THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES «*A LYRICS LYRICS LEGAL AND MISCELLANEOUS BY THE LATE GEORGE OUTRAM, Esq. ADVOCATE EDITED (WITH INTRODUCTORY NOTICE) BY THE LATE HENRY GLASSFORD BELL, Esq. ADVOCATE, SHERIFF OF LANARKSHIRE SECOND EDITION WILLIAM BLACKWOOD & SONS EDINBURGH AND LONDON MDCCCLXXIV CONTENTS. PAGE INTRODUCTORY NOTICE, J THE ANNUITY, 2J WISHES 34 THE MULTIPLEPOINDING, 37 SOUMIN AND ROUMIN, 43 THE OLD TRUE BLUE, 46 THE SAUMON, 5 1 THE PROCESS OF AUGMENTATION 53 ON THE LAW OF MARRIAGE, 67 THE REFORM BILL, 70 JOHN AND JEAN, 73 THE FACULTY ROLL 80 THE BANKS O* THE DEE, 86 CESSIO BONORUM 88 LADY ! THINE EYE IS BRIGHT, . . .92 WHAT WILL I DO GIN MY DOGGIE DIE? . . 94 785501 6 CONTENTS. THE PROCESS OF WAKENING 96 ELSIE, 99 DUBBYSIDE IOI WHEN THIS OLD WIG WAS NEW I03 THE SIGN O' THE CRAW, I06 MY WIFE HAS COME OWER TO CURE ME, . . 108 DRINKIN* DRAMS, I IO WE BE THREE POOR BARRISTERS 113 HERE LIES Il6 HERE I AM 117 THE LAWYER'S SUIT II9 MY NANNIE, 121 EPIGRAMS, 123 THE MILLER, I24 THE BARLEY FEVER, . . I2j THE HOLY LOCH, 1 26 INTRODUCTORY NOTICE. George Outram was born on the 25th March 1805, at Clyde Iron- Works, in the vicinity of Glasgow, his father being then the manager of these important works. In the course of a year or two, however, the family removed from Glasgow to Leith, Mr Outran), sen., having become partner in a mercantile house there. George received his early education in the High School of Leith ; and afterwards went through the regular curriculum of the University of Edinburgh. In 1827 he became a member of the Faculty of Advo- cates, and for the next ten years continued to attend the Parliament House, where his genial disposition and fund of quaint humour made him a great favourite with both Bench and Bar. Being, however, of a retiring, sensitive, and not over- active nature, Outram did not lay himself out with 8 INTRODUCTORY. much earnestness for legal practice; and in 1837 he accepted the ofler, somewhat unexpectedly made to him, of the editorship of the ' Glasgow Herald/ then, as it has since continued to he, the leading newspaper in the west of Scotland. He became also one of the proprietors, and settled down to his new duties for life. The 'Herald,' at that time, was published only twice a-week, and was conducted in a steady, quiet, and un- pretentious manner, with a careful avoidance of any- thing like an aggressive or innovating spirit. In poli- tics it was mildly Conservative, hut by no means slav- ishly so, as it rather piqued itself on maintaining a character of independence, and was on the whole con- ducted with such tact and discrimination that it secured the confidence of the public, and increased in circulation and repute. Its editor loved what was old and pleasant and easy, and shrank, with a sort of humorous abhorrence, from what was novel and obtru- sive, either in social or political life. Nevertheless, when occasion required, he showed both firmness and discrimination, and his judgment was seldom at fault in the numerous questions which force themselves on the attention of a public writer. Mr Outram had married before he left Edinburgh, and in due course became the father of four sons, in whose education and upbringing he took the greatest INTRODUCTORY. 9 possible interest, but one of whom only now survives. He bad one daughter, who died in infancy. He re- sided, with much domestic enjoyment, in Glasgow or its neighbourhood for nineteen years. During that period he won and retained, by his amiable manners and delightful flow of good-natured humour, the esteem and respect of all classes. He likewise experienced much pleasure in keeping up his acquaintance with his old friends and associates in Edinburgh, who had greatly regretted his separation from them, and were always glad to receive him with open arms. Latterly his constitution, which had never been very robust, gave way somewhat prematurely, and he died at his country residence of Eosemore, on the Holy Loch, on 15th September 1856, in the fifty-second year of his age. He was buried in "Warriston Cemetery, Edinburgh ; and left behind him, in the hearts of many attached friends, the memory of a most kindly, amiable, and gifted man. For George Outrani possessed, in addition to his other qualifications, a spark of true and original Scot- tish genius, but for which the foregoing brief sum- mary of his uneventful life would never have seen the light. This genius manifested itself chiefly in the pro- duction of songs and other lyrical pieces, mostly in the Scottish dialect, and exhibiting, without a touch of 10 INTRODUCTORY. bitterness, an amount of humour unsurpassed by any other national writer. Many of these compositions, which were the delight of his own circle, were called forth only by some incident or event in the lives of some of the members of that circle ; so that their allu- sions and mirth-exciting power could not be rightly understood by the outer world. Well, however, do Outram's surviving friends remember what additional delight many a song of his, composed for the occasion, gave to their social symposiums. The author himself was of too modest a nature to regard them as anything but trifles ; but when a copy was obtained, the mis- pressed laughter of many a coterie in the Parliament House, collected in some convenient nook, indicated their appreciation of the contents. Fortunately, however, some of Outram's best things are of a more general character, which appeal to, and are sure to command, the sympathies of all. His legal lyrics introduce us to some of the peculiarities of Scotch law, and show us their comic side with a rare and genial power, scarcely ever attempted before, and cer- tainly never at any time surpassed. The author's idea in such ballads as "The Annuity," "The Multiple- poinding," " Soumin and Eoumin," "The Process of Augmentation," " The Process of Wakening," " Cessio Bonorum," and others, seems to have been to present INTRODUCTORY. 1 1 vivid and humorous pictures, not unaccompanied sometimes by a touch of pathos, of the peculiar and rather remarkable features of Scotch legal process, and its effect on the character and feelings of his country- men. The scenes suggested are as vividly portrayed as they could have been by the pencil of a Wilkie ; and whilst perhaps they will be most intensely appreciated by professional lawyers, they possess that breadth of colouring and truth to human nature which cannot fail to interest all readers, and entertain them with an exquisite perception of the ludicrous. Some of the miscellaneous pieces are not less stamped with originality and humour, and it is much to be re- gretted that, for the reasons above indicated, they cannot be all given to the public. It is confidently believed, however, that among the poems in the present publication there will be found specimens of national facetice differing from anything to be found elsewhere, and full of a high merit of their own. In some instances they are descriptive of bacchanalian characters ; but, in place of being written with any view to encourage bacchanalian habits, they tend to expose the folly of such habits, and to turn them into ridicule. Here and there the author's keen sense of the ludicrous has induced a certain freedom of expres- sion, without which the thought would have lost its 12 INTRODUCTORY. characteristic vigour. Lut the consciousness of a healthy moral tone remains throughout. This hrief Introductory Notice ought perhaps to stop here. But it has been suggested that one or two per- sonal reminiscences of Outram may be added, as tend- ing to bring out more fully the genial character of the man and the poet. His cast of mind and associations were essentially Scottish. He was, it is believed, only twice out of Scotland during his life, and that but for short periods. He was admirably versed in, and had a high appreciation of, the strength of his native Doric. He was also familiar with the peculiarities of Scotch character, some of which afforded him great amuse- ment, whilst others inspired him with respect. These features of his mind and habits led him, not long after he went to reside in Glasgow, to conceive the idea of a " Scotch Denner," to be given in his own house, as a purely national meal, to which each guest was to come in the costume of some favourite Scottish worthy, and which was to be a gathering ironically renewing the once popular lamentations over the Union with England, as destructive of the independence and ancient position of Scotland. The " denner," to which only a small and select party was invited, each of whom appeared in an historical character and dress, came off on 22d July 18-44, being the 138th anni- INTRODUCTORY. 1 3 versary of the Treaty of Union. It had been a great amusement to Outram, in his leisure moments, to make arrangements for this banquet. He printed his letter of invitation — of itself a curiosity — a list of toasts — and, by way of menu, a small brochure, a copy of which was supplied to each of the guests, with the motto, "Syne there were proper stewards, cunning baxters, excellent cooks and potingars, with confections and drugs for their deserts."— Pitscottie, Edin. 1728, p. 174. The Letter of Invitation, List of Toasts, and the Brochure, are here given for the perusal of those who may be interested by a specimen of the genial humour which habitually pervaded the author's social intercourse with his friends. INVITATION. " Richt Trustie Friend, — " Forgie me that I steer your memorie eennow, anent that wearifu' Treaty o' Union wi' the Englishers, whilk, as ye weel ken, was subscrivit by the unworthie representatives of our forbears, on the 22d 14 INTRODUCTORY. day of July, a.d. 1706, in ane unhappie hour. For I do sae allenarlie wi' the intent that ye suld devise means to red us for aye of that wanchancie covenant, the endur- ance whereof is regarded by ilka leal-hearted Caledonian with never-devallin' scunner. Wherefor I earnestly en- treat of you that, on Monday the 22d of the present month, bein' the 138th anniversary of the foresaid dulefu' event, ye wald attend a great gatherin' 0' Scotsmen, to be halden after the gude auld Scottish fashion, at Scott Street of Glasgow, whan it will be taen into cannie con- sideration how we may now best free oursels o' that unnatural band, either by a backspang, if we can sae far begunk the Southron, or by an evendown cassin o' the bargain, an' haudin of our ain by the strong hand, if need be. An' to the intent that we may be the better preparit for what may come, it is designit, on the occa- sion of the said gatherin', that we sail subsist upon our ain national vivers allenarlie, an' sae pruive how far we can forega the aids o' foreign countries in respect of our creature comforts, varyin' our fare wi' the flesh o' the red deer an' the trouts o' Lochleven, suppin our ain Kail, Hotch Potch, or Cockyleekie, whiles pangin oursels wi' haggis an' brose, an* whiles wi' sheep's head an' partan pies, rizzard haddies, crappit heads an' scate- rumples, nowtes' feet, kebbucks, scadlips, an' skink, forbye cus- tocks, carlings, rifarts an' syboes, farles, fadges an' ban- nocks, drammock, brochan an' powsowdie, and siklike — washin the same doun our craigs wi' nae foreign pushion, but anerlie wi' our ain reamin yill an' bellin usquebaugh. " Trustin that you, an' mony anither leal Scotsman, will forgather at the foresaid time an' place, to bend the INTRODUCTORY. 1 5 bicker after the manner of our worth ie forbears when guid auld Scotland was a kingdom, " I subscrieve myself, " Yours to command, "GEORGE OUTRAM. " Given at Scott Street of Glasgow, on the eleventh day o' July, Anno Domini, mdcccxliv." On the back of the letter, under the address, were the words : — " Be this letter delivered with haste — haste— post haste ! Ride, villain, ride ! For thy life— for thy life— for thy life ! " The late Lord Cockburn threatened to interdict the treasonable meeting ! But the guests, nevertheless, assembled, and found prepared for them the following bill of fare : — I 6 INTRODUCTORY. " Ane Buik o' Ancient Scotch Dishes for the gatherin'." TABLE I. " There s peas ititirt, an' there's beans intil't, An there's carrots, an lueps, an' greens intift." — o — " Lang may she live, an' la ng enjoy Ilk blessin life can gie, Health, -wealth, content, an' plea sour, A n ' cockie- leekie. ' ' TABLE II. " Can ye tell me, fisher laddies, What s gotten into the heads o' the haddies ? " " Stove him weel w? -wine an' spice, And bit Iter in the bree ; Pse -warrant he'll ken neist time A feather frae a flee." INTRODUCTORY. 17 TABLE III. ' ' Fair fa your honest, sonsieface, Great chieftain o' the puddiu' race.' 1 '' " John Anderson, ?ny jo, Cum in as ze gae by, An' ze sail get a shelf's head Weel baken in a pie.'' — — ■ " An' first they ate the white puddings, An' syne they ate the black." — — " Gie me lock brose, brose, Gie me lock brose and butter. " " They a 1 , in aue united body, Declared it a fine fat howtowdie." — — " He fang 'd him seP fit 0' collofs an' kail, Syne whang 'd at the bannocks o' barley meal." — o — " // was fed wi" font A 0' gerse an' oats, An' was wirried an' sauted at Johnnie Groat's." —0 — ' ' My heart's in the Highlands, my heart is not here, My Aeart's in the Highlands, a-chasing the deer." TABLE IV. " There's bread an' cheese at my door cheek, An' pancakes the riggin' o't." 1 8 INTRODUCTORY. "Order of the Toasts at the Gatherin' on the 1 38 owercome of 2 2d july 1 706. " i. The Majestie o' this Realm, being the Land o' Cakes. 2. The Memorie o' the Last Queen o' Scotland. 3. The Cassin o' the Wanchancie Covenant. 4. The Abolition o' a' Assessments an' Blackmails. 5. A speedie Parliament in the Parliament House. 6. The Abolishment o* Stake Nets, an' the Restoration o' the auld Manier o' Fishin'. 7. A Dour Douncome to the Cadgers, an' a Kittle Cast to the Customs. 8. The Buirdly Barons o' the Borders, an' the Auld Road to Carlisle. 9. The Laird o' Raasay and Commissioners o' Benachic. 10. True Thomas o' Ercildoune, Sir David Lyndsay o' the Mount, an' a' the Famous Scottish Menstrils." "A r ota bene. — The farder order o' the ceremonie at the pleasour o' the companie." With the toasts, on the occasion of the " denner," were intermingled many of the Chairman's most de- lightful songs — some of them being composed for the occasion — together with other songs, hardly less de- lightful, by a favourite Scottish landscape-painter, now, alas ! no more ; and with the irresistible stories of another Scottish artist, who, happily, still survives to charm his countrymen alike with his word and INTRODUCTORY. 19 colour painting. It is needless to say that the night was one of unequalled mirth and enjoyment, and that the " pleasour 0' the companie " protracted the " order o' the ceremonie " till a late, or rather an early, hour. Outram was often urged to puhlish, but he always evaded the request. In the year 1851, however, he was induced to print, for private circulation, his Legal Lyrics, under the title, ' Legal Lyrics and Metrical Illus- trations of the Scotch Forms of Process ; one hundred copies printed for Private Circulation.' The edition was limited, accordingly ; and the excellence and originality of the contents were so greatly appreciated by the more immediate friends to whom copies were presented, that they were besieged on all hands by requests for per- usal ; and at many social meetings it was considered one of the chief attractions of the evening to hear some of the Lyrics read or sung. None enjoyed them more than the then acknowledged heads of the literary and intellectual society of Edinburgh. One literary friend so much delighted in " The Process of Augmentation," that he used to have parties at his own house, where it was sung by the guests, in the characters and cos- tumes of the Minister, the various Heritors, and the Lords of Session. The Minister's tune, composed by the author, is printed in this volume. Lord Euther- furd was particularly enchanted with "The Process of 20 INTRODUCTORY. Wakening," as possessing a wonderful combination of pathos and drollery. Professor "Wilson, Lord Cock- burn, and many other admirers, likewise had their special favourites in the lyrical volume. These Legal Lyrics, as yet so imperfectly circulated, have been much talked of, and the whole of them are included in the present volume. It is to be regretted that Outram never carried out his intention of writing some others, as indicated by certain fragments found among his manuscripts. One of these, intended to illustrate the Law of Lien, has the following graphic commencement : — " If ye've been up ayont Dundee, Ye maun hae heard about the plea That's raised by Sandy Grant's trustee For the mill that belang'd to Sandy. For Sandy lent the man his mill, An' the mill that was lent was Sandy's mill, An' the man got the len' o' Sandy's mill, An' the mill it belang'd to Sandy. A' sense o' sin an' shame is gone, They're claiming noo a lien on The mill that belang'd to Sandy. But Sandy lent the man his mill, An' the mill that was lent was Sandy's mill, An' the man got the len' o' Sandy's mill, An' the mill it belang'd to Sandy." The gossip of the Parliament House as to a flirtation INTRODUCTORY. 21 (said to have commenced on the wrong side) between parties not usually brought together, gave rise to some verses entitled " The Macer's Daughter," of which the two following only have been preserved : — " 'Twas not his form, 'twas not his face, 'Twas not his eloquence, that caught her ; It was his name in every case That gained the heart of the macer's daughter. 'Twas not her eye, or ruby lip, Or teeth, like pearls in purest water ; He'd ne'er have touched her finger's tip Had she not been the macer's daughter." When his friend, the late Thomas Mackenzie, advo- cate, afterwards Lord Mackenzie, was rapidly rising as a junior at the bar, he received the honorary appoint- ment of Counsel for the Woods and Forests, which gave rise to a song being commenced, called The Woods and the Forests. Are thev accents of love, or the words of command ? 'Tis the voice of a lady — the first in the land — Saying, " Trusty Mackenzie, I'll give you a fee, If you'll roam through the woods and the forests with me. " And, Tom, may it not be hereafter your pride, As snugly you sit by your happy fireside, To tell little Tommy, who sits on your knee, How you roamed through the woods and the forests with me ? 22 INTRODUCTORY. And when yon shall part with your bombasine gown, And in ermine and silk on the Bench shall sit down, Won't the great Lord Mackenzie remember with glee How he roamed through the woods and the forests with me V Other disjecta membra of a similar description might be quoted, and some additional poems might perhaps, with care, be selected from the MSS. ; but the task is delicate where the author himself did not contemplate publication ; and, in the mean time at least, what is here given must suffice. H. G. B. ADDENDUM. The relatives of the author have to lament the unex- pected death of the accomplished editor of this little volume just when it was on the eve of being given to the public. It was to him a labour of love to select from the more ample manuscript volume, in which many of the author's compositions had luckily been preserved, those of which the humour and spirit were most likely to be apprehended and appreciated by readers who were not familiar with the characters and incidents which called them forth. The devotedness of the editor to his all but overpowering judicial INTRODUCTORY. 23 duties — discharged with herculean strength and hercu- lean success — necessarily superseded, to a great extent (although it never altogether prevented), the indul- gence of his literary tastes and habits, and retarded the selection which, for a long period, he had at heart, of the specimens now given of the genius of his early and attached friend, whom he enthusiastically admired, and whose uneventful life and genial character he has briefly recorded in the foregoing Introductory Xotice. As may be gathered from that notice, it was not unusual with the author to surprise his friends, at the social board, by effusions in which some of themselves, while ample justice was done to their solid qualities and acquirements, were, at same time, made the objects of an under-current of irresistible humour, which com- pelled them to join in a smile or a laugh at their own expense, and thereby covered the modest confusion which the admiring regard insinuated or expressed towards themselves, in their presence, might otherwise have occasioned. In one of these effusions, of which the editor himself was the subject, his somewhat remarkable size and physical prowess were made the foil to carry off an expression of personal attachment, as well as appreciation of his powerful intellect, which 24 INTRODUCTORY. was even then — now some thirty years ago — well known to all who had adequate means of judging. Among the pieces proposed to be published, the editor, from motives of delicacy, had not included this one ; hut the relatives of the author, in now recording their gratitude to the editor, trust that they may he pardoned hy his surviving friends for the liberty they take in here presenting it to the indulgent reader. G. D. The Tzar Kolokol. (Tune—" the Roast Beef of Old England! ") In Russia there is, as all travellers tell, Near the Kremlin, at Moscow, a ponderous Bell, Called " King of the Bells " its fame to extol, Or, in Muscovite language, the Tzar Kolokol. 'Tis made of all metals — gold, silver, and tin — For each wealthy Russian some jewel cast in ; And the poor never rested till something they stole To assist in compounding the Tzar Kolokol. The furnace was fed by the young and the old ; The maid gave her ear-rings, the miser his gold ; For all knew 'twould he for the good of the soul To give what they could to the Tzar Kolokol. Full nine months passed over before it was cast, But out came the mountain of metal at last, And tribes from the tropics, and tribes from the pole, Came as pilgrims to look at the Tzar Kolokol. INTRODUCTORY. 25 With ropes and with pulleys they hoisted the mass, And they made it a tongue of some ten tons of hrass, And the world waited trembling to hear the first toll From the King of the Bells, — from the Tzar Kolokol. But that toll never came, for the rafters gave way, And the ponderous giant was rolled in the clay ; And the fatal residt was a wide gaping hole That was broke in the side of the Tzar Kolokol. We've a Bell in this country, — the King of Bells too ; Of metal as various, and temper more true, — A sort of a giant — though, upon the whole, He's not quite so big as the Tzar Kolokol. It took nine months to cast him ; and as for his tongue, 'Tis as brazen as theirs is, though much better hung ; And I'm sure we all feel 'tis good for the soul To do what we can for our Tzar Kolokol. Though he's never been hung yet, and never may be, His voice has been heard o'er the earth and the sea, And long may such music continue to roll From the King of our Bells, — from the Tzar Kolokol. May the King live for ever, a Persian request Which we make in behalf of our much-honoured guest ; May we oft pledge a bumper, and oft drain a bowl, To the health of our Bell, — to our Tzar Kolokol. LYRICS. Zty &nnuitg. Air—" Duncan Davidson." I gaed to spend a week in Fife — An unco week it proved to be — For there I met a waesome wife Lamentin' her viduity. Her grief brak out sae fierce and fell, I thought her heart wad burst the shell ; And— I was sae left to niysel' — I sell't her an annuity. The bargain lookit fair eneugh— She just was turned o' saxty-three; I couldna guessed she'd prove sae teugh, By human ingenuity. 28 THE ANNUITY. But years have come, and years haw gane, And there she's yet as stieve's a stane — The limmer's growin' young again, Since she got her annuity. She's crined awa' to bane an' skin, But that it seems is nought to me ; She's like to live — although she's in The last stage o' tenuity. She munches wi' her wizened gums, An' stumps about on legs o' thrums, But comes — as sure as Christmas comes — ^To ca' for her annuity. She jokes her joke, an' cracks her crack, As spunkie as a growin' flea — An' there she sits upon my back, A livin' perpetuity. She hurkles by her ingle side, An' toasts an' tans her wrunkled hide — Lord kens how king she yet may bide To ca' for her annuity ! I read the tables drawn wi' care For an Insurance Company ; Her chance o' life was stated there, Wi' perfect perspicuity. THE ANNUITY. 29 But tables here or tables there, She's lived ten years beyond her share, An's like to live a dizzen mair, To ca' for her annuity. I gat the loon that drew the deed — We spelled it o'er right carefully ; — In vain he yerked his souple head, To find an ambiguity : It's dated — tested — a' complete — The proper stamp — nae word delete — And ddigence, as on decreet, May pass for her annuity. Last Yule she had a fearfu' hoast — I thought a kink might set me free ; I led her out, 'mang snaw and frost, "YVT constant assiduity. But Diel ma' care — the blast gaed by, And missed the auld anatomy ; It just cost me a tooth, forbye Discharging her annuity. I thought that grief might gar her quit — Her only son was lost at sea — But aff her wits behuved to flit, An' leave her in fatuity ! 30 THE ANNUITY. She threeps, an' threeps, he's livin' yet, For a' the tellin' she can get; But catch the doited runt forget To ca' for her annuity ! If there's a sough o' cholera Or typhus — wha sae gleg as she ? She buys up baths, an' drugs, an' a', In siccan superfluity! She doesna need — she's fever proof — The pest gaed o'er her very roof ; She taidd me sae — an' then her loof Held out for her annuity. Ac day she fell — her arm she brak, — A compound fracture as coidd be ; Nae Leech the cure wad undertak, Whate'er was the gratuity. It's cured ! — She handles't like a flail — It does as weel in bits as hale ; But I'm a broken man mysel' Wi' her and her annuity. Her broozlcd flesh, and broken banes, Are weel as flesh an' banes can be. She beats the taeds that live in stanes, An' fatten in vacuity ! THE ANNUITY. 3 I They die when they're exposed to air — They canna thole the atmosphere ; But her ! — expose her ony where — She lives for her annuity. If mortal means could nick her thread, Sma' crime it wad appear to me ; Cat murder — or ca't homicide — I'd justify't, — an' do it tae. But how to fell a withered wife That's carved out o' the tree o' life — The timmer limmer daurs the knife To settle her annuity. I'd try a shot. — But whar's the mark 1 — Her vital parts are hid frae me ; Her back-hane wanders through her sark In an unkenn'd cork sere wity. She's palsilied — an' shakes her head Sae fast about, ye scarce can see't ; It's past the power o' steel or lead To settle her annuity. She might be drowned; — but go she'll not Within a mile o' loch or sea ; — Or hanged — if cord could grip a throat 0' siccan exiguity. 32 THE ANNUITY. It's fitter far lo hang the rope — It draws out like a telescope : 'Twad tak a dreadfu' length o' drop To settle her annuity. AVill puzion do't ? — It has heen tried ; But, be't in hash or fricassee, That's just the dish she can't abide, Whatever kind o' t jeaumon. Air—" The Angers Whisper." By Tweeclside a-standin', Wi' lang rods our hands in, In great hopes o' landin' a Saumon were Ave ; I took np my station, Wi' much exultation, While Morton fell a-fishin' farther doun upon the lea. Across the stream flowin' My line I fell a-throwin', Wi' a sou' -wester hlowin' right into my e'e ; I jumpt when my hook on I felt something pookin' ■ But upon farther lookin' it proved to be a tree. But deep, deep the stream in, I saw his sides a-gleamin', 52 THE SAUMON. The king o' the Saumon, sae pleasantly lay he ; I thought he was sleepin', But on closer peepin', I saw by his teeth he was lauchin' at me. The flask frac my pocket I poured into the socket, For I was provokit unto the last degree ; And to my way o' thinkin', There's naething for't like drinkin', When a Saumon lies winkin' and lauchin' at ye. There's a bend in the Tweed, ere It mingles with the Leader — If you go you will see there a wide o'erspreadin' tree ; That's a part o' the river That I'll revisit never — 'Twas there that scaly buffer lay lauchin' at me. 51 Zty process of Augmentation. The Minister States his Case to a Tune of his mvn Composing (for -which seep. 66.) Whoever shall oppose my claim for augmentation, I'll hold amongst my foes — "Whoever shall oppose ; I'll deem him one of those who seek their own dam- nation, "Whoever shall oppose my claim for augmentation. Though some may hold their lands cum decimis inclusis, Secure from my demands — Though some may hold their lands ; Enough's in other's hands, who have no such excuses — Though some may hold their lands cum decimis inclusis. 'Tis fully twenty years since my stipend was aug- mented, — A time of want and fears ! 'Tis fully twenty years ; In silence and in tears my griefs I have lamented ; 'Tis fully twenty years since my stipend was augmented. 54 THE AUGMENTATION. Tis partly paid in Bear, and partly paid in Barley ; Though few such crops now rear, Tis partly paid in Bear ; Though Wheat and Oats elsewhere are now grown regularly, 'Tis partly paid in Bear, and partly paid in Barley. My glehe is small and poor, and my parish is prodigious. How long shall I endure ! My glehe is small and poor. No error, I am sure, was ever more egregious. My glehe is small and poor, and my parish is prodigious. I have no means hut those. A small mortification Just keeps my wife in clothes. I have no means but those. If I might he jocose, I'd say on this occasion I have no means hut those — a great mortification. Then whoever shall oppose my claim for augmentation, I'll hold amongst my foes — "Whoever shall oppose; I'll deem him one of those Avho seek their own dam- nation, Whoever shall oppose my claim for augmentation. THE AUGMENTATION. 55 The Heritors Defend themselves to the Time of "Judy Callaghan" FIRST HERITOR. And hang me if I don't Oppose your augmentation ! My Lords, you surely won't Condemn me to starvation. I couldn't give a rap To purchase immortality, More than that fat old chap Draws under the last locality. CJiorus of Heritors — Uh ! uh ! uh ! If ae wonder we're in sic a rage — He wants the hale o' the teind, Parsonage and Vicarage. SECOND HERITOR. She'd readily pay her merk Upon ony just occasion ; But she lives ten miles frae the kirk- An' she's of another persuasion. THE AUGMENTATION. He ought to scrutinecse The errors that have perverted her — An' she'll pay him whatever ye please As soon as he has converted her. Chorus — Uh ! uh ! uh ! &c. THIRD HERITOR. My father mortified A field of about ten acre — But he scarce had signed the deed When his spirit was aff to his Maker. Had the minister shown less greed, I didna mean to object to it — But now I hope to see't Reduced ex capite lectl yet. Clwrus — Uh ! uh ! uh ! &c. FOURTH HERITOR. He says, that frae the teinds He is hut puirly pensioned ; But he's ither ways an' means, Though he'd rather they worna mentioned. THE AUGMENTATION. 57 He kens the ways o' a' The wives in his vicinity, An' weel can whilly-wha A rich, auld, sour virginity. Chorus— Uh ! uh ! uh ! &c. FIFTH HERITOR. He'll croon to ane on death, Until her een are bleerit — An' lecture anither on faith, Till she's like to gang deleerit. An' thus he mak's a spoil 0' fatuous facility, An' works into the "Will 0' dottrified senility. Chorus— Uh ! uh ! uh ! &c. SIXTH HERITOR. Every time (an' that's ance a-year) That his wife's in the hands 0' the howdie, He sets the hale parish asteer For things to flavour her crowdie. 58 THE AUGMENTATION. An' this ane sends jelly an' wine, An' that ane sends puddins an' pastries, Till she — like a muckle swine — Just wallows in waltli an' wasteries. Chorus— Vh ! uh ! uh ! &c. SEVENTH HERITOR. He warns us a' to beware, — For if we're caught in transgression, It's his duty to notice't in prayer, Or bring us afore the Session ; But a turkey, or a guse, Or some sic temporalities, Can mak' a braw excuse For a' our wee carnalities. Chorus— Uh ! uh ! uh ! &c. EIGHTH HERITOR. The time he fixes for Parochial visitation, Is aye our dinner-hour — An' he's sure to improve the occasion. THE AUGMENTATION. 59 An' siccan a stamacli he has ! You'd think he'd ne'er get to the grand 0' it ; An' he tells us that flesh is grass — Just after he's swallowed a pund 0' it. Chorus— Uh ! uh ! uh ! &c. ALL THE HERITORS TOGETHER. Then, oh, my Lords, don't grant The smallest augmentation ! His pleading's nought but cant, Perversion and evasion. Don't give a single rap ('Twere worse than prodigality) More than that fat old chap Draws under the last locality. Chorus— Uh ! uh ! uh ! &c. 60 THE AUGMENTATION. THE LORDS MODIFY. Judicial Madrigal. — Air — " Nino is the Month of Maying." The Court on this occasion Of solemn consultation, Fol lol de rol, &c. — With deep sense of their high Responsibility, Thus modify : Fol de rol, &c. We'll first allow him yearly Ten pecks of Meal, — as clearly Equivalent To the full extent Of stipend paid in Bear ; Though, lest he that deny, We'll acid, for certainty, A boll of Eye. Fol de rol, &c. One chalder, in addition, Of Oats, would seem sufficient; THE AUGMENTATION. 6l And an increment To that extent We therefore modify, With Barley as before. Lord (7.— " Oh ! half a chalder more." Ho ! ho ! hi ! — (Judicial laughter.) The process now must tarry Till the Junior Ordinary Proceed to prepare, With his usual care, A scheme of locality. And, having done its turn, The Court will now adjourn Instantly. Fol de rol, &c. (The Lords adjourn.) THE HERITORS REJOICE. Hurrah for the Court o' Teinds ! Hurrah for the Tithe Commission ! We couldna done better if friends Had ta'en up the case on submission. 62 THE AUGMENTATION. His teeth he now may gnash O'er his matters alimentary; The Lords have settled his hash For anither fifth part of a century ! Ha! ha! ha! They've done for his venality ! Hurrah ! hurrah ! hurrah ! For the rectified locality ! Had he an offer fair, Or rational propounded, For twa three chalders mail We'd gladly ha'e compounded. — A boll o' Meal a-year We'd readily hae sent it him, — Forhye his pickle Bear, If that could hae contented him. Ha! ha! ha! The clod o' cauld legality ! Hurrah ! hurrah ! hurrah ! For the rectified locality ! But he wad tak' nae course, Except to raise an action, In order to enforce The most extreme exaction. THE AUGMENTATION, 6$ He's now got his decree — An' muckle he's the better o't ! But we'll tak' care that he Shall keep within the letter o't. Ha! ha! ha! The mass o' fat formality ! Hurrah ! hurrah ! hurrah ! For the rectified locality. For not a single Ait. Xor yet a spike o' Barley, Xor nip o' Meal, he's get Again irregularly. His wife, neist time, may grane As friendless as the Pelican ; "While he may dine his lane Forenent her empty jelly-can. Ha ! ha ! ha ! The lump o' sensuality ! Hurrah ! hurrah ! hurrah ! For the rectified locality ! (Exeunt Heritors.) 64 THE AUGMENTATION. THE MINISTER CONSOLES HIMSELF. Though I have been beset by roaring Bulls of Bashan, There is some comfort yet, Though I have been beset. 'Tis well that I'm to get a little augmentation, Though I have been beset by roaring Bulls of Bashan. I've many other cares that press on my attention. My Manse requires repairs — I've many other cares, — Xay ! common-sense declares it needeth an extension. I've many other cares that press on my attention. The rooms are far too small, and fewer than beseemeth. Should sickness e'er befall, The rooms are far too small ; We can't have beds for all when next my helpmeet teemeth. The rooms are far too small, and fewer than beseemeth. A wing on either side, of decent elevation — Proportionably wide — A wing on either side — YV< mill suitably provide for our accommodation, — A wing on either side, of decent elevation. THE AUGMENTATION. 65 My byre requires new walls — my milk-house a new gable. To stand the wintry squalls, My byre requires new walls. Xew mangers and new stalls are needed for my stable. My byre requires new walls — my milk-house a new gable. If all this be not done, unto my satisfaction, Before a year has run, — If all this be not done, — All compromise I'll shun, and raise another action — If all this be not done unto my satisfaction. And whoever did oppose, &c. — (Exit muttering.) DISTANT CHORUS OF HERITORS. Ha ! —ha ! —ha ! Curs mean scality ! — rah ! — rah ! — rah ! Eec lied cality ! E 66 THE AUGMENTATION. The Minister's Tune. e^ fc±E c y o - I =fcl a 3= is UpSS S3S3 5S3J I m -Y~ A =t (S- |z* !t mniet. A FRAGMENT. The Miller's rung did deeds o' weir, For mortal fray it aye was ready ; The Miller kent nouther sloth nor fear When he fought for king or bonnie leddy ! His head was pruif o' stane or steel, His skin was toucher than bend leather ; He could pu' against his ain mill-wheel, Or snap in bits his horse's tether. 125 A FRAGMENT. Air—" Oh the Barley Fever ! The Barley Fever, the Barley Fever ! It sticks like a burr, or a plough in a fur, An' it fells a man like a cleaver. Yer beard turns lang, an' yer head turns bald, An' yer face grows as white as the lip o' a scald ; Yer tae end is het, an' the tither is cauld, Like a rat wi' its tail in a siever. Oh the Barley Fever ! The Barley Fever, the Barley Fever ! It gars the best soul grow as empty's a bowl, An' as flat as the doup o' a weaver. The Typhus taks folk that are no very clean, The Scarlet's content wi' a saft fozy wean ; But the Barley fells rich, poor, clean, dirty, fat, lean, The infidel and the believer. 126 Calm, calm, the blue lake silent lies, The sky without a breath to shake it ; The drowsy clouds nor fall nor rise — The earth's asleep, and none to wake it. The sun stares with his fiery eye Upon the beauteous scene before him, "While green-robed Nature modestly Shrinks from such outrage of decorum. The sun has gone, the day is done, The moon beams o'er the peaceful water, High up above, looking such love As mother's o'er an only daughter. 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The Royal Atlas of Modem Geography. A Series of Entirely Original and Authentic Maps. By Alex. Keith Johnston, LL.D., F.R.S.E., F.R.G. S. A new Edition, brought up to the present time, containing a new Map of North Polar Regions. In imperial folio, half-bound morocco, ^5, 15s. 6d. Dedicated by Permission to H.R.H. the Prince of Wales. The Handy Royal Atlas. By the Same Author. Forty-Five Maps, clearly Printed and carefully Coloured, with General Index. With Indices to each Map, comprising nearly 150,000 Names of Places contained in the Atlas. A new Edition, brought up to the present time, containing a new Map of North Polar Regions. In imperial 4to, half-bound morocco, £2, 12s. 6d. 1 4 Messrs Blackwood and Sons' Essays on Social Subjects. From the ' Saturday Review.' A new Edition. First and Second Series. 2 vols, crown 8vo, 6s. each. " In their own way of simple, straightforward reflection upon life, the present century has produced no essays better than these." Examiner. . •• We shall welcome the author again if he has more to say on topics which he treats so well."— Guardian. Thorndale; or, The Conflict of Opinions. By William Smith. Second Edition. Crown 8vo, i os. 6d. The Handy Book of Fruit Culture under Glass : Being a Series of Practical Treatises on the Cultivation and Forcing of Pines, Vines, Peaches, Figs, Melons, Strawberries, and Cucumbers, with Engravings of Hot- houses, &c, most suitable for the Cultivation and Forcing of these Fruits. By David Thomson, Author of 'Handy Book of the Flower-Garden. ' In crown 8vo, with Engravings, 7s. 6d. Handy Book of the Flower-Garden : Being Plain Practical Directions for the Propagation, Culture, and Arrangement of Plants in Flower-Gardens all the Year Round. By David Thomson, Gardener to the Duke of Buccleuch, Drumlanrig, N.B. Second Edition, Revised and Enlarged, 7s. 6d. " Nowadays the flower-garden is such a very Important and interesting subject to many. that almost any book on the subject is sure to And readers; but as this is written by < "I the best gardeners in the country, and ouo. moreover, thoroughly master ol the i lern system of decoration, it deserves more attention than any book published on this or allied subjects of recent years."— The Field. "This is essentially a book for amateurs, and ■very amateur who is fortunate enough to be its possessor, or who may merely skim over its pages, will, we are assured, agree with ua In regarding its author as being entitled tn great praise tor the simple an. 1 clear manner in which he has explained the cultural directions, which, if carefully complied with, will enable the nonprofessional floriculturist to grow plants as well as any gardener. '—Gar- deners' Chronicle. A Book Aboitt Roses : How to Grow and Show them. By S. Reynolds Hole, Author of 'A Little Tour in Ireland.' Fourth Edition, 7s. 6d. " The production of a man who boasts of thirty ' All England ' cups; whose roses arc always looked for anxiously at flower-shows; who took the lion's Bhare in originating the show; wh as |udgeand omiotM curio is always courted at such ex- Buch a man ought t" have something to say to those who love the rose, and ho has said It."— Gardener? Chronicle. Recent Publications. 1 5 The Handy Book of Hardy Herbaceous Perennial and Alpine Flowers for the Flower-Garden. By WIL- LIAM Sutherland, Gardener to the Earl of Minto, formerly Manager of the Herbaceous Department at Kew. In 1 vol. crown 8vo, 8s. 6d. The Handy Book of Bees, And their Profitable Management. By A. Petttgrew, Rusholme. With Engravings, 4s. 6d. " The author of this volume is evidently a practical man, and knows a great deal more about bees and their habits than most of the bee-keepers in England ; indeed, he may be said to be a very master in the art of bee-mysteries."— Bell's Life in London. IN THE PRESS. PARADOXES AND PUZZLES. Historical, Judicial, and Literary. By JOHN PAGET, Barrister-at-Law. One vol. demy 8vo. MR KINGLAKE'S Fifth, or " Inkerman Volume," of THE INVASION OF THE CRIMEA. THE PHILOSOPHY OF HISTORY IN EUROPE. vol. i., containing the history of that philosophy in France and Germany. By ROBERT FLINT, Professor of Moral Philosophy and Political Economy, University of St Andrews. This Day is Published. THE SECOND VOLUME OP MR HOSACK'S MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS & HER ACCUSERS. Embracing a Narrative of Events from the Death of James V. in 1542, until the Death of Queen Mary in 15S7. Containing a Variety of Documents never before published. (This Volume will complete the Work.) 1 6 Messrs Blackwood 6* Sons' Recent Publications. ANCIENT CLASSICS FOR ENGLISH READERS. EDITED BY THE Rev. W. LUCAS COLLINS, M.A. 2s. 6d., bound in cloth. The aim of the present series will be to explain, sufficiently for general readers, who these great writers were, and what they wroU ; to give, wherever possible, some connected outline of the story which they tell, or the facts which they record, checked by the results of modern investigations ; to present some of their most striking pas- sages in iijtprui'i'd Knilisli t ran slat ions, and to illustrate them gene- rally from modern writers; to serve, in short, as a popular retrospect of the chief literature of Greece and Rome. The Volumes published contain — 1. Homer: The Iliad. By the Editor. 2. Holier: The Odyssey. By the Same. 3. Herodotus. By George C. Swayne, M.A. 4. Ceesar. By Anthony Trollope. 5. Virgil. By the Editor. 6. Horace. By Theodore Martin. 7. Mschylus. By Reginald S. Copleston, B.A. 8. Xenophon. By Sir ALEXANDER GRANT. 9. Cicero. By the Editor. 10. Sophocles. By Clifton W. Collins, M.A. 1 1. Pliny 's Letters. By the Rev. Alfred Church, M. A. , and the Rev. W. J. Brodribb, M.A. 12. Euripides. By W. B. Donne. 13. Juvenal. By Edward Walford, M.A. 14. Aristophanes. By the Editor. 15. ITcsiod and Theognis. By the Rev. J. Davis, M.A. 16. Plautus and Terence. By the Editor. 17. Tacitus. By W. B. Donne. 18. Lucian. By the Editor. 19. Plato. By Clifton W. Collins. A Volume will be published quarterly. 2s. 6d. "It is impossible to praise too highly the conception and execu- tion of this series of the Classics. They are a kind of 'Bibliotheca Classicorum ' for unlearned readers, but executed by men of the: most accomplished scholarship, and therefore conveying the very colour and tone of the authors. They will lie as pleasant to scholars as they are valuable to those who know only their mother tongue." — British Quarterly Review. " We anticipate that the judicious and novel design of such a series will meet, as it deserves, with widespread and lasting favour; and that, with its success, juster ideas will more generally prevail of the characteristics of the great writers of old." — Saturday Review. 3-3-7S ■:' UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY Los Angeles This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. orm L9-100m-9,'52(A3105)444 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY