4699 
 F523a. 
 
 B
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES
 
 T^SMLEIdrH ; 
 
 A TALE, 
 
 FOUNDED ON FACT, 
 
 BY 
 
 SUSANNAH FISH 
 
 PRINTED FOR 
 
 SUSANNAH FISH, HALIFAX, 
 
 1889.
 
 iA^i^v\>{i ^u^M^
 
 
 HIS little book shows the unkind treatment I received from 
 my Mistress, because she had listened to idle tales, told 
 about me. This peculiar behaviour to me, has made such 
 a deep impression on my mind. I felt constrained to 
 
 write it out, to show her where she has injured herself quite as 
 
 much as she has injured me. 
 
 I feel certain that nothing else will ever convince her that she 
 made a mistake in treating me as she did. 
 
 It really haunts me night and day, 
 I cannot drive the thing away ; 
 It is like a creeping in my head, 
 It is like a ghost about my bed. 
 
 A little book I've often thought 
 
 That I should like to make, 
 But it always seemed a tedious thing 
 
 For me to undertake. 
 But now a little fairy comes 
 
 To touch me with her wand. 
 It does not seem so difficult 
 
 For me to understand.
 
 A copy of the Poems has been sent to the Queen, and she 
 has been graciously pleased to accept them by sending 
 the following letter : — 
 
 General Sir Henrv A. Ponsonby is commanded by the 
 QUEEN to thank Miss Susannah Fish, for her letter and en- 
 closure of the i8th inst. 
 
 Buckingham Palace, 
 
 23rd July, 1888. 
 
 I thought her gracious Majesty 
 Would like to be amused ; 
 So I thought rd like to let her see 
 How I had been abused. 
 
 For it puzzles all the lawyers — 
 Such a case they've never seen : 
 
 So I plucked up all my courage 
 And sent it to the Queen. 
 
 I knew her Gracious Majesty 
 
 Would very soon decide 
 Whether I had been so very rude, 
 
 Or my faults I'd tried to hide, 
 
 Or, whether, like poor Balaam's Ass 
 I had been allowed to see. 
 
 The Angel of the Lord 
 
 Standing there to comfort me. 
 
 But I knew that it would take a book 
 
 To make her understand. 
 How some of her poor subjects 
 
 Are treated in the land.
 
 And I knew a good Philosopher 
 Would understand my case, 
 
 And I knew a good Philosopher 
 Could put me in my place. 
 
 So it shows Her Gracious Majesty 
 
 Is gifted in that line, 
 For she knows a very painful 
 
 Peculiarity is mine. 
 
 Oh ! lovely, bright Philosopher, 
 Whoever finds thy stone, 
 
 I hope they will in future 
 Have sense to let me alone. 
 
 But, all, who love dull solitude 
 Deserves a case like mine, 
 
 Because we are so strictly charged 
 To let our good works shine. 
 
 So that all men can understand, 
 And give to him the praise, 
 
 Who pities our infirmites 
 
 And loves our childish ways. 
 
 Let your light so shine before men that they may see your 
 good works, and glorify your father, which is in heaven. St. 
 Matthew v. i6.
 
 ASHLEI&H : 
 
 A TALE, FOUNDED ON FACT. 
 
 Now, it happened to be New Year's Day, 1886, when Mr. 
 and Mrs. Geoffrey Brown went from home, to spend the day, 
 and they took all the children with them except the baby, 
 and Mrs. Jones, the charwoman came to nurse it. I had only 
 been a few days engaged, and was strange to the child. Lizzie, 
 the nurse, went for a holiday as well. So, in the afternoon, 
 Mrs. Jones fetched the coachman's wife to tea, and a band of 
 music came into the neighbourhood. The coachman left his 
 work to go watch it, and when it went away he followed it, 
 and he was so long coming back that his wife said she would 
 go find him. I saw the two women exchange looks with each 
 other, and I was not long before I understood what it meant, 
 for Mrs. Johnson soon came back with her husband, so drunk, 
 he could scarcely stand. 
 
 Well, these two women were completely fast what to do, for 
 they said Johnson would be turned away if Mr. and Mrs. 
 Geoffery Brown found it out. Mrs. Johnson cried so bitterly, 
 and asked me not to tell of him, for she said he would be sorry 
 for what he had done when he was sober, and that he wouldn't 
 get like that again. I saw how uncomfortable Mrs. Jones 
 was. She knew she had done wrong to fetch Mrs. Johnson 
 to the house. I said to them that I would not tell anything 
 until I was asked, and then I durst not tell a lie about it, be- 
 cause it wouldn't do any of us any good. Johnson managed 
 to get his work done some way or other, and was able to fetch 
 the Master and Mistress from the station, in the carriage. It 
 seemed that Mrs. Jones uncterstood Mrs. Geoffrey Brown's 
 ways so well, that she saw her manner was strange when she 
 came into the house, as though she was offended at something. 
 I suppose she would think they had found Johnson out, but
 
 9 
 
 they would never think that we knew all about it, or they 
 would have been sure to ask. Mrs. Jones had to come again 
 the next day, as Lizzie was not coming home while afternoon, 
 and she wanted to go home at noon, as it was Saturday, but 
 Mrs. Geoffry Brown could not spare her, for she was going out 
 herseK. She told Mrs. Jones she could go as soon as Lizzie 
 came to mind the children. She had only just gone when the 
 carriage returned, and the Mistress came running into the 
 house to tell the Master that Johnson was drunk. The Master 
 went and turned him away at once, and as I was bringing the 
 things from the carriage, I could hear Johnson crying, and 
 trying to make Mr. Geoffrey Brown believe he was quite sober. 
 It made me think about the day before, how his wife 
 had cried to me, because she was afraid I should tell of him, 
 but I thought I had better not tell any tales if I could do 
 without. I had learnt from Lizzie, the few days I had been, 
 that Mrs. Jones was a great favourite, and Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown didn't ask me anything. I suppose it was because 
 I was strange, and she had left Mrs. Jones in charge of 
 the house. 
 
 Mrs. Geoffrey Brown would never have known that John- 
 son had been drunk on New Year's Day, if Mrs. Jones hadn't 
 betrayed herseK, but she had not got paid for the two days, 
 and when she heard Johnson had got discharged, she durst 
 not fetch the money herself, but sent her daughter for it, and 
 Mrs. Geoffrey Brown said to Polly, why doesn't your mother 
 come for the money herself? So Polly said, if you please 
 ma'am, my mother says that she will never come again. Oh, 
 indeed, Mrs. Geoffrey Brown said, what is that for, and the 
 girl blushed and seemed confused, for I suppose she didn't 
 want to tell how it was. So Mrs. Geoffrey Brown sent the 
 money for one day, and said that Mrs. Jones must fetch the 
 other herself if she wanted it. I expect Mrs. Geoffrey Brown 
 wondered how it was the woman had done like that. So the 
 next day she sent Lizzie to see if she could persuade her to
 
 10 
 
 come to do some cleaning, but Mrs. Jones wouldn't promise 
 that she would, and the next night she sent Polly again to 
 say that she had made up her mind never to come again. 
 
 I thought it was better to say that I knew the reason she 
 refused to come, it was because the Coachman was drunk on 
 New Year's Day, and that she had fetched his wife to the 
 house, and it seemed to me that she was afraid they had 
 found it out, for she knew she had done wrong. 
 
 Well, now, Mrs. Geoffrey Brown said Mrs. Jones 
 told me that it had taken her all her time 
 to watch you. I looked surprised at Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown, and said why did she say that? I did 
 hear her say it had been very quiet, and I thought about 
 Lizzie saying she was a favourite, and could make Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown believe anything. I said to myself, you 
 wicked old woman, to tell such an untruth. But with things 
 happening like this, it caused Mrs. Geoffrey Brown to take a 
 great dislike to me. She stormed at me fearfully, and said 
 every one that came to the house said that I was as bad as the 
 others, for not telling of them as soon as she got home. Yet 
 she never asked me anything, so I had no chance to tell. I 
 tried to reason with her while I was completely worn out. I 
 told her how Mrs. Johnson had cried for fear I should tell, but 
 she would not listen to reason, and it was plain enough to see 
 that Mrs. Jones was afraid I should tell, and so she took good 
 care to get Mrs. Geoffrey Brown against me, with that unkind 
 remark, and that must have been the reason she durst not come 
 to the house again, her conscience accused her. Such silly 
 work as this seemed to destroy all my peace of mind. I 
 had a good cry, and then I felt better. I should soon have 
 forgotten all about it if they had, but they didn't seem to want 
 to forget. Mrs. Geoffrey Brown always had a lot of tales to 
 tell, the Master, I could always tell when she had told a tale, 
 for it caused Mr. Geoffrey Brown to snatch things ont of my 
 hands, in such a strange way, that I stared to see a gentleman
 
 11 
 
 do like that, and I wondered where she got all the tales from, 
 for she would say to me that every one knew how bad I was. 
 I knew she had not referred to any lady I had lived 
 with, and if she had, they could not tell that about me if they 
 spoke the truth, but I knew I had plenty enemies, so I thought 
 I would try to stop at this place, for things were no better 
 wherever I went. I told Lizzie that people were very unkind 
 to me, just because I was a bit conceited, or I should not stop 
 here to be treated like that, but I said I came "vvith good in- 
 tentions of doing well both for myself and other people, and 
 she would say to me I'm sure if Mrs. Geoffrey Brown talked 
 to me as she does to you, I should't stop, and I said what can 
 I do when I'm blamed for other people's faults and I let my 
 spirits down, so much, that my mind began to wander, for I 
 could see I should have no comfort at this place. I was 
 ashamed to tell anyone I should have to leave. I tried to com- 
 fort myself with making some verses, to send to my sister, to 
 let her see what I ha-d to contend Avith. It was preying on 
 me, and I kept repeating these verses to myself, while I got 
 them perfect, for I had no chance to write them out and I did 
 not want to forget them. I was awfully miserable. When I 
 had been five weeks (two of the children were dangerously iU) 
 but still Mrs. Geoffrey Brown was peevish with me. One 
 Sunday night Lizzie brought me such a saucy message from 
 her, that it made me wish that I was away from them aD, 
 but I did not know how to get away with all this sickness in 
 the house. I did not like to be a coward, and leave her. So 
 when I went to bed I sat up to write the verses out, for I 
 thought if they do for nothing else, they will do to put into 
 a book some time, so I left them and went to bed, but I could 
 not fall asleep, I was so miserable. In a while Lizzie came 
 up-stairs, I thought she was in bed. 
 
 She must have heard me and wondered what I was doing, 
 for she went straight to the place where I had been writing. 
 I don't believe she had anything to come for, she slept in
 
 12 
 
 the nursery with the baby, and ought to have been asleep. 
 I believe she was miserable too, for I don't think Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown had sent her with the mesage, she had done it of 
 her own accord. She thought herself something better than 
 a servant. 
 
 I said to myself, oh dear, I can't have a secret now, and I 
 felt ashamed for her to see how I had let my spirits down. At 
 last I got courage to speak to her about them, and said she 
 saw them, but did not read them, so I let her read them, and 
 she said you ought to do something more cheerful than that. 
 I said how can I when I don't feel cheerful, they'll do to put 
 into a book, they put all kind of stuff into books. I have 
 always thought that I should like to make one. 
 
 Mrs. Geoffrey Rrown was rather better for awhile, but it did 
 not last long. She began to show herself dissatisfied with every 
 thing I did, and she always finished up with the drunken 
 coachman. I felt disgusted. I thought it was a sad thing, 
 with all the sickness in the house, that any mother could leave 
 her children entirely to a professed nurse, while she came to 
 quarrel with a refractory servant, for such she made me 
 out to be. 
 
 It was a great mistake, for I hadn't any refractory notions 
 in my head. So I began to be suspicious that someone was 
 doing me an injury very quietly, and who could it be but 
 Lizzie. I had opened my mind too, it made me feel sorry 
 I had told her anything, for she must have told Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown everything I said about people being unkind to me, 
 and she delighted to tease me about it, to excuse herself, for she 
 knew she had said too much to me about her drunken coach- 
 man. 
 
 I felt completely fast, so I had another good cry over it, and 
 the new coachman came in and caught me. He wanted to 
 know what I was blubbering about, so I told him I had never 
 had a bit of peace since I came to the house for not telling about 
 Johnson getting drunk on New Year's Day. He wondered I
 
 13 
 
 could put up with such work. I said I had been tilling Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown that if she would give me my wages I would 
 go at once. 
 
 I would not go without them, and as soon as I mention my 
 wages she always runs away, and she says I'm disrespectful to 
 her, and the master notices it. I said to her what would the 
 master think if he heard her talking to me like that, for I 
 know I have never been disrespectful to her. I will just tell 
 you what I said to her. 
 
 You know that Lizzie has told me all along what a peculiar 
 disposition Mrs. Geoffrey Brown has, so it has made me very 
 careful what I say to her, before the professed nurse came to 
 attend to ^Master Harry. I attended to him sometimes, and 
 he would call for his Ma, in such a pitiful way. He kept 
 saying tell Ma, tell Ma. So I went to tell her, and she was 
 so long before she came. I was afraid he would be out of bed, 
 for the child was delirious, so I said to her in a great 
 hurry. O, Mrs. Geoffrey Brown, do come to the child, and 
 never mind the work, I saw her look at me, and I ran back to 
 him, while she was ready to come herself. I wished all tho 
 work was in Jamacia, for I felt sure it was a peculiarity that 
 ought not to be indulged in at a time like this. 
 
 I suppose she has told the master, some sort of a tale, and 
 he is sure to believe her, but he doesn't say anything to me 
 about it, he only snatches things out of my hands, and grunts 
 at me. I don't like such work, but I suppose I must put up with 
 things at present, while the children are better, that is if they 
 do get better ; for do you know Master Harry is bad, he 
 doesn't know any of us now, and before he went into that 
 state he did nothing but say his prayers, so Lizzie keeps telling 
 me, for I did not hear him. You know it has taken me all 
 my time to pray for myself, lately. You shouldn't laugh at 
 me, perhaps you'll have to pray yourself some day. I don't 
 mean that I've been knelt down all the day, but I have been 
 praying in my heart, that God would open their eyes to see
 
 14 
 
 their own folly. O dear, it is no use talking for you don't 
 understand things like I do, so don't bother. 
 
 " Prayer is the burden of a sigh, 
 
 The falling of a tear : 
 The upward glancing of an eye. 
 
 When none but God is near." 
 
 I saw Mrs. Geoffrey Brown saying her prayers, one morning, 
 so she can't be so very bad, but Lizzie doesn't give her one 
 good word, but I know the reason, its because she owes her a 
 grudge, and I believe she is only peculiar, and I know how to 
 sympathize with her. I am old enough to know. Besides I've 
 a peculiarity and it is bad to bear. I have always wanted 
 to make a book, and the inclination has grown stronger since 
 I came here, it causes everybody to be unkind to me wherever 
 I go, and they try to knock it out of me, because they think 
 it's a peculiarity that I ought not to indulge in. Now, don't 
 you laugh, it's beautiful is my peculiarity. Go about your 
 business, you scornful man, and don't grin at me like a 
 Cheshire cat. 
 
 Directly after the coachman had gone, the Doctor came, and 
 Mrs. Geoffry Brown came to tell me that Master Harry was 
 much worse, and she was crying herself. I really felt sorry 
 for her, and I was surprised, as well, that she would come and 
 speak to me in that humble way, after talking to me as she 
 had done just before, and when she went away, Lizzie came 
 to tell me that she was sure if Mrs. Geoffrey Brown talked to 
 her in that way she should not stop. I thought it was very 
 strange for a young girl like Lizzie to be allowed to come out 
 of the nursery, and leave the baby, while she amused herself in 
 that way, when I suddenly remembered that Lizzie had told 
 me what Mrs. Geoffrey Brown's peculiarity was. I thought I 
 would watch Lizzie's conduct, and see if she was indulging her 
 in it, for I felt both old enough and qualified to judge for my-
 
 15 
 
 self. Lizzie had told me how Mrs. Jones had kept in favour 
 by telling tales. It made me sigh, for I saw where I had 
 missed my way. I knew from other people as well as from 
 Lizzie herself, that her ways had never pleased Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown, before I come, but now everything she did was right, 
 that I began to think she was taking Mrs. Jones' place, for she 
 had been to tell me what Mrs. Geoffry Bro\vn said about me, 
 before she came herself to tell me, so that I was quite prepared 
 for her when she did come. 
 
 I thought she would know Lizzie had been, for they must 
 have been talking about me from what they both said. 
 I didn't like such work, it made me feel saucy, but when Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown looked at me in such a strange manner, it 
 made me feel suspicious, and that was the reason I answered 
 her so rudely, for (I expect she would call it rude to the 
 Master), when I told her to pay me and let me go. But now I have 
 begun to suspect Lizzie of telling tales. I wont be so im- 
 patient, but I will let her please herself what she does, for I 
 am sure she has trouble enough of her own. I felt sorry when 
 I saw her crying, for no one knows how bad it is to have 
 peculiarities of any kind, but those that have them. 
 
 I was beginning to make the best of things, when Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown's sister came to see her, and took the other 
 two children back with her. Before she went she came to 
 blow me up about Johnson, for not telling of him. Lizzie had 
 told me before she came, that she was like a man, and I could 
 not help thinking that she sounded manly, for she stretched 
 herself out and said I'd have turned you all away. 
 
 If made me feel sad, for 1 could not forget that I had to loose 
 my situation, because I had tried to prevent others loosing 
 theirs. I knew from Lizzie that if another girl turned up, 
 that I should have to go anytime, for Lizzie knew everything, 
 but stiU I thought I wouldn't be a coward at a time like this 
 so I let them please themselves what they did. 
 
 Lizzie had told me that Mrs. Geoffrey Brown was so well-
 
 16 
 
 known, that she could not get a servant anywhere, and she 
 had shown me letters that she was sent to post, to go to other 
 towns, to try their luck there. It seemed strange if I could be 
 allowed to stop, while another girl turned up. I couldn't stop 
 altogether, for I had said more than once to Lizzie that I could 
 manage if they would let me. 
 
 I told her what hardships I had gone through, just because 
 I had this peculiar fancy to make a book. It made me think 
 that if she wanted something to tell, why not tell that, for one 
 thing is as good as another to anyone that likes to listen to 
 tales. I know I would not mind what it was, if only I could 
 get something to put into a book I should soon be cured of my 
 peculiarity, and then people would let me alone. It made me 
 sigh again, for I begun to think that instead of speaking a 
 word in my favour. Lizzie was doing me all the harm she 
 could, for she was obliged to keep in favour with Mrs. Jones, 
 or else the woman would tell something about her that she 
 would not like. Lizzie had told me what it was, but it was 
 nothing about Mrs. Geoffrey Brown. Still Lizzie did not 
 want her to know, and she must have been uneasy when she 
 saw Mrs. Geoffrey Brown carry on with me as she did, for she 
 knew she would have it out of me, and I expect she thought if 
 she could make mischief enough to get me sent away, it would 
 be better. 
 
 I was beginning to understand her disposition. I told the 
 coachman I believed it was her that was making mischief, but 
 I know the man always laughed me to scorn, for he seemed to 
 think that there were plenty more places without bothering 
 with that one, but he did not understand things in the light I 
 did. I could see that Mrs. Geoffrey Brown had it in her power 
 to do me a great injury, owing to her peculiar disposition, and 
 my stubborn nature not to yield to her. I knew I was right 
 but I could not convince her, for I was not to blame in any 
 way if she could only have seen it. All these things preyed on 
 my mind, and I wondered if it would be a sin to make a book
 
 17 
 
 about her and Lizzie, for there seemed so much to make of it, 
 and they don't think it a sin to treat me as they do. 
 
 I've been brought up a christian, and thought of the text, 
 *' Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good." 
 
 I have such timid notions. No wonder people laugh at me, 
 if I wern't troubled with these notions, I could make a book 
 directly, for I dare not make a bother, it wouldn't be sacred, it 
 wouldn't indeed, at a time like this, and I heard such a sweet 
 musical voice, and oh ! how lovely it sounded ; whoever can it 
 be talking like that. 
 
 They make books out of verses, I told Lizzie so, but that's 
 not Lizzie's voice for she squeaks like a penny trumpet, and I 
 told Mrs. Geoffrey Brown so one day, but she only laughed, 
 but still I havn't told anyone else, then it said — 
 
 I know without telling how you've spent your time ; how 
 strange, and it said something else. 
 
 You have suffered from many an unkind remark. 
 That makes you go moping about in the dark ; 
 But keep up your spirits, and show all your pluck, 
 And before very long you will meet with good luck. 
 I know I told Lizzie so, it was mean of her to tell Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown, when she had warned me against all her 
 peculiarities, but I can see plainly that I shall have to keep 
 up my spirits, and show all my pluck, if I must live here. 
 
 I do wish I hadn't such timid notions, and I wonder whose 
 lovely voice that is, I do declare I'm as bad as Eve, but I really 
 must find out, and I will, it's the nature of women to be inquisitive, 
 so it doesn't matter, it is all Eve's fault. 
 
 "It might have been a fancy ; or it might have been a dream." 
 I know people do think I have strange fancies, so it it no use 
 bothering. 
 
 But I know I was not dreaming. 
 
 For my eyes were open wide ; 
 And oh, she did look lovely 
 Standing by my side
 
 18 
 
 It was such a treat for anyone to speak kind to me. I've been 
 shamefully knocked about, all because I possess such timid notions, 
 while I felt determined now, that however they treated me I would 
 not let my spirits down again. It does not seem to be my lot to 
 have human sympathy, so I won't bother. I know what the text 
 says — " The children of this world are, in their generation, wiser 
 than the children of light," and IVe heard people say, when you go 
 to Rome you must do as they do. So, I suppose, I am compelled, 
 by the rules of etiquette, to follow suit when they amuse themselves 
 out of me. I must return the compliment, for one good turn de- 
 serves another, but I'm like the cat, I have only one way to run. 
 I have never forgotten the maxim I wrote in my copy book, 
 " Search others for their virtues, and thyself for thy vices." 
 
 It's a splendid idea. 
 
 Sometime afterwards, when the house was beginning to be quiet, 
 I told Lizzie that 1 believed a beautiful fairy had been to see me, 
 just before Master Harry died, when I was so miserable, because 
 everybody was pointing at me with the flnger of scorn, and I told 
 her all the fairy said to me. I had remembered every word, and 
 while I kept gabbling away, all at once Lizzie screamed ont, "Oh, 
 Susie, do mind you don't go right off." What can the girl mean. 
 I thought as soon as ever 1 begin to be cheerful she is frightened 
 of me, so 1 said, don't be frightened Lizzie, this is my natural 
 state. I'm always cheerful and jolly when I'm in it, but things 
 have happened so strange, to me, since I came here, it has made me 
 so miserable. I have seemed to be curled up like a chrysalis, but 
 I havn't to be like that any longer, for that is the fairy's advice, 
 and I intend to take it. 
 
 You shouldn't have told Mrs. Geoffrey Brown that I had done 
 such a foolish trick, you saw how she punished me for it, by 
 making me fetch a solitary pound of tripe, in all that misery, and 
 such a long way too, for every mile is two in winter, so the proverb 
 says, and I'm beginning to think that proverbs are true. I thought 
 you would have known better than tell her any kind of tales, when 
 you knew her disposition so well. I was afraid to let her know
 
 19 
 
 because it was such a foolish trick ; you heard me tell her I was 
 rather lame, and ask her if the coachman couldn't fetch it, and she 
 said no, I wish you to fetch it. I can see that she likes to punish 
 people for their sins. Do you know Lizzie, I was so miserable 
 when you kept bringing all those unpleasant tales from her. You 
 all seemed so cold-hearted towards me, while I kept creeping 
 nearer and nearer to the fire, and forgot all about my shins, for 
 don't you know a fire is a good companionable friend, and I'm 
 so thankful to have a friend of any kind. I do think that I won't 
 do a trick like that any more, for I remember now that I have 
 heard people say that we can be killed with kindness. 
 
 But I could not help thinking it was mean of Lizzie to tell of 
 me, because, one day when she felt poorly, she asked me not to 
 tell of her, and I didn't tell. I believe she thought Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown would send me away if she thought I was poorly, because 
 she made it out that I was not much when I was well, and Lizzie 
 always heard her. She never seemed afraid of insulting me. 
 Sometimes I wondered if she thought I had any nerves at all. 
 
 We kept jogging along, and I tried not to notice her peculiari- 
 ties, for I thought it was natural to her to be peevish, from the way 
 Lizzie talked about her, she was constantly saying, Mrs. GeofiTrey 
 Brown has a temper like her old dad. 80 I durst not do any- 
 thing to provoke her, for 1 knew she could not help being like her 
 father. Once I said to Lizzie, has her father a bad temper ? 
 Lizzie said, well, that girl said so that came for a month, because 
 the old gentleman had scolded the girl that refused to come in 
 Lizzie's place. 
 
 But still, there were times when Mrs. Geoffrey Brown seemed 
 more kindly disposed to me, and I was beginning to think that 
 she would forget all this nonsense in time, and then I could settle 
 down, for she never said anything to me about leaving. It was 
 always Lizzie that reminded me of that, while it made me think 
 there was something mysterious about it. I felt sure I was old 
 enough to watch things and judge for myself. I was used to all 
 kinds of hardships, and I thought if Mrs. Geoffrey Brown liked
 
 20 
 
 to amuse herself in that way, I would let her do so, however great 
 a trouble it was to me to be treated like that. 
 
 Her own trouble must have been greater.. She said \o me 
 sometimes, that the doctor said she Tvas to work. I could not 
 help feeling amused, for I knew the doctor did not mean her to 
 work in that way, for the man would know what was good for the 
 soul as well as the body. I was getting used to this style of living, 
 and I thought it was all moonshine making a book. So I threw 
 it on one side, but things of a peaceful nature were not allowed to 
 last long, both Lizzie and Mrs. Geoffrey Brown seemed fast how 
 to spend their time, as the other children still remained from home. 
 Lizzie had only the baby to mind. 1 could not help thinking as I 
 watched their movemenns, that : — 
 
 " Satan finds some mischief still, 
 For idle hands to do." 
 
 One morning, Mrs. Geoffrey Brown came to me in a strange 
 cross way, when 1 was not aware of her coming at all. She 
 always did come in that strange way, and she begun finding fault 
 again, for she seemed to take a delight in telling me I could do 
 nothing. 
 
 The Master's niece had followed me into the kitchen. I felt 
 ashamed of being spoken to in that strange manner, before a young 
 lady, for Mrs. Geoffrey Brown said if I didn't know how to do 
 things she would teach me. So, I looked at her, and said, you 
 can teach yourself, for 1 am tired of this silly work. She turned 
 round to me, and said, do you know the Master says it v/ouldn't 
 take much to kick you out of the house. Oh indeed, I said, 
 but if you will give me my wages I will go without kicking. Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown replied, if you don't mind what you are doing, you 
 will go without wages. I shall certainly mind I don't go without. 
 
 Mrs. Geoffrey Brown did not like me speaking like that, I could 
 see, for she screwed herself up, and said, but do you know the 
 Master's a Solicitor. Certainly Madam, I do, for it's one of my 
 mercies. 
 
 You need not look at me in that manner, for I know what I'm
 
 21 
 
 talking about, I havn't forgotten what I heard Mrs. Johnson say- 
 about him, on New Year's Day. I noticed that they all liked the 
 Master, and I always feel safe when he is in the house. I don't 
 feel so safe when he goes out, things have got to such a pitch. Oh 
 dear, I said to myself, I wish I durst tell him, but its these timid 
 notions that always stand in my way. I durst not let Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown know I was timid. I remembered the fairy 's- 
 advice, and I felt certain she was only talking like that to frighten 
 me. 
 
 I didn't suppose the Master had said such a thing, if he had,. 
 Mrs. Johnson had certainly made a mistake. I said to Lizzie 
 once, I wonder the Master doesn't look into these things, and- 
 settle us all. She said, oh, the Master knows what she is, I should' 
 have liked to have boxed the girls ears, for speaking like that, it 
 made me think seriously that she was at the root of all the mischief. 
 I remember she told me that she was at the root of everything be- 
 fore I came to Ashleigh. She knows I don't approve of such talk,- 
 in young people, for I had corrected Lizzie more than once for calling 
 the Master the "Boss." I asked her if she thought we were a.]\ 
 Yankees ? She must be afraid I shall tell of her, but I have seen- 
 the evil of tale teUing, and I don't want to be mixed up with their 
 bother, if only they'll let me alone, but they don'tseem as though they 
 would. 
 
 I may as well amuse myself, for I don't want to get low spirited- 
 again, but I'm almost afraid to speak, bother the timid notions, but I 
 don't want to waste my time in that way, it's so childish trying to- 
 frighten people, besides I can see it is all Lizzie's fault, she has found 
 out Mrs. Geoffrey Brown's weakness in listening to tales, and that is 
 the only way she can keep in favour, and I don't want to upset them 
 for they do enjoy themselves, and so will I, how I wished the 
 Master cculd see us, for the next thing I thought of was 
 that Lizzie owed Mrs. Geoffrey Brown a grudge, for they had 
 got on so well together, before I came, and Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brov/n had looked out for another girl in Lizzie's place, 
 and partly engaged her, but some lady that knew Mrs. Geoffrey
 
 22 
 
 Brown, and had gone to school with her, told the girl what a peevish 
 disposition Mrs. Geoffrey Brown had. So the girl would not come. 
 Lizzie got to know all this from the girl that came for a month be- 
 cause these two girls had lived together, and wanted to do so again 
 but circumstances or dispositions would »ot permit. Lizzie had told 
 me this tale many a time, for she wondered what they would have 
 done with her if the girl had come. It was this kind of behaviour 
 that made Lizzie call Mrs. Geoffrey Brown so much the first week 
 I was there. 
 
 I saw that a revengeful spirit ran through all Lizzie's words and 
 actions, and it made me nervous, because I fancied the kind of life I 
 should live with such a girl. I believe she is afraid I shall tell of her, 
 for she has learnt how to manage Mrs. Geoffrey Brown, now Mrs. 
 Jones has left, but she had no chance before, for Mrs. Jones was the 
 favourite. 
 
 It seemed very strange to me that Mrs Geoffrey Brown could not 
 see through it herself, because she knew she had never liked Lizzie's 
 ways before 1 came, but now Lizzie had spied her opportunity to get 
 that influence over her. I suppose she thought it would cause Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown to send me away at once, but instead of sending me 
 away, it caused her to tease me over everything I did I soon found 
 out there was something she wanted to tease out of me, and I be- 
 lieve Lizzie saw I had found it out. Now, I begun to think that 
 Mrs. Geoffrey Brown wanted to serve me the same as she had served 
 Mrs. Jones, when she talked about sending me away without wages, 
 for she will have it that I'm as bad as the others for not telling 
 of them, but I will let her see that I am not a coward for there 
 must be something the woman is afraid of, or else she would fetch 
 her money. 
 
 How could she expect me to tell when she never asked me any 
 thing, it was not a likely thing that I should tell of the man, 
 for he had been six years at the place, and I had only been six days. 
 She surely doesn't think I was inebriated, if I hadn't such timid 
 notions I would ask her, but she tells the Master everything. It is 
 a true saying, "the one that's caught has to pay the penalty" ; aye dear,
 
 23 
 
 what a thing it is to get mixed up like this. I thought I would not 
 tell Lizzie about the last quarrel we had, but I knew she would hear 
 us, for we made such a noise. 
 
 1 thought it would be the way to find out if she had anything to 
 do with it. I tried various ways before, but I could get nothing out 
 of her to do me any good. She always made light of things. I 
 noticed she seemed anxious to talk about this, for she could not 
 rest while she had told me everything. 
 
 Mrs. Geoffrey Brown had told her all about it, so I felt more 
 convinced than ever that she was at the root of it all. I wished 
 I durst have told Mrs. Geoffrey Brown what I was, but I was 
 afraid she wouldn't believe me, so I wrote on the milk slate 
 instead all about the Master kicking me out, I showed it Lizzie 
 for fun, and she sent the master's niece to read it, she did blush, I 
 felt sure she would tell the Master and then we all should be 
 settled. 
 
 We had a few days' peace after all this uproar, and I begun to 
 think that we should settle down, for the Master never showed 
 any signs of kicking me out. It's so beautifully true, " that the 
 wicked are like the troubled sea." One day, Mrs Geoffrey 
 Brown came to torment me over something else, when I was 
 having my dinner, Lizzie had finished her's and gone back to the 
 nursery. I looked at Mrs. Geoffrey Brown with surprise, for she 
 5ays to me, the Master does not agi-ee with servants having the 
 best of everything. I wondered what she meant, for servants 
 don't expect to have the best of everything. They don't expect 
 to have the worst, when they have a proper Master and Mistress. 
 It made me think, she is determined to shake my nerves, but the 
 fairy's advice was ringing in my ears. 
 
 " Keep up your spirits, and show all your pluck. 
 And before very long you will meet with good luck." 
 
 I turned to Mrs. Geoffrey Brown and said, I doubt whether 
 the Master has said such a thing, for everyone gives him a good 
 name, even Lizzie does. Xow, I'll just tell you what she has said 
 to me, more than once, when we have been getting our dinner.
 
 24 
 
 You see Lizzie would like to fare sumptuously every day, like the 
 rich man. She said that Mrs. Jones told her that if the Master 
 knew you gave the servants nothing but suet dumplings for 
 dinner, he wouldn't be pleased, because he wished the servants to 
 have proper dinners. I simply said to the girl I wish we could 
 get suet dumplings. Now^, what can you make out of that, it 
 won't make any kind of a dumpling, it was only a bit of non- 
 sense, and that's what I shine in, and everybody knows it, for 
 we all shine in something, either good, bad, or indifferent. 
 
 It's not my nature to be indifferent about anything, I am 
 always either up to the top, or down to the bottom of the 
 tree, and it isn't a sin to be like that, for the Bible despises luke- 
 warm people. I expect you'll know that, for most ladies do, be- 
 cause it is so nice to be acquainted with the Bible. It's that, 
 that constitutes a lady, more than money does, but I know it is 
 not my place to preach to you, but 1 must, and I will tell you 
 that it's Lizzie that has had everything to say about our poor 
 dinners lately. She said her step-mother had told her that she 
 ought to go somewhere to be pulled down. Mrs. Geoffrey Brown 
 begun about Johnson again. I thought to myself, aye dear, 
 whenever will it end. I do wish she'd taken the man with her, 
 I only wish I'd courage to tell her so, but if she torments me much 
 longer, I will tell her whether she thinks I'm rude or not. I 
 must stand up for myself ; she would persist in saying that I was 
 as bad as the others, for not telling of them. I never could 
 understand what she meant by that. She says Lizzie met 
 Mrs. Jones in the lane, and she said you were as bad as them. 
 I looked at her, and said it's a strange thing if Lizzie talks like 
 that. 
 
 Mrs. Geoffrey Brown would have her own way, by saying 
 that Lizzie had said so. I saAv through the whole affair at once, 
 and I said it is an untruth, the girl is telling you, for she did not 
 meet the woman in the lane, but went to her house on purpose, 
 because the woman had sent a threatening letter to the girl. 
 She thought it was Lizzie that had told you the bad tidings about
 
 25 
 
 her. We all know that it was the washerwoman that had told 
 these tales. I heard her telling Johnson about them, as he stood 
 waiting at the washhouse door, the morning after he was dis- 
 charged. The man was waiting while you came to pay his 
 money. He went to Mrs. Jones' house and told her, and of 
 course she suspected Lizzie at once, because she had a finger 
 in the pie. I learnt that from the washerwoman It had caused 
 the two women to quarrel. 
 
 Let me tell you, that before I came to Ashleigh, Lizzie and 
 Mrs. Jones had planned to run away to some foreign country, for 
 they were tired of living on this side of the Equator. They 
 made up their minds to go to the Antipodes, but when the time 
 drew near for their departure, Lizzie felt that she could not 
 conform to the rules of an emigrant. 
 
 I knew you'd laugh, it's so silly. What does a lady want 
 bothering with her servant s's affairs. I know, if I were a lady, 
 they might all go to the Antipodes for me, for I could amuse 
 myself without them. You see for yourself how it has caused the 
 girl to sin. There's something she's afraid of I know. You 
 don't understand her, she is afraid I shall tell you, but I'm 
 mixed up enough without telling anything. 
 
 I see through it all, the eirl has wrapped herself round you hke 
 a serpent. Mrs. Geoffrey Brown went into the nursery to Lizzie, 
 for I suppose she thought she had got all she could out of me, 
 and I could hear them talking fast. I wondered if she knew 
 the carriage was waiting. I thought I had better remind her, 
 that it had been waiting sometime, and 1 knew that she had to 
 dress. Poor Lizzie was trembling like an aspen leaf, I hoped 
 she would not let the child fall, for I should be sure to be 
 blamed. Mrs. Geoffrey Brown turned round to me, and said 
 it wouldn't take much to have you up for libel. Aye dear, I 
 said you want to frighten me, but I'm not one of the frightened 
 sort, she said no, I don't think you are. I felt sure she was 
 right for I had outgrown all my timid notions, and I did feel 
 thankful. So I reminded her again, that the carriage was
 
 26 
 
 waiting, and she went and got ready. As I walked away I 
 thought whatever can she mean talking about libel, whatever 
 will she say the next, libel indeed I'll give them libel before 
 I've done with them, just see if I don't. If they can't make 
 better use of their time than squander it like that, I'll just 
 show them that I can. Surely Lizzie hasn't told her I am 
 making a book, if che has, there is no wonder at her talking 
 like that. It is the state of the conscience, I'm not half as 
 simple as I look. Lizzie is such a fox, she has a guilty con- 
 science and there is no doubt about it, as the parrot said I 
 should like to describe her feelings. 
 
 Mrs. Geoffrey Brown had not been gone long, when the 
 master came in. I could not help thinking how much better 
 it would have been if he had come rather sooner, while there 
 was some work for a lawyer to do. We cannot have things to 
 our mind even in a lawyer's house. 
 
 The carriage soon came back again, and Lizzie came in high 
 glee to tell me that Mrs. Geoffrey Brown ought to have met 
 the master at a certain time, with the carriage, and because 
 she had not done so, he had come home in a hansom cab. 
 Lizzie loved news of this kind, anything that showed Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown's peculiar disposition pleased her. I suppose 
 she thought it confirmed her statement, how I should liked to 
 have boxed the girls ears. I begun to think it was a dreadful 
 state of things for the house to be always upset like this, 
 because she couldn't forgive me, and she would'nt discharge me 
 either, and I was really only stopping to oblige both her and 
 myself, for she said I was too old for her, but I knew she 
 thought I had kept something from her, because I hadn't told 
 her Johnson was drunk on New Year's Day ; but I was always 
 hoping that the time would come when she would see her own 
 folly. Once I said to Lizzie she means old fashioned, and the 
 girl must have told her what I said. I could see that she 
 delighted to tease me over everything I did, as though I had 
 only been a child. Once she told me that she did not value
 
 27 
 
 my services. I said then why don't you give me my money 
 and let me go. I felt there was something strange about it. 
 I should not have cared anything about going without wages, 
 but I felt sure I should have to go without character, that was 
 the thing that troubled me the most. 
 
 " For he that steals my purse steals trash, but he that takee 
 my good name." 
 
 Aye, dear, I don't know any more, for I have never had chance 
 to learn Shakespeare. I watched Lizzie's conduct very well, but 
 she really was a fox. One day she came to tell me that I musn't 
 sing anymore, neither when the Mistress was in the house, nor 
 when she went out. I said it's a shame I cannot amuse myself 
 with anything. Have you been telling some tales, she said no, 
 but in awhile she came back to say that Mrs. Geoffrey Brown 
 said I might hum. Oh, thank you, Lizzie dear, you are an 
 amiable creature, no doubt the fairy will be coming to tell you 
 the best way to get to be a nursery governess, if she thinks you 
 deserve to be one. I do hope she will teach you to mind your 
 own business, if it is possible, but I'm doubtful, you've had all 
 your own way so long. 
 
 I felt tired of the girl's behaviour, so I thought it would settle 
 them both, if I got the verses printed. One night, after I had 
 been out, I said to Lizzie, if I tell you something you won't tell 
 anyone, will you ? She said no. Well, I am going to have the 
 fairy's advice printed, and then, surely, you will both know how 
 to behave yourselves. Lizzie said : — Well I never thought you 
 would have it printed. Oh ! but its a splendid idea, and I must 
 get her settled, aud then I can live here altogether. You need 
 not pull such a sorrowful face, I shall never be above speaking 
 to you, but if I get to be Cinderella, or the glass slipper, I shall 
 be able to see where I am walking. I will always say to you 
 Lizzie dear ; Lizzie, with all thy sins I love thee still. It's the 
 golden rule. 
 
 And I never should have been a queen. 
 If all thy sins I had not seen.
 
 28 
 
 On the Sunday, 1 could tell, by the Master's manoeuvring at 
 the dinner table, that nothing but suet dumplings for dinner had 
 been talked about, I showed the Master I thought his behaviour 
 an insult. I could see plain enough how things stood. It was 
 Lizzie, a naughty puss, to do anything of the kind, I would have 
 told Mr. and Mrs. Geoffrey Brown anything they w^anted to know 
 if they would have made the girl stand there at the same time. I 
 did not feel willing to have things drawn out of me in that 
 peculiar manner. Lizzie would have had no need to have been 
 a servant at all, if she had been able to agree at home, with her 
 step-mother. It caused her to think herself something better 
 than a servant, she was always boasting of being a nursery 
 governess, but I knew she wasn't qualified to be one ; she would 
 require more manners. It was no use correcting her, for it 
 seemed to make her worse. This silly work made me feel 
 miserable, and I felt myself go into a chrysalis again. 
 
 I should have remained in that state, if the fairy had not 
 come again. I was pleased when I saw her. I seemed to 
 wake up from a dream. I said to Lizzie, now you see I have to 
 make a book. I knew I should be somebody, some day, just 
 fancy. 
 
 Open the gates sky high, 
 
 And let St. George and his bride pass by. 
 
 Wont it be splendid, I shall always be thankful that I ever 
 learnt how to keejD my temper. I have never forgotten that — 
 
 " Gratitude and respect are due to those who instruct us." 
 
 It's a great deal better making a book than doing as Moses 
 did. Moses couldn't talk as fast as I can, and I suppose that 
 makes all the differance. Lizzie kept saying do something more 
 cheerful, it makes you look so white. 
 
 The next day we were both in the tower, and Lizzie says this 
 ought to be your room. I said it has been my room a long 
 time, but I durst not tell anyone I had such a strange fancy.
 
 29 
 
 I always did love solitude, so it seems to me that all old lumber 
 should be together, for I'm just treated like lumber. I will tell 
 you, Lizzie, dear, what I hum : — 
 
 Could we but stand were Moses stood 
 
 And view the landscape o'er, 
 Not Jordon's waves, nor death's cold flood 
 
 Could fright us from the shore. 
 
 Lizzie says, don't talk like that, it sounds like a parson in a 
 pulpit. I said well, wasn't Moses a parson, and a lawyer too. 
 You'll have to learn all those things if you want to be a governess. 
 I learnt all those things of my governess. She was clever for 
 she knew all about Moses. Lizzie wanted to set me a task, 
 I could see. She said make some verses out of this 
 tower. Yes, Lizzie dear, what a dunce I am. I never thought 
 of such a thing, wont it be a big book if it has a tower 
 in. It sounds like the Tower of London, where the Queen's 
 crown is kept. They put all the best things, as well as the 
 worst into towers. 
 
 How must I begin ? If Mrs. Geoffrey Brown knows we are 
 here, dawdling our time away, she'll give us verses. She told 
 me one day to keep the Tower door shut, so let's pretend we 
 are down stairs. I'm the best hand at pretending, and she 
 won't know any better if you don't tell her. You seem to be 
 telling everything. I've been pretending to act like a lawyer 
 ever since I came here, and neither of you have found it out. 
 I hope you will some day. 
 
 Vv^e didn't have any unpleasantness at all, that week. I have 
 reason to think that Lizzie had told about the verses, and Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown had resigned herself to her lot. I believe she 
 thought she would have a chance of settling' me, and I felt 
 amused, for it made me think of Burns, how well he could amuse 
 himself with trifling things, why should not I. I must be 
 amused, or I shall get low spirited, and that will never do, So 
 I begun to hum : —
 
 30 
 
 O, wad some power the giftie gi'eus, 
 
 To see oursel's as ithers see us ! 
 
 It wad frae mony a blunder free us, 
 
 And foolish notion : 
 What airs in dress an' gait wade ha'e us 
 And ev'n devotion. 
 
 I felt sure that if Mrs Geoffrey Brown had kept her own posi- 
 tion, and made her servants do the same, she would have been 
 spared this foolish nonsense. I could see that Lizzie was making 
 her believe it was something quite different. She knew she had 
 brought me all the saucy messages that had destroyed my peace 
 of mind. She was trying all kind of stratagems to get me away, 
 before it could be found out. I was surprised that Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown never once thought that the girl was telling all 
 these tales on purpose to make mischief. I knew that her con- 
 duct was fine fun for the girl, for I knew that she couldn't help 
 having a temper and disposition like her father. I pitied her, 
 for I felt I was quite as unfortunate as herself in every respect. 
 I wished many a time that the children had been at home, and 
 then Lizzie would have been more suitably employed. 
 
 Things of a pleasant nature did not last long. The beginning of 
 the next week, Mrs. Geoffrey Brown came fussing to me, as soon as 
 the Master had gone to business, and said, you will have to put steam 
 on to-day. I couldn't help looking at her, for I was going to clean 
 the drawing room fire grate. I preferred to be without the steam, 
 but I soon saw that she was bent on teasing me. The Master's pro- 
 fession was ringing in my ears, so I felt I had better let her have all 
 her own way. It might take other lawyers to settle us, our tempers 
 and dispositions were so much alike. I went and cleaned the grate 
 in a good humour, and I know it was beautiful, when I came away 
 she passed some remark about it. I said I'll clean it over again if 
 you like. I fancy she suspected I was watching her conduct, for 
 she said she would go and look, so she went fussing in a great hurry, 
 but she came back rather slower than she went. Lizzie must have 
 heard us, for she made her appearance with the child in her arms.
 
 31 
 
 I couldn't help saying to myself, they'll teach that child to talk like 
 a parrot. I said to Mrs. Geoffrey Brown shall I do it over again ? 
 She said no, I'll make it do this time I saw her and Lizzie ex- 
 change looks with each other. It made me feel ashamed for a young 
 girl to be allowed to stand over me in that manner. I felt all the 
 strength leave me. I whispered to Lizzie, oh dear, I do feel faint, 
 but I don't mind now, for I've got another piece out of her, won't 
 it be a big book, the more pieces I get out of you both, and the 
 weaker I go. I shall soon be like Samson. I shan't have a secret, 
 won't it be jolly, I'm just going to hum : — 
 
 " If I write a book that is fit to be seen, 
 I shall never again have her grates to clean." 
 
 When the coachman came in the next morning, I told him what a 
 grand pantomime we had the day before. I got so excited in the 
 night that I couldn't sleep. I got up to write all about it, I saw him 
 laugh, and he said, wtU you know authors never can sleep. Oh ! 
 can't they, I said, I do wish I had known sooner, for I wouldn't 
 have been one. I'll just tell you, I have learnt from sad experience 
 why they are always poor, and it does make me shiver, it must be 
 because they have timid notions, and it just serves them right. I 
 don't pity them, any more than you do, you scornful man, you 
 needn't grin at me. I have always felt I should be somebody some 
 day, so now I don't care how you laugh, you must be a dunce, or 
 else you might see for yourself how Lizzie is trying to get me sent 
 away. Watch how she is playing her cards. There is no one that 
 can make a trick but herself, not even the Master, for all he's a 
 a Solicitor, as Mrs. Geoffrey Brown said. 
 
 You know I dare not have lived here all this time, if he had not 
 been a solicitor, for that girl is the knave of trumps, and she knows 
 I have the ace in my possession. She doesn't want Mrs. Geoffrey- 
 Brown to know, but 1 just should like her to know, for she couldn't 
 help laughing at herself, if she saw where she made her mistake. I 
 dare not tell you, because it is the Master's prerogative, that is the
 
 32 
 
 reason I'm compelled to be a poor authoress, you needn't laugh, for 
 everybody knows that necessity is the mother of invention. 
 
 ** If I write a book as big as this house 
 I shan't need to creep about like a mouse." 
 
 When the man had gone away, I went into the nursery to Lizzie, 
 and she told me what a curious dream she had, either in the night or 
 else in the morning. I hoped it was not morning, for I've heard 
 people say that morning dreams come true. It made me shiver, for 
 Lizzie said that in her dream Mrs. Geoffrey Brown asked her to do 
 some work that belonged to me. It was very simple, she said the 
 butcher brought a leg of mutton to the house, and Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown said to her, take it into the cellar for Susie. Lizzie says I 
 shant, I didn't come here to be a servant, and I'm going to be a 
 nursery governess when I leave here. Mrs. Geoffrey Brown must 
 have felt provoked at the girl, for she picked up the leg of mutton, 
 and struck Lizzie with it, causing the blood to flow, and Lizzie 
 screamed out, oh ! Mrs. Geoffrey Brown, 1 shall tell my father, 
 and I shall never, no never, forgive you. I fancied that was a day 
 dream, and if the girl did not mind it would soon come true. 1 
 had been taught that — 
 
 " Familiar intercourse lessons respect. 
 
 I hadn't seen much of Mrs. Geoffrey Brown that morning, so 
 I sincerely hoped we were going to have a day of rest, but alas, 
 I was doomed to be disappointed, for she suddenly made her appear- 
 ance just as I was finishing sweeping the stairs down, it seemed to 
 rouse me from some kind of reverie which I must have fallen into 
 (for I was obliged to amuse myself with something) when I heard her 
 saying have you swept your own room, I said no, ma'am, for it doesn't 
 require sweeping, it doesn't indeed. I put the brush and shovel away 
 pretending not to notice that Mrs. Geoffrey Brown was watching me, 
 •when I heard her call out you must go and pick up all the bits, I
 
 33 
 
 looked at her, and said there are no bits to pick up. She said then 
 Lizzie tells a different tale, Aye dear, 1 thought, Lizzie again, so 
 I said why don't you go and look yourself, what has Lizzie to do 
 with it. 
 
 I felt that if I durst have played Hamlet, I could soon have 
 settled them both. I had not got rid of all my timid notions, for I 
 suddenly remembered the text — servants be obedient to them that 
 are your masters, in all things : in all things I said to myself, how 
 sad. But I wondered how I must get past Mrs. Geoffrey Brown, 
 and leave her standing like a sentinel, at the foot of the stairs, when 
 all at once, her own words, do you know the Master's a solicitor, 
 came floating before my eyes, like meteors. How splendid I thought. 
 I have always wanted to see a phenomenon, it couldn't have ctme 
 at a more acceptable time, it really couldn't, it has a splendid mean- 
 ing. If I dont mind what I'm doing I shall be shedding my tears 
 before the master, and then, oh dear, oh dear, it does make me 
 shiver for I shall feel like the Queen of Sheba, when she stood before 
 Solomon. I wont, indeed I wont, but I flew up-stairs, past Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown, saying to myself, its to pick up all my wits. 
 
 For that is all the lumber 
 
 I have strewn about up there ; 
 And I'm uot ashamed to own it 
 
 For I know I've got my share. 
 
 I went to Lizzie to vent my spleen. I said why have you told 
 Mrs. Geoffrey Brown that my bedroom was dirty ? She hung her 
 head on one side, and then she whimpered it seems you tell when you 
 are vexed. I don't know how servants do I said, however they do, 
 they don't be more deceitful than you have been. I have long 
 thought that you were making all the mischief, and now I've found 
 you out, you deceitful wicked girl, you've a bad propensity. It's 
 lucky indeed for you that your master is a solicitor, and perhaps it's 
 lucky for myself. 
 
 I walked away. For he that ruleth his own spirit is mightier
 
 34 
 
 tlian lie that taketh a city I sliant creep about any longer, but oh 
 dear this is quite as bad as the tripe fetching. 
 
 I wonder whatever they'll do the next, indeed I do. But he 
 shall have judgment without mercy that showed no mercy. 
 Vexed indeed, why should the girl be allowed to do like that, 
 however vexed she may be, but she knows Mrs. Geoffrey Brown's 
 human weakness to perfection. She takes advantage, it's a 
 shame, but however, I'm not going to waste my important time, 
 indeed I'm not. Lizzie knows what it all means. I saw her 
 tremble, she knows I could tell plenty tales about her if I liked, 
 but I would rather make a book, for I want to show both of 
 them my wonderful slate, they'll never be quiet while I do, it 
 was foolish of me to blubber when Mrs. Geoffrey Brown told me 
 everybody knew I'd a slate off. She would be pleased if she 
 had one like it. 
 
 And now you've sent me here alone, 
 
 I can make a bit more book. 
 But I must be quick and get it done 
 
 Before Lizzie comes to look. 
 
 I will be quick before Lizzie comes to look, indeed I will 
 for its the first time any one would let me take advantage of 
 them, and it may be the last, so I must make hay while the 
 sun shines. It's a beautiful peculiarity. I think I had better 
 go down stairs, before I fall into another reverie. I don't 
 like rousing in such a peculiar manner, I'm tired of this 
 silly nonsense, so I'll go and tell them my mind, while I 
 have one. 
 
 When I got down stairs I found Mrs. Geoffrey Brown alone 
 in the kitchen, so I said to her, I want to tell you that I don't 
 wish Lizzie to be the medium any longer, if there is anything 
 you want to know I can tell you myself, if only you will con- 
 descend to ask me yourself.
 
 35 
 
 You think that you sent me up stairs to pick up bits, 
 indeed, I would bits you both if I hadn't been brought up 
 a christian, but there is something so beautiful about 
 Christianity that I don't wish to defile myself, you see 
 for yourself what religion can do, we have all been mercifully 
 preserved. I shall always feel thankful when I think of this 
 days performance that you reminded me of the master's 
 profession. I've counted my mercies and weighed my words 
 more since I came here than I ever did before, indeed I never 
 had sense to do so for everybody tells me I talk too fast, but I 
 want to confess that I've reversed the order of the liturgy, 
 just a trifle, but it doesn't prick yet, indeed it doesn't, you 
 needn't laugh, but I've been laughing and crying both together, 
 it's the sign of a rainbow instead of picking up bits, I've been 
 picking up wits to make into a book, you needn't pretend to 
 look surprised for you know what I mean. Lizzie knows all 
 about it, and I can see that she tells you something or else you 
 wouldn't talk to me as you do. You don't understand her like 
 I do, and nothing but a book can make you understand, for you 
 know very well that you've encouraged the girl, this time in a 
 naughty trick just because I told of her the other day. You 
 ought to have known better, if the girl didn't. I've known a 
 long time that you were trying to tease something out of me, 
 but I couldn't tell what it was. I knew the girl didn't want 
 jou to know that tale about her, and tortures should never 
 have drawn it out of me if she hadn't proved herself so deceitful, 
 but, indeed you have tortured my mind. 
 
 When you told me I was too old for you, I said to Lizzie 
 that I should have to try to do something else. If I were too 
 old for you, I should be for any one else, and I remembered 
 that I always had a fancy to make a book. You needn't pull 
 a face, oh dear you must think it's about you, but I'll just tell 
 you it isn't a sin to make a book out of you and Lizzie. I've 
 inquired within, and it is not a sin
 
 3e 
 
 If I write a book as big as this hill, 
 
 I sliall never again have your flags to swill. 
 
 I told Lizzie that people had been unkind to me, just because 
 I had this curious fancy, and she must have told you and you 
 thought to frighten me by telling me that everybody knew I'd 
 a slate off. You should have taken the hint when I wrote the 
 verses on the slate, and been kind to me that was all I required 
 from you. I did say to you once that if other people hadn't 
 been kind to me you hadn't made up for it. You said no, and 
 I never shall do, it did make me shiver. So I thought I would 
 let you see what it was when I brought the printed verses to 
 you. You wern't at all surprised, I said to myself, as I walked 
 away. Now for the transformation scene, I wonder what I shall 
 turn into this time. I 'm tired of being a chrysalis, so I think 
 
 I'll be a butterfly 
 
 Born in a bower. 
 Cradled in a teapot, 
 
 And dead in half-an-hour. 
 
 I don't suppose my joys will last any longer. In awhile 1 
 heard the room door open, and 1 expected you were coming ta 
 me, but instead of that you went into the nursery to Lizzie,, 
 and you were as quiet as two mice ever could be. I thought 
 she is disappointed for I heard nothing more about it that 
 night, but the next morning when 1 gave the master the news- 
 paper he snatched it out of my hand, and never spoke, but 
 I've heard people say that lawyers don't talk much. I was 
 beginning to feel tired of such a solitary life, so in the evening, 
 I took the liberty to ask you what you thought to the Fairy's 
 advice, you said, I don't know what to think, but I saw you 
 bite your lips. It was most distressing to hear you continually 
 saying to me you're as bad as the others for not telling of them, 
 and I suspected what you meant but I never had chance to tell,
 
 37 
 
 for you never asked me anything after that eventful night 
 when the girl came to say that her mother would never come 
 again. I was only acting on the principle that " when ignorance 
 is bliss 'tis folly to be wise." Xow Johnson and Mrs. Jones is 
 written on my brains like fire. I ha\e never been able to do 
 anything to please you, and it is no use trying any longer I 
 can plainly see, that a worm is at the core, but if you had 
 only let me get my living in that state of life unto which it 
 had pleased God to call me, I should not have roamed about 
 in search of employment. 
 
 I want to tell you that I believe I have found out the real 
 cause of all your unkindness to me, I have wondered sometimes 
 if you thought I had been brought up a heathen, for you have 
 never treated me like a christian since I came into the house. 1 
 am very thankful indeed to tell you that I have been properly 
 trained in religion. 
 
 'Ti- religion that can give 
 
 Sweetest pleasures while we live. 
 
 Let me tell you, if yoa remember after Mrs. Jones sent word 
 that she would never come again, you wondered what w^as the 
 cause, I told you all I knew. I really thought that the woman 
 was afraid of you knowdng that Johnson had been drunk, 
 because she had fetched his wdfe to the house. T didn't know 
 what else it could be. 
 
 The morning after New Year's Day, I told you that when I 
 went up stairs for something you and Mrs. Jones were in the 
 nursery, and I overheard you say when once the master's 
 suspicious, that was all I heard, and I thought you had suspected 
 Johnson of being drunk the night before. 
 
 When Mrs. Jones came dow^n stairs I asked her what you 
 meant by the master being suspicious, have they found Johnson 
 out, she said no it's the wine cellar keys that are lost. 1 hope they 
 don't suspect me I said, for I never knew they were lost.
 
 38 
 
 During the forenoon, when we were all three in the kitchen, 
 Mrs. Jones was dusting the chimney piece, when she found the 
 keys there, and put them into your hands, so quietly without 
 showing the least emotion. I wondered how they got there, 
 and I said why the master must have laid them there himself 
 for he had been into the wine cellar a few nights before. You 
 didn't seem to think he had, so I suppose he would leave them in 
 the door, but we all remembered afterwards that Johnson was 
 in the kitchen the same evening, and while he was waiting to see 
 you, he said he would fill all the coal boxes if I liked, and 
 you may be sure I should like. If the man found the keys 
 in the door, and was not able to resist the temptation, I'm 
 not able to tell you, he must know himself, and why don't 
 you ask him 1 I didn't wish to interfere for I knew it was 
 the master's prerogative, but you seemed uneasy and wonder- 
 ed if the keys had been made use of on New Year's Day, and 
 Lizzie heard me tell you, I knew nothing at all about them, 
 and if the others had anything to do with them, they knew 
 very well I had not seen them. Nothing was done with the 
 keys while I remained about. 
 
 I wished in my mind that Mrs. Johnson would go home, 
 for it made it late before I could get the work done. I was 
 obliged to hurry upstairs to get myself made presentable 
 before you came home, I said to Mrs. Jones, when Johnson 
 and his wife go, will you be sure to fasten the door after 
 them. 
 
 I had been shut up in the bath-room sometime, when I 
 heard footsteps on the landing. I called out Mrs. Jones, but 
 no one answered, I thought she had come to see if the child 
 was all right, and I wanted to remind her about the door. 
 I felt that was the part I had to look after, for she ought to 
 have been in the nursery with the child, but her husband came in 
 just as I was going upstairs I thought she wouldn't like to 
 leave him alone in the kitchen. 
 
 When I got down stairs the woman was all alone, and I felt
 
 39 
 
 surprised, I said to her has your husband gone ? she said yes, 
 I told him I could manage by myself, it would be late when Mr. 
 and Mrs. Geofirey Brown came home. I thought she would 
 need his company all the more for that. I never thought to ask 
 the woman if any Arabs had been into the house, or if any had 
 gone out. 
 
 I never thought any more about the keys until the week 
 afterwards. When Lizzie had been to Mrs. Jones' she went 
 to Johnson's house as well, and they must have talked about 
 the keys. She said Mrs. Johnson thought I had been blamed 
 for them. I said to her I know nothing about the keys, and I 
 got so indignant with the girl for daring to speak to me 
 in that impertinent manner, after she had heard me tell you I 
 knew nothing about them. I would have flogged her like a 
 rebellious child if I hadn't valued my own reputation. When 
 my temper had cooled down I thought the girl had spoken in 
 ignorance, not knowing the danger she plunged herself into, if 
 I showed a revengeful spirit, for she didn't want you to know 
 that she had been to their houses, or I should certainly have 
 told you about it at the time. She had told me all about your 
 peevish disposition the first few days I was here. 
 
 Mrs. Jones said on New Year's Day, that if you once took a 
 dislike to anyone you never liked them again. I thought I 
 would spare the girl all this inconvenience, as you had told me 
 I was too old for you. I knew you meant old fashioned, for 
 sometimes I think you must have found out that I understood 
 the depths of a lawyer. I saw that Lizzie didn't, nor the depth 
 of a villain either, but I durst not tell her. I 
 was afraid if I did there would be an uproar, I can call to mind 
 now the time when the Master snatched things out of my hands 
 in such a strange manner. You know how I looked at him. 
 I've seen you watch me. I always told Lizzie how you treated 
 me. I thought she had told me right about your disposition, 
 she said the Geoffrey Browns had a dreadful bad name. 
 Johnson had told her so. I imagined that if I ventured to seek
 
 40 
 
 another situation, you would injure me with your peevish 
 disj^osition. 
 
 You see you didn't know I had all this to struggle with. I've 
 said many a time how true it is, that 
 
 When you got so very bad with me, I fancied what [a 
 wretched life I should have with you. I asked you to liberate 
 me -when my month was up if I didn't suit. You wouldn't do 
 so, and I tried to make the best of things, then the sickness 
 came that seemed to make you more peevish with. me. I 
 wished myself aw^ay, for both your sister and the Master 
 showed themselves peevish to me. I began to think that you 
 didn't all treat me like that, without a reason, so I watched 
 things. I said to the new coachman, many a time, I believed 
 it was Lizzie that was making all the mischief. When I found 
 it out, it happened at such an awkward time, that I couldn't 
 explain things to you. I thought you had trouble enough of 
 your own. The fairy says 
 
 '' There is no one without a cross to bear." 
 
 I didn't notice anything j^eculiar in the Master's conduct until 
 he put the Menu Card upon the table, muttering to himself we 
 will be minus the soup and fish to-day. I said to myself that's 
 another problem, you needn't laugh. I thought they called 
 things like that problems. I could have solved it if you had 
 asked me in a proper way, but I felt rather conceited, it has 
 always been my besetting sin. I feel certain that I'm cured of 
 that propensity now, for I've fallen in my own estimation. I 
 believe I came here to learn a lesson of humility, for 
 He that is down need fear no fall. 
 
 He that is low no pride. 
 He that is humble ever, shall 
 Have God to be his guide.
 
 41 
 
 T came out of the room and told Lizzie what the Master had 
 done. I remember how pleased she looked, but she always did 
 when I told her anything awkward that had been done to me, 
 but I thought she was pleased. I was finding out the pecu- 
 liarities she had told me about, for I never thought anything 
 more about the wine cellar keys until you said the other day 
 that Lizzie had told you that she met Mrs. Jones in the lane. 
 She said I was as bad as them. 
 
 I can't understand what the woman means, for I didn't see 
 them do anything bad. The man was certainly intoxicated, but 
 not out of your wine cellar, for he was sober enough when he 
 followed the band of music. Can't you understand " 'tis music 
 charms the savage breast." It came across my mind like a flash 
 of lightning that Lizzie had told you that tale, the same time 
 that she told me what Mrs. Johnson said, thinking you would 
 send me away without any ceremony, or perhaps without money, 
 and its been agitating your mind all this time, through all the 
 sickness and death. The wine cellar keys must have been 
 floating on the top of everything, and that is the reason you 
 have nearly teased my life out of me. You must have thought 
 I knew and would not tell. You are mistaken. It is as great 
 a mystery to me as it is to you. 
 
 I knew you didn't treat me like that without a reason, and 
 I've worked hard to find out the reason, I've pitied you many 
 a time.. I thought if your body was as weary as my mind, that 
 we were indeed two poor Pilgrims. I shall be pleased when I 
 get to either Palestine or Jerusalem. You see for yourself what 
 the girl has done to both of us. She has dared to try all these 
 stratagems simply to get me sent away in disgrace. I showed 
 her that I was not afraid to live in a lawyer's house, with a 
 sword unsheathed hanging overy my head. 
 
 ; .. ''^ The righteous are as bold as a lion, 
 
 v'. :. But the wicked flee when no man pursuethj*
 
 42 
 
 She has been my evil genius ever since I came into the house. 
 She must have been making the coachman believe something 
 very strange, for the man comes and bows to me, the same as 
 Joseph's brethren did to him. Calls me authoress in such a 
 scornful way. I know he doesn't think I am one, but he thinks 
 I shall soon be in prison, that's just what he thinks. You see 
 what enemies I have. 
 
 Oh can't you dear madam just once pity me, 
 The poor simple authoress of dear Ashleigh. 
 
 Not one of her tricks have punished me like the tripe 
 fetching. I've been able to get some comfort out of them all 
 but that one, and it was such a trick, the girl knew I was not 
 able to walk that long distance, so she came with you to hear 
 what I should say. Owing to your peculiar disposition I durst 
 not show a rebellious spirit,you don't know how it made me shiver 
 as I went limping along the road. I said to myself I'm as un- 
 fortunate as Robinson Crusoe. And I could not help humming : 
 
 I am out of humanity's reach, 
 I must bear all my troubles alone ; 
 
 Never hear one kind word from your lips, 
 I'm afraid now to dwell in your home. 
 
 I don't know whatever I should have done if the fairy had not 
 spoken to me again. 
 
 If the Lord in mercy had not sent 
 
 The fairy unto me, 
 I might have gone as crazy 
 
 As it's possible to be. 
 
 You needn't laugh at me, indeed you needn't laugh. I'm not 
 as simple as you think I am, it wasn't a fairy at all, but a
 
 43 
 
 beautiful angel from heaven, for every one knows that they like 
 children the best in heaven. When she had vanished, your 
 child had vanished too. 
 
 You see no one but God knew how your behaviour was 
 punishing me. I didn't know what kind of a tale to tell my 
 friends when you took such a horrid dislike to me, before you 
 knew my temper and disposition. 
 
 I can see it all now, the girl destroyed your, peace of mind, 
 at the same time she did mine. When she saw what she had 
 done, she tried to get me away from the house before it could 
 be found out. 
 
 I saw you were all afraid that I possessed the symptoms of 
 insanity, and it wasn't in my power to prevent you thinking so. 
 It made me feel anxious to remove all your doubts and fears, by 
 showing you that it was the symptoms of an author that I 
 really did possess. 
 
 Hampton House, 
 
 April 27th, 1887.
 
 44 
 
 This wonderful slate of mine, 
 It comforts me night and day, 
 
 And sometimes I hope in the future 
 'Twill drive all my troubles away. 
 
 THE rOEEST. 
 
 MES. GEOFFREY BROWN, 
 
 Dear Madam, — 
 
 It is now two years since the things happened 
 that caused you to set the cruel report about me that I was 
 crazy. 
 
 When you called me crazy so many times you roused my 
 temper so much that I entirely forgot for the moment that you 
 were the Mistress. I spread myself just like a Peacock, and 
 said to you, how dare you call me crazy, don't you know who I 
 am 1 I forgave you the moment my temper cooled down 
 (because it's my human weakness to do so.) I felt sure that 
 you did not understand which part of your own conduct had 
 sent me crazy, neither did I w^ant you to know. I felt certain 
 that it would be better to let it remain a secret for ever. After 
 I left you and found out how you had told other people. The 
 idea of the thing made me so ill, I could not tell what to do
 
 45 
 
 with myself, so I kept wonderino^ in my mind which would be 
 the best way to tell you. T said to myself it's no u^e, I shall 
 have to make a proper book. They only laugh at bits and I 
 wanted them all to cry, because it is such a painful thing to be 
 crazy, it has taken me all this time. You know how I dawdle, 
 I have tired myself out at last, it makes me look so white and 
 people find out wherever I go that I'm working past my 
 strength. 
 
 I did hope when I came into this Forest to live, that I had 
 got out of the sound of it, but no it has followed me here. 
 Whatever can I do to get rid of it, for it makes me shiver. 
 
 It really haunts me night and day, 
 
 I cannot drive the thing away. 
 It is like a creeping in my head. 
 
 It is like a ghost about my bed. 
 
 The people all want to know what makes me look so white. 
 They aren't satisfied when I tell them it's with studying how 
 to make a book, they say why do you want to make a book. 
 Someone like you, someone like me indeed, see what inquisitive 
 people I have to deal with, but it's all Eve's fault. 
 
 WTiy do I care to make a book, 
 
 That turns my lips so white, 
 Because I've always struggled hard 
 
 To do the thing that's right. 
 
 But now I've got more enemies 
 
 Than I know what to do. 
 So I'm like the poor old woman 
 
 That lived inside a shoe.
 
 46 
 
 So like the poor old woman, 
 
 I would give them broth and bread, 
 
 And I would like to whip them well 
 And send them all to bed. 
 
 But still I thought a little book 
 
 Would settle them the best, 
 So now I'm really hoping 
 
 To get a little rest. 
 
 I do hope to have some rest now, for it has been wearisome 
 work hugging it about with me, and humming the same as the 
 old Dutch women do to their besoms, only the words are rather 
 difierent. I will just tell you them, and you will laugh, 
 because you laugh at everything I do. I did want you to cry, 
 for it does me more good than anything else when I have a 
 good cry. 
 
 Buy a book ma'am, buy a book ma'am, 
 
 Now do not refuse, 
 Because in this world ma'am 
 
 Our lot we can't choose. 
 
 Buy a book ma'am, buy a book ma'am, 
 
 I have book on the brain. 
 But if you'll buy a book ina'am 
 
 It will ease all the pain. 
 
 That's only the chorus. It tells a lot more things, and you 
 won't be cheated indeed you won't, it shows that I never tried 
 to cheat you. I really was your friend if you could have seen 
 it, but you couldn't, for you pushed me from you as though I 
 had been a venomous reptile. You don't know how it makes 
 me shiver whenever I think about it, I try not to think about 
 it, but it's no use, for
 
 47 
 
 It shows that conceit is a terrible weed, 
 And those who possess it must suffer indeed. 
 
 You see we all have a besetting sin, I couldn't help it, it was 
 born in me. I have thrown the book on one side times without 
 number, but I always have to take it up again for we can't 
 help being like our fathers, but its beautiful is my peculiarity, 
 just listen. I'll just tell you how it is. Well it's this way, 
 I have the misfortune to inherit all these things from my^ 
 father, just the same as you inherit your temper and disposition 
 from your father. You see it is not our fault. My father 
 loved books and my uncle too, so I cannot drive the text out of 
 my head, whatever I do. 
 
 " The father's have eaten sour grapes and the children's teeth 
 are set on edge." 
 
 I want to tell you that it would have sounded better if it could have 
 told who put the wine cellar keys upon the kitchen chimney piece. 
 I couldn't get to know any more than you. When things were at 
 the worst, I went to Johnson's house, to see if he could tell about 
 them, and learn why they thought I had been blamed. Instead of 
 giving me any information, he rudely shut the door in my face. You 
 see there are more people rude beside myself, and its through other 
 people's rudeness that I'm compelled to be rude, while I'm looked 
 upon as a Robin Hood. Oh, dear, it makes me shiver, for its com- 
 pletely spoiling my temper and disposition. 
 
 Through Johnson shutting the door in my face so abruptly, and 
 the night being so dark, it caused me to take the wrong road, and 
 you know what a nasty fall I had. I showed the Master's niece 
 how I was bruised, because she slept with me. I disturbed her, 
 for I couldn't help grunting, I suffered such pain, and I might have 
 shown you, and I told you all about it, but it happened at such an 
 awkward time.
 
 4^ 
 
 You remember it was the Sunday night you sent me that painful 
 errand, into the neighbourhood where Johnson lived. I could not 
 think to trouble you with my affairs, then it would have looked as 
 though 1 had no regard neither for the living nor the dead. I tried to 
 persuade myself that providence had sent this bereavement to settle us 
 all. The poor child seemed to be hurried out of the world, and I 
 hoped that in time you would see your own folly for treating me in 
 such a shameful way. 
 
 The tale that Lizzie brought from Mrs. Johnson's that all 
 important night, kept ringing in my ears, she wants to loose it, and 
 then she will have some feeling for other people. How sad to hear 
 people talk like that, and see their words so quickly come to pass. 
 
 It was painful indeed to my sensitive nature, I really pitied you, 
 for I felt it was fun for those wicked people, and I fancied how 
 they would exult over it, for the woman seemed to think that you 
 were hard on her husband. 
 
 I thought the man's sins had found him out. He seemed to have 
 a good many, for something seemed to tell me, that the man must 
 know something about the keys. 
 
 His poor wife had tried to screen him, by telling that she thought 
 I had been blamed for them. 
 
 You see they all knew the Master's weakness as well as 
 yours If once they could make him suspect that I knew F.bout 
 them, it would lift all suspicion off them, and you see how well it 
 has acted. 
 
 That mischievous girl had gone to tell them what she heard 
 you and I talk about. The wine cellar keys, no doubt, she 
 wanted to find out, if Johnson knew anything about them. She 
 saw how anxious you were to find out who put them on the 
 kitchen chimney piece. It seemed to be the only chance she had 
 of finding favour with you, by just taking advantage of your 
 human weakness, whilst she had the opportunity. You see for 
 yourself what havoc she has done. I nearly boxed her ears for 
 meddling. It does make me shiver when I think how nearly 
 you both have ruined me, that's why the girl disliked me.
 
 49 
 
 She must have been afraid I should tell you, so she told me 
 all about your peculiar disposition. I suppose she thought 
 it would frighten me away, but it made me stick closer tc> 
 you, because I knew I had a peculiarity of my own. I learnt 
 what yours was, and saw you indulging in it, I felt sure the time 
 had come for me to indulge in mine. 
 
 I had seen enough of Johnson's revengeful disposition, it made 
 me feel glad to leave him to his own devices, but now I must 
 trust to heaven to protect me from that wicked man. The love 
 of performing some dangerous experiment grew so strong, that 
 I could not resist the temptation any longer, for it was impossible 
 to live you down, you seemed so determined to defy me. Yon 
 took the man back again, and made his wife's words come true, 
 how could I stop with you any longer ? That was a problem I 
 could not solve, and that part of your conduct seemingly pro- 
 voked Mrs. Jones, for I overheard it said (you see I am doomed 
 to over-hear things \ that Mrs. Jones seemed jealous, because 
 you had taken Johnson back again. She said that she knew 
 something about him, and if he did not mind what he was doing 
 she would tell of him. 
 
 I have been hoping ever since that the woman would divulge 
 the secret for I wanted to see if it would benefit my book, but 
 she dawdles. There are more people in the world besides myself 
 that dawdle, and it's through other people's dawdling ways that 
 I'm obliged to dawdle, I'm tired now, so I wont dawdle any 
 longer, indeed I wont. 
 
 " At thirty man suspects himself a fool, he knows it at forty, 
 and at fifty he chides himself, he resolves, and re-resolves, and then 
 dies the same." 
 
 P.S. — It seemed that Johnson had set the report about to 
 excuse himself that you had turned him away, because I had 
 told of him, and I'm considered mean for doing such a thing. 
 You see how easily the man can pop a lie, for you know how 
 you tormented my life because I had not told of him, for no one 
 but God knows all you made me suffer. I am still suffering, for
 
 60 
 
 getting this situation was as painful to me as the tripe fetching, 
 and living in it is just as bad. 
 
 My fellow-servants are anxious to know what sent me crazy ; 
 they delight to tease me, hoping they can tease it out of me, I keep 
 telling them that there is only one way to get to know, because 
 the Master's a solicitor. 
 
 I should enjoy living in this Forest if I could get my mind 
 settled. 
 
 The Mistress is a real Lady, she has no idea what a nice piece 
 of a book I have got out of her Forest Home. It's like a Forest, 
 but it's cultivated, it's grand is that, for it just suits me. 
 
 It's the best fun, my fellow-servants dare not tell her because 
 they know they teased it out of me before I had been a fortnight. 
 You see how I'm fixed, I'm completely fettered when you have 
 all provoked me, while I have no strength for anything else but 
 making a book out of you. 
 
 You try to pursuade me that it is a sin, how can you talk like 
 that. A sin indeed. It would be a sin not to use the gift that 
 God has given to me. Will you all please remember the adage — - 
 crash a worm and see if it won't turn. It seems as though you 
 made the person at the Register Office believe it was libel. She 
 would not look at the verses, but said take it away, take it 
 away, I've heard enough about that. She said you should have 
 come to me and I would have got you another place. I felt it 
 was no use going to her with such a character as that. I was 
 always hoping that the mystery of the keys would be cleared up 
 before I left you, but after I heard her tale I knew it was im- 
 possible, for I saw through it all, then I knew it was that 
 mischievous girl's idle tales that had caused the Master to make 
 such a blunder. So you see for yourself that nothing but a 
 book can make anyone understand, I was always telling the 
 coachman that I believed Lizzie was stuffing you the same as 
 they stuff ducks, but he only laughed at me. You see how I'm 
 treated. One day I got vexed with him for being so disrespect- 
 ful to me. I said to the man it's not one bit of use laughing at
 
 51 
 
 me, for it doesn't comfort me. I tell you that girl is the knave 
 of trumps. vShe's as many ways to run as the fox, and I've only 
 just this one, if this fails oh dear, it makes me shiver. I shall 
 feel like the queen of Sheba did when she stood before Solomon. 
 
 I sincerely hope you will understand that it is necessary for 
 me to know who's the guilty person. Mines a beautiful pecu- 
 liarity, so don't you dawdle, for my life's in jeopardy. 
 
 Xow if you think it needful for me to see a doctor, and should I 
 consult the most eminent physician in the world he could never 
 tind out all I've suffered from that cruel report. I feel ashamed 
 to tell them. They will only laugh at me the same as you did. 
 That doesn't comfort me, indeed it doesn't. How can it ? your 
 own words are still ringing in my ears. Oh you must be crazy, 
 to do such stuff, how can you talk like that when mine's a 
 beautiful peculiarity, nothing Imt a book can make you under- 
 stand. 
 
 Now I'll just tell you once more what a nice lady this i.>. 
 I know you'll laugh, but she's just like the village blacksmith. 
 
 She goes on Sundays to the church 
 
 And sits amongst her boy's ; 
 She also takes her daughter's there 
 
 For that completes her joys : 
 She slyly turns her round to stare 
 To notice if the servant's there. 
 
 And the Master is the nicest man 
 
 Although he's grown so old : 
 But once he was a handsome man, 
 
 And as nimble as his boys, 
 But he's lived the alloted time for men 
 For he's past the age of three score and ten. 
 
 Xow aren't they nice people ? I wish I could have conquered 
 these two. I'm afraid I can't, so I must make the best of 
 things. I feel that my temper won't last out much longer.
 
 52 
 
 There's no telling what I shaU do, but I'll teli you everything 
 that hapi3ens. 
 
 THE LAWYER. 
 
 I know you will call me crazy now, but I could not help it, 
 for the old woman at the Lodge, and the Welsh girl tormented 
 xne so, that I did not know what I was doing. I was alwa^'s 
 wishing I could get my book finished, and then they would let 
 me alone. I went and asked the lawyer if he would catch the 
 villain for me, for I wanted to satisfy everybody's idle curiosity. 
 Oh dear you should have seen what a face he pulled, just like 
 old father Christmas. I was thankful I wasn't one of the 
 frightened sort. Yon should have heard him talk, and you 
 should have seen him walk, you never would forget. I felt as 
 unfortunate as Elijah of old. I fancied I heard the same voice 
 calling. What doest thou here Elijah 1 I felt sure there was 
 some mistake about it. I'll just tell you what I think, he 
 doesn't like the book, for he bundled both me and my book 
 clean out. He would keep calling it stuff. I kept telling him 
 it was no use talking like that, for it was my unhappy fate to 
 liave nothing else but a book. I had always loved solitude. 
 
 O solitude where are the charms, 
 That sages have seen in thy face, 
 
 Better dwell in the midst of alarms. 
 Than reign in this horrible place. 
 
 Now you see for yourself what a natural Crusoe I am. Whatever 
 I do no one will help me to catch the villain. Now isn't it sad I 
 may as well resign myself to my lot and end my tale the same as he 
 did. 
 
 But the seafowl is gone to her nest, 
 The beast is laid down in his lair. 
 You see everything else can have rest 
 But I still to my book must repair.
 
 53 
 
 Th'?re's mercy in every place, 
 
 And mercy, encouraging thought 
 Gives even affliction a grace, 
 
 And reconciles man to his lot. 
 
 I knew I should be somebody some-day. I'll tell you what else 
 he said and you will laugh. He said if I bothered him any more 
 he would send a policeman. I know he wanted to frighten me, so 
 I said you can send a policeman as soon as ever you like. I'm not 
 one of the frightened sort. I've book on the brain, and I said that 
 the Forest policeman spoke very kind to me when I told him how 
 you had treated me, he said if I had beeen so very bad vou w ould 
 have been glad to send me away. I said if you do send one, 1 shall 
 put him in my book. So now Mr. Lawyer, I do wish you could 
 have seen him turn his nose up, and say your book indeed, now 
 •wasn't that a compliment — so 1 sa.d 
 
 It shows policemen have kind hearts. 
 
 Or else what should we do, 
 But thev must turn and twist about 
 
 Just the same as you. 
 
 1 believe he thought I was ven,- rude indeed — just the same as you 
 do. I must tell you how I wanted to end my tale, if only he would 
 have listened. It's n^ use talking for all lawyers are alike, so 1 will 
 just tell you myself, and then you will know. 
 
 Go search for Mrs. Geoffrey Brown, 
 
 Go search for her where you will. 
 But bring her to me with all her faults 
 
 And tell her I love her still. 
 
 I do want to tell you that youVe been shamefully dodged. I 
 know that you think I am the artful dodger, if you will only take 
 the trouble to look into things, you will fmd out that you are
 
 54 
 
 mistaken. I must tell you exactly what it was that sent me crazy as 
 you suppose. It was the evening after Lizzie had been to Johnson's 
 house, when the Master come into his tea, it seems I had not set 
 the table properly. I remember feeling troubled all the day for 
 what Lizzie had said the night before, the bell rung, and I went to 
 see what was wanted. The Master said bring me a fork, so I 
 fetched one, and he snatched it from me in such a strange manner. 
 I shall never forget it jerked me so, and said don't you know how 
 to set a table ? I looked him straight in the face, and nearly said 
 why have you done that ? I turned and looked at you, for you stood 
 at the other end of the table, watching him, and then I walked 
 out of the room wondering if that was what they call a problem. 
 If all lawyers do like that, and blame people for what they have 
 never done. Why didn' he try the wisdom of Solomon instead ? 
 So asks my uncle. Mrs. Johnson's words came into my head 
 at once, and I felt sorry that I had been so cross with Lizzie 
 the night before. I wondered how Mrs. Johnson knew 
 I had been blamed, but I never could find out. After 
 that you kept telling me I was rude to you, and the 
 Master noticed it. I suppose he would mean that night when I 
 looked at you both. I dare say you didn't like it, neither did I 
 like treating in that manner. I was only standing up for my- 
 self, what else could I do ? for if I'm not old enough now I never 
 shall be, besides, I have never been treated like that wherever I 
 have lived. 
 
 Ladies and gentlemen have always liked me, it has been my 
 fellow-servants that have done me bad turns, just because my 
 head was older than their 's. 
 
 No wonder I talk like Balaam's poor ass. for I'm too old to be 
 treated like this any longer. 
 
 [ I could not think what possessed you to talk like that, 
 you must have had a reason. I wanted to find out, 
 for I've had a fancy all my life to make some grand discovery, 
 that would startle everybody and cause a sensation, so when I 
 saw you trying to find out why everybody thought I'd a slate off,
 
 55 
 
 I felt it was my duty to embrace this favourable opportunity, by 
 showing you what everybody meant. So now I hope you'll be 
 satisfied, for no one can help what is born in them, for 
 
 All good gifts around us 
 
 Are sent from heaven above ; 
 Then thank the Lord, O, thank the Lord 
 
 For all his love, 
 
 I asked you what you thought of the fairy's advice, you said, 
 I don't know what to think. No wonder you bit your lips, and 
 said say no more about it, for you must have felt dodged. 
 I don't suppose I should have said any more, for I felt dodged 
 too, but I didn't want anyone to know, for I've always been 
 such a conceited thing, and everybody knows. The Master's 
 sister spoke to me in such a scornful manner about libel. 
 
 She even said to me Lshould get that patented if I were you 
 I felt my temper rise, so I said to you which part do you call 
 HbeU 
 
 Have you forgotten what you said to me. I will just re- 
 mind you, these are your own words. Do you know if we had 
 a mind we could send you to prison for five years for putting 
 Ashleigh on. I said then why don't you. You must have 
 thought me very simple, for you said in a most peculiar way. 
 Why do you want to go to prison. Now wasn't that a compli- 
 ment 1 I was just going to say do I want a fiddlestick, can't 
 you see I am trying to get out, but you had flown to tell the 
 Master what I said. I've been wondering ever since, and other 
 people are wondering- how it is that you don't send me. 
 
 The Bible tells us there is a time for everything, so now I feel 
 certain the time has come when everybody closes their door 
 against me, 
 
 Just because I knows a secret. 
 
 You know why I dare not tell ; 
 But while I keep this secret 
 I never shall feel well.
 
 5e 
 
 My friends all tell me that I ought to have told the Master of 
 you, and my brother's wife says she is ashamed of me for having 
 such timid notions. She says 1 ought to have made an example 
 of you for speaking to me in the manner you did, and then you 
 would think better of me. Now isn't that a compliment ? But my 
 imcle says I ought to please myself. 
 
 I like making a book better than a bother ; old people know 
 that we can't help being like our father's, and my uncle knows 
 that my father loved to dive into books, so you see for yourself 
 that both your peculiarity and mine are hereditary in our families. 
 Heirlooms you see. 
 
 We can shake hands any day. Aunt is sorry for me, she does 
 get cross, when we talk about it she says it wasn't lady-like of you 
 to tell me that I had a slate off, you ought to have pitied me 
 instead. I said I was always pitying you, that's why I tried to 
 live you down. 
 
 You'll find out some-day that I have told you right. If I 
 could have lived you down I should have conquered all my 
 'enemiei5, and then bold Robin Hood could have gone to sleep 
 with his fathers until the resurrection. 
 
 There is just one thing more I wish to tell you. You will 
 laugh I know, you thought I loved that wicked man, just because 
 I held my peace, I was studying^ philosophy ; I knew that his 
 "wife was a woman, besides it was dangerous to speak, when the 
 Master was a solicitor, I knew that the law had a many points, 
 but it has only one eye, and let me tell you, that it was the 
 Master I pitied not the man, everybody knows that there is 
 philosophy in everything, even in wheeling a barrow up a hill. 
 
 Will you read this i^roverb — 
 
 *' No married man can do well unless his wife will let him." 
 
 But you think I know nothing. If anyone loved Johnson it 
 was Lizzie, that's why she shuffled his sins on me, you see how 
 the girl has dodged you, she was afraid I should tell you be-
 
 57 
 
 cause I had reproved her for such conduct, but you needn't have 
 spoken to me in the manner you did. 
 
 " Immodest words admit of no defence, 
 For want of decency is want of sense." 
 
 Mine's a beautiful peculiarity. 
 
 " Come now and let us reason together saith the 
 Lord, though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as 
 white as snow, though they be red like crimson, they 
 shall be as wool. — Isaiah 1. 18. v. 
 
 The Foeest, 
 
 February 25th, 1888. 
 
 Saturday evening. 
 
 MR. GEOFFREY BROWX, 
 
 Dear Sir, — I am sending these verses to show you that 
 I am suffering from the same complaint as both you and Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown. I am getting shamefully dodged out of my 
 situation. It is my fellow-servant and the Gardener's wife that 
 are doing me this unkindness, for I know it was all their dodg- 
 ing that caused this lady to give me notice in the peculiar 
 manner she did. She only said that I did not exactly suit 
 them. I understood what that meant. My uncle says that 
 my head is as old as yours. So I took the opportunity, while 
 I had it to ask her if my last Mistress told her I was crazy ? 
 She said no, only simple, wasn't that a compliment. I said to 
 myself, simple indeed. I'll simple you all before I've done vdth. 
 you, what else could I say, and I have served a month's notice 
 better than a week since, but I am stopping to oblige this lady 
 while she gets another girl in my place. 
 
 I should not stop on these conditions (for I feel insulted) but 
 I told this lady when she gave me notice that I should have my
 
 58 
 
 character put right before I took another situation, so it does not 
 matter if I do dawdle now, because I know she'll pay my wages 
 as long as I'm here. I can tell you that she's a proper lady, but 
 she's getting dodged herself for these two are making her believe 
 that I am crazy. They don't tell her what they do to me to 
 make me so. 
 
 This girl is impatient for m.e to be away altogether, she keeps 
 taunting me because I taliv to myself, what else can I do ? and 
 I've told her repeatedly to take no notice of me, I only do it 
 for amusement and she knows that, but it's no use talking 
 to her. I cannot teach her jDhilosophy. This morning I w^as 
 talking as usual, and she heard me, and called out in such a 
 scornful way, telling me to give up. I said I don't hurt you. 
 She said I made her miserable, but I understand that better 
 than she does herself, for I study Philosophy, and shall have to 
 do if I must live at all. Its the state of the conscience, and 
 she went and told this lady that she would not live with me any 
 longer, she would rather sacrifice a month's wages, wasn't that a 
 compliment. So this lady was going to pack me off this after- 
 noon, but I began to cry, and I told her it was the girl's 
 conscience that tormented her, because she had meddled with my 
 affairs. She knew that she had drawn the gardener's wife in 
 as well, that just shows how true it is, " the wicked are like the 
 troubled sea," I begged of this lady to let me stay while I got 
 things settled, either for better or worse, for they all knew I 
 was writing to you. I was compelled to tell them where the 
 report originated. I said it was no disparagement to her but I 
 could not prevail upon her to let me stay. She said if I would 
 promise to keep quiet I could stay while Monday, so I promised 
 I would, and she told the girl she might sleep in another bed- 
 room, if I disturbed her. Now wasn't that a compliment. 
 Believe me 
 
 To remain. 
 
 Your humble servant, 
 
 SUSIE.
 
 59 
 
 P.S. — Now I'll just tell you what I mean by dodging. It 
 seems they all heard this report about me as soon as I got here. 
 This inquisitive girl could not mind her own business, and let the 
 Mistress watch me herself. I suj^pose it was she that heard 
 about it the first and named it to the Gardener's wife. The 
 Gardener's wife told the girl. Vfhen I asked the woman she 
 denied it, or I should have told this lady about it myself. I can 
 tell you there is some strange shuffling w^ork, and they think I 
 have neither sense to hear nor see it. The girl has tormented me 
 shamefully to get to know what sent me crazy. I have more 
 sense left yet than to tell her, for I don't know whether it would 
 be wisdom to do so, that's what I want you to tell me. I can 
 assure you she has tried all kind of dodges without being suc- 
 cessful. She has even gone so far as to suggest Beecham's Pills. 
 
 One night when we were in bed she heard me laughing and 
 talking to myself about these celebrated pills. I'm forced to 
 talk about something or else they would have it out of me, my 
 nerves are g'etting so weak, and she told the Gardener's wife. I 
 was obliged to tell them that I'd been saying to myself that it was 
 my bit of conceit that had done all the mischief, what else 
 could I say? 
 
 They say conceit it cures, 
 
 And they say conceit it kills, 
 And they say they think I ought to try 
 
 To take some Beecham's Pills. 
 
 I'll just tell you what I think, and then you'll know. I feel 
 that I've a pill iDig enough to swallow at present. Well, this did 
 not last long. The mischevious girl found something else to 
 torment me with, she kept reminding me how people had told 
 this lady I could not cook. I could not do this nor I could not do 
 the other. I said, I don't mind what people say about me, it's 
 only peevishness. One time I said to her, that if this lady durst 
 have me in her house with a crazy character, it was no business
 
 60 
 
 of her s. I begun skipping about like a child, and humming for 
 T was obliged to amuse myself. 
 
 I would rather never work at all, 
 
 For I'd rather make a book; 
 And I'd rather live like Daniel 
 
 Than be anybody's cook. 
 
 What else could I say ? At last I got out of patience with her, 
 and I called her a mucklump. Once I said the Queen of 
 Mucklumps. Wasn't that a compliment 1 Its quite true 
 I said if she would only mind her own work, she would 
 would have enough to do without interfering with me. She has 
 been to tell the Superintendent of Police that I called her that 
 grandiloquent name, and he's going to send me a post card, some 
 day. I don't know when. She has even had the audacity to 
 ask me to write a satire suitable for herself, because the 
 Gardener's wife keeps saying to her, yours will be coming next. 
 I believe the old woman doesn't like her piece, so she wants 
 some company. 
 
 I know a little Welsh girl 
 
 That deals in lumps of dirt; 
 And I know this little Welsh girl 
 
 She iust knows how to flirt. 
 
 Then she dared me to sing it to the Milkman, as though it 
 were something to her credit. The man was delighted, he said, 
 how soon will the books be ready. Don't you think that Society 
 like this is quite enough to send anyone crazy. How am I to 
 get out of it unless you'll help me out. Remember the text — 
 
 " To him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it 
 is sin"
 
 61 
 
 You should -vi^atcli young girls, and find out for yourselves 
 whether they are speaking the truth, before you take advantage 
 of another. I come across so many girls that are not afraid to 
 tell untruths, while it makes me watch things. Whatever 
 happens it all gets pushed on to me just because I have got a 
 character like this. The last girl I lived with w^as just the 
 same, and she owned she had this fault, for she once read a letter 
 to me that she had received from her grandmother, reproaching her 
 for this great fault. I said to her, why Topsey, it seems your dear 
 grandmother knows you have this bad habit, why don't you tiy and 
 break yourself of it. Topsey didn't like me talking in that way to 
 her. She said I talked like a parson. 
 
 I'll tell you one trick she did, and when she got caught, she was 
 not afraid of any of the others knowing. She had told an untruth, 
 for they had found her out in many untruths before I went there to live 
 I'll tell you why she didn't want me to know. Topsey 
 knew I was making a book, and her conscience must have 
 accused her. She kept saying to me, shall you put me in your book .'* 
 I said why Topsey, should you like to be there ? She said no. 
 That shows how our conscience torments us when we don't do what's 
 right, for I never thought of making a book out of Topsey any more 
 than I did out of the old woman at the lodge, I'll just tell you this 
 old woman tried her best to make a whole book out of me. Sh# 
 ' did not succeed in making a whole verse when I found out she did 
 not understand a particle of philosophy, I thought I could teach 
 her after I had composed the verses, I did not tell her about them, 
 I waited for a favourable opportunity, and it was not long before 
 it came, for I overheard this lady asking them both what they had 
 done to me, after I had been to see the lawyer. I believe she 
 was uneasay, for real ladies don't like bother with lawyers, and they 
 called me shamefully to her, so I put the verses where the lady 
 could see them, and she brought them back to me, I found out 
 that she understood philosophy, but she didn't know then what a nice 
 piece I had got out of her, but I hoped she would some day, and I
 
 62 
 
 felt sorry to see her getting dodged, and I told her those two 
 women were not her friends. 
 
 The Master heard us talking and wanted to know what it was 
 about, so I said the gardener's wife and the cook had been most 
 unkind to me and he only said oh ! what else could he say ? I 
 saw that he did not understand things. During the day I saw the 
 two women laughing with each other in a most peculiar manner. 
 I knew what it meant, hut I never spoke to them. When the 
 gardener's wife had gone away, 1 said to the cook, I have shown 
 those verses to the Mistress I certainly feel dodged, and just re- 
 member I have seen your manoeuvring this afternoon. The next 
 morning she read the verses to the gardener, and told him what I 
 had done, that only provoked the man to swear at me, 
 and tell me I was as bad as Mary Magdalene, or else worse. What- 
 ever the man said I could not help laughing, for do you kuow I 
 have never laughed properly since before I lived at Ashleigh, so it was 
 quite a treat. 
 
 I'll just tell you what Topsey did to get herself into a book, and 
 then 1 think 1 shall have told enough. It's called Topsey's local 
 paper, the Master was cross about it, but Topsey didn't care. I can 
 assure you that its little better than living in the days of Uncle Tom's 
 Cabin, how can I help shivering. 
 
 March 8th, i888. 
 
 MR. GEOFFREY BROWN. 
 
 Dear Sir, — I went yesterday to see Mrs. Jones, on purpose to ask 
 her if she really did know anything at all about the wine cellar keys. 
 T remembered at the time the things happened that Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown wanted me to go to her house, and see why she wouldn't 
 come anymore. 1 said to Mrs. Geoffrey Brown that I did not 
 know where the woman lived, and I did not want to know, for I 
 felt in my mind that I wouldn't be mixed up. Now that I'm 
 drawn into this scrape, like a fly, into a spider's web, I feel that it 
 is my duty to search while I get to the root of it.
 
 63 
 
 Mrs. Jones tells me that she knows nothing at all about the wine 
 cellar keys, and she has never heard them mentioned since the day- 
 she found them upon the kitchen chimney piece. Isn't that strange ? 
 No wonder I'm crazy, when it's such a profound secret. She says 
 that she heard there was something more than J.)hnson being drunk, 
 but she never knew what it was until I told her. I said then why 
 did you absent yourself in such a strange manner, causing all sus- 
 picion to fall upon me. She did not seem to understand what I 
 meant by that. I said what did you mean by telling Lizzie that I 
 was as bad as you. 
 
 I want to know what way you mean I was bad, she says I don't 
 know, and I never said such a thing about you. That is strange I 
 said, then what did you mean by telling Mrs. Geoffrey Brown that it 
 took you all your time to watch me on New Year's day. She said 
 I never said that either, what was I to watch you for ? I said that's 
 what I want to know. She makes it appear that she knows nothing 
 at all about it. I said did you meet Lizzie in the lane that night, 
 when she had to come to see you on such important business. She 
 said no I knew she didn't meet the girl. I said did you go with 
 Lizzie to Johnson's house that night ? She said no. I thought if 
 you did, you would know if Mrs. Johnson had said she thought I had 
 been blamed for the keys. It really looks doubtful whether the girl 
 has spoken the truth at all. She cannot tell whether that's true or 
 not, she seems to know that Johnson can easily pop a He, and that's 
 all she seems to know. I said well there's something else Mrs. 
 Johnson said according to the girl's statement. She told them how 
 poorly the baby was, for Mrs. Geoffrey Brown made it out that 
 it was through your bad management, on New Year's day, that the 
 child got cold Mrs. Johnson said she ought to loose it, and then 
 she'll know how to feel for other people. Mrs. Jones said I know 
 that is true, for Mrs. Johnson told me herself that she did say so. 
 
 Now do you think that I should like to tell an unfeeling tale like 
 that, when I study philosophy. Though you were a lawyer I know 
 that all men are alike when it comes to a tender point like that. 
 Its a perfect mystery to me that the girl could not tell you and Mrs.
 
 64 
 
 Geoflrey Brown these things herself. Its another mystery that you 
 never suspected the girl of telling untruths. I suppose that's be- 
 cause she made everything sound so veiy plausible, it must be so, or 
 else why did you take the man back ngain without one word of ex- 
 planation ? I felt completely defeated, and was glad to get away 
 from you. I did not want to live with that man any longer. 
 
 Can you blame me nuw for acting in the strange manner that I 
 did ? I had been taught that actions speak louder than words, but a 
 necessary act incurs no blame. 
 
 I would not leave Mrs. Jones until she told her reason for not 
 coming again, and it was because the washerwoman had told Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown that she got drunk sometimes. The woman 
 thought that because you had discharged the man for it, you would 
 discharge her if you knew. She thought she would save all that 
 trouble, that's what caused the two women to quarrel. If you re- 
 member the washerwoman came to you to settle them, but you 
 wouldn't have anything to do with them. That's another reason 
 why I never complained to you, however hard Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown was with me. I had heard Mrs. Johnson say that you 
 would be sure to believe her before anyone else, and how could I 
 doubt it, when I'm so fond of studying philosophy. 
 
 I remain, 
 
 Your humble servant, 
 
 March 9th, 1888. SUSIE. 
 
 Dear Lizzie. — I am writing to tell you what an awkward 
 position I am placed in, through all the idle tales you told 
 about me to Mrs. Geoffrey Brown. 
 
 You know that it has nearly cost me my reason with trying to 
 live it down, but I'm unable to do so, and now I must let your 
 father see for himself what a mischevious girl you are. 
 
 You will be better able to tell him than I am, to write about 
 the mystery of the wine cellar keys, and be sure you tell him 
 correct, you naughty girl.
 
 65 
 
 I went the other day to see Mrs. Jones. She knows nothing 
 about the keys, and she never told you I was as bad as them. I 
 asked her particularly if she did meet you in the lane, that night 
 you went to see her, and she said no. I want your father to see 
 how easily you can pop a lie. Its your infamous lies that have 
 caused me all this trouble, be sure you tell him what you went 
 to see the woman about. I have wished many a time you had 
 been at the Antipodes. Your father will be glad to send you 
 there now, for I've come to the conclusion that its the best place 
 for you You knew as well as I did myself, that I was not able 
 to tell if Johnson had plundered the wine cellar, but I've learnt 
 from Mrs. Jones that you've had to suffer for it all since I came 
 away You see for yourself that it makes your dream come true, 
 I knew it would, that's why I waited patiently. I like phen- 
 omenons. I can't get anything else just now. I can tell you I 
 have had to humble myself since I knew you and Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown. I wonder if you have got to be a Nursery Governess yet, 
 if you have, I sincerely hope you have learnt the hymn : — 
 
 Go thou in life's fair morning, 
 
 Go in the bloom of youth. 
 And buy for thine adorning 
 
 The precious pearl of truth. 
 
 I'll tell you another nice hymn, I have often wondered if you 
 knew it, but you never acted as though you knew hymns of this 
 kind. It was another kind of liims you seemed to study. Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown never found you out. She had enough to do 
 with finding out the mystery of her wine cellar keys 
 
 Almighty God, Thy piercing eye 
 
 Strikes through the shades of night ; 
 
 And our most secret actions lie 
 All open to thy sight.
 
 66 
 
 And let me tell you this. Never take a lawyer's work out of 
 his hands again, if you had let the Master do his own work, it 
 would have spared all this trouble. I can see exactly how he 
 got confounded, and I've pitied him many a time, but it does no 
 good. No human being pity's me. 
 
 It seems that you told Mrs. Jones some strange tales. You ' 
 told her that I had told Mrs. Geoffrey Brown she laid the child 
 on the floor, and left her screaming hours together, you naughty 
 girl. How could you tell an untruth like that, you know that I 
 never told her anything. I do remember telling you that I got 
 impatient with Johnson, for I thought he would never be sober. 
 I could not get my work done quick enough, and I said to Mrs. 
 Jones, oh dear, I shall never have done to-night. 
 
 I gave the man a good shakiug, and if I could get hold of you 
 I would shake you the same. I believe Mrs. Jones felt it was 
 her fault for fetching his wife to the house, so she put the child 
 dpwn on the floor, and Mrs. Johnson followed suit. One of them 
 cleaned the window, and the other washed up the tea things. 
 I cleaned up about the fire, and Mrs. Geoffrey Brown's child kept 
 raising herself up, and laughing at me. I believe the child en- 
 joyed the commotion, but I never remember the child crying once 
 during the day. It seems that you told Mrs. Geoffrey Brown 
 these things yourself, and put a lot more too. 
 
 I remember now, Master Harry saying to me when the baby 
 was so poorly, that if she died, his papa could make Johnson pay 
 for it. I can understand now what he meant. Your idle tales 
 account for it all. The child had no sooner uttered the words 
 than he was snatched away directly, It only made me think of 
 Mrs. Johnson's words, and I could not help but shiver. 
 
 I hoped when I left you that Mrs. Geoffrey Brown would find 
 everything out herself. It seems she has not done so. I know she 
 is not altogether happy in her mind. I'll tell jon what I once 
 dreamed about her. I saw her wandering about in a place 
 all fallen into ruins, she looked quite lonely, I wondered what- 
 ever she wanted there, so I watched to see, and in awhile I saw
 
 67 
 
 the Master make his appearance from the other end of the ruins, 
 and they met each other and went to the place where she had 
 left the child herself, sitting up in bed surrounded with toys, they 
 never appeared to notice me, although I kept close to them. I' 
 wondered whatever they wanted in a place like that. I'm fond [ 
 of finding things out myself. In awhile I heard the Master say, ' 
 it's no use she won't tell you. Wasn't that a strange dream ? 
 I've wondered many a time what it meant, but since I've heard 
 what Mrs. Jones had to say, I fancy I can interpret it. You 
 must have made them believe I knew something about the keys, 
 and would not tell. You always made it appear to me, that it 
 was her peculiar disposition that made her do like that. Can't 
 you see for yourself what a wicked thing you have done. Now 
 just come at once, and acknowledge your faults to Mrs. Greoflfrey 
 Brown and I will forgive you, for I feel certain that you were 
 instigated by those wicked people, they knew you didn't under- 
 stand how servants should treat each other. Can't you see what 
 a novice you have been. 
 
 But I remain, 
 
 Your sincere friend, 
 March 10th, 1888. SUSIE. 
 
 MBS. JOHXSOX, 
 
 I am making bold to ask you, w^hy you told Lizzie you 
 thought I had been blamed for the wine cellar keys ? I feel 
 doomed to have no peace while the mystery is unravelled. I feel 
 certain I'm Jonah, " And the Lord prepared a gourd and made it 
 to come up over Jonah, that it might be a shadow over his head, 
 to deliver him from his grief." Jonah c. 4 v. 6 You 
 have all had the pleasure of seeing what the Lord 
 prepared for me, and saved me from going crazy in 
 reality. Mrs. Geoffrey Brown's behaviour to me was 
 
 most peculiar, because she must have thought I knew something 
 about them and wouldn't tell. It was all through listening to 
 those idle tales. I have been to see Mrs. Jones, and she tells me
 
 6^J 
 
 you have made the remark that Lizzie has suffered for it all since 
 I came away. How can I help thinking that you know some- 
 thing more than you will tell. I have heard that Lizzie left last 
 summer, and Mrs. Geoffrey Brown had told her that 
 she hated the sight of her. Now, wasn't that a compli- 
 ment ? How could you find in your heart to see the 
 girl treated like that, knowing that she had carried the tales 
 for you. I'll just tell you what I think, and then you'll know. 
 I believe that you and Johnson are playing at Ananias and 
 Sopphira, and you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. It looks 
 as though you had never been to school, so it's not much use 
 writing a letter to you, unless you'll take it to Mrs Geoffrey 
 Brown, and let her read it to you if you dare. 
 
 I sincerely hope that if you do know^ anything about the keys 
 that will satisfy Mr. Geoffrey Brown, you will speak out at once. 
 No doubt he will forgive you, you know that you told me your- 
 self he was a kind-hearted man. He wouldn't have a drunken 
 man about the place, that's why I didn't tell of your husband 
 until I was compelled. 
 
 Yours truly, 
 
 March 23rd, 1888. SUSIE. 
 
 I knew it was no use writing to either Mr. or Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown, or, indeed, to any of the others for they would not an- 
 swer, so now — 
 
 I must not be a faint-heart 
 
 With this work I have begun. 
 Or else I know I never shall, 
 
 Have any laurels won. 
 
 I was compelled to do so before I could convince the people 
 that I was not trifling with a lawyer. Everybody wonders how 
 I dare, and I wonder why everybody cannot mind their own 
 business. What does it matter to them if the lawyer allowed me
 
 69 
 
 to trifle with him, why did he not reiDiove me at once, if he 
 thought I was rude to him. I showed him my dignity, but he 
 must have felt that he had made a mistake somew^here. The 
 conscience is a silent monitor, because he would not sjjeak out. 
 I durst not. When the shock was over I could see what was 
 passing in his mind, he wanted to punish Johnson for his faults 
 if he could have found witnesses. 
 
 The man had dodged his Master so many times, while his 
 Master wanted to dodge him. I learnt all this from the tales 
 Lizzie told me about Johnson, and what I heard Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown say as well. 
 
 I have reason now to think that if anyone could have been a 
 witness, she is the only person. I remember that she was in 
 the kitchen, with all the children, that night Johnson 
 filled the coal-boxes. 
 
 If the man found he hadn't an opportunity of plundering the 
 wine-cellar then, he must have saved the keys while he had. I 
 can call to mind now that I saw the door open those few days 
 after the Master had been into it. I wondered how that was, 
 for most people keep the wine-cellar locked up. It was a trick 
 indeed, for the man to do, but he knew that no one else could 
 lock the door without the keys. He was cunning enough to hide 
 them. 
 
 What a conscience for anyone to possess. I scarcely think he 
 has trusted the seciet with anyone but his wife, and the poor 
 woman knows how easily he could wink his sins off, for she over- 
 heard him telling me a lie. I wondered how the man had money 
 to spare to get drunk with. 1 said to him, did that gentleman 
 give you some money this morning, when he went away 1 for he 
 had been staying since the evening. The Master went into the 
 wine-cellar. Johnson said yes, he gave me half-a-crown. I have 
 given my wife half of it. I said you have done right to look 
 after her. I do remember how he winked, but I thought it meant 
 that he ought to spend the other as he liked, and it did not matter 
 to me. I was surprised when his wife told me she had heard
 
 70 
 
 what he said, and she had never seen the money. That's just the 
 reason why I pitied her. 
 
 I soon found out that the woman had enough to contend with, 
 so that if no one but her knows the secret, who could expect the 
 poor woman to tell. I was hoping that the secret Mrs. Jones 
 knew would have been the right one, but no it is something else. 
 I did not ask what it was, for I'm. tired of secrets. Everybody 
 knows that silence gives consent. 
 
 Most peo})le knows that silence 
 
 Very often gives consent ; 
 Then why need I to bother 
 
 I will make myself content. 
 
 For it shows that old King Pharoah 
 
 He never will be dead : 
 But I hope T soon shall cross the sea 
 
 That has always been called red. 
 
 Ani it is quite as absurd as asking for the head of John the 
 Baptist in a charger, and I would rather be a Daniel, than a 
 butcher, but I always knew I should be somebody, some-day. 
 
 Dare to be a Daniel, 
 
 Dare to stand alone ; 
 Dare to have a purpose firm, 
 
 Dare to make it known. 
 
 Now. the old woman at the lodge will be disappointed. She 
 was hoping to have the pleasure of confirming Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown's statement. She knew how rich the Master was, and it 
 would be to her interest to do that, for her husband had faults 
 like Johnson. The man had helped himself to the beer so 
 liberally, that the key had to be taken out of the barrel. I had 
 told them this one fault Johnson possessed, but I durst not men-
 
 71 
 
 tion the wine cellar keys. I had been blamed in such a peculiar 
 manner. 
 
 I always felt that the Geoffrey Brown's intended to send me 
 to prison if I told of them. It caused me to cry bitterly. I 
 felt it was the dead child that prevented me speaking out. I 
 had such frightful dreams about him, when anyone agitated me. 
 I did not like to expose the parents to ridicule, because the child 
 was rather fond of me, but Mrs. Geoffrey Brown didn't know it. 
 That was Lizzie's fault, she did not want her to know, and Lizzie 
 knew that I was fond of the child. 
 
 The old woman said it was not crying, it was howling, and 
 when she wanted someone to howl, she should keep a dog. Once 
 she said we'll have you shut up in a Lunatic Asylum, and the 
 Welsh girl says, I'll court you all if I come. I said you needn't, 
 you've courted plenty. She said yes, quite proudly, it would be 
 better if you'd done so. I said your peculiar behaviour to me 
 prevents me ever being able to do so now, for what man wants a 
 crazy woman, for she would call me idiot and lunatic, and once 
 I remember she called me cracked fool. It did make me shiver. 
 I had always been so conceited. 
 
 I did tell one of the young ladies about it, but she took no 
 notice of me, that was because they all wanted to know what had 
 cracked my brains. The girl could not let me come away with- 
 out insulting me, by telling me how I had been watched about 
 ever since I came to the Forest to live. The day I came away, I 
 said to the Master, I suppose I've been watched about ever since 
 I came here to live ? I noticed that he weighed his words, for 
 he simply said I've not watched you. I said no sir, I don't think 
 you have, it's the others she means. How 1 wished they could 
 all get entangled with the cleverest lawyer in the town, and see 
 if they would act any better. 
 
 I said to the Mistress you'll be sure to find out, some-day, how 
 shamefully that girl has dodged you, for she is a real " Oliver 
 Twist," I've told her so. Oh, if you only would let me stay 
 while I get things settled with Mrs. Geoffrey Brown, I won't
 
 72 
 
 trouble you any more, for I fancied when she knew what it was, 
 she would feel grieved with herself. I told the Master so, but 
 they would not allow me to remain any longer, unless I would 
 have told the secret. 
 
 1 could see what was passing in their minds. They had found 
 out that I liked living in the Forest, and no doubt they thought 
 that was the way to get the secret out of me, by making 
 me leave it against my will. I durst not be so bold, 
 besides, both the Welsh girl and the old woman at the 
 lodge knew I would rather suffer than spoil my book to please 
 them. They both knew what it meant, and they were only doing 
 the same as Lizzie had done with Mrs. Geoffrey Brown, they were 
 making her believe it was something quite different, and she was 
 foolish enough to listen to them. I fe]t it would all come right 
 some day, and she would be in the same predicament as Mrs. 
 Geofirey Brown. I was obliged to leave them to their own de- 
 vices, for I could not settle them. Either the old woman, or the 
 Welsh girl, set the report about the village that the forest people 
 did not like me, because I had been educated out of poor rates, 
 but that was another reason why I was so faithful to my Master 
 and Mistress. I was trained in my childhood to be so. 
 
 If only Mrs. Geoffrey Brown would have been quiet when I 
 wrote the verses on the slate, just to show her what I was, it 
 would have saved all this trouble and inconvenience I saw how 
 vain she was of the Master, because he was a solicitor. I soon 
 told her there were plenty more besides him, when she told me I 
 should go without wages. She did stare, for I know she thought 
 there were none as clever. 
 
 I feel certain that the lawyer, who brought my senses back 
 again, is quite as clever as the one that robbed me of them To 
 think that the first thing I did to try and settle her, was to help 
 to dress her poor child, for the last time, but it seemed to fall to 
 my lot to do so. I felt sure it would reconcile us, besides the 
 Nm-se said it was an honour to wait upon the dead, and some- 
 how or other, I had a fear that Lizzie was making them believe
 
 73 
 
 I wished their child was dead. A day or two before he died, she 
 kept saying, it will soon be over, now Susie, but I fancied the 
 girl was pleased, for she had said to me many a time, that Mrs. 
 Jones said Master Harry was the tell tale. 
 
 Lizzie knew that she was not without faults, and she had made 
 me understand in that short time, that the children knew it too. They 
 had told her they wouldn't have her for their nurse, but they should 
 have another nice servant, like me, and I believe that caused her to be 
 rather jealous. I don't know what else it could be. I remember 
 when we were in the midst of dressing the child, Mrs. Johnson's 
 words came across my mind, she wants to loose it, and then she will 
 have some feeUng for other people. I could not help feeling sorry 
 for Mrs. Geoffrey Brown, and I picked up the child in my arms 
 and said to the Nurse, are you sure he's dead, she looked at me with 
 surprise, and said of course he is you silly, is it the first time that 
 you've waited upon the dead. I said yes. She said I thought so, 
 but you manage better than I did the first time. 
 
 The woman did not know what I had to struggle with. 1 re- 
 member how the Master rolled his eyes on me, the day that the poor 
 child was carried out of the house. I have often wondered what that 
 meant, but now I seem to understand it all, for it was the day after 
 1 had been to Johnson's house. Lizzie wouM know why the man 
 had shut the door in my face, and she would feel afraid. 
 
 I remember how she crouched up to me. as I leaned back in the 
 rocking chair, for I had told her how I had fainted, and I had to 
 ask the people to let me, «t down before I could tell them what I 
 wanted. So when the Master's sister came to see if we should like 
 to take a last look at the ch/ld before the undertaker finished his 
 work I said that I could not get up-stairs, 1 felt so lame, and 
 Lizzie said I don't want to see him any more. 
 
 I remember how the Master's sister looked at us both, she must 
 have thought it very strange, but I believe now, that Lizzie had 
 f^und out then, that she had meddled with things she ought not to 
 have done. I shall always think that was the reason why the 
 Master said he would kick me out of the house when I limped the
 
 74 
 
 second time, for I overheard it said after I was better, that they 
 thought I was going to be Hke Master Harry. He begun with limp- 
 ing, and, no doubt they thought my sins had found me out, and that 
 was the only way they couIq punish me. 
 
 No doubt, Mrs. Geoffrey Brown's sins will find her out some 
 day, and bring her to her proper senses. When she hears the 
 girl's wailing cry, oh ! Mrs. Geoffrey Brown I shall tell my father, 
 and I shall never, no never forgive you. That was Lizzie's re- 
 markable dream. I knew it would come true. 
 
 I'm afraid I shall have to trouble the lawyer again. It seems 
 very little use, for I know he has never had a case like this. 
 That's what makes him so very awkward, but it's a true saying 
 practice makes perfect. How can he ever be perfect in this de- 
 partment, when I'm the first lady lawyer that ever was born. 
 My aunt says it's a great shame that someone as old as me has to 
 be bundled about with gentlemen lawyers, but it is a true saying 
 ■when we try to be our own lawyers, we have fools for our clients. 
 I have been quite as foolish as Samson, for I have told my 
 secret to everybody, and I am quite as weak and helpless as he 
 was. I'm compelled to give it up, for it creates nothing but 
 disturbance in the land. It is very strange, but no one likes 
 putting into books. I do believe they would rather be put into 
 prison. 
 
 I wonder if it would make any difference if I went and told 
 the lawyer I was going to give it up. I do think I have 
 been Balaam's poor ass long enough. I know he thinks I am 
 crazy, but I'll show him that I am not crazy now. I was 
 before, I am forced to confess, but I've got some consolation out 
 of that. Someone as told me that poets and painters have to go 
 crazy before they complete their work. 
 
 It makes me shiver, indeed it does, but I won't mind now. I 
 will try my best to join the Humane Society for the Prevention 
 of Cruelty to Animals. I am one of Her Majesty's unfortunate 
 subjects, and I have been entitled to her protection a many 
 years, because I was educated out of poor-rates. I am entitled
 
 75 
 
 to Her Majesty's Coat of Arms, but I knew I should be some 
 body some day. 
 
 " Mine's a beautiful peculiarity." 
 
 For how should I ever get another situation with a character 
 like this. 
 
 Park House, Halifax, 
 
 August 10th, 1888. 
 Deak Susan. — Yours to hand this morning', and in reply I 
 must tell you I am already supplied with a good cook. So far 
 as I am able to judge at present. I therefore shall not require 
 your services. I shall be pleased if you will fetch, or order to 
 be fetched, the remainder of your goods. 
 
 Yours truly, 
 
 H. A. FLETCHER. 
 
 P.S. — If it had not been for your eccentricity, you would doubt- 
 less have been wdth me now, so unless you alter in that par- 
 ticular, I am afraid you will not have to remain long in any 
 place. Be advised by me to throw this affair, as you call it, to 
 one side, if you don't, I cannot tell what the future will hold for 
 you. 
 
 TT -n 
 
 MR. LAWYER. 
 
 If you don't take this case of mine 
 
 And lawyer like a man 
 I will just transform your coat of arms. 
 
 Now I will do, for I can. 
 
 I will take your pens and papers 
 
 And grind them into books ; 
 For you need not try to frighten me 
 
 With any of your queer looks.
 
 I will take the chairs you sit ujjon, 
 
 And I will take the tables"; 
 And you can stand to watch^me 
 
 While I make them Cains and Abels. 
 
 And I'll make the ground you stand upon m 
 
 Into a stumbling block ; ^ 
 
 Because my heart so hard as grown, 
 It's as hard as any rock. 
 
 You need not think policemen 
 
 Can frighten such as me ; 
 Now don't you talk such nonsense, 
 
 Or I'll quickly let you see. 
 
 For I've lawyered like a woman, 
 
 While I have grown so weak; 
 That I'm just compared to Moses 
 
 For I nearly look as meek. 
 
 So just you take this case of mine 
 
 For it will not you disgrace ; 
 The only thing that it will do 
 
 It will make you pull a face. 
 
 I am not going to be a lawyer any longer, unless I can wear 
 a wig. 
 
 For mine's a beautiful peculiarity, and there's no doubt about 
 it, as the parrot said. 
 
 I will not be a lawyer 
 
 Unless 1 can wear a wig ; 
 For I'd rather be a lady 
 
 And learn to dance a jig.
 
 77 
 
 Or else I'll be the King of trumps, 
 
 And always wear a crown ; 
 Or else I'll be a parson, 
 
 Then I can wear a gown. 
 
 Or else a Bishop's mitre. 
 
 For that would please me well ; 
 And there are lots of other things. 
 
 Too numerous to tell. 
 
 But one thing else I hope to wear, 
 
 And its nothing more or less ; 
 But I hope some day that I shall wear. 
 
 The robe of righteousness. 
 
 For I'll never be the Knave of Trumps, 
 I will choose some other trade ; 
 
 For I'd rather live with Uncle Tom 
 And always be a slave. 
 
 But I think I will be a violet now, for I have grown like St. 
 Paul. I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound, 
 but I suppose it is what all Christians have to learn, sooner or 
 
 later. 
 
 Down in a green and shady bed 
 
 A modest violet grew, 
 It's stalk was bent, it hung its head, 
 
 As if to hide from view. 
 
 And yet it was a lovely flower. 
 
 It's colours bright and fair ; 
 It might have graced some rosey bower, 
 
 Instead of hiding there.
 
 78 
 
 Yet there it was, content to bloom, 
 
 In modest tints arrayed ; 
 And there diffused a sweet perfume 
 
 Within the silent shade. 
 
 Then let me to the valley go 
 
 This pretty flower to see, 
 That I may also learn to grow 
 
 In sweet humility. 
 
 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift 
 you up. — James IV, X. 
 
 It's a splendid idea but we can't help dreaming. 
 
 I dreamt that I dwelt in a rustic old hall 
 Where a wicked old woman did nothing but bawl, 
 And I dreamt that Dame Fortune dwelt there as well, 
 And, oh, what a lovely tale she did tell. 
 
 I thoug'ht in my dream I kept hearing her say, 
 
 You must drive all those timid notions away. 
 
 Then you wont be so useless, and you wont look so old, 
 
 And that wicked old woman wont need to scold. 
 
 And you won't any more need to whimper or weep, 
 And you wont need to talk any more in your sleep ; 
 Now do not be foolish, take heed what I say, 
 Then you won't need to dream any more time away. 
 
 Timid notions, indeed, Dame Fortune is droll 
 She knows I've been hugging my book like a doll. 
 So it seems I'm not able one secret to keep, 
 Not even when I'm in bed fast asleep.
 
 79 
 
 Timid notions, oh dear, why don't you begone, 
 For you always are making me do something wrong ; 
 I am pestered with you both morning and night ; 
 Timid notions, timid notions, why don't you take flight. 
 
 Then I dreamt all my timid notions had flown, 
 And just like a lion as bold I had grown. 
 Policemen and lawyers, and judges as well, 
 Inside of this rustic old hall did dwell. 
 
 What the lawyers and judges consulted about, 
 These rustic policemen tried hard to find out ; 
 But the law}'ers did mumble and the judges did chafi^ 
 And the rustic policemen did nothing but laugh. 
 
 Then I dreamt that I dwelt in a Forest so wild. 
 My only companion was the poor dead child ; 
 He sat in his coffin, and talked all the day 
 But I could not distinguish one word he did say. 
 
 And while I keep dreaming, his mother appears, 
 I notice her eyes are all soddened with tears : 
 Then I grasp both her hands, and cry do let me tell, 
 I only did wish that the child might get well. 
 
 It was mischievous Lizzie that said all amiss, 
 It was mischevous Lizzie that told you all this ; 
 It was mischevous Lizzie, and Johnson as well. 
 And his wife knew exactly what tales best to tell. 
 
 For you see that the woman her husband will screen, 
 Although she's compelled to do what is mean ; 
 But if like a lady you had kept your own place, 
 Then you need not have pulled such a sorro\\-ful face.
 
 80 
 
 iTow the child in his coffin, is fast asleep, 
 And I in my dreams have ceased to weep : 
 And dame fortune has shown me her golden lore, 
 Need anyone want to dream anything more. 
 
 He that climbs higher than he should, 
 Is like to fall lower than he would. 
 
 Breams and prophecies do thus much good : they make a man 
 go on with boldness and courage upon a danger, or a mistress. 
 If he obtains, he attributes much to them ; if he miscarries, he 
 thinks no more of them, or is no more thought of himself. — 
 Selden. 
 
 Words are things of little cost, 
 Quickly spoken, quickly lost ; 
 We forget them, but they stand 
 Witnesses at God's right hand, 
 And a testimony bear, 
 For us, or against us there. 
 
 O, how often ours have been 
 Idle words and words of sin. 
 Words of anger, scorn, or pride, 
 Or deceit, our faults to hide, 
 Envious tales or strife unkind. 
 Leaving bitter thoughts behind. 
 
 Grant us, Lord, from day to day 
 Strength to watch, and grace to pray : 
 May our lips from sin set free
 
 81 
 
 Love to speak and sing of thee, 
 Till in heaven we learn to raise 
 Hymns of everlasting praise- 
 
 Set a watch, Lord, before my mouth ; keep the door of my 
 lips. — Psalm cxli. 3. 
 
 Of aU the grief that harass the distress'd, 
 
 Sure the most bitter is a scornful jest. — Dr. Johnson. 
 
 The ruling passion, be it what it will, 
 
 The ruling passion conquers reason still. — Pope. 
 
 Forgiveness to the injured does belong, 
 
 But they ne'er pardon who have done the wrong. — Deyden. 
 
 Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind, 
 
 The thief doth fear each bush and officer. — Shakespeaee. 
 
 Honour and shame from no condition rise, 
 
 Act well your part, there all the honour lies. — Pope.
 
 82 
 
 Oft the cloud that wraps the present hour, 
 
 Serves but to brighten all our future days. — John Brown. 
 
 " An unkind word falls easily from the tongue, but a coach 
 and six horses cannot bring it back." 
 
 " Courtesy on one side can never last long. 
 
 I shall die if I don't talk. — Reynolds. 
 
 I will a round unvarnished tale deliver. — Shakespeare. 
 
 O this learning ! what a thing it is. — Shakespeare. 
 
 Books cannot always please, however good ; 
 
 Minds are not ever cravinsc for their food. — Crabbb. 
 
 God entrusts to all 
 Talents few or many, 
 
 None so young or small 
 That they have not any. 
 
 Though the great and wise 
 Have a greater number, 
 
 Yet my one I prize 
 
 And it must not slumber.
 
 83 
 
 Little drops of rain 
 
 Bring the springing flowers, 
 And I may attain 
 
 Much by little powers. 
 Every little mite, 
 
 Every little measure, 
 Helps to spread the light 
 
 Helps to swell the treasure. 
 
 God w^ill surely ask 
 
 Ere I enter heaven, 
 Have I done the task 
 
 Which to me was given. 
 God entrusts to all 
 
 Talents few or many ; 
 None so young or small 
 
 That they have not any. 
 
 " And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to 
 another one. — Matthew xxv, 15. 
 
 I wanted a book that was fit to be seen, 
 A beautiful book I could send to the Queen, 
 So I thought I would write out a Bible play, 
 That was the reason I did delay. 
 
 I was always thinking of Balaam's Ass, 
 While the Angel stood there, it could not pass ; 
 But Balaam beat the poor animal well, 
 At length the poor Donkey got courage to telL
 
 84 
 
 The poor animal told a tale so long, 
 Balaam found that he had done wrong ; 
 It made him exclaim if I possibly can, 
 I want to die like the righteous man. 
 
 I want my last end just like his to be, 
 I want some good Angel to minister unto me ; 
 I know that the Lord has made nothing in vain, 
 And I will never beat my poor Donkey again. 
 
 At length I do feel that my courage has come, 
 And I have no need any longer to hum, 
 For I've nothing to fear, so I'm going to sing 
 I've written a book I could send to the King. 
 
 MORAL. 
 
 Whoever would die the righteous death 
 Must not beat his poor Donkey out of breath ; 
 There is a society to prevent 
 The thing which Balaam did invent. 
 
 And when the ass saw the Angel of the Lord, she fell down 
 under Balaam, and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the 
 ass with a staff, and the Lord opened the mouth of the ass and she 
 said unto Balaam what have I done unto thee that thou hast 
 smitten me these three times, and Balaam said unto the ass, be- 
 cause thou hast mocked me, I would there were a sword in mine 
 hand, for now would I kill thee. And the ass said unto Balaam, 
 am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was 
 thine, unto this day was I ever wont to do so unto thee, 
 and he said nay.
 
 85 
 
 Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the 
 Angel of the Lord standing in the way, and his sword drawn in 
 his hand, and he bowed down his head and fell flat on his face. 
 
 And the Angel of the Lord said unto hira, wherefore hast thou 
 smitten thine ass these three times, behold I went out to with- 
 stand thee, because thy way is perverse before me. 
 Numbers zxii, 27 — 32. 
 
 No doubt, Mrs. Greoffrey Brown makes the people believe T 
 am mocking her, that is why they are afraid of me. No doubt 
 she tries to make Mr. Geoffrey Brown believe so too, that is why 
 he laughs me to scorn, for he is compelled to take her part whether 
 he is a solicitor or not. because she has the honour to be his wife. 
 
 " A man's a man for a' that." 
 
 Just the same as Mrs. Johnson is compelled to take that man's 
 part, because he is -her husband. I told Mrs. Geoffrey Brown 
 what the poor woman said. You see what you'll have to come too 
 if you get a husband, and all at once I fancied I had found the 
 philosopher's stone, but Mrs. Geoffrey Brown would not listen to 
 such nonsense, she expects her servants to be more explicit, so I 
 suppose I shall be compelled, by the rules of etiquette, to yield to 
 her whims and fancies, although it is against my stubborn nature 
 to do so. 
 
 When I wrote the last letter to Mr. Geoffrey Brown, I said I am 
 completely tired of being a laughing stock for you all, so I'm going 
 to show you "Its boot on the other leg." 
 
 As the kind-hearted Quaker said, you should be content to laugh 
 up your sleeve the same as I do, and talk to yourself the same as 
 I do, but I'm not going to talk to myself any longer, so I'll just 
 tell you what I say, either the master or the man deserves to 
 turn into a pumpkin, what else could I say, for everyone knows 
 that in the eye of the law a dodged lawyer is not worth a row of 
 
 PINS.
 
 86 
 
 Fear no man and do justice to all. My Uncle says that it's far 
 better to tell what I talk about than frighten people out of their 
 wits, but my brothers say that I ought not to make books out of 
 living people, because it's so dangerous, but my Uncle says it's all 
 nonsense talking like that, we only require more courage that's 
 all, for he must indeed have been a clever villain. I said there is 
 no doubt about it, as the parrot said, and my Uncle says Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown thought, because I was only a servant, and the 
 Master was a solicitor. I had nothing to defend myself with, 
 that was the reason the Angel was sent to tell me what to do. 
 
 He that oppresseth the poor reproacheth his Maker. Prov. 
 xiv. 31. And J told him how Mrs. Geoffrey Brown went hop- 
 ping like little Bum Betty, to tell the person at the Kegister 
 Office, how Mr. Geoffrey Brown laughed at all the letters I sent 
 to him, because, I suppose, they sounded childish, and how the 
 woman would persist in saying, I tell you it is no use writing any 
 more, for you never will get her settled. Oh, indeed, I said, 
 that's it is it, you seem to know everything. I tell you 
 candidly that I am not going to bother anymore. I am going to 
 make a book instead, and my Uncle did laugh, and stroke my 
 head, and he said, it is plain enough to underst and that neither of 
 you can help being like your father. Mine's a beautiful 
 peculiarity. 
 
 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation, for when he is \ 
 tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath pro- i 
 mised to them that love him. — James i, 12. j 
 
 Beset with snares on every hand, 
 In life's uncertain path I stand ; 
 Saviour divine diffuse thy light, 
 To guide my doubting footsteps right.
 
 87 
 
 Incline this roving treacherous heart 
 Great God to choose the better part ; 
 To scorn the trifles of a day, 
 For joys that none can take away. 
 
 Then let the wildest storms arise, 
 
 Let tempests rage through earth and skies 
 
 No fatal shipwreck shall I fear ; 
 
 But all my treasure with me bear. 
 
 If thou my Saviour still be nigh, 
 Cheerful I live and joyful die ; 
 Secure when mortal comforts flee, 
 To find ten thousand worlds in thee. 
 
 " If a man maketh me keep my distance, the comfort is he 
 keepeth his at the same time." — Steele. 
 
 MR. LA^YYER. 
 
 My patience is exhausted, 
 
 There is treachery on the go, 
 I can feel its evil influences 
 
 And it fills my heart with w^oe. 
 I'm tired of all this dawdling. 
 
 For it does put me about, 
 So will you please to settle things 
 
 And let the secret out.
 
 88 
 
 For if Mrs. Jones or Johnson 
 
 Queen's evidence sliould turn, 
 Wh}' then my bit of book you see 
 
 Everyone would spurn ; 
 Or, if Tittle Tattling Lizzie 
 
 Should bethink her to confess 
 Of course my book would suffer 
 
 For its value would be less. 
 
 Or should the Geoffrey Brown's repent, 
 
 Why then I'm overthrown ; 
 And the laziest author I shall be 
 
 That anyone has known. 
 And I've got the grandest preface 
 
 That ever could be seen ; 
 I will tell you all about it, 
 
 I have got it from the Queen. 
 
 I wrote up to Her Majesty ; 
 
 And told her how I stood, 
 I said that I was treated 
 
 Just like a log of wood. 
 And I said I am no better 
 
 Than the dame that lost her shoe, 
 For I am so badly fettered 
 
 That I don't know what to do. 
 
 For I have lost my character 
 
 Because I've been so kind ; 
 And there's something else besides, I said, j 
 
 I have nearly lost my mind ; j 
 
 But neither Mrs. Geoffrey Brown j 
 
 Nor I have done amiss, j 
 
 Because they are our father's sins 
 
 That cleave to us like this.
 
 "My Uncle says we can't help being like our fathers." 
 
 Mine's a beautiful peculiarity 
 
 And I want to tell you (Mr. Lawyer), that this mumbling work 
 doesn't agree with me, it doesn't indeed. So will you please to help 
 me over this dilemma, or else I shall be compelled by the rides of 
 etequette to send a policeman to you. I didn°t mean you had to 
 work problems on me. Aye dear, how stupid. Now just listen, 
 and don't make any more blunders, if you please. Oh dear, I do 
 want it bundling out, it's so dreadfully ugly. I wasn't rude to 
 any one before I knew Mrs Geoffrey Brown, Johnson and company 
 and now I've grown peevish with everybody. But I'll just tell 
 you, Mr. Lawyer. 'Its a deal better making a book than doing 
 as Moses did. So now. 
 
 I will tell you Mr. Lawyer, 
 What I want you now to do, 
 
 For the Queen's a real lady, 
 And a real woman too. 
 
 And I have no need to bother, 
 Now I've met with such a friend, 
 
 So I want this foolish nonsense 
 Bringing to an end. 
 
 People say that you're a Christian, 
 And a very clever man ; 
 
 So I want you, Mr. Lawyer, 
 To help me if you can.
 
 90 
 
 I will tell you, Mr. Lawyer 
 
 What I require most ; 
 Instead of bundling me about, 
 
 Just bundle out the ghost. 
 
 Now I want you, Mr. Lawyer 
 
 To understand my case ; 
 It is nothing but the villain's sins 
 
 That stares me in the face. 
 
 For while he roams about at large, 
 I always shall feel blamed. 
 
 Because you see my character 
 Has got so badly lamed. 
 
 So will you, Mr. Lawyer, 
 Indulge this curious whim; 
 
 Instead of bundling me about 
 Just stamp your feet at him. 
 
 Then Mrs. Geoffrey Brown can laugh, 
 And cry and laugh in vain ; 
 
 I will never let her coachman's sins 
 Frighten me again. 
 
 I've had over many insults 
 
 Thrown into my facef 
 I will never play the fool again 
 
 To save her from disgrace. 
 
 Not while there is a lawyer left 
 Nor while a Queen doth reign ; 
 
 Will I stand such cruel insults 
 To be thrown at me again.
 
 91 
 
 " Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, 
 and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake." 
 
 " Rejoice and be exceeding glad : for great is your reward in 
 heaven : for so persecuted they, the Prophets, which were before 
 you.— St. Matthew, v., 2—12. 
 
 To fret about a little trouble 
 Only makes the trouble double. 
 
 And I just want to tell you this, Mr. Lawyer, for its so beauti- 
 ful. My friends told me I should be the best lady when I got to 
 Ashleigh, but I always knew I should be somebody, some day. 
 
 I'm the poor simple Authoress of dear Ashleigh, 
 Surrounded with enemies, don't you see, 
 No matter which way I may turn round to look 
 I have enemies plenty to fill a big book. 
 
 But its a beautiful peculiarity.
 
 92 
 
 He is a fool who thinks by force or skill 
 
 To turn the current of a woman's will. — Tuke. 
 
 " If a woman thinks she will, she will, depend on it. 
 But, if a woman thinks she won't, she won't, and there's an 
 end on it." 
 
 Such mistress, such man. 
 
 Such master, such man. — Tussek. 
 
 The evil that men do, lives after them ; 
 
 The good is oft interred with their bones. — Shakespeare. 
 
 Before thy undertaking of any design, weigh the glory of the 
 action, with the danger of the attempt, if the glory outweigh the 
 danger, it is cowardice ; to neglect it, if the danger exceed the 
 glory it is rashness to attempt it, if the balance stands poised, let 
 thy own genius cast them. — Quarls. 
 
 " The worth of a thing is what it will bring." 
 
 I
 
 93 
 
 There, now, I am happy since I got rid of the ghost. I do 
 wish I had told the lawyer sooner. People kept telling me I 
 should have to tell him everything. I thought that lawyers knew 
 what we ailed without telling. It shows that they are only men, 
 for I never told the angel anything. That shows that providence 
 watches over us. Aye, dear, how the policeman did laugh vvhen 
 I told him that the Queen knew all about it. I said, where are 
 you going to take me too ? He said nowhere. I knew it was a 
 jjroblem the lawyer had been working on me, instead of the villain. 
 I was vexed, I could have found in my heart to have gone back 
 again and shaken him well, the same as I shook Johnson, but I 
 was afraid it wouldn't be orthodox, but it always pleases someone, 
 for when Mrs. Johnson saw me shaking her husband, she ex- 
 claimed I wish Mrs. Geoffrey Brown would be strict with him. 
 
 The poor woman knew that her reckless husband had got the 
 upper-hand of his Master and Mistress. He was her husband, 
 and if she didn't stand up for him, it was no use her standing up 
 for anyone else. I couldn't get ni}' book right while I caught 
 him, and I couldn't catch him while T got courage to do so. I 
 never should have had courage if the la^^yer hadn't run after me 
 and stamped his feet, and bawled out — get out of here. 
 
 I thought I should be compelled to catch him myself. I told 
 my friends what I had done, they all laughed at me, and said 
 lawyers don't catch villains to put into books, only to put into 
 prisons. I felt sure I had made a blunder, but I should have to 
 make the best of it. I would try if I couldn't work a problem 
 myself, for I remembered the proverb : — 
 
 " What's good for the goose is good for the gander," 
 
 I didn't expect to catch him so easily, it came exactly as Mrs. 
 Jones said when I told her, I was afraid of Johnson 
 killing me if I told all I knew about him. She said you 
 have no need to feel afraid for Johnson is a coward. It 
 gave me courage to write the letter. I knew it was no use
 
 94 
 
 going to his house again. I intended going to see the Geoffrey 
 Browns about it if I hadn't had such a remarkable dream. I 
 thought in my dream that I went to Ashleigh, and played Hamlet 
 with all of them. Johnson and his wife both hung their heads. 
 Mischevious Lizzie was as jealous as ever. When I had told 
 my tale Mr. Geoffrey Brown whispered to Mrs. Geoffrey Brown, 
 we'll make her prove it. I overheard what he said, so I bawled 
 just like the law^yer did, you needn't try to frighten me, for I 
 have been trying all this time to get someone to lawyer for me, 
 but they can't, for I am incorrigible, you both know as well as I do, 
 that all our witnesses are in heaven. That's why you laugh me to 
 scorn. Why don't you learn the text — " Fools make a mock at 
 sin." 
 
 Then I awoke from my dream and tried to console myself with 
 these words : — 
 
 " All places that the eye of heaven visits, are to a wise man 
 ports and happy havens.'' — Shakespeare. 
 
 Johnson had no sooner got the letter than I overheard it said ; 
 " If she will only let us alone, we will let her alone. I fancied the 
 state of his conscience, and I wrote to the lawyer at once, and told 
 him that I had caught the villain. He would do for a book, so 
 I shouldn't require his services. He should have lawyered like 
 a man when he had a chance. 
 
 When I told my uncle that tale he tried his best to laugh, but 
 he couldn't, and my aunt bawled out, I tell you that she isn't a 
 lady nor he isn't a gentleman. 
 
 I had told my aunt that 1 was only pretending to make a book 
 at first, but now I was compelled to do it, for a living. The 
 reason I sent nothing but verses to the Geoffrey Browns, was be- 
 cause I wanted to tell Mrs. Geoffrey Brown one trick of Lizzie's, 
 that was not fit to put into a book, for it was worse than the 
 tripe fetching.
 
 95 
 
 Now, the lawyer will have to tell, or else she will never have 
 to know, because it would spoil my book if I went and told 
 the Eegister Office people myself. My aunt said 
 Mrs. Geoffrey Brown didn't want to be seen in a 
 book, that's why she keeps so quiet. Not one of my rela- 
 tions have timid notions like me. My brother's wife turned her 
 nose up at the book, just like the lawyer. She said if you send 
 verses for ever, the Geoffrey Brown's will never take notice. He's 
 too good a lawyer for that 
 
 I know she thought I was foolish, for she said, if you were to 
 send it to the Queen, perhaps she would condescend to write a 
 jDreface. I sent if for fun, and I told the lawyer so. I said, I 
 shine in fun, and everybody knows it. 
 
 If the Queen laughed, she had sense to laugh up her sleeve. 
 It seems she acts on the principle, when we play we should mind 
 that our fun hurts no one. It's a splendid idea. My brother's 
 wife wasn't content with turning her nose up, she would persist 
 in sapng it wasn't the first book that did authors any good, for 
 they hug it about just like a woman hugs her first child. Go 
 and write another. 
 
 I did think that was a compliment, but my aunt is afraid I 
 shall over-balance my brains, but my uncle doesn't think therein 
 any danger, for he doesn't want me to be ashamed of my 
 genealogy. 
 
 It is a great blessing when our fathers can leave us legacies of 
 any kind. What would have become of me now, everybody 
 thinks I am too old for a servant. They just make that an excuse 
 because of the cruel report that is going about me. 
 
 If only the Forest people and Mrs. Fletcher would have had 
 patience with me while I had got my tale told to the Geoffrey 
 Browns, I should then have been happy. Mr. Fletcher said I 
 must leave because I would not give it up, he says, whatever you 
 do they'll be the master of you. I thought it does not matter for 
 that its the only way to stop them laughing. T told Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown, when I left her, " that I had got as much out of her as
 
 96 
 
 ^he liad out of me, and if I could do no way else, I could liawk. 
 it. You can go and hawk it she replied, I don't mind. I 
 want the Forest people and Mrs. Fletcher to understand the 
 . meaning, so I will begin at the beginning, and try once more if I 
 can get my tale properly told. They will be able to judge for 
 themselves if I haven't had to humble myself since I knew the 
 Geoffrey Browns. 
 
 The Forest Policeman said it would all come out, and more to 
 it if I went to a lawyer. He told the Welsh girl so. That's just what 
 frightened her, I tried to console her, but it was no use. It made 
 me think about Jeremiah, the prophet, and I kept repeating the 
 text, "In Ptama was there a voice heard, lamentation and weeping, 
 and great mourning ; Rachel weeping for her children and would 
 not be comforted, because they are not." 
 
 I said to her, my writing to the Geoffrey Browns wouldn't 
 make any difference to any of them. She said that 
 -fihe knew better, for one of her brothers was learning to be 
 a lawyer. Aye, dear, what a frightful thing the law is. I 
 do think that I have been outlawed long enough. I told the 
 lawyer so before I fetched the manuscript from him. Then 
 I wrote this letter to Mr. Geoffrey Brown. 
 
 Dear Sir. — Seeing that you turn a deaf ear to everything I 
 send you, and while you do so my character will never be cleared, 
 therefore it is my painful duty to call the law to protect me. 
 
 Yours sincerely, 
 
 S. FISH. 
 
 I waited long enough for Mrs. Geoffrey Brown to call her 
 words back. Then I wrote and told the lawyer I had found out 
 that love was of no value unless it was reciprocated. One word 
 from the Geoffrey Browns would have reinstated me, and saved 
 their own reputation. I had worked so hard to save the Master 
 from being exposed. I wondered whatever the other lawyers 
 would think about him. But no doubt they would pity him, the 
 same as 1 did when they found out that it was his wife's fault.
 
 97 
 
 Everyone knows that pity's a kin to love. Even the policeman 
 said go home this minute, and said don't set one lawyer against 
 another. I overheard it said that the Master expressed him- 
 self in this manner. I am tired of hearing Susie's name 
 mentioned, but still they wouldn't discharge me. That's how 
 I found out there was something mysterious about it. I told 
 the lawyer he needn't feel uneasy about me, for I had been brought 
 up amongst Gainsborough lawyers, and educated out of 
 Gainsborough poor rates, it made me equal to any emergency. 
 
 My Uncle says he doesn't think the Forest people despised me, 
 it was the old woman at the lodge that fabricated the tale, to 
 suit her own purpose, for our fathers' tempers and dis- 
 positions can cleave to us wherever we are educated. My Uncle 
 is clever, but, I knew that all the time. I saw when 
 I told the old gentleman where I had been educated, 
 he wiped a big tear out of the corner of one eye, 
 and my Uncle followed suit. Then the old gentleman said, — 
 Well, what pet name can we call you, I said you can call me 
 Susie if you like sir, he said — Well I think that's what it will 
 have to be. The Welsh "irl heard him. I believe she under- 
 stood problems to a certain extent, owing to her brother being a 
 solicitor, for she knew that the old gentleman was only talking 
 like that to get the secret out of me. I suited them well enough 
 while my strength lasted, but after it had all gone into my brains, 
 I was of no earthly use to them, so I was obliged to hum, what 
 else could I do. 
 
 " Like my Grandfather's clock 
 I've got pushed on the shelf," 
 
 No strength left to work any more. 
 All the strength that I had 
 Has flown into my brains, 
 
 And it troubles my enemies sore,
 
 98 
 
 They point night and morn 
 With the finger of scorn, 
 
 For they are not afraid to sneer. 
 But I've stopped sliort, 
 Never to go again 
 
 While mx character's clear. 
 
 After I left tlie forest, I worked so hard to get it cleared, I 
 was expecting the Geojffrey Brown's sending the carriage for me 
 every day, for I felt sure they would be kind to me now I had 
 told them all I knew about the wine-cellar keys. I was doomed 
 to be disappointed again, and it caused my friends where I stayed 
 to be hard with me. I was obliged to try and get another situa- 
 tion if I could without a character, for I was not happy living in 
 that state. 
 
 " Absence of occupation is not rest, — 
 
 A mind quite vacant is a mind distress'd — 
 
 COWPER. 
 
 I was doomed to meet with another disappointment. I went 
 to see the person at the Register-ofiice ; she refused to get me 
 another situation, she said the Forest gentleman had sent word 
 that she ought to have known better than send me there. Well 
 what a compliment I said, whatever must I do ? The woman re- 
 plied, you must leave the 'town. I quickly told her I should 
 please myself. We are free agents in this world. All she had to 
 do was to refer any lady to the Geoffrey Browns. I had told 
 them everything that troubled me. I said it was something 
 about Johnson that had to be kept a secret. I could not tell her. 
 She said, why Johnson will do nothing but laugh at you. I 
 thought there is no doubt about it, as the parrot said, 
 but I knew he would be sure to laugh in the same manner as the 
 Queen did, for he had the pleasure of knowing that he had 
 played the villain beautifully.
 
 99 
 
 At length my patience was exhausted. I said to the woman, 
 I would go somewhere else. She said, very quietly, you can go. 
 I had not always got my situations from her, but I knew Mrs. 
 Greoffrey Brown had told the same tale about me at another place. 
 These people knew that the Geoffrey Brown's had sent a servant 
 to prison, some time before that for forging her character. 
 
 I was beginning to think that they all thought I was forging" 
 mine. I was compelled to try once more, for faint-heart never 
 won fair lady. 
 
 It lighted lucky for me these people hadn't such a good, 
 opinion of Mrs. Geoffrey Brown as the other person had. They 
 knew something was troubling me that I durst not speak about, 
 for I overheard it said they had -passed the remark to someone, 
 what does she want with servants when she doesn't know how ta 
 treat them. I felt providence was watching over me. Xo one 
 could see the angel but myself. 
 
 I was only a few days in getting Mrs. Fletcher's situation. It 
 seems that when she went to the Forest for my character, 
 they told her about my peculiarity. She mentioned it to the 
 people at the Eegister Office. 
 
 I suppose she wanted to hear their opinion of me. They told 
 her they knew about it. Mrs. Geoffrey Brown set the report 
 about me, but she didn't seem to understand it was 
 her that developed my peculiarity. Mrs. Fletcher 
 said, well, she rather liked my looks, and if I did my 
 work she didn't mind how many books I wrote. Her 
 father was a poet. It made me shiver, for I knew I should have 
 more trouble to encounter. I knew I should have to put-up 
 with the inconvenience of them all watching me, just the same as- 
 the Forest people had done. I couldn't help feeling sad, 
 and my spirits begun to droop when I had been about 
 three weeks at Mrs. Fletcher's. I woke up one night in a fright- 
 ful state, I nearly frightened the little housemaid out of her vdts. 
 When I had sufficiently recovered my senses to understand where 
 I was, I said to Kate, don't be frightened, I shan't hurt you. I
 
 100 
 
 have got some trouble on my mind. During the day, when we 
 were talking about it, Kate said to me do you remember what 
 you talked about in the night, I said no. Well, you kept calling 
 out don't bring down my grey hairs with sorrow to the grave 
 and then you said don't laugh at me. For everyone laughs at me. 
 
 I don't think Kate was ever afraid of me again, for when she 
 wanted to enjoy herself she would repeat the words to me. Oh, 
 don't bring down my grey hairs with sorrow to the grave, and 
 don't laugh at me either. I knew it was all innocent fun on the 
 girl's part, so I let her enjoy herself. I knew she didn't under- 
 stand the meaning, and I durst not tell her. I felt, during the 
 day, that the Geoffrey Browns were laughing at me, that was the 
 reason they had not answered my letters. It produced a dream 
 like that I told the Coachman once, how they had laughed at me 
 while I was at Ashleigh. He said well the biggest laughers are 
 considered the biggest fools. 
 
 As time went on, 1 begun to cry both night snd day, while 
 Mrs. Fletcher spoke to me about it. She said she couldn't 
 have Kate made uncomfortable like that with me, because she 
 was only youn^, but that only made me cry more. I remembered 
 the time when I was young and had not sense to take trouble to 
 heart. When I was leaving Mrs. Fletcher, I said to her, you 
 will no doubt be glad to have me back again. She reiDlied, well, 
 we shall see. I said I expect you think I shall have to go to 
 prison. 
 
 I could see what was passing in her mind. They didn't want 
 to be disgraced with me, for everyone seemed to know that Mr. 
 Geoffrey Brown was a clever lawyer. I knew that the best of 
 people were apt to make mistakes. 
 
 Some time after I had sent the Poems to the Geoffrey Brown's 
 I thought I would write Mrs. Fletcher, and see if she would have 
 me back again, for the Geoffrey Browns didn't show any signs of 
 having me up for libel. That's just how I came to know what 
 kind of feeling }ilrs. Fletcher had towards me. I knew then it 
 was no use trying to get another situation. I should be com-
 
 .101 
 
 pelled to take my sister-in-law's advice. I want it handing down 
 to posterity, for it may be the means of saving some other lawyer 
 from a similar fate. I told the lawyer so. What else can I 
 do 1 For I told Mrs. Geoffrey Brown if she told of me I should 
 tell of her. One good turn deserves another. I expect I shall 
 have to be John Bunyan or the Pilgrim's Progress, but I knew I 
 should be somebody someday. I tell you that, " If these should 
 hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out." — St. 
 Luke cxix., 40. 
 
 I love it, I love it, and who shall dare 
 
 The name of Ashleigh from my book to tear ; 
 
 I've treasured it long, as a sainted prize, 
 
 I've bedewed it with tears, and embalmed it with sighs. 
 
 It is bound by many a link to my heart. 
 
 With the name of Ashleigh I never will part. 
 
 W^ould you learn the reason I love it so well, 
 
 Just listen to me and then I will tell. 
 
 It was there I nursed my trouble so long, 
 
 And whatever I eat I never felt strong ; 
 
 'Twas there I was taught by the kind-hearted elf, 
 
 It would ease my mind, if I talked to myself. 
 
 It was there I loitered my time away 
 
 With counting my mercies all the day. 
 
 Where I seldom was seen with a smile on my face, 
 
 Still I cannot help loving the dear old place, 
 
 It was there I spent in my leisure hour, 
 
 So much of my time in the dear old tower ; 
 
 Choosing the life of Moses to love, 
 
 I grew so gentle, so much like a dove ; 
 
 While the people all watched me creeping about, 
 
 And no one could ever find me out. 
 
 But mischievous Lizzie, who dare not tell 
 
 VThy I love the name of Ashleigh so well.
 
 102 
 
 MRS. GEOFFREY BROWN. 
 
 Dear Madam. — I feel constrained to trouble you once more with 
 another childish letter, I must excuse you laughing at me, for nothing 
 eases my mind so mnch as writing. I love to tell you everything. 
 I'm as fond of telling tales as Lizzie. I want you to know how 
 everyone despises me. I don't make any progress with the lawyer. 
 It's no use going near him, for he gets worse every time. The mo- 
 ment he sees me he orders a policeman to be fetched. The last time 
 I went he even locked the doors against me I wonder if he thinks 
 I am one of the forty thieves. There's no getting to know what 
 gentlemen lawyers think, they mumble so. He couldn't pull a worse 
 face if he lived on Siberian crabs. I'm beginning to think that 
 lawyers have the misfortune to get the most shiftless wives. I do pity 
 them all. But I'll just tell you he doetn't like lady lawyers. 
 So now, I want to tell you that when I first commenced making a 
 book, I was only pretending. I was forced to amuse myself. Your 
 peculiar behaviour to me punished me so. I remember saying to 
 Lizzie how it troubled me because you had called me for not telling 
 of Johnson being drunk. I said I knew you thought I had kept 
 something from you. She must have told you, and I suppose 
 it made yon feel peevish, but you ought to have been able to judge for 
 yourself. I begun to suspect her telling I was making a book. I 
 asked her if she had ever mentioned the verses to you, she said no, 
 but nurse did. You see how you all talked about me, but you never 
 let me hear. 
 
 I had no chance of explaining myself, that's what punished me. I 
 remember one night, when you ^Yere out, going into the nursery and 
 showing the nurse the verses I had written to my sister. I told her 
 the others about the fairy. She said to me, " Well, I don't know 
 why you need go on like that." I looked at Lizzie, and said she 
 wouldn't wonder if she knew all, would she. Lizzie gave no answer. 
 I understand now why she didn't, but its too late, the past can never 
 be revoked. It shows what a fox the girl was, for in her heart of 
 hearts she understood everything. 
 
 Sometime after I had given you the fairy's advice, I overheard it
 
 103 
 
 said (you see how I'm doomed) that the Master acknowledged it 
 made his blood boil, for everyone that came to the house was talking 
 about it. That showed he knew, to a certain extent, what it all 
 meant, and the rest I would have told you, if you would have let me 
 explain myself. You pushed me from you as though I had been a 
 venomous reptile, while you indulged Lizzie in all her whims and 
 fancies. The girl was not happy, you did not understand her like I 
 did, and it would have been better for you if you never had, but when 
 you could not get anything out of me that would satisfy your curiosity, 
 I suppose you thought I should be compelled to tell if you made 
 things awkward for me at the Register Office. 
 
 I remember now once hearing you say that you thought Register 
 Offices were gossiping places. I wondered why you said it. I 
 have found every thing out now. You must have told some strange 
 tales, or the woman would not look at me and watch me about. 1 
 said to her when she was quizing me, you should have asked Mrs. 
 Geoifrey Brown what she did to me. She said nay, its no business 
 of mine, what you have amongst yourselves, besides they never tell of 
 themselves. I did not feel inclined to satisfy the woman's curiosity, 
 I knew better. I simply said well, whatever I ail she has done it 
 herself. I don't believe Mrs. Geoffrey Brown would do such a 
 thing. The woman replied, I did tell her that you were going to 
 send me to prison for five years for calling the book Ashleigh. 
 
 I thought she would understand that it was necessary for me to be 
 careful what I said. You see for yourself that I have not a single 
 friend. Isn't mine a sorrowful state. The woman said yes, vou will 
 go to prison some day if you keep using people's names, for Geoffrey 
 Brown is a determined man when he begins. So I said, well, you 
 know one good turn deserves another, the Geoffrey Browns have 
 cured me of my besetting sin, why should not I return the com- 
 pliment, but rhe woman did not seem to be acquainted with the text : 
 
 " Bear ye one another's burden's and so fullill the law of Christ.'' 
 
 Let me tell you it was Lizzie that caused all the disturbance. It
 
 104 
 
 was her idle tales and untruths she told, that caused the two women 
 to quarrel. Before I went to Ashleigh, the washerwoman had 
 named it to Lizzie that Mrs. Jones was rather too fond of drink, but 
 she strictly charged T^izzie not to tell Mrs. Jones, but the woman 
 found out by Mrs Jones's behaviour to her, that Lizzie had told what 
 she said, and then denied it, but Mrs. Jones knew to suspect Lizzie, 
 made her send the threatening letter to her. I told you how the 
 washerwoman's husband came to fetch her home that night, because 
 Mrs. Jones had been calling out in the yard where they all lived, if 
 she met Mrs. Rushton in the lane, that night, what she would do. 
 
 When the man came for his wife, he said timid people ought not 
 to live, and the next morning, before you came down stairs, Mrs. 
 Rushton had come to tell the Master of Mrs. Jones' behaviour to her. 
 I suppose Mrs. Jones had been calling out again what she would do 
 to the woman 
 
 When I went to tell the Master, Mrs, Rushton wanted to see 
 him, he was reading the newspaper, so he looked up and said if its 
 about their bother, tell her 1 shant have anything to do with them. I 
 saw how disappointed the woman was, so I said it is no use bothering 
 yourself about it, Mrs. Rushton, for lawyers never will be bothered at 
 their own houses. The woman did not like talking to like that, for 
 it caused her to be peevish with me. She and Lizzie managed to 
 both pull one way, because Lizzie was a coward, the girl knew she 
 had done all the mischief, but no one corrected her. 
 
 Once I caught Lizzie laughing me to scorn. I thought I would cor- 
 rect her myself, so I said — I'm quite old enough to be your mother, and 
 if no one else will correct you, I'll do* so myself You said, to hear 
 you talk you are old enough to be my grandmother, and another time, 
 when the girl was insufferably rude, I complained about it. You were 
 very sharp with me I simply said to you, Lizzie requires talking to, 
 you said yes, but its my place to talk to her. Yes, I know it is, but 
 you don't talk to her. I said that was exactly how the girl got the 
 upper-hand of us all, and you told me yourself, that Lizzie was sent 
 from home because she could not agree with her step-mother. 
 
 Her father did not approve of her conduct, and I suppose he
 
 105 
 
 thought if he sent her into a gentleman's house, she would learn be- 
 haviour. 
 
 I want to tell you something. You think I'm vulgar. You re- 
 member the last quaiTel we had, you would persist in saying every- 
 body knows what you are. I wondered where you got your informa- 
 tion from. I felt too grieved to ask. I said to you, well, Mrs. 
 Geoffrey Brown, if I were to tell you all people say about you, I 
 know you would not like it. You said I don't mind what people say 
 about me. 
 
 Then I said to you there's no one considers you a lady not even the 
 milkman, for he said to me when I told him you were going to have 
 your old servant back again, because I was too old for you, he said 
 you know Mrs. Geoffrey Brown isn't a lady ; she listens to tales, 
 that's why the girl could keep in favour with you, for the man said 
 she had indulged you in your peculiarity, and you said 
 to me that you had never been suited with a servant 
 since she left you, her name was Lizzie. I'm be- 
 
 ginning to think that all Lizzie's are alike, for I'll just tell you 
 what Lizzie Tittle Tattle said to me once, she said she wanted to try 
 and stop two years, to get a character for a higher situation. Her 
 step-mother had lived in very high families, and only counted yours a 
 second-class place, it pained me to hear the girl talk Hke that,when she 
 was just beginning a servant's life, and I had been a servant more years 
 than Lizzie was old, and she knew 1 was well satisfied with your 
 situation, if it hadn't been for the great obstacle in the way. I had 
 been amongst all kind of people, while I had got used to things. 
 
 I found Lizzie to have been so treacherous, and I wanted to ex- 
 plain things to you, but I wae doomed to be disappointed again. 
 You had taken Johnson back again, it spoiled all my 
 arrangements. You didn't seem to take to the other 
 coachman like you did to Johnson. You frequently said to 
 the man Johnson did so and so. I could see that the man did not 
 like you talking to him like that. He had heard people say that 
 Johnson neglected his work. I thought I would enlighten the man. 
 I said to him you are not much better thought of here than I am. I
 
 106 
 
 can see that Mrs. Geo (Trey Brown murmers for the flesh-pots of 
 Egypt. 
 
 1 don't think the man would have ever believed that you would 
 take Johnson back again WiUiams knew that Johnson had chance 
 of a higher situation. The Master refused to give him a character, so 
 that Johnson was looked upon as a castaway. He got a few days' 
 work where he could. 
 
 However willing I might have been to tell all I knew about John- 
 son, the inclination left nie when I saw him treated like that. I 
 fancied the man was as unfortunate as myself. I know very well 
 that you formed a bad opinion of me. 
 
 I want to tell you Lizzie had heard me telling you how Williams 
 swore at me every time I asked him to help me to shake any carpets. I 
 knew why the man did it, but I did not like to tell you, it was because 
 I -would not give him beer. 1 said Johnson had spoiled the place, 
 for you know what strict orders you gave about the beer. I always 
 felt the Master's eyes were upon me, for you know how you kept 
 him watching my conduct. I believe the man was tired of me 
 being at the place. I know he thought I was too particular 
 about things. He said to me shall you be here at such a time. 
 He knew you were going to have your old servant back again. 
 I said I shall if I'm lucky, you need not trouble yourself, for the 
 fairy says I shall be lucky. 
 
 Soon after this Williams had a holiday ; when he came back 
 he was intoxicated. He knocked very gently at the door. I 
 opened it and was surprised to see him in that state. I said do 
 go away, Williams, for if the Master sees you, you won't have to 
 remain here any longer. It only provoked him to swear at me, 
 and use bad language. He made such a noise while Lizzie came 
 to see what was the matter. I kept saying I should be com- 
 pelled to tell the Master if he didn't hold his noise, for I ex- 
 pected if I didn't tell, Lizzie would. At last he dared me to go and 
 tell the Master. You are very ready, indeed, to tell tales, he said, 
 and he used bad language to me again. I said to the master
 
 107 
 
 if you please sir, Williams is as drunk as a lord and he's sweai> 
 ing like a trooper, if you'll come just now you'll catch him. 
 
 The master came, and he gave the man his notice. You 
 wern't in the house at the time. When you came into the 
 kitchen that night, you said you were very glad it had happened, 
 for you didn't want his four dirty brats about the place. 
 
 The next day, when the man was sober, I suppose he felt 
 vexed at me for telling of him, you were out again and Lizzie 
 was in the kitchen, as usual, with the child in her arms, instead 
 of keeping her own position in the nursery. That was the reason 
 you were so bitter against Mrs. Jones. You thought she had 
 given the child its death of cold. You remember your own 
 sister, Mrs. Woodville, said it would have been better if you had 
 brought her wrapped in a shawl. Lizzie heard Mrs. Woodville 
 say it, and pretended to be sorry for the chUd. You see what a 
 hypocrite the girl was. The child had only just recovered from 
 its long illness. Lizzie was quite old enough to know that if the 
 child had relapsed into the same state, it might have proved 
 fatal. 
 
 I want to tell you she saw the man shake his fist in my face, 
 and she had the pleasure of seeing how it took all my courage to 
 show that I was not afraid of him. I believe the man would 
 never have forgiven me for telling of him, but for one thing. 
 Lizzie had told him what you had said about his children. He 
 asked me, when Lizzie left the kitchen, if it w^ere true you had 
 said so. I was obliged to confess that it was. He wished he 
 had never known the place, for I heard what she was before I 
 came, you see what a fox Lizzie was to tell tales of you. Then 
 Williams confessed that Lizzie had told his wife what she over- 
 heard me telling you about him swearing, and it made him feel 
 vexed.. 
 
 What a blunder it caused the man to make. I know he had 
 not courage to tell me of it when he was sober. It's a true say- 
 ing, when drink's in wit's out, and it's an ill wind that blows no 
 one any good. It was very lucky indeed for Johnson, it liber-
 
 108 
 
 eted him from his prison life. Williams thought I had been 
 working things in Johnson's favour. I told him he was mistaken, 
 but I durst not tell him it was a problem. I tried to amuse my- 
 self with wondering if problems ever choked people, for I fancied 
 what was passing in your mind. I suppose you thought it would 
 provoke me to speak to Johnson about it. 
 
 If you remember when we were quarrelling about him, I said 
 if ever I see Johnson and his wife, I shall tell them what trouble 
 they caused me. You replied it would be better to be quiet now. 
 I never had an opj^ortunity of seeing either Johnson or his wife. 
 
 But when things are all reckoned up, your disposition is not as 
 peaceable as mine, for you wern't satisfied when you had taken 
 the man back again. Yon would keep tormenting me about being- 
 crazy. 
 
 For all you treated me like this, I felt sorry for you, for I had 
 found out what was troubling you, and I wished I durst have 
 told you all I knew. It wasn't much, but both Johnson and 
 Lizzie could pop a lie so easily, I durst not venture. No doubt 
 you were uneasy, for you knew that you had said so many un- 
 kind things to me, any one of which would have made you ac- 
 tionable if all our witnesses had not been in Heaven. But I 
 durst not be so bold, for I knew the Master was \vatching me 
 just like a cat watches a mouse, to settle me his own way, that's 
 why he kept so quiet. I knew better than let him take advan- 
 tage. I felt sure I should be safer if I took your advice. John- 
 son worked like one of Pharoah's lean kine, and I did not feel 
 inclined to go down his throat. You ought to know that hunger 
 is a sharp thorn. 
 
 I thought it would be better to leave things as they were and 
 let Lizzie get her two years over with you. She might be more 
 fortunate in meeting with better society in her next situation. I 
 judged from the tales she told me about Mrs. Jones and Johnson, 
 that she had suffered from their evil influences. I told her she 
 ought to have complained to you. She said she was afraid of 
 making mischief.
 
 109 
 
 The girl knew exactly what things to tell you. »She told me 
 how Johnson had helped himself to everything he could get hold 
 of. I knew you were suspecting him of being the guilty i^erson. 
 No doubt she had told you the same tale, that's why you wanted 
 to punish him. Anyone might have guessed that from your con- 
 versation. I also learnt this from Lizzie, that you had no luck 
 with your wine-cellar, for the girl that went for a month had 
 broken two bottles of wine, that was the reason the Master had 
 gone to fetch it himself, and not being used to the job he forgot 
 all about the door, until, I suppose, you required the keys for 
 some other purpose. I never knew how that was. I did say to 
 Lizzie, once, had they found out the keys were missing before 
 New Year's Day, she said yes. I could not help thinking it was 
 strange I had not been acc|uainted with it, I don't remember the 
 Master fetching any more wine after that. When you wanted to 
 replenish the decanters you would give the keys to Lizzie, and 
 look at me in such a peculiar manner, and say I shall never trust 
 another servant. I replied, I don't want you to trust me. 
 
 I knew my conscience was clear. I had lived in former 
 situations where I had all that kind of work to do, and I had 
 never been mistrusted. I could see that the work was all new 
 to Lizzie, so I pretended not to notice the insult, for the love of 
 making a book had grown so strong, it made me feel thankful 
 you sent Lizzie, if you had trusted me, I don't suppose I should 
 have been any more fortunate than the girl that went for a month^ 
 
 There is such a beautiful contrast between books and bottles. 
 I had felt for years that I should make a book some day out of 
 somebody. I told Lizzie so, but she w^as like all young people, 
 she couldn't keep a secret. I said what strange things I had met 
 with before I went to Ashleigh, but that was the strangest of all. 
 I had even lived amongst people that would have liked to have 
 made my head into a football, and she must have told you, for I 
 believe you thought it was hollow. 
 
 When the children came home, they begun to upbraid me with
 
 110 
 
 it. So one day, I said to tliem, now look here children, although 
 you think me useless, I've a fortune in me yet. Then they be- 
 gun to taunt me in this manner — how's your fortune going on, 
 Susie. My dear children, I replied, it's in chancery at present. 
 When do you intend to get it out ? When I'm the authoress of 
 Ashleigh. 
 
 Don't you remember how it made you pull a face, and you set 
 the new charwoman to quiz me instead of asking me yourself, 
 what it was that troubled me. I sincerely hope you'll find out 
 some day that they don't catch old birds with chaff. I said to 
 the woman, if Mrs. Geoffrey Brown had taken a pair of pincers 
 and twisted it out of me, she couldn't have done it better. The 
 woman said she doesn't know how she's done it ; she will, no 
 doubt, find out some day. I didn't feel inclined to satisfy the 
 woman's idle curiosity, so I begun to hum : — 
 
 What curious things these problems are 
 
 Which lawyers have to use. 
 But they seem to favour some folk, 
 
 And some folk they abuse ; 
 And some folk never have to know 
 
 The use of them at all 
 Because they do not climb so high, 
 
 They have not far to fall. 
 
 How the woman did laugh. I don't believe she understood 
 problems. She said Johnson made a fool of himself. I said yes, 
 I know he did. There's something else Mrs. Geoffrey Brown 
 objects to, she says she wouldn't have cared if Ashleigh hadn't 
 been on. I thought that's it, is it. Who dares to take away 
 my prerogative. Conscience makes cowards of us all. 
 
 Our tongues were made to bless the Lord, 
 
 And not speak ill of men ; 
 When others give a railing word 
 
 We must not rail ao'ain.
 
 Ill 
 
 But lips that dare be so profane 
 
 To mock, and jeer, and scofE 
 At holy things, or holy men, 
 
 The Lord will cut them oS. 
 
 When children, in their wanton play 
 
 Served old Elisha so ; 
 And bid the Prophet go his way, 
 
 Go up, thou bald head, go. 
 
 God quickly stopped their wdcked breath, 
 
 And sent two raging bears, 
 Which tore them limb, from limb — to death ; 
 
 In blood, and groans, and tears. 
 
 Great God, how terrible art thou 
 
 To sinners e'er so young ; 
 Grant me thy grace, and teach me how 
 
 To tame, and rule my tongue. 
 
 Yours sincerely, 
 Halifax, April 16th, 1889. S. FISH.
 
 112 
 
 I knew what a lovely sensation it would create, as soon as ever 
 I had the gumption to tell my tale. I do feel so happy now its 
 told, but it would have sjwiled the sensation, if I had told sooner. 
 Crazy, indeed, I'll settle them all now. 
 
 I'm neither crazy, nor lazy, its plain to be seen. 
 It's the naughty young girls that are gifted with spleen. 
 When they find out I'm clever, they envy me so. 
 That I have not any comfort wherever I go. 
 
 If I had the chance of a lady to be. 
 How soon I could let all the naughty girls see ; 
 That with all the untruths, and tales they do tell. 
 They injure both me and the Mistress as well. 
 
 But one tale is g'ood 
 
 Till another is told ; 
 So mine will be new 
 
 When Lizzie's is old. 
 
 I shant need to talk to myself any longer. I'm so glad, I'll go 
 and tell the lawyer what I talk about. I'll make him understand 
 this time, bother the timid notions. I do believe he thinks I'm 
 crazy, but I'll change his ideas, Mr. Lawyer, do you think I am 
 one of the Forty Thieves. Open Sesame, you've got my best 
 piece of book, and don't I want paying. Aye, dear, how stupid 
 and fussy you are, but I'm not going to stick fast, for it's a deal 
 better making a book than doing as Moses did. So now — 
 
 I will tell you, Mr. Lawyer, 
 
 "What I'm going now to do ; 
 For I think I've been insulted 
 
 Quite long enough with you.
 
 113 
 
 I will not stand you banging 
 
 All the door into my face, 
 For it causes such a tumult 
 
 And bedlam in the place. 
 
 I will send police officers 
 
 To be upon your track ; 
 I sincerely hope with all my heart 
 
 That they give you Paddy wack. 
 
 For you are so very stupid, 
 
 And you are so fussy too : 
 It really puzzles me so much 
 
 While I can't tell what to do. 
 
 You know you've got the piece of book 
 
 That pleases me the best ; 
 And while you keep that piece of book 
 
 I never shall have rest. 
 
 I suppose you think I'm making fun 
 
 Out of you as well ; 
 But I sent that piece of book to you 
 
 To the Geoffrey Browns to sell. 
 
 And then, perhaps, they'll cease to laugh 
 When you name to them the price. 
 
 Tell them that it is no nonsense 
 It's the fairy's good advice. 
 
 And tell them I have worked so hard 
 To have the book completa : 
 
 I hope they will admire it 
 For don't you think its neat.
 
 114 
 
 It has taken all my gumption 
 
 To tell a tale so long ; 
 You may depend upon it 
 
 I do not feel so strong. 
 
 Why don't you show some sympathy 
 And help me through my case ; 
 
 For I want my enemies to see 
 Me in my proper place. 
 
 I believe you're just pretending, 
 Aye, yon are a funny man ; 
 
 Now do not be so stupid 
 But help me if you can. 
 
 And if you think the price too low 
 We'll suit it to your mind ; 
 
 For everybody knows that 
 Mr. Geoffrey Brown is kind. 
 
 Then our peculiarities 
 Can all be handed down, 
 
 For I want posterity to know 
 Both me and Mrs. Brown. 
 
 And I want the i)resent age to learn 
 To bridle well the tongue : 
 
 But if perchance we make mistakes 
 To admit we have done wrong. 
 
 " Mine's a beautiful peculiarity." 
 
 J
 
 115 
 
 Let Hercules himself do what he may, 
 
 The cat will mew, and dog will have his day. — 
 
 Shakespeare. 
 
 Envy will merit as its shade pursue, 
 
 But like a shadow proves the substance true. — Pope. 
 
 There's not a string attached to mirth, 
 But has its chord in melancholy. — Hood. 
 
 There lives more faith in honest doubt, 
 Believe me, than in half the creeds. — Tennyson 
 
 Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment 
 ye judge ye shall be judged, and with what measure ye mete, it 
 shall be measured to you again. 
 
 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, 
 but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye. 
 
 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, let me pull out the mote 
 out of thine eye, and behold a beam is in thine own eye. 
 
 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye, 
 and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy 
 "brother's eye. 
 
 Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your 
 pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and 
 turn again and rend you. — Chrisfs Sermon on the Mount. 
 
 The firste vertue sone if thou wilt lere. 
 
 Is to restreine and kepen wel thy tonge. — Chaucek.
 
 116 
 
 NATIONAL ANTHEM. 
 
 God save our gracious Queen, 
 Long live our noble Queen, 
 
 God save the Queen ; 
 Send her victorious, 
 Happy and glorious, 
 Long to reign over us, 
 
 God save the Queen. 
 
 Crowned by a Nation's love. 
 Guarded by Heaven above. 
 
 Long live the Queen, 
 Loud may each voice proclaim ; 
 Wide as Britannia's fame, 
 Long live Victoria's name, 
 
 God save the Queen. 
 
 W. GILL, PRINTEE, SOWERBY BRIDaS.
 
 iL i> i> E isr i> I X 
 
 MR. LAWYER. 
 
 I have seen the chief constable 
 
 And told him of you, 
 He did seem surprised 
 
 When I told how you do : 
 But I said its quite true — 
 
 When I enter the place, 
 The la"wyer does nothing 
 
 But pull a long face. 
 
 And he sends out at once 
 
 To inform the police, 
 Perhaps he thinks I'm a wolf, 
 
 Dressed up in lamb's fleece ; 
 Or perhaps its the letters 
 
 I send him, I said, 
 That leads him to think 
 
 I am wrong in my head. 
 
 If I've sent him one letter 
 
 I have sent him a score. 
 The Chief Constable said 
 
 Then don't send any more. 
 ,1 will tell you what to do 
 
 Go get married instead, 
 Then the lawyer won't think 
 
 You are wrong in your head.
 
 118 
 
 I replied its the notions 
 
 I've possessed all my life, 
 That prevents me 
 
 From ever becoming a wife, 
 For I want a philosopher 
 
 Noble and great, 
 And while he turns up 
 
 I am willing to wait. 
 
 The Chief Constable said 
 
 Then I am afraid, 
 You will have to remain 
 
 All your life an old maid. 
 Now don't you be stupid 
 
 Chief Constable, look, 
 Instead of a bother 
 
 I am making a book. 
 
 And I just want the lawyer 
 
 To stamp with his seal, 
 And then all my secrets 
 
 To the world I'll reveal ; 
 But everyone knows 
 
 How conceited I've been. 
 But no one but God knows 
 
 The insults I've seen. 
 
 For wherever I go 
 
 I am misunderstood, 
 So I'm just knocked about 
 
 Like a great log of wood, 
 But the Lord has looked down 
 
 From heaven above. 
 And smiled with compassion 
 
 And tenderest love.
 
 119 
 
 So 111 try, Mr. Constable 
 
 Not to be vain : 
 For whom the Lord loveth, 
 
 He scourgeth again. 
 And whatever he sends me 
 
 I will not mistrust, 
 For I really feel humble, 
 
 Yes, humble as dust. 
 
 But all my life long 
 
 I've been dreaming of fame, 
 How best I could manage 
 
 To get up my name ; 
 But I never had chance 
 
 To distinguish myself. 
 While I heard the good news 
 
 From the kind-hearted elf. 
 
 You see, Mr. Lawyer, every heart knows its own bitterness 
 and a stranger intermeddleth not, so the proverb says, and I'm be- 
 ginning to think that proverbs are true. 
 
 And r II just tell you this, Mr. Lawyer, 
 
 Mr. Geoffrey Brown's as old as Adam, 
 His wife as inquisitive as Eve ; 
 
 And so betwixt them both 
 My honours I achieve. 
 
 For Mrs. Geoffrey Brown has worked 
 
 So hard to know my tale ; 
 No doubt she wonders night and day ^ 
 
 What makes me look so pale.
 
 120 
 
 And I am working just as hard 
 
 This little book to make ; 
 For when I ought to be asleep 
 
 I always am awake. 
 
 And when I ought to be at work 
 My head is racked with pain 
 
 I get confused, and make mistakes, 
 While working is in vain. 
 
 And Mr. Geoffrey Brown, you'll find, 
 
 Efiiployes his time the same ; 
 No doubt he's working night and day, 
 To save his wife from shame. 
 
 Oh, don't you think it's very sad 
 That we all descend from Eve ; 
 
 I am wasting all my precious time 
 "With trying not to grieve. 
 
 But no one ever pity's me, 
 
 Because I am distressed ; 
 So now I'm going to give it up, 
 
 And try to get some rest. 
 
 For mine's a beautiful peculiarity. 
 
 And I'll just tell you this, Mr. Lawyer, and then you'll know. 
 I am not going to stand any more of your nonsense, for I am too 
 feeble, so will you please to tell me how much you charge for 
 settling the ghost, and then I wou't trouble you any more, for 
 there is danger of me becoming as poor as Lazarus, and if I do, I 
 sincerely hope that my last end will be like his, what else can I 
 do.
 
 121 
 
 Jesu, lover of my soul, ."','cri- 
 
 Let me to thy bosom fly ; I'S!^. 
 
 ^Yhile the gathering waters roll, "iZ^/ 
 
 While the tempest still is ligli ; '^'.r"; 
 
 Hide me, O, my Saviour hide, ; '^" ""^^ 
 
 Till the storm of life be past ; ^' - Z\ 
 
 Safe into the haven guide. _ 
 
 O receive my soul at last. 
 
 Other refuge have I none ; . /: 
 
 Hangs my helpless soul on thee : 
 Leave, ah ! leave me not alone, '. 
 
 Still support and comfort me. 
 All my trust on thee is stayed. 
 
 All my help from thee T bring ; 
 Cover my defenceless head 
 
 With the shadow of thy wing, 
 
 Plenteous grace with thee is found, 
 
 Grace to cleanse from every sin ; 
 Let the healing streams abound ; 
 
 Make and keep me pure within. 
 Thou of life the fountain art, 
 
 Truly let me take of thee ; 
 Spring thou up within my heart, •- '"" 
 
 Pdse to all eternity. ^—^ 
 
 But, I'll tell you this, Mr. Lawyer, we can't go to Heaven 
 when we like, we must wait till it comes to our turn. W^e all have 
 a work to do. You needn't turn up your nose at my book any 
 more. Nothing but a book can make you understand what a 
 peculiar disposition Mrs. Geoffrey Brown possesses. 
 
 It ought to have melted the heart of a stone when I explained 
 to her the exact time when I fell into that state of lethargy that 
 caused them all to think I was insane.
 
 122 
 
 I told Mrs. Geoffrey Brown, it was the day before Master Harry 
 died, that mischievous Lizzie came to tell me that a girl was 
 coming in my place. I knew then that they were going to pack 
 me off, because they thought I was rude to them. I said I could 
 have borne it at any other time without feeling the least dis- 
 mayed. I was used to all kind of hardships, but I wondered 
 whatever people would think when they saw me packed off like 
 that, when death was coming to the house. 
 
 I could see it creeping nearer, and nearer, it made me shiver, 
 and I must have fainted while repeating the text : — " It is better 
 to go to the house of mourning than the house of mirth." When 
 I came to my senses, I'll just tell you, oh, what a beautiful fairy 
 stood there smiling ; I sujjpose at my simplicity, what else could 
 she do. I thought about Cinderella in a moment, and I wonder- 
 ed if I was going to be transformed. When she begun talking 
 and telling me what work I had to do, I didn't want that. You 
 know how I dawdle, but I wanted to go where she went, but she 
 wouldn't have me, she took your child instead. 
 
 I felt that I had no one but Mrs. Jones to blame for it all. 
 She had made things look black against me with absenting her- 
 self in that strange manner. How could I help thinking that 
 providence had ordered things all for the best. The girl never 
 came. I know I wasn't rude to you any more while the poor child 
 remained in the house. I don't see how you could expect me to 
 keep my temper, when you told me the master would kick me 
 out of the house, and I was compelled to stand up for myself. I 
 knew then I should never be able to live you down. I begun to 
 hum, and I've been humming ever since, when I've nothing else 
 to do. 
 
 Take up thy cross the Saviour said, 
 
 If thou woulds't my disciple be ; 
 Deny thyself, the world forsake, 
 
 And humbly follow after me-
 
 123 
 
 Take up thy cross, let not its weight 
 
 Fill thy weak spirit with alarm ; 
 His strength shall bear thy spirit up, 
 
 And brace thy heart, and nerve thy arm. 
 
 Take up thy cross, nor heed the shame, 
 
 Xor let thy foolish pride rebel 
 The Lord, for thee the cross endured 
 
 To save thy soul from death and Hell. 
 
 Take up thy cross', then in his strength, 
 
 And calmly every danger brave ; 
 'Twill guide thee to a better home. 
 
 And lead to victory o'er the grave. 
 
 Take up thy cross and follow^ Christ, 
 
 Nor think till death to lay it down, 
 For only he who bears the cross 
 
 May hope to wear the glorious crown. 
 
 To thee, great Lord, the one in three, 
 
 All praise for evermore ascend ; 
 O grant us in our home to see 
 
 The heavenly life that knows no end. 
 
 If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take 
 up his cross and follow me. 
 
 And I'll tell you this, Mr. Lawyer, I do wish I had taken the 
 
 Welsh girl's advice, and then I should have been a lady now, for 
 she was always sapng that her brother had told her there was no 
 friendship in law The gardener's wife said she knew better. It 
 wasn't natural for one lawyer to go against another. I kept tell- 
 ing the woman I wasn't going to do such a thing, instead of that 
 I was going to make them like one another better.
 
 124 
 
 I felt sure that the Geoffrey Browns would be pleased when the 
 villain was caught, whoever was clever enough to do so, for they 
 couldn't catch him themselves. I said to the woman, it was so 
 ladylike making a book, and I hoped when I had got it finished 
 that I could be a lady, sor that was the height of my ambition, 
 but that set her against me more than ever. I got 
 out of patience with the woman for interfering at all. I 
 said to her why don't you study philosophy. I know very 
 well she thought that was out of the reach of poor people. She 
 said it was absurd of me talking like that, when I had been 
 educated out of poor rates. 
 
 As time went on 1 found out that the gardener did understand 
 philosophy just a trifle, for he kept saying to me, I don't wantmy 
 wife to get into prison. I couldn't help feeling sorry for the man 
 that he did understand philosophy. I said to him, you have no 
 need to feel afraid, for I am doing the very thing that will keep 
 all of us out of prison, even Mrs. Geoffrey Brown. Do you know 
 Mr. Lawyer, I secretly liked her, for I believe in my heart that 
 she inadvertently let the words slip, that were the most dis- 
 tasteful to my feelings, all through listeningto mischievous Lizzie's 
 idle tales, for the girl knew exactly how I employed my mind. 
 I have been hoping ever since, that she would find out her 
 mistake, and make it all good to me, but she dawdles, and 
 my time is precious. I hadn't been long at Ashleigh, before I 
 found out that Mrs. Geoffrey Brown had quite as many enemies 
 as myself, for everyone could tell me that I shouldn't be there 
 long before I found her out. It made me shiver, for I was com- 
 pletely tired of changing about.. 
 
 I would have kept the secret for ever, if only she would have 
 had the good sense to call her words back again, but I suppose 
 she thinks it doesn't matter, as I've only been educated out of 
 poor rates, but my uncle says we are quite as good as other people 
 in the sight of the Lord. So now, Mr. Lawyer, that's all I have 
 to say. ,XiiXJ.x> > I remain, 
 
 .iQJ-jei leii;: I, ^i- Ydurs respectfully, ;SuJFISH.
 
 125 
 
 MR. GEOFFREY BROWN. 
 
 Deae Sie. — The piece of book I want you to pay for, is in the 
 lawyer's possession at present, and I suppose it will htive to 
 remain there while you feel inclined to redeem it. You will find 
 when you have carefully scrutinized it, that it is worth Ten 
 Thousand Pounds. I suppose that's why the Lawyer clings to it, 
 for he must understand the value of things, and I have told him 
 not to take a penny less, for money can never repay me for all 
 I've suffered from that cruel report, and it is the only way to 
 cure Mrs. C4eoffrey Brown of her peculiarity. Until you have 
 payed the penalty, everyone will think I am crazy. 
 
 It is out of pure respect to the dead child that I have given 
 you the privilege of settling the thing amicably, but as you re- 
 fuse to do so, I may as well snatch at an apple as a crab, for 
 I've grown like the Merchant of Venice, and I've told the lawyer 
 so what else could I do. 
 
 Yours sincerely, 
 
 HaHfax, May 10th, 1889. S. FISH. 
 
 P.S. — The person at the register office, told me last summer, 
 that you didn't mind me having the book, if I didn't put your 
 name in. You see how callous you've grown, but I should 
 have been quite satisfied with the book, if the Fletchers' 
 had allowed me to tell my tale. I told Mr. Fletcher, 
 I knew I wasn't doing them the good I ought to. 
 I used to lie down in the day time. I know they laughed at 
 me for it, but they didn't say anything about it for awhile. And 
 then, when I was nearly better, Mrs. Fletcher reminded me that 
 Kate had told her Aunt about me being so restless. It made me 
 more determined than ever to have the book, for the woman at 
 the Register Office, said she knew that I shouldn't get any 
 money out of you ; she seems to know your affairs better than 
 you know them yourself, for I wish to remind yon that the Ace 
 of Trumps takes everything.
 
 126 
 
 I had no chance of settling Mrs. Geoffrey Brown any other 
 way, for I'll tell you what else the woman said. Once shj was 
 fast whatever kind of a place to send me too. It made me feel 
 grieved, so I said to her, if I were to make Mrs. Geoffrey Brown 
 prove her words, would you swear that she did call me crazy. 
 She replied, I'll have nothing to do with you. I said then what 
 good can I do, for Mrs. Geoffrey might deny it, and her word's 
 as good as mine in a Court of justice, but mine is better than 
 her's in a book. But the woman said in a moment, she'll never 
 want to deny it. Now, wasn't that a compliment. That is the 
 reason I'm compelled to take time by the forelock. 
 
 And something else I asked the woman, for she seemed uneasy 
 about the verses. She said other ladies would be afraid I should 
 make verses out of them, for everybody seemed to know about 
 them, and my Uncle said it was quite natural for them to think 
 so, but he says we can't help being like our fathers. 
 
 I said to the w^oman did Mrs Geoffrey Brown tell you about 
 them before they were printed. She said yes, and after they wxre 
 printed, she and the Master's sister both called together, and I 
 asked them what they were about. Miss Geoffrey Brown says oh, 
 they'll do to laugh at ; exactly the same words she had said to me 
 when I asked her what she thought of the fairy's advice. 
 
 And I'll tell you what else Miss Geoffrey Brown said to me. I 
 know she wanted to tease me out of it, for she said some gentleman, 
 that came to the house, had passed the remark that my initials stood 
 for silly fool. So I just want to tell you that I'm tired of such 
 vulgarity, and I am going to change the order of things. 
 
 So in the future, I want them stand for sensible fool, and I've told 
 the Lawyer so. Indeed, I have told him everything, but he takes no 
 notice of me. So will you be kind enough to make him, for I'm tired 
 of dawdling. 
 
 If I have any more time to waste, telling tales of Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown, I shall be compelled, by the rules of etiquette, to raise the 
 price. What else can I do. 
 
 S.F., Halifax.
 
 127 
 
 Mine's a beautiful peculiarity. My f rien ds say to me no 
 wonder you have to make verses if you have lived with Mrs. 
 Qeoffery Brown. 
 
 What a wily person that Register Off ce woman is, for sure 
 she persisted in spying to me why need you bother any more, 
 you have told them everything. I was surprised the worn" i 
 hadn't sufficient humanity to tell Mrs. Geoffrey Brown I ought 
 t :> be paid for such a cruel report as that, but I knew that the 
 woman preferred the money herself, and if she could only find 
 out the secret that had prompted me to write a book, 
 r\e would, no doubt be rewarded, for everyone knew I 
 hadn't done it without a motive. I overheard it said that 
 the Geoffrey Browns would spend half of their fortune 
 to conquer me. I knew that was lawyer like, but tl ey wondered 
 which charge I should prefer against them, for they knew they 
 bad said and done so many things to me while they had got con- 
 founded. Thpt's just where I had them fast. How thankful I 
 was that I had been brought up amongst lawyers. 
 
 The more tales I heard about the Geoffrey Browns the more I 
 was convinced that mischievous Lizzie had made them believe I 
 was taking their name in vain. The people where I lodged 
 agitated me so while I lost my temper. We quarrelled over u, 
 and I was compelled to leave them. 
 
 The woman told me she dreamt that Mr. Geoffrey Brown 
 came to the house and offered her five pounds if she could find out
 
 128 
 
 the secret. I knew that was a day dream. I was tired of being 
 agitated like that, so I thought I would summons Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown^ and then I could get the book finished quicker. 
 
 I went to get one. The gentleman said what did Mrs. Geoffrey 
 Brown say to you. T said, am I forced to tell ? He said, how 
 can I give you a summons if you don't. I said then I shant 
 tell, the lawyer knows all about it, that's quite sufficient. No 
 doubt he thought me rude, and th3 other gentleman as well that 
 stood listening to our conversation, but I couldn't help it, for my 
 t'mid notions would keep rising up. 
 
 I didn't feel happy the next day. I tried again and I saw 
 another gentleman. He said what do you require a summons for? 
 How I trembled, I thought in a moment I am not forced to say. 
 So I said, if you please sir, Mrs. Geoffrey Brown told me I had a 
 slate o T. Oh, indeed, we can't grant you a summons for that ; 
 we ca 1 pity you instead. Oh, thank you sir, I said, how very 
 kind you are. 
 
 Then the gentleman said is Mrs. Geoffrey Brown related to 
 you 1 I said — no. Sir. I suppose he wondered that I preferred 
 putting her into a book to a prison (for I had shown him all the 
 poems), but perhaps he thought me very satirical. 
 
 I simply said I would much rather she met me half-way, and 
 let us settle the thing amicably. It would make a nicer book. I 
 thought a summons would provoke her to do so. r^,.. 
 
 f The gentleman stared. I have often wondered since if he 
 thought I was crazy. I didn't like to tell him about the dead 
 child. Whenever I thought of a bother I could feel his arms
 
 129 
 
 round my neck. A day or two before he died ^ifrs. GeofPrcj 
 Brown asked me to stand by his bed side while she made a 
 poultice to dress his wounds. 
 
 The poor child was suffering from blood-poison. She strictly 
 charged me not to speak to the child. As soon as she had left 
 the room he beckoned me to come nearer to him. T couldiv: 
 resist the temptation of speaking to him. I said, do you know me, 
 Ma. ter Harry ? 
 
 He s^id yes, its Susan Fish. Will you help me to get into 
 the train, I ve got a letter to tell me I must go to Charing 
 Cross Station. I knew the child was delirious, so I tried to com- 
 pose him. I said oh, it*^ all nonsense. Master Harry, you're in 
 bed, K. ^e man, lie down, but he wouldn't lie down, he got quite 
 irritable, and said oh, I'm sure I can manage it if you will let me 
 put my arms round your r eck, I wanted to pacify the child be- 
 fore his mother came back. 
 
 I said, well you shall. He put his arms round my neck, and 
 grasped so hard, I could feel his bosom heave. I begun to 
 suspect the meaning for I remembered that Christiana received 
 a letter when she had to leave this transitory life. 
 
 In awhile the child grew weary with struggling, and he lay 
 down to rest, muttering to himself where is Pa's office. I said 
 why Master Harry it is not at Charing Cross Station. He said 
 don't you know where it is, I think I'll wait till Pa comes. 
 
 We were in the midst of this conversation when Mrs Geoffrey 
 Brown entered the room. I belieye she thought I had disobeyed 
 her orders, for she said quite peevish get away, get away, you 
 musn't talk to him, but if I hadn't indulged the child in that 
 foolish whim he would certainly have been out of bed, his brain 
 power had grown so strorg.
 
 130 
 
 It made them afraid to trust me near him any more. Miss 
 Oeoffrey Brown said I talked too fast, but no one corrected Lizzie 
 however fast she talked. She was always annoying me with some 
 practical remark or other, but I suppose it was owing to my 
 sensitive nature that caused me to suffer. 
 
 Master Harry had been under an operation the day before, 
 and the next day he had to undergo another. One of the doctors 
 asked me to fetch his bag from the carriage. I remember so 
 well going trembling upstairs, for I knew it contained the instru- 
 ments of torture. 
 
 I was startled by the doctor calling out stop, stop, we musn't 
 be too venturesome. I thought the doctors were upstairs, but it 
 seemed they were both in the drawing-room consulting. 
 
 I don't see what else they could be doing at a time like that 
 So the next day when I fetched the doctor's bag I knockedat 
 the drawing-room door, and went cautiously in. I was surprised 
 to find the room empty. 
 
 When I went to the dining-room to see if the doctors were 
 there Miss Geoffrey Brown came forward, and said take it up- 
 stairs, the doctors are there. I was surprised at her saying so, 
 but, however, I went trembling upstairs again. I knocked at the 
 bedroom door, the strange doctor opened it and smiled com- 
 placently at me. I seemed to understand in a moment what that 
 meant, for Lizzie had told me the day before that she heard 
 Master Harry call out to the doctors — O dear, I know you are 
 ^oing to cut me. 
 
 I knew then, that the Doctors thoroughly understood their 
 business, for the child was too far gone to call out anymore. I 
 Jearnt from Lizzie, afterwards, that their own doctor had tried to 
 console Mrs. Geoffrey Brown by telling her that it was their duty
 
 131 
 
 to try to- save the child's life, and that was the only chance, 
 how it made me shiver, for I felt it was such a poor chance, and 
 I fanc}^ the Doctor thought so too, for he came at ten o'clock that 
 night to see how the child was I heard remarks passed on the 
 Doctor afterwaids, how conspicuous he looked in a sick-room in 
 evening dress, but we learned that he had been to a banquet, and 
 he must have felt it was his duty to see the poor child before he 
 retired for the night. 
 
 That was the day they were expecting the girl coming from 
 a distance. No wonder I felt dismal when Lizzie told me the 
 news. I reproached myself for not governing my temper better, 
 for I felt I deserved the punishment for being so passionate, 
 but really Mrs. Geoffrey Brown didn't consider how hard she had 
 been with me. 
 
 The next day the Doctor came in the middle of the fore- 
 noon, and soon afier he had gone away, Lizzie was sent to tell 
 me to order the coachman to go at once and fetch the Master. 
 
 I met Williams coming away from the stables. I said to him 
 you must go at once, Williams, and fetch the Master, for Master 
 Harry isn't likely to live much longer, and he might like to 
 see the child alive once more. Williams said nay, I must have 
 my dinner first. I said oh^ but you must go. The stupid man 
 kept muttering I must have my dinner first, so I said, now look 
 here Williams, I will give yon a drink of beer if only you will 
 go first. The man's countenance changed at once, and I thought 
 he meant he would go, for he followed me to the house, and I 
 gave him tlie beer. 
 
 He begun brushing his boots. I kept telling him not to trouble 
 for people don't stand on ceremony at a time like that, but hs 
 pleased himself. Miss Geoffrey Brown stood at the nursery 
 window, impatiently watching to see the carriage pass.
 
 132 
 
 I could hear her keep saying Williams is a long time. At last 
 I said I have done all I can. I bagged of him to go but I be- 
 lieve that the man got his dinner first. 
 
 In awhile we saw the carriage go by, and it was not very 
 long before it returned, but the poor child had expired. How 
 sorry I felt for the Master, when I saw him weeping over the 
 lifeless ho<^j of the child, for I was the only person that re- 
 mained in the room. The nurse and Miss Geoffrey Brown had 
 just taken Mrs. Geoffrey Brown into the Nursery, and Lizzie 
 told me afterwards that she was crying in the kitchen when the 
 Master passed through. 
 
 It made me think again about the letter the child had received. 
 1 know they thought it superstitious of me when I told them about it, 
 for I believe that no one but the doctors and myself thought 
 the child would die. I believe that Williams thought I was 
 ma^'ing a fuss for nothing, the child had been ill such a short- 
 time, for I know he was surprised when he had to fetch the un- 
 dertaker. 
 
 I couldn't help thinking it was perhaps as well that the man 
 had his dinner first, for he would certainly have had no inclina- 
 tion to eat just then, and the poor child was too far gone to 
 krow anyone. No one but the nurse knew he was dead ; he had 
 passed away so quietly. 
 
 I was very careful after that not to give Williams any more 
 beer, "or I fancied the man had a great love for it, and I was 
 afraid there would be another Johnson in the place, but I should 
 have got on better with the man if I hadn't possessed such timid 
 notiono, but I couldn't help it. 
 
 The last situation I had lived in some years previous to that, 
 the servants had taken the liberty to rob the wine-cellar when
 
 133 
 
 the Master and Mistress were from home, and the girls where 
 sent to prison. Lizzie said to me once Mrs. Geoffrey Brown 
 wondered if I was one of the girls, it made me feel troub'ed, 
 for the Old Garieier had trUed to me about it, he said it would 
 have been better if the Mas.c ■ had never prosecuted the girls it 
 had caused the place to get such a bad name, while everybody 
 was afraid to go and live there, and those that did go were lightly 
 though: of, it made me feel more determined than ever to make 
 a book, just to satisfy everybody's idle curiosity. 
 
 A good tongue is a good weapon. 
 
 In the multitude of Counsellors there is safety. 
 
 As there are some faults that have been termed faults on the 
 right side, .0 there "re some errors that might be denominated 
 errors on tl ■ safe side ; "-'lus we seldom regret having been too 
 mild, too cautious, or too humble, but we often repent having 
 been too violent, too precipitate or too proud. 
 
 If 'tis a happiness to be nobly descended, tis no less to have 
 so much merit that nobody inquires whe^^'^r you are so or no. — 
 
 La Bruycre. 
 
 A man is more faithful in keeping the secrets of others than.
 
 134 
 
 liis own. A woman, on the contrary, keeps her own secrets 
 better than those of others. — La Bruyere, 
 
 The first thing to be done in every mischance, is to consider 
 of the best possible way of getting out of the scrape. 
 
 The slave has but one master ; the ambitious man has many 
 masters, as there are persons whose aid may contribui i to the 
 advancement of his fortune. 
 
 Dogs bark as they are bred. 
 Real fidelity prospers. 
 Care for high things. 
 
 Not wealth but mind. 
 
 Difficulties give way to diligence. 
 
 Care to our coffin adds a nail no doubt. 
 
 And every grin so merry draws one out. — Dr. /. IVakot.
 
 136 
 
 What a tug of war it has been, and the number of times I 
 have waved the flag of truce, making myself look ridiculous. I 
 always had that weakness and everybody knows it. I have 
 grown quite selfish, and I told the lawyer so. I said to him I 
 have plenty of money to make a book. O, indeed, he said, where 
 have you got it from ? I replied that I had scratched it out of 
 the earth, but I havn't strength to scratch any longer, and my 
 Uncle says I've to spend all the money on myself instead of the 
 Geoffrey Browns, so now, Mr. Lawyer, that's the only way to 
 cure me of the bad habit of talking to myself. 
 
 My Uncle says he once heard a lawyer talking to himself in 
 the street. He talked so loud that everyone could hear him. 
 At last he got quite excited and shouted, we have her, if only 
 our evidence stands good. 1 laughed when my Uncle told the 
 tale. I said that is no doubt what the Geoffrey Browns are 
 thinking about me makes them keep so quiet. If only our 
 evidence stands good we have her. Aye dear, what fun. 
 
 '• Courage mounteth with occasion." — Shakespeare. 
 
 Virtue alwavs fourishes.' 
 
 " True conscious honour is to feel no sin, 
 He's armed without that's innocent within." — Horace. 
 
 Crosses are ladders to heaven.
 
 136 
 " Gifts break rocks.' 
 
 "Good bargains are pick pockets." 
 
 " Courage is greater than the sword. 
 
 "Providence is greater than fate." 
 
 " The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." 
 
 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures ; he leadeth me 
 beside the still waters ; he restoreth my soul ; he leadeth me in 
 the paths of righteousness, for his name's sake. 
 
 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death 
 I will fear no evil, for thou art with me ; thy rod and thy staff, 
 they comfort me.
 
 137 
 
 Thou prepares! a table before me, in the presence of mine 
 enimies ; thou anointest my head with oil ; my cup runneth over. 
 
 Surely, goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my 
 life, and I will dwell in the house of the^Lord for ever. Twenty^ 
 third Psalm. 
 
 Through all the changing scenes of life 
 
 In trouble and in joy ; 
 The praises of my God shall still 
 
 My heart and tongue employ. 
 
 O magnify the Lord with me, 
 
 With me exalt his wQlTrq, ; 
 When in distress to him I called, 
 
 He to my rescue came. 
 
 The hosts of God encamp around 
 
 The dwellings of the just ; 
 Deliverance he affords to all 
 
 Who on his succour trust. 
 
 O make but trial of his love, 
 
 Experience shall decide 
 How blessed are they, and only they 
 
 Who in his truth confide. 
 
 Fear him, ye Saints, and you will then 
 
 Have nothing else to fear ; 
 Make you his service your delight, 
 
 Your wants shall be his care.
 
 66 
 
 To Father, Son, and Holy Ghost 
 The God whom we adore ; 
 
 Be glory as it was, is now 
 And shall be evermore. 
 
 " I will always give thanks unto the Lord ; his praise shall 
 ever be in my mouth."
 
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