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 /
 
 THE CONFESSIONS 
 
 OF 
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 BY 
 
 CHARLES LEVER. 
 
 NEW YORK: 
 
 JOHN B. ALDEN, PUBLISHER 
 1893,
 
 PREFATORY EPISTLE. 
 
 Dear Public, — When I first set about recording the scenes 
 which occupy these pages, I had no intention of con- 
 tinuing them, except in such stray and scattered fragments 
 as the columns of a Magazine* permit of; and when, at 
 length, I discovered that some interest had attached not 
 only to the adventures, but to the narrator, I would gladly 
 have retired with my " little laurels " from a stage, on which, 
 having only engaged to appear between the acts, I was 
 destined to come forward as a principal character. 
 
 Among the " miseries of human life " a most touching one 
 is spoken of — the being obliged to listen to the repetition 
 of a badly sung song, because some well-wishing, but not 
 over-discreet, friend of the singer has called loudly for an 
 
 I begin very much to fear that something of the kind has 
 taken place here, and that I should have acted a wiser part, 
 had I been contented with even the still small voice of a few 
 partial friends, and retired from the boards in the pleasing 
 delusion of success ; but, unfortunately, the same easy tem- 
 perament that has so often involved me before, has been faith- 
 ful to me here ; and when you pretended to be pleased, 
 unluckily I believed you. 
 
 So much of apology for the matter — a little now for the 
 manner of my offending, and I have done. I wrote as I felt 
 — sometimes in good spirits, sometimes in bad — always 
 carelessly — for, God help me, I can do no better. 
 
 When the celibacy of the Fellows of Trinity College, 
 Dublin, became an active law in that University, the Board 
 proceeded to enforce it, by summoning to their presence all 
 the individuals who, it was well known, had transgressed the 
 
 *The Dublin University Magazine.
 
 PKEFA TOR Y EPISTLE. 
 
 regulation, and among them figured Dr. S., many of whose 
 sons were at the same time students in the college. " Are 
 you married, Dr. S — r ? " said the bachelor vice-provost, 
 in all the dignity and pride of conscious innocence. " Mar- 
 ried ? " said the father of ten children, with a start of invol- 
 untary horror — "married?" " Yes, sir, married." "Why, 
 sir, I am no more married than the provost." This was 
 quite enough — no further questions were asked, and 
 the head of the University preferred a merciful course 
 towards the offender, to repudiating his wife and disowning 
 his children. Now for the application. Certain captious 
 and incredulous people " have doubted the veracity of the 
 adventures I have recorded in these pages ; I do not think 
 it necessary to appeal to the concurrent testimony and cred- 
 ible witnesses for their proof; but I pledge myself to the 
 fact that every tittle I have related is as true as that my 
 name is Lorrequer — need I say more ? 
 
 Another objection has been made to my narrative, and I 
 cannot pass it by without a word of remark : " These confes- 
 sions are wanting in scenes of touching and pathetic inter- 
 est." True, quite true, but I console myself on this head, 
 for I remember hearing of an author whose paraphrase 
 of the book of Job was refused by a publisher, if he could 
 not throw a little more humor into it ; and if I have not been 
 more miserable and more unhappy, I am very sorry for it on 
 your account, but you must excuse my regretting it on my 
 own. Another story, and I have done. The Newgate Cal- 
 endar makes mention of a notorious housebreaker, who 
 closed his career of outrage and violence by the murder of a 
 whole family, whose house he robbed; on the scaffold he 
 entreated permission to speak a few words to the crowd 
 beneath, and thus addressed them : " My friends, it is quite 
 true I murdered this family; in cold blood I did it — one by 
 one they fell beneath my hand, while I rifled their coffers, and 
 took forth their effects ; but one thing is imputed to me, 
 which I cannot die without denying: it is asserted that I 
 stole an extinguisher ; the contemptible character of this petty 
 theft is a stain upon my reputation that I cannot suffer to dis- 
 grace my memory." So would I now address you for all 
 the graver offenses of my book. I stand forth guilty — mis- 
 erably, palpably guilty — they are mine, every one of them, 
 and 1 dare not, cannot deny them; but if you think that 
 ' blunders in French and the hash of spelling, so widely
 
 J'NEFA TOR V EPTSTLE. 7 
 
 spread through these pages, are attributable to me, on the 
 faith of a gentleman 1 pledge myself you are wrong, and 
 that I had nothing to do with them. If my thanks for the kind- 
 ness and indulgence with which these hastily written and 
 rashly conceived sketches have been received by the press 
 and the public, are of any avail, let me add, in conclusion, 
 that a more grateful author does not exist than 
 
 Harry Lorrequer.
 
 A WORD OF INTRODUCTION. 
 
 " Story ! God bless you ! I have none to tell, sir." 
 
 It is now many — do not ask me to say how many — years 
 since I received from the Horse Guards the welcome intelli- 
 gence that I was gazetted to an ensigncy in his Majesty's 
 — th Foot, and that my name, which had figured so long in 
 the " Duke's " list, with the words " a very hard case " ap- 
 pended, should at length appear in the monthly record of 
 promotions and appointments. 
 
 Since then my life has been passed in all the vicissitudes 
 of war and peace. The camp and the bivouac — the reck- 
 less gayety of the mess-table — the comfortless solitude of a 
 French prison — the exciting turmoils of active service — the 
 wearisome monotony of garrison duty, I have alike partaken 
 of and experienced. A career of this kind, with a tempera- 
 ment ever ready to go with the humor of those about him, will 
 always be sure of its meed of adventure. Such has mine 
 been; and with no greater pretensions than to chronicle a 
 few of the scenes in which I have borne a part, and revive 
 the memory of the other actors in them — some, alas ! now no 
 more — I have ventured upon these " Confessions." 
 
 If I have not here selected that portion of my life which 
 most abounded in striking events and incidents most worthy 
 of recording, my excuse is simply, because, being my first 
 appearance upon the boards, I preferred accustoming my- 
 self to the look of the house, while performing the " Cock," 
 to coming before the audience in the more difficult part of 
 Hamlet. 
 
 As there are unhappily impracticable people in the world, 
 who, as Curran expressed it, are never content to know 
 " who killed the gauger, if you can't inform them who wore 
 his corduroys " — to all such I would, in deep humility, say,
 
 io ./ WORD OF INTRODW /VOX. 
 
 that with my " Confessions " they have nothing to do — I 
 have neither story nor moral — my only pretension to the one 
 is the details of a passion which marked some years of my life ; 
 my only attempt at the other, the effort to show how prolific in 
 hair-breadth escapes many a man's career becomes, who, with 
 a warm imagination, and easy temper, believes too much, 
 and rarely can feign a part without forgetting that he is 
 acting. Having said thus much, I must once more bespeak 
 the indulgence never withheld from a true penitent, and at 
 once begin my " Confessions."
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 It was on a splendid morning in the autumn of the year 
 181 — that the Howard transport, with four hundred of his 
 Majesty's 4-th Regiment dropped anchor in the beautiful 
 harbor of Cove ; the sea shone under the purple light of the 
 rising sun with a rich rosy hue, beautifully in contrast with 
 the different tints of the foliage of the deep woods already 
 tinged with the brown of autumn. Spike Island lay " sleep- 
 ing upon its broad shadow," and the large ensign which 
 crowns the battery was wrapped around the flagstaff, there 
 not being even air enough to stir it. It was still so early, 
 that but few persons were abroad ; and as we leaned over 
 the bulwarks, and looked now, for the first time for eight 
 long years, upon British ground, many an eye filled, and 
 many a heaving breast told how full of recollections that 
 short moment was, and how different our feelings from the 
 gay buoyancy with which we had sailed from that same har- 
 bor for the Peninsula ; many of our best and bravest had we 
 left behind us, and more than one native to the land we 
 were approaching had found his last rest in the soil of the 
 stranger. It was, then, with a mingled sense of pain and 
 pleasure we gazed upon that peaceful little village, whose 
 white cottages lay dotted along the edge of the harbor. The 
 moody silence our thoughts had shed over us was soon 
 broken : the preparations for disembarking had begun, and I 
 recollect well to this hour how, shaking off the load that op-
 
 12 HARRY /.ORR/\)C/:R. 
 
 pressed my heart, I descended the gangway, humming poor 
 Wolfe's well-known song : 
 
 " Why, soldiers, why, 
 Should we be melancholy, boys ? " 
 
 And to this elasticity of spirits — whether the result of my 
 profession, or the gift of God — as Dogberry has it — I know 
 not — I owe the greater portion of the happiness I have en- 
 joyed in a life whose changes and vicissitudes have equalled 
 most men's. 
 
 Drawn up in line along the shore, I could scarce refrain 
 from a smile at our appearance. Four weeks on board a 
 transport will certainly not contribute much to the personnel 
 of any unfortunate therein confined ; but when, in addition 
 to this, you take into account that we had not received new 
 clothes for three years — if I except caps for our grenadiers, 
 originally intended for a Scotch regiment, but found to be 
 too small for the long-headed generation. Many a patch of 
 brown and gray variegated the faded scarlet " of our uni- 
 form," and scarcely a pair of knees in the entire regiment 
 did not confess their obligations to a blanket. But with all 
 this, we showed a stout, weather-beaten front, that, disposed 
 as the passer-by might feel to laugh at our expense, very 
 little caution would teach him it was fully as safe to indulge 
 it in his sleeve. 
 
 The bells from every steeple and tower rung gayly out a 
 peal of welcome, as we marched into " that beautiful city 
 called Cork," our band playing " Garryowen " — for we had 
 been originally raised in Ireland, and still among our officers 
 maintained a strong majority from that land of punch, 
 priests, and potatoes — the tattered flag of the regiment 
 proudly waving over our heads, and not a man amongst us 
 whose warm heart did not bound behind a Waterloo medal. 
 Well — well ! I am now — alas! that 1 should say it — some- 
 what in the " sear and yellow ; " and I confess, after the ex- 
 perience of some moments of high, triumphant feeling, that 
 I never before felt within me the same animating, spirit-fill- 
 ing glow of delight as rose within my heart that day, as I 
 marched at the head of my company clown George's street. 
 
 We were soon settled in barracks ; and then began a series 
 of entertainments on the side of the civic dignitaries of Cork, 
 which soon lid most of us to believe that we had only es-
 
 //.■/ RR V L OKU EQ I '/-A'. i j 
 
 
 Caped shot and shell to fall less gloriously beneath cham- 
 pagne and claret. I do not believe there is a coroner in the 
 island who would have pronounced but the one verdict over 
 the regiment — " Killed by the mayor and corporation," had 
 we so fallen. 
 
 First of all, we were dined by the citizens of Cork — and, 
 to do them justice, a harder drinking set of gentlemen no 
 city need boast ; then we were feasted by the corporation ; 
 then by the sheriffs ■ then came the mayor, solus ; then an 
 address, with a cold collation, that left eight of us on the 
 sick-list for a fortnight ; but the climax of all was a grand 
 entertainment given in the mansion house, and to which up- 
 wards of two thousand were invited. It was a species of 
 fancy ball, beginning by a dejeuner at three o'clock in the 
 afternoon, and ending — I never yet met the man who could 
 tell when it ended ; as for myself, my finale partook a little 
 of the adventurous, and I may as well relate it. 
 
 After waltzing for about an hour with one of the prettiest 
 girls I ever set eyes upon, and getting a tender squeeze of 
 the hand, as I restored her to a most affable-looking old lady 
 in a blue turban and a red velvet gown, who smiled 
 most benignly on me, and called me " Meejor" I retired to 
 recruit for a new attack, to a small table, where three of ours 
 were quaffing " ponehe, a la Romaine" with a crowd of Cor- 
 kagians about them, eagerly inquiring after some heroes of 
 their own city, whose deeds of arms they were surprised did 
 not obtain special mention from "the Duke," I soon ingra- 
 tiated myself into this well-occupied clique and dosed them 
 with glory to their hearts' content. I resolved at once to 
 enter into their humor ; and as the " ponehe " mounted up 
 to my brain, I gradually found my acquaintanceship ex- 
 tended to every family and connection in the country. 
 
 " Did ye know Phil Beamish of the 3-th, sir ? " said a tall 
 red-faced, red-whiskered, well-looking gentleman, who bore 
 no slight resemblance to Feargus O'Connor. 
 
 " Phil Beamish ! " said I. " Indeed I did, sir, and do 
 still ; and there is not a man in the British army I am prouder 
 of knowing." Here, by the way, I may mention that I never 
 heard the name till that moment. 
 
 " You don't say so, sir," said Feargus — for so I must call 
 him, for shortness' sake. " Has he any chance of the com- 
 pany yet, sir? " 
 
 " Company ! " said T, in astonishment. "He obtained his
 
 i 4 //,! A' A' ) ' LORRE Ql A A . 
 
 % 
 
 majority three months since. You cannot possibly have 
 heard from him lately, or you would have known that ? " 
 
 "That's true, sir. J never heard since he quitted the 3-th 
 to go to Versailles, I think they call it, for his health. But 
 how did he get the step, sir ? " 
 
 "Why, as to the company, that was remarkable enough ! " 
 said I, quaffing off a tumbler of champagne, to assist my 
 invention. " Vou know it was about four o'clock in the 
 afternoon of the 18th that Napoleon ordered Grouchy to ad- 
 vance with the first and second brigade of the Old Guard 
 and two regiments of chasseurs, and attack the position oc- 
 cupied by Picton and the regiments under his command. 
 Well, sir, on they came, masked by the smoke of a terrific 
 discharge of artillery, stationed on a small eminence to our 
 left, and which did tremendous execution among our poor 
 fellows — on they came, sir ; and as the smoke cleared par- 
 tially away we got a glimpse of them, and a more dangerous 
 looking set I should not desire to see : grizzle-bearded, hard- 
 featured, bronzed fellows, about five-and-thirty or forty years 
 of age ; their beauty not a whit improved by the red glare 
 thrown upon their faces and along the whole line by each 
 flash of the long twenty-fours that were playing away to the 
 right. Just at this moment Picton rode down the line with 
 his staff, and stopping within a few paces of me, said : 
 'They're coming up; steady, boys ; steady now; we shall 
 have something to do soon.' And then, turning round, he 
 looked in the direction of the French battery, that was 
 thundering away again in full force. ' Ah, that must be 
 silenced,' said he. 'Where's Beamish?'" — "Says Picton!" 
 interrupted Feargus, his eyes starting from their sockets, 
 and his mouth growing wider every moment, as he listened 
 with the most intense interest. "Yes," said I, slowly ; and 
 then, with all the provoking nonchalance of an Italian im- 
 provisatore, who always halts at the most exciting point of 
 his narrative, I begged a listener near me to fill my glass 
 from the iced punch beside him. Not a sound was heard 
 as I lifted the bumper to my lips; all were breathless in 
 their woundup anxiety to hear of their countryman who had 
 been selected by Picton — for what, too, they knew not yet, 
 and, indeed, at this instant J did not know myself, and 
 nearly laughed outright, for the two of ours who had remained 
 at the table had so well employed their interval of ease as to 
 become very pleasantly drunk, and were listening to my con-
 
 HA KR Y L OKREQ UER. 1 5 
 
 founded story with all the gravity and seriousness in the 
 world. 
 
 '" Where's Beamish ?' said Picton. ' Here, sir,' said Phil, 
 stepping out from the line, and touching his cap to the gen- 
 eral, who, taking him apart for a few minutes, spoke to him 
 with great animation. We did not know what he said ; but 
 before five minutes were over, there was Phil with three com- 
 panies of light bobs drawn up at our left ! their muskets at 
 the charge, they set off at a round trot down the little steep 
 which closed our flank. We had not much time to follow 
 their movements, for our own amusement began soon ; but 
 I well remember, after repelling the French attack, and 
 standing in square against two heavy charges of cuirassiers, 
 the first thing I saw where the French battery had stood, was 
 Phil Beamish and about a handful of brave fellows, all that 
 remained from the skirmish. He captured two of the 
 enemy's field-pieces, and was ' Captain Beamish' on the day 
 after." 
 
 " Long life to him ! " said at least a dozen voices behind 
 and about me, while a general clanking of decanters and 
 smacking of lips betokened that Phil's health with all the 
 honors was being celebrated. For myself, I was really so 
 engrossed by my narrative, and so excited by the " ponche," 
 that I saw or heard very little of what was passing around, 
 and have only a kind of dim recollection of being seized by 
 the hand by " Feargus," who was Beamish's brother, and 
 who, in the fullness of his heart, would have hugged me to 
 his breast, if I had not opportunely been so overpowered 
 as to fall senseless under the table. 
 
 When I first returned to consciousness, I found myself 
 lying exactly where I had fallen. Around me lay heaps of 
 slain — the two of " ours " amongst the number. One of them 
 — I remember he was the adjutant — held in his hand a wax 
 candle (three to the pound). Whether he had himself seized 
 ; t in the enthusiasm of my narrative of flood and field, or it 
 had been put there by another, I know not, but he certainly 
 cut a droll figure. The room we were in was a small one off 
 the great saloon, and through the half-open folding-door I 
 could clearly perceive that the festivities were still continued. 
 The crash of fiddles and French horns, and the tramp of 
 feet, which had lost much of their elasticity since the enter- 
 tainments began, rang through my ears, mingled with the 
 sounds "down the middle," " hands across," "here's your
 
 1 6 HARRY L ORREQUER. 
 
 partner, captain." What hour of the night or morning it then 
 was, I could not guess ; but certainly the vigor of the party 
 seemed little abated, if I might judge from the specimen be- 
 fore me, and the testimony of a short plethoric gentleman, 
 who stood wiping his bald head, after conducting his partner 
 down twenty-eight couples, and who, turning to his friend, 
 said, " Oh, the distance is nothing, but it is the pace that 
 kills." 
 
 The first anxiety I showed of any return to reason, was a 
 strong anxiety to be at my quarters ; but how to get there I 
 knew not. The faint glimmering of sense I possessed told 
 me that " to stand was to fall," and I was ashamed to go on 
 all-fours, which prudence suggested. 
 
 At this moment I remembered I had brought with me my 
 cane, which, from a perhaps pardonable vanity, I was fond 
 of parading. It was a present from the officers of my regi- 
 ment — many of them, alas, since dead — and had a most 
 splendid gold head, with a stag at the top — the arms of the 
 regiment. This I would not have lost for any consideration 
 I can mention ; and this now was gone ? I looked around 
 me on every side ; I groped beneath the table ; I turned 
 the sleeping sots who lay about in no very gentle fashion ; 
 but, alas, it was gone. I sprang to my feet, and only then 
 remembered how unfit I was to follow up the search, as 
 tables, chairs, lights, and people, seemed all rocking and wav- 
 ing before me. However, I succeeded in making my way, 
 through one room into another, sometimes guiding my steps 
 along the walls ; and once, as I recollect, seeking the diag- 
 onal of a room, I bisected a quadrille with such ill-directed 
 speed, as to run foul of a Cork dandy and his partner who 
 were just performing the "en avant:" but though I saw 
 them tumbled in the dust by the shock of my encounter — for 
 1 had upset them — I still held on the even tenor of my way. 
 In fact, I had feeling but for one loss ; and, still in pursuit of 
 my cane, I reached the hall door. Now, be it known that 
 the architecture of the Cork Mansion House has but one 
 fault, but that fault is a grand one, and a strong evidence of 
 how unsuited English architects are to provide buildings for 
 a people whose tastes and habits they but imperfectly 
 understand — be it known, then, that the descent from the 
 hall-door to the street was by a flight of twelve stone steps. 
 How I should ever get down these was now my difficulty. 
 If Falstaff deplored " eight yards of uneven ground as being
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 17 
 
 threescore and ten miles a foot," with equal truth did I feel 
 that these twelve awful steps were worse to me than would 
 be M'Gillicuddy Reeks in the daylight, and with a head 
 clear from champagne. 
 
 While I yet hesitated, the problem resolved itself ; for, 
 gazing down upon the bright gravel, brilliantly lighted by 
 the surrounding lamps, I lost my balance, and came tum- 
 bling and rolling from top to bottom, where I fell upon a large 
 mass of some soft substance, to which, in all probability, I 
 owe my life. In a few seconds I recovered my sense, and 
 what was my surprise to find that the downy cushion beneath 
 snored most audibly ! I moved a little to one side, and 
 then discovered that in reality it was nothing less than an 
 alderman of Cork, who, from his position, I concluded had 
 shared the same fate with myself ; there he lay, " like a 
 warrior taking his rest ; " but not with his " martial cloak 
 around him," but a much more comfortable and far more 
 costly robe — a scarlet gown of office — with huge velvet cuffs 
 and a great cape of the same material. True courage con- 
 sists in presence of mind ; and here mine came to my aid at 
 once; recollecting the loss I had just sustained, and per- 
 ceiving that all w r as still about me, with that right Peninsu- 
 lar maxim, that reprisals are fair in an enemy's camp, I 
 proceeded to strip the slain ; and with some little difficulty 
 — partly, indeed, owing to my own unsteadiness on my legs 
 — I succeeded in denuding the worthy alderman, who gave 
 no other sign of life during the operation than an abortive 
 effort to " hip hip hurra" in which I left him, having put 
 on the spoil, and set out on my way to the barrack with as 
 much dignity of manner as I could assume in honor of my 
 costume. And here I may mention (en parenthese) that a 
 more comfortable morning-gown no man ever possessed, 
 and in its wide luxuriant folds I revel, while I write these 
 lines. 
 
 When I awoke on the following day I had considerable 
 difficulty in tracing the events of the past evening. The 
 great scarlet cloak, however, unravelled much of the mystery, 
 and gradually the whole of my career became clear before me 
 with the single exception of the episode of Phil Beamish, 
 about which my memory was subsequently refreshed — but I 
 anticipate. Only five appeared that day at mess : and, Lord ! 
 what spectres they were! — yellow as guineas ; they called for 
 soda water without ceasing, and scarcely spoke a word to 
 
 2
 
 i i HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 each other. It was plain that the corporation of Cork was 
 committing more havoc among us than Corunnaor Waterloo, 
 and that if we did not change our quarters, there would be 
 quick promotion in the corps for such as were " seasoned 
 gentlemen." After a day or two we met again together, and 
 then what adventures were told — each man had his own 
 .story to narrate ; and from the occurrences detailed, one 
 would have supposed years had been passing, instead of the 
 short hours of an evening party. Mine were, indeed, 
 among the least remarkable; but 1 confess that the air of 
 vraisemblance produced by my production of the aldermanic 
 gown gave me the palm above all competitors. 
 
 Such was our life in Cork — dining, drinking, dancing, 
 riding steeple-chases, pigeon shooting, and tandem driving 
 tilling up any little interval that was found to exist between 
 a late breakfast and the time to dress for dinner ; and here 
 1 hope I shall not be accused of a tendency to boasting, while 
 I add, that among all ranks and degrees of men, and 
 women too, there never was a regiment more highly in esti- 
 mation than the 4-th. We felt the full value of all the at- 
 tentions we were receiving; and we endeavored, as best we 
 might, to repay them. We got up garrison balls and garrison 
 plays, and usually performed once or twice a week during the 
 winter. Here I shone conspicuously : in the morning 1 was 
 employed painting scenery and arranging the properties, as 
 it grew later, I regulated the lamps, and looked after the 
 foot-lights, mediating occasionally between angry litigant.-,, 
 whose jealousies abound to the full as much in private 
 theatricals as in the regular corps dramdtique. Then, I 
 was also leader in the orchestra ; and had scarcely given 
 the last scrape in the overture, before I was obliged to ap- 
 pear to speak the prologue. Such are the cares of great- 
 ness : to do myself justice, I did not dislike them; though, 
 to be sure, my taste for the drama did cost me a little dear, 
 as will be seen in the sequel. 
 
 We were then in the full career of popularity. Our balls 
 pronounced the very pleasantest ; our plays far superior to 
 any regular corps that had ever honored Cork with their 
 talents; when an event occurred which threw a gloom over 
 all our proceedings, and finally put a stop to every projeel 
 for amusemenl we had so completely given ourselves up to. 
 This was no less than the removal ot our lieutenant-colon •!. 
 After thirty years of active service in the regiment he then
 
 J/ARRY 1.0RRF.QV&R. 19 
 
 Commanded, his age and infirmities, increased by some 
 severe wounds, demanded ease and repose ; he retired from 
 us, bearing along with him the love and regard of every man 
 in the regiment. To the old officers, he was endeared by long 
 companionship and undeviating friendship ; to the young, he 
 was in every respect as a father, assisting by his advice, and 
 guiding by his counsel ; while to the men, the best estimate 
 of his worth appeared in the fact that corporeal punishment 
 was unknown in the corps. Such was the man we lost ; and 
 it may well be supposed that his successor, who or whatever 
 he might be came under circumstances of no common dif- 
 ficulty amongst us, but when I tell that our new lieutenant- 
 colonel was in every respect his opposite, it may be believed 
 how little cordiality he met with. 
 
 Lieutenant-colonel Garden — for so I shall call him, al- 
 though not his real name — had not been a month at 
 quarters, when he proved himself a regular martinet : -ever- 
 lasting drills, continual reports, fatigue parties, and ball 
 practice, and Heaven knows what besides, superseded our 
 former morning's occupation : and, at the end of the time I 
 have mentioned, we, who had fought our way from Albuera 
 to Waterloo, under some of the severest generals of division, 
 were pronounced a most disorderly and ill-disciplined regi- 
 ment by a colonel who had never seen a shot fired but a 
 review in Hounslow, or a sham-battle in the Fifteen Acres. 
 The winter was now drawing to a close — already some little 
 touch of spring was appearing ; as our last play for the sea- 
 son was announced, every effort to close with some little ad- 
 ditional eclat was made ; and each performer in the expected 
 piece was nerving himself for an effort beyond his wont. 
 The colonel had most unequivocally condemned these plays ; 
 but that mattered not; they came not within his jurisdiction ; 
 and we took no notice of his displeasure, further than send- 
 ing him tickets, which were as immediately returned as re- 
 ceived. From being the chief offender, I had become par- 
 ticularly obnoxious ; and he had upon more than one occasion 
 expressed his desire for an opportunity to visit me with his 
 vengeance ; but being aware of his kind intentions toward me, 
 I took particular care to let no such opportunity occur. 
 
 On the morning in question, then, I had scarcely left my 
 quarters when one of my brother officers informed me that 
 the colonel had made a great uproar, that one of the bills of 
 the play had been put up on his door — which, with his avowed
 
 20 HARRY LORREQt/ER, 
 
 dislike to such representations, he considered as intended to 
 insult him ; he added, too, that the colonel attributed it to 
 me. In this, however, he was wrong — and, to this hour, I 
 n^ver knew who did it. I had little time, and still less 
 inclination, to meditate upon the colonel's wrath — the theatre 
 had all my thoughts; and indeed it was a day of no common 
 exertion, for our amusements were to conclude with a grand 
 supper on the stage, to which all the elite of Cork were 
 invited. Whenever I went through the city — and many were 
 my peregrinations — the great placard of the play stared me 
 in the face ; and every gate and shuttered window in Cork 
 proclaimed "the part of Othello, by Mr. Lorrequer." 
 
 As evening drew near, my cares and occupations were 
 redoubled. My logo I had fears for — 'tis true he was an 
 admirable Lord Grizzle in Tom Thumb — but then — then 
 I had to paint the whole company, and bear all their abuse 
 besides, for not making some of the most ill-looking wretches 
 perfect Apollos ; but, last of all, I was sent for, at a quarter 
 to seven, to lace Desdemona's stays. Start not, gentle 
 reader— my fair Desdemona — she " who might lie by an 
 emperor's side, and command him tasks " — was no other 
 than the senior lieutenant of the regiment, and who was as 
 great a votary of the jolly god as honest Cassio himself. 
 .But I must hasten on — I cannot delay to recount our success 
 in detail. Let it suffice to say that, by universal consent, I 
 was preferred to Kean, and the only fault the most critical 
 observer could find to the representative of Desdemona was 
 a rather unlady-like fondness for snuff. But, whatever little 
 demerits our acting might have displayed were speedily 
 forgotten in a champagne supper. There I took the head of 
 the table, and, in the costume of the noble Moor, toasted, 
 made speeches, returned thanks, and sung songs, till I might 
 have exclaimed with Othello himself, " Chaos was come 
 again !" — and 1 believe 1 owe my ever reaching the barrack 
 that night to the kind offices of Desdemona, who carried me 
 the greater part of the way on her back. 
 
 The first waking thoughts of him who has indulged over- 
 night are not among the most blissful of existence, and 
 certainly the pleasure is not increased by the consciousness 
 that he is called on to the discharge of duties to which a 
 fevered pulse and throbbing temples are but ill-suited. My 
 sleep was suddenly broken in upon the morning after the 
 play by a "row-dow-dow " beat beneath my window. 1
 
 HA RR 1 ' L ORREQ UER. 2 1 
 
 jumped hastily from my bed, and looked out, and there, to my 
 honor, perceived the regiment under arms. It was one of our 
 confounded colonel's morning drills ; and there he stood 
 himself with the poor adjutant, who had been up all night, 
 shivering beside him. Some two or three of the officers had 
 descended ; and the drum was now summoning the others, as 
 it beat round the barrack-square. I saw there was not a 
 moment to lose, and proceeded to dress with all dispatch ; 
 but, to my misery, I discovered everywhere nothing but 
 theatrical robes and decorations — there lay a splendid 
 turban, here a pair of buskins — a spangled jacket glittered 
 on one table, and a jewelled cimeter on the other. At last 
 I detected my " regimental small-clothes," etc., most igno- 
 miniously thrust into a corner, in my ardor for my Moorish 
 robes the preceding evening. 
 
 I dressed myself with the speed of lightning ; but as I 
 proceeded in my occupation — guess my annoyance to find 
 that the toilet-table and glass, ay, and even the basin-stand, 
 had been removed to the dressing-room of the theatre ; and my 
 servant, I suppose, following his master's example, was too 
 tipsy to remember to bring them back ; so that I was unable 
 to procure the luxury of cold water — for now not a moment 
 more remained — the drum had ceased, and the men had all 
 fallen in. Hastily drawing on my coat, I put on my shako, 
 and buckling on my belt as dandy-like as might be, hurried 
 down the stairs to the barrack-yard. By the time I got down, 
 the men were all drawn up in line along the square ; while 
 the adjutant was proceeding to examine their accoutrements, 
 etc., as he passed down. The colonel and the officers were 
 standing in a group, but not conversing. The anger of the 
 commanding officer appeared still to continue, and there was 
 a dead silence maintained on both sides. To reach the spot 
 where they stood, I had to pass along part of the line. In 
 doing so, how shall I convey my amazement at the faces that 
 met me — a general titter ran along the entire rank, which 
 not even their fears for consequences seemed able to repress 
 — for an effort, on the part of many to stifle the laugh, only 
 ended in a still louder burst of merriment. I looked to the 
 far side of the yard for an explanation, but there was nothing 
 there to account for it. I now crossed over to where the 
 officers were standing, determining in my own mind to 
 investigate the occurrence thoroughly, when free from the 
 presence of the colonel, to whom any representation of ill
 
 22 HARR ] ' J. ORREQl 1:R. 
 
 conduct always brought a punishment far exceeding the 
 merits of the case. 
 
 Scarcely had I formed this resolve, when I reached the 
 group of officers ; but the moment I came near, one general 
 roar of laughter saluted me — the like of which I never before 
 heard. I looked down at my costume, expecting to discover 
 that, in my hurry to dress, I had put on some of the garments 
 of Othello. No : all was perfectly correct. I waited for a 
 moment, till, the first burst of merriment over, I should 
 obtain a clew to the jest. But there seemed no prospect of 
 this, for as I stood patiently before them their mirth appeared 
 
 to increase. Indeed poor G , the senior major, one of 
 
 the gravest men in Europe, laughed till the tears ran down 
 his cheeks ; and such was the effect upon me, that I was 
 induced to laugh too — as men will sometimes, from the 
 infectious nature of that strange emotion ; but, no sooner 
 did I do this, than their fun knew no bounds, and some 
 almost screamed aloud, in the excess of their merriment. 
 Just at this instant the colonel, who had been examining some 
 of the men, approached our group, advancing with an air of 
 evident displeasure, as the shouts of loud laughter continued. 
 As he came up I turned hastily round, and touching my cap, 
 wished him good morning. Never shall I forget the look he 
 gave me. If a glance could have annihilated any man, his 
 would have finished me. For a moment his face became 
 purple with rage, his eyes were almost hid beneath his bent 
 brow, and he absolutely shook with passion. 
 
 " Go, sir," said he at length, as soon as he was able to find 
 utterance for his words ; " Go, sir, to your quarters ; and be- 
 fore you leave them, a court-martial shall decide if such con- 
 tinued insult to your commanding officer warrants your name 
 being in the Army List." 
 
 "What the devil can all this mean?" I said, in a half 
 whisper, turning to the others; But there they stood, their 
 handkerchiefs to their mouths, and evidently choking with 
 suppressed laughter. 
 
 " May I beg, Colonel Garden," said I 
 
 "To your quarters, sir," roared the little man, in the voice 
 of a lion. And with a haughty wave of his hand, prevented 
 all further attempt on my part to seek explanation. 
 
 "They're all mad, every one-of them," I muttered, as I 
 betook myself slowly back to my rooms, amid the same evi- 
 dences of mirth my first appearance had excited — which even
 
 J JAR R Y LORREQCJER. 2 j 
 
 the colonel's presence, feared as he was, could not entirely 
 subdue. 
 
 With the air of a martyr I trod heavily up the stairs, and 
 entered my quarters, meditating within myself awful schemes 
 for vengeance on the now open tyranny of my colonel ; upon 
 whom, I too, in my honest rectitude of heart, vowed to have 
 " a court martial." I threw myself upon a chair, and endeavored 
 to recollect what circumstance of the past evening could have 
 possibly suggested all the mirth in which both officers and 
 men seemed to participate equally ; but nothing could I 
 remember, capable of solving the mystery — surely the cruel 
 wrongs of the manly Othello were no laughter-moving subject. 
 
 I rang the bell hastily for my servant. The door opened. 
 
 " Stubbes," said I, ''are you aware " 
 
 I had only got so far in my question, when my servant, one 
 of the most discreet of men, put on a broad grin, and turned 
 away toward the door to hide his face. 
 
 "What the devil does this mean?" said I, stamping with 
 passion ; " he is as bad as the rest. Stubbes," and this I 
 spoke in the most grave and severe tone," what is the meaning 
 of this insolence ?" 
 
 " Oh, sir," said the man ; " Oh, sir, surely you did not appear 
 on the parade with that face ? " and then he burst into a fit 
 of the most uncontrollable laughter. 
 
 Like lightning a horrid doubt shot across my mind. I 
 sprang over to the dressing glass, which had been replaced, 
 and oh ! horror of horrors ! there I stood as black as the king 
 of Ashantee. The cursed dye which I had put on for Othello, 
 I had never washed off — and there, with a huge bear-skin 
 shako, and a pair of black, bushy whiskers, shone my huge, 
 black and polished visage, glowering at itself in the looking- 
 glass. 
 
 My first impulse, after amazement had a little subsided, 
 was to laugh immoderately ; in this I was joined by Stubbes, 
 who, feeling that his mirth was participated in, gave full vent 
 to his risibility. And, indeed, as I stood before the glass, 
 grinning from ear to ear I felt very little surprise that my 
 joining in the laughter of my brother officers, a short time 
 before, had caused an increase of their merriment. I threw 
 myself upon a sofa, and absolutely laughed till ray sides ached, 
 when the door opening, the adjutant made his appearance. 
 He looked for a moment at me, then at Stubbes, and then 
 burst out himself, as luud as either of us. When he had at
 
 24 HARRY I. ORRE{ H r £ '■. 
 
 length recovered himself he wiped his face with hishandkei- 
 chief, and said with a tone of much gravity : 
 
 " But, my dear Lorrequer, this will be a serious — a devilish 
 serious affair. You know what kind of man Colonel Garden 
 is; and you are aware, too, you are not one cf his prime 
 favorites. He is firmly convinced that you intended to insult 
 him, and nothing will convince him to the contrary. We told 
 him how it must have occurred, but he will listen to no ex- 
 planation:" 
 
 I thought for one second before I replied ; my mind, with 
 the practiced rapidity of an old campaigner, took in all the 
 pros and cons of the case ; I saw at a glance, it were better to 
 brave the anger of the colonel come in what shape it might, 
 than be the laughing-stock of the mess for life, and with a 
 face of the greatest gravity and self-possession, said : 
 
 " Well, adjutant, the colonel is right. It was no mistake ! 
 You know I sent him tickets yesterday for the theatre. Well, 
 he returned them ; this did not annoy me, but on one account ; 
 I had made a wager with Alderman Gullable, that the colonel 
 should see me in Othello — what was to be done? Don't you 
 see now, there was only one course, and I took it, old boy, 
 and have won my bet." 
 
 " And lost your commission for a dozen of champagne, I 
 suppose," said the adjutant. 
 
 " Never mind, my dear fellow," T replied ; " I shall get out 
 of this scrape, as I have done many others." 
 
 " But what do you intend doing? " 
 
 "Oh, as to that," said I, " I shall, of course, wait on the 
 colonel immediately ; pretend to him that it was a mere blun- 
 der, from the inattention of my servant — hand over Stubbes 
 to the powers that punish* here the poor fellow winced a little ), 
 and make my peace as well as I can. But, adjutant, mind," 
 said I, ''and ■ e (lie reversion to all our fellows, and tell 
 them to make it public as mm h as they please," 
 
 " Never fear," said he, as he k ft the room still laughing ; 
 "they shall all know the true story; but 1 wish with all my 
 heart you were well out of it." 
 
 I now lost no time in making my toilet, and presented 
 myself at the colonel's quarters* It is no pleasure for me 
 to recount these passages in my life, in which I have had to 
 bear the " proud man's contumely." I shall therefore 
 merely observe, that after a very long interview, the colonel 
 accepted my apologies, and we parted.
 
 HARRY J.ORRF.Qrr.R. 25 
 
 Before a week elapsed, the story had gone far and near; 
 every dinner-table in Cork had laughed r.t it. As for me, I 
 attained immortal honor from my tact and courage, l'oor 
 Gullable readily agreed to favor the story, and gave us a 
 dinner as the lost wager, and the colonel was so unmer- 
 cifully quizzed on the subject, and such broad allusions to 
 his being humbugged were given in the Cork papers, that 
 he was obliged to negotiate a change of quarters with 
 another regiment, to get out of the continual jesting, and in 
 less than a month we marched to Limerick, to relieve, as 
 it was reported, the 9th, ordered for foreign service, but, in 
 reality, only to relieve Lieutenant-colonel Carden, quizzed 
 beyond endurance. 
 
 However, if the colonel had seemed to forgive, he did 
 not forget, for the very second week after our arrival in 
 Limerick, I received one morning at my breakfast-table, the 
 following brief note from our adjutant : 
 
 " My dear Lorrequer : — The colonel has received 
 orders to dispatch two companies to some remote part 
 of the county Clare ; as you have ' done the state some 
 service,' you are selected for the beautiful town of Kilrush, 
 where, to use the eulogistic language of the geography 
 books, ' there is a good harbor, and a market plentifully 
 supplied with fish.' I have just heard of the kind intention 
 in store for you, and lose no time in letting you know. 
 
 "God give you a good deliverance from the l gdrfons 
 i/antrs,' the Monsieur calls the Whiteboys, and believe me 
 ever yours, 
 
 " Charles Curzon." 
 
 I had scarcely twice read over the adjutant's epistle, 
 when 1 received an official notification from the colonel, 
 directing me to proceed to Kilrush, then and there to afford 
 all aid and assistance in suppressing illicit distillation when 
 called on for that purpose ; and other similar duties too 
 agreeable to recapitulate. Alas ! alas ! " Othello's occupa- 
 tion" was indeed gone ! The next morning at sunrise saw 
 me on my march, with what appearance of gayety I could 
 muster, but in reality very much chopfallen at my banish- 
 ment, and invoking sundry things upon the devoted head of 
 the colonel, which he would by no means consider as 
 " blessings."
 
 .-.. llAkRY /<>/:/■:/■(>/■/■ A\ 
 
 How short-sighted are we mortals, whether enjoying all 
 the pomp and state of royally, or marching like myself at 
 the head of a company of his Majesty's 4-th. 
 
 Little, indeed, did 1 anticipate that the Siberia to which I 
 fancied I was condemned, should turn out the happiest 
 quarters my fate ever threw me into. But this, including as 
 it does, one of the most important events of my life, I 
 reserve for another chapter. 
 
 " What is that place called, sergeant ? " 
 
 " Bunratty Castle, sir." 
 
 " Where do we breakfast ? " 
 
 " At Clare Island, sir." 
 
 " March away, boys ! " 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 DETACHMENT DUTY — THE BURTON ARMS — CALLONBY. 
 
 For a week after my arrival at Kilrush, my life was one 
 of the most dreary monotony. The rain which had begun to 
 fall as I left Limerick, continued to descend in torrents, and 
 I found myself a close prisoner in the sanded parlor of 
 " mine inn." At no time would such " durance vile " have 
 been agreeable ; but now, when I contrasted it with all I had 
 left behind at headquarters, it was absolutely maddening. 
 The pleasant lounge in the morning, the social mess, and 
 the agreeable evening party, were all exchanged for a short 
 promenade of fourteen feet in one direction, and twelve in 
 the other, such being the accurate measurement of my 
 " salle a manger." A chicken with legs as blue as a 
 Highlander's in winter, for my dinner ; and the hours that 
 all Christian mankind were devoting to pleasant intercourse 
 and agreeable chit-chat spent in beating that dead march 
 to time, "the Devil's Tattoo," upon my rickety table, and 
 forming between whiles sundry valorous resolutions to re- 
 form my life, and "eschew sack and loose company." 
 
 My front window looked out upon a long, straggling, ill- 
 paved street, with its due proportion of mud-heaps and duck 
 pools ; the houses on either side were, for tin. 4 most part 
 din^y-looking edifices, with half-doors, and such pretension 
 to ln-ing shops as a quart of meal or salt displayed in the
 
 JIARRY LORREQUER. 27 
 
 window confers ; or sometimes two tobacco-pipes, placed 
 " saltier-wise," would appear the only vendible article in the 
 establishment. A more wretched, gloomy-looking picture of 
 woebegone poverty I never beheld. 
 
 If I turned for consolation to the back of the house, my 
 eves fell upon the dirty yard of a dirty inn ; the half thatched 
 cow-shed, where two famished animals mourned their hard 
 fate — " chewing the cud of sweet and bitter fancy," the 
 chaise, the yellow post-chaise, once the pride and glory of 
 the establishment, now stood reduced from its wheels and 
 ignominiously degraded to a hen-house; on the grass-grown 
 roof a cock had taken his stand, with an air of protective 
 patronage to the feathered inhabitants beneath. 
 
 " To what base uses must we come at last.'' 
 
 That chaise, which once had conveyed the blooming 
 bride, all blushes and tenderness, and the happy groom, on 
 their honeymoon visit to Ballybunion and its romantic 
 caves, or to the gigantic cliffs and sea-girt shores of Moher 
 — or with more steady pace and becoming gravity had 
 borne along the "going judge of assize, - ' was now become a 
 lying-in hospital for fowl and a nursery for chickens. Fallen 
 as I was myself from my high estate, it afforded me a 
 species of malicious satisfaction to contemplate these re- 
 verses of fortune ; and I verily believe — for on such slight 
 foundation oar greatest resolves are built — that if the rain 
 had continued a week longer, I should have become a 
 misanthropist for life. I made many inquiries from my 
 landlady as to the society of the place, but the answers I 
 received only led to greater despondence. My predecessors 
 here, it seemed, had been an officer of a veteran battalion, 
 with a wife, and that amount of children which is algebrai- 
 cally expressed by an X (meaning an unknown quantity.) 
 lie, good man, in his two years' sojourn here, had been 
 much more solicitous about his own affairs, than making 
 acquaintance with his neighbors : and at last, the few persons 
 who had been in the habit of calling on " the officer," gave 
 up the practice : and as there were no young ladies to 
 refresh Pa's memory on the matter, they soon forgot com- 
 pletely that such a person existed — and to this happy ob- 
 livion I, Harry Lorrequer, succeeded, and was thus left, 
 without benefit of clergy, to the tender mercies of "Mrs, 
 Healy of the Burton Arms,
 
 Z 6 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 As during the inundation which deluged the whole coun- 
 try around I was unable to stir from the house, I enjoyed 
 abundant opportunity of cultivating the acquaintance of my 
 hostess, and it is but fair that my reader, who has journeyed 
 so far with me, should have an introduction. 
 
 Mrs. Healy, the sole proprietor of the " Burton Arms," 
 was of some five and fifty — " or by'r lady/' threescore years 
 — of a rubicund and hale complexion ; and though her short 
 neck and corpulent figure might have set her down as 
 "doubly hazardous," she looked a good life for many years 
 to come. In height and breadth she most nearly resembled 
 a sugar-hogshead, whose rolling, pitching motion, when 
 trundled along on edge, she emulated in her gait. To the 
 ungainliness of her figure her mode of dressing not a little 
 contributed. She usually wore a thick linsey-woolsey gown, 
 with enormous pockets on either side, and like Nora 
 Creina's, it certainly inflicted no undue restrictions upon 
 her charms, but left 
 
 " Every beauty free, 
 To sink or swell as heaven pleases." 
 
 Her feet — ye gods ! such feet — were apparelled in listing 
 slippers, over which the upholstery of her ankles descended, 
 and completely relieved the mind of the spectator as to the 
 superincumbent weight being disproportioned to the sup- 
 port ; I remember well my first impression on seeing, those 
 feet and ankles reposing upon a straw footstool, while she 
 took her afternoon doze, and I wondered within myself, if 
 elephants were liable to the gout. There are few counte- 
 nances in the world, that, if wishing to convey an idea of, we 
 cannot refer to some well-known standard, and thus nothing 
 is more common than to hear comparisons with " Vulcan — 
 Venus — Nicodemus," and the like ; but in the present case 
 I am totally at a loss for anything resembling the face of the 
 worthy Mrs. Healy, except it be, perhaps, that most ancient 
 and sour visage we used to see upon old circular iron rap- 
 pers formerly — they make none of them now — the only 
 difference being, that Mrs. Healy's nose had no ring through 
 it ; I am almost tempted to add, " more's the pity." 
 
 Such was she " in the flesh ; " would that I could say she 
 was more fascinating in the " spirit ! " but alas, truth, from 
 which I never may depart in these " my confessions," con- 
 strains me to acknowledge the reverse. Most persons in this
 
 BARR i ' L ORREQUER. 29 
 
 miserable world of ours have some prevailing, predominat- 
 ing characteristic, which usually gives the tone and color to 
 all their thoughts and actions, forming what we denominate 
 temperament ; this we see actuating them, now more, now 
 less ; but rarely, however, is this great spring of action with- 
 out its moments of repose. Not so with her of whom I have 
 been* speaking. She had but one passion — but like Aaron's 
 rod, it had a most consuming tendency — and that was to 
 scold and abuse all whom hard fate had brought within the 
 unfortunate limits of her tyranny. The English language, 
 comprehensive as it is, afforded not epithets strong enough 
 for her wrath, and she sought among the more classic beauties 
 of her native Irish, such additional ones as served her need, 
 and with this holy alliance of tongues she had been for years 
 long the dread and terror of the entire village. 
 
 " The dawning of morn, the day-light sinking," 
 
 ay, and even the " night's dull hours," it was said, too, found 
 her laboring in her congenial occupation; and while thus 
 she continued to " scold and grow fat," her inn, once a popu- 
 lar and frequented one, became gradually less and less fre- 
 quented, and the dragon of the Rhine-fells did not more 
 effectually lay waste the territory about him than did the evil 
 influence of her tongue spread desolation and ruin around 
 her. Her inn, at the time of my visit, had not been troubled 
 with even a passing traveller for many months ; and, indeed, 
 if I had had any, even the least foreknowledge of the charac- 
 ter of my hostess, its privacy should still have remained 
 uninvaded for some time longer. 
 
 I had not been many hours installed, when I got a speci- 
 men of her powers ; and before the first week was over, so 
 constant and unremitting were her labors in this way, that I 
 have, upon the occasion of a slight lull in the storm, occa- 
 sioned by her falling asleep, actually left my room to inquire 
 if anything had gone wrong, in the same way as the miller 
 is said to awake, if the mill stops. I trust I have said 
 enough, to move the reader's pity and compassion for my 
 situation — one more miserable it is difficult to conceive. It 
 may be thought that much might be done by management, 
 and that a slight exercise of the favorite Whig plan of con- 
 ciliation might avail. Nothing of the kind. She was proof 
 against all such arts ; and what was still worse, there was no 
 subject, no possible circumstance, no matter, past, present,
 
 3 o HA R R }'/.<> R A' /■: ( > 6 r £" A\ 
 
 or to come, that she could not wind by her diabolical 
 ingenuity, into some cause of offence ; and then came the 
 quick transition to instant punishment. Thus my apparently 
 harmless inquiry as to the society of the neighborhood, 
 suggested to her — a wish on my part to make acquaintance 
 — therefore to dine out — therefore not to dine at home — 
 consequently to escape paying half a crown and devouring 
 a chicken — therefore to defraud her, and behave as she 
 would herself observe, " like a beggarly scullion, with his 
 four shillings a day, setting up for a gentleman,"' etc. 
 
 By a quiet and Job-like endurance of all manner of taunt- 
 ing suspicions, and unmerited sarcasms, to which I daily 
 become more reconciled, I absolutely rose into something 
 like favor, and before the first month of my banishment 
 expired, had got the length of an invitation to tea, in her 
 own snuggery — an honor never known to be bestowed on any 
 before, with the exception of Father Malachi Brennan, her 
 ghostly adviser ; and even he, it is said, never ventured on 
 such an approximation to intimacy, until he was, in KJlrush 
 phrase, " half screwed," thereby meaning more than half 
 tipsy. From time to time thus, f learned from my hostess 
 such particulars of the country and its inhabitants as I was 
 desirous of hearing; and among other matters she gave me 
 an account of the great landed proprietor himself, Lord 
 Callonby, who was daily expected at his seat, within some 
 miles of Kilrush, at the same time assuring me that I need 
 not be looking so "pleased and curling out my whiskers; " 
 " that they'd never take the trouble of asking even the name 
 of me." This, though neither very courteous, nor alto- 
 gether flattering to listen to, was no more than I had already 
 learned from some brother officers who knew this quarter, 
 and who informed me that the Earl of Callonby, though only 
 visiting his Irish estates every three or four years, never took 
 the slightest notice of any of the military in his neighbor- 
 hood : nor indeed, did he mix with the country gentry, con- 
 fining himself to his own family, or the guests who usually 
 accompanied him from England, and remained during his 
 few weeks' stay. My impression of Ins lordship was, there- 
 fore, not calculated to cheer my solitude by any prospect 
 of his rendering ii lighter. 
 
 The Fail's family consisted of her ladyship, an only son, 
 nearly of age, and two daughters; the eldest. Lady Jane, 
 had the reputation of being extremely beautiful ; and I re-
 
 j/aa'K) /j>a'A'/:(>/-/-:a: jr 
 
 membered when she came out in London, only the year be- 
 fore, hearing nothing but praises of the grace and elegance 
 of her manner, united to the most classic beauty of her face 
 and figure. The second daughter was some years younger, 
 and said to be also very handsome ; but as yet she had not 
 been brought into society. Of the son, Lord Kilkee, I only 
 heard that he had been a very gay fellow at Oxford, where 
 he was much liked, and although not particularly studious, 
 had given evidence of talent. 
 
 Such were the few particulars I obtained of my neighbors, 
 and thus little did I know of those who were so soon to exer- 
 cise a most important influence upon my future life. 
 
 After some weeks' close confinement, which, judging from 
 my feelings alone, I should have counted as many years, I 
 eagerly seized the opportunity of the first glimpse of sun- 
 shine, to make a short excursion along the coast ; I started 
 early in the morning, and after a long stroll along the bold 
 headlands of Kilkee, was returning late in the evening to 
 my lodgings. My path lay across a wild, bleak moor, dotted 
 with low clumps of furze, and not presenting on any side the 
 least trace of habitation. In wading through the tangled 
 bushes, my dog " Mouche " started a hare ; and after a run 
 " sharp, short and decisive," killed it at the bottom of a little 
 glen some hundred yards off. 
 
 I was just patting my dog, and examining the prize, when 
 I heard a crackling among the low bushes near me ; and on 
 looking up, perceived about twenty paces distant, a short, 
 thick-set man, whose fustian jacket and leathern gaiters at 
 once announced him the gamekeeper ; he stood leaning upon 
 his gun, quietly awaiting, as it seemed, for any movement on 
 my part, before he interfered. With one glance I detected 
 how matters stood, and immediately adopting my usual 
 policy of " taking the bull by the horns," called out, in a tone 
 of very sufficient authority : 
 
 " I say, my man, are you his lordship's gamekeeper ? " 
 
 Taking off his hat, the man approached me, and very 
 respectfully informed me that he was. 
 
 " Well, then," said I, " present this hare to his lordship 
 with my respects ; here is my card, and say I shall be most 
 happy to wait on him in the morning and explain the cir- 
 cumstances." 
 
 The man took the card, and seemed for some moments 
 undecided how to act ; he seemed to think that probably he
 
 32 HARRY L ORREQ UER. 
 
 might be ill-treating a friend of his lordship's if he refused ; 
 and on the other hand might be merely " jockeyed " by some 
 bold-faced poacher. Meanwhile 1 whistled my dog close 
 up, and humming an air, with great appearance of indiffer- 
 ence, stepped out homeward. By this piece of presence of 
 mind I saved poor " Mouche ; " for I saw at a glance, that, 
 with true gamekeeper's law, he had been destined to death 
 the moment he had committed the offence. 
 
 The following morning, as I sat at breakfast, meditating 
 upon the events of the preceding day, and not exactly de- 
 termined how to act, whether to write to his lordship explain- 
 ing how the matter occurred, or call personally, a loud 
 rattling on the pavement drew me to the window. As the 
 house stood at the end of a street, I could not see in the 
 direction the noise came ; but as I listened, a very handsome 
 tandem turned the corner of the narrow street, and came 
 along toward the hotel at a long, sling trot ; the horses were 
 dark chestnuts, well matched, and showing a deal of blood. 
 The carriage was a dark drab, with black wheels ; the har- 
 ness all of the same color. The whole turn-out — and I was 
 an amateur of that sort of thing — was perfect ; the driver, 
 for I come to him at last, as he was the last I looked at, was 
 a fashionable looking young fellow, plainly, but knowingly 
 dressed, and evidently handling the " ribbon " like an experi- 
 enced whip. 
 
 After bringing his nags up to the inn door in very pretty 
 style, he gave the reins to his servant, and got down. Before 
 I was well aware of it, the door of my room opened, and the 
 gentleman entered with a certain easy air of good-breeding, 
 and saying : 
 
 " Mr. Lorrequer, I presume — " introduced himself as Lord 
 Kilkee. 
 
 I immediately opened the conversation by an apology for 
 my dog's misconduct on the day before, and assured his 
 lordship that I knew the value of a hare in a hunting coun- 
 try, and was really sorry for the circumstance. 
 
 " Then 1 must say," replied his lordship, " Mr. Lorrequer 
 is the only person who regrets the matter ; for had it not 
 been for this, it is more than probable we should never have 
 known we were so near neighbors ; in fact, nothing could 
 equal our amazement at hearing you were playing the ' Soli- 
 taire ' down here. You must have found it dreadfully heavy, 
 'and have thought us downright savages.' But then I must,
 
 HARRY LORRF.QUER. 33 
 
 explain to you, that my father has made some 'rule absolute ' 
 about visiting when down here. And though I know you'll 
 not consider it a compliment, yet I can assure you there is 
 not another man I know of he would pay attention to 
 but yourself. He made two efforts to get here this morning, 
 but the ' gout would not be denied,' and so he deputed a 
 most inferior ' diplomate ; ' and now will you let me return 
 with some character from my first mission, and inform my 
 friends that you will dine with us to-day at seven — a mere 
 family party ; but make your arrangements to stop all night 
 and to-morrow : we shall find some work for my friend 
 there on the hearth ; what do you call him, Mr. Lorrequer ? '* 
 
 " ' Mouche ' — come here, ' Mouche.' " 
 
 "Ah ' Mouche,' come here my fine fellow — a splendid dog 
 indeed ; very tall for a thorough-bred ; and now you'll not 
 forget, seven, ' terns militaire,' and so, sans adieu." 
 
 And with these words his lordship shook me heartily by 
 the hand ; and before two minutes had elapsed, had wrapped 
 his box coat once more across him, and was round the 
 corner. 
 
 I looked for a few moments on the again silent street, and 
 was almost tempted to believe I was in a dream, so rapidly 
 had the preceding moments passed over ; and so surprised 
 was I to find that the proud Earl of Callonby, who never did 
 the " civil thing " anywhere, should think proper to pay 
 attention to a poor sub in a marching regiment, whose only 
 claim on his acquaintance was the suspicion of poaching on 
 his manor. I repeated over and over all his lordship's most 
 polite speeches, trying to solve the mystery of them ; but in 
 vain ; a thousand explanations occurred, but none of them I 
 felt at all satisfactory; but that there was some mystery 
 somewhere, I had no doubt ; for I remarked all through that 
 Lord Kiikee laid some stress upon my identity, and even 
 seemed surprised at my being in such banishment. " Oh," 
 thought I at last, " his lordship is about to get up private 
 theatricals, and has seen my Captain Absolute, or perhaps 
 my Hamlet " — I could not say " Othello," even to myself — 
 " and is anxious to get ' such unrivalled talent ' even for ' one 
 night only.' " 
 
 After many guesses this seemed the nearest I could think 
 of : and by the time I had finished my dressing for dinner, 
 it was quite clear to me I had solved all the secret of his 
 lordship's attentions. 
 
 3
 
 34 //- / RR J ' t ORREQUER. 
 
 The road to " ( 'allonby " was beautiful beyond anything I 
 had ever seen in Ireland. For upward of two miles it led 
 along the margin of the lofty cliffs of Moher, now jutting out 
 into bold promontories, and again retreating, and forming 
 small bays and mimic harbors, into which the heavy swell of 
 the broad Atlantic was rolling its deep blue tide. The even- 
 ing was perfectly calm, and at a little distance from the shore 
 the surface of the sea was without a ripple. The only sound 
 breaking the solemn stillness of the hour was the heavy plash 
 of the waves, as in minute peals they rolled in upon the 
 pebbly beach, and brought back with them, at each retreat, 
 some of the larger and smoother stones, whose noise, a.; 
 they fell back into old ocean's bed, mingled with the din of 
 the breaking surf. In one of the many little bays 1 p > d, 
 lay three or four fishing-smacks. The sails were drying, and 
 flapped lazily against the masts. I could see the figures of 
 the men as they passed backward and forward upon the d I 
 and although the height was nearly eight hundred feet, could 
 hear their voices quite distinctly. Upon the golden str md, 
 which Avas still marked with a deeper tint, where the tide 
 had washed, stood a little white cottage of some fisherman 
 at least, so the net before the door bespoke it. Around it, 
 stood some children, whose merry voices and laughing tones 
 sometimes reached me where I was standing. I could not but 
 think, as I looked down from my lofty eyrie upon that little 
 group of boats, and that lone hut, how much of the "world " 
 to the humble dweller beneath, lay in that secluded and 
 narrow bay. There, the deep sea, where their days were 
 passed in " storm and sunshine," — there, the humble home, 
 where at night they rested, and around whose hearth lay all 
 their cares and all their joys. 1 Tow far, how very far rem< >ved 
 from the busy haunts of men, and all the struggles and con- 
 tentions of the ambitious world ; and yet, how short-sighted 
 to suppose that even they had not their griefs and sorrows, 
 and that their humble lot was devoid of the inheritance of 
 those woes, which all are heirs to. 
 
 I turned reluctantly from the sea-shore to enter the gate 
 of the park, and my path in a few moments was as completely 
 screened from all prospect of the sea, as though it had lain 
 miles inland. An avenue of tall and ancient lime-trees, so 
 dense in their shadows as nearly to conceal the road beneath 
 led for above a mile through a beautiful lawn, whose surface, 
 gently undulating, and studded with young clumps, was
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 35 
 
 dotted over with sheep. At length, descending by a very 
 steep road, I reached a beautiful little stream, over which a 
 rustic bridge was thrown. As I looked down upon the 
 rippling stream beneath, on the surface of which the dusky 
 evening Hies were dipping, I made a resolve ; if I prospered 
 in his lordship's good graces, to devote a day to the " angle " 
 there, before I left the country. It was now growing late, 
 and remembering Lord Kilkee's intimation of " sharp seven," 
 I threw my reins over my cob, "Sir Roger's " neck (for I 
 had hitherto been walking), and cantered up the steep hill 
 before me. When I reached the top, I found myself upon a 
 broad table-land, encircled by old and well-grown timber, 
 and at a distance, most tastefully half concealed by ornamen- 
 tal painting, I could catch some glimpse of Callonby. Before 
 however, I had time to look about me, I heard the tramp of 
 horses' feet behind, and in another moment two ladies 
 dashed up the steep behind, and came toward me at a smart 
 gallop, followed by a groom, who neither himself nor his 
 horse seemed to relish the pace of his fair mistresses. I 
 moved off the road into the grass, to permit them to pass ; 
 but no sooner had they got abreast of me, than Sir Roger, 
 anxious for a fair start flung up both heels at once, pricked 
 up his ears, and with a plunge that very nearly threw me 
 from the saddle, set off at top speed. My first thought was 
 for the ladies beside me, and to my utter horror, I now saw 
 them coming along at full gallop, their horses had got off the 
 road, and were to my thinking become quite unmanageable. 
 I endeavored to pull up, but all in vain. Sir Roger had got 
 the bit between his teeth, a favorite trick of his, and I was 
 perfectly powerless to hold him ; by this time, they being 
 mounted on thoroughbreds, got a full neck before me, and 
 the pace was now tremendous ; on we all came, each horse 
 at his utmost stretch ; they were evidently gaining from the 
 better stride of their cattle, and will it be believed, or shall I 
 venture to acknowledge it in these my Confessions, that I 
 who, a moment before, would have given my best chance of 
 promotion to be able to pull in my horse, would now have 
 " pledged my dukedom" to be able to give Sir Roger one 
 cut of the whip unobserved. I leave it to the wise to decipher 
 the ratiom le, but such is the fact. It was complete steeple- 
 chasing and my blood was up. 
 
 On we came, and I now perceived that about two hundred 
 yards before me stood an iron gate and piers, without any
 
 36 II A RK } ' L ORREQ I T ER. 
 
 hedge or wall on either side ; before I could conjecture the 
 meaning of so strange a thing in the midst of a large lawn, I 
 saw the foremost horse, now two or three lengths before the 
 other, still in advance of me, take two or three short strides, 
 and fly about eight feet over a sunken fence — the second 
 followed in the same style, the riders sitting as steadily as in 
 the gallop. It was now my turn, and I confess, as I neared 
 the dike, I heartily wished myself well over it, for the very 
 possibility of a " mistake" was maddening. Sir Roger came 
 on at a slapping pace, and when within two yards of the 
 brink, rose to it, and cleared it like a deer. By the time I 
 had accomplished this feat, not the less to my satisfaction 
 that both ladies had turned in the saddles to watch me, they 
 were already far in advance ; they held on still at the same 
 pace, round a small copse which concealed them an instant 
 from my view, and which, when* I passed, I perceived that 
 they had just reached the hall door, and were dismount- 
 ing. 
 
 On the steps stood a tall, elderly-looking, gentlemanlike 
 person, who I rightly conjectured was his lordship. I heard 
 him laughing heartily as I came up. I at last succeeded in 
 getting Sir Roger to a canter, and when about twenty yards 
 from where the group were standing, sprung off, and hastened 
 up to make my apologies as I best might, for my unfortunate 
 runaway. I was fortunately spared the awkwardness of an 
 explanation, for his lordship, approaching me with his hand 
 extended, said : 
 
 " Mr. Lorrequer is most welcome at Callonby. I cannot 
 be mistaken, I am sure— I have the pleasure of addressing 
 the nephew of my old friend, Sir Guy Lorrequer of Felton. I 
 am indeed most happy to see you, and not the less so, that 
 you are safe and sound, which five minutes since, I assure you, 
 L had my fears for " 
 
 Before I could assure his lordship that my fears were all 
 for my competitors in the race — for such in reality they were 
 — he introduced me to the two ladies, who were still stand- 
 ing beside him — Lady Jane Callonby; Mr. Lorrequer ; Lady 
 Catherine." 
 
 " Which of you, young ladies, may I ask, planned this 
 escapade, for I see by your looks, it was no accident ? " 
 
 " I think, papa," said Lady Jane, "you must question Mr. 
 Lorrequer on that head ! he certainly started first." 
 
 " I confess, indeed," said I, "such was the case."
 
 //. / RR Y LORREQl '/IK. 37 
 
 " Well, you must confess too, you were distanced," said 
 Lady Jane. 
 
 His lordship laughed heartily, and I joined in his mirth, 
 feeling, at the same time, most terribly provoked, to be 
 quizzed on such a matter : that I, a steeple-chase horseman of 
 the first water, should be twitted by a couple of young ladies, 
 on the score of a most manly exercise. " But come," said 
 his lordship, " the first bell has rung long since, and I am 
 longing to ask Mr. Lorrequer all about my old college friend 
 of forty years ago. So, ladies, hasten your toilet, I beseech 
 you." 
 
 With these words, his lordship, taking my arm, led me into 
 the drawing-room, where we had not been many minutes till 
 we were joined by her ladyship, a tall, stately, handsome 
 woman of a certain age ; resolutely bent upon being both 
 young and beautiful, in spite of time and wrinkles ; her recep- 
 tion of me, though not possessing the frankness of his lord- 
 ship, was still very polite, and intended to be even gracious. 
 I now found by the reiterated inquiries for my old uncle, Sir 
 Guy, that he it was, and not Hamlet, to whom I owed my 
 present notice, and I must include it among my Confessions, 
 that it was about the first advantage I ever derived from the 
 relationship. After half an hour's agreeable chatting, the 
 ladies entered, and then I had time to remark the extreme 
 beauty of their appearance ; they were both wonderfully like, 
 and except that Lady Jane was taller and more womanly, it 
 would have been almost impossible to discriminate between 
 them. 
 
 Lady Jane Callonby was then about twenty years of age, 
 rather above the middle size, and slightly disposed toward 
 embonpoint ; her eye was of the deepest and most liquid blue, 
 and rendered apparently darker, by long lashes of the blackest 
 jet — for such was the color of her hair ; her nose slightly, 
 but slightly, deviated from the straightness of the Greek, and 
 her upper lip was faultless, as were her mouth and chin ; the 
 whole lower part of the face, from the perfect " chiseling," 
 and from the carriage of her head, had certainly a great air 
 of hauteur, but the extreme melting softness of her eyes took 
 from this, and when she spoke, there was a quiet earnestness 
 in her mild and musical voice that disarmed you at once of 
 connecting the idea of self with the speaker ; the word " fas- 
 cinating," more than any other I know of, conveys the effect 
 of her appearance, and to produce it, she had, more than any
 
 38 HARR Y L ORREQ UER. 
 
 other woman I ever met, that wonderful gift, the " Part de 
 plaire." 
 
 I was roused from my perhaps too earnest, because uncon- 
 scious gaze, at the lovely figure before me, by his lordship 
 saying, " Mr. Lorrequer, her ladyship is .waiting for you. I 
 accordingly bowed, and offering her my arm, led her into the 
 dinner-room. And here I draw rein for the present, reserv- 
 ing for my next chapter My Adventures at Callonby. \ 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 LIFE AT CALLONBY LOVE-MAKING MRS. o'DOWD'S ADVENT- 
 URE. 
 
 My first evening at Callonby passed off as nearly all first 
 evenings do everywhere. His lordship was most agreeable, 
 talked much of my uncle, Sir Guy, whose fag he had been at 
 Eton half a century before, promised me some capital shoot- 
 ing in his preserves, discussed the state of politics; and, as 
 the second decanter of port " waned apace," grew wondrous 
 confidential, and told me of his intention to start his son for 
 the county at the next general election, such being the 
 object which had now conferred the honor of his presence on 
 his Irish estates. 
 
 Her ladyship was most condescendingly civil, vouchsafed 
 much tender commiseration for my " exile," as she termed 
 my quarters at Kilrush ; wondered how I could possibly 
 exist in a marching regiment (who had never been in the 
 cavalry in my life !), spoke quite feelingly of my kindness in 
 joining their stupid family party, for they were living, to use 
 their own phrase, " like hermits ;" and wound up all by a 
 playful assurance that as she perceived, from all my answers, 
 that 1 was bent on preserving a strict incognito, she would 
 tell no tales about me on her return to "Town." Now it 
 may readily be believed that all this, and many more of her 
 ladyship's allusions, were a " Chaldee manuscript " to me; 
 that she knew certain facts of my family and relations, was 
 certain ; but that she had interwoven in the humble web of 
 my history a very pretty embroidery of fiction was equally so; 
 and while she thus ran on, with innumerable allusions to Lady
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 39 
 
 Mary and Lord Johns, who she pretended to suppose were 
 dying to hear from me, I could not help muttering to myself 
 with good Christopher Sly, " And all this be true — then Lord 
 be thanked for my good amends ; " for up to that moment I 
 was an ungrateful man for all this high and noble solicitude. 
 ( hie dark doubt shot for an instant across my brain. Maybe 
 her ladyship had "registered a vow "never to syllable a 
 name unchronicled by Debrett, or was actually only mysti- 
 fying me for mere amusement. A minute's consideration 
 dispelled this fear : for I found myself treated " en Seigneur" 
 by the whole family. As for the daughters of the house, noth- 
 ing could possibly be more engaging than their manner. 
 The eldest, Lady Jane, was pleased from my near relation- 
 ship to her father's oldest friend to receive me, "from the 
 first," on the most friendly footing, while, with the younger, 
 Lady Catherine, from her being less maniere than her sister, 
 my progress was even greater ; and thus, before we separated 
 for the night, I contrived to " take up my position " in such 
 a fashion as to be already looked upon as one of the family 
 part\'. to which object, Lord and indeed Lady Callonby, 
 seemed most willing to contribute, and made me promise to 
 spend the entire of the following day at Callonby, and as 
 many of the succeeding ones as my military duties would 
 permit. 
 
 As his lordship was wishing me "good-night" at the door 
 of the drawing-room, he said, in a half whisper, 
 
 '• We were ignorant yesterday, Mr. Lorrequer, how soon 
 we should have the pleasure of seeing you here ; and you 
 are therefore condemned to a small room off the library, it 
 being the only one we can insure you as being well aired. I 
 must therefore apprise you that you are not to be shocked 
 at finding yourself surrounded by every member of the family, 
 hung up in frames around you. But as the room is usually 
 my own snuggery, I have resigned it without any alteration 
 whatever." 
 
 The apartment for which his lordship had so strongly 
 apologized stood in very pleasant contrast to my late one in 
 Kilrush. The soft Persian carpet, on which one's feet sank 
 to the very ankles, the brightly polished dogs, upon which a 
 blazing fire burned ; the well upholstered fauteuils which 
 seemed to invite sleep without the trouble of lying down for 
 it ; and last of all, the ample and luxurious bed, upon whose 
 rich purple hangings the ruddy glare of the fire threw a most
 
 40 HARkY LOkRktltfbJL. 
 
 mellow light, was all a pleasing exchange for the "garniture" 
 of the "Hotel Healy." 
 
 " " Certes, Harry Lorrequer," said I, as I threw myself upon 
 a small ottoman before the fire in all the slippered ease and 
 abandon of a man who has changed a dress-coat for a morn- 
 ing-gown ; "Certes, thou art destined for great things; even 
 here, where fate had seemed ' to do his worst ' to thee, a 
 little paradise opens, and what, to ordinary mortals had 
 proved but a 'Hat, stale, ami most unprofitable' quarter, 
 presents to thee all the accumulated delight of a hospitable 
 mansion, a kind, almost friendly host, a condescending 
 Madame Mere, and daughters too ! Ah, ye Gods ! but what 
 is this ? " and here, for the first time, lifting up my eyes, I 
 perceived a beautiful water-color drawing in the style of 
 " Chalon," which was placed above the chirnney-piece. I 
 rose at once, and taking a candle, proceeded to examine it 
 more minutely. It was a portrait of Lady Jane, a full-length, 
 too, and wonderfully like ; there was more complexion, and 
 perhaps more roundness in the figure than her present appear- 
 ance would justify ; but if anything was gained in brilliancy, 
 it was certainly lost in point of expression; and I infinitely 
 perferred her pale, but beautifully fair countenance, to the 
 rosy cheek of the picture ; the figure was faultless ; the same 
 easy grace, the result of perfect symmetry and refinement 
 together which only one in a thousand of even handsome 
 girls possess, was portrayed to the life. The more I looked, 
 the more I felt charmed with it. Never had I seen any- 
 thing so truly characteristic as this sketch, for it was scarcely 
 more. It was after nearly an hour's quiet contemplation, 
 that I began to remember the lateness of the night ; an hour 
 in which my thoughts had rambled from the lovely object 
 before me, to wonder at the situation in which I found my- 
 self placed ; for there was so much of " empressement " 
 toward me, in the maimer of every member of the family, 
 coupled with certain mistakes as to my habits and acquaint- 
 ances, as left me perfectly unable to unravel the mystery 
 which so evidently surrounded me. " Perhaps," thought I, 
 "Sir Guy has written in my behalf to his lordship. Oh, he 
 would never do anything half so civil. Well, to be sure, I 
 shall astonish them at head-quarters; they'll not believe this. 
 I wonder if Lady Jane saw my ' Hamlet ;' for they landed in 
 Cork from Bristol about that time. She is indeed a most 
 beautiful girl, I wish I were a marquis, if it were only for
 
 //.IKK ) ■ 10RREQUER. 41 
 
 her sake. Well, my Lord Callonby, you may be a very wise 
 man in the House of Lords ; but, I would just ask, is it ex- 
 actly prudent to introduce into your family, on terms of such 
 perfect intimacy, a youngj fascinating, well-looking fellow of 
 four-and-twenty, albeit only a subaltern, with two such daugh- 
 ters as you have ? Pem'-e/re ! < hie thing is certain — / have 
 no cause of complaint ; and so, good-night, Lady Jane " — 
 and with these words I fell asleep, to dream of the deepest 
 blue eyes, and the most melting tones that ever reduced a 
 poor lieutenant in a marching regiment to curse his fate, that 
 he could not call the commander of the forces his father. 
 
 When I descended to the breakfast-room, I found the 
 whole family assembled in a group around Lord Kilkee, who 
 had just returned from a distant part of the county, where 
 he had been canvassing the electors, and spouting patriotism 
 the day before. He was giving an account of his progress 
 with much spirit and humor as I entered, but, on seeing me, 
 immediately came forward, and shook hands with me like 
 an old acquaintance. By Lord Callonby and the ladies I 
 was welcomed also with much courtesy and kindness, and 
 some slight badinage passed upon my sleeping, in what Lord 
 Kilkee called the " Picture Gallery," which, for all I knew 
 to the contrary, contained but one fair portrait. 1 am not a 
 believer in Mesmer ; but certainly there must have been 
 some 'influence at work — very like what we hear of " magnet- 
 ism " — for before the breakfast was concluded, there seemed 
 at once to spring up a perfect understanding between this 
 family and myself, which made me feel as much chez-moi, as I 
 had ever done in my life ; and from that hour I may date an 
 intimacy which every succeeding day but served to increase. 
 
 After breakfast Lord Callonby consigned me to the guid- 
 ance of his son, and we sallied forth to deal destruction 
 amongst the pheasants, with which the preserves were stocked ; 
 and here I may observe, en passant, that with the single ex- 
 ception of fox-hunting, which was ever a passion with me, 1 
 never could understand that inveterate pursuit of game to 
 which some men devote themselves — thus, grouse-shaotuig, 
 and its attendant pleasures, of stumping over a boggy mountain 
 from daylight till dark, never had much attraction for me; 
 and, as to the delights of widgeon and wilcl-duck shooting, 
 when purchased by sitting up all QJght in a barrel, with your 
 eye to the bung, I'll none of it — no, no ! give me shooting or 
 angling merely as a divertimento, a pleasant interlude between
 
 42 HA A' A' J ■ L ORKEQUER. 
 
 breakfast and luncheon-time, when, consigning your Manton 
 to a corner, and the gamekeeper " to the dogs," you once 
 more humanize your costume to take a canter with the 
 daughters of the house ; or, if the day look loweringly, a match 
 of billiards with the men. 
 
 I have ever found that the happiest portions of existence 
 are the most difficult to chronicle. We may — nay, we must — 
 impart our miseries and annoyances to our many " dear 
 friends," whose forte is sympathy or consolation — and all 
 men are eloquent on the subject of their woes ; not so with 
 their joys ; some have a miser-like pleasure in hoarding them 
 up for their own private gratification ; others — and they are 
 prudent — feel that the narrative is scarcely agreeable even 
 to their best friends ; and a few, of whom I confess myself 
 one, are content to be happy without knowing why, and to 
 have pleasant souvenirs without being able to explain them. 
 
 Such must be my apology for not more minutely entering 
 upon an account of my life at Callonby. A fortnight had 
 now seen me enfance, the daily companion of two beautiful 
 girls in all their walks and rides, through a romantic, un- 
 frequented country, seeing but little of the other members of 
 the family ; the gentlemen being entirely occupied by their 
 election tactics, and Lady Callonby, being a late riser, sel- 
 dom appeared before the dinner hour There was not a cliff 
 upon the bold and rocky coast we did not climb, not a cave 
 upon the pebbly beach unvisited; sometimes my fair com- 
 panions would bring a volume of Metastasio down to the little 
 river where I used to angle ; and the " gentle craft " was often 
 abandoned for the heart thrilling verses of that delightful 
 poet. Yes, many years have passed over, and these scenes 
 are still as fresh in my memory as though they had been of 
 yesterday. In my memory, I say, as for thee 
 
 " Qui sa si te 
 Ti soverai di me." 
 
 At the end of three weeks the house became full of com- 
 pany, from the garret to the cellar. Country gentlemen and 
 their wives and daughters came pouring in, on every species 
 of conveyance known since the flood ; family coaches, which, 
 but for their yellow panels, might have been mistaken for 
 hearses, and high barouches, the "entre'e" to which was 
 accomplished by a step-ladder, followed each other in what
 
 // tA'h'V tORREQUER. 4.3 
 
 appeared a never ending succession ; and here I may note an 
 instance of the anomalous character of the conveyances, from 
 an incident to which I was a witness at the time. 
 
 Among the visitors on the second day came a maiden lady 
 from the neighborhood of Ennistimon, Miss Elizabeth 
 O'Dowd, the last of a very old and highly respectable family 
 in the county, and whose extensive property, thickly studded 
 with freeholders, was a strong reason for her being paid every 
 attention in Lord Catlonby's power to bestow.. Miss Betty 
 O'Dowd — for so she was generally styled — was the very per- 
 sonification of an old maid ; stiff as a ramrod, and so rigid in 
 observance of the proprieties of female conduct, that in the 
 estimation of the Clare gentry, Diana was a hoyden compared 
 to her. 
 
 Miss Betty lived, as I have said, near Ennistimon, and the 
 road from thence to Callonby, at the time I speak of — it was 
 before Mr. Nimmo — was as like the bed of a mountain torrent 
 as a respectable highway ; there were holes that would have 
 made a grave for any maiden lady within fifty miles ; and 
 rocks thickly scattered, enough to prove fatal to the strongest 
 wheels that ever issued from " Hutton's." Miss O'Dowd 
 knew this well ; she had upon one occasion been upset in 
 travelling it — and a slate-colored silk dress bore the dye of 
 every species of mud and mire to be found there, for many a 
 year after to remind her of her misfortune, and keep open 
 the wound of her sorrow. When, therefore, the invitation to 
 Callonby arrived, a grave council of war was summoned to 
 deliberate upon the mode of transit, for the honor could not 
 be declined, coute </i/i coute. The chariot was out of the ques- 
 tion ; Nicholas declared it would never reach the " Moraan 
 Beg," as the first precipice was called ; the inside car was 
 long since pronounced unfit for hazardous enterprise ; and 
 the only resource left was what is called in Hibernian par- 
 lance a " low-backed car " — that is, a car, without any back 
 whatever, it being neither more nor less than the common 
 agricultural conveyance of the country, upon which, a feather 
 bed being laid, the farmers' wives and daughters are generally 
 conveyed to fairs, wakes, and stations, etc. Putting her dig- 
 nity, if not in her pocket, at least wherever it could be most 
 easily accommodated, Miss O'Dowd placed her fair self, in 
 all the plenitude of her charms and the grandeur of a " bran 
 new green silk," a " little off the ;;rass. and on the bottle " (I 
 love to be particular), upon this humble voiture, and set out on
 
 44 ^ A k'M Y Li >A , A'/{ > l '/:'A'. 
 
 her way, if not "rejoicing," at least consoled by Nicholas that 
 
 " It 'id be blac k-dark when they reached the house, and the 
 devil a one 'id be the wiser than if she came in a coach and 
 four." Nicholas was right; it was perfectly dark on their 
 arrival at Callonby, and Miss (VI )o\vd having dismounted 
 and shaken her plumage — a little crumpled by her half re- 
 cumbent position for eight miles — appeared in the drawing- 
 room, to receive the most courteous attentions from Lady 
 Callonby, and from his lordship the most flattering speeches 
 for her kindness in risking herself and bringing her horses 
 on such a dreadful road, and assured her of his getting a 
 presentment the very next assizes to repair it ; " for we intend, 
 Miss O'Dowd," said he, " to be most troublesome neighbors 
 to you in future." 
 
 The evening passed off most happily. Miss O'Dowd was 
 delighted with her hosts, whose character she resolved to 
 maintain in spite of their reputation for pride and haughtiness. 
 Lady Jane sang an Irish melody for her. Lady Callonby 
 gave her slips of a rose geranium she got from the Princess 
 Augusta, and Lord Kilkee won her heart by the performance 
 of that most graceful step 'yclept "cover the buckle " in an 
 Irish jig. But, alas ! how short-lived is human bliss ; for 
 while this estimable lady revelled in the full enjoyment of the 
 hour, the sword of Damocles hung suspended above her 
 head ; in plain English, she had, on arriving at Callonby, to 
 prevent any unnecessary scrutiny into the nature of her con- 
 veyance, ordered Nicholas to be at the door punctually at 
 eleven ; and then take an opportunity of quietly slipping open 
 the drawing-room door, and giving her an intimation of it, 
 that she might take her leave at once. Nicholas was up to 
 time, and having disposed the conveyance under the shadow 
 of the porch, he made his way to the door of the drawing- 
 room unseen and unobserved. He opened it gently and 
 noiselessly, merely sufficient to take a survey of the apart- 
 ment, in which, from the glare of the lights, and the busy hum 
 of voices, he was so bewildered that it was some minutes 
 before he recognize. I his mistress. At last he perceived her; 
 she was seated at a card-table, playing whist with Lord Cal- 
 lonby for her partner. Who the other players were, he knew 
 not. A proud man was Nicholas, as he saw his mistress thus 
 placed, actually sitting, as he afterward expressed it, " fore- 
 nint the lord," but his thoughts were bent on other matters, 
 and it was no time to indulge his vauntings.
 
 MARR \ ' LORREQt 'A'A'. 45 
 
 He strove for some time, patiently, to catch her eye, for 
 she was so situated as to permit of this, but without success. 
 He then made a slight attempt to attract her attention, by 
 beckoning with his finger; all in vain. " O murther," said 
 he, "what is this for? I'll have to spake afther all." 
 
 " Four by honors," said his lordship, " and the odd trick. 
 Another double, I believe, Miss O'Dowd." 
 
 Miss O'Dowd nodded a graceful assent, while a sharp- 
 looking old dowager at the side of the table called out, " a 
 rubber of four on, my lord," and now began an explanation 
 from the whole party at once. Nicholas saw this was his 
 time, and thought that in the mele'e his hint might reach his 
 mistress unobserved by the remainder of the company. He 
 accordingly protruded his head into the room, and placing 
 his finger upon the side of his nose, and shutting one eye 
 knowingly, with an air of great secrecy, whispered out, 
 " Miss Betty — Miss Betty, alanah ! " For some minutes the 
 hum of the voices drowned his admonitions— but, as by 
 degrees waxing warmer in the cause, he called out more 
 loudly — every eye was turn to the spot from whence these 
 extraordinary sounds proceeded, and certainly the appearance 
 of Nicholas at that moment was well calculated to astonish the 
 " kttgans " of a drawing-room. With his one eye fixed eagerly 
 in the direction of his mistress, his red scratch wig pushed 
 back off his forehead, in the eagerness of his endeavor to be 
 heard, there he stood, perfectly unmindful of all around, 
 save Miss O'Dowd herself. It may well be believed, that 
 such an apparition could not be witnessed with gravity, and 
 accordingly, a general titter ran through* the room, the whist 
 party, still contending about odd tricks and honors, being 
 the only persons insensible to the mirth around them — 
 " Miss Betty, arrah, Miss Betty," said Nicholas, with a sigh 
 that converted the subdued laughter of the guest into a 
 perfect burst of mirth. 
 
 " Eh," said his lordship, turning round, " what is this ? we 
 are losing something excellent, I fear." 
 
 At this moment he caught a glimpse of Nicholas, and, 
 throwing himself back in his chair, laughed immoderately. 
 It was now Miss Betty's turn ; she was about to rise from the 
 table, when the well-known accents of Nicholas fell upon her 
 ear. She fell back in her seat — there he was ; the messenger 
 of the foul fiend himself would have been more welcome at 
 that moment. Her blood rushed to her face and temples ;
 
 46 HARRY LORREQUER*. 
 
 her hands tingled ; she closed her eyes, and when she opened 
 them there stood the accursed Nicholas glowering at her 
 still. 
 
 " Man — man ! " said she, at length ; " what do you mean, 
 what do you want here ? " 
 
 Poor Nicholas, little guessing that the question was in- 
 tended to throw a doubt upon her acquaintance with him, 
 and conceiving that the hour for the announcement had come, 
 hesitated for an instant, how he should designate the convey- 
 ance. He could not call it a coach ! it certainly was not a 
 buggy — neither was it a jaunting-car — what should he say — 
 he looked earnestly, and even imploringly at his mistress, as 
 if to convey some sense of his difficulty, and then, as it were, 
 catching a sudden inspiration, winked once more, as he 
 said : 
 
 " Miss Betty — the — the — the — " and here he looked inde- 
 scribably droll ; " the thing, you kno7c>, is at the door." 
 
 All his lordship's politeness was too little for the occasion 
 and Miss O'Dowd's tenantry were lost to the Callonby inter- 
 est forever. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 BOTANICAL STUDIES THE NATURAL SYSTEM PREFERABLE TO 
 
 THE LINN/EAN. 
 
 " The carriage is at the door, my lord," said a servant, en- 
 tering the luncheon-room where we were all assembled. 
 
 " Now then, Mr. Lorrequer," said Lord Callonby, "allons! 
 take another glass of wine, and let us away. I expect you 
 to make a most brilliant speech, remember ! " 
 
 His lordship here alluded to our intention of visiting a 
 remote barony, where a meeting of the freeholders was that 
 day to be held, and at which I was pledged for a " neat and 
 appropriate " oration in abuse of the Corn Laws and the Holy 
 Alliance. 
 
 " I beg pardon, my lord," said her ladyship, in a most lan- 
 guishing tone, "but Mr. Lorrequer is pre-engaged ; he has for 
 the last week been promising and deferring his visit to the 
 new conservatory with me ; where he is to find out four or 
 five of the Swiss shrubs that Collins cannot make* out -and 
 which I am dying to know all about."
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 47 
 
 u Mr. Lorrequer is a false man, then," said Lady Catherine, 
 "for he said at breakfast, that we should devote this after- 
 noon lo the chalk caves — as the tide will be so far out, we 
 can see them all perfectly." 
 
 " And I," said Lord Kilkee, " must put in my plea that 
 the aforesaid Mr. Lorrequer is booked for a coursing match — 
 1 Mouche versus Jessie.' Guilty or net guilty ? " 
 
 Lady Jane alone of all said not a word. 
 
 " Guilty on every count of the indictment," said I ; " I 
 throw myself on the mercy of the court." 
 
 " Let his sentence then be banishment, " said Lady Cath- 
 erine, with affected anger, " and let him go with papa." 
 
 " 1 rather think," said Lord Kilkee, " the better plan is to 
 let him visit the conservatory, for I'd wager a fifty he finds 
 it more difficult to invent botany, than canvass freeholders ; 
 eh ? " 
 
 " I am sure," said Lady Jane, for the first time breaking 
 silence, " that mamma is infinitely flattered by the pro- 
 posal that Mr. Lorrequer's company is to be conferred upon 
 her for his sins." 
 
 " I am not to be affronted, nor quizzed out of my chap- 
 eron : here, Mr. Lorrequer," said Lady Callonby, rising, 
 " get Smith's book there, and let me have your arm ; and 
 now, young ladies, come along, and learn something, if you 
 can." 
 
 " An admirable proviso," said Lord Kilkee, laughing ; " if 
 his botany be only as authentic as the autographs he gave 
 Mrs. MacDermot, and all of which he wrote himself in my 
 dressing-room in half an hour. Napoleon was the only diffi- 
 cult one in the number." 
 
 Most fortunately this unfair disclosure did not reach her 
 ladyship's ears, as she was busily engaged putting on her 
 bonnet, and I was yet unassailed in reputation to her. 
 
 •'Good-bye, then," said Lord Callonby; "we meet at 
 seven ; " and in a few moments the little party were scat- 
 tered to their several destinations. 
 
 " flow very hot you have this place, Collins," said Lady 
 Callonby, as we entered the conservatory. 
 
 " Only seventy-five, my- lady, and the Magnolias require 
 heat." f here dropped a little behind, as if to examine a 
 plant, and in a half whisper said to Lady Jane : 
 
 " How came it that you alone, Lady Jane, should forget I 
 had made another appointment ? I thought you wished to
 
 48 HA RR Y L ORREQUER. 
 
 make a sketch of Craigmorgan Abbey — did you forget that 
 we were to ride there to-day ? " 
 
 Before she could reply, Lady Callonby called out : " Oh, 
 here it is, Mr. Lorrequer. Is this a heath ? that is the ques- 
 tion." 
 
 Here her ladyship pointed to a little scrubby thing, that 
 looked very like a birch rod. I proceeded to examine it most 
 minutely, while Collins waited with all the intense anxiety of 
 a man whose character depended on the sentence. 
 
 Collins will have it a Jungermania," said she. 
 
 " And Collins is right," said I, not trusting myself with the 
 pronunciation of the awful word her ladyship uttered. 
 
 Collins looked ridiculously happy. 
 
 " Now that is so delightful," said Lady Callonby, as she 
 stopped to look for another puzzle. 
 
 " What a wretch it is," said Lady Catherine, covering her 
 face with a handkerchief. 
 
 "What a beautiful little flower," said Lady Jane, lifting up 
 the bell of a " lobelia splendens." 
 
 " You know, of course," said I, " what they call that flower 
 in France — L'amour tendre." 
 
 " Indeed ! " 
 
 " True, I assure you ; may I present you with a sprig of 
 it ? " cutting off a small twig, and presenting it at the same 
 instant unseen by the others. 
 
 She hesitated for an instant, and then extending her fair 
 and taper hand took it. I dared not look at her as she did so. 
 but a proud swelling triumph at my heart nearly choked me, 
 
 " Now, Collins," said Lady Callonby, " 1 cannot find the 
 Alpen tree I brought from the Grundenwald." 
 
 Collins hurried forward to her ladyship's side. 
 
 Lady Catherine was also called to assist in the search. 
 
 I was alone with Lady Jane. 
 
 " Now or never," thought I ; I hesitated — I stammered — 
 my voice faltered. She saw my agitation ; she participated 
 in, and increased it. At last I summoned up my courage to 
 touch her hand ; she gently withdrew it — but so gently, it 
 was not a repulse. 
 
 " If, Lady Jane," said I at length, " if the devoted " 
 
 " Holloa, there," said a deep voice without : " is Mr. 
 Lorrequer there ? " 
 
 It was Lord ivilkee returned from his coursing match. 
 None but he who has felt such an interruption, can feel for
 
 HARkx L.vRRnQL ER. 49 
 
 me. I shame to say that his brotherhood to her for whom I 
 would have periled my life, restrained me not from something 
 like a very hearty commendation of him to the powers that 
 burn 
 
 " Down, dogs, there — down," continued he, and in a 
 moment after entered the conservatory flushed and heated 
 with the chase. 
 
 " Mouche is the winner — two to one — and so, Master 
 Shallow. I owe you a thousand pounds." 
 
 Would to heaven that f had lost the wager, had it only 
 taken a little longer to decide it ! I of course appeared over- 
 joyed at my dog's success, and listened with great pretence 
 of interest to the narrative of the "run ; " the more so, be- 
 cause that though perhaps more my friend than the elder 
 members of the family, Lord Kilkee evidently liked less 
 than them my growing intimacy with his sister ; and I was 
 anxious to blind him on the present occasion, when, but 
 for his recent excitement, very little penetration would have 
 enabled him to detect that something unusual had taken 
 place. 
 
 It was now so nearly dark, that her ladyship's further 
 search for the alpine treasure became impossible and so we 
 turned our steps towards the garden, where we continued to 
 walk till joined by Lord Callonby. And now began a most 
 active discussion upon agriculture, rents, tithes, and toryism, 
 in which the ladies took but little part ; and I had the 
 mortification to perceive that Lady Jane was excessively 
 ennuy&e, and seized the first opportunity to leave the party 
 and return to the house ; while her sister gave me from time 
 to time certain knowing glances, as if intimating that my 
 knowledge of farming and political economy was pretty much 
 on a par with my proficiency in botany. 
 
 " One has discovered me at least," thought I ; but the bell 
 had rung to dress for dinner, and I hastened to my room to 
 think over future plans, and once more wonder at the singular 
 position into which fate and the " rules of the service " had 
 thrown me.
 
 50 // i R R ) ' L OKREQ UER. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 PUZZLED EXPLANATION— MAKES BAD WORSE THE DUEL. 
 
 "Any letters?" said her ladyhip to a servant, as she 
 crossed the hall. 
 
 " Only one, my lady — for Mr. Lorrequer, I believe." 
 " For me," thought I: "how is this?" My letters had 
 been hitherto always left in Kilrush. Why was this for- 
 warded here ? I hurried to the drawing-room, where I found 
 a double letter awaiting me. The writing was Curzon's, and 
 contained the words " to be forwarded with haste " on the 
 direction. I opened and read as follows : 
 
 " Dear Lorreouer, — Have you any recollection, among 
 your numerous 'escapades' at Cork, of having grievously 
 insulted a Mr. Giles Beamish, in thought, word, or deed ? 
 If you have, I say, let me know with all convenient dispatch 
 whether the offence be one admitting of apology — for if not 
 the Lord have mercy on your soul — a more wrothy gentle- 
 man than the aforesaid it having rarely been my evil fortune 
 to foregather with. He called here yesterday to inquire your 
 address, and at my suggestion wrote a note, which I now 
 enclose. I write in great haste, and am yours ever faith- 
 fully, C. Curzon. 
 
 " N.B. — I have not seen his note, so explain all and every- 
 thing." 
 
 The enclosed letter ran thus : 
 
 "Sir, — It can scarcely have escaped your memory, though 
 now nearly two months since, that at the Mayor's dejuner in 
 Cork you were pleased to make' merry at my expense, and 
 expose me and my family for your amusement. This is to 
 demand an immediate apology, or that satisfaction which, as 
 an officer, you will not refuse your most obedient servant. 
 
 " Giles Beamish. 
 
 " Swinburne Hotel."
 
 tIARRV LORREQUEtl. ^t 
 
 "Giles Beamish ! Giles Beamish ! " said I, repeating the 
 name in every variety of emphasis, hoping to obtain some 
 clew to the writer. Had I been appointed the umpire be- 
 tween Dr. Wall and his reviewers in the late controversy 
 about " phonetic signs," I could not have been more com- 
 pletely puzzled than by the contents of this note. " Make 
 merry at his expense ! " a great offence truly — I suppose I 
 have laughed at better men than ever he was ; and I can 
 only say of such innocent amusement, as Falstaff did of sack 
 and sugar, if such be a sin, "then heaven help the wicked." 
 But I wish I knew who he is, or what he alludes to, provided 
 he is not mad, which I begin to think not improbable. 
 " By the bye, my lord, do you know any such person in the 
 south as a Mr. Beamish — Giles Beamish ? " 
 
 " To be sure," said Lord Callonby, looking up from his 
 newspaper, " there are several of the name of the highest 
 respeciability One is an alderman of Cork — a very rich 
 man, too — but I don't remember his Christian name." 
 
 " An alderman, did you say ? " 
 
 " Yes. Alderman Beamish is very well known. I have 
 seen him frequently — a short, florid, little man." 
 
 " Oh, it must be him," said I, musingly ; " it must have been 
 this worthy alderman, from whose worshipful person I tore 
 the robe of office on the night of the fete. But what does he 
 mean by ' my exposing him and his family ? ' Why, zounds 
 his wife and children were not with him on the pavement. 
 Oh, I see it, it is the mansion-house school of eloquence ; did 
 not Sir William Curtis apologize for not appearing at court, 
 from having lost an eye, which he designated as an awful 
 ' domestic calamity.' " 
 
 It being now settled to my satisfaction that Mr. Beamish 
 and the great uncloaked were " convertible terms," I set 
 about making the amende in the most handsome manner pos- 
 sible. I wrote to the alderman a most pacific epistle reget- 
 ting that my departure from Cork deprived me of making 
 reparation before, and expressing a most anxious hope that 
 " he caught no cold," and a fervent wish that" he would live 
 many years to grace and ornament the dignity of which his 
 becoming costume was the emblem." This I inclosed in a 
 note to Curzon, telling him Low the matter occurred, and 
 requesting that he would send it by his servant, together 
 with the scarlet vestment which he would find in my dress- 
 ing-room. Having folded and sealed this despatch, 1 turned
 
 5 2 U A RR i ' L ORRI: QUA R. 
 
 to give Lord Callonby an account of the business, and showed 
 him Beamish's note, at which he was greatly amused ; and 
 indeed, it furnished food for mirth for the whole party dur- 
 ing th'i evening. The next morning I set out with Lord Cal- 
 lonby en the long-threatened canvassing expedition — with 
 the details of which I need not burden my " Confessions." 
 Suffice it to say, that when Lord Kilkee was advocating 
 Toryism in the west, I, his accredited ambassador, was de- 
 voting to the infernal gods the prelacy, the peerage, and the 
 pension list — a mode of canvass well worthy of imitation in 
 these troublesome times ; for, not to speak of the great pros- 
 pect of success from having friends on both sides of the 
 question, the principal can always divest himself of any 
 unpleasant consequences as regards inconsistency, by throw- 
 ing the blame on his friend, "who went too far," as the 
 appropriate phrase is. 
 
 Nothing could be more successful than our mission. Lord 
 Callonby was delighted beyond bounds with the prospect, and 
 so completely carried away by high spirits, and so perfectly 
 assured that much of it was owing to my exertions, that on 
 the second morning of our tour — for we proceeded through 
 the country for three days — he came laughing into my dress- 
 ing-room with a newspaper in his hand. 
 
 " Here, Lorrequer," said he, " here's news for you. You 
 certainly must read this ;" and he handed me a copy of the 
 " Clare Herald," with an account of our meeting the evening 
 before. 
 
 After glancing my eye rapidly over the routine usual in 
 such cases — Humph, ha — nearly two hundred people — most 
 respectable farmers — room appropriately decorated — " Cal- 
 lonby Arms " — " after the usual loyal toasts, the chairman 
 rose" — Well, no matter. Ah! here it Is:" Mr. Lorrequer 
 here addressed the meeting with a flow of eloquence it has 
 rarely, if ever, been our privilege to hear equaled. He 
 began by" — humph 
 
 "Ah," said his lordship, impatiently, "you will never find 
 it out — look — Jiere — ' Mr. Lorrequer, whom we have men- 
 tioned as having made the highly exciting speech, to be 
 found on our hist page, is, we understand, the son of SirCuy ' 
 Lorrequer, of Elton, in Shropshire — one of thewealthiest bar- 
 onets in England. If rumor speak truly, there is a very near 
 prospect of an alliance between this talented and promis- 
 ing young gentleman and the beautiful and accomplished
 
 HARRY LOR RF.Ql r F.R. 53 
 
 daughter of a certain noble earl, with whom he has been for 
 some time domesticated.' 
 
 " Ehj what think you? Son of Sir Guy Lorrequer. I 
 always thought my old friend a bachelor, but you see the 
 ' Clare Herald ' knows better. Not to speak of the last 
 piece of intelligence, it is very good, is it not ? " 
 
 "Capital, indeed," said I, trying to laugh, and at the same 
 time blushing confoundedly, and looking as ridiculously as 
 need be. 
 
 It now struck me forcibly that there was something ex- 
 tremely odd in his lordship's mention of this paragraph, par- 
 ticularly when coupled with his and Lady Callonby's manner 
 to me for the last two months. They knew enough of my 
 family, evidently, to be aware of my station and prospects — 
 or rather my want of both — and yet, in the face of this, they 
 not only encouraged me to prolong a most delightful visit, 
 but by a thousand daily and dangerous opportunities, ab- 
 solutely threw me in the way of one of the loveliest of her 
 sex, seemingly without fear on their parts. " Eh bien" 
 thought I, with my old philosophy. " Time, that ' pregnant 
 old gentleman,' will disclose all, and so laisse a//er." 
 
 My reveries on my good and evil fortune were suddenly 
 interrupted by a letter which reached me that evening, hav- 
 ing been forwarded from Callonby by a special messenger. 
 " What, another epistle from Curzon," said I, as my eye 
 caught the address, and wondering not a little what pressing 
 emergency had called forth the words on the cover — " to be 
 forwarded with haste," I eagerly broke the seal and read the 
 following : 
 
 "My dear Harry, — I received yours on the nth, and 
 immediately dispatched your note and the raiment to Mr. 
 Beamish. He was from home at the time, but at eight 
 o'clock I was sent for from the mess to see two gentlemen 
 on most pressing business. I hurried to my quarters, and 
 there found the aforesaid Mr. B., accompanied by a friend, 
 whom he introduced as Dr. De Courcy Finucane, of the 
 North Cork Militia — as warlike-looking a gentleman of his 
 inches, some five feet three, as you would wish to see. The 
 moment I appeared, both rose, and commenced a narra- 
 tive, for such I judge it to be, but so energetically and so 
 completely together, that I could only bow politely? and 
 at last request that one or the other would inform me
 
 g/> HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 of the object of their visit. Here began the tug of war, 
 
 the doctor saying, ' Arrah, now, Giles ' Mr. Beamish 
 
 interrupting by, ' Whist, I tell ye — now, can't you let 
 
 me ? Ye see, Mr. Curzoin ' for so they both agreed 
 
 to designate me. At last, completely worn out, I said, 
 ' Perhaps you have not received my friend's note ? ' At this 
 Mr. Beamish reddened to the eyes, and with the greatest 
 volubility poured forth a flood of indignant eloquence, that I 
 thought it necessary to check ; but in this I failed, for after 
 informing me pretty clearly that he knew nothing of your story 
 of the alderman, or his cloak, added that he firmly believed 
 your pretended reparation was only a renewed insult, and 
 that but in a word, he used such language, that I was com- 
 pelled to take him short : and the finale is, that I agreed you 
 should meet him, though still ignorant of what he calls the 
 4 original offence.' But heaven knows, his conduct here last 
 night demands a reprimand, and I hope you may give it ; 
 and if you shoot him, we may worm out the secret from his 
 executors. Nothing could exceed the politeness of the 
 parties on my consenting to this arrangement. Dr. Finu- 
 cane proposed Carrigaholt as the rendezvous, about twelve 
 miles, I believe, from Kilrush, and Tuesday evening at six 
 as the time, which will be the very earliest moment we can 
 arrive there. So, pray be up to time, and believe me yours, 
 
 " C. Curzon. 
 " Saturday evening." 
 
 It was late on Monday evening when this letter reached me, 
 and there was no time to be lost, as I was then about forty 
 Irish miles from the place mentioned by Curzon ; so after 
 briefly acquainting Lord Callonby that I was called off by 
 duty, I hurried to my room to pack my clothes, and again 
 read over this extraordinary epistle. 
 
 1 confess it did appear something droll, how completely 
 Curzon seemed to imbibe the passion for fighting from these 
 " blood-thirsty Irishmen." For by his own showing he was 
 utterly ignorant of my ever having offended this Mr. 
 Beamish, of whom I recollected nothing whatever. Yet 
 when the gentleman waxes wrothy, rather than inconveni- 
 ence him, or perhaps anxious to get back to the mess, he 
 coolly says, " O, my friend shall meet you: " and then his 
 pleasant jest, "find out the cause of quarrel from his ex- 
 ecutors ! "
 
 //. / RR i ' L ORREQ ( r ER. 5 5 
 
 Truly, thought I, there is no equanimity like his who acts 
 as your second in a duel. The gentlemanlike urbanity with 
 which he waits on the opposite friends — the conciliating 
 tone with which he proffers implacable enmity — the killing 
 kindness with which he refuses all accommodation — the 
 Talleyrand air of his short notes dated from the " Travellers," 
 or " Brookes," with the words three o'clock or five o'clock on 
 the cover, all indicative of the friendly precipitancy of the 
 negotiation. Then, when all is settled, the social style with 
 which he asks you to take a cutlet with him at the " Claren- 
 don," not to go home — are only to be equalled by the admi- 
 rable tact on the ground — the studiously elegant salute to 
 the adverse party, half a la Napoleon, and half Beau Brum- 
 mell — the politely offered snuff-box — the coquetting raillery 
 about ten paces or twelve — are certainly the beau ideal of 
 the stoicism which preludes sending your friend out of the 
 world like a gentleman. 
 
 How very often is the face of external nature at variance 
 with the thoughts and actions — "the sayings and doings" 
 we may be most intent upon at the moment. How many 
 a gay and brilliant bridal party has wended its way to St. 
 George's, Hanover-square, amid a down-pour of rain, one 
 would suppose sufficient to quench the torch of Hymen, 
 though it burned as brightly as Captain Drummond's oxygen 
 light ; and on the other hand how frequently are the bluest 
 azure of heaven and the most balmy airs shed upon the 
 heart bursting with affection, or the head bowed with grief ; 
 and without any desire to impugn, as much higher authority 
 has done, the moral character of the moon, how many a 
 scene of blood and rapine has its mild radiance illumined. 
 Such reflections as these came thronging to my mind, as on 
 the afternoon of Tuesday I neared the little village of our 
 rendezvous. The scene which in all its peaceful beauty lay 
 before me, was truly a bitter contrast to the occasion that 
 led me thither. I stood upon a little peninsula which sepa- 
 rates the Shannon from the wide Atlantic. On one side the 
 placid river flowed on its course, between the fields of wav- 
 ing corn, or rich pasturage — the beautiful island of Scattery, 
 with its picturesque ruins reflected in the unrippled tide — the 
 cheerful voices of the reapers, and the merry laugh of the 
 children were mingled with the seamen's cry of the sailors, 
 who were " heaving short " on their anchor, to take the 
 evening tide. The village, which consisted of merely a few
 
 5 6 JIARR Y L ORREQUER. 
 
 small cabins, was still from its situation a pleasing object in 
 the picture, and the blue smoke that rose in slender columns 
 from the humble dwellings took from the scene its character 
 of loneliness, and suggested I (.lings of home and homely 
 enjoyments, which human habitations, however lowly, never 
 fail to do. 
 
 '• At any other time," thought I, "and how I could have 
 enjoyed all this, but now — and ha, I find it is already past 
 five o'clock, and if I am rightly informed I am still above a 
 mile from ' Carrigaholt,' where we were to meet." 
 
 I had dismissed my conveyance when nearing the village, 
 to avoid observation, and now took a foot-path over the 
 hills. Before I had proceeded half a mile, the scene changed 
 completely. I found myself traversing a small glen, grown 
 over with a low oak scrub, and not presenting on any 
 side, the slightest trace of habitation. I saw that the ground 
 had been selected by an adept. The glen, which grew 
 narrow as I advanced, suddenly disclosed to my view a 
 glimpse of the Atlantic, upon which the declining sun was 
 pouring a flood of purple glory. I had scarcely turned from 
 the contemplation of this beautiful object when a long low 
 whistle attracted my attention. I looked in the direction 
 from whence it proceeded, and discovered at some distance 
 from me three figures standing beside the ruin of an old 
 Abbey, which I now for the first time perceived. 
 
 If I had entertained any doubt as to who they were, it had 
 been speedily resolved, for I now saw one of the party wav- 
 ing his hat to me, whom I soon recognized to be Curzon ; 
 he came forward to meet me, and, in the few hundred yards 
 that intervened before our reaching the others, told me as 
 much as he knew of the opposite parly; which, after all, 
 was but little. Mr. Beamish, my adversary, he described as 
 a morose, fire-eating southerner, that evidently longed for an 
 "affair" with a military man, then considered a circum- 
 stance of some e'clat in the south; his second, the doctor, 
 on the contrary, was by far "the best of the cut-throats," a 
 most amusing little personage, full cf his own importance, 
 and profuse in his legends of his own doings in love and 
 war, and evidently disposed to take the pleasing side of 
 every occurrence in life ; they both agreed in but one point — 
 a firm and fixed resolve to give no explanation of the quarrel 
 with me. "So then," said 1, as Curzon hurried over the 
 preceding account, " you absolutely know nothing whatever
 
 HARRY /.i>A'A'/-{>r/-A'. 57 
 
 of the reason for which I am about to give this man a meet- 
 ing." • 
 
 "No more than you," said Curzon, with imperturbable 
 gravity ; " but one thing I am certain of — had I not at once 
 promised him such, he would have posted you in Limerick 
 the next morning ; and, as you know our mess rule in the 
 4-th, I thought it best— — " 
 
 "O, certainly, quite right ; but now are you quite certain I 
 am the man who offended ? for I solemnly assure you, I 
 have not the most remote recollection of having ever heard 
 of him." 
 
 " That point," said Curzon, "there can be no doubt of, 
 for he not only designated you as Mr. Harry Lorrequer, 
 but the gentleman that made all Cork laugh so heartily, by 
 his representation of Othello." 
 
 " Stop ! " said I, " say not a word more ; I'm his man." 
 
 By this time we had reached the ruins, and turning a 
 corner came in full contact with the enemy ; they had been 
 resting themselves on a tombstone, and rose as we approached. 
 
 "Allow me," said Curzon, stepping a little in advance of 
 me, " allow me to introduce my friend Mr. Lorrequer, Dr. 
 Finicane — Dr. Finicane, Mr. Lorrequer." 
 
 " Finucane if quite agreable to you ; Finucane," said the 
 little gentleman, as he lifted his hat straight off his head, 
 and replaced it most accurately, by way of salute. " Mr. Lorre- 
 quer, it is with sincere pleasure I make your acquaintance." 
 Here Mr. Beamish bowed stiffly, in return to my salutation, 
 and at the instant a kind of vague sensation crossed my 
 mind, that those red whiskers and that fiery face were not 
 seen for the first time, but the thumbscrews of the holy office 
 would have been powerless to refresh my memory as to when. 
 
 "Captain," said the doctor, "may I request the favor of 
 your company this way, one minute ? " They both walked 
 aside ; the only words which reached me as I moved off, to 
 permit their conference, being an assurance on the part of 
 the doctor, " that it was a sweet spot he picked out, for, by 
 having them placed north and south, neither need have a 
 patch of sky behind him." Very few minutes sufficed for 
 the preliminaries, and they both advanced smirking and 
 smiling, as if they had just arranged a new plan for the 
 amelioration of the poor, or the benefit of the manufacturing 
 classes, instead of making preparations for sending a gentle- 
 man out of the world.
 
 58 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 " Then, if I understand you, captain," said the doctor, 
 "you step the distance, and 1 give the word." 
 
 " Exactly," said Curzon. 
 
 After a joking allusion to my friend's length of limb, at 
 which we all laughed heartily, we were placed, Curzon and 
 the doctor standing and breaking the line between us ; the 
 pistols were then put into our hands, the doctor saying — 
 '■ Now, gentlemen, I'll just retire six paces, and turn round, 
 which will be quite time enough to prepare, and at the word 
 ' fire ' ye'll blaze away ; mind now." With a knowing wink, 
 the doctor delivered this direction, and immediately moved 
 off; the word " fire" followed, and both pistols went off to- 
 gether. My hat was struck near the top, and, as the smoke 
 cleared away, I perceived that my ball had taken effect upon 
 my adversary ; he was wounded a little below the knee and 
 appeared to steady himself with the greatest difficulty. 
 
 " Your friend is hit," said Curzon, to the doctor, who now 
 came forward with another pistol. " Your friend is hit." 
 
 " So I perceive," said he, placing his finger on the spot ; 
 " but it is no harm in life ; so we proceed, if you please." 
 
 " You don't mean to demand another shot ? " said 
 Curzon. 
 
 " Faith, do I," said the doctor, coolly. 
 
 " Then," said Curzon, " I must tell you most unequivocally, 
 I refuse, and shall now withdraw my friend, and had it not 
 been for a regulation peculiar to our regiment, but never 
 intended to include cases of this nature, we had not been 
 here now ; for up to this hour my principal and myself are 
 in utter ignorance of any cause of offence ever having been 
 offered by him to Mr. Beamish." 
 
 " Giles, do you hear this? " said the doctor. 
 
 But Giles did not hear it, for the rapid loss of blood 
 from his wound had so weakened him that he had fainted, 
 and now lay peaceably on the grass. Etiquette was now at 
 an end, and we all ran forward to assist the wounded man ; 
 for some minutes lie lay apparently quite senseless, and 
 when he at last rallied and looked wildly about him, it 
 appeared to be with difficulty that he recalled any recollec- 
 tion of the place, and the people around him; for a few 
 seconds he fixed his eyes steadily upon the doctor, and with 
 a lip pale and bloodless, and a voice quivering from weak- 
 ness, said : 
 
 " Fin ! didn't 1 tell ye, that pistol always threw high — oh ! "
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 59 
 
 and this he said with a sigh that nearly overpowered him, 
 '• 0, Fin, if you had only given me the saw-handled one that 
 / am used to ; but it is no good talking now." 
 
 In my inmost heart I was grateful to the little doctor for 
 his mistake, for I plainly perceived what "the saw-handled 
 one he was used to " might have done for me, and could not 
 help muttering to myself with good Sir Andrew — " If I had 
 known he was so cunning of fence, I'd have seen him damned 
 before that i fought with him." 
 
 Our first duty was now to remove the wounded man to the 
 high-road, about which both he himself and his second 
 seemed disposed to make some difficulty ; they spoke together 
 for a few moments in a low tone of voice, and then the 
 doctor addressed us, " We feel, gentlemen, this is not a 
 time for any concealment ; but the truth is, we have need of 
 great circumspection here, for I must inform you we are 
 both of us bound over in heavy recognizances to keep the 
 peace." 
 
 " Bound over to keep the peace ! " said Curzon and my- 
 self together." 
 
 "Nothing less; and although there is nobody hereabouts 
 would tell, yet if the affair got into the papers by any means, 
 why there are some people in Cork would like to press my 
 friend there, for he is a very neat shot when he has the saw- 
 handle," and here the doctor winked. 
 
 We had little time permitted us to think upon the oddity 
 of meeting a man in such circumstances, for we were now 
 obliged to contribute our aid in conveying him to the road, 
 where some means might be procured for his transfer to 
 Kilrush or some other town in the neighborhood, for he was 
 by this time totally unable to walk. 
 
 After half an hour's toiling, we at last did reach the high- 
 way, by which time I had ample opportunity, short as the 
 space was, to see something of the character of our two 
 opponents. It appeared that the doctor exercised the most 
 absolute control over his large friend, dictating and com- 
 manding in a tone which the other never ventured to resist ; 
 for a moment or two Mr. Beamish expressed a great desire 
 to be conveyed by night to Kilrush, where he might find 
 means to cross the Shannon into Kerry ; this, however, the 
 doctor opposed strenuously, from the risk of publicity ; and 
 finally settled that we should all go in a body to his friend, 
 Father Malachi Brennan's house, only two miles off, where
 
 6o HARR ) ' LORREQUER. 
 
 the sick man would have the most tender care, and what the 
 doctor considered equally indispensable, we ourselves a most 
 excellent supper, and a hearty welcome. 
 
 " You know Father Malachi, of course, Mr. Lorrequer ? " 
 
 '• I am ashamed to say I do not." 
 
 •■ X -A know Malachi Brennan and live in Clare! Weil, 
 w :11, that is strange ; sure he is the priest of this country for 
 twelve miles in every direction of you, and a better man, and 
 pleas inter, there does not live in the diocese, though I'm his 
 cousin that says it." 
 
 After professing all the possible pleasure it would afford 
 my friend and myself to make the acquaintance of Father 
 Malachi, we proceeded to place Mr. beamish in a car that 
 was passing at the time, and started for the residence of the 
 good priest. The whole of the way thither I was occupied 
 but by one thought, a burning anxiety to know the cause of 
 our quarrel, and I longed for the moment when I might get 
 the doctor apart from his friend to make the inquiry. 
 
 " There, look down to your left, where you see the lights 
 shining so brightly, that is Father Malachi's house ; as sure 
 as my name is De Courcy Finucane, there's fun going on 
 there this night." 
 
 "• Why, there certainly does seem a great illumination in 
 the valley there," said I. 
 
 " May I never," said the doctor, " if it isn't a station " 
 
 " A station ! — pray may I ask " 
 
 "You Reed not ask a word on the subject ; for, if I am a 
 true prophet, you'll know what it means before morning." 
 
 A little more chatting together brought us to a narrow 
 road, flanked on either side by high hedges of hawthorn, and 
 in a few minutes more, we stood before the priest's residence, 
 a long, whitewashed, thatched house, having great appear- 
 ance of comfort and convenience. Arrived here, the doctor 
 seemed at once to take on him the arrangements of the 
 whole party; for after raisin;; the latch and entering the 
 house, he returned to us in a few minutes, and sai 1 : 
 
 " Wait awhile now ; we'll not go in t> bather ,\i 1 ic hi till 
 
 we've put Giles to bed." 
 
 We. accordingly lifted him from off the car, and assisted 
 him into the house, and following Finucane down a narrow 
 passage, at last reached a most comfortable little chamber, 
 with a neat b d ; here we placed him, while the doctor gave 
 some directions to a bare-headed, red-legged hussy, without
 
 HARRY LOR REQUER. 6l 
 
 shoes or stockings, and himself proceeded to examine the 
 wound, which was a more serious one than it first appeared. 
 
 After half an hour thus occupied, during which time roars 
 of merriment and hearty peals of laughter burst upon us 
 every time the door opened, from a distant part of the house, 
 where his reverence was entertaining his friends, and which, 
 as often as they were heard by the doctor, seemed to produce 
 in him sensations not unlike those that afflicted the " wed- 
 ding-guest " in the "Ancient Mariner," when he heard the 
 " loud bassoon," and as certainly imparted an equally long- 
 ing desire to be a partaker in the mirth. We arranged every- 
 thing satisfactorily for Mr. Beamish's comfort, and with a 
 large basin of vinegar and water to keep his knee cool, and 
 a strong tumbler of hot punch to keep his heart warm — 
 homeopathic medicine is not half so new as Dr. Hahneman 
 would make us believe — we left Mr. Beamish to his own 
 meditations, and doubtless regrets that he did not get "the 
 saw-handled one he was used to," while we proceeded to 
 make our bows to Father Malachi Brennan. 
 
 But, as I have no intention to treat the good priest with 
 ingratitude, I shall not present him to my readers at the tail 
 of a chapter. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 THE PRIEST'S SUPPER FATHER MALACHI AND THE COADJUTOR 
 
 MAJOR JONES AND THE ABBE. 
 
 At the conclusion of our last chapter we left our quondam 
 antagonist, Mr. Beamish, stretched at full length upon a bed 
 practicing homeopathy by administering hot punch to his 
 fever, while we followed our chaperon, Dr. Finucane, into 
 the presence of the Reverend Father Brennan. 
 
 The company into which we now, without any ceremony 
 on our parts, introduced ourselves, consisted of from five- 
 and-twenty to thirty persons, seated around a large oak table, 
 plentifully provided with materials for drinking, and cups, 
 goblets, and glasses of every shape and form. The moment 
 we entered the doctor stepped forward, and touching Father 
 Malachi on the shoulder — for so I rightly guessed him to be 
 — presented himself to his relative, by whom he was welcomed 
 with every demonstration of joy. While their recognitions
 
 Gz HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 were exchanged, and while the doctor explained the reasons 
 of our visit, I was enabled, undisturbed and unnoticed, to 
 take a brief survey of the party. 
 
 Father Malachi Brennan, P. P. of Carrigaholt, was what I 
 had often pictured to myself as the beau ideal of his caste ; 
 his figure was short, fleshy, and enormously muscular, and 
 displayed proportions which wanted but height to constitute 
 a perfect Hercules ; his legs so thick in the calf, so taper in 
 the ankle, looked like nothing I know, except, perhaps the 
 metal balustrades of Carlisle bridge ; his face was large and 
 rosy, and the general expression, a mixture of unbounded 
 good-humor and inexhaustible drollery, to which the restless 
 activity of his black and arched eye-brows greatly contrib- 
 uted ; and his mouth, were it not for a character of sen- 
 suality and voluptuousness about the nether lip, had been 
 actually handsome ; his head was bald, except a narrow 
 circle close above the ears, which was marked by a ring of 
 curly dark hair, sadly insufficient, however, to conceal a 
 development behind, that, if there be truth in phrenology, 
 bodes but little happiness to the disciples of Miss Martineau. 
 
 Add to these external signs a voice rich, fluent, and racy, 
 with the mellow " doric " of his country, you have some faint 
 resemblance of one " every inch a priest." The very anti- 
 podes to the bonhomie of this" figure confronted him as crou- 
 pier at the foot of the table. This, as I afterward learned, 
 was no less a person than Mr. Donovan, the coadjutor or 
 "curate;" he was a tall, spare, ungainly-looking man of 
 about five-and-thirty, with a pale, ascetic countenance, the 
 only readable expression of which vibrated between low sus- 
 picion and intense vulgarity : over his low projecting fore- 
 head hung down a mass of straight red hair ; indeed — for 
 nature is not a politician — it almost approached an orange 
 hue. This was cut close to the head all round, and dis- 
 played in their full proportions a pair of enormous ears which 
 stood out in " relief," like turrets from a watch-tower, and 
 with pretty much the same object ; his skin was of that 
 peculiar color and texture to which not all " the water in 
 great Neptune's ocean " could impart a look of cleanliness, 
 while his very voice, hard, harsh, and inflexible, was unpre- 
 possessing and unpleasant. And yet, strange as it may 
 seem, he, too, was a correct type of his order, the only dif- 
 ference being that Father Malachi was an older coinage, with 
 the impress of Douay or St, Omers, whereas Mr. Donovan
 
 //./A'A'i' LorreqUer 63 
 
 was the shining metal, fresh stamped from the mint of 
 Maynooth. 
 
 While thus occupied in my surveillance of the scene before 
 me, I was roused by the priest saying : 
 
 ' ; Ah, Fin, my darling, you needn't deny it ; you're at the 
 old game as sure as my name is Malachi, and ye'll never be 
 easy or quiet till you're sent beyond the sea, or maybe have 
 a record of your virtues on half a ton of marble in the church- 
 yard yonder." 
 
 " Upon my honor, upon the sacred honor of a 1 )e 
 Courcy " 
 
 " Well, well, never mind it now ; ye see ye're just keeping 
 your friends cooling themselves there in the corner — intro- 
 duce me at once." 
 
 " Mr. Lorrequer, I'm sure " 
 
 " My name is Curzon," said the adjutant, bowing. 
 
 " A mighty pretty name, though a little profane ; well, 
 Mr. Curseon," for so he pronounced it, " ye're as welcome 
 as the flowers in May ; and it's mighty proud I am to see ye 
 here." 
 
 "Mr. Lorrequer, allow me to shake your hand — I've heard 
 of ye before." 
 
 There seemed nothing very strange in that ; for go where 
 I would through this county, I seemed as generally known 
 as ever was Brummel in Bond Street. 
 
 " Fin tells me," continued Father Malachi, " that ye'd 
 rather not be known down here, in regard of a reason," and 
 here he winked. " Make yourself quite easy, the king's writ 
 was never but once in these parts: and the 'original and 
 true copy ' went back to Limerick in the stomach of the 
 server ; they made him eat it, Mr. Lorrequer ; but it's as 
 well to be cautious, for there are a good number here. A 
 little dinner, a little quarterly dinner we have among us, 
 Mr. Curseon, to be social together, and raise a ' trifle ' for 
 the Irish college at Rome, where we have a probationer or 
 two ourselves." 
 
 " As good as a station, and more drink," whispered Fin 
 into my ear. " And now," continued the priest, " ye must 
 permit me to rechristen ye both, and the contribution will 
 not be less for what I'm going to do ; and I'm certain you'll 
 not be the worse for the change, Mr. Curseon — though 'tis 
 only for a few hours ye'll have a decent name." 
 
 As I could see no possible objection to this proposal, nor
 
 64 //■/ ft ft 3 " J. OHR1-XU V-.'A'. 
 
 did Curzon either, our only desire being to maintain the 
 secrecy for our antagonist's safety, we at once assented, 
 when Father Malachi took me by the hand, but with such a 
 total change in his whole air and deportment, that I was 
 completely puzzled by it ; he led me forward to the company 
 with a good deal of that ceremonious reverence I have often 
 admired in Sir Charles Vernon, when conducting some full- 
 blown dowager through the mazes of a Castle minuet. The 
 desire to laugh outright was almost irresistible, as the Rev. 
 Father stood at arm's length from me, still holding my hand, 
 and bowing to the company pretty much in the style of a 
 manager introducing a blushing debutante to an audience. 
 A moment more, and I must have inevitably given way to a 
 burst of laughter ; when what was my horror to hear the 
 priest present me to the company as their " excellent, worthy, 
 generous, and patriotic young landlord, Lord Kilkee. Cheer, 
 every mother's son of ye ; cheer, I say ; " and certainly pre- 
 cept was never more strenuously backed by example, for he 
 huzzaed till I thought he would burst a blood-vessel ; may I 
 add, I almost wished it, such was the insufferable annoyance, 
 the chagrin, this announcement gave me ; and I waited with 
 eager impatience for the din and clamor to subside, to dis- 
 claim every syllable of the priest's announcement, and take 
 the consequences of my baptismal epithet, cost what it might. 
 To this 1 was impelled by many and important reasons. 
 Situated as I was with respect to the Callonby family, my 
 assumption of their name at such a moment might get abroad, 
 and the consequences to me be inevitable ruin ; and inde- 
 pendent of my natural repugnance to such sailing under 
 false colors, I saw Curzon laughing almost to suffocation at 
 my wretched predicament, and (so strong within me was the 
 dread of ridicule) I thought " what a pretty narrative he is 
 concocting for the mess this minute." I rose to reply, and 
 whether Father Malachi, with his intuitive quickness, guessed 
 my purpose or not 1 cannot say, but he certainly resolved to 
 outmanoeuvre me, and he succeeded : while with one hand 
 he motioned to the party to keep silence, with the other he 
 took hold of Curzon, but with no peculiar or very measured 
 respect, and introduced him as Mr. Mac Neesh, the new 
 Scotch • steward and improver — a character at that time 
 whose popularity might compete with a tithe proctor or an 
 exciseman. So completely did this tactique turn the tables 
 upon the poor adjutant, who the moment before was exulting
 
 /y./A'A'i' LORREQUER. 65 
 
 over me, that I utterly forgot my own woes, and sat down 
 convulsed with mirth at his situation — an emotion certainly 
 not lessened as 1 saw Curzon passed from one to the other 
 at table, " like a pauper to his parish," till he found an asy- 
 lum at the very foot, in juxta with the engaging Mister Don- 
 ovan, a propinquity, if I might judge from their countenances, 
 uncoveted by either party. 
 
 While this was performing, Dr. Finucane was making his 
 recognitions with several of the company to whom he had 
 been long known during his visits to the neighborhood. 1 
 now resumed my place on the right of the Father, abandon- 
 ing for the present all intention of disclaiming my rank, and 
 the campaign was opened. The priest now exerted himself 
 to the utmost to recall conversation into the original chan- 
 nels, and if possible to draw off attention from me, which he 
 still feared might, perhaps, elicit some unlucky announce- 
 ment on my part. Failing in his endeavors to bring matters 
 to their former footing, he turned the whole brunt of his 
 attentions to the worthy doctor, who sat on his left. 
 
 " How goes on the law," said he, " Fin ? any new proofs, 
 as they call them, forthcoming ? " 
 
 What Fin replied, I could not hear, but the allusion to v the 
 " suit " was explained by Father Malachi informing us that 
 the only impediment between his cousin and the title of 
 Kinsale lay in the unfortunate fact, that his grandmother, 
 " rest her sowl," was not a man. 
 
 Dr. Finucane winced a little under the manner in which 
 this was spoken ; but returned the fire by asking if the 
 bishop was down lately in that quarter ? The evasive 
 way in which " the Father " replied having stimulated 
 my curiosity as to the reason, little entreaty was necessary 
 to persuade the doctor to relate the following anecdote, 
 which was not relished the less by his superior, that it told 
 somewhat heavily on Mr. Donovan. 
 
 " It is about four years ago," said the doctor, " since the 
 Bishop, Dr. Plunket, took it into his head that he'd make a 
 general inspection, ' a reconnaisance,' as we'd call it, Mr. 
 Lor — that is, my lord ! through the whole diocese, and leave 
 no part far nor near without poking his nose in it and see- 
 ing how matters were doing. He heard very queer stories 
 about his reverence here, and so down he came one morning 
 in the month of July, riding upon an old gray hack, looking 
 just for all the world like any other elderly gentleman in 
 
 5
 
 66 IfARR Y LORKEQL '/,A'. 
 
 very rusty black. When he got near the village he picked 
 upon a little boy to show him the short cut across the fields 
 to the house here ; and as his lordship was a ' sharp man 
 and a shrewd/ he kept his eye on everything as he went 
 along, remarking this, and noting down that. 
 
 " ' Are ye regular in yer duties, my son ? ' said he to the 
 gossoon. 
 
 " ' I never miss a Sunday,' said the gossoon ; ' for it's 
 always walking his reverence's horse I am the whole time av 
 prayers.' 
 
 " His lordship said no more for a little while, when he 
 muttered between his teeth, ' Ah, it's just slander — nothing 
 but slander and lying tongues.' This soliloquy was caused 
 by his remarking that on every gate he passed, or from 
 every cabin, two or three urchins would come out half 
 naked, but all with the finest heads of red hair he ever saw 
 in his life. 
 
 " ' How is it, my son,' said he at length ; ' they tell very 
 strange stories about Father Malachi, and I see so many of 
 these children with red hair. Eh — now, Father Malachi's a 
 dark man.' 
 
 " ' True for ye,' said the boy ; ' true for ye, Father Mala- 
 chi's dark; but the coadjutor ! — the coadjutor's as red as a 
 fox.'" 
 
 When the laugh this story caused had a little subsided, 
 Father Malachi called out, " Mickey Oulahan ! Mickey, I 
 say, hand his lordship over ' the groceries ' " — thus he des- 
 ignated a square decanter, containing about two quarts of 
 whisky, and a bowl heaped high with sugar — " a dacent boy 
 is Mickey, my lord, and I'm happy to be the means of mak- 
 ing him known to you." I bowed with condescension, while 
 Mr. Oulahan's eyes sparkled like diamonds at the recog- 
 nition. 
 
 " He has only two years of the lease to run, and a ' long 
 charge,' " (anglice, a large family) continued the priest. 
 
 " I'll not forget him, you may depend upon it," said I. 
 
 " Do you hear that," said Father Malachi, casting a 
 glance of triumph round the table, while a general buzz of 
 commendation on priest and patron went round, with many 
 such phrases as, " Och, thin, it's his riv'rance can do it," " na 
 bockish," " and why not ? " etc., etc ? As for me, I have 
 already " confessed " to my crying sin, a fatal, irresistible 
 inclination to follow the humor of the moment wherever it
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 67 
 
 led me ; and now I found myself as active a partisan in quiz- 
 zing Mickey Oulahan, as though I was not myself a party 
 included in the jest. I was thus fairly launched into my 
 inveterate habit, and nothing could arrest my progress. 
 
 One by one the different individuals round the table were 
 presented to me, and made known their various wants, with 
 an implicit confidence in my power of relieving them, which 
 I with equal readiness ministered to. I lowered the rent of 
 every man at table. I made a general jail delivery, an act 
 of grace (I blush to say) which seemed to be peculiarly 
 interesting to the present company. I abolished all arrears 
 — made a new line of road through an impassable bog, and 
 over an inaccessible mountain — and conducted water to a 
 mill, which (I learned in the morning) was always worked by 
 wind. The decanter had scarcely completed its third circuit 
 of the board, when I bid fair to be the most popular speci- 
 men of the peerage that ever visited the "far west." In the 
 midst of my career of universal benevolence, I was inter- 
 rupted by Father Malachi, whom I found on his legs, pro- 
 nouncing a glowing eulogium on his cousin's late regiment, 
 the famous North Cork. 
 
 " That was the corps ! " said he. " Bid them do a thing, 
 and they'd never leave off; and so, when they got orders to 
 retire from Wexford, it's little they cared for the comforts of 
 baggage, like many another regiment, for they threw away 
 everything but their canteens, and never stopped till they ran 
 to Ross, fifteen miles further than the enemy followed them. 
 And when they were all in bed the same night, fatigued and 
 tired with their exertions, as ye may suppose, a drummer's 
 boy called out in his sleep — ' here they are — they're com- 
 ing ' — they all jumped up and set off in their shirts, and 
 got two miles out of town before they discovered it was a 
 false alarm." 
 
 Peal after peal of laughter followed the priest's encomium 
 on the doctor's regiment ; and, indeed, he himself joined most 
 heartily in the mirth, as he might well afford to do, seeing 
 that a braver or better corps than the North Cork, Ireland 
 did not possess. 
 
 " Well," said Fin, " it's easy to see ye never can forget 
 what they did at Maynooth." 
 
 Father Malachi disclaimed all personal feeling on the sub- 
 ject ; and I was at last gratified by the following narrative, 
 which I regret deeply I am not enabled to give in the doctor's
 
 68 HA RR Y LORREQL r ER. 
 
 own verbiage ; but writing as I do from memory (in most 
 instances), I can only convey the substance. 
 
 It was toward the latter end of the year '98 — the year of 
 the troubles — that the North Cork were ordered, " for their 
 sins," I believe, to march from their snug quarters in Fermoy, 
 and take up a position in the town of Maynooth — a very con- 
 siderable reverse of fortune to a set of gentlemen extremely 
 addicted to dining out, and living at large upon a very 
 pleasant neighborhood. Fermoy abounded in gentry ; May- 
 nooth at that time had few, if any, excepting his Grace of 
 Leinster, and he lived very privately, and saw no company. 
 Maynooth was stupid and dull — there were neither belles nor 
 balls. Fermoy (to use the doctor's well-remembered words) 
 had a great "feeding," and "very genteel young ladies, who 
 carried their handkerchiefs in bags, and danced with the 
 officers." 
 
 They had not been many weeks in their new quarters 
 when they began to pine over their altered fortunes, and it 
 was with a sense of delight, which a few months before 
 would have been incomprehensible to them, they discovered 
 that one of their officers had a brother a young priest in the 
 college ; he introduced him to some of his confreres, and the 
 natural result followed. A visiting acquaintance began be- 
 tween the regiment and such of the members of the college 
 as had liberty to leave the precincts, who, as time ripened 
 the acquaintance into intimacy, very naturally preferred the 
 cuisine of the North Cork to the meagre fare of " the refec- 
 tory." At last seldom a day went by without one or two of 
 their reverences finding themselves guests at the mess. The 
 North Corkians were of a most hospitable turn, and the 
 fathers were determined the virtue should not rust for want 
 of being exercised ; they would just drop in to say a word to 
 " Captain O 'Flaherty about leave to shoot in the demesne," 
 as Carton was styled ; or, they had a " frank from the duke 
 for the colonel," or some other equally pressing reason ; and 
 they would contrive to be caught in the middle of a very 
 droll story just as the " roast beef " was playing. Very little 
 entreaty sufficed — a short apology for the " dereidements " 
 of dress, and a few minutes more found them seated at table 
 without further ceremony on either side. 
 
 Among the favorite guests from the college, two were 
 peculiarly in estimation — " the Professor of the Humanities," 
 Father Luke Mooney ; and the Abbe' D'Array, " the Lecturer
 
 HA RR Y Li WREQUER. 69 
 
 on Moral Philosophy and Belles Lettres," and certain it is, 
 pleasanter fellows, or more gifted with the " convivial bump," 
 there never existed. He of the Humanities was a droll dog 
 — a member of the Curran Club, the " monks of the screw," 
 told an excellent story and sang the " Cruiskeen Lawn" 
 better than did any one before or since him ; the moral 
 philosopher, though of a different genre, was also a most 
 agreeable companion, an Irishman transplanted in his youth 
 to St. Omers, and who had grafted upon his native humor a 
 considerable share of French smartness and repartee — such 
 were the two, who ruled supreme in all the festive arrange- 
 ments of this jovial regiment, and were at last as regular at 
 table as the adjutant and the paymaster, and so might they 
 have continued, had not prosperity, that, in its blighting 
 influence upon the heart, spares neither priests nor lay- 
 men, and is equally severe upon mice (see yEsop's fable) and 
 moral philosophers, actually deprived them, for the " nonce," 
 of reason, and tempted them to their ruin. You naturally 
 ask, what did they do ? Did they venture upon allusions to 
 the retreat upon Ross ? Nothing of the kind. Did they, in 
 that vanity which wine inspires, refer by word, act or 
 innuendo, to the well-known order of their colonel when 
 reviewing his regiment in " the Phoenix," to " advance two 
 steps backward, and dress by the gutter ? " Far be it from 
 them ; though indeed either of these had been esteemed 
 light in the balance compared with their real crime. " Then, 
 what was their failing — come tell it, and burn ye ! " They 
 actually, " horresco referens," quizzed the Major coram the 
 whole mess ! Now, Major John Jones had only lately ex- 
 changed into the North Cork from the " Darry Ragement," 
 as he called it. He was a red-hot Orangeman, a deputy 
 grand-something and vice-chairman of the " 'Prentice Boys " 
 besides. He broke his leg when a schoolboy, by a fall 
 incurred in tying an orange handkerchief around King 
 William's august neck in College-green, on one 12th of July, 
 and three several times had closed the gates of Derry with 
 his own loyal hands, on the famed anniversary ; in a word, 
 he was one, that if his church had enjoined penance as an 
 expiation for sin, would have looked upon a trip to Jerusalem 
 on his bare knees, as a very light punishment for the crime 
 on his conscience, that he sat at table with two buck priests 
 from Maynooth, and carved for them like the rest of the 
 company.
 
 7 o HA RR > ' /. ORREQ I 'KM. 
 
 Poor Major Jones, however, had no such solace, and the 
 canker-worm eat daily deeper and deeper into his pining heart. 
 During the three or four weeks of their intimacy with his 
 regiment, his martyrdom was awful. His figure wasted, and 
 his color became a deeper tinge of orange, and all around 
 averred that there would soon be a "move up" in the corps, 
 for the major had evidently " got his notice to quit " this 
 world and its pomps and vanities. He felt " that he was 
 dying, " to use Haines Bayly's beautiful and apposite words, 
 and meditated an exchange, but that, from circumstances, was 
 out of the question. At last, subdued by grief, and prob- 
 ably his spirit having chafed itself smooth by such constant 
 attrition, he became to all seeming, calmer, but it was only the 
 calm of a broken and weary heart. Such was Major Jones at 
 the time, when " suadente diabolo," it seemed meet to Fathers 
 Mooney and D'Array to make him the butt of their raillery. 
 At first, he could not believe it ; the thing was incredible- 
 impossible ; but when he looked around the table, when he 
 heard the roars of laughter, long, loud and vociferous ; when 
 he heard his name bandied from one to the other across the 
 table, with some vile jest tacked to it, " like a tin kettle to a 
 dog's tail," he awoke to the full measure of his misery — 
 the cup was full. Fate had done her worst, and he might 
 have exclaimed with Lear, "spitfire — spout rain," there was 
 nothing in store for him of further misfortune. 
 
 A drum-head court-martial — a hint " to sell out " — ay, 
 a sentence of " dismissed the service," had been mortal 
 calamities, and like a man, he would have borne them ; but 
 that he, Major John Jones, D.G.S.C.P.B., etc., etc., who had 
 drank the "pious, glorious, and immortal," sitting astride 
 of " the great gun of Athlone," should come to this ! Alas, and 
 alas ! He retired that night to his chamber a " sadder if 
 not a wiser man ; " he dreamed that the " statue " had given 
 place to the unshapely figure of Leo X. and that " Lundy now 
 stood where Walker stood before." He jumped from his 
 bed in a moment of enthusiasm, he vowed his revenge, and 
 he kept his vow. 
 
 That day the major was " acting field officer." The vari- 
 ous patrols, sentries, pickets and out-posts, were all under 
 his especial control ; and it was remarked that he took pecul- 
 iar pains in selecting the men for night duty, which, in the 
 prevailing quietness and peace of that time, seemed scarcely 
 warrantable.
 
 Harry LOkR&QOi k. yi 
 
 Evening drew near, and Major Jones, summoned by the 
 "oft heard beat," wended his way to the mess. The officers 
 were dropping- in, and true as " the needle to the pole," came 
 Father Mooney and the Abbe. They were welcomed with 
 the usual warmth, and strange to say, by none more than the 
 major himself, whose hilarity knew no bounds. 
 
 How the evening passed I shall not stop to relate ; suffice 
 it to say. that a more brilliant feast of wit and jollification, 
 not even the North Cork ever enjoyed. Father Luke's 
 drollest stories, his very quaintest humor shone forth, and 
 the Abbe' sang a new " Chanson a Boire" that Beranger 
 might have envied. 
 
 " What are you about, my clear Father D'Array ! " said the 
 colonel ; " you are surely not rising yet ; here's a fresh cooper 
 of port just come in; sit down, I entreat." 
 
 " I say it with grief, my dear colonel, we must away ; the 
 half-hour has just chimed, and we must be within ' the gates ' 
 before twelve. The truth is, the superior has been making 
 himself very troublesome about 'our carnal amusements' 
 as he calls our innocent mirth, and we must, therefore, be 
 upon our guard." 
 
 " Well, if it must be so, we shall not risk losing your society 
 altogether, for an hour or so now ; so, one bumper to our next 
 meeting — to-morrow, mind, and now, M. D'Abbe, au revoir." 
 
 The worthy fathers finished their glasses, and taking a 
 most affectionate leave of their kind entertainers, sallied forth 
 under the guidance of Major Jones, who insisted upon accom- 
 panying them part of the way, as, " from information he had 
 received, the sentries were doubled in some places, and the 
 usual precautions against surprise all taken." Much as this 
 polite attention surprised the objects of it, his brother officers 
 wondered still more, and no sooner did they perceive the 
 major and his companions issue forth, than they set out in a 
 body to watch where this most novel and unexpected com- 
 plaisance would terminate. 
 
 When the priests reached the door of the barrack-yard, they 
 again turned to utter their thanks to the major, and entreat 
 him once more, " not to come a step farther. There now, 
 major, we know the path well, so just give us the pass, and 
 don't stay out in the night air." 
 
 " Ah, oui. Monsieur Jones," said the Abbe, " retournez, je 
 vous prie. We are, I may say, chez nous. Ces braves gens, 
 les North Cork, know us by this time."
 
 7 2 HA RR V L ORREQUER. 
 
 The Major smiled, while he still pressed his services to 
 see them past the pickets, but they were resolved and would 
 not be denied. 
 
 " With the word for the night, we want nothing more," said 
 Father Luke. 
 
 " Well, then," said the major, in the gravest tone, and he 
 was naturally grave, " you shall have your way, but remem- 
 ber to call out loud, for the first sentry is a little deaf, and a 
 very passionate, ill-tempered fellow to boot." 
 
 " Never fear," said Father Mooney, laughing ; " Fll go 
 bail he'll hear me." 
 
 " Well — the word for the night is — ' Bloody end to the 
 Pope ' — don't forget now, ' Bloody end to the Pope,' " and 
 with these words he banged the door between him and the 
 unfortunate priests ; and as bolt was fastened after bolt, they 
 heard him laughing to himself like a fiend over his vengeance. 
 
 " And big bad luck to ye, Major Jones, for the same, every 
 day ye see a paving stone," was the faint sub-audible ejacu- 
 lation of Father Luke, when he was recovered enough to 
 speak. 
 
 " Sacristi ! que nous sommes attrapes," said the Abbe, 
 scarcely able to avoid laughing at the situation in which 
 they were placed. 
 
 " Well, there's the quarter chiming now ; we've no time 
 to lose — Major Jones ! Major, darling ! don't now, ah, 
 don't ! sure ye know we'll be ruined entirely — there now, 
 just change it, like a dacent fellow — the devil's luck to 
 him, he's gone. Well, we can't stay here in the rain all 
 night, and be expelled in the morning afterward — so come 
 along." 
 
 They jogged on for a few minutes in silence, till they 
 came to that part of the " Duke's " demesne wall, where the 
 first sentry was stationed. By this time the officers, headed 
 by the major, had quietly slipped out of the gate, and were fol- 
 lowing their steps at a convenient distance. 
 
 The fathers had stopped to consult together, what they 
 should do in this trying emergency — when their whisper 
 being overheard, the sentinel called out gruffly, in the genuine 
 dialect of his country, " Who goes t/iat /" 
 
 " Father Luke Mooney and the Abbe' D'Array," said the 
 former, in his most bland and insinuating tone of voice, a 
 quality he most eminently possessed. 
 
 " Stand and give the countersign."
 
 HA RRY LO R R E ( > ( r E A'. 73 
 
 " We are coming from the mess, and going home to the 
 college," said Father Mooney, evading the question, and 
 gradually advancing as he spoke. 
 
 " Stand, or I'll shot ye," said the North Corkian. 
 
 Father Luke halted, while a muttered " Blessed Virgin ! " 
 announced his state of fear and trepidation. 
 
 " D'Array, I say, what are we to do ? " 
 
 " The countersign," said the sentry, whose figure they 
 could perceive in the dim distance of about thirty yards. 
 
 " Sure ye'll let us pass, my good lad, and ye'll have a 
 friend in Father Luke the longest day ye live, and ye might 
 have a worse in time of need ; ye understand." 
 
 Whether he did understand or not, he certainly did not 
 heed, for his only reply was the short click of his gun-lock, 
 that bespeaks a preparation to fire. 
 
 " There's no help now," said Father Luke. " I see he's a 
 haythen ; and bad luck to the major, I say again ; " and this 
 in the fullness of his heart he uttered aloud. 
 
 " That's not the countersign," said the inexorable sentry, 
 striking the butt-end of the musket on the ground with a 
 crash that smote terror into the hearts of the priests. 
 
 Mumble — mumble — " to the Pope," said Father Luke, 
 pronouncing the last words distinctly, after the approved 
 practice of a Dublin watchman, on being awoke from his 
 dreams of row and riot by the last toll of the Post-office, and 
 not knowing whether it has struck " twelve " or " three " sings 
 out the word " o'clock," in a long sonorous drawl, that 
 wakes every sleeping citizen and yet tells nothing how "time 
 speeds on his flight." 
 
 " Louder," said the sentry, in a voice of impatience. 
 
 " to the Pope." 
 
 " I don't hear the first part." 
 
 " O, then," said the priest, with a sigh that might have 
 melted the heart of anything but a sentry, " Bloody end to 
 the Pope ; and may the saints in heaven forgive me for 
 saying it." 
 
 " Again," called out the soldier ; " and no muttering." 
 
 " Bloody end to the Pope," cried Father Luke, in bitter 
 desperation. 
 
 " Bloody end to the Pope," echoed the Abbe'. 
 
 " Pass, bloody end to the Pope, and good-night," said the 
 sentry, resuming his rounds,' while a loud and uproarious 
 peal of laughter behind told the unlucky priests they were
 
 74 HARR \ LORREQUER. 
 
 overheard by others, and the story would be over the whole 
 town in the morning. 
 
 Whether it was that the penance for their heresy took long 
 in accomplishing, or that they never could summon courage 
 sufficient to face their persecutor, certain it is, the North 
 Cork saw them no more, nor were they ever observed 
 to pass the precincts of the college while that regiment 
 occupied Maynooth. 
 
 Major Jones himself, and his confederates, could not have 
 more heartily relished this story, than did the party to whom 
 the doctor related it. Much, if not all the amusement it 
 afforded, however, resulted from his inimitable mode of 
 telling, and the power of mimicry with which he conveyed 
 the dialogue with the sentry, and this, alas, must be lost to 
 my readers, at least to that portion of them not fortunate 
 enough to possess Dr. Finucane's acquaintance. 
 
 " Fin ! Fin ! your long story has nearly famished me," 
 said the padre, as the laugh subsided ; " and there you sit 
 now with the jug at your elbow this half-hour ; I never 
 thought you would forget your old friend Martin Hanegan's 
 aunt." 
 
 " Here's to her health," said Fin ; " and your reverence 
 will get us the chant." 
 
 " Agreed," said Father Malachi, finishing a bumper; and 
 after giving a few preparatory hems, he sang the following 
 " singularly wild and beautiful poem," as some one calls 
 Christabel : 
 
 "Here's a health to Martin Hanegan's aunt, 
 And I'll tell ye the reason why — 
 She eats bekase she is hungry, 
 And drinks bekase she is dry. 
 
 " And if ever a man 
 Stopped the course of a can, 
 Martin Hanegan's aunt would cry — 
 ' A nah, fill up your glass, 
 And lei the jut; pass : 
 How d'ye know but your neighbor's dhry ? ' ' 
 
 " Come, my lord and gentlemen, de capo, if ye please. 
 Fill up your glass," etc. ; and the chanson was chorused with 
 i strength and vigor that would have astonished the Philhar- 
 monic. 
 
 The mirth and fun now grew " fast and furious," and
 
 //.■/ tin I ' /. OkkEQ i 'er. 75 
 
 Father Malachi, rising with the occasion, flung his reckless 
 drollery and fun on every side, sparing none, from his cousin 
 to the coadjutor. It was now that peculiar period in the 
 evening's enjoyment, when an expert and practical chairman 
 gives up all interference or management, and leaves every- 
 thing to take its course; this, then, was the happy moment 
 selected by Father Malachi to propose the little " contri- 
 bution." He brought a plate from a side-table, and placing 
 it before him, addressed the company in a very brief but 
 sensible speech, detailing the object of the institution he was 
 advocating, and concluding with the following words : " And 
 now ye'll just give whatever ye like, according to your means 
 in life, and what ye can spare." 
 
 The admonition, like the "morale " of an income tax, hav- 
 ing the immediate effect of pitting each man against his 
 neighbor, and suggesting to their already excited spirits all 
 the ardor of gambling, without, however, a prospect of gain. 
 The plate was first handed to me in honor of my " rank, " 
 and having deposited upon it a handful of small silver, the 
 priest ran his fingers through the coin, and called out : 
 
 " Five pounds ! at least ; not a farthing less, as I'm a sin- 
 ner. Look, then — see, now ; they tell ye, the gentlemen 
 don't care for the like of ye, but see for yourselves. May I 
 trouble y'r lordship to pass the plate to Mr. Mahony — he's 
 impatient, I see." 
 
 Mr. Mahony, about whom I perceived very little of the 
 impatience alluded to, was a grim-looking old Christian, in a 
 rabbit-skin waistcoat, with long flaps, who fumbled in the re- 
 cesses of his breeches pocket for five minutes, and then 
 drew forth three shillings, which he laid upon the plate, with 
 what I fancied very much resembled a sigh. 
 
 " Six and sixpence, is it ? or five shillings ? — all the same, 
 Mr. Mahony, and I'll not forget the thrifle you were speak- 
 ing about this morning anyway," and here he leaned over as 
 interceding with me for him, but in reality to whisper into 
 my ear, " the greatest miser from this to Castlebar." 
 
 " Who's that put down the half-guinea in goold ? " (and 
 this time he spoke the truth). " Who's that, I say ? " 
 
 " Tim Kennedy, your reverence," said Tim, stroking his 
 hair down with one hand, and looking proud and modest, at 
 the same moment. 
 
 "Tim, ye're a credit to us any da)', and I always said so. 
 It's a gauger he'd like to be, my lord," said he, turning to
 
 76 HARRY LORREQCER. 
 
 me, in a kind of stage whisper. I nodded and muttered 
 something, when he thanked me most profoundly as if his 
 suit had prospered. 
 
 " Mickey Oulahan — the lord's looking at ye, Mickey." 
 This was said pianissime across the table, and had the effect 
 of increasing Mr. Oulahan's donation from five shillings to 
 seven — the last two being pitched in very much in the style 
 of a gambler making his final coup, and crying, " va banque." 
 
 " The Oulahans were always dacent people — dacent peo- 
 ple, my lord." 
 
 " Be gorra, the Oulahans was niver dacenter nor the 
 Molowneys, anyhow," said a tall athletic young fellow, as he 
 threw down three crown pieces, with an energy that made 
 every coin leap from the plate. 
 
 " They'll do now," said Father Brennan ; " I'll leave them 
 to themselves," and truly the' eagerness to get the plate and 
 put down the subscription, fully equalled the rapacious 
 anxiety I have witnessed in an old maid at loo, to get posses- 
 sion of a thirty-shilling pool, be the same more or less, 
 which lingered on its way to her, in the hands of many a fair 
 competitor. 
 
 " Mr. M'Neesh " — Curzon had hitherto escaped all notice 
 — " Mr. M'Neesh, to your good health," cried Father Bren- 
 nan. " It's many a secret they'll be getting out o' ye down 
 there about the Scotch husbandry." 
 
 Whatever poor Curzon knew of "drills," certainly did not 
 extend to them when occupied by turnips. This allusion of 
 the priest's being caught up by the party at the foot of the 
 table, they commenced a series of inquiries into different 
 Scotch plans of tillage — his brief and unsatisfactory answers 
 to which, they felt sure, were given in order to evade im- 
 parting information. By degrees, as they continued to press 
 him with questions, his replies grew more short, and a gen- 
 eral feeling of dislike on both sides was not very long in 
 following. 
 
 The father saw this, and determining with his usual tact 
 to repress it, called on the adjutant for a song. Now, 
 whether he had but one in the world, or whether he took 
 this mode of retaliating for the annoyance he had suffered, 
 I know not ; but true it is, he finished his tumbler at a 
 draught, and with a voice of no very peculiar sweetness, 
 though abundantly loud, began " The Boyne Water." 
 
 II. had just reached the word " battle." in the second line,
 
 1 1. 4 fck Y L ORRKQ UKK. 7 7 
 
 Upon which he was bestowing what he meant to be a shake, 
 when as if the word suggested it, it seemed the signal for a 
 general engagement. Decanters, glasses, jugs, candlesticks 
 — ay, and the money-dish, Mew right and left — all originally 
 intended, it is true, for the head of the luckless adjutant, but 
 as they now and then missed their aim, and came in contact 
 with the "wrong man,'' invariably provoked retaliation, and 
 in a very few minutes the battle became general. 
 
 What may have been the doctor's political sentiments on 
 this occasion I cannot even guess ; but he seemed bent on 
 performing the part of a "convivial Lord Stanley," and 
 maintaining a dignified neutrality. With this apparent ob- 
 ject, he mounted upon the table, to raise himself, I suppose, 
 above the din and commotion of party clamor, and brandish- 
 ing a jug of scalding water, bestowed it with perfect impar- 
 tiality on the combatants on either side. This Whig plan of 
 conciliation, however well intended, seemed not to prosper 
 with either party ; and many were the missiles directed at 
 the ill-starred doctor. Meanwhile, Father Malachi, whether 
 following the pacific instinct of his order, in seeking an asy- 
 lum in troublesome times, or equally moved by an old habit 
 to gather coin in low places (much of the money having 
 fallen), was industriously endeavoring to insert himself 
 beneath the table ; in this, with one vigorous push, he at last 
 succeeded, but in so doing, lifted it from its legs, and thus 
 destroying poor " Fin's " gravity, precipitated him, jug and 
 all, into the thickest of the fray, where he met with that kind 
 reception such a benefactor ever receives at the hands of a 
 grateful public. I meanwhile hurried to rescue poor Cur- 
 zon, who, having fallen to the ground, was getting a cast of 
 his features taken in pewter, for such seemed the operation 
 a stout farmer was performing on the adjutant's face with 
 a quart. With considerable difficulty, notwithstanding my 
 supposed " lordship," I succeeded in freeing him from his 
 present position ; and he concluding, probably, that enough 
 had been done for one " sitting," most unwillingly permitted 
 me to lead him from the room. I was soon joined by the 
 doctor, who assisted me in getting my poor friend to bed ; 
 which being done, he most eagerly entreated me to join the 
 company. This, however I firmly but mildly declined, very 
 much to his surprise ; for as he remarked, " They'll all be 
 like lambs now, for they don't believe there's a whole bone 
 in his body."
 
 7<S //. 1 A'A' ) ' /. ORRMQt 'EK. 
 
 Expressing my deep sense of the Christian-like forbearance 
 of the party. I pleaded fatigue, and bidding him goodnight, 
 adjourned to my bedroom ; and here, although the arrange- 
 ments fell somewhat short of the luxurious ones appertaining 
 to my late apartment at Callonby, they were most grateful 
 at the moment ; and having " addressed myself to slumber," 
 fell fast asleep, and only awoke late on the following morning 
 to wonder where I was ; from any doubts as to which I 
 was speedily relieved by the entrance of the priest's bare- 
 footed " colleen " to deposit on my table a bottle of soda 
 water, and announce breakfast, with his reverence's compli- 
 ments. 
 
 Having made a hasty toilet, I proceeded to the parlor, 
 which, however late events might have impressed upon my 
 memory, I could scarcely recognize. Instead of the long oak 
 table and the wassail bowl, there stood near the fire a small 
 round table, covered with a snow-white cloth, upon which 
 shone in unrivalled brightness a very handsome tea equipage 
 — the hissing kettle on one hob was vis-a-vis'd by a grid- 
 iron with three newly taken trout, frying under the rever- 
 ential care of Father Malachi himself — a heap of eggs ranged 
 like shot in an ordnance yard, stood in the middle of the 
 table, while a formidable pile of buttered toast browned 
 before the grate — the morning papers were airing upon the 
 hearth — everything bespoke that attention to comfort and 
 enjoyment one likes to discover in the house where chance 
 may have domesticated him for a day or two. 
 
 " Good-morning, Mr. Lorrequer. I trust you have rested 
 well," said Father Malachi, as I entered. 
 
 " Never better ; but where are our friends ? " 
 
 " I have been visiting and comforting them in their afflic- 
 tion, and I may with truth assert it is not often my fortune 
 to have three as sickly-looking guests. That was a most 
 unlucky affair last night, and I must apologize." 
 
 " Don't say a word, I entreat ; I saw how it all occurred, 
 and am quite sure if it had not been for poor Curzon's ill. 
 timed melody " 
 
 " You are quite right," said the father, interrupting me. 
 "Your friend's taste for music bad luck to it ! — was the 
 ' teterrima causa belli.' 1 " 
 
 "And the subscription." said 1 ; " how did it succeed ? " 
 
 " < )h, the money went in the commotion; and although 1 
 have got some seven pounds odd shillings of it, the war was
 
 HA R R V L ORR E Q UER. 7 9 
 
 a most expensive one to me. I caught old Mahoney very 
 busy under the table during the fray ; but let us say no more 
 about it now — draw over your chair. Tea or coffee ! there's 
 the rum if you like it i chasse.' " 
 
 I immediately obeyed the injunction, and commenced a 
 vigorous assault upon the trout, caught as he informed me, 
 within twenty perches of the house." 
 
 " Your poor friend's nose is scarcely regimental," said he, 
 " this morning ; and as for Fin, he was never remarkable 
 for beauty, so, though they might cut and hack, they could 
 scarcely disfigure him, as Juvenal says — isn't it Juvenal ? " 
 
 "' Vacuus viator cantabit ante latronem:' 
 
 or in the vernacular : 
 
 " ' The empty traveller may whistle 
 
 Before the robber and his pistil ' (pistol). 
 
 There's the Chili vinegar — another morsel of the trout ? " 
 " I thank you : what excellent coffee, Father Malachi ! " 
 " A secret I learned at St. Omer's some thirty years since. 
 Any letters, Bridget?" — to a damsel who entered with a 
 packet in her hand. 
 
 " A gossoon from Kilrush, y'r reverence, with a bit of note 
 for the gentleman there." 
 
 " For me ! — ah, true enough. Harry Lorrequer, Esq., 
 Kilrush — try Carrigaholt." So ran the superscription — the 
 first part being in a lady's handwriting; the latter very like 
 the " rustic paling " of the worthy Mrs. Healy style. The 
 seal was a large one, bearing a coronet at top, and the motto 
 in old Norman-French told me it came from Callonby. 
 
 With what a trembling hand and beating heart I broke it 
 open, and yet feared to read it — so much of my destiny 
 might be in that simple page. For once in my life my san- 
 guine spirit failed me, my mind could take in but one cas- 
 ualty, that Lady Jane had divulged to her family the nature 
 of my attentions, and that in the letter before me lay a cold 
 mandate of dismissal from her presence forever. 
 
 At last I summoned courage to read it ; but having scrupled 
 to present to my readers the Reverend Father Rrennan at 
 the tail of a chapter, let me not be less punctilious in the 
 introduction of her ladyship's billet.
 
 8o JJA A A J ' L 'JRREQUhR. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 THE LADY'S LETTER-PETER AND HIS ACQUAINTANCE — TOO LATE. 
 
 Her ladyship's letter ran thus : 
 
 " Gallon by, Tuesday morning. 
 " My dear Mr. Lorrequer, — My Lord has deputed me 
 to convey to you our adieus, and at the same time to express 
 our very great regret that we should not have seen you 
 before our departure from Ireland. A sudden call of the 
 House, and some unexpected ministerial changes, require 
 Lord Callonby's immediate presence in town ; and probably 
 before this reaches you we shall be on the road. Lord Kil- 
 kee, who left us yesterday, was much distressed at not having 
 seen you — he desired me to say you shall hear from him 
 from Leamington. Although writing: amid all the haste and 
 bustle of departure, I must not forget the principal part of 
 my commission, nor lady-like defer it to a postscript ; my 
 lord entreats that you will, if possible, pass a month or two 
 with us in London this season ; and if any difficulty should 
 occur in obtaining leave of absence, to make any use of his 
 name you think fit at the Horse Guards, where he has some 
 influence. Knowing, as I do, with what kindness you ever 
 accede to the wishes of your friends, I need not say how 
 much gratification this will afford us all ; but, sans response, 
 we expect you. Believe me to remain, yours very sincerely, 
 
 "Charlotte Callonbv. 
 
 " P. S. — We are all quite well except Lady Jane, who ha > 
 a slight cold and has been feverish for the last day or two." 
 
 Words cannot convey any idea of the torrent of contend- 
 ing emotions under which I perused this letter. The sud- 
 denness of the departure, without an opportunity of even a 
 moment's leave-taking, completely unmanned me. What 
 would I not have given to be able to see her once more, 
 even for an instant to say " a good-bye " — to watch the
 
 HARRY L OR RE Q UER. 8 1 
 
 feeling with which she parted from me, and augur from it 
 either favorably to my heart's dearest hope, or darkest 
 despair. As 1 continued to read on, the kindly tone of the 
 remainder reassured me, and when I came to the invitation 
 to London, which plainly argued a wish on their part to 
 perpetuate the intimacy, I was obliged to read it again 
 and again, before I could convince myself of its reality, 
 There it was, however, most distinctly and legibly impressed 
 in her ladyship's fairest calligraphy ; and certainly great as 
 was its consequence to me at the time, it by no means 
 formed the principal part of the communication. The two 
 lines of postscript contained more, far more food for hopes 
 and fears than did all the rest of the epistle. 
 
 Lady Jane was ill then, slightly however — a mere cold ; 
 true, but she was feverish. I could not help asking myself 
 what share had I in causing that flushed cheek and anxious 
 eye, and pictured to myself, perhaps with more vividness 
 than reality, a thousand little traits of manner, all proofs 
 strong as holy writ to my sanguine mind, that my affection 
 was returned, and that I loved not in vain. Again and 
 again I read over the entire letter ; never truly did a nisi 
 prius lawyer con over a new act of Parliament with more 
 searching ingenuity, to detect its hidden meaning, than did 
 I to unravel through its plain phraseology the secret inten- 
 tion of the writer toward me. 
 
 There is an old and not less true adage, that what we 
 wish we readily believe ; and so with me — I found myself an 
 easy convert to my own hopes and desires; and actually 
 ended by persuading myself— no very hard task — that my 
 Lord Callonby had not only witnessed but approved of my 
 attachment to his beautiful daughter, and for reasons prob- 
 ably known to him, but concealed from me, opined that 
 I was a suitable "parti" and gave all due encouragement to 
 my suit. The hint about using his lordship's influence at 
 the Horse Guards I resolved to benefit by ; not, however, in 
 obtaining leave of absence, which I hoped to accomplish 
 more easily, but with his good sanction in pushing my 
 promotion, when I claimed him as my right honorable 
 father-in-law — a point on the propriety of which I had now 
 fully satisfied myself. 'What visions of rising greatness 
 burst upon my mind, as I thought on the prospect that 
 opened before me ! but here let me do myself the justice to 
 record that, amid all my pleasure and exultation, my proud- 
 
 6
 
 82 HA A 1 A' Y L ORKEQUER. 
 
 est thought was in the anticipation of possessing one in 
 every way so much my superior — the very consciousness of 
 which imparted a thrill of fear to my heart that such good 
 fortune was too much even to hope for. 
 
 How long 1 might have luxuriated in such Chateaux en 
 Espagne heaven knows ; thick and thronging fancies came 
 abundantly to my mind, and it was with something of the 
 feeling of the porter in the Arabian Nights, as he surveyed 
 the fragments of his broken ware, hurled down in a moment 
 of glorious dreaminess, that I turned to look at the squat 
 and unaristocratic figure of Father Malachi, as he sat read- 
 ing his newspaper before the fire. How came I in such 
 company ; methinks the Dean of Windsor, or the Bishop of 
 Durham, had been a much more seemly associate for one 
 destined as I was for the flood-tide of the world's favor. 
 
 My eye at this instant rested upon the date of the letter, 
 which was that, of the preceding morning, and immediately 
 a thought struck me that, as the day was a lowering and 
 gloomy one, perhaps they might have deferred their journey, 
 and I at once determined to hasten to Callonby, and, if 
 possible, see them before their departure. 
 
 " Father Brennan," said I, at length, " I have just re- 
 ceived a letter which compels me to reach Kilrush as 
 soon as possible. Is there any public conveyance in the 
 village ? " 
 
 " You don't talk of leaving us, surely," said the priest, 
 "and a haunch of mutton for dinner, and Fin says he'll be 
 down, and your friend, too, and we'll have poor Beamish in 
 on a sofa." 
 
 " I am sorry to say my business will not permit of delay, 
 but, if possible, 1 shall return to thank you for all your kind- 
 ness, in a day or two — perhaps to-morrow." 
 
 " Oh, then," said Father Brennan, " if it must be so, why 
 you can have ' Pether,' my own pad, and a better you never 
 laid leg over; only give him his own time, and let him 
 keep the 'canter.' and he'll never draw up from morning till 
 night; and now Fll just go and have him in readiness for 
 you." 
 
 After professing my warm acknowledgments to the good 
 hither for his kindness, I hastened to take a hurried fan well 
 of Curzon before going. I found him sitting up in bed, 
 taking his breakfast ; a large strip of black plaster, extend- 
 ing from the corner of one eye across the nose, and ter-
 
 iiANKY Lokk£QU£R. 83 
 
 tmnating near the mouth, denoted the locale of a goodly 
 wound, while the blue, purple and yellow patches into which 
 his face was partitioned out, left you in doubt.whether he 
 now resembled the knave of clubs or a new map of the 
 Ordnance survey; one hand was rapped up in a bandage, 
 and altogether a more rueful and woe-begone figure I have 
 rarely looked upon ; and most certainly I am of opinion 
 that the "glorious, pious and immortal memory" would 
 1 1 ive brought pleasanter recollections to Daniel O'Connell 
 himself than it would on that morning to the adjutant of his 
 Majesty's 4-th. 
 
 " Ah, Harry," said he, as I entered, "what Pandemonium 
 is this we've got into ? Did you ever witness such a 
 business as last night's ? " 
 
 " Why, truly," said I, " I know of no one to blame but 
 yourself ; surely you must have known what a fracas your 
 infernal song would bring on." 
 
 " I don't know whether I knew it or not ; but certainly 
 at the moment I should have preferred anything to the con- 
 founded cross-examination I was under, and was glad to 
 end it by any coup d'etat. One wretch was persecuting me 
 about green crops, and another about the feeding of bul- 
 locks ; about either of which I knew as much as a bear 
 does of a ballet." 
 
 '' Well, truly, you caused a diversion at some expense to 
 your countenance, for I never beheld anything " 
 
 "Stop there," said he, " you surely have not seen* the 
 doctor — he beats me hollow — they have scarcely left so much 
 hair on his head as would do for an Indian's scalp lock ; and, 
 of a verity, his aspect is awful this morning ; he has just been 
 here, and by-the-by has told me all about the affair with 
 Beamish. It appears that somewhere you met him at dinner, 
 and gave a very flourishing account of a relative of his who 
 you informed him was not only selected for some very dashing 
 service, but actually the personal friend of Picton ; and after 
 the family having blazed the matter all over Cork, and given 
 a great entertainment in honof of their kinsman, it turns out 
 that, on the glorious 18th, he ran away to Brussels faster 
 than even the French to Charleroi ; for which act, however, 
 there was no aspersion ever cast upon his courage, that quality 
 being defended at the expense of his honesty ; in a word, he 
 was the paymaster of his company, and had, what Theodore 
 Hook calls an ' affection of his chest,' that required change
 
 #4 HARRY L ORREQ UE A'. 
 
 of air. Looking only to the running away part of the mattef, 
 I unluckily expressed some regret that he did not belong to 
 the North Cork, and I remarked the doctor did not seem to 
 relish the allusion, and (/s I only now remember, it was his 
 regiment, I suppose I'm in for more mischief." 
 
 I had no time to enjoy Curzon's dilemma, and had barely 
 informed him of my intended departure, when a voice from 
 without the room proclaimed that " Pether " was ready, and, 
 having commissioned the adjutant to say the " proper" to Mr. 
 Beamish and the doctor, hurried away, and after a hearty 
 shake of the hand from Father Brennan, and a faithful 
 promise to return soon, I mounted and set off. 
 
 Peter's pace was of all others the one least likely to disturb 
 the lucubrations of a castle-builder like myself ; without any 
 admonition from whip or spur he maintained a steady and 
 constant canter, which, I am free to confess, was more 
 agreeable to sit, than it was graceful to behold ; for his head 
 being much lower than his tail, he every moment appeared 
 in the attitude of a diver about to plunge into the water, and 
 more than once I had misgivings that I would consult my 
 safety better if I sat with my face to the tail ; however, what 
 will not habit accomplish ? Before I had gone a mile or two, 
 I was so lost in my own reveries and reflections that I knew 
 nothing of my mode of progression, and had only thoughts 
 and feelings for the destiny that awaited me ; sometimes I 
 would fancy myself seated in the House of Commons (on 
 the ministerial benches, of course), while some leading 
 oppositionist was pronouncing a glowing panegyric upon 
 the eloquent and statesmanlike speech of the gallant colonel 
 — myself ; then I thought I was making arrangements for 
 setting out for my new appointment, and Sancho Panza never 
 coveted the government of an island more than I did, though 
 only a West Indian one ; and lastly, I saw myself the chosen 
 diplomat on a difficult mission, and was actually engaged 
 in the easy and agreeable occupation of outmanuuvring 
 Talleyrand and Pozzo di Borgo, when Peter suddenly drew 
 ii]) at the door of a small cabin, and convinced me that I was 
 still a mortal man, and a lieutenant in his Majesty's 4-th. 
 Before I had time afforded me even to guess at the reason of 
 this sudden halt, an old man emerged from the cabin, which 
 1 saw now was a road-side ale-house, and presented Peter 
 witli a bucket of meal and water, a species of " viaticum" 
 that he evidently was accustomed to at this place, whether
 
 HARRY LORREQl 7.A'. #5 
 
 bestrode by a priest or an ambassador. Before me lay a 
 long straggling street of cabins, irregularly thrown, as if 
 riddled over the ground ; this I was informed was Kilkee. 
 While my good steed, therefore, was enjoying his potation, I 
 dismounted, to stretch my legs and look about me, and 
 scarcely had I done so when I found half the population of 
 the village assembled round Peter, whose claims to notoriety, 
 I now learned, depended neither upon his owner's fame nor 
 even my temporary possession of him. Peter, in fact, had 
 been a racer once — when, the Wandering Jew might perhaps 
 have told had he ever visited Clare, for not the oldest in- 
 habitant knew the date of his triumphs on the turf ; though 
 they were undisputed traditions, and never did any man 
 appear bold enough to call them in question ; whether it was 
 from his patriarchal character, or that he was the only race- 
 horse ever known in his county I cannot say, but of a truth, 
 the Grand Lama could scarcely be a greater object of 
 reverence in Thibet, than was Peter in Kilkee. 
 
 u Musha, Peter, but it's well y'r looking," cried one. 
 
 " Ah, thin, maybe ye an't fat on the ribs," cried another. 
 
 " An cockin' his tail like a coult," said a third. 
 
 I am very certain, if I might venture to judge from the 
 faces about, that, had the favorite for the St. Leger passed 
 through Kilkee at that moment, comparisons very little to 
 his favor had been drawn from the assemblage around me. 
 With some difficulty I was permitted to reach my much 
 admired steed, and with a cheer, which was sustained and 
 caught up by every denizen of the village as I passed through, 
 I rode on my way, not a little amused at my equivocal 
 popularity. 
 
 Being desirous to lose no time, I diverged from the straight 
 road which leads to Kilrush, and took a cross bridle-path to 
 Callonby ; this I afterward discovered was a detour of a mile 
 or two, and it was already sunset when I reached the entrance 
 to the park. I entered the avenue, and now my impatience 
 became extreme, for, although Peter continued to move at 
 the same uniform pace, I could not persuade myself that he 
 was not foundering at every step, and was quite sure we were 
 scarcely advancing; at last I reached the wooden bridge, 
 and ascended the steep slope, the spot where I had first met 
 her, on whom my every thought now rested. I turned the 
 angle of the clump of beech trees from whence the first view 
 of the house is caught — I perceived to my inexpressible
 
 86 HARRY LOR RENTER. 
 
 delight that gleams of light shone from many of the windows, 
 and could trace their passing from one to the other. I now 
 drew rein, and with a heart relieved from a load of anxiety, 
 pulled up my good steed, and began to think of the position 
 in which a few brief seconds would place me. I reached the 
 small Hower garden, sacred by a thousand endearing recol- 
 lections. Oh, of how very little account are the many words 
 of passing kindness, and moments of light-hearted pleasure, 
 when spoken or felt, compared to the memory of them when 
 hallowed by time or distance ! 
 
 " The place, the hour, the sunshine and the shade," all 
 reminded me of the happy past, and all brought vividly be- 
 fore me every portion of that dream of happiness in which I 
 was so utterly — so completely steeped — every thought of the 
 hopelessness of my passion was lost in the intensity of it, 
 and I did not, in the ardor of my loving, stop to think of its 
 possible success. 
 
 It was strange enough that the extreme impatience, the 
 hurried anxiety, I had felt and suffered from, while riding 
 up the avenue, had now fled entirely, and in its place I felt 
 nothing but a diffident distrust of myself, and a vague sense 
 of awkwardness about intruding thus unexpectedly upon the 
 family, while engaged in all the cares and preparations for a 
 speedy departure. The hall-door lay as usual wide open, 
 the hall itself was strewn and littered with trunks, imperials, 
 and packing-cases, and the hundred et ceteras of travelling 
 baggage. I hesitated a moment whether I should not ring, 
 but at last resolved to enter unannounced, and, presuming 
 upon my intimacy, see what effect my sudden appearance 
 would have on Lady Jane, whose feelings towards me would 
 be thus most unequivocally tested. I passed along the wide 
 corridor, entered the music-room — it was still — I walked 
 then to the door of the drawing-room — I paused — I drew a 
 full breath — my hand trembled slightly as 1 turned the lock 
 — I entered — the room was empty, but the blazing fire upon 
 the hearth, the large arm-chairs drawn around, the scattered 
 books upon the small tables, all told that it had been in- 
 habited, a very short time before. Ah ! thought I, looking 
 at my watch, they are at dinner, and I began at once to 
 devise a hundred different plans to account for my late- ab- 
 sence and present visit. I knew that a few minutes would 
 probably bring them into the drawing-room, and 1 felt flurried 
 and heated as the time drew near. At last I heard voices
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 87 
 
 without — I started from the examination of a pencil-drawing 
 but partly finished, but the artist of which i could not be 
 deceived in — I listened— the sounds drew near — I could not 
 distinguish who were the speakers — the door-lock turned, 
 and I rose to make my well-conned but half-forgotten speech ; 
 and oh, confounded disappointment, Mrs. Herbert, the house- 
 keeper, entered. She started, not expecting to see me, and 
 immediately said : 
 
 "Oh! Mr. Lorrequer ! then you've missed them." 
 
 " Missed them ! " said I ; " how — when — where ? " 
 
 " Did you not get a note from my lord? " 
 
 " No ; when was it written ? " 
 
 " Oh, dear me, that is so very unfortunate. Why, sir, my 
 lord sent off a servant this morning to Kilrush, in Lord 
 Kilkee's tilbury, to request you would meet them all in Ennis 
 this evening, where they had intended to stop for to-night ; 
 and they awaited here till near four o'clock to-day, but when 
 the servant came back with the intelligence that you were 
 from home, and not expected to return soon, they were 
 obliged to set out, and are not going to make any delay now 
 till they reach London. The last direction, however, my 
 lord gave, was to forward my ladyship's letter as soon as 
 possible." 
 
 What I thought, said, or. felt, might be a good subject 
 of confession to Father Malachi, for I fear it may be re- 
 corded among my sins, as I doubt not that the agony f 
 suffered vented itself in no measured form of speech or con- 
 duct ; but I have nothing to confess here on the subject, 
 being so totally overwhelmed as not to know what I did or 
 said. My first gleam of reason elicited itself by asking : 
 
 " Is there, then, no chance of their stopping in Ennis to- 
 night ? " As I put the question my mind reverted to Peter 
 and his eternal canter. 
 
 " Oh, dear, no, sir ; the horses are ordered to take them, 
 since Tuesday ; and they only thought of staying in Ennis, 
 if you came time enough to meet them — and they will be so 
 sorry." 
 
 " Do you think so, Mrs. Herbert ? do you indeed think 
 so ? " said I, in a most insinuating tone. 
 
 " I am perfectly sure of it, sir." 
 
 " Oh, Mrs. Herbert, you are too kind to think so ; but 
 perhaps — that is — maybe, Mrs. Herbert, she said some- 
 thing "
 
 88 HAR A' ) ' L ORREQ I T ER. 
 
 " Who, sir ? " 
 
 " Lady Callonby, I mean : did her ladyship leave any 
 message for me about her plants ? or did she remember " 
 
 Mrs. Herbert kept looking at me all the time, with her 
 great wide gray eyes, while I kept stammering and blushing 
 like a school-boy. 
 
 " No, sir ; her ladyship said nothing, sir ; but Lady 
 Jane " 
 
 " Yes ; well, what of Lady Jane, my dear Mrs. Herbert ? " 
 
 " Oh, sir ! but you look pale ; would not you like to have 
 a little wine and water — or perhaps " 
 
 " No, thanks, nothing whatever ; I am just a little fatigued 
 — but you were mentioning " 
 
 " Yes, sir ; I was saying that Lady Jane was mighty par- 
 ticular about a small plant ; she ordered it to be left in her 
 dressing-room, though Collins told her to have some of the 
 handsome ones of the green-house she would have nothing 
 but this, and if you were only to hear half the directions she 
 gave about keeping it watered and taking off dead leaves, 
 you'd think her heart was set on it." 
 
 Mrs. Herbert would have had no cause to prescribe 
 for my paleness had she only looked at me this time ; fortu- 
 nately, however, she was engaged, housekeeper-like, in bustling 
 among books, papers, etc., which she had come in for the 
 purpose of arranging and packing up. She being left behind 
 to bring up the rear, and the heavy baggage. 
 
 Very few moments' consideration were sufficient to show 
 me that pursuit was hopeless ; whatever might have been 
 Peter's performance in the reign of " Queen Anne," he had 
 now become like the goose so pathetically described by my 
 friend Lover, rather " stiff in his limbs," and the odds were 
 fearfully against his overtaking four horses, starting fresh 
 every ten miles, nut to mention their being some hours in 
 advance already. Having declined all Mrs. Herbert's many 
 kind offers anent food and rest, I took a last lingering look 
 at the beautiful picture, which still held its place in the room 
 lately mine, and hurried from a place so full of recollections ; 
 and notwithstanding the many reasons I had for. self-gratu- 
 lation, every object around and about tilled me with sorrow 
 and regret for hours that had passed — never, never to return. 
 
 It was very late when I reached my old quarters at Kil- 
 rush ; Mrs. 1 lealy fortunately was in bed asleep — fortunately, 
 I say ; for had she selected that occasion to vent her indig-
 
 J/ A A'KY t ORREQ URR. 89 
 
 nation for my long absence, I greatly fear that, in my then 
 temper, I should have exhibited but little of that Job-like 
 endurance for which I was once esteemed : I entered my little 
 mean-looking parlor, with its three chairs and lame table, 
 and, as I flung myself upon the wretched substitute for a 
 sofa, and thought upon the varied events which a few weeks 
 had brought about, it-required the aid of her ladyship's letter, 
 which I opened before me, to assure me I was not dreaming. 
 
 The entire of that night I could not sleep ; my destiny 
 seemed upon its balance ; and whether the scale inclined to 
 this side or that, good or evil fortune seemed to betide me. 
 How many were my plans and resolutions, and how often 
 abandoned ; again to be pondered over, and once more given 
 up. The gray dawn of the morning was already breaking, 
 and found me still doubting and uncertain. At last the die 
 was thrown ; I determined at once to apply for leave to my 
 commanding officer (which he could, if he pleased, give me, 
 without any application to the Horse Guards), set out for 
 Elton, tell Sir Guy my whole adventure, and endeavor, by a 
 more moving love story than ever graced even the Minerva 
 Press, to induce him to make some settlement on me, and use 
 his influence with Lord Callonby in my behalf ; this done, 
 set out for London and then — and then — what then ? — then 
 for the Morning Post — " Cadeau de noces " — " happy couple " 
 — " Lord Callonby's seat in Hampshire," etc., etc. 
 
 " You wished to be called at five, sir," said Stubbes. 
 
 " Yes ; is it five o'clock ? " 
 
 " No, sir ; but I heard you call out something about ' four 
 horses,' and I thought you might be hurried, so I came a 
 little earlier." 
 
 " Quite right, Stubbes, let me have my breakfast as soon 
 as possible, and see that chestnut horse I brought here last 
 night, fed." 
 
 " And now for it," said I, after writing a hurried note to 
 Curzon, requesting him to take command of my party at 
 Kilrush, till he heard from me, and sending my kindest re- 
 membrance to my three friends ; I dispatched the epistle by 
 my servant on Peter, while I hastened to secure a place in 
 the mail for Ennis, on the box-seat of which let my kind 
 reader suppose me seated, as wrapping my box-coat around 
 me, I lit my cigar and turned my eyes toward Limerick.
 
 g 6 HA KR i ' L OA'A'A(J L 1l K. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 CONGRATULATIONS SICK LEAVE HOW TO PASS THE BOARD. 
 
 I had scarcely seated myself at breakfast at Swineburne's 
 hotel in Limerick, when the waiter presented me with a letter. 
 As my first glance at the address showed it to be in Colonel 
 Carden's handwriting, I felt not a little alarmed for the con- 
 sequences of the rash step I had taken in leaving my detaclv 
 ment ; and, while quickly thronging fancies of arrest and 
 court-martial flitted before me, I summoned resolution at last 
 to break the seal, and read as follows : 
 
 " My dear Lorrequer," (" dear Lorrequer ! " dear me, 
 thought I, cool certainly, from one I have ever regarded as 
 an open enemy) — " My dear Lorrequer, I have just accident- 
 ally heard of your arrival here, and hasten to inform you, 
 that, as it may not be impossible your reasons for so abruptly 
 leaving your detachment are known to me, I shall not 
 visit your breach of discipline very heavily. My old and 
 worthy friend, Lord Callonby, who passed through here yes- 
 terday, has so warmly interested himself in your behalf, that 
 I feel disposed to do all in my power to serve you ; indepen- 
 dently of my desire to do so on your own account. Come 
 over here then, as soon as possible, and let us talk over your 
 plans together. 
 
 " Believe me most truly yours, 
 
 " Henry Carden. 
 
 " Barracks, 10 o'clock." 
 
 However mysterious and difficult to unravel, have been 
 some of the circumstances narrated in these "Confessions," 
 I do not scruple to avow that the preceding letter was to 
 me by far the most inexplicable piece of fortune I had 
 hitherto met with. That Lord Callonby should have con- 
 verted one whom I believed an implacable foe into a most 
 obliging friend, was intelligible enough, seeing that his lord- 
 ship had through life been the patron of the colonel ; but
 
 HARR Y LORREQUER. 91 
 
 why he had so done, and what communications he could pos- 
 sibly have made with regard to me, that Colonel Garden 
 should speak of "my plans " and proffer assistance in them, 
 was a perfect riddle; and the only solution, one so ridicu- 
 lously flattering that I dared not think of it. I read and re- 
 read the note ; misplaced the stops, canvassed every expres- 
 sion ; did all to detect a meaning different from the obvious 
 one, fearful of a self-deception where so much was at stake. 
 Yet there it stood forth, a plain straightforward proffer of 
 services, for some object evidently known to the writer ; and 
 my only conclusion, from all, was this, that "my Lord Cal- 
 lonby was the gem of his order, and had a most remarkable 
 talent for selecting a son-in-law." 
 
 I fell into a' deep reverie upon my past life, and the pros- 
 pects which I now felt were opening before me. Nothing 
 seemed extravagant to hopes so well founded — to expecta- 
 tions so brilliant — and, in my mind's eye I beheld myself at 
 one moment leading my young and beautiful bride through 
 the crowded salons of Devonshire House; and at the next 
 I was contemplating the excellence and perfection of my 
 stud arrangement at Melton, for I resolved not to give up 
 hunting. While in this pleasurable exercise of my fancy, I 
 was removing from before me some of the breakfast equi- 
 page, or, as I then believed it, breaking the trees into better 
 groups upon my lawn, I was once more brought to the world 
 and in dull reality, by the following passage, which my eye 
 fell upon in the newspaper before me — " We understand 
 that the 4-th are daily expecting the route for Cork, from 
 whence they are to sail, early in the ensuing month, for Hali- 
 fax, to relieve the 80th." While it did not take a moment's 
 consideration to show me that though the regiment there 
 mentioned was the one I belonged to, I could have no pos- 
 sible interest in the announcement ; it never coming into my 
 calculation that I should submit to such expatriation ; yet it 
 gave me a salutary warning that there was no time to be lost 
 in making my application for leave, which, once obtained, I 
 should have ample time to manage an exchange into another 
 corps. The wonderful revolution a few days had effected 
 in all my tastes and desires, did not escape me at this mo- 
 ment. But a week or two before and I should have regarded 
 an order for foreign service as anything rather than unpleas- 
 ant—now the thought was insupportable. Then there would 
 have been some charm to me in the very novelty of the locale,
 
 g 2 //. / R RY LO h' REQ I T ER. 
 
 and the indulgence of that vagrant spirit I have ever pos- 
 sessed ; for, like Justice Woodcock, " I certainly should have 
 been a vagabond if Providence had not made me a justice of 
 the peace " — now, I could not even contemplate the thing 
 as possible ; and would have actually refused the command 
 of a regiment, if the condition of its acceptance were to 
 sail for the colonies. 
 
 Besides, I tried — and how ingenious is self-deception — I 
 tried to find arguments in support of my determination totally 
 different from the reasons which governed me. I affected to 
 fear climate, and to dread the effect of the tropics upon 
 my health. It may do very well, thought J, for men totally 
 destitute of better prospects ; with neither talent, influence, 
 or powerful connection, to roast their cheeks at Sierra Leone, 
 or suck a sugar cane at St. Lucia. But that you, Harry 
 Lorrequer, should waste your sweetness upon planters' daugh- 
 ters — that have only to be known to have the world at your 
 feet ! The thing is absurd, and not to be thought of! Yes, 
 said I, half aloud — we read in the army lists that Major A. is 
 appointed to the 50th, and Captain B. to the 12th ; but how 
 much more near the truth would it be to say — "That His 
 Majesty, in consideration of the distinguished services of the 
 one, has been graciously pleased to appoint him to — — a case 
 of blue and collapsed cholera, in India ; and also for the 
 bravery and gallant conduct of the other, in his late affair with 
 the ' How-dow-dallah Indians/ has promoted him to the 
 
 vellow fever now devastating and desolating Jamaica." 
 
 How far my zeal for the service might have carried me on this 
 point I know not, for I was speedily aroused from my musings 
 by the loud tramp of feet upon the stairs, and the sound of 
 many well-known voices of my brother officers, who were 
 coming to visit me. 
 
 " So, Harry, my boy," said the fat major, as he entered, " is 
 it true we are not to have the pleasure of your company to 
 Jamaica this time ? " 
 
 " He prefers a pale face, it seems, to a black one ; and cer- 
 tainly, with thirty thousand in the same scale, the taste is ex- 
 cusable." 
 
 "But, Lorrequer," said a third, " we heard that you had 
 canvassed the county on the Callonby interest. Why, man, 
 where do you intend to pull up? " 
 
 " As for me," lisped a large-eyed, white-haired ensign of 
 three months' standing, " I think it devilish hard, old Carden
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 93 
 
 didn't send ;«^down there too, for I hear there are two girls 
 in the family. Eh, Lorrequer ? " 
 
 Having, with all that peculiar bashfulness such occasions 
 are sure to elicit, disclaimed the happiness my friends so 
 clearly ascribed to me, I yet pretty plainly let it be understood 
 that the more brilliant they supposed my present prospects 
 to be, the more near were they to estimate them justly. One 
 thing certainly gratified me throughout. All seemed rejoiced 
 at my good fortune, and even the old Scotch paymaster made 
 no more caustic remark than that he "wadna wonder if the 
 chiel's black whiskers wad get him made governor of Stirling 
 Castle before he'd dee." 
 
 Should any of my most patient listeners to these, my humble 
 Confessions, wonder either here, or elsewhere, upon whatever 
 slight foundation I built these my " Chateaux en Espagne," 1 
 have only one answer — " that from my boyhood I have had a 
 taste for florid architecture, and would rather put up with any 
 inconvenience of ground than not build at all." 
 
 As it was growing late, I hurriedly bade adieu to my friends, 
 and hastened to Colonel Garden's quarters, where I found him 
 waiting for me, in company with my old friend, Fitzgerald, 
 our regimental surgeon. Our first greetings over, the colonel 
 drew me aside into a window, and said that, from certain ex- 
 pressions Lord Callonby had made use of — certain hints he 
 had dropped — he was perfectly aware of the delicate position 
 in which I stood with respect to his lordship's family. " In 
 fact, my dear Lorrequer," he continued, " without wishing in 
 the least to obtrude myself upon your confidence, I must yet 
 be permitted to say, yeu are the luckiest fellow in Europe, and 
 I most sincerely congratulate you on the prospect before you."' 
 
 "But, my dear colonel, I assure you " 
 
 " Well, well, there — not a word more ; don't blush now. 
 I know there is always a kind of secrecy thought necessary 
 on these occasions, for the sake of other parties ; so let us 
 pass to your plans. From what I have collected, you have 
 not yet proposed formally. But, of course, you desire a leave. 
 You'll not quit the army, I trust; no necessity for that; such 
 influence as yours can always appoint you to an unattached 
 commission." 
 
 " Once more, let me protest, sir, that though for certain 
 reasons most desirous to obtain a leave of absence, I have not 
 the most remote " 
 
 u That's right, quite right ; I am sincerely gratified to hear
 
 94 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 you say so, and so will be Lord Callonby; for he likes the 
 service." 
 
 And thus was my last effort at a disclaimer cut short by the 
 loquacious little colonel, who regarded my unfinished sentence 
 as a concurrence with his own opinion. 
 
 " Allah il Allah," thought 1, " it is my Lord Callonby's own 
 plot ; and his friend Colonel Garden aids and abets him." 
 
 " Now, Lorrequer," resumed the colonel, " let us proceed. 
 You have, of course, heard that we are ordered abroad, mere 
 newspaper report for the present ; nevertheless, it is extremely 
 difficult — almost impossible, without a sick certificate, to 
 obtain a leave sufficiently long for your purpose." 
 
 And here he smirked, and I blushed, salon les regies. 
 
 " A sick certificate," said I, in some surprise. 
 
 "The only thing for you," said Fitzgerald, taking a long 
 pinch of snuff ; " and I grieve to say you have a most villain- 
 ous look of good health about you." 
 
 "I must acknowledge I have seldom felt better." 
 
 " So much the worse — so much the worse," said Fitzgerald, 
 despondingly. " Is there no family complaint; no respect- 
 able heirloom of infirmity, you can lay claim to from your 
 kindred?" 
 
 " None that I know of, unless a very active performance 
 on the several occasions of breakfast, dinner, and supper, 
 with a tendency toward port, and an inclination to sleep t n 
 in every twenty-four hours, be a sign of sickness ; these 
 symptoms I have known many of the family suiter for years, 
 without the slightest alleviation, though, strange as it may 
 appear, they occasionally had medical advice. " 
 
 Fitz took no notice of my sneer at the faculty, but proceed- 
 ed to strike my chest several times with his finger tips. 
 " Try a short cough now, " said he. " Ah, that will never 
 do!" 
 
 " Do you ever flush ? Before dinner, I mean ? " 
 
 " Occasionally, when I meet with a luncheon." 
 
 " I'm fairly puzzled," said poor Fitz, throwing himself into 
 a chair ; " gout is a very good thing ; but then you see you 
 are only a sub, and it is clearly against the articles of Avar to 
 have it before being a field officer at least. Apoplexy is the 
 best I can do for you ; and, to say the truth, any one who 
 witnesses your performance at mess may put faith in the like- 
 lihood of il. Do you think you could get up a fit for the 
 medical board ? " said Fitz, gravely,
 
 HARRY LORRKQCER. £<J 
 
 "Why, if absolutely indispensable," said I, "and with 
 good instruction- — something this way. Eh, is it not ? " 
 
 " Nothing of the kind ; you are quite wrong." 
 
 " Is there not always a little laughing and crying ? " said I. 
 
 " Oh, no, no ; take the cue from the paymaster any even- 
 ing after mess, and you'll make no mistake — very florid 
 about the cheeks, rather a lazy look in one eye, the other 
 closed up entirely ;'snore a little from time to time, and don't 
 be much disposed to talk." 
 
 " And you think I may pass muster in this way ? " 
 
 " Indeed you may, if old Camie, the inspector, happens to 
 be (what he is not often) in a good humor. But I confess 
 I'd rather you were really ill, for we've passed a great 
 number of counterfeits latterly, and we may all be pulled up 
 ere long." 
 
 " Not the less grateful for your kindness," said I, " but 
 still I'd rather matters stood as they do." 
 
 Having at length obtained a very formidable statement of 
 my " case " from the doctor, and a strong letter from the 
 colonel, deploring the temporary loss of so promising a 
 young officer, I committed myself and my portmanteau to 
 the inside of his Majesty's mail, and started for Dublin with 
 as light a heart and high spirits as were consistent with so 
 much delicacy of health, and the directions of my doctor. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 THE ROAD TRAVELLING ACQUAINTANCES A PACKET ADVENT- 
 URE. 
 
 I shall not stop now to narrate the particulars of my 
 visit to the worthies of the medical board ; the rather, as 
 some of my " confessions to come " have reference to Dub- 
 lin, and many of those that dwell therein. I shall therefore 
 content myself here with stating that without any difficulty I 
 obtained a six months' leave, and having received much 
 advice and more sympathy from many members of that body, 
 took a respectful leave of them, and adjourned to Bilton's, 
 where I had ordered dinner, and (as I was advised to live 
 low) a bottle of Sneyd's claret. My hours in Dublin were 
 numbered ; at eight o'clock on the evening of my arrival I
 
 96 II A Rk i ' /. ORREQCIIR. 
 
 hastened to the Pigeon House pier to take my berth in the 
 packet for Liverpool ; and here, gentle reader, let me implore 
 you, if you have bowels of compassion, to commiserate the 
 condition of a sorry mortal like myself. In the days of which 
 I now speak, steam packets were not — men knew not then 
 of the pleasure of going to a comfortable bed in Kingston 
 harbor and waking on the morning after in the Clarence 
 dock at Liverpool, with only the addition of a little sharper 
 appetite for breakfast, before they set out on an excursion 
 of forty miles per hour through the air. 
 
 In the time I have now to commemorate, the intercourse 
 between the two countries was maintained by two sailing 
 vessels of small tonnage, and still scantier accommodations. 
 Of the one now in question, I well recollect the name — she 
 was called the " Alert," and certainly a more unfortunate 
 misnomer could scarcely be conceived. Well, there was no 
 choice, so I took my place upon the crowded deck of the 
 little craft, and in a drizzling shower of chilly rain, and amid 
 more noise and confusion and bustle than would prelude 
 the launch of a line-of-battle ship, we " sidled," goose- 
 fashion, from the shore and began our voyage towards 
 England. 
 
 It is not my intention, in the present state of " my Confes- 
 sions," to delay on the road toward an event which influenced 
 so powerfully, and so permanently, my after life ; yet I can- 
 not refrain from chronicling a slight incident which occurred 
 on board the packet, and which I have no doubt may be 
 remembered by some of those who throw their eyes on these 
 pages. 
 
 One of my fellow-passengers was a gentleman holding a 
 high official appointment in the viceregal court, either comp- 
 troller of the household, master of the horse, or something 
 else equally magnificent ; however, whatever the nature of 
 the situation, one thing is certain — one possessed of more court- 
 ly manners, and more polished address, cannot be conceived, 
 to which he added all the attractions of a very handsome 
 person and a most prepossessing countenance. The only 
 thing the most scrupulous critic could possibly detect as 
 faulty in his whole air and bearing was a certain ultra refine- 
 ment and fastidiousness, which in a man of acknowledged 
 family and connections was somewhat unaccountable, and 
 certainly unnecessary. The fastidiousness I speak of extend- 
 ed to everything round and about him ; he never eat of the
 
 Harry lorrequer. 97 
 
 wrong dish, nor spoke to the wrong man in his life, and that 
 very consciousness gave him a kind of horror of chance 
 acquaintances, which made him shrink within himself from 
 persons in every respect his equals. Those who knew Sir 
 Stewart Moore will know I do not exaggerate in either my 
 praise or censure, and to those who have not had that 
 pleasure, I have only to say theirs was the loss, and they 
 must take my word for the facts. 
 
 The very antithesis to the person just mentioned was 
 another passenger then on board. She — for even in sex 
 they were different— she was a short, squat, red-faced, vulgar- 
 looking woman, of about fifty, possessed of a most garrulous 
 tendency, and talking indiscriminately with every one about 
 her, careless what reception her address met with, and quite 
 indifferent to the many rebuffs she momentarily encountered. 
 To me — by what impulse driven Heaven knows — this amor- 
 phous piece of womanhood seemed determined to attach her- 
 self. Whether in the smoky and most impenetrable recesses 
 of the cabin, or braving the cold and penetrating rain upon 
 deck, it mattered not, she was ever at my side, and not only 
 martyring me by the insufferable annoyance of her vulgar 
 loquacity, but actually, from the appearance of acquaint- 
 anceship such constant asso< iation gave rise to, frightening 
 any one else from conversing with me, and rendering me, 
 ere many hours, a perfect Pari ih among the passengers. By 
 no one were we — for, alas, we had become Siamese — so 
 thoroughly dreaded as by the refined baronet I have men- 
 tioned ; he appeared to shrink from our very approach, and 
 avoided us as though we had the plagues of Egypt about us. 
 I saw this — I felt it deeply, and as deeply and resolutely I 
 vowed to be revenged, and the time was not long distant 
 in affording me the opportunity. 
 
 The interesting Mrs. Mulrooney, for such was my fair com- 
 panion called, was on the present occasion making her debut 
 on what she was pleased to call the " says ;" she was pro- 
 ceeding to the Liverpool market as proprietor and super- 
 cargo over some legion of swine that occupied the hold of the 
 vessel, and whose mellifluous tones were occasionally heard 
 in all parts of the ship. Having informed me on these, to- 
 gether with some circumstances of her birth and parentage, 
 she proceeded to narrate some of the cautions given by her 
 friends as to her safety when making such a long voyage, 
 and also to detail some of the antiseptics to that dreadful 
 
 7
 
 98 1-iA lik Y L OA'A'/<{ > I /•.'A'. 
 
 scourge, sea-sickness, in the fear and terror of which she had 
 come on board and seemed every hour to be increasing in 
 alarm about." 
 
 " Do you think, then, sir, that pork is no good agin the 
 sickness ? Mickey, that's my husband, sir, says it's the only 
 thing in life for it, av it's toasted." 
 
 " Not the least use, I assure you." 
 
 " Nor sperits and wather ?" 
 
 " Worse and worse, ma'am." 
 
 " Oh, thin, may be oaten mail tay would do ? it's a beauti- 
 ful thing for the stomick, anyhow." 
 
 '• Rank poison on the present occasion, believe me." 
 
 " Oh, then, Blessed Mary, what am I to do — what is to 
 become of me ? " 
 
 " Go down at once to your berth, ma'am ; lie still and with- 
 out speaking till we come in sight of land; or," and here a 
 bright thought seized me, "if you really feel very ill, call for 
 that man there with the fur collar on his coat ; he can give 
 you the only thing I ever knew of any efficacy; he's the 
 steward, ma'am ; Stewart Moore ; but you must be on your 
 guard, too, as you are a stranger, for he is a conceited fellow, 
 and has saved a trifle, and sets up for a half gentleman ; so 
 don't be surprised at his manner, though, after all, you may 
 find him very different ; some people, I've heard, think him 
 extremely civil." 
 
 " And he has a cure, ye say ? " 
 
 " The only one I ever heard of ; it is a little cordial of 
 which you take, I don't know how much, every ten or fifteen 
 minutes." 
 
 "And the naygur doesn't let the saycret out, bad manners 
 to him ! " 
 
 " No, ma'am; he has refused every offer on the subject." 
 
 " May I be so bowld as to ax his name again ? " 
 
 " Stewart Moore, ma'am. Moore is the name, but people 
 always call him Stewart Moore ; just say that in a loud, clear 
 voice, and you'll soon have him." 
 
 With the most profuse protestations of gratitude and prom- 
 ises of pork " a discretion" if I ever sojourned at Ballin- 
 asloe, my fair friend proceeded to follow my advice, and de- 
 scended to the cabin. 
 
 Some hours after, I also betook myself to my rest, from 
 which, however, toward midnight, 1 was awakened by the 
 heavy working and pitching ot the little vessel, as she
 
 HARR Y Li tRREQUER. 99 
 
 labored in a rough sea. As I looked forth from my narrow 
 crib, a more woe-begone picture can scarcely be imagined 
 than that before me. Here and there through the gloomy 
 cabin lay the victims of the fell malady, in every stage of 
 suffering, and in every attitude of misery. Their cries and 
 lamentings mingled with the creaking of the bulk-heads and 
 the jarring twang of the dirty lamp, whose irregular swing 
 told plainly how oscillatory was our present motion. I 
 turned from the unpleasant sight and was about again to 
 address myself to slumber with what success I might, when I 
 started at the sound of a voice in the very berth next to me 
 — whose tones, once heard, there was no forgetting. The 
 words ran as nearly as I can recollect thus : 
 
 " Oh, then, bad luck to ye for pigs, that ever brought me 
 into the like of this. Oh, Lord, there it is again." And here 
 a slight interruption to eloquence took place, during which I 
 was enabled to reflect upon the author of the complaint, 
 who, I need not say, was Mrs. Mulrooney. 
 
 " I think a little tay would settle my stomach, if I only 
 could get it ; but what's the use of talking in this horrid' 
 place ? They never mind me no more than, if I was a pig. 
 Steward, steward — oh, then, it's wishing you well I am 
 for a steward. Steward, I say," and this she really did 
 say, with an energy of voice and manner that startled more 
 than one sleeper. " Oh, you're coming at last, steward." 
 
 " Ma'am," said a little dapper and dirty personage, in a 
 blue jacket, with a greasy napkin negligently thrown over 
 one arm, " ex officio" " ma'am, did you call ? " 
 
 " Call, is it call ? No, but I am roaring for you this half- 
 hour. Come here. Have you any of the cordial dhrops 
 agin the sickness ? — you know what I mean." 
 
 " Is it brandy, ma'am ? " 
 
 " No, it isn't brandy." 
 
 " We have got gin, ma'am, and bottled porter — cider, 
 ma'am, if you like." 
 
 " Agh, no 1 sure I want the dhrops agin the sickness." 
 
 " Don't know, indeed, ma'am." 
 
 " Ah, you stupid creature ! maybe you're not the real stew- 
 ard. What's your name ? " 
 
 " Smith, ma'am." 
 
 " Ah, I thought so ; go away, man, go away." 
 
 This injunction, r*iven in a diminuendo cadence, was 
 quickly obeyed, and all was silence for a moment or two.
 
 ioo HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 Once more was I dropping asleep when the same voice as 
 before burst out with : 
 
 " Am I to die here like a haythen, and nobody to come 
 near me ? Steward, steward, steward Moore, I say." 
 
 " Who calls vie / " said a deep sonorous voice from the 
 opposite side of the cabin, while at the same instant a tall 
 green silk night-cap, surmounting a very aristocratic-looking 
 forehead, appeared between the curtains of the opposite 
 berth. 
 
 " Steward Moore," said the lady again, with her eyes 
 straining in the direction of the door by which she expected 
 him to enter. 
 
 " This is most strange," muttered the baronet, half aloud. 
 " Why, madam, you are calling me ! " 
 
 " And if I am," said Mrs. Mulrooney, " and if ye heerd 
 me, have ye no manners to answer your name, eh ? Are ye 
 steward Moore ? " 
 
 " Upon my soul, ma'am, I thought so last night when 
 I came on board, but you really have contrived to make me 
 doubt my own identity.'' 
 
 " And is it there ye're lying, on the broad of yer back, and 
 me as sick as a dog foment ye ? " 
 
 " I concede, ma'am, the fact ; the position is a most irk- 
 some one on every account." 
 
 " Then why don't ye come over to me ? " and this Mrs. 
 Mulrooney said with a voice of something like tenderness — 
 wishing at all hazards to conciliate so important a function- 
 ary. 
 
 " Why, really you arc the most incomprehensible person I 
 ever met." 
 
 " I'm what ? " said Mrs. Mulrooney ; her blood rushing to 
 her face and temples as she spoke — for the same reason as 
 her fair towns-woman is reported to have borne with stoical 
 fortitude every harsh epithet of the language, until it occurred 
 to her opponent to tell her that " the divil a bit better she 
 was nor a pronoun ; " so Mrs. Mulrooney, taking " omne 
 ignotum pro horribili" became perfectly beside herself at 
 the unlucky phrase. " I'm what ? repate it av ye dare, and 
 I'll tear yer eyes out ! Ye dirty bla — guard, to be lying there 
 at yer ease under the blankets, grinning at me. What's 
 your trade — answer me that — av it isn't to wait on the ladies, 
 eh ? " . 
 
 " Oh, the woman must be mad ! " said Sir Stewart.
 
 ffA KK Y L OKKEQUER. \ o i 
 
 " The divil a taste mad, my dear — I'm only sick. Now 
 just come over to me, like a decent creature, and give me 
 the dhrop of comfort ye have. Come, avick ! " 
 
 " Go over to you ? " 
 
 " Ay, and why not ? or if it's so lazy ye are, why, then, I'll 
 thry and cross over to your side." 
 
 These words being accompanied by a certain indication 
 of change of residence on the part of Mrs. Mulrooney, Sir 
 Stewart perceived there was no time to lose, and springing 
 from his berth, he rushed half-dressed through the cabin, 
 and up the companion-ladder, just as Mrs. Mulrooney had 
 protruded a pair of enormous legs from her couch, and 
 hung for a moment pendulous before she dropped upon the 
 floor, and followed him to the deck. A tremendous shout 
 of laughter from the sailors and the deck passengers pre- 
 vented my hearing the dialogue which ensued ; nor do I 
 yet know how Mrs. Mulrooney learned her mistake. Cer- 
 tain it is, she no more appeared among the passengers in the 
 cabin, and Sir Stewart's manner the following morning at 
 breakfast amply satisfied me that I .had had my revenge. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 UPSET —MIND AND BODY. 
 
 No sooner in Liverpool, than I hastened to take my place 
 in the earliest conveyance for London. At that time the 
 Umpire Coach was the perfection of fast travelling ; and 
 seated behind the box, enveloped in a sufficiency of broad- 
 cloth, I turned my face toward town with as much anxiety 
 and as ardent expectations as most of those about me. All 
 went on in the regular monotonous routine of such matters 
 until we reached Northampton, passing down the steep street 
 of which town the near wheel-horse stumbled and fell ; the 
 coach, after a tremendous roll to one side, toppled over on 
 the other, and with a tremendous crash, and sudden shock, 
 sent all the outsiders, myself among the number, flying 
 through the air like sea-gulls. As for me, after describing 
 a very respectable parabole, my angle of incidence landed 
 me in a bonnet-maker's shop, having passed through a 
 large plate-glass window, and destroyed more Leghorns and
 
 io2 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 Dunstables than a year's pay would recompense. I have 
 but slight recollection of the details of that occasion until 
 I found myself lying in a very spacious bed at the George 
 Inn, having been bled in both arms, and discovering by 
 the multitude of bandages in which I was enveloped that at 
 Last some of my bones were broken by the fall. That such 
 fate had befallen my collar-bone and three of my ribs I 
 soon learned, and was horror-struck at hearing from the 
 surgeon who attended me, that four or five weeks would be 
 the very earliest period I could bear removal with safety. 
 Here, then, at once was a large deduction from my six months' 
 leave, not to think of the misery that awaited me for such a 
 time, confined to my bed in an inn, without books, friends 
 or acquaintances. However, even this could be remedied 
 by patience, and summoning up all I could command, I 
 " bided my time," but not before I had completed a term of 
 two months' imprisonment, and had become, from actual 
 starvation, something very like a living transparency. 
 
 No sooner, however, did I feel myself once more on the 
 road, than my spirits rose, and I felt myself as full of high 
 hope and buoyant expectancy as ever. It was late at night 
 when I arrived in London. I drove to a quiet hotel in the 
 west-end, and the following morning proceeded to Portman 
 Square, bursting with impatience to see my friends the Cal- 
 lonbys and recount all my adventures — for as I was too ill to 
 write from Northampton, and did not wish to intrust to a 
 stranger the office of communicating with them, I judged 
 that they must be exceedingly uneasy on my account, and 
 pictured to myself the thousand emotions my appearance so 
 indicative of illness would give rise to ; and could scarcely 
 avoid running in my impatience to be once more among 
 them. How Lady Jane would meet me, I thought of again 
 and again ; whether the same cautious reserve awaited me, or 
 whether her family's approval would have wrought a change 
 in her reception of me, I burned to ascertain. As my 
 thoughts ran on in this way, I found myself at the door ; but 
 was much alarmed to perceive that the closed window 
 shutters and dismantled look of the house proclaimed them 
 from home. I rang the bell, and soon learned from a servant, 
 whose face I had not seen before, that the family had gone 
 to Paris about a month before with the intention of spending 
 tin- winter there. I need net say how grievously this piece 
 of intelligence disappointed me, and for a minute or two
 
 //.-/ A' A' r 1. ( >A'K1: Q t 7-: A'. 1 oj 
 
 I could not collect my thoughts. At last the servant 
 said : 
 
 " If you have anything very particular, sir, that my lord's 
 lawyer can do, I can give you his address." 
 
 " No, thank you — nothing ;" at the same time I muttered 
 to myself, " I'll have some occupation for him though, ere 
 long. The family were all quite well, didn't you say ? " 
 
 "Yes, sir, perfectly well. My lord has only a slight cold." 
 
 "Ah — yes — and their address is ' Meurice's ;' very well." 
 
 So saying I turned from the door, and with slower steps 
 than I had come, returned to my hotel. 
 
 My immediate resolve was to set out for Paris ; my second 
 was to visit my uncle, Sir Guy Lorrequer, first, and having 
 explained to him the nature of my position and the advan- 
 tageous prospects before me, endeavor to induce him to 
 make some settlements on Lady Jane, in the event of my 
 obtaining her family's consent to our marriage. This, from 
 his liking great people very much, and laying great stress 
 upon the advantages of connection, I looked upon as a matter 
 of no great difficulty ; so that, although my hopes of happi- 
 ness were delayed in their fulfillment, I believed they were 
 only about to be the more securely realized. The same day 
 I set out for Elton, and by ten o'clock at night I reached 
 my uncle's house. I found the old gentleman looking just 
 as I had left him three years before, complaining a little of 
 gout in the left foot — praising his old specific, port wine — 
 abusing his servants for robbing him — and drinking the Duke 
 of Wellington's health every night after supper ; which meal 
 I had much pleasure in surprising him at on my arrival — not 
 having eaten since my departure from London. 
 
 "Well, Harry," said my uncle, when the servants had left 
 the room, and we drew over the spider-table to the fire to 
 discuss our wine with comfort. " what good wind has blown 
 you down to me, my boy ? for it's odd enough, five minutes 
 before I heard the wheels on the gravel I was just wishing 
 some good fellow would join me at the grouse — and you see 
 I have had my wish ! The old story, I suppose, ' out of 
 cash.' Would not come down here for nothing — eh ? Come, 
 lad, tell the truth ; is it not so? " 
 
 " Why, not exactly, sir ; but I really had rather at present 
 talk about you, than about my own matters, which we can 
 chat over to-morrow. How do you get on, sir, with the Scotch 
 steward ? "
 
 io4 jiakmy LdRR'SQUER. 
 
 "He's a rogue, sir — a cheat — a scoundrel; but it is the" 
 same with them all ; and your cousin, Harry — your cousin, 
 that I have reared from his infancy to be my heir (pleasant 
 topic for me !) — he cares no more for me than the rest of 
 them, and would never come near me if it were not that, 
 like yourself, he was hard run for money and wanted to 
 wheedle me out of a hundred or two." 
 
 " But you forget, sir — I told you I have not come with 
 such an object." 
 
 " We'll see that — we'll see that in the morning," replied 
 he, with an incredulous shake of the head. 
 
 " But Guy, sir — what has Guy done ?" 
 
 " Y\ 'hat has he not done ? No sooner did he join that 
 popinjay set of fellows, the — th hussars, than he turned out 
 what he calls a four-in-hand drag, which dragged nine hum 
 dred pounds out of my pocket — then he has got a yacht at 
 Cowes — a grouse mountain in Scotland — and has actually 
 given Tattersall an unlimited order to purchase the Wreck- 
 ingtOn pack of harriers, which he intends to keep for the use 
 of the corps. In a word, there is not an amusement of that 
 villainous regiment, not a flask of champagne drank at their 
 mess, I don't bear my share in the cost of ; all through the 
 kind offices of your worthy cousin, Guy Lorrequer." 
 
 This was an exceedingly pleasant exposi for me, to hear o\ 
 my cousin indulged in every excess of foolish extravagance 
 by his rich uncle, while I, the son of an elder brother who 
 unfortunately called me by his own name, Harry, remained 
 the sub. in a marching regiment, with not three hundred 
 pounds a year above my pay, and whom any extravagance, if 
 such had been proved against me, would have deprived of 
 even that small allowance. My uncle, however, did not 
 notice the chagrin with which 1 heard his narrative, bm 
 continued to detail various instances of wild and reckless 
 expense the ■ future possessor of his ample property had 
 already launched into. 
 
 Anxious to say something without well knowing what, it 
 hinted that probably my good cousin would reform some ol: 
 these days and marry. 
 
 " Marry," said my uncle ; " yes, that I believe is the best 
 thing we can do with him ; and I hope now the matter is in 
 good train — so the latest accounts say, at least." 
 
 "All, indeed," said 1, endeavoring to take an interest where 
 I really felt none — for my cousin and I had never been very
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 11.5 
 
 intimate friends, and the difference in our fortunes had not, 
 at least to my thinking, been compensated by any advances 
 which he, under the circumstances, might have made to me. 
 
 " Why, Harry, did you not hear of it ? " said my uncle. 
 
 " No — not a word, sir." 
 
 " Very strange, indeed — a great match, Harry — a very great 
 match, indeed." 
 
 " Some rich banker's daughter," thought I. " What will 
 he say when he hears of my fortune ? " 
 
 " A very fine young woman, too, I understand — quite the 
 /v//(' of London — and a splendid property left by an aunt." 
 
 I was bursting to tell him of my affair, and that he had 
 another nephew, to whom, if common justice were rendered, 
 his fortune was as certainly made for life. 
 
 "Guy's business happened this way," continued my uncle, 
 who was quite engrossed by the thought of his favorite's 
 success. " The father of the young lady met him in Ireland, 
 or Scotland, or some such place, where he was with his regi- 
 ment — was greatly struck with his manner and address — 
 found him out to be my nephew — asked him to his house — 
 and, in fact, almost threw this lovely girl at his head before 
 they were two months acquainted." 
 
 "As nearly as possible my own adventure," thought I, 
 laughing to myself. 
 
 " But you have not told me who they are, sir," said I, dying 
 to have his story finished, and to begin mine. 
 
 " I'm comimg to that — I'm coming to that. Guy came 
 down here, but did not tell me one word of his having ever 
 met the family, but begged of me to give him an introduction 
 to them, as they were in Paris, where he was going on a short 
 leave ; and the first thing I heard of the matter was a letter 
 from the papa, demanding from me if Guy was to be my 
 heir, and asking how far his intentions in his family met 
 with my approval." 
 
 " Then how did you know, sir, that they were previously 
 known to each other ? " 
 
 " The family lawyer told me who heard it all talked 
 over. " 
 
 " And why, then, did Guy get the letter of introduction 
 from you when he was already acquainted with them ? " 
 
 " I am sure I cannot tell, except that you know he always 
 does everything unlike anyone else, and to be sure the letter 
 seems to have excited some amusement. I must show you
 
 1 6 HA RR Y 10 RR E < ? I 'ER. 
 
 his answer to my first note to know how all was going on ; 
 for I felt very anxious about matters, when I heard from 
 some person who had met them, that Guy was everlastingly 
 in the house, and that Lord Callonby could not live without 
 him." 
 
 " Lord who, sir ? " said I, in a voice that made the old 
 man upset his glass and spring from his chair in horror. 
 
 " What the devil is the matter with the boy ? What makes 
 you so pale ? " 
 
 " Whose name did you say at that moment, sir ? " said 1, 
 with a slowness of speech that cost me agony. 
 
 " Lord Callonby, my old school fellow and fag at Eton." 
 
 " And the lady's name, sir ? " said I, in scarcely an audible 
 whisper. 
 
 " I'm sure I forgot her name, but here's the letter from 
 Guy, and I think he mentions her name in the postscript." 
 
 I snatched rudely the half-opened letter from the old man, 
 as he was vainly endeavoring to detect the place he wanted, 
 and read as follows : 
 
 " My adored Jane is all your fondest wishes for my hap- 
 piness could picture, and longs to see her dear uncle, as she 
 already calls you on every occasion." I read no more — 
 my eyes swam — the paper, the candles everything before me, 
 was misty and confused ; and although I heard my uncle's 
 voice still going on, I knew nothing of what he said. 
 
 For some time my mind could not take in the full extent 
 of the base treachery I had met with, and I sat speechless 
 and stupefied. By degrees my faculties became clearer, 
 and with one glance I read the whole business, from my 
 first meeting with them at Kilrush to the present moment. 
 1 saw that in their attentions to me, they thought they were 
 winning the heir of Elton, the future proprietor of fifteen 
 thousand per annum. From this tangled web of heartless 
 intrigue, I turned my thoughts to Lady Jane herself. How 
 had she betrayed me ! for certainly she had not only re- 
 ceived, but encouraged my addresses — and so soon too. 
 To think that at the very moment when my own precipitate 
 haste to see her had involved me in a nearly fatal accident, 
 she was actually receiving the attentions of another ! Oh, it 
 wis too, too bad. 
 
 But enough — even now T can scarcely dwell ■ upon the 
 memory of that moment, when the hopes and dreams of 
 many a long day and night were destined to be thus rudely
 
 //. 4 kk Y L ORkEQ UEK. r of 
 
 blighted. I seized the first opportunity of bidding my uncle 
 good night; and having promised him to reveal all my plans 
 on the morrow, hurried to my room. 
 
 My plans ! alas, I had none — that one fatal paragraph had 
 scattered them to the winds ; and I threw myself upon my 
 bed, wretched and almost heart-broken. 
 
 I have once before in these " Confessions " claimed to my- 
 self the privilege not inconsistent with a full disclosure of 
 the memorabilia of my life, to pass slightly over those 
 passages, the burden of which was unhappy, and whose 
 memory is still painful. I must now, therefore, claim the 
 " benefit of this act," and beg the reader to let me pass 
 from this sad portion of my history, and for the full expres- 
 sion of my mingled rage, contempt, disappointment, and 
 sorrow, let me beg of him to receive instead, what a learned 
 pope once gave as' his apology for not reading a rather 
 polysyllabic word in a Latin letter — 
 
 " As for this," said he, looking at the phrase in question, 
 " soit qu' il dit," so say I. And now en route. 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 CHELTENHAM MATRIMONIAL ADVENTURE SHOWING HOW TO 
 
 .MAKE LOVE FOR A FRIEND. 
 
 It was a cold raw evening in February as I sat in the 
 coffee room of the Old Plough in Cheltenham, Lucullus c. 
 Lucullo — no companion save my half-finished decanter of 
 port. I had drawn my chair to the corner of the ample 
 fireplace, and in a half dreamy state was reviewing the in- 
 cidents of my early life, and like most men who, however 
 young, have still to lament talents misapplied, opportunities 
 neglected, profitless labor, and disastrous idleness. The 
 dreary aspect of the large and ill-lighted room — the close- 
 curtained boxes — the unsocial look of everything and body 
 about suited the habit of my soul, and I was on the verge of 
 becoming excessively sentimental — the unbroken silence, 
 where several people were present, had also its effect upon 
 me, and I felt oppressed and dejected. So sat I for an hour ; 
 the clock over the mantel ticked sharply on — the old man 
 in the brown surtout had turned in his chair, and now snored
 
 1 08 HARRY LO R R E Q I 'ER. 
 
 louder — the gentleman who read the Times had got the 
 Chronicle, and i thought I saw him nodding over the adver- 
 tisements. The father who, with a raw son of about nineteen, 
 had dined at six, sat still and motionless opposite his off- 
 spring, and only breaking the silence around by the grating 
 of the decanter as he posted it across the table. The only 
 thing denoting active existence, was a little shrivelled man, 
 who, with spectacles on his forehead, and hotel slippers on 
 his feet, rapidly walked up and down, occasionally stopping 
 at his table to sip a little weak-looking negus, which was his 
 moderate potation for two hours. I have been particular in 
 chronicling these few and apparently trivial circumstances, 
 for by what mere trifles are our greatest and most important 
 movements induced — had the near wheeler of the Umpire 
 been only safe on his fore legs, and while I write this I 
 might — but let me continue. The gloo'm and melancholy 
 which beset me momentarily increased. But three months be- 
 fore, and my prospects presented everything that was fairest 
 and brightest — now all the future was dark and dismal. Then 
 my best friends could scarcely avoid envy at my fortune — 
 now my reverses might almost excite compassion even in an 
 enemy. It was singular enough, and I should not like to 
 acknowledge it, were not these Confessions in their very 
 nature intended to disclose the very penetralia of my heart ; 
 but singular it certainly was — and so I have always felt it 
 since, when reflecting on it — that although much and warmly 
 attached to Lady Jane Callonby, and feeling most acutely 
 what I must call her abandonment of me, yet, the most con- 
 stantly recurring idea of my mind on the subject was, what 
 will the mess say — what will they think at headquarters ! — 
 the raillery, the jesting, the half-concealed allusion, the tone 
 of assumed compassion, which all awaited me, as each of my 
 comrades took up his line of behavior toward me, was, after 
 all, the most difficult thing to be borne, and I absolutely 
 dreaded to join my regiment, more thoroughly than did ever 
 schoolboy to return to his labor on the expiration of his holi- 
 days. I had framed to myself all manner of ways of avoiding 
 this dread event ; sometimes I meditated an exchange into 
 an African corps — sometimes to leave the army altogether. 
 However I turned the affair over in my mind — innumerable 
 difficulties presented themselves, and I was at last reduced to 
 that standstill-point, in which, after continual vacillation, one 
 only waits for the slightest impulse of persuasion from
 
 Harry lorreqi t i:r. 109 
 
 another, to adopt any, no matter what, suggestion. In this 
 enviable frame of mind I sat sipping wine, and watching 
 the clock for that hour at which, with a safe conscience, I 
 might retire to my bed, when the waiter roused me by 
 demanding if my name was Mr. Lorrequer, for that a 
 gentleman having seen my card in the bar, had been making 
 inquiry for the owner of it all through the hotel. 
 
 "Yes," said I, " such is my name ; but I am not acquainted 
 with any one here, that I can remember." 
 
 "The gentleman has only arrived an hour since by the 
 London mail, sir, and here he is." 
 
 At this moment, a tall, dashing-looking, half-swaggering 
 fellow, in a very sufficient envelope of box-coats, entered the 
 coffee-room, and unwinding a shawl from his throat, showed 
 me the honest and manly countenance of my friend Jack 
 Waller, of the — th dragoons, with whom I had served in the 
 Peninsula. 
 
 Five minutes sufficed for Jack to tell me that he was come 
 down on a bold speculation at this unseasonable time for 
 Cheltenham ; that he was quite sure his fortune was about to 
 be made, in a few weeks at furthest, and what seemed nearly 
 as engrossing a topic — that he was perfectly famished, and 
 desired a hot supper, " de suite." 
 
 Jack having dispatched this agreeable meal with a trav- 
 eller's appetite, proceeded to unfold his plans to me as 
 follows : 
 
 There resided somewhere near Cheltenham, in what direction 
 he did not absolutely know, an old East India colonel, who 
 had returned from a long career of successful staff-duties 
 and government contracts, with the moderate fortune of two 
 hundred thousand. He possessed, in addition, a son and a 
 daughter; the former being a rake and a gambler, he had 
 long since consigned to his own devices, and to the latter he 
 had avowed his intention of leaving all his wealth. That 
 she was beautiful as an angel — highly accomplished — gifted 
 — agreeable — and all that, Jack, who had never seen her, was 
 firmly convinced ; that she was also bent resolutely on 
 marrying him, or any other gentleman whose claims were 
 principally the want of money, he was quite ready to swear 
 to ; and, in fact, so assured did he feel that " the whole affair 
 was feasible " (I use his own expression), that he had man- 
 aged a two months' leave, and was come down express to 
 see, make love to, and carry her off at once.
 
 , 10 • HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 " But," said I, with difficulty interrupting him, "how long 
 have you known her father? " 
 
 '* Know him ? I never saw him." 
 
 "Well, that certainly is cool : and how do you propose 
 making his acquaintance. Do you intend to make him a 
 particeps criminis in the elopement of his own daughter for a 
 consideration to be hereafter paid out of his own money ? " 
 
 "Now, Harry, you've touched upon the point in which, 
 you must confess, my genius always stood unrivalled — 
 acknowledge, if you are not dead to gratitude — acknowledge 
 how often should you have gone supperless to bed in our 
 bivouacs in the Peninsula, had it not been for the ingenuity 
 of your humble servant — avow, that if mutton was to be had, 
 and beef to be purloined, within a circuit of twenty miles 
 round, our mess certainly kept no fast days. I need not 
 remind you of the cold morning on the retreat from Burgos, 
 when the inexorable Lake brought five men to the halberds 
 for stealing turkeys, that at the same moment I was engaged 
 in devising an oxtail soup from a heifer brought to our tent 
 in jack boots the evening before, to escape detection by her 
 foot tracks." 
 
 " True, Jack, I never questioned your Spartan talent ; but 
 this affair, time considered, does appear rather difficult." 
 
 " And if it were not, should I have ever engaged in it ? 
 Xo, no, Harry. I put all proper value upon the pretty girl, 
 with her two hundred thousand pounds pin-money. But I 
 honestly own to you the intrigue, the scheme, has as great a 
 charm for me as any part of the transaction." 
 
 " Well, Jack, now for the plan ! " 
 
 "The plan ! oh, the plan. Why, I have several ; but since 
 I have seen you, and talked the matter over with you, I 
 have begun to think of a new mode of opening the trenches." 
 
 " Why, I don't see how J can possibly have admitted a 
 single new ray of light upon the affair." 
 
 " There you are quite wrong. Just hear me out without 
 interruption and I'll explain. I'll first discover the locale of 
 this worthy colonel — ' Hydrabad Cottage' he calls it ; good, 
 eh ! — then I shall proceed to make a tour of the immediate 
 vicinity, and either be taken dangerously ill in his grounds, 
 within ten yards of the hall door, or be thrown from my gig 
 ;it the gate of his avenue, and fracture my skull ; I don't 
 (lie much which. Well, then, as I learn that the.old gentle- 
 man is the most kind, hospitable fellow in the world, he'll
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. m 
 
 admit me at once ; his daughter will tend my sick couch — 
 nurse— read to me, glorious fun, Harry. I'll make fierce 
 love to her ; and now, the only point to be decided is whether, 
 having partaken of the colonel's hospitality so freely, I ought 
 to carry her off, or marry her with papa's consent. You see 
 there is much to be said for either line of proceeding." 
 
 " I certainly agree with you there ; but since you seem to 
 see your way so clearly up to that point, why, I should advise 
 you leaving that an ' open question,' as the ministers say, 
 when they are hard pressed for an opinion." 
 
 " Well, Harry, I consent ; it shall remain so. Now for 
 your part, for I have not come to that." 
 
 " Mine ! " said I in amazement ; " why, how can I possibly 
 have any character assigned me in the drama ?" 
 
 " I'll tell you, Harry, you shall come with me in the gig in 
 the capacity of my valet." 
 
 " Your what ? " said I, horror-struck at his impudence. 
 
 " Come, no nonsense, Harry, you'll have a glorious time of 
 it — shall choose as becoming a livery as you like — and 
 you'll have the whole female world below stairs dying for you : 
 and all I ask for such an opportunity vouchsafed to you is 
 to puff me, your master, in every possible shape and form, 
 and represent me as the most liberal fellow in the world, roll- 
 ing in wealth, and only striving to get rid of it." 
 
 The unparalleled effrontery of Master Jack in assigning to 
 me such an office, absolutely left me unable to reply to him ; 
 while he continued to expatiate upon the great field of exer- 
 tion thus open to us both. At last it occurred to me to ben- 
 efit by an anecdote of a something similar arrangement of 
 capturing, not a young lady, but a fortified town, by retort- 
 ing Jack's proposition. 
 
 "Come," said I, "I agree with only one difference — I'll be 
 the master, and you the man on this occasion." 
 
 To my utter confusion, and without a second's considera- 
 tion, Waller grasped my hand, and cried, " clone." Of 
 course I laughed heartily at the utter absurdity of the whole 
 scheme, and rallied my friend on his prospects for Botany 
 Bay for such an exploit, never contemplating in the most re- 
 mote degree the commission of such extravagance. 
 
 Upon this Jack, to use the expressive French phrase, " pris 
 la parole," touching with a master-like delicacy on my late 
 defeat among the Callonbys (which up to this instant I be- 
 lieved him in ignorance of) ; he expatiated upon the prospect
 
 112 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 of my repairing that misfortune, and obtaining a fortune con- 
 siderably larger ; he cautiously abstained from menti< »ning the 
 personal charms of the young lady, supposing from my lachry- 
 mose look that my heart had not y<Jt recovered the shock of 
 Lady Jane's perfidy, and rather preferred to dwell upon the 
 escape such a marriage could open to me from the mockery 
 of the mess-table, the jesting of my brother officers, and the 
 life-long raillery of the service, wherever the story reached. 
 The fatal facility of my disposition so often and so frankly 
 chronicled in these Confessions — the openness to be led 
 whither any one might take the trouble to conduct me — the 
 easy indifference to assume any character which might be 
 pressed upon me, by chance, accident or design, assisted by 
 my share of three flasks of champagne, induced me first to 
 listen — then to attend to — soon after to suggest — and finally, 
 absolutely to concur in and agree to a proposal which, at any 
 other moment, I must have regarded as downright insanity. 
 As the clock struck two, f had just affixed my name to an 
 agreement, for Jack Waller had so much of method in his 
 madness that, fearful of my retracting in the morning, he had 
 committed the whole to writing, which, as a specimen of Jack's 
 legal talents, I copy from the original document now in my 
 possession. 
 
 " The Plough, Cheltenham, Tuesday night or morning, two 
 o'clock — be the same more or less, f , Harry Lorrequer, sub. 
 in his Majesty's — th regiment of foot, on the one part ; and I, 
 John Waller, commonly called Jack Waller, of the — th light 
 dragoons on the other ; hereby promise and agree, each for 
 himself, and not one for the other, to the following conditions, 
 which are hereafter subjoined, to wit, the aforesaid Jack Wal- 
 ler is to serve, obey, and humbly follow the afore-mentioned 
 Harry Lorrequer, for the space of one month of four weeks, 
 conducting himself in all respects, modes, ways, manners, as 
 his, the aforesaid Lorrequer's own man, skip, valet, or sauce- 
 pan — duly praising, puffing, and lauding the aforesaid Lorre- 
 quer, and in every way facilitating his success to the hand 
 and fortune of " 
 
 " Shall we put in her name, Harry, here?" said Jack. 
 
 " I think not ; we'll fill it up in pencil ; that looks very 
 knowing." 
 
 " at the end of which period, if successful in his suit, 
 
 the aforesaid Harry Lorrequer is to render to the aforesaid
 
 HA KK Y j. uKREQUEk. 1 1 3 
 
 Waller, the sum of ten thousand pounds three and a half per 
 cent, with a faithful discharge in writing for his services as 
 may be. If, on the other hand, and which heaven forbid, the 
 
 aforesaid Lorrequer fail in obtaining the hand of , that 
 
 he will evacuate the territory within twelve hours, and repair- 
 ing to a convenient spot selected by the aforesaid Waller, then 
 and there duly invest himself with a livery chosen by the 
 aforesaid Waller " 
 
 " You know, each man uses his choice in this particular," 
 said Jack. 
 
 " and for the space of four calendar weeks, be unto the 
 
 aforesaid Waller, as his skip, or valet, receiving, in the event 
 of success, the alike compensation as aforesaid, each promis- 
 ing strictly to maintain the terms of this agreement, and 
 binding, by a solemn pledge, to divest himself of every right 
 appertaining to his former condition, for the space of time 
 there mentioned." 
 
 We signed and sealed it formally, and finished another 
 flask to its perfect ratification. This done, and after a hearty 
 shake-hands, we parted and retired for the night. 
 
 The first thing I saw on waking the following morning was 
 Jack Waller standing beside my bed, evidently in excellent 
 spirits with himself and all the world. 
 
 " Harry, my boy, I have done it gloriously," said he, " I 
 only remembered on parting with you last night, that one of 
 the most marked features in our old colonel's character is a 
 certain vague idea, he has somewhere picked up, that he has 
 been at some very remote period of his history a most dis- 
 tinguished officer. This notion, it appears, haunts his mind, 
 and he absolutely believes he has been in every engagement, 
 from the Seven Years' War, down to the Battle of Waterloo. 
 You cannot mention a siege he did not lay down the first 
 parallel for, nor a storming party where he did not lead the 
 forlorn hope ; and there is not a regiment in the service, from 
 those that formed the fighting brigade of Picton, down to the 
 London train-bands, with which, to use his own phrase, he 
 has not fought and bled. This mania of heroism is droll 
 enough, when one considers that the sphere of his action was 
 necessarily so limited ; but yet we have every reason to be 
 thankful for the peculiarity, as you'll say, when I inform you 
 that this morning I dispatched a hasty messenger to his villa, 
 with a most polite note, setting forth that as Mr. Lorrequer — 
 ay, Harry, all above board — there is nothing like it — 'as Mr. 
 
 8
 
 1 1 4 HA RR V L ORREQ L r ER. 
 
 Lorrequer, of the — th, was collecting for publication, such 
 .materials as might serve to commemorate the distinguished 
 achievements of British officers, who have, at any time, been 
 in command — he most respectfully requests an interview with 
 Colonel Kamworth, whose distinguished services, on many 
 gallant occasions, have called forth the unqualified approval of 
 his Majesty's government. Mr. Lorrequer's stay is necessarily 
 limited to a few days, as he proceeds from this to visit Lord 
 Anglesey ; and therefore, would humbly suggest as early a 
 meeting as may suit Colonel K.'s convenience.' What think 
 you now ? Is this a master-stroke or not ? " 
 
 " Why, certainly, we are in for it now," said I, drawing a 
 deep sigh. " But Jack, what is all this ? Why, you're in 
 livery already ! " 
 
 I now, for the first time, perceived that Waller was arrayed 
 in a very decorous suit of dark gray, with cord shorts and 
 boots, and looked a very knowing style of servant for the 
 side of a tilbury. 
 
 " You like it, do you ? Well, I should have preferred 
 something a little more showy myself ; but as you chose this 
 last night, I, of course, gave way, and after all, I believe 
 you're right ; it certainly is neat." 
 
 " Did I choose it last night ? I have not the slightest 
 recollection of it." 
 
 " Yes, you were most particular about the length of the 
 waistcoat, and the height of the cockade, and you see I have 
 followed your orders tolerably close ; and now, adieu to sweet 
 equality for the season, and I am your most obedient serv- 
 ant for four weeks — see that you make the most of it." 
 
 While we were talking, the waiter entered with a note 
 addressed to me, which I rightly conjectured could only 
 come from Colonel Kamworth. It ran thus : 
 
 "Colonel Kamworth feels highly flattered by the polite 
 attention of Mr. Lorrequer, and will esteem it a particular 
 favor, if Mr. L. can afford him the few days his stay in this 
 part of the country will permit, by spending them at Hydra- 
 bad Cottage. Any information as to Colonel Kamworth's 
 services in the four quarters of the globe, he need not say, 
 is entirely at Mr. L. 's disposal. 
 
 " Colonel K. dines at six precisely." 
 
 When Waller had read the note through, he tossed his 
 hat up in the air, and with something little short of an 
 Indian whoop, shouted out:
 
 HARRY LORREQl'l-.R. i | <j 
 
 "The game is won already. Harry, my man, give me the 
 check for the ten thousand : she is your own this minute." 
 
 Without participating entirely in Waller's exceeding de- 
 light, I could not help feeling a growing interest in the part 
 I was advertised to perform, and began my rehearsal with 
 more spirit than I thought I should have been able to com- 
 mand. 
 
 That same evening, at the same hour as that in which on 
 the preceding I sat lone and comfortless by the coffee-room 
 fire, I was seated opposite a very pompous, respectable-look- 
 ing old man, with a large stiff queue of white hair, who 
 pressed me repeatedly to fill my glass and pass the decanter. 
 The room was a small library, with handsomely fitted shelves ; 
 there were but four chairs, but each would have made 
 at least three of any modern one ; the curtains of deep crim- 
 son cloth effectually secured the room from draught ; and 
 the cheerful wood fire blazing on the hearth, which was the 
 only light in the apartment, gave a most inviting look of 
 comfort and snugness to everything. This, thought I, is 
 excellent ; and however the adventure ends, this is certainly 
 pleasant, and I never tasted better Madeira. 
 
 " And so, Mr. Lorrequer, you heard of my affair at Can- 
 tantrabad, when I took the Rajah prisoner ! " 
 
 " Yes," said I; " the Governor-General mentioned the 
 gallant business the very last time I dined at Government- 
 House." 
 
 " Ah, did he ? kind of him, though. Well, sir, I received 
 two millions of rupees on the morning after, and a promise 
 of ten more if I would permit him to escape — but no — I 
 refused flatly." 
 
 " Is it possible? and what did you do with the two mil- 
 lions ? — sent them, of course " 
 
 " No ; that I didn't ; the wretches know nothing of the 
 use of money. No, no ; I have them this moment in good 
 government security. 
 
 " I believe I never mentioned to you the storming of Java. 
 Fill yourself another glass, and I'll describe it all to you, 
 for it will be of infinite consequence that a true narrative of 
 this meets the public eye — they really are quite ignorant of 
 it. Here now is Fort Cornelius, and there is the moat, the 
 sugar basin is the citadel, and the tongs is the first trench, 
 the decanter will represent the tall tower toward the sou'- 
 west angle, and here, the wine-glass — this is me, Well, it
 
 1 16 J1ARR ) ' I.ORKF.Ql'Kk . 
 
 was a little after ten at night that I got the order from the 
 general in command to march upon this plate of figs, which 
 was an open space before Fort Cornelius, and to take up my 
 position in front of the Fort, and with four pieces of field 
 artillery — these walnuts here — to be ready to open fire at a 
 moment's warning upon the sou'-west tower ; but, my dear 
 sir, you have moved the tower ; I thought you were drinking 
 Madeira. As I said before, to open my fire upon the sou'- 
 west tower, or if necessary protect the sugar tongs, which I 
 explained to you was the trench. Just at the same time the 
 besieged were making preparations for a sortie to occupy this 
 dish of almonds and raisins — the high ground to the left of 
 my position — put another log on the fire, if you please, sir, 
 for I cannot see myself — I thought I was up near the figs, 
 and I find myself down near the half-moon." 
 
 " It is past nine," said a servant, entering the room ; 
 " shall I take the carriage for Miss Kamworth, sir ? " This 
 being the first time the name of the young lady was men- 
 tioned since my arrival, I felt somewhat anxious to hear 
 more of her, in which laudable desire I was not however to 
 be gratified, for the colonel, feeling considerably annoyed by 
 the interruption, dismissed the servant by saying : 
 
 " What do you mean, sirrah, by coming in at this moment ; 
 don't you see I am preparing for the attack on the half-moon ? 
 Mr. Lorrequer, I beg your pardon for one moment; this 
 fellow has completely put me out ; and besides, I perceive, 
 you have eaten the flying artillery, and in fact, my dear sir, I 
 shall be obliged to lay down the position again." 
 
 With this praiseworthy interest the colonel proceeded to 
 arrange the " materiel " of our dessert in battle array, when 
 the door was suddenly thrown open, and a very handsome 
 girl, in a most becoming demi toilette, sprung into the room, 
 and either not noticing or not caring that a stranger was 
 present, threw herself into the old gentleman's arms, with 
 a degree of empressement exceedingly vexatious for any third 
 and unoccupied party to witness. 
 
 " Mary, my dear," said the colonel, completely forgetting 
 Java and Fort Cornelius at once, "you don't perceive I have 
 a gentleman to introduce to you ; Mr. Lorrequer, my 
 daughter, Miss Kamworth ;" here the young lady courtesied 
 somewhat stiffly, and I bowed reverently; and we all resumed 
 places. I now found out that Miss Kamworth had been 
 spending the preceding four or five davs at a friend's in the
 
 PA Hk Y L ORREQ UER. \ \ j 
 
 neighborhood, and had preferred coming home somewhat 
 unexpectedly to waiting for her own carriage. 
 
 My Confessions, if recorded verbatim, from the notes of 
 that four weeks' sojourn, would only increase the already too 
 prolix and uninteresting details of this chapter in my life ; 
 I need only say that without falling in love with Mary 
 Kam worth, I felt prodigiously disposed thereto ; she was 
 extremely pretty ; had a foot and ankle to swear by, the 
 most silvery-toned voice I almost ever heard, and a certain 
 witchery and archness of manner that by its very tantalizing 
 uncertainty continually provoked attention, and by suggesting 
 a difficulty in the road to success, imparted a more than 
 common zest in the pursuit. She was a little, a very little 
 blue, rather a dabbler in the " ologies," than a real disciple. 
 Yet she made collections of minerals, and brown beetles, 
 and cryptogamias, and various other homeopathic doses of 
 the creation, infinitesimally small in their subdivision ; in 
 none of which I felt any interest, save in the excuse they 
 gave for accompanying her in her pony-phaeton. This was, 
 however, a rare pleasure, for every morning for at least three 
 or four hours I was obliged to sit opposite the colonel, 
 engaged in the compilation of that narrative of his res gestce, 
 which was to eclipse the career of Napoleon and leave 
 Wellington's laurels but a very faded lustre in comparison. 
 In this agreeable occupation did I pass the greater part of 
 my day, listening to the insufferable prolixity of the most 
 prolix of colonels, and at times, notwithstanding the propin- 
 quity of relationship which awaited us, almost regretting 
 that he was not blown up in any of the numerous explosions 
 his memoir abounded with. I may here mention, that while 
 my literary labor was thus progressing, the young lady 
 continued her avocations as before — not indeed with me for 
 her companion — but Waller ; for Colonel Kamworth, "having 
 remarked the steadiness and propiiety of my man, felt no 
 scruple in sending him out to drive Miss Kamworth," partic- 
 ularly as I gave him a most excellent character for every 
 virtue under Heaven. 
 
 I must hasten on : — The last evening of my four weeks 
 was drawing to a close. Colonel Kamworth had pressed 
 me to prolong my visit, and I only waited for Waller's return 
 from Cheltenham, whither I had sent him for my letters, 
 to make arrangements with him to absolve me from my 
 ridiculous bond, and accept the invitation. We were sitting
 
 1 ig If ARK V LORRR^CRR. 
 
 round the library fire, the colonel, as usual, narrating his 
 early deeds and hair-breadth 'scapes ; Mary, embroidering 
 an indescribable something, which every evening made its 
 appearance, but seemed never to advance, was rather in 
 better spirits than usual, at the same time her manner was 
 nervous and uncertain ; and I could perceive by her fre- 
 quent absence of mind that her thoughts were not so 
 much occupied by the siege of Java as her worthy father 
 believed them. Without laying any stress upon the circum- 
 stance, I must yet avow that Waller's not having returned 
 from Cheltenham gave me some uneasiness, and I more than 
 once had recourse to the bell to demand if " my servant had 
 come back yet ? " At each of these times I well remember 
 the peculiar expression of Mary's look, the half embarrassment, 
 half drollery, with which she listened to the question, and 
 heard the answer in the negative. Supper at length made 
 its appearance ; and I asked the servant who waited, " if my 
 man had brought me any letters," varying my inquiry to con- 
 ceal my anxiety ; and again I heard he had not returned. 
 Resolving now to propose in all form for Miss Kamworth the 
 next morning, and by referring the colonel to my uncle Sir 
 Guy, smooth, as far as I could, all difficulties, I wished them 
 good-night and retired ; not, however, before the colonel had 
 warned me that they were to have an excursion to some 
 place in the neighborhood the next day ; and begging that I 
 might be in the breakfast-room at nine, as they were to 
 assemble there from all parts, and start early on the expedi- 
 tion. I was in a sound sleep the following morning, when a 
 gentle tap at the door awoke me ; at the same time I recog- 
 nized the voice of the colonel's servant, saying, " Mr. Lorre- 
 quer, breakfast is waiting, sir." 
 
 I sprung up at once, and replying, " Very well, I shall 
 come down," proceeded to dress in all haste, but to my 
 horror, I could not discern a vestige of my clothes ; nothing 
 remained of the habiliments I possessed only the day before 
 — even my portmanteau had disappeared. After a most 
 diligent search, I discovered, on a chair in the corner of the 
 room, a small bundle tied up in a handkerchief, on opening 
 which I perceived a new suit of livery of the most gaudy 
 and showy description ; the vest and breeches of yellow 
 plush, with light blue binding and lace; of which color was 
 also the coat, which had a standing collar and huge cuffs, 
 deeply ornamented with worked button-holes and large
 
 If A RR V L ORREQUER. 1 19 
 
 buttons. As I turned the things over, without even a guess 
 of what they could mean, for I was scarcely well awake, I 
 perceived a small slip of paper fastened to the coat sleeve, 
 upon which in Waller's handwriting, the following words 
 were written : 
 
 " The livery I hope will fit you, as I am rather particular 
 about how you'll look ; get quietly down the stable-yard, and 
 drive the tilbury into Cheltenham, where wait for further 
 orders from your kind master, 
 
 " John Waller." 
 
 The horrible villainy of this wild scamp actually paralyzed 
 me. That I should put on such ridiculous trumpery was out 
 of the question ; yet what was to be done ? I rang the bell 
 violently ; " Where are my clothes, Thomas ? " 
 
 "Don't know, sir; I was out all the morning, sir, and 
 never seed them." 
 
 "There, Thomas, be smart now, and send them up, will 
 you ? " Thomas disappeared, and speedily returned to say, 
 " that my clothes could not be found anywhere ; no one 
 knew anything of them, and begged me to come down, as 
 Miss Kamworth desired him to say that they were still 
 waiting, and she begged Mr. Lorrequer would not make an 
 elaborate toilet, as they were going on a country excursion." 
 
 An elaborate toilet ! I wish to heaven she saw my 
 costume ; no, I'll never do it. " Thomas, you must tell the 
 ladies, and the colonel, too, that I feel very ill ; I am not 
 able to leave my bed ; I am subject to attacks — very violent 
 attacks in my head, and must always be left quiet and alone 
 — perfectly alone — mind me, Thomas — for a day at least." 
 Thomas departed ; and as I lay distracted in my bed, I 
 heard, from the breakfast room, the loud laughter of many 
 persons evidently enjoying some excellent joke ; could it be 
 me they were laughing at ; the thought was horrible. 
 
 " Colonel Kamworth wishes to know if you'd like the doc- 
 tor, sir," said Thomas, evidently suppressing a most inveter- 
 ate lit of laughing, as he again appeared at the door. 
 
 " No, certainly not," said I, in a voice of thunder ; " what 
 the devil are you grinning at ? " 
 
 " You may as well come, my man ; you're found out : they 
 all know it now," said the fellow with an odious grin. 
 
 I jumped out of bed, and hurled the boot-jack at him with 
 all my strength ; but had only the satisfaction to hear him go
 
 1 2 o HA RR \ ' L ORREQ UER. 
 
 downstairs chuckling at his escape ; and as he reached the 
 parlor, the increase of mirth and the loudness of the laughter 
 told me that he was not the only one who was merry at my 
 expense. Anything was preferable to this ; downstairs 1 
 resolved to go at once — but how ; a blanket, I thought, 
 would not be a bad thing, and particularly as I had said I 
 was ill ; I could at least get as far as Colonel Kamworth's 
 dressing-room, and explain to him the whole affair ; but then 
 if I was detected en 7-oute, which I was almost sure to be, 
 with so many people parading about the house ! No ; that 
 would never do ; there was but onu alternative, and dreadful, 
 shocking as it was, I could not avoid it, and with a heavy 
 heart, and as much indignation at Waller for what I could 
 not but consider a most scurvy trick, I donned the yellow 
 inexpressibles ; next came the vest, and last the coat, with 
 its broad flaps and lace excrescences, fifty times more absurd 
 and merry-andrew than any stage servant who makes off 
 with his table and two chairs amid the hisses and gibes of 
 an upper gallery. 
 
 If my costume leaned toward the ridiculous, I resolved 
 that my air and bearing should be more than usually austere 
 and haughty, and with something of the stride of John Kem- 
 ble in Coriolanus, I was leaving my bedroom, when I acci- 
 dentally caught a view of myself in the glass ; and so mortified, 
 so shocked was I, that I sank into a chair, and almost aban- 
 doned my resolution to go on ; the very gesture I had as- 
 sumed for my vindication" only increased the ridicule of my 
 appearance ; and the strange quaintness of the costume 
 totally obliterated every trace of any characteristic of the 
 wearer, so infernally cunning was its contrivance. I don't 
 think that the most saturnine martyr of gout and dyspepsia 
 could survey me without laughing. With a bold effort I 
 flung open my door, hurried down the stairs, and reached 
 the hall. The first person I met was a kind of pantry boy, 
 a beast only lately emancipated from the plough and destined 
 after a dozen years' training as a servant again to be turned 
 back to his old employ, for incapacity ; he grinned horribly 
 for a minute, as I passed, and then in a half whisper said : 
 
 " Maester, I advise ye run for it ; they're a waiting for ye 
 with the constables in the justice room." I gave him a 
 look of contemptuous superiority at which he grinned the 
 more, and passed on. 
 
 Without stopping to consider where I was going, I opened
 
 HARRY LOkREQl '/.'A'. il\ 
 
 the door of the breakfast-parlor, and found myself in one 
 plunge among a room full of people. My first impulse was 
 to retreat again ; but so shocked was I at the very first thing 
 that met my sight, that I was perfectly powerless to do any- 
 thing. Among a considerable number of people who stood 
 in small groups round the breakfast-table, I discerned Jack 
 Waller, habited in a very accurate black frock and dark 
 trousers, supporting upon his arm — shall I confess ? — no less 
 a person than Mary Kamworth, who leaned on him with the 
 familiarity of an old acquaintance, and chatted gayly with 
 him. The buzz of conversation which filled the apartment 
 when I entered ceased for a second of deep silence ; and 
 then followed a peal of laughter so long and vociferous, that 
 in my momentary anger I prayed some one might burst a 
 blood-vessel, and frighten the rest. I put on a look of in- 
 describable indignation, and cast a glance of what I intended 
 should be most withering scorn on the assembly ; but alas ! 
 my infernal harlequin costume ruined the effect ; and con- 
 found me, if they did not laugh the louder. I turned from 
 one to the other with the air of a man who marks out victims 
 for his future wrath ; but with no better success ; at last, 
 amid the continued mirth of the party, I made my way to- 
 ward where Waller stood absolutely suffocated with laughter, 
 and scarcely able to stand without support. 
 
 " Waller," said I, in a voice half tremulous with rage and 
 shame together; "Waller, if this rascally trick be yours, rest 
 assured no former term of intimacy between us shall " 
 
 Before I could conclude my sentence, a bustle at the door 
 of the room called every attention in that direction ; I turned 
 and beheld Colonel Kamworth, followed by a strong posse 
 comitatus of constables, tipstaffs, etc., armed to the teeth 
 and evidently prepared for vigorous battle. Before I was 
 able to point out my woes to my kind host, he burst out 
 with : 
 
 " So, you scoundrel, you impostor, you damned young 
 villain, pretending to be a gentleman, you get admission into 
 a man's house and dine at his table, when your proper place 
 had been behind his chair. How far he might have gone, 
 heaven can tell, if that excellent young gentleman, his mas- 
 ter, had not traced him here this morning — but you'll pay 
 dearly for it, you young rascal, that you shall." 
 
 " Colonel Kamworth," said I, drawing myself proudly up 
 (and I confess exciting new bursts of laughter), " Colonel
 
 j 22 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 Kamworth, for the expressions you have just r.pplied to me, 
 a heavy reckoning awaits you ; not, however, before another 
 individual now present shall atone for the insult he has dared 
 to pass upon me." Colonel Kamworth's passion at this dec- 
 laration knew no bounds ; he cursed and swore absolutely 
 like a madman, and vowed that transportation for life would 
 be a mild sentence for such iniquity. 
 
 Waller, at length wiping the tears of laughter from his 
 eyes, interposed between the colonel and his victim, and 
 begged that I might be forgiven ; "for, indeed, my dear sir," 
 said he, " the poor fellow is of rather respectable parentage, 
 and such is his taste for good society that he'd run any risk 
 to be among his betters, although, as in the present case, 
 the exposure brings a rather heavy retribution ; however, 
 let me deal with him. Come, Henry," said he, with an air 
 of insufferable superiority, " take my tilbury into town, and 
 wait for me at the George. I shall endeavor to make your 
 peace with my excellent friend, Colonel Kamworth, and the 
 best mode you can contribute to that object is to let us have 
 no more of your society." 
 
 I cannot attempt to picture my rage at these words ; how- 
 ever, escape from this diabolical predicament was my only 
 present object; and 1 rushed from the room, and springing 
 into the tilbury at the door drove down the avenue at the 
 rate of fifteen miles per hour, amid the united cheers, groans 
 and yells of the whole servants' hall, who seemed to enjoy 
 my " detection," more even than their betters. Meditating 
 vengeance, sharp, short, and decisive, on Waller, the colonel, 
 and every one else in the infernal conspiracy against me, 
 for I utterly forgot every vestige of our agreement in the 
 surprise by which I was taken, I reached Cheltenham. Un- 
 fortunately, 1 had no friend there to whose management I 
 could commit the bearing of a message, and was obliged, 
 as soon as I could procure suitable costume, to hasten up 
 to Coventry where the — th dragoons were then quartered. 
 I lost no time in selecting an adviser, and taking the neces- 
 sary steps to bring Master Waller to a reckoning, and on the 
 third morning we again reached Cheltenham, J thirsting for 
 vengeance, and bursting still with anger ; not so, my friend, 
 however, who never could discuss the affair with common 
 gravity and even ventured every now and then on a sly allusion 
 to my yellow shorts. As we passed the last toll bar, a travel- 
 ling carriage came whirling by with four horses at a tremen-
 
 HANKY LORREQUER. 123 
 
 dous pace ; and as the morning was frosty, and the sun 
 scarcely risen, the whole team was smoking and steaming, 
 so as to be half invisible. We both remarked on the pre- 
 cipitancy of the party ; for as our own pace was consider- 
 able, the two vehicles passed like lightning. We had scarcely 
 dressed, and ordered breakfast, when a more than usual 
 bustle in the yard called us to the window ; the waiter who 
 came in at the same instant told us that four horses were 
 ordered out to pursue a young lady who had eloped that 
 morning with an officer. 
 
 " Ah, our friend in the green travelling chariot, I'll be 
 bound," said my companion ; but as neither of us knew that 
 part of the country ; and I was too engrossed by my own 
 thoughts, I never inquired further. As the chaise in chase 
 drove round to the door, I looked to see what the pursuer 
 was like ; and as he issued from the inn, recognized my ci- 
 devant host, Colonel Kamworth. I need not say that my 
 vengeance was sated at once ; he had lost his daughter, and 
 Ji'a//er wzs on the road to be married. Apologies and ex- 
 planations came in due time, for all my injuries and suffer- 
 ings ; and I confess, the part which pleased me most was, 
 that I saw no more of Jack for a considerable period after ; 
 he started for the Continent, where he has lived ever since 
 on a small allowance, granted by his father-in-law, and 
 never paying me the stipulated sum, as I had clearly broken 
 the compact. 
 
 So much for my second attempt at matrimony; one would 
 suppose that such experience should be deemed sufficient to 
 show that my talent did not lie in that way. And here I 
 must rest for the present, with the additional confession, 
 that so strong was the memory of that vile adventure, that I 
 refused a lucrative appointment under Lord Anglesey's 
 government, when I discovered that his livery included "yel- 
 low plush breeches ; " to have such " souvenirs " flitting 
 around and about me, at dinner and elsewhere, would have 
 left me without a pleasure in existence.
 
 1.24 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 DUBLIN TOM o'FLAHERTY A REMINISCENCE OK THE PENIN- 
 SULA. 
 
 Dear, dirty Dublin — " Io te salute," — how many excellent 
 things may be said of thee, if, unfortunately, it did not hap- 
 pen that the theme is an old one, and has been much better 
 sung that it can ever now be said. With thus much of 
 apology for no more lengthened panegyric, let me beg of my 
 reader, if he be conversant with that most moving melody — 
 the Groves of Blarney — to hum the following lines, which 
 I heard shortly after my landing, and which will express my 
 cwn feelings for the " loved spot " : 
 
 " O ! Dublin sure there is no doubtin' 
 
 Beats every city upon the say, 
 'Tis there you'll see O'Connell spouting, 
 
 And the Lady Morgan maying ' toy.' 
 For 'tis the capital of the greatest nation, 
 
 With finest peasantry on a fruitful sod, 
 Fighting like devils for conciliation. 
 
 And hating each other for the love of (iod." 
 
 Once more, then, I found myself in " {he most car-driv- 
 ingest city," en route to join on the expiration of my leave. 
 Since my departure, my regiment had been ordered to Kil- 
 kenny, that sweet city, so famed in songs for its "fire with- 
 out smoke ; " but which, were its character in any way to be 
 derived from its past or present representative, might cer- 
 tainly, with more propriety, reverse the epithet, and read 
 " smoke without fire." My last communication from head- 
 quarters was full of nothing but gay doings — balls, dinners, 
 dejeuners, and more than all, private theatricals, seemed to 
 occupy the entire attention of every man of the gallant — th. 
 1 was earnestly entreated to come without waiting for the 
 end of my leave — that several of my old " parts were kept 
 open for me ; " and that, in fact, the " boys of Kilkenny " 
 were on tip-toe expectation of my arrival, as though his Maj- 
 esty's mail were to convey a Kean or a Kemble. I shuddered
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 125 
 
 a little as I read this, and recollected "my last appearance on 
 any stage," little anticipating, at the moment, that my next 
 was to be nearly as productive of the ludicrous, as time and 
 my confessions will show. One circumstance, however, gave 
 me considerable pleasure. It was this: I took it for granted, 
 that in the varied and agreeable occupations which so 
 pleasurable a career opened, my adventures in love would 
 escape notice, and that 1 should avoid the merciless raillery 
 my two failures, in six months, might reasonably be supposed 
 to call forth. 1 therefore wrote a hurried note to Curzon, 
 setting forth the great interest all their proceedings had for 
 me, and assuring him that my stay in town should be as 
 short as possible, for that I longed once more to " strut the 
 monarch of the boards," and concluded with a sly paragraph, 
 artfully intended to act as a " paratonnerre " to the gibes and 
 jests which I dreaded, by endeavoring to make light of my 
 matrimonial speculations. The postscript ran somewhat 
 thus — " Glorious fun have I had since we met ; but were it 
 not that my good angel stood by me, I should write these 
 hurried lines with a wife at my elbow ; but luck, that never 
 yet deserted, is still faithful to your old friend, H. Lorre- 
 quer." 
 
 My reader may suppose — for he is sufficiently behind the 
 scenes with me — with what feelings I penned these words ; 
 yet anything was better than the attack I looked forward to : 
 and I should rather have changed into the Cape Rifle Corps, 
 or any other army of martyrs, than meet my mess with all 
 the ridicule my late proceedings exposed me to. Having 
 disburdened my conscience of this dread, I finished my break- 
 fast, and set out on a stroll through the town. 
 
 I believe it is Coleridge who somewhere says, that to 
 transmit the first bright and early impressions of our youth, 
 fresh and uninjured, to a remote period of life, constitutes 
 one of the loftiest prerogatives of genius. If this be true — 
 and I am not disposed to dispute it — what a gifted people 
 must be the worthy inhabitants of Dublin ; for I scruple not 
 to affirm, that of all cities of which we have any record in 
 history, sacred or profane, there is not one so little' likely to 
 disturb the tianquil current of such reminiscences. " As it 
 was of old, so it is now," enjoying a delightful permanency 
 in all its habits and customs, which no changes elsewhere 
 disturb or affect ; and in this respect I defy O'Connell and 
 all the tail to refuse it the epithet of " Conservative/'
 
 126 HARRY LORREQUER.. 
 
 Had the excellent Rip Van Winkle, instead of seeking his 
 repose upon the cold and barren acclivities of the Catskills 
 — as we are veritably informed by Irving — but betaken him- 
 self to the comfortable bed at Morrison's or the Bilton, not 
 only would he have enjoyed a more agreeable siesta, but, 
 what the event showed of more consequence, the pleasing 
 satisfaction of not being disconcerted by novelty on his 
 awakening. It is possible that the waiter who brought him 
 the water to shave — for Rip's beard, we are told, had grown 
 uncommonly long — might exhibit a little of that wear and 
 tear to which humanity is liable from time ; but had he 
 questioned him as to the ruling topics — the popular amuse- 
 ments of the day — he would have heard, as he might have 
 done twenty years before, that there was a meeting to con- 
 vert Jews at the Rotunda ; another to rob parsons at the 
 Corn Exchange ; that the viceroy was dining with the 
 corporation, and congratulating them on the prosperity of 
 Ireland, while the inhabitants were regaled with a procession 
 of the " broad ribbon weavers," who had not weaved, heaven 
 knows when ! This, with an occasional letter from Mr. 
 O'Connell, and now and then a duel in the " Phaynix," con- 
 stituted the current pastimes of the city. Such at least were 
 they in my day ; and though far from the dear locale, an 
 odd flitting glance at the newspapers induces me to believe 
 that matters are not much changed since. 
 
 I rambled through the streets for some hours, revolving 
 such thoughts as were pressed upon me involuntarily by all 
 I saw. The same little gray homunculus that filled my 
 " prince's mixture " years before, stood behind the counter 
 at Lundy Foot's weighing out rappee and high toast, just as 
 I last saw him. The fat college porter, that I used to mis- 
 take in my school-days for the Provost, God forgive me ! 
 was there as fat and as ruddy as heretofore, and wore his 
 Roman costume of helmet and plush breeches, with an air 
 as classic. The old state trumpeter at the castle, another 
 object of my youthful veneration, poor " old God save the 
 king," as we used to call him, walked the streets as of old : 
 his cheeks, indeed, a little more lank and tendonous ; but 
 then there had been many viceregal changes, and the "one 
 sole melody his heart delighted," had been more frequently 
 called into requisition, as he marched in solemn state with 
 the other antique gentlemen in tabards. As I walked along, 
 each moment some old and early association being sug-
 
 J/AUA'Y LOkREQUM. 127 
 
 gested by the objects around, I felt my arm suddenly seized. 
 I turned hastily round, and beheld a very old companion in 
 many a hard-fought field and merry bivouac, Tom O'Flaherty 
 of the 8th. Poor Tom was sadly changed since we last met, 
 which was at a ball in Madrid. He was then one of the best- 
 looking fellows of his "style" I ever met — tall, athletic, 
 with the easy bearing of a man of the world, and a certain 
 jauntiness that I have never seen but in Irishmen who have 
 mixed much in society. 
 
 There was also a certain peculiar devil-may-care reckless- 
 ness about the self-satisfied swagger of his gait, and the free- 
 and-easy glance of his sharp black eye, united with a temper 
 that nothing could ruffle, and a courage nothing could daunt. 
 With such qualifications as these, he had been the prime 
 favorite of his mess, to which he never came without some 
 droll story to relate, or some choice expedient for future 
 amusement. Such had Tom once been ; now he was much 
 altered, and though the quiet twinkle of his dark eye showed 
 that the spirit of fun within was not " dead, but only sleep- 
 ing," — to myself, who knew something of his history, it 
 seemed almost cruel to awaken him to anything which 
 might bring him back to the memory of by-gone days. A 
 momentary glance showed me that he was no longer what he 
 had been, and that the unfortunate change in his condition, 
 the loss of all his earliest and oldest associates, and his 
 blighted prospects had nearly broken a heart that never 
 deserted a friend, nor quailed before an enemy. Poor 
 O'Flaherty was no more the delight of the circle he once 
 adorned ; the wit that " set the table in a roar" was all but 
 departed. He had been dismissed the service ! The story 
 is a brief one : 
 
 In the retreat from Burgos, the — Light Dragoons, after a 
 most fatiguing day's march, halted at the wretched village of 
 Cabenas. It had been deserted by the inhabitants the day 
 before, who on leaving had set it on fire ; and the blackened 
 walls and fallen roof-trees were nearly all that now remained 
 to show where the little hamlet had once stood. 
 
 Amid a down-pour of rain, that had fallen for several 
 hours, drenched to the skin, cold, weary, and nearly starv- 
 ing, the gallant 8th reached this melancholy spot at night- 
 fall, with little better prospect of protection from the storm 
 than the barren heath through which their road led might 
 afford them. Among the many who muttered curses, not
 
 128 HARRY LORRMQU&R. 
 
 loud but deep, on the wretched termination to their day's 
 suffering, there was one who kept up his usual good spirits, 
 and not only seemed himself nearly regardless of the priva- 
 tions and miseries about him, but actually succeeded in 
 making the others who rode alongside as perfectly forgetful 
 of their annoyances and troubles as was possible under such 
 circumstances. Good stories, joking allusions to the more 
 discontented ones of the party, ridiculous plans for the 
 night's encampment, followed each other so rapidly, that the 
 weariness of the way was forgotten ; and while some were 
 cursing their hard fate, that ever betrayed them into such 
 misfortunes, the little group round O'Flaherty were almost 
 convulsed with laughter at the wit and drollery of one over 
 whom, if the circumstances had any influence, they seemed 
 only to heighten his passion for amusement. In the early 
 part of the morning he had captured a turkey ; which hung 
 gracefully from his holster on one side, while a small goat- 
 skin of Valencia wine balanced it on the other. These good 
 things were destined to form a feast that evening, to which 
 he had invited four others ; that being, according to his most 
 liberal calculation, the greatest number to whom he could 
 afford a reasonable supply of wine. 
 
 When the halt was made, it took some time to arrange the 
 dispositions for the night ; and it was nearly midnight before 
 all that regiment had got their billets and were housed, even 
 with such scanty accommodation as the place afforded. 
 Tom's guests had not yet arrived, and he himself was busily 
 engaged in roasting the turkey before a large fire, on which 
 stood a capacious vessel of spiced wine, when the party 
 appeared. A very cursory " reconnaisance " through the 
 house, one of the only ones untouched in the village, showed 
 that from the late rain it would be impossible to think of 
 sleeping in the lower story, which already showed signs of 
 being flooded; they therefore proceeded in a body upstairs, 
 and what was their delight to find a most comfortable room, 
 neatly furnished with chairs, and a table ; but above all, a 
 large old-fashioned bed, an object of such luxury as only an 
 old campaigner can duly appreciate. The curtains were 
 closely tucked in all round, and, in their fleeting and hurried 
 glance, they felt no inclination to disturb them, and rather 
 proceeded to draw up the table before the hearth, to which 
 they speedily removed the lire from below ; and, ere many 
 minutes, with that activity which a bivouac life invariably
 
 HARRY LORREdVEk. 1 29 
 
 teaches, their supper smoked before them, and five happier 
 fellows did not sit down that night within a large circuit 
 around. Tom was unusually great ; stories of drollery, un- 
 locked before, poured from him unceasingly, and what with 
 his high spirits to excite them, and the reaction inevitable after 
 a hard day's severe march, the party soon lost the little 
 reason that usually sufficed to guide them, and became as 
 pleasantly tipsy as can well be conceived. However, all 
 good things must have an end, and so had the wineskin. 
 Tom had placed it affectionately under his arm like a bag- 
 pipe, and failed, with even a most energetic squeeze, to extract 
 a drop ; there was now nothing for it but to go to rest, and 
 indeed it seemed the most prudent thing for the party. 
 
 The bed became accordingly a subject of grave delibera- 
 tion ; for as it could only hold two, and the party were five, 
 there seemed some difficulty in submitting their chances to 
 lot, which all agreed was the fairest way. While this was 
 under discussion, one of the party had approached the con- 
 tested prize, and taking up the curtains, proceeded to jump 
 in — when, what was his astonishment to discover that it was 
 already occupied. The exclamation of surprise he gave 
 forth soon brought the others to his side, and to their horror, 
 drunk as they were, they found that the body before them 
 was that of a dead man, arrayed in all the ghastly pomp of a 
 corpse. A little nearer inspection showed that he had been 
 a priest, probably the Padre of the village ; on his head he 
 had a small velvet cap, embroidered with a cross, and his 
 body was swathed in a vestment, such as priests usually 
 wear at the mass ; in his hand he held a large wax taper, 
 which appeared to have burned only half down, and probably 
 been extinguished by the current of air on opening the door. 
 After the first brief shock which this sudden apparition had 
 caused, the party recovered as much of their senses as the 
 wine had left them, and proceeded to discuss what was to 
 be done under the circumstances : for not one of them ever 
 contemplated giving up a bed to a dead priest, while five 
 living men slept on the ground. After much altercation, 
 ()' Flaherty, who had hitherto listened without speaking, in- 
 terrupted the contending parties, saying, " Stop, lads, I have 
 it." 
 
 "Come," said one of them, "let us hear Tom's pro- 
 posal." 
 
 " Oh," said he, with difficulty steadying himself while he 
 
 9
 
 1 3 6 JIA RkY L OR RE Q UKR. 
 
 spoke, " we'll put him to bed with old Ridgeway the quarter- 
 master." 
 
 The roar of loud laughter that followed Tom's device was 
 renewed again and again, till not a man could speak from 
 absolute fatigue. There was not a dissentient voice. Old 
 Ridgeway was hated in the corps, and a better way of dis- 
 posing of the priest and paying off the quartermaster could 
 not be thought of. 
 
 Very little time sufficed for their preparations ; and if they 
 had been brought up under the Duke of Portland himself, 
 they could not have exhibited a greater taste for a " black 
 job.'' The door of the room was quickly taken from its 
 hinges, and the priest placed upon it at full length ; a 
 moment more sufficed to lift the door upon their shoulders, 
 and proceeded by Tom, who lit a candle in honor of being as 
 he said, " chief mourner," they took their way through the 
 camp toward Ridgeway's quarters. When they reached the 
 hut where their victim lay, Tom ordered a halt, and pro- 
 ceeded stealthily into the house to reconnoitre. The old 
 quartermaster he found stretched on his sheep-skin before a 
 large fire, the remnants of an ample supper strewed about 
 him, and two empty bottles standing on the hearth — his 
 deep snoring showed that all was safe, and that no fears 
 of his awaking need disturb them. His shako and sword 
 lay near him, but his sabretasche was under his h«ad ; Tom 
 carefully withdrew the former ; and hastening to his friends 
 without, proceeded to decorate the priest with them ; express- 
 ing, at the same time, considerable regret that he feared it 
 might wake Ridgeway, if he were to put the velvet skull-cap 
 on him for a night-cap. 
 
 Noiselessly and stealthily they now entered, and proceeded 
 to put clown their burden, which, after a moment's discussion, 
 they agreed to place between the quartermaster and the fire, 
 of which, hitherto, he had reaped ample benefit. This done, 
 they stealthily retreated, and hurried back to their quarters, 
 unable to speak with laughter at the success of their plot, 
 and their anticipation of Ridgeway's rage on awakening in 
 the morning. 
 
 It was in the dim twilight of a nasty morning, that the 
 bugler of the 8th aroused the sleeping soldiers from their 
 miserable couches, which, wretched as they were, they never- 
 theless rose from reluctantly — so wearied and fatigued had 
 they been by the preceding day's march ; not one among the
 
 HA RR V L ORREQ UER. \ 3 1 
 
 number felt so indisposed to stir as the worthy quarter- 
 master : his peculiar avocations had demanded a more than 
 usual exertion on his part, and in the posture he had lain 
 down at night, he rested till morning without stirring a limb. 
 Twice the reveille had rung through the little encampment, 
 and twice the quartermaster had essayed to open his eyes 
 but in vain ; at last he made a tremendous effort, and sat 
 bolt upright on the floor, hoping that the sudden effort might 
 sufficiently arouse him ; slowly his eyes opened, and the first 
 thing that they beheld was the figure of the dead priest, with a 
 light cavalry helmet on his head, seated before him. Ridge- 
 way, who was " bon Catholique," trembled in every joint — it 
 might he a ghost, it might be a warning, he knew not what 
 to think — he imagined the lips moved, and so overcome with 
 terror was he at last, that he absolutely shouted like a 
 maniac ; and never ceased till the hut was rilled with officers 
 and men, who hearing the uproar ran to his aid. The 
 surprise of the poor quartermaster at the apparition was 
 scarcely greater than that of the beholders. No one was 
 able to afford any explanation of the circumstances, though 
 all were assured that it must have been done in jest. The 
 door upon which the priest had been conveyed, afforded the 
 clew — they had forgotten to restore it to its place. Accord- 
 ingly the different billets were examined, and at last 
 O'Flaherty was discovered in a most commodious bed, in a 
 large room without a door, still fast asleep, and alone ; how 
 and when he had parted from his companions, he never 
 could precisely explain, though he has since confessed it was 
 part of his scheme to lead them astray in the village, and 
 then retire to the bed, which he had determined to approp- 
 riate to his sole use. 
 
 Old Ridgeway's rage knew no bounds ; he absolutely 
 foamed with passion, and in proportion as he was laughed at 
 his choler rose higher ; had this been the only result, it had 
 been well for poor Tom, but unfortunately the affair got to 
 be rumored through the country — the inhabitants of the 
 villages learned the indignity with which the Padre had 
 been treated ; they addressed a memorial to Lord Wellington 
 — inquiry was immediately instituted — O'Flaherty was tried 
 by court-martial, and found guilty ; nothing short of the 
 heaviest punishment that could be inflicted under the cir- 
 cumstances would satisfy the Spaniards, and at that precise 
 period it was part of our policy to conciliate their esteem
 
 132 HARRY LO RR /-. Q UER. 
 
 by every means in our power. The Commander-in-chief 
 resolved to make what he called an " example," and poor 
 O'Flaherty — the life and soul of his regiment — the darling 
 of his mess, was broke, and pronounced incapable of ever 
 serving his Majesty again. Such was the event upon 
 which my poor friend's fortune in life seemed to hinge — he 
 returned to Ireland, if not entirely broken-hearted, so altered 
 that his best friends scarcely knew him ; his " occupation 
 was gone ; " the mess had been his home ; his brother 
 officers were to him in place of relatives, and he had lost all. 
 His after life was spent in rambling from one watering-place 
 to another, more with the air of one who seeks to consume 
 than enjoy his time ; and with such a change in appearance as 
 the alteration in his fortune had effected, he now stood before 
 me, but altogether so different a man, that but for the well- 
 known tones of a voice that had so often convulsed me with 
 laughter, I should have scarcely recognized him. 
 
 "Lorrequer, my old friend, I never thought of Seein ; you 
 here ; this is indeed a piece of good luck." 
 
 "Why, Tom? You surely knew that the were in 
 
 Ireland, didn't you ? " 
 
 " To be sure. I dined with them only a few days ago, 
 but they told me you were off to Paris, to marry something 
 superlatively beautiful, and most enormously rich, the daugh- 
 ter of a duke, if I remember right ; but, certes, they said your 
 fortune was made, and I need not tell you, there was not 
 a man among them better pleased than I was to hear it." 
 
 " Oh ! they said so, did they ? Droll dogs — always quiz- 
 zing — I wonder you did not perceive the hoax — eh — very 
 good, was it not?" This I poured out in short broken 
 sentences, blushing like scarlet, and fidgeting like a school- 
 girl in downright nervousness. 
 
 " A hoax ! devilish well done, too," — said Tom, " for old 
 Carden believed the whole story, and told me that he had 
 obtained a six months' leave for you to make your cour, and 
 moreover, said that he had got a letter from the nobleman, 
 Lord confound his name," 
 
 " Lord Grey, is it ? " said I, with a sly look at Tom. 
 
 " No, my dear friend," said he dryly, " it was not Lord 
 Grey — but to continue — he had got a letter from him, dated 
 from Paris, stating his surprise that you had never joined 
 them there, according to promise, and that they knew your 
 cousin Guy, and a great deal of other matter I can't
 
 If, I RR Y IA 1RREQ ( T ER. 1 33 
 
 remember — so what does all this mean ? Did you hoax the 
 noble Lord as well as the Horse Guards, Harry ? " 
 
 This was indeed a piece of news for me ; I stammered out 
 some ridiculous explanation, and promised a fuller detail. 
 Could it be that I had done the Callonbys injustice, and that 
 they never intended to break off my attentions to Lady Jane 
 —that she was still faithful, and that of all concerned I 
 alone had been to blame ? Oh, how I hoped that this might 
 be the case ; heavily as my conscience might accuse, I longed 
 ardently to forgive and deal mercifully with myself. Tom 
 continued to talk about indifferent matters, as these thoughts 
 flitted through my mind ; perceiving at last that I did not 
 attend, he stopped suddenly and said : 
 
 " Harry, I see clearly that something has gone wrong, and 
 perhaps I can make a guess at the mode too ; but, however, 
 you can do nothing about it now ; come and dine with me 
 to-day, and we'll discuss the affair together after dinner ; or 
 if you prefer a 'distraction,' as we used to say in Dunkerque, 
 why then, I'll arrange something fashionable for your even- 
 ing's amusement. Come, what say you to hearing Father 
 Keogh preach, or would you like a supper at the Carling- 
 ford, or perhaps you prefer a soiree ckez Maladi — for all of 
 these Dublin affords — all three good in their way and very 
 intellectual." 
 
 "Well, Tom, I'm yours; but I should prefer your dining 
 with me ; I am at Bilton's ; we'll have our cutlet quite alone, 
 and " 
 
 '• And be heartily sick of each other, you were going to 
 add. No, no, Harry ; you must dine with me ; I have some 
 remarkably nice people to present to you — six is the hour — 
 sharp six — number — Molesworth Street, Mrs. Clanfrizzle's 
 — easily find it — large fanlight over the door — huge lamp in 
 the hall, and a strong odor of mutton broth for thirty yards 
 on each side of the premises — and as good luck would have 
 it, I see old Daly, the counsellor, as they call him ; he is the 
 very man to get to meet you — you always liked a character, 
 eh?" 
 
 Saying this, O'Flaherty disengaged himself from my arm, 
 and hurried across the street toward a portly middle-aged 
 looking gentleman, with the reddest face I ever beheld. 
 After a brief but very animated colloquy, Tom returned, and 
 informed me that all was right ; he had secured Daly. 
 
 \,kI who is Daly? " said J, inquiringly, for I was rather
 
 134 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 interested in hearing what peculiar qualification as a diner- 
 out the counsellor might lay claim to, many of Tom's friends 
 being as remarkable for being the quizzed as the quizzers. 
 
 '• Daly," said he, " is the brother of a most distinguished 
 member of the Irish bar, of which he himself is also a 
 follower, bearing, however, no other resemblance to the 
 clever man than the name, for assuredly as the reputation 
 of the one is inseparably linked with success, so unerringly 
 is the other coupled with failure ; and, strange to say, the 
 stupid man is fairly convinced that his brother owes all his 
 success to him, and that to his disinterested kindness the 
 other is indebted for his present exalted station. Thus it is 
 through life ; there seems ever to accompany dulness a sus- 
 taining power of vanity, that, like a life-buoy, keeps a mass 
 afloat whose weight unassisted would sink into obscurity. 
 Do you know that my friend Denis there imagines himself 
 the first man that ever enlightened Sir Robert Peel as to 
 Irish affairs ; and, upon my word, his reputation on this head 
 stands incontestably higher than on most others." 
 
 " You surely cannot mean that Sir Robert Peel ever con- 
 sulted with, much less relied upon, the statements of such a 
 person as you describe your friend Denis to be ? " 
 
 " He did both — and if he was a little puzzled by the in- 
 formation, the only disgrace attaches to a government that 
 send men to rule over us unacquainted with our habits of 
 thinking, and utterly ignorant of the language — ay, I repeat 
 it — but come, you shall judge for yourself ; the story is a 
 short one, and fortunately so, for I must hasten home to 
 give timely notice of your coming to dine with me. When 
 the present Sir Robert Peel, then Mr. Peel, came over here 
 as Secretary to Ireland, a very distinguished political leader 
 of the day invited a party to meet him at dinner, consisting 
 of men of different political leanings ; among whom were, 
 as may be supposed, many members of the Irish bar; the 
 elder Daly was too remarkable a person to be omitted, but 
 as the two brothers resided together, there was a difficulty 
 about getting him. However, he must be had, and the only 
 alternative that presented itself was adopted — both were 
 invited. When the party descended to the dining-room, by 
 one of those unfortunate accidents, which, as the proverb 
 informs us, occasionally take place in the best-regulated 
 establishments, the wrong Mr. Daly got placed beside Mr. 
 Peel, which post of honor had been destined by the host for
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 135 
 
 the more agreeable and talented brother. There was now no 
 help for it ; and with a heart somewhat nervous for the con- 
 sequences of the proximity, the worthy entertainer sat down 
 to do the honors as best he might ; he was consoled during 
 dinner by observing that the devotion bestowed by honest 
 Denis on the viands before him effectually absorbed his 
 faculties, and thereby threw the entire of Mr. Peel's con- 
 versation toward the gentleman on his other flank. This 
 happiness was, like most others, destined to be a brief one. 
 As the dessert made its appearance, Mr. Peel began to 
 listen with some attention to the conversation of the per- 
 sons opposite ; with one of whom he was struck most forcibly 
 — so happy a power of illustration, so vivid a fancy, such 
 logical precision in argument as he evinced, perfectly charmed 
 and surprised him. Anxious to learn the name of so gifted 
 an individual, he turned toward his hitherto silent neighbor 
 and demanded who he was. 
 
 " ' Who is he, is it ? ' said Denis, hesitatingly, as if he half 
 doubted such extent of ignorance as not to know the person 
 alluded to. 
 
 " Mr. Peel bowed in acquiescence. 
 
 " ' That's Bushe ! " said Denis, giving at the same time 
 the same sound to the vowel u as it obtains when occurring 
 in the word ' rush.' 
 
 " ' I beg pardon,' said Mr. Peel ; ' I did not hear.' 
 
 " ' Bushe ! replied Denis, with considerable energy of tone. 
 
 " ' Oh, yes ! I know,' said the Secretary ; ' Mr. Bushe, a 
 very distinguished member of your bar, I have heard.' 
 
 " ' Faith, you may say that ! ' said Denis tossing off his 
 wine at what he esteemed a very trite observation. 
 
 " ' Pray,' said Mr. Peel, again returning to the charge, 
 though certainly feeling not a little surprised at the singular 
 laconicism of his informant, no less than the mellifluous 
 tones of an accent then perfectly new to him. ' Pray, may 
 1 ask what is the peculiar character of Mr. Bushe's elo- 
 quence ? I mean of course, in his professional capacity.' 
 
 " ' Eh? ' said Denis, ' I don't comprehend you exactly.' 
 
 "'I mean,' said Mr. Peel — 'in one word, what's his 
 forte ? ' 
 
 '"His forte ? ' 
 
 " ' I mean — what his peculiar gift consists in- 
 
 u < 
 
 ' < )h. I perceive — I have ye now — the juries.' 
 Ah ! addressing a jury.'
 
 136 HARK ) * L ORREQUER. 
 
 " ' Ay, the juries.' 
 
 " ' Can you oblige me by giving me any idea of the manner 
 in which he obtains such signal success in this difficult 
 branch of eloquence ? ' 
 
 "' I'll tell ye,' said Denis, leisurely finishing his glass, and 
 smacking his lips, with the air of a man girding up his loins 
 for a mighty effort. ' I'll tell ye — well, ye see the way he 
 has is this,' — here Mr. Peel's expectation rose to the highest 
 degree of interest — 'the way he has is this — he first butthers 
 them up and then slithers them down, that's all ; a devil a 
 more of a secret there's in it.' " 
 
 How much reason Denis had to boast of imparting early 
 information to the new Secretary I leave my English readers 
 to guess; my Irish ones I may trust to do him ample justice. 
 My friend now left me to my own devices to while away the 
 hours till the time to dress for dinner. Heaven help the 
 gentleman so left in Dublin, said I. It is, perhaps, the only 
 city of its size in the world, where there is no lounge — no 
 promenade. Very little experience of it will convince you 
 that it abounds in pretty women, and has its fair share of 
 agreeable men ; but where are they in the morning ? I wish 
 Sir Dick Lauder, instead of speculating where salmon spent 
 the Christmas holidays, would apply his most inquiring mind 
 to such a question as this. True it is, however, they are not 
 to be found. The squares are deserted — the streets are 
 very nearly so — and all that is left to the luckless wanderer 
 in search of the beautiful, is to ogle the beauties of Dame 
 Street who are shopkeepers in Grafton Street, or the beauties 
 of Grafton Street who are shopkeepers in Dame Street. 
 But, confound it, how cranky I am getting — I must be tre- 
 mendously hungry. True, it's past six. So now for my suit 
 of sable, and then to dinner. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 DUBLIN — THE BOARDING-HOUSE — SELECT SOCIETY. 
 
 Punctual to my appointment with O'Flaherty, I found my- 
 self a very few minutes after six o'clock at Mrs. Clanfrizzle's 
 door. My very authoritative summons at the bell was an- 
 swered by the appearance of a young, pale-faced invalid, in
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 137 
 
 a suit of livery the taste of which bore a very unpleasant 
 resemblance to the one I so lately figured in. It was with 
 considerable difficulty I persuaded this functionary to permit 
 my carrying my hat with me to the drawing-room, a species 
 of caution on my part — as he esteemed it — savoring much of 
 distrust. This point, however, I carried, and followed him 
 up a very ill-lighted stair to the drawing-room ; here I was 
 announced by some faint resemblance to my real name, but 
 sufficiently near to bring my friend Tom at once to meet me, 
 who immediately congratulated me on my fortune in coming 
 oft so well, for that the person who preceded me, Mr. Jones 
 Blennerhasset, had been just announced as Mr. Blatherhasbit 
 — a change the gentleman himself was not disposed to adopt. 
 " But come along, Harry, while we are waiting for Daly, let 
 me make you known to some of our party : this, you must 
 know, is a boarding-house, and always has some capital fun — 
 queerest people you ever met — I have only one hint — cut 
 every man, woman, and child of them, if you meet them here- 
 after — 1 do it myself, though I have lived here these six 
 months." Pleasant people, thought I, these must be, with 
 whom such a line is advisable, much less practicable. 
 
 " Mrs. Clanfrizzle, my friend Mr. Lorrequer thinks he'll 
 
 stay the summer in town. Mrs. Clan , should like 
 
 him to be one of us." This latter was said sotto voce, and was a 
 practice he continued to adopt in presenting me to his several 
 friends through the room. 
 
 Miss Riley, a horrid old fright, in a bird of paradise 
 plume, and corked eyebrows, gibbeted in gilt chains and 
 pearl ornaments, and looking, as the grisettes say, "superb 
 en chrysolite'* — Miss Riley, Captain Lorrequer, a friend 1 have 
 long desired to present to you — fifteen thousand a year and 
 a baronetcy, if he has sixpence," sotto again. " Surgeon 
 M'Culloch — he likes the title," said Tom, in a whisper — " Sur- 
 geon, Captain Lorrequer. By the by, lest I forget it, he 
 wishes to speak to you in the morning about his health ; he 
 is stopping at Sandymouth for the baths ; you could go out 
 there, eh ? " The tall thing in green spectacles bowed, and 
 acknowledged Tom's kindness by a knowing touch of the 
 elbow. In this way he made the tour of the room for about 
 ten minutes, during which brief space, I was, according to the 
 kind arrangements of O'Flaherty, booked as a resident in 
 the boarding-house — a lover to at least five elderly, and three 
 young ladies — a patient — a client — a second in a duel to a
 
 138 HARRY LORRBQUER. 
 
 clerk in the Post-office — and had also volunteered (through 
 him always) to convey, by all his Majesty's mails, as many 
 parcels, packets, band-boxes, and bird-cages as would have 
 comfortably filled one of Pickford's vans. All this he told 
 me was requisite of my being well received, though no one 
 thought much of any breach of compact, subsequently, except 
 
 Mrs. Clan herself. The ladies had, alas ! been often 
 
 treated vilely before ; the doctor had never had a patient ; 
 and as for the belligerent knight of the dead office, he'd 
 rather die than fight any day. 
 
 The last person to whom my friend deemed it necessary 
 to introduce me, was a Mr. Garret Cudmore, from the 
 Reeks of Kerry, lately matriculated to all the honors of free- 
 manship in the Dublin university. This latter was a low- 
 sized, dark-browed man, with round shoulders, and partic- 
 ularly long arms, the disposal of which seemed sadly to dis- 
 tress him. He possessed the most perfect brogue I ever 
 listened to ; but it was difficult to get him to speak, for on 
 coining up to town some weeks before, he had been placed 
 by some intelligent friend at Mrs. Clanfrizzle's establish- 
 ment, with the. express direction to mark and thoroughly 
 digest as much as he could of the habits and customs of the 
 circle about him, which he was rightly informed was the 
 very focus of good breeding and Jiaitt ton ; but on no account, 
 unless driven thereto by the pressure of sickness, or the 
 wants of nature, to trust himself with speech, which in his 
 thin uninformed state, he was assured would inevitably ruin 
 him among his fastidiously cultivated associates. 
 
 To the letter and the spirit of the dispatch he had re- 
 ceived, the worthy Garret acted rigidly, and his voice was 
 scarcely ever known to transgress the narrow limits pre- 
 scribed by his friends. In more respects than one was this a 
 good resolve ; for so completely had he identified himself 
 with college habits, things, and phrases, that whenever he 
 conversed, he became little short of unintelligible to the 
 vulgar — a difficulty not decreased by his peculiar pronun- 
 ciation. 
 
 My round of presentation was just completed, when the 
 pale figure in light blue livery announced < Counsellor Daly 
 and dinner, for both came fortunately together. Taking the 
 post of honor, Miss Riley's arm, I followed Tom. whom I 
 soon perceived ruled the whole concern, as he led the way 
 with another ancient vestal in black satin and bugles. The
 
 J/AA'A'Y LORREQUER. lj<) 
 
 long procession wound its snake-like length down the narrow 
 stair, and into the dining-room, where at last we all got 
 seated ; and here let me briefly vindicate the motives of my 
 friend — should any unkind person be found to impute to his 
 selection of a residence any base and grovelling passion for 
 gourmandais, that day's experience should be an eternal 
 vindication of him. The soup — alas ! that I should so far 
 prostitute the word ; for the black broth of Sparta was mock 
 turtle in comparison — retired to make way for a mass of beef, 
 whose tenderness I did not question ; for it sank beneath the 
 knife of the carver like a feather-bed — the skill of Saladin 
 himself would have failed to divide it. The fish was a most 
 rebellious pike, and nearly killed every loyal subject at table ; 
 and then down the sides were various comestibles of chickens, 
 with azure bosoms, and hams with hides like a rhinoceros ; 
 covered dishes of decomposed vegetable matter, called 
 spinach and cabbage ; potatoes arrayed in small masses, 
 and browned, resembling those ingenious architectural struct- 
 ures of mud children raise in the highways, and call dirt-pies. 
 Such were the chief constituents of the " feed ; " and such, I 
 am bound to confess, waxed beautifully less under the vigor- 
 ous onslaught of the party. 
 
 The conversation soon became both loud and general. 
 That happy familiarity — which I had long believed to be the 
 exclusive prerogative of a military mess, where constant daily 
 association sustains the interest of the veriest trifles — I here 
 found in a perfection I had not anticipated, with this striking 
 difference that there was no absurd deference to any existing 
 code of etiquette in the conduct of the party generally, each 
 person quizzing his neighbor in the most free and easy style 
 imaginable, and all, evidently from long habit and conventional 
 usage, seeming to enjoy the practice exceedingly. Thus, 
 droll allusions, good stories, and smart repartees fell thick 
 as hail, and twice as harmless, which anywhere else that I 
 had ever heard of would assuredly have called for more 
 explanations, and perhaps gunpowder, in the morning, than 
 usually are deemed agreeable ! Here, however, they know 
 better ; and, though the lawyer quizzed the doctor for never 
 having another patient than the house dog, all of whose 
 arteries he had tied in the course of the winter for practice — 
 and the doctor retorted as heavily, by showing that the law- 
 yer's practice had been other than beneficial to those for 
 whom he was concerned — his one client being found guilty,
 
 i [,, HARRY TORREQUER. 
 
 mainly through his ingenious defence of him ; yet they never 
 showed any, the slightest irritation — on the contrary, such 
 little playful badinage ever led to some friendly passages of 
 taking wine together, or in arrangements for a party to the 
 " Dargle " or " Dunleary 5 " and thus went on the entire party, 
 the young ladies darting an occasional slight at their elders, 
 who certainly returned the fire, often with advantage ; all 
 uniting now and then, however, in one common cause, an 
 attack of the whole line upon Mrs. Clanfrizzle herself, for the 
 beef, or the mutton, or the fish, or the poultry, each of which 
 was sure to find some sturdy defamer ready and willing to 
 give evidence in dispraise. Yet even these — and I thought 
 them rather dangerous sallies — led to no more violent results 
 than dignified replies from the worthy hostess upon the good- 
 ness of her fare, and the evident satisfaction it afforded while 
 being eaten, if the appetites of the party were a test. While 
 this was at its height, Tom stooped behind my chair, and 
 whispered gently : 
 
 " This is good— isn't it, eh ? — life in a boarding-house quite 
 new to you ; but they are civilized now compared to what 
 you'll find them in the drawing-room. When short whist for 
 fivepenny points sets in — then Greek meets Greek, and we'll 
 have it." 
 
 1 hiring all this melee tournament, I perceived that the 
 worthy jib, as he would be called in the parlance of Trinity, 
 Mr. Cudmore, remained perfectly silent, and apparently 
 terrified. The noise, the din of voices, and the laughing so 
 completely addled him, that he was like one in a very horrid 
 dream. The attention with which I had observed him, 
 having been remarked by my friend O'Flaherty, he informed 
 me that the scholar, as he was called there, was then under 
 a kind of cloud — an adventure which occurred only two nights 
 before being too fresh in his memory to permit him enjoying 
 himself even to the limited extent it had been his wont to do, 
 As illustrative, not only of Mr. Cudmore, but the life I have 
 been speaking of, I may as well relate it. 
 
 Soon after Mr. Cudmore's enlistment under the banners 
 of the Clanfrizzle, he had sought and found an asylum in the 
 drawing-room of the establishment, which promised, from its 
 geographical relations, to expose him less to the molestations 
 of conversation than most other parts of the room. This was 
 a small recess beside the fireplace, not uncommon in old-fash- 
 ioned houses, and which from its incapacity to hold more
 
 //.-/ kk 1 ' t ORRE{ \ CER. 1 4 1 
 
 than one, secured to the worthy recluse the privacy he longed 
 for, and here, among superannuated hearth-brushes, an old 
 hand-screen, an asthmatic bellows, and a kettle-holder, sat 
 the timid youth, "'alone, but in a crowd." Not all the 
 seductions of loo, limited to threepence — not even that 
 most appropriately designated game, beggar-my-neighbor — 
 could withdraw him from his blest retreat. Like his country- 
 man, St. Kevin — my friend Petrie has ascertained that the 
 saint was a native of Tralee — he fled from the temptations 
 of the world, and the blandishments of the fair ; but alas ! 
 like the saint himself, the 
 
 "poor jib little knew 
 All that wily sex can do ; " 
 
 for while he hugged himself in the security of his fortress, the 
 web of his destiny was weaving. So true is it, as he himself 
 used, no less pathetically than poetically, to express it, " mis- 
 fortune will find you out if you were hid in a tay chest." 
 
 It happened that in Mrs. Clanfrizzle's establishment the 
 " enfant bleu," already mentioned, was the only individual 
 of his sex retained ; and without for a moment disparaging 
 the ability or attentions of this gifted person, yet it may 
 reasonably be credited, that in waiting on a party of twenty- 
 five or thirty persons at dinner, all of whom he had admitted 
 as porter, and announced as maitre d'hotel, with the subse- 
 quent detail of his duties in the drawing-room, that Peter, 
 blue Peter — his boarding-house soubriquet — not enjoying the 
 bird-like privilege of " being in two places at once," gave 
 one rather the impression of a person of hasty and fidgety 
 habits — for which nervous tendency the treatment he under- 
 went was certainly injudicious — it being the invariable custom 
 for each guest to put his services in requisition, perfectly 
 irrespective of all other claims upon him, from whatsoever 
 quarter coming — and then at the precise moment that the 
 luckless valet was snuffing the candles, he was abused by 
 one for not bringing coal ; by another for having carried off 
 his tea-cup, on an expedition for sugar ; by a third for hav- 
 ing left the door open which he had never been near ; and 
 so on to the end of the chapter. 
 
 It chanced that a few evenings previous to my appear- 
 ance at the house, this indefatigable Caleb was ministering 
 as usual to the various and discrepant wants of the large 
 party assembled in the drawing-room. With his wonted
 
 1 42 If A A' A' > ' 1 0&REQ I A' A'. 
 
 alacrity he had withdrawn, frorh their obscure retreat against 
 the wall, sundry little tables, destined for the players at 
 whist, or " spoil five " — the popular game of the establish- 
 ment. With a dexterity that savored much of a stage, edu- 
 cation, he had arranged the candles, the cards, the coun- 
 ters ; he had poked the fire, settled the stool for Miss Riley's 
 august feet, and was busily engaged in changing five shillings 
 into small silver, for a desperate victim of loo — when Mrs. 
 Clanfrizzle's third, and, as it appeared, last time, of asking 
 for the kettle smote upon his ear. His loyalty would have 
 induced him at once to desert everything on such an occa- 
 sion ; but the other party engaged held him fast, saying : 
 
 " Never mind her, Peter — you have sixpence more to give 
 me." 
 
 Poor Peter rummaged one pocket, then another — discover- 
 ing at last threepence in copper and some farthings, with 
 which he seemed endeavoring to make a composition with 
 his creditor for twelve shillings in the pound ; when Mrs. 
 Clan's patience finally becoming exhausted, she turned 
 toward Mr. Cudmore, the only unemployed person she could 
 perceive, and with her blandest smile said : 
 
 "Mr. Cudmore, may I take the liberty of requesting you 
 would hand me the kettle beside you ? " 
 
 Now, though the kettle aforesaid was, as the hostess very 
 properly observed, beside him, yet the fact that in comply- 
 ing with the demand it was necessary for the bashful youth 
 to leave the recess he occupied, and with the kettle proceed 
 to walk half across the room — there to perform certain 
 manual operations requiring skiil and presence of mind, 
 before a large and crowded assembly — was horror to the 
 mind of the poor Jib; and he would nearly as soon have 
 acceded to a desire to dance a hornpipe, if such had been 
 suggested as the wish of the company. However, there was 
 nothing for it ; and summoning up all his nerve -knitting his 
 brows -clinching his teeth like one prepared to "do or die," 
 he seized the hissing caldron, and strode through the room, 
 like the personified genius of steam, very much to the alarm 
 of all the old ladies in the vicinity, whose tasteful drapery 
 benefited but little from his progress. Net he felt but little 
 of all this ; In; had brought up his courage to the sticking 
 place, and he was absolutely half unconscious of the whole 
 scene before him; nor was it till some kind mediator had 
 seized his arm, while another drew him back by the skirts of
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 143 
 
 the coat, that he desisted from the deluge of hot water, with 
 which, having filled the tea-pot, he proceeded to swamp 
 everything else upon the tray, in his unfortunate abstraction. 
 Mrs.' Clanfrizzle screamed— the old ladies accompanied 
 her — the young ones tittered — the men laughed— and, in a 
 word, poor Cudmore, perfectly unconscious of anything 
 extraordinary, felt himself the admired of all admirers— very 
 little, it is true, to his own satisfaction. After some minutes' 
 exposure to these eclats de / ire, he succeeded in depositing 
 the source of his griefs within the fender, and once more re- 
 tired to his sanctuary — having registered a vow which, should 
 I speak it, would forfeit his every claim to gallantry forever. 
 
 Whether in the vow aforesaid Mr. Cudmore had only been 
 engaged in that species of tesselating which furnishes the 
 pavement so celebrated in the lower regions, I know not ; but 
 true it is, that he retired that night to his chamber very 
 much discomfited at his debut in the great world, and half 
 disposed to believe that nature had neither intended him for 
 a Brummel nor a D'Orsay. While he was ruminating on 
 such matters, he was joined by O'Flaherty, with whom he 
 had been always more intimate than any other inmate of the 
 house — Tom's tact having entirely concealed what the man- 
 ners of the others too plainly evinced, the perfect appreciation 
 of the student's oddity and singularity. After some few 
 observations on general matters, O'Flaherty began with a 
 tone of some seriousness to express toward Cudmore the 
 warm interest he had ever taken in him, since his first 
 coming among them-; his great anxiety for his welfare, and 
 his firm resolve that no chance or casual inattention to mere 
 ceremonial observances on his part should ever be seized on 
 by the other guest as a ground for detraction or an excuse 
 for ridicule of him. 
 
 " Rely upon it, my dear boy," said he, " I have watched 
 over you like a parent ; and having partly foreseen that 
 something like this affair of to-night would take place sooner 
 or later " 
 
 " What affair ? " said Cudmore, his eyes starting half out 
 of his head. 
 
 " That business of the kettle." 
 
 " Kett — el. The kettle ! What of that ? " said Cudmore. 
 
 "What of it? Why, if. you don't feel it, I am sure it is not 
 my duty to remind you ; only "
 
 144 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 " Feel it — oh, yes. I saw them laughing, because I spilled 
 the water over old Mrs. Jones, or something of that sort." 
 
 " No, no, my dear young friend, they were not laughing at 
 that — their mirth had another object." 
 
 " What the devil was it at, then ? " 
 
 "You don't know, don't you ? " 
 
 "No; I really do not." 
 
 " Nor can't guess — eh ? " 
 
 " Confound me if I can." 
 
 •• Well, I see, Mr. Cudmore, you are really too innocent 
 for these people. But come — it shall never be said that 
 youth and inexperience ever suffered from the unworthy 
 ridicule and cold sarcasm of the base world, while Tom 
 O'Flaherty stood by a spectator. 
 
 " Sir," said Tom, striking his hand with energy, on the 
 table, and darting a look of fiery indignation from his eye, 
 " sir, you were this night trepanned — yes, sir, vilely, shame- 
 fully trepanned — I repeat the expression — into the perform- 
 ance of a menial office — an office so degrading, so offensive, 
 so unbecoming the rank, the station, and the habits of a gen- 
 tleman, my very blood recoils when I only think of the indig- 
 nity." 
 
 The expression of increasing wonder and surprise depicted 
 in Mr. Cudmore's face at these words, my friend Phiz might 
 convey — I cannot venture to describe it — suffice it to say, 
 that even O'Flaherty himself found it difficult to avoid a 
 burst of laughter, as he looked at him and resumed : 
 
 " Witnessing, as I did, the entire occurrence ; feeling 
 deeply for the inexperience which the heartless worldlings 
 had dared to trample upon, I resolved to stand by you, and 
 here I am come for that purpose." 
 
 '•Well, but what in the devil's name have I done all this 
 time ? " 
 
 " What ! are you still ignorant ? — is it possible ? Did you 
 not hand the kettle from the fireplace, and fill the teapot ? 
 — answer me that." 
 
 " 1 did," said Cudmore, with a voice already becoming 
 tremulous. 
 
 " Is that the duty of a gentleman ? — answer me that." 
 
 A dead pause stood in place of a reply, while Tom pro- 
 ceeded : 
 
 " Did you ever hear any one ask me, or Counsellor Daly,
 
 HA KKY L OKKEQ UER. 1 45 
 
 or Mr. Fogarty, or any other person to do so? — answer me 
 that." 
 
 " No, never," muttered Cudmore, with a sinking spirit. 
 
 " Well, then, why, may I ask, were you selected for an 
 office that, by your own confession, no one else would stoop 
 to perform? I'll tell you, because, from your youth and in- 
 experience, your innocence was deemed a fit victim to the 
 heartless sneers of a cold and unfeeling world." And here 
 Tom broke forth into a very beautiful apostrophe, beginning, 
 "Oh, virtue ! " (this I am unfortunately unable to present to 
 my readers ; and must only assure them that it was a very 
 faithful imitation of the well-known one delivered by Burke in 
 the case of Warren Hastings), and concluded with an ex- 
 hortation to Cudmore to wipe out the stain of his wounded 
 honor, by repelling with indignation the slightest future 
 attempt at such an insult. 
 
 This done, O'Flaherty retired, leaving Cudmore to dig 
 among Greek roots, and chew over the cud of his misfor- 
 tunes. Punctual to the time and place, that same evening 
 beheld the injured Cudmore resume his wonted corner, 
 pretty much with the feelings with which a forlorn hope 
 stands match in hand to ignite the train destined to explode 
 with ruin to thousands — himself perhaps among the number ; 
 there he sat with a brain as burning and a heart as excited 
 as though, instead of sipping his bohea beside a sea-coal 
 fire, he was that instant trembling beneath the frown of Dr. 
 Ellington for the blunders in his Latin theme, and what ter- 
 ror to the mind of a " Jib " can equal that one ? 
 
 As luck would have it, this was a company night in the 
 boarding-house. Various young ladies in long blue sashes, 
 and very broad ribbon sandals, paraded the rooms, chatting 
 gayly with very distinguished-looking young gentlemen, with 
 gold brooches and parti-colored inside waistcoats : sundry 
 elderly ladies sat at card-tables, discussing the " lost honor 
 by an odd trick they played," spruce clerks in public offices 
 (whose vocation the expansive tendency of the right ear, 
 from long pen-carrying, betokened) discussed fashion, " and 
 the musical glasses " to some very over-dressed married ladies, 
 who preferred flirting to five-and-ten. The tea-table, over 
 which the amiable hostess presided, had also its standing 
 votaries : mostly grave parliamentary-looking gentlemen, with 
 powdered heads and very long-waisted black coats, among 
 whom the Sir Oracle was a functionary of his Majesty's
 
 146 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 High Court of Chancery, though 1 have reason to believe, 
 not Lord Manners ; meanwhile, in all parts of the room might 
 be seen Blue Peter, distributing tea, coffee, and biscuit, and 
 occasionally interchanging a joke with the dwellers in the 
 house. While all these pleasing occupations proceeded, the 
 hour of Cudmore's trial was approaching. The tea-pot, which 
 had stood the attack of fourteen cups without flinching, at 
 last began to fail, and discovered to the prying eyes of Mrs. 
 Clanfrizzle nothing but an olive-colored deposit of soft mat- 
 ter closely analogous in appearance and chemical property 
 to the residuary precipitate in a drained fish-pond ; she put 
 down the lid with a gentle sigh, and turning towards the fire, 
 bestowed one of her very blandest and most captivating looks 
 on Mr. Cudmore, saying — as plainly as looks could say — 
 " Cudmore, you're wanted." Whether the youth did or did 
 not understand I am unable to record : I can only say. the 
 appeal was made without acknowledgment. Mrs. Clanfrizzle 
 again essayed, and by a little masonic movement of her hand 
 to the tea-pot, and a sly glance at the hub, intimated her wish 
 — still hopelessly; at last there was nothing for it but speak- 
 ing ; and she donned her very softest voice and most per- 
 suasive tone, saying, " Mr. Cudmore, I am really very 
 troublesome': will you permit me to ask you " 
 
 " Is it for the kettle, ma'am ? " said Cudmore, with a voice 
 that startled the whole room, disconcerting three whist par- 
 ties, and so absorbing the attention of the people at loo, that 
 the pool disappeared without any one being able to account 
 for the circumstance. 
 
 " Is it for the kettle, ma'am ? " 
 
 " If you will be so very kind," lisped the hostess. 
 
 " Well, then, upon my conscience, you arc impudent," said 
 Cudmore, with his face crimsoned to the ears and his eyes 
 flashing fire. 
 
 " Why, Mr. Cudmore," began the lady, " why, really this 
 is so strange. Why, sir, what can you mean ? " 
 
 "Just that" said the imperturbable Jib, who, now that his 
 courage was up, dared everything. 
 
 " But, sir, you must surely have misunderstood me. I only 
 asked for the kettle, Mr. Cudmore." 
 
 "The devil a more," said Cud, with a sneer. 
 
 "Well, then, of course " 
 
 " Well, then, I'll tell you, of course," said he, repeating her 
 words; " the sorrow taste of the kettle I'll give you. Call
 
 if, I R RY 16 R R A'(? UkR. i 47 
 
 your own skip — Blue Pether there — damn me, if I'll be your 
 skip any longer." 
 
 For the uninitiated I have only to add, that, " skip " is the 
 Trinity College appellation for servant, which was therefore 
 employed by Mr. Cudmore on this occasion, as expressing 
 more contemptuously his sense of the degradation of the 
 office attempted to be put upon him. Having already in- 
 formed my reader on some particulars of the company, I 
 leave him to suppose how Mr. Cudmore's speech was re- 
 ceived. Whist itself was at an end for that evening, and 
 nothing but laughter, long, loud, and reiterated, burst from 
 every corner of the room for hours after. 
 
 As I have so far travelled out of the record of my own pe- 
 culiar confessions as to give a leaf from what might one day 
 form th.3 matter of Mr. Cudmore's, I must now make the 
 only amende in my power, by honestly narrating that, short 
 as my visit was to the classic precincts of this agreeable 
 establishment, I did not escape without exciting my share of 
 ridicule, though I certainly had not the worst of the joke, 
 and may, therefore, with better grace, tell the story, which, 
 happily for my readers, is a very brief one. A custom pre- 
 vailed in Mrs. Clanfrizzle's household, which, from my un- 
 happy ignorance of boarding-houses, I am unable to predi- 
 cate if it belong to the general at large, or this one specimen 
 in particular : however, it is a sufficiently curious fact, even 
 though thereby hang no tale, for my stating it here. The 
 decanters on the dinner-table were never labelled, with their 
 more appropriate designation of contents, whether claret, 
 sherry, or port, but with the names of their respective owners, 
 it being a matter of much less consequence that any individ- 
 ual at table should mix his wine, by pouring " port upon 
 madeira," than commit the truly legal offence of appropriating 
 to his own use and benefit, even by mistake, his neighbor's 
 bottle. However well the system may work among the 
 regular members of the " domestic circle " — and I am assured 
 that it does succeed extremely — to the newly arrived guest, 
 or uninitiated visitor, the affair is perplexing, and leads oc- 
 casionally to awkward results. 
 
 It so chanced from my friend O'Flaherty's habitual posi- 
 tion at the foot of the table, and my post of honor near the 
 head, that on the first day of my appearing there the distance 
 between us not only precluded all possible intercourse, but 
 any of those gentle hints as to habits and customs, a new
 
 1 48 MARK V LORRMQl 'A' A'. 
 
 arrival looks for at the hands of his better informed friend. 
 The only mode of recognition, to prove that we belonged to 
 each other, being by that excellent and truly English custom 
 of drinking wine together, Tom seized the first idle moment 
 from his avocation as carver, to say : 
 " Lorrequer, a glass of wine with you." 
 Having, of course, acceded, he again asked, 
 " What wine do you drink ? " intending thereby, as I after- 
 ward learned, to send me, from his end of the table what 
 wine I selected. Not conceiving the object of the inquiry, 
 and having hitherto without hesitation helped myself from 
 the decanter which bore some faint resemblance to sherry, I 
 immediately turned for correct information to the bottle itself, 
 upon whose slender neck was ticketed the usual slip of 
 paper. My endeavor to decipher the writing occupied time 
 sufficient again to make O' Flaherty ask : 
 
 " Well, Harry, I'm waiting for you. Will you have port ? " 
 " No, I thank you," I replied, having by this revealed the 
 inscription. "No, I thank you. I'll just stick to my old 
 friend here, Bob M'Grotty ; " for thus I rendered familiarly 
 the name of Rt. M'Grotty on the decanter, and which I in 
 my ignorance believe to be the boarding-house sobriquet for 
 bad sherry. That Mr. M'Grotty himself little relished my 
 familiarity with either his name or property I had a very de- 
 cisive proof, for, turning round upon his chair, and surveying 
 my person from head to foot with a look of fiery wrath, he 
 thundered out in very broad Scotch : 
 
 " And by my saul, my freend, ye may just as weel finish it 
 noo, for deil a glass o' his ain wine did Bob M'Grotty, as ye 
 ca' him, swallow this day." 
 
 The convulsion of laughter into which my blunder and the 
 Scotchman's passion threw the whole board lasted till the 
 cloth was withdrawn and the ladies had retired to the draw- 
 ing-room, the only individual at table not relishing the mis- 
 take being the injured proprietor of the bottle, who was too 
 proud to accept reparation from my friend's decanter, and 
 would scarcely condescend to open his lips during the even- 
 ing ; notwithstanding which display of honest indignation, we 
 contrived to become exceedingly merry and jocose, most of 
 the party communicating little episodes of their life, in which, 
 it is true, they frequently figured in situations that nothing 
 but their native and natural candor would venture to avow. 
 One story I was considerably amused at ; it was told by the
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 149 
 
 Counsellor, Mr. Daly, in illustration of the difficulty of rising 
 at the bar, and which, as showing his own mode of obviating 
 the delay that young professional men submit to from hard 
 necessity, as well as in evidence of his strictly legal turn, I 
 shall certainly recount, one of these days, for the edification 
 of the junior bar. 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 THE CHASE. 
 
 On the morning after my visit to the boarding-house, I 
 received a few hurried lines from Curzon, informing me that 
 no time was to be lost in joining the regiment — that a grand 
 fancy ball was about to be given by the officers of the Dwarf 
 frigate, then stationed off Dunmore ; who, when inviting the 
 
 , specially put in a demand for my well-known services 
 
 to make it go off, and concluding with an extract from the 
 Kilkenny Moderator, which ran thus : " An intimation has 
 just reached us, from a quarter on which we can place the 
 fullest reliance, that the celebrated amateur performer, Mr. 
 Lorrequer, may shortly be expected amongst us ; from the 
 many accounts we have received of this highly-gifted gentle- 
 man's powers, we anticipate a great treat to the lovers of the 
 drama," etc., etc. " So you see, my dear Hal," continued 
 Curzon, " thy vocation calls thee ; therefore come, and come 
 quickly — provide thyself with a black satin costume, slashed 
 with light blue — point lace collar, and ruffles — a Spanish 
 hat looped in front — and, if possible, a long rapier, with a 
 flat hilt. Carden is not here ; so you can show your face 
 under any color with perfect impunity. Yours from the side 
 scenes, 
 
 " C. Curzon." 
 
 This clever epistle sufficed to show me that the gallant 
 — th had gone clean theatrical mad ; and although from my 
 t; last appearance on any stage," it might be supposed I 
 should feel no peculiar desire to repeat the experiment, yet 
 the opportunity of joining during Colonel Garden's absence 
 was too tempting to resist, and I at once made up my mind 
 to set out, and without a moment's delay hurried across the
 
 i 5 o flARR Y LORREQtJER. 
 
 street to the coach office, to book myself an inside in the mail 
 of that night ; fortunately no difficulty existed in my securing 
 a seat, for the way-bill was a perfect blank, and I found my- 
 self the only person who had, as yet, announced himself a 
 passenger. On returning to my hotel, I found O' Flaherty 
 waiting for me ; he was greatly distressed on hearing my deter- 
 mination to leave town — explained how he had been catering 
 for my amusement for the week to come — that a picnic to the 
 Dargle was arranged in a committee of the whole house, and 
 a boating party, with a dinner at the Pigeon House was then 
 under consideration. Resisting, however, such extreme temp- 
 tations, I mentioned the necessity of my at once proceeding 
 to headquarters, and all other reasons for my precipitancy 
 failing, concluded with that really knock-down argument, " I 
 have taken my place ; " this, I need scarcely add, finished 
 the matter — at least /have never known it to fail in such 
 cases. Tell your friends that your wife is hourly expected to 
 be confined ; your favorite child is in the measles ; your best 
 friend waiting your aid in an awkward scrape — your one vote 
 only wanting to turn the scale in an election. Tell them, I 
 say, each or all of these, or a hundred more like them, and 
 to any one you so speak, the answer is — " Pooh, pooh, my 
 dear fellow, never fear — don't fuss yourself — take it easy — 
 to-morrow will do just as well." If, on the other hand, how- 
 ever, you reject such flimsy excuses, and simply say, " I'm 
 booked in the mail," the opposition at once falls to the 
 ground, and your quondam antagonist, who was ready to 
 quarrel with you, is at once prepared to assist in packing 
 your portmanteau. 
 
 Having soon satisfied my friend Tom that resistance was 
 in vain, I promised to eat an early dinner with him at 
 Morrison's, and spent the better part of the morning in putting 
 down a few notes of my Confessions, as well as the par- 
 ticulars of Mr. Daly's story, which, I believe, I half or wholly 
 promised my readers at the conclusion of my last chapter ; 
 but which I must defer to a more suitable opportunity, when 
 mentioning the next occasion of my meeting him on the 
 southern circuit. 
 
 My dispositions were speedily made. I was fortunate in 
 securing the exact dress my friend's letter alluded to among 
 the stray costumes of Fishamble Street ; and rich in the 
 possession of the only " properties " it has been my lot to 
 acquire, I despatched my treasure to the coach office, and
 
 HA R R Y L ORRE Q UER. 1 5 1 
 
 hastened to Morrison's, it being by this time nearly five 
 o'clock. There, true to time, I found O'Flaherty deep in the 
 perusal of the bill, along which figured the novel expedients 
 for dining, I had been in the habit of reading in every Dub- 
 lin hotel since my boyhood. " Mock turtle, mutton, gravy, 
 roast beef and potatoes — shoulder of mutton and potatoes ! 
 ducks, peas and potatoes ! ! ham and chicken, cutlet steak 
 and potatoes ! ! ! apple tart and cheese ; " with a slight cadenza 
 of a sigh over the distant glories of Very, or still better the 
 " Freres," we sat down to a very partriarchal repast, and 
 what may be always had par excellence in Dublin a bottle of 
 Sneyd's claret. 
 
 Poor Tom's spirits were rather below their usual pitch ; and 
 although he made many efforts to rally and appear gay, he 
 could not accomplish it. However, we chatted away over 
 old times and old friends, and forgetting all else but the topics 
 we talked of, the timepiece over the chimney first apprised me 
 that two whole hours had gone by, and that it was now seven 
 o'clock, the very hour the coach was to start. I started up at 
 once, and notwithstanding all Tom's representations of the 
 impossibility of my being in time, had dispatched waiters in 
 different directions for a jarvey, more than ever determined 
 upon going ; so often is it that when real reasons for our con- 
 duct are wanting, any casual or chance opposition confirms us 
 in an intention which before was but uncertain. Seeirtg me 
 so resolved, Tom at length gave way, and advised my pursu- 
 ing the mail, which must be gone now at least ten minutes, 
 and which, with smart driving I should probably overtake be- 
 fore getting free of the city, as they have usually many 
 delays in so doing. I at once ordered out the " yellow post- 
 chaise," and before many minutes had elapsed, what with 
 imprecation and bribery, I started in pursuit of his Majesty's 
 Cork and Kilkenny mail-coach, then patiently waiting in the 
 courtyard of the Post-office. 
 
 " Which way now, your honor ? " said a shrill voice from 
 the dark — for such the night had already become ; and 
 threatened, with a few heavy drops of straight rain, the fall 
 of a tremendous shower. 
 
 " The Naas road," said I ; " and harkye, my fine fellow, if 
 you overtake the coach in half an hour, Til double your 
 fare." 
 
 " Begorra, I'll do my cndayvor," said the youth ; at the 
 same instant dashing in both spurs, we rattled down Nassau
 
 1 5 2 HA RR i ' L ORREQl T ER 
 
 Street at a very respectable pace for harriers. Street after 
 street we passed, and at last 1 perceived we had got clear of 
 the city, and were leaving the long line of lamp-lights behind 
 us. The night was now pitch-dark. I could not see any- 
 thing whatever. The quick clattering of the wheels ; the 
 sharp crack of the postilion's whip, or the still sharper tones 
 of his " gee-up," showed me we were going at a tremendous 
 rate, had I not even had the experience afforded by the 
 frequent visit my head paid to the roof of the chaise, so often 
 as we bounded over a stone, or splashed through a hollow. 
 Dark and gloomy as it was, I constantly let down the window, 
 and with half my body protruded, I endeavored to catch a 
 glimpse of the " Chase ; " but nothing could I see. The rain 
 fell in actual torrents ; and a more miserable night it is 
 impossible to conceive. 
 
 After about an hour so spent, we at last came to a check, 
 so sudden and unexpected on my part, that I was nearly 
 precipitated, harlequin fashion, through the front window. 
 Perceiving that we no longer moved and suspecting that some 
 part of our tackle had given way, I let down the sash and 
 cried out — "Well now, my lad, anything wrong?" My 
 question was, however, unheard ; and although amid the 
 steam arising from the wet and smoking horses, I could per- 
 ceive several figures indistinctly moving about, I could not 
 distinguish what they were doing, nor what they said. A 
 laugh I certainly did hear, and heartily cursed the unfeeling 
 wretch, as I supposed him to be, who was enjoying himself 
 at my disappointment. I again endeavored to find out what 
 had happened, and called out till louder than before. 
 
 " We are at Ra'coole, your honor," said the boy, approach- 
 ing the door of the chaise, "and she's only beat us by half 
 a mile." 
 
 " Who the devil is she ? " said 1. 
 
 "The mail, your honor, is always a female in Ireland." 
 
 ' Then why do you stop now? You're not going to feed, 
 I suppose ? " 
 
 " Of course not, your honor, it's little feeding troubles these 
 bastes anyhow, but they tell me the road is so heavy 
 we'll never take the chaise over the next stage without 
 leaders." 
 
 "Without leaders !" said I. " Pooh! my good fellow, no 
 humbugging; four horses for a light post-chaise and no 
 luggage; come, get up, and no nonsense." At this moment a
 
 HARRY LORREQtfJSR. 153 
 
 man approached the window with a lantern in his hand, and 
 so strongly represented the dreadful state of the roads from 
 the late rains — the length of the stage — the frequency of 
 accidents latterly from under-horsing, etc., etc., that I yielded 
 a reluctant assent, and ordered out the leaders, comforting 
 myself the while, that, considering the inside fare of the coach 
 I made such efforts to overtake was under a pound, and 
 time was no object to me, I certainly was paying somewhat 
 dearly for my character for resolution. 
 
 At last we got under way once more, and set off cheered 
 by a tremendous shout from at least a dozen persons, doubt- 
 less denizens of that interesting locality, amongst which I 
 once again heard the laugh that had so much annoyed me 
 already. The rain was falling, if possible, more heavily 
 than before, and had evidently set in for the entire night. 
 Throwing myself back into a corner of the " leathern con- 
 venience," I gave myself up to the full enjoyment of the 
 Rochefoucauld maxim that there is always a pleasure felt 
 in the misfortunes of even our best friends, and certainly 
 experienced no small comfort to my distress, by contrasting 
 my present position with that of my two friends in the 
 saddle, as they sweltered on through mud and mire, rain 
 and storm. On we went, splashing, bumping, rocking and 
 jolting, till I began at last to have serious thoughts of 
 abdicating the seat and betaking myself to the bottom of the 
 chaise, for safety and protection. Mile after mile succeeded, 
 and as after many a short and fitful slumber, which my 
 dreams gave an apparent length to, I woke only to find 
 myself still in pursuit — the time seemed so enormously 
 protracted, that I began to fancy my whole life was to be 
 passed in the dark in chase of the Kilkenny mail, as we 
 read in the true history of the flying Dutchman, who, for 
 his sins of impatience — like mine — spent centuries vainly 
 endeavoring to double the Cape, or the Indian mariner in 
 Moor's beautiful ballad, of whom we are told as — 
 
 " Many a day to night gave way, 
 Ami many a morn succeeded, 
 Yet still his flight by day and night, 
 That restless mariner speeded." 
 
 This might have been all very well in the tropics, with a 
 smart craft and doubtless plenty of sea-store — but in a chase 
 at night, and on the Naas road, I humbly suggest I had all 
 the worst of the parallel.
 
 1 $ 4 y/ -> A,/ -' y /( } RRE ( » £ A A'. 
 
 At last the altered sound of the wheels gave notice of our 
 approach to a town, and after about twenty minutes, rattling 
 over the pavement we entered what 1 supposed correctly to 
 be Naas. Here I had long since determined my pursuit 
 should cease. I had done enough, and more than enough, 
 to vindicate my fame against any charge of irresolution as to 
 leaving Dublin, and was bethinking me of the various modes 
 of prosecuting my journey on the morrow, when we drew 
 suddenly up at the door of the Swan. The arrival of a 
 chaise and four at a small country town inn suggests to the 
 various employes therein anything rather than the traveller in 
 pursuit of the mail, and so the moment I arrived I was 
 assailed with innumerable proffers of horses, supper, bed, 
 etc. My anxious query was thrice repeated in vain, " When 
 did the coach pass ? " 
 
 " The mail," replied the landlord, at length. " Is it the 
 down mail ? " 
 
 Not understanding the technical, I answered, " Of course 
 not the Down — the Kilkenny and Cork mail ? " 
 
 " From Dublin, sir ? " 
 
 " Yes, from Dublin." 
 
 " Not arrived yet, sir, nor will it for three quarters of an 
 hour; they never leave Dublin till a quarter-past seven; 
 that is, in fact, half-past, and their time here is twenty 
 minutes to eleven." 
 
 " Why, you stupid son of a boot-top, we have been posting 
 on all night like the devil, and all this time the coach has 
 been ten miles behind us." 
 
 " Well, we've cotch them anyhow," said the urchin, as he 
 disengaged himself from his wet saddle and stood upon the 
 ground, " and it is not my fault that the coach is not before 
 us." 
 
 With a satisfactory anathema upon all innkeepers, 
 waiters, hostlers, and post-boys with a codicil including 
 coach proprietors, I followed the smirking landlord into a 
 well-lighted room, with a blazing fire, when, having ordered 
 supper, I soon regained my equanimity. 
 
 My rasher and poached eggs, all Naas could afford me, 
 were speedily dispatched, and as my last glass from one pint 
 of sherry was poured out, the long-expected coach drew up. 
 A minute after the coachman entered to take his dram, 
 'followed by the guard, a more lamentable spectacle of 
 condensed moisture cannot be conceived ; the rain fell from
 
 HA RRY LOR R A QUER. 155 
 
 the entire circumference of his broad-brimmed hat, like the 
 ever-flowing drop from the edge of an antique fountain ; 
 his drab coat had become of a deep orange hue, while his 
 huge figure loomed still larger as he stood amid a nebula of 
 damp that would have made an atmosphere for the Georgium 
 Sidus. 
 
 " ( ioing on to-night, sir ? " said he, addressing me ; " severe 
 weather, and no chance of its clearing, but of course you're 
 inside."' 
 
 " Why, there is very little doubt of that," said I. "Are 
 you nearly full inside ? " 
 
 " Only one, sir ; but he seems a real queer chap ; made 
 fifty inquiries at the office if he could not have the whole 
 inside to himself, and when he heard that one place had 
 been taken — yours, I believe, sir — he seemed like a scalded 
 bear." 
 
 " You don't know his name, then ? " 
 
 " No, sir, he never gave a name at the office, and his only 
 luggage is two brown paper parcels, without any ticket, and he 
 has them inside ; indeed, he never lets them from him even 
 for a second." 
 
 Here the guard's horn, announcing all ready, interrupted 
 the colloquy, and prevented my learning anything further of 
 my fellow-traveller, whom, however, 1 at once set down in my 
 own mind for some confounded old churl that made himself 
 comfortable everywhere, without ever thinking of any one 
 else's convenience, 
 
 As I passed from the inn door to the coach I once more 
 congratulated myself that I was about to be housed from 
 the terrific storm of wind and rain that railed without. 
 
 " Here's the step, sir," said the guard. " Get in sir ; two 
 minutes late already." 
 
 " I beg your pardon, sir," said I, as I half fell over the 
 legs of my unseen companion. " May I request leave to 
 pass you ? " While he made way for me for this purpose, I 
 perceived that he stooped down toward the guard and said 
 something — who, from his answer, had evidently been ques- 
 tioned as to who I was. " And how did he get here, if he 
 took his place in Dublin ? " asked the unknown, 
 
 " Came half an hour since, sir, in a chaise and four," said 
 the guard, as he banged the door behind him, and closed the 
 interview. 
 
 Whatever might have been the reasons for my fellow-
 
 156 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 traveller's anxiety about my name and occupation, I knew 
 not, yet could not help feeling gratified at thinking that, as 
 I had not given my name at the coach-office, I was as great 
 a puzzle to him as he to me. 
 
 "A severe night, sir," said 1, endeavoring to break ground 
 in conversation. 
 
 " Mighty severe," briefly and half crushingly replied the 
 unknown, with a richness of brogue that might have stood 
 for a certificate of baptism in Cork or its vicinity. 
 
 " And a bad road, too, sir," said I, remembering my lately 
 accomplished stage. 
 
 " That's the reason I always go armed," said the unknown, 
 clinking at the same moment something like the barrel of a 
 pistol. 
 
 Wondering somewhat at his readiness to mistake my 
 meaning, I felt disposed to drop any further effort to draw 
 him out, and was about to address myself to sleep, as com- 
 fortably as I could. 
 
 " I'll jist trouble ye to lean aff that little parcel there, sir," 
 said he, as he displaced from its position beneath my elbow 
 one of the paper packages the guard had already alluded to. 
 
 In complying with this rather gruff demand, one of my 
 pocket pistols, which I carried ia my breast pocket, fell out 
 upon his knee, upon which he immediately started, and asked 
 hurriedly — "And are you armed too ? " 
 
 " Why, yes," said I, laughingly ; " men of my trade seldom 
 go without something of this kind." 
 
 " Be gorra, I was just thinking that same," said the 
 traveller, with a half sigh to himself. 
 
 Why he should or should not have thought so, I never 
 troubled myself to canvass, and was once more settling my- 
 self in my corner, when I was startled by a very melancholy 
 groan, which seemed to come from the bottom of my com- 
 panion's heart. 
 
 " Are you ill, sir ? " said I, in a voice of some anxiety. 
 
 " You may say that," replied he — " if you knew who you 
 were talking to — although maybe you've heard enough of 
 me, though you never saw me till now." 
 
 "Without having that pleasure even yet," said I, "it 
 would grieve me to think you should be ill in the coach." 
 
 "Maybe it might," briefly replied the unknown, with a 
 species of meaning in his words I could not then understand, 
 
 u Did ye never hear tell of Harney Doyle ?" said he.
 
 I/A RR ) ' /. ORREQ ( "A A'. 1 5 7 
 
 " Not to my recollection." 
 
 "Then I'm Barney," said he; "that's in all the news- 
 papers in the metropolis ; I'm seventeen weeks in Jervis 
 Street hospital, and four in the Lunatic, and the devil a better 
 after all ; you must be a stranger, I'm thinking, or you'd 
 know me now." 
 
 " Why, I do confess, I've only been a few hours in Ireland 
 for the last six months." 
 
 " Ay, that's the reason ; I knew you would not be fond of 
 travelling with me, if you knew who it was." 
 
 " Why, really," said I, beginning at the moment to fathom 
 some of the hints of my companion, " I did not anticipate 
 the pleasure of meeting you." 
 
 " It's pleasure ye call it ; then there's no accountin' for 
 tastes, as Dr. Colles said, when he saw me bite Cusack 
 Rooney's thumb off." 
 
 " Bite a man's thumb off? " said I, in a horror. 
 
 " Ay," said he, with a kind of fiendish animation, " in one 
 chop. I wish you'd see how I scattered the consultation ; 
 b :gad they didn't wait to ax for a fee." 
 
 Upon my soul, a very pleasant vicinity, thought I. " And 
 may I ask, sir," said I, in a very mild and soothing tone of 
 voice, " may I ask the reason for this singular propensity of 
 yours ? " 
 
 " There it is now, my dear," said he, laying his hand upon 
 my knee familiarly, " that's just the very thing they can't 
 make out. Colles says, it's all the cerebellum, ye see, that's 
 inflamed and and combusted, and some of the others think it's 
 the spine ; and more, the muscles ; but my real impression 
 is, the devil a bit they know about it at all." 
 
 " And have they no name for the malady ? " said I. 
 
 " Oh, sure enough, they have a name for it." 
 
 " And, may I ask " 
 
 " Why, I think you'd better not, because, ye see, maybe I 
 might be troublesome to ye in the night, though I'll not if I 
 can help it, and it might be uncomfortable to you to be here 
 if I was to get one of the fits." 
 
 " One of the fits. Why, it's not possible, sir," said I, 
 " you would travel in a public conveyance in the state you 
 mention ; your friends surely would not permit it ? " 
 
 "Why, if they knew, perhaps," slyly responded the inter- 
 esting invalid, " if they knew, they might not exactly like it ; 
 but ye see I escaped only last night, and there'll be a fine
 
 158 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 hubbub in the morning, when they find I'm off; though I'm 
 thinking Rooney's barking away by this time." 
 
 " Rooney barking ! why, what tines that means ? " 
 
 " They always bark for a day or two after they're bit, if 
 the infection comes first from the dog." 
 
 " You are surely not speaking of hydrophobia," said I, my 
 hair actually bristling with horror and consternation. 
 
 " Ayn't I?" replied he; "maybe you've guessed it, 
 though." 
 
 " And have you the malady on you at present?" said I, 
 trembling for the answer. 
 
 " This is the ninth day since I took to biting." said he, 
 gravely, perfectly unconscious, as it appeared of the terror 
 such information was calculated to convey. 
 
 " And with such a propensity, sir, do you think yourself 
 warranted in travelling in a public coach, exposing others — " 
 
 " You'd better not raise your voice that way," quit ily 
 responded he ; " if I'm roused, it'll be worse for ye, that's all." 
 
 " Well, but," said I, moderating my zeal, " is it exactly 
 prudent in your delicate state, to undertake a journey ? " 
 
 " Ah," said he, with a sigh, " I've been longing to see the 
 fox-hounds thrown off, near Kilkenny ; these three weeks 
 I've been thinking of nothing else ; but I'm not sure how 
 my nerves will stand the cry; I might be throublesome." 
 
 " Upon my soul," thought I, " I shall not select that morn- 
 ing for my dkbut in the field." 
 
 " I hope, sir, there's no river or water-course on this road 
 — anything else I can, I hope, control myself against ; but 
 water — running water particularly — makes me throublesome." 
 
 Well knowing what he meant by the latter phrase, I felt the 
 cold perspiration settling on my forehead, as I remembered 
 that we must be within about ten or twelve miles of Leighlin- 
 bridge, where we should have to pass a very wide river. I 
 strictly concealed this fact from him, however, and gave him 
 to understand that there was not a well, brook or rivulet, for 
 forty miles on either side of us. He now sunk into a kind of 
 moody silence, broken occasionally by a low muttering noise. 
 as if speaking to himself — what this might portend, I know 
 not— but thought it better, under all circumstances, not to 
 disturb him. I low comfortable my present condition was I 
 need scarcely remark— sitting vis-a-vis to a lunatic, with a 
 pair of pistols in his possession — who had already avowed 
 his consciousness of his tendency to do mischief, and his
 
 Harry lorrequer. 15Y) 
 
 inability to master it ; all this in the dark, and in the narrow 
 limits of a mail-coach, where there was scarcely room for de- 
 fence, and no possibility of escape — how heartily I wished 
 myself back in the coffee-room at Morrison's with my poor 
 friend Tom — the infernal chaise that I cursed a hundred 
 times would have been an "exchange," better than into the 
 Life-Guards — ay, even the outside of the coach, if I could 
 only reach it, would, under present circumstances, be a 
 glorious alternative to my existing misfortune. What were 
 rain and storm and thunder and lightning compared with the 
 chances that awaited me here? — wet through I should inevit- 
 ably be, but then I had not yet contracted the horror of moist- 
 ure my friend opposite labored under. " Ha ! what is that ! 
 is it possible he can be asleep ; is it really a snore ? Heaven 
 grant that little snort be not what the medical people call a 
 premonitory symptom — if so, he'll be in upon me now in no 
 time. Ah ! there it is again ; he must be asleep surely ; now 
 then is my time or never." With these words muttered to 
 myself, and a heart throbbing almost audibly at the risk of 
 his awakening, I slowly let down the window of the coach, 
 and, stretching forth my hand, turned the handle cautiously 
 and slowly ; I next disengaged my legs, and by a long con- 
 tinuous effort of creeping — which I had learned perfectly 
 once, when practicing to go as a boa constrictor to a fancy 
 ball — I withdrew myself from the seat and reached the step, 
 when I muttered something very like a thanksgiving to Prov- 
 idence for my rescue. With little difficulty I now climbed 
 up beside the guard, whose astonishment at my appear- 
 ance was indeed considerable — that any man should prefer 
 the out to the inside of a coach in such a night was rather 
 remarkable ; but that the person so doing should be totally 
 unprovided with a box-coat, or other similar protection, 
 argued something so strange, that I doubt not, if he were to 
 decide upon the applicability of the statute of lunacy to a 
 traveller in the mail, the palm would certainly have been 
 awarded to me, and not to my late companion. Well, on we 
 rolled, and heavily as the rain poured down, so relieved did 
 I feel at my change of position, that I soon fell fast asleep, 
 and never woke till the coach was driving up Patrick Street. 
 Whatever solace to my feelings reaching the outside of the 
 coach might have been attended with at night, the pleasure 
 I experienced on awaking, was really not unalloyed. More 
 dead than alive I sat a mass of wet clothes, like nothing un-
 
 I Go Ji.l kKY LORREQi 
 
 der heaven except it be that morsel of black and spongy wet 
 cotton at the bottom of a school-boy's ink-bottle, saturated 
 with rain and the black dye of my coat. My hat, too, had 
 contributed its share of coloring matter, and several long 
 black streaks coursed clown my " wrinkled front," giving me 
 very much the air of an Indian warrior, who had got the first 
 priming of his war paint. I certainly must have been a rue- 
 ful object, were I only to judge from the faces of the waiters 
 as they gazed on me when the coach drew up at Rice & 
 Walsh's hotel. Cold, wet, and weary as I was, my curiosity 
 to learn more of my late agreeable companion was strong as 
 ever within me — perhaps stronger, from the sacrifices his 
 acquaintance had exacted from me. Before, however, 1 had 
 disengaged myself from the pile of trunks and carpet-bags I 
 had surrounded myself with, he had got out of the coach, 
 and all 1 could catch a glimpse of was the back of a little 
 short man in a kind of gray upper coat, and long galligaskins 
 on his legs. He carried his two bundles under his arm and 
 stepped nimbly up the steps of the hotel, without ever turn- 
 ing his head to either side. 
 
 " Don't fancy you shall escape me now, my good friend," 
 1 cried out, as I sprang from the roof to the ground with one 
 jump, and hurried after the great unknown into the coffee- 
 room. By the time I reached it he had approached the fire, 
 on the table near which, having deposited the mysterious 
 paper parcels, he was now busily engaged in divesting him- 
 self of his great coat his face was still turned from me, 
 so that I had time to appear employed in divesting myself of 
 my wet drapery before he perceived me ; at last the coat 
 was unbuttoned, the gaiters followed, and throwing them care- 
 lessly on a chair, he tucked up the skirts of his coat, and 
 spreading himself comfortably a VAnglaise before the tire, 
 displayed to my wondering and stupefied gaze the pleasant 
 features of Dr. Finucane. 
 
 "Why, Dr. — Dr. Finucane," cried I ; "is this possible! 
 Were you then really the inside in the mail last night ? " 
 
 "Devil a doubt of it, Mr. Lorrequer ; and may 1 make 
 bould to ask — were you the outside ? " 
 
 " Then what, may I beg to know, did you mean by your 
 damned story about Barney Doyle, and the hydrophobia, and 
 Cusack Rooney's thumb — eh ?" 
 
 "Oh, by the Lord," said Finucane, "this will be the death 
 of me ; and it was you that I drove outside in all the rain last
 
 HARR Y LORREQUER. 1 6 1 
 
 night ! Oh it will kill Father Malachi outright with laughing, 
 when I tell him ! " and he burst out into a fit of merriment 
 that nearly induced me to break his head with the poker. 
 
 " Am I to understand, then, Mr. Finucane, that this prac- 
 tical joke of yours was contrived for my benefit, and for the 
 purpose of holding me up to the ridicule of your confounded 
 acquaintances." 
 
 " Nothing of the kind, upon my conscience," said Fin, 
 drying his eyes, and endeavoring to look sorry and senti- 
 mental. " If I had only the least suspicion in life that it was 
 you, upon my oath Fd not have had the hydrophobia at all, 
 and to tell you the truth, you were not the only one frightened 
 — you alarmed me devilishly too." 
 
 " I alarmed you ! Why, how can that be ? " 
 
 " Why, the real affair is this: I was bringing these two 
 packages of notes down to my cousin Callaghan's bank in 
 Cork — fifteen thousand pounds — devil a less : and when you 
 came into the coach at Naas, after driving there with your 
 four horses, I thought it was all up with me. The guard just 
 whispered in my ear that he saw you look at the priming of 
 your pistols before getting in ; ar.d faith I said four paters, 
 and a Hail Mary, before you'd count five. Well, when you 
 got seated, the thought came into my mind that may be, 
 highwayman as you were, you would not like dying a natural 
 death, more particularly if you were an Irishman ; and so I 
 trumped up that long story about the hydrophobia, and the 
 gentleman's thumb, and devil knows what besides; and 
 while I was telling it, the cold perspiration was running 
 down my head and face, for every time you stirred, I said to 
 myseif, now he'll do it. Two or three times, do you know, I 
 was going to offer you ten shillings in the pound, and spare 
 my life ; and once, God forgive me, I thought it would not 
 be a bad plan to shoot you by ' mistake,' do you perceive." 
 
 " Why, upon my soul, I'm very much obliged to you for 
 your excessively kind intentions ; but really I feel you have 
 done quite enough for me on the present occasion. But, 
 come now, doctor, I must get to bed, and before I go, promise 
 me two things — to dine with us to-day at the mess, and not 
 to mention a syllable of what occurred last night — it tells, 
 believe me, very badly for both ; so, keep the secret, for if 
 these confounded fellows of ours ever got hold of it, I may 
 sell out, or quit the army ; I'll never hear the end of it." 
 
 "Never fear, my boy ; trust me. I'll dine with you, and 
 
 1 1
 
 s a 2 HA RR V Li )RRE{ > I 'A A'. 
 
 you're as safe as a church-mouse for anything I'll tell therri < 
 so, now you'd better change your clothes, for I'm thinking it 
 rained last night." 
 
 Muttering some very dubious blessings upon the learned 
 Fin, I left the room, infinitely more chagrined, and chopfallen 
 at the discovery I had made, than at all the misery and ex- 
 posure the trick had consigned me to. " However," thought 
 1, "if the doctor keeps his word, all goes well : the whole 
 affair is between us both solely ; but, should it not be so, I 
 may shoot half the mess before the other half would give up 
 quizzing me." Revolving such pleasant thoughts, I betook 
 myself to bed, and what with mulled port, and a blazing fire, 
 became once more conscious of being a warm-blooded animal, 
 and fell sound asleep to dream of doctors, strait waistcoats, 
 shaved heads and all the pleasing associations my late com- 
 panion's narrative so readily suggested. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 MEMS. OF THE NORTH CORK. 
 
 At six o'clock I had the pleasure of presenting the worthy 
 Dr. Finucane to our mess, taking at the same time an oppor- 
 tunity unobserved by him, to inform three or four of my 
 brother officers that my friend was really a character, abound- 
 ing in native drollery, and richer in good stories than even 
 the generality of his countrymen. 
 
 Nothing could possibly go on better than the early part of 
 the evening. Fin, true to his promise, never once alluded to 
 what I could plainly perceive was ever uppermost in his 
 mind, and what with his fund of humor, quaintness of ex- 
 pression, and quickness at reply, garnished throughout by 
 his most mellifluous brogue, the true " Bocca Corkana," kept 
 us from one roar of laughter to another. It was just at the 
 moment in which his spirits seemed at their highest, that I 
 had the misfortune to call upon him for a story, which his 
 cousin Father Malachi had alluded to on the ever-memorable 
 evening at his house, and which I had a great desire to hear 
 from I'iu's own lips. He seemed disposed to escape telling 
 it, and upon my continuing to press my request, dryly 
 remarked :
 
 HARR V L ORREQ I T ER. 1 63 
 
 " You forget, surely, my dear Mr. Lorrequer, the weak 
 condition I'm in ; and these gentlemen here, they don't know 
 what a severe illness I've been laboring under lately, or they 
 would not pass the decanter so freely down this quarter." 
 
 I had barely time to throw a mingled look of entreaty and 
 menace across the table, when half a dozen others, rightly 
 judging from the doctor's tone and serio-comic expression, 
 that his malady had many more symptoms of fun than suffer- 
 ing about it, called out together : 
 
 " Oh, doctor, by all means, tell us the nature of your late 
 attack ; pray relate it." 
 
 " With Mr. Lorrequer's permission, I'm your slave, gentle- 
 men," said Fin, finishing off his glass. 
 
 " Oh, as for me," I cried, " Dr. Finucane has my full 
 permission to detail whatever he pleases to think a fit subject 
 for your amusement." 
 
 " Come, then, doctor, Harry has no objection, you see : so 
 out with it ; and we are all prepared to sympathize with your 
 woes and misfortunes, whatever they be." 
 
 " Well, I am sure I never could think of mentioning it 
 
 without his leave ; but now that he sees no objection 
 
 Eh, do you, though ? if so, then, don't be winking and 
 making faces at me ; but say the word, and devil a syllable 
 of it I'll tell to man or mortal." 
 
 The latter part of this delectable speech was addressed to 
 me across the table, in a species of stage whisper, in reply to 
 some telegraphic signals I had been throwing him, to induce 
 him to turn the conversation into any other channel. 
 
 " Then, that's enough," continued he, sotto voce — " I see 
 you'd rather I'd not tell it." 
 
 " Tell it and be d d," said I, wearied by the incorrigi- 
 ble pertinacity with which the villain assailed me. My most 
 unexpected energy threw the whole table into a roar, at the 
 conclusion of which Fin began his narrative of the mail-coach 
 adventure. 
 
 I need not tell my reader, who has followed me through- 
 out in these my Confessions, that such a story lost nothing of 
 its absurdity when intrusted to the doctor's power of narra- 
 tion ; he dwelt with a poet's feelings upon the description of 
 his own sufferings, and my sincere condolence and commis- 
 eration ; he touched with the utmost delicacy upon the dis- 
 tant hints by which he broke the news to me ; but when he 
 came to describe my open and undisguised terror, and my
 
 1 64 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 secret and precipitate retreat to the roof of the coach, there 
 was not a man at the table that was not convulsed with 
 laughter — and shall I acknowledge it, even 1 myself was un- 
 able to withstand the effect, and joined in the general 
 chorus against myself. 
 
 " Well," said the remorseless wretch, as he finished his 
 story, " if ye haven't the hard hearts to laugh at such a mel- 
 ancholy subject ! Maybe, however, you are not so cruel 
 after all — here's a toast for you, ' A speedy recovery to 
 Cusack Rooney.' " This was drunk amid renewed peals,, 
 with all the honors ; and 1 had abundant time before the 
 uproar was over to wish every man of them hanged. It 
 was to no purpose that I endeavored to turn the tables, by 
 describing Fin's terror at my supposed resemblance to a 
 highwayman — his story had the precedence, and I met 
 nothing during my recital but sly allusions to mad dogs, 
 muzzles, and doctors ; and contemptible puns were let off on 
 every side at my expense. 
 
 " It's little shame 1 take to myself for the mistake, any- 
 how," said Fin, " for putting the darkness of the night out 
 of the question, I'm not so sure I would not have ugly sus- 
 picions of you by daylight." 
 
 "And besides, doctor," added I, "it would not be your 
 fust blunder in the dark." 
 
 " True for you, Mr. Lorrequer," said he, good-humoredly ; 
 "and now that I have told them your story, I don't (are if 
 they hear mine, though maybe some of ye have heard it 
 already — it's pretty well known in the North Cork." 
 
 We all gave our disclaimers on this point, and having or- 
 dered in a fresh cooper of port, disposed ourselves in our 
 most easy attitudes, while the doctor proceeded as follows : 
 
 " It was in the hard winter of the year '99 that we were 
 quartered in Maynooth, as many said for our sins — for a 
 more stupid place, the Lord be merciful to it, never were 
 men condemned to. The people at the college were much 
 better off than us — they had whatever was to be got in the 
 country, and never were disturbed by mounting guard or 
 night patrols. Many of the professors were good fellows, 
 that liked grog fully as well as Greek, and understood 
 short whist, and five-and-ten quite as intimately as they 
 knew the vulgate, or the confessions of Si. Augustine — 
 they made no ostentatious display of their pious zeal, but 
 whenever they were not fasting or praying, or something of
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 165 
 
 that kind, they were always pleasant and agreeable ; and to 
 do them justice, never refuse, by any chance, an invitation 
 to dinner — no matter at what inconvenience. Well, even 
 this little solace in our affliction we soon lost, by an unfortu- 
 nate mistake of that Orange rogue of the world, Major Jones, 
 that gave a wrong pass one night — Mr. Lorrequer knows the 
 story (here he alluded to an adventure detailed in an early 
 chapter of my Confessions), and from that day forward we 
 never saw the pleasant faces of the Abbe D' Array, or the 
 Professor of the Humanities, at the mess. Well, the only 
 thing I could do, was just to take an opportunity to drop in 
 at the college in the evening, where we had a quiet rubber 
 of whist, and a little social and intellectual conversation, 
 with maybe an oyster and a glass of punch, just to season 
 the thing, before we separated ; all done discreetly and quietly 
 — no shouting nor even singing, for the ' superior ' had a 
 prejudice about profane songs. Well, one of those nights, 
 it was about the first week in February, I was detained by 
 stress of weather from eleven o'clock, when we usually bade 
 good-night, to past twelve, and then to one o'clock, waiting for 
 a dry moment to get home to the barracks — a good mile and 
 a half off. Every time old Father Mahoney went to look at 
 the weather, he came back saying ' It's worse it's getting ; 
 such a night of rain, glory be to God, never was seen.' So 
 there was no good in going out to be drenched to the skin, 
 and I sat quietly waiting, taking between times a little punch, 
 just not to seem impatient, nor distress their rev'rances. At 
 last it struck two, and I thought — 'well, the decanter is 
 empty now and I think, if I mean to walk, I've taken enough 
 for the present ; ' so wishing them all manner of happiness 
 and pleasant dreams I stumbled my way downstairs, and 
 set out on my journey. I was always in the habit of taking a 
 short cut on my way home, across the ' gurt na brocha,' the 
 priest's meadows, as they call them ; it saved nearly a half a 
 mile, although on the present occasion it exposed one wof ully 
 to the rain, for there was nothing to shelter under the entire 
 way, not even a tree.. Well, out I set in a half trot, for I 
 stayed so late I was pressed for time ; besides, I felt it easier 
 to run than walk; I'm sure I can't tell why; may be the 
 drop of drink I took got into my head. Well, I was just 
 joggin' on across the common, the rain beating hard in my 
 face, and my clothes pasted to me with the wet, notwith- 
 standing I was singing to myself a verse of an old song to
 
 166 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 lighten the road, when I heard suddenly a noise near me, 
 like a man sneezing. I stopped and listened — in fact it was 
 impossible to see your hand the night was so dark — but I 
 could hear nothing; the thought then came over me, maybe 
 it's something 'not good,' for there were very ugly stories 
 going about what the priests used to do formerly in these 
 meadows ; and bones were often found in different parts of 
 them. Just as I was thinking this, another voice came 
 nearer than the last ; it might be only a sneeze after all ; 
 but in real earnest it was mighty like a groan. 'The Lord 
 be about us,' I said to myself, ' what this ? — have ye the 
 pass ? ' I cried out, ' have ye the pass ? or what brings ye 
 walking here /'// nomine pater /' for I was so confused 
 whether it was a ' sperit' or not, I was going to address him 
 in Latin — there's nothing equal to the dead languages to lay 
 a ghost everybody knows. Faith, the moment I said these 
 words he gave another groan, deeper and more melancholy 
 like than before. 'If it's uneasy ye are,' says I, 'for any 
 neglect of your friends,' for I thought he might be in purga- 
 tory longer than he thought convenient, ' tell me what you 
 wish, and go home peaceably out of the rain, for this weather 
 can do no good to living or dead ; go home,' said I, ' and, if 
 it's masses ye'd like, I'll give you a day's pay myself, rather 
 than you should fret yourself this way.' The words were 
 not well out of my mouth when he came so near me that the 
 sigh he gave went through both my ears. ' The Lord be 
 merciful to me,' said I, trembling. ' Amen,' says he, 
 'whether you're joking or not.' The moment he said that 
 my mind was relieved, for I knew it was not a spirit, and I 
 began to laugh heartily at my mistake. ' And who are ye at 
 all,' said I, 'that's roving about at this hour of the night? 
 Ye can't be Father Luke, for 1 left himself asleep on the car- 
 pet before I quitted the college, and faith, my friend, if you 
 hadn't the taste for devarsion, ye would not be out now.' 
 He coughed then so hard that I could not make out well 
 what he said, but just perceived that he had lost his way on 
 to the common, and was a little disguised in liquor. ' It's a 
 good man's case,' said I, 'to take a little too much, though 
 it's what I don't do myself ; so. take hold of my hand and I'll 
 see you safe.' I stretched out my hand, and got him, not 
 by tlie arm, as I hoped, but by the hair of the head, for he 
 was ali dripping with wet, and had lost his hat. ' Well, 
 you'll not be better of this night's excursion,' thought I , 'if
 
 HA RR Y LOR R /<: ( > t T ER. 1 6 7 
 
 ye are liable to the rheumatism ; and now, whereabout do 
 you live, my friend ? for I'll see you safe before I leave you.' 
 What he said then I never could make out, for the wind and 
 rain were beating so hard against my face that I could not 
 hear a word ; however, I was able just to perceive that he 
 was very much disguised in drink, and spoke rather thick. 
 'Well, never mind,' said I, 'it's not a time of day for much 
 conversation ; so come along, and I'll see you safe to the 
 guard-house, if you can't remember your own place o'f abode 
 in the mean while.' It was just at the moment I said this 
 that I first discovered he was not a gentleman. Well, now 
 you'd never guess how I did it ; and, faith, I always thought 
 it a very cute thing of me, and both of us in the dark." 
 
 " Well, I really confess it must have been a very difficult 
 thing, under the circumstances ; pray how did you contrive ? " 
 said the major. 
 
 "Just guess how." 
 
 "By the tone of his voice, perhaps, and his accent," said 
 Curzon. 
 
 " Devil a bit, for he spoke remarkably well, considering 
 how far gone he was in liquor." 
 
 " Well, probably by the touch of his hand ; no bad test." 
 
 " No ; you're wrong again, for it was by the hair I had a 
 hold of him for fear of falling, for he was always stooping 
 down. Well, you'd never guess it ; it was just by the touch 
 of his foot." 
 
 " His foot ! Why, how did that give you any information ? " 
 
 "There it is, now; that's just what only an Irishman 
 would even have made anything out of ; for, while he was 
 stumbling about, he happened to tread upon my toes, and 
 never since I was born did I feel anything like the weight of 
 him. 'Well,' said I, 'the loss of your hat may give you a 
 cold, my friend ; but upon my conscience you are in no dan- 
 ger of wet feet with such a pair of strong brogues as you 
 have on you.' Well, he laughed at that till I thought he'd 
 split his sides ; and, in good truth, I could not help joining 
 in the fun, although my foot was smarting like mad ; and so 
 we jogged along through the rain, enjoying the joke just as if 
 we were sitting by a good fire, with a jorum of punch between 
 us. I am sure I can't tell you how often we fell that night, 
 but my clothes the next morning were absolutely covered 
 with mud, and my hat crushed in two ; for he was so con- 
 foundedly drunk it was impossible to keep him up, and he
 
 1 08 //.-/ A : A' ) ' LORREQtfER. 
 
 always kept boring along with his head down, so that my 
 heart was almost broke in keeping him upon his legs. I'm 
 sure I never had a more fatiguing march in the whole Pen- 
 insula than that blessed mile and a half ; but every misfortune 
 has an end at last, and it was four o'clock, striking by the 
 college clock, as we reached the barracks, After knocking 
 a couple of times, and giving the countersign, the sentry 
 opened the small wicket, and my heart actually leaped with 
 joy that I had done with my friend ; so I just called out the 
 sergeant of the guard, and said, ' Will you put that poor 
 fellow on the guard-bed till morning ? for I found him on 
 the common, and he could Q either find his way home nor 
 tell me where he lived.' 'And where is he?' said the ser- 
 geant. ' He's outside the gate there," said I, ' wet to the skin, 
 and shaking as if he had the ague.' ' And is this him ? ' said 
 the sergeant, as he went outside. ' It is,' said I, ' maybe you 
 know him ? ' ' Maybe I've a guess,' said he, bursting into a 
 fit of laughing that I thought he'd choke with. ' Well, ser- 
 geant,' said I, ' I always took you for a humane man ; but if 
 that's the way you treat a fellow-creature in distress.' ' A fel- 
 low-creature,' said he, laughing louder than before. ' Ay, a fel- 
 low-creature,' said I — for the sergeant was an Orangeman — 
 ' and if he differs from you in matters of religion, sure he's your 
 fellow-creature still.' 'Troth, doctor, I think there's another 
 trifling difference betune us,' said he. ' Damn your politics,' 
 said 1, ' never let them interfere with true humanity.' Wasn't 
 I right, major ? ' Take good care of him and here's half-a- 
 crown for ye.' So, saying these words, I steered along by the 
 barrack wall, and, after a little groping about, got upstairs to 
 my quarters, when, thanks to a naturally good constitution 
 and regular habits of life, I soon fell fast asleep." 
 
 When the doctor had said thus much, he pushed his chair 
 slightly from the table, and, taking off his wine, looked about 
 him with the composure of a man who has brought his tale 
 to a termination. 
 
 " Well, but, doctor," said the major, " you are surely not 
 done. You have not yet told us who your interesting friend 
 turned out to be." 
 
 " That's the very thing, then, I'm not able to do." 
 
 " But, of course," said another, " your story does not end 
 there." 
 
 "And where the devil would you have it end ?" replied 
 he. " Didn't I bring my hero home, and go asleep after-
 
 HA RR Y L ORREQ UER. 169 
 
 ward myself, and then, with virtue rewarded, how could I 
 finish it better ? " 
 
 " Oh, of course ; but still you have not accounted for a 
 principal character in the narrative," said I. 
 
 " Exactly so," said Curzon. " We were all expecting 
 some splendid catastrophe in the morning ; that your com- 
 panion turned out to be the Duke of Leinster, at least — or 
 parhaps a rebel general, with an immense price upon his 
 head." 
 
 " Neither the one nor the other," said Fin, dryly. 
 
 " And do you mean to say there never was any clew to the 
 discovery of him ? " 
 
 " The entire affair is wrapped in mystery to this hour," 
 said he. " There was a joke about it, to be sure, among the 
 officers ; but the North Cork never wanted something to 
 laugh at." 
 
 " And what was the joke ? " said several voices together. 
 
 " Just a complaint from old Mickey Oulahan, the post- 
 master, to the colonel in the morning, that some of the 
 officers took away his blind mare off the common, and that 
 the letters were late in consequence." 
 
 "And so, doctor," called out seven or eight, " your friend 
 turned out to be " 
 
 " Upon my conscience they said so, and that rascal, the 
 sergeant, would take his oath of it ; but my own impression 
 I'll never disclose to the hour of my death." 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 THEATRICALS. 
 
 Our seance at the mess that night was a late one, for after 
 we had discussed some coopers of claret, there was a very 
 general public feeling in favor of a broiled bone and some 
 deviled kidneys, followed by a very ample bowl of bishop, 
 over which simple condiments we talked " green-room " till 
 near the break of day. 
 
 From having been so long away from the corps I had 
 much to learn of their doings and intentions to do, and heard 
 with much pleasure that they possessed an exceedingly 
 handsome theatre well stocked with scenery, dresses, and
 
 170 HA RR Y L ORREQ ( ~ER. 
 
 decorations ; that they were at the pinnacle of public estima- 
 tion, from what they had already accomplished, and calcu- 
 lated on the result of my appearance to crown them with 
 honor. I had indeed very little choice leftme in the matter ; 
 for not only had they booked me for a particular part, but bills 
 were already in circulation, and sundry little three-cornered 
 notes enveloping them were sent to the elite of the surround- 
 ing country, setting forth that " on Friday evening the com- 
 mittee of the garrison theatricals, intending to perform a 
 dress rehearsal of the ' Family Party,' request the pleasure 
 
 of Mr. and Mrs. 's company on the occasion. Mr. 
 
 Lorrequer will undertake the part of Captain Beaugarde. 
 Supper at twelve. An answer will oblige." 
 
 The sight of one of these pleasant little epistles — of which 
 the foregoing is a true copy — was presented to me as a great 
 favor that evening, it having been agreed upon that I was to 
 know nothing of their high and mighty resolves till the 
 following morning. It was to little purpose that I assured 
 them all, collectively and individually, that of Captain Beau- 
 garde I absolutely knew nothing — had never read the piece 
 — nor even seen it performed. I felt, too, that my last ap- 
 pearance in character in a "Family Party" was anything 
 but successful ; and I trembled lest, in the discussion of the 
 subject, some confounded allusion to my adventure at 
 Cheltenham might come out. Happily they seemed all igno- 
 rant of this ; and fearing to bring conversation in any way to 
 the matter of my late travels, I fell in with their humor, and 
 agreed, if it were possible in the limited time allowed me, to 
 manage it — I had but four days — I should undertake the char- 
 acter. My concurrence failed to give the full satisfaction I 
 had expected, and they so habitually did what they pleased 
 with me, that, like all men so disposed, I never got the credit 
 for concession which a man more niggardly of his services 
 may always command. 
 
 " To be sure you will do it, Harry," said the major ; 
 "why not? I could learn the thing myself in a couple of 
 hours, as for that." 
 
 Now, be it known that the aforesaid major was so incor- 
 rigibly slow of study, and dull of comprehension, that he had 
 been successively degraded at our theatrical board from the 
 delivering of a stage message to the office of a check-taker. 
 
 " He's so devilish good in the love-scene," said the junior 
 ensign, with the white eyebrows. " I say, Curzon, you'll
 
 //A RRY L ORREQ UER. 1 7 1 
 
 be confoundedly jealous though, for he is to play with 
 Fanny." 
 
 " I rather think not," said Curzon, who was a little tipsy. 
 
 " Oh, yes," said Frazer. " Hepton is right. Lorrequer 
 has Fanny for his ' Frou,' and upon my soul, I should feel 
 tempted to take the part myself upon the same terms ; though I 
 verily believe I should forget I was acting, and make fierce 
 love to her on the stage." 
 
 "And who may la charmante Fanny be?" said I, with 
 something of the air of the " Dey of Algiers " in my tone. 
 
 " Let Curzon tell him," said several voices together ; " he 
 is the only man to do justice to such perfection." 
 
 " Quiz away, my merry men," said Curzon ; "all I know 
 is, that you are a confoundedly envious set of fellows ; and 
 if so lovely a girl had thrown her eyes on one amongst 
 you " 
 
 " Hip ! hip ! hurrah ! " said old Fitzgerald ; " Curzon is 
 a gone man. He'll be off to the palace for a licence some 
 fine morning, or I know nothing of such matters." 
 
 " Well, Bat," said I, " if matters are really as you all say, 
 why does not Curzon take the part you destine for me ? " 
 
 " We dare not trust him," said the major. " Lord bless 
 you, when the call-boy would sing out for Captain Beau- 
 garde in the second act, we'd find that he had levanted 
 with our best slashed trousers, and a bird of paradise feather 
 in his cap." 
 
 "Well," thought I, "this is better at least than I antici- 
 pated, for if nothing else offers, I shall have rare fun teas- 
 ing my friend Charley " — for it was evident that he had been 
 caught by the lady in question. 
 
 " And so you'll stay with us ; give me your hand — you 
 are a real trump." These words, which proceeded from a 
 voice at the lower end of the table, were addressed to my 
 friend Finucane. 
 
 " I'll stay with ye, upon my conscience," said Fin ; " ye 
 have a most seductive way about ye ; and a very superior 
 taste in milk punch." 
 
 "But, doctor," said I, "you must not be a drone in the 
 hive ; what will ye do for us ? You should be a capital Sir 
 Lucius O'Trigger, if we could get up the Rivals." 
 
 " My forte is the drum — the big drum ; put me among 
 what the Greeks call the ' Mousikoi,' and I'll astonish ye." 
 
 It was at once agreed that Fin should follow the bent of
 
 172 HARRY LdRREQtJ£&. 
 
 his genius; and after some other arrangements for the rest of 
 the party we separated for the night, having previously toasted 
 the "Fanny," to which Curzon attempted to reply, but sank, 
 overpowered by punch and feelings, and looked unutterable 
 things, without the power to frame a sentence. 
 
 During the time which intervened between the dinner and 
 the night appointed for our rehearsal, I had more business 
 upon my hands than a Chancellor of the Exchequer the 
 week of the budget being produced. The whole manage- 
 ment of every department fell, as usual, to my share, and 
 all those who, previously to my arrival, had contributed their 
 quota of labor, did nothing whatever now but to lounge 
 about the stage, or sit half the day in the orchestra, listening 
 to some confounded story of Finucane's, who contrived to 
 have an everlasting mob of. actors, scene-painters, fiddlers, 
 and call-boys always about him, who, from their uproarious 
 mirth, and repeated shouts of merriment, nearly drove me 
 distracted, as I stood almost alone and unassisted in the 
 whole management. Of la belle Fanny, all I learned was, 
 that she was a professional actress of very considerable 
 talent, and extremely pretty ; that Curzon had fallen desper- 
 ately in love with her the only night she had appeared on 
 the boards there ; and that, to avoid his absurd persecution 
 of her, she had determined not to come into town until the 
 morning of the rehearsal, she being at that time on a visit 
 to the house of a country gentleman in the neighborhood. 
 Here was a new difficulty I had to contend with — to go 
 through my pari alone was out of the question to making it 
 effective ; and I felt so worried and harassed that I often 
 fairly resolved on taking the wings of the mail, and Hying 
 away to the uttermost parts of the south of Ireland, till all 
 was still and tranquil again. By degrees, however, I got 
 matters into better train, and by getting over our rehearsal 
 early before Fin appeared, as he usually slept somewhat 
 later after his night at mess, I managed to have things in 
 something like order : he and his confounded drum, which, 
 whenever he was not story-telling, he was sure to be practicing 
 on, being in fact the greatest difficulties opposed to my mana- 
 gerial functions. One property he possessed; so totally at 
 variance with all habits of order, that it completely baffled 
 me. So numerous were his narratives, that no occasion could 
 possibly arise, no chance expression be let fall on the stage, 
 but Fin had something he deemed apropos, and which, sans
 
 JIARR V LORR&QUEK. 1 73 
 
 facon, he at once related for the benefit of all whom it might 
 concern ; that was usually the entire corps dramatique, who 
 eagerly turned from stage directions and groupings, to laugh 
 at his ridiculous jests. I shall give an instance of this habit 
 of interruption, and let the unhappy wight who has filled 
 such an office as mine pity my woes. 
 
 I was standing one morning on the stage, drilling my 
 "corps," as usual. One most refractory spirit, to whom but 
 a few words were intrusted, and who bungled even those, I 
 was endeavoring to train into something like his part. 
 
 " Come now, Elsmore, try it again — just so. Yes, come 
 forward in this manner — take her hand tenderly — press it to 
 your lips ; retreat toward the flat, and then bowing deferen- 
 tially — thus say, ' Good-night, good-night ' — that's very sim- 
 ple, eh ? Well, now, that's all you have to do, and that brings 
 you over here — so you make your exit at once." 
 
 " Exactly so, Mr. Elsmore, always contrive to be near the 
 door under such circumstances. That was the way with my 
 poor friend, Curran. Poor Philpot, when he dined with the 
 Guild of Merchant Tailors, they gave him a gold box with 
 their arms upon 'it — a goose proper, with needles saltier-wise, 
 or something of that kind ; and they made him free of their 
 ' ancient and loyal corporation,' and gave him a very grand 
 dinner. Well, Curran was mighty pleasant and agreeable, 
 and kept them laughing all night, till the moment he rose to 
 go away, and then he told them that I12 never spent so happy 
 an evening, and all that. ' But, gentlemen,' said he, ' business 
 has its calls, I must tear myself away ; so wishing you now ' 
 — there were just eighteen of them — ' wishing you now every 
 happiness and prosperity, permit me to take my leave,' — and 
 here he stole near the door — ' to take my leave and bid you 
 both good-night.' " With a running fire of such stories, it 
 may be supposed how difficult was my task in getting any- 
 thing done upon the stage. 
 
 Well, at last the long-expected Friday arrived, and I arose 
 in the morning with all that peculiar tourbillion of spirit that 
 a man feels when he is half pleased and whole frightened with 
 the labor before him. I had scarcely accomplished dressing 
 when a servant tapped at my door, and begged to know if I 
 could spare a few moments to speak to Miss Ersler, who was 
 in the drawing-room, I replied, of course, in the affirmative, 
 and rightly conjecturing that my fair friend must be the lovely 
 Fanny already alluded to, followed the servant downstairs.
 
 I <j 4 II A R RY /.(> R R E Q ( '/. R. 
 
 " Mr. Lorrequer," said the servant, and closing the door 
 behind me, left me in sole possession of the lady. 
 
 "Will you do me the favor to sit here, Mr. Lorrequer," 
 said one of the sweetest voices in the world, as she made 
 room for me on the sofa beside her. " I am particularly 
 short-sighted ; so pray sit near me, as I really cannot talk to 
 any one I don't see." 
 
 I blundered out some platitude of a compliment to her 
 eyes — the fullest and most lovely blue that ever man gazed 
 into — at which she smiled as if pleased, and continued, 
 " Now, Mr. Lorrequer, I have really been longing for your com- 
 ing ; for your friends of the — th are doubtless very dashing, 
 spirited young gentlemen, perfectly versed in war's alarms ; 
 but pardon me if I say that a more wretched company of 
 strolling wretches never graced a barn. Now, come, don't be 
 angry ; but let me proceed. Like all amateur people, they 
 have the happy knack in distributing the characters, to put 
 every man in his most unsuitable position, and then that poor, 
 dear thing, Curzon — I hope he's not a friend of yours, by some 
 dire fatality, always plays the lover's parts, ha ! ha ! ha ! True, 
 I assure you, so that if you had not been announced as coming 
 this week, I should have left them and gone on to Bath." 
 
 Here she rose and adjusted her brown ringlets at the glass, 
 giving me ample time to admire one of the most perfect fig- 
 ures I ever beheld. She was most becomingly dressed, and 
 betrayed a foot and ankle which, for symmetry and " ckas- 
 sures," might have challenged the Rue Rivoli itself to match it. 
 
 My first thought was poor Curzon ; my second, happy and 
 thrice fortunate Harry Lorrequer. There was no time, how- 
 ever, for indulgence in such very pardonable gratulation, so 
 I at once proceeded " pour /aire Faimable" to profess my 
 utter inability to do justice to her undoubted talents, but 
 slyly added, that in the love-making part of the matter she 
 should never be able to discover that I was not in earnest. 
 We then chatted gayly for upward of an hour, until the 
 arrival of her friend's carriage was announced, when tender- 
 ing most graciously her hand, she smiled benignly, and say- 
 ing, " au revoir done" drove off. 
 
 As I stood upon the steps of the hotel, viewing her " out 
 of the visible horizon," I was joined by Curzon, who evi- 
 dently, from his self-satisfied air, and jaunty gait, little knew 
 how he stood in the fair Fanny's estimation. 
 
 " Very pretty, very pretty indeed, deeper and deeper still,"
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 175 
 
 cried he, alluding to my most courteous salutation as the 
 carriage rounded the corner, and its lovely occupant kissed 
 her hand once more. " I say, Harry, my friend, you don't 
 think that was meant for you, I should hope ? " 
 
 "What ! the kiss of the hand? Yes, faith, but I do." 
 
 " Well, certainly, that is good ! why, man, she just saw me 
 coming up that instant. She and I — we understand each 
 other — never mind, don't be cross — no fault of yours, you 
 know." 
 
 " Ah, so she is taken with you ? " said I. " Eh, Charley ? " 
 
 " Why, I believe that I may confess to you the real state 
 of matters. She was devilishly struck with me the first time 
 we rehearsed together. We soon got up a little flirtation ; 
 but the other night when I played Mirabel to her, it finished 
 the affair. She was quite nervous, and could scarcely go 
 through with her part. I saw it, and upon my soul I am 
 sorry for it ; she's a prodigiously fine girl — such lips and 
 such teeth ! Egad, I was delighted when you came ; for, 
 you see, I was in a manner obliged to take one line of char- 
 acter, and I saw pretty plainly where it must end ; and you 
 know with you it's quite different, she'll laugh and chat, and 
 all that sort of thing, but she'll not be carried away by her 
 feelings ; you understand me ? " 
 
 " Oh, perfectly : it's quite different, as you observed." 
 
 If I had not been supported internally during this short 
 dialogue by the recently expressed opinion of the dear Fanny 
 herself upon my friend Curzon's merits, I think I should 
 have been tempted to take the liberty of wringing his neck 
 off. However, the affair was much better as it stood, as I 
 had only to wait a little with proper patience, and I had no 
 fears but that my friend Charley would become the hero of a 
 very pretty episode for the mess. 
 
 " So I suppose you must feel considerably bored by this 
 kind of thing," I said, endeavoring to draw him out. 
 
 "Why, I do," replied he, "and I do not. The girl is very 
 pretty. The place is dull in the morning ; and altogether it 
 helps to fill up time." 
 
 " Well," said I, " you are always fortunate, Curzon. You 
 have ever your share of what floating luck the world 
 affords." 
 
 "It is not exactly all luck, my dear friend ; for, as I shall 
 explain to you " 
 
 "Not now," replied I, "for I have not yet breakfasted."
 
 1 76 HARR J ' LORREQl V A'. 
 
 So saying, I turned into the coffee-room, leaving the worthy 
 adjutant to revel in his fancied conquest, and pity such un- 
 fortunates myself. 
 
 After an early dinner at the club-house, I hastened down 
 to the theatre, where numerous preparations for the night 
 were going forward. The green-room was devoted to the 
 office of a supper-room, to which the audience had been in- 
 vited. The dressing-rooms were many of them filled with 
 the viands destined for the entertainment. Where, among 
 the wooden fowls and " impracticable " flagons, were to be 
 seen very imposing pasties and flasks of champagne, littered 
 together in the most admirable disorder. The confusion 
 naturally incidental to all private theatricals, was tenfold in- 
 creased by the circumstances of our projected supper. Cooks 
 and scene-shifters, fiddlers and waiters, were most inextricably 
 mingled, and, as in all similar cases, the least important func- 
 tionaries took the greatest airs upon them, and appropriated 
 without hesitation whatever came to their hands — thus the 
 cook would not have scrupled to light a fire with the violon- 
 cello of the orchestra ; and I actually caught one of the "gens 
 de cuisine" making a "souffle" in a brass helmet I had once 
 worn when astonishing the world as Coriolanus. 
 
 Six o'clock struck. In another short hour and we begin, 
 thought I, with a sinking heart, as I looked upon the littered 
 stage crowded with hosts of fellows that had nothing to do 
 there. Figaro himself never wished for ubiquity more than 
 I did, as I hastened from place to place, entreating, cursing, 
 begging, scolding, execrating, and imploring by turns. To 
 mend the matter, the devils in the orchestra had begun to 
 tune their instruments, and I had to bawl like a boatswain 
 of a man-of-war to be heard by the person beside me. 
 
 As seven o'clock struck I peeped through the small aper- 
 ture in the curtain, and saw, to my satisfaction, mingled, I 
 confess, with fear, that the house was nearly filled — the lower 
 tier of boxes entirely so. There were a great many ladies 
 handsomely dressed, chatting gayly with their chaperons, 
 and I recognized some of my acquaintances on every side ; 
 in fact, there was scarcely a family of rank in the county 
 that had not at least some members of it present. As the 
 orchestra struck up the overture to Don Giovanni, I retired 
 from my place to inspect the arrangements behind. 
 
 Before the performance of the "family Part} "we were 
 to have a little one-act piece called "A Day in Madrid,"
 
 HA A' A V L ORREQ I r ER. 1 7 7 
 
 written by myself — the principal characters being expressly 
 composed for "Miss Ersler and Mr. Lorrequer." 
 
 The story of this trine it is not necessary to allude to ; 
 indeed, if it were, I should scarcely have patience to do so, 
 so connected is my recollection of it with the distressing 
 incident which followed. 
 
 In the first scene of the piece, the curtain rising displays 
 la belle Fanny sitting at her embroidery in the midst of a 
 beautiful garden, surrounded with statues, fountains, etc. ; 
 at the back is seen a pavilion in the ancient Moorish style of 
 architecture, over which hang the branches of some large and 
 shady trees ; she comes forward, expressing her impatience 
 at the delay of her lover, whose absence she tortures herself 
 to account for by a hundred different suppositions, and after 
 a very sufficient expose of her feelings, and some little explana- 
 tory details of her private history, conveying a very clear 
 intimation of her own amiability, and her guardian's cruelty, 
 she proceeds, after the fashion of other young ladies similarly 
 situated, to give utterance to her feelings by a song ; after, 
 therefore, a suitable prelude from the orchestra, for which, 
 considering the impassionate state of her mind, she waits 
 patiently, she comes forward and begins a melody : 
 
 "O, why is he far from the heart that adores him ? " 
 
 in which for two verses, she proceeds with sundry solfeggios 
 to account for the circumstances, and show her own disbelief 
 of the explanation in a very satisfactory manner. Meanwhile, 
 for I must not expose my reader to any anxiety on my account, 
 similar to what the dear Fanny here labored under, I was 
 making the necessary preparations for flying to her presence, 
 and clasping her to my heart — that is to say, 1 had already 
 gummed on a pair of mustaches, had corked and arched a 
 pair of ferocious eyebrows, which, with my rouged cheeks, 
 gave me a look half Whiskerando, half Grimaldi ; these 
 operations were performed, from the stress of circumstances, 
 sufficiently near the object of my affections, to afford me 
 the pleasing satisfaction of hearing, from her own sweet lips, 
 her solicitude about me. In a word, all the dressing-rooms 
 but two were filled with hampers of provisions, glass, china, 
 and crockery, and from absolute necessity, I had no other 
 spot where I could attire myself unseen, except in the iden- 
 tical pavilion already alluded to. Here, however, I was quite 
 secure, and had abundant time also, for I was not to appear 
 
 12
 
 17S HARRY LORREQl 
 
 till scene the second, when I was to come forward in full 
 Spanish costume, " every inch a Hidalgo." Meantime Fanny 
 had been singing — 
 
 " O, why is he far," etc., etc. 
 
 At the conclusion of the last verse, just as- she repeats t he 
 words " why, why, why," in a very distracted and melting 
 cadence, a voice behind her startles her. She turns and 
 beholds her guardian — so at least runs the course of events 
 in the real drama — that it should follow thus now, however, 
 " Diis alitur visum," — for just as she came to the very mov- 
 ing apostrophe alluded to, and called out, " Why comes he 
 not ? " a gruff voice from behind answered in a strong Cork 
 brogue — " Ah ! would you have him come in a state of 
 nature ? " At the instant a loud whistle rang through the 
 house, and the pavilion scene slowly drew up, discovering 
 me, Harry Lorrequer, seated on a small stool before a 
 cracked looking-glass, my only habiliment, as I am an honest 
 man, being a pair of long white silk stockings, and a very 
 richly enbroidered shirt with point lace collar. The shouts 
 of laughter are yet in my ears ; the loud roar of inextinguish- 
 able mirth which after the first brief pause of astonishment 
 gave way, shook the entire building. My recollection may 
 well have been confused at such a moment of unutterable 
 shame and misery ; yet, I clearly remembered seeing Fanny, 
 the sweet Fanny herself, fall into an arm-chair nearly suffo- 
 cated with convulsions of laughter. I cannot go on ; what 
 I did I know not. I suppose my exit was additionally ludi- 
 crous, for a new iclai de rire followed me out. I rushed out 
 of the theatre, and wrapping only my cloak round me, ran 
 without stopping, to the barracks. But I must cease ; these 
 arc woes too sacred for even confessions like mine, so let me 
 close the curtain of my room and my chapter together, and 
 say adieu for a season.
 
 HARR Y LORREQUER. 1 79 
 
 CHAPTER XVII 
 
 THE WAGER. 
 
 It might have been about six weeks after the events 
 detailed in my last chapter had occurred, that Curzon broke 
 suddenly into my room one morning before I had risen, and 
 throwing a precautionary glance around, as if to assure him- 
 self that we were alone, seized my hand with a most unusual 
 earnestness, and steadfastly looking at me, said : 
 
 " Harry Lorrequer, will you stand by me ? " 
 
 So sudden and unexpected was his appearance at the 
 moment, that I really felt but half awake, and kept puzzling 
 myself for an explanation to the scene, rather than thinking 
 of a reply to his question ; perceiving which, and arguing 
 but badly from my silence, he continued : 
 
 " Am I then really deceived in what I believe to be an 
 old and true friend ? " 
 
 " Why, what the devil's the matter ? " I cried out. " If 
 you are in a scrape, why, of course you know I'm your man ; 
 but still, it's only fair to let one know something of the 
 matter in the mean while." 
 
 " In a scrape," said he, with a long drawn sigh, intended 
 to beat the whole Minerva press in its romantic cadence. 
 
 " Well, but get on a bit," said I, rather impatiently; "who 
 is the fellow you've got the row with ? Not one of ours, I 
 trust ? " 
 
 " Ah, my dear Hal," said he, in the same melting tone as 
 before, " how your imagination does run upon rows, and 
 broils, and duelling rencontres," (he, the speaker, be it known 
 to the reader, was the fire-eater of the regiment), " as if life 
 had nothing better to offer than the excitement of a chal- 
 lenge, or the mock heroism of a meeting." 
 
 As he made a dead pause here, after which he showed no 
 disposition to continue, I merely added : 
 
 " Well, at this rate of proceeding we shall get at the matter 
 in hand, on our way out to Corfu, for I hear we are the next 
 regiment for the Mediterranean."
 
 i8o HARK ) ' r.ORkr.Qr !■:/<. 
 
 The observation seemed to have some effect in rousing 
 him from his lethargy, and he added : 
 
 " If you only knew the nature of the attachment, and how 
 completely all my future hopes are concerned upon the 
 issue " 
 
 " Ho ! " said I, " so it's a money affair, is it ? and is it old 
 Watson has issued the writ? I'll bet a hundred." 
 
 " Well, upon my soul, Lorrequer," said he, jumping from 
 his chair, and speaking with more energy than he had before 
 evinced, "you are, without exception, the most worldly- 
 minded, cold-blooded fellow I ever met. What have I said 
 that could have led you to suppose I had either a duel or a 
 lawsuit upon my hands this morning ? Learn, once and for 
 all, man, that I am in love — desperately and over head and 
 ears in love." 
 
 " Et puis? " said I, coolly. 
 
 " And intend to marry immediately." 
 
 " Oh, very well," said I, " the fighting and debt will come 
 later; that's all; But to return— now for the lady." 
 
 " Come, you must make a guess." 
 
 " Why, then, I really must confess my utter inability ; for 
 your attentions have been so generally and impartially dis- 
 tributed since our arrival here that it may be any fair one, 
 from your venerable partner at whist last evening to Mrs. 
 Henderson, the pastry-cook, inclusive, for whose macaroni 
 and cherry-brandy your feelings have been as warm as they 
 are constant." 
 
 " Come, no more quizzing, Hal. You surely must have 
 remarked that lovely girl I waltzed with at Power's ball on 
 Tuesday last." 
 
 " Lovely girl ! Why, in all seriousness, you don't mean 
 the small woman with the tow wig." 
 
 " No, I do not mean any such thing — but a beautiful creat- 
 ure with the brightest locks in Christendom — the very light 
 brown waving ringlets Dominicheno loved to paint, and a 
 foot — did you see her foot ?" 
 
 " No ; that was rather difficult, for she kept continually 
 bobbing up and down, like a boy's cork-float in a fish-pond." 
 
 " Stop there. 1 shall not permit this any longer — I came 
 not here to listen to " 
 
 " I Jut, Curzon, my boy, you're not angry ? " 
 
 " Yes, sir, I am angry." 
 
 " Why, surely, you have not been serious all this time ? "
 
 If A RR i ' L ORREQ, UER. 1 8 1 
 
 " And why not, pray ? " 
 
 "Oh! I don't exactly know — that is, faith, I scarcely, 
 thought you were in earnest, for if I did, of course I should 
 honestly have confessed to you that the lady in question 
 struck me as one of the handsomest persons I ever met." 
 
 " You think so really, Hal ?" 
 
 " Certainly I do, and the opinion is not mine alone ; she 
 is, in fact, universally admired." 
 
 " Come, Harry, excuse my bad temper. I ought to have 
 known you better — give me your hand, old boy, and wish 
 me joy, for with your aiding and abetting she is mine to-mor- 
 row morning." 
 
 I wrung his hand heartily — congratulating myself, mean- 
 while, how happily I had got out of my scrape ; as I now, for 
 the first time, perceived that Curzon was bona fide in earnest. 
 
 " So, you will stand by me, Hal ? " said he. 
 
 " Of course. Only show me how, and I am perfectly at 
 your service. Anything from riding postilion on the leaders 
 to officiating as bridemaid, and I am your man. And if you 
 are in want of such a functionary, I shall stand in loco pa- 
 rentis to the lady, and give her away with as much onction 
 and tenderness as though I had as many marriageable 
 daughters as King Priam himself. It is with me in marriage 
 as in duelling — I'll be anything rather than a principal ; 
 and I have long since disapproved of either method as a 
 means of ' obtaining satisfaction.' " 
 
 " Ah, Harry, I shall not be discouraged by your sneers. 
 You've been rather unlucky, I'm aware ; but now to return. 
 Your office, on this occasion, is an exceeding simple one, 
 and yet that which I could only confide to one as much my 
 friend as yourself. You must carry my dearest Louisa off." 
 
 " Carry her off ? Where ? — when ? — how ? " 
 
 "All that I have already arranged, as you shall hear." 
 
 " Yes. But first of all please to explain why, if going to 
 run away with the lady, you don't accompany her yourself ? " 
 
 " Ah ! I knew you would say that ; I could have laid a 
 wager you'd ask that question, for it is just that very expla- 
 nation will show all the native delicacy and feminine propriety 
 of my darling Loo ; and first, I must tell you, that old Sir 
 Alfred Jonson, her father, has some confounded prejudice 
 against the army, and never would consent to her marriage 
 with a red-coat — so that, his consent being out of the question, 
 our only resource is an elopement.
 
 i 8 1 > //--/ RR ) ' /. ORREQ UKR. 
 
 " Louisa consents to this, but only upon one condition— ^ 
 and this she insists upon so firmly — I had almost said ob- 
 stinately — that, notwithstanding all my arguments and repre- 
 sentations, and even entreaties against it, she remains inflex- 
 ible ; so that I have at length yielded, and she is to have 
 her Qwn way." 
 
 " Well, and what is the condition she lays such stress 
 upon ? " 
 
 " Simply this — that we are never to travel a mile together 
 until I obtain my right to do so, by making her my wife. 
 She has got some trumpery notions in her head that any 
 slight transgression, over the bounds of delicacy, made by 
 women before marriage is ever after remembered by the 
 husband to their disadvantage ; and she is, therefore, re- 
 solved not to sacrifice her principle even at such a crisis as 
 the present." 
 
 " All very proper, I have no doubt; but still, pray explain 
 what I confess appears somewhat strange to me at present. 
 How does so very delicately-minded a person reconcile her- 
 self to travelling with a perfect stranger under such circum- 
 stances ? " 
 
 " That I can explain perfectly to you. You must know 
 that when my darling Loo consented to take this step, which 
 I induced her to do with the greatest difficulty, she made the 
 proviso I have just mentioned ; I at once showed her that I 
 had no maiden aunt or married sister to confide her to at 
 such a moment, and what was to be done ? She immediately 
 replied, ' Have you no elderly brother officer, whose years 
 and discretion will put the transaction in such a light as to 
 silence the slanderous tongues of the world ? for with such a 
 man I am quite ready and willing to trust myself.' You see 
 1 was hard pushed there. What could I do ? — whom could 
 I select? Old Hayes, the paymaster, is always tipsy; Jones 
 is live-and-forty — but still if he found out there were thirty 
 thousand pounds in the case, egad ! I'm not so sure I'd have 
 found my betrothed at the end of the stage. You were 
 my only hope; I knew I could rely upon you. You would 
 carry on the whole affair with tact and discretion ; and as to 
 age your stage experience would enable you, with a little 
 assistance from costume, to pass muster ; besides that, I 
 have always represented you as the very Methuselah of the 
 ( orps : and in the gray dawn of an autumnal morning — with 
 rnaiden bashfulness assisting — the scrutiny is not likely to
 
 HARRY L ORREQ UER. 183 
 
 be a close one. So, now, your consent is alone wanting to 
 complete the arrangements, which, before this time to-mor- 
 row, shall have made me the happiest of mortals." 
 
 Having expressed, in fitting terms, my full sense of obli- 
 gation for the delicate flattery with which he pictured me as 
 "Old Lorrequer " to the lady, I begged a more detailed ac- 
 count of his plan, which I shall shorten for my reader's sake 
 by the following brief expose. 
 
 A post-chaise and four was to be in waiting at five o'clock 
 in the morning to convey me to Sir Alfred Jonson's resi- 
 dence, about twelve miles distant. There I was to be met 
 by a lady at the gate lodge, who was subsequently to accom- 
 pany me to a small village on the Nore, where an old col- 
 lege friend of Curzon's happened to reside as parson, and 
 by whom the treaty was to be concluded. 
 
 This was all simple and clear enough — the only condition 
 necessary to insure success being punctuality, particularly 
 on the lady's part. As to mine, I readily promised my best 
 aid and warmest efforts in my friend's behalf. 
 
 "There is only one thing more," said Curzon. " Louisa's 
 younger brother is a devilish hot-headed, wild sort of a 
 fellow ; and it would be as well, just for precaution's sake, 
 to have your pistols along with you, if, by any chance, he 
 should make out what was going forward — not but that you 
 know if anything serious was to take place, I should be the 
 person to take all that upon my hands." 
 
 " Oh ! of course — I understand," said I. Meanwhile I 
 could not help running over in my mind the pleasant possi- 
 bilities such an adventure presented, heartily wishing that 
 Curzon had been content to marry by banns, or any other of 
 the legitimate modes in use, without risking his friend's bones. 
 The other pros and cons of the matter, with full and accurate 
 directions as to the road to be taken on obtaining possession 
 of the lady, being all arranged, we parted, I to settle my cos- 
 tume and appearance for my first performance in an old man's 
 part, and Curzon to obtain a short leave for a few days from 
 the commanding officer of the regiment. 
 
 When we again met, which was at the mess-table, it was 
 not without evidence on either side of that peculiar conscious- 
 ness which persons feel who have, or think they have, some 
 secret in common, which the world wots not of. Curzon's 
 unusually quick and excited manner would at once have 
 struck any close observer as indicating the eve of some
 
 184 //- > R RY L ORRE Q UER. 
 
 important step, no less than continual allusions to whatever 
 was going on, by sly and equivocal jokes and ambiguous jests. 
 Happily, however, on the present occasion, the part)' were 
 otherwise occupied than watching him, being most profoundly 
 and learnedly engaged in discussing medicine and matters 
 medical with all the acute and accurate knowledge which 
 characterizes such discussions among the non-medical public. 
 
 The present conversation originated from some mention 
 our senior surgeon, Fitzgerald, had just made of a consult- 
 ation which he was invited to attend on the next morning, 
 at the distance of twenty miles, and which necessitated him 
 to start at a most uncomfortably early hour. While he 
 continued to deplore the hard fate of such men as himself, 
 so eagerly sought after by the world that their own hours 
 were eternally broken in upon by external claims, the juniors 
 were not sparing of their mirth on the occasion, at the expense 
 of the .worthy doctor, who, in plain truth, had never been 
 disturbed by a request like the present within any one's 
 memory. Some asserted that the whole thing was a puff, 
 got Up by Fitz himself, who was only going to have a day's 
 partridge-shooting ; others hinted that it was a blind, to 
 escape the vigilance of Mrs. Fitzgerald — a well-known virago 
 in the regiment — while Fitz enjoyed himself ; and a third 
 party, pretending to sympathize with the doctor, suggested 
 that a hundred pounds would be the least he could possibly 
 be offered for such services as his on so grave an occasion. 
 
 " No, no, only fifty," said Fitz, gravely. 
 
 " Fifty ! Why, you tremendous old humbug, you don't 
 mean to say you'll make fifty pounds before we are out of 
 our beds in the morning ? " cried one. 
 
 "I'll take your bet on it," said the doctor, who had, in 
 this instance, reason to suppose his fee would be a large one. 
 
 During this discussion, the claret had been pushed round 
 rather freely ; and fully bent, as 1 was, upon the adventure 
 before me, I had taken my share of it as a preparation. I 
 thought of the amazing prize I was about to be instrumental 
 in securing for my friend — for the lady had really thirty 
 thousand pounds — and I could not conceal my triumph 
 at such a prospect of success in comparison with the 
 meaner object of ambition. They all seemed to envy poor 
 Fitzgerald. I struggled with my secret tor some time — but 
 my pride and the claret together got the better of me, and I 
 called out, " Fifty pounds on it, then, that before ten to-
 
 HARRY LORRROl A A'. 18$ 
 
 morrow morning, I'll make a better hit of it than you — and 
 the mess shall decide between us afterwards as to the 
 winner. 
 
 " And if you will," said I, seeing some reluctance on Fitz's 
 part to take the wager, and getting emboldened in conse- 
 quence, " let the judgment be pronounced over a couple of 
 dozen of champagne, paid by the loser." 
 
 This was a coup d'etat on my part, for I knew at once 
 that there were so many parties to benefit by the bet, ter- 
 minate which way it might, there could be no possibility of 
 evading it. My ruse succeeded, and poor Fitzgerald, fairly 
 badgered into a wager, the terms of which he could not in the 
 least comprehend, was obliged to sign the conditions inserted 
 in the adjutant's note-book — his greatest hope in so doing 
 being in the quantity of wine he had seen me drink during 
 the evening. As for myself, the bet was no sooner made than 
 I began to think upon the very little chance I had of winning 
 it ; for even supposing my success perfect in the department 
 allotted to me, it might with great reason be doubted what 
 peculiar benefit I myself derived as a counterbalance to the 
 fee of the doctor. For this, my only trust lay in the justice 
 of a decision which I conjectured would lean more toward' 
 the goodness of a practical joke than the equity of the trans- 
 action. The party at mess soon after separated, and I wished 
 my friend good-night for the last time before meeting him as 
 a bridegroom. 
 
 I arranged everything in order for my start. My pistol- 
 case I placed conspicuously before me, to avoid being for- 
 gotten in the haste of departure ; and having ordered my 
 servant to sit up all night in the guard-room until he heard 
 the carriage at the barrack-gate, threw myself on my bed, 
 but not to sleep. The adventure I was about to engage in 
 suggested to my mind a thousand associations, into which 
 many of the scenes I have already narrated entered. I 
 thought how frequently I had myself been on the verge of 
 that state which Curzon was about to try, and how it always 
 happened that when nearest to success, failure had intervened. 
 From my very school-boy days my love adventures had 
 the same unfortunate abruptness in their issue; and there 
 seemed to be something very like a fatality in the invariable 
 unsuccess of my efforts at marriage. I feared, too, that my 
 friend Curzon had placed himself in very unfortunate hands 
 — if augury were to be relied upon. Something will surely
 
 1 86 HA RR V L ORkEQ I 'RR. 
 
 happen, thought I, from my confounded ill-luck, and all will 
 be blown up. Wearied at last with thinking, I fell into a 
 sound sleep for about three-quarters of an hour, at the end of 
 which I was awoke by my servant informing me that a chaise 
 and four were drawn up at the end of Barrack Lane. 
 
 " Why, surely, they are too early, Stubbes ? It's only four 
 o'clock." 
 
 " Yes, sir ; but they say that the road for eight miles is 
 very bad, and they must go it almost at a walk." 
 
 That is certainly pleasant, thought I ; but I'm in for it 
 now, so can't help it. 
 
 In a few minutes 1 was up and dressed, and so perfectly 
 transformed by the addition of a brown scratch-wig and 
 large green spectacles, and a deep-flapped waistcoat, that 
 my servant, on re-entering my room, could not recognize me. 
 I followed him now across the barrack-yard, as with my 
 pistol-case under one arm and a lantern in his hand he pro- 
 ceeded to the barrack-gate. 
 
 As I passed beneath the adjutant's window I saw a light 
 — the sash was quickly thrown open, and Curzon appeared. 
 
 "Is that you, Harry ? " 
 
 " Yes — when do you start ? " 
 
 "In about two hours. I've only eight miles to go — you 
 have upward of twelve, and no time to lose. God bless you, 
 my boy — we'll meet soon." 
 
 " Here's the carriage, sir, this way." 
 
 " Well, my lads, you know the road, I suppose ? " 
 
 " Every inch of it, your honor's glory ; we're always com- 
 ing it for doctors and 'pothecaries ; they're never a week 
 without them." 
 
 I was soon seated, the door clapped to, and the words " all 
 right " given, and away we went. 
 
 Little as I had slept during the night, my mind was too 
 much occupied with the adventure I was engaged in to 
 permit any thoughts of sleep now, so that I had abundant 
 opportunity afforded me of pondering over all the bearings 
 of the case, with much more of deliberation and caution 
 than I had yet bestowed upon it. ( )ne thing was certain, 
 whether success did or did not attend our undertaking, the 
 risk was mine and mine only ; and if by any accident the 
 affair should be already known to the family, I stood a very 
 fair chance oi being shot by one of the sons, or stoned to 
 death by the tenantry ; while my excellent friend Curzon
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 187 
 
 should be eating his breakfast with his reverend friend, and 
 only interrupting himself in his fourth muffin to wonder 
 " what could keep them ; " and besides, for minor miseries 
 will, like the little devils in Don Giovanni, thrust up their 
 heads among their better-grown brethren, my fifty pound bet 
 looked rather blue ; for even under the most favorable light 
 considered, however Curzon might be esteemed a gainer, it 
 might be well doubted how far I had succeeded better than 
 the doctor, when producing his fee in evidence. Well, 
 well, I'm in for it now; but certainly it is strange, all these 
 very awkward circumstances never struck me so forcibly 
 before ; and after all it was not quite fair of Curzon to put 
 any man forward in such a transaction; the more so as such 
 a representation might be made of it at the Horse Guards 
 as to stop a man's promotion, or seriously affect his pros- 
 pects for life, and I at last began to convince myself that 
 many a man so placed would carry the lady off himself, and 
 leave the adjutant to settle the affair with the family. For 
 two mortal hours did I conjure up every possible dis- 
 agreeable contingency that might arise. My being mulcted 
 of my fifty and laughed at by the mess seemed inevitable, 
 even were I fortunate enough to escape a duel with the fire- 
 eating brother. Meanwhile a thick misty rain continued to 
 fall, adding so much to the darkness of the early hour, that 
 I could see nothing of the country about me, and knew 
 nothing of where I was. 
 
 Troubles are like laudanum, a small dose only excites, a 
 strong one sets you to sleep — not a very comfortable sleep 
 mayhap — but still it is sleep, and often very sound sleep ; 
 so it now happened with me. I had pondered over, weighed 
 and considered all the pros, cons, turnings and windings of 
 this awkward predicament, till I had fairly convinced my- 
 self that I was on the high-road to a confounded scrape ; 
 and then having established that fact to my entire satisfac- 
 tion, I fell comfortably back in the chaise, and sunk into 
 a most profound slumber. 
 
 If to any of my readers I may appear here to have taken 
 a very despondent view of this whole affair, let him only call 
 to mind my invariable ill-luck in such matters, and always 
 how it had been my lot to see myself on the fair road to 
 success, only up to that point at which it is certain, besides 
 — but why explain ? These are my Confessions. I may 
 not alter what are matters of fact, and my reader must only
 
 i88 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 take me with all the imperfections of wrong motives and 
 headlong impulses upon my head, or abandon me at once. 
 
 Meanwhile the chaise rolled along, and the road being 
 better and the pace faster, my sleep became more easy ; 
 thus, about an hour and a half, after 1 had fallen asleep, 
 passed rapidly over, when the sharp turning of an angle 
 disturbed me from my leaning position and 1 awoke. I 
 started up and rubbed my eyes ; several seconds elapsed be- 
 fore I could think where I was or whither going. Conscious- 
 ness at last came, and I perceived that we were driving up a 
 thickly planted avenue. Why, confound it, they can't have 
 mistaken it, thought I, or are we really going up to the house, 
 instead of waiting at the lodge ? I at once lowered the 
 sash, and stretching out my head, cried out, " Do you know 
 what ye are about, lads ; is this all right ? " but, unfortunately, 
 amid the rattling of the gravel and the clatter of the horses, 
 my words were unheard ; and thinking I was addressing a 
 request to go faster, the villains cracked their whips, and 
 breaking into a full gallop, before five minutes flew over, 
 they drew up with a jerk at the foot of a long portico to a 
 large and spacious cut-stone mansion. When I rallied from 
 the sudden check, which had nearly thrown me through the 
 window, I gave myself up for lost ; here I was at a vis-a-vis to 
 the very hall door of the man whose daughter ! was about 
 to elope with, whether so placed by the awkwardness and 
 blundering of the wretches who drove me, or delivered up 
 by their treachery, it mattered not, my fate seemed certain ; 
 before I had time to determine upon any line of acting in 
 this confounded dilemma, the door was jerked open by a 
 servant in a sombre livery, who, protruding his head and 
 shoulders into the chaise, looked at me steadily for a 
 moment, and said, " Ah ! then, doctor darlin', but ye're 
 welcome." With the speed with which sometimes the bar 
 of an air long since heard, or the passing glance of an old 
 familiar face can call up the memory of our very earliest 
 childhood, bright and vivid before us, so that one single 
 phrase explained the entire mystery of my present position, 
 and I saw in one rapid glance that I had got into the chaise 
 intended for Dr. Fitzgerald, and was absolutely at that 
 moment before the hall door of the patient. My first 
 impulse was an honest one, to avow the mistake and retrace 
 my steps, taking my chance to settle with Curzon, whose 
 matrimonial scheme I foresaw was doomed to the untimely
 
 //.•/ RR J ' / ORREQUER. 189 
 
 fate of all those I had ever been concerned in. My next 
 thought, how seldom is the adage true which says " that 
 second thoughts are best," was upon my luckless wager, for, 
 even supposing that Fitzgerald should follow me in the 
 other chaise, yet as I had the start of him, if I could only 
 pass muster for half an hour, I might secure the fee and 
 evacuate the territory ; besides that there was a great 
 chance of Fitz's having gone on my errand, while I was 
 journeying 01; his- in which case I should be safe from in- 
 terruption. Meanwhile, heaven only could tell what his in- 
 terference in poor Curzon's business might not involve. 
 These serious reflections took about ten seconds to pass 
 through my mind as the grave-looking old servant proceeded 
 to encumber himself with my cloak and my pistol-case, 
 remarking, as he lifted the latter, " And may the Lord grant 
 you won't want the instruments this time, doctor, for they 
 say he is better this morning." Heartily wishing amen to 
 the benevolent prayer of the honest domestic, for more 
 reasons than one, I descended leisurely, as I conjectured a 
 doctor ought to do, from the chaise, and with a solemn pace 
 and grave demeanor followed him into the house. 
 
 In the small parlor to which I was ushered sat two gentle- 
 men somewhat advanced in years, who I rightly supposed 
 were my medical confreres. One of these was a tall, pale, 
 ascetic-looking man, with gray hair and retreating forehead, 
 slow in speech and lugubrious in demeanor. The other, 
 his antithesis, was a short, rosy-cheeked, apoplectic-looking 
 subject ; with a laugh like a suffocating wheeze, and a paunch 
 like an alderman ; his quick, restless eye and full nether lip 
 denoting more of the bonvivantXhaxi. the abstemious disciple 
 of Esculapius. A moment's glance satisfied me that if I had 
 only these to deal with, I was safe, for I saw that they were 
 of that stamp of country practitioner, half-physician, half- 
 apothecary, who rarely come in contact with the higher 
 orders of their art, and then only to be dictated to, obey, and 
 grumble. 
 
 " 1 )octor, may I beg to intrude myself, Mr. Phipps, on your 
 notice ? Dr. Phipps or Mr., it's all one ; but I have only a 
 licence in pharmacy, though they call me doctor." 
 
 "Surgeon Riley, sir; a very respectable practitioner," said 
 he, waving his hand toward his rubicund confrere. 
 
 I at once expressed the great happiness it afforded me to 
 meet such highly informed and justly celebrated gentlemen ;
 
 1 9 o HA R RY LO R R E Q ( 'ER. 
 
 and fearing every moment the arrival of the real Simon Pure 
 should cover me with shame and disgrace, begged they would 
 afford me, as soon as possible, some history of the case we 
 were concerned for. They accordingly proceeded to ex- 
 pound, in a species of duet, some curious particulars of an 
 old gentleman, who had the evil fortune to have them for 
 his doctors, and who labored under some swelling of the 
 neck, which they differed as to the treatment of, and in con- 
 sequence of which the aid of a third party (myself, God 
 bless the mark !) was requested. 
 
 As I could by no means divest myself of the fear of Fitz's 
 arrival, I pleaded the multiplicity of my professional engage- 
 ments as a reason for at once seeing the patient ; upon which 
 I was conducted upstairs by my two brethren, and intro- 
 duced into a half-lighted chamber. In a large easy-chair 
 sat a florid-looking old man, with a face in which pain and 
 habitual ill-temper had combined to absorb every expression. 
 
 " This is the doctor of the regiment, sir, that you desired 
 to see," said my tall coadjutor. 
 
 " Oh ! then, very well ; good-morning, sir. I suppose you 
 will find out something new the matter, for them two there 
 have been doing so every day this two months." 
 
 " I trust, sir," I replied, stiffly, " that with the assistance 
 of my learned friends, much may be done for you. Ha! 
 Hem ! so this is the malady. Turn your head a little to that 
 side," here an awful groan escaped the sick man, for I, it 
 appears, had made considerable impression upon rather a 
 delicate part, not unintentionally I must confess; for as I re- 
 membered Hoyle's maxim at whist, " When in doubt play a 
 trump," so I thought it might be true in physic, when posed 
 by a difficulty to do a bold thing also. " Does that hurt you, 
 sir? "said I, in a soothing and affectionate tone of voice. 
 " Like the devil," growled the patient. ""And here ?" said 
 I. "Oh! oh! I can't bear it any longer." "Oh! I per- 
 ceive," said 1, " the thing is just as I expected." Here I 
 raised my eyebrows, and looked indescribably wise at my 
 confreres. 
 
 "No aneurism, doctor," said the tall one. 
 
 " ( 'ertainly not." 
 
 " Maybe," said the short man, " maybe it's a stay-at-home- 
 with-us tumor after all ; " so at least he appeared to pro- 
 nounce a confounded technical, which I afterward learned 
 was " steatomatous." Conceiving that my rosy friend was
 
 If, I RR i ' L ORREQ UER. 1 9 1 
 
 disposed to jeer at me, I gave him a terrific frown, and re- 
 sumed : " This must not be touched." 
 
 " So you won't operate upon it," said the patient. 
 
 " I would not take a thousand pounds and do so," I re- 
 plied. " Now, if you please, gentlemen," said I, making a 
 step toward the door, as if to withdraw for consultation, upon 
 which they accompanied me downstairs to the breakfast- 
 room. As it was the only time in my life I had performed 
 in this character, I had some doubts as to the propriety of in- 
 dulging a very hearty breakfast appetite, not knowing if it 
 were unprofessional to eat ; but from this doubt my learned 
 friends speedily relieved me, by the entire devotion which 
 they bestowed for about twenty minutes upon ham, rolls, 
 eggs, and cutlets, barely interrupting these important oc- 
 cupations by sly allusions to the old gentleman's malady 
 and his chance of recovery. 
 
 " Well, doctor," said the pale one, as at length he rested 
 from his labors, " what are we to do ?" 
 
 " Ay," said the other, " there's the question." 
 
 "Goon," said I, "go on as before; I can't advise you 
 better." Now, this was a deep stroke of mine; for up to 
 the present moment I "did not know what treatment they 
 were practicing ; but it looked a shrewd thing to guess it, 
 and it certainly was civil to approve of it. 
 
 " So you think that will be best? " 
 
 " I'm certain — I know nothing better," I answered. 
 
 " Well, I'm sure, sir, we have every reason to be gratified 
 for the very candid manner in which you have treated us. 
 Sir, I'm your most obedient servant," said the fat one. 
 
 " Gentlemen, both your good healths and professional suc- 
 cess also ; " here I swallowed a petitverre of brandy ; thinking 
 all the while there were worse things than the practice of 
 physic. 4 
 
 " I hope you are not going," said one, as my chaise drew 
 up at the door. 
 
 " Business calls me," said I, "and I can't help it." 
 
 " Could nor you manage to see our friend here again, in a 
 day or two ? " said the rosy one. 
 
 "I fear it will be impossible," replied I ; "besides I have 
 a notion he may not desire it." 
 
 " I have been commissioned to hand you this," said the 
 tall doctor, with a half sigh, as he put a check into my 
 hand.
 
 U)j II AR AT LORREQtJER. 
 
 I bowed slightly, and stuffed the crumpled paper with a 
 half-careless air into my waistcoat pocket, and wishing them 
 both every species of happiness and success, shook hands 
 four times with each and drove off ; never believing myself 
 safe till I saw the gate-lodge behind me, and felt myselt 
 flying on the road to Kilkenny at about twelve miles Irish 
 an hour. 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 THE ELOPEMENT. 
 
 It was past two o'clock when I reached the town. On 
 entering the barrack-yard, I perceived a large group ol 
 officers chatting together, and every moment breaking into 
 immoderate fits of laughter. Invent over, and immediately 
 learned the source of their mirth, which was this : No soonei 
 had it been known that Fitzgerald was about to go to a dis- 
 tance, on a professional call, than a couple of young officers 
 laid their heads together, and wrote an anonymous note to 
 Mrs. Fitz, who was the very dragon of jealous}, informing 
 her that her husband had feigned the whole history of the 
 patient and consultation as an excuse for absenting himself 
 on an excursion of gallantry ; and that if she wished to satisfy 
 herself of the truth of the statement she had only to follow 
 him in the morning, and detect his entire scheme; the object 
 of these amiable friends being to give poor Mrs. Fitz a twenty 
 miles' jaunt, and confront her with her injured husband at the 
 end of it. 
 
 Having a mind actively alive to suspicions of this nature, 
 the worthy w \nan made all her arrangements for a start, and 
 scarcely was the chaise and four, with her husband, out of 
 the town, than she was on the track of it, with a heart burst 
 ing with jealousy, and vowing vengeance to the knife against 
 all concerned in this scheme to wrong her. 
 
 So far the plan of her persecutors had perfectly succeeded . 
 they saw In r depart on a trip of, as they supposed, twenty 
 miles, and their whole notions of the practical joke were 
 limited to the eVlaircissement that must ensue at the end 
 Fittle. however, were they aware how much more nearly the 
 suspected crime was the position of the poor doctor to turn 
 out ; for, as by one blunder 1 had taken his chaise, so he,
 
 HA RR Y L ORREQ UER. 1 9 3 
 
 without any inquiry whatever, had got into the one intended 
 for me, and never awoke from a most refreshing slumber till 
 shaken by the shoulder by the postilion, who whispered in his 
 ear, " Here we are, sir : this is the gate." 
 
 " But why stop at the gate ? Drive up the avenue, my 
 boy." 
 
 " His honor told me, sir, not for the world to go further 
 than the lodge : nor to make as much noise as a mouse." 
 
 " Ah ! very true. He may be ver)- irritable, poor man ! 
 Well, stop here, and I'll get out." 
 
 Just as the doctor had reached the ground, a very smart- 
 looking soubrette tripped up and said to him : 
 
 " Beg pardon, sir ; but you are the gentleman from the bar- 
 rack, sir ? " 
 
 " Yes, my dear," said Fitz, with a knowing look at the 
 pretty face of the damsel, " what can I do for you ? " 
 
 " Why, sir, my mistress is here in the shrubbery ; but she 
 is so nervous, and so frightened, I don't know how she'll go 
 through it." 
 
 " Ah ! she's frightened, poor thing ; is she ? Oh ! she must 
 keep up her spirits ; while there's life there's hope." 
 
 "Sir." 
 
 " I say, my darling, she must not give way. I'll speak to 
 her a little. Is not he rather advanced in life ? " 
 
 " Oh ! Lord ! no, sir. Only two-and-thirty, my mistress 
 tells me." 
 
 " Two-and-thirty ! Why, I thought he was above sixty." 
 
 " Above sixty! Law ! sir. You have a bright fancy. This 
 is the gentleman, ma'am. Now, sir, I'll just slip aside for a 
 moment, and let you talk to her." 
 
 " I am grieved, ma'am, that I have not the happiness to 
 make your acquaintance under happier circumstances." 
 
 " I must confess, sir — though I am ashamed — — " 
 
 " Never be ashamed, ma'am. Your grief, although I trust 
 causeless, does you infinite honor. Upon my soul, she is 
 rather pretty," said the doctor to himself, here. 
 
 " Well, sir, as I have the most perfect confidence in you, 
 from all I have heard of you, I trust you will not think me 
 abrupt in saying that any longer delay here is dangerous." 
 
 " Dangerous ! Is he in so critical a state as that then ? " 
 
 " Critical a state, sir ! Why, what do you mean ? " 
 
 " I mean, ma'am, do you think, then, it must be done to- 
 day ? " 
 
 l 3
 
 194 HARRY LOR RENTER. 
 
 " Of course I do, sir, and I shall never leave the spot with- 
 out your assuring me of it." 
 
 " Oh ! in that case make your mind easy. I have the in- 
 struments in the chaise." 
 
 " The instruments in the chaise ! Really, sir, if you are 
 not jesting — I trust you don't think this a fitting time for 
 such — I entreat of you to speak more plainly and intel- 
 ligibly." 
 
 " Jesting, ma'am ! I'm incapable of jesting at such a 
 moment." 
 
 " Ma'am ! ma'am ! I see one of the rangers, ma'am, at a 
 distance ; so don't lose a moment, but get into the chaise at 
 once." 
 
 " Well, sir, let us away ; for I have now gone too far to 
 retract." 
 
 " Help my mistress into the chaise, sir. Lord ! what a 
 man he is." 
 
 A moment more saw the poor doctor seated beside the 
 young lady, while the postilions plied whip and spur with 
 their best energy ; and the road flew beneath them. Mean- 
 while the delay caused by this short dialogue enabled .Mrs. 
 Fitz's slower conveyance to come up with the pursuit, and 
 her chaise had just turned the angle of the road as she caught 
 a glimpse of a muslin dress stepping into the carriage with 
 her husband. 
 
 There are no words capable of conveying the faintest idea 
 of the feelings that agitated Mrs. Fitz at this moment. The 
 fullest confirmation to her worst fears was before her eyes — 
 just at the very instant when a doubt was beginning to cross 
 over her mind that it might have been merely a hoax that 
 was practised on her, and that the worthy doctor was inno- 
 cent and blameless. As for the poor doctor himself, there 
 seemed little chance of his being enlightened as to the real 
 state of matters ; for from the moment the young lady had 
 taken her place in the chaise, she had buried her face in her 
 hands, and sobbed continually. Meanwhile he concluded 
 that they were approaching the house by some back entrance 
 to avoid noise and confusion, and waited with due patience 
 for the journey's end. 
 
 As, however, her grief continued unabated, Fitz at length 
 began to think of the many little consolatory acts he had 
 successfully practised in his professional career, and was 
 just insinuating some very tender speech on the score of
 
 //. I A' A' V LOKRKQUEK. 195 
 
 resignation, his head inclined toward the weeping lady be- 
 side him, when the chaise of Mrs. Fitz came up alongside, 
 and the postilions having yielded to the call to halt, drew 
 suddenly up, displaying to the enraged wife the tableau we 
 have mentioned. 
 
 " So, wretch," she screamed rather than spoke, " I have 
 detected you at last." 
 
 " Lord bless me ! Why, it is my wife." 
 
 "Yes, villain! your injured, much-wronged wife! And 
 you, madam, may I ask what you have to say for thus elop- 
 ing with a married man ? " 
 
 " Shame ! My dear Jemima," said Fitz, " how can you 
 possibly permit your foolish jealousy so far to blind your 
 reason ? Don't you see I am going upon a professional 
 call ? " 
 
 "Oh! you are, are you? Quite professional, I'll be 
 bound ! " 
 
 " Oh, sir ! oh, madam ! I beseech you, save me from the 
 anger of my relatives, and the disgrace of exposure. Pray, 
 bring me back at once." 
 
 " Why, my God, ma'am, what do you mean ? You are not 
 gone mad, as well as my wife." 
 
 " Really, Mr. Fitz," says Mrs. F., " this is carrying the 
 joke too far. Take your unfortunate victim — as I suppose 
 she is such — home to her parents, and prepare to accom- 
 pany me to the barrack; and if there be law and justice, 
 in " 
 
 " Well ! may the Lord in His mercy preserve my senses, or 
 you will both drive me clean mad." 
 
 " Oh, dear ! Oh, dear," sobbed the young lady, while 
 Mrs. Fitzgerald continued to upbraid at the top of her 
 voice, heedless of the disclaimers and protestations of inno- 
 cence poured out with the eloquence of despair by the poor 
 doctor. Matters were in this state, when a man, dressed in 
 a fustian jacket, like a groom, drove up to the side of the 
 road in a tax cart ; he immediately got down, and tearing 
 open the door of the doctor's chaise, lifted out the young 
 lady, and deposited her safely in his own conveyance, merely 
 adding, 
 
 " I say, master, you're in luck this morning, that Mr. 
 William took the lower road ; for if he had come up with 
 you, instead of me, he'd blow the roof off your skull, that's 
 all."
 
 1 96 HA RR Y U yfi/CEQl '/-.'A'. 
 
 While these highly satisfactory words were being addressed 
 to poor Fitz, Mrs. Fitzgerald had removed from her car- 
 riage to that of her husband, perhaps preferring four horses 
 to two ; or perhaps she had still some unexplained views of 
 the transaction, which might as well be told on the road 
 homeward. 
 
 Whatever might have been the nature of Mrs. F.'s disser- 
 tation, nothing is known. The chaise containing these 
 turtle doves arrived late at night at Kilkenny, and Fitz was 
 installed safely in his quarters before any one knew of his 
 having come back. The following morning he was reported 
 ill ; and for three weeks he was but once seen, and that time 
 only at his window, with a flannel night-cap on his head, 
 looking particularly pale, and rather dark under one eye. 
 
 As for Curzon — the last thing known of him that luckless 
 morning was his hiring a post-chaise for the Royal Oak, from 
 whence he posted to Dublin, and hastened on to England. 
 In a few days we learned that the adjutant had exchanged 
 into a regiment in Canada ; and to this hour there are not 
 three men in the — th who know the real secret of that morn- 
 ing's misadventures. 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 DETACHMENT DUTV AN ASSIZE TOWN. 
 
 As there appeared to be but little prospect of poor Fitzgerald 
 ever requiring any explanation from me as to the events of 
 that morning, for he feared to venture from his room, lest 
 he might be recognized and prosecuted for abduction, 1 
 thought it better to keep my own secret also ; and it was 
 therefore with a feeling of anything but regret that I received 
 an order which, under other circumstances, would have ren- 
 dered me miserable — to march on detachment duty. To any 
 one at all conversant with the life we lead in the army, I 
 need not say how unpleasant such a change usually is. To 
 surrender your capital mess, with all its well appointed 
 equipments — your jovial brother officers — your West India 
 Madeira — your cool Lafitte — your daily, hourly, and half- 
 hourly flirtations with the whole female population — never 
 a deficient one in a garrison town — not to speak of your
 
 HARRY LORREQWER. 197 
 
 matches at trotting, coursing, and pigeon shooting, and a 
 hundred other delectable modes of getting over the ground 
 through life, till it please your ungrateful country and the 
 Horse Guards to make you a major-general — to surrender 
 all these, I say, for the noise, dust, and damp disagreeables 
 of a country inn, with bacon to eat, whisky to drink, and the 
 priest, or the constabulary chief, to get drunk with — I speak 
 of Ireland here— and your only affair par amours being the 
 occasional ogling of the apothecary's daughter opposite, as 
 often as she visits the shop, in the soi-disant occupation of 
 measuring out garden seeds and senna. These are, indeed, 
 the exchanges with a difference, for which there is no com- 
 pensation ; and, for my own part, I never went upon such 
 duty, that I did not exclaim with the honest Irishman, when 
 the mail went over him, " Oh, Lord ! what is this for ? " 
 — firmly believing that in the earthly purgatory of such 
 duties I was reaping the heavy retribution attendant on past 
 offenses. 
 
 Besides, from being rather a crack man in my corps, I 
 thought it somewhat hard that my turn for such duty should 
 come round about twice as often as that of my brother 
 officers ; but so it is — I never knew a fellow a little smarter 
 than his neighbors that was not pounced upon by his colonel 
 for a victim. Now, however, I looked at these matters in a 
 very different light. To leave head-quarters was to escape 
 being questioned ; while there was scarcely any post to which 
 I could be sent where something strange or adventurous might 
 not turn up, and serve me to erase the memory of the past, 
 and turn the attention of my companions in any quarter 
 rather than toward myself. 
 
 My orders on the present occasion were to march to Clon- 
 mel, from whence I was to proceed a short distance to the 
 house of a magistrate, upon whose information, transmitted 
 to the Chief Secretary, the present assistance of a military 
 party had been obtained ; and not without every appearance 
 of reason. The assizes of the town were about to be held, 
 and many capital offences stood for trial in the calendar; and 
 as it was strongly rumored that, in the event of certain con- 
 victions being obtained, a rescue would be attempted, a 
 general attack upon the town seemed a too natural con- 
 sequence; and if so, the house of so obnoxious a person as 
 him I have alluded to would be equally certain of being 
 assailed. Such, at least, is too frequently the history of such
 
 iqS harry lorrequer. 
 
 scenes ; beginning with no one definite object — sometimes a 
 slight one — more ample views and wider conceptions of mis- 
 chief follow; and what has begun in a drunken riot — a 
 casual rencontre — may terminate in the slaughter of a family 
 or the burning of a village. The finest peasantry — God bless 
 them! — are a vif people, and quicker at taking a hint than 
 most others, and have, withal, a natural taste for fighting, that 
 no acquired habits of other nations can pretend to vie with. 
 As the worthy person to whose house I was now about to 
 proceed was, and if I am rightly informed is, rather a re- 
 markable character in the local history of Irish politics, I 
 may as well say a few words concerning him. Mr. Joseph 
 Larkins, Esq., — -(for so he signed himself) — had only been 
 lately elevated to the bench of magistrates. He was origin- 
 ally one of that large but intelligent class called in Ireland 
 "small farmers," remarkable chiefly for a considerable tact 
 in driving hard bargains — a great skill in wethers— a rather 
 national dislike to pay all species of imposts, whether par- 
 taking of the nature of tax, title, grand jury cess, or anything 
 of that nature whatsoever. So very accountable — I had 
 almost said (for I have been long quartered in Ireland), so 
 very laudable, a propensity, excited but little of surprise or 
 astonishment in his neighbors, the majority of whom enter- 
 tain very similar views — none, however, possessing anything 
 like the able and lawyer-like ability of the worthy Larkins, 
 for the successful evasion of these inroads upon the liberty 
 of the subject. Such, in fact, was his talent, and so great 
 his success in this respect, that he had established what, if 
 it did not exactly amount to a statute of exemption in law, 
 served equally well in reality ; and for several years he en- 
 joyed a perfect immunity on the subject of money-paying in 
 general. I lis " little houldin','' as he unostentatiously called 
 some five hundred acres of bog, mountain, and sheep-walk, 
 lay in a remote part of the county, the roads were nearly im- 
 passable for several miles in that direction, and was of little 
 value ; the agent was a timid man with a large family ; of 
 three tithe proctors who had penetrated into the forbidden 
 territory, two labored under a dyspepsia for life, not being 
 able to digest parchment and sealing-wax, for they usually 
 dined on their own writs, and the third gave five pounds out 
 of his pocket to a large. Eresh-looking man, with brown 
 whiskers and beard, that concealed him two nights in a hay- 
 loft to escape the vengeance of the people, which act of phil-
 
 11 A RR Y L ORR/'.Q I 'F,R. 1 99 
 
 anthropy should never be forgotten, if some ill-natured 
 people were not bold enough to say that the kind individual 
 in question was no other man than 
 
 However this may be, true it is that this was the last at- 
 tempt made to bring within the responsibilities of the law so 
 refractory a subject ; and so powerful is habit, that, although 
 he was to be met with at every market and cattle-fair in the 
 countv, an arrest of his person was no more contemplated 
 than if he enjoyed the privilege of Parliament to go at large 
 without danger. 
 
 When the country became disturbed, and nightly meetings 
 of the peasantry were constantly held, followed by outrages 
 against life and property to the most frightful extent, the 
 usual resources of the law were employed unavailing])-. It 
 was in vain to offer high rewards. Approvers could not be 
 found ; and so perfectly organized were the secret associa- 
 tions, that few beyond the very ringleaders knew anything of 
 consequence to communicate. Special commissioners were 
 sent down from Dublin ; additional police force, detach- 
 ments of military ; long correspondence took place between 
 the magistracy and the government — but all in vain. The 
 disturbances continued ; and at last to such a height had they 
 arisen, that the country was put under martial law ; and 
 even this was ultimately found perfectly insufficient to 
 repel what now daily threatened to become an open rebellion 
 rather than mere agrarian disturbance. It was at this pre- 
 cise moment, when all resources seemed to be fast exhausting 
 themselves, that certain information reached the Castle, of 
 the most important nature. The individual who obtained 
 and transmitted it had perilled his life in so doing — but the 
 result was a great one — no less than the capital conviction 
 and execution of seven of the most influential among the 
 disaffected peasantry. Confidence was at once shaken in the 
 secrecy of their associates ; distrust and suspicion followed. 
 Many of the boldest sunk beneath the fear of betrayal, and 
 themselves became evidence for the crown ; and in five 
 months, a county shaken with midnight meetings, and blazing 
 with insurrectionary fires, became almost the most tranquil 
 in its province. It may well be believed that he who ren- 
 dered this important service on this trying emergency could 
 not be passed over, and the name of J. Larkins soon after 
 appeared in the Gazette as one of his majesty's justices of 
 the peace for the county ; pretty much in the same spirit in
 
 200 harry lorr/\h-/:r. 
 
 which a country gentleman converts the greatest poacher in 
 his neighborhood by making him his gamekeeper. 
 
 In person he was a large and powerfully built man, con- 
 siderably above six feet in height, and possessing great 
 activity, combined with powers of enduring fatigue almost 
 incredible. With an eye like a hawk, and a heart that never 
 knew fear, he - was the person, of all others, calculated to 
 strike terror into the minds of the country people. The 
 reckless daring with which he threw himself into danger — 
 the almost impetuous quickness with which he followed up 
 a scent, whenever information reached him of an important 
 character — had their full effect upon a people who, long ac- 
 customed to the slowness and the uncertainty of the law, were 
 almost paralyzed at beholding the detection and punishment 
 follow on crime, as certainly as the thunder-crash follows the 
 lightning. 
 
 His great instrument for this purpose was the obtaining 
 information from sworn members of the secret societies, and 
 whose names never appeared in the course of a trial or pros- 
 ecution, until the measure of their iniquity was completed, 
 when they usually received a couple of hundred pounds blood- 
 money, as it was called, with which they took themselves 
 away to America or Australia — their lives being only secured 
 while they remained by the shelter afforded them in the 
 magistrate's own house. And so it happened that constantly 
 there numbered from ten to twelve of these wretches, inmates 
 of his family, each of whom had the burden of participation 
 in one murder at least, waiting for an opportunity to leave 
 the country, unnoticed and unwatched. 
 
 Such a frightful and unnatural state of things can hardly 
 be conceived ; and yet, shocking as it was, it was a relief to 
 that which led to it. I have dwelt, perhaps, too long upon 
 this painful subject ; but let my reader now accompany me 
 a little further, and the scene shall be changed. Does he see 
 that long, low, white house with a tall, steep roof, perforated 
 with innumerable narrow windows. There are a few strag- 
 gling beech trees, upon a low, bleak-looking field before the 
 house, which is called, par t\\<-r//,//<;\ 1 lie lawn ; a pig or two, 
 some geese, and a tethered goat are, here and there, musing 
 over the state of Ireland, while some rosy, curly-headed, 
 noisy, and bare-legged urchins are gambolling before the 
 dour. This is the dwelling of the wprshipful justipe to which 
 myself and my party were now approaching, with that degree
 
 If A RR V L ORREQ UER. 2 o I 
 
 of activity which attends on most marches of twenty miles, 
 under the oppressive closeness of a day in autumn. Fatigued 
 and tired as I was, yet I could not enter the little inclosuie 
 before the house without stopping for a moment to admire 
 the view before me. A large tract of rich country, undulat- 
 ing on every side, and teeming with corn fields, in all the 
 yellow gold of ripeness ; here and there, almost hid by small 
 clumps of ash and alder, were scattered some cottages, from 
 which the blue smoke rose in a curling column into the calm 
 evening's sky. All was graceful, and beautifully tranquil ; 
 and you might have selected the picture as emblematic of 
 that happiness and repose we so constantly associate with our 
 ideas of the country ; and yet, before that sun had even set, 
 which now gilded the landscape, its glories would be replaced 
 by the lurid glare of nightly incendiarism, and — but here, fortu- 
 nately for my reader, and perhaps myself, I am interrupted in 
 my meditations by a rich, mellifluous accent saying, in the 
 true Doric of the South : 
 
 " Mr. Lorrequer ! you're welcome to Curryglass, sir. 
 You've had a hot day for your march. Maybe you'd take a 
 taste .of sherry before dinner ? Well, then, we'll not wait for 
 Molowny, but order it up at once." 
 
 So saying, I was ushered into a long, low drawing-room, 
 in which were collected together about a dozen men, to whom 
 I was specially and severally presented, and among whom I 
 was happy to find my boarding-house acquaintance, Mr. 
 Daly, who, with the others, had arrived that same day for 
 the assizes, and who were all members of the legal profession, 
 either barristers, attorneys, or clerks of the peace. 
 
 The hungry aspect of the convives, no less than the speed 
 with which dinner made its appearance after my arrival, 
 showed me that my coming was only waited for to complete 
 the party — the Mr. Molowny, before alluded to, being un- 
 animously voted present. The meal itself had but slight 
 pretensions to elegance ; there were neither vol au vents* nor 
 croquettes; neither were there poulets aux truffles, nor cotel- 
 lettes a la soubise ; but in their place stood a lordly fish of 
 some five-and-twenty pounds weight, a massive sirloin, with 
 all the usual armament of fowls, ham, pigeon-pie, beefsteak, 
 etc., lying in rather a promiscuous order along either side of 
 the table. The party were evidently disposed to be satisfied, 
 and, 1 acknowledge, I did not prove an exception to the 
 learned individuals about me, either in my relish for good
 
 202 HA RR ) ■ LORREQUER. 
 
 things, or my appetite to enjoy them. Duke est desipere in 
 loco, says some one, by which I suppose is meant that a 
 rather slang company is occasionally good fun. AVhether 
 from my taste for the "humanities," or not, 1 am unable to 
 say, but certainly in my then humor I should not have ex- 
 changed my position for one of much greater pretensions to 
 elegance and tone. There was first a general onslaught upon 
 the viands, crashing of plates, jingling of knives, mingling 
 with requests for "more beef," " the hard side of the salmon," 
 or "another slice of ham." Then came a dropping fire of 
 drinking wine, which quickly increased, the decanters of 
 sherry for about ten minutes resting upon the table about as 
 long as Taglioni touches this mortal earth in one of her flying 
 ballets. Acquaintances were quickly formed between the 
 members of the bar and myself, and I found that my moment- 
 ary popularity was likely to terminate in my downfall ; for, 
 as each introduction was followed by a bumper of strong 
 sherry, I did not expect to last till the end of the feast. The 
 cloth at length disappeared, and I was just thanking Provi- 
 dence for the respite from hob-nobbing which I imagined 
 was to follow, when a huge, square decanter of whisky ap- 
 peared, flanked by an enormous jug of boiling water; and 
 renewed preparations for drinking upon a large scale seriously 
 commenced. It was just at this moment that I, for the first 
 time, perceived the rather remarkable figure who had waited 
 upon us at dinner, and who, while I chronicle so many things 
 of little import, deserves a slight mention. He was a little 
 old man of about fifty-five or sixty years, wearing upon his 
 head a barrister's wig, and habited in clothes which originally 
 had been the costume of a very large and bulky person, and 
 which consequently added much to the drollery of his appear- 
 ance. He had been, for forty years, the servant of Judge Van- 
 deleur, and had entered his present service rather in the light 
 of a preceptorthan a menial, invariably dictating to the worthy 
 justice upon every occasion of etiquette or propriety, by a 
 reference to what "the judge himself" did, which always 
 sufficed to carry the day in Nicholas's favor, opposition to so 
 corrc< t a standard never being thought of by the justice. 
 
 "That's Billy Crow's own whisky, the ' small still 7 " said 
 \'i< holas, placing the decanter upon the table ; "make much 
 of it, for there isn't su< h dew in the county." 
 
 With this commendation upon the liquor, Nicholas departed, 
 and we proceeded to fill our glasses.
 
 UARR ) ' 1a)RRi:o( v-'A'. 203 
 
 I cannot venture — perhaps it is so much the better that I 
 cannot — -to give any idea of the conversation which at once 
 broke out, as if the barriers that restrained it had at length 
 given way. But law talk in all its plenitude followed ; and lor 
 two hours I heard of nothing but writs, detainers, declarations, 
 traverses in prox, and alibis, with sundry hints for qui tarn 
 processes, interspersed, occasionally, with sly jokes about 
 packing juries and confusing witnesses, among which figured 
 the usual number of good things attributed to the Chief 
 Baron O'Grady, and the other sayers of smart sayings at the 
 bar. 
 
 " Ah ! " said Mr. Daly, drawing a deep sigh at the same 
 instant — " the bar is sadly fallen off since I was called in the 
 year seventy-six. There was not a leader in one of the 
 circuits at that time that couldn't puzzle any jury that ever 
 sat in a box ; and as for driving through an act of Parliament, 
 it was, as Sancho Panza says, cakes and gingerbead to them. 
 And then, there is one especial talent lost forever to the 
 present generation — just like stained glass and illuminated 
 manuscripts, and slow poisons, and the like — that were all 
 known years ago — I mean the beautiful art of addressing the 
 judge before the jury, and not letting them know you were 
 quizzing them, if ye liked to do that same. Poor Peter Pur- 
 cell for that — rest his ashes — he could cheat the devil him- 
 self if he had need — and maybe he has had before now. 
 Peter is sixteen years dead last November." 
 
 " And what was Peter's peculiar tact in that respect, Mr. 
 Daly ? " said I. 
 
 " Oh, then, I might try for hours to explain it to you in 
 vain ; but I'll just give you an instance, that'll show you better 
 than all my dissertations on the subject, and I was present 
 myself when it happened, more by token it was the first 
 time I ever met him on circuit : 
 
 " I suppose there is scarcely any one here now, except 
 •myself, that remembers the great cause of Mills versus 
 Mulcahy, a widow, and others, that was tried at Ennis, in 
 the year '82. It's no matter if there is not. Perhaps it may 
 be more agreeable for me, for I can tell my story in my own 
 version, and not be interrupted. Well, that was called the 
 old record, for they tried it seventeen times. I believe, on my 
 conscience, it killed old Jones, who was in the Common 
 Pleas; he used to say, if he put it for trial on the Day of 
 Judgment, one of the parties would be sure to lodge an appeal.
 
 .204 HA RR \ ' / ORREQ i *ER. 
 
 Be that as it may, the Millses engaged Peter, special, and 
 brought him down with a great retainer, in a chaise and four, 
 flags flying, and favors in the postilions' hats, and a fiddler 
 on the roof, playing the ' Hare in the Corn.' The inn was 
 illuminated the same evening, and Petermade a speech from 
 the windows upon the liberty of the press and religious free- 
 dom all over the globe, and there wasn't a man in the mob 
 didn't cheer him, which was the more civil, because few of 
 them knew a word of English, and the others thought he 
 was a play-actor. But it all went off well, nevertheless, for 
 Peter was a clever fellow ; and although he liked money well, 
 he liked popularity more, and he never went anywhere special 
 that he hadn't a public meeting of some kind or other, either 
 to abolish rents, or suppress parsons, or some such popular 
 and beneficial scheme, which always made him a great favorite 
 with the people, and got him plenty of clients. But I am 
 wandering from the record. Purcell came down, as I said 
 before, special for Mills ; and when he looked over his brief, 
 and thought of the case, he determined to have it tried by a 
 gentlemen jury, for, although he was a great man with the 
 mob, he liked the country gentlemen better in the jury-box, 
 for he was always coming out with quotations from the 
 classics, which, whether the grand jury understood or not, 
 they always applauded very much. Well, when he came 
 into court that morning, you may guess his surprise and 
 mortification to find that the same jury that had tried a 
 common ejectment case were still in the box, and waiting, 
 by the chief justice's direction, to try Mills versus Mulcahy, 
 the great case of the assizes. 
 
 " I hear they were a set of common clod-hopping wretches, 
 with frieze coats and brogues, that no man could get round 
 at all, for they were as cunning as foxes, and could tell blarney 
 from good sense, rather better than people with better coats 
 on them. 
 
 " Now. the, moment that Mr. Purcell came into the court, 
 after bowing politely to the judge, he looked up to the box, 
 and when he saw the dirty faces of the dealers in pork and 
 potatoes, and the unshaven chins of the small fanners, his 
 heart fell within him, and he knew in a minute how little 
 they'd care for the classics — if he quoted Casar's Commen- 
 taries itself for them — ignorant creatures as they were ! 
 
 " Well, the cause was called, and up gets Peter, and he 
 began to 'express' (as he always called it himself) ' the
 
 MARRY LdkkEQt)£k. 205 
 
 great distress his client and himself would labor under, if 
 the patient and most intelligent jury then on the panel should 
 come to the consideration of so very tedious a case as this 
 promised to be, after their already most fatiguing exertions ; ' 
 he commented upon their absence from their wives and 
 families, their farms neglected, their crops hazarded, and in 
 about fifteen minutes he showed them they were, if not speed- 
 ily released and sent home, worse treated and harder used 
 than many of the prisoners condemned to three months' 
 imprisonment ; and actually so far worked upon the feelings 
 of the chief himself, that he turned to the foreman of the 
 jury and said, ' that although it was a great deviation from 
 his habitual practice, if at this pressing season their prospects 
 were involved to the extent the learned counsel had pictured, 
 why, then, that he would so far bend his practice on this 
 occasion, and they should be dismissed.' Now, Peter, I must 
 confess, here showed the most culpable ignorance in not 
 knowing that a set of country fellows, put up in a jury- 
 box, would rather let every blade of corn rot in the ground 
 than give up what they always supposed so very respectable 
 an appointment ; for they invariably imagine in these cases 
 that they are something very like my lord the judge, ' barrin' 
 the ermine ;' besides, that on the present occasion, Peter's 
 argument in their favor decided them upon staying, for they 
 now felt like martyrs, and firmly believed that they were 
 putting the chief justice under an obligation for life. 
 
 " When, therefore, they heard the question of the court, 
 it did not take a moment's time for the whole body to rise 
 en masse, and, bowing to the judge, call out, ' We'll stay, my 
 lord, and try every mother's son of them for you ; ay, if it 
 lasted till Christmas.' 
 
 " ' I am sure, my lord,' said Peter, collecting himself for 
 an effort, ' I cannot sufficiently express my gratitude for the 
 great sacrifice these gifted and highly intelligent gentlemen 
 are making in my client's behalf ; for, being persons who 
 have great interest in the country at stake, their conduct on 
 the present occasion is the more praiseworthy ; and I am 
 certain they fully appreciate, as does your lordship, the diffi- 
 culty of the case before us, when documents will be sub- 
 mitted, requiring a certain degree of acquaintance with such 
 testimonials sufficiently to comprehend. Many of the title 
 deeds, as your lordship is aware, being obtained under old 
 abbey charters, are in the learned languages ; and we all
 
 2 o6 //• •/ A' A 1 ) ' t ORREQ l f ER. 
 
 know how home to our hearts and bosoms comes the beauti- 
 ful line of the Greek poet, " Vacuus viator cantabit ante 
 latronem." ' The sound of the quotation roused the chief 
 justice, who had been in some measure inattentive to the 
 preceding part of the learned counsel's address, and he called 
 out rather sharply, ' Greek ! Mr. Purcell — -why, I must have 
 mistaken — will you repeat the passage ? ' 
 
 " ' With pleasure, my lord. I was just observing to your 
 lordship and the jury, with the elegant poet, Hergesius, 
 '• Vacuus viator cantabit ante latronem." ; 
 
 " ' Greek, did you call it ? ' 
 
 " ' Yes, my lord, of course I did.' 
 
 " ' Why, Mr. Purcell, you are quoting Latin to me — and 
 what do you mean by talking of the learned Hergesius, and 
 Greek all the time ? — the line is Juvenal's.' 
 
 "' My lord, with much submission to your lordship, and 
 every deference to your great attainments and very superior 
 talents, let me still assure you that I am quoting Greek, and 
 that your lordship is in error.' 
 
 " ' Mr. Purcell, I have only to remark, that if you are 
 desirous to make a jest of the court, you had better be cau- 
 tious, sir ; ' and here the judge waxed exceeding wroth. ' 1 
 say the line is Latin— Latin, sir, Juvenal's Latin, sir — every 
 schoolboy knows it ! ' 
 
 " ' Of course, my lord,' said Peter, with great humility, ' I 
 bow myself to the decision of your lordship ; the line is, 
 therefore, Latin. Yet I may be permitted to hint that were 
 your lordship disposed to submit this question, as you are 
 shortly about to do another and a similar one, to those clear- 
 sighted and intelligent gentlemen there, I am satisfied, my 
 lord, it would be Greek to every man of them.' 
 
 " The look, the voice, and the peculiar emphasis with 
 which Peter gave these words were perfectly successful. 
 The acute judge anticipated the wish of the counsel — the 
 jury were dismissed, and Peter proceeded in his case before 
 those he knew better how to deal with and with whom the 
 result was more certain to be as he wished it." 
 
 To this anecdote of the counsellor succeeded many others, 
 of which, as the whisky was potent and the hour late, my 
 memory is not over retentive ; the party did not break up 
 till near four o'clock; and even then, our seance only con- 
 cluded because some one gravely remarked, "that as we 
 should be all actively engaged on the morrow, early hours 
 were advisable."
 
 HARRY LORREQUBR, 207 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 THE ASSIZE TOW N. 
 
 I had not been above a week in my new quarters, when 
 my servant presented me, among my letters, one morning, 
 with a packet, which, with considerable pains, I at length 
 recognized to be directed to me. The entire envelope was 
 covered with writing in various hands, among which I detected 
 something which bore a faint resemblance to my name ; but 
 the address which followed was perfectly unreadable, not 
 only to me as it appeared, but also the " experts " of the differ- 
 ent post-offices, for it had been followed by sundry directions to 
 try various places beginning with T, which seemed to be the 
 letter commencing the "great unknown locality;" thus I 
 read "TryTralee," "Try Tyrone," " TryTanderagee," etc.. 
 etc. I wonder that they didn't add, " Try Teheran," and I 
 suppose they would at last, rather than abandon the pursuit. 
 
 " But, Stubbes," said I, as I conned over the various 
 addresses on this incomprehensible cover, " are you sure 
 this is for me ? " 
 
 " The postmaster, sir, desired me to ask you if you'd have 
 it, for he has offered it to every one down in these parts 
 lately ; the water-guard offices will take it at 8d. sir, if you 
 won't, but I begged you might have the refusal." 
 
 " Oh ! very well ; I am happy to find matters are managed 
 so impartially in the post-office here. Nothing like a public 
 auction for making matters find their true level. Tell the 
 postmaster, then, I'll keep the letter, and the rather as it 
 happens, by good luck, to be intended for me." 
 
 '• And now for the interior," said I, as I broke the seal and 
 read : 
 
 " Paris, Rue Casttglione. 
 
 " My dear M. Lorrequer, — As her ladyship and my son 
 have in vain essayed to get anything from you in the shape 
 of reply to their letters, it has devolved upon me to try my 
 fortune, which, were I to argue from the legibility of my 
 writing, may not, I should fear, prove more successful than
 
 208 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 the" — (what can the word be?) — "the — the " — why, it can't 
 be damnable, surely ? — no, it is amiable I see — " than the 
 amiable epistle of my lady. I cannot, however, permit my- 
 self to leave this without apprising you that we are about to 
 start for Baden, where we purpose remaining a month or two. 
 Your cousin Guy, who has been staying here for some time 
 with us, -has been obliged to set out for Geneva, but hopes 
 to join us some weeks hence. He is a great favorite with us 
 all, but has not effaced the memory of our older friend, your- 
 self. Could you not find means to come over and see us 
 if only a flying visit ? Rotterdam is the route, and a few 
 days would bring you to our quarters. Hoping that you may 
 feel so disposed, I have inclosed herewith a letter to the 
 Horse Guards, which I trust may facilitate your obtaining 
 leave of absence. I know of no other mode of making your 
 peace with the ladies, who are too highly incensed at your 
 desertion to send one civil postscript to this letter ; and 
 Kilkee and myself are absolutely exhausted in our defence 
 of you. Believe me, yours truly, 
 
 " Callonbv." 
 
 Had I received an official notification of my being appointed 
 paymaster to the forces, or chaplain to Chelsea hospital, I 
 believe I should have received the information with less sur- 
 prise than I perused this letter. That after the long interval 
 which had elapsed, during which 1 had considered myself 
 totally forgotten by this family, I should now receive a letter 
 
 and such a letter too — quite in the vein of our former 
 intimacy and good feeling, inviting me to their house, and 
 again professing their willingness that I should be on the 
 terms of our old familiarity — was little short of wonderful to 
 me. I read too — with what pleasure ? — that slight mention 
 of my cousin, whom I had so long regarded as my successful 
 rival, but who I began now to hope had not been preferred 
 to me. Perhaps it was not yet too late to think that all was 
 not hopeless. It appeared, too, that several letters had been 
 written which had never reached me ; so, while I accused 
 them of neglect and forget fulness, I was really more amenable 
 to the charge myself; for from the moment I had heard of 
 my cousin Guy's having been domesticated amongst them, 
 and the rumors of his marriage had reached me, I suffered 
 my absurd jealousy to blind my reason, and never wrote 
 another line after. I ought to have known how "&avard"
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 20Q 
 
 Guy always was ; that he never met with the most common- 
 place attentions anywhere, that he did not immediately write 
 home about settlements and pin-money, and portions for 
 younger children, and all that sort of nonsense. Now I saw 
 it all plainly, and ten thousand times quicker than my hopes 
 were extinguished before were they again kindled, and I 
 could not refrain from regarding Lady Jane as a mirror of 
 constancy, and myself the most fortunate man in Europe. 
 My old castle-building propensities came back to me in an 
 instant, and I pictured myself, with Lady Jane as my com- 
 panion, wandering among the beautiful scenery of the Neckar, 
 beneath the lofty ruins of Heidelberg, or skimming the placid 
 surface of the Rhine, while, " mellowed by distance," came 
 the rich chorus of a student's melody, filling the air with its 
 flood of song. How delightful, I thought, to be reading the 
 lyrics of Uhland or Burger with one so capable of appreciat- 
 ing them with all the hallowed associations of the " Vater- 
 land " about us. " Yes," said I aloud, repeating a well- 
 known line of a German " Lied : " 
 
 " Bekranzt mit Laub, den lieben vollen Becher." 
 
 " Upon my conscience," said Mr. Daly, who had for some 
 time past been in silent admiration of my stage-struck appear- 
 ance — " upon my conscience, Mr. Lorrequer, I had no con- 
 ception you knew Irish." 
 
 The mighty talisman of the counsellor's voice brought me 
 back in a moment to a consciousness of where I was then 
 standing, and the still more unfortunate fact that I was only 
 a subaltern in his majesty's — th 
 
 " Why, my dear counsellor, that was German I was quot- 
 ing, not Irish." 
 
 "With all my heart," said Mr. Daly, breaking the top of 
 his third egg — "with all my heart; I'd rather you'd talk it 
 than me. Much conversation in that tongue, I'm thinking, 
 would be mighty apt to loosen one's teeth." 
 
 " Not at all, it is the most beautiful language in Europe, 
 and the most musical too. Why, even for your own peculiar 
 taste in such matters, where can you find any language so 
 rich in Bacchanalian songs as the German ? " 
 
 "I'd rather hear the ' Cruiskeen Lawn 'or the 'Jug of 
 Punch,' as my old friend Pat Sampson could sing them, than 
 a score of your high Dutch jaw-breakers." 
 
 14
 
 2 i o HA RR I ' L OAK J-. Ql 7YA 
 
 " Shame upon ye, Mr. Daly ; and for pathos, for true feel- 
 ing, where is there anything equal to Schiller's ballads ? " 
 
 " I don't think I ever heard any of his ; but if you will 
 talk of ballads," said the counsellor, "give me old Mosey 
 M cGarry's ; what's finer than " — and here he began, with a 
 most nasal twang and dolorous emphasis, to sing : 
 
 " ' And I stepp'd up unto her, 
 An' I made a congee — 
 An' I ax'd her her pardon, 
 For the making so free.' 
 
 And then the next verse, she says : 
 
 " ' Are you goin' to undo me, 
 In this desert alone ? ' 
 
 There's a shake there."' 
 
 " For heaven's sake," I cried, " stop ; when I spoke of bal- 
 lads, I never meant such infernal stuff as that." 
 
 "I'll not give up my knowledge of ballads to any man 
 breathing," said Mr. Daly; "and, with God's blessing, I'll 
 sing you one this evening, after dinner, that will give you a 
 cramp in the stomach." 
 
 An animated discussion upon lyrical poetry was here inter- 
 rupted by a summons from our host to set out for the town. 
 My party were, by the desire of the magistracy, to be in 
 readiness near the court-house, in the event of any serious 
 disturbance, which there existed but too much reason to fear 
 from the highly excited state of feeling on the subject of the 
 approaching trials. The soldiers were, under the guidance 
 of Mr. Larkins, safely ensconced in a tan-yard, and I myself 
 having consigned them for the present to a non-commissioned 
 officer, was left at perfect liberty to dispose of my time and 
 person as it might please me. 
 
 While these arrangements were taking place, I had entirely 
 lost sight of Mr. Daly, under whose guidance and protection 
 I trusted to obtain a place within the bar to hear the trials; 
 so that I was now perfectly alone, for my host's numerous 
 avocations entirely precluded any thought of putting myself 
 under his care. 
 
 My first object was to reach the court-house, and there 
 could be little difficulty in finding it, for the throng of per- 
 sons in the streets were all eagerly bending their way thither. 
 I accordingly followed with the stream, and soon found my- 
 self among an enormous multitude of frieze-coated and red-
 
 HARRY I \(>RR/:{>fRR. 21 1 
 
 cloaked people, of both sexes, in a large open square, which 
 formed the market-place, one side of which was flanked by 
 the court-house — for as such I immediately recognized a 
 massive-looking gray stone building — in which the numerous 
 windows, all open and filled with people, exhaled a continued 
 stream from the crowded atmosphere within. To approach 
 it was perfectly impossible : for the square was packed so 
 closely, that as the people approached, by the various streets, 
 they were obliged to stand in the avenues leading to it, and 
 regard what was going on from a distance. Of this large 
 multitude I soon became one, hoping that at length some 
 fortunate opportunity might enable me to obtain admission 
 through some of my legal acquaintances. 
 
 That the fate of those who were then upon their trial for 
 their lives absorbed the entire feeling of those without, a mo- 
 mentary glance at the hundreds of anxious and careworn faces 
 in the crowd would completely satisfy. Motionless and silent 
 they stood ; they felt no fatigue — no want of food or refresh- 
 ment — their interest was one and undivided — all their hopes 
 and fears were centred in the events then passing at a short 
 distance from them, but to which their ignorance imparted an 
 additional and more painful excitement — the only information 
 of how matters were going on being by an occasional word, 
 sometimes a mere gesture from some one stationed in the 
 windows to a friend in the crowd. 
 
 When the contemplation of this singularly impressive scene 
 was beginning to weary from the irksomeness of my position, 
 I thought of retiring ; but soon discovered how impossible was 
 such a step. The crowd had blocked up so completely all 
 the avenues of approach, that even had I succeeded in get- 
 ting from the market-place, it would be only to remain firmly 
 impacted among the mob in the street. 
 
 It now also occurred to me, that although I had been 
 assured by Larkins no call could possibly be made upon my 
 services, or those of my party, till after the trial, yet, were 
 that to conclude at any moment, I should be perfectly unable 
 to regain the place where I had stationed them, and the most 
 serious consequences might ensue from the absence of their 
 officer, if the men were required to act. 
 
 From the time this thought took possession of me, I became 
 excessively uncomfortable. Every expression of the people 
 that denoted the progress of the trial, only alarmed me for 
 the conclusion, which, I supposed, might not be distant, and
 
 2 i J 11 A RR V L ORRKQ CER. 
 
 I began, with all my ingenuity, to attempt my retreat, which, 
 after half an hour's severe struggle, I completely abandoned, 
 finding myself scarcely ten yards from where I started. 
 
 At length, the counsel for the crown, who had been speak- 
 ing to evidence, ceased ; and an indistinct murmur was heard 
 through the court-house, which was soon repressed by the 
 voice of the crier calling " silence." All now seemed still and 
 silent as the grave — yet, on listening attentively for some time, 
 you could catch the low tones of a voice speaking, as it 
 appeared, with great deliberation and slowness. This was 
 the judge addressing the jury. In a short time this also 
 ceased ; and, for about half an hour, the silence was perfectly 
 unbroken, and both within and without there reigned one in- 
 tense and aching sense of anxiety that absorbed every feeling, 
 and imparted to every face an expression of almost agonizing- 
 uncertainty. It was, indeed, a space well calculated to excite 
 such emotions. The jury had retired to deliberate upon their 
 verdict. At length a door was heard to open, and the foot- 
 steps of the jury, as they resumed their places, sounded 
 through the court, and were heard by those without. How 
 heavily upon many a stout heart those footsteps fell ! They 
 had taken their seats — then came another pause — after which 
 the monotonous tones of the clerk of the court were heard, 
 addressing the jury for their verdict. As the foreman rises 
 every ear is bent — every eye strained — every heart-string 
 vibrates : his lips move, but he is not heard ; he is desired by 
 the judge to speak louder ; the color mounts to his before 
 bloodless face ; he appears to labor for a few seconds with a 
 mighty effort, and, at last, pronounces the word, " Guilty, my 
 Lord, all guilty ! " 
 
 I have heard the wild war-whoop of the red Indian, as, in 
 his own pine forest, he has unexpectedly come upon the track 
 of his foe, and the almost extinguished hope of vengeance 
 lias been kindled again in his cruel heart ; 1 have listened to 
 the scarcely less savage hurrah of a storming party, as they 
 have surmounted the crumbling ruins of a breach, and devoted 
 to fire and sword, with that one yell, all who await them ; and 
 once in my life it has been my fortune to have heard the last 
 yell of defiance from a pirate crew, as they sunk beneath the 
 raking fire of a frigate, rather than surrender, and went down 
 with a cheer of defiance that rose even above the red artillery 
 that destroyed but could not subdue them ; but never, in any 
 or all of these awful moments, did my heart vibrate to such
 
 HARRY I.ORREQUEK. 213 
 
 sounds as rent the air when the fatal "Guilty" was heard by 
 those within, and repeated to those without. It was not grief 
 — it was not despair — neither was it the cry of sharp and 
 irrepressible anguish, from a suddenly blighted hope; but it 
 was the long pent-up and carefully concealed burst of feeling 
 which called aloud for vengeance — red and reeking revenge 
 upon all who had been instrumental in the sentence then 
 delivered. It ceased, and I looked toward the court-house, 
 expecting that an immediate and desperate attack upon the 
 building and those whom it contained would at once take 
 place. But nothing of the kind ensued. The mob were 
 already beginning to disperse, and before I recovered per- 
 fectly from the excitement of these few and terrible moments, 
 the square was nearly empty, and I almost felt as if the wild 
 and frantic denunciation that still rang through my ears had 
 been conjured up by heated and fevered imagination. 
 
 When I again met our party at the dinner-table, I could not 
 help feeling surprised on perceiving how little they sympa- 
 thized in my feeling for the events of the day ; which, indeed, 
 they only alluded to in a professional point of view, criticis- 
 ing the speeches of the counsel on both sides, and the char- 
 acter of the different witnesses who were examined. 
 
 " Well," said Mr. Daly, addressing our host, " you never 
 could have had a conviction to-day if it wasn't for Mike. 
 He's the best evidence I ever heard. I'd like to know very 
 much how you ever got so clever a fellow completely in your 
 clutches ? " 
 
 " By a mere accident, and very simply," replied the justice. 
 " It was upon one of our most crowded fair-days — half the 
 county was in town — when the information arrived that the 
 Walshes were murdered the night before, at the cross-roads 
 above Telenamuck mills. The news reached me as I was 
 signing some tithe warrants, one of which was against Mickey. 
 I sent for him into the office, knowing that, as he was in the 
 secret of all the evil doings, I might as well pretend to do him 
 a service, and offer to stop the warrant, out of kindness, as it 
 were. Well, one way or another, he was kept waiting for 
 several hours while I was engaged in writing, and all the 
 country people, as they passed the window, could look in and 
 sir M ickey Sheehan standing before me while I was employed 
 busily writing letters. It was just at this time that a mounted 
 policeman rode in with the account of the murder ; upon which 
 I immediately issued a warrant to arrest the two MacNeils
 
 2i4 HARRY t O R R /■' ( ) UER. 
 
 and Owen Shirley upon suspicion. I thought T saw Mike 
 turn pale, as I said the names over to the sergeant of police, 
 and I at once determined to turn it to account ; so I immedi- 
 ately began talking to Mickey about his own affairs, break- 
 ing off, every now and then, to give some directions about 
 the men to be captured. The crowd outside was increasing 
 every instant, and you need not have looked at their faces 
 twice to perceive that they had regarded Mickey as an ap- 
 prover; and the same night that saw the MacNeils in custody 
 witnessed the burning of Sheehan's house and haggard, and 
 he only escaped by a miracle over to Curryglass, where, once 
 under my protection, with the imputation upon his character 
 of having turned king's evidence, I had little trouble in per- 
 suading him that he might as well benefit by the report as 
 enjoy the name without the gain. He soon complied, and 
 the convictions of this day are partly the result." 
 
 When the applause which greeted this clever stroke of our 
 host had subsided, I inquired what results might, in all likeli- 
 hood, follow the proceedings of which I had that day been a 
 witness ? 
 
 " Nothing will be done immediately," replied the justice, 
 "because we have a large force of police and military about 
 lis ; but let either, or unhappily both, be withdrawn, and the 
 cry you heard given in the market-place to-day will be the 
 death-wail for more than one of those who are well and hearty 
 at this moment." 
 
 The train of thought inevitably forced upon me by all I 
 had been a spectator of during the day but little disposed me 
 to be a partaker in the mirth and conviviality, which, as 
 usual, formed the staple of the assize dinners of Mr. Larkins ; 
 and I accordingly took an early opportunity to quit the com- 
 pany and retire for the night. 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 A DAY IN DUBLIN. 
 
 On the third day of my residence at Curryglass, arrived 
 my friend Mortimer, to replace me, bringing my leave from 
 the colonel, and a most handsome letter, in which he again 
 glanced at the prospect before me in the Callonby family,
 
 HA RR Y L OK REV I '/•/;'. 2 1 5 
 
 and hinted at my destination, which I had not alluded to, 
 adding that if 1 made the pretence of study in Germany the 
 reason for my application at the Horse Guards, I should be 
 almost certain to obtain a six months' leave. With what 
 spirits I ordered Stubbes to pack up my portmanteau, and 
 secure our places in the Dublin mail for that night, while I 
 myself hurried to take leave of my kind entertainer and his 
 guests, as well as to recommend to their favor and atten- 
 tion my excellent friend Mortimer, who, being a jovial fellow, 
 not at all in love, was a happy exchange for me, who, despite 
 Dab's capital stories, had spent the last two days in watch- 
 ing the high-road for my successor's arrival. 
 
 Once more, then, I bade adieu to Curryglass and its hospi- 
 table owner, whose labors for " justice to Ireland " I shall 
 long remember, and depositing myself in the bowels of his 
 majesty's mail, gave way to the full current of my hopes and 
 imaginings, which at last ended in a sound and refreshing 
 sleep, from which I only awoke as we drew up at the door of 
 the Hibernian in Dawson Street. 
 
 Even at that early hour there was considerable bustle and 
 activity of preparation, which I was at some loss to account 
 for, till informed by the waiter that there were upward of 
 three hundred strangers in the house, it being the day of his 
 majesty's expected arrival on his visit to Ireland, and a very 
 considerable section of the county Galway being at that 
 moment, with their wives and families, installed, for the 
 occasion, in this, their favorite hotel. 
 
 Although I had been reading of this approaching event 
 every day for the last three months, I could not help feeling 
 surprised at the intense appearance of excitement it occa- 
 sioned, and, in the few minutes' conversation I held with the 
 waiter, learned the total impossibility of procuring a lodging 
 anywhere, and that I could not have a bed, even were I to 
 offer five guineas for it. Having therefore no inclination to 
 sleep even upon easier terms, I ordered my breakfast to be 
 ready at ten, and set out upon a stroll through the town. I 
 could not help, in my short ramble through the streets, per- 
 ceiving how admirably adapted were the worthy Dublinites 
 for all the honors that awaited them ; garlands of flowers, 
 transparencies, flags, and the other insignia of rejoicing, were 
 everywhere in preparation, and at the end of Sackville Street 
 a considerable erection, very much resembling an impromptu 
 gallows, was being built, for the purpose, as I aft rw ■ 1
 
 2 i u HARR Y L6&REQI r ER. 
 
 learned, of giving the worshipful, the lord mayor, the op- 
 portunity of opening the citv gates to royalty, creating the 
 obstacle where none existed ; being a very ingenious con- 
 ceit, and considerably Irish into the bargain. -I could not 
 help feeling some desire to witness how all should go off, to 
 use the theatrical phrase ; but in my anxiety to get on to 
 the Continent, I at once abandoned every thought of delay. 
 When I returned to the coffee-room of my hotel, I found it 
 crowded to excess ; every little table, originally destined for 
 the accommodation of one, having at least two, and sometimes 
 three occupants. In my hurried glance round the room, to 
 decide where I should place myself, I was considerably struck 
 with the appearance of a stout elderly gentleman with red 
 whiskers and a high bald forehead ; he had, although the 
 day was an oppressively hot one, three waistcoats on, and by 
 the brown York tan of his long-topped boots, evinced a very 
 considerable contempt either for weather or fashion ; in the 
 quick glance of his sharp gray eye, I read that he listened 
 half doubtingly to the narrative of his companion, whose 
 back was turned toward me, but who appeared from the 
 occasional words which reached me, to be giving a rather mar- 
 velous and melo dramatic version of the expected pleasures 
 of the capital. There was something in the tone of the 
 speaker's voice that I thought I recognized ; I accordingly 
 drew near, and what was my surprise to discover my friend 
 Tom O'Flaherty. After our first salutation was over, Tom 
 presented me to his friend. Mr. Burke, of somewhere, who, 
 he continued to inform me, in a stage whisper, was " a regular 
 dust," and never in Dublin in his life before. 
 
 " And so you say, sir, that his majesty cannot enter with- 
 out the permission of the lord mayor ? " 
 
 "And the aldermen, too,"' replied Tom. "It is an old 
 feudal ceremony; when his majesty comes up to the gate, 
 he demands admission, and the lord mayor refuses, because 
 he would be thus surrendering his great prerogative of head 
 of the city; then the aldermen get about him, and cajole him, 
 and by degrees he's won over by the promise of being 
 knighted, and the king gains the day, and enters." 
 
 ." Upon my conscience, a rnighty ridiculous ceremony it is, 
 after all," said Mr. Burke, " and very like a bargain for sheep 
 in Ballinasloe fair, when the buyer and seller appear to be 
 going to light, till a mutual friend settles the bargain between 
 them."
 
 if A RR Y L ORREQ C T KR. i \ -j 
 
 At this moment Mr. Burke suddenly sprung from his 
 chair, which was nearest the window, to look out ; I accord- 
 ingly followed his example, and beheld a rather ludicrous 
 procession, if such it could be called, consisting 4 of so few 
 persons. The principal individual in the group was a florid, 
 fat, happy-looking gentleman of about fifty, with a profusion 
 of nearly white whiskers, which met at his chin, mounted 
 upon a sleek charger, whose half-ambling, half-prancing pace 
 had evidently been acquired by long habit of going in proces- 
 sion ; this august figure was habited in a scarlet coat and 
 cocked hat, having aiguillettes, and all the other appanage of 
 a general officer ; he also wore tight buckskin breeches and 
 high jackboots, like those of the Blues and Horse Guards ; 
 as he looked from side to side with a self-satisfied, contented 
 air, he appeared quite insensible of the cortege which followed 
 and preceded him ; the latter, consisting of some score of 
 half-ragged boys, yelling and shouting with all their might, 
 and the former being a kind of instalment in hand of the 
 Dublin Militia Band, and who, in numbers and equipment, 
 closely resembled the " army which accompanies the first ap- 
 pearance of Bombastes." The only difference, that these 
 I speak of did not play the " Rogue's March," which might 
 have perhaps appeared personal. 
 
 As this goodly procession advanced, Mr. Burke's eyes 
 became riveted upon it ; it was the first wonder he had yet 
 beheld, and he devoured it. " May I ask, sir," said he at 
 length, " who that is ? " 
 
 " Who that is ! " said Tom, surveying him leisurely as he 
 spoke, " why, surely, sir, you must be jesting, or you would 
 nut ask such a question; I trust, indeed, every one knows 
 who he is! Eh, Harry ? " said he, looking at me for a con- 
 firmation of what he said, and to which of course I assented 
 by a look. 
 
 "Well, but, my dear Mr. O'Flaherty, you forget how igno- 
 rant I am of everything here " 
 
 "Ah, true," said Tom, interrupting; "I forget you never 
 saw him before." 
 
 " And who is he, sir ? " 
 
 " Why, that's the Duke of Wellington." 
 
 " Lord have mercy upon me, is it ? " said Mr. Burke, as 
 he upset the table and all its breakfast equipage, and rushed 
 through the coffee-room like (me possessed. Before I could 
 half recover from the lit of laughing this event threw me into,
 
 2 1 8 HA RR ) ' L ORREQ ( 'F.R. 
 
 I heard him as he ran at full speed down Dawson Street, 
 waving his hat and shouting out at the top of his lungs, 
 "God bless your grace — Long life to your grace — Hurrah 
 for the hero of Waterloo ; the great captain of the age," etc., 
 etc. ; which, I grieve to say, for the ingratitude of the individ- 
 ual lauded, seemed not to afford him half the pleasure and 
 none of the amusement it did the mob, who re-echoed the 
 shouts and cheering till he was hid within the precincts of 
 the Mansion House. 
 
 "And now," said Tom to me, "finish your breakfast as 
 fast as possible ; for when Burke comes back he will be bor- 
 ing me to dine with him, or some such thing, as a kind of 
 acknowledgment of his gratitude for showing him the duke. 
 Do you know he has seen more wonders through my poor 
 instrumentality, within the last three days in Dublin, than a 
 six months' trip to the Continent would show most men. I 
 have made him believe that Burke Bethel is Lord Brougham, 
 and I am about to bring him to a soiree at Mi-Ladi's whom 
 he supposes to be the Marchioness of Conyngham. Apropos 
 to the Belissima, let me tell you of a ' good hit ' I was witness 
 to a few nights since ; you know, perhaps, old Sir Charles 
 Giesecke, eh ? " 
 
 " I have seen him once, I think — the professor of miner- 
 alogy." 
 
 " Well, poor old Sir Charles, one of the most modest and 
 retiring men in existence, was standing the other night 
 among the mob, in one of the drawing-rooms, while a wait/ 
 ing-party were figuring away, at which, with that fondness 
 for ' la danse ' that characterizes every German of any age, he 
 was looking with much interest, when my lady camp tripping 
 up, and the following short dialogue ensued within earshot : 
 
 " ' Ah, mon cher Sir Charles, ravi de vous voir. But why 
 are you not dancing ? ' 
 
 "'All, mi ladi, je ne puis pas, c'est-a-dire, Ich kann es 
 nicht ; I am too old ; Ich bin ' 
 
 " ' Oh, you horrid man ; I understand you perfectly. You 
 hate ladies, that is the real reason. You do — you know you 
 do.' 
 
 " ' All, mi ladi, Gnadige Erau ; glauben siemir; I do loave 
 de ladies ; I do adore de sex. Do you know, mi ladi, when 
 1 was in Greenland 1 did keep four womans ! ' 
 
 "' Oli, shocking, horrid, vile Sir Charles, how could you 
 tell me such a story ! I shall die of it.'
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 219 
 
 "'Ah, mine Gott ; mi ladi ; sie irren sich, 'vous vous 
 trompez. You are quite in mistake ; it was only to row my 
 boat : ' 
 
 " I leave you to guess how my lady's taste for the broadside 
 of my story, and poor Sir Charles's vindication of himself, 
 in regard to his estimation of ' le beau sexe,' amused all who 
 heard it ; as for me, I had to leave the room, half choked 
 with suppressed laughter. And now let us bolt, for I see 
 Burke coming, and, upon my soul, I am tired of telling him 
 lies, and must rest on my oars for a few hours, at least." 
 
 " But where is the necessity for so doing ? " said I ; 
 "surely, where there is so much novelty as a large city 
 presents to a visitor for the first time, there is little occasion 
 to draw upon imagination for your facts." 
 
 " Ah, my dear Harry, how little do you know of life ; there 
 is a kind of man whose appetite for the marvellous is such 
 that he must be crammed with miracles or he dies of inani- 
 tion, and you might as well attempt to feed a tiger upon pate 
 defois gras as satisfy him by mere naked, unvarnished truth. 
 I'll just give you an easy illustration. You saw his delight 
 this morning when the 'duke ' rode past; well, I'll tell you 
 the converse of that proposition now. The night before last, 
 having nothing better to do, we went to the theatre, the piece 
 was ' La Perouse,' which they have been playing here for the 
 last two months to crowded houses, to exhibit some North 
 American Indians whom some theatrical speculator brought 
 over ' expres,' in all the horrors of fur, wampum, and yellow 
 ochre. Finding the ' spectacle ' rather uninteresting, I 
 leaned back in my box, and fell into a doze. Meanwhile, 
 my inquiring friend, Mr. Burke, who felt naturally anxious, 
 as he always does, to get an fond of matters, left his place to 
 obtain information about the piece, the author, and above all 
 the authenticity of the Indians, who certainly astonished him 
 considerably. 
 
 "Now it so happened that about a fortnight previously 
 some violent passion to return home to their own country 
 had seized these interesting individuals, and they felt the 
 most irresistible longing to abandon the savage and un- 
 natural condiments of roast beef and Guinness's porter, and 
 resume their ancient and more civilized habits of life. In 
 fact, like the old African lady, mentioned by the missionary 
 at the Cape, they felt they could die happy if they 'could 
 only once more have a roast child for supper/ and as such
 
 220 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 luxuries are dear in this country, stay another week they 
 would not, whatever thexonsequences might be ; the manager 
 reasoned, begged, implored, and threatened, by turns ; all 
 would not do, go they were determined, and all the unfortunate 
 proprietor could accomplish was, to make a purchase of 
 their properties in fur, belts, bows, arrows, and feathers, and get 
 them away quietly, without the public being the wiser. The 
 piece was too profitable a one to abandon, so he looked 
 about anxiously, to supply the deficiency in his corps &ra- 
 matique. For several days nothing presented itself to his 
 thoughts, and the public were becoming more clamorous for 
 the repetition of a drama which had greatly delighted them. 
 What was to be done ? In a mood of doubt and uncertainty 
 the wretched manager was taking his accustomed walk upon 
 the light-house pier, while a number of unfortunate country 
 fellows, bare-legged and lanky, with hay ropes fastening 
 their old gray coats around them, were standing beside a 
 packet, about to take their departure for Kngland for the 
 harvest. Their uncouth appearance, their wild looks, their 
 violent gestures, and, above all, their strange and guttural 
 language, for they were all speaking Irish, attracted the 
 attention of the manager ; the effect to his professional eye 
 was good, the thought struck him at once. Here were the 
 very fellows he wanted. It was scarcely necessary to alter 
 anything about them, they were ready made to his hand, 
 and in many respects better savages than their prototypes. 
 Through the mediation of some whisky, the appropriate liquor 
 in all treaties of this nature, a bargain was readily struck, 
 and in two hours more 'these forty thieves' were rehearsing 
 upon the classic boards of our theatre, and once more ' La 
 Perouse,' in all the glory of red capital letters, shone forth in 
 the morning advertisements. The run of the piece continued 
 unabated ; the Indians were the rage ; nothing else was 
 thought or spoken of in Dublin, and already the benefit of 
 AsheWaballagh Ho was announced, who, by the by, was a 
 little fellow from Martin's estate in Connemara, and one of 
 the drollest dogs I ever heard of. Well, it so happened that 
 it was upon one of their nights of performing that I found 
 myself, with Mr. burke, a spectator of their proceedings. I 
 had fallen into an easy slumber, when a dreadful row in the 
 box lobby roused me from my dream, and the loud cry of 
 'turn him out,' ' pitch him over,' 'beat his brains out,' and 
 other humane proposals of the like nature, effectually restored
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 221 
 
 me to consciousness ; I rushed out of the box into the lobby, 
 and there, to my astonishment, in the midst of a considerable 
 crowd, beheld my friend Mr. Burke, belaboring the box- 
 keeper with all his might with a cotton umbrella of rather 
 unpleasant proportions, accompanying each blow with an 
 exclamation of ' Well, are they Connaughtmen, now, you 
 rascal, eh ? Are they all west of Athlone ; tell me that, 
 now ? I wonder what's preventing me beating the soul of 
 ye.' After obtaining a short cessation of hostilities, and 
 restoring poor Sharkey to his legs, much more dead than 
 alive from pure fright, I learned, at last, the hicrrima causa 
 belli. Mr. Burke, it seems, had entered into conversation 
 with Sharkey, the box-keeper, as to all the particulars of the 
 theatre, and the present piece, but especially as to the real 
 and authentic history of the Indians whose language he 
 remarked in many respects to resemble Irish. Poor Sharkey, 
 whose benefit-night was approaching, thought he might secure 
 a friend for life, by imparting to him an important stage secret ; 
 and when, therefore, pressed rather closely as to the ' savages' 
 whereabouts,' resolved to try a bold stroke, and trust his 
 unknown interrogator. ' And so you don't really know where 
 they come from, nor can'tguess ?' ' Maybe, Peru,' said Mr. 
 Burke, innocently. ' Try again, sir,' said Sharkey, with a 
 knowing grin. 'Is it Behring Straits?' said Mr. Burke. 
 4 What do you think of Galway, sir?' said Sharkey, with a 
 leer intended to cement a friendship for life. The words 
 were no sooner out of his lips than Burke, who immediately 
 took them as a piece of direct insolence to himself and his 
 country, felled him to the earth, and was in the act of con- 
 tinuing the discipline when I arrived on the field of battle." 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 A NIGHT AT HOW T H. 
 
 " And must you really leave us so soon ? " said Tom, as we 
 issued forth into the street ; " why, I was just planning a 
 whole week's adventure for you. Town is so full of all kinds 
 of idle people, I think I could manage to make your time 
 pass pleasantly enough." 
 
 "Of that," I replied, "I have little doubt; but for the
 
 222 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 reasons I have just mentioned, it is absolutely necessary that 
 1 should not lose a moment ; and after arranging a few 
 things here, I shall start to-morrow by the earliest packet, 
 and hasten up to London at once." 
 
 "By Jupiter," said Tom, "how lucky. 1 just remember 
 something, which comes admirably apropos. You are going 
 to Paris — is it not so ? " 
 
 " Yes, direct to Paris." 
 
 " Nothing could be better. There is a particularly nice 
 person, a great friend of mine, Mrs. Bingham, waiting for 
 several days in hopes of a chaperon to take care of herself 
 and daughter — a lovely girl, only nineteen, you wretch — to 
 London, en route to the Continent ; the mamma a delightful 
 woman and a widow, with a very satisfactory jointure— you 
 understand — but the daughter, a regular downright beauty, 
 and a ward in chancery, with how many thousand pounds 
 I am afraid to trust myself to say. You must know, then, 
 
 they are the Binghams of Upon my soul, 1 forget where ; 
 
 but highly respectable." 
 
 " I regret I have not the pleasure of their acquaintance, 
 and the more because I shall not be able to make it now." 
 
 " As why ? " said Tom, gravely. 
 
 "Because, in the first place, I am so confoundedly pressed 
 for time that I could not possibly delay under any contin- 
 gency that might arise ; and your fair friends are, doubtless. 
 not so eagerly determined on travelling night and day till 
 they reach Paris. Secondly, to speak candidly, with my 
 present hopes and fears weighing upon my mind, I should 
 not be the most agreeable travelling companion to two ladies 
 with such pretensions as you speak of ; and thirdly " 
 
 " Confound your thirdly. I suppose we shall have si.\ 
 teenthly, like a Presbyterian minister's sermon, if I let you 
 goon. Why, they'll not delay you one hour. Mrs. Bingham, 
 man, cares as little for the road as yourself; and as. for your 
 pedis soins, I suppose if you get the fair ladies through the 
 custom-house, and see them safe in a London hotel, it is all 
 that will be required at your hand." 
 
 " Notwithstanding all you say, I see the downright impossi- 
 bility of my taking such a charge at this moment, when my 
 own affairs require all the little attention I can bestow ; and 
 when, were I once involved with your fair friends, it might 
 be completely out of my power to prosecute my own plans." 
 
 As I said this, we reached the door of a handsome-looking
 
 1IARR \ ' LorreQL i-:r. 11% 
 
 house in Kildare Street ; upon which Tom left my arm, and 
 informing me that he desired to drop a card, knocked 
 loudly. 
 
 "Is Mrs. Bingham at home ?" said he, as the servant 
 opened the door. 
 
 " No, sir, she's out in the carriage." 
 
 " Well, you see, Harry, your ill-luck befriends you ; for 1 
 was resolved on presenting you to my friends and leaving 
 the rest to its merits." 
 
 " I can safely assure you that I should not have gone up- 
 stairs," said I. " Little as I know of myself, there is one 
 point of my character I have never been deceived in, the 
 fatal facility by which every new incident or adventure can 
 turn me from following up my best matured and longest 
 digested plans ; and as I feel this weakness, and cannot cor- 
 rect it, the next best thing I can do is to fly the causes." 
 
 " Upon my soul," said Tom, " you have become quite a 
 philosopher since we met. There is an old adage which 
 says, ' No king is ever thoroughly gracious if he has not 
 passed a year or two in dethronement,' so I believe your 
 regular lady-killer, yourself for instance, becomes a very 
 quiet animal for being occasionally jilted. But now, as you 
 have some commissions to do, pray get done with them as fast 
 as possible, and let us meet at dinner. Where do you dine 
 to-day ? " 
 
 " Why, upon that point, I am at your service, completely." 
 
 " Well, then, I have got a plan which I think will suit 
 you. You said you wished to go by Holyhead, for fear of 
 delay, so, we'll drive down at six o'clock to Skinner's and 
 dine with him on board the packet at Howth. Bring your 
 luggage with you, and it will save you a vast deal of fuss and 
 trouble in the morning." 
 
 Nothing could be better management for me than this, so 
 I accordingly promised acquiescence ; and having appointed 
 a rendezvous for six o'clock, bade O'Flaherty good-bye, in- 
 wardly rejoiced that my plans were so far forwarded, and 
 that 1 was not to be embarrassed with either Mrs. Bingham 
 or her daughter, for whose acquaintance or society I had no 
 peculiar ambition. 
 
 My commissions, though not very numerous, occupied the 
 few hours which remained, and it was already a few minutes 
 past six o'clock when I took my stand under the piazza of 
 the post-office to wait for O'Flaherty. I had not long to do
 
 224 IIARR \ ' LORREQl 7. A'. 
 
 so, for immediately after I reached the spot, he arrived in ari 
 open barouche and four posters, with three other young men 
 to whom he severally introduced me, but whose names I 
 have totally forgotten ; I only remember that two of the 
 party were military men then quartered in town. 
 
 When I had taken my seat, I could not help whispering to 
 Tom, that although his friend Skinner might be " bon " for a 
 visitation for two at dinner, yet as we were now so strong a 
 party, it might be as well to dine at the hotel. 
 
 " Oh," said he, " I have arranged all that ; I have sent 
 him a special messenger two hours since, and so make your 
 mind easy — we shall not be disappointed, nor be short- 
 taken." 
 
 Our drive, although a long one, passed quickly over, and 
 before we had reached our destination, I had become 
 tolerably intimate with all the party, who were evidently 
 picked men, selected by O'Flaherty for a pleasant evening. 
 
 We drove along the pier to the wharf, where the steamer 
 lay, and were received at once by Tom's friend with all the 
 warm welcome and hospitality of a sailor, united with the 
 address and polish of a very finished gentleman. As we 
 descended the companion-ladder to the cabin, my mind be- 
 came speedily divested of any fears I might have indulged 
 in as to the want of preparation of our entertainer. The 
 table was covered with all the appanage of handsome plate 
 and cut glass, while the side-tables glittered with a magnifi- 
 cent dessert, and two large wine-coolers presented an array 
 of champagne necks shining with their leaden cravats that 
 would have tempted an anchorite. 
 
 I remember very little else of that evening than the coup 
 d'oeil I have mentioned ; besides, were my memory more 
 retentive, I might scruple to trespass further on my reader's 
 patience by the detail of those pleasures, which, like love- 
 letters, however agreeable to the parties immediately con- 
 cerned, are very unedifying to all others. I do remember, 
 certainly, that good stories and capital songs succeeded each 
 other with a rapidity only to be equalled by the popping of 
 corks ; and have also a very vague and indistinct recollec- 
 tion of a dance round the table, evidently to finish a chorus, 
 but which, it appears, finished me, too, for I saw no more 
 that night. 
 
 How many men have commemorated the waking sensation 
 of their fellow-men, after a night's debauch ; yet at the same
 
 HA RR V L ORREQ I r ER. 225 
 
 time, I am not aware of any one having perfectly conveyed 
 even a passing likeness to the mingled throng of sensations 
 which crowd one's brain on such an occasion. The doubt 
 of what has passed, by degrees yielding to the half-conscious- 
 ness of the truth, the feeling of shame, inseparable except to 
 the habitually hard-goer, for the events thus dimly pictured, 
 the racking headache and intense thirst, with the horror of 
 the potation recently indulged in ; the recurring sense of the 
 fun or drollery of a story or an incident which provokes us 
 again to laugh despite the jarring of our brain from the shak- 
 ing. All this and more most men have felt, and happy are 
 they when their waking thoughts are limited to such, at such 
 times as these — the matter becomes considerably worse, when 
 the following morning calls for some considerable exertion, 
 for which, even in your best and calmest moments, you only 
 find yourself equal. 
 
 It is truly unpleasant, on rubbing your eyes and opening 
 your ears, to discover that the great bell is ringing the half- 
 hour before your quarterly examination at college, while 
 Locke, Lloyd, and Lucian are dancing a reel through your 
 brain, little short of madness ; scarcely less agreeable is it 
 to learn that your friend Captain Wildfire is at the door in 
 his cab, to accompany you to the Phoenix, to stand within 
 twelve paces of a cool gentleman who has been sitting with 
 his arm in eau dc Cologne for the last half-hour that he may 
 pick you out " artist-like." There are, besides these, innu- 
 merable situations in which our preparations of the night 
 would appear as none of the wisest ; but I prefer going at 
 once to my own, which, although considerably inferior in 
 difficulty, was not without its own " dfoagrimetlts" 
 
 When I awoke, therefore, on board the " Firefly," the 
 morning after our dinner-party, I was perfectly unable, by 
 any mental process within my reach, to discover where I was. 
 On shipboard I felt I must be — the narrow berth — the 
 gilded and panelled cabin which met my eye, through my 
 half-open curtains, and that peculiar swelling motion insep- 
 arable from a vessel in the water, all satisfied me of this fact. 
 I looked about me, but could see no one to give me the least 
 idea of my position. Could it be that we were on our way 
 out to Corfu, and that I had been ill for some time past ? 
 
 But this cabin had little resemblance to a transport; per- 
 haps it might be a frigate. I knew not. Then, again, were 
 we sailing or at anchor ? for the ship was nearly motionless.
 
 2 2 6 H A RR Y I. OKREQ 1 7-R. 
 
 At this instant a tremendous noise like thunder crashed 
 through my head, and for a moment I expected we had ex- 
 ploded, and would all be blown up ; but an instant after I 
 discovered it must be the escape of the steam, and that I 
 was on board a packet ship. Here, then, was some clew to 
 my situation, and one which would probably have elicited 
 all in due season ; but just at this moment a voice on deck 
 saved me from any further calculations. Two persons were 
 conversing whose voices were not altogether unknown to me, 
 but why I knew not. 
 
 " Then, captain, I suppose you consider this an excellent 
 passage ? " 
 
 " Yes, of course I do," replied the captain ; " it's only five 
 hours since we left Howth, and now you see we are nearly 
 in. If we have the run of the tide, we shall reach the head 
 before twelve o'clock." 
 
 " Ha ! ha ! " said I to'myself, " now I begin to learn some- 
 thing. So we have crossed the channel while I was sleeping 
 — not the least agreeable, thing for a man to hear who suf- 
 fers martyrdom from sea-sickness. But let me listen again." 
 
 " And that large mountain there — is that Snowden ? " 
 
 " No. You cannot see Snowden ; there is too much mist 
 about it ; that mountain is Capel Craig ; and there that bold 
 bluff to the eastward, that is Penmen Mawr." 
 
 " Come, there is no time to be lost," thought I ; so spring- 
 ing out of my berth accoutred as I was, in merely trousers 
 and slippers, with a red handkerchief fastened night-cap 
 fashion round my head, I took my way through the cabin. 
 
 My first thought on getting upon my legs was how tremen- 
 dously the vessel pitched, which 1 had not remarked while 
 in my berth, but now I could scarcely keep myself from fall- 
 ing at every step. I was just about to call the steward, 
 when I again heard the voices on deck. 
 
 " You have but few passengers this trip." 
 
 " I think only yourself and a Captain Lorrequer," replied 
 the captain, " who, by the by, is losing all this fine coast, 
 which is certainly a great pity." 
 
 " He shall not do so much longer," thought 1 ; " for as I 
 find that there are no other passengers, I'll make my toilet 
 on deck, and enjoy the view besides." With this determina- 
 tion I ascended slowly and cautiously the companion ladder, 
 and Stepped out upon the deck ; but scarcely had I done so, 
 when a roar of the loudest laughter made me turn my head
 
 HA RR VIA 1RREQ I T ER. 227 
 
 toward the poop, and there, to my horror of horrors, I be- 
 held Tom O'Flaherty seated between two ladies, whose most 
 vociferous mirth I soon perceived was elicited at my ex- 
 pense. 
 
 All the party of the preceding night were also there, and 
 as I turned from their grinning faces to the land, I saw, to 
 my shame and confusion, that we were still lying beside the 
 pier at Howth ; while the band-boxes, trunks, and imperials 
 of new arrivals were incessantly pouring in, as travelling car- 
 riages kept driving up to the place of embarkation. I stood 
 perfectly astounded and bewildered — shame for my ridicu- 
 lous costume would have made me fly at any other time — 
 but there I remained to be laughed at patiently, while that 
 villain O'Flaherty, leading me passively forward, introduced 
 me to his friends — " Mrs. Bingham, Mr. Lorrequer ; Mr. 
 Lorrequer, Miss Bingham. Don't be prepossessed against 
 him, ladies, for when not in love, and properly dressed, he 
 is a marvellously well-looking young gentleman ; and 
 as " 
 
 What the remainder of the sentence might be I knew not, 
 for I rushed down into the cabin, and locking the door, 
 never opened it until I could perceive from the stern win- 
 dows that we were really off on our way to England, and rec- 
 ognized once more the laughing face of O'Flaherty, who, as 
 he waved his hat to his friends from the pier, reminded them 
 that " they were under the care and protection of his friend 
 Lorrequer, who, he trusted, would condescend to increase 
 Jiis wearing apparel under the circumstances." 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 
 THE JOURNEY. 
 
 When I did at last venture upon deck, it was with a cos- 
 tume studiously accurate, and as much of manner as I could 
 possibly muster, to endeavor at once to erase the unfortunate 
 impression of my first appearance; this, however, was not 
 destined to be a perfectly successful manoeuvre, and I was 
 obliged after a few minutes to join the laugh, which I found 
 could not be repressed, at my expense. One good result 
 certainly followed from all this. 1 became almost immedi-
 
 228 HARK V LORREQCRR. 
 
 ately on intimate terms with Mrs. Bingham and her daughter, 
 and much of the awkwardness in my position as their chap- 
 eron which bon-grt mal-gre I was destined to be, was at once 
 got over. Mrs. Bingham herself was of that "genre" of 
 widow, which comes under the "fat, fair, and forty" category, 
 with a never-ceasing flow of high, almost boisterous, spirits 
 — an excellent temper, good health — and a well-stocked 
 purse. Life to her was like a game of her favorite " specula- 
 tion." When as she believed the "company honest," and 
 knew her cards trumps, she was tolerably easy for the result. 
 She liked Kingstown — she liked short whist — she liked the 
 military — she liked the "junior bar," of which she knew a 
 good number — she had a well-furnished house in Kildare 
 Street— and a well-cushioned pew in St. Anne's; she was a 
 favorite at the Castle— and Dr. Labatt " knew her constitu- 
 tion." Why, with all these advantages, she should ever 
 have thought of leaving the "happy valley" of her native 
 city, it was somewhat hard to guess. Was it that thoughts 
 of matrimony, which the Continent held out more prospect 
 for, had invaded the fair widow's heart? Was it that the 
 altered condition to which politics had greatly reduced Dub- 
 lin had effected this change of opinion ? or was it like that 
 indescribable longing for the unknown something, which we 
 read of in the pathetic history of the fair lady celebrated, I 
 believe, by Petrarch, but I quote from memory : 
 
 " Mrs. Gill is very ill, 
 
 Nothing can improve her, 
 But to see the Tuillerie, 
 
 And waddle through the Louvre." 
 
 None of these, I believe, however good and valid reasons 
 in themselves, were the moving powers upon the present 
 occasion ; the all-sufficient one being that Mrs. Bingham had 
 a daughter. Now Miss Bingham was Dublin, too — but Dub- 
 lin of a later edition — and a finer, more hot-pressed copy 
 than her mamma. She had been educated at Mrs. Some- 
 body's seminary, in Mountjoy Square — had been taught to 
 dance by Montagu — and had learned French from a Swiss 
 governess — with a number of similar advantages — a very 
 pretty figure — dark eyes — long eye-lashes and a dimple — 
 and last, but of course least, the deserved reputation of a 
 large fortune. She had made a most successful debut in the 
 Dublin world, where she was much admired and flattered,
 
 HA RR Y L ORREQ I 'A A'. 2 29 
 
 and which soon suggested to her quick mind, as it has often 
 done in similar cases to a young provincial debutante, not to 
 waste her "fraicheur " upon the minor theatres, but at once 
 to appear upon the "great boards;" so far evidencing a 
 higher Might of imagination and enterprise than is usually 
 found among the clique of her early associates, who may be 
 characterized as that school of young ladies who like the 
 " Corsair" and Dunleary, and say, " Ah, don't ! " 
 
 She possessed much more common sense than her mamma, 
 and promised, under proper advantages, to become speedily 
 quite sufficiently acquainted with the world and its habitudes. 
 In the meanwhile, I perceived that she ran a very consider- 
 able risk of being carried off by some mustached Pole, with 
 a name like a sneeze, who might pretend to enjoy the entree 
 into the fashionable circles of the Continent. 
 
 Very little study of my two fair friends enabled me to see 
 thus much; and very little "usage" sufficed to render me 
 speedily intimate with both ; the easy bonhomie of the mamma, 
 who had a very methodistical appreciation of what the " con- 
 nection" call "creature comforts," amused me much, and 
 opened one ready path to her good graces by the opportunity 
 afforded of getting up a luncheon of veal cutlets and London 
 porter, of which I partook, not a little to the loss of the fair 
 daughter's esteem. 
 
 While, therefore, I made the tour of the steward's cell in 
 search of Harvey's sauce, I brushed up my memory of the 
 Corsair and Childe Harold, and alternately discussed Stilton 
 and Southey, Lover and lobsters, Haynes Bayley and ham. 
 
 The day happened to be particularly calm and delightful, 
 so that we never left the deck ; and the six hours which 
 brought us from land to land quickly passed over in this 
 manner; and ere we reached "the Head" I had become the 
 warm friend and legal adviser of the mother; and with the 
 daughter I was installed as chief confidant of all her griefs 
 and sorrows, both of which appointments cost me a solemn 
 promise to take care of them till their arrival in Paris, where 
 they had many friends and acquaintances awaiting them. 
 Here, then, as usual, was the invincible facility with which 
 1 gave myself up to any one who took the trouble to influ- 
 ence me. One thing, nevertheless, I was determined on — to 
 let no circumstance defer my arrival at Paris a day later than 
 was possible ; therefore, though my office as chaperon might 
 diminish my comforts en route, it should not interfere with
 
 230 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 the object before me. Had my mind not been so completely 
 engaged with my own immediate prospects, when hope, sud- 
 denly and unexpectedly revived, had become so tinged with 
 fears and doubts as to be almost torture, I must have been 
 much amused with my present position, as I found myself 
 seated with my two friends, rolling along through Wales in 
 their comfortable travelling carriage — giving all the orders at 
 the different hotels — seeing after the luggage — and acting en 
 maitre in every respect. 
 
 The good widow enjoyed particularly the difficulty which 
 my precise position, with regard to her and her daughter, 
 threw the different innkeepers on the road into, sometimes 
 supposing me to be her husband, sometimes her son, and 
 once her son-in-law ; which very alarming conjecture brought 
 a crimson tinge to the fair daughter's cheek, an expression 
 which, in my ignorance, I thought looked very like an in- 
 clination to faint in my arms. 
 
 At length we reached London, and having been there safely 
 installed at " Mivart's," I sallied forth to present my letter to 
 the Horse Guards, and obtain our passport for the Continent. 
 
 " Number nine Poland Street, sir," said the waiter, as I 
 inquired the address of the French consul. Having discov- 
 ered that my interview with the commander-in-chief was ap- 
 pointed for four o'clock, I determined to lose no time, but 
 make every possible arrangement for leaving London in the 
 morning. 
 
 A cab quietly conveyed me to the door of the consul, around 
 which stood several other vehicles, of every shape and fash- 
 ion, while in the doorway were to be seen numbers of people, 
 thronging and pressing, like the Opera pit on a full night. 
 Into the midst of this assemblage I soon thrust myself, and, 
 borne upon the current, at length reached a small back par- 
 lor, filled also with people ; a door opening into another 
 small room in the front showed a similar mob there, with the 
 addition of a small elderly man, in a bag wig and spectacles, 
 very much begrimed with snuff, and speaking in a very chol- 
 eric tone to the various applicants for passports, who, totally 
 ignorant of French, insisted upon interlarding their demands 
 with an occasional stray phrase, making a kind of tessellated 
 pavement of tongues, which would have shamed Babel. 
 Nearest to the table at which the functional}- sat stood a 
 inustached gentleman, in a blue frock and white trousers, a 
 white hat jauntily set upon one side of his head, and prim-
 
 //.•/ RR ) ' LORREQl '/.'A'. 23 1 
 
 rose gloves. He cast a momentary glance of a very under- 
 valuing import upon the crowd around him, and then, turn- 
 ing to the consul, said, in a very soprano tone : 
 
 " Passport, monsieur ! " 
 
 "Que voulez-vous que je fasse," replied the old French- 
 man, gruffly. 
 
 " je suis j'ai — that is, donnez moi passport." 
 
 " Where do you go ? " replied the consul. 
 
 " Calai." 
 
 " Comment diable, speak Inglis, and I understand you as 
 besser. Your name?" 
 
 " Lorraine Snaggs, gentilhomme." 
 
 " What age have you ? — how old ? " 
 
 " Twenty-two." 
 
 "C'est ca," said the old consul, flinging the passport across 
 the table", with the air of a man who thoroughly comprehended 
 the applicant's pretension to the designation of gentilhomme 
 Anglais. 
 
 As I followed the worthy representative of Seven Dials with 
 my eye, another person had neared the table. She was a 
 rather pretty young woman, with blue eyes, and brown hair 
 braided quietly on her forehead, and wearing a plain close 
 bonnet of a very coquettish appearance. 
 
 "Will you be seated, ma'mselle ? " said the polite old French- 
 man, who had hitherto been more like a bear than a human 
 being, " Ou allez-vous done ; where to, ma chere?" 
 
 " To Paris, sir." 
 
 " By Calais ? " 
 
 " No, sir, by Boulogne " 
 
 " C'est bon ; quel age avez-vous ? What old, ma belle ? " 
 
 " Nineteen, sir, in June." 
 
 " And are you alone, quite, eh ? " 
 
 " No, sir, my little girl." 
 
 " Ah ! your leetle girl — c'est fort bien — je m'apercois ; and 
 your name ? " 
 
 " Fanny Linwood, sir." 
 
 " C'est fini, ma chere, Mademoiselle Fanni Linwood," said 
 the old man as he wrote down the name. 
 
 "Oh, sir, I beg your pardon, but you have put me down 
 Mademoiselle ; and — and — you see, sir, I have my little girl." 
 
 " A c'est egal, ma'mselle, they don't mind these things in 
 France — au plaisir de vous voir. Adieu." 
 
 " They don't mind these things in France," said I to my-
 
 232 J/ARKY LOKREQUKR. 
 
 self, repeating the old consul's phrase, which I could not help 
 feeling as a whole chapter on his nation. 
 
 My business was soon settled, for I spoke nothing but Eng- 
 lish — very little knowledge of the world teaching me that when 
 we have any favor, however slight, to ask, it is always good 
 policy to make the amende by gratifying the amour prepre of 
 thegranter — if, happily, there be an opportunity for so doing. 
 
 When I returned to Mivart's, I found a written answer to 
 my letter of the morning, stating that his lordship of the 
 Horse Guards was leaving town that afternoon, but would 
 not delay my departure for the Continent to visit which a 
 four months' leave was granted me, with a recommendation 
 to study at Weimar. 
 
 The next day brought us to Dover, in time to stroll about 
 the cliffs, during the evening, when I again talked sentiment 
 with the daughter till very late. The madame herself was 
 too tired to come out, so that we had our walk quite alone. 
 It is strange enough how quickly this travelling together has 
 shaken us into intimacy. Isabella says she feels as if I were 
 her brother ; and I begin to think myself she is not exactly 
 like a sister. She has a marvellously pretty foot and ankle. 
 
 The climbing of cliffs is a very dangerous pastime. How 
 true the French adage — " C'est phis facile de glisser si/r h 
 gazon que sur la glace." But still nothing can come of it ; 
 for if Lady Jane be not false, I must consider myself an en- 
 gaged man. 
 
 "Well, but I hope," said I, rousing myself from a reverie 
 of some minutes, and inadvertently pressing the arm which 
 leaned upon me, "your mamma will not be alarmed at our 
 long absence ? " 
 
 "Oh not in the least, for she knows I'm with you." 
 
 And here I felt a return of the pressure — perhaps also in- 
 advertently given, but which, whether or not, effectually set 
 all my reasonings and calculations astray; and we returned to 
 the hotel, silent on both sides. 
 
 The appearance of la chere mamma, beside the hissing 
 tea-urn, brought us both back to ourselves, and, after an hour's 
 chatting, we wished good-night, to start on the morrow for 
 the Continent.
 
 HARRY LQRREQUER. 233 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 
 CALAIS. 
 
 It was upon a lovely evening in autumn, as the Dover 
 steamboat rounded the wooden pier at Calais, amid a fleet 
 of small boats filled with eager and anxious faces, soliciting, 
 in every species of bad English and "patois " French, the 
 attention and patronage of the passengers. 
 
 " Hotel de Bain, rmlor." 
 
 " Hotel d'Angleterre," said another, in a voice of the 
 most imposing superiority. "C'est superbe — pretty well." 
 
 " Hotel du Nord, votre Excellence — remise de poste and 
 'delays ' (quere relays) at all hours." 
 
 " Commissionnaire, mi ladi," sung out a small shrill treble 
 from the midst of a crowded cock-boat, nearly swamped 
 beneath our paddle-wheel. 
 
 What a scene of bustle, confusion, and excitement does 
 the deck of a steamer present upon such an occasion. Every 
 one is running hither or thither. " Sauve qui peut " is now 
 the watchword ; and friendships, that promised a life-long 
 endurance only half an hour ago, find here a speedy disso- 
 lution. The lady who slept all night upon deck, enveloped 
 in the folds of your Astracan cloak, scarcely deigns an ac- 
 knowledgment of you, as she adjusts her ringlets before the 
 looking-glass over the stove in the cabin. The polite gentle- 
 man, that would have flown for a reticule or a smelling-bottle 
 upon the high seas, won't leave his luggage in the harbor; 
 and the gallantry and devotion that stood the test of half a 
 gale of wind and a wet jacket, is not proof when the safety of 
 a carpet-bag or the security of a " Mackintosh " is concerned. 
 
 And thus here, as elsewhere, is prosperity the touchstone 
 of good feeling. All the various disguises which have been 
 assumed per viaggio, are here immediately abandoned, and, 
 stripped of the travelling costume of urbanity and courtesy, 
 which they put on for the voyage, they stand forth in all the 
 unblushing front of selfishness and self-interest. 
 
 Some tender scenes yet find their place amid the debris of 
 this chaotic state. Here may be seen a careful mother ad-
 
 234 HARR Y • L ORREQ UER. 
 
 justing innumerable shawls and handkerchiefs round the 
 throat of a sea-green young lady with a cough ; her maid is 
 at the same instant taking a tender farewell of the steward in 
 the after-cabin. 
 
 Here is a very red-faced and hot individual, with punch- 
 colored breeches and gaiters, disputing " one brandy too 
 much " in his bill, and vowing that the company shall hear 
 of it when he returns to England. There, a tall, elderly 
 woman, with a Scotch-gray eye, and a sharp cheek-bone, is 
 depositing within her muff various seizable articles, that 
 until now had been lying quietly in her trunk. Yonder, that 
 raw-looking young gentleman, with the crumpled frock-coat, 
 and loose cravat, and sea-sick visage, is asking every one, 
 " if they think he may land without a passport." You 
 scarcely recognize him for the cigar-smoking dandy of yester- 
 day that talked as if he had lived half his life on the Con- 
 tinent. While there, a rather pretty girl is looking intently at 
 some object in the blue water, beside the rudder post. You 
 are surprised you cannot make it out ; but then, she has the 
 advantage of you, for the tall, well-looking man, with the 
 knowing whiskers, is evidently whispering something into 
 her ear. 
 
 " Steward, this is not my trunk — mine was a leather " 
 
 " All the ' leathers ' are gone in the first boat, sir." 
 
 " Most scandalous way of doing business." 
 
 " Trouble you for two-and-sixpence, sir." 
 
 "There's Matilda coughing again," says a thin, shrewish 
 woman, with a kind of triumphant scowl at her better half ; 
 " but you would have her wear that thin shawl ! " 
 
 " Whatever may be the fault of the shawl, I fancy no one 
 will reproach her ankles for thinness," murmurs a young 
 Guardsman, as he peeps up the companion-ladder. 
 
 Amid all the Babel of tongues and uproar of voices, the 
 thorough bass of the escape steam keeps up its infernal 
 thunders, till the very brain reels, and, sick as you have 
 been of the voyage, you half wish yourself once more at 
 sea, if only to have a moment of peace and tranquillity. 
 
 Numbers now throng the deck who have never made their 
 appearance before. Pale, jaundiced, and crumpled, they 
 have all the sea-sick look and haggard cheek of the real 
 martyr — all except one, a stout, swarthy, brown-visaged man 
 of about forty, with a frame of iron, and a voice like the 
 fourth string of a violoncello. You wonder why he should
 
 HARRY l.ORRKQUER. 235 
 
 have taken to his bed : learn, then, that he is his majesty's 
 courier from the foreign office, going with lispatches to 
 Constantinople ; and that, as he is not destined to lie 
 down in a bed for the next fourteen days, he is glad even of 
 the narrow resemblance to one he finds in the berth of a 
 steamboat. At length you are on shore, and marched off in 
 a long string, like a gang of convicts to the Bureau de 
 l'octroi, and here is begun an examination of the luggage, 
 which promises, from its minuteness, to last for the three 
 months you destined to spend in Switzerland. At the end 
 of an hour you discovered that the soi-disant commissionnaire 
 will transact all this affair for a few francs ; and, after a 
 tiresome wait in a filthy room, jostled, elbowed, and trampled 
 upon, by boors with sabots, you adjourn to your inn, and 
 begin to feel that you are not in England. 
 
 Our little party had but few of the miseries here recounted 
 to contend with. My " savoir faire," with all modesty be it 
 spoken, has been long schooled in the art and practice of trav- 
 elling ; and while our less experienced fellow-travellers were 
 deep in the novel mysteries of cotton stockings and petticoats, 
 most ostentatiously displayed upon every table of the Bureau, 
 we were comfortably seated in the handsome saloon of the 
 Hotel du Nord, looking out upon a pretty grass plot sur- 
 rounded with orange trees, and displaying in the middle a 
 jet d'eau about the size of a walking-stick. 
 
 " Now, Mr. Lorrequer," said Mrs. Bingham, as she seated 
 herself by the open window, " never forget how totally de- 
 pendent we are upon your kind offices. Isabella has dis- 
 covered already that the French of Mountjoy Square, however 
 intelligible in that neighborhood, and even as far as Mount 
 Street, is Coptic and Sanscrit here ; and as for myself, I 
 intend to affect deaf and dumbness till I reach Paris, where 
 I hear every one can speak English a little." 
 
 " Now, then, to begin my functions," said I, as I rung for 
 the waiter, and ran over in my mind rapidly how many 
 invaluable hints for my new position my present trip might 
 afford me, " always provided " (as the lawyers say) that 
 Lady Jane Callonby might feel herself tempted to become 
 
 my travelling companion, in which case But, confound 
 
 it, how I am castle-building again. Meanwhile, Mrs. Bing- 
 ham is looking as hungry and famished as though she would 
 eat the waiter. " Ha ! this is the ' carte.' " 
 
 " Allons faire petit souper."
 
 236 HARK ) ' L ORREQtJMit, 
 
 " Cotelettes d'agneau." 
 
 " Mayonnaise d'homanl." 
 
 "Perdreaux rouges aux truffes — mark that, aux truffes." 
 
 " Gelee au maraschin." 
 
 " And the wine, sir," said the waiter, with a look of approval 
 at my selection, " Champagne — no other wine, sir ? " 
 
 '• \o," said I, "Champagne only; frappe de glace, of 
 course," I added, and the waiter departed with a bow that 
 would have graced St. James's. 
 
 As long as our immaterial and better part shall be doomed 
 to keep company with its fleshy tabernacle, with all its attend- 
 ant miseries of gout and indigestion, how much of our en- 
 joyment in this world is dependent upon the mere accessory 
 circumstances by which the business of life is carried on and 
 maintained, and to despise which is neither good policy nor 
 sound philosophy. In this conclusion a somewhat long 
 experience of the life of a traveller has fully established me. 
 And nowhere does it press more forcibly upon the mind than 
 when first arrived in a continental inn, after leaving the 
 best hotels in England still fresh in your memory. I do not 
 for a moment dispute the very great superiority in comfort 
 of the latter, by which I would be understood to mean all 
 those resemblances to one's own home which an English 
 hotel so eminently possesses, and every other one so mark- 
 edly wants, but 1 mean that in contrivances to elevate the 
 spirit, cheer the jaded and tired wayfarer by objects which, 
 however they may appeal to the mere senses, seem, at least, 
 but little sensual, give me a foreign inn ; let me have a large 
 spacious saloon, with its lofty walls and its airy, large paned 
 windows (I shall not object if the cornices and mouldings be 
 gilded, because such is usually the case) — let the sun and 
 heat of a summer's day come tempered through the deep 
 lattices of a well-fitting "jalousie," bearing upon them the 
 rich incense of a fragrant orange tree in blossom — and the 
 sparkling drops of a neighboring fountain, the gentle plash 
 of which is faintly audible amid the hum of a drone-bee — let 
 such be the " agrements " without — while within, let the more 
 substantial joys of the table await, in such guise as only a 
 French cuisine can present them— give me these, 1 say, and 
 I shall never sigh for the far-famed and long-deplored com- 
 forts of a box in a coffee-room, like a pew in a parish church, 
 though certainly not so well cushioned, and fully as dull, 
 with a hot waiter and a cold beefsteak — the only thing higher
 
 harry LOkkEQUBR. 237 
 
 than your game being your bill, and the only thing less 
 drinkable than your port being the porter. 
 
 With such exotic notions, figurez-vous, my dear reader, 
 whether or not I felt happy as I found myself seated be- 
 tween my two fair friends, doing the honors of a little supper, 
 and assisting the exhilaration of our champagne by such 
 efforts of wit as under favorable circumstances like these, 
 are ever successful — and which, being like the foaming 
 liquid which washes them down, to be swallowed without 
 waiting, are ever esteemed good, from the excitement that 
 results, and never seriously canvassed for any more sterling 
 merit. Nothing every makes a man so agreeable as a belief 
 that he is so ; and certainly my fair companions appeared to 
 have the most excellent idea of my powers in that respect ; 
 and I fancy that I made more ban mots, hit off more epigrams, 
 and invented more choice incidents on that happy evening, 
 than, if now remembered, would suffice to pay my tailor's 
 bill, when collated for Bentley's Miscellany, and illustrated 
 by Cruikshank. Alas ! that, like the good liquor that sea- 
 soned them, both are gone by, and I am left but to chronicle 
 the memory of the fun in dulness, and counterfeit the effer- 
 vescence of the grape juice by soda-water. One thing, how- 
 ever, is certain — we formed a most agreeable party; and if 
 a feeling of gloom ever momentarily shot through my mind, 
 it was, that evenings like these came so rarely in this work- 
 a-day world — that each such should be looked on as our last. 
 
 " If I had not already shown myself up to my reader as a 
 garcon volage of the first water, perhaps I should now hesi- 
 tate about confessing that I half regretted the short space 
 during which it should be my privilege to act as the guide 
 and mentor of my two friends. The impetuous haste which 
 I before felt necessary to exercise in reaching Paris imme- 
 diately was now tempered by prudent thoughts about travelling 
 at night, and reflections about sun-stroke by day ; and even 
 moments most devoted to the object of my heart's aspirations 
 were fettered by the very philosophic idea, that it could 
 never detract from the pleasure of the happiness that awaited 
 me, if I travelled on the primrose path to its attainment. I 
 argued thus: if Lady Jane be true — if — if, in a word, I am 
 destined to have any success in the Callonby family, then 
 will a day or two more not risk it. My present friends I 
 shall, of course, take leave of at Paris, where their own 
 acquaintances await them ; and on the other hand, should I
 
 238 HA RR ) L < Vv'av ( i 1 '/■:/:. 
 
 be doomed once more to disappointment, I am equally 
 certain I should feel no disposition to form a new attachment. 
 Thus did I reason, and thus I believed ; and though I was a 
 kind of consultation opinion among my friends in " suits of 
 love," I was really then unaware that at no time is a man so 
 prone to fall in love as immediately after his being jilted. If 
 common sense will teach us not to dance a bolero upon a 
 sprained ankle, so might it also convey an equally important 
 lesson, not to expose our more vital inflammatory organ to 
 the fire the day after its being singed. 
 
 Reflections like these did not occur to me at this moment, 
 besides that, I was " going the pace " with a forty-horse power 
 of agreeability that left me little time for thought — least 
 of all, if serious. So stood matters. I had just filled our 
 tall slender glasses with the creaming and "petillan " source 
 of wit and inspiration, when the loud crack, crack, crack of 
 a postilion's whip, accompanied by the shaking trot of a 
 heavy team and the roll of wheels, announced a new arrival. 
 " Here they come," said I ; " only look at them — four horses 
 and one postilion, all apparently straggling and straying 
 after their own fancy, but yet going surprisingly straight, 
 notwithstanding. See how they come through that narrow 
 archway — it might puzzle the best four-in-hand in England to 
 do it better." 
 
 " What a handsome young man, if he had not those odious 
 mustaches. Why, Mr. Lorrequer, he knows you : see, he is 
 bowing to you." 
 
 " Me 1 Oh ! no. Why, surely, it must be — the devil — it is 
 Kilkee, Lady Jane's brother. I know his temper well. One 
 five minutes' observation of my present intimacy with my 
 fair friends, and adieu to all hopes for me of calling Lord 
 Callonby my father-in-law. There is not, therefore, a moment 
 to lose." 
 
 As these thoughts revolved through my mind, the confusion 
 I felt had covered my face with scarlet; and with a species 
 of blundering apology for abruptly leaving them for a moment, 
 I ran downstairs only in time sufficient to anticipate Kilkee's 
 questions as to the number of my apartments, to which he 
 was desirous of proceeding at once. Our first greetings 
 over, Kilkee questioned me as to my route — adding, that his 
 now was necessarily an undecided one, for if his family 
 happened not to be at Paris, he should be obliged to seek 
 after them among the German watering-places. " In any case,
 
 //. / A' A' V LORREQUER. 239 
 
 Mr. Lorrequer," said he, "we shall hunt them in couples. 
 I must insist upon your coming along with me." 
 
 " Oh ! that," said I, "you must not think of. Your car- 
 riage is a coupS, and I cannot think of crowding you." 
 
 " Why, you don't seriously want to affront me, I hope ; for 
 I flatter myself that a more perfect carriage for two people 
 cannot be built. Hobson made it on a plan of my own, and I 
 am excessively proud of it, I assure you. Come, that matter 
 is decided — now for supper. Are there many English here 
 just now ? By the by, those new ' natives ' I think I saw 
 you standing wi-th on the balcony — who are they ? " 
 
 "Oh ! the ladies — oh ! yes, people I came over with " 
 
 "One was pretty, I fancied. Have you supped? Just 
 order something, will you — meanwhile, I shall write a few 
 lines before the post leaves." Saying which he dashed up- 
 stairs after the waiter, and left me to my meditations. 
 
 " This begins to be pleasant," thought I, as the door 
 closed, leaving me alone in the " saloon." In circumstances 
 of such moment I had never felt so nonplussed as now, how 
 to decline Kilkee's invitation, without discovering my intimacy 
 with the Binghams — and yet I could not, by any possibility, 
 desert them thus abruptly. Such was the dilemma. " I see 
 but one thing for it, " said I, gloomily, as I strode through 
 the coffee-room, with my head sunk and my hands behind 
 my back—" I see but one thing left — I must be taken ill to- 
 night, and not be able to leave my bed in the morning — a 
 fever — a contagious fever — blue and red spots all over me — 
 and be raving wildly before breakfast time ; and if ever any 
 discovery takes place of my intimacy above stairs, I must 
 only establish it as a premonitory symptom of insanity, which 
 seized me in the packet. And now for a doctor that will 
 understand my case, and listen to reason, as they would call 
 it in Ireland." With this idea uppermost, I walked out into 
 the courtyard to look for a commissionnaire to guide me in 
 my search. Around on every side of me stood the various 
 carriages and voitures of the hotel and its inmates, to the 
 full as distinctive and peculiar in character as their owners. 
 " Ah ! there is Kilkee's," said I, as my eye lighted upon the 
 well-balanced and elegant little carriage which he had been 
 only with justice encomiumizing. "It is certainly perfect, 
 and yet I'd give a handful of louis-d'or if it was like that 
 venerable cabriolet yonder, with the one wheel and no shafts. 
 But, alas ! those springs give little hope of a break-down, and
 
 240 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 that confounded axle will outlive the patentee. But still, can 
 nothing be done ? — -eh ? Come, the thought is a good one — 
 I say, gay garcon, who greases the wheels of the carriages 
 here ? " 
 
 " C'est moi, monsieur," said a great oaf, in wooden shoes 
 and a blouse. 
 
 " Well, then, do you understand these ? " said I, touching 
 the patent axle-boxes with my cane. 
 
 He shook his head. 
 
 " Then who does, here ? " 
 
 " Ah ! Michael understands them perfectly." 
 
 " Then bring him here," said I. 
 
 In a few minutes a little shrewd old fellow, with a smith's 
 apron, made his appearance, and introduced himself as M. 
 Michael. I had not much difficulty in making him master 
 of my plan, which was to detach one of the wheels, as if for 
 the purpose of oiling the axle, and afterward render it incap- 
 able of being replaced — at least for twenty-four hours. 
 
 " This is my idea," said I ; " nevertheless, do not be 
 influenced by me. All 1 ask is, disable the carriage from 
 proceeding to-morrow, and here are three louis-d'ors at 
 your service." 
 
 " Soyez bien tranquille, monsieur, milor shall spend to- 
 morrow in Calais, if I know anything of my art ; " saying 
 which he set out in search of his tools, while I returned to the 
 saloon with my mind relieved, and fully prepared to press 
 the urgency of my reaching Paris without any delay. 
 
 " Well, Mr. Lorrequer," said Kilkee, as I entered, " here 
 is supper waiting, and I am as hungry as a wolf." 
 
 " Oh ! I beg pardon— I've been getting everything in readi- 
 ness for our start to-morrow morning, for I have not told you 
 how anxious I am to get to Paris before the 8th — some 
 family business which requires my looking after compelling 
 me to do so." 
 
 " As to that, let your mind be at rest, for I shall travel to- 
 morrow night, if you prefer it. Now for the Volnay. Why, 
 you are not drinking \imr wine. What do you say to our 
 paying our respects to the fair ladies above stairs ? I am 
 sure the/v///.v soins you have practised coming over would 
 permit the liberty." 
 
 " I >h ! hang it, no. There's neither of them pretty, and I 
 should rather avoid the risk of making a regular acquaintance 
 with them," said I.
 
 HA R R Y LOR R E ( > f r ER. 2 4 r 
 
 " As you like, then — -only, as you'll not take any wine, let 
 us have a stroll through the town." 
 
 After a short stroll through the town, in which Kilkee 
 talked the entire time, but of what I know not, my thoughts 
 being upon my own immediate concerns, we returned to the 
 hotel. As we entered the porte on/icrr, my friend Michael 
 passed me, and as he took off his hat in salutation, gave me 
 one rapid glance of his knowing eye, that completely satisfied 
 me that Hobson's pride in my friend's carriage had by that 
 time received quite sufficient provocation to throw him into 
 an apoplexy. 
 
 " By the by," said I, " let us see your carriage. I am 
 curious to look at it " — (and so I was). 
 
 " Well, then, come along, this way ; they have placed it 
 under some of the sheds, which they think coach-houses." 
 
 I followed my friend through the court till we arrived near 
 the fatal spot; but before reaching, he had caught a glimpse 
 of the mischief, and shouted out a most awful imprecation 
 upon the author of the deed which met his eye. The fore- 
 wheel of the coupe had been taken from the axle, and in the 
 difficulty of so doing, from the excellence of the workmanship, 
 two of the spokes were broken — the patent box was a mass 
 of bent metal, and the end of the axle turned downward like 
 a hoe. 
 
 I cannot convey any idea of poor Kilkee's distraction ; and 
 in reality my own was little short of it; for the wretch had 
 so far outstripped my orders, that I became horrified at the 
 cruel destruction before me. We both, therefore, stormed in 
 the most impossible English and French, first separately and 
 then together. We offered a reward for the apprehension of 
 the culprit, whom no one appeared to know, although, as it 
 happened, every one in a large household was aware of the 
 transaction but the proprietor himself. We abused all — the 
 innkeeper, waiters, hostlers, and chambermaids, collectively 
 and individually — condemned Calais as a den of iniquity, 
 and branded all Frenchmen as rogues and vagabonds. This 
 seemed to alleviate considerably my friend's grief, and excite 
 my thirst — fortunately, perhaps, for us ; for if our eloquence 
 had held out much longer, I am afraid our auditory might 
 have lost their patience ; and, indeed, I am quite certain if 
 our French had not been in nearly as disjointed a condi- 
 tion as the spokes of the caTeche, such must have been the 
 case. 
 
 16
 
 242 HA RR ) " L ORREQUER. 
 
 "Well, Mr. Lorrequer, I suppose, then, we are not destined 
 to be fellow-travellers — for if you must go to-morrow " 
 
 "Alas ! it is imperative," said I. 
 
 " Then, in any case, let us arrange where we shall meet, 
 for I hope to be in Paris the day after you." 
 
 " I'll stop at Meurice's." 
 
 " Meurice's be it," said he, " so now good-night, till we meet 
 in Paris." 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 
 THE GENDARME. 
 
 I had, fortunately, sufficient influence upon my fair friends 
 to persuade them to leave Calais early on the morning follow- 
 ing ; and two hours before Kilkee had opened his eyes upon 
 this mortal life we were far upon the road to Paris. 
 
 Having thus far perfectly succeeded in my plot, my spirits 
 rose rapidly, and I made every exertion to make the road 
 appear short to my fellow-travellers. This part of France is 
 unfortunately deficient in any interest from scenery; large 
 undivided tracts of waving corn-fields, with a background of 
 apparently interminable forests, and occasionally, but rarely, 
 the glimpse of some old time-worn chateau, with its pointed 
 gable and terraced walk, are nearly all that the eye can detect 
 in the intervals between the small towns and villages. 
 Nothing, however, is " flat or unprofitable " to those who de- 
 sire to make it otherwise ; good health, good spirits, and fine 
 weather are wonderful travelling companions, and render 
 one tolerably independent of the charms of scenery. Every 
 mile that separated me from Calais, and took away the chance 
 of being overtaken, added to my gayety, and J Hatter myself 
 that a happier party have rarely travelled that well frequented 
 road. 
 
 We reached Abbeville to dinner, and adjourned to the 
 beautiful little garden of the inn for our coffee ; the evening 
 was so delightful that I proposed to walk on the Paris road, 
 until the coming up of the carriage, which required a screw, or 
 a washer, or some such trifle as always occurs in French 
 posting. To this la chire mamma objected, she being tired, 
 but added, that Isabella and I might go on, and that she
 
 HA RR V L ORREQ UER: J 4 j 
 
 Would take us up in half an hour. This was an arrangement 
 so very agreeable and unlooked for by me, that I pressed 
 Miss Bingham as far as I well could, and at last succeeded 
 in overcoming her scruples, and permitting me to shawl her. 
 One has always a tremendous power of argument with the 
 uninitiated abroad, by a reference to a standard of manners 
 and habits totally different from our own. Thus the talis- 
 manic words. " Oh ! don't be shocked ; remember you are 
 in France," did more to satisfy my young friend's mind 
 than all I could have said for an hour. Little did she know 
 that in England only has an unmarried young lady any liberty, 
 and that the standard of foreign propriety on this head is 
 far, very far, more rigid than our own. 
 
 " La premiere rue a gauche," said an old man, of whom I 
 inquired the road ; " et puis," added I. 
 
 " And then quite straight ; it is a chausse'e all the way, 
 and you cannot mistake it." 
 
 " Now for it, mademoiselle," said I. " Let us try if we 
 cannot see a good deal of the country before the carriage 
 comes up." 
 
 We had soon left the town behind and reached a beauti- 
 fully shaded high-road, with blossoming fruit trees, and 
 honeysuckle-covered cottages ; there had been several light 
 showers during the day, and the air had all the fresh, fra- 
 grant feeling of an autumn evening, so tranquillizing and 
 calming that few there are who have not felt, at some time 
 or other of their lives, its influence upon their minds. I 
 fancied my fair companion did so, for, as she walked beside 
 me, her silence, and the gentle pressure of her arm, were far 
 more eloquent than words. 
 
 If that extraordinary flutter and flurry of sensations which 
 will now and then seize you, when walking upon a lonely 
 country road with a pretty girl for your companion, whose 
 arm is linked in yours, and whose thoughts, as far as you can 
 guess at least, are travelling the same path with your own — 
 if this be animal magnetism, or one of its phenomena, then 
 do I swear by Mesmer, whatever it be, delusion or otherwise, 
 it has given me the brightest moments of my life — these are 
 the real " winged dreams " of pleasures which outlive others 
 of more absorbing and actual interest at the time. After all, 
 for how many of our happiest feelings are we indebted to the 
 weakness of our nature ! The man that is wise at nineteen, 
 " Je Ten fais mon compliment," but I assuredly do not envy
 
 244 HARRY LORREQL'I.R. 
 
 him ; and now, even now, when I number more years than I 
 should like to "confess," rather than suffer the suspicious 
 watchfulness of age to creep on me, I prefer to " go on believ- 
 ing," even though every hour of the day should show me duped 
 and deceived. While I plead guilty to this impeachment, 
 let me show in mitigation that it has its enjoyments — first, 
 although I am the most constant and devoted man breathing, 
 as a very cursory glance at these Confessions may prove, yet 
 I have never been able to restrain myself from a propensity 
 to make love, merely as a pastime. The gambler that sits 
 down to play cards or hazard against himself, may perhaps 
 be the only person that can comprehend this tendency of 
 mine. We both of us are playing for nothing (or love, which 
 I suppose is synonymous) ; we neither of us put forth our 
 strength ; for that very reason, and in fact like the waiter at 
 Vauxhall, who was complimented upon the dexterity with 
 which he poured out lemonade, and confessed that he spent 
 his mornings " practising with vater," we pass a considerable 
 portion of our lives in a mimic warfare, which, if it seems 
 unprofitable, is nevertheless pleasant. 
 
 After all this long tirade, need I say how our walk pro- 
 ceeded ? We had fallen into a kind of discussion upon the 
 singular intimacy which had so rapidly grown up amongst us, 
 and which years long might have failed to engender. Our 
 attempts to analyze the reasons for, and the nature of, the 
 friendship thus so suddenly established — a rather dangerous 
 and difficult topic, when the parties are both young — one 
 eminently handsome, and the other disposed to be most 
 agreeable. Oh, my dear young friends of either sex, what- 
 ever your feelings be for one another, keep them to your- 
 selves ; I know of nothing half so hazardous as that " com- 
 paring of notes " which sometimes happens. Analysis is a 
 beautiful thing in mathematics or chemistry, but it makes 
 sad havoc when applied to the " functions of the heart." 
 
 " Mamma appears to have forgotten us," said Isabella, as 
 she spoke, after walking for some time in silence beside me. 
 
 " Oh, depend upon it, the carriage has taken all this time 
 to repair ; but are you tired ? " 
 
 " Oh, by no means ; the evening is delightful, but " 
 
 " Then perhaps you are ennuyfo" said I, half pettishly, 
 to provoke a disclaimer if possible. To this insidiously put 
 query 1 received, as I deserved, no answer, and again we 
 sauntered on without speaking.
 
 HARRY LORRKQUER. 245 
 
 " To whom does that chateau belong, my old friend ? " said 
 I, addressing a man on the roadside. 
 
 " A Monsieur le Marquis, sir," replied he. 
 
 " But what's his name, though ? " 
 
 " Ah, that I can't tell you," replied the man again. 
 
 There you may perceive how, even yet, in provincial 
 France, the old respect for the aristocracy still survives ; it 
 is sufficient that the possessor of that fine place is " Mon- 
 sieur le Marquis ; " but any other knowledge of who he is 
 and what is superfluous. 
 
 " How far are we from the next village, do you know ? " 
 
 " About a league." 
 
 " Indeed. Why I thought ' La Scrape ' was quite near us." 
 
 " Ah, you are thinking of the Amiens road ? " 
 
 " Yes, of course ; and is not this the Amiens road ? " 
 
 " Oh, no ; the Amiens road lies beyond those low hills to 
 the right. You passed the turn at the first ' barriere.' " 
 
 " Is it possible we could have come wrong ? " 
 
 " Oh, Mr. Lorrequer, don't say so, I entreat you ! " 
 
 " And what road is this, then, my friend ? " 
 
 " This is the road to Albert and Peronne." 
 
 " Unfortunately, I believe he is quite right. Is there any 
 cross-road from the village before us now to the Amiens 
 road ? " 
 
 " Yes ; you can reach it about three leagues hence." 
 
 " And we can get a carriage at the inn, probably ? " 
 
 " Ah, that I am not sure of. Perhaps at the Lion d'Or 
 you may." 
 
 " But why not go back to Abbeville ? " 
 
 " Oh, Mrs. Bingham must have left long since, and be- 
 sides you forget the distance ; we have been walking two 
 hours." 
 
 " Now for the village," said I, as I drew my friend's arm 
 closer within mine, and we set out in a fast walk. 
 
 Isabella seemed terribly frightened at the whole affair ; 
 what her mamma might think, and what might be her fears 
 at not finding us on the road, and a hundred other encourag- 
 ing reflections of this nature she poured forth unceasingly, 
 As for myself, I did not know well what to think of it ; my 
 old fondness for adventure being ever sufficiently strong in 
 me to give a relish to anything which bore the least resem- 
 blance to one. This I now concealed, and sympathized with 
 my fair friend upon our mishap, and assuring her, at the same
 
 i 46 IL4RR Y L ORREQ UEh\ 
 
 time, that there could be no doubt of our overtaking Mrs. 
 Bingham before her arrival at Amiens. 
 
 " Ah, there is the village in the valley ; how beautifully 
 situated." 
 
 " Oh, I can't admire anything now, Mr. Lorrequer, I am so 
 frightened." 
 
 " But surely without cause," said I, looking tenderly be- 
 neath her bonnet. 
 
 " Is this," she answered, " nothing? " and we walked on in 
 silence again. 
 
 On reaching the Lion d'Or, we discovered that the only 
 conveyance to be had was a species of open market-cart, 
 drawn by two horses, and in which it was necessary that my 
 fair friend and myself should seat ourselves side by side upon 
 straw ; there was no choice, and as for Miss Bingham, I believe 
 if an ass with panniers had presented itself, she would have 
 prefered it to remaining where she was. We therefore took 
 our places, and she could not refrain from laughing, as we 
 set out upon our journey in this absurd equipage, every jolt 
 of which threw us from side to side, and rendered every 
 attention on my part requisite to prevent her being upset. 
 
 After about two hours' travelling we arrived at the Amiens 
 road, and stopped at the barriere. I immediately inquired 
 if a carriage had passed, resembling Mrs. Bingham's, and 
 learned that it had, about an hour before, and that the lady 
 in it had been informed that two persons like those she asked 
 after had been seen in a caleche driving rapidly to Amiens, 
 upon which she set out as fast as possible in pursuit. 
 
 "Certainly," said I; " the plot is thickening; but for 
 that unlucky mistake she might in all probability have waited 
 here for us. Amiens is only two leagues now, so our drive 
 will not be long, and before six o'clock we shall all be 
 laughing over the matter as a very good joke." 
 
 On we rattled, and as the road became less frequented, 
 and the shadows lengthened, I could not but wonder at the 
 strange situations which the adventurous character of my 
 life had so often involved me in. Meanwhile, my fair 
 friend's spirits became more and more depressed, and it was 
 not without the greatest difficulty I was enabled to support 
 her courage. I assured her, and not altogether without 
 reason, that though so often in my eventful career accidents 
 were occurring which rendered it dubious and difficult to 
 reach the goal 1 aimed at, yet the results had so often beea
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 247 
 
 more pleasant than I could have anticipated, that I always 
 felt a kind of involuntary satisfaction at some apparent 
 obstacle to my path, setting it down as some especial means 
 of -fortune, to heighten the pleasure awaiting me ; " and now," 
 added I, " even here, perhaps, in this very mistake of our 
 road — the sentiments T have heard — the feelings I have given 
 
 utterance to " What I was about to say Heaven knows 
 
 — perhaps nothing less than a downright proposal was 
 coming ; but at that critical moment a gendarme rode up to 
 the side of our wagon, and surveyed us with the peculiarly 
 significant scowl his order is gifted with. After trotting 
 alongside for a few seconds he ordered the driver to halt, 
 and, turning abruptly to us, demanded our passports. Now 
 our passports were at that precise moment peaceably reposing 
 in the side-pocket of Mrs. Bingham's carriage ; I therefore 
 explained to the gendarme how we were circumstanced and 
 added, that on arriving at Amiens the passports should be 
 produced. To this he replied, that all might be perfectly 
 true, but he did not believe a word of it — that he had received 
 an order for the apprehension of two English persons 
 travelling that road — and that he should accordingly request 
 our company back to Chantraine, the commissaire of which 
 place was his officer. 
 
 " But why not take us to Amiens ? " said I ; " particularly 
 when I tell you that we can then show our passports ? " 
 
 " I belong to the Chantraine district," was the laconic 
 answer, and, like the gentleman who could not weep at the 
 sermon because he belonged to another parish, this specimen 
 of a French Dogberry would not hear reason except in his 
 own " commune." 
 
 No arguments that I could think of had any effect upon 
 him, and amid a volley of entreaty and imprecation, both 
 equally vain, we saw ourselves turn back upon the road to 
 Amiens, and set out at a round trot to Chantraine, on the 
 road to Calais. 
 
 Poor Isabella ! I really pitied her ; hitherto her courage 
 had been principally sustained by the prospect of soon 
 reaching Amiens ; now there was no seeing where our 
 adventure was to end. Besides that, actual fatigue from 
 the wretched conveyance began to distress her, and she was 
 scarcely able to support herself, though assisted by my arm. 
 What a perilous position mine, whispering consolation and 
 comfort to a pretty girl on a lonely road, the only person near
 
 24S HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 being one who comprehended nothing of the language we 
 spoke in. Ah, how little do we know of fate, and how often 
 do we despise circumstances that determine all our fortunes 
 in the world. To think that a gendarme should have any- 
 thing to do with my future lot in life, and that the real want 
 of a passport to travel should involve the probable want of 
 a licence to marry. " Yes, it is quite in keeping," thought 
 I, "with every step I have taken through life. I maybe 
 brought before the ' maire,' as a culprit, and leave him as a 
 Benedick." 
 
 On reaching the town, we were not permitted to drive to 
 the inn, but at once conveyed to the house of the " com- 
 missaire," who was also the "maire" of the district. Tfee 
 worthy functionary was long since in bed, and it was only 
 after ringing violently for half an hour that a head, surmount- 
 ed with a dirty cotton night-cap, peeped from an upper 
 window, and seemed to survey the assemblage beneath with 
 patient attention. By this time a considerable crowd had 
 collected from the neighboring ale-houses and cabarets, who 
 deemed it a most fitting occasion to honor us with the most 
 infernal yells and shouts, as indicating their love of justice, 
 and delight in detecting knavery ; and that we were both 
 involved in such suspicion we had not long to learn. Mean- 
 while, the poor old " maire," who had been an employe' in the 
 stormy days of the revolution, and also under Napoleon, and 
 who fully concurred with Swift, that a "crowd is a mobj if 
 composed even of bishops," firmly believed that the uproar 
 beneath in the street was the announcement of a new change 
 of affairs at Paris, determined to be early in the field, and 
 shouted therefore with all his lungs, " Vive lepeuple," " Vive la 
 charte," "Abas lesautres." A tremendous shout of laughter 
 saluted this exhibition of unexpected republicanism, and the 
 poor " maire " retired from the window, having learned his 
 mistake, covered with shame and confusion. 
 
 Before the mirth caused by this blunder had subsided the 
 door had opened, and we were ushered into the bureau of 
 the commissaire, accompanied by the anxious crowd, all 
 curious to know the particulars of our crime. 
 
 The maire soon appe. ired, his night-cap being replaced by 
 a small black velvet skull-cap, and his lanky figure enveloped 
 in a tarnished silk dressing-gown ; he permitted us to be seated, 
 while the gendarme recounted the suspicious circumstances 
 of our travelling, and produced the order to arrest an
 
 JfARRY AORA'A'Or/'A 1 . 249 
 
 Englishman and his wife who had arrived in one of the 
 late Boulogne packets, and who had carried off from some 
 banking-house money and bills for a large amount. 
 
 •• I have no doubt these are the people," said the gendarme, 
 " and here is the ' carte descriptive.' Let us compare it — 
 ' Forty-two or forty-three years of age.' " 
 
 " I trust, M. le Maire," said I, overhearing this, " that 
 ladies do not recognize me so much." 
 
 " Of a pale and cadaverous aspect," continued the 
 gendarme. 
 
 "Civil and complimentary, certainly," added I. 
 
 " Squints much with the left eye. Look at Monsieur le 
 Maire, if you please, sir," said the gendarme. 
 
 Upon this, the old functionary, wiping his spectacles with 
 a snuffy handkerchief, as if preparing them to examine an 
 eclipse of the sun, regarded me fixedly for several minutes, 
 and said — " Oh, yes, I perceive it plainly ; continue the 
 description." 
 
 " Five feet three inches," said the gendarme. 
 
 " Six feet one in England, whatever this climate may have 
 done since." 
 
 " Speaks broken and bad French." 
 
 " Like a native," said I ; "at least, so said- my friends in 
 the Chaussee d'Antin, in the year fifteen." 
 
 Here the catalogue ended, and a short conference be- 
 tween the maire and the gendarme ensued, which ended in 
 our being committed for examination on the morrow ; mean- 
 while we were to remain at the inn, under the surveillance of 
 the gendarme. 
 
 On reaching the inn my poor friend was so completely 
 exhausted that she at once retired to her room, and I pro- 
 ceeded to fulfil a promise I had made her to dispatch a 
 note to Mrs. Bingham at Amiens by a special messenger, 
 acquainting her with all our mishaps, and requesting her to 
 come or send to our assistance. This done, and a good 
 supper smoking before me, of which with difficulty I per- 
 suaded Isabella to partake in her own room, I again regained 
 my equanimity, and felt once more at ease. 
 
 The gendarme into whose guardianship I had been left 
 was a fine specimen of his caste : a large and powerfully- 
 built man of about fifty, with an enormous beard of grizzly 
 brown and gray hair, meeting above and beneath his nether 
 lip ; his eyebrows were heavy and beetling, and nearly con-
 
 250 tiAkRV LORRKQtJEk. 
 
 cealed his sharp gray eyes, while a deep sabre-wound had 
 left upon his cheek a long white scar, giving a most warlike 
 and ferocious look to his features. 
 
 As he sat apart from me for some time, silent and mo- 
 tionless, I could not help imagining in how many a hard- 
 fought day he had borne a part ; for he evidently, from his 
 age and bearing, had been one of the soldiers of the empire. 
 I invited him to partake of my bottle of Medoc, by which 
 he seemed flattered. When the flask became low, and was 
 replaced by another, he appeared to have lost much of his 
 constrained air, and seemed forgetting rapidly the suspi- 
 cious circumstances which he supposed attached to me — 
 waxed wondrous confidential and communicative, and con- 
 descended to impart some traits of a life which was not 
 without its vicissitudes, for he had been, as I suspected, 
 one of the " Garde " — the old guard — was wounded at 
 Marengo, and received the croix d'honneur in the field of 
 Wagram, from the hands of the emperor himself. The head- 
 long enthusiasm of attachment to Napoleon which his brief 
 and stormy career elicited even from those who suffered 
 long and deeply in his behalf, is not one of the least singular 
 circumstances which this portion of history displays. While 
 the rigors of the conscription had invaded every family in 
 France from Normandie to La Vendee — while the unfilled 
 fields, the ruined granaries, the half-deserted villages, all 
 attested the depopulation of the land, those talismanic words 
 " l'Empereur et la gloire," by some magic mechanism, seemed 
 all-sufficient not only to repress regret and suffering, but 
 even stimulate pride and nourish valor ; and even yet, 
 when it might be supposed that, like the brilliant glass of a 
 magic-lantern, the gaudy pageant had passed away, leaving 
 only the darkness and desolation behind it— the memory 
 of those days under the empire survives untarnished and 
 unimpaired, and every sacrifice of friends or fortune is ac- 
 counted but little in the balance, when the honor of La 
 Belle France and the triumphs of the grand " arme'e " are 
 weighed against them. The infatuated and enthusiastic fol- 
 lowers of this great man would seem, in some respects, to 
 resemble the drunkard in the " Vaudeville," who alleged as 
 his excuse for drinking, that whenever he was sober his 
 poverty disgusted him. "My cabin," said he, "is a cell, 
 my wife a mass of old rags, my child a wretched object of 
 misery and malady. but give me brandy ; let me only have
 
 HA RR ) ' L ORR E Q ITER. 2 5 1 
 
 that, and then my hut is a palace, my wife is a princess, and 
 my child the very picture of health and happiness ; so 
 with these people — intoxicated with the triumphs of their 
 nation " tete montee" with victory— they cannot exist in the 
 horror of sobriety which peace necessarily enforces ; and 
 whenever the subject turns in conversation upon the dis- 
 tresses of the time or the evil prospects of the country, they 
 call out, not like the drunkard for brandy, but in the same 
 spirit they say — " Ah, if you would again see France flourish- 
 •ing and happy, let us once more have our croix d'honneur, 
 our e'paulettes, our voluntary contributions, our Murillos, 
 our Velasquez, our spoils from Venice, and our increased 
 territories to rule over." This is the language of the Bona- 
 partists everywhere, and at all seasons ; and the mass of 
 the nation is wonderfully disposed to participate in the sen- 
 timent. The empire was the yEneid of the nation, and 
 Napoleon the only hero they could believe in. You may 
 satisfy yourself of this easily. Every cafe will give evidence 
 of it, every society bears its testimony to it, and even the most 
 wretched Vaudeville, however trivial the interest — however 
 meagre the story and poor the diction, let the emperor but 
 have his "role" — let him be as laconic as possible, carry 
 his hands behind his back, bear the well-known cocked-hat 
 and the " redingote grise " — the success is certain — every sen- 
 tence he utters is applauded, and not a single allusion to the 
 Pyramids, the sun of Austerlitz, l'honneur, et la vieille garde, 
 but is sure to bring down thunders of acclamation. But I 
 am forgetting myself, and perhaps my reader too ; the con- 
 versation of the old gendarme accidentally led me into re- 
 flections like these, and he was well calculated, in many 
 ways, to call them forth. His devoted attachment — his per- 
 sonal love of the emperor — of which he gave me some touch- 
 ing instances, was admirably illustrated by an incident, which 
 I am inclined to tell, and hope it may amuse the reader as 
 much as it did myself on hearing it. 
 
 When Napoleon had taken possession of the Papal do- 
 minions, as he virtually did, and carried off the pope, Pius 
 VI., to Paris, this old soldier, then a musketeer in the Garde, 
 formed part of the company that mounted guard over the 
 holy father. During the earlier months of the holy father's 
 confinement, he was at liberty to leave his apartments at 
 any hour he pleased, and cross the courtyard of the palace 
 to the chapel where he performed mass. At such moment
 
 252 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 the portion of the Imperial Guard then on duty stood under 
 arms, and received from the august hand of the pope his 
 benediction as he passed. But one morning a hasty express 
 arrived from the Tuileries, and the officer on duty communi- 
 cated his instructions to his party, that the apostolic vicar 
 was not to be permitted to pass, as heretofore, to the chapel, 
 and that a most rigid superintendence was to be exercised 
 over his movements. My poor companion had his turn for 
 duty on that ill-starred day ; he had not been long at his 
 post when the sofind of footsteps was heard approaching, 
 and he soon saw the procession which always attended the 
 holy father to his devotions, advancing toward him ; he im- 
 mediately placed himself across the passage, and with his 
 musket in rest, barred the exit, declaring, at the same time, 
 that such were his orders. In vain the priests who formed 
 the cortege addressed themselves to his heart, and spoke 
 to his feelings ; and at last, finding little success by these 
 methods, explained to him the mortal sin and crime for which 
 eternal damnation itself might not be a too heavy retribu- 
 tion if he persisted in preventing his holiness to pass, and 
 thus be a means of opposing an obstacle to the head of the 
 whole Catholic church for celebrating the mass. The sol- 
 dier remained firm and unmoved, the only answer he re- 
 turned being "that he had his orders and dared not disobey 
 them." The pope, however, persisted in his resolution and 
 endeavored to get by, when the hardy veteran retreated a 
 step, and placing his musket and bayonet at the charge, 
 called out : " Au nom de l'Empereur," when the pious party 
 at last yielded and slowly retired within the palace. 
 
 Not many days after, this severe restriction was recalled, 
 and once more the holy father was permitted to goto and from 
 the chapel to the palace, at such times as he pleased ; and again 
 as before, in passing the corridor, the guards presented arms 
 and received the holy benediction, all except one ; upon him 
 the head of the church frowned severely, and turned his back, 
 while extending his pious hands toward the others. "And 
 yet," said the poor fellow, in concluding his story, " and yet 
 I could not have done otherwise ; I had my orders and must 
 have followed them, and had the emperor commanded it, 1 
 should have run my bayonet through the body of the holy 
 father himself." 
 
 " Thus, you see, my dear sir, how I have loved the emperor, 
 for I have many a day stood under fire for him in this
 
 HARR i ' LORREQUER. 253 
 
 world, ' et il faut que faille encore an feu pour lui apres ma 
 mort: " 
 
 He received in good part the consolations I offered him 
 on this head ; but I plainly saw they did not, could not, re- 
 lieve his mind from the horrible conviction he lay under, that 
 his soul's safety forever had been bartered for his attachment 
 to the emperor. 
 
 The story had brought us to the end of the third bottle of 
 Medoc ; and, as I was neither the pope, nor had any very 
 decided intentions of saying mass, he offered no obstacle to 
 my retiring for the night, and betaking myself to my bed. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 THE INN At chantraine. 
 
 When contrasted with the comforts of an English bedroom, 
 in a good hotel, how miserably short does the appearance of 
 a French one fall in the estimation of the tired traveller. In 
 exchange for the carpeted floor, the well-curtained windows, 
 the richly tapestried bed, the well-cushioned arm-chair, and 
 the innumerable other luxuries which await him, he has 
 naught but a narrow, uncurtained bed, a bare floor, oc- 
 casionally a flagged one, three hard cane-bottomed chairs, 
 and a looking-glass which may convey an idea of how you 
 would look under the combined influence of the cholera and 
 a stroke of apoplexy, one-half of your face being twice the 
 length of the other, and the entire of it a bluish-green tint — 
 pretty enough in one of Turner's landscapes, but not at all 
 becoming when applied to the " human face divine." Let no 
 late arrival from the Continent contradict me here by his late 
 experiences, which a stray twenty pounds and the railroads 
 — confound them for the same — have enabled him to acquire. 
 I speak of matters before it occurred to all Charing Cross 
 and Cheapside to " take the water" between Dover and Calais 
 and inundate the world with the wit of the Cider Cellar and 
 the Hole in the Wall. No ! In the days I write of the 
 travelled were of another genus, and you might dine at Very's, 
 or have your loge at " Les Italiens," without being dunned 
 by your tailor at the one, or confronted with your washer- 
 Woman at the other. Perhaps I have written all this in the
 
 254 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 spite and malice of a man who feels that his louis-d'or only 
 goes hah as far now as heretofore, and attributes all his 
 diminished enjoyments and restricted luxuries to the unceas- 
 ing current of his countrymen, whom fate and the law of 
 imprisonment for debt impel hither. Whether I am so far 
 guilty or not is not now the question ; suffice it to say that 
 Harry Lorrequer, for reasons best known to himself, lives 
 abroad, where he will be most happy to see any of his old and 
 former friends who take his quarters en route; and, in the 
 words of a bellicose brother of the pen, but in a far different 
 spirit, he would add, " that any person who feels himself here 
 alluded to may learn the author's address at his publishers." 
 " Now let us go back to our muttons," as Barney Coyle used 
 to say in the Dublin Library formerly — for Barney was fond 
 of French allusions, which occasionally, too, he gave in their 
 own tongue, as once describing an interview with Lord 
 Cloncurry, in which he broke off suddenly the conference, 
 adding, " I told him I never would consent to such a proposi- 
 tion, and putting my chateau (chapcau) on my head, I left 
 the house at once." 
 
 It was nearly three o'clock in the morning, as, accompanied 
 by the waiter, who, like others of his tribe, had become a kind 
 of somnambulist e.x-offi.a'o, I wended my way up one flight of 
 stairs, and down another, along a narrow corridor, down two 
 steps, through an ante-chamber, and into another corridor, 
 to No. 82, my habitation for the night. Why I should have 
 been so far conducted from the habitable portion of the house 
 I had spent my evening in, I leave the learned in such mat- 
 ters to explain ; as for me, I have ever remarked it, while 
 asking for a chamber in a large roomy hotel, the singular 
 pride with which you are ushered up grand staircases, down 
 passages, through corridors, and up narrow back flights, till 
 the blue sky is seen through the sky-light, to No. 199, " the 
 only spare bedroom in the house," while the silence and des- 
 olation of the whole establishment would seem to imply 
 far otherwise — the only evidence of occupation being a pair 
 of dirty Wellingtons at the door of No. 72. 
 
 " Well, we have arrived at last," said [, drawing a deep 
 sigh as I threw myself upon a rickety chair, and surveyed 
 rapidly my meagre-looking apartment. 
 
 " Yes, this is Monsieur's chamber," said the waiter, with a 
 very peculiar look, half servile, half dull. " Madame se 
 couche, No. 28,"
 
 //. I A' A' V I. ORREQ i 'I; K. 255 
 
 " Very well, good-night," said I, closing the door hastily, 
 and not liking the further scrutiny of the fellow's eye, as he 
 fastened it on me, as if to search what precise degree of re- 
 lationship existed between myself and my fair friend, whom 
 he had called " Madame " purposely to elicit an observation 
 from me. " Ten to one though," said I, as I undressed my- 
 self, " but they think she is my wife — how good — but again 
 — ay, it is very possible, considering we are in France. 
 Numero vingt-huit — quite far enough from this part of the 
 house, I should suppose from my number. That old gen- 
 darme was a fine fellow — what strong attachment to Napol- 
 eon ; and the story of the pope ; I hope I may remember 
 that. Isabella, my poor girl — this adventure must really dis- 
 tress her — hope she is not crying over it — what a devil of a 
 hard bed — and it is not five feet long, too — and, bless my 
 soul, is this all by way of covering ? why, I shall be perished 
 here. Oh ! I must certainly put all my clothes over me 
 in addition ; unfortunately, there is no hearth-rug — well, 
 there is no help for it now — so let me try to sleep — num^ro 
 vingt-huit." 
 
 How long I remained in a kind of uneasy, fitful slumber, I 
 cannot tell ; but I awoke shivering with cold — puzzled to tell 
 where I was, and my brain addled with the broken fragments 
 of half a dozen dreams, all mingling and mixing themselves 
 with the unpleasant realities of my situation. What an in- 
 fernal contrivance for a bed, thought I, as my head came 
 thump against the top, while my legs projected far beyond 
 the foot-rail ; the miserable portion of clothing over me at 
 the same time being only sufficient to temper the night air, 
 which in autumn is occasionally severe and cutting. This 
 will never do. I must ring the bell and rouse the house, if 
 only to get a fire, if they don't possess such a thing as blankets. 
 I immediately rose, and groping my way along the wall, 
 endeavored to discover the bell. But in vain ; and for the 
 same satisfactory reason that Von Troil did not devote one 
 chapter of his work on " Iceland " to " snakes," because there 
 were none such there. What was now to be done ? About 
 the geography of my present abode I knew, perhaps, as much 
 as the public at large know about the Coppermine river, and 
 Behring's Straits. The world, it was true, was before me, 
 "whereto choose," admirable things for an epic, but de- 
 cidedly an unfortunate circumstance for a very cold gentle- 
 man in search of a blanket. Thus thinking, I opened the
 
 l$6 U A k U I ' /. OK A' KQ t 'Mk. 
 
 door of my chamber, and not in any way resolved how I 
 should proceed, I stepped forth into the long corridor, which 
 was dark as midnight itself. 
 
 Tracing my path along the wall, I soon reached a door 
 which I in vain attempted to open ; in another moment I 
 found another and another, each of which were locked. Thus 
 along the entire corridor I felt my way, making every effort 
 to discover where any of the people of the house might have 
 concealed themselves, but without success. What was to be 
 done now ? It was of no use to go back to my late abode, 
 and find it comfortless as I left it ; so I resolved to proceed 
 in my search. By this time I had arrived at the top of a 
 small flight of stairs, which I remembered having come up, 
 and which led to another long passage similar to the one I 
 had explored, but running in a transverse direction. Down 
 this I now crept, and reached the landing, along the wall of 
 which I was guided by my hand, as well for safety as to dis- 
 cover the architrave of some friendly door, where the in- 
 habitant might be sufficiently Samaritan to lend some portion 
 of his bed-clothes ; door after door followed in succession 
 along this confounded passage, which I began to think as 
 long as the gallery of the lower one. At last, however, just 
 as my heart was sinking within me from disappointment, the 
 handle of a lock turned, and I found myself inside a chamber. 
 How was I now to proceed ? for if this apartment did not 
 contain any of the people of the hotel, I had but a sorry 
 excuse for disturbing the repose of any traveller who might 
 have been more fortunate than myself in the article of 
 blankets. To go back, however, would be absurd, having 
 already taken so much trouble to find out a room that was 
 inhabited — for that such was the case, a short, thick snore 
 assured me — so that my resolve was at once made, to waken 
 the sleeper, and endeavor to interest him in my destitute 
 situation. I accordingly approached the place where the 
 nasal sound seemed to issue from, and soon reached the post 
 of a bed. I waited for an instant, and then began : 
 
 " Monsieur, voulez-vous bien me permettre " 
 
 " As to short whist 1 never could make it out, so there is 
 an end of it," said my unknown friend, in a low, husky voice 
 which, strangely enough, was not totally unfamiliar to me : 
 but when or how I had heard it before I could not then 
 think. 
 
 Well, thought I, lie is an -Englishman, at all events* so I
 
 HARRY LORREQl ~i:k 257 
 
 hope his patriotism may forgive my intrusion, so here goes 
 once more to rouse him, though he seems a confoundedly 
 heavy sleeper. " I beg your pardon, sir, but unfortunately, 
 in a point like the present, perhaps " 
 
 " Well, do you mark the points, and I'll score the rubber," 
 said he. 
 
 " The devil take the gambling fellow's dreaming," thought 
 I, raising my voice at the same time. 
 
 " Perhaps a cold night, sir, may suffice as my apology." 
 
 " Cold, oh, ay ! put a hot poker in it," muttered he ; "a 
 hot poker, a little sugar, and a piece of nutmeg — nothing else 
 — then it's delicious." 
 
 " Upon my soul, this is too bad," said I to myself. " Let 
 us see what shaking will do. Sir, sir, I shall feel obliged 
 by " 
 
 "Well, there, don't shake me, and I'll tell you where I hid 
 the cigars — they are under my straw hat in the window." 
 
 " Well, really," thought I, " if this gentleman's confessions 
 were of an interesting nature, this might be good fun ; but 
 as the night is cold, I must shorten the ' seance,' so here 
 goes for one effort more." 
 
 " If, sir, you could kindly spare me even a small portion 
 of your bed-clothes." 
 
 " No, thank you, no more wine ; but I'll sing with pleasure : " 
 and here the wretch, in something like the voice of a frog 
 with the quinsy, began, '' ; I'd mourn the hopes that leave 
 me.' " " You shall mourn something else for the same 
 reason," said I, as, losing all patience, I seized quilt and 
 blankets by the corner, and with one vigorous pull wrenched 
 them from the bed, and darted from the room — in a second I 
 was in the corridor, trailing my spoil behind — which, in my 
 haste, I had not time to collect in a bundle. I flew rather 
 than ran along the passage, reached the stairs, and in another 
 minute had reached the second gallery, but not before I heard 
 the slam of a door behind me, and the same instant the foot- 
 steps of a person running along the corridor, who could be 
 no other than my pursuer, effectually aroused by my last 
 appeal to his charity. I darted along the dark and narrow- 
 passage ; but soon, to my horror, discovered that I must have- 
 passed the door of my chamber, for I had reached the foot 
 of a narrow back stair, which led to the grenier and the serv- 
 ants' rooms, beneath the roof. To turn now only would have 
 led me plump in the face of my injured countryman, of whose 
 
 *7
 
 25S HARRY LORRI-Xn-RR. 
 
 thew and sinew I was perfectly ignorant, and did not much 
 like to venture upon. There was little time for reflection, 
 for he had now reached the top of the stair, and was evi- 
 dently listening for some clew to guide him on ; stealthily and 
 silently, and scarcely drawing breath, I mounted the narrow 
 stairs, step by step, but before I had arrived at the landing, 
 he heard the rustle of the bed-clothes, and again gave chase. 
 There was something in the unrelenting ardor of his pur- 
 suit which suggested to my mind the idea of a most uncom- 
 promising foe ; and as fear added speed to my steps, I dashed 
 along beneath the low-roofed passage, wondering what chance 
 of escape would yet present itself. Just at this instant, the 
 hand by which I had guided myself along the wall touched 
 the handle of a door — I turned it — it opened — I drew in my 
 precious bundle, and closing the door noiselessly, sat down, 
 breathless and still, upon the floor. 
 
 Scarcely was this, the work of a second, accomplished, 
 when the heavy tread of my pursuer resounded on the 
 floor. 
 
 " Upon my conscience, it's strange if I haven't you now, 
 my friend," said he ; " you're in a cul de sac here, as they 
 say, if I know anything of the house ; and faith I'll make a 
 salad of you, when I get you, that's all. Devil a dirtier trick 
 ever I heard tell of." 
 
 Need I say that these words had the true smack of an 
 Irish accent, which circumstance, from whatever cause, did 
 not by any means tend to assuage my fears in the event of 
 discovery. 
 
 However, from such a misfortune my good genius now 
 delivered me ; for after traversing the passage to the end, he 
 at last discovered another, which led by a long flight to the 
 second story, down which he proceeded, venting at every 
 step his determination for vengeance and his resolution not to 
 desist from the pursuit, if it took the entire night for it. 
 
 " Well now," thought 1, "as he will scarcely venture up 
 here again, and as I may, by leaving this, be only incurring 
 the risk of encountering him, my best plan is to stay where 
 I am, if it be possible." With this intent I proceeded to 
 explore the apartment, which from its perfect stillness I con- 
 cluded to be unoccupied. After some few minutes' groping 
 I reached a low bed, fortunately empty, and although the 
 touch of the bed-clothes led to no very favorable augury of 
 its neatness or elegance, there was little choice at this mo-
 
 //. / A RY L ORREQUER. 259 
 
 ment, so I rolled myself up in my recent booty, and resolved 
 to wait patiently fur daybreak to regain my apartment. 
 
 As always happens in such circumstances, sleep came on 
 me unawares — so at least every one's experience I am sure 
 can testify, that if you are forced to wake early to start by 
 some morning coach, and that unfortunately you have not got 
 to bed till late at night, the chances are ten to one that you 
 get no sleep whatever, simply because you are desirous for 
 it ; but make up your mind ever so resolutely that you'll not 
 sleep, and whether your determination be built on motives of 
 propriety, duty, convenience, or health, and the chances are 
 just as strong that you are sound and snoring before ten 
 minutes. How many a man has found it impossible, with 
 every effort of his heart and brain aiding his good wishes, 
 to sit with unclosed eyes and ears through a dull sermon in 
 the dog-days ; how many an expectant longing heir has 
 yielded to the drowsy influence when endeavoring to look 
 contrite under the severe correction of a lecture on extrava- 
 gance from his uncle. Who has not felt the irresistible ten- 
 dency to " drop off " in the half-hour before dinner at a stupid 
 country house ? I need not catalogue the thousand other 
 situations in life infinitely more "sleep-compelling" than 
 morphine, for myself ; my pleasantest and soundest moments 
 of perfect forgetfulness of this dreary world and all its cares 
 have been taken on an oaken bench, seated bolt upright and 
 vis a vis to a lecturer on botany, whose calming accents, 
 united with the softened light of an autumnal day, piercing 
 its difficult rays through the narrow and cob webbed windows, 
 the odor of the recent plants and flowers aiding and abetting, 
 all combined to steep the soul in sleep, and you sank by im- 
 perceptible and gradual steps into that state of easy slumber 
 in which " come no dreams," and the last sounds of the 
 lecturer's " hypogenous and perigenous " died away, becom- 
 ing beautifully less, till your senses sank into rest, the syllables 
 " rigging us, rigging us " seemed to melt away in the distance 
 
 and fade from your memory Peace be with you, Dr. 
 
 A. If I owe gratitude anywhere, I have my debt with you. 
 The very memory I bear of you has saved me no inconsider- 
 able sum in hop and henbane. Without any assistance from 
 the sciences on the present occasion, I was soon asleep, and 
 woke not till the cracking of whips and the trampling of 
 horses' feet on the pavement of the coach-yard apprised me 
 that the world had risen to its daily labor, and so should I.
 
 260 HARRY I ( WREQUER. 
 
 From the short survey of my present chamber, which I took 
 on waking, I conjectured it must have been the den of some 
 of the servants of the house upon occasion — two low truckle- 
 beds of the meanest description lay along the wall opposite 
 to mine ; one of them appeared to have been slept in during 
 the past night, but by what species of animal the Fates alone 
 can tell. An old demi-peak saddle, capped and tipped with 
 brass, some rusty bits and stray stirrup-irons, lay here and 
 there upon the floor ; while upon a species of clothes-rack, 
 attached to a rafter, hung a tarnished suit of postilion's livery, 
 cap, jacket, leathers, jack-boots, all ready for use ; and 
 evidently from their arrangement supposed by the owner to 
 be rather a creditable " turn-out." 
 
 I turned over these singular habiliments with much of the 
 curiosity with which an antiquary would survey a suit of 
 chain armor, the long epaulets of yellow cotton cord, the 
 heavy belt, with its brass buckle, the cumbrous boots, plaited 
 and bound with iron like churns, were in rather a ludicrous 
 contrast to the equipment of our light and jockey-like boys, 
 in nankeen jackets and neat tops, that spin along over our 
 level "macadam." 
 
 " But," thought I, " it is full time I should get back to No. 
 82, and make my appearance below stairs ; " though in what 
 part of the building my room lay, and how I was to reach it 
 without my clothes, I had not the least idea. A blanket is an 
 excessively comfortable article of wearing apparel when in 
 bed, but as a walking costume is by no means convenient or 
 appropriate, while to making a sortie en sauvage, however ap- 
 propriate during the night, there were many serious objections 
 if done " en plein jour " and with the whole establishment 
 awake and active. The noise of mopping, scrubbing, and 
 polishing, which is eternally going forward in a foreign inn, 
 amply testified there was nothing which I could adopt in my 
 present naked and forlorn condition save the bizarre and 
 ridiculous dress of the postilion, and I need not say the 
 thought of so doing presented nothing agreeable. I looked 
 from the narrow window out upon the tiled roof, but without 
 any prospect of being heard if I called ever so loudly. 
 
 The infernal noise of floor cleansing, assisted by a Norman 
 peasant's "chanson du pays." the time being well marked by 
 her heavy sabots, gave even less chance to me within ; so that 
 after more than half an hour passed in weighing difficulties 
 and canvassing plans, upon donning the blue and yellow, and
 
 HARRY LORREQUJSR. 261 
 
 setting out for my own room without delay, hoping sincerely 
 that, with proper precaution, I should be able to reach it 
 unseen and unobserved. 
 
 As I laid but little stress upon the figure I should make 
 in my new habiliments, it did not cause me much morti- 
 fication to find that the clothes were considerably too small, 
 the jacket scarcely coming beneath my arms and the sleeves 
 being so short that my hands and wrists projected beyond 
 the cuffs like two enormous claws, the leathers were also 
 limited in their length, and when drawn up to a proper 
 height, permitted my knees to be seen beneath like the short 
 costume of a Spanish Tauridor, but scarcely as graceful ; 
 not wishing to encumber myself in the heavy and noisy 
 masses of wood, iron, and leather they call "les bottes 
 fortes," I slipped my feet into my slippers, and stole gently 
 from the room. How I must have looked at the moment I 
 leave my reader to guess, as with anxious and stealthy pace 
 f crept along the low gallery that led to the narrow staircase, 
 down which I proceeded, step by step; but just as I reached 
 the bottom, perceived a little distance from me, with her 
 back turned toward me, a short, squat peasant on her knees, 
 laboring with a brush the well-waxed floor ; to pass, there- 
 fore, unobserved, was impossible, so that I did not hesitate 
 to address her, and endeavor to interest her in my behalf, 
 and enlist her as my guide. 
 
 " Bonjour, ma chere," said I, in a soft insinuating tone ; 
 she did not hear me, so I repeated : 
 
 " Bonjour, ma chere, bonjour." 
 
 Upon this she turned round, and looking fixedly at me 
 for a second, called out in a thick patois, " Ah, le bon Dieu ! 
 qu'il est drole com me ca, Francois, savez-vous, mais ce 
 nest pas Francois," saying which she sprang from her 
 kneeling position to her feet, and with a speed that her shape 
 and sabots seemed little to promise, rushed down the stairs as 
 if she had seen the devil himself. 
 
 " Why, what is the matter with the woman ? " said I, 
 " surely if I am not Francois — which, God be thanked, 
 is true — yet I cannot look so frightful as all this would 
 imply." I had not much time given me for consideration 
 now, for before I had well deciphered the number over a 
 door before me, the loud noise of several voices on the floor 
 beneath attracted my attention, and the moment after the 
 h^eavy tramp of feet followed, and in an instant the gallery
 
 262 HARK Y L ORREQ i 'ER. 
 
 was thronged by the men and women of the house — waiters, 
 hostlers, cooks, scullions, filles de chambre, mingled with 
 gendarmes, peasants, and townspeople, all eagerly forcing 
 their way up stairs ; yet all, on arriving at the landing-place, 
 seemed disposed to keep at a respectful distance, and bun- 
 dling themselves at one end of the corridor, while I, feel- 
 ingly alive to the ridiculous appearance I made, occupied the 
 other — the gravity with which they seemed at first disposed 
 to regard me soon gave way, and peal after peal of laughter 
 broke out, and young and old, men and women, even to the 
 most farouche gendarmes, all appearing incapable of con- 
 trolling the desire for merriment my most singular figure 
 inspired ; and unfortunately, this emotion seemed to promise 
 no very speedy conclusion, for the jokes and witticisms made 
 upon my appearance threatened to renew the festivities, ad 
 libitum. 
 
 " Regardez done ses epaules," said one. 
 
 " Ah, mon Dieu ! II me fait l'idee d'une grenouille avec ses 
 jambes jaunes," cried another. 
 
 " II vaut son pesant de fromage pour un Vaudeville," 
 said the director of the strolling theatre of the place. 
 
 "I'll give seventy francs a week, ' d'appointement,' and 
 ' Scribe ' shall write a piece express for himself, if he'll take- 
 it." 
 
 " May the devil fly away with your grinning baboon faces," 
 said I, as I rushed up the stairs again, pursued by the mob 
 at full cry ; scarcely, however, had I reached the top step, 
 when the rough hand of the gendarme seized me by the 
 shoulder, while he said in a low, husky voice, " e'est inutile, 
 monsieur, you cannot escape — the thing was well contrived, 
 it is true ; but the gendarmes of France are not easily out- 
 witted, and you could not have long avoided detection, even 
 in that dress." It was my turn to laugh now ; which, to 
 their very great amazement, I did, loud and long, that I 
 should have thought my present costume could ever have 
 been the means of screening me from observation, however 
 it might have been calculated to attract it, was rather too 
 absurd a supposition even for the mayor of a village to 
 entertain ; besides, it only now occurred to me that I was 
 figuring in the character of a prisoner. The continued peals 
 of laughing which this mistake on their part elicited from 
 me seemed to afford but slight pleasure to my captor, who 
 gruffly said :
 
 HA RR V L ORREQ UKR. 2 63 
 
 11 When you have done amusing yourself, mon ami, perhaps 
 you will do us the favor to come before the mayor." 
 
 "Certainly," I replied; "but you will first permit me to 
 resume my own clothes, I am quite sick of masquerading 
 ' enpostitton?. " 
 
 " Not so fast, my friend," said the suspicious old follower 
 of Fouche — " not so fast ; it is but right the moire should see 
 you in the disguise you attempted your escape in. It must 
 be especially mentioned in the proces verbal.'''' 
 
 "Well, this is becoming too ludicrous," said I. " It need 
 not take five minutes to satisfy you why, how, and where I 
 put on these confounded rags " 
 
 " Then tell it to the maire at the Bureau." 
 
 " But for that purpose it is not necessary I should be 
 conducted through the streets in broad day, to be laughed 
 at. No, positively, I'll not go. In my own dress, I'll ac- 
 company you with pleasure." 
 
 " Victor, Henri, Guillaume," said the gendarme, address- 
 ing his companions, who immediately closed round me. 
 "You see," added he, " there is no use in resisting." 
 
 Need I recount my own shame and ineffable disgrace ? 
 Alas ! it is too, too true. Harry Lorrequer — whom Stultze 
 entreated to wear his coats, the ornament of Hyde Park, the 
 last appeal in dress, fashion, and equipage — was obliged to 
 parade through the mob of a market town in France, with 
 four gendarmes for his companions, and he himself habited 
 in a mongrel character — half postilion, half Delaware Indian. 
 The incessant yells of laughter, — the screams of the children, 
 and the outpouring of every species of sarcasm and ridicule, 
 at my expense, were not all, for as I emerged from the />(>/■/<• 
 lochcre, I saw Isabella in the window ; her eyes were red 
 with weeping ; but no sooner had she beheld me, than she 
 broke out into a fit of laughter, that was audible even in the 
 street. 
 
 Rage had now taken such a hold upon me, that I forgot 
 my ridiculous appearance in my thirst for vengeance. 1 
 marched on through the grinning crowd, with the step of a 
 martyr. I suppose my heroic bearing and warlike deport- 
 ment must have heightened the drollery of the scene ; for 
 the devils only laughed the more. The bureau of the maire 
 could not contain one-tenth of the anxious and curious in- 
 dividuals who thronged the entrance, and for about twenty 
 minutes the whole efforts of the gendarmes were little enough
 
 264 HARRY I.ORRF.Qrh.R. 
 
 to keep order and maintain silence. At length the maire 
 made his appearance, and accustomed as he had been for a 
 long life to scenes of an absurd and extraordinary nature, 
 yet the ridicule of my look and costume was too much, and 
 he laughed outright. This was of course the signal for 
 renewed mirth for the crowd, while those without doors, 
 infected by the example, took up the jest, and I had the 
 pleasure of a short calculation, a la Babbage, of how many 
 maxillary jaws were at that same moment wagging at my 
 expense. 
 
 However, the examination commenced ; and I at length 
 obtained an opportunity of explaining under what circum- 
 stances I had left my room, and how and why I had been 
 induced to don this confounded cause of all my misery. 
 
 "This maybe very true," said the maire, "as it is very 
 plausible ; if you have evidence to prove what you have 
 stated " 
 
 " If it's evidence only is wanting, Mr. Maire, I'll confirm 
 one part of the story," said a voice in the crowd, in an accent 
 and tone that assured me the speaker was the injured pro- 
 prietor of the stolen blankets. I turned round hastily to 
 look at my victim, and what was my surprise to recognize a 
 very old Dublin acquaintance, Mr. Fitzmaurice O'Leary. 
 
 " Good morning, Mr. Lorrequer," said he ; " this is mighty 
 like our old practices in College Green ; but, upon my con- 
 science, the maire has the advantage of Gabbet. It's lucky 
 for you I know his worship, as we'd call him at home, or this 
 might be a serious business. Nothing would persuade them 
 that you were not Lucien Buonaparte, or the iron mask, or 
 something of that sort, if they took it into their heads." 
 
 Mr. O'Leary was as good as his word. In a species of 
 French, that I'd venture to say would be perfectly intelligible 
 in Mullingar, he contrived to explain to the maire that I was 
 neither a runaway nor a swindler, but a very old friend of 
 his, and consequently sans rcproche. The official was now 
 as profuse of his civilities as he had before been of his sus- 
 picions, and most hospitably pressed us to stay for breakfast. 
 This, for many reasons, I was obliged to decline — not the 
 least of which was my impatience to get out of my present 
 costume. We accordingly procured a carriage, and I re- 
 turned to the hotel, screened from the gaze, but still accom- 
 panied by the shouts of the mob, who evidently took a most 
 lively interest in the entire proceeding.
 
 HARh'Y LORREQUER. 265 
 
 I lost no time in changing my costume, and was about to 
 descend to the saloon when the master of the house came to 
 inform me that Mrs. Bingham's courier had arrived with the 
 carriage, and that she expected us at Amiens as soon as 
 possible. 
 
 "That is all right. Now, Mr. O'Leary, I must pray you 
 to forgive all the liberty 1 have taken with you, and also per- 
 mit me to defer the explanation of many circumstances which 
 seem at present strange, till " 
 
 " Till sine die, if the story be a long one, my dear sir — 
 there's nothing I hate so much, except cold punch." 
 
 " You are going to Paris," said I ; "is it not so ? " 
 
 " Yes, I'm thinking of it. I was up at Trolhatten, in Nor- 
 way, three weeks ago, and I was obliged to leave it hastily, 
 for I've an appointment with a friend in Geneva." 
 
 " Then how do you travel ? " 
 
 " On foot, just as you see, except that I've a tobacco bag 
 upstairs, and an umbrella." 
 
 " Light equipment, certainly ; but you must allow me to 
 give you a set down as far as Amiens, and also to present 
 you to my friends there." 
 
 To this Mr. O'Leary made no objection ; and as Miss 
 Bingham could not bear any delay, in her anxiety to join her 
 mother, we set out at once — the only thing to mar my full 
 enjoymeut at the moment being the sight of the identical 
 vestments I had so lately figured in, bobbing up and down 
 before my eyes for the whole length of the stage, and leading 
 to innumerable mischievous allusions from my friend Mr. 
 O'Leary, which were far too much relished by my fair com- 
 panion. 
 
 At twelve we arrived at Amiens, when I presented my 
 friend Mr. O'Leary to Mrs. Bingham. 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIL 
 
 MR. O'LEARY. 
 
 At the conclusion of my last chapter, I was about to in- 
 troduce to my reader's acquaintance my friend Mr. O'Leary ; 
 and, as lie is destined to occupy some place in the history of 
 these Confessions, I may, perhaps, be permitted to do so at
 
 266 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 more length than his intrinsic merit at first sight might appear 
 to warrant. 
 
 Mr. O'Leary was, and T am induced to believe is, a par- 
 ticularly short, fat, greasy-looking gentleman, with a head as 
 free from phrenological development as a billiard-ball, and a 
 countenance which, in feature and color, nearly resembled 
 the face of a cherub, carved in oak, as we see them in old 
 pulpits. 
 
 Short as is his stature, his limbs compose the least part of 
 it. His hands and feet, forming some compensation by their 
 ample proportions, give to his entire air and appearance some- 
 what the look of a small fish, with short, thick fins, vulgarly 
 called a cobbler's thumb. His voice, varying in cadence 
 from a deep baritone to a high falsetto, maintains through- 
 out the distinctive characteristic of a Dublin accent and 
 pronunciation, and he talks of the " veel of Ovoca, and a 
 beef-sfeck," with some pride of intonation. What part of the 
 island he came originally from, or what may be his age, are 
 questions I have the most profound ignorance of; I have 
 heard many anecdotes which would imply his being what the 
 French call "d'un age miir" — but his own observations are 
 generally limited to events occurring since the peace of 
 "fifteen." To his personal attractions, such as they are. he 
 has never been solicitous of contributing by the meretricious 
 aids of dress. His coat, calculating from its length of waist 
 and ample skirt, would fit Dumbo Green, while his trousers, 
 being made of some cheap and shrinking material, have 
 gradually contracted their limits and look now exactly like 
 knee-breeches, without the usual buttons at the bottom. 
 
 These, with the addition of a pair of green spectacles, the 
 glass of one being absent, and permitting the lookout of a 
 sharp gray eye, twinkling with drollery and good humor, 
 form the most palpable of his externals. In point of char- 
 acter they who best knew him represented him as the best- 
 tempered, best-hearted fellow breathing; ever ready to assist 
 a friend, and always postponing his own plans and his own 
 views, when he had any, to the wishi s and intentions of 
 others. Among the many odd tilings about him was a con- 
 stant preference for travelling on foot, and a great pas- 
 sion for living abroad, both of which tastes he gratified, 
 although his size might seem to offer obstacles to the one, 
 and his total ignorance of even continental language would 
 appear to preclude the other; with a great liking for tobacco,
 
 //. I R R ) - / .< >UA'J-{ 1 1 T ER. 267 
 
 which lie smoked all day — a fondness for whist and malt 
 liquors — his antipathies were few; so that, except when 
 called upon to shave more than once in the week, or wash 
 his hands twice on the same day, it was difficult to dis- 
 concert him. His fortune was very ample; but although 
 his mode of living was neither very ostentatious nor costly, 
 he contrived always to spend his income. Such was the 
 gentleman I now presented to my friends, who, I must con- 
 fess, appeared strangely puzzled by his manner and appear- 
 ance. This feeling, however, soon wore off; and before he 
 had spent the morning in their company, he had made more 
 way in their good graces, and gone further to establish in- 
 timacy, than many a more accomplished person, with an un- 
 exceptionable coat and accurate whisker, might have effected 
 in a fortnight. What were his gifts in this way I am, alas ! 
 most deplorably ignorant of ; it was not, Heaven knows, 
 that he possessed any conversational talent — of successful 
 flattery he knew as much as a negro does of the national 
 debt, and yet the bonhomie of his character seemed to tell 
 at once; and I never knew him fail in any one instance to 
 establish an interest for himself before he had completed 
 the ordinary period of a visit. 
 
 I think it is Washington Irving who has so admirably 
 depicted the mortification of a dandy angler, who, with his 
 beaver garnished with brown hackles, his well-poised rod, 
 polished gaff, and handsome landing-net, with everything 
 befitting, spends his long summer day whipping a trout stream 
 without a rise or even a ripple to reward him, while a ragged 
 urchin, with a willow wand and a bent pin, not ten yards 
 distant, is covering the greensward with myriads of speckled 
 and scaly backs, from one pound weight to four ; so it is in 
 everything — " the race is not to the swift;" the elements of 
 success in life, whatever be the object of pursuit, are very, 
 very different from what we think of them at first sight, and 
 so it was with Mr. O'Leary ; and I have more than once 
 witnessed the triumph of his homely manner and blunt humor 
 over the more polished and well-bred taste of his competi- 
 tors for favor ; and what might have been the limit to 
 such success Heaven alone can tell, if it were not that he 
 labored under a counterbalancing infirmity, sufficient to 
 have swamped a line-of-battle ship itself. It was simply this 
 — a most unfortunate propensity to talk of the wrong place, 
 person, or time, in any society he found himself; and this
 
 2 68 II A RR V I.ORRF.QI *Eh\ 
 
 taste for the mal-a-propos extended so far, that no one ever 
 ventured into company with him as his friend, without 
 trembling for the result, but even this, I believe his only 
 fault, resulted from the natural goodness of his character 
 and intentions ; for believing as he did, in his honest sim- 
 plicity, that the arbitrary distinctions of class and rank were 
 held as cheaply by others as by himself, he felt small scruple 
 at recounting to a duchess a scene in a cabaret, and with as 
 little hesitation would he, if asked, have sung the "Cruiskeen 
 Lawn " or the "Jug of Punch," after Leblanche had finished 
 the " A Idea," from Figaro. Mauvaise hontc he had none ; 
 indeed, I am not sure he had any kind of shame whatever, 
 except possibly when detected with a coat that bore any 
 appearance of newness, or if ever persuaded to wear gloves, 
 which he ever considered as a special effeminacy. 
 
 Such, in a few words, was the gentleman I now presented 
 to my friends, and how far he insinuated himself into their 
 good graces let the fact tell, that on my return to the break- 
 fast-room, after about an hour's absence, I heard him detail- 
 ing the particulars of a route they were to take by his advice, 
 and also learned that he had been offered and had accepted 
 a seat in their carriage to Paris. 
 
 "Then I'll do myself the pleasure of joining your party, 
 Mrs. Bingham," said he. " Bingham, I think, madam, is 
 your name." 
 
 " Yes, sir." 
 
 "Any relation, may I ask, of a most clear friend of mine, 
 of the same name, from Currynaslattery, in the county 
 Wexford ? " 
 
 " I am really not aware," said Mrs. Bingham. " My 
 husband's family are, I believe, many of them from that 
 county." 
 
 " Ah, what a pleasant fellow was Tom ! " said Mr. O'Leary, 
 musingly, and with that peculiar tone which made me tremble, 
 for I knew that a reminiscence was coming. "A pleasant 
 fellow, indeed." 
 
 " Is he alive, sir, now ? " 
 
 " I believe so, ma'am ; but I hear the climate does not agree 
 with him." 
 
 " Ah, then, he's abroad ! In Italy, probably ?" 
 
 "No, ma'am, in Botany Bay. His brother, they say, 
 might have saved him, but he left poor Tom to his fate ; for 
 he was just then paying his court to a Miss Crow, 1 think,
 
 //.-/ a' k v to k k e or/-. a-. 269 
 
 With a large fortune. Oh, Lord, what have I said ? — it's 
 always the luck of me ! " The latter exclamation was the 
 result of a heavy saugh upon the floor, Mrs. Bingham having 
 fallen in a faint — she being the identical lady alluded to, and 
 her husband the brother of pleasant Tom Bingham. 
 
 To hurl Mr. O'Leary out of the room by one hand, and 
 ring the bell with the other, was the work of a moment ; and 
 with proper care, and in due time, Mrs. Bingham was brought 
 to herself, when, most fortunately, she entirely forgot the 
 cause of her sudden indisposition ; and of course neither 
 her daughter nor myself suffered any clew to escape us which 
 might lead to its discovery. 
 
 When we were once more upon the road, to efface, if it 
 might be necessary, any unpleasant recurrence to the late 
 scene, I proceeded to give Airs. Bingham an account of my 
 adventure at Chantraine, in which, of course, I endeavored 
 to render my friend O'Leary all the honors of being laughed 
 at in preference to myself, laying little stress upon my mas- 
 querading in the jack-boots. 
 
 " You are quite right," said O'Leary, joining in the hearty 
 laugh against him, " quite right ; I was always a very heavy 
 sleeper — indeed, if I wasn't, I wouldn't be here now, travel- 
 ling about en garcon, free as air ; " here he heaved a sigh, 
 which, from its incongruity with his jovial look and happy 
 expression, threw us all into renewed laughter. 
 
 " But why, Mr. O'Leary — what can your sleepiness have 
 to do with such tender recollections, for such, I am sure, that 
 sigh bespeaks them ? " 
 
 " Ah ! ma'am, it may seem strange, but it is nevertheless 
 true, if it were not for that unfortunate tendency, I should now 
 be the happy possessor of a most accomplished and amiable 
 lady, and eight hundred per annum three and a half per cent, 
 stock." 
 
 " You overslept yourself on the wedding-day, I suppose." 
 
 " You shall hear, ma'am ; the story is a very short one. 
 It is now about eight years ago, I was rambling through the 
 south of France, and had just reached Lyons, where the 
 confounded pavement that sticks up like spears, with the 
 point upward, had compelled me to rest some days and 
 recruit ; for this purpose I installed myself in the pension of 
 Madame Gourgead, Rue de Petits Cannes, a quiet house — 
 where we dined at twelve, ten in number, upon about two 
 pounds of stewed beef, with garlic and carrots — a light soup.
 
 276 J/AA-K y LOA'A'/^X 'A'A'. 
 
 being the water which accompanied the same, to render it 
 tender in stewing — some preserved cherries, and an omelet, 
 with a pint bottle of Beaune, 6me qualite, I believe — a 
 species of pyroligneous wine made from the vine stalks, but 
 pleasant in summer with your salad ; then we played dom- 
 inoes in the evening, or whist for sous points, leading alto- 
 gether a very quiet and virtuous existence, or, as Madame 
 herself expressed it, ' une vie tout-a-fait patriarchale ; ' of this 
 I cannot myself affirm how far she was right in supposing the 
 patriarchs did exactly like us. But to proceed, in the same 
 establishment there lived a widow whose late husband had 
 been a wine merchant at Dijon — he had also, I suppose, from 
 residing in that country, been imitating the patriarchs, for he 
 died one day. Well, the lady was delayed at Lyons for some 
 law business, and thus it came about that her husband's tes- 
 tament and the sharp paving stones in the streets determined 
 we should be acquainted. I cannot express to you the 
 delight of my fair countrywoman at finding that a person 
 who spoke English had arrived at the pension — a feeling I 
 myself somewhat participated in, for, to say truth, I was not 
 at that time a very great proficient in French. We soon be- 
 came intimate, in less time probably than it would otherwise 
 have happened, for, from the ignorance of all the others of 
 one word of English, I was enabled during dinner to say 
 many soft and tender things, which one does not usually 
 venture on in company. 
 
 " 1 recounted my travels, and told various adventures of 
 my wanderings, till at last, from being merely amused, I 
 found that my fair friend began to be interested in my nar- 
 ratives ; and frequently, when passing the bouillon to her, I 
 have seen a tear in the corner of her eye ; in a word, ' she 
 loved me for the dangers I had passed,' as Othello says. 
 Well, laugh away if you like, but it's truth I'm telling you." 
 At this part of Mr. O'Leary's story we all found it impossible 
 to withstand the ludicrous mock heroic of his face and tone, 
 and laughed loud and long. When we at length became 
 silent he resumed — " Before three weeks had passed over, I 
 had proposed and was accepted, just your own way, Mr. 
 Lorrequer, taking the ball at the hop, the very same way you 
 did at Cheltenham, the time the lady jilted you and ran off 
 with your friend Mr. Waller. I read it all in the news, 
 though I was tlun in Norway fishing." Here there was an- 
 other interruption by a laugh, not, however, at Mr. O'Leary's
 
 HA A'R V L ORREQ I r ER. 2 7 1 
 
 expense. I gave him a most menacing look, while he con- 
 tinued — " The settlements were soon drawn up, and con- 
 sisted, like all great diplomatic documents, of a series of 
 'gains and compensations ; ' thus, she was not to taste any- 
 thing stronger than kitsch wasser, or Nantz brandy ; and I 
 limited myself to a pound of short-cut week!)', and so on ; but 
 to proceed : the lady being a good Catholic, insisted upon 
 being married by a priest of her own persuasion, before the 
 performance of the ceremony at the British Embassy in Paris; 
 to this I could offer no objection, and we were accordingly 
 united in the holy bonds the same morning, after signing the 
 law papers.'' 
 
 "Then, Mr. O'Leary, you are really a married man ? " 
 
 "That's the very point I'm coming to, ma'am; for I have 
 consulted all the jurists upon the subject, and they never can 
 agree. But you shall hear. I dispatched a polite note to 
 Bishop Luscombe, and made every arrangement for the ap- 
 proaching ceremony, took a quarter in the Rue Helder, near 
 the Estaminet, and looked forward with anxiety for the day 
 which was to make me happy ; for our marriage in Lyons 
 was only a kind of betrothal. Now, my fair friend had 
 but one difficulty remaining, poor, dear soul — I refrain from 
 mentioning her name for delicacy' sake, but poor dear Mrs. 
 Ram could not bear the notion of our going up to Paris in 
 the same conveyance, for long as she had lived abroad, she 
 had avoided everything French, even the language ; so she 
 proposed that I should go in the early 'diligence,' which starts 
 at four o'clock in the morning, while she took her departure 
 at nine ; thus I should be some hours sooner in Paris, and 
 ready to receive her on her arriving ; besides sparing her 
 bashf ulness all reproach of our travelling together. It was 
 no use my telling her that I always travelled on foot, and 
 hated a ' diligence ; ' she coolly replied that at our time of 
 life we could not spare the time necessary for a pilgrimage to 
 Jerusalem, for so she supposed the journey from Lyons to 
 Paris to be ; so, fearing lest any doubt might be thrown 
 upon the ardor of my attachment, I yielded at once, re- 
 membering at the moment what my poor friend Tom Bing 
 
 Oh, Lord, I'm at it again ! " 
 
 " Sir, I did not hear." 
 
 " Nothing, ma'am. I was just going to observe that ladies 
 of a certain time of life, and especially widows, like a lover 
 that seems a little ardent or so all the better." Here Mrs.
 
 272 HARR Y LORREQ UER. 
 
 Bingham blushed, her daughter bridled, and I nearly suffo- 
 cated with shame and suppressed laughter. 
 
 " After a most tender farewell of my bride or wife, I don't 
 know which, I retired for the night, with a mind vacillating 
 between my hopes of happiness and my fears for the result 
 of a journey so foreign to all my habits of travelling, and in 
 which I could not but tremble at the many casualties my 
 habitual laziness and dislike to any hours but of my own choos- 
 ing might involve me in. 
 
 " I had scarcely laid down in bed, ere these thoughts took 
 such possession of me, that sleep for once in my life was out 
 of the question ; and then the misery of getting up at four in 
 the morning — putting on your clothes by the flickering light 
 of the porter's candle — getting your boots on the wrong feet, 
 and all that kind of annoyance — I am sure I fretted myself 
 into the feeling of a downright martyr before an hour was 
 over. Well, at least, thought I, one thing is well done — I 
 have been quite right in coming to sleep here at the Messa- 
 gerie Hotel, where the diligence starts from, or the chances 
 are ten to one that I should never wake till the time was past. 
 Now, however, they are sure to call me ; so I may sleep tran- 
 quilly till then. Meanwhile I had forgotten to pack my trunk 
 — my papers, etc., lying all about the room in a state of con- 
 siderable confusion. I rose at once with all the dispatch I 
 could muster ; this took a long time to effect, and it was 
 nearly two o'clock ere I finished, and sat down to smoke a 
 solitary pipe — the last, I supposed, it might be my lot to en- 
 joy for heaven knows how long, Mrs. R. having expressed, 
 rather late in our intimacy, I confess, strong opinions against 
 tobacco within doors. 
 
 " When I had finished my little sac of the ' weed,' the clock 
 struck three, and I started to think how little time I was des- 
 tined to have in bed. In bed ! why, said I, there is no use 
 thinking of it now, for I shall scarcely have lain down ere I 
 shall be obliged to get up again. So thinking, I set about 
 dressing myself for the road ; and as the season was winter, 
 and the weather dreadfully severe, took care to array myself 
 in all the covering I could lay hands upon ; and by the time 
 I had enveloped myself in a pair of long Hungarian gaiters, 
 and a kurtcha of sheep's wool, with a brown bear-skin outside, 
 with a Welsh wig, and a pair of large dark glass goggles to 
 defend the eyes from the snow, I was not only perfectly imper- 
 vious to all effects of the weather, but so thoroughly defended
 
 HARRY l.ORREQUER. 273 
 
 from any influence of sight or sound, that a volcano might 
 be hissing and thundering within ten yards of me, without 
 attracting the slightest attention. Now, I thought, instead 
 of remaining here, I'll just step down to the coach, and get 
 snugly into the diligence, and having secured the corner of 
 the coupe, resign myself to sleep with the certainty of not 
 being left behind, and, probably, too, be some miles on my 
 journey before awaking. 
 
 " I accordingly went downstairs, and to my surprise found, 
 even at that early hour, that many of the gar^ons of the house 
 were stirring and bustling about, getting all the luggage up 
 in the huge wooden leviathan that was to convey us on our 
 road. There they stood, like bees around a hive, clustering 
 and buzzing, and all so engaged that with difficulty could I 
 get an answer to my question of what diligence it was ? ' La 
 diligence pour Paris, monsieur.' 
 
 "' Ah, all right then,' said I ; so, watching an opportunity 
 to do so unobserved, for I supposed they might have laughed 
 at me, I stepped quietly into the coupe', and amid the creak- 
 ing of cordage, and the thumping of feet on the roof, fell as 
 sound asleep as ever I did in my life — these sounds coming 
 to my muffled ears soft as the echoes on the Rhine. When 
 it was that I awoke I cannot say ; but as I rubbed my eyes 
 and yawned after a most refreshing sleep, I perceived that it 
 was still quite dark all around, and that the diligence was 
 standing before the door of some inn and not moving. Ah, 
 thought I, this is the first stage ; how naturally one always 
 wakes at the change of horses — a kind of instinct implanted 
 by Providence, I suppose, to direct us to a little refreshment 
 on the road. With these pious feelings I let down the glass, 
 and called out to the gar^on for a glass of brandy and a cigar. 
 While he was bringing them, I had time to look about, and 
 perceived, to my very great delight, that I had the whole coupe 
 to myself. ' Are there any passengers coming in here ? ' 
 said I, as the waiter came forward with my petit verre. ' I 
 should think not, sir,' said the fellow with a leer ! ' Then I 
 shall have the whole coupe to myself? ' said I. 'Monsieur 
 need have no fear of being disturbed ; I can safely assure 
 him that he will have no one there for the next twenty-four 
 hours.' This was really pleasant intelligence ; so I chucked 
 him a ten-sous piece, and closing up the window, as the morn- 
 ing was cold, once more lay back to sleep with a success that 
 has never failed me. It was to a bright blue cloudless sky, 
 
 iS
 
 274 //A A ' A ' r ' < WREQUES-. 
 
 and the sharp clear air of a fine day in winter, that I at length 
 opened my eyes. I pulled out my watch, and discovered it 
 was exactly two o'clock ; I next lowered the glass and looked 
 about me, and very much to my surprise discovered that the 
 diligence was not moving, but standing very peaceably in a 
 very crowded congregation of other similar and dissimilar 
 conveyances, all of which seemed, I thought, to labor under 
 some physical ailment, some wanting a box, others a bod)', 
 etc., etc., and in fact suggesting the idea of an infirmary for 
 old and disabled carriages of either sex, mails and others. 
 'Oh, I have it,' cried I, 'we are arrived at Mont-Geran, 
 and they are all at dinner, and from my being alone in the 
 coupe they have forgotten to call me.' I immediately opened 
 the door, and stepped out into the inn-yard, crowded with 
 conducteurs, grooms and hostlers, who, I thought, looked 
 rather surprised at seeing me emerge from the diligence. 
 
 " ' You did not know I was there,' said I, with a knowing 
 wink at one of them as I passed. 
 
 " ' Assurement non,' said the fellow with a laugh, that was 
 the signal for all the others to join in it. ' Is the table d'hote 
 over?' said I, regardless of the mirth around me. 'Mon- 
 sieur is just in time,' said the waiter, who happened to pass 
 with a soup-tureen in his hand. ' Have the goodness to 
 step this way.' I had barely time to remark the close resem- 
 blance of the waiter to the fellow who presented me with my 
 brandy and cigar in the morning, when he ushered me into a 
 large room with about forty persons sitting at a long table, 
 evidently waiting with impatience for the ' potage ' to begin 
 their dinner. Whether it was they enjoyed the joke of hav- 
 ing neglected to call me, or that they were laughing at my 
 travelling costume, I cannot say, but the moment I came in 
 I could perceive a general titter run through the assembly. 
 ' Not too late after all, gentlemen,' said I, marching gravely 
 up to the table. 
 
 " ' Monsieur is in excellent time,' said the host, making 
 room for me beside his chair. Notwithstanding the incum- 
 brance of my weighty habiliments, I proceeded to do ample 
 justice to the viands before me, apologizing laughingly to the 
 host by pleading a traveller's appetite. 
 
 " 'Then you have perhaps come far this morning,' said a 
 gentleman opposite. 
 
 "'Yes,' said I, '1 have been on the road since four 
 o'clock.'
 
 //.-/ RR V L ORKEQ UER. 275 
 
 "'And how are the roads? 'said another. ' Very bad,' 
 said I, ' the first few stages from Lyons, afterward much 
 better.' This was said at a venture, as I began to be ashamed 
 of being always asleep before my fellow-travellers. They did 
 not seem, however, to understand me perfectly ; and one old 
 fellow, putting down his spectacles from his forehead, leaned 
 over and said, ' And where, may I ask, has monsieur come 
 from this morning? ' 
 
 "■ ' From Lyons,' said I, with the proud air of a man who 
 has done a stout feat, and is not ashamed of the exploit. 
 
 " ' From Lyons ! ' said one. ' From Lyons ! ' cried another. 
 ' From Lyons ! ' repeated a third. 
 
 " ' Yes,' said I ; ' what the devil is so strange in it ? — trav- 
 elling is so quick nowadays, one thinks nothing of twenty 
 leagues before dinner.' 
 
 " The infernal shout of laughing that followed my explana- 
 tion is still in my ears ; from one end of the table to the 
 other there was one continued ha, ha, ha — from the greasy 
 host to the little hunchbacked waiter, they were all grinning 
 away. 
 
 " ' And how did monsieur travel ? ' said the old gentleman, 
 who seemed to carry on the prosecution against me. 
 
 " ' By the diligence, the " Aigle noir," ' said I, giving the 
 name with some pride that I was not altogether ignorant of 
 the conveyance. 
 
 " ' Then you should certainly not complain of the roads,' 
 said the host, chuckling ; ' for the only journey that diligence 
 has made this day has been from the street-door to the inn- 
 yard ; for, as they found when the luggage was nearly packed 
 that the axle was almost broken through, they wheeled it 
 round to the cour, and prepared another for the travellers.' 
 
 " ' And where am I now ? ' said I. 
 
 " ' In Lyons,' said twenty voices, half-choked with laughter 
 at my question. 
 
 "I was thunderstruck at the news at first; but as I pro- 
 ceeded with my dinner, I joined in the mirth of the party, 
 which certainly was not diminished on my telling them the 
 object of my intended journey. 
 
 " ' I think, young man,' said the old fellow with the 
 spectacles. ' that you should take the occurrence as a warn- 
 ing of Providence that marriage will not suit you.' I began 
 to be of the same opinion ; but then there was the jointure. 
 To be sure, I was to give up tobacco ; and perhaps I should
 
 276 HARRY LORREQUMk. 
 
 not be as free to ramble about as when en garcon. So, tak- 
 ing all things into consideration, I ordered in another bottle 
 of Burgundy, to drink Mrs. Ram's health — got my passport 
 vised for Barege — and set out for the Pyrenees the same 
 evening." 
 
 " And have you never heard anything more of the lady ? " 
 said Mrs. Bingham. 
 
 " Oh, yes. She was faithful to the last ; for I found out 
 when at Rome last winter that she had offered a reward for 
 me in the newspapers, and indeed had commenced a regular 
 pursuit of me through the whole Continent. And to tell the 
 real fact, 1 should not now fancy turning my steps toward 
 Paris, if I had not very tolerable information that she is in 
 full cry after me through the Wengen Alps. I have con- 
 trived a paragraph in Galignani to seduce her thither, and 
 where, with the blessing of Providence, if the snow set in 
 early, she must pass the winter." 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. 
 
 PARIS. 
 
 Nothing more worthy of recording occurred before our 
 arrival at Meurice's on the third day of our journey. My 
 friend O'Leary had, with his usual good fortune, become in- 
 dispensable to his new acquaintance, and it was not altogether 
 without some little lurking discontent that I perceived how 
 much less often my services were called in request since his 
 having joined our party : his information, notwithstanding 
 its very scanty extent, was continually relied upon, and his 
 very imperfect French everlastingly called into requisition to 
 interpret a question for the ladies. Yes, thought I, " Othello's 
 occupation's gone ; " one of two things has certainly hap- 
 pened : either Mrs. Bingham and her daughter have noticed 
 my continued abstraction of mind, and have attributed 
 it to the real cause, the preoccupation of my affections; 
 or, thinking, on the other hand, that I am desperately 
 in love with one or the other of them, have thought that 
 a little show of preference to Mr. O'Leary may stimulate 
 me to a proposal at once. In either case, I resolved to lose 
 no time in taking my leave, which there could be no difficulty
 
 IfARRY LORREQCF.R. 277 
 
 in doing now, as the ladies had reached their intended des- 
 tination, and had numerous friends in Paris to advise and 
 assist them ; besides that, I had too long neglected the real 
 object of my trip, and should lose no time in finding out the 
 Callonbys, and at once learn what prospect of success 
 awaited me in that quarter. Leaving my fair friends then to 
 refresh themselves after the journey, and consigning Mr. 
 O'Leary to the enjoyment of his meerschaum, through the 
 aid of which he had rendered his apartment like a Dutch 
 swamp in autumn, the only portion of his own figure visible 
 through the mist being his short legs and heavy shoes, I set 
 forth at last. 
 
 On reaching the house in the Rue de la Paix, where the 
 Callonbys had resided, I learned that they were still at Baden, 
 and were not expected in Paris for some weeks ; that Lord 
 Kilkee had arrived that morning, and was then dining at the 
 Embassy, having left an invitation for me to dine with him 
 on the following day, if I happened to call. As I turned from 
 the door, uncertain whither to turn my steps, I walked on 
 unconsciously toward the Boulevard, and occupied as I was, 
 thinking over all the chances before me, did not perceive 
 where I stood till the bright glare of a large gas-lamp over my 
 head apprised me that I was at the door of the well-known 
 Salon des Etrangers, at the corner of the Rue Richelieu; 
 carriages, citadines, and vigilantes were crowding, crashing, 
 and clattering on all sides, as the host of fashion and the gam- 
 ing-table were hastening to the champ de battaille. Not 
 being a member of the salon, and having little disposition to 
 enter, if I had been, I stood for some minutes looking at the 
 crowd as it continued to press on toward the splendid and 
 brilliantly lighted stairs, which leads from the very street to 
 the rooms of this palace, for such, in magnificence and luxury 
 of its decorations, it really is. As I was on the very eve of 
 turning away, a large and very handsome cab-horse turned 
 the corner from the balustrade, with the most perfect appoint- 
 ment of harness and carriage T had seen for a long time. 
 
 While I continued to admire the taste and propriety of the 
 equipage, a young man in deep mourning sprung from the 
 inside, and stood upon the pavement before me. " A deux 
 heures, Charles," said he to his servant, as the cab turned 
 slowly round. The voice struck me as well known. I waited 
 till he approached the lamp, to catch a glimpse of the face ■ 
 and what was my surprise to recognize my cousin, Guy Lor
 
 278 HARRY L OR RE Q ( 'ER. 
 
 requer of the 10th, whom I had not met with for six years 
 before. My first impulse was not to make myself known to 
 him. Our mutual position with regard to Lady Jane was so 
 much a mystery, as regarded myself, that I feared the result 
 of any meeting, until I was sufficiently aware of how matters 
 stood, and whether we were to meet as friends and relations, 
 or rivals, and consequently enemies. 
 
 Before I had time to take my resolution, Guy had recog- 
 nized me, and seizing me by the hand with both his, called 
 " Harry, my old friend, how are you ? how long have you been 
 here, and never to call on me ? Why, man, what is the mean- 
 ing of this ? " Before I had time to say that I was only a few 
 hours m Paris, he again interrupted me by saying, "And 
 how comes it that you are not in mourning ? You must surely 
 have heard it." "Heard what?" I cried, nearly hoarse 
 from agitation. " Our poor old friend, Sir Guy, didn't you 
 know, is dead ? " Only those who have felt how strong the 
 ties of kindred are, as they decrease in number, can tell how 
 this news fell upon my heart. All my poor uncle's kind- 
 nesses came one by one full upon my memory ; his affec- 
 tionate letters of advice ; his well-meant chidings, too, even 
 dearer to me than his praise and approval, completely un- 
 manned me ; and I stood speechless and powerless before my 
 cousin as he continued to detail to me the rapid progress of 
 Sir Guy's malady, an attack of gout in the head, which 
 carried him off in three days. Letters had been sent to 
 me in different places, but none reached, and at the very 
 moment the clerk of my uncle's lawyer was in pursuit of me 
 through the Highlands, where some mistaken information 
 had induced him to follow me. 
 
 " You are, therefore," continued Guy, " unaware that your 
 uncle has dealt so fairly by you, and indeed by both of us ; 1 
 have got the Somersetshire estates, which go with the baron- 
 etcy ; but the Cumberland property is all yours ; and I 
 heartily wish you joy of having nearly eight thousand per 
 annum, and one of the sweetest villas that ever man fancied 
 on Derwentwater. But come along here," continued he ; 
 and he led me through the crowded corridor and up the wide 
 stair ; " I have much to tell you, and we can be perfectly 
 alone here; no one will trouble themselves with us." Uncon- 
 scious of all around me, 1 followed Guy along the gilded 
 and glittering lobby which led to the salon, and it was only 
 as the servant in rich livery came forward to take my hat
 
 //. / RR V LORREQUER. 279 
 
 and cane that I remembered where I was. Then the full 
 sense of all I had been listening to rushed upon me, and the 
 unfitness, and indeed the indecency, of the place for such com- 
 munications as we were engaged in, came most forcibly before 
 me. Sir Guy, it is true, always preferred my cousin to me ; 
 he it was who was always destined to succeed both to his 
 title and estates, and his wildnessand extravagance had ever 
 met with a milder rebuke and weaker chastisement than my 
 follies and my misfortunes. Yet still he was my last remain- 
 ing relative ; and the only one I possessed in all the world 
 to whom in any difficulty or trial I had to look up ; and I felt, 
 in the very midst of my newly-acquired wealth and riches, 
 poorer and more alone than ever I had done in my life-time. 
 I followed Guy to a small and dimly-lighted cabinet off the 
 great salon, where, having seated ourselves, he proceeded to 
 detail to me the various events which a few short weeks had 
 accomplished. Of himself he spoke but little, and never 
 once alluded to the Callonbys at all ; indeed, all I could learn 
 was that he had left the army, and purposed remaining for 
 the winter at Paris, where he appeared to have entered into 
 all its gayety and dissipation at once. 
 
 " Of course," said he, " you will give up ' sodgering ' now ; 
 at the best it is but poor sport after .five-and-twenty ; and is 
 perfectly unendurable when a man has the means of pushing 
 himself in the gay world ; and now, Harry, let us mix a 
 little among the mob here ; for Messieurs les Banquiers don't 
 hold people in estimation who come here only for the ' cha- 
 pons au riz,' and the champagne glacee, as we should seem 
 to do were we to stay here much longer." 
 
 Such was the whirl of my thoughts, and so great the con- 
 fusion in my ideas from all I had just heard, that I felt my- 
 self implicitly following every direction of my cousin, with a 
 child-like obedience, of the full extent of which I became only 
 conscious when I found myself seated at the table of the 
 salon, between my cousin Guy and an old, hard-visaged, pale- 
 countenanced man, who he told me in a whisper was Vilelle 
 the Minister. 
 
 What a study for a man who would watch the passions and 
 emotions of his fellow-men would the table of a rouge et noir 
 gambling-house present — the skill and dexterity which games 
 of other kinds require, being here wanting, leave the player 
 free to the full abandonment of the passion. The interest is 
 not a gradually increasing or vacillating one, as fortune and
 
 2 8o HARR V L&RREQL 7 A'. 
 
 knowledge of the game favor ; the result is -uninfluenced by 
 anything of his doing; with the last turned card of the 
 croupier is he rich or ruined ; and thus in the very abstrac- 
 tion of the anxiety is this the most painfully exciting of all 
 gambling whatever ; the very rattle of the dice-box to the 
 hazard player is a relief; and the thought that he is in some 
 way instrumental in his good or bad fortune gives a turn 
 to his thoughts. There is something so like the inevitable 
 character of fate associated with the result of a chance, which 
 you can in no way affect or avert, that I have, notwithstand- 
 ing a strong bias for play, ever dreaded and avoided the 
 rouge et noir table : hitherto prudential motives had their 
 share in the resolve ; a small loss at play becomes a matter of 
 importance to a sub in a marching regiment ; and, therefore, 
 I was firm in my determination to avoid the gambling-table. 
 Now my fortunes were altered ; and as I looked at the heap 
 of shining louis-ifor, which Guy pushed before me in ex- 
 change for a billet de banque of large amount, I felt the full 
 importance of my altered position, mingling with the old and 
 long practiced prejudices which years had been accumulating 
 to fix. There is besides some wonderful fascination to most 
 men in the very aspect of high play ; to pit your fortune 
 against that of another- — to see whether or not your luck shall 
 not exceed some other's — are feelings that have a place in 
 most bosoms, and are certainly, if not naturally existing, 
 most easily generated in the bustle and excitement of the 
 gambling-house. The splendor of the decorations ; the rich 
 profusion of gilded ornaments ; the large and gorgeously 
 framed mirrors ; the sparkling lustres, mingling their effects 
 with the perfumed air of the apartment, filled with orange 
 trees and other aromatic shrubs ; the dress of the company, 
 among whom were many ladies in costumes not inferior to 
 those of a court; the glitter of diamonds; the sparkle of 
 stars and decorations, rendered more magical by knowing 
 that the wearers were names in history. There, with his 
 round, but ample shoulders, and large, massive head, covered 
 with long, snow-white hair, stands Talleyrand, the maker and 
 unmaker of kings, watching with a look of unconcealed anx- 
 iety the progress of his game. I fere is Soult, with his dogged 
 look and beetled brow; there stands Balzac, the author; his 
 gains here are less derived from the betting than the bet- 
 tors; In- is evidently majcing his own of some of them,, while, in 
 the seeming bon/tomieot his careless manner and easy abandon,
 
 HA RR ) ' LORREQUER. 28 1 
 
 they scruple not to trust him with anecdotes and traits that 
 from the crucible of his fiery imagination come forth like the 
 purified gold from the furnace. And there — look at that old 
 and weather-beaten man, with gray eyebrows and mustaches, 
 who throws from the breast-pocket of his frock, ever and 
 anon, a handful of gold pieces upon the table ; he evidently 
 neither knows nor cares for the amount, for the banker him- 
 self is obliged to count over the stake for him — that is Blu- 
 cher, the never-wanting attendant at the salon ; he has been 
 an immense loser, but plays on with the same stern persever- 
 ance with which he would pour his bold cavalry through a 
 ravine torn by artillery ; he stands by the still waning chance 
 with a courage that never falters. 
 
 One strong feature of the levelling character of a taste for 
 play has never ceased to impress me most forcibly — not only 
 do the individual peculiarities of the man give way before 
 the all-absorbing passion — but stranger still, the very boldest 
 traits of nationality even fade and disappear before it ; and 
 man seems, under the high-pressure power of this greatest of 
 all stimulants, resolved into a most abstract state. 
 
 Among all the traits which distinguish Frenchmen from 
 natives of every other country, none is more prominent than 
 a kind of never-failing elasticity of temperament, which seems 
 almost to defy all the power of misfortune to depress. Let 
 what will happen, the Frenchman seems to possess some 
 strong resource within himself, in his ardent temperament, 
 upon which he can draw at will, and whether on the day 
 after a defeat, the moment of being deceived in his strongest 
 hopes of returned affection — the overthrow of some long 
 cherished wish — it matters not — he never gives way entirely; 
 but see him at the gaming-table — watch the intense, the 
 aching anxiety with which his eye follows every card as it 
 falls from the hand of the croupier — behold the look of cold 
 despair that tracks his stake as the banker rakes it in among 
 his gains — and you will at once perceive that here, at least, his 
 wonted powers fail him. No jest escapes the lips of one that 
 would badinet upon the steps of the guillotine. The mocker 
 who would jeer at the torments of revolution stands like a 
 coward, quailing before the impassive eye and pale cheek of 
 a croupier. While 1 continued to occupy myself by observ- 
 ing the different groups about me, I had been almost me- 
 chanically following the game, placing at each deal some 
 gold upon the table : tin; result, however, had interested me
 
 S 8 _' / /. / A' A' i ' L ORRKQ I 'A A'. 
 
 so slightly, that it was only by remarking the attention my 
 game had excited in others, that my own was drawn toward 
 it. I then perceived that I had permitted my winnings to 
 accumulate upon the board, and that in the very deal then 
 commencing I had a stake of nearly live hundred pounds 
 upon the deal. 
 
 " Faites votre jeu, le jeu est fait," said the croupier ; 
 " trente-deux." 
 
 " You have lost, by Jove," said Guy, in a low whisper, in 
 which I could detect some trace of agitation. 
 
 " Trente et une," said the croupier. " Rouge perd, et 
 couleur." 
 
 There was a regular buzz of wonder through the room at 
 my extraordinary luck, for thus, with every chance against 
 me, I had won again. 
 
 As the croupier placed the billets de banque upon the 
 table, I overheard the muttered commendations 'of an old 
 veteran behind me upon the coolness and judgment of my 
 play ; so much for fortune, thought I, my judgment consists 
 in a perfect ignorance of the chances, and my coolness is 
 merely a thorough indifference to success. Whether it was 
 now that the flattery had its effect upon me, or that the pas- 
 sion for play, so long dormant, had suddenly seized hold 
 upon me, I know not, but my attention became from that 
 moment rivetted upon the game, and I played every deal. 
 Guy, who had been from the first betting with the indifferent 
 success which I have so often observed to attend upon the 
 calculations of old and experienced gamblers, now gave up, 
 and employed himself merely in watching my game. 
 
 "Harry," said he, at last, " I am completely puzzled as to 
 whether you are merely throwing down your louis at hazard, 
 or are not the deepest player I have ever met with." 
 
 " You shall see," said I, as I stooped over toward the 
 banker, and whispered: -"How far is the betting per- 
 mitted?" 
 
 " Fifteen thousand francs ! " said the croupier, with a look 
 of surprise. 
 
 "Then be it," said I, " quinze mille francs, rouge." 
 
 In a moment the rougevion, and the second deal 1 repeated 
 the bet, and so continuing on with like success ; when 1 was 
 preparing my rouleau for the fifth, the banker rose, and saying, 
 " Messieurs, la banque est ferme pour ce soir, " proceeded 
 to lock his cassette, and closed the table.
 
 HARR ) ' /. OKREQUER. 283 
 
 "You are satisfied now," said Guy, rising; "you see you 
 have broke the bank, and a very pretty incident to commence 
 with on your first introduction to a campaign in Paris." 
 
 Having changed my gold for notes, I stuffed them with an 
 air of well-affected carelessness into my pocket, and strolled 
 through the salon, where I had now become an object of 
 considerably more interest than all the marshals and minis- 
 ters about me. 
 
 " Now, Hal," said Guy, " I'll just order our supper in the 
 cabinet, and join you in a moment." 
 
 As 1 remained for some minutes awaiting Guy's return, my 
 attention was drawn towards a crowd in a smaller saloon, 
 among whom the usual silent decorum of the play-table 
 seemed held in but small respect, for every instant some 
 burst of hearty laughter or some expression of joy or anger 
 burst forth, by which I immediately perceived that they 
 were the votaries of the roulette table, a game at which the 
 strict propriety and etiquette ever maintained at rouge et 
 noir are never exacted. As I pressed near, to discover the 
 cause of the mirth, which every moment seemed to augment, 
 guess my surprise to perceive, among the foremost rank of 
 the players, my acquaintance, Mr. O'Leary, whom I at that 
 moment believed to be solacing himself with his meerschaum 
 at Meurice's ! My astonishment at how he obtained ad- 
 mission to the salon was even less than my fear of his rec- 
 ognizing me. At no time is it agreeable to find that the man 
 who is regarded as the buffo of a party turns out to be your 
 friend, but still less is this so, when the individual claiming 
 acquaintance with you presents any striking absurdity in his 
 dress or manner, strongly at contrast with the persons and 
 things about him ; and thus it now happened— Mr. O'Leary's 
 external man, as we met him on the Calais road, with its various 
 accompaniments of blouse-cap, spectacles, and tobacco-pipe, 
 were nothing very outre or remarkable ; but when the same 
 figure presents itself among the elegants of the Parisian world, 
 redolent of eau de Portugal, and superb in the glories of bro- 
 cade waistcoats and velvet coats, the thing was too absurd, 
 and I longed to steal away before any chance should present 
 itself of a recognition. This, however, was impossible, as 
 the crowd from the other table were all gathered round us, 
 and 1 was obliged to stand fast, and trust that the excitement 
 of the game, in which he appeared to be thoroughly occupied, 
 might keep his eye fixed on another quarter, I now observed
 
 2<S4 HARK ) ' LORREQl r ER. 
 
 that the same scene in which I had so lately been occupied 
 at the rouge ct noir table, was enacting here, under rather 
 different circumstances. Mr. O'Leary was the only player, 
 as I had just been — not, however, because his success absorbed 
 all the interest of the bystanders, but that, unfortunately, his 
 constant want of it elicited some strong expression of dis- 
 content and mistrust from him. which excited the loud 
 laughter of the others ; but of which, from his great anxiety 
 in his game, he seemed totally unconscious. 
 
 " Faites votre jeu, messieurs," said the croupier. 
 
 " Wait a bit till I change this," said Mr. ( )'Leary, produc- 
 ing an English sovereign. The action interpreted his wishes, 
 and the money was converted into coupons de j<u. I now discov- 
 ered one great cause of the mirth of the bystanders, at least the 
 English portion of them. Mr. O'Leary, when placing his money 
 upon the table, observed the singular practice of announcing 
 aloud the amount of his bet, which, for his own information, 
 he not only reduced to English, but also Irish currency. 
 Thus the stillness of the room was every instant broken by a 
 strong Irish accent, pronouncing something of this sort : 
 " five francs," " four and a penny ;" " ten francs," " eight and 
 three ha'pence." The amusement thus caused was increased 
 by the excitement his losses threw him into. He now ceased 
 to play for several times, when at last he made an offering 
 of his usual stake. 
 
 " Perd," said the croupier, raking in the piece with a con- 
 temptuous air at the smallness of the bet, and in no way 
 pleased that the interest Mr. O'Leary excited should prevent 
 the other players from betting. 
 
 "Perd," said O'Leary, " again. Divil another song you 
 sing than 'perd,' and I'm not quite clear you're not cheating 
 all the while- — only, God help you if you are !" 
 
 As he so said, the head of a huge blackthorn stick was 
 half protruded across the table, causing renewed mirth ; for, 
 among other regulations, every cane, however trifling, is 
 always demanded at the door; and thus a new subject of 
 astonishment arose as to how he had succeeded in carrying 
 it witli him into the salon. 
 
 " Here's at you again," said O'Leary, regardless of the 
 laughter, and covering three or four numbers with his 
 jetons. 
 
 Round went the ball once more, and once more he lost. 
 
 il Look now, divil a lie in it, he makes them go wherever he,
 
 HARRY LORKEQUER. 285 
 
 pleases. I'll take a turn now at the tables ; fair play s a jewel 
 — and we'll see how you'll get on." 
 
 So saying, he proceeded to insinuate himself into the chair 
 of the croupier, whom he proposed to supersede, by no very 
 gentle means. This was of course resisted, and as the loud 
 mirth of the bystanders grew more and more boisterous, the 
 cries of " A la porte ! a la porte ! " from the friends of tha 
 bank rung through the crowd. 
 
 " Go it, Pat — go it, Pat ! " said Guy, over my shoulder, 
 who seemed to take a prodigious interest in the proceedings. 
 
 At this unexpected recognition of his nativity, for Mr. 
 O'Leary never suspected he could be discovered by his ac- 
 cent, he looked across the table and caught my eye at once. 
 
 " Oh, I'm safe now! Stand by me, Mr. Lorrequer, and 
 we'll clear the room ! " 
 
 So saying, and without further provocation, he upset the 
 croupier, chair and all, with one sudden jerk upon the floor, 
 and giving a tremendous kick to the cassette, sent all tl. i 
 five-franc pieces flying over him ; he then jumped upon fcha 
 table, and brandishing his blackthorn through the ormolu 
 lustre, scattered the wax-lights on all sides, accompanying 
 the exploit by a yell that would have called up all Connemara 
 at midnight, if it had only been heard there. In an instant 
 the gendarmes, always sufficiently near to be called in if re- 
 quired, came pouring into the room, and supposing the whole 
 affair had been a preconcerted thing to obtain possession of 
 the money in the bank, commenced capturing different mem- 
 bers of the company who appeared, by enjoying the con- 
 fusion, to be favoring and assisting it. My cousin Guy was 
 one of the first so treated — a proceeding to which he respond- 
 ed by an appeal rather in favor with most Englishmen, and 
 at once knocked down the gendarme ; this was the signal 
 for a general engagement, and accordingly, before an explana- 
 tion could possibly be attempted, a most terrific combat 
 ensued, the Frenchmen in the room siding *ith the gendar- 
 merie, and making common cause against the English, who, 
 although greatly inferior in number, possessed considerable 
 advantage from long habit in street rows and boxing encoun- 
 ters. As for myself, I had the good fortune to be pitted 
 against a very pursy and unwieldy Frenchman, who sacr&d 
 to admiration, but never put in a single blow at me. While, 
 therefore, I amused myself practising what old Cribb called 
 "the one, two" upon his fat carcass, I had abundant time
 
 2 86 HAKR Y LORREQl r ER. 
 
 and opportunity to watch all that was doing about me, and 
 truly a more ludicrous affair I never beheld. Imagine about 
 fifteen or sixteen young Englishmen, most of them powerful, 
 athletic fellows, driving an indiscriminate mob of about five 
 times their number before them, who, with courage enough to 
 resist, were yet so totally ignorant of the boxing art, that they 
 retreated, pell-mell, before the battering phalanx of their 
 sturdy opponents — the most ludicrous figure of all being Mr. 
 O'Leary himself, who, standing upon the table, laid about 
 him with a brass lustre that he had unstrung, and did con- 
 siderable mischief with this novel instrument of warfare, cry- 
 ing out the entire time : " Murder every mother's son of 
 them ! " " Give them another taste of Waterloo ! " Just as 
 he had uttered the last patriotic sentiment, he received a 
 slight admonition from behind, by the point of a gendarme's 
 sword, which made him leap from the table with the alac- 
 rity of a harlequin, and come plump down among the thickest 
 of the fray. My attention was now directed elsewhere, for 
 above all the din and " tapage " of the encounter I could 
 plainly hear the row-dow-dow of the drums, and the measured 
 tread of troops approaching, and at once guessed that a rein- 
 forcement of the gendarmerie were coming up. Behind me 
 there was a large window, with a heavy scarlet curtain before 
 it ; my resolution was at once taken ; I floored my antagonist, 
 whom I had till now treated with the most merciful for- 
 bearance, and immediately sprung behind the curtain. A 
 second's consideration showed that in the search that must 
 ensue this would afford no refuge, so I at once opened the 
 sash, and endeavored to ascertain at what height I was above 
 the ground beneath me ; the night was so dark that I could 
 see nothing, but judging from the leaves and twigs that reached 
 to the window, that it was a garden beneath, and auguring 
 from the perfumed smell of the shrubs, that they could not 
 be tall trees, I resolved to leap, a resolve I had little time to 
 come to, for the step of the soldiers was already heard upon 
 the stair. Fixing my hat then down upon my brows, and 
 buttoning my coat tightly, I let myself clown from the win- 
 dow-sill by my hands, and fell upon my legs in the soft earth 
 of the garden, safe and unhurt. From the increased clamor 
 and din overhead, I could learn the affray was at its height, 
 and had little difficulty in detecting the sonorous accent and 
 wild threats of my friend Mr. O'Leary high above all the 
 other sounds around him. 1 did not wait long, however, to
 
 h a a ay j.o k A' /■: < ) i ■/■: A: 2 8 7 
 
 enjoy them, but at once set about securing my escape from 
 my present bondage. In this I had little difficulty, for I was 
 directed by a light to a small door, which, as I approached, 
 I found that it led into the den of the concierge, and also 
 communicated by another door with the street. I opened it, 
 therefore, at once, and was in the act of opening the second, 
 when I felt myself seized by the collar by a strong hand ; and 
 on turning round saw the sturdy figure of the concierge him- 
 self with a drawn bayonet within a few inches of my throat : 
 " Tenez, mon ami," said I, quietly, and placing half a dozen 
 louis, some of my recent spoils, in his hand, at once satisfied 
 him that, even if I were a robber, I was at least one who 
 understood and respected the convenances of society. He at 
 once relinquished his hold and dropped his weapon, and pull- 
 ing off his cap with one hand, drew the cord which opened 
 the porte cochere with the other, and bowed me politely to the 
 street. I had scarcely had time to insinuate myself into the 
 dense mass of people whom the noise and confusion within 
 had assembled around the house, when the double door of 
 the building opened, and a file of gendarmerie came forth, 
 leading between them my friend Mr. O'Leary and some 
 others of the rioters — among whom I rejoiced to find my 
 cousin did not figure. If I were to judge from his disordered 
 habiliments and scarred visage, Mr. O'Leary's resistance to 
 the constituted authorities must have been a vigorous one ; 
 and the drollery of his appearance was certainly not de- 
 creased by his having lost the entire brim of his hat — the 
 covering of his head bearing, under these distressing circum- 
 stances, a strong resemblance to a saucepan. 
 
 As I could not at that moment contribute in any way to 
 his rescue, I determined on the following clay to be present 
 at his examination and render him all the assistance in my 
 power. Meanwhile, I returned to Meurice's, thinking of 
 every adventure of the evening much more than of my own 
 changed condition and altered fortunes.
 
 iS8 HARRY LORREQl /■ K. 
 
 CHAPTER XXIX. 
 
 PARIS. 
 
 The first thing which met my eye, when wa/king in the 
 morning, after the affair at the Salon, was the rouleau of 
 billets de banque which I had won at play ; and it took several 
 minutes before I could persuade myself that the entire rec- 
 ollection of the evening had any more solid foundation than 
 a heated brain and fevered imagination. 
 
 The sudden spring from being a subaltern in the — th, with 
 a few hundreds per annum — " pour tout potage," to becom- 
 ing the veritable proprietor of several thousands, with a hand- 
 some house in Cumberland, was a consideration which I could 
 scarcely admit into my mind — so fearful was I that the very 
 first occurrence of the day should dispel the illusion, and 
 throw me back into the dull reality which I was hoping to 
 escape from. 
 
 There is no adage more true than the old Latin one — 
 " that what we wish w r e readily believe ; " so I had little diffi- 
 culty in convincing myself that all was as I desired — although, 
 certainly, my confused memory of the past evening con- 
 tributed little to that conviction. It was, then, amid a very 
 whirl of anticipated pleasures, and new schemes for enjoying 
 life, that I sat down to a breakfast, at which, that 1 might 
 lose no time in commencing my race, I had ordered the most 
 recherche viands which even French cookery can accomplish 
 for the occasion. 
 
 My plans were soon decided upon. I resolved to remain 
 only long enough in Paris to provide myself with a comfort- 
 able travelling carriage — secure a good courier — and start 
 for Baden ; when I trusted that my pretensions, whatever 
 favor they might have been once received with, would 
 certainly now, at least, be listened to with more prospect of 
 being successful. 
 
 I opened the Galignani's paper of the day, to direct me i:: 
 my search, and had scarcely read a few lines before a 
 paragraph caught my eye, which not a little amused me ; it
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 289 
 
 Was headed — Serious riot at the Salon des Etrangers, atid 
 attempt to rob the bank : 
 
 " Last evening, among the persons who presented them- 
 selves at the table of this fashionable resort, were certain 
 individuals, who, by their names and dress, bespoke anything 
 rather than the rank and condition of those who usually 
 resort there, and whose admission is still unexplained, notwith- 
 standing the efforts of the police to unravel the mystery. 
 The proprietors of the bank did not fail to remark theso 
 persons ; but scrupled, from fear of disturbing the propriety 
 of the salon, to take the necessary steps for their exclusion 
 — reserving their attention to the adoption of precautions 
 against such intrusion in future — unfortunately, as it turned 
 out eventually, for, toward eleven o'clock, one of these 
 individuals, having lost a considerable sum at play, proceeded 
 in a very violent and outrageous manner to denounce the 
 bank, and went so far as to accuse the croupier of cheating. 
 This language having failed to excite the disturbance it was 
 evidently intended to promote, was soon followed up by a 
 most dreadful personal attack upon the banquier, in which 
 he was thrown from his seat, and the cassette, containing 
 several thousand francs in gold and notes, immediately laid 
 hold of. The confusion now became considerable, and it 
 was apparent that the whole had been a preconcerted scheme. 
 Several persons, leaping upon the table, attempted to extin- 
 guish the great lustre of the salon, in which bold attempt 
 they were most spiritedly resisted by some of the other play- 
 ers and the gendarmes, who by this time had arrived in force. 
 The riot was quelled after a prolonged and desperate resist- 
 ance, and the rioters, with the exception of two, were captured, 
 and conveyed to prison, where they await the result of a 
 judieial investigation — of which we shall not fail to lay the 
 particulars before our readers. 
 
 " Since our going to press, we have learned that one of 
 the ringleaders in this vile scheme is a noted English eseroe 
 — a swindler who was already arrested at C- —for travelling 
 with a false passport; but who contrives, by some collusion 
 with another of the gang, to evade the local authorities. If 
 this be the case, we trust he will be speedily detected and 
 brought to punishment." 
 
 Whatever amusement I had found in reading the commenc- 
 ing portion of this ridiculous misstatement, the allusion in 
 the latter part by no means afforded me equal pleasure ; and
 
 290 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 I saw, in one rapid glance, how much annoyance, and liuw 
 main* delays and impediments, a charge, even of this ridicu- 
 lous nature, might give rise to in my present circumstances. 
 My passport, however, will settle all, thought I, as I thrust 
 my hand toward my pocket, in which I had placed it along 
 with some letters. 
 
 Guess my misery to discover that the whole of the pocket 
 had been cut away, probably in the hope of obtaining the 
 billets de banque I had won at play, but which I had changed 
 from that pocket to a breast one on leaving the table. This 
 at once led me to suspect that there might be some truth in 
 the suspicion of the newspaper writer of a preconcerted 
 scheme, and at once explained to me what had puzzled me 
 much before — the extreme rapidity with which the elements 
 of discord were propagated, for the whole affair was the work 
 of a few seconds. While I continued to meditate on these 
 matters, the waiter entered with a small note in an envelope, 
 which a commissionaire had just left at the hotel for me, and 
 went away, saying there was no answer. I opened it hastily, 
 and read : 
 
 " Dear H : The confounded affair of last night has 
 
 induced me to leave this for a few days : besides that I have 
 obtained a most excellent reason for absenting myself in the 
 presence of a black eye, which will prevent my appearance in 
 public for a week to come. As you are a stranger here, you 
 need not fear being detected. With all its desagrements, I 
 can't help laughing at the adventure, and I am heartily glad 
 to have had the opportunity of displaying old Jackson's 
 science upon those wretched gendarmes. 
 
 " Yours truly, G. L." 
 
 This certainly, thought I, improves my position. Here is 
 my cousin Guy — the only one to whom, in any doubt or 
 difficulty here, I could refer — here he is — flown — without 
 letting me know where to address him or find him out. I 
 rang my bell hastily, and having written a line on my card, 
 requesting Lord Kilkee to come to me as soon as he could, 
 dispatched it to the Rue de la Paix. The messenger soon 
 returned with an answer, that Lord Kilkee had been obliged 
 to leave Paris late the evening before, having received some 
 important letters from Baden. My anxiety now became 
 greater. I did not know but that the moment 1 ventured
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 291 
 
 to leave the hotel I should be recognized by some of the 
 witnesses of the evening's fray; and all thoughts of succor- 
 ing poor O'Leary were completely forgotten in my fear for the 
 annoyances the whole of this ridiculous affair might involve 
 me in. Without any decisions as to my future steps, I 
 dressed myself, and proceeded to pay my respects to Mrs. 
 Bingham and her daughter, who were in the same hotel, and 
 whom I had not seen since our arrival. 
 
 As I entered the drawing-room, I was surprised to find 
 Miss Bingham alone. She appeared to have been weeping 
 — at least, the efforts she made to appear easy and in good 
 spirits contrasted a good deal with the expression of her 
 features as I came in. To my inquiries for Mrs. Bingham, 
 I received for answer that the friends Mrs. Bingham had 
 expected having left a few days before for Baden, she had 
 resolved on following them, and had now merely driven out 
 to make a few purchases before her departure, which was to 
 take place in the morning. 
 
 There is something so sad in the thought of being deserted 
 and left by one's friends under any circumstances, that I 
 cannot express how much this intelligence affected me. It 
 seemed, too, like the last stroke of bad news filling up the 
 full measure, that I was to be suddenly deprived of the 
 society of the very few friends about me, just as I stood most 
 in need of them. 
 
 Whether or not Miss Bingham noticed my embarrassment, 
 I cannot say ; but certainly she seemed not displeased, and 
 there was in the half-encouraging tone of her manner some- 
 thing which led me to suspect that she was not dissatisfied 
 with the impression her news seemed to produce upon 
 me. 
 
 Without at all alluding to my own improved fortune, or to 
 the events of the preceding night, I began to talk over the 
 coming journey and expressed my sincere regret that, having 
 lost my passport under circumstances which might create 
 some delay in retrieving it, I could not join their party as I 
 should otherwise have done. 
 
 Miss Bingham heard this speech with rather more emotion 
 than so simple a declaration was calculated to produce ; and, 
 while she threw down her eyes beneath their long, dark lashes, 
 and colored slightly, asked : 
 
 "And did you really wish to come with us ?" 
 
 " Undoubtedly," said I,
 
 292 IIARR Y LQRREQl 7. R. 
 
 "And is there no other objection than the passport ? " 
 
 " None whatever," said I, warming as I spoke, for the in- 
 terest she appeared to take in me completely upset all my 
 calculations, besides that I had never seen her looking so 
 handsome, and that, as the French wisely remark, " vaut 
 toujours quelque chose." 
 
 " Oh, then, pray come with us, which you can do, for 
 mamma has just got her passport for her nephew along with 
 her own ; and as we really don't want him nor he us, we 
 shall both be better pleased to be free of each other, and you 
 can easily afterward have your own forwarded to Baden by 
 post." 
 
 " Ah, but," said I, " how shall I be certain, if I take so 
 flattering an offer, that you will forgive me for filling up the 
 place of the dear cousin ; for, if I conjecture aright, it is ' Le 
 Cher Edouard ' that purposes to be your companion." 
 
 "Yes, you have guessed quite correctly; but you must not 
 tax me with inconsistency, but really I have grown quite tired 
 of my poor cousin since I saw him last night." 
 
 " And you used to admire him prodigiously." 
 
 "Well, well, that is all true ; but 1 do so no longer." 
 
 " Eh ! perche," said I, looking cunningly in her eye. 
 
 " For reasons that Mr. Lorrequer shall never know, if he 
 has to ask them," said the poor girl, covering her eyes with 
 her hands and sobbing bitterly. 
 
 What I thought, said, or did, upon this occasion, with all 
 my most sincere desire to make a " clean breast of it in these 
 Confessions," I know not ; but this I do know, that two 
 hours after, I found myself still sitting upon the sofa beside 
 Miss Bingham, whom 1 had been calling Emily all the while, 
 and talking more of personal matters and my own circum- 
 stances than is ever safe or prudent for a young man to do with 
 any lady under the age of his mother. 
 
 All I can now remember of this interview is the fact of 
 having arranged my departure in the manner proposed by 
 Miss Bingham — a proposition to which I acceded with an 
 affectation of satisfaction that I fear went very far to deceive 
 my fair friend. Not that the pleasure T felt in the prospect 
 was altogether feigned ; but certainly the habit of being led 
 away by the whim and temper of the moment had so much 
 become part of my nature, that I had long since despaired 
 of ever guarding myself against the propensity I had ac- 
 quired, of following every lead which any one might throw
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 293 
 
 out for me. And thus, as poor Harry Lorrequer was ever 
 the first man to get into a row at the suggestion of a friend, 
 so he only waited the least possible pressing on any occasion, 
 to involve himself in any scrape or misfortune that presented 
 itself, provided there was only some one good enough to advise 
 him to do so. 
 
 As I entered my own room, to make preparations for my 
 departure, I could not help thinking over all the events thus 
 crowded into the space of a few hours. My sudden posses- 
 sion of wealth — my prospects at Callonby still undecided — 
 my scrape at the salon — my late interview with Miss Bing- 
 ham, in which I had only stopped short of a proposal to 
 marry, were almost sufficient to occupy any reasonable mind ; 
 and so I was beginning to suspect, when the waiter informed 
 me that the Commissaire of Police was in waiting below, and 
 wished to speak to me. Affecting some surprise at the re- 
 quest, which I at once perceived the object of, I desired him 
 to be introduced. I was quite correct in my guess. The 
 information of my being concerned in the affair at the salon 
 had been communicated to the authorities, and the Com- 
 missaire had orders to obtain bail for my appearance at the 
 Tribunal de Justice on that day week," or commit me at once 
 to prison. The Commissaire politely gave me till evening to 
 procure the required bail, satisfying himself that he could 
 adopt measures to prevent my escape, and took his leave. 
 He had scarcely gone when Mr. Edward Bingham was an- 
 nounced — the reason for this visit I could not so easily divine ; 
 but I had little time allowed for my conjectures, as the same 
 instant a very smart, dapper little gentleman presented him, 
 dressed in all the extravagance of French mode. His hair, 
 which was permitted to curl upon his shoulders, was divided 
 along the middle of the head ; his mustaches were slightly 
 upturned and carefully waxed, and his small chin-tuft, or 
 Henri-quatre, most gracefully pointed ; he wore three most 
 happily contrasting colored waistcoats, and spurs of glitter- 
 ing brass. His visit was of scarcely five minutes' duration, 
 but was evidently the opening of a breaching battery by the 
 Bingham family in all form — the object of which I could at 
 least guess at. 
 
 My embarrassments were not destined to end here ; for 
 scarcely had I returned Mr. Bingham's eighth salutation at 
 the head of the staircase, when another individual presented 
 himself before me, This figure was in every respect the
 
 294 IfA RR y L ORREQ I T EK. 
 
 opposite of my last visitor. Although framed perfectly upon 
 the late Parisian school of dandyism, his, however, was the 
 " e'cole militaire." Le Capitaine Eugene de Joncourt, for 
 so he introduced himself, was a portly personage, of about 
 five-and-thirty or forty years of age, with that mixture of bon- 
 homie and ferocity in his features which the soldiers of 
 Napoleon's army either affected or possessed naturally. His 
 features, which were handsome, and the expression of which 
 was pleasing, were, as it seemed, perverted by the warlike 
 turn of a most terrific pair of whiskers and mustaches, from 
 their naturally good-humored bent ; and the practiced frown 
 and quick turn of his dark eyes were evidently only the 
 acquired advantages of his military career ; a handsome 
 mouth, with singularly regular and good teeth, took much 
 away from the farouche look of the upper part of his face ; 
 and contributed, with the aid of a most pleasing voice, to 
 impress you in his favor ; his dress was a blue braided frock 
 decorated with the cordon of the legion ; but neither these 
 nor the clink of his long cavalry spurs were necessary to con- 
 vince you that the man was a soldier ; besides that, there was 
 that mixture of urbanity and aplomb in his manner which 
 showed him to be perfectly accustomed to the usages of the 
 best society. 
 
 " May I beg to know," said he, as he seated himself slowly, 
 " if this card contains your name and address ? " handing me 
 at the same moment one of my visiting-cards. I immedi- 
 ately replied in the affirmative. 
 
 " You are then in the English service ? " 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 " Then, may I entreat your pardon for the trouble of these 
 questions, and explain the reason of my visit. I am the 
 friend of Le Baron D'Haulpenne, with whom you had the 
 altercation last night in the salon, and in whose name I have 
 come to request the address of a friend on your part." 
 
 Ho, ho, thought T, the baron is then the stout gentleman 
 that I pummelled so unmercifully near the window ; but how 
 came he by my card ? and besides, in a row of that kind, I 
 am not aware how far the matter can be conceived to go 
 further than what happens at the moment. These were the 
 thoughts of a second of time, and before I could reply any- 
 thing, tlic captain resumed : 
 
 " You seem to have forgotten the circumstance, and so 
 indeed should I like to do; but unfortunately D'Haulpenne
 
 harry LdkREQiJEk. fy$ 
 
 says that you struck him with your walking-cane ; so you 
 know, under such a state of things, there is but one course." 
 
 " But gently," added I ; " I had no cane whatever the last 
 evening." 
 
 " Oh ! I beg pardon," interrupted he ; " but my friend is 
 most positive in his account, and describes the altercation as 
 having continued from the salon to the street, when you 
 struck him, and at the same time threw him your card. Two 
 of our officers were also present ; and although, as it appears 
 from your present forgetfulness, that the thing took place in 
 the heat and excitement of the moment, still " 
 
 " But still," said I, catching up his last words, " I never 
 did strike the gentleman as you describe — never had any 
 altercation in the street — and " 
 
 " Is that your address ? " said the Frenchman, with a single 
 bow. 
 
 " Yes, certainly it is." 
 
 "Why then," said he, with a slight curl of his upper lip — 
 half smile, half derision 
 
 "Oh! make yourself perfectly easy," I replied. " If any 
 one has by an accident made use of my name, it shall not 
 suffer by such a mistake. I shall be quite at your service, 
 the moment I can find out a friend to refer you to." 
 
 I had much difficulty to utter these few words with a suit- 
 able degree of temper, so stung was I by the insolent 
 demeanor of the Frenchman, whose coolness and urbanity 
 seemed only to increase every moment. 
 
 " Then I have the honor to salute you," said he, rising, 
 with great mildness in his voice, " and shall take the liberty 
 to leave my card for the information of your friend." 
 
 So saying, he placed his card upon the table — " Le Capi- 
 taine Eugene de Joncourt, Cuirassiers de la Garde." 
 
 " I need not press upon monsieur the value of dispatch." 
 
 " I shall not lose a moment," said I, as he clattered down 
 the stairs of the hotel, with that perfect swaggering nonchal- 
 ance which a Frenchman is always an adept in ; and I re- 
 turned to my room, to meditate upon my numerous embar- 
 rassments, and think over the difficulties which every moment 
 was contributing to increase the number of. 
 
 " The indictment has certainly many counts," thought I. 
 
 Imprimis — A half-implied, but fully comprehended promise 
 to marry a young lady, with whom, I confess, I only intend 
 to journey this life — as far as Baden.
 
 2g6 HARRY I \OR R I-JU 1 F.R. 
 
 Secondly, a charge of swindling — for such the imputation 
 amounts to — at the salon. 
 
 Thirdly, another unaccountable delay in joining the Cal- 
 lonbys, with whom I am every hour in the risk of being 
 " contpromis ; " and lastly, a duel in perspective with some 
 confounded Frenchman who is at this very moment practis- 
 ing at a pistol gallery. 
 
 Such were the heads of my reflections, and such the agree- 
 able impressions my visit to Paris was destined to open with ; 
 how they were to be followed up I reserve for another 
 chapter. 
 
 CHAPTER XXX. 
 
 CAPTAIN TREVANION'S ADVENTURE. 
 
 As the day was now waning apace, and I was still unpro- 
 vided with any one who could act as my second, I set out 
 upon a search through the various large hotels in the neigh- 
 borhood, trusting that amid my numerous acquaintance I 
 should be fortunate enough to find some of them at Paris. 
 With a most anxious eye I scanned the list of arrivals at the 
 usual haunts of my countrymen, in the Rue Rivoli and the 
 Place Vendome, but without success; there were long cata- 
 logues of " Milors," with their " couriers," etc., but not one 
 name known to me in the number. 
 
 I repaired to Galignani's library, which, though crowded 
 as ever with English, did not present to me one familiar face. 
 From thence I turned into the Palais Royal, and at last, 
 completely jaded by walking, and sick from disappointment, 
 I sat down upon a bench in the Tuileries Garden. 
 
 I had scarcely been there many minutes when a gentleman 
 accosted me in English, saying : " May I ask if this be your 
 property ? " showing, at the same time, a pocket-book which 
 I had inadvertently dropped in pulling out my handkerchief. 
 As I thanked him for his attention, and was about to turn 
 away, I perceived that he continued to look very steadily at 
 me. At length he said : 
 
 " I think I am not mistaken. I have the pleasure to see 
 Mr. Lorrequer, who may perhaps recollect my name, Trevan- 
 ion of the 43d. The last time we met was at Malta." 
 
 " Oh, I remember perfectly. Indeed I should be very un-
 
 HARRY LOJiREQtfEJt. 297 
 
 grateful if I did not ; for to your kind offices there I am in- 
 debted for my life. You must surely recollect the street row 
 at ' the Caserne ' ? " 
 
 "Yes ; that was rather a brisk affair while it lasted; but, 
 pray, how long are you here ? " 
 
 " Merely a few days ; and most anxious am 1 to leave as 
 soon as possible; for independently of pressing reasons to 
 wish myself elsewhere, I have had nothing but trouble and 
 worry since my arrival, and at this instant am involved in a 
 duel, without the slightest cause that I can discover, and, 
 what is still worse, without the aid of a single friend to 
 undertake the requisite negotiations for me." 
 
 " If my services can in any way assist — — " 
 
 " Oh, my dear captain, this is really so great a favor that 
 I cannot say how much I thank you." 
 
 " Say nothing whatever, but rest quite assured that I am 
 completely at your disposal ; for although we are not very 
 old friends, yet I have heard so much of you from some of 
 ours, that I feel as if we had been long acquainted." 
 
 This was an immense piece of good fortune for me ; for of 
 all the persons I knew, he was the most suited to aid me at 
 this moment. In addition to a thorough knowledge of the 
 Continent and its habits, he spoke French fluently, and had 
 been the most rcnomme authority in the duello to a large 
 military acquaintance ; joining to a consummate tact and 
 cleverness in his diplomacy, a temper that never permitted 
 itself to be ruffled, and a most unexceptionable reputation for 
 courage. In a word, to have had Trevanion for your second, 
 was not only to have secured odds in your favor, but still 
 better, to have obtained the certainty that, let the affair take 
 what turn it might, you were sure of coming out of it with 
 credit. 
 
 He was the only man I have ever met who had much 
 mixed himself in transactions of this nature, and yet never 
 by any chance had degenerated into the fire-eater ; more 
 quiet, unassuming manners it was impossible to meet with, 
 and in the various anecdotes I have heard of him, I have 
 always traced a degree of forbearance, that men of less 
 known bravery might not venture to practise. At the same 
 time, when once roused by anything like premeditated insult 
 — or predetermined affront — he became almost ungovernable, 
 and it would be safer to beard the lion in his den than cross 
 his path. Among the many stories, and there were a great
 
 298 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 many current in his regiment concerning him, there was one 
 so singularly characteristic of the man, that, as I have pass- 
 ingly mentioned his name here, I may as well relate it ; at 
 the same time premising that, as it is well known, I may only 
 be repeating an often-heard tale to many of my readers. 
 
 When the retriment to which Trevanion belonged became 
 part of the army of occupation in Paris, he was left at Ver- 
 sailles seriously ill from the effects of a sabre-wound he re- 
 ceived at Waterloo, and from which his recovery at first was 
 exceedingly doubtful. At the end of several weeks, however, 
 he became out of danger, and was able to receive the visits 
 of his brother officers, whenever they were fortunate enough 
 to obtain a day's leave of absence to run down and see him. 
 From them he learned that one of his oldest friends in the 
 regiment had fallen in a duel, during the time of his illness, 
 and that two other officers were dangerously wounded — one 
 of whom was not expected to survive. When he inquired as 
 to the reasons of these many disasters, he was informed that 
 since the entrance of the allies into Paris, the French officers, 
 boiling with rage and indignation for their recent defeat, and 
 smarting under the hourly disgrace which the presence of 
 their conquerors suggested, sought out, by every means in 
 their power, opportunities of insult ; but always so artfully 
 contrived as to render the opposite party the challenger, thus 
 reserving to themselves the choice of the weapons. When, 
 therefore, it is borne in mind that the French are the most 
 expert swordsmen in Europe, little doubt can exist as to the 
 issue of these combats ; and, in fact, scarcely a morning 
 passed without three or four English or Prussian officers be- 
 ing carried through the Barriere de l'Etoile, if not dead, at 
 least seriously wounded, and condemned to carry with them 
 through life the inflictions of a sanguinary and savage spirit 
 of revenge. 
 
 While Trevanion listened to this sad recital, and scarcely 
 did a day come without adding to the long catalogue of dis- 
 asters, he at once perceived that the quiet deportment and 
 unassuming demeanor, which so strongly characterize the 
 English officer, were construed by their French opponents 
 into evidence of want of courage, and saw that to so system- 
 atic a plan for slaughter no common remedy could be applied ; 
 and that some coup d'Hat was absolutely necessary to put it 
 down once and forever. 
 
 In the history of these sanguinary rencontres, one name
 
 JIARRY l.OKKJ-\H r EK. 299 
 
 Was continually recurring, generally as the principal, some- 
 times the instigator, of the quarrel. This was an officer of 
 a chasseur regiment, who had the reputation of being the 
 best swordsman in the whole French army, and was no less 
 distinguished for his " skill at fence " than his uncompromis- 
 ing hatred of the British, with whom alone, of all the allied 
 forces, he was ever known to come in contact. So celebrated 
 was the " Capitaine Augustin Gende'mar " for his pursuits, 
 that it was well known at that time in Paris that he was the 
 president of a duelling club, associated for the expressed and 
 avowed object of provoking to insult, and as certainly doom- 
 ing to death, every English officer upon whom they could 
 fasten a quarrel. 
 
 The Cafe Philidor, at that period in the Rue Vivienne, was 
 the rendezvous of this reputable faction, and here " le Cap- 
 itaine " reigned supreme, receiving accounts of the various 
 "affairs " which were transacting — counselling and plotting 
 for the future. His ascendancy among his countrymen was 
 perfectly undisputed, and being possessed of great muscular 
 strength, with that peculiarly faro uc/ie exterior, without which 
 courage is nothing in France, he was in every way calculated 
 for the infamous leadership he assumed. 
 
 It was, unfortunately, to this same cafe, being situated in 
 what was called the English quarter, that the officers of the 
 43d regiment were in the habit of resorting, totally unaware 
 of the plots by which they were surrounded, and quite un- 
 suspecting the tangled web of deliberate and cold-blooded 
 assassination in which they were involved, and here took 
 place the quarrel, the result of which was the death of Tre- 
 vanion's friend, a young officer of great promise, and uni- 
 versally beloved in his regiment. 
 
 As Trevanion listened to these accounts, his impatience 
 became daily greater, that his weak state should prevent his 
 being among his brother officers, when his advice and 
 assistance were so imperatively required, and where, amid 
 all the solicitude of his perfect recovery, he could not but 
 perceive they ardently wished for him. 
 
 The day at last arrived, and restored to something like his 
 former self, Trevanion once more appeared in the mess-room 
 of his regiment. Amid the many sincere and hearty congratu- 
 lations on his recovered looks were not a few half-expressed 
 hints that he might not go much out into the world for some 
 little time to come. To these friendly admonitions Trevanion
 
 3 oo //■ •/ />' />' V LOR A' E < \ I 7i A*. 
 
 replied by a good-humored laugh, and a ready assurance that 
 he understood the intended kindness, and felt in nowise 
 disposed to be invalided again. " In fact," said he, "I have 
 come up here to enjoy life a little, not to risk it ; but, among 
 the sights of your gay capital, I must certainly have a peep 
 at your famed captain, of whom I have heard too much not 
 to feel an interest in him." 
 
 Notwithstanding the many objections to this, made with a 
 view to delay his visit to the Philidor to a later period, it 
 was at length agreed that they should all repair to the cafe 
 that evening, but upon the express understanding that every 
 cause of quarrel should be strictly avoided, and that their 
 stay should be merely sufficient to satisfy Trevanion's curiosity 
 as to the personnel of the renommb captain. 
 
 It was rather before the usual hour of the cafe's filling, that 
 a number of English officers, among whom was Trevanion, 
 entered the salon of the Philidor ; having determined not to 
 attract any unusual attention, they broke into little knots 
 and parties of threes and fours, and dispersed through the 
 room, where they either sipped their coffee or played their 
 dominoes, then, as now, the staple resource of a French cafe. 
 
 The clock over the comptoir struck eight, and, at the 
 same instant, a waiter made his appearance, carrying a 
 small table which he placed beside the fire, and, having 
 trimmed a lamp, and placed a large fauteuil before it, was 
 about to withdraw, when Trevanion, whose curiosity was 
 roused by the singularity of these arrangements, determined 
 upon asking for whose comfort they were intended. The 
 waiter stared for a moment at the question, with an air, as if 
 doubting the seriousness of him who put it, and at last, re- 
 plied : " Pour Monsieur le Capdtainej jt erais" with a certain 
 tone of significance upon the latter words. 
 
 " Le Capitaine ! but what captain ? " said he, carelessly ; 
 "fori am a captain, and that gentleman there — and there, 
 too, is another," at the same instant throwing himself listlessly 
 into ihe well-cushioned chair, and stretching out his legs at 
 full length upon the hearth. 
 
 The look of horror which this quiet proceeding on his part 
 elicited from the poor waiter so astonished him that he could 
 not help saying : " Is there anything the matter with you, my 
 friend ; are you ill ? " 
 
 "No, monsieur, not ill ; nothing the matter with me; but 
 you, sir ; oh, you, sir, pray come away."
 
 y/.iA'A' J ■ LakRRQUEK . 301 
 
 ".]/(," said Trevanion ; "me! why, my good man, I was 
 never better in my life ; so now just bring me my coffee and 
 the Moniteur^ if you have it there ; don't stare that way, but 
 do as I bid you." 
 
 There was something in the -assured tone of these few 
 words that either overawed or repressed every rising feeling 
 of the waiter for his interrogator; for, silently handing his 
 coffee and the newspaper, he left the room ; not, however, 
 without bestowing a parting glance so full of terror and dismay 
 that our friend was obliged to smile at it. All this was the 
 work of a few minutes, and not until the noise of new arrivals 
 had attracted the attention of his brother officers did they 
 perceive where he had installed himself, and to what danger 
 he was thus, as they supposed, unwittingly exposed. 
 
 It was now, however, too late for remonstrance, for already 
 several French officers had noticed the circumstance, and by 
 their interchange of looks and signs, openly evinced their 
 satisfaction at it and their delight at the catastrophe which 
 seemed inevitable to the luckless Englishman. 
 
 In perfect misery at what they conceived their own fault in 
 not apprising him of the sacred character of that place, they 
 stood silently looking at him, as he continued to sip his coffee, 
 apparently unconscious of every thing and person about 
 him. 
 
 There was now a more than ordinary silence in the cafe, 
 which at all times was remarkable for the quiet and noiseless 
 demeanor of its frequenters, when the door was flung open 
 by the ready waiter, and the Captain Augustin Gendemar 
 entered. He was a large, squarely-built man, with a most 
 savage expression of countenance, which a bushy beard, and 
 shaggy, overhanging mustache served successfully to assist ; 
 his eyes were shaded by deep, projecting brows and long 
 eyebrows slanting over them, and increasing their look of 
 piercing sharpness ; there was in his whole air and demeanor 
 that certain French air of swaggering bullyism which ever 
 remained in those who, having risen from the ranks, main- 
 tained the look of ruffianly defiance which gave their early 
 character for courage peculiar merit. 
 
 To the friendly salutations of his countrymen he returned 
 the slightest and coldest acknowledgments, throwing a glance 
 of disdain around him as he wended his way to his accustomed 
 place beside the fire. This he did with as much of noise and 
 swagger as he could well contrive ; his sabre and sabretasche
 
 3 02 HARRY LORREQCF.h'. 
 
 clanking behind, his spurs jangling, and his heavy step made 
 purposely heavier to draw upon him the notice and attention 
 he sought for. Trevanion alone testified no consciousness 
 of his entrance, and appeared totally engrossed by the columns 
 of his newspaper, from which he never lifted his eyes for an 
 instant. Le Capitaine at length reached the fire-place, when, 
 no sooner did he behold his accustomed seat in the possession 
 of another, than he absolutely started back with surprise and 
 anger. 
 
 What might have been his first impulse it is hard to say, 
 for, as the blood rushed to his face and forehead he clinched 
 his hands firmly, and seemed for an instant, as he eyed the 
 stranger, like a tiger about to spring upon his victim ; this 
 was but for a second, for turning rapidly round toward his 
 party, he gave them a look of peculiar meaning, showing two 
 rows of white teeth, with a grin which seemed to say, " I have 
 taken my line ; " and he had done so. He now ordered 
 the waiter, in a voice of thunder, to bring him a chair ; this 
 he took roughly from him, and placed with a clash upon 
 the floor, exactly opposite that of Trevanion, and still so near 
 as scarcely to permit of his sitting down upon it. The noisy 
 vehemence of this action at last appeared to have roused 
 Trevanion's attention, for he now, for the first time, looked 
 up from his paper, and quietly regarded his vis-a-vis. There 
 could not in the world be a stronger contrast to the bland 
 look and courteous expression of Trevanion's handsome 
 features than the savage scowl of the enraged Frenchman, 
 in whose features the strong and ill-repressed workings of 
 passion were twitching and distorting every lineament and 
 line ; indeed, no words could ever convey one half so forcibly 
 as did that look, insult — open, palpable, deep, determined 
 insult. 
 
 Trevanion, whose eyes had been merely for a moment 
 lifted from his paper, again fell, and he appeared to take no 
 notice whatever of the extraordinary proximity of the French- 
 man, still less of the savage and insulting character of his 
 looks. 
 
 Le Capitaine, having thus failed to bring on the eclair- 
 cissement he sought for, proceeded .to accomplish it by other 
 means, for, taking the lamp, by the light of which Trevanion 
 was still reading, he placed it at his side of the table, and at 
 the same instant stretching across his arm, he plucked the 
 newspaper from his hand, giving at the same moment a
 
 HARRY LORREQUBR. 303 
 
 glance of triumph toward the bystanders, as though he would 
 say, " You see what he must submit to." ^'ords cannot 
 describe the astonishment of the British officers, as they be- 
 held Trevanion, under this gross and open insult, content 
 himself by a slight smile and half bow, as if returning a 
 courtesy, and then throw his eyes downward, as if engaged 
 in deep thought, while the triumphant sneer of the French, 
 at this unaccountable conduct, was absolutely maddening to 
 them to endure. 
 
 But their patience was destined to submit to stronger 
 proof, for at this instant Le Capitaine stretched forth one 
 enormous leg, cased in his massive jack-boot, and with a 
 crash deposited the heel upon the foot of their friend Tre- 
 vanion. At length he is roused, thought they, for a slight 
 flush of crimson flitted across his cheek, and his upper lip 
 trembled with a quick spasmodic twitching ; but both these 
 signs were over in a second, and his features were as calm 
 and unmoved as before, and his only appearance of con- 
 sciousness of the affront was given by his drawing back his 
 chair, and placing his legs beneath it, as for protection. 
 
 This last insult, and the tame forbearance with which it 
 was submitted to, produced all their opposite effects upon 
 the bystanders, and looks of ungovernable rage and derisive 
 contempt were every moment interchanging ; indeed, were it 
 not for the all-absorbing interest which the two great actors 
 in the scene had concentrated upon themselves, the two par- 
 ties must have come at once into open conflict. 
 
 The clock of the cafe struck nine, the hour at which Gen- 
 deinar always retired, so calling to the waiter for his petit 
 verre of brandy, he replaced his newspaper upon the table, 
 and putting both his elbows upon it, and his chin upon his 
 hands, he stared full in Trevanion's face with a look of the 
 most derisive triumph, meant to crown the achievement of 
 the evening. To this, as to all his former insults, Trevanion 
 appeared still insensible, and merely regarded him with his 
 never-changing half smile ; the petit verre arrived; Le Capi- 
 taine took it in his hand, and, with a nod of most insulting 
 familiarity, saluted Trevanion, adding with a loud voice, so 
 as to be heard on every side, " A votre courage, Anglais." He 
 had scarcely swallowed the liquor when Trevanion rose 
 slowly from the chair, displaying to the astonished gaze of 
 the Frenchman the immense proportions and gigantic frame 
 of a man well known as the largest officer in the British army ;
 
 304 K* lA'KV LORREQUEK. 
 
 with one stride he was beside the chair of the Frenchman, 
 and with the speed of lightning he seized his nose by one 
 hand, while with the other he grasped his lower jaw, and, 
 wrenching open his mouth with the strength of an ogre, he 
 spat down his throat. 
 
 So sudden was the movement, that before ten seconds had 
 elapsed, all was over, and the Frenchman rushed from the 
 room holding the fragments of his jaw-bone (for it was frac- 
 tured !), and followed by his countrymen, who, from that 
 hour, deserted the Cafe Philidor, nor was there ever any 
 mention of the famous captain during the stay of the regi- 
 ment in Paris. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXI. 
 
 DIFFICULTIES. 
 
 While we walked together toward Meurice's, I explained 
 to Trevanion the position in which I stood ; and having de- 
 tailed, at full length, \\\<z fracas at the salon, and the impris- 
 onment of O'Leary, entreated his assistance in behalf of him, 
 as well as to free me from some of my many embarrass- 
 ments. 
 
 It was strange enough — though at first so pre-occupied was 
 I with other thoughts that I paid but little attention to it — 
 that no part of my eventful evening seemed to make so 
 strong an impression on him as my mention of having seen 
 my cousin Guy, and heard from him the death of my uncle. 
 At this portion of my story he smiled, with so much signifi- 
 cance of meaning, that I could not help asking his reason. 
 
 " It is always an unpleasant task, Mr. Lorrequer, to speak 
 in any way, however delicately, in a tone of disparagement of 
 a man's relatives — and, therefore, as we are not long enough 
 acquainted " 
 
 " But pray," said I, " waive that consideration, and only 
 remember the position in which I now am. If you know 
 anything of this business, I entreat you to tell me — I promise 
 to take whatever you may be disposed to communicate in 
 the same good part it is intended." 
 
 " Well, then, I believe you are right: but, first, let me ask 
 you, how do you know of your uncle's death; for 1 have 
 reason to doubt it ? "
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 305 
 
 " From Guy; he told me himself." 
 
 "When did you see him and where ?" 
 
 " Why, I have just told you ; I saw him last night at the 
 salon." 
 
 "And you could not be mistaken? " 
 
 " Impossible. Besides, he wrote to me a note which I re- 
 ceived this morning — here it is." 
 
 '' Hem — ha. Well, are you satisfied that this is his hand- 
 writing ? " said Trevanion, as he perused the note slowly 
 twice over. 
 
 " Why, of course — but stop — you are right ; it is not his 
 hand, nor do I know the writing, now that you direct my at- 
 tention to it. But what can that mean ? You surely do not 
 suppose that I have mistaken any one for him ; for, inde- 
 pendent of all else, his knowledge of my family, and my 
 uncle's affairs, would quite disprove that." 
 
 " This is really a complex affair," said Trevanion, musingly, 
 " How long may it be since you saw your cousin — before 
 last night, I mean ? " 
 
 " Several years ; above six, certainly." 
 
 " Oh, it is quite possible, then," said Trevanion, musingly ; 
 " do you know, Mr. Lorrequer, this affair seems much more 
 puzzling to me than to you, and for this plain reason — I 
 am disposed to think you never saw your cousin last 
 night." 
 
 " Why, confound it, there is one circumstance that I think 
 may satisfy you on that head. You will not deny that I saw 
 some one who very much resembled him ; and certainly, as 
 he lent me above three thousand francs to play with at the 
 table, it looks rather more like his act than that of a perfect 
 stranger." 
 
 " Have you got the money ? " asked Trevanion, dryly. 
 
 " Yes," said I ; "but certainly you are the most unbeliev- 
 ing of mortals, and I am quite happy that I have yet in my 
 possession two of the billets de banque, for, I suppose, without 
 them, you would scarcely credit me." I here opened my 
 pocket-book and produced the notes. 
 
 He took them, examined them attentively for an instant, 
 held them between him and the light, refolded them, and 
 having placed them in my pocket-book, said : " I thought as 
 much, they are forgeries." 
 
 "Hold!" said I. "My cousin Guy, whatever wildness he 
 
 may have committed, is yet totally incapable of " 
 
 20
 
 306 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 " I never said the contrary," replied Trevanion, in the 
 same dry tone as before. 
 
 "Then what can you mean, for T see no alternative be- 
 tween that and totally discrediting the evidence of my 
 senses." 
 
 " Perhaps I can suggest a. middle course," said Trevanion ; 
 "lend me therefore a patient hearing for a few moments, and 
 I may be able to throw some light upon this difficult matter. 
 You may never have heard that there is in this same city of 
 Paris a person so extremely like your cousin Guy that his 
 most intimate friends have daily mistaken the one for the 
 other, and this mistake has the more often been made from 
 the circumstance of their both being in the habit of frequent- 
 ing the same class in society, where, knowing and walking 
 with the same people, the difficulty of discriminating has 
 been greatly increased. This individual, who has too many 
 aliases for one to know which to particularize him by, is one 
 of that numerous order of beings whom a high state of civil- 
 ization is always engendering and throwing up on the sur- 
 face of society; he is a man of low birth and mean connec- 
 tions, but gifted with most taking manners and unexception- 
 able address and appearance ; these advantages, and the 
 possession of apparently independent means, have opened 
 to him the access of a certain set of people, who are well 
 known and well received in society, and obtained for him, 
 what he prizes much more, the admission into several clubs 
 where high play is carried on. In this mixed assemblage, 
 which sporting habits and gambling (that grand leveller of 
 all distinctions) have brought together, this man and your 
 cousin Guy met frequently, and from the constant allusion to 
 fhe wonderful resemblance between them, your eccentric 
 cousin, who, I must say, was never too select in his acquaint- 
 ances, frequently amused himself by practical jokes upon his 
 friends, which served still more to nurture the intimacy be- 
 tween them; and'from this habit Mr. Dudley Morewood, for 
 such is his latest patronymic, must have enjoyed frequent 
 opportunities of hearing much of your family and relations, 
 a species of information he never neglected, though at the 
 moment it might appear not so immediately applicable to 
 his purposes. Now, this man, who knows of every new 
 English arrival in Paris with as much certainly as the police 
 itself, would at once be aware of your bring here, and having 
 learned from Guy how little intercourse there had been of
 
 ■A RR Y Li )A'KE{ > I 'J-.K. 30'/ 
 
 late years between you, would not let slip an opportunity of 
 availing himself of the likeness, if anything could thereby 
 turn to his profit." 
 
 " Stop," cried I ; " you have opened my eyes completely, for 
 now I remember that, as I continued to win last night, this 
 man, who was playing hazard at another table, constantly 
 borrowed from me, but always in gold, invariably refusing 
 the billets Jc banque as too high for his game." 
 
 " There his object was clear enough ; for besides obtaining 
 your gold, he made you the means of disseminating his false 
 I'illits dc banque" 
 
 " So that I have been actually playing and winning upon 
 this fellow's forgeries," said I ; " and am perhaps at this very 
 instant inscribed in the ' Livre noir ' of the police as a most 
 accomplished swindler ; but what could be the intention of 
 his note of this morning ? " 
 
 " As to that," said Trevanion, " it is hard to say ; one thing 
 you may assuredly rely upon — it is not an unnecessary 
 epistle, whatever be its object; he never wastes his powder 
 when the game flies too high ; so we must only wait patiently 
 for the unravelment of his plans, satisfied that we, at least, 
 know something. What most surprises me is his venturing 
 at present to appear in public; for it is not above two 
 months since an escapade of his attracted so much attention 
 of the play world here, that he was obliged to leave, and it 
 was supposed that he would never return to Paris." 
 
 " One piece of good fortune there is at least," said I, 
 " which, I can safely say, repays me for any and all the 
 annoyance this unhappy affair may cause me : it is that my 
 poor old uncle is still alive and well. Not all my anticipated 
 pleasures in newly-acquired wealth could have afforded me 
 the same gratification that this fact does, for, although never 
 so much his favorite as my cousin, yet the sense of protection 
 — the feeling of confidence which is inseparable from the 
 degree of relationship between us — standing, as he has ever 
 done, in the light of a father to me, is infinitely more pleasur- 
 able than the possession of riches, which must ever suggest 
 to me the recollection of a kind friend lost to me forever. 
 But so many thoughts press on me — so many effects of this 
 affair are staring me in the face — -I really know not which 
 way to turn, nor can I even collect my ideas sufficiently to 
 determine what is first to be done." 
 
 " Leave all that to me," said Trevanion ; " it is a tangled
 
 308 HARR Y LORRE^l A'A'. 
 
 web, but I think I can unravel it ; meanwhile, where does 
 the Militaire reside ? for, among all your pressing engage- 
 ments, this affair with the Frenchman must come off first ; 
 and for this reason, although you are not really obliged to 
 give him satisfaction, by his merely producing your card, 
 and insisting that you are to be responsible for the misdeeds 
 of any one who might show it as his own address, yet I look 
 upon it as a most fortunate thing, while charges so heavy 
 may be at this moment hanging over your head, as the pro- 
 ceedings of last night involve, that you have a public oppor- 
 tunity of meeting an antagonist in the field — thereby evinc- 
 ing no fear of publicity, nor any intention of absconding; 
 for be assured that the police are at this moment in posses- 
 sion of what has occurred, and, from the fracas which fol- 
 lowed, are well disposed to regard the whole as a concerted 
 scheme to seize upon the property of the banque, a not un- 
 common wind-up here after luck fails. My advice is, there- 
 fore, meet the man at once ; 1 shall take care that the pre- 
 fect is informed that you have been imposed upon by a per- 
 son passing himself off as your relative, and enter bail for 
 your appearance whenever you are called upon ; that being 
 done, we shall have time for a moment's respite to look 
 around us, and consider the other bearings of this difficult 
 business." 
 
 " Here, then, is the card of address," said T ; " Eugene 
 de Joncourt, Capitaine de Cavalerie, No. 8, Chaussee D'An- 
 tin." 
 
 " De Joncourt ! why, confound it, this is not so pleasant ; 
 he is about the best shot in Paris, and a very steady swords- 
 man besides. I don't like this." 
 
 " But you forget, he is the friend, not the principal here." 
 
 " The more good fortune yours," said Trevanion, dryly ; 
 "for I acknowledge I should not give much for your chance 
 at twenty paces opposite his pistol ; then, who is the other? " 
 
 " Le Baron d'Haulpenne," said I, " and his name is all 
 that I know of him ; his very appearance is unknown to 
 me." 
 
 " I believe I am acquainted with him," said Trevanion ; 
 "but here we are at Meurice's. Now I shall just write a few 
 lines to a legal friend, who will manage to liberate Mr. 
 O'Leary, whose services we shall need ; two persons are 
 usual on each side in this country, and then ' a. l'ouvrage.' " 
 
 The note written and dispatched, Trevanion jumped into a
 
 //.-/ A' A' V I. ORRF.Q 1 7-A'. 369 
 
 cab, and set out for the Chausse'c D'Antin, leaving me to think 
 over, as well as I could, the mass of trouble and confusion 
 that twentv-four hours of life in Paris had involved me in. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXII. 
 
 EXPLANATION. 
 
 It was past seven o'clock when Trevanion made his ap- 
 pearance, accompanied by O'Leary ; and having in few words 
 informed me that a meeting was fixed for the following morn- 
 ing, near St. Cloud, proposed, that we should at once go to 
 dinner at Verey's, after which we should have plenty of time 
 to discuss the various steps to be taken. As we were leaving 
 the hotel for this purpose, a waiter requested of me to per- 
 mit Mr. Meurice to speak a few words tome ; which, having 
 agreed to, I entered the little bureau where this czar of 
 hotels sits enthroned, and what was my surprise to learn the 
 request he had to prefer was nothing less than that I would 
 so far oblige him as to vacate the room I possessed in the 
 hotel, adding that my compliance would confer upon him 
 the power to accommodate a " milor " who had written for 
 apartments, and was coming with a large suite of servants. 
 Suspecting that some rumor of the late affair at Frascati's 
 might have influenced my friend Meurice in this unusual 
 demand, I abruptly refused, and was about to turn away, 
 when he, perhaps guessing that I had not believed his state- 
 ments, handed me an open letter, saying, " You see, sir, this 
 is the letter; and as I am so pressed for spare room, I must 
 now refuse the writer." 
 
 As my eye glanced at the writing, I started back in amaze- 
 ment to perceive it was in my cousin Guy's hand, requesting 
 that apartments might be retained for Sir Guy Lorrequer, 
 my uncle, who was to arrive in Paris by the end of the week. 
 If any doubt had remained on my mind as to the deception 
 I had been duped by, this would have completely dispelled 
 it, but I had long before been convinced of the trick, and 
 only wondered how the false Guy — Mr. Dudley Morewood — 
 had contrived to present himself to me so opportunely, and 
 by what means, in so short a space of time, he had become 
 acquainted with my personal appearance.
 
 3 i 6 tl A RR Y 1 0RR1.Q I A A'. 
 
 As I mentioned this circumstance of the letter to Tre- 
 vanion, he could not conceal his satisfaction at his sagacity 
 in unravelling the mystery, while this new intelligence con- 
 firmed the justness and accuracy of all his explanations. 
 
 While we walked along toward the Palais Royal, Tre- 
 vanion endeavored, not very successfully, to explain to my 
 friend O'Leary the nature of the trick which had been 
 practised, promising, at another time, some revelations.con- 
 cerning the accomplished individual who had planned it, 
 which, in boldness and daring, eclipsed even this. 
 
 Any one who in waking has had the confused memory of 
 a dream, in which events have been so mingled and mixed 
 as to present no uniform narrative, but only a mass of 
 strange and incongruous occurrences, without object or con- 
 nection, may form some notion of the state of restless ex- 
 citement my brain suffered from, as the many and conflict- 
 ing ideas my late adventures suggested presented them- 
 selves to my mind in rapid succession. 
 
 The glare, the noise, and the clatter of a French cafe are 
 certainly not the agents most in request for restoring a man 
 to the enjoyment of his erring faculties ; and, if I felt addled 
 and confused before, I had scarcely passed the threshold of 
 Verey's when I became absolutely like one in a trance. The 
 large salon was more than usually crowded, and it was with 
 difficulty that we obtained a place at a table, where some 
 other English were seated, among whom I recognized my 
 lately made acquaintance, Mr. Edward Bingham. 
 
 Excepting a cup of coffee, I had taken nothing the entire 
 day, and so completely did my anxieties of different kinds 
 subdue all appetite that the most recherche viands of this 
 well-known restaurant did not in the least tempt me. The 
 champagne alone had any attraction for me ; and, seduced 
 by the icy coldness of the wine, I drank copiously. This 
 was all that was wanting to complete the maddening con- 
 fusion of my brain, and the effect was instantaneous : the 
 lights danced before my eyes, the lustres whirled round, and 
 as the scattered fragments of conversation on either side met 
 my ear, I was able to form some not very inaccurate con- 
 ception of what insanity may be. Politics and literature, 
 Mexican bonds and Noblet's legs, Pates de perdreaux and the 
 quarantine laws, the extreme gait rhe 'and the "Bains Ch/nois," 
 Victor Hugo and rouge ct voir, had formed a species of grand 
 ballet traction in my fevered brain, and I was perfectly beside
 
 HA RR Y L ORREQ I r ER. 3 1 1 
 
 myself. Occasionally, too, I would revert to my own con- 
 cerns, although I was scarcely able to follow up any train of 
 thought for more than a few seconds together, and totally 
 inadequate to distinguish the false from the true. I continued 
 to confound the counterfeit with my cousin, and wonder how 
 my poor uncle, for whom I was about to put on the deepest 
 mourning, could possibly think of driving me out of my lodgings. 
 Of my duel for the morning I had the most shadowy recollec- 
 tions, and could not perfectly comprehend whether it was 
 O'Leary or I was the principal, and indeed cared but little. 
 In this happy state of independent existence I must have 
 passed a considerable time, and, as my total silence when 
 spoken to, or my irrelevant answers, appeared to have tired 
 out my companions, they left me to the uninterrupted enjoy- 
 ment of my own pleasant imaginings. 
 
 " Do you hear, Lorrequer ? " at last said Trevanion. " Are 
 you asleep, my dear friend ? This gentleman has been good 
 enough to invite us to breakfast to-morrow at St. Cloud." 
 
 I looked up, and was just able to recognize the well- 
 trimmed mustache of Air. Edward Bingham, as he stood 
 mumbling something before me. " St. Cloud — what of St. 
 Cloud ? " said I. 
 
 " We have something in that quarter to morrow." 
 
 " What is it, O'Leary ? Can we go ? " 
 
 "Oh ! certainly — our engagement is an early one." 
 
 " We shall accept your polite invitation with pleasure " 
 
 Here he stooped over and whispered something in my ear 
 — what, I cannot say ; but I know that my reply, now equally 
 lost to me, produced a hearty fit of laughing to my two 
 friends. 
 
 My next recollection is finding myself in a crowded logc 
 at the theatre. It seems that O'Leary had acceded to a pro- 
 posal from some of the other party to accompany them to 
 the Porte St. Martin, where Mrs. Bingham and her daughter 
 had engaged a box. Amid all the confusion which troubled 
 thoughts and wine produced in me, I could not help perceiv- 
 ing a studied politeness and attention on the part of Mr. 
 Edward Bingham toward me ; and my first sobering reflec- 
 tion came, on finding that a place was reserved for me beside 
 Miss Bingham, into which, by some contrivance I can in 
 nowise explain, I found myself almost immediately installed. 
 To all the excitements of champagne and punch, let the at- 
 tractions of a French ballet be added, and with a singularly
 
 3 1 2 HA R£ Y L ORREQ UER. 
 
 pretty companion at your side, to whom you have already 
 made sufficient advances to be aware that you are no longer 
 indifferent to her, and I venture to predict that it is much 
 more likely your conversation will incline to flirting fhan 
 political economy ; and moreover, that you make more pro- 
 gress during the performance of one single pas de deux upon 
 the stage, than you have hitherto done in ten morning calls, 
 with an unexceptionable whisker and the best fitting gloves 
 in Paris. Alas ! alas ! it is only the rich man that ever wins 
 at rouge et noir. The well insured Indiaman with her cargo 
 of millions comes safe into port, while the whole venture of 
 some hardy veteran of the wave founders within sight of his 
 native shore. So is it ever ; where success would be all and 
 everything, it never comes — but only be indifferent or regard- 
 less, and fortune is at your feet, suing and imploring your ac- 
 ceptance of her favors. What would I not have given for one 
 half of that solicitude now so kindly expressed in my favor 
 by Miss Bingham, if syllabled by the lips of Lady Jane 
 Callonby — how would my heart have throbbed for one light 
 smile from one while I ungratefully basked in the openly 
 avowed preference of the other. These were my first 
 thoughts — what were the succeeding ones ? 
 
 " Comment elle est belle," said a Frenchwoman, turning 
 round in the box next to us, and directing at the same 
 moment the eyes of a mustached hero upon my fair com- 
 panion. 
 
 What a turn to my thoughts did this unexpected ejacula- 
 tion give rise to ! I now began to consider her more atten- 
 tively, and certainly concurred fully in the Frenchwoman's 
 verdict. I had never seen her look half so well before. 
 The great fault in her features, which were most classically 
 regular, lay in the monotony and uniform character of their 
 expression. Now this was quite changed. 1 ler cheeks were 
 slightly flushed, and her eyes more brilliant than ever; while 
 her slightly parted lips gave a degree of speaking earnest- 
 ness to her expression that made her perfectly beautiful. 
 
 Whether it was from this cause I cannot say, but I cer- 
 tainly never felt so suddenly decided in my life from one 
 course to its very opposite, as I now did to make Faimahlr 
 to my lovely companion. And here, I fear, I must acknowl- 
 edge, in the honesty of these confessional details, that vanity 
 had also its share in the decision. To be the admitted and 
 preferred suitor of the prettiest woman in company is gener-
 
 ftAfik¥-Ldkk£Qt!ER. 31 < 
 
 ally a strong inducement to fall desperately in love with her, 
 independently of other temptations for so doing. 
 
 How far my successes tallied with my good intentions in 
 this respect, 1 cannot now say. I only remember that more 
 than once O'Leary whispered to me something like a caution 
 of some sort or other ; but Emily's encouraging smiles and 
 still more encouraging speeches had far more effect upon me 
 than all the eloquence of the united service, had it been 
 engaged in my behalf, would have effected. Mrs. Bingham 
 too — who, to do her justice, seemed but little cognizant of 
 our proceedings — from time to time evinced that species of 
 motherly satisfaction which very young men rejoice much in 
 and older ones are considerably alarmed at. 
 
 The play over, O'Leary charged himself with the pro- 
 tection of madam, while I enveloped Emily in her cashmere, 
 and drew her arm within my own. What my hand had to do 
 with hers I know not ; it remains one of the unexplained 
 difficulties of that eventful evening. I have, it is true, a 
 hazy recollection of pressing some very taper and delicately 
 formed fingers ; and remember, too, the pain I felt next 
 morning on awaking, by the pressure of a too tight ring, 
 which had, by some strange accident, found its way to my 
 finger, for which its size was but ill adapted. 
 
 "You will join us at supper, I hope," said Mrs. Bingham, 
 as Trevanion handed her to her carriage. " Mr. Lorrequer, 
 Mr. O'Leary, we shall expect you." 
 
 I was about to promise to do so, when Trevanion suddenly 
 interrupted me, saying that he had already accepted an in- 
 vitation, which would, unfortunately, prevent us ; and having 
 hastily wished the ladies good-night, hurried me away so 
 abruptly, that I had not a moment given for even one part- 
 ing look at the fair Emily. 
 
 " Why, Trevanion," said I, " what invitation are you 
 dreaming of? I for one should have been delighted to have 
 gone home with the Binghams." 
 
 " So I perceive," said Trevanion, gravely ; " and it was 
 for that precise reason I so firmly refused what, individually, 
 I should have been most happy to accept." 
 
 " Then pray have the goodness to explain." 
 
 " It is easily done. You have already, in recounting your 
 manifold embarrassments, told me enough of these people, 
 to let me see that they intend you should marry among them ; 
 and, indeed, you have gone quite far enough to encourage
 
 314 H.lh'KY LORkEQUtiR. 
 
 such an expectation. Your present excited state has led 
 you sufficiently far this evening, and 1 could not answer for 
 your not proposing in all form before the supper was over; 
 therefore, I had no other course open to me than positively 
 to refuse Mrs. Bingham's invitation. But here we are now 
 at the ' Cadran Rouge ; ' we shall have our lobster and a glass 
 of Moselle, and then to bed, for we must not forget that we 
 are to be at St. Cloud by seven." 
 
 " Ah ! that is a good thought of yours about the lobsters," 
 said O'Leary ; " and now, as you understand these matters, 
 just order supper, and let us enjoy ourselves." 
 
 With all the accustomed dispatch of a restaurant, a most 
 appetizing/^/// souper made its speedy appearance ; and al- 
 though now perfectly divested of the high excitement which 
 had hitherto possessed me, my spirits were excellent, and I 
 never more relished our good fare and good fellowship. 
 
 After a full bumper to the health of the fair Emily had 
 been proposed and drained by all three, Trevanion again ex- 
 plained how much more serious difficulty would result from 
 any false step in that quarter than from all my other scrapes 
 collectively. 
 
 This he represented so strongly, that for the first time I 
 began to perceive the train of ill consequences that must in- 
 evitably result, and promised most faithfully to be guided by 
 any counsel he might feel disposed to give me. 
 
 " Ah ! what a pity," said O'Leary, " it is not my case. It's 
 very little trouble it would cost any one to break off a match 
 for me. I had always a most peculiar talent for those 
 things." 
 
 " Indeed ? " said Trevanion. " Pray, may we know your 
 secret ? for perhaps, ere long, we may have occasion for its 
 employment." 
 
 "Tell it, by all means," said I. 
 
 " If I do," said O'Leary, " it will cost you a patient hearing ; 
 for my experiences are connected with two episodes in my 
 early life, which, although not very amusing, are certainly 
 instructive." 
 
 " Oh ! by all means, let us hear them," said Trevanion : 
 " for we have yet two bottles of chambertin left, and must 
 finish them ere we part." 
 
 " Well, agreed," said O'Leary ; " only, once for all, as 
 what I am about to confide is strictly confidential, you must 
 promise never even to allude to it hereafter in even the must
 
 HABR ) ' LORREQUE R. 3 1 5 
 
 remote manner, much less indulge in any unseemly mirth 
 at what I shall relate." 
 
 Having pledged ourselves to secrecy and a becoming 
 seriousness, O'Leary began his story as follows: 
 
 CHAPTER XXXxII. 
 
 MR. O'LEARY'S FIRST ; OVE. 
 
 " It was during the vice-royalty oi .he late Duke of Rich- 
 mond that the incidents I am about to mention took place. 
 That was a few years since, and I was rather younger, and a 
 little more particular about my dress than at present." Here 
 the little man cast an eye of stoical satisfaction upon his un- 
 couth habiliments, that nearly made us forget our compact 
 and laugh outright. " Well, in those wild and headstrong 
 days of youthful ardor, I fell in love — desperately in love — 
 and as always is, I believe, the case with our early experi- 
 ments in that unfortunate passion, the object of my affection 
 was in every way unsuited to me. She was a tall, dark- 
 haired, dark-eyed maiden, with a romantic imagination, and 
 a kind of a half-crazed poetic fervor, that often made me 
 fear for her intellect. I'm a short, rather fat — I was always 
 given this way " — here he patted a waistcoat that would tit 
 Daniel Lambert — " happy-minded little fellow, that liked my 
 supper of oysters at the Pigeon House, and my other creature- 
 comforts, and hated everything that excited or put one out 
 of one's way, just as I would have hated a blister. Then, 
 the devil would have it — for as certainly as marriages are 
 made in heaven, flirtations have something to say to the 
 other place — that I should fall most irretrievably in love with 
 Lady Agnes Moreton. Bless my soul, it absolutely puts me 
 in a perspiration this hot day, just to think over all I went 
 through on her account ; for, strange to say, the more I 
 appeared to prosper in her good graces, the more did she 
 exact on my part ; the pursuit was like Jacob's ladder — if it 
 did lead to heaven it was certainly an awfully long journey, 
 and very hard on one's legs. There was not an amusement 
 she could think of, no matter how unsuited to my tastes or 
 my abilities, that she did not immediately take a violent
 
 3 1 6 HA RR Y LORREQUER. 
 
 fancy to ; and then there was no escaping, and I was at once 
 obliged to go with the tide ; and heaven knows if it would 
 not have carried me to my grave if it were not for the fort- 
 unate (I now call it) accident that broke off the affair forever. 
 One time she took a fancy to yachting, and all the danglers 
 about her — and she always had a cordon of them — young 
 aids-de-camp of her father, the general, and idle hussars, in 
 clanking sabretasches and most absurd mustaches — all ap- 
 proved of the taste, and so kept filling her mind with anec- 
 dotes of corsairs and smugglers, that at last nothing would 
 satisfy her till I — I, who always would rather have waited for 
 low water, and waded the Liffey in all its black mud, than 
 cross over in the ferry-boat, for fear of sickness — I was ob- 
 liged to put an advertisement in the newspaper for a pleas- 
 ure-boat, and, before three weeks, saw myself owner of a 
 clinker-built schooner, of forty-eight tons, that by some 
 mockery of fortune was called ' The Delight.' I wish you 
 saw me, as you might have done every morning for about a 
 month, as I stood on the custom-house quay, giving orders 
 for the outfit of the little craft. At first, as she bobbed and 
 pitched with the flood-tide, I used to be a little giddy and 
 rather qualmish, but at last I learned to look on without my 
 head reeling. I began to fancy myself very much of a 
 sailor, a delusion considerably encouraged by a huge pea- 
 jacket and a sou'-wester, both of which, though it was in the 
 dog-days, Agnes insisted upon my wearing, saving I looked 
 more like Dirk Hatteraick, who, I understood, was one of 
 her favorite heroes in Walter Scott. In fact, after she sug- 
 gested this, she and all her friends called me nothing but 
 Dirk. 
 
 " Well, at last, after heaven knows how many excuses on my 
 part, and entreaties for delay, a day was appointed for our 
 first excursion. I shall never forget that day — the entire 
 night before it I did not close my eyes ; the skipper had told 
 me in his confounded sea-jargon that if the wind was in one 
 quarter, we should have a short, tossing sea ; and if in 
 another, a long, rolling swell ; and if in a third, a happy 
 union of both — in fact, he made it out that it could not pos- 
 sibly blow right, an opinion I most heartily coincided in, and 
 most devoutly did I pray for a calm that would not permit of 
 our stirring from our moorings, and thus mar our projected 
 party of pleasure. My prayer wis unheard, but my hopes 
 rose on the other hand, for it blew tremendously during the
 
 HA K RY L ORREQ UER. 3 1 7 
 
 entire night ; and although there was a lull toward morning, 
 the sea, even in the river, was considerable. 
 
 " I had just come to the conclusion, that I was safe for 
 this time, when the steward poked his head into the room 
 and said, 
 
 " ' Mr. Brail wishes to know, sir, if he'll bend the main- 
 sail to day, as it's blowing rather fresh, and he thinks the 
 spars light.' 
 
 " ' Why, the devil take him, he would not have us go out 
 in a hurricane ; surely, Pipes, we could not take out ladies 
 to-day ? ' 
 
 " ' Oh, bless your heart, yes, sir ; it blows a bit, to be sure, 
 but she's a good sea-boat, and we can run for Arklow or the 
 Hook, if it comes fresher.' 
 
 " ' Oh, nonsense, there's no pleasure in that ; besides, I'm 
 sure they won't like it — the ladies won't venture, you'll see.' 
 
 " ' Ay, sir, but they're all on board already ; there's eight 
 ladies in the cabin and six on deck, and as many hampers of 
 victuals and as much crockery as if we were a-goin' to 
 Madeira. Captain Grantham, sir, the soldier officer, with 
 the big beard, is a-mixing punch in the grog-tub.' 
 
 " ' From the consequences of this day I proclaim myself 
 innocent,' said I, with a solemn voice, as I drew on my 
 duck trousers, and prepared to set out. 
 
 "'And the mainsail, sir ? ' said the steward, not under- 
 standing what I said. 
 
 " ' I care not which,' said I, doggedly ; ' act or part in this 
 wilful proceeding I'll not take.' 
 
 "' Ay, ay, sir,' said the stupid wretch, ' then I'll say you're 
 coming, and he may stretch the large canvas ; for the skipper 
 says he likes a wet jacket when he has gentlemen out.' 
 
 " Never did a victim put on a flame-colored garment, the 
 emblem of fate, and set out on the march of death, with a 
 heavier heart, than did I put on my pilot-coat that morning 
 to join my friends. 
 
 " My last hope deserted me as I saw the little vessel lying 
 beside the quay ; for I continued to trust that in getting out 
 from the dock some accident or mischance might occur to 
 spoil our sport. But no; there she lay rolling and pitching 
 in such a way, that even at anchor they could not stand on 
 the deck without holding. Amid the torrent of compliments 
 for the perfection of all my arrangements, and innumerable 
 sweet things on my taste in the decoration and fitting up of
 
 3 i-S HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 my cabin, I scarcely felt myself afloat for some minutes, and 
 we got under way amid a noise and uproar that absolutely 
 prevented the possibility of thought. 
 
 " Hitherto our destination had not been mentioned, and 
 as all the party appealed to Lady Agnes, I could not be less 
 gallant, and joined them in their request. 
 
 " 'Well, then, what do you think of Lambay? ' said she. 
 looking at the same moment toward the skipper. 
 
 " ' We can make it, my lady,' said the man, 'but we'll 
 have a roughish sea of it, for there's a strong point of west- 
 ward in the wind.' 
 
 " ' Then don't think of it.' said I. 'We have come out for 
 pleasure, not to make our friends sick, or terrify them. It 
 does very well for us men.' 
 
 " ' There you are, Dirk, with your insolent sneers about 
 woman's nerves and female cowardice. Now, nothing but 
 Lambay will content me — what say you, ladies ? ' 
 
 " A general reply of approval met this speech, and it was 
 carried by acclamation. 
 
 " ' Lambay then be it,' said T, with the voice of a man 
 who, entreating to be shot, is informed that he cannot be 
 afforded that pleasure, as his sentence is to be hanged. But 
 I must hasten over these painful recollections. We dropped 
 down the river, and soon left the light-house and its long 
 pier behind us, the mast bending like a whip, and the sea 
 boiling like barm over the lee gunwale. Still the spirits of 
 our party only rose the lighter, and nothing but eulogies 
 upon the men and sailing of the craft resounded on all sides ; 
 the din and buzz of the conversation went on only more 
 loudly and less restrictedly than if the party had been on 
 shore ; and all, even myself, seemed happy, for up to this 
 moment I had not been sea-sick, yet certain unpleasant sen- 
 sations, that alternately evinced themselves in my stomach 
 and my head, warned me of what was in store for me. The 
 word was now given to tack ; I was in the act of essaying 
 a soft speech to Lady Agnes, when the confounded cry arose 
 of ' Ready about, starboard there, let go sheets and tacks, 
 stand by, haul.' The vessel plunged head foremost into the 
 boiling sea, which hissed on either bow ; the heavy boom 
 swung over, carrying my hat along with it — and almost my 
 head too. The rest of the party, possibly better informed 
 than myself, speedily changed their places to the opposite 
 side of the boat, while I remained holding off fast by the
 
 IfARKY LORREQVEN. $t§ 
 
 gunwale, till the sea, rushing over what was now become the 
 lee side, carried me head over heels into the shingle ballast 
 in the waist. Lord, how they did laugh. Agnes, too, who 
 never before could get beyond a very faint smile, grew almost 
 hysterical at my performance. As for me, I only wanted 
 this to complete my long threatened misfortune ; sea-sickness, 
 in all its most miserable forms, set in upon me, and ere half 
 an hour I lay upon that heap of small stones, as indifferent 
 to all around and about me as though I was dead. Oh, the 
 long dreary hours of that melancholy day ! it seemed like a 
 year. They tacked and tacked, they were beat and tacked 
 again, the sea washing over me, and the ruffianly sailors 
 trampling upon me without the slightest remorse, whenever 
 they had any occasion to pass back or forward. From my 
 long trance of suffering I was partly roused by the steward 
 shaking my shoulder, saying : 
 
 " ' The gentlemen wish to know, sir, if you'd like summat 
 to eat, as they're a-goin' to have a morsel ; we are getting into 
 slack water now.' 
 
 " ' Where are we ? ' I replied, in a sepulchral voice. 
 
 " Off the Hook, sir ; we have had a most splendid run, but 
 I fear we'll catch it soon ; there's some dirty weather to the 
 westward.' 
 
 " ' God grant it,' said I, piously, and in a low tone. 
 
 " ' Did you say you'd have a bite to eat, sir ? ' 
 
 " ' No ! Eat — am I a cannibal ? Eat — go away ! Mark 
 me, my good fellow, I'll pay you your wages, if ever we get 
 ashore ; you'll never set another foot aboard with me.' 
 
 " The man looked perfectly astounded as he moved away, 
 and my thoughts were soon engrossed by the proceedings 
 near me. The rattle of knives and the jingling of plates and 
 glasses went on very briskly for some time, accompanied by 
 various pleasant observations of my guests, for such I judged 
 them, from the mirth which ever followed them. At last I 
 thought I heard my name, or at least what they pleased to 
 use as its substitute, mentioned. I strained my ears to listen, 
 and learned that they were planning to talk over the pre- 
 tended intention to run for Cowes, and see the regatta. This 
 they discussed then, for about twenty minutes, in a loud voice, 
 purposely to see its effects upon me ; but as I was now aware 
 of the trick, I gave no sign of any intelligence. 
 
 " ' Poor Dirk ! ' said Grantham ; ' I believe by this time he 
 cares very little which way her head lies ; but here comes
 
 320 ftARRV LORREQUER. 
 
 Something better than all onr discussions. Lady Agnes, sit 
 here. Miss Pelhain, here's a dry cushion for you. Did you 
 say a wing, Lady Mary ? ' 
 
 " Now began the clash and clatter of dinner ; champagne 
 corks popping, glasses ringing, and all that peculiar admixture 
 of fracas and fun which accompanies a scrambled meal. 
 How they did laugh and eat, ay, and drink too. G.'s punch 
 seemed to have its success, for, sick as I was, I could per- 
 ceive the voices of the men grow gradually louder, and dis- 
 covered that two gentlemen who had been remarkably timid 
 in the morning, and scarcely opened their lips, were now 
 rather uproariously given, and one even proposed to sing. 
 
 If any man, thought I, were to look for an instant at the 
 little scene now enacting here, what a moral might he reap 
 from it ; talk of the base ingratitude of the world, you can- 
 not say too much of it. Who would suppose that it was my 
 boat these people were assembled in ; that it was my cham- 
 pagne these people were drinking ; that my venison and my 
 pheasants were feeding those lips, which rarely spoke, except 
 to raise a jest at my expense. My chagrin increased my 
 sickness, and my sickness redoubled my chagrin. 
 
 " ' Mr. Brail,' said I, in a low whisper, ' Mr. Brail;' 
 
 "'Did you speak, sir?' said he, with about as much sur- 
 prise in his manner as though he had been addressed by a 
 corpse. 
 
 " ' Mr. Brail,' said I, ' is there any danger here ? ' 
 
 "'Lord love you, no, sir; she's walking Spanish, and the 
 sea going down ; we shall have lovely weather, and they're 
 all enjoying it, sir — the ladies.' 
 
 '"So I perceive,' said I, with a groan; 'so I perceive; 
 but, Mr. Brail, could you do nothing — just to — to— startle 
 them a little, I mean for fun only ? Just ship a heavy sea 
 or two : I don't care for a little damage, Mr. Hrail, and if it 
 were to wash over the dinner-service, and all the wine, I 
 should not like it worse.' 
 
 " ' Why, sir, you are getting quite funny, the sickness is 
 going.' 
 
 '" No, Mr. Brail, worse than ever, my head is in two pieces, 
 and my stomach in the back of my mouth ; but 1 should like 
 you to do this — so just manage it, will you, and there's twenty 
 pounds in my pocket-book, you can have it ; there now, wmi'l 
 you oblige me? — and hark ye, Mr. Brail — if Captain Orant- 
 ham were to be washed over by mere accident, it cannot be
 
 JIArry L6kk£QVER. 32 f 
 
 helped ; accidents are always occurring in boating parties. 
 Go now, you know what I mean.' 
 
 " ' But, sir,' began he. 
 
 '"Weil, then, Mr. Brail, you won't — very well — now all I 
 have to say is this : that the moment I can find strength to 
 do it, I'll stave out a plank ; I'll scuttle the vessel, that's all; 
 I have made up my mind, and look to yourselves now.' 
 
 " Saying these words, I again threw myself upon the ballast, 
 and, as the gay chorus of a drinking song was wafted across 
 me, prayed devoutly that we might all go down to the bottom, 
 The song over, I heard a harsh, gruff voice mixing with the 
 more civilized tones of the party, and soon perceived that 
 Mr. Brail was recounting my proposal amid the most up- 
 roarious shouts of laughter I ever listened to. Then followed 
 a number of pleasant suggestions for my future management; 
 one proposing to have me tried for mutiny, and sentenced to 
 a ducking over the side, another that J should be taned on 
 my back, to which the latter most humane notion the fair 
 Agnes subscribed, averring that she was resolved upon my 
 deserving my sobriquet of Dirk Hatteraick. My wrath was 
 now the master even of deadly sickness. I got upon my 
 knees, and having in vain tried to reach my legs, I struggled 
 aft. In this posture did I reach the quarter-deck. What 
 my intention precisely was in this excursion, I have no notion 
 of now, but I have some very vague idea, that I meant to 
 react the curse of Kehama upon the whole party. At last 
 I mustered strength to rise ; but, alas ! I had scarcely reached 
 the standing position, when a tremendous heel of the boat to 
 one side threw me into the gunwale, and before J. was able 
 to recover my balance, a second lurch pitched me headlong 
 into the sea. I have, thank God, no further recollection of 
 my misfortunes. When I again became conscious I found my- 
 self wrapped up in a pilot-coat, while my clothes were drying ; 
 the vessel was at anchor, in Wexford. My attached friends 
 had started for town with post-horses, leaving me no less 
 cured of love than aquatics. 
 
 " ' The' Delight ' passed over in a few days to some more 
 favored son of Neptune, and I hid my shame and my mis- 
 fortunes by a year's tour on the Continent." 
 
 " Although I acknowledge," said Trevanion, " that hither- 
 to I have reaped no aid from Mr. O'Leary's narrative, yet I 
 think it is not without a moral." 
 
 " Well, but," said I, " he has got another adventure to tell
 
 322 harry LdkRkQi y-.7v\ 
 
 us ; we have quite time for it, so pray pass the wine and let 
 us have it." 
 
 " I have just finished the Burgundy," said O'Leary, " and 
 if you will ring for another flask, I have no objection to let 
 you hear the story of my second love." 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV. 
 
 MR. O'LEARY'S SECOND LOVE. 
 
 " You may easily suppose," began Mr. O'Leary, " that the 
 unhappy termination of my first passion served as a shield 
 to me for a long time against my unfortunate tendencies 
 toward the fair, and such was really the case. I never 
 spoke to a young lady for three years after, without a reeling 
 in my head, so associated in my mind was love and sea-sick- 
 ness. However, at last, what will not time do ? It was 
 about four years from the date of this adventure, when I be- 
 came so oblivious of my former failure, as again to tempt 
 my fortune. My present choice, in everyway unlike the last, 
 was a gay, lively girl, of great animal spirits, and a con- 
 siderable turn for raillery, that spared no one ; the members 
 of her own family were not even sacred in her eyes ; and her 
 father, a reverend dean, as frequently figured among the 
 ludicrous as his neighbors. 
 
 " The Kvershams had been very old friends of a rich aunt 
 of mine, who never, by the by, had condescended to notice 
 me till I made their acquaintance ; but no sooner had I done 
 so than she sent for me, and gave me to understand that in 
 the event of my succeeding to the hand of Fanny Eversham, 
 I should be her heir and the possessor of about sixty thousand 
 pounds. She did not stop here ; but by canvassing the dean 
 in my favor, speedily put the matter on a most favorable 
 footing, and in less than two months I was received as the 
 accepted suitor of the fair Fanny, then one of the reigning 
 belles of Dublin. 
 
 " They lived at this time about three miles from town, in 
 a very pretty country, where I used to pass all my morn- 
 ings, and many of my evenings, too, in a state of happiness 
 that I should have considered perfect, if it were not for two 
 unhappy blots — one, the taste of my betrothed for laughing
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 323 
 
 at her friends ; another, the diabolical propensity of my in- 
 tended father-in-law to talk politics ; to the former I could 
 submit; but with the latter submission only made bad worse ; 
 for he invariably drew up as I receded, dryly observing that 
 with men who had no avowed opinions it was ill-agreeing ; 
 or that, with persons who kept their politics as a school-boy 
 does his pocket-money, never to spend, and always ready to 
 change, it was unpleasant to dispute. Such taunts as these 
 I submitted to, as well I might ; secretly resolving, that as I 
 now knew the meaning of whig and tory, I'd contrive to spend 
 my life, after marriage, out of the worthy dean's diocese. 
 
 " Time wore on, and at length, to my most pressing 
 solicitations, it was conceded that a day for our marriage 
 should be appointed. Not even the unlucky termination of 
 this my second love affair can deprive me of the happy 
 souvenir of the few weeks which were to intervene before 
 our destined union. 
 
 " The mornings were passed in ransacking all the shops 
 where wedding finery could be procured — laces, blondes, 
 velvets, and satins littered every corner of the deanery — and 
 there was scarcely a carriage in a coach-maker's yard in the 
 city that I had not sat and jumped in, to try the springs, by 
 the special direction of Mrs. Eversham, who never ceased to 
 impress me with the awful responsibility I was about to take 
 upon me, in marrying so great a prize as her daughter — a 
 feeling I found very general among many of my friends at 
 the Kildare Street club. 
 
 w Among the many indispensable purchases which I was 
 to make, and about which Fanny expressed herself more 
 than commonly anxious, was a saddle-horse for me. She 
 was a great horsewoman, and hated riding with only a serv- 
 ant ; and had given me to understand as much about half a 
 dozen times each day for the last five weeks. How shall I 
 acknowledge it — equestrianism was never my forte. I had 
 all my life considerable respect for the horse as an animal, 
 pretty much as I dreaded a lion or a tiger; but as to any 
 intention of mounting upon the back of one, and taking a 
 ride, I should as soon have dreamed of taking an airing upon 
 a giraffe ; and as to the thought of buying, feeding, and 
 maintaining such a beast at my own proper cost, I should 
 just as soon have determined to purchase a pillory or a duck- 
 ing-stool, by way of amusing my leisure hours. 
 
 " However, Fanny was obstinate — whether she suspected
 
 324 HARRY l.OKREQUER. 
 
 anything or not I cannot say — but nothing seemed to turn 
 her from her purpose ; and although I pleaded a thousand 
 things in delay, yet she grew each day more impatient, and 
 at last I saw there was nothing for it but to submit. 
 
 " When I arrived at this last bold resolve, I could not 
 help feeling that to possess a horse, and not be able to mount 
 him, was only deferring the ridicule ; and as I had so often 
 expressed the difficulty I felt in suiting myself as a cause of 
 my delay, I could not possibly come forward with anything 
 very objectionable, or I should be only the more laughed at. 
 There was, then, but one course to take ; a fortnight still 
 intervened before the day which was to make me happy, and 
 I accordingly resolved to take lessons in riding during the 
 interval, and by every endeavor in my power become, if 
 possible, able to pass muster on the saddle before my 
 bride. 
 
 " Poor old Lalouette understood but little of the urgency 
 of the case, when I requested his leave to take my lessons 
 each morning at six o'clock, for I dared not absent myself 
 during the day without exciting suspicion ; and never, I will 
 venture to assert, did knight-errant of old strive harder for 
 the hand of his lady-love than did I during that weary fort- 
 night ; if a hippogriff had been the animal I bestrode, instead 
 of being, as it was, an old wall-eyed gray, I could not have 
 felt more misgivings at my temerity, or more proud of my 
 achievement. In the first three clays the unaccustomed exer- 
 cise proved so severe, that when I reached the deanery I could 
 hardly move, and crossed the floor pretty much as a pair of 
 compasses might be supposed to do if performing that exploit. 
 Nothing, however, could equal the kindness of my poor dear 
 mother-in-law in embryo, and even the dean too. Fanny, in- 
 deed, said nothing; but I rather think she was disposed to 
 giggle a little ; but my rheumatism, as it was called, was daily 
 inquired after, and I was compelled to take some infernal 
 stuff in my port wine, at dinner, that nearly made me sick at 
 table." 
 
 "'I am sure you walk too much,' said Fanny, with one of 
 her knowing looks. ' Papa, don't you think he ought to ride? 
 it would be much better for him.' 
 
 " ' I do, my dear,' said the dean. ' liut then you see he is 
 so hard to be pleased in a horse. Your old hunting days have 
 spoiled you; but you must forget Melton and Grantham, and 
 condescend to keep a hack,'
 
 II A KR ) ' LORREQ I r ER, 325 
 
 " I must have looked confoundedly foolish here, for Fanny 
 never took her eyes off me, and continued to laugh in her 
 own wicked way. 
 
 " It was now about the ninth or tenth day of my purgato- 
 rial performances ; and certainly, if there be any merit in 
 fleshly mortifications, these religious exercises of mine should 
 stand my part hereafter. A review had been announced in 
 the Phoenix Park, which Fanny had expressed herself most 
 desirous to witness; and as the dean would not permit her to 
 go without a chaperon, I had no means of escape, and prom- 
 ised to escort her. No sooner had I made this rash pledge 
 than I hastened to my confidential friend, Lalouette, and hav- 
 ing imparted to him my entire secret, asked him in a solemn 
 and imposing manner, ' Can I do it ? ' The old man shook 
 his head dubiously, looked grave, and muttered at length, 
 ' Mosch depend on de horse.' ' I know it — I know it — I feel 
 it,' said I, eagerly — ' then where are we to find an animal that 
 will carry me peaceably through this awful day ? I care not 
 for his price.' 
 
 " ' Votre affaire ne sera pas trop chere,' said he. 
 
 " ' Why, how do you mean ? ' said I. 
 
 " He then proceeded to inform me that, by a singularly for- 
 tunate chance, there took place that day an auction of ' cast 
 horses,' as they are termed, which had been used in the horse 
 police force ; and that from long riding and training to stand 
 fire, nothing could be more suitable than one of these, being 
 both easy to ride and not given to start at noise. 
 
 " I could have almost hugged the old fellow for his happy 
 suggestion, and waited with impatience for three o'clock to 
 come, when we repaired together to Essexbridge, at that time 
 the place selected for these sales. 
 
 " I was at first a little shocked at the look of the animals 
 drawn up; they were most miserably thin, most of them 
 swelled in the legs, few without sore backs, and not one eye 
 on an average in every three ; but still they were all high- 
 steppers, and carried a great tail. ' There's your affaire,' 
 said the old Frenchman, as a long-legged, fiddle-headed beast 
 was led out; turning out his forelegs so as to endanger the 
 man who walked beside him. 
 
 " 'Yes, there's blood for you,' said Charley Dycer, seeing 
 my eye fixed on the wretched beast ; ' equal to fifteen stone 
 with any fox-hounds ; safe in all his paces, and warranted 
 sound ; except,' added he, in a whisper, ' a slight spavin in
 
 326 HA RR Y L ORREQUER. 
 
 both hind legs, ring-bone, and a little touched in the wind.' 
 Here the animal gave an approving cough. ' Will any gentle- 
 man say fifty pounds to begin ? ' But no gentleman did. A 
 hackney-coachman, however, said five, and the sale was 
 opened ; the beast trotting, up and down nearly over the bid- 
 ders at every moment, and plunging on so that it was impos- 
 sible to know what was doing. 
 
 " ' Five, ten — fifteen — six pounds — thank you, sir — guineas ' 
 — ' seven pounds,' said I, bidding against myself, not perceiv- 
 ing that I had spoken last. 'Thank you, Mr. Moriarty,' said 
 Dycer, turning toward an invisible purchaser supposed to be 
 in the crowd. ' Thank you, sir, you'll not let a good one go 
 that way.' Every one here turned to find out the very know-, 
 ing gentleman ; but he could nowhere be seen. 
 
 Dycer resumed, ' Seven ten, for Mr. Moriarty. Going 
 for seven ten — a cruel sacrifice — there's action for you — play- 
 ful beast.' Here the devil had stumbled and nearly killed 
 a basket-woman with two children. 
 
 " ' Eight,' said I, with a loud voice. 
 
 "' Eight pounds, quite absurd,' said Dycer, almost rudely ; 
 ' a charger like that for eight pounds — going for eight pounds 
 — going — nothing above eight pounds — no reserve, gentle- 
 men, you are aware of that. They are all, as it were, his 
 majesty's stud — no reserve whatever — last time, eight pounds 
 — gone.' 
 
 •• Amid a very hearty cheer from the mob — God knows why, 
 but a Dublin mob always cheer — I returned, accompanied by 
 a ragged fellow, leading my new purchase after me with a 
 hay halter. 
 
 "' What is the meaning of those letters,' said I, pointing 
 to a very conspicuous G. R., with sundry other enigmatical 
 signs, burned upon the animal's hind quarter. 
 
 " ' That's to show he was a po-lis,' said the fellow, with a 
 grin : ' and when ye ride with ladies, ye must turn the decoy 
 side.' 
 
 '•The auspicious morning at last arrived; and, strange t 1 
 say, that the first waking thought was of the unlucky day that 
 ushered in my yachting excursion, four years before. Why 
 this was so I cannot pretend to guess ; there was but littl 
 analog y in the circumstances, at least so far as anything had 
 then gone. ' Now is Marius ? ' said I to my servant, as he 
 opened m\ ihutters. Here let me mention that a friend of 
 the Kilda'r • .,;•»•■! club had sues ■■■ted this name from the
 
 HARRY I.ORRF.QUER. 327 
 
 remarkably classic character of my steed's countenance ; his 
 nose, he assured me, was perfectly Roman. 
 
 " ' Marius is doing finely, sir, barring his cough, and the 
 trifle that ails his hind legs.' 
 
 " ' He'll carry me quietly, Simon ; eh ? ' 
 
 " ' Quietly ! I'll warrant he'll carry you quietly, if that's 
 all.' 
 
 " Here was comfort, certainly. Simon had lived forty 
 years as pantry boy with my mother, and knew a great deal 
 about horses. I dressed myself, therefore, in high spirits ; 
 and if my pilot jacket and oil-skin cap in former days had 
 half persuaded me that I was born for marine achievements, 
 certainly my cords and tops, that morning, went far to con- 
 vince me that I must have once been a very keen sportsman 
 somewhere, without knowing it. It was a delightful July day 
 that I set out to join my friends, who, having recruited a 
 large party, were to rendezvous at the corner of Stephen's 
 Green ; thither I proceeded in a certain ambling trot, which I 
 have often observed is a very favorite pace with timid horse- 
 men, and gentlemen of the medical profession. I was hailed 
 with a most hearty welcome by a large party as I turned out 
 of Grafton Street, among whom I perceived several friends of 
 Miss Eversham, and some young dragoon officers, not of my 
 acquaintance, but who appeared to know Fanny intimately, 
 and were laughing heartily with her as I rode up. 
 
 " I don't know if other men have experienced what I am 
 about to mention or not ; but certainly to me there is no more 
 painful sensation than to find yourself among a number of 
 well-mounted, well-equipped people, while the animal you 
 yourself bestride seems only fit for the kennel. Every look 
 that is cast at your unlucky steed — every whispered observa- 
 tion about you are so many thorns in your flesh, till at last 
 you begin to feel that your appearance is for very little else 
 than the amusement and mirth of the assembly ; and every 
 time you rise in your stirrups you excite a laugh. 
 
 " ' Where, for mercy's sake, did you find that creature ? ' 
 said Fanny, surveying Marius through her glass. 
 
 " ' Oh, him, eh ? Why, he is a handsome horse, if in con- 
 dition — a charger, you know — that's his style.' 
 
 " ' Indeed,' lisped a young lancer, ' I should be devilish 
 sorry to charge, or be charged with him.' And here they all 
 chuckled at this puppy's silly joke, and I drew up to repress 
 further liberties.
 
 328 TTA RRV LORREQU&R. 
 
 "'Is he anything of a fencer?' said a young country 
 gentleman. 
 
 •• ' To judge from his near eye, I should say much more of 
 a boxer,' said another. 
 
 " Here commenced a running fire of pleasantry at the ex- 
 pense of my poor steed ; which, not content with attacking 
 his physical, extended to his moral qualities. An old gentle- 
 man near me observing, ' that I ought not to have mounted 
 him at all, seeing he was so deuced groggy ; ' to which I 
 replied, by insinuating, that if others present were as free 
 from the influence of ardent spirits, society would not be a 
 sufferer ; an observation that, I flatter myself, turned the mirth 
 against the old fellow, for they all laughed for a quarter of 
 an hour after. 
 
 " Well, at last we set out in a brisk trot, and, placed near 
 Fanny, I speedily forgot all my annoyances in the prospect 
 of figuring to advantage before her. When we reached the 
 College Green the leaders of the cortege suddenly drew up, 
 and we soon found that the entire street opposite the Bank 
 was filled with a dense mob of people, who appeared to be 
 swayed hither and thither, like some mighty beast, as the 
 individuals composing it were engaged in close conflict. It 
 was nothing more nor less than one of those almost weekly 
 rows which then took place between the students of the Uni- 
 versity and the town's-people, and which rarely ended with- 
 out serious consequences. The numbers of people pressing 
 on to the scene of action soon blocked up our retreat, and 
 we found ourselves most unwilling spectators of the Conflict. 
 Political watchwords were loudly shouted by each party ; 
 and at last the students, who appeared to be yielding to 
 superior numbers, called out for the intervention of the 
 police. The aid was nearer than they expected ; for at the 
 same instant a body of mounted policemen, whose high hel- 
 mets rendered them sufficiently conspicuous, were seen trot- 
 ting at a sharp pace down Dame Street. On they came with 
 drawn sabres, led by a well-looking gentleman-like personage 
 in plain clothes, who dashed at once into the middle of the 
 fray, issuing his orders, and pointing out to his followers to 
 secure the ringleaders, lip to this moment I had been a 
 most patient and rather amused spectator of what was doing. 
 Now, however, my part was to commence, for at the word 
 ' Charge,' given in a harsh, deep voice by the sergeant of the 
 party, Marius, remembering his ancient instinct, pricked up
 
 KARKY LQEREQlfER. 329 
 
 his ears, cocked his tail, flung up both his hind legs till they 
 nearly broke the Provost's windows, and plunged into the 
 thickest of the fray like a devil incarnate. 
 
 " Self-preservation must be a strong instinct, for I well 
 remember how little pain it cost me to see the people tum- 
 bling and rolling beneath me, while I continued to keep" my 
 seat. It was only a moment before, and that immense mass 
 were a man to man encounter, now all the indignation of 
 both parties seemed turned upon me ; brick-bats were loudly 
 implored, and paving-stones begged to throw at my devoted 
 head ; the wild huntsman of the German romance never 
 created half the terror, nor one-tenth of the mischief that I 
 did in less than fifteen minutes, for the ill-starred beast con- 
 tinued twining and twisting like a serpent, plunging and 
 kicking the entire time, and occasionally biting, too ; all 
 which accomplishments, I afterward learned, however little 
 in request in civil life, are highly prized in the horse police. 
 
 " Every new order of the sergeant was followed in his 
 own fashion by Marius, who very soon contrived to concen- 
 trate in my unhappy person all the interest of about fifteen 
 hundred people. 
 
 " ' Secure that scoundrel,' said the magistrate, pointing with 
 his finger toward me, as I rode over a respectable looking 
 old lady, with a gray muff. ' Secure him. Cut him down.' 
 
 " ' Ah, devil's luck to him, if ye do,' said a newsmonger with 
 a broken shin. 
 
 " On I went, however ; and now, as the Fates would have 
 it, instead of bearing me out of further danger, the con- 
 founded brute dashed onward to where the magistrate was 
 standing, surrounded by policemen. I thought I saw him 
 change color as I came on. I suppose my own looks were 
 none of the pleasantest, for the worthy man evidently liked 
 them not. Into the midst of them we plunged, upsetting a 
 corporal, horse and all, and appearing as if bent upon reach- 
 ing the alderman. 
 
 "'Cut him down, for Heaven's sake. Will nobody shoot 
 him ? ' said he, with a voice trembling with fear and anger. 
 
 " At these words a wretch lifted up his sabre, and made a 
 cut at my head. I stooped suddenly, and throwing myself 
 from the saddle, seized the poor alderman round the neck, 
 and both came rolling to the ground together. So com- 
 pletely was he possessed with the notion that I meant to 
 assassinate him, that while I was endeavoring to extricate
 
 330 HA RJi i ■ L OKREQUER. 
 
 myself from his grasp, he continued to beg his life in the 
 most heartrending manner. 
 
 " My story is now soon told. So effectually did they 
 rescue the alderman from his clanger that they left me insen- 
 sible, and I only came to myself some days after by finding 
 myself in the dock in Green Street, charged with an indict- 
 ment of nineteen counts ; the only word of truth is what lay 
 in the preamble, for the 'devil inciting ' me only would ever 
 hive made me the owner of that infernal beast, the cause of 
 all my misfortunes. I was so stupefied from my beating that 
 I know little of the course of the proceedings. My friends 
 told me afterward that I had a narrow escape from transpor- 
 tation ; but for the greatest influence exerted in my behalf, I 
 should certainly have passed the autumn in the agreeable 
 recreation of pounding oyster-shells or carding wool ; and it 
 certainly must have gone hard with me, for, stupefied as I 
 was, I remember the sensation in court when the alderman 
 made his appearance with a patch over his eye. The affect- 
 ing admonition of the little judge — who, when passing sen- 
 tence upon me, adverted to the former respectability of my 
 life and the rank of my relatives — actually made the galleries 
 weep. 
 
 " Four months in Newgate and a fine to the king, then re- 
 warded my taste for horse exercise ; and it's no wonder if I 
 prefer going on foot. 
 
 " As to Miss Eversham, the following short note from the 
 dean concluded my hopes in that quarter : 
 
 '"Deanery, Wednesday Morning. 
 
 " ' Sir, — After the very distressing publicity to which your 
 late conduct has exposed you— the so open avowal of politi- 
 cal opinion, at variance with those (I will say) of every gen- 
 tleman — and the recorded sentence of a judge on the verdict 
 of twelve of your countrymen — I should hope that you will 
 not feel my present admonition necessary to inform you that 
 your visits to my house shall cease. 
 
 " 'The presents you made my daughter, when under our 
 unfortunate ignorance of you your character, have been ad- 
 dressed to your hotel, and I am your most obedient, humble 
 servant, 
 
 " ' ( )i.i\ i- u Eversham.' 
 
 "Here ended my second affair par amours; and 1 freely
 
 IfARRV LORREQUER. 331 
 
 confess to you that if I can only obtain a wife in a sea 
 voyage, or a steeple-chase, I am likely to fulfil one great 
 condition in modern advertising — 'as having no incum- 
 brance, nor any objection to travel.' " 
 
 CHAPTER XXXV. 
 
 THE DUEL. 
 
 Mr. O'Leary had scarcely concluded the narrative of his 
 second adventure, when the gray light of the breaking day 
 was seen faintly struggling through the half-closed curtains, 
 and apprising us of the lateness of the hour. 
 
 " I think we shall just have time for one finishing flask of 
 chambertin," said O'Leary, as he emptied the bottle into 
 his glass. 
 
 " I forbid the banns for one," cried Trevanion. " We have 
 all had wine enough, considering what we have before us this 
 morning ; and besides you are not aware it is now past four 
 o'clock. So, gar^on — garcon, there — how soundly the poor 
 fellow sleeps — let us have some coffee, and then inquire if a 
 carriage is in waiting at the corner of the Rue Vivienne." 
 
 The coffee made its appearance, very much, as it seemed, 
 to Mr. O'Leary's chagrin ; who, however, solaced himself by 
 sundry petits verres, to correct the coldness of the wine he 
 had drunk, and at length recovered his good-humor. 
 
 " Do you know now," said he, after a short pause, in which 
 we had all kept silence, " I think what we are about to do is 
 the very ugliest way of finishing a pleasant evening. For my 
 own part I like the wind-up we used to have in ' Old Trinity ' 
 formerly ; when after wringing off half a dozen knockers, 
 breaking the lamps at the post-office, and getting out the fire- 
 engines of Werburgh's parish, we beat a few watchmen and 
 went peaceably to bed." 
 
 " Well, not being an Irishman," said Trevanion, " I'm 
 half disposed to think that even our present purpose is nearly 
 as favorable to life and limb ; but here comes my servant. 
 Well, John, is all arranged, and the carriage ready ? " 
 
 Having ascertained that the carriage was in waiting, and 
 that the small box — brass-bound and Bramah-locked — re- 
 posed within, we paid our bill and departed. A cold, raw,
 
 $$1 HARRY T.ORREQVER. 
 
 misty-looking morning, with masses of dark lowering clouds 
 overhead, and channels of dark and murky water beneath, 
 were the pleasant prospects which met us as we issued forth 
 from the cafe. The lamps, which hung suspended midway 
 across the street (we speak of some years since), creaked 
 with a low and plaintive sound, as they swung backward and 
 forward in the wind. Not a footstep was heard in the street, 
 nothing but the heavy patter of the rain as it fell ceaselessly 
 upon the broad pavement. It was, indeed, a most depress- 
 ing and dispiriting accompaniment to our intended excursion ; 
 and even O'Leary, who seemed to have but slight sympathy 
 with external influences, felt it, for he spoke but little, and 
 was scarcely ten minutes in the carriage till he was sound 
 asleep. This was, I confess, a great relief to me ; for, how- 
 ever impressed I was, and to this hour am, with the many 
 sterling qualities of my poor friend, yet, I acknowledge that 
 this was not precisely the time I should have cared for their 
 exercise, and would have much preferred the companionship 
 of a different order of person, even though less long ac- 
 quainted with him. Trevanion was, of all others, the most 
 suitable for this purpose ; and I felt no embarrassment in 
 opening my mind freely to him upon subjects which, but 
 twenty-four hours previous, I could not have imparted to a 
 brother. 
 
 There is no such unlocker of the secrets of the heart as 
 the possibly near approach of death. Indeed, I question if 
 a great deal of the bitterness the thought of it inspires does 
 not depend upon that very circumstance. The reflection that 
 the long-treasured mystery of our lives (and who is there 
 without some such ?') is about to become known, and the 
 secret of our inmost heart laid bare, is in itself depressing. 
 Not one kind word, nor one remembrancing adieu, to those 
 we are to leave forever, can be spoken or written, without 
 calling up its own story of half-forgotten griefs, or, still worse, 
 at such a moment, of happiness never again to be partaken of. 
 
 " I cannot explain why," said I to Trevanion, " but although 
 it has unfortunately been pretty often my lot to have gone out 
 on occasions like this, both as principal and friend, yet never 
 before did I feel so completely depressed and low-spirited — 
 and never, in fact, did so many thoughts of regret arise be- 
 fore me for much of the past, and sorrow for the chance of 
 abandoning the future. " 
 
 " I can understand," said Trevanion, interrupting — •" I have
 
 HA RR V L ORREQ Ul-.R. 333 
 
 heard of your prospect in the Callonby family, and certainly 
 with such hopes, I can well conceive how little one would be 
 disposed to brook the slightest incident which could interfere 
 with their accomplishment ; but, now that your cousin Guy's 
 pretensions in that quarter are at an end, I suppose, from all 
 I have heard, that there can be no great obstacle to yours.'' 
 
 " Guy's pretensions at an end ! For Heaven's sake, tell 
 me all you know of this affair — for up to this moment I am 
 in utter ignorance of everything regarding his position among 
 the Callonby family." 
 
 " Unfortunately," replied Trevanion, " I know but little, 
 but still that little is authentic — Guy himself having imparted 
 the secret to a very intimate friend of mine. It appears, 
 then, that your cousin, having heard that the Callonbys had 
 been very civil to you in Ireland, and made all manner of 
 advances to you — had done so under the impression that 
 you were the other nephew of Sir Guy, and consequently the 
 heir of a large fortune — that is, Guy himself — and that they 
 had never discovered the mistake during the time they 
 resided in Ireland, when they not only permited, but even 
 encouraged the closest intimacy between you and Lady Jane. 
 Is it so far true ? " 
 
 " I have long suspected it. Indeed, in no other way can 
 I account for the reception I met with from the Callonbys. 
 But is it possible that Lady Jane could have lent herself to 
 anything so unworthy " 
 
 " Pray, hear me out," said Trevanion, who was evidently 
 struck by the despondency of my voice and manner. " Guy, 
 having heard of their mistake, and auguring well to himself 
 from this evidence of their disposition, no sooner heard of 
 their arrival in Paris, than he came over here and got intro- 
 duced to them. From that time he scarcely ever left their 
 house, except to accompany them into society, or to the 
 theatres. It is said that with Lady Jane he made no progress. 
 Her manner, at the beginning cold and formal, became daily 
 more so ; until, at last, he was half disposed to abandon 
 the pursuit — in which, by the by, he has since confessed, 
 moneyed views entered more than any affection for the lady 
 — when the thought struck him to benefit by what he supposed 
 at first to be the great bar to his success. He suddenly pre- 
 tended to be only desirous of an intimacy with Lady Jane, 
 from having heard so much of her from you — affected to be 
 greatly in your confidence — and, in fact, assumed the character
 
 334 " A && V / < >RkEQi '/-:a'. 
 
 of a friend cognizant of all your feelings and hopes, and 
 ardently desiring, by every means in his power, to advance 
 your views " 
 
 " And was it thus he succeeded? " I broke in. 
 
 " 'Twas thus he endeavored to succeed," said Trevanion. 
 
 "Ah, with what success I but too well know," said 1. 
 " My uncle himself showed me a letter from Guy, in which 
 he absolutely speaks of the affair as settled, and talks of 
 Lady Jane as about to be his wife." 
 
 " That may be all quite true ; but a little consideration of 
 Guy's tactics will show what he intended ; for I find that he 
 induced your uncle, by some representations of his, to make 
 the most handsome proposals, with regard to the marriage, 
 to the Callonbys ; and that, to make the story short, nothing 
 but the decided refusal of Lady Jane, who at length saw through 
 his entire game, prevented the match." 
 
 " And then she did refuse him ? " said I, with ill-repressed 
 exultation. 
 
 " Of that there can be no doubt ; for independently of all 
 the gossip and quizzing upon the subject to which Guy was 
 exposed in the coteries, he made little secret of it himself — 
 openly avowing that he did not consider a repulse a defeat, 
 and that he was resolved to sustain the siege as vigorously as 
 ever." 
 
 However interested I felt in all Trevanion was telling me, 
 I could not help falling into a train of thinking on my first 
 acquaintance with the Callonbys ; there are perhaps but few 
 things more humiliating than the knowledge that any atten- 
 tion or consideration we have met with has been paid us in 
 mistake for another; and in the very proportion that they 
 were prized before are they detested when the truth is known 
 to us. 
 
 To all the depressing influences these thoughts suggested, 
 came the healing balm that Lady Jane was true to me — that 
 she, at least, however others might be biased by worldly con- 
 siderations — that she cared forme — for myself alone. My 
 reader (alas! for my character for judgment) knows upon 
 how little I founded the conviction; but 1 have often, in 
 these Confessions, avowed my failing, /V;- excellence, to be a 
 great taste for self-deception ; and here was a capital occasion 
 for its indulgence. 
 
 "We shall have abundant time to discuss this later on," 
 said Trevanion, laying Ids hand upon my shoulder to rouse
 
 //. / A' A' 1 ' L OKKEQ UER. 33 5 
 
 my wandering attention, " for now I perceive we have only 
 eight minutes to spare." 
 
 As he spoke a dragoon officer, in an undress, rode up to 
 the window of the carriage, and looking steadily at our party 
 for a few seconds, asked if we were " Messieurs les Anglais ; " 
 and, almost without waiting for a reply, added, "You had 
 better not go any further in your carriage, for the next turn of 
 the road will bring you in sight of the village." 
 
 We accordingly stopped the driver, and having with some 
 difficulty aroused O'Leary, got out upon the road. The 
 militaire here gave his horse to a groom and proceeded to 
 guide us through a corn-field by a narrow path, with whose 
 windings and crossings he appeared quite conversant. We 
 at length reached the brow of a little hill, from which an 
 extended view of the country lay before us, showing the 
 Seine winding its tranquil course between the richly-tilled 
 fields, dotted with many a pretty cottage. Turning abruptly 
 from this point, our guide led us by a narrow and steep path 
 into a little glen, planted with poplars and willows. A small 
 stream ran through this, and by the noise we soon detected 
 that a mill was not far distant, which another turning brought 
 us at once in front of. 
 
 And here I cannot help dwelling on the tableau which 
 met our view. In the porch of the little rural mill sat two 
 gentlemen, one of whom I immediately recognized as the 
 person who had waited upon me, and the other I rightly con- 
 jectured to be my adversary. Before them stood a small 
 table, covered with a spotless napkin, upon which a break- 
 fast equipage was spread — a most inviting melon and a long 
 slender-necked bottle, reposing in a little ice-pail, forming 
 part of the materiel. My opponent was coolly enjoying 
 his cigar — a half-finished cup of coffee lay beside him — his 
 friend was occupied in examining the caps of the duelling 
 pistols, which were placed upon a chair. No sooner had we 
 turned the angle which brought us in view than they both 
 rose, and taking off their hats with much courtesy, bade us 
 good-morning. 
 
 " May I offer you a cup of coffee ? " said Monsieur Derigny 
 to me, as I came up, at the same time filling it out, and 
 pushing over a little flask of Cognac toward me. 
 
 A look from Trevanion decided my acceptance of the 
 proffered civility, and I seated myself in the chair beside the 
 baron. Trevanion meanwhile had engaged my adversary
 
 336 HARRY LORREQUER, 
 
 in conversation along with the stranger who had been our 
 guide, leaving O'Leary alone unoccupied, which, however, he 
 did not long remain ; for, although uninvited by the others, he 
 seized a knife and fork, and commenced a vigorous attack 
 upon a partridge pie near him ; and, with equal absence of 
 ceremony, uncorked the champagne and filled out a foaming 
 goblet, nearly one-third of the whole bottle, adding — 
 
 " I think, Mr. Lorrequer, there's nothing like showing 
 them that we are just as cool and unconcerned as them- 
 selves."' 
 
 ]f I might judge from the looks of the party, a happier 
 mode of convincing them of our "free-and-easy" feelings 
 could not possibly have been discovered. From any morti- 
 fication this proceeding might have caused me, I was speedily 
 relieved by Trevanion calling O'Leary to one side, while he 
 explained to him that he must nominally act as second on 
 the ground, as Trevanion, being a resident in Paris, might 
 become liable to a prosecution, should anything serious arise, 
 while O'Leary, as a mere passer through, could cross the 
 frontier into Germany, and avoid all trouble. 
 
 O'Leary at once acceded — perhaps the more readily be- 
 cause he expected to be allowed to return to his breakfast — 
 but in this he soon found himself mistaken, for the whole 
 party now rose, and preceded by the baron, followed the 
 course of the little stream. 
 
 After about five minutes' walking, we found ourselves at 
 the outlet of the glen, which was formed by a large stone- 
 quarry, making a species of amphitheatre, with lofty walls of 
 rugged granite, rising thirty or forty feet on either side of 
 us. The ground was smooth and level as a boarded Moor, 
 and certainly to amateurs in these sort of matters, presented 
 a most perfect spot for a "meeting." 
 
 The stranger who had just joined us could not help re- 
 marking our looks of satisfaction at the choice of ground, 
 and observed to me : 
 
 "This is not the first affair that this little spot has wit- 
 nessed, and the moulinet of St. Cloud is, I think, the very 
 best '/;/,>/' about Paris." 
 
 Trevanion, who, during these few minutes, had been en- 
 gaged with Derigny, now drew me aside. 
 
 " Well, Lorrequer, have you any recollection now of having 
 seen your opponent before ? or can you make a guess at the 
 source of all this ? "
 
 HA RRY LORREQL 7-. R. 337 
 
 "Never till this instant," said I, "have I beheld him," 
 as I looked toward the tall, stoutly-built figure of my adver- 
 sary, who was very leisurely detaching a cordon from his 
 tightly-fitting frock, doubtless to prevent its attracting my 
 aim. 
 
 " Well, never mind, I shall manage everything properly. 
 What can you do with the small sword, for they have rapiers 
 at the mill ? " 
 
 " Nothing whatever ; I have not fenced since I was a 
 boy." 
 
 " N'importe, then we'll fight at a barriere. I know they're 
 not prepared for that from Englishmen, so just step on one 
 side now, and leave me to talk it over." 
 
 As the limited nature of the ground did not permit me to 
 retire to a distance, I became involuntarily aware of a dia- 
 logue, which even the seriousness of the moment could 
 scarcely keep me from laughing at outright. 
 
 It was necessary, for the sake of avoiding any possible 
 legal difficulty in the result, that O'Leary should give his 
 assent to every step of the arrangement ; and being totally 
 ignorant of French, Trevanion had not only to translate for 
 him, but also to render in reply O'Leary's own comments or 
 objections to the propositions of the others. 
 
 " Then it is agreed we fight at a barriere / " said Captain 
 Derigny. 
 
 " What's that, Trevanion ? " 
 
 " We have agreed to place them at a barriere" replied 
 Trevanion. 
 
 " That's strange," muttered O'Leary to himself, who, know- 
 ing that the word meant a " turnpike," never supposed it had 
 any other signification. 
 
 " Vingt-quatre pas, n'est pas ? " said Derigny. 
 
 "Too far," interposed Trevanion. 
 
 " What does he say now ? " asked O'Leary. 
 
 " Twenty-four paces for the distance." 
 
 " Twenty-four of my teeth he means," said O'Leary, 
 snapping his fingers. " What does he think of the length of 
 Sackville Street ? Ask him that, will ye ? " 
 
 "What says monsieur ? " said the Frenchman. 
 
 " He thinks the distance much too great." 
 
 " He may be mistaken," said the captain, half sneeringly. 
 " My friend is 'de la premiere force.' " 
 
 " That must be something impudent from your looks, 
 
 2-
 
 338 //•/ RR V Li 'A'A'EQUER. 
 
 Mr. Trevanion. Isn't it a thousand pities I can't speak 
 French ?" 
 
 "What say you, then, to twelve paces? Fire together, 
 and two shots each, if the first be inconclusive," said 
 Trevanion. 
 
 " And if necessary," added the Frenchman, carelessly, 
 " conclude with these " — touching the swords with his foot, 
 as he spoke. 
 
 " The choice of the weapon lies with us, 1 opine," replied 
 Trevanion. " We have already named pistols, and by them 
 we shall decide this matter." 
 
 It was at length, after innumerable objections, agreed 
 upon that we should be placed back to back, and at a word 
 given each walk forward to a certain distance marked out 
 by a stone, where we were to halt, and at the signal " Une," 
 " Deux," turn round and fire. 
 
 This, which is essentially a French invention in duelling, 
 was perfectly new to me, but by no means so to Trevanion. 
 who was fully aware of the immense consequence of not 
 giving even a momentary opportunity for aim to my 
 antagonist ; and in this mode of firing, the most practiced 
 and deadly shot is liable to err, particularly if the signal be 
 given quickly. 
 
 While Trevanion and the captain were measuring out the 
 ground, a little circumstance which was enacted near me was 
 certainly not over calculated to strengthen my nerve. The 
 stranger who had led us to the ground had begun to examine 
 the pistols, and finding that one of them was loaded, turned 
 toward my adversary, saying, " D'Haulpenne, you have for- 
 gotten to draw the charge. Come, let us see what vein you 
 are in." At the same time, drawing off his large cavalry 
 glove, he handed the pistol to his friend. 
 
 " A double Napoleon you don't hit the thumb." 
 
 " Done," said the other, adjusting the weapon in his hand. 
 
 The action was scarcely performed, when the bettor flung 
 the glove into the air with all his force. My opponent raised 
 his pistol, waited for an instant, till the glove, having attained 
 iis greatest height, turned to fall again. Then click went 
 the trigger — the glove turned round and round half a dozen 
 times, and fell about twenty yards off, and the thumb was 
 found cut clearly off at the juncture with the hand. 
 
 This, which did not occupy half as long as 1 have spent 
 in recounting it, was certainly a pleasant introduction to
 
 HA RR Y L ORREQ UER. 339 
 
 standing at fifteen yards from the principal actor, and I 
 should doubtless have felt it in all its force had not my 
 attention been drawn off by the ludicrous expression of grief in 
 O'Leary's countenance, who evidently regarded me as already 
 defunct. 
 
 " Now, Lorrequer, we are ready," said Trevanion, coming 
 forward ; and then, lowering his voice, added, " All is in 
 your favor ; I have won the ' word,' which I shall give the 
 moment you halt. So turn and fire at once ; be sure not to 
 go too far round in the turn ; that is the invariable error in 
 this mode of firing, only no hurry : be calm." 
 
 " Now, messieurs," said Derigny, as he approached with 
 his friend leaning upon his arm, and placed him in the spot 
 allotted him. Trevanion then took my arm, and placed me 
 back to back to my antagonist. As I took up my ground, 
 it so chanced that my adversary's spur slightly grazed me, 
 upon which he immediately turned round, and, with the most 
 engaging smile, begged a " thousand pardons," and hoped I 
 was not hurt. 
 
 O'Leary, who saw the incident, and guessed the action 
 aright, called out ? 
 
 " Oh, the cold-blooded villain ; the devil a chance for you, 
 Mr. Lorrequer." 
 
 " Messieurs, your pistols," said Le Capitaine la Garde, 
 who, as he handed the weapons, and repeated once more the 
 conditions of the combat, gave the word to march. 
 
 I now walked slowly forward to the place marked out by 
 the stone ; but it seemed that I must have been in advance 
 of my opponent, for I remember some seconds elapsed before 
 Trevanion coughed slightly, and then, with a clear full voice, 
 called out " Une" " Deux." I had scarcely turned myself 
 half round, when my right arm was suddenly lifted up, as if 
 byagalvanic shock. Mypistol jerked upward, and exploded 
 the same moment, and then dropped powerless from my 
 hand, which I now felt was covered with warm blood from a 
 wound near the elbow. From the acute but momentary pang 
 this gave me, my attention was soon called off ; for scarcely 
 had my arm been struck, when a loud chattering noise to my 
 left induced me to turn, and then, to my astonishment, I saw 
 my friend O'Leary about twelve feet from the ground, hanging 
 on by some ash twigs that grew from the clefts of the granite. 
 Fragments of broken rock were falling around him, and his 
 own position momentarily threatened a downfall. He was
 
 340 HARRY LORkEQtfER. 
 
 screaming with all his might ; but what he said was entirely 
 lost in the shouts of laughter of Trevanion and the Frenchman, 
 who could scarcely stand with the immoderate exuberance 
 of their mirth. 
 
 I had not time to run to his aid, which, although wounded, 
 I should have done, when the branch he clung to slowly 
 yielded with his weight, and the round plump figure of my 
 poor friend rolled over the little cleft of rock and, after a 
 few faint struggles, came tumbling heavily down, and at last 
 lay peaceably in the deep heather at the bottom, his cries 
 the whole time being loud enough to rise even above the 
 vociferous laughter of the others. 
 
 I now ran forward, as did Trevanion, when O'Leary 
 turning his eyes toward me, said in the most piteous 
 manner : 
 
 " Mr. Lorrequer, I forgive you, here is my hand, bad luck 
 to their French way of fighting, that's all ; it's only good for 
 killing one's friend. I thought I was safe up there, come 
 what might." 
 
 " My dear O'Leary," said I, in an agony which prevented 
 my minding the laughing faces around me, " surely you don't 
 mean to say that I have wounded you ? " 
 
 " No, dear, not wounded, only killed me outright, through 
 the brain it must be, from the torture I'm suffering." 
 
 The shout with which this speech was received sufficiently 
 aroused me ; while Trevanion, with a voice nearly choked 
 with laughter, said : 
 
 " Why, Lorrequer, did you not see that your pistol, on being 
 struck, threw your ball high up on the quarry? Fortunately, 
 however, about a foot and a half above Mr. O'Leary's 
 head, whose most serious wounds are his scratched hands 
 and bruised bones from his tumble." 
 
 This explanation, which was perfectly satisfactory to me, 
 was by no means so consoling to poor O'Leary, who lay quite 
 unconscious to all around, moaning in the most melancholy 
 manner. Some of the blood which continued to flow fast 
 from my wound having dropped upon his face, aroused him 
 a little — but only to increase his lamentation for his own 
 destiny, which he believed was fast accomplishing. 
 
 " Through the skull, clean through the skull, and preserving 
 my senses to the last ! Mr. Lorrequer, stoop down — it is a 
 dying man asks you — don't refuse me a last request. There's 
 neither luck nor grace, honor nor glory, in such a way of
 
 IfARRY LORREQUER. 34? 
 
 fighting, so just promise me you'll shoot that grinning baboon 
 there, when he's going off the ground, since it's the fashion to 
 fire at a man with his back to you. Bring him down, and 
 I'll die easy." 
 
 And with these words he closed his eyes, and straightened 
 out his legs — stretched his arm at either side, and arranged 
 himself as much corpse fashion as the circumstances of the 
 ground would permit — while I now freely participated in 
 the mirth of the others, which, loud and boisterous as it was, 
 never reached the ears of O'Leary. 
 
 My arm had now become so painful, that I was obliged to 
 ask Trevanion to assist me in getting off my coat. The 
 surprise of the Frenchmen on learning that I was wounded 
 was very considerable, O'Leary's catastrophe having exclu- 
 sively engaged all attention. My arm was now examined, 
 when it was discovered that the ball had passed through from 
 one side to the other, without apparently touching the bone ; 
 the bullet and the portion of my coat carried in by it both 
 lay in my sleeve. The only serious consequence £0 be ap- 
 prehended was the wound of the blood-vessel, vhich con- 
 tinued to pour forth blood unceasingly, and I wao just sur- 
 geon enough to guess that an artery had been cut. 
 
 Trevanion bound his handkerchief tightly across the wound, 
 and assisted me to the high-road, which, so sudden was the 
 loss of blood, I reached with difficulty. During all fhese 
 proceedings nothing could be possibly more kind and con- 
 siderate than the conduct of our opponents. All the farouche 
 and swaggering air which they had deemed dc rigueur before, 
 at once fled, and in its place we found the mos< gentleman- 
 like attention and true politeness. 
 
 As soon as I was enabled to speak upon the rrfatter, I 
 begged Trevanion to look to poor O'Leary, Avho still lay 
 upon the ground in a state of perfect unconsciousness. Cap- 
 tain Derigny, on hearing my wish, at once returned to the 
 quarry, and, with the greatest difficulty, persuaded my friend 
 to rise and endeavor to walk, which at last he did attempt, 
 calling him to bear witness that it perhaps was the only case 
 on record, where a man with a bullet in his brain had made 
 such an exertion. 
 
 With a view to my comfort and quiet, they put him into 
 the cab of Le Baron ; and, having undertaken to send Du- 
 puytrien to me immediately on my reaching Paris, took their 
 leave, and Trevanion and I set out homeward.
 
 342 J/AKRY LORREQVI-.R. 
 
 Not all my exhaustion and debility, nor even the acute 
 pain I was suffering, could prevent my laughing at O'Leary's 
 adventure ; and it required all Trevanion's prudence to pre- 
 vent my indulging too far in my recollection of it. 
 
 When I reached Meurice's, I found Dupuytrien in wait- 
 ing, who immediately pronounced the main artery of the limb 
 as wounded ; and almost as instantaneously proceeded to 
 pass a ligature round it. This painful business being con- 
 cluded, I was placed upon a sofa, and being plentifully sup- 
 plied with lemonade, and enjoined to keep quiet, left to my 
 own meditations, such as they were, till evening, Trevanion 
 having taken upon him to apologize for our absence at Mrs. 
 Bingham's dejeuner, and O'Leary being fast asleep in his 
 own apartments. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVI. 
 
 EARLY RECOLLECTIONS — A FIRST LOVE. 
 
 I know of no sensations so very nearly alike as those felt 
 on awaking after very sudden and profuse loss of blood, and 
 those resulting from a large dose of opium. The dizziness, 
 the confusion, and the abstraction at first gradually yielding, 
 as the senses become clearer, to a vague and indistinct con- 
 sciousness ; then the strange mistiness, in which fact and 
 fiction are wrapped up — the confounding of persons, and 
 places, and times, not so as to embarrass and annoy — for the 
 very debility you feel subdues all irritation — but rather to 
 present a panoramic picture of odd and incongruous events 
 more pleasing than otherwise. 
 
 Of the circumstances by which I was thus brought to a 
 sick couch, I had not even the most vague recollection — the 
 faces and the dress of all those I had lately seen were vividly 
 before me ; but how, and for what purpose, I knew not. 
 Something in their kindness and attention had left an agree- 
 able impression upon my mind, and without being able, 
 or even attempting, to trace it, I felt happy in the thought. 
 While thus the " hour before " was dim and indistinct, the 
 events of years past were vividly and brightly pictured before 
 me, and strange, too, the more remote the period, the more did 
 it seem palpable and present to my imagination. For so it
 
 ffARR V LORREQUER. 343 
 
 is, there is in memory a species of mental long-sightedness, 
 which, though blind to the object close beside you, can reach 
 the blue mountains and the starry skies, which lie full many 
 a league away. Is this a malady? or is it rather a provi- 
 dential gift to alleviate the tedious hours of the sick-bed, 
 and cheer the lonely sufferer, whose thoughts are his only 
 realm ? 
 
 My school-boy days, in all their holiday excitement ; the 
 bank where I had culled the earliest cowslips of the year ; 
 the clear but rapid stream, where days long I have watched 
 the speckled trout, as they swam peacefully beneath, or 
 shook their bright fins in the gay sunshine ; the gorgeous 
 dragon-fly that played above the water, and dipped his bright 
 wings in its ripple — they were all before me. And then 
 came the thought of school itself, with its little world of 
 boyish cares and emulations ; the early imbibed passion for 
 success ; the ardent longing for superiority ; the high and 
 swelling feeling of the heart, as home drew near, to think 
 that I had gained the wished-for prize — the object of many 
 an hour's toil — the thought of many a long night's dream ; 
 my father's smile ; my mother's kiss ! Oh ! what a very 
 world of tender memory that one thought suggests ; for what 
 are all our later successes in life — how bright soever our for- 
 tune be — compared with the early triumphs of our infancy ? 
 Where, among the jealous rivalry of some, the cold and 
 half-wrung praise of others, the selfish and unsympathizing 
 regard of all, shall we find anything to repay us for the swell- 
 ing ecstasy of our young hearts, as those who have cradled 
 and loved us grow proud in our successes ? For myself, a 
 life that has failed in every prestige of those that prophesied 
 favorably — years that have followed on each other only to 
 blight the promise that kind and well-wishing friends fore- 
 told — leave but little to dwell upon, that can be reckoned to 
 success. And yet, some moments I have had, which half 
 seemed to realize my early dream of ambition, and rouse 
 my spirit within me ; but what were they all compared to my 
 boyish glories ? what the passing excitement one's own heart 
 inspires in the lonely and selfish solitude, when compared 
 with that little world of sympathy and love our early home 
 teemed with, as proud in some trifling distinction, we fell into 
 a mother's arms, ?rnd heard our father's " God bless you, 
 boy"? No, no; the world has no requital for this. It is 
 like the bright day-spring, which, as its glories gild the
 
 344 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 east, display before us a whole world of beauty and promise 
 — blighted hopes have not withered, false friendships have 
 not scathed, cold, selfish interest has not yet hardened our 
 hearts, or dried up our affections, and we are indeed happy; 
 but equally like the burst of morning is it fleeting and short- 
 lived ; and equally so, too, does it pass away, never, never 
 to return. 
 
 From thoughts like these my mind wandered on to more 
 advanced years, when, emerging from my boyhood, I half 
 believed myself a man, and was fully convinced I was in 
 love. 
 
 Perhaps, after all, for the time it lasted — ten clays, I think 
 — it was the most sincere passion 1 ever felt. 1 had been 
 spending some weeks at a small watering-place in Wales, 
 with some relatives of my mother. There were, as might 
 be supposed, but few " distractions " in such a place, save 
 the scenery, and an occasional day's fishing in the little river 
 of Dolgelly, which ran near. In all these little rambles 
 which the younger portion of the family made together, fre- 
 quent mention was ever being made of a visit from a very 
 dear cousin, and to which all looked forward with the 
 greatest eagerness — the elder ones of the party with a certain 
 air of quiet pleasure, as though they knew more than they 
 said, and the younger with all the childish exuberance of 
 youthful delight. Clara Mourtray seemed to be, from all I 
 was hourly hearing, the very paragon and pattern of every- 
 thing. If any one was praised for beauty, Clara was im- 
 mediately pronounced much prettier — did any one sing, 
 Clara's voice and taste were far superior. In our homeward 
 walk, should the shadows of the dark hill fall with a pictur- 
 esque effect upon the blue lake, some one was sure to say : 
 "Oh ! how Clara would like to sketch that." In short, there 
 was no charm or accomplishment ever the gift of woman 
 that Clara did not possess ; or, what amounted pretty much 
 to the same thing, that my relatives did not implicitly give 
 her credit for. The constantly recurring praises of the same 
 person affect us always differently as we go on in life. In 
 youth, the prevailing sentiment is an ardent desire to seethe 
 prodigy of whom we have heard so much — in after years, 
 heartily to detest what hourly hurts our self-love by compari- 
 sons. We would take any steps to avoifl meeting what we 
 have inwardly decreed to be a " bore." The former was my 
 course, and though my curiosity was certainly very great, I
 
 HARR V LORREQL 'KR. 345 
 
 had made up my mind to as great a disappointment, and half 
 wished for the long-looked-for arrival as a means of criticis- 
 ing what they could see no fault in. 
 
 The wished-for evening at length came, and we all set out 
 upon a walk to meet the carriage which was to bring the bien 
 aimc Clara among us. We had not walked above a mile 
 when the eager eye of the foremost detected a cloud of dust 
 upon the road at some distance ; and, after a few minutes 
 more, four posters were seen coming along at a tremendous 
 rate. The next moment she was making the tour of about a 
 dozen uncles, aunts, cousins, and cousines, none of whom, it 
 appeared to me, felt any peculiar desire to surrender the 
 hearty embrace to the next of kin in succession. At last 
 she came to me, when, perhaps, in the confusion of the mo- 
 ment, not exactly remembering whether or not she had seen 
 me before, she stood for a moment silent — a deep blush 
 mantling her lovely cheek — masses of waving brown hair dis- 
 ordered and floating upon her shoulders — her large and liquid 
 blue eyes beaming upon me. One look was enough. I was 
 deeply — irretrievably in love. 
 
 " Our cousin Harry — Harry Lorrequer — wild Harry, as we 
 used to call him, Clara," said one of the girls, introducing 
 me. 
 
 She held out her hand, and said something with a smile. 
 What, I know not — nor can I tell how I replied ; but some- 
 thing absurd it must have been, for they all laughed heartily, 
 and the worthy papa himself tapped my shoulder jestingly, 
 adding : 
 
 " Never mind, Harry — you will do better one day, or I am 
 much mistaken in you." 
 
 Whether I was conscious that I had behaved foolishly or 
 not, I cannot well say ; but the whole of that night I thought 
 over plans innumerable how I should succeed in putting my- 
 self forward before " Cousin Clara," and vindicating myself 
 against any imputation of school-boy mannerism that my first 
 appearance might have caused. 
 
 The next day we remained at home. Clara was too much 
 fatigued to walk out, and none of us would leave her. What 
 a day of happiness that was ! I knew something of music, 
 and could sing a second. Clara was delighted at this, for 
 the others had not cultivated singing much. We therefore 
 spent the whole morning in this way. Then she produced 
 her sketch-book, and I brought out mine, and we had a
 
 346 HARK Y L ORREQUER. 
 
 mutual interchange of prisoners. What cutting out of leaves 
 and detaching of rice-paper landscapes ! Then she came 
 out upon the lawn to see my pony leap, and promised to ride 
 him the following day. She putted the greyhounds, and said 
 Gypsy, which was mine, was the prettiest. In a word, before 
 night fell Clara had won my heart in its every fibre, and I 
 went to my room the very happiest of mortals. 
 
 I need not chronicle my next three days — to me the most 
 glorious " trois jours " of my life. Clara had evidently 
 singled me out and preferred me to all the rest. It was be- 
 side me she rode and upon my arm she leaned in walking — 
 and, to comble me with delight unutterable, I overheard her 
 say to my uncle, " Oh, I dote upon poor Harry ! And it is 
 so pleasant, for I'm sure Mortimer will be so jealous." 
 
 " And who is Mortimer ? " thought I ; " he is a new char- 
 acter in the piece, of whom we have seen nothing." 
 
 I was not long in doubt upon this head, for that very day, 
 at dinner, the identical Mortimer presented himself. He 
 was a fine, dashing-looking, soldier-like fellow, of about 
 thirty-five, with a heavy mustache and a bronzed cheek — 
 rather grave in his manner, but still perfectly good-natured, 
 and when he smiled showing a most handsome set of regular 
 teeth. Clara seemed less pleased (I thought) at his coming 
 than the others, and took pleasure in tormenting him by a 
 thousand pettish and frivolous ways, which I was sorry for, 
 as I thought he did not like it ; and used to look half chid- 
 ingly at her from time to time, but without any effect, for she 
 just went on as before, and generally ended by taking my 
 arm and saying, "Come away, Harry ; you always are kind 
 and never look sulky. I can agree with you." These were 
 delightful words for me to listen to, but I could not hear 
 them without feeling for him, who evidently was pained by 
 Clara's avowed preference for me ; and whose years — for I 
 thought thirty-five at that time a little verging upon the 
 patriarchal — entitled him to more respect. 
 
 " Well," thought I, one evening, as this game had been 
 carried rather further than usual, " I hope she is content now, 
 for certainly Mortimer is jealous; " and the result proved it, 
 for the whole of the following day he absented himself, and 
 never came back till late in the evening. He had been, I 
 found, from a chance observation I overheard, at the bishop's 
 palace, and the bishop himself, 1 learned, was to breakfast 
 with us in the morning:.
 
 HARK J ' LORREQUER, 347 
 
 "Harry, T have a commission for yoj," said Clara. "You 
 must get up very early to-morrow, and climb the Cader moun- 
 tain, and bring me a grand bouquet of the blue and purple 
 heath that I liked so much the last time I was there. Mind, 
 very early, for I intend to surprise the bishop to-morrow with 
 my taste in a nosegay." 
 
 The sun had scarcely risen as I spwmg from my bed, and 
 started upon my errand. Oh ! the glorious beauty of that 
 morning's walk. As I climbed the mountain, the deep mists 
 lay upon all around, and except the path I was treading, 
 nothing was visible ; but before I reached the top, the heavy 
 masses of vapor were yielding to the influence of the sun ; 
 and as they rolled from the valleys up the mountain-sides, 
 were every instant opening new glens and ravines beneath 
 me — bright in all their verdure, and speckled with sheep, 
 whose tinkling bells reached me even where I stood. 
 
 I counted about twenty lakes, at different levels, below me ; 
 some brilliant, and shining like polished mirrors ; others not 
 less beautiful, dark and solemn with some mighty mountain 
 shadow. As I looked landward, the mountains reared their 
 huge crests, one above the other, to the furthest any eye 
 could reach. Toward the opposite side, the calm and tran- 
 quil sea lay beneath me, bathed in the yellow gold of a rising 
 sun ; a few ships were peacefully lying at anchor in the bay ; 
 and the only thing in motion was a row-boat, the heavy 
 monotonous stroke of whose oars rose in the stillness of the 
 morning air. Not a single habitation of man could I descry, 
 nor any vestige of a human being, except that mass of some- 
 thing upon the rock far down beneath be one, and I think it 
 is, for I see the sheep-dog ever returning again and again to 
 the same spot. 
 
 My bouquet was gathered ; the gentian of the Alps, which 
 is found here, also contributing its evidence to show where I 
 had been to seek it, and I turned home. 
 
 The family were at breakfast as I entered; at least so the 
 servants said, for I only remembered then that the bishop was 
 our guest, and that I could not present myself without some 
 slight attention to my dress. I hastened to my room, and 
 scarcely had I finished when one of my cousins, a little girl 
 of eight years, came to my door and said : 
 
 " Harry, come down ; Clara wants you." 
 
 I rushed downstairs, and as I entered the breakfast-parlor, 
 Stood still with surprise. The ladies were all dressed in white,
 
 348 HA RR V I a )RR£ Q ( T ER. 
 
 and even my little cousin wore a gala costume that amazed 
 me. 
 
 "My bouquet, Harry, I hope you have not forgotten it," 
 said Clara, as I approached. 
 
 I presented it at once, when she gayly and coquettishlv 
 held out her hand for me to kiss. This I did, my blood rush- 
 ing to my face and temples the while, and almost depriving 
 me of consciousness. 
 
 " Well, Clara, I am surprised at you," said Mortimer. 
 " How can you treat the poor boy so ? " 
 
 I grew deadly pale at these words, and, turning round, 
 looked at the speaker full in the face. Poor fellow, thought 
 I, he is jealous, and I am really grieved for him ; and turned 
 again to Clara. 
 
 " Here it is — oh ! how handsome, papa," said one of the 
 younger children, running eagerly to the window, as a very 
 pretty open carriage with four horses drew up before the house. 
 
 " The bishop has taste," I murmured to myself, scarcely 
 deigning to give a second look at the equipage. 
 
 Clara now left the room, but speedily returned — her dress 
 changed, and shawled as if for a walk. What could all this 
 mean? — and the whispering, too, what is all that? — and why 
 are they all so sad ? — Clara has been weeping. 
 
 " God bless you, my child — good-bye," said my aunt, as she 
 folded her in her arms for the third time. 
 
 " Good-bye, good-bye," I heard on every side. At length, 
 approaching me, Clara took my hand and said : 
 
 " My poor Harry, so we are going to part. I am going to 
 Italy." 
 
 " To Italy, Clara ? Oh ! no — say no. Italy ! I shall never 
 see you again." 
 
 "Won't you wear this ring for me, Harry ? It is an old 
 favorite of yours — and when we meet again " 
 
 " Oh ! dearest Clara," I said, " do not speak thus." 
 
 " Good-bye, my poor boy, good-bye," said Clara, hurriedly ; 
 and, rushing out of the room, she was lifted by Mortimer into 
 the carriage, who immediately jumped in after her. the whip 
 cracked, the horses clattered, and all was out of sight in a 
 second. 
 
 " Why is sin- gone with him ? " said I, reproachfully, turn- 
 ing toward my aunt. 
 
 " Why, my dear, a very sufficient reason. She was married 
 this morning." 
 
 This was my first love.
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 349 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVII. 
 
 WISE RESOLVES. 
 
 Musing over this boyish adventure, I fell into a deep 
 slumber, and on awakening it took me some minutes before 
 I could recall my senses sufficiently to know where I was. 
 The whole face of things in my room was completely changed. 
 Flowers had been put in the china vases upon the tables — 
 two handsome lamps, shaded with gauzes, stood upon the 
 consoles — illustrated books, prints, and caricatures were 
 scattered about. A pianoforte had also, by some witchcraft, 
 insinuated itself into a recess near the sofa — a handsome little 
 tea-service, of old Dresden china, graced a small marquetry 
 table — and a little picquet table stood most invitingly beside 
 the fire. I had scarcely time to turn my eyes from one to 
 the other of these new occupants, when I heard the handle 
 of my door gently turn, as if by some cautious hand, and 
 immediately closed my eyes and feigned sleep. Through my 
 half-shut lids I perceived the door opened. After a pause of 
 about a second the skirt of a white muslin dress appeared — 
 then a pretty foot stole a little further — and at last the slight 
 and graceful figure of Emily Bingham advanced noiselessly 
 into the room. Fear had rendered her deadly pale, but the 
 effect'of her rich brown hair, braided plainly on either side 
 of her cheek, suited so well the character of her features, I 
 thought her far handsomer than ever. She came forward 
 toward the table, and I now could perceive that she had some- 
 thing in her hand resembling a letter. This she placed near 
 my hand — so near as almost to touch it. She leaned over me 
 — I felt her breath upon my brow, but never moved. At this 
 instant a tress of her hair, becoming unfastened, fell over 
 upon my face. She started — the motion threw me off my 
 guard, and I looked up. She gave a faint, scarce audible 
 shriek, and sank into the chair beside me. Recovering, how- 
 ever, upon the instant, she grasped the letter she had just laid 
 down, and having crushed it between her fingers, threw it 
 into the fire. This done — as if the effort had been too much
 
 350 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 for her strength — she again fell back upon her seat, and looked 
 so pale I almost thought she had fainted. 
 
 " Before I had time to speak she rose once more ; and now 
 her face was bathed in blushes, her eyes swam with rising 
 tears, and her lips trembled with emotion as she spoke : 
 
 " ( )h, Mr. Lorrequer, what will you — what can you think 
 
 of this ? If you but knew " ; and here she faltered and 
 
 again grew pale, while I, with difficulty rising from the sofa, 
 took her hand, and led her to the chair beside it. 
 
 "And may I not know?" said I ; "may I not know, my 
 dear " — I am not sure I did not say dearest — " Miss Bing- 
 ham, when, perhaps the knowledge might make me the hap- 
 piest of mortals ? " 
 
 This was a pretty plunge as a sequel to my late resolution. 
 She hid her face between her hands, and sobbed for some 
 seconds. 
 
 " At least," said I, " as that letter was destined for me but 
 a few moments since, I trust that you will let me hear its con- 
 tents." 
 
 "Oh, no — not now — not now," said she, entreatingly, and, 
 rising at the same time, she turned to leave the room. I still 
 held her hand, and pressed it within mine. I thought she 
 returned the pressure. I leaned forward to catch her eye, 
 when the door was opened hastily, and a most extraordinary 
 figure presented itself. 
 
 It was a short, fat man, with a pair of enormous mustaches 
 of a fiery red; huge bushy whiskers of the same color; a 
 blue frock covered with braiding, and decorated with several 
 crosses and ribbons ; tight pantaloons and Hessian boots, 
 with long brass spurs. He held a large gold-headed cane in 
 his hand, and looked about with an expression of very equivo- 
 cal drollery mingled with fear. 
 
 " May I ask, sir," said I, as this individual closed the door 
 behind him — " may I ask the reason for this intrusion ? " 
 
 "Oh, upon my conscience, I'll do — I'm sure to pass mus- 
 ter now," said the well-known voice of Mr. O'Leary, whose 
 pleasant features began to dilate amidst the forest of red hair 
 he was disguised in. " But I see you are engaged," said he, 
 with a sly look at Miss Bingham, whom he had not yet recog- 
 nized. " So I must contrive to hide myself elsewhere, I sup- 
 pose." 
 
 " It is Miss Bingham," said 1, " who has been kind enough 
 to come here with her maid, to bring me some flowers. Pray
 
 I/anny LOkkSQUER. 35 r 
 
 present my respectful compliments to Mrs. Bingham, and say 
 how deeply I feel her most kind attention." 
 
 Emily rose at the instant, and recovering her self-posses- 
 sion at once, said : 
 
 " You forget, Mr. Lorrequer, it is a secret from whom the 
 flowers came ; at least mamma hoped to place them in your 
 vases without your knowledge. So pray don't speak of it — 
 and I'm sure Mr. O'Leary will not tell." 
 
 If Mr. O'Leary heard one word of this artful speech, I 
 know not, but he certainly paid no attention to it, nor the 
 speaker, who left the room without his appearing aware of it. 
 
 " Now that she is gone — for which heaven be praised," said 
 I to myself — " let me see what this fellow can mean." 
 
 As I turned from the door, I could scarcely avoid laughing 
 aloud at the figure before me. He stood opposite a large 
 mirror, his hat on one side of his head, one arm in his breast 
 and the other extended, leaning upon his stick ; a look of as 
 much ferocity as such features could accomplish had been 
 assumed, and his whole attitude was a kind of caricature of 
 a melodramatic hero in a German drama. 
 
 " Why, O'Leary, what is all this ? " 
 
 " Hush, hush ! " said he, in a terrified whisper — " never 
 mention that name again till we are over the frontier." 
 
 " But, man, explain — what do you mean ? " 
 
 " Can't you guess ? " said he, dryly. 
 
 " Impossible, unless the affair at the saloon has induced 
 you to take this disguise, I cannot conceive the reason." 
 
 " Nothing further from it, my dear friend ; much worse 
 than that." 
 
 " Out with it, then, at once." 
 
 " She's come — she's here — in this very house — No. 29, 
 above the entresol." 
 
 "Who is here, in No. 29, above the entresol?" 
 
 "Who but Mrs. O'Leary herself ! I was near saying bad 
 luck to her." 
 
 " And does she know you are here ? " 
 
 " That is what I can't exactly say," said he, " but she has 
 had the Livre des Voyageurs brought up to her room, and 
 has been making rather unpleasant inquiries for the proprie- 
 tor of certain hieroglyphics beginning with O, which have 
 given me great alarm ; the more, as all the waiters have been 
 sent for in turn, and subjected to long examination, by her. 
 So I have lost no time, but, under the auspices of your friend
 
 352 //. 4 A' A' J ' /. dRkE^UER. 
 
 Trevanion, have become the fascinating figure you find me, 
 and am now Comte O'Lieuki, a Pole of noble family, banished 
 by the Russian government, with a father in Siberia, and all 
 that ; and I hope by the end of the week to be able to cheat 
 at ecarte, and deceive the very police itself." 
 
 The idea of O'Leary's assuming such a metamorphosis 
 was too absurd not to throw me into a hearty fit of laughing, 
 in which the worthy emigri indulged also. 
 
 " But why not leave this at once," said I, " if you are so 
 much in dread of a recognition ? " 
 
 " You forget the trial," added O'Leary. " I must be here 
 on the 18th, or all my bail is forfeited." 
 
 " True — I had forgotten that. Well, now, your plans " 
 
 " Simply to keep very quiet here, till the affair of the tribu- 
 nal is over, and then quit France at once. Meanwhile, 
 Trevanion thinks that we may, by a bold stratagem, send 
 Mrs. O'Leary off on a wrong scent, and he has requested 
 Mrs. Bingham to contrive to make her acquaintance, and ask 
 her to tea in her room, when she will see me, en Polonais, at 
 a distance, you know — hear something of my melancholy 
 destiny from Trevanion — and leave the hotel quite sure she 
 has no claim on me. Meanwhile, some others of the party 
 are to mention incidentally having met Mr. O'Leary some- 
 where, or heard of his decease, or any pleasant little incident 
 that may occur to them." 
 
 "The plan is excellent," said I, "for in all probability 
 she may never come in your way again, if sent off on a good 
 errand this time." 
 
 "That's what I'm thinking," said O'Leary; "and I am 
 greatly disposed to let her hear that I'm with Belzoni in 
 Egypt, with an engagement to spend the Christmas with the 
 Dey of Algiers. That would give her a pretty tour for the 
 remainder of the year, and show her the pyramids. But, tell 
 me fairly, am I a good Pole ? " 
 
 " Rather short," said I, "and a little too fat, perhaps." 
 
 "That comes from the dash of the Tartar blood, nothing 
 more, and my mother was a Fin," said he : " she'll never ask 
 whether from Carlow or the Caucasus. How I revel in the 
 thought that I may smoke in company without a breach of 
 the unities. But 1 must go; there is a gentleman with a 
 quinsy in No. 8, that gives me a lesson in Polish this morn- 
 ing. So good-bye, and don't forget to be well enough to- 
 night, for you must be present at my i/c/'itt.'' 1
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 353 
 
 O'Leary had scarcely gone when my thoughts reverted to 
 Emily Bingham. I was not such a coxcomb as to fancy her in 
 love with me ; yet certainly there was something in the affair 
 which looked not unlike it; and though, by such a circum- 
 stance, every embarrassment which pressed upon me had 
 become infinitely greater, I could not dissemble from myself 
 a sense of pleasure at the thought. She was really a ver) 
 pretty girl, and improved vastly upon acquaintance. 
 
 " Les absens out ton jours tort " is the truest proverb in any 
 language, and I felt it in its fullest force when Trevanion 
 entered my room. 
 
 " Well, Lorrequer," said he, " your time is certainly not likely 
 to hang heavily on your hands in Paris, if occupation will 
 prevent it, for I find you are just now booked for a new 
 scrape." 
 
 " What can you mean ? " said I, starting up. 
 
 " Why, O'Leary, who has been, since your illness, the 
 constant visitor at the Binghams, — dining there every day, 
 and spending his evenings — has just told me. that the 
 mamma is only waiting for the arrival of Sir Guy Lorrequer in 
 Paris to open the trenches in all form ; and from what she 
 has heard of Sir Guy, she deems it most likely he will give her 
 svery aid and support to making you the husband of the fair 
 Emily." 
 
 " And with good reason, too," said I ; " for if my uncle 
 were only given to understand that I had once gone far in 
 my attentions, nothing would induce him to break off the 
 match. He was crossed in love himself, when young, and 
 has made a score of people miserable since, in the benevo- 
 lent idea of marrying them against every obstacle." 
 
 " How very smart you have become," said Trevanion, 
 taking a look round my room, and surveying in turn each of 
 the new occupants. " You must certainly reckon upon seeing 
 your tair friend here, or all this profiriete is sadly wasted." 
 
 This was the time to explain all about Miss Bingham's 
 visit, and I did so, of course omitting any details which 
 might seem to me needless, or involving myself in incon- 
 sistency. 
 
 Trevanion listened patiently to the end — was silent for 
 some moments — then added : 
 
 " And you never saw the letter ? " 
 
 "Of course not. It was burned before my eyes." 
 
 " I think the affair looks very serious, Lorrequer. You 
 
 2 3
 
 354 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 may have won this girl's affections. It matters little whether 
 the mamma be a hackneyed match-maker, or the cousin a 
 bullying duellist. If the girl have a heart, and that you have 
 gained it " 
 
 " Then I must marry, you would say." 
 
 " Exactly so — without the prompting of your worthy uncle, 
 I see no other course open to you without dishonor. My 
 advice, therefore, is, ascertain — and that speedily — how far 
 your attentions have been attended with the success you 
 dread — and then decide at once. Are you able to get as far 
 as Mrs. Bingham's room this morning ? If so come along. I 
 shall take all the/rats of la chere mamma off your hands, 
 while you talk to the daughter, and half an hour's courage 
 and resolution will do it all." 
 
 Having made the most effective toilet my means would 
 permit, my right arm in a sling, and my step trembling from 
 weakness, I sallied forth with Trevanion to make love with 
 as many fears for the result as the most bashful admirer 
 ever experienced, when pressing his suit upon some haughty 
 belle — but for a far different reason. 
 
 CHAPTER XXXVIII. 
 
 THE PROPOSAL. 
 
 On reaching Mrs. Bingham's apartments, we found that she 
 had just left home to wait upon Mrs. O'Leary, and, conse- 
 quently, that Miss Bingham was alone. Trevanion, there- 
 fore, having wished me a safe deliverance through my trying 
 mission, shook my hand warmly and departed. 
 
 I stood for some minutes irresolutely, with my hand upon 
 the lock of the door. To think that the next few moments 
 may decide the fortune of one's after-life is a sufficiently 
 anxious thought, but that your fate may be so decided by 
 compelling you to. finish in sorrow what you have begun in 
 folly, is still more insupportable. Such, then, was my con- 
 dition. 1 had resolved within myself, if the result of this 
 meeting should prove that I had won Miss Bingham's affec- 
 tion-,, to propose for her at once in all form, and make her my 
 wife. If, on the other hand, I only found that she too had 
 amused herself with a little passing flirtation, why, then, J
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 355 
 
 was a free man once more ; but, on catechising myself a little 
 closer, also, one somewhat disposed to make love de novo. 
 
 With the speed of lightning my mind ran over every pas- 
 sage of our acquaintance — our first meeting — our solitary 
 walks — our daily, hourly association — our travelling intimacy 
 — the adventure at Chantraine ; — there was, it is true, nothing 
 in all this which could establish the fact of wooing, but every- 
 thing which should convince an old offender like myself that 
 the young lady was "en prise," and that I myself — despite 
 my really strong attachment elsewhere — was not entirely 
 scatheless. 
 
 " Yes," said I, half aloud, as I once more reviewed the past, 
 " it is but another chapter in my history, in keeping with all 
 the rest — one step has ever led me to a second, and so on to 
 a third. What with other men have passed for mere trifles, 
 have ever with me become serious difficulties, and the false 
 enthusiasm with which I ever follow any object in life blinds 
 me for the time, and, mistaking zeal for inclination, I never 
 feel how my heart is interested in success till the fever of 
 pursuit is over." 
 
 These were pleasant thoughts for one about to throw him- 
 self at a pretty girl's feet, and pour out " his soul of love 
 before her ; " but that, with me, was the least part of it. 
 Curran, they say, usually picked up his facts in a case from 
 the opposite counsel's statements. I always relied for my 
 conduct in carrying on anything to the chance circumstances 
 of the moment, and trusted to my animal spirits to give me 
 an interest in whatever, for the time being, engaged me. 
 
 I opened the door. Miss Bingham was sitting at a table, 
 her head leaning upon her hands — some open letters which 
 lay before her evidently so occupying her attention that my 
 approach was unheard. On my addressing her, she turned 
 round suddenly, and became at first deep scarlet, then pale 
 as death ; while, turning to the table, she hurriedly threw 
 her letters into a drawer, and motioned me to a place beside 
 her. 
 
 After the first brief and commonplace inquiry for my health, 
 and hopes for my speedy recovery, she became silent ; and 
 I, too, primed with topics innumerable to discuss — knowing 
 how short my time might prove before Mrs. Bingham's return 
 — could not say a word. " I hope, Mr. Lorrequer," said she, 
 at length, " that you have incurred no risk by leaving your 
 room so early."
 
 356 HARRY LORREQl ER. 
 
 " I have not," I replied, " but even were there a certainty 
 of it, the anxiety I labored under to see and speak with you 
 alone would have overcome all fears on this account. Since 
 this unfortunate business has confined me to my chamber, I 
 have done nothing but think over circumstances which have 
 at length so entirely taken possession of me, that I must, at 
 any sacrifice, have sought an opportunity to explain to you " 
 —here Emily looked down, and 1 continued — " I need scarcely 
 say, what my feelings must long since have betrayed, that to 
 have enjoyed the daily happiness of living in your society, of 
 estimating your worth, of feeling your fascinations, were not 
 the means most in request for him, who knew too well how 
 little he deserved either by fortune or desert to hope to make 
 you his, and yet how little has prudence or caution to do 
 with situations like this." 
 
 She did not guess the animus of this speech. " I felt all I 
 have described ; and yet, and yet, I lingered on, prizing too 
 dearly the happiness of the present hour, to risk it by any 
 avowal of sentiments which might have banished me from 
 your presence forever. If the alternation of these hopes and 
 fears have proved too strong for my reason at last, I cannot 
 help it ; and this it is which now leads me to make this 
 avowal to you." Emily turned her head away from me ; but her 
 agitated manner showed how deeply my words had affected 
 her ; and T, too, now that I had finished, felt that I had been 
 "coming it rather strong." 
 
 " I hoped, Mr. Lorrequer," said she at length, " I hoped, 
 I confess, to have had an opportunity of speaking with you." 
 Then, thought I, the game is over, and Bishop Luscombe is 
 richer by five pounds than I wish him. " Something, I know 
 not what, in your manner, led me to suspect that your affec- 
 tions might lean toward me : hints you have dropped, and, 
 now and then, your chance allusions strengthened the belief, 
 and I determined, at length, that no feeling of maidenly 
 shame on my part should endanger the happiness of either 
 of us, and I determined to see you ; this was so difficult, that 
 I wrote a letter, and that letter, which might have saved me all 
 distressing explanation, I burned before you this morning." 
 
 •' But why, dearest girl "— here was a plug — "why, if the 
 letter could remove any misconstruction, or could be the 
 means of dispelling any doubt -why not let me see it ?" 
 
 "Hear me out," cried she, eagerly, and evidently not 
 heeding my interruption, " 1 determined, if your affections
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 357 
 
 were, indeed " — a flood of tears here broke forth, and 
 drowned her words ; her head sank between her hands, and 
 she sobbed bitterly. 
 
 " Corpo di Baccho ! " said I to myself, " it's all over with 
 me ; the poor girl is evidently jealous, and her heart will 
 break." 
 
 "Dearest, dearest Emily," said I, passing my arm round 
 her, and approaching my head close to hers, " if you think 
 that any other love than yours could ever beat within this 
 heart — that I could see you hourly before me — live beneath 
 your smile, and gaze upon your beauty — and, still more than 
 all — pardon the boldness of the thought — feel that I was not 
 indifferent to you." 
 
 " Oh ! spare me this, at least," said she, turning round her 
 tearful eyes upon me, and looking most bewitchingly beauti- 
 ful. " Have I then showed you this plainly ? " 
 
 " Yes, dearest girl ! That instinct which tells us we are 
 lov*ed has spoken within me. And here, in this beating 
 heart " 
 
 " Oh ! say no more," said she, " if I have, indeed, gained 
 your affections " 
 
 " If — //you have," said I, clasping her to my heart, while 
 she continued to sob still violently, and I felt half disposed 
 to blow my brains out for my success. However, there is 
 something in love-making, as in fox-hunting, which carries 
 you along in spite of yourself, and I continued to pour forth 
 whole rhapsodies of love that the Pastor Fido could not 
 equal. 
 
 " Enough," said she, " it is enough that you love me, and 
 that I have encouraged your so doing. But, oh ! tell me 
 once more, and think how much of future happiness may rest 
 upon your answer — tell me, may not this be some passing 
 attachment, which circumstances have created, and others 
 may dispel? Say, might not absence, time, or another more 
 worthy " 
 
 This was certainly a very rigid cross-examination when I 
 thought the trial was over ; and not being exactly prepared 
 for it, I felt no other mode of reply than pressing her taper 
 fingers alternately to my lips, and muttering something that 
 might pass for a declaration of love unalterable, but to my 
 own ears resembled a lament on my folly. 
 
 " She is mine now," thought I, " so we must e'en make 
 the best of it ; and truly she is a very handsome girl, though
 
 358 HA A' A' Y Li >RREQUER. 
 
 not a Lady Jane Callonby. The next step is the mamma ; 
 but I do not anticipate much difficulty in that quarter." 
 
 " Leave me now," said she, in a low and broken voice ; 
 " but promise not to speak of this meeting to any one before 
 we meet again. I have my reasons ; believe me they are 
 sufficient ones, so promise me this before we part." 
 
 Having readily given the pledge required, I again kissed 
 her hand and bade farewell, not a little puzzled the whole 
 time at perceiving that, ever since my declaration and ac- 
 ceptance, Emily seemed anything but happy, and evidently 
 struggling against some secret feeling of which I knew noth- 
 ing. " Yes," thought I, as I wended my way along the cor- 
 ridor, " the poor little girl is tremendously jealous, and I 
 must have said many a thing during our intimacy to hurt 
 her. However, that is all past and gone ; and now comes a 
 new character for me ; my next appearance will be ' en bon 
 mart.' " 
 
 CHAPTER XXXIX. 
 
 THOUGHTS UPON MATRIMONY IN GENERAL, AND THE ARMY IN 
 PARTICULAR. — THE KNIGHT OF KERRY AND BILLY M'CABE. 
 
 " So," thought I, as I closed the door of my room behind 
 me, " I am accepted — the die is cast which makes me a Bene- 
 dict ; yet heaven knows that never was a man less disposed 
 to be over-joyous at his good fortune ! " What a happy in- 
 vention it were, if, when adopting any road in life, we could 
 only manage to forget that we had ever contemplated any 
 other ! It is the eternal looking back in this world that forms 
 the staple of all our misery ; and we are but ill-requited for 
 such unhappiness by the brightest anticipations we can con- 
 jure up for the future. How much of all that " past " was 
 now to become a source of painful recollection, and to how 
 little of the future could I look forward with even hope ! 
 
 Our weaknesses are much more constantly the spring of 
 all our annoyances and troubles than even our vices. The 
 one we have in some sort of subjection ; we are perfectly 
 slaves to the others. This thought came home most forcibly 
 t<> niv bosom as I reflected upon the step which led me on 
 imperceptibly to my present embarrassment. "Well, Jest 
 fini now," said I, thawing upon that bountiful source of con-
 
 HA RR V L ORREQ UER. J 5 9 
 
 solation ever open to the man who mars his fortune — that 
 " what is past can't be amended ; " which piece of philoso- 
 phy, as well as its twin brother, that " all will be the same a 
 hundred years hence," have been golden rules to me from 
 my childhood. 
 
 The transition from one mode of life to another perfectly 
 different has ever seemed to me a great trial of man's moral 
 courage ; besides that the fact of quitting forever anything, 
 no matter how insignificant or valueless, is always attended 
 with painful misgivings. My bachelor life had its share of 
 annoyances and disappointments, it is true ; but, upon the 
 whole, it was a most happy one — and now I was about to 
 surrender it forever, not yielding to the impulse of affection 
 and love for one without whom life was valueless to me, but 
 merely a recompense for the indulgence of that fatal habit 1 
 had contracted of pursuing with eagerness every shadow 
 that crossed my path. All my early friends — all my vagrant 
 fancies — all my day-dreams of the future I was now to sur- 
 render — for what becomes of any man's bachelor friends 
 when he is once married ? Where are his rambles in high 
 and by-ways when he has a wife, and what is left for antici- 
 pation after his wedding, except, perhaps, to speculate upon 
 the arrangement of his funeral ? To a military man, more 
 than to any other, these are serious thoughts. All the fasci- 
 nations of an army life, in war or peace, lie in the daily, 
 hourly associations with your brother officers — the morning 
 cigar, the barrack-square lounge — the afternoon ride — the 
 game of billiards before dinner — the mess — (that perfection 
 of dinner society) — the plans for the evening — the devilled 
 kidney at twelve — forming so many points of departure 
 whence you sail out upon your daily voyage through life. 
 Versus these you have that awful perversion of all that is 
 natural — an officer's wife. She has been a beauty when 
 young, had black eyes and high complexion, a good figure, 
 rather inclined to embonpoint, and a certain springiness in 
 her walk, and a jauntiness in her air, that are ever sure at- 
 tractions to a sub in a marching regiment. She can play 
 backgammon, and sing " di tanti palpiti," and, if an Irish- 
 woman, is certain to be able to ride a steeple-chase, and has 
 an uncle a lord, who {en parentkkse) always turns out to be a 
 creation made by King James, after his abdication. In con- 
 clusion, she breakfasts en papillate — wears her shoes down at 
 heel — calls every officer of the regiment by his name — has a
 
 360 ' jia kk v /a >A' A' /•:<,> I '/■: A'. 
 
 great taste for increasing his majesty's lieges, and delights in 
 London porter. To this genus of frow I have never ceased 
 to entertain the most thrilling abhorrence ; and yet, how 
 often have I seen what appeared to be pretty and interesting 
 girls fall into something of this sort ! and how often have I 
 vowed any fate to myself rather than become the husband of 
 a baggage-wagon wife. 
 
 Had all my most sanguine hopes promised realizing — had 
 my suit with Lady Jane been favorable, I could scarcely 
 have bid adieu to my bachelor life without a sigh. No pros- 
 pect of future happiness can ever perfectly exclude all regret 
 at quitting our present state forever. I am sure, if I had 
 been a caterpillar, it would have been with a heavy heart 
 that I would have donned my wings as a butterfly. Now 
 the metamorphosis was reversed : need it be wondered if I 
 were sad ? 
 
 So completely was I absorbed in my thoughts upon this 
 matter that I had not perceived the entrance of O'Leary and 
 Trevanion, who, unaware of my being in the apartment, as I 
 was stretched upon a sofa in a dark corner, drew their chairs 
 toward the fire and began chatting. 
 
 " Do you know, Mr. Trevanion," said O'Leary, " I am 
 half afraid of this disguise of mine. I sometimes think I 
 am not like a Pole : and if she should discover me " 
 
 " No fear of that in the world ; your costume is perfect, 
 your beard unexceptionable. I could, perhaps, have desired 
 a little less paunch ; but then " 
 
 " That comes of fretting, as Falstaff says ; and you must 
 not forget that I am banished from my country." 
 
 " Now, as to your conversation, I should advise your say- 
 ing very little — not one word of English. You may, if you 
 like, call in the assistance of Irish when hard pressed." 
 
 " I have my fears on that score. There is no knowing 
 where that might lead to discovery. You know the story of 
 the Knight of Kerry and Billy M'Cabe ? " 
 
 " i fear I must confess my ignorance — I have never heard 
 of it." 
 
 " Then may be you never knew Giles Daxon ? " 
 
 " I have not that pleasure either." 
 
 " Lord bless me, how strange that is ! I thought he was 
 better known than the Duke of Wellington, or the travelling 
 piper. Well, 1 must tell you the story, for it has a moral, too 
 — indeed, several morals ; but you will find that out for your-
 
 HARRY LORKEQUER. 361 
 
 self. Well, it seems that one day the Knight of Kerry was 
 walking along the Strand in London, killing an hour's time, 
 till the House was done prayers, and Hume tired of hearing 
 himself speaking ; his eye was caught by an enormous pict- 
 ure displayed upon the wall of a house, representing a human 
 figure covered with long, dark hair, with huge nails upon his 
 hands, and a most fearful expression of face. At first the 
 Knight thought it was Dr. Bowring ; but on coming nearer 
 he heard a man with a scarlet livery and a cocked hat call 
 out, ' Walk in, ladies and gentlemen — the most wonderful 
 curiosity ever exhibited — only one shilling — the wild man 
 from Chippoowango, in Africa — eats raw wittals without 
 being cooked, and many other surprising and pleasing per- 
 formances.' 
 
 "The Knight paid his money, and was admitted. At first 
 the crowd prevented his seeing anything — for the place was 
 full to suffocation and the noise awful — for, besides the ex- 
 clamations and applause of the audience, there were three 
 barrel-organs, playing ' Home, Sweet Home ' and ' Cherry 
 Ripe,' and the wild man himself contributed his share to the 
 uproar. At last, the Knight obtained, by dint of squeezing 
 and some pushing, a place in the front, when, to his very 
 great horror, he beheld a figure that far eclipsed the portrait 
 without doors. 
 
 " It was a man nearly naked, covered with long, shaggy 
 hair, that grew even over his nose and cheek-bones. He 
 sprang about sometimes on his feet, sometimes on all fours, 
 but always uttering the most fearful yells, and glaring upon 
 the crowd in a manner that was really dangerous. The 
 Knight did not feel exactly happy at the whole proceeding, 
 and began heartily to wish himself back in the ' House,' even 
 upon a committee of privileges, when, suddenly, the savage 
 gave a more frantic scream than before, and seized upon a 
 morsel of raw beef, which a keeper extended to him upon a 
 long fork, like a tandem whip — he was not safe, it appears, 
 at close quarters — this he tore to pieces eagerly, and 
 devoured in the most voracious manner, amid great clapping 
 of hands, and other evidences of satisfaction from the audi- 
 ence. I'll go now, thought the Knight ; for God knows 
 whether, in his hungry moods, he might not fancy to con- 
 clude his dinner by a member of Parliament. Just at this 
 instant some sounds struck upon his ear that surprised him 
 not a little. He listened more attentively ; and conceive, if
 
 362 HA RR ) ' I. ORREQUER. 
 
 you can, his amazement, to find that, amid his most fearful 
 cries and wild yells, the savage was talking Irish. Laugh, 
 if you like ; but it's truth I am telling you : nothing less than 
 Irish. There he was jumping four feet high in the air, eat- 
 ing his raw meat ; pulling out his hair by handfuls ; and, 
 amid all this, cursing the whole company to his heart's con- 
 tent, in as good Irish as was ever heard in Tralee. Now, 
 though the Knight had heard of red Jews and white negroes, 
 he had never happened to read any account of an African 
 Irishman ; so, he listened very closely, and by degrees not 
 only words were known to him, but the very voice was famil- 
 iar. At length, something he heard, left no further doubt 
 upon his mind, and, turning to the savage, he addressed 
 him in Irish, at the same time fixing a look of most scrutin- 
 izing import upon him. 
 
 " ' Who are you, you scoundrel ? ' said the Knight. 
 
 " ' Billy M'Cabe, your honor.' 
 
 " ' And what do you mean by playing off these tricks lure, 
 instead of earning your bread like an honest man ? ' 
 
 " ' Whist,' said Billy, ' and keep the secret. I'm earning 
 the rent for your honor. One must do many a queer thing 
 that pays two pound ten an acre for bad land.' " 
 
 This was enough : the Knight wished Billy every success, 
 and left him amid the vociferous applause of a well-satisfied 
 audience. This adventure, it seems, has made the worthy 
 Knight a great friend to the introduction of poor laws ; for, 
 he remarks very truly, " More of Billy's countrymen might 
 take a fancy to a savage life, if the secret was found out." 
 
 It was impossible for me to preserve my incognito, as Mr. 
 O'Leary concluded his story, and I was obliged to join in 
 the mirth of Trevanion, who laughed loud and long as he 
 finished it. 
 
 CHAPTER XL. 
 
 A REMINISC E \ C E. 
 
 O'Learv and Trevanion had scarcely left the room when 
 the waiter entered with two letters — the one bore a German 
 postmark, and was in the well known hand of Lady Callonby 
 — the other in a writing with which I was no less familiar — 
 that of Emily Bingham. Let any one who has been patient
 
 It A kk \ ' L ORRE{ ' ( A A\ 2>&3 
 
 enough to follow me through these " Confessions " conceive 
 my agitation at this moment. There lay my fate before me, 
 coupled, in all likelihood, with a view of what it might have 
 been under happier auspices — at least so in anticipation did 
 I read the two unopened epistles. My late interview with 
 Miss Bingham left no doubt upon my mind that I had 
 secured her affections ; and acting in accordance with the 
 counsel of Trevanion, no less than of my own sense of right, 
 I resolved upon marrying her, with what prospect of happi- 
 ness I dared not to think of ! 
 
 Alas ! and alas ! there is no infatuation like the taste for 
 flirtation — mere empty, valueless, heartless flirtation. You 
 hide the dice-box and the billiard cue, lest your son become 
 a gambler— you put aside the racing calendar, lest he imbibe 
 a jockey predilection — but you never tremble at his fondness 
 for white muslin and a satin slipper, far more dangerous 
 tastes though they be, and infinitely more perilous to a 
 man's peace and prosperity than all the "queens of trumps" 
 that ever figured, whether on pasteboard or the Doncaster. 
 " Woman's my wakeness, yer honor," said an honest Pat- 
 lander, on being charged before the lord mayor with having 
 four wives living ; and without having any such " Algerine 
 act " upon my conscience, I must, I fear, enter a somewhat 
 similar plea for my downfallings, and avow, in humble 
 gratitude, that I have scarcely had a misfortune through 
 life unattributable to them in one way or another. And this 
 I say without any reference to country, class, or complexion, 
 " black, brown, or fair," from my first step forth into life, 
 a raw sub, in the gallant 4-th, to this same hour, I have no 
 other avowal, no other confession to make. " Be always 
 ready with the pistol," was the dying advice of an Irish 
 statesman to his sons: mine, in a similar circumstance, 
 would rather be, " Gardez vous des femines" and more espec- 
 ially if they be Irish. 
 
 There is something almost treacherous in the facility with 
 which an Irish girl receives your early attentions, and appears 
 to like them, that invariably turns a young fellow's head 
 very long before he has any prospect of touching her heart. 
 She thinks it so natural to be made love to, that there is 
 neither any affected coyness nor any agitated surprise. She 
 listens to your declaration of love as quietly as the chief 
 justice would to one of law, and refers the decision to a 
 packed jury of her relatives, who rarely recommend you to
 
 364 HARRY LORRR^CRA. 
 
 mercy. Love and fighting, too, are so intimately united in 
 Ireland, that a courtship rarely progresses without at least 
 one exchange of shots between some of the parties concerned. 
 My first twenty-four hours in Dublin is so pleasantly char- 
 acteristic of this, that I may as well relate it here while 
 the subject is before us ; besides, as these " Confessions " 
 are intended as warnings and guides to youth, I may convey 
 a useful lesson, showing why a man should not " make love 
 in the dark." 
 
 It was upon a raw, cold, drizzling morning in February, 
 18 — , that our regiment landed on the north wall from 
 Liverpool, whence we had been hurriedly ordered to repress 
 some riots and disturbances then agitating Dublin. 
 
 We marched to the Royal Barracks, our band playing 
 Patrick's Day, to the very considerable admiration of as 
 naked a population as ever loved music. The — th Dragoons 
 were at the same time quartered there — right pleasant, jovial 
 fellows, who soon gave us to understand that the troubles 
 were over before we arrived, and that the great city author- 
 ities were now returning thanks for their preservation from 
 fire and sword by a series of entertainments of the most 
 costly, but somewhat incongruous kind — the company being 
 scarce less milee than the dishes. Peers and play-actors, 
 judges and jailers, archbishops, tailors, attorneys, ropemakers 
 and apothecaries, all uniting in the festive delight of good 
 feeding and drinking the "glorious memory" — but of whom 
 half the company knew not, only surmising " it was some- 
 thing agin the papists." You may smile, but these were 
 pleasant times, and I scarcely care to go back there since 
 they were changed. But to return. The — th had just re- 
 ceived an imitation to a ball to be given by the high sheriff, 
 and to which they most considerately said we should also be 
 invited. This negotiation was so well managed that before 
 noon we all received our cards from a green-liveried youth 
 mounted upon a very emaciated pony — the whole turn-out 
 not auguring flatteringly of the high sheriff's taste in equipage. 
 
 We dined with the — th, and, as customary before going to 
 an evening party, took the "other bottle" of claret that lies 
 beyond the frontier of prudence. In fact, from the lieutenant- 
 colonel down to the newly-joined ensign, there was not a face 
 in the party that did not betray " signs of the times," that 
 boded most favorably for the mirth of the sheriff's ball. We 
 were so perfectly up to the mark that our major, a Conne-
 
 HARRY LOkREQUER. 365 
 
 mara man, said, as we left the mess-room, "a liqueur glass 
 would spoil us." 
 
 In this acme of our intellectual wealth, we started about 
 eleven o'clock upon every species of conveyance that chance 
 could press into the service. Of hackney-coaches there 
 were few — but in jingles, noddies, and jaunting-cars, with 
 three on a side and " one in the well," we mustered strong- 
 down Barrack Street we galloped, the mob cheering us, we 
 laughing, and, I'm afraid, shouting a little too — the watchmen 
 springing their rattles, as if instinctively, at noise, and the 
 whole population up and awake, evidently entertaining a 
 high opinion of our convivial qualities. Our voices became 
 gradually more decorous, however, as we approached the 
 more civilized quarter of the town ; and, with only the 
 slight stoppage of the procession to pick up an occasional 
 dropper-off, as he lapsed from the seat of a jaunting-car, we 
 arrived at length at our host's residence, somewhere in 
 Sackville Street. 
 
 Had our advent conferred the order of knighthood upon 
 the host, he could not have received us with more em- 
 pressemcnt. He shook us all in turn by the hand, to the 
 number of eight-and-thirty, and then presented us seriatim to 
 his spouse, a very bejewelled lady of some forty years — who, 
 what between bugles, feathers, and her turban, looked ex- 
 cessively like a Chinese pagoda upon a saucer. The rooms 
 were crowded to suffocation — the noise awful — and the com- 
 pany crushing and elbowing rather a little more than you 
 expect where the moiety are of the softer sex. However, 
 "on s 'habitue a toute" sayeth the proverb, and with truth, for 
 we all so perfectly fell in with the habits of the place, that, 
 ere half an hour, we squeezed, ogled, leered, and drank 
 champagne like the rest of the corporation. 
 
 " Devilish hot work this," said the colonel, as he passed 
 me with two rosy-cheeked, smiling ladies on either arm ; 
 " the mayor — that little fellow in the punch-colored shorts — 
 has very nearly put me hors da combat with champagne ; 
 take care of him, I advise you." 
 
 Tipsy as I felt myself, I was yet sufficiently clear to be 
 fully alive to the drollery of the scene before me. Flirtations 
 that, under other circumstances, would demand the secrecy 
 and solitude of a country green lane, or some garden bower, 
 were here conducted in all the open effrontery of wax lights 
 and lustres ; looks were interchanged, hands were squeezed,
 
 g66 IIANRY LOHREQUER. 
 
 and soft things whispered, and smiles returned; till the in- 
 toxication of " punch negus" and spiced port gave way to 
 the far greater one of bright looks and tender glances. Qua- 
 drilles and country dances — waltzing there was none (perhaps 
 all for the best) — whist, backgammon, loo — unlimited for 
 uproar — sandwiches, and warm liquors, employed us pretty 
 briskly till supper was announced, when a grand squeeze 
 took place on the stairs — the population tending thitherward 
 with an eagerness that a previous starvation of twenty-four 
 hours could alone justify. Among this dense mass of moving 
 muslin, velvet, and broadcloth, I found myself chaperoning 
 an extremely tempting little damsel, with a pair of laughing 
 blue eyes and dark eyelashes, who had been committed to 
 my care and guidance for the passage. 
 
 " Miss Moriarty, Mr. Lorrequer," said an old lady in green 
 and spangles, who I afterward found was the lady mayoress. 
 
 " The nicest girl in the room," said a gentleman with a 
 Tipperary accent, " and has a mighty nice place near Ath- 
 lone." 
 
 The hint was not lost upon me, and I speedily began to 
 /aire Faimable to my charge ; and before we reached the 
 supper-room, learned certain particulars of her history, which 
 I have not yet forgot. She was, it seems, sister to a lady 
 then in the room, the wife of an attorney, who rejoiced in 
 the pleasing and classical appellation of Mr. Mark Anthony 
 Fitzpatrick ; the aforesaid Mark Anthony being a tall, raw- 
 boned, black-whiskered, ill-looking dog, that from time to 
 time contrived to throw very uncomfortable looking glances 
 at me and Mary Anne, for she was so named, the whole time 
 of supper. After a few minutes, however, I totally forgot 
 him, and, indeed, everything else, in the fascination of my 
 fair companion. She shared her chair with me, upon which 
 I supported her by my arm passed round the back. We ate 
 our pickled salmon, jelly, blanc mange, cold chicken, ham 
 and custard, off the same plate, with an occasional squeeze 
 of the finger, as our hands met — her eyes making sad havoc 
 with me all the while, as I poured my tale of love — love, 
 lasting, burning, all-consuming — into her not unwilling ear. 
 
 " Ah ! now, ye're not in earnest ? " 
 
 " Ves ! Mary Anne, by all that's " 
 
 " Well, there now, don't swear, and take care — sure, Mark 
 Anthony is looking." 
 
 " Mark Anthony be "
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 367 
 
 " Oh ! how passionate you are ! T'm sure I never could live 
 easy with you. There, now, give me some sponge-cake, and 
 don't be squeezing me or they'll see you.." 
 
 " Yes, to my heart, dearest girl." 
 
 "Och, it's cheese you're giving me," said she, with a 
 grimace that nearly cured my passion. 
 
 "A cottage, a hut, with you — wkh you" said I, in a 
 cadence that I defy Macready to rival — " what is worldly 
 splendor, or the empty glitter of rank " 
 
 I here glanced at my epaulets, on which I saw her eyes 
 rivetted. 
 
 " Isn't the ginger beer beautiful?" said she, emptying a 
 glass of champagne. 
 
 Still I was not to be roused from my trance, and continued 
 my courtship as warmly as ever. 
 
 " I suppose you'll come home now," said a gruff voice be- 
 hind Mary Anne. 
 
 I turned and perceived Mark Anthony, with a grim look of 
 peculiar import. 
 
 "Oh, Mark dear, I'm engaged to dance another set with 
 this gentleman." 
 
 " Ye are, are ye ? " replied Mark, eyeing me askance. 
 " Troth and I think the gentleman would be better if he went 
 off to his flea-bag himself." 
 
 In my then mystified intellect this west country synonym 
 for a bed a little puzzled me. 
 
 " Yes, sir, the lady is engaged to me, have you anything to 
 say to that ? " 
 
 " Nothing at present, at all," said Mark, almost timidly. 
 
 " Oh, dear, oh, dear," sobbed Mary Anne; " they're going 
 to fight and he'll be killed — I know he will." 
 
 For which of us this fate was destined I stopped not to 
 consider, but taking the lady under my arm, elbowed my way 
 to the drawing-room, amid a very sufficient patting upon the 
 back, and thumping between the shoulders, bestowed by 
 members of the company who approved of my proceedings. 
 The three fiddles, the flute, and bassoon, that formed our 
 band, being by this time sufficiently drunk, played after a 
 fashion of their own, which, by one of those strange sym- 
 pathies of our nature, imparted its influence to our legs, and 
 a country dance was performed in a style of free and easy 
 gesticulation that defies description. At the end of eighteen 
 couples, tired of my exertions — and they were not slight — I
 
 368 HARRY LOk,: 
 
 leaned my back against the wall of the room, which I now, 
 for the first time, perceived was covered with a very peculiar 
 and novel species of hanging, no less than a kind of rough, 
 green baize cloth that moved and floated at every motion of the 
 air. 1 paid little attention to this till, suddenly turning my head, 
 something gave way behind it. I felt myself Struck upon 
 the back of the neck, and fell forward into the room, covered 
 by a perfect avalanche of fenders, fire-irons, frying-pans, and 
 copper kettles, mingled with the lesser artillery of small nails, 
 door-keys, and hold-fasts. There I lay, amid the most 
 vociferous mirth I ever listened to, under the confounded 
 torrent of ironmongery that half-stunned me. The laughter 
 over, I was assisted to rise, and having drunk about a pint oi 
 vinegar, and had my face and temples washed in strong 
 whisky punch, the allocation of the fluids being mistaken, I 
 learned that our host, the high sheriff, was a celebrated tin 
 and iron man, and that his salles de reception were no othef 
 than his magazine of metals, and that to conceal the well- 
 filled shelves from the gaze of his aristocratic guests, they 
 were clothed in the manner related ; which my unhappy head, 
 by some misfortune, displaced, and thus brought on a 
 calamity scarcely less afflicting to him than to myself. I 
 should scarcely have stopped to mention this here, were it 
 not that Mary Anne's gentle nursing of me in my misery went 
 far to complete what her fascination had begun ; and although 
 she could not help laughing at the occurrence, I forgave her 
 readily for her kindness. 
 
 " Remember," said I, trying to ogle through a black eye, 
 painted by the angle of a register grate, " remember, Mary 
 Anne, I am to see you home." 
 
 "Oh ! clear, sir, sure I don T t know how you can manage 
 it " 
 
 line Mark Anthony's entrance cut short her speech, for 
 he came to declare that some of the officers had taken his 
 coach, and was, as might be supposed, in a towering pas- 
 sion. 
 
 " If, .sir," said 1, with an air of the most halm}- courtesy, 
 " if I can be of any use in assisting you to see your friends 
 home " 
 
 " Ah ! then, ye're a nice looking article to see ladies home. 
 I wish you seen yourself this minute," said lie. 
 
 As 1 felt it would be no breach of the unities, time, place, 
 and everything considered, to smash his skull, I should cer-
 
 HA KR Y L OKKKQ I V- A'. 369 
 
 tainly have proceeded to do so, had not a look of the most 
 imploring kind from Mary Anne restrained me. By this 
 time he had taken her under the arm, and was leading her 
 away. I stood irresolute, till a glance from my charmer 
 caught me ; when I rallied at once, and followed them down- 
 stairs. Here the scene was to the full as amusing as above ; 
 the cloaking, shawling, shoeing, etc., of the ladies being cer- 
 tainly as mirth-moving a process as I should wish to see. 
 Here were mothers trying to collect their daughters, as a hen 
 her chickens, and as in that case, the pursuit of one usually 
 lost all the others ; testy papas swearing, lovers leering, as 
 they twisted the boas round the fair throats of their sweet- 
 hearts ; vows of love, mingling with lamentations for a lost 
 slipper or a stray mantle. Sometimes the candles were ex- 
 tinguished, and the melee became greater, till the order and 
 light were restored together. Meanwhile, each of our fellows 
 had secured his fair one, save myself, and I was exposed to 
 no small ridicule for my want of savoir /aire. Nettled by 
 this, I made a plunge to the corner of the room, where Mary 
 Anne was shawling ; I recognized her pink sash, threw her 
 cloak over her shoulders, and at the very moment that Mark 
 Anthony drew his wife's arm within his, I performed the 
 same by my friend, and followed them to the door. Here, the 
 grim brother-in-law turned around to take Mary Anne's arm, 
 and seeing her with me, merely gave a kind of hoarse chuckle, 
 and muttered : " Very well, sir ; upon my conscience, you 
 will have it, I see." During this brief interval, so occupied 
 was I in watching him, that I never once looked in my fair 
 friend's face ; but the gentle squeeze of her arm, as she 
 leaned upon me, assured me that I had her approval of what 
 I was doing. 
 
 What was the precise train of my thoughts, and what the 
 subjects of conversation between us, I am unfortunately now 
 unable to recollect. It is sufficient to remember that I could 
 not believe five minutes had elapsed, when we arrived at 
 York Street. "Then you confess you love me," said I, as I 
 squeezed her arm to my side. 
 
 " Then by this kiss," said I, " I swear never to relin- 
 quish " 
 
 What I was about to add I am sure I know not ; but true 
 it is, that a certain smacking noise here attracted Mr. Mark 
 Anthony's attention, who started round, looked us full in the 
 face, and then gravely added, " Enough is as good as a feast. 
 
 24
 
 370 HARRY LORREQl 
 
 I wish you pleasant dreams, Mr. Larry Kar, if that's your 
 name; and you'll hear from me in the morning." 
 
 " I intend it," said I. " Good-night, dearest ; think 
 of " 
 
 The slam of the street-door in my face spoiled the perora- 
 tion, and I turned toward home. 
 
 By the time I reached the barracks, the united effects of 
 champagne, sherry, and Sheffield iron had, in a good measure, 
 subsided, and my head had become sufficiently clear to per- 
 mit a slight retrospect of the evening's amusement. 
 
 From two illusions I was at least awakened :— First, the 
 high sheriff's ball was not the most accurate representation 
 of high society ; secondly, I was not deeply enamored of 
 Mary Anne Moriarty. Strange as it may seem, and how little 
 soever the apparent connection between those two facts, the 
 truth of one had a considerable influence in deciding the 
 other. " NHmporte" said I, " the thing is it was rather good 
 fun, too, upon the whole, saving the ' chute des casseroles ; ' 
 and as to the lady, she must have seen it was a joke as well 
 as myself. At least, so I am decided it shall be ; and as 
 there was no witness to our conversation, the thing is easily 
 got out of." 
 
 The following day, as I was dressing to ride out, my serv- 
 ant announced no less a person than Mr. Mark Anthony 
 Fitzpatrick, who said " that he came upon a little business, 
 and must see me immediately." 
 
 Mr. Fitzpatrick, upon being announced, speedily opened 
 his negotiation by asking in very terse and unequivocal 
 phrase, my intentions regarding his sister-in-law. After pro- 
 fessing the most perfect astonishment at the question, and 
 its possible import, I replied, that she was a most charming 
 person, with whom I intended to have nothing whatever to 
 do. 
 
 " And may be you never proposed for her at the ball last 
 night?" 
 
 " Propose for a lady at a ball, the first time I ever met 
 her ! " 
 
 "Just so. Can you carry your memory so far back ? or, 
 perhaps, I had better refresh ; " and he here repeated the 
 whole substance of my conversation on the way homeward, 
 sometimes in the very words I used. 
 
 " But, my dear sir, the young lady could never have sup- 
 <1 1 used such language as this you have repeated?"
 
 //A RR J ' L ORREQ UE&. 3 7 r 
 
 " So, then, you intend to break off ? Well, then, it's right 
 to tell you that you're in a very ugly scrape ; for it was my 
 wife you took home last night — not Miss Moriarty ; and I 
 leave you to choose at your leisure, whether you'd rather be 
 defendant in a suit for breach of promise or seduction ; and, 
 upon my conscience, I think it's civil in me to give you a 
 choice." 
 
 What a pretty disclosure was here ! So that while I was 
 imagining myself squeezing the hand and winning the heart 
 of the fair Mary Anne, I was merely making a case of strong 
 evidence for a jury, that might expose me to the world and 
 half ruin me in damages. There was but one course open — 
 to make a fight for it ; and, from what I saw of my friend 
 Mark Anthony, this did not seem difficult. 
 
 I accordingly assumed a high tone, laughed at the entire 
 affair, said it was a "way we had in the army," that " we 
 never meant anything by it," etc., etc. 
 
 In a few minutes I perceived the bait was taking. Mr. 
 Fitzpatrick's west country blood was up ; all thought of the 
 legal resource was abandoned ; and he flung out of the room 
 to find a friend, I having given him the name of " one of 
 ours " as mine upon the occasion. 
 
 Very little time was lost, for before three o'clock that after- 
 noon a meeting was fixed for the following morning at the 
 North Bull, and I had the satisfaction of hearing that I only 
 escaped the malignant eloquence of Holmes in the King's 
 Bench, to be " blazed " at by the best shot on the western 
 circuit. The thought was no way agreeable, and I indemni- 
 fied myself for the scrape by a very satisfactory anathema 
 upon the high sheriff and his ball, and his confounded sauce- 
 pans; for to the lady's sympathy for my sufferings I attrib- 
 uted much of my folly. 
 
 At eight the next morning I found myself standing with 
 Curzon and the doctor upon that bleak portion of her 
 majesty's dominion they term the North Bull, waiting in a 
 chilly rain and a raw fog, till it pleased Mark Anthony Fitz- 
 patrick to come and shoot me — such being the precise terms 
 of our combat, in the opinion of all parties. 
 
 The time, however, passed on, and half-past eight, three 
 quarters, and at last nine o'clock, without his appearing ; 
 when, just as Curzon had resolved upon our leaving the 
 ground, a hack jaunting-car was seen driving at full speed 
 along the road near us. It came nearer and at length drew
 
 372 //Ah'K)- LdRkbQUER. 
 
 up; two men leaped ofT and came toward us; one of whom, 
 as he came forward, took off his hat politely, and introduced 
 himself as Mr. O'Gorman, the fighting friend of Mark An- 
 thony. 
 
 " It's a mighty unpleasant business I'm come upon, gentle- 
 men," said he; "Mr. Fitzpatrick has been unavoidably pre- 
 vented from having the happiness to meet you this morn- 
 ing " 
 
 "Then you can't expect us, sir, to dance attendance upon 
 him here to-morrow," said Curzon, interrupting. 
 
 " By no manner of means," replied the other, placidly ; " f< >r 
 it would be equally inconvenient for him to be here then. 
 But I have only to say, that as I'm here for my friend, and 
 know all the particulars of the case, maybe you'd have the 
 kindness to waive all etiquette, and let me stand in his 
 place." 
 
 " Certainly and most decidedly not," said Curzon. 
 " Waive etiquette ! — why, sir, we have no quarrel with you ; 
 never saw you before." 
 
 " Well, now, isn't this hard ? " said Mr. O'Gorman, address- 
 ing his friend, who stood by with a pistol-case under his arm; 
 " but I told Mark that I was sure they'd be standing upon 
 punctilio, for they were English. Well, sir," said he, turning 
 toward Curzon, "there's but one way to arrange it now, that 
 I see. Mr. Fitzpatrick, you must know, was arrested this 
 morning for a tritfe of ,£140. If you or your friend there 
 will join us in the bail, we can get him out, and he'll fight 
 you in the morning to your satisfaction." 
 
 When the astonishment this proposal had created sub- 
 sided, we assured Mr. O'Gorman that we were noways dis- 
 posed to pay such a price for our amusement, a fact that 
 seemed considerably to surprise both him and his friend, 
 and adding, that to Mr. Fitzpatrick, personally, we should 
 feel bound to hold ourselves pledged at a future period, we 
 left the ground, Curzon laughing heartily at the original ex- 
 pedient thus suggested, while I inwardly pronounced a most 
 glowing eulogy on the law of imprisonment for debt. 
 
 Before Mr. Fitzpatrick obtained the benefit of the act, we 
 were ordered abroad, and I have never since heard of him.
 
 HARR \ ' LORREQUER. 373 
 
 CHAPTER XLI. 
 
 THE TWO LETTERS. 
 
 From the digression of the last chapter I was recalled by 
 the sight of the two letters which lay during my reverie un- 
 opened before me. I first broke the seal of Lady Callonby's 
 epistle, which ran thus : 
 
 " Munich, La Croix Blanche. 
 
 "My dear Mr. Lorrequer, — I have just heard from 
 Kilkee, that you are at length about to pay us your long 
 promised visit, and write these few lines to beg that before 
 leaving Paris you will kindly execute for me the commissions 
 of which I inclose a formidable list, or at least as many of 
 them as you can conveniently accomplish. Our stay here 
 now will be so short that it will require all your dispatch to 
 overtake us before reaching Milan, Lady Jane's health re- 
 quiring an immediate change of climate. Our present plans 
 are, to winter in Italy, although such will interfere consider- 
 ably with Lord Callonby, who is pressed much by his friends 
 to accept office. However, all this and our other gossip I 
 reserve for our meeting. Meanwhile, adieu ; and if any of 
 my emplettes bore you, omit them at once, except the white 
 roses and the Brussels veil, which Lady Jane is most anxious 
 for. Sincerely yours, 
 
 " Charlotte Callonby." 
 
 How much did these few and apparently commonplace 
 lines convey to me ? First, my visit was not only expected, 
 but actually looked forward to, canvassed — perhaps I might 
 almost whisper to myself the flattery — wished for. Again, 
 Lady Jane's health was spoken of as precarious, less actual 
 illness, I said to myself, than mere delicacy, requiring the 
 bluer sky and warmer airs of Italy. Perhaps her spirits were 
 affected — some mental malady — some ill-placed passion — que 
 sawj'c? In fact, my brain ran on so fast in its devisings, 
 that by a quick process, less logical than pleasing, I satis- 
 fied myself that the lovely Lady Jane Callonby was actually
 
 374 //A A- A')' LOHR£QtJ£R. 
 
 in love, with whom let the reader guess at. And Lord 
 Callonby, too, about to join the ministry — well, all the 
 better to have one's father-in-law in power — promotion is so 
 cursed slow nowadays. And, lastly, the sly allusion to 
 the commissions — the mechanceti of introducing her name to 
 interest me. With such materials as these to build upon, frail 
 as they may seem to others, I found no difficulty in regard- 
 ing myself as the dear friend of the family, and the ac- 
 knowledged suitor of Lady Jane. 
 
 In the midst, however, of all my self-gratulation, my eye 
 fell upon the letter of Emily Bingham, and I suddenly 
 remembered how fatal to all such happy anticipations it 
 might prove. I tore it open in passionate haste, and read : 
 
 " My dear Mr. Lorrequer, — As, from the interview we 
 have had this morning, I am inclined to believe that I have 
 gained your affections, I think that I should ill requite such a 
 state of your feeling for me, were I to conceal that I cannot 
 return you mine ; in fact, they are not mine to bestow. This 
 frank avowal, whatever pain it may have cost me, I think I owe 
 to you to make. You will, perhaps, say the confession should 
 have been earlier ; to which I reply, it should have been so, 
 had I known, or even guessed at, the nature of your feelings 
 for me. For — and I write it in all truth, and perfect respect 
 for you — I only saw in your attentions the flirting habits of a 
 man of the world, with a very uninformed and ignorant girl 
 of eighteen, with whom, as it was his amusement to travel, he 
 deemed it worth his while to talk. I now see and bitterly 
 regret my error, yet deem it better to make this painful con- 
 fession than suffer you to remain in a delusion which may 
 involve your happiness in the wreck of mine. 
 " I am, most faithfully your friend, 
 
 " Emily Bingham." 
 
 " What a charming girl she is ! " I cried as I finished the 
 letter ; " how full of true feeling, how honorable, how straight- 
 forward : and yet it is devilish strange how cunningly she 
 played her part — and it seems now that 1 never did touch 
 her affections ; Master Harry, I begin to fear you are not 
 altogether the awful lady-killer you have been thinking." 
 Thus did I meditate upon this singular note — my delight at 
 being once more "tree" mingling with some chagrin that 1 
 was jockeyed, and by a young miss of eighteen, too. Con-
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 375 
 
 foundedly disagreeable if the mess knew it, thought I. Per 
 Baccho ! — how they would quiz upon my difficulty to break off 
 a match, when the lady was only anxious to get rid of me. 
 
 This affair must never come to their ears, or I am ruined ; 
 and now, the sooner all negotiations are concluded the better. 
 I must obtain a meeting with Emily, acknowledge the truth 
 and justice of all her views, express my deep regret at the 
 issue of the affair, slyly hint that I have been merely playing her 
 own game back upon her ; for it would be the devil to let her 
 go off with the idea that she had singed me, yet never caught 
 fire herself ; so that we both shall draw stakes, and part 
 friends. 
 
 This valiant resolution taken, I wrote a very short note, 
 begging an interview, and proceeded to make as formidable 
 a toilet as I could for the forthcoming meeting ; before I had 
 concluded which, a verbal answer by her maid informed me 
 that " Miss Bingham was alone, and ready to receive me." 
 
 As I took my way along the corridor, I could not help 
 feeling that among all my singular scrapes and embarrassing 
 situations through life, my present mission was certainly not 
 the least ; the difficulty, such as it was, being considerably 
 increased by my own confounded amour propre, that would 
 not leave me satisfied with obtaining my liberty, if I could 
 not insist upon coming off scatheless also. In fact, I was 
 not content to evacuate the fortress, if I were not to march 
 out with all the honors of war. This feeling I neither attempt 
 to palliate nor defend. I merely chronicle it, as are too many 
 of these Confessions, as a matter of truth, yet not the less a 
 subject for sorrow. 
 
 My hand was upon the lock of the door. I stopped, hesi- 
 tated, and listened. I certainly heard something. Yes, it 
 is too true, she is sobbing. What a total overthrow to all 
 my selfish resolves, all my egotistical plans, did that slight 
 cadence give. She was crying ; her tears for the bitter pain 
 she concluded 1 was suffering mingling doubtless with sor- 
 row for her own sources of grief ; for it was clear to me that 
 whoever may have been my favored rival, the attachment 
 was either unknown to or unsanctioned by the mother. I 
 wished I had not listened ; all my determinations were com- 
 pletely routed, and as I opened the door I felt my heart 
 beating almost audibly against my side. 
 
 In a subdued half-light — tempered through the rose-colored 
 curtains, with a small Sevres cup of newly-plucked moss-roses
 
 376 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 upon the table — sat, or rather leaned, Emily Bingham, her 
 face buried in her hands, as I entered. She did not hear 
 my approach, so that I had above a minute to admire the 
 graceful character of her head, and the fine undulating curve 
 of her neck and shoulders, before I spoke. 
 
 " Miss Bingham," said I 
 
 She started — looked up — her dark blue eyes, brilliant 
 though tearful, were fixed upon me for a second, as if searching 
 my very inmost thoughts. She held out her hand, and turn- 
 ing her head aside, made room for me on the sofa beside her. 
 Strange girl, thought I, that in the very moment of breaking 
 with a man forever, puts on her most fascinating toilet, arrays 
 herself in her most bewitching manner, and gives him a re- 
 ception only calculated to turn his head, and render him ten 
 times more in love than ever. Her hand, which remained 
 still in mine, was burning as if in fever, and the convulsive 
 movement of her neck and shoulders showed me how much 
 this meeting cost her. We were both silent, till at length, 
 feeling that any chance interruption might leave us as far as 
 ever from understanding each other, I resolved to begin. 
 
 '' My dear, dear Emily," I said, "do not, I entreat of you, 
 add to the misery I am this moment enduring by letting me 
 see you thus. Whatever your wrong toward me, this is far 
 too heavy a retribution. My object was never to make you 
 wretched, if I am not to obtain the bliss to strive and make 
 you happy." 
 
 "Oh, Harry" — this was the first time she had ever so 
 called me — " how like you, to think of me — of me, at such a 
 time, as if I was not the cause of all our present unhappiness 
 — but not wilfully, not intentionally. Oh, no, no — your 
 attentions — the flattery of your notice, took me at once, and, 
 in the gratification of my self-esteem, I forgot all else. I 
 heard, too, that you were engaged to another, and believing, 
 as I did, that you were trilling with my affections, I spared 
 no effort to win yours. I confess it, 1 wished this with all 
 my soul." 
 
 "And now," said 1, "that you have gained them " — here 
 was a pretty sequel to my well matured plans ! — " and now, 
 Emily " 
 
 " But have I really done so?" said she, hurriedly turning 
 round, and fixing her large full eyes upon me, while one of 
 her hands played convulsively through my hair — " have I 
 your heart — your whole heart ? "
 
 //a kk J • L or re q i ■/■: a: 377 
 
 "Can you doubt it, dearest ? " said I, passionately pressing 
 her to my bosom ; and at the same time muttering, " What 
 the devil's in the wind now; we are surely going to patch up 
 our separation and make love in earnest." 
 
 There she lay, her head upon my shoulder, her long, 
 brown, waving ringlets falling loosely across my face and on 
 my bosom, her hand in mine. What were her thoughts I 
 cannot guess ; mine, God forgive me, were a fervent wish 
 either for her mother's appearance, or that the hotel would 
 suddenly take fire, or some other extensive calamity arise to 
 put the finishing stroke to this embarrassing situation. 
 
 None of these, however, were destined to occur ; and Emily 
 lay still and motionless as she was, scarce seeming to breathe, 
 and pale as death. " What can this mean ? " said I ; " surely 
 this is not the usual way to treat with a rejected suitor; if it 
 be, why then, by Jupiter, the successful one must rather have 
 the worst of it ; and I fervently hope that Lady Jane be not 
 at this moment giving his conge to some disappointed swain." 
 She slowly raised her long, black-fringed eyelids, and looked 
 into my face, with an expression at once so tender and so 
 plaintive, that I felt a struggle within myself whether to press 
 her to my heart, or — what the deuce was the alternative. I 
 hope my reader knows, for I really do not. " And after all," 
 thought I, "if we are to marry, I am only anticipating a 
 little; and if not, why then a '■chaste sa/ufe,' as Winifred Jen- 
 kins calls it, she'll be none the worse for." Acting at once 
 upon this resolve, I leaned downward, and passing back her 
 ringlets from her now flushed cheek, I was startled by my 
 name, which I heard called several times in the corridor. 
 The door at the same instant was burst suddenly open, and 
 Trevanion appeared. 
 
 " Harry, Harry Lorrequer," cried he, as he entered ; then 
 suddenly checking himself, added, "A thousand, ten thousand 
 pardons. But " 
 
 " But what," cried I, passionately, forgetting all save the 
 situation of poor Emily at the moment, " what can jus- 
 tify " 
 
 " Nothing, certainly, can justify such an intrusion," said 
 Trevanion, finishing my sentence for me, " except the very 
 near danger you run this moment in being arrested. 
 O'Leary's imprudence has compromised your safety, and you 
 must leave Paris within an hour." 
 
 "Oh, Mr. Trevanion," said Emily, who by this time had
 
 37S hanky LdRkEQVM. 
 
 regained a more befitting attitude, "pray speak out; what is 
 it? — is Harry — is Mr. Lorrequer, I mean, in any danger?" 
 
 "Nothing of consequence, Miss Bingham, if he only act 
 with prudence, and be guided by his friends. Lorrequer, 
 you will find me in your apartments in half an hour — till 
 then, adieu." 
 
 While Emily poured forth question after question, as to 
 the nature and extent of my present difficulty, I could not 
 help thinking of the tact by which Trevanion escaped, leav- 
 ing me to make my adieu to Emily as best I might ; for 1 
 saw in a glance that I must leave Paris at once. 1 therefore 
 briefly gave her to understand the affair at the salon — which 
 I suspected to be the cause of the threatened arrest ; and 
 was about to profess my unaltered and unalterable attach- 
 ment, when she suddenly stopped me. 
 
 " No, Air. Lorrequer, no. All is over between us. We 
 must never meet again — never. We have been both playing 
 a part. Good-bye — good-bye ; do not altogether forget me — 
 and once more, Harry, good-bye." 
 
 What I might have said, thought, or done, I know not ; 
 but the arrival of Mrs. Bingham's carriage at the door left 
 no time for anything but escape. So once more pressing her 
 hand firmly to my lips, I said — " Au revoir, Emily, au revoir, 
 not good-bye," and rushing from the room, regained my own, 
 just as Mrs. Bingham reached the corridor. 
 
 CHAPTER XL! I. 
 
 MR. O'LEAKV'S CAPTURE. 
 
 Does she really care for me ? was my first question to 
 myself as I left the room. Is this story about pre-engaged 
 affections merely a got-up thing, to try the force of ray 
 attachment for her ? fur, if not, her conduct is most inexpli- 
 cable : and great as my experience has been in such affairs, 
 I avow myself out-maneeuvred. While I thought over this 
 difficulty, Trevanion came up, and in a few words informed 
 me more fully upon what he had hinted at before. It 
 appeared that O'Leary, much more alive to the imperative 
 necessity of avoiding detection by his spouse, than of involv- 
 ing himself with the police, had thrown out most dark and
 
 HARR V L ORREQ UER. 379 
 
 mysterious hints in the hotel as to the reason of his residence 
 at Paris ; fully impressed with the idea that, to be a good 
 Pole, he need only talk " revolutionary ;" devote to the 
 powers below all kings, czars, and kaisers ; weep over the 
 wrongs of his nation ; wear rather seedy habiliments, and 
 smoke profusely. The latter were with him easy conditions, 
 and he so completely acted the former to the life, that he had 
 been that morning arrested in the Tuileries gardens, under 
 several treasonable charges — among others, the conspiracy, 
 with some of his compatriots, to murder the minister of war. 
 
 However laughable such an accusation against poor 
 O'Leary, one circumstance rendered the matter anything but 
 ludicrous. Although he must come off free of this grave 
 offence, yet the salon transaction would necessarily now 
 become known ; I should be immediately involved, and my 
 departure from Paris prevented. 
 
 " So," said Trevanion, as he briefly laid before me the 
 difficulty of my position, " you may perceive that, however 
 strongly your affections may be engaged in a certain quarter, 
 it is quite as well to think of leaving Paris without delay. 
 O' Leary's arrest will be followed by yours, depend upon it ; 
 and once under the surveillance of the police, escape is im- 
 possible." 
 
 " But seriously, Trevanion," said I, nettled at the tone of 
 raillery he spoke in, "you must see that there is nothing 
 whatever in that business. I was merely taking my farewell 
 of the fair Emily. Her affections have been long since 
 engaged, and I " 
 
 " Only endeavoring to support her in her attachment to 
 the more favored rival. Is it not so ? " 
 
 " Come, no quizzing. Faith, I began to feel very uncom- 
 fortable about parting with her the moment that I discovered 
 that I must do so." 
 
 " So I guessed," said Trevanion, with a dry look, " from 
 the interesting scene I so abruptly trespassed upon. But 
 you are right, a little bit of tendresse is never misplaced, so 
 long as the object is young, pretty, and, still more than all, 
 disposed for it." 
 
 " Quite out ; but perfectly mistaken, believe me. Emily 
 not only never cared for me, but she has gone far enough to 
 tell me so." 
 
 "Then, from all I know of such matters," replied he, "you 
 Were both in a very fair way to repair that mistake on her part.
 
 380 HARK Y LORREQUER. 
 
 But hark ! what is this ? " A tremendous noise in the street 
 here interrupted our colloquy, and on opening the window a 
 strange scene presented itself to our eyes. In the middle of 
 a dense mass of moving rabble, shouting, yelling, and scream- 
 ing with all their might, were two gendarmes with a prisoner 
 between them. The unhappy man was followed by a rather 
 well-dressed, middle-aged-looking woman, who appeared to 
 be desirous of bestowing the most coram publico endearments 
 upon the culprit, who a second glance showed us was O'Leary. 
 
 " I tell you, my dear madam, you are mistaken," said 
 O'Leary, addressing her with great sternness of manner and 
 voice. 
 
 " Mistaken ! never, never ! How could I ever be mistaken 
 in that dear voice, those lovely eyes, that sweet little nose ? " 
 
 " Take her away ; she's deranged," said O'Leary to the 
 gendarmes. " Sure, if I'm a Pole, that's enough of mis- 
 fortune." 
 
 " I'll follow him to the end of the earth, I will." 
 
 " I'm going to the galleys, God be praised, "said O'Leary. 
 
 "To the galleys — to the guillotine — anywhere," responded 
 she, throwing herself upon his neck, much less, as it seemed, 
 to his gratification than that of the mob, who laughed and 
 shouted most uproariously. 
 
 " Mrs. Ram, ain't you ashamed ? " 
 
 " He calls me by my name," said she, " and he attempts 
 to disown me. Ha ! ha ! ha ! " and immediately fell off 
 into a strong paroxysm of kicking, and pinching, and punch- 
 ing the by-standers, a malady well known under the name of 
 hysterics ; but being little more than a privileged mode, among 
 certain ladies, of paying off some scores, which it is not 
 thought decent to do in their more sober moments. 
 
 " Lead me away — anywhere — convict me of what you like," 
 said he, "-but don't let her follow me." 
 
 The gendarmes, who little comprehended the nature of the 
 scene before them, were not sorry to anticipate a renewal of 
 it on Mrs. Ram's recovery, and accordingly seized the oppor- 
 tunity to march on with O'Leary, who turned the corner of 
 the Rue Rivoli, under a shower of " meurtriers " and "scele- 
 rats " from the mob, that fell, fortunately, most unconsciously 
 upon his ears. 
 
 The possibility of figuring in such a procession contributed 
 much to the force of Trevanion's reasonings, and I resolved 
 to leave Paris at once,
 
 HA RR Y L ORREQ UER. 38 1 
 
 " Promise me, then, to involve yourself in no more scrapes 
 for half an hour. Pack everything you shall want with you, 
 and, by seven o'clock, I shall be here with your passport and 
 all ready for a start." 
 
 With a beating brain, and in a whirlwind of conflicting 
 thoughts, I threw my clothes hither and thither into my 
 trunk ; Lady Jane and Emily both flitting every instant before 
 my imagination ; and frequently an irresolution to proceed 
 stopping all my preparations for departure, I sat down mus- 
 ing upon a chair, and half determined to stay where I was, 
 coute qui coi'tte. Finally, the possibility of exposure in a trial 
 had its weight. I continued my occupation till the last coat 
 was folded, and the lock turned, when I seated myself oppo- 
 site my luggage, and waited impatiently for my friend's 
 return. 
 
 ^CHAPTER XLIIJ. 
 
 THE JOURNEY. 
 
 Trevanion came at last. He had obtained my passport, 
 and engaged a carriage to convey me about eight miles, where 
 I should overtake the diligence — such a mode of travelling 
 being judged more likely to favor my escape, by attracting 
 less attention than posting. It was past ten when I left the 
 Rue St. Honore, having shaken hands with Trevanion for 
 the last time, and charged him with ten thousand soft mes- 
 sages for the " friends " I left behind me. 
 
 When I arrived in the village of St. Jacques, the diligence 
 had not come up. To pass away the time, I ordered a little 
 supper and a bottle of St. Julien. Scarcely had I seated my- 
 self to my " cotelette,'' when the rapid whirl of wheels was 
 heard" without, and a cab drew up suddenly at the door. So 
 naturally does the fugitive suspect pursuit, that my immedi- 
 ate impression was that I was followed. In this notion I 
 was strengthened by the tones of a cracked, discordant voice, 
 asking in very peculiar French if the " diligence had passed ? " 
 Being answered in the negative, he walked into the room 
 where I was, and speedily, by his appearance, removed any 
 apprehensions 1 had felt as to my safety. Nothing could less 
 resemble the tall, portly, and sturdy bearing of a gendarme,
 
 382 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 than the diminutive and dwarfish individual before me. 1 1 is 
 height could scarcely have reached five feet, of which the 
 head formed fully a fourth part ; and even this was rendered 
 in appearance still greater by a mass of loosely floating black 
 hair that fell upon his neck and shoulders, and gave him much 
 the air of a " black lion " on a sign-board. His black frock, 
 fur-collared and braided — his ill-made boots, his meerschaum 
 projecting from his breast-pocket — above all, his unwashed 
 hands, and a heavy gold ring upon his thumb — all made up 
 an ensemble of evidence that showed he could be nothing but 
 a German. His manner was bustling, impatient, and had it. 
 not been ludicrous, would certainly be considered as insolent 
 to every one about him, for he stared each person abruptly 
 in the face, and mumbled some broken expression of his 
 opinion of them half aloud in German. His comments ran 
 on : " Bon soir, monsieur," to the host; " Ein bosewicht, ganz 
 sicher " — " a scoundrel without doubt ; " and then added, still 
 lower, " Rob you here as soon as look at you." " Ah, post- 
 ilion ! comment va ? " — " much more like a brigand, after all 
 — I know which I'd take you for." " Wer fluchte frau "- 
 " how ugly the woman is." This compliment was intended 
 for the hostess, who courtesied down to the ground in her 
 ignorance. At last, approaching me, he stopped, and having 
 steadily surveyed me, muttered, " Ein echter Englander " — 
 " a thorough Englishman, always eating." 1 could not resist 
 the temptation to assure him that I was perfectly aware of his 
 flattering impression in my behalf, though 1 had speedily to 
 regret my precipitancy ; for, less mindful of the rebuke than 
 pleased at finding some one who understood German, he drew 
 his chair beside me, and entered into conversation. 
 
 Every one has surely felt, some time or other in life, the 
 insufferable annoyance of having his thoughts and reflections 
 interfered with and broken in upon by the vulgar imperti- 
 nence and egotism of some " bore," who, mistaking your 
 abstraction for attention, and your despair for delight, inflicts 
 upon you his whole life and adventures, when your own im- 
 mediate destinies are perhaps vacillating in the scale. 
 
 Sik h a doom was now mine ! Occupied as I was by the 
 hope of the future, and my fears lest any impediment to my 
 escape should blast my prospects forever, I preferred appear- 
 ing to pay attention to this confounded fellow's " personal 
 narrative," lest his questions, turning on my own affairs, 
 might excite suspicions as to the reasons of my journey.
 
 II A RR Y LdRREQ I T ER. 38 j 
 
 I longed most ardently for the arrival of the diligence, 
 trusting that, with true German thrift, my friend might prefer 
 the cheapness of the " interieure " to the magnificence of 
 the " coupe," and that thus I should see no more of him. 
 But in this pleasing hope I was destined to be disappointed, 
 for I was scarcely seated in my place when I found him be- 
 side me. The third occupant of this " privileged den," as 
 well as my lamp-light survey of him permitted, afforded noth- 
 ing to build on as a compensation for the German. He was 
 a tall, lanky, lantern- jawed man, with a hook nose and pro- 
 jecting chin ; his hair, which had only been permitted to 
 grow very lately, formed that curve upon his forehead we see 
 in certain old-fashioned horse-shoe wigs ; his compressed lip 
 and hard features gave the expression of one who had seen 
 a good deal of the world, and didn't think better of it in con- 
 sequence. I observed that he listened to the few words we 
 spoke while getting in with some attention, and then, like a 
 person who did not comprehend the language, turned his 
 shoulder toward us, and soon fell asleep. I was now left to 
 the " tender mercies " of my talkative companion, who cer- 
 tainly spared me not. Notwithstanding my vigorous resolves 
 to turn a deaf ear to his narratives, I could not avoid learn- 
 ing that he was the director of music to some German prince 
 — that he had been to Paris to bring out an opera, which 
 having, as he said, a " succes pyramidal," he was about to 
 repeat in Strasbourg. He further informed me that a de- 
 pute from Alsace had obtained for him a government permis- 
 sion to travel with the courier; but that he being " social " 
 withal, and noways proud, preferred the democracy of the 
 diligence to the solitary grandeur of the caleche (for which 
 heaven confound him ! ), and thus became my present com- 
 panion. 
 
 Music, in all its shapes and forms, made up the staple of 
 the little man's talk. There was scarcely an opera or an over- 
 ture from Mozart to Donizetti that he did not insist upon 
 singing a scene from ; and wound up all by a very pathetic 
 lamentation over English insensibility to music, which he in 
 great part attributed to our having only one opera, which he 
 kindly informed me was " Bob et Joan." However indis- 
 posed to check the current of his loquacity by any effort of 
 mine, I could not avoid the temptation to translate for him 
 a story which Sir Walter Scott once related to me, and was so 
 far apropos, as conceiving my own sense of the merits of our
 
 3S4 //./A' A')' LORRl'XHl'.K. 
 
 national music, such as we have it. by its associations with 
 scenes, and persons, and places we are all familiar with, 
 however unintelligible to the ear of a stranger. 
 
 A young French vicomte was fortunate enough to obtain 
 in marriage the hand of a singularly pretty Scotch heiress 
 of an old family and good fortune, who, amongst her other 
 endowments, possessed a large old-fashioned house, in a 
 remote district of the Highlands, where her ancestors had 
 resided for centuries. Thither the young couple repaired to 
 pass the honeymoon ; the enamored bridegroom gladly avail- 
 ing himself of the opportunity to ingratiate himself with his 
 new connection, by adopting the seclusion he saw practised 
 by the English on such occasions. However consonant to 
 our notions of happiness, and however conducive to our en- 
 joyment this custom be — and I have strong doubts upon the 
 subject — it certainly prospered ill with the volatile French- 
 man, who pined for Paris, its cafes, its boulevards, its mai- 
 sons de jeu, and its soirees. His days were passed in look- 
 ing from the deep and narrow windows of some oak-framed 
 room upon the bare and heath-clad moors, or watching the 
 clouds' shadows as they passed across the dark pine trees 
 that closed the distance. 
 
 Ennuyee to death, and convinced that he had sacrificed 
 enough and more than enough to the barbarism which de- 
 manded such a siyoiir, he was sitting one evening listlessly 
 upon the terrace in front of the house, plotting a speedy 
 escape from his gloomy abode and meditating upon the life 
 of pleasure that awaited him, when the discordant twang of 
 some savage music broke upon his ear, and roused him from 
 his reverie. The wild scream and fitful burst of a Highland 
 pibroch is certainly not the most likely thing in nature to 
 allay the irritable and ruffled feelings of an irascible person 
 — unless, perhaps, the hearer eschew breeches. So thought 
 the vicomte. He started hurriedly up, and straight before 
 him, upon the gravel-walk, beheld the stalwart figure and 
 bony frame of an old Highlander, blowing with all his lungs 
 the " Gathering of the Clans." With all the speed he could 
 muster, he rushed into the house, and, calling his servants, 
 ordered them to expel the intruder, and drive him at once 
 outside the demesne. When the mandate was made known 
 to the old piper, it was with the greatest difficulty he could be 
 brought to comprehend it — for, time out of mind, his approach 
 had been hailed with every demonstration of rejoicing; and
 
 II A RR \ ' L ORREQ L 'ER. j S t 
 
 —but no ; the thing was impossible — there must be a mis- 
 take somewhere. He was accordingly about to recommence, 
 when a second and stronger hint suggested to him that it 
 were safer to depart. " Maybe the ' carl ' did na like the 
 pipes," said the Highlander musingly, a^s he packed them 
 up for his march. " Maybe he did na like me ; perhaps, too, 
 he was na in the good humor of music." He paused for an 
 instant as if reflecting — not satisfied, probably, that he had 
 hit upon the true solution — when suddenly his eye brightened, 
 his lip curled, and, fixing a look upon the angry Frenchman, he 
 said — " Maybe ye are right enow — ye heard them ower muckle 
 at Waterloo to like the skirl o' them ever since ; " with which 
 satisfactory explanation, made in no spirit of bitterness or 
 raillery, but in the simple belief that he had at last hit the 
 mark of the vicomte's antipathy, the old man gathered up his 
 plaid and departed. 
 
 However disposed I might have felt toward sleep, the little 
 German resolved I should not obtain any, for when for half 
 an hour together I would preserve a rigid silence, he, nowise 
 daunted, had recourse to some German " lied," which he 
 gave forth with an energy of voice and manner that must 
 have aroused every sleeper in the diligence ; so that, fain to 
 avoid this, I did my best to keep him on the subject of his 
 adventures, which, as a man of successful gallantry, were 
 manifold indeed. Wearying at last, even of this subordinate 
 part, I fell into a kind of half-doze. The words of a student 
 song he continued to sing without ceasing for above an hour 
 — being the last waking thought on my memory. 
 
 Less as a souvenir of the singer than a specimen of its 
 class, I give here a rough translation of the well-known 
 Biirschen melody called 
 
 THE POPE. 
 
 The Pope he leads a happy life, 
 He fears not married care nor strife, 
 He drinks the best of Rhenish wine — 
 I would the Pope's gay lot were mine. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 He drinks the best of Rhenish wine — 
 I would the Pope's gay lot were mine. 
 25
 
 3 8 I i HA RR Y Li >A'A'A\ > I T ER 
 
 But then all happy' s not his life, 
 He has not maid nor blooming wife, 
 Nor child has he to raise his hope — 
 I would not wish to be the Pope. 
 
 The Sultan better pleases me, 
 His is a life of jollity ; 
 I lis wives are many as his will — 
 I would the Sultan's throne then fill 
 
 IV. 
 
 But even he's a wretched man, 
 
 He must obey his Alcoran ; 
 
 And dares not drink one drop of wine- 
 
 I would not change his lot for mine. 
 
 So, then, I'll hold my lowly stand, 
 And live in German Yaterland ; 
 I'll kiss my maiden fair and fine, 
 And drink the best of Rhenish wine. 
 
 Whene'er my maiden kisses me, 
 I'll think that I the Sultan be ; 
 And when my cheery glass I tope 
 I'll fancy then I am the Pope. 
 
 CHAPTER XLIV. 
 
 THE JOURNEY. 
 
 It was with a feeling of pleasure I cannot explain that I 
 awoke in the morning and found myself upon the road. The 
 turmoil, the bustle, the never-ending difficulties of my late 
 life in Paris had so over-excited and worried me that I 
 could neither think nor reflect. Now all these cares and 
 troubles were behind me, and I felt like a liberated prisoner 
 as I looked upon the gray dawn of the coming day, as it 
 gradually melted from its dull and leaden tint to the pink 
 and yellow hue of the rising sun. The broad and ri( hly- 
 colored plains of " la belle France " were before me — and it is
 
 IIAKK Y L ORKEQ UEK. 387 
 
 " la belle France," however inferior to parts of England in 
 rural beauty — the large tracts of waving yellow corn, undulat- 
 ing like a sea in the morning breeze — the interminable 
 reaches of forest, upon which the shadows played and flitted, 
 deepening the effect and mellowing the mass, as we see 
 them in Ruysdael's pictures — while now and then some tall- 
 gabled, antiquated chateau, with its mutilated terrace and 
 dowager-like air of by-gone grandeur, would peep forth at the 
 end of some long avenue of lime trees, all having their own 
 features of beauty — and a beauty with which every object 
 around harmonizes well. The sluggish peasant, in his blouse 
 and striped night-cap — the heavily caparisoned horse, shak- 
 ing his head amidst a Babel-tower of gaudy worsted tassels 
 and brass bells — the deeply laden wagon, creeping slowly 
 along — are all in keeping with a scene, where the very 
 mist that rises from the valley seems indolent and lazy, 
 and unwilling to impart the rich perfume of verdure with 
 which it is loaded. Every land has its own peculiar 
 character of beauty. The glaciered mountain, the Alpine 
 peak, the dashing cataract of Switzerland and the Tyrol, are 
 not finer in their way than the long flat moorlands of a 
 Flemish landscape, with its clump of stunted willows cluster- 
 ing over some limpid brook, in which the oxen are standing 
 for shelter from the noon-day heat — while lower down, some 
 rude water-wheel is mingling its sounds with the summer 
 bees and the merry voices of the miller and his companions. 
 So strayed my thoughts as the German shook me by the 
 arm, and asked if " I were not ready for my breakfast ? " 
 Luckily, to this question there is rarely but the one answer. 
 Who is not ready for his breakfast when on the road ? How 
 delightful, if on the Continent, to escape from the narrow 
 limits of the dungeon-like diligence, where you sit with your 
 knees next your collar-bone, fainting with heat and suffocated 
 by dust, and find yourself suddenly beside the tempting 
 plats of a little French dejeuner, with its cutlets, its fried 
 fish, its poulet, its salad, and its little entree of fruit, tempered 
 with a not despicable bottle of Beaume. If in England, the 
 exchange is nearly as grateful — for though our travelling be 
 better, and our equipages less genante, still it is no small 
 alternative from the stage-coach to the inn-parlor, redolent of 
 aromatic black tea, eggs, and hot toast, with a hospitable 
 sideboard of red, raw sirloins and York hams, that would 
 make a Jew's mouth water. While in America the change
 
 388 //- / A'A' Y Li. )RREQUER. 
 
 is greatest of all, as any one can vouch for who has been 
 suddenly emancipated from the stove-heat of a " nine inside " 
 leathern " conveniency," bumping ten miles an hour over a 
 corduroy road, the company smoking, if not worse ; to the 
 ample display of luxurious viands displayed upon the break- 
 fast table, where, with buffalo steaks, pumpkin pie, gin cock- 
 tail, and other aristocratically called temptations, he must 
 be indeed fastidious who cannot employ his half hour. Pity 
 it is, when there is so much good to eat that people will not 
 partake of it like civilized beings, and with that air of cheer- 
 ful thankfulness that all other nations more or less express 
 when enjoying the earth's bounties. But true it is, that there 
 is a spirit of discontent in the Yankee that seems to accept of 
 benefits with a tone of dissatisfaction, if not distrust. I once 
 made this remark to an excellent friend of mine, now no more, 
 who, however, would not permit of my attributing this feature 
 to the Americans exclusively, adding, " Where have you more 
 of this than in Ireland ? and surely you would not call the Irish 
 ungrateful ? " He illustrated his first remark by the follow- 
 ing short anecdote : 
 
 The rector of the parish my friend lived in was a man 
 who added to the income he derived from his living a very 
 handsome private fortune, which he devoted entirely to the 
 benefit of the poor around him. Among the objects of his 
 bounty, one old woman, a childless widow, was remarkably 
 distinguished. Whether commiserating her utter helpless- 
 ness or her complete isolation, he went further to relieve her 
 than to many, if not all, the other poor. She frequently 
 was in the habit of pleading her poverty as a reason for not 
 appearing in church among her neighbors; and he gladly 
 seized an opportunity of so improving her condition, that 
 on this score at least no impediment existed. When all his 
 little plans for her comfort had been carried into execution, 
 he took the opportunity one day of dropping in, as if acci- 
 dentally, to speak to her. by degrees he led to the subject 
 of her changed condition in life — the alteration from a cold, 
 damp, smoky hovel to a warm, clean, slated house — the 
 cheerful garden before the door, that replaced the mud-heap 
 and the duck-pool — and all the other happy changes which 
 a few weeks had effected. And lie then asked, did she not 
 
 feel grateful to a bountiful Providence that had showered 
 down so many blessings upon her head ? 
 
 " Ah, troth, it's thrue for yer honor, I am grateful," she
 
 HARRY LORREQUBR. 389 
 
 replied, in a whining, discordant tone, which astonished the 
 worthy parson. 
 
 " ( )f course you are, my good woman, of course you are 
 — but I mean to say — don't you feel that every moment you 
 live is too short to express your thankfulness to this kind 
 Providence for what he has done ? " 
 
 " Ah, darlin', it's all thrue, he's very good, he's mighty 
 kind, so he is." 
 
 " Why, then, not acknowledge it in a different manner ? " 
 said the parson, with some heat — " has he not housed you, 
 and fed you, and clothed you ? " 
 
 " Yes, alanah, he done it all." 
 
 " Well, where is your gratitude for all these mercies ? " 
 
 " Ah, sure if he did," said the old crone, roused at length 
 by the importunity of the questioner — " sure if he did, doesn't 
 he take it out of me in the corns / " 
 
 CHAPTER XLV. 
 
 A REMINISCENCE OF THE EAST. 
 
 The breakfast-table assembled around it the three gen- 
 erations of men who issued from the three subdivisions of 
 the diligence, and presented that motley and mixed assem- 
 blage of ranks, ages, and countries, which forms so very 
 amusing a part of a traveller's experience. 
 
 First came the " haute aristocratie " of the coupe, then 
 the middle class of the inte'rieure, and lastly, the tiers etat 
 of the rotonde, with its melange of Jew money-lenders, 
 under-omcers and their wives, a Norman nurse with a high 
 cap and a red jupe ; while, to close the procession, a Ger- 
 man student descended from the roof, with a beard, a blouse, 
 and a meerschaum. Of such materials was our party 
 made up ; and yet, differing in all our objects and interests, 
 we speedily amalgamated into a very social state of intimacy, 
 and chatted away over our breakfast with much good humor 
 and gayety, each person of the number seeming pleased 
 at the momentary opportunity of finding a new listener, save 
 my tall companion of the coupe. He preserved a clogged 
 silence, unbroken by even a chance expression to the waiter,
 
 390 II A RR Y I ORREQ UER. 
 
 who observed his wants, and supplied them by a species of 
 quick instinct, evidently acquired by practice. As I could 
 not help feeling somewhat interested about the hermit-like 
 attachment he evinced for solitude, I watched him narrowly 
 for some time, and at length, as the rati made its appear- 
 ance before him, after he had helped himself and tasted it, 
 he caught my eye fixed upon him, and looking at me intently 
 for a few seconds, he seemed to be satisfied in some passing 
 doubt he labored under, as he said, with a most peculiar 
 shake of the head, " No mangez, no mangez, cela." 
 
 " Ah," said I, detecting in my friend's French his English 
 origin, "you are an Englishman, I find." 
 
 " The devil a doubt of it, darlin', " said he, half testily. 
 
 " An Irishman, too — still better," said I. 
 
 " Why, then, isn't it strange that my French always shows 
 me to be English, and my English proves me Irish ? It's 
 lucky for me there's no going further, anyhow." 
 
 Delighted to have thus fallen upon a " character," as the 
 Irishman evidently appeared, I moved my chair toward his ; 
 and finding, however, he was not half pleased at the manner 
 in which my acquaintance had been made with him, and 
 knowing his country's susceptibility of being taken by a 
 story, I resolved to make my advances by narrating a cir- 
 cumstance which had once befallen me in my early life. 
 
 Our countrymen, English, and Irish, travel so much now- 
 adays, that one ought never to feel surprised at finding them 
 anywhere. The instance I am about to relate will verify, to 
 a certain extent, the fact, by showing that no situation is too 
 odd or too unlikely to be within the verge of calculation. 
 
 When the ioth Foot, to which I then belonged, were at 
 Corfu, I obtained, with three other officers, a short leave of 
 absence, to make a hurried tour of the Morea, and take a 
 passing glance at Constantinople — in those days much less 
 frequently visited by travellers than at present. 
 
 After rambling pleasantly about for some weeks, we were 
 about to return, when we determined that before sailing we 
 should accept an invitation some officers of the " Dwarf " 
 frigate, then stationed there, had given us, to pass a day at 
 Pera, and picnic in the mountain. 
 
 One fine, bright morning was therefore selected — a most 
 appetizing little dinner being carefully packed up — we set out, 
 a party of fourteen, upon our excursion. 
 
 The weather was glorious and the scene far finer than any
 
 HARRY I.ORREQUKR. 391 
 
 of us had anticipated — the view from the mountain extending 
 over the entire city, gorgeous in the rich coloring of its domes 
 and minarets ; while, at one side, the Golden Horn was visible, 
 crowded with ships of every nation, and, at the other, a 
 glimpse might be had of the Sea of Marmora, blue and 
 tranquil as it lay beneath. The broad bosom of the Bos- 
 phorus was sheeted out like a map before us — peaceful, yet 
 bustling with life and animation. Here lay the union-jack 
 of old England, floating beside the lilies of France — we speak 
 of times when lilies were and barricades were not — the tall 
 and taper spars of a Yankee frigate towering above the low 
 timbers and heavy hull of a Dutch schooner — the gilded poop 
 and curved galleries of a Turkish three-decker, anchored 
 beside the raking mast and curved deck of a suspicious-look- 
 ing craft, whose red-capped and dark-visaged crew needed 
 not the naked creese at their sides to bespeak them Malays. 
 The whole was redolent of life, and teeming with food for 
 one's fancy to conjure from. 
 
 While we were debating upon the choice of a spot for our 
 luncheon, which should command the chief points of view 
 within our reach, one of the party came to inform us that he 
 had just discovered the very thing we were in search of. It 
 was a small kiosk, built upon a projecting rock that looked 
 down upon the Bosphorus and the city, and had evidently, 
 from the extended views it presented, been selected as the 
 spot to build upon. The building itself was a small octagon, 
 open on every side, and presenting a series of prospects, 
 land and seaward, of the most varied and magnificent kind. 
 
 Seeing no one near, nor any trace of habitation, we resolved 
 to avail ourselves of the good taste of the founder ; and 
 speading out the contents of our hampers, proceeded to 
 discuss a most excellent cold dinner. When the good things 
 had disappeared, and the wine began to circulate, one of the 
 party observed that we should not think of enjoying ourselves 
 before we had filled a bumper to the brim, to the health of 
 our good king, whose birthday it chanced to be. Our 
 homeward thoughts and loyalty uniting, we filled our glasses, 
 and gave so hearty a " hip, hip, hurrah," to our toast, that I 
 doubt if the echoes of those old rocks ever heard the equal 
 of it. 
 
 Scarcely was the last cheer dying away in the distance, when 
 the door of the kiosk opened, and a negro, dressed in white 
 muslin, appeared, his arms and ankles bearing those huge
 
 392 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 rings of massive gold which only persons of rank distinguish 
 tluir servants by. 
 
 After a most profound obeisance to the party he explained, 
 in very tolerable French, that his master, the Effendi, Ben 
 Mustapha Al Halak, at whose charge (in house rent) we were 
 then feasting, sent us greeting, and begged that, if not con- 
 sidered as contrary to our usages, etc., we should permit him 
 and his suite to approach the kiosk and observe us at our 
 meal. 
 
 Independent of his politeness in the mode of conveying 
 the request, as he would prove fully as entertaining a sight 
 to us as we could possibly be to him, we immediately ex- 
 pressed our great willingness to receive his visit, coupled 
 with a half hint that perhaps he might honor us by joining 
 the party. 
 
 After a half hour's delay, the door was once more thrown 
 open, and a venerable old Turk entered ; he salaamed three 
 times most reverently, and motioned to us to be seated, declin- 
 ing at the same time, by a gentle gesture of his hand, our 
 invitation. He was followed by a train of six persons, all 
 splendidly attired, and attesting, by their costume and man- 
 ner, the rank and importance of their chief. Conceiving 
 that his visit had but one object — to observe our convivial 
 customs — we immediately reseated ourselves, and filled our 
 glasses. 
 
 As one after another of the officers of the effendi's house- 
 hold passed round the apartments, we offered them a goblet 
 of champagne, which they severally declined, with a polite 
 but solemn smile — all except one, a large, savage-looking 
 Turk, with a most ferocious scowl, and the largest black 
 beard I ever beheld. He did not content himself with a 
 mute refusal of our offer, but, stopping suddenly, he raised 
 up his hands above his head, and muttered some words in 
 Turkish, which one of the party informed us was a very 
 satisfactory recommendation of the whole company to Satan 
 for their heretic abomination. 
 
 The procession moved slowly round the room, and when 
 it reached the door again retired, each member of it salaaming 
 three times as they had done on entering. Scarcely had 
 they gone, when we burst into a loud fit of laughter at the 
 savage-looking fellow who thought proper to excommunicate 
 us, and were about to discuss his more than common appear- 
 ance of disgust at our proceedings, when, again the door
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 393 
 
 opened, and a turbaned head peeped in, but so altered were the 
 features, that although seen but the moment before, we could 
 hardly believe them the same. The dark complexion — the 
 long and bushy beard were there — but instead of the sleepy 
 and solemn character of the oriental, with heavy eye and 
 closed lip, there was a droll, half devilry in the look, and 
 partly-opened mouth, that made a most laughable contrast 
 with the head-dress. He looked stealthily around him for 
 an instant, as if to see that all was right, and then, with an 
 accent and expression I shall never forget, said, " I'll taste 
 your wine, gentlemen, av it be pleasing to ye" 
 
 CHAPTER XLVI. 
 
 A DAY IN THE PHCENIX. 
 
 When we were once more in the coupe of the diligence, I 
 directed my entire attention toward my Irish acquaintance, 
 as well because of his apparent singularity, as to avoid the 
 little German in the opposite corner. 
 
 "You have not been long in France, then, sir ? " said I, as 
 we resumed our conversation. 
 
 " Three weeks, and it seems like three years to me — noth- 
 ing to eat — nothing to drink — and nobody to speak to. But 
 I'll go back soon — I only came abroad for a month." 
 
 " You'll scarcely see much of the Continent in so short a 
 time." 
 
 " Devil a much that will grieve me — I didn't come to see 
 it." 
 
 " Indeed ! " 
 
 " Nothing of the kind ; I only came to be away from home." 
 
 " Oh ! I perceive." 
 
 " You're quite out there," said my companion, misinterpret- 
 ing my meaning. " It wasn't anything of that kind. I don't 
 owe sixpence. I was laughed out of Ireland — that's all, 
 though that same is bad enough." 
 
 " Laughed out of it ! " 
 
 " Just so — and little do you know of Ireland if that sur- 
 prises you." 
 
 After acknowledging that such an event was perfectly pos- 
 sible, from what I myself had seen of that country, I obtained
 
 3Q4 HARRY LORREQt 
 
 the following very brief account of my companion's reasons 
 for foreign travel. 
 
 "Well, sir," began he, " it is about four months since I 
 brought up to Dublin from Gal way a little chestnut mare, 
 with cropped ears, and a short tail, square-jointed, and rather 
 low — just what you'd call a smart hack for going to cover 
 with — a lively thing on the road with a light weight. Nobody 
 i ver suspected that she was a clean-bred thing — own sister 
 to Jenny, that won the Corinthians, and ran second to Giles 
 for the Riddlesworth — but so she was, and a better bred mafe 
 never leaped the pound in Ballinasloe. Well, I brought her 
 to 1 hiblin, and used to ride her out two or three times a week, 
 making little matches, sometimes to trot — and, for a thorough- 
 bred, she was a clipper at trotting — to trot a mile or so on 
 the grass — another day to gallop the length of the nine acres 
 opposite the lodge — and then sometimes back her for a ten- 
 pound note, to jump the biggest furze bush that could be 
 found — all of which she could do with ease, nobody thinking 
 all the while that the cock-tailed pony was out of Scroggins, 
 by a ' Lamplighter mare.' As every fellow that was beat to- 
 day was sure to comeback to-morrow, with something better, 
 either of his own or a friend's, I had matches booked for 
 every day in the week — for 1 always made my little boy that 
 rode win by half a neck or a nostril, and so we kept on 
 day after day pocketing from ten to thirty pounds, or there- 
 abouts. 
 
 " it was mighty pleasant while it lasted, for besides win- 
 ning the money, I had my own fun laughing at the spoonies 
 thai never could book my bets fast enough. Young infantry 
 officers and the junior bar — they were for the most part mighty 
 nil e to look at, but very raw about racing. How long I might 
 have gone on in this way I cannot say \ but one morning I 
 fell in with a fat elderly gentleman, in shorts and gaiters, 
 mounted on a dun cob pony, that was very fidgety and hot- 
 tempered and appeared to give the rider a great deal of un- 
 easiness. 
 
 "' lie's a spicy hack you're on, sir,' said I, 'and has a go 
 in him, I'll be bound.' 
 
 '• " I rayther think he has,' said the old gentleman, half 
 testily. 
 
 •••And can trol a bit, too ? ' 
 
 "'Twelve trish miles in fifty minutes, with my weight.' 
 Here he looked down at a paunch like a sugar hogshead.
 
 HARRY LORRl Qt/ER. 395 
 
 " ' Maybe he's not bad across a country,' said I, rather to 
 humor the old fellow, who, I saw, was proud of his pony. 
 
 "'I'd like to see his match, that's all.' Here he gave a 
 rather contemptuous glance at my hack. 
 
 " Well, one word led to another, and it ended at last in our 
 booking a match, with which one party was no less pleased 
 than the other. It was this: each was to ride his own horse, 
 starting from the school in the Park round the Fifteen Acres, 
 outside the Monument, and back to the start — just one heat, 
 about a mile and a half — the ground good, and only soft 
 enough. In consideration, however, of his greater weight, I 
 was to give odds in the start ; and as we could not well agree 
 on how much, it was at length decided that he was to get 
 away first, and I to follow as fast as I could, after drinking 
 a pewter quart full of Guinness's double stout — droll odds, 
 you'll say, but it was the old fellow's own thought, and as the 
 match was a soft one, I let him have his way. 
 
 " The next morning the Phoenix was crowded as if for a 
 review. There were all the Dublin notorieties swarming in 
 barouches, and tilburies, and outside jaunting-cars — smart 
 clerks in the post-office, mounted upon kicking devils from 
 Dycer's and Lalouette's stables — attorneys' wives and daugh- 
 ters from York Street, and a stray doctor or so on a hack that 
 looked as if it had been lectured on for the six winter months 
 at the College of Surgeons. My antagonist was half an hour 
 late, which time I occupied in booking bets on every side of 
 me, offering odds of ten, fifteen, and at last, to tempt the 
 people, twenty-five to one against the dun. At last the fat 
 gentleman came up on a jaunting-car, followed by a groom 
 leading the cob. I wish you heard the cheer that greeted 
 him on his arrival, for it appeared he was a well-known char- 
 acter in town, and much in favor with the mob. When he got 
 off the car, he bundled into a tent, followed by a few of his 
 friends, where they remained for about five minutes, at the 
 end of which he came out in full racing costume — blue and 
 yellow striped jacket, blue cap and leathers — looking as funny 
 a figure as ever you set eyes upon. I now thought it time to 
 throw off my white surtout, and show out in pink and orange, 
 the colors I had been winning in for two months past. While 
 some of the party were sent on to station themselves at differ- 
 ent places round the Fifteen Acres, to mark out the course, 
 my fat friend was assisted into his saddle, and gave a short 
 preliminary gallop of a hundred yards or so, that set us all
 
 396 HARRY LOX/tEQUER. 
 
 a-laughing. The odds were now fifty to one in my favor, and 
 I gave them wherever I could find takers. ' With you, sir, 
 if you please, in pounds, and the gentleman in the red whis- 
 kers, too, if he likes ; very well, in half sovereigns, if you 
 prefer it.' So I went on, betting on every side, till the bell 
 rung to mount. As I knew I had plenty of time to spare, I 
 took little notice, and merely giving a look to my girths, I 
 continued leisurely booking my bets. At last the time came, 
 and at the word ' Away !' off ^vent the fat gentleman on the 
 dun, at a splintering gallop, that flung the mud on every side 
 of us, and once more threw us all a-laughing. I waited pa- 
 tiently till he got near the upper end of the Park, taking bets 
 every minute ; and now that he was away, every one offered 
 to wager. At last, when I had let him get nearly half round 
 and found no more money could be had, I called out to his 
 friends for the porter, and, throwing myself into the saddle, 
 gathered up the reins in my hand. The crowd fell back on 
 each side, while from the tent I have already mentioned out 
 came a thin fellow with one eye, with a pewter quart in his 
 hand ; he lifted it up toward me, and I took it ; but what was 
 my fright to find that the porter was boiling, and the vessel 
 so hot I could barely hold it. I endeavored to drink, how- 
 ever. The first mouthful took all the skin off my lips and 
 tongue, the second half choked, and the third nearly threw 
 me into an apoplectic fit — the mob cheering all the time like 
 devils. Meantime, the old fellow had reached the furze, and 
 was going along like fun. Again I tried the porter, and a fit 
 of coughing came on that lasted five minutes. The pewter 
 was now so hot that the edge of the quart took away a piece 
 of my mouth at every effort. I ventured once more, and with 
 the desperation of a madman I threw clown the hot liquid to 
 its last drop. My head reeled — my eyes glared — and my 
 brain was on fire. I thought I beheld fifty fat gentlemen 
 galloping on every side of me, and all the sky raining jackets 
 in blue and yellow. Half mechanically I took the reins, 
 and put spurs to my horse ; but before I got well away, 
 a loud cheer from the crowd assailed me. I turned, and 
 saw the dun coming in at a floundering gallop, covered 
 with foam, and so dead blown that neither himself nor the 
 rider could have got twenty yards further. The race was, 
 however won. My odds were lost to every man on the field 
 and, worse than all, I was so laughed at, that I could not 
 venture out in the streets without hearing allusions to
 
 HA RR Y L ORREQ I T ER. 397 
 
 my misfortunes ; for a certain friend of mine, one Tom 
 O' Flaherty " 
 
 " Tom of the nth Light Dragoons ? " 
 
 " The same — you know Tom, then ? Maybe you have 
 heard him mention me — Maurice Malone ? " 
 
 " Not Mr. Malone, of Fort Peak ? " 
 
 " Bad luck to him. I am as well known in connection with 
 Fort Peak, as the duke is with Waterloo. There is not a 
 part of the globe where he has not told that confounded 
 story." 
 
 As my readers may not possibly be all numbered in Mr. 
 O'Flaherty's acquaintance, I shall venture to give the anec- 
 dote which Mr. Malone accounted to be so widely circulated. 
 
 CHAPTER XLVII. 
 
 AN ADVENTURE IN CANADA. 
 
 Toward the close of the last war with America, a small 
 detachment of military occupied the little block-house of 
 Fort Peak, which, about eight miles from the Falls of 
 Niagara, formed the last outpost on the frontier. The Fort, 
 in itself inconsiderable, was only of importance as command- 
 ing a part of the river where it was practicable to ford, and 
 where the easy ascent of the bank offered a safe situation for 
 the enemy to cross over, whenever they felt disposed to carry 
 the war into our territory. 
 
 There having been, however, no threat of invasion in this 
 quarter, and the natural strength of the position being con- 
 siderable, a mere handful of men, with two subaltern officers, 
 were allotted for this duty — such being conceived ample to 
 maintain it till the arrival of succor from headquarters, then 
 at Little York, on the opposite side of the lake. The officers 
 of this party were our old acquaintance, Tom O'Flaherty, and 
 our newly-made one, Maurice Malone. 
 
 Whatever may be the merits of commanding officers, one 
 virtue they certainly can lay small claim to— viz., any insight 
 into character, or at least any regard for the knowledge. 
 Seldom are two men sent off on detachment duty to some 
 remote quarter, to associate daily and hourly for months
 
 $9* 
 
 HARRY J.ORRE^CKK. 
 
 together, that they are not, by some happy chance, the very 
 people, who never, as the phrase is, " took to each other " 
 in their lives. The gray-headed, weather-beaten, disap- 
 pointed " Peninsular " is coupled with the essenced and 
 dandified Adonis of the corps; the man of literary tastes 
 and cultivated pursuits, with the empty-headed, ill-informed 
 youth, fresh from 1 1 arrow or Westminster. This case offered 
 no exception to the rule , for though there were few men 
 possessed of more assimilating poweis than O'Flaherty, yet 
 certainly his companion did put the faculty to the test, for 
 anything more unlike him there never existed. Tom all 
 good humor and high spirits — making the best of everything 
 — never nonplussed — never taken aback ; perfectly at home 
 whether flirting with a Lady Charlotte in her drawing-room, 
 or crossing a grouse mountain in the Highlands ; sufficiently 
 well read to talk on any ordinary topic — and always ready- 
 witted enough to seem more so. A thorough sportsman, 
 whether showing forth in the "park" at Melton, whipping 
 a trout-stream in Wales, or filling a country-house with black 
 cock and moor-fowl, an unexceptionable judge of all the 
 good things in life, from a pretty ankle to a well-hung tilbury 
 — from the odds at hazard to the "Comet vintage." Such, 
 in brief, was Tom. Now his confrere was none of these ; he 
 had been drafted from the Galway militia to the line, for 
 some election services rendered by his family to the govern- 
 ment candidate ; was of a saturnine and discontented habit ; 
 always miserable about some trifle or other, and never at 
 rest till he had drowned his spirits in Jamaica rum — which, 
 since the regiment was abroad, he had copiously used as a 
 substitute for whisky. To such an extent had this passion 
 gained upon him, that a corporal's guard was always in 
 attendance whenever he dined out, to convey him home to 
 the barracks. 
 
 The wearisome monotony of a close garrison, with so un- 
 genial a companion, would have damped any man's spirits 
 but O'Flaherty's. lie, however, upon this, as other oc- 
 casions in life, rallied himself to make the best of it; and 
 by short excurisons within certain prescribed limits along 
 the river side, contrived to shoot and fish enough to get 
 through the day, and improve the meagre fare of his mess- 
 table. Malone never appeared before dinner — his late sit- 
 tings at night requiring all the following day to recruit him 
 for a new attack upon the rum-bottle.
 
 HA RR Y L ORREQ UER. 399 
 
 Now, although his seeing so little of his brother officer was 
 anything but unpleasant to O'Flaherty, yet the ennui of such 
 a life was gradually wearing him, and all his wits were put in 
 requisition to furnish occupation for his time. Never a day 
 passed without his praying ardently for an attack from the 
 enemy ; any alternative, any reverse, had been a blessing 
 compared with his present life. No such spirit, however, 
 seemed to animate the Yankee troops ; not a soldier was to 
 be seen for miles around, and every straggler that passed the 
 Fort concurred in saying that the Americans were not within 
 four days' march of the frontier. 
 
 Weeks passed over, and the same state of things remain- 
 ing unchanged, O'Flaherty gradually relaxed some of his 
 strictness as to duty ; small foraging parties of three, and four 
 being daily permitted to leave the Fort a few hours, to which 
 they usually returned laden with wild turkeys and fish — both 
 being found in great abundance near them. 
 
 Such was the life of the little garrison for two or three long 
 summer months — each day so resembling its fellow, that no 
 difference could be found. 
 
 As to how the war was faring, or what the aspect of affairs 
 might be, they absolutely knew nothing. Newspapers never 
 reached them ; and whether from having so much occupa- 
 tion at headquarters, or that the difficulty of sending letters 
 prevented, their friends never wrote a line ; and thus they 
 jogged on, a very vegetable existence, till thought at last was 
 stagnating in their brains, and O'Flaherty half envied his 
 companion's resource in the spirit flask. 
 
 Such was the state of affairs at the Fort, when one evening 
 O'Flaherty appeared to pace the little rampart that looked 
 toward Lake Ontario, with an appearance of anxiety and im- 
 patience, strangely at variance with his daily phlegmatic 
 look. It seemed that the corporal's party he had dispatched 
 that morning to forage, near the " Falls," had not returned, 
 and already were four hours later than their time away. 
 
 Every imaginable mode of accounting for their absence 
 suggested itself to his mind. Sometime he feared that they 
 had been attacked by the Indian hunters, who were far 
 from favorably disposed toward their poaching neighbors. 
 Then, again, it might be merely that they had missed their 
 track in the forest ; or could it be that they had ventured to 
 reach Goat Island in a canoe, and had been carried down 
 the rapids ? Such were the torturing doubts that passed, as
 
 4 oo HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 some shrill squirrel or hoarse night-owl pierced the air with 
 a cry, and then all was silent again. While thus the hours 
 went slowly by. his attention was attracted by a bright light 
 in the sky. It appeared as if a part of the heavens were 
 reflecting some strong glare from beneath ; for as he looked, 
 the light, at first pale and colorless, gradually deepened into a 
 rich mellow hue, and at length, through the murky blackness 
 of the night, a strong clear current of flame rose steadily 
 upward from the earth, and pointed toward the sky. From 
 the direction, it must have been either at the Falls, or imme- 
 diately near them ; and now the horrible conviction flashed 
 upon his mind, that the party had been waylaid by the 
 Indians, who were, as is their custom, making a war feast 
 over their victims. 
 
 Not an instant was to be lost. The little garrison beat to 
 arms, and as the men fell in, O'Flaherty cast his eyes around 
 while he selected a few brave fellows to accompany him. 
 Scarcely had the men fallen out from the ranks, when the 
 sentinel at the gates was challenged by a well-known voice, 
 and in a moment more the corporal of the foraging party was 
 among them. Fatigue and exhaustion had so overcome him, 
 that for some minutes he was speechless. At length he re- 
 covered sufficiently to give the following brief account : 
 
 The little party having obtained their supply of venison 
 above Queenston, were returning to the Fort, when they 
 suddenly came upon a track of feet, and little experience 
 in forest life soon proved that some new arrivals had reached 
 the hunting-grounds, for on examining them closely, they 
 proved neither to be Indian tracks, nor yet those made by 
 the shoes of the Fort party. Proceeding with caution to 
 trace them backward for three or four miles, they reached the 
 bank of the Niagara River, above the whirlpool, where the 
 crossing is most easily effected from the American side. The 
 mystery was at once explained ; it was a surprise party of 
 the Yankees, sent to attack Fort Peak, and the only thing t:> 
 be done was to hasten back immediately to their friends, and 
 prepare for their reception. 
 
 With this intent, they took the river path as the shortest, 
 but had not proceeded far when their fears were confirmed ; 
 fur in a little embayment of the bank they perceived a party 
 of twenty blue-coats, who, with their arms piled, were lying 
 round, as if waiting for the hour of attack. The sight of this 
 party added greatly to their alarm, for they now perceived
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 401 
 
 that the Americans had divided their force — the foot-tracks 
 first seen being evidently those of another division. As the 
 corporal and his few men continued, from the low and thick 
 brushwood, to make their reconnaissance of the enemy, 
 they observed with delight that they were not regulars, but a 
 militia force. With this one animating thought, they again, 
 with noiseless step, regained the forest, and proceeded upon 
 their way. Scarcely, however, had they marched a mile, when 
 the sound of voices and loud laughter apprised them that 
 another party was near, which, as well as they could observe 
 in the increasing gloom, was still larger than the former. 
 They were now obliged to make a considerable circuit, and 
 advance still deeper into the forest, their anxiety hourly in- 
 creasing, lest the enemy should reach the Fort before them- 
 selves. In this dilemma it was resolved that the party should 
 separate — the corporal determining to proceed alone by the 
 river bank, while the others, by a detour of some miles, should 
 endeavor to learn the force of the Yankees, and, as far as 
 they could, their mode of attack. From that instant the 
 corporal knew no more ; for after two hours' weary exertion 
 he reached the Fort, which, had it been but another mile 
 distant, his strength had not held out for him to attain. 
 
 However gladly poor O' Flaherty might have hailed such 
 information under other circumstances, now it came like a 
 thunderbolt upon him. Six of his small force were away, 
 perhaps ere this made prisoners by the enemy ; the Yankees, 
 as well as he could judge, were a numerous party ; and he 
 himself totally without a single adviser — for Malone had 
 dined, and was, therefore, by this time in that pleasing state 
 of indifference, in which he could only recognize an enemy 
 in the man that did not send round the decanter. 
 
 In the half-indulged hope that his state might permit some 
 faint exercise of the reasoning faculty, O'Flaherty walked 
 toward the small den they had designated as the mess-room, 
 in search of his brother officer. 
 
 As he entered the apartment, little disposed aslie felt to 
 mirth at such a moment, the tableau before him was too 
 ridiculous not to laugh at. At one side of the fire-place sat 
 Malone, his face florid with drinking, and his eye-balls pro- 
 jecting. Upon his head was a small Indian skull-cap, with 
 two peacock feathers, and a piece of scarlet cloth which 
 hung down behind. In one hand he held a smoking goblet of 
 rum punch and in the other a long Indian chibouk pipe. 
 
 26
 
 d.02 HARRY LORRAQi ER. 
 
 Opposite to him, but squatted upon the floor, reposed a red 
 Indian, that lived in the Fort as a guide, equally drunk, but 
 preserving even in his liquor an impassive, grave aspect, 
 strangely contrasting with the high excitement of Malone's 
 face. The red man wore Malone's uniform coat, which he 
 had put on back foremost — his head-dress having in all 
 probability been exchanged for it, as an amicable courtesy 
 between the parties. There they sat, looking fixedly at 
 each other ; neither spoke nor even smiled — the rum-bottle, 
 which at brief intervals passed from one to the other, main- 
 tained a friendly intercourse that each was content with. 
 
 To the hearty fit of laughing of O'Flaherty, Malone replied 
 by a look of drunken defiance, and then nodded to his red 
 friend, who returned the courtesy. As poor Tom left the 
 room, he saw that nothing was to be hoped for in this quarter, 
 and determined to beat the garrison to arms without any fur- 
 ther delay. Scarcely had he closed the door behind him. 
 when a sudden thought flashed through his brain. He hesi- 
 tated, walked forward a few paces, stopped again, and call- 
 ing out to the corporal, said : 
 
 " You are certain they were militia ? " 
 
 "Yes, sir; quite sure." 
 
 " Then, by Jove, I have it," cried O'Flaherty. " If they 
 should turn out to be the Buffalo Fencibles, we may get 
 through this scrape better than I hoped for." 
 
 " 1 believe you are right, sir ; for I heard one of the men 
 as I passed observe, ' What will they say in Buffalo when it's 
 over ? ' " 
 
 " Send Mathers here, corporal ; and do you order four 
 rank and file, with side-arms, to be in readiness immediately." 
 
 " Mathers, you have heard the news," said O'Flaherty, as 
 the sergeant entered. " Can the fort hold out against such 
 a force as Jackson reports ? You doubt ; well, so do J ; so 
 let's see what's to be done, ("an you remember, was it not 
 the Buffalo militia that were so tremendously thrashed by 
 the Delawares last autumn ?" 
 
 •' Yes, sir, they chased them for two days and nights, and 
 had they not reached the town of Buffalo, the Delawares 
 would not have left a scalp in the regiment." 
 
 "Can you recollect the chief's name — it was Carran — ■ 
 something, eh ? " 
 
 " ( laudan-dacwagea. " 
 
 " Exactly. Where is he supposed to be now ? "
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 463 
 
 " Up in Detroit, sir, they say, but no one knows. Those 
 fellows are here to-day, and there to-morrow." 
 
 "Well, then, sergeant, here's my plan." Saying these 
 words, O'Flaherty proceeded to walk toward his quarters, 
 accompanied by the sergeant, with whom he conversed for 
 some time eagerly — occasionally replying, as it appeared, to 
 objections, and offering explanations as the other seemed 
 to require them. The colloquy lasted half an hour ; and 
 although the veteran sergeant seemed difficult of conviction, 
 it ended by his saying as he left the room : 
 
 " Well, sir, as you say, it can only come to hard knocks at 
 the worst. Here goes — I'll send off the scout party to make 
 the fires and choose the men for the out-pickets, for no time 
 is to be lost." 
 
 In about an hour's time from the scene I have mentioned, 
 a number of militia officers, of different grades, were seated 
 round a bivouac fire, upon the bank of the Niagara River. 
 The conversation seemed of an angry nature, for the voices 
 of the speakers were loud and irascible, and their gestures 
 evidenced a state of high excitement. 
 
 " I see," said one, who seemed the superior of the party — 
 " I see well where this will end. We shall have another 
 Queenston affair, as we had last fall with the Delawares." 
 
 " I only say," replied another, " that if you wish our men 
 to stand fire in the morning, the less you remind them of the 
 Delawares the better. What is that noise ? Is not that a 
 drum beating ? " 
 
 The party at these words sprung to their legs, and stood 
 in an attitude of listening for some seconds. 
 
 " Who goes there ? " sung out a sentinel from his post ; 
 and then, after a moment's delay, added, " Pass flag of truce 
 to Major Brown's quarters." 
 
 Scarcely were the words spoken, when three officers in 
 scarlet, preceded by a drummer with a white flag, stood be- 
 fore the American party. 
 
 " To whom may 1 address myself ? " said one of the British 
 ■ — who, I may inform my reader, en passant, was no other 
 than O'Flaherty. " To whom may I address myself as the 
 officer in command ? " 
 
 " I am Major Brown," said a short, plethoric little man, 
 in a blue uniform and round hat. " And who are you ? " 
 
 " Major O'Flaherty, of his majesty's 5th Foot," said Tom, 
 with a very sonorous emphasis on each word, " the bearer
 
 404 #A RRY LORR /■: < \ I '/< R. 
 
 of a fla<r of truce and an amicable proposition from Major- 
 General Allen, commanding the garrison of Fort Peak." 
 
 The Americans, who were evidently taken by surprise at 
 their intentions of attack being known, were silent, while 
 he continued : 
 
 " Gentlemen, it may appear somewhat strange that a gar- 
 rison, possessing the natural strength of a powerful position, 
 supplied with abundant ammunition and every muniment of 
 war, should dispatch a flag of truce on the eve of an attack, 
 in preference to waiting for the moment, when a sharp and 
 well-prepared reception might best attest its vigilance and 
 discipline. But the reasons for this step are soon explained. 
 In the first place, you intend a surprise. We have been long 
 aware of your projected attack. Our spies have tracked 
 you from your crossing the river above the whirlpool to your 
 present position. Every man of your party is numbered by 
 us ; and, what is still more, numbered by our allies — yes, 
 gentlemen, I must repeat it, ' allies,' though, as a Briton, I 
 blush at the word. Shame and disgrace forever be that 
 man's portion who first associated the honorable usages of 
 war with the atrocious and bloody cruelties of the savage. 
 Yet so it is : the Delawares of the hills," here the Yankees 
 exchanged very peculiar looks, "have this morning arrived 
 at Fort Peak, with orders to ravage the whole of your frontier, 
 from Fort George to Lake Erie. They brought us the in- 
 formation of your approach, and their chief is, while I speak, 
 making an infamous proposition by which a price is to be 
 paid for every scalp he produces in the morning. Now, as 
 the general cannot refuse to co-operate with the savages, 
 without compromising himself with the commander-in-chief, 
 neither can he accept of such assistance without some pangs 
 of conscience. He has taken the only course open to him r 
 he has dispatched myself and my brother officers here," 
 < rplaherty glanced at two privates dressed up in his regi- 
 mentals, " to offer you terms— — " 
 
 O'Flaherty paused when he arrived thus far, expecting 
 that the opposite party would make some reply ; but they 
 continued silent ; when, suddenly, from the dense forest 
 there rung forth a wild and savage yell, that rose and fell 
 several times, like the pibroch of the Highlander, and ended 
 at last in a loud whoop, that was echoed and re-echoed again 
 and again for several seconds after. 
 
 "Hark!" said O'Flaherty, with an accent of horror.
 
 HA RR i ' L ORREQ UER. 405 
 
 " Hark ! the war-cry of the Delawares ! The savage* are 
 eager for their prey. May it yet be time enougn to rescue 
 you from such a fate ! Time presses, our terms are these, 
 as they do not admit of discussion, and must be at once 
 accepted or rejected, to your own ear alone can I impart 
 them." 
 
 Saying which, he took Major Brown aside, and, walking 
 apart from the others, led him, by slow steps, into tint forest. 
 While O'Flaherty continued to dilate upon the .atrocities of 
 Indian war and the revengeful character of the savages, he 
 contrived to be always advancing toward the river side, till 
 at length the glare of fire was perceptible through the gloom. 
 Major Brown stopped suddenly, and pointed in the direction 
 of the flame. 
 
 "It is the Indian picket," said O'Flaherty, calmly ; "and 
 as the facts I have been detailing may be more palpable to 
 your mind, you shall see them with your own eyes. Yes, I 
 repeat it, you shall, through the cover of this brushwood, see 
 Caudan-dacwagea himself — for he is with them in person." 
 
 As O'Flaherty said this, he led Major Brown, now speech- 
 less with terror, behind a massive cork tree, from which 
 spot they could look down upon the river side, where, in a 
 small creek, sat five or six persons in blankets, and scarlet 
 head-dresses ; their faces streaked with patches of yellow and 
 red print, to which the glare of the fire lent fresh horror. In 
 the midst sat one, whose violent gestures and savage cries 
 gave him the very appearance of a demon, as he resisted 
 with all his might the efforts of the others to restrain him, 
 shouting like a maniac all the while, and struggling to rise. 
 
 " It is the chief," said O'Flaherty ; " he will wait no longer. 
 We have bribed the others to keep him quiet, if possible, a 
 little time ; but I see they cannot succeed." 
 
 A loud yell of triumph from below interrupted Tom's 
 speech : the infuriated savage, who was no other than Mr. 
 M alone, having obtained the rum-bottle, for which he was 
 fighting with all his might, his temper not being improved in 
 the struggle by occasional admonitions from the red end of 
 a cigar, applied to his naked skin by the other Indians, who 
 were his own soldiers, acting under O'Flaherty's orders. 
 
 " Now," said Tom, " that you have convinced yourself, and 
 can satisfy your brother officers, will you take your chance ? 
 or will you accept the honored terms of the general, pile 
 your arms, and retreat beyond the river before daybreak ?
 
 406 JfARRY LOkREQUER. 
 
 Your muskets and ammunition will offer a bribe to the cupid- 
 ity of the savage, and delay his pursuit till you can reach 
 some place of safety." 
 
 Major Brown heard the proposal in silence, and at last 
 determined upon consulting his brother officers. 
 
 " I have outstayed my time," said O'Flaherty, " but stop ; 
 the lives of so many are at stake, I consent." Saying which. 
 they walked on without speaking, till they arrived where the 
 others were standing around the watch-fire. 
 
 As Brown retired to consult with the officers, Tom heard 
 with pleasure how much his two companions had worked 
 upon the Yankees' fears during his absence, by details of the 
 vindictive feelings of the Delawares, and their vows to 
 annihilate the Buffalo militia. 
 
 Before five minutes they had decided. Upon a solemn 
 pledge from O'Flaherty that the terms of the compact were 
 to be observed as he stated them, they agreed to inarch with 
 their arms to the ford, where, having piled them, they were to 
 cross over, and make the best of their way home. 
 
 By sunrise the next morning all that remained of the threat- 
 ened attack on Fort Peak were the smouldering ashes of some 
 wood fires, eighty muskets piled in the Fort, and the yellow 
 ochre and red stripes that still adorned the countenance of 
 the late Indian chief but now snoring Lieutenant Maurice 
 Malone. 
 
 CHAPTER XLVIII. 
 
 THE COURIER'S PASSPORT. 
 
 A second night succeeded to the long dreary day of the 
 diligence ; and the only one agreeable reflection arose in the 
 feeling that every mile travelled was diminishing the chance 
 of pursuit, and removing me still further from that scene of 
 trouble and annoyance that was soon to furnish gossip for 
 Paris, under the title of "The Affaire O'Leary." 
 
 How he was ever to extricate himself from the numerous 
 and embarrassing difficulties of his position gave me, I con- 
 fess, less uneasiness than the uncertainty of my own fortunes. 
 Luck seemed ever to befriend Aim, me it had always accom- 
 panied far enough through life to make its subsequent deser-
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 407 
 
 tion more painful. How far I should blame myself for this, 
 I stopped not to consider, but brooded over the fact in a 
 melancholy and discontented mood. The one thought 
 uppermost in my mind was, how will Lady Jane receive me ? 
 am I forgotten, or am I only remembered as the subject of 
 that unlucky mistake, when, under the guise of an elder 
 son, I was feted and made much of? What pretensions I 
 had, without fortune, rank, influence, or even expectations 
 of any kind, to seek the hand of the most beautiful girl of 
 the day, with the largest fortune as her dowry, I dare not 
 ask myself ; the reply would have dashed all my hopes, and 
 my pursuit would have at once been abandoned. " Tell the 
 people you are an excellent preacher," was the advice of an 
 old and learned divine to a younger and less experienced 
 one ; " tell them so every morning, and every noon, and every 
 evening, and at last they will begin to believe it." So thought 
 I. I shall impress upon the Callonbys that I am a most 
 unexceptionable " parti." Upon every occasion they shall 
 hear it : as they open their newspapers at breakfast, as they 
 sip their soup at luncheon, as they adjust their napkin at 
 dinner, as they chat over their wine at night. My influence 
 in the house shall be unbounded, my pleasures consulted, 
 my dislikes remembered. The people in favor with me 
 shall dine there three times a week, those less fortunate shall 
 be put into schedule A. My opinion on all subjects shall 
 be a law, whether I pronounce upon politics or discuss a 
 dinner ; and all this I shall accomplish by a successful 
 flattery of my lady, a little bullying of my lord, a devoted 
 attention to the youngest sister, a special cultivation of 
 Kilkee, and a very prononce neglect of Lady Jane. These 
 were my half-waking thoughts, as the heavy diligence rum- 
 bled over the pave into Nancy ; and I was aroused by the 
 door being suddenly jerked open, and a bronzed face, with 
 a black beard and mustache, being thrust in among us. 
 
 " Your passports, messieurs," as a lantern was held up in 
 succession across our faces, and we handed forth our crumpled" 
 and worn papers to the official. 
 
 The night was stormy and dark — gusts of wind sweeping 
 along, bearing with them the tail of some thunder-cloud, 
 mingling their sound with a falling tile from the roofs of a 
 broken chimney-pot. The officer in vain endeavored to hold 
 open the passports while he inscribed his name, and just as 
 the last scrawl was completed the lantern went out. Mut-
 
 408 HARRY LORREQUt I; 
 
 tering a heavy curse upon the weather, he thrust them in 
 upon us rn masse, and, banging the door to, called out to the 
 conducteur, " En route." 
 
 Again we rumbled on, and ere we cleared the last lamps 
 of the town the whole party was once more sunk in sleep, 
 save myself. Hour after hour rolled by, the rain pattering 
 upon the roof, and the heavy plash of the horses' feet con- 
 tributing their mournful sounds to the melancholy that was 
 stealing over me. At length we drew up at the door of a 
 little auberge, and, by the noise and bustle without, I per- 
 ceived there was a change of horses. Anxious to stretch my 
 legs, and relieve, if even for a moment, the wearisome monot- 
 ony of the night, I got out and strode into the little parlor 
 of the inn. There was a cheerful fire in an open stove, beside 
 which stood a portly figure in a sheepskin bunta and a cloth 
 travelling cap with a gold band ; his legs were cased in high 
 Russia leather boots, all evident signs of the profession of 
 the wearer, had even his haste at supper not bespoke the 
 fact that he was a government courier. 
 
 " You had better make haste with the horses, Antoine, if 
 you don't wish the postmaster to hear of it," said he, as I 
 entered, his mouth filled with pie-crust and vin de Beaune as 
 he spoke. 
 
 A lumbering peasant, with a blouse, sabots, and a striped 
 night-cap, replied in some unknown patois, when the courier 
 again said : 
 
 "Well, then, take the diligence horses; I must get on at 
 all events. They are not so/>/rss<\ I'll be bound; besides, 
 it will save the gendarmes some miles of a ride if they over- 
 take them here." 
 
 " Havr we another vise of our passports here, then ? " 
 said I, addressing the courier, "for we have already been 
 examined at Nancy." 
 
 " Not exactly a visi" said the courier, eying me most sus- 
 piciously as he spoke, and then continuing to eat with his 
 former voracity. 
 
 " Then, what, may I ask, have we to do with these gen- 
 darmes ? " 
 
 " It is a search," said the courier, gruffly, and with the air 
 of one wild desired no further questioning. 
 
 I immediately ordered a bottle of burgundy, and filling 
 the large goblet before him, said with much respect : 
 
 " A votre bonne voyage, Monsieur le Courier."
 
 HA A' A' ) ' L ORREQVKR. 409 
 
 To this he at once replied, by taking off his cap and bow- 
 ing politely as he drank off the wine. 
 
 " Have we any runaway felon or a stray galerien among 
 us," said I, laughingly, " that they are going to search us ? " 
 
 " No, monsieur," said the courier ; " but there has been a 
 government order to arrest a person on this road connected 
 with the dreadful Polish plot, that has just eclated at Paris. 
 I passed a vidette of cavalry at Nancy, and they will be up 
 here in half an hour." . 
 
 " A Polish plot ! Why, I left Paris only a few days ago, 
 and never heard of it." 
 
 " C'est bien possible, monsieur — perhaps, after all, it may 
 only be an affair of the police ; but they have certainly ar- 
 rested one prisoner at Meurice's, charged with this, as well 
 as the attempt to rob Frascati and murder the croupier." 
 
 " Alas," said I, with a half-suppressed groan, " it is too 
 true ; that infernal fellow, O'Leary, has ruined me, and I 
 shall be brought back to Paris, and only taken from prison 
 to meet the open shame and ignominy of a public trial." 
 
 What was to be done ? — every moment was precious. I 
 walked to the door to conceal my agitation. All was dark 
 and gloomy. The thought of escape was my only one ; but 
 how to accomplish it. Every stir without suggested to my 
 anxious mind the approaching tread of horses. Every rattle 
 of the harness seemed like the clink of accoutrements. 
 
 While I yet hesitated, I felt that my fate was in the bal- 
 ance. • Concealment where I was was impossible ; there 
 were no means of obtaining horses to proceed. My last 
 only hope then rested in the courier ; he, perhaps, might be 
 bribed to assist me at this juncture. Still, his impression as 
 to the enormity of the crime imputed might deter him ; and 
 there was no time for explanation, if even he would listen 
 to it. I returned to the room ; he had finished his meal and 
 was now engaged in all the preparations for encountering a 
 wet and dreary night. I hesitated ; my fears that, if he 
 should refuse my offers, all chance of escape was gone, de- 
 terred me for a moment. At length, as he wound a large 
 woollen shawl around his throat, and seemed to have com- 
 pleted his costume, I summoned nerve for the effort, and, 
 with as much boldness in my manner as I could muster, said : 
 
 " Monsieur le Courier, one word with you." I here closed 
 the door, and continued. " My fortunes — my whole prospects 
 in life depend upon my reaching Strasbourg by to-morrow
 
 4 1 o HA R R Y LO RR /■ ( > ! 7 R 
 
 night. YoU alone can be the means of my doing so. Is 
 there any price yon can mention for which you will render 
 me this service ? if so, name it." 
 
 " So, then, monsieur," said the courier, slowly — " so, then, 
 you are the " 
 
 "You have guessed it," said I, interrupting. "Do you 
 accept my proposal ? " 
 
 " It is impossible," said he. " utterly impossible ; for, even 
 should I be disposed to run the rjsk on my own account, it 
 would avail you nothing; the first town we entered your 
 passport would be demanded, and, not being vised by the 
 minister to travel en courier, you would at once be detained 
 and arrested." 
 
 " Then am I lost ! " said I, throwing myself upon a chair ; 
 at the same instant my passport, which I carried in my 
 breast-pocket, fell out at the feet of the courier. He lifted it 
 and opened it leisurely. So engrossed was I by my misfor- 
 tunes that for some minutes I did not perceive that, as he 
 continued to read the passport, he smiled from time to time, 
 till at length a hearty fit of laughing awoke me from my 
 abstraction. My first impulse was to seize him by the 
 throat ; controlling my temper, however, with an effort, I 
 said : 
 
 "And pray, monsieur, may I ask in what manner Uk posi- 
 tion I stand in at this moment affords you so much amuse- 
 ment ? Is there anything so particularly droll — anything so 
 excessively ludicrous in my situation — or what particular gift 
 do you possess that shall prevent me throwing you out of 
 the window ? " 
 
 " Mais, monsieur," said he, half stifled with laughter, " do 
 you know the blunder I fell into ? it is really too good. 
 Could you only guess who I took you for, you would laugh 
 too." 
 
 Here he became so overcome with merriment, that he \ 
 obliged to sit down, which he did opposite to me, and actually 
 shook with laughter. 
 
 " When this comedy is over," thought I, "we may begin 
 to understand each other." Seeing no prospect of this, I 
 became at length impatient, and jumping on my legs, said: 
 
 " Enough, sir, quite enough of this foolery. Believe me, 
 you have every reason to be thankful that my present em- 
 barrassment should so far engross me that 1 cannot afford 
 time to give you a thrashing."
 
 HARR Y L OKREQ UER. 4.1 1 
 
 " Pardon, mille pardons," said he, humbly ; " but you will, 
 I am sure, forgive me when I tell you that I was stupid 
 enough to mistake you for the fugitive Englishman, whom 
 the gendarmes are in pursuit of. How good, eh ? " 
 
 "'Oh ! devilish good — but what do you mean ? " 
 
 " Why, the fellow that caused the attack at Frascati, and 
 all that, and " 
 
 " Yes — well, eh ? Did you think I \?as he ? " 
 
 " To be sure I did, till I saw your passport." 
 
 " Till you saw my passport ? " Why, what on earth can he 
 mean ? thought I. " No, but," said I, half jestingly, " how 
 could you make such a blunder?" 
 
 " Why, your confused manner — your impatience to get on 
 — your hurried questions, all convinced me. In fact, I'd 
 have wagered anything you were the Englishman." 
 
 "And what, in heaven's name, does he think me now ? " 
 thought I, as I endeavored to join the laugh so ludicrous a 
 mistake occasioned. 
 
 " But we are delaying sadly," said the courier. " Are you 
 ready ? " 
 
 " Ready — ready for what ? " 
 
 " To go on with me, of course. Don't you wish to get 
 early to Strasbourg ? " 
 
 "To be sure I do." 
 
 " Well, then, come along. But pray, don't mind your lug- 
 gage, for my caleche is loaded. Your instruments can come 
 in the diligence," 
 
 " My instruments in the diligence ! He's mad — that's 
 flat." 
 
 " How they will laugh at Strasbourg at my mistake." 
 
 " That they will," thought I. " The only doubt is, will 
 you join in the merriment ? " 
 
 So saying, I followed the courier to the door, jumped into 
 his caleche, and in another moment was hurrying over the 
 pave at a pace that defied pursuit, and promised soon to 
 make up for all our late delay. Scarcely was the fur-lined 
 apron of the caleche buttoned around me, and the German 
 blinds let down, when I set to work to think over the 
 circumstance that had just befallen me. As I had never 
 examined my passport from the moment Trevanion handed 
 it to me at Paris, I knew nothing of its contents ; therefore, 
 as to what impression it might convey of me, I was totally 
 ignorant. To ask the courier for it now might excite sus-
 
 412 HARRY LORRt QL V A'. 
 
 pieions ; so that I was totally at sea how to account for his 
 sudden change in my favor, or in what precise capacity I 
 was travelling beside him. Once, and once only, the thought 
 of treachery occurred to me. Is lie about to hand me over 
 to the gendarmes ? and are we now only retracing our steps 
 toward Nancy ? If so, Monsieur le Courier, whatever be my 
 fate, yours is certainly an unenviable one. My reflection i 
 on this head were soon broken in upon, for my companion 
 again returned to the subject of his "singular error," and 
 assured me that he was as near as possible leaving me be- 
 hind, under the mistaken impression of my being "myself; " 
 and informed me that all Strasbourg would be delighted to 
 see me, which latter piece of news was only the more flatter- 
 ing, that I knew no one there, nor had ever been in that city 
 in my life ; and after about an hour's mystification as to my 
 tastes, habits, and pursuits, he fell fast asleep, leaving me to 
 solve the difficult problem as to whether I was not somebody 
 else, or the only alternative — whether travelling en courier 
 might not be prescribed by physicians as a mode for treating 
 insane patients. 
 
 CHAPTER XLIX. 
 
 A NIGHT IN STRASBOURG. 
 
 With the dawn of day my miseries recommenced ; for after 
 letting down the sash, and venting some very fervent impre- 
 cations upon the postilion for not going faster than his horses 
 were able, the courier once more recurred to his last night's 
 blunder, and proceeded very leisurely to catechize me as 
 to my probable stay at Strasbourg, when I should go from 
 thence, etc. As I was still in doubt what or whom he took 
 me for, I answered with the greatest circumspection — watch- 
 ing the while for any clew that might lead me to a discovery 
 of myself. Thus, occasionally evading all pushing and home 
 queries, and sometimes, when hard pressed, feigning drowsi- 
 ness, I passed the long and anxious day — the fear of being 
 overtaken ever mingling with the thoughts that some unlucky 
 admission of mine might discover my real character to the 
 courier, who, at any post station, might hand me over to the 
 authorities. Could I only guess at the part 1 am performing, 
 thought I, I might manage to keep up the illusion; but my
 
 HA RR J ' L OA'A'/:\ » I r ER. 4 1 3 
 
 attention was so entirely engrossed by fencing off all his 
 threats, that I could find out nothing. At last, as night 
 drew near, the thought that we were approaching Strasbourg 
 rallied my spirits, suggesting an escape from all pursuits, as 
 well as the welcome prospect of getting rid of my present 
 torturer, who, whenever I awoke from a doze, reverted to our 
 singular meeting with a pertinacity that absolutely seemed 
 like malice. 
 
 " As I am aware that this is your first visit to Strasbourg, " 
 said the courier, " perhaps I can be of service to you in rec- 
 ommending a hotel. Put up, I advise you, at the ' Bear' — a 
 capital hotel, and not ten minutes' distance from the theatre." 
 
 I thanked him for the counsel; and, rejoicing in the fact 
 that my prototype, whoever he might be, was unknown in the 
 city, began to feel some little hope of getting through this 
 scrape, as I had done so many others. 
 
 " They have been keeping the ' Huguenots ' for your arri- 
 val, and all Strasbourg is impatient for your coming." 
 
 " Indeed ! " said I, mumbling something meant to be 
 modest. "Who the devil am I, then, to cause all this 
 fracas ? Heaven grant, not the new ' prefect,' or the com- 
 mander of the forces." 
 
 " I am told the ' Zauberflotte ' is your favorite opera ? " 
 
 " I can't say that I ever heard it — that ; , I mean that I 
 could say — well got up." 
 
 Here I floundered on, having so far forgot myself as to 
 endanger everything. 
 
 " How very unfortunate ! Well, I hope you will not long 
 have as much to say. Meanwhile, here we are — this is the 
 ' Bear. ' " 
 
 We rattled into the ample parte cochere of avast hotel — the 
 postilion cracking his enormous whip, and bells ringing on 
 every side, as if the crown prince of Russia had been the 
 arrival, and not a poor sub. in the — th. 
 
 The courier jumped out, and running up to the landlord, 
 whispered a few words in his ear, to which the other an- 
 swered by a deep " Ah vraiment ! " and then saluted me with 
 an obsequiousness that made my flesh quake. 
 
 " I shall make 'mes hommages ' in the morning," said the 
 courier, as he drove off at full speed to deliver his dispatches, 
 and left me to my own devices to perform a character, without 
 even being able to guess what it might be. My passport, 
 too, the only thing that could throw any light upon the affair,
 
 4 1 4 II A RR J ' L ORRE Q UER. 
 
 he had taken along with him, promising to have it vised, and 
 save me any trouble. 
 
 Of all my difficulties and puzzling situations in life this was 
 certainly the worst; for however often my lot had been to 
 personate another, yet hitherto I had had the good fortune 
 to be aware of what and whom I was performing. Now I 
 might be. anybody from Marshal Soult to Monsieur Scribe ; 
 one thing only was certain, I must be a " celebrity." The 
 confounded pains and trouble they were taking to receive me 
 attested the fact, and left me to the pleasing reflection that 
 my detection, should it take place, would be sure of attract- 
 ing a very general publicity. Having ordered my supper 
 from the landlord, with a certain air of reserve, sufficient 
 even to prevent an Alsace host from obtruding any questions 
 upon me, I took my opportunity to stroll from the inn down 
 to the river-side. There lay the broad rapid Rhine, separating 
 me, by how narrow a gulf, from that land where, if I once 
 arrived, my safety was certain. Never did that great boundary 
 of nations strike me so forcibly as now when my own 
 petty interests and fortune were at stake. Night was fast 
 settling upon the low flat banks of the stream, and nothing 
 stirred save the ceaseless ripple of the river. One fishing 
 bark alone was on the water. I hailed the solitary tenant 
 of it, and after some little parley induced him to ferry me 
 over. This, however, could only be done when the night 
 was further advanced — it being against the law to cross the 
 river except at certain hours, and between two established 
 points where officers of the revenue were stationed. The 
 fisherman was easily bribed, however, to evade the regulation, 
 and only bargained that I should meet him on the bank 
 before daybreak. Having settled this point to my satisfac- 
 tion, I returned to my hotel in better spirits ; and with a 
 Strasbourg pate' and a flask of Nirensteiner, drank to my 
 speedy deliverance. 
 
 How to consume the long, dreary hours between this time 
 and that of my departure, I knew not ; for though greatly 
 fatigued, I felt that sleep was impossible ; the usual resource 
 of a gossip with the host was equally out of the question ; and 
 all that remained was the theatre, which I happily remem- 
 bered was not far from the hotel. 
 
 It was an opera night, and the house was crowded to excess ; 
 but with some little management I obtained a place in a box 
 near the Stage. The piece was " Les Franr-M aeons. " which
 
 j/.-ia'A')' Ldkk£QU£R. 415 
 
 was certainly admirably supported, and drew down from the 
 audience — no mean one as judges of music — the loudest 
 thunders of applause. As for me, the house was as great 
 a curiosity as the opera. The novel spectacle of some hun- 
 dreds of people relishing and appreciating the highest order 
 of musical genius was something totally new and surprising 
 to me. The curtain at length fell upon the fifth act — and now 
 the deafening roar of acclamation was tremendous, and amid 
 a perfect shout of enthusiasm the manager announced the 
 opera for the ensuing evening. Scarcely had this subsided, 
 when a buzz ran through the house ; at first subdued, but 
 gradually getting louder — extending from the boxes to the 
 balcony — from the balcony to the parterre — and finally even 
 to the galleries. Groups of people stood upon the benches, 
 and looked fixedly on one part of the house ; then changed 
 and regarded as eagerly the other. 
 
 What can this mean ? thought I. Is the theatre on fire ? 
 Something surely has gone wrong ! 
 
 In this conviction, with the courageous spirit of curiosity, 
 I mounted upon a seat, and looked about me on every side ; 
 but unable still to catch the object which seemed to attract 
 the rest, as I was about to resume my place, my eyes fell 
 upon a well-known face, which in an instant I remembered 
 was that of my late fellow-traveller the courier. Anxious to 
 avoid his recognition, I attempted to get down at once, but 
 before I could accomplish it, the wretch had perceived and 
 recognized me ; and I saw him, even with a gesture of delight, 
 point me out to some friends beside him. 
 
 " Confound the fellow," muttered I ; " I must leave this 
 at once, or I shall be involved in some trouble." 
 
 Scarcely was my resolve taken, when a new burst of voices 
 arose from the pit — the words "PAuteur; " " FAuteur," min - 
 ling with loud cries for " Meerberger," " Meerberger," to ay- 
 pear. So, thought I, it seems the great composer is her.'. 
 < )h, by Jove ! I must have a peep at him before I go. So, 
 leaning over the front rail of the box, I looked anxiously about 
 to catch one hasty glimpse of one of the great men of his day 
 and country. What was my surprise, however, to perceive 
 that about two thousand eyes were firmly riveted upon the 
 box I was seated in ; while about half the number of tongues 
 called out unceasingly, " Mr. Meerberger— vive Meerberger 
 — vive l'Auteur des Franc- Macons — vive Franc-Macons," 
 etc. Before I could turn to look for the hero of the scene,
 
 1 1 6 //. \RRY LOR R /■: ( > f '/■: R. 
 
 my legs were taken from under me, and I felt myself lifted 
 by several strong men and held out in front of the box, 
 while the whole audience, rising en masse, saluted me — yes, 
 me, Harry Lorrequer — with a cheer that shook the building. 
 Fearful of precipitating myself into the pit beneath, if 1 made 
 the least effort, and half wild with terror and amazement, I 
 stared about like a maniac, while a beautiful young woman 
 tripped along the edge of the box, supported by her compan- 
 ion's hand, and placed lightly upon my brow a chaplet of 
 roses and laurel. Here the applause was like an earthquake. 
 
 "May the devil fly away with half of ye," was my grateful 
 response to as full a cheer of applause as ever the walls of 
 the house re-echoed. 
 
 " On the stage — on the stage ! " shouted that portion of 
 the audience who, occupying the same side of the house as 
 myself, preferred having a better view of me, and to the stage 
 1 was accordingly hurried, down a narrow stair, through a 
 side scene, and over half the corps de ballet who were waiting 
 for their entree. Kicking, plunging, buffeting like a madman, 
 they carried me to the " flats," when the manager led me 
 forward to the foot-lights ; my wreath of flowers contrasting 
 rather ruefully with my bruised cheek and torn habiliments. 
 Human beings, God be praised, are only capable of certain 
 efforts — so that one-half the audience were coughing their 
 sides out, while the other were hoarse as bull-frogs from their 
 enthusiasm in less than five minutes. 
 
 " You'll have what my friend Rooney calls a chronic bron- 
 chitis for this, these three weeks," said 1, "that's one com- 
 fort," as I bowed my way back to the "practicable " door, 
 through which I made my exit, with the thousand faces of 
 the parterre shouting my name, or, as fancy dictated, that of 
 one of my operas. 1 retreated behind the scenes, to encoun- 
 ter very nearly as much, and at closer quarters, too, as that 
 lately sustained before the audience. After an embrace of 
 two minutes' duration from the manager, I ran the gauntlet 
 from the prima donna to the last triangle of the orchestra, 
 who cut away a back button of my coat as a souvenir. 
 During all this, I must confess, very little acting was needed 
 on my part. They were so perfectly contented with their 
 self-deception, that if I had made an affidavit before the 
 mayor — if there be such a functionary in such an insane 
 town — they would not- have believed me. Wearied and ex- 
 hausted at length by all I had gone through, I sat down upon
 
 ffARkV LORREQttEk. 4Vf 
 
 a bench, and affecting to be overcome by my feelings, con- 
 cealed my face in my handkerchief. This was the first mo- 
 ment of relief I experienced since my arrival ; but it was not 
 to last long, for the manager, putting down his head close to 
 my ear, whispered : 
 
 " Monsieur Meerberger, I have a surprise for you — such 
 as you have not had for some time, I venture to say " 
 
 " I defy you on this head," thought I. " If they make me 
 out King Solomon now, it will not amaze me " 
 
 " And when I tell you my secret," continued he, "you will 
 acknowledge I cannot be of a very jealous disposition. Mad- 
 ame Baptiste has just told me she knew you formerly, and 
 that — she — that is, you — were — in fact, you understand — 
 there had been — so to say — a little ' amourette ' between you." 
 
 I groaned in spirit as I thought, now I am lost without a 
 chance of escape — the devil take her reminiscences. 
 
 ■ ■ I see," continued le bon mart, " you cannot guess of 
 whom I speak ; but when I tell you of Amelie Grandet, your 
 memory will, perhaps, be better." 
 
 "Amelie Grandet !" said I, with a stage start. I need 
 not say that I had never heard the name before. " Amelie 
 Grandet here ! " 
 
 " Yes, that is she," said the manager, rubbing his hands ; 
 " and my wife too " 
 
 " Married ! Amelie Grandet married ? No, no ; it is im- 
 possible — I cannot believe it. But were it true — true, mark 
 me — for worlds would I not meet her." 
 
 "Comment il est drole," said the manager, soliloquizing 
 aloud ; " for my wife takes it much easier, seeing they never 
 met each other since they were fifteen." 
 
 " Ho, ho ! " thought 1, "the affair is not so bad either — 
 time makes great changes in that space. And does she still 
 remember me ? " said I, in a very Romeo-in-the-garden 
 voice. 
 
 " Why, so far as remembering the little boy that used to 
 play with her in the orchard at her mother's cottage near 
 Pirna, and with whom she used to go boating upon the Elbe. 
 I believe the recollection is perfect. But come along — she 
 insists upon seeing you, and is this very moment waiting 
 supper in our room for you." 
 
 " A thorough German she must be," thought I, " with her 
 sympathies and her supper — her reminiscences and her Rhine 
 wine hunting in couples through her brain." 
 
 27
 
 4 iX harry i.oRRi-orr.R. 
 
 Summoning courage from the fact of our long absence from 
 each other, I followed the manager through a wilderness of 
 pavilions, forests, clouds, and cataracts, and at length arrived 
 at a little door, at which he knocked gently. 
 
 " Come in," said a soft voice inside. We opened, and 
 beheld a very beautiful young woman in Tyrolese costume. 
 She was to perform in the afterpiece — her low bodice and 
 short scarlet petticoat displaying the most perfect symmetry 
 of form and roundness of proportion. She was dressing her 
 hair before a low glass as we came in, and scarcely turned at 
 our approach ; but in an instant, as if some sudden thought 
 had struck her, she sprung fully round, and looking at me 
 fixedly for above a minute — a very trying one for me — she 
 glanced at her husband, whose countenance plainly indicated 
 that she was right, and calling out, " Cest lui- — (? est Men lui" 
 threw herself into my arms, and sobbed convulsively. 
 
 "If this were to be the only fruits of my impersonation," 
 thought I, "it is not so bad — but I am greatly afraid these 
 good people will find out a wife and seven babies for me 
 before morning." 
 
 Whether the manager thought that enough had been done 
 for stage effect, I know not ; but he gently disengaged the 
 lovely Amelie, and deposited her upon a sofa, to a place upon 
 which she speedily motioned me by a look from a pair of 
 very seducing blue eyes. 
 
 " Francois, mon cher, you must put off La Chaumiere. I 
 can't play to-night." 
 
 " Put it off ! But only think of the audience, ma mie — they 
 will pull down the house." 
 
 "("est possible," said she, carelessly. "If that will give 
 them any pleasure, I suppose they must be indulged ; but I, 
 too, must have a little of my own way. 1 shall not play." 
 
 The tone this was said in — the look— the easy gesture of 
 command — no less than the afflicted helplessness of the 
 luckless husband, showed me that Amelie, however docile as 
 a sweetheart, had certainly her own way as a wife. 
 
 While lecher Francois then retired, to make his proposition 
 to the audience of substituting something for the Chaumiere 
 — the "sudden illness of Madame Baptiste having prevented 
 her appearance " — we began to renew our old acquaintance 
 by a thousand inquiries from that longqjast time when we 
 were sweethearts and lovers. 
 
 •' You remember me, then, so well ? " said 1.
 
 HA RR Y Li )RR£Q I r ER. \ 1 9 
 
 " As of yesterday. You are much taller, and your eyes 
 darker; but still — there is something. You know, however, 
 I have been expecting to see you these two days ; and tell 
 me frankly, how do you find me looking? " 
 
 " More beautiful, a thousand times more beautiful than 
 ever — all save in one thing, Amelie." 
 
 "And that is " 
 
 " You are married." 
 
 " How you jest. But let us look back. Do you ever 
 think on any of our old compacts ? " Here she pulled a 
 leaf from a rosebud in her bouquet, and kissed it. " I wager 
 that you have forgotten that" 
 
 How I should have replied to this masonic sign, God 
 knows ; but the manager fortunately entered, to assure us 
 that the audience had kindly consented not to pull down the 
 house, but to listen to a five-act tragedy instead, in which he 
 had to perform the principal character. " So, then, don't 
 wait supper, Amelie ; but take care of Monsieur Meerberger 
 till my return." 
 
 Thus, once more were we left to our souvenirs, in which 
 whenever hard pushed myself, I regularly carried the war into 
 the enemy's camp, by allusions to incidents, which I need not 
 observe had never occurred. After a thousand stories of 
 our early loves, mingled with an occasional sigh over their 
 fleeting character — now indulging a soft retrospect of the once 
 happy past — now moralizing on the future — Amelie and 
 I chatted away the hours till the conclusion of the tragedy. 
 
 By this time the hour was approaching for my departure ; 
 so, after a very tender leave-taking with my new friend and 
 my old love, I left the theatre, and walked slowly along to 
 the river. 
 
 " So much for early associations," thought I ; " and how 
 much better pleased are we ever to paint the past according 
 to our own fancy than to remember it as it really was. 
 Hence all the insufferable cant about happy infancy and ' the 
 glorious school-boy days,' which have generally no more 
 foundation in the fact than have the ' Chateaus en Espagne' 
 we build up for the future. I wager that the real Amant 
 d'Enfance, when he arrives, is not half so great a friend with 
 the fair Amelie as his unworthy shadow. At the same time, 
 I had just as soon that Lady Jane should have no 'premiers 
 amours ' to look back upon, except such as I have performed 
 a character in."
 
 4 20 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 The plash of oars near me broke up my reflections, and 
 the next moment found me skimming the rapid Rhine, as I 
 thought, for the last time. What will they say in Strasbourg 
 to-morrow ? How will they account for the mysterious dis- 
 appearance of Monsieur Meerberger ? Poor Amelie Grandet ! 
 For so completely had the late incidents engrossed my at- 
 tention that I had for the moment lost sight of the most 
 singular event of all — how I came to be mistaken for the 
 illustrious composer. 
 
 CHAPTER L. 
 
 A SURPRISE. 
 
 It was late upon the following day ere x awoke from the 
 long, deep sleep that closed my labors in Strasbourg. In 
 the confusion of my waking thoughts, I imagined myself 
 still before a crowded and enthusiastic audience — the glare 
 of the foot-lights — the crash of the orchestra — the shouts 
 of "I'Attteur" "I'Auteur" were all before me, and so 
 completely possessed me, that, as the waiter entered with 
 hot water, I could not resist the impulse to pull off my night- 
 cap with one hand, and press the other to my heart in the 
 usual theatrical style of acknowledgments for a most flatter- 
 ing reception. The startled look of the poor fellow, as he 
 neared the door to escape, roused me from my hallucination, 
 and awakened me to the conviction that the suspicion of 
 lunacy might be a still heavier infliction than the personation 
 of Monsieur Meerberger. 
 
 With thoughts of this nature, I assumed my steadiest 
 demeanor — ordered my breakfast in the most orthodox 
 fashion — eat it like a man in his senses ; and when I threw 
 myself back in the wicker conveniency they called a caliche. 
 and bid adieu to Kehl, the whole fraternity of the inn would 
 have given me a certificate of. sanity before any court in 
 Europe. 
 
 " Now for Munich," said I, as we rattled along down the 
 steep street of the little town. "Now for Munich, with all 
 the speed that first of postmasters and slowest of men, the 
 Prince of Tour and Taxis, will afford us." 
 
 The future engrossed all my thoughts; and puzzling as my
 
 HA RR Y L ORKEQ UER. 42 1 
 
 late adventures had been to account for, I never for a mo- 
 ment reverted to the past. " Is she to be mine ? " was the 
 ever-rising question in my mind. The thousand difficulties 
 that had crossed my path might long since have terminated a 
 pursuit where there was so little of promise, did I not cherish 
 the idea in my heart, that I was fated to succeed. Sheridan 
 answered the ribald sneers of his first auditory by saying, 
 
 " Laugh on ; but I have it in me, and by it shall come 
 
 out." So I whispered to myself : Go on, Harry. Luck has 
 been hitherto against you, it is true ; but you have yet one 
 throw of the dice, and something seems to say a fortunate 
 one, in store ; and, if so — but I cannot trust myself with such 
 anticipations. I am well aware how little the world sym- 
 pathizes with the man whose fortunes are the sport of his 
 temperament — that April day frame of mind is ever the jest 
 and scoff of those hardier and sterner natures, who, if never 
 overjoyed by success, are never much depressed by failure. 
 That I have been cast in the former mould, these Confessions 
 have, alas ! plainly proved ; but that I regret it, I fear also, 
 for my character for sound judgment, I must answer " No." 
 
 " Better far to be 
 
 In utter darkness lying, 
 Than be blest with light and see 
 That light forever flying," 
 
 is, doubtless, very pretty poetry, but very poor philosophy. 
 For myself, and some glimpses of sunshine this fair world 
 has afforded me, fleeting and passing enough, in all con- 
 science, and yet I am not so ungrateful as to repine at my 
 happiness, because it was not permanent ; as I am thankful 
 for those bright hours of " Love's young dream," which, if 
 nothing more, are at least delightful souvenirs. They form 
 the golden thread in the tangled web of our existence, ever 
 appearing amid the darker surface around, and throwing a 
 fair halo of brilliancy on what, without it, were cold, bleak, 
 and barren. No, no — 
 
 " The light that lies 
 In woman's eyes," 
 
 were it twice as fleeting, as it is ten times more brilliant than 
 the forked lightning, irradiates the dark gloom within us for 
 many a long day after it has ceased to shine upon us. As in
 
 422 HA R RY LO R R E { } I '/■: R. 
 
 boyhood it is the humiliating influence that tempers the fierce 
 and unruly passions of our nature, so, in manhood, it forms 
 the goal to which all our better and higher aspirations tend, 
 telling us there is something more worthy than gold, and a 
 more lofty pinnacle of ambition than the praise and envy of 
 our fellow-men : and we may rest assured that when this 
 feeling dies within us, all the ideal of life dies with it, and 
 nothing remains save the dull reality of our daily cares and 
 occupations. " I have lived and have loved," saith Schiller ; 
 and if it were not that there seems some tautology in the 
 phrase, I should say such is my own motto. If Lady Jane 
 but prove true — if I have really succeeded — if, in a word — 
 but why speculate upon such chances ? — what pretensions 
 have I ? — what reason to look for such a prize ? Alas ! and 
 alas ! were 1 to catechize myself too closely, I fear that my 
 horses' heads would face toward Calais, and that I should 
 turn my back upon the only prospect of happiness I can 
 picture to myself in this world. In reflections such as these 
 the hours rolled over, and it was already late at night when 
 we reached the little village of Merchem. While fresh horses 
 were being got ready, I seized the occasion to partake of the 
 table (Phbte supper of the inn, atthedoor of which the diligence 
 was drawn up. Around the long and not over-scrupulously 
 clean table sat the usual assemblage of German "Eilwagen " 
 — smoking, dressing salad, knitting, and occasionally picking 
 their teeth with their forks, until the soup should make its 
 appearance. Taking my place amid this motley assemblage 
 of mustachioed shopkeepers and voluminously-petticoated 
 fraus, I sat calculating how long human patience could endure 
 such companionship, when my attention was aroused by hear- 
 ing a person near me narrate to his friend the circumstances 
 of my debut at Strasbourg, with certain marginal notes of his 
 own that not a little surprised me. 
 
 " And so it turned out not to be Meerberger, after all." 
 said the listener. 
 
 "Of course not." replied the other. " Meerberger's pass- 
 port was stolen from him in the diligence by tliis English 
 escroc, and the consequence was that our poor countryman 
 was arrested, the other passport being found upon him, 
 while the Englishman, proceeding to Strasbourg, took his 
 benefit at the opera, and walked away with about twelve 
 thousand florins." 
 
 " Sapper men t ! " said the other, tossing off his beer. " 1 fe
 
 1/Ah'h'Y ia)rr/-:qcer. 423 
 
 must have been a clever fellow, though, to lead the orchestra 
 in the Franc-Magons." 
 
 " That is the most astonishing part of all ; for they say in 
 Strasbourg that his performance upon the violin was far fii^r 
 than Paganini's ; but there seems some secret in it, after all ; for 
 Madame Baptiste swears that he is Meerberger ; and in fact 
 the matter is far from being cleared up— nor can it be till he 
 is apprehended." 
 
 " Which shall not be for sometime to come," said I to my- 
 self, as, slipping noiselessly from the room, I regained my 
 caleche and in ten minutes more was proceeding on my 
 journey. So much for correct information, thought I. One 
 thing, however, is certain — to the chance interchange of pass- 
 ports I owe my safety, with the additional satisfaction that 
 my little German acquaintance is reaping a pleasant retribu- 
 tion for all his worry and annoyance of me in the coupe. 
 
 Only he who has toiled over the weary miles of a long 
 journey — exclusively occupied with one thought — one over- 
 powering feeling — can adequately commiserate my impatient 
 anxiety as the days rolled slowly over on the long, tiresome 
 road that leads from the Rhine to the south of Germany. 
 
 The morning was breaking on fhe fourth day of my 
 journey as the tall spires of Munich rose to my view, amid 
 the dull and arid desert of sand that city is placed in. At 
 last ! was my exclamation as the postilion tapped at the 
 window with his whip, and then pointed toward the city. 
 At last ! Oh ! what would be the ecstasy of my feelings now, 
 could I exchange the torturing anxieties of suspense for the 
 glorious certainty my heart throbs for ; now my journey is 
 nearing its end to see me claim as my own what I now barely 
 aspire to in the sanguine hope of a heart that will not 
 despair. But cheer up, Harry. It is a noble stake you 
 play for, and it is ever the bold gambler that wins. Scarcely 
 was this reflection made, half aloud, when a sudden shock 
 threw me from my seat. I fell toward the door, which, burst- 
 ing open, launched me out upon the road, at the same moment 
 that the broken axle-tree of the caleche had upset it on the 
 opposite side, carrying one horse along with it, and leaving 
 the other with the postilion on his back, kicking and plunging 
 with all his might. After assisting the frightened fellow to 
 dismount, and having cut the traces of the restive animal, I 
 then perceived that in the melee I had not escaped scathless. 
 I could barely stand ; and, on passing my hand upon my in-
 
 42 4 it A RR J ' L ORREQ I 'I'.N. 
 
 step, perceived I had sprained "my ankle in the fall. The day 
 was only breaking, no one was in sight, so that after a few 
 minutes' consideration, the best thing to do appeared to be 
 to get the other horse upon his legs, and dispatching the 
 postilion to Munich, then about three leagues distant, for a 
 carriage, wait patiently on the roadside for his return. No 
 sooner was the resolve made than carried into execution, 
 and in less than a quarter of an hour from the moment of 
 the accident I was seated upon the bank, watching the re- 
 tiring figure of the postilion, as he disappeared down a hill, 
 on his way to Munich. When the momentary burst of 
 impatience was over, I could not help congratulating myself 
 that I was so far fortunate in reaching the end of my journey 
 ere the mischance befell me. Had it occurred at Stuttgart, 
 I really think that it would have half driven me distracted. 
 
 I was not long in my present situation till a number of 
 peasants, with broad-brimmed hats and many-buttoned 
 coats, passed on their way to work ; they all saluted me re- 
 spectfully ; but although they saw the broken carriage, and 
 might well guess at the nature of my accident, yet not one 
 ever thought of proffering his services, or even indulging 
 curiosity, by way of inquiry. " How thoroughly German," 
 thought I ; " these people are the Turks of Europe, stupefied 
 with tobacco and ' starkes bier.' They have no thought for 
 anything but themselves, and their own immediate occupa- 
 tions." Perceiving at length one whose better dress and 
 more intelligent look bespoke a rank above the common, I 
 made the effort with such " platt deutch " as I could muster, 
 to ask if there were any house near, where I could remain 
 till the postilion's return ? and learned, greatly to my gratifi- 
 cation, that by taking the path which led through a grove of 
 pine trees near me, 1 should find a chateau, but who was the 
 proprietor he knew not; indeed the people were only newly 
 come, and he believed were foreigners. English, he thought. 
 Oh, how my heart jumped as I said, "(an they be the Cal- 
 lonbys ; are they many in the family; are there ladies 
 young ladies, among them ? " — he knew not. Having hastily 
 arranged with my new friend to watch the carriage till my 
 return, I took the path he showed me, and smarting with 
 pain at every step, hurried along as best I could toward the 
 chateau. I had not walked many minutes, when a break in 
 the wood gave me a view of the old mansion, and at once 
 dispelled the illusion that was momentarily gaining upon me.
 
 HA RR Y L ORRE Q I A R. 4 2 5 
 
 " They could not be the Callonbys." The house was old; 
 and though it had once been a fine and handsome structure, 
 exhibited now abundant traces of decay ; the rich cornices 
 which supported the roof had fallen in many places, and lay 
 in fragments upon the terrace beneath ; the portico of the 
 door was half tumbling ; and the architraves of the windows 
 were broken and dismantled, the tall and once richly orna- 
 mented chimneys were bereft of all their tracery, and stood 
 bolt upright in all their nakedness above the high-pitched 
 roof. A straggling jet d'eau was vigorously fighting its 
 way amid a mass of creeping shrubs and luxuriant lichens 
 that had grown around and above a richly carved fountain, 
 and fell in a shower of sparkling dew upon the rank grass 
 and tall weeds around. The gentle murmur was the only 
 sound that broke the stillness of the morning. 
 
 A few deities in lead and stone, mutilated and broken, 
 stood like the genii loci, guarding the desolation about them, 
 where an old, superannuated peacock, with drooping, ragged 
 tail, was the only living thing to be seen. All bespoke the 
 wreck of what once was great and noble, and all plainly told 
 me that such could not be the abode of the Callonbys. 
 
 Half doubting that the house was inhabited, and half scru- 
 pling, if so, to disturb the inmates from their rest, I sat down 
 upon the terrace steps and fell into a fit of musing on the 
 objects about. That strange propensity of my countrymen 
 to settle down in remote and unfrequented spots upon the 
 Continent had never struck me so forcibly ; for although un- 
 questionably there were evident traces of the former grandeur 
 of the place, yet it was a long-past greatness ; and in the 
 dilapidated walls, broken statues, weed-grown walks, and 
 dark and tangled pine grove, there were more hints for sadness 
 than I should willingly surround myself by in a residence. The 
 harsh grating of a heavy door behind roused me. I turned 
 and beheld an old man in a species of tarnished and worm- 
 eaten livery, who, holding the door, again gazed at me with 
 a mingled expression of fear and curiosity. Having briefly 
 explained the circumstances which had befallen me, and ap- 
 pealed to the broken caliche upon the road to corroborate a 
 testimony that I perceived needed such aid, the old man in- 
 vited me to enter, saying that his master and mistress were 
 not risen, but that he would himself give me some breakfast, 
 of which by this time I stood much in want. The room into 
 which 1 was ushered corresponded well with the exterior of
 
 426 HARRY LORREQVER. 
 
 the house. It was large, bleak, and ill-furnished ; the ample, 
 uncurtained windows ; the cold, white, panelled walls ; the 
 uncarpeted floor ; all giving it an air of uninhabited misery. 
 A few chairs of the Louis Quatorze taste, with blue velvet 
 linings, faded and worn, a cracked marble table upon legs that 
 once had been gilt ; two scarcely detectable portraits of a 
 mail-clad hero and a scarcely less formidable fair, with a 
 dove upon her wrist, formed the principal articles of furniture 
 in the dismal abode, where so trAste and depressing did every- 
 thing appear, that I half regretted the curiosity that had 
 tempted me from the balmy air and cheerful morning with- 
 out to the gloom and solitude around me. 
 
 The old man soon reappeared with a not despicable cup 
 of cafe noir and a piece of bread as large as a teaspoon, 
 and used by the Germans pretty much in the same way. As 
 the adage of the "gift horse " is of tolerably general accep- 
 tation, I eat and was thankful, mingling my acknowledg- 
 ments from time to time with some questions about the 
 owners of the mansion, concerning whom I could not help 
 feeling curious. The ancient servitor, however, knew little 
 or nothing of those he served ; his master was the honorable 
 baron ; but of his name he was ignorant ; his mistress was 
 young; they had not been many months there; they knew 
 no one — had no visitors — he had heard they were English, 
 but did not know it himself ; they were " gute Leute " — " good 
 people," and that was enough for him. How strange did all 
 this seem, that two people, young too, should separate them- 
 selves from all the attractions and pleasures of the world, 
 and settle clown in the dark and dreary solitude, where every 
 association was of melancholy, every object a text for sad 
 reflections. Lost in these thoughts I sat down beside the 
 window, and heeded not the old man as he noiselessly left 
 the room. My thoughts ran over the strange phases in which 
 life presents itself, and how little, after all, external influences 
 have to do with that peace of mind whose origin is within. 
 The Indian whose wigwam is beside the cataract heeds not 
 its thunders, nor feels its sprays as they fall in everlasting 
 dews upon him ; the Arab of the desert sees no bleakness in 
 those never-ending plains, upon whose horizon his eye has 
 rested from childhood to age. Who knows but he who in- 
 habits this lonely dwelling may have once shone in the gay 
 world, mixing in its follies, tasting of its fascination; and to 
 think that now — the low murmurs of the pine tops, the gen-
 
 HA RR Y L ORREQ UKR. 42 7 
 
 tie rustle of the water through the rank grass, and my own 
 thoughts combining, overcame me at length, and I slept — 
 how long I know not ; but when I awoke, certain changes 
 about showed me that some length of time had elapsed ; a 
 gay wood-fire was burning on the hearth ; an ample break- 
 fast covered the table ; and the broadsheet of the " Times " 
 newspaper was negligently reposing in the deep hollow of an 
 arm-chair. Before I had well thought how to apologize for 
 the cool in so lie ia net' of my intrusion, the door opened, and a 
 tall, well-built man entered ; his shooting jacket and gaiters 
 were evidence of his English origin, while a bushy mustache 
 and most ample " Henri Quatre " nearly concealed features 
 that still were not quite unknown to me ; he stopped, looked 
 steadily at me, placed a hand on either shoulder, and calling 
 but, " Harry — Harry Lorrequer, by all that's glorious," 
 rushed from the room in a transport of laughter. 
 
 If my escape from the gallows depended upon my guess- 
 ing my friend, I should have submitted to the last penalty of 
 the law ; never was I so completely nonplussed. Confound 
 him, what does he mean by running away in that fashion ? 
 It would serve him right were I to decamp by one of the 
 windows before he comes back ; but hark ! some one is ap- 
 proaching. 
 
 " I tell you I cannot be mistaken," said the man's voice 
 from without. 
 
 " Oh, impossible ! " said a lady-like accent that seemed 
 not heard by me for the first time. 
 
 " Judge for yourself ; though certainly the last time you 
 saw him may confuse your memory a little." 
 
 " What the devil does he mean by that ? " said I, as the 
 door opened, and a very beautiful young woman came for- 
 ward, who, after a moment's hesitation, called out : 
 
 " True, indeed, it is Mr. Lorrequer, but he seems to have 
 forgotten me." 
 
 The eyes, the lips, the tone of the voice, were all familiar. 
 What ! can it be possible ? Her companion, who had now 
 entered, stood behind her, holding his sides with ill-sup- 
 pressed mirth ; and at length called out : 
 
 " Harry, my boy, you scarcely were more discomposed the 
 last morning we parted, when the yellow plush " 
 
 " By Jove, it is," said I, as I sprang forward, and seizing 
 my fair friend in my arms, saluted upon both cheeks my 
 quondam fiame, Miss Kamworth, now the wife of my old
 
 42& HA KK Y L 6H/tJ£( ) I V-JA'. 
 
 friend, Jack Waller, of whom I have made due mention in 
 an early chapter of these Confessions. 
 
 Were I given a muster-roll of my acquaintance, to say 
 which of them might inhabit this deserted mansion, Jack 
 Waller would certainly have been the last I should have 
 selected — the gay, lively, dashing, high-spirited Jack, fond 
 of society, dress, equipage, living greatly in the world, 
 known to and liked by everybody, of universal reputation. 
 Did you want a cavalier to see your wife through a crush at 
 the opera, a friend in a duel, a rider for your kicking horse 
 in a stiff steeple-chase, a bow oar for your boat at a rowing 
 match, Jack was your man. Such, then, was my surprise at 
 finding him here, that although there were many things 1 
 longed to inquire about, my first question was : 
 
 " And how came you here ? " 
 
 " Life has its vicissitudes," replied Jack, laughing ; " many 
 stranger things have come to pass than my reformation. 
 But first of all, let us think of breakfast ; you shall have 
 ample satisfaction for all your curiosity afterward." 
 
 " Not now, I fear ; I am hurrying on to Munich." 
 
 " Oh, I perceive ; but you are aware that — your friends 
 are not there ? " 
 
 " The Callonbys not at Munich ! " said T, with a start. 
 
 " No ; they have been at Saltzburgh, in the Tyrol, for 
 some weeks ; but don't fret yourself, they are expected to- 
 morrow in time for the court masquerade ; so that, until then, 
 at hast, you are my guest." 
 
 ( )verjoyed at this information, I turned my attention to- 
 ward madame, whom 1 found much improved ; the embon- 
 point of womanhood had still further increased the charms 
 of one who had always been handsome ; and I could not 
 help acknowledging that my friend Jack was warrantable in 
 any scheme for securing such a prize. 
 
 CHAPTER LI. 
 
 JACK WALLER'S SIOKV. 
 
 The day passed quickly over with my newly-found friends, 
 whose curiosity to learn my adventures since we parted an- 
 ticipated me in my wish to learn theirs. After an early din-
 
 HA RR Y J a )RREQ I r ER. 42 9 
 
 fier, however, with a fresh log upon the hearth, a crusty flask 
 of red hermitage before us, Jack and I found ourselves 
 alone, and at liberty to speak freely together. 
 
 " I scarcely could have expected such would be our meet- 
 ing, Jack," said I, "from the way we last parted." 
 
 " Yes, by Jove, Harry ; I believe I behaved but shabbily 
 to you in that affair ; but ' Love and War,' you know ; and, 
 besides, we had a distinct agreement drawn up between 
 us." 
 
 " All true ; and after all you are perhaps less to blame 
 than my own miserable fortune, that lies in wait to entrap 
 and disappoint me at every turn in life. Tell me, what do 
 you know of the Callonbys ? " 
 
 " Nothing, personally ; we have met them at dinner, a visit 
 passed subsequently between us, ' et voila tout ; ' they have 
 been scenery hunting, picture hunting, and all that sort of thing 
 since their arrival; and rarely much in Munich ; but how do 
 you stand there, to be or not to be — eh ? " 
 
 " That is the very question of all others I would fain solve ; 
 and yet am in most complete ignorance of all about it ; but 
 the time approaches which must decide all. I have neither 
 temper nor patience for further contemplation of it ; so here 
 goes, success to the enterprise." 
 
 " Or," said Jack, tossing off his glass at the moment, "or, 
 as they would say in Ireland, ' Your health and inclinations, 
 if they be virtuous.' " 
 
 " And now, Jack, tell me something of your own fortunes 
 since the day you passed me in the post-chaise and four." 
 
 " The story is soon told. You remember that when I 
 carried off Mary, I had no intention of leaving England, what- 
 ever ; my object was, after making her my wife, to open nego- 
 tiations with the old colonel, and after the approved routine 
 of penitential letters imploring forgiveness, and setting forth 
 happiness, only wanting his sanction to make it heaven itself, 
 to have thrown ourselves at his feet, scion les regies, sobbed, 
 blubbered, blew our noses, and dressed for dinner, very 
 comfortable inmates of that particularly snug residence, 
 ' Hydrabad Cottage.' Now Mary, who behaved with great 
 courage for a couple of days, after that got low-spirited and 
 depressed ; the desertion of her father, as she called it, 
 weighed upon her mind, and all my endeavors to rally and 
 comfort her were fruitless and unavailing. Each day, how- 
 ever, I expected to hear something of or from the colonel, that
 
 430 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 would put an end to this feeling of suspense ; but no : three 
 weeks rolled on, and although 1 took care that he knew of 
 our address, we never received any communication. You 
 are aware that when I married, I knew Mary had, or was to 
 have, a large fortune ; and that I myself had not more than 
 enough in the world to pay the common expenses of our 
 wedding tour. My calculation was this : the reconciliation 
 will possibly, what with delays of post, distance, and delibera- 
 tion, take a month — say five weeks ; now, at forty pounds 
 per week, that makes exactly two hundred pounds — such 
 being the precise limit of my exchequer, when, blessed with a 
 wife, a man and a maid, three imperials, a cap-case, and a 
 poodle, I arrived at the Royal Hotel, in Edinburgh. Had 1 
 been Lord Francis Egerton, with his hundred thousand a 
 year, looking for a new ' distraction,' at any price ; or still 
 more — were I a London shopkeeper, spending a Sunday in 
 Boulogne-sur-Mer, and trying to find out something expensive, 
 as he had only one day to stay, I could not have more in- 
 dustriously sought out opportunities for extravagance, and 
 each day contrived to find out some two or three acquaint- 
 ances to bring home to dinner. And as I affected to have 
 been married for a long time, Mary felt less genee among 
 strangers, and we got on famously; still the silence of the 
 colonel weighed upon her mind, and although she partook 
 of none of my anxieties from that source, being perfectly 
 ignorant of the state of my finances, she dwelt so constantly 
 upon this subject, that I at length yielded to her repeated 
 solicitations and permitted her to write to her father. Her 
 letter was a most proper one ; combining a dutiful regret for 
 having her home, with the hope that her choice had been 
 such as to excuse her rashness, or at least, palliate her fault. 
 It went on to say, that her father's acknowledgment of her 
 was all she needed or cared for to complete her happiness, 
 and asking for his permission to seek it in person. This 
 was the substance of the letter, which upon the whole satis- 
 lied me, and I waited anxiously for the reply. At the end 
 of five days the answer arrived. It was thus : 
 
 " ' Dear Mary, — You have chosen your own path in life, 
 and having done so, I have neither the right nor inclination 
 to interfere with your decision ; I shall neither receive you 
 nor the person you have made your husband ; and to pre- 
 sent any further disappointment, inform you that, as I leave
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 431 
 
 (his to morrow, any future letters you might think proper to 
 address will not reach me. Yours very faithful, 
 
 " ' C. Kamwokth. 
 " ' Hydrabad Cottage.' 
 
 " This was a tremendous coup, and not in the least antici- 
 pated by either of us ; upon me the effect was stunning, 
 knowing, as I did, that our fast diminishing finances were 
 nearly expended. Mary, on the other hand, who neither 
 knew nor thought of the exchequer, rallied at once from her 
 depression, and after a hearty fit of crying, dried her eyes 
 and putting her arms round my neck, said : 
 
 "' Well, Jack, I must only love you the more, since papa 
 will not share any of my affection.' 
 
 " I wish he would his purse, though,' muttered I, as I 
 pressed her in my arms, and strove to seem perfectly happy. 
 
 " I shall not prolong my story by dwelling upon the agi- 
 tation this letter cost me ; however, I had yet a hundred 
 pounds left, and an aunt in Harley Street, with whom I had 
 always been a favorite. This thought, the only rallying one 
 I possessed, saved me for the time ; and as fretting was never 
 my forte, I never let Mary perceive that anything had gone 
 wrong, and managed so well in this respect, that my good 
 spirits raised hers, and we set out for London one fine sun- 
 shiny morning as happy a looking couple as ever travelled 
 the north road. 
 
 " When we arrived at the 'Clarendon,' my first care was 
 to get into a cab, and drive to Harley Street. 1 rung the 
 bell ; and not waiting to ask if my aunt was at home, I dashed 
 upstairs to the drawing-room ; in 1 bolted, and instead of 
 the precise old Lady Lilford sitting at her embroidery, with 
 her fat poodle beside her, beheld a strapping looking fellow, 
 with a black mustache, making fierce love to a young lady 
 on a sofa beside him. 
 
 " ' Why, how is this — 1 really — there must be some mis- 
 take here.' In my heart 1 knew that such doings in my good 
 aunt's dwelling were impossible. 
 
 "'I should suspect there is,' drawled out he of the 
 mustache, as he took a very cool survey of me through his 
 glass. 
 
 " " Is Lady Lilford at home, may I ask?" said 1, in a very 
 apologetic tone of voice. 
 
 '• ' I haven't the honor of her ladyship's acquaintance,' re-
 
 432 HARRY LOR&EQUER. 
 
 plied he in a lisp, evidently enjoying my perplexity, which 
 was every moment becoming more evident. 
 
 " ' But this is her house,' said I, ' at least ' 
 
 " ' Lady Lilford is at Paris, sir,' said the young lady, who 
 now spoke for the first time. ' Papa has taken the house for 
 the season, and that may perhaps account for your mistake.' 
 
 •• What I muttered by way of apology for my intrusion 
 I know not ; but I stammered — the young lady blushed — 
 the beau chuckled and turned to the window, and when I 
 found myself in the street, I scarcely knew whether to laugh 
 at my blunder, or curse my disappointment. 
 
 " The next morning I called upon my aunt's lawyer, and 
 having obtained her address in Paris, sauntered to the ' Junior 
 Club,' to write her a letter before post hour. As I scanned 
 over the morning papers, I could not help smiling at the 
 (laming paragraph which announced my marriage to the only 
 daughter and heiress of the millionaire, Colonel Kamworth. 
 Not well knowing how to open the correspondence with my 
 worthy relative, I folded the paper containing the news, and 
 addressed it to 'Lady Lilford, Hotel de Bristol, Paris.' 
 
 " When I arrived at the ' Clarendon,' I found my wife and 
 her maid surrounded by cases and bandboxes ; laces, satins, 
 and velvets were displayed on all sides, while an emissary 
 from ' Storr & Mortimer ' was arranging a grand review of 
 jewelry on a side-table ■ one half of which would have ruined 
 the Rajah of Mysore to purchase. My advice was imme- 
 diately called into requisition ; and pressed into service, I had 
 nothing left for it but to canvass, criticise, and praise, between 
 times, which I did with a good grace, considering that I 
 anticipated the ' Fleet ' for every flounce of Valenciennes 
 lace ; and could not help associating a rich diamond aigrette 
 with hard labor for life and the climate of New South Wales. 
 The utter abstraction I was in led to some awkward contre- 
 temps ; and as my wife's enthusiasm for the purchases in- 
 creased, so did my reverie gain ground. 
 
 " ' Is it not beautiful, Jack — how delicately worked — it must 
 have taken a long time to do it ! 
 
 "'Seven years,' I muttered, as my thoughts' ran upon a 
 very different topic. 
 
 " ' ( )h, no not SO much,' said she, laughing ; ' and it must 
 be such a hard thing to do.' 
 
 " ' Not half so hard as carding wool or pounding oyster 
 shells.'
 
 HARK Y LORREQUER. 433 
 
 " ' How absurd you are. Well, I'll take this, it will look 
 so well in ' 
 
 " ' Botany Bay,' said I, with a sigh, that set all the party 
 laughing, which at last roused me, and enabled me to join in 
 the joke. 
 
 u As, at length, one half of the room became filled with 
 millinery and the other glittered with jewels and bijouterie, 
 my wife grew weary with her exertions, and we found our- 
 selves alone. 
 
 " When I told her that my aunt had taken up her resi- 
 dence in Paris, it immediately occurred to her how pleasant 
 it would be to go there, too ; and, although I concurred in 
 the opinion for very different reasons, it was at length de- 
 cided we should do so ; and the only difficulty now existed 
 as to the means, for though the daily papers teem with ' four 
 ways to go from London to Paris,' they all resolved them- 
 selves into one, and that one, unfortunately to me, the most 
 difficult and impracticable — by money. 
 
 " There was, however, one last resource open, the sale of 
 my commission. I will not dwell upon what it cost me to 
 resolve upon this — the determination was a painful one, but 
 it was soon come to, and before five o'clock that day Cox & 
 Greenwood had got their instructions to sell out for me, and 
 had advanced a thousand pounds of the purchase. Our bill 
 settled — the waiters bowing to the ground (it is your ruined 
 man that is always most liberal), the post-horses harnessed 
 and impatient for the road, I took my place beside my wife, 
 while my valet held a parasol over the soubrette in the rum- 
 ble, all in the approved fashion of those who have an un- 
 limited credit with Coutts & Drummond ; the whips cracked, 
 the leaders capered, and with a patronizing bow to the pro- 
 prietor of the ' Clarendon,' away we rattled to Dover. 
 
 " After the usual routine of sea-sickness, fatigue, and 
 poisonous cookery, we reached Paris on the fifth day, and 
 put up at the ' Hotel de Londres, Place Vendome.' 
 
 " To have an adequate idea of the state of my feelings as 
 I trod the splendid apartments of this princely hotel, sur- 
 rounded by every luxury that wealth can procure or taste 
 suggest, you must imagine the condition of a man who is re- 
 galed with a sumptuous banquet on the eve of his execution. 
 The inevitable termination to all my present splendor was 
 never for a moment absent from my thoughts, and the secrecy 
 with which I was obliged to conceal my feelings formed one 
 
 28
 
 434 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 of the greatest sources of my misery. The coup, when it does 
 come, will be sad enough ; and poor Mary may .is well have 
 the comfort of the deception, as long as it lasts, without 
 suffering as I do. Such was the reasoning by which I met 
 every resolve to break to her the real state of our finances, 
 and such the frame of mind in which I spent my days at 
 Paris, the only really unhappy ones I can ever charge my 
 memory with. 
 
 " We had scarcely got settled in the hotel when my aunt, 
 who inhabited the opposite side of the ' Place,' came over to 
 see us and wish us joy. She had seen the paragraph in the 
 Post, and, like all other people with plenty of money, fully 
 approved a match like mine. 
 
 " She was delighted with Mary, and, despite the natural 
 reserve of the old maiden lady, became actually cordial, and 
 invited us to dine with her that day, and every succeeding 
 one we might feel disposed to do so. So far so well, thought 
 I, as 1 offered her my arm to see her home ; but if she knew 
 of what value even this small attention is to us, am I quite so 
 sure she would offer it ? However, no time is to be lost. I 
 cannot live in this state of hourly agitation ; I must make 
 some one the confidant of my sorrows, and none so fit as she, 
 who can relieve as well as advise upon them. Although such 
 was my determination, yet somehow I could not pluck up 
 courage for the effort. My aunt's congratulations upon my 
 good luck made me shrink from the avowal ; and while she 
 ran on upon the beauty and grace of my wife, topics I fully 
 concurred in, I almost chimed in with her satisfaction at the 
 prudential and proper motives which led to the match. 
 Twenty times I was on the eve of interrupting her and saying, 
 ' But, madam, 1 am a beggar— my wife has not a shilling — 
 1 have absolutely nothing — her father disowns us— my com- 
 mission is sold, and in three weeks the " Hotel de Londres " 
 and the " Palais Royal" willbesome hundred pounds richer, 
 and 1 without the fare of a cab to drive me to the Seine to 
 drown myself.' 
 
 " Such were my thoughts ; but whenever I endeavored to 
 speak then), some confounded fulness in my throat nearly 
 choked me; my temples throbbed, my hands trembled, and 
 whether it was shame or the sickness of despair, ! cannot say; 
 but the words would not < ome, and all that 1 could get out 
 was some flattery of my wife's beauty, or some vapid eulogy 
 upon my own cleverness in securing such a prize. To give
 
 //,/ kit ) " LORRF.Qrr.h'. 435 
 
 you in one brief sentence an idea of my state, Harry — know 
 then, that though loving Mary with all my heart and soul, as 
 I felt she deserved to be loved, fifty times a day, I would have 
 given my life itself that you had been the successful man, on 
 the morning I carried her off, and that Jack Waller was once 
 more a bachelor, to see the only woman he ever loved, the wife 
 of another. 
 
 " But this is growing tedious, Harry, I must get over the 
 ground faster ; two months passed over at Paris, during which 
 we continued to live at the ' Londres,' giving dinners, soirees, 
 dejeuners, with the prettiest equipage in the ' Champs Ely- 
 sees ; ' we were quite the mode ; my wife, which is rare enough 
 for an Englishwoman, knew how to dress herself. Our even- 
 ing parties were the most recherche things going, and if I 
 were capable of partaking of any pleasure in the eclat, I had 
 my share, having won all the pigeon matches in the Bois de 
 Boulogne, and beaten Lord Henry Seymour himself in a 
 steeple-chase. The continual round of occupation in which 
 pleasure involves a man is certainly its greatest attraction — 
 reflection is impossible — the present is too full to admit any 
 of the past, and very little of the future ; and even I, with all 
 my terrors awaiting me, began to feel a half indifference to 
 the result in the manifold cares of my then existence. To this 
 state of fatalism — for such it was becoming — had I arrived, 
 when the vision was dispelled in a moment, by a visit from 
 my aunt, who came to say that, some business requiring her 
 immediate presence in London, she was to set out that even- 
 ing, but hoped to find us in Paris on her return. I was 
 thunderstruck at the news, for, although as yet I had obtained 
 no manner of assistance from the old lady, yet I felt that her 
 very presence was a kind of security to us, and that in every 
 sudden emergency she was there to apply to. My money was 
 nearly expended, the second and last instalment of my com- 
 mission was all that remained, and much of even that I owed 
 to trades-people. I now resolved to speak out — the worst 
 must be known, thought I, in a few days — and now or never 
 be it. So saying, I drew my aunt's arm within my own, and 
 telling her that I wished a few minutes' conversation alone, 
 led her to one of the less frequented walks in the Tuileries 
 gardens. When we had got sufficiently far to be removed 
 from all listeners, I began then — 'My dearest aunt, what I 
 have suffered in concealing from you so long the subject of 
 my present confession will plead as my excuse in not mak
 
 436 HARRY LORRl-\U 'A/v\ 
 
 iog you sooner my confidante.' When I had got thus far the 
 agitation of my aunt was such, that I could not venture to 
 say more for a minute or two. At length she said, in a kind 
 of hurried whisper, ' Go on ; ' and although then I would have 
 given all I possessed in the world to have continued, I could 
 not speak a word. 
 
 " ' Dear John, what is it ? anything about Mary, — for 
 heaven's sake, speak.' 
 
 " ' Yes, dearest aunt, it is about Mary, and entirely about 
 Mary.' 
 
 " ' Ah, dear me, I feared it long since ; but then, John, con- 
 sider she is very handsome — very much admired — and ' 
 
 " 'That makes it all the heavier, my dear aunt— the prouder 
 her present position, the more severely will she feel the 
 reverse.' 
 
 " ' Oh, but surely, John, your fears must exaggerate the 
 danger.' 
 
 " ■ Nothing of the kind — I have not words to tell you ' 
 
 " ' Oh dear, oh dear, don't say so,' said the old lady, blush- 
 ing, 'for though I have often remarked a kind of gay flirting 
 manner she has with men — I am sure she means nothing by 
 it — she is so young — and so ' 
 
 " I stopped, stepped forward, and looking straight in my 
 aunt's face, broke out into a fit of laughter, that she, mistak- 
 ing for hysterical from its violence, nearly fainted upon the 
 spot. 
 
 " As soon as I could sufficiently recover gravity to explain 
 to my aunt her mistake, I endeavored to do so, but so ludi- 
 crous was the contretemps, and so ashamed the old lady for 
 her gratuitous suspicions, that she would not listen to a word, 
 and begged me to return to her hotel. Such an unexpected 
 turn to my communication routed all my plans, and after a 
 very awkward silence of some minutes on both sides, I mum- 
 bled something about our expensive habits of life, costly 
 equipage, number of horses, etc., and hinted at the propriety 
 of retrenchment. 
 
 '" Mary rides beautifully,' said my aunt, dryly. 
 
 " ' Yes ; but, my dear aunt, it was not exactly of that I was 
 going to speak ; for, in fact ' 
 
 " ' Oh, John,' said she, interrupting, ' I know your delicacy 
 too well to suspect; but, in fact, I have myself perceived what 
 you allude to, and wished very much to have some conversa- 
 \ion with you on the subject.'
 
 HARRY L ORREQ UER. 43 7 
 
 " ' Thank God,' said I to myself, ' at length we understand 
 each other ; and the ice is broken at last.' 
 
 "'Indeed, I think I have anticipated your wish in the 
 matter; but as time presses, and I must look after all ray 
 packing, I shall say good-bye for a few weeks, and in the 
 evening, Jepson, who stays here, will bring "what I mean," 
 over to your hotel ; once more, then, good-bye.' 
 
 " ' Good-bye, my dearest, kindest friend,' said I, taking a 
 most tender adieu of the old lady. ' What an excellent creat- 
 ure she is,' said I, half aloud, as I turned toward home ; 
 ' how considerate, how truly kind, to spare me, too, all the 
 pain of explanation. Now I begin to breathe once more. If 
 there be a flask of Johannisberg in the " Londres," I'll drink 
 your health this day, and so shall Mary ; ' so saying, I entered 
 the hotel with a lighter heart, and a firmer step than ever it 
 had been my fortune to do hitherto. 
 
 "'We shall miss the old lady, I'm sure, Mary, she is so 
 kind.' 
 
 " 'Oh ! indeed she is ; but then, John, she is such a prude.' 
 
 " Now I could not help recurring in my mind to some of 
 the conversation in the Tuileries garden, and did not feel 
 exactly at ease. 
 
 " ' Such a prude, and so very old-fashioned in her notions.' 
 
 " ' Yes, Mary,' said I, with more gravity than she was 
 prepared for, ' she is a prude ; but I am not certain that in 
 foreign society, where less liberties are tolerated than in our 
 country, if such a bearing be not wiser.' What I was going 
 to plunge into, heaven knows, for the waiter entered at the 
 moment, and presenting me with a large and carefully sealed 
 package, said, ' de la part de mi ladi Lilfore,' — ' but stay, here 
 comes, if I am not mistaken, a -better eulogy upon my dear 
 aunt than any I can pronounce.' 
 
 " ' How heavy it is,' said I to myself, balancing the parcel 
 in my hand. ' There is no answer,' said I, aloud, to the 
 waiter, who stood as if expecting one. 
 
 " ' The servant wishes to have some acknowledgment in 
 writing, sir, that it has been delivered into your own hands.' 
 
 " ' Send him here, then,' said I. 
 
 " Jepson entered ; ' Well, George, your parcel is all right, 
 and here is a Napoleon to drink my health.' 
 
 " Scarcely had the servants left the room, when Mary, 
 whose curiosity was fully roused, rushed over, and tried to 
 get the packet from me ; after a short struggle I yielded, and
 
 438 harry /.ona'/-:qc/:a'. 
 
 she flew to the end of the room, and tearing open the seals, 
 several papers fell to the ground ; before I could have time 
 to snatch them up she had read some lines written on the 
 envelope, and turning toward me, threw her arms around my 
 neck, and said, 'Yes, Jack, she is, indeed, all you have said ; 
 look here ; ' I turned and read — with what feeling I leave 
 you to guess — the following : 
 
 "' Dear Nkphew and Niece,— The inclosed will convey 
 to you, with my warmest wishes for your happiness, a ticket 
 on the Frankfort lottery, of which I inclose the scheme. I 
 also take the opportunity of saying that T have purchased the 
 Hungarian pony for Mary — which we spoke of this morning. 
 It is at Johnson's stable, and will be delivered on sending 
 for it.' 
 
 " ' Think of that, Jack, the Borghese pony, with the silkv 
 tail, mine ! Oh ! what a dear good old soul ! It was the very 
 thing of all others I longed for, for they told me the princess 
 had refused every offer for it.' 
 
 " While Mary ran on in this strain, I sat mute and stupefied ; 
 the sudden reverse my hopes had sustained deprived me, 
 for a moment, of all thought, and it was several minutes 
 before I could rightly take in the full extent of my misfor- 
 tunes. 
 
 " How that crazy old maid, — for such, alas, I called her to 
 myself now, — could have so blundered all my meaning — -how 
 she could so palpably have mistaken, I could not conceive ; 
 what a remedy for a man overwhelmed with debt — a ticket 
 in a German lottery, and a cream-colored pony, as if my 
 whole life had not been one continued lottery, with every 
 day a blank ; and as to horses, I had eleven in my stable 
 already. Perhaps she thought twelve would read better in 
 my schedule, when I, next week, surrendered as insolvent. 
 
 '• I nable to bear the delight, the childish delight of Mary, 
 on her new acquisition, I rushed out of the house, and 
 wandered for several hours in the Boulevards. At last I 
 summoned up courage to tell my wife. I once more turned 
 toward home, and entered her dressing-room, where she was 
 having her hair dressed for a ball at the Embassy. My 
 resolution failed me — not now, thought I — to-morrow will do 
 as well ; one night more of happiness for her, and then — I 
 looked on with pleasure and pride, as ornament after orna-
 
 HA RR Y LORRJ. ( UER. 439 
 
 ment, brilliant with diamonds and emeralds, shone in her 
 hair, and upon her arms, still heightening her beauty, and 
 lighting up with a dazzling brilliancy her lovely figure. But 
 it must come — and whenever the hour arrives — the reverse 
 will be fully as bitter; besides, lam able now — and when 
 I may again be so, who can tell? — now, then, be it, said I, 
 as 1 told the waiting-maid to retire ; and taking a chair beside 
 my wife, put my arm around her. 
 
 " ' There, John, dearest, take care ; don't you see you'll 
 crush all that great affair of Malines lace that Rosetta has 
 been breaking her heart to manage this half-hour. 
 
 " ' Et puis,' said I. 
 
 " ' Et puis, I could not go to the ball, naughty boy. I 
 am bent on great conquest to-night ; so pray don't mar such 
 good intentions.' 
 
 " ' And you should be greatly disappointed were you not 
 to go ? ' 
 
 " ' Of course I should ; but what do you mean ; is there 
 any reason why I should not ? You are silent, John — speak 
 — oh, speak — has anything occurred to my ' 
 
 " ' No, no, dearest — nothing that I know has occurred to 
 the Colonel.' 
 
 " ' Well, then, who is it ? Oh, tell me at once.' 
 
 " ' Oh, my dear, there's no one in the case but ourselves ; ' 
 so saying, despite the injunction about the lace, I drew her 
 toward me, and in as few words, but as clearly as I was able, 
 explained all our circumstances — my endeavor to better 
 them — my hopes — my fears — and now my bitter disappoint- 
 ment, if not despair. 
 
 " The first shock over, Mary showed not only more cour- 
 age, but more sound sense than I could have believed. 
 All the frivolity of her former character vanished at the first 
 touch of adversity ; just as of old, Harry, we left the tinsel of 
 our gay jackets behind, when active service called upon us 
 for something more sterling. She advised, counselled, and 
 encouraged me by turns ; and in half an hour the most 
 poignant regret I had was in not having sooner made her 
 my confidante and checked the progress of our enormous 
 expenditure somewhat earlier. 
 
 " I shall not detain you much longer. In three weeks 
 we sold our carriages and horses ; our pictures (we had begun 
 this among other extravagances) and our china followed ; 
 and under the plea of health set out for Baden ; not one
 
 44.0 HARRY LOKREQUER. 
 
 among our Paris acquaintances ever Suspecting the real 
 reason of our departure, and never attributing any moneyed 
 difficulties to us — for we paid our debts. 
 
 "The same day we left Paris, 1 dispatched a letter to my 
 aunt, explaining fully all about us, and suggesting that as I 
 had now left the army forever, perhaps she would interest 
 some of her friends — and she has powerful ones — to do some- 
 thing for me. 
 
 " After some little loitering on the Rhine, we fixed upon 
 Hesse Cassel for our residence. It was very quiet— very 
 cheap. The country around picturesque, and last but not 
 least, there was not an Englishman in the neighborhood. 
 The second week after our arrival, brought us letters from my 
 aunt. She had settled four hundred a year upon us for the 
 present, and sent the first year in advance ; promised us a 
 visit as soon as we were ready to receive her ; and pledged 
 herself not to forget when an opportunity of serving me 
 should offer. 
 
 " From that moment to this," said Jack, " all has gone well 
 with us. We have, it is true, not many luxuries, but we have 
 no wants, and, better still, no debts. The dear old aunt is 
 always making us some little present or other; and some- 
 how I have a kind of feeling that better luck is still in store ; 
 but faith, I Iarry, as long as I have a happy home, and a warm 
 fireside, for a friend when he drops in upon me, I scarcely 
 can say that better luck need be wished for." 
 
 " There is only one point, Jack, you have not enlightened 
 me upon, how came you here ? You are some hundred miles 
 from Hesse, in your present chateau." 
 
 " Oh ! by Jove, that was a great omission in my narrative ; 
 but come, this will explain it ; see here : " so saying, he drew 
 from a little drawer a large lithographic print of a magnifi- 
 cent castellated building, with towers and bastions, keep, 
 moat, and even drawbridge, and the walls bristling with 
 cannon, and an eagled banner floating proudly above them. 
 
 "What in the name of the Sphynxes is this ? " 
 
 "There," said Jack, "is the Schloss von Eberhausen ; or, 
 if you like it in English, Eberhausen Castle, as it was in the 
 year of the deluge; for the present mansion that we are now 
 sipping our wine in bears no very close resemblance to it. 
 But to make the mystery clear, this was the great prize in 
 the I rankforl lotterv, the tit kit of which mv aunt's first note 
 contained, and which we were fortunate enough to win. We
 
 J/AA'A'V LOA' A' /■(>{ '/-:a>. 441 
 
 li iVe only been here a few weeks, and though the affair looks 
 somewhat meagre, we have hopes that in a little time, and 
 with some pains, much may be done to make it habitable. 
 There is a capital chasse of some hundred acres, plenty of 
 wood and innumerable rights, seignorial, manorial, etc., which, 
 fortunately for my neighbors, I neither understand nor care 
 for; and we are, therefore, the best friends in the world. 
 Among others I am styled the graf or count " 
 
 " Well, then, Monsieur Le Comte, do you intend favoring 
 me with your company at coffee this evening ? for already it 
 is ten o'clock ; and considering my former claim upon Mr. 
 Lorrequer, you have let me enjoy very little of hi-s society." 
 
 We now adjourned to the drawing-room, where we gossiped 
 away till past midnight ; and I retired to my room, meditat- 
 ing over Jack's adventures, and praying in my heart that, 
 despite all his mischances, my own might end as happily. 
 
 CHAPTER LII. 
 
 MUNICH. 
 
 The rest and quietness of the preceding day had so far 
 recovered me from the effects of my accident that I resolved, 
 as soon as breakfast was over, to take my leave of my kind 
 friends and set out for Munich. 
 
 " We shall meet to-night, Harry,** said Waller, as we parted 
 — -"we shall meet at the Casino — and don't forget that the 
 Croix Blanche is your hotel ; and Schnetz, the tailor in the 
 Grand Place, will provide you with everything you need in 
 the way of dress." 
 
 This latter piece of information was satisfactory, inasmuch 
 as the greater part of my luggage, containing my uniform, etc., 
 had been left in the French diligence ; and as the ball was 
 patronized by the court, I was greatly puzzled how to make 
 my appearance. 
 
 Bad roads and worse horses made me feel the few leagues 
 I had to go the most tiresome part of my journey. But, of 
 course, in this feeling impatience had its share. A few hours 
 more, and my fate should be decided ; and yet I thought the 
 time would never come. If the Callonbys should not arrive 
 i — if, again, my evil star be in the ascendant, and any new
 
 442 HARRY LORREQi . 
 
 impediment to our meeting arise — but 1 cannot, will not, 
 think this. Fortune must surely be tired of persecuting me 
 by this time, and, even to sustain her old character for fickle- 
 ness, must befriend me now. Ah ! here we are in Munich 
 — and this is the Croix Blanche — what a dingy old mansion ! 
 Beneath a massive porch, supported by heavy stone pillars, 
 stood the stout figure of Andreas Behr, the host. A white 
 napkin, fastened in one buttonhole, and hanging gracefully 
 down beside him — a soup-ladle held sceptre-wise in his right 
 hand, and the grinding motion of his nether jaw, all showed 
 that he had risen from his table d'hote to welcome the new 
 arrival ; and certainly, if noise and uproar might explain the 
 phenomenon, the clatter of my equipage over the pavement 
 might have raised the dead. 
 
 While my postilion was endeavoring by mighty efforts, with 
 a heavy stone, to turn the handle of the door, and thus liber- 
 ate me from my cage, I perceived that the host came forward 
 and said something to him — on replying to which he ceased 
 his endeavors to open the door, and looked vacantly about 
 him. Upon this I threw down the sash, and called out : 
 
 " I say, is not this the Croix Blanche ? " 
 
 '• Ya," said the man-mountain with the napkin. 
 
 " Well, then, open the door, pray — I'm going to stop here." 
 
 "Nein." 
 
 " No ! What do you mean by that ? Has not Lord Cal- 
 lonby engaged rooms here ? " 
 
 " Ya." 
 
 '• Well, then, I am a particular friend of his, and will stay 
 here also." 
 
 " Nein." 
 
 " What the devil are you at, with your ya and nein ? " said 
 I. " Has your confounded tongue nothing better than a 
 monosyllable to reply with." 
 
 Whether disliking the tone the controversy was assuming, 
 or remembering that his dinner waited, I know not, but at 
 these words my fat friend turned leisurely round, and wad- 
 dled back into the house ; where, in a moment after, I had 
 the pleasure of beholding him at the head of a long table, 
 distributing viands with a very different degree of activity 
 from what he displayed in dialogue. 
 
 With one vigorous jerk, I dashed open the door, upsetting, 
 at the same time, the poor postilion, who had recommenced 
 his operations on the lock, and, foaming with passion, strode
 
 HARRY LORREQGER. .1.4.5 
 
 into the " salle a manger.'' Nothing js such an immediate 
 damper to any sudden explosion of temper, as the placid and 
 unconcerned faces of a number of people, who, ignorant of 
 yourself and your peculiar miseries at the moment, seem only 
 to regard you as a madman. This I felt strongly, as, flushed 
 in face and tingling in my fingers, I entered the room. 
 
 " Take my luggage," said I to a gaping waiter, " and place 
 a chair there; do you hear? " 
 
 There seemed, I suppose, something in my looks that did 
 not admit of much parley, for the man made room for me at 
 once at the table, and left the room, as if to discharge the 
 other part of my injunction, without saying a word. As I 
 arranged my napkin before me, I was collecting my energies 
 and my German, as well as I was able, for the attack of the 
 host, which I anticipated, from his recent conduct, must now 
 ensue ; but, greatly to my surprise, he sent me my soup 
 without a word, and the dinner went on without any interrup- 
 tion. When the dessert had made its appearance, I beck- 
 oned the waiter toward me, and asked what the landlord 
 meant by his singular reception of me. The man shrugged 
 his shoulders, and raised his eyebrows without speaking, as 
 if to imply, " It's his way." 
 
 "Well, then, no matter," said I. "Have you sent'my 
 luggage upstairs ? " 
 
 " No, sir, there is no room — the house is full." 
 
 " The house full ! Confound it ! — this is too provoking. I 
 have most urgent reasons for wishing to stay here. Cannot 
 you make some arrangement ? — see about it, waiter." I here 
 slipped a Napoleon into the fellow's hand, and hinted that 
 as much more awaited the finale of the negotiation. 
 
 In about a minute after, I perceived him behind the host's 
 chair, pleading my cause with considerable energy ; but to 
 my complete chagrin, I heard the other answer all his 
 eloquence by a loud " Nein," that he grunted out in such a 
 manner as closed the conference. 
 
 " I cannot succeed, sir," said the man, as he paused 
 behind me : " but don't leave the house till I speak with you 
 again." 
 
 " What confounded mystery is there in all this ? " thought 
 I. " Is there anything so suspicious in my look or appear- 
 ance that the old bear in the fur cap will not even admit me ? 
 What can it all mean ? One thing I am resolved upon — 
 nothing less than force shall remove me."
 
 444 &A A'A J Y LOKRKQ UER. 
 
 So saying, I lit my cigar, and in order to give the waiter 
 an opportunity of conferring with me unobserved by his 
 master, walked out into the porch and sat down. 
 
 In a few minutes he joined me, and after a stealthy look 
 on each side, said : 
 
 " The Herr Andreas is a hard man to deal with, and when 
 I: • says a thing, never goes back of it. Now he has been 
 xpecting the new English Charge d'Affaires here these last 
 ten days, and has kept the hotel half empty in consequence : 
 and as mi Lor Callonby has engaged the other half, why we 
 have nothing to do ; so that when he asked the postilion if 
 you were mi lor, and found that you were not, he determined 
 not to admit you." 
 
 " But why not have the civility to explain that ? " 
 
 *' He seldom speaks, and when he does, only a word or 
 two at a time. He is quite tired with what he has gone 
 through to-day, and will retire very early to bed ; and for 
 this reason I have requested you to remain, for as he never 
 ventures upstairs, I will then manage to give you one of the 
 ambassador's rooms, which, even if he come, he'll never miss. 
 So that if you keep quiet, and do not attract any particular 
 attention toward you, all will go well." 
 
 Tills advice seemed so reasonable, that I determined to 
 follow it, any inconvenience being preferable, provided I 
 could be under the same roof with my beloved Jane ; and 
 from the waiter's account, there seemed no doubt whatever 
 of their arrival that evening. In order, therefore, to follow 
 his injunctions to the letter, I strolled out toward the Place 
 in search of a tailor, and also to deliver a letter from Waller 
 to the chamberlain, to provide me with a card for the ball. 
 Monsieur Schnetz, who was the very pinnacle of politeness, 
 was, nevertheless, in fact, nearly as untractable as my host 
 of the " Cross." All his " sujets " were engaged in prepar- 
 ing a suit for the English Charge d'Affaires, whose trunks 
 had been sent in a wrong direction, and who had dispatched 
 a courier from Frankfort to order a uniform. This second 
 thwarting, and from the same source, so nettled me, that 1 
 greatly fear all my respect for the Foreign Office, and those 
 who live thereby, would not have saved them from some- 
 thing most unlike a blessing, had not Monsieur Schnetz saved 
 diplomacy from such a desecration by saying, that if 1 could 
 content myself with a plain suit, such as civilians wore, he 
 would do his endeavor to accommodate me,
 
 HARR Y LORREQl r ER. 445 
 
 "Anything, Monsieur Schnetz — dress me like the Pope's 
 Nuncio, or the Mayor of London, if you like, but only enable 
 me to go." 
 
 Although my reply did not seem to convey a very exalted 
 idea of my taste in costume to the worthy artiste, it at least 
 evinced my anxiety for the ball ; and running his measure 
 over me, he assured me that the dress he would provide was 
 both well looking and becoming ; adding, " At nine o'clock, 
 sir, you'll have it, exactly the same size as his excellency 
 the Charge dAffaires." 
 
 " Confound the Charge' d' Affaires ! " I added, and left the 
 house. 
 
 CHAPTER LIII. 
 
 INN AT MUNICH. 
 
 As I had never been in Munich before, I strolled about 
 the town till dusk. At that time the taste of the present king 
 had not enriched the capital with the innumerable objects of 
 art which render it now second to none in Europe. There 
 were, indeed, then but few attractions — narrow streets, tall, 
 unarchitectural-looking houses, and gloomy, unimpressive 
 churches. Tired of this, I turned toward my inn, wondering 
 in my mind if Antoine had succeeded in procuring me the 
 room, or whether yet I should be obliged to seek my lodging 
 elsewhere. Scarcely had I entered the porch, when I found 
 him waiting my arrival, candle in hand. He conducted me 
 at once up the wide oaken stair, then along the gallery, into 
 a large wainscoted room, with a most capacious bed. A 
 cheerful wood-fire burned and crackled away in the grate, 
 the cloth was already spread for supper (remember it was in 
 Germany), the newspapers of the day were placed before me, 
 and, in a word, every attention showed that I had found the 
 true avenue to Antoine's good graces, who now stood bowing 
 before me, in apparent ecstasy at his own cleverness.' 
 
 " All very well done, Antoine, and now for supper — order 
 it yourself for me, I never can find my way in a German 
 'carte de diner; ' and be sure to have a fiacre here at nine, 
 nine precisely." 
 
 Antoine withdrew, leaving me to my own reflections, which 
 now, if not gloomy, were still of the most anxious kind,
 
 446 . HARR \ ' L ORR£( > I r £R. 
 
 Scarcely was the supper placed upon the table, when a 
 tremendous tramping of horses along the street, and loud 
 cracking of whips, announced a new arrival. 
 
 "Here they are," said I, as, springing up, 1 upset the 
 soup, and nearly threw the roti into Antoine's face, as he was 
 putting it before me. 
 
 Downstairs I rushed, through the hall, pushing aside 
 waiters and overturning chambermaids in my course. The 
 carriage was already at the door. Now for a surprise, 
 thought I, as I worked through the crowd in the porch, and 
 reached the door just as the steps were clattered down, and 
 a gentleman began to descend, whom twenty expectant voices, 
 now informed of his identity, welcomed as the new Charge 
 d' Affaires. 
 
 "May all the " 
 
 What I wished for his excellency it would not be polite to 
 repeat, nor most discreet even to remember ; but, certes, I 
 mounted the stairs with as little good-will toward the envoy 
 extraordinary as was consistent with due loyalty. 
 
 When once more in my room, I congratulated myself that 
 now at least no more " false stars " could occur — " the eternal 
 Charge' d'Affaires, of whom I have been hearing sine.: my 
 arrival, cannot come twice — he is here now, and I hope I'm 
 done with him." 
 
 The supper — some greasiness apart — was good ; the wine 
 excellent. My spirits were gradually rising, and 1 paced my 
 room in that mingled state of hope and fear, that, amid all its 
 anxieties, has such moments of ecstasy. A new noise with- 
 out — some rabble in the street ; hark, it comes nearer — I 
 hear the sound of wheels; yes, there go the horses — nearer 
 and nearer. Ah, it is dying away again — stay — yes, yes — 
 here it is — here they are. The noise and tumult without 
 now increased every instant — the heavy trot of six or eight 
 horses shook the very street, and I heard the round, dull, 
 rumbling sound of a heavy carriage, as it drew up at last at 
 the door of the inn. Why it was 1 knew not, but this lime I 
 could not stir ; my hearl beat almost loud enough for me f 
 hear ; my temples throbbed, and then a cold and clamni;, 
 perspiration came over me, and I sank into a chair. Fearing 
 that I was about to faint, sick as I was, I felt angry with 
 myself, and tried to rally, but could not, and only at length 
 was roused by hearing that the steps were let down, and
 
 //A A 1 A' Y L OKRKQ UEA\ 447 
 
 shortly after the tread of feet coming along the gallery to- 
 ward my room. 
 
 They are coming — she is coming, thought I. Now then 
 for my doom ! 
 
 There was some noise of voices outside ! I listened, f o • 
 I still felt unable to rise. The talking grew louder ; doors 
 were opened and shut ; then came a lull ; then more slamming 
 of doors, and more talking ; then all was still again ; and at 
 last I heard the steps of people as if retiring, and in a few 
 minutes after the carriage door was jammed to, and again 
 the heavy tramp of horses rattled over the pave. At this 
 instant Antoine entered. 
 
 " Well, Antoine," said I, in a voice trembling with weak- 
 ness and agitation, " not them yet ? " 
 
 " It was his Grace the Grand Marechal," said Antoine, 
 scarcely heeding my question, in the importance of the 
 illustrious visitor who had arrived. 
 
 " Ah, the Grand Marechal," said I, carelessly ; " does he 
 live here ? " 
 
 " Sapperment nein, Mein Herr ; but he has just been to pay 
 his respects to his excellency the new Charge d'Affaires." 
 
 In the name of all patience, I ask, who could endure this? 
 From the hour of my arrival I am haunted by this one image 
 — the Charge d'Affaires. For him I have been almost con- 
 demned to go houseless and naked ; and now the very most 
 sacred feelings of my heart are subject to his influence. I 
 walked up and clown in an agony. Another such disappoint- 
 ment, and my brain will turn, thought I, and they may write 
 my epitaph — " Died of love and a Charge' d'Affaires." 
 
 " It is time to dress," said the waiter. 
 
 " I could strangle him with my own hands," muttered I, 
 worked up into a real heat by the excitement of my passion. 
 
 " The Charge " 
 
 " Say that name again, villain, and I'll blow your brains 
 out," cried I, seizing Antoine by the throat, and pinning him 
 against the wall ; "only dare to mutter it, and you'll never 
 breathe another syllable." 
 
 The poor fellow grew green with terror, and fell upon his 
 knees before me. 
 
 " Get my dressing things ready," said I, in a more subdued 
 tone. " I did not mean to terrify you — but beware of what 
 t told you." 
 
 While Antoine occupied himself with the preparations for
 
 448 HA A'R \ ' /.OR A' /■( > I 7-7,'. 
 
 my toilet I sat broodingly over the wood embers, thinking of 
 my fate. 
 
 A knock came to the door. It was the tailor's servant 
 with my clothes. lie laid down the parcel and retired, while 
 Antoine proceeded to open it, and exhibit before me a blue 
 uniform with embroidered collar and cuffs — the whole, with- 
 out being gaudy, being sufficiently handsome, and quite as 
 showy as I could wish. 
 
 The poor waiter expressed his unqualified approval of 
 the costume, and talked away about the approaching ball as 
 something pre-eminently magnificent. 
 
 "You had better look after the fiacre, Antoine," said I ; 
 " it is past nine." 
 
 He walked toward the door, opened it, and then, turning 
 round, said, in a kind of low, confidential whisper, pointing 
 with the thumb of his left hand towards the wall of the room 
 as he spoke : 
 
 " He won't go ;• very strange that." 
 
 "Who do you mean?" said I, quite unconscious of the 
 allusion. 
 
 " The Charge d'Afif " 
 
 I made one spring at him, but he slammed the door to, 
 and before I could reach the lobby 1 heard him rolling from 
 top to bottom of the oak staircase, making noise enough in 
 his fall to account for the fracture of every bone in his 
 body. 
 
 CHAPTER LIV. 
 
 THE BALL. 
 
 As I was informed that the king would himself be present 
 at the ball, I knew that German etiquette required that the 
 company should arrive before his majesty ; and although 
 now and every minute I expected the arrival of theCallonbys, 
 I dared not defer my departure any longer. 
 
 "They are certain to be at the ball," said Waller, and 
 that sentence never left my mind. 
 
 So saying, I jumped into the fiacre, and in a few minutes 
 found myself in the long line of carriages that led to the 
 " Ilof saal." Anyone who has been in Munich will testify 
 with me that the ball-room is one of the most beautiful in
 
 j '/A A' A 1 1 ' /. OKREQ UER. 449 
 
 Europe, and to me, who for some time had not been living 
 much in the world, its splendor was positively dazzling. The 
 glare of the chandeliers — the clang of the music — the mag- 
 nificence of the dresses — the beauty of the Bavarian women, 
 too, all surprised and amazed me. There were several hun- 
 dred people present, but the king not having yet arrived, 
 dancing had not commenced. Feeling as I then did, it was 
 rather a relief to me than otherwise that I knew no one. 
 There was quite amusement enough in walking through the 
 saloons, observing the strange costumes, and remarking the 
 various groups as they congregated around the trays of ices 
 and the champagne glace'e. The buzz of talking and the 
 sounds of laughter and merriment prevailed over even the 
 orchestra; and, as the gay crowds paraded the rooms, all 
 seemed pleasure and excitement. Suddenly a tremendous 
 noise was heard without — then came a loud roll of the drums, 
 which lasted for several seconds, and the clank of musketry 
 — then a cheer — it is the king. 
 
 " The king ! " resounded on all sides ; and in another 
 moment the large folding-doors at the end of the saal were 
 thrown open, and the music struck up the national anthem 
 of Bavaria. 
 
 His majesty entered, accompanied by the queen, his 
 brother, two or three archduchesses, and a long suite of 
 officers. 
 
 I could not help remarking upon the singular good taste 
 with which the assembly — all anxious and eager to catch a 
 glimpse of his majesty — behaved on this occasion. There 
 was no pressing forward to the " estrade " where he stood — 
 no vulgar curiosity evinced by any one, but the group con- 
 tinued, as before, to gather and scatter. The only difference 
 being, that the velvet chair and cushion, which had attracted 
 some observers before, were now, that they were tenanted by 
 royalty, passed with a deep and respectful salutation. How 
 proper this, thought I, and what an inducement for a monarch 
 to come among his people, who remember to receive him 
 with such true politeness ! While these thoughts were pass- 
 ing through my mind, as I was leaning against a pillar that 
 supported the gallery of the orchestra, a gentleman whose 
 dress, covered with gold and embroidery, bespoke him as 
 belonging to the court, eyed me aside with his lorgnette, and 
 then passed rapidly on. A quadrille was now forming near 
 me, and I was watching, with some interest, the proceeding, 
 
 29
 
 450 HARRY LORREQVER. 
 
 when the same figure that I remarked before approached 
 me, bowing deeply at every step, and shaking a very halo of 
 powder from his hair at each reverence. 
 
 •• May I take the liberty of introducing myself to you?" 
 said he. "Le Comte Benningsen." Here he bowed again, 
 and I returned the obeisance still deeper. " Regretted much 
 that I was not fortunate enough to make your acquaintance 
 this evening, when I called upon you." 
 
 " Never heard of that," said I to myself. 
 
 " Your excellency arrived this evening ? " 
 
 "Yes," said I, " only a few hours since." 
 
 " How fond these Germans are of titles," thought I. Re- 
 membering that in Vienna every one is " his grace," I thought 
 it might be Bavarian politeness to call eve^ one " his ex- 
 cellency." 
 
 " You have not been presented, I believe ? " 
 
 " No," said I, " but hope to make an early opportunity of 
 paying ' mes hommages ' to his majesty." 
 
 " I have just received his orders to present you now," 
 replied he, with another bow. 
 
 " The devil you have," thought I. " How very civil that." 
 And although I had heard innumerable anecdotes of the 
 free-and-easy habits of the Bavarian court, this certainly 
 surprised me, so that I actually, to prevent a blunder, said, 
 " Am I to understand you, Monsieur le Comte, that his 
 majesty was graciously pleased " 
 
 "If you will follow me," replied the courtier, motioning 
 with his chapeau ; and in another moment I was elbowing 
 my way through the mob of marquises and duchesses, on my 
 way to the raised platform where the king was standing. 
 
 " Heaven grant I have not misunderstood all he has been 
 saying," was my last thought as the crowd of courtiers fell 
 back on either side, and I found myself bowing before his 
 majesty. How the grand marechal entitled me I heard 
 not ; but when the king addressed me immediately in Eng- 
 lish, saying : 
 
 " I hope your excellency has had a good journey ? ' 
 
 I felt, " Come, there is no mistake here, Harry ; and it is 
 only another freak of fortune, who is now in good-humor 
 with you.'' 
 
 The king, who was a fine, tall, well-built man, with a large, 
 bushy mustache, possessed, though not handsome, a most 
 pleasing expression ; his utterance was very rapid, and his
 
 HARRY LOR REAVER. 45] 
 
 English none of the best ; so that it was with the greatest 
 difficulty I contrived to follow his questions, which came 
 thick as hail upon me. After some commonplaces about the 
 roads, the weather, and the season, his majesty said : 
 
 " My Lord Callonby has been residing some time here. 
 You know him ? " And then, not waiting for a reply, added, 
 " Pleasant person — well-informed — like him much, and his 
 daughters too, how handsome they are." Here I blushed, 
 and felt most awkwardly, while the king continued : 
 
 " Hope they will remain some time — quite an ornament to 
 our court. Monsieur le Comte, his excellency will dance." 
 I here muttered an apology about my sprained ankle, and 
 the king turned to converse with some of the ladies of the 
 court. His majesty's notice brought several persons now 
 around me, who introduced themselves ; and, in a quarter of 
 an hour, I felt myself surrounded by acquaintances each vying 
 with the other in showing me attention. 
 
 Worse places than Munich, Master Harry, thought I, as I 
 chaperoned a fat duchess, with fourteen quarterings, toward 
 the refreshment-room, and had just accepted invitations 
 enough to occupy me three weeks in advance. 
 
 " I have been looking everywhere for your excellency," 
 said the grand marechal, bustling his way to me, breathless 
 and panting. " His majesty desires you will make one of 
 his party at whist, so pray come at once." 
 
 " Figaro, qua, Figaro la," muttered I. " Never was man 
 in such request. God grant the whole royal family of Bavaria 
 be not mad, for this looks very like it. Lady Jane had better 
 look sharp, for I have only to throw my eyes on an arch- 
 duchess, to be king of the Tyrol some fine morning." 
 
 "You play whist, of course ; every Englishman does," said 
 the king ; " you shall be my partner." 
 
 Our adversaries were the Prince Maximilian, brother to 
 his majesty, and the Prussian ambassador. As I sat down 
 at the table, I could not help saying in my heart, " Now is 
 your time, Harry ; if my Lord Callonby should see you, your 
 fortune is made." Waller passed at this moment, and as he 
 saluted the king, I saw him actually start with amazement 
 as he beheld me — " Better fun this than figuring in the yellow 
 plush, Master Jack," I muttered as he passed on, actually 
 thunderstruck with amazement. But the game was begun, 
 and I was obliged to be attentive. We won the first game, 
 and the king was in immense good-humor as he took some
 
 45 2 II A KK Y L QSREQ I r ER. 
 
 franc pieces from the Prussian minister, who, small as the 
 stake was, seemed not to relish losing. His majesty now 
 complimented me upon my play, and was about to add some- 
 thing when he perceived some one in the crowd, and sent 
 an aid-de-camp for him. 
 
 " Ah, my lord, we expected you earlier," and then said 
 some words in too low a tone for me to hear, motioning 
 toward me as he spoke. If Waller was surprised at seeing 
 me where I was, it was nothing to the effect produced upon 
 the present party, whom I now recognized as Lord Callonby. 
 Respect for the presence we were in restrained any expres- 
 sion on either side, and a more ludicrous tableau than we 
 presented can scarcely be conceived. What I would have 
 given that the whist party was over, I need not say, and cer- 
 tainly his majesty's eulogy upon my play came too soon, for 
 I was now so " distrait and unhinged," my eyes wandering 
 from the table to see if Lady Jane was near, that I lost every 
 trick, and finished by revoking. The king rose half pettishly, 
 observing that " Son excellence a apparement perdu la tete," 
 and 1 rushed forward to shake hands with Lord Callonby, 
 totally forgetting the royal censure in my delight at discover- 
 ing my friend. 
 
 " Lorrequer, I am indeed rejoiced to see you, and when 
 did you arrive ? " 
 
 " This evening." 
 
 " This evening ! and how the deuce have you contrived 
 already, eh ? Why, you seem quite chcz vous here ! " 
 
 " You shall hear all," said I, hastily ; " but is Lady Callonby 
 here ? " 
 
 " No ; Kilkee only is with me ; there he is figuranting 
 away in a galop. The ladies were too tired to come, particu- 
 larly as they dine at court to-morrow, the fatigue would be 
 rather much." 
 
 " I have his majesty's orders to invite your excellency to 
 dinner to-morrow," said the grand marechal coming up at 
 this instant. 
 
 I bowed my acknowledgments, and turned again to Lord 
 Callonby, whose surprise now seemed to have reached its 
 climax. 
 
 " Why, Lorrequer, I never heard of this ! When did you 
 adopt this new career?" Not understanding the gist of the 
 question, and conceiving that it applied to my success at 
 court, I answered at random, something about "falling upon
 
 HA RR Y LORREQUER. 453 
 
 my legs, good luck," etc., and once more returned to the 
 charge, inquiring most anxiously for Lady Callonby's health. 
 
 " Ah ! she is tolerably well. Jane is the only invalid, but 
 then we hope Italy will restore her." Just at this instant, 
 Kilkee caught my eye, and rushing over from his place be- 
 side his partner, shook me by both hands, saying : 
 
 " Delighted to see you here, Lorrequer, but as I can't stay 
 now, promise to sup with me to-night at the ' Cross.' " 
 
 I accepted, of course, and the next instant he was whirling 
 along in his waltz, with one of the most lovely German girls 
 I ever saw. Lord Callonby saw my admiration of her, and 
 as it were replying to my gaze, remarked : 
 
 " Yes, very handsome, indeed, but really Kilkee is going 
 too far with it. I rely upon you very much to reason him 
 out of his folly, and we have all agreed that you have the 
 most influence over him, and are most likely to be listened to 
 patiently." 
 
 Here was a new character assigned me, the confidential 
 friend and adviser of the family, trusted with a most delicate 
 and important secret, likely to bring me into most intimate 
 terms of intercourse with them all, for the"?£'<f" of Lord Cal- 
 lonby bespoke a family consultation, in which I was deputed 
 as the negotiator. I at once promised my assistance, saying 
 at the same time, that if Kilkee really was strongly attached, 
 and had also reason to suppose that the lady liked him, it was 
 not exactly fair ; that, in short, if the matter had gone beyond 
 flirtation, any interference of mine would be imprudent, if 
 not impertinent. Lord Callonby smiled slightly as he replied : 
 
 "Quite right, Lorrequer, I am just as much against con- 
 straint as yourself, if only no great barriers exist ; but here, 
 with a difference of religion, country, language, habits, in 
 fact, everything that can create disparity, the thing is not to 
 be thought of." 
 
 I suspected that his lordship read in my partial defence of 
 Kilkee a slight attempt to prop up my own case, and felt 
 confused and embarrassed beyond measure at the detection. 
 
 "Well, we shall have time enough for all this. Now, let 
 us hear something of my old friend Sir Guy. How is he 
 looking ? " 
 
 " I am unfortunately unable to give you any account of 
 him. I left Paris the very day before he was expected to 
 arrive there." 
 
 " Oh, then, I have all the news myself in that case, for in
 
 454 HARRY LORRKQCF.R. 
 
 his letter, which I received yesterday, he mentions that we 
 are not to expect him before Tuesday." 
 
 " Expect him ! Is he coming here, then ? " 
 
 " Yes. Why, I thought you were aware of that ; he has 
 been long promising to pay us a visit, and at last, by great 
 persuasion, we have succeeded in getting him across the sea, 
 and, indeed, were it not that he was coming, we should have 
 been in Florence before this." 
 
 A gleam of hope shot through my heart as I said to myself, 
 what can this visit mean ? and the moment after I felt sick, 
 almost to fainting, as I asked if " my cousin Guy were also 
 expected." 
 
 " Oh, yes. We shall want him, I should think," said Lord 
 Callonby, with a very peculiar smile. 
 
 I thought I should have fallen at these few words. Come, 
 Harry, thought I, it is better to learn your fate at once. 
 Now or never ; death itself were preferable to this continued 
 suspense. If the blow is to fall, it can scarcely sink me 
 lower than I now feel : so reasoning, I laid my hand upon 
 Lord Callonby's arm, and with a face as pale as death, and 
 a voice all inarticulate, said : 
 
 " My lord, you will pardon, I am sure " 
 
 " My dear Lorrequer," said his lordship, interrupting me, 
 " for heaven's sake, sit down. How ill you are looking, we 
 must nurse you, my poor fellow." 
 
 I sank upon a bench — the light danced before my eyes — 
 the clang of the music sounded like the roar of a waterfall, 
 and I felt a cold perspiration burst over my face and fore- 
 head ; at the same instant, I recognized Kilkee's voice, and 
 without well knowing why, or how, discovered myself in the 
 open air. 
 
 " Come, you are better now," said Kilkee, " and will be 
 quite well when you get some supper, and a little of the 
 Tokay his majesty has been good enough to send us." 
 
 " His majesty desires to know if his excellency is better," 
 said an aid-de-camp. 
 
 I muttered my most grateful acknowledgments. 
 
 " One of the court carriages is in waiting for your excel- 
 lency," said a venerable old gentleman in a tie wig, whom I 
 recognized as the Minister for Foreign Affairs — as he added 
 in a lower tone to Lord Callonby, " I fear he has been greatly 
 overworked lately — his exertions on the subject of the Greek 
 loan are well-known to his majesty."
 
 II A RR Y L ORRF.Q UER. 45 5, 
 
 " Indeed," said Lord Callonby, with a start of surprise, " I 
 never heard of that before." 
 
 If it had not been for that start of amazement, I should 
 have died of terror. It was the only thing that showed me 
 I was not out of my senses, which I now concluded the old 
 gentleman must be, for I never had heard of the Greek loan 
 in my life before. 
 
 " Farewell, mon cher colleague," said the venerable minis- 
 ter, as I got into the carriage, wondering, as well I might, 
 what singular band of brotherhood united one of his majes- 
 ty's — th with the Minister for Foreign Affairs of the Court 
 of Bavaria. 
 
 When I arrived at the White Cross, I found my nerves, 
 usually proof to anything, so shaken and shattered, that, fear- 
 ing, with the difficult game before me, any mistake, however 
 trivial, might mar all my fortunes forever, I said a good-night 
 to my friends, and went to bed. 
 
 CHAPTER LV. 
 
 A DISCOVERY. 
 
 u A note for monsieur," said the waiter, awaking me at 
 the same time from the soundest sleep and most delightful 
 dream. The billet was thus : 
 
 " If your excellency does not intend to slumber during the 
 next twenty-four hours, it might be as well to remember that 
 we are waiting breakfast. Ever yours, 
 
 "Kilkee." 
 
 " It is true, then," said I — following up the delusion of my 
 dreams : " it is true, I am really domesticated once more 
 with the Callonbys. My suit is prospering, and at length 
 the long-sought, long-hoped for moment is come " 
 
 " Well, Harry," said Kilkee, as he dashed open the door. 
 " Well, Harry, how are you ? — better than last night, I 
 hope ? " 
 
 " Oh, yes, considerably. In fact, I can't think what could 
 have been the matter with me ; but I felt confoundedly 
 uncomfortable."
 
 456 harr i ' /. orri\ > t '/:a: 
 
 "You did ! Why, man, what can you mean ; was it not a 
 joke ? " 
 
 " A joke ! " said I, with a start. 
 
 " Yes, to be sure. I thought it was only the sequel of the 
 other humbug." 
 
 " The sequel of the other humbug ! " Gracious mercy 1 
 thought I, getting pale with horror ; is it thus he ventures 
 to designate my attachment to his sister? 
 
 " Come, come, it's all over now. What the devil could 
 have persuaded you to push the thing so far ? " 
 
 " Really, I am so completely in the dark as to your mean- 
 ing, that I only get deeper in mystery by my chance replies. 
 What do you mean ? " 
 
 " What do T mean ! Why, the affair of last night, of course. 
 All Munich is full of it, and most fortunately for you, the 
 king has taken it all in the most good-humored way, and 
 laughs more than any one else about it." 
 
 Oh, then, thought I, I must have done or said something 
 last night, during my illness, that I can't remember now. 
 " Come, Kilkee, out with it. What happened last night, 
 that has served to amuse the good people of Munich ? for, 
 as I am a true man, I forgot all you are alluding to." 
 
 " And don't remember the Greek loan — eh ? " 
 
 " The Greek loan ! " 
 
 * And your excellency's marked reception by his majesty ? 
 By Jove, though, it was the rarest piece of impudence I ever 
 heard of : hoaxing a crowned head, quizzing one of the 
 Lord's anointed, is unpen tropfort" 
 
 " If you really do not wish to render me insane at once, 
 for the love of mercy say, in plain terms, what all this 
 means." 
 
 " Come, come, I see you are incorrigible ; but as breakfast 
 is waiting all this time, we shall have your explanations 
 below stairs." 
 
 Before I had time for another question, Kilkee passed his 
 arm within mine, and led me along the corridor, pouring out, 
 the entire time, a whole rhapsody about the practical joke of 
 my late illness, which he was pleased to say would ring from 
 one end of Europe to the other. 
 
 Lord Callonby was alone in the breakfast-room when we 
 1 nti red, and the moment he perceived me called out: 
 
 " Eh, Lorrequer, you here still ? Why, man, I thought 
 you'd have been over the frontier early this morning."
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 457 
 
 * 
 
 " Indeed, my lord, I am not exactly aware of any urgent 
 reason for so rapid a flight." 
 
 " You are nut ! The devil, you are not. Why, you must 
 surely have "known his majesty to be the best-tempered man 
 in his dominions, then, or you would never have played. off 
 such a ruse, though, I must say, there never was anything 
 better done. Heldersteen, the Minister for Foreign Affairs, 
 is nearly deranged this morning about it — it seems that he 
 was the first that fell into the trap ; but, seriously speaking, 
 I think it would be better if you got away from this ; the 
 king, ft is true, has behaved with the best possible good 
 feeling; but " 
 
 " My lord, I have a favor to ask — perhaps, indeed, in all 
 likelihood the last I shall ever ask of your lordship ; it is this 
 — what are you alluding to all this while, and for what 
 especial reason do you suggest my immediate departure 
 from Munich ? " 
 
 " Bless my heart and soul — you surely cannot mean to 
 carry the thing on any further — you never can intend to 
 assume your ministerial functions by daylight ? " 
 
 " My what ? — my ministerial functions ! " 
 
 " Oh, no, that were too much — even though his majesty 
 did say — that you were the most agreeable diplomate he had 
 met for a long time." 
 
 " I, a diplomate ! " 
 
 " You, certainly. Surely you cannot be acting now ; why, 
 gracious mercy, Lorrequer ! can it be possible that you 
 were not doing it by design ? do you really not know in 
 what character you appeared last night ? " 
 
 " If in any other than that of Harry Lorrequer, my lord, I 
 pledge my honor, I am ignorant." 
 
 " Nor the uniform you wore, don't you know what it 
 meant?" 
 
 "The tailor sent it to my room." 
 
 " Why, man, by Jove, this will kill me." said Lord Callonby, 
 bursting into a lit of laughter, in which Kilkee, a hitherto 
 silent spectator of our colloquy, joined to such an extent, 
 that I thought he would burst a blood-vessel. " Why, man, 
 you went as the Charge d'Affaires ! " 
 
 " I, the Charge d'Affaires ! " 
 
 " That you did, and a most successful debut ynu made 
 of it." 
 
 While shame and confusion covered me from head to foot
 
 458 HARK Y Li 1RREQUER. 
 
 at the absurd and ridiculous blunder I had been guilty of, 
 the sense of the ridiculous was so strong in me, that I fell 
 upon a sofa and laughed on with the others for full ten 
 minutes. 
 
 " Your excellency is, I am rejoiced to find, in good spirits," 
 said Lady Callonby, entering and presenting her hand. 
 
 " He is so glad to have finished the Greek loan," said 
 Lady Catherine, smiling, with a half-malicious twinkle of the 
 eye. Just at this instant another door opened, and Lac! . 
 Jane appeared. Luckily for me, the increased mirth of tliG 
 party, as Lord Callonby informed them of my blunder, 
 prevented their paying any attention to me, for as I half 
 sprung forward toward her, my agitation would have revealed 
 to any observer the whole state of my feelings. I took her 
 hand, which she extended to me, without speaking, and 
 bowing deeply over it, raised my head and looked into her 
 eyes, as if to read at one glance my fate, and when I let fall 
 her hand, I would not have exchanged my fortune for a 
 kingdom. 
 
 " You have heard, Jane, how our friend opened his cam- 
 paign in Munich last night." 
 
 " Oh, I hope, Mr. Lorrequer, they are only quizzing. You 
 surely could not '' 
 
 " Could not ! What he could not — what he would not do, 
 is beyond my calculation to make out," said Kilkee, laugh- 
 ing ; " anything in life, from breaking an axle-tree to hoaxing 
 a king." 
 
 I turned, as may be imagined, a deaf ear to his allusion, 
 which really frightened me, not knowing how far Kilkee's 
 information might lead, nor how he might feel disposed to 
 use it. Lady Jane turned a half-reproachful glance at me, 
 as if rebuking my folly ; but the interest she thus took in me 
 I would not have bartered for the smile of the proudest 
 queen of Christendom. 
 
 Breakfast over, Lord Callonby undertook to explain to the 
 court the blunder by which 1 had unwittingly been betrayed 
 into personating the newly-arrived minister, and as the 
 mistake was more of their causing than my own, my excuses 
 were accepted, and when his lordship returned to the hotel, 
 he brought with him an invitation for me to dine at court in 
 my own unaccredited character. By this time I had been 
 carrying on the siege as briskly as circumstances permitted ; 
 Lady Callonby being deeply interested in her newly-arrived
 
 HA RRY L OR RE Q UER. 459 
 
 purchases, Lady Catherine being good-natured enough to 
 pretend to be so also, left me at intervals many opportunities 
 of speaking to Lady Jane. 
 
 As I feared that such occasions would not often present 
 themselves, I determined on making the best use of my time, 
 and at once led the conversation toward the goal I aimed at, 
 by asking, " if Lady Jane had completely forgotten the wild 
 cliffs and rocky coast of Clare, amid the tall mountains and 
 glaciered peaks of the Tyrol ? " 
 
 " Far from it, " she replied. " I have a most clear remem- 
 brance of bold Mogher and the rolling swell of the blue 
 Atlantic, and long to feel its spray once more upon my cheek ; 
 but then, I knew it in childhood — your acquaintance with it 
 was of a later date, and connected with fewer happy asso- 
 ciations." 
 
 " Fewer happy associations — how can you say so ? Was it 
 not there the brightest hours of my whole life were passed, 
 was it not there I first met " 
 
 " Kilkee tells me," said Lady Jane, interrupting me shortly, 
 " that Miss Bingham is extremely pretty." 
 
 This was turning my flank with a vengeance ; so I mut- 
 tered something about different tastes, etc., and continued, 
 " I understand my worthy cousin Guy had the good fortune 
 to make your acquaintance in Paris." 
 
 It was now her turn to blush, which she did deeply, and 
 said nothing. 
 
 " He is expected, I believe, in a few days at Munich," said 
 I, fixing my eyes upon her, and endeavoring to read her 
 thoughts ; she blushed more deeply, and the blood at my 
 own heart ran cold, as I thought over all I had heard, and I 
 muttered to myself, " She loves him." 
 
 " Mr. Lorrequer, the carriage is waiting, and as we are 
 going to the Gallery this morning, and have much to see, 
 pray let us have your escort." 
 
 " Oh, I am sure," said Catherine, " his assistance will be 
 considerable — particularly if his knowledge of art only equals 
 his tact in botany. Don't you think so, Jane ? " But Jane 
 was gone. 
 
 They left the room to dress, and I was alone — alone with 
 my anxious, now half-despairing thoughts, crowding and 
 rushing upon my beating brain. She loves him, and I have 
 only come to witness her becoming the wife of another. I 
 see it all, too plainly — my uncle's arrival — Lord Callonby's
 
 460 //.■/ k& i / ( >a-a-/-:o t 'A' A'. 
 
 familiar manner — Jane's own confession. All — all convince 
 me that my fate is decided. Now, then, for one last brief 
 explanation, and 1 leave Munich, never to see her more. 
 Just as I had so spoken, she entered. Her gloves had been 
 forgotten in the room, and she came in not knowing that I 
 was there. What would I not have given at that moment 
 for the ready-witted assurance, the easy self-possession, with 
 which I should have made my advances had my heart not 
 been as deeply engaged as I now felt it. Alas ! my courage 
 was gone ; there was too much at stake, and I preferred, now 
 that the time was come, any suspense, any vacillation, to the 
 dreadful certainty of refusal. 
 
 These were my first thoughts, as she entered; how they 
 were followed, I cannot say. The same evident confusion of 
 my brain, which I once felt when mounting the breach in a 
 storm-party, now completely beset me ; and as then, when 
 death and destruction raged on every side, I held on my 
 way regardless of every obstacle, and forgetting all save the 
 goal before me ; so did I now, in the intensity of my excite- 
 ment, disregard everything, save the story of my love, which 
 1 poured forth with that fervor which truth only can give. 
 But she spoke not — her averted head — her cold and trem- 
 ulous hand and half-drawn sigh were all that replied to me, as 
 I waited for that one word upon which hung all my fortune. At 
 length her hand, which I scarcely held within my own, was 
 gently withdrawn. She lifted it to her eyes, but still was 
 si'tent. 
 
 " Enough," said I, " I seek not to pain you more. The 
 daring ambition that prompted me to love you has met its 
 } eaviest retribution, farewell— you, Lady Jane, have noth- 
 og to reproach yourself with — you never encouraged, you 
 lever deceived me. I, and I alone, have been to blame, and 
 wine must be the suffering. Adieu, then, once more, and 
 now forever." 
 
 She turned slowly round, and as the handkerchief fell 
 f n tin her hand — her features were pale as marble — I saw 
 that she was endeavoring to speak, but could not; and 
 at length, as the color came slowly back to her cheek, 
 her lips moved, and just as I leaned forward, with a beat- 
 ing heart, to hear, her sister came running forward, and 
 suddenly checked herself in her career, as she said, laugh- 
 ingly : 
 
 " Mille pardons, Jane, but his excellency must take another
 
 HA A' A' i ' LORREQ I 'A' a: 46 1 
 
 occasion to explain the quadruple alliance, for mamma has 
 been waiting in the carriage these ten minutes." 
 
 I followed them to the door, placed them In the carriage, 
 and was turning again toward the house, when Lady Callonby 
 said : 
 
 " Oh, Mr. Lorrequer ! we count upon you — you must not 
 desert us." 
 
 I muttered something about not feeling well. 
 
 " And then, perhaps, the Greek loan is engaging your 
 attention," said Catherine ; " or, mayhap, some reciprocity is 
 not prospering." 
 
 The malice of this last sally told, for Jane blushed deeply, 
 and I felt overwhelmed with confusion. 
 
 " But pray come — the drive will do you good." 
 
 " Your ladyship will, I am certain, excuse " 
 
 Just as I had got so far, I caught Lady Jane's eye for the 
 first time since we had left the drawing-room. What I read 
 there I could not for the life of me say ; but, instead of 
 finishing my sentence, I got into the carriage and drove off 
 very much to the surprise of Lady Callonby, who, never 
 having studied magnetism, knew very little the cause of my 
 sudden recovery. 
 
 The thrill of hope that shot through my heart, succeeding 
 so rapidly the dark gloom of my despairing thoughts, 
 buoyed me up, and while I whispered to myself, " All may 
 not yet be lost," I summoned my best energies to my aid. 
 Luckily for me, I was better qualified to act as cicerone in a 
 gallery than as a guide in a green-house; and with the 
 confidence that knowledge of a subject ever inspires, I rattled 
 away about art and artists, greatly to the edification of Lady 
 Callonby — much to the surprise of Lady Catherine — and 
 better than all, evidently to the satisfaction of her, to win 
 whose praise I would gladly have risked my life. 
 
 " There," said I as I placed my fair friend before a deli- 
 cious little madonna of Carlo Dolci — " there is, perhaps, the 
 triumph of coloring — for the downy softness of that cheek 
 — the luscious depth of that blue eye — the waving richness 
 of those sunny locks, all is perfect — fortunately, so beautiful 
 a head is not a monopoly, for he painted many copies of this 
 picture." 
 
 " Quite true," said a voice behind, " and mine at Elton is, 
 I think, if anything, better than this." 
 
 I turned, and beheld my good uncle, Sir Guy, who was
 
 A () 2 J1A RR ) f L ORREQl T ER. 
 
 standing beside Lady Callonby. While I welcomed my 
 worthy relative, I could not help casting a glance around to 
 see if Guy were also there, and not perceiving him, my heart 
 heat freely again. 
 
 My uncle, it appeared, had just arrived, and lost no time 
 in joining us at the Gallery. His manner to me was cordial 
 to a degree, and 1 perceived that, immediately upon being 
 introduced to Lady Jane, he took considerable pains to ob- 
 serve her, and paid her the most marked attention. 
 
 The first moment I could steal unnoticed, I took the 
 opportunity of asking if Guy were come. That one fact 
 were to me all, and upon the answer to my question I hung 
 with deep anxiety. 
 
 " Guy here ! — no, not yet. The fact is, Harry, my boy, 
 Guy has not got on here as well as I could have wished. 
 Everything had been arranged among us — Callonby behaved 
 most handsomely — and, as far as regarded myself, I threw 
 no impediment in the way. But, still, I don't know how it 
 was, but Guy did not advance, and the matter now " 
 
 " Pray, how does it stand ? Have you any hopes to put 
 all to rights again ? " 
 
 " Yes, Harry, I think, with your assistance, much may be 
 done." 
 
 " Oh, count upon me, by all means," said I, with a sneer- 
 ing bitterness, that my uncle could not have escaped remark- 
 ing, had his attention not been drawn off by Lady Callonby. 
 
 What have I done — what sin did I meditate before I was 
 born, that I should come into the world branded with failure 
 in all I attempt? Is it not enough that my cousin, my elder 
 by some months, should be rich, while I am poor — honored 
 and titled, while I am unknown and unnoticed ? — but is he 
 also to be preferred to me in every station in life ? Is there 
 no feeling of the heart so sacred that it must not succumb 
 to primogeniture ? 
 
 " What a dear old man Sir Guy is," said Catherine, inter- 
 rupting my sad reflections, "and how gallant ; he is abso- 
 lutely flirting with Lady Jane." 
 
 And quite true it was. The old gentleman was paying 
 liis devoirs with a studied anxiety to please that went to 
 my very heart as 1 witnessed it. The remainder of that day 
 to nic was a painful and suffering one. My intention of 
 suddenly leaving Munich had hern abandoned, why, I knew 
 not. I felt that I was hoping against hope, and that my
 
 TfARRY LORREQUER. 463 
 
 stay was only to confirm, by the most " damning proof," 
 how sure I was fated to disappointment. My reasonings all 
 ended in one point. If she really loved Guy, then my pres- 
 ent attention can only be a source of unhappiness to her ; 
 if she do not, is there any prospect that from the bare fact 
 of my attachment, so proud a family as the Callonbys will 
 suffer their daughter to make a mere " manage d'inclination ? " 
 
 There was but one answer to this question, and I had at 
 last the courage to make it; and yet the Callonbys had 
 marked me out for their attentions, and had gone unusually 
 out of their way to inflict injury upon me, if all were meant 
 to end in nothing. If I only could bring myself to think 
 that this was a systematic game adopted by them, to lead to 
 the subsequent arrangement with my cousin ! — if I could but 
 satisfy my doubts on this head What threats of ven- 
 geance I muttered, I cannot remember, for I was summoned 
 at that critical moment to attend the'party to the palace. 
 
 The state of excitement I was in was an ill preparative for 
 the rigid etiquette of a court dinner. All passed off, how- 
 ever, happily, and the king, by a most good-natured allusion 
 to the blunder of the night before, set me perfectly at ease 
 on that head. 
 
 I was placed next to Lady Jane at dinner ; and half from 
 wounded pride, half from the momentarily increasing con- 
 viction that all was lpst, chattered away gayly. without any 
 evidence of a stronger feeling than the mere vicinity of a 
 pretty person is sure to inspire. What success this game 
 was attended with. I know not ; but the suffering it cost me 
 I shall never cease to remember. One satisfaction I cer- 
 tainly did experience — she was manifestly piqued, and sev- 
 eral times turned toward the person on the other side of 
 her, to avoid the tone of indifference in which I discussed 
 matters that were actually wringing my own heart at the mo- 
 ment. Yet such was the bitterness of my spirit, that I set 
 down this conduct on her part as coquetry ; and quite con- 
 vinced myself that any slight encouragement she might ever 
 have given my attentions was only meant to indulge a spirit 
 of vanity, by adding another to the list of her conquests. 
 
 As the feeling grew upon me, I suppose my manner to 
 her became more palpably cutting, for it ended at last in our 
 discontinuing to speak, and when we retired from the palace, 
 I accompanied her to the carriage in silence, and wished 
 her a cold and distant"^ood-night, without any advance to
 
 464 HARRY LORREQUER. 
 
 touch her hand at parting — and yet that parting 1 had des- 
 tined for our last. 
 
 The greater part of that night I spent in writing letters. 
 One was to Jane herself, owning my affection, confessing 
 that even the " rudesse " of my late conduct was the fruit of 
 it, and finally assuring her that, failing to win from her any 
 return of my passion, I had resolved never to meet her more. 
 I also wrote a short note to my uncle, thanking him for all 
 he had formerly done in my behalf, but coldly declining for 
 the future any assistance upon his part, resolving that upon 
 ray own efforts alone should I now rest my fortunes. To 
 Lord Callonby I wrote at greater length, recapitulating the 
 history of our early intimacy, and accusing him of encourag- 
 ing me in expectations which, as he never intended to con- 
 firm them, were fated to prove my ruin. More — much more 
 I said, which to avow I should gladly shrink from, were it 
 not that I had pledged myself to honesty in these " Confes- 
 sions," and as they depict the bitterness and misery of my 
 spirit, I must plead guilty to them here. In a word, I felt 
 myself injured. I saw no outlet for redress, and the only 
 consolation open to my wounded pride and crushed affec- 
 tions was to show that if I felt myself a victim, at least I 
 was not a dupe. I set about packing up for the journey, 
 whither I knew not. My leave was nearly expired, yet 
 I could not bear the thought of rejoining the regiment. 
 My only desire was to leave Munich, and that speedily. 
 When all my arrangements were completed, 1 went down 
 noiselessly to the inn-yard to order post-horses by day- 
 break; there, to my surprise, I found all activity and bustle. 
 Though so late at night, a courier had arrived from England 
 for Lord Callonby with some important dispatches From the 
 government; this would, at anv other time, have interested 
 me deeply, now I heard the news without a particle of feeling, 
 and I made all the necessary dispositions fur my journey 
 without paying the slightest attention to what was going on 
 about me. I had just finished, when Lord Callonby's valet 
 came to say that his lord ship wished to see me immediately 
 in his dressing-room. Though I would gladly have declined 
 .my further interview, 1 saw no means of escape, and fol- 
 lowed the servant t 1 his lordship's room. 
 
 There I found Lord Callonby in his dressing-gown and 
 night-cap. Surrounded by papers, letters, dispatch-boxes, and 
 red tape-tied parcels, that all bespok* business.
 
 HARRY LORREQUER. 465 
 
 " Lorrequer, sit down, my boy, I have much to say to you, 
 and, as we have no time to lose, you must forego a little 
 sleep. Is the door closed ? I have just received most im- 
 portant news from England, and to begin — 
 
 " ' My Lord, — They are out at last — the majority on 
 Friday increased to forty yesterday evening, when they re- 
 signed ; the Duke has, meanwhile, assumed the reins till 
 further arrangements can be perfected, and dispatches are 
 now preparing to bring all our friends about us. The only 
 
 rumors as yet are, L— — for the Colonies, H to the 
 
 Foreign Office, W President of the Council, and we anx- 
 iously hope yourself Viceroy to Ireland. In any case lose 
 no time in coming back to England. The struggle will be a 
 sharp one, as the outs are distracted, and we shall want you 
 much. Ever yours, my dear lord, Henry .' 
 
 " This is much sooner than I looked for, Lorrequer, per- 
 haps almost than I wished ; but as it has taken place, we must 
 not decline the battle ; now what I wanted with you is this 
 — if I go to Ireland, I should like your acceptance of the 
 Private Secretary's Office. Come, come, no objections ; you 
 know that you need not leave the army, you can become 
 unattached, I'll arrange all that; apropos, this concerns you; 
 it is from the Horse Guards ; you need not read it now though ; 
 it is merely your gazette to the company ; your promo- 
 tion, however, shall not stop here ; however, the important 
 thing I want with you is this, I wish you to start for England 
 to-morrow ; circumstances prevent my going from this for a 
 
 few days. You can see L and W , etc., and explain 
 
 all I have to say; I shall write a few letters, and some hints 
 for your own guidance, and as Kilkee never would have head 
 for these matters, I look to your friendship to do it for me." 
 
 Looking only to the past, as the proposal suited my al- 
 ready made resolve to quit Munich, I acceded at once, and 
 assured Lord Callonby that I should be ready in an hour. 
 
 " Quite right, Lorrequer, but still I shall not need this ; you 
 cannot leave before eleven or twelve o'clock ; in fact, I have 
 another service to exact at your hands before we part with 
 you ; meanwhile, try and get some sleep ; you are not likely 
 to know anything of a bed before you reach the Clarendon." 
 So saying, he hurried me from the room, and as he closed 
 the door I heard him muttering his satisfaction, that already 
 so far all had been well arranged. 
 
 30
 
 466 HARK ) ' / ORREQl 7. A\ 
 
 CHAPTER LVI. 
 
 CONCLUSION. 
 
 Sleep came on me without my feeling it, and, amid all the 
 distracting cares and pressing thoughts that embarrassed me, 
 I only awoke when the roll of the calechc sounded beneath 
 my window and warned me that I must be stirring and ready 
 for the road. 
 
 Since it is to be thus, thought I, it is much better that this 
 opportunity should occur of my getting away at once, and 
 thus obviate all the unpleasantness of my future meeting 
 with Lady Jane ; and the thousand conjectures that my de- 
 parture, so sudden and unannounced, might giverise to. So 
 be it, and I have now only one hope more — that the terms we 
 last parted on may prevent her appearing at the breakfast 
 table. With these words I entered the room, where the Cal- 
 lonbys were assembled, all save Lady Jane. 
 
 " This is too provoking, really, Mr. Lorrequer," said Lady 
 Callonby, with her sweetest smile and most civil manner, 
 " quite too bad to lose you, now that you have just joined 
 us." 
 
 " Come, no tampering with our party," said Lord Cal- 
 lonby ; " my friend here must not be seduced by honeyed 
 words and soft speeches from the high road that leads to 
 honors and distinctions — now for your instructions." Here 
 his lordship entered into a very deep discussion as to the 
 conditions upon which his support might be expected and 
 relied upon, which Kilkee from time to time interrupted by 
 certain quizzing allusions to the low price he put upon his 
 services, and suggested that a mission for myself should cer- 
 tainly enter into the compact. 
 
 At length breakfast was over, and Lord Callonby said, 
 "Now make your adieux, and let me see you for a moment 
 in Sir Guy's room ; we have a little discussion there, in which 
 your assistance is wanting." I accordingly took my farewell 
 of Lady Callonby, and approached to do so to Lady Jane ; but,
 
 MARRY L ORREQ t/ER. 46 f 
 
 much to my surprise, she made me a very distant salute, and 
 said in her coldest tone, " I hope you may have a pleasant 
 journey." Before I had recovered from my surprise at this 
 movement, Kilkee came forward and offered to accompany 
 me a few miles of the road. I accepted readily the kind offer, 
 and once more bowing to the ladies, withdrew. And thus it 
 is, thought I, that I leave all my long-dreamed-of happiness, 
 and such is the end of many a long day's ardent expectation. 
 When I entered my uncle's room, my temper was certainly 
 not in the mood most fit for further trials, though it was 
 doomed to meet them. 
 
 " Harry, my boy, we are in great want of you here, and as 
 time presses, we must state our case very briefly. You are 
 aware, Sir Guy tells me, that your cousin Guy has been re- 
 ceived among us as the suitor of my eldest daughter. It has 
 been an old compact between us to unite our families by ties 
 still stronger than our very ancient friendship, and this match 
 has been accordingly looked to, by us both, with much 
 anxiety. Now, although, on our parts, I think no obstacle 
 intervenes, yet I am sorry to say there appear difficulties in 
 other quarters. In fact, certain stories have reached Lady 
 Jane's ears concerning your cousin, which have greatly pre- 
 judiced her against him, and we have reason to think most 
 unfairly; for we have succeeded in tracing some of the of- 
 fences in question, not to Guy, but to a Mr. Morewood, who 
 it seems has personated your cousin upon more than one 
 occasion, and not a little to his disadvantage. Now we wish 
 you to sift these matters to the bottom, by your going to 
 Paris as soon as you can venture to leave London — find out 
 this man, and, if possible, make all straight ; if money is 
 wanting, he must of course have it ; but bear one thing in 
 mind, that any possible step which may remove this unhappy 
 impression from my daughter's mind will be of infinite 
 service, and never forgotten by us. Kilkee, too, has taken 
 some dislike to Guy. You have only, however, to talk to 
 him on the matter, and he is sure to pay attention to you." 
 
 " And, Harry," said my uncle, " tell Guy I am much dis- 
 pleased that he is not here ; I expected him to leave Paris 
 with me, but some absurd wager at the Jockey Club detained 
 him." 
 
 " Another thing, Harry, you may as well mention to your 
 cousin, that Sir Guy has complied with every suggestion that 
 he formerly threw out — he will understand the allusion."
 
 468 HARRY lORRE(jt/ER. 
 
 " Oh, yes," said my uncle, " tell him roundly he shall have 
 Elton Hall ; I have fitted up Marsden for myself ; so no 
 difficulty lies in that quarter." 
 
 " You may add, if you like, that my present position with 
 the government enables me to offer him a speedy prospect 
 of a regiment, and that I think he had better not leave the 
 army." 
 
 " And say that by next post Hamercloth's bond for the 
 six thousand shall be paid off, and let him send me a note of 
 any other large sum he owes." 
 
 " And above all things no more delays. I must leave this 
 for England inevitably, and as the ladies will probably prefer 
 wintering in Italy " 
 
 " Oh, certainly," said my uncle, " the wedding must take 
 place." 
 
 " I scarcely can ask you to come to us on the occasion, 
 though I need not say how greatly we should all feel gratified 
 if you could do so," said my lord. 
 
 While this cross fire went on from both sides, I looked 
 from one to the other of the speakers. My first impression 
 being, that, having perceived and disliked my attention to 
 Lady Jane, they adopted this " mauvaise plaisanterie " as a 
 kind of smart lesson for my guidance. My next impression 
 was that they were really in earnest, but about the very 
 stupidest pair of old gentlemen that ever wore hair powder. 
 
 " And this is all ? " said I, drawing a long breath and in- 
 wardly uttering a short prayer for patience. 
 
 " Why, I believe I have mentioned everything," said Lord 
 Callonby, " except that if anything occurs to yourself that 
 offers a prospect of forwarding this affair, we leave you a 
 carte blanche to adopt it." 
 
 " Of course, then," said I, " I am to understand that as no 
 other difficulties lie in the way than those your lordship has 
 mentioned, the feelings of the parties, their affections, are 
 mutual." 
 
 " Oh, of course, your cousin, I suppose, has made himself 
 agreeable ; he is a good-looking fellow, and, in fact, I am 
 not aware why they should not like each other, eh, Sir 
 Guy?" 
 
 " To be sure, and the Elton estates run half the shire with 
 your Gloucester property ; never was there a more suitable 
 match." 
 
 " Then only one point remains, and that being complied
 
 HA kR Y L OA'REQUJSR. 469 
 
 with, you may reckon upon my services ; nay, more, I promise 
 you success. Lady Jane's own consent must be previously 
 assured to me ; without this, I most positively decline moving 
 a step in the matter; and that once obtained, freely and 
 without constraint, I pledge myself to do all you require." 
 
 " Quite fair, Harry : I perfectly approve of your scruples;" 
 so saying, his lordship rose and left the room. 
 
 " Well, Harry, and yourself, what is to be done for you ? 
 Has Callonby offered you anything yet ? " 
 
 " Yes, sir, his lordship has most kindly offered me the 
 under secretaryship in Ireland, but I have resolved on de- 
 clining it, though I shall not at present say so, lest he should 
 feel any delicacy in employing me upon the present occasion." 
 
 " Why, is the boy deranged — decline it — what have you got 
 in the world that you should refuse such an appointment ? " 
 
 The color mounted to my cheeks, my temples burned, and 
 what I should have replied to this taunt I know not, for 
 passion had completely mastered me. When Lord Callonby 
 again entered the room, his usually calm and pale face was 
 agitated and flushed, and his manner tremulous and hurried ; 
 for an instant he was silent, and then turning toward my 
 uncle, he took his hand affectionately, and said : 
 
 " My good old friend, I am deeply, deeply grieved ; but 
 we must abandon this scheme. I have just seen my daughter, 
 and from the few words which we have had together, I find 
 that her dislike to the match is invincible, and, in fact, she has 
 obtained my promise never again to allude to it. If I were 
 willing to constrain the feelings of my child, you yourself 
 would not permit it. So here let us forget that we ever 
 hoped for, ever calculated on a plan in which both our hearts 
 were so deeply interested." 
 
 These words, few as they were, were spoken with deep 
 feeling, and, for the first time, I looked upon the speaker 
 with sincere regard. They were both silent for some minutes ; 
 Sir Guy, who was himself much agitated, spoke first : 
 
 " So be it then, Callonby, and thus do I relinquish one — 
 perhaps the only cheering prospect my advanced age held 
 out to me. I have long wished to have your daughter for 
 my niece, and since I have known her the wish has increased 
 tenfold." 
 
 " It was the chosen dream of all my anticipations," said 
 
 Lord Callonby ; " and now Jane's affections only But 
 
 let it pass."
 
 47© HARRY LORRkQUER. 
 
 " And is there, then, really no remedy ; can nothing be 
 struck out ? " 
 
 " Nothing." 
 
 " I am not quite so sure, my lord," said I, tremulously. 
 
 " No, no, Lorrequer, you are a ready-witted fellow, I know, 
 but this passes even your ingenuity ; besides, I have given 
 her my word." 
 
 " Even so." 
 
 " Why, what do you mean ? Speak out, man," said Sir 
 Guy. " I'll give you ten thousand pounds on the spot if 
 you'll suggest a means of overcoming this difficulty." 
 
 " Perhaps you might not accede afterward." 
 
 " I pledge myself to it." 
 
 "And I too," said Lord Callonby, "if no unfair stratagem 
 be resorted to toward my daughter. If she only give her free 
 and willing consent, I agree." 
 
 " Then you must bid higher, uncle ; ten thousand won't 
 do, for the bargain is well worth the money." 
 
 "Name your price, boy, and keep your word." 
 
 " Agreed, then ; holding my uncle to his promise, I pledge 
 myself that his nephew shall be the husband of Lady Jane 
 Callonby ; and now, my lord, read Harry, vice Guy, in the 
 contract, and I am certain my uncle is too faithful to his 
 plighted word, and too true to his promise not to say it shall 
 be." 
 
 The suddenness of this rash declaration absolutely stunned 
 them both, and then, recovering at the same moment, their 
 eyes met. 
 
 " Fairly caught, Guy," said Lord Callonby, "a bold stroke, 
 if it only succeeds." 
 
 " And it shall, by G — ," said my uncle. " Elton is yours, 
 Harry; and with seven thousand a year, and my nephew to 
 boot, Callonby won't refuse you." 
 
 There are moments in life in which conviction will follow 
 a bold " coup de main," that never would have ensued from 
 the slow process of reasoning. Luckily for me, this was one 
 of those happy intervals. Lord Callonby, catching my uncle's 
 enthusiasm, seized me by the hand and said : 
 
 " With her consent, Lorrequer, you may count upon mine, 
 and, faith, if truth must be told, I always preferred you to 
 the other." 
 
 What my uncle added, I waited not to listen to; but with 
 one bound sprung from the room — dashed upstairs to Lady
 
 HA R R Y L ORREQUER. 47 1 
 
 Callonby's drawing-room — looked rapidly round to see if 
 she were there, and then, without paying the slightest atten- 
 tion to the question of Lady Callonby and her youngest 
 daughter, was turning to leave the room, when my eyes caught 
 the flutter of a Cashmere shawl in the garden beneath. In 
 an instant the window was torn open — I stood upon the sill, 
 and though the fall was some twenty feet, with one spring I 
 took it, and before the ladies had recovered from their first 
 surprise at my unaccountable conduct, put the finishing 
 stroke to their amazement, by throwing my arms around 
 Lady Jane, and clasping her to my heart. 
 
 I cannot remember by what process I explained the change 
 that had taken place in my fortunes. I had some very vague 
 recollection of vows of eternal love being mingled with 
 praises of my worthy uncle, and the state of my affections and 
 finances were jumbled up together, but still sufficiently intel- 
 ligible to satisfy my beloved Jane — that, this time, at least, 
 I made love with something more than my own consent to 
 support me. Before we had walked half round the garden, 
 she had promised to be mine ; and Harry Lorrequer, who 
 rose that morning with nothing but despair and darkness 
 before him, was now the happiest of men. 
 
 Dear reader, I have little more to confess. Lord Callonby's 
 politics were fortunately deemed of more moment than 
 maidenly scruples, and the Treasury benches more respected 
 than the trousseau. Our wedding was therefore settled for 
 the following week. Meanwhile every day seemed to teem 
 with its own meed of good fortune. My good uncle, under 
 whose patronage, forty odd years before, Colonel Kamworth 
 had obtained his commission, undertook to effect the recon- 
 ciliation between him and the Wallers, who now only waited 
 for our wedding, before they set out for Hydrabad Cottage, 
 that snug receptacle of Curry and Madeira, Jack confessing 
 that he had rather listen to the siege of Java, by that fire- 
 side, than hear an account of Waterloo from the lips of the 
 great duke himself. 
 
 I wrote to Trevanion to invite him over to Munich for the 
 ceremony, and the same post which informed me that he 
 was en route to' join us, brought also a letter from my eccentric 
 friend O'Leary, whose name having so often occurred in these 
 Confessions, I am tempted to read it aloud, the more so as 
 its contents are no secret, Kilkee having insisted upon read- 
 ing it to a committee of the whole family assembled after 
 dinner.
 
 472 II A RRY LORREQUER. 
 
 " Dear Lorrkojuck, — The trial is over, and I am acquitted, 
 but still in St. Pelagic ; for, as the government were determined 
 to cut my head off if guilty, so the mob resolved to murder 
 me if innocent. A pleasant place this ; before the trial 1 
 was the most popular man in Paris ; my face was in every 
 print shop ; plaster busts of me, with a great organ behind 
 the ear, in all the thoroughfares ; my autograph selling at six- 
 and-twenty sous, and a lock of my hair at five francs. Now 
 that it is proved I did not murder the ' minister at war ' 
 ( who is in excellent health and spirits), the popular feeling 
 against me is very violent, and I am looked upon as an im- 
 postor who obtained his notoriety under false pretences ; and 
 Vernet, who had begun my picture for a Judas, has left off 
 in disgust. Your friend Trevanion is a trump ; he procured 
 a Tipperary gentleman to run away with Mrs. Ram, and they 
 were married at Frankfort, on Tuesday last. By the by, 
 what an escape you had of Emily ; she was only quizzing 
 you all the time. She is engaged to be married to Tom 
 O'Flaherty, who is here now. Emily's imitation of you, with 
 the hat on one side and a handkerchief flourishing away in 
 one hand, is capital ; but when she kneels down and says. 
 ' Dearest Emily,' etc., you'd swear it was yourself." [Here 
 the laughter of the auditory prevented Kilkee's proceeding, 
 who, to my utter confusion, resumed after a little.] " Don't 
 be losing your time making up to Lord Callonby's daughter 
 — (here came another burst of laughter) — they say here you 
 have not a chance, and, moreover, she's a downright flirt." 
 [" It is your turn now, Jane," said Kilkee, scarcely able to 
 proceed.] "Besides that, her father's a pompous old Tory, 
 that won't give a sixpence with her ; and the old curmudgeon, 
 your uncle, has as much idea of providing for you as he has 
 of dying." [This last sally absolutely convulsed all parties.] 
 " To be sure Kilkee's a fool, but he's no use to you." [" Begad, 
 I thought I was going to escape," said the individual alluded 
 to, " but your friend O'Leary cuts on every side of him."] 
 The letter, after some very grave reflections upon the hope- 
 1-ssness of my pursuit, concluded with a kind pledge to meet 
 me soon, and become my travelling companion. " Mean- 
 while," added he, " I must cross over to London and look 
 after my new work, which is to come out soon, under the 
 title of ' The Loiterings of Arthur O'Leary.' " 
 
 This elegant epistle formed the subject of much laughter
 
 HA RR Y L ORREQ UER. 473 
 
 and conversation amongst us long after it was concluded ; 
 and little triumph could be claimed by any party, where 
 nearly all were so roughly handled. So passed the last 
 evening I spent in Munich — the next morning I was 
 married. 
 
 THE END.
 
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