UC-NRLF $B 307 3b2 r MY LADY'S BOOK MY LADY'S BOOK BY GERALD GOULD • > ' ' '■ LONDON SIDGWICK AND JACKSON LTD. 3 ADAM STREET ADELPHI W.C. 1913 All rights reserved . . . TOB. J (J/J' Dear, these for you ; and since with these lyllt\ I hi Come hopes as sweet as memories. And thought more rare than to be caught In any web less fine than thought , And love so gentle as to make The world one service for your sake — May I a little hope to please, Since thus I bring my heart with these ? If anything I dream or do Is fit to offer up to you y You know y who gave it, how I live To make the most of what you give. And how the songs I write are meant For your acceptance and content — Ah y let that best of smiles ensue On this the best that I can do ! 274757 ' > > > » » ■) > , > , J > 1 » My love is fair, she is better than fair to me ; She puts me in ound of a wild white sea-gull flying ojftj^p sea ; She puts me mrnind of a dim wind going softly in the grass —Of things remembered, and young things, and things that shall come to pass. Always from a boy, as I walked the evening road And saw the curtained windows where the warm light glowed, I have desired little children, and old songs, and sleep, And an ache has come in my throat for the need I had to weep. B 9 MY LADY'S BOOK But now the doors of all kind homes have I . passed through, And found the room of my own heart warm and bright with you, And found the little children there, playing round the fire, And found the peace that i^xamier than sleep, and the songs beyond desire. s^^an id desii 10 MY LADY'S BOOK II I cannot love my Lady as I would 5 She is past loving lovable — she tries With childish hands the portals of surprise, And finds by faith those secrets understood. She wears the double crown of womanhood ; Maternal thoughts make bright her maiden eyes; Wisdom would not be pure were she not wise, Nor goodness beautiful were she not good. I have held her in my arms and called her " Sweet " ; Of this high spirit have I said " My own " 11 MY LADY'S BOOK — High, for all hearts know peace where she is known, Her hands are full of service when they greet, And round about her in the grievous street The happy airs of Paradise are blown. 12 MY LADY'S BOOK / III My Lady grieved for a flower that died, Crushed to earth by a careless tread : My Lady turned to me at her side, And " Keep this flower for my sake," she said. We had been glad of each other, and gay ; We had walked and talked for a sunny hour, Until we came where the dead flower lay — My Lady is soft and sweet as a flower. Warmth of summer is in her cheek, Gold of spring in the hair of her head. I took her gift, but I could not speak : " Keep this flower for my sake," she said. *3 MY LADY'S BOOK Poor dead flower that I shall keep, Mind me how bright was the sun that hour !- Is love so bitter ? Is love so deep ? My Lady is soft and sweet as a flower. 14 MY LADY'S BOOK IV I love you : is not that enough To make a smoothness of the rough ? You love me : shall not that suffice To sweeten worlds of pain and vice ? If love were pleasure — if we meant To dally with a poor content In soft seclusion from the stir Of hearts that know no comforter — Ah, then the loud accusing seas Would make a question of our ease ! Ah, then the fatal stars would write Our condemnation on the night ! MY LADY'S BOOK But since your eyes can summon sense Before the soul's omnipotence, And show what heavy hands of blame Fetter the centuries with shame ; Since like a sunny rain your hair Nourishes hope and drowns despair, And thoughtless music of your tongue Persuades the old earth to be young ; Since but to see you is to guess The unlonely source of loneliness, And but to touch you is to know The beauty at the heart of woe ; Since in our love and longing meet The bitter and the saving sweet ; Since with free hands, with proffered lips, With needs, with utter comradeships, 16 MY LADY'S BOOK The faith that we are keepers of Has drawn the circle of our love Round all our lovely fellows, thus Summing humanity in us — Since this we keep for surest sure, Our perfect passion makes us pure, And gives the right I have to take Your beauty for the whole world's sake, When in our oneness, heart to heart, We cannot think our thoughts apart, And life goes from us in a mist Of kissing and of being kissed. 17 MY LADY'S BOOK Love came smiling for our beguiling ; I said to my dear, " Let us be beguiled " : My dearisaid to me, "What good will it do me?" But I said to my dear, " Have the faith of a child." My dear was wary for the joys that vary, For the laughter that comes and the sighs that go ; She said, " Shall I fetter for worse or better The things that are known to what none can know ? " 18 MY LADY'S BOOK I said, " I will teach you "—I said, " I will reach you In the secret place where your shyness hides ; I will bring for your knowing the winds in their blowing, And the bright moon-service of sorrowful tides ; " I will make you stories of ancient glories, The past shall bless you as the future shall do " But my dear said to me, "If you must woo me, Is there no present way to woo ? "Is love any fairer for being the bearer Of these good things by which good hearts live ? If love came lonely, 'twould still be only All that there is to get or give." 19 MY LADY'S BOOK I said to my dearest, " Your words come nearest A deeper faith than the faith of a child," And she laughed — "My poet, I know it, I know it ; You have given all gifts to the love-beguiled." 20 MY LADY'S BOOK VI Some lovers make comparison in love, And call their lady after that or this — Like honey find the sweetness of her kiss, Or her soft speech like language of the dove ; The sky is not too high for doubting of, Whether herein it does not show amiss, And everything that good for certain is They take for good — then name one name above. But I'll not call my Lady dark or bright By any other measure than her own ; She is the Tightness by which life is right, Sums all perfections that the world has shown, And is to be esteemed herself alone, Not more than morning, neither less than night. 21 MY LADY'S BOOK VII I went before breakfast in a field full of butter- cups; My love was not there, my love was far away ; But there before breakfast in the field full of buttercups My love came and found me, came from far away. She came with the sunlight about her, caressing her, She came with the dreams not yet rubbed from her eyes ; Like a grave happy child was the sunlight caressing her, And her dreams like happy children lurked and laughed in her eyes. 22 MY LADY'S BOOK Something was loosened that had hardened in the heart of me ; Wide through the world flowed the golden stream of love ; Did the dawn-thrush call through the air or from the heart of me ? Though my love was absent, I was happy with my love. 23 MY LADY'S BOOK VIII I too have loved a goddess, set About with dreams so clear The heart can never quite forget Nor cease to hold them dear. I too, in places never known To any sort of men For dwelling, save to such alone As surely I was then, Have nursed desire beyond the scope Of this world to fulfil, And found achievement match with hope And sense prove one with will. 24 MY LADY'S BOOK I too have clasped, with passionate breath, Upon her bed of flowers, A form too vast to know such death Or ev'n such life as ours, And watched along the glimmering lines Of limbs august and bright A moonbeam such as never shines In any mortal night. The liberal kisses shed through me, The kisses from me drawn, Were bitterer than the wasteful sea And sweeter than the dawn. What follows ? — Ev'n as I am now, I cannot choose but find That goddess-light on every brow That means a woman's mind ; D 25 MY LADY'S BOOK No strange glad thing that women do, No strangeness of their pain, But is a part of what I knew And am to know again. And you, beloved ? In the deep Of those regarding eyes Are hidden dreams, for human sleep Too innocent and wise. Where did you gather them, my dear ? In fields without a name. Tell me, what music did you hear ? — For I have heard the same. But for the wisdom that I got From that divine embrace, I should have met and loved, but not Have known or claimed your face. 26 MY LADY'S BOOK But for such mingling, calm and keen, That every pulse was soul, Could any part be heard or seen, Since sense would miss the whole ? Oh what were you and what was I ? We were what all hearts are, And lo ! the changes of the sky Move round a single star ; And come or go and lose or gain And promise or recall, The future and the past are plain In every hour of all. Oh coming of your worshipped feet, Light of your hallowed brow ! I too have loved a goddess — Sweet, I love a goddess now. 2/ MY LADY'S BOOK IX I loved a girl — she is dead — She was like you, But younger — when you turn your head My dream of her comes true. She had that zest of youth Which turns to tears ; You are to her what stronger truth Is to strong hopes and fears. I loved her long and well, And always must ; She was the heav'n amid my hell, The spirit in my dust. 28 MY LADY'S BOOK But a time comes when these Grow all one thing ; You are that time — and lo ! you please, My Queen, to crown me King ! I ached with the why and whence Of her regard ; She was too easy for my sense And for my thought too hard. Each several moment she Dies, and you live; She had so much to take from me, You have so much to give. She had such childish ways, Such childish eyes, The wanton spring would speak her praise Strangely, from virgin skies. 29 MY LADY'S BOOK Well have you caught the fall Of her soft hair ; For she's not anything at all But just the self you were. Moment by moment, so, She is not, you are ; And oh ! I love her well, but oh ! I love you better far ! 30 MY LADY'S BOOK When Roland's armies perished round him, he Was left alone at Roncesvalles ; night Hung ready to enclose an ended fight, Hush the harsh music of the swords, and be As calm as that first darkness that set free The first day from the trouble of its light. But Roland knew the twilight held his fate, Nor till he died could any star be born ; And idly called to mind how he had sworn To summon succour, when his need was great, From Oliver, his lover and his mate : But Oliver no more could hear his horn. 31 MY LADY'S BOOK So clear, so very far, the message sped, The chivalry that compassed Charlemagne Knew all at once that all they loved was slain, And the past came upon them, and they said "The old fights are fought and the old heroes dead ; Roland will never blow his horn again." Princess, when night shall darken on the day Made lovely with our loving — brave no less Than songs remembered of high-heartedness, And legends learnt by children in their play — Tell me, you will not wish one hour away, Of all we had to share, Princess, Princess ? 32 MY LADY'S BOOK XI Here have my hopes come home, and in your face Have found such resting-place As wild birds find in silence, who requite Their eager day with night ; They make their home of darkness, I of light ; Eternal mine, theirs only for a space. All dreams that hurt the heart and vexed the head Have leave to go to bed ; Only the one dream that of all was known For properly my own Triumphs : my feet, that lost their way alone, Learn of your wisdom what wise paths to tread. E 33 MY LADY'S BOOK Alike in rest of hopes and speed of dreams You knit the world's extremes Into a single beauty : you by heart Know all in every part, And every fire of nature and of art With you, burns true — without you, merely seems. 34 MY LADY'S BOOK XII When I am dead, if I see How you need me in the night, I shall ask God to have pity on me And take away my sight : If I hear how your sobs swell . Where the lonely pillow is strange to your head, I shall know too well I ought not to be dead. You understand, I want so much To comfort you, to cherish you, I fear to think that I might need to touch And not be able to. 35 MY LADY'S BOOK God is aware how much I can bear Of pain, as of bliss — Surely He will have a care To spare me this. 36 MY LADY'S BOOK XIII I never had need to love you so ; I'd have been content with far, far less — Only to worship, to follow, to know I could add a touch to your happiness, Perhaps, for a moment, by waiting long, And asking nothing, and grudging never, And always trusting my love was strong To keep us safe for ever and ever ! — To understand how the waving way Your hair on the line of your forehead lies Makes the hot heart suddenly stay And the hot tears suddenly come to the eyes 37 MY LADY'S BOOK — To tremble if ever your brief hand's blessing Found me and passed like a dream of wings, Half ignoring and half caressing, Full of its favour to worthless things ! — Only to guess, when you turned and smiled, How a grave gay glance, secret and free, Of old set the nations running wild With swords a-glimmer from sea to sea, With leaping of torches and screaming of towers And puddling of blood — and, after all, That glance still young as the first spring flowers With their hint how the autumn leaves must fall! — Only to glory whenever you came ; Only to sicken whenever you went, Lest a chance too certain and strong for blame Should rob my passion of its content 38 MY LADY'S BOOK -To give, to take — with pain to be torn Out of earth into heaven in every kiss -All that, I needed and could have borne, And more — but oh not this, not this ! 39 MY LADY'S BOOK XIV " In vain, in vain ! — My fingers tire, And when my muse like a blown fire Lets from her circling pinions run Bright gleams they gather of the sun, She snatches from my sense too soon Her plumage of the golden tune, And sweeping, waning, leaves half-heard The pure unpurchasable word." So sang I sadly where the flow Of shadowy water made me know Time, the mere shadow, far too strong Alike for silence and for song ; 40 MY LADY'S BOOK And half I seemed a shadow too, And half forgot, as children do, What ill had troubled me, though still The world was heavy with my ill. Then you came to me dressed in dreams, With that shy look of yours which seems Almost too beautiful, as though Last night had grudged to let you go ; You came as one should come who brings A garland of immortal things, And set your garland on my head, And — " Sing again for me," you said. 4i MY LADY'S BOOK XV Spendthrift of peace, whose garnered sweet Not all your giving can deplete, How easily your hands dispense The happy fruits of innocence ! How perfectly you comprehend That man must have his soul for friend — And make, where carelessly you go, A song that teaches others so ! You to earth's least exalted slave Grant more than he knows how to crave, And to the heart that craves indeed Fulfil the measure of its need. 4* MY LADY'S BOOK To want — to have — no grace can bless With wider wealth of happiness : There are two gifts, and only two, And both alike proceed from you. 43 MY LADY'S BOOK XVI Summer will come, and then with steady Droop and drift the year will go ; But Spring is here already — Didn't you know ? All that was past is happy and here now, And the future sings to my senses so, I must share it with somebody dear now — Didn't you know ? Your blue eyes dance to the skies above you, Your white feet dance to the road below, And I love you, love you, love you — Didn't you know ? 44 MY LADY'S BOOK XVII The wood grew dark that had been shady, The young strong year seemed sad and tired ; Suddenly then my lovely Lady Gave me her hands that I desired ; The chill of evening changed the motion Of all the thoughts we had shared that day ; My Lady's eyes are as blue as the ocean, But the grey of evening made them grey. As the face of a nymph, the deep lake's daughter, Looking up in the starshine might, Through the waving shadows that changed like water Her dear dim face shone starry and white ; 45 MY LADY'S BOOK Her hands were cold, and something urgent Shook her lips and found no speech ; I knew the sob of dreams insurgent In the soul that only my soul can reach. Far away and hushed from hearing Were the pitiful sounds that came to mind ; Here was only the kind night nearing For us who have found the nights so kind ; Bat quiet tells tales that can strike colder Than any that storm has the secret of, And the only thing that's surer and older Than twilight sorrow is twilight love. 4 6 MY LADY'S BOOK XVIII If I have failed, as fail we must, Who buy our being at the price Of the shut gates of Paradise, And dress our very dreams in dust — Who have no certainty except The sense which lonely children keep, Seeing a rainbow fair as sleep, That God was with them when they slept ; If I have failed in Love's high art, More happy and more careful much Than that wild wisdom of the touch Whereby our painters play their part 47 MY LADY'S BOOK In shaping nature — or whereby Our grave musicians from the strings Compel the stubborn soul of things To put on life and so to die ; If I have left myself forsworn, My passionate service unfulfilled ; If the poor altars that I build Have missed one flower they should have worn ; If any day has found me slack In the endeavour that I cherish ; If I have let one purpose perish That now no day will give me back ; If foolishly I have subtracted From my joy's sum, and for disgrace Denied to any time or place Tribute my heart would have exacted — For all my faults that must outlive me And mock my failure, you can tell 4 8 MY LADY'S BOOK If I am sorry ; but, as well, You know I do not say, " Forgive me." Dear, this I am ; for this you take me ; I love with what I know of good ; I have but served you as I could, And what I shall be, you will make me ; You would not have me bring excuse, Or treat love as a debt to pay j If I have failed, I can but say, " I love you." — Is it any use ? 49 MY LADY'S BOOK XIX What used to mock the effort spent In vain attempt to guess the whole Is now the coin of my content And common language of my soul ; The unnumbered stars, the gaugeless sky, Serve but as signs to know you by. For as the thwarted thought requites Desire of bringing time to book, So does a world of infinites Shine calm and countless in your look ; More lovely and more strange are these Than the unislanded dim seas. 50 MY LADY'S BOOK And as the dizzy sense denies Conception of eternal space, So am I baffled by your eyes And lost in worshipping your face, And all your movements wake in me The music of infinity. Imprisoned as men are, they run At large in dreams through day and night ; Blind, yet they know there is a sun That floods the turning spheres in light ; And very far beyond my view Burns on in faith my love for you. O teacher of the unchanging laws, O priestess at the immortal shrine, What was the grace, the dawn, the cause ? What flaming mercy made you mine ? — Lo, how my Queen forgets her reign, Choosing to be a child again ! 5 1 MY LADY'S BOOK We find the earth amazed with flowers, Our laughter haunts the woods of youth ; We live again the enchanted hours Whose happy spells are love and truth : My Lady takes me by the hand And walks with me in Fairyland. 52 MY LADY'S BOOK XX Look back, look forward, Sweet, Still shall you find the same — One blessedness complete, One joy untouched with blame ; And when descending night Shall dim the day's endeavour, The stars shall light No challenge of our right To love for ever. Amid the shifting streams Of birth and life and death, We cheapen not our dreams, Nor spend them with our breath ; 53 MY LADY'S BOOK Change, past and yet to be, We guess not, nor refuse it ; In loving we Have our eternity, And cannot lose it. PRINTED AT THE BALLANTYNE PRESS LONDON UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY THIS BOOK IS DUE ON THE LAST DATE STAMPED BELOW PEB 18 19J5 At* i8 , 92l DEC 23 ?9?5 3 >S& . » I mo 30m 6,'14 YB 47253 U.C.BERKELEY LIBRARIES CDi455^5A71 274757 OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY