NC 1478 D62^ DIOGENES (LONDON) LIGHT FROM THE LANTERN OF DIOGENES ■Hi THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES Now readi/^ jJi'ice '2o6.. or Gs. GJ. each, the first Four Volumes oj DIOGENES. CONTiClNIXG MANY HUNDREDS OF HIGHLY GRAPHIC ILLUSTRATIONS ,■; AND. FORMING A -COMIC HISTORY OF THE YEARS 1853 and 1854. ' -^=^ ■''■'' / . X OPINIOM^ QjTlHt PRESS. ' Siriningkam Mercttryi — " We \wre' among .those who thought, that this rival of Punch woukl never be as pungent, or as popular as him of ; the dog and baton ; but ' time works wonders' in this as in otber matters. The Cynic qf the lantera and Ulb \i in a fair way to excel his merry friend in every departn>eiit." Blackburn Staiidard'.^^" The illiistratidns are- decidedly first-rate, the wit is racy and original, the satire keen, and' bestowed where it is most richly deserved, the poetry far above mediocrity, the jokes are anything but 'dry ' ones, the' sketches of character faith- ful as Dumeireotypia, and the dramatic fragments fraught with mirth-inspiring humour." Bristol Mercury. — '"DiOGKNKS continues to support a creditable literar\' reputation by the spirit with whicli it addresses itself to the passing topics of the day, and the engrav- ings are many of them so admirable, both iu'^oint of design and execution, that they could scarcely be surpassed." Canibridge Clironick. — " In truth, this same Diogenes is a sharp fellow, abounding ia wit, and growing in one's favour the more one sees of hiin." Derby 3Iercury. — "The Cynic Philosopher continues in the field, and makes his way to a high place in popular favour. Smart telling hits by pen and graver are dealt out fear- lessly, in reprobation of ' humbug,' wherever that is found." Dover Chronicle. — " The cracks and jokes are many of them spirited, and convej' a good moral. We heartily wish it success." Glasgow Examiner. — " There is no denying that this work displays much literary and artistic ability " Hereford Journal. — "Wit and woodcuts fill the pages, ahd command our laughter and approbation." Norfolk Chronicle.~-^" The illustrations are remarkably good, both in design and execu- tion, and the text is cleverly written, and full of trenchant satire, principally directed against political and .social abuses." Nottingham Journal. — " Truly may it be said that Diogenes makes us laugh, whilst he whips the conventional or personal follies of the day. The illustrations are remarkably good, both in design and execution. Diogeni-s ought to be adopted as a humorous and satirical advocate of popular progress and political integrity." Oxford Chronicle. — "Diogknes, with his lantern, appears to be spying out many things, the descriptions given of which are piquant, and the woodcut illustrations graphically clever, in some instances irresistibly striking and funny." Pembrokeshire Herald. — " The matter, illustrations, Sec, are all of a high cla.ss, the illus- trations particularly. Its domestic and political satires are first-rate." Plymouth Journal. — " We were amongst the first to recognise the talent displayed in DioQENKS, and a longer acquaintance has confirmed the high opinion we then formed. ' It is particularly good, both as regards matter and illustrations. AVhile our laughter is fre- quently provoked bj' the humour and satire with which this descendant of the old philo- sopher of the tub exposes the follies of mankind, we are as often led to sigh at the dark spots in our social system which are laid bare by the light of his lantern. Diogenes is engaged in a noble work, and that being our opinion, it only remains for us to say that we hi-artily wish him every success" Som&set Gazette. — "Diogenes improves wonderfully. His blows at English slavery are worthy of being used to illustrate Hood's ' Song of the Shirt.' " Stockport Advertiser. — "One feature we especially admire — the existence of no party predilection, and a desire to'do justice to all. This characteristic will please Englishmen, who have an inherent love of fair play." Waterford News. — " Diogenes, with hi« lamp in hand, professes to drag down the giant abuses from their high places, to bring help to the helpless, and remembrance to the for- gotten. Such sentiments do the old Philosopher credit, and so long as he perseveres in such resolves, he will not onh' merit but command public attention and support." Western Courier. — "Its merits are so great that they cannot fail to be popularly recog- nised for an}' lengthened period. Long and bright may the old Cynic's candle continue to burn, and its rays reach to all i)arts of the civilised world." Wolverhampton Herald. — "The letter-press is admirable, and the illustrations are racj' and piquant beyond description. Everybody should buy Diogenes." ■UiOTSJiO^: EDWARD SHEt-TON, 69, FLEET STREET; ; AJJD ALL, booksellers.. i PRICE TWOPENCE, WEEKLY. LIGHT FROM THE LANTERN [^.^nc^fi^fO / LONDON: PUBLISHED BY EDWARD SHELTON, 69, FLEET STREET. LONDON PKINIED BY TATLOH AND GUEENING, GKATSIOKE PLACE, FETIEK LANE. /4n PSEFA ^p EALLY we feel quite unfit to write a Preface, ^\./'-fQ) being fully convinced ' ^ that nobody will read it. The attractions (^'V-^ within the book are so great, that not one out of the hundred thou- sand people who will buy it will care to read what is said at tho beginning. We have been de- bating with ourselves for some twenty-four hours whether we should put the Preface at the beginning, in the middle, or at the end of the book. We wanted to thrust it upon the attention of the reader by some ingenious stratagem — because we have something to say which Everybody would profit by, if Everybody knew it. But we give it up as a hopeless case. Had we seen our way clear, we should have said that the Illustrations collected in this Volume have appeared previously in the pages of P-l-l^no£i PREFACE. Diogenes, at the modest price of Two-pence weekly. But as not more than fifty thousand persons have the sagacity to take that periodical in as it appears, it would be great cruelty to the remaining 29,950,000 inhabitants of these kingdoms, to deprive them of the pleasures aflForded by the wit of Diogenes. We therefore resolved to admit them to participation of these delights upon the payment of One Shilling. As, however, nobody will read such an explanation, it's no use making it. Diogenes Office, 69, Fleet Street, London, Api-il 1st, 1855. Master Charles. — " Moi-e Pudding, please Pa ! " Pa. — " More Puddiag ! Why, I ought to be made of Pudding." Master Charles's irst mental emotion. — "Oh, crikey ! dont I just wish you were. A PROMINENT FEATURE. " Oh, lawks. Tommy ? ain't he got a stunning bunch o' flowers ? " Tommy. — " Rather ! and ain't he got a wopping nose to smell 'em, too I s o -^ o 'o < 2 ►J CO O S ^1 THE CABMAN'S CREED. 1. The cab is your own, and those who use it at their option shovdd be made to pay at yours. 2. As a whole day may be lost upon the stand without a fare, when you get one you should make a determined stand for high pay. 3. As whatever you charge miist be considered " fare," never have any scruple about making unfair charges. 4. Upon the principle that if you " give an inch " people " will take an ell," so if you " give a mile, they will want two." You have, therefore, a right to charge upon the same principle. 5. Slow horses are better than fast ones, because they make the distance appear longer. 6. Du-ty cabs are better than clean ones; because if people think you are well off they vnll fleece you accordingly. 7. As men generally deal with cab-drivers harshly, it is perfectly justi- fiable to impose upon their wives when you catch them alone. 8. Always double the fare, to prevent people coming the double over you. 9. Never conti-act for a fare if you can help it, for that will contract your takings very much. 10. As yo\ir horse is always sober and knows his business, you have a perfect right to get di'unk if you like. 11. Smoking in your cab, while on the stand, is not at all objectionable. People who get into the cab, and don't like the odour, are perfectly at liberty to get out again upon paying their fare. 12. If you take up a short fare you can easily make it a long one, by going a round-about Avay. 13. When you think you have got a knowing customei-, always leave the pay to his " honour as a gentleman." You can, if need be, insist upon yoiu* full fare, and by this stratagem you may get something more. 14. The chances of being summoned and fined are as 200 to 1 ; and by acting upon these rules you will be a gainer in the same proportion. 15. As any acts of peculiar civility are calculated to injure the interests of cab-drivers in general, you are requested to report any cases that may come under your notice. Members convicted of civility will be imme- diately expelled from the Society. HINTS TO OMNIBUS PASSENGERS. SUGGESTED FOR PUBLIC CONVENIENCE. Never hesitate to hail the wrong 'bus, as you cauuot be expected to read the large letters on the sides, and the time of other people is nothing to you. When you get iutu the 'bus, tell the conductor the place whereat you wish to be put down ; and, having done so, never care to look out for yourself when you reach the spot. If you go beyond it, you may then legally withhold the fare. On entering a 'bus, if you carry a stick or an umbrella, be particular to swing it about with the point upwards. Taking care of other people's eyes is no bxisiuess of yours ; and the stick will clear the way for you a most surprising manner. If the umbrella is wet, put the point of it into anybody's shoe ; you will thus prove that you are a person of precise method, having " a place for everything, and everything in its place." If you take the seat next to the door, thrust your legs directly across it. "NVhether the other passengers can get in or out easily, is, of course, no afiFau' of yours, and you will probably prevent the 'bus from be- coming uncomfortably full. AVhen you take j'our seat, sit sideways, and occupy as much room as possible. Everybody has a right to get as much as he can for his money. Xever move to give a new passenger accommodation. You have shifted for yourself — let the new comer do the same. You will thus prove that you think yourself quite as good as anybody else. Never get your money ready before stopping the 'bus. If the money is worth having it is woi-th waiting for, and you teach public servants sub- mission by such treatment. Always stand on the step to receive yom* change. If the 'bus moves on while you are in this position, you will be set do^v•n ^vithout effort to yourself. Consider the conductor a public menial, to be pitched into and abused ad libitum. The point of an umbrella, or the knob of a walking-stick, will be found highly useful in calling his attention to your requirements. The libs and the knuckles will be found the most vulnerable parts of his plebeian frame. CONSOLATORY. Old Lady. — " Good gkactous, Boy, thls looks vert dasgerous I Boy. — ^^''It aue, Maeji ! T'other toiT THte i>o^"ktey pIell dowx, and the Lady THAT WAR A RIDI^■' ON 'iM AVAS CHUCK'D OVER AND KILLED ! ' Old LMly. — " Meucy on me ! and was the Donkey killed too ? " Boy. — "No, Marm; that are the werry hidentical Donkey you're on NOW, Marm," S5 CO o t— ( (3 H O o >-< -^ mm __i^&^^t <1 1^ u <- THE MOUSTACHE MOVEMENT. Young Gent. ( returned from a short trip to the Continent ). — " JIother, dearest Mother ! Mother. — "Mercy upon us, Charles! Is that you?" A.Nf INCIDENT DURING THE LATE STRIKE. Striking case of Parental Apfection in the itouu op need ! CRO(T)CHET FOR THE LADIES. NECESSITY THE MOTHER OF INVENTIOK PORTEATT OF THE GENTLEMAN WHO CAUSED THE IXTROBUCTION OF ANTI-jrACASSARS. WHERE WILL IT STOP? Si Eh o o ,-A O o c4 o Enthusiastic Dagucyreotijj;jist. — " Beautiful ! beautiful ! Keep up exactly that EXPRESSION, AND WE SHALL OBTAIN A CHARMING PICTURE ! " A HANDSOME UGLY, OR AN UGLY HANSOM THE FIKST >STUDY OF A MECHANICAL GENIUS. A 111 ., .-<^>. THE HAPPY PAIR. MR. AND MRS. HIPPOPOTAMUS. l—i POTICHOMANIE. Mamma. — "Why, goodxess gracious, Akabella, what ox earth are you MAKING THAT MESS FOR?" Arabella. — "Mess, Mamma! Why, it's all the Fashion; it's Potichcmanie Mamma (agreeahly surprised). — '"' Oh I I ee I ' Our Own Cokrespondent, as he actually appeared at Constantinople, on the day WHEN he was supposed TO HAVE BEEN AT THE BaTTLE OF InKEEMANN. A BITTER DISAPPOINTMENT. " CoNi'ouND II ! Just too late ! Another minute and I should have caught itJ " OFFENDED DIGNITY. Gentleman.— " Yov'n^ a smart young fellow to be trusted in that SITUATION ALREADY ! " Boy (indignantly).— "T)o^^T you see the notice— not to speak to thk MAN AT THE WHEEL?" 5 !^ 3 ** P^ n w « ■ « w •J w H I— I w ■^s ^ 3 -k. ;^ 1 ■4 n a » CO E< U) r) cT o o 65 » t> u iO <1 is i£ 'm !> 25 dJ .«?> s "« ■>« s a^ Co l*) « ^g c5 i:5 p-i Pi w H Pi Pi 1^ k5 o l—H w Eh « O O M O H it/ w- o H O <1 U! P5 — Oh S5 5 ^ O _. o w a R ^ H O s PQ oq A "LARGE" CUSTOMER. " Comb, young Day and Martin ! Give us a good penn'obth ! ' « I* b 9 o S o O K 1. 3g S H SB o « a .1 I S 7^, 6 2 S a a S 3 "2 a ? '/I -i 73 i "ALL RIGHT!!!' C5 S pa o >^ o Vr. o o P4 o o PROGEESS OF THE MOUSTACHE MANIA. " Here you lave the genuine article riconimended by the Faculty for perwenling Conaumshin, Hydrophohy, Cholera Morbis, BronUtis, Happyplcxy, and all other Maladies ivotsuniever — the real Moostaches-more nateral than Natur' — only a penny apair—percively as ivorn by the Nobility and Gentry !" EFFECT OF THE WAR. Married Lady. — " Well, dear ! no prospect of Matrimony yet, eh ?" Single Dido (empliaticaUy). — " No, indeed ! and not likely, when this horrid war takes off the Flower of Male Society ! " "WASTEFUL AND RIDICULOUS EXCESS." The majority of hotel-keepers are in the habit of announcing that warm-baths attached to their establishments can be had at a moment's notice. We cannot help considering this information quite superfluous, as every visitor during his stay at any hotel mvist necessarily be kept in a complete and perpetual stats of hot water by reason of the impending bill. A SPIRIT PERPLEXED. Medium. — "All i^ now ready — what question do you wish to put?'' Widou: — " Why, Ma'am, I must explain that I gave to my dear departed one (he was many years younger than raj-self ) £200 to pay off a claim ; and now he 's gone they've had the audacity to ajjply again for the money ! Pray^ therefore, ask my dear Augustus u-hat he did zviih the receipt 1" cc o o Am o Pi / m 1 f^^/hi|*j)¥^ ■>? a -o o o T1 1) a ^ :5 <" - fa A STRIKING APPEAL. " ^<&w, Gentlemen of the Jury, I thvow myself upon your impartial judgment, as husbiilkds and fathers, and I confidently ash, Does the prisoner looh like a man who wouM^nm^ ^hwn and trample upon the wife of his bosom ?■ Gentlemen — I have done /" A GOOD CATCH. The report of a recent cricket match states that the " Gentlemen of England " won by forty-nine runs. A fair acquaintance of ours, God bless her I says that the Gentle- men of England are always winning. , ;'|l^i^i '^' -^ 4i^b?'?^ o P o O W H O PARLIAMENTARY INTELLIGENCE. BiJ the electric telegraph, which (s to be laid down biiween the Carlton, and the Reform Club, and the Hoiiset 0/ Parliament. Sir FiTZROT Kelly asked the House Steward why one of the claws of a lobster, which had been ordered to lie on the table, had been omitted. Lord Adolphus Vane moved for the return of a pocket-handkerchief, highly pei'fumed with Eau de Cologne, which he had left on his seat on the iirevious evening. Mr. Brothekton complained to the Master of the Rolls that those with which he had been supplied of late were too highly baked. Lord DuNDONALD having dined ^vith a number of gentlemen, and explained his method of destroying the euemj', moved that a bill of the expenses be brought in immediately. Colonel SiBTHORP, at the tei'minatiuu of a long and warm debate, moved for a glass of brandy -and-water. Mr. Williams, having called for a cab, would object to any further proceeding until he had been made acquainted with the fare. Admu-al Sir Charles Napier, having ordered a dinner, which was not puuetually prepared, took his seat, and the usxial oaths. WAXING WRATH. The Innkeepers declare thej' will certainly be ruined if they can no longer charge their customers for wax lights ; or, at all events, it must lead to a composition in the pound ! PENNY WISE AND POUND FOOLISH. Whatever may be the utility and convenience of the penny receipt stamp, it is certain that its introduction opens a wide field for extortion, as the Act strictly enjoins a tradesman never to settle an account v;ithout sticl-ing it on ! The wind doesn't behave well in winter ; but in spring and summer it " turns over a new leaf" We frequently see advertisements connected with the Millineiy and Dressmaking business headed, " Wanted an Improver." The public ci-y, in relation to the slaveiy of that trade, is, " Wanted an improvement." Signs of a near Approach of Influenza.— Mr. Suns Reeves is advertised to sing at Exeter Hall, on Friday next. Turkey may or may not be partially successful against Russia ; but England and France are determined that she shall be conqueror " on the main." SANITARY REFORM FOR LADIES. Deeply imbued as we are with admiration for the Board of Health, aud their noble exertions during recent visitations, we cannot help regretting that so able a body should confine itself to waging war against the gi-eater scourges only by which human life and health are endangered. If the Commissioners would look about them in society, they would see a hundred little influences at work — not quite so dangerous as bone-works, or intramural burial grounds, but still which require looking after. Much is said about the crowding of lodging-houses ; have the Commissioners reflected upon tlie crowded state of full rooms ? Is the indignation ■\dsited upon damp cellars consistent with the universal toleration of thin shoes ? Is it just to compel the Newcastle workpeople to live out in tents, and offer no obstruction to flirting in staircases in thorough draughts ? Shall ventilation prevail, and tight-lacing remain untouched ? It will be seen that the evils alluded to chiefly affect the ladies. In the absence of Government assistance, Diogenes has resolved — Paladin as he is — unaided and alone, to take up the matter himself. He has organized an extensive scheme of Sanitary Reform for Ladies. As there is no way of appealing to their tender natures so effective as through the gentle voice of poetry, he has decided upon making a series of stirring songs the means to his glorious end. If, by his melodious pleadings, he should succeed in bringing a tinge of colour to one pallid cheek — adding so much as an inch to the circumference of one distorted waist — or release one tiny foot from its more than Chinese thraldom — he will not have written in vain ! Having worked himself up to the proper pitch of excitement, he will commence the series with — I.— T HE LOW-NECKD DRESS. (Am — ^' The Low-back 'd Car.') AVh^n first I saw Miss Clara, A AVe.st-end Ball 'twas at, A low-neck'd di-ess she wore, and near The open door she sat ; But when that door was thrhing oak, — Exposed to tempests keen And biting air So much, 'twas ne'er As the blooming gii-l I mean, — As she sat in her Low-neck'd Dress, Becoming, I must confess ; For of all the men i-ound Not one could be found But look'd after the Low-neck'd Dress. The Polka's tumult over. The fondest of mammas Her daughter calls, and hints at shawls ; But scornful " Hmns " and " Ha's " From Clara (artful goddess !) The kind jiroposal meet — Quite faint she feeb — She fairl.v I'eels — She never could bear the heat ! So she sits in her Low-neck'd Dress ; But the heat would have troubled her less, For long weeks will have roU'd Ere she's rid of the cold That she caught from the Low-neck'd Dress. I'd rather see tliose shoulders 'Neath do.vny cloak of fur. Or pilot coat, and round that throat A ploughman's comforter ; For I'd know that tender bosom Was safe from climate's ill, And the heart so sweet ■\Vould nmch longer ))eat Than I now feel sui"c it will While she clings to her Low-neck'd Dress. I've proposed, and she answered " Yes." Next week it's to be. But make sure I shall see That it's not in a Low-neck'd Dress I VILLIKINS AND HIS DIN'ER! FKIGUTtTL CON.-^iXJUKXCK OF WEAKIXG ARTIFKIAL OATS IX A LADY'S B'^VXET. "I hates a Policeman's life, Sally. The.'e aiiit no glory iu it ! I shall be off to the Roosian war ! " Sally. — "What; ani leave me?" " I must, my dear, — I heai's my country's voice a calliu' me ! " Sally. — "What, aud you'd yive up all the cold meat ?" " Ah I there you touches my feeliu's. No ! second thoughts is best !" A PIECE OF ASSURANCE. Miserable IiidivichiaL — "I believe your Policies are not void by Suicide?' Alarmed Accountant. — " N-o-o-o-o ! " Miserable Individual — " Then assure me for the heaviest amount possible ! A NEW BATHING MACHINE. I, ■';! M DEDICATED TO THE "HEADS" OF FAMILIES. .->^f^- ,--^~ci^-: First Ocnt to Second cUfto.~^':Ku^y you sta^u back; I kxow tkax I suall succeed. BKKiHToX. BOAT THIS MOKXl-XG, MUM? BEAUTIFUL MORM.NG FOK A QUIET KOW AL05G THE SHORE. LIGHTNING. Romantic Younr/ LaJy. — "On, is ir not magxificext to behold the tumult ov Nature WHEN THE MIGHTY ELEMENTS ARE AT WAR ?" Augustus Frederick (with a iretahlinr/ acquiescence). — " It-t-t-t-t-t 'tis M-M-M-MAG — " (here a peal of thunder drowns his voice and his senses.) n-n-D-DEAR, VERY THE THREE SYSTEMS OF MEDICINE. ALLOPATHY HYDKOPATHV. A TENANT-AT-WILL. LamUcuhj. — "Mr. Rr.inJ, without jou iuuiieJiatcly settle youi- rent, I slial! be cjrapclled to '. " jl/>-. U. — 'Mrs. ■\Viggiiis, if you pester me with so little reference to my personal comfoi-t, I'll bring an action against you for assault — I'll issue a commissio de Imxitko iiiqtiirendo, upon whicli I'll certify for a scire facias, or a nolle jnvsequi; and I'll send you into a priwa facie certiorari, and sign a judgment of ^is Claris ambulator, and make you pay yoiu- own costs 1 " Landlailu. — "Oh! oh dear. Sir! if that's the ease, I'll gladly w-w- wait I " PHRENOLOGY, /''^v;'liiii||:!i|p^|j;j^ .A^^^'Oto c>. .•J^/.N ^lf^-/> ' AM PL L ATOMS Fcn€ra6?e Snthuaiast. — " You recognize this Bust, of course ? " Indifferent Disciple. — "Oh! wht — yes — of course; that's GREENACRE." Venerable Enthusiast ( much shocked). — "Where can tour powers of observation BE .! Why, IT'S ME/" MUCH SHORTER, Doctor Charles Wilson has written a volume of some hundieds of jiages, to explain the Pa^A-ology of Drunkenness. We could define it in two syllables — Zigzag ' A QUESTIONABLE COMPLIMENT. (7c„/. — "I don't think the Tup's thorough bued ! '" Fancier. — " I ax ter Honour's pardon, but YOU ought to know a Puppy AS WELL AS ANYBODY !" JUGG'D HAIR A PAIR OP KID GLOVES AS THEY APPEAR AFTER THE OWNER HAS CONSULTED A BILL OF THE PLAY. O 'm 1-1 ^ CO O" I— I •-5 pq illi> /,.!;i:;i;l!ll WANT YER CIinrLEY SWEPT, OLD FELLER?' Wonderfid effect of the "Alliance Balm" for leautifying the Face and Complexion, as testified by the Press generall;/, and the Illustrated Papers in particular. DIOGENES' EXCELSIOR! ^HE carriages were filling fasst, When o'er a railway platform pass'd A youth who bore, with tread precise, A paper with this bold device, Diogenes ! His arm a parcel held beneath ; He drew a number from its sheath, And shouted with well-practised lung Accents that through the station rung, Diogenes ! In hapi^y hours he saw the light, — The Cynic's lantern glowing bright; Resolved to make its lustre known. His lips soon gave the welcome tone, Diogenes ! " One hither pass," aii old man said (Life's tempests snowed his aged head) ; He oped his mouth with laughter wide, While still the clamorous vendor cried Diogenes ! " Oh, stay ! " a maiden cried ; the rest Around her were as much impress' d ; Each looking forth ^^^th eager eye. Urging the vendor to supply Diogenes ! Beware ! the train moves from the branch ; The sheets fly like an avalanche ! The boy's blue eyes %vith pleasure shine, While voices shout far up the line, Diogknes Far on the waj', with bi'eaks down hard. Two trains each other rush toward ; And midst the wreck so fearful there. Voices are heard still loud and clear, Dio6:bnk& ! A traveller on a rugged mound Was in a hundred pieces found ; His hand still grasped, though cold as ice. That paper with its bold device, Diogenes ! There, as he torn and lifeless lay, Smiles seem'd around his lips to play : Still in the air his accents are. And echo through each passing car, Diogenes !^ 2 W O P3 H o - O o ^ CO TRAVELLERS, WHO'VE SO OFT BEEN BLED EAVELLERS, who 've so oft been bled, When you 're poorly lodged and fed, At the Blue Boar or King's Head, Or the Victory ; Ye, who 've i^aid a crown or so. For a pint of Cape or sloe, Join your powers to overthrow Such cool knavery ! Down with eveiy monstrous tax — ( liambermaids, and lights of wax ! Who wUl pay for these, I ax. Shillings two or three ? With each bieast the feeling chimes, Well to punish such foul ciimes ; To the castigating Times, Biffin, write with me ! By the dinners, dear and bad. By the items never had, Chai'ged and jiaid for, yet too glad To escape so free, — Deal Mine Host a deadly blow ; Tell the Boots that he may go To the gentleman below Forward — what a spree ! THE CLOSE OF THE SEASON. p S* HOUGH the mornings are light, and the evenings bright, iPf Arid the green leaves of summer the trees on, the trees on, j'^ Fashion bids tis fi'om town to be off with a frown, * For we 've come to the end of the season, the season. The last Chiswick fote has been long out of date. The Botanical Gardens are over, are over ; So a fete or a garden at Paris or Baden We 're to find (if bon ton) via Dover, by Dover. The Academy's closed, and the pictures disposed Of, so seek we in Paris the Louvre, the Louvre ; And to Chobham's famed camp we no longer will tramp. But at Satorj' watch each manoeu%Te, manosuvre. 'I'he opera 's done ; there's an end to the fun Of aria, duo, cahaletfa, -ba/etta ; So music we 'U seek in La Seala next week, Or i^erhaps, further sonth, in Valetta, Valetta. Each Parliament-house has gone after the grouse. Or a foray for stags is a leading, a leading ; So for woodcocks erratic we '11 seek th' Adriati.-, Or cany a fly-rod to Sweden, to Sweden. The ice, too, at Grange's (so mighty the change is Of weather) to eat is scarce fit, Sir, scarce fit. Sir ; While Mont Blanc, in his show, recommends us to go At onc9 on a trip to the Switzer, the Switzer. So, with home being tired, or travelling fired. Or fix'd by some other good reason, good reason. Our passports we '11 get, and then off we '11 set, For we 've come to the end of the season, the season. -^ ASTOUNDING FACT. ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND CURES EFFECTED BY THE AID OF DIOGENES. This wonderful discovery is calculated to supersede all medicines, and ia the only true remedy for lowness of spirits, affections of the heart, irregularity of the liver, and a variety of other complaints " which flesh is heir to." The dose to be taken is two-pennyworth weekly, and a speedy and certain cure is guaranteed. From upwards of twenty thousand testimonials which we have re- ceived, we beg to offer the following to the notice of our readers : — Mount Pleasant, August 20. Dear Diogenes, — I owe you a thousand thanks for the benefits I have derived from your invaluable remedy, and, indeed, for which I feel that I can never be sufficiently grateful. Never was any change more pal- pable than in my case. Twelve months ago I was morose, sullen, and discontented ; and, I blush to say, that on more than one occasion I had the brutality to beat my wife and kick my children. Now, however, ever since I have taken a weekly dose of Diogenes, everything goes on well ; my wife and I smile on each other, and our little dears have all your jokes on their fingers' ends. Go on and prosper is the sincere wish of Yours, gi'eatly obliged, Benjamin Baxter. Crab-tree Villa, Clapton, 6th of the 7th month. Respected Friend, — Verily the spirit hath moved thee, for thy pro- duction savoureth of exceeding good jests. Friend Ephi-aim and I have conversed with many of our Society concerning thee, and have read aloud some of thy papers, at which there hath been much smiling, both among old and young. Send three more Numbers weekly; and be sure that thou dii'ect them to be brought round by the back entrance. Thine, Ezekiel Grubb. Tavistock, two in the morning. Dear Dio., — How are you, old fellow ? Your last week's Number did me good, and no mistake. You don't know my old governor — no matter : he's a crusty card, but uncommonly fond of a good joke. Well, last week I saw a splendid Tit at Anderson's — quite the cheese ; but then how was 1 to coax the governor to stump up the ready. Turning all this over in my mind, and walking along Piccadilly in deuced low spirits, I happened to see a cx'owd of people standing round a stationer's shop window, and found that they were twigging your last Number. I thought that I should like to see it, so 1 bought, and what's more, I read it ; and by the time I reached home, I felt myself as right as a tiivet. Dad and I dined together that evening ; and, as we sat over om* port (which, by-the-by, is deuced slow), I let fly some of your jokes, which tickled him so mightily, that I thought the old boy would have split his waistcoat in two. So, thinking this a good opportunity — as the debates say, I moved the previous question, mentioned the nag, dwelt on his fine points, lowness of price, and all that soi-t of thing, and got over him in first-i^ate style ; in fact, he came down like a brick — and all through you, you old trump. Shove my name down for a dozen copies a week ; and if you are passing the Tavistock, and have nothing better to do, just di'op in and see a fellow. Yours, Charley Spriggs. UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY Los Angeles This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. J ULl 61974 1J74 DEC 2a 19' OCT 05 5 992 Form L9-Series 4939 Mechanics, Labourers, &c. ■r WHEREAS for the numerous R lilwavs. Docks, Turnpike Trusts, Canals, W.ioas «nd Forests, &c. &c., throughout Gre.it Britain, ABLE-BODIED Mechanics and Labourers are constantly beins required in lari;e numbers, Xotice of ail Employment ofl'ered upon the Works above mentioned will be published in tlie " Labour List and Uni- versal Gazette of Employment." BY ORDER Of the Contractors. ^^LiO^'^/ -^..sr^r^ Poor Law Union Notices. THE " Labour List and UniverssJ Gazette of Employment" having heel adopted by the Boards of Guardians of thi Poor as an Organ for the Publication cl Notices of Persons required by the .several Boards : All Notices requiring the service of Chaplains, Medical Officers, Relievin; Officers, Schoolmasters and Mistre-ss - Workhoii.«e Masters and Matrons, Nurse? Cooks, Porters, &c., &c., with a full state ment of the duties and salaries attachiPL to each, will invariably appear in tin " Lil)our List and Universal Gazette . Ivnploynient." BY ORDER Of the Boards of Guardians of the Potir, LON'DON: E. SHELTOX, 69, FLEET STREET. L 006'^"*'^^/^ 634 t PLEASE DO NOT REMOVE THIS BOOK GARDS ^iLlBRMY6k University Research Library 576 I jG"! j-r, 5F^r $ I IJIJ