UC-NRLF 
 
 $B 307 3b2 
 
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MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 BY 
 
 GERALD GOULD 
 
 • > ' ' '■ 
 
 LONDON 
 SIDGWICK AND JACKSON LTD. 
 
 3 ADAM STREET ADELPHI W.C. 
 1913 
 
All rights reserved 
 
 . . . 
 
TOB. J (J/J' 
 
 Dear, these for you ; and since with these lyllt\ I hi 
 
 Come hopes as sweet as memories. 
 
 And thought more rare than to be caught 
 
 In any web less fine than thought , 
 
 And love so gentle as to make 
 
 The world one service for your sake 
 
 — May I a little hope to please, 
 
 Since thus I bring my heart with these ? 
 
 If anything I dream or do 
 Is fit to offer up to you y 
 You know y who gave it, how I live 
 To make the most of what you give. 
 And how the songs I write are meant 
 For your acceptance and content 
 — Ah y let that best of smiles ensue 
 On this the best that I can do ! 
 
 274757 
 
' > 
 > > » » ■) > , > , J 
 
 > 1 » 
 
 My love is fair, she is better than fair to me ; 
 She puts me in ound of a wild white sea-gull 
 flying ojftj^p sea ; 
 
 She puts me mrnind of a dim wind going softly in 
 
 the grass 
 —Of things remembered, and young things, and 
 
 things that shall come to pass. 
 
 Always from a boy, as I walked the evening 
 
 road 
 And saw the curtained windows where the warm 
 
 light glowed, 
 I have desired little children, and old songs, and 
 
 sleep, 
 And an ache has come in my throat for the need 
 
 I had to weep. 
 
 B 9 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 But now the doors of all kind homes have I 
 
 . passed through, 
 And found the room of my own heart warm and 
 
 bright with you, 
 And found the little children there, playing round 
 
 the fire, 
 And found the peace that i^xamier than sleep, 
 
 and the songs beyond desire. 
 
 s^^an 
 id desii 
 
 10 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 II 
 
 I cannot love my Lady as I would 5 
 She is past loving lovable — she tries 
 With childish hands the portals of surprise, 
 
 And finds by faith those secrets understood. 
 
 She wears the double crown of womanhood ; 
 Maternal thoughts make bright her maiden 
 
 eyes; 
 Wisdom would not be pure were she not wise, 
 
 Nor goodness beautiful were she not good. 
 
 I have held her in my arms and called her 
 " Sweet " ; 
 Of this high spirit have I said " My own " 
 
 11 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 — High, for all hearts know peace where she is 
 known, 
 Her hands are full of service when they greet, 
 And round about her in the grievous street 
 
 The happy airs of Paradise are blown. 
 
 12 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 / 
 
 III 
 
 My Lady grieved for a flower that died, 
 Crushed to earth by a careless tread : 
 
 My Lady turned to me at her side, 
 
 And " Keep this flower for my sake," she said. 
 
 We had been glad of each other, and gay ; 
 
 We had walked and talked for a sunny hour, 
 Until we came where the dead flower lay 
 
 — My Lady is soft and sweet as a flower. 
 
 Warmth of summer is in her cheek, 
 Gold of spring in the hair of her head. 
 
 I took her gift, but I could not speak : 
 " Keep this flower for my sake," she said. 
 
 *3 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 Poor dead flower that I shall keep, 
 
 Mind me how bright was the sun that hour !- 
 Is love so bitter ? Is love so deep ? 
 
 My Lady is soft and sweet as a flower. 
 
 14 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 IV 
 
 I love you : is not that enough 
 To make a smoothness of the rough ? 
 You love me : shall not that suffice 
 To sweeten worlds of pain and vice ? 
 
 If love were pleasure — if we meant 
 To dally with a poor content 
 In soft seclusion from the stir 
 Of hearts that know no comforter 
 
 — Ah, then the loud accusing seas 
 Would make a question of our ease ! 
 Ah, then the fatal stars would write 
 Our condemnation on the night ! 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 But since your eyes can summon sense 
 Before the soul's omnipotence, 
 And show what heavy hands of blame 
 Fetter the centuries with shame ; 
 
 Since like a sunny rain your hair 
 Nourishes hope and drowns despair, 
 And thoughtless music of your tongue 
 Persuades the old earth to be young ; 
 
 Since but to see you is to guess 
 The unlonely source of loneliness, 
 And but to touch you is to know 
 The beauty at the heart of woe ; 
 
 Since in our love and longing meet 
 The bitter and the saving sweet ; 
 Since with free hands, with proffered lips, 
 With needs, with utter comradeships, 
 
 16 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 The faith that we are keepers of 
 Has drawn the circle of our love 
 Round all our lovely fellows, thus 
 Summing humanity in us 
 
 — Since this we keep for surest sure, 
 Our perfect passion makes us pure, 
 And gives the right I have to take 
 Your beauty for the whole world's sake, 
 
 When in our oneness, heart to heart, 
 We cannot think our thoughts apart, 
 And life goes from us in a mist 
 Of kissing and of being kissed. 
 
 17 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 Love came smiling for our beguiling ; 
 
 I said to my dear, " Let us be beguiled " : 
 My dearisaid to me, "What good will it do 
 me?" 
 But I said to my dear, " Have the faith of a 
 child." 
 
 My dear was wary for the joys that vary, 
 
 For the laughter that comes and the sighs 
 that go ; 
 She said, " Shall I fetter for worse or better 
 The things that are known to what none can 
 know ? " 
 18 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 I said, " I will teach you "—I said, " I will reach 
 you 
 In the secret place where your shyness hides ; 
 I will bring for your knowing the winds in their 
 blowing, 
 And the bright moon-service of sorrowful tides ; 
 
 " I will make you stories of ancient glories, 
 The past shall bless you as the future shall 
 
 do " 
 
 But my dear said to me, "If you must woo 
 me, 
 Is there no present way to woo ? 
 
 "Is love any fairer for being the bearer 
 
 Of these good things by which good hearts 
 live ? 
 If love came lonely, 'twould still be only 
 All that there is to get or give." 
 
 19 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 I said to my dearest, " Your words come nearest 
 A deeper faith than the faith of a child," 
 
 And she laughed — "My poet, I know it, I 
 know it ; 
 You have given all gifts to the love-beguiled." 
 
 20 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 VI 
 
 Some lovers make comparison in love, 
 And call their lady after that or this — 
 Like honey find the sweetness of her kiss, 
 
 Or her soft speech like language of the dove ; 
 
 The sky is not too high for doubting of, 
 Whether herein it does not show amiss, 
 And everything that good for certain is 
 
 They take for good — then name one name above. 
 
 But I'll not call my Lady dark or bright 
 By any other measure than her own ; 
 
 She is the Tightness by which life is right, 
 
 Sums all perfections that the world has shown, 
 And is to be esteemed herself alone, 
 
 Not more than morning, neither less than night. 
 
 21 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 VII 
 
 I went before breakfast in a field full of butter- 
 cups; 
 My love was not there, my love was far away ; 
 But there before breakfast in the field full of 
 buttercups 
 My love came and found me, came from far 
 away. 
 
 She came with the sunlight about her, caressing 
 her, 
 She came with the dreams not yet rubbed from 
 her eyes ; 
 Like a grave happy child was the sunlight 
 caressing her, 
 And her dreams like happy children lurked and 
 laughed in her eyes. 
 
 22 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 Something was loosened that had hardened in the 
 heart of me ; 
 Wide through the world flowed the golden 
 
 stream of love ; 
 Did the dawn-thrush call through the air or from 
 the heart of me ? 
 Though my love was absent, I was happy 
 with my love. 
 
 23 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 VIII 
 
 I too have loved a goddess, set 
 About with dreams so clear 
 
 The heart can never quite forget 
 Nor cease to hold them dear. 
 
 I too, in places never known 
 
 To any sort of men 
 For dwelling, save to such alone 
 
 As surely I was then, 
 
 Have nursed desire beyond the scope 
 
 Of this world to fulfil, 
 And found achievement match with hope 
 
 And sense prove one with will. 
 
 24 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 I too have clasped, with passionate breath, 
 
 Upon her bed of flowers, 
 A form too vast to know such death 
 
 Or ev'n such life as ours, 
 
 And watched along the glimmering lines 
 
 Of limbs august and bright 
 A moonbeam such as never shines 
 
 In any mortal night. 
 
 The liberal kisses shed through me, 
 
 The kisses from me drawn, 
 Were bitterer than the wasteful sea 
 
 And sweeter than the dawn. 
 
 What follows ? — Ev'n as I am now, 
 
 I cannot choose but find 
 That goddess-light on every brow 
 
 That means a woman's mind ; 
 
 D 25 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 No strange glad thing that women do, 
 No strangeness of their pain, 
 
 But is a part of what I knew 
 And am to know again. 
 
 And you, beloved ? In the deep 
 
 Of those regarding eyes 
 Are hidden dreams, for human sleep 
 
 Too innocent and wise. 
 
 Where did you gather them, my dear ? 
 
 In fields without a name. 
 Tell me, what music did you hear ? — 
 
 For I have heard the same. 
 
 But for the wisdom that I got 
 From that divine embrace, 
 
 I should have met and loved, but not 
 Have known or claimed your face. 
 
 26 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 But for such mingling, calm and keen, 
 That every pulse was soul, 
 
 Could any part be heard or seen, 
 Since sense would miss the whole ? 
 
 Oh what were you and what was I ? 
 
 We were what all hearts are, 
 And lo ! the changes of the sky 
 
 Move round a single star ; 
 
 And come or go and lose or gain 
 
 And promise or recall, 
 The future and the past are plain 
 
 In every hour of all. 
 
 Oh coming of your worshipped feet, 
 Light of your hallowed brow ! 
 
 I too have loved a goddess — Sweet, 
 I love a goddess now. 
 
 2/ 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 IX 
 
 I loved a girl — she is dead — 
 
 She was like you, 
 But younger — when you turn your head 
 
 My dream of her comes true. 
 
 She had that zest of youth 
 
 Which turns to tears ; 
 You are to her what stronger truth 
 
 Is to strong hopes and fears. 
 
 I loved her long and well, 
 
 And always must ; 
 She was the heav'n amid my hell, 
 
 The spirit in my dust. 
 
 28 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 But a time comes when these 
 
 Grow all one thing ; 
 You are that time — and lo ! you please, 
 
 My Queen, to crown me King ! 
 
 I ached with the why and whence 
 
 Of her regard ; 
 She was too easy for my sense 
 
 And for my thought too hard. 
 
 Each several moment she 
 
 Dies, and you live; 
 She had so much to take from me, 
 
 You have so much to give. 
 
 She had such childish ways, 
 
 Such childish eyes, 
 The wanton spring would speak her praise 
 
 Strangely, from virgin skies. 
 
 29 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 Well have you caught the fall 
 
 Of her soft hair ; 
 For she's not anything at all 
 
 But just the self you were. 
 
 Moment by moment, so, 
 
 She is not, you are ; 
 And oh ! I love her well, but oh ! 
 
 I love you better far ! 
 
 30 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 When Roland's armies perished round him, he 
 Was left alone at Roncesvalles ; night 
 Hung ready to enclose an ended fight, 
 Hush the harsh music of the swords, and be 
 As calm as that first darkness that set free 
 The first day from the trouble of its light. 
 
 But Roland knew the twilight held his fate, 
 Nor till he died could any star be born ; 
 And idly called to mind how he had sworn 
 
 To summon succour, when his need was 
 great, 
 
 From Oliver, his lover and his mate : 
 But Oliver no more could hear his horn. 
 
 31 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 So clear, so very far, the message sped, 
 
 The chivalry that compassed Charlemagne 
 Knew all at once that all they loved was slain, 
 And the past came upon them, and they said 
 "The old fights are fought and the old heroes dead ; 
 Roland will never blow his horn again." 
 
 Princess, when night shall darken on the day 
 Made lovely with our loving — brave no less 
 Than songs remembered of high-heartedness, 
 And legends learnt by children in their play 
 — Tell me, you will not wish one hour away, 
 Of all we had to share, Princess, Princess ? 
 
 32 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 XI 
 
 Here have my hopes come home, and in your 
 face 
 
 Have found such resting-place 
 As wild birds find in silence, who requite 
 
 Their eager day with night ; 
 They make their home of darkness, I of light ; 
 Eternal mine, theirs only for a space. 
 
 All dreams that hurt the heart and vexed the 
 head 
 
 Have leave to go to bed ; 
 Only the one dream that of all was known 
 
 For properly my own 
 Triumphs : my feet, that lost their way alone, 
 Learn of your wisdom what wise paths to tread. 
 
 E 33 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 Alike in rest of hopes and speed of dreams 
 
 You knit the world's extremes 
 Into a single beauty : you by heart 
 
 Know all in every part, 
 And every fire of nature and of art 
 With you, burns true — without you, merely 
 seems. 
 
 34 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 XII 
 
 When I am dead, if I see 
 
 How you need me in the night, 
 
 I shall ask God to have pity on me 
 
 And take away my sight : 
 
 If I hear how your sobs swell . 
 
 Where the lonely pillow is strange to your 
 
 head, 
 I shall know too well 
 I ought not to be dead. 
 
 You understand, I want so much 
 
 To comfort you, to cherish you, 
 
 I fear to think that I might need to touch 
 
 And not be able to. 
 
 35 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 God is aware how much I can bear 
 Of pain, as of bliss 
 — Surely He will have a care 
 To spare me this. 
 
 36 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 XIII 
 
 I never had need to love you so ; 
 
 I'd have been content with far, far less 
 — Only to worship, to follow, to know 
 
 I could add a touch to your happiness, 
 Perhaps, for a moment, by waiting long, 
 
 And asking nothing, and grudging never, 
 And always trusting my love was strong 
 
 To keep us safe for ever and ever ! 
 
 — To understand how the waving way 
 
 Your hair on the line of your forehead lies 
 
 Makes the hot heart suddenly stay 
 
 And the hot tears suddenly come to the eyes 
 
 37 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 — To tremble if ever your brief hand's blessing 
 Found me and passed like a dream of wings, 
 
 Half ignoring and half caressing, 
 
 Full of its favour to worthless things ! 
 
 — Only to guess, when you turned and smiled, 
 
 How a grave gay glance, secret and free, 
 Of old set the nations running wild 
 
 With swords a-glimmer from sea to sea, 
 With leaping of torches and screaming of towers 
 
 And puddling of blood — and, after all, 
 That glance still young as the first spring flowers 
 
 With their hint how the autumn leaves must 
 fall! 
 
 — Only to glory whenever you came ; 
 
 Only to sicken whenever you went, 
 Lest a chance too certain and strong for blame 
 
 Should rob my passion of its content 
 
 38 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 -To give, to take — with pain to be torn 
 Out of earth into heaven in every kiss 
 -All that, I needed and could have borne, 
 And more — but oh not this, not this ! 
 
 39 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 XIV 
 
 " In vain, in vain ! — My fingers tire, 
 And when my muse like a blown fire 
 Lets from her circling pinions run 
 Bright gleams they gather of the sun, 
 She snatches from my sense too soon 
 Her plumage of the golden tune, 
 And sweeping, waning, leaves half-heard 
 The pure unpurchasable word." 
 
 So sang I sadly where the flow 
 Of shadowy water made me know 
 Time, the mere shadow, far too strong 
 Alike for silence and for song ; 
 40 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 And half I seemed a shadow too, 
 And half forgot, as children do, 
 What ill had troubled me, though still 
 The world was heavy with my ill. 
 
 Then you came to me dressed in dreams, 
 With that shy look of yours which seems 
 Almost too beautiful, as though 
 Last night had grudged to let you go ; 
 You came as one should come who brings 
 A garland of immortal things, 
 And set your garland on my head, 
 And — " Sing again for me," you said. 
 
 4i 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 XV 
 
 Spendthrift of peace, whose garnered sweet 
 Not all your giving can deplete, 
 How easily your hands dispense 
 The happy fruits of innocence ! 
 
 How perfectly you comprehend 
 That man must have his soul for friend — 
 And make, where carelessly you go, 
 A song that teaches others so ! 
 
 You to earth's least exalted slave 
 Grant more than he knows how to crave, 
 And to the heart that craves indeed 
 Fulfil the measure of its need. 
 4* 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 To want — to have — no grace can bless 
 With wider wealth of happiness : 
 There are two gifts, and only two, 
 And both alike proceed from you. 
 
 43 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 XVI 
 
 Summer will come, and then with steady 
 Droop and drift the year will go ; 
 
 But Spring is here already 
 — Didn't you know ? 
 
 All that was past is happy and here now, 
 And the future sings to my senses so, 
 
 I must share it with somebody dear now 
 — Didn't you know ? 
 
 Your blue eyes dance to the skies above you, 
 Your white feet dance to the road below, 
 
 And I love you, love you, love you 
 — Didn't you know ? 
 
 44 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 XVII 
 
 The wood grew dark that had been shady, 
 
 The young strong year seemed sad and tired ; 
 Suddenly then my lovely Lady 
 
 Gave me her hands that I desired ; 
 The chill of evening changed the motion 
 
 Of all the thoughts we had shared that day ; 
 My Lady's eyes are as blue as the ocean, 
 
 But the grey of evening made them grey. 
 
 As the face of a nymph, the deep lake's daughter, 
 Looking up in the starshine might, 
 
 Through the waving shadows that changed like 
 water 
 Her dear dim face shone starry and white ; 
 
 45 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 Her hands were cold, and something urgent 
 Shook her lips and found no speech ; 
 
 I knew the sob of dreams insurgent 
 
 In the soul that only my soul can reach. 
 
 Far away and hushed from hearing 
 
 Were the pitiful sounds that came to mind ; 
 Here was only the kind night nearing 
 
 For us who have found the nights so kind ; 
 Bat quiet tells tales that can strike colder 
 
 Than any that storm has the secret of, 
 And the only thing that's surer and older 
 
 Than twilight sorrow is twilight love. 
 
 4 6 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 XVIII 
 
 If I have failed, as fail we must, 
 
 Who buy our being at the price 
 
 Of the shut gates of Paradise, 
 And dress our very dreams in dust — 
 Who have no certainty except 
 
 The sense which lonely children keep, 
 
 Seeing a rainbow fair as sleep, 
 That God was with them when they slept ; 
 
 If I have failed in Love's high art, 
 More happy and more careful much 
 Than that wild wisdom of the touch 
 
 Whereby our painters play their part 
 
 47 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 In shaping nature — or whereby 
 
 Our grave musicians from the strings 
 Compel the stubborn soul of things 
 
 To put on life and so to die ; 
 
 If I have left myself forsworn, 
 
 My passionate service unfulfilled ; 
 
 If the poor altars that I build 
 Have missed one flower they should have worn ; 
 If any day has found me slack 
 
 In the endeavour that I cherish ; 
 
 If I have let one purpose perish 
 That now no day will give me back ; 
 
 If foolishly I have subtracted 
 
 From my joy's sum, and for disgrace 
 Denied to any time or place 
 Tribute my heart would have exacted — 
 For all my faults that must outlive me 
 And mock my failure, you can tell 
 
 4 8 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 If I am sorry ; but, as well, 
 You know I do not say, " Forgive me." 
 
 Dear, this I am ; for this you take me ; 
 
 I love with what I know of good ; 
 
 I have but served you as I could, 
 And what I shall be, you will make me ; 
 You would not have me bring excuse, 
 
 Or treat love as a debt to pay j 
 
 If I have failed, I can but say, 
 " I love you." — Is it any use ? 
 
 49 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 XIX 
 
 What used to mock the effort spent 
 In vain attempt to guess the whole 
 
 Is now the coin of my content 
 
 And common language of my soul ; 
 
 The unnumbered stars, the gaugeless sky, 
 
 Serve but as signs to know you by. 
 
 For as the thwarted thought requites 
 Desire of bringing time to book, 
 
 So does a world of infinites 
 
 Shine calm and countless in your look ; 
 
 More lovely and more strange are these 
 
 Than the unislanded dim seas. 
 50 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 And as the dizzy sense denies 
 
 Conception of eternal space, 
 So am I baffled by your eyes 
 
 And lost in worshipping your face, 
 And all your movements wake in me 
 The music of infinity. 
 
 Imprisoned as men are, they run 
 
 At large in dreams through day and night ; 
 Blind, yet they know there is a sun 
 
 That floods the turning spheres in light ; 
 And very far beyond my view 
 Burns on in faith my love for you. 
 
 O teacher of the unchanging laws, 
 O priestess at the immortal shrine, 
 
 What was the grace, the dawn, the cause ? 
 What flaming mercy made you mine ? 
 
 — Lo, how my Queen forgets her reign, 
 
 Choosing to be a child again ! 
 
 5 1 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 We find the earth amazed with flowers, 
 Our laughter haunts the woods of youth ; 
 
 We live again the enchanted hours 
 
 Whose happy spells are love and truth : 
 
 My Lady takes me by the hand 
 
 And walks with me in Fairyland. 
 
 52 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 XX 
 
 Look back, look forward, Sweet, 
 
 Still shall you find the same 
 — One blessedness complete, 
 
 One joy untouched with blame ; 
 And when descending night 
 
 Shall dim the day's endeavour, 
 The stars shall light 
 No challenge of our right 
 
 To love for ever. 
 
 Amid the shifting streams 
 Of birth and life and death, 
 
 We cheapen not our dreams, 
 
 Nor spend them with our breath ; 
 
 53 
 
MY LADY'S BOOK 
 
 Change, past and yet to be, 
 We guess not, nor refuse it ; 
 
 In loving we 
 
 Have our eternity, 
 And cannot lose it. 
 
PRINTED AT 
 
 THE BALLANTYNE PRESS 
 
 LONDON 
 
UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY 
 
 THIS BOOK IS DUE ON THE LAST DATE 
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 At* i8 , 92l 
 
 
 DEC 23 ?9?5 
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 274757 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY