\
 
 WOMANHOOD 
 
 AND 
 
 MARRIAGE 
 
 BY 
 
 BERNARR MACFADDEN 
 
 \\ 
 
 AUTHOR OF "MACFADDEN'S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PHYSICAL CUL- 
 TURE," "MANHOOD AND MARRIAGE," "VITALITY SUPREME/' 
 
 MAKING OLD BODIES YOUNG/' "How TO DEVELOP MUSCU- 
 LAR POWER AND BEAUTY," AXD OTHER WORKS ON HEALTH 
 AND SEX 
 
 NEW YORK CITY 
 
 PHYSICAL CULTURE CORPORATION 
 119 WEST FORTIETH STREET
 
 COPYRIGHT 1918 BY 
 
 PHYSICAL CULTURE PUBLISHING COMPANY 
 NEW YORK CITY
 
 TO THE MEMORY OF MY MOTHER 
 WHOSE TENDER AFFECTIONS 
 WERE ALLOWED TO GUIDE ONLY 
 MY CHILDISH FOOTSTEPS AND 
 WHO PASSED AWAY PREMA- 
 TURELY BY AT LEAST FIFTY 
 YEARS IN THE DARK 
 SHADOWS OF IGNOR- 
 ANCE AND PRUDERY, 
 THIS BOOK IS REFER- 
 ENT LY DEDICATED.
 
 "O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto ihee 
 even as thou wilt" 
 
 Matt. 15:28. 
 
 TO THE FUTURE MOTHERS OF THE 
 RACE 
 
 TO THOSE WHO ARE STRUGGLING 
 IN THE THROES OF PHYSICAL 
 DARKNESS AND TO THOSE WHOSE 
 FEET ARE FALTERING ON THE 
 ABYSS OF PAIN, SORROW, DE- 
 CREPITUDE, THROUGH MIS- 
 TAKES DUE TO INNOCENCE, 
 (IGNORANCE), THIS BOOK, 
 WITH ITS BRILLIANT RAYS 
 OF LIGHT ON THE PATH- 
 WAY OF PHYSIOLOGICAL 
 LIFE, IS ALSO REFER- 
 ENTLY DEDICATED.
 
 PREFACE 
 
 glory of woman is her strength. 
 Strength means beauty; it means fitness . 
 for motherhood. 
 
 No vital, enduring people can be mothered by 
 weak women. 
 
 The Nation cries out for vigorous motherhood. 
 
 The voice of war has awakened us. 
 
 Every atom of power is needed, and the 
 strength and vitality of men and women is power 
 beyond computation. 
 
 This is an age in which force counts as never 
 before, and a weak woman is in the way. She is 
 human wastage. 
 
 The author of this course believes that every 
 woman can be a strong, splendid specimen of her 
 kind. That the frailty, sickness and suffering so 
 long associated with the feminine state can be 
 avoided. That the weak can be made strong. 
 That health of a high degree awaits very woman 
 who is willing to strive for this glorious reward. 
 
 It is the duty of every woman to struggle for 
 life in its truest sense. She should exult in the 
 force that comes with a splendid physique. 
 
 The records of our health boards, hospitals, 
 sanitariums, insane asylums reveal facts that are 
 appalling. The physicians in charge of these 
 great institutions admit, practically with one
 
 PREFACE 
 
 voice, that all the soul-torturing misery endured 
 by the inmates might have been avoided. 
 
 This course has been prepared to point the way 
 to health of a high degree. To those who need 
 the information contained herein, its value can- 
 not be estimated. To those who are merely cu- 
 rious, it is worth nothing. Prudery has shrouded 
 the truths of sex in a vulgar mystery. It has 
 even made a jest of the sacred mysteries of 
 motherhood. It is pruriency of this sort that 
 this book attempts to eliminate. 
 
 The truth is mighty. Armed with the facts 
 contained within these pages, a woman can pro- 
 tect herself against many of life's greatest dan- 
 gers. Guiding her steps by the light of knowl- 
 edge she can avoid the evils which have blasted 
 the lives of so many of her sisters. 
 
 We know that our efforts may be misunder- 
 stood. The truths that we present may be mis- 
 construed. As Senator Chamberlain, referring 
 to the prudery that has tainted this generation, 
 says, "it is practically impossible to get publicity 
 for the truth, because of the squeamish attitude 
 of the people, who imagine that the subject 
 ought to be ignored." Though the Senator re- 
 ferred specifically to the appalling records of 
 venereal disease among the men accepted for 
 the Army, his statement might have been made 
 with equal truth of every phase of the subject 
 of sex. 
 
 We fully realize the condition. We know that 
 some persons can even distort that great book,
 
 PREFACE 
 
 the Bible, and make its meaning salacious and 
 erotic. But we believe there are enough people 
 who desire to know the truth about sex to justify 
 the presentation of this course. Those who are 
 looking for the salacious will be keenly disap- 
 pointed in it. 
 
 There is no veneer on the important facts pre- 
 sented herein. The subject demands plain talk. 
 And yet, the reader wifl find the work so care- 
 fully written that it will give no cause for offense 
 to the most fastidious. 
 
 In the preparation of this course, various ex- 
 perts, medical and other, have assisted. To those 
 who have rendered this valuable aid, the author 
 desires to extend his sincere thanks. 
 
 May the thoughts contained herein carry a 
 message to all suffering women. May they guide 
 the footsteps of the immature into the fullness 
 of womanhood. May the weak find in these 
 pages the knowledge that will lead them to 
 strength and health, and may those who al- 
 ready enjoy superlative vigor find information 
 that will enable them to retain this priceless pos- 
 session to life's last days. Such is the hope of 
 the author. 
 
 xi
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER PAGE 
 
 PREFACE ix 
 
 I IDEAL WOMANHOOD 1 
 
 II THE MEANING OP SEX 5 
 
 V III THE MENTAL AND SPIRITUAL SIGNIFICATION 
 
 OF SEX 10 
 
 IV AM I A COMPLETE WOMAN? 15 
 
 V THE OLD MAID .19 
 
 ^VI CHOOSING A HUSBAND 24 
 
 VII JUDGING A MAN'S FITNESS 30 
 
 VIII MARRIAGE AND THE DRINK QUESTION ... 39 
 
 IX PERSONAL HABITS IN RELATION TO MARRIAGE . 44 
 
 X WHY THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE 1 ? .... 47 
 
 XI MARRIAGE AND ITS ALTERNATIVES .... 51 
 
 ^11 WHEN TO MARRY 57 
 
 XIII SHOULD A GIRL MARRY FROM A SENSE OF 
 
 DUTY? 64 
 
 XIV LOVE MAKING AND ITS DANGERS .... 69 
 XV THE GIRL WHO HAS MADE A MISTAKE . . 74 
 
 XVI TRUE LOVE AND ITS EXPRESSION .... 80 
 
 *-XVII DANCING AND DRESS 89 
 
 \ XVIII THE ESSENTIALS OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE . . 101 
 
 XIX WEDDING PREPARATIONS ' . 106 
 
 XX THE PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP OF MARRIAGE . 109 
 
 XXI THE BASIS OF MARITAL HAPPINESS . . . 113 
 
 XXII REGULATING THE RELATION OF HUSBAND AND 
 
 WIFE 119 
 
 XXIII MAKING LOVE LIFELONG . 129 
 
 XXIV MISTAKES AND EXCESSES THAT DESTROY LOVE 134 
 XXV THE CRIME OF ABORTION 138 
 
 xiii
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTEB PAGE 
 
 XXVI THE PROS AND CONS OP BIBTH CONTROL . . 146 
 
 XXVII HEREDITY AND PRENATAL INFLUENCE . . . 152 
 
 XXVIII THE REQUIREMENTS OF PREGNANCY . . . 160 
 
 XXIX WHY CHILDREN ARE NECESSARY TO HAPPINESS 168 
 
 XXX THE QUESTION OF MONEY 171 
 
 XXXI THE SNARE OF THE BOARDING HOUSE . . . 178 
 
 XXXII THE QUESTION OF FRIENDS 181 
 
 XXXIII THE IN-LAWS '. . . . .189 
 
 XXXTV QUARRELING AND MAKING UP 193 
 
 XXXV JEALOUSY THE GREEN-EYED GUARDIAN OF 
 
 HONOR 202 
 
 XXXVI WHEN "THE OTHER WOMAN" APPEARS . . 207 
 
 XXXVII THE ERRING HUSBAND 212 
 
 XXXVIII WHEN LOVE SEEMS DEAD 219 
 
 XXXIX THE DIVORCE PROBLEM 223 
 
 XL THE UNSATISFACTORY HUSBAND .... 230 
 
 XLI THE FRIGID WIFE 242 
 
 XLII MASTURBATION 246 
 
 XLIII STERILITY 266 
 
 XLIV MENSTRUAL DISORDERS 273 
 
 XLV SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN 284 
 
 XL VI DISPLACEMENTS AND THEIR CORRECTION . . 302 
 
 XLVII TUMORS 323 
 
 XLVIII WOMANLY PERIODICITY 332 
 
 XLIX DETERMINING SEX 348 
 
 L THE MENOPAUSE, OR THE CHANGE OF LIFE . 354 
 
 LI How TO BUILD VIGOROUS WOMANHOOD . . 361 
 
 LII IMPROVING AND BEAUTIFYING THE BUST . . 370 
 
 LIII EXERCISE FOR WOMANLY STRENGTH . . . 381 
 
 xiv
 
 Womanhood and Marriage 
 
 T 
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 Ideal Womanhood 
 
 HE perfect woman has never been re- 
 vealed. For this reason, perfection in 
 womanhood must ever remain a theme of absorb- 
 ing interest. 
 
 Perfection does not necessarily mean complete- 
 ness. With the continued development of the 
 human spirit, there must come increasing power 
 to perceive beauties of mind and heart, and these 
 will be expressed through a body of greater 
 beauty. Perfection, then, should be looked upon 
 as being rather a matter of proportion. The 
 woman who is well developed on all sides of her 
 nature physically, mentally and spiritually 
 may be looked upon as having attained to a de- 
 gree of perfection. From this point she may ad- 
 vance to greater realization of that ultimate 
 beauty which all women were intended to em- 
 body. 
 
 To form for ourselves, however, an idea of 
 womanhood we must have some understanding 
 of the place which woman is intended to fill in 
 the universe. The meaning of womanhood, the 
 wonderful capacities that lie hidden within it, 
 form an inspiring subject of study for every 
 woman, young or old. 
 
 i
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 Woman holds a distinct place in the uni versa' 
 life. She is not meant to be merely an ^chb of 
 man. She is meant to be herself, a distinctive 
 being, with her own place to fill and her own 
 work to accomplish. Neither is she ne< warily 
 what man has pictured her as being. Mr 1 ? poets, 
 painters, sculptors, novelists, all have endeavored 
 to portray the ideal woman as she appired to 
 them, or as it seemed to them she should be. \ 
 it would hardly be safe for her to model h- 
 upon these portrayals ; she must discover fc~ 
 self the ideal she was intended to realize. 
 
 We have heard many discussions in the p. 
 to whether woman is inferior or superio v 
 Discussions on this theme are futile. ^bf-'!J 
 can never be compared, because they re . 
 lutely distinct. The only question hav 
 right to ask is whether the destiny of ^ach 
 been successfully fulfilled. 
 
 The study of self is indeed a fascinating one. 
 The endeavor to discover just what she was sent 
 into this world for, what are the characteristics 
 that belong most distinctively to her, and just 
 what attributes she is best fitted to express in the 
 highest degree, must be of interest to every 
 thoughful woman. 
 
 When we look about us for the form of self 
 expression which belongs distinctively to woma?i, 
 we find that it is motherhood which belongs to 
 her alone. She is the mother of the race, and in 
 this function we shall find embodied her supreme 
 power. 
 
 2
 
 IDEAL WOMANHOOD 
 
 *This does not mean that every woman was 
 necessarily intended to be a physical mother. It 
 does mean, however, that through a study of 
 mothr hood we can come to an understanding of 
 womar?2 distinctive capacities and powers. 
 
 The n -other nourishes the life of her offspring. 
 Woman, therefore, is the nourisher of the race. 
 * * moans that she not alone provides the health 
 ^he strength of those dependent upon her in 
 .jsical sense, but that she is also a source of 
 ation to them mentally. She gives encour- 
 * lent to those struggling to express the 
 that are born within them; many times 
 ^cr presence she inspires to greater mental 
 ,y. The great personalities of the past have 
 me w^ess to the inspiration they have de- 
 
 1 fr^m the women with whom they have 
 
 . d i * 
 
 r>me in jontact. 
 
 ,U^is not only her own children whose better 
 \ .Dulses are nourished by the sunshine of her 
 smile ; all who come near her feel the heartening 
 effect of her personality, and are better because 
 they have come within the sphere of her influ- 
 ence. 
 
 This is the ideal of womanhood which springs 
 from a study of her individual place in the plan 
 
 J life. But fully to realize this wonderful ideal, 
 tne woman must first of all find herself. She 
 must take time to think about herself and what 
 s!ie was intended to be. She must find out her 
 shortcomings and set herself resolutely to work 
 to master her weaknesses. She cannot afford to 
 
 2 N.20
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 be weak, because she must be the source of 
 strength for others. 
 
 She must do more, however, than find herself. 
 She must learn to glory in her womanly nature, 
 and through this to make the most of what has 
 lain deeply hidden within her. It is only by 
 making the most of herself that she can give the 
 most to the world, and this must ever be her aim. 
 
 In these times of deep trouble woman is being 
 revealed to herself. Now, as never before, the 
 obligation rests upon her to arouse herself, and 
 in the full consciousness of her strength and of 
 the responsibilities which are hers, to rise to 
 heights of world service such as she has never 
 known before.
 
 CHAPTER II 
 The Meaning of Sex 
 
 SEX is a subject women have been very reluc- 
 tant to discuss or even to read about. For 
 generations they have been made to feel that sex 
 was something of which they should know noth- 
 ing. While they were forced to admit that their 
 womanhood was an expression of sex, they put 
 it out of their thoughts as much as possible. 
 They seemed to prefer to think of themselves as 
 sexless beings. They felt apologetic for being 
 women, and in this unnatural attitude of sup- 
 pression and denial of their sex, they lived and 
 died without ever realizing the glorious possi- 
 bilities of their distinctive natures. 
 
 Sex is not something which is localized in the 
 human body, pertaining only to a certain set of 
 organs. Sex is a universal principle which ex- 
 presses itself in all but the very lowest forms 
 of life. It permeates every atom of the physical 
 structure, so that each tiny cell expresses either 
 masculinity or femininity. 
 
 It is as though Mother Nature had divided the 
 living material in the universe into two portions, 
 and bidden one-half to specialize in certain char- 
 acteristics, the other half to specialize in other 
 characteristics, and this work of specialization 
 has gone on progressively with the evolution of 
 high forms of life and will continue to do so as 
 long as the world lasts.
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 It is to this division of the life-force into two 
 expressions that we owe the greatest blessings 
 of our existence. All of the sweetest and most 
 beautiful relationships of life spring from this 
 division of the human race into halves, which 
 come together again to make a perfect whole. 
 The relation of husband and wife, parents and 
 children, brothers and sisters and relatives of 
 all degree, of friend with friend, all find their 
 root in this universal principle of sex. Not only 
 beauty of soul, but much of the beauty of the 
 universe springs from this same great principle. 
 The blossoms of flower and shrub and tree are 
 the expressions of sex in plant life. The coloring 
 of the wings of the bird and the. song that he 
 sings are expressions of the same great force. 
 The effort of the lower forms of life to provide 
 nourishment for their offspring furnishes us with 
 the greater part of our food our grains, tubers 
 and bulbs, our milk and eggs. Sex, we must 
 understand, is but the means chosen whereby 
 life may be continued upon the earth. Through 
 the mating of male and female all the great vari- 
 eties of life have been made possible. 
 
 When we comprehend the universal nature of 
 sex and the immeasurable blessings which it 
 brings us, we perceive at once how absurd it is 
 that any one should be reluctant to consider so 
 vital a subject. Sex in itself is pure, and a proper 
 understanding of it is ennobling. Those who 
 shrink from it show by so doing that they have 
 not yet gained a true conception of the nature 
 
 6
 
 THE MEANING OF SEX 
 
 of sex and its place in life. Without doubt the 
 ignorance which has been fostered by this dis- 
 inclination to discuss the subject has resulted in 
 more human suffering, wrong-doing and tragedy 
 than could ever be measured. 
 
 Fortunately for us, the day of prudery is 
 passed. There are not many today who feel it 
 necessary to make known their disapproval of 
 anything connected with sex, still less to parade 
 their ignorance, in order to prove their own su- 
 perior state of morals. Today we dare to look 
 the facts of life in the face and to show our inter- 
 est in everything that pertains to the human race, 
 realizing that knowledge is always freedom and 
 power. 
 
 The sacredness of the function of reproduction 
 must be realized by all, for from it springs human 
 life. Everything connected with the bestowal 
 of life ought to be pure and uplifting. What- 
 ever is connected with the subject that is impure 
 must spring from the misuse or misconception, 
 of the divine creative powers which have been 
 bestowed upon us. 
 
 The instinct to see one's life reproduced in 
 other human lives must always be in its essence 
 ennobling. This instinct to continue the life of 
 the race runs directly contrary to the instinct 
 for self-preservation. The bestowal of life means 
 giving up a part of the life of the individual. 
 It is, therefore, essentially an expression of the 
 desire for self-sacrifice and it entails, in the ma- 
 jority of instances, a continuance in the giving 
 
 7
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 of self through the greater part of life. 
 
 The study of the life-giving function of the 
 body, therefore, if undertaken with the desire to 
 learn that which will enable one to render greater 
 service to the world than would otherwise be 
 possible, must always be an uplifting one. That 
 it calls for the contemplation of physical details 
 should not distress us, because the body has been 
 truly called "the Temple of God." It is the in- 
 strument by which we, as spiritual beings, are 
 able to express ourselves upon this physical 
 plane. To be truly successful in our lives here, 
 we need to come into an understanding of the 
 laws governing this body, in order that we may 
 make it our efficient instrument of expression. 
 
 Every part of the body is pure and clean, .and 
 worthy of all reverence. That we have not 
 always realized this has been due in large part 
 to the misuse of the bodily functions. Indecency 
 is a question of behavior, and does not pertain 
 to the body itself. Impurity belongs, not to sex, 
 but to the mind of the individual. It has been 
 well said that "to the pure all things are pure.'* 
 Even in contemplating wrong-doing, we can 
 realize that it is but the misuse of that which in 
 its normal use is right and beautiful. It is only 
 of the abuse of a function of which anyone need 
 feel ashamed. 
 
 The feeling of shame once so commonly asso- 
 ciated with the subject of sex has been due almost 
 entirely to ignorance. With no understanding 
 of sex in the normal, and seeing only the terrible
 
 consequences of this power when directed solely 
 to selfish gratification, it is no wonder that the 
 average individual has come to look upon the 
 whole subject with a feeling of disgust. It is 
 not surprising that parents have been horrified 
 at the suggestion that they should talk with their 
 children upon the subject of sex, because to them 
 that meant discussing certain sins of the human 
 race with their terrible consequences. The dis- 
 tinction between the use and misuse of these 
 powers, however, is now so clearly understood 
 that today it is possible to suggest that one should 
 study the subject of sex without immediately 
 arousing an attitude of mental resistance and 
 condemnation upon the part of one's hearers.
 
 CHAPTER III 
 Mental and Spiritual Significance of Sex 
 
 MEN have always taken pride in their virile 
 powers. To be virile means to be strongly 
 sexed, and that does not mean simply to have 
 well-developed sex organs. It means that every 
 particle of the body feels strongly the impulse 
 of masculinity. Women should learn to rejoice 
 also in being strongly sexed, which means that 
 every particle of their bodies feels the character- 
 istic impulse of femininity. 
 
 The masculine impulse is positive, active, de- 
 structive. The feminine impulse is passive, neg- 
 ative and constructive. These two, therefore, 
 supplement each other, and both are essential to 
 a fully developed, well balanced racial life. Here 
 is found the strongest possible reason for joint 
 responsibilities between man and woman in the 
 government of a community or a nation. Neither 
 one of these two beings can fill the place of the 
 other, and both are equally essential to a well- 
 rounded, perfectly balanced national life. 
 
 Thus we see that sex holds a more important 
 place in life than has been imagined. We know 
 today, also, that the sex organs fulfill a much 
 more important function in the life of the indi- 
 vidual than has hitherto been supposed. Indi- 
 cations of the importance of these organs have 
 not been lacking. Take, for instance, the fact 
 that if the sex organs of animals are removed at 
 
 10
 
 SPIRITUAL SIGNIFICANCE OF SEX 
 
 an early age, the animal will not develop the 
 qualities which belong distinctively to its sex. 
 The patient horse lacks the fire and energy of 
 the proud stallion. The plodding ox forms a 
 marked contrast to the fiery bull. Similar exam- 
 ples have not been lacking in human life, for in 
 earlier ages boys were sometimes deprived of 
 these organs and grew up into effeminate crea- 
 tures, lacking all manly qualities, both physical 
 and mental. Elsewhere I have described the 
 condition of such an unfortunate individual in 
 the following words: "His high-pitched, chil- 
 ish voice, undeveloped body, physical weakness, 
 lack of vital resistance and short life, all indi- 
 cate clearly the importance of the glands of which 
 he has been deprived. The beard does not grow, 
 as in the case of the virile man. The voice does 
 not change. The muscles lack tenacity and firm- 
 ness and the nerves are weak all of these condi- 
 tions indicating a lack of general constitutional 
 vigor due to the loss of the internal secretion, 
 the substance normally supplied to the living 
 fabric by the testicles. And what is perhaps of 
 even greater importance, the effect upon the 
 mind is just as serious as upon the body. He 
 lacks courage, he lacks ambition, he lacks every 
 mental quality that distinguishes men of great 
 virility." 
 
 Without any doubt, the removal of the sex 
 organs in early youth would have a correspond- 
 ing effect upon the development of the young 
 girl. She would lack those qualities which are 
 
 11
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 essentially womanly, and would therefore lose 
 that which makes her of greatest value to the 
 community. 
 
 The importance of the sex organs in the de- 
 velopment of the individual has been scientific- 
 ally explained only within comparatively recent 
 times. It is now known that as early as at ten 
 years of age, these organs begin to secrete a 
 fluid which is taken up by the blood and carried 
 to every part of the organism. This wonderful 
 internal secretion then begins its marvelous work 
 of making over the entire body. Every bone, 
 muscle, nerve and organ feels the effect of the 
 magical fluid, and it is not long before we see 
 the external manifestation of what has been go- 
 ing on within the organism. It is this internal 
 secretion which causes the young girl to lose all 
 her angularities and to take on the soft and gra- 
 cious curves of womanhood. It is this which gives 
 an added lustre to her hair, a clearer color to her 
 cheek, and a brighter light to her eye. Thus we 
 see that the beauty which forms so large a part 
 of woman's charm is directly due to the activity 
 of these creative organs in their process of de- 
 velopment, and we begin to realize that woman, 
 as an individual, owes a debt of gratitude to 
 these racial powers. 
 
 With the development of the body comes also 
 an unfoldment of the mind. New emotions be- 
 gin to make themselves felt, and impulses toward 
 self-sacrifice in the service of others may be ob- 
 served. All these are expressions of sex. The 
 
 12
 
 SPIRITUAL SIGNIFICANCE OF SEX 
 
 beautiful maternal instinct which causes women 
 to mother all with whom they come in contact 
 gains an added impetus at this time. Think what 
 it would mean to the girl and to others if she 
 were to be deprived in any way of this life-giving 
 impulse. 
 
 It is not alone through the physical operation 
 which has been suggested that such a catastro- 
 phe may come about. There are wrong habits 
 which a girl may acquire through ignorance 
 , which may bring about a somewhat similar con- 
 dition. Any abuse of the sex organs will tend 
 to impair their power. It is in order to prevent 
 such catastrophes that instruction in these mat- 
 ters should be given to girls and young women. 
 This subject of abuses will be considered more 
 fully later on. 
 
 By teaching our girls to be ashamed of their 
 womanliness and to suppress their higher sex 
 impulses, we may be crushing out the most ad- 
 mirable qualities which have been bestowed upon 
 them. Rather should we teach them the true 
 meaning of the racial impulse, that they may be 
 awakened to equip themselves to be true moth- 
 ers of the race, spiritually as well as physically. 
 
 In order to develop to the highest degree the 
 physical and mental powers it is necessary to live 
 a normal life, and that includes the sex life. This 
 is especially important in youth, for it is in this 
 early period of life that we are laying the foun- 
 dation, not only of our own future life, but of the 
 lives of those who shall come after us. The de- 
 is
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 velopment of the highest qualities of soul, mind 
 and body depends in very large degree upon the 
 normal unfoldment of the sex powers. 
 
 It is especially important that young women 
 should cast aside the reluctance which they may 
 have felt for a study of this subject, and come 
 into a full comprehension of what sex normally 
 means in human life. They have gone so far, 
 many of them, in their dislike for everything 
 connected with sex, that they have even suc- 
 ceeded in suppressing many of the natural in- 
 stincts and impulses of their own hearts. They 
 have for this reason cut themselves off from 
 much that would give them happiness and pleas- 
 ure throughout their whole lives, and would en- 
 able them to be of infinitely greater service to the 
 community in which they live. 
 
 Women must learn to rejoice in their woman- 
 hood and to make the most of it, in order that 
 they may make their especial contribution to the 
 life of the world. If they do not bring to the com- 
 munity that which belongs distinctively to them 
 as woman, it will suffer for lack of that which 
 no one else can give. 
 
 14
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 Am I a Complete Woman? 
 
 IT is well for every young woman to sit down 
 and frankly face the question, "Am I a com- 
 plete woman?" We are too apt to take ourselves 
 for granted. We are not quite willing to admit 
 the unpleasant truth of our own shortcomings. 
 Yet the process need not be so disagreeable a 
 one as we may at first imagine ; for, having dis- 
 covered wherein we are lacking, we can, if we 
 have the requisite will power, set ourselves defi- 
 nitely to work at making good that lack. With 
 determination and persistency, we can overcome 
 almost any defect. And as we observe our own 
 growth and development, we will enjoy that tri- 
 umphant exhilaration which comes from getting 
 the mastery over an obstacle. 
 
 Suppose you take a quiet hour to sit down and 
 look yourself over critically. Take a piece of 
 paper, if you feel so inclined, and make two col- 
 umns, one headed STRONG POINTS, the other 
 one WEAK POINTS. Do not be afraid to write 
 down the truth as you see it. Put aside false 
 modesty, and say all the good things you can 
 about yourself. But, on the other hand, be 
 equally frank to admit your faults. 
 
 It may be that you are one who has abounding 
 physical vitality and who follows her natural 
 bent in that direction to the detriment of her 
 
 15
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 mental development. You are physically active, 
 perhaps, but mentally lazy. The physical activ- 
 ity is commendable, but you must see to it that 
 you direct more of the force gained through 
 physical exercise into mental channels, until you 
 bring up that part of your nature to the same 
 degree of development as the other. 
 
 It is more likely, however, that exactly the re- 
 verse is the case. Although the day of anemic 
 heroines has passed and our young girls no longer 
 feel it necessary to eat chalk and other detri- 
 mental substances in order to give their com- 
 plexions an interesting degree of pallor, never- 
 theless too many of the young girls of the day 
 are following their ambitions in the mental realm 
 to the detriment of their physical development. 
 The girl who stands high in her classes is praised 
 by her teachers and her parents, and feels herself 
 to be occupying an eminence of achievement. 
 Too often, however, she has gained this position 
 by the sacrifice of her physical activity. She is 
 alive, but she does not possess overflowing vital- 
 ity, a superabundance of energy which bubbles 
 over in good spirits and bright cheer that is a 
 source of inspiration to all about her. Health 
 and strength and good spirits are essential to 
 successful living, and for the sake of her future 
 happiness, every girl should conserve these price- 
 less possessions. Moreover, these are the foun- 
 dations of beauty and charm. They are, there- 
 fore, essential to the completeness of every 
 woman. 
 
 16
 
 AM I A COMPLETE WOMAN 
 
 So, if you have a bad complexion, or pimples, 
 round shoulders and a hollow chest, a lackadaisi- 
 cal manner, or an ungraceful gait, write them all 
 down in the column of your defects and then set 
 to work to find out how to overcome them. It 
 only requires a little persistency, for almost every 
 defect which you may discover can be overcome 
 by proper methods of living and the right kind 
 of breathing and exercise. And who would not 
 devote herself to such simple efforts each, day 
 for the sake of becoming a complete woman? 
 
 There are other points to be considered, how- 
 ever, in this study of yourself. The young woman 
 who feels that she does not want to marry, be- 
 cause of the work which that may entail and the 
 self-sacrifice which may be involved, is not a 
 complete woman. She is lacking in the very 
 essentials of womanliness. Responsibilities are 
 a joy to one who has the courage to meet them, 
 and the greatest pleasure in the world comes 
 through sacrificing oneself for those whom one 
 loves. 
 
 So far does this fear of an undue amount of 
 labor affect some women, that they are willing 
 to forego the greatest blessing of all, mother- 
 hood, in order to escape the additional burdens 
 which it may bring to them. Can such claim to 
 be complete women ? They do not know the joys 
 of which they are depriving themselves. Neither 
 do they realize how unnatural is their state of 
 mind and heart. There are no exercises of the 
 body to be prescribed for those who have reached 
 
 17
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 this supreme state of selfishness. They may 
 serve as a warning, however, to the younger 
 women who may be in danger of placing their 
 own personal ease above the normal joys of 
 life. If, as you closely scan your own thoughts 
 and feelings, you find deep hidden within your- 
 self an impulse, or even the beginning of an 
 impulse, in this direction, root it out with a ruth- 
 less hand, knowing that that way lies the ultimate 
 destruction of the very highest and best of your 
 womanly nature. 
 
 The normal woman is not afraid of responsi- 
 bilities. Work is to her a joy, because she has 
 the strength and vigor to accomplish with ease 
 whatever lies before her. Her family cares have, 
 from the beginning of time, been the means of 
 woman's unfoldment, and of the development 
 of the human race. The girl who finds herself 
 disinclined to fulfill her daily duties should begin 
 at once a course of vigorous exercise to build up 
 her physical health. Once she has overflowing 
 vitality, she will find pleasure in everything that 
 she has to do. With deep breathing and outdoor 
 exercising, she will find the normal instincts of 
 womanhood return to her. Life with its mani- 
 fold opportunities will beckon to her. She will 
 follow gladly, rejoicing in the knowledge of her 
 own completeness, and ready for the duties that 
 may come to her through the fulfillment of her 
 womanly functions. 
 
 18
 
 CHAPTER V 
 The Old Maid 
 
 TD ROBABLY a good many of my readers, 
 when the above heading catches their eye, 
 will feel inclined to say, as did the old farmer 
 looking at a circus poster of a two-headed calf, 
 "There ain't no such critter." True it is that to- 
 day we hear almost solely about single women, 
 and even the term "spinster" carries with it no 
 such suggestion of contempt as that embodied in 
 the two words, "old maid." 
 
 Some few years ago the phrase, "bachelor 
 girl," was a popular one, and we still have her 
 with us, though the name is less used. The bache- 
 lor girl is an unmarried woman, of almost any 
 age, who has gone out into the world of business 
 and is leading her own independent, and gener- 
 ally very efficient, life. She carries with her no 
 suggestion of failure. No one could ever think 
 of her as a remnant on life's bargain counter. 
 She has remained unmarried because no man 
 came into her circle of friends who possessed 
 enough attractions to woo her from a life of 
 "single blessedness." It would sometimes seem 
 to be something of a reflection upon the men of 
 the present time, when one looks over the women 
 who would have made such splendid mothers, 
 but who have persistently remained outside of 
 the bonds of matrimony. The bachelor girl has 
 managed to escape the narrow life and weazened 
 
 19
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 existence of the traditional old maid ; but has she 
 after all nothing to regret? 
 
 There are many allurements in the single life. 
 There is, for example, the greater freedom which 
 comes to one who has no one's needs or desires to 
 consider but her own. She can live her own life, 
 which is what so many of us clamor for in the 
 early years of adolescence. She is free to let her 
 ambitions have full sway, and she may, there- 
 fore, achieve success in some instances a note- 
 worthy one. Yet we may ask ourselves, Is she 
 always satisfied? 
 
 While she is young and everything comes her 
 way, she is too busy climbing from one point to 
 the next on life's ladder to ask herself this ques- 
 tion. When she reaches middle life and finds 
 that she has achieved all that she dreamed of, 
 and possible more, there is little room for this 
 question. But as the shadows of life begin to 
 gather around her, and she finds herself left more 
 and more alone because those of her own genera- 
 tion are silently departing to other shores, more 
 and more frequently must the question return to 
 her, "Is this all? Has it been worth while?" 
 
 She sees no young lives ready to take up her 
 work where she must drop it, and carry it on to a 
 still fuller fruition. She discovers that she grows 
 old faster in these later years than do her married 
 friends, because their life is renewed in their 
 children. They live in a constant atmosphere of 
 healthful good spirits and activity, which keeps 
 the blood circulating faster, and continually stim- 
 
 20
 
 THE OLD MAID 
 
 ulates them to greater physical efforts, which re- 
 sult in stemming the rising tide of old age. Life 
 has brought to the bachelor maid many compen- 
 sations, but it has not brought these most lasting 
 ones. While she felt, in her earlier years, that 
 she was more fortunate to be able to carry out 
 her ambitions than those whose responsibilities 
 interfered with them, now she finds that she has 
 nothing to look forward to, and that the fulfill- 
 ment of her early ambitions fails to satisfy her. 
 Her life will end when she dies. There is no one 
 to carry it on. 
 
 The single life is freer, it may be, from respon- 
 sibilities, from obligations, from burdens, from 
 the need for self-sacrifice; but it is also lacking 
 in the richer joys which come through the service 
 of others and in the love that springs from the 
 closest human relationships. The nature of the 
 woman is not developed to its fullest extent if 
 she has spent her lifetime alone; and the very 
 burdens which seemed to her to weigh down her 
 married friends prove to be the blessings which 
 brought into fullest expression the rich treasures 
 that lay hidden within their natures. 
 
 There are many young women, it is true, who 
 are compelled to stay outside the estate of matri- 
 mony. There will be many more, because of the 
 hundreds and thousands of young men whose 
 lives have been consumed by war. What com- 
 pensation is there for them ? 
 
 Although they may never know the intimate 
 joys of marriage, there is no reason why they 
 
 21
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 should be deprived of the deep and lasting hap- 
 piness of motherhood. Without any doubt, the 
 greatest, the most lasting, most satisfying happi- 
 ness that comes to woman, comes through the 
 gratification of her maternal instinct, and it need 
 not necessarily be her own children who bring 
 to her this satisfaction. There are today thou- 
 sands of little children left orphans because of 
 war, and no woman need ever be without little 
 children in her home. 
 
 Neither should she be afraid to face the possible 
 consequences of an heredity with which she is 
 unfamiliar. We must remember that through 
 the workings of this law, good is handed on just 
 as inevitably as is the bad, and in a much greater 
 degree. The abnormal tends always to its own 
 destruction. It is only the normal which can be 
 handed on down an indefinite line of generations. 
 
 We have allowed this thought of heredity to 
 become too great a bugaboo, and too often have 
 allowed the richest blessing to slip from our 
 grasp, just because we were afraid of what might 
 develop within the life. Read the stories of those 
 who have dared to adopt unknown little ones and 
 see what wonderful things have been accom- 
 plished by them. It may call for wisdom, tact, 
 patience, unfailing love, to overcome the nature 
 that is born a little twisted in one way or another, 
 but it is those very things which develop in the 
 mother the very richest part of her own nature. 
 Adopt a child while it is still an infant in arms, 
 and in six weeks' time you will be unaware that 
 
 22
 
 THE OLD MAID 
 
 the child is not your own, and will probably re- 
 sent any remark which brings the fact to your 
 mind. 
 
 There can be no narrowing of the life into sel- 
 fish channels when the responsibility for another 
 human being has been gladly undertaken. There 
 will be no drying up of the fountain of life as 
 the years go by, but rather will it grow richer 
 and fuller from year to year. Thus may the 
 bachelor girl insure herself against the dreaded 
 fate of ever becoming that pitiful creature, the 
 traditional old maid. 
 
 23
 
 CHAPTER VI 
 Choosing a Husband 
 
 A HUSBAND should not be an accidental 
 * acquisition ; he should be the result of a de- 
 liberate choice. 
 
 No woman buys the first gown she sees when 
 she steps into a shop to escape a shower. She 
 first makes up her mind that she wants a dress 
 for certain uses. She decides what will probably 
 be the material, and has, in general, a pretty good 
 idea of what will be in accordance with her tastes 
 and needs. 
 
 Should she not exercise at least as much care 
 in making the choice of a life companion? He 
 will be a much more important factor in her life's 
 happiness than a mere bit of apparel, and he can- 
 not be so easily discarded. Upon the success of 
 her choice in this particular will depend, very 
 largely, the success or failure of her life. 
 
 That the young woman is supposed to be 
 chosen, not to choose, I realize very well. But 
 anyone who is acquainted with the real facts in 
 the case knows that, in reality, it is the young 
 woman who exercises the power of choice. She 
 it is who attracts and draws to her the individual 
 who is most pleasing to her tastes. Her methods 
 are not apparent to the superficial observer. She 
 may even be more or less unconscious of them 
 
 24
 
 CHOOSING A HUSBAND 
 
 herself, but they are none the less real and effec- 
 tive. 
 
 She must have, therefore, some standard of 
 choice. She must realize what it is she is selecting 
 this man for. 
 
 In the romantic days of her early adolescence, 
 she thinks only of that which may contribute to 
 her individual pleasure. The man who is hand- 
 some to look upon and can stir in her a thrill of 
 physical admiration, seems to her the most de- 
 sirable individual in the world. In reality, how- 
 ever, she is not considering in the least his true 
 place in her life. This is one more reason, a 
 most important one, why it is advisable for 
 young girls to wait a little before making a defi- 
 nite choice of a husband. They should wait until 
 their own real purposes and ambitions in life 
 have more fully developed, so that the choice can 
 be made more in accord with what will be their 
 lifelong desires. 
 
 The real vital function of the man of her choice 
 is to be the father of her children. If parents were 
 willing and able to answer the early questions of 
 their children as to their own origin, and to con- 
 tinue talking sensibly and seriously with them 
 upon the subjects related thereto whenever their 
 inquiries indicated a desire for further enlighten- 
 ment, young men and young women would grow 
 up with a thorough understanding of the import* 
 ance of the parental function. It sometimes even 
 shocks a young girl to suggest to her that she 
 should consider the welfare of her possible chil- 
 
 25
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 dren when she is thinking of accepting some 
 young man's proposal. It should not be a shock- 
 ing suggestion to her, however, and would not, 
 if she had been brought up to think rightly upon 
 this vitally important subject. 
 
 Let her choose, then, first of all a MAN in 
 every sense of the word. Not a mere appendage 
 to a cigarette ; not a lounge lizard ; not a peram- 
 bulating stock- ticker ; not an animated booze re- 
 ceptacle; not a whited sepulchre of disease and 
 corruption ; but a man who is physically strong, 
 mentally alert, morally pure and clean and up- 
 right. Without these essentials of physical 
 health, mental capacity and moral integrity^ a 
 man is not fitted to make a successful husband 
 and father. 
 
 If a young woman follows her own intuitions 
 and cultivates her own keen critical faculties, she 
 will be able to judge pretty well for herself in 
 all of these matters. She can tell by a young 
 man's clear eye, upright carriage and springy 
 step that he is in a condition of abounding health 
 and vitality. 
 
 Bleared eyes tell the tale of alcoholic intoxica- 
 tion and nicotine-yellowed fingers betray the 
 weak-willed, self-indulgent, inveterate smoker. 
 
 The man who is completely absorbed in busi- 
 ness generally lacks the time and interest to pay 
 any continuous attention to the gentler side of 
 life, and as soon as the first flush of ardent devo- 
 tion has passed he will, in all probabilitv, be neg- 
 lectful of his wife, and later of his children. 
 
 26
 
 CHOOSING A HUSBAND 
 
 As for the man who is morally corrupt, a 
 woman's intuition will generally warn her, if 
 she will but listen and follow its indications. Un- 
 fortunately, too many women are in the habit of 
 silencing this inward monitor, and so lessen the 
 protection which it is intended to afford them. 
 These men have learned through their association 
 with women of another type just how to stir the 
 sex nature of a woman, and through their pow- 
 ers of fascination they stimulate that side of a 
 woman's nature which causes her to refuse to 
 listen to hints of danger and insist upon follow- 
 ing her own desires. 
 
 It is in some such way as this that many a good 
 girl is lured to her ruin. She has not learned to 
 distinguish between her own higher and lower 
 desires, and so she does not recognize that it is 
 the better part of herself which utters this per- 
 sistent and disturbing warning, and that it is the 
 lower part of herself which endeavors to stifle 
 all restraining suggestions. The girl who is hon- 
 est with herself will be able, through their differ- 
 ent effect upon her own emotions, to distinguish 
 between the glance of frank admiration from a 
 pure-minded man, and the look of sensuous en- 
 joyment from one of the dangerous type referred 
 to. From a man's conversation, also, much may 
 be learned of his thoughts. If these appear to 
 be running always in the direction of sensuous 
 pleasure, if not of sensuality, the young girl 
 would do well to govern her actions with discre- 
 tion, and to turn resolutely away from any inti- 
 
 27
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 macy with a man of such calibre. Even though 
 he should eventually marry her, she will prob- 
 ably find as the years go by that the better and 
 more enduring part of her nature is left unsatis- 
 fied, while purely physical pleasures have not 
 only ceased to exert their former sway over her, 
 but have become an almost unendurable degrada- 
 tion. 
 
 Physical vigor is apt to bring with it abundant 
 good spirits and cheerful optimism, and these at- 
 tributes are most essential to a successful mar- 
 ried life. The man or woman who always has a 
 grouch, cannot claim to add very much to the 
 happiness of his or her family. Girls would do 
 well to remember this, for, unfortunately, their 
 pity is often touched by a young man who always 
 appears to be having a hard time. 
 
 Pity in women is a very dangerous feeling, for 
 many of them mistake it for the more vital and 
 lasting emotion of love. Pity indicates a nega- 
 tive attitude of mind, and is generally called 
 forth by a negative mental state in its recipient. 
 You pity the man who is down and out, as he 
 sits in a dejected attitude with his head hanging 
 low, and his hands dropping limply at his sides. 
 You say, "Poor fellow!" and shake your head, 
 and enter into a corresponding weak and flabby 
 mental attitude. 
 
 If you had true sympathy for him you'd clap 
 him on the shoulder and say, "Cheer up, old fel- 
 low. The battle is not lost yet. Get up and go 
 to it." 
 
 28
 
 CHOOSING A HUSBAND 
 
 Of course, this latter attitude does not allow 
 of so much sentimental petting as the former, 
 and so does not often lead to romantic attach- 
 ments ; but it is for this very reason, much safer 
 for all concerned. Let the girl who is tempted to 
 marry a man because she "feels so sorry for him" 
 remember that there will be many occasions in 
 her life when she will need a strong arm to learn 
 upon, and a courageous spirit to uphold her in 
 her time of trial. 
 
 There can be no question but that love is the 
 essential foundation of all true marriage, and yet 
 love, as that word is commonly used, is not 
 enough. 
 
 There must be a strong physical attraction in 
 order that there may be a harmonious and life- 
 giving physical relationship. 
 
 There must be mental companionship in order 
 that, as the years go by, the two may grow more 
 and more intimately into each other's lives. 
 
 There must also be a spiritual union. They 
 must have common aims, ideals, and a common 
 attitude toward life and its great purposes. It is 
 only in this highest realm of the spiritual, as we 
 call it, that an enduirng union can exist, and 
 without this, the coming together of the two indi- 
 viduals may prove to be only temporary. 
 
 29
 
 CHAPTER VII 
 Judging a Man's Fitness 
 
 THE question of personal purity in the man 
 whom she marries is of supreme import- 
 ance, not only to the young woman herself 
 but even more to her possible children. If in 
 all other matters a man has proven himself thor- 
 oughly desirable, but there is doubt about his 
 habits of life in this particular, no step should 
 be taken by the young woman until she is assured 
 he is wholly acceptable in this matter also. 
 
 From the standpoint of fairness, it would seem 
 that a woman had every right to expect the same 
 purity of life in the man whom she marries that 
 he demands of her. For generations, however, 
 this has not been the attitude of the world. Acts 
 that cast her into the outer realm of social degra- 
 dation were looked upon as negligible factors in 
 his life. 
 
 It was almost universally conceded that a 
 young man must sow his wild oats, and no 
 thought was given to the girl who might be 
 ruined because of his habits of life, nor to the 
 harvest of wild oats which might result from 
 that sowing. Indeed, the majority of parents ac- 
 cepted the saying that a reformed rake made the 
 best husband. ' The idea was, I suppose, that, 
 having had his fling, he was now ready to settle 
 down and devote himself exclusively to one 
 
 30
 
 JUDGING A MAN'S FITNESS 
 
 woman. Through his multifarious experiences 
 with many women, he was supposed to have be- 
 come a past master in the art of charming the 
 feminine heart, and so the woman to whom he 
 brought his final and, supposedly, lasting devo- 
 tion, was looked upon as a fortunate creature. 
 
 Today we are not able to take this point of 
 view. The knowledge science has gained of the 
 physical consequences which come as a result of 
 this form of moral transgression has made us 
 thoroughly aware that the woman who marries a 
 reformed rake is running a terrible risk. 
 
 The young girl of yesterday was not supposed 
 to know anything about the details of the life of 
 a man during his years of freedom from restraint. 
 She could not be expected, therefore, to know 
 anything about the consequences of that life. In 
 beautiful, trustful ignorance, she was handed 
 over to this man, who had sated his soul with 
 life's excesses and now turned to this young, 
 fresh, beautiful creature as the one who could 
 most nearly restore to him the joy of living 
 which he had deliberately thrown away. 
 
 Upon that altar were sacrificed her youth and 
 beauty, her health and vigor. It was not uncom- 
 mon to see the young bride droop and wither 
 and quickly become a faded flower sinking, it 
 may be, into lifelong invalidism. The mysterious 
 dispensation of an inscrutable Providence ! The 
 children that she brought into the world were 
 puny little creatures, ailing from their birth, 
 
 lived only a few hours, it may be, or were still- 
 si
 
 born. She knew all of the sorrows of motherhood 
 and none of its joys, and throughout her life, per- 
 haps, remained ignorant of the real source of her 
 tragic experience. 
 
 We know today that the sufferings of the bride 
 and the tragedy of her children were not the 
 workings of an inscrutable Providence, but were 
 the direct, unescapable consequences of the sow- 
 ing of wild oats which had taken place in her hus- 
 band's youth. We can no longer shut our eyes 
 to these facts. The researches of science have 
 proven them to us, and the. experience of the hu- 
 man race constantly emphasizes the observations 
 of the laboratory. 
 
 It is for this reason that young women have so 
 vital an interest in the habits of young men. 
 
 If the latter have a right to demand absolute 
 chastity of life and purity of thought in the bride 
 whom they lead to the altar, so has she an equal 
 right to demand exactly the same thing from 
 them. She must demand it, not only for her own 
 sake, but also because she is choosing half of the 
 inheritance of her children. She dare not accept 
 that which threatens to blight these helpless little 
 lives, to send them into the world blinded, it may 
 be, idiotic, epileptic, or burdened with other 
 physical handicaps from which they can never 
 hope to escape. 
 
 The subject is so vital that every girl must 
 have the courage to face it and know for herself 
 just what are the physical consequences of this 
 form of moral transgression. When we deal in 
 
 32
 
 JUDGING A MAN'S FITNESS 
 
 general phrases, it is always possible to think that 
 we are exaggerating. Therefore it is necessary 
 to tell the young girl something of just what 
 these diseases are, and just what they mean to 
 the individual who becomes infected with them. 
 
 The diseases which come as the result of sexual 
 immorality are called the venereal diseases. 
 They are three in number: syphilis, gonorrhea, 
 and chanchroid. 
 
 The last named is a local infection, the least 
 serious and the least frequent of the three com- 
 mon venereal diseases. 
 
 The other diseases are two of the most serious 
 from which the human race suffers. While gon- 
 orrhea was at one time considered but little worse 
 than a cold, today it is known that its conse- 
 quences are of so lasting a nature that it must be 
 looked upon as of equally tragic importance with 
 syphilis. 
 
 Both of these diseases are due to micro-organ- 
 isms which, once established in the blood, are al- 
 most ineradicable. Indeed, until the last few 
 years, syphilis has been considered absolutely in- 
 curable ; and while today scientists claim to have 
 discovered a remedy which will eventually bring 
 about a cure, gonorrhea still remains a baffling 
 problem. 
 
 If the transgressor was the only sufferer from 
 this disease, we might not be so deeply concerned. 
 Too often, however, it is the innocent wife and 
 helpless children who must carry the heaviest 
 part of the burden of retribution. 
 
 33
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 Although the wife is most frequently the suf- 
 ferer from the husband's diseased condition, it is 
 not only in the married relation that this infec- 
 tion may be conveyed. If the virulent discharge 
 can find any least break in the skin through which 
 the micro-organisms can enter the system, infec- 
 tion takes place. 
 
 It is for this reason that the disease of syphilis 
 is such a serious menace to society. The mother, 
 or sister, or friend, of the diseased individual may 
 become infected through using the same drink- 
 ing cup, the same towel, the same napkin, or 
 through a kiss. 
 
 Whether the infection is innocently received or 
 not, the course of the disease is practically the 
 same. From two to eight weeks must elapse be- 
 fore the germs make enough poison to cause the 
 first sign of the disease to appear. At that time, 
 a small red spot like a pimple or ulcer may be 
 noticed. This is hard to the touch, and is called 
 a chancre. 
 
 This is the best time for treatment. If the dis- 
 ease is taken at this stage, there is all the hope in 
 the world that its further progress may be com- 
 pletely averted. For this reason, attention 
 should be paid at once to any small sore, hard in 
 character, especially if it appears upon the sex 
 organs. 
 
 If the proper treatment is not given at this 
 time, the poisonous germs develop with great 
 rapidity, and starting through the general circu- 
 
 34
 
 JUDGING A MAN'S FITNESS 
 
 lation, grow in strength and number from day 
 to day. 
 
 Within from six weeks to three months, 
 enough of the poison will be developed to cause 
 the second stage of the disease. This second 
 stage may make itself known through headaches, 
 bone pains, fever sores in the mouth and throat, 
 skin rashes, or swelling of the glands. At this 
 time treatment is imperative and must be fol- 
 lowed persistently and unceasingly, until the se- 
 verest tests prove that it has been successful. 
 
 If the second stage is neglected, or the treat- 
 ment given up before its end has been gained, 
 then inevitably will develop the third stage. This 
 comes very slowly, however, sometimes many 
 years after the patient has supposed that he or 
 she was completely cured. It may take any- 
 where from one to twenty years for this third 
 stage to make its presence unmistakably known. 
 These latest consequences are naturally the most 
 serious. The terrible creeping paralysis known 
 as locomotor ataxia, general paresis, hardening 
 of the arteries, some forms of insanity, deformi- 
 ties and chronic heart disease may all come from 
 this cause. 
 
 These facts should be known by every woman. 
 Before marriage, she needs this knowledge that 
 she may understand the vital importance of pro- 
 tecting herself from marriage with a man suffer- 
 ing from this disease. After marriage, she needs 
 the knowledge, not only for her own protection, 
 but also in order to insure that her husband, 
 
 85
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 should he become infected, will take the neces- 
 sary treatment until he is absolutely cured. The 
 course of treatment will have to be followed for 
 at least three years. 
 
 The young woman needs also to consider what 
 this disease means to her children. Eighty per 
 cent, of the children born with this infection die 
 within a few hours after birth, and for this death 
 the mother has cause to be thankful. Those who 
 survive will be found to be so weakened, either 
 physically or mentally, as to be a lifelong bur- 
 den to themselves and to those about them. It is 
 not necessary to go into the horrible details of 
 this illness. Suffice it to say that epilepsy is one 
 of the common manifestations of this inheri- 
 tance, while it also causes a predisposition to 
 tuberculosis and cancer. 
 
 The other serious venereal disease, gonorrhea, 
 is, from some points of view, even more to be 
 dreaded by women than syphilis. This disease 
 is caused by micro-organisms which directly at- 
 tack the generative organs, causing an inflama- 
 tion which may eventually be transmitted to the 
 fallopian tubes. If these become closed through 
 the inflammation, sterility results, and this is 
 found to be the cause of more than fifty per cent, 
 of sterility in women. 
 
 No absolute cure for gonorrhea, when once it 
 has become thoroughly established in the wo- 
 man's system, is known. It is important there- 
 fore, to know the first symptoms of this infec- 
 tion, as, if the proper treatment is given at the 
 
 36
 
 JUDGING A MAN'S FITNESS 
 
 very beginning of the infection, it will probably 
 keep the disease localized and prevent damage to 
 other organs. 
 
 The first indications of gonorrhea are those of 
 an ordinary acute local infection in the creative 
 organs. This soon makes itself evident by the 
 appearances of a thick yellowish discharge, which 
 is highly contagious in character. It takes at 
 least four weeks to effect a cure, and the disease 
 is highly communicable at all stages. Many sur- 
 gical operations on the female generative organs, 
 and many chronic diseases of these organs and 
 of the joints and bladder, are caused by this in- 
 fection. It is the most prevalent of all diseases 
 except measles. 
 
 Its effect upon the children is most tragic. 
 Eighty per cent of blindness in new-born chil- 
 dren is directly due to the infection received from 
 the mother at the time of birth. It is assumed 
 that ten per cent, of all the blindnss in our coun- 
 try is due to this disease. 
 
 The young woman cannot be too careful, there- 
 fore, to choose her intimate associates from 
 among those young men who, she has reason 
 to believe, are chaste in act and pure in thought. 
 
 When the time comes for her to say a decisive, 
 "Yes," she should call upon father or brother, if 
 she is so fortunate as to possess these masculine 
 protectors, to learn definitely for her whether or 
 not the young man is absolutely free from all 
 taint of communicable disease. If she has no 
 one upon whom she can call for this important in- 
 
 37
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 quiry, she should not hesitate to broach the sub- 
 ject herself, before she has irrevocably given her 
 word. Any honorable young man will be only 
 too glad to assure himself, by proper physical 
 examination, that he will be in no least way en- 
 dangering the health of the one whom he loves 
 by entering into the close relationship of mar- 
 riage with her. In some States it has been made 
 a legal requirement that, before a license is 
 granted, both parties must establish, under oath, 
 their freedom from all communicable disease. 
 
 If upon her request the young man evinces in- 
 dignation and refuses to submit himself to such 
 physical test, she may accept his attitude as con- 
 vincing testimony to the probabiltiy of his being 
 either infected, or having at least, run the risk of 
 infection. Better an aching heart for a few 
 months at this time, because of blighted hopes, 
 than a lifelong period of regrets for her own lost 
 health and the sad inheritance of her children. 
 
 38
 
 CHAPTER VIII 
 Marriage and the Drink Question 
 
 THE personal habits of the man whom she 
 is to marry are a matter of vital import- 
 ance to every young woman. Some 
 people think it an evidence of unnecessary med- 
 dlesomeness on the part of the girl to presume 
 to pass judgment upon the young man's use of 
 alcohol or tobacco. If it was only her own per- 
 sonal convenience which she had to consider, it 
 might be looked upon as an act of gracious self- 
 abnegation for her to put aside any personal 
 prejudices which she might have against the 
 man's method of soothing or stimulating his 
 nerves. It is not a matter merely of personal 
 preference, however. For the sake of her pos- 
 sible children she must consider this question 
 with the utmost carefulness, and she will find, 
 when once she has made a thorough study of it, 
 that the man's welfare is equally involved. 
 
 The question of the use of alcohol may first 
 come to her as a personal one. When she begins 
 going out into society, she may find that, upon 
 occasion, she is urged to take a social glass of 
 wine; and the fear of being considered a crank 
 or a kill-joy may overcome her own scruples, 
 largely because she has no satisfactory reason to 
 give for a continued refusal. 
 
 The reason that stimulants are so popular on 
 
 39
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 social occasions furnishes the very best argument 
 against her indulgence in them. The very first 
 effect of alcohol upon the system is the suppres- 
 sion of the natural inhibitions. In simple phrase- 
 ology, the restraints which we ordinarily place 
 upon ourselves, because our judgment has been 
 trained to recognize the benefit of such self-re- 
 straint, disappear as a result of the clouding of 
 the reasoning faculties and the paralyzing of the 
 will, which is the primary effect of alcohol. 
 Young men who are out for what they term a 
 good time are desirous of getting the young 
 woman to partake of a few glasses of wine, be- 
 cause they know that her manners will become 
 more free and easy, her speech less discreet, and 
 she will be more ready to accept suggestions 
 which her own sense of modesty at another time 
 would cause her to frown upon. 
 
 The girl does not know that her moral sense is 
 paralyzed. She is only aware of what seems to 
 her to be increased brilliancy, and she is apt to 
 feel that she is shining in a conversational way, 
 whereas in reality she may be making a silly fool 
 of herself. Being thus in a condition where she 
 cannot truly distinguish right from wrong, she 
 is in the greatest possible danger from the con- 
 scienceless young man, who will take advant- 
 age of her irresponsible condition to lead her into 
 a situation from which she will find it almost im- 
 possible to extricate herself. 
 
 Alcohol is looked upon by many as a sexual 
 stimulant, which is doubtless another reason why 
 
 40
 
 MARRIAGE AND DRINK QUESTION 
 
 it is used so universally by unscrupulous men. 
 They figure that, if they can arouse the sex na- 
 ture of the young woman, she will then more 
 readily respond to their immoral advances ; and, 
 as it does act to lessen her moral sense and the 
 restraint which .she would ordinarily put upon 
 herself, in a great many instances it accomplishes 
 its purpose. 
 
 Alcohol has, of course, the same effect upon the 
 young man. Its continual use will produce a 
 blunting of the moral sensibilities, which will 
 make it impossible for him properly to perceive 
 moral issues. While it is supposed to be a sex- 
 ual stimulant, in the long run it becomes de- 
 structive of reproductive integrity. Alcohol ap- 
 pears to increase the sexual appetite, while at the 
 same time diminishing the capacity for its satis- 
 faction. This means, of course, that the man who 
 is in the habit of indulging in alcoholic stimula- 
 tion will be apt to come under the sway of sexual 
 desire with increasing frequency, so that his wife 
 is very apt to find herself meeting a constantly in- 
 creasing demand. The self-control which is nec- 
 essary to a well-regulated marital relation will be 
 almost entirely lacking, and her condition of 
 bodily servitude, as we might call it, will grow 
 worse instead of better with the succeeding years. 
 
 In this connection, also, the wife owes it to her 
 possible children to consider what their heritage 
 will be, if they are conceived while the father is 
 under the influence of alcohol. 
 
 Says the eminent Dr. Willard Parker: "The 
 
 41
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 hereditary influence of alcohol manifests itself in 
 various ways. It transmits an appetite for strong 
 drink to children, and these are likely to have 
 that form of drunkenness which may be termed 
 paroxysmal ; that is, they will go for a consider- 
 able period without indulging, placing restraint 
 upon themselves, but at last all the barriers of 
 self-control give way, they yield to the irresistible 
 appetite, and then their indulgence is extreme. 
 The drunkard by inheritance is a more helpless 
 slave than his progenitor, and the children that 
 he begets are more helpless still, unless on the 
 mother's side there is engrafted upon them un- 
 tainted stock. But its hereditary influence is not 
 confined to the propagation of drunkards. It 
 produces insanity, idiocy, epilepsy, and other af- 
 fections of the brain and nervous system, not 
 only in the transgressor himself, but in the chil- 
 dren, and this will transmit predisposition to any 
 of these diseases." 
 
 In this connection we must also consider the 
 question of the advisability of the nursing mother 
 using some alcoholic drink such as beer or wine, 
 which are frequently recommended to nursing 
 mothers. The following quotation gives a very 
 clear picture of the effect of such a procedure 
 upon the child. 
 
 "A large share of the alcohol finds its way 
 out of the system into the milk, and in this 
 way delicate babies are kept in a state of 
 semi-intoxication from birth until they are 
 weaned. A mother finds her child nervous and 
 fretful. She takes a glass of ale an hour or two 
 
 42
 
 MARRIAGE AND DRINK QUESTION 
 
 before nursing the infant, and is pleased to find 
 that he becomes quiet. She little dreams that his 
 quietude is only the narcotism of alcoholic poi- 
 son ; yet such is the truth. Everyone knows that 
 a dose of castor oil given to a nursing mother 
 will affect the child as promptly as the mother. 
 The same is true of alcohol ; but the delicate or- 
 ganism of the infant is far more susceptible to 
 its poisonous influence than is the mother's sys- 
 tem. Beginning life under such a regimen, is it 
 any wonder that so large a number of young 
 men, and young women also, develop into drunk- 
 ards ? Such a result is only the fruit of the seeds 
 sown in earliest infancy. The ancient Romans 
 were so well aware of this fact that the use of 
 alcoholic drinks was by law prohibited to a Ro- 
 man mother while an infant was dependent upon 
 her for food."
 
 CHAPTER IX 
 Personal Habits in Relation to Marriage 
 
 WHILE there is a growing willingness in 
 this country to accept the conclusions 
 of science to the harmfulness of alcoholic stimu- 
 lation, there seems to be growing also a complete 
 unwilingness to accept the same judgment in re- 
 gard to th euse of tobacco. 
 
 It is not strange that, with woman's increasing 
 freedom, there should come a greater reluctance 
 to limit her actions by what has hitherto been 
 considered "proper" or "improper" for her. She 
 feels that she is a human being and, if it is right 
 for a masculine human being to indulge in this 
 habit, it is equally right for his feminine counter- 
 part to do the same. In this position she is funda- 
 mentally correct. If it were right for man to 
 allow himself this form of self-indulgence, it 
 would be equally right for her. 
 
 Viewed from the standpoint of the effect of 
 this habit upon his own constitution and upon 
 the inheritance of his children, however, it is not 
 right for him. Therefore, it cannot be consid- 
 ered right for her. Moreover, she is responsible 
 not only for the inheritance of her children, but 
 for the conditions under which they pass the nine 
 months of their prenatal life ; also, when she per- 
 forms the mother's full function, she is respon- 
 sible for the condition of the food received by the 
 
 44
 
 PERSONAL HABITS 
 
 child during the first nine months of its separate 
 existence. Therefore, as her responsibility is 
 greater, so is her duty in this matter greater. 
 
 One of the arguments which should have the 
 greatest weight with men in considering this 
 question is the fact that tobacco-using is a very 
 common cause of impotence. The effect of this 
 poison is not so immediate as that of some others, 
 but, in the long run, it has a most depressing 
 effect upon the procreative function. So well is 
 this understood by the medical profession that it 
 is used definitely for the purpose of allaying the 
 sexual desire. The man who prizes his virility, 
 therefore, will not allow himself to form a habit 
 which will bring to his system the inevitable de- 
 structive effect of this alkaloid poison. 
 
 It would not be fair for us to consider simply 
 those poisons which men are most apt to take 
 into their systems, and neglect the ones which 
 women are most inclined to indulge in. 
 
 Tea and coffee are not ordinarily considered 
 poisons, yet their effect is unquestionably poison- 
 ous. It is only recently that the morbid effects 
 of these beverages have been sufficiently well 
 studied to secure the recognition of the fact that 
 they produce a distinct class of such symptoms. 
 
 Says Dr. B. W. Richardson: "The symptoms 
 which indicate the injurious action of this form 
 of drink (tea) are sufficiently characteristic. 
 They are intensely severe headaches, constipa- 
 tion of the bowels with what is usually consid- 
 ered to be deficiency of bilious secretion, flatu- 
 
 45
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 lency, unsteadiness and feebleness of muscular 
 power, and not infrequently a lowness of spirit 
 amounting to hypochondriacal despondency. In 
 poverty-stricken districts amongst the women 
 who take tea at every meal, this extremely ner- 
 vous semi-hysterical condition from the action 
 of tea is universal. The flatulency induced by 
 tea taken late in the evening, has the effect of in- 
 terfering with the processes of sleep, it prevents 
 or disturbs sleep by dreams and muscular start- 
 ings, and is a common cause of that peculiarly 
 painful symptom known as nightmare. Coffee, 
 like tea, induces dyspepsia, and perhaps with 
 even more activity than tea it keeps the brain 
 awake when that wearied organ ought, accord- 
 ing to nature, to be asleep." 
 
 I have suggested elsewhere that the drinking 
 of tea and coffee in unlimited quantities on the 
 part of women probably has a great deal to do 
 with the prevalence of what is called frigidity in 
 women, due to the health-destroying effect of 
 theine or caffein, either of which must Have an 
 effect upon the reproductive system, as have 
 other drugs. 
 
 The use of bromides must also be condemned. 
 It is undisputed that they are sexually depress- 
 ing. They paralyze and destroy the sex function. 
 The safest plan is not only to avoid the more 
 powerful drugs and poisons, but to steer clear 
 even of the milder stimulants and narcotics. 
 
 46
 
 CHAPTER X 
 Why Think About Marriage? 
 
 A DOLESCENCE is the term applied to that 
 ** period of life which extends between child- 
 hood and maturity. It might very well be called 
 the mating period, because it is during these 
 years that the interest of each sex in the other 
 is intensified, and they are drawn together until, 
 in the majority of instances, each finds his or her 
 mate, and marriage ensues. Normally, this in- 
 tensified interest in the opposite sex should not 
 manifest itself to any degree before eighteen or 
 twenty years of age. But so unnatural are the 
 conditions under which the majority of people 
 are living at the present time, that boys and girls 
 in their early teens often get the notion that they 
 are in love with each other. 
 
 Without doubt, this condition of affairs has 
 been largely brought about through the unwise 
 suggestions of the adults. Even in childhood 
 parents will suggest that the little boy and girl 
 
 perhaps four or five years of age who delight 
 in playing together, are "lover" and "sweet- 
 heart." And so, from early youth, the impres- 
 sion is made upon the plastic little minds that 
 boys and girls must always associate upon this 
 basis of a sentimental relationship. The result 
 is most unfortunate. The children lose the bene- 
 
 47
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 fit of a healthful comradeship during the prac- 
 tically sexless years of childhood, and they de- 
 velop a premature sex interest in each other, 
 which may have very serious consequences. If 
 nothing worse happens, the boy and girl at four- 
 teen or fifteen years of age are likely to think 
 that they are madly in love with each other, and 
 so we have these startling elopements and child 
 marriages; or, if the course of love fails to run 
 smoothly, the tragedy of a child suicide because 
 of unrequited love ! 
 
 There is no doubt that the greater part of all 
 this unhappiness could be avoided if adults would 
 cease to treat love and marriage as a subject of 
 jesting, and be willing to speak of it in all serious- 
 ness whenever the children indicate a desire for 
 information upon this all-important subject. 
 
 The little children take it for granted that they 
 are to reproduce in their lives the lives of their 
 parents. The little girls play with their dolls 
 and talk about what they are going to do when 
 they have children of their own. The little boys 
 plan also for the future and talk about what they 
 are going to do for their little boys. The way is 
 open, in the very earliest years of life, for par- 
 ents to make a deep impression upon the minds 
 of their little ones as to the sacredness of mar- 
 riag and the responsibilities which it entails. Such 
 instruction given in the early years would safe- 
 guard the young people when the turbulent pe- 
 riod of adolescence has been reached. 
 
 It will very often be found that under normal 
 
 48
 
 WHY THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE? 
 
 conditions the girl in her early teens, while she 
 perceives the question of marriage arising upon 
 her horizon, will nevertheless feel a disinclina- 
 tion for the marriage state. This is not to be 
 wondered at. She is still a child, with the child's 
 love of freedom from responsibilities, and it is 
 just as well to encourage in her, for the time 
 being, the feeling that she does not wish to assume 
 any added burdens, knowing that in all proba- 
 bility this attitude of mind is a temporary one, 
 and will pass away with the passing of the years. 
 
 The girl at sixteen or eighteen years of age, 
 however, begins to come more definitely under 
 the sway of romance. She dreams of a possible 
 lover, but her mind goes no further. She does 
 not care as yet to dwell upon the possible conse- 
 quences of his actually coming into her life. 
 
 The girl of eighteen or twenty should normally 
 be ready to begin to think seriously and definitely 
 of marriage, with all that it may mean. Many 
 girls, however, prefer to dwell a little longer in 
 the atmosphere of romance, and so they may feel 
 moved to ask the question, "Why think about 
 marriage? Why not let me dream a little longer? 
 It is so beautiful here in the land of romance, and 
 there are no sharp corners or ugly details to 
 obtrude themselves upon my notice." 
 
 Their reluctance to leave the realm of the ideal 
 is not difficult to understand ; they are incapable 
 of realizing the importance of having a clear 
 vision at this most critical period of their life. 
 But their eyes must be freed from the mists of 
 
 49
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 their dreams that they may perceive truly what 
 is round about them. 
 
 Many a young girl, still living in the land of 
 make-believe, invests some young man whom 
 she meets with all the glamor of that romantic 
 realm, and, marrying him while still under its 
 spell, awakens finally to find herself in the grasp 
 of a situation from which she cannot escape and 
 which promises to her only life-long unhappiness 
 and possible disaster. What would she not give 
 to be able to go back and, with clear vision, view 
 the question of marriage in its true light! 
 
 Girls must be willing to consider thoughtfully 
 the subject of marriage from all points of view, 
 if they would protect themselves from lifelong 
 regrets. It is not only the young man whom they 
 must study from the point of view of what mar- 
 riage really means, they must also study them- 
 selves. What will marriage mean to them? What 
 effect will it have upon their own development? 
 What is the reason for marriage, and what part 
 does it play in human life? 
 
 50
 
 CHAPTER XI 
 Marriage and its Alternatives 
 
 WE have already considered the meaning 
 of sex. We know that it is the prin- 
 ciple which divides humanity into two halves in 
 order that each may specialize along a certain 
 line. Marriage, therefore, is the means whereby 
 these two halves are conjoined for perfect func- 
 tioning. As has been said, sex is the great para- 
 dox, for it divides in order that it may unite. 
 
 One great purpose of this union is the continu- 
 ance of the life of the race upon the earth. There 
 is another great purpose, however, which must 
 not be overlooked, and that is the true complete- 
 ness of the lives of the two individuals concerned. 
 It is from both of these points of view that we 
 must consider marriage. But at this time we 
 will confine ourselves to the consideration of 
 marriage from the standpoint of the contracting 
 parties. 
 
 One of the greatest needs of the human soul 
 is a sympathetic companionship. The human 
 heart longs for some one who shall truly under- 
 stand its emotions and aspirations, and it requires 
 both sympathetic insight and intimate, lifelong 
 association to give this in its highest degree. 
 
 This is the treasure which two young people 
 set out to find when they enter the long road of 
 
 5 51
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 matrimony, and it is well worth their utmost en- 
 deavors. Moreover, it is only in marriage that 
 human beings can arrive at their highest develop- 
 ment and a complete unfoldment of their powers. 
 In the perfect union each brings to the other 
 those qualities in which he or she is most lacking, 
 and, bit by bit, draws out from the other the best 
 that lies hidden within him or her. Many 
 have commented upon the striking resemblance 
 that has often developed between a husband and 
 wife who have spent a lifetime in close associa- 
 tion, ancf this assimilation of opposite character- 
 istics must necessarily mean a more rounded de- 
 velopment of the individual. The bearing of 
 common burdens, the surmounting of the same 
 obstacles, the working toward the same aims, if 
 made in the same spirit, must contribute to their 
 united development. 
 
 Marriage is not a pastime. It is a great under- 
 taking, and calls for the exercise of the highest 
 qualities the individual possesses to bring it to 
 a successful completion. For this reason, it is 
 well to think of marriage long years before en- 
 tering the state, in order that one may prepare 
 oneself in every possible way for success in 
 the great adventure. The young woman who 
 studies the married life of her friends and ac- 
 quaintances, in an effort to discover what makes 
 each a success or failure, will be in the way to 
 learn many valuable lessons. Even though she 
 may never marry, whatever she gains that would 
 help make a possible marriage more successful, 
 
 52
 
 ALTERNATIVES OF MARRIAGE 
 
 will also contribute to the rounding out of her 
 character. 
 
 It is well also for a young woman to bear in 
 mind the thought of the possibility of marriage 
 when choosing her friends. She may at first be 
 inclined to think that it doesn't really matter 
 what sort of young men she goes out with in 
 search of a good time; but when she once real- 
 izes that from among the young men whom she 
 meets every day will come, in all^probability, 
 the one whom she will choose to marry, she can 
 no longer look upon this matter of friends as a 
 negligible factor in her future happiness. If she 
 is wise, she will limit her circle of intimate friends 
 to those whom she feels are fit to make good 
 husbands and fathers. 
 
 It is because they are vitally interested in the 
 young men of today as their possible husbands, 
 and the fathers of their children, that the young 
 women of today have so deep a concern in mas- 
 culine habits and ways of living. Whatever mili- 
 tates against the physical, mental and moral in- 
 tegrity of the young manhood of the nation 
 should receive the outspoken condemnation of 
 the young womanhood of our land. It is in the 
 mating period that the young men are most easily 
 influenced by those whose approval they are so 
 eager to win. 
 
 The girl who has not thought seriously on the 
 subject of marriage for herself may make the 
 foolish mistake of allowing her time and atten- 
 tion to be monopolized by some young man 
 
 53
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 whom she would never think of marrying, but 
 who is able to give her "a good time." She does 
 not stop to realize that she is limiting her own 
 powers of choice by thus allowing all other young 
 men to be kept away ; and not until she has passed 
 the years of her greatest attractiveness, it may be, 
 does she wake up to the fact that her best oppor- 
 tunity for a successful marriage has passed. 
 
 There are several important questions to be 
 considered in connection with marriage. The 
 first of these is the economic question. The young 
 man who is physically ready to marry, has not, 
 in the majority of instances, reached that point 
 in his business career where he can command the 
 income which the young woman's father has 
 reached at the end of his years of struggle. The 
 girl is in danger of thinking that she should start 
 her married life at the point to which her parents 
 have attained, and so she may feel it necessary 
 either to refuse the young man whom she really 
 loves, because he isn't making enough money, 
 or else to urge an indefinite postponement. 
 These are both serious mistakes for her to make. 
 She may flatter herself that her action is simply 
 the expression of a commendable prudence, but 
 closer analysis of her own heart will show her 
 that the real reason is cowardice on her part. 
 She is afraid to face the hard realities of life, as 
 her mother probably faced them before her. She 
 wants to live a cushioned existence. She is not 
 brave enough to get out into the daily struggle 
 and do her share of the work of the world. In 
 
 54
 
 ALTERNATIVES OF MARRIAGE 
 
 modern phraseology, she is a slacker, and as such 
 she should be heartily ashamed of herself. What 
 are youth and health for, if not to glory in the 
 surmounting of obstacles? The harder the con- 
 flict, the greater the joy of victory. She will 
 be unworthy of the army of women who have 
 gone before her, and from whose primitive ef- 
 forts have sprung the civilization of today, if 
 she shirks her part in the great undertakings of 
 life. 
 
 This is a question that is certain to come very 
 closely home to the girls of our land when they 
 realize the necessity for strong enduring bodies. 
 For years following the world's war thousands 
 of young men will be in a more or less crippled 
 condition, physically or economically. Their gen- 
 eral health will be good, their stamina will have 
 been strengthened through the stress and strain 
 of war, and their characters purified in the fur- 
 nace of the great conflict, but they will be handi- 
 capped in the struggle for daily existence either 
 by some actual disability, or because they have 
 been expending their young energies on other 
 struggles than that of "making good" in the busi- 
 ness world. The crippled may feel that, being 
 only wrecks of humanity, as they might put it, 
 no girl would consider a life with them accept- 
 able. This will be the opportunity for our Amer- 
 ican girls to show the stuff of which they are 
 made. It will be their privilege to help carry the 
 burden of family support, and, as they feel their 
 powers develop under the strain, they will know 
 
 55
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 the joy that comes from exerting oneself to 
 the uttermost. It is only the brave who deserve 
 lifelong happiness, and our men who will have 
 suffered so much must not be counted out % of the 
 running. 
 
 Occasionally, however, young women have to 
 meet another type of man. This is the man who 
 urges a girl to enter into all the intimacies of the 
 marriage relation with him, while at the same 
 time he excuses himself from assuming its legal 
 obligations. In this instance, it is the man who 
 is the coward, and a coward of the most despica- 
 ble sort. He is deliberately planning to throw 
 all of the burdens of this relationship upon the 
 woman. He says he is not financially able to 
 support a wife and possible children. What, then, 
 does he ask of her? To support herself while 
 giving him her love and companionship, and, 
 should a child come into the world as the result 
 of their union, she is the one who cannot escape 
 from that responsibility, while he will slink away 
 to some safe spot where he can continue to make 
 life comfortable for himself! The pity is that 
 women are ever so blinded by their love and de- 
 sire for self-sacrifice that they will allow them- 
 selves to be thus defrauded of the care and pro- 
 tection which are their due. If they saw the man 
 in his true light of unmitigated selfishness, they 
 could only despise him; but, being blinded by 
 their own idealism, they may allow themselves 
 to be led into this unfair relationship. 
 
 56
 
 CHAPTER XII 
 When to Marry 
 
 EARLY marriages are generally considered 
 very advantageous for the young man. 
 
 It might be well for us to consider 
 whether the same holds true as regards the young 
 woman. 
 
 When the young man of twenty-one is urged 
 to marry and settle down, it is incumbent upon 
 us to realize that in all probability his wife will 
 be somewhere in the neighborhood of eighteen 
 years of age. She may be even younger than 
 that. Many a girl of sixteen feels that the young 
 man of twenty-one has inspired in her such a 
 love that she cannot live without him, and she 
 may, therefore, seriously consider marriage at 
 this early age. 
 
 Marriage before eighteen years of age in 
 women of today is considered premature, and 
 premature marriages are not advantageous, 
 either for the individual or for the race. 
 
 It must never be lost sight of that this question 
 is one to be considered from the standpoint of 
 possible children. This is one of the most vital 
 considerations, and it is a wonderful resolvent 
 of perplexities ; questions which might otherwise 
 remain obscure become as clear as day when 
 viewed in the light of the welfare of future gen- 
 erations. 
 
 57
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 It can readily be understood that at sixteen 
 years of age the individual is not mature enough 
 to give the best possible endowment to the chil- 
 dren, physically, mentally, or morally. More- 
 over, the organism is not developed enough to 
 resist well the strain made upon the system by 
 maternity. Therefore, as a rule, those who marry 
 so early in life are liable to age correspondingly 
 early. In races where child-marriages are the 
 rule, women of thirty-six are grandmothers and 
 are already bent and withered hence the lack 
 of vitality which is found in such races as the 
 Hindoos and other Asiatic peoples. 
 
 It is clear that maturity in the individual is de- 
 sirable before the burdens of parenthood are as- 
 sumed. When the individual may be considered 
 fully mature becomes, therefore, an important 
 question. 
 
 A girl is considered by many to be mature 
 enough for the responsibilities of married life 
 at eighteen years of age. Others again assert 
 that this desirable condition is not reached until 
 twenty or twenty-two years of age. There prob- 
 ably is a good deal of variation in individuals, and 
 the girl, therefore, must decide very largely for 
 herself. 
 
 It is not only a question of physical maturity. 
 The temperament of the individual must be taken 
 into account. If the girl of eighteen seems but 
 little more than a child in feeling, given up to 
 the pastimes of that period of life, and with very 
 little thought for the serious side of mature ex- 
 
 58
 
 WHEN TO MARRY 
 
 istence, the probability is she will be happier to 
 postpone her marriage for a few years longer. 
 One's sympathy goes out to those girl-wives, 
 forced to give up the pleasures of girlhood which 
 attract them so strongly for the cares and self- 
 sacrifice entailed by motherhood. They regret 
 the pleasures they are obliged to forego, and 
 hence fail to find the joys which are normally 
 found in motherhood. If they could have had 
 their freedom a little longer, until their natural 
 taste for parties and dances and more or less 
 frivolous entertainment was satisfied, they would 
 then have thrown themselves with a natural zest 
 into the life of a wife and mother, and found 
 therein an even greater satisfaction. 
 
 For the majority of girls, therefore, I would 
 say that even eighteen years of age is a little early 
 to enter matrimony. If, however, at that time 
 of her life, a girl finds her thoughts and feelings 
 all turning in the direction of the care of her 
 home, and devotion to a husband and children, 
 she need no longer hesitate to take the important 
 step. Without doubt she is ready and will find 
 her greatest satisfaction in that life. 
 
 Girls who have been out in the business world 
 from fourteen years of age, moreover, will prob- 
 ably look upon the care of a home and children 
 as a relief from the monotonous drudgery of their 
 previous existence, and for them marriage may 
 be the best thing possible. 
 
 As things are today, however, a great many 
 girls are still attending school at eighteen or even 
 
 59
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 twenty years of age, and feel that they have not 
 yet completed the work of building up and de- 
 veloping their own individualities. They feel, it 
 may be, that they will have more to offer hus- 
 band and children if they are allowed time to 
 develop themselves more fully, and in this they 
 are doubtless correct. 
 
 The woman who marries at, say twenty-two 
 or twenty-three years of age, can more under- 
 standingly enter into her husband's life and make 
 of herself a truer, more sympathetic comrade 
 than if she is an undeveloped girl, with no under- 
 standing of life's responsibilities. Then, too, she 
 has had a little time in which to long for a home 
 and children, and she will in all probability, more 
 fully appreciate them when they are vouchsafed 
 to her. She will also have the judgment requisite 
 for the proper care of herself and of those de- 
 pendent upon her, and the self-control neces- 
 sary to enable her to make her home a success, 
 and her children properly obedient. 
 
 It is not wise, however, for a girl to postpone 
 marriage too long merely because of possible 
 sacrifices which it may entail. She is no true 
 woman if she does not find her joy in going with- 
 out some personal gratification for the happiness 
 of those whom she loves, and she will lose some 
 of the sweetest experiences of life if she deter- 
 mines selfishly to wait until her husband can sur- 
 round her with all the ease and luxury which her 
 pleasure-loving soul may demand. 
 
 There are many advantages in marrying fairly 
 
 60
 
 WHEN TO MARRY 
 
 early in life. The superabundant vitality of 
 youth enables one to meet the hard knocks of 
 fate with a laugh, and to get pleasure of some 
 sort out of the most tragic situation. Where two 
 can laugh together they can defy the most stren- 
 uous circumstances. 
 
 Young parents get more pleasure from laugh- 
 ing and playing with their children, and, as these 
 fresh young lives spring up around them, the 
 parents find that they have attained to eternal 
 youth. As a family, they work and play an3 
 laugh and love together, and by the time the 
 parents have reached middle age, the children are 
 ready to assume all of the burdens. Having 
 played through their childhood and youth to- 
 gether, parents and children now enjoy the com- 
 radeship of maturity, and thus through a long 
 period of life enjoy the closest companionship. 
 With the prospect of such compensations, who 
 would fear to face the exigencies of life in the 
 buoyant period of youth? 
 
 It must not be forgotten, also, that childbirth 
 is easier in the earlier period of life than in the 
 later. The woman whose first child is born be- 
 tween her twentieth and twenty-fifth year will, 
 in all probability have a much easier time than 
 the woman whose first child comes between her 
 twenty-fifth and thirtieth year. Maternity 
 before the age of eighteen is also likely to be dif- 
 ficult. These facts would seem to indicate what 
 is the best period for woman to marry. 
 
 It may not be amiss for us to consider the ques- 
 
 61
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 tion of long or short engagements from the 
 woman's point of view. Too brief an engage- 
 ment does not allow enough opportunity for 
 mutual acquaintanceship. Upon meeting a man, 
 a girl may know that he is fascinatingly hand- 
 some. She may also discover that he is a thrilling 
 dancer. She may think that life with him would 
 be one long dream, but if within a few weeks 
 she marries him, she may discover that life has 
 become a hopelessly long nightmare. She might 
 better have taken a little time to discover whether 
 or not there were enduring qualities that would 
 stand the wear and tear of time. 
 
 On the other hand, too long an engagement is 
 not desirable. Young people sometimes tie 
 themselves up in this way years before they are 
 able to take up the responsibilities of marriage, 
 and in the end discover that they are fairly tired 
 of each other. Yet they have cut themselves off so 
 completely from other companionship, that there 
 appears to be nothing else in life for them but 
 either to go on making the best of a tiresome 
 matter, or to live a life of separate deprivation. 
 It would have been much wiser for them to have 
 remained free and independent until they were 
 prepared to take the next step within a reason- 
 ably short period of time, for the engaged state 
 makes great demands upon the individual, physi- 
 cally, temperamentally and financially. 
 
 If two young people are interested in each 
 other, but see no possibility of consummating 
 their union within a reasonably short period of 
 
 62
 
 WHEN TO MARRY 
 
 time, let them remain good friends but retain 
 their freedom, having faith that, if their attach- 
 ment is a real and lasting one, they will remain 
 true to each other without any pledge having 
 been made. If they do not remain true under 
 these circumstances, it must be taken as evidence 
 that they were not intended for each other, and 
 are, therefore, better apart. 
 
 63
 
 CHAPTER XIII 
 Should a Girl Marry From a Sense of Duty? 
 
 IN the days when women were looked upon as 
 mere chattels, owned outright, first by father 
 and later by husband, there would have been 
 but one answer to the question which heads this 
 chapter. A sense of duty was looked upon as 
 practically her only reason for marrying. She 
 was to marry the one whom her father chose, for 
 whatever reasons seemed sufficient to him; she 
 was not supposed to demur at his choice or to 
 bemoan her fate. 
 
 As the idea of individual liberty has taken hold 
 upon people's minds it has caused a change of 
 attitude toward this question of the marriage of 
 women. In this day and generation, no Ameri- 
 can father would think of commanding his 
 daughter to marry the man of his choice, al- 
 though without doubt there are instances in 
 which fathers have besought their daughters to 
 marry a certain man because it would be of assis- 
 tance to them. Sometimes the girl sees for her- 
 self the situation in which her parent may be 
 placed, and how her acceptance of a certain suitor 
 may seem to promise amelioration of an unfortu- 
 nate condition. So she may be tempted, out of 
 the goodness of her heart, to sacrifice herself and 
 her future upon the altar of duty. 
 
 There is a certain glamor about self-sacrifice 
 
 64
 
 MARRY FROM A SENSE OF DUTY? 
 
 which often makes it difficult for one who is con- 
 templating such a noble course of action to see 
 matters in their true light. It may seem heartless 
 for one to attempt to dispel so beautiful a dream, 
 and yet, as this is a world of hard fact, we attain 
 our true end and aim only through facing and ac- 
 knowledging the truth. 
 
 Let us consider this question for a woman first, 
 we will say, from the standpoint of honesty. We 
 will take it for granted that the man who has 
 asked for the young woman's hand honestly loves 
 her. He is seeking her happiness in his wish to 
 marry her, and he is taking it for granted that 
 if she says "Yes" it will mean a corresponding 
 feeling upon her part. Suppose she accepts his 
 proposal from a sense of duty. What does that 
 mean? It means that she has started out upon 
 the pathway of deception. If she does not tell 
 him in so many words that she loves him, she at 
 least allows him to think so, and, in the thought 
 of what her sacrifice is going to mean to the wel- 
 fare of others, she loses sight of what it may 
 mean to him. 
 
 He is offering her all that he has his love, 
 his name, his home, his future and all that it 
 contains. He is giving it whole-heartedly, trust- 
 ingly, holding back nothing. What is she doing? 
 She is giving him an acquiescence that is forced, 
 a love that is feigned, a body without a soul. She 
 gives him everything in name and nothing in re- 
 ality, and by s odoing she will gradually stifle 
 the very best that is in him. He gives all his soul 
 
 65
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 to her and receives nothing of any value in re- 
 turn. She applauds herself for her noble self- 
 sacrifice, never seeing that she is nothing but a 
 walking lie. 
 
 And what of the children that are born of such 
 a union? Defrauded of that happy harmony 
 which comes from the union of two souls that are 
 truly united in mutual love and esteem, they 
 come into the world at odds with themselves, and 
 with everyone about them. They may have 
 everything in the external world which riches can 
 afford, but they lack the very essence of life itself. 
 There may be no quarreling and bickering in 
 such a home, but oh! the cold heartlessness of it 
 all. 
 
 Think of the supreme selfishness of a woman 
 who would thus sacrifice a man's whole life for 
 the greater eae, or comfort, or happiness, of those 
 who belong to her! She thinks only of her own 
 share in the transaction and never of his. 
 
 Such a marriage is an unholy mockery, and the 
 woman who is responsible for it should hang her 
 head in shame. 
 
 Here, if anywhere, the poet's words are ever- 
 lastingly true : 
 
 "To thine own self be true, 
 And it must follow, as the night the day, 
 Thou canst not then be false to any man." 
 
 The same statements apply to any young 
 woman who contemplates marriage for financial 
 advantages alone. In both instances, the young 
 women are deliberately selling themselves for 
 
 *
 
 MARRY FRO MA SENSE OF DUTY? 
 
 what they can get in return. Such a transaction 
 should be beneath the consideration of any self- 
 respecting woman. 
 
 Sometimes a young woman, in the early ardor 
 of her adolescent years, may have bound herself 
 in an engagement to a young man whom she 
 finds later she does not truly love. With the old 
 ideas of honor, she may think it incumbent upon 
 her to keep her promise, no matter how her feel- 
 ings may have changed. Let her consider for a 
 moment, however, just what her actions will 
 mean. To fulfill her promise now that her heart 
 has changed, or has outgrown its former senti- 
 mental leanings, would be to act a falsehood. Let 
 her not think that this fact will remain forever 
 undisclosed. Actions speak louder than words, 
 and, without doubt, the time of revelation will 
 come when it is too late. Better a broken heart 
 for a few months in one's youth, than a lifelong 
 regret. The man himself will have cause to be 
 grateful to her if she has the courage at this time 
 to speak the truth, and bid him to seek elsewhere 
 for one who can love him as he deserves to be 
 loved. 
 
 It is no real kindness to marry a man who loves 
 you and thinks that you honestly return his love, 
 when your heart is already cold toward him. It 
 is simply cheating him, giving him a poor imita- 
 tion of the real thing which he proffers. No mat- 
 ter what her motives, the woman who allows her- 
 self such a course should be branded as a cheat 
 or a liar. 
 
 6 67
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 These are strong words, but when such priceless 
 possessions as love and truth and honor are at 
 stake, one cannot afford to be aught but out- 
 spoken and emphatic. 
 
 There is another point which must be taken 
 into consideration. The wife who does not love 
 her husband, as the years go by, and the loneli- 
 ness of her true heart life weighs upon her more 
 and more, stands in increasing danger of meet- 
 ing some day an individual who may touch her 
 slumbering emotions into life. Her condition is 
 then indeed pitiable. At last she sees that she 
 has sold her birthright for a mess of pottage. 
 She understands now for the first time what this 
 untrue relationship means. She may begin to 
 perceive how cruelly unkind she has been to her 
 husband through her mistaken idea of duty. 
 
 What, now, can she do ? At last she perceives 
 that she is living a lie, and yet so bound is she by 
 life's responsibilities that she dare not break 
 away. So long has dishonor clung to her that 
 whichever course she chooses must seem to be 
 tinged by it now. At last she sees that the time 
 to have acted was when the choice lay in her 
 hands. Had she then chosen to be true, her life 
 might have been built upon the solid foundation 
 of uprightness and sincerity. 
 
 For the sake of the man whom she is to marry, 
 and the children who may be born of the union, 
 no woman should enter the marriage state save 
 where her own heart points out the way. 
 
 68
 
 CHAPTER XIV 
 Love Making and its Dangers 
 
 WE have already considered the danger 
 that threatens the girl who allows her 
 men friends certain little liberties when they have 
 no serious intentions toward marriage. But there 
 are perils, too, in another sort of relation. Many 
 girls seem to have the feeling that, if a young 
 man honestly loves a girl and intends to marry 
 her, all possibility of danger is passed. This, 
 however, is very far from being the case, and 
 every young woman should understand this fact 
 from the very beginning. 
 
 In the first place, we must remember that en- 
 gagements are not unbreakable. Too many, girls 
 have forgotten that important consideration. 
 They think because a man has placed a ring upon 
 their engagement finger that, therefore, he is prac- 
 tically bound to them for life, and they may allow 
 themselves to go to lengths which they will 
 keenly regret when he has proven to them by his 
 failure to keep his promise, the frailty of the tie 
 between them. 
 
 It would be well if every young woman would 
 look upon the period of engagement as a time of 
 testing. It is her opportunity to test the depth 
 and intensity of her love for the young man, and 
 also his sincerity and trustworthiness. The 
 
 69
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 couple are making an experiment together. They 
 are going to advance into an intimate revelation 
 of their innermost thoughts and feelings in the 
 hope and expectation that these will draw them 
 into a permanent relationship. 
 
 It may not do so, however. They may discover, 
 as they become better acquainted with their real 
 selves, that they are not so well suited to a life- 
 long companionship as they had imagined. If 
 such a discovery results, they should have the 
 courage to acknowledge their mistake and to 
 withdraw from the contract. Well for the girl, 
 then, if she has not memories from which she 
 shrinks. 
 
 The greatest danger in the engagement period 
 comes from the intimacies of love-making. Be- 
 cause she believes this young man's intentions 
 toward her are honorable, and that she can trust 
 him absolutely, the girl is tempted to follow her 
 own impulses without restraint. 
 
 Every girl should understand that her natural 
 instinct would lead her to give herself completely 
 where her deepest feelings of love have been 
 touched. This is the definite impulse implanted 
 within womankind, to make them willing to un- 
 dergo the pains and burdens and self-sacrifices 
 entailed by motherhood. Being given for this 
 altruistic purpose, however, it should not be fol- 
 lowed blindly from motives of selfish gratifica- 
 tion. 
 
 Woman has no right to give herself until she 
 has insured the safety and well-being of those 
 
 70
 
 DANGERS OF LOVE MAKING 
 
 human souls which may be called into existence 
 through her gift. 
 
 It is not mere conventionality which says that 
 woman should maintain a certain amount of re- 
 serve in her associations with men, even with 
 those who are nearest and dearest to her. It is a 
 result of the experience of the race. Whatever 
 tends to deepen man's reverence for womanhood, 
 strengthens his powers of self-control and self- 
 restraint. He needs every bit of assistance which 
 can come to him from woman's moral support, 
 and this she exercises through her womanly re- 
 serve, her purity, her delicacy of thought. 
 
 As upon woman has been placed the heavier 
 physical burden in caring for the life of the race, 
 so upon her shoulders rests the heavier moral 
 burden. She it is in whom was first developed the 
 sense of racial responsibility, because she could 
 not, by any possibility, escape from her charge. 
 She was bound in the fetters of motherhood, and 
 she perforce learned her great lesson of maternal 
 care through the experience of her own physical 
 change. From all of this man was able to escape, 
 and, as a result, the development of the paternal 
 instinct has been very much slower. 
 
 It is for this reason that the moral responsibil- 
 ity in these matters rests so heavily upon the 
 woman. She it is who must always consider the 
 welfare of her possible children, and must make 
 that consideration paramount. She has no right 
 'to think only of her own wishes and desires. 
 
 The impulse to give herself is an expression of 
 
 71
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 the highest generosity. In reality, however, she 
 has no right to think only of her own wishes and 
 desires. 
 
 The dangers of love-making are generally 
 greater when the engagement is a long one. 
 When the young man first learns that his love is 
 returned and is accorded the lover's privilege, 
 he finds complete satisfaction in the new wonder 
 of being allowed to kiss her hands and her lips. 
 There comes a time, however, when these privi- 
 leges lose the glamour of their newness, if the 
 engagement is long continued, and there is then 
 the temptation to attempt to revive the thrills of 
 the first weeks of courtship. It is without doubt, 
 in some such way as this that the desire for 
 greater intimacies is aroused ; and too often, car- 
 ried away by the wish to meet every demand of 
 her lover, the girl silences the inward monitor 
 which would keep her within the path of safety, 
 and ventures into the danger zone. 
 
 It is a strange thing, but experience has repeat- 
 edly proven that a man's regard is very apt to 
 change as soon as he feels that he has entire pos- 
 session of the one whose favor he has so eagerly 
 sought. Man does not really desire an easy con- 
 quest; and too often, when he has found his 
 power supreme, he turns away to pursue another 
 who is, as yet, beyond his grasp. Thus, through 
 bitter experience, many a girl learns that she has 
 made a fatal mistake by being too yielding. 
 
 The period of courtship is the time when 
 Avoman has her opportunity to impress upon man 
 
 72
 
 DANGERS OF LOVE MAKING 
 
 the great lesson of reverence for womanhood. 
 She should respect herself and her potential pow- 
 ers of motherhood so greatly that she will call 
 forth from him an involuntary reverence. 
 
 The true relationship between men and women 
 was well symbolized in the age of chivalry by the 
 devotion which the knight paid to his lady. Its 
 form of expression may seem to us sometimes 
 exaggerated, but it nevertheless was true to an 
 eternal reality. It is only as woman is worthy 
 of this regard, however, that she can call it forth. 
 If she allows too great an intimacy with her lover 
 before she has safeguarded the welfare of her 
 possible children, she proves herself unworthy of 
 his high regard for her. 
 
 It is not meant to suggest here that the man is, 
 under these circumstances, free from blame. He 
 proves himself a dastard if he leaves the girl un- 
 der such circumstances. He has shown that he 
 loved not her but himself, because he has sought 
 only his own selfish gratification without any con- 
 sideration of what the consequences would be to 
 her or to their possible offspring. He has sacri- 
 ficed her good name, her self-respect, her happi- 
 ness and the welfare of his own children to his 
 selfish desires. He claimed to be her lover and her 
 protector ; he has proven to be a lover of himself, 
 and her exploiter. He is to blame for her undoing, 
 and if he does not stand by her and his promise 
 to her, he is unworthy of the name of a man, for 
 he has been false to his responsibility as father of 
 the race. 
 
 73
 
 CHAPTER XV 
 The Girl Who Has Made a Mistake 
 
 WHATEVER may have been the attitude 
 of society in the past toward the woman 
 who had made a moral misstep, today we no 
 longer look upon her as totally different from all 
 other human beings. Her error was a grievous 
 one, but it has not necessarily ended her life as 
 an individual. It is not necessary for her to feel 
 that she has no right to a husband and a home of 
 her own. She may even make the mistake of her 
 youth a part of her own spiritual unfoldment 
 and a means of becoming a more sympathetic, 
 helpful member of the community. With the 
 remembrance of her own weakness in the back- 
 ground of her consciousness, she is able to enter 
 into the temptations of others, to strengthen 
 them for resistance and for the ultimate mastery 
 of untoward circumstances. Thus she may be- 
 come a real source of moral strength in the com- 
 munity. 
 
 With this belief in the power of human nature 
 to rise above its own weaknesses and to turn 
 them into sources of strength, we do not con- 
 sider it amiss to speak of the possibility of mar- 
 riage for one who has learned the bitter lesson 
 of the unsatisfactoriness of wrong-doing. 
 
 Many times the very qualities which render 
 such a girl attractive to the man who brings 
 about her ruin, are the qualities which will make 
 
 74
 
 SHE WHO HAS MADE A MISTAKE 
 
 her most successful as a wife. She is loving, 
 demonstrative, clinging, easily influenced, and 
 so she falls an easy victim to her seducer. Had 
 she fallen into the hands of the right kind of 
 man, she would have made him a docile, respon- 
 sive, thoughtful, loving wife. Having learned 
 through bitter experience the necessity of guard- 
 ing herself from the approaches of the con- 
 scienceless man, she is equipped to maintain her 
 own moral integrity, while she is just as fitted 
 to make a success of herself in the home as she 
 was before this hard lesson came to her. 
 
 The girl who has returned to the life of moral 
 rectitude has a right to look forward to the ordi- 
 nary joys of womanhood, but she is, of course, 
 face to face with the question as to whether or 
 not it is fair and just for her to accept a proposal 
 of marriage from one who is unaware of her pre- 
 vious sad experience. The question that springs 
 spontaneously to the lips of the young girl who 
 is trying to make good, and who finds herself the 
 recipient of a man's honest love, is, "Must I tell 
 him of my past experience?" 
 
 The question is, indeed, a difficult one, and 
 must be considered carefully from both sides. 
 Then each individual must decide her own course 
 of action for herself. 
 
 In the first place, there is, of course, the danger 
 that if the man has had no suspicion of the girl's 
 past history it may come to him with such a shock 
 that he will turn from her and desire to have 
 nothing more to do with her. She runs that risk, 
 
 75
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 of course, in confessing to him her past. Should 
 her story meet with this sort of reception, how- 
 ever, she may console herself with the thought 
 that by so doing he has proven himself not 
 worthy of the deepest love which she had to be- 
 stow. It has not been considered too much to ask 
 of women in the past that they should spread 
 the cloak of charity over the misdoings of their 
 lovers in the wild years of their youth. It would 
 seem as though it might be possible for men to 
 exercise a corresponding generosity, especially 
 where, as in the majority of instances, the girl 
 'has been very largely but little more than a weak 
 and innocent victim. It speaks well for the de- 
 velopment of the human race that there is an 
 increasing number of men today who are willing 
 to overlook the past, feeling confident that the 
 bitter lesson has been learned, and resting secure 
 in the knowledge that their love and strength 
 will bring to the yearning feminine nature the 
 satisfaction and the support which it needs to 
 render life both happy and secure. Instead of 
 regarding her story as the possible cause of a 
 great disappointment to her, she should look 
 upon it as a great test of the sincerity of the 
 man's devotion, and so she will not be afraid to 
 apply it. 
 
 Moreover, if her lover leaves her at this time, 
 she must realize that he has but left the way 
 open for a more worthy man to find his way into 
 her heart, and so she need not give way to de : 
 spair. 
 
 76
 
 SHE WHO HAS MADE A MISTAKE 
 
 A much more serious situation, however, devel- 
 ops when a man thinks that he will be able to 
 overlook the past actions of his wife, but later 
 on finds that the knowledge of them has poisoned 
 his mental attitude toward her, so that eventually 
 he may descend to such depths as to "throw her 
 past into her face," as the saying goes. This is, 
 indeed, a tragic situation, and should be avoided 
 in every possible way. If, after telling her story, 
 the young woman observes the slightest reluc- 
 tance on the part of the man to renew his pro- 
 posal of marriage to her, let her not hesitate to 
 take drastic action herself at once. She may be 
 tempted to endeavor to rekindle his ardor, and 
 she may succeed temporarily in doing so, but in 
 this she has made a great mistake. Unless he is 
 ready, whole-heartedly and with reassuring 
 warmth, to repeat his protestations of a love 
 which persists in spite of all that she has told 
 him, let her not hesitate to cut off at once all con- 
 nection between them. By so doing she will save 
 herself much possible unhappiness in the future. 
 
 These two contingencies she may avoid by 
 keeping her story to herself, and this course of 
 action, it goes without saying, is open to her. 
 There is one important thing which she must 
 take into account, however, if she decides to keep 
 her lips sealed. That serious consideration is 
 the possibility, one might almost say the proba- 
 bility, that at some time in the future her story 
 may come to her husband's ears from some other 
 source. Its importance, then, will be unduly en- 
 
 77
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 hanced by the mere circumstance of her long- 
 continued silence. The very fact that she con- 
 sidered it necessary to keep this thing secret and 
 away from his knowledge may make him feel, 
 in the first place, that it was much more her fault 
 than it may really have been, or in the second 
 place, that she does not love him as she has pre- 
 tended to do. 
 
 It is quite true that "perfect love casteth out 
 fear." If she had felt, at the very-beginning, that 
 her love for him was so great that she could not 
 bear to deceive him in any particular, and had 
 had such confidence in the greatness of his love 
 that she could trust him to forgive, she would 
 not have hesitated to disclose to him all of the 
 past. This it is which he will feel when the knowl- 
 edge comes to him from some other source, and 
 this will be the greatest factor in the situation 
 as it then develops. To confess all to a lover 
 in the ardent period of courtship is to appeal to 
 the very best in a man's nature, by thus throw- 
 ing oneself upon his mercy, and he will, in all 
 probability, rise to the occasion in a most gen- 
 erous and gratifying manner. Having agreed to- 
 gether to put all of the past behind them, there 
 will be no overshadowing fear to threaten its 
 disrupting effect upon their united love. 
 
 In concealment there is the danger, also, that 
 the knowledge that she is concealing something 
 from her husband will tend to act as a continual 
 barrier between the two, and for this reason it 
 would seem wisest for the girl who has made a 
 
 78
 
 SHE WHO HAS MADE A MISTAKE 
 
 misstep to confess it at the very beginning, and 
 thus establish their united life upon the only sure 
 foundation, that of mutual confidence and mu- 
 tual faith. 
 
 The man who would take advantage of such 
 confidence in later years to twit his wife with 
 her previous indiscretion is too dastardly an in- 
 dividual to call for consideration. It is only nec- 
 essary once more to urge the girl not to make the 
 mistake of accepting a reluctant husband. If the 
 young woman will follow her own instincts, in 
 the majority of instances she will know which 
 course to pursue. It is certain that true love will 
 wipe out all remembrance of such errors. 
 
 79
 
 CHAPTER XVI 
 True Love and its Expression 
 
 WE use the word love to indicate various 
 degrees of feeling. Probably we would 
 do clearer thinking upon some subjects if we 
 had a more definite idea of what love is, in con- 
 tradistinction to liking, affection and passion. 
 
 When we feel the first faint drawings of attrac- 
 tion, we may well say that we like a person. It 
 seems to us that this individual is going to prove 
 agreeable to us. This liking may develop into 
 affection ; it may develop into love. 
 
 Affection is a word rather difficult to define, 
 although the majority of us are so familiar with 
 it that it is easily recognized by us. We have an 
 affection for those who belong to us, those whose 
 personalities have grown familiar to us through 
 long years of association. It is calm, steady, burn- 
 ing with a clear flame, but never flaring up into 
 a sudden intensity. It is a steadfast feeling, the 
 product of time, and, therefore, able to withstand 
 the assaults of time. 
 
 When passion is spoken of, we are apt to think 
 of it as an overwhelming physical impulse, losing 
 sight, it may be, of its higher forms of expression. 
 Not only is there the passion of a man for a maid ; 
 there is also the passion of the patriot who throws 
 his life with the fervor of devotion into the serv- 
 ice of his country ; and the passion of the martyr 
 
 80
 
 EXPRESSION OF TRUE LOVE 
 
 and the saint, whose consciousness of self is 
 burned away by the flame of his devotion to a 
 religious ideal. 
 
 The essense of passion would seem to be inten- 
 sity of feeling. For this reason, passion cannot 
 be expected to be enduring. It is not possible 
 to keep the human soul at white heat all of the 
 time. Its elements may be present at all times, 
 but only on rare occasions do they fuse and give 
 forth the intensity of ardor which they are capa- 
 ble of producing. 
 
 What is love? It combines the gentle attrac- 
 tion of liking and the steadfast calmness of affec- 
 tion, with frequent intensity of passion, and 
 raises them all to the highest plane of dedication 
 to another's welfare and happiness. 
 
 Much that is called love is not worthy of that 
 name. True love is essentially unselfish, and it 
 is by this touchstone that we may test and dis- 
 cover whether or not that which is offered to us 
 is genuine or spurious. 
 
 With this differentiation in mind, we would not 
 call the attraction which children feel for each 
 other, love ; it is simply liking, or, if their friend- 
 ship endures, it becomes affection. 
 
 The friendships of children are a valuable part 
 of their life training and should be encouraged, 
 but never should the suggestion be made to these 
 youthful comrades that theirs is a relationship 
 which bears in it any of the elements of sex| 
 The children should be allowed to associate to- 
 gether in all of the self-unconsciousness natural 
 
 81
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 to their period of life. It is very advantageous 
 for boys and girls to play together freely, and 
 so lay the foundation for a thorough understand- 
 ing of each other in their later development. 
 
 With the beginning of the adolescent period, 
 there comes an increasing intensity in the emo- 
 tions which may cause the developing boy and 
 girl to think that they are in love with each other. 
 It is not advisable to laugh at them for their early 
 sentimentality, which is sometimes called "puppy 
 love." Rather would it be advisable for older 
 friends and guardians to accept the expression 
 of extreme admiration in a very matter-of-fact 
 way, admitting that the individual in question is 
 most attractive, and that it is not strange that 
 the two have formed a very agreeable friendship. 
 By consistently holding up the ideal of friend- 
 ship before their eyes, one may be able to pre- 
 serve for them a beautiful relationship, and may 
 thus enable them to avoid some of the pitfalls of 
 the adolescent period. 
 
 It is quite natural for young people who feel 
 these new emotions stirring within them to give 
 expression to them. Especially will this be the 
 case if they have received no instruction which 
 would enable them to understand the real mean- 
 ing of this novel experience. This, I verily be- 
 lieve, is the explanation of that form of familiar- 
 ity known as spooning, which takes place among 
 so many adolescent boys and girls. 
 
 This question of spooning really becomes quite 
 a problem in the lives of many young girls. They 
 
 82
 
 LOVE AND ITS EXPRESSION 
 
 are going out into social life for the first time by 
 themselves. They know, it may be, very little of 
 social customs ; they find that their older compan- 
 ions are indulging in so-called innocent forms of 
 physical familiarity, and they timidly accept the 
 standards of conduct which they see round about 
 them. 
 
 If they are a little hesitant, they are informed 
 by the boys that all girls allow these things, and 
 they are given to understand that they cannot 
 hope to be very popular if they insist upon re- 
 fusing these privileges to their escorts and male 
 companions. They are told that there is no harm 
 in these things, because no harm is intended. It 
 would not be strange if their own feelings in- 
 clined them more or less in the direction they are 
 urged to take, and so we find today that a great 
 many young people have allowed themselves to 
 drift into relationships which are anything but 
 healthful. 
 
 The consideration of this subject is apropos 
 at just this point, because sometimes young peo- 
 ple enter into what they acknowledge to each 
 other as a temporary engagement, simply in or- 
 der that they may feel free to indulge in as much 
 of this kind of love-making as they care for. 
 They think, by thus satisfying Old Mother 
 Grundy, as they would doubtless characterize the 
 conventional requirements, they have escaped all 
 rightful censure. They have not escaped, how- 
 ever, the real consequences of their own acts. 
 These results are to be found in themselves. 
 
 7 83
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 In the first place, they are taking a very light 
 and trivial attitude toward that most serious 
 phase of life, love and marriage. They are mak- 
 ing common that which should be sacred. They 
 are defrauding those whom later on they will 
 choose to marry of much that is choice, and of 
 rare and delicate beauty, in the relationship of 
 two who have entered upon a lifelong compan- 
 ionship. 
 
 There are, of course, other possible dangers. 
 Two young people who have entered into this 
 sort of relationship are not striving to find the 
 mental and spiritual qualities in each other which 
 will bring lasting delight. They are looking only 
 for the physical thrill which they derive from 
 their association together. They are, therefore, 
 meeting each other upon the lower, rather than 
 upon the higher plane of their being. There is 
 danger that the result may be disastrous for them 
 both. The clasped hands, the arm about the waist, 
 the good-night kiss, seem to be little things in 
 themselves, but they are liable at any moment 
 to stir into activity the strongest impulses that 
 dominate the human being. 
 
 The instinct to perpetuate the life of the race 
 has necessarily been made even stronger than 
 the instinct to preserve the life of the individual, 
 for the former goes directly contrary to the lat- 
 ter. We give up life when we bestow life, and 
 it is for this reason that the racial impulse must 
 be made so dominating. 
 
 Girls have asked often what it was they had 
 
 84
 
 LOVE AND ITS EXPRESSION 
 
 to fear in their relationship with young men. 
 They seem to think that if they could know in 
 detail the very act which would deprive them of 
 their virginity, they could, therefore, defend 
 themselves successfully in their time of danger. 
 
 The truth of the matter is that the only time 
 a girl can be absolutely sure of protecting her- 
 self is before any of these intimacies have been 
 allowed. She is in complete command of the 
 situation at that time. After the first step has 
 been taken, however, she can never be sure that 
 the moment will not come when the passions 
 which have been aroused in both through their 
 undue intimacy shall sweep them on, regardless 
 of consequences, to their own tragic undoing. 
 
 These facts must be borne in mind, also, by 
 young people who are honestly engaged and 
 looking forward to marriage as soon as circum- 
 stances will permit. They, also, cannot afford to 
 indulge in too ardent embraces. It is not well 
 to stir their feelings to the depths and produce 
 in each other the white heat of passion before 
 their union has been legalized by the community 
 or sanctified by the Church. 
 
 It is most unfortunate when young people 
 allow themselves to be so indiscreet as to enter 
 into the intimacies of marriage before they have 
 conformed to the requirements of law and cus- 
 tom. 
 
 /For the woman, it will probably mean lifelong 
 regret, for, strive as she may, she never can re- 
 gain the self-respect which was once hers. Her 
 
 85
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 husband may never be so much of a cad as to 
 taunt her with her inability to resist the pleadings 
 that led her into temptation, but she will always 
 have the feeling that the thought must be there 
 in his mind. Then, too, she will always be afraid 
 that some one may discover the fact, and if a 
 little one has been conceived, there is always 
 danger of that discovery being made. 
 
 For her peace of mind, therefore, for the wel- 
 fare of possible children and for the good of her 
 husband, she should hold firm to the ideals that 
 she was taught at her mother's knee. Moreover, 
 let her remember that the man who urges the 
 woman he claims to love to give herself to him 
 before he has shown his worthiness of that gift 
 by assuring her the protection of marriage proves 
 that he loves, not her, but himself. He is seeking 
 his own personal gratification, and is not pausing 
 to consider what the sacrifice which he demands 
 may mean to her. 
 
 If every girl under these circumstances could 
 read her lover aright by his words and acts, and so 
 perceive the colossal selfishness that actuates him, 
 the glamour of romance would be dispelled in the 
 glaring light of reason. She would have no dif- 
 ficulty then in resisting his advances, for her own 
 perception of the falsity of his plea of love would 
 kill within her all impulse toward self-giving. 
 
 Let the two who are looking forward to a life- 
 time together take this period of courtship as an 
 occasion for discovering in each other those last- 
 ing qualities in which they may always expect 
 
 86
 
 LOVE AND ITS EXPRESSION 
 
 to find pleasure. There is no danger in such asso- 
 ciation, however intimate it may be, but rather 
 does it promise greater hope of success in the 
 future. 
 
 It may help the young woman to maintain the 
 proper barrier of reserve between them to re- 
 member that one of the greatest charms of wom- 
 ankind is her mystery. So long as the young man 
 feels that he has not yet penetrated her nature 
 to the fullest degree he will ever be allured by 
 the charm of her personality. For this reason, 
 therefore, let her always keep something just out 
 of his reach. 
 
 Let her remember, also, that in their intimate 
 relationship it is she who should control. There 
 is a good reason for this, because upon her rests 
 the greater part of the burden of parenthood. 
 She is more keen to feel its responsibilities; her 
 physical impulses are not so suddenly over- 
 whelming as his, and she has, therefore, a better 
 opportunity to exercise her judgment and her 
 will power, which are strengthened by her sense 
 of racial responsibility. 
 
 It would be well for her also to realize that, as 
 I have said elsewhere: "The physiological results 
 of too ardent love-making in the way of bodily 
 harm are of special importance. Not only will 
 the misguided young people suffer from injury 
 to the emotions due to unsatisfied sexual excite- 
 ment, but they will have to contend with the 
 weakening effect of the congestion and inflam- 
 mation of the organs concerned, when passion 
 
 87
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 has been aroused, and then left ungratified. The 
 results are serious in many instances. As for 
 the young man, varicocele and more or less in- 
 flammation of the prostate gland naturally fol- 
 low congestion of the parts due to this practice. 
 When extended over a period of months or years, 
 it would tend to produce impotence or other sex- 
 ual weaknesses. To the young woman might 
 come a congestion of the parts which would oc- 
 casionally produce leucorrhea. and do not forget 
 that the emotion-strain involved in awakening 
 passion when it cannot be satisfied, is a powerful 
 factor in many cases in bringing on neurasthe- 
 nia." 
 
 The highest expressions of true love are not 
 found upon the physical plane. The sacrifice of 
 one's own desire for the sake of the welfare of 
 the beloved is the true expression of real and 
 abiding love.
 
 CHAPTER XVII 
 Dancing and Dress 
 
 THE poetry of motion, as dancing has been 
 aptly termed, meets one of the impera- 
 tive needs of the human being. Dancing, there- 
 fore, has always existed and always will exist. 
 There can be no question as to the benefit to be 
 derived from the right kind of dancing; yet we 
 must admit that there is a great deal of dancing 
 which cannot by any stretch of the imagination 
 be termed beneficial. There are many who, per- 
 ceiving only the harm that is done by the wrong 
 kind of dancing, condemn the art outright. They 
 fail, however, to take into account the need which 
 exists in every human being for complete self- 
 expression, of which rhythmic motion forms an 
 essential part. 
 
 Too much cannot be said in praise of such 
 forms of expression as the folk dances, which 
 can be indulged in out of doors in the bright sun- 
 shine, with the fresh, pure air blowing about 
 one, and the exhiliration of Nature to add to 
 the hilarity of the occasion. This sort of dancing 
 gives needed muscular activity, requires deep 
 breathing, and is productive of that lightness of 
 spirit which quickens the activity of the body 
 fully as much as the muscular efforts which are 
 put forth. If all of us could spend a little time 
 
 89
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 each day as long as the weather permitted, in 
 such outdoor activity, we would live longer and 
 be better men and women. 
 
 For this reason I would advocate that every 
 young woman should make herself familiar with 
 the folk dances of Russia and other lands, with 
 interpretive and barefoot dancing, learning them 
 not alone for her own sake but in order that later 
 on she may initiate her children early in life into 
 these poetical terpsichorian rites. Think of the 
 joy that the family will experience when, in some 
 fragrant dusk, they gather on the lawn and join 
 the night moths circling about the ghostlike flow- 
 ers that breathe forth their perfume on the eve- 
 ning air. Children love nothing so much as danc- 
 ing, and through this form of activity they may 
 be enabled to retain the grace which is natural to 
 childhood, but which is too often lost in later life. 
 Then, too, the more good times that father and 
 mother can have with the children, the closer and 
 more harmonious will the family life be. 
 
 This is a very different matter, as all will real- 
 ize, however, from the social dances which are 
 so apt to engage the attention of young people to 
 an absorbing degree. Here we have a number of 
 elements which are not desirable. The close, 
 stuffy rooms, the late hours, the unnatural man- 
 ner of dressing.and, too often, the suggestiveness 
 which is made an accompaniment of these dances, 
 all unite to make them detrimental rather than 
 beneficial. As a form of recreation they are a 
 failure, because they do not re-create the body. 
 
 90
 
 DANCING AND DRESS 
 
 They continue the destructive bodily processes to 
 a still greater degree, and become a potent means 
 of exhaustion. 
 
 To be sure, one could endure such drains upon 
 one's physical resources two or three times dur- 
 ing a season ; but as young people go into these 
 matters, it is more frequently two or three times 
 a week that they call upon their bodies to with- 
 stand this unnecessary strain. It is unfortunate 
 that we cannot learn early in life the increased 
 pleasure which comes through moderation. Too 
 often, however, we wear out our powers of en- 
 joyment through excessive indulgence in first 
 one form of pleasure and then another. 
 
 There are other harmful elements in the dance 
 besides those which come from too frequent and 
 prolonged indulgence in it. Anyone who 
 watches closely the modern dances must realize 
 that there is great opportunity for stimulating 
 feelings which are better left undisturbed. It is 
 possible, as has been repeatedly demonstrated, to 
 dance the latest dances in a very refined and beau- 
 tiful manner. Too often, however, we see in 
 the modern ballroom exhibitions which are start- 
 ling from the fact that they are given by young 
 people who presumably come from the best fami- 
 lies and have had every opportunity to develop 
 the higher social qualities of their natures, and 
 hence to subdue the purely physical side. 
 
 It may frequently happen that this is done un- 
 consciously by some who have thoughtlessly be- 
 gun to imitate some one whose dancing they 
 
 91
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 admire, but whose actions they fail to understand. 
 Young girls are most apt to be misled in this way. 
 They observe some older woman, who appears to 
 receive a great deal of admiration and attention 
 from the men, and feel that they might attract 
 more attention by adopting her seductive man- 
 ners. 
 
 This is a terrible mistake upon the part of a 
 young girl, for it may lead to a complete misun- 
 derstanding of her real nature by those who are 
 wiser in the ways of the world than she, and 
 expose her to treatment which otherwise she 
 would never have had to endure. Any man 
 worthy of the name will respect the innocence of 
 a charming young girl ; but when he sees actions 
 which to him indicate knowledge of those things 
 of which a young girl is supposed to be ignorant, 
 he may then feel justified in using his own arts 
 and wiles to their fullest extent, under the im- 
 pression that he is dealing with one who is as 
 fully awake upon these matters as he is himself. 
 
 A young girl cannot be too careful to deport 
 herself most circumspectly when dancing the 
 modern dances, and it is well for her to know 
 that she always has it in her power to exercise a 
 certain amount of control over those whom she 
 permits to be her partners. 
 
 If, for example, she finds herself dancing with 
 a young man whose manner of leading her, or of 
 performing the steps when dancing, does not 
 please her, it is always possible for her to say to 
 him, quite sweetly, "May we not sit out the rest 
 
 92
 
 DANCING AND DRESS 
 
 of this dance?" It is quite likely that he will 
 know intuitively why she has made this request. 
 His next invitation for a dance she can refuse; 
 or, if he insists and she thinks it right to give him 
 another chance, she may accept with the state- 
 ment that she will try him once more and see 
 whether his step suits hers. Men are not dull of 
 comprehension in these matters, and she will 
 soon establish a reputation for herself which will 
 protect her from all such experiences in the fu- 
 ture. 
 
 Young people who have entered upon their 
 married life together would do well to consider 
 just how much of their time and energy they wish 
 to spend in attending dances. If they are wise, 
 they will come to feel that life holds so much for 
 them in other ways that they cannot afford to 
 fritter away much of their time and energy in this 
 manner. The young man who is struggling to 
 climb the ladder of business success has very little 
 surplus strength to waste in dancing. The young 
 woman who has a family needs to be bright and 
 fresh each morning, in order to start things with 
 the right vibration. They will naturally find 
 themselves withdrawing more and more from 
 these night hours of dissipation, and enjoying 
 the more lasting happiness of companionship in 
 the home. 
 
 The young married woman who attends dances 
 has now a responsibility which was never hers 
 before. She is a young matron and, as such, will 
 be looked up to by the younger girls. She may 
 
 93
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 often be a great help to them. In the first place, 
 by setting them a wise example; in the second 
 place, by occasionally speaking a wise word of 
 enlightenment or of advice which may prove of 
 great benefit to some girl in need of a true friend. 
 
 Many girls enter social life at so early an age 
 that they are entirely unprotected by any under- 
 standing of social usage. They think they can 
 use their own eyes, and learn what is proper by 
 imitating those about them. If they happen to 
 be so fortunate as to choose the right one to imi- 
 tate, their experiment will be successful. But, as 
 they have few standards of comparison, they are 
 quite as likely as not to choose the wrong person 
 for their example. 
 
 The young matron should be on the lookout 
 for such cases as these. She should realize that 
 having found her life's happiness, she ought to 
 go to the evening function with the desire to help 
 others have a good time ; and she should especi- 
 ally wish to prove herself an older sister to these 
 younger, less experienced girls. She may see 
 some older man taking advantage of a girl's ex- 
 perience to put her in an unpleasantly conspicu- 
 ous light ; or she may see some silly young crea- 
 ture throwing herself at the head of some irre- 
 sponsive man. Let her not think that these mat- 
 ters do not concern her, but rather try to be a 
 wise guardian of these younger, less experienced 
 sisters of hers. 
 
 It may be she will be called upon at times to act 
 as chaperon. This may be a rather difficult posi- 
 
 94
 
 DANCING AND DRESS 
 
 tion for her to fill, because her youth will tempt 
 her to permit little indiscretions which it is her 
 place to hold in check. Realizing, however, that 
 she is being trusted by the mothers of these girls 
 to see that they live up to the standards of true 
 womanhood, she will be strong to stand for what 
 she knows is right. 
 
 Sometimes it is possible for a young married 
 woman to be a great help to the young men at 
 these dances. It is possible for her to speak much 
 more frankly to them than a young girl could do. 
 When she has as partner a man whose manner 
 seems to her unnecessarily suggestive of physical 
 things it is quite possible for her to say to him, *I 
 am not going to dance with you if you continue 
 your present method of dancing. I don't like it, 
 and I don't think it belongs in this ballroom. I 
 am saying this to you not so much for my own 
 sake as for the sake of the girls here with whom 
 you do most of your dancing. Don't you think 
 you owe it to them to make your dancing less 
 suggestive?" It will not be possible for him to 
 bluff his way out of it, as he could with the young 
 and supposedly unsophisticated girl. He will feel 
 that, without doubt, her husband has enlightened 
 her as to the things she should not allow in danc- 
 ing, and it may be that her brief words, kindly 
 spoken, will arouse his better nature and cause 
 him to make a radical change in his manner. 
 
 Of course, husband and wife are not supposed 
 to allow any feeling of jealousy to creep in when 
 they see each other in some one else's arms. It 
 
 95
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 may be difficult for one or the other of them al- 
 ways to live up to this standard. In that case, 
 where there is true love it will be a very small 
 sacrifice to allay the feeling by refusing to dance 
 with those who arouse this unhappy state of 
 mind. The pleasure derived from the occasional 
 dance cannot weigh in the balance against the 
 happiness of the home. 
 
 It is most appropriate to consider dress in con- 
 nection with the subject of dancing, although 
 there is so much that may be said upon this sub- 
 ject that it would almost seem to deserve a chap- 
 ter by itself. 
 
 It is strange to think that a land of civilization 
 and freedom like our own should retain in some 
 of its social customs such relics of barbarism, for 
 example, as grew up in connection with the slave 
 market. 
 
 In the days when women were bought and sold 
 as chattels, it was, of course, customary to expose 
 their charms to the prospective buyers. Without 
 any doubt, this was the origin of the custom 
 which still obtains in fashionable circles of the 
 women appearing at evening gatherings in what 
 is usually referred to as evening dress, but which 
 might more appropriately be termed evening un- 
 dress. Whatever charms a woman thinks she 
 possesses, she endeavors upon such occasions to 
 display to the fullest extent. If her back is sup- 
 posed to be particularly beautiful, she will have 
 the V cut almost to the waistline. The fashion 
 nowadays seems to demand absolutely no sleeves, 
 
 96
 
 DANCING AND DRESS 
 
 which, of course, calls for the removal of the hair 
 under the arms. 
 
 Not only is a large portion of the body left un- 
 covered, but the material of which the gown is 
 made is so flimsy that, so far as covering the un- 
 derwear is concerned, there might just as well be 
 nothing put over it. The idea seems to be that 
 having spent much money in beautiful lingerie 
 it is absolutely necessary to make everybody 
 aware of the fact. 
 
 The impression made upon the mind of a lad 
 of sixteen by this style of dress is well indicated 
 by the remark of one who was arguing with his 
 mother over the question as to whether or not it 
 was more expensive to clothe a boy than a girl. 
 He insisted that a boy was a much greater ex- 
 pense. When his mother referred to a girl's 
 party gown, he said, "Why, you don't mean to 
 say that that little thing she wears over her un- 
 derclothes costs anything to speak of?" His de- 
 scription seems very good for the modern party 
 dress "the little thing she wears over her un- 
 derclothes." 
 
 Apparel which is intended for every day use 
 partakes of the same transparent nature. Even 
 those young women who go daily into the busi- 
 ness world, where they are thrown constantly 
 into association with men of whose habit of life 
 and mental attitude they know nothing whatever, 
 will nevertheless put on a waist made of the most 
 filmy material and then attract attention by 
 bright colored ribbons and bows to what is under- 
 
 97
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 neath. How can they expect strange men really 
 to respect them when they thus brazenly call at- 
 tention to the personal charms which should be 
 reserved for the intimacies of married life? 
 
 Why women of refinement who have absolute 
 control over their own persons should publicly 
 place themselves, as it were, upon the auction 
 block in this manner, is more than any reasoning 
 being can understand. 
 
 The probability is that the majority of the good 
 women who dress in this way do so absolutely un- 
 thinkingly. They accept the decree of fashion 
 without asking themselves where this fashion 
 may have originated. Neither do they stop to 
 consider what the effect may be upon those who 
 come in contact with them. They should know, 
 however, that the young men of today are saying 
 openly amongst themselves and to women of in- 
 telligence, "How can women expect us men to 
 keep ourselves pure and clean and our passions 
 stilled when they so openly endeavor to stimulate 
 our lower desires in every way in their power? 
 We cannot respect them when they make them- 
 selves so common, and naturally we follow their 
 lead and look upon them as our playthings to 
 amuse us for an idle hour or two." 
 
 Not until the women of this nation respect 
 themselves too much to make themselves thus 
 common can we hope to see our young men live 
 up to the standards of purity of thought and act 
 which the welfare of the nation demands. Wo- 
 men need to think of these matters seriously at 
 
 98
 
 DANCING AND DRESS 
 
 this time. Our government is doing everything 
 in its power to instil high ideals of personal chas- 
 tity in the minds of the boys in khaki. What 
 hope is there for success in this effort, if they 
 cannot enlist the women of the nation to exert 
 their influence along the same line ? The women 
 can do this only by showing the better way. 
 When they have developed true modesty and 
 self-respect, so that they refuse to be led into 
 these extremes of fashion so suggestive of the un- 
 derworld, then, and not until then, will they be 
 able to inspire the young men of the nation to 
 lives of highest morality and self-control. 
 
 Nothing has been said in connection with this 
 matter of dress about the length of skirts, be- 
 cause it is reasonable and right for women to de- 
 sire to liberate themselves from the encumbrance 
 of the traditional long skirt. It is not necessary, 
 however, for women to endeavor to wear cob- 
 webs for stockings, or to have them of such color 
 that it is necessary for the observer to look twice 
 in order to make sure that there is any covering 
 upon the limbs. 
 
 It would really be a splendid thing if women 
 would just think a little bit less about their ap- 
 pearance, and a little bit more about what they 
 really are. After all, character does count some- 
 what, even with a mere man. He may be allured 
 in the beginning by a bewitching curl or a fas- 
 cinating dimple, but if he finds nothing to sustain 
 these charms, he will probably turn to more in- 
 teresting companionship. 
 
 99
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 The young wife would do well to pay a little 
 heed to her husband's hints in regard to clothing, 
 not so much as to style and so on, but rather as 
 to the impression made upon men by women's 
 dress. He may be able to open her eyes to some 
 things she had not considered before; and, with 
 the added knowledge of a married woman, she 
 may here also prove a practical help to the 
 girls of her acquaintance. We have no right to 
 put temptation in the way of 'others, and if 
 woman's present style of dress makes life more 
 difficult for men, she owes it to her self-respect 
 to change her mode of dressing at once. 
 
 100
 
 The Essentials of a Happy Marriage 
 
 THE first great essential of a happy mar- 
 riage is a deep, intense, reciprocal love. 
 So strong is the desire for marriage that many 
 individuals make the experiment of trying to find 
 happiness in marriage without this first great es- 
 sential. 
 
 The young woman longs for a home and for 
 children of her own. She says to herself, in con- 
 sidering the proposal of some admirer, "This man 
 says he loves me devotedly and will do every- 
 thing to make me happy. I do not dislike him ; 
 on the contrary, I find his society very agreeable. 
 He has a good income. He can give me all that 
 I crave in the way of home and children. I may 
 never have another chance." 
 
 So she accepts him, believing that she is in a 
 fair way to find the happiness which she craves. 
 Marriage, however, is the most intimate relation- 
 ship of life, and calls, therefore, for the greatest 
 amount of forbearance and understanding. Only 
 a great love will enable one to stand the strain 
 of the exigencies of the marriage state. The 
 liking which seemed a sufficient basis for the 
 union, instead of growing into love, as was ex- 
 pected, may turn into positive dislike, because of 
 the many little things which come up to cause a 
 
 101
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 disagreeable rasping between the two personal- 
 ities. 
 
 The great difficulty, of course, is to be able to 
 recognize a true and lasting love. Many a young 
 girl faces her first proposal in the greatest condi- 
 tion of uncertainty. 
 
 "How can I know whether I love this man"? 
 is the unspoken question that springs up in the 
 minds of hundreds of girls. They would give 
 anything to have some one of riper experience 
 to turn to who might help them understand their 
 own emotions. 
 
 The first assistance that can be given these 
 girls is this fundamental proposition: So long 
 as there is any doubt in your own mind as to 
 whether or not you love a man, that doubt in 
 itself is proof that your feeling for him is not 
 the intense and overwhelming emotion which 
 would stand the strain of a lifetime. Not until 
 a deep conviction is borne in upon your soul that 
 this man is the one man for you should you even 
 consider binding yourself to him in any perma- 
 nent way. 
 
 This does not mean, necessarily, that sudden, 
 apparently overwhelming passion is the true love 
 of a life time. It does mean, however, that, so 
 long as doubt remains in the mind, there should 
 be no definite action taken. The time may come 
 when this very same individual may become all 
 the world to the young woman ; but until she be- 
 comes convinced that he is she should take no 
 definite step. 
 
 102
 
 HAPPY MARRIAGE ESSENTIALS 
 
 Suppose, however, that she has been overtaken 
 by a sudden passion. How is she to know whether 
 or not it is lasting? One of the very best ways 
 is to 'submit to the test of absence. Let her send 
 the young man away from her for a fairly long 
 period of time, or let her seek other scenes of 
 activity for herself. If, as time goes by, in spite 
 of her separation from him, she finds herself more 
 and more persistently drawn by her heart in his 
 direction, and this feeling grows more intense 
 the longer they remain apart, then she may feel 
 somewhat assured that there is the desired per- 
 manency in the love that has come to her. 
 
 The intense and overpowering form of love 
 which we call passion is an essential component 
 of the love which should result in marriage. This 
 does not mean a passion which is selfish or de- 
 based. It does mean, however, an intensity which 
 is able to sweep aside much which otherwise 
 might form insurmountable obstacles. 
 
 Not only, however, must there be a powerful 
 physical attraction, but the mind as well must 
 be satisfied. A most essential element of a last- 
 ing love is an abiding admiration. Each one 
 of us desires to be able to look up to those whom 
 we love, and mutual admiration is necessary for 
 a successful marriage. 
 
 In addition to this, there must be absolute sin- 
 cerity. Friends may be able to overlook a little 
 occasional dissimulation, but in the close inter- 
 change of thought which takes place in the daily 
 companionship of marriage, the least tinge of 
 
 103
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 insincerity injects an element of instability. 
 There must be complete confidence each in the 
 other, so that, no matter what may happen, that 
 faith which is the foundation of permanency may 
 never be shaken. This abiding faith will lead to 
 the constant interchange of mutual confidences. 
 This will tend to the building up and strengthen- 
 ing of those mutual interests which go so far 
 toward uniting the two lives into one common 
 existence. Each should be deeply interested in 
 the least occurrence which happens to the other, 
 and, through the constant sharing of the daily 
 happenings, will come an increasing of the joys 
 and a decreasing of the sorrows of life. 
 
 Even more important than physical and mental 
 harmony is a unity of spiritual development. It 
 is only in the realm of the spirit that real unity 
 can be achieved. For this reason, the two should 
 ever strive to draw closer and closer together 
 in all that pertains to the life of the real self, 
 which is the life of the spirit. 
 
 When we turn to a consideration of the indi- 
 vidual endowments which lead to a successful 
 marriage, we find, first of all, the great need for 
 physical health and vigor. Health means whole- 
 ness, happiness, superabundant vitality and the 
 overflowing good cheer which carries one trium- 
 phantly over the hard places of life. 
 
 Next, we must have courage, the daring that is 
 willing to take a chance, and glories in the con- 
 flict because, through struggle, one may achieve 
 mastery. 
 
 104
 
 HAPPY MARRIAGE ESSENTIALS 
 
 A keen sense of humor is a great lubricator 
 of life's machinery. The one who can see some- 
 thing funny in the most tragic situation is the 
 one who can most quickly regain that equilib- 
 rium which is the first step toward extricating 
 one's self from the difficulty. 
 
 And then, with all this, must go the spirit of 
 willingness to compromise on non-essentials. 
 Where it is a matter of principle, each one must 
 stand for what he or she sees to be right, but 
 where it is a matter of mere detail, the one who 
 most quickly sacrifices personal preferences on 
 the altar of love most quickly proves his or her 
 fitness for connubial bliss. 
 
 105
 
 CHAPTER XIX 
 Wedding Preparations 
 
 AS the engagement draws near an end, the 
 young woman begins to turn her attention 
 more definitely to the subjects of a trousseau, 
 the wedding and the wedding journey. These 
 matters rest very largely in her hands, and it is 
 well, therefore, for her to give careful considera- 
 tion to them. She will, of course, make her own 
 decisions upon these matters, but a few words 
 of advice may not be amiss. 
 
 While it is delightful to have a plentiful sup- 
 ply of all sorts of dainty wearing apparel when 
 one marries, it is much more important to be in 
 the best possible health and spirits. For this rea- 
 son, it is not well for the bride-to-be to plan a 
 great lot of hand-embroidered lingerie which will 
 call forth the envy of her girl companions and 
 probably the execration of her future unfortu- 
 nate laundress. Daintiness and simplicity can go 
 together, and some of her time and strength and 
 eyesight might well be devoted to other and 
 more important matters at this time. 
 
 Let her remember, too, when deciding what 
 she must buy, that her parents may want to make 
 a few purchases after she has left them. If she 
 is a thoughtful daughter, she will leave a little 
 money in the family exchequer. 
 
 106
 
 THE WEDDING PREPARATIONS 
 
 Moreover, let her remember that styles change, 
 and if she supplies herself with too large a ward- 
 robe, she will have no excuse for getting any- 
 thing new. 
 
 Let her, in this as in all other matters, use her 
 own good judgment, and pay little or no atten- 
 tion to the comments and possible advice of those 
 who judge only by appearances and who think 
 more of dress than they do of' character. 
 
 As for the wedding, if she will consult her hus- 
 band-to-be, she will find, in the majority of in- 
 stances, that the one thing he is praying for fer- 
 vently is to be allowed to have a simple, unosten- 
 tatious wedding. Since the life they are entering 
 upon together is still more or less of an experi- 
 ment, it would seem to be in good taste for them 
 to be rather modest about it. When they come to 
 celebrate their silver or golden wedding anniver- 
 sary, then they can afford to make a big splurge. 
 
 Lastly there is the all-important question of 
 the wedding journey. It is, of course, delightful 
 for the two to have together the joy of some 
 pleasurable sight-seeing trip, but, on the other 
 hand, there is always the probability that every- 
 body is going to pick them out as bride and 
 groom, and they will feel so conspicuous that 
 more than half of the pleasure will be spoiled 
 for them. Many a girl shows her good sense by 
 preferring to go at once into her own little home 
 nest and enjoy to the full, in those first weeks 
 and months, the thrill that comes to them both 
 through the knowledge that this little home is 
 
 107
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 theirs. They will avoid many of the inconveni- 
 ences of travel and the jarring notes which these 
 may bring to their new life together, which is 
 now entering upon its difficult period of adjust- 
 ment. Within the quiet realm of home harmony 
 may more easily develop than out in the hurley- 
 burly of the traveling world. 
 
 108
 
 CHAPTER XX 
 The Physical Relationship of Marriage 
 
 IN the days when marriages were arranged for 
 girls by their parents, they were supposed to 
 be handed over to their lords and masters in what 
 was considered to be a beautiful state of inno- 
 cence which meant that they were completely 
 ignorant of the real meaning of marriage. Young 
 women today are not compelled to enter the 
 state of matrimony with their eyes blindfolded 
 in this manner, and it is advisable for every girl 
 to inform herself upon this most important ques- 
 tion. 
 
 Marriage entails a physical relationship be- 
 tween husband and wife. For generations it has 
 been considered that marriage bestowed upon 
 the man the right to demand this relationship 
 whenever he desired it. In some of our States 
 at the present time, the continued refusal of a 
 wife to enter into this relationship constitutes 
 grounds for divorce. This our young women 
 should understand. 
 
 With the development of the idea of personal 
 freedom has come the feeling, on the part of 
 many women, that they should have the right of 
 ownership of their own bodies in other words, 
 that they should have the privilege of choosing 
 whether or not they will acquiesce in their hus- 
 
 109
 
 bands' desire for entering into the physical rela- 
 tionship of marriage. 
 
 Since, however, it has been for so long a time 
 an accepted idea that the husband's right over 
 the wife's body was inherent, it is advisable for 
 any young woman who takes the other point of 
 view to make her attitude thoroughly understood 
 by her future husband before she definitely takes 
 upon herself the obligations of the marriage 
 state. Fortunately, these subjects are more open 
 for discussion today than ever before, and there 
 is no reason why two young people, approach- 
 ing matrimony, should not discuss this most im- 
 portant question carefully and frankly together. 
 
 If the young man understands the young wom- 
 an's attitude, and is ready to acquiesce in it, their 
 life together will be established upon a firm foun- 
 dation of mutual understanding, and in the after 
 years there will be no opportunity for recrimina- 
 tions, or for the accusation that the man was led 
 into a union whose obligations the woman did 
 not intend to fulfill. 
 
 On the other hand, however, many women have 
 need to ask themselves whether they have the 
 right mental attitude toward this question of the 
 marriage relation. 
 
 For generations women have been so trained 
 to look upon this physical relationship as some- 
 thing to be condemned as belonging to the lower 
 forms of life, and, therefore, beneath human be^ 
 ings, that they have arrived, many of them, at 
 an abnormal state of sex-suppression. They do 
 
 no
 
 PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP 
 
 not dare to follow their own natural impulses, 
 and they do not realize how unnatural their con- 
 dition really is. They live in a constant state of 
 mental conflict which is most deterimental phys- 
 ically, and most disturbing every other way. If 
 they could realize that the racial impulse is the 
 highest physical impulse which comes to human 
 beings, that it serves a great and noble purpose, 
 and that it is only its abuse which we need to 
 guard ourselves against, they would gradually 
 free themselves from this unnatural bondage to 
 old-time Puritanism, and eventually come out 
 into the freer life of the normal individual. 
 
 There may be those who have advanced to the 
 point where they do not need this physical ex- 
 pression of their sex natures. The average hu- 
 man being, however, needs a normal physical 
 expression of this side of his or her nature, and 
 in a successful marriage husband and wife co- 
 operate to find out what is the basis of their 
 mutual satisfaction and highest happiness. 
 
 A word of suggestion might be spoken here to 
 the average young woman to avoid the man who 
 is over-developed sexually, and who, therefore, 
 will be likely to make too great demands upon 
 his wife. The man of self-control, who shows 
 consideration for those about him, can gener- 
 ally be trusted to exercise these same qualities 
 in the intimate relationship of marriage. 
 
 In this matter of consideration, a woman can 
 get a pretty good line on a man by observing his 
 attitude toward his mother and his sisters, and his 
 
 111
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 treatment of them under e very-day conditions. 
 If she can get an invitation to visit in his home, 
 she stands a pretty good chance of getting an 
 idea as to what she can expect from him after 
 they are established in their own home. 
 
 Moreover, under such circumstances, she will 
 also have an opportunity to make some observa- 
 tions as to the qualities and characteristics which 
 her children stand a likelihood of inheriting from 
 his parents. We must remember that children 
 inherit from grandparents as well as from par- 
 ents. Many times, in fact, children will more 
 closely resemble their more remote than their im- 
 mediate ancestors. 
 
 The science of eugenics is taking a prominent 
 place in public discussions today, and every 
 young woman should endeavor to learn whether 
 or not there are any constitutionally weak strains 
 in the family which she is thinking of entering. 
 Is there a tendency toward epilepsy, insanity, tu- 
 berculosis, mental weaknesses of any kind, in the 
 prospective husband's family? 
 
 If her own inheritance is unusually good, she 
 can feel that there is a possibility that that may 
 offset slight deficiencies on the other side of the 
 family, but if on her side also there are weak 
 strains, she must be careful to see to it that they 
 are not duplicated on the husband's side. It is for 
 this reason that the marriage of cousins is gen- 
 erally to be deplored, for they bring to the de- 
 scendents a duplication of inheritance which, in 
 many instances, is most undesirable. 
 
 112
 
 CHAPTER XXI 
 The Basis of Marital Happiness 
 
 EVERY girl should realize, when she prom- 
 ises to marry a man, that she not only has 
 accepted him as a lifelong companion, but that 
 she has definitely agreed to enter into the closest 
 physical relationship. In the olden days, when 
 a girl was brought up in carefully shielded seclu- 
 sion, taught that anything approaching intimacy 
 with the opposite sex was unworthy of a true 
 woman, and allowed to enter the state of matri- 
 mony without any elucidation of what that would 
 mean to her, it is not to be wondered at that 
 many young brides received such nervous and 
 physical shocks during the first few weeks of 
 married life that they never completely recovered 
 from them. It is certainly most unfortunate to 
 train a young woman throughout her childhood 
 and girlhood in such a way that the normal expe- 
 riences of womanhood become to her a source 
 of mental conflict which all but ruins her whole 
 life. 
 
 It is only very recently that we have begun to 
 understand what effect such ever-present mental 
 conflicts have upon the physical organism. Only 
 those who have passed through them comprehend 
 the intense suffering which they cause. Many a 
 young woman has begun to run down in health 
 
 113
 
 immediately after marriage, not so much because 
 her husband has made excessive demands upon 
 her, as because she feels degraded every time she 
 enters into the relationship which should be to 
 her the most sacred in life. The failing lies, not 
 in the young people themselves, in many in- 
 stances, but in the mistaken training which has 
 been given them. 
 
 It is true that sometimes men are so carried 
 away by the intensity of their own passion that 
 they overwhelm the young bride with their de- 
 mands upon her, expecting her to respond to 
 their advances with a passion equal to their own. 
 
 As a rule, however, the normal young man is 
 not so completely a victim of his own feelings 
 as to be absolutely inconsiderate of the natural 
 timidity and reluctance of a bride. The real lover 
 waits upon every word and look and gesture of 
 the beloved, and, by so doing, woos her gently to 
 her full surrender. 
 
 In this matter, without doubt, many young 
 men need to have made clear to them the differ- 
 ence between the woman's sex impulse and the 
 man's. His responds with sudden force when 
 once aroused. Hers is more like a rising tide 
 which slowly gains the power needed to carry her 
 out of herself into the realm of self-surrender. 
 For this reason, the man should have patience 
 and learn to exercise the arts of the lover. 
 
 On the other hand, however, the wife should 
 not feel it incumbent upon her to resist his ad- 
 vances, to steel herself against any possible giv- 
 
 114
 
 BASIS OF MARITAL HAPPINESS 
 
 ing way to his blandishments. It is normal that 
 their desire for the union of their souls should 
 express itself, in appropriate moments of highest 
 exaltation and desire, in a physical union. When 
 the young wife views this relationship in its true 
 light, she will no longer shrink from it in the dis- 
 gust that sometimes threatens to wreck the life 
 happiness of a newly wedded pair. It is wise for 
 her to exercise self-control and to influence her 
 husband to the same end, but, at the same time, 
 when she gives herself to him it should be in the 
 fullest abandon of devotion and deepest love. 
 
 It has been well said that woman has a natural 
 instinct in these matters, which, if she will but 
 follow it, makes of her the true guardian and 
 priestess of the temple of marriage. If she re- 
 fuses herself to her husband at all times, how- 
 ever, she defeats the purpose of this instinct and 
 renders him dissatisfied, eventually, it may be, 
 bringing about a separation. If she gives her- 
 self to him so joyously as to bring fullest satis- 
 faction at those times when her impulse leads 
 her to do so, she will have but little difficulty in 
 exercising the gentle powers of restraint at other 
 times, when his tentative approach does not meet 
 with the fullest response of her own nature. 
 
 No wife should feel that her husband has the 
 right to control her body, and that she must re- 
 sign herself to him whenever he makes a demand 
 upon her. This is contrary to Nature. Through- 
 out the living realm we see that it is the feminine 
 nature which indicates the proper moments for 
 
 115
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 union, and if a woman resigns herself to her hus- 
 band in this way when her own impulses do not 
 lead her in that direction, she is doing him a 
 great injury. Where there is not a full response 
 on her part there is not full satisfaction on his, 
 and in time the relationship becomes a source of 
 physical weakness to him which may in the end 
 have serious consequences. Many a woman, 
 with the mistaken notion that she is doing her 
 duty to her husband by giving way to his every 
 demand, has really proven untrue to her real re- 
 sponsibility toward him, and has, all unwittingly, 
 been the means of encouraging him in such ex- 
 cesses as may eventually result in his impotence. 
 
 To the majority of wives no doubt the idea 
 that they are the rightful arbiters in this matter 
 of the intimacies of married life will be a new 
 one. 
 
 They look upon their own desires as something 
 concerning only themselves, and the majority of 
 them therefore feel that these should give way to 
 the husband's wishes. But when they learn that 
 it is for his good that they should exercise this 
 control they will look upon the matter differ- 
 ently. 
 
 They must understand that the life-giving fluid 
 called the semen, which is produced in the cre- 
 ative organs of the man, is of great value in the 
 upbuilding of his own body. It is only within 
 comparatively recent times that the marvelous 
 power of this creative fluid in building up and 
 making over the body of the individual has been 
 
 116
 
 BASIS OF MARITAL HAPPINESS 
 
 thoroughly understood. In sexual intimacies 
 there is a discharge of this creative fluid from the 
 body of the man, but where there is a full re- 
 sponse on the part of the wife, there seems to be 
 an exchange of magnetism or energy which 
 makes up for the loss. If, however, his desire 
 alone is active and she is simply fulfilling a sup- 
 posed wifely duty, she gives nothing to him, and 
 he, therefore, suffers a definite loss in vitality. 
 It is claimed by some that such one-sided intima- 
 cies are almost as harmful to the man as mastur- 
 bation. Frequent indulgence upon this basis 
 must result in a loss of vital energy which will 
 deprive the man of the strength and vigor needed 
 for the performance of his life tasks. 
 
 Even when the wife gives fullest response it 
 will not do to enter too frequently into this rela- 
 tionship. Anything approaching sexual excess 
 must gradually have a devitalizing effect upon 
 the constitution, which may make itself manifest 
 through an increasing tendency toward some in- 
 herited weakness. Moreover, there is a great 
 nervous strain associated with this experience, 
 which causes eventually a sapping of the brain 
 energy, rendering the man less mentally capable 
 and efficient. 
 
 Like all other desires this also was meant to 
 be under the control of the soul, and, as a wom- 
 an's impulses are generally less intense than 
 man's, it naturally becomes her place to exercise 
 the art of control. 
 
 It sometimes happens that the woman can en- 
 
 117
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 dure more frequent intercourse than can the 
 man. Let her watch and see whether or not her 
 husband seems to be somewhat lacking in vigor 
 on the morning following his marital experience, 
 and so learn whether or not she is stimulating 
 him too greatly on this side of his nature. She 
 can easily learn to satisfy his desire for affection- 
 ate demonstration without arousing his passion, 
 and she should, for his sake, if not for her own, 
 develop this art to its highest degree. 
 
 There are some at the present time, and the 
 number may be increasing, who believe that the 
 marriage relationship should be entered into only 
 for the purpose of procreation. If the young 
 woman possesses this belief, she owes it to her 
 future husband to make her position in this mat- 
 ter perfectly plain to him, and to assure herself 
 that his acquiescence in this plan will be volun- 
 tarily and fully, not grudgingly, given. If he 
 does not also in his own heart believe as she does, 
 their future relationship will be very taxing to 
 him, because in all probability his sexual desires 
 will be aroused, and, being unsatisfied, may be 
 the cause of distress and even of physical weak- 
 ness to him. There are those who seem to 
 have proven that they can live together in the 
 closest intimacy of married life, keeping their 
 procreative powers for procreative purposes 
 only, and who appear to experience no ill effects 
 physically. These cases, however, are the excep- 
 tion and such relationship seems to call for indi- 
 viduals of an unusual development. 
 
 118
 
 CHAPTER XXII 
 Regulating the Relation of Husband and Wife 
 
 TWO young people starting out on life's 
 journey together have a great work of ad- 
 justment to perform. Heretofore they have lived 
 a more or less self-centered existence. To a very 
 large degree they have consulted only their own 
 preferences and considered only the working out 
 of their own plans. Now they must discover 
 how the two personalities can be adjusted to 
 work harmoniously together, and together get 
 the most of life. 
 
 Probably the first great essential to success in 
 this enterprise is the proper regulation of the 
 marital intimacy. As has been suggested, the 
 wife's instinct, normally, will be a fairly compe- 
 tent guide in these matters. If she is normal, she 
 is only responsive to the husband's advances at 
 certain periods of the month, and this would 
 seem to indicate that the greatest satisfaction to 
 both would come through the observance of this 
 characteristic of her nature. To be sure, many 
 women desire to avoid this particular period, be- 
 cause it is during the days immediately preceding 
 and following the menses that conception is most 
 likely to take place, but to postpone this inti- 
 macy from the time when it would be acceptable 
 to the period when results are least likely to fol- 
 
 119
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 low, will not be conducive to the greatest satis- 
 faction and happiness of the two concerned. 
 
 I would like to repeat here the words I have 
 used in another volume upon this point. "Sex 
 was not intended primarily for the pleasure asso- 
 ciated therewith. The Creator had a deep under- 
 lying purpose, and when we defeat this purpose, 
 using this important function solely as a means 
 of pleasure, we can rest assured that the full 
 penalty will be exacted from us." 
 
 When a wife discovers that she is apparently 
 lacking in all sexual feeling and does not recipro- 
 cate in the sexual act, she should make a study 
 of herself to discover, if she can, the reason. It 
 may be that she is suffering from general phys- 
 ical weakness, in which condition it is not to be 
 expected that she will have enough surplus vital- 
 ity to enjoy the marriage relation, because it will 
 make too great a drain upon her system. 
 
 If this is the case, she should set herself to 
 work to build up her general health through a 
 regime of regular exercise, plenty of bathing, 
 proper food, and a great deal of sunshine and 
 outdoor air. Cold bathing is exhilarating to the 
 nerves, if there is enough physical vigor to react 
 well afterward. One can take a cold shower bath, 
 or half fill the tub with water the night before 
 and in the morning step into it and quickly dash 
 it over the body, stepping out at once and rub- 
 bing the body vigorously with a rough towel. 
 The skin should become a healthful pink, and 
 there should be a general feeling of well-being 
 
 120
 
 REGULATING THE RELATION 
 
 as a result. If the body is blue and cold, there 
 is not enough vigor to react, and the cold bathing 
 should be postponed until, through other means, 
 greater vitality has been produced. Air baths 
 have a very tonic and soothing effect upon the 
 nerves. If a wife is at home and alone during 
 the day, let her lock herself in, remove all her 
 clothing, and take some gentle exercises in the 
 sunshine. 
 
 It is important that the sexual relationship 
 should not be indulged in too often. It is diffi- 
 cult to say just what is excess in this matter, 
 because what is permissible for one may be ex- 
 cessive for another. This, at least, may be said 
 to all : Do not allow the relationship to become 
 such a commonplace, through its frequency, that 
 it loses all real meaning. Those people who al- 
 low themselves to enter into this relationship as 
 regularly as they perform other functions of their 
 lives have lost the real charm and zest of married 
 life. 
 
 This act is meant to be the culminating expres- 
 sion of an overpowering passion. Its purpose is 
 to bring into existence another human being, who 
 shall be the living representative of the union 
 of two souls. Such intensity of emotion cannot 
 be frequently produced, and those who enter into 
 the marital relationship with anything like regu- 
 larity have taken it from its high place of sym- 
 bolism and lowered it to where it has simply be- 
 come a source of physical gratification. 
 
 It is because this physical act should be the 
 
 121
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 expression of a spontaneous outpouring of love 
 that anything which causes it to appear premedi- 
 tated desecrates the whole relationship. A mar- 
 ried pair should learn to express their love in the 
 closest endearments without the feeling that they 
 must always eventuate in physical union. Other- 
 wise, the moment any advances are made by one 
 in the direction of the expression of love, the 
 other, not desiring this culmination, at once feels 
 it necessary to draw back, and thus a habit of 
 coldness may spring up between the two. 
 
 Many a woman has lost all interest in life be- 
 cause she finds herself compelled to give herself 
 up in this way night after night, when there is 
 nothing within her own nature which calls for 
 this form of expression. She feels degraded in 
 her own eyes, and longs for something to free 
 her from such slavery. 
 
 She should remember, however, that it is only 
 those who are afraid to assert their right to free- 
 dom who remain slaves. Many times the wife's 
 failure to speak out and make her true wishes 
 known at the beginning of their life together 
 has been the cause of the husband's tyranny. 
 'Therefore, the blame is as much hers as it is his. 
 Where there is perfect confidence between the 
 two, each is able to speak his or her own mind 
 without fear, and, as a result, matters eventually 
 are satisfactorily and harmoniously adjusted. 
 
 Man's passions are more easily aroused than 
 woman's, and more insistent, because it is man's 
 nature to be active and energetic. Woman is by 
 
 122
 
 REGULATING THE RELATION 
 
 nature negative, passive, and, for this reason, is 
 less easily stirred and can more readily control 
 herself. It is for this reason she is the natural 
 guardian in these matters, and if they are not 
 properly adjusted, she should look into the mat- 
 ter to discover where her own shortcoming may 
 be. 
 
 Sometimes the use of separate beds will be of 
 assistance in this matter. We are coming to 
 realize more clearly today than ever before the 
 advantage of retaining one's own individuality. 
 So we are considering more carefully the right of 
 each individual to separateness from all other in- 
 dividuals. Children are no longer unquestion- 
 ingly put together into the same bed at night. 
 Each child has his or her own little crib. It sleeps 
 much more comfortably and healthfully as a re- 
 sult. Husbands and wives have the same right 
 to and need for separateness, and if separate 
 rooms are not feasible, should at least have sep- 
 arate beds. 
 
 Without doubt, much of the marital excess 
 which occurs in the first few months of married 
 life would be prevented if the persons concerned 
 occupied separate beds. The beds may be in the 
 same room, they may be placed side by side ; but 
 so long as they are separate it may be expected 
 that only the normal instincts of the husband and 
 wife will bring them together at the proper times. 
 Without doubt, a better nervous condition would 
 result, as there is likely to be less over-heating of 
 the body, and sleep is more comfortable. 
 
 123
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 Although the marital relation may be consid- 
 ered as, in a way, the fundamental question in the 
 adjustment of the two lives, nevertheless there 
 are many other matters which call for considera- 
 tion. 
 
 For instance, there is the question as to how 
 much the wife should wait upon the husband. It 
 is very beautiful for the young bride to feel that 
 devotion which leads her to endeavor to antici- 
 pate every wish of her husband, and see that he 
 has at hand everything which he may desire. For 
 a little while he will doubtless be very apprecia- 
 tive, but, very soon, he will begin to take it for 
 granted. Then, the first thing the young wife 
 knows, she will find that he is demanding of her 
 that which she gave in the first place as an ex- 
 pression of her excess of devotion. When that 
 time comes she may discover that, all uncon- 
 sciously to herself, she has been training a hus- 
 band into a tyrant. 
 
 Mothers do the same thing with their children. 
 They button their clothes, cut up their food, pick 
 up their books and wraps, find everything they 
 have lost and then wonder why their children 
 are so helpless. 
 
 The wife can very easily turn her husband into 
 a child of larger growth, unless she has the care- 
 fulness which comes from wisdom. Let her do 
 many little things for him; but let her expect 
 the same devotion from him. 
 
 It would be well for her to make a rule, how- 
 ever, not to do for him anything which he can 
 
 124
 
 REGULATING THE RELATION 
 
 just as well do for himself. For example, the 
 wife who always lays out her husband's clean 
 shirt for him, with cuff buttons and studs, and 
 collar button all in place, may not perceive in 
 the beginning, but eventually will learn, that 
 she has been rendering him selfishly helpless and 
 dependent upon her. The time will probably 
 come when he will never think of changing his 
 shirt unless she performs this preliminary for 
 him. Although he has done all of these things 
 and many more before he was married, now he 
 suddenly loses the power to do anything for him- 
 self. He must run to her for everything, from 
 his collar button to his shoe polisher. 
 
 A few brides form an exception to this rule. 
 One with whom I am familiar made it a rule 
 never to put away her husband's clothes for him. 
 When the laundry arrived, his package was 
 placed upon his chiffonier, he opened it and 
 placed the various articles in their proper recep- 
 tacles. As a result, when he wanted to dress 
 himself he could put his hand upon everything 
 he needed, and if, perchance, he should turn to 
 her to ask where something was, her invariable 
 reply was, "I don't know, dear. I didn't put 
 it away." 
 
 While this may appear to be a heartless atti- 
 tude on the part of the young wife, in reality it 
 saved the two a great deal of unnecessary fric- 
 tion. If his things were not in place, he had no 
 one but himself to blame, and that he was the 
 first to realize. 
 
 125
 
 Moreover, if the wife refuses to burden herself 
 with the multiplicity of things which the husband 
 can just as well do, she then has more time to 
 give to the hundred and one little attentions 
 which only a wife can show. 
 
 Corresponding to this comes the question as to 
 the husband's attitude toward the wife. There 
 are certain little attentions which he should be 
 expected to show her under all circumstances. 
 For example, she should not let him grow rusty 
 in such little matters as seeing that she has a 
 chair, opening the door for her, and other little 
 acts of courtesy. Neither, on the other hand, 
 should she turn him into her slave, always ex- 
 pecting him to fetch and carry when he is in the 
 house. 
 
 It is well for him to feel that he carries half of 
 the responsibilities of the home. As a rule, a man 
 does not object to doing the little tinkering jobs 
 that sometimes come up, because it adds to his 
 feeling of possession. 
 
 It would seem to be the wife's natural privilege 
 to know something of the details of the business 
 in which the husband is engaged, and, certainly, 
 the amount of income which the family can ex- 
 pect. As she is naturally the dispenser of the 
 family funds to a very large degree, it is only 
 reasonable that she should be supplied with the 
 needed information to govern those expendi- 
 tures. A wife cannot be blamed for spending 
 more than her husband's income warrants, when 
 she is kept in complete ignorance of the amount 
 
 126
 
 REGULATING THE RELATION 
 
 of that income. She should be interested in the 
 little events of the day's experience ; and he will 
 many times gain light upon the perplexities of 
 the day's doings if he can discuss them in detail 
 with one who has his interest at heart, and looks 
 upon all matters with a woman's intuition. 
 
 Just as some wives develop selfishness in their 
 husbands through waiting upon them too much, 
 so do husbands develop selfishness in their wives 
 through unwise expenditures of money. The 
 man loves to shower gifts upon his wife in order 
 to hear her expressions of gratitude; and so he 
 tries to buy everything for which she expresses 
 the least desire. The time comes when he finds 
 he has developed the one who should be his help- 
 meet, standing by and assisting him in all emer- 
 gencies, into a helpless, dependent parasite. 
 
 A problem that arises with increasing fre- 
 quency nowadays is the question as to whether 
 or not the wife should continue to work after 
 marriage. 
 
 If she is by instinct and training a business 
 woman, or has a profession for which she finds 
 herself much better adapted than for the duties 
 of a housewife, it may be most conducive to the 
 happiness of all concerned for her to follow her 
 desires in the matter. 
 
 The matter should be thoroughly considered, 
 however, before such a step is taken. In the first 
 place, she should not plan to do housework before 
 she goes to business and after her return, in addi- 
 tion to her daily task. No man would think of 
 
 127
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 attempting such a thing. Women almost invari- 
 ably do, through a mistaken desire for economy. 
 It is too much of a drain upon her system, as a 
 few hours of relaxation are needed after a day's 
 work, and this she cannot get if she must devote 
 this time to the work of the home. If being in 
 business means that she would be able to employ 
 some one for the home work, well and good. 
 
 She must realize, however, that this plan in all 
 probability will not always be possible. When 
 children come it will not be advisable for her to 
 continue her business or professional life. Dur- 
 ing the years of infancy, at least, children need 
 the personal care and supervision of their moth- 
 ers; and, let it be stated with equal emphasis, 
 mothers need the training and development 
 which comes from this living with their children. 
 Even though, as some have suggested, experts 
 could be found to take care of the baby from the 
 moment of birth onward, it would nevertheless 
 not be a desirable thing to do, because, by so 
 doing, the mother would lose her greatest oppor- 
 tunity for self-development. Every true woman 
 will be glad to devote herself during the early 
 years of her children's lives to their welfare, 
 knowing that, through the experience that will 
 come to her in this way, her own personality will 
 be so unfolded and enriched, that if, later on, 
 when the child is sufficiently developed to be put 
 into the care of others, she should wish to return 
 to her former occupation, she will be, in all prob- 
 ability, more efficient than ever before. 
 
 128
 
 CHAPTER XXIII 
 Making Love Lifelong 
 
 rpHE great problem of all young married 
 people is keeping alive the love which has 
 drawn them together. It is easy enough to fall 
 in love ; the difficult thing is to stay in love. 
 
 It has been said that love is blind, but a closer 
 analysis would seem to prove that love bestows 
 a keener vision upon those who come, under its 
 influence, so that they are able to perceive charms 
 and virtues which may be hidden from the eye of 
 the ordinary observer. Qualities which are there 
 only in promise may be discerned, and the faith 
 in their presence acts like a warm ray of sunshine 
 to bring them into expression. 
 
 It is easy in the first flush of an ardent love to 
 see only the virtues of the beloved, especially 
 while the two are living separate lives and see 
 each other only under the most favorable circum- 
 stances. When they have started their life to- 
 gether, however, and must needs meet before 
 breakfast, while still in mental as well as physical 
 undress, so to speak, it becomes increasingly dif- 
 ficult to overlook the ragged edges and the sharp 
 corners that begin to obtrude themselves upon 
 the attention. 
 
 This is the testing time of love. If the feeling 
 which has drawn the two together has been more 
 
 129
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 or less superficial, a fascination exercised by some 
 trivial charm, the time comes when the cause of 
 the allurement is lost sight of in the great number 
 of uncongenial traits which develop. If, on the 
 other hand, the love is true and deep, no matter 
 what shortcomings may become evident, the 
 great fundamental fact remains that, with all 
 their faults, the two still love each other. Where 
 that is the case, it is possible for them to have 
 patience with failings and to continue to keep 
 their regard steadfastly fixed upon the traits that 
 originally called forth the admiration and its re- 
 sultant love. 
 
 Sometimes it calls for an effort of the will to 
 take the attention away from the things that rasp 
 and irritate, and fix it upon the commendable 
 qualities. Yet this can be done, and must be 
 done many times, if the exigencies of married life 
 are to be met successfully. 
 
 The first great essential for success in a mar- 
 riage relation is unselfishness. But this unselfish- 
 ness should be mutual. If it is all on one side, it 
 produces in time a state of injustice which cannot 
 be forever maintained. Some women begin by 
 being so very unselfish that they afford the hus- 
 band no opportunity to give evidence of the love 
 that is at that time actively calling for expres- 
 sion. It is a great mistake for either one in the 
 partnership to insist upon having a corner on the 
 unselfishness, so to speak. It is in this way that 
 we develop selfishness in the other member of 
 the firm. If a woman insists upon making a 
 
 130
 
 MAKING LOVE LIFELONG 
 
 door-mat of herself, you cannot blame the man if 
 in the end he gets the habit of wiping his feet 
 upon her. 
 
 Unselfishness in both is the only basis which 
 will permit of a proper adjustment of the sex re- 
 lation in marriage. It will result in the two 
 finding out what is the normal and happy sex life 
 for them. It must not be forgotten that true mar- 
 riage involves the mental, spiritual, social and 
 physical union of the two parties concerned. 
 Without any doubt, a harmonious and satisfac- 
 tory sexual relationship is essential to successful 
 marriage. It is not the whole of marriage, how- 
 ever, and the probalility is that it will be more 
 perfectly adjusted >where greater emphasis is 
 placed upon the mental and spiritual aspects of 
 the relationship. These are, after all, the lasting 
 elements which will endure long after physical 
 desire has fled. 
 
 The importance of the little courtesies of life 
 cannot be over-estimated. There is always a 
 temptation, in the hurly-burly of strenuous en- 
 deavor, to overlook delicate little attentions, and 
 this is especially true in the intimacy of the home. 
 But these delicate flowers of thoughtfulness are 
 what give beauty and charm to domestic life. 
 Let the wife, therefore, make every 'effort in her 
 power to keep up this atmosphere of thoughtful- 
 ness and consideration. Not only can she show 
 regard for her husband in many little ways, but 
 she can express such appreciation of all such 
 thoughtful attentions from him that he will be 
 
 131 
 
 10
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 constantly encouraged to continue them in order 
 to gain more of her approval. 
 
 The wife needs to take especial care that she 
 does not neglect her husband when the children 
 come. Her nature finds its completion in her 
 children, and she is tempted to become so ab- 
 sorbed in them that the husband will begin to 
 feel himself a negligible quantity. He comes 
 home at night, it may be. full of the happenings 
 of the day, and eager to talk them over with her, 
 as they did in the days of their courtship and 
 early marriage. His most interesting tale, how- 
 ever, is broken in upon by urgings to "look at 
 the baby," or a request to wait upon the child in 
 some way. The first time or two this happens, 
 the husband is able to perform the duties of a 
 father with more or less willingness. But if it 
 is continued, he comes to feel and quite rightly 
 that his wife is really not paying any attention 
 to him at all. 
 
 Now she has been with the baby all day long. 
 It won't hurt her to forget the infant for fifteen 
 minutes or so, in order to give her undivided at- 
 tention to her husband. This will be wise on her 
 part, for it will enable her to keep close to her 
 husband's life and thought. Having shown un- 
 mistakable evidence of complete interest in his 
 affairs, she then has a right to expect him to turn 
 with equal enthusiasm to her absorbing interest, 
 the baby, and, without doubt she would then find 
 the paternal instinct manifesting itself to a thor- 
 oughly satisfactory degree. 
 
 132
 
 MAKING LOVE LIFELONG 
 
 The question may be asked as to how much the 
 wife should call upon the husband to help her in 
 caring for the little ones. Some men seem to 
 have the idea that if they take the child out for a 
 walk on a Sunday morning, they have done all 
 that can be expected of them. They may then 
 find themselves in the position of the man who, 
 after having chastised his small son, heard him 
 saying to his mother in an aggrieved tone of 
 voice, "Mamma, that man who stays here Sun- 
 days spanked me." The father who does not en- 
 ter closely into the lives of his children in infancy 
 misses a great deal of joy and a great spiritual 
 development. He needs to feel the tug of tiny 
 fingers at his heart-strings, and to feel the yearn- 
 ing desire to relieve a helpless little sufferer in 
 some way is to grow into a stronger and better 
 man. No man should be deprived of this oppor- 
 tunity. 
 
 On the other hand, the wife must remember 
 that when the man goes to business he has no 
 opportunity to catch up on the sleep that he may 
 have lost the night before. Therefore she should 
 not call upon him too frequently. She can drop 
 down for a cat-nap in the middle of the day, and 
 so maintain her nervous equilibrium, but he can- 
 not. In this, as in every other problem, a little 
 judicious common sense is needed to strike the 
 happy medium. 
 
 133
 
 CHAPTER XXIV 
 Mistakes and Excesses That Destroy Love 
 
 WHEN two young people first enter into 
 the close relationship of marriage, they 
 are so carried away by the beauty and wonder of 
 the love that binds them together that they are in 
 danger of attempting too frequently to give the 
 fullest expression to it. Their great, overwhelm- 
 ing passion sweeps them along in its swift, deep 
 current, until they are in danger of losing, for 
 the time being, all sense of proportion and all 
 power of self-restraint. 
 
 This is a terrible mistake for these two young 
 creatures to make, for in time the very excess of 
 their emotion will tend to lessen their power of 
 loving. Excess brings inevitably in its train sa- 
 tiety, and that in turn is apt to change love into 
 its abnormal expression of hate. Many of the 
 tragic experiences of the first three to five years 
 of married life which threaten to disrupt what 
 was intended to be a lifelong union, may be 
 traced to this serious mistake. Like the positive 
 and negative poles of the electrical battery, the 
 two were drawn together in the first place be- 
 cause of their very unlikeness. The excess of 
 close association which they have allowed them- 
 selves has brought about so great an interchange 
 of electric vibration, if we choose to call it so, that 
 
 134
 
 MISTAKES DESTROYING LOVE 
 
 now they are charged with practically identical 
 currents, and, because of this fact, they find a 
 repulsion beginning to show itself. This is 
 simply Nature's effort to restore the equilibrium, 
 and should be recognized as such. 
 
 If this mistake has been made by two young 
 people, and they are able to recognize it as the 
 cause of the constantly increasing irritation be- 
 tween them, the wisest thing they can do is to 
 separate temporarily. Let the wife go away on 
 a visit of longer or shorter duration, until once 
 more they are attracted to each other. Probably 
 after such a temporary separation, when they 
 come together they will be able to exercise the 
 needed amount of self-control to put their rela- 
 tionship upon an harmonious and lasting founda- 
 tion. 
 
 The wisest plan, however, is for the young 
 people to recognize from the very beginning the 
 possibility of satiety from over-stimulation, and 
 so from the very earliest days of the courtship to 
 exercise that wise self-restraint which will pre- 
 vent all possibility of this sad experience coming 
 to them. 
 
 Let them remember that their new-found love 
 is intended to last them for a lifetime. Let them, 
 therefore, conserve that love and its expression 
 in order that it may always remain with them in 
 full force. 
 
 As the love that binds them together should be 
 mental and spiritual, as well as physical and emo- 
 tional, let them strive to find higher and better 
 
 135
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 forms of expression as the days go by. The 
 words of appreciation that bring needed encour- 
 agment to the struggling soul, the act of self-de- 
 nial which speaks more truly than any other ac- 
 tion of a self-sacrificing love, will do more than 
 anything else to bind the two hearts together in 
 a bond that cannot be broken. Thus their united 
 love will grow from day to day in depth and 
 sweetness, and in all lasting qualities. 
 
 Caresses and terms of endearment are very 
 grateful to the young wife's heart, and she is in 
 danger sometimes of making too great a demand 
 upon her husband along this line. He is glad to 
 welcome her caresses and to bestow his in his 
 hours of leisure and relaxation. But when some 
 important business matter is pressing, playful 
 requests for kisses and caresses are very taxing. 
 The wife who persistently thrusts herself upon 
 her husband's attention in this way and at such 
 a time, need not be surprised if eventually his 
 self-control breaks down and his irritation ex- 
 presses itself in unmistakable form. She has only 
 herself to blame for such actions upon his part, 
 because she has failed to show proper considera- 
 tion for his responsibilities. She has been think- 
 ing only of herself and her desire for a little at- 
 tention, not at all of him and the important task 
 which he may feel it incumbent upon him to 
 finish. 
 
 Many wives resent it when the husband brings 
 home some bit of work to be completed in the 
 evening. It is true, the husband should endeavor 
 
 136
 
 MISTAKES DESTROYING LOVE 
 
 to devote a certain portion of his time each day 
 to a little social intercourse with his wife. But 
 a man is more or less a victim of circumstances ; 
 and if he feels that the financial welfare of the 
 family depends upon his sacrificing some of his 
 ease and comfort in this way, his wife should be 
 ready to make a corresponding sacrifice in cheer- 
 fulness and in a true spirit of practical co-opera- 
 tion. She should rather consider it a compliment 
 that he has enough confidence in her to feel that 
 he can bring his work home. Otherwise, he may 
 grow into the habit of staying in the office when- 
 ever the exigencies of business press heavily upon 
 him. 
 
 She should endeavor by every means in her 
 power to make herself his partner in every sense 
 of the word. She should not, of course, pester 
 him for details which he has not the time to ex- 
 plain to her, but if she gives her attention in a 
 properly receptive manner, never breaking in 
 upon his story of the day's happenings with ir- 
 relevant details upon extraneous matters, never 
 indulging in petty criticisms of him or his asso- 
 ciates, but speaking a word of appreciation when- 
 ever possible, and giving expression to her com- 
 plete confidence in him as often as she can, she 
 will find that he will instinctively seek her counsel 
 in every emergency, arid eventually she will find 
 herself in full possession of practically all of the 
 details of his business. 
 
 137
 
 CHAPTER XXV 
 The Crime of Abortion 
 
 A BORTION may be looked upon as an evi- 
 ** dence of human degeneracy which has 
 come to us from perverted methods of education 
 associated with a desire to enjoy life's pleasures 
 without assuming the responsibilities allied 
 therewith. It indicates a lack of reverence for hu- 
 man life. One would think that modern enlight- 
 enment, with its increasing respect for human 
 life, would have produced a change in the atti- 
 tude of human beings toward their embryo off- 
 spring. That this does not seem to be the case, 
 in many instances, is a striking proof of the 
 corrupting environments that now affect the de- 
 velopment of the human intelligence and con- 
 science. 
 
 It used to be thought that there was no life in 
 the embryo until what is known as the time of 
 quickening, when the mother could begin to 
 feel the movements of the fetus within the womb. 
 It is known now, however, that there is life from 
 the very moment of conception, and that to in- 
 terfere with the process of development which 
 is going on there is, in truth, to take life, which 
 is, in bald phraseology, to commit murder. Yet 
 how many women are there who would shrink 
 from killing even the mouse that was nibbling 
 at their food, and yet who do not hesitate delib- 
 
 138
 
 THE CRIME OF ABORTION 
 
 erately to kill their own offspring? They do not 
 term it that, of course, and without doubt they 
 have many ways of hiding the actual facts from 
 themselves, and so escaping the condemnation 
 which their own consciences should inflict upon 
 them. They try to make themselves believe that 
 this act is made necessary on their part by their 
 own physical frailty; by the danger which they 
 think they are in when facing the process of 
 birth ; by the limited state of the family income ; 
 by the fact that more children are not desirable. 
 Whatever the course of specious reasoning which 
 the woman goes through, it is none the less a fact 
 that she has committed a sin and a crime. 
 
 While it may be that, in the majority of in- 
 stances, it is the wife who first thinks of this 
 way of ridding herself of an unwelcome burden, 
 in many instances it is the husband who makes 
 the first suggestion. He has no desire for any 
 larger family, he does not care to listen to his 
 wife's complaints at the inconvenience she has 
 to suffer during the nine months of pregnancy 
 because of his demands, and so he urges her to 
 escape from the troublesome situation. 
 
 If women really understood the enormity of the 
 crime which is either contemplated by them- 
 selves or suggested by their husbands, they would 
 resolutely refuse to listen either to their own 
 fears, or to the arguments of another. Indeed, 
 if they realized the full extent of the injuries 
 which they may thus inflict upon themselves, 
 they would hesitate long before taking so serious 
 
 139
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 a step. The very fact that it is against the law 
 of the land for them to do such a thing should 
 make them pause and consider. Any physician 
 who performs what is called a criminal opera- 
 tion, lays himself open by so doing to severe 
 punishment, and anyone who assists in such an 
 undertaking must also suffer a penalty. 
 
 It does not seem to the young wife that a suffi- 
 cient development can take place in the first 
 month or two, or even three, to make interfer- 
 ence with the process a very' serious matter; yet 
 many a woman has discovered, to her deep re- 
 gret, that her attempt to free herself from what 
 seemed to her a physical burden has put a much 
 more serious one upon her in the form of life- 
 long illness or physical disability. Abortion 
 usually leaves a woman weak and ailing for 
 months, and many times for life. It shocks the 
 nervous system in such a manner as to interfere 
 with the harmonious processes of the whole or- 
 ganism. The blood has not the life-giving ele- 
 ments that it previously possessed. Strange, un- 
 pleasant and at times fearful pains dart through 
 the pelvic region after an abortion. One such 
 operation will sometimes produce physiological 
 effects from which a woman never completely 
 recovers. 
 
 Sometimes the newly married woman feels 
 that she is not quite ready to assume the respon- 
 sibilities of motherhood, and takes this method 
 of postponing the necessity of doing so, only to 
 discover, later on, when she desires children that 
 
 140
 
 THE CRIME OF ABORTION 
 
 she has produced a condition which makes it im- 
 possible for her to have them. After one or two 
 abortions every pregnancy, in some cases, re- 
 sults in a miscarriage. The delicate machinery 
 of the body cannot be tampered with in this way 
 without the probability of serious results. 
 
 While one finds it almost impossible to for- 
 give the married woman who, through selfish- 
 ness, cowardice, or some other unworthy mo- 
 tive, takes the life of her little child that might 
 be, one can understand better the impulse which 
 moves the unmarried woman to such a course. 
 She naturally dreads the discovery of her wrong- 
 doing ; she sees a lifelong disgrace facing not only 
 herself, but her innocent child ; and she feels that 
 it would be better to deprive the little one of 
 life itself rather than allow it to come into the 
 world burdened with the stain of illegitimacy. 
 Yet even she must realize that, having called 
 this life into existence, she nevertheless has no 
 right to cut it short in this way. While we must 
 always condemn the illegitimate parents, we are 
 gradually approaching the time when we shall 
 see that there are no illegitimate children. In 
 that day we shall realize that every child, if we 
 see that it has the right environment, may be 
 made a national asset. When that time comes 
 the nation will refuse to allow children to be 
 brought up in the midst of surroundings which 
 turn them into criminals, simply because their 
 parents are neglectful, or unable properly to pro- 
 vide for them. 
 
 141
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 It may encourage the unfortunate young 
 woman to go through with her bitter experience 
 to the very end to know that hundreds of others 
 like her, who have brought children into the 
 world that were not properly planned for, and 
 who have done their best to make desirable citi- 
 zens out of them, have, in the end, been more 
 than repaid by the upright, honorable men and 
 women who have not been ashamed to call them 
 "mother." 
 
 The birth and care of her child is many times 
 the salvation of the girl who has taken a mis- 
 step. If we who are protected from wrong-doing 
 would only go out of our way to help and en- 
 courage these poor, unfortunate creatures, hun- 
 dreds of them would gladly return to the path 
 of virtue and would rejoice in an opportunity to 
 prove that they are not "lost" women. They 
 may have "fallen" temporarily, but they may 
 rise again to even higher levels than those on 
 which they walked before. 
 
 When a woman becomes pregnant, she should 
 at once realize that it is incumbent upon her to 
 live up to the duties and responsibilities which 
 belong to her condition. If she is normally 
 healthy and is able rightly to direct her life, there 
 is no reason why she should dread this expe- 
 rience. She should realize, before attempting 
 any such serious step as this, that she is not the 
 only person concerned. The husband and pros- 
 pective father has a right to be considered. The 
 child is his as much as hers. Moreover, they 
 
 142
 
 THE CRIME OF ABORTION 
 
 should both realize that their child belongs also 
 to the nation. Today we appreciate this fact as 
 never before, because we realize that the nation's 
 life depends upon the new individuals contin- 
 ually coming into existence. 
 
 If it is not desirable to have children at any 
 particular time, then husband and wife should 
 strive for that self-control which will free them 
 from these responsibilities. Wives are very apt 
 to say that they cannot control these matters of 
 marital intimacy. The husband considers that 
 he has certain rights, and he requires the wife's 
 acquiescence. It may be that is true in many in- 
 stances. In other cases, however, I have no doubt 
 that if the wife were properly to approach the 
 husband upon this subject, she might be able to 
 bring him into a state of mind where he would be 
 willing to show more consideration for her. Hus- 
 hands sometimes have a keener appreciation of 
 the wife's position and a truer desire to protect 
 her, even from themselves, than the wife gives 
 them credit for having. Surely every right- 
 minded man would much prefer at least to make 
 the effort to gain such self-control, than to put 
 his wife in a position where she is tempted to 
 commit so terrible a crime as that of abortion. 
 
 It will be well for every woman to understand 
 that no method has ever been devised for child- 
 murder which is even tolerably safe for the 
 woman. The methods employed even by so- 
 called experts in this terrible profession are 
 questionable and often dangerous to life. 
 
 143
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 Women should also understand that there is no 
 "medicine" which is sure to produce the desired 
 effects. Most of the remedies that are adver- 
 tised and sold for such purposes are entirely 
 worthless, being made not so much to produce 
 the desired effect as for the purpose of making 
 money for their manufacturers. These reap a 
 fortune from the gullibility of their victims. The 
 same is true of the female "regulators" that are 
 put on the market under different names. 
 
 The victim of abortion rarely regains the full 
 degree of health which she enjoyed before. She 
 is always liable to further miscarriages, and she 
 must always carry in her mind the consciousness 
 of having taken the life of her own offspring. 
 
 It is, of course, true that in very exceptional 
 cases it becomes impossible, either because of 
 accident, malformation, or disease, for a woman 
 to carry her child to full term without thereby 
 sacrificing the life both of herself and the child. 
 Such a serious matter, however, can only be de- 
 cided upon rightly by wise and honorable phy- 
 sicians. If the conclusion of such a consultation 
 is that both mother and child are in danger of 
 losing their lives if Nature is allowed to take her 
 course, it may be necessary to sacrifice the life 
 of the unborn in order to save the living. Only 
 under such circumstances, is it permissible to 
 deprive the embryo of its existence. 
 
 It would hardly seem necessary to say anything 
 upon the subject of infanticide, and yet we do 
 hear occasionally of poor, unfortunate women 
 
 144
 
 THE CRIME OF ABORTION 
 
 whose children seem to them to be a badge of 
 shame and who add to their first wrong-doing by 
 deliberately killing their offspring. No right- 
 minded woman, no matter how deeply she may 
 feel the disgrace of bringing a so-called fatherless 
 child into the world, would deliberately add to 
 her guilt by this crime. Let Society not forget, 
 however, that a man who leads a woman into 
 wrong-doing and then deliberately leaves her to 
 bear her shame alone is as responsible for her 
 crime as she is herself. Let us hope that the day 
 is coming when all motherhood will be held sac- 
 red, and provision will be made for the proper 
 care of every child, so that no mother may feel 
 it necessary to lay such a burden of guilt upon 
 herself. 
 
 145
 
 CHAPTER XXVI 
 The Pros and Cons of Birth Control 
 
 IT is natural to consider the subject of birth con- 
 trol in connection with that of abortion, be- 
 cause it is one of the chief arguments of the ad- 
 vocates of the former plan that it would reduce 
 the amount of what has been termed the Ameri- 
 can crime, because it is so common among 
 American women. It is, of course, true that if 
 some method could be found for preventing 
 conception, no one would feel the necessity for 
 producing an abortion. 
 
 There are many conditions in which it would 
 seem to be undesirable for children to be brought 
 into the world. If, for example, both parents 
 are tubercular, the probability is that any child 
 born to them will be so lacking in vitality that 
 it will be almost impossible for it to develop 
 into a healthy, normal human being. To be 
 sure, the parents may, by proper living, over- 
 come their tubercular condition to such a de- 
 gree that the children would have a fair start; 
 but until they have reached the desired degree 
 of healthful vigor, it would seem best that they 
 should not be allowed to propagate. 
 
 If, again, the husband is addicted to alcohol, 
 the wife may feel that, for the sake of protecting 
 her children from being conceived under the most 
 detrimental conditions, she should take whatever 
 
 146
 
 BIRTH CONTROL 
 
 steps are in her power to prevent the starting 
 of their lives. Again, it may be that neither 
 parent has any love for children or desire for 
 them, and it would seem under such conditions 
 that it would be most unfair to the children to 
 call them into existence. Or, again, while the 
 parents may be ready and willing to increase the 
 size of the family at proper intervals, the 
 mother's health may demand for a certain pe- 
 riod freedom from the burdens of pregnancy and 
 childbearing. Lastly, we may consider the case 
 of parents whose means are too limited to per- 
 mit them properly to care for a large family, 
 and who are therefore compelled by economic 
 reasons to limit the size of the family. 
 
 We must admit that in every instance it is pos- 
 sible for parents to exercise birth control through 
 self-control. There are many, however, who feel 
 that their health demands this relationship at 
 reasonable intervals; and yet they do not feel 
 able to accept the burdens of parenthood that it 
 naturally entails. 
 
 All of these appear to be legitimate reasons 
 for the use of birth-control methods. Yet it 
 must be realized that we have not had sufficient 
 time to observe the true consequence of the 
 methods proposed. The majority of the me- 
 chanical devices used for this purpose are known 
 to be harmful some of them extremely so 
 and they should be scrupulously avoided. It is 
 difficult to see how this could fail to be the case 
 when one considers the sensitiveness of the deli- 
 
 147 
 
 ll
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 cate membranes of the sex organs. Some of the 
 medicinal methods suggested are equally harm- 
 ful. It is, indeed, difficult to find a contraceptive 
 which is absolutely harmless, and it is well proven 
 to be impossible to find one which is absolutely 
 certain. 
 
 The majority of methods used have in them 
 the possibility of injury to the delicate lining 
 membrane of the female organs, and, as a result, 
 are more or less painful and distasteful to the 
 woman. In fact, to many, the whole idea will 
 be most repugnant, because it takes away from 
 the marital act its most essential characteristic 
 of spontaneity. Ideally this physical union 
 should come simply as the highest point in a pas- 
 sion which has arisen spontaneously and has 
 led, by natural steps, to this final culmination. 
 To deliberately plan it is, as many feel, to de- 
 prive it of its element of spirituality and to place 
 it upon the grosser plane of mere physical pleas- 
 ure. 
 
 Most of the arguments which are set forth in 
 favor of birth-control methods are based upon 
 conditions which are in themselves of a tempor- 
 ary nature. If husbands and wives will but make 
 the effort they can change or remove these con- 
 ditions. We have gradually learned to control 
 even our appetite for food through an under- 
 standing of the function of food in the building of 
 bodily tissue, so it would seem that eventually 
 we will also come to the point where we can 
 control sex powers through an understanding 
 
 148
 
 BIRTH CONTROL 
 
 of their purpose in life. Until that time it may 
 be necessary for some to take advantage of other 
 methods for relieving themselves of burdens 
 which seem to them unbearable, but the ideal to- 
 ward which the human race should ever strive 
 must always be that of self-control. 
 
 While there may be instances in which it may 
 seem to be allowable to make use of some of these 
 birth-control methods, it can never be consid- 
 ered legitimate, by any right-minded person, to 
 make use of them simply for the sake of exces- 
 sive indulgence. It must be remembered that 
 the most serious effects upon the human organ- 
 ism come, not from bearing children, but from 
 excessive sexual indulgence. The process of 
 childbearing, under normal conditions, is, after 
 all, a natural one, and therefore does not ordin- 
 arily produce any deleterious effects. The mar- 
 riage relation, however, may make a great drain 
 upon the nervous system of both parties, and, 
 if indulged in too frequently, must inevitably 
 result in a serious condition of depletion which 
 will lead to still graver consequences. If we 
 could look over the records of the cases of women 
 in our sanitariums, we would discover that, while 
 a very small proportion had been brought there 
 by childbearing, a great many had had their 
 health wrecked by marital excesses. This being 
 the case, it would be well for married people still 
 to bear in mind the ideal of self-control, even 
 though they may think it necessary to make use 
 of birth-control methods. 
 
 149
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 There is one other matter which must be con- 
 sidered in this connection which I have already 
 dealt with fully in my corresponding volume, 
 "Manhood and Marriage," and may therefore 
 quote here verbatim. 
 
 "In this connection w r e may say emphatically 
 that any departure from the strictly natural char- 
 acter of the sex relation is almost certain to re- 
 act injuriously upon both parties. Once the 
 marital act has been commenced, it should be 
 carried through to a natural completion, or it 
 will prove harmful. It might even be said that 
 when once the passions of both have been aroused 
 to the point at which the marital relation is 
 physiologically demanded, then it should be car- 
 ried through if the question of the health of both 
 parties is to be considered. Not to do this, means 
 not only more or less nervous derangement, but 
 serious congestion of the parts involved, pro- 
 ducing weakness and inflammation. But the 
 physiological results are naturally far more se- 
 rious if the relation has only been commenced 
 and then is interrupted before it has been com- 
 pleted. This practice, often spoken of as with- 
 idrawal, consists in termination of the sexual rela- 
 tion just previous to the climax or moment of 
 highest intensity. This naturally involves a 
 severe shock to the nervous centers concerned, 
 and cannot fail to be injurious both locally and 
 to the general system. It is debilitating to the 
 man, but it is usually an outrage upon the 
 woman. The relation, if entered into at all, 
 
 150
 
 BIRTH CONTROL 
 
 should be carried through slowly in an absolutely 
 natural manner, resulting in the orgasm or cli- 
 max being experienced by both husband and 
 wife. If this does not occur to both, then it is 
 devitalizing in its effect. Men who practice 
 other methods of intercourse, or who for a term 
 of years selfishly satisfy themselves without suf- 
 ficiently prolonging the relations to also satisfy 
 the wife, gradually experience a lessening of the 
 power of ejaculation, which either is retarded 
 or becomes more and more premature. They 
 also develop a train of symptoms characteristic 
 of nervous disorders, as well as digestive and 
 other functional disturbances." 
 
 151
 
 CHAPTER XXVII 
 
 Heredity and Prenatal Influence 
 
 HEREDITY is a subject which is, as yet, 
 only partly understood by the most ad- 
 vanced thinkers and largely misunderstood by 
 the general public. We hear, for example, that 
 someone has inherited consumption or some 
 other disease, whereas in reality what is passed 
 on is not the diseae itself but simply a weakness 
 of the physical constitution which makes it more 
 prone to succumb to the attacks of this particu- 
 lar disease. There is a lowered state of the vital 
 forces which renders the body particularly sus- 
 ceptible to attacks of this kind. The same may 
 be true of other diseases. 
 
 It may readily be seen from the above that, 
 while one may inherit a tendency toward one 
 form of weakness or another, there is no reason 
 why one should sit down in hopelessness and 
 give up to the inherited tendency. Rather should 
 the knowledge that such a weakness exists spur 
 one on to greater effort toward building up one's 
 vital forces. It is always possible to add to the 
 amount of vitality which we receive at the be- 
 ginning of our existence, and the duty rests upon 
 us to do so in order that our offspring may re- 
 ceive a better start in life than that with which 
 we were blessed. That this is possible has been 
 demonstrated in innumerable instances. 
 
 152
 
 PRENATAL INFLUENCE 
 
 There are two poisons which may well be 
 termed "racial poisons," because they make a di- 
 rect attack upon the germ plasm. One is the 
 poison of alcohol; the other is the poison of sy- 
 philis. These facts should be carefully consid- 
 ered by all who have the welfare of future gen- 
 erations at heart. Could these two poisons be 
 removed from the bodies of the human race and 
 the natural tendency of the living germ plasm 
 to maintain its force and vigor be allowed undis- 
 turbed sway, who can say to what heights of 
 vigorous development we might not attain ! 
 
 Although parents are markedly able to affect 
 the inheritance their children are to receive 
 through their own bodies, they are not able to 
 change the heritage of previous generations. It 
 is for this reason that young people contemplat- 
 ing marriage should know something of each 
 other's family history. The discovery of insan- 
 ity, epilepsy, idiocy, alcoholism, or syphilis, in 
 the ancestry of an individual should make one 
 pause before choosing such an inheritance for 
 one's offspring. A single case of such afflictions 
 may not be serious enough to warrant the break- 
 ing of an engagement, but a long line of such 
 cases would be more than sufficient to make such 
 a decision imperative. In the case of tuberculo- 
 sis, while one would not intentionally choose a 
 tuberculous individual for a parent, the mere 
 fact that in the past there have been tubercular 
 individuals in the family need not necessarily 
 cause a panic of fear. Tubercular tendencies can 
 
 153
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 be overcome through simple diet, outdoor living 
 and vigorous exercise. 
 
 The gift of inheritance which we are to hand 
 on to our children has been partly decided for 
 us, but our own physical condition at the time 
 that the gift of life is bestowed rests entirely 
 within us. Ideally considered, those who con- 
 template becoming parents should see to it that 
 they are in the finest possible physical condition 
 before they assume the great responsibility of be- 
 stowing life, for if they cannot directly affect the 
 inheritance of their children, the building of the 
 child's bodily organism during the nine months 
 preceding birth is largely within their control. 
 
 The physical integrity of the child's body will 
 depend, in very large degree, upon the quality 
 of the material furnished by the mother's blood 
 during this vitally important time. Not only 
 will her physical condition be affected by the 
 food she eats, the air she breathes and the exer- 
 cise which she takes, but it also will be affected by 
 her thoughts and emotions. Fear, anxiety, worry, 
 jealousy all of these negative emotions have 
 a depressing and disturbing effect upon the phy- 
 sical organism and therefore really produce poi- 
 sons which, carried in the stream of the blood, 
 may react deleteriously upon the forming em- 
 bryo. Here is where the husband can be of great 
 assistance in protecting the expectant mother as 
 much as possible from these undesirable emo- 
 tions, and encouraging her to master and rise 
 above those conditions which cannot be avoided. 
 
 154
 
 PRENATAL INFLUENCE 
 
 The husband's loving, watchful solicitude will 
 do more than anything else in the world to maks 
 these nine months a period of happiness and har- 
 mony, and will, therefore, contribute directly to 
 the welfare of his child. 
 
 That the mother possesses great influence over 
 her child during these nine months has been 
 believed from time immemorial. Many of these 
 ancient beliefs have been proven false by the dis- 
 coveries of science. It is no longer believed that 
 an ungratified appetite on the part of the mother 
 will result in some unfortunate marking of the 
 child. Where the mother's desires are for things 
 not detrimental to her, there is no reason why 
 her wishes should not be gratified ; but if her ap- 
 petite seems abnormal and the things desired in- 
 advisable, she can produce the best effect upon 
 her child by having enough strength of will to 
 put aside cheerfully her own wishes in accord- 
 ance with the advice of her physician. 
 
 It is doubtful if even a great shock to the 
 mother at this time will have any direct effect 
 upon the child, though it may be indirectly inju- 
 rious through the impaired health and nutrition 
 of the former. The probability is that the mother 
 who has self-control enough to meet the dis- 
 agreeable experiences of life with courage and 
 optimism will, by her very attitude of mind, pro- 
 tect her offspring from any deleterious results. 
 The mere sight of one who is crippled or de- 
 formed should not produce any effect upon the 
 child in utero and will not, unless the mother al- 
 
 155
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 , lows herself to be thrown into hysterics through 
 such an experience, or otherwise to exhibit an 
 unfortunate weakness of will power. 
 
 Let it be understood that the body of the child 
 is practically complete by the end of the third 
 month. In the majority of instances, the occur- 
 rence which the mother thinks of as the possible 
 cause of a certain physical formation in her child 
 will be found to have taken place after she had 
 felt the sign of quickening, which does not come, 
 as a rule, until the child is four and a half months 
 along. 
 
 The important thing for the mother during this 
 period is to remain serene and well-poised in 
 spirit, knowing that this attitude of mind is most 
 conducive to the best possible condition of the 
 body. 
 
 The fact that peevish, fretful babies are some- 
 times born to women who have spent their nine 
 months of pregnancy in weeping and bemoaning 
 their condition would seem to indicate that there 
 is some relation between the attitude of the 
 mother's mind during this period and the dispo- 
 sition of the child. Certain it is that the child 
 who is desired, planned for and welcomed from 
 the moment of his conception, comes into the 
 world in a much more harmonious state of mind 
 and body, probably because of the better quality 
 of blood from which it has drawn its sustenance. 
 On the other hand, pregnancies which have been 
 .attended with much sorrow and trouble have 
 
 156
 
 PRENATAL INFLUENCE 
 
 often resulted in the happiest babies. Almost 
 every one knows cases of this kind. 
 
 The reason why it is important for women to 
 know and understand the truth on this subject 
 is because faith in the old theory of maternal 
 impressions is in itself a cause of worry and ill- 
 health. The woman who fears that she has 
 "marked" or is going to "mark" her unborn 
 child, loses sleep, exhausts her nervous system 
 and deranges her health generally, worrying 
 over these expected results. 
 
 Only recently a letter was received from a 
 woman who had been reading about these sup- 
 posed prenatal influences and who, even though 
 she did not have complete faith in the old the- 
 ory, yet was so harassed by doubt upon the 
 subject that she could not bring herself to the 
 state of mind in which she would be willing to 
 have children. Her one great desire in life was 
 for motherhood, but through her fears as to the 
 possibilities of marking her child by various ex- 
 periences, and seeing it "cursed before birth," 
 she had up to that time denied herself this bless- 
 ing. In a case like this, also, the theory of pre- 
 natal influence is vicious in character and result. 
 It is nothing short of a calamity for a woman 
 who desires children to be deprived of them on 
 any account. 
 
 If a woman can feel that, with general condi- 
 tions of good health, she can go through the expe- 
 rience of pregnancy and have a normal, healthy 
 baby irrespective of her mental activities and 
 
 157
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 experiences during this period, she will then 
 find joy in the experience and feel free to con- 
 centrate all her energies on the program neces- 
 sary for the maintenance of vigorous physical 
 health and good nutrition. 
 
 Many there are who have believed that children 
 could be influenced to certain professions, or 
 could have developed within them remarkable 
 qualities by the mother's study or trend of 
 thought during pregnancy. For example, one 
 woman will endeavor to make a mathematical 
 prodigy of her child by devoting the nine months 
 to a study of mathematics. Another will try to 
 produce a musical genius by devoting her time 
 to music, while a third will endeavor to turn her 
 child in the direction of science by reading the 
 works and studying the lives of scientists. The 
 theory is a beautiful one, but it does not seem 
 to work out in practice. Of course, if the mother 
 is already musically inclined, with much native 
 ability, her offspring will show the same char- 
 acteristics, probably to about the same degree, 
 whether she practices much during that period or 
 not. It is hereditary. If, however, the mother 
 and father lack musical ability, it is rather hope- 
 less to expect the child to show it, unless some 
 of his other progenitors had that capacity. I 
 know of one instance in which a mother made 
 such an effort to develop a musical temperament 
 in a family having no ear for music on either 
 side. The child showed absolutely no capacity 
 for learning music, in spite of the fact that the 
 
 158
 
 PRENATAL INFLUENCE 
 
 mother had practiced most assiduously during 
 her nine months. It was noticed, however, that 
 the boy did show a remarkable degree of perse- 
 verance in whatever he undertook. Possibly 
 her determination and stick-to-itiveness had con- 
 tributed somewhat to that result. But that, too, 
 may have come as a matter of heredity. He was 
 merely the son of his mother, in that respect. 
 
 The most important thing for every human 
 being, however, is to be born into the world with 
 a healthy, vigorous body and a well-poised, har- 
 monious mind, and this, particularly, all parents 
 should seek to insure to their children. As one 
 writer has said, "What one habitually is, not 
 what one occasionally or periodically does, has 
 the greatest influence in determining the char- 
 acter of one's children." 
 
 159
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII 
 The Requirements of Pregnancy 
 
 THE young wife who finds herself pregnant 
 for the first time is very apt to allow her- 
 self, first of all, to entertain a feeling of fear. 
 She knows little of the experience which is before 
 her, and doubtless looks upon it as a form of ill- 
 ness. The first thing for her to learn, there- 
 fore, is that pregnancy is a perfectly normal ex- 
 perience. There is nothing about it that she 
 needs to fear, especially if she is wise enough to 
 follow the teachings of hygiene. If she keeps her- 
 self in a perfectly normal, healthy condition, she 
 has nothing to be afraid of. 
 
 The girl who has always led an active outdoor 
 life is much better equippd for motherhood than 
 the one who has played the fine lady and, by va- 
 rious forms of self-indulgence, allowed her phy- 
 sical organism to deteriorate. The latter will 
 need to devote especial attention to building up 
 her general condition in order that she may meet 
 successfully the requirements of this period. 
 
 If the pregnant woman has followed a sedentary 
 life, or is not over-strong, she should be partic- 
 ularly careful not to lift anything that is very 
 heavy, not to do any reaching after things above 
 her head, as under such circumstances these two 
 forms of activity are liable to bring on a mis- 
 
 160
 
 PREGNANCY 
 
 carriage. She should also be careful to avoid all 
 jolting, particularly such as might come from a 
 fall. 
 
 It is difficult for young women to appreciate 
 the importance of following these simple direc- 
 tions. They are apt to say, if cautioned, "Oh, 
 I'm not going to give in to it in any such silly 
 way as that," or, "I don't want to make an old 
 crone out of myself," which simply shows that 
 they have no comprehension of the true state of 
 affairs. 
 
 Their bodily organism is being called upon to 
 adjust itself to an entirely new condition. The 
 uterus and its appendages are surcharged and 
 unusually heavy. There is a delicacy of adjust- 
 ment during these first two or three months 
 which may very easily be upset in the ways indi- 
 cated. It is during these early months that mis- 
 carriages are most likely to occur. 
 
 Young wives should know that miscarriages 
 are much more dangerous than normal child- 
 birth, and, moreover, if a miscarriage occurs 
 once, there is always a liability to its recurrence 
 in any future pregnancy. For this reason, they 
 should be particularly careful when carrying 
 their first child. If through any inadvertance 
 they suffer a fall, we will say, and feel a few 
 little pains in the region of the uterus, let them at 
 once put a chair face downward upon the bed and 
 place themselves upon it, with their lower limbs 
 raised upon the inclined back of the chair in such 
 a way that the hips will be markedly raised above 
 
 161
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 the shoulders, and let them remain in this posi- 
 tion for an hour or two. If done at once, this may 
 avert possible disastrous consequences. 
 
 The girl who has lived an athletic life needs to 
 change her habits very little. She also should be 
 careful during the first few months not to be too 
 venturesome in lifting or stretching, but if, for 
 example, she has been accustomed to horseback 
 riding, there is no need for her to give it up for 
 some little time. Any other form of activity that 
 her body is used to, she may very well continue. 
 
 Outdoor life, as much of it as can be secured, 
 is the very best thing for women in this condi- 
 tion. Their blood must be purified by the oxygen 
 and sent racing through their veins by active 
 exercise, in order that the little new life may 
 receive the best possible nourishment. 
 
 Expectant mothers are sometimes urged to eat 
 a very large amount, because they are "eating 
 for two," as it is called. This is a mistaken no- 
 tion. They should eat only what their system 
 can easily assimilate ; more than that is a burden 
 to the body. If it is their habit to use only the 
 most hygienic foods, they need not change their 
 diet in any particular. If, however, they have 
 been accustomed to highly spiced foods, to tea 
 and coffee, and alcoholic drinks, they will be ma- 
 terially benefiting their child's body if they will 
 put aside all of these unnatural stimulants and 
 content themselves with those simple foods which 
 contribute in greatest degree to bone and muscle 
 structure. 
 
 162
 
 PREGNANCY 
 
 Sometimes the young woman becomes obsessed 
 with the idea that she must have a certain article 
 of diet. If there is no special objection to it on 
 the part of her physician, well and good. If, 
 however, it is particularly detrimental to her, she 
 should not allow herself to be overcome with the 
 fear that the deprivation of this particular food 
 will be in any least way detrimental to her child. 
 The old theory that a child would be marked if 
 the mother was deprived in this way has been 
 thoroughly disproved. Her self-control in refus- 
 ing to take that which is not good for her can 
 have but a beneficial effect upon the little li'fe that 
 is forming. 
 
 The Greeks believed that a great effect was 
 produced upon the child by the surroundings in 
 which the expectant mother lived. So they saw 
 to it that their mothers-to-be lived in the midst 
 of the beauties of Nature and the most wonder- 
 ful productions of man's art. The custom was 
 indeed a beautiful one, and if it had no direct 
 effect upon the unborn children, must have ex- 
 erted a favorable influence indirectly, because 
 it contributed to the mental repose and happi- 
 ness of the mothers. Our country has not yet 
 arrived at the point, however, of viewing this 
 matter in its .manifest relation to the national 
 resources. Consequently each woman must de- 
 pend upon her own immediate family for what- 
 ever beautiful surroundings she is to have, and 
 many are compelled to live under such circum- 
 stances that these comforts and luxuries are de- 
 
 12 163
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 nied to them. Even here, however, the mother 
 need not feel discouraged, for she can know 
 that only those things which she allows to affect 
 her will be able to exert any influence through 
 her upon her child. Even though disappoint- 
 ment and disaster come upon her at this time, if 
 she meets it all in a spirit of courage and optim- 
 ism her child will feel the inspiring effect of her 
 attitude of hopefulness. Thus she may turn even 
 the hard lessons of life into a benefit for her 
 little one. 
 
 There was a time in this country when it was 
 not supposed to be quite the thing for the expec- 
 tant mother to engage in social life, even of the 
 most modest sort. She was expected to immure 
 herself within the four walls of home throughout 
 almost the whole of this important period. This 
 fallacious idea is happily passing away, thanks, 
 partly to the maternity dresses which are now so 
 artistically designed and comfortably made. No 
 young woman in this condition need feel the 
 least bit conspicuous, and she should understand, 
 as should those about her, that now as never be- 
 fore she needs all of the happiness and inspira- 
 tion which comes through healthful social life. 
 Let her go with her husband to intimate social 
 gatherings and attend concerts and other forms 
 of recreation which will not make too great a 
 demand upon her physical powers or her sleeping 
 hours. When the time comes, however, as it will 
 ultimately, when her activities must be tempor- 
 arily restricted, let her accept these limitations 
 
 164
 
 PREGNANCY 
 
 cheerfully, realizing that they are but a small 
 part of the price which it is only right should be 
 paid for the priceless treasure which is to come 
 into her life. 
 
 One very important question will come up for 
 husband and wife to consider at this time, and 
 that is as to whether or not the marriage relation 
 should be entered into during these nine months. 
 There have been men who have taken the posi- 
 tion that, since the woman need no longer fear 
 the "consequences," she should now give her- 
 self up unreservedly to the husband's demands. 
 This way of looking at the matter does not take 
 into account the welfare of the expectant mother, 
 or that of the child. These considerations, it 
 would seem to any right-thinking individual, 
 must be paramount. Furthermore the husband 
 is injured by these relations at this time. It is 
 a drain upon his nervous system for which there 
 is no compensation. 
 
 And when one thinks for a moment of the tre- 
 mendous drain that is being made upon the wife's 
 physical being at this time, it would seem that 
 a consideration of this fact would completely end 
 all thought of any further demand upon her. She 
 is engaged in the greatest, the most supreme 
 task allotted to the human race, and to that she 
 should be consecrated. 
 
 If we study the habits of the lower animals who 
 are monogamous, we will find there obedience to 
 a law which it would seem the human kind would 
 do well to follow also. Among these lower forms 
 
 165
 
 of life, it is always the female who chooses the 
 time when she will allow this relationship to be 
 entered into. It is only when her system is most 
 fully adapted to the requirements of pregnancy 
 and when the conditions of Nature itself are fav- 
 orable, that she will permit the approach of the 
 male. Moreover, when she has become pregnant, 
 she will resist with tooth and nail all efforts at 
 approach, and her wishes in this particular are 
 respected by her male companions. Would it 
 not seem that the same prerogative should be 
 allowed to womankind, and that man's intelli- 
 gence would lead him to understand her need for 
 freedom from his approach at this time ? 
 
 There are physiological reasons why, for these 
 nine months, the pregnant woman should be thus 
 unmolested. In the first place, sexual indulgence 
 at this time has a direct weakening effect upon 
 the parts concerned, with a resultant irritation 
 and congestion which would be unfavorable to 
 natural and easy childbirth. This is a matter of 
 the utmost importance to the woman, and, it 
 would seem, to the husband as well. In the sec- 
 ond place, it is found that intimacies of this kind 
 at this time have a tendency to produce, or great- 
 ly to aggravate, the condition of nausea or 
 "morning sickness" which many pregnant 
 women experience. A third reason makes absti- 
 nence still more imperative. It has been found 
 that a large percentage of miscarriages are the 
 direct result of abuse of the sexual relation by 
 inconsiderate, exacting husbands. Surely a lov- 
 
 166
 
 PREGNANCY 
 
 ing husband and prospective father would gladly 
 deny himself that which would seem to be abnor- 
 mal indulgence in view of the fact that it may 
 result in the loss of his unborn child. Loving 
 consideration of his wife at this time will do more 
 than anything else to endear him to her. She will 
 find in his restraint the truest indication that his 
 heart is filled with love for her, and that his per- 
 sonal wishes are subordinated to his love. 
 
 The husband has many opportunities during 
 this wonderful time, when his wife is carrying 
 his child within her body, to express his devotion 
 in ways that will be conducive to her welfare, 
 and therefore the welfare of their offspring. The 
 physical requirements of pregnancy call for 
 freedom from mental strain and exciting work. 
 All the vitality and reserve strength possible are 
 needed by the wife during this time. The hus- 
 band should watch over her in every way in his 
 power, keeping worry away from her, encourag- 
 ing her to be in the open air as much as possible, 
 seeing to it that she has plenty of sleep, and in all 
 ways contributing to her happiness. 
 
 It is possible that the wife will not be quite her- 
 self while carrying this extra load. She may be 
 cross, irritable, moody, depressed. In all these 
 matters the husband must have patience with her. 
 At the same time the wife should realize that it 
 is not necessary to give herself up to these feel- 
 ings. By effort of will, she can throw them off, 
 and every time she does so she is contributing to 
 the welfare of her child. 
 
 167
 
 CHAPTER XXIX 
 Why Children Are Necessary to Happiness 
 
 HUMAN beings are seeking always for self- 
 expression. As children, they express 
 themselves in their play. When they reach ma- 
 turity they find self-expression in both play and 
 work; but in these ways alone they do not find 
 complete manifestation of the inner self. With- 
 out any doubt, this is one great reason for the 
 overwhelming desire of all normal human be- 
 ings to have children. These helpless little crea- 
 tures who come into our homes reproduce our 
 features, our traits, our qualities, and we have 
 the hope that they will more fully realize our 
 ambitions than we have been able to do. Just 
 when the burden of life is becoming heaviest, 
 and we have begun to lose the keen zest for 
 action which in earlier days made every effort 
 seem worth while, these fresh young lives spring 
 up around us. By their enthusiasm and their 
 overflowing spirits they thrill us anew with the 
 joy of living, and we look out upon life through 
 their eyes with renewed and increased powers of 
 enjoyment. 
 
 Those who have been deprived of the joy of 
 children withdraw more or less completely into 
 themselves, and look upon life as observers from 
 the outside. Those, however, to whom have been 
 
 168
 
 CHILDREN ARE NECESSARY 
 
 granted the joys of parenthood are drawn into 
 the main currents of life by their ever-active off- 
 spring, and thus are practically compelled to keep 
 young. They find that their children's triumphs 
 bring them greater joy than did their own in 
 the years gone by, and they find a peculiar pleas- 
 ure in using for their children's welfare the wis- 
 dom which they have gained through life's hard 
 knocks. Everything now that they have endured 
 seems more worth while, because it has more com- 
 pletely equipped them for the successful direc- 
 tion and care of these young lives. No struggle 
 is too severe, no sacrifice too great, if it but con- 
 tribute to the happiness of these loved depen- 
 dents. The day's labor is sweeteend for them by 
 the thought of the happiness that is to come to 
 the children through their efforts. They work 
 not for the uninteresting reward of gain, or their 
 own livelihood, but with the inspiring purpose 
 of bringing to these keen young creatures as 
 much as possible of the pleasures and possibili- 
 ties of life. 
 
 In a home where there are no children the in- 
 terests are very circumscribed. There are only 
 two to contribute to the subjects of conversation, 
 or to the account of daily experiences. Where 
 children gather about the board, however, there 
 is no lack of subjects of discussion, of laughter, 
 and of that hopefulness which dispels all clouds 
 and prevents any settled gloom. 
 
 It is sometimes hard, when the children are 
 little, for the mother to be obliged to sacrifice 
 
 169
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 her days and nights to their physical care. The 
 father, it may be, gets a little stoop-shouldered 
 as he drudges day after day to earn their daily 
 bread. But as the years go by the rewards be- 
 come greater and greater. Often only in old age 
 do the parents really discover that the sacrifices 
 of those early years are now bringing their full 
 reward. 
 
 We cannot measure the development of char- 
 acter which comes through the care and train- 
 ing of children. In order to control them, we 
 must learn self-control. Ingenuity is developed, 
 undreamed-of capabilities unfolded, self-sacrifice 
 and devotion encouraged, through the care of the 
 children. In fact, if one were to go into a study 
 of the development of the human race it would 
 be discovered that it was by the pressing needs 
 of their little ones that primitive man and woman 
 were forced to take the first steps of that upward 
 path which leads to what we call civilization. 
 For themselves, man and woman might have 
 been content with things as they were; but the 
 discomforts suffered by their offspring drove 
 them to making unaccustomed efforts for their 
 relief. In that way, and in that way alone, did 
 the human race achieve its mastery of the ma- 
 terial universe, and, without doubt, it is through 
 the service of their young that the human race 
 will go on to the unf oldment of the highest spirit- 
 ual faculties which they possess. 
 
 170
 
 CHAPTER XXX 
 The Question of Money 
 
 THE second big reef upon which the matri- 
 monial bark is in danger of being ship- 
 wrecked is the question of money. If all other 
 matters are satisfactorily adjusted, while this re- 
 mains a thorn in the flesh of one or the other 
 member of the partnership, there is bound to be 
 disagreement and unhappiness, with the ever- 
 present possibility of an ultimate breaking away 
 from a situation which has grown to be intoler- 
 able. 
 
 There was a time when man and wife were 
 looked upon as one, and that one was supposed 
 to be the husband. His will was supreme. He 
 owned the home, the furniture in it, the clothes 
 on his wife's back, and many times he thought he 
 owned her also, body and soul. The wife had no 
 money of her own ; she was not supposed to need 
 any. Even men of great wealth, with this atti- 
 tude of mind, would refuse to allow their wives 
 a penny for their own personal use. These un- 
 happy women could not have the pleasure of pay- 
 ing cash for anything, whether they were pur- 
 chasing household supplies or their own personal 
 equipment; all must be charged to the account 
 of the overlord. This gave him the privilege of 
 growling over the bills as they came in each 
 month and grumbling at the wife's extravagance. 
 
 171
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 She therefore lived in a constant attitude of fear. 
 She did not dare breathe without the permission 
 of her lord and master. 
 
 This relationship of master and slave is always 
 a degrading one, not only to the slave, whose 
 soul is subjected to continual indignities, but 
 equally so to the tyrant, whose harsher and more 
 cruel qualities are accentuated through the fre- 
 quent opportunities offered to him for their ex- 
 pression. 
 
 Fortunately for the human race, this idea is 
 gradually passing away. With the increased 
 economic independence of woman, her more gen- 
 eral participation in public activities; and the rec- 
 ognition of her rights as a citizen, has come an 
 appreciation of her value in the home which has 
 given her a position of ever-increasing impor- 
 tance and power. No self-respecting man today 
 wishes to tyrannize over his wife, even though he 
 may still have something of an idea of the super- 
 iority of the male sex and the desirability of his 
 keeping a firm hand on the helm. 
 
 A great many people of the present time have 
 found a solution for the financial problem which 
 works fairly well in a good many cases. This is 
 the allowance system, the husband giving the 
 wife a certain amount of money each month 
 which she may call her own, and may spend as 
 her fancy dictates. Sometimes this allowance is 
 intended to cover all the expenses of the home, 
 her personal expenses being included. Under 
 such conditions the wife is very apt to spend al- 
 
 172
 
 THE QUESTION OF MONEY 
 
 most all of the money upon the household needs, 
 neglecting herself at times to an unwise degree. 
 In other cases an allowance, proportionately 
 much smaller, is made for her own personal ex- 
 penses, and in this case she probably feels a little 
 more freedom to gratify her own wishes. 
 
 For a certain type of woman this arrangement 
 works very satisfactorily. If the wife has never 
 been financially independent, receiving simply 
 an allowance from her father in her girlhood, she 
 finds it not at all humiliating to receive an allow- 
 ance from her husband. She is willing to let him 
 decide how much of his salary he thinks he can 
 afford to let her have, and asks for nothing better 
 than this feeling of freedom within limits. 
 
 There is another type of woman, however, and 
 one who is coming more and more into evidence. 
 She left her father's house to enter the business 
 world, and had been financially independent for 
 years, it may be, before she was persuaded to give 
 up her own professional or business career to 
 make a home for a husband and children. She 
 does not like the idea of an allowance, because 
 it carries with it the suggestion that she is no 
 longer financially independent. Apparently, the 
 man earns the money and she lives on his earn- 
 ings. Feeling that the money is his, he gener- 
 ously condescends to give her a certain sum each 
 month which she can call her own. The feeling 
 of dependence is very galling to her, and, al- 
 though she may hot give expression to it, it be- 
 comes an increasing source of irritation. 
 
 173
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 This situation is not based upon a foundation 
 of justice. Therefore, it cannot be permanently 
 satisfactory. 
 
 What is the real situation between these two 
 individuals ? 
 
 We have here, in the first place, two indepen- 
 dent persons, each of whom is perfectly compe- 
 tent to earn his or her own living. They have de- 
 cided, however, that their lives will be richer, ful- 
 ler, more complete, if they join together in es- 
 tablishing a home. In other words, they enter 
 upon a partnership. The highest efficiency calls 
 for a division of labor. To make a success of 
 their joint undertaking, under present conditions, 
 the energies of one, as a rule, must be devoted 
 almost exclusively to the business of making and 
 maintaining a home, and caring fcr the children 
 who form so vital a part of the great undertaking. 
 The other must concentrate upon the business of 
 earning the money needed for the maintenance of 
 the home. In the majority of cases, it is found 
 advisable for the woman to undertake the first of 
 these labors and for the man to undertake the 
 second. 
 
 The time may be coming, when this will not be 
 so. It is quite possible, for example, that, as a 
 result of the present war, there will be cases 
 in which the man, having been deprived of the 
 power of earning a satisfactory income, can, with 
 better success, devote himself to the home-mak- 
 ing, while the woman continues to develop her 
 capacity in the business world where she has se- 
 
 174
 
 THE QUESTION OF MONEY 
 
 cured a footing while he was serving his country. 
 
 Whichever one is busy in maintaining the home 
 center, however, it should be understood by both 
 of them that that work is just as vital to the suc- 
 cess of the firm as the efforts of the one who goes 
 out into the arena of business. 
 
 It is difficult for the man, in the midst of his 
 varied activities, to realize how much of his suc- 
 cess he owes to the quiet persistency, the unfail- 
 ing confidence and faith, the ofttimes penetrat- 
 ing intuition, and the always helpful suggestions 
 of the little woman in the home. Deprive him 
 of her constant ministrations, and he will turn 
 out to be less than half of the man that he is 
 today. 
 
 All great men recognize this fact, and do not 
 hesitate to give full credit where credit is due. 
 "I owe my success to my wife," is heard re- 
 peatedly upon the lips of some of the greatest 
 men of our country, and we know that they are 
 speaking the truth. Smaller men are not so 
 ready to give open expression to their recognition 
 of this fact, for fear it may detract in some way 
 from their own reputation for business astute- 
 ness. 
 
 What, then, would seem to be a fair arrange- 
 ment of money matters between these co-equal 
 partners ? 
 
 In the first place, let it be understood that the 
 money which conies in is the joint product of 
 their personalities. The quiet work of the wife 
 in the Home is just as potent a force in the hus- 
 
 175
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 band's success as are his visible efforts. It should 
 be looked upon, therefore, as their income, not 
 simply as his salary or wages. 
 
 They have, then, a certain sum of money com- 
 ing to them each month. What will be the equit- 
 able division of this money ? It would seem to be 
 perfectly fair to set aside the sum absolutely es- 
 sential for the expenses of the home, and to di- 
 vide the remainder into two equal portions for 
 the personal expenditures of the pair. If the hus- 
 band has to meet some daily expenses, such as 
 carfare and lunches, the amount needed to meet 
 this drain upon his pocketbook should be taken 
 from the household expense money. There may 
 be other reasons for making the husband's 
 amount of spending money a little larger than 
 that of the wife, but this is a matter which will 
 be very easily adjusted, because, in the majority 
 of cases, the wife will be the first to recognize the 
 justice of such a procedure. The very fact that 
 her husband recognizes her as an equal partner 
 with himself will fill her with a desire to be 
 equally thoughtful and generous in her attitude 
 toward him. 
 
 In this connection, it may be well to consider a 
 little the question of money in relation to the 
 children, as they begin to develop into separate 
 individuals. 
 
 In many families the custom has prevailed of 
 giving the little ones pennies every once in a 
 while, with the injunction to run and buy a stick 
 of candy. This is deliberately training children 
 
 176
 
 THE QUESTION OF MONEY 
 
 in the spendthrift habit. They get the idea that 
 money is always to be spent immediately upon its 
 receipt, and so they grow up without the faintest 
 idea of the importance or value of saving. 
 
 A much better plan is it to begin as soon as the 
 children are old enough to enter school, for in- 
 stance, by giving them a little weekly allowance. 
 If no more at the beginning than a penny a week, 
 let them know that they can count upon this with 
 assurance, and then occasionally suggest to them 
 little purchases which will require the saving of 
 several weeks' allowance. Let the amount be in- 
 creased as the children grow older, and occasion- 
 ally give them an opportunity to earn an addi- 
 tional sum by some special piece of work. Not 
 that all of their duties in the home should be per- 
 formed for money, because this deprives them of 
 the feeling that a certain responsibility rests upon 
 them in the home, as well as upon the parents. 
 
 At the present time there are so many splendid 
 inducements for children to save, such as the sav- 
 ings banks in the public schools, that parents may 
 well begin at once to place small sums of money 
 regularly in the hands of children, and then see 
 to it that they are properly conserved. In this 
 way the valuable habit of saving may early be 
 established. 
 
 177
 
 CHAPTER XXXI 
 The Snare of the Boarding House 
 
 ONE of the temptations that assails young 
 people who are contemplating matri- 
 mony is to start their united life in a boarding 
 house. It seems to the young bride such an easy 
 way to solve the new problem that confronts her. 
 She knows her own inexperience, and it seems to 
 her it would be much easier and pleasanter to let 
 some one else cook the meals, do the marketing 
 and perform the many other tasks to which she 
 feels herself unequal. Then, too, as she may 
 sagely observe, you know just how much you're 
 going to spend each week when you are boarding, 
 whereas you are always in danger of running ex- 
 penses up a little higher when you're buying and 
 cooking for yourself. She may even persuade 
 herself that it would be better all around for her 
 to continue in business and so make it possible 
 for them to follow what seems to her to be an 
 ideal plan. 
 
 She may be right, in many respects, as to the 
 advantages of the plan ; but she probably has for- 
 gotten to consider the real price that one must 
 pay for all of these so-called comforts. 
 
 One does not realize, until one has tried the 
 experiment, how much the union of two lives 
 may depend upon the cheerful, intimate associa- 
 
 178
 
 THE BOARDING HOUSE SNARE 
 
 tion which is possible at mealtime , In rush sea- 
 sons that is often about the only time when the 
 wife will see her husband ; and it is most import- 
 ant, therefore, that this intimate companionship 
 shall not be destroyed by the constant presence 
 of outsiders. 
 
 The atmosphere of a boarding house is most 
 destructive of all that goes to make for a happy 
 married life. There is the carping criticism of 
 each other which the guests are sure to indulge in, 
 the daily gossip which inevitably goes on where 
 a number of more or less idle individuals are 
 gathered together and which so easily deterior- 
 ates into slander. There are the idle hours, if the 
 wife is not in business, which leaves her open to 
 all sorts of dangerous temptations. Frequent at- 
 tendance at afternoon teas in public places where 
 dancing takes place, and where questionable 
 characters are often to be met, is one form of al- 
 lurement which the young wife who is wise will 
 want to avoid. Frequent bridge parties, where 
 the spirit of gambling prevails, have led many a 
 young wife to incur indebtedness which has re- 
 sulted in her husband's financial ruin, and, it may 
 be, her own moral downfall. 
 
 It may seem preposterous to the young bride to 
 suggest that her devotion can ever wander from 
 her husband. But in the hours of unoccupied lei- 
 sure which may be hers in the boarding house, 
 she may easily be caught in the net of some fas- 
 cinating man who has nothing else to do but to 
 make himself agreeable to the feminine folk, and 
 
 179 
 
 13
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 without any disloyal intentions, bring disaster 
 upon her own head. 
 
 Even if these more tragic occurances do not 
 come to her, there is inevitably a tendency to in- 
 creased selfishness through living this sort of a 
 vlife. There is so little that she can do for her 
 husband under these conditions that by and by 
 she forgets what her duty in this respect really is. 
 She gets to think only of his obligation to provide 
 her with all the money she thinks she needs, and 
 she is constantly stimulated by the extravagances 
 of those about her to exceed the conservative 
 limit of expenditure. In other words, she be- 
 comes a real parasite, living upon his earnings 
 and giving him practically nothing in return for 
 it all. 
 
 Moreover it is never possible, in even the best 
 of boarding houses, to get food which is as health- 
 ful, or as daintily prepared, as it may be in one's 
 own little home. Probably the reason why so 
 many Americans suffer from indigestion is be- 
 cause so many of them live in hotels and board- 
 ing houses. A wife should make it her business 
 to see that her husband's digestion is kept as 
 nearly unimpaired as possible, and she should not 
 endeavor to shirk this responsibility. 
 
 180
 
 CHAPTER XXXII 
 The Question of Friends 
 
 IT is the natural impulse for two young people 
 who feel that in each other they have found 
 the whole universe, to be so satisfied with their 
 new relationship of marriage that they both quite 
 thoroughly neglect everybody else. Their rela- 
 tives, of course, will probably refuse to be neg- 
 lected. With the confidence which comes from 
 the familiar life ef the family, they will seek out 
 bride and groom upon occasion and drag them 
 forth to enjoy some of the family gatherings. 
 Their friends, however, not feeling the same as- 
 surance, will probably keep away until they re- 
 ceive an indication that their love and friendship 
 are still of value. 
 
 However happy the two may be in each other's 
 society, the time will come when they must face 
 the question as to what is to be their attitude 
 toward each other's friends. In fact, they must 
 even consider what is to be their own attitude in 
 the future toward their own friends. 
 
 For example, the young wife has had men 
 friends, as well as women friends. What, now, is 
 to be her attitude toward them in the light of her 
 new state. Is it necessary for her absolutely to 
 cut herself off from any further friendly associa- 
 tion with them, or is it possible for her to con- 
 
 181
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 tinue to look upon them as her friends without 
 putting them or herself in a dangerous and un- 
 desired situation? 
 
 The answer to that question will depend in 
 very large degree upon just what has been the re- 
 lationship existing between her and her men 
 friends. If their association has been on a more 
 or less sentimental or flirtatious basis, it could 
 not be considered wise for them to continue it in 
 any save the most formal manner. They will 
 meet socially, of course, and enjoy a few min- 
 utes' conversation together, or a dance upon oc- 
 casion; but it would be best for all concerned if 
 they no longer indulged in tete-a-tetes which 
 might lead to foolishness on their part, or mis- 
 understanding on the part of others. 
 
 If, however, their friendship has always been 
 on the basis of frank comradeship, there is in all 
 probability no reason why this might not be con- 
 tinued within limits. If the husband finds that 
 these comrades of his wife are congenial to him, 
 the question is practically solved. Admitted to 
 his friendship, they belong to the intimate circle 
 of the family life. If, however, any of them 
 should prove to be distasteful to the husband, 
 then, although their relationship to the wife may 
 be absolutely correct, it would be the part of wis- 
 dom for her to deny herself the pleasure of seeing 
 them upon occasions which might seem to her 
 husband to come with too great frequency. This 
 need not interfere with true friendliness, but 
 simply will be a means of avoiding unnecessary 
 
 182
 
 THE QUESTION OF FRIENDS 
 
 friction with the one whose peace of mind means 
 most to her. 
 
 It would be well, also, for the wife to ask her- 
 self what is to be her relation to her girl friends. 
 This may seem to her at first a strange question, 
 but it is nevertheless a very practical one. 
 
 In the days of her care-free girlhood they were 
 all chums together, sharing each other's most in- 
 timate experiences in the heartfelt, outspoken 
 way of girlhood. Her impulse now is to continue 
 the old relationship, to impart to them in strict- 
 est confidence, of course, the intimate happen- 
 ings of her daily life, which is of such paramount 
 importance in her own eyes. Innocent as this 
 pleasure may be in the beginning, it is, neverthe- 
 less, a dangerous pastime. There will come a 
 time when little jarring notes will creep into the 
 domestic harmony. At first these impress her 
 as very ludicrous, and she tells them to her dear- 
 est friends as the latest joke. Little by little, 
 however, a rasping vibration may creep in. She 
 begins to find these little tests of her good humor 
 rather taxing, and, all unconsciously to herself, 
 she passes this impression on to her confidantes. 
 They, of course, are quick to note the change in 
 her feelings, and begin, tentatively, it may be, to 
 pity her just a little. She accepts their pity as a 
 soothing ointment upon her rasped nerves. By 
 and by she begins to think of herself as a martyr 
 upon the altar of wifely devotion and self-sacri- 
 fice. Before she knows it, she begins to recount 
 to her husband her deeds of devotion, stinging 
 
 183
 
 him probably, into some unfeeling retort that 
 drives them still further apart. Thus, before she 
 is aware of it, the young wife finds herself in the 
 midst of a real domestic hurricane. In all proba- 
 bility, the greater part of this difficulty might 
 have been avoided if she had not been imparting 
 to her bosom friends the insignificant details of 
 her daily life. In the mere telling, they have 
 gained an importance that was not originally 
 theirs. 
 
 It is for this reason that brides will find it very 
 wise, while not changing at all the warmth of 
 their affection, to maintain a certain amount of 
 reserve in their association with even their most 
 intimate friends. 
 
 It hardly seems necessary to point out to any 
 young woman the extreme indiscretion of mak- 
 ing a confidant of one of the young men whom 
 she may have known more or less intimately be- 
 fore her marriage. That would, indeed, be the 
 height of disloyalty to her husband, and would 
 probably be so regarded by the young man him- 
 self. 
 
 Equally important is it for the young woman 
 to consider what is to be her attitude toward her 
 husband's friends. 
 
 In the first place, he doubtless has had many 
 friends among the girls. What is to be her atti- 
 tude toward his woman friends? Her first 
 impulse, doubtless, will be to feel just a little 
 jealous of them, not so much because she is 
 afraid that they may take his regard away from 
 
 184
 
 THE QUESTION OF FRIENDS 
 
 her, but because they had a share in those early 
 years before she knew him very well. She is 
 even inclined to feel a little jealous of his mother, 
 because of her intimate association with him dur- 
 ing his infancy and childhood. She will smile at 
 herself for the absurdity of her feelings as re- 
 gards his mother, and she can well afford to do 
 the same as regards his friends. The fact that, 
 after knowing them, he chose her, proves her su- 
 premacy and should convince her that there is, 
 therefore, no real cause for this absurd sense of 
 injury. The probability is that she will bind him 
 much more closely to her by taking an attitude 
 of generosity toward his relation with other 
 women than she could possibly do by any attempt 
 to restrict his friendliness with them. His admi- 
 ration for her will increase if he sees she has im- 
 plicit confidence in him, and an unusual generos- 
 ity toward those of her own sex. 
 
 This is acting on the assumption, of course, 
 that his association with other women is purely 
 on the basis of comradeship, and absolutely free 
 from all sentimentality or leaning toward flirta- 
 tion. Should this not be the case, however, she 
 would then be justified in having a straightfor- 
 ward talk with him, pointing out how unfair it 
 is both to her and to the other woman to keep up 
 this sort of playing at love. She has a right to 
 ask him to put aside all such imitations of love 
 now that he has experienced the full intensity of 
 the real and lasting emotion. He owes it to his 
 wife to show the whole world that she reigns su- 
 
 185
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 preme in his heart, and never, by any least act or 
 word or look, to raise any doubt in her mind on 
 this point, or in the mind of anyone else. 
 
 Then there are his men friends to be consid- 
 ered, his pals of former days. She may even have 
 a little jealousy of his continued association with 
 these chums of his. She feels, it may be, that 
 every moment of his spare time belongs to her, 
 and so she thinks she has a real grievance if he 
 ventures to spend an occasional evening away 
 from home with the boys. If these evenings 
 come with too great frequency, and if they mean 
 the indulgence in intoxicating liquors, or ques- 
 tionable forms of amusement, she is justified in 
 her opposition to them on the basis of his own 
 welfare. If, however, they come only semi-oc- 
 casionally, and mean simply an evening of clean, 
 manly sport, she should not deny her husband 
 this opportunity to associate with those of his 
 own sex. 
 
 Men need the sort of stimulus that comes from 
 associating with other men. A loyal husband 
 will not like to admit it, but life becomes more or 
 less grey and monotonous if he never gets a 
 change to bask in the stimulating atmosphere of 
 masculine controversy. Men have a way of tell- 
 ing the brutal truth to each other which is most 
 beneficial to all concerned, and it may be the wife 
 will do well to let the husband get a little of his 
 desire for this kind of mental relaxation out of 
 his system in company with his fellows, who will 
 understand him, instead of forcing him to make 
 
 186
 
 THE QUESTION OF FRIENDS 
 
 use of her in a way which may prove to be most 
 upsetting to her nerves. Here, again, generosity 
 on her part will bring its own reward, for an eve- 
 ning spent away from her side will doubtless 
 bring him back with open expressions of the 
 pleasure he finds in being able to spend most of 
 his evenings in her society. 
 
 This same principle will apply to the question 
 of vacations. The two who have started out in 
 life together are apt, in the first year or two, to 
 feel that it is impossible to live apart, even for 
 two weeks. Yet, even in this period, it might not 
 be amiss for them to endure a two weeks' separa- 
 tion, knowing that its only possible effect will be 
 to make them rejoice more intensely in coming 
 together again. 
 
 Many husbands and wives, take it for granted 
 that their vacations must be spent together and 
 maintain the practice throughout a lifetime. In 
 this I am inclined to believe they are making a 
 great mistake. One of the great dangers in mar- 
 ried life is that the two, who have been drawn 
 together by their unlikeness, shall in time be 
 driven apart because they have absorbed so much 
 of each other that they no longer seem mutually 
 attractive. This being the case, the vacation per- 
 iod offers an opportunity for a temporary sep- 
 aration which will renew the freshness of their 
 relation and contribute to its permanency. 
 
 Moreover, the thing which the husband most 
 enjoys may not be that which will give the wife 
 the most pleasure. He may prefer the joys of 
 
 187
 
 mountain climbing, with the opportunity it af- 
 fords for hunting and fishing, while she longs for 
 the sea-shore, with the bathing and aquatic 
 sports. How foolish, therefore, for one or the 
 other to be compelled to sacrifice his or her own 
 natural inclinations for the fetish of spending 
 their vacation period together! Let each seek 
 out that which will give each the greatest amount 
 of pleasure, knowing that in this way only will 
 they derive the greatest amount of benefit from 
 this period of rebuilding. 
 
 Of course, it is not intended to suggest that the 
 wife should go away and leave her husband alone 
 for the three months of the summer, unless it is 
 an absolute necessity. If they live in a big city, 
 and little ones have come into their lives whose 
 welfare must be of paramount importance, this 
 may become a necessary course of action. 
 Little children need the outdoor life and activity, 
 the closeness to nature, which only the country 
 affords, and, for their lifelong benefit, it is most 
 desirable that the summer time, at least, be spent 
 by them in the country close to Mother Earth. 
 This may call for sacrifices on the part of father 
 and mother, but such sacrifices will bring a large 
 return. It may not, however, be necessary for 
 this sacrifice to be made, if the mother, during 
 the summer, will take the time, day after day, to 
 seek out those places where the children can play 
 in the open. 
 
 188
 
 CHAPTER XXXIII 
 The In-Laws 
 
 ONE of the biggest problems that the two 
 young people have to meet may be de- 
 scribed in the words of the title of this chapter. 
 His family are her "in-laws," and her family are 
 his "in-laws," and it is quite a question whether 
 or not they are all going to be able to get along 
 harmoniously together. 
 
 It may help the wife a little in solving this prob- 
 lem if she will take a little time to consider just 
 what a mother probably feels when her son or 
 daughter has reached the age of marriage. Up to 
 this time the mother has, in all probability, 
 reigned supreme in the heart of her son or her 
 daughter. Not only has her will been law, but 
 her slightest suggestion has carried the greatest 
 possible amount of weight. Now she finds her 
 place pre-empted by another. As the bride her- 
 self discovers later on in life, one of the most 
 difficult things in the world to do is to retire 
 gracefully into the background after having for 
 many years occupied the place of supremacy. 
 
 Let her remember all this in considering the 
 actions of her mother-in-law. Let her remember, 
 also, that the time will come when she will be 
 filling that unenviable position herself, and so 
 let her consider carefully that priceless admoni- 
 
 189
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 tion, "Do unto others as you would be done by." 
 Sometimes, out of the goodness of her heart, 
 the young bride will offer to take her husband's 
 father or mother, or even both, into her home. 
 This is being generous to a fault. Beautiful as 
 the impulse may be, it will lead to a situation so 
 full of difficulties that the probability is that, in 
 the end, she will deeply regret her rash impulse. 
 If it is a possible thing, the parents of neither 
 one should attempt to live with the young couple. 
 The bride may think it would be most delightful 
 to have her own mother in the home, to carry 
 some of its responsibilities for her and to give 
 that sympathetic understanding which she has al- 
 ways received from that unfailing source of com- 
 fort. She must remember, however, that her 
 mother is her husband's mother-in-law, and it 
 will probably be just as difficult for him to adjust 
 himself to this new relationship as it is for her. 
 For both their sakes, therefore, they should start 
 their united life with no one else in the home. 
 
 If the constant and intimate association with 
 the in-laws in the home is avoided, there is a 
 greater likelihood that an harmonious relation- 
 ship may be gradually evolved. It may be nec- 
 essary for the bride to exercise a little tactful 
 reserve, in order to keep the mothers on either 
 side of the family from interfering, from the best 
 of motives, in the little details of every-day life. 
 It will not be easy to do this, but if the bride has 
 only love in her heart, if she resolutely refuses 
 to let any irritation creep in, she will be able to 
 
 190
 
 THE IN-LAWS 
 
 explain very frankly, yet sweetly, to both moth- 
 ers, that she thinks it best for her and her hus- 
 band to manage their own lives in their own 
 way. They probably will make mistakes, but 
 they will learn through their mistakes. No one 
 really learns from the mistakes of others, and 
 that is the reason that it is not advisable for any 
 one to be too ready to follow the well-meaning 
 advice of other people. 
 
 Long years of observation have convinced me 
 that most of the friction in life comes from trying 
 to maintain too close a relationship between peo- 
 ple who were not meant to be thus associated 
 together. It is possible to treat the "in-laws" 
 with courtesy and kindness and love, and yet 
 make them realize that the life of the wedded 
 pair is something so intimate that they have no 
 right to intrude upon it. It is much better to 
 cause a little comment upon one's standoffish- 
 ness at first, and gradually grow into a cordial 
 relationship, than it is to try to enter at once into 
 the intimacy of a family life and find one's self 
 in the unpleasantness of a family quarrel. 
 
 The bride will need to exert herself, it may be, 
 to resist the temptation to confide too much in 
 her own mother. If things go wrong, she is 
 tempted to run home to mother and tell her all 
 about it. By so doing, however, she will lose 
 the opportunity of developing her individuality 
 and independence, and she will be in danger, as 
 was suggested in regard to her intimate friends, 
 of having mole-hills made into mountains, 
 
 191
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 through her own unconscious exaggeration in 
 talking to a sympathetic listener. 
 
 The two young people are starting out upon 
 a new life, a life together. And they should feel 
 that now, for them, the family unity is just they 
 two alone, to be increased later on by the wel- 
 come addition of children. Great as are the obli- 
 gations of parents to children, they must take 
 second place after the children have married. 
 Parents should realize this from the very begin- 
 ning, and train their offspring accordingly. 
 Parents and children now have the opportunity 
 of entering into a new relationship, the friend- 
 ship of equals. 
 
 192
 
 CHAPTER XXXIV 
 Quarreling and Making Up 
 
 WHEN two young people, deeply in love 
 with each other, are planning for the 
 future, they picture it as one long honeymoon, 
 where nothing but love and harmony will ever 
 find expression. It would, indeed, be a happy 
 thing if nothing inharmonious ever came into 
 the home life. 
 
 But since it is not possible, nor even desirable, 
 for the world to be filled with people who are 
 always in a unanimous state of mind, it is neces- 
 sary for human beings to learn how to differ with- 
 out bringing inharmony into their relationship. 
 
 One might well study the art of differing. It 
 is not necessary that two people should be abso- 
 lutely of the same opinion in order to live to- 
 gether harmoniously. One need not be the walk- 
 ing echo of the other. In fact, such a condition 
 of affairs would, in reality, be most unsatisfac- 
 tory for anyone blessed with average intelligence. 
 A great deal of pleasure is to be derived from 
 discussing many things with those who view them 
 from an angle different from one's own. We 
 are enlightened by seeing through other's eyes; 
 we are broadened in our sympathies by learning 
 how others feel; our life is, therefore, enriched 
 through differences. 
 
 To derive benefit from such circumstances, 
 however, it is necessary for one to learn to con- 
 
 193
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 sider matters dispassionately, and with nothing 
 but the most harmonious feelings at heart. As 
 one spiritual teacher has aptly phrased it, "Agree 
 to differ, but never disagree." This means that 
 there will always be an atmosphere of agreement 
 and of harmony in every difference which may 
 come up. 
 
 One reason why it is so difficult for the newly 
 married to differ harmoniously is because their 
 feelings are so keenly involved, and they have 
 not as yet learned to consider instinctively, as it 
 were, the other's point of view. The bride will 
 find herself thinking, when some disputed house- 
 hold matter, it may be, comes up for discussion : 
 "Well, I don't care. I think he might consider 
 my wishes in this matter. If he loved me, he 
 would rather do what I want than anything else 
 in the world." Without doubt, her husband is 
 thinking approximately the same thing ; and in a 
 little while they are accusing each other of having 
 already begun to lose some of the deep devotion 
 which has drawn them together. 
 
 The difference in itself, in all probability, is 
 very insignificant, but the question of each oth- 
 er's love, which it has raised, is of serious import. 
 It is only where there is perfect confidence in each 
 other's unselfish devotion that there is found the 
 necessary tolerance for an harmonious, united 
 life. After years of marriage, that confidence 
 generally comes, so that the two can differ with 
 the utmost good humor and mutual understand- 
 ing. 
 
 194
 
 QUARRELING AND MAKING UP 
 
 It is well for the young wife to make rather a 
 careful study of this subject of quarrels, because 
 in many cases she has it in her power to avoid a 
 great many of them. A man in the business world 
 learns to overlook a great many things. He is 
 obliged to, in order to hold his position. He gets 
 the sharp corners knocked off, and he learns to 
 mind his own business and pay very little atten- 
 tion to other people. Men talk to each other with 
 brutal frankness, as a rule, anyway, and here pos- 
 sibly will be found the beginning of trouble in 
 the home. 
 
 The husband, feeling that in his wife he has 
 found a good "pal,'* instinctively begins to talk 
 to her as he does to the other fellows. He tells 
 her that the way she has hung the parlor curtains 
 makes them look sloppy; that he does not like 
 all this fol-de-rol, referring to specimens of her 
 handiwork, it may be, which are meant to adorn 
 the home; and altogether shows a brutal disre- 
 gard for her feelings, which probably drives her 
 to her room in a spasm of tears. Of course, it 
 is all very unkind and unfeeling of him, and he 
 should know better. He should have learned the 
 little tactful ways which would enable him to 
 sugarcoat his criticism with such words of appre- 
 ciation as would enable her to take the dose with- 
 out a qualm. But he hasn't learned these, and 
 she should, therefore, be willing to overlook the 
 acts and words which are the outcome of his ig- 
 norance. That does not mean that she should 
 always put up with such boorishness, but only 
 
 195 
 
 14
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 that she should have enough self-control not to 
 let these little things upset her. If she retains 
 her equanimity, she may be able, later on, to 
 point out to him a better way. 
 
 We lose all our power when we let our feel- 
 ings drive us to tears. That is a waste of energy 
 which we can ill afford. The woman who has 
 the power to rise above all of these petty dis- 
 turbances will be the one who eventually will 
 dominate the home atmosphere and bring it into 
 that harmonious condition which both really de- 
 sire. 
 
 In the first place, she must have complete con- 
 fidence in her husband's love. No matter how 
 many times he walks roughshod over her tender 
 sensibilities, no matter how clumsy and blunder- 
 ing he may be in the expression of his desires and 
 wishes, she must hold fast to that fundamental 
 fact and never let it escape from her. When she 
 is fairly quivering from some bit of apparent 
 heartlessness, she must learn to say to herself, 
 "Well, poor fellow, he doesn't know any better. 
 I must try to teach him." 
 
 There is only one way in which she may teach 
 and that is not by word of mouth. It is easy 
 to talk, but it is difficult to do. She must teach 
 the better way by showing it; and the first step 
 in that direction is for her to ask herself, when- 
 ever an inharmonious condition has arisen in the 
 family, "Where was I to blame in that? What 
 was my fault?" 
 
 In order to find the answer to these questions 
 
 196
 
 QUARRELING AND MAKING UP 
 
 it is not enough for her to dwell simply upon the 
 last five minutes of the quarrel, going over all of 
 the unkind things he said when his anger was 
 finally aroused, and justifying all of the equally 
 unkind things she said in that way. To find the 
 cause of the quarrel, she must go back to the 
 very beginning. What was it that caused the 
 first remark that eventually led to the unpleas- 
 antness? She may be able to put her finger on 
 some very inconsiderate remark of her hus- 
 band's ; but was she not too hasty in interpreting 
 it in the most unkind way? May it not have 
 been that he meant it very differently from the 
 way in which it sounded in her ears? Suppose, 
 instead of flaring up at his apparent unkindness, 
 she had had enough self-control to smile up into 
 his face and say, jocosely, "Well, now, just how 
 do you mean that?" If she had given the poor, 
 blundering, masculine creature a chance, he 
 might have been able to show her that, back of 
 it all, was a sincere desire for her happiness, or 
 for their mutual benefit; but, of course, when 
 she took it in the wrong way, he wasn't going 
 to back down from his original position. And 
 so they went on, making a bad matter worse, 
 until the final crash came. 
 
 Now, what are they going to do about it? She 
 has gone to her room, thrown herself upon her 
 bed, and given way to a flood of weeping. He 
 went around down stairs for a while, hoping 
 that she would reappear, and then slammed his 
 way out of the house and went back down to the 
 
 197
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 office, for he was too proud to go to the club and 
 let others see that married life was not all a bed 
 of roses, as he had pictured it. 
 
 Somebody has to take the first step toward a 
 reconciliation. Who should it be? 
 
 The most important thing about a quarrel is 
 the making-up afterwards. The sooner that can 
 be brought about, of course, the better. 
 
 Let not any two young people think, in the 
 stubbornness of their pride, that they can come 
 together at their next time of meeting and ignore 
 what has just taken place. They sometimes try 
 to meet on the basis of cold formality, and some 
 of them may succeed in putting it over, but it is 
 a most disastrous procedure. The quarrel, which, 
 if properly gone over together, might have drawn 
 them into closer harmony and a better under- 
 standing of each other, remains a sore spot in the 
 heart of each; the poisonous sting of the heart- 
 less words spoken in the heat of the controversy 
 continues to do its deadly work. They have laid 
 the first stone of a barrier which some day will 
 be found to separate them irrevocably. 
 
 It is always hard to take the first step toward a 
 reconciliation, but the two young people should 
 know that the one who is able to take the first 
 step has the advantage. It makes no difference 
 which one was the most to blame in the begin- 
 ning. Tacitly to admit your share of the blame 
 by saying, "Will you forgive me," is to call forth 
 an overflowing love which is the sweetest possible 
 recompense for the effort which may be involved. 
 
 198
 
 Individual differences are of very little conse- 
 quence. The great eternal fact of a true and sin- 
 cere love can be made to drown them all. 
 
 The serious differences arise when one or the 
 other nurses a grievance for a long time without 
 giving expression to it. There is a feeling in the 
 atmosphere which indicates that things are not 
 as they should be, and yet nothing is apparent on 
 the surface. There seems to be a cloud hanging 
 over the home. An occasional grouchy remark 
 may be explained away on the basis of business 
 worries, whereas in reality it is the expression of 
 a hidden grievance. This is a serious condition 
 and especially trying for the one who has no 
 definite knowledge of it, and yet suffers from its 
 presence. This brooding over a fancied wrong 
 is the product of an unfortunate disposition 
 which lacks confidence in another's love and sin- 
 cerity, and it is this lack of faith which makes the 
 life of the two together so difficult. Many times 
 the innocent victim of this brooding disposition 
 is obliged to provoke a quarrel in order to find 
 out what the real trouble is. After the explana- 
 tion, the air is cleared for the time being, and 
 happiness reigns. But, in time, the poison again 
 shows itself. 
 
 The person who is afflicted with this sort of a 
 disposition should make every possible effort to 
 overcome it, and should enlist the heartfelt and 
 understanding co-operation of the other member 
 of the life partnership. Such an individual should 
 never allow the least little incident that causes 
 
 199
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 the slightest feeling of unhappiness to lodge in 
 the mind and remain there unexplained. Every 
 such little matter should be taken at once to the 
 wife or husband, as the case may be, with the 
 words, "I'm sure you don't mean anything, but 
 such and such a thing has hurt me. Won't you 
 explain just how you meant it?" The free and 
 frank discussion which will follow will serve to 
 bind the two into a close harmony of mutual con- 
 fidence and trust, and little by little the unfortu- 
 nate tendency may be overcome. 
 
 One way to avoid quarrels is for husband and 
 wife to learn when not to speak upon trouble- 
 some or trying matters. If the husband is going 
 through a business crisis, the wife who is wise 
 will put her personal preferences out of sight for 
 the time being, and bring to him as little of the 
 annoying details of daily life as possible. On 
 the other hand, husbands should also remember 
 that there are periods when the wife is not en- 
 tirely herself. There comes a period each month 
 when she is more or less under the weather and 
 inclined to feel a little cross and irritable, and 
 especially unduly sensitive. This is the time for 
 the husband to give full expression to his love 
 and appreciation, reserving all words of criti- 
 cism for a time when she is more strong in spirit 
 to receive them. Pregnancy is another period 
 during which the husband will need to exercise 
 unusual consideration. On the other hand, the 
 wife should not feel during pregnancy that she 
 has a right to give full and unrestrained expres- 
 
 200
 
 QUARRELING AND MAKING UP 
 
 sion to her disagreeable feelings. She must re- 
 member that the little new life needs a harmoni- 
 ous atmosphere in which to develop. 
 
 Above all, neither one should attempt to domi- 
 neer over the other. Each should look upon the 
 other as a human being who has human rights 
 to be observed and regarded. Neither one of the 
 two is expected, in this day and generation, ab- 
 solutely to give up his or her individuality on 
 entering into the married state. Life will be much 
 richer and more satisfactory with two distinct 
 individualities whch have learned to adapt them- 
 selves to each other, than where one has become 
 a washed-out replica of the dominant personality. 
 
 Quarreling is too serious a thing for young 
 people ever to indulge in it as a pastime* In the 
 first excess of devotion they are in danger of 
 thinking it sometimes amusing to pretend to be 
 hurt over some little occurrence. It is, in the first 
 place, merely pretense, but, before they know 
 it, simply assuming the air of an aggrieved indi- 
 vidual eventually brings the feeling itself into 
 existence. Or, it may be, the two start "knock- 
 ing each other," as the slang phrase goes, purely 
 in fun, and before they know it find themselves in 
 a truly acrimonious exchange of uncompliment- 
 ary phrases. 
 
 Love is too precious a thing ever to be treated 
 in any other way than the most reverential. 
 While humor is a great essential to success in life, 
 and especially in married life, it must be humor 
 of the right sort. 
 
 201
 
 CHAPTER XXXV 
 Jealousy the Green- Eyed Guardian of Honor 
 
 JEALOUSY is generally portrayed to us as a 
 terrible demon who takes possession of the 
 unfortunate individual, wrecking life and home 
 and happiness in a manner that might almost 
 be called insane. This is without doubt jeal- 
 ousy in the abnormal, but we must remember 
 that, like everything else, jealousy has its nor- 
 mal as well as its abnormal aspect. 
 
 We say, for example, that a man is jealous of 
 his reputation, meaning, that he holds it in such 
 regard that he will go to any extreme to protect 
 it from injury. We hear, also, of a mother who 
 is jealous for the good name of her daughter, 
 and in both instances we recognize the jealousy 
 as being normal and proper. 
 
 Turning to the dictionary we may find addi- 
 tional light upon the subject. Here we learn 
 that the word "jealousy" comes from exactly 
 the same root as zealous, which conveys the 
 idea of ardor, enthusiastic devotion, either to 
 a cause or to a person. 
 
 Jealousy, then, in its normal form, would 
 mean the state of being ardently and anxiously 
 suspicious, vigilant in guarding, watchful. Only 
 in the abnormal could jt be considered as being 
 distrustful as to the fidelity of wife, husband 
 
 202
 
 JEALOUSY 
 
 or lover, or revengeful on account of fickle treat- 
 ment or slighted love. 
 
 It is right for.the husband to be jealous of the 
 good name of his wife, for the wife to be jealous 
 of the reputation of her husband. They are mu- 
 tual guardians of each other, and in that rela- 
 tionship can be of incalculable benefit to each 
 other. The wife, for example, may not realize 
 that her care-free, playful manner of meeting 
 her men friends may lead to censure on the part 
 of those who do not understand her. She has 
 been a good comrade to these masculine friends, 
 it may be for years before her marriage, and she 
 sees no harm in continuing the friendly relation. 
 Her husband may agree with her in principle, 
 but, being jealous for her good name, he realizes 
 that it is necessary to take into account to some 
 degree the possible misunderstandings of other 
 people. It is not because he lacks confidence 
 in her love for him that he speaks the wise word 
 of admonition to her, but simply in order that 
 she may not allow her good name to be evilly 
 spoken of by those who do not understand. Such 
 words of careful warning from a devoted hus- 
 band should be given careful attention by an 
 appreciative wife. 
 
 On the other hand, many men, with the best of 
 intentions, are more or less prone to allow them- 
 selves little liberties, now that they are safely 
 married, with some of the younger girls, it may 
 be. They have nothing but the kindest intentions 
 in their hearts, and they are not in the slightest 
 
 203
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 degree untrue to their wives. Yet, properly jeal- 
 ous of their reputations, their wives may be jus- 
 tified in calling to their attention the unwisdom 
 of such behavior. 
 
 There is another aspect of this matter, which 
 it is also well to take into consideration. The 
 young wife, for example, may perceive at once 
 the danger to young girls which come from allow- 
 ing these little liberties to any man. It is a let- 
 ting down of the barriers which form the young 
 girl's greatest safeguard. Not only so, but it may 
 result in arousing in her a feeling of admiration 
 for this older man which she may consider to be 
 love, and which may ultimately place them both 
 in a very dangerous position. At any rate, it is 
 not fair to her to have her feelings aroused by 
 one who cannot return them ; and so, for the sake 
 of the girl, the wife should make plain to her hus- 
 band the wrongness of his course. 
 
 The same is equally true of the wife. Her free 
 and easy ways may stir some young man's heart 
 and bring to him suffering which he does not de- 
 serve. As the guardian of her honor, her hus- 
 band has a right to exercise the prerogative of a 
 normal and unselfish jealousy and warn her of 
 the dangers which he sees about her. 
 
 Without any doubt, this feeling of jealousy has 
 been implanted in the human heart as an aid to 
 the maintenance of the integrity of the home. 
 The human race has learned that the greatest 
 good to the greatest number comes through the 
 monogamous marriage, and the instinct of jeal- 
 
 204
 
 JEALOUSY 
 
 ousy has doubtless been implanted in the human 
 breast as an aid to the maintenance of that stand- 
 ard of life. It is the duty of each to see that no 
 one is allowed to enter the life of the other who 
 will draw him or her away from the pathway of 
 complete devotion to home and family. 
 
 This does not mean, however, that jealousy 
 should be allowed to assume undue proportions. 
 The husband whose suspicious nature is so highly 
 developed that he cannot see his wife speak cas- 
 ually with another man without beirig driven into 
 a rage is in an abnormal state which he should 
 overcome. His extreme proneness to distrust 
 her would cause a careful observer to be sus- 
 picious of him. It is the one who himself is un- 
 true who is always suspecting falsity in others. 
 If he is hiding some of his actions from her, 
 it is natural that he should suspect that she is 
 being equally deceitful with him. The wife who 
 is under the dominance of an abnormally jealous 
 man should be aware of this fact, because this 
 knowledge may prove to be her only weapon 
 of defense in his unjust attacks. Let her turn 
 upon him with the pertinent query, "What have 
 you done that you should be so suspicious of 
 me?" 
 
 Abnormal jealousy on the part of the wife 
 would probably be an indication of similar de- 
 ceitfulness on her part. Abnormal jealousy 
 makes life a hell upon earth for both husband and 
 wife, and as soon as it raises its head it should be 
 
 205
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 scotched at once. If allowed to develop, it will 
 eventually wreck the home. 
 
 There should be enough mutual confidence so 
 that both husband and wife may have pleasing 
 friendships among those of the opposite sex, 
 while at the same time the normal expression of 
 jealousy will serve to protect them from any 
 unwise intimacies. 
 
 It is true that, if men and women are asso- 
 ciated intimately together for a good deal of 
 time, there is a danger that the fundamental 
 attraction between the sexes may make itself 
 felt, and interfere more or less seriously with 
 their home relationships. For this reason, it is 
 well for each to listen with consideration to the 
 husband or wife who sees that such a serious 
 result is likely to develop. Even though the one 
 involved is not able to see at the time how dan- 
 gerous the situation really is, nevertheless true 
 love will lead to a generous sacrifice of the friend- 
 ship in order to save a loving heart the least bit 
 of uneasiness. 
 
 We must realize that the love of the sexes is a 
 very practical matter with a definite purpose, 
 namely, the perpetuation of the life of the race. 
 Marital unions must be made permanent for the 
 sake of the children, and jealousy is one of the 
 attributes of human nature which has this for its 
 end and aim. In its rightful place, therefore, 
 when properly controlled and directed, jealousy 
 may well be considered as the guardian of family 
 honor. 
 
 206
 
 CHAPTER XXXVI 
 When "The Other Woman" Appears 
 
 IT sometimes becomes necessary for the wife 
 to consider the question of the "other 
 woman." Of course, it is quite possible for an 
 apprehensive woman to think she perceives a 
 rival upon the horizon when there is nothing 
 more there than the product of her own fancy. 
 
 It is most unfortunate for the wife to get into 
 the habit of nagging her husband about his 
 woman friends, continually suggesting to him 
 by her fears that she has no faith in his constancy, 
 or in her own powers to hold his love. We often 
 bring to us by our fears that which we dread. 
 
 Again, by endeavoring to hold her husband 
 too much under her control, the wife may drive 
 him to extremes simply through a desire to 
 achieve an approximation to personal freedom. 
 There may have been no intention of being un- 
 true to her, but simply the human being's nat- 
 ural desire for a normal amount of freedom. 
 
 The wife must not permit herself to get into 
 a frame of mind calculated to produce any of 
 these undesirable conditions. On the other hand, 
 it is not amiss for her to exercise a little wise 
 supervision over her husbands' friendships in or- 
 der that she may prevent his drifting into an 
 intimacy which may eventuate in a situation 
 
 207
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 difficult for all involved. Tactfully she may be 
 able to make her husband see the dangerous po- 
 sition in which he has placed himself, and so 
 avert what might prove to be a calamity for all 
 concerned. 
 
 Suppose, however, she has made all of these 
 efforts, and they have proven fruitless. She finds 
 her husband growing more and more enamoured 
 of another woman, and herself apparently help- 
 less to avert the threatened catastrophe. What 
 is she to do? 
 
 I heard of one woman in such a situation who, 
 with a courage born, it may be, of despair, did 
 a most unusual thing. She invited her ap- 
 parently successful, but unsuspicious, rival to 
 spend a week or two in her home. The other 
 woman came prepared to enjoy the attention 
 from the husband to which she had been accus- 
 tomed. The wife, with an unusual appreciation 
 of the nauseating effects of an overdose, pro- 
 ceeded to throw the two together so persistently 
 that the man was finally repelled by the cloying 
 sweetness of the woman, who had not learned 
 to make allowances for the personal idiosyncrasies 
 which crop out in daily life. Before the visit 
 was over he was appealing to his wife to free 
 him from the presence of this creature who, as 
 he had begun to feel, fairly fawned upon him. 
 
 In this instance, the wife was successful in 
 her strategy. Of course, such might not al- 
 ways be the case. At any rate, she stood a fair 
 chance of success, because she did not allow her- 
 
 208
 
 "THE OTHER WOMAN" 
 
 self to lose her self-control and 'waste her energy 
 in tears and moans and despairing cries. The 
 woman who will keep her wits about her stands 
 a pretty fair chance of winning. 
 
 Frequently success is achieved through the 
 wife's coming to realize that she has really been 
 neglecting her husband through her desire to 
 do everything possible for the children. In other 
 words, she realizes that hers as been the great 
 mistake and she sets about retrieving it. In- 
 stead of appearing always in wrapper and curl 
 papers in the morning hours, she makes an effort 
 to come to the breakfast table looking trim and 
 neat, with an air of good-fellowship instead of 
 one of careworn anxiety. It is not easy, to be 
 sure, when one has been up with the babies dur- 
 ing the night, but it pays in the long run. She 
 may even learn the advisability of taking a nap 
 in the afternoon in order to appear bright and 
 entertaining at the evening meal. She can take 
 a rest during the day, as a rule, if she but makes 
 up her mind to do so, and the evening hours will 
 be much more enjoyable if one of the pair is not 
 overtired. The husband will feel rested at once 
 when he comes into his wife's presence, if her 
 nerves are calm and her words of greeting cheer- 
 ful. 
 
 Every domestic triangle cannot be dealt with 
 by attention to these little details, but in many 
 instances they have proven to be important aids 
 to success. 
 
 A wife must be very careful not to accuse 
 
 209
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 her husband of unfaithfulness on insufficient 
 grounds. For example, if he is a minister, a 
 doctor, a dentist, or a lawyer, she must make 
 allowances for the difficulties of his calling. In 
 each of these professions there are many oppor- 
 tunities for designing women to take advantage 
 of the man with whom they come in contact. That 
 there are designing women in the world we must 
 admit ; and, instead of turning her husband over 
 to them by her readiness to believe him guilty, 
 the wife must be ready to defend him from their 
 wiles by the use of her woman's wits. 
 
 Designing women, silly women, love-sick 
 women call men up on the phone repeatedly, 
 write them sentimental letters, waylay them in 
 their offices, on street corners and in the most 
 unheard-of places, in an effort to satisfy their 
 own vanity or love of romance, or for the pur- 
 pose of carrying out thoroughly wicked designs. 
 Under these circumstan^e^Tnierineed'the pro- 
 tection of their wives, and the wives should be 
 ready to give it. 
 
 There have been instances in which a man's 
 downfall has been plotted by his professional 
 rivals and an unscrupulous woman utilized to 
 further their ends. The wife who refuses to 
 listen to her husband under such circumstances 
 simply plays into the hands of his enemies, and it 
 may be, through the lack of that understanding 
 which accompanies true love, wrecks his life and 
 hers. 
 
 Sometimes he may even be guilty of tempor- 
 
 210
 
 "THE OTHER WOMAN" 
 
 ary unfaithfulness, and while it may seem to her 
 that for the time being her faith in him is utterly 
 dead, if he is sincerely repentant and she feels 
 in her heart that she still loves him, she should 
 realize that forgiveness is divine, and that there 
 has often been built up upon what has appeared 
 to be the wreck of a marriage a truer, more inti- 
 mate and more lasting union than would ever 
 have been possible without that sad, yet binding, 
 experience. The suffering 1 that comes to the 
 man through his humiliating discovery of his 
 own weakness, and the reverence that he feels 
 for his wife's generosity, will often bring to his 
 heart a truer comprehension of her real worth 
 than he ever had before, and she may find that 
 the thing that threatened to take her husband 
 from her has but served to make him more than 
 ever her lover. 
 
 But what if the new love that has come into his 
 life seems to be the real love ? What then? This 
 is indeed a sad situation for the wife, and one 
 to which each individual must find her own so- 
 lution. While she is going through the terrible 
 testing time that must accompany this discov- 
 ery, she can find no better solution than in John 
 Burroughs' poem entitled "Waiting." Let her 
 constantly remind herself in the words of the 
 poet, "Nor time, nor space, nor deep, nor height 
 can take my own away from me," realizing that, 
 if this man is her own, nothing can deprive her 
 of him. If he is not hers, she does not really, 
 in her heart of hearts, want him. 
 
 15 211
 
 CHAPTER XXXVII 
 The Erring Husband 
 
 A STILL greater problem is presented to 
 the wife who discovers that her husband 
 has been unfaithful to her. 
 
 We are apt to feel that there can be no degrees 
 of comparison in unfaithfulness. One act of in- 
 fidelity seems as great an outrage as a long pe- 
 riod of unfaithfulness. In reality, there may be 
 a great difference. The man who is carried away 
 by the passion of a moment, but whose real, un- 
 derlying desire is to be true and faithful, is a 
 very different being from the one who permits 
 himself to remain in a state of infidelity. The 
 one act may be but the result of an overwhelming 
 impulse which sweeps the individual away from 
 his moorings for the time being. As soon as rea- 
 son regains her throne, however, he returns once 
 more to his allegiance. The other seems to lack 
 the very essentials of loyalty. 
 
 Of course, the wife whose husband has mo- 
 mentarily transgressed may say that he had no 
 right to allow himself to be placed in a position 
 where he could be so tempted, and to a certain 
 degree she is right. Yet women should take into 
 account the designing actions of other women, 
 the way in which they many times throw them- 
 selves into the path of some man who has at- 
 tracted them, and artfully draw him into a net 
 
 212
 
 THE ERRING HUSBAND 
 
 before he has become aware of their real purpose. 
 For this he is more to be pitied than blamed, and 
 his wife should be the first one to realize his help- 
 lessness in the hands of a designing female. 
 
 It will be apparent from these remarks that 
 I do not feel it the wife's duty immediately to 
 repudiate her husband upon the discovery that 
 he has been unfaithful to her. Let her first learn 
 what the real state of his heart is. Suppose he 
 has become temporarily enamoured of another 
 woman, even to the point of unfaithfulness ; does 
 that mean that he has no love in his heart for 
 his wife ? Has he considered what it would mean 
 to him to be deprived of wife and home and 
 children, and is he ready to sacrifice it all for 
 what seems to him to be another's love? These 
 are questions to which she should know the an- 
 swer before she decides upon her course of ac- 
 tion. 
 
 A wife who feels herself outraged in her ten- 
 derest, holiest thoughts and emotions by such 
 an act on the part of her husband is tempted 
 to give way to violent denunciation. This can 
 have but one consequence, and that a complete 
 disruption of the home. In after years she may 
 look back upon that scene and wish that she had 
 met the great crisis of her life in a different frame 
 of mind. She may realize then that life still 
 holds much for two people who have been able 
 to pass through such a crisis successfully. She 
 may even be able to see that part of the blame 
 rested upon her own shoulders. 
 
 213
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 It is difficult indeed for the one who is wronged 
 to feel that she can, by any stretch of the imag- 
 ination, be made to share in the blame. She has 
 been faithful and true. She has worked from 
 morning till night with but one thought in her 
 mind or so she thinks and that the welfare 
 and happiness of husband and children. But a 
 little deeper analysis may show her that, in some 
 way, she failed to bring to her husband the com- 
 panionship, the complete understanding which 
 he longed for, and that this was the reason he 
 fell an easy victim to another woman's wiles. 
 
 It is true that a man will not turn to another 
 woman so long as he devotedly loves his wife. 
 It is only when a feeling of loneliness has begun 
 to come over him, when he feels a sense of empti- 
 ness in his life, that he allows himself to be first 
 amused, then attracted, and finally, it may be, 
 overcome by the fascinating and flattering ways 
 of some other woman. 
 
 It would be well, therefore, if the wronged 
 wife would hold her judgment in abeyance when 
 she first learns of the tragic situation in which 
 she has been placed. Let her ask herself why 
 she has failed to hold her husband's affection, 
 and honestly and searchingly scrutinize the past, 
 dealing with herself as unmercifully as she would 
 deal with another. How has it come about that 
 she has ceased to be attractive to him? Has her 
 thought been centered too much upon herself, 
 or her babies? Has she neglected her personal 
 appearance, or failed to take a genuine interest 
 
 214
 
 THE ERRING HUSBAND 
 
 in the things that interested him? Allowed her- 
 self to become cross and peevish and irritable? 
 Refused to join him in the recreations which 
 he craved and needed, and so contributed to- 
 ward making life such a dull, drab affair that his 
 spirit revolted and turned to other sources of 
 pleasure? 
 
 It may be that the marriage relation between 
 them has been unsatisfactory. The wife has 
 found it impossible to respond to her husband's 
 ardent advances. She may have resigned her- 
 self in what she considered wifely submission; 
 but such a one-sided relationship is inevitably 
 unsatisfactory. She has offered but the husks, 
 and his soul has remained unsatisfied. Unless 
 some basis can be found for mutual satisfaction 
 in this relationship, the marriage is bound to be 
 more or less of a failure. 
 
 All this is not meant as an excuse for unfaith- 
 fulness in husbands. A man has no more right 
 to be untrue to the marriage vow than has his 
 wife. She has a right to resent his unfaithful- 
 ness, and even, if she so desires, to seek a com- 
 plete separation from him, because of his in- 
 fidelity. Sometimes this may be the only way 
 out of an impossible situation. There are other 
 times, however, when the wife will make a great 
 mistake if she seeks thus to redress her wrongs. 
 Where love is strong enough and big enough 
 truly to forgive, it is possible to build up a new 
 relationship and sometimes a completer under- 
 
 215
 
 standing when such a situation has been bravely 
 faced and overcome. 
 
 Let the wife count the cost well, however, be- 
 fore she definitely decides to take the step to- 
 ward reconciliation. If she does not feel assured 
 that she can put all of these things behind her, 
 and never refer to them in any way which will 
 humiliate the husband, it would be better to 
 end the situation at once. Many times an at- 
 tempt is made at forgiveness without a true un- 
 derstanding of the depth of the magnanimity im- 
 plied by that word. The woman who in after 
 years reminds her husband that she has over- 
 looked his unfaithfulness in the past, does not 
 begin to understand its meaning. Furthermore, 
 if she is going to live in a continual state of ap- 
 prehension lest he prove unfaithful again, she 
 ought not to attempt the role of a forgiving 
 wife. 
 
 It has been said that to understand all is to 
 forgive all. The saying is equally true when 
 reversed. If she wants to forgive, the wife must 
 come to understand not only the possibility of a 
 temporary weakness, but the loyalty and strength 
 of the love for her which may nevertheless be the 
 underlying fact of her husband's life. In that 
 knowledge her faith may rest secure. This is 
 her golden opportunity to prove the intensity 
 and loyalty of her love for her husband, and, 
 by so doing, it may be, to make of him such a 
 man as he would never have been otherwise. 
 
 When the husband 'is guilty of repeated acts 
 
 216
 
 THE ERRING HUSBAND 
 
 of infidelity the wife finds herself in a different 
 and a very difficult situation. Here is a man 
 who is apparently incapable of faithfulness. Is 
 it her place to forgive his repeated offences and 
 receive him always with open arms whenever 
 he feels impelled to return to her? Is she doing 
 him any real good by so doing? Are there chil- 
 dren in the home, and under what conditions are 
 they being brought up? 
 
 Many a wife, with the idea that it is her place 
 to forgive, receives her erring husband when he 
 returns, only to discover that her leniency has 
 proven to be an encouragement to him in wrong- 
 doing and has almost lost her the respect of her 
 children. For example, I know of one woman 
 who took this attitude toward her erring husband 
 until her sons had reached the age of under- 
 standing about fifteen and seventeen years of 
 age when they turned upon her one day and 
 informed her that if she allowed that drunken 
 reprobate, her husband, to continue to come into 
 her home they would go somewhere else. It 
 seemed a bitter thing for children to say, but it 
 brought her to a realization that, if she would 
 retain the respect of her children, she must cease 
 to allow herself to be used as a convenience by 
 one who was utterly unworthy of her and of 
 them. 
 
 Mothers must not forget that children are in- 
 fluenced by the moral atmosphere of those in the 
 home. A man who is living a life of unfaithful- 
 ness sends forth an atmosphere of deceitfulness 
 
 217
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 and sensuality which cannot but be most detri- 
 mental to the impressionable souls of little chil- 
 dren. 
 
 Not only may it be necessary for the wife to 
 separate herself from the erring husband for her 
 own sake and the sake of her children, but his 
 welfare also may demand it. It may be the only 
 thing which will cause him to pause and ponder 
 upon the path which he is pursuing. It may serve 
 to bring him to his senses, so that, whether their 
 lives are rejoined or not, he will master himself 
 to the degree of being faithful to someone, and 
 thus he will really be benefited by the separation. 
 
 The question as to what should be done when 
 unfaithfulness has been discovered, therefore, is 
 one which can be answered only by those who 
 are involved, and the right solution can be found 
 only by considering the welfare of all concerned. 
 This much may be said, however, for the guid- 
 ance of all under such unhappy circumstances, 
 that what is really best for one will be found 
 to be best for all concerned. 
 
 218
 
 CHAPTER XXXVIII 
 When Love Seems Dead 
 
 THE wife who has determined to overlook 
 her husband's unfaithfulness has a greater 
 task to perform than she may at first realize. 
 Not only must she be willing to forgive and for- 
 get, but she must make the effort to revive a 
 love that apparently has died. It may only be 
 sleeping, but nevertheless it will take some effort 
 on her part to draw it forth into active expres- 
 sion, 
 
 Equally difficult is the task of her whose hus- 
 band, without having reached the point of actual 
 unfaithfulness, has nevertheless given unmistak- 
 able evidence of having, at least for the time be- 
 ing, lost the ardor of devotion which filled life 
 with happiness in the early days of marriage. 
 What can the wife do under these circumstances ? 
 
 When we learn that someone no longer loves 
 us, we are inclined to blame the other individual. 
 We wring our hands and moan, "He no longer 
 loves me," and a feeling of resentment rises up 
 in our hearts. We forget that love cannot be 
 forced. It is impossible to love another by an 
 effort of the will. A sense of duty never brought 
 love. 
 
 The more I study the matter, the more thor- 
 oughly convinced do I become that the one who 
 loves is, if we may so phrase it, the passive fac- 
 
 219
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 tor, being acted upon by the attributes and per- 
 sonality of the one who is loved. If the love fails, 
 it is because the recipient has in some way not 
 succeeded in persistently drawing it forth. 
 
 To the neglected ones this may seem a hard 
 statement, yet in reality it contains within it 
 the germ of a great hope. If the cause of the fail- 
 ing love lies within themselves, then in their 
 power rests the possibility of its revival. 
 
 The best way to discover how to arouse love 
 in another is to analyze one's own feelings, and 
 learn what it is that arouses the glow of love 
 within one's own heart. The spark is generally 
 kindled by admiration in some form or another. 
 It may be admiration for a face or a figure which 
 seems to express admirable attributes. It may 
 be for qualities of soul, such as generosity, kind- 
 ness, thoughtfulness and the like. We all re- 
 spond immediately to words of appreciation. 
 They bring a warm glow to our hearts and make 
 us feel that here is someone who really under- 
 stands us; we instinctively open our hearts to 
 such individuals. 
 
 Let no one think that a pretense to these quali- 
 ties can arouse love. Those who say flattering 
 things which they do not mean very soon be- 
 tray their own insincerity, and thereafter their 
 words have but little weight. A sincere interest 
 in another shows itself in many subtle ways that 
 cannot be imitated ; where these are lacking, the 
 imitation stands revealed. 
 
 In the case where the wife has to revive the 
 
 220
 
 WHEN LOVE SEEMS DEAD 
 
 dead love of an erring husband, her first step 
 in that direction will be a magnanimous forgiv- 
 ing and a complete forgetting of his past trans- 
 gressions. Then let her try to understand some- 
 thing of the soul anguish which he is in all prob- 
 ability enduring. There is no harder experience 
 for the human soul than passing through the 
 Valley of Humiliation, and there is no more 
 humiliating experience than the discovery of 
 one's own weakness. Having another learn of 
 one's wrong-doing is not so keen an anguish to 
 the sensitive soul as is the realization of one's 
 own unworthiness. 
 
 If the wife realizes all this, she will have some- 
 thing of an understanding of what may be pass- 
 ing through her husband's mind when he sits of 
 an evening gazing moodily into the open fire, or 
 watching her at her bit of sewing, and saying 
 never a word. She may be tempted to think that 
 he has, in familiar phraseology, "got a grouch;" 
 and, of course, if she approaches him on that 
 basis, she will but drive him farther from her. 
 If, however, she truly comprehends his suffering 
 and, it may be, puts down her work to steal be- 
 hind his chair, put her arms about his neck and 
 murmur softly in his ear, "Don't feel so badly 
 about it all, my darling; let's forget it and be 
 happy in each other's love," she will stir in his 
 heart a feeling of gratitude and a faith in her 
 comprehension of him which will go a long way 
 toward reviving love that he had thought was 
 dead. 
 
 221
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 Many will feel, of course, that he should be 
 thinking of her suffering, and she may be 
 tempted to let the same feeling take possession 
 of her. This is a time, however, when she cannot 
 afford to think of herself and what may be due 
 her. That can come later, when the dead love 
 has really been revived. Just now she has but 
 one important thing in hand, and that is to re- 
 awaken the feeling of devotion and ardent love. 
 She can do it, if she will but try, and she should 
 let nothing interfere. This is a time when she 
 can afford to neglect her children a little, in or- 
 der to devote herself more completely to her 
 great undertaking. When her husband finally 
 discovers that there is no trace of resentment in 
 her feeling toward him, no least fear of any fur- 
 ther transgression on his part, nothing but a 
 sincere and self-forgetful devotion to his happi- 
 ness, then at last he will begin to know what 
 real love is and in that knowledge his own love 
 will grow far beyond anything which he has 
 heretofore experienced. 
 
 It is not an easy task which the wife has before 
 her, but it is one worthy of her greatest effort. 
 Let her not hesitate to study unsparingly her 
 own mistakes of the past, knowing that thus 
 only will she find the real secret of success in the 
 present. 
 
 222
 
 CHAPTER XXXIX 
 The Divorce Problem 
 
 BY many, divorce is considered an unmiti- 
 gated evil. The experience of the human 
 race, however, seems to prove that there may be 
 a right and a wrong use of it, as of everything 
 else. 
 
 One of the first and most essential steps to- 
 ward the solution of the divorce problem is a 
 better understanding of marriage, both as to its 
 physiological basis and its demand for mental 
 companionship and spiritual harmony. 
 
 If our children were taught from their earliest 
 years the sacred responsibilities that come with 
 marriage, there would not be so many hasty and 
 ill-considered unions which must inevitably, in so 
 many instances, result in ultimate separation. 
 When physical fitness is properly considered be- 
 fore marriage, the divorce courts will be relieved 
 of a certain proportion of their cases, and when 
 the principle of self-control in sex matters is in- 
 culcated in early childhood, there will be fewer 
 cases of marital infidelity. Thus, by putting the 
 proper safeguards around marriage, we can read- 
 ily see how the number of divorces may be ma- 
 terially reduced. On the other hand, until the 
 human race has attained to perfection there 
 seems little likelihood that we will reach the point 
 where divorce will not have to be considered. 
 
 We read in the Bible that "they twain shall 
 
 223
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 be one;" and we forget that this is a prophecy 
 and not a statement of achievement. As soon 
 as the marriage ceremony is performed we look 
 upon the contracting parties as already one. In 
 reality, they have simply begun to try to become 
 united in a common life. If they do eventually 
 merge their individualities into a common exist- 
 ence, they are truly married. If, however, as the 
 years go by, instead of growing together, they 
 grow farther and farther 'apart, their state can- 
 not truly be called that of marriage. Under 
 these circumstances, it would seem as though 
 divorce were but the outward expression of a 
 state which already existed in the inner reality. 
 These two are not one; they are two, separate 
 and distinct. If they find it impossible longer 
 to maintain a semblance of unity, their seeking 
 relief in the divorce courts should not be looked 
 upon as disgraceful. 
 
 This is not intended as an argument for fre- 
 quent divorce and promiscuity of relations. Di- 
 vorce must ever be a confession of failure, and 
 no one likes to proclaim himself to the world as 
 a failure in any line. 
 
 In some of our States the idea still prevails 
 that only for the one cause of unfaithfulness 
 should divorce be granted. We see the effect of 
 the law in the fact that when conditions have be- 
 come unbearable, one or the other of an unhappy 
 wedded pair will give cause for divorce, choosing 
 to bear the stigma of wrong-doing rather than 
 longer endure marital unhappiness. This puts 
 
 224
 
 THE DIVORCE PROBLEM 
 
 an unnecessary burden of shame upon the chil- 
 dren, who must share, to a degree, in the disgrace 
 of the parents. 
 
 Another undesirable result of the law which 
 allows only unfaithfulness as a cause of divorce 
 is the publication in our daily papers of the un- 
 savory details of such cases, making young, de- 
 veloping minds more or less familiar with mat- 
 ters which should be kept from the public gaze. 
 
 There are those who would urge the unhappily 
 married to endure to the bitter end, and, in 
 many cases, it may be better for them so to do, 
 especially if there is no marked inharmony be- 
 tween them. Discontent with one's present part- 
 ner may be very largely a matter of mental atti- 
 tude which can be changed through a better un- 
 derstanding of life and a deeper insight into 
 character. Where two temperaments clash, how- 
 ever, in such a way that there is constant bick- 
 ering and quarreling, surely it were better for 
 all concerned that the two should be relieved of 
 a relationship which works such severe detri- 
 ment to all concerned. In such a case as this 
 the plea that the two shall remain together for 
 the sake of their children has little weight, for 
 it cannot be considered desirable for souls to 
 develop in such an acrimonious atmosphere. 
 Better that the children should be deprived for 
 a part of the time of the presence of one parent 
 or of the other, if thereby it may be made pos- 
 sible for them to grow up in an atmosphere of 
 harmony. 
 
 225
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 It is without doubt a great mistake, however, 
 for two young people to rush to the courts as 
 soon as they find themselves a little dissatisfied 
 with each other. Divorce should come only at 
 the end of a long effort to overcome the tragic 
 situation. If the two concerned could have a 
 series of frank talks together, they might come 
 to an understanding of each other's mental con- 
 dition, and so discover a way of composing their 
 difficulties. Thus many an action might be 
 avoided. 
 
 There is little doubt in my mind that one of 
 the most potent causes for unhappiness in mar- 
 riage lies in the idea of possession. In the early 
 days of courtship, it sounds beautiful to have 
 the beloved reiterate, "You are mine, you are 
 mine." In marriage, however, that sentiment 
 often takes a form which might well be expressed 
 in the words: "Now you are mine; I can do any- 
 thing I choose and you have to put up with it." 
 
 It has sometimes been suggested that if our 
 marriage laws were different, many a man would 
 be restrained from cruelty and neglect by the 
 knowledge that such actions might cause the 
 breaking-up of his home, and there seems to be 
 an element of truth in such a statement. We can 
 at any rate teach our young people that this 
 idea of the possession of another individual is 
 wrong. Lovers and married persons possess each 
 other only in the sense that they have the right 
 to serve each other in the most intimate ways. 
 So long as that idea of possession is held, there 
 
 226
 
 THE DIVORCE PROBLEM 
 
 will be happiness in the marriage relation, anc} 
 divorces will be relegated to the outer limbo of 
 the unnecessary. 
 
 There is one important consideration which 
 may well be urged upon those who, having chil- 
 dren, yet feel that they can no longer remain 
 together. For the sake of the little ones they 
 should endeavor to take as generous an attitude 
 toward each other as possible. Nothing should 
 ever be said by the one which would in the least 
 degree change the attitude of the child toward 
 the other. In their management of the children's 
 lives, they should endeavor to be as harmonious 
 as possible. For nothing is more detrimental to 
 little, unfolding souls than accusations of wrong- 
 doing between their parents, and a continued un- 
 settling of their lives through the changing ex- 
 actions of father and mother. 
 
 Whatever their differences along other lines 
 may be, let the separated couple endeavor, as far 
 as possible, to be one in the guidance of the lives 
 of their offspring. There is no reason why per- 
 sons so placed should be deadly enemies, or even 
 unkind critics. Let them in their separation en- 
 deavor to be kind and just to each other, and so 
 prove that divorce has been used by them, not 
 as a means of retaliation, but rather as the only 
 remedy for a situation which was rendering 
 them unfit for their work in the world. 
 
 When we take into account the fact that the 
 intimate relationship of marriage is only justified 
 where a great love draws two individuals into 
 
 227 
 
 16
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 spiritual unity, we must also realize how wrong 
 it is to keep them chained together when a force 
 the very opposite of affection is driving their 
 spirits apart. What must be the inharmonious 
 condition of human beings who come into being 
 under such circumstances? They are called into 
 existence, not by the love of their parents for 
 each other, but by that base counterfeit of love 
 which we call lust. They must necessarily be 
 at odds with themselves. Their souls will feel 
 the discord in which they were born throughout 
 life, and they may be unable ever to adjust them- 
 selves to life in such a way as to find happiness. 
 Surely, for the sake of the children who may 
 come into the world, it were better for two such 
 people to separate and remain apart forever 
 more. 
 
 There are those who maintain that, while it 
 may be right to allow two individuals who are 
 no longer one in heart to separate, they should 
 not be permitted to remarry. This, again, seems 
 an unnecessary cruelty. Should we condemn 
 human beings to lifelong loneliness, because, it 
 may be through no fault of their own, they failed 
 in the first instance to find a satisfactory marital 
 companion? It is not good for man or woman 
 to live alone. Human beings need homes and 
 companionship. They can do better work in the 
 world under such conditions, and while society 
 may well frown upon those who divorce and re- 
 marry with reprehensible ease and frequency, 
 nevertheless it should not put the ban upon those 
 
 228
 
 THE DIVORCE PROBLEM 
 
 who, with the purest motives in the world, find 
 themselves facing the problem of marriage after 
 divorce. 
 
 After all, marriage is a human-made contract. 
 It has developed as the result of many genera- 
 tions of experience on the part of the human 
 race. It is quite possible that it may be modi- 
 fied in the years that are to come, as humanity 
 comes into a better understanding of itself and 
 its need; of this much we may rest assured: 
 where the divine power has drawn two souls to- 
 gether in a real soul-unity, they cannot be sep- 
 arated by any outward circumstances. 
 
 229
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 The Unsatisfactory Husband 
 
 IT sometimes happens that a wife will discover 
 after marriage that she has a husband who is 
 physically unable to enter into the marriage rela- 
 tion. Probably the majority of women are not 
 aware that it is necessary for the sex organs of 
 a man to respond actively to a nerve stimulation, 
 in order that he may be able to perform his part 
 in the marriage relation. If for any reason this 
 stimulation fails to receive a proper response, so 
 that the external organs are properly energized, 
 the relationship becomes a physical impossibil- 
 ity. 
 
 This debilitated condition is what is meant by 
 loss of manhood, and it comes as the result of 
 excesses in one form or another. Every young 
 man should know that he has no right to marry 
 when he is in this weakened and abnormal phy- 
 sical condition. Unfortunatelv, however, men 
 
 > " 
 
 are not taught this. In fact, too often their phy- 
 sicians will advise marriage as a last resort in 
 their effort to cure a condition of partial impo- 
 tence. This, of course, is absolutely unjust to 
 the woman whose welfare and happiness are not 
 at all considered by a physician who gives such 
 advice. So unfair is it, that it is recognized by 
 law as an unquestionable cause for divorce, or 
 
 230
 
 UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS 
 
 rather for annulment of the marriage. For where 
 marriage cannot be consummated, it is not con- 
 sidered a marriage. The woman who has been 
 led into such .a union is looked upon as having 
 been deceived and defrauded, and has therefore a 
 right to seek redress in the courts. 
 
 It is necessary to make these statements for 
 the protection of unsuspecting women who, find- 
 ing themselves in this sad situation, may think 
 that they are bound for life. Not only that, but 
 they may be called upon by the unfortunate 
 creature whom they have married to permit un- 
 natural practices, which he may hope will result 
 in stimulating nerves that have refused to re- 
 spond to the normal stimulation. Wives have 
 sometimes submitted to this sort of thing be- 
 cause they thought it was their duty. They 
 should realize, however, in the first place, that 
 they are absolutely under no obligation whatso- 
 ever to permit these things; and, in the second 
 place, that all such unnatural practices are ren- 
 dering more serious the condition of the poor 
 creature who has recourse to them as a last re- 
 sort. 
 
 It must be understood that while this condition 
 may be the result of a permanent debilitated state 
 known as loss of manhood, it is not necessarily 
 so. It may be simply a temporary condition, 
 due, possibly, to the nervousness of the young 
 husband at his entrance upon a new experience. 
 It would not be well for the young wife to jump 
 to the conclusion that this condition on the part 
 
 231
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 of her husband is necessarily a chronic one. 
 Rather should she encourage both him and her- 
 self to believe that it is a temporary condition, 
 which a little patience and understanding on the 
 part of both of them will enable them to over- 
 come. 
 
 Sometimes this nervousness expresses itself 
 in a condition which is called prematurity. That 
 is to say, the orgasm which should be the cul- 
 mination of the marriage relation, and which re- 
 sults in the ejaculation of the semen, may come 
 at the very beginning, sometimes even before the 
 physical relationship has been completely estab- 
 lished. This state of affairs leaves the wife in an 
 unsatisfied condition, which may, in the long run, 
 prove very distressing to her physically. 
 
 Husbands do not always understand that the 
 woman's nature responds more or less slowly 
 to sex stimulation. Often the husband will re- 
 ceive physical satisfaction before the wife has 
 reached that point, and he will therefore culmin- 
 ate the relationship at a time when the wife is 
 still unsatisfied. This, of course, is unfortunate 
 for both concerned, but especially so for the wife. 
 She should not hesitate, therefore, to explain 
 this matter to her husband, in order that they 
 may endeavor to establish their relationship upon 
 a basis which shall be mutually satisfactory. 
 
 If this condition of prematurity continues, it 
 may be necessary for them to make a study of the 
 subject to see if they can learn how it may be 
 overcome. It may be necessary for the husband 
 
 232
 
 UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS 
 
 to go through a period of strict adherence to the 
 laws of health as regards exercise, cold bathing, 
 and so forth, and especially to get a thorough 
 control over his imagination. 
 
 This condition is frequently the result of an 
 erotic imagination, so that every least suggestion 
 of anything connected with the sex life causes 
 undue activity of the reproductive system. Such 
 an individual must learn, first of all, to think of 
 sex as something dignified and worthy of his re- 
 spect and reverence, not as a source of his per- 
 sonal gratification. If he will read uplifting lit- 
 erature upon the subject of sex, so that he comes 
 to understand it as the great, life-giving force of 
 the universe, to which the human race owes its 
 greatest blessings, he may be able to purify his 
 mind from the abnormal thoughts that have 
 dwelt there, and eventually come into a normal 
 condition of manhood which will enable him to 
 give his wife the gratification which her sex na- 
 ture needs. 
 
 The wife who truly wishes to bring a com- 
 plete recovery to her husband must endeavor, by 
 every means in her power, to bring him to a 
 state of willingness to restore his own health 
 by natural methods. In a great many cases, the 
 condition is not so serious that it may be looked 
 upon as hopeless. While an immediate cure can- 
 not be expected for a condition which probably 
 has been years in developing, nevertheless it is 
 known that a conscientious attention to the laws 
 of health will bring about remarkable results in 
 
 233
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 a comparatively short space of time. Six months 
 of careful adherence to the rules of health will 
 often bring a marked improvement. 
 
 There are various ways in which this condition 
 of impotence may have been brought about. 
 Probably the most frequent is through the habit 
 known as masturbation, or self-abuse. Because 
 of the cloud of ignorance which has shrouded 
 the subject of sex for so many generations, the 
 majority of children are still growing up without 
 any authoritative knowledge upon this very im- 
 portant side of their own natures. Their parents 
 are afraid to talk with them upon this subject, 
 and leave them to pick up their information from 
 chance acquaintances, which too often means the 
 acquisition of many perverted ideas. The gen- 
 eral impression given them is that the sex powers 
 are intended as a source of gratification, and that 
 the knowing ones of the world use them for this 
 purpose. Very early in life, boys and girls, 
 too may be initiated into the sensations which 
 may be aroused by the undue handling of the sex 
 organs, and in time the desire for these sensa- 
 tions may become a dominating impulse and 
 eventually grow into an overpowering habit. 
 The victim of this habit is a most pitiable 
 creature, for even though he may come to know 
 how destructive is its effect upon his physical, 
 mental and moral being, he seems many times to 
 be almost powerless to overcome it. This is es- 
 pecially true where he has been allowed to re- 
 
 234
 
 UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS 
 
 main in ignorance for years, until the habit has 
 become thoroughly established. 
 
 Much that has been written in the past upon 
 this habit was exaggerated. Some physicians at 
 the present time are endeavoring to offset that 
 exaggeration by going to the other extreme, and 
 maintaining that, because this temptation comes 
 to almost every child, it is practically a normal 
 experience. That, of course, is as false as the 
 exaggerations. It may be a natural temptation, 
 but the indulgence in this habit cannot rightfully 
 be called normal. It is an abnormal manifesta- 
 tion of an unduly aroused sex consciousness. 
 
 When a young man has been struggling for 
 months, it may be years, to overcome this habit, 
 frequently his physicians will advise him to 
 marry as his last hope, never stopping to con- 
 sider the injustice to the woman. Unfortunately, 
 if his habit has been maintained long enough, 
 he may find himself unable to enter into the mar- 
 riage relation. If his wife truly loves him, how- 
 ever, and wishes to prove what love and devotion 
 can do, she has now an opportunity to help him 
 fight one of the biggest battles of his life, with 
 the result that his manhood may eventually be 
 restored to him and the normal pleasures of fam- 
 ily life made possible. 
 
 First of all, however, he must make up his mind 
 to make no attempt whatsoever to enter the 
 marriage relation for at least six months. He 
 must put it completely out of his mind, so that 
 there will be no mental unrest for him to con- 
 
 235
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 tend with. He must also centre his thought and 
 determination upon his ultimate aim, vowing to 
 himself that he will not give up the battle until 
 he has won the victory. He has now the wonder- 
 ful advantage of a devoted ally who will aid him 
 in every way in her power, and her very presence 
 in his life will be of untold value in helping him 
 to gain a true attitude toward the subject of 
 sex. He realizes now that a normal sex life is 
 one of the greatest blessings in life, that it should 
 be looked upon with reverence, and that all pru- 
 rient and lascivious thought should be resolutely 
 put aside as unworthy of a self-respecting hu- 
 man being. He will discover that as he refuses 
 to let his mind dwell upon those aspects of sex 
 which in the past were to him a source of degrad- 
 ing pleasure, the impulse to wrong acts will pass 
 away from him. Purity is a matter of thought, 
 first of all. Let a man cleanse his mind and heart, 
 and he will then find it an easy matter to gain 
 the mastery over his body. 
 
 He must at the same time, live the most nor- 
 mal sort of life in every particular. Plenty of 
 outdoor air, both night and day, plenty of health- 
 ful exercise, simple food, simple pleasures, plenty 
 of sleep, cheerfulness and contentment in the 
 home, all of these things will serve to steady 
 his nerves and give him a normal outlook upon 
 life. Let him follow the regimen suggested in 
 detail in my book, "Manhood and Marriage," 
 and he will be amazed to see how quickly results 
 will follow. Especially advisable is it for him 
 
 236
 
 UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS 
 
 to avoid all stimulants, such as alcohol or to- 
 bacco, tea and coffee, and particularly those 
 drugs which have so deleterious an effect upon 
 the reproductive system. 
 
 In all of these efforts the wife can be of ines- 
 timable value. She it is who will revive his cour- 
 age when he feels as though the battle were lost, 
 and will inspire him to continue his struggles, 
 no matter how discouraging the prospect seems. 
 He must not expect to be able to overcome in a 
 few days or weeks that which has been years in 
 building, and she is the one who can give him 
 the necessary patience. If she never loses faith 
 in him, he eventually will come to have the re- 
 quisite faith in himself, and this period of 
 struggle can be made a means of drawing them 
 closer together. He will learn the priceless value 
 of a woman's faith and courage and persistency, 
 and she will rejoice in knowing how essential she 
 is to her husband's welfare. When at last the 
 victory is won, there will be a mutual rejoicing in 
 the prospect of lifelong happiness that opens out 
 before them. 
 
 There are other causes for impotence, however, 
 beside this abnormal habit. Alcohol has been 
 looked upon as a sexual stimulant, but in real- 
 ity it is most destructive of reproductive integ- 
 rity in the long run. Some constitutions can 
 stand a great deal more alcoholic stimulation 
 than others, but, although the evil effects may 
 not at first be so apparent, sooner or later their 
 harmfulness will be unmistakably shown. A 
 
 237
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 great many cases of permanent impotence may 
 be traced to a state of chronic alcoholism. Even 
 the lighter alcoholic beverages will be found ul- 
 timately to have a similar effect. These are con- 
 sidered comparatively harmless because of the 
 smaller proportion of alcohol contained in them, 
 but the truth is they are just as likely to do as 
 much harm as the heavier beverages because of 
 the greater quantity consumed. An added dis- 
 advantage in the use of beer and wine is the 
 tendency to drink them regularly. The moder- 
 ate indulgence in alcohol is the very worst form, 
 because it is so continuous. Where the system 
 is allowed to return to a normal condition after 
 an occasional bout of drunkenness less harm is 
 done ; but where the body is kept constantly un- 
 der the domination of this stimulant, the repro- 
 ductive system is not exempt from its deleterious 
 effect. By some authorities, beer is considered 
 the most injurious of all intoxicants, so far as 
 the sexual function is concerned. 
 
 The excessive use of tobacco has a most de- 
 pressing effect upon the creative powers, and is, 
 in some instances, the main cause of sexual weak- 
 ness. Tobacco is sometimes prescribed by phy- 
 sicians in attempting to combat a habit like mas- 
 turbation, because of its depressing effect upon 
 the nerves. Such depression, however, if long 
 continued, might result in a most disastrous con- 
 dition. No man who values his reproductive 
 vigor would wish to become the victim of to- 
 bacco, and certainly one who desires to overcome 
 
 238
 
 UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS 
 
 any sexual weakness should absolutely abjure 
 the weed. 
 
 There are certain drugs which are supposed 
 to be sexually stimulating, but it must be remem- 
 bered that anything which overstimulates the 
 nerve centres also tends to ultimate depression. 
 For example, morphine and cocaine are supposed 
 to stimulate the sexual centers, and yet we find 
 that those who use these drugs habitually and 
 extensively are almost invariably impotent. 
 There are other drugs which are immediately de- 
 pressing in their effect upon the generative sys- 
 tem, prominent among them being the bromides. 
 These drugs also have been used in many cases 
 to check the tendency toward masturbation, and 
 to excessive night losses. They may actually pro- 
 duce results in such cases, but they do so by 
 paralyzing and destroying the sex function. In 
 other words, they may "cure" masturbation and 
 night losses, but it will be by producing impo- 
 tence and sexlessness. It will be well for the 
 wife to know that, when the depression of the 
 nerve centres is desirable, it can be secured by 
 means of a prolonged cold pack applied to the 
 spine. 
 
 It is necessary for married people to remember 
 that sex excesses, even within the marriage bond, 
 will have a deleterious effect upon both husband 
 and wife. These excesses tend to weaken and 
 destroy virility and bring about a correspond- 
 ingly weakened condition in the wife. 
 
 A temporary condition of sexual weakness 
 
 239
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 may be brought about through nerve strain, due 
 to a long continued state of worry or mental 
 overwork. When a man is going through a se- 
 vere business crisis, he may find it impossible for 
 him to enter into the marriage relation, and this 
 may throw him into a still greater panic through 
 the fear that he has lost his virile powers. Here 
 again the wife can be of a great assistance by 
 allaying this unnecessary fear. Let her be ab- 
 solutely assured, and then transfer this condition 
 of confidence to her husband, that the apparent 
 impotence is simply an indication of a depleted 
 nervous condition. As soon as the strain is re- 
 moved and the man is able to take a little needed 
 rest, he will find that, as physical recovery sets in, 
 his manly powers will be fully restored to him. 
 Of course this condition can be hastened in its 
 return through healthful living, and especially 
 through a refusal to worry over little things, or 
 even over the big ones. It is worry that kills 
 rather than work. The man who lives a healthful 
 life out of doors, taking daily periods of exer- 
 cise and securing plenty of sleep, will be able to 
 pass through any sort of crisis without such a 
 loss of power. But if a man allows his business 
 worries to remain with him night and day, losing 
 more and more sleep because of them, he need 
 not be surprised if he suffers a temporary col- 
 lapse of his sex powers. 
 
 It is interesting to note that lack of sufficient 
 work may also be productive of weakened sex 
 powers, the whole body suffering a deterioration 
 
 240
 
 UNSATISFACTORY HUSBANDS 
 
 which affects all of the organs. In this condition, 
 also, the mind is apt to dwell too much upon 
 erotic fancies, which, overstimulating the nerves 
 of the sex centers, may result in a condition of 
 partial or complete impotence. Moreover, this 
 sort of a life is also conducive to the accumula- 
 tion of flesh. Obesity is seldom a favorable sex- 
 ual indication. The man who carries a moderate 
 amount of fat and is still full of energy, is, of 
 course, as virile as any one need desire. But the 
 man who has accumulated fat through lack of 
 sufficient exercise is generally in a more or less 
 debilitated condition, and that is not conducive 
 to the fullest sex powers. 
 
 In other words, the man who keeps strong, 
 active, hearty and vigorous, need have no fear 
 for the loss of his sex powers. It is the man who 
 is too indolent to exercise, who gives himself up 
 to detrimental bodily habits, who allows his mind 
 to wander in forbidden paths of thought, who 
 spends the hours when he should be asleep in so- 
 cial diversions, that need not be surprised if 
 eventually his virility leaves him. In all such 
 cases there is only one way of regaining his viril- 
 ity, and that is by climbing the rugged path of 
 self-denial. Such compensations will come to 
 him, however, as he makes the climb, that, having 
 once attained the heights of full manhood, he 
 will never desire to return to the lower planes 
 of self-indulgence. 
 
 241
 
 CHAPTER XLI 
 The Frigid Wife 
 
 AS unfortunate as the impotent husband is 
 the wife who feels no response within her 
 own being to the relationship of marriage. She 
 then becomes a martyr to what she feels to be 
 her husband's demands, although what he asks 
 of her may not, from the normal standpoint, be 
 excessive. Nor is she the only one to be pitied. 
 The husband also is deprived of the magnetic 
 return which should come to him from his wife 
 when they enter into this relationship. Both, 
 therefore, are in a constantly unsatisfied condi- 
 tion, which will be very likely to lead to quarrels 
 and more or less permanent inharmony. It is 
 quite apropos, therefore, for us to ask the ques- 
 tion as to where the cause of this condition may 
 lie. 
 
 We may, in the first place, consider it in con- 
 nection with the previous chapter. If the hus- 
 band is troubled with prematurity, he may con- 
 clude the act without having aroused the pas- 
 sionate side of his wife's nature. She has sub- 
 mitted, but she has not responded, to his ap- 
 proach. 
 
 Without doubt, there are many cases of frigid- 
 ity in wives which could be overcome if the hus- 
 band knew a little more of the physical and men- 
 
 242
 
 THE FRIGID WIFE 
 
 tal make-up of women. With many men the 
 marriage relationship is a purely physical thing. 
 They have learned to look to it for nothing 
 but physical satisfaction, and it has not entered 
 their thought that the case might be entirely dif- 
 ferent with their wives. To many women, how- 
 ever, the physical relationship of marriage has 
 no attraction save as the expression of an emo- 
 tional and spiritual condition. If the wife's emo- 
 tions are not aroused, so that she feels the inten- 
 sity of her love for her husband to such a degree 
 that she desires above all else to give herself to 
 him, their relationship becomes thoroughly dis- 
 tasteful to her. Not realizing this fact, however, 
 a husband often enters into the sex relationship 
 in too business-like a manner. He spends almost 
 no time in expressions of love embodied in the 
 more tender forms of endearment. His sex na- 
 ture is already aroused. He does not realize that 
 he needs to woo his wife into acquiescence with 
 his mood. Many times she herself does not know 
 what is the cause of her reluctance and her failure 
 to respond properly, and so they go on in a state 
 of mutual dissatisfaction. If she did know, it 
 might be very easy for her to make him under- 
 stand the delicate feelings of a woman's heart, 
 so that eventually he would be able to express 
 his love in such ways as to bring her to a full 
 reciprocation of the ardor of his feelings. 
 
 Sometimes the obstacle is in the wife's mind, 
 due to mistaken early teaching, which has given 
 her the feeling that this relationship is something 
 
 243 
 
 17
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 degrading, and, therefore, causes her to shrink 
 from it with all her finer sensibilities. If this is 
 the case, she needs to make a more thorough 
 study of the subject of sex until she comes into 
 a comprehension of the wonderful part it has 
 played in the development of the human race, 
 and so come out of her morbid state of mind 
 into one that is more natural. 
 
 By thus working together to their mutual ben- 
 efit, the frigidity of the wife may be overcome. 
 
 It may be discovered, also, that this condition 
 is the result of the use of tea and coffee, or other 
 nerve stimulants, or depressives. Too many 
 women allow themselves to seek refuge from 
 headaches in bromides and other depressing 
 drugs. All of these things will have a deleterious 
 effect upon the reproductive system, and may be 
 partly responsible for her unresponsive state. 
 
 Many women in the past seem to have prided 
 themselves upon their lack of all sexual desire. 
 This probably was a reflex from their abnormal 
 attitude toward sex as something unworthy of 
 the human race. It may also have been the re- 
 sult of the unnatural lives led by so many women 
 of a generation or two ago. The young women 
 of today, who frankly rejoice in their physical 
 powers and find their pleasure in many forms 
 of outdoor sports, will find themselves much 
 more normal in this respect also. 
 
 Where there is a persistent condition of frigid- 
 ity, it would be well for the wife to enter upon 
 a thorough course of training, knowing that this 
 
 244
 
 THE FRIGID WIFE 
 
 will restore normality through every part of her 
 being. Plenty of outdoor exercise, loose clothing 
 which permits of bodily activity, simple food and 
 plenty of sleep, form the best regimen for her 
 to follow. Sun baths would be particularly 
 heathful for her, and also, possibly, cold sitz 
 baths. 
 
 In the majority of instances, however, the ob- 
 stacle will generally be found to be mental rather 
 than physical, and if the woman really desires 
 to overcome her condition, it will be necessary 
 only for her to bring about a more normal state 
 of mind in herself. She will find then that the 
 right condition of body will ultimately follow. 
 
 It will not be amiss for us here to call attention 
 to the fact that her unnatural state may be the 
 result of the same physical habit which causes 
 impotence in men. We do not like to think that 
 our young women may be in danger of forming 
 the habit of masturbation, yet the number of let- 
 ters which are received from young women ask- 
 ing for help in throwing off the bondage of this 
 habit convinces us that the danger is very real. 
 
 Where the habit of masturbation has held long- 
 continued sway over both mind and body, up 
 to the time of marriage, it is quite likely that the 
 condition called frigidity might result. There is 
 no reason, however, why the condition should 
 continue. As has been said, it is more the result 
 of a mental than a physical state, and, with per- 
 sistent efforts, can easily be overcome. 
 
 245
 
 CHAPTER XLII 
 Masturbation 
 
 fT is difficult for the average individual to real- 
 ize that girls are at all in danger of acquiring 
 the secret vice known as self-abuse or masturba- 
 tion. We do so like to think of the feminine half 
 of creation as made of entirely different clay 
 from that used for their counterpart, that we 
 are prone to picture them as utterly free from 
 the temptations and dangers that assail the mas- 
 culine portion of mankind. There is a certain 
 foundation in fact for this feeling. We know 
 that every cell of the woman's body manifests 
 the characteristics of femininity, and in so far is 
 different from every cell of the man's body. Her 
 impulses and inclinations are different from his, 
 and it is equally true that temptations which 
 assail him with pecular force may not have so 
 great an effect upon her. Taking all of these 
 things into account, however, it is nevertheless 
 true that they are both human beings, with plws- 
 ical impulses and appetites which at least corre- 
 spond. 
 
 We have no opportunity for discovering how 
 strong the spontaneous impulse toward mastur- 
 bation would be in either sex, because we are 
 not able to bring up our children in entirely ideal 
 surroundings where there would be no outward 
 
 246
 
 suggestion toward that form of sex gratification. 
 Therefore, we have no opportunity for compar- 
 ing the strength of this impulse in the two sexes. 
 We are obliged simply to accept conditions as 
 they are, and any one who has been made the 
 confidant of any large number of young women 
 is aware of the fact that many of them have 
 had to meet this temptation. 
 
 It would be well for us to consider the natural 
 ways in which this habit may be formed in early 
 childhood, in order that we may rid ourselves of 
 an unnecessary amount of condemnation for 
 those who have succumbed. The holy horror 
 which arises in the breasts of some individuals 
 at the mere suggestion that any one, particularly 
 a young woman, could become the victim of this 
 habit, adds greatly to the difficulty of handling 
 the situation. One of the greatest obstacles to 
 self-mastery in this particular is the depressing 
 effect of extreme condemnation, whether on the 
 part of the victim, or on the part of those about 
 her. These unfortunate creatures are apt to feel 
 that their wrong-doing has placed them beyond 
 the possibility of forgiveness, and that there is, 
 therefore, no use for them to try to change them- 
 selves. The first great essential, in enabling them 
 to secure self-mastery, is to rid them of their 
 terrible sense of shame. 
 
 Let us, therefore, turn our attention to the 
 ways in which this habit may be acquired in in- 
 fancy. As this statement would indicate, it does 
 not always come as the result of a definite sex 
 
 247
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 impulse. It may be started in perfectly innocent 
 ways. 
 
 For example, consider for a moment the efforts 
 of the little one in the first few months of exist- 
 ence to become acquainted with its own body. 
 The little fingers wander about from one part of 
 the body to another, exploring and discovering, 
 from the double sensations aroused, that first one 
 part of the body and then another belongs to 
 the individual. In this process, it would not be 
 at all strange if the little fingers should stray to 
 that part of the body which we call private, and 
 if the nerves of sensation are thereby aroused 
 into activity and the sensation proves to be more 
 or less pleasurable, it would not be strange if an 
 effort were made to repeat the experience. Thus, 
 quite innocently, the habit of self-abuse may be 
 formed. 
 
 Sometimes it is a little neglect on the part of 
 the mother, causing more or less discomfort in 
 these organs, which causes the little one to at- 
 tempt to relieve the unpleasant sensation by rub- 
 bing. It may be that worms which have made 
 their way from the anus into the adjoining parts 
 have set up an itching sensation. It may be that 
 this part of the body is too warmly clothed, caus- 
 ing congestion, or that the clothing is binding, 
 causing irritation. Sometimes and mothers 
 would do well to take this into account that they 
 may exercise the more careful watchfulness 
 an ignorant nurse girl will teach the habit to the 
 
 248
 
 MASTURBATION 
 
 child, because she has discovered it to be a means 
 of stopping restlessness. 
 
 One other matter it is very important for the 
 mother to investigate. Sometimes the covering of 
 the little organ called the clitoris is adherent, and 
 sets up an irritation which calls for constant rub- 
 bing. This condition can easily be relieved by 
 a slight surgical operation, and the presence of 
 this habit should always call for a local examina- 
 tion by a physician, in order to discover whether 
 conditions are perfectly normal. 
 
 Sometimes a little girl of three or four acci- 
 dentally discovers that, by rubbing up against a 
 chair or other piece of furniture, she is able to 
 produce a sensation which is pleasurable. Some- 
 times an older child will induct her into wrong- 
 doing. 
 
 The mother must be aware of these possibil- 
 ities, and must be ever on the alert to avert them." 
 Watchfulness on her part, and careful teaching 
 of the little one to avoid all unnecessary handling 
 of this part of the body will, in all probability, 
 prevent the formation of this most undesirable 
 habit. It is possible to teach even the little one 
 of two or three years of age that these organs 
 are just as sensitive as is the eye, and that, as rub- 
 bing of the eye will produce sores and other dis- 
 astrous consequences, so will rubbing of this 
 part of the body. 
 
 When a little one is old enough to receive an 
 answer to her natural question as to her own 
 origin, then it becomes possible to make the child 
 
 249
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 understand the sacredness of these organs, in that 
 they enable us to become procreators with God 
 in calling into existence other human beings. 
 Because of the sacred character of these organs, 
 we exercise especial care over them, never allow- 
 ing ourselves or anyone else to touch them unnec- 
 essarily. With this teaching thus early imparted, 
 there is very little probability that either a boy 
 or girl will form the habit of masturbation. 
 Where this teaching is not given, however, chil- 
 dren naturally see no convincing reason why 
 this form of pleasure may not be indulged in. 
 They see no evidence of immediate harm them- 
 selves, and they have no way of knowing about 
 possible serious consequences in 1 the future. 
 
 That it is natural for children to meet the 
 temptation to this habit, one could easily allow. 
 The only right and normal thing, however, is for 
 the child to master the temptation. 
 
 It will be advisable for us, however, to consider 
 the true seriousness of this physical habit. It has 
 been considered by some the greatest of all sex- 
 ual evils ; because, in the first place, of its preva- 
 lence ; in the second place, because it is of such a 
 nature that there is an unlimited opportunity for 
 excess; and last, but not least, because it is in- 
 dulged in during the vitally important period of 
 growth when its consequences will be most far- 
 reaching and serious. Its deleterious effects, 
 moreover, are not limited to the body alone. The 
 mind and soul are tainted and dwarfed through 
 its insidious influence. 
 
 250
 
 MASTURBATION 
 
 While it is possible for the habit to be formed 
 innocently in infancy, in the great majority of 
 instances it comes as the result of wrong teach- 
 ing, and is, therefore, always surrounded by an 
 atmosphere of evil suggestion, which is most det- 
 rimental to the sex life. It lays the foundation, 
 in other words, for a lifelong unnatural attitude 
 toward sex. It causes one to feel that everything 
 connected with sex is impure and degrading, and 
 it so deadens the finer sensibilities in connection 
 with this subject that married life itself is often 
 rendered less radiant and inspiring because of 
 the poisonous miasms that arise from the mind 
 and the heart that have been polluted through 
 this degrading habit. 
 
 Its most direct effect in childhood is upon the 
 nerve centers. If the practice is frequently in- 
 dulged in, these become drained of their vital 
 nerve fluid, and the whole system suffers from 
 a greater or less condition of nervous exhaustion. 
 This, of course, has a dwarfing effect upon the 
 physical development, which, while it may not 
 be markedly evident, nevertheless exists. One 
 of the most undesirable effects of the habit, when 
 long continued, is an absolute lack of concentra- 
 tion. The victims give themselves up so repeat- 
 edly to their impulses that finally they lose the 
 power to control them, and so are at the mercy 
 of every least suggestion. This means, of course, 
 that their minds are constantly shifted from one 
 point to another without that control and direc- 
 tion which is the essence of concentration. This, 
 
 251
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 doubtless, is the reason why the victims of the 
 vice are such poor scholars and eventually may 
 suffer from a greater or less degree of loss of 
 memory. 
 
 One of the first effects of this habit upon the 
 character is the development of furtiveness. 
 There is an instinct within the human breast 
 which warns even the innocent victims of the 
 habit that it is wrong, and consequently, from 
 the very beginning, it is kept more or less hid- 
 den. In time, the one who indulges finds it diffi- 
 cult to look others directly in the face, because 
 there is always the consciousness of a hidden 
 sin. Frequently the furtive look is the first indi- 
 cation the watchful mother receives that the child 
 has acquired this habit. If she finds her little 
 one beginning to avoid her gaze, she would do 
 well to watch him or her carefully, and come at 
 frequent and unexpected periods into the room 
 where the child is playing. Without doubt, early 
 indulgence in the practice may result in prema- 
 ture development of the sex organs, although 
 they will naturally be lacking in the proper 
 amount of vigor. 
 
 Masturbation is most commonly practiced, 
 however, in adolescence, the period between 
 childhood and maturity. It is probably natural 
 that the inclination toward it should be felt more 
 at this time than at any other. This is, of course, 
 the very time during which its influence will be 
 most detrimental. It is both destructive to the 
 
 252
 
 MASTURBATION 
 
 sexual function itself and debilitating to the con- 
 stitution. 
 
 We know today that the sex organs have a 
 great work to perform in making over the bodily 
 organism of the adolescent boy and girl. The very 
 first work of these organs is the secretion of a 
 fluid which is entirely retained within the body 
 for the purpose of making over every portion of 
 the physical being, and preparing it for the added 
 responsibilities of maturity. Through over-stim- 
 ulation of these organs the precious fluid, which 
 was intended to be entirely retained within the 
 body, may be drained away and lost, with very 
 detrimental effects to the physical growth. There 
 is no way of measuring the extent of this injury. 
 It should be enough, however, for us to know 
 that the injury exists. 
 
 The greatest temptation toward this practice 
 is likely to be experienced by those of a high- 
 strung, nervous temperament, to whom it will 
 also prove most disastrous. The boy or girl of 
 the phlegmatic temperament feels less inclina- 
 tion toward this form of indulgence, and is 
 usually protected by superior vitality from its 
 most disastrous results. The high-strung tem- 
 perament, however, with its delicately adjusted 
 and keenly sensitive nervous system, may be 
 thrown into a condition of almost complete 
 nervous exhaustion, because of the greater sus- 
 ceptibility to temptation, and the lessened power 
 of resistance to the drain of physical and nervous 
 energy. 
 
 253
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 The psychic effects of this unfortunate habit 
 are often of such character as to cause an aver- 
 sion to grow up in the heart of the girl toward 
 the opposite sex, which leads her to keep away 
 from social gatherings, and so may deprive her 
 of an opportunity for a woman's normal life as 
 a wife and mother. It may even lead into a con- 
 dition of sex perversion, which causes her to seek 
 gratification through undue intimacy with oth- 
 ers of her own sex. This is so unnatural a condi- 
 tion that one hesitates even to refer to it; yet it 
 is necessary to warn young girls against those of 
 their own sex, who, being themselves abnormal, 
 might wish to lead them, through their youth 
 and inexperience, into these unnatural practices. 
 Every girl should know that it is her duty to pro- 
 tect herself from undue intimacy with anyone, 
 man or woman, and it is hoped that this word 
 of warning will suffice to put them on their guard 
 and prevent them from being drawn into any 
 such undesirable associations. 
 
 There is much to be said in the way of encour- 
 agement to the young woman who has formed 
 this habit, but who possibly has not appreciated 
 its seriousness. Many a girl, upon learning the 
 debasing character of this secret habit, feels her- 
 self so degraded that she believes there is no 
 hope for her. In this she is utterly wrong. There 
 is all the hope in the world, if she will but make 
 up her mind to break it. It will not be an easy 
 conquest, but in the process she will build so 
 much of strong character that she need not in the 
 
 254
 
 MASTURBATION 
 
 end regret the bitter experience through which 
 she has passed. 
 
 In the first place, she should not condemn her- 
 self too severely, looking upon herself as an utter 
 outcast from society. She is not alone in this 
 experience. The human race has always had to 
 fight, in some form or other, the battle of the 
 spirit over the flesh. Her struggle is but a part 
 of the struggle of the race. She is fighting for 
 the complete mastery of her soul over her body, 
 and she must always live in the consciousness 
 that she is a soul and that these inclinations are 
 not intrinsically hers. They are the lower im- 
 pulses of the body. 
 
 Whenever these impulses arise, she should say 
 to herself, "This does not belong to me"; and, 
 by thus denying it as a part of herself, she can 
 more easily free herself from its domination. A 
 little attention on her part will teach her to rec- 
 ognize the very first thoughts which might tend 
 to start the train of impulses leading up to this 
 form of self -gratification. When that time comes, 
 she will be able to divert her thoughts into other 
 channels at their very inception, thus suppress- 
 ing all possible wrong impulses in the body. It 
 will be of assistance to her if she will carry with 
 her some suggestions of the lines of thought in 
 which she is particularly interested, so that, at 
 the first indication of danger, she may, by activ- 
 ity of the will, direct her thought along one of 
 these other lines. It is much easier to control 
 
 255
 
 oneself at the beginning of the impulse than 
 at the end. 
 
 Many times young women write to ask if, hav- 
 ing had the habit of masturbation at one time in 
 their lives, but having mastered it, they have a 
 right to marry, and whether it will be necessary 
 to confess their previous wrong-doing to their 
 husbands. There is nothing in this habit, unless 
 it is so long continued that its consequences be- 
 come permanent, to render the young woman 
 unfit for marriage. No young woman who has 
 average health need hesitate at all to accept an 
 offer of marriage, even though she may at one 
 time have been a victim of this habit. It does 
 not have a direct effect upon the creative organs, 
 as so many have seemed to fear, rendering them 
 incapable of performing their function. There is 
 no reason why she may not make a good wife 
 and mother, and, if she will use her own unfor- 
 tunate experience aright, she will make it a 
 means of enabling her to protect her children 
 from duplicating it. The effects of the practice, 
 whatever they may be, are not inheritable, so she 
 is relieved of that worry. Since she has con- 
 quered the habit, it does not seem necessary for 
 her to make a confession of it to her husband, any 
 more than she would the habit of thumb-sucking 
 in her infancy, or biting her nails in her early 
 childhood. Since it is quite likely he may have 
 had the same habit, and have overcome it, their 
 position is probably one of equality. 
 
 One important physical consideration in this 
 
 256
 
 MASTURBATION 
 
 connection is that of genital cleanliness. Any 
 condition which tends to the irritation of these 
 parts will stimulate the brain cells and may thus 
 start undesirable impulses. It is very important, 
 therefore, to make frequent use of soap and 
 water to keep these parts thoroughly free from 
 all possible secretions, or foreign matter, which 
 may gather there. If there is an inflammation 
 which makes them sensitive to soap, a solution of 
 boric acid will be found a good cleansing antisep- 
 tic agent. 
 
 As I have said elsewhere, the general bodily 
 effects of masturbation, apart from the effect on 
 the generative system itself, are to be seen in a 
 lack of energy or general lassitude, a weakened 
 muscular system, an all-around lack of develop- 
 ment, sometimes a dragging gait, weakness of the 
 bladder, or urinary symptoms, a pale or sallow 
 complexion, often with dark rings around the 
 eyes, as well as pimples and blackheads, poor 
 memory, difficulty in study or mental concen- 
 tration, lack of self-confidence, a tendency to 
 avoid the society of others, especially that of the 
 opposite sex, and an inability to look other peo- 
 ple in the eye. Of course, these symptoms are 
 typical only of serious cases. When the habit 
 has not been carried very far, or has not been 
 productive of much harm, they will not be in evi- 
 dence. The mental or psychic symptoms are 
 especially important and may be observed in 
 varying degrees. A naturally strong-minded 
 character may overcome some of them, as, for 
 
 257
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 instance, the lack of confidence, by force of will ; 
 but in many cases these anti-social symptoms are 
 extremely marked. Weakened memory and poor 
 mental concentration are among the most per- 
 sistent and common of such symptoms. 
 
 So much has been said about pimples on the 
 face as being an indication of the presence of 
 this habit in the individual, that it may be well 
 for us to give a little attention to this subject. 
 Much injustice has doubtless been done through 
 the widespread notion that pimples were always 
 an indication of self-abuse. This, of course, is 
 far from being the fact. We would be much 
 nearer the truth if we made the statement that 
 pimples were always an indication of con- 
 stipation. They are, in general, an indication 
 that the skin is attempting to do the work 
 of elimination which the eliminatory organs are 
 failing to do. Of course, self-abjuse may, in some 
 instances, cause a breaking out upon the face, 
 but even so, this result is likely to have been 
 brought about by the fact that loss of nerve 
 power has made it impossible for the bowels 
 and kidneys to perform their work properly. 
 
 The very first thing to do, therefore, in a case 
 of acne, is to see to it that the system is thor- 
 oughly cleansed of all waste matter. The gen- 
 eral character of the skin has much to do with 
 acne, and persons with clear, smooth skins are 
 often great offenders in the matter under con- 
 sideration. Persons having naturally oily skins 
 are most likely to be afflected with pimples and 
 
 258
 
 MASTURBATION 
 
 blackheads, which are commonly found on the 
 face and shoulders, these being the parts of the 
 body where the sebaceous glands are most plen- 
 tiful. The so-called "flesh- worm" of the black- 
 head is only an accumulation of the dried oily 
 secretion of a sebaceous gland resulting from 
 the clogging of the opening. The ordinary pim- 
 ple is caused by a mild infection which has trav- 
 eled down the duct of one of these glands, or 
 down the root of a hair. When these tiny glands 
 are especially active, such difficulties are more 
 likely to be met with. The sebaceous glands, 
 like all the other glands of the body, are most 
 active in youth, from the period of puberty until 
 maturity, and it is largely for this reason that 
 young people of this age are so frequently affected 
 with pimples. Masturbation is not necessarily 
 involved. Rigid cleanliness, by preventing the 
 clogging of the tiny ducts, and also by prevent- 
 ing infection, will do a great deal to prevent pim- 
 ples. Cold water and ice, too, are valuable, be- 
 cause they contract or close the pores. Warm 
 or hot water opens them and should generally 
 be avoided. 
 
 At the same time there is another factor to be 
 considered in acne, namely, the question of pure 
 blood and resistance to infection. In vigorous 
 health, the infection cannot gain a foothold. But 
 when the vitality is lowered, the circulation weak- 
 ened and the vital functions impaired, it is easy 
 to develop pimples. Now, masturbation, of 
 course, tends to derange the internal functions, 
 
 18 259
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 weakening digestion and otherwise impairing the 
 quality of the blood, and in that way may cause 
 pimples. 
 
 In other words, acne is often found upon the 
 face, shoulders, chest and back of masturbators 
 as a symptom of lowered vitality, but it is not 
 the positive indication that some have supposed. 
 In some cases the health is undermined only 
 slowly, during a period of years, and the appear- 
 ance for a long time may indicate nothing wrong. 
 
 So much has been said in the past about insan- 
 ity being caused by masturbation, that it would 
 be well for us to give a moment's consideration 
 to it at this time. Probably the prevalence of 
 this belief was due very largely to the books that 
 have been published by quack doctors who en- 
 deavor to scare their victims so as to be able to 
 secure their money. The truth of the matter is 
 that no scientific foundation has been discovered 
 for this belief. While it is known that those who 
 have lost their minds are often victims of this 
 habit, the habit is, in all probability, the result of 
 their mental condition, rather than the cause of 
 it. They lack reason and self-control. No per- 
 son suffering from this habit need live in fear of 
 going insane, as so many of them have done in 
 the past. 
 
 Since the condition is both physical and mental, 
 the remedial measures must partake of the same 
 two-fold character. It is impossible to say which 
 of these is the more important part of the treat- 
 ment; both are absolutely essential. Physical 
 
 260
 
 MASTURBATION 
 
 vigor, which is built up through proper exercise 
 and food, is essential to the strength of will 
 needed for the rigid restraint which it will be nec- 
 essary to exercise. 
 
 The first step is to build up bodily vigor, not 
 only for its own sake, as has been suggested, but 
 for the sake of the clearer brain and stronger will 
 so essential for victory. These qualties cannot 
 be developed in a body which lacks the proper 
 blood supply to the brain and is suffering from 
 depleted nerves. Everything possible should be 
 done to develop bodily strength and vigor. 
 
 The matter of diet is of the greatest impor- 
 tance. Meat and eggs being rich in protein 
 should not be used too freely, and if the assimila- 
 tion is especially poor it may be better to avoid 
 them entirely for a time. Red meats are espe- 
 cially stimulating and should, therefore, be used 
 sparingly. Fish and chicken are less pronounced 
 in their effect. Not only alcoholic drinks, but 
 even tea and coffee should be avoided. Pepper, 
 hot sauces and condiments of all kinds are espe- 
 cially objectionable. The things that you can 
 eat and enjoy raw, particularly fruits, green sal- 
 ads, nuts and so forth, should be used extensively 
 in the diet. 
 
 It is especially important to correct any ten- 
 dency toward constipation. This is, without 
 doubt, an important factor in many cases, the 
 accumulation of effete matter causing a more 
 or less congested condition which reacts unfav- 
 orably upon the brain cells, and may arouse 
 
 261
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 thoughts and impulses which should not be 
 called into activity. Through proper exercise, 
 the drinking of plenty of water, and the eating 
 of the right kind of food, the bowels may be kept 
 open and regular. 
 
 The first step in the mental treatment of mas- 
 turbation is an unfaltering determination to con- 
 quer the habit, no matter how long or difficult 
 the fight may be. This is a crisis in your life. 
 You are either going to remain a weakling for 
 the rest of your days, or you are going to rise 
 on the stepping stones of your dead self to a big- 
 ger, better, more successful life. You will not 
 conquer this habit in a day, or a week, or a month. 
 Make up your mind, however, to stick to it until 
 you have gained the mastery and kept your 
 promise to yourself. T'his is the building of char- 
 acter. 
 
 The next step is to stop worrying about it and 
 its possible consequences. The condition of 
 worry is very depressing and debilitating, and it 
 makes you fall an easier victim to all sorts of 
 wrong suggestions. Never mind what you have 
 done in the past; the important thing is what 
 you are doing today. 
 
 The third step is to fill your life with so many 
 forms of mental activity that the old habit will 
 not have any chance to assert itself. Your mind 
 must be so occupied with other matters that there 
 will be no opportunity for the introduction of 
 impure thoughts. 
 
 The fourth step is to avoid being too much by 
 
 262
 
 MASTURBATION 
 
 yourself, and to cultivate the society of refined 
 people just as much as you possibly can. 
 
 You must not be disappointed if you fail time 
 and again to master your wrong impulses at the 
 beginning of your struggle. Never let such a 
 failure put you permanently into a mood of de- 
 pression. Say to yourself each time, "Never 
 mind! I will conquer," and go at it again. Real- 
 ize that it is more than a physical habit which 
 you are endeavoring to overcome. It is a wrong 
 attitude of mind. Read the books which will help 
 you to have a greater respect for human beings, 
 for the processes of nature, for yourself as an in- 
 dividual. Read books on personality and power. 
 Learn to use the laws of mental suggestion, and 
 see in all of these but an opportunity for de- 
 veloping your own hidden and probably hitherto 
 neglected powers. Look forward to the day when 
 you can make your struggle a means of enabling 
 you to help others, and, for their sakes, pick 
 yourself up after each fall with renewed deter- 
 mination. Realize that every time you resist the 
 wrong impulse you are strengthening your pow- 
 ers of resistance, and constantly encourage your- 
 self to believe that you are gaining the mastery. 
 
 Cultivate pride and self-respect. Believe in 
 yourself and make others believe in you. What- 
 ever your work may be, determine to do it to the 
 very best of your ability, and thus you will gain 
 the respect of others as well as of yourself. 
 
 Anything that will tend to add to your sense 
 of pride will help you powerfully. You will find 
 
 263
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 personal cleanliness a great aid to this end. Cul- 
 tivate a fastidious attitude toward cleanliness of 
 person and apparel. The feeling of immaculate 
 cleanliness adds greatly to one's self-respect, and 
 the effect upon the whole moral nature is such 
 that one will less readily stoop to any depraved 
 action. 
 
 Above all, do not allow yourself to worry or 
 brood over your trouble. Let the "dead past 
 bury its dead." Live in the present. Look for- 
 ward hopefully to the future, and thank God 
 that you are at last alive in every particle of 
 your being. 
 
 Do not allow yourself to pass any time in 
 idleness. Inactivity will give your mind a chance 
 either to dwell upon erotic thoughts, or to worry 
 about your condition, and both of these should 
 be carefully avoided. Make it a habit to get out 
 of bed with a jump the instant you wake up. 
 Take a quick plunge, or a cold sponge, to finish the 
 waking-up process and enable you to start the 
 day with vim and vigor. Try to have enough 
 physical exercise so that, when bedtime comes, 
 you will drop to sleep as soon as your head 
 touches the pillow. 
 
 Cultivate all kinds of hobbies and different 
 sources of interest, especially those which will 
 lead you into physical activity. Do not spend 
 your leisure hours always in sedentary occupa- 
 tions, such as reading, writing, embroidering, 
 playing cards and so forth. Seek your friends 
 amongst those who are actively inclined. Seek 
 
 264
 
 MASTURBATION 
 
 out a good gymnasium and learn to enjoy sports 
 of all kinds. In summer, devote yourself to out- 
 door sports. 
 
 It is especially important to keep the mind 
 away from all subjects which can arouse the sex 
 nature. It is possible to masturbate mentally, 
 dwelling upon erotic subjects until the sex nature 
 is so aroused that physical sensations may even 
 result. This is almost as bad as the physical prac- 
 tice, and is usually the first step in that direction. 
 Whenever you find your mind turning in this for- 
 bidden direction, get up and do something at 
 once in order to change your current of thought. 
 It does not matter what it is, but do it imme- 
 diately. Take a cold bath, shake the rugs, play 
 the piano, or do anything else that comes to your 
 mind. The more active and mentally stimulat- 
 ing it is, the better. Plan for some activity to- 
 ward which you can always turn when any un- 
 desirable thought of sex enters your mind. 
 
 Sometimes the very best way to meet this temp- 
 tation to wrong thinking is to put yourself at 
 once in the company of refined and agreeable 
 people. The very impulse of the victim of this 
 habit, to get off by herself or himself, would 
 seem to indicate that the best possible treatment 
 would be just the opposite of that impulse. As- 
 sociation with refined, high-minded persons of 
 the opposite sex, if always kept on a high plane, 
 without any of those personal intimacies which 
 young men and women sometimes indulge in, 
 should also prove beneficial. 
 
 265
 
 CHAPTER XLIII 
 Sterility 
 
 TO be the mother of a child is the hope and 
 joy of every normal woman. To be de- 
 nied this privilege is one of the keenest disap- 
 pointments of her life, in many cases being the 
 cause of wrecked homes and continual unhappi- 
 ness. 
 
 Sterility is practically always due to some dis- 
 ease of the genital tract of either the husband 
 or wife. In this chapter we will not consider the 
 former although he is responsible in nearly half 
 of the cases. If no cause can be found in the 
 woman, it is possible that a close examination 
 of the husband will determine the reason for the 
 absence of children. 
 
 Sterility is the condition in which a woman is 
 incapable of reproduction. It is considered abso- 
 lute sterility when no conception is possible, and 
 relative sterility when conception occurs but the 
 foetus dies. 
 
 There are many conditions which are said to 
 be responsible for absence of the ability to bear 
 living children. The majority of all cases are 
 due to inflammatory disease of the uterus, tubes, 
 or ovaries, often the result of infection. The 
 inflammation causes a thickening of the walls of 
 the fallopian tubes, which, together with the pus 
 
 266
 
 STERILITY 
 
 and catarrhal exudate, so occludes the lumen 
 that either the ovum cannot reach the uterus, or 
 the spermatozoon is prevented from fertilizing 
 it. Often, too, the ovum is prevented from leav- 
 ing the ovary because of thickening of the cover- 
 ing of the latter. The lining of the uterus may 
 also be so injured by the inflammatory process 
 that it is no longer a suitable field for the attach- 
 ment of the ovum, even after fertilization. 
 
 Lacerations and ulcerations of the cervix may 
 be responsible for the failure of fertilization, 
 these conditions preventing the entrance of the 
 spermatozoa into the uterus. Syphilis, tubercu- 
 losis, polypi and tumors may also be mentioned 
 as causes of this condition. 
 
 Congenital malformations are occasionally re- 
 sponsible, such as imperf orate hymen, absence of 
 ovaries, tubes, uterus, and even of the vagina. 
 Early marriages are more often childless than 
 later ones, the most fertile being those occurring 
 at from twenty to twenty-four years of age. 
 
 It is also certain that a lowered condition of 
 the health of the woman is likely to destroy the 
 childbearing function, although it sometimes 
 happens that the bearing of children acts as a 
 stimulus to the functions of the body and good 
 health follows. 
 
 The habitual use of alcohol is considered by 
 some to be detrimental to fecundity. Just how 
 this acts it is impossible to say beyond that it 
 lowers the nervous tone and general health of 
 the body. Overwork, worry, and emotional dis- 
 
 267
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRTAGE 
 
 turbances may at times so depress the nervous 
 and physical powers of the woman that healthy 
 ova are not secreted. 
 
 Venereal disease is too often the cause of ster- 
 ility. This may be gonorrhea in either the hus- 
 band or wife, causing destruction of testicles or 
 ovaries, or, as occasionally happens, a chronic 
 inflammatory condition of the spermatic ducts 
 of the man, or of the fallopian tubes of the 
 woman, producing occlusion which prevents the 
 passage of the male and female elements of con- 
 ception. 
 
 That syphilis is a potent cause of non-preg- 
 nancy is maintained by many urologists and 
 gynecologists. Whether it is truly syphilis, or 
 the treatment usually taken for this disease, has 
 never been determined. It is certain that the 
 mercury and arsenic used in the treatment of 
 syphilis, with the idea of killing the treponema 
 pallida in the blood, cannot fail to have a degen- 
 erative effect upon both the spermatozoa and 
 ova. There are many cases on record, however, 
 where healthy children have been born after 
 either one or both parents had been infected and 
 received treatment. Personal health is proba- 
 bly the deciding factor after all. 
 
 Sterility, of course, necessarily follows opera- 
 tions for the removal of the tubes and ovaries. 
 If one tube and part of an ovary are left, preg- 
 nancy is possible. 
 
 A woman thinking herself sterile should un- 
 dergo an examination to determine the presence 
 
 268
 
 STERILITY 
 
 or absence of inflammation, growths, or malfor- 
 mations. If there is inflammation of uterus, tubes 
 or ovaries, treatment for these conditions must 
 be instituted. If there is a displacement, it must 
 be corrected. In case of imperforate hymen, a 
 slight surgical operation is indicated. If there 
 are malformations, or one of the necessary gen- 
 erative organs is absent, there is, of course, no 
 remedy. 
 
 Very often there is such an excessive leucor- 
 rhea of an acid nature, that the spermatozoa are 
 either killed or prevented from reaching the 
 uterus or tube. In such cases a vaginal douche, 
 consisting of a teaspoonful of baking-soda and 
 a teaspoonful of common salt to a quart of 
 water, may remedy the condition. The normal 
 reaction of the vaginal secretions is acid, but in 
 case of ill-health they may become unduly so. 
 
 If none of the above conditions can be dem- 
 onstrated, a general health-building regime 
 should be taken up, along the lines laid down 
 in chapter twelve. In very many cases it will 
 be found that improved health will be followed 
 by conception. 
 
 Women should understand that not only may 
 a lack of vitality resulting from overwork, want 
 of food, or actual disease, be the cause of sterility, 
 but that there are also mental and emotional con- 
 ditions which may cause barrenness. Prolonged 
 or intense mental depression or excitement, 
 anxiety, fear, grief, suspicion, jealousy, anger, 
 revenge, are not only strikingly preventive of 
 
 269
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 conception but also of normal ovulation. Such 
 states, too, may render the male reproductive 
 germs incapable of impregnating as well as the 
 female germs incapable of receiving fertilization. 
 They may also prevent the normal development 
 of an embryo after fertilization has once been 
 effected. 
 
 It may be well for us to consider briefly some 
 of the local causes of sterility. For example, if 
 the hymen has never been perforated it would be 
 impossible for the male germs to enter the 
 uterus and, therefore, fertilization will be im- 
 possible. There may be some other malforma- 
 tion or defective development of some part of 
 the sexual system. If some part of the repro- 
 ductive canal as, for example, the vagina or 
 the fallopian tubes has grown together, thus 
 completely interfering with the proper passage 
 of the germ cell, conception cannot take place. 
 Displacements of the uterus and similar de- 
 rangements may have the same effect. 
 
 Sometimes the lining membrane of the uterus 
 may be so diseased as to prevent the necessary 
 attachments of the ovum to the uterine walls for 
 the purpose of development. Acid secretions, 
 resulting from leucorrhea and other complaints, 
 may kill the spermatazoa and thus prevent fer- 
 tilization. 
 
 Probably the most common of these local 
 causes of sterility are defects in the ovaries or 
 fallopian tubes. As has been mentioned else- 
 where, if the gonorrheal infection reaches the 
 
 270
 
 STERILITY 
 
 fallopian tubes, it may cause a complete closing 
 of these passages, thus preventing the ovaries 
 from reaching the uterus. This alone causes 
 more than fifty per cent, of involuntary sterility. 
 In many of these cases, the actual condition can 
 be determined only by competent physicians, 
 and a goodly percentage of these abnormal con- 
 ditions, it is encouraging to know, can be re- 
 lieved by the proper treatment. 
 
 One other cause must also be considered. This 
 has been termed a lack of adaptation. The hus- 
 band and wife may be so fundamentally un- 
 adapted to a real union of life that their physical 
 union does not result in conception. 
 
 As we said before, the husband is too often 
 to blame, and if is needless to say that he should 
 investigate the matter and take as great care 
 of his health as the wife. Indeed if there is no 
 obvious cause in the wife, the condition of the 
 husband should be ascertained before the wife is 
 subjected to examination. 
 
 The time of the connection is often responsible 
 for the failure of pregnancy, although this is not 
 absolute, inasmuch as pregnancy is possible and 
 has occurred at any time. If intercourse takes 
 place within a week after menstruation, however, 
 pregnancy is more apt to follow. 
 
 Conception and childbearing are normal func- 
 tions of woman, and just as other bodily func- 
 tions are dependent upon good health, so the 
 occurrence and satisfactory termination of the 
 reproductive crisis is dependent upon this condi- 
 tion. 
 
 271
 
 SPECIAL NOTE 
 
 Disorders and weaknesses of women are so 
 common that a certain amount of fundamen- 
 tal information along these lines should form 
 a part of the education of every woman. It is 
 the aim of the following chapters to supply in- 
 formation of this type. These chapters are in- 
 tended for educational purposes only. Where 
 suggestions on treatment are offered it is not in 
 any way intended that they should take the place 
 of a physician's advice. Such suggestions are 
 indeed presented chiefly for the benefit of physi- 
 cians, osteopaths and others who may not suffi- 
 ciently appreciate the value of physical culture 
 methods in supplying that strength of body and 
 that improvement in the circulation which have 
 so much to do with overcoming weaknesses and 
 disorders of women. Even though it is desirable 
 for women to be well informed on these matters, 
 self-treatment is not safe nor advisable. One 
 should not be slow in securing professional help 
 in case of any trouble, first, to find out the nature 
 of the trouble, and, secondly, to secure safe and 
 effective treatment. 
 
 272
 
 CHAPTER XLIV 
 Menstrual Disorders 
 
 NORMAL menstruation in a healthy woman 
 should not occasion any symptoms of illness 
 whatever, except perhaps a slight malaise and a 
 sense of fullness in the pelvic region due to the 
 congestion. There should be no weakness or 
 physical disability. Any deviation from the nor- 
 mal, however slight, should be classed as a men- 
 strual disorder. 
 
 Although usually considered as functional dis- 
 orders, disturbances of menstruation are most 
 often based on some underlying constitutional 
 difficulty or organic condition, and local treat- 
 ment without considering the body as a whole is 
 not to be considered good treatment. 
 
 PREMATURE MENSTRUATION . Menstruation 
 in some cases has occurred before puberty in 
 fact, in infants. In the latter it usually lasts only 
 a few days and is of no consequence, except it be 
 profuse, when it may cause weakness. When it 
 occurs at a later age, but before the time expected 
 in that individual, it is usually due to precocious 
 development, or to the child's having had its at- 
 tention drawn to the sex functions by its nurse or 
 playmates perhaps being taught the habit of 
 masturbation. In such cases the genitals develop 
 prematurely, the breasts enlarge, and other signs 
 
 273
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 of puberty appear. Unless proper care is taken 
 and the child restrained, the foundation for fu- 
 ture weakness and nervous disorders may be laid. 
 
 Treatment. The child should be removed 
 from the influence of vicious companions. Rest 
 and sleep and proper feeding are needed to build 
 up the nervous system. Cleanliness, fresh air and 
 sunshine, and active outdoor exercise should be 
 encouraged. The mental development must not 
 be pushed at the expense of the physical. 
 
 LATE OR DELAYED MENSTRUATION. A moth- 
 er is often worried because her daughter has 
 passed the age of puberty and the menses have 
 not as yet appeared. Or the girl herself, if she 
 has been informed upon the subject, will wonder 
 what is the matter, and worry because the ex- 
 pected event does not occur. 
 
 This may be an hereditary condition, and ordi- 
 narily need cause no alarm, as the flow will be 
 established in good time. In some cases it is 
 due to a sedentary life, with its lack of exercise 
 and fresh air. It may be due to poor food or 
 insufficient food. The delay often occurs in the 
 case of those girls who habitually overeat and 
 who grow excessively fat. If the menses are de- 
 layed very long after the normal time of puberty, 
 it should be considered as an amenorrhea, and 
 the treatment of the condition will be taken up 
 'under that head. In simple delayed menstrua- 
 tion, no treatment is necessary apart from gen- 
 eral health improvement. 
 
 VICARIOUS MENSTRUATION. This is a rare 
 
 274
 
 MENSTRUAL DISORDERS 
 
 condition and occurs when, in the absence of nor- 
 mal menstruation, there is a flow of blood from 
 some other organ at the time when menstruation 
 should take place. This may happen every 
 twenty-eight days for some months. Hemorr- 
 hages from the nose, stomach, lungs, nipples, ear, 
 gums, bladder, or even from an unhealed ulcer 
 or open sore, may occur. There may be bleeding 
 hemorrhoids. In some cases there is no blood, 
 but an excessive leucorrhea, a diarrhea, or an un- 
 usual flow of saliva. No treatment is needed be- 
 yond that for the re-establishment of the normal 
 menstruation. 
 
 AMENORRHEA. This is a condition in which 
 there is an absence of menstruation for one or 
 more periods. Physiologically it occurs during 
 pregnancy and lactation. It may be due to the 
 absence of uterus or ovaries, either congenital or 
 through surgical removal. It may also be due to 
 undevelopment or malformation of uterus, ova- 
 ries, or vagina, or to an imperf orate hymen. 
 
 The ovary, besides its function of secreting the 
 ova, also has another function, that of secreting 
 a substance which is thrown into the lymphatic 
 stream, and is called an internal secretion. Other 
 glands in the body also have such a function, as 
 the thyroid, pituitary and adrenals. There seems 
 to be somewhat of an equilibrium between the 
 secretions of all of these glands, so that when the 
 function of one is disturbed that of one of the 
 others may be changed. Hence in disturbances 
 of the thyroid there may be an amenorrhea. 
 
 275
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 The most common causes of the condition, 
 however, are those due to a change in the health 
 and well-being of the woman. Amenorrhea in 
 itself very seldom produces ill-health, but vice 
 versa. Aiiemia, either primary, as chlorosis and 
 pernicious anemia, or secondary to a wasting dis- 
 ease, is a common cause. Tuberculosis and ma- 
 laria are very often to blame. It may be due to 
 organic disease of the heart, liver, kidney, or 
 spleen. Digestive disturbances, diabetes, and 
 nervous disorders conduce to the disorder. It 
 may follow an attack of an acute disease, as 
 pneumonia, diphtheria, typhoid, etc. 
 
 We have observed amenorrhea in several cases 
 in which the women were actively engaged in 
 athletic and gymnasium work. This is also a 
 case of conservation on the part of the body, all 
 available vitality apparently being expended in 
 the vigorous muscular effort. 
 
 Treatment. We generally have to consider 
 whether the girl or woman ever has menstruated, 
 or whether the flow has been established at pub- 
 erty, but for some reason has missed one or more 
 periods at a subsequent time. 
 
 In the first case, puberty arrives with all its 
 signs except the menses; periodically the girl is 
 seen to be dull, to lose her appetite, to suffer with 
 malaise, and often headache. This lasts for a few 
 days and then she is all right. This may go on 
 for months before the general health shows signs 
 of failing. 
 
 276
 
 MENSTRUAL DISORDERS 
 
 In the second class we must always rule out 
 pregnancy and lactation. 
 
 The treatment of both classes is practically the 
 same. In the first place, if the cause can be found, 
 it must be removed before anything else is done. 
 If there is a constitutional or acute disease, it 
 must be treated by appropriate measures. 
 
 If the patient is inclined to stay indoors, and 
 reads and studies incessantly, a complete change 
 should be made in the manner of living. She 
 must go outdoors every day, practice deep 
 breathing, get as much sunshine as possible, and 
 engage in outdoor games and other exercises. 
 Walking and hill climbing are extremely bene- 
 ficial. If active exercises are too severe and seem 
 to tire the patient, massage or mild calisthenics 
 may be substituted. 
 
 The exclusive milk diet should next be thought 
 of. This is the best means we have of quickly 
 building up the quality as well as the quantity of 
 blood. 
 
 A proper amount of rest and sleep must be 
 secured. If the patient is obliged to be confined 
 indoors during the day, outdoor sleeping, or a 
 well- ventilated room is obligatory. During cold 
 weather warm clothing must be worn. 
 
 A cool sponge bath may be taken daily, and a 
 hot tub bath twice a week. The hot sitz bath 
 is a most valuable measure in amenorrhea. To 
 get the best effects from the sitz bath, it should 
 be taken daily for several days just before the 
 expected menstrual period. If the menses ap- 
 
 277
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 pear, it must be discontinued. The bath should 
 last from five to fifteen minutes. Between the 
 menstrual periods the cold or cool sitz is of value, 
 but this must be stopped several days before the 
 time for the menses. It may be alternated with 
 the hot sitz. If the baths seem to weaken the pa- 
 tient, or take too much energy, they had better 
 be discontinued, or only the hot sitz used. 
 
 The bowels must be kept free and active by 
 proper diet, the enema being used in emergencies, 
 cathartics never. 
 
 Systematic abdominal massage and bending 
 exercises are of benefit. 
 
 MENORRHAGIA. This is a condition character- 
 ized by an excessive flow of blood at the men- 
 strual periods, or a prolongation of the normal 
 menstrual period. It is sometimes called "flood- 
 
 ing." 
 
 It may be due to local or constitutional causes. 
 The most important local causes are: Infective 
 and simple inflammation of the uterus ; displace- 
 ments of the uterus; fibroid tumor and cancer; 
 polypi; disease of the ovaries. Any condition 
 producing a congestion of the pelvic viscera is a 
 cause, as uncompensated heart disease, tumors of 
 the abdomen, congestion of the liver, the wear- 
 ing of tight bands, or corsets. Straining because 
 of constipation, excessive work or exercise, heavy 
 lifting, running sewing machines, standing all 
 day at ironing, or clerking, are sometimes potent 
 causes. Constitutionally, the woman may be 
 anemic, or there may be a tendency to bleed. 
 
 278
 
 MENSTRUAL DISORDERS 
 
 There may also be weakness following acute dis- 
 ease, or resulting from a constitutional disease. 
 The condition may be due to excessive use of 
 alcoholic liquors, overeating, or the use of stimu- 
 lating foods. If pregnancy is present or sus- 
 pected, it may indicate a threatened abortion. 
 
 Treatment. The woman should rest, prefer- 
 ably in bed, during the time of the period. This 
 alone will sometimes shorten the time, or reduce 
 the quantity of the flow. Liquids should be re- 
 stricted. The diet should contain foods which 
 are known to be laxative. 
 
 A careful examination should be made to rule 
 out the presence of local disease. If present this 
 must be treated. 
 
 A regime should be adopted that will build up 
 the general health. The quality of the blood must 
 be improved, and for this purpose there is noth- 
 ing better than the milk diet. This should be 
 taken up to within a few days of the period, and 
 then discontinued while it lasts. In some cases a 
 fast during the first few days of the period is ad- 
 visable. This very often shortens the time. Be- 
 tween the periods, mild exercise, such as calis- 
 thenics, walking, bending, and floor exercises 
 should be taken. These will reduce the pelvic 
 congestion and tend to equalize the circulation. 
 
 Between periods the cold sitz bath is beneficial. 
 This should last for one minute, and is best taken 
 just before retiring. It may be taken every even- 
 ing, but must be discontinued upon the appear- 
 ance of the flow. The cold sitz is used sometimes 
 
 279
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 to check the flow, but it may prove to be a dan- 
 gerous procedure, and should not be used unless 
 the flow has continued for a normal length of 
 time and there seem to be no signs of cessation. 
 Instead of the sitz bath a cold compress over the 
 pelvic region may be used. Massage over this 
 region is often beneficial. The hot vaginal 
 douche may be tried. 
 
 METRORRHAGIA. This is a condition in which 
 there is bleeding from the uterus between the nor- 
 mal menstrual periods. It must always be dis- 
 tinguished from menorrhagia because it usually 
 means that there is a serious local condition. It 
 may indicate an impending abortion, the pres- 
 ence of cancer or fibroid, or a severe inflamma- 
 tory condition of uterus or ovary. The treatment 
 is that of the underlying cause. 
 
 DYSMENORRHEA. This is the most dreaded 
 menstrual disturbance, causing in some cases in- 
 tense suffering for a few days at every menstrual 
 period, and often leading to serious impairment 
 of health, because of the pain and mental and 
 physical depression. 
 
 The causes are many. One type is neuralgic in 
 character. It is probably due to congestion of 
 the pelvic viscera, and is often associated with 
 neuralgia in other parts of the body. The pain 
 is sharp, and seems to radiate from the region of 
 the ovaries, to the uterus and back, and down the 
 legs. 
 
 This type of menorrhea may be due partly, or 
 indeed sometimes even entirely, to the conditions 
 
 280
 
 MENSTRUAL DISORDERS 
 
 known as neurasthenia and hysteria. There 
 may be digestive disturbances and anemia. 
 
 A second type is congestive or inflammatory 
 in character, and is due to inflammation of the 
 uterus, or of the tissues in the vicinity of the 
 ovaries and uterus. Or it may be due to displace- 
 ments, or pressure from tumors. The pain is not 
 present before the flow, but comes on a few hours 
 after it has been established and lasts during the 
 period. The pain is throbbing in character, and 
 radiates to and up the spine, down the thighs and 
 to the back. 
 
 A third class is due to obstruction in the lumen 
 of the uterus. It may result from imperfect de- 
 velopment, or an infantile uterus. There may be 
 a stricture of the cervical canal, due to the con- 
 traction of scar tissue, or swelling because of in- 
 flammation. There may be a flextion (doubling 
 over) of the uterus, tumor, polypus, or clots of 
 blood. The pains are paroxysmal and intense in 
 character and disappear as soon as the flow is 
 established. 
 
 A fourth type is the membraneous form, in 
 which the superficial layers of the uterine lining 
 are cast off. 
 
 Treatment. When the patient is seized with 
 the pains she should go to bed immediately. The 
 bowels should be emptied by means of a hot 
 enema. This alone often relieves. A hot com- 
 press should be placed over the lower abdomen 
 and pelvic region, covered with a hot-water 
 bottle. Instead of these, bags filled with oats or 
 
 281
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 bran can be heated and applied. They may also 
 be placed under the buttocks. Hot drinks may 
 now be given. No food should be taken. The 
 patient must be kept warm, by placing hot- water 
 bottles to the feet and limbs, if necessary. If the 
 pain is severe and the above measures fail, the 
 patient should be put into a hot sitz bath, the 
 water being as hot as can be borne. She should 
 stay in this until the pain is relieved, or at least 
 for a half hour, returning immediately to bed. 
 
 It is between periods, however, that the real 
 cure must be made. Every measure that will tend 
 to build up the health must be taken. Fresh air, 
 outdoor exercise, games, walking, and hill-climb- 
 ing, etc., are all good. Sufficient sleep and rest 
 must be secured. The diet should be wholesome, 
 practically along the lines mentioned before. If 
 there is a local condition, such as displacement, 
 obstruction, or inflammation, it must be taken 
 care of by appropriate treatment. In most cases 
 the one remedy that has been most effective is a 
 fast of from seven to fourteen days followed by 
 the exclusive milk diet. If desired, a series of 
 fasts of three to five days may be taken, using the 
 milk diet between. 
 
 Between periods the cold sitz bath, or the alter- 
 nate hot and cold sitz bath, may be taken, with 
 the idea of toning up the uterus. 
 
 A woman is tempted to take drugs to ease her 
 pain, but this is not advisable, as the drug only 
 deadens sensation and in no way removes the 
 cause, or helps the condition. 
 
 282
 
 MENSTRUAL DISORDERS 
 
 For the most part, the entire problem of 
 womanly comfort in this connection is a matter of 
 living a natural life and building vigorous health. 
 Nature never intended that a woman should 
 suffer, and except in unusual conditions of 
 physical abnormality a woman will not suffer if 
 she has strength, good circulation, good blood, 
 and the proper bodily posture that will enable 
 her to keep every organ functioning freely and 
 normally. The lower animals have no trouble 
 along these lines, and every human being should 
 be a good animal. Women should strive to make 
 themselves ideal specimens of healthy animal life, 
 and if they will do this, in practically all cases 
 painful disorders of this kind or of any other 
 kind will be unknown. 
 
 283
 
 CHAPTER XLV 
 SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN. 
 
 LEASE note that we do not maintain that 
 * the suggestions found herein for the treat- 
 ment of disease will take the place of a compe- 
 tent doctor. They can be used when one is not 
 able to secure expert advice, or they can assist 
 one in selecting an intelligent physician who 
 thoroughly understands the principles of nat- 
 ural treatment. All injections, or other medical 
 remedial measures suggested, should be prepared 
 by medical or other qualified practitioner. It is 
 not safe to tamper with remedies of this sort 
 without detailed knowledge of their use. 
 
 In discussing the diseases peculiar to women 
 we do not do so with the idea that a competent 
 physician is not necessary for their diagnosis and 
 treatment, for in many cases only a careful exam- 
 ination will disclose the true nature of the trouble 
 and insure its recognition early enough to effect 
 a cure. We wish, however, to give a few ideas 
 which will help to a true understanding of the 
 conditions mentioned and assist in selecting the 
 right treatment. Most of the operations per- 
 formed on women are for pelvic disturbancs, 
 which have begun as simple inflammation and, 
 because of negligence or wrong treatment, have 
 gone on to organic disease. Indeed, many gyne- 
 
 284
 
 SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN 
 
 cologists admit that they have no specific cure for 
 local diseases of women and their usual practice 
 is to wait until the case gets well of itself, or goes 
 on until operation is indicated. Modern gyne- 
 cology has practically devolved into pelvic and 
 abdominal surgery. We know of many women 
 who have escaped operation and have become 
 well by following out constructive and conserva- 
 tive natural treatment. 
 
 LEUCORRHEA. 
 
 This troublesome complaint, commonly known 
 as "the whites," or flur albus, is not a specific 
 disease in itself, but is a symptom of inflamma- 
 tion. Since most women think of it as a special 
 disease, and as it is one of the first symptoms 
 that takes them to a physician, we will discuss it 
 from that viewpoint. 
 
 Leucorrhea is a catarrhal discharge from the 
 mucus membrane of the genital tract and may 
 be either acute or chronic, resulting either from 
 a simple or a specific inflammation. 
 
 Its presence indicates an inflammation of the 
 vulva, vagina, cervix, uterus, or tubes. It may, 
 however, be part of a general catarrhal condition 
 of the entire system in which case only constitu- 
 tional treatment is indicated. 
 
 Causes. Exposure to cold and wet ; long-con- 
 tinued standing, or too much running of sewing 
 machines; displacements of the uterus; lacera- 
 tions and ulcerations of the cervix ; excessive sex- 
 ual intercourse; frequent or prolonged sexual 
 
 285
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 excitement ; wearing pessaries ; too frequent use 
 of vaginal douches ; worms from the rectum gain- 
 ing entrance to the vagina; acute infectious dis- 
 eases; street dust; irritation from acrid uterine 
 and vaginal discharges ; retention of decomposed 
 menstrual fluid; overeating and the use of alco- 
 hol, drugs, tea and coffee ; highly seasoned foods ; 
 the presence of polypi, tumors and cysts. In 
 many instances gonorrheal infection is the 
 cause. 
 
 Symptoms. The whitish discharge is the prin- 
 cipal symptom, but in many cases, especially 
 when the uterus and tubes are involved, there is 
 more or less pain and sense of fullness in the pel- 
 vic region as well as backache and symptoms re- 
 ferable to the organs involved. The discharge 
 may be profuse, necessitating the constant w Bar- 
 ing of a napkin. It may be serous, or thick and 
 purulent in consistency. If due to infection there 
 will be fever. In most cases, however, the condi- 
 tion is chronic from the onset, and the discharge, 
 with a slight uncomfortable feeling, and itching 
 and burning of the external genitals, are the only 
 symptoms. 
 
 Treatment. Most women resort to the vaginal 
 douche upon the first appearance of a leucorrhea. 
 This is often a mistake, as it perpetuates the 
 trouble. Indeed the present-day promiscuous use 
 of douches with strong antiseptics is a fruitful 
 cause of leucorrhea. The mucous membrane lin- 
 ing the genital tract is self-cleansing; the secre- 
 tions are normally acid and protect from infec- 
 
 286
 
 SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN 
 
 tion. The douches, especially if alkaline, or con- 
 taining chemical antiseptics, destroy this element 
 and the membrane loses its defense. Besides, the 
 normal current or flow is downward and out, and 
 the douche may carry infective material upward 
 to the uterus and tubes and even to the peritoneal 
 cavity. This is a very potent and constant cause 
 of female illness. 
 
 Locally the only treatment advisable is external 
 cleanliness by frequent use of soap and hot water 
 and the application of a bland lubricant or pow- 
 der to prevent itching and burning. In many 
 cases even these are not necessary. When a nap- 
 kin is worn it must be changed frequently. A hot 
 sitz bath should be taken at least twice daily if the 
 case is severe. This should last for ten to thirty 
 minutes. If this is inconvenient, the parts may be 
 bathed with hot water for ten minutes. In some 
 cases hot and cold sitz baths are more efficacious, 
 alternating three or four times, remaining in the 
 cold water one or two minutes and in the hot 
 water three or four minutes. Use great caution 
 however to avoid the ill effect that sometimes re- 
 sults from remaining in the cold sitz bath too 
 long. The hot foot bath also is beneficial. If the 
 irritative cause is discoverable, this of course 
 must be removed. A few days in bed will help 
 to lessen pelvic congestion, but is seldom neces- 
 sary. Fasting is one of the best means for re- 
 ducing inflammation in any part of the body and 
 restoring membranes to the normal condition. 
 A fast of from five to ten days will be of great 
 
 287
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 benefit. A series of short fasts can be taken if 
 a long fast is undesirable. These should be fol- 
 lowed by the exclusive milk diet, or a fruit or 
 vegetarian diet. The idea is to improve the qual- 
 ity of the blood, and then by exercise and baths 
 restore a normal circulation and thus reduce the 
 pelvic congestion. Abdominal massage and 
 bending exercises are of inestimable benefit. 
 
 Of course it is even more important to avoid 
 producing pelvic congestion than to reduce it, 
 and as a preventive policy it is, therefore, espe- 
 cially necessary to avoid sexual excitement. This 
 is unquestionably one of the most common 
 causes of leucorrhea, and all habits and condi- 
 tions conducive to such excitement should receive 
 attention. Particularly, a condition of unsatis- 
 fied passion should be avoided. The reader is 
 referred to the chapter on the "Dangers of Love 
 Making" for specific advice on this phase of the 
 subject. 
 
 GONORRHEA. 
 
 This ailment comes under the heading of ve- 
 nereal diseases. An extraordinary advance has 
 been made in its treatment recently by the medi- 
 cal profession. Seek the aid of a competent 
 physician as early as possible when you have any 
 reason to believe you have acquired the disease. 
 Do not assume the serious risk of hampering with 
 yourself in self -treatment. The following in- 
 formation is presented for the benefit of physi- 
 cians who are desirous of learning something of 
 
 288
 
 SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN 
 
 the drugless treatment and to assist those who are 
 unable to secure the advice of a competent phy- 
 sician. 
 
 Specific inflammation in the female is a serious 
 condition. Its effects are more far-reaching than 
 those of any other disease. Beginning as an in- 
 flammation of the vulva, vagina and urethra it 
 may extend through continuity of the membrane 
 to the cervix, uterus, tubes, ovaries, peritoneum, 
 bladder, ureters and kidneys, resulting in abscess, 
 sterility, nephritis, or even death. 
 
 Cause. The gonococcus is the associated bac- 
 terium. The disease is usually acquired during 
 sexual relations, although it may be transmitted 
 by means of infected towels, clothing, toilet seats 
 and bath tubs. In all cases in which there is a 
 thick purulent discharge from the vagina, a mi- 
 croscopic examination should be made, not only 
 to diagnose the condition, but for the protection 
 of the patient and others. 
 
 Symptoms. A few days after exposure to in- 
 fection the patient will notice an uncomfortable 
 feeling in the vagina and at the vulva an irrita- 
 tion with heat, redness, swelling and perhaps 
 pain. The parts are at first dry, but gradually 
 there appears a slight watery discharge which 
 rapidly becomes thick, yellowish, or greenish. 
 The parts become more reddened and swollen and 
 painful to pressure. The urethra practically al- 
 ways becomes infected and burning urination 
 follows. The glands in the groin become swollen 
 and tender. The urethral and vaginal glands are 
 
 289
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 infected and may become greatly swollen, retain- 
 ing the infection for a long time after the acute 
 condition subsides. The vaginal walls become 
 roughened, especially if corrosive antiseptics are 
 used, thus allowing the infection to penetrate to 
 the deeper layers of the mucous membrane. 
 Should the inflammation extend to the uterus and 
 tubes there will be general pelvic pain and ele- 
 vation of temperature and pulse. The acute con- 
 dition subsides and is followed by a chronic leu- 
 corrhea which may be present for a long while, 
 but gradually subsides. The urine may be cloudy 
 and contain shreds for many months. 
 
 Treatment. Many advanced medical men 
 recommend as an injection, or application to the 
 inflamed surface, of iodagol, chlorazene, sulphide 
 of zinc, or allied solutions, for the treatment of 
 this complaint in its first stages. Usually when 
 this treatment is applied to the inflamed surface 
 soon after its first appearance the symptoms dis- 
 appear and the disease does not have a chance to 
 develop. In the vagina the douche will have to be 
 used; in the urethra the injection will have to be 
 used. In many cases where treatment of this 
 .character is quickly applied every two or three 
 hours at the beginning of the first symptoms the 
 disease can be eliminated before it has had a 
 chance to secure a definite foothold. 
 
 The statement is made by many hygienic phy- 
 sicians that this method of treatment dri res the 
 disease back into the system. As this disease is 
 due entirely to local infection, many maintain 
 
 290
 
 SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN 
 
 that the quick removal of the first symptoms in- 
 dicates the elimination of the disease. This the- 
 ory cannot be substantiated and cannot be dis- 
 proven. The facts, however, must be recognized 
 that this is indeed a serious disease and that to 
 allow it to proceed on its ordinary course of de- 
 velopment means serious inflammation of the 
 membranous surface that leads into the womb, 
 the fallopian tubes, urethra, bladder, etc. There- 
 fore it is well if possible to avoid the risk of se- 
 rious infection of this sort, and if a proper anti- 
 septic can be used which immediately stops the 
 advancement of the disease, it is doubtless the 
 safest procedure in many cases, especially when 
 the full details of the natural treatment cannot 
 be immediately adopted, though we must admit, 
 that this suggestion does not harmonize with the 
 theories of natural treatment. 
 
 In following the principles of strictly natural 
 treatment no half-way measures are of value. 
 You must adhere strictly to the rules if results are 
 to be expected. The patient should, if possible, 
 go to bed and keep quiet. If this is not feasible, 
 at least as little exertion as is consistent with the 
 daily life should be allowed. She should keep off 
 her feet, and avoid the running of sewing ma- 
 chines, dancing and riding on street cars and 
 automobiles. A strict fast of from five to ten 
 days at this time will do more to reduce the in- 
 flammation than any other measure. Large 
 quantities of water should be drunk, at least four 
 quarts each day. If fasting is uncomfortable, 
 
 291 
 
 20
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 fruit juices may be taken. In case of urethral in- 
 fection the patient should make a practice of uri- 
 nating every hour. 
 
 The question of the douche again comes up. 
 Some of the best gynecologists are declaring 
 against it. The normal secretions of the vagina 
 will combat the disease and with the douche there 
 is always the danger of carrying infection to the 
 uterus and tubes. The vagina has great facility 
 for cleansing itself and throwing off secretions, 
 and the direction of the flow is downward. The 
 very strong astringent solutions commonly used 
 are responsible for the eroding of the outer lay- 
 ers of the mucous membrane, thus allowing the 
 infection to go deeper and producing a chronic 
 gonorrhea. We therefore advise against the too 
 frequent or indiscriminate use of douches, espe- 
 cially when strong chemical antiseptics are used. 
 There is no doubt that there are many instances 
 in which a douche is helpful for the sake of clean- 
 liness, but it should be understood clearly that 
 this is the purpose for which it is employed. A 
 boric acid solution is undoubtedly the ideal agent 
 for the purpose, although a weak saline solution 
 (a teaspoonful of salt in a quart of water) is also 
 very satisfactory. Where there is a very profuse 
 discharge there is no doubt that such a douche is 
 advisable. It should be said, however, that the 
 common fountain syringe douche is not usually 
 very satifactory, inasmuch as there are many 
 folds of the mucous membrane which are not 
 reached. The patient should follow closely the 
 
 292
 
 instructions of her physician in the preparation 
 and use of douches. Self -prescribed treatment 
 is dangerous. 
 
 A pad or napkin must be worn for collecting 
 the discharge. This must be changed frequently, 
 the external genitals being washed with soap and 
 hot water at every changing. We might also 
 mention in this connection that the hands must 
 be thoroughly washed with strong soap and hot 
 water immediately after changing the pads. Care 
 must be observed that the infected fingers do not 
 touch the eyes, as a gonorrhea! ophthalmia is 
 quickly fatal to sight. The pads must be burned 
 after removal. The bath-tub and towels must be 
 disinfected after use. If there are children in the 
 house they must be protected from possible in- 
 fection. 
 
 During the most acute stage the hot sitz bath 
 should be taken several times daily, lasting from 
 fifteen to thirty minutes. The bowels must be 
 kept free, but the enema must under no circum- 
 stances be used for this purpose, as the danger of 
 rectal infection is great. Saline laxatives (a table- 
 spoonful of common table salt in a glass of water, 
 for instance), any of the laxative mineral waters 
 on the market, or regulation with foods, should 
 be relied on. 
 
 The fast should be followed by the milk diet, 
 using five or six quarts each day. A combination 
 milk and fruit diet may be used, with four meals 
 daily consisting of a pint or more of milk and 
 whatever fruit is desired at each meal. When 
 
 293
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 resuming the usual diet, care must be observed 
 not to overeat, to avoid highly seasoned foods, 
 alcoholic drinks, tea and coffee. Flesh foods are 
 better left alone. 
 
 Sexual intercourse must of course be forbidden 
 until repeated microscopical examinations show 
 the absence of the gonococus in the secretions 
 of the urethral and vaginal glands. 
 
 PELVIC INFLAMMATION. These include: Sal- 
 pingitis, or inflammation of the fallopian tubes; 
 oophoritis, or inflammation of the ovaries; peri- 
 tonitis, or inflammation of the pelvic peritoneum ; 
 pelvic cellulitis, or inflammation of the tissues 
 surrounding the uterus and its appendages. 
 These are all dangerous conditions and are 
 usually due to gonorrheal infection, or infection 
 from the use of instruments, abortions, or child- 
 birth. Thev may also arise by extension of in- 
 
 tr w v 
 
 fection from the appendix and bladder. 
 
 The mildest stage of pelvic inflammation is a 
 slight inflammation of the tubes, and no damage 
 is done except a small amount of thickening of 
 the walls of the tubes, both ends of the parts 
 remaining open. In the second stage the tubes, 
 ovaries, uterus and intestines are bound together 
 by adhesions, but there is no retention of pus. 
 The third stage is the tubal abscess, known popu- 
 larly as a "pus tube", in which the pus is retained 
 within the distended tube. This is a dangerous 
 condition as the tube may rupture causing a 
 fatal peritonitis. In the fourth stage the pus has 
 escaped from the tube but is still walled in by the 
 
 294
 
 SPECIAL DISEASES OFWOMEN 
 
 surrounding peritoneum, forming a large ab- 
 scess. The fifth stage is an acute general peri- 
 tonitis, the pus being diffused and not walled in. 
 The sixth stage is a cellulitis or inflammation of 
 the tissues surrounding the pelvic organs. All of 
 the pelvic organs are usually involved in the 
 above conditions. 
 
 Symptoms. There is pain in the lower abdo- 
 men which becomes worse as the woman moves 
 about. In acute cases it is so severe that the bed 
 is sought. There is tenderness upon pressure in 
 one or both sides of the lower abdomen, or it may 
 be general over the whole area. There is usually 
 a rise of temperature and quickened pulse. The' 
 muscles of the abdominal region are tense. There 
 is usually a leucorrhea. Pain in the back is a 
 common symptom. 
 
 In many cases the woman will, with rest, quick- 
 ly recover from an attack, but the symptoms re- 
 turn at intervals, and as adhesions form there will 
 be more or less discomfort in the lower abdomen. 
 The general health also suffers to some extent. 
 If proper treatment is instituted early, the dis- 
 ease may be controlled and the necessity for oper- 
 ation obviated. This is one of the most common 
 causes of sterility. 
 
 Treatment. If every woman could have the! 
 benefit of natural treatment when first attacked 
 with pelvic disease, there would be fewer pelvic 
 organs sacrificed upon the operating table. 
 
 Upon the first appearance of symptoms the pa- 
 tient should go to bed and, as in all other illness 
 
 295
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 with fever, a fast of a few days is indicated. The 
 bowels must be moved daily by means of a warm 
 enema. This will also have a good effect upon 
 the inflammation. The hot sitz is indicated unless 
 it is impossible for the patient to be out of bed, 
 in which case hot compresses may be applied 
 over the lower abdomen. The thermo-light is 
 also of value. A good plan is to apply the hot 
 compresses, or the light, for a half-hour and then 
 apply a cold pack to be left on until dry, when it 
 should be renewed. If there is much restlessness, 
 a warm bath, or a light massage, omitting the ab- 
 domenal and pelvic regions, will be found of 
 benefit. 
 
 If the condition does not quickly subside and 
 the temperature continues high, the possibility of 
 an abscess should be kept in mind. Repeated 
 fasts may be necessary, especially when the con- 
 dition has become chronic. In the early stages 
 while there is free drainage through the tubes, re- 
 covery should take place quickly. In many cases, 
 even when abscesses have formed, absorption has 
 occurred with full recovery. This is especially 
 true in those cases which have adhered to the fast, 
 or have taken a series of short fasts. After the 
 fast care in diet must be exercised ; in fact it will 
 be found most beneficial to adhere strictly to 
 the milk or buttermilk diet for a long while. 
 
 After getting up from bed the woman should 
 be careful not to overwork. She should go to bed 
 early, get up late and rest frequently during the 
 day. After all signs of inflammation have dis- 
 
 296
 
 SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN 
 
 appeared, mild exercise is allowable. If adhe- 
 sions have occurred, bending exercises and abdo- 
 minal massage will be found valuable for stretch- 
 ing or breaking them up. Operations for adhe- 
 sions are usually unnecessary unless there is in- 
 testinal obstruction. The adhesions will in most 
 cases stretch and cause no more trouble. 
 
 SYPHILIS 
 
 This ailment comes under the heading of ve- 
 nereal diseases. An extraordinary advance has 
 been made in its treatment recently by the medi- 
 cal profession. Seek the aid of a competent phy- 
 sician as early as possible when you have any rea- 
 son to believe you have acquired the disease. Do 
 not assume the serious risk of hampering with 
 yourself in self -treatment. The following infor- 
 mation is presented for the benefit of physicians 
 who are desirous of learning something of the 
 drugless treatment and to assist those who are 
 unable to secure the advice of a competent phy- 
 sician. 
 
 This terrible disease is perhaps next to tubercu- 
 losis the greatest scourge with which the human 
 race has to contend. 
 
 The infecting agent is called the Treponema 
 pallidum. It gains entrance through a minute 
 abrasion, or break, in the surface of mucous 
 membrane or skin. It is probably true that it 
 can not gain entrance through an unbroken sur- 
 face. As the organism is microscopic in size it 
 
 297
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 will be evident that the site of entrance may also 
 be microscopic, so that in the absence of visible 
 abrasions one may think there is immunity, when 
 such is not the case. 
 
 As to hereditary syphilis, recent studies and 
 investigations have disproved many former 
 ideas. That syphilis is transmitted to the off- 
 spring through hereditary characteristics resid- 
 ing in the germ-cells of the individual, is no lon- 
 ger believed, it being known that the child ac- 
 quires the disease by direct infection from the 
 uterus or placenta. The idea also has been dis- 
 carded that the apparently healthy mother is im- 
 mune to infection by her syphilitic child, begot- 
 ten of a syphilitic father. Also that a healthy 
 child is immune to infection from a syphilitic 
 mother. 
 
 The Wasserman test, while not absolutely ac- 
 curate in all cases, is the best means of diagnosis 
 we have, in the absence of clinical symptoms. 
 
 Symptoms. The first sign of the disease ap- 
 pears about three weeks after exposure, as a 
 small red pimple which increases in size to that 
 of a ten- and often a five-cent piece. This ulcer- 
 ates in the center. A hardened area appears 
 around the ulcer; hence the name "hard 
 chancre." When located in the vagina the ulcer 
 may be very small and escape detection. 
 
 In about six weeks there may be moderate fever 
 with headache, pains in the limbs and digestive 
 disturbances. The throat becomes sore. The 
 glands in the neck and above the elbow swell and 
 
 298
 
 SPECIAL DISEASES OFWOMEN 
 
 in some cases there may be enlargement of the 
 spleen. Eruptions appear on the skin. These 
 may be reddened areas, raised pimples or pus- 
 tules, or copper-colored spots. The so-called mu- 
 cous patches appear at the angles of the mouth, 
 on the tongue, pharynx, tonsils, vagina, anus, 
 and even between the toes and fingers. The hair, 
 eyebrows and eyelashes may fall out, and the 
 finger-nails become brittle or grow irregularly. 
 This stage of the disease lasts for two or three 
 months and is followed by apparently good 
 health. The second stage may be very mild and 
 often is absent. 
 
 The third stage appears months or years after- 
 ward. At this time the gumma or syphilitic tu- 
 mors appear. They may appear in any part of 
 the body but especially in the skin, bones and 
 nervous system. They may ulcerate, causing 
 great destruction. In some cases the small bones 
 of the face are entirely destroyed. Large ulcers 
 may appear in the skin. The gumma is tender 
 and painful to pressure. Fever in this stage is 
 common. If pregnant, the woman may abort. 
 
 What is sometimes called the fourth stage of 
 the disease appears as constitutional distur- 
 bances years afterward. The most common are 
 diseases of the nervous system, as locomotor 
 ataxia, paralysis and insanity. 
 
 Treatment. The person who has contracted 
 syphilis must make up his or her mind that for 
 at least three to five years, life must be conducted 
 according to a very definite and strict plan, if 
 
 299
 
 health is to be restored. All use of alcoholic 
 drinks, tobacco, tea, coffee, highly seasoned 
 foods, drugs and other poisonous substances 
 must cease. 
 
 When the primary sore is first discovered it 
 must not be cauterized, nor must any astringent 
 remedy be applied. This prevents proper drain- 
 age and seals up the organisms in the ulcer. The 
 best way is to apply something that will keep the 
 ulcer open and running. Never mind if it does 
 not heal quickly. The best local application is 
 the cold, wet pack. This is made by dipping a 
 piece of absorbent cotton in cold water, squeez- 
 ing it out slightly and binding it onto the sore. 
 These must be changed very frequently, and 
 burned after removal. Clay packs may also be 
 applied in the same manner. If the sore is in 
 such position that it is impossible to bind on the 
 packs, it may be irrigated at least every two 
 hours for ten minutes with cold water, using a 
 sterile enema point and douche can. The stream 
 must be directed onto the sore and allowed to 
 drain away freely. This is all the local treatment 
 necessary. 
 
 The patient should take a fast as soon as pos- 
 sible. This should last for from seven to four- 
 teen days, unless the individual is under weight, 
 when a series of two- or three-day fasts may be 
 taken instead. Follow with the milk or butter- 
 milk diet. Outside of milk no other kind of ani- 
 mal food should be used during the whole course 
 of treatment. If milk is not used exclusively, the 
 
 300
 
 SPECIAL DISEASES OF WOMEN 
 
 diet should consist of fruit, nuts, cereals and 
 vegetables, both raw and cooked. The bowels 
 must be kept free by enemas or laxative foods. 
 Water should be taken freely. Skin action must 
 be promoted in every way. Three hot tub baths 
 per week and frequent cold sponges will help. 
 Fresh air, exercise and sunlight are of course im- 
 portant. 
 
 If there are secondary symptoms, the regime 
 must be even more rigid. All of the measures 
 mentioned above should be employed, and, in ad- 
 dition, the full cold-sheet pack should be used 
 every other day and in severe cases daily. The 
 patient should remain in the pack until free 
 sweating is induced. If the patient has taken 
 mercury the induction of sweating will be diffi- 
 cult, but the packs should be continued. If it is 
 summer, sun baths will be extremely beneficial. 
 
 In the third stage, or in cases where mercury 
 or salvarsan has been used, the disease must be 
 treated as a chronic one. Many of these cases 
 make very little improvement. They are really 
 cases of chronic mercurial or arsenical poisoning, 
 and the patient recovers to the extent that the 
 organs of the body are intact. Periodic fasts fol- 
 lowed by the milk diet must be taken over and 
 over again. 
 
 301
 
 CHAPTER XL VI 
 
 Displacements and Their Correction 
 
 BECAUSE of the elasticity of the support- 
 ing structures, the female pelvic organs are 
 quite mobile, and therefore very subject to dis- 
 placement. This is true not only of the uterus, 
 but of the ovaries as well, and very often there 
 is an accompanying displacement of the abdo- 
 minal viscera also. A very large percentage of 
 the cases examined in gynecological clinics show 
 some degree of uterine malposition. 
 
 The uterus may be displaced forward or back- 
 ward, upward or downward, or to either side, but 
 only two of these are of any great consequence, 
 viz. backward displacement, or retroversion, and 
 downward displacement, or prolapsus. You 
 probably know of retroversion as "tipping of the 
 womb," and of prolapsus as "falling of the 
 womb." 
 
 The normal position of the uterus varies ac- 
 cording to the center of gravity of the body, and 
 the physiological state of the neighboring organs. 
 While lying on the back the tendency is for the 
 fundus or upper part of the uterus to fall back- 
 ward towards the sacrum; if you are lying face 
 downward, it tends to fall forwards ; if on either 
 side, towards the side upon which you are lying; 
 in the standing position it sinks slightly in the 
 pelvis. It also has an upward movement. The 
 
 302
 
 DISPLACEMENTS 
 
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 WOMANHOOD AXD MARRIAGE 
 
 304
 
 DISPLACEMENTS 
 
 305
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 full bladder raises the body of the uterus and 
 tends to throw it backward, while the alternate 
 filling and emptying of the rectum also produces 
 some change in position. It may be said, how- 
 ever, that the general position of the uterus is 
 with its fundus tipped forward and the cervix 
 directed backward, the cervical canal being at 
 right angles to the long axis of the vagina. 
 
 Although the uterus may be abnormally ante- 
 verted, this is of no very great importance unless 
 it is flexed, or bent on itself, at the same time, 
 thus causing menstrual disturbances. Lateral 
 displacements are of no consequence. 
 
 CAUSES OF UTERINE DISPLACEMENT. Ac- 
 quired malpositions of the uterus of whatever 
 character are all practically due to the same 
 causes. Tell me that you have "falling* of the 
 womb" and I can describe your general condition 
 of health quite accurately, and also your habits 
 of living. You have been since girlhood disin- 
 clined to activity, and as a consequence your 
 muscles are weak and flabby, especially those of 
 your abdomen, which may be in a stretched and 
 sagging condition. You have also been a fairly 
 heavy eater and suffer from constipation. You 
 are either very lean, or inclined to. be very stout. 
 To keep your figure "trim" you wear corsets 
 which you put on while standing up, thus forcing 
 the abdominal contents downwards. 
 
 Among other causes are heavy lifting, active 
 exercise, such as jumping, dancing, and running 
 when in an untrained condition (these are bene- 
 
 306
 
 DISPLACEMENTS 
 
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 307
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 ficial when the woman is in condition for such 
 exercise) ; relaxation of the pelvic floor following 
 lacerations in childbirth ; habitual constipation, or 
 constant distension of the bladder; the presence 
 of pelvic or abdominal tumors. 
 
 One potent cause is getting up too soon after 
 childbirth. At this time the uterus is heavy and 
 its supports stretched and relaxed, and if the 
 woman gets on her feet and does too much mov- 
 ing about before complete involution, or return 
 of the uterus to normal, has taken place, a retro- 
 displacement, or prolapsus, may subsequently oc- 
 cur. Although some consider it a sign of supe- 
 rior strength and vitality that savage women, 
 and certain women of the laboring class, go about 
 their work immediately after giving birth to a 
 child, in reality this must sometimes be consid- 
 ered their misfortune, as it is well known that 
 displacements of the uterus are very common 
 among these women, many of whom are chroni- 
 cally overworked and have a very poor posture 
 in any case. 
 
 Symptoms of Retroversion. A certain de- 
 gree of displacement is possible without symp- 
 toms, but when there is a decided retroversion 
 the patient may suffer considerably. 
 
 You may have been feeling in the best of health, 
 but now you notice that you are not as vigorous 
 as formerly. You tire easily in fact feel tired 
 all the time. Your sleep and rest do not refresh 
 you. There is a dragging feeling in the pelvic 
 region and at times an intense pain, or an ache, in 
 
 308
 
 DISPLACEMENTS 
 
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 309
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 310
 
 DISPLACEMENTS 
 
 
 311
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 the sacral region. Your menses are unduly pro- 
 tracted and you have pain at this time. You are 
 constipated and have frequent urination. If 
 there is pregnancy, a miscarriage may follow. 
 
 Symptoms of Prolapsus. Prolapse, or "fall- 
 ing of the womb," may be a slight or pronounced 
 descent into the vagina, or the entire uterus may 
 even appear outside of the vulva, carrying the 
 vaginal walls down with it. In other cases it is 
 simply an elongation of the cervix. Prolapsus is 
 practically a more advanced stage of retrover- 
 sion. The uterus sinks gradually into the vagina 
 until the cervix appears at the orifice. If the 
 tissues here are relaxed, the entire uterus is soon 
 outside the vagina. Up to this time you will suf- 
 fer greatly from the continual dragging sensa- 
 tion incident to the stretching of the ligaments. 
 This discomfort ceases when full descent has oc- 
 curred, and the only distress is the sense of a 
 foreign body between the thighs. The vaginal 
 wall covering the uterus gradually becomes dry 
 and hardened, resembling skin, or it may become 
 eroded and ulcerated. 
 
 Treatment of Uterine Displacements. If 
 there are no symptoms and the condition is dis- 
 covered in examination, you should not worry 
 about it, as no treatment is necessary, unless you 
 are married and you think the displacement is 
 preventing you from becoming pregnant. If you 
 have decided symptoms, however, and the trou- 
 ble is undermining your health, it must be at- 
 tended to before a more advanced stage is 
 reached. 
 
 312
 
 DISPLACEMENTS 
 
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 313
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 In many cases the uterus must be put back 
 into position by manual means. This, however, 
 is not of much use unless it can be kept there. 
 For this purpose the vagina is sometimes packed 
 with gauze or pledgets of cotton, but these must 
 be removed in twenty-four hours and are there-, 
 fore not very effective. The pessary is often used 
 and this is more practical, and is useful tempor- 
 arily when the woman is obliged to be on her feet 
 continually, and some relief is necessary. The 
 pessary is often the cause of inflammation and 
 leucorrhea, and ulceration may occur from pres- 
 sure. Therefore it should not be worn contin- 
 ually, and other treatment should be undertaken 
 with the idea of discarding the pessary as soon 
 as possible. Frequent douches are necessary dur- 
 ing the time the pessary is used, and these, too, 
 are objectionable. The pessary, therefore, should 
 only be used when absolutely necessary 
 
 Before any permanent cure can be expected 
 the tone of the entire muscular system must be 
 improved. Some system of exercise which uses 
 every muscle should be adopted. The effect of 
 exercises is not alone on the voluntary muscles ; 
 the involuntary muscles and the ligaments also 
 are nourished and toned up by the increased cir- 
 culation. We know of various cases where noth- 
 ing of a local nature was done, and with general 
 exercise alone the condition was corrected. Of 
 course if the uterus is bound down by adhesions, 
 it can not be restored to position until these are 
 broken up or stretched by manual means. 
 
 314
 
 DISPLACEMENTS 
 
 315
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 In some cases, and especially if there is com- 
 plete prolapse, the services of a physician are nec- 
 essary in replacing the uterus. However, there 
 are certain positions which may be assumed by 
 the patient herself that will cause the uterus to 
 return to its proper place. For instance the knee- 
 chest position may be taken. Kneel down on the 
 bed, or other comfortable soft surface. With 
 head forward and chin on chest bend far forward 
 until the chest and abdomen bear heavily on the 
 legs. It will readily be seen that in this posi- 
 tion the tendency is for the uterus to fall for- 
 ward to its normal position. You should take 
 this position several times daily for from five to 
 ten minutes at a time. While in this position 
 place the fingers of both hands on the "small of 
 the back," and then attempt to harden or flex 
 these muscles. You may secure a result not 
 unlike the sensation of "straining at stool," 
 which will indicate that the exercise is taken cor- 
 rectly. Repeat until the muscles tire. 
 
 The knee-chest position is hard for some 
 women to assume and for such the slanting table 
 is useful. This is a table one end of which is at 
 least a foot lower than the other. A carpenter 
 will make it for you, or any one in the home 
 who is handy with tools can easily do it. Or 
 you can elevate one end of a couch for the pur- 
 pose. The ironing board, or any other board 
 two feet wide and five or six feet long, may be 
 used, by placing one end on a chair or the win- 
 dow sill. The patient lies on this, either on the 
 
 316
 
 DISPLACEMENTS 
 
 317
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 Exercise 11. Raising both legs from the board to a 
 vertical position is a more vigorous exercise than the preced- 
 ing one. If not strong, this exercise should not be attempted 
 at once, but a little later will give variety and greater effect- 
 iveness to exercises. Repeat five or ten times. 
 
 318
 
 DISPLACEMENTS 
 
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 Hill 
 
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 319
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 back, or face down, with the head at the lower 
 end. For retroversion face down. You may lie 
 quiet on this table for ten minutes to an hour at 
 a time, several times daily, or certain exercises 
 may also be taken on it. For instance the legs 
 may be raised alternately upward. The body 
 may be raised by straightening the arms, and 
 then lowered. The legs may be alternately 
 moved outward. After a time exercises may be 
 taken while lying on either side and also upon the 
 back, such as moving the legs to the side and up- 
 ward, alternately and together. All of these ex- 
 ercises will develop the muscles of the abdominal 
 and pelvic region, which is very important. 
 
 Another very valuable exercise is to contract 
 the muscles of the anus and the constrictor 
 muscles of the urinal canal in plainer terms the 
 muscles that are used in urinating and in defecat- 
 ing. Make it a point to contract these muscles 
 a number of times while on the slanting table. 
 They can also be exercised advantageously while 
 lying in bed. 
 
 After taking the exercises it is well to lie quiet, 
 face downward, for a few minutes before getting 
 off the table. This is the most important part of 
 the whole treatment, and we know of many cases 
 which have been benefitted. Sleeping chest 
 downward is also of value. 
 
 The use of the cold sitz bath will tend to bring 
 the blood to the pelvic region and thus tone up 
 the muscles and ligaments. This should be taken 
 daily, for from one to four minutes, according to 
 
 320
 
 DISPLACEMENTS 
 
 Exercise 13. This is a variation of the preceding "scis- 
 sors" exercise, the action of the legs in this case being cross- 
 wise instead of in line with the body. With the legs held 
 perpendicularly, spread them apart one or two feet, or as far 
 as you can without strain, and then cross them as in the 
 illustration, alternating by crossing the left leg above and 
 below the right. Repeat ten or twenty times.
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 the temperature of the water, being discontinued 
 of course, during the menses. If there is inflam- 
 mation use the hot sitz. 
 
 In case of complete prolapse, or "falling," after 
 replacement of the uterus, the woman should go 
 to bed for several days, remaining most of the 
 time in the prone position. Large pledgets of 
 cotton attached to a string may be introduced 
 into the vagina to prevent the uterus from de- 
 scending again. These must be changed daily. 
 If the woman is not obliged to work, or be on 
 her feet for a considerable part of her time, we 
 would advise the avoidance of pessaries, or sup- 
 ports of any kind, the exercises mentioned being 
 relied upon for the relief of the trouble. If one 
 continues in bed for any length of time, it is espe- 
 cially important to take the reclining exercises 
 mentioned, including all possible leg movements 
 for strengthening the abdominal region. 
 
 322
 
 CHAPTER XLVII 
 
 Tumors 
 
 MANY women, if asked to name the disease 
 they fear most, would at once mention 
 cancer, and, indeed, not only cancer, but all 
 forms of tumor are the dread of every woman. 
 
 Correctly speaking, any swelling is a tumor, 
 but pathologically considered, a tumor is a cir- 
 cumscribed new growth of tissue, or a neoplasm. 
 In other words a tumor is simply an overgrowth 
 of the tissue in which it originates, as it is com- 
 posed of the same kind of cells, this fact being 
 made the basis of a histological classification of 
 tumors, according to the four fundamental em- 
 bryological tissues, viz., nervous, muscular, epi- 
 thelial and connective. 
 
 For practical purposes, however, tumors are 
 classified according to their ultimate effect upon 
 the body, as benign, or those which do not of 
 themselves disturb the general health and well- 
 being of the individual, and malignant, or those 
 which do. Certain cysts and fibroid tumors are 
 usually classed as benign, and carcinoma and 
 sarcoma as malignant. The malignant tumors 
 are commonly called cancer. That this classifica- 
 tion is not a constant one is seen by the fact that 
 the most benign tumor may change into a malig- 
 nant one. 
 
 323
 
 Many theories have been advanced as to the 
 cause of tumors, and especially of cancer, but 
 as yet medical science has no reliable information 
 to offer on the subject. 
 
 Some think the new growths are due to cells 
 which have been misplaced by Nature in the de- 
 velopment of the individual, and for some reason 
 have suddenly begun to multiply; others, that 
 bacteria and protozoa may be the cause; others 
 again that the mutual relationship between cells 
 or groups of cells is destroyed and the normal 
 restraint of growth removed, resulting in rapid 
 proliferation. Still others believe that irritation, 
 mechanical, chemical, or other, stimulates repro- 
 duction of cells. 
 
 It is certain that tumors are dependent upon 
 the blood and lymph for their nutrition, and this 
 being so it seems reasonable to suppose that 
 toxins might be carried to and retained in cells, 
 thus producing a continued irritation, which Na- 
 ture attempts to combat by producing new cells. 
 In other words the chief cause of tumors, includ- 
 ing cancer, is the retention of foreign substances 
 in the blood, and this again is due to faulty elim- 
 ination and the ingestion of toxic material, in 
 the shape of too much food, wrong food, drugs, 
 serums, and antitoxins. Cancer seems to be 
 more prevalent among meat-eating nations, but 
 as it is also found among vegetarians, we must 
 look for a deeper cause. It is probable that meat 
 simply introduces a certain amount of poison 
 into the system and thus is a potent factor in the 
 
 324
 
 TUMORS 
 
 general toxicity of the body. Excesses in certain 
 foods, cooked foods, lack of organic salts, alco- 
 hol, and intestinal fermentation, have all been 
 mentioned as contributing agents. Beneath it all 
 is poison. 
 
 Tumors sometimes arise following a blow, as 
 in the case of cancer of the breast, and sarcoma 
 of bone. In such cases cells are injured, and the 
 surrounding tissues are irritated by the sub- 
 stances formed in the decomposed cells. We also 
 know that the constant irritation of a broken 
 tooth will induce cancer of the mouth or tongue, 
 as will the continual irritation of a pipe or cigar 
 on the lip. Fundamentally however, even in 
 these cases, there must be the condition of either 
 toxic blood, or poor circulation. 
 
 FIBROIDS. These are the most common tu- 
 mors affecting women, and, although occurring 
 in various parts of the body, the most common 
 site is the uterus. They are more often present in 
 early and middle adult life, and have no connec- 
 tion with childbearing ; in fact they are more 
 common in the unmarried and in married women 
 who have no children. Cancer is more common 
 in women who have had children. 
 
 The tumor may be very small and grow very 
 slowly, or remain small, in which case it presents 
 no symptoms and causes no trouble, and usually 
 needs no treatment. If not in the inner layers 
 of the uterine wall it is usually no bar to preg- 
 nancy and normal childbirth. In many cases, 
 however, it grows slowly and may become very 
 
 325
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 large, causing destruction of surrounding tissues 
 and pressure symptoms in other parts of the 
 body. It may also ulcerate and cause hemor- 
 rhage, and undergo malignant degeneration, so 
 you can readily see that the name benign tumor 
 does not mean much. About the first symptoms 
 of uterine fibroid are disturbances of menstrua- 
 tion, such as painful and profuse, or continued, 
 flow, and in some cases diminished flow. There 
 may be sterility and, if pregnancy does occur, oc- 
 casionally abortion. There may be a persistent 
 leucorrhea. As the tumor increases in size there 
 are symptoms referable to pressure, as pain, vari- 
 cose veins and edema of the lower extremities, 
 piles, constipation and urinary difficulty. Death 
 rarely results from the tumor itself, fatality being 
 due to complications and disturbance of func- 
 tions of other organs through pressure. 
 
 CANCER OF THE UTERUS. The uterus and the 
 surrounding tissues are the most common seat of 
 cancer in the human body. It may be either car- 
 cinoma or sarcoma, and starting at any one point 
 will spread rapidly, destroying all tissues in the 
 locality. It may begin in the cervix, the body 
 of the uterus, the vagina, the tubes, or the rectum 
 and bladder. 
 
 The first local sign is usually a small abrasion 
 or ulcer which bleeds when touched. Gradually 
 there is a thickening and ulceration of the tissues, 
 which may become infected and suppurate. Sec- 
 ondary growths may appear elsewhere. The 
 woman first notices a continual leucorrhea with 
 
 326
 
 TUMORS 
 
 an occasional tinge of blood. Cancer of the ute- 
 rus is more common in women past the child- 
 bearing period of life; therefore any show of 
 blood at this time is a cause of suspicion and 
 warrants a careful examination. Symptoms of 
 tumor in a woman past the change-of-life period 
 are more apt to indicate cancer than fibroid. 
 
 As the growth and destruction progresses there 
 will be occasional hemorrhages and a watery leu- 
 corrhea, brownish in color, and in carcinoma 
 possessing a characteristically foul odor. As the 
 disease progresses the general health suffers, the 
 patient gradually becoming emaciated, the skin 
 a yellowish-brown color, and the strength de- 
 pleted, all of these constituting the so-called can- 
 cer cachexia. The usual duration of the disease 
 is from one to three years, depending upon the 
 rate of growth. When the condition is localized 
 and there is no absorption of toxins into the gen- 
 eral system there may be no constitutional symp- 
 toms and the condition may not be discovered 
 until great destruction has taken place. The 
 worry incident to the condition often helps to 
 run down the health. When the body of the 
 uterus is first attacked pain is one of the earliest 
 symptoms. This may be of a burning charac- 
 ter, but at times is sharp and extends to the back 
 and down the thigh. 
 
 POLYPI. These consist of small tumor-like 
 growths attached to the mucous membrane of 
 the uterus. They are soft in consistency and 
 bright-red in color. They are very vascular and 
 
 327
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 bleed easily. The symptoms are hemorrhage and 
 a continued leucorrhea, together with inflamma- 
 tion of the uterus, menstrual pain, abortion or 
 sterility. 
 
 CYSTS. These are most often found in the 
 ovaries and tubes. Ninety-five per cent of the 
 tumors of the ovary are cystic. A cyst is a cir- 
 cumscribed area containing retained secretions 
 from a gland, or fluid from inflammation of sup- 
 puration. The most common cyst of the ovary 
 is called a proliferating cyst, from its habit of 
 forming multiple cysts within itself. This is the 
 one usually spoken of as ovarian tumor. When 
 small there are no symptoms, and they seldom 
 give rise to any serious trouble. They grow 
 slowly and may not be discovered until they 
 have attained a very large size. The first symp- 
 tom noticed is a sense of something heavy in the 
 lower abdomen and a feeling of pressure. A 
 little later a slight enlargement is noticed, which 
 may give rise to a belief that pregnancy has oc- 
 curred. There are menstrual disturbances, blad- 
 der irritability and constipation. The bowel 
 movements may be painful. The pressure of the 
 growing tumor may cause swelling of the lower 
 limbs and pain. Dyspepsia and other gastric 
 symptoms may be present, due to pressure on the 
 stomach and intestines. There may be progres- 
 sive weakness and emaciation. Rarely there may 
 be a local peritonitis, with fever and severe ab- 
 dominal and pelvic pain. Severe hemorrhage 
 from the uterus has occurred, and rupture of 
 
 328
 
 TUMORS 
 
 the cyst from a fall or blow, followed by a fatal 
 peritonitis, is possible. 
 
 BREAST TUMORS. The breast is really a very- 
 delicate organ, and especially subject to new 
 growths, particularly following injury, or gland- 
 ular disturbances. Fibroid tumors of the breast 
 are fairly common. These grow slowly, but may 
 become quite large and may finally ulcerate 
 through the skin and project from the breast in 
 fungoid-like masses, which may be mistaken for 
 cancer. This tumor destroys the glandular tis- 
 sue of the breast by pressure. 
 
 The most destructive tumor of the breast, how- 
 ever, is carcinoma, which occurs most commonly 
 in women between the ages of thirty-five and 
 fifty-five. It begins as a small hard lump which 
 gradually enlarges and spreads until the entire 
 breast and the adjacent tissues are involved. The 
 cancer may ulcerate through the skin or remain 
 deep-seated. In many cases the nipple is re- 
 tracted until entirely out of sight. Pain is a most 
 constant symptom, and signs of inflammation 
 may be present. The glands under the arm en- 
 large and may become tender. 
 
 All lumps in the breast are not cancer, but any 
 nodule should be carefully watched and if it en- 
 larges, cancer should be suspected. Retained se- 
 cretions in the glands or milk-ducts often pro- 
 duce hard lumps very similar to tumors. 
 
 Whenever the breast has been bruised in any 
 way it should be immediately treated by the ap- 
 plication of hot and cold packs to stimulate circu- 
 
 329
 
 lation and promote absorption of the transfused 
 blood. Nodules or lumps should never be manip- 
 ulated or massaged unless their true nature is 
 known, as malignant growths increase more rap- 
 idly when thus stimulated. 
 
 Treatment of Tumors. We might be criti- 
 cized for taking up the treatment of tumors un- 
 der a general heading, for many who have been 
 accustomed to think of cancer and tumor as sep- 
 arate entities, and due to different causes, will 
 imagine that a separate form of treatment is nec- 
 essary for each type of tumor. As we have 
 shown, all tumors are due to the same cause, and 
 only differ according to the tissue in which found, 
 and the intensity of the causative agent. Tumor, 
 including cancer, is not a local condition, but is 
 the local expression of a constitutional disease. 
 
 Early and complete removal by surgical opera- 
 tion is the classical treatment for all forms of 
 tumor. Where the growth is still localized this 
 may be efficient treatment, if accompanied by 
 constitutional treatment which is designed to 
 purify the blood and remove the cause, but with- 
 out the constitutional treatment, the tumor may 
 return and more rapid decline follow. 
 
 The use of caustics, X-Ray, Finsen lights, ra- 
 dium and other forms of treatment have all been 
 tried with great hopes that at last a cure had 
 been found, but all have been failures. Indeed 
 in many cases the means used for a cure have 
 hastened the growth of the tumor. 
 
 The best of the local applications, which is 
 
 330
 
 TUMORS 
 
 still in its infancy, but which promises most as 
 far as local treatment is concerned, is the appli- 
 cation, by suitable apparatus, of intense heat, 
 which literally cooks and chars the tumor without 
 injuring the normal tissues. 
 
 But what is the real cure for tumors and can- 
 cer? If local treatments have failed, why not 
 try what constitutional methods will do, and get 
 at the seat of the trouble, by removing the cause. 
 
 First of all we should live in such a way that 
 tumors are impossible. All women should get 
 out of doors into the fresh air and sunlight more, 
 and take active exercise. 
 
 Next, the intestinal tract must be made as 
 clean as possible, preferably by a diet of un- 
 cooked food, or one in which fruits, green salads 
 and other raw foods predominate. 
 
 Hot applications may be used for the relief 
 of pain, and in cases of pelvic tumors with pain, 
 the hot sitz bath is effective.
 
 Womanly Periodicity 
 
 IX order to take proper care of herself it is 
 necessary for every woman to have a more or 
 less complete understanding of the special func- 
 tions of her reproductive system. This is of es- 
 pecial importance for the young wife, and we 
 will, therefore, turn to a consideration of the 
 part played by the reproductive organs in the 
 life of the woman. 
 
 By many people, sex is looked upon very large- 
 ly as though it were not only centered in, but en- 
 tirely encompassed by, the creative organs. In 
 reality, sex permeates every atom of the body. 
 Every molecule of the woman's organism ex- 
 presses the characteristic of femininity which is, 
 in its essence, passive, negative, constructive. 
 The masculine' element, on the other hand, is 
 positive, active and destructive. This difference 
 between the two principles is manifest even in the 
 very lowest forms of life. A one-celled organism 
 which is feminine in its characteristics tends to 
 remain in one spot and to accumulate more cell 
 material than is needed for its immediate exist- 
 ence. As a consequence, this cell is sluggish in 
 its movement and increases in size. A corre- 
 sponding masculine cell is much smaller because, 
 by its ceaseless activity, it consumes the greater 
 
 332
 
 part of the cell material which it is able to build 
 from its food supply. 
 
 The problem of life is living, and this problem 
 is the same for every organism, whether unicel- 
 lular, or multicellular. The continuance of life 
 means, not alone maintaining the life of the in- 
 dividual, but also continuing the life of the spe- 
 cies. 
 
 We see this problem in its simplest terms when 
 we consider the life of some protozoon, for ex- 
 ample. Here we find a one-celled creature which 
 has no organs set apart to perform different func- 
 tions, but simply exists by means of the absorp- 
 tion of food through the cell wall. Its life de- 
 pends upon the maintenance of a certain ratio 
 between the amount of surface as compared with 
 the bulk of the organism. When the bulk has 
 increased to such a degree that it can no longer 
 secure a sufficient amount of food through the 
 surface, the life of the individual is doomed un- 
 less some means can be fpund for increasing the 
 amount of surface. There is but one way for 
 this to take place, and this is by the division of 
 the single cell into two smaller ones. It is in this 
 way, therefore, that the stream of life is con- 
 tinued, and this is, fundamentally, the reason for 
 the process of reproduction. 
 
 In the higher forms of life, instead of one single 
 cell we find many cells grouped together to make 
 up the organism, and the work which is necessary 
 to sustain the life of this creature is divided up 
 between different groups of cells, which are called 
 
 333
 
 WOMANHOOD AXD MARRIAGE 
 
 organs. Some of these organs are necessary for 
 carrying on the life of the individual and some 
 are essential only to the continuance of the life 
 of the species. In some of the earlier forms, all 
 of the necessary elements for the reproduction 
 of life are found within the one organism. In 
 later forms, however, two different organisms are 
 essential to the reproductive process; one pro- 
 ducing the feminine element, the other, the mas- 
 culine element. These two must unite in order 
 that a new life may come into existence. 
 
 This differentiation between two individuals 
 is an expression of the law of sex, and very evi- 
 dently has for its purpose the production of 
 greater possibilities of variation and ultimate im- 
 provement in the species. 
 
 It gives us a truer conception of the rightful 
 place of sex in life when we realize that the mani- 
 fold varieties of different species owe their origin 
 to this great principle of sex. For example, 
 there was in the first place but one kind of a rose, 
 the wild sweetbrier, and from this, we are told, by 
 the process of selection made possible through 
 the law of sex, have been developed the many 
 hundreds of varieties with which we are famil- 
 iar today. So we may enumerate the various 
 forms not only of plant life, but also of life in 
 the animal kingdom. We cannot begin to meas- 
 ure the blessings that have come to mankind 
 through this most essential and invaluable law 
 of sex. 
 
 It may be of value to us, in arriving at an un- 
 
 334
 
 derstanding of the functions of woman's crea- 
 tive organs, to contemplate, for a few moments, 
 the process which takes place in the early devel- 
 opment of the embryonic life. As soon as the 
 sperm cell, or the masculine element, has united 
 with the egg cell, or the feminine element, there 
 begins in the resultant single-celled organism a 
 marvellous division and sub-division which, in a 
 remarkably short space of time, results in a form 
 which is composed of a great number of tiny 
 cells, held together in a spherical mass and having 
 the appearance of a mulberry. 
 
 If you were to be told that a human body was 
 to develop from this mass of cells, and were asked 
 to apportion the amount which you thought 
 would be needed, in the first place, for the crea- 
 tive organs alone, and, in the second place, for 
 the entire remaining portion of the body, you 
 would, without doubt, divide the cellular mass 
 into a larger and smaller portion to correspond 
 with the size of the body and the creative or- 
 gans. It may, therefore, be of interest to you 
 to know that, when this part of the developing 
 process is reached, one single cell is set aside 
 for the purpose of being developed into the whole 
 complicated organism of the body, which grows 
 about and surrounds the remaining mass, des- 
 tined to form the creative organs. It becomes 
 evident that the body, therefore, exists for the 
 purpose of protecting this living germ plasm, 
 which is thus preserved until the time has come 
 for it to take up its special work. This special 
 
 335
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 work, in reality, is but the resumption of the 
 process of division, or of budding, which re- 
 sulted after the initial union of the masculine 
 and feminine elements. 
 
 When the infant is born, this original germ 
 plasm, with its accompanying organs, is enclosed 
 within the body of the individual. The creative 
 portion of the organism, however, is, as it were, 
 asleep, and remains dormant for the first ten 
 years of the life of the individual. Then, at last, 
 it begins to show some activity. 
 
 The first work of the creative organs has to do 
 with the making over of the body of the individ- 
 ual to prepare it for its later share in the work 
 of reproducing the life of the race. This first 
 work consists of the secretion of a fluid, called 
 an internal secretion because it is entirely re- 
 tained within the organism. This marvellous 
 fluid is taken up by the blood and carried to every 
 portion of the body, which at once begins to 
 undergo changes. 
 
 This process is begun at the very center of the 
 being and does not, therefore, make itself evident 
 for several years. There comes a time, however, 
 when we see the body beginning to grow very 
 rapidly and the child becomes, as we say, all arms 
 and legs. In other words, the bony framework 
 has felt the effect of this wonderful fluid and has 
 begun to elongate itself. Sometimes the bones 
 grow more rapidly than do the muscles, result- 
 ing in a stretching of the latter that causes what 
 are known as growing pains. Every organ of the 
 
 336
 
 WOMANLY PERIODICITY 
 
 body feels the revolutionary effect of this inter- 
 nal secretion, and more evidences of its work 
 become apparent. We find the little girl ad- 
 vancing into womanhood, taking on the curves 
 which are natural to the woman's figure, and all 
 of the other graces which belong to femininity. 
 
 In the meantime, the secretion has also been 
 busy building up the creative organs themselves, 
 until, when the little girl has reached twelve, or 
 thirteen, or fourteen years of age, these organs 
 themselves begin to function. 
 
 As has been said, the functioning of the cre- 
 ative organs is, in reality, but a continuance of 
 the dividing process which first took place in the 
 germ plasm; only now, instead of the cells re- 
 maining together, once every twenty-eight days 
 approximately, one little cell is budded off from 
 the germ plasm and starts on its own individual 
 journey through the bodily organs. 
 
 In the lowest cavity of the body, called the pel- 
 vic cavity, are suspended the creative organs, 
 these consist, in the first place, of a small, pear- 
 shaped organ about three inches long, two inches 
 wide, and flattened a little from front to back 
 so that it is only a little more than one inch 
 through at the thickest portion. This is the ute- 
 rus, or womb, to give it its English name. This 
 organ is suspended with the large end uppermost 
 and the small end entering the canal called the 
 vagina, which leads to the exterior of the body. 
 On either side of the uterus lie two small bodies 
 about the size and shape of an almond. These 
 
 337
 
 WOMANHOOD AXD MARRIAGE 
 
 are the ovaries, and it may be of interest to know 
 that they contain approximately thirty-two thou- 
 sand ova, or egg cells. 
 
 The uterus is suspended by means of two broad 
 ligaments which are attached to its sides and 
 pass from it to be fastened to the inner sides 
 of the hip bones. The ovaries lie enclosed in a 
 fold of these broad ligaments. The uterus is 
 attached also by two round ligaments ; one com- 
 ing from the front of the Organ and being at- 
 tached to the pelvic bone, the other coming from 
 the back and being attached to the end of the 
 spinal column. Thus the uterus hangs suspended 
 by two broad bands and two cords. From the 
 upper and larger end of the organ extend on 
 either side, the Fallopian tubes, which end in 
 what are known as the fimbriated extremities, or, 
 in plain English, a fringe, which is like tiny fin- 
 gers. 
 
 As has been said, approximately every twenty- 
 eight days an ovum which has already risen to 
 the surface of the ovary, ripens, bursts open its 
 particular covering, and comes out into the pel- 
 vic cavity where it may be caught by the moving 
 fringe of the Fallopian tube and so be passed 
 into this passageway, through which it progresses 
 slowly toward the uterus. It continues its proc- 
 ess of development while advancing through the 
 tube and if, on its way, it encounters one of the 
 living sperm cells, which is the masculine con- 
 tribution to a new life, the two unite and fertili- 
 zation takes place. The impregnated ovum there- 
 
 338
 
 WOMANLY PERIODICITY 
 
 upon finds for itself a resting place in the soft 
 folds of the lining membrane of the uterus, where 
 it begins at once the marvellous process of di- 
 vision and sub-division which has already been 
 briefly described. Nourishment is needed, how- 
 ever, for the continuance of this new life, and 
 that is furnished by the mother's body. An ex- 
 tra supply of her blood is at once sent to the 
 uterus and goes to the upbuilding of the new 
 organism. 
 
 If the ovum is not impregnated, however, it is 
 of no further use and passes on out of the body. 
 In order that no new life shall start, however, 
 without its needed nourishment, every time this 
 process of ovulation is gone through with, an 
 extra supply of blood is sent to the uterus and 
 then, as it is not needed, it also passes on out 
 of the body. This process is called menstrua- 
 tion. 
 
 It will be seen from this description that men- 
 struation is not an illness. It is a perfectly nat- 
 ural bodily process, and, without any doubt, was 
 not intended to be a source of suffering to 
 women, nor to interfere in any marked way with 
 their ordinary activities. That in many cases it 
 has become a cause of pain and a distinct handi- 
 cap to woman in her activities is due to the un- 
 natural conditions under which the human race 
 has lived ever since the begining of civilization. 
 Without any doubt, primitive woman did not 
 suffer so great a loss of blood each month as does 
 the woman of today and endured no pains there- 
 
 339 
 
 23
 
 with, just as childbirth was, to her, a mere tran- 
 sient experience which caused her but little in- 
 convenience. 
 
 One of the most widespread misconceptions 
 of this function is that the blood that comes 
 away from the body at this time is, as it is com- 
 monly phrased, bad blood, and that the loss of it, 
 therefore, is of benefit to the body. This is a 
 mistaken notion. The blood which is sent to the 
 uterus at this time is of as pure a quality as any 
 in the body, and its excessive loss beyond a 
 certain natural limit must always be a detri- 
 ment to the organism. 
 
 It must be understood, in the first place, that 
 the uterus is lined with a membrane which cor- 
 responds to the lining membrane of the lips or 
 the eyelids. A moment's scrutiny will show that 
 this thin, transparent membrane is filled full of 
 a fine network of tiny arteries through which 
 the blood flows, giving to it a rich, red color. So 
 also is the lining membrane of the uterus filled 
 full of tiny arteries. At the menstrual period 
 these arteries are filled so full of fluid that their 
 walls are stretched thin, as is a piece of rubber 
 when stretched taut. Through these thin walls 
 the blood slowly exudes, gathering on the inner 
 surface of the uterus until it has gained enough 
 volume to move slowly on its way out of the 
 body. Now, it will readily be understood that 
 when the lining membrane is thus engorged with 
 blood, the organ is very much heavier than at 
 any other time during the month. At the same 
 
 340
 
 WOMANLY PERIODICITY 
 
 time, the muscles are more or less relaxed in 
 tone, so that the whole group of pelvic organs 
 tends to sag downward. To relieve this sagging, 
 girls are taught to spend as much time as possible 
 in a reclining posture for the first day or two, 
 when the organ is most heavily weighted with 
 extra fluid. This care will often prevent a per- 
 manent sagging of the organs which might ul- 
 timately result in increasing the suffering at this 
 period. 
 
 It also becomes apparent why it is so necessary 
 to avoid getting the feet wet at this time, or run- 
 ning any risk of taking cold. Sitting upon the 
 damp ground, or upon a cold stone, is particularly 
 dangerous, because it may cause a checking of 
 the flow, resulting in a congestion which may be- 
 come more or less serious. 
 
 There have been cases in which young girls 
 have rendered themselves invalids for life be- 
 cause, through ignorance, they attempted by cold 
 bathing to stop what seemed to them a manifesta- 
 tion of some serious hemorrhage. Fortunately, 
 mothers of today are generally aware of the im- 
 portance of giving their daughters proper in- 
 struction before this function has begun, so that 
 such mistakes are much less frequent than they 
 may have been in years gone by. 
 
 Girls often resent the necessity for taking spe- 
 cial care of themselves at this time, and some- 
 times even seem to think it an indication of a 
 praiseworthy strength of mind and will to re- 
 fuse to exercise a little common-sense caution. 
 
 341
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 There are, of course, many young women, and 
 it may be that the number is increasing, who 
 do not find it necessary to pay any especial at- 
 tention to themselves at this time of the month. 
 They are able to go on about their ordinary oc- 
 cupations without suffering any pain, or any 
 other marked inconvenience. There are others, 
 however, who, if they persist in their customary 
 activities for the first day or two, either suffer 
 a great deal of pain, or else find themselves flow- 
 ing for an undue length of time. It is generally 
 considered that normally the flow should be 
 ended by about the fourth or fifth day. If the 
 period is extended over a week it should be 
 looked upon as abnormal and an effort made to 
 discover and remove the cause. It will be found, 
 in a good many of these cases that remain- 
 ing in bed for the first day or two will bring the 
 function to a close within the proper period of 
 time. The young woman who refuses, through a 
 false pride, or for any other reason, to exercise 
 this care over herself, and who finds herself as a 
 consequence flowing for two, or three, or even 
 four weeks at a time, should understand that she 
 is deliberately weakening her system. She can- 
 not afford to lose this amount of blood and will 
 eventually finds herself growing weaker, prone 
 to backaches and headaches and very readily fall- 
 ing a victim to various infections. Instead of 
 foolishly refusing to pay any attention to what 
 she considers to be a negligible weakness, she 
 should begin at once not only to keep herself 
 
 342
 
 WOMANLY PERIODICITY 
 
 strictly in bed for the first two or three days of 
 the period, but also to put herself upon a severe 
 regime during the intervening time. She should 
 exercise regularly, have plenty of out-door air 
 and, possibly, a cold spray in the morning. 
 
 It is especially important that young girls 
 should exercise this special care over themselves 
 during the first year or two of menstruation. 
 When the function is once thoroughly estab- 
 lished, it may not be necessary to be so careful. 
 
 The question of bathing at the menstrual pe- 
 riod is one upon which a diversity of opinion 
 may be heard. Formerly it was the custom to 
 warn women against any bathing at this time. 
 More recently, however, physicians have begun 
 to agree that it may be possible for baths to be 
 taken at this time without any unfortunate re- 
 sults. The matter is one, probably, which will 
 have to be decided more or less in accordance 
 with the requirements of the individual. For ex- 
 ample, the young woman who is in the habit of 
 taking a cold plunge every day will, in all prob- 
 ability, be able, at this time, to take a cold spray 
 without feeling any deleterious effects. On the 
 other hand, a young woman of a less vigorous 
 vitality who, under ordinary circumstances, has 
 difficulty in reacting from a cold spray, could 
 not possibly continue during the menstrual 
 period. 
 
 Extremely hot baths also are not desirable, as 
 they induce a larger flow and are more or less 
 weakening. What is called a neutral bath, that 
 
 343
 
 is, at about the temperature of the body, is the 
 kind best suited to the majority of women dur- 
 ing these periods and may, therefore, be recom- 
 mended. 
 
 The hot sitz bath is often found to relieve pain, 
 especially in cases of delayed and scanty men- 
 struation. In other cases of painful menstrua- 
 tion resulting from an undue congestion in the 
 parts involved, a hot foot bath, which restores 
 the general circulation of the blood, will be found 
 efficacious. 
 
 The most potent cause of painful menstruation 
 is the. misplacement of the uterus for one reason 
 or another. It may be tipped forward or back, 
 on one side or the other. When only tipped to 
 a slight degree it may cause but little discomfort, 
 but when sharply turned upon itself it may cause 
 great suffering. It is important, therefore, to 
 consider possible causes for the misplacement 
 of this organ. 
 
 In the first place it will readily be seen that 
 a wrong standing or sitting posture will be pro- 
 ductive of harmful results. The girl who con- 
 stantly sits upon her spine is tipping the uterus 
 backard into an unnatural position. The same 
 may be said of the one who stands incorrectly. 
 
 One other very common cause of displacement 
 of this organ is constipation. It must be remem- 
 bered that directly over the uterus is the alimen- 
 tary tract. There are approximately thirty feet 
 of small and large intestines which hang sus- 
 pended in the abdominal cavity. If tljese are al- 
 
 344
 
 WOMANLY PERIODICITY 
 
 lowed to become packed full of effete matter, 
 they become very heavy and pull down upon 
 their supporting membranes until they may rest 
 upon the organs beneath in such a way as to push 
 them out of place. For this reason it is most 
 important for young women to learn how to 
 avoid getting the habit of constipation, for con- 
 stipation, it must be understood, is not an ill- 
 ness. It is simply an unfortunate habit. 
 
 While the statement is made that the process 
 of ovulation and menstruation takes place every 
 twenty-eight days, the period is not the same for 
 all individuals, although it should normally be 
 the same for each individual. For example, one 
 young woman, will menstruate every twenty- 
 eight days, another one every thirty days, and 
 another one every twenty-seven days. Whatever 
 the period, it should be regular with the individ- 
 ual. If the menstrual period recurs more fre- 
 quently than every three weeks it would seem to 
 be an indication of an abnormal condition which 
 should be overcome and probably can be mas- 
 tered by careful, healthful living. 
 
 Frequently the statement is made that be- 
 cause a young woman did not establish the func- 
 tion of menstruation she went into a decline; it 
 may be, had consumption and passed away in 
 her early youth. The truth of the matter is she 
 did not menstruate because she was already in a 
 decline, and did not possess the vitality required 
 for the establishment of this additional function. 
 
 It will be found also that a woman who allows 
 
 345
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 herself to become thoroughly run down may stop 
 menstruating and think that something serious 
 has happened to her. Restoration of her general 
 health will re-establish the monthly period. 
 
 Connecting the womb with the exterior of the 
 body is a muscular tube called the vagina. The 
 external opening of this tube may, in childhood, 
 be guarded by a thin fold or veil of mucous mem- 
 brane. This stretches across the opening of the 
 vagina like the head of a drum and is called the 
 hymen. It has been supposed by many to be a 
 complete veil across the entrance and its pres- 
 ence, therefore, to be an indication of virginity. 
 If a man marries with the old idea that the hymen 
 is always present in virgins he may do his wife 
 a great injustice by assuming that she has strayed 
 from the path of virtue because he fails to find 
 this physical sign present in her. It is, therefore, 
 rather important for young men as well as young 
 women to be made acquainted with the real facts 
 in the case. 
 
 It is true that sometimes the hymen completely 
 obstructs the vaginal opening. Occasionally, 
 however, the membrane is perforated in several 
 places. More frequently, there is one opening 
 with ragged edges. Normally, however, it is per- 
 forated at or near the middle by a round or oval 
 opening which may be easily enlarged by stretch- 
 ing. Sometimes the hymen is but little more 
 than a circular ridge or flange projecting toward 
 the centre of the vaginal tube, or it may be en- 
 
 346
 
 WOMANLY PERIODICITY 
 
 tirely wanting along a part of the circumference. 
 Frequently, it is entirely absent. 
 
 It would seem that the customary care of the 
 body exercised by many women also tends to 
 either prevent the development of a distinct hy- 
 men or, what is more likely, to destroy it after 
 it has been imperfectly formed. Without doubt, 
 the local douches which are so frequently pre- 
 scribed and other forms of local treatment may 
 have the same effect. 
 
 These being the facts, it becomes evident that 
 the presence or absence of the hymen has prac- 
 tically nothing to do with the question of a young 
 woman's chastity. If this fact were thoroughly 
 understood, it doubtless might have the effect of 
 removing a good deal of the nervousness which 
 brides feel upon the advent of the wedding night. 
 
 There is also another reason for definite in- 
 struction upon this point. If the hymen is a com- 
 plete membrane and difficult to penetrate, the 
 husband may have to exercise great considera- 
 tion to avoid causing intense pain to his wife in 
 the first approaches toward the consummation of 
 marriage. Under such conditions the utmost 
 gentleness on the part of the husband is called 
 for, and in all probability, the wisest thing will be 
 to have the wife examined by a competent physi- 
 cian and the necessary measures taken for reliev- 
 ing the situation. A little local treatment, such 
 as stretching of the hymen, may be all that is 
 necessary. Upon occasion, a slight operation 
 may be needed. 
 
 347
 
 CHAPTER XLIX 
 
 Determining Sex 
 
 A great deal of attention, both scientific and 
 other, has been given to the subject of the 
 pre-determination of sex. The majority of peo- 
 ple feel that they would like to have the power to 
 say to which sex their child should belong. In 
 the case of ruling families and those with great 
 wealth to dispose of, it has generally been consid- 
 ered desirable to have the first child a boy and, 
 if any one had been able to discover an absolutely 
 certain method for determining beforehand the 
 sex of the child that was to be born, that individ- 
 ual would probably have coined a fortune that 
 would be the envy of even a Rockefeller. A good 
 many persons have thought that they had a sure 
 way of fixing the sex of the child before it is born ; 
 but although these methods seem sometimes to 
 have produced the desired result further exper- 
 imentation has as a rule proved them to be unre- 
 liable. 
 
 The law of chance must be taken into account 
 whenever one attempts to prove the trustworth- 
 iness of any theory. It may be quite true that a 
 certain couple followed a prescribed regime for 
 producing a child of the male sex and the infant 
 born to them may have been a boy. Nevertheless, 
 this does not prove that the method pursued was 
 a cause of the result. The child might have been 
 
 348
 
 DETERMINING SEX 
 
 a boy in any case. If the same method, used upon 
 another occasion or by other individuals, should 
 fail once to produce the desired result, the method 
 would thereby be proven to be not absolutely in- 
 fallible. 
 
 In the first place, it is interesting to consider 
 the relative number of the sexes, not only in the 
 early years of life but also in the later age periods. 
 The study made of this subject seems to assure 
 us that a few more males are born into the world 
 than females. The average in civilized countries 
 during a long series of years is about 105 boys to 
 100 girls. The fundamental difference between 
 the sexes is clearly shown even at this early pe- 
 riod of life in the relative vitality of the two sexes. 
 As the female is the constructive half, tending 
 always to remain more or less passive and, there- 
 fore, able to store up material for future use, so 
 we are not surprised- to learn that female infants 
 are more tenacious of life than are male children. 
 They more easily resist the diseases incident to 
 infancy and childhood, so that at the age of pu- 
 berty it is found that there are a few more girls 
 than boys. This difference increases until the 
 years of maturity, when we find that there are 
 about 105 adult females to about 100 adult 
 males. 
 
 This difference between the vital resistance of 
 the boys and girls in early childhood is known 
 practically to all who have the care of infants. 
 Every mother of a family realizes the greater 
 difficulty which she experiences in bringing her 
 
 349
 
 boys to maturity than in rearing her girls. Of 
 course, it is easy to be seen that this added vital- 
 ity is needed by woman in order to enable her to 
 pass through the increased demand made upon 
 her system by the process of gestation and birth. 
 In spite of the dangers incident to maternity, 
 the number of women markedly increases in pro- 
 portion to the number of men throughout the 
 years of life, these dangers being offset among 
 the male population by the effects of war, lust, 
 narcotism, machinery, exposure to inclement 
 weather and similar exigencies. In an ideal state 
 of society the number of men and women would 
 be aproximately equal, thus insuring the possi- 
 bility of a mate for every human creature. 
 
 There have been many superstitious beliefs in 
 regard to sex determination. Some have thought 
 that the organs on one side of the body produced 
 female germs, the organs en the other side of 
 the body produced male germs. Some have 
 thought that it depended upon the comparative 
 vitality of the germ cells, those of more vitality 
 resulting in males and of less vitality in females. 
 This doctrine, however, is contrary to the proven 
 facts of sex differences. Some have thought it 
 depended upon whether the husband was older 
 than the wife, or whether one parent was more 
 vigorous then the other. Some have thought that 
 it depended upon the age of the mother. 
 
 One of the theories which has seemed to have 
 more possibility of truth in it than these super- 
 stitious beliefs has pointed to the differences of 
 
 3SO
 
 DETERMINING SEX 
 
 sex as being determined by the abundance of 
 the food supply. For example, it is known that 
 more males in proportion to the number of fe- 
 males are born immediately following a war than 
 at other periods. Some have claimed that this 
 was because of the lessening of the food supply, 
 due to conditions resulting from the lessening 
 of the productivity of a nation as a result of the 
 great number of workers that have necessarily 
 been called into the war service. Those who 
 believe in this theory also point to the well-known 
 method by which bees develop workers (females) 
 by giving them a larger food supply than is given 
 to the drones (males) . The theory, however, has 
 never been satisfactorily proven. 
 
 A much more probable theory seems to be 
 that known as Thury's law, because it was first 
 announced by a veterinary surgeon of that name 
 at the Academy of Geneva. He studied the sub- 
 ject of sex determination while engaged in rais- 
 ing horses, cattle and other domestic animals. 
 His conclusion was that sex is determined prac- 
 tically at the time at which the ovum is impreg- 
 nated. He seemed to establish the fact that if 
 fertilization occurred early in the fertile period 
 the resultant offspring would be female. An- 
 other investigator put forth his theory as fol- 
 lows : "Sex depends upon the degree of ripeness 
 of the female ovum at the time of its fecundation. 
 If an ovum has reached the highest degree of 
 ripeness when impregnated, a male is sure to 
 result." It is apparent that this last conclusion 
 
 351
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 is based upon the belief that the male, both struc- 
 turally and functionally, is more perfect than 
 the female and must develop, therefore, from the 
 more mature and complete ovum. According to 
 this, if impregnation occurred immediately after 
 the close of a menstrual flow when, as a rule, 
 the ovum is not fully matured the result will be 
 a girl ; but if, through a high nutritive condition 
 of the mother, the ovum be fully ripe at the time 
 of fertilization, the result will be a boy. 
 
 It is particularly interesting, in view of the 
 above, to turn to a recent study conducted by 
 a German scientist which appeared in a medical 
 journal in September, 1916. This scientist has 
 been charting data obtained by comparing the 
 date of a soldier's brief furlough with the preg- 
 nancy of his wife. These charts demonstrate 
 that conception was most likely to occur when 
 the soldier reached home during the first, days 
 after cessation of the menses. The probability of 
 conception then grew progressively less until al- 
 most constant sterility was the rule for the 
 woman during the days preceding the next men- 
 struation. For the purpose of seeking to dis- 
 cover the laws predetermining the sex of a child, 
 he divided the inter-menstrual period into three 
 phases: one, from the first day of menstruation 
 to the ninth day ; two, from the tenth day to the 
 fourteenth day; and, three, from the fifteenth to 
 the twenty-second day. (The remaining six days 
 are not considered as the woman may be regarded 
 as sterile during this phase). He obtained data 
 
 352
 
 DETERMINING SEX 
 
 along these lines in eighty cases ; the pregnancies 
 dating from the first period gave thirty-seven 
 boys and seven girls ; the second period, four boys 
 and eight girls ; and the third period, three boys 
 and twenty girls. This would tend to prove that 
 the male resulted from the unripe ovum which 
 would accord with our present understanding 
 of the law of sex itself. 
 
 My own opinion in reference thereto has been 
 guided to a certain extent by the laws of utility, 
 and in explaining this theory to audiences I have 
 had various men vouch for its accuracy as a re- 
 sult of their own experience. 
 
 According to this theory sex is determined to 
 a large extent by the force of attraction. 
 
 If the husband's affection for the wife is 
 stronger than the wife's for the husband, then 
 the child will be a girl. If conditions are re- 
 versed, the wife feeling the attraction most 
 strongly, the child will be a boy. 
 
 Under this theory you can, to a certain extent, 
 account for the large number of boy babies born 
 during or following war. The husband's attrac- 
 tion for the wife under such circumstances is 
 greatly enhanced, not only because of the heroic 
 character of his soldier life, but to a certain ex- 
 tent because "absence makes the heart grow 
 fonder." 
 
 353
 
 CHAPTER L 
 
 THE MENOPAUSE, OR THE CHANGE 
 OF LIFE. 
 
 THE establishment of menstruation at the be- 
 ginning of the adolescent period is something 
 of a physical crisis for the young girl ; so, also, is 
 the cessation of this function for the adult 
 woman. The sex organs continue their activity 
 from about thirteen or fourteen years of age to 
 somewhere between forty-five and fifty years of 
 age. This is called the childbearing period, be- 
 cause it is during this time that the woman is 
 capable of fulfilling her function as a mother. 
 The exact time for the end of this period cannot 
 be definitely placed, because it varies with dif- 
 ferent individuals. The change of life, as it is 
 called, may come, in some instances, as early as 
 forty years of age; in others it may be delayed 
 until after fifty, but the average seems to be 
 somewhere between these two limits. 
 
 In all probability, just as the menstrual func- 
 tion itself was not intended to be a cause of phys- 
 ical weakness to woman, so was its cessation not 
 intended to be productive of physical ailments. 
 If women were able to live an absolutely normal, 
 healthy existence, it is most likely that they 
 would experience but little inconvenience in the 
 readjustment of the body which takes place at 
 this time. 
 
 354
 
 THE CHANGE OF LIFE 
 
 There is great variation in the amount of in- 
 convenience suffered by different individuals. 
 The causes of these differences are not always 
 apparent. It would seem, however, that if the 
 physical condition has been kept at the highest 
 point, the transition should be made easily and 
 without any marked physical disturbance. There 
 are, however, physical and nervous adjustments 
 to be made which should be expected and prop- 
 erly provided for. 
 
 The process that now begins is the reverse of 
 that which took place at the beginning of the 
 adolescent period. As at that time, the ovaries 
 were quickened into activity, so now they begin 
 to lessen their functioning and slowly to atrophy. 
 As the production of ova gradually ceases, so 
 also does the functioning of menstruation cease. 
 Normally, the first indication of the approaching 
 change should, in all probability, be a gradual 
 lengthening of the time between menstrual 
 periods. This is not always the case, however. 
 Various forms of irregularity may make them- 
 selves manifest. For example, at one time the 
 flow may be very profuse; the next month, the 
 menstruation may be suppressed. The following 
 month it may be very scanty, and then, again, 
 very profuse. The periods may lose their regu- 
 larity, so that it becomes very difficult for the 
 individual to know when to provide against the 
 contingency. During the profuse period, it is 
 very important for the woman to remain in bed 
 in order that a serious flooding may not result. 
 
 24 355
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 Where this natural precaution is neglected, the 
 period of change may be unnecessarily pro- 
 longed, and its nervous symptoms may reappear 
 after the lapse of some years. 
 
 As the ovaries gradually atrophy, so also do the 
 uterus and the breasts, all organs of the repro- 
 ductive system. 
 
 The process of change is, as a rule, a gradual 
 one, taking sometimes as much as three years 
 for its completion. As the vital powers are now 
 relieved of the extra burden of providing for this 
 reproduction process, there naturally comes 
 about, in many instances, a tendency for fat to be 
 distributed somewhat generally throughout the 
 body, except about the breasts which usually de- 
 crease somewhat in size and become flattened in 
 form. The fact that there is a real increase in 
 vitality at this time is shown by mortality tables, 
 which indicate that the death rate among women 
 between the ages of forty and fifty is lower than 
 at any other period after puberty. It is lower 
 than the death rate of men between those same 
 ages. This should go far to relieving women of 
 the serious apprehensions which many of them 
 are inclined to feel at this period. If they will 
 exercise an ordinary amount of common sense 
 in the care of themselves, there is nothing in this 
 experience which they seriously need to dread. 
 
 This does not mean that care is not needed to 
 enable them to pass successfully through this 
 necessary adjustment. There usually is a variety 
 of nervous symptoms which accompany this 
 
 356
 
 THE CHANGE OF LIFE 
 
 change, such as headache, irritability, flushing of 
 face and body, capricious appetite and other dis- 
 turbances of the digestive apparatus. Conges- 
 tions and aberrations of the blood and nerves 
 cause the various disagreeable symptoms from 
 which women suffer at this time. Not only is 
 there a tendency to flooding, which itself is a 
 usual phenomenon of the circulatory system, but 
 there are apt to be hemorrhages from other parts. 
 Nosebleeding is a common form of hemorrhage, 
 and may be a welcome relief unless unduly se- 
 vere. 
 
 Another distressing irregularity which may 
 take place at this time is palpitation following 
 some exertion or emotion ; or, it may be, for no 
 apparent reason the heart begins to throb, caus- 
 ing the greatest discomfort. There is a rush of 
 blood to the head, which is hot, with severe head- 
 ache ; the cheeks burn ; there is a feeling of faint- 
 ness or a choking sensation, a buzzing sound in 
 the ears and a dancing blackness before the eyes. 
 Such an experience may leave a woman with the 
 dread that she is going to be visited by a stroke, 
 or she may think that she is about to become a 
 victim of heart disease. She should put aside all 
 such morbid fears, however, as the change of 
 life never causes heart disease, although it may 
 produce a sudden attack of palpitation which 
 only indicates a disturbance of the normal course 
 of her life. 
 
 When the adjustment of her system is finally 
 made, she will have no further trouble of this 
 
 357
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 kind. She should, however, give strict attention 
 to rules of simple, hygienic living and should 
 carefully avoid all stimulants. 
 
 The more serious abnormal conditions which 
 may develop are, in the first place, excessive hem- 
 orrhages. These should not be allowed to go on 
 under the fallacious notion that they are the 
 natural accompaniment of the menopause. If 
 they continue for an undue length of time, a 
 physician should be called in that they may be 
 carefully checked. There is the possibility of the 
 development of tumors. If special pain is felt, 
 or nodules appear in the breast, or if pains in 
 the pelvis endure or are persistent, it is wise to 
 consult a physician at once. The probability is 
 that the cause will not require much treatment, 
 but the possibility that it may be serious and 
 need attention makes it imperative to call for 
 expert assistance without delay. Should a malig- 
 nant growth be in the process of development its 
 early discovery will insure the adoption of treat- 
 ment for its removal before any serious conse- 
 quences can follow, whereas delay may be most 
 dangerous. 
 
 The nervous system at this time becomes as 
 unreliable as does the circulatory system. 
 Changes in the sensibility of the skin become fre- 
 quent. Tender spots appear and vanish. Back- 
 ache, neuralgia, pain over the heart and over the 
 stomach are apt to be present, and show the gen- 
 eral instability of the nerves. Irritability of 
 temper is unfortunately common. Women also 
 
 358
 
 THE CHANGE OF LIFE 
 
 are apt to lose their power of judgment and their 
 power to think clearly; they become restless, hesi- 
 tating, indecisive, moody and depressed. They 
 sleep badly, are troubled with distressing dreams 
 and may evidence fear that they are going insane. 
 
 All of this calls for a sympathetic understand- 
 ing on the part of those around them, who should 
 help them to have patience with their own dis- 
 tressing symptoms and to await with confidence 
 the day when adjustment will have been com- 
 pleted and they will once more find themselves 
 competent to fill a useful place in life. 
 
 The use of hot water in various forms at this 
 time will be found most efficacious. Wherever 
 there may be pain in the back, the bowels, or else- 
 where, the heat will be beneficial. Hot applica- 
 tions throughout the entire length of the spine 
 will be helpful in quieting the nerves. The hot 
 vaginal douche will relieve tenderness and con- 
 gestions of uterus and ovaries and tend to con- 
 trol excessive flow, but it must be hot 110 or 
 115 degrees Fahrenheit. Warm sitz baths will re- 
 lieve the head. For flushings, the affected parts 
 will be relieved by sponging with hot water. 
 For profuse sweating, sponging with hot salt 
 water will be found efficacious. 
 
 As a rule, the desire for sexual intercourse 
 gradually decreases and finally dies with the ces- 
 sation of ovulation and menstruation. It some- 
 times happens, at this time of life, that because 
 of local congestion and disturbed nerves exces- 
 sive sexual desire is felt. This is a morbid con- 
 
 359
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 dition which is generally increased by the effort 
 to gratify it. If it is so recognized by the indi- 
 vidual and the proper use made of hot vaginal 
 douches and careful exercising, the condition 
 may gradually be overcome. 
 
 With many women at this period, there is a 
 strong tendency to gloomy forebodings. Their 
 thoughts center about themselves and every pain 
 is aggravated by their apprehensive imaginings. 
 Thus they make their own lives a much greater 
 burden than is at all necessary. Often a com- 
 plete change of scene and occupation is the most 
 effective treatment. It is important to establish 
 an absorbing interest in something outside of 
 self, thereby preventing introspection. 
 
 There is no reason for women to dread this 
 time as so many of them do, nor to feel that it 
 is an indication of the end of their period of use- 
 fulness. While it is true that they can no longer 
 bring children into the world, that does not mean 
 that they cease to be mothers in the truest and 
 most comprehensive meaning of the word. 
 Motherhood is more than simply a physical func- 
 tion. In its essence it is purely spiritual. As 
 the physical mother nourishes and sustains the 
 body of her offspring, so does the spiritual mother 
 inspire and develop the highest and best in all 
 with whom she comes in contact. 
 
 Instead of looking upon the change of life as a 
 lessening of her usefulness rather should the 
 woman consider it an extension of her field of ac- 
 tivity. 
 
 360
 
 CHAPTER LI 
 
 How to Build Vigorous Womanhood. 
 
 BEFORE the great world war took so many 
 of the male members of society away from 
 their various occupations to the struggle of the 
 battlefield, most people still had in their heads 
 the time-worn idea that woman is the weaker sex 
 and should not think of laying claim to the pos- 
 session of vigor or muscular strength. But now, 
 how this has all changed ! We find women doing 
 practically everything that man ever did, and 
 we hear nothing said about the work not being 
 as efficiently done as formerly, either. We have 
 women farmers, iron-workers, blacksmiths, 
 street-car conductors, chauffeurs and ammuni- 
 tion workers, and in the great conflict itself, we 
 have seen in the Russian "Battalion of Death," 
 women soldiers as capable of holding their own 
 and as brave as man ever dared to be. 
 
 What does all this mean? Have we been wrong 
 all these ages about the weakness of women? 
 Are the supposedly fabulous tales of the strength 
 and vigor of ancient women, then, really true? 
 It seems so, and the facts indicate that modern 
 woman is awakening, and will soon be emanci- 
 pated from her thralldom of weakness and disa- 
 bility. 
 
 Among the lower animals, the female of the 
 species is practically never inferior to, and in 
 
 361
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 some cases excels, the male in strength. In the 
 human species, also, there are many women, 
 who, even in these civilized times, are much 
 stronger than many men, and more capable men- 
 tally as well as physically. It should be forgot- 
 ten, therefore, that women were ever considered 
 inferior. 
 
 It is, however, true that woman has a great 
 deal to overcome, and a great many old tradi- 
 tions and customs to discard, before she will be 
 ready collectively to take her place alongside 
 the male as a being of equal vigor. She has the 
 effects of generations of indoor living to over- 
 come. Her muscles are weak and flabby be- 
 cause of inactivity. It will take generations of 
 women and years upon years of proper living 
 and care of the body to bring forth a race of 
 women such as will satisfy the dreams of the 
 eugenist. 
 
 But suppose you are weak and perhaps ill is 
 strength and health possible? Of course they 
 are, and we are going to tell you how to secure 
 them. 
 
 In the first place you may find it necessary 
 to change somewhat your ideas of living. You 
 must forget that you are a woman, for the time 
 being, and simply remember that you belong to 
 the human race and are subject to all of the laws 
 of Nature applying to humanity. Strength is 
 dependent upon good health, and you must first 
 secure that. All of your efforts must be in that 
 direction. If you have any habits which are 
 
 362
 
 injuring you, give them up. Stop all drug- 
 taking and the use of tea, coffee, alcoholic drinks 
 and patent medicines. You must give yourself 
 every chance. Remember that everything en- 
 tering your system finally gets into the blood and 
 that the blood carries this, whether food or 
 poison, to the cells. If food, the cells are prop- 
 erly nourished and health results if poison, *the 
 cells are poisoned and ill health is produced. 
 
 Would-be athletes and others desiring to be- 
 come strong often make the mistake of trying to 
 develop their voluntary muscles through exercise 
 alone, forgetting the other factors necessary for 
 health. Big muscles may be produced in this 
 way, but the vital organs are perhaps neglected 
 and are incapable of producing the blood neces- 
 sary for keeping up the nutrition of the new- 
 formed tissue, or removing waste substances. 
 
 Special attention should be given to elimina- 
 tion through all four of the great emunctories 
 of the body, viz., the lungs, kidneys, bowels and 
 skin. Without perfect elimination there can be 
 no health, and hence no physical vigor. Much 
 of the listlessness, tired feeling, and headache 
 experienced by women from no apparent cause 
 is due to faulty elimination. 
 
 THE LUNGS. The more fresh air inhaled, the 
 more carbon-dioxide do the lungs delete from 
 the system. Therefore live out of doors as much 
 as possible. The next best thing is to work and 
 sleep where there is good ventilation. If you 
 are compelled to work all day in badly ventilated
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 rooms, make it a practice to sleep out of doors, 
 or with your head near the window. Modern 
 apartment houses often have sleeping porches, 
 but they are seldom used for the purpose for 
 which intended, being often occupied as dens or 
 smoking rooms. Walk to your work if you can. 
 Take an earlier start and walk the two or three 
 miles, if that be the distance. You will then not 
 only receive the benefit of the fresh air, but get 
 some of the best exercise possible. Breathe 
 deeply at all times. A good plan is to count the 
 number of steps taken during each inhalation 
 and exhalation. This will develop the habit of 
 deep breathing and after a while it will be done 
 unconsciously. 
 
 THE KIDNEYS. To promote good kidney ac- 
 tion, pure water must be taken freely. Two or 
 three quarts of water per day is not too much. 
 An abundance of water never harms the kidneys. 
 It is not the fluid passing through the kidneys 
 which overworks and harms them, but the sub- 
 stances held in solution in the urine. Therefore 
 the more concentrated the urine the greater the 
 work and irritation of the kidney structure. 
 Those who eat meat, especially, should drink 
 large quantities of water. If quantities of milk, 
 or fruit juices, are taken, of course less water 
 is needed. 
 
 THE BOWELS. Constipation is the bane of 
 most women's existence, and it is usually due 
 to the inactivity of their lives and lack of care 
 in eating. Another potent cause is the taking 
 
 364
 
 VIGOROUS WOMANHOOD 
 
 of laxatives and cathartics. Some develop the 
 condition through neglect of regular habits. 
 Nothing should be used to regulate the bowels 
 except proper diet, sufficient water, and, in emer- 
 gencies, the enema. If one will take care to use 
 regularly such foods as whole-wheat bread, 
 prunes, stewed peaches, coarsely ground cereals 
 and salads composed of tomatoes, cabbage, cel- 
 ery, onions, lettuce, nuts, and berries there will 
 be little trouble. Active exercise will also assist 
 in overcoming the condition. The bowels should 
 move at least once each day, though twice daily 
 is better. 
 
 THE SKIN. About two pints of perspiration 
 are excreted by the skin daily, holding in solution 
 urea, uric acid and other poisons. The constant 
 wearing of clothes deprives the skin of the ben- 
 efit of air and sunlight, so that it is usually so 
 anemic and relaxed that it is no longer a normal 
 organ of elimination, but simply a covering for 
 the body. The skin must not only be kept clean, 
 but it must be exercised. There are tiny muscles 
 controlling the sweat-glands which need exercise 
 the same as other muscles. By the constant wear- 
 ing of thick clothing these muscles are kept re- 
 laxed. The frequent exposure of the nude body 
 to air causes a contraction of the muscles of the 
 skin, which tones them up. You should take 
 frequent air and light baths no matter how cold 
 the air. Of course you will have to go slowly at 
 first and expose the body for but a few minutes. 
 The best time for this is just after getting up 
 
 365
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 in the morning, or before going to bed. During 
 the exposure to the air rub the body vigorously 
 with the bare hands, then dress quickly, or get 
 into bed. You may have some "goose-flesh" at 
 first and shiver somewhat, but gradually you 
 will find that the feeling of the cold air is pleas- 
 ant, that you no longer feel cold, and that 
 "colds" are a thing of the past. 
 
 Once each week take a full hot tub bath, re- 
 maining in the water for at least ten minutes, 
 then drying quickly and covering up well in bed. 
 If you do not go immediately to bed the hot 
 bath must be finished with a cold shower or 
 sponge. The after effects of a hot bath are in- 
 creased if the body is covered warmly, as elimi- 
 nation continues for some time. If soap is used 
 it should be very bland. There is good reason 
 to believe that the excessive use of soap is de- 
 structive to the eliminative action of the skin. 
 
 Each day, preferably after your exercise, take 
 a cool shower or a cool rub. This may be taken 
 very quickly and effectively by wetting a thick 
 Turkish towel in cold water and rubbing briskly 
 every part of the body, finishing by a thorough 
 rub with a dry towel. The cold sitz bath taken 
 for one or two minutes, either daily or twice a 
 week, is beneficial. During the menstrual periods 
 it may be discontinued. This is very important 
 in special conditions of congestion or inflamma- 
 ton, as specified in preceding chapters. 
 
 Although the corset has been condemned for 
 ages and its ill effects separately pointed out, 
 
 366
 
 VIGOROUS WOMANHOOD 
 
 there are still women who are torturing and de- 
 forming their bodies and depleting their vitality 
 by this device. Before you can become strong 
 you must discard this article of apparel. Indeed, 
 you should study the question of clothing thor- 
 oughly, and however stylish you may desire your 
 clothes to be they must in no way interfere with 
 the free action of our limbs, or produce undue 
 pressure at any point. 
 
 DIET. What is the best diet for building vig- 
 orous health? This will depend in many cases 
 upon the individual and the requirements of 
 her daily occupation, state of health, etc. 
 
 In general, it may be said that a diet consisting 
 of fruits, nuts, vegetables, cereals and milk is 
 the one best suited for maintaining health and 
 building strong tissues. Meat is not necessary 
 to health, but in many instances where it is im- 
 possible to secure a suitable diet, one is com- 
 pelled to use it. At such times plenty of green 
 vegetables should be consumed with it, and large 
 quantities of water taken between meals. 
 
 You must take care to eat only to satisfy the 
 needs of the body. Overeating is destructive to 
 digestion and health, and often defeats the pur- 
 poses of the whole regime. The best of diets, 
 no matter how hygienic and how carefully bal- 
 anced, will become as poison if too much is eaten. 
 Thorough mastication and insalivation of all 
 food is necessary for perfect digestion. This ap- 
 plies particularly to all starchy foods. The fewer 
 condiments used the better. In many instances, 
 
 367
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 proper combination of foods will obviate the ne- 
 cessity for using artificial flavors. 
 
 If one is thirsty at meals, water is permissible 
 and will aid digestion, but fluid must not be used 
 to "wash down" food improperly masticated. 
 Tea and coffee are stimulants and must not be 
 used habitually. The three best drinks are water, 
 milk and fruit juices. Buttermilk is also health- 
 ful and a really delicious beverage if used when 
 fresh. 
 
 The tendency in diet should be to use foods 
 in as near their natural state as is consistent with 
 palatability and digestibility. The comtinued use 
 of the ordinary cooked diet tends to produce an 
 acid condition, because of the lack of the natural 
 organic salts. If one eats cooked food, there 
 should also be taken a plentiful amount of fruits 
 and raw green vegetables. 
 
 EXERCISE. In the next chapter will be found 
 a system of exercises which is especially suited 
 for building strength and improving the phys- 
 ical proportions. We might say at this point 
 that the more you get into the habit of playing 
 athletic games and indulging in walking, rowing, 
 canoeing, horseback riding, swimming and other 
 strenuous sports, the greater will be your endur- 
 ance and the purer your blood. Of course at 
 first you will need to be careful not to overdo, 
 and you should stop the exercise short of fatigue ; 
 but you will find your strength and endurance 
 gradually increasing and the general feeling of 
 well-being will encourage you to continue. 
 
 368
 
 VIGOROUS WOMANHOOD 
 
 If you are one of those women who are con- 
 tinually looking for symptoms of ill health and 
 are much given to worry about your condition, 
 we would say that you must at once change your 
 attitude of mind. Remember you are as you are 
 because of wrong habits of living, and the only 
 way to remedy matters is to adopt normal hab- 
 its. Worry will not help you on your way to 
 health. You must get rid of the picture of dis- 
 ease which has become implanted in your mind 
 and replace it with an image of the woman you 
 would like to be. Visit the art museum and study 
 the statues and sculptured beauties there exhib- 
 ited, and make up your mind that you will be as 
 nearly like them as possible. Then study the 
 laws governing your own body and lay the foun- 
 dation of health, without which no beauty of 
 form, or of robust womanhood is possible. 
 
 369
 
 Improving and Beautfying the Bust. 
 
 IF there is one feature in respect to which 
 nearly all women are most interested in im- 
 proving and beautifying themselves, it is in the 
 matter of bust development. And furthermore, 
 if there is any one particular in which the major- 
 ity of women need improvement more than an- 
 other, it is in this very respect. 
 
 The reason for this nearly universal desire for 
 a perfect bust is not based purely upon the de- 
 sire for beauty, although that is a very large 
 factor. It is also partly due to an instinctive rec- 
 ognition that a good bust is the indication of 
 superb womanhood. A normal bust develop- 
 ment is regarded as implying the possession of 
 all those qualities that make for true womanli- 
 ness, not merely in the physical sense, but in a 
 mental and spiritual way as well. 
 
 Femininity is not a purely physical quality, but 
 is both mental and physical in nature. It is man- 
 ifested through the brain and nervous make-up 
 as well as in such external characteristics as ab- 
 sence of beard, refinement of features, greater 
 delicacy of hands and feet and the character- 
 istic pelvic structure. Femininity consists not 
 only in the bodily conformation, but in the man- 
 ner of thinking and manner of feeling. 
 
 370
 
 BEAUTIFYING THE BUST 
 
 All of these wo- 
 manly qualities are 
 suggested by a per- 
 fect and beautiful 
 bust development. 
 It conveys the im- 
 pression of fitness 
 for wifehood and 
 motherhood. One 
 does not look for 
 masculine qualities 
 in such a woman. 
 The elements of 
 womanliness are 
 found to be highly 
 developed. In other 
 words, the posses- 
 sor of a good bust is 
 found to be perfect- 
 ly sexed and in 
 every way suited 
 for the bearing of 
 healthy and vigor- 
 ous children. 
 
 Starting with this 
 fundamental c o n- 
 ception of the true 
 underlying meaning 
 of the bust, the 
 reader will at once 
 .understand the gen- 
 ^eral conditions nec- 
 
 25 
 
 Exercise 1. Raising elbows and 
 placing finger tips on shoulders, 
 circle the elbows at each side. Re- 
 peat ten times and then circle in re- 
 verse direction. 
 371
 
 \VOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 Exercise 2. Resisting with the 
 head, bring elbows first far forward 
 and downward, then as far upward 
 and backward as possible. Repeat 
 ten to twenty times. 
 
 372 
 
 essary to a good de- 
 velopment of this 
 part of the body. It 
 will be seen imme- 
 diately that the wo- 
 man who is lacking 
 in vitality, who is 
 poorly sexed, who 
 has few of the nat- 
 ural instincts of wo- 
 manhood and is 
 generally far from 
 fitted for maternity, 
 would perhaps not 
 be expected to show 
 an ideal develop- 
 ment of the bust. 
 You can, in fact, 
 take it for granted 
 that the expecta- 
 tions of deficiency 
 aroused i 11 such 
 cases will be realiz- 
 ed. 
 
 The first require- 
 ment for improving 
 the bust is to build 
 constitutional vigor 
 and those vital and 
 nervous forces 
 which are at the ba- 
 sis of a well-sexed
 
 BEAUTIFYING THE BUST 
 
 condition. In other words, to build a superior 
 quality of what may be termed womanhood, it 
 is merely necessary to build vitality and con- 
 stitutional strength. And having developed 
 these qualities of all-around bodily and nerv- 
 ous vigor, you can depend upon an improve- 
 ment in the condition and appearance of the bust 
 corresponding to the altered state of health. 
 
 In another chapter may be found general in- 
 structions for accomplishing these results. 
 Plenty of sleep is perhaps the first requirement. 
 Women commonly need a little more sleep than 
 men. Often they secure less. The wife who 
 sits up nights mending stockings after her lord 
 and master has retired and found oblivion, and 
 who then gets up first in the morning in order 
 that his breakfast may be hot and ready when 
 he finally rolls out, is not likely to make herself 
 exceptionally attractive to him unless she finds 
 some plan for getting a little sleep in the after- 
 noon. In addition to this, a diet of live foods 
 that is to say, a diet containing a considerable 
 quantity of uncooked food, thus giving the nec- 
 essary "vitamines," with plenty of outdoor life 
 and sunshine, and sufficient exercise to insure a 
 vigorous circulation and a good general bodily 
 development, will usually enable one to acquire 
 that state of vitality that is the basis of either 
 superb womanhood on the one hand, or virile 
 manhood, on the other. 
 
 There are two radically different types of re- 
 quirements for bust improvement among 
 
 373
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 women: On the one hand there is the need to 
 reduce the bust and on the other to develop or 
 build it up. In the first case the difficulty is 
 often largely a matter of obesity, and a general 
 fat-reducing program of food limitation and ex- 
 ercise will be necessary. In some instances the 
 fatty tissue seems to have a tendency to localize 
 itself in this region. In that case, special exercise 
 and the general methods which will be suggested 
 later will cover all requirements. 
 
 The more difficult case is that of the woman 
 just past the flush of youth who is lacking in 
 bust development, or who presents a too "flat- 
 chested" appearance. In such a case there is a 
 special need for the vitality-building program 
 just mentioned, together with more or less lo- 
 cally stimulating natural treatment. It should 
 be remembered that the breast is a glandular 
 structure, and when these glands are either un- 
 developed or atrophied, the breast will naturally 
 be undersized. Now, increased vitality and the 
 development of all womanly qualities will mean 
 a natural improvement in the quality and size 
 of these glands, thus giving the bust the fullness 
 it requires. Exercise alone will not build up 
 the bust, because the bust is not primarily a 
 muscular structure, but exercise is necessary to 
 give tone and firmness to this region and to give 
 the bust the capacity for supporting itself in the 
 normal position, without drooping. 
 
 It is not merely the size of the breast with 
 which women are concerned, but the question of 
 
 374
 
 BEAUTIFYING THE BUST 
 
 Exercise 3. First cross the arms as far as possible in 
 
 front of the body. Then raise the arms, still crossed, above 
 
 the head. Lower, and repeat ten or twenty times. 
 
 375
 
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 rrl O fe , V 
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 rt w d ii w 
 
 o 
 
 "u ^ ^X bfl 
 
 H rn^^ 
 
 376
 
 BEAUTIFYING THE BUST 
 
 its firmness and shapeliness, or lack of the same. 
 The tendency to sag or droop is altogether too 
 common, even among many very young women. 
 It is only natural that this result should follow 
 when the bust is exceptionally large, inasmuch 
 as the larger the bust the greater its weight, but 
 this flabbiness is even experienced by many 
 women with small breasts. It is due entirely to 
 a condition of weakness and loss of muscular 
 tone. 
 
 In some cases the use of bust supporters and 
 the wearing of tight brassieres, or other artificial 
 means of confining the breasts, are very largely 
 responsible for the weakness and laxity of these 
 tissues. In other cases, the use of tight bindings 
 following childbirth may have served to destroy 
 permanently the shape of the breasts. If one 
 has suffered the results of such influences it will 
 be all the more difficult to restore a normal con- 
 tour. It may be even impossible. Exercise is 
 the one most effective method by which these 
 parts can be strengthened and improved in tone. 
 If only the breasts could be given appropriate 
 firmness, that would in many cases be sufficient 
 to beautify them. Exercise is the supreme means 
 to this end. 
 
 But exercise is also essential to improve and 
 round out the chest, which is equally important. 
 The chest serves as a foundation, so to speak, 
 for the breasts, and the improvement in the de- 
 velopment and contour of the chest as a whole 
 naturally gives the bust a better appearance. 
 
 377
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 Even the normal bust 
 on a flat-chested woman 
 would appear undevel- 
 oped and would tend to 
 droop, whereas with the 
 chest well filled out and 
 properly carried, the 
 same breasts would have 
 the appearance of beau- 
 
 ty. 
 
 Cold-water bathing is 
 another ideal means for 
 invigorating and giving 
 firmness to these tissues. 
 For reducing the bust, 
 cold water is especially 
 important. But for the 
 woman lacking in bust 
 development it can also 
 be highly recommended, 
 since it improves the cir- 
 culation in a marked de- 
 gree and thus stimulates 
 the activity and growth 
 of the glands. In this 
 case also, bathing of the 
 parts with hot water, or 
 the application of hot, 
 
 wet cloths for five min- 
 
 A n j T- i Exercise 4. Clasping the 
 
 Utes, followed by a quick hands, stretch arms high 
 
 Sponging 1 with Cold wa- above head - , For improving 
 , V . j . . the chest and carnage. Do 
 
 ,er to Contract and inVlg- this many times daily. 
 
 378
 
 BEAUTIFYING THE BUST 
 
 orate the tissues, should form a valuable part of 
 the treatment. 
 
 Where reduction of the bust is desired, mas- 
 sage is another helpful measure. It may require 
 a great deal of massage to bring about a small 
 reduction, but it is one of the helpful agencies. 
 In applying massage for this purpose, it is im- 
 portant to avoid any downward strokes, inas- 
 much as this would only accentuate the dragging 
 and drooping tendency, which is always marked 
 when the breasts are large. 
 
 For lack of bust development, any influence 
 which improves the local circulation would be 
 helpful in stimulating the glands. On this ac- 
 count, some form of vacuum or suction treat- 
 ment which does not unduly stretch the tissues 
 would be helpful. The old-fashioned suction 
 treatment applied by the placing of a hot bowl 
 over the parts involved can be suggested. As 
 the bowl cools, the air contracts, forming a par- 
 tial vacuum and thus drawing the blood to this 
 region. A simpler method is found in the use 
 of the ordinary breast pump, sold at drug stores 
 for the relief of nursing mothers, but which may 
 be used for this purpose if applied not only over 
 the nipple but successively over other parts of 
 the breast as well. 
 
 A great many women of normal development 
 think themselves lacking in this respect because 
 of a false impression as to what is the proper size 
 of the bust. The normal and healthy breast 
 should not be over-large. It is only during preg- 
 
 379
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 nancy and lactation that the breasts become very 
 prominent. Women with exceptionally large 
 breasts very often fail to nurse their children, 
 whereas the woman with a comparatively small, 
 firm breast more frequently rises to the occa- 
 sion. The ideal development is that popular- 
 ized in the masterpieces of sculpture. It is firm- 
 ness and shapeliness that is desired, more than 
 excessive size. And if the chest is properly built 
 up, such a bust gives one the contour and out- 
 lines of true womanly beauty. 
 
 380
 
 CHAPTER LIII 
 
 Exercise for Womanly Strength. 
 
 THERE are few women who have not cov- 
 eted the beauty and development of form 
 presented in famous works of art, but very few 
 indeed who have really tried to make themselves 
 the bodily equal of the Venus of their admira- 
 tion. That beautiful bodies are the exception 
 rather than the rule is due simply to lack of in- 
 terest in, and neglect of, physical training. All 
 women can be well developed and strong. 
 Health, beauty and strength are synonymous 
 and can all be secured by diligent and continuous 
 efforts. Of course the younger one is, and the 
 earlier in life exercise is begun for the purpose 
 of body development, the greater will be the 
 results ; but in practically all cases improvement 
 is possible, usually a surprising improvement, 
 and the gain in health will more than pay for 
 the time and attention given to this interesting 
 and beneficial field of endeavor. 
 
 Girls should receive careful physical training 
 from childhood, together with scientific health 
 culture, if a race of strong women is to be ex- 
 pected. They should receive the same training 
 physically as boys, and engage in practically all 
 sports and exercises that are usually undertaken 
 by the so-called stronger sex. 
 
 381
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 Systematic exercise of the voluntary muscles 
 will stimulate the functions of every involuntary 
 organ in the body. This is because of the in- 
 creased circulation of blood and also because it 
 relieves any contraction of tissue which may be' 
 interfering with nerve impulses. 
 
 The use of the muscles causes them to grow 
 larger and also increases their firmness. We 
 often see women who appear strong and well- 
 developed, but a close examination shows that 
 their apparent development is chiefly fatty tis- 
 sue, their muscles making up but little of their 
 bulk. As these women get older some of this 
 fat is lost and their skin becomes wrinkled and 
 relaxed, giving them a prematurely aged ap- 
 pearance. Of course a thin layer of fat is nec- 
 essary to give the body a well-rounded appear- 
 ance and to serve as a protection to the under- 
 lying tissues, but the body bulk should consist 
 chiefly of well-developed muscles. Those women 
 who exercise regularly and systematically, and 
 thus maintain the tone and bulk of their muscu- 
 lar systems, often retain their beauty until very 
 late in life. 
 
 A woman's back and abdomen are usually her 
 weakest parts, and we cannot too strongly em- 
 phasize the importance of exercise for the devel- 
 opment of the muscles of these too often neg- 
 lected and abused parts of her anatomy. Relaxed 
 organs and disease of the digestive tract are 
 often entirely due to weak abdominal muscles. 
 There are several systems of therapeutics based 
 
 382
 
 WOMANLY STRENGTH 
 
 entirely on the spine, and their principal method 
 of treatment is adjustment and correction of 
 defects and malpositions of the bones and liga- 
 ments of that region. 
 
 My experience has shown that exercise alone 
 will correct many of the lesions that usually 
 take one to a medical practitioner; and, in fact, 
 if the spinal muscles are kept in condition, lesions 
 are impossible, or if they do occur will quickly 
 return to normal. 
 
 The use of the corset is nearly always respon- 
 sible for weak abdominal and spinal muscles, 
 and before any improvement is possible this 
 must be discarded. 
 
 Exercise simply means the use of your mus- 
 cles, and there is no particular "system" that is 
 any better than any other. Having decided that 
 you are going to exercise for body development 
 and strength let nothing deter you from your 
 purpose. It is best to select some time of day 
 for your exercise that is most convenient and 
 use that time every day. Some prefer to exer- 
 cise just after getting out of bed in the morning 
 and some just before going to bed, but it makes 
 little difference, provided you exercise regularly. 
 It is well to omit systematized exercises on one 
 day of the week and reserve that day for walk- 
 ing or outdoor games. This will prevent your 
 tiring and becoming "stale." 
 
 In addition to your regular exercise you should 
 walk several miles daily, and when occasion of- 
 
 383
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 fers, run for short distances. This will help to 
 develop endurance and lung capacity. 
 
 If you are one that tires easily of exercise and 
 find that you cannot maintain your interest, try 
 to get some member of the family, or a friend, to 
 exercise with you. This will develop a sort of 
 rivalry which will help in keeping both of you 
 at it. Another way to keep up interest is to 
 change your form of exercise every week, 
 or every month. Almost every issue of 
 PHYSICAL CULTURE contains an article on exer- 
 cises which may be followed until the next ap- 
 pears, and one can easily invent forms of exer- 
 cise that will vary the regime enough to prevent 
 its becoming tiresome. Music is a great stimulus 
 to exercise, even if it only takes the form of a 
 phonograph reproduction. Try it. 
 
 We have selected a few exercises which will 
 be found effective in developing strength and 
 promoting health, and which will form a basis 
 of the health-building regime. Each movement 
 should be taken a sufficient number of times to 
 produce a slight tired feeling, but they should 
 not be carried to the point of fatigue. The gain 
 from exercise depends upon the amount of blood 
 which is pumped into the muscle, and when a 
 muscle is used so long that it cannot further 
 respond to the nerve impulse because of fatigue, 
 it means that it is poisoned by the retained waste 
 substances produced by its use, and rest is neces- 
 sary to restore it to normal. 
 
 384
 
 EXERCISES FOR THE SPINE. 
 
 Stand erect on the toes; stretch the arms up 
 over the head, putting as much tension in the 
 spinal muscles as possible. Try to stretch as 
 far upward as possible, stretching and relaxing 
 alternately for a number of times. From the 
 position mentioned, bend forward and touch 
 your toes, returning to erect position. Repeat 
 a number of times. Stand with legs apart 
 bend downward and forward and try to touch 
 the ground behind the heels. Repeat until tired. 
 Stand with feet apart clasp hands behind head 
 and bend body from side to side as far as pos- 
 sible. Standing in same position, rotate the body 
 to the left and to the right, as far as you can. 
 Stand erect, depress your chin and move your 
 head backward as far as you can, putting ten- 
 sion in the muscles of the back of your neck, 
 and the small of the back. Lying on the stom- 
 ach, raise the arms and legs as high as possible. 
 This is a hard exercise at first, but should be 
 persisted in, as it is valuable. Lying in the same 
 position, make swimming movements until 
 tired. 
 
 EXERCISES FOR THE ABDOMEN 
 Lying on the back, raise first one leg and then 
 the other. Raise both legs together. Lying in 
 same position, raise up and touch the toes, re- 
 peating until tired. Rajse both legs to the verti- 
 cal, separate legs as far as possible, bring to- 
 gether, and return to position. Lying on the 
 
 385
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 side, raise the leg as far as possible. Repeat on 
 the other side. Lying on the back try to bring 
 the toes above or back of the head and touch 
 the floor. Many of these exercises are of ben- 
 efit in strengthening not only the abdominal 
 muscles, but at the same time the pelvic region 
 and the organs of sex. 
 
 There is another form of exercise for strength- 
 ening the abdominal region that is particularly 
 important in this connection. This is what I 
 might term internal contraction exercise, and 
 consists in the contraction of the internal mus- 
 cular structures from the diaphragm down. 
 
 As you know, the interior of the body is to a 
 considerable extent muscular, as, for instance, 
 the heart. The alimentary canal is very largely 
 muscular in make up. The diaphragm likewise 
 is one of the most important muscular struc- 
 tures of the body, and may be made very pow- 
 erful. Female weaknesses we have seen to be 
 largely the result of laxity of muscles, ligaments 
 and other internal parts. Weakness of the back, 
 the entire pelvic region and the external abdomi- 
 nal walls, combine to produce faulty posture, 
 and in many cases a prolapsed condition of all 
 the organs of the lower part of the trunk. This 
 laxity and weakness can be corrected, not only 
 by external exercises which give one better car- 
 riage and strengthen the abdominal walls, and 
 indirectly affect the internal structures, but 
 especially by internal contraction exercises 
 
 386
 
 WOMANLY STRENGTH 
 
 which directly involve the parts concerned. 
 
 Everyone knows the action of the diaphragm 
 in breathing. If your waist is unrestricted by 
 clothing, and there is complete freedom for ex- 
 pansion of the body, you know that by inhaling 
 the breath deeply, through the downward con- 
 traction of the diaphragm, the body expands at 
 the waist-line and in the abdominal region. As 
 you exhale, the abdomen is drawn in or re- 
 tracted, and the girth of the waist diminished. 
 A little practice in diaphragmatic breathing will 
 enable you to get good control of the diaphragm. 
 
 Now, if in connection with this breathing you 
 will, when inhaling, increase the downward con- 
 traction of the diaphragm and expand the ab- 
 dominal region very forcibly, and then when 
 exhaling force the breath out more vigorously, 
 drawing in the abdomen as far as you can, you 
 will find that you have a first-class muscular 
 exercise for these internal parts. It will pay you 
 to give a great deal of attention to this type of 
 exercise. 
 
 For one exercise you can merely expand and 
 contract the waist-line as energetically as pos- 
 sible, drawing the abdomen inward and press- 
 ing outward as much as you can. For another 
 exercise you can give special attention to a 
 merely downward pressure in the entire region, 
 alternating with a lifting-up impulse in which 
 you make the endeavor to draw the stomach and 
 other organs up into the chest cavity, or as 
 nearly so as possible. Repeat each of these a 
 
 387 
 
 26
 
 WOMANHOOD AND MARRIAGE 
 
 number of times and practice them at different 
 intervals during the day. 
 
 EXERCISES FOR GENERAL BODY-BUILDING. 
 
 These consist of movements of all of the limbs 
 and all of the joints in every possible direction. 
 You should start with the fingers and flex and 
 extend, rotate and bend each joint in turn a cer- 
 tain number of times, until you have gone over 
 the whole body. In this way you will have exer- 
 cised all of the larger groups of muscles. These 
 may be followed by stretching exercises, in 
 which you try to extend each limb as far as you 
 possibly can. We would advise that you take 
 the spinal and abdominal exercises on one day 
 and the general exercises on the next and so on 
 alternately. 
 
 Following your exercise a dry* rub with a 
 rough towel, or a cold wet sponge bath, should 
 be taken, or, if facilities are at hand, a warm and 
 cool spray may be taken. 
 
 An occasional day of resting should be ob- 
 served on which you take no form of voluntary 
 exercise at all. This will save nervous energy 
 and you will return to your exercise with re- 
 newed interest. 
 
 One should not make a task of exercise. It 
 should always be enjoyed. If such is not the 
 case a period of rest is advisable, after which 
 the exercise may be gradually resumed. 
 
 [THE END] 
 
 388
 
 C3 
 
 HOSE who find this book of value will doubt- 
 HUfl less desire more knowledge of the wonders of 
 body building. Within the pages of the "Mac- 
 .fadden Encyclopedia of Physical Culture" will 
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 tion. These books can truly be termed a library 
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 volumes. Literature giving detailed informa- 
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 ACFADDEN'S ENCYCLO- 
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 TURE is an absolute necessity 
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 Anyone can benefit by the study of 
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 and also a manikin which opens out 
 
 Continued on next page.
 
 JMacf adden'e encyclopedia 
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 showing all of the muscles and organs 
 of the body. 
 
 This is the most complete treatise 
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 velopment of health and the cure of 
 disease by rational methods. At the 
 same time, it is written in an intensely 
 fascinating style so that one learns 
 without any sense of effort. 
 
 It is hard to think of any subject 
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 you understand that the blood circu- 
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 only three hundred years ago this 
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 had always been there, and that it 
 would remain in that very same loca- 
 tion until death and decay. 
 
 Sounds foolish to us now. But, 
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 far from the truth. Some of these are 
 already known to science, but are not, 
 
 Continued on next page.
 
 JVIacf adden's Encyclopedia 
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 as yet, general knowledge. Certainly, 
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 yourself would like further enlighten- 
 ment. If so, you will much enjoy the 
 ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PHYSICAL 
 CULTURE.- 
 
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 Book" in the house for ready refer- 
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 A special Diagnosis Chart makes it 
 
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 possible to recognize disease in its ear- 
 lier stages when it is easier to handle, 
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 Many a man and woman would like 
 to know all about the popular athletic 
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 ume II worth the price of the set to 
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 and sport is explained. Courses are 
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 the books are fully illustrated. 
 
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 Diet is also fully given. This vol- 
 ume has very aptly been called the 
 BOOK OF HEALTH. 
 
 But even this is not all. There is a 
 
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 complete beauty course given within 
 the covers of this work. And what 
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