(M 
 
 
GIFT OF 
 
 ' L 
 
"wo Lives 
 
 in One 
 
 by 
 
 Charles Gardner 
 

 
 
 
 
PREFACE 
 
 In putting this little book be- 
 fore the public, I wish to bring 
 out clearly, that it is not for the 
 purpose of bringing myself into 
 notoriety, nor is it for the sake of 
 self-aggrandisement. My real pur- 
 pose for writing this book is to 
 encourage those who have become 
 blind, and apparently helpless, by 
 showing that there is a compensa- 
 tion in life, at the present time, 
 for all our infirmities. It seems to 
 be necessary for those who are 
 blind or otherwise handicapped, 
 to make a superhuman effort to 
 make something out of them- 
 selves. 
 
 The first beginnings, though 
 they are small, will require the 
 greatest effort. It must be borne 
 in mind that all progress is from 
 the little to the great. It will re- 
 quire much time and patience to 
 reach a point in life where all can 
 share the good things of life 
 equally. We do not all enjoy the 
 same thing; one likes one thing 
 
and someone else, another. Life 
 is so vast, that when one source 
 of enjoyment is cut off, there can 
 be other avenues opened up and 
 cultivated to just as great a de- 
 gree of efficiency. 
 
 I do not wish to raise false 
 hopes in the minds of those who 
 are handicapped, but I will say 
 that to get the most out of life one 
 must keep active mentally. It is 
 the running stream that purifies 
 itself. If it were not for the hopes 
 that I entertained I would have 
 died long ago of despair. 
 
 This book has not been written 
 from dictation but has been typed 
 by the author, who learned the 
 use of the typewriter after be- 
 coming blind. 
 
Two Lives in One 
 
 by 
 
 Charles Gardner 
 
 3938 Arizona Street 
 San Diego, California 
 
 Copyright 2920 
 
 BRACKMAM - STEWART PRINTING CO. 
 
 216 WEST F STREET. SAN DIEGO. CALIF. 
 
CHILDHOOD 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 I have been told by those who 
 have a right to know, that I was 
 born on the 16th day of January, 
 1870. I must have been very 
 young at that time, as I have not 
 the faintest recollection of how I 
 looked or how I felt, or anything 
 about it. Several years passed be- 
 fore the things I felt or saw or 
 heard, found their way deep 
 enough into my memory for me 
 to retain them, after a lapse of 
 nearly fifty years. 
 
 We lived in what was, at that 
 time, called The West. It was 
 west of the Mississippi River in 
 the State of Minnesota. I remem- 
 ber the little old log house on the 
 top of a hill in which I was born. 
 There was a cool running spring, 
 a hundred yards or so down the 
 hill from the house. I might well 
 remember it because I had to 
 carry water from that spring up 
 the hill to the house. The buckets 
 the little chap used were not very 
 
 415791 
 
heavy, but they seemed always to 
 gain in weight with every step. 
 There was another small stream 
 of water not more than half a mile 
 from the house, that we used to 
 call a creek. That stream ran at 
 the foot of a high bluff heavily 
 timbered with oak, pine, sugar- 
 maple, hickory, and other kinds 
 of wood. 
 
 I remember that there were 
 trout in the creek that used to find 
 their way into the frying pan ; and 
 there were deep pools in it just 
 deep enough to drown a boy who 
 could not swim. One day I fell 
 in and had all the sensations of 
 drowning, but was pulled out in 
 time to save my life. It is not so 
 hard to die of drowning as it is 
 some other ways, for one soon 
 goes to sleep. 
 
 I remember that there was a 
 great deal of timber not far from 
 our house. There were timber 
 wolves in that country at that 
 time. At night when those wolves 
 came close to the edge of the 
 woods and howled, it was then I 
 covered my head with the bed 
 
clothes and shivered. In the win- 
 ter there was much snow and ice, 
 and there were plenty of hills to 
 slide down en our little home- 
 made sleds; and there were 
 plenty of trees for sleds to run 
 into if they were not steered 
 aright; and hitting a tree some- 
 times meant a sore head or a brok- 
 en arm, or something of the kind. 
 
 In the fall of the year there used 
 to be a great time when the nuts 
 were ripe; there were black wal- 
 nuts, butter-nuts, hickory-nuts, 
 and hazel-nuts, as many as we 
 wanted to gather. At that time 
 the farms were few and far be- 
 tween, and many miles from a 
 city ; even a number of miles from 
 a village, so that there was no sale 
 for nuts of any kind. 
 
 When I was a very little chap, 
 children were not called "kids", 
 little boys v/ere generally called 
 "bub". I remember that my par- 
 ents were very strict about the 
 Sabbath day. There was no 
 work done on the Sabbath Day! 
 and there was no playing on the 
 Sabbath Day! there was no going 
 
for plums nor gathering nuts nor 
 anything else that would be agree- 
 able for a boy to do; the young- 
 ster had to stay in the house and 
 sit on a chair and be very good 
 on the Sabbath Day! It was a 
 dull day for a small boy ; no sleigh 
 riding in winter; no fishing in 
 summer. That sitting still all day 
 may have been rest to some peo- 
 ple, but to me it was the hardest 
 kind of work. It never really im- 
 pressed itself upon my mind why 
 a boy should be deprived of all his 
 playthings, even if it were a day 
 of rest; it never used to make me 
 tired to play and I did not want 
 any rest. 
 
 When a little fellow I was very 
 much afraid of the darkness; 
 there were two reasons for that, 
 one was the fear of wild beasts, 
 for one heard many stories of lit- 
 tle children being carried off by a 
 panther or some other wild ani- 
 mal ; the other reason was the fear 
 of the wrath of God, an idea 
 fostered by hearing Bible stories 
 telling about the wrath of God 
 falling upon the people who did 
 
 10 
 
wrong. 
 
 It has always seemed to me a 
 crime for parents to teach little 
 children the stories of the Bible 
 without explaining that they are 
 allegories. If a man did a wrong 
 it was never forgiven; and if he 
 did a right it was not to be re- 
 warded until he was dead. I call 
 that mighty poor stuff to present 
 to the mind of a child that is just 
 beginning its life! 
 
 I remember when a little boy 
 that I was strictly honest; that 
 was before I knew there was any- 
 thing other than truth. I was 
 willing to believe everything that 
 was told without question, until 
 one day a child borrowed a play- 
 thing of mine with the promise to 
 give it back and did not do so. 
 About that time I heard there was 
 such a thing as a lie, which was a 
 pretty hard blow to an honest and 
 innocent child, but the worst was 
 still to follow. 
 
 A child is a questioner. I used 
 to ask my parents a great number 
 of questions that could not have 
 been answered directly, and some 
 
 11 
 
that could not have been answered 
 at all ; consequently I was put off 
 with evasive answers with the in- 
 tent to mislead and to keep me in 
 
 ignorance of the short-comings of 
 life as long as possible. When, 
 by chance, I found out that I had 
 been deceived by my parents it 
 was almost more than I could 
 bear. I was willing to admit that 
 some children, or even some 
 grown up people, might tell lies, 
 but I was sure that my parents 
 could not do such a thing. The 
 highest ideal that a child has is to 
 be found in its parents. When 
 that ideal is lost there seems to 
 be nothing else worth while. 
 There are many things one has to 
 get used to in this world, and a 
 child can get used to them about 
 as quickly as anyone. I soon got 
 to know that there was a differ- 
 ence in lies ; black lies were meant 
 to injure people; and there were 
 white ones that were called "fibs" 
 that one could tell to keep from 
 getting into trouble. Those little 
 white fellows were the best kind 
 to start using; we might tell one 
 
 12 
 
of that kind to save our pants if 
 we were not caught at it, and of 
 course we never intended to be 
 caught. 
 
 As I look far back into the days 
 of my childhood, it does not seem 
 to have been a very happy one, 
 although there are many bright 
 spots in it. Going out into the 
 forest on a beautiful day in sum- 
 mer, hearing the birds sing and 
 the squirrels chatter, helped to 
 make these bright spots; or to 
 spend the day at the babbling 
 brook, and not fall in, helped to 
 make more bright spots. All man- 
 ner of disappointments (and there 
 seemed to be many) made the 
 dark spots. The one bitter dis- 
 appointment was to have to give 
 up what I thought I knew was 
 best for me to have or to do, for 
 something that someone else 
 thought was best; and even 
 though I afterwards found the 
 new way to be the right way, just 
 as surely did I know that I was 
 right when the next dispute arose. 
 
 is 
 
I did not value time and ex- 
 perience because I had never used 
 them. I had not lived long enough 
 to know what time is. I have 
 learned from that little child to 
 know that we do not know the 
 value of that which we do not use. 
 A little will do for a child but as 
 we grow older we need more. If 
 the body grows and develops the 
 other qualities must also grow 
 and develop to keep everything 
 balanced. When I was a child I 
 had my cares and worries; if it 
 was not a sliver in the hand or 
 foot it was a stone bruise or some 
 other thing equally terrible. A 
 child's mind is made of fine fabric 
 and it takes but little to snarl it. 
 From what I have been told, and 
 I have no reason to doubt it, I 
 took all child's diseases, such as 
 measles and chicken pox; and I 
 do not remember of being whip- 
 ped or scolded then for taking 
 what did not belong to me, but 
 the suffering was much greater 
 than it would have been if I had 
 taken a piece of cake after being 
 told not to do so, and got the 
 
 14 
 
back-side of my pants warmed; 
 that would pay the debt and the 
 pain would soon be gone! There 
 is nothing nice about being sick 
 except the getting well when one 
 
 is the pet of the household. At 
 that time if any body gave me a 
 word of kindness, I was willing 
 to serve them time and again, 
 but it was not easy to serve when 
 spoken to in an unkind way, and 
 the work was never well done 
 when done under compulsion. 
 
 I remember also that it would 
 make me very proud to be able to 
 do some little thing entirely alone ; 
 to make or discover something all 
 alone, or even to seem to learn 
 something entirely alone. I 
 thought I was the only one in the 
 world who knew it, and was in 
 haste to impart the great discov- 
 ery to some other person. It was 
 always a disappointment to find 
 out that others knew it long be- 
 fore, which marred my satisfac- 
 tion with it and I must try again 
 to find out something greater the 
 next time. 
 
 16 
 
My loves as a child were not 
 very steadfast, being mostly of 
 the emotional kind, but I have al- 
 ways loved love and hated hate. 
 When we are all lovers of each in 
 all and all in each the Will of God 
 will be done on earth as in heaven. 
 
Childhood and Youth 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 The child has been found to 
 have a great number of angles, 
 dimensions or phases of char- 
 acter; so must the youth have 
 equally as many. In youth they 
 should become more highly de- 
 veloped. If the child is the spring- 
 time of life then it is the time of 
 planting the seed. Youth must be 
 the summer of life, the time when 
 the greatest growth is made. 
 Youth is the time for the greatest 
 physical and mental development ; 
 it seems to be entering into a new 
 state but always taking the child 
 with it. In many cases the youth 
 is an overgrown child. 
 
 It seems to me that my youth 
 was the happiest part of my life 
 up to the age of forty. Many 
 changes were wrought in the con- 
 ditions of the farm. There was a 
 new frame house erected in place 
 of the log one. There was a well 
 sunken near the house. There 
 were barns erected for the stock. 
 
 17 
 
There was a great deal of land 
 cleared and brought under culti- 
 vation. Much, however, remained 
 virgin soil, and there were still 
 large numbers of wild animals in 
 the country. 
 
 The neighbors were not very 
 close together at that time, and 
 that made the school houses a 
 long distance apart. The little log 
 school that I went to was located 
 about two miles from our farm. 
 We had to go through the woods 
 and over hills to get to it or to go 
 many miles around if we followed 
 the wagon road. School did not 
 keep open the whole year; it was 
 mostly closed in summer and open 
 in winter. There was such a vast 
 amount of snow at times that I 
 was often obliged to stay away. 
 
 I was taught some at home but 
 it did not seem to take the same 
 kind of hold, or else I did not stick 
 to it as closely as I would have 
 done if I had been at school. On 
 the whole I had very little real 
 teaching, so that mental develop- 
 ment was slow; moreover at that 
 time I did not know the great 
 
 18 
 
value of an education. I had never 
 had an education and had never 
 used one, so how should I know 
 that there was any value in it? 
 Apparently we have to use a thing 
 to appreciate its value. Oh, yes, I 
 was told it had a value, and I had 
 been told a lot of other things 
 that I had found to be untrue, so 
 what was I to believe? Then, 
 again it was hard work to sit still 
 for hours at a time with your nose 
 in a book, and it was not easy to 
 remember one of those crooked 
 letters from another; the "p" and 
 "q" looked nearly alike, how could 
 a child remember which side of 
 the stem the loop was on? There 
 were lots of others that were just 
 as bad. 
 
 Then the writing ! Even though 
 there was a copy-book it was hard 
 and impossible to write anything 
 that looked like the copy. Arith- 
 metic was a torment for a long 
 time, and I never did get so that 
 I could spell. A child has to learn 
 the names of everything and has 
 to learn the meanings of every- 
 thing. There is such a vast 
 
 19 
 
amount of stuff thrown into a 
 child's mind in a short time that 
 it is no wonder that it does not al- 
 ways work accurately. 
 
 Going to a school as I had to, 
 where all the grades were heard 
 in the same room, it was not easy 
 to keep my mind upon my work. 
 Even with all the hindrances and 
 disadvantages I managed to get a 
 little general knowledge of things 
 but not enough to take an equal 
 place in the commercial world 
 and make a success in business. 
 
 As a youth I liked to make 
 bows and arrows out of the sec- 
 ond growth hickory, to fish and 
 to hunt small game of which 
 there was plenty. There was al- 
 ways something to do in the 
 woods; gathering sap from the 
 sugar-maples in the spring; plum 
 hunting and blackberrying in the 
 summer, and nutting in the fall. 
 It seems to me that I used to like 
 the fall of the year the best for 
 that was the time of the ripening 
 of the nuts. The hazel-nuts were 
 the first to be gathered; there 
 were hazel bushes every where; 
 
 20 
 
one could have all the hazel-nuts 
 one wanted for the picking; then 
 came the hickory-nuts, butter-nuts 
 and the black walnuts. All one 
 had to do was to go and knock 
 them off the trees, put them into 
 bags, and take them home. The 
 trees were in the forest and the 
 nuts belonged to these who got 
 there first ! There were also large 
 numbers of nut-bearing trees so 
 there was plenty of food left for 
 the squirrels cr any other wild 
 animals that lived on nuts. 
 
 Those nuts were a joy to me in 
 the long winter evenings sitting 
 in front cf a nice log fire. The 
 wolves could howl as much as 
 they liked, I was not so very 
 much afraid inside the house; I 
 shivered a little now and then 
 when they seemed to be quite 
 near. 
 
 When not at school I helped to 
 do the work on the farm. I liked 
 looking after the horses and cat- 
 tle, except going for the cows af- 
 ter dark if they happened not to 
 come home. I learned to harness 
 
 21 
 
and bridle the horses when I had 
 to stand on the manger to reach 
 their heads. As for riding, both 
 in the saddle and bare-back, I 
 cannot remember when I did not 
 know how. 
 
 When the neighbors live from 
 one-half to a mile apart one does 
 not have many playfellows, but 
 after starting to school I soon 
 knew quite a few boys of my own 
 age. 
 
 I used to go swimming, fishing 
 and hunting with them and we 
 played games, such as jumping 
 and wrestling. I never was a good 
 wrestler nor fighter ; I did not care 
 to pound other boys' faces much 
 better than I cared to have my 
 own face pounded. I also be- 
 came acquainted with some girls. 
 I am sure I thought them the 
 nicest things in the world, but I 
 never told one so. I was so ter- 
 ribly bashful that I would rather 
 die than sit in the same seat at 
 school with one of them. I must 
 have been something of a coward ; 
 afraid of the dark; afraid of the 
 girls; and afraid to fight. 
 
 22 
 
I regularly got my pants dusted 
 if my parents found out that I had 
 been fighting. It was hard to get 
 a black eye from a boy and then 
 go home and get fixed so that one 
 would rather stand up than sit 
 down for the rest of the day! 
 There may have been times when 
 I got a whipping when I did not 
 deserve it, but I am quite sure 
 there were times that I should 
 have had one that I did not get. 
 There was an old proverb at our 
 house that went something like 
 this: "spare the rod and spoil the 
 child." I was brought up to rev- 
 erence my parents at a distance; 
 there was none of that real per- 
 sonal fellowship that is so dear in 
 many homes. It may have been 
 because we were frontier people 
 or it may have been for some 
 other reason, I do not know, and 
 it does not matter now, I am only 
 telling my own life story and do 
 not want to try and tell another's. 
 
 There was no church in the 
 neighborhood that my Dad be- 
 lieved in, so all I knew about re- 
 ligion I learned at home. Sab 
 
bath was strictly observed; no 
 work, no play, but stay in the 
 house and read the Bible, or hear 
 it read. Much time was given to 
 the Old Testament wherein I 
 found many things that were un- 
 reasonable when taken literally, 
 but which I was required to be- 
 lieve and did believe for a long 
 time after. I used to question 
 some of these and was told that 
 there were things that the peo- 
 ple were not to know. That sort 
 of answer fills a child's mind with 
 superstition and gives him a 
 wrong impression of the whole 
 state of life. 
 
 I do not lay any blame on Dad ; 
 I know that he did what he 
 thought was best for me. My 
 mind questioned why the Tower 
 of Babel was built in a valley 
 when there were mountains thou- 
 sands of feet high not far away. 
 And how could the sun and moon 
 stand still .when we were taught 
 at school that the earth spun 
 steadily around on its axis? I am 
 now of the belief that it would be 
 better for children to be taught 
 
 24 
 
the things that they can reason 
 out. 
 
 I was taught that God was to 
 be reverenced at a distance. I 
 have asked where heaven is and 
 have been told that it was away 
 up beyond the stars, whence an 
 unknown and undefinable creat- 
 ure ruled the world with a rod of 
 iron, letting the people do wrong 
 if they wanted to, then punish- 
 ing them for not doing right. I 
 knew that I did not always do 
 right but it did not seem to make 
 any difference, if I could keep my 
 parents from finding it out. I be- 
 lieved a lot of things about God 
 and His creation but I did not 
 KNOW a single thing about 
 them. Since I have learned to 
 know and enjoy my fellowship 
 with God, I have come to see that 
 those who talk most about know- 
 ing God are merely pretending to 
 know. But even this is the way 
 we must all take before we really 
 find Him. 
 
Manhood 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 If childhood is the spring time 
 nf life, and youth the summer 
 time, manhood must be the au- 
 tumn. The leaves of the spring 
 time have faded and fallen to the 
 ground. At this time in one's life 
 there must be a gathering to- 
 gether into one place. What I 
 had learned was all the inherit- 
 ance I had. According to the 
 Zodiacal sign under which I was 
 born I came rightfully by a wan- 
 dering disposition. This explains 
 my coming to the Golden State 
 of California. Not having any 
 money I worked my way. It was 
 a wonderful revelation to get into 
 a land where the flowers bloomed 
 the whole year, but that became 
 commonplace in time. 
 
 I had always lived in a very 
 small valley of life and I did not 
 know the ways of the world. I 
 found myself a bashful country 
 boy in one of the large cities, with- 
 out friends or money, and I 
 
thought I was having a rather 
 hard time, but at last I got a job 
 that I was able to hold. 
 
 I worked until I had some 
 money laid up when I got the min- 
 ing fever and went to the mines. 
 Not doing very well, I tried rail- 
 roading and, tiring cf that, went 
 back into the mining business. I 
 was mixing with a rough element 
 and of course a young fellow will 
 fall into the ways of those with 
 whom he keeps company at least, 
 that is what I did. 
 
 After a number of years, I was 
 enabled to accumulate several 
 thousand dollars. I decided to 
 take the money and start into bus- 
 iness. Not having had a commer- 
 cial training I foolishly put all my 
 money into the venture and had 
 nothing to fall back on while get- 
 ting my experience; consequently 
 I failed and lost everything. Some 
 time after my business failure I 
 returned once more to the mines. 
 
 It was at this time that a great 
 change came over my life. I went 
 to work one evening about five 
 o'clock; at eight o'clock I was be- 
 
 27 
 
ing carried out on a stretcher. 
 While picking up some rock in the 
 bottom of the tunnel, an unex- 
 ploded blast went off under my 
 feet, tearing up several hundred 
 pounds of rock. I received such 
 a shock from the explosion that 
 I did not feel any pain at all when 
 I recovered consciousness, which 
 was very soon after the explosion. 
 I was taken to the hospital about 
 a mile away, where it was found 
 that I had received some terrible 
 injuries. I had a first-class doctor, 
 good nurses, and everything that 
 could be done was done for me. 
 
 At about 2 a. m. I once more re- 
 covered my senses ; there was still 
 no pain but I felt very small. It 
 was so quiet that I was not sure 
 whether I was alive or dead. I 
 remembered being blown up and 
 know that I had been severely 
 injured. They did not tell me that 
 I must die, but that is what they 
 were expecting me to do. Some 
 hours later I was burning up with 
 fever and frantic with thirst. I 
 asked for water but was told that 
 I must wait, as I had been under 
 
 28 
 
ether for more than three hours, 
 and \vatcr might kill me. I beg- 
 ged and begged for water. It 
 seemed as though I would rather 
 die and have done with it than to 
 endure that terrible thirst. 
 
 After some hours which seemed 
 centuries to me, I was given a few 
 drops of v/ater, which caused vio- 
 lent vomiting. After some time I 
 got so that I could keep the water 
 in my stomach and then I felt 
 easier for awhile. Although they 
 had me shot full of opium I began 
 to have pain. I must have lain in 
 a stupor until the third night 
 when it seemed to me that I was 
 dying. I could neither cry out nor 
 move hand nor foot, feeling my- 
 self sinking lower and lower, see- 
 ing all kinds of lights flashing 
 through my head. I seemed to be 
 divided trying to get back to my- 
 self. I was making a terrible 
 struggle for life. I was afraid to 
 die. I knew the things that I was 
 seeing were not tangible and that 
 I must do something at once or all 
 would be over for me. There was 
 a nerve in my brain that was 
 
 29 
 
about ready to break. At last I 
 made a sound and the nurse came 
 to the side of my bed. As soon 
 as I felt her hand there came a 
 great sense of relief. I had been 
 pulled out again just in time. I 
 told her that I was afraid, would 
 she stay with me for awhile? I 
 could move my right hand just a 
 little and would feel for the nurse's 
 hand once in awhile during the 
 rest of that night; if I touched it 
 I knew I was all right. 
 
 It was so terribly still and dark. 
 I did not ask to be allowed to see 
 for I felt my eyes were bandaged. 
 When I heard the other patients 
 stirring around I knew that morn- 
 ing had come at last, and although 
 it gave me no light, that frightful 
 silence was broken. For some 
 weeks my brain was on fire. In 
 my delirium I saw my face as raw 
 as a piece of beefsteak. It ap- 
 peared to be a mask; it could be 
 lifted and I could see my own face 
 behind it. I got the impression 
 that there had been two of us 
 blown up at the same time and 
 that the doctors were making a 
 
 30 
 
test of our eyes. They pronounced 
 mine gone but the other one could 
 see all right. So long as I was in 
 pain the conviction stayed with 
 me that there had been another 
 blown up with me and was lying 
 in the bed with me, on the left 
 hand side. That was the side that 
 was hurt the worst. I could not 
 move my left hand nor foot. I 
 also had the impression that the 
 other one had been more serious- 
 ly hurt and was suffering more 
 than I was, yet was not giving out 
 -i sound of complaint. I felt that 
 if another could stand such suffer- 
 ing without complaint, I could 
 stand it likewise and I did! 
 
 I noticed the changing of the 
 bandage on my eyes and thought 
 the nurses darkened the room, but 
 after about a month the bandage 
 was left off altogether; and still 
 there was no light! I asked the 
 doctor why I was not able to see 
 as there was no bandage over my 
 eyes. He told me that I would 
 never see again. It did not seem 
 to be much of a surprise, I had 
 been forewarned. Some time later 
 
 si 
 
I was told that I had one thumb 
 removed and my left leg laid bare 
 to the bone. It had been found 
 necessary to remove both eye- 
 balls as they had been cut by small 
 bits of rock. 
 
 Some time after I became ra- 
 tional and could get my thinking 
 apparatus to working again. I 
 realized that there was only my- 
 self that had been blown up, but 
 nevertheless here in bed with me 
 was still that something for which 
 I could not account. I knew noth- 
 ing of psychology or philosophy, 
 and had no interest in religion of 
 any kind for nearly twenty years. 
 I had never reached over to see 
 positively that there really was 
 another in the bed with me, but 
 I now knew positively that there 
 was no human being there. I did 
 not speak to anyone about it but 
 I hoped with all my heart that it 
 might go away. It had been with 
 me nearly two months, when one 
 morning on awaking I felt that it 
 was gone. What a relief that was 
 to me! My superstitious fears 
 had been frightfully aroused. The 
 
 22 
 
shock from the explosion had 
 been great enough to disorder my 
 brain and I was afraid that I 
 might be permanently unbalanced. 
 It was more than a year before I 
 could bear to have my head 
 touched. 
 
 The full horror of blindness did 
 not make itself felt for the few 
 months that I was compelled to 
 keep my bed. There was always 
 someone to feed me; to take care 
 of me; to read to and to talk to 
 me, so at that time I did not miss 
 my eyes so very badly. When I 
 was able to walk with someone to 
 help me, I was afraid to move for 
 fear of falling, and the fear in- 
 creased when I tried to walk 
 alone. There always seemed to 
 be a yawning chasm just in front 
 of me. Then it was that the full 
 realization of my helplessness was 
 forced upon me. There was long 
 mental suffering to pass through 
 which was fully as great as the 
 physical had been. I could not 
 reconcile myself to being blind; 
 life did not seem worth while! I 
 felt then that it would have been 
 
 33 
 
much better if I had died. I had 
 no hope at all for the future, but 
 to be the inmate of some blind 
 asylum. 
 
 After some months I was able 
 to take short walks from the hos- 
 pital when accompanied by some 
 one. That was a diversion. 
 
 Six months or so after I had 
 been in the hospital, I heard of an 
 embossed system of reading. 
 Through the assistance of a little 
 friend who came to see me, I was 
 enabled to learn the method in a 
 very short time, all things con- 
 sidered. 
 
 The little girl who helped me 
 to use the embossed type had long 
 been a frequenter of the hospital, 
 even before I was taken there. 
 She came to bring the patients 
 flowers gathered from the sur- 
 rounding hills. 
 
 One day when I was out on the 
 porch the nurse brought her over 
 to where I was lying, and said, 
 "Here is a little girl to see you, 
 Charley." That was the begin- 
 ning of a very agreeable acquaint- 
 ance. Many times in my darkness 
 
 34 
 
and depression she would come to 
 the hospital with flowers for me 
 and would stay and talk to me, or 
 read until I would feel a great 
 deal better. In those terrible 
 dark hours the sunshine must 
 needs be very bright to penetrate 
 the darkness that surrounded me. 
 When I was able to walk, the lit- 
 tle girl would come to take me out- 
 side the grounds, at first a short 
 distance only; but in time we had 
 long walks together. 
 
 Throughout my stay in the hos- 
 pital, the little girl came frequent- 
 ly to see me. Her visits were the 
 brightest spots of my life while 
 there. In less than a year from 
 the time I was hurt, I was reading 
 very well, which was, in a de- 
 gree, a comfort to me for I had 
 learned that I could do something, 
 even though blind. 
 
 I entered the hospital March 1st, 
 1907. After long trying to get 
 some money from the company I 
 settled with them for eleven hun- 
 dred dollars and left the place the 
 next day, the 15th of January, 
 1909. 
 
 36 
 
I went to Los Angeles but 
 found it too large a place for me. 
 I heard that Pomona, California, 
 was a little city and I might do 
 something there. I wanted to try 
 to earn my own living. At that 
 time I did not think of selling 
 newspapers. I considered start- 
 ing a little cigar stand, but there 
 seemed no place for one, so I did 
 not do that. After staying at the 
 hotel for a couple of months I 
 went to live with a family. I had 
 some diversion but very little 
 pleasure. It was always the same 
 oppressive darkness. My depres- 
 sion was very great; at times al- 
 most unendurable. I often thought 
 how much better it would be to 
 die than to live. But this was be- 
 fore I had learned the larger life 
 that turns our night of weeping 
 into the day of rejoicing. 
 
Birth of the Other Lite 
 
 CHAPTER IV . 
 
 Not long after my arrival in 
 Pomona, I met a student of science 
 and mental suggestion, and 
 through something he said, I be- 
 came interested in the subject. He 
 suggested several books that 
 would help me in the work. I 
 was able to procure the books and 
 had someone to read them to me. 
 The subject was so entirely new 
 to me that it made a very deep im- 
 pression upon my mind. In it 
 was a promise that I might re- 
 gain my sight. 
 
 That was the incentive that in- 
 duced me to throw all the strength 
 I could command into the matter. 
 It was not long before I was in 
 the midst of a new world of which 
 I had never dreamed. The power 
 of thought has an affect upon the 
 body as well as the mind, causing 
 a sense of ease or dis-ease in either 
 case, through the law of reaction, 
 according to the nature of the 
 thinking . For example, take the 
 
/ordinary events of life, we are 
 tempted to resent an injustice 
 that has been committed against 
 us. The thoughts of resentment 
 and revenge act like poison to our 
 system. But a few thoughts of 
 
 forgiveness may come into our 
 mind and counteract the ill-effects 
 of the vengeful thoughts before 
 they carry us into a state of de- 
 spair. The thoughts that we think 
 are the food of the mind. It is 
 only good thoughts that will keep 
 us healthy because the body al- 
 ways acts in sympathy with the 
 mind. 
 
 The mind, being a servant of 
 the Soul, must feed the Soul upon 
 that with which it is fed and the 
 Spirit must also share that with 
 which the mind is fed. Here we 
 are thrown back again upon the 
 power of thought. We must rec- 
 ognize the fact that our thoughts 
 make us what we are. It is no 
 wonder that life took on a new 
 and interesting aspect to me, with 
 this new field of exploration being 
 thrown open. 
 
 II 
 
At first there semed to be very 
 little change, if any, but like a 
 drowning man catching at a 
 straw, I was determined to know 
 what there was in it, or die try- 
 ing. Even though my tempta- 
 tions were many, I learned to 
 think only kind thoughts towards 
 the source cf temptation. 
 
 After six months or so of this 
 studying and putting into prac- 
 tice that which I was learning, I 
 began to feel a great change grad- 
 ually come over me. I did not 
 know what the change was going 
 to lead to and I did not care. I 
 knew that it was something new 
 in regard to the unfoldment of life. 
 It seemed to me that I might have 
 to die in order to come in touch 
 with that new state of life; how- 
 ever, I was even willing to make 
 that change, if it were necessary; 
 if it would take me into a BET- 
 TER place. I had reached the 
 point where, to grasp the truth, 
 I was willing to pay the price at 
 any cost. 
 
 39 t 
 
It was on Christmas Day that 
 the wonderful Thing happened: 
 I went to bed about ten in the 
 evening. I began to tremble; I 
 was not cold and could not make 
 out why I was trembling. Then 
 it seemed as though all the 
 thoughts that had ever passed 
 through my mind began to fall 
 from me like the stars falling out 
 of the sky and leaving nothing 
 but darkness! It seemed as 
 though I ceased to think, but yet, 
 I was conscious of all that was 
 going on. As soon as the last 
 star, or thought, had passed from 
 my mind it seemed to me that the 
 darkness was even denser than 
 blindness, but yet there was the 
 consciousness of the presence of 
 Self, although entirely helpless as 
 far as thinking or doing anything 
 was concerned, with the exception 
 of taking impressions. I had 
 nothing to do with the events 
 which followed, although I was 
 wide awake. 
 
 I got the impression of passing 
 through dark space in an upward 
 direction at a great rate of speed, 
 
 40 
 
which seemed a long time; I was 
 just beginning to wonder if there 
 was to be no end to the extreme 
 darkness. All at once, without 
 any warning, I shot out into a 
 lighted space! I felt a surprise 
 mixed with gladness and awe as 
 I got the impression, 'THIS IS 
 HEAVEN !' The light was of an 
 orange hue ; it seemed to be every- 
 where but its source was not evi- 
 dent. I had no sense of being 
 blind nor had I any recollection of 
 ever having been in that condi- 
 dition. I began to look around. 
 
 It is hard to say what I saw 
 first, for there was a great deal of 
 confusion which seemed to last 
 a long time. It seemed as though 
 the earth had been lifted up very 
 close to the large and beautiful 
 stars, so close in fact, that I could 
 almost reach out and touch them 
 with my hand. There seemed also 
 to be a great number of people 
 talking all at once, yet no one was 
 visible except myself. 
 
 After the confusion had passed, 
 perfect silence prevailed, and I 
 had a better chance to look about. 
 
 41 
 
I was standing upon the earth 
 looking out of a pair of perfect 
 eyes; but the most peculiar thing 
 about it was that I could see my 
 back as well as my face. I could 
 even see the color of my eyes. I 
 was entirely nude but had no 
 sense of being so. 
 
 As I stood looking about I did 
 not realize any sense of time or 
 space ; all seemed to be "there and 
 then". I did not think at all; it 
 seemed as though I was feeling as 
 well as seeing and hearing what 
 was taking place around me. All 
 at once I saw a new-born babe 
 sitting on the ground at my feet. 
 I looked at it very keenly and as I 
 gazed at it, its head and face as- 
 sumed the appearance of a man's, 
 with a peculiar srnile upon the 
 face. It spoke these words, 
 "YOU WERE LOOKING ALL 
 OVER FOR ME AND I WAS 
 HIDDEN WITHIN YOU." I 
 got the impression at once that 
 GOD was speaking to me. As the 
 vision began to fade away I heard 
 a voice say, "WE LOVE OUR 
 NEIGHBOR." 
 
 42 
 
I felt the full conviction that 
 life was dual in all the different 
 departments. I began to think 
 once more. I noticed that I was 
 lying in bed. The first great rush 
 of thoughts were of my unworth- 
 iness. It kept running through 
 my mind, "God has spoken even 
 to me!" It would be impossible 
 to tell how humble I felt. 
 
 The rest of the night I lay pon- 
 dering over the wonderful experi- 
 ences I had passed through. When 
 morning came I was a little sur- 
 prised to note that I could not see, 
 but was glad for the first time 
 since I became blind, that if it 
 were necessary for me to be blind 
 and yet see such wonders *s I had 
 seen, I was glad and even willing 
 to be blind. It really seemed a 
 small price to pay for the convic- 
 tion and revelation of the Divine 
 Presence. 
 
 After hearing the people stir- 
 ring about the house, I got up, 
 dressed and went into the living 
 room to wait for breakfast. When 
 it was prepared I went to the 
 table but could not eat anything. 
 
 43 
 
I asked to be excused and went 
 out and sat on the front steps in 
 the sun. I was thinking of the 
 experience of the night before, 
 with an overwhelming sense of 
 humility. Among the members of 
 the family with which I was stay- 
 ing, was a little girl three years 
 old, who, after finishing her meal, 
 came out and sat on my lap. Be- 
 fore one word had been spoken 
 my face felt as though it was 
 shining, and the fact was verified 
 by the Ittle girl exclaiming, "Oh, 
 Charley, what is the matter with 
 your face?" I asked her if any- 
 thing seemed to be the matter 
 with it and as I spoke the light 
 instantly disappeared. 
 
 The little girl wanted to lead 
 me around a great deal that day, 
 so I went with her everywhere she 
 wanted to lead me, as I felt that I 
 could not do otherwise. I could 
 not think of telling anyone what 
 I had passed through, it seemed 
 so sacred and to concern me only. 
 In my mind it was something en- 
 tirely separated from the natural 
 every-day events of life. 
 
 44 
 
After years of meditation and 
 study I have found that that which 
 I had experienced has everything 
 to do with our every day life. I 
 was really being taught of God. 
 I had no power to think while in 
 that condition. It was a state of 
 consciousness conceiving the 
 things that were later to be de- 
 sired by the intelligence. In pass- 
 ing into a strange and unknown 
 state of life one is always, at first, 
 confused. Consciousness is the 
 other hemisphere in life which 
 science does not recognize as hav- 
 ing any real share in life. The 
 nudeness of the form was con- 
 sciousness without being clothed 
 with the intelligence. It is only 
 when the natural intelligence has 
 been added to the consciousness 
 that there is an understanding of 
 what really takes place. Con- 
 sciousness separated from intelli- 
 gence does not recognize time nor 
 space, as there is nothing lacking, 
 but, on the contrary, perfect com- 
 pleteness exists. 
 
 4ft 
 
The intelligence requires time 
 and space to work out and under- 
 stand the perfection of the inner 
 life. When one recognizes the 
 duality of life one finds that there 
 is a neighbor that needs our help 
 as much as we need his. There 
 must be an entering into the con- 
 sciousness of the greater life on 
 earth. It may come to one per- 
 son in one way and to another in 
 a different way; but all I know is 
 that it came to me in the way that 
 I am trying to explain in this 
 book. 
 
 In the opening of this vision 
 there was an ascension, but be- 
 fore the ascension took place came 
 the falling away of every thought 
 pertaining to the ways of the 
 world. That was the passing 
 away of the old world and the dis- 
 covery of a new one. When this 
 old world pased away, it took with 
 it all my cares and nothing was 
 left but the gladness and joy of 
 the new. The whole aspect of life 
 has undergone a complete change. 
 All that had seemed gross and 
 useless had taken on a new value. 
 
 ! 46 
 
The days and nights fly by on 
 golden wings. The world within 
 is greater and more glorious than 
 the world without. Yet it is only 
 by our human experiences in Time 
 that the spiritual and eternal be- 
 come to us real and familiar as 
 the natural life. In sweet fellow- 
 ship with the living loving God I 
 cm glad for all, because they must 
 also, sometime and somehow, 
 come into the land of Joy and 
 Light Divine. 
 
 47 
 
Growth of the Other Life 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 On the second morning after 
 the first vision, I was sitting in 
 the living room reading one of 
 my embossed books. It was one 
 of the Books of the Bible. I was 
 just reading a passage with the 
 word Angel in it, when all of a 
 sudden without any warning, I 
 saw a vast number of figures 
 clothed in white robes, bearing 
 torches. They were descending 
 and as they drew nearer they in- 
 creased in number until the whole 
 heavens were filled with them. 
 When they came close enough I 
 could see that their feet and arms 
 were bare and that their faces 
 wore a beautiful expression. They 
 all entered into my head and in 
 an instant I saw myself standing 
 on the porch of a house facing 
 the east. I was not thinking, only 
 obeying the impulses which I re- 
 ceived, and taking impressions. I 
 could not say that I was a little 
 to the north of the door, as every- 
 
 4S 
 
thing seemed to be east; but I 
 stocTd a little to the right hand 
 side and faced it. 
 
 This time I was fully dressed, 
 even to having shoes on but no 
 hat. The light was that of the 
 day, however no sun was visible, 
 and it was not quite so bright as 
 it would have been on a clear, 
 sunshiny day, yet clear enough to 
 see things plainly. The door was 
 wide open and I was near a win- 
 dow but could not see anything 
 within the house. As I stood there 
 looking, I saw something float- 
 ing out through the door and 
 fasten itself upon the wall at my 
 side, about shoulder high. I 
 turned to see what it was. This 
 is what I saw, spelled out in large 
 gold letters, "HOLY FATHER", 
 and as I turned back to the door 
 cnce more I saw a number of very 
 aged men coming out of the 
 house; their hair and whiskers 
 were long and gray, not pure 
 white but a sprinkling of black 
 and white; there may have been 
 six or seven of them all having 
 the .same . appearance. They 
 
 49 
 
reached from the edge of the porch 
 to the door. When they were all 
 out of the house they faced me, 
 and I could see that they were 
 fully clothed even to having on 
 shoes, but they, too, were minus 
 their hats. My impression was 
 that these were the wise men, and 
 throughout the vision I had the 
 impression that God was in the 
 house. 
 
 I turned from the house to look 
 out upon a vast level plain that 
 was stretched out before me. A 
 vast multitude of people was gath- 
 ered together on this plain and 
 they were swaying to and fro in 
 a terrible struggle. The wise men 
 standing at my side, seemed to 
 tell me, without speaking, that 
 this represents a game of chess 
 and all the players are living be- 
 ings: I was impelled to want to 
 know why this terrible struggle 
 was taking place and I was made 
 to look far beyond the people. 
 Nothing was there, but I got the 
 impression of a great vacuum. 
 The vision passed from me as 
 quickly as it had come and I was 
 
 50 
 
still sitting on the chair with my 
 finger on the same word "Angel" 
 that I had been reading. 
 
 I was so filled with wonder and 
 amazement at this second great 
 experience that it was some time 
 before my thinking organs re- 
 gained their normal state. I did 
 not leave my chair, but stayed and 
 pondered many hours upon the 
 strange condition that had so filled 
 me with wonder. 
 
 Here I was again, thrown into, 
 or carried into a foreign country 
 or land, where there was a lan- 
 guage without words. It is a 
 language that must be understood 
 through the operation of the un- 
 derstanding of the form-world 
 representing the Universe of 
 Qualities. 
 
 The double meaning of life be- 
 comes more evident to me as I 
 labor with the problems that pre- 
 sent themselves. Every object 
 has a double meaning and one 
 must have a very keen discern- 
 ment to distinguish between them 
 and get their true meaning. This 
 new language (I call it the form 
 
 51 
 
language) is not for any one per- 
 son but for all humanity: this is 
 the one language cf all peoples 
 and nations. The first vision 
 shows the ascent out of darkness 
 into light. In the second vision 
 it was the light descending to dis- 
 pel the darkness below. It is a 
 GOOD thing to understand the 
 full meaning of life and so long 
 as we only understand a portion 
 there will continue to be a con- 
 sciousness of evil. The evil is the 
 vacuum or lack of understanding 
 in us that must, at last, be filled 
 with the knowledge cf all. 
 
 When we begin to recognize the 
 duality of life, there seems to be 
 two hosts at war against each 
 other in our being. For a long 
 time cne is apt to think of them 
 as the powers of good and evil, 
 but, later on, becoming more able 
 to grasp the inner meaning, it will 
 be readily understood that it is the 
 double nature of life that we are 
 struggling to understand, and we 
 must draw our strength from both 
 the Natural and the Spiritual 
 
 52 
 
sides to solve the greatest of all 
 problems, LIFE! 
 
 Life rright well be called a 
 game of chess. There are many 
 forrrs and characters brought into 
 action ; all the different characters 
 have their own way to operate or 
 move. The two players in a game 
 of chess does not mean that one is 
 evil and the other, good ; they may 
 both be good. The same power 
 is in both players, the one trying 
 to out-do the other in skill and 
 brilliancy. Two players do not 
 have to be enemies in order that 
 they may show their best skilL 
 On the contrary, it is a known fact 
 that they like each other better 
 for having put up a good game. 
 In all the Sacred Writings and in 
 many poets' works there is a con- 
 tinuous reference to these Two 
 Hosts arrayed in battle formation. 
 This is not the arraying of mor- 
 tals, against mortals, but the ar- 
 rpying of the Immortal against 
 the Immortal; God on the one 
 side and man on the other; God 
 pouring out His Spirit into Man 
 
 r.3 
 
as he is able to use it. God does 
 not put any more pressure upon 
 man than he is able to resist or 
 bear. 
 
 Life is a wonderful drama and 
 one enjoys it more and more as 
 one learns to know and under- 
 stand the different characters that 
 are brought into play from time 
 to time. These characters, as one 
 will find, are countless; but even 
 though they are without number 
 they can be known and under- 
 stood and fully appreciated. This 
 game of life is not something to 
 be enjoyed for an hour or a day, 
 because it is for ever going on; 
 but the participants on both sides 
 must be understood before the 
 game can be full appreciated. Life 
 is character and character is 
 destiny. It was predestined at the 
 beginning what the order of the 
 creation should be. There was 
 nothing left to chance or accident, 
 although from the appearance the 
 design may be taken for the crea- 
 tion. 
 
 54 
 
There must be different forms 
 to represent the different char- 
 acters that are brought into ac- 
 tion. All the great poets, artists, 
 sculptors, playwrights, musicians, 
 etc., have glimpsed this dual life 
 to a greater or lesser degree. It is 
 a great game to gain supremacy 
 over the grosser or partial states 
 that appear as life. When the 
 form is taken for the character 
 that it represents, life continues to 
 appear gross and in a state of dis- 
 ease, which must continue until 
 the full meaning of life has been 
 revealed and understood from the 
 dual standpoint : The beast, birds, 
 fish, etc., cannot understand this 
 great game of life; and it is only 
 when humanity has learned to 
 know and understand the true 
 character of life, that they will 
 have gained the dominion over the 
 beasts, and in fact over all animal 
 life. 
 
 There must be much patient toil 
 and humble searching to under- 
 stand this language, without 
 words, and yet there is always a 
 sense of pleasure at each new dis- 
 
 55 
 
covcry that is made from day to 
 day. It never becomes monoton- 
 ous nor tiresome, as it keeps one 
 for ever on tiptoe of expectancy. 
 
 The true characters in the great 
 drama of life are clamoring to be 
 understood as our poor power is 
 clamoring to understand them; 
 yet with the din and confusion 
 which presents itself at the first 
 awakening of the duality of life 
 operating in us, it is very discour- 
 aging, and that is the time of the 
 greatest temptation of our life. 
 We are tempted to turn back, but 
 it is said of those who turn back, 
 that their condition will then be 
 worse than before. 
 
 The longer one plays at the 
 game of life the better one be- 
 comes acquainted with one's an- 
 tagonist through the exercise of 
 the characters that are brought 
 into service. As one gets better 
 acquainted with the form lan- 
 guage and can tell what character 
 is going to be brought into play 
 by the form that appears, one 
 knows how to resist it. It is 
 through resistance that we learn 
 
 B 
 
to develop our faculties to the 
 highest degree. 
 
 It is sa?d we are not to resist 
 evil, but it does not say that we 
 are not to resist good ; it is only 
 by such resistance and striving to 
 overcome the good, that at last we 
 are overcome by the good and 
 then it is we have no sense of 
 evil. One's love and admiration 
 become very great for one's an- 
 tagonist as one gets deeper into 
 the game and the veil which di- 
 vides the players becomes thinner. 
 As soon as man is able to play the 
 game with the same understand- 
 ing that God is playing it, the veil 
 will be rent and the mystery of 
 life will be solved. 
 
 In the first vision it was a mere 
 game of hide and seek; a child's 
 game. That is our first entrance 
 into the game to seek and find out 
 the meaning of life ; while the sec- 
 ond vision shows man, becoming 
 conscious of the life of God pass- 
 ing over into his being; and this 
 is compared to a game of chess. It 
 is no longer a child's game but 
 requires a very highly developed 
 
 57 
 
intelligence to play it with skill, 
 and one must watch the moves of 
 his antagonist with the greatest 
 care so as to know how to move 
 to the best advantage. 
 
 The point of supreme import- 
 ance is to learn to be very quiet 
 and watchful at the play of the 
 Divine Consciousness in our con- 
 sciousness, so as to grasp the Di- 
 vine Intent and, at the same time, 
 fearlessly receptive of the opera- 
 tion. This receptivity will fit us 
 to make the next move before us 
 in our natural lives wherein we 
 are not to become God but like 
 unto Gcd. 
 
Full Growth of the Other Life 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Just three days after I had the 
 first vision, (almost to the very 
 hour) as I was going to bed on 
 the evening of the 28th, I had just 
 gotten into bed when I was trans- 
 ported, or found myself walking 
 out of a cloud into a lighted space. 
 It was the pinnacle of a mountain 
 with a cloud hanging down to the 
 ground and all the way around 
 the top, with only a small lighted 
 space at the very top. As I step- 
 ped out of the cloud into the 
 lighted space I saw my own form 
 standing at the top of the mound 
 in the center of the lighted space. 
 My first impression was of won- 
 der and amazement, and as I 
 looked, the impression came over 
 me that it was God who stood be- 
 fore me clothed in my own form. 
 At that I fell with my face to the 
 ground to do reverence to my 
 God! Instantly, so quickly that 
 it was not perceptible, I was 
 lifted into a seat in 'the -cloud 
 
 59 
 
somewhat above the top of the 
 mound : and as socn as I saw that 
 I was above the other figure I 
 quickly jumped down, and started 
 to walk down the side of the 
 mound, with the feeling that I 
 would take the lower place; but 
 as I went down I found myself at 
 the top and it was the other form 
 that was going down. The change 
 had been quicker than thought. 
 Then again the change was made 
 and the other was at the top of 
 the mound with the right arm ex- 
 tended; I walked up and stood at 
 the right hand side of the ether 
 figure, and as I did, I got the 
 impression, "WHERE THERE 
 IS PERFECT EQUALITY 
 THERE IS NO CONTEN- 
 TION," then the two forms 
 merged into one and I stood alone 
 and as the vision faded I got the 
 impression of unfinished labor. 
 
 Even though I had two previ- 
 ous visions I was as much awe- 
 struck at this one as I had been at 
 each of the other two. I noticed 
 in this vision, as I did in the two 
 others, that I always appeared the 
 
 60 
 
same in the face as I had looked 
 about thirty years of age. The 
 face was clean shaven and always 
 had the same calm unchanging 
 aspect. 
 
 During the time I was having 
 the visions, I slept very little and 
 for some time after, my sleep was 
 only for a few hours at a time 
 and then it was mostly in the day 
 time. For a number of days (I 
 cannot say how many) I felt a pe- 
 culiar sensation. It seemed as if 
 I were a scroll that was being un- 
 rolled and many new and wonder 
 things were being revealed to me, 
 which were written on the scroll. 
 
 The things with which I was 
 especially impressed did not seem 
 to have anything in common with 
 what was goin on in the world, 
 and at first I told no one what I 
 had experienced; but later I gave 
 a few sketches of my experience 
 to several people. Some said that 
 I was dreaming; others, that I 
 must have imagined them; but 
 there was none who saw any 
 value in the things of which I 
 spake. 
 
 61 
 
One of the impressions that I 
 received during this period was, 
 that the human body was a min- 
 iature representation of the Uni- 
 verse. Every organ and bone 
 must be in its proper place, in 
 order that the whole system 
 should work in harmony; how- 
 ever, at that time I did not see 
 where there was any connection 
 between the human body and the 
 visions which I had seen. I also 
 got the impression that there were 
 seven senses, and that the sixth 
 was the sense of understanding 
 and the seventh, the sense of wis- 
 dom. 
 
 At that time I received a vast 
 number of other impressions, but 
 they all seemed so strange and 
 new to me that I did not know 
 what to do with them or how to 
 use them. I was reading portions 
 of the Bible every day and it was 
 not so very long before I could 
 discern the difference between a 
 promise and its fulfilment. The 
 visions I had were a promise of 
 the ways and means to an end, 
 but not the end itself. I kept on 
 
 62 
 
reading the Bible and had a num- 
 ber of other books read to me, as 
 I was eager to find some book 
 that might help me to clear up 
 the mystery. I felt very much 
 alone in the world having no one 
 with whom I could talk over these 
 wonderful things. I kept on lab- 
 oring and praying, even weeping 
 in times of despair. It did not 
 seem possible that I could ever 
 clear away the dense cloud that 
 hung over me. 
 
 One day about two years after I 
 had the visions, I heard of a book 
 called "The Unsealed Bible" writ- 
 ten by George Chainey, of Bur- 
 nett, California. On procuring the 
 book and having some of it read 
 to me, I knew it was going to be 
 the very help I needed. It has 
 helped me greatly to get my scat- 
 tered ideas grouped together. For 
 a long time the visions that were 
 so close to me at first, gradually 
 receded until they almast seemed 
 in vain ; but after a few years they 
 drew closer again, and as they did 
 so they revealed their true mean- 
 ing by gradual unfoldment We 
 
know that a problem or subject 
 that is not understood is clouded, 
 but it soon clears up if the under- 
 standing is powerful enough to 
 pierce it. 
 
 Man's understanding of life 
 must be lifted up until it is equal 
 to meet and solve every problem. 
 So long as some things are high 
 and others low, there can never be 
 equality. We read that we are 
 not to have any unequal weights 
 or measures in our household. 
 Our household consists of the dif- 
 ferent qualities of character and 
 we must learn to give them equal 
 place and value in our thoughts 
 and affections. When the truth 
 of life is fully manifested in Man, 
 his understanding will be godly 
 or like unto God's. Our love will 
 be impartial and equal when the 
 true character of love is revealed 
 in us. When man's knowledge of 
 God is complete through obedi- 
 ence thereto, life within and with- 
 out will be one and yet two, and 
 action and reaction will be in per- 
 fect balance. 
 
 4 
 
Although man gains all his 
 knowledge and understanding of 
 life, partial and fragmentary, 
 there is no condemnation for this, 
 as it is only when there is no 
 further growth nor development 
 that disease and decay set in. So 
 long as there is growth, there is 
 health. Progress is the watch- 
 word in the order of the creation 
 of Man in the image and likeness 
 of God, and there is nothing that 
 can stand in the way of this 
 mighty chariot. It is ever going 
 forward with undiminished speed. 
 
 For example: A man has a 
 piece of ground one hundred feet 
 square; he wants to erect a ten- 
 story building on that site. He 
 first goes to an architect and 
 builder and gives him a general 
 idea of what he wants. The archi- 
 tect draws a design of the struc- 
 ture, and he specifies how strong 
 and secure the foundation must be 
 to support the building; showing 
 what class of material must be 
 used; also, how much material of 
 each kind is required. He finds 
 out the cost of the material and 
 
 5 
 
knows how much each workman 
 can do in a day. He knows what 
 each workman will have to be 
 paid for his labor ; and in that way 
 the architect will know what it 
 will cost to finish the structure, 
 even though the structure itself 
 has not been begun. There must 
 be a great variety of workmen em- 
 ployed ; masons, stone-cutters, 
 carpenters, metal workers, glaz- 
 iers, plumbers, etc. These men 
 all work together as one. 
 
 The architect knows just how 
 long it will take to complete the 
 structure when he has all the ma- 
 terial at hand and has all the 
 laborers that he can use; but the 
 workmen do not know when it 
 will be finished, but they keep on 
 faithfully working until the end. 
 Then, even the workmen feel a cer- 
 tain pride in the beauty and com- 
 pleteness of the finished structure. 
 The designer and builder could 
 not erect the building without the 
 laborers and the laborers could 
 not erect it without the architect 
 and builder. 
 
 6G 
 
Here we find the law is equa- 
 lized be tween the designers and 
 the laborers. The same law ap- 
 plies to the creation of Man in the 
 image and likeness of God; God 
 is the Designer and Master Build- 
 er; the Substance to be used are 
 the Character and Substance of 
 the Life of God. Man's under- 
 standing must be lifted up until it 
 is like unto God's in order that 
 man may know what is the full 
 and complete design of life. 
 
 When the design of life is re- 
 vealed the design is inevitably, at 
 first, taken for the creation; and 
 many claim such perfection while 
 the material for the creation is in 
 a chaotic condition; but after a 
 time of temporary rest there is an 
 awakening to the fact that it was 
 only the design of the creation 
 that was seen, but there is a con- 
 viction that there will be nothing 
 lacking in the final result with 
 God's co-operation. This is Man 
 entering into God and finding 
 that to be his true home, is also 
 to lose oneself in God. 
 
 67 
 
There must be also a house for 
 God to dwell in, which is the real 
 creation after the order of the de- 
 sign. There must be a descent 
 from lofty heights to earth that 
 the life of God, which is called 
 Christ, may be built up within, 
 through the perfect understand- 
 ing, which is called Jesus, which 
 is also called the only begotten of 
 the Father. The building up of 
 Christ within, every bone to his 
 bone, clearly denotes that God is 
 not revealed all at once but must 
 be built up by degrees; and the 
 understanding is called the car- 
 penter and also the master-builder 
 who is equal to God in under- 
 standing. 
 
 God dwells in man when all the 
 attributes of God have passed over 
 into man and brought chaos into 
 harmony. Each attribute must 
 be brought to rest in its proper 
 place, so that Man may give ex- 
 pression to the life and character 
 of God as God gives expression to 
 the life and character of man. If 
 man had been created as a design 
 and had taken no part in the cre- 
 
 G8 
 
ation, he would have been ready- 
 made like a doll; something to 
 give joy for a time ; to be wearied 
 of soon, as there could not be the 
 reciprocal love that makes all 
 things equal. If man had not 
 shared in the pain and trial of the 
 creation he could not have shared 
 in the glory of the creation. Man 
 is to find peace and rest in God 
 when God finds peace and rest in 
 Man. 
 
 The house of God is called 
 "Habitation of Peace". Finding 
 the habitation of peace on earth is 
 an individual work, and the full 
 joy of it cannot be shared with 
 one who has not found it. 
 
 Soon after having these visions 
 the conviction was forced upon 
 me that the night was to be 
 turned into day and the day into 
 night. At that time it seemed 
 quite impossible that such a thing 
 could be done ; but later it was re- 
 vealed to me how it was to be ac- 
 complished. When awake the in- 
 telligence is active, that is called 
 the day; and when we are asleep 
 the natural intelligence is inac- 
 
 69 
 
tive; we do not think or cognize 
 what is going on around us, yet 
 there are times of dream, general- 
 ly of something we had not been 
 thinking about. Sleep is a state 
 of consciousness : a time when one 
 is receptive to the Divine Activ- 
 ity; when the human becomes 
 passive the Divine becomes ac- 
 tive; these are the positive and 
 the negative. The Divine Intelli- 
 gence being the greater light, 
 turns the night into the day and 
 the day into night. Of man made 
 whole and complete a Holy City 
 or Habitation of God it is 
 written: "And there shall be no 
 night there." 
 
Peace and Rest 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 When one has an enormous 
 task to perform, there will be a 
 long period of worry on account 
 of the uncertainty of its accom- 
 plishment; but when the ways 
 and means have been opened and 
 there is no further doubt as to its 
 accomplishment, there comes a 
 sense of rest, although the task it- 
 self is yet to be performed. 
 
 Some perform a task because 
 they feel it their duty to do it, al- 
 though its performance may be 
 distasteful: To perform a task 
 under the compulsion of duty 
 does not bring complete peace to 
 the doer. To bring perfect peace 
 there must be a willingness to per- 
 form its task for its own sake; 
 when this is the case there is no 
 thought of reward, and if there is 
 no reward there is no disappoint- 
 ment. This is a free-will offer- 
 Ing and peace must result from 
 the sacrifice made. The most 
 blesed offering that the human 
 
 7.1 
 
can offer on the altar of justice is 
 to do right ; to do right is to make 
 right division between the human 
 and the Divine. There must be 
 nothing claimed for the human 
 that belongs to the Divine; and 
 there must not be given to the Di- 
 vine that which belongs to the 
 human. For a long time, this is 
 sought out by labor and love 
 alone, but later, the illumination 
 comes with its great flood of light 
 and all is made clear. 
 
 The human body has many 
 parts and each part has its own 
 work to perform; each part must 
 be understood separately, yet 
 there is but one body. To make 
 right division of the body does 
 not mean that it is to be dissected, 
 but to know the name of each part 
 and its function in the whole. 
 There are the hands, the arms, the 
 shoulders, the head, the neck, the 
 back, the feet, etc., all spoken of 
 and thought of separately, but 
 there is no real division of the 
 body. 
 
 The same law applies to the 
 character of life as a whole. Each 
 
 72 
 
phase of character and its func- 
 tion must be understood separate- 
 ly, that all may be understood to- 
 gether. 
 
 Mr. Chainey, in one of his 
 books, gives a beautiful description 
 of the Tree of Life and its twelve 
 manner of fruits. First is the di- 
 vision of spirit, body, soul and 
 mind. The Spirit is the root; the 
 Mind is the stem ; the Body is the 
 branches and the Soul is the 
 leaves and fruit. He also gives 
 the twelve manner of fruits as 
 Law, Truth, Love, Obedience, 
 Prayer, Discernment, Sight, Hear- 
 ing, Touch, Desire, Labor and Il- 
 lumination. When the student 
 takes up the task of solving the 
 mystery of life, desire for knowl- 
 edge will be the first seed that 
 will take root. 
 
 There must be a desire for the 
 spiritual life before there can be 
 any permanent growth. Like the 
 root it must grow in the dark, 
 seeking for the waters of con- 
 sciousness to renew its vitality. 
 All the ether fruits or phases of 
 character must take the same 
 
course, for there must first be a 
 root before there is a stem. 
 
 When the root is established, 
 there is a pressing upwards to- 
 wards the light; this is the oper- 
 ation of the intelligence in the 
 Mind. The Mind, through the op- 
 eration of the intelligence, be- 
 comes very strong and powerful; 
 the branches are thrown out in 
 every direction. The body must 
 have the vitalizing influence of 
 the spirit and mind in order to 
 bear the everlasting fruit of the 
 soul. 
 
 It is the leaves of this Tree of 
 Life that is for the healing of the 
 nations. The nations are the dif- 
 ferent degrees of development 
 that take place before the whole 
 meaning of existence has been re- 
 vealed. These must die in their 
 partiality to make room for the 
 whole expression of life. 
 
 It is said there is no salvation 
 by the law ; that to know the Law, 
 does not save. The Law must be 
 associated with Truth and all the 
 other qualities of life; through 
 that means the Law is saved. 
 
Truth must be associated with 
 Law and all the other qualities of 
 character to be saved from itself* 
 
 There are many things about 
 life that seem to be true, which on 
 further investiagtion prove to be 
 only partially true. They are true 
 so far as they go, but if they are 
 not lived up to, they are not true 
 according to the Law. It is un- 
 lawful for one to know the Truth 
 and not to live it. Although Love 
 is a mighty agency in the work of 
 creation, it becomes unlawful 
 when we let it fill our being to the 
 neglect and ignorance of the other 
 values of which life is composed. 
 Just to live and to love does not 
 solve the problem of life. 
 
 All the separate qualities of 
 character must be evolved through 
 each of the others, so that each is 
 found in all and all is found in 
 each. That is what is really 
 known as the evolution of life. 
 To become conscious of the value 
 of these things, they must be 
 brought into actual service until 
 they become the fruit of the Body, 
 Mind and Spirit as well as the 
 
 75 
 
fruit of the Soul. 
 
 The things that Man can do fct 
 himself are the things that Man 
 mist do for himself. The things 
 that Man cannot do for himself 
 God will do for him, and it will be 
 done quickly. Life is not some- 
 thing to be destroyed but rather 
 something to be enjoyed. The 
 reason it is not fully enjoyed is 
 because it is not understood that 
 all life is composed of the Sub- 
 stance of God and is, therefore, in- 
 destructible. Merely taking this 
 as a scientific fact does not bring 
 the lasting peace. Although it 
 may bring temporary rest, it is 
 only when the body is conscious 
 of the Spirit's life, through Sight, 
 Hearing and Touch, that there 
 come the peace and rest that noth- 
 ing can disturb, and the joyous 
 conviction that all is well. 
 
 Humanity has learned the law 
 of self-preservation ; that is also a 
 Divine law, and in it none of the 
 values of life are wasted or lost, 
 when man's efforts have been 
 crowned with God's giving, there 
 is nothing held back. It is the 
 
whole life cf God given into Man's 
 keeping, called "ruling with God", 
 but before this takes place Man 
 must learn to rule himself. To 
 condemn another is to show lack 
 of self-rule, for by the law of re- 
 action your condemnation is of 
 yourself. The salvation that is 
 for one, must of necessity include 
 all, as all life is of one substance. 
 
 God is the Unmanifest and can 
 only be known and understood as 
 It is brought into manifestation. 
 It is the Manifestation of God 
 that is the Man in the image and 
 likeness of God. 
 
 A couple of years or so after 
 having those visions, I was com- 
 pelled to find some means of sup- 
 port or to go to the State Institute 
 for the Blind. It did not appeal 
 to me to be confined in a home for 
 the blind, so I took up newspaper 
 vending for a living. I found af- 
 ter I became accustomed to the 
 work, that it was a great relief to 
 me. It not only settled the ques- 
 tion of ways and means of obtain- 
 ing food and clothing, but also 
 gave me a change. Too much 
 mental labor without physical 
 
 77 
 
labor, becomes very fatiguing, as 
 well as too much physical labor 
 becomes fatiguing without mental 
 labor. It is only when physical 
 labor reveals its spiritual side, and 
 mental labor reveals its moral side 
 that there is equality in labor, and 
 it ceases to be fatiguing. When 
 the supply is equal to the demand 
 there is no sense of weariness, 
 even though the exertion is very 
 great and fought with much dif- 
 ficulty. It is the extremes and ex- 
 cesses that weary the laborer. 
 When one is able to divide one's 
 labor to the equal good of all the 
 values of life, there will be no 
 further sense of fatigue, as there 
 will be no further cause for com- 
 plaint. 
 
 The Mind may be content when 
 the knowledge of life is gained, 
 but the Soul complains until that 
 which is known to be right has 
 been done. The reward of an 
 achievement is not gained through 
 the knowledge of it but in the do- 
 ing. To know a thing may be to 
 talk of it, but the doing of a deed 
 will speak louder than words. 
 
 78 
 
The reascn for the great mys- 
 tery of life, is that the darkness 
 has been taken for the light, while 
 the light has been rejected and 
 shunned because of its dark and 
 mysterious aspect; for that rea- 
 son humanity has taken the prom- 
 ise for the fulfilment. Humanity 
 claims the creation to be finished, 
 whereas, God's promise is that 
 Man, when created, is to have the 
 image and likeness of God. There- 
 fore, through the unfoldment of 
 the double life, there is full and 
 complete compensation for all that 
 is lost or lacking in the Natural. 
 
 God says He will pursue wick- 
 edness and that means one sided- 
 ness until there shall be none. If 
 He cannot win us by attraction 
 He will gain all at last by the re- 
 fining sufferings that wait upon 
 every wrong way. All must ar- 
 rive. The Almighty Will has pre- 
 determined every element that 
 must at last, by many means, be 
 incorporated into the perfected 
 life of Humanity. Then life will 
 be equal on every side, and this is 
 the only meaning of The Holy 
 
 79 
 
City, the chosen Habitation of 
 God; man living in God by the 
 beauty and completeness cf his 
 love and service for Each in All 
 and All in Each, and God made 
 visible in all this glorious beauty 
 of Universal Love and Service. 
 
 The End. 
 
 80 
 

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