THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES GIFT OF MR. AND MHS. ALFRED R. GIFFIM "PIKE'S PEAK OR BUST" or THE POSSIBILITIES OF THE WILL BY D. V. BUSH is "A BACKBONE BUILDER" YOU CAN SUCCEED. Every person can excell in some kind of work have you found your work? Let "Pike's Peak or Bust" help you. THE WORKS OF D. V. BUSH Tike's Peak or Bust," or The Possibilities of the Will. Soul Poems and Other Verse. Inspirational Poems. Peace Poems and Sausages. Just Light Stuff in Verse. "Humorous Verse on Current Events and Other Things" is a monthly periodical a get-up and take-off in verse. David V. Bush. Peace Poems and Sausages By DAVID V. BUSH Author of "Pikes Peak or Bust" '/ am in favor of world-wide Peace, Spread this idea and war will cease. Copyright, 1915, by DAVID V. BUSH. Copyright, 1916, by DAVID V. BUSH. PS 3^03 TO MY MOTHER Without whose determined efforts, unflagging zeal and inspiring exam ple, my 'Tike's Peak" of life could not have been attained this book is lovingly dedicated. 691952 PREFACE Because this is the golden time of all ages to create a world wide peace sentiment, the author wrote a few "Peace Poems," feeling he would like to do his mite in furthering the great Peace movement. The little edition created interest and comment such as the following: "We have both read them thru a number of times and think they are the best 'editorial' we have read on the war." Another referring to "The Profanity of War": * * "It strikes me as written by a man who has been to hell and back again." Another: "They speak of a spirit that leads. Keep up the good work." Actuated by the desire to serve mankind, no matter how small the service (for the one-talent man is just as responsible for his efforts as the five) and encouraged by such comment as above, I decided to add more Peace Poems and others with a few "Sau sages" and send forth this volume to the pub lic with the hope that International Peace will be a reality in this generation. If some one is helped to see the "light"; if a smile is smiled or a soul encouraged I shall feel that my efforts shall not have been in vain. DAVID V. BUSH. PREFACE TO SECOND EDITION The first edition of "Peace Poems and Sausages" had more errors than my most severe critic could have wished for; more mistakes than my most deadly enemy could have prayed for; but a greater sale than the most sanguine could have expected. Hence, this edition goes to the public with many errors corrected, many mistakes doctored, but by no means perfect, either in construction thought or rhythm; but with enough sweat of blood together with the great joy that comes with restful toil to make the his tory of verse writing much more interesting than fairy tales. When the Great War broke out I saw a chance to strike a blow tho feeble, the best I could at the greatest curse War that has ever clutched man in its foul grasp, saving superstitution. The "blow" might have been struck with softer language, better rhythm, and neater style had I waited another decade; but we must interweave idealism with the practical, if we expect to reach that goal ahead which the All Wise One has staked out for all of us. My ideals were buried when "Peace Poems and Sausages" went to the public but I think no harm was done thru the hibernation. The success of the first edition will develop my idealism rather than retard it. I shall always strike at War, but I sincerely hope that long before my pen shall have ceased to write, Peace will have come to stay forever. D. V. BUSH. "And they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks ; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more." Issaiah 2:6-. AMERICA'S PRAYER God of our fathers who fought for aye And gave us freedom here; Make us so strong in faith of peace There'll be no war to fear. I PRINTING SIOUX FALLS. 3. O. TABLE OF CONTENTS WOMEN AND WAR AND OTHERS: Breed Before You Die 52 Why Give Birth to Men 55 The Women Pay The Price 56 Raise Babies To Kill 60 The Christ Is Near 62 Soul Language 64 Her Boy and War 65 When Will The Soldiers Strike? 68 To Canada 70 The War Lord's Judgment 71 Departing Glory 72 Women on The War Path 73 Has Christianity Failed? 75 My Pledge 77 Benediction 78 America's Prayer 12 PEACE POEMS (See Women and War) : Belgium Has Covered Herself With Glory 50 The Handwriting On The Wall 18 Hell's Turned Loose 20 Burning The Dead 23 If Not Burned They Stink 24 Everybody Rooting For Uncle Sam 26 The Light 27 The Dying Soldier 29 It Sickens Us 31 Little Belgium Don't You Cry 32 The Profanity of War 36 Business Men Awake 38 The Bravery of Germans 40 War and Dueling Mr. Muling 42 Sink To Death But Be Cool 43 14 TABLE OF CONTENTS Down with the War Lords 44 The Belgian Bread Line 46 I Live For King and Fatherland 47 Peace Reformers 49 The End International Courts 17 INSPIRATIONAL POEMS: The Successful Man 85 There's No Such Thing as Failure 87 Please Don't Stop Kickin' My Name Around . . 88 Don't Lose Your Goat 90 I Will 92 Never Mind The Knocker 93 Never Say Die 95 Life's Gethsemane ' 97 The Mother Heart 98 You Can't Keep a Good Man Down 99 The Man Who Comes Back 100 The Way to Win 101 Where There's a Will There's a Way 103 The Man Who's Afraid of The Cars 104 Handicapped For Life 105 Peace Reformers 49 My Daughter, My Little Maxine 81 SOCIAL POEMS AND OTHERS: Woman Suffrage Beaten But Not Defeated . . 1 1 1 She Lives on Six Dollars a Week 109 Gossip 114 Babies and Hogs 116 No Babies Wanted in This Flat 118 King Alcohol Bows to Suffragettes 119 Good Roads 122 Wilson's Watchful Waiting 124 TABLE, OF CONTENTS 15 Aberdeen 126 Our Boy Goes On Ahead 127 Capital Punishment 129 Ode To a Landmark 131 It's You 132 SAUSAGES: Life Is What We Make It 135 Why My Wife Left Me 137 Why I Am Single 139 Suppose 141 The High Cost of Living 143 What a Wife Should Expect From Her Husband 144 What a Man Should Expect From His Wife .... 146 What's Wrong With Matrimony 147 Catching a Morning Train 148 The Talkative Man 150 The Talkative Woman 152 How to Fight Mosquitoes 154 A Skylark's Ode to the Ford 155 Ode to a Powder Rag 156 Easter 158 Remaking Myself 159 Determinnayshun 160 PEACE POEMS 17 THE END INTERNATIONAL COURTS When this war is over believe me my friend 'Tis the bloodiest of any age; We're heartsick and faint from blood and its taint, We'll make a cleaner page. And that page will teach believe me my friend That peace is far better than war; And, affirming for peace, all wars then will cease, And we'll settle disputes at the bar. When this war is over believe me my friend Little need for navies and forts; For bankrupt and heartsick man's torn to the quick We'll be glad to have treaties and courts. When this war is over believe me my friend Our minds on peace and its fruits Will be established for aye, and no one will say There is glory in soldiers and suits. When this war is over believe me my friend We've had so much horror and fright So much to disgust, we'll be glad to be just, Love others refrain from all fight. When this war is over believe me my friend Let's go for commerce and art; Cease battlefields gory and war lies so hoary And for peace, let's all do our part. 1 8 PEACE POEMS THE HAND WRITING ON THE WALL "Weighed in the balance and found want ing." That was written long ago. Now we see the same repeated ; warring lords are bound to go. They've ruled too long the "common people," but now their thrones shall fall, For this European war is their hand writing on the wall. Business men, tradesmen, men of rank and file, Had thought on peace, had talked of peace, fact peace was quite the style, When all at once the monarchs quarrelled; but now their thrones shall fall, For this European war is their hand writing on the wall. If we talk peace, that's what we'll have; if war, that's what we get. The lords had talked of war; oh war their minds were set, They talked war while men talked peace, but now their thrones shall fall, For this European war is their hand writing on the wall. HAND WRITING ON THE WALL 19 We'll not think war, we will think peace. Peace is what we want, And when the common man says "Peace", to the war lords its "Avaunt". So pack your duds and start to go, ye war lords one and all, For this European war is your hand writing on the wall. Now we're talking brotherhood, just that and not the axe. We are thru with you, we are thru with war, with war and its dire tax. So pack your trunk and say goodbye, ye war lords great and small, For this European war is your hand writing on the wall. 20 PEACE POEMS HELL'S TURNED LOOSE "Heavy fighting all along the way; No advance yet gained." But say, The "digging in," the Krupp guns Beat the world for killing sons Of mothers true who give their lives The burdens great, of suffering wives ! "Heavy fighting all along the way; No advance yet gained". But say, "Hell's turned loose!" say saint and rabble, "With war lords leading in the saddle." "Heavy fighting all along the way; No decisive battle won." But say, The soldiers slain and money spent At beck and call of war lords lent Ruling lords by "right Divine" Homes are wrecked and children pine For fathers, sons and husbands slain Those loved who will not come again. "Heavy fighting all along the way; No decisive battle won." But say, "Hell's turned loose" cry saint and rabble, "With war lords leading in the saddle." HELL'S TURNED LOOSE 2 1 "Heavy fighting all along the way; No victory that counts." But say, The slaughtered men, the stench of blood, The smell of smoke, the cries to God; Fields a-famine, the carnage rank As seething hell a butcher's tank The bodies burned, and carcasses stiff; Dismembered arms, and souls adrift; The broken legs, the shattered jaws; The mangled forms God's broken laws Gun's shrieking crack, while cannon's roar And hiss: "Our men will come no more." Shrapnel screeching; fire and pillage; All homes are gone in town and village. Stinking dead on the firing line; Butchered sons on sands so fine; Husbands shot and blown to pieces; Among nations prosperity ceases. "Heavy fighting all along the way; No victory that counts." But say, "Hell's turned loose" cry saint and rabble, "With war lords leading in the saddle." "Heavy fighting all along the way; No vantage point gained." But say, The devil dances, smirks and fiddles While hell fights hell; this war hell riddles Man and beast, church and school, And laughs at thought that "Peace can rule." "Heavy fighting all along the way; No vantage point gained," But say, "Hell's turned loose" cry saint and rabble, "With war lords leading in the saddle." 22 PEACE POEMS Why not put Christ into the saddle? The Christ who loves both saint and rabble, The Christ who gave His life for man; The Christ who'll teach us that we can Love our enemy as well as friend, Our neighbors as ourselves; and then There'll be no cry of saint and rabble That "hell's turned loose and rides the saddle." BURNING THE DEAD ("The bodies are burned promptly in spe cial furnaces erected just outside of Brus sels." News item of the great war.) "BLUR; SWISH; CLANG; BANG!" As we neared the huge human urn, That's how the furnace sang As they threw the bodies to burn. "BLUR; SWISH; CLANG; BANG! Swish; clang; siz; burn!" 'Tis one continuous jam, As they fill this pitiless urn. "Blur; swish; clang; bang!" As we neared the huge human urn, That's how the furnace sang As they threw the bodies to burn. 24 PEACE POEMS IF NOT BURNED THEY STINK "Trains which we call cemetery trains, full of piled up dead soldiers, continue to arrive from the front. They contain bundles of dead; that is, four bodies tied together to fa cilitate transportation. The bodies are burn ed promptly in special furnaces erected just outside of Brussels." News item of the great war. Stink! Stink! ye noble braves, Ye'll all be burned tonight; Ye fell in the fight; now feed burning staves ; With no time for a funeral rite. Stink! Stink! ye who were men, You've been shot and dead too long To have any care or thought but when Can we burn you burn without song. Stink! Stink! ye bundles of dead; Too many to burn right away; We tie you in bundles (no funeral rite said) And throw you to burn as if hay. Stink! Stink! ye that were song; Stink on four tied in a pack You've been food for bullets, food for guns, You've gone where there's no coming back IF NOT BURNED THEY STINK 25 Save tied together in bundles like this. Ye who were men and could think Are carrion rot where bullets hiss And other brave men do stink. Stink! Stink! ye brawny sons; Stink on in bundles of four! Stink! Stink ye noble ones, Stink! 'tis man's bloody gore. That's your reward for e'er being born, Stink! until you burn! Our souls aghast; our heart strings torn As we think of the field and this urn! Stink! Stink! that's what you're for; (That's how the "war devils" feel;) Die and stink; the result of war. Man's under the war lord's heel. When in peace will we learn to be? No fighting or shelling or forts? When men become wise, O don't you see, And settle disputes in the courts. 26 PEACE POEMS EVERYBODY ROOTING FOR UNCLE SAM "Everybody rooting for Uncle Sam!" He's worth the root and all of that, So root on, sons of Cain and Ham, He's worth the root, you bet your hat! Everybody rooting for peaceful Uncle, He keeps his head, stays on the job, He sues for peace, knows no rumple We cannot stop our own Nabob. Everybody rooting for Uncle Sam. Root on, yea root while he keeps peace ; Then we'll see other nations can Follow suit, and make wars cease. So here's three cheers for Uncle Sam! Three cheers for Sam and three for peace! The world "thru hell" sees he's the man Who leads the way to make wars cease. PEACE POEMS 27 THE LIGHT "Civilization has gone to smash; And Christian ethics dead; The arts and trades are likewise gone" The vile result of lead. The race of man; his high pursuits Will plod on thru the night; For friends of man and foes of kings, Methinks I see a light! But for a time the soul is shocked; And man's lost out don't fear From all this blood and bullets thick, We'll learn a lesson clear. I see the end of shot and shell, And fields with dreadful sight; I see a solid race of men Thru clouds there is a light. The Light is this O sons of God Tho dark may be the night, The time will come when war will end, And man no more will fight. It's dark just now it always is Before the break of dawn But light will come, and war will go, The lords are now in pawn. 28 PEACE POEMS Civilization and all things good They are not gone to smash ; Our eyes are blinded for the time And now see but the gash. But soon the smoke will blow away Though shattered and besmirched, We'll see another race come on A brotherhood emerge. Dark is the way, as we see the way Just now, my son of man; Light is the path we see beyond; God'll end what He began. Soon will plowshares and pruning hooks From swords and spears be made; When this dark night with all its clouds Shall from our vision fade. And then the Light Lo ! what a Light To think all wars shall cease ! The light I see thru this dark day Is brotherhood and peace. PEACE POEMS 29 THE DYING SOLDIER "O Hell ! It's here ! The smell of smoke, The groans of dying comrades round; The shrieks to God that wars provoke ; With dreamless dead I'll soon be found. "This wound is like a firebrand. I catch my breath; my head will break; I dare not weep, for I'm a man Soon to die for my country's sake. "They said our country needed us. We thought 'twas true came with a will; But now we see 'tis a ruler's fuss, And we, the soldiers, pay the bill. "What care the lords of war ah me! That I must die? This wound, dear! This pain, O God! How can it be That I must suffer, linger here? "Sweetheart, goodby. This stinging pain! I'm for God's sake air! Help! I say! I beg again! For God's sake, help a-i-r h-e-l-p! So t-h-e-r-e!" * * ^r * 30 PEACE POEMS Another son for his country's sake Lies cold and mute lies stiff and black; Another mother's heart must ache; A royal lover will not come back. O mothers, fathers, sisters, all, 'Tis not your kindred's, soldier's fault That you are weeping for their fall. Is it not time that war shall halt? "Away with war; let us have peace," That is the slogan for this age. "And we'll not stop until wars cease, So help us, God!" say man and sage. PEACE POEMS IT SICKENS US We are sick of war; we are sick of warring; We are sick of guns and killing; We are ready now to sue for peace; We are sick of grills; we are sick of grilling. We are sick of scars; we are sick of scarring; We are sick of bombs and bombing; We are ready now to sheathe the sword; We are sick of guns; we are sick of gunning. We are sick of raids; we are sick of raiding; We are sick of dashes and dashings. We are ready now to call a halt; We are sick of crash; we are sick of crashings. We are sick of fire; we are sick of firing; We are sick of shells and shelling; We are ready now to have World Peace; We are sick of hell; we are sick of helling. 32 PEACE, POEMS LITTLE BELGIUM DON'T YOU CRY "To the American women nearly a million Belgian mothers have held out their young and asked: 'Won't you please help?'" World's Work, January, 1915. "Our homes are gone, our cows are gone, our horses, food, likewise our men. We are starving in brave Belgium we are dying; O please to send Flour just the cheap kind flour, milk and some corn meal. Milk for babes whose lives are tender, meal and milk God will remember For mothers' milk is dried or drying; our babes are sick; our babes are crying; Hearts are bleeding; Belgium's pleading; babes and mothers nearly dying. Just a little of your bounty will relieve in town and county, God'll remember you were tender with your milk and sympathy. Our homes were sacked, our treasures packed; our braves killed off like bees. O America! O America! Won't you kindly help us, please? We were working, never shirking, when the soldiers came our way; LITTLE BELGIUM DON'T YOU CRY 33 We had money, milk and honey then not beggars; O, sirs, nay. Unexpected shot and shell, all around our country fell; Our braves were killed off just like cattle; we were in the midst of hell. We were beggars, aye sir, beggars, in the twinkling of an eye. O America! O America! Whom God of all has blessed so well, Send us bread, our men are dead; we have not a thing to sell." Will America, our America, listen to the orphans' plea? Yes America, our America, will give heed our own country To the pleadings and heart bleedings of poor Belgium and her babes. Yes, brave Belgium, though all helldom try to starve and kill your babes, We will share and we will care. Yes, America with her sons Whom God blesses, now confesses it's her duty to your wee ones. So, God helping, there'll be less scalping when your Uncle Sam steps in, And doth shower milk and flour from his overflowing bin. So then take heart, we'll do our part, little Belgium on the strand! For we love you and to woo you is the pride of Uncle Sam. We're not failing, ships are sailing 'cross the sea to Belgium land; And tomorrow you can borrow all you need from Uncle Sam. 34 PEACE POEMS When this night, this awful night, shall have passed long since away, Then brave Belgium, our loved Belgium, will have cargoes in the bay, And we'll be "pals", our boys and "gals", little Bel gium, little brave; And together we will weather, every mother and her babe. So wipe your eye, and don't you cry, little Belgium by the sea; Your babes shall live while we can give (we'll give not grudgingly). You're not beggars nor bootleggers, like some others we can name. You're true blue. The likes of you, little Belgium, never came To bless man, and never can, without our love and sympathy. So Uncle Sam and his whole land, you can count on, yes sir-ree! Our hats are off, there's not a scoff, to Belgium bravest of the brave, In America, our America, and your helpless we will save. Should America, our America, not be true and kind , to you, Then would God curse all our sod and withdraw from us His dew. But no danger, little stranger we remember days gone by And we know that what we sow we shall reap; so don't you cry. Uncle Sam, he is the man; he's in love with the likes of you. LITTLE BELGIUM DON'T YOU CRY 35 So wipe your eye and don't you cry, little Belgium, brave and true; We do sigh when babies cry cry for milk and meal and bread. We'll be there with every care, since your sons and men are dead. So wipe your eye and don't you cry, little Belgium by the sea, Your babes shall live while we can give bread, milk and sympathy. 36 PEACE POEMS THE PROFANITY OF WAR (A German army annihilated. News item, December, 1914.) Napoleon, when told that his futile attempt on Moscow had cost him a million soldiers, replied: "What care I for the lives of a mil lion men?" That sentiment is prevalent, very prevalent prevalent with a big P among the "war devils" today. "An entire army shot away! Two thousand men or more met death ! " "Bah! What care we?" say Heartless war lords, under breath. "Any entire army gone to hell ! But lead on more, and right away! Forward march! Take aim! Shell!" Cry war lords, and we'll slay and slay "Until the enemy bites the dust, And cries and begs for a truce they yell Or God damn 'em, we will thrust Another bunch to be shot to hell! "Lead on old guard, the grenadiers; They've stood for targets many a time; They've stood the brunt for many years, But curse 'em, damn 'em! God says they're mine! THE PROF A NIT Y OF WA R 37 "And are for me and for my sons. They must expect to fight, for aye, For hell! It's we who bought the guns, So on to death, ye fools, today! "For isn't it we, by 'right divine', Who hold your life? You are our own, Then Christ! go on; with your life sign The deed which saves to us our throne. "To hell with men and damn 'em too! They're only beasts the common cur So on with death till the air is blue With yells and curses. Profane? Yes, sir! "For who can dabble with stinking slain, Dead and stinking in pyres array, Unless he hardens soul and brain And rather curse and damn than pray? "So on to battle! Damn 'em! See! Lead on another bunch, galore! What the devil bah! care we If ten thousand armies rot from war!" When men hear Christ say: "Peace be still," Then no profanity nor fear, For who can kill, and who can fill The air with cursing when Christ is near? 38 PEACE POEMS BUSINESS MEN AWAKE On February 15 the Electric Steel Company of Philadelphia, Pa., refused to bid on a con tract which would have netted that company $450,000. The contract was for one million drop forge shells, wanted by the British gov ernment to use in warfare. Attached to the blue prints returned to the commission by the company was a note which read: "For humanitarian reasons this company finds itself obliged to refuse to consider the contract." Charles E. Bryson, president and general manager of the company, said: "Our com pany refused to consider this contract be cause we don't think warring nations should be encouraged. As long as they are able to purchase supplies of this nature the war will continue." Newspaper report of the great war. If business men would say the word, Not counting sage and bakers: Just BUSINESS MEN, we'd sheathe the sword And stop these war men-fakirs. Just think of it, the business man Could put a stop to fighting! No need of others in this land To send the war lords kiting. BUSINESS MEN AWAKE 39 But let us add to business men A few from trades and art, And see how quickly it would end, If ALL but did their part. Awake ye men, ye business men! Awake "ye men of Athens!" Awake ye men in town and glen Awake and see what happens! Yes, business men can stop this rage! Then do not wait for others, And write it large on history's page : Ye are mankind's real lovers. 40 PEACE POEMS THE BRAVERY OF GERMANS "Heaps of- dead Germans, victims of a series of relentless and bloody charges against the Allies' trenches this morning, form the Kaiser's birthday present. The soldiers repeatedly charged, but were repulsed in the vicinity of Rheims and Garonne. The fighting along the wooded heights west of Garonne was most furious. There desperate infantry charges followed, the Germans singing patriotic songs on account of the Kaiser's birthday. He was 59 years old." News item. The Kaiser's birthday a present they'll give That's the way of the Germans so true! "Three cheers for the day and long may he live. And now for our present to you. "We'll fight and we'll kill, and seize vantage ground And add to your kingdom some land That be our present; prepare! trumpets sound! With our blood we will soak up the sand. "One repulse isn't much! On again to the fray! Twice beaten isn't worth counting lost! Again we march on keep it up all the day With heaps of dead Germans the cost. "A present to you, our ruler and lord! March on to the bugle's shrill call! Another attack with powder and sword And heaps of dead Germans that fall. THE BRA VER Y OF GERMANS 41 " 'Tis your birthday O King; we want to be true, We know you will smile if we win; So blow, bugle, blow! march on! say adieu; For heaps of dead Germans 's no sin "When a birthday rolls 'round for the Kaiser, So fill up the ranks ! Charge ! the air 's blue ! With life no German's a miser; So we heap up dead Germans for you. "When evening falls, defeated and tired! Each German, a German clear through; We did all we could under shell and in fire To present a nice present to you. " 'Twas on your fifty-ninth birthday, O king, Encamped by heaps of dead, so true! We did all we could, a victory to bring We heaped up dead Germans for you." 42 PEACE POEMS WAR AND DUELING MR. MULING What's the difference betwen war and dueling? You might ask Pop or Mr. Muling. And they would say, without delay, "No difference at all," Mr. Muling. Then have no wars as we have no dueling; Is that not logical and sane? So answer please you're not at ease What say you Pop or Mr. Muling? If it's disgrace this curse of dueling No longer thought it's quite the thing, Then on its face, war is disgrace. What say you Pop or Mr. Muling? Let's deal with war, as now with dueling, Call it a part of bygone age, And put a stop to ancient rot And quit base war as well as dueling? I see my friend you too would end This foolish, dreadful, hellish fighting. You too would dump all in a lump, And send war lords and ships a-kiting. 43 SINK TO DEATH BUT BE COOL "The other day, when the British dreadnaught Formidable went down in a storm, crushed like an eggshell by torpedoes or mines, her Captain Loxley, was on the bridge as she sank; and his last words were: "Steady men; it's all right; keep cool; do not get in a panic; be British." News item. Steady men, all 's right; the times say so; Go down to your death like braves; Steady, all 's right; be sure not to show Emotion, as ye sink in the waves. Keep cool, ye brave ones, you're going to death; 'Tis war the worst of all crimes Keep cool, ye brave ones, you'll soon lose your breath, 'Tis the fate of men in our times. Ye braves, get not into a panic; All 's right there; steady; keep cool; You'll soon gasp for life, then like the Titanic Be swallowed in ocean's great pool. To enlist as a fighter and learn how to kill, Is the training of men of all creeds, But rest ye in this, as ye sink stiff and still, The future will change such deeds. 'Twill not be the slayer; 'twill be the life giver And the race benefactors who're braves; They'll frown on all bullets and shelling that shiver, And call him, the greatest, who saves. 44 PEACE POEMS DOWN WITH THE WAR LORDS "Another cruiser sunk today." "Down with the bloody rulers!" say Men and women the cry shall last "We're through with such; their die is cast," Because we read, lay upon lay, "Another cruiser sunk today." "Another cruiser sunk today." She sailed o'er a mine in Chili's bay. When shock! shock! "Say, what is that?" A bomb's set off; the ship's a-crack, The work is done; the ship's aleak No use to cry, no use to speak Of saving lives or wiring home, Two thousand men beneath the foam Will sleep tonight in a watery grave, While man kills man, and thus does pave The future way with debt on debt For posterity; and yet A second generation will Be bound by shackles of the bill Of war, contracted through race fear, And false conception of what is dear. DOWN WITH THE WAR LORDS 45 "Another cruiser sunk today." It's just a tale of war, we say; Another cruiser with all her men To die; but that's not all, for then The groans and cries, the shrieks and moans Of wives and mothers, the ruined homes, Because another ship, they say, Was sunk, and all men lost, today. "Another cruiser sunk today." When will this stop? O war, away! Down with the rulers, one and all, Who rule to fight; their men to call To arms for their own lust, or hate, Or fame, or glory, their names to make. "Another cruiser sunk today." Down with the tyrant's awful sway Of power to wield for weal or woe When once they say who is their foe! "Another cruiser sunk today." "Down with the bloody rulers!" say Men and women the cry shall last "We're through with such; their die is cast, Because we read lay upon lay, 'Another cruiser sunk today'." 4 6 PEACH POEMS THE BELGIAN BREAD LINE "Belgium is one long bread line of starving men, women and children, clamoring for a single ration of bread and soup." Theo. Waters, secretary of The Christian Herald. "Soup, bread. O please!" they said, "Give back our husbands, sons our dead, And we'll not ask for soup and bread." In Brussels they begged for soup and bread, "Give back our husbands, sons our dead And we'll not ask for soup and bread." In Antwerp they cry for soup and bread. Give back their husbands, sons their dead And they'll not ask for soup or bread. All Belgium moans for food, for bread, "Graves everywhere; our sons are dead; Give back our men and keep your bread." O God! God! who Patriarchs led, Let men know Christ who is not dead, And they'll not wail for soup or bread. 47 1 LIVE FOR THE KING AND FATHERLAND" The war is on; the peace is gone; We'll live in hell, while monarchs sell Soldiers for fatherland. Begin to sing, let bugles ring, While soldiers die, and nations sigh For kings and fatherland. In trenches wet, we are beset With cannon's shell and Sherman's hell, So soldiers take your stand. "But what care I, if I must die?" That's what we say; kings have their way The kings of fatherland. When you "cash in" that God sent king Will yell and cry for more to die For him and fatherland. When you are dead, and vultures fed On sons of men but pshaw, what then? It's soldiers, take your stand. I go to fight and think it's right For people sing, it is the thing To give my head, my hand. War lords at ease sip wine, eat cheese, And suck their pipes; send me to fight For them and fatherland. 48 PEACE POEMS And when you die your family sigh But what cares he for family? The king of fatherland. A soldier dies; he's burned like flies Or rots and stinks, while the ruler thinks You'll fight for fatherland. I'm only one, a country's son, Who's bred to be of the soldiery; Ye soldiers take your stand. Begin to sing, let bugles ring; When shot to hell, your child can yell In vain to fatherland. So what cares he, for you or me? We're only fools to keep his rules Ye soldiers take your stand Be shot to hell while demons yell And he smirks by while women cry For you and fatherland. 49 PEACE REFORMERS Each great reform must have its men, Those who have strength and mighty power; No weakling ever led the ranks, When hard the way and dark the hour. We honor men and 'plaud them, too, Who bear the thickest of the brunt, The ones with souls and courage strong Aye, strong enough to bear the blunt. To those who brave the storm and stress Advance reforms no matter what The world owes all her song and praise, But sometimes they are soon forgot. Let us not cease to do our best, No matter what the price or cost, When duty calls or times demand, Atho our noble cause is lost. It may be lost in our short day, But if the cause be just and right, Long after we are mouldering dead, The doubly blind shall have their sight. Be not dismayed who lead the ranks, Tho rough and stormy be the way, If ye are cursed and oft misjudged, Your cause shall surely win some day. So BELGIUM HAS COVERED HERSELF WITH GLORY Belgium has covered herself with glory! But what about her men? No pin or badge, no battlefield gory Can pay for such losses, when Her young and brave are shot away; When harvest, horses, cows and hay Are gone, and millions to be fed. Say, what about her noble dead, When you sing the song of glory? Germany has covered herself with glory! But what about her dead? No witty reporter's breezy story Can pay for damage done by lead. Her sons are dead, her children moan, Her widows, wives and sisters groan! Six million mouths now to be fed! Say, what about her loyal dead When you make the plea of glory? The Allies have covered themselves with glory ! But what about their lost? It's the same old foolish, dreadful story The living ever pay the cost. We bury the dead, our souls are fed On sorrow, "wormwood, gall and lead ! A nation weeps the curse of guns! Say, what about her murdered sons When you pass the cup of glory? RAISE BABIES TO KILL 61 That's why we care, with best of fare, For baby Dave or Will We give them birth and rear them up For the army and to kill. The babe we do our best to save, Grows up our baby Bill Grows up to be the pride of home The end is, but to kill. So mothers give ye birth to babes And in your tears and pain Do all you can to bring them up To manhood to be slain. While righting lords, with their vast hordes, Need soldiers at their will; Give birth to babes and care for them, And raise them just to kill. But when you say, "Ye war lords, nay, Our babes are at our will; We give them birth, we raise them up To live and not to kill!" Then there will be no misery On battle field or hill, All wars will cease, for you will say, "We have no men to kill." 62 PEACE POEMS THE CHRIST IS NEAR Two men fought till their strength was gone; Two men fought and when were done Sore wounds to bind and racking pain, Yet when they're well they'll fight again. The cry went up, "The Christ is near." They didn't know. They did not hear. Two brothers hated with a vim Which soiled their souls, did such a sin; When friends begged them to be at rest They kept it up with bitter zest. The cry went up, "The Christ is near." They didn't know. Hate said, "Not here." Two men envied the other's fame; They sought revenge it never came But all the days of all their life Were spent in bitter, wasted strife. The cry went up, "The Christ is near." The jealous spirit said, "Not here." THE CHRIST IS NEAR 63 The war lords thought on lust and war; They thought and thought on lust galore Until the earth was red with blood. We cry, "Now stop this human flood!" The cry goes up, "The Christ is near." Now look, O world, and see him here. At last 'tis death to lust and war; For we'll have hate and lust no more, At last man comes into his own And ceases hate and war, for home. So when we cry, "The Christ is near." We'll know and see and feel him here. 64 PEACE POEMS SOUL LANGUAGE A million souls on the way to heaven, Cramming homeward thru the sky; Here on earth they fought each other, But one are they when they come to die. Here the nations fight and slaughter, See the murdered soldiers lie! Here they hate (this racial instinct) But one are they when they come to die. Souls and spirits flying homeward, Arm in arm to join on high, Souls of men and soldiers singing All are one when they come to die. 65 HER BOY AND WAR \ Twenty years ago today My baby came to earth. No heart it seemed was better blest When I gave my laddie birth. Soon he could talk, O yes 'twas soon, "Da-da" and "Mama," too; And then what happy romps we had Life's joys at best are few. Soon he could walk for mind you well The time^sped quickly past, And first we knew our baby boy Had gone to school at last. From school, our boy, our little lad, Came romping into home And told of all the sport and fun Romped out, left me alone. Alone? Ah yes, but he was here. I knew he would return, That night would find him safe at home With all his lessons learned. Swiftly the years O those swift years Sped by; he was.a,man, Ah yes! a man how proud he was! Swiftly the seasons ran. 66 PEACE POEMS Then like a flash the bugles called ; My son, my little boy To serve his native land you see, Volunteered with childish joy. I thought my heart would break right there, When he, all spick and span, Stood as a soldier in the ranks My boy so soon a man. He waved goodby my son was gone! Should I not see him more? He smiled to me, then marched away; He had gone, my boy, to war; The time O, what an anxious time Sped on and letters came; But all the while there was a void I never could explain. It semed as though to death I went Each time a message came; My baby boy, my pride and joy, Was now my care and pain. Then letters missed no message came- I knew God, could it be! I dared not think; I only prayed And asked for light to see. Then came a friend there up the lane- With head bent low and sad; I saw at once the worst was nigh, a What news of John, my lad?" My baby boy, my little lad, The baby I love, my son ! I never dreamed I gave you life To be killed by sword or gun ! HER BOY AND WAR 67 We'll never meet again on earth! But still I must be calm! They burned him on a soldier's pyre The mortal end of John! I offered up my life for him; I nourished him with care; I love as only a mother can; The end a furnace there ! I sit alone and wonder why We can't our troubles mend Without this cruel unholy war That kills our sons, our men! Why must we women give our sons To fight for ruling men Who could, if they but wanted to, Adjust affairs by pen? I pray my God to give me strength To forgive and not to curse The ones who tore my boy away; And brought about the worst. I pray for more than just for me; I'll join my martyred ones; "O God, let war soon pass away So mothers can keep their sons." 68 PEACE POEMS WHEN WILL THE SOLDIERS STRIKE ? There's be no war when men won't fight. When will the soldiers strike? If rulers fuss and disagree, and cannot see the right, And set they are on forcing men to see that black is white; Why don't we let them fight it out? Let them go to it bout for bout, And fight and slay and curse and shout. When will the soldiers strike? There'll be no war when men won't fight. When will the soldiers strike? They have their homes and families which are their soul's delight, Their children there and home so sweet and everything so bright; There's May to meet you with a coo, And say "Da-da" and "Is dat oo?" A wife to greet and fond adieu. When will the soldiers strike? WHEN WILL THE SOLDIERS STRIKE? 69 There'll be no war when men won't fight. When will the soldiers strike? If rulers fuss and disagree, and cannot see the right, And set they are on forcing men to see that black is white, Why don't we let THEM fight it out? Let them go to it, bout for bout, And fight and slay and curse and shout. When will the soldiers strike? 70 PEACE POEMS TO CANADA Celebrating the one hundred years of peace between England and the United States. In time of peace, prepare for peace, Eliminate all war; For if on peace we have a lease, We need but courts and bar. Our Uncle Sam, in time of peace, And Canada so fair Made peace the slogan (with what ease!), A hundred years so rare. What we have done to keep the peace, All nations too can do! Now all the world can make war cease As Uncle Sam and you. O may the world then promenade In such a life long lease! Long may our sister Canada And Uncle Sam have peace! THE WAR LORDS' JUDGMENT Oh, the woeful, stinging memory when they go to the judgment seat! All the cries and all the misery, all the groans and tears to meet! Anguish of a hell-cursed earth, with its fright and with its care, Coming to their ears at judgment God! it's more than they can bear! See a trillion eyes of murder, see the bleeding, mangled feet! With their fierce, condemning anguish, as they near the Judgment Seat! See the clutching, skinny fingers, pointing in a sea of scorn, Fingers of a billion sufferers pointing on that judment morn! Oh the horrors of the war lord, when he goes to the Judgment Bar! All the cries of base infernos ringing forth, both near and far Will be tame to bellowing misery, from the throats of trillions dead: "Curses on thee, misery maker, you who have a heart of lead." Cryings, damnings, cursings, screechings, seething, boil ing, hissing hell, Will resound to meet the war lords, at the toll of the Judgment Bell. 72 PEACE POEMS DEPARTING GLORY "The glory of war is gone; the war has no defenders." David Starr Jordan. Yes, war has no defenders, The glory of war is gone; Let's deal with one another Without the war-knell's gong. The bugle's screech and martial air, Brass buttons and marching tread, Epaulets and fancy braid- Let's think of these as dead. Brute force is cruel it's hellish And so is soldiers' tread; Likewise the camps and warship Let's think of these as dead. The honor won by killing men Is false let that be said And emphasize man's service now, And think of war as dead. For life is worth far more than hate; " Glory" that conies with lead Is far too costly in these days Let's think of war as dead. Yea, war has no defenders, The "glory" of war is past; This be our everlasting song, While man and earth shall last. PEACE POEMS 73 WOMEN ON THE WARPATH The women have formed a "Peace Party 1 ' with which to protest against war. News item. Clar th' thrack ther' ye wahr lards and rhulers ; The wimen hav' entered the fray; They now hav' th' "Wimen's Pace Party"; To th' waryers and lards, it's away! The wimen hav' drawn a petishon, An' emfattically state an' dayclar: They are shtandin' f r pace an' f'r justice, Without wahr craze an' its scar'r. So hike r-right alowng ye wahr lards An' singers iv wahrs, gr-rat an' sthrong; Th' wimen hav taken th' cudg-gel To pace fully sittle awl wrong. When she takes holt iv the wahr handle, An' swings an' dayclars up an' down That wahr is a rellick iv past ages, Ye'd betther go back an' sit down. F'r she is th' sthronger, is wimen; On wahr she's bin layin' low, She's now come to her own, an' ye bit ye Th' wahr an' its hell will soon go. 74 So throt r-right alowng, Mishter wahr lard, Say good by' if ye think he hav' time; Do not linger an' dally too lowng sir F'r she's apt to kick yer're behind. Go back me lard, and sit down sir, Sit down so hard an' so fast That ye'll not come to life agin sir She's got ye on th' run sir, at last. O, Hiven! on wahr lards hav' mersay, An' angils protect an' give help! It's afther th' wahr divils she's goin' An' whin SHE comes back they'll be scalpted. We are all brothers why not show it? 75 HAS CHRISTIANITY FAILED? You say Christianity has failed! But friend, it has never been tried. We have talked, and yea we have prayed, But many's the time we have lied. We have said we love as God loves Our friends as well as our foes; Like sinners in the time of Christ He could scathe us too with his "woes". We have claimed to be Christian and kind, But in part, have we lived the truth; Yes, only in part, O ye men, Yea, rather like heathens, forsooth. We say we are Christian, and then We live without Christ; He is veiled; So we fail in our acts and our deeds, Then say 'tis Christ who has failed. Why say Christianity has failed, When it has never been tried? Why call the Master a failure When we've put His teachings aside? When we live like unto Christ Our religion is Christ and not creeds, We shall see no failure like war To blot the record of deeds. 76 PEACE POEMS 'Tis the lack of Christ which has failed, Not Christ of Calvary's cross; 'Tis the lack of Christian instruction That records today our great loss. 'Tis not the Christ who has failed, Nay, brother, not Christ and His way, 'Tis the spirit of mortals instead Which has held mankind in its sway. When Christ is lived thru and thru, No war can our record disgrace, For Christ is the one Prince of Peace, He then will have the first place. So let us not blame this loved One, The Christ, who loves every land; But rather, O brother, blame someone Who mistaught this Lover of Man. 77 MY PLEDGE I here desire to give my pledge To do my best for peace; So help me, God, to do my part To make all wars to cease. 78 PEACE POEMS BENEDICTION O God of Heaven of man and beast Teach me, O Lord, to see the Light, And sound the knell from west to east To have no war no sword or fight. O God, should I not do my share In this great day of sword and hate To bring about a world wide peace Then God forgive this sin so great. My Daughter, My Little Maxine 8i MY DAUGHTER, MY LITTLE MAXINE There are days that are dark and gloomy; There are times when the sun is not seen; But there's one who can always inspire me, And that's my daughter, Maxine. Should I think life's work is a failure And results are not what I ween, There conies to my rescue a smiler, And that's my daughter, Maxine. Have things gone wrong? Miscarried? Are times out of joint? Not a beam Of sunshine to light the dark roadway? Then I hear my daughter, Maxine Creep up to my chair O the darling! And put her sweet face close to mine And whisper, "Just never mind, papa, You're the best; you're simply just fine." If it's preacher, writer or father, It's the same to my daughter so keen; No troubles, no sorrows, nor worries Shake the faith of daughter Maxine. Do friends misunderstand and shun me? Are critics severe and show spleen? Do people misjudge and condemn me? It matters not to Maxine. 82 MY DAUGHTER, MY LITTLE MAXINE She has faith and pride in her father; She has love and caresses, all seen; She has confidence strong as Gibraltar My daughter, my little Maxine. Though enemies strive to down me; Though foes my character screen; I know there's one believes in me And that's my darling, Maxine. Inspirational Poems THE SUCCESSFUL MAN The successful man is always kicked, he's kicked all over town; No matter what his "line" may be, they'll kick him all around. The man who wins is always kicked, they kick him black and blue; He's thumped with "mud" and rotten egged, gets num ber fourteen shoe. Because he's always on the job; not lazy at his work, Because he plods and plugs away, while other men may shirk, Because he puts more in his work and gets more in return, And stirs things up and gets things done, he's kicked at every turn. The men who set the world ahead, are kicked all over town ; They lift us to a higher plane but get kicked all around; No matter, sir, what lives they save, no matter what they give, If they do more than other men, they're punctured like a sieve. 86 INSPIRA TIONA I POEMS If you're not kicked, I wonder now if you have lost your hope? Do you play fair and do your best, or sulk and grunt and mope? If you're not kicked, you won't rise far; so man, get in the game, And let them kick you all around kick hard until they're lame! You do your work and play your game play fair and hard all day; And let the townsmen wag their tongues, the gossips have their say, And never mind their cutting ways, nor see that surly frown ; On the homestretch you'll beat' em all although you're kicked around. 87 THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS FAILURE There's no 9^k thing as failure To him whonfchts when down ; For just as light comes after night, Success will failure crown. There's no such thing as failure To those who mean to stand. 9 Each failure hard he's turned the card Success, and won the hand. They only think it's failure, And that's why they've not won; If they'd think right, keep at the fight, Success would surely come. There's no such thing as failure; Repeat this every day "I'm bound to win, thru thick or thin, Success is mine, I say." There's no such thing as failure Unless you want it so; With steady nerve, you never swerve, Success is sure, tho slow. There's no such thing as failure! Repeat, "I'm bound to win," Do not complain ; affirm again, "Success, doth now begin." There's no such thing as failure! Push on and make it flee. God helps the man who says, "I can. Success is meant for me." 88 INSPIRA TIONAL POEMS PLEASE DON'T STOP KICKIN' MY NAME AROUND Please don't stop kickin' my name around. You mean by that to keep me down The harder I'm kicked, the better I'll bound; I'll always smile and never frown. Please don't stop kickin' my name around. Please don't stop kickin' my name around. Every knock you give, your every sound Makes me arise with greater bound; Boosts me way up until I'm found. Please don't stop kickin' my name around. Please don't stop kickin' my name around. It sends me up and not far down ; Your every kick makes me rebound; You boost me higher, round by round. Please don't stop kickin' my name around. Please don't stop kickin' my name around. "Each knock's a boost" that's long been found So hammer away, altho you're bound To kill me off I'm still around. Please don't stop kickin' my name around. Please Don't Stop Kickin' My Name Around 89 Please don't stop kickin' my name around. I'm higher today by knockers bound To kill me off, but still I'm sound. So knock and curse; defame and pound. Please don't stop kickin' my name around. Please don't stop kickin' my name around. Call me a fool, blockhead or clown; Pinhead or goose, base cur or hound; Use vilest words that can be found. Please don't stop kickin' my name around. 90 INSPIRA TIONAL POEMS DON'T LOSE YOUR GOAT Jim Casey had two balls; two strikes; as he stood up to bat. "Ball three" was called; another came when, holy smoke! what's that? He soaked a ball clean over third, beyond the fence and moat, And scored a straight home run because he didn't lose his goat. "The fight is on," my youthful friend; the one who wins the game Is the chap you meet who has his nerve and ever is the same. You'll get nick-named; called everything from "kid" to that "old soak," But never mind, just plug along and do not lose your goat. You'll make mistakes a-plenty, boy, but never you mind that So long as you don't lose your grip, you're bound to win, by cat! O you can lose most anything, from house and lot to boat, So long as you don't lose your nerve or let 'em get your goat. DON'T LOSE YOUR GO A T 91 So many men would seek your fall from lies to drinking beer; But pay no heed, all that you need is "grip and persevere!" Give up you bed; drink gall and lead; and let 'em take your coat; If you're to win, for heaven's sake don't let 'em get your goat. There's rich and poor; there's strong and great; there are all kinds of men Who'll lay their traps and try to see you "beat to first," but then So long as you have got your nerve; yes, put your clothes in "soak" Fact, you can part with anything if they don't get your goat. I often make mistakes can you say as much? 9 2 INSPIRA TIONAL POEMS I WILL I will, I can, I will! Says he who means to win. For there's no power this side of death Can shut and keep him in. I will, I can, I will! Is the slogan that never fails. And there's no power on land or sea To keep down that man's sails. I will, I can, I will! Has turned the world around And saved a people many times When others thought them, down. I will, I can, I will! Obstacles I'll defy! For there's no power can beat a man Who never will say, "die." 93 NEVER MIND THE KNOCKER " 'Twas a hard knock, I got today, It nearly laid me low, I'll not regain the blow for aye, Why is the world made so?" Just wait a little, brother man, And see what end this blow Will have in store for you. My land! Some things come very slow. In twenty years from this sore whack You'll smile, though now you're barred; You'll see your "bread" is coming back; You'll be on top, though scarred. These whacks must come to try your vim, To exercise your grit, To teach that all who live to win, Must not "give up the ship." So take your whacks with all good grace, And never frown or kick; Just let the world see your stern face That will not wince one whit. The world can't knock you all around, And keep it up for aye, For if you plug and work and pound The knocks will die away. 94 1NSP1RA TIONA I POEMS But if they don't, they won't hurt you, And both are just the same, So work away, ne'er say adieu ; Just play your fighting game. Your enemies, and knockers, too, Admire a man with pluck; So never mind, though black and blue, You'll win in spite of "luck." Though black and blue from knockers, Sam, You won't feel hurt one bit If you keep on and be the man Who won't stay down, though hit. 95 NEVER SAY DIE Have you done all you could and been much criticized? Have you played the world fair and then lost? Have you worked like a trooper and seemed hypnotized So that nothing turned out but the cost And that cost charged to you when you'd nothing to pay? Have you ever endured such a plight? Were you broke and not able to turn any way? Have you wanted to give up the fight? Have you done all you could? Been cuffed all about? Have you played like a man and gone down? Have you made your last effort and sparred your last bout? Have you felt like not "sticking around?" Have you failed once or often; been called a poor fool? Have you tried to keep straight and look game? Have you said, " 'Tis the end, Life's too hard a school, I will quit, for success never came"? 96 INSPIRA TIONA I POEMS Then take heart, brother mine, I have felt this queer pain; I have failed seen everything gone; I have often said, "Nay, I will not try again" That's just the safe time to hang on! For a short way ahead, when you've failed many times; There's success just awaiting for you; If you never give up, hang tight to the lines, Then success, not defeat is your due. O pray, never say "die," make an effort once more! Never say that your time is past due; Just you try again, with that spirit of yore, For success is a-coming to you! 97 LIFE'S GETHSEMANE Each life hath it's Gethsemane! No doubt 'tis better so, Tho when our souls sweat drops of blood, We'd rather pray, "O no." But when this dark Gethsemane And others, have been won, We'll reach the Master's attitude: "Not mine but Thine be done." Be strong in your Gethsemane; Be like our Lord of old; For drops of blood may mean today Your strength increased ten fold. For when each dark Gethsemane Has past long since away; We see that it was better far, To sweat as Christ, that day. Each life hath its Gethsemane If not at first, at last; So cultivate your soul's repose; You're stronger when it's past. So God, when our Gethsemane Is making us sweat blood, Give us the spirit the Master had To endure the trouble's flood! 98 INSPIRA TIONA L POEMS THE MOTHER HEART A woman who raises children Children who're not her own Is one of God's great workers. Praise her from pillar to dome ! A woman who shelters children Some without legal name Is the noblest of Christ's workers. Lift us to a higher plane! God send thy sweet benediction On those who do their part In caring for outcast children. Strengthen such courage and heart! May we learn this from such courage Though hard may be the way Let us see and do our duty, No matter what others may say. 99 YOU CAN'T KEEP A GOOD MAN DOWN You cannot keep a good man down, He'll rise in spite of all; He may be beaten into pulp He'll rise from every fall. A good strong man with pluck and grit Each time on top will come, Tho gods and man contrive to beat And keep him out of plumb. You may as well stem back the tide, And make the moon stand still As try to keep a good man down A man with force and will. i oo INSPIRA TIONA I POEMS THE MAN WHO COMES BACK Oh, don't be a quitter, we disdain such a man, Though we have been guilty ourselves; We've oft turned our backs from life's sordid whacks Let the past be put on the shelves. Yes, we have been quitters for many a day; Ashamed, sneaked back to the ranks; We quit and returned all bridges we burned; And received men's comments and thanks. Oh, don't be a quitter who never comes back; Tho defeated and beaten today, Don't throw up the sponge; just you again lunge Head- foremost to the thick of the fray. If you are a quitter the one who comes back You're in good company; For many a man in this glorious land Has quit, yet claims victory. No longer a quitter when you try, try again You stop and then go ahead; So take heart again; our God will sure send Success before you are dead. 101 THE WAY TO WIN When your hat is "in the ring," Don't give up the fight. Jump right in. begin to sing, Sing with all your might. Don't get sour, let each hour See you work and fight. You can't sing? Do the next thing, Smile, from left to right. Smile and fight, fight and sing; Fight with all your might. When your hat is in the ring, Don't give up the fight. Are you beat? That's no defeat! Don't give up the fight. "Down and out?" O pshaw! Just shout; On your job, then light. Pound and thump; yes, dig and jump, Don't give up the fight. No defeat! You've never beat When you're in the right. Don't you stop, your vim don't drop, Plug with all your might. Sour awhile? Then start to smile, Jump right in, begin to sing. Smile keep up the fight. 1 02 INSPIRA TIONA L POEMS If your hat's not in the ring, Throw it there and fight. Some have won, but when begun They were in a plight. Buckle in, keep up your grin, Make your troubles hike. Smile and grin, for grit and vim Win in any fight. Don't you quit, and don't you sit Till all are on the flight. Throw you hat into the ring, Throw it there and fight. Grip your nerve, never swerve, When you're in the fight. Grit your teeth, for underneath Gold is out of sight Gold and fame in this big game. Just keep up the fight. Never mind if man's unkind, You'll get out all right. Failed today? That's nothing, say Just keep up the fight You will see your failures flee Flee clear out of sight. Keep your hat there in the ring! Don't give up the fight! Difficulties, troubles and sorrows make weak men cringe; but brave men strong. 103 WHERE THERE'S A WILL THERE'S A WAY" "Where there's a will, there is a way!" Never give up the ship; There's land ahead and "ivory bed" To each stiff upper lip. You may not see which way to turn, But still there is a way. Where's there's a will keep at it still You'll reap success some day. If you can't see, still there's a way; A way with every will; You may not know which way to go, But you will climb the hill. Don't waver, man, there is a way If you but have the will; So plug along, with heart and song, Success comes but by drill. 1 04 INSPIRA TIONA L POEMS THE MAN WHO'S AFRAID OF THE CARS Have you met such a man, who's "afraid of the cars?" Afraid of his shadow and men? He has no back-bone and only one tone "I'm afraid, I'm afraid of the cars." There's no room on this earth, there's no room up on Mars, For the man who's afraid of life's game; No room anywhere in hallway or stair For the man who's "afraid of the cars." God never made man to be afraid of the cars! That making's ours there's no doubting that So determine to stand on sea or on land Like a man not "afraid of the cars." The world it will laud you, though you're cov ered with scars From the battle of life, when you win; So tackle the game, every day be the same And don't be "afraid of the cars." So it's right about face! Not afraid of the cars ! Brace up, meet the world like a man. Things are coming your way, stay so every day, When a man's not "afraid of the cars." HANDICAPPED FOR LIFE I may have many handicaps; 111 health, poor eyes and lame; Though I have drawn a card that's marked, I never will complain. I may think God's mistreated me, But won't think so for long; Though other men have better leads, I'll keep chuck full of song. While others droop and give it up And say "I never can ! " Though I'm bound down at every turn I'll play the game a man. And while I work against all odds, From me there'll be no whine; I'll get my share of fun from work; Life's nectar, all is mine. Social Poems and Others SOCIAL POEMS log "She lives on six dollars a week! " She buys her own food, her clothes, and pays rent. She pays car fare, laundry no meat When pay day comes around, for herself not a cent! For she lives on six dollars a week. "She lives on six dollars a week!" One dollar for clothes and two for room rent, (A "hole in the wall" for a room, how sleek (?)) When pay day comes round for herself not a cent! For she lives on six dollars a week. "She lives on six dollars a week! " Thirty cents for car fare; her back is 'most bent Walking to work and standing till weak. When pay day comes round for herself not a cent! For she lives on six dollars a week. "She lives on six dollars a week!" So hungry and cold, so friendless and lone ! She gets her own breakfast the coffee 's so cheap You never can guess in wealth's happy zone The horror! Six dollars a week! "She lives on six dollars a week!" A sandwich for lunch, and supper she eats In a down-town joint where everything's cheap, Tablecloths dirty, grease on the seats For she lives on six dollars a week. no SOCIAL POEMS "She lives on six dollars a week!" So slick sporting men those damnable curs Offer her ease and her ruin they seek 'Till weak and discouraged (joy is not hers) She yields on six dollars a week. She lived on six dollars a week. Now the tables have turned, but soon O God! She is weary, heartbroken, sad and so weak In anguish she prays to be under the sod! And forget her six dollars a week. Does anyone wonder the reason why She lost in the struggle tired and so weak! Who can condemn her? What heart would not sigh To think of the fight, to live and keep meek On only six dollars a week? Love in the heart and on the tongue driveth away Satan also enemies, which is the same Ill WOMEN'S SUFFRAGE BEATEN BUT NOT DEFEATED "The house of Representatives tonight by a vote of 204 to 174 refused to submit to the states the amendment to the federal constitution to enfran chise women." News item, January 12th, 1915. Have you heard all about it? Sh' do not shout it; though soon 'twill cover creation. The U. S. lawmakers put women below bakers, and it's up to the "states" not the nation to let women vote. They rank with the goat or nigger or immigrant lowly but that does not say, they will stop from today and not push their fight, which is holy. Though turned down today, tomorrow the same, yet they will keep up their pace, till all creation and every bold nation will see they are part of the race of men who're not cowards though Davids and Howards put blocks all around in their way. Though de feated today, still they will "make hay", though men do call "Keep still!" for now to the world their flag is unfurled, and they mean to win out through their will. They'll not quit the ring tho some shout and sing, "She's only a woman, that's all." They're made of the stuff that takes no rebuff! They'll win! They've sent out the call! Yes, Uncle Sam's ii2 SOCIAL POEMS men some bullies and Ben think women not worthy the right, but you can just bet, there are plenty of men yet, who will help the women to fight. The decision is in "they're worth not a pin" in the way that man plays the game. But that's no criterion, they'll fight the whole year in, and bring up the issue again. Who think they will pine, sit down and then whine, and say things ugly and hard 'bout "lords of creation," and their situation don't understand women, my pard. So lawmaker-men, who've turned them down when they asked for their share in the vote, just retain your big laughter, for quite a while after, you'll see them conquer through hope. Through hope and good cheer without any fear of the outcome to them in the end. They'll be equal to you and your sons, too to Freddie to Sammie and Ben. You can't keep 'em down, you and your frown. If you think so you've not "hit it"; or you do not know the women whose goal is the ballot and all that goes with it. Though defeated once more (you can't make 'em sore); the women all over the land will write and will talk, will ride and will walk, and last will win Uncle Sam. They're bound to be free, the women you see, there's no getting round all of that, for they're right in the game and to keep up the same, they will stay where they've thrown down the hat. And that is the ring, to shout and to sing for ballot and suffrage and votes; they'll continue to do till they see the thing through and they're counted worth WOMEN'S SUFFRA GE 113 more than the goats. So don't you be smart and think you have art more noble and greater than they. As you fought to win, through thick and through thin, they'll match your deuce with a trey. You fought for your rights, through dark stormy nights, till king doms gave you freeman's votes; now they'll do the same, beat you at your game, for they'll not pine or mope. They'll keep up their vim; with smiling they'll win; and you will be proud of 'em more and ashamed after while that you're beat by their smile, and didn't 'franchise 'em before. ii4 SOCIAL POEMS --- % GOSSIP " 'They say/ he kissed Matilda as they walked along the way." But Matilda was in Oshkosh and he at Sheepshead Bay, When they said, he kissed Matilda as they walked along the way. " 'They say,' that Jones has left her, has left and mean to stay." But Jones was at a funeral as mourner met delay, When they said, that Jones had left her and had left his wife to stay. " 'They say/ Susanna's jilted and has thrown her life away." Susanna was in bathing; tried her brand new suit that day They said, she was a suicide had thrown her life away. " 'They say/ he is a grafter in politics he'll stay" Our Senator was walloped, beaten thru "schedule K" Because he would not bow to Baal and take their "dough" that day. " 'They say/ Rebecca hit him 'threw a rolling pin'," some say. He was putting up a stove pipe which fell and came his way When they said his wife had hit him with a brick or club that day. GOSSIP 115 " 'They say,' the parson's son's a crook with a wad he walked away." But he had been away to school, had honors from Fall to May A scholarship he'd won 'stead of a "stolen purse" that day. " 'They say,' Smith's son's in trouble in the work house he must stay," That very son's in business, owns part of all Broadway And passes the collection plate in church each bright Sunday. " 'They say,' she is to be a mother that's why she went away." She went to have a tooth "pulled out" upon that fate ful day. She then came back and married well; but the gossips had their say. O, meet me in the open, do not fight me with "they say." Just call me "thief", "sandbagger", "liar", all to ME, today. But do not fight with gossip with that dastardly, "They say." n6 SOCIAL POEMS BABIES AND HOGS "Representative of would have the automobile driver who runs over a farmer's hog or chicken or dog-, stop, notify the owner, make a reasonable effort to agree upon a settlement. ***Babies are not mentioned." News item A chauffeur kills a hog, sir, and stops to explain, He weeps and he is sorry; he then takes out his wad, And pays for damages that he's wrought in sunshine or in rain He pays if he has killed a goose or damaged "mister hog." But should it be a baby small an act inhuman quite He turns on the "gas" again and hikes like the "devil". A hog is worth a wad of money a baby not a mite We care for little piggie so babe's not on his level. If a reckless chauffeur driving fast should hit a dog's left ear, He carefully stops right there and then, and takes out his fat wad And asks, "O pray how much dear sir? Do you never fear- (But not if it's a baby, see?) "for chicken or for hog." BABIES AND HOGS 1 1 7 Much cash we raise for chickens, sir, for geese, also for hogs; We feed 'em well and house 'em too and pay if they are killed; But babies of the common man are treated just like dogs, (Not only killed), they work all day with stomachs hardly filled. Be careful then of pigs and chicks, of doggies and of geese; Protect them well and watch them too, and pay if they are dead; We cut the wage of children poor; in other ways we fleece, Abuse them sore, and starve them too, and nothing e'er is said. Our cash we spend for better hogs, for better stock each year; Complain and snarl when we are asked to aid a help less child; We legislate for damage done to hog or cow or deer, But clutch at our big, fat purse strings more cares on children pile. If you are looking for an angel, don't come my way how about yourself? n8 SOCIAL POEMS NO BABIES WANTED IN THIS FLAT A flat for rent; the best that is; Steam heated, light and all of that, We need your money in our biz No babies wanted in this flat. "A flat for rent on Nabob street, Not a cock roach, a mouse or rat, This one indeed is very neat No babies wanted in this flat. "Our flat has just been renovated Outside and in, from post to slat, 'Tis very pleasantly located No babies wanted in this flat. Our tenants wear the latest style, In sock and shirt, in waist and hat; Your living here is worth your while No babies wanted in this flat. "Come noted people, one and all, Small peuple, big or lean or fat, Our rooms are airy spacious hall No babies wanted in this flat. "The great and wise, the rich and smart, Live here with parrot, dog or cat. We need one more what is your art? No babies wanted in this flat." SOCIAL POEMS 119 KING ALCOHOL BOWS TO SUFFRAGETTES "Ho! I'm king of kings, aho! I torture kings; I ruin and kill, For I'm the great king still in tow, Your homes with frightful horrors fill. "Ho! I'm the king of kings, aho! I laugh at widows, scorn the child Whose father spends his hard earned 'dough' Across my bar 'till his brain is wild. "Ho! I'm the king of kings, aho! I fill my pockets while children cry; I dance and sing while the funeral slow Goes by my door, for what care I "If drunkards die and children moan? I've made my money, my purse is fat. For I am king o'er that ruined home But what care I for all of that? "Ho! I'm the king of kings, aho! Send men to hell; and women deprave; Some rush to death, while some go slow, And one by one, fill a drunkards 's grave. 120 SOCIAL POEMS "That's 'nix' to me, I'm king, aho! I murder men and children slay, The law provides for me, heigho! I gloat o'er men, to slay and flay. "But then I'll not be king, O no! If women perchance the suffrage get; So hell! I'll spend my cash to sow Lies; and traps and snares I'll set "So folks will keep me king, aho! So I can revel in man's despair. I dance with glee, aha! heigho! . When moans of sufferers fill the air. "I'm spending cash as king, aho! I'm buying pulpit, brains and press To keep the 'skirts' from votes, heigho! I dread their power I do confess. "While women are manacled, aho, And they do not the ballot hold. I'll still be king of kings, by Joe! And spread dire hell from pole to pole. "So I'll be king of kings, aho! Sow hell and death and drunks pell mell, Till women get the vote, heigho ! And I'm debarred my wares to sell. "Till then I'm king of kings, aho! So 'ischkabibble' 'King Alcohol !'- 'Till women vote and strike the blow That makes my kingdom take its fall. "But as it is, I'm king aho! 'But I should worry', man's a fool Keeps the ballot from women heigho! And lets King Alcohol have rule. "I dance! I sing! I smirk! aho! The law, the cops, they're all my own, While women are barred from votes, heigho ! And men do reap what they have sown." 122 SOCIAL POEMS GOOD ROADS To E. C. Issenhuth Father of the Good Roads Movement, in South Dakota. We were rolling along, our mouths filled with song, We lovers, down Spink county road; When the first thing we knew (O save us, yes do!) We spilt we and our load! We knew the poor roads had spoiled many loads, But we didn't expect it again. Alas and forsooth! heeded not Issenhuth Issenhuth and his theme of "Good Roads." The .next year while taking his Good Roads for saking Wheat to market to get me some cash, I got half-way there, when, lo what a scare! A creak, a chuck and a smash; And I was detained (I and my grain) In a rut stuck deep, and bad. I thought of E. C., who had talked much to me Of Good Roads. I thought he was mad. I put ten dollars down to get pulled to town And my wagon fixed up so 'twould run; And glad, I repeat, to get off so cheap, When I think of the damages done. Had I given five dollars with horses and collars To fix that road, don't you see, Five dollars ahead I'd be, Uncle Ned, And encouraged Good Roads and E. C. GOOD ROADS 123 I was starting to haul some hay this last fall, (Each fall, I market some hay) When I struck a mudhole alone not a soul And there I remained for the day. I thought of more loads and I thought of Good Roads, Of Issenhuth too you bet! I first fought him hard, but now he's my pard. On Good Roads my mind is now set. It's strange is it not you haven't forgot How we fight these new f angled things? How we fight the reformer tradesman and farmer And neglect the wisdom he brings? But our Issenhuth with the spirit of youth, Will win. Then haul big loads! And our thrifty young state will often relate, The wisdom of E. C. and Good Roads. My name may be "Mud", but, "old man," it's clean. i2 4 SOCIAL POEMS ^ WILSON'S WATCHFUL WAITING "To hell with Mex let's do 'em up; A few Americans have been slain; We won't down there leave one grease spot When Uncle Samuel takes the rein. Strike up the band ; we want to fight ! We'll clean that 'greaser' bunch down there!" Thus urged the people "Come, hurry up! " But President Wilson was in the chair. "This watchful waiting gives us a pain, They've insulted us too much too much; We'll wipe them off the face of earth, For now they've raised 'our Dutch our Dutch'; That 'Dutch' is up, now act like men ! Why say, that little bunch down there 'Gainst Uncle Sam won't last a month !"- But President Wilson was in the chair. "What ails the president anyway? A few 'cow punchers' can do them up, But there sits Woodrow like a chump! Why don't he lick that Mexican pup? We're tired of waiting; we want to fight! They can't pull out your Uncle's hair Without being licked into a pulp! But President Wilson was in the chair. WILSON'S WATCHFUL WAITING 125 He held the reins till steam blew off ., And people's nerves and minds were quiet, And tho bombarded on every side A few enough with him stood by it. We'll call him wonderful and great; All time will praise his watchful care; We'll thank our "stars" and Bryan too That President Wilson was in the chair. Again we see there's trouble brewing With warring nations across the sea, And now we fuss, and fret, and fume, Discuss the end at lunch and tea. W T hy get worked up, why all this "sweat," Why shout, stampede at every scare? Just keep your seat and hold your nerve, For President Wilson is in the chair. Stand by the president, countrymen, And bury political hate and gibes, Encourage him who bears the load To save so many, many lives. We're writing history anew, We'll add a page that's new and rare, He'll pull us thru without the sword It's President Wilson who's in the chair. ^/w ' I 126 SOCIAL POEMS ABERDEEN Aberdeen is the city of homes. Aberdeen, S. D. Sweet City of Homes, Aberdeen! Aberdeen, the loved of the west, Where there is a chance for the man who is keen To seek and make for the best. Sweet City of Homes, Aberdeen! Where u man is a man for 'a that," Where all of the lowly or great, I ween, Can own their own homes or a flat. Sweet City of Homes, Aberdeen ! The pride of the "Sunshine State,' Where wheat and where corn and commerce are seen Making her rich it's the fate Of sweet City of Homes, Aberdeen, For placed where you are with your fields, With workers and boosters, means wealth ever green. 'Tis decreed by the gods and their seals. Sweet City of Homes, Aberdeen, In you our hearts swell with pride, If its wealth, commerce or western scene, You're second to none "our bride." I went fishing one day and caught well, let's forget it. SOCIAL POEMS 127 OUR BOY GOES ON AHEAD A Poem of Condolence We'll never see his face again, But his spirit's with us still And will be to the end of life A law by God's own will. How could we part with one so dear? Oh! that would strike us dumb But for our hope of life beyond, And hearing Him say, "Come." We could not rest at ease behind; We could not think of life As anything but misery With God we'll win the strife! And yet we have much comfort still To ponder 'bout our boy, Who lived with us for twenty years; Our pride, our hope, our joy ! No trouble did he ever give; No watchful nights we had; No wondering if he evil sought; No time through him was sad. 128 SOCIAL POEMS What comfort then we have, alas! Though in our sorrow bent; What comfort through our tears we have For all the joy he lent. He'll not endure what here we do; He's through with earthly pain, And waits with joy and happiness Till we shall meet again. Though dark the way and rough the road, We hope in God of love That though today, Gethsemane We'll meet our boy above. "Like produces like"; good deeds beget good deeds; friendship stimu lates friends; and love, love. Get in the swim. SOCIAL POEMS 129 CAPITAL PUNISHMENT The South Dakota senate, led by Senator Plin Beebe, votes to abolish hanging. News item, January 20th, 1915. Of all accepted, dark and bloody crimes That man still keeps on the book of the law Is capital punishment, one often finds Such glaring, absurd, outrageous flaw! A man in hot passion takes another man's life, The law in its session, with time and in "state", Does the very same crime of the gun or the knife, And thinks by so doing to lessen man's hate. The absurdity, aye, the foolish mistake Of murder less, by setting the pace! Are we Christian and continue to make Laws that kill others? It's absurd on the face. Let's now make amends; give good for the bad; Be more like men than savages cruel; Teach criminals kindness (Oh it is sad!) "Like produces like," a staid and fast rule. When will we learn that to have better men We must set the example and show them the way Of charity, kindness, calmness; and then Man's inherent goodness responds right away. 130 SOCIAL POEMS Hold on there, old man, you're way out of date, The solons at Pierre followed Beebe who led. No legal killing in the "Sunshine State," No more hanging humans till they are dead. Three cheers for advancement; three for Beebe! Three cheers for Old Glory and congress at Pierre ! Posterity will praise you, lawmaker men, For this legislative act of the year. God dwells in us according to the love we shed abroad How much of God have you? If you have ever done me a wrong forget it it has been blotted from my mind recorder. ODE TO A LANDMARK "Old landmark is destroyed by fire. Old Beard block built in 1881. ***Replaced by fire-proof structure. News item. The old Beard block is gone, is gone; aye now is gone forever ! She stood the test of time and strain, in cold and pleas ant weather. She's gone the way all men must go, to make room for another, And though replaced by modern block, she was our building "mother." Man's going on and thine, old friend, isn't bad as we suppose, If we are true and ready too, to go and meet with those Who've passed this way as we pass on our loved ones and our blest. Yea, not so bad, old landmark friend, if we have done our best. So fare thee well, old landmark friend, friend we'll miss, alas ! You did your part, you served your age, it's but your right to pass. It's but your right to pass away, make room for blocks anew; And so, we too, will serve our age, pass on, pass on as you. 132 SOCIAL POEMS IT'S YOU When my soul's engulfed in darkness; When the tears begin to flow; When words seem not to comfort; When no one else can know Just why my heart is aching, And cannot understand; I seek thee, life's companion In fancy feel thy hand. My heart is stirred and warmed, I know you're the friend so true; In spirit still you guide me, My loving wife, it's you. Sausages SAUSAGES 135 'LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE IT" If life is what we make it What about your mother-in-law? Whose fault is it that she comes round, Forever works her jaw? If life is what we make it What about a boil on your leg? Did you make that, or inherit it? Come down a notch or a peg! If life is what we make it What about the Johnstown flood? "You lie!" said one to Mikey Flynn. He soaked ME with a club. If life is what we make it Johnny Jones, look here ! I sat alone, when, zip! there came An egg and hit my ear ! Now tell me, sir, what did I do As peacefully I sat, And did not say or do a thing But got a swat like that? 136 SAUSAGES If life is what we make it And I got rotten egged Oh lordy massa! Mary Ann! I'll next become peg-legged! And then what's next, I cannot tell, Suppose I'll lose my "goat," If I lose that I'm gone for sure They'll surely have me soaked! Is life then what we make it? The devil adds a fling: "I get the knocks the 'old boy' sends I'm blamed for the whole dern thing." SAUSAGES 137 WHY MY WIFE LEFT ME My wifey dear is large and husky, in fact a trained athlete. Had won all honors in her gym; with Samson could compete. She practiced well with big dumb bell; could double quick the hall; Swimming tank and rowing boat well captain of them all. Domestic science, her long suit; her tasty home-made bread Was due to the use of the rolling pin she practiced on my head. My wife, she seemed to love me that's what the neighbors said She practiced every cooking day by soaking my poor head. I bought a car; most stylish clothes were hers, and not a few; I did my level best to be her sweetheart tried and true. I cut the wood, washed dishes too, swept and made the bed. Despite all this she left because she couldn't soak my head. 138 SAUSAGES She told me how to brush my hair and said I should be fat When I was lean she wanted me round instead of flat. I ate and ate and ate some more; 'twas eating for her sake; In fact did almost everything but try to cook and bake. My wife did that her arm is strong I swept and made the bed. But wifey dear, she left because she couldn't soak my head. And now I am a lonesome man, I'm sorry "we're all in;" That is, I would be sorry quite, if not for the rolling pin. Guess I will call and see her ma and tell her how it went; For really now, I love my wife and on her love I'm bent. # # # * * # I've seen her ma and seen her pa, and it's all right they said, And she'll come back, be my sweet wife, stop soaking my poor head. Autos honk, fools croak, cranks kick, but men hoe corn. SAUSAGES 139 WHY I AM SINGLE I built a house, and furnished it and planned a real good time, Had done my best to own a home, the best one of its kind. I took "her" there, walked 'bout the place and showed her all around; She led me under a true lover's moon and there she turned me down. Another time I bought a car and diamonds too, you bet; And thought right there I was secure with a bride, the best one yet. I took her out to "joy ride," no better road e'er found, As we rode under a true lover's moon, O me, she turned me down. Then one fine day I bought a farm and stocked it well, you see; I talked it over with my girl, she promised to love me And then her mother came our way a mother with a frown She led me under a true lover's moon and there SHE turned me down. 140 SAUSAGES One time I set my mind to get the fairest girl, you know, I won her heart and thought her hand was mine as well, by Joe ! When I set out to see her pa who lived just out of town, He led me under a true lover's moon and there HE turned me down. / Since then I've given up the chase, it hardly seems worth while, So I'm content to live a batch a batch right up to style And work and save and play the part of a man with great renown And won't be led under any moon to let 'EM turn me down. When in doubt kick your preacher it will relieve your feelings and maybe he needs its. That's the way the world seems to view the preacher business. SAUSAGES 141 SUPPOSE Suppose you were a mother-in-law, One of the talkative kind? How would you like to be muzzled Or soaked away in brine? Suppose you were a little dog, One of the higher class? How would you like to be labeled With a collar made of brass? Suppose you were a real ducky, A duck that flies and swims? How would you like to live on eels Or fish that have big fins? Suppose you were a black spider, The poisonous kind, you know? How would you like to be caged up And travel with a show? Suppose you were an elephant, With trunk so long and fine? How would you like to eat peanuts And travel all the time? Suppose you were a big jackass, (And that's not saying much,) How would you like to be prodded? Come on! what say you Dutch? 142 SAUSAGES Suppose you were a dog-gone fool And didn't have 'a cent, How would you pay for coal and wood Or even pay your rent? Suppose you were a trick monkey, The show kind in a cage, What would you think of living then, If fed on nuts and sage? Suppose your wife had just left you, Had left and gone away? O say, where would you sleep at night, In bed, or stack of hay? Suppose you're I and I were you, And both were "Batty Bills"? O cut it out this word "Suppose" And give me Munyon's pills. "Suppose? Suppose?" "Hey cut it out I've heard enough for me." Suppose just for a kid, suppose, Suppose, you're Patty's flea? SAUSAGES 143 THE HIGH COST OF LIVING "Will the si.-e of the loaf be smaller? This is the question that worries consumers as the price of wheat goes upward." News item. Will the size of the loaf be smaller? for heaven's sake say, "No." It will drive me to the mad house, to the calaboose I'll go. How could a loaf be smaller? (O heavens give us hope ! ) It can't be seen, if smaller 'tis, without a micro scope. I used to buy a loaf of bread; on it my family feed, And when the meal was over with we had some left "for seed." But O, ye gods! who make our laws and now our bread do bake ! For heaven's sake! don't cut it down; I'll have the belly ache. That stomach ache, will ache, 'cause can't you under stand? A little loaf will irritate worse than a grain of sand. I'd rather die of starving; run over by a "chauf," Than be killed off with a bit of dough made into a smaller loaf. 144 SAUSAGES WHAT A WIFE SHOULD EXPECT FROM HER HUSBAND What a wife should expect from her husband? Why nothing, you should know that Except, once in a very long while, A new winter coat or a hat. Why should she expect or even dare think Of things from her husband, her "lord?" If he gives her a room perchance a new broom, And stately allows her board? What a wife should expect from her husband Is meager and scrubby and flat; For isn't he lord of all creation ! And doesn't she know all of that? If she has a room and soup once a day, Is allowed the care of her child; What more does she want, in this age of the world? I forgot, she might want a smile. What a Wife Should Expect From Her Husband 145 For parties and outing; for friendships and dance She never should give them a care; Should wait on his lordship, take wash ings, perchance Look after the dear children's hair. - That's pleasure enough, aye, plenty "me lord," And that's quite enough for a bride, So let her remember her place and her work, Her husband, the kids and fireside. % ;J< % ^e % 3f But then, women dear, there are men and there 're men, There are men and lovers of wives, Who see that their helpmeets have everything nice From smiling to friendships and drives. A wife should expect from her husband that's human The very best time in the world; And the one who deprives her, this privi lege and pleasure Is the worst of a devilish churl. 146 SAUSAGES WHAT A MAN SHOULD EXPECT FROM HIS WIFE What a man should expect from his wife? Why, every thing under the sun From cutting the wood for his breakfast, To wadding and cleaning his gun. A wife that's good "lays her hand to the distaff;" Takes washing and sharpens her knife; Most everything he can hope or expect He surely should have from his wife. When baby's asleep, (he, snoring in bed), Let her darn up all of the socks; Learn patching too, how husbands are fed, Then walk with the wash ten blocks. She can write, she can cook, raise cash for the rent; She can paint, make over old hats; While husband is out on pleasure bent Can even kill roaches and rates. With this we are judging some of your men, But you can just bet your sweet lives There are plenty of men that you and I know, Don't expect quite so much from their wives. SAUSAGES 147 WHAT'S WRONG WITH MATRIMONY? What's wrong with matrimony? "Why, man, the whole blame thing!" That's what the bachelors tell you, that's what the bachelors sing. They have no wives or babies, no grocery bills or rent, No coal; no gowns to buy; for self there's every cent. No handy rolling pin; no feathers, waists or hats. No mothers-in-law there are; no extra beds or flats. But think! ye men, there's no sweet wife to greet you with a smile, No little ones to call you "dad" and play with you the while. What's wrong with holy matrimony? Say man, why take the fling? If man and wife are mated right, there's not one single thing. Lose you temper and you've lost your game. SAUSAGES CATCHING A MORNING TRAIN Did you ever rise at three A. M. to catch a morning train? For if you have, I'll bet a dime you won't do so again And did you hear the dread alarm, at three, beneath your bed? That is, you thought 'twas three o'clock, 'twas two-fifteen instead. Did you repose again to sleep, to sleep with one eye open? Did you doze off a dozen times and wake scared stiff or frozen? And then at last the time had past, and starting from a doze You leaped from bed, clear 'cross the room and nearly broke your nose Against the blasted old gas yet, a-stick- ing from the wall? Then did you pick up all your clothes and steal into the hall, So's not to wake your sleeping wife and in the u spare room" dress? And were you only half awake, O tell me, no or yes? Then did you get one pant leg on or was it the wrong sock; And pinch yourself to get awake; look squarely at the clock And saw your dumfounded alarm was thirty minutes late? Then did you storm, and fuss, and fume, and say, "That's just my fate"? SAUSAGES 149 And did you have but one shoe on, the other need a lace? Then did you squirm and sweat, and fret and make a dreadful face? And did you get one shirt sleeve on and try to get the other When all at once your shirt you tore and had to get another? The time was flying fast away; likewise your coming train Was flying toward your town depot, and you almost insane? Then did you get a collar button and try to put it on, When, thunderation ! Carrie Nation! you found that it was gone? Then after scrambling on the floor, be neath the dresser too; Then did you bruise your knee or shin, and step upon a screw? Say, did you then forsake the hunt, de cide to get one more? When hang the gas ! the thing went out you bumped against the door. At last all dressed you thought you were no brush had touched your pate, You ran half way, till out of breath, and found the train was late ! ! And did you then we will not mention what you thought and said Determine the next three o'clock would find you snug in bed? SAUSAGES THE TALKATIVE MAN Have you ever met the man who can talk Say, a leg off a piano stool? He'll back the women who can talk off the earth, His tongue is a wonderful tool. He talks 'bout rain, or perhaps 'bout weather; It may be the lodge that he loves; His lodge talk he'll talk, as you sit or you walk; Or maybe it's horses or doves. Or golf it may be what a golfer he is! On tennis his tongue may run, How well he can serve what knack! and what nerve ! And the medals this talker has won (?) In his MIND, has won, or is yet to win; But he talks of HIS "serves" and HIS gait; 0, this lawn tennis man; women, beat if you can Any woman he'll talk off the slate. It may be baseball that now turns his tongue, Baseball just see that broad smile! This wild baseball fan O this talkative man Has woman backed down by a mile. THE TALKATIVE MAN 151 Then another he tells a whopper this time The truth, you are sure that he bends, But he's got you held fast and you wait till the last Of the tale that you think never ends. He talks and he talks; and he talks and he talks; This talking, most talkative man, Like a clock that is wound and will never run down; Among dames find his equal. Who can? Or maybe just now, it's some business deal: How HE managed to "put the deal thru" ! How a million he won! in HIS MIND O the fun (?) When the talkative man gets at you! Fun for HIM, don't you know, O this talkative man! You think of your time you would flee. But when you would go, he continues, says, "No Just wait now that 'reminds me'." 152 SAUSAGES THE TALKATIVE WOMAN Do you know the talkative woman; the woman who talks and talks? The talkative kind of a woman she talks, and she talks and she talks. The woman who talks is a talkative woman and a woman talker still talks. The woman who talks and continues to talk, is a talka tive woman she talks. The talkative kind of a talkative woman, is a woman who talks while talking. A talking talker, is a woman who talks, and talks while talking and talking. A talking talkative kind of a talking woman who talks, Is a woman who's talkative about all she talks and then continues her talks. This talking, talkative talks talking woman, is a woman who talks talking talks, And a talking talkative, talker woman, is the same as another who talks. So talking or talker; talkative or talks; she's a woman who talks talking talks, And a talker, talkative talker is a woman who talks, talks, talks and talks. THE TALKATIVE WOMAN 153 A talking kind of a talkative woman is a talkative woman who talks. And a talkative kind of a talking woman, is a talking talker who talks. A talker kind of a talking woman, is a talkative woman who talks. And a talkative talker woman is a talkative talker who talks. A talking, talker, talkative woman, is a talkative talker who talks, And a talkative, talker, talking woman is the woman who talks and talks and talks. We get out of the world as much as we put into it, and more what's your share? 154 SAUSAGES THE WAY TO FIGHT MOSQUITOES The way to fight mosquitoes? That's easy, Uncle Ned; Just hit 'em on the cranium until they are dead. Poison them, drown them, soak 'em on the head; Any way to fight them so that they are dead. '"4*v Of course the purple martins, they say, on them are fed, But the way to fight mosquitoes, is just to kill them dead. Don't cork 'em in the stom-jack or swat 'em in the bed Unless you hit 'em hard enough to kill 'em dead, dead. A mosquito has a dozen lives (some, twenty- four 'tis said) I guess it's nearer fifty when they're not dead. A dead mosquito, half alive, will pester any head That's short of hair, unless he's sure enough dead, dead. So go at 'em with pitchfork, galting gun or lead. So long as you are sure that they're dead, dead, dead. SAUSAGES 155 A SKUNK USES VIOLENCE A MAN NEVER! ! A SKYLARK'S ODE TO THE FORD Where are you going, my happy man? "I'm going to buy a car," said Ham; So the son of Ham and Ham himself, And Ham's son's Ham and Ham's young elf, Ham's Cousin Kate and Uncle McCord; In fact, the whole Ham family bought a Ford. You cannot afford to make enemies the devil sends plenty without your aid. 156 SAUSAGES ODE TO A POWDER RAG The phrase "To be or not to be," is never said to a powder rag; It's sure "to be" my lady says, so carefully sticks it in her bag. "O you dear thing, you powder rag, rag of long ago; The older we are, the more the years, the greater our love doth grow. "I cherish you, my powder rag, rag of many climes; To date, I've used you day and night, two thousand million times. "I could not live apart from thee; my love for thee doth burn, I'll part with many other friends you're used at every turn. "I use you early, use you late, my tootsy powder puff, I use you on a railway train, I take you in my muff. "No harm shall ever come to you, on hillside, dell or plain, If I'm too hot I use you much; too cold, I do the same. ODE TO A POWDER RAG 157 "Day in, day out, in cold or heat, you stay close to my side, And spur me on to powder up, to rival any bride. "Apart from thee, I could not live, our parting never be! I'll sing with operatic style, and rag-time, rag, to thee." You believe in me; I believe in you; and all believe in God; means the sal vation of the world. If ye seek ye shall find argal put on your specs. 1 58 SAUSAGES REMAKING MYSELF The psychologists say we can be made over- In temperment. They say we now can be made over. Is that from head to toe? If this be the real meaning, Here's what I want, by Joe ! I want no freckles on my skin. Put beauty spots instead; For luck give me a mole or two Then please, a whole new head. Put in that head more brains you bet; O, brains with common sense; Then make my daily earning power Worth more than thirty cents. And while you're doing up the job GivTe disposition new, And sprinkle round some patience mild And make me Dutch instead of Jew. Remove my nose which is too large, And make my teeth look straight ; And make my ears more like a man's Not a jackass's mate. And don't forget that mouth of mine It really is too large, And says too much the whole day long- And then, this bill, please charge. And when you have me made all over And I am not myself; Just send the bill to whom I was, And keep the change yourself. SAUSAGES 150 EASTER We should think of the Eastertide, Of Christ and the Easter Morn, Of the sepulchre wide open, Of the joy that Christ was born. We should think of life eternal, Of loving deeds and "Acts" But nay, the question eternal: What about our Easter hats? Love is the mainspring of all that is godly therefore get love. I have been a sucker were you ever caught? 160 SAUSAGES DETERMINNAYSHUN I'll plan my work, I'll follow it, For I'm on victory bent; For all the strength and will I need The gods to me hath lent. I know there's something I can do In this great world I'm in; The gods give me desire to do; Desire has ever been. I see around me many men Who work with skillful hand; And I affirm God means I, too, Can do what others can. Of course, there's something I can do And be at it expert; I'll find that work and follow it - If I have to tear my shirt. To love me because I love you is well, but to love me if I don't love you is great 'tis divine. "PIKE'S PEAK OR BUST" IS A LECTURE Tilled with Bombs, Dynamite, Thunder-bolts and Catling Guns. IT IS TO THINK AND LAUGH. An evening of sense and nonsense; humorous, thrilling and dramatic. PS 3503 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACIUTY Mill) II 1 1 III" III ii in ii in" I" 11 IMM ' A 000926436 7