UC-NRLF 
 
 p s 
 
 1524 
 
 D3 
 
 S95 
 
 1902 
 
 MAIN 
 
LIBRARY 
 
 OF THF, 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA. 
 ?n^.T K 
 
 Class 
 

 
 

THE SYNDIC 
 
 A COMIC OPERA 
 IN THREE ACTS 
 
 Written by WASHINGTON DAVIS 
 
 Author of " Camp-Fire Chats of the Civil War," "Silent Bliss," "The Provost Guard," 
 
 " Three-Cornered Wedding." 
 Literary Associate of Hubert Howe Bancroft, etc. 
 
 Composed by D. S. HOLLINGSHEAD 
 
 Composer of " Toward the Chambers of the Dawn," " Present in Absence," "The Girl I 
 Dream About " and the opera " Mrs. Sippey. " 
 
 Jo 
 
 J 
 
 PRICE, 10 CENTS 
 
 /^^r: 
 
 f^OFTH- 
 
 : r 
 
 BALTIMORE 
 
 THE SUN JOB PRINTING OFFICE 
 1902 
 
COPYRIGHT, 1902 
 
 BY 
 
 WASHINGTON DAVIS AND D. S. HOLLINGSHEAD 
 BALTIMORE, MD., U. S. A. 
 
 All rights reserved in the United States, Great Britain, France, 
 Germany, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Belgium, Denmark, Switzerland, 
 Mexico and Chili, according to the International Copyright Law. 
 
59s 
 
 HISTORICAL NOTE. 
 
 "Qubec was founded by Samuel Champlain in 1608. It was 
 taken by the English in 1629 and restored to France by the 
 treaty of 1632. In 1636 it had one hundred inhabitants. It was 
 the colony of a concessionary company who did not fulfill their 
 promises to the settlers, and hence its growth was slow. 
 
 "The Magistrate, named by the company, was called a 
 SYNDIC, and had powers similar to those of a Mayor. The 
 King (Louis XIV of France), dissatisfied with the manage 
 ment of the Company, took the colony into his own hands, and 
 in 1663 appointed a Governor, and created the Sovereign Coun 
 cil of Quebec, who were charged with its government." 
 Appleton s Cyclopaedia, Article, "Quebec." 
 
 [ACKNOWLEDGMENT. This Libretto was written after a 
 study of W. S. Gilbert s works.] 
 
 158589 
 
LIST OF CHARACTERS. 
 
 Louis XIV, King of France. 
 
 THE SYNDIC, Governor of Quebec and a bachelor of great 
 promise. 
 
 SIR ROYAL MERINO, Secretary of the Treasury. 
 
 GENERAL Au REVOIR, Commander-in-Chief of the Army of 
 State. 
 
 COUNT VINUM Du GRAPE, Absconding Commissioner. 
 MAJOR APLOMB, a Self-Made Statesman. 
 FATHER DRIEUILLET, a Sojourning Priest. 
 
 SCRIPTUM MAJORIS, Secretary of Everything not pertaining 
 to the Colony. 
 
 SWEET JASMINE, Daughter of Sir Royal Merino. 
 
 MADAME SANS DENTUM, Mother of Charity. 
 
 LOVILLA, Adopted Sister of Syndic. 
 
 ESTELLE, Adopted Cousin of Syndic. 
 
 First Guard of the King. 
 
 Second Guard of the King. 
 
 Chorus of Acadian Peasants. 
 
 lime and costumes of early part of reign of Louis XIV. of 
 France. 
 
 SCENE Early Quebec, Canada, 1658, and Paris, France. 
 
THE SYNDIC 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 SCENE. Foot of Esplanade at Quebec in 1658. A harbor and 
 boat landing right lower, with practical rock center and left. 
 Church steeple shows behind rocks, and FATHER DRIEUIL- 
 LET ascends and rings bell joyously as curtain goes up. Left 
 lower is set zvith open reception room, with table, chairs 
 and fireplace. Right lower shows river. SCRIPTUM MAJORIS 
 blows horn, GENERAL Au REVOIR fires off small mortar gun 
 at left toward right, with very little powder and drum beat 
 behind the scenes to make the report. COUNT VINUM waves 
 the nag of France, SIR ROYAL waves his hat and ladies their 
 handkerchiefs, all as a greeting to SYNDIC as he is pulled 
 ashore by MAJOR in rowboat. 
 
 GREETING CHORUS. 
 
 All hail this day of jubilee! 
 
 Give cheer on cheer till three times three! 
 
 Ring out, glad bells, and trumpets blow, 
 
 That every patriot may know 
 
 The joy we feel, and greetings bring 
 
 To our new Syndic from the King. 
 
 Then cheer on cheer, 
 
 As the ship draws near; 
 
 When he comes ashore, 
 
 Let the cannon roar, 
 
 And colors gay 
 
 "Unfurl today, 
 
 That he may see 
 
 Our cup of glee J 
 
 Fills to the brim 
 
 To welcome him, 
 
 With cheer on cheer till three times three, 
 This glorious day of jubilee! 
 
(Enter SYNDIC, right upper, before chorus is finished and 
 makes frantic gestures of disapproval at the cheering, 
 while MAJOR APLOMB ties up the boat. 
 
 SYNDIC. Very good ! excellent ! a royal reception ! It com 
 mends your loyalty and does me a world of honor; but by 
 e\ *ry grace of all my patron saints, don t let it go any fur 
 ther. SICL it right here! 
 
 ^L. (Salutes.) Why, sir, we thought you would be 
 pleased. 
 
 SYNDIC. So I am, wonderfully pleased pleased beyond the 
 bounds of pleasure. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. Then let us cheer a reception without cheers is 
 cheerless. Ha, ha! I m getting young again. (Chuckles and 
 cfoers. ) 
 
 SYNDIC. No, no ! If news of this should get back to France, 
 the King s jealousy at my popularity would at once return me 
 to the Bastile. 
 
 ALL. Oh, oh. 
 
 SYNDIC. And thus nip in the very bud the brightest hopes 
 of our beautiful administration that is to be. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. So it would so it would. 
 
 SYNDIC. Hence, on my behalf, don t be guilty of such good 
 humor again. I know you only meant it as good humor. 
 
 GENERAL. But the public demonstration ! We must quell the 
 riotous public spirit by a tremendous parade, or something, in 
 your favor or in somebody s favor ! It has become absolutely 
 necessary to favor somebody publicly ; and each of us being 
 loaded with more honors than we can carry already, we natur 
 ally selected you, our new governor. Three times three! (All 
 cheer.) 
 
 SYNDIC. Don t ! Don t ! ! Don t ! ! ! 
 
 GENERAL. But we must cheer. 
 
 ALL. Yes, we must cheer. 
 
 GENERAL. A revolution will break out if we don t cheer! 
 We ve had no governor for a whole year no one to look up 
 to. We couldn t look up to ourselves very well, being only 
 heads of departments, and we are just dying to be governed 
 three times 
 
 (Start to cheer, but are stopped by SYNDIC.) 
 
SYNDIC. No, no! You must never display any good feeling 
 whatever, especially in public. His Majesty, acting through 
 My Excellency, might I don t say he would, but he might 
 think you too prosperous, and either increase the taxes or wipe 
 out the whole colon}-. 
 
 ALL. (Mournfully.} Oh, oh! 
 
 SYNDIC. I ll tell you how to escape a revolution without 
 noise. Why, I ve escaped a hundred revolutions in the Old 
 World, and never made a bit of noise about it, particularly 
 while I was escaping. Just hear ME. 
 
 ALL. Hear! Hear! (Wave handkerchiefs, hats and Hags.) 
 
 THE SYNDICS SONG. 
 SOLO SYNDIC. 
 
 O, I m the governor-general great ! 
 
 The Syndic is my title 
 Adorning Quebec s chair of state, 
 
 And my edicts all are vital. 
 For all your ills I m the panacea 
 The proof of this is prima facia 
 And I ll rule your roost in style, I ween, 
 For I come direct from Louis Fourteen. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 He ll rule our roost in style, we ween, 
 For he comes direct from Louis Fourteen. 
 
 The King of France is a very nice man. 
 
 Who reigns quite well when sober, 
 And has a good time whenever he can, 
 
 From May until October. 
 His ambassadors are men of brains, 
 Who know enough to come in when it rains, 
 And are never bribed by sordid pelf, 
 But are oft mistook for the King himself ! 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 They re never bribed by sordid pelf. 
 But are oft mistook for the King himself. 
 
ALL. Hooray, hooray! Vive la Roi ! 
 
 SYNDIC. Silence! 1 ^ay, no more cheering. 
 
 GENERAL. Rut this time we were cheering the King of 
 France ! 
 
 SYNDIC. Exactly. But indirectly you were cheering Me, 
 because some people think I look like him ! 
 
 SIR ROYAL. You do look precisely like him. 
 
 GENERAL. His very counterfeit. 
 
 MAJOR. (Aside.) Counterfeits are no good. 
 
 ^Ladies all cross to lower left and hold whispered conversa 
 tion, looking back frequently over shoulder at SYNDIC.) 
 
 SYNDIC. 1 do look like him ; that is an accepted fact. But, 
 you see, the ladies have stopped cheering. They understand 
 this jealousy question pretty well. Some ladies think the King 
 is jealous of me. 
 
 LADIES. (Confidentially to one another.) 
 
 O, he s as handsome as handsome can be ! 
 And he looks live Louis X I V. 
 
 (MADAME SANS, LOVILLA and ESTELLE keep on whispering, 
 while SWEET JASMINE steps aside and fans herself with 
 both hands as though about to faint from being affected at 
 sight of SYNDIC.) 
 
 SYNDIC. (Looking askance at JASMINE.) Ah! a beautiful 
 flower for such a wild forest. (Throws kiss at her flirtation.) 
 
 JASMINE. Oh, I can t stand this oppressive atmosphere. It s 
 cold, but oppressive. (Exit.) 
 
 SYNDIC. (To GENERAL and SIR ROYAL.) Yes, the fact that 
 I resemble the King in looks, actions and thoughts has given 
 me great trouble, but also great glory. So many of my friends 
 in Paris had so often remarked this that I persuaded myself to 
 issue a few royal edicts on my own account. Of course these 
 came to the ears of the King, and I was invited to take up my 
 residence where society was scarce and the bill of fare was not 
 such as a gentleman might desire in a deep, dark parlor of 
 the Bastile, indefinitely! Yes, sir, i-n-d-e-f-i-n-i-t-e-1-y- 
 
 MAJOR. That might have been a very long time. 
 
SYNDIC. It might have been a very long time; but the King 
 happened to glance over some of my edicts, found them to be 
 very good and wisely concluded that, as I so much resembled 
 his Majesty himself, I would be just the one t(* exercise his 
 royal prerogatives. So, here I am, the Governor of France s 
 greatest colony ! 
 
 GENERAL. We greet you loyally, for you bring us good cheer. 
 Three times 
 
 SYNDIC. No, no ; but you may have the privilege of accept 
 ing the thanks of His Majesty and also those of My Excel 
 lency ; and now we will immediately hold a council of state. 
 The Secretary of the Colonial Treasury (SiR ROYAL bows) 
 and the Commander-in-Chief of the army (GENERAL bows) 
 will remain while the others retire, as the Secretary of the 
 Navy (MAJOR bows) favors us with one of his inimitable opera 
 tions to warm us up and tell us of his remarkable career. 
 
 (All exeunt except MAJOR, SYNDIC, SIR ROYAL and GENERAL, 
 who take seats and consult together near left lower, where 
 there is an open reception room; and MAJOR APLOMB 
 brings saw-buck and saw to right lower, saws two or three 
 sticks of wood, whittles shavings and starts fire in grate, 
 left center, reception room, while he sings:) 
 
 THE MAJOR S RISE. 
 SOLO. MAJOR APLOMB. 
 
 In sixteen hundred and twenty-four 
 
 See-saw see-saw ! 
 My start was made by doing this chore 
 
 See-saw see-saw ! 
 I d often heard such wondrous tales 
 Of chopping down trees and splitting rails 
 By statesmen wise and great and good, 
 That I began by sawing wood 
 
 See-saw see-saw ! 
 
 From humble work it was my fate - 
 
 See- saw see-saw ! 
 To rise to my present exalted state 
 
 See-saw see-saw ! 
 
IO 
 
 For I soon found out some very good tricks 
 Of cutting and drying political sticks, 
 Till my political renown 
 W*s given a title by the crown 
 See-saw see-saw ! 
 
 Like noblemen from everywhere 
 
 See-saw see-saw ! 
 I m fond of maidens young and fair 
 
 See-saw see-saw ! 
 Inoculated with royal blood, 
 I show democracy by sawing wood. 
 Till creditors no longer moan, 
 Then an American heiress I ll call my own 
 
 See-saw see-saw ! 
 
 SYNDIC. (Comes down and hits MAJOR vigorously on back.} 
 Great, Major, great. You are one of nature s noblemen, in 
 deed ; and your greatness shall be rewarded by the most beau 
 tiful and richest heiress in the colony. 
 
 MAJOR. (Bows, then cheers.} Hooray for Your Excellency! 
 
 GENERAL. (Rises, crosses, rapidly comes down and crosses 
 again, rubbing hands nervously.} But, sir, you have seen the 
 entire population except the peasants there s only one heiress 
 in the colony SWEET JASMINE, the daughter of SIR ROYAL 
 (Waves hand as though introducing SIR ROYAL, who comes 
 down and bows} and, you see, SIR ROYAL and myself ahem ! 
 are already very, very friendly. (Bows pretentiously to SIR 
 ROYAL and then stands erect folding arms.} 
 
 SIR ROYAL. General Au Revoir has told the truth for once 
 in his life, and then, to be sure, there is Count Vinum du 
 Grape (GENERAL and MAJOR turn away from each other and 
 from SIR ROYAL and groan loudly at mention of COUNT S 
 name,} who makes some pretentious to my daughter s hand. 
 Of course, I am perfectly willing that any of these gentlemen, 
 but not all of them should marry her (GENERAL and MAJOR 
 groan again.} and I would like to have the thing settled. But 
 it the Major is the lucky man, what is to be done with trie 
 other two? 
 
II 
 
 SYNDIC. (Scratches his head.) Well, as I have promised, 
 this is to be a model administration, and in order to give every 
 man his choice, a royal decree now issues making every lady 
 an heiress, beautiful and rich. 
 
 (Enter ladies, except JASMINE, suddenly and cheer and wave 
 handkerchiefs and take hands of SYNDIC and other busi 
 ness to show lavish affection.} 
 
 LADIES. (Sing.) Ladies fair and rich we ll be, 
 Made so by your great decree ! 
 
 SYNDIC. Why, ladies, you must not interrupt this council of 
 state ! 
 
 MADAME. We couldn t help but listen wanted to hear your 
 first decree woman s curiosity, you know and we came as a 
 committee of thanks. (MADAME, LOVILLA and ESTELLE bow 
 respectfully and exeunt quickly.} 
 
 SYNDIC. We must have a sergeant-at-arms to guard our 
 deliberations. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. We should have a sergeant-at-arms; but we 
 have been peaceful and prosperous so long that each of us have 
 eight or ten offices now, and the office of Colonial sergeant-at- 
 arms is still vacant. 
 
 SYNDIC. The Major (MAJOR bozus) will act as sergeant-at- 
 arms. 
 
 MAJOR. With all due loyalty and dignity. (Exit and return 
 with trident and keep back all who try to enter until exeunt of 
 SYNDIC, GENERAL and SIR ROYAL after "Conspirators Trio."} 
 
 SYNDIC. My Excellency s second great edict is one for the 
 relief and encouragement of love-sick couples who wish to 
 elope. 
 
 GENERAL. That will set everybody s heart afire. The colony 
 is already ripe for revolution, sir. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. So it is ripe dead ripe; business dead, money 
 all on the government trees, waiting to be plucked. 
 
 GENERAL. The soldiers have all set sail for their homes in 
 the Old World I am the only one left of the whole army. We 
 really need a revolution, or the colony will die from too much 
 peace. 
 
12 
 
 SYNDIC. (Crosses, takes papers from table, goes to fireplace, 
 turns to look at others, holds papers behind his back and drops 
 them in the fire with great nonchalance.} One revolution dies 
 a premature death. 
 
 GENERAL. Why, sir, you have burned up all our recent stat 
 utes. (Tries to recover papers.} 
 
 SYNDIC. (Turns and looks at papers.} They are burning, 
 to be sure; but it is a mere accident. Revolutions are some 
 times quelled by accident. Are there any more public disturb 
 ances that require an accident? 
 
 SIR ROYAL. Well, yes; the all-important cause has been 
 overlooked. Your Excellency will see that my daughter 
 ahem foregoing modesty and family pride my daughter s 
 marriage prospects are the real genesis of this public indisposi 
 tion. 
 
 SYNDIC. I understand ; and My Excellency takes a personal 
 interest, yes, sir, a personal interest, in the matter, by issuing 
 the edict of elopement. She s not the first woman who has 
 caused a revolution. 
 
 GENERAL. And she s as good and beautiful and rich as any 
 who ever smiled on a brave soldier. (Salutes and bows.*) 
 
 MAJOR. Or as ever betrothed to a self-made statesman. 
 (Boivs very humbly, then continues pacing to and fro in rear 
 as a sentinel. ) 
 
 SIR ROYAL. She will necessarily have an official wedding. 
 (Very pompously.} The Secretary of the Treasury practically 
 owns all the funds in the country, and half will thereby entail 
 to her lucky husband. 
 
 SYNDIC. I will take a further personal interest. An edict 
 (writes at table} hereby issues that this young lady be married 
 at once. 
 GENERAL, MAJOR and SIR ROYAL. Hooray! Hooray! ! 
 
 ray ! ! ! 
 
 SYNDIC. With such a cause, I really favor a revolution, or 
 rebellion, or insurrection one of those colonial or republican 
 affairs, vest-pocket, bloodless edition on good paper most of 
 them are on paper one that will attract attention from the out 
 side world, so that we can sell more bonds. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. Yes, sell more bonds. There s great profit in 
 the right kind of a revolution. 
 
GENERAL. And fame, too. 
 
 SYNDIC. And fame. We have a great precedent. There 
 was Greece and Troy. A pretty girl was carried off some 
 place over there (Scratches his head) I think it was Greece. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. (Scratches his head.) Or Troy. There is no 
 reason why it should not have been Troy, although it may 
 have been Greece. 
 
 GENERAL. (Very emphatic.} It was Paris who carried off 
 Helen of Troy, and the war which followed has thundered 
 down past all ages. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. So it has so it has ! 
 
 SYNDIC. We must have a thundering war like that! Gen 
 eral Au Revoir, My Excellency appoints you to carry away 
 Sweet Jasmine of Quebec, but keep me posted where she is so 
 that her marriage edict may be carried into effect at any time. 
 Keep her safe until after the revolution. 
 
 MAJOR. Horrors ! I ll never see her again. 
 
 GENERAL. But whom will she marry? 
 
 SYNDIC. You ll see later. You shall be satisfied. Do you 
 swear? (Holds up his right hand.) 
 
 GENERAL. (Holds up hand.) I swear. 
 
 SYNDIC. Sir Royal, will you join this deep, dark conspiracy 
 and swear? 
 
 SIR ROYAL. (Holds up hand.) I swear. 
 
 SYNDIC, GENERAL and SIR ROYAL. (Join their right hands 
 above their heads.) We swear. 
 
 CONSPIRATORS TRIO. 
 SYNDIC, GENERAL and SIR ROYAL. 
 
 To this we pledge our precious lives, 
 And the fortunes of those to be our wives, 
 And all the honor we may need 
 To make this bloodless war succeed; 
 And, if we must, we swear to lie 
 Against the foemen we defy 
 
 The foemen we defy ! 
 GENERAL. 
 
 Back in the days of Troy, 
 A bright-eyed, love-sick boy 
 Captured a maiden coy 
 
 To be his love and pride. 
 
1-1 
 
 From that time to this day, 
 It has been Cupid s way 
 To lead young men astray. 
 
 With Paris for their guide. 
 
 My plans are all well laid 
 To steal this modern maid, 
 And by a famous raid 
 
 Make her a soldier s bride ! 
 
 SIR ROYAL. 
 
 For your career so bold, 
 I ll furnish all the gold, 
 That it may ne er be told 
 I didn t do my part. 
 
 Like every father good, 
 
 I ll watch my daughter s mood, 
 
 And be it understood, 
 
 I ll guard my daughter s heart ! 
 
 And when we re known to fame, 
 It ll be the public aim 
 To set up for each name 
 A marble work of art ! 
 
 SYNDIC. 
 
 What you may need of health, 
 Of courage or of stealth, 
 Or any extra wealth, 
 By edicts I ll supply. 
 
 This is no idle boast 
 You ve counted with your host, 
 Who ll always do the most 
 To laud you to the sky. 
 
 The soldier is most dear, 
 Who never knows a fear ; 
 So be of royal cheer 
 The foemen we defy! 
 
ALL. 
 
 To this we pledge our precious lives, 
 And the fortunes of those to be our wives ; 
 And all the honor we may need 
 To make this bloodless war succeed ; 
 And, if we must, we swear to lie 
 Against the foemen we defy 
 
 The foemen we defy ! 
 SYNDIC. ^ 
 
 SIR ROYAL. ALL. 
 
 GENERAL. J 
 Come away! Come away! 
 
 (Exeunt left lower. )\ 
 
 (During singing of last chorus all except FATHER DRIEUILLET 
 and SWEET JASMINE gather up stage and finally break past 
 MAJOR cheering and following the trio and exeunt, except 
 COUNT VINUM and MAJOR.) 
 
 COUNT. Vy, vat is zees Moseer le Mazhure? 
 
 MAJOR. Conspiracy ! Great excitement ! Revolution coming, 
 and you and I are left out! His Excellency issued an order 
 for Sir Royal s daughter to be married immediately. Figura 
 tively speaking, we must make figures and saw wood in dead 
 earnest. The General is to steal Sweet Jasmine, but I m 
 betrothed to her! 
 
 COUNT. Betrothed! (Shrugs shoulders.) And vat of ME? 
 She should be MINE ! 
 
 MAJOR. But she ain t, and the next best thing you can do is 
 to make a bargain with me! You carry her off and hide her, 
 and I ll give you half her fortune as soon as I m married to 
 her. 
 
 COUNT. (Excitedly.) Kow marry to her? Eemposeeble! 
 ze green cheese marry to ze lofely moon? Par bleu! 
 
 MAJOR. You carry her away, and you ll see ! Is it a bar 
 gain? 
 
 COUNT. Oh, I carry ze angel around. {Confused, taps fore 
 head.) Non ! I carry her avay! Eef zere is conspiracee, I 
 carry her avay in le grand vie tore e! 
 
 MAJOR. Well, you shall be paid. (Goes up, looks off, left 
 upper, comes dozvn rapidly.) Now s your chance! Lose no 
 time ! Get behind this sawbuck, for here she comes. (Exit left 
 lower. ) 
 
i6 
 
 COUNT. (Secretes himself.) Oh, I carry her avay ! (Sig 
 nificantly.) 
 
 (Enter SWEET JASMINE, left upper, reading book, crosses to 
 right, looks at water and sings coming down.) 
 
 THE SIGHING MAIDEN. 
 
 DUET. JASMINE AND COUNT VINUM. 
 JASMINE. 
 
 Maiden sighing by the water 
 Rich man s pretty, only daughter ! 
 Heart too full of love to break it 
 Not a man around to take it 
 Ah me ah me! 
 
 COUNT. (Leaves place of hiding and approaches behind 
 her.) 
 
 Sighing beauty, lovely creature, 
 Fair in form, divine in feature; 
 Eye that makes my life grow brighter- 
 Smile that bids my heart be lighter- 
 Be mine be mine! 
 
 JASMINE. (Turns.) 
 
 Stranger, you cannot deceive me 
 
 Men were never, never true; 
 Now I pray you, pray you, leave me 
 
 I will never marry you 
 It can never, never be ! 
 
 COUNT. (Pleading.) 
 
 Sweetness of the summer morning, 
 
 Breath of every tropic sea, 
 Cease your sighing, cease forlorning 
 
 I ll be ever true to thee 
 Come fly with me, come fly with me ! 
 
 (Crosses and takes her left hand in his right.) 
 
 JASMINE.. O, no; I d rather die! 
 COUNT. O, come with me, come fly ! 
 
17 
 
 (lie puts his right arm around her waist and she struggles 
 as they sing and cross to left upper, then she faints before 
 exit, with head thrown back and arms dangling.) 
 
 JASMINE. No, no; I ll die- I ll die! 
 
 (She faints and COUNT VINUM drags her off stage.) 
 
 COUNT. Yes, yes ! We ll fly ! 
 
 (Enter MAJOR, right lower.) 
 
 (Enter left lower SYNDIC, SIR ROYAL and all others, except 
 COUNT VINUM, SWEET JASMINE and FATHER DRIEUILLET. 
 MAJOR salutes SYNDIC.) 
 
 SYNDIC. Where is Sweet Jasmine? 
 
 MAJOR. Where? Why, I ve been hunting for her this last 
 two hours She must be gone. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. Gone! (Throws up hands as though about to 
 fall.) My life my daughter! 
 
 MADAME SANS. (Aside.) I m glad of it! 
 
 LOVILLA. (Aside.) So am I. 
 
 ESTELLE. (Aside.) And I. 
 
 SYNDIC. You say she s gone ? 
 
 MAJOR. I don t see her. (Looks all around.) So she must 
 be gone. 
 
 SYNDIC. And the Count? 
 
 MAJOR. He don t count. 
 
 GENERAL. (To Major.) Your superficial nature would be 
 good on a pun-itive expedition. Maybe he has stolen a march 
 on us. 
 
 MAJOR. We re all right if he hasn t stolen anything more 
 than a march. 
 
 SYNDIC. Search every nook and corner. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. Spare no expense. 
 
 GENERAL. Capture the enemy. 
 
 SYNDIC. She must be found. 
 
 ALL. (Clamorously.) She must be found. 
 
 SYNDIC. Why, sirs, this is the greatest calamity that could 
 possibly befall this colony. 
 
 GENERAL. Tremendous disaster. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. A national disgrace. 
 
 GENERAL.. Turn loose the dog5 of war. 
 
i8 
 
 SYNDIC. Turn everything loose and upside down and inside 
 out, but find her! 
 
 ALL. Find her ! Find her ! 
 
 SYNDIC. The magic triumvirate of the three weird brothers 
 will find her. (Taps SIR ROYAL on shoulder, then taps GEN 
 ERAL. All three take center of stage and hold hands as in 
 Trio.) 
 
 FINALE. 
 
 TRIO. 
 
 SYNDIC, SIR ROYAL AND GENERAL. 
 
 To this we pledge our precious lives, 
 
 And the fortunes of those to be our wives, 
 
 And all the honor we may need 
 
 To make this bloodless war succeed ; 
 
 And, if we must, we swear to lie 
 
 Against the foemen we defy 
 
 The foemen we defy! 
 
 MAJOR. Let me join you. Ain t I weird enough? (Steps 
 alongside.) 
 
 SYNDIC. Yes, yes ! 
 
 Though you re not made of royal stuff, 
 The Old Nick knows you re weird enough. 
 
 QUARTET. 
 SYNDIC, SIR ROYAL, GENERAL AND MAJOR. 
 
 Behold our martial front augments 
 To crush all things it circumvents ! 
 Whoever does not come to taw 
 Must meet our military maw ! 
 
 From duty we ll not swerve 
 We re filling up our ranks, 
 
 And all of them who serve, 
 Do without pay or thanks. 
 Behold our martial front augments 
 To crush all things it circumvents. 
 
19 
 
 FULL CHORUS. 
 
 SYNDIC, GENERAL, SIR ROYAL AND 
 
 MAJOR. CHORUS. 
 
 From duty we ll not swerve From duty we ll not swerve 
 We re filling up our ranks, We re filling up your rank. 
 
 And all of them who serve, And all of us who serve, 
 Do without pay or thanks. Do without pay or thanks. 
 
 ALL Now thunders roar and forests moan, 
 
 And lightnings flash and mountains groan, 
 
 And rain and hail 
 
 With wind bewail, 
 
 And wrath of kings, 
 With dogs of war, 
 
 And all such things, 
 
 From near and far. 
 Descend at once on every head, 
 Till we find out where Jasmine s fled ! 
 
 On every head 
 
 On every head ! 
 Till we find out where she has fled ! 
 
 Rain, hail, wind, fire, 
 
 Wrath, vengeance, ire. 
 Descend at once on every head, 
 Till we find out where she has fled. 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 END OF ACT I. 
 
20 
 
 ACT II.. 
 
 SCENE. Armorer s room at the citadel, Quebec. 
 
 DISCOVERED. All the men except COUNT VINUM. They are 
 greatly excited, partly dressed in armor and each hurriedly 
 finishes equipping himself while FATHER DRIEUILLET busies 
 himself with putting papers and small books into the pock 
 ets of his cloak. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Prepare to face 
 
 This great disgrace! 
 Let every knight from everywhere 
 Now come to rescue this maiden fair, 
 Whose awful fate, if she s not found, 
 Will wage a war the world around ! 
 
 So come, brave knights, for weal or woe, 
 
 To act pro bono publico ! 
 
 SYNDIC. Indeed, this most ungracious theft of Sweet Jas 
 mine by Count Vinum threatens the whole existence of this 
 domain as a domain. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. So it does threaten so it does ; for she is my 
 (jows with great respect to SYNDIC) my daughter. Her loss 
 will naturally break my heart, and how can the treasury of the 
 domain be conducted with a broken heart? 
 
 SYNDIC. By any and all means, we must prevent her mesal 
 liance with the Count. 
 
 MAJOR. By every means we must. It will be certain ruin to 
 the (bows low} to the navy department a mesalliance, in 
 deed ! if she marries anybody but me ! 
 
 GENERAL. (Salutes the MAJOR with great precision.) You 
 are very straightforward in your remarks. (Bows politely to 
 SYNDIC and SIR ROYAL.) Be sure the army will strain every 
 sinew to recover the missing girl. 
 
 FATHER D. The church has deep solicitude (bows slightly 
 for all her children, but counsels peace. 
 
 SYNDIC. But, as the royal representative of His Majesty the 
 King of France (pompously,) My Excellency the Governor- 
 General, must insist that this gem of the Western Hemi 
 sphere 
 
21 
 
 MAJOR. As sweet as a flower from the Garden of Eden 
 GENERAL. With charms to inspire a whole army corps 
 SIR ROYAL. Yes (greatly pleased; bows twice} my daugh 
 ter 
 
 SYNDIC. My Excellency must insist that this sweet peach 
 from the tree of English royalty be not allied to that siren of 
 French nobility, Count Vinum du Grape! 
 
 ALL. We all insist. 
 
 SYNDIC. Think of the tremendous international conse 
 quences! Every throne around the earth would fall! My 
 Excellency well knows His Majesty s wrath on the subject of 
 unchivalric mesalliances, and then 
 
 SIR ROYAL. And then! after the mesalliance? 
 
 ALL. Then, the royal rebuke. 
 
 SYNDIC. After the mesalliance, the royal rebuke; then, a 
 world-wide war ! 
 
 SIR ROYAL. Ah ! ( Rubs hands in great glee.} So good of 
 you to make my family famous! 
 
 SYNDIC. Of course. I am always obliging, especially in 
 family matters. But the labyrinthine international intricacy! 
 My Excellency s rebuke will surely arouse old England s solici 
 tude for colonial civilization. The King of England s step- 
 grandsire married a cousin of the King of Spain, whose father- 
 in-law married an aunt of the Netherlands, whose brother-in- 
 law is a Russian cousin of a German princess, who was a 
 great-aunt of the King of Italy ; and the Sultan of Turkey 
 
 GENERAL. Horrors ! 
 
 SYNDIC. And the Shah of Persia 
 
 MAJOR. More horrors ! ! 
 
 SYNDIC. Arid the Emperor of China 
 
 GENERAL AND MAJOR. ALL the horrors ! ! ! 
 
 SYNDIC. Will naturally follow in the imbroglio as a matter 
 of fashion. 
 
 STR ROYAL. So they will so they will, as a matter of fash 
 ion. 
 
 MAJOR. O, horrible! most horrible!! 
 
 SYNDIC. Up and away ! Prevent this great calamity by cap 
 turing the Count. All business is hereby suspended until Count 
 Vinum s apprehended. (Bugle sounds. ) 
 
 GENERAL. Come, follow me, ye brave! 
 
22 
 WARRIOR S BATTLE SONG. 
 
 QUINTET CHORUS. SYNDIC, GENERAL, M AJOR, SIR ROYAL AND 
 SCRIPTUM MAJORIS. 
 
 O come, ye brave, obey the bugle s call ! 
 Before your flashing steel let every foeman fall ! 
 
 To arms ! To horse ! Away ! 
 
 Ride gaily to the fray ! 
 Where er our banner s flaunted, 
 Let courage be undaunted ; 
 And what we lack of troops, 
 Make up with wild war whoops. 
 
 For in the history of man, 
 
 Most wars are fought on this same plan ; 
 
 So when we re in a royal stew, 
 
 We ll do as other nations do, 
 
 And win all battles easy enough, 
 
 By giving the enemy a royal bluff ! 
 
 Then come, ye brave, obey the bugle s call 
 Before your flashing steel, let every foeman fall ! 
 
 FATHER DRIEUILLET. No, no ! I protest ! Peace ! peace ! ! 
 The church forbids this rashness. None are more interested in 
 the children of the church than I, and I do counsel peace ! Go 
 slow. Hear the words of the wise. 
 
 THE FRIAR S SONG. 
 SOLO. FATHER DRIEUILLET. 
 
 In all your bustle of chivalry. 
 
 Just stop and take a lesson from me. 
 
 Don t worry and fret and foment strife, 
 
 But look at the beauties of a peaceful life, 
 
 That s hallowed with blessings day by day, 
 
 For all content to live my way 
 
 For all content to live my way. 
 
23 
 
 Of course, I journey from place to place, 
 Condoning the ills of the human race, 
 And teaching everyone I meet 
 To make his life so gentle and sweet, 
 With wants so few and passions curbed, 
 That at night his rest will be undisturbed 
 At night his rest will be undisturbed. 
 
 My fortunes can never end in the lurch, 
 
 For I always depend on the power of the church. 
 
 In summer I ve the juiciest berries and cream 
 
 In winter the finest fish in the stream ; 
 
 For of all good things that men desire, 
 
 There s nothing too good for a holy friar 
 
 There s nothing too good for a holy friar ! 
 
 SYNDIC. Very good from your standpoint; but as a family, 
 fashionable and international matter 
 
 SIR ROYAL. And as good cause for selling more bonds 
 
 GENERAL. And to prevent the mesalliance 
 
 MAJOR. We must prevent the mesalliance 
 
 SYNDIC. Aye, all our troubles make it better far to catch 
 the Count, though it may cost a war ! Brook no delay away ! 
 away ! ! 
 
 (Enter MADAME SANS, LOVILLA and ESTELLE.) 
 
 ALL. Away, away ! ! 
 
 (Bugle sounds.} 
 
 (Exeunt with great nourish all except MADAME, LOVILLA, ES 
 TELLE and SCRIPTUM MAJORIS, who falls down and cannot 
 arise on account of his weight of armor. Men all sing first 
 strain of "Battle Song" as they go off, while FATHER 
 DRIEUILLET follows after them, shaking his head doubtfully.} 
 
 MADAME. O, fickle man, to run after that woman and leave 
 us here ! 
 
 JLoviLLA. O, heartless man, forgetting his adopted relatives! 
 
 ESTELLE. O. faithless man, defying the royal decree that 
 makes us as beautiful and rich as she! 
 
 MADAME. All gone traipsing after her, as though we never 
 existed ! 
 
2 4 
 
 (ScRiPTUM groans and calls for help. MADAME discovers 
 
 him. ) 
 
 No, here s one. (Goes to him, bends over stiffly and shakes 
 him. ) 
 
 SCRIPTUM. Help me up. 
 
 MADAME. What ! To run with the others after that exalted 
 beauty? You may lie there till doomsday first. 
 
 LOVILLA. I say so, too. 
 ESTELLE. And I. 
 
 MADAME. Yon ought to be shaken real good. (Shakes 
 him.) 
 
 LOVILLA. And have your hair pulled. (Tries to lift up his 
 mask, then hits him with her glove.) 
 
 ESTELLE. And take this compliment from me! (Strikes 
 him with her parasol.) 
 
 SCRIPTUM. Whew ! I d rather face a regiment than a 
 woman s wrath. Help me up and I ll I ll beg your pardon. 
 You see, like all the full-armed nations, I m too well protected 
 for mobility. 
 
 (They help him arise, and he braces himself stoutly to keep 
 from falling again.) 
 
 MADAME. (Tries to lift his mask.) Which one are you, 
 anyhow ? 
 
 SCRIPTUM. Me? I m Scriptum Majoris, Envoy Extraordi 
 nary, Ambassador and Minister Plenipotentiary, External Sec 
 retary of Foreign Affairs, Viceroy and Consul-General to this 
 court for each of the nations of Matabeleland, Madagascar, 
 Borneo, South Wales, Corea, Iceland and St. .T^sop s Bay, 
 and a great many other things from every place else all at 
 your service ; but I don t dare to bow, I might fall down. On 
 state occasions like this I am expected to wear all my regalia. 
 
 MADAME. Well, sir, we ll regale you. (Shakes her fist in 
 his face, LOVILLA shakes her glove at him and ESTELLE threat 
 ens with parasol.) On state occasions, when we have been so 
 heroically snubbed, you may beware the vengeance of a 
 woman s indignation. 
 
25 
 
 WOMAN S INDIGNATION. 
 
 QUADRETTE. 
 MADAME SANS, LOVILLA, ESTELLE AND SCRIPTUM MAJORIS. 
 
 There is nothing in creation 
 Like a woman s indignation, 
 
 Whenever she is righteously mad ! 
 She thinks "dash it," but don t say it, 
 Though her actions all betray it 
 
 In a manner too awful, awful sad 
 Awful sad 
 
 In a manner too awful, awful sad ! 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 O, then she ought to cry ! 
 She ll be all the sweeter bye and bye ; 
 For it s one of nature s laws 
 That she loves the man she jaws, 
 Which is the wherefore and the why. 
 
 She may glide across the carpet, 
 Slam the door enough to warp it, 
 
 And her lovely-dovey eyes may flash ; 
 But if you ever blame her, 
 Before she has grown tamer, 
 
 You ll live on universal succotash 
 Succotash 
 
 You ll live on universal succotash ! 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Her gentle hand outstretches 
 To forgive such horrid wretches 
 
 As all men many times may be; \ 
 Though she cannot do without em, 
 She has always cause to doubt em, 
 
 For they fib so frequentle 
 
 Frequentlee 
 For they fib so f requentlee ! 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
26 
 
 So, the only safe direction, 
 For a maiden of affection, 
 
 Is never of her maiden life to tire; 
 Though her single bliss be dreaded, 
 She must always go unwedded, 
 
 Or regenerate some noble falsifier 
 Falsifier 
 
 Or regenerate some noble falsifier! 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 SCKIPTUM. Madame and ladies : As a recognition of your 
 very ladylike sentiments, I would like very much to bow I 
 have a real sincere desire to bow (braces himself stiffly), but 
 my diplomatic equipments are somewhat at variance with my 
 wish; therefore, kindly accept the will for the deed. 
 
 MADAME. We ll do nothing of the kind. After such be 
 havior, everyone of you ought to be very humble. 
 
 SCRIPTUM. I am very, very humble. In lieu of a full cour 
 tesy I will try to bow a little. Now (carefully bows a little 
 and falls forward on hands and knees, rolling over on side.} 
 O disaster on disaster ! My elbows and my knees all need a 
 plaster ! 
 
 MADAME. (Throws up her hands in astonishment.} Dear 
 me ! The government entirely abandoned for the love of a 
 flippant, girl. Well, as the Mother of Charity, it is my duty to 
 take it in charge. (Goes to SCRIPTUM and pushes him with her 
 foot.} If I help you out of your difficulty, do you promise me 
 your loyalty? 
 
 SCRIPTUM. I promise. (Attempts to rise, but falls back.} I 
 promise all a diplomat can. Proceed. You see I am pros 
 trate at your feet. 
 
 MADAME. (With great dignity.} Then I assume the total 
 dignity, the glory, title and majesty of reigning queen. 
 
 ALL. Vive Madame Sans Dentum ! 
 
 LOVILLA. ) 
 
 P V And I shall be a princess. 
 
 MADAME. (Haughtily.} Assist the noble gentleman to ex 
 tricate himself. ( LOVILLA and ESTELLE help SCRIPTUM arise, 
 
27 
 
 then they take off his armor.) The first prerogative I ll exer 
 cise is that of other queens above all other women. I now 
 will choose my Prince Consort. 
 
 SCRIPTUM. Great Hymen! I m the only man around! 
 
 MADAME. Will you be he? 
 
 SCRIPTUM. Well, you see, except diplomatically, I did not 
 promise to love you. 
 
 MADAME. Nay, I command you to love me, in person and 
 alone ! 
 
 SCRIPTUM. But, Madame, the difference in our ages 
 
 MADAME. Sir ! How dare you ! 
 
 SCRIPTUM. Oh, no offense no offense (disconcerted.) Yet, 
 there is quite a difference. You may be fifty-six and I am 
 only twenty-eight. 
 
 MADAME. Well, sir, as ,\ Queen (haughtily), for your. bene 
 fit, I will revise our mathematics as applied to matrimony. 
 Fifty-six and twenty-eight are eighty-four (counts on fingers), 
 hence our average age is forty-two. My Queen s prerogative 
 will now declare that the fashionable age for every couple to 
 marry is the AVERAGE age of the contracting parties throughout 
 this realm. 
 
 SCRIPTUM. As a matter of international courtesy, I suppose 
 I must submit and diplomatically take my chances for a 
 divorce. 
 
 (Enter SWEET JASMINE.) 
 
 MADAME. Gracious me ! here comes that girl ! Let us be off 
 to the priest. She shall never come to my wedding. 
 ESTELLE. I distrust her ! 
 LOVILLA. I despise her ! 
 
 (Exeunt MADAME, dragging SCRIPTUM and followed by LOVILLA 
 and ESTELLE.) 
 
 JASMINE. Boo-hoo ! boo-hoo! (Weeps.) I am going back 
 to France. Despised and shunned and left alone without a 
 fault that is my own. Sweet, innocent and undefiled; yet he 
 is not by all my charms beguiled. 
 
 (Enter SYNDIC, unseen by JASMINE.) 
 
 SYNDIC. (Aside.) At last the luck that dwells in love s own 
 eyes has led me to her. 
 
28 
 
 JASMINE. How I could love the Syndic were he mine; but 
 as it is, I still must pine and pine. 
 
 SYNDIC. No, don t pine, for I am your sheltering oak, my 
 honey-suckle. (JASMINE discovers him and is frightened.) 
 Since first I threw that kiss at you in May, love made my dark 
 est hours as bright as day; and since you have yourself con 
 fessed your love for me, I ll make it doubly blessed. (Embraces 
 and kisses her.) How came you here? 
 
 JASMINE. The Count was weary of his unwilling burden 
 and sat down to rest, while I, being fresh and eager, simply 
 ran my best. 
 
 SYNDIC. Sweet athlete, we ll improve this happy chance of 
 meeting thus so many leagues from France. (Kisses her.) 
 
 JASMINE. And in this far-away, forsaken colony, do you 
 love me? 
 
 SYNDIC. Love you? As flowers love the sunlight, and as 
 song birds love the summer. The feathered couples in their 
 leafy coves are not more tender than our mutual loves. 
 
 WOOING SONG. 
 DUET. 
 
 SYNDIC AND SWEET JASMINE. 
 SYNDIC. (With arm around her waist.) 
 
 To his mate the wild bird cooing, 
 With his song at eventide, 
 
 Is not sweeter than the wooing 
 Of a fair and loving bride. 
 
 JASMINE. (Looks into his eyes.) 
 
 In your eyes my image gleaming, 
 Shadowed there by nature s art, 
 
 Is the glory of my dreaming, 
 Wear it, then, within your heart. 
 
 (Rests her head on his shoulder.) 
 
29 
 
 BOTH. Sweetly thus we ll live forever, 
 
 Each the other s treasure trove; 
 For all sorrow that would sever, 
 Finds its recompense in love. 
 
 (They kiss.} 
 
 Vows of love tell o er and o er, 
 Sweetly thus (kiss) forevermore. 
 
 (Enter FATHER D. and zvith great surprise sees JASMINE in 
 SYNDIC S arms.) 
 
 FATHER D. (Chants.) 
 
 Gloria virum in matrimonia est 
 
 Man in love with woman is most blest. 
 
 SYNDIC. Our sentiment exactly! And you have the genius 
 to be on hand when wanted. The edict concerning this young 
 lady s marriage will take effect immediately and be kept a 
 profound secret of state. In the absence of all other officers I 
 have the honor (bows to JASMINE, she bows. Then he takes 
 her hand and leads her to the priest and they start to kneel.) 
 
 FATHER D. But it might interfere! 
 
 SYNDIC. With what? (They rise.) 
 
 FATHER D. A very uncomfortable thing has happened. 
 
 TRIO. 
 
 FATHER D., SYNDIC AND JASMINE. 
 
 FATHER D. The Mother of Charity 
 
 With heinous hilarity, 
 And Scriptum Majoris 
 Have both come before us, 
 
 While others were gone 
 
 To be made into one. 
 In addition to which 
 The benevolent witch 
 Proclaims this a reason 
 For an act that is treason ! 
 
 SYNDIC. 1 M 
 
 T f Proclaims this a reason 
 
 f For an act that is treason ! ! ! 
 FATHER D. ) 
 
30 
 
 SYDIC. With all your domestic expedients, . 
 
 The church should not find 
 That it is well to bind 
 Into one diametric ingredients ; 
 But pick out real love 
 To make weddings of ! 
 
 ALL. Yes, pick out real love 
 
 To make weddings of ! 
 
 SYNDIC. Now, as I m the Governor-General great, 
 
 Hide away this young girl as a secret of state ! 
 Although first perform what indeed will elate us. 
 And make her the Governor-General great-ess ! 
 
 JASMINE. Yes, make me the Governor-General great-ess. 
 
 FATHER D. Bless you, by special dispensation, 
 
 You re now in man and wife s relation. 
 
 ALL. (Chant.) 
 
 Gloria virum in matrimonia est 
 Man in love with woman is most blest. 
 
 (Trumpet without.) 
 
 SYNDIC. Hark ; that welcome .sound tells that Count Vinum 
 has been found. (Kisses JASMINE then FATHER DRIEUILLET 
 leads her JiastiJy away.) Good night, my sweet secret of state! 
 (Throws kiss at her and she at him.) And, Father, keep her 
 from the world inviolate! 
 
 FATHER D. I will, (bows.) 
 
 SYNDIC. And you shall be priest at a function so rare as this 
 royal wedding of ours in Paris. 
 
 (Exeunt FATHER and JASMINE.) 
 
 (Enter front opposite direction hastily and greatly excited SIR 
 ROYAL. MAJOR and GENERAL guarding COUNT VINUM.) 
 
 GEN., MAJOR AND SIR R. Here he is. 
 
 GENERAL. Yes, here is the traitor! He should be court- 
 martialed ! 
 
MAJOR. The thief! We should make stove-wood of him. 
 SIR ROYAL. An official criminal, no punishment can be too 
 severe. 
 
 SYNDIC. Yes, I see you have the traitor, thief and official 
 criminal all in one, hut the young lady! (To Count.) Where 
 is she? 
 
 GEN., MAJOR AND SIR R. (Demand vehemently of Count.} 
 Where is she? 
 
 SIR ROYAL. Where is my daughter ? 
 MAJOR.. And my betrothed? 
 GENERAL. She who is to be my bride? 
 MAJOR. (To General.} What? 
 
 GENERAL. (Salutes.} We ll decide that later. (To Count.} 
 What have you done with her? 
 
 COUNT. Par bleu! Ay do nozing. Ze sweet singer bird 
 escape from ME! 
 
 SYNDIC. Until you find her, you stand charged with em 
 bezzlement. 
 
 COUNT. Embezzlement, Your Excellency? 
 SYNDIC. Yes, My Excellency charges you with embezzle 
 ment of the dearest treasure in the colony. 
 
 GEN., MAJOR, SIR ROY. She is the dearest treasure ! 
 COUNT. Eez eet, zen, ze crime in zees wilderness to make 
 lofe? 
 
 SYNDIC. Indeed, a capital crime, the way you make it! So 
 much depends on the manner, you know. Your tenor voice 
 will now have a most beautiful accompaniment in the echoes 
 of the Bastile! 
 
 COUNT. (Throws up hands in despair and falls into arms 
 of MAJOR and GENERAL.) Ah me! 
 
 SYNDIC. Or there is another wonderful musical instrument 
 to help you out, as it were, of a world of difficulties. Your 
 vocal chords may come into direct harmony at right angles 
 with the guillotine ! 
 
 COUNT. Eheu ! Your Excellency, zees is perille magnifique ! 
 (Soliloquises.} Vy ay deed not resign before zees be done? 
 (To SYNDIC.) I make ze resignation now, at zees present 
 time, and hees effect shall be commence before ze beautiful, girl 
 go away with me. 
 ALL. Oh, ho ! 
 
32 
 
 SYNDIC. Not a bad idea; but tlie eternal fitness of things 
 would fit better if you had resigned before committing the 
 crime. As it is, you must be resigned to your fate; for My 
 Excellency commits you to come before His Majesty, the King 
 of France himself! 
 
 COUNT. (Joyously.) Vive la Louis Kootair ! Vive la Louis 
 ie Grand. 
 
 (Enter MADAME, leading SCRIPTUM, followed by LOVILLA and 
 
 ESTELLE. ) 
 
 ALL. Vive la Louis le Grand ! 
 
 MADAME. Pray, what is this? 
 
 SYNDIC. My Excellency is about to return to France to at 
 tend a royal wedding and 
 
 MADAME. Whose wedding? 
 
 SYNDIC. That s a state secret. Their honors, Sir Royal, 
 (SiR R. bows,) General Au Revoir, (GENERAL bows,) and Ma 
 jor Aplomb, (who bows,) will accompany me as witnesses 
 against this criminal ( COUNT shrinks) who is to be tried there. 
 
 MADAME. And may we go? 
 
 SYNDIC. To be* tried? Yes. 
 
 MADAME. Oh, no ! 
 
 SYNDIC. Oh, yes ! 
 
 MADAME. For what? 
 
 SYNDIC. Treason ! 
 
 MADAME. Which was never committed. 
 
 SYNDIC. His Majesty may differ from you. 
 
 MADAME. (Throws up hands.) The saints preserve me! 
 
 LOVILLA, ESTELLE. And we? 
 
 (Enter Chorus.) 
 
 SYNDIC. My dear adoptions, you may go because you have 
 done nothing wrong. The others because they have. 
 
 MADAME. Well, I shall enjoy the voyage. I am quite re 
 signed. 
 
 COUNT. And, Madame, I would like very much to be re 
 signed. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. But my daughter? 
 
 SYNDIC. (Nervously.) Well, yes. 
 
 LOVILLA. When we saw her last she said she would return 
 to France. 
 
33 
 
 SYNDIC. Thanks, my good cousin. Your solution of state 
 questions is superb. No doubt we ll find her there. Our good 
 ship sails today. 
 
 ALL. For beautiful France. For France today! 
 
 ALL. Ahoy! O er the merry wild sea, 
 
 We ll cheerily sail for Paree ! 
 
 Our hearts are light 
 
 And faces bright, 
 
 With joy profound, 
 
 For we re homeward bound! 
 Politeness and exquisite dresses, 
 Good dinners and social caresses, 
 
 With other festivities 
 
 To meet our proclivities 
 Will drive away all our distresses. 
 
 SYNDIC. (With gestures describing the action of the guillo 
 tine looking at COUNT and MADAME.) 
 
 And one of the greatest French beauties 
 Is a part of official state duties ; 
 For in France there s a vocal machine, 
 With a wonderful click, clack, clang. 
 Whose notes are staccato and keen, 
 And its program goes off with a bang! 
 
 ALL. (Taunting COUNT and MADAME.) 
 
 Its notes are staccato and keen 
 And its program goes off with a bang! 
 
 COUNT. (Heroically.) 
 
 If love means death, 
 
 By the law s demand, 
 I ll draw my last breath 
 
 In my native land. 
 
 MADAME. (Spitefully.) 
 
 And though I be tried for benevolent treason, 
 I much prefer Paris at such a gay season. 
 
34 
 
 SCRIPTUM. (Scorning MADAME.) 
 
 And my only chance 
 To shake off this thing, 
 
 Is a favorable glance 
 From Louis the King. 
 
 SIR ROYAL. 
 
 For every fond father, 
 
 Who loves his own daughter, 
 
 It is not much bother 
 To go cross the water. 
 
 MAJOR. With all antecedents so fair, 
 I don t mind the ride 
 And to wed such a bride, 
 I naturally ought to be there ! 
 
 GENERAL. (Boldly.) 
 
 A soldier brave 
 
 Will ride every wave, 
 
 Though breezes be fair or be foul ; 
 For what I most crave 
 Is my sweetheart to save, 
 
 Or make the French capital howl ! 
 
 ALL. (Gleefully.} 
 
 So ho ! o er the merry wild sea, 
 We ll cheerily sail for Paree. 
 
 Our hearts are light 
 
 And faces bright, 
 With joy profound. 
 For we re homeward bound. 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
35 
 ACT III. 
 
 SCENE. Throne room of Louis XIV. Paris. 
 
 DISCOVERED. All except FATHER D. and Louis. During the 
 following chorus each turns entirely around with gestures 
 appropriate to the lines. GENERAL, MAJOR, SYNDIC and SIR 
 ROYAL pay constant attention to JASMINE. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 ALL. If you want to know what to wear, 
 
 When received by a king or a queen, 
 Just copy our dresses and hair, 
 And you will be fit to be seen ! 
 
 LADIES. All ladies eyelashes should droop 
 
 MEN. But not men s moustaches, you know, 
 
 LADIES. With lips pouted like Cupid s loop, 
 
 MEN. And cosmetique goatee just so! 
 
 ALL. All faces as bright as a sheen, 
 
 All finger tips polished and clean ; 
 For both sheep and goat 
 Are judged by their coal, 
 And contents of head or of heart 
 Are matters of little import- 
 Regarded as things quite apart 
 When we re in good society s court ! 
 
 (They keep on primping until Louis entrance, when they be 
 come stiff and formal.} 
 
 SYNDIC. Hist ! Here comes the king ! 
 ALL. Here comes the King ! Hist ! ! Hist ! ! ! 
 SYNDIC. Smile your sweetest, look your best, and let the 
 courtiers do the rest. 
 
 (Enter Louis, attended by guards, and takes- seat on throne.} 
 Louis. To what are we indebted for this colonial visit? 
 
 SYNDIC. (With great deference.) Your Majesty, the truth 
 is quickly spoken. By this Count Vinum all official vows were 
 broken. 
 
36 
 
 Louis. And tiie specific charge? 
 
 SYNDIC. Is embezzlement. 
 
 Louis. Embezzlement ! 
 
 SYNDIC. The same. 
 
 Louis. What did he embezzle? 
 
 SYNDIC. The prettiest gem in all the colony. 
 
 ALL THE MEN. Aye, she is the prettiest gem ! 
 
 SYNDIC. This young lady. 
 
 MAJOR. He stole my betrothed. ! 
 
 GENERAL. She who should be my own bride ! 
 
 SIR ROYAL. He carried away my daughter ! 
 
 Louis. Ho ! that is not embezzlement, but kidnapping ! 
 
 SYNDIC. But there are no laws in the colony against kid 
 napping, so we were obliged to make the charge as embez 
 zlement. 
 
 Louis. Ha ! my dear Syndic, some more of your cleverness 
 so like our other self. 
 
 COUNT. Your Majesty, ay zink Hees Excellency lofe ze di 
 vine angel by heemself. 
 
 ALL. Hist ! Hist ! ! Scandal ! Scandal ! ! 
 
 Louis. Indeed, (looks at JASMINE,) I don t blame him. 
 Such grace and beauty all in one should have a place upon a 
 throne ! I love her, too ! 
 
 JASMINE. (Instantly drops on her knees.) But, oh! Your 
 Majesty, there is an insurmountable barrier. I am I am 
 
 Louis. Arise! Be not alarmed. The King of France loves 
 all his subjects. 
 
 ALL. Vive la Louis le Roi ! Vive la Louis Quatre ! 
 
 Louis. Ha, ha, ha! There may be richness here. (Sings.) 
 
 Indeed, he s a sorry old King 
 
 Who has not under his cloak 
 Some kind of a heart that will ring 
 
 With a good colonial joke. 
 
 So, my good Syndic, you are so much to our liking (SYNDIC 
 makes deep obeisance) that you may occupy the throne of 
 France while we are Governor of Quebec to plead this poor 
 culprit s cause with you. (Looks at COUNT.) 
 
 SYNDIC. (Curtly.) Mpty it please your Majesty. 
 
37 
 
 (Louis then takes off crown and puts it on SYNDIC, who sits 
 on throne. Louis looks at him admiringly.) 
 
 Louis. Your imitation of us is so coy that they ll soon say 
 Vive le Roi ! 
 
 ALL. (Confused, first to Louis then to throne.) Vive le 
 Roi! 
 
 SYNDIC. The case is now before (refers to Louis, then to 
 himself) Our Majesty. 
 
 Louis. Our Majesty (refers to himself, then to SYNDIC) 
 well knows that for embezzlement, or for kidnapping, there is 
 a special cell in the Bastile. 
 
 SYNDIC. Our Majesty is aware of that. 
 
 COUNT. Oh, my double sire! (Falls on his knees, first to 
 Louis, then to SYNDIC.) 
 
 Louis. But Our Majesty hopes for some mitigating circum 
 stances. (Beckons COUNT to rise.) What have you to say for 
 yourself? 
 
 COUNT. Oh, my sire! (Arises.) 
 
 Louis. Address the Crown also. 
 
 COUNT. And, oh, my sire! Zees is ze predicament! You 
 see, she sing ze lofely soprano, and ay sing ze tenore! 
 
 Louis. Oh, you sing tenor, do you ? Well, that is somewhat 
 of a plea it may be quite efficient. 
 
 SYNDIC. Our Majesty is informed that he sings a very good 
 tenor. 
 
 Louis. Good! Our Majesty knows of a fine opportunity 
 for practicing solfeggios in that quiet cell. (Frantic business 
 for Count.) I think of a parallel case. 
 
 THE TENOR S CRIME. 
 SOLO. Louis XIV- 
 
 You all know the Akoond of Swat, 
 
 Whose Chamberlain s morals were not 
 Up to par, 
 
 But his voice 
 Was by far 
 
 The most choice, 
 And once heard was never forgot ! 
 
38 
 
 This tenor, while tuning pianos, 
 Fell in love with a thousand sopranos, 
 Which in Swat, 
 At that time. 
 Was red-hot, 
 
 Naughty crime, 
 Paid by eating a million bananas! 
 
 But failing, the culprit must sing 
 A million ballads of spring; 
 Yet if sing 
 
 Musa t eat 
 Anything 
 
 Through this feat 
 "Sing or eat, but not both," said the King. 
 
 The Chamberlain unwisely chose 
 To take up the Thespian s woes ; 
 So he sang 
 
 His sweet lays 
 Till Swat rang 
 Many days 
 Post-mortem showed de-me-sol-do s ! 
 
 Louis. Now, sir, Our Majesty has the consolation that the 
 government of France is a slight improvement upon that of 
 Swat. 
 
 SYNDIC. Quite an acceptable improvement. 
 
 Louis. Yes, under our system of Jurisprudence it is possible 
 for the Count to avoid the Bastile. 
 
 COUNT. Mon Dieu ! (Falls upon his knees.) Be merciful. 
 
 Louis. You may also escape the guillotine. 
 
 COUNT. Oh, my sire ! I crave pardonne ! 
 
 Louis. Stand up ! If you sing only one song and sing it 
 well, your offense shall be pardoned; if badly sung, we shall 
 surely protect the public against your morals and your voice. 
 Proceed, sir, to sing for your life. 
 
 COUNT. Remerciement, my sire ! (Bows humbly.) Ay veel 
 zing ofe ze sublime passione in ze lofely hexameter. 
 
39 
 THE TENOR S LOVE. 
 
 SOLO. COUNT VINUM DU GRAPE. 
 
 Oh, gentle nature may add fragrance to the rose, 
 But not more beauty to the lips of her I love ! 
 
 And all its laughing ripple, as the streamlet flows, 
 
 Blends in enchantment with the voice of my sweet dove. 
 
 The light of sun and moon and stars is less benign, 
 In the refulgent softness of the summer s glow, 
 
 Than are the love-lights that beneath her lashes shine 
 Through dainty clouds of blushes, as they come and go. 
 
 And oh ! the spring of love that wells up in her heart ! 
 
 Whose whispered nothings to me in her fond embrace, 
 Are bliss nor poet s pen nor music s lyre impart 
 
 And would make even the grave the sweetest resting place. 
 
 Louis. Good! Instead of the Bastile, you are sentenced 
 to be put into the royal choir. Go to your rehearsal. 
 
 COUNT. Lord bless Your Majesty! (Exit.) 
 
 Louis. Our Majesty is now of the opinion that the maiden 
 hood of this transplanted flower of the wilderness has caused 
 considerable commotion in the colony. 
 
 SYNDIC. Our Majesty concurs that she has created a com 
 motion. 
 
 Louis. Then we proclaim an edict that her maidenhood 
 come to an end that she be married instant er! 
 
 SYNDIC. Our Excellency of Quebec has already issued such 
 an edict. 
 
 Louis. Our Majesty will then proceed to enforce Our Ex 
 cellency s edict. Is a candidate for husband ready? 
 
 MAJOR. Yes, I m ready ! 
 
 GENERAL. And I. 
 
 SCRIPTUM. And I ! 
 
 MADAME. And you ! (Shakes him.) You are already en 
 gaged to me! What more do you want? 
 
 SCRIPTUM. No more. I don t want so much. You are en 
 tirely too much. 
 
4 o 
 
 Louis. Our Majesty desires the presence of a priest. The 
 lady herself shall choose her consort. 
 
 (Guard salutes Louis and SYNDIC and exit.) 
 
 MAJOR. But his Majestic Excellency has already promised 
 her to me. 
 
 SYNDIC. My Excellency has always been a youth of great 
 promise, but when did I agree to give her to you when? 
 
 MAJOR. On your arrival at Quebec. Your words have been 
 held sacred in my memory for many weeks. You said my 
 greatness should be rewarded with the richest and most beau 
 tiful heiress in the colony. 
 
 Louis. How now? 
 
 SYNDIC. That promise need not necessarily mean her. An 
 other edict made all the ladies beautiful and rich, but did not 
 apply to married women. However, I am quite content to let 
 them all propose. 
 
 Louis. That s right. Let every man who wants a bride 
 now ask this lady and she will decide. 
 
 FINALE. 
 SIR ROYAL. 
 
 My birdie, in choosing a mate for your nest, 
 
 First pick out the richest, most famous and best 
 
 Then give tender feelings a chance at the rest. 
 
 MAJOR. 
 
 For such a sweet heroine, in her gay jaunts, 
 
 I am quite convinced I m the husband she wants. 
 
 (Advances and offers to take her hand. She declines. Exit 
 MAJOR.) 
 
 GENERAL. 
 
 She rightly refuses a lover too old, 
 
 For she s waiting to marry a soldier bold. 
 
 (Advances and steps beside JASMINE. She bows herself away. 
 Exit GENERAL. 
 
41 
 
 SCRIPTUM. 
 
 No doubt, she prefers a good diplomat s life, 
 And I will take pleasure in calling her "wife." 
 
 (Bows and advances. JASMINE looks at him with scorn and 
 turns away.) 
 
 MADAME. (Goes after SCRIPTUM rapidly and pulls him back.) 
 
 No, fickle man, you now are mine, 
 And further hopes you must decline. 
 
 (To JASMINE.) 
 
 O proud ! O haughty being ! 
 
 Revise your way of seeing, 
 
 And all your sex will bless the day 
 
 When you are wed and out of the way. 
 
 LOVILLA AND ESTELLE. 
 
 Yes, all your sex will bless the day 
 When you are wed and out of the way. 
 
 JASMINE. 
 
 Strange woman, you should not revile me 
 No gilded offer can beguile me. 
 For, condescending and unfeigning, 
 I m wedded to the king that s reigning! 
 
 (Goes up and stands beside SYNDIC. SYNDIC rises.) 
 SYNDIC AND JASMINE. 
 
 Yes, wedded to the King that s reigning! 
 
 Louis. O, revelation upon revelation! 
 What a colonial flirtation ! 
 
 ALL. (Pointing to JASMINE.) 
 
 So condescending and unfeigning, 
 To wed the king that now is reigning ! 
 
 (Enter Guard and FATHER D ) 
 
42 
 
 MADAME. 
 
 My charity shan t be outdone 
 
 By such a vainglorious one. 
 
 If she is so meek and unfeigning, 
 To marry a monarch that s reigning, 
 
 I ll tie up without further spatting, 
 
 To a diplomat that s diplomatting ! 
 
 (Grabs SCRIPTUM tightly by the arm.) 
 FATHER D. 
 
 O Sire of state ! 
 
 I must relate 
 That, sure as I ring the church chimes, 
 
 To all of my best recollection, 
 This woman s been married ten times, 
 
 And killed every spouse with affection ! 
 
 ALL. To all of his best recollection, 
 
 She killed every spouse with affection ! 
 
 Louis. Yet, Reverend Father, there s no clause, 
 In all our matrimonial laws, 
 That calls for a replevin. 
 
 If her record s such, 
 
 It won t hurt her much 
 To take husband number eleven! 
 
 SYNDIC. Now, that we re happy as happy can be, 
 
 It s becoming in us that we should agree 
 To let her benevolent treason go free. 
 
 SCRIPTUM. 
 
 And since that is true, 
 
 It s the best I can do, 
 
 As a diplomat self-sacrificing, 
 
 To conseAt to connubial splicing. 
 
 \ (Enter MAJOR and GENERAL.) 
 
 LOVILLA AND ESTELLE. 
 
 Two fresh little blossoms are we. 
 
 As sweet as the flowers of May. 
 It s funny that men do not see 
 
 Our beauties and pluck us away. 
 
43 
 
 (GENERAL and MAJOR, each with hand on heart pleading, 
 
 MAJOR to ESTELLE, GENERAL to LOVILLA.) 
 
 A masculine desert is here, 
 
 Devoid of all feminine cheer; 
 
 O, come to my arms, precious dear, 
 
 And pose as my sweet boutonniere. 
 
 ( LOVILLA throws herself into GENERAL S arms, ESTELLE into 
 (MAJOR S) 
 
 GENERAL. ^| The prettiest hymeneal bubble 
 MAJOR. [ Is one which gives the least trouble, 
 LOVILLA. ( And fragrance of attar of roses 
 ESTELLE. J Ain t like such a chance to rub noses. 
 
 (Caress,) 
 Louis. Kind subjects, stop this thing, 
 
 Or you will drive us wild ! 
 
 Lovemaking must be mild, 
 
 Or we ll dance the highland fling. 
 
 (Dances.) 
 ALL. Vive la Louis, the King- 
 
 Who dances the highland fling! 
 
 (Enter COUNT.) 
 
 (Louis takes back crown and seat on throne, finally joining 
 in dance.) 
 
 (SYNDIC and JASMINE come down.) 
 Louis. Bring out the best wine 
 And wedding bells ring; 
 For all shall now dine 
 With Louis the King ! 
 ALL Vive la Louis the King 
 
 He knows how to do the right thing! 
 Let wedding bells jingle, 
 And merry feet tingle 
 To trip in the highland fling ! 
 We ll drink the King s wine, 
 With the King we will dine, 
 And all dance the highland fling! 
 
 (They dance.) 
 CURTAIN. 
 
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