 
 
 He crams in nasty Crevises, 
 
 And turns to Comfits by his Arts, 
 
 To make me relish for Disserts, 
 
 And one by one with Shame and Fear 
 
 Lick up the candid Provender. 
 
 Beside But as h' was running on, 
 
 To tell what other Feats h' had done. 
 
 The Lady stopt his full Career, 
 
 And told him, now 'twas time to hear: 
 
 207
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 If half those things (said she) be true^ 
 
 (fTh' are all (quoth he) / swear by you:) 
 
 Why then (said she) that Sidrophel 
 
 Has damn'd himself to tF Pit of Hell ; 
 
 JVho^ mounted on a Brooni^ the Nag 
 
 And Hackney of a Lapland Hagy 
 
 In Quest of you came hither Post^ 
 
 Within an Hour (Pfn sure) at most; 
 
 Who told me all you swear and say^ 
 
 Quite contrary another way; 
 
 Vow^dy that you came to him to knoiv 
 
 If you should carry me or no ; 
 
 And would have hir" d him and his Imps^ 
 
 To be your Match-makers and Pimps, 
 
 T' ingage the Devil on your side. 
 
 And steal {like Proserpine) your Bride. 
 
 But he disdaining to embrace 
 
 So filthy a Design and base, 
 
 Tou fell to vapouring and huffing, 
 
 And drew upon him, like a Puffin; 
 
 Surpriz^l him meanly, unprepar''d. 
 
 Before h'' had time to ?nount his Guard ; 
 
 And left him dead upon the Ground, 
 
 With many a Bruise and desperate wound: 
 
 Swore you had broke and robb''d his House, 
 
 And stole his Talismanique Louse, 
 
 And all his New-found Old Inventions, 
 
 With fat Felonious Intentions; 
 
 Which he could bring out, where he had, 
 
 And what he bought \m for and paid ; 
 
 His Flea, his Morpion, and Punese, 
 
 //' had gotten for his proper ease, 
 
 And all in perfeSf Minutes ynade. 
 
 By th' ablest Artists of the Trade ; 
 
 Which {he could prove it) since he lost. 
 
 He has been eaten up almost ; 
 
 And all together might amount 
 
 To many hundreds on account: 
 
 For which h* had got sufficient warrant 
 
 To seize the Malefa^ors Errant, 
 
 208
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 Without capacity of Bail, 
 
 But of a Cart\ or Horse^s Tail ; 
 
 And did not doubt to bring the JVretches^ 
 
 To serve for Pendulums to Watches ; 
 
 Which modern Virtuoso's say^ 
 
 Incline to Hanging every way. 
 
 Beside he swore, and swore 'twas true. 
 
 That e're he went in Quest of you. 
 
 He set a Figure to discover 
 
 If you were fed to Rye or Dover ; 
 
 And found it clear, that, to betray 
 
 Tour selves and me, you fled this way; 
 
 And that he was upon pursuit. 
 
 To take you somewhere hereabout. 
 
 He vow^l J) had had Intelligence 
 
 Of all that past before and since : 
 
 And found, that e're you came to him, 
 
 T' had been ingaging Life and Lim 
 
 About a case of tender Conscience, 
 
 Where both abounded in your own Sense ; 
 
 Till Ralpho, by his Light and Grace, 
 
 Had cleared all Scruples in the Case ; 
 
 And proved that you might swear, and own 
 
 Whatever' s by the JVicked done. 
 
 For which, most basely to requite 
 
 The Service of his Gifts and Light, 
 
 Tou strove t' oblige him by main force. 
 
 To scourge his Ribs in stead of yours. 
 
 But that he stood upon his Guard, 
 
 And all your vapouring outdared: 
 
 For which, between you both, the Feat 
 
 Has never been performed as yet. 
 
 While thus the Lady tallc'd, the Knight 
 
 Turn'd th' Outside of his eyes to white. 
 
 {As men of Inward Light are wont 
 
 To turn their Opticks in upon't.) 
 
 He wonder'd how she came to know 
 
 What he had done, and meant to doe: 
 
 Held up his Affidavit hand, 
 
 As if h' had been to be arraign'd: 
 
 209
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Cast tow'rds the Door a ghastly look, 
 
 In dread of Sidrophely and spoke. 
 
 Madam, if but one word be true 
 
 Of all the JFizard has told you. 
 
 Or but one single Ciixunistance 
 
 In all th' Apocryphal Ro?nance, 
 
 May dreadfull Earthquakes swallow down 
 
 This Vessely that is all your own\ 
 
 Or may the Heavens fall, and cover 
 
 These Reliqucs of your constant Lover. 
 
 Tou have provided well, quoth She, 
 
 (/ thank you) for your self and me; 
 
 And shewn your Presbyterian tuits 
 
 Jump punctual with the Jesuits. 
 
 A most compendious way and civil, 
 
 At once to cheat the World, the Devil, 
 
 And Heaven and Hell, your Selves and Those 
 
 On whom you vainly think f impose. 
 
 IVhy then (quoth he) may Hell surprize. 
 
 That trick (said she) will not pass twice: 
 
 Pve learn'' d how far Pm to believe 
 
 Tour pinning Oaths upon your Sleeve. 
 
 But there'' s a better way of Clearing 
 
 IVhat you would prove then downright Swearing j 
 
 For if you have performed the Feat, 
 
 The Blows are visible as yet 
 
 Enough to serve for satisfaction 
 
 Of nicest scruples in the Action. 
 
 And 'if you can produce those Knobs, 
 
 Although th'' are but the Witche's Drubs, 
 
 ril pass them all upon account, 
 
 As if your natural Self had don''t. 
 
 Provided that they pass th'' Opinion 
 
 Of able yuries of old JVomen, 
 
 Who, us\l to judge all mattW of Fa£is 
 
 For Bellies, ?tiay doe so for Backs. 
 
 Madam, (quoth he) your Love''s a Million, 
 To doe is less then to be zvilling. 
 As I am, were it in my potvr. 
 
 210
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 T^ obey what you command^ and more. 
 
 But for performing what you h'ld^ 
 
 I thank you as much as if I did. 
 
 Tou know I ought to have a care 
 
 To keep my JVounds from taking Air : 
 
 For fVounds in those that are all Heart 
 
 Are dangerous in any Part. 
 
 I find (quoth she) my Goods and Chattels 
 
 Are like to prove but tneer drawn Battels ; 
 
 For still the longer we contend^ 
 
 We are but farther off" the end. 
 
 But granting now we should agree^ 
 
 What is it you expert from me ? 
 
 Tour plighted Faith (quoth he) and Word 
 
 Tou past in Heaven on Record^ 
 
 Where all Contrads^ to have and i' hold^ 
 
 Are everlastingly inroVd. 
 
 And if "'tis counted Treason., here 
 
 To race Records^ ''tis much more there. 
 
 Quoth she, There are no Bargains driven 
 
 Nor Marriages clapp^l up in Heaven : 
 
 And that^s the reason^ as some guess. 
 
 There is no Heaven in Marriages ; 
 
 Two things that naturally press 
 
 Too narrowly, to be at ease. 
 
 Their business there is onely Love, 
 
 Which Marriage is not like t^ improve. 
 
 Love, thafs too generous, /' abide 
 
 To be against its Nature tfd : 
 
 For where ^tis of it self inclind. 
 
 It breaks loose when it is confined \ 
 
 And like the Soul, its harbourer. 
 
 Debarred the freedom of the Air, 
 
 Disdains against its will to stay. 
 
 But struggles out, and flies away : 
 
 And therefore never can comply, 
 
 T'' endure the Matriinonial tye. 
 
 That binds the Female and the Male, 
 
 Where th" one is but the other s Bail; 
 
 2 211
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Like Roman Gaolers^ when they slept^ 
 Chain d to the Prisoners they kept. 
 Of which the True and FaithfuWst Lover 
 Gives best security^ to suffer. 
 
 Marriage is but a Beast, some say. 
 
 That carries double in foul way ; 
 
 Jnd therefore ^tis not to h* admird. 
 
 It should so suddenly be tir''d: 
 
 A bargain at a venture made 
 
 Betiveen two Partners in a Trade, 
 
 i\^F^or whafs inferr''d by T"* have, and /' hold. 
 
 But something past away, and sold ?) 
 
 That as it makes but one of two. 
 
 Reduces all things else as low : 
 
 And at the best is but a Mart 
 
 Between the one and th'' other part. 
 
 That on the Marriage-day is paid. 
 
 Or hour of Death, the Bet it laid. 
 
 And all the rest of Better or worse 
 
 Both are but losers out of Purse. 
 
 For when upon their ungot Heirs 
 
 Tlj' intail themselves, and all thafs theirs, 
 
 IVhat blinder Bargain e're was driven. 
 
 Or JVager laid at six and seven ? 
 
 To pass themselves away, and turn 
 
 Their Children's Tenants e're th'' are born ? 
 
 Beg one another Idiot 
 
 To Guardians, e're they are begot \ 
 
 Or ever shall, perhaps, by tli one, 
 
 Who's bound to vouch ^em for his own. 
 
 Though got b'' hnpUcit Generation, 
 
 And General Club of all the Nation : 
 
 For which she^s fortify\l no less 
 
 Then all the Island, with four Seas ; 
 
 Exa^s the Tribute of her Dow^r 
 
 In ready Insolence and Pow''r ; 
 
 And makes him pass away, to Have 
 
 And Hold, to her, himself, her slave. 
 
 More wretched then an Ancient l^illain, 
 
 212
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 Condemn' d to Drudgery and Tilling; 
 
 While all he does upon the By^ 
 
 She is not hound to justifie^ 
 
 Nor at her proper cost and charge 
 
 Maintain the Feats he does at large. 
 
 Such hideous Sots luere those obedient 
 
 Old Fassals to their Ladies Regent ; 
 
 To give the Cheats the Eldest hand 
 
 In Foul Play, hy the Laws o" th"* Land \ 
 
 For which so many a legal Cuckold 
 
 Has been run down in Courts, and truckled. 
 
 A Laiu that most unjustly yokes 
 
 All Johns of Stiles to Joans of Nokes, 
 
 Without distinction of Degree, 
 
 Condition, Age, or Quality ; 
 
 Admits no Pozv^r of Revocation, 
 
 Nor valuable Consideration, 
 
 Nor JVrit of Error, nor Reverse 
 
 Of Judgement past For better or xuorse ; 
 
 Will not allow the Priviledges 
 
 That Beggars challenge under Hedges, 
 
 Who, zvhen th^ are griev\l, can make dead Horses 
 
 Their Spiritual Judges of Divorces ; 
 
 While nothing else but Rem in Re, 
 
 Can set the proudest Wretches free : 
 
 A Slavery beyond enduring. 
 
 But that ''tis of their own procuring. 
 
 As Spiders never seek the Fly, 
 
 But leave him, of himself f apply : 
 
 So men are by themselves bet ray'' d, 
 
 To quit the freedom they injofd. 
 
 And run their Necks into a Nooze, 
 
 They* Id break 'em after, to break loose. 
 
 As some, luhom Death would not depart, 
 
 Have done the Feat themselves by Art. 
 
 Like Indizn-Widows, gone to Bed 
 
 In Flaming Curtains to the Dead: 
 
 And Men as often dangled fort. 
 
 And yet will never leave the Sport. 
 
 213
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Nor do the Ladies ivant excuse 
 
 For all the Strategems they use, 
 
 To gain th^ advantage of the Set, 
 
 And lurch the Amorous Rook and Cheat. 
 
 For as a Pythagorean Soul 
 
 Runs through all Beasts, and Fish, and Fowl, 
 
 And has a smack of evry one : 
 
 So Love does, and has ever done. 
 
 And therefore, though 'tis ne'r so fond. 
 
 Takes strangely to the Vagabond. 
 
 'Tis but an Ague that's reverst, 
 IVhose hot fit takes the Patient first. 
 That after burns with cold as much 
 
 As Ir'n in Greenland does the touch ; 
 
 Melts in the Furnace of desire. 
 
 Like Glass, that's but the Ice of Fire ; 
 
 And when his heat of Fancy's over. 
 
 Becomes as hard and frail a Lover. 
 
 For zuhen he's ivith Love-pozuder laden. 
 
 And Prim'd, and Cock'd by Miss, or Madam, 
 
 The smallest sparkle of an Eye 
 
 Gives Fire to his Artillery; 
 
 And off the loud Oaths go, but luhile 
 
 Th' are in the very ASf, recoil. 
 
 Hence 'tis, so feiu dare take their chance 
 
 JFithout a sep'rate maintenance : 
 
 And IFidows, who have try'd one Lover, 
 
 Trust none again, till th' have made over. 
 
 Or if they doe, before they ynarry. 
 
 The Foxes tueigh the Geese they carry: 
 
 And e're the\) venture o're a stream, 
 
 Knoiv hoiv to size themselves and the?n. 
 
 JVhence witty'st Ladies always choose 
 
 To undertake the heaviest Goose. 
 
 For now the JVorld is grotvn so wary. 
 
 That fetv of either Sex dare marry. 
 
 But rather trust on tick t' Amours, 
 
 The Crose and Pile for Bett'r or TVorse : 
 
 A Mode that is held honourable, 
 
 As well as French and fashionable. 
 
 214
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 For when it falls out for the best^ 
 
 JVhere both are incommoded least^ 
 
 In Soul and Body two unite. 
 
 To make up one Hermaphrodite ; 
 
 Still Amorous, and fond, and Billing, 
 
 Like Philip and Mary on a Shilling, 
 
 Th' have more BunSiilio's and Capriches 
 
 Between the Petticoat and Breeches, 
 
 More petulant Extravagancies, 
 
 Then Poets make ''em in Romances. 
 
 Though, when their Heroes ''spouse the Dames, 
 
 IVe hear no more of Charms and Flames: 
 
 For then their late attracts decl'ine. 
 
 And turn as eager as Prick' d Wine ; 
 
 And all their Catterwauling tricks, 
 
 In earnest to as jealous Piques : 
 
 Which th^ Ancients wisely signify\J, 
 
 By th'' yellow Manto's of the Bride. 
 
 For fealousie is hut a kind 
 
 Of Clap and Grincam of the Mind, 
 
 The natural effeSf of Love, 
 
 As other Flames and Aches prove : 
 
 But all the mischief is, the doubt 
 
 On whose account they first broke out. 
 
 For though Chineses go to Bed, 
 
 And lie in in their Ladies stead. 
 
 And for the pains they took before, 
 
 Are nurs'd and painperd to doe more: 
 
 Our Green-men doe it tuorse, when th'' hap 
 
 To fall in labour of a Clap ; 
 
 Both lay the Child to one another : 
 
 But who's the Father, tuho the Mother, 
 
 'Tis hard to say in f/wltitudrs. 
 
 Or who imported the French Goods. 
 
 But Health and Sickness b^ing all one. 
 
 Which both ingag'd before to oxun. 
 
 And are not with their Bodies bound 
 
 To Worship onely when th'' arc sound ; 
 
 Both give and take their equal shares 
 
 Of all they sujfer by false J^ares : 
 
 215
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 A Fate no Lover can divert 
 
 With all bis caution, Wit, and Art. 
 
 For 'tis in vain to think to guess 
 
 At JFomen by Appearances, 
 
 That Paint and Patch their hnperfe^ions 
 
 Of Intelle^ual Complexions, 
 
 And daub their Tempers o'rc with JVashes 
 
 As artificial as their Faces ; 
 
 JFear under Vixard- Masks their Talents 
 
 And Mother Wits before their Gallants; 
 
 Until tV are hamper'' d in the Nooze, 
 
 Too fast to dream of breaking loose : 
 
 When all the Flaws they strove to hide 
 
 Are made unready, with the Bride, 
 
 That luith her Wedding-cloaths undresses 
 
 Her Complaisance and Gentilesses ; 
 
 Tries all her Arts, to take upon her 
 
 The Government from th' easie owner., 
 
 Until the Wretch is glad to wave 
 
 His Imufull Right, and turn her Slave ; 
 
 Finds all his Having, and his Holding, 
 
 Reduced /' eternal Noise and Scolding, 
 
 The Conjugal Petard, that tears 
 
 Down all PortcuUices of Ears, 
 
 And makes the Folly of one Tongue 
 
 For all their Leathern Shields too strong. 
 
 When onely arrnd with Noise and Nails, 
 
 The Female Silk-worms ride the Males, 
 
 Transforyn 'e?n into Rams and Goats, 
 
 Like Sirens with their charming Notes, 
 
 Stueet as a Screech-Owl's Serenade, 
 
 Or those inchanting ?>!urmurs made 
 
 By th' Husband Mandrake and the Wife, 
 
 Both bury'd (like themselves) alive. 
 
 Quoth he, these Reasons are but strains 
 Of wanton, over-heated Brains, 
 Which Ralliers in their Wit or Drink 
 Do rather wheedle with, then think. 
 Man was not Man in Paradise, 
 
 2l6
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 Untill he was Created twice., 
 
 And had his better half, his Bride, 
 
 Carved from th^ Original, his side, 
 
 T"* amend his Natural defeats. 
 
 And perfeSi his recruited Sex, 
 
 Inlarge his Breed, at once, and lessen 
 
 The Pains and labour of increasing, 
 
 By changing them for other cares. 
 
 As by his drfd-up Paps appears. 
 
 His Body, that stupendious Frame, 
 
 Of all the World the Anagram, 
 
 Is of two equal parts compact 
 
 In Shape and Symmetry exaSi. 
 
 Of which the heft and Female side 
 
 Is to the Manly Right a Bride, 
 
 Both joynd together with such Art, 
 
 That nothing else but Death can part. 
 
 Those Heavnly AttrafAs of yours, your Eyes, 
 
 And Face, that all the World surpri-Lc, 
 
 That dazle all that look upon ye. 
 
 And scorch all other Ladies Tawny; 
 
 Those ravishing and charming Graces, 
 
 Are all made up of two Half Faces, 
 
 That in a Mathematick Line, 
 
 Like those in other Heavens, join. 
 
 Of which if either grew alone, 
 
 ^Tzuould fright as much to look upon: 
 
 And so would that sweet Bud, your Lip, 
 
 Without the other s fellowship. 
 
 Our Noblest Senses aSt by Pairs, 
 
 Two Eyes to see, to hear two Ears ; 
 
 Th' Intelligencers of the Mind, 
 
 To wait upon the Soul design d. 
 
 But those that serve the Body alone. 
 
 Are single and confin\l to one. 
 
 The World is but two Parts, that ?neet. 
 
 And close at th'' Mquino^Jial, fit ; 
 
 And so are all the Works of Nature, 
 
 Stamfd with her signature on Matter : 
 
 Which all her Creatures, to a Leaf, 
 
 217
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Or smallest Blade of Grass, receive. 
 
 All which sufficiently declare 
 
 How intirely Marriage is her care, 
 
 The onely method that she uses, 
 
 In all the wonders she produces. 
 
 And those that take their rules frotn her. 
 
 Can never he deceiv\l, nor err. 
 
 For what secures the Civil Life 
 
 But pawns of Children and a Wife ; 
 
 That lie, like Hostages, at stake, 
 
 To pay for all Men undertake ? 
 
 To whom it is as necessary. 
 
 As to he born and hreath, to marry; 
 
 So Universal, all Mankind 
 
 In nothing else is of one mind. 
 
 For in what stupid Age, or Nation, 
 Was Marriage ever out of Fashion P 
 Unless among the Amazons, 
 Or Festal Friers, and Cloister^! Nuns, 
 Or Stoicks, zvho, to har the Freaks 
 
 And loose Excesses of the Sex, 
 Preposterously would have all Women 
 Turnd up to all the World in common. 
 Though Men xvould find such mortal Fewds 
 In sharing of their puhlick Goods, 
 ''Twould put them to more charge of Lives, 
 Then th" arc supplfd with noiu hy Wives ; 
 Until they Graze, and wear their Cloaths, 
 As Beasts doe, of their Native Growths : 
 For simple wearing of their Horns, 
 Will not suffice to serve their turns. 
 For what can we pretend /' inherit. 
 Unless the Marriage-deed will hear it ? 
 Could claim no Right to Lands or Rents, 
 But for our Parents settlements. 
 Had heen hut younger Sons o' tlj Earth, 
 Deharrd it all, hut for our Birth. 
 What Honours, or Estates of Peers 
 Could he preservd hut hy their Heirs ? 
 And zuhat security maintains 
 
 2l8
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 Their Right and Title^ but the Banes ? 
 What Crowns could be Hereditary^ 
 If greatest Monarchs did not ynarry^ 
 And with their Consorts consummate 
 Their weightiest Interests of State ? 
 For all th"" Amours of Princes are 
 But Guarranties of Peace or JVar. 
 Or what but Marriage has a Charm^ 
 The Rage of E?npires to disarm^ 
 Make Bloud and Desolation cease, 
 And Fire and Sword unite in Peace, 
 When all their fierce contests for Forrage 
 Conclude in Articles of Marriage ? 
 Nor does the Genial Bed provide 
 Less for the Interests of the Bride ; 
 Who else had not the least Pretence 
 T* as much as Due Benevolence ; 
 Could no more Title take upon her 
 To Vertue, ^lality, and Honour^ 
 Then Ladies Errant, unconfind. 
 And Feme-Coverts to all Mankind. 
 All Women would be of one piece. 
 The vertuous Matron, and the Miss ; 
 The Nymphs of chast Diana'i Train, 
 The same with those in LewlcnerV-Arwd' ; 
 But for the difference Marriage makes 
 ^Twixt Wives, and Ladies of the Lakes. 
 Besides, the joys of Place and Birth, 
 The Sexes Paradise on Earth ; 
 A privilege so sacred held. 
 That none will to their Mothers yield ; 
 But rather then not go before. 
 Abandon Heaven at the Door. 
 And if th^ indulgent Law allows 
 A greater freedom to the Spouse ; 
 The reason is, because the Wife 
 Runs greater hazards of her Life ; 
 Is trusted luith the Form and Matter 
 Of all Mankind by carefull Nature. 
 Where Man brings nothing but the Stuff', 
 
 219
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 She frames the luondrous Fabrkk off: 
 
 Who therefore^ in a streighty may freely 
 
 Demand the Ch'rgy of her Belly^ 
 
 And ynake it save her, the same way. 
 
 It seldom misses to betray. 
 
 Unless both parties wisely enter 
 
 Into the Liturgy-Indenture. 
 
 And though some fits of small contest 
 
 Sometimes fall out among the Best^ 
 
 That is no more then every Lover 
 
 Does from his Hackney-Lady siffer. 
 
 That makes no Breach of Faith and Love^ 
 
 But rather (sometime) serves /' improve. 
 
 For^ as in Runnings ev''ry Pace 
 
 Is but betiveen two Legs a Race^ 
 
 In tuhich both doe their uttermost 
 
 To get before., and win the Post ; 
 
 Tet when th' are at their race's ends., 
 
 Th* are still as kind and constant friends^ 
 
 And to relieve their weariness^ 
 
 By turns give one another ease : 
 
 So all those false Alarms of strife 
 
 Between the Husband and the Wife., 
 
 And little parrels., often prove 
 
 To be but new recruits of Love. 
 
 When those zuh'' are ahvays kind or coy., 
 
 In time must either Tire., or Cloy. 
 
 Nor are their loudest Clamours ynore.. 
 
 Then as th* are relish'' d., Sweety or Sour : 
 
 Like Musicky that proves bad., or good.. 
 
 According as ''tis understood. 
 
 In all Amours a Lover burns.. 
 
 With Frowns., as tvell as Smiles, by turns : 
 
 And Hearts have been as oft with sullen^ 
 
 As charming looks, surpri'iCd and stollen. 
 
 Then zuhy should 7nore bewitching Clamour 
 
 Some Lovers not as much enamour f 
 
 For Discords make the siueetest Airs, 
 
 And Curses are a kind of Prayers : 
 
 Too slight Alloys for all those grand 
 
 220
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO 1 
 
 Felicities by Marriage gaind. 
 
 For nothing else has po-wr to settle 
 
 Th* interests of Love perpetual. 
 
 An A61 and Deed that makes one Heart 
 
 Become anothers Counter-part^ 
 
 And passes Fines on Faith and Love^ 
 
 InroVd and Registred above, 
 
 To seal the slippery knot of Vows, 
 
 Which nothing else hut Death can loose. 
 
 And what Security's too strong. 
 
 To guard that gentle Heart from wrong. 
 
 That to its Friend is glad to pass 
 
 It self away, and all it has ; 
 
 And, like an Anchorite, gives over 
 
 This World, for th"" Heaven of a Lover ? 
 
 I grant (quoth she) there are some few 
 
 Who take that course, and find it true : 
 
 But Millions, whom the same does sentence 
 
 To Heaven b' another way. Repentance. 
 
 Loves Arrows are but shot at Rovers, 
 
 Though all they hit they turn to Lovers. 
 
 And all the weighty consequents 
 
 Depeyid upon yriore blind events 
 
 Then Gamesters, when they play a Set 
 
 With greatest cunning at Piquet, 
 
 Put out with caution, but take in 
 
 They know not what, unsight-unseen. 
 
 For what doe Lovers, when tlj are fast 
 
 In one another^ s Arms embrac't. 
 
 But strive to plunder and convey 
 
 Each other, like a Prize, away ? 
 
 To change the property of selves. 
 
 As sucking Children are by Elves ? 
 
 And if they use their Persons so. 
 
 What will they to their Fortunes doe ? 
 
 Their Fortunes! the perpetual aims 
 
 0/ all their Ecstasies and Flames. 
 
 For when the Money's on the Book, 
 
 And, All my Worldly Goods but spoke; 
 
 221
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 {The Formal Livery and Seisin 
 
 That puts a Lover in possession) 
 
 To that alone the Bridegroom's wedded^ 
 
 The Bride a Flam that's superseded. 
 
 To that their Faith is still made good, 
 
 And all the Oaths to us they vouPd. 
 
 For when we once resign our Powers, 
 
 W have nothing left we can call ours. 
 
 Our Money's now become the Miss, 
 
 Of all your Lives and Services ; 
 
 Jnd we forsaken, and Post-potCd, 
 
 But Bawds to what before we ownd. 
 
 Which as it made f at first Gallant us, 
 
 So now hires others to supplant us. 
 
 Until Uis all turned out of doors, 
 
 {As we had been) for new Amours. 
 
 For what did ever Heiress yet 
 
 By being born to Lordships get? 
 
 When the more Ladie slP is of Manners, 
 
 She's but exposed to more Trepanners, 
 
 Pays for their Projects and Designs, 
 
 And for her own destruction Fines, 
 
 And does but tempt them with her Riches, 
 
 To use her as the DevU does Witches j 
 
 Who takes it for a special Grace, 
 
 To be their Cully for a space. 
 
 That, when the time's expired, the Drazels 
 
 For ever may become his Vassals. 
 
 So she, bewitcFd by Rooks and Spirits, 
 
 Betrays her self, and all sh'' inherits 
 
 Is bought and sold, like stollen goods. 
 
 By Pimps, and Match-makers, and Bawds 
 
 Until they force her to convey. 
 
 And steal the Thief himself aivay. 
 
 These are the everlasting Fruits 
 
 Of all your passionate Love-suits, 
 
 Th'' effeSis of all your amorous Fancies 
 
 To Portions and Inheritances, 
 
 Tour Love-sick Raptures for Fruition 
 
 Of Dowry, 'Jointure, arid Tuition ; 
 
 222
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 To which you make Address and Courtships 
 
 And with your Bodies strive to Worships 
 
 That th'' Infant's Fortunes may partake 
 
 Of Love too^ for the Mother's sake. 
 
 For these^ you play at Purposes^ 
 
 And love your Loves with A's and B's: 
 
 For these^ at Beast and Uhombre wooe^ 
 
 And play for Love and Money too ; 
 
 Strive who shall be the ablest Man 
 
 At right Gallanting of a Fan^ 
 
 And who the most Gentilely bred 
 
 At sucking of a Wizard Bead, 
 
 How best /' accost us in all Quarters 
 
 T' our question-and-comniand New Garters^ 
 
 And solidly discourse upon 
 
 All sorts of Dresses Pro and Con. 
 
 For there's no Mystery nor Trade^ 
 
 But in the Art of Love is made. 
 
 And when you have more Debts to pay 
 
 Then Michaelmas and Lady-day, 
 
 And no way possible to do V, 
 
 But Love and Oaths and restless Suit, 
 
 To us y' ^pp^yy fo pay the Scores 
 
 Of all your cully d past Amours ; 
 
 A£l o're your Flames and Darts again, 
 
 And charge us with your wounds and pain, 
 
 Which others influences long since 
 
 Have charrnd your Noses with, and Shins ; 
 
 For which the Surgeon is unpaid. 
 
 And like to be, without our aid. 
 
 Lord ! what an Amorous thing is JVant ! 
 
 How Debts and Mortgages inchant I 
 
 JVhat Graces must that Lady have. 
 
 That can from Executions save ! 
 
 IVhat Charms, that can reverse Extent, 
 
 And null Decree and Exigent ! 
 
 What Magical Attracts and Graces, 
 
 That can redeem from Scire facias ; 
 
 Fro7n Bonds and Statutes can discharge. 
 
 And froju Contempts of Courts inlarge ! 
 
 223
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 These are the highest Excellencies 
 
 Of all our true or false Pretences. 
 
 And you would damn your selves, and swear 
 
 As much /' an Hostess Dowager, 
 
 Grown fat and pursy by Retail 
 
 Of Pots of Beer, and Bottled Ale j 
 
 And find her fitter for your turn, 
 
 For Fat is wondrous apt to burn j 
 
 TVho at your Flames would soon take Fire, 
 
 Relent, and melt to your desire. 
 
 And, like a Candle in the Socket, 
 
 Dissolve her Graces ini* your Pocket. 
 
 By this time 'twas grown dark and late, 
 When th' heard a knocking at the Gate, 
 Laid on in haste with such a powder, 
 The blows grew louder still and louder. 
 Which Hudibras, as if th' had been 
 Bestow'd as freely on his Skin, 
 Expounding by his Inward Light, 
 Or rather more Prophetick fright. 
 To be the Wizard, come to search. 
 And take him napping in the lurch, 
 Turn'd pale as Ashes, or a Clout ; 
 But why, or wherefore, is a doubt : 
 For Men will tremble, and turn paler. 
 With too much, or too little Fa lour. 
 His Heart laid on, as if it try'd 
 To force a passage through his Side, 
 Impatient (as he vow'd) to wait 'em. 
 But in a Fury to fly at 'em ; 
 And therefore beat, and laid about. 
 To find a cranny to creep out. 
 But she, who saw in what a taking 
 The Knight was by his furious Quaking, 
 Undaunted, cry'd. Courage, Sir Knight, 
 Know Vin resolved to break no Rite 
 Of Hospitality /' a Stranger, 
 But to secure you out of danger, 
 JVill here my self stand Sentinel, 
 
 224
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 To guard this Pass Against Sidrophel. 
 IVomen^ you know, do seldom fail. 
 To make the stoutest Men turn tail: 
 And bravely scorn to turn their Backs 
 Upon the desperafst Attacks. 
 
 At this the Knight grew resolute 
 As Iron-side or Hardy-knute ; 
 His fortitude began to rally, 
 And out he cri'd aloud, to sally. 
 But she besought him, to convey 
 His Courage rather out o'th' way. 
 And lodge in Ambush on the P'loor, 
 Or fortifi'd behind a Door, 
 That if the Enemy should enter. 
 He might relieve her in th' Adventure. 
 
 Mean while, they knock'd against the Door, 
 
 As fierce as at the Gate before ; 
 
 Which made the Renegado Knight 
 
 Relapse again t' his former fright. 
 
 He thought it desperate to stay 
 
 Till th' Enemy had forc'd his way, 
 
 But rather post himself, to serve 
 
 The Lady, for a fresh Reserve. 
 
 His Duty was not to dispute. 
 
 But what sh' had order'd execute : 
 
 Which he resolv'd in haste t' obey. 
 
 And therefore stoutly march'd awayj 
 
 And all h' encountred fell upon. 
 
 Though in the dark, and all alone. 
 
 Till Fear, that braver Feats performs 
 
 Then ever Courage dar'd in Arms, 
 
 Had drawn him up before a Pass, 
 
 To stand upon his Guard, and face. 
 
 This he courageously invaded. 
 
 And having enter'd, Barricado'd : 
 
 Insconc'd himself as formidable 
 
 As could be underneath a Table ; 
 
 Where he lay dowii in Ambush close, 
 
 225
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 T' expedl the arrival of his Foes. 
 
 Few minutes had he lain perdue, 
 
 To guard his desp'rate Avenue, 
 
 Before he heard a dreadfull shout. 
 
 As loud as putting to the Rout ; 
 
 With which impatiently alarm'd. 
 
 He fansi'd th' Enemy had storm 'd, 
 
 And after entring Sidrophel 
 
 Was fall'n upon the Guards pell-mell. 
 
 He therefore sent out all his Senses, 
 
 To bring him in Intelligences. 
 
 Which Vulgars out of ignorance 
 
 Mistake, for falling in a Trance : 
 
 But those that trade in Gcomancy^ 
 
 AfErm to be the strength of Fancy : 
 
 In which the Lapland-Magi deal, 
 
 And things incredible reveal. 
 
 Mean while the Foe beat up his Quarters, 
 
 And storm'd the Out-works of his Fortress. 
 
 And as another of the same 
 
 Degree, and Party, in Arms and Fame, 
 
 That in the same Cause had ingag'd. 
 
 And War with equal conduct wag'd, 
 
 By vent'ring onely but to thrust 
 
 His Head a Span beyond his Post, 
 
 B' a Genral of the Cavalicn 
 
 Was dragg'd through a Window by th' Ears 
 
 So he was serv'd in his Redoubt, 
 
 And by the other end pull'd out. 
 
 Soon as they had him at their mercy. 
 They put him to the Cudgel fiercely, 
 As if they scorn'd to trade and barter. 
 By giving or by taking Quarter : 
 They stoutly on his Quarters laid. 
 Until his Scouts came in t' his aid. 
 P'or when a Man is past his Sense^ 
 There's no way to reduce him thence. 
 But twindging him by th' Ears or Nose, 
 Or laying on of heavy Blows. 
 
 226
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 And if that will not doe the Deed, 
 To burning with Hot Irons proceed. 
 
 No sooner was he come t' himself, 
 
 But on his Neck a sturdy Elf 
 
 Clapp'd in a trice his cloven Hoof, 
 
 And thus attack'd him with Reproof. 
 
 Mortal^ thou art betrayed to us 
 
 B^ our Friendj thy evil Genius^ 
 
 Who for thy horrid Perjuries^ 
 
 Thy Breach of Faith^ and turning Lies, 
 
 The Brethrens Privilege, {against 
 
 The IVicked) on themselves, the Saints, 
 
 Has here thy wretched Carcass sent 
 
 For just Revenge and punishment \ 
 
 Which thou hast now no way to lessen. 
 
 But by an open, free Confession. 
 
 For if we catch thee failing once, 
 
 ''Twill fall the heavier on thy Bones. 
 
 What made thee venture to betray. 
 
 And filch the Ladie's Heart away? 
 
 To Spirit her to Matrimony — ? 
 
 That which contracts all Matches, Money. 
 
 It was th' inchantment of her Riches, 
 
 That made rn* apply /' your Croney Witches : 
 
 That in return would pay tF expence, 
 
 The Wear-and-tear of Conscience ; 
 
 Which I could have patched up, and turn'd. 
 
 For th* hundredth part of what I earned. 
 
 Didst thou not love her then ? speak true. 
 
 No more (quoth he) then I love you. 
 
 How wouldst th'' have us'd her, and her Money ? 
 
 First, turn'd her up to Alimony ; 
 
 And laid her Dowry out in Law, 
 
 To null her fointure with a Flaw, 
 
 Which I before-hand had agreed 
 
 T' have put, of purpose, in the Deed ; 
 
 And bar her Widow'' s-mak'ing-over 
 
 T^ a Friend in Trust, or private Lover. 
 
 What made thee pick and chuse her out, 
 
 P 2 
 
 227
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 T'' imploy their Sorceries about f 
 
 That which makes Gamesters play with those 
 
 JVho have kast IVit^ and most to lose. 
 
 But didst thou scourge thy Vessel thus. 
 
 As thou hast damnd thy self to us ? 
 
 I see you take me for an Ass : 
 
 ^Tis true^ I thought the Trick would pass 
 
 Upon a Woman well enough^ 
 
 As '/ has been often found by Proof; 
 
 Whose Humours are not to he won 
 
 But when they are imposed upon. 
 
 For Love approves of all they doe 
 
 That stand for Candidates^ and wooe. 
 
 Why didst thou forge those shamefull Lies., 
 
 Of Bears and Witches in Disguise ? 
 
 That is no more then Authours give 
 
 The Rabble credit to Believe ; 
 
 A Trick of Following their Leaders^ 
 
 To entertain their Gentle Readers. 
 
 And we have now no other way 
 
 Of passing all we doe or say j 
 
 Which when ^tis natural and true^ 
 
 Will be believd F a very few. 
 
 Beside the danger of offence^ 
 
 The fatal enemy of Sense. 
 
 Why didst thou chuse that cursed Sin^ 
 
 Hypocrisie^ to set up in ? 
 
 Because it is the thrivin^st Calling., 
 
 The onely Saints-Bell that rings all in^ 
 
 In which all Churches are concern'd., 
 
 And is the easiest to be learn\L 
 
 For no degrees^ unless th* imploy V, 
 
 Can ever gain much^ or enjoy V. 
 
 A Gift that is not onely able 
 
 To domineer among the Rabble., 
 
 But by the Law''s impowrd to rout 
 
 And aw the greatest that stand out. 
 
 Which few hold forth against., for fear 
 
 Their hands should slip., and come too near. 
 
 For no Sin else among the Saints 
 
 228
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 Is taught so tenderly against. 
 
 What made thee break thy Plighted Vows? 
 
 That which makes others break a House^ 
 
 And hang^ and scorn ye all^ before 
 
 Endure the Plague of being poor. 
 
 Quoth he, / see you have more Tricks 
 
 Then all our doting Politicks^ 
 
 That are grown old^ and out of Fashion., 
 
 Compar'd with your new Reformation : 
 
 That we must come to School to you., 
 
 To learn your more refind., and New. 
 
 Quoth he, If you ivill give me leave 
 
 To tell you what I now perceive, 
 
 TouUd find your self an arrant Chouse, 
 
 If f were but at a Meeting-House. 
 
 'Tis true, quoth he, we ne'r come there. 
 
 Because zf ' have let them out by th" year. 
 
 Truly, quoth he, you cant imagine 
 
 What wondrous things they will engage in : 
 
 That as your Fellow-Fiends in Hell 
 
 Were Angels all before they fell ; 
 
 So you are like to be agen 
 
 Compared with th' Angels of us Men. 
 
 Quoth he, / am resolved to be 
 
 Thy Scholar in this Mystery; 
 
 And therefore first desire to knoxv 
 
 Some Principles on which you go. 
 
 What makes a Knave a Child of God, 
 
 And one of us P A Livelihood. 
 
 What renders Beating out of Brains 
 And Murther Godliness ? — Great Gains. 
 
 What's tender Conscience? 'TV; a Botch 
 
 That will not bear the gentlest touch, 
 But breaking out, dispatches more 
 Then th* Epidemicar st Plague-sore. 
 What makes y'' encroach upon our Trade, 
 
 And damn all others ? To be paid. 
 
 What's Orthodox and true Believing 
 
 Against a Conscience? A good Living. 
 
 What makes Rebelling against Kings 
 
 229
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 A Good Old Cause ? Administrings. 
 
 What makes all Do^rines plain and clear f 
 
 About Two hundred pounds a year. 
 
 And that which was provd true before^ 
 
 Pr'ove false again ? Two hundred ?nore. 
 
 What makes the Breaking of all Oaths 
 
 A holy Duty ? Food and Cloaths. 
 
 What Laws and Freedom^ Persecution? 
 
 B'ing out of Pow^r^ and Contribution. 
 
 What makes a Church a Den of Thieves F 
 
 A Dean and Chapter^ and White Sleeves. 
 
 And what would serve^ if those were gone^ 
 
 To fnake it Orthodox P Our own. 
 
 What makes Morality a Crime^ 
 
 The most notorious of the Time F 
 
 Morality^ which both the Saints 
 
 And Wicked too cry out against? 
 
 'Cause Grace and Fertue are within 
 
 Prohibited Degrees of Kin : 
 
 And therefore no true Saint allows 
 
 They should be suffered to espouse. 
 
 For Saints can need no Conscience 
 
 That with Morality dispense; 
 
 As Vertue's impious^ when "'tis rooted 
 
 In Nature onel\ and not imputed. 
 
 But why the Wicked should doe so^ 
 
 We neither know^ nor care to do. 
 
 What's Liberty of Conscience^ 
 
 V th' Natural and Genuine Sense ? 
 
 'Tis to restore with ?nore security 
 
 Rebellion to its ancient Purity; 
 
 And Christian Liberty reduce 
 
 To th' elder PraSfice of the Jews. 
 
 For a Large Conscience is all one^ 
 
 And signifies the same with None. 
 
 It is enough (quoth he) for once^ 
 
 And has reprieved thy forfeit Bones : 
 
 Nick Machiavel had nc'r a Tricky 
 
 {Though he gave 's Name to our Old Nick) 
 
 230
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 But was below the least of thcse^ 
 That pass P th' JVorld for Holiness. 
 
 This said, the Furies and the Light 
 In th* instant vanish'd out of sight ; 
 And left him in the dark alone. 
 With stinks of Brimstone, and his own. 
 
 The Queen of Nighty whose large Command 
 
 Rules all the Sea and half the Land, 
 
 And over moist and crazy Brains 
 
 In high Spring-tides at Midnight reigns, 
 
 Was now declining to the West, 
 
 To go to Bed and take her rest. 
 
 When Hudibras^ whose stubborn Blows 
 
 Deni'd his Bones that soft repose. 
 
 Lay still expe6ling worse and more, 
 
 Stretch'd out at length upon the Floor : 
 
 And though he shut his Eyes as fast 
 
 As if h' had been to sleep his last, 
 
 Saw all the Shapes that Fear or Wizards 
 
 Do make the Devil wear for Vizards. 
 
 And pricking up his Ears, to hark 
 
 If he could hear too in the dark. 
 
 Was first invaded with a Groan, 
 
 And after, in a feeble Tone, 
 
 These trembling words. Unhappy JVretch! 
 
 What hast thou gotten by this Fetch f 
 
 Or all thy Tricks in this New Trade^ 
 
 The Holy Brotherhood o' th' Blade? 
 
 By Santring still on some Adventure^ 
 
 And growing to thy Horse a Centaur^ 
 
 To stuff thy Skin with swelling Knobs 
 
 Of cruel and hard-wooded Drubs ? 
 
 For still th"" hast had the luorst out yet^ 
 
 As well in Conquest as defeat. 
 
 Night is the Sabbath of Mankind^ 
 
 To rest the Body and the Mind: 
 
 JVhich now thou art deni'd to keep, 
 
 And cure thy laboured Corps with Sleep. 
 
 231
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 The Knight, who heard the words, explain'd 
 
 As meant to him this Reprimand, 
 
 Because the Charadler did hit 
 
 Point-blank upon his Case so fit ; 
 
 Believ'd it was some drolling Sprite 
 
 That staid upon the Guards that Night, 
 
 And one of those h' had seen, and felt 
 
 The Drubs he had so freely dealt. 
 
 When, after a short Pause and Grone, 
 
 The dolefiill Spirit thus went on. 
 
 This 'tis /' ifigage with Dogs and Bears 
 
 Pelmell together by the Ears ; 
 
 And after painfull Bangs and Knocks^ 
 
 To lie in Limbo in the Stocks ; 
 
 And from the Pinacle of Glory^ 
 
 Fall headlong into Purgatory: 
 
 (Thought he, This Devil's full of Malice, 
 
 That on my late Disasters Rallies.) 
 
 Condefnnd to Whipping^ but declind it^ 
 
 By being more Heroick-yninded ; 
 
 And at a Riding handled worse, 
 
 With Treats more slovenly and course ; 
 
 Ingag'd with Fiends in stubborn JVars, 
 
 And hot Disputes with Conjurers ; 
 
 And when tV hadst bravely won the day, 
 
 JVast fain to steal thyself away. 
 
 (I see, thought he, this shameless Elf 
 
 Would fain steal me too from my self, 
 
 That impudently dares to own 
 
 What I have sufter'd for and done :) 
 
 And now but ventring to betray. 
 
 Hast met with Vengeance the same way. 
 
 Thought he. How does the Devil know 
 
 What 'twas that I design'd to doe ? 
 
 His Office of Intelligence, 
 
 His Oracles are ceas'd long since : 
 
 And he knows nothing of the Saints, 
 
 But what some treacherous Spy acquaints. 
 
 This is some Pettifogging Fiend, 
 
 Some Under-Door-keeper's Friend's Friend, 
 
 232
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 That undertakes to understand, 
 
 And juggles at the Second hand; 
 
 And now would pass for Spirit Po^ 
 
 And all mens dark Concerns fore-know. 
 
 I think I need not fear him for't : 
 
 These Rallying Devils doe no hurt. 
 
 With that he rouz'd his drooping Heart, 
 
 And hastily cri'd out, What art? 
 
 A Wretch (quoth he) whotn want of Grace 
 
 Has brought to this unhappy Place. 
 
 I do believe thce^ quoth the Knight, 
 
 Thus far Vm sure th' art in the Right ; 
 
 And know what ^tis that troubles thee^ 
 
 Better then thou hast guest of me. 
 
 Thou art some paltry Black-guard Sprite^ 
 
 Condemn d to Drudgery in the Nighty 
 
 That hast no work to doe in th'' House^ 
 
 Nor Half-penny to drop in Shoes : 
 
 Without the raising of which Sum^ 
 
 Tou dare not be so troublesome^ 
 
 To pinch the Slatterns black and blue^ 
 
 For leaving you their Work to doe. 
 
 This is your business^ good Pug Robin, 
 
 And your Diversion dull Dry Bobbing ; 
 
 T' intice Fanaticks in the Dirt, 
 
 And wash 'em clean in Ditches for V. 
 
 Of which conceit you are so proud ^ 
 
 At evry Jest you laugh aloud. 
 
 As now you would have done by me, 
 
 But that I barrd your Rallery. 
 
 Sir, (quoth the Voice) y' are no such Sophy 
 
 As you would have the World Judge of ye. 
 
 If you design to weigh our Talents 
 
 /' th' Standard of your own false Balance, 
 
 Or think it possible to know 
 
 Us Ghosts as well as we do you : 
 
 We, who have been the everlasting 
 
 Companions of your Drubs and Basting, 
 
 And never left you in Contest 
 
 233
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 TVith Male or Female^ Man or Beast^ 
 But proved as true f ye and intire 
 In all adventures as your Squire. 
 
 Quoth he, That may he said as true 
 
 By th' idlest Pug of all your Crew : 
 
 For none could have hetrafd us worse 
 
 Then those Allies of ours and yours. 
 
 But I have sent him for a Token 
 
 To your Low-Countrey Hogen Mogen, 
 
 To whose Infernal Shores I hope 
 
 HeU swing like Skippers in a Rope. 
 
 And if y* have been more just to me 
 
 {As I am apt to think) then he, 
 
 I am afraid it is as true, 
 
 IVhat th'' Ill-affeSfed say of you, 
 
 T^ have ''spousal the Covenant and Cause, 
 
 By holding up your Cloven Paws. 
 
 Sir, quoth the Voice, Uis true, I grant, 
 
 IVe made and took the Covenant. 
 
 But that no more concerns the Cause, 
 
 Then other Perfries doe the Laws, 
 
 Which when thefre prov'd in open Court, 
 
 Wear wooden Peccadillo'' s for''t. 
 
 And that's the Reason Covenanters 
 
 Held up their Hands, like Rogues at Ban 
 
 I see, quoth Hudihras, from whence 
 
 These Scandals of the Saints commence. 
 
 That are hut natural EffeSis 
 
 Of Satan'j Malice, and his SeSis, 
 
 Those Spider-Saints, that hang hy Threds 
 
 Spun out of th'' Entrals of their Heads. 
 
 Sir, quoth the Voice, that may as true 
 
 And properly he said of you ; 
 
 Whose Talents 7nay compare ivith either, 
 
 Or hoth the other put together. 
 
 For all the Independents doe 
 
 Is onely what you forced them to. 
 
 You, who are not content alone 
 
 With Tricks to put the Devil down. 
 
 234
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 But must have Armies rais'd^ to hack 
 The Gospel-work you undertake: 
 As if Artillery, and Edge-tools 
 Were th' onely Engines to save Souls. 
 While He, poor Devil, has no poivr 
 By force to run down and devour ; 
 Has ne'r a Classis, cannot sentence 
 To Stools or Poundage of Repentance ; 
 Is ti\l up onely to Design, 
 T' Intice, and Tempt, and Undermine: 
 In which you all his Arts out-doe. 
 And prove your selves his Betters too. 
 Hence ^tis Possessions, doe less evil 
 Then mere Temptations of the Devil, 
 Which all the horrid'' st Actions done, 
 Are chared in Courts of Law upon ; 
 Because unless you help the Elf, 
 He can doe little of himself : 
 And therefore where he's best Possest, 
 ASfs most against his Interest ; 
 Surprises none hut those wh'' have Priests 
 To turn him out, and Exorcists, 
 Supply d with Spiritual Provision, 
 And Magazines of Ammunition, 
 With Crosses, Re licks. Crucifixes, 
 Beads, Pictures, Rosaries, and Pixes, 
 The Tools of working out Salvation 
 By meer Mechanick Operation, 
 With Holy Water, like a Sluce, 
 To overflow all Avenues. 
 But those wh'' are utterly unarnid 
 T^ oppose his Entrance if he stormed. 
 He never offers to surprize. 
 Although his falsest Enemies ; 
 But is content to he their Drudge, 
 And on their Errands glad to trudge. 
 For zvhere are all your Forfeitures 
 Intrusted in safe hands, but ours P 
 Who are but "Jailours of the Holes 
 And Dungeons where you clap up Souls ; 
 
 235
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Like Under-keepers^ turn the Keys 
 T^ your Mittimus Anathemaes \ 
 And never boggle to restore 
 The Members you deliver o're 
 Upon Demand^ with fairer Justice 
 Then all your Covenanting Trustees : 
 Unless to punish them the worse^ 
 you put them in the Secular Pow^rs^ 
 And pass their Souls as some demise 
 The same Estate in Mortgage twice^ 
 When to a Legal Utlegation 
 Tou turn your Excommunication^ 
 And for a Groat unpaid that^s due, 
 Distrain on Soul and Body too. 
 
 Thought he, 'Tis no mean part of civil 
 
 State-Prudence, to cajoul the Devil, 
 
 And not to handle him too rough. 
 
 When h' has us in his cloven Hoof. 
 
 'Tis true, quoth he, that intercourse 
 
 Has past between your Friends and ours ; 
 
 That as you trust us in our way, 
 
 To raise your Members, and to lay, 
 
 TVe send you others of our own, 
 
 Denouncd to Hang themselves or Drown, 
 
 Or, frighted with our Oratory, 
 
 To leap down headlong ynany a story; 
 
 Have us^l all means to propagate 
 
 Tour mighty interests of State, 
 
 Laid out our Spiritual Gifts to further 
 
 Tour great designs of Rage and Murther. 
 
 For if the Saints are nanid from Blood, 
 
 JVe oneV have made that Title good: 
 
 And if it were but in our power, 
 
 TVe should not scruple to doe more. 
 
 And not be half a Soul behind 
 
 Of all Dissenters of Mankind. 
 
 Right, quoth the Voice, and as I scorn 
 
 To be ungratefull in return 
 
 Of all those kind good Offices, 
 
 236
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO I 
 
 /'// free you out of this Distress^ 
 
 And set you down in safetyy where^ 
 
 It is no time to tell you here. 
 
 The Cock crows and the Morn draws on^ 
 
 When ^tis decreed I must be gone : 
 
 And if I leave you here till Day^ 
 
 TouU find it hard to get away. 
 
 With that the Spirit grop'd about 
 
 To find th' Inchanted Hero out, 
 
 And try'd with haste to lift him up ; 
 
 But found his Forlorn Hope^ his Croop, 
 
 Unserviceable with Kicks and Blows 
 
 Receiv'd from hardned-hearted foes. 
 
 He thought to drag him by the Heels, 
 
 Like Gresham Carts, with Legs for Wheels. 
 
 But Fear, that soonest cures those Sores, 
 
 In danger of Relapse to worse. 
 
 Came in t' assist him with its Aid, 
 
 And up his sinking Vessel weigh'd. 
 
 No sooner was he fit to trudge, 
 
 But both made ready to dislodge. 
 
 The Spirit hors'd him like a Sack, 
 
 Upon the Vehicle^ his Back, 
 
 And bore him headlong into th' Hall, 
 
 With some few Rubs against the Wall. 
 
 Where finding out the Postern lock'd. 
 
 And th' Avenues as strongly block'd, 
 
 H' attack'd the Window, storm'd the Glass, 
 
 And in a moment gain'd the Pass, 
 
 Through which he dragg'd the worsted Souldiers 
 
 Fore-quarters out by th' Head and Shoulders j 
 
 And cautiously began to scout, 
 
 To find their Fellow-Cattel out. 
 
 Nor was it half a Minute's Quest, 
 
 E're he retriev'd the Champion's Beast, 
 
 Ty'd to a Pale in stead of Rack, 
 
 But ne'r a Saddle on his Back, 
 
 Nor Pistols at the Saddle-bow, 
 
 Convey'd away the Lord knows how. 
 
 He thought it was no time to stay, 
 
 237
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And let the Night too steal away, 
 But in a trice advanc'd the Knight 
 Upon the Bare Ridge bolt upright. 
 And groping out for Ralpbo's Jade, 
 He found the Saddle too was straid, 
 And in the place a Lump of Sope, 
 On which he speedily leap'd up ; 
 And turning to the Gate the Rein, 
 He Kick'd and Cudgell'd on amain. 
 While Hudibras, with equal haste, 
 On both sides laid about as fast. 
 And spurr'd as Jockies use, to break, 
 Or PadderSj to secure a Neck. 
 Where let us leave them for a time. 
 And to their Churches turn our Rhytne ; 
 To hold forth their declining State, 
 Which now come near an Even Rate. 
 
 238
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 THE ARGU M ENT 
 OF THE 
 
 SECOND CANTO 
 
 Of the Third Part. 
 
 The Saints engage in fierce Contests 
 About their Carnal Interests ; 
 To share their Sacrilegious PreySy 
 According to their Rates of Grace ; 
 Their various Frenzies to Reform^ 
 When Cromwel left them in a Storm : 
 Till, in th' Effigie ^/ RUMPS, the Rabble 
 Burns all their Grandees of the Cabal. 
 
 CANTO II. 
 
 THE Learned write, An InseSl Breeze 
 Is but a Mungrel Prince of Bees, 
 That falls, before a Storm, on Cows, 
 And stings the Founders of his House ; 
 From whose corrupted Flesh that Breed 
 Of Vermine did at first proceed. 
 So, e'r the Storm of War broke out. 
 Religion spawn 'd a various Rout, 
 Of Petulant Capricious Sefts, 
 The Maggots of Corrupted Texts, 
 That first run all Religion down, 
 And after every Swarm its own. 
 For as the Persian Magi once 
 Upon their Mothers got their Sens,
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Who were incapable t' injoy 
 
 That Empire any other way : 
 
 So Preshyte?- begot the other 
 
 Upon the Good Old Cause^ his Mother, 
 
 That bore them like the Devil's Dam, 
 
 Whose Son and Husband are the same. 
 
 And yet no nat'ral Tie of Blood, 
 
 Nor Intr'est for their common good, 
 
 Could, when their Profits interfear'd, 
 
 Get Quarter for each other's Beard. 
 
 For when they thriv'd, they never fadg'd. 
 
 But onely by the ears engag'd : 
 
 Like Dogs that snarl about a Bone, 
 
 And play together when th' have none. 
 
 As by their truest Chara6lers, 
 
 Their constant A6lions, plainly appears. 
 
 Rebellion now began for lack 
 
 Of Zeal and Plunder to grow slack ; 
 
 The Cause and Covenant to lessen, 
 
 And Providence to b' out of Season : 
 
 For now there was no more to purchase 
 
 O' th' King's Revenue and the Churche's, 
 
 But all divided, shar'd, and gone. 
 
 That us'd to urge the Brethren on. 
 
 Which forc'd the Stubborn'st for the Cause 
 
 To cross the Cudgels to the Laws ; 
 
 That what by breaking them t' had gain'd. 
 
 By their Support might be maintain'd : 
 
 Like Thieves, that in a Hemp-plot lie, 
 
 Secur'd against the Hue-and-cry. 
 
 For Presbyter and Independent 
 
 Were now turn'd Plaintiff and Defendant^ 
 
 Laid out their Apostolick Fun£tions 
 
 On Carnal Orders and Injunctions^ 
 
 And all their Precious Gifts and Graces 
 
 On Out-lawries and Scire facias ; 
 
 At MichaePs Term had many a Trial, 
 
 Worse then the Dragon and St. Michael., 
 
 Where thousands fell, in shape of Fees, 
 
 240
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 Into the Bottomless Abyss. 
 For when, hke Brethren and Friends, 
 They came to share their Dividends, 
 And ev'ry Partner to possess 
 His Church and State Joint-Purchaces, 
 In which the Ablest Saint and Best 
 Was nam'd in Trust by all the rest, 
 To pay their Money, and, in stead 
 Of ev'ry Brother, pass the Deed ; 
 He straight converted all his Gifts 
 To pious Frauds and holy Shifts, 
 And settled all the others Shares 
 Upon his outward Man and 's Heirs ; 
 Held all they claim'd as Forfeit Lands, 
 Deliver'd up into his hands. 
 And past upon his Conscience, 
 By Pre-intail of Providence ; 
 Impeach'd the Rest for Reprobates, 
 That had no Titles to Estates, 
 But by their Spiritual Attaints 
 Degraded from the Right of Saints. 
 This being reveal'd, they now begun 
 With Law and Conscience to fall on j 
 And laid about as hot and Brainsick 
 As th' Utter Barrister of Swanswick ; 
 Ingag'd with Money-bags, as bold 
 As men with Sand-bags did of old ; 
 That brought the Lawyers in more Fees, 
 Then all unsanctifi'd Trustees : 
 Till he who had no more to show 
 I' th' Case, receiv'd the overthrow ; 
 Or both sides having had the worst. 
 They parted as they met at first. 
 
 Poor Presbyter was now Reduc'd, 
 Secluded, and Cashier'd, and Chews'd, 
 Turn'd out and Excommunicate 
 From all Affairs of Church and State, 
 Reform 'd t' a Reformado Saint, 
 And glad to turn Itinerant, 
 
 Q. 241
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 To strowl and teach from Town to Town, 
 And those he had taught up Teach down, 
 And make those Uses serve ap;en 
 Against the New-inlightned men. 
 As fit as when at first they were 
 Reveal'd against the Cavalier ; 
 Damn Anabaptist and Fanatick^ 
 As pat as Popish and Prelatick ; 
 And with as little variation, 
 To serve for any Seft i' th' Nation. 
 The Good Old Causi\ which some believe 
 To be the Dev'l that tempted Eve 
 With Knowledge, and does still invite 
 The World to Mischief with New Light, 
 Had store of Money in her Purse, 
 When he took her for hetfr or worse ; 
 But now was grown Deform'd and Poor, 
 And fit to be turn'd out of Door. 
 
 The Independents (whose first station 
 
 Was in the Rere of Reforrnation^ 
 
 A Mungrel kind of Church-Dragoons^ 
 
 That serv'd for Horse and Foot at once. 
 
 And in the Saddle of one Steed 
 
 The Saracen and Christian rid. 
 
 Were Free of ev'ry Spiritual Order, 
 
 To Preachy and Fight^ and Pray^ and Murther) 
 
 No sooner got the Start to lurch 
 
 Both Disciplines, of JVar and Churchy 
 
 And Providence enough to run 
 
 The chief Commanders of 'em down. 
 
 But carried on the War against 
 
 The Common Enemy o' th' Saints ; 
 
 And in a while prevail'd so far, 
 
 To win of them the Game of War, 
 
 And be at Liberty once more, 
 
 T' Attack themselves as th' had before. 
 
 For now there was no Foe in Arms, 
 T' unite their Factions with Alarms, 
 
 242
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 But all reduc'd and overcome, 
 
 Except their worst, thetjiselves at home^ 
 
 Wh' had compast all they Praid, and Swore, 
 
 And Fought, and Preach'd, and Plunder'd for, 
 
 Subdu'd the Nation, Church and State, 
 
 And all things but their Laws and Hate. 
 
 But when they came to treat and transact. 
 
 And share the spoils of all th' had ransackt, 
 
 To Botch up what th' had torn and rent. 
 
 Religion and the Government^ 
 
 They met no sooner, but prepar'd 
 
 To pull down all the War had spar'd; 
 
 Agreed in nothing, but t' Abolish^ 
 
 Subvert^ Extirpate^ and Demolish. 
 
 For Knaves and Fools b'ing near of Kin, 
 
 As Dutch-Boors are t' a Sooterkin^ 
 
 Both Parties join'd to doe their best. 
 
 To Damn the Publick Interest ; 
 
 And Hearded onely in Consults 
 
 To put by one anothers Bolts, 
 
 T' out-cant the Babylonian Labourers, 
 
 At all their Dialefts of Jabberers, 
 
 And tug at both ends of the Saw, 
 
 To tear down Government and Law. 
 
 For as two Cheats, that play one Game, 
 
 Are both defeated of their Aim : 
 
 So those who play a Game of State^ 
 
 And onely Cavil in Debate, 
 
 Although there's nothing lost nor won. 
 
 The Publick Business is undone, 
 
 Which still the longer 'tis in doing, 
 
 Becomes the surer way to Ruine. 
 
 This when the Royalists perceiv'd, 
 
 (Who to their Faith as firmly cleav'd, 
 
 And own'd the Right they had paid down 
 
 So dearly for, The Church and Croiun^) 
 
 Th' united constanter, and Sided 
 
 The more, the more their Foes divided. 
 
 For though out-number'd, overthrown. 
 
 And by the Fate of War run down ; 
 
 Q.2 243
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Their Duty never was defeated, 
 
 Nor from their Oaths and Faith retreated. 
 
 For Loyalty is still the same, 
 
 Whether it win or lose the Game \ 
 
 True as a Dial to the Sun, 
 
 Although it he not shin'd upon. 
 
 But when these Brethren in evil, 
 
 Their Adversaries and the Devil, 
 
 Began once more to shew them Play, 
 
 And hopes, at least, to have a day, 
 
 They Rallied in Parades of Woods, 
 
 And unfrequented Solitudes, 
 
 Conven'd at Midnight in Out-houses, 
 
 T' appoint New-rising Rendezvouses, 
 
 And with a Pertinacy unmatch'd 
 
 For new Recruits of Danger watch'd : 
 
 No sooner was one Blow diverted, 
 
 But up another Party started. 
 
 And, as if Nature too in haste. 
 
 To furnish out Supplies as fast. 
 
 Before her time had turn'd Destruction 
 
 T' a new and numerous Production ; 
 
 No sooner those were overcome, 
 
 But up rose others in their Room, 
 
 That, like the Christian Faith, increast 
 
 The more, the more they were Supprest : 
 
 Whom neither Chains, nor Transportation, 
 
 Proscription, Sale, nor Conjiscation, 
 
 Nor all the desperate events 
 
 Of former try'd Experiments, 
 
 Nor Wounds could terrifie, nor Mangling, 
 
 To leave off Loyalty and Dangling, 
 
 Nor Death (with all his Bones) affright 
 
 From vent'ring to maintain the Right, 
 
 From staking Life and Fortune down 
 
 'Gainst all together, for the Crown ; 
 
 But kept the Title of their Cause 
 
 From Forfeiture, like Claims in Laws ; 
 
 And prov'd no Prosp'rous Usurpation 
 
 Can ever settle on the Nation, 
 
 244
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 Until, in spight of Force aixl Treason, 
 They put their Loy'lty in Possession j 
 And by their Constancy and Faith, 
 Destroy'd the Mighty men of Gath. 
 
 Toss'd in a furious Hurricane^ 
 Did Oliver give up his Reign ; 
 And was believ'd, as well by Saints, 
 As Moral men and Miscreants, 
 To Founder in the Stygian Ferry, 
 Until he was retriev'd by Sterry : 
 Who, in a false erroneous Dream, 
 Mistook the New yerusaleniy 
 Prophanely, for th' Apocryphal^ 
 False Heaven at the End o' th'' Hall; 
 Whither it was decreed by Fate, 
 His Precious Reliques to Translate. 
 So Romulus was seen before 
 B' as Orthodox a Senator ; 
 From whose Divine Illumination 
 He stole the Pagan Revelation. 
 
 Next him his Son and Heir Apparent 
 Succeeded, though a Lame Vicegerent : 
 Who first laid by the Parliament^ 
 The onely Crutch on which he leant ; 
 And then Sunk underneath the State^ 
 That rode him above Horseman's I freight. 
 
 And now the Saints began their Reign^ 
 
 For which th' had yearn 'd so long in vain, 
 
 And felt such Bowel-Hankerings, 
 
 To see an E/npire all of Kings^ 
 
 Deliver'd from th' Egyptian Awe 
 
 Of Justice^ Government^ and LaWy 
 
 And free t' ereil what Spiritual Cantons 
 
 Should be reveal'd, or Gospel Hans-Towns^ 
 
 To Edifie upon the Ruines 
 
 Of John of Ley dens old Out-goings^ 
 
 Who for a Weather-cock hung up 
 
 245
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Upon their Mother-Churche' s Top, 
 
 Was made a Type by Providence 
 
 Of all their Revelations since ; 
 
 And now fulfill'd by his Successors, 
 
 Who equally mistook their Measures : 
 
 For when they came to shape the Model^ 
 
 Not one could fit another's Noddle ; 
 
 But found their Light and Gifts more wide 
 
 From Fadging then th' Unsanctifi'd ; 
 
 While ev'ry individual Brother 
 
 Strove hand to fist against another, 
 
 And still the Maddest and most Crackt 
 
 Were found the busiest to Transadl. 
 
 For though most Hands dispatch apace, 
 
 And make light work^ (the Proverb says) 
 
 Yet many different Intelle6ts 
 
 Are found t' have contrary EfFedls ; 
 
 And many Heads t' obstruft Intrigues, 
 
 As slowest Insefts have most Legs. 
 
 Some were for setting up a King, 
 
 But all the rest for no such thing, 
 
 Unless King Jesus : Others tamper'd 
 
 For Fleetwood^ Deshorough^ and Lambert ; 
 
 Some for the Rump^ and some, more crafty, 
 
 For Ag'itatours and the Safety ; 
 
 Some for the Gospel, and Massacres 
 
 Of Spiritual Affidavit-ynakers^ 
 
 That swore to any Humane Regence 
 
 Oaths of Supremacy and Allegeance^ 
 
 Yea though the Ablest swearing Saint, 
 
 That vouch'd the Bulls o' th' Covenant : 
 
 Others for pulling down th' High places 
 
 Of Synods and Provincial Classes^ 
 
 That us'd to make such hostile Inroads 
 
 Upon the Saints, like Bloudy Nimrods : 
 
 Some for Fulfilling Prophecies, 
 
 And th' Extirpation of Excise ; 
 
 And some against th' /Egyptian Bondage 
 
 Of Holy-day Sy and paying Poundage : 
 
 246
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 Some for the cutting down of Groves^ 
 
 And rectifying Bakers Loaves ; 
 
 And some for finding out Expedients 
 
 Against the Slav'ry of Obedience. 
 
 Some were for Gospel-Ministers^ 
 
 And some for Red-Coat Seculars^ 
 
 As men most fit t' hold forth the Word, 
 
 And wield the one and th* other Sword. 
 
 Some were for carrying on the Work 
 
 Against the Pope^ and some the Turk : 
 
 Some for engaging to suppress 
 
 The Camisado of Surplices^ 
 
 That Gifts and Dispensations hinder'd, 
 
 And turn'd to th' Outward Man the Inward y 
 
 More proper for the cloudy Night 
 
 Of Popery.^ then Gospel-Light. 
 
 Others were for Abolishing 
 
 That Tool of Matrimony, a Ring^ 
 
 With which th' unsanctifi'd Bridegroom 
 
 Is marri'd onely to a Thumb ; 
 
 (As wise as Ringing of a Pig, 
 
 That uses to break up ground and Dig ;) 
 
 The Bride to nothing but her Will, 
 
 That nulls the After-marriage still. 
 
 Some were for th' utter Extirpation 
 
 Of Linsey-TFoolsey in the Nation ; 
 
 And some against all Idolizing 
 
 The Cross in Shop-Books^ or Baptizing. 
 
 Others, to make all things recant 
 
 The Christian or Surname of Saint ; 
 
 And force all Churches, Streets, and Towns, 
 
 The Holy Title to renounce. 
 
 Some 'gainst a Third Estate of Souls, 
 
 And bringing down the Price of Coals. 
 
 Some for Abolishing Black-Pudding, 
 
 And eating nothing with the Bloud in ; 
 
 To abrogate them Roots and Branches : 
 
 While others were for eating Haunches 
 
 Of JVarriors, and now and then 
 
 The Flesh of Kings and Mighty fnen ; 
 
 247
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And some for Breaking of their Bones 
 
 With Rods of Ir'n by Secret ones; 
 
 For Thrashing Mountains, and with Spells 
 
 For Hallowing Carriers Packs and Bells. 
 
 Things that the Legend never heard of, 
 
 But made the Wicked sore afeard of 
 
 The Quacks of Government (who sate 
 
 At th' unregarded He/m of State, 
 
 And understood, this wild Confusion 
 
 Of fatal Madness and Delusion 
 
 Must, sooner then a Prodigie, 
 
 Portend Destruftion to be nigh) 
 
 Consider'd timely, how t' withdraw 
 
 And save their Wind-pipes from the Law : 
 
 For one Rencounter at the Bar 
 
 Was worse then all th' had scap'd in War : 
 
 And therefore met in Consultation, 
 
 To Cant and Quack upon the Nation ; 
 
 Not for the sickly Patient's sake, 
 
 Nor what to give, but what to take ; 
 
 To feel the Pulses of their Fees, 
 
 More wise then fumbling Arteries ; 
 
 Prolong the Snuff of Life in pain, 
 
 And from the Grave recover — Gain. 
 
 'Mong these there was a Politician, 
 
 With more Heads then a Beast in rision^ 
 
 And more Intrigues in ev'ry one 
 
 Then all the Whores of Babylon ; 
 
 So politick, as if one eye 
 
 Upon the other were a Spy; 
 
 That to trapan the one to think 
 
 The other Blind, both strove to blink : 
 
 And in his dark Pragmatick way 
 
 As busie as a Child at Play. 
 
 H' had seen three Governments Run down. 
 
 And had a hand in ev'ry one. 
 
 Was for 'em and against 'em all, 
 
 But Barb'rous when they came to fall : 
 
 For by Trapanning th' old to Ruine, 
 
 He made his Int'rest with the New one ; 
 
 248
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 Plaid true and faithfull, though against 
 
 His Conscience, and was still advanc'd. 
 
 For by the Witch-craft of Rebellion 
 
 Transform'd t' a feeble State-Cinnelioti^ 
 
 By giving aim from side to side, 
 
 He never fail'd to save his Tide, 
 
 But got the Start of ev'ry State, 
 
 And at a Change ne'r came too late : 
 
 Could turn his Word, and Oath, and Faith, 
 
 As many ways as in a Lath ; 
 
 By turning, wriggle, like a Screw 
 
 Int' highest Trust, and out for New. 
 
 For when h' had happily incurr'd, 
 
 In stead of Hemp, to be preferr'd, 
 
 And past upon a Government, 
 
 He play'd his trick and out he went : 
 
 But being out, and out of hopes 
 
 To mount his Ladder (more) of Ropes, 
 
 Would strive to raise himself upon 
 
 The Publick Ruine and his own. 
 
 So little did he understand 
 
 The desp'rate Feats he took in hand. 
 
 For when h' had got himself a Name 
 
 For Fraud and Tricks ; he spoil'd his Game, 
 
 Had forc'd his Neck into a Nooze, 
 
 To shew his play at Fast and Loose ; 
 
 And when he chanc'd t' escape, mistook 
 
 For Art and Subtlety, his Luck. 
 
 So right his Judgment was cut fit, 
 
 And made a Tally to his Wit, 
 
 And both together most Profound 
 
 At Deeds of Darkness under ground : 
 
 As th' Earth is easiest undermin'd 
 
 By Vermine Impotent and Blind. 
 
 By all these Arts, and many more 
 H' had prailis'd long and much before, 
 Our State- Artificer foresaw 
 Which way the World began to draw. 
 For as Old Sinners have all Points 
 
 249
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 O' th' Compass in their Bones and Joints, 
 Can by their Pangs and Aches find 
 All Turns and Changes of the Wind, 
 And better then by Napler''s Bones, 
 Feel in their own the Age of Moons : 
 So guilty Sinners in a State 
 Can by their Crimes prognosticate, 
 And in their Consciences feel Pain 
 Some days before a Showr of Rain. 
 He therefore wisely cast about 
 All ways he could, t' insure his Throat ; 
 And hither came t' observe and smoke 
 What Courses other Riskers took ; 
 And to the utmost doe his best 
 To save himself, and Hang the rest. 
 
 To match this Saint, there was another, 
 
 As busie and perverse a Brother, 
 
 An Haberdasher of Small wares 
 
 In Politicks and State-AfFairs ; 
 
 More yew then Rabbi Jchitophel, 
 
 And better gifted to Rebel : 
 
 For when h' had taught his Tribe to Spouse 
 
 The Cause, aloft, upon one House, 
 
 He scorn'd to set his own in Order, 
 
 But try'd another, and went further ; 
 
 So sullenly addifted still 
 
 To's onely Principle, his JVill, 
 
 That whatsoe'r it chanc'd to prove, 
 
 No force of Argument could move, 
 
 Nor Law, nor Cavalcade of Ho' horn. 
 
 Could render half a grain less stubborn. 
 
 For he at any time would hang. 
 
 For th' opportunity /' harangue. 
 
 And rather on a Gibbet dangle, 
 
 Then miss his dear delight, to wrangle : 
 
 In which his Parts were so accomplisht. 
 
 That, right or wrong, he ne'r was non-plust j 
 
 But still his Tongue ran on, the less 
 
 Of weight it bore, with greater ease, 
 
 250
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 And with its Everlasting Clack 
 
 Set all mens Ears upon the Rack. 
 
 No sooner could a hint appear, 
 
 But up he started to Pickere, 
 
 And made the stoutest yield to mercy, 
 
 When he ingag'd in Controvcrsie : 
 
 Not by the force of Carnal Reason, 
 
 But indefatigable Teazing ; 
 
 With Volleys of eternal Babble, 
 
 And Clamour more unanswerable. 
 
 For though his Topicks^ frail and weak, 
 
 Could [ne' er] amount above a Freak : 
 
 He still maintain'd 'em, like his Faults, 
 
 Against the desperat'st Assaults ; 
 
 And back'd their feeble want of Sense 
 
 With greater Heat and Confidence : 
 
 As Bones of Heifors when they differ. 
 
 The more th' are CudgeFd^ grow the Suffer, 
 
 Yet when his Profit moderated, 
 
 The fury of his Heat abated : 
 
 For nothing but his Interest 
 
 Could lay his Devil of Contest. 
 
 It was his Choice^ or Cha7ici\ or Curse^ 
 
 T' espouse the Cause for Better or worse \ 
 
 And with his worldly Goods and Wit, 
 
 And Soul^ and Body^ worshipp'd it : 
 
 But when he found the sullen Trapes 
 
 Possest with th' Devil^ IVorms^ and Claps^ 
 
 The Trojan Mare in Fole with Greeks 
 
 Not half so full of Jadish Tricks^ 
 
 Though Squeamish in her outward Woman, 
 
 As loose and rampant as Dol coynmon ; 
 
 He still resolv'd to mend the matter, 
 
 T' adhere and cleave the obstinater ; 
 
 And still the skittisher and looser 
 
 Her Freaks appear'd, to sit the closer. 
 
 For Fools are stubborn in their luay ; 
 
 As Coins are hardned by t// Allay : 
 
 And Obstinacy 's ne'r so stiff. 
 
 As when 'tis in a wrong Belief. 
 
 251
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 These two, with others, being met, 
 And close in Consultation set ; 
 After a discontented pause, 
 And not without sufficient cause, 
 The Oratour we mention'd late, 
 Less troubled with the pangs of State, 
 Then with his own impatience. 
 To give himself first Audience, 
 After he had a while loolc'd wise, 
 At last broke silence, and the Ice. 
 
 Quoth he, There's yioth'ing makes me doubt 
 
 Our last Out-goings brought aboutj 
 
 More then to see the CharaSfers 
 
 Of real yealousies and Fears^ 
 
 Not feign d^ as once, but sadly horrid^ 
 
 Scord upon evry Member'' s Forehead : 
 
 fVhoj 'cause the Clouds are drawn together^ 
 
 And threaten sudden change of Weather.^ 
 
 Feel Pangs and Aches of State-turns^ 
 
 And Revolutions in their Corns ; 
 
 Andy since our Workings-out are crost^ 
 
 Throw up the Cause before "'tis lost. 
 
 TVas it to run away\ we meant. 
 
 When, taking of the Covenant, 
 
 The lamest Cripples of the Brothers 
 
 Took Oaths, to run before all others ; 
 
 But, in their own sense, onely swore 
 
 To strive to run away before ? 
 
 And now would prove, the Words and Oath 
 
 Ingage us to renounce them both ? 
 
 'Tis true, the Cause is in the lurch. 
 
 Between a right and Mungrel Church, 
 
 1 he Presbyter and Independent, 
 
 That stickle which shall make an end ont: 
 
 And 'twas made out to us the last 
 
 Expedient, (/ mean, Margret'^ Fast) 
 
 When Provideyice had been suborn d. 
 
 What answer was to be return d. 
 
 Else why should Tumults fright us now. 
 
 252
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 We have so many times gone through^ 
 
 And understand as well to tame^ 
 
 Asy when they serve our turns, t^ inflame ? 
 
 Have proved how inconsiderable 
 
 Are all Engagements of the Rabble, 
 
 Whose Frenzies must be reconciVd 
 
 With Drums and Rattles like a Child; 
 
 But never proved so prosperous, 
 
 As when they were led on by us. 
 
 For all our Scouring of Religion 
 
 Began with Tumults and Sedition j 
 
 When Hurricanes of fierce Commotion 
 
 Became strong Motives to Devotion ; 
 
 (^As Carnal Seamen in a Storm 
 
 Turn pious Converts, and reform ;) 
 
 When rusty Weapons with chaWd Edges 
 
 Maintain d our feeble Priviledges, 
 
 And brown Bills levied in the City 
 
 Made Bills to pass the Grand Committee \ 
 
 When Zeal with aged Clubs and Gleaves 
 
 Gave chase to Rochets and White Sleeves, 
 
 And made the Church and State and Laws 
 
 Submit t'' old Iron and the Cause. 
 
 And as we thrived by Tumults then. 
 
 So might we better now agen, 
 
 If we know how, as then we did. 
 
 To use them rightly in our need. 
 
 Tumults by which the Mutinous 
 
 Betray themselves in stead of us ; 
 
 The Hollow-hearted Disaffected, 
 
 And Close Malignant are detected; 
 
 Who lay their Lives and Fortunes down. 
 
 For Pledges to secure our own. 
 
 And freely sacrifice their Ears, 
 
 T^ appease our Jealousies and Fears. 
 
 And yet for all these Providences 
 
 W are offer'' d, if we had our senses, 
 
 We idly sit, like stupid Block-heads, 
 
 Our hands committed to our Pockets, 
 
 And nothing but our Tongues at large, 
 
 253
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 To get the JVr etches a dischafge. 
 Like men condemn d to Thunderbolts^ 
 JVho^ e'r the blow^ become meer Dolts ; 
 Or Fools besotted with their Crimes^ 
 That know not how to shift betimes^ 
 And neither have the hearts to stay^ 
 Nor wit enough to run away. 
 JVho^ if we could resolve on either^ 
 Might stand., or fall {at least) together : 
 No mean nor trivial solaces 
 To Partners in extream distress^ 
 Who use to lessen their Despair Sy 
 By parting them int^ equal shares ; 
 As if the more there were to hear^ 
 They felt the weight the easier ; 
 And ev'ry one the gentler hung^ 
 The more he took his turn among. 
 
 But ^tis not co?ne to that as yet^ 
 
 If we had Courage left or Wit \ 
 
 Whoy tvhen our Fate can be no luorse^ 
 
 Are fitted for the bravest course ; 
 
 Have time to Rally, and prepare 
 
 Our last and best defence. Despair ; 
 
 Despair, by which the gallan^st Feats 
 
 Have been atchiev'd in greatest streights. 
 
 And horrid''st dangers safely wavd. 
 
 By ying courageously out-bravd. 
 
 As Wounds by wider wounds are heaVd, 
 
 And Poisons by themselves expelPd. 
 
 And so they might be now agen, 
 
 If we were, what tue should be, Men ; 
 
 And not so dully desperate. 
 
 To side against our selves with Fate : 
 
 As Criminals condemned to suffer. 
 
 Are blinded first, and then turn'd over. 
 
 This comes of Breaking Covenants, 
 And setting up Exauns of Saints, 
 That Fine, like Aldermen, for Grace, 
 
 254
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 To he excus'd the Efficace. 
 
 For Spiritual men are too Transcendent^ 
 
 That mount their Banks for Independent^ 
 
 To hang like Mahomet in th' Jir, 
 
 Or St. Ignatius at his Prayer, 
 
 By pure Geometry, and hate 
 
 Dependency on Church or State \ *■ 
 
 Disdain the Pedantry <?' tF Letter, 
 
 And since Obedience is better 
 
 {The Scripture says) then Sacrifice, 
 
 Presume the less on't will suffice ; 
 
 And scorn to have the moderai'st stints 
 
 Prescribed their peremptory Hints, 
 
 Or any Opinion, true or false. 
 
 Declared as such, in Doiirinals, 
 
 But left at large to make their best on, 
 
 TVithout fing calTd f account or question. 
 
 Interpret all the Spleen reveals, 
 
 As Whittington explain d the Bells ; 
 
 And bid themselves turn back agen 
 
 Lord May'rs of New Jerusalem. 
 
 But look so big and over-grown. 
 
 They scorn their Edifiers /' own. 
 
 Who taught them all their sprinkling Lessons, 
 
 Their Tones and san^ifd expressions ; 
 
 Bestowed their Gifts upon a Saint, 
 
 Like Charity on those that want. 
 
 And learn' d th' Apocryphal Bigots, 
 
 T'' inspire themselves with Short-hand Notes : 
 
 For which they scorn and hate them worse. 
 
 Then Dogs and Cats do Sowgelders. 
 
 For who first bred them up to Pray, 
 
 And Teach, the House of Cofnmons way ? 
 
 Where had they all their Gifted Phrases, 
 
 But from our Calamies and Cases ? 
 
 Without ivhose Sprinkling and Sowing, 
 
 Who e'r had heard of Nye or Owen ? 
 
 Their dispensations had been stifled. 
 
 But for our Adoniram Rifield. 
 
 255
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And had They not begun the JFar^ 
 
 Th* had ne'r been Sainted as they are. 
 
 For Saints in Peace degenerate^ 
 
 And diuindle down to Reprobate: 
 
 Their Zeal corrupts like standing JVater^ 
 
 In tF Intervals of War and slaughter ; 
 
 Abates the sharpness of its Edge^ 
 
 Without the Pow^r of Sacriledge. 
 
 And though th'' have Tricks to cast their Sins^ 
 
 As easie as Serpents do their Skins^ 
 
 That in a while grow out agen^ 
 
 In Peace they turn meer Carnal men^ 
 
 And from the most Refind of Saints, 
 
 As naturally grow Miscreants, 
 
 As Barnacles turn Soland-Geese 
 
 In th* Islands of the Orcades. 
 
 Their Dispensation 'i but a Ticket, 
 
 For their conforming to the Wicked ; 
 
 With whom their greatest difference 
 
 Lies ynore in words and shew, then sense. 
 
 For as the Pope, that keeps the Gate 
 
 Of Heaven, wears three Crowns in state ; 
 
 So he that keeps the Gate of Hell, 
 
 Proud Cerberus, wears three Heads as well : 
 
 And, if the World has any troth. 
 
 Some have been Canonized in both. 
 
 But that which does them greatest harm. 
 
 Their Spiritual Gizzards are too warm. 
 
 Which puts the over-heated Sots 
 
 In Fevers still, like other Goats. 
 
 For though the Whore bends Hereticks 
 
 With Flames of Fire, like crooked Sticks ; 
 
 Our Schismaticks so vastly differ, 
 
 Th'' hotter they are, they grow the stiffer ; 
 
 Still setting off their spiritual goods. 
 
 With fierce and pertinacious fewds. 
 
 For ZeaPs a dreadfull Termagant, 
 
 That teaches Saints to Tear and Rant, 
 
 And Independents, to profess 
 
 The Do^frine of Dependences ; 
 
 256
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 Turns meek and sneaking Secret ones^ 
 
 To Raw-heads fierce and Bloody Bones : 
 
 And not content with endless quarrels 
 
 Against the Wicked and their Morals^ 
 
 The Gibellins, for want of Guelfs, 
 
 Divert their rage upon themselves. 
 
 For now the War is not between 
 
 The Brethren and the Men of sin ; 
 
 But Saint and Saint^ to spill the Blood 
 
 Of one another's Brotherhood ; 
 
 Where neither side can lay pretence 
 
 To Liberty of Conscience^ 
 
 Or zealous suff''ring for the Cause^ 
 
 To gain one Groats-worth of Applause : 
 
 For though endured with Resolution^ 
 
 'Twill ne'r amount to Persecution. 
 
 Shall Precious Saints and Secret ones 
 
 Break one another's outward Bones F 
 
 And eat the Flesh of Brethren^ 
 
 In stead of Kings and Mighty men ? 
 
 When Fiends agree among themselves^ 
 
 Shall they be found the greater Elves ? 
 
 When Bel'^ at Union with the Dragon, 
 
 And Baal-Peor Friends with Dagon, 
 
 When Savage Bears agree with Bears^ 
 
 Shall Secret ones lug Saints by th' Ears, 
 
 And not atone their fatal wrath, 
 
 When common Danger threatens both P 
 
 Shall Mastiffs by the Collars puWd, 
 
 Engag'd with Bulls, let go their hold ? 
 
 And Saints, whose Necks are pawn'd at stake, 
 
 No notice of the Danger take ? 
 
 But though no Pow'r of Heaven or Hell 
 
 Can pacific Fanatick Zeal; 
 
 Who would not guess there might be hopes. 
 
 The fear of Gallowses and Ropes 
 
 Before their Eyes might reconcile 
 
 Their Animosities a while ? 
 
 At least until th'had a clear Stage, 
 
 And equal Freedom to engage, 
 
 R 257
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Without the danger of Surprise 
 By both our common Enemies F 
 
 This none hut we alone could douht^ 
 
 TVho understand their Workings-out^ 
 
 And know ''em both in Soul and Conscience^ 
 
 Giv^n up f as Reprobate a Non-sense^ 
 
 As Spiritual Out-laws whom the Pow^r 
 
 Of Miracle can ne'r restore. 
 
 We whom at first they set up under ^ 
 
 In Revelation onely of Plunder^ 
 
 Who since have had so many Trials 
 
 Of their encroaching Self-denials^ 
 
 That rook'd upon us with design 
 
 To Out-reform and Undermine ; 
 
 Took all our Interests and Commands 
 
 Perfidiously out of our hands ; 
 
 Involved us in the Guilt of Bloud^ 
 
 Without the Motive-gains allow'd^ 
 
 And made us serve as Ministerial^ 
 
 Like younger Sons of Father Belial. 
 
 And yet for all th* inhumane wrong 
 
 Th'' had done us and the Cause so long^ 
 
 We never faiVd to carry on 
 
 The Work stilly as we had begun : 
 
 But true and faithfully obey^d^ 
 
 And neither Preach'' d them hurt^ nor Prafd', 
 
 Nor troubled them to crop our Ears, 
 
 Nor hang us like the Cavaliers ; 
 
 Nor put them to the Charge of Gaols, 
 
 To find us Pillories and Carts-tails, 
 
 Or Hangman's Wages, which the State 
 
 Was forc'd {before them) to be at. 
 
 That cut like Tallies to the Stumps 
 
 Our Ears for keeping true Accompts, 
 
 And burnt our l^essels, like a New- 
 
 Seal'd Peck or Bushel, for b'ing true. 
 
 But hand in hand, like faithfull Brothers, 
 
 Held forth the Cause against all others. 
 
 258
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 Disdaining equally to yield 
 
 One Syllable of what we held. 
 
 And though we diffWd now and then 
 
 ""Bout outward things^ and outward Men : 
 
 Our inward Men and constant Frame 
 
 Of Spirit still were near the same. 
 
 And till they first began to Cant^ 
 
 And Sprinkle down the Covenant^ 
 
 JVe ne^r had Call in any place, 
 
 Nor dream'' d of Teaching down Free-Grace ; 
 
 But join'd our Gifts perpetually 
 
 Against the Common Enemy : 
 
 Although ^twas our and their Opinion, 
 
 Each other''s Church was hut a Rimmon. 
 
 And yet for all this Gospel-Union, 
 
 And outward shew of Church-Communion, 
 
 Thefl ne'r admit us to our shares. 
 
 Of Ruling Church or State Affairs ; 
 
 Nor give us leave /' absolve, or sentence 
 
 T^ our own Conditions of Repentance : 
 
 But shar''d our Dividend o' th* Crown 
 
 We had so painfully Preach'' d down ; 
 
 And forcd us, though against the Grain, 
 
 T^ have Calls to teach it up again. 
 
 For Uwas but ^Justice to Restore 
 
 The Wrongs we had receiv''d before ; 
 
 And when ''twas held forth in our way, 
 
 W^ had been ungratefull not to pay : 
 
 Who for the Right zf ' have done the Nation, 
 
 Have earn'd our Temporal Salvation, 
 
 And put our Vessels 'in a way. 
 
 Once more to come again in Play. 
 
 For if the turning of us out. 
 
 Has brought this Providence about. 
 
 And that our onely Suffering 
 
 Is able to bring in the King: 
 
 What would our A^'ions not have done. 
 
 Had we been suffer d to go on ? 
 
 And therefore may pretend /' a share 
 
 At least in carrying on th* Affair. 
 
 R2 259
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 But whether that be so or not^ 
 
 JV^ have done enough to have it thought \ 
 
 And that's as good as if w' had dont^ 
 
 And easier past upon account. 
 
 For if it be but half denyd^ 
 
 ^Tis half as good as justify'' d. 
 
 The World is naturally averse 
 
 To all the truth it sees or hears^ 
 
 But swallows Non-sense and a Lie 
 
 With greediness and gluttony ; 
 
 And though it have the Pique^ and long^ 
 
 ^Tis still for something in the wrong: 
 
 As Women long^ when th' are with Child^ 
 
 For things extravagant and wild^ 
 
 For Meats ridiculous^ and fulsom^ 
 
 But seldom any thing that's wholsom \ 
 
 And^ like the World^ Men's yobbernoles 
 
 Turn round upon their Ears^ the Poles ; 
 
 And what th' are confidently told^ 
 
 By no sense else can be controWd. 
 
 Ajid this^ perhaps^ may prove the means^ 
 
 Once more^ to hedge in Providence, 
 
 For^ as Relapses make Diseases 
 
 More desp'rate than their first Accesses ; 
 
 If we but get again in Pow'r^ 
 
 Our Work is easier than before ; 
 
 And we more ready and expert 
 
 Fth' Mystery^ to do our Part. 
 
 We^ who did rather undertake 
 
 The first War to create^ than make : 
 
 And when of Nothing ^twas begun^ 
 
 Rais^i Funds as strange^ to carrft on \ 
 
 Trepann'd the State^ and facd it down^ 
 
 With Plots and ProjeSls of our own : 
 
 And if we did such Feats at first^ 
 
 What can we now w'are better vers'd? 
 
 Who have a freer Latitude 
 
 Than Sinners give theinselves allow'' d? 
 
 And therefore likeliest to bring in 
 
 260
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 On fairest Terms^ our Discipline. 
 
 To which it was reveaVd long since^ 
 
 We were ordain d by Providence: 
 
 When Three Saints Ears, our Predecessors, 
 
 The Causers Primitive Confessors, 
 
 B'ing Crucified, the Nation stood 
 
 In just so many Tears of Blood : 
 
 That multiplied by Six, expressed 
 
 The perfe£i Number of the Beast. 
 
 And proved that we must be the Men, 
 
 To bring this Work about agen : 
 
 And those who laid the first Foundation, 
 
 Compleat the thorow Reformation: 
 
 For who have Gifts to carry on 
 
 So great a Work, but we alone ? 
 
 What Churches have such able Pastors ? 
 
 And Precious, Powerful, Preaching-Masters ? 
 
 Possessed with Absolute Dominions, 
 
 O^r Brethren's Purses and Opinions F 
 
 And trusted with the Double Keys 
 
 Of Heaven, and their Ware-houses : 
 
 Who, when the Cause is in Distress, 
 
 Can furnish out what Sums they please. 
 
 That Brooding lie in Bankers Hands, 
 
 To be disposed at their Comrnands : 
 
 And daily increase and multiply. 
 
 With DoSfrine, Use and Usury. 
 
 Can fetch in Parties (as in War, 
 
 All other Heads of Cattel are ;) 
 
 From th'' Enemy of all Religions, 
 
 As well as High and Low Conditions ; 
 
 And share them from Blew Ribbands down. 
 
 To all Blew Aprons in the Town. 
 
 From Ladies hurried in Calleches, 
 
 With Cornets at their Footmen s Breeches, 
 
 To Bawds as fat as Mother Nab, 
 
 All Guts and Belly like a Crab. 
 
 Our Party's great, and better ti'd 
 
 With Oaths, and Trade, than any side : 
 
 Has one considerabF Improvement, 
 
 261
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 To double fortijie the Co'v'nant : 
 I mean our Covenants to purchase 
 Delinquents Titles arid the Churches : 
 That pass in Sale^ from Hand, to Hand, 
 Among our selves, for Current Land. 
 And Rise or Fall, like Indian Anions, 
 According to the Rate of FaSiions : 
 Our best Reserve for Reformation, 
 TVhen New-Outgoings give occasion : 
 That keeps the Loins of Brethren girt. 
 The Covenant {their Creed) t^ assert : 
 And when th^ have pack'd a Parliament, 
 Will once more try tF Expedient, 
 Who can already muster Friends, 
 To serve for Members, to our Ends : 
 That represent no part o'th'' Nation, 
 But Fisher'i-Folly Congregation : 
 Are only Tools to our Intrigues, 
 And sit like Geese to hatch our Eggs : 
 Who, by their Precedents of Wit, 
 T' out fast, out-lciter, and out-sit : 
 Can order matters under hand. 
 To put all Business to a stand : 
 Lay Publick Bills aside, for Private, 
 And make ^em one another drive out ; 
 Divert the Great and Necessary, 
 With Trifles to contest and vary ; 
 And make the Nation represent. 
 And serve for us in Parliament ; 
 Cut out more Work than can be done 
 On Plato'j Tear ; but finish none. 
 Unless it be the Bulls of Lenthal, 
 That always past for Fundamental. 
 Can set up Grandee against Grandee, 
 To squander time away, and Bandy. 
 Make Lords and Commoners lay Sieges 
 To one another'' s Privileges ; 
 And, rather than compound the Quarrel, 
 Engage, to tli' inevitable peril 
 Of both their Ruins ; tVoyily Scope 
 
 262
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 And Consolation of our Hope : 
 
 Who^ though we do not play the Game^ 
 
 Assist as much by giving Aim. 
 
 Can introduce our ancient Arts., 
 
 For Heads of FaSiions^ t'aif their Parts. 
 
 Know what a Leading-Voice is worth ; 
 
 A Seconding^ a Third, or Fourth : 
 
 How much a Casting Vote comes to. 
 
 That turns up Trump, of /, or No ; 
 
 And by adjusting all at th" End, 
 
 Share ev'ry one his Dividend. 
 
 An Art that so much Study cost. 
 
 And now^s in danger to be lost ; 
 
 Unless our Ancient Virtuoso's, 
 
 That found it out, get into th^ Houses. 
 
 These are the Courses that we took 
 
 To carry things, by Hook, or Crook : 
 
 And pra/^ic'd down from Forty four,' 
 
 Until they turnd us out of Door ; 
 
 Besides the Herds of Boutefeus, 
 
 PVe set on work, without the House. 
 
 When evry Knight and Citizen 
 
 Kept Legislative fourney-men. 
 
 To bring them in Intelligence 
 
 From all Points of the Rabbles Sense ; 
 
 And fill the Lobbies of both Houses 
 
 With Politick Important Buzzes : 
 
 Set up Committees of Cabals, 
 
 To pack Designs without the Walls. 
 
 Examine, and draw up all News, 
 
 And fit it to our present Use. 
 
 Agree upon the Plot o''th'' Farce, 
 
 And every one his Part rehearse. 
 
 Make Q's of Answers, to way-lay 
 
 What th" other Parties like to say : 
 
 What Repartees, and smart Reflections 
 
 Shall be return d to all ObjeSlions : 
 
 And who shall break the AAaster-Jest, 
 
 And what, and how, upon the rest : 
 
 Help Pamphlets out, with safe Editions, 
 
 263
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Of Proper Slanders and Seditions : 
 
 And Treason for a Token sendy 
 
 By Letter^ to a Country Friend. 
 
 Disperse Lampoons.^ the only JVit^ 
 
 That Men., like Burglary^ commit : 
 
 IVity falser than a Padder''s Face^ 
 
 That all its Owner doeSy betrays : 
 
 IVho therefore dare not trust it, when 
 
 He's in his Calling^ to he seen. 
 
 Disperse the Dung on Barren Earthy 
 
 To bring new Weeds of Discord forth. 
 
 Be sure to keep up Congregations^ 
 
 In spight of Laws and Proclamations j 
 
 For Chiarlatans can do no goody 
 
 Until tV are mounted in a Crowd : 
 
 And when tU are punish' dy all the Hurt 
 
 Is but to fare the better for't ; 
 
 As long as Confessors are sure 
 
 Of double Pay for all //;' endure : 
 
 And what they earn in Persecutiony 
 
 Are paid fa Groat in Contribution. 
 
 Whence some Tub-holder s-f or th have made 
 
 In Powdring-Tubsy their richest Trade : 
 
 And while they kept their Shops in Prisony 
 
 Have found their Prices strangely risen. 
 
 Disdain to own the least Regret 
 
 For all the Christian Blood w^have let ; 
 
 ^ Twill save our Credit y and maintain 
 
 Our Titky to do so again : 
 
 That needs not cost one Dram of Sensey 
 
 But Pertinacious hnpudence : 
 
 Our Constancy t''our PrincipleSy 
 
 In titney will wear out all things else ; 
 
 Like Marble StatueSy rub'd to pieceSy 
 
 With Gallantry of Pilgrini's Kisses : 
 
 While those who turn and wind their Oaths 
 
 Have swelPdy and sunk like other Froths. 
 
 Prevailed a whiky but "'twas not longy 
 
 Before from World to World they swung : 
 
 As they had turnd from sidey to side ; 
 
 264
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 And as the Changelings I'lvd they died. 
 
 This said ; the impatient States-Monger 
 Could now contain himself no longer ; 
 Who had not spar'' d to shew his Picques, 
 Against th' Haranguers Politicks ? 
 JVith smart Remarks of Leering Faces^ 
 And Annotations of Grimaces^ 
 After Fhad ministred a Dose 
 Of Snuff-Mundungus, to his Nose ; 
 And powdered th^ inside of his Skully 
 Instead of th^ outward "Jobbernol : 
 He shook ity with a scornful hook 
 On th"" Adversary^ and thus he spoke. 
 In Dressing a Calved Heady although 
 The Tongue and Brains together gOy 
 Both keep so great a distance herey 
 ^Tis strangey if ever they come near: 
 Fory who did ever play his Gambolsy 
 IVith such unsufferable Rambles ? 
 To make the bringing in the Kingy 
 And keeping of him outy one thing F 
 IVhich none can doy but those who swore 
 T^as Point-blank Non-sense heretofore: 
 That to Defend was to Invadey 
 And to Assassinatey to Aid : 
 Unless because you drove him outy 
 {And that was never made a Doubt) 
 No Pow'r is able to restore 
 And bring him /«, but on your Score. 
 A Spiritual Do^rinCy that conduces 
 Most properlyy to all your Uses. 
 'Tis truCy a Scorpion s Oyl is said 
 To cure the Wounds the Fermine made ; 
 And Weapons drest with SalveSy restore 
 And heal the Hurts they gave before: 
 But whether Presbyterians have 
 So much Good Nature as the Salvey 
 Or Virtue in them as the Ferminey 
 Those who have tri\l ''em can determine. 
 
 265
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Indeed^ *tis pity you should miss 
 
 Th* Arrears of all your Services^ 
 
 And for th' Eternal Obligation 
 
 T^have laid upon th'' Ungrateful Nation : 
 
 B'us'd so unconscionable hardy 
 
 As not to find a fust Reiuard. 
 
 For letting Rapine loose^ and Murther^ 
 
 To rage just so far^ but no further : 
 
 And setting all the Land on fire^ 
 
 To burn fa Scantlings but no higher: 
 
 For venturing to assassinate^ 
 
 And cut the Throats of Church and State: 
 
 And not be allow'' d the fittest Men 
 
 To take the Charge of both agen. 
 
 Especially^ that have the Grace 
 
 Of Self-denyingy Gifted Face ; 
 
 TVhoy when your ProjeSfs have miscarried, 
 
 Can lay them, with undaunted Fore-head, 
 
 On those you painfully trepannd, 
 
 And sprinkled in at Second Hand. 
 
 As we have been, to share the Guilt 
 
 Of Christian Blood, devoutly spilt ; 
 
 For so our Ignorance was flamed. 
 
 To damn our selves, f avoid being damnd: 
 
 Till finding your old Foe, the Hang-man, 
 
 Was like to lurch you at Back-Gammon ; 
 
 And win your Necks upon the Set, 
 
 As well as ours, who did but Bet: 
 
 {For he had drawn your Ears before. 
 
 And nick'd ^em on the self-same Score :) 
 
 We threw the Box and Dice away. 
 
 Before fhad lost us at foul Play : 
 
 And brought you down to Rook, and Lye, 
 
 And Fancy only, on the By. 
 
 Redeem'' d your forfeit Jobbernoles, 
 
 From pearching upon lofty Poles: 
 
 And rescued all your Outward Traitors 
 
 From hanging up l'ike'\Allegators: 
 
 For which ingeniously fhave shew''d 
 
 Your Presbyterian Gratitude: 
 
 266
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 Would freely have paid us home in kind. 
 
 And not have been one Rope behind. 
 
 Those were your Motives to divide. 
 
 And scruple, on the other side, 
 
 To turn your Zealous Frauds, and Force, 
 
 To Fits of Conscience and Remorse. 
 
 To be convinced they were in vain. 
 
 And face about for New again : 
 
 For Truth no more unvaiTd your Eyes, 
 
 Than Maggots are convinced to Flies : 
 
 And therefore, all your Lights and Calls 
 
 Are but Apocryphal, and False, 
 
 To charge us with the Consequences 
 
 Of all your Native Insolences. 
 
 That to your own Imperious IVills, 
 
 Laid Law and Gospel Neck and Heels : 
 
 Corrupted the Old Testament, 
 
 To serve the New for Precedent : 
 
 T'amend its Errors and Defers, 
 
 With Murther and Rebellion-Texts: 
 
 Of which there is not any one 
 
 In all the Book, to sow upon : 
 
 And therefore {from your Tribe) the fews 
 
 Held Christian Do^rine forth and Use : 
 
 As Mahomet {your Chief) began 
 
 To mix them in the Alchoran : 
 
 Denounced, and prafd, with Fierce Devotion, 
 
 And bended Elbows on the Cushion : 
 
 Stole from the Beggars all your Tones, 
 
 And Gifted-Mortifying Groans : 
 
 Had Lights where better Eyes were blind. 
 
 As Pigs are said to see the Wind : 
 
 FilPd Bedlam with Predestination, 
 
 And Knights-Bridge with Illumination: 
 
 Made Children, with your Tones, to run for''t. 
 
 As bad as Bloody Bones or Lunsford. 
 
 While Women, Great with Child, miscarri''d. 
 
 For being to Malignants marri\l : 
 
 Transformed all Wives to Dalilahs, 
 
 Whose Husbands were not for the Cause : 
 
 267
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And turrid the Men to Ten-Horn d Cattel^ 
 became they came not out to Battel: 
 Made Taylors Prentices turn Heroes^ 
 For fear of being transfornid to Meroz; 
 And rather forfeit their Indentures^ 
 Than not espouse the Saints Adventures. 
 
 Could Transubstantiate^ Metamorphose^ 
 
 And charm whole Herds of Beasts^ like Orpheus ; 
 
 Inchant the King^s and Churches Lands, 
 
 T'obey and follow your Commands : 
 
 And settle on a New Free-hold, 
 
 As Marcly-Hill had done of Old. 
 
 Could turn the Covenant, and translate 
 
 The Gospel into Spoons and Plate : 
 
 Expound upon all Merchants Cashes, 
 
 And open th^intricatest Places : 
 
 Could Catechise a Money-Box, 
 
 And prove all Powches Orthodox ; 
 
 Until the Cause became a Damon, 
 
 And Pythias, the wicked Mammon. 
 
 And yet, in spight of all your Charms, 
 To conjure Legion up, in Arms ; 
 And raise more Devils in the Rout, 
 Than e'er y'were able to cast out: 
 yhave been reduced, and by those Fools, 
 Bred up {you say) in your own Schools ; 
 Who, though but gifted at your feet. 
 Have made it plain, they have more IVit, 
 By whom you have been so oft trepan d. 
 And held forth out of all Command : 
 Out-gifted, Out-impuW d. Out-done, 
 And Out-reveaV d at Carryings on. 
 Of all your Dispensations lVorm''d, 
 Out-providenc d, and Out-rejornid. 
 Ejected out oj Church, and State, 
 And all things, but the People's Hate: 
 And spirited out of tli Enjoyments 
 Of precious, edifying Employments j 
 
 268
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 By those who lodg'd their Gifts and Graces^ 
 
 Like better Bowlers^ in your Places. 
 
 All which you bore^ with Resolution^ 
 
 Charg'd on th' Account of Persecution ; 
 
 And though^ most Righteously opprest^ 
 
 Against your Wills^ still acquiest : 
 
 And never Hum^d and H.ah\l Sedition^ 
 
 Nor snuffled Treason^ nor Misprision. 
 
 That isy because you never durst ; 
 
 For^ had you preached and prayed your worst^ 
 
 Alas^ you were no longer able 
 
 To raise your Posse of the Rabble: 
 
 One single Red-Coat Sentinel 
 
 Out-charni d the Magick of the Spell; 
 
 And with his Squirt-fre^ could disperse 
 
 Whole Troops^ with Chapter rais^d^ and Verse: 
 
 We knew too well those tricks of yours ^ 
 
 To leave it ever in your Powers : 
 
 Or trust our Safeties^ or Undoings^ 
 
 To your Disposing of Out-goings ; 
 
 Or to your Ordering Providence^ 
 
 One Farthings-worth of Consequence. 
 
 For^ had you Pow^r to undermine^ 
 Or Wit to carry a Design^ 
 Or Correspondence^ to trepan^ 
 Inveagle^ or betray one Man ; 
 There's nothing else that intervenes^ 
 And bars your Zeal to use the means. 
 And therefore wondrous like^ no doubt^ 
 To bring in Kings^ or keep them out : 
 Brave undertakers to restore^ 
 That could not keep your selves in pow'r 
 T' advance the Interests of the Crown^ 
 That wanted Wit to keep your own. 
 
 *Tis truey you have {for Vld be loth 
 To wrong ye) done your Parts^ in Both ; 
 To keep him out^ and bring him in^ 
 As Grace is introduced by Sin ; 
 
 269
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 For "'twas your zealous want of Sense^ 
 
 And san^ijid Impertinence: 
 
 Your carrying business in a Huddle^ 
 
 That forc'd our Rulers to New-Model ; 
 
 Obliged the State to tack about^ 
 
 And turn you^ Root and Branchy all out ; 
 
 To Reformadoj One and All, 
 
 T^your Great Croysado, General: 
 
 Tour greedy slavering to devour 
 
 Before^ Uwas in your Clutches^ Pow''r. 
 
 That sprung the Game you were to set^ 
 
 Before fhad time to draw the Net: 
 
 Tour spight to see the Churches Lands 
 
 Divided into other Hands. 
 
 And all your Sacrilegious Fentures^ 
 
 Laid out on Tickets and Debeyitures ; 
 
 Tour Envy to be sprinkled down^ 
 
 By Under Churches in the Town. 
 
 And no Course us^d to stop their Mouths^ 
 
 Nor th' Independants spreading Growths. 
 
 All which consider''d, ^tis most true^ 
 
 None bring him in so much as you. 
 
 Who have prevaiFd^ beyond their Plots, 
 
 Their Midnight 'Junto's., and seaVd Knots \ 
 
 That thrive more by your Zealous Piques, 
 
 Than all their own rash Politicks. 
 
 And this way you may claim a Share, 
 
 In carrying (as you brag) tF Affair ; 
 
 Else Frogs, and Toads, that croaFd the fews. 
 
 From Pharo, and his Brick-kills-loose: 
 
 And Flies, and Mange, that set them free. 
 
 From Task-Masters, and Slavery : 
 
 Were likelier to do the Feat, 
 
 In any indiffent Mans Conceit', 
 
 For who e'er heard of Restoration, 
 
 Until your thorough Reformation; 
 
 That is, the King's and Churches La?ids 
 
 Were sequestred int'' other Hands F 
 
 For, only then, and not before. 
 
 Tour Eyes were opened to restore. 
 
 270
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 And when the Work was carrying on^ 
 
 JVho crost ity hut your selves alone ? 
 
 As^ by a World of Hints^ appears^ 
 
 All plain^ and extant^ as your Ears. 
 
 But first o'th" first ; The Isle of Wight 
 
 Will rise up, if you should denft ; 
 
 Where Hinderson, and th'othcr Masses^ 
 
 Were sent to cap Texts, and put CaseSy 
 
 To pass for Deep and Learned Scholars ; 
 
 Although but Paltry, Ob-and-Sollers: 
 
 As if tFunseasonable Fools 
 
 Had been a Coursing in the Schools ; 
 
 Until th'had provd the Devil Author 
 
 O^th' Covenant ; and the Cause, his Daughter : 
 
 For, when they charg'd him with the Guilt 
 
 Of all the Blood that had been spilt ; 
 
 They did not mean, He wrought th'Effusion 
 
 In Person, like Sir Pride, or Hughson j 
 
 But only those, who first begun 
 
 The Quarrel, were by him set on. 
 
 And who could those be but the Saints, 
 
 Those Reformation-Termegants F 
 
 But e'er this past, the wise Debate 
 
 Spent so much time, it grew too late ; 
 
 For Oliver had gotten Ground, 
 
 T'' enclose them, with his Warriers, round: 
 
 Had brought his Providence about, 
 
 And turnd the untimely Sophists out. 
 
 Nor had the Uxbridge business less 
 
 Of Non-sence in't, and sottishness, 
 
 When from a Scoundrel Holder forth. 
 
 The Scum, as well as Son oUh"" Earth, 
 
 Your Mighty Senators took Law 
 
 At his Command, were forcd t\vithdraw ; 
 
 And sacrifice the Peace o'th'' Nation 
 
 To DoSirine, Use and Application. 
 
 So when the Scots, your constant Cronies, 
 
 TF Espousers of your Cause, and Monies : 
 
 Who had so often, in your Aid, 
 
 So many ways been soundly paid '^ 
 
 271
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Came in at last^ for better Endsy 
 
 To prove themselves your trusty Friends^ 
 
 Tou basely left them^ and the Churchy 
 
 Th'had trained you up to^ in the Lurch^ 
 
 And suffer'' d your own Tribe of Christians 
 
 To fall before^ as true Philistines, 
 
 This shews what Utensils fhave been^ 
 
 To bring the King''s Concernments in : 
 
 JVhich is so far from being true^ 
 
 That none hut Tie can bring in you. 
 
 And if he take you into trusty 
 
 Will find you most exactly just : 
 
 Such as will pun^ually repay 
 
 With double Interest^ and betray. 
 
 Not that I think those Pantomimes^ 
 Who vary ASiion with the Times : 
 Are less ingenious in their Arty 
 Than those who dully a£t one Fart\ 
 Or those who turn from Side^ to Side; 
 More guilty than the Wind and Tide. 
 All Countries are a Wise Mans Home^ 
 And so are Governments to some^ 
 Who change the?n for the same Intrigues 
 That States-Men use in breaking Leagues : 
 While others in Old Faiths and Troths^ 
 Look oddy as in Out-of-fashion* d Cloaths : 
 And nastier^ in an old Opinion^ 
 Than those who never shift their Linnen. 
 
 For True and FaithfiFs sure to lose^ 
 Which way soever the Game goes: 
 And whether Parties lose or win^ 
 Is always nick^d^ or else hedgd in. 
 While Pow'r usurp" d like stoVn delight^ 
 Is more bewitching than the Right. 
 And when the Times begin to alter^ 
 None rise so high as from the Halter. 
 
 And so may we^ if w^have but Sense 
 
 272
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 To use the necessary Aleans, 
 
 And not your usual Stratagems 
 
 On one another^ Lights and Dreams. 
 
 To stand on Terms as positive^ 
 
 As if we did not take^ hut give : 
 
 Set up the Covenant on Crutches^ 
 
 ^Gainst those who have us in their Clutches:, 
 
 And dream of pulling Churches dowriy 
 
 Before w^are sure to prop our own: 
 
 Tour constant Method of Proceedings 
 
 Without the Carnal Means of Heeding : 
 
 TVhoy ''twixt your Inward Sense^ and Outward^ 
 
 Are worse^ than if fhad none^ accoutred. 
 
 I granty all Courses are in vain^ 
 
 Unless we can get in again ; 
 
 The only way thafs left us now^ 
 
 But all the difficulty's How ? 
 
 ^Tis true ! w'have Money , th'only Pow'r 
 
 That all Mankind falls down before : 
 
 Moneys that^ like the Swords of Kings^ 
 
 Is the last Reason of all things. 
 
 And therefore, need not doubt our Play 
 
 Has all Advantages that way; 
 
 As long as Men have Faith to sell. 
 
 And meet with those that can pay well. 
 
 Whose half-starved Pride and Avarice, 
 
 One Church and State will not suffice, 
 
 T'' expose to Sale ; beside the Wages 
 
 Of storing Plagues to after Ages. 
 
 Nor is our Money less our own. 
 
 Than Uwas before we laid it down: 
 
 For ^twill return, and turn f Account, 
 
 If we are brought in Play upon't; 
 
 Or, hut by Casting Knaves, get in. 
 
 What Pow^r can hinder us to win ? 
 
 We know the Arts we us'l before. 
 
 In Peace and War, and something more : 
 
 And by the unfortunate Events, 
 
 Can mend our next Experiments. 
 
 273
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 For^ when ui'are taken into Trust, 
 
 Hovj easie are the JVisest choust P 
 
 Who see but th' out-side s of our Feats, 
 
 And not their secret springs and Weights ; 
 
 And while th'are busie at their ease. 
 
 Can carry what Designs we please: 
 
 How easie is't to serve for Agents, 
 
 To prosecute our old Engagements ? 
 
 To keep the Good Old Cause on Foot, 
 
 And present Power from taking Root ? 
 
 Inflame them both with false Alarms, 
 
 Of Plots, and Parties, taking Arms ; 
 
 To keep the Nation's Wounds too wide 
 
 For healing up of Side to Side. 
 
 Profess the passionat^st Concerns, 
 
 For both their Interests, by Turns. 
 
 The only way t''tmprove our own. 
 
 By dealing faithfully with none ; 
 
 {As Bowls run true, by being made 
 
 Of purpose false, and to be swayed) 
 
 For, if we should be true to either, 
 
 ''T would turn us out of both together: 
 
 And therefore have no other Means, 
 
 To stand upon our own Defence \ 
 
 But keeping up our Ancient Party 
 
 In Vigor, Confident, and Hearty: 
 
 To reconcile our late Dissenters, 
 
 Our Brethren, though by other Venters, 
 
 Unite them, and their different Maggots, 
 
 As long and short Sticks are in Faggots. 
 
 And make them joyn again as close. 
 
 As when they first began t'' Espouse ; 
 
 Ere Si them into Separate, 
 
 New fewish Tribes, in Church and State ; 
 
 To joyn in Marriage and Commerce, 
 
 And only among themselves Converse. 
 
 And all that are not of their Mind, 
 
 Make Enemies to all Mankind : 
 
 Take all Religions in and stickle. 
 
 From Conclave, down to Conventicle ; 
 
 274
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 Agreeing still, or disagreeing, 
 
 According to the Light in Being. 
 
 Sometimes, for Liberty of Conscience, 
 
 And Spiritual Mis-rule, in one Sense : 
 
 But in another quite contrary. 
 
 As Dispensations chance to vary : 
 
 And stand for, as the Times will bear it. 
 
 All Contradictions of the Spirit : 
 
 Protect their Emissaries, ifnpowr''d 
 
 To preach Sedition and the Word : 
 
 And when th* are hamper'd by the Laws, 
 
 Release the LaFrers for the Cause ; 
 
 And turn the Persecution back. 
 
 On those that made the first Attack. 
 
 To keep them equally in awe. 
 From breaking, or maintaining Law ; 
 And when they have their Fits too soon. 
 Before the Full-Tides of the Moon : 
 Put off their Zeal t'a fitter Season, 
 For sowing Faction in, and Treason ; 
 And keep them hooded, and their Churches, 
 Like Hawks from bating on their Perches. 
 That when the Blessed Time shall come, 
 Of quitting Babylon and Rome, 
 They may be ready to restore 
 Their own Fift-Monarchy, once more ; 
 Mean while, be better Arm^d to Fence, 
 Against Revolts of Providence ; 
 By watching narrowly, and snapping 
 All blind sides of it, as they happen : 
 For, if Success could make us Saints, 
 Our Ruin turn'd us Miscreants : 
 A Scandal that would fall too hard 
 Upon a Few, and unprepared. 
 
 These are the Courses we must run, 
 Spight of our Hearts, or be undone : 
 And not to stand on Terms and Freaks, 
 Before we have secured our Necks. 
 
 s 2 
 
 275
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 But do our Work^ as out of sight^ 
 
 As Stars by Day^ and Suns by Night: 
 
 All Licence of the People own^ 
 
 In opposition to the Crown. 
 
 And for the Crown as fiercely side^ 
 
 The Head and Body to divide ; 
 
 The end of all we first design d^ 
 
 And all that yet remains behind : 
 
 Be sure to spare no publick Rapine^ 
 
 On all Emergencies that happen ; 
 
 For 'tis as easie to supplant 
 
 Authority^ as Men in want: 
 
 As some of uSy in trusts, have made 
 
 The one hand with the other Trade ; 
 
 Gained vastly, by their foint-Endeavour ; 
 
 The Right a Thief the Left Receiver: 
 
 And what the one, by tricks, fore-staWd, 
 
 The other, by as sly, RetaiVd. 
 
 For Gain has wonderful EffeSis, 
 
 T' improve the FaSiory of SeSts ; 
 
 The Rule of Faith in all Professions, 
 
 And great Diana of the Ephesians : 
 
 Whence turning of Religion s made 
 
 The means to turn and wind a Trade. 
 
 And though some change it for the worse^ 
 
 They put themselves into a Course ; 
 
 And draw in store of Customers, 
 
 To thrive the better in Commerce : 
 
 For, all Religions flock together. 
 
 Like Tame, and Wild-Fowl of a Feather ; 
 
 To nab the Itches of their Seiis : 
 
 As 'Jades do one another'' s Necks. 
 
 Hence 'tis, Hypocrisie, as well. 
 
 Will serve t' improve a Church, as Zeal : 
 
 As Persecution, or Promotion, 
 
 Do equally advance Devotion. 
 
 Let Business, like ill Watches, go. 
 Sometime too fast, sometime too slow: 
 For, things in order are put out 
 
 276
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 So easie^ Ease it self will do't. 
 
 But when the Feafs design d and meanty 
 
 What Miracle can bar th'' event F 
 
 For Uis fuore easie to betray^ 
 
 Than ruin any other way. 
 
 All possible occasions start^ 
 
 The Weighty St Matters to divert : 
 
 Obstru/^y Perplexy Distra£iy Intangle^ 
 
 And lay perpetual Trains to wrangle : 
 
 But in Affairs of less Import^ 
 
 That neither do us Good nor Hurty 
 
 And they receive as little by^ 
 
 Out-fawn as much^ and Out-comply : 
 
 And seem as scrupulously justy 
 
 To bait our Hooks for greater Trust. 
 
 But still be careful to cry down 
 
 All publick AElionSy though our own : 
 
 The least Miscarriage aggravatey 
 
 And charge it all upon the State : 
 
 Express the horrid'st Detestationy 
 
 And pity the distracted Nation. 
 
 Tell StorieSy scandalous and falsey 
 
 V th" proper Language of Cabals : 
 
 Where all a subtil States-man says 
 
 Is half in Wordsy and half in Face : 
 
 {As Spaniards talk in DialogueSy 
 
 Of Heads and ShoulderSy Nods and Shrugs) 
 
 Entrust it under solemn Vows 
 
 Of Mum and Silencey and the Rose 
 
 To be RetaiPd again in WhisperSy 
 
 For th'easie credulous to disperse. 
 
 Thus far the States-man. When a Shout, 
 
 Heard at a distance, put him out. 
 
 And strait another, all agast, 
 
 Rush'd in with equal Fear and Haste : 
 
 Who star'd about, as pale as Death, 
 
 And for a while, as out of Breath -y 
 
 277
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Till having gather'd up his Wits, 
 He thus began his Tale by fits. 
 
 That beastly Rabble^ that came down 
 
 Frotn all the Garrets in the TowHy 
 
 And Stalls, and Shop-boards, in vast Swarms, 
 
 With new-chaWd Bills, and rusty Arms, 
 
 To cry the Cause up, heretofore. 
 
 And bawl the Bishops out of Door ; 
 
 Are now drawn up, in greater Shoals, 
 
 To Roast and Boil us on the Coals: 
 
 And all the Grandees of our Members 
 
 Are Carhonading on the Embers ; 
 
 Knights, Citizens and Burgesses 
 
 Held forth by Rumps of Pigs and Geese. 
 
 That serve for Characters and Badges, 
 
 To represent their Personages. 
 
 Each Bone-fire is a Funeral-Pile, 
 
 In which they Roast, and Scorch, and Broil -y 
 
 And ev'ry Representative 
 
 Have vow'd to Roast and Broil alive \ 
 
 And ^tis a Miracle, we are not 
 
 Already, sacrific d Incarnate. 
 
 For, while we wrangle here, and jar. 
 
 Ware Grylly d all at Temple Bar: 
 
 Some, on the Sign-post of an Ale-house, 
 
 Hang in Effigy, on the Gallows, 
 
 Made up of Rags, to personate 
 
 Respective Officers of State; 
 
 That henceforth they may stand reputed, 
 
 Proscrib\l in Law, and Executed, 
 
 And while the Work is carrying on. 
 
 Be ready Listed under Dun ; 
 
 That worthy Patriot, once the Bellows, 
 
 And Tinder-box of all his Fellows. 
 
 The activist Member of the Five, 
 
 As well as the most Primitive: 
 
 Who, for his faithful Service then, 
 
 Is chosen for a Fifth a gen \ 
 
 {For, since the State has made a Quint 
 
 278
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 Of Generals^ he's listed int.) 
 
 This Worthy.^ as the World will say^ 
 
 Is paid in Specie^ his own way ; 
 
 For, moulded to the Life in Clouts^ 
 
 Th'have pick'd from Dung-hills hereabouts : 
 
 He's mounted on a Ha%el Bavin, 
 
 A crofd Malignant Baker gave 'em : 
 
 And, to the largest Bonefire riding, 
 
 Th'have roasted Cook already, and Pride-m. 
 
 On whom, in Equipage, and State, 
 
 His Scare-crow Fellow-Members wait; 
 
 And March in Order, two and two. 
 
 As at Thanksgivings th'us'd to do : 
 
 Each in a tatter'd Talismane, 
 
 Like Vermine in Effigie slain. 
 
 But (what's more dreadful than the rest) 
 Those Rumps are but the Tail o'th' Beast ; 
 Set up by Popish Engineers, 
 As by the Crackers plainly appears : 
 For, none but Jesuits have a Mission, 
 To preach the Faith with Ammunition ; 
 And propagate the Church with Powder, 
 Their Founder was a blown up Soldier. 
 These Spiritual Pioneers o'th' JVhores, 
 That have the Charge of all her Stores ; 
 Since first they fail'd in their Designs, 
 To take in Heav'n by springing Mines ; 
 And with unanswerable Barrels 
 Of Gun-powder, dispute their Quarrels : 
 Now take a Course more pra^icable. 
 By laying Trains to fire the Rabble, 
 And blow us up in th'open Streets ; 
 Disguis'd in Rumps, like Sambenites ; 
 More like to Ruin, and Confound, 
 Than all their Do5lrines under-ground. 
 
 Nor have they chosen Rumps amiss. 
 For Symbols of State-Mysteries ; 
 Though some suppose, 'twas but to shew 
 
 279
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 How much they scorn' d the Saints^ The Few\ 
 
 Who^ *cause th'' are wasted to the Stumps^ 
 
 Are represented best by Rumps. 
 
 But yesuites have deeper Reaches 
 
 In all their Politick Far-fetches : 
 
 And from their Coptick Priest^ Kirkerus, 
 
 Found out this Mystick way to jear us. 
 
 For., as the /Egyptians us'd., by BeeSy 
 
 T^ express their Antick Ptolomies ; 
 
 And by their Stings^ the Swords they wore^ 
 
 Held forth Authority and Pow^r : 
 
 Because these subtil Animals 
 
 Bear all their Interests in their Tails ; 
 
 And when th'are once impair''d in that., 
 
 Are banish' d their Well-order' d State : 
 
 They thought^ all Governments were besty 
 
 By Hieroglyphick RumpSy exprest. 
 
 Fory as in Bodies Natural^ 
 
 The Rump's the Fundament of all ; 
 
 Soy in a Commonwealthy or Realmy 
 
 The Government is calPd the Helm : 
 
 With whichy like Vessels under Saily 
 
 Th'are turn d and winded by the Tail. 
 
 The Tally which Birds and Fishes steer 
 
 Their Courses withy through Sea and Air ; 
 
 To whom the Rudder of the Rump is 
 
 The same thing With the Stern and Compass. 
 
 This shewSy how perfe£ily the Rump 
 
 And Commonwealth in Nature jump. 
 
 Fory as a Ffyy that goes to Bedy 
 
 Rests with his Tail above his Head y 
 
 So in this Mungril State of oursy 
 
 The Rabble are the Supreme Powers. 
 
 That Hors'd us on their Backs to show us 
 
 A yadish trick at lasty and throw us. 
 
 The Learned Rabbins of the yews 
 
 WritCy there's a BonCy wbich they call Luez, 
 
 280
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO II 
 
 Pth' Rump of Man^ of such a Vertue^ 
 No force in Nature can do hurt to ; 
 And therefore^ at the last Great Day^ 
 All th" other Members shall^ they say^ 
 Spring out of this, as from a Seed, 
 All sorts of Vegetals proceed : 
 From whence, the Learned Sons of Art, 
 Os Sacrum, justly stile that part. 
 
 Then what can better represent. 
 Than this Rump-bone, the Parliament ? 
 That after several rude Ejections, 
 And as prodigious Resurrections ; 
 JVith new Reversions of nine Lives, 
 Starts up, and, like a Cat, revives F 
 
 But now, alas, tFare all expired, 
 And th* House, as well as Members, fird ; 
 Consumed in Kennels, by the Rout, 
 With which they other Fires put out: 
 Condemn d fungoverning Distress, 
 And Paultry, Private Wretchedness : 
 Worse than the Devil to Privation, 
 Beyond all hopes of Restauration ; 
 And parted like the Body and Soul, 
 From all Dominion and Controul. 
 
 We, who could lately, with a Look, 
 EnaSl, Establish, or Revoke ; 
 Whose Arbitrary Nods gave Law, 
 And Frowns kept multitudes in Awe: 
 Before the Bluster of whose Huff, 
 All Hats, as in a Storm, flew off". 
 Adored and bow''d to, by the Great, 
 Down to the Foot-man, and Valet. 
 Had more bent Knees than Chappel-Mats, 
 And Prayers, than the Crowns of Hats ; 
 Shall now be scorned as wretchedly. 
 For Ruin^s just as low as high ; 
 Which might be suffered, were it all 
 
 281
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 The Horrour^ that attends our Fall: 
 
 For^ some of us have Scores more large 
 
 Than Heads and Quarters can discharge. 
 
 And others who^ by restless scraping^ 
 
 With Publick Frauds^ and Private Rapine ; 
 
 Have mighty Heaps of Wealth amass'd^ 
 
 Would gladly lay down all at last : 
 
 And to he hut undone^ Entail 
 
 Their Vessels on perpetual fail-^ 
 
 And bless the Devil to let them Farms 
 
 Of forfeit Souls^ on no worse Terms. 
 
 This saidy A near and louder Shout 
 
 Put all th^Asse?nhly to the Rout: 
 
 Who now begun t^out-run their fear^ 
 
 As Horses do^ from those that bear : 
 
 But crouded on^ with so much haste^ 
 
 Until th'had block'' d the Passage fast ; 
 
 And Barricadoed it with Haunches 
 
 Of Outward Men., and Bulks^ and Paunches. 
 
 That with their shoulders strove to squeeze^ 
 
 And rather save a Crip led piece 
 
 Of all their crushed and broken Members^ 
 
 Than have them Grillied on the Embers: 
 
 Still pressing on with heavy Packs^ 
 
 Of one another^ on their Backs : 
 
 The Van-Guard could no longer bear 
 
 The Charges of the Forlorn Rere ; 
 
 But born down head-long by the Rout^ 
 
 Were trampled sorely under Foot. 
 
 Tet nothing prov'^d so formidable^ 
 
 As the horrid Cookery of the Rabble : 
 
 And Fear that keeps all Feeling out., 
 
 As lesser Pains are^ by the Gout^ 
 
 Relieved ''em with a fresh Supply 
 
 Of rallied Force., enough to fly \ 
 
 And beat a Tuscan Running Horse., 
 
 Whose "Jocky-Rider is all Spurs. 
 
 282
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO III 
 
 CANTO III. 
 
 The ARGUMENT. 
 
 The Knight and Squire s Prodigious Flighty 
 To quit th^ Inchanted Bovur by Night : 
 He plods to turn his Amorous Suit 
 T*a Plea in Law^ and prosecute : 
 Repairs to Counsel^ to advise 
 *Bout managing the Enterprize : 
 But first resolves to try by Letter^ 
 And once more^ fair Address^ to get her. 
 
 WHo would believe what strange Bugbears 
 Mankind creates it self, of Fears ? 
 That spring like Fern, that Inseft Weed, 
 Equivocally, without Seed; 
 And have no possible Fo#ndation, 
 But merely in th'Imagination : 
 And yet can do more dreadful Feats, 
 Than Hags^ with all their Imps and Teats : 
 Make more bewitch and haunt themselves, 
 Than all their Nurseries of Elves. 
 For fear does things so like a Witch, 
 'Tis hard t'unriddle which is which. 
 Sets up Communities of Senses, 
 To chop and change Intelligences : 
 As Rosi-crusian l^irtuoso's^ 
 Can see with Ears^ and hear with Noses : 
 And when they neither see nor hear. 
 Have more than both suppli'd by Fear ; 
 That makes 'em in the dark see Visions^ 
 
 283
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And hag themselves with Apparitiom : 
 
 And when their Eyes discover least, 
 
 Discern the subt'lest Obje61:s best. 
 
 Do things not contrary alone 
 
 To th'Course of Nature, but its own: 
 
 The Courage of the Bravest daunt. 
 
 And turn Pultroons as valiant ; 
 
 For Men as reso/ute appear 
 
 JVith too much^ as too little Fear. 
 
 And when th'are out of hopes of flying, 
 
 Will run away from Death by dying : 
 
 Or turn again to stand it out, 
 
 And those they fled, like Lions Rout. 
 
 This Hudibras had prov'd too true. 
 
 Who, by the Furies, left Perdue : 
 
 And haunted with Detachments, sent 
 
 From Marshal-Legion s Regiment ; 
 
 Was by a Fiend, as counterfeit, 
 
 Reliev'd and Rescu'd with a Cheat : 
 
 When nothing but himself and fear 
 
 Was both the Imps and Conjurer: 
 
 As by the Rules o'th' Virtuosi, 
 
 It follows in due Form of Paste. 
 
 Disguis'd in all the Masks of Night, 
 
 We left our Champion on his flight : 
 
 At Blind-Man s-Buff] to grope his way, 
 
 In equal fear, of Night and Day : 
 
 Who took his dark and desp'rate Course, 
 
 He knew no better than his Horse ; 
 
 And by an unknown Devil led, 
 
 (He knew as little whether) fled. 
 
 He never was in greater need. 
 
 Nor less Capacity of Speed: 
 
 Disabled both in Man and Beast, 
 
 To fly, and run away, his best ; 
 
 To keep the Enemy, and Fear, 
 
 From equal falling on his Rere. 
 
 And though with Kicks and bangs he ply'd 
 
 The further, and the nearer side : 
 
 284
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO III 
 
 (As Sea-men ride with all their force, 
 And Tug as if they Rowed the Horse ; 
 And when the Hackney Sails most swift. 
 Believe they lag^ or run a-drifi) 
 So though he posted e'er so fast. 
 His Fear was greater than his Haste : 
 For Fear though fleeter than the Wind, 
 Believes 'tis always left behind. 
 But when the Morn began to appear. 
 And shift t'another Scene his Fear ; 
 He found his new Officious Shade^ 
 That came so timely to his Aid: 
 And forc'd him from the Foe t'escape, 
 Had turn'd it self to Ralpho's shape. 
 So like in Person^ Garb and Pitchy 
 'Twas hard t' interpret which was which. 
 
 For Ralpho had no sooner told 
 The Lady all he had t'unfold. 
 But she convey'd him out of sight, 
 To entertain the approaching Knight. 
 And while he gave himself Diversion, 
 T' accommodate his Beast and Person ; 
 And put his Beard into a posture, 
 At best advantage to accost her : 
 She order'd th' Jntimasquerade, 
 (For his Reception) aforesaid: 
 But when the Ceremony was done. 
 The Lights put outy and Furies gone ; 
 And Hudibras., amongst the rest, 
 Convey'd away, as Ralpho guest : 
 The wretched Caitiff all alone, 
 (As he believ'd) began to moan. 
 And tell his Story to himself; 
 The Knight mistook him for an Elf. 
 And did so still, till he began 
 To scruple at Ralph's Outward Man : 
 And thought, because they oft agreed, 
 T'appear in one another's stead ; 
 And adl the Saint's and DeviTs Part, 
 
 285
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 With undistinguishable Art. 
 
 They might have done so now perhaps, 
 
 And put on one another's Shapes ; 
 
 And therefore, to resolve the doubt, 
 
 He star'd upon him, a[n]d cry'd out. 
 
 What art ? My Squire^ or that hold Sprite^ 
 
 That took his Place and Shape to Night ? 
 
 Some husie Independent Pug^ 
 
 Retainer to his Synagogue ? 
 
 Alas^ quoth he, Vyn none of those 
 
 Your Bosom-Friends^ as you suppose ; 
 
 But Ralph himself your trusty Squire^ 
 
 Wh'has drag'd your Dunship out o'th' Mire j 
 
 And from the Inchantments of a IViddow^ 
 
 Wh had turnd you inf a Beast^ have freed you. 
 
 And^ though a Prisoner of War^ 
 
 Have brought you safe^ where now you are. 
 
 Which you would gratefully repay^ 
 
 Your constant Presbyterian way. 
 
 That's stranger (quoth the Knight) and stranger. 
 
 Who gave thee notice of my danger P 
 
 Quoth he, Th'Infernal Conjurer 
 
 Pursud and took me Prisoner ; 
 
 And knowing you were here about^ 
 
 Brought me along^ to find you out. 
 
 Where I in Hugger-mugger hid., 
 
 Have noted all they said and did : 
 
 And though they lay to him the Pageant^ 
 
 I did not see him, nor his Agent ; 
 
 Who plai'd their Sorceries out of sighty 
 
 T'avoid a fiercer^ second Fight. 
 
 But, didst thou see no Devils then? 
 Not one., quoth he, but Carnal Men. 
 A little worse than Fiends in Hell., 
 And that She-Devil^ Jezabel ; 
 That laughed and tee-he'd with derision^ 
 To see them take your Deposition. 
 What then (quoth Hudibras) was he. 
 That plaid the Dev'l, to examine me ? 
 
 286
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO III 
 
 A Rallying Weaver in the Town^ 
 
 That did it in a Parsons Gown: 
 
 JVhom all the Parish takes for gifted ; 
 
 But^ for my part^ I ne'er believed it. 
 
 In which you told them all your Feats^ 
 
 Tour Conscientious Frauds and Cheats ; 
 
 Denfd your Whipping^ and confess' d 
 
 The naked Truth of all the rest : 
 
 More plainly than the Reverend Writer, 
 
 That to our Churches veiVd his Mitre. 
 
 All which they took in Black and White, 
 
 And cudgePd me to under-write. 
 
 What made thee, when they all were gone, 
 
 And none but thou and I alone ; 
 
 To a(St the Devil, and forbear 
 
 To rid me of my FLelUsh Fear ? 
 
 Quoth he, / knew your constant Rate, 
 
 And Frame of Sfrite, too obstinate. 
 
 To be by me prevailed upon 
 
 With any Motives of my own : 
 
 And therefore strove to counterfeit 
 
 The DevU a while, to Nick your Wit. 
 
 The Devil, that is your constant Crony, 
 
 That only can prevail upon ye ; 
 
 Else we might still have been disputing. 
 
 And they with weighty Drubs confuting. 
 
 The Knight, who now began to find 
 
 Th'had left the Enemy behind ; 
 
 And saw no farther harm remain, 
 
 But feeble Weariness and Pain ; 
 
 Perciev'd, by losing of their Way, 
 
 Th'had gain'd th'advantage of the Day; 
 
 And by declining of the Road, 
 
 They had by chance their Rere made good. 
 
 He ventur'd to dismiss his Fear, 
 
 That parting's wont to Rant and Tear. 
 
 And gives the desperat'st Attack 
 
 To danger, still behind its Back. 
 
 For, having paws'd to recollect, 
 
 287
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And on his past Success refleft, 
 
 T'examine and consider why, 
 
 And whence, and how, he came to fly; 
 
 And when no Devil had appear'd, 
 
 What else, it could be said, he fear'd ? 
 
 It put him in so fierce a Rage, 
 
 He once resolv'd to re-engage ; 
 
 Tost like a Foot-ball back again, 
 
 With Shame^ and Vengeance^ and Disdain. 
 
 Quoth he, // was thy Cowardise 
 That made tne from this Leaguer rise j 
 And when I had half reduced the place^ 
 To quit it infamously base. 
 Was better cover' d by thy New 
 Arrived Detachment than I knew : 
 To slight my new Acquests^ and run 
 FiSforiously^ from Battels won. 
 And reckoning all I gaind or lost^ 
 To sell them cheaper than they cost. 
 To make me put my self to flight ; 
 And Conquring^ run away by Night. 
 To drag me outy which tF haughty Foe^ 
 Durst never have presumed to do. 
 To mount me in the dark by force^ 
 Upon the bare Ridge of my Horse. 
 Exposed in Querpo to their Rage^ 
 Without my Arms and Equipage ; 
 Lest^ if they ventured to pursue, 
 I might the unequal Fight renew. 
 Andy to preserve thy Outward Man, 
 Assumed my Place, and led the Van. 
 
 All this, quoth Ralph, / did, 'tis true, 
 
 Not to preserve my self, but you. 
 
 You, who were damnd to baser Drubs, 
 
 Than Wretches feel in PowdWing Tubs : 
 
 To mount two wheePd Carroches, worse 
 
 Than mannaging a Wooden Horse : 
 
 Drag'd out through straiter Holes, by th'Ears, 
 
 288
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO III 
 
 Eras' d^ or Coup'd for Perjurers. 
 
 JVho^ though the Attempt had proved in vain^ 
 
 Had had no reason to complain : 
 
 But since it prosper d., "'tis unhandsome 
 
 To blame the Hand that paid your Ransome ; 
 
 And rescued your obnoxious Bones 
 
 From unavoidable Bat toons. 
 
 The Enemy was reinforc\l^ 
 
 And we disabled and unhorsed: 
 
 Disarm'd^ unqualified for Fight ; 
 
 And no way left., hut hasty Flight. 
 
 Which., though as desperate in the Attempt^ 
 
 Has givn you freedom to condemn t. 
 
 But were our Bones in fit Condition 
 
 To re-inforce the Expedition., 
 
 'Tis now unseasonable^ and vain^ 
 
 To think of falling on again: 
 
 No Martial ProjeSl to surprize^ 
 
 Can ever be attempted twice ; 
 
 Nor cast design serve afterwards^ 
 
 As Gamesters tear their losing Cards. 
 
 Beside., our bangs of Man and Beast 
 
 Are fit for nothing now hut Rest. 
 
 And for awhile will not be able 
 
 To rally., and prove serviceable. 
 
 And therefore I with reason chose 
 
 This Stratagem., f amuse our Foes. 
 
 To make an Honourable Retreat., 
 
 And wave a total sure Defeat: 
 
 For., those that fly., may fight again., 
 
 Which he can never do that''s slain. 
 
 Hence timely Running's no mean part 
 
 Of Conduct., in the Martial Art. 
 
 By which some Glorious Feats atchieve., 
 
 As Citizens, by breaking, thrive. 
 
 And Cannons conquer Armies, while 
 
 They seem to dratu off and recoyl. 
 
 Is held the gallantest Course, and bravest, 
 
 To great Exploits, as well as safest : 
 
 T 289
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 That spares the Expence of Time and PairiSy 
 
 And dangerous beating out of Brains. 
 
 And in the end prevails^ as certain^ 
 
 As those that never trust to Fortune j 
 
 But jnake their Fear do Execution^ 
 
 Beyond the stoutest Resolution ; 
 
 As Earth-quakes kill^ without a Blow^ 
 
 And only trembling^ overthrow. 
 
 If th'' Ancients Crown d their bravest Men 
 
 That only sav^d a Citizen^ 
 
 What Vi£iory could e'er be won^ 
 
 If evry one would save but one ? 
 
 Or Fight endangered to be lost, 
 
 Where all resolve to save the most ? 
 
 By this meanSj when a BattePs won^ 
 
 The War's as far from being done : 
 
 For those that save themselves^ and fy^ 
 
 Go halves^ at least^ in th'ViSiory : 
 
 And sometime^ when their loss is small^ 
 
 And danger great., they challenge all : 
 
 Print new Additions to their Feats^ 
 
 And Emendations in Gazets ; 
 
 And wheny for furious haste to run, 
 
 They durst not stay to fire a Gun : 
 
 Have don't with Bone-fires, and at home, 
 
 Make Squibs and Crackers overcome. 
 
 To set the Rabble on a Flame, 
 
 And keep their Governors from Blame : 
 
 Disperse the News, the Pulpit tells. 
 
 Confirmed with Fire-works, and with Bells : 
 
 And though reduced to that Extream, 
 
 They have been forcd to sing Te Deum ; 
 
 Yet, with Religious Blasphetiiy, 
 
 By flattering Heaven with a Lie, 
 
 And for their Beating, giving Thanks, 
 
 Th'have rais'd Recruits, and fiWd their Banks; 
 
 For those who run from the Enemy, 
 
 Engage them equally to fly. 
 
 And when the Fight becomes a Chace, 
 
 290
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO III 
 
 Those win the Day^ that win the Race ; 
 
 And that which would not pass in Fights^ 
 
 Has done the Feat with easie Slights. 
 
 Recover'd many a despWate Campain^ 
 
 With Bourdeaux, Burgundy and Champain. 
 
 Restored the fainting High and Mighty 
 
 With Brandy-Wine and Aqua-Fita. 
 
 And made them stoutly overcome^ 
 
 With Bacrach^ Hocamore and Mum : 
 
 Whomy the uncontrouTd Decrees of Fate 
 
 To Victory necessitate. 
 
 With whichy although they run or burn^ 
 
 They unavoidably return : 
 
 Or else their Sultan-Populaces 
 
 Still strangle all their routed Bassa^s. 
 
 Quoth Hudibras, / understand 
 
 What Fights thou meanest at Sea and Land -^ 
 
 And who those were that run away^ 
 
 And yet gave out tFhad won the day : 
 
 Although the Rabble souc^d them fort., 
 
 O'er Head and Ears in Mud and Dirt. 
 
 ^Tis true., our Modern way of War 
 
 Is grown more politick by far ; 
 
 But not so resolute and bold., 
 
 Nor tfd to Honour., as the Old. 
 
 For^ now they laugh at giving Battel^ 
 
 Unless it be to Herds of Cattel : 
 
 Or fighting Convoys of Provisiony 
 
 The whole design of the Expedition. 
 
 And not with down-right blows to rout 
 
 The Enemy y but eat them out: 
 
 As Fighting in all Beasts of Prey^ 
 
 And Eating are perform" d one way^ 
 
 To give defiance to their teeth^ 
 
 And fight their stubborn Guts to death^ 
 
 And those atchieve the highest Renown^ 
 
 That bring the other Stomachs down. 
 
 There's now no fear of wounds nor maiming^ 
 
 All dangers are reducd to Famine. 
 
 T2 
 
 291
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And Feats of ArmSy to Plot^ Design^ 
 
 Surprizey and Stratagem^ and Mine. 
 
 But have no need^ nor use of Courage^ 
 
 Unless it be for Glory^ or Forrage : 
 
 For if they fight^ Uis but by chance^ 
 
 IVhen one side vcnfring to Advance.^ 
 
 And come uncivilly too near^ 
 
 Are charged unmercifully ith' Rere : 
 
 And forcd with terrible resistance^ 
 
 To keep hereafter at a distance^ 
 
 To pick out Ground to incamp upon 
 
 JVhere store of largest Rivers run^ 
 
 That serve instead of peaceful Barriers 
 
 To part th^ Engage?nents of their IVarriers. 
 
 Where both from side to side may skip^ 
 
 And only encounter at Bo-peep. 
 
 For Men are found the stouter hearted^ 
 
 The certainer th"" are to be parted. 
 
 And therefore post themselves in Bogs, 
 
 As the ancient Mice attacFd the Frogs ; 
 
 And made their mortal Enemy^ 
 
 The Water-Rat., their great Ally. 
 
 For "'tis not now., who's stout and bold ; 
 
 But who bears Hunger besty and Cold : 
 
 And he''s approvd the most deserving^ 
 
 Who longest can hold out at starving : 
 
 But he that routs most Pigs and Cows^ 
 
 The formidablest Man of Prowess. 
 
 Soy the Emperor Caligula, 
 
 That triumphed o''er the British Sea ; 
 
 Took Crabs and Oysters Prisoners^ 
 
 And LobsterSy ''stead of Curasiers ; 
 
 Engag'd his Legions in fierce Bustles^ 
 
 With Periwinkles, Prawns and Muscles : 
 
 And led his Troops with furious Gallops, 
 
 To charge whole Regiments of Scallops. 
 
 Not like their ancient way of War, 
 
 To wait on his Triumphal Carr: 
 
 But when he went to Dine or Sup, 
 
 More bravely eat his Captives up ; 
 
 292
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO III 
 
 And left all Wars by his Example^ 
 Reduc'd to viSiUing of a Camp well. 
 
 Quoth Ralph, by all that you have said^ 
 
 And twice as much that I could add^ 
 
 ^Tis plain^ you cannot now do worse^ 
 
 Than take this out-of-fashiond course : 
 
 To hope by stratagem to woo her^ 
 
 Or waging Battle to subdue her. 
 
 Though some have done it in Romances, 
 
 And bang\l them into amorous Fancies, 
 
 As those, who won the Amazons, 
 
 By wanton drubbing of their bones : 
 
 And stout Rinaldo gain'd his Bride 
 
 By Courting of her Back and Side. 
 
 But since those times and feats are over. 
 
 They are not for a Modern Lover : 
 
 When Mistresses are too cross-grain d. 
 
 By such Addresses, to be gaind : 
 
 And if they were, would have it out. 
 
 With many other kind of Bout. 
 
 Therefore I hold no Course s'infesible 
 
 As this of force to win the fezabel. 
 
 To storm her heart, by th" Antick Charms * 
 
 Of Ladies Errant, force of Arms \ 
 
 But rather strive by Law to win her. 
 
 And try the Title you have in her. 
 
 Tour case is clear, you have her Word, 
 
 And me to witness the Accord. 
 
 Besides two more of her Retinue, 
 
 To testife what passed between you. 
 
 More probable, and like to hold. 
 
 Than Hand, or Seal, or breaking Gold : 
 
 For which so many that renounced 
 
 Their plighted Contracts, have been trouncd. 
 
 And Bills upon Record been found. 
 
 That forcd the Ladies to compound : 
 
 And that unless I miss the matter, 
 
 Is all the business you look after : 
 
 Besides, Encounters at the Bar,
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Are braver now^ than those in War. 
 In which the Law does Execution^ 
 With less Disorder and Confusion : 
 Has more of Honour in't some hold^ 
 Not like the New way^ but the Old. 
 When those the Pen had drawn together^ 
 Decided Quarrels with the Feather^ 
 And winged Arrows kiWd as dead. 
 And more than Bullets now of Lead. 
 So all their Combats now^ as then^ 
 Are rnanag'd chiefly by the Pen. 
 That does the Feat^ with braver Figours^ 
 In words at lengthy as well as Figures. 
 Is fudge of all the World performs^ 
 In voluntary Feats of Arms. 
 And whatso' ere' s atchievd in Fighty 
 Determines which is wrong or right ; 
 For whether you Prevail or Lose^ 
 All must be trfd there in the close. 
 And therefore "'tis not wise to shun^ 
 What you must trust to^ ere yhave done. 
 
 The Law., that settles all you do. 
 And marries where you did but woo ; 
 That makes the most perfidious Lover^ 
 A Lady., that's as false., recover : 
 And if it judge upon your side^ 
 Will soon extend her for your Bride : 
 And put her Persony GoodSy or Lands^ 
 Or which you like best infyour hands ; 
 
 For Law^s the Wisdom of all Ages 
 And fnanag^d by the ablest Sages, 
 Who though their Bus''ness at the Bar 
 Be but a kind of Civil War, 
 In which th'ingage with fiercer Dudgeons 
 Than e're the Grecians did and Trojans. 
 They never manage the Contest, 
 T' impair their publick Interest ; 
 Or by their Controversies, lessen 
 
 294
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO III 
 
 The dignity of their Profession : 
 
 Not like us Brethren, who divide 
 
 Our Common-wealthy the Cause and Side, 
 
 And though w"" are all as near of Kindred 
 
 As tlj outward Man is to the Inward ; 
 
 JVe agree in nothing but to wrangle 
 
 About the slightest fingle fangle. 
 
 While Lawyers have more sober sense. 
 
 Than to argue at their own expence. 
 
 But make their best Advantages, 
 
 Of other quarrels, like the Swiss, 
 
 And out of Foreign Controversies, 
 
 By aiding both sides, fill their Purses. 
 
 But have no infrest in the Cause, 
 
 For which tF engage, and wage the Laws : 
 
 Nor further ProspeSl than their Pay, 
 
 Whether they lose or win the Day. 
 
 And though th'' abounded in all Ages, 
 
 With sundry learned Clerks, and Sages. 
 
 Though all their business be Dispute, 
 
 With which they canvas every Suit j 
 
 Th^ have no disputes about their Art, 
 
 Nor in Polemicks controvert. 
 
 While all Professions else are found. 
 
 With nothing but Disputes f abound : 
 
 Divines of all sorts, and Physicians, 
 
 Philosophers, Mathematicians ; 
 
 The Gallenist, and Paracelsian, 
 
 Condemn the way each other deals in. 
 
 Anatomists disseSt and tnangle. 
 
 To cut thetnselves out Work to wrayisle. 
 
 Astrologers dispute their Dreams ; 
 
 That in their Sleeps they talk of Schemes. 
 
 And Heralds stickle, who got who. 
 
 So many hundred Tears ago. 
 
 But Lawyers are too wise a Nation, 
 T'' expose their Trade to Disputation: 
 Or make the busie Rabble Judges, 
 Of all their secret Pi[_q\ues, and Grudges: 
 
 295
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 In tuh'ich zvhoever wins the day^ 
 'The luhole Profession s sure to pay. 
 
 Beside^ no Mountebanks^ nor Cheats 
 
 Dare undertake to do their Feats ; 
 
 When in all other Sciences^ 
 
 They swarm^ like InseSis^ and Increase: 
 
 For what Bigot durst ever draw^ 
 
 By Inward Light^ a Deed in Daw ? 
 
 Or could hold forth^ by Revelation^ 
 
 An Answer to a Declaration P 
 
 For those that meddle with their Tools 
 
 tVill cut their Fingers^ if th^are Fools. 
 
 And if you follow their Advice^ 
 
 In Bills^ and Answers^ and Replies : 
 
 Thefl write a Love-Letter in Chancery 
 
 Shall bring her upon Oath to Answer ye. 
 
 And soon Reduce you to Vyour Wife^ 
 
 Or make her weary of her Life. 
 
 The Knight who us'd with Tricks and Shifts^ 
 
 To Edifie by Rolpho's Gifts : 
 
 But in appearance cry'd him down, 
 
 To make them better seem his own, 
 
 (All Plagiary''s Constant Course 
 
 Of sinking^ when they take a Purse) 
 
 Resolv'd to follow his Advice, 
 
 But kept it from him in disguise : 
 
 And after stubborn Contradidlion, 
 
 To Counterfeit his own Conviction, 
 
 And by Transition, fall upon 
 
 The Resolution, as his own. 
 
 Quoth he j This Gambol thou advisest. 
 Is of all others^ the unwisest ; 
 For if I think by Law to gain her^ 
 There's nothing sillier nor vainer. 
 ^Tis but to hazard my Pretence^ 
 IVhere nothings certain but th'' Expence. 
 To A£i against my self and Traverse 
 
 2':)6
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO III 
 
 Mv Suit and Title to her favours. 
 And if she should., which Heaven forbid., 
 G' rethrow me., as the F idler did., 
 
 What after-course have I to take., 
 
 ''Gainst losing all I have at Stake ? 
 
 He that with injury is grievd., 
 
 And goes to Law to be Relieved ; 
 
 Is sillier than a sottish Chews., 
 
 Who when a Thief has RoFd his house ; 
 
 Applyes himself to Cunning-men 
 
 To help him to his Goods again. 
 
 When all he can expert to gain^ 
 
 Is but to squander more in vain : 
 
 And yet I have no other way., 
 
 But is as difficult, to play. 
 
 For to reduce her, by main force, 
 
 Is now in vain, by fair means, worse : 
 
 But worst of all, to give her over. 
 
 Till she's as desperate to recover. 
 
 For bad Games are thrown up too soon. 
 
 Until th'are never to be won. 
 
 But since I have no other Course, 
 
 But is as bad t'' attempt, or worse: 
 
 He that complies against his Will, 
 
 Is of his own Opinion still ; 
 
 JVhich he may adhere to, yet disown. 
 
 For Reasons to hitnselj- best knoiun : 
 
 But 'tis not to be avoided nozu, 
 
 For Sidrophel resolves to sue : 
 
 Whom I must answer, or begin 
 
 Inevitably, first with him. 
 
 For Tve reciev'd Advertisement, 
 
 By times, enough of his intent ; 
 
 And knowing, he that first complains, 
 
 Th' advantage of the business gains. 
 
 For Courts of Justice understand 
 
 The Plaintiff to be eldest hand \ 
 
 Who what he pleases may aver 
 
 The other nothing till he swear: 
 
 297
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Is freely admitted to all Grace^ 
 
 And Lawful Favour by his place : 
 
 And for his bringing Custom in^ 
 
 Has all Advantages to win. 
 
 I who resolve to oversee 
 
 No lucky Opportunity^ 
 
 Will go to Counsel^ to advise 
 
 Which way t''encounter or surprise. 
 
 And cfter long consideration^ 
 
 Have found out one to fit th'' occasion ; 
 
 Most apt^ for what I have to do^ 
 
 As Counsellor^ and Justice^ too. 
 
 And truly so, no doubt, he was, 
 
 A Lawyer fit for such a Case. 
 
 An Old Dull Sot ; wh'had told the Clock, 
 For many years at Bridewel-Dock. 
 At Westminster^ and Hickses-Hall^ 
 And Hiccius-Doc\_t']ius play'd in all ; 
 Where in all Governments^ and Times^ 
 H'had been both friend, and fo to Crimes, 
 And us'd two equal ways of gaining, 
 By hindring Justice, or maintaining : 
 To many a Whore gave Privi ledge. 
 And whip'd, for want of Quarteridge, 
 Cart-loads of Bawds, to Prison sent 
 For b'ing behind a Fortnights Rent. 
 And many a trusty Pi?np and Croney, 
 To Puddle-dock, for want of money. 
 Ingag'd the Constable to seize 
 All those, that would not break the Peace. 
 Nor give him back his own foul words. 
 Though sometimes Commoners, or Lords : 
 And kept 'em Prisoners, of Course, 
 P'or being sober at ill hours. 
 That in the Morning he might Free, 
 Or bind 'em over, for his Fee. 
 Made Monsters fine, and Puppet-plays, 
 For leave to pra6lice, in their ways : 
 Farm'd out all Cheats, and went a share, 
 
 298
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO III 
 
 With th' Headhorough^ and Scavenger^ 
 
 And made the Dirt ith' Streets Compound, 
 
 For talcing up the Publick Ground : 
 
 The Kennel^ and the King's High-way^ 
 
 For being unmolested, Pay. 
 
 Let out the Stocks^ and IVhipptng-Post^ 
 
 And Cage^ to those that gave him most ; 
 
 Impos'd a Tax on Bakers Ears, 
 
 And for Fa/se Weights on Chandeliers. 
 
 Made Viduallers, and [^intners Fine 
 
 For Arbitrary Ale, and Wine. 
 
 But was a kind and constant Friend 
 
 To all that Regularly offend : 
 
 As Residentiary Bawds, 
 
 And Brokers that receive stoWn Goods j 
 
 That cheat in Lawful Mysteries, 
 
 And pay Church-duties, and his Fees ; 
 
 But was implacable and auker'd 
 
 To all that Interlop'd, and Hawker'' d. 
 
 To this brave Man, the Knight repairs 
 
 For Counsel, in his Law-Affairs ; 
 
 And found him mounted, in his Pew, 
 
 With Books, and Money plac'd, for shew, 
 
 Like Nest-eggs, to make Clients lay 
 
 And for his false Opinion pay : 
 
 To whom the Knight, with comely Grace, 
 
 Put off his Hat, to put his Case : 
 
 Which he as proudly entertain'd, 
 
 As the other courteously strain'd. 
 
 And to assure him, 'twas not that. 
 
 He look'd for ; Bid him put on's Hat. 
 
 Quoth he, there is one Sidrophel 
 
 Whom I have cudgeTd Very well. 
 
 And now he brags, t'have beaten me. 
 Better, and better still, quoth he. 
 And vows to stick me to a Wall 
 
 Where e're he meets me best of all. 
 
 'Tis true, the Knave has taken s Oath, 
 
 299
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 That I roFd him IF'ell done in troth. 
 
 JVhen h"" has confest^ he stole my Cloak^ 
 And pick''d my Foh^ and what he took^ 
 JVhich was the cause, that made me bang him. 
 
 And take my Goods again marry hang him : 
 
 Now whether I should, before hand 
 
 Swear he roVd me F I understand. 
 
 Or bring my A^ion of Conversion 
 
 And Trover for my Goods ? Ah IVhorson. 
 
 Or if ^tis better to indite, 
 
 And bring him to his Trial? Right, 
 
 Prevent what he designs to do. 
 
 And swear for th" state against him F True. 
 
 Or whether he that is Defendant 
 
 In this Case, has the better end ont ; 
 
 Who putting in a new cross-bill. 
 
 May traverse th"" ASlion better still. 
 
 Then there's a Lady too. 1 marry, 
 
 That'^s easily prov''d accessary. 
 A JVidow, who by solemn Vows, 
 Contracted to me, for my Spouse, 
 Combined with him to break her word. 
 
 And has abetted all Good Lord, 
 
 Suborn d the aforesaid Sidrophel, 
 To tamper with the Dev'l of Hell. 
 JVho put m^into horrid far. 
 
 Fear of my Life, Make that appear. 
 
 Made an assault, with Fiends and Men 
 
 Upon my body. Good agen. 
 
 And kept me in a deadly fright 
 
 And false Imprisomnent all Night, 
 
 Mean while, they roFd me, and my Horse, 
 
 And stole my Saddle, worse and worse ; 
 
 And made me mount upon the bare-ridge, 
 T^ avoid a wretcheder miscarriage : 
 
 Sir, quoth the Lawyer, not to fatter ye, 
 Tou have as Good, and Fair a Battery, 
 As heart can wish, and need not shame, 
 The proudest Man alive to claim. 
 
 300
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO III 
 
 For if th' have ui'd you^ as you say^ 
 
 Marry^ quoth /, God give you joy^ 
 
 I would it were my Case, I'd give, 
 
 More than Vll say, or you II believe. 
 
 I would so trounce her, and her Purse, 
 
 rid make her kneel for betfr or worse; 
 
 For Matrimony, and Hanging here. 
 
 Both go by destiny so clear, 
 
 That you as sure, may Pick and Choose, 
 
 As Cross I win, and Pile you lose. 
 
 And if I durst, I would advance 
 
 As much, in Ready Maintenance ; 
 
 As upon any Case Vve known. 
 
 But we that praSiice dare not own. 
 
 The Law severely contrabands. 
 
 Our taking business off Mens hands ; 
 
 "Tis Common barratry, that bears 
 
 Point blank an Action 'gainst our Ears, 
 
 And crops them, till there is not Leather, 
 
 To stick a Pin in, left of either ; 
 
 For which, some do the Sutnmer-sault 
 
 And ore the Bar, like Tumblers, vault. 
 
 But you may swear at any rate 
 
 Things not in Nature, for the State : 
 
 For in all Courts of yustice here 
 
 A JVitness is not said to swear. 
 
 But make Oath, that is, in plain terms. 
 
 To forge whatever he affirms : 
 
 (I thank you, quoth the Knight, for that, 
 
 Because 'tis to my purpose pat ) 
 
 [i^jor yustice, though she's painted blind. 
 
 Is to the weaker side enclin'd 
 
 Like charity, else right, and wrong. 
 
 Could never hold it out so long. 
 
 And like blind Fortune, with a slight. 
 
 Conveys Mens Interest, and Right, 
 
 From Stile's Pocket, into Nokeses : 
 
 As easily as Hocus Pocus. 
 
 Plays fast and loose, makes Men Obnoxious, 
 
 And clear again, like Hiccius-Do^ius. 
 
 301
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Then whether you would take her life^ 
 
 Or but recover her for your Wife : 
 
 Or be content with what she haSy 
 
 And let all other matters Pass^ 
 
 The Business to the Law^s alone^ 
 
 The proof is all it look's upon. 
 
 And you can want no Witnesses^ 
 
 To swear to any thing you please. 
 
 That hardly get their 7neer Expences 
 
 By tF Labor of their Consciences^ 
 
 Or letting out to hire^ their Ears^ 
 
 To Affidavit-Customers : 
 
 At inconsiderable values^ 
 
 To serve for Jury-men^ or Tales^ 
 
 Although retain d in tF hardest -.natters^ 
 
 Of Trustees^ and Administrators : 
 
 For thaty quoth he, let me alone^ 
 
 W^ have store of such., and all our ozvn ; 
 
 Bred up and tutor' d., by our Teachers., 
 
 The ablest of Conscience-stretchers. 
 
 That's well] Quoth he, But I should Cues. 
 
 By weighing of Advantages. 
 
 Tour surest way is first to Pitch 
 
 On Bongey, for a Water-witch : 
 
 And when y^ have hanged the Conjurer^ 
 
 1'' have time enough^ to deal with her. 
 
 In th'' Intrim ; Spare for no Trepans^ 
 
 To draw her Neck, into the Banes : 
 
 Ply her with Love-Letters, and Billets., 
 
 And Bait 'em well., for Quirks, and Quillets 
 
 With Trains t' inveigle and surprise. 
 
 Her Heedless Answers, and Reply's : 
 
 And if she miss the Moustrap-Lines, 
 
 They II serve for other By-Designs : 
 
 And make an A?-tist understand. 
 
 To Copy out her Seal, or Hand : 
 
 Or find void Places in the Paper, 
 
 To steal in something to Intrap her. 
 
 'Till with her worldly Goods, and Body, 
 
 Spight of heart, she has indow'd ye. 
 
 302
 
 THIRD PART, CANTO III 
 
 Retain all sorts of WitnesseSy 
 
 That ply itF Temples, under trees. 
 
 Or walk the Round, with Knights [o'/^'] Posts . 
 
 About the Cross-leg'd Knights, their hosts, 
 
 Or wait for Customers, between 
 
 The Piller-Rows in Lincolns-Inn. 
 
 Where Vouchers, Forgers, Common-bayl, 
 
 And Affidavit-men, ne'r fail 
 
 T^ expose to Sale, all sorts of Oaths, 
 
 According to their Ears, and Cloaths. 
 
 Their only Necessary Tools, 
 
 Besides the Gospel, and their Souls. 
 
 And when fare furnish' d with all Purveys 
 
 I shall be ready, at your service. 
 
 I would not give, quoth Hudibras, 
 
 A straw to understand a Case, 
 
 Without the admirabler skill 
 
 To Wind, and Manage it at Will : 
 
 To Fere, and Tack, and stear a Cause, 
 
 Against the Weather-gage of Laws ; 
 
 And Ring the Changes upon Cases, 
 
 As plain, as Noses upon Faces. 
 
 As you have well instructed me 
 
 For which you have earnd {here ^tis) your Fee, 
 
 I long to practice your advice. 
 
 And try the subtle Artifice : 
 
 To bait a Letter, as you bid. 
 
 As not long after, thus he did. 
 
 For having pump^l up all his Wit, 
 
 A\n'\d hum d upon it, thus he Writ. 
 
 303
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 An Her oka I Epistle of Hudibras to his Lady. 
 
 I Who was once as great as Casar^ 
 Am now reduc'd to Nehuchadnezar. 
 And from as fam'd a Conqueror, 
 As ever took degree in War, 
 Or did his Exercise in Battel^ 
 By you turn'd out to Grass with Cattel. 
 For since I am deny'd access 
 To all my Earthly Happiness. 
 Am fallen from the Paradise 
 Of your good Graces^ and fair Eyes. 
 Lost to the World, and you, I 'me sent 
 To Everlasting Banishment 
 Where all the Hopes I had, t' have won 
 Tour heart., being dash'd, will break my own. 
 Yet if you were not so severe 
 To pass your doom, before you hear. 
 You'll find, upon my just defence. 
 How much y' have wrong'd my Innocence, 
 That once I made a Foiu to you., 
 Which yet is unperform'd "'tis true ; 
 But not, because it is unpaid, 
 'Tis Violated., though delay d : 
 Or if it were, it is no fault 
 So hainous, as you'ld have it thought. 
 To undergo the loss of Ears, 
 Like vulgar Hackney Perjurers^ 
 For there's a difference in the case 
 Between the Noble., and the Base : 
 Who always are observ'd t' have don't. 
 Upon as different an account : 
 The one for great., and weighty Cause^ 
 To salve in Honour ugly Flaws. 
 For none are like to do it sooner. 
 Than those, who are nicest of their Honour. 
 The other, for base Gain., and Pay., 
 Forswear., and Perjure^ by the Day ; 
 
 304
 
 AN HEROICAL EPISTLE 
 
 And make th' exposing, and retailing 
 Their Souls, and Consciences, a Calling. 
 
 It is no Scandal^ nor Aspersion^ 
 
 Upon a Great and noble Person^ 
 
 To say, he Nat'rally abhorr'd 
 
 Th' old fashion'd trick, to keep his Word 
 
 Though 'tis perfidiousness, and shame, 
 
 In meaner Men, to do the same. 
 
 For to be able to Forget^ 
 
 Is found more useful, to the Great : 
 
 Then Gout^ or Deafness^ or had Eyes^ 
 
 To make 'em pass for wondrous wise. 
 
 But though the Law^ on Perjurers, 
 
 Inflicts the Forfeiture of Ears ; 
 
 It is not just^ that does exempt 
 
 The Guilty^ and punish the innocent^ 
 
 To make the Ears repair the wrong. 
 
 Committed by th' ungovern'd "Tongue ; 
 
 And when one Member is forsworn. 
 
 Another to be cropt or torn. 
 
 And if you should, as you design. 
 
 By course of Law recover mine. 
 
 You're like, if you consider right. 
 
 To Gain but little Honour by't. 
 
 For he that for his Ladies sake 
 
 Lays down his Life, or Limbs at Stake, 
 
 Does not so much deserve her Favour, 
 
 As he, that pawns his Soul to have her. 
 
 This y'have acknowledg'd I have done. 
 
 Although you now disdain to own : 
 
 But sentence, what you rather ought 
 
 T' esteem good Service, then a Fault, 
 
 Besides, Oaths are not bound to bear 
 
 That Literal Sense, the words infer. 
 
 But by the practice of the Age, 
 
 Are to be judg'd how far th' engage. 
 
 And where the sense by Custom's checkt. 
 
 Are found void, and of none effect. 
 
 For no Man takes, or keeps a vow. 
 
 305
 
 3o6 
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 But just as he sees others do, 
 
 Nor are th' obliged to be so brittle, 
 
 As not to yield, and bow a little, 
 
 For as best temper'd Blades are found 
 
 Before they break, to bend quite round, 
 
 So truest Oaths are still most tough. 
 
 And though they how^ are breaking proof. 
 
 Then wherefore should they not b'allow'd 
 
 In love a greater Latitude ? 
 
 For as the Law of Arms approves 
 
 All ways to Conquests, so should Loves; 
 
 And not be ty'd to true or false. 
 
 But make that justest, that prevails, 
 
 For how can that which is above 
 
 All Empire, High and Mighty Love^ 
 
 Submit it's great Prerogative, 
 
 To any other power alive ? 
 
 Shall Love, that to no Crown gives place 
 
 Become the svibjedt of a Case ? 
 
 The Fundamental Law of Nature^ 
 
 Be over-rul'd ! by those made after ? 
 
 Commit the censure of its Cause 
 
 To any, but it's own Great Laws f 
 
 Love, that's the Worlds preservative, 
 
 That keeps all Souls of things alive ? 
 
 Controuls the Mighty pow'r of Fate^ 
 
 And gives Mankind a longer date. 
 
 The Life of Nature, that restores, 
 
 As fast [as] Time^ and Death devours, 
 
 To whose free gift, the World does ow 
 
 Not only Earth but Heav'n too : 
 
 For Love's the only Trade that's driven 
 
 The Interest of State in Heaven., 
 
 Which nothing but the Soul of Man, 
 
 Is capable to entertain. 
 
 For what can Earth produce, but Love 
 
 To represent the "Joys above ? 
 
 Or who, but Lovers., can converse., 
 
 Like Angels., by the Eye Discourse?
 
 AN HEROICAL EPISTLE 
 
 Address^ and complement by vision^ 
 
 Make Love^ and Court by intuition ? 
 
 And burn in Amorous Flames as fierce, 
 
 As those Celestial Ministers ? 
 
 Then how can any thing offend 
 
 In order, to so great an end? 
 
 Or Heav'n it self a Sin resent, 
 
 That for its own supply was ment ? 
 
 That merits in a kind mistake, 
 
 A Pardon for the offences sake. 
 
 Or if it did not, but the Cause 
 
 Were left to'th injury of Laws^ 
 
 What tyranny can disapprove 
 
 There should be Equity in Love ? 
 
 For Laws, that are Inanimate 
 
 And feel no sense of Love, or Hate : 
 
 That have no Passion of their own 
 
 No[r] pity to be wrought upon, 
 
 Are only proper to inflict 
 
 Revenge, on Criminals, as stri6l : 
 
 But to have Power to forgive^ 
 
 Is Empire^ and Prerogative ; 
 
 And 'tis in Crowns^ a nobler fem^ 
 
 To grant a Pardon^ then condemn. 
 
 Then since so few do what they ought, 
 
 'Tis great, t'indulge a well meant fault. 
 
 For why should he, who made address 
 
 All humble ways, without success : 
 
 And met with nothing in return. 
 
 But Insolence, Affronts, and Scorn, 
 
 Not strive by Wit to countermine, 
 
 And bravely carry his Design ? 
 
 He who was us'd so unlike a Soldier, 
 
 Blown up with Philters of Love-Powder ? 
 
 And after letting Blood and Purging^ 
 
 Condemn'd to voluntary Scourging? 
 
 Alarm'd with many a horrid Fright, 
 
 And claw'd, by Goblins^ in the Night ? 
 
 Insulted on, Revil'd and Jear'd, 
 
 With rude Invasion of his Beard ? 
 
 U2 307
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And when your Sex was foully scandal'd, 
 
 As foully by the Rabble handled ? 
 
 Attack'd by despicable Foes, 
 
 And drub'd with mean and vulgar blows ; 
 
 And after all, to be debarr'd 
 
 So much as standing on his Guard ? 
 
 When Horses being spurrd and prtck'd^ 
 
 Have leave to kick^ for being kick'd ? 
 
 Or why should you, whose Mother Wits 
 
 Are furnish'd with all Perquisits ? 
 
 That with your Breeding Teeth begin, 
 
 And Nursing Babies^ that Lie in ? 
 
 B' allow'd to put all tricks upon 
 
 Our Cully-Sex^ and we use none ? 
 
 We, who have nothing but frail Vows, 
 
 Against your Stratagems t'oppose ? 
 
 Or Oaths, more feeble than your own, 
 
 By which, we are no less put down ? 
 
 You wound, like Parthians^ while you fly, 
 
 And kill, with a Retreating Eye ; 
 
 Retire the more, the more we press, 
 
 To draw us into Ambushes. 
 
 As Pyrates all false Colours wear, 
 
 T'intrap th'unwary Mariner : 
 
 So Women, to surprize us, spread 
 
 Their borrowed FlagSy of White and Red. 
 
 Display 'em thicker on their Cheeks, 
 
 Than their old Grandmothers, the Pi£ls : 
 
 And raise more Devils with their Looks, 
 
 Than Conjurers /ess subtil Books. 
 
 Lay Trains of Jtnorous Intriegues, 
 
 In TowrSy and Curls, and Perriwigs. 
 
 With greater Art, and cunning rear'd, 
 
 Than Philip Ny's Thanks-giving-beard, 
 
 Prepost'rously t'intice, and Gain, 
 
 Those to adore 'em they disdain : 
 
 And only draw 'em in, to clog 
 
 With idle Names, a Catalogue. 
 
 308
 
 AN HEROICAL EPISTLE 
 
 A Lover is, the more he's brave, 
 T'his Mistress, but the more a Slave, 
 And whatsoever she commands 
 Becomes a Favour from her hands ; 
 Which he's oblig'd to obey, and must, 
 Whether it be unjust, or just. 
 Then when he is compell'd by her 
 T'Adventures, he would else forbear, 
 Who, with his Honour, can withstand. 
 Since Force is greater than Command ? 
 And when Necessity's obey'd 
 Nothing can be unjust or bad : 
 And therefore, when the mighty Pow'rs 
 Of Love, your great AU'ie^ and yours \ 
 Joyn'd Forces, not to be withstood 
 By frail enamoured Flesh and Blood ; 
 All I have done unjust or ill 
 Was in obedience to your Will : 
 And all the blame that can be due 
 Falls to your cruelty and you. 
 
 Nor are those Scandals I confest. 
 
 Against my Will, and Interest, 
 
 More than is daily done of course 
 
 By all men, when th'are under force. 
 
 Whence some, upon the Rack, confess 
 
 What t\\ Hafig-tnan and their Prompters please. 
 
 But are no sooner out of pain 
 
 Then they deny it all again. 
 
 But when the Devil turns Confessor, 
 
 Truth is a Crime., he takes no pleasure 
 
 To hear, or pardon, like the Founder 
 
 Of Lyars., whom they all claim under. 
 
 And therefore, when I told him none, 
 
 I think it was the wiser done. 
 
 Nor am I without Precedent, 
 
 The first that on th'Adventure, went : 
 
 All Mankind ever did of course. 
 
 And daily does the same, or worse. 
 
 For what Romance can shew a Lover, 
 
 309
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 That had a Lady to recover^ 
 
 And did not steer a nearer Course, 
 
 To fall aboard in his Amours ? 
 
 And what at first was held a Crime, 
 
 Has turn'd to Honourable in time. 
 
 To what a height did Infant Rome^ 
 
 By Ravishing of Women come ? 
 
 When Men upon their Spouses siez'd. 
 
 And freely Marry'd where they pleas'd : 
 
 They ne'er Forswore themselves nor Z,jV, 
 
 Nor in the Minds they were in, Dfd: 
 
 Nor took the pains faddress and sue^ 
 
 Nor plaid the Masquerade to wooe. 
 
 Disdain'd to stay for Friends Consents, 
 
 Nor juggled about Settlements : 
 
 Did need no License^ nor no Priest^ 
 
 Nor Friends, nor Kindred to assist ; 
 
 Nor Lawyers, to joyn Land^ and Money^ 
 
 In tWHoIy State of Matrimony : 
 
 Before they setled Hands and Hearts, 
 
 Till Alimony y or Death departs : 
 
 Nor would endure to stay, until 
 
 Th'had got the very Bride^s Good Will. 
 
 But took a wise and shorter Course, 
 
 To win the Lady's, Down-right Force. 
 
 And justly made 'em Prisoners then. 
 
 As they have often since, us Men ; 
 
 With JSiing Plays, and Dancing Jiggs, 
 
 The luckiest of all Love's Intrigues : 
 
 And when they had them at their pleasure, 
 
 Then talk'd of Love, and Flames, at leisure. 
 
 For, after Matrimony''s over. 
 
 He that holds out but Haf a Lover, 
 
 Deserves for ev'ry Minute, more 
 
 Than half a Tear of Love before : 
 
 For which the Dames, in Contemplation 
 
 Of that best way of Application, 
 
 Prov'd Nobler Wives than e'er were known, 
 
 By Suit, or Treaty, to be won ; 
 
 310
 
 AN HEROICAL EPISTLE 
 
 And such as all Posterity 
 
 Could never equal, nor come nigh. 
 
 For Women first were made for Men, 
 
 Not Men for them. It follows then. 
 
 That Men have Right to every one, 
 
 And they no Freedom of their own : 
 
 And therefore Men have pow'r to chuse, 
 
 But they no Charter to refuse. 
 
 Hence 'tis apparent, that what Course 
 
 So e'er we take to your Amours^ 
 
 Though by the indireftest way, 
 
 'Tis no Injustice^ nor Foul Play. 
 
 And that you ought to take that Course, 
 
 As we take you, for Better or TVorse ; 
 
 And gratefully submit to those 
 
 Who you, before another, chose : 
 
 For why should every Savage Beast 
 
 Exceed his Great Lord's Interest ? 
 
 Have freer Pow'r, than he, in Grace^ 
 
 And Nature^ o'er the Creature has ? 
 
 Because the Laws he since has made 
 
 Have cut off all the Pow'r he had ; 
 
 Retrench'd the absolute Dominion, 
 
 That Nature gave him, over Women. 
 
 When all his Pow'r will not extend. 
 
 One Law of Nature to suspend : 
 
 And but to offer to repeal 
 
 The smallest Clause, is to rebel. 
 
 This, if Men rightly understood 
 
 Their Privilege, they would make good ; 
 
 And not, like Sots, permit their Wives 
 
 T'encroach on their Prerogatives. 
 
 For which Sin, they deserve to be 
 
 Kept, as they are, in Slavery. 
 
 And this, some precious Gifted Teachers 
 
 Unrev'rcntly reputed Leachers \ 
 
 And disobey'd in making Love, 
 
 Have vow'd to all the World, to prove 
 
 3"
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 And make ye suffer, as ye ought, 
 For that uncharitable Fault, 
 
 But, I forget my self, and rove 
 Beyond th'Instrucftions of my Love. 
 Forgive me {Fair) and only blame 
 Th'extravagancy of my Flame^ 
 Since 'tis too much, at once to shew 
 Excess of Love, and Temper too. 
 All I have said that's bad^ and true., 
 Was never meant to aim at you ; 
 Who have so Sov'rain a Controul 
 O'er that poor Slave of yours, my Soul: 
 That, rather than to forfeit you. 
 Has ventur'd loss of Heaven too. 
 Both with an equal Pow'r possest. 
 To render all that serve you blest : 
 But none like him, who's destin'd, either 
 To have., or lose you, both together. 
 And if you'l but this fault release, 
 (For so it must be, since you please,) 
 I'll pay down all that Vow, and more, 
 Which you commanded., and I swore. 
 And expiate upon my Skin, 
 The Arrears in full of all my Sin. 
 For, 'tis but just, that I should pay 
 Th'accruing Penance for Delay. 
 Which shall be done, until it move 
 Your equal pity, and your Love. 
 
 The Knight., perusing this Epistle., 
 
 Believ'd h'had brought her to his Whistle ; 
 
 And read it, like a jocund Lover, 
 
 With great Applause t'himself, twice over j 
 
 Subscrib'd his Name., but at a Fit, 
 
 And humble distance, to his wit: 
 
 And dated it with wondrous Art, 
 
 Giv^n from the bottom of his heart : 
 
 Then seal'd it with his Coat of Love 
 
 A smoaking Faggot and above 
 
 312
 
 AN HEROICAL EPISTLE 
 
 Upon a Scroll / hurn^ and weep^ 
 
 And near it For her Ladyship j 
 
 Of all her Sex, most excellent, 
 These to her gentle Hands present. 
 Then gave it to his Faithful Squire, 
 With Lessons how t'observe and eye her. 
 
 She first consider'd which was better, 
 
 To send it back, or burn the Letter: 
 
 But, guessing that it might import, 
 
 Though nothing else, at least, her Sport. 
 
 She open'd it, and read it out. 
 
 With many a smile, and learing Flout : 
 
 Resolv'd to answer it in kind. 
 
 And thus perform'd what she design'd. 
 
 313
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 THE 
 LADY'S ANSWER 
 
 TO THE 
 
 KNIGHT. 
 
 THat you'r a Beast^ and turn'd to Grass^ 
 Is no strange News, nor ever was ; 
 At least, to me, who once, you know. 
 Did from the Pound, Replevin you. 
 When both your Stvord^ and SpurSy were won 
 In Combat, by an Amazon ; 
 That Sword, that did (like Fate) determine 
 Th'Inevitable Death of Vermine : 
 And never dealt its furious blows, 
 But cut the Threds of Pigs and Cows; 
 By Trulla was, in single Fight^ 
 Disarm'd and wrested from its Knight. 
 Your Heels Degraded of your Spurs, 
 And in the Stocks, close Prisoners. 
 Where still th'had Layn in base Restraint, 
 If I, in pity of your Complaint, 
 Had not on Honourable Conditions, 
 Releast 'em from the worst of Prisons ; 
 And what Return that favour met. 
 You cannot (though you would) forget ; 
 When being free, you strove t'evade 
 The Oaths you had in Prison made : 
 Forswore your self, and first deny'd it ; 
 But after own'd, and justify'd it : 
 And when y'had falsely broke one Vow^ 
 Absolv'd your self by breaking two. 
 Yov while you sneakingly submit, 
 And beg for Pardon at our Feet : 
 
 3'4
 
 THE LADY'S ANSWER TO THE KNIGHT 
 
 Discourag'd by your guilty Fears, 
 To hope for Quarter, for your Ears. 
 And doubting 'twas in vain to sue, 
 You claim us boldly as your due. 
 Declare that Treachery and Force 
 To deal with us is th'only Course. 
 Who have no Title nor Pretence, 
 To Body^ Soul or Conscience : 
 But ought to fall to that Man's share, 
 That claims us for his proper Ware. 
 These are the Motives, which t'induce. 
 Or fright us into Love, you use, 
 A pretty new way of Gallanting^ 
 Between Soliciting and Ranting; 
 Like sturdy Beggars, that intreat 
 For Charity at once, and threat. 
 But since you undertake to prove 
 Your own Propriety in Love, 
 As if we were but Lawful Prize 
 In War^ between two Enemies ; 
 Or Forfeitures^ which ev'ry Lover 
 That would but sue for, might recover. 
 It is not hard to understand 
 The Myst'ry of this Bold Demand : 
 That cannot at our Persons aim. 
 But something capable of Claim. 
 
 'Tis not those poultry counterfeit 
 French Stones., which in our Eyes you set : 
 But our Right Diamonds., that inspire. 
 And set your Amorous Hearts on fire. 
 Nor can those false St. Martins Beads., 
 Which on our Lips you lay for Reds ; 
 And make us wear, like Indian Dames., 
 Add Fewel to your Scorching Flames. 
 But those true Rubies of the Rock, 
 Which, in our Cabinets we lock. 
 
 'Tis not those Orient Pearls, our Teeth, 
 That you are so transported with : 
 But those we wear about our Necks, 
 Produce those Amorous Effects.
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Nor is't those Threads of Gold, our Hair^ 
 The Perewigs you make us luear : 
 But those bright Guinneys in our Chests, 
 That light the Wild Fire in your Breasts. 
 These Love- tricks I've been vers'd in so, 
 That all their sly Intrigues I know. 
 And can unriddle, by their 'Tones, 
 Their Mystick Cabals^ and yargones. 
 Can tell w^hat Passions, by their Sounds, 
 Pine for the Beauties of my Grounds; 
 What Raptures fond, and Amorous 
 O'th' Charrns and Graces of my House. 
 What Exstacyy and Scorching Fla?ne 
 Burns for my Many, in my Name. 
 What from th'unnatural desire 
 To Beasts and Cattel, take[s] its fire. 
 What tender Sigh, and trickling Tear, 
 Longs for a thousand Pound a Tear, 
 And Languishing Transports are fond 
 Of Statute, Mortgage, Bill and Bond. 
 
 These are th'Attratts w^hich most Men fall 
 Inamour'd, at first sight, w^ithal. 
 To these th'address vv^ith Serenades, 
 And Court with Balls and Masquerades ; 
 And yet, for all the yearning Pain 
 Y'have sufFer'd for their Loves, in vain : 
 I fear they'l prove so nice and coy. 
 To have and fhold, and to enjoy ; 
 That all your Oaths, and Labour lost, 
 They'l ne'er turn Ladies of the Post. 
 This is not meant to disapprove 
 Your Judgment in your Choice of Love ; 
 Which is so wise, the greatest part 
 Of Mankind study't as an Art. 
 For Love should, like a Deodand, 
 Still fall to X.\i owner of the Land : 
 And where there's Substance, for its Ground 
 Cannot but be more firm, and sound. 
 Than that which has the slighter Basis 
 Of Airy Vertue, Wit and Graces : 
 
 316
 
 THE LADY'S ANSWER TO THE KNIGHT 
 
 Which is of such thin Subtilty, 
 It steals and creeps in at the Eye. 
 And, as it can't endure to stay, 
 Steals out again as nice a way. 
 
 But Love, that its Extraction owns 
 From solid Gold^ and precious Stones ; 
 Must, like its shining Parents prove 
 As Solid^ and as Glorious Love. 
 Hence 'tis, you have no way t'express 
 Our Charms and Graces^ but by these : 
 For, what are Lips., and Eyes., and Teeth., 
 Which Beauty invades, a[n]d conquers with ? 
 But Rubies., Pearls and Diamonds ; 
 With which a Philter Love commands ? 
 
 This is the way all Parents prove, 
 In imagining their Children's Love ; 
 That force 'em t^ inter-marry and wed., 
 As if th'were Bur'ing of the Dead. 
 Cast Earth to Earth., as in the Grave., 
 To joyn in Wedlock all they have. 
 And when the Settlement's in force. 
 Take all the rest, For Better., or Worse ; 
 For Money has a Power above 
 The Stars and Fate., to manage Love: 
 Whose Arrows, Learned Poets hold, 
 That never miss, are tipp'd with Gold. 
 And though some say, the Parents claims 
 To make Love in their Children's Names. 
 Who, many times, at once, provide 
 The Nurse., the Husband., and the Bride. 
 Feel Darts and Charms., Attracts and Flames \ 
 And woo., and contrail., in their Names. 
 And as they Christen^ use to marry 'em. 
 And, like their Gossips^ answer for 'em : 
 Is not to give in Matrimony ; 
 B\uy sell and prostitute for Mony. 
 'Tis better than their own Betrothing ; 
 Who often do't for worse than nothing. 
 And when th'are at their own Dispose, 
 With greater disadvantage chuse.
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 All this is right ! But for the Course 
 
 You take to do't, by Fraud, or Force : 
 
 'Tis so ridiculous, as soon 
 
 As told, 'tis never to be done. 
 
 No more than Setters can betray^ 
 
 That tell what Tricks they are to play. 
 
 Marriage^ at best, is but a Vow ; 
 
 Which all Men either break^ or bow : 
 
 Then what will those forbear to do, 
 
 Who perjure^ when they do but woo f 
 
 Such as, beforehand, swear and lye^ 
 
 For Earnest to their Treachery: 
 
 And, rather than a Crime confess, 
 
 With greater, strive to make it less. 
 
 Like Thieves, who, after Sentence past, 
 
 Maintain their Innocence to the last. 
 
 And when their Crimes were made appear 
 
 As plain as Witnesses can swear. 
 
 Yet, when the Wretches come to dye, 
 
 Will take upon their Deaths a Lye. 
 
 Nor are the Vertues, you confest 
 
 T'yoiJ'' Ghostly Father^ as you guest. 
 
 So slight, as to be justifi'd. 
 
 By being, as shamefully, deny'd. 
 
 As if you thought your Word would pass 
 
 Point-blank, on both sides, of a Case, 
 
 Or Credit were not to be lost, 
 
 B'a Brave Knight Errant of the Post. 
 
 That eats^ perfidiously, his Word., 
 
 And swears his Ears through a two Inch Board : 
 
 Can own the same thing, and disown ; 
 
 And perjure Booty, Pro and Con. 
 
 Can make the Gospel serve his turn. 
 
 And help him out to be forsworn ; 
 
 When 'tis laid hands upon., and kiss'd^ 
 
 To he betrayed., and sold., like Christ. 
 
 These are the Vertues, in whose Name, 
 A Right to all the World you claim : 
 And boldly challenge a Dominion, 
 In Grace and Nature, o'er all Women. 
 
 318
 
 THE LADY'S ANSWER TO THE KNIGHT 
 
 Of whom, no less will satisfie, 
 Than all the Sex, your Tyranny. 
 Although you'll find it a hard Province, 
 With all your crafty Frauds and Covins, 
 To govern such a numerous Crew, 
 Who, one by one, now govern you : 
 For if you all were Solomons^ 
 And IVise and Great as he was once, 
 You'll find Th'are able to subdue, 
 {As they did him) and baffle you. 
 
 And if you are impos'd upon, 
 'Tis by your own Temptation done : 
 That with your Ignorance invite. 
 And teach us how to use the slight. 
 For, when we find y'are still more taken 
 IVith false Attra£is of our own making ; 
 Swear that's a Kose^ and that a Stone^ 
 Like Sots to us that laid it on : 
 And what we did but slightly prime, 
 Most ignorantly daub in Rhime : 
 You force us in our own Defences, 
 To copy Beams and Infuences ; 
 To lay PerfeSfions on the Graces^ 
 And draw Attracts upon our Faces : 
 And, in compliance to your Wit, 
 Your own false Jewels counterfeit. 
 For, by the pra6lice of those Arts, 
 We gain a greater share of Hearts : 
 And those deserve in reason most, 
 That greatest pains and study cost ; 
 For, great Perfections are like Heav'n, 
 Too rich a Present to be given. 
 Nor are those Master-strokes of Beauty 
 To be perform'd without hard Duty. 
 Which, when th'are nobly done, and well, 
 The simple Natural excel. 
 
 How fair and sweet the Planted Rose^ 
 Beyond the IVild in Hedges grows ? 
 For, without Art, the Noblest Seeds 
 Of Flow'rs degenerate to Weeds :
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 How dull and rugged e'er 'tis Ground, 
 
 And Polish'd, looks a Diamond ? 
 
 Though Paradise was e'er so fair, 
 
 It was not kept so without Care. 
 
 The whole World, without Art and Dress^ 
 
 Would be but one great IFilderness. 
 
 And Mankind but a Savage Heard, 
 
 For all that Nature has conferr'd. 
 
 This does but Rough-hew^ and Design^ 
 
 Leave Art to Polish^ and Refine. 
 
 Though Women first were made for Me 
 Yet Men were made for them agen : 
 For when (out-witted by his PFife\ 
 Man first turn'd Tenant., but, for Life^ 
 If Women had not interven'd. 
 How soon had Mankind had an end ? 
 And that it is in Being yet. 
 To us alone, you are in Debt. 
 Then where's your liberty of Choice, 
 And our unnatural No-voice ? 
 Since all the Privilege you boast., 
 And falsly usurp''d., or vainly lost., 
 Is now our Right ; to whose Creation., 
 You owe your Happy Restoration. 
 And if we had not weighty Cause 
 To not appear in making Laws, 
 We could, in spight of all your Tricks., 
 And Shallow., Formal Politicks ; 
 Force you, our Managements t'obey. 
 As we to yours (in shew) give way. 
 Hence 'tis, that while you vainly strive 
 F'advance your high Prerogative., 
 You basely, after all your Braves, 
 Submit, and own your selves our Slaves. 
 And 'cause we do not make it known. 
 Nor publickly our Int'rests own ; 
 Like Sots, suppose we have no shares 
 In ordWing you., and your Affairs: 
 When all your Empire and Command 
 You have from us at Second Hand. 
 
 320
 
 THE LADY'S ANSWER TO THE KNIGHT 
 
 As if a Pilots that appears 
 To sit still only, while he steers : 
 And does not make a noise and stir, 
 Like every common Marine?- : 
 Knew nothing of the Card^ nor Star ; 
 And did not guide the Man of War. 
 Nor we, because we don't appear 
 In Councils., do not govern there. 
 While like the Mighty Prater yohn., 
 Whose Person none dares look upon ; 
 But is preserv'd in Close Disguise 
 From being made cheap to vulgar Eyes. 
 W'enjoy as large a Pow'r unseen. 
 To govern him^ as he does Men : 
 And, in the Right of our Pope Joan^ 
 Make EnipWors at our feet fall down. 
 Or yoan the Pucel's braver Name, 
 Our Right to Jrms and Conduit claim. 
 Who, though a Spinster^ yet was able. 
 To serve France for a Grand Constable. 
 
 We make and execute all Laws ; 
 Can Judge the Judges^ and the Cause. 
 Prescribe all Rules of Right or Wrongs 
 To tWLong Robe^ and the Longer Tongue : 
 'Gainst which the World has no Defence., 
 But our more powerful Eloquence. 
 We manage things of greatest weight 
 In all the World's Affairs of State. 
 Are Ministers of War and Peace, 
 That sway all Nations how they please. 
 We rule all Churches^ and their Flocks^ 
 Hereticaly and Orthodox. 
 And are the Heavenly Vehicles 
 O'th' Spirit., in all Conventicles. 
 By us is all Commerce and Trade 
 Improved., and Managd., and Decay d. 
 For, nothing can go off so well, 
 Nor bears that Price, as xvhnt zue sell. 
 We rule in ev'ry Pub lick Meetings 
 And make Men do what we judge fitting. 
 
 X 32r
 
 HUDIBRAS 
 
 Are Magistrates in all great Towns ; 
 Where Men do nothing, but wear Gowns. 
 We make the Man of War strike Sail^ 
 And to our braver Condudi vail. 
 And, when h'has chac'd his Enemies, 
 Submit to us upon his Knees. 
 Is there an Officer of State^ 
 Untimely raised-, or Magistrate^ 
 That's Haughty., and ImperiousF 
 He's but a fourny-man to us. 
 That, as he gives us cause to do't, 
 Can keep him in., or turn him out. 
 
 We are your Guardians^ that increase., 
 Or Waste your Fortunes, how^ vi^e please. 
 And, as you humour us, can deal 
 In all your Matters, /// or well. 
 
 'Tis we that can dispose alone. 
 Whether your Heirs shall be your otun. 
 To whose Integrity you must. 
 In spight of all your Caution, trust. 
 And 'less you fy he\ond the Seas., 
 Can fit you with what Heirs we please : 
 And force you t'own 'em, though begotten 
 By French Valets., or Irish Foot-men. 
 Nor can the rigorousest Course 
 Prevail, unless to make us worse. 
 Who, still the harsher we are us'd, 
 Are further off from being reduc'd : 
 And scorn t'abate, for any Ills, 
 The least Pun^ilio of our JVills. 
 Force does but whet our Wits to apply 
 Arts, born with us, for Remedy : 
 Which all your Politicks, as yet. 
 Have ne'er been able to defeat. 
 For, when y'have try'd all sorts of ways.. 
 What Fools d^we make of you in Plays ? 
 While all the Favours we afford 
 Are but to girt you with the Sword., 
 To fight our Battels in our steads., 
 And have your Brains beat out o''your Heads : 
 
 322
 
 THE LADY'S ANSWER TO THE KNIGHT 
 
 Encounter in despight of Nature ; 
 
 And fight at once with Fire and Water^ 
 
 With Pyrates^ Rocks, and Storms, and Seas, 
 
 Our Pride and Vanity f appease. 
 
 Kill one another, and cut Throats, 
 
 For our good Graces, and best Thoughts \ 
 
 To do your Exercise for Honour, 
 
 And have your Brains beat out the sooner ; 
 
 Or crack'd, as Learnedly, upon 
 
 Things that are never to be known : 
 
 And still appear the more industrious. 
 
 The more your ProjeSfs are prepostrous. 
 
 To square the Circle of the Arts ; 
 
 And run stark mad to shew your Parts. 
 
 Expound the Oracle of Laws, 
 
 And turn them which way we see Cause. 
 
 Be our Solicitors, and Agents, 
 
 And stand for us in all Engagements. 
 
 And these are all the Mighty Powers, 
 
 You vainly boast, to cry down ours. 
 
 And what in real Value's wanting, 
 
 Supply with Vapouring and Ranting : 
 
 Because your selves are terrify'd, 
 
 And stoop to one another's Pride : 
 
 Believe we have as little Wit 
 
 To be Out-hettor'' d, and Submit : 
 
 By your Example, lose that Right 
 
 In Treaties, which we gain'd in Fight: 
 
 And terrify'd into an Awe, 
 
 Pass on our selves a Salick Law, 
 
 Or, as some Nations use, give place, 
 
 And truckle to your Mighty Race. 
 
 Let Men usurp th'unjust Dominion, 
 
 As if they were the better Women. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
 X 2 
 
 323
 
 READINGS OF THE FIRST AUTHORISED 
 EDITION. 
 
 p. 3, 1. II. civil Dudgeon first. 1. 24. rode Colonelling. 
 
 p. 4, 1. 3. never bow'd his. 
 
 I. 23. For't has been held by many, that 
 
 As Mountaigne, etc. 
 
 II. 27-8. Not in 1st Edn. 
 
 p. 5, 11. 9-10. And truly so he was perhaps, 
 
 Not as a Proselyte^ but for Claps. 
 
 11. 35-6. Not in 1st Edn. 
 
 1. 37. But when he pleas'd to shew't, his speech 
 In loftiness, etc. 
 
 p. 6, 11. 23-6. Not in 1st Edn. 11. 37-8. iVo/ in 1st Edn. 
 
 p. 7, 11. 13-4. Not in 1st Edn. 
 
 I. 15. He'd tell where Entity and Qjiiddity, 
 
 II. 23-6. A second Thomas., or, at once 
 
 To name them all, another Dunce. 
 For he a Rope of sand could twist, 
 As tough as learned Sorbonist; 
 p. 8, 11. 3-4. Not in 1st Edn. 
 p. 9, 11. 4-5. Not in 1st Edn. 
 p. 10, 1. 8. was monastick, and. 
 p. II, 11. 33-8. Not in 1st Edn. 
 p. 12, 11. 1-2. Not in 1st Edn. 
 p. 13, 1. 6. Of Warrants, Exigents. 
 
 11. 30-1. The 1st Edn. adds bet^Mcen these lines: 
 These would inveigle Rats with th' sent, 
 To forrage when the Cocks were bent. 
 And sometimes catch 'em with a snap 
 As cleverly as th' ablest trap, 
 p. 14, 1. 12. hold on tail.
 
 READINGS OF THE 
 
 p. 15, 1. 15. more stately tone. 1. 38. it Gifts, and. 
 
 p. 18. 1. 31. thimble or a. 
 
 p. 19, 1. 2i?<- which anon we mean to. 1. 39. talking to Familiar. 
 
 p. 20, 1. 4. thus we do accost. 
 
 p. 22, 1. 34. our own selves, without cause. 
 
 p. 23, 1. 9. Nor for free Liberty of Conscience. 
 
 1. 18. made internecine war. 
 p. 24, 1. 6. to me. 
 
 after 1. 34 add (Ti/ssis pro crepitii, an Art 
 
 Under a Cough to slur a Fart) 
 
 p. 25, 11. 16-7. Thou wilt at best but suc/i a Bull, 
 
 Or shear Snvine, All Cry, and no Ifooll. 
 1. 25. Compr'hend them inclusife both. 
 
 I. 27. As likely pass. 
 
 p. 26, 1. 4. Ware slurr'd and. 1. 20. need not copy. 
 
 p. 27, 1. 3. as yerst the. 
 
 p. 28, 11. 2-5 of the Argument. 
 
 Of th^ Enemy s best men of War \ 
 
 To nvhom the Knight does make a speech, 
 
 And they defie him: after ivhich 
 
 He fights with Talgol, routs the Bear, 
 
 p. 30, 11. 14-5. Who now began to draw in field, 
 
 As Knight from ridge of Steed beheld. 
 
 I. 19. From off his. 1. 20. Yet not. 
 
 II. 22-3. Wherefore he bids the Squire ride further, 
 
 T' observe their numbers, and their order. 
 
 II. 30-1. Courage and Steel, both of great force, 
 
 Prepar'd for better or for worse. 
 
 1. 2>S- To free Sword. 
 
 1. 37. From rusty Durance he bayFd Tuck. 
 Arms sate loose. 
 
 Ralpho rode on with no less speed, 
 
 Then Hugo in the Forrest did ; 
 
 But with a great deal more return'd. 
 
 For now the Foe he had discerned, 
 the Knot of Noose. 
 Next follow'd Or sin. 
 . He knew when to fall on pell-mell, 
 
 To fall back and retreat as well. 
 
 are th' undoubted President. 
 
 Wounds nine miles. 1. 25. the Breech that. 
 
 
 1. 
 
 39- 
 
 '• 3i> 
 
 11. 
 1. 
 
 4-7- 
 21. 
 
 '• 32, 
 
 1. 
 
 12. 
 
 
 11. 
 
 24-5 
 
 '• ZZ^ 
 
 1. 
 
 17- 
 
 >• 34> 
 
 1. 
 
 13- 
 
 326
 
 FIRST AUTHORISED EDITION 
 
 p. 35, 11. 25-7. Did stew their meat between their Bums 
 
 And th' Horses backs o're which they straddle, 
 And every man eat up his Saddle, 
 p. 36, 1. 13. many Fatherless, 
 p. 38, 11. 16-9. Not in lit Edn. 
 
 p. 40, 1. 8. had a harder. 1. 36. several Countries round, 
 
 p. 42, 1. 4. by either House. 1. 27. Cry'd out. 
 
 p. 43, 1. 19. Calves or Steers. 
 p. 44, 11. 36-9. For to transcribe a Church invisible, 
 
 As we have sworn to doe, it is a bull. 
 p. 45, 11. 1-4. For when we swore to do it after 
 The best-reformed Churches that are. 
 Is lam'd and tir'd in halting hither. 
 Keep it self in lodging. 1. 26. all the Pride. 
 
 Turn Death of Nature to thy work, 
 he should ne're. 
 
 Stand stiff as 'twere transform'd to stock. 
 Truncheon smote at Knight. 
 9. But he with Petronel up-heav'd, 
 Instead of shield, the blow receiv'd. 
 his rugged Sword. 
 With stomack huge he laid about. 
 -7. But now fierce Colon 'gan draw on, 
 To aid the distrest Champion. 
 A dismal Combat 'twixt them two. 
 Metal, th' other Wood. 
 . Not in 1st Edn. 1. 5. imderneath the Tail. 
 
 Of Steed, with pricks as sharp as nail. 
 And feel regret on Fundament. 1. 11. from Thistle. 
 That gall'd him sorely under his tail, 
 the Knight's Steed such a. 
 
 As made him reel. 1. 22. catching foe by. 
 
 him thrice his. 
 
 He strove t' escape pursuit of Knight. 
 Urine, cast in sownd. 1. 6. And listing it. 
 
 up, to fall on Knight. 1. 11. and skin upon, 
 
 beheld pernicion. 
 
 Approaching Knight from fell Musician. 
 The Skin encounter'd. 
 blow on side and arm. 
 Knight entraunc'd fro harm. 
 
 3^7 
 
 p- 
 
 46, 1. 
 
 14. 
 
 p- 
 
 47, 1- 
 
 13- 
 
 32- 
 
 p- 
 
 48, 1. 
 
 20. 
 
 27. 
 
 
 
 28- 
 
 38. 
 39- 
 
 p- 
 
 49, 11 
 
 . 26- 
 
 29. 
 
 30. 
 
 p- 
 
 50, 11. 
 
 3-4. 
 
 6. 
 
 8. 
 
 12. 
 
 16. 
 
 17- 
 
 24. 
 
 p- 
 
 51, 1- 
 
 28. 
 
 p- 
 
 52, 1. 
 
 3- 
 '• 
 18. 
 19. 
 
 • 27- 
 , 30. 
 
 31-
 
 READINGS OF THE 
 
 p- 
 
 52, 
 
 1. 36. 
 
 Squire right. 1. 37. setting conquering foot. 
 
 p- 
 
 55, 
 
 1. 2. 
 
 A Nothingness in. 
 
 p- 
 
 57, 
 
 1. 8. 
 
 Leaning on shoulder. 
 
 
 
 1. 22. 
 
 Chain, or Bolt, or Grate. 
 
 p- 
 
 59, 
 
 1. 21. 
 
 as suer as. 
 
 p- 
 
 60, 
 
 1. I. 
 
 Thinking h' had. 1. 21. heart of grace, and 
 
 
 
 I. 23. 
 
 For by this time, the routed Bear. 
 
 p- 
 
 61, 
 
 1. 35- 
 
 and slav'd it. 
 
 p- 
 
 63, 
 
 1. 4. 
 
 Until the Mastives. 
 
 p- 
 
 65, 
 
 1. 17. 
 
 with his bones. 
 
 p- 
 
 66, 
 
 1. 9. 
 
 O' th' Rascals, but loss of my Bear. 
 
 
 
 1. 29. 
 
 of the old. 
 
 p- 
 
 67, 
 
 11. 27- 
 
 -8. As now he did, and aiming right, 
 An Arrow he let fiie at Ktiigbt. 
 
 p- 
 
 68, 
 
 1. 34. 
 
 bore, until the. 
 
 p- 
 
 69, 
 
 1. 14. 
 
 Quoth he. 
 
 p- 
 
 70, 
 
 1. 39- 
 
 Which they thought best to sally at. 
 
 p- 
 
 71, 
 
 1. 27 
 
 by turns those. 
 
 p- 
 
 72, 
 
 1. 40. 
 
 his whiniard, and. 
 
 p- 
 
 73, 
 
 11. 22- 
 
 -4. As Ralpho might ; but he with care. 
 
 
 
 1. 25. 
 
 his hurt forbare. 
 
 
 
 1. 28. 
 
 For he with Certhn b'ing engag'd. 
 
 
 
 1. 29. 
 
 encounter, they both. 
 
 
 
 1. 30. 
 
 The fight so well, 'twas hard to say. 
 
 
 
 1. 35. 
 
 When the disaster. 
 
 
 
 1. 37- 
 
 Their fell intent, and forc'd them part. 
 
 p- 
 
 74, 
 
 1. 19. 
 
 Of Hudibras. 
 
 p- 
 
 75, 
 
 11. 7- 
 
 %. Not in ist Edn. 1. 10. his bonny Steed. 
 
 
 
 11. 15 
 
 -6. As a man may say, with might and main 
 He hasted to get up again. 
 
 
 
 1. 24. 
 
 Whom Or sin. 
 
 p- 
 
 79, 
 
 1. 20. 
 
 Which in all feats. 
 
 p- 
 
 80, 
 
 1. 23. 
 
 more wore thy. 
 
 p- 
 
 81, 
 
 11. 22 
 
 -31. 
 
 p- 
 p- 
 
 328 
 
 Shall I have quarter now ? you Ruffin ; 
 
 Or wilt thou be worse then thy huffing ? 
 
 Thou saidst th' woud'st kill me, marry would'st thou : 
 
 Why dost thou not, thou Jack-a~Noils thou ? 
 
 83, 1. 30. make that quarter. 
 
 84, 1. 34. 'gainst the Foil.
 
 p- 85, 
 
 1. I. 
 
 p. 86, 
 
 1. 15. 
 
 
 I. 19- 
 
 p. 87, 
 
 1. 6. 
 
 p. 88, ] 
 
 1. 15. 
 
 p. 89, 1 
 
 1. 19. 
 
 p. 91, 1 
 
 1. I. 
 
 P- 105, 
 
 11. I- 
 
 FIRST AUTHORISED EDITION 
 
 that built the. 1. 14. them in Hockly i th' hole. 
 
 for time to. 
 
 that is in Battel slain. 1. 38. not draw. 
 
 That Cuckow's tone, 
 this later Age. 1. 31. mulcts on Sin. 
 
 make their spiritual. 
 And Bishop-secular. 
 11. 1-2 of the Argument. 
 
 The Knight., by Damnable Magician, 
 Being cast illegally in Prison:, 
 \. 5 of the Argument, he revi's the. 
 11. 2-5 of Canto I. Let bloody Steel a while be sheathed 
 
 And unto Lo-ve turn we our style, 
 11. 6-7. The 1st Edn. adds between these tU)o lines: 
 By this time tyr'd with th' hon-id sounds 
 Of blows, and cutts, and bloud. and wounds: 
 1. 10. That a mans fancy should 
 p. 106, 1. 19. We whilom left. 
 
 1. 2)5 • The Errata in the ist Edn. states that your should be read 
 here, but the correJiion avas not made later. 
 p. 107, 1. 24. This twatling Gossip. 
 
 11. 38-9. That is, to see him deliver'd safe 
 
 Of's wooden burthen, and Squire Raph ; 
 p. 108, 1. 21. their dreadfulst shapes, 
 p. 109, 1. 9. Discoursing thus upon his Beard. 
 
 1. 31. such elenftique case. . 
 p. Ill, 11. 28-9. To his good Grace, for some offence, 
 Forfeit before, and pardond since: 
 
 I. 23- the Princely blows. 
 p. 114, 1. 20. Transform'd his. 
 
 p. 117, 1. 8. Knight Errant. 
 
 p. 118, 1. 9. or douce in. The Errata in the 1st Edn. states that 
 
 dive should be read here. It was altered later to 
 
 plunge. 
 
 II. 20-5. N'ot in 1st Edn. 
 
 p. 120, 1. 21. No more, then on the thing they lean. 
 1. 40. Not in 1st Edn. 
 
 1. II. all the Provender. 
 
 p- 
 
 121, 
 
 11. 1-3. Not in 1st Edn. 
 
 p- 
 
 122, 
 
 1. 2. your gentler Fate. 
 
 p- 
 
 123, 
 
 1. 4. y' were sold. 
 
 p- 
 
 124, 
 
 1. 8. never shall be.
 
 p- 
 
 124, 
 
 1. 10. 
 
 p- 
 
 126. 
 
 11. 18- 
 
 p- 
 
 127, 
 
 1. 35. 
 
 p- 
 
 128, 
 
 1. 7- 
 
 READINGS OF THE 
 
 The Errata in the \st Edn. states that Nature should be 
 read here, but the correSIion ivas not made later. 
 
 -9. I here engage my self to loose yee, 
 And free your heels fi-om Caperdeavsie. 
 with Legislative blows. 
 The Errata in the isi Edn. states that Squirer should be 
 read here, but it ivas not altered later. 
 
 11. 16-9. And in the Lanthorn of the Night 
 
 With shining Horns, hung out her light: 
 
 p. 130, 1. 18. to rub his. 1, 37. He scratch'd it first, and. 
 
 p. 131, 1. 6. a tittle, may. 
 P- 134, 1- 33- But meer. 
 
 p. 137, 1. 29. The Errata in the Jst Edn. states that just should be 
 read here, but it ivas not altered later. 
 
 p. 138, 1. 3S- folly blab it. 
 
 p. 141, 1. 7. The Errata in the 1st Edn, states that firk should be read 
 here, but it ivas not altered later. 
 
 p. 142, 1. 32. Capoch'd your. 
 
 p. 143, 11. 6-7. Not in 1st Edn. 
 
 p. 144, 1. 10. They might discern respective noyse. 
 
 1. 34. blew as strong. 11. 36-7 Not in 1st Edn. 
 
 I. 38. Next, Pan, and. 
 p. 145, 1. 5. With snuffling, 
 p. 146, 1. 12. he that made. 
 
 II. 13-5. Or Ross, or Calius Rodogine, 
 p. 148, 1. 38. Women, that were 
 
 p. 149, 1. 22. or left what undone. 1. 30. Falne to. 
 
 p. 151, 1. II. Retreat, to avoyd Pursuit. 
 
 11. 22-7. Not in 1st Edn. 
 p. 152, 1. 3. of the Argument. To Sidrophel. 
 
 1. 27. as Lanuyers in. 
 P- 1 53' 1- 9- ^ViW after Wisards. 
 p. 155, 1. 22. And Chicken languish, 
 p. 156, 1. 4. A Ledger to. 
 p. 158, 1. 8. and Bob Grosted. 
 p. 160, 1. 25. Of those, 
 p. 161, 1. 9. not vent, find. 
 
 p. 163, 1. 20. be the Cannon-Ball. 1. 40. makes he there, 
 
 p. 166, 1. 15. and knew. 1. 16. you spake, your, 
 
 p. 170, 1. 9. there not myriads.
 
 FIRST AUTHORISED EDITION 
 
 p. 171, 1 
 
 9- 
 
 alas, is it to. 
 
 p. 174, 1 
 
 • ^7- 
 
 ^;i. About the Suns and Earths approach; 
 
 And swore, that he, that dar'd to broach 
 Such paultry Fopperies abroad, 
 
 1. 
 
 38. 
 
 He knew no more then th' Pope of Rome. 
 
 p- 175, 1 
 
 . 5-7 
 
 . Some say. The Stars ith' Zodiack, 
 
 Are more then a whole Signe gone back, 
 Since Ptolomy ; and prove the same, 
 
 1 
 
 8. 
 
 now, then in. 
 
 p. 181, 1 
 
 a6. 
 
 rev'rend Persons to. 
 
 p- 197, I 
 
 16. 
 
 Strings t' his Boiv. 
 
 p. 198, 1 
 
 35. 
 
 us'd as only Antick. 
 
 p. 203, 1 
 
 ■ 25- 
 
 and Seals. 
 
 p. 207, 1 
 
 . 2. 
 
 their Prices Three. 
 
 p. 214, 1 
 
 • 9- 
 
 "'tis ere so. \. 30. the Goose they. 
 
 p. 240, 1 
 
 . I. 
 
 That were. 1. 30. the Huon-cry. 
 
 p. 246, 1 
 
 • 37. 
 
 of th' Excise. 
 
 p. 247, 1 
 
 . 22. 
 
 That is to. 
 
 p. 252, 1 
 
 • 24. 
 
 IVho, taking. ^- iS- As 'twas. 
 
 p- 255. 
 
 • 7- 
 
 Dependence upon. 
 
 p- 259, 
 
 . 13. 
 
 'twas ours and. 
 
 p. 262, 1 
 
 . 21. 
 
 out-loiter. 
 
 p. 265, ] 
 
 . 10. 
 
 of his Soul. 
 
 p. 272, 
 
 ■ T7. 
 
 less ingenuous in. 1. 26. as Out of fashio 
 
 p. 278, 
 
 1. 10. 
 
 and Broil us. 
 
 p. 28s, 
 
 . 19. 
 
 she convoy'd him. 
 
 p. 296, 
 
 . 8. 
 
 in Law. 1. 17. Reduce her to. 
 
 p. 300, 
 
 1. 26. 
 
 into a horrid. 
 
 p- 301, 
 
 1. 16. 
 
 business of Mens. 1. 20. a Pen in. 
 
 p. 302, 
 
 1. 20. 
 
 of all Conscience. 
 
 
 1. 22. 
 
 weighing all Advantages. 
 
 
 1. 40. 
 
 of her heart. 
 
 p- 313, 
 
 1. 5. 
 
 his Faithless Squire. 
 
 P- 3i9> 
 
 1. 6. 
 
 now governs you. 1. 15. still most taken. 
 
 
 1. 23. 
 
 on and Graces. 
 
 p. 320, 
 
 1. 9. 
 
 That does. 
 
 P- 321, 
 
 1. 29 
 
 iMinisters in War. 
 
 
 1. 30 
 
 how we please. 
 
 P- 323. 
 
 1. 17. 
 
 To be our. 
 
 IZ^
 
 ERRATA. 
 
 The following misprints in the texts printed from have 
 been noted : 
 
 p. 3, 1. 17. swear ybr sweaa The correSHon is noted in some copies 
 of the 1678 Edn. 1. 18. knew ^or know. j41so 
 
 corrected in some 1678 copies. 
 p. 6, 1. 13. vent ybr vent. 
 p. 8, 1. 4. Below for Bolow it. for it 
 
 p. II, 1. 4. Shoulders /or Soulders 1. 15. With /or Whith 
 
 1. 18. meat, for meat, 
 p. 14, 1. 15. further for fruther 
 
 p. 16, 1. 13. cost /or costs 1. 17. Needle /or Neele 1. 29. in 
 (/7J in \st Edn.) for and 1. 40. rehearse /or 
 
 reherse Cor reeled in some 1678 copies. 
 
 p. 18, 1. 2. descry'd for descr'yd 
 
 p. 19, 1. 13. makes /or make 
 
 p. 21, 1. 5. Isthmian /or Istmian 1. 28. other /or others 
 
 p. 22, 1. 2. Authority, for Authority. 
 
 p. 24, 1. 7. Antichristian for Antichristiam 1. 17. Provincial, 
 
 for Provincial 
 p. 25, 1. 28. less, for less. 
 
 p. 32, 1. 18. Lists he led (<3J in ist Edn.) for Lists led 
 p. 33, 1. 28. which so oft (as in ist Edn.) for which has so oft 
 1. 32. ever {as in ist Edn.) for never 
 
 P- 34) '• 5- Lampoons, for Lampoons) 1. 8. From him his 
 
 (as in 1st Edn.) for From his 1. 13. solder, 
 
 for solder 1. 21. Piss, for Piss. 
 
 p. 35. 1. 7. Target for Tarket 1. 8. langued for languid 
 
 1. 13. with. /or with, 1. 15. Muscovite /or 
 
 Mascovite 1. ^5. is. for is 
 
 p. 36, 1. 3. blood : /or blood 1. 6. he for he, 1. 13. made. 
 for made
 
 ERRATA 
 
 p- 
 
 37. 1 
 
 . 8. 
 
 p- 
 
 38, 1 
 
 • 13. 
 
 p- 
 
 40, 1 
 
 • 32- 
 
 p- 
 
 41, 1 
 
 . 36. 
 
 p- 
 
 42, 
 
 . 14. 
 
 p- 
 
 45' 
 
 . 29. 
 
 p- 
 
 46, 1 
 
 . 2. 
 
 p- 
 
 47, 1 
 
 . 12. 
 
 p- 
 
 49> 1 
 
 . 10. 
 
 p- 
 
 52, 1 
 
 . 2. 
 
 p- 
 
 S3, 1 
 
 . 20. 
 
 p- 
 
 57' 1 
 
 • 35- 
 
 p- 
 
 58, 1 
 
 ■ 19- 
 
 p- 
 
 59, 1 
 
 • 4. 
 
 p- 
 
 61, 1 
 
 . 18. 
 
 p- 
 
 62, 1 
 
 . 12. 
 
 p- 
 
 63, 1 
 
 • 35- 
 
 p- 
 
 64, 1 
 
 . 12. 
 
 p- 
 
 65, 
 
 • 5- 
 
 p- 
 
 68, 1 
 
 • 37. 
 
 p- 
 
 69, 1 
 
 • 27. 
 
 p- 
 
 73, 1 
 
 . 36. 
 
 p- 
 
 74, ' 
 
 . 38- 
 
 p- 
 
 77, 
 
 . I. 
 
 p- 
 
 79, 
 
 . 6. 
 
 p- 
 
 80, 1 
 
 . 19. 
 
 p- 
 
 82, 1 
 
 ■ 30. 
 
 p- 
 
 83, 1 
 
 • 17- 
 
 p- 
 
 85, 
 
 . 38. 
 
 p- 
 
 86, 
 
 . I. 
 
 p- 
 
 87, 1 
 
 . 8. 
 
 p- 
 
 89, 
 
 1. 20 
 
 p- 
 
 92, 
 
 1. 28 
 
 p- 
 
 93. 
 
 . 38. 
 
 p- 
 
 97, 
 
 • 5. 
 
 p- 
 
 99- 
 
 . 18 
 
 women for woman 
 I'll for i'll 
 O 'thy /or O'th thy 
 20. times he smote (as in 
 
 attempt for artempt 
 
 ruin ? for ruin, 
 part ? for parts 
 
 32- 
 38. 
 
 Arms for Ams 
 
 to for too 
 
 head for head. 
 
 out, for out. 
 
 settle /or settle, 1. 18. 
 
 chief for chief, 1. 39. 
 
 word, ybr word; 1. 12. 
 
 Skull for Sknll 
 
 jjt Edn.) for times smote 
 
 engag'd, /or engag'd. 
 fall, ybr fall 1. 12. Detriment /or Detriment. 
 
 fly /or fly. 1. 32. Viftory. The /or Viftory, the 
 
 there for their 
 
 Delinquent for Deliquent 
 the for she 
 
 he for be 
 
 trip for tript 1-25 
 
 wanting for wonting 
 
 foes, for foes 1. 30. 
 
 guep. for guep, 1. 33, 
 
 budget, for budget, 
 me for me. 
 
 disdain for disdain. 
 
 Conquerer? for Conquerer 
 
 And for And' 
 
 but if they {as in 1st Edn.) for but they 
 foes, for foes, 
 lurch. /or lurch? 1. ^^. thee /or the 
 
 she for he 
 
 Whether /or Whither 
 
 yerst for perst 
 finger for finger, 
 ancients for ancient 
 
 thou for thon 1. 12. call) for call. 1. 32. 
 
 Bearward, for Bearward. 
 , Handkerchief /or Handerchief 
 
 o'erthrown. for o'erthrown, 
 
 agen. for agen, 
 Aristotle for Aristotle, 
 
 Vickars. /or Vickars 1. 19. Authority /or 
 
 Authothority 
 
 333
 
 ERRATA 
 
 p- 
 
 lOI, 1 
 
 . I. 
 
 p- 
 
 io6, 1 
 
 • 35- 
 
 p- 
 
 107, 1 
 
 . 27. 
 
 p- 
 
 108, 1 
 
 . 31- 
 
 p- 
 
 no, 1 
 
 . 21. 
 
 p- 
 
 III, 1 
 
 • 17- 
 
 p- 
 
 113, 1 
 
 . 22. 
 
 p- 
 
 114, 1 
 
 • 5- 
 
 p- 
 
 115. 1 
 
 . 18. 
 
 p- 
 
 117, 1 
 
 • 37- 
 
 p- 
 
 122, 
 
 . 32. 
 
 p- 
 
 123, 1 
 
 . 16. 
 
 p- 
 
 124, 1 
 
 . 6. 
 
 p- 
 
 125, 1 
 
 . 10. 
 
 p- 
 
 128, 
 
 . 12. 
 
 p- 
 
 131, 
 
 . 16. 
 
 p- 
 
 135, 
 
 . 23- 
 
 p- 
 
 136, 
 
 . 2. 
 
 p- 
 
 137, 
 
 . 2. 
 
 p- 
 
 141, 
 
 • 33. 
 
 p- 
 
 143. 
 
 1. 30. 
 
 p- 
 
 144. 
 
 1. 29. 
 
 p- 
 
 145' 
 
 ■ 17. 
 
 p- 
 
 146, 
 
 . 29. 
 
 p- 
 
 i47> 
 
 1. 20. 
 
 p- 
 
 149, 
 
 1. 38. 
 
 p- 
 
 150, 
 
 1. 36. 
 
 p- 
 
 155, 
 
 1. 18. 
 
 p- 
 
 157, 
 
 1. 28. 
 
 p- 
 
 158, 
 
 1. 22. 
 
 p- 
 
 159, 
 
 1. 36. 
 
 p- 
 
 162, 
 
 1. 40. 
 
 p- 
 
 163, 
 
 1. 2. 
 
 p- 
 
 164, 
 
 1. 6. 
 
 p- 
 
 16S, 
 
 1. 24. 
 
 p 
 
 166, 
 
 1. 22. 
 
 dispence : for dispence, 
 flesh for fiesh 1. 39. 
 
 1. 27. wear ybr were 
 
 warrant Jbr wrrrant 
 18. Sphere, for Sphere. 
 
 Dame /or Dame. 1. 12. Commons ybr Commous 
 
 Her for He 
 
 Offer Af 
 
 Delinquent for Deliquent 
 
 maim, for maim. 
 
 Fists, for Fists. 1. 29. 
 
 breath, for breath, 
 fault, for fault, 1. 17. 
 
 to for too 
 
 Lovers for Lover's 
 
 own. for own, 
 
 Proprietors for Propeietors 
 
 Virility's for Virilities 
 lose, for lose. 
 
 else for else. 1. 13. 
 
 Light, for Light. 1. 
 
 be a Sin for be a be Sin 
 
 vary, for vary 
 
 Hudibras for Hudibrrs 
 Conscience for Conseience 
 
 r th' publick for V th' the publick 
 
 if for of I. 40. thought /or though 
 
 descry, for descry. 1. 36. heads for heads. 
 
 1. 37. Suedes, for Suedes 
 
 spurs, for spurs. 
 
 Petticoat for Peteicoat 
 
 Nor for not 
 
 At that an for At that at an 
 
 'Twas for Twas 
 
 chews'd ; for chews'd 1. 31. Saints /or Saints, 
 
 hand, for hand, 
 
 would (aj in ist Edn.) for would not 
 
 Cickle, for Cickle 
 
 Paradise, for Paradise, 
 lays /or lay 1. 33. right, /or right. 
 
 Or for Of 1. 32. Hudibras. /or Hudibras, 
 
 him suitable {as in 1st Edn.) for him a suitable 
 
 Quoth for Quoth, 1. 23. And for three {as in 
 
 1st Edn.) for And three 1. 32. Your Eyes 
 
 out for You Eyes ont 
 
 334
 
 ERRATA 
 
 p. 169, 1. 23. but a mean (as in ut Edn.) for but mean 
 
 p. 170, 1. 7. day, for day. 
 
 p. 171, 1. 26. way ybr away 
 
 p. 172, 1. 40. know, for know, 
 
 p. 173, 1. 15. therefore /or threfore 
 
 p. 174, 1. 20. hold ybr old {correBed in some 1678 copies') 
 
 p. 175, 1. 24. 'Twill for Twill 
 
 p. 176, 1. 2. Husbands, /or Husbands 1. 21. but the twinkling 
 
 (aj in 1st Edn.) for but twinkling 1. 24. 
 
 Officer /or Offieer 
 
 p. 177, 1. 29. 't t' your/or 't 't to your 1. ^t,. Pocket,/or Pocket 
 
 p. 178, 1. 18. such /or which (^altered in some 1678 copies) 
 
 p. 179, 1. 9. Hudibras /or Hudibaas 1. 29. said in haste, in haste 
 he {as in 1st Edn.) for said, in haste he 
 
 p. 180, 1. 29. wonted for wanted 
 
 p. 183, 1. 10. Scull, for Scull. 
 
 p. 184, 1. 4. croud, for croud. 
 
 p. 185, 1. 25. wise, for wise. 
 
 p. 188, 1. 23. American for Amercian 
 
 p. 190, 1. 4. oi for (of 
 
 p. 191, 1. 9. appear for appaar 1. 29. Sedgwyck for Sedwyck 
 1. 30. Magician for Magician. 
 
 p. 192, 1. 23. Mario for Maria 1. 26. Peloponneso for 
 
 Peloponesso 
 
 p. 193, 1. II. Demonstrationibus docuerunt for Demonstationibus 
 docueruut 1. 12. propiorem /or propriorem 
 
 1. 15. magnum for magnnm 
 
 p. 207, 1. 17. searching for seaching 
 
 p. 212, 1. II. For /or Por 
 
 p. 251, 1. 12. ne'er /or near 
 
 p. 286, 1. 5. and for aad 
 
 p. 292, 1. 8. i'th' for i'th, 
 
 p. 294, 1. 23. woo ; for woo. 
 
 p. 295, 1. 39. Piques for Pipues 
 
 p. 298, 1. 18. Doftius /or Dockius 
 
 p. 300, 1. 28. Men /or Men, 
 
 p. 301, 1. 16. business /or business, 
 
 p. 302, 1. 30. Bait for Bait, 
 
 1. 31. For for Eor 
 
 335
 
 ERRATA 
 
 303, 
 305^ 
 306, 
 
 307, 
 316, 
 
 317. 
 
 319' 
 320, 
 
 3. o'th' for ot'h 
 
 1 7. Ears for Ears, 
 14. above for above, 
 
 18. Nor /or Not 
 16. takes for take 
 
 12. and for aud 
 8. once, for once. 
 
 13. Wife), for Wife) 
 
 1. 30. And for Aud 
 
 1. 29. as Time for and Time 
 
 1. 36. But /or Bnt 
 
 1. 14. Life, for Life. 
 
 CAMBRIDGE: PRINTED BY JOHN CLAY, M.A. AT THE UNIVERSITY PRESS.
 
 p'- 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 Santa Barbara 
 
 THIS BOOK IS DUE ON THE LAST DATE 
 STAMPED BELOW. 
 
 50ni 9,'6t)(G6338s8)9182
 
 3 1205 03058 7222 
 
 I^C SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY