MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN;
OR,
A CADET'S FIEST YEAE IN INDIA.
CAPTAIN BELLEW.
ILLUSTRATED FROM DESIGNS BY THE AUTHOR.
A NEW EDITION.
LONDON:
H. ALLEN & CO., 13, WATERLOO PLACE, S.W.,
PUBLISHERS TO THE INDIA OFFICE.
1880.
LONDON :
PRINTED BY WOODFALL AND KINDER,
MTLFORD LANE, STRAND, W.C.
MfcNKT
TO
MAJOR-GEN. Sm EGBERT CUNLIFFE, BAHT., C.B.,
OF
ACTON PARK, DENBIGHSHIRE, LATE COMMISSARY-GENERAL OF
THE BENGAL ARMY,
IN WHOSE DEPARTMENT THE AUTHOR HAD FOR SOME YEARS
THE HONOUR TO SERVE,
THIS LITTLE WORK
18 RESPECTFULLY DEDICATED, AS A MARK OF HIS SINCERE ESTEEM.
514766
PREFACE.
GOOD wine, says the proverb, needs no bush; on the
same principle, some will think that a book, if readable,
may dispense with a preface. As a general rule this may
be true, but there are occasions, and I take leave to deem
this one of them, when, from the peculiar nature of the
subject, a few preliminary observations, by creating a
clear and possibly a pleasant understanding between the
author and the gentle reader, may not be unacceptable or
out of place. In the following little narrative, in which
I have blended fact and fiction though always endea-
vouring to keep the vraisemllable in view my object
has been to depict some of those scenes, characters, and
adventures, which some five-and-twenty or thirty years
ago a " jolly cadet" alias a Griffin was likely to
encounter, during the first year of his military career ;
men, manners, and things in general have, since that
period, undergone considerable changes ; still, in its main
features, the sketch I have drawn, admitting its original
correctness, will doubtless apply as well to Griffins in
the present mature age of the century, as when it was in
its teens. The Griffin, or Greenhorn, indeed, though
Vlll PREFACE.
subject, like everything else, to the external changes
incident to time and fashion, is, perhaps, fundamentally
and essentially, one of the "never ending, still begin-
ning " states, or phases of humanity, destined to exist till
the " crash of doom."
The characters which I have introduced in my nar-
rative (for the most part as transiently as the fleeting
shadows of a magic latern across a spectrum) are all
intended to represent respectively classes having more or
less of an Oriental stamp, some still existing unchanged
others on the wane and a few, I would fain hope,
who, like the Trunnions and Westerns (parva componere
magnis] of the last age have wholly disappeared before
the steadily increasing light of knowledge and civiliza-
tion influences destructive of those coarse humours,
narrow prejudices, and eccentric traits, which, however
amusing in the pages of the novelist, are wondrously
disagreeable in real life. It is true, the gradual dis-
appearance of these coarser features imposes on the
painter of life and manners the necessity of cultivating a
nicer perception of working with a finer pencil, and of
seizing and embodying the now less obvious indications of
the feelings and passions the more delicate lights and
shades of mind and character but still in parting in a
great measure with the materials for coarse drollery and
broad satire, the world perhaps on the whole will be a
gainer ; higher feelings will be addressed than those
which minister to triumph and imply humiliation : for
though 'tis well to laugh at folly and expose it 'twere
perhaps better to have no folly or error to laugh at and
expose.
In the following pages, my wish has been to amuse,
PREFACE. IX
and where I could without detriment to the professedly
light and jocular character of the work to instruct and
improve. To hurt or offend has never entered into my
contemplation if such could ever be my object, I should
not do it under a mask.
I deem it necessary to make this observation en
passant, lest, like a young officer I once heard of in
India, who, conscience-stricken on hearing some of his
besetting sins, as he thought, pointedly denounced, flung
out of the church, declaring " there was no standing the
chaplain's personalities," some of my readers should
think that I have been taking, under cover, a sly shot at
themselves or friends. That the characters lightly
sketched in these Memoirs have been taken from life
i.e., that the ideas of them have been furnished by real
personages I in some measure candidly allow, though I
have avoided making the portraits invidiously exact ; as
in a dream, busy fancy weaves a tissue of events out of
the stored impressions of the brain, so, of course, the
writer of a story must in like manner, though with more
congruity, arrange and embody his scattered recollections,
though not necessarily in the exact shape and order in
which the objects, &c., originally presented themselves.
Moreover, I believe I may safely add, that the originals
of my sketches have, for the most part, long since
brought " life's fitful fever " to a close.
To the kind care of the public I now consign the
" Griffin," particularly to that portion of it connected
with India, a country where my best days have been
spent, the scene of some of my happiest hours, as alas !
of my severest trials and bereavements ; hoping, on
account of his " youth," they will take him under their
X PREFACE.
especial protection. To the critics I also commend him,
trusting, if they have " any bowels," that they will, for
the same reason, deal with him tenderly.
London queen of cities ! on sympathetic grounds, I
hope for your munificent patronage. Griffins* are your
supporters, then why not support my " Griffin ? "
If encouraged by the smiles of a " discriminating
public," I may, at some future period, impart the late
Brevet Captain Gernon's post-griffinish experiences
amongst Burmahs, Pindarics, and " Chimeras dire," with
his " impressions of home," as contained in the remain-
ing autobiography of that lamented gentleman, who
sunk under a gradual decay of nature and a schirrous
liver, some time during the last hot summer.
It is proper I should state that these Memoirs, in a
somewhat different form, first saw the light in the pages
of the Asiatic Journal.
* The arms of the City of London supported by Griffins or Wyverns.
LIST OF ILLUSTEATIONS.
PACK
Mr. Cadet Gernon, anxious to discover a Royal Bengal Tiger,
falls in with a Bear . 60
General Capsicum on board the Roticribeam Castle ... 66
Griff, on Landing, besieged by Baboos 74
Returning from the Hog-hunt 351
Ensign Rattleton receiving Morning Reports from the Fat Lord
and the Red Lion 177
The Native Court-Martial 202
Griffin Mudlarking in the Jheels 246
Colonel Heliogabalus Bluff and Orderly taking Morning Stroll . 253
Griffin Marching to Join in Patriarchal Style .... 336
The Last Night of his Griffinage Marpeet Royal . . . 372
X PREFACE.
especial protection. To the critics I also commend him,
trusting, if they have " any bowels," that they will, for
the same reason, deal with him tenderly.
London queen of cities ! on sympathetic grounds, I
hope for your munificent patronage. Griffins* are your
supporters, then why not support my " Griffin ? "
If encouraged by the smiles of a " discriminating
public," I may, at some future period, impart the late
Brevet Captain Gernon's post-griffinish experiences
amongst Burmahs, Pindarics, and " Chimeras dire," with
his "impressions of home," as contained in the remain-
ing autobiography of that lamented gentleman, who
sunk under a gradual decay of nature and a schirrous
liver, some time during the last hot summer.
It is proper I should state that these Memoirs, in a
somewhat different form, first saw the light in the pages
of the Asiatic Journal.
* The arms of the City of London supported by Griffins or Wyrerns.
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS.
PACK
Mr. Cadet Gernon, anxious to discover a Royal Bengal Tiger,
falls in with a Bear . 60
General Capsicum on board the Rottcribeam Castle ... 66
Griff, on Landing, besieged by Baboos 74
Returning from the Hog-hunt . .. . .. . 351
Ensign Rattleton receiving Morning Reports from the Fat Lord
and the Red Lion . 177
The Native Court-Martial . . , . . . .202
Griffin Mudlarking in the Jheels 246
Colonel Heliogabalus Bluff and Orderly taking Morning Stroll . 253
Griffin Marching to Join in Patriarchal Style .... 336
The Last Night of his Griffinage Marpeet Royal . . .372
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
CHAPTER I.
PLEASANT days of my Griffinhood ! green oasis of
life's desert waste ! thoughtless, joyous, happy season,
when young Hope told " her flattering tale," and novelty
broke sweetly upon a heart unsated by the world, with
what fond and regretful emotions do I now look back
upon you through the long, dim, dreary vista of five-
and- twenty years !
But I think I hear a raw reader exclaim, " Griffins !
are there griffins in the East ? " " Assuredly, sir. Did
you never hear of the law of Zoroaster, quoted in
Zadig, by which griffins' flesh is prohibited to be eaten ?
Griffins are so common at the different presidencies of
India that nobody looks at them, and most of these
animals are very tame." I will not, however, abuse the
traveller's privilege.
Griffin, or more familiarly a Griff, is an Anglo-Indian
cant term applied to all new-comers, whose lot has been
cast in the " gorgeous East." Whether the appellation
has any connection with the fabulous compound, the
gryps or gryphon of armorial blazoning, is a point
which I feel myself incompetent to decide.* A
griffin is the Johnny Newcome of the East, one whose
European manners and ideas stand out in ludicrous
* Milton speaks of the Gryphon as a "guardian of gold," but that
can clearly have no connection with our animal, whose propensities in
respect to the precious metals are quite of an opposite tendency.
B
2 DEMOTES OF A GRIFFIN.
relief when contrasted with those, so essentially different
in most respects, which appertain to the new country of
his sojourn. The ordinary period of griffinhood is a
year, hy which time the novus homo, if apt, is supposed
to have acquired a sufficient familiarity with the language,
hahits, customs, and manners of the country, hoth
Anglo-Indian and Native, so as to preclude his making
himself supremely ridiculous by "blunders, gaucheries,
and the indiscriminate application of English standards
to states of things to which those rules are not always
exactly adapted. To illustrate hy example : a good-
natured Englishman, who should present a Brahmin who
worships the cow with a hottle of beef-steak sauce, would
be decidedly " griffinish," particularly if he could be
made acquainted with the nature of the gift ; neverthe-
less, beef -steak, per se, is an excellent thing in an
Englishman's estimation, and a better still with the
addition of the before-mentioned condiment. But to
return to our subject.
At the termination, then, of the above-mentioned
period, our griffin, if he has made the most of his time,
becomes entitled to associate on pretty equal terms
with those sun-dried specimens of the genus homo,
familiarly called the " old hands :" subs of fifteen years'
standing, grey-headed captains, and superannuated
majors, critics profound in the merits of a curry, or the
quality of a batch of Hodgson's pale ale. He ceases to
be the butt of his regiment, and persecutes in his turn,
with the zeal of a convert, all novices not blessed with
his modicum of local experience.
Youth is proverbially of a plastic nature, and the
juvenile griffin, consequently, in the majority of instances,
readily accommodates himself to the altered circumstances
in which he is placed; but not so the man of mature
years, to whose moral and physical organization forty or
fifty winters have imparted their rigid and unmalleable
influences. Griffins of this description, which commonly
comprises bishops, judges, com manders-in- chief, and
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 6
gentlemen sent out on .special missions, &c., protract
their griffinage commonly during the whole period of
their stay in the country, and never acquire the peculiar
knowledge which entitles them to rank with the initiated.
The late most excellent Bishop Heber, for example, who
to the virtues of a Christian added all the qualities which
could adorn the scholar and gentleman, was nevertheless
an egregious griffin, as a perusal of his delightful travels
in India, written in all the singleness of his benevolent
heart, must convince any one acquainted with the charac-
ter of the country and the natives of India.
Autobiographers love to begin a b ovo, and I see no
reason why I should wholly deviate from a custom doubly
sanctioned by reason and established usage. It is curious
sometimes to trace the gradual development of character
in " small " as well as in " great" men ; to note the little
incidents which often determine the nature of our future
career, and describe the shootings of the young idea at
that vernal season when they first begin to expand into
trees of good or evil. In an old manor-house, not thirty
miles from London, on a gloomy November day, I first
saw the light. Of the home of my infancy I remember
little but my nursery, a long, bare, whitewashed apart-
ment, with a tall, diamond-paned window, half obscured
by the funereal branches of a venerable yew-tree. This
window looked. out, I remember, on the village church-
yard, thickly studded with the moss-grown memorials of
successive generations. In that window- seat I used to
sit for many a weary hour, watching the boys idling on
the gravestones, the jackdaws wheeling their airy circles
round the spire, or the parson's old one-eyed horse crop-
ping the rank herbage, which sprouted fresh and green
above the silent dust of many a " village Hampden."
The recollections of infancy, like an old picture, become
often dim and obscure, but here and there particular
events, like bright lights and rich Eembrandt touches, re-
main deeply impressed, which seem to defy the effects of
time ; of this kind is a most vivid recollection I have of
B 2
4 MEMOIRS OF A GKIFFIN.
a venerable uncle of my mother's, an old Indian, who
lived with us, and whose knee I always sought when I
could give nurse the slip. My great uncle Frank always
welcomed me to his little sanctum in the green parlour,
and having quite an Arab's notion of the sacred rights of
hospitality, invariably refused to give me up when nurse,
puffing and foaming, would waddle in to reclaim me. I
shall never forget the delight I derived from his pleasant
stories and the white sugar- candy, of which he always
kept a stock on hand. Good old man ! he died full of
years, and was the first of a long series of friends whose
loss I have had to lament.
My father was, truly, that character emphatically styled
"an Irish gentleman," in whom the suavity of the French-
man was combined with much of the fire and brilliancy
of his native land. Though of an ancient family, his for-
tune, derived from an estate in the sister kingdom, was
very limited, the " dirty acres " having somehow or other,
from generation to generation, become " small by
degrees, and beautifully less." He was of a tender
frame, and of that delicate, sensitive, nervous tempera-
ment, which, though often the attendant on genius,
which he unquestionably possessed, little fits those so
constituted to buffet with the world, or long to endure
its storms. He died in the prime of manhood, when
I was very young, and left my mother to struggle with
those difficulties which are always incident to a state of
widowhood, with a numerous family and a limited in-
come. The deficiency of fortune was, however, in her
case, compensated by the energies of a masculine under-
standing, combined with an untiring devotion to the
interest and welfare of her children.
Trades and professions in England are almost as com-
pletely hereditary as among the castes of India. The
great Franklin derived his " ponderous strength," physi-
cal if not intellectual, from a line of Blacksmiths, and
I, Frank Gernon, inherit certain atrabilious humours,
maternally, from a long series of very respectable " Qui
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 5
Hyes."* Yes, my mother's family father, grandfather,
uncles, and cousins had all served with exemplary
fidelity that potent merchant-monarch affectionately
termed in India the Honourable John (though degraded,
I am sorry to say, into an " old woman " by his native
subjects) ; they had all flourished for more than a cen-
tury under the shade of the " rupee tree," a plant of
Hesperidean virtues, whose fructiferous powers, alas !
have since their time sadly declined. These, my mater-
nal progenitors, were men both of the sword and pen ;
some had filled high civil stations with credit, whilst
others, under the banners of a Olive, a Lawrence,
or a Munro, had led " Ind's dusky chivalry " to war, and
participated in many of those glorious, but now time-
mellowed exploits, from which the splendid fabric of our
Eastern dominions has arisen. This, and other circum-
stances on which I shall briefly touch, combined to
point my destiny to the gorgeous East. My mother,
for the reasons given, and the peculiar facilities which
she consequently had for establishing us in that quarter,
had from an early period looked fondly to India as the
theatre for the future exertions of her sons. But long
before the period of my departure arrived indeed I may
say almost from infancy I had been inoculated by my
mother, my great uncle, and sundry parchment-faced
gentlemen who frequented our house, with a sort of Indo-
mania. I was never tired of hearing of its people, their
manners, dress, &c., and was perfectly read on the sub-
ject of alligators and Bengal tigers. I used, indeed,
regularly and systematically to persecute and bore every
Anglo-Indian that came in my way for authentic accounts
of their history and mode of destruction, &c. One most
benevolent old gentleman, a fine specimen of the Indian
of other days, and a particular friend of my family, used
to "fool us to the top of our bent" in that way. I say
us, for the Indo-mania was not confined to myself.
* Cant term for residents in the Bengal Presidency "Qui Hye,"
" who wait," being constantly addressed to servants.
6 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
My mother, too, used to entertain us with her experi-
ences, which served to feed the ardent longing which I
felt to visit the East. How often in the winter evenings of
pleasant " lang syne," when the urn hissed on the table,
and the cat purred on the comfortable rug, has our then
happy domestic circle listened with delight to her account
of that far-distant land ! What respect did the sonorous
names of Bangalore and Cuddalore, and Nundy Droog
and Severn Droog, and Hookhaburdar and Soontabur-
dars, and a host of others, excite in our young minds !
In what happy accordance with school-boy thoughts were
the descriptions she gave us of the fruits of that sunny
clime the luscious mango the huge jack the refresh-
ing guava and, above all, the delicious custard- apple, a
production which I never in the least doubted contained
the exact counterpart of that pleasant admixture of milk
and eggs which daily excited my longing eyes amongst
the tempting display of a pastry-cook's window ! Some-
times she rose to higher themes, in which the pathetic or
adventurous predominated. How my poor cousin Will
fell by the dagger of an assassin at the celebrated mas-
sacre of Patna ; and how another venturous relative shot
a tiger on foot, thereby earning the benedictions of a whole
community of peaceful Hindoos, whose village had long
been the scene of his midnight maraudings : this story,
by the way, had a dash of the humorous in it, though
relating in the main to a rather serious affair. It never
lost its raciness by repetition, and whenever my mother
told it, which at our request she frequently did, and
approached what we deemed the comic part, our risibles
were always on full-cock for a grand and simultaneous
explosion of mirth.
Well, time rolled on; I had doubled the Cape of
Good Hope, sweet sixteen, and the ocean of life and
adventure lay before me. I stood five feet nine inches
in my stockings, and possessed all the aspirations
common to my age. " Frank, my love," one day said
my mother to me, at the conclusion of breakfast, " I
MEMOIRS OP A GRIFFIN. 7
have good news for you ; that most henevolent of men,
Mr. Versanket, has complied with my application, and
given me an infantry cadetship for you ; here," she con-
tinued, " is his letter, read it, and ever retain, as I trust
you will, a lively sense of his goodness." I eagerly
seized the letter, and read the contents with a kind of
ecstasy. It expressed sympathy in my mother's difficul-
ties, and an invitation to me to come to London and
take advantage of his offer.
I will not dwell on the parting scenes. Suffice it to
say, that I embraced those dear objects of my affection,
many of whom I was never destined to embrace again,
and bid a sorrowful long adieu to the parental roof. I
arrived in the great metropolis, and prepared for my
outfit and departure. Having completed the former
sheets, ducks, jeans, and gingerbread, tobacco to bribe
old Neptune, brandy to mollify the sailors, and all et
ceteras, according to the most approved list of Messrs.
Welsh and Stalker nought remained but to pass the
India House, an ordeal which I was led to view with an
indefinable dread. From whom I received the informa-
tion I now forget, though it was probably from some one
of that mischievous tribe of jokers, who love to sport
with the feelings of youth ; but I was told that it was
absolutely necessary that I should learn by heart, as an
indispensable preliminary to passing, the " Articles of
War and Mutiny Act," then forming one volume. What
was my state of alarm and despondency as I handled
that substantial yellow-backed tome, and reflected on the
task I had to perform of committing its whole contents
to memory in the brief space of one week ! It haunted
me in my dreams, and the thought of it, sometimes
crossing my mind whilst eating, almost suspended the
power of swallowing. I carried it about with me where-
ever I went, applying to it with desperate determination
whenever a leisure moment, of which I had very few,
would admit ; but what I forced into my sensorium one
moment, the eternal noise and racket of London drove
8 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
out of it the next. To cut a long story short, the day
arrived, " the all-important day," big with my fate. I
found myself waiting in the India House, preparatory to
appearing before the directors, and, saving the first two
or three clauses, the "Articles of War " were to me as a
sealed volume. I was in despair ; to be disgraced ap-
peared inevitable. At last came the awful summons, and
I entered the apartment, where, at a large table covered
with green cloth, sat the " potent, grave, and reverend
signiors," who were to decide my fate. One of them, a
very benevolent-looking old gentleman, with a powdered
head, desired me to advance, and having asked me a few
questions touching my name, age, &c., he paused, and,
to my inexpressible alarm, took up a volume -from the
table, which was no other than that accursed piece of
military codification of which I have made mention.
Now, thought I, it comes, and all is over. After turning
over the leaves for some seconds, he said, raising his
head, " I suppose you are well acquainted with the con-
tents of this volume ? " Heaven forgive me ! but the
instinct of self-preservation was strong upon me, and I
mumbled forth a very suspicious "Yes." Ye generous
casuists, who invent excuses for human frailty, plead for
my justification. "Well," continued he, closing the
book, " conduct yourself circumspectly in the situation
in which you are about to enter, and you will acquire
the approbation of your superiors ; you may now retire."
Those who can imagine the feelings of a culprit re-
prieved, after the fatal knot has been comfortably adjusted
by a certain legal functionary ; or those of a curate, with
50 per annum, and fifteen small children, on the an-
nouncement of a legacy of <) 0,000; or those of a
respectable spinster of forty, on having the question un-
expectedly popped ; or, in short, any other situation where
felicity obtrudes unlooked for, may form some idea of
mine ; I absolutely walked on air, relieved from this
incubus, and gave myself up to the most delightful
buoyancy of spirits. A few days more, and Mr. Cadet
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 9
Francis Gernon found himself on board the Eottenleam
Castle, steering down Channel, and with tearful eyes
casting a lingering gaze on the shores of old Eng-
land.
CHAPTER II.
THE first scene of this eventful drama closed with my
embarkation on board the Rottenbeam Castle, bound for
Bengal. Saving an Irish packet, this was the first ship
on which I had ever set foot, and it presented a new
world to my observation a variety of sights and sounds
which, by giving fresh occupation to my thoughts and
feelings, served in some measure to banish the tristful
remembrance of home. All, at first, was a chaos to me ;
but when the confusion incidental to embarkation and
departure (the preliminary shake of this living kaleidos-
cope), a general clearing out of visitors, custom-house
officers, bum-boat women, et hoc genus oinne, had sub-
sided, things speedily fell into that regular order charac-
teristic of vessels of this description each individual
took up his proper position, and entered in an orderly
manner on his prescribed and regular routine of duty ;
and I began to distinguish officers from passengers, and
to learn the rank and importance of each respectively.
Before proceeding further with ship-board scenes, a
slight sketch of a few of the dramatis persona may not
be unacceptable. And first, our commander, the autocrat
of this little empire. Captain McGuffin was a raw-boned
Caledonian, of some six foot three ; a huge, red-headed
man of great physical powers, of which, however, his
whole demeanour, singularly mild, evinced a pleasing
unconsciousness; bating the latter quality, he was just
such a man of nerves and sinews as in the olden time, at
Falkirk or Bannockburn, one could fancy standing like
a tower of strength, amidst the din and clash of arms,
10 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
" slaughing " off heads and arms, muckle broad-sword in
band, with fearful energy and effect. He had a sombre
and fanatical expression of visage ; and I never looked
at his " rueful countenance " but I thought I saw the
genuine descendant of one of those stern covenanters of
yore, of whom I had read one of those "crop-eared
whigs '' who, on lonely moor and mountain, had struggled
for the rights of conscience, and fought with indomitable
obstinacy the glorious fight of freedom.
I soon discovered I was not " alone in my glory," and
that another cadet was destined to share with me the
honours of the " Griffinage." He was a gawky, wide-
mouthed fellow, with locks like a pound of candles, and
trousers half-way up his calves ; one who, from his ap-
pearance, it was fair to infer had never before been ten
miles from his native village. It was a standing source
of wonder to all on board (and to my knowledge the
enigma was never satisfactorily solved), by what strange
concurrence of circumstances, what odd twist of Dame
Fortune's wheel, this Gaspar Hauserish specimen of rus-
ticity had attained to the distinguished honour of being
allowed to sign himself " gentleman cadet," in any
" warrant, bill, or quittance;" but so it was. The old
adage, however, applied in his case ; he turned out event-
ually to be much less of a fool than he looked.
Our first officer, Mr. Gillans, was a thorough seaman,
and a no less thorough John Bull ; he had the then com-
mon detestation of the French and their imputed vices of
insincerity, &c., and in endeavouring to avoid the Scylla
of Gallic deceit, went plump into the Charybdis of Eng-
lish rudeness. He was in truth, a blunt, gruff fellow, who
evidently thought that civility and poltroonery were con-
vertible terms. The captain was the only person whom
his respect for discipline ever allowed him 'to address
without a growl ; in short, the vulgar but expressive
phrase, as " sulky as a bear with a sore head," seemed
made for him expressly, for in no case could it have been
more justly applied. The second mate, Grinnerson, was
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 11
a gentlemanly fellow on the whole, but a most eternal
wag and joker. Cadets had plainly, for many a voyage,
furnished him with subjects for the exercise of his face-
tious vein, and " Tom," i. e. Mr. Thomas Grundy, and
myself, received diurnal roastings at his hands. If I
expressed an opinion, (i Pardon me, my dear sir," he
would say, with mock gravity, " but it strikes me that,
being only a cadet, you can know nothing about it ; " or,
" in about ten years hence, when you get your commis-
sion, your opinion 'on things in general' may be valu-
able." If I flew out, or the peaceable Grundy evinced a
disposition to " hog his back,*' he would advise us to keep
our temper, to be cool, assuring us, with dry composure,
that the " cadets on the last voyage were never permitted
to get into a passion." In a word, he so disturbed my
self-complacency, that I long gravely debated the question
with myself, whether I ought not to summon him to the
lists when I got to India, there to answer for his misdeeds.
As the voyage drew towards a close, however, he let off
the steam of his raillery considerably, and treated us with
more deference and respect ; thereby showing that he had
studied human nature, and knew how to restore the
equilibrium of a young man's temper, by adding to the
weight in the scale of self-esteem. Our doctor and purser
are the only two more connected with the ship whom I
shall notice. The first, Cackleton by name, was a delicate,
consumptive, superfine person, who often reminded me of
the injunction, "physician, heal thyself." He ladled out
the soup with infinite grace, and was quite the ladies' man.
His manners, indeed, would have been gentlemanly and
unexceptionable had they not been for ever pervaded by
an obviously smirking consciousness on his part that
they were so. As for Cheesepare, the purser, all I shall
record of him is, that by a happy fortune he had dropped
into the exact place for which nature and his stars
appeared to have designed him. He looked like a purser
spoke like a purser ate and drank like a purser and
locked himself up for three or four hours per diem with
12 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
his books and ledgers like a very praiseworthy purser.
Moreover, he carved for a table of thirty or forty, with
exemplary patience, and possessed the happy knack of
disposing of the largest quantity of meat in the smallest
given quantity of time of any man I ever met with, in
order to be ready for a renewed round at the mutton.
Of passengers we had the usual number and variety :
civilians, returning with wholesale stocks of English and
continental experiences and recollections of the aristo-
cratic association, &c., for Mofussil consumption ; old
officers, going back to ensure their " off-reckonings "
preparatory to their final "off-reckoning ;" junior part-
ners in mercantile houses ; sixteenth cousins from Torres
and Invernesshire obeying the spell of kindred attraction
(would that we had a little more of its influence south of
the Tweed ! ) ; officers to supply the wear and tear of
cholera and dysentery in his (then) Majesty's regiments;
matrons returning to expectant husbands, and bright-
eyed spinsters to get a peep at the country nothing
more ; then we had an assistant-surgeon or two, more
au fait at whist than Galenicals, and the two raw,
unfledged griffins to wit, Grundy and myself com-
pleted the list. But of the afore- mentioned variety, I
shall only select half a dozen for particular description,
and as characteristic of the mass.
First, there was Colonel Kilbaugh, a colonel of cavalry
and ex-resident of Paugulabad, who, in spite of his
high-heeled Hobys, was a diminutive figure, pompous, as
little men generally are, and so anxious, apparently, to
convince the world that he had a soul above his inches,
that egad, sir, it was dangerous for a man above the
common standard of humanity to look at him, or differ
in opinion in the slightest degree. His was in truth
A fiery soul, which, working out its way,
Fretted the pigmy body to decay.
He excelled (in his own estimation) in long stories,
which he told with an extraordinary minuteness of detail.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 13
They generally began with, "Shortly after I was ap-
pointed to the residency of Paugulabad," or, " The year
before, or two years after, I left the residency of Paugu-
labad:" in short, that was his chronological starting-
point. The colonel's yarns principally (though not
entirely) related to wonderful sporting exploits, and the
greater the bounce the more scrupulously exact was he
in the minutiae, magnanimously disregarding the terrors
of cross-examination, should a seven-foot mortal venture
one. " It was the largest tiger that, sir, I ever killed ;
he stood 4 feet 4f inches to the top of his shoulder 4
feet 4j was it, by the bye? no, I'm wrong; 4 feet 4^.
I killed him with a double Joe I got from our doctor ; I
think it was the cold season before I left the residency of
Paugulabad." It was one of the most amusing things
in the world to see him marching up and down the poop
with our Colossus of a skipper " Ossa to a wart " one
little fin of a hand behind his back, and laying down the
law with the other ; skipper, with an eye to future recom-
mendation, very deferential of course.
Next, in point of rank, was Mr, Goldmore, an ex-judge
of the Sudder Dewanny Adawlut ; a man of birth and
education, and an excellent sample of the distinguished
service to which he belonged. His manners were kind
and urbane, though he was a little peppery sometimes,
particularly when I beat him at chess. He had come
home a martyr to liver ; and the yellow cheek, the lack-
lustre eye, and the feeble step, all told too plainly that
he was returning to die. His wife, fifteen years younger
than himself, exhibited beside him a striking contrast;
she, " buxom, blithe, and debonnair " a vigorous plant
in florid pride ; he, poor fellow, in the " sear and yellow "
leaf. She was a warm-hearted, excellent creature, native
goodness beaming in her eye, but had one fault, and that
a prominent one. Having in India, as is often the case
with the sex, been thrown much at out-stations amongst
male society, she had insensibly adopted a " mannish"
tone, used terms of Indian conventional slang bad in a
man, but odious from female lips laughed heartily at
14 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
stories seasoned with equivoque, and sometimes told such
herself with off-hand na'ivete at the cuddy-table, produc-
ing a wink from Mr. Grinnerson to Ensign O'Shaugh-
nessy, and an uncommon devotion to his plate on the
part of Mr. Goldmore himself.
Major Rantom, of the Dragoons soldierly, gentleman-
like, and five-and- thirty commanded the detachment of
troops, to which were attached Ensigns Gorman and
O'Shaughnessy, two fine " animals/' that had recently
heen caught in the mountains of Kerry ; and an ancient
centurion, Capt. Marpeet, of the Native Infantry, must
conclude these samples of the masculine gender. Mar-
peet was a character, upon the whole a great man for
short whist and Hodgson's pale ale. The Sporting
Magazine, Taplin's Farriery, and Dundas's Nineteen
Manoeuvres, seemed to have constituted the extent of his
reading, though some conversation he one day had ahout
"zubber, zeer, and pesh," and that profound work the
Tota Kuhannee, seemed to indicate that he had at least
entered on the flowery paths of Oriental literature.
Dundas, however, was his strong point his tower of
strength his one idea. Ye powers ! how amazingly
convincing and fluent he was when he took that subject
in hand ! Many a tough discussion would he have with
the pompous little colonel, whether the right or left stood
fast, &c., and who, having been a Resident, and knowing,
therefore, everything, of course knew something of that
also.
But places aux demoiselles! make way for the spin-
sters ! Let me introduce to the reader's acquaintance
Miss Kitty and Miss Olivia Jenkins, Miss Maria Bal-
grave, and Miss Anna Maria Sophia Dobbikins. The
first two were going to their father, a general officer in
the Madras Presidency ; the eldest, Kitty, was a prude,
haunted by the " demon of propriety," the youngest,
dear Olivia, a perfect giggle with such a pair of eyes !
but " thereby hangs a tale." Miss Maria Balgrave
was consigned to a house of business in Calcutta, to be
forwarded, by the first safe conveyance, up the country
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 15
to her dear friend Mrs. Kurrybhat, the lady of Ensign
Kurrybhat, who had invited her out ; she was very plain,
but of course possessed its usual concomitant, great
amiability of temper. Miss Dobbikins was a Bath and
Clifton belle, hackneyed and passe, but exhibiting the
remains of a splendid face and figure; it was passing
strange that so fine a creature should have attained a
certain age without having entered that state which she
was so well calculated to adorn, whilst doubtless many
a snub-nosed thing had. gone off under her own nose.
I have seen many such cases ; and it is a curious prob-
lem for philosophical investigation, why those whom
" every one" admires "nobody " marries.
Having given these sketches of a few of my compan-
ions, let me now proceed with my voyage. Leaving
Deal we had to contend with contrary winds, and when
off Portsmouth, they became so adverse, that the captain
determined on dropping anchor, and there wait a favour-
able change. In three days the wind became light,
veered to the proper quarter, and our final departure
was fixed for the following morning. My last evening
off Portsmouth long remained impressed on my memory.
Full often, in my subsequent wanderings in the silent
forest or the lonely desert, in the hushed camp, or on the
moon-lit rampart, where nought save the sentinel's voice
broke through the silence of the night, have I pictured
this last aspect of my native land. I had been engaged
below, inditing letters for home and other occupations,
the whole day, when, tired of the confinement, I mounted
on the poop : the parting glow of a summer's evening
rested on the scene a tranquillity and repose little, alas !
in consonance with the state of my feelings, once more
painfully excited at the prospect of the severance from
all that was dear to me. Hitherto excitement had sus-
tained me, but now I felt it in its full force.
land of my sires, what mortal haul
Can e'er untie the filial band
That knits me to thy rugged strand ?
16 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
I leant my head upon my hand, and gave myself up to
sad and melancholy reflections. On one side stretched
the beautiful coast of the Isle of Wight, "whilst the fast-
gathering shades of evening were slowly blending into
one dark mass the groves and villas of Cowes; lights
from many a pleasant window streamed across the rip-
pling sea lights, methought, cheering circles of happy
faces, like those I lately gazed upon, but which I might
never see more. Many a tall and gallant man-of-war
rode ahead of us, fading in the gathering mist; boats,
leaving their long, silvery tracks behind them, glided
across the harbour; whilst the lights of the town, in
rapid succession, broke forth as those of the day de-
clined. The very tranquillity of such a scene as this, to
a person in my then state of mind, by mocking, as it
were, the inward grief, made it to be more deeply felt.
I looked at my native shores, as a lover gazes on his
mistress for the last time, till the boom of the evening
gun, and the increasing darkness, warned me that it was
time to go below.
Calm were the elements, night's silence deep,
The waves scarce murmuring, and the winds asleep.
In a few days we were in the Bay of Biscay and
now my troubles began.
CHAPTER III.
THE Bay of Biscay well merits its turbulent character;
of this we soon had ample demonstration, for the Rotten-
beam Castle had scarcely entered within its stormy
bounds, when the wind, hitherto moderate, became
rough and boisterous, and in a little time freshened
almost to a gale ; the vessel began to pitch and roll
the shrouds cracked the few sails set were strained
almost to splitting and mountain seas with wild, foamy
crests ever and anon burst over us, clearing the waist
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 17
and forecastle, and making the " good ship " quiver
through every plank and timher. These sublimities
were quite new to me, and produced their usual effects
on the unseasoned an involuntary tribute to Old Ocean
not a metrical outpouring, but one of a less spiritual
quality, on which it would be superfluous to dilate.
Our first day's dinner on board, with things in the
state I have described i.e. the Rottenbeam Castle reel-
ing and staggering like a drunken man was a most
comical affair, and I should have enjoyed it extremely
had my nausea been less. It is true, with some varia-
tions, the scene was afterwards frequently repeated (ex-
cept when sea-pie was the order of the day) ; but then,
though I was no longer qualmish, it in turn had lost the
master charm of novelty. We were summoned to dinner
as usual, on the day in question, by the drummers and
fifers or rather, to be more respectful, the " Captain's
Band ;" but, from the difficulty of preserving an equili-
brium, these worthies mangled the " Roast Beef of Old
England" most unmercifully. The dapper little steward,
with his train of subordinates, had some difficulty in
traversing the deck with their savoury burthens ; unable
to march as before, heads erect, like a squad of recruits,
the grand purveyor, with his silver tureen in the van,
they now emerged theatrically from the culinary regions
advancing with slides and side-steps, like a corps de
ballet now a halt, then a simultaneous run then
balancing on one leg and finally (hitting the moment
of an equipoise) a dart into the cuddy, where, with some
little difficulty, each contrived to deposit his dish. The
passengers, emerging from various doors and openings,
tottering and holding on as best they might, now made
their way to seats, and amidst the most abominable
creaking and groaning that ever saluted my ears the
operation of dinner began. In spite of sand-bags, how-
ever, and all other appliances, there was no restraining
the ambulatory freaks of the dishes, and we were scarcely
seated when a tremendous lee-lurch sent a tureen of pea-
c
18 MEMOIES OF A GRIFFIN.
soup souse over the doctor's kerseymere waistcoat and
Brummel tie ; and a roast pig, as if suddenly resuscitated
and endued with a spirit of frenzy, darted from its dish,
and, cantering furiously down the whole length of the
tahle, finally effected a lodgment in Miss Dobbikins' lap,
to the infinite dismay of that young lady, who uttering
a faint shriek, hastily essayed, with Ensign O'Shaugh-
nessy's assistance, to divest herself of the intrusive
porker. I, for my part, was nearly overwhelmed by an
involuntary embrace from the charming Miss Olivia;
whilst, to add to the confusion, at this particular
moment, Mr. Cadet Grundy, governed rather by sight
than a due consideration of circumstances and the laws
of gravitation, made a desperate lunge at one of the
swinging tables, which he thought was making a most
dangerous approach to the perpendicular, in order to
steady it, and the immediate result was, a fearful crash of
glasses and decanters, and a plentiful libation of port
and sherry.
" Are ye mod, sir, to do that ? " exclaimed the cap-
tain, with ill- suppressed vexation at the destruction of
his glasses, and forgetting his usual urbanity.
"I thought they were slipping off, sir," said Grundy,
with great humility.
"Ye ha' slupped them off in gude airnest yeersel,
sir," rejoined Captain McGuffin, unable, however, to
repress a smile, in which all joined, at the idea of
Grundy's extreme simplicity. "Dinna ye ken, sir,
that it's the ship, and not the swing-table, that loses
its pairpendicular ? Here, steward," continued he, "clare
away these frogments, and put mair glasses on the
table."
The colloquy ended, there was a further lull, when,
heave yo ho ! away went the ship on the other side ;
purser jammed up against the bulk-head rolls legs
and wings boiled beef, carrots, and potatoes, all racing,
as if to see which would first reach the other side of
the table. At this instant snap went a chair-lashing,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 19
and the ex-resident of Paugulabad was whirled out of
the cuddy door, like a thunder-bolt.
" There she goes again' ! " exclaimed the second mate ;
"hold on, gentlemen." The caution was well-timed,
for down she went on the opposite tack ; once more,
the recoil brought the colonel back again, with the
force of a battering-ram, attended by an awful smash
of the butler's plate-basket, and other deafening symp-
toms of reaction. Oh, 'tis brave sport, a cuddy- dinner
in an Indiaman, and your ship rolling gun-wales
under.
"By the powers, now, but this bates everything
entirely," exclaimed Ensign Gorman, who, like myself,
was a griff, and had never witnessed anything of the
sort before.
" Oh, it's nothing at all this mere child's play, to
what you'll have round the Cape," observed the second
mate, grinning with malice prepense.
" The deuce take you, now, Grinnerson, for a Jove's
comforter," rejoined the ensign, laughing; "sure if it's
worse than this, it is we'll be sailing bottom upwards, and
ateing our males with our heels in the air."
" Oh, I assure you, it's a mere trifle this to the rolling
and pitching I myself have experienced," said the little
colonel, who having recovered his seat and composure,
now put in his oar, unwilling to be silent when anything
wonderful was on the tapis. " I remember," continued
the ex-resident, picking his teeth nonchalamment (he
generally picked his teeth when delivered of a bouncer),
"that was let me see, about the year 1810 shortly
after I resigned the residency of Paugulabad we were
off Cape Lagullas, when our vessel rolled incessantly for
a fortnight in the heaviest sea I ever remember to have
seen ; we were half our time under water a shark
actually swam through the cuddy everything went by
the board live stock all washed away couldn't cook
the whole time, but lived on biscuit, Bologna sausages,
Bombay ducks, and so forth. To give you an idea of it
c 2
20 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
the ladies will excuse me I actually wore out the seats
of two pair of inexpressibles from the constant friction
to which they were subjected a sort of perpetual motion
no preserving the same centre of gravity for a single
moment."
This sally of the colonel's had an equally disturbing
effect on the gravity of the cuddy party, and all langhed
heartily at it.
" You were badly enough off, certainly, colonel," said
our wag, the second officer (with a sly wink at one of
his confederates) ; *' but I think I can mention a circum-
stance of the kind still more extraordinary. When I
was last in the China seas, in the John Tomkins, she
rolled so prodigiously after a tuffoon, that she actually
wore off all the copper sheathing, and very nearly set
the sea on fire by this same friction you speak of. It's
strange, but as true as what you have just mentioned,
colonel."
" Sir," said the colonel, bristling up, for he did not at
all relish the drift of this story, " you are disposed to be
pleasant, sir ; facetious, sir ; but let me beg in future
that you will reserve your jokes for some one else, and
not exhibit your humour at my expense, or it may be
unpleasant to both of us."
All looked grave the affair was becoming serious
the colonel was a known fire-eater, and Grinnerson, who
saw he had overshot the mark, seemed a little discon-
certed, but struggled to preserve his composure it was
a juncture well calculated to test all the powers of im-
pudence and tact of that very forward gentleman ; but,
somehow or other, he did back cleverly out of the scrape,
without any additional offence to the colonel's dignity, or
a farther compromise of his own, and before the cloth
was removed, a magnanimous challenge to Mr. Grinner-
son, " to take wine," came from the colonel (who at
bottom was a very worthy little man, though addicted,
unfortunately, to the Ferdinand Mendez Pinto vein),
and convinced us that happily no other sort of challenge
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 21
was to be apprehended. And so ended my first day's
dinner in a high sea in the Bay of Biscay.
Now had the moon, resplendent lamp of night,
O'er heaven's pure azure shed her sacrtd light.
In plain prose, it was past seven bells, and I (like Ma-
homet's coffin) was swinging in the steerage, forgetful
of all my cares ; whether in my dreams I was wandering
once more, as in childhood's days, by the flowery margin
of the silver Avon, listening to the blackbird's mellow
note from the hawthorn dell lightly footing the Spanish
dance in Mangeon's ball-room at Clifton or comfortably
sipping a cup of bohea in the family circle at home I
do not now well remember : but whatever was the nature
of those sweet illusions, they were suddenly dispelled, in
the dead of the night, by one of the most fearful agglo-
merations of stunning sounds that ever broke the slum-
bers of a cadet: groaning timbers hoarse shouts
smashing crockery falling knife-boxes and the loud
gurgling bubble of invading waters all at once, and
with terrible discord, burst upon my astonished ear.
Thinking the ship was scuttling, or, that some other (to
me unknown) marine disaster was befalling her, I sprung
up in a state between sleeping and waking, overbalanced
my cot, and was pitched out head- foremost on the deck.
Here a body of water, ancle-deep, and washing to and
fro, lent a startling continuation to my apprehensions
that the ship was actually in articulo immersionis. I
struggled to gain my feet, knocked my naked shins
against a box of saddlery of the major's, slipped and slid
about on the wet and slimy deck, and finally, my feet
flying from under me, came bump down on the broadest
side of my person, with stunning emphasis and effect.
Another effort to gain the erect position was successful,
and, determined to visit the " glimpses of the moon "
once more before I became food for fishes, I hurriedly
and instinctively scrambled my way towards the com-
panion ladder. Scarcely was I in its vicinity, and
22 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
holding on by a staunchion, when the vessel gave another
profound roll, so deep that the said ladder, being ill-
secured, fell over backwards, saluting the deck with a
tremendous bang, followed by a second crash, and bub-
bling of waters effecting a forcible entry. Paralyzed and
confounded by this succession of sounds and disasters, I
turned, still groping in the darkness, to seek some in-
formation touching this uproar, from some one of
the neighbouring sleepers. I soon lighted on a ham-
mock, and tracing the mummy-case affair from the feet
upwards my hands rested on a cold nose, then a rough
curly pate surmounting it, whose owner, snoring with a
ten-pig power, would, I verily believe, have slept on had
the crash of doom been around him. " Hollo ! here,"
said I, giving him a shake. A grunt and a mumbled
execration were all it elicited. I repeated the experiment,
and having produced some symptoms of consciousness,
begged earnestly to know if all I had described was an
ordinary occurrence, or if we were really going to the
bottom. I had now fairly roused the sleeping lion ; up
he started in a terrible passion ; asked me what the
deuce made me bother him with my nonsense at that
time of night, and then, consigning me to a place whence
no visitor is permitted to return, once more addressed
himself to his slumbers. This refreshing sample of
nautical philosophy, though rather startling, convinced
me that I had mistaken the extent of the danger; in
fact, there was none at all ; so feeling my way back to
my cot, I once more, though with becoming caution, got
into it, determined, sink or swim, to have my sleep out.
On rising, disorder and misery, in various shapes, a wet
deck and boxes displaced, met my view; I found my
coat and pantaloons pleasantly saturated with sea-water,
which it appeared had entered by an open port or scuttle,
and that my boots had sailed away to some unknown
region on a voyage of discovery. "Oh! why did I
'list?'" I exclaimed, in the bitterness of my discom-
fort; "why did I ever 'list?'" Ye cadets, attend to
ME&OIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 23
the moral which this narrative conveys, and learn, by my
unhappy example, always to secure your toggery, high
and dry, before you turn in, and to study well the
infirmities of that curious pendulum balance, the cot,
lest, like me, ye be suddenly decanted therefrom on the
any-thing-but-downy surface of an oaken deck !
With what feelings of delight does the youth first
enter upon the fairy region of the tropics, a region which
Cook and Anson, and the immortal fictions of St. Pierre
and De Foe, have invested in his estimation with a sweet
and imperishable charm ! The very air to him is redolent
of a spicy aroma, of a balmy and tranquillizing influence,
whilst delicious but indefinable visions of the scenes he is
about to visit of palmy groves, and painted birds, and
coral isles " in the deep sea set," float before him in all
those roseate hues with which the young and excited
fancy loves to paint them. Paul and Virgina Eobinson
Friday goats savages and monkeys ye are all for
ever bound to my heart by the golden links of early
association and acquaintanceship. Happy Juan Fer-
nandez, too ! Atalantis of the wave Utopia of the
roving imagination how oft have I longed to abide in
ye, and envied Kobinson his fate honest man of goat-
skins and unrivalled resources ! But one ingredient, a
wife, was wanting to complete your felicity ; had you but
rescued one of the Miss Fridays from the culinary fate
designed for her brother, and made her your companion,
you would have been the most comfortable fellow on record.
Griffin as I was I partook strongly of these common
but delightful feelings I have attempted to describe, and
in the change of climate and objects which every week's
sail brought forth, found much to interest and excite me
the shoal of flying-fish, shooting like a silver shower
from the ocean, and skimming lightly over the crested
waves ; the gambols of the porpoise ; the capture of a
shark ; fishing for bonetta off' the bowsprit ; a water-
spout ; speculations on a distant sail ; her approach ; the
friendly greeting ; the first and last ! were all objects
24 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
and events pleasing in themselves, but doubly so when
viewed in relation to the general monotony of a life at
sea. Nothing, I think, delighted me more than con-
templating the gorgeous sunsets, as we approached the
equator. Here, in England, that luminary is a sickly
affair, but particularly so when viewed through our
commonly murky atmosphere, and there may be some
truth in the Italian's splenetic remark in favour of the
superior warmth of the moon of his own country. But
in the fervid regions of the tropics it is that we see the
glorious emblem of creative power in all his pride and
majesty, whether rising in his strength, "robed in flames
and amber light," ruling in meridian splendour, or
sinking slowly to rest on his ocean couch of gold and
crimson, in softened but ineffable refulgence ; it is (but
particularly in its parting aspect) an object eminently
calculated to awaken the most elevated thoughts of the
Creator's power, mingled with a boundless admiration for
the beauty of His works. Yes, neither language, paint-
ing, nor poetry, can adequately portray that most
glorious of spectacles a tropical sunset.
Ensign O'Shaughnessy having sworn " by all the bogs
in Kerry," that he would put a brace of pistol-balls
through Neptune, or Juno, or any " sa God " of them
all, that should dare to lay hands upon him; and a
determination to resist the initiatory process of ducking
in bilge-water, and shaving with a rusty hoop, having
manifested itself in other quarters, Captain McGuffin,
glad of a pretext, and really apprehensive of mischief,
had it intimated to the son of Saturn and his spouse,
that their visit in crossing the line would be dispensed
with. In so doing, it appears to me that he exercised a
wise discretion ; Neptune's tomfooleries, at least when
carried to their usual extent, being one of those ridiculous
customs <c more honoured in the breach than in the
observance;" one which may well be allowed to sleep
with " Maid Marian," " the Lord of Misrule/' and other
samples of the "wisdom of our ancestors/' who were
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 25
emphatically but " children of a larger growth," to whom
horse play and "tinsel" were most attractive. On cross-
ing the equator, however, the old hut more harmless joke
of exhibiting the line through a telescope was played off
on one greenhorn, sufficiently soft to admit of its taking
effect.
" Do you make it out, Jones ?" said Grinnerson, who
had got up the scene, to one of the middys, a youngster
intently engaged in reconnoitering through a glass half
as long as himself.
"I think I do, sir," said Jones, with a difficultly-
suppressed grin.
" What is he looking for ?" asked the simple victim.
" The Line, to be sure ; didn't I tell you we were to
cross it to-day ? "
"Oh yes, I remember; I should like amazingly to
see it, if you would oblige me with the telescope."
" Oh, certainly ; Jones, give Mr. Brown the glass."
The soft man took it, looked, but declared that he saw
nought but sky and sea.
" Here, try mine," continued the second mate ; " ' tis
a better one than that you have," handing him one with
a hair or wire across the large end of it. " Now do you
see it?"
" I think I do ; oh, yes, most distinctly. And that
really is the line ? Bless me, how small it is ! "
This was the climax ; the middys held their mouths,
and sputtering, tumbled in a body down the ladder to
have their laugh out, wTrilst a general side-shaking at the
griff's expense took place amongst the remaining group
on the poop.
Well, the stormy dangers of the Cape safely passed,
the pleasant isles of Johanna, sweet as those which
Waller sung, duly visited Dondra Head Adam's Peak
the woody shores of Ceylon here skirted and admired,
those beautiful shores, where
Partout on voit murir, partout on voit e'clore,
Et les fruits de Ponione et les presents de Flore ;
26 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
and the " spicy gales " from cinnamon groves duly
snuffed up and appreciated (entre nous, a burnt pastile
of Mr. Grinnerson's, and not Ceylon, furnished the
" spicy gales " on this occasion), we found ourselves at
last off the far-famed coast of Coromandel, and fast
approaching our destination.
It is pleasant at certain seasons to glide over the
summer seas of these delightful latitudes, whilst the
vessel spreads abroad all her snowy canvas to arrest
every light and vagrant zephyr, to hang over the side,
and whilst the ear is soothed by the lapping ripple of
small, crisp waves, idly breaking on the vessel's bows as
she moves scarce perceptibly through them, to gaze on
the sky and ocean, and indulge in that half-dreamy
listlessness when gentle thoughts unbidden come and go.
How beautiful is the dark blue main, relieved by the
milk-white flash of the sea-bird's wing ! how picturesque
the Indian craft, with their striped latteen sails, as they
creep along those palm-covered coasts, studded with
temples and pagodas ! and seaward resting on the far-off
horizon, how lovely the fleecy piles of rose-tinted clouds,
seeming to the fancy the ethereal abodes of pure and
happy spirits ! There is in the thoughts to which such
scenes give birth a rationality as improving to the heart
as it is remote from a forced and mawkish sentimentality.
Such were my sensations as we crept along the Indian
coast, till in a few days the Rottenbeam Castle came to
anchor in the roads of Madras, amidst a number of men-
of-war, Indiamen, Arab grabs, and country coasters.
The first thing we saw, on dropping anchor, was a
man-of-war's boat pulling for us, which created a con-
siderable sensation amongst the crew, to whom the
prospect of impressment was anything but agreeable.
The boat, manned by a stout crew of slashing young
fellows, in straw hats, and with tattooed arms, was soon
alongside, and the lieutenant, with the air of a monarch,
mounted the deck. He was a tall, strapping man, with a
hanger banging against his heels,,- loose trousers, a
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 27
tarnished swab (epaulette) on his shoulder, and a glazed
cocked-hat stuck rakishly fore and aft on his head : in
my idea, the very beau ideal of a " first leftenant."
CHAPTER IV.
IN the last chapter I left the Eottenbeam Castle just
arrived in the roads of Madras, and the frigate's hoat
alongside. Our commander, with a grave look, advanced
to meet the officer, who, saluting him in an easy and off-
hand manner, announced himself as lieutenant of H.M.
ship Thunderbolt, and desired him " to turn up the
hands." Captain McGuffin was beginning to remon-
strate, declaring that some of his best sailors had been
pressed a few days before (which was the fact), and that
he had barely sufficient to carry the ship round to Bengal,
&o., when the lieutenant cut him short, declaring he had
nothing to do with that matter ; that his orders were
peremptory, and must be obeyed.
" I shall appeal to the admiral," said our skipper,
rather ruffled.
" You may appeal to whom you choose, sir," replied
the lieutenant, somewhat haughtily, and giving his
hanger a kick, to cause it to resume its hindward posi-
tion ; " but now, and in the meantime, if you please,
you'll order up your men."
These were " hard nuts " for McGuffin " to crack ; "
on his own deck too, where he had reigned absolute but
a few minutes before
The monarch of all he survey'd,
Whose right there was none to dispute.
But he felt that the iron heel of a stronger despotism
than his own was upon him, and that he had no resource
but submission. He consequently gave the necessary
orders, and straightway the shrill whistle of the boat-
swain was soon heard, summoning the sailors to the
muster.
28 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
" Onward they moved, a melancholy band," slouching
and hitching up their trousers, and were soon ranged in
rank and file along the deck. The lieutenant stalked up
the line (he certainly was a noble-looking fellow, just
the man for a cutting-out party, or to head a column of
boarders), and turned several of them about, something
after the manner in which a butcher in Smithfield selects
his fat sheep, and then putting aside those he thought
worthy of " honour and hard knocks" in his Majesty's
service, he ordered them forthwith to bring up their
hammocks and kits, and prepare for departure. Amongst
those thus unceremoniously chosen to increase the crew
of the Thunderbolt, were two or three ruddy, lusty lads,
who had come out as swabs, or loblolly boys, and were
making their first voyage, to see how the life of a sailor
agreed with them, little thinking, a few days before, of
the change that awaited them. I think I see them now,
blubbering as they descended the side, with their ham-
mocks and small stocks of worldly goods on their
shoulders, waving adieu to their comrades, and thinking,
doubtless, of " home, sweet home," and what " mother
would say when she heard of it." On one old man-of-
war's man of the Rottenbeam Castle, whom I had often
noticed, the lieutenant, keen as a hawk, pounced instan-
ter ; his experienced eye detecting at once in the long
pigtail, cork-screw ringlets, and devil-may-care air of
honest Jack, the true outward characteristics of that
noble but eccentric biped, a downright British tar, and
prime seamen. " You'll do for us," said the lieutenant,
taking him by the collar of his jacket, and leading him
out. " There's two words to that there bargain, sir,"
said Jack (who had had quantum suff. of the reg'lar
sarvice), with the air of one who knew that he stood on
unassailable ground. So squirting out a little 'baccy
juice, and rummaging his jacket-pocket, he produced
therefrom a tin tobacco-box, of more than ordinary
dimensions, from which, after considerable fumbling (for
Jack was evidently unused to handling literary docu-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 29
ments of any kind), he extracted a soiled and tattered
"protection," which, deliberately unfolding (a ticklish
operation, by the way, the many component parallelo-
grams heing connected by the slenderest filaments), he
handed it over to the lieutenant. Having so done, he
hitched up his waistband, with his dexter fin, tipped his
comrades something between a nod and a wink, as much
as to say, " I think that'll bring him up with a round
turn," and stroking down his hair, awaited the result.
The officer cast his eye -over the thing of shreds and
patches. It contained a " true bill," so he returned it ;
and Jack, having carefully packed and re-stowed his
" noli me tang ere ," gave another squirt, and rolled off
in triumph to the forecastle. The only fellow glad to
go " to sarve him Majesty " I blush whilst I record it
was Massa Sambo, a good-humoured nigger, and a fine
specimen of the mere animal man, who, having received
more of what is vulgarly termed " monkey's allowance "
on board the Rottenbeam Castle than suited him,
left us in a high glee, grinning, capering, slapping his
hands and singing " Rule Britannia " in regular " Pos-
sum up a gum-tree " style, to the great amusement of
us all.
Madras, from the roads, wore to me a very picturesque
and interesting appearance ; the long ranges of white
verandahed buildings, the noble fort, with England's
meteor standard floating from the flag- staff, the beach,
the blue sky, the cocoa-nut trees, the white wreaths of
breaking surf, the shipping, the Massoolah boats, the
native craft, all constituted a novel and striking coup
d'&il, which fully realized what in imagination I had
pictured it. Looking over the side, shortly after we had
anchored, I perceived to my astonishment, a naked
figure walking apparently on the surface of the sea, and
rapidly approaching us, This was a catamaran man, the
bearer of a despatch from the shore. His diminutive bark,
three or four logs, half submerged, and on which he had
ploughed through the surf, was soon alongside, and the
30 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
brown and dripping savage (for such he looked) scram-
bling on board. He sprung upon the deck, as a favourite
opera-dancer bounds upon the stage, confident of an
applauding welcome, and, making a ducking salaam,
proceeded, in a very business-like manner, to disengage
from his head a conical salt-basket sort of hat, from
which, secured under a fold of linen, he produced his
letters safe and dry ; these with the words, " chit, sahib,"
spoken in tones as delicate as the frame of the speaker,
he immediately delivered to the captain. The arrival of
this messenger caused a considerable sensation, and the
griffs of all descriptions gathered round him, conning
the strange figure with open mouths and wondering eyes.
The ladies, too (stimulated by curiosity), rushed to the
cuddy door to have a peep at him, but made a rapid
retreat on perceiving the paradisiacal costume of our
hero. I shall never forget Miss Olivia's involuntary
scream, or Miss Dobbikins' expression of countenance,
on suddenly confronting this little swarthy Apollo :
Horror in all his majesty was there,
Mute and magnificent without a tear.
Our admiration of the catamaran man had hardly sub-
sided when a far more extraordinary character made his
appearance. " Avast there, my hearties ! " sounded the
rough voice of a seaman, " and make way for the com-
modore." As he spoke, the crowd of sailors and re-
cruits opened out, and his Excellency Commodore
Cockle, chief of the catamarans, was seen advancing in
great state from the gangway. This potent commander,
who, by the way, had performed his toilet in transitu,
after passing through the surf, was attired in an old
naval uniform coat, under which appeared his naked
neck and swarthy bosom ; a huge cocked-hat, " which had
seen a little service," a pair of kerseymere dress shorts,
without stockings, and a swinging hanger banging at his
heels, made up as strange a figure of the genus scare-
crow as I ever remember to have seen out of a corn-
field.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 31
" By the powers, Pat, and what have we here? " said
Mick Nolan, one of the recruits, to his comrade Pat
Casey.
" Faith," says Pat, "and myself can't tell ye, unless
'tis one of them Ingine rajahs, or ould Neptune himself,
that should have been after shaving us off the line."
" Devil a bit," rejoined Mick ; " I'm thinking it's
something of an Aistern Guy Fawkes, that's going to
play off some of his fun amongst us."
Thus speculated the jokers, whilst the commodore,
fully impressed with a sense of his importance, swaggered
about the deck with all the quiet pride of a high official,
putting questions, and replying to the queries of old ac-
quaintance. Alas ! poor human nature ! thou art every-
where essentially the same. Dear to thee is a little
power and authority in any shape, and thou exhibitest
thy " fantastic tricks" as much in the bells and feathers
of the savage, as under the coif of the judge, or the
ermine of the monarch ! The " Commodore," to whom the
English cognomen of " Cockle " had been given, exer-
cised his high functions under a commission furnished
him by some wag, but of which he was quite as proud
as if it had emanated from royalty itself. It was couched
in the proper lingua technica of such instruments, and
commenced in something like the following manner :
" Know all men by these presents, that our trusty and
well-beloved Cockle is hereby constituted Commodore
and Commander of the Catamaran Squadron, and duly
empowered to exercise all the high functions thereunto
appertaining. The aforesaid Cockle is authorized
to render his services to all parties requiring them, on
their paying for the same. All captains and com-
manders of his Majesty's and the Honourable Com-
pany's ships, and of all other ships and vessels what-
soever, are hereby required and directed to take fruit,
fish, eggs, &o., from the said Cockle (if they think fit),
on their paying him handsomely in the current coin of
the realm, &e."
32 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
The next day the passengers went ashore; officers
full fig; ladies, civilians, and cadets, all in their best
attire, crowding the benches of the Massoolah boat, and
balancing, and holding on as best they could. Of all
sea-going craft, from the canoe of the Greenlander to
the line -of-battle- ship, the Massoolah boat is, perhaps,
one of the most extraordinary. Imagine a huge affair,
something in shape like one of those paper cock-boats
which children make for amusement, or an old-fashioned
tureen, or the transverse section of a pear or pumpkin,
stem and stern alike, composed of light and flexible
planks, sewn together with coir, and riding buoyant as a
gull on the heaving wave, the sides rising six feet or so
above its surface, the huge empty shell crossed by narrow
planks or benches, on which, when seated, or rather
roosted, your legs dangle in air several feet from the bot-
tom : further, picture in the fore-part a dozen or more
spare black creatures, each working an unwieldy pole-
like paddle to a dismal and monotonous chant and you
may have some idea of a Massoolah boat and its equi-
page ; the only thing, however, that can live in the
tremendous surf that lashes the coast of Coromandel.
"Are you all right there, in the Massoolah boat?"
shouted one of the ship's officers.
" Ay, ay, sir," responded a little middy in charge of
us.
" Cast her off then," said the voice ; and immediately the
connecting rope was thrown on board, and off we swung,
gently rising and falling on the long undulations, which
were soon to assume the more formidable character of
bursting surges. As we advance, I honestly confess,
though I put a bold face on it, I felt most confoundedly
nervous, being under serious apprehensions that one of
the many sharks I had just seen would soon have the
pleasure of breakfasting on a gentleman cadet, cote-
lettes a la Griffin, no doubt, if gastronomy ranks as an
art amongst that voracious fraternity. On approaching
the surf, the boatmen's monotonous chant quickened to
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 33
a wild ulluloo. We were in medias res. I looked
astern, and there, at some distance, but in full chase,
advanced a curling mountain-billow, opening its vast con-
cave jaws, as if to devour us. On, on it came. "Ullee !
nllee! ullee ! " shouted the rowers; smash came the
wave ; up flew the stern, down went the prow ; squall
went the ladies, over canted the major, Grundy, and the
ex-resident, while those more fortunate in retaining their
seats held on with all the energy of alarm with one hand
and dashed the brine from their habiliments with the
other. The wave passed, and order a little restored, the
boatmen pulled again with redoubled energy, to make as
much way as they could before the next should overtake us.
It soon came, roaring like so many fiends, and with
nearly similar results. Another and another followed,
till, at last, the unwieldy bark, amidst an awful bob-
bery, swung high and dry on the shelving beach ; and out
we all sprung, right glad once more to feel ourselves on
terra Jirma, respecting which, be it observed, en passant,
I hold the opinion of the Persian, that a yard of it is
worth a thousand miles of salt-water.
Here then was I at last, in very truth, treading the
soil of India of that wondrous, teaming, and antique
land, the fertile subject of my earliest thoughts and im-
aginations that land whose " barbaric pearl and gold "
has stimulated the cupidity of nations down the long
stream of time, from Sabrean, Phoenician, Tyrian, and
Venetian, to Mynheer Van Stockenbreech, and honest
John Bull himself whose visionary luxuries have
warmed full many a Western poet's imagination, and
whose strange vicissitudes have furnished such ample
matter to adorn the moralist's and historian's pages.
As I gazed on the turbaned crowds, the flaunting
robes, the huge umbrellas, the passing palankeens, the
black sentinels, the strange birds, and even (pardon
the climax) the little striped squirrels, which gambolled
up and down the pillars of the custom-house sights so
new and strange to me, I almost began to doubt my
D
34 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
own identity, and to think I had fallen into some new
planet. Assuredly, of all the sunny moments which
chequer the path of life's pilgrimage here below, there
are few whose brightness can compare with those of our
first entrance on a new and untrodden land. What
music is there in every sound ! What an exhilarating
freshness in every object! The peach's bloom, the but-
terfly's down, or the painted bubble, however, are but
types of them. Alas ! as of all sublunary enjoyments,
they vanish upon contact, or at best, bear not long the
grasp of possession.
My feelings were still in a state of tumultuous excite-
ment, when, gazing about, I observed a native, in flowing
robes and large gold ear-rings, bearing down upon me.
With a profound salaam, and the smirking smile of an
old acquaintance, he proceeded to address me :
"How d'ye do, Sare ? " said he.
" Pretty well, thank you," said I, smiling ; " but who
are you ? "
"I, Bamee Sawmee Dabash, Sare, come to make
master proper compliment. Very glad to see master safe
on shore; too much surf, I think, and master's coat
leetle wet."
" Not a little," said I, " for we have all had a complete
sousing."
" Oh, never mind souse, Sare; I take to Navy Tavern
there makee changee eat good dinner. Navy Tavern
very good place plenty gentlemen go there."
"Where you please," said I ; " I am at your service."
" Ver well, Sare ; but (in a tone of entreaty) you
please not forget my name, Bamee Sawmee Dabash
master's dabash I am ver honest man ; too much every
gentleman know me."
Here Ramee Sawmee unconsciously spoke the truth,
as I had afterwards full occasion to discover. I was
soon besieged with more of these gentry offering their
services; butRameeSawm.ee, having the best right to
pluck me, by reason of prior possession, ordered them
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN, 35
off indignantly ; and not to incur risks by unnecessary
delays, he called a palankeen, and requested me to get
into it. In I tumbled, wrong side foremost, and off we
started for the Navy Tavern. He ran alongside, not
wishing to lose sight of me for a moment, pouring his
disinterested advice into my ear in one voluble and con-
tinuous stream.
" Master, you please take care ; dis place," said he,
"too much dam rogue, this Madras; plenty bad beebee,
and some rascal dabash ver much cheatee gentlemen. I
give master best advice. I ver honest man."
I thought myself singularly fortunate, in the simplicity
of my griffinisb heart, in having fallen in with so valu-
able a character; but, in the sequel, as has been before
hinted, I discovered what, I dare say, many a griff had
discovered before, that Bamee Sawmee had a little over-
estimated himself in the above particular article of
honesty.
Sweltering through a broiling sun, and abundance of
dust, we reached the Navy Tavern, a building somewhat
resembling, if I recollect rightly, one of our own green
verandah'd suburban taverns, in which comfortable cits
dine and drink heavy wet in sultry summer evenings.
Here I found a vast congregation of naval and military
officers, red coats and blue ; mates, midshipmen, pursers,
captains, and cadets ; some playing billiards, some
smoking, and others drowning care in bowls of sangaree,
in which fascinating beverage, by the way, with guavas,
pine-apples, &c., I also indulged, till brought up, some
time after, by a pleasant little touch of dysentery, which
had nearly produced a catastrophe ; amongst the dire
consequences of which would have been the non-appear-
ance of these valuable Memoirs. From the Navy
Tavern, Grundy and I went the next day to the quarters
appointed for young Bengal officers detained at Madras.
These consisted of some tents pitched in an open sandy
spot, within the fort, and presented few attractions ;
besides some small ones for dormitories, there was a
D 2
36 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
larger one dignified with the appellation of the mess-
tent. Here, at certain stated hours, a purveyor, denomi-
nated a butler, but as unlike one of those gentlemanly
personages so called at home as can welt be imagined,
placed breakfast, tiffin, and dinner, on table at so much
a-head. For two or three days I revelled in the delights
of sour Madeira, tough mutton, and skinny kid, with
yams, and other miserable succedanea for European vege-
tables. An Egyptian plague of flies, and a burning sun
beating through the single cloth of the tent, made up
the sum of the agreeables to which we were subjected.
My faith in the "luxuries of the East" had received a
severe shock, and I was fast tending to downright infi-
delity on that head, when a big- whiskered fellow, with
turban, badge, and silver stick, put a billet into my
hand, which was the means of soon restoring me to the
pale of orthodoxy. It was from an eccentric baronet, to
whom I had brought letters and a parcel from his
daughter in England, and ran thus :
" Col. Sir Jeremy Skeggs presents his compliments to
Mr. Gernon, and thanks him for the care he has taken
of the letters, &c., from his daughter, Mrs. Hearty,
Sir J. Skeggs' sister, will be happy to see Mr. G., and
will send a palankeen for him."
I packed up my all (an operation soon effected), got
into an elegant palankeen, which made its appearance
shortly after the note, and escorted by a body of silver-
stick men (for Mr. Hearty was " a man in authority "),
I bade adieu to the tents, and leaving Grundy and some
other cadets, though with a strong commiserative feeling,
to struggle with the discomforts I have mentioned, was
conveyed at a slapping pace to my host's garden resi-
dence, on the Mount Eoad. This was a flat roofed
building, in the peculiar style of the country, of two
stories a large portico occupying nearly the whole
length of the front. It was approached by a long
avenue of parkinsonias, and surrounded, and partly ob-
scured, by rich masses of tropical foliage, in which the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 37
bright green of the plantain contrasted pleasingly with
the darker hues of the mango and the jack. Beyond
the house stretched a pleasant domain, slightly undulat-
ing, dotted with clumps, and intersected by rows of
cocoa-nut trees. Here it constituted one of my chief
pleasures to saunter, to chase the little striped squirrels
up the trees, or to watch the almost as agile ascent of
the toddyman, as he mounted by a most simple contri-
vance the tall and branchless stems to procure the exhil-
arating juice ; or to pelt the paroquets, as they clung
screaming to the pendent leaves. To possess a parrot
of my own, in England, had long constituted one of the
unattainable objects of my juvenile ambition. I had
longed so much for it, that an inordinate idea of the
value of parrots had clung to me ever since. To see
them, therefore, by dozens, in their wild state, was like
in some measure spreading out before me the treasures
of Golconda.
Mr. Hearty met me at the entrance, shook me very
cordially by the hand, and taking me into the apartment
where his wife and several other ladies were sitting, he
presented me to the former, by whom I was very graci-
ously received.
" Mr. Gernon, my love," said he, " whom your brother,
Sir Jeremy, has been so kind as to introduce to us."
" We are very glad indeed to see you," said the lady,
rising and taking my hand, " and hope you will make
this house your home whilst the ship remains." I pro-
foundly bowed my thanks.
" Mr. Hearty, my dear, will you shew Mr. Gernon his
room he may wish to arrange his things and then
bring him back to us ? "
This was cordial and gratifying. I am apt to generalize
from a few striking particulars. So I set the Madrassees
down at once as polished and hospitable in the extreme
a perfectly correct inference, I believe, however preci-
pitately formed by me on that occasion. Mr. Hearty
was a fine, erect, fresh old gentleman, of aristocratic mien
38 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
and peculiarly pleasing address. His manners, indeed,
were quite of what is termed the old school, dignified and
polished, but withal a little formal ; far superior, however,
to modem brusqverie, and that selfishness of purpose
which, too often disdaining disguise, sets at nought the
" small courtesies " which so greatly sweeten existence.
His wife, much his junior, was a handsome woman of
eight- and- twenty, gay and lively, and apparently much
attached to her lord, in spite of the disparity of their
years. He, in fact, was one of those rarely-seen well-
preserved old men, of whom a young woman might be
both proud and fond. My host lived in the good old
style of Indian hospitality, of which absence of unneces-
sary restraint, abundance of good cheer, and the most
unaffected and cordial welcome, constituted the essential
elements.
In India, from various causes, perhaps sufficiently
obvious, the English heart, naturally generous and kind,
has or had full room for expansion ; and the " luxury of
doing good," in the shape of assembling happy faces
around the social board, can be enjoyed, without, as too
frequently the case here, the concomitant dread of out-
running the constable, or trenching too deeply on the
next day's quantum of hashed mutton. Certainly, our
close packing in these densely populated lands may give
us polish, but it rubs off much of the natural enamel of
our virtues.
Mr. Hearty's house was quite Liberty Hall, in its
fullest meaning. Each guest had his bedroom, where
he could read, write, or doze; or if he preferred it, he
could hunt squirrels, shoot with a rifle, as my friend, the
Scotch cadet, and I did ; sit with the ladies in the draw-
ing room and play the flute, or enjoy any other equally
intellectual amusement, between meals, at which the
whole party, from various quarters, were wont to assemble,
rubbing their hands, and greeting in that v/arm manner,
which commonly results where people have been well
employed in the interim, and not had too much of each
MEMOIRS OF A GKIFFIN. 39
other's company. Mr. Hearty's house was full of visitors
from all points of the compass.
There was a captain of cavalry and lady, from Banga-
lore ; a very dyspeptic-looking doctor from Yizagapatam ;
a missionary, bent on making the natives "all same
master's caste," through the medium of his proper verna-
cular ; a strapping Scotch artillery cadet, before alluded
to, some six feet two, and who was my particular friend
and crony, with several others, birds of passage like my-
self. Amongst these, to my great delight and astonish-
ment, I found the lovely Miss Olivia and her sister. Now,
then, reader, prepare yourself for one of the most soul-
stirring and pathetic passages of these Memoirs. Shade
of Petrarch, I invoke thee ! spirit of Jean Jacques, im-
part thy aid, whilst in honest but tender guise I pour
forth my "confessions." Yes, as an honest chronicler of
events, I am bound to tell it the candour of a griffin
demands that it should out. I fell over head and ears in
love 'twas a most violent attack I had, and I think I
was full three months getting the better of it. It would
be, however, highly derogatory to the dignity of that
pleasing passion, were I to trail the account of its mani-
festations at the fag end of a chapter ; I shall, therefore,
reserve my confessions of the " soft impeachment," and
my voyage to Calcutta, for the next.
CHAPTER V.
"PEACE be with the soul of that charitable and
courteous author, who, for the common benefit of his
fellow- authors, introduced the ingenious way of miscel-
laneous writing !" so says the great Lord Shaftesbury;
and I heartily respond to the sentiment, that mode
admitting of those easy transitions from " grave to gay,
from lively to severe," which so well agree with my
discursive humour. Having thus premised, let me pro-
40 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
ceed with my story, which now begins to assume a graver
aspect.
Love, that passion productive of so many pains and
pleasures to mortals, the most easily, perhaps, awakened,
and the most difficult to control, begins full early with
some of us (idiosyncratically susceptible) to manifest its
disturbing effects : the little volcano of the heart (to
speak figuratively) throws out its transient and flickering
flames long anterior to a grand eruption. Lord Byron's
history exhibits a great and touching example of this ;
his early but unrequited attachment to the beautiful Miss
Chaworth served undoubtedly, in after-life, to tinge his
character with that sombre cast which has imparted itself
to the splendid creations of his immortal genius. Like
him (if J may dare include myself in the same category),
when but nine or ten summers had passed over my head,
I too had my " lady love," who, albeit no Mary Chaworth,
was nevertheless a very pretty little blue-eyed girl, the
daughter of our village doctor. I think I now behold
her, in the eye of my remembrance, with her white
muslin frock, long pink sash, and necklace of coral beads,
her flaxen curls flying wildly in the breeze, or sporting
in all conceivable lines of beauty over her alabaster neck
and forehead. Full joyous was I when an invitation
came for Master Frank Gernon and his brother Tom to
drink tea at Dr. Anodyne's. How motherly and kind
was good Mrs. Anodyne on these occasions ! how truly
liberal of her pound-cake and syllabub !
Dear woman ! spite of thy many failings, which all
" lean to virtue's side," in the sweet relations of mother,
wife, sister, friend, thou art a being to be almost wor-
shipped. Tis you who hold man's destinies in your
hands. Harden your minds without the limits of blue-
stockingism, as a counterpoise to the softness of your
hearts; acquire independence of thought and moral
courage, and you will yet convert the world into a
paradise ! The little bard of Twickenham has, on the
whole, maligned you : mistaken the factitious for the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 41
original; the faults of education for the defects of
nature; the belle of 1700 for the woman of all time
but was still right when he said,
Courage with softness, modesty with pride,
Fix'd principles with fancy ever new ;
Shake all together, it produces you.
Pretty Louisa ! my first love, long since perhaps the
mother of a tribe of little rustics ; or sleeping, perchance,
soundly in your own village church-yard ! like a fairy
vision, you sometimes visit me in my dreams, or, when
quitting for a season the stern, hard realities which en-
viron my manhood, I lose myself in the sweet remem-
brances of boyhood's days ! Well, this was my first grand
love affair ; now for my next, to which I deem it a fitting
preliminary. Griffins, look to your hearts, for you will
have some tough assaults made upon that susceptible
organ on the other side of the Cape, where (owing, I am
told, to the high range of the thermometer) it becomes
morbidly sensitive. Take care, too, you do not have to
sing, with a rather lachrymose twist of the facial muscles,
"Dark is my doom! "or, led on by your sensibilities
within the toils of a premature matrimonial union, you
have not to inscribe over your domicile, " spes et for tuna
valete ! "
The party at Mr. Hearty's, or some of them, rode out
every evening in the carriage, and I generally, like a
gallant griffin, took up a position by the steps, for the
purpose of handing them in that is, the female portion.
The precise amount of pressure which a young lady of
sixteen (not stone, but years, be pleased to understand,
for it makes a material difference) must impart to a young
gentleman's hand, when he tenders his services on
occasions of this nature, in order to be in love with him,
is a very nice and curious question in " Amorics " (I
take credit for the invention of that scientific term). In
estimating it, however, so many things may affect the
accuracy of a judgment, that.it is perhaps undesirable to
rely on deductions therefrom, either one way or the other,
42 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
as a secure basis for ulterior proceedings. Touching the
case of the charming Olivia and myself, though there
was certainly evidence of the high-pressure system, I
might long have felt at a loss to decide on the real state
of her feelings, had not my hand on these occasions been
accepted with a tell-tale blush, and a sweet and encourag-
ing smile, that spoke volumes. Let me not be accused
of vanity, if I say, then, that the evidence of my having
made an impression on the young and susceptible heart
of Olivia Jenkins was too decided to be mistaken. I
felt that I was a favourite, and I burned with all the
ardour of a griffin to declare that the " sentiment si doux"
was reciprocal. The wished-for occasion was not long
in presenting itself.
One evening, Olivia and some of the party remained
at home, the carriage being fully occupied without them.
Off drove Mr. and Mrs. Hearty, and a whole posse of
friends and visitors, to take their usual round by Chepauk
and the Fort, kissing hands to Olivia and one or two
others, who stood on the terrace to see them depart.
They were no sooner gone than I proceeded to enjoy my
accustomed saunter in the coco-nut grove, at the back of
the house. There was a delicious tranquillity in the
hour which produced a soothing effect on my feelings.
The sun had just dipped his broad orb in the ocean, and
his parting beams suffused with a ruddy warmth the truly
Oriental scene around. Flocks of paroquets, screaming
with delight, were wheeling homewards their rapid flight;
the creak of the well-wheel, an Indian rural sound, came
wafted from distant fields, and the ring-doves were utter-
ing their plaintive cooings from amidst the shady bowers
of the neighbouring garden
The air, a chartered libertine, was still.
I walked and mused, gazing around on the animated
scenes of nature, which always delight me, when suddenly
one of the most charming of all her works, a beautiful
girl, appeared before me. It was Olivia, who met me
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 43
(undesigneclly of course) at a turn of the avenue. She
appeared absorbed in a book, which, on hearing my steps,
she suddenly closed, and with a blush, which caused the
eloquent blood to mount responsive in my cheeks, she
exclaimed.
" Oh, Mr. Gernon, is this you ? Your servant, sir !
(courtesying half-coquettishly) ; who would have expected
to meet you here all alone, and so solemnly musing ? "
"Is there any thing more extraordinary in it, Miss
Olivia," said I, " than to find you also alone, and enjoy-
ing your intellectual repast, ' under the shade of melan-
choly boughs?' The Chinese, I believe, think that
human hearts are united from birth by unseen silken cords,
which contracting slowly hut* surely, bring them together
at last. What think you, Olivia ? " I continued (we
grow familiar generally on the eve of a declaration),
" may not some such invisible means of attraction have
brought us together at this moment?"
Olivia looked down, her pretty little foot being busily
engaged in investigating the character of a pebble, or
something of the sort, that lay on the walk, and in-
distinctly replied, that she had really never much
considered such weighty and mysterious subjects, but
that it might be even so. Encouraged by this reply, yet
trembling at the thought of my own audacity (bullets
whizzing past me since have not produced half the
trepidation), I placed myself near her, and gently taking
the little, soft, white hand which listlessly, but invitingly,
hung by her side, I said (I was sorely puzzled what to
say),
"I I was delighted, dear Olivia, to find you a
visitor here on my arrival the other day."
" Were you, Mr. Gernon," said the lively girl, turning
upon me her soft blue eyes, in a manner which brought
on a fresh attack of delirium tremens ; " ' delighted ' is
a strong term, but Mr. Gernon, I know, is rather fond of
such, little heeding their full import."
" Strong ! " I replied, instantly falling into heroics ;
44 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
"it but "feebly expresses the pleasure I feel on see-
ing you. Oh, dearest Olivia," I continued, all the
barriers of reserve giving way at once before the high
tide of my feelings, " it is in vain longer to dissemble"
(here I gently passed my other unoccupied arm round
her slender waist) ; " I love you with the fondest
affection. Deign to say that I possess an interest in
your heart."
A slight and almost imperceptible increase of pres-
sure from the little hand locked in mine, and a timid
look from the generally lively but now subdued and
abashed girl, was the silent but expressive answer I
received. It was enough, for a griff, at least. I drew
her closer to my side she slowly averted her head ;
mine followed its movement. The vertebral column
had reached its rotary limit so that there was a sort
of surrender at discretion and I imprinted a long and
fervent kiss on the soft and downy cheek of Olivia.
Oh, blissful climax of a thousand sweet emotions ;
too exquisite to endure, too precious for fate to accord
more than once in an existence the first innocent kiss
of requited affection how can I ever forget ye ?
Let raptured fancy on that moment dwell,
"When my fond vows in trembling accents'jfell ;
When love acknowledged woke the trembling sigh,
Swelled my fond breast and filled the melting eye.
Yes, surely, " love is heaven, and heaven is love," as
has been said and sung any time for the last three
thousand years; and Mahomed showed himself deeply
read in the human heart, when he made the chief de-
light of his paradise to consist in it; not, I suspect,
as is generally imagined, the passion in its purely
gross acceptation, but that elevating and refining sen-
timent which beautifully attunes all our noblest emo-
tions ; which, when it swells the heart, causes it to
overflow, like a mantling fountain, to refresh and fertilize
all around. No, I shall never forget the thrill of delight
with which I committed that daring act of petty larceny.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 45
" Yes," I continued, " dearest Olivia, I have long
loved you. I loved you from the first, and would fain
indulge a faint hope" (this was hypocritical, for I was
quite sure of it) " that I am not wholly indifferent to
you."
The deepest blush overspread Olivia's neck and face ;
she was summoning all her maidenly resolution for an
avowal : " Dear Mr. Gernon," she said, " believe me, "
" Stope him ! stope him, Gernon," roared a stentorian
voice at this moment ; " cut the deevil off fra' the tree ! "
It was that confounded Patagonian Scotch cadet, in
full cry after a squirrel, which, poor little creature, in
an agony of fear, was making for a tree near to which
we stood. " As you were," never brought a recruit
quicker into his prior position, than did this unseasonable
interruption restore me to mine. Olivia hastily resumed
her studies and her walk, whilst I, to prevent suspicion,
and consequent banter, joined in the chevy to intercept
the squirrel, secretly anathematizing Sandy McGrigor,
whom I wished., with all my heart, in the bowels of Ben
Lomond.
Header, you may be curious to know whether Olivia
Jenkins became in due time Mrs. Gernon. Ah, no !
Ours was one of those juvenile passions destined to be
nipped in the bud ; one of those painted baubles, swel-
led by the breath of young desire, which float for a brief
space on the summer breeze, then burst and disappear :
or a perennial plant, whose beautiful maturity passes
rapidly to decay.
Our destinies pointed different ways. Too much cal-
culation was fatal to her happiness ; too little has been,
perhaps, as detrimental to mine. Years on years rolled
on, chequered by many strange vicissitudes, when, in
other scenes and under widely different circumstances, we
met again : the flush of youth had long departed from
her cheeks the once laughing eyes were brilliant no
more and
The widow's sombre cap concealed
Her once luxuriant hair.
46 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
" Do you remember," said I, adverting to old times,
"our meeting in the coco-nut grove at Madras? "
"Ah !" she replied, with a sigh, "I do indeed; but
say no more of it ; a recurrence to the sunshiny days
of my youth always makes me sad : let us speak of
something else the recent, the present, the future."
******
There was one little thing dey do call de mosquito,
He bitee de blackmans, he no let him sleep-o-
Sing ting ring, ting ting ring ting, ting ring ting taro.
So then runs the negro's song; and unless all is illu-
sion and delusion, as the Berkleyans hold, the " white-
mans," as I can vouch from actual experience, are
equally entitled to have their misfortunes as pathetically
recorded. I believe, however, it would be as difficult to
say anything entirely original about musquitoes as to
discover a new pleasure, or the long sought desideratum
of perpetual motion; nevertheless, my subject being
India, it would not be en regie to pass them over alto-
gether in silence; suffice it therefore to say, the first
nights of my stay at Mr. Hearty's I was by a cruel
oversight put into a bed without the usual appendage
a set of gauze curtains. The door of my apartment,
which was on the ground floor, opened on the garden,
and a well, a pool, and a dense mass of foliage, formed a
splendid musquito-preserve, within a few yards of it. A
couple of oil-lights, in wall-shades, burnt in the room ;
the doors were open, the night close and oppressive. It
was truly " the genial hour for burning," though not
exactly in Moore's sense of the passage ; and then such a
concerto ! " Quack ! quack ! quack ! " said the mezzo-
soprano voices of the little frogs " croak ! croak !
croak ! " responded in deep bass the huge Lablaches of
the pool " click ! click ! " went the lizards " " ghur !
ghur ! " the musk-rat, as he ricketed round the room,
emitting his offensive odour ; whilst
Countless fire-flies, gems of light,'
Bright jewels of the tropic night,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 47
spangled the trees in all directions. The idea of Alad-
din's garden, to which his soi-disant uncle introduced
him, was presenting itself to my mind, when the nip of a
musquito recalled me from the fanciful to the considera-
tion of painful realities. The sultry heat of an Indian
night in the rains is sometimes terrific : not a hreath
moving ; hut, to make up for it, a universal stir of reptile
and insect life, with a croak, hum, hiss, and buzz, per-
fectly astounding. What a prize for the musquitoes was
I a fine, fresh, ruddy griffin, full of wholesome blood,
the result of sea-breezes and healthy chylification ! and,
in good sooth, they did fall foul of me with the appetite
of gluttons. Sleep ! bless your dear, simple heart, the
thing was about as possible as for St. Lawrence to have
reposed on his gridiron. I tingled from top to toe with
an exquisite tingling. In vain I scratched in vain I
tossed in vain I rolled myself up like a corpse in a
winding-sheet. Nought would do; so out I jumped,
half phrenzied, and dipping my hand in the oil-glasses
of the lamps, I rubbed their unctuous contents over
my body, to deaden the intolerable itching an effect
which in some degree it produced. Thus I spent the
long hours of the sultry night ; towards morning, the
musquitoes being gorged, tortured into insensibility,
and nature fairly worn out, I procured a little rest.
At breakfast I made my appearance on two conse-
cutive mornings a ludicrous figure, the object at once of
pity and amusement : eyes bunged up, lips swelled, and
cheeks puffed out, like bully Ajax in Homer Travestie,
all of which, to a young man of decent exterior, and who,
in those days, rather valued himself on his appearance,
was exceedingly annoying. Mrs. Hearty, though with a
look in which the comic and the tragic struggled for the
mastery, now took compassion on me, expressed great
regret for the oversight, and furnished my bed with a set
of musquito- curtains. "Whine away, you rascals," said
I then to the musquitoes, exultingly ; " blow your penny
trumpets, you everlasting vagabonds ! you have had your
48 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIX.
last meal on me, rest assured." What glorious sleep I
had after that !
After a fortnight's stay at Madras, and a vain search
for Ramee Sawmee Dahash, who, having some linen of
mine to get washed, and a small balance of money to
account for, thought it " too much trouble" to make his
appearance, I bid adieu to my hospitable friends, re-
embarked on board the Rottenleam Castle, and set
sail for Bengal. Our society, officers and passengers,
met again with renewed pleasure, temporary separation
being a great enlivener of the kindly feelings, which, like
everything else, require tact and management to keep
them in a state of vigour. Each, during his sojourn on
shore, appeared to have renovated his stock of ideas, and
to have picked up something congenial to his peculiar
humour. The colonel had met with several old friends,
and matters to be told, " wondrous and strange," and
quite out of the common, followed as a natural conse-
quence. Grinnerson had had some " rare larks and
sprees " ashore, and been " coming the old soldier " over
some young hands at the Navy Tavern. Miss Dobbikins
criticised rather severely (as her Bath experiences gave
her every right to do) the tournure of the Madras belles,
whom she had seen at balls and conversazione. Capt.
Marpeet, who had been at sundry * drills and reviews,
favoured us with elaborate discussions on the military
performances of the Mulls* which he considered very
inferior to those of the Qui hyes, by whom, to borrow his
own nervous and expressive phraseology, "they were
beaten by chalks." Even the usually taciturn Grundy
became eloquent, when he spoke of the luxuries of the
tents, and his sufferings from the musquitoes ; and as
for myself, being of an artistical turn, I enlarged princi-
pally on the interesting character of Oriental scenery,
but omitting, of course, some of the peculiar attractions
of the " coco-nut grove."
* Hulls cant term for Madrassees.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 49
CHAPTER VI.
ON leaving the roads of Madras, we bent our course to
the eastward. For a day or two we had light winds and
agreeable weather, and our gallant vessel glided on, under
a cloud of snowy canvas, like some stainless swan before
the dimpling breezes of a mountain tarn, little heeding
the coming danger, which was to lay all her bravery low.
Soon, however, a (by me) never-to-be-forgotten tornado,
which I shall attempt to describe, burst in upon us in all
its fury.
The first indication we had of the coming storm (being
still but a short distance from Madras) was on the morn-
ing of the third day, when a few wild clouds began to
scatter themselves over the face of the hitherto spotless
sky. The breeze freshened, and an occasional squall
made the good ship salaam deeply to the waves. Captain
McGumn looked to windward, shook his head, and ap-
peared grave. He now (for there was evidently mischief
brewing) held a brief consultation with Gillans, the chief
mate, and then immediately ordered the small sails to be
taken in. At about 8 P.M. of the same day, the fore and
main topsails, as I was told, were double-reefed, and the
mainsail and maintopsail furled. The next morning, the
breeze still continued strong, and the albatrosses and
gannets, heralds of the storm, skimmed wildly over the
yeasty waves. A heavy and a turbulent sea now got up,
which broke over the ship, causing her to roll heavily,
and admit much water.
" We're in for it, I'm afraid/' said Grinnerson to the
first mate, '* and no mistake."
" You may say that, when you write home to your
friends," growled forth that sententious worthy; "I'd
rather be looking at the end than the beginning of it, I
can tell you."
E
50 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
Scarcely were the words out of Gillan's mouth, when
a screeching blast flew through the shrouds and ratlines ;
"bang ! " went one of the sails, with the report of a six-
pounder, and the Eottenleam Castle took a deep and
fearful heel to leeward.
" How's her head now ? " said Gillans, with energy,
starting up, to the man at the wheel.
" North-east, and by east, sir," was the quick reply.
" All hands aloft/' roared the mate, " to take in main-
sail; " and away went the tars swarming up the rigging,
poor little shivering middies and all, and the perilous
duty was soon performed, the sail being set to steady her.
Towards noon, the wind and sea increased, and the
weather wore a still more threatening appearance.
There are few situations which more thoroughly call
forth all the noble energies and resources of man's mind,
than the working of a vessel in a tempest, or the order-
ing of troops in the heat of a battle. A cool head, and
nerves as steady as a rock, are essentially necessary in
both. McGuffin was quite a Wellington in his way;
and on the present occasion, I felt a pride in my country-
men, as I marked him, the officers, and men, calmly pre-
paring, as it were, move by move, for the coming onset
of the gale.
"Down royal-masts and top gallant yards," shouted
the iron-tongued Gillans ; and down, spite of the flap-
ping of canvas and banging of blocks and ropes, they
came in a trice. This precautionary measure was not
taken a whit too soon, for the wind rapidly increased to
a gale, and the ship rolled heavily, from the violence and
irregularity of the sea. At this moment, Grundy, evi-
dently very uneasy, and in violation of all nautical
decorum, began to whistle, less, probably, from want of
thought, than with a view to drown it. This brought
the first mate upon him immediately.
"Halloa, sir," said he, "haven't we got wind enough,
but you must be whistling for more ? Drop that music,
if you please."
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 51
Gnrady incontinently held his peace. The dismayed
passengers now sought shelter in their cabins, with the
exception of a few well-muffled storm amateurs, who
clung about the cuddy doors, casting furtive glances
aloft at the wild-driving scud, and listening to the manly
voices of the officers and seamen as heard above the
roaring of the gale. A rough cradle, and a dismal lul-
laby, indeed, was this, for myself and the other nautical
infants on board.
At about 1 1 o'clock the wind increased ; the decks
were almost continually submerged, the fore and main-
topsails were furled, and soon after the ship was wore, the
sea running mountains high, under the fore and main-
top-mast stay-sail. The captain, having ordered the
foresail to be hauled up, the ship, in nautical language,
was hove-to, the gale blowing with uncommon fury.
The sky now began to assume a most threatening and
lurid aspect. Just such a murky gloom surrounded us
as that in which Satan is finely described by Milton ;
when " aloft incumbent on the dusky air," he hovered
over that " ever-burning " region, which his " unblest
feet " were about to tread. The barometer fell rapidly,
and our courage, that is, of us landsmen, in a proportion-
ate ratio, whilst the vast and angry billows, like wild and
maned steeds above prostrate foes, swept in rapid suc-
cession over our quivering bark. With what intense
longing to be there did I now think of the snug green
parlour and blazing sea- coal fire at home ! Ah ! thought
I, with a sigh, how true it is, " we never know the value
of a friend till we lose him ! "
An attempt to take in, and house, the top-gallant
masts, failed, owing to the violent rolling of the ship ;
but every thing practicable was effected by our indefati-
gable crew, although reduced by the" recent impressment,
to secure the masts from the evidently increasing hurri-
cane. The hatches were battened down, and all made
snug for the approaching " tug of war." All was now
breathless suspense, and a stern gravity sat on the boldest
E 2
52 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
countenance, when a sudden and tremendous blast threw
the ship on her beam-ends, and, with a terrific crash, the
mainmast went by the board, carrying with it, in its fall,
the mizen-yard, poop, sky-lights, hen-coops, larboard
quarter gallery, and three of our seamen. Here was
" confusion worse confounded " passengers and servants
making their escape from beneath the wreck sailors
shouting, tugging, and hauling a chaos of disasters
enough to daunt, one would suppose, the stoutest heart ;
but he little understands the stuff of which English
seamen are composed, who thinks there was any quailing
or relaxation of energy here. Sudden as the disaster
were the efforts made to repair it. The voice of the
officer was instantly heard above the storm, giving direc-
tions, and the active crew immediately at work, with
their axes, cutting the shrouds and ropes, for the purpose
of detaching the wreck of the mast from the vessel,
which, beating furiously against the bottom and sides,
seemed to threaten her with instant destruction.
With infinite difficulty, this operation was at last ef-
fected, and the short but delusive "pleasures of hope"
once more dawned upon us. On getting clear of the
wreck, the vessel partially righted, the hurricane raging
with awful violence, the sea running right over her, and
sweeping, with resistless force, every opposing article
from the deck. Our only remaining sail, the foresail,
was now, with much difficulty, taken in, and the vessel
scudded under bare poles. Throughout the remainder
of the day, the hurricane raged with unabated fury : the
ship rolled gunwales under, and the water poured in
through the aperture caused by the broken mast. Never
can I forget the sounds and scenes below the groaning
of the timbers, the labouring and lurching of the ship,
like the throes and struggles of a dying man ; the moans
and cries of the women stores, cargo, cabin, bulk-heads,
baggage, and a cannon or two, all loose and adrift, and
dashing with frightful violence from side to side, as if
animated by some maddening spirit of destruction.
MEMOIKS OF A GKIFFIN. 53
" Colonel," said Marpeet rather archly who, in or
out of season, loved a joke to the ex-resident, clinging
on close to me, his teeth chattering like a pair of casta-
nets ; "Colonel, you, I take it, have never seen anything
to beat this ? "
" Eh ! why no ! not exactly," said the colonel, who,
having the fear of Davy's Locker hefore his eyes, seemed
rather loath to indulge in anything apocryphal.
But the climax was yet to come. About 8 P.M. the
wind suddenly shifted to an opposite quarter, and blew,
if possible, with greater fury. My feelings, however,
exhausted by excitement, now sank into that state of
apathetic quiescence which disarms death of all its
terrors ; when, in fact, we can feel no more, but pati-
ently await the worst. Nature thus wisely, at a certain
point, always brings insensibility to our relief the last
sigh of departing hope gives birth to resignation. About
one o'clock the next day a tremendous sea broke on
board, burst open and destroyed the remainder of the
poop-cabins and cuddy, and swept chairs, tables, medicine-
chests, and every movable they contained, overboard,
filling the lower deck with water ; but providentially no
more lives were lost. The hurricane still raging, clouds
and sea commingled ; the foremast snapped short off by
the deck, and falling athwart the bows, carried with it
the jib-boom, leaving the battered hulk, with one muti-
lated mast, to contend alone with the fury of the elements.
A wave, moreover, at this instant, dashed one of our
boats to splinters, and nearly made a wreck of another.
Thus were the grounds of hope giving way, like a quick-
sand, under our feet. To add to the intensity of orr dis-
tress, a pitchy darkness enveloped us when the foremast
fell overboard, and the sea breaking, in one continued
mighty volume, over the vessel, none could go forward to
cut it away ; perilous to our safety as was its continuing
attached to the bows. Oh ! for the genius of a Falconer,
that I might adequately depict the horrors of the scene
at this moment ! Ye " fat and greasy citizens," ye
54 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
grumbling John Bulls of every grade, who own the
great oracle of retrenchment as your leader, little need
ye grudge the soldier or sailor his hard-earned pittance,
the price of perils such as these. An inky night, whose
gloom was, ever and anon, pierced by a long, blue, zig-
zag flash of lightning, like one of those wrath-directed
bolts of heaven, which Martin, with such fine effect, in-
troduces into his pictures the roar of elements the
crippled and lumbered vessel, rolling and plunging like
a maddened steed, encumbered with the wreck of a
shattered vehicle, the few dim lanterns, buttoned up, and
hugged to the bosoms of the quarter-masters, the drip-
ping, comfortless, but uncomplaining tars ; the captain and
his officers, muffled in fear-noughts, and the group, of
which I formed one, clinging on here and there, in order
to see the worst of what we had to encounter, formed a
portion of the picture. Then the stifled sobs, and shrieks
and prayers from the women below, filling, like the voices
of wailing spirits, the momentary lullings of the gale ;
the violent beatings of the fallen mast, like a catapult,
against the bows, felt through the whole vessel, and fill-
ing, even the stout hearts of the captain and his crew
with well-founded dismay at each successive thump,
formed some of its alarming accompaniments.
" Gillans, we maun get clear of that mast, or 'twill be
the ruin of us all," shouted the captain through his
trumpet.
Gillans paused a moment: "It must be done, sir,"
said he ; " but how to get to her head through this
mountain sea I hardly know."
"I'll try it," said the gallant Grinnerson the wag
now transformed into the hero "happen what may."
Saying this, he seized an axe, and accompanied by a
part of the crew, dashed forward, holding by the shat-
tered bulwarks as they advanced. A few seconds of
breathless suspense now elapsed, when a long dazzling
flash illumined the vessel; down she lay, deep in the
trough of the sea, whilst, by its light, a mountain wave
MEMOIBS OF A GBIFFIN. 55
appeared hanging over her, like a spirit of evil, and about
to break by its own enormous weight. It broke down
it came, with a stunning smash, on the devoted vessel,
taking her on the forecastle and midships, sparkling and
fizzing in the lurid glare of the lengthened flash. The
ship dived down, as if about to be engulphed. " We're
gone ! " burst forth from many a voice. Slowly, how-
ever, she rose again from the effects of the stunning
blow, and another flash exhibited a group of sailors on
the forecastle, actively cutting and hacking away at the
ropes and shrouds. In a few seconds the vessel seemed
eased ; the mast had been cut away, and shortly after,
the heroic Grinnerson, streaming with sea-water, was
amongst us. He had escaped, though two of the gallant
fellows who had accompanied him had been swept away
to a watery grave.
" The Lord be thankt ! ye ha'e done weel, sir," said
McGuffin, wringing the second mate's hand in his iron
gripe ; " ye ha'e saved the ship."
The ship was now relieved, and the wind evidently
falling, hope revived. I descended below, and throwing
myself into my cot, slept, spite of the uproar, soundly
till morning.
On rising, I found the wind had greatly subsided;
but a heavy sea still remained, in which our mutilated
vessel rolled and tumbled like a porpoise. All danger,
however, was past, and the sea was rapidly going down.
Damages were partially repaired. The crew and passen-
gers refreshed themselves, and deep and heartfelt con-
gratulations were exchanged. Captain McGuffin, to-
wards evening, the vessel being steadier, assembled the
crew on deck, and offered up thanksgivings to Him who
" stilleth the raging of the storm," for our happy preser-
vation. It was an impressive sight to behold the
weather-beaten tars, their hats reverentially doffed,
ranged along the deck, their lately excited energies sunk
into the calm of a thoughtful and devotional demeanour ;
the pale and jaded passengers, seated abaft, many an eye
56 MEMOIES OF A GRIFFIN.
gratefully upturned ; the wild sea and battered hull ; and
in the centre, bare-headed and erect, the tall and brawny,
yet simple-hearted man, our commander, his prayer-book
resting on the capstan, his left hand on the leaves, and
his right stretched out, as, with a fervour which nothing
but his religious feeling could have excited in him, he
read firmly, in his broad but nervous Scotch accents, the
form of thanksgiving due to Him who had succoured us
in our danger, and " with whom are the issues of life and
death."
To prove a particular providence is a hard and baffling
task ; but we can never err or if we do it is on the
right side when we pour out our hearts in gratitude to
God, for every blessing or deliverance, come to us by
what concurrence of causes it may.
By an observation we now found we were off the Tenas-
serim coast. The ship's head was consequently put to
the northward, and on we sailed towards our destination.
At length, on a fine blowing day in the S. W. monsoon,
the good ship the Rottenleam Castle, after a five months'
voyage, entered on the turbid waters of the Sand Heads,
renowned for sharks, shipwrecks, and the intricacy of its
navigation, dashing on in good style, despite of the
battering of the late gale, under all the sail she could
carry on the foremast, and two spars rigged out as sub-
stitutes for those we had lost. All eyes were, at this
time, anxiously on the look-out for the pilot. At length
a sail was visible on the horizon, and ere long, a rakish
little brig, with the Company's Yankee-looking pilot-
colours flying from the peak, came bowling down, and
was pronounced nem. con. to be (strange misnomer) the
pilot schooner. Not a moment elapsed ere a boat,
manned by lascars, put off from her, and in a few
minutes more, the rattle of oars and the boatswain's
whistle announced its arrival alongside. The pilot,
accompanied by a bronzed stripling of fifteen, in a
seaman's round jacket and large straw hat, and whose
business was to cast the lead, now mounted the side, and
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 57
as he stepped on deck, touched his hat in a consequen-
tial sort of manner, which plainly indicated that pilots
were no small men, in these latitudes. Mr. Merry-
weather, for so I believe he was called, was one of a
numerous class, variously subdivided, called the pilot-
service, whose extreme utility none can question who
studies a chart of the Sand Heads, and the embouchure
of the Ganges. The seniors, or branch-pilots, are, some
of them, excellent old fellows, have their vessels in high
order, give capital feeds out of silver plate, and have gene-
rally some valetudinarian from Calcutta on board, invi-
gorating the springs of existence by copious indraughts
of the sea-breeze. Mr. Merryweather had quite the cut
of an original, and I cannot, therefore, resist the incli-
nation I feel to present the reader with a sketch of him.
He was a sturdy, square-built man, of about forty, of
whose jolly countenance it might be truly said, and in
the language of the Latin grammar, " qui color albus
erat, mine est contrarius albo." It presented, at one
view, one of the most singular compounds of brown,
brickdust, and purple I ever beheld ; clearly indicating
that it had long been the scene of a fierce struggle for
the ascendency between the skyey influences of the
Sand Heads, on the one hand, from without, and those
of aqua vitse, from within. Sun and wind, on the whole
seemed to have had the best of it ; but the forces of
aqua vitse had made a most determined stand on that
elevated position, the nose, from which there appeared
little chance of their being dislodged. Our sturdy
Palinurus was attired in a camlet coat, with the uniform
Jion button, the colour whereof, once blue, now exhibited
in its latter days, like a dying dolphin, a variety of inte-
resting shades ; a pair of tight nankeens, extending
about half-way down the calf, encased his lower extremi-
ties, very fully exhibiting their sturdy and unsymmetri-
cal proportions, in which the line of beauty, admitting
that to be a curve, had by Dame Nature been most
capriciously applied. He would have met with a dis-
58 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
tinguished reception in Laputa, being built on strictly
mathematical principles ; for one leg exhibited the seg-
ment of a circle, the other something very like an
obtuse angle. In a sinewy and weather beaten hand,
" spotted like the toad," he grasped a huge telescope,,
covered with rusty green baize, the length of which
was nearly " the standard of a man;" whilst a large
white hat, which bore nearly the same proportion to
bis size that a mushroom does to its stalk, completed
a manly, but not very inviting, portrait.
" Mr. Merry weather, ma gude friend, I'm glad to
see ye luking sae weel," exclaimed our Scotch com-
mander, who, it appeared, was an old acquaintance of
the pilot's. "Why, somebody telt me at Madras, that
ye'ed been near deeiug sin' we were here last."
" Ay, ay, they told you right, captain ; I had a very
tightish touch of the mollera corbus, or whatever 'tis
called, after you left us. Yes, I was within a pint of
getting a birth in Padree Shepherd's godown ; howsom-
ever, the old 'ooman and Dr. Dusgooly brought my
head round to the wind somehow, and now I'm as
fresh as a lark, as a man might say in a manner, and
ready for a tumbler of your toddy, captain, with as
little daylight in it as you please, ha, ha, iia ! "
Thus he ran on for some time, and then in a
similar style, gave us the latest news of the presidency,
which, to the best of my recollection, consisted of
a mutiny, death of a puisne judge, and a talked-
of-war with Nundy Bow Bickermajeet, a potentate of
whom none of us had heard before.
The captain now duly deposed, Mr. Merryweather
took charge of the vessel, and marched up and down
the deck with all the confidence of a small man in-
vested with " a little brief authority," now peering under
the sail, and conning the bearings of the buoys, which
here and there rode gallantly in the channel, like the
huge floats of some giant " bobbing for whale ; " anon
asking briskly the man at the wheel how her head
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 59
was, or thundering out some peremptory order for trim-
ming or shortening the sail. Thus we glided on through
the turbid channel, whilst strong ripples or long lines of
surf, on either hand, with here and there the slanting
masts of a stranded vessel, indicated the perilous nature
of the navigation. At last we caught a glimpse of a
small island, hut recently emerged from the waves, being
like many others at the mouths of great rivers, of rapid
diluvial formation, and immediately after, the low, marshy
and jungle- covered shores of Saugor Island broke in
sight.
To those whose Oriental imaginings have led them to
expect in the first view of Indian land some lovely scene
of groves, temples, and clustering palm-trees, the sight
of the long low line of dismal sunderbund and swamp
must not be a little disappointing. Saugor, however,
Bengal tigers, and the fate of young Munro, are associ-
ated subjects, naturally blended with our earliest recol-
lections. Full oft in my boyish days had I gazed on a
picture representing the monster springing open-mouthed
on his victim, and wondered if it would ever be my lot
to visit a country where pic-nics were disturbed by such
ferocious intruders. Viewed, then, as the head- quarters
of the tigers, and the scene of this memorable exploit of
one of their body, and also as the outpost of our desti-
nation, I deemed Saugor a sort of classic ground, and
gazed upon it with a proportionate interest. Many an
eye, too, besides my own, was bent towards the island,
which wore a most sombre and miserable aspect.
Thinking Mr. Merryweather a person likely to be well
informed on the subject, I ventured to ask him, civilly,
if tigers were as numerous on the island as in young
Mr. Munro's time. I at the same time solicited the loan
of his telescope, thinking, peradventure, I might by its
aid descry a royal Bengal tiger, in full regalia, enjoying
his evening perambulation on the beach. The pilot
stared at me, with as much astonishment as the Brob-
dignag did at the Splacknuck, when he heard him talk,
60 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
or Mr. Bumble, in Dickens' admirable novel, when the
unfortunate Oliver asked for more soup ; but soon
settled it in his mind that I was an arrant griffin, and
that it was not worth his while to be particularly civil to
me.
" Tigers ! " he granted out ; " Ay, ay, there's plenty
o' them, I dare say ; but I've something else besides
tigers to think about, young gentleman ; and you
mustn't talk to me d'ye see, when I'm engaged with a
wessel. As for the glass, it's in hand, and you'd better
ask some one else to lend you one."
To borrow the language of the fancy, I was regularly
floored by this rebuff, and incontinently held my peace,
determining to reserve my zoological inquiries for a fitter
occasion and more communicative person ; at the same
time, lost in astonishment that a man could actually pass
his life in sight of Saugor Island, and yet feel no interest
in royal Bengal tigers. The delusion is a common one,
and not confined to griffins, which leads people to
imagine that others must be interested in what they are
full of themselves.
The wind now suddenly rose, and the sky, which had
long been lowering, assumed an inky hue. Mr. Merry-
weather looked anxious and uneasy, and I heard him
observe to the captain, that we were in for a north- wester,
and that he feared it would overtake us before we
reached the anchorage at Kedgeree. What a north-
wester was I did not exactly know, but the precautionary
measures taken of diminishing the sail, closing hatches
and scuttles, &c., and the appearance of the heavens,
left me no room to doubt that it was one of the various
denominations of the hurricane family.
The scene at this moment, to one unacquainted with
these tropical visitants, though rather alarming, was
singularly wild and magnificent. All around, to the
verge of .the horizon, the sky was of the deepest indigo
hue, whilst dark masses of rolling clouds, like hostile
squadrons, were slowly marshalling over head to the
MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN. 61
thunder's deep rumble and the lightning's flash, which
shot like the gleaming steel of advancing combatants
across the dun fields of death. From the setting sun, a
few long rays, like rods of gold, shot through openings
of the clouds, streaming brightly over sea and land,
bringing forth the lustrous green of the mangroves, and
touching, as with a dazzling pencil of light, the distant
sail, or milk-white seabird's wing.
At length, the sough of the coming tempest was
heard mournfully sweeping through the shrouds, and a
few heavy drops fell on the deck. The ladies' scarves
and shawls began to flutter, and one two hats were
whisked overboard, on a visit to the sharks. This was a
sufficient hint for the majority of the idlers, and they
forthwith dived below. I lingered awhile, and casting
my eyes over the stern at this moment, beheld the
storm driving towards us spray, screaming gulls, and
tumbling porpoises heralding its approach. In a
moment it was upon us. Sheets and floods of driving
rain burst on the ship, as on she hissed through the fry-
ing waters. Buoy after buoy, however, was safely
passed, though it was once or twice " touch and go "
with us; and ere long, to the infinite joy of all on board,
we dropped anchor in safety off Kedgeree.
Never did I listen to more pleasant music than the
rattle of the chain-cable, as it brought us up safe and
sound, or rather unsound, in this harbour of refuge.
Here, in the mouth of the Hooghly river, was comparative
calm and tranquillity, and as we cast our eyes seaward,
and saw the dark brown turbulent sea (for here it is not
green) heaving and tossing, with the surrounding tem-
pestuous sky, and night closing in, and contrasted our
position with that of several far-off vessels, some of them
hull-down, struggling under a press of canvas to reach
the safe berth we had gained, before night and the falling
tide might leave them " outside," environed by perils, we
could not help indulging in very agreeable self- congratu-
lations. 'Tis a sad reflection that our joys should often
62 MEMOIBS OF A GRIFFIN.
derive so much of their intensity from the foil of others'
misfortunes ; hut, alas ! so it is.
Here a fresh supply of fruit, and vegetables, and
fish, from the shore ; a hatch of Calcutta papers ; and sun-
dry other little matters, made things very pleasant. All
were lf alive " and cheerful, and at ten o'clock I turned
in and rose in the morning like " a giant refreshed," full
of agreeable anticipations of the scenes on which I was
about to enter.
CHAPTEK VII.
THE morning after our arrival at Kedgeree I arose early,
and, on coming on deck, found the weather perfectly calm,
and presenting a striking contrast to its appearance on
the previous day. A burning Bengal sun, however,
shone around in all its glory, and was reflected with
painful and dazzling brightness from the now unruffled
surface of the Hooghly. Boats, to me of singularly
novel and picturesque forms some thatched, others
open, and all with long galley-like prows and sterns
were moving here and there, mingled with market-
boats, laden with fruit and vegetables, and light and
graceful dingies, or fishing-canoes, floating down with
their outspread nets and dusky crews on the gentle un-
dulations of the falling tide. Near us, ships of various
descriptions were riding at anchor, from the stately India-
man of those days, with her double tier of ports, and
looking like a seventy-four, to the Arab grab and
country-coaster.
This was a day of considerable bustle and excitement.
The passengers were looking up their baggage, getting
out their letters, or despatching special messengers to
their friends in Calcutta. Boats from the presidency were
continually arriving alongside, freighted principally with
baboos or circars, good-looking fellows for the most part,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 63
with huge green or yellow curly-toed shoes, arid flowing
muslin-robes, as light as the gossamer, and white as
swans'-down. Some came to secure constituents ; others
were deputed by merchants or parties interested in the
ship or passengers ; and not a few keen-witted fellows,
like my friend Ramee Sawmee Dabash, were on the look-
out for " pigeons." With all these arrivals, our deck be-
gan to assume a very lively and animated appearance.
I could not help being forcibly struck with the marked
dissimilarity between the two races, who, here respectively
the subjects of a common power, and from the antipodes,
were engaged in objects of mutual interest, or busy in
the exchange of friendly greetings. There stood the
sturdy Englishman, with his ruddy face, iron muscles,
and broad shoulders, strong in his straightforward
hyperborean honesty ; before him, like some delicate
spaniel, or Italian greyhound, coaxing a bluff old Jowler
of a mastiff, were the wily Asiatics, chattering and sa-
laaming, fearful to offend, their slender and supple limbs
all in motion, and supplying by quickness and address
the want of energy and boldness.
The family union, which had now for five months so
pleasantly subsisted between our party on board, was
about to be dissolved, and already were their thoughts
and feelings on the wing, impatient for other scenes and
objects. The cup of pleasure is seldom unalloyed, and
with mine, at that moment, mingled a drop of bitterness,
as I thought that an important scene of my life was
about to close for ever, and that many of the actors in it,
with whom I had so pleasantly "strutted my hour," J
might never see again. To think that we are leaving
even an inanimate object for ever is a painful thought,
but it acquires almost a solemnity when man, " the mind,
the music, breathing from his face,'" is the being we are
now about to quit. Honest McGuffin, methought, have
I heard your broad Scotch for the last time ? Grinner-
son, my merry wag, will you roast me no more ? Git-
lans, bluntest of seamen, will thy hoarse voice, in the mid-
64 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
night watch, never again startle my ear, when through the
shrouds (rudest of ^Eolians) the rough winds pipe their
wild accompaniment? And, oh! Jemmy Ducks, thou
Pariar of the Eottenbeam Castle, thou great conser-
vator of chickens, shall I never again see thee scramble
over the hencoops, or be more enlivened with a pleasant
vision of thy tarred and ragged hreeks ? Sic transit
gloria mundi!
As a party of us, including the second mate, were
chattering and laughing on the deck about noon, our
attention was suddenly attracted to a handsome pinnace,
with green sides and Venetians, and of a light and beau-
tiful rig, gliding down the river, with all sail loosened,
which, however, the light winds had barely power to
distend. As it approached, we observed an old gentle-
man, and a numerous group of attendants on the chut or
roof. Marpeet immediately observed that we were
about to be visited by one of the Calcutta big wigs ;
and Grinnerson, applying the glass to his eye, ex-
claimed, after a little reconnoitring and slapping his leg
with delight,
" By the piper that played before Moses, if it isn't
that old Tartar, General Capsicum ; he'll keep us all
alive if he comes on board."
The general was seated in an easy chair, smoking a
magnificent hooka, the silver chains and other brilliant
appendages of which were conspicuous even at a distance.
Altogether, with his troop of attendants, he looked not a
little like the chief of Loochoo, as depicted in Captain
Hall's voyage to that interesting island. Of the livened
and whiskered group about him, one swung a huge crim-
son silk punkah, or fan, with a silver handle, the end of
which rested on the deck ; a second held an umbrella of
the same colour over his head ; two more worked chowries,
or whisks, to keep off the flies ; and behind his chair
stood his pipeman, or hookhaburdar, a black-bearded
fellow, with his arms folded, and looking as grave and
solemn as a judge. At the back of all these again, and
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 65
forming a sort of rear-guard, were a body of mace-bearers
and silver-stick men, awaiting the slightest order of the
chief. Well, this is something like Eastern magnificence,
indeed, thought I nil desperandum " Frank Gernon,
hold up your head ; you may be a nabob yet."
Upon the arrival of the pinnace within a very short
distance of the ship, the old gentleman, assisted by his
obsequious attendants, arose from his chair, and moving
to the verge of the roof or poop, with a gait almost as
unsteady as the toddle of an infant, gave us a full view
of about as odd a figure as can well be imagined. In
height, he was below the middle size, and as thin and
shrivelled as an old baboon, to the physiognomy of which
animal his own bore no inconsiderable resemblance ; in-
deed, till I saw him, I never thought much of Lord
Monboddo's theory. He wore a red camlet raggie, or
Swiss jacket, with blue collar and facings, which hung
in bags about him, and a white waistcoat, wide open,
from which a volume of frill protruded. His nether man
was encased in a pair of tight nankeens, buttoned at the
ancle (a singular perversity common to old gentlemen
whose calves have gone to grass), and which exhibited
the extraordinary slenderness of his frail supporters in a
very striking point of view. A queue (the general being
one of the " last of the pigtails "), a round hat of black
silk, a good deal battered, with a bullion loop and button,
completed the outward appearance of the Bengal veteran,
who soon, however, satisfied us that, spite of appearances,
he was, as Grinnerson said, a stout-hearted old fellow,
with plenty of pluck and mental vigour still about him;
one of whom it might be said, that " E'en in his ashes
glowed their wonted fires."
When pretty close, the little old man, from whom a
squeaky and faltering treble might have been expected,
astonished us by shouting out, in a stentorian voice, and
with a tone and accent smacking strongly of the "first
gem of the sea,"
" Is that the Rottenlame Castle, sur ? "
66 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
Being answered in the affirmative, he continued, " Is
Captain McGuffin on "board, sur ? "
McGuffin, who by this time had come to the side,
replied to this question himself. Taking off his hat, and
waving it, he said,
" Hoo air ye, general ? I'm glad to see you, sir, luking
sae weel. Will you come on board, sir ? "
"Hah! McGuffin, is that you? How are you, my
good sur ? " returned the general, raising his hat, too,,
with all the dignity of the old school, or of the guards-
man at Fontenoy. " Sorry to see you in this ugly pickle,
though. Have you got my Cordalia on board? " allud-
ing to his daughter, a widow lady, one of our passengers
from Madras, and who, at this instant, having heard of
her father's arrival, rushed to the side, and kissing one
hand with empressement, whilst she waved her handker-
chief in the other, soon afforded him satisfactory evidence
of her existence.
After some little trouble, the pinnace was safely moored
alongside, and the old general securely, though with
equal difficulty, and a few volleys of abuse to his servants,
deposited by instalments on the deck. Here, however,
he appeared in some danger of suffocation, from the
vigorous embraces of the buxom young widow, who
yielding to the impulses of natural feeling, and regardless
of standers-by, rushed into his arms, and kissed him
with the warmest affection, knocking off his hat by the
collision, and exhibiting to our view the general's vener-
able head, white with the snows of seventy or eighty
winters.
Here, then, in the shrivelled old soldier standing before
me, I beheld a warrior of the days of Olive, a last
representative, probably, of a generation long gone down
to the dust, whose thoughts, dress, and manners so
essentially differed from our own, and who (all honour to
their three-cornered hats and big waistcoats !) had baffled
the Indian in the field and the cabinet, and laid the
foundation of this proud dominion, on which I was about
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 67
to set foot. I looked on him with that respect with
which we contemplate a grey ruin of other days, with
its silent courts, its " banquet-hall deserted," and all its
glorious associations, and which long has withstood the
tempests of the world.
After retiring to the cuddy, and some private con-
versation with his daughter, the general again came on
deck, and had a renewed round of hand-shaking with the
captain, and some other of his acquaintance, whom he
expressed himself as devilish glad to see in India again,
" the hest country in the whole world, by all that's good ! "
He concluded with a look redolent of gunpowder and
hair- triggers, though half jocular, "And where is the
man that will say me nay ? " It was obvious at a glance
the general was what an old Scotch author calls
A fiery Ettercap, a fractious chiel ;
As hot as ginger and as true as steel ;
with not a little of that refined savageism in him, which
exalts the duello into the first accomplishment of a
gentleman.
In Colonel Kilbaugh he recognized an old friend and
brother campaigner, and right cordial was the greeting
between them. A tremendous refighting of battles would
then and there have taken place, it was quite clear, had
time allowed of it ; unless, upon the principle that two
negatives make an affirmative, they should have neutra-
lized their kindred fortes. The general, amongst his
peculiarities of the old school, swore like a trooper;
indeed, so free was his indulgence in that once fashionable,
but now, amongst gentlemen, exploded vice, that had he
been in England, he would doubtless have been liable to
an indictment from the Society for the Suppression of
Vice, for profane swearing.
" By G , you're looking well, though, Kilbaugh,
d d well, upon my soul ; you've taken a new laise of
your existence since you went home."
" Why, eh yes," said the little colonel, pulling up his
F 2
68 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
collar-gills complacently, and looking extremely large for
his size, " we are certainly a new man, general ; nothing
like a few hogsheads of Cheltenham waters for setting a
dyspeptic man on his legs again."
" Indeed, then that's true ; but, Kilbaugh, though you
and I have had some rale plissant days together in old
times eh? you didn't trouble the water much then
by G , and liked your glass as well as any of us,
and (with a palpable wink) that same minus the g, too
minus the g eh ? ha, ha, ha ! "
With this, he made a pass at the ex-resident's ribs
with his extended finger, which the other dexterously
avoided, though with a complacent chuckle which shewed
that he was not displeased at this allusion to his youthful
frolics.
" Well," continued the general, " you'll put up at my
place, and I'll give you a cast in the pinnace. By-the-
bye, you liked a good bottle of beer, Kilbaugh, I re-
member right well, and just now I can give you one, a
ralefoamer; got in a splendid batch lately; it is from
Bell, and by G it bears a bell, too."
So he rattled on ; and the ex-resident having signified
his acceptance of the general's offer, the trio, after a
hearty leave-taking, were soon on board the pinnace, and
on their way to Calcutta.
This was the first time I had seen the Mohamedan
domestics of this part of India, and I was agreeably
struck by their handsome and manly appearance, and the
becoming costume of those in the old general's suite.
Their turbans, vests, loose pajammas or trowsers, and
/cummerbunds or girdles, set off by their crimson belts
and metal badges, and their massive silver batons, gave
them a very striking and picturesque appearance, en-
hanced by luxuriant beards or mustachios, large eyes,
and high features.
There are some strange anomalies attendant on the
march of civilization, and none more so, perhaps, than
the indifference, or rather want of real taste, which na-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 69
tions in a high state of refinement evince in regard to
costume. Whether it is that scientific pursuits, and the
busy occupations of the thoughts on matters of high
social, moral, political, and commercial interest, leave no
time for men to study the graces of attire, or that such a
study is really unworthy of, or incompatible with, cul-
tivated minds, or, as the Quakers think, unfavourable to
morality, certain it is that the art of decorating the person
does not keep pace with other improvements.
Our commander (finding he could not leave Kedgeree
till the following morning), Marpeet, Grundy, and I,
accepted the obliging invitation of Capt. Grogwell, of
the Rohomany barque, country trader, a friend of the
captain, to accompany him in his vessel, then under
weigh for Calcutta.
"I can give you a glass of grog, gentlemen, and a
bit; of curry, and there's my cabin for you to turn into
if you should stay with me overnight," said the frank
and good-humoured sailor ; " but," added he, " there's
no time to be lost for those that go, as the tide's already
on the turn."
A few bags and boxes were soon stowed in Captain
Grogwell's boat, and after many warm adieus from our
friends on board, and the expression of mutual hopes
that we should meet again in Calcutta, off we pushed
for the Rohomany barque.
As we approached her, two or three bronzed faces,
surmounted by straw hats, rose above the side, and
were directed expectantly towards us, whilst the whistling
pipe of the serang, or native boatswain, announced the
skipper's approach alongside. We mounted through a
bevy of the sable crew, and soon stood on the deck of
the country ship, just arrived from a voyage to the
Eastern Islands.
" Welcome on board the Rohomany, gentlemen,
where I hope you will make yourselves at home and
comfortable," said Captain Grogwell. " My first
officer, Mr. Dobbs, gentlemen/' he continued, present-
70 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
ing a tall, brawny, and fine- countenanced man. Mr.
Dobbs made his best leg ; was glad to see us on board.
The lascars now began to weigh the anchor to a wild
and not unmusical chant, with an agreeable chorus of
Ya Ullahs ! All was soon bustle, the anchor a-peak,
and the mates shouting forth their commands in the
most extraordinary lingo that ever grated "harsh music"
on my ears.
" Trinkum Garvey de man," said one ; " Garvey brass
trinkum de man," roared another; whilst Mr. Dobbs, in
a tremendous fury (why I knew not), and stamping like
a madman, sung out " Chop and string your goosey, and
be d d to you all."
These are a few specimens. On hearing the last, I
certainly was inclined to think that the death-warrant
of one of those capital birds who feed on our commons,
and on whom our commons feed (excuse the double
pun), had been pronounced. I wish some Oriental
philologist would give us a history of this nautical
jargon, which, I take it, is a sort of olla podrida of
Portuguese, Bengalee, and heaven knows what dialects
besides the lingua franca of the Indian seas. On we
glided ; passed the " silver tree," a singular vegetable
production, composed of brick and mortar; "Diamond
Harbour," another misnomer, but very Golcondahish in
the sound; and finally, a stiff wind setting in dead
ahead, found it impossible to get round a certain penin-
sula, sometimes called " Hooghly Point," but amongst
sailors, rejoicing in the less euphonious appellation of
" Point Luff and be d d." There was no help for it,
so down went the anchor, and there seemed every
prospect of our having to conjugate the verb ennuyer
till a fresh flow of tide and shift of wind should enable
us to pass this most troublesome part of the river, and
the dangerous shoal of the James and Mary. The
reader must understand that all this was before the days
of steam.
Leaving the white tavern of Fultah, where the Cal-
MEMOIES OF A GEIFFIN. 71
cutta Ion vivant eats mango-fish the whitebait of
India, we soon passed Budge Budge, the scene of the
sailor's unique exploit a story too well known, I fancy,
to need repetition here and in a short time after, on
turning " Hangman's Point " (where once stood an out-
post of civilization), found ourselves opposite " Garden
Reach," the sylvan vestibule of Calcutta. I have seen
few sights in my wanderings more beautiful and im-
posing than the approach to this Petersburgh of the
East, this magnificent capital of our Eastern empire.
On the left was the Botanical Garden, with its screen of
tall dark cypress trees ; on the right, a long succession
of beautiful villas, situated amidst verdant lawns and
park-like pleasure-grounds, sloping gently down to the
water's edge. Here the eye was caught by some pretty
kiosk or summer-house, like the lust-haus of a Dutch
retreat, or such as we sometimes see in the stately
gardens attached to some mansion of the olden time
here at home. There it rested on a ghaut, or flight of
sseps leading to the water, with urns or balustrades,
before which, in the mellow chiar-oscuro of some over-
hanging banyan-tree, lay moored the elegant covered
pleasure-boat of the owner hurrying through the
grounds, a palankeen would appear, with its scampering
bevy of attendant bearers and running peons, the huge
red chattah or umbrella to shield the master from the
sun, when making his exits and entrees, bobbing up
and down standing before many a porticoed mansion,
gigs, or other equipages would appear in waiting, to take
the Sahibs to town, or on their rounds of morning visits,
and mingling in pleasing contrast with the Europeanized
character of these beautiful domains, the lofty palm or
kujjoor would here and there raise its head, the perch
of a knot of solemn vultures ; or parting the grounds
one from another, lofty fences of the graceful and pen-
sile bamboo, might be seen drooping in rich clusters,
like plumes of ostrich feathers. Numerous boats glided
up and down the river, with here and there a vessel like
72 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
our own, obeying the whirling impulses of the tide, and
rapidly approaching its destination all, in fact, bespoke
the close vicinity of a great capital.
The reach nearly past, the proud citadel of Fort
William broke in view, its grinning batteries opening
upon us, one after the other, and affording a lively idea
of the sort of gauntlet which an enemy might reasonably
expect, should one sufficiently hardy ever dare to con-
front them. Here and there on the long-extended
rampart, the sentry " walked his lonely round," his
musket and bayonet gleaming brightly in the noontide
rays, whilst crowds of natives, passing palankeens, and
stately adjutant birds stalking "in grey attire " on the
banks, gave life and animation to the scene a few
minutes more, and a long forest of shipping, with masses
and lines of stately mansions reposing under the still
calm sky, like some Grecian capital of old, bespoke the
City of Palaces, the proud metropolis of British India.
Here was a sight at which a Briton might honestly
exult, and, young as I was, I gazed with pride on this
magnificent creation of my country's civilization and
power the point from which she governs the countless
millions of the dependent Empire which Providence, for
the wisest of purposes, has submitted to her benignant
sway. Old England ! mighty heart ! long may thy
vigorous pulsations be thus felt to the utmost bounds of
our earth ! Nations, like individuals, have their stages
of existence their infancy, their manhood, and their
decline ; some fall into premature decrepitude and dis-
solution, and leave but the memory of evil deeds behind
them ; whilst others sink in glorious maturity, under the
weight of years and honours, leaving the fruits of a well-
spent life behind them, to be embalmed for ever in the
hearts of a grateful posterity. May such be thy lot, O
my country !
MEMOIBS OF A GKIFFIN. 73
CHAPTER VIII.
WE dropped anchor off the city, amongst a crowd of
shipping and a swarm of boats, with which the river seemed
actually alive ; some of them home along by the head-
long " freshes/' and athwart the bows of the vessel, with
fearful and dangerous velocity. I was all anxiety to get
on shore ; so, without waiting for Marpeet and Grundy,
who had some small toilet-matters, &c., to arrange, I put
my boxes and bags into a paunchway a native boat of
a particular description, several of which lay alongside
and, after shaking Captain Grogwell and his mate by the
hand, thanking them cordially for their hospitality, and
expressing a hope that I should see them again before I
left Calcutta, I descended the side, and was soon on my
way to the shore.
" Take care of the land-sharks, sir," said Grogwell, as
I pushed off.
" Have your eyes about you, Gernon, my boy, and
take care of yourself," cried Marpeet, " and I'll beat up
your quarters in a day or two."
At the Ghaut, or landing-place, to which my rowers
forced their way through a thick phalanx of boats of all
sorts and dimensions cutters, dingies, and jolly-boats;
paunchways, budgerows, and bowlias, the two last with
painted Venetians and goggle-eyed figure-heads I landed
amidst a crowd and bobbery to which even the Tower-
stairs, or the piers of Boulogne and Calais, with all their
motley and voluble groups, can hardly furnish a parallel.
Men, women, and children, sipping, dipping, and dabbling,
like ducklings in a shower; females bearing pots or jars
on their heads, and children, resembling little black mon-
keys, astride on their hips ; bhisties, or water-carriers, fill-
ing their bags from the turbid tide, well seasoned with
cocoa-nut husks, defunct brahmins, dead dogs, &c.; puck-
74 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
alls, or bullocks, bearing huge skins of the same pure
element; palankeen-bearers, gabbling (tome) unintelligi-
ble abuse, in eager competion, pushing into the very river,
and banging their portable boxes one against the other in
their struggle to secure fares amongst the frequent arrivals
from the shipping ; baboos, parroquet-venders, chattah-
bearers, sailors, lascars, and adjutant-birds Europe and
Asia commingled in heterogeneous but pleasant confusion.
I had scarcely attained the top of the Ghaut, or flight
of steps, where I waited till my baggage was brought up
and coolies were obtained to transport it, than I found
myself besieged by a bevy of fellows, mentioned before as
baboos, or sircars, and who, though of a distinct species,
I saw at once belonged to the same genus as my friend
Eamee Sawmee Dabash.
" Good marning, Sar," said one (it was near sunset),
ostentatiously displaying his first chop English, approach-
ing with an easy bend, and pressing his right palm some-
what gracefully to his forehead : " Master, I perceive, is
recintly arrive at Bengal pris'dency ? "
" That's pretty clear," said I ; " but can you direct m.e
to the Custom-house, and after that to some good hotel
or tavern ? "
"Oh, sartainly, Sar; everything master require than
I can do ; meditly box come up, I disperse off with
coolie."
" Gentilman," said another, in a milder key, " you
require 'spectable sircar; I got highest tistimonial of
character; you please read this, Sar; this from Gin'nel
Wilkisseen Sahib, this Wakeel Ishtivil Sahib ; " and so he
ran on, murdering several other English names and titles
in succession.
A third, a wizened old fellow, with a pair of spectacles
perched at the end of his nose, proffered his services some-
what in the same way ; but I told them not to trouble
themselves or me, as I had determined on honouring with
my commands the first who had presented himself to my
notice. My new employe, who rejoiced in the pleasant
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 75
cognomen of Chatterniohun Ghose, now again put in his
oar:
" Master's name, I think, will he Mr. Gernon " the
rascal had read it on my box, " same gentleman as was
expect hy Rottenleam-i-castle ? "
" Yes, it is indeed," said I, astonished to find myself
known ; " but how the devil came you acquainted with it ? "
" Oh," he replied, " we always ver well know whin
military gentilmen are expected at pris'dency from ship ;
beside I not know, but I think, master will have some
relation this country face all same one gentleman I
know, only more young leetle more handsome."
I interposed with "Stuff! none of your blarney; but,
perhaps, you mean, my uncle, Colonel Gernon," rather
pleased to meet so soon after landing with one even
amongst the natives who had probably known a relative :
young people hear so much of their uncles and grand-
fathers, &c., at home, that they enter life with an idea
that all the world must know something about them.
" What ! " exclaimed Chattermohun who was a
thorough Don Kaphael in his way, and with well-dis-
sembled pleasure, "What Connel Gernon Sahib master
uncle ? I think that all same time. Connel very good
gentilman, my hist of frind always he impel oy me when
he come Calcutta. Connel command Europan rig'ment,
I think, at Danapoor ? "
" Oh, no," I rejoined ; " you mistake ; my uncle has
been some time dead, and I think was never in a European
regiment."
" That I know, Sar,ver well," continued Chattermohun.
briskly, and not at all disconcerted ; " but when live, I mean,
belong native rig'ment (I make small obliteration before)
that some time was that place."
" Yes, yes ; he was in the native infantry, certainly,"
said I ; " but where stationed is more than I can tell.
And so you really knew my uncle, did you, eh ? And
think me like him ? Perhaps, too, you have heard of
another relation of mine here in India Mr. Duggins ? "
76 MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN.
" What Mr. Duggin, what was civil sarvice ? "
"No, no," I answered; "here in the law, in Cal-
cutta."
" Oh ! what master mean Mr. Duggin 'slicker ? Yes,
sar, I know him ver well ; he greatly respect-i-me
that time he was live."
" Why, I trust he's not dead ?" I exclaimed, in aston-
ishment : " he was well at Bombay the last accounts we
had of him."
" No, Sar, not dead ; master not underistand ; I mean
that time was live here, Chowrunghee."
Though rather green and guileless in those days, as
may he inferred from the foregoing example, and unwilling,
unless on something stronger than mere primd facie
evidence, to imagine deception ; yet I began to suspect
that the rascal was humbugging me for a purpose, and was
about to let him know as much, in rather strong terms,
when he adroitly changed the key.
" Master will be in 'tillery, I think ? "
"No," said I impatiently; "infantry, infantry; but
don't bother, and us be off."
"All same," he continued, determined to have his
talk out ; " master will require plenty thing, all which I
can supply bist of quality if require too good-i-sar-
vant : will you take this man ? plenty character he
got."
So saying, he presented to my notice a queer, raffish-
looking fellow, with a bush of hair and a black beard,
and dressed in quite a different style of costume to that of
the others. This worthy a Mussulman khidmutgar or
footman made his salaam, and thrust into my hand two
or three well-soiled certificates, which stated that Bam-
jahn Khan (ang. Kumjohnny,) had served the writers
(captain this and lieutenant that) with zeal and fidelity,
and to their perfect satisfaction. Of these " characters,"
by the way, all domestics have a stock, or, if not, they bor-
row or hire them (being as accommodating one to another
in that way, as was the Irish priest who, as related by
MEMOIRS OF A GEIFFIN. 77
the pleasant author of Wild Sports of the West, on a
pinch, and to save appearances, gave his friend, the Pro-
testant curate of Gonnemara, the loan of his congregation),
with sufficient information touching the subscribers to
allow of some slight questioning, though hy no means
of an adroit cross-examination a thing at this time,
however, in the native language, quite heyond my powers,
albeit I had puzzled my hrains a little on ship-hoard
with a certain celehrated philologist's orthoepigraphico-
pseudolatitudio-logical works, and could patter a few
sentences of Hindostanee in the " Myn nuheen kitai
(won' style, in a way really to " astonish the natives."
To cut the matter short, however, I hired Kumjohnny
on the strength of his testimonials ; and having now got
my haggage all up, moved off with him and Chatter-
mohun Ghose to the Custom-house. Having arranged
matters there, I proceeded through the thronged streets
of Calcutta to a tavern or punch-house, somewhere in
the aristocratic region of Ranamoody Gully ; a sort of
place of entertainment which, in those days (though,
from their improved character the case is now, I under-
stand, different), it was considered quite infra dig. in a
gentleman to visit. However, being a griff, I knew
nothing of this, and if the case had been otherwise, I
should have been without an alternative. Dirty table-
cloths, well spotted with kail and mustard ; prawn cur-
ries, capital beef- steaks, domestics of the cut of Eum-
johnny, a rickety, rusty, torn billiard-table, on which,
day and night, the balls were going, lots of shippies, and
a dingy bed, were the leading features of this establish-
ment, not forgetting clouds of voracious and well-fleshed
musquitoes, to which those of Madras were a mere joke.
I shall not inflict on the reader a dry detail of the
occurrences of the next three days ; let it suffice to state,
that at the end of that period, having duly reported my
arrival, &c., I found myself in possession of an advance of
1 50 sicca rupees, sterling money of Bengal, four bare walls
and a puckah floor in the south barracks of Fort William,
78 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
and about to fit up the same in the first style of griffinish
fashion, under the able direction of Ohattermohun Ghose.
The south barracks is one of several ranges within the
Fort, and allotted principally to the accommodation of un-
married subs. Like the Burlington Arcade, it has a long
passage down the centre, into which the doors of the
several quarters open ; but here the resemblance ceases.
Here I had a practical illustration of the ill-working of
the social system, the living in a species of community
under the present discordant and defective state of our
feelings and habits. The passage was sounding and
reverberating, and each occupant of a quarter had much
of the benefit of his neighbour's flute, fiddle, or French
horn, whether " i' the vein" for harmony or not ; shoe
brushings, occasional yells of servants j undergoing the
discipline of fist or cane, jolly ensigns and cadets clatter-
ing up and down, cracking horsewhips, whistling the
"Flaxen-headed Cow-toy" or " Begone Dull Care"
the arrival of files of coolies laden with purchases from
the China Bazaar or Tulloch's Auction Boom, pleasantly
varied by interminable wranglings on the part of master's
sirdar or bursar, touching payments and dustoorie, or
custom ; payees urging pleas in deprecation of abate-
ment, sirdar overruling the same constituted a few of
the desagremens of a south-barrack life. The optical
department was not less varied and novel ; but it could be
shut out at pleasure, an advantage not predicable of the
former.
The aspect of the passage varied with the hour ; he
who strolled down it, about the hour of dawn, or a little
after, might catch glimpses, through half-opened doors,
of all stages of the toilet, from soap-suds and dressing-
gowns, to what painters term the "ultima lasia" or finish-
ing touches ; possibly, too, he might have a peep at the
ensign's lady, "the soldier's bride," divested of all the
romance with which song- composers and novelists are
wont to invest her ; hair en papillottes, sleeves tucked
up, and washing Augustus or Tommy. At ten, the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 79
scene was changed ; without the doors, on the ground,
might be seen a goodly display of trays, with egg-shells,
fish-bones, rice, muffin, and other wrecks of breakfast ;
sweepers certain degraded menials, "all same caste as
master/' squatting near and waiting for the said
remnants ; hookhas or kulians in course of preparation
for those who indulged in the luxury of smoking ; and
here and there, perhaps, a sergeant, havildar, or strapping
grenadier sepoy, waiting for the summons from within to
give his morning's report : noon and evening, tiffin and
dinner, each brought its appropriate proceedings, and
varied the aspect of the common passage, which will
long, with the force of a first impression, remain strongly
engraven on my memory.
Of late years, with the view of protecting young
officers on their arrival, from those impositions, scrapes,
and embarrassments, to which, owing to their youth and
inexperience, they were formerly exposed, the Govern-
ment has considerately created an appointment, called
the " superintendent of cadets," a measure well cal-
culated to mitigate the evil.
The system of sending youths to India at the early
ages of fifteen or sixteen, appears to me to be one
fraught with evil, against which its advantages weigh
but as dust in the balance. At that early age, the
character and principles are generally quite unformed,
and, intoxicated on becoming uncontrolled master of
himself, emancipated from the thraldom of home or
school, the cadet launches or did launch (unless, in this
" go-a-head " age, things have greatly altered) into idle-
ness, dissipation, and frivolity, feeling through life (if
not cut off in his prime) the effects of habits and follies
which, under all circumstances, and knowing youth's
plastic nature, it was not probable he would avoid.
Often the finest natures are the first to fall victims to
the absence of salutary restraint, or they plough their
way to wisdom through bitter experience, finding that
" gem above price " when it is probably too late to be of
80 MEMOIES OF A GRIFFIN.
use to them. The wildnesses and consequent escapades
of such boys have tended to lower the European
character very considerably in the estimation of the
natives ; and the sepoys, and above all, the veteran native
officers, must, and I am convinced do, feel strongly their
being subjected to the control and caprice of such
striplings. It is, perhaps, an unavoidable consequence
of our anomalous rule in India, that the native should
in no case be allowed to command the European ; but,
wherever possible, we should at least avoid placing hoary
age and madcap inexperience in such a degrading juxta-
position. I have known such youths (truth obliges me
to include myself amongst the number) order about, and
not unfrequently use harsh and unbecoming language
to venerable native officers, whose silver beards, and
breasts covered with medals, spoke of many a campaign,
and services rendered to the state, before probably even
the stripling's sire was in existence. As the empire of
opinion the awe which our superior energy and science
have inspired dies away, and even now it is on the
wane it will be well to have a store of affection on
which to fall back an anchorage in the hearts of the
people of India, when our power over their prejudices has
relaxed its hold.
Chattermohun Ghose, having, as a preliminary pro-
ceeding, given me a list of things which I must have
Bengal indispensables and having been duly authorized
to procure the same, he very soon made his appearance
with about a dozen and a half of coolies or porters,
bearing, amongst other articles, a camp-table, a cane-
bottom sleeping-cot, a setringie, or cotton carpet, about
one-third the size of my room, two chairs, some Chinese
chinaware, and copper cooking-utensils, and a huge
basin, something of the shape of Mambrino's helmet, on
an iron tripod stand, which it puzzled me sorely to guess
the use of.
" What do you call this, Chattermohun ? " said I; " is
it a chafing-dish, or what ? "
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 81
" Chafey-dish ! no, Sar ; that call chillumchee, for
wash hand, with ablution all gentilmen have chillum-
chee."
The appendages of the toilet, by the way, and the
manner in which it is performed, in India, amongst
Europeans, differ so essentially from those of home,
that they excite considerable surprise in the new comer.
"Master, I think, will want mil'tary coat," said my
grand purveyor !
" Faith ! that's true," said I ; " and it reminds me
that I have some red cloth, furnished by Messrs. Welsh
and Stalker, for the express purpose."
"Ver well, Sar; then I bring dhirgee (tailor), make
up in room; same time, I bring small piece yellow-cloth
for facing ; also one ishilki sash, and regulation sword,
all complit."
" Bring a tailor ! " said I ; " what, do your tailors here
go out to work?"
" Yes, Sar ; this custom this contree ; not all same
Calcutta as Europe."
" So I perceive," I replied.
The tailor shortly after made his appearance, squatted
himself cross-legged in the apartment, and was soon
hard at work at my red jacket. He was a little old
fragile fellow, who sat and plied his needle, the only
instrument he seemed fitted to wield, with an air o/
apathetic quietude and resignation, which it seemed as ii
no conceivable movement of the outside world could foi
a moment disturb, and which, to one of my then mer-
curial temperament, was utterly astounding. This little
fractional portion of humanity, who was bent from age
or infirmity, took my measure with exceeding gentleness,
and I think I now see him with the few scanty hairs of
his grey moustache, and his thin horny nose, pinched by
a pair of spectacles secured by a thread pinned to the
front of his turban, as he moved silently about me, in
the calm exercise of this incipient act of his vocation.
Poor little old Kalipha! Long since, doubtless, hast
a
82 MEMOIRS OF A GKIFFIN.
thou closed the " even tenor of thy way ; " thy quiet,
inglorious, though useful occupation ; and added thy
handful of soda and potash to the ever-changing hosom
of old mother-earth !
After having established myself pretty comfortably in
the south barracks, I despatched my letters of introduc-
tion to the several parties to whom they were addressed;
amongst the number was one to General Capsicum. A
few were from weighty and influential persons at home,
and all had thumping big seals, and " favoured by Mr.
Cadet Gernon " written in the corners. I used to reckon
them up about once a week on ship-board, as a miser counts
his treasures ; speculating on their contents, and build-
ing chateaux en Espagne touching the pleasant results
which would, I imagined, doubtless follow their delivery.
This, thought I, constructing my airy fabric after the
manner of Alnaschar, and gazing complacently on my
cheval de bataille, my " great gun," furnished by a
certain member of the peerage, this will inevitably bring
an aide-de-camp, post-haste, to invite me to the Govern-
ment-house. T shall be placed on the staff, wear a
cocked hat and aiguilettes, carve the hams and turkeys,
laugh at the Govenor-general's jokes, carry the Governor-
general's lady's prayer-book live in clover, loved and
respected, the pet and confidential friend of the family :
a capital appointment will follow in due course ; wealth,
honour, will pour upon me ; and, to crown my felicity,
some high-born, damsel will eventually become Mrs.
Gernon ! Ye gods ! what a career of prosperity did I
picture, as I contemplated that massive letter with its
coronetted seal and crest (an ominous griffin) all proper.
Heigho ! Four dinners, three breakfasts, and a tiffin,
were all I gained by the whole batch of introductions ;
and as for the Governor-general, I grieve to say, that I
found him lamentably deficient in that penetration and
power of just appreciation of character for which I had
given him' credit.
I was sitting in my barrack-rooms next morning after
MEMOIRS OP A GKIFFIX. 83
breakfast, amusing myself by pitching bones and crusts
out of the window to a bevy of adjutant-birds below,
opening their jaws expectingly, or clattering their huge
beaks whilst contending for a bone, with the sound of
marrow-bones and cleavers, when the door opened, and,
to my agreeable surprise, in walked Captain Marpeet,
his face radiant with smiles. A cordial greeting followed
for, though coarse and illiterate for a man in his station,
Marpeet was a warm-hearted, blunt, and generous fellow,
and I had a sincere regard for him. Being an " old
hand," he assumed the Mentor towards Grundy and
me, to which office, as it was not often offensively obtru-
ded, I quietly submitted, with proper griffinish humility.
" Well ! " said he, looking up and down and round
about, " so here you are, all snug and tight, regularly
boxed up in this noisy hole ? "
" Any thing by way of exchange," I replied, " after
five months on ship-board ; but to tell you the truth, it
has its merits, and I rather like it on other grounds.
Here, you see, I am, with all my comforts about me,"
pointing rather ostentatiously to my two chairs, cot, and
camp-table, and to my brazen chillumchee, in radiant
brightness standing in the corner, " and from these, my
head- quarters, I mean to sally out ever and anon, to
mingle a little in the gay world of Calcutta, before I
start for the Upper Provinces."
"Well, said Marpeet, laughing; "I see, 'for a griff,'
that you have a pretty good notion of things in general,
and I don't care if I join you in a spree or two before I
leave. You griffs require an ' old hand' to look after you,
or you will be always doing some soft thing or another.
But have you been playing a knife and fork anywhere
yet ? been to any grand e feed ' since you arrived ? "
" Dinners and parties, eh ? No, not as yet ; but
there is abundance of time for that, for it was only yes-
terday that I fired off a grand salvo of letters, which
will doubtless, in due time, bring invitations ' as thick
as leaves on Vallombrosa."
G 2
84 MEMOIKS OF A GBIFFIN.
"Leaves on! pshaw! can't you say 'black-berries' at
once ? I wish, Gernon, you were not so confoundedly
poetical ; I hate poetry mortally ; it is griffinish ; give
me matters of fact, something I can understand. Dundas,
or a number of the Sporting Magazine, or the like."
" There's no help for it," said I ; " it's my nature, and
nature we may modify, but cannot radically change "
" Philosophizing ; that's worse still. But, joking
apart, don't be too sure of the invitations, or you may
reckon without your host. I'm an 'old hand' (Marpeet's
everlasting boast), and have seen a little of Calcutta in
my time, and I know, whatever the folks once were, they
are now becoming most infernally pucka (stingy), and
will soon, I verily believe, be as bad as they are in
England, where a leg o'mutton goes through the nine-
teen manoeuvres before it is dismissed, and a man thinks
he confers an everlasting obligation if he asks you to
dinner."
"Ha, ha, ha! you old splenetic Qui Hye" I ex-
claimed, "you are too hard on us ' Englishers ; ' you
don't consider the difierence of circumstances, and that,
where mouths are many and legs o'mutton few, we must
resort to expedients to square supply and demand."
" But," resumed the rough-spun captain, " now let me
fulfil the principal object of my visit, which is to con-
gratulate you."
" ."For what ? " I asked.
" What ? why are you so ignorant, so out of the
world, as not to know that you are promoted ? "
" Promoted !" exclaimed I ; " why Grinnerson said I
should be in luck if I got my commission in five years."
The captain put a Gazette into my hand, doubled it
up in a compact form, and, striking a particular portion
con spirito with his forefinger, " Bead that," said he.
I took it in a sort of ecstacy, caught a glimpse of my
own name. Yes there I was, actually in print : " Mr.
Gernon, appointed by the Honourable Court of Direc-
tors a cadet on this establishment, having reported his
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 85
arrival at Fort William, is admitted to the service accord-
ingly, and promoted to the rank of ensign."
" Yoics ! full ensign ! " shouted I, springing up, snap-
ping my fingers, and capering round the room arms
akimho, hip and toe, like a sailor dancing a hornpipe, to
the infinite astonishment of Marpeet, who thought I had
been bitten by a scorpion or snake.
" Hey ! hey ! what's the matter Gernon ? are you
mad, you Griff, are you mad ? "
" I am mad, old square-toes ; come along," said I,
hauling him out of his chair; ''come and rejoice with
me. Promoted already ! Yoics ! Tally-ho ! "
In the midst of our uproar and saraband, Grundy
entered, and gazed with open mouth, like one moon-
struck, at our mad dervish dance. His appearance,
however, calmed any ebullition, and pushing Marpeet
into his seat, I sunk into mine.
" What's the matter ? " said he.
"Why, I'm promoted, my honest young plough-
share," said I, " that's all ; we were footing a jig on the
strength of it. I dare say you will find your name there
too."
" Oh, yes," observed Marpeet; "the whole batch of
the last griffs are in the general orders. There," added
he, tossing the paper to Grundy, " you'll find yourself
there, farmer, at full length."
Grundy took the paper, and beheld his own melli-
fluous name ; but his pleasure manifested itself in a
different manner from mine ; he " grinned horribly a
ghastly smile."
"As you are so fond of dancing," said Marpeet,
" what say you to joining a hop to-morrow evening ? "
"With all my heart," said I; "always ready for a
' trip on the fantastic toe ; ' but who is your friend ? "
"Why," rejoined the captain, "I have a * provoke '
here from the mistress of the Kidderpore establishment
for the orphan daughters of officers (where, by the way,
I expect my young Mogulanee will figure some of these
86 MEMOIRS OF A GKIFFIN.
days), to attend a dance to-morrow; they have a ball
there once a fortnight (I believe), to show off the girls,
and give them an opportunity of getting spliced."
" That's a new feature of schools ; in England, if I
remember rightly, the efforts of the mistresses tend all
thetother way to keep the girls from getting married."
" That," said Marpeet," " would never do in India,
where wome'n are thinking of getting buried about the
age at which they talk of being married in lat. 50 N.
Yes, this is the place for the man who wants a wife, and
wishes to be met half-way, detesting, like me, the toil
of wooing. There he can go, and if he sees a girl he
likes, good fore-hand, clean about the fetlock-joints,
free in her paces, sound and quiet, and not too long in
the tooth, if not bespoke, he'll not find much difficulty
in getting her. But if you and Grundy will go, I'll
get you smuggled in somehow or other, and will call for
you in proper time to-morrow."
" Thank you," said I ; " never fear for me, for I'm
all anxiety to see these young ladies of the equestrian
order, whom you so pleasantly describe. Besides, old
Stultz, here in the corner, has just finished niy red coat,
and I am all anxiety to sport it for the first time."
" Well, good-bye, lads," said the captain ; " I'm off
to Tulloh's auction, to see if I can't pick up a cheap
buggy, and a few other things I want."
So saying, he disappeared, leaving Grundy and me to
ruminate on the foregoing matters.
" Grundy," said I, after a pause, " you must really get a
red coat, sword, and sash, and make yourself look like a
Christian, if you go to this ball to-morrow night ; excuse
my giving you a hint."
"I'm afraid there's not time for it," said Grundy,
" and I have nothing of the sort as yet."
"Well, leave it to me; Chattermohun is a sharp
fellow, at a pinch ; and I'll engage, with his assistance,
to rig you out for the evening."
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 87
CHAPTER IX.
CAPTAIN MARPEET made his appearance at the hour
appointed on the following evening, and off we started
for the Kidderpore school, which, by the way, is, or was,
a rather large and imposing structure, at some distance
from Calcutta ; mussalchees, or link hoys, with hlazing
flambeaux, scampering a-head in good, tip-top style.
Having passed the bazaar, we turned sharply from the
main road, into a pretty extensive compound or domain,
and soon found ourselves before the portico of the
school, amongst buggies, palankeens, and other convey-
ances appertaining to visitors who had preceded us.
Leaving our palankeens, we entered the house, passed
through several rooms, one of them devoted to refresh-
ments, and partly filled with gay Lotharios, some few
military, the rest belonging to the orders " shippy " and
" cranny,"* and finally entered the ball-room. This we
found thronged with dancers, in a blaze of light, and
resounding to the merry notes of a band, which, though
not exactly equal to Weippert's, seemed, nevertheless,
as a locomotive stimulus, to be quite as effective. The
country-dance then flourished in its green old age, and the
couples at the Kidderpore hop were flying about in great
style poussette, hands across, down the middle, and
back again evincing, in spite of the temperature, all
that laudable perseverance so essential to the accomplish-
ment of such laborious undertakings.
Marpeet, at my particular request, and to keep us in
countenance, wore his uniform, though he had previously
declared (considering the season) that it was a most
griffinish proceeding to sport broadcloth, and decidedly
against his conscience. " You griffs, however," said he
* Crannies Portuguese and country-born clerks in offices, and fillers
of subordinate Government employments, &c.
88 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
" will have your way, and we must humour you some-
times." As for myself, in my scarlet raggie, brimstone
facings, "black waist-belt, and regulation sword, in my
own opinion I looked quite the god of war, and was
fully armed for execution.
What an era in the life of a soldier is his first appear-
ance in regimentals, " his blushing honours thick about
him ! " how he then pants for love and glory ; the tented
field and the clash of arms ! At forty or fifty, possibly, if
of a thoughtful vein, his sword converted to a hoe or
pen, a mighty change comes o'er him, and he thinks,
perhaps, that he might have done better had he stuck to
a black or a blue one. Sometimes, it is true, when
warmed with a flicker of his youthful fire, like Job's
war-horse, he loves to " snuff the battle from afar," and
" saith to the trumpets, ' ha ! ha ! ' ' But, mainly, war
delights him no more, for he sees the wide-spread evils
which lurk under its exciting pomp and meretricious
glitter, and his heart and mind yearn towards those
more ennobling pursuits and occupations, which tend to
elevate his species, to give to the intellectual and moral
their due ascendency, and which speak of "peace and
good-will to man.''
The dancers being in motion, we did not advance, but
contented ourselves with occupying a position by the
door, and leisurely surveying the scene. At one end of
the apartment, on chairs and benches, sat certain elderly
matrons, amongst whom were the superiors of the estab-
lishment, looking complacently at the young folks, and
calculating in all probability the amount of execution
likely to result from the evening's amusements.
The young ladies, however, whose sylph-like forms
were gliding through the mazes of the dance, were the
" orient pearls at random strung," which principally
attracted my attention. As the flush of a summer's
noon fades by insensible degrees into the ebon shades of
night, so did the complexions of these charming damsels
graduate from white to black. Youth, however, smiling,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 89
"buxom youth, like the mantle of charity, covers a
multitude of defects, or, if I may help myself to another
and apter simile, possesses an alchymic power, which
converts all it touches to gold. There were eyes, teeth,
sportive ringlets, and graceful forms enough, in the
Kidderpore ball-room, stamped with all its freshness, to
atone for the darker shadings of the picture.
For the first time, indeed, though previously imbued
with the common and illiberal European prejudice against
black, I began to experience a wavering, and to think
that dark languishing eyes and a dash of bronze imparted
what is often wanted in English beauties, somewhat of
soul and character to the countenance. Music, lights,
the excitement of the ball-room, are, however, it must be
confessed, sad deceivers, producing illusions full oft,
which painfully vanish with the morning's light. For
young ladies of thirty or thereabouts (an age, though
now-a-days, I am credibly informed, never attained by
spinsters), the ball-room and its factitious glare have some
decided advantages. By day, Cupid, the sly urchin, can
only make his attacks from smiles and dimples ; but by
night, at a pinch, he may launch a shaft with effect even
from a wrinkle.
The dance at length ceased; beaux bowed, ladies
courtesied, and the throng broke into couples, and pro-
menaded the apartment. Exhausted belles sunk into
seats, whilst attentive youths fanned and persiflaged,
laughed at nothing, and studied " the agreeable." Such
was the posture of affairs, when the head of the estab-
lishment, a lady of about five-and-forty, of pleasing
appearance and address, seeing we were strangers, ap-
proached, and kindly bade us welcome. There was an
amiability, and at the same time a firmness and decision
in her manner, a happy admixture of the suaviter and
fortiter, which showed that she was peculiarly well
qualified for the arduous task she had to perform of
presiding over this establishment a sort of nunnery
travestied, in which perpetual celibacy formed no part of
90 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
the vows, and the vigils differed widely from those which
"pale- eyed virgins keep " in the gloomy seclusion of the
convent.
"Would you like to dance, sir?" said the lady,
addressing herself to Captain Marpeet.
" No, I thank you, ma'am," said my blunt companion ;
tf I am a little too stiff in the joints, and my dancing
days are all over."
The fact was, that Marpeet had passed five consecutive
years of his life in the jungles, where, as it frequently
happens in India, he had acquired what, for want of a
better term, I will call a gynopholia t or woman -horror,
which the occasional appearance of a spinster in those
deserts wild rather tended to confirm than allay. A short
residence in England had, it is true, in some degree,
moderated this dread of the respectable portion of the
softer sex ; but still much of it remained, and he shunned
with morbid aversion all situations imposing the painful
necessity of whispering soft nothings and " doing the
agreeable " with the ladies. The good dame of the
school smiled expressively on receiving Captain Marpeet's
answer ; it was a smile which said, as plain as smile
could speak, " You are an odd fish, I see, and one on
whom pressing would be quite thrown away/ 5
" Perhaps," said she, turning to me, " you will allow
me to introduce you to a partner, and if so, I shall have
great pleasure in presenting you to one of our young
ladies ? "
I had none of Marpeet's scruples, expressed my acknow-
ledgments, accepted her offer, and was led full clank
across the ball-room, and presented in due form to Miss
Rosa Mussaleh, as an aspirant for her fair hand in the
ensuing dance. Miss Kosa Mussaleh was a fine bounc-
ing girl of eighteen, still in high blow from the effects of
her recent exertions. Form unexceptionable : com-
plexion rather tending to a delicate saffron, be-speaking
plainly her Asiatic maternity.
" If not engaged, Miss Rosa," said the school-mistress,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIX. 91
presenting me, " Ensign Gernon" (I had previously
communicated my name and rank, though there was not
much danger of mistaking me for a major-general) "will
be happy to dance with you."
" I shall he ver happie ; I am not engaged," said Miss
Rosa, in a singular variety of the Anglo-Saxon tongue
called the Cheechee language (Hindustanee idiom
Englished), then new to me a dialect which constitutes
a distinguishing mark of those horn and bred in India,
and the leading peculiarity of which consists in laying a
false emphasis, particularly on such small words as to,
me, and, &c. The lady of the establishment having
performed her devoir, as mistress of the ceremonies,
made a courteous inclination, and withdrew, leaving us
to ourselves.
As a rather precocious juvenile, I had danced with some
of the fair and well-born damsels of my own land at
Bath, Clifton, and elsewhere, and was, therefore, not to
be daunted with the mahogany charms of Miss R. M. ;
so, sans ctremonie, I dashed into conversation.
:< You have a great many charming young ladies here,"
said I.
" Oh, yes/' said my partner, " great manie ; but they
are not all here; the little girls are gone to bed. Do
you then admire our young ladie ? "
This was rather a pointed question ; but I replied with-
out hesitation, "Oh, excessively; there appear to be
some lovely creatures amongst them, and (giving a flourish)
with charms enough to move the soul of an anchorite/'
" Oh," said Miss Rosa, with a smile and downward
look, wishing to be complimentary, " I think dey are
more fond of the military."
I was on the point of emitting that expressive note of
astonishment whew ! but checked myself.
" I think/ 5 said I, "you rather mistook me, though I
can hardly regret that which has been the cause of so
flattering an admission, but I alluded to an ascetic."
" Asiatic ! " said the young lady, with some hauteur,
92 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
and a toss of the head, " no native come to these ball, I
assure you."
I could not suppress an emphatic " humph ! "
The fiddles now "began again ; I presented my arm,
divested myself, though with reluctance, of my trusty
Solingen blade, and took my place in the set. A tre-
mendous long set it was, and after slaving for half an
hour, I found myself at the head of it. Grundy, with a
face like that of the Marquess of Granby on a sign-post,
standing next to me, and streaming like the apotheosis of
a river god.
" Well, how do you get on, Grundy ? " said I.
" Oh, it's cruel hot work," said he, with a sigh, which
was perfectly heart-rending.
ts Hot, indeed," I rejoined, giving sigh for sigh ; " they
don't catch me dancing again in a red coat"
If working up the dance was fatiguing, the going down
it was still more so. My partner, a practised hand,
skipped about without the smallest signs of fatigue,
whilst I, reeking from every pore, was dragged up and
down and whirled round and about till my head spun,
and I thought I should have verily gone into a fit, or
sunk from sheer exhaustion on the floor. I did, how-
ever, contrive to hold out till we finished the dance, five-
and-twenty couples at least, when, with a staggering
bow, I tendered my arm and led my partner to her seat.
" Are you fond of dancing ? " said she, with the coolest
assurance.
" A little of it," said I, with a sigh, " when in practice,
the set not too long, and the weather not too hot."
A gentleman, chained, ringed, and be-broached, stout
and bronzed, now came up, and engaged my partner for
the next dance, chatted for some time with the air of an
old acquaintance, gave a "bye-bye" sort of a nod, and
passed on.
" Do you know Captain Trinkum ? "
" No," said I ; " what does he belong to ? "
" To the Rustomiee Bomanjee" said she.
MEMOIRS OF A. GRIFFIN. 93
"The Eustomjee Bomanjee," I rejoined ; " pray what
regiment is that ? some irregular corps, I suppose."
This remark of mine set her off in a violent fit of
laughter, of which (rather confused) I begged to know
the cause.
" It's a country ship," screamed she, " not a regiment."
Going off again at a tangent, " Oh, now I see you are a
griffin."
Thus she balanced the anchorite account, and turned
the tables. I can't say I was sorry when he of the Bus-
totnjee Bomanjee came smirking up, and relieved me
from the raillery of Miss Kosa, who, though herself
guilty of corrupting the king's English, was an arrant
quiz, and not disposed to spare my griffinish blunders.
Marpeet now joined me, and after a little banter touch-
ing the style in which Miss Kosa had trotted me about,
proposed an adjournment to the refreshment-room. To
this I joyfully acceded, suggesting that it would be a
charity to take poor Grundy with us, if his dissolution
had not already taken place.
" Come, Grundy," said Marpeet ; " come along with
us ; we're going to victual and refit, and would recom-
mend the same to you, for you seem in need of it."
Grundy assented with pleasure, and, linked arm-in-arm
we entered the refreshment-room.
Here was a scene of considerable bustle ; some were
preparing acidulous compounds for the ladies in the ball-
room; others doing the like for themselves. As we
entered, a staid and exemplary young man, with his cargo
of negus and cake, balancing the same with the nicety of
a juggler, was making his way out, when in banged a six-
foot ensign to do the bidding of his fair inamorata, and
charged with her fan and gloves, and going full butt
against the exemplary beau, upset both negus and cake.
The ensign, a flighty fellow in every respect, made a
hasty apology, and off, leaving the beau to wipe his
waistcoat and repair the damages as best he might.
Knots of young fellows were there, laughing, eating sand-
94 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
wiches or brewing negus, lounging, and clanking their
swords. Native servants belonging to the visitors or the
establishment were bustling about, and making themselves
useful ; whilst here and there, in a corner, and availing
herself of the solitude of a crowd, a young lady might
be seen, her back against the wall, listlessly sipping her
negus, or balancing a spoon over a jelly-glass, and listen-
ing, with downward look and in mute entrancement,
to some handsome militaire, whilst he was pouring into
her attentive ear the " leprous distilment" of honied words.
Recruited and refreshed, we returned to the ball-room,
and in spite of my recent resolution, I again joined the
dance, which was kept up till a late hour, when my friends
and I returned to my room in the fort, where, fairly done
up, I betook myself to rest, the fiddles still sounding in my
head, to dream of Miss Rosa, and all I had seen and
heard ; and so terminated my first ball in the East.
The Kidderpore hops, I hear, are now no more ; from
which I conclude that some other matrimonial plan has
been devised for disposing of the young ladies, more in
consonance with the refined delicacy of the age, which,
though recognizing the necessity of matrimony, seems to
discountenance any expedient which smacks of the slave-
market.
On the following evening, Captain Marpeet, according
to engagement, called in a hired buggy, to take me a drive
on the Course. The Course, as is well known, is the
grand resort of the beau monde of Calcutta, which,
like a colony of owls or bats from a ruin, emerge at sun-
down from all parts of that extensive city, to see and to
be seen, and to enjoy the coolness of the evening breeze.
Seated in his gig, Marpeet drew up before the barrack
in all his glory, handling the ribbons with the peculiar
and finished grace of a man who had made it his study.
Great, indeed, were his pretensions in that way, and I am
confident he would rather have been the leader of the
four-in-hand club, than have written the Principia of
Newton.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 95
In I jumped; Marpeet cracked his whip to mettle up
his ticca* tit an animal deficient in flesh and blood,
certainly, hut exhibiting an amazing deal of hone. Away
we went. The evening gun had just boomed ; the myriad
crows of the Fort cawed querulously responsive from the
trees ; the bugles sounded ; the drums beat ; the guards
at the gates, European and native, were turned out; cap-
tains and lieutenants, flushed with tiffin or a nap, swords
under their arms, sauntered along to join them. The fire-
fly here and there twinkled in the trees, and the far-off
yell of the jackall proclaimed the approach of night, when
away we whirled through covered ways and over thunder-
ing drawbridges, past scarp, counter-scarp, and glacis, and
in a few minutes found ourselves amidst the throng of
carriages and equestrians on the Course, the mass of the
Government-house, with its capacious dome and lion-
crowned gates, rising in front, and the vast semicircle of
Chowringhee, with its aggregation of snow-white struc-
tures, stretching away far to the right.
What a singular scene here presented itself to my ad-
miring sight ! What an admixture of nations, and their
several modes and peculiarities of English turn outs and
Indian piebald imitations with strange equipages, com-
bining European finish with the native original ! Car-
riages and equestrians, walking, trotting, or galloping,
passing and repassing !
This is the Hyde Park of the East, where, though less
of splendour than in its great prototype, there was far
more variety to be seen. There came the Governor-
General, the viceroy of British India, open barouche and
four (all dignity and gracious bows) ; cocked hats and
feathers flying ; black body-guard before and behind, in
a long trot ; sabres flashing, and scabbards rattling.
Near, byway of antithesis, might be seen a palankeen car-
riage " creepy crawley," drawn by two enormous bullocks,
with monstrous dewlaps, bearing some fat old Portuguese
lady, black as Erebus or Nox, to take the air, driver working
* Ticca, i.e. hired.
96 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
hard to rouse them to a transient hobble. There, four
or five abreast, rode sundry dashing young officers, dis-
playing themselves and their uniforms to the best advan-
tage, " pride in their port, defiance in their eyes ; " whilst
near, in some open landau or barouche, the " cynosure
of neighbouring eyes," would appear the newly-arrived
beauty, the belle of the season, her English roses con-
trasting with the reigning pallor around, wearing a look
of conscious power, and exhibiting herself to the ad-
miring gaze of the gossiping world. Happy creature !
all is couleur de rose with you ! No thoughts of the
future disturb the self-satisfied emotions of thy exulting
bosom ! And who is he beside her the handsome young
aide-de-camp ? With easy bend he leans gracefully to-
wards the carriage, and checks his fiery Arab. Mark
how he rattles, and says his agreeable things, with all
the airs of a conscious " eligible," whilst the gratified
vanity of the woman sparkles in her eyes and glows in
her animated countenance. Here comes an intruder,
bound for a distant bazaar jingle, jingle, jingle ! What
a contrast ! a native ruth or bylie, bullocks in a long
trot, a pretty black damsel,
With rings on her fingers,
And bells on, her toes
she of childhood's song to a nicety peeping from be-
hind the blinds. l< Ah ! turn not away those sweet
eyes ! " Egad, she's off driver twisting the tails and
goading the quarters of his cattle to " keep up the
steam." There whirl past in tilbury or tandem a brace
of recently- arrived writers, regular Meltonians, doing the
thing secundum artem, and determined to astonish the
crowd. How knowingly, his person obliqued- quarter
front, does the driver sit ! With what gentlemanly aban-
don does the drivee loll back in the vehicle ! These are
high-spirited fellows, who drink their claret, and have
never known a care, and ft d n every thing that is
low ! "
MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN. 97
See, with andante movement now advances the pon-
derous chariot of the great Baboo Maha Raja Spooney
Persaud Mullik, the great milch- cow of the lawyers, and
who gives his lac at a time from the genuine impulses of
a native benevolence; turbaned coachman; Baboo
within, wrapped in cashmeres, fat, yellow, and bolt up-
right as the effigy on a tombstone.
Halloo, there ! what's this ? A race clear the way !
There they come, hired for the evening, " two blind uns
and a bolter;" heads down, ears viciously inclined.
" Go it, my middies ! " Look at the reefer in advance
all aback, toes in his horse's nose, head on the crupper,
tugging for bare life to make his craft steer or wear. I
thought so snap go the tiller-ropes a man overboard
the blue-jacket rolls in the dust : he's up again, hat
rammed over his eyes but the bolter's off catch him
who can !
There goes, at a gee-up hobble, a shan dry-dan, with
two Armenians in it highly respectable men, with queer
velvet caps, and very episcopal-looking aprons strange
mixture of European and Asiatic, neither flesh nor fowl
Topee Wala or Puckree Bund.* They nod to two
gentlemen passing in a gig, of the gimcrack order
gentlemen in white jackets and ditto hats ; highly po-
lished men, i.e. in the face, which seems, indeed, to have
had the benefit of a bottle of Day and Martin's real
japan blacking who are they ? Valiant Lusitanians,
illustrious descendants of Albuquerque and Vasco de
Gama Messrs. Joachim de Eeberero and Gomez de
Souza, writers in the office of the salt and opium depart-
ment. Who is this in cords, top-boots, and white jacket
a dapper, well-fed little man, on a tall English horse,
to which he bears about the same relative proportions
that FalstafFs bread did to his sherris sack ? Ay, who ?
* Honest Sancho Panza divides the world into two grand classes the
have -somethings and the have-nothings. Blacky, by an equally com-
prehensive arrangement, includes all mankind under the heads of Topee
Wala and Puckree Bund, or hat-men and turban-wearers.
H
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
Come, tell it, and turn y<
He is can he help it ? a special attorney
an attache of the Supreme Court.
Such, then, is the Course of Calcutta ; and such a
little melodramatic sketch may give some idea of the
varied objects which there meet the eye.
We drove up and down several times, and recognized
not a few of our ship companions ; amongst others, the
little colonel, in a barouche with some ladies, whom he
was evidently entertaining with a "yarn.'' Darkness
now came on apace. The mussalchees, or link-boys,
with their flaring mussauls, met their masters at turns of
the roads, to light them to their several homes, and we
thought it time to depart. Marpeet drove to his quarters,
where he invited me to pass the evening, to which I
assented. Sitting over our wine, Marpeet discussed the
Course, and gave me a few bits of scandal, touching
sundry ladies and gentlemen we had seen, over which I
yawned, for I have ever abominated what are called
private histories.
" Well," said Marpeet, " I think I shall start for the
Upper Provinces, and leave you sooner than I thought.
The lads there in the old corps are very anxious to have
me amongst them once more. I have a letter to-day
from Tippleton an old friend of mine, who is a real
good fellow, with no nonsense about him (I hope to bring
you acquainted some day) urging my going up without
delay. Let me see," said he, feeling his pocket, " I
think I have it somewhere about me. Oh, yes, here it
is, and you may read it, if you like. He is rather fond,
you will perceive, of the Hindoostanee zuban, and so
forth, but he does not set up for a great scribe, but is
what is better, a devilish honest fellow. Come governor,
toss off your heel-taps, and take some more wine."
Every language has, probably, terms which, from
their superior terseness or euphony, express more fully
the meanings they are intended to convey than corres-
ponding words in another tongue; and this certainly
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 99
justifies their adoption. But there is also a practice of
using foreign phrases indiscriminately, when the native
ones would do quite as well. Shortly after the last peace,
novel-writers could express nothing with point and effect
but in French and Italian ; so in India there are a class
of men, generally small wits, who interlard their conver-
sation with Hindoostanee words and phrases ; these they
often sport in England, where of course they are unin-
telligible and out of place. Ye guardian genii ! who
watch over the " well of English undefiled," whilst you
admit what will purify and sweeten, prevent its unhallowed
pollution from garbage thrown into it by every idle and
thoughtless hand ! And now for Captain Tippleton's
letter, which though rather more fully charged with
Hindoostanee terms than any the writer ever met with,
yet presents some likeness of a certain species of Indian
epistolary style (of the slip-slop and slang-wanging
order) :
Grillumabad, Aug. 18 '
MY DEAR MARPEET,
Just now taking a dekh (look) at the Calcutta Khu I ber
(News), I saw your name amongst those of a batch of
griffs and Tazu wulaits (fresh Europeans), having
arrived by the Eotte?ileam Castle. Welcome back, ray
dear fellow, to John Kumpany ka raj. I hope you will
cut Calcutta, and lose no time in puhonchowing (convey-
ing) yourself up by dawk to join the old pultun (bat-
talion), in which, I am sorry to say, things have been
quite oolta poolta (topsy-turvy) since you left us. Tims
has quitted the corps, as you probably know. He was a
d d puckha (stingy) hand, and a muggra (sulky)
beast into the bargain. However, I don't think we have
gained much by his bud lee (successor), our new kumma-
dan (commandant) a regular lahadur (great person),
who dicks our lives out with kudduni ootou (drill),
dumcows (bullies) the native officers, ^.^gallees (abuses)
the Jacks (sepoys). Tomkinsand I still chum together;
he, as gureeb and soost (quiet and lazy) as ever, and as
H 2
100 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
fond of the brandy-pawney, sends his bhote bhote
salaam to Marpeet Sahib. Station dull no tumasha
(fun), as in the old times, when we were first here. The
other day, however, old Dickdar, our brigadier, gave a
burra khanna (dinner) ; his loll (claret) was bang-up
and you may be sure we did not spare the simpkin
(champagne) ; burra beebee (great lady) very gracious,
and a great show-off of the bal butchos (children). We
had the old bajja (band), your creation and hobby, in
attendance, and got up a nautch. Smirks, our adjutant,
quite a burra admee (great man) since he mounted the
Jcantas (spurs), bucking up to and devilish sweet on the
spinster; but it won't hoga (do); nothing under the
revenue or judicial department will go down there
Samjah Sahib ? You understand me. Tip us a chit,
my dear fellow, by return of dawk, and believe me,
My dear Marpeet, ever yours very truly,
JONAS TIPPLETON.
" Well," said I, " as far as I can understand, it seems
a very friendly sort of a letter ; but I should be better
able to judge if you would give me the English of it."
Marpeet laughed, called me a critical dog, and put the
letter in his pocket.
" Come," added I, " since you have shown me your
letter, I will read you mine ; one I have received from
my factotum, Chattermohun Ghose, accounting for his
temporary absence, which, for the choiceness of its
language, is quite a bijou in its way. Chattermohun
tells me he was for some time a writer in an adjutant's
office, as also in a merchant's counting-house here in
Calcutta, which doubtless accounts for the phraseology
smacking not a little of the technical language of both
those schools. Here it is :
" ' MOST RESPECTFUL AND HONOURED SlR,
" ' Greatly labouring for fearful apprehension that
sudden non-appearance should dictate condemnation
MEMOIBS OF A OBZBV&* 101
from the sensible benignity of your excellency's rever-
ence, and feeling in concatenation that explanation was
indispensable, I have herewith the honour to inform you,
that one of my family (now consisting of six childrens
effective of various denominations) was recently solemn-
ized in holy matrimony and adoptedly conducted accord-
ing to prescribed rite and custom of native religion.
This solemnization was carried into production my house
in country by Boitacoolah T'hannah, wither in my
patriarchal duty have repair for a few day.
" ' According to last order of your reverence, have
instruct to Gopee Nauth, of China Bazaar, to disperse
to your quarter goods as per margin,* for which he
expect the favour of early remittance. I have also
passed to credit of master account 16 rupees 8 annas,
leaving balance my favour 256 rupees 5 annas 3 pice,
as per account enclosed. Trusting from this statement
of explanation your honour not think me absent without
leave, I have honour to be, with deep respect and con-
sideration,
" ' Your most obedient humble servant,
" ' CHATTERMOHUN GHOSE, Sircar.
" ' To his Exc. Ensign Gernon, South Bks.' "
" Well," said Marpeet, " that beats cock-fighting."
CHAPTEK X.
Two great sources of attraction to young men existed in
Calcutta at the time of which I am now writing (up-
wards of twenty-five years ago), and do still exist, for
anything I know to the contrary, Tulloh's and other
auction-rooms, and the China bazaar. At the former
almost daily sales took place of every kind of property
from a ship to a penknife, a rabbit to an elephant ; in
* 6 bottles real Cognac, 1 pine cheese, 2 pot raspberry jam, 2 bag of
shot.
MEMOIRS OF A GEIFFIN.
the latter, all the heterogeneous commodities of an Ameri-
can store were to be seen mingled pell-mell raspberry
jam, Milroy's saddles, best pickles, regulation- swords,
wall-shades, China dishes, hog-spears, Harvey's sauce,
&c. of which, however, more anon. Catalogues of the
various articles to be disposed of at the day's sale at Tulloh's
are (or were) left daily at the houses in or near Calcutta,
and made their appearance regularly with the newspapers
at the break-table, tempting to extravagance, by stimu-
lating latent desires or creating fictitious wants.
In our commercial country and its dependencies, where
Plutus is the deity chiefly adored, it seems proper and
strictly in character that the pulpits connected with his
worship, however remotely, should be ably and efficiently
filled. Here, in England, we know this to be generally
the case, and what lustre the eloquence of some of our
leading auctioneers has shed on the profession ; how
truly, indeed, more than one of them merit the praise
which Johnson, happily quoting from Horace, bestowed
on the genius of Goldsmith : " Nihil quod tetigit non
ornavit"
There was no lack of this shining talent, oratorical
power, and technical tact, amongst the auctioneers of
Calcutta, seasoned with humour, pathos, or persuasion,
according to the occasion. How often have I heard the
merits of a venerable steed proclaimed ; his infirmities
and defects (with a delicate regard to his presence)
lightly touched upon, or at most so disposed, like the
shades in a picture, as to heighten and improve the
general effect ! How frequently have I been pleasantly
reminded of the good old maxim " de mortuis nil nisi
bonum," when listening to the commendations of a batch
of dead and ullaged beer ! And how often tempted to
make an investment in a cheap " gross of green spec-
tacles," " a lot of damaged huckaback," or the like, from
a strong impression, fostered by the auctioneer's persua-
sive eloquence, " that they might some day come into
use," a contingent probability largely insisted upon !
MEMOIBS OF A GRIFFIN. 103
What a Herculean task it is to conjure money out of
some people's pockets ! Consummate tact is requisite to
effect this end. What a world of machinery must he
put in motion hefore the movable crank, the owner's
hand, finds its way into that pecuniary receptacle ! A
bungler may fumble for a month and not find the motive
spring, whilst an adept will touch it in a moment. Yes,
I see no reason on earth why the auctioneer's should not
rank with the liberal professions. Does not the craft
combine, in an eminent degree, many of the leading
features of those professions, which (always considering
the predominant turn of the national mind) unaccount-
ably rank higher in public estimation the special plead-
ing of the lawyer, the eloquence of the senator, and the
business-like airs of the merchant ? Does not the
auctioneer, like another Charles Martel ay, and with
the same weapon, too knock down his lots with as
much effect as the soldier does his ? Does he not pro-
nounce orations over the dead, as has been already
shown, and display a beautiful morality in covering, as
with the mantle of charity, a multitude of defects ? Is
not his " going, going, gone," too, a brief and pithy
sermon, touchingly calculated to remind us of our
common mortality ?
And in all these, are not the functions of a higher
pulpit strikingly exercised ? Ought he not to be a poet,
painter, critic in short, a man of taste and general
information, or how is he to descant with effect on the
merits of his multifarious wares ? Should he not be a
phrenologist, that he may suit his arguments to the
several developments of his bidders; a physiognomist,
that he may judge of the effect by the unerring index
of the countenance, whether rallying, bantering, bully-
ing, or wheedling, is the cue ; and a casuist, that he
may reconcile his mind to the various tricks of the trade ?
and, finally, should he not have a deep insight into
human nature in general, and know well its various
assailable points ? " Shall I say, 1,000 rupees for you,
104 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
sir, for that Arab ? no animal can look better, well
mounted, I assure you ; he will suit your weight and
figure to a ni.cety was ridden by the Hon. Cape.
Dangle, just gone home, a gentleman very much of
your appearance, sir, and who lately, to borrow the
language of our immortal bard, was wont on our course
here ' to witch the world with noble horsemanship,' upon
that very Arab. Sir shall I take your bid ? " A
complaisant nod the business is done. " Thank
you, sir 1,000 rupees for the Arab going, going,
gone ! "
One morning, Grundy and I breakfasted together in
my room, which was within a few doors of his own, when
one of the aforementioned catalogues found its way into
our possession.
" Grundy/' said I, " whilst I despatch this fish and
rice, as you appear to have done, do just read what there
is for sale to-day at the auction. I have a feeling that I
want something, though, hang me if I can exactly tell
what it is."
Grundy commenced, and read as follows: "Lot 1st.
Three fine alderney cows."
" Deuce take the cows," said I ; " push on."
" Three calves belonging to ditto."
" Fire away."
" Three Cape sheep, of the Doombah breed."
" Doombah breed ! that sounds well ; egad, I think I
must have a bid for the sheep what comes next ? "
" A noble French mastiff, two bull- dogs, two wire-
haired Scotch terriers, and a greyhound bitch with pup,
just imported by the Founderwell."
" That's the ticket," I exclaimed, with eagerness ; " I'll
have some of the dogs, if they go reasonably that's a
settled point for there's rare hunting to be had, I hear,
on the way up."
Grundy ran down several columns more of live and
dead stock ; and there were many things, without which
I found I could not comfortably exist for twenty-four
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 105
hours longer, though, I must confess, I had not thought
of them before.
" By-the-bye," drawled Grundy, " talking of dogs,
there was a black fellow at my door just now with one
for sale."
" Was there ? " I eagerly asked ; " what sort of an
animal, and what did the fellow want for it ? "
" Why," said my friend, " I think it was a sort of a
terrier ; but if you choose, I'll get my servant to call the
man ; he can't be very far off."
"Do," said I, "send for him."
In a few moments, the arrival of the dog and man was
duly announced, and both were admitted to my apart-
ment. The vendor was one of those black, dirty, low-
caste natives, generally attached to European corps, and
denominated " cook-boys." Dress a soldier's old cast-
off coat, a dirty cloth round his loins, and a skull-cap
on his head. As for the dog, he is not, perhaps, so easily
described ; he was reddish, stood high on the legs, and
had a wild look ; his tail and ears, however, were clipped
in a very varment sort of manner, evincing decided sci-
ence in the operator ; and his owner assured me, in
broken English, that he was " berry high caste dog," a
thoroughbred terrier ; his name Teazer, and a capital fel-
low to worry a cat or a jackal.
The creature did not certainly look altogether like the
terriers I had been in the habit of seeing in England ;
but still, the state of the ears and tail, the name, and
above all, the qualifications, were strong prima facie
proofs that he was one. As for the points of difference,
they might, I thought, have resulted from the influence
of climate, which, as it alters the appearance of the
European biped very considerably, might, I very logi-
cally inferred, have a similar effect on the quadrupeds
imported, or their descendants, in the first or second
generation at least. In short, I bought him for Es. 10,
and a great bargain I thought I had ; tied him up to the
leg of my cot, intending that he should form the nucleus
106 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
of a future pack. I was, however, destined very shortly
after to he put a good deal out of conceit of him.
A few days after I had made my purchase, Captain
Marpeet dropped in, and took a seat on my cot as he was
wont. Hearing the rattling of a chain underneath, he
said,
" What the deuce have you got here, Gernon ? "
" A dog," said I ; " a terrier I lately bought."
" A terrier ! eh ? Let's have a look at him."
Teazer, on being summoned, came out from under the
bed, gave himself a shake, and, on seeing Marpeet, who
was strange to him, and rather an odd-looking fellow to
boot, incontinently cocked up his nose and emitted a
most lugubrious howl, one with which the Pariars* inlndia
are wont to serenade " our chaste mistress, the moon."
" Halloo," said Marpeet, with a look of surprise,
"where on earth did you get this beast ? Why, he's a
regular terrier bunnow."-^
" A terrier l)unnow" said I, " what's that ? "
" Why," rejoined the captain, "he's a thorough Pariar
docked and cropped to make him look like a terrier ; it's
a common trick played upon griffs, and you've been taken
in, that's all. What did you give for him ? "
" Why, ten rupees," I replied ; " and I thought I had
him remarkably cheap.''
" Cheap ! " said the captain, with infinite contempt ;
" he's not worth five pice ; kick him out ! hang him ! "
" Thank you," said I ; " but as I've bought him, I'll
keep him ; he'll help to make up a pack, and I don't see
why he should not act up to his assumed character, and
hunt very well ; you see he knows how to give tongue,
at all events."
" Ha ! ha ! " said Marpeet ; " come, that's not so
bad; but he's a brute, upon my life a useless brute,
kick him to the d 1."
"No,'' I rejoined, a little nettled to hear my dog
* Village-curs, appertaining to no one in particular.
j- A "made-up" terrier.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 107
abused after that fashion ; " I tell you I'll keep him ;
besides, I have no acquaintance in the quarter you men-
tion, and should be sorry to send him where he would
be likely to annoy you again."
Here were symptoms of downright insubordination.
The captain stared at me in astonishment, and emitted a
long and elaborate " whew ! "
" Ton my honour, regular disrespect to your superior
officer. Well, after that, I must have a glass of brandy-
pawny."
" So you shall," said I, " with all my heart ; but you
really were a little too hard, and forgot the saying, * Love
me, love my dog.' "
To return, however, from this little episode. Grundy
and I, in pursuance of our determination to visit the
auction, got into our palankeens, and soon found our-
selves amidst the dust, noise, and motion of Tank
Square, near which the auction, or outcry (as it is more
usually termed in India) is held. A long covered place,
something like a repository, filled with palankeens, car-
riages, horses, &c., for sale, had to be passed through
before we reached the auction-room, where goods of all
kinds were disposed of. This we found crammed with
natives, low Europeans, black Portuguese, and others of
the motley population of Calcutta, mingled with a few
civilians, and a " pretty considerable " sprinkling of red-
coats from Barrackpore or the fort, all more or less in-
tent upon the bidding.
The auctioneer, a good-looking man and remarkably
fluent, was mounted on his rostrum, and holding forth
upon the merits of certain goods, which a native assis-
tant, on a platform a little lower than the pulpit, was
handing round for inspection. Grundy and I forced our
way in, watching anxiously to see if any thing "in our
way" was exhibiting. At last, the auctioneer took up a
goodly-sized knife, with some dozen blades, &c. These
he opened daintily and deliberately, and then, holding
up the knife and turning it about, he said,
108 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
" Now here's a pretty thing a highly-finished article
a perfect multum in parvo. Don't all of you bid for
this at once, gentlemen, if you please. Here's a large
blade, you see, to cut bread and cheese with, a small one
to mend your pens, a corkscrew to open a bottle of
Hodgson's pale ale when you are out shooting, tweezers
to pull the thorns out of your toes, pincers, file, gimlet
all complete. A most useful article that, and (with
marked emphasis, and an eye towards Grundy and me,
which made us exchange looks significant of purchase),
one which no young sportsman should be without."
That was sufficient; I was determined to have it, and
after an eager bid or two, it was knocked down to me.
I found afterwards, however, to my extreme surprise and
dismay, I had unconsciously purchased a lot of three
dozen of them, enough to set up a cutler's stall in a small
way. There was no help for it, however ; I was obliged
to take them all, though I determined in future to study
well the catalogue before I ventured on a bid.
The dogs, I found, had attracted the particular notice
of more sportsmen than myself. A young ensign from
Barrackpore carried off the greyhound bitch for Ks. 200,
a little more than a month's pay. A writer in the build-
ings bought the French mastiff and the terrier, which
went high, and I was obliged to content myself with one
of the bull-dogs, a sinister-looking old fellow, with one
eye, who went cheap, and would have been cheaper still,
had not Grundy, whom I requested to secure it, bidden
silently against me in the crowd several times before I had
providentially discovered my opponent. Poor beast ! he
died three months after, on my way up, of nostalgia, I
rather think, and I gave him decent sepulture on a spit
of sand in the Ganges.
From the auction we proceeded to the China bazaar.
" Grundy," said I, as we went along, rather noncha-
lamment, "you need not say anything to Captain Mar-
peet, about my buying those knives."
" Why not ? " he asked.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 109
" I have my reasons for it," said I, " that's enough."
Grundy promised to be mum.
The China hazaar ! What Bengalee, military man in
particular, who does not know that attractive resort that
repository of temptations ! What a host of pleasant
recollections it is calculated to revive !
This place is situated at the hack of Tank Square,
and is enclosed by walls, and entered by gates, at several
points. The shops are in long flat-roofed ranges, gener-
ally of (I believe) two stories, intersecting each other at
right angles ; a margin of terrace, a foot or two from the
ground, runs along the front of the several shops or
stores. Sheltered here and there by an eave or thatched
projection, seated in chairs, crosslegged, and in other un-
English attitudes, quite at their ease, and smoking their
pipes, the baboos, or shopkeepers, may be seen, each
opposite his emporium, into which they invite the nume-
rous visitors to the bazaar to enter, assuring them they
will find everything they may want "chip," and of the
first quality.
As Grundy and I sauntered down one of the streets,
we were struck by the appearance of one of the native
shopkeepers, who, with an air of courtier-like urbanity,
invited us to enter his store. In stature, he was about
six feet three or four, stout in proportion; a muslin
chudder or toga was thrown over his shoulders, and a
piece more round his waist, but slightly concealing his
brawny form ; altogether he was the finest- looking
Bengalee I ever beheld ; indeed, I thought it a pity
such thews and sinews, so well calculated for the tug of
war, should be lost in the inglorious inaction of the China
bazaar. This worthy I afterwards learnt was that
celebrated character "Jawing Jack," well known amongst
cadets for his copia verborum and dignified address.
Nature and destiny had evidently been at cross-purposes
in the management of Jack ; the former had clearly
intended him morally for what he was physically, a great
man, but his stars had thwarted the design.
110 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
Jack rose from his chair as we drew near, overshadow-
ing us striplings with his Patagonian bulk. I, for my
part (being then what is vulgarly called a " lathy chap "),
felt myself disagreeably small beside him, doubly so he
being a " black fellow," and thought I was under the
necessity of speaking pretty big, in order to make up for
the deficiency, and to place myself more on a level with
him. " Jawing Jack " had had large experience of griffs,
and, though he treated us in a kind of patronising
manner, he cautiously avoided anything that might lead
to offence, and a consequent lowering of his own
dignity.
There is a sly satire sometimes in the calm and im-
perturbable deportment of the Asiatic, when dealing with
the rattling, blustering, overbearing European, which
conveys a tacit censure well calculated to shame our
boasted civilization. " Lately arrived from Europe,
gentlemen, I suppose ? Hope you are quite well ? Will
you please do me the honour to walk into my shop
shall be happy to supply anything re-qui-red, at very
reasonable price. I have honour to be well known to all
military gentlemen at Barrackpore, and sell best of
European articles, and no * Niverpool* goods.' " Having
rummaged " Jawing Jack's " shop, and bought a few
articles, we took our departure, promising at parting to
honour him with our future custom.
The Bengalese have a wonderful deal of versatility
and acuteness, certainly not naturally the mental
power and energy of the European; but as they live
temperately, and do not clog the intellectual wheels with
beef and malt liquor, the mental machinery is generally
in capital working order.
On returning to my quarters, I found a chupprassy,
or messenger, with a note from General Capsicum,
acknowledging the receipt of a letter I had sent him
from his friend Sir Toby Tickle, and requesting my
* Liverpool, long considered a distinct empire from Great Britain by
the natives, and as forming no part of Europe.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. Ill
company to tiffin and dinner on the following day, at his
house at Garden Reach.
A little before the appointed hour, I ordered a palan-
keen, and proceeded to the general's residence, situated
in a pleasant domain, some two or three miles from Cal-
cutta. On arriving, I was shown up-stairs into the
drawing-room, which commanded a pleasant view of the
Hoogly, with its moving scene of boats and shipping,
and a distant peep of Fort William.
I was standing gazing on the prospect, admiring the
boats under sail gliding from side to side, walking as it
were the minuet of the waters, the shadows skimming
over the river, and the milk-white villas on the opposite
bank starting out from amidst the bright green of
surrounding groves, when the rustle of a gown and a
slight touch on the shoulder aroused me from my state
of abstraction. It was the young widow of whom I
have already made mention, " the softened image " of the
rough old general, my Hibernian host.
"How do you do, Mr. Gernon?" said she, extending
her hand with exceeding frankness and smiling cordiality;
" I am so glad to see you again and not looking in any
way the worse for your sojourn in Calcutta." (Oh !
that our English pride and sensitiveness, those adaman-
tine trammels of caste, which strangle so many of our
virtues, would let us have a little more of that single-
hearted openness " which thinketh no evil " it is so
comfortable !) " Have you seen my father yet ? " asked
Mrs. Delaval, for that was her name.
I answered in the negative.
"Oh, then," she continued, "he will be here im-
mediately when he knows of your arrival, for he is
anxious, I know, to see you ; he is somewhere in the
house, amusing himself with his violin. But pray, Mr.
Gernon, be seated," she continued, "and tell me how
you like India, now that you have seen a little more
of it."
" I like it much/' I replied, " and never was happier
112 MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN.
in my life. I have got my commission, and as soon as
posted to a regiment, am off to the Upper Provinces by
water. I have some idea of applying for a particular
corps, but have not yet decided on that point : they say
you should not interfere with the operations of the
Fates, but leave yourself to their direction. What,
madam," continued I, " would you advise me to do ? ''
" Oh ! really," said Mrs. Delaval, smiling at the idea
of my asking her advice on such a point, " I fear I am
incompetent to advise you, not knowing all the circum-
stances of your position ; you ought, of course, to
consider well before you act, and having so done, leave
the result to Providence. I am, however," said she,
somewhat seriously, " a decided predestinarian, and
believe that
* There is a providence that shapes our ends,
Rough-hew them how we will.' "
" It is a puzzling subject," said I, " and one that is
rather beyond me ; one if I remember rightly, that even
bewildered the devils in Pandemonium. However, I
think the safest maxim to hold by is, that ' conduct is
fate/ "
This was rather a philosophical opinion for a griffin,
but one which I have always held, though young blood
at that time and since has often capsized the philoso-
pher.
" Well, Mr. Gernon," continued she, " you have my
best wishes for your happiness and success in life ; all is
couleur de rose with you now ; may it ever so continue !
Already," said she, and the tear glistened, " the clouds
of life are beginning to pass over me."
As she said this, she crossed her fair white hands on
her lap, and the widow's eyes sadly dropped on her
wedding ring, the little golden circlet type of eternal
fidelity. I understood it, and was silent. Silence is
preferable on such occasions, perhaps, to the common-
places of condolence. We both continued rnute for
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 113
some moments ; she looking at her ring, I out of the
window.
At length, I ventured to say,
"Dear madam, do not deem me impertinent, I pray;
but cheer up; remember, as my Irish half- country man
beautifully expresses it, ' every dark cloud has a silver
lining,' and there are doubtless many, many happy days
yet in store for you."
I should have premised, that Mrs. Delaval had lately
lost her husband, a fine young fellow, who fell in the
storm of a small Polygar fort on the coast, and Time
had not yet brought that balm with which in due course
he heals the wounds of the heart, unless the very deep-
est. I was certainly waxing tender, when the idea of
Olivia, my poor abandoned Olivia, crossed my mind.
"What would Mrs. Grundy say," thought I, "if she
knew of it ? "
The widow gave her auburn locks a toss, made an
effort at self-possession, smiled through her tears, and
was herself again.
" By-the-bye, Mr. Gernon," said she, " though but a
recent acquaintance, I will assume the privilege of an
old friend, and give you some little information whilst
we are alone, which may be of some advantage to you
in your intercourse with this family."
I looked alarmed, not knowing what was forthcoming.
She perceived what was passing in my mind.
" You* need not think, Mr. Gernon," and she smiled,
" that you have come amongst giants or ogres, who are
likely to form designs against your life and liberty.
Nothing quite so bad as that no. What I wished to
say is, that my father is a man of warm and generous
impulses, but violently passionate and eccentric; and I
entreat you to be cautious in what you say before him,
and do not press any subject if you find him evincing
impatience. If he likes he may serve you ; but if he
takes a prejudice, he is exceedingly persecuting and
bitter: a warm friend but an inexorable foe. Mrs.
114 MEMOIRS OF A GBIFFIN.
Capsicum, to much vulgarity adds all my father's vio-
lence and irritability, with none of his redeeming quali-
ties. You must be submissive, and prove yourself a
'good listener,' or you will have little chance of standing
well with her."
This was said with some little asperity of manner,
plainly indicating that the step-mother was not more
popular than step-mothers generally are.
"As for the others you will see here, you may safely
be left to the guidance of your own judgment and dis-
cretion in your conduct towards them."
I thanked Mrs. Delaval for her information, which, I
saw, emanated from the purest feeling of womanly kind-
ness, and promised to be on my guard, and endeavour to
profit by it.
CHAPTEE XI.
I MUST here interrupt the thread of my narrative, in
order to give a few particulars respecting my host and
his family, which may serve as samples of the olden
time of India.
The general was the youngest of the ten sons of Sir
Gerald Capsicum, a fire-eating baronet of a " rare ould
ancient Irish family," and was sent to India about anno
1750, with little more than his sword, his brogue, and
the family love of fighting wherewith to assist him on in
the world. The general's career had been varied, and he
had gone through all the adventures, public and domes-
tic, which usually happened to those whose lot, in respect
to time and place, had been similarly cast.
I have said the general was an Irishman ; it follows as
a natural consequence, that he was extremely susceptible
of the tenderest of passions ; and as in his early days
there were few white dames in the land, like many others
he e'en put up with a black pne attached himself to
MEMOIKS OP A GRIFFIN. 115
Sung Sittara Begum (the " Queen of Stars "), one of the
gazelle-eyed daughters of Hind.
This union, though not cemented by the forms of
marriage, was, on the whole, more harmonious and en-
during than many that are. I say on the whole ; for if
tradition may be depended on, the Queen of Stars was
wont, now and then, to exhibit traits of vivacity, which
were rather of a striking than of a pleasing nature.
With these trifling breaks, the union long harmoniously
subsisted, and was not finally dissolved till the angel of
death, one fine day, summoned the Begum to the seventh
heaven.
By the Begum, the general had Major John Capsicum,
an officer in the service, and commanding the forces of
his highness Ram Row Bhow Punt, the Jam of Ghur-
rumnugger, a Mahratta potentate of small note, whose
territories it might be difficult to discover in the map ;
secondly, Augustus, an indigo planter in the district of
Jessore, commonly called by the general's native servants
(who, like all the rest of the fraternity, were not aufait
at European names) "Disgustus -Sahib;" and Mrs.
Colonel Yellowly, a lady of high and indomitable spirit,
who died some years before the period to which I am
referring, and of whom I could learn little more from
record or tradition than that she was rather celebrated for
the manufacture of Chutnee and Dopiajah curry, talked
a good deal of a certain terra incognita called " home,"
and ultimately went off rather suddenly, as some affirm,
from chagrin in consequence of having a point of pre-
cedence decided against her, arising out of a dispute with
Lady Jiggs at a presidency party as to who de jure
should first come in or go out.
The stickling for precedency, by the way, is a disorder
very prevalent in colonial dependencies; and like gravi-
tation, which increases with the -squares of the distance,
its intensity seems to be governed by a somewhat similar
law, and to exist in an inverse ratio to the apparent cause
for it.
116 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
Long after the general had passed his fiftieth year, he
married the mother of the amiable widow (a nonpareil
grafted on a crab), by all accounts a charming person,
who, yielding to importunity, took old Capsicum to
gratify the ambition of worldly parents, in whose
opinion wealth and rank are all that are essential to
connubial happiness.
Poor thing! she gave her hand, but her heart was
another's. The worm-i'-the-bud was there, and soon did
the business. Opportunity offered nature was too
powerful for the colder suggestions of duty she eloped
with the man she loved ; but even love cannot flourish in
an atmosphere of scorn. Mankind are intensely grega-
rious. Shunned deserted by her own sex, who, like
birds (though from more obvious cause), peck their
wounded fellows to death she died in a lone outpost,
and the winds of the jungles pipe over her solitary
grave.
" C'est bien difficile d'etre fidele
A de certains maris, faits d'un certain modelle,
Et qui donne a sa fille un homme qu'elle hait.
Est responsable au Ciel pour le mal qu'elle fait."
Admirable Moliere ! you never penned a more striking
truth. Parents, ponder it well.
The general, after the lapse of some years, with the
characteristic valour of the Capsicums, boldly ventured,
a short time before I knew him, on a second marriage;
but here he caught a Tartar. Mrs. Capsicum the second
was an Irish lady (woman I should perhaps say), who
came out to India avowedly on spec., with the full
determination of marrying a good establishment, with
comfortable reversionary prospects, however they might
happen to be encumbered. She made play at the
general, sang " Erin mavourneen " and " Cathleen
O'More," talked of the Callaghans and Brallaghans,
revived the general's boyish reminiscences of the green
hills of Sligo, and ultimately led him, or rather had him
earned, to the hymeneal altar ! Of love the proper
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIX. 117
cement of the marriage-union there -was none, on her
side at least.
But to return to my narrative.
The widow and I had not been long engaged in con-
versation (which, as I hefore hinted, was "becoming
rather interesting), when we heard the scrape of a violin
outside in the passage.
" Oh, here is my father," said Mrs. Delaval, " coming
from his room. Now remember my caution."
I was about to reply, but she laid her finger on her lip
expressively, as much as to say, "Another time; he's
here."
The old general now entered, with a black velvet sort
of nightcap stuck rakishly on his head, and playing
rather jauntily " St. Patrick's Day in the Morning," to
which he hummed an accompaniment his voice dis-
playing, as usual, all that vigour in its tones which, as I
have before remarked, afforded so striking a contrast to
his dried-up and time-worn frame : as he entered with
his spindle shanks, huge frill, voluminous upper works,
pigtail, and velvet cap, I thought I never saw a droller
figure. Still the gallant bearing and nonchalance of the
little old Irishman, who evidently was unconscious of any-
thing at all out of the way in himself, rather neutralized
any feeling of disrespect which his figure was at first cal-
culated to excite.
On seeing me, he finished off the saint with a few
galloping flourishes, pushed the fiddle on the table, trans-
ferred the stick to his left hand, and made a rapid advance,
or rather toddle, towards me, with his right extended.
"Hah, sur, I'm glad to see you," said he; "Mr. Ger-
non, I believe ? Very happy indeed to have your com-
pany, sur ; shall be glad to show you ivery attintion in
ivery sense of the word, sur, for the sake of my old
friend Sir Toby ; and I doubt not," he continued, with a
low bow of the old school and a smile, " that I shall be
able also to add, on your own."
As he made this courteous speech and inclination,
118 MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN.
Ms eye lighted on a letter lying on the table, which
quickly threw the irritable old fellow off his balance,
and put the courtier to flight.
"Why, mee heart, Cordalia/' he thundered out
in a voice that startled me ; " by all that's good, that
egragious ass, Ramdial, has gone without the letter.
A man naid have the timper of an angel to dale with
these fellows."
Mrs. Delaval, to cut the affair short, rose immedi-
ately from her seat, and taking the letter, called a
servant to the head of the stairs, and quickly rectified
the omission.
" Thank ye, Cordalia, mee love/' said the old gen-
eral as she returned; " thank ye, mee darling;" and
taking her hand and drawing the graceful creature to-
wards him, he imprinted a kiss on her cheek.
There's no use mincing matters I certainly envied
him the privilege.
This little interruption over, I returned to a speech
which, having previously worded and fashioned in
rather a superior style, I thought it a pity should be
lost.
I said, after a hem or two, that I felt deeply obliged
for his cordial reception of me, that I should study to
deserve his good opinion, and to realize the gratifying
anticipations he had so obligingly expressed, &c. &c.
" Ye will, sur ; ye will, sur," said the general ; " I've
not the laste doubt of it; and, plase God, we'll some
day see you as accomplished a soldier as was your
poor uncle, the colonel,"
"What! sir," said I, pleased with the discovery, and
with no fear that he was about to come Chattermohun
over me; "did you then know my uncle, Colonel
Gernon ? "
" Know him ! " said the general, with energy and
warmth " I did, and right well too ; we were in God-
dard's march together and the Rohilla campaign, and
in many places besides. Yes," he continued, warming
MEMOIES OF A GEIFFIN. 119
as he went on, " poor Pat Gernon and I have broiled
under the same tint and fought under the same banner,
ay, by G , and mounted the same brache together ;
yes," added he, clutching his fiddlestick, and looking as
fierce as if he was bursting through the fire and carnage
of an assault, " I think I now hear the shouts of the
inimy, and see your brave uncle lading on his gallant
Sapoys through fire and smoke, his beaver in one hand
and his sword in the other. Ah," he went on, touched
and overcome, whilst his eye moistened, " them were the
days : the thought of them it is now long, long back
and of all my old companions gone, comes over me some-
times like a faint air or a summer's drame. Know your
uncle ! Ay did I, and a braver soldier or a better man
(though he had his faults, and who the divil has not?)
never broke the bread of life."
I felt a sensation of choking, whilst all the ancient
blood of the Gernons mantled in my cheeks, as I listened
to the veteran's animated laudation of my deceased
relative.
" Well, sur," continued the general, suddenly changing
the subject, and as if a little ashamed of the weakness
and enthusiasm into which he had been betrayed, " and
how did you lave my old friend, Sir Toby ? Is he as
fond of his bottle and his rubber as he used to be ? I
think he played the best hand at whist of any man I ever
knew."
"I believe, sir," said I, " that Sir Toby's habits are un-
changed in those respects ; though I am unable to speak
much of him from personal knowledge, having obtained
the letter of introduction which I have had the honour
to deliver to you through the kindness of a mutual
friend."
" Well, never mind how ye got it, so that ye did get
it. I am extramely happy that it has been the manes of
introducing to my acquaintance the nephew of my old
companion in arms, to whom, by the way, you bear a
strong resemblance : so now/' he continued, " talk to my
120 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
daughter, or amuse yourself in any way ye plase till tif-
fin, and I'll do the same ; this is liberty hall, where
every man does as he plases. Cordalia, my love, where
is your mother ? "
" I have not seen Mrs. Capsicum, sir, this morning
since breakfast," replied Mrs. Delaval ; " but I believe
she has gone out to pay some visits."
" Has she ? " said the general dryly ; " well, now, I
thought I noticed a remarkable stillness over the
house."
This was said in a manner, I thought, which smacked
of what may be termed a bitter mirth.
This conversation had scarcely terminated, when we
heard a loud and angry voice on the stairs or landing ;
and next moment, in sailed Mrs. Capsicum Secunda,
with a face that would have made a fine study
for a Hecate, a Gorgon, a Fury, or any other of
those celebrated characters, in whose countenances the
ancients were wont to depict all the wildest play of the
passions. Mrs. Delaval turned pale, the old general
looked dismayed, and I, for my part, groped for my hat,
thinking I might doubtless be de trop and better out
of the way before the family breeze sprung up, and of
which there were such alarming indications.
Mrs. Capsicum seated herself majestically her lip
quivered with rage, and an unhappy poodle, who came
to be caressed, and received a sweeping blow from her foot,
which caused him to throw a ludicrous somerset. Now,
thought I, " look out for squalls."
General Capsicum knew, probably from experience,
that his spouse would generally have the last word,
but on the present occasion he was determined (or
deemed it politic) to have the first.
" Mrs. Capsicum, mee dear," said he, in a deprecat-
ing tone, " you don't appear to persave our young
friend here, Mr. Gernon" (wishing clearly to throw me
out as a tub to the whale). The lady measured me
with a momentary glance, and made the stiffest con-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 121
ceivable inclination, accompanied by a look the concen-
trated essence of vinegar and brimstone ; it was posi-
tively annihilating.
After certain premonitory symptoms of Mrs. Capsi-
cum's passion, out it came :
" Ginrel Capsicum," said she, " aither I lave your
house, or that rascal Khoda Buccas, coachmaun, laves
your service."
She then proceeded to detail some neglect of which
the unfortunate Jehu had been guilty. The general
tried to mollify her, but without success, and Khoda
Buccas was summoned to the " presence " to answer for
his misdeeds : in he came, with a low salaam, and trem-
bling from head to foot.
The general was about to open the charges when
Khoda Buccas, who knew all about it beforehand, broke
in upon him, and, with the full energy of alarm and
great volubility, entered clamorously on his defence.
" Mera kooch kussor nuheen Kodabund (No fault of
mine, servant of the Lord, and protector of the poor),
but Bijlee Goorah (the horse Lightning), was sick (sick
maun Hogeya)* and then the roan had lost her hind
shoes, Gureebpurwar. Here and there, all over the
bazaar, your slave hunted for the blacksmith, and could
not find him. At last your slave found him, and said,
' Come quick and shoe Summon Goorah (the roan horse),
for the lady will want the carriage, and her disposition is
a little warm (misaj tora gurruni), and your slave will
be beat and get into trouble;' and so he said to me
' Brother/ said he, &c., &c., and so I was late."
This and a good deal more, as explained to me by
Mrs. Delaval, was the rambling defence of Khoda Buc-
eas, coachmaun. The old gentleman seemed disposed
to admit its sufficiency; but madame peremptorily
ordered off the unhappy charioteer, with the com-
* Sick maun, or sick man, one of the few phrases borrowed from the
English, and applied to brutes, furniture, or anything damaged or out of
order.
122 MEMOIKS OF A GEIFFIN.
fortable assurance that he should be flogged and dis-
missed.
Oh, tyranny, thou propensity of ungenerous souls !
like Othello's love, thou growest with indulgence ; till,
like to every other evil, thou at last evokest the spirit
that lays thee low !
Well, the storm at last having fairly subsided, the
general hobbled to the couch, and took up a paper, as if
glad for a season to retreat within himself. Mrs. Dela-
val and I carried on a conversation in an under-tone,
whilst Mrs. Capsicum in silence digested her choler.
The silence was interrupted by the entrance of a
native servant, who, with closed hands, and in a manner
profoundly respectful, said something in an under-tone
to the beebee sahib.
" Ginrel Capsicum," said Mrs. C., as the servant with-
drew, " here is your son Augustus arrived."
" Is he ? " said the old general, jumping up and throw-
ing down the paper ; " faith, then, I'm glad of it, and ye
haven't told me a pleasanter thing for a long time, my
deer."
These words were scarcely uttered, when a dark black-
whiskered man, of a frank and ingenuous countenance,
with a hunting-cap on his head, and a whip in his hand,
entered the room, and running up to the old general and
seizing his extended hand in both his own, in a man-
ner which bespoke genuine warmth and affection, ex-
claimed :
" How are you, sir ? quite recovered, I hope, from
your last attack ? "
" Well, my boy, well ! " said the general, his eyes
sparkling with pleasure as he measured his stalwart dark
offspring from head to foot, as if in some doubt as to
whether he could really be the sire of such a brawny
chiel. " Well ! and right glad to see you here ; how
did you come ? "
"Why, I left the factory early this morning, sir,"
said " Disgustus ; " " came on as far as the Budlampore
MEMOIES OF A GKIFFIN. 123
ghaut in the pirmace ; from that I drove the buggy down
to the Thannab, and there I found Golaub in waiting ;
I rode him in here at a rattling pace confounded hot
work it was, though ; and I expect I've rather taken the
shine out of the Arab."
" That's well/' said the general, " and now be sated.
Augustus, my young friend, Mr. Gernon ; Mr. Gernon,
my son, Mr. Augustus Capsicum."
I bowed with English formality, but the hearty man
of blue did not appear to understand that sort of thing,
but came up and shook me by the hand ; asked me if I
was lately arrived, and said he was glad to see me. This
was a pleasing trait, and showed me the frankness of his
disposition.
After some little conversation with his mother-in-law,
with whom it was easy to perceive he was no particular
favourite, and a lively chat with his lovely and generous-
minded sister, who it was equally obvious loved her dark
brother, in spite of the bend sinister in his escutcheon,*
General Capsicum again addressed his son :
" Well, Augustus," said he, " what are the prospects
of indigo this year ? how does the blue look ? "
" Oh ! fair, sir, very fair. If we have no further rise
of the river, and get a few light showers, and the rain
does not fall too long to wash the colour out of the
plant, and this wind continues, we shall do very well
this year. The price is well up, Ks. 300 a maund for
the best, and I think we shall make 600. The plant
looks beautiful on the Chuckergolly churs at least it
did till the Bobbery gunge Talookdar's cows and buffa-
loes got into it. However, after all, I think we shall, on
the whole, have a capital season."
" That's well," said the general. "Egad, I think we'll
see you go home with your plum, Augustus, yet."
* In this country of high-pressure morality, it may be right to explain
that the same reluctance to mingle under one roof the children legitime
procreati with those less legally begotten does not exist in India, where
unhappily, humanity and laxity flourish together, the reverse of what it
should be, of course.
124 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
" Home, sir ! " said Augustus ; " I know of no home
but India. Here I was born, and here, please God, I
will die, however singular the determination."
Tiffin was now announced, and we descended to the
dining-room. Tiffin, or lunch, is in Bengal a delightful
meal, suitable in its character to the climate, which
renders the supererogatory one of dinner, particularly in
the hot season, with its hecatombs of smoking meat and
general superfluity of viands, often very much the
reverse.
The tiffin on the whole passed off very agreeably.
Mrs. Delaval described society as it exists in the Madras
presidency, and much she had seen and heard there.
Augustus told us of a recent battle-royal, a sort of
Bengalee Chevy Chase, which had been fought between
his followers and those of a neighbouring Zumeendar,
by way of settling the right to some disputed beegahs of
indigo ; in which many crowns were cracked, and astonish-
ing feats of chivalry displayed on both sides.
But the parts of his conversation which most delighted
me, were the accounts he gave of sundry wild hog and
buffalo hunts, which after deducting about 50 per cent,
on account of embellishments for sportsmen, like/poets,
must be allowed some considerable latitude in that way
were really very exciting. In fact, I told him I was
dying to have a touch at the hogs and buffaloes myself,
and that I hoped it would not be long before I fleshed
my maiden spear on a few of the former.
This looked rather like a fish for an invitation to the
Junglesoor Factory, and I won't swear that I was wholly
without design on the worthy indigo planter's hospitality
in making the remark ; whether he viewed it in this light,
or not, I cannot say, but he promptly said he should be
happy to gratify my longing in that line, if I would go
and spend a fortnight with him at his factory.
I replied, " I should be delighted to accompany him,
if I could obtain leave."
" Oh ! " said he, " that difficulty can easily be over-
MEMOIES OF A GRIFFIN. 125
come ; my father, I dare say, will give you a note to a
friend of his in the adjutant- general's office, who'll pro-
cure you leave at once."
" I shall have a grate dale of pleasure in so doing,"
said the general ; " but Augustus, now, I entrate you,
lade the young man into no scrapes : and don't let us
hear of his being gored by a buffalo, or ate up by a
tiger, or killed by some of them brutes of horses of
yours."
" Oh ! no," said Augustus, laughing and winking at
me ; " we'll take care of all that, sir."
CHAPTEK XII.
MY last chapter left us seated around the social board at
Tiffin. A little incident occurred during this meal, which
for a moment disturbed the harmony of the party, and,
whilst strongly elucidating the character given by Mrs.
Delaval of her father, showed that her caution to me, to
be on my guard with the atrabilious old hero, was not
bestowed without reason. The general's temper truly
was like a pistol with a hair-trigger (as I had afterwards
further occasion to observe), going off at the slightest
touch, and requiring infinite caution in the handling.
Like many old Indians of that day, and I may add,
most old gentlemen, the general piqued himself on the
quality of his wines. He had a history for every batch ;
generally ramifying into almost interminable anecdotes
of the Dicks and Bobs, defunct bon vivans of other
days, who in the course of half a century had partaken
of his hospitality.
"What do you think of that claret, Mr. Gernon?"
asked the old general, after I had duly ingulphed a
lonum magnum of it. " I'll engage you find that good."
Now I must confess that, up to that period (sundry
126 MEMOIBS OF A GEIFFIN.
glasses of ginger and gooseberry inclusive), the aggregate
quantity of vinous fluid consumed by me, and constitut-
ing the basis of my experience, could not have exceeded
two or three dozen at the most. But I was flattered by
the general's appeal, and, as a military man, I felt that I
ought not to appear ignorant and inexperienced on such
a matter.
Many young Oxonians and Cantabs, whom I had
known at home, little my seniors, had talked flingingly
in my presence of " their wine," and the quantity
consumed by the " men " of their respective colleges ;
and why should not I, methought, assume the air of the
" savoir vivre" and appear at home in these things, who
have already figured in print and buckled cold steel on
my thigh ? I had heard much, too, of light wines,
and dry wines, wines that were full and strong-bodied,
&c., and, though T attached no very clear and de-
finiteideas to these terms, I had still a hazy con-
ception of their meaning, and was determined, at all
events, to sport one or two of them on the present
occasion.
In reply to the general's question, I filled a glass, and
after taking an observation of the sun through it (just
then darting his evening rays through the Venetians) with
my right eye, accompanied by a scientific screw of the
facial muscles, pronounced it, with a smack, to be a fine
full-bodied wine, adding, unhappily, that " I should have
almost taken it for port."
The general laid down his knife and fork. " Port !
Why, sir, sure ye never drank a drop of good claret
in your life, if you say so."
" I beg pardon, sir ! " said I (I saw I was getting
into a 'scrape), " but I may perhaps be wrong in say-
ing it resembles port. I meant .to say to imply that
is that it is very strong claret."
"Pooh, nonsense," said the general pettishly, on
whom my explanation was far from producing the
desired effect. "Ye can know nothing about claret"
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 127
(he was not very wide of the mark there). "Strong!
like port, indeed ! ! "
"My dear father/' said Mrs. Delaval (the women
are ever our good geniuses on these occasions), who
marked, I have no doubt, the clouds gathering on my
hrow, " never mind ; what does it signify ? You
know," said she, laying her hand on the general's
shoulder, and looking at him with a sweet and beseech-
ing expression, " you know, Mr. Gernon is quite young,
and cannot have had much experience in wines."
" Then let him take my advice, Cordalia, and not talk
about what he does not understand. Strong ! ha ! ha !
Port, indeed ! "
I was thunderstruck, and thought verily I should have
launched the bottle at the head of the testy old veteran,
so deep a wound had my pride received. I could hardly
believe it possible that one of evidently so fine a charac-
ter in the main, could give way to such unbecoming con-
duct on so trifling a matter.
The fact is, the general had had his crosses and trials,
and such often shatter the temper irretrievably, though
the heart and principles may remain sound much
charity and discrimination are requisite to enable us to
form a just judgment of others, to decide on the predomi-
nant hue of that mingled skein which constitutes indi-
vidual character.
Augustus, worthy fellow that he was, saw my distress
and redoubled his civility, whilst Mrs. Delaval, by that
tact and kindness which women best know how to ex-
hibit on such occasions, endeavoured to soften my sense
of the indignity ; even Mrs. Capsicum took up the cud-
gels in my behalf, and told the general roundly that he
made himself quite ridiculous about his wine. But all
would not do ; the affront was too recent, and I was
moody and glum, pondering within myself as to
whether there were any well-established precedents on
record, of ensigns of seventeen calling out and shoot-
ing generals of eighty.
128 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
General Capsicum's irritability, however, soon subsided,
and compunctious vi sitings arose ; I could see this by
his eye and the softened expression of his countenance,
and that he was moreover anxious to make the amende
honorable ; at last he reached the bottle and filled him-
self a bumper and me another.
" Come," said he, good-humouredly, " let us try another
glass, and d n the port. Here's your very good
health, and success to your first day's hog-hunting with
Augustus."
I returned the salutation rather stiffly, for, though of
a placable nature, I had not digested the affront ; how-
ever, the tide of my anger was turned, and by dinner-
time the general and I were as good friends as if nothing
had happened.
We lingered for an hour or two at the tiffin table,
Augustus Sahib entertaining me with some details of
snipe shooting, and arranging a programme of our future
sporting operations, the general drowsily smoking his
hookah and nodding in his chair, with an occasional start
and muttered commentary on our conversation, indicative,
I once or twice thought, of some fresh explosion.
At length, on the approach of evening, the servants,
as is usual in India, unbolted and threw open the long
Venetian doors, to admit the cool air, and out we saun-
tered on the lawn, to join the ladies (to whose number
some addition had been made), and who had preceded
us, and were admiring the moving scene on the river.
The sun had just gone down, and all nature seemed to be
with one accord putting forth a rejoicing shout, an excess
of that luminary producing all the torpid effects which
arise from a deficiency of his beams elsewhere. The kite
whistled querulously from the house-top, the maynas and
squirrels chattered joyfully in the trees, ring-doves cooed,
and the bright yellow mango birds and the dark coel
(loved of Indian maids) shot through the cool groves and
glades of cocoa-nut and bananas (plantains), uttering
their clear and shrilly notes.
MEMOIRS ON A GRIFFIN. 129
Mr. Augustus joined the stately Mrs. Capsicum and
the newly- arrived spinster, whilst I paired off with the
widow, towards whom I felt myself drawn by an irresist-
ible power of attraction. I felt great delight certainly
in the society and conversation of this lady ; though then
too young to analyze the sources of my admiration, re-
flection has since shown me what they were, having
passed them through the prism of my mind, and separated
those pencils of moral light which, united, produced the
sum of her excellence. I cannot here resist drawing a
little portrait of her.
To a full, yet graceful, person Mrs. Delaval united a
countenance, which, if not regularly beautiful, still
beamed with goodness and intelligence sensible, lively,
yet modest and discreet, she was all that man should
desire, and woman wish to be. Above the common little-
nesses of the world, her heart was deeply fraught with
feeling and sensibility though, unlike her sex in general,
she could direct and restrain them both by the powers of
a clear and masculine understanding. Her Irish pater-
nity had given her impulses ; her Saxon blood had fur-
nished their regulating power. She played, sang, drew,
and, in a word, was mistress of all those lighter accom-
plishments which serve to attract lovers, but which alone
rarely suffice to keep them ; to these she added a mind of
an original turn, improved by reading and reflection.
Much good advice did she impart, the nature of which
the reader may readily imagine, and which it will there-
fore be unnecessary to repeat. It is from the lips of
such Mentors, that " truth " indeed " prevails with double
sway" one smile from them goes further towards con-
vincing than a dozen syllogisms.
Many years have now passed since I took that stroll
on the banks of the " dark rolling Hooghly ; " many
a hand I then clasped has since become cold ; and many
a voice I loved to listen to, mute for ever ; but the scene
remains pictured in my mind in strong and ineffaceable
colours.
130 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
I think I now behold the group we formed, the white
dresses of the ladies, making them to look like spirits
walking in a garden, and honest Augustus, with his
solah topee* looking down on his shoes, and saying
agreeable things, the shadows of evening closing around
us ; the huge fox hats sailing heavily over-head ; the river
spreading its broad surface before us, suffused with
the crimson flush of departing day ; the boats moving
across it afar, their oars dabbling as it were in quick-
silver ; the mists rising slowly from neighbouring groves
stealing over the scene, and then the stilly, tranquil hour,
broken only by the plash of passing oars, the sound of
a distant gong, or the far-off music of a marriage cere-
mony, or the hum and drumming of the bazaar those
drowsy sounds of an Indian eve. It was a bit of still
life to be ever remembered.
The guests for the burra khana now began to arrive.
Gigs, carriages, and palankeens, flambeaux, dancing
lights, and the musical groans of the cahars, or bearers,
as they hurried along the winding road, made the gene-
ral's domain, a few moments before buried in repose, a
scene of life and animation.
We returned to the mansion. The reception room
was fast filling. Generals, colonels, judges, barristers
of the Supreme Court, merchants, agents, writers, with
their ladies, the elite of Calcutta fashionable society,
was, now, for the first time, submitted to my observation.
White jackets, and still whiter faces, were the predomina-
ting features of the group (except where relieved by
English blood and up-country brick-dust), whose man-
ners on the whole struck me as being more frank and
open than those of people in England, although that
freedom occasionally bordered, I thought in many, on a
rough, familiar, horse-play sort of manner, which then,
at least, was too common in India, where the causes
which predispose to a disregard of courtesy are unfortu-
nately too rife.
* Broad -brimmed hat of pith, or solah.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 131
Some of the party discussed politics, horse-racing, the
latest news from up the country, the promotions and
appointments, and so forth, in groups ; whilst others,
four or five abreast, stumped up and down the broad
verandah, talking and laughing energetically ; their
spirits evidently enlivened by the rapid locomotion in
which they were indulging.
General Capsicum was very pleasant with the hurra
leebee, a fine stately old dame, with a turban of bird of
paradise plumes, and with whom, I afterwards learned
he had actually walked a minuet in the year of grace
1770. Mrs. Capsicum, surrounded by a group of mili-
tary men and young writers, was endeavouring to reduce
her large mouth to the smallest possible dimensions
mincing the king's English, and " talking conversation "
*' mighty illigant " to the whole ring, in whose counten-
ances a certain mock gravity indicated pretty evidently
what they thought of her.
At last, the khansaman-jee, or chief butler, a very
important and respectable personage, with an aldermanic
expansion of the abdominal region, a huge black beard,
and a napkin hanging from his kummerbund, or girdle,
with hands respectfully closed, head on one side, and an
air most profoundly deferential, announced to the general
that the dinner was served " Tiar hyn ? "
" Dinner ready, did ye say ? " said the general, who
was a little deaf, and turning up his best ear to catch the
reply.
"Han khodalund" ("yes, slave of the Lord),"
repeated the khansaman-jee.
" Come, gintlemen ; come, leedies those who have
any mind to ate may follow me."
Thus saying, the general, with great gaite de coeur,
presented his arm to the old lady of the bird of paradise
plume, and hobbled off with her, chattering and laugh-
ing, and followed by the whole company. I, the lanky
griffin, brought up the rear, looking, on the whole rather
" small."
K 2
132 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
The coup-d'&il of a grand dinner party in Calcutta,
given by a rich merchant or high official, is a very
splendid affair, and perhaps eclipses anything to be seen
in the mansions of persons of the same rank in Eng-
land.
The general's presented a brilliant sample of oriental
style : a long and lofty room in a blaze of lustre, from a
row of wall lights ; a table, covered with a profusion of
plate and glass, occupied nearly the whole length of the
apartment ; the huge punkahs, suspended from the
ceiling, with their long fringes, waved to and fro, gently
agitating the air in the room, which would otherwise
have been hardly endurable from the crowd it contained.
There was much lively conversation, taking wine, and
clashing of knives and plates ; altogether far less quiet,
I thought, than at a dinner in England. The peculiar
feature, however, of the scene, and that which marked
most strongly its eastern character, was the multitude of
servants in attendance on the guests ; behind each chair,
on an average, stood two khidmut-gars, or footmen,
with black beards and mustachios, and attired in the
various gay liveries of their masters, adapted to the
turban and Indian costume ; most of them were the
domestics of great people, and exhibited in their looks
a good deal of that pampered, self-satisfied importance,
so often observable in our metropolitan servants here at
home the vulgar reflection of their masters' consequence,
Many stood, their arms folded, with Koman dignity,
gazing consequentially about them,jmd mentally making
their observations on their fellow- servants and the guests.
Dinner over and the ladies withdrawn, the gentlemen
closed up, and the conversation became more general.
The Calcutta dinner parties are not usually scenes
of uproarious conviviality ; yet, as this was the anniver-
sary of some great event in the history of the general,
he seemed determined on its being celebrated with
something approaching to a "jollification." "Fill your
glasses, gintlemen," said he, as we closed up after the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 133
usual loyal toasts, " and I'll give ye a sentiment that
I remember was a favourite of my father's."
There was a profound silence the little veteran
arose, and valorously grasping his glass, and stretching
out his arm, delivered the following, with a rich brogue
and a most determined emphasis :
"May hemp bind the man that honour can't, and
the devil ride rough-shod over the rascally part of the
community."
The sentiment was drunk with much glee, and many
a hearty response, followed by songs and speeches.
It was late when, taking leave of the general's
family, I returned to my room in the barracks.
CHAPTEE XIII.
HAVING, by General Capsicum's promised interest, ob-
tained a fortnight's leave of absence, I took an affection-
ate leave of Grundy and Marpeet, and sent on my two
or three servants to Mr. Augustus's boat, accompanied
by Teazer and the one-eyed bull- dog. The next day, in
the early grey of morning, I proceeded with him to
Tolly's Nullah, a creek near Calcutta, communicating
with the Balliaghat Passage, where the boat was lying.
It was a cool and pleasant morning, the air delightfully
fresh. On our way, we met several ladies and gentle-
men of Calcutta on horseback.
In India, bathing and early rising principally contri-
bute to create the amount of health generally enjoyed
there, which would be far greater and less precarious than
it is, were it not for an immoderate indulgence in the
pleasures of the table, which inflames the blood, disorders
the liver, and renders the whole system peculiarly sus-
ceptible of disease ; then steps in mercury the remedy
which is a fearful shatterer of the constitution, and in
the end proves worse than the disease.
134 MEMOIBS OF A GRIFFIN.
I would earnestly advise all my brother-griffins, if
they value their happiness, to live moderately and simply
though generously, and to guard against the insidious
habit of drinking brandy pawney, to which a hot climate
offers strong and peculiar temptations. These precau-
tions observed, and the mid-day sun avoided, a fair ave-
rage amount of health may be enjoyed for years.
My friend's boat rowed ten or twelve oars, and was of
a kind a good deal in use in Calcutta. The front part
was decked, and behind it had a cabin, with Venetian
windows, occupying about half the length, and rising
several feet above the gunwale ; inside there was a small
table, and on each side lockers, which served for seats ;
to the back of these again were some cots or dormitories.
It differed from the up-country going craft in being
keeled, and having on the whole far more of the Euro-
pean long-boat build.
As we shot along the creek for a few miles, each turn
gave us peeps of the rich and luxuriant scenery of this
part of Bengal. Gardens of plantain, mango, and
jack- trees lined the banks, intermixed with clumps of
the tapering bamboo ; clusters of neat huts, with arched
roofs, appeared half-buried beneath their umbrageous
foliage, through openings of which, in the dim, cheq-
uered light, village girls, with water-pots on their heads,
might be seen gliding along, and imparting to the whole
scene an air of primeval and truly Eastern simplicity.
Here and there, in front of a hut, mantled with its
creeping gourd, would appear the milk-white cow or
petted calf, picketed by the nose, and munching his
boosa* under the cool shade of the tamarind or plantain,
whilst kids and goats, in various picturesque attitudes,
sunned themselves on the ruined wall or prostrate tree.
Sometimes we came on fishermen, in their dingies, or
canoes, with out-spread nets catching the much-prized
hilsa ;f or we looked on the dark peasantry in the green
* Boosa, chopped straw.
t Hilsa, a fish slightly resembling the salmon.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 135
rice-fields, engaged beneath a fervid sun in their various
rural occupations.
Occasionally we came suddenly upon a market, with
its congregated fleet of boats, and its busy, squabbling
assemblage of villagers, fish, grain, and vegetable venders,
&c. ; or a thannah, or police station, would break into
view, known by its picturesque burkundazes lounging
about in front, armed with spears or tulwars, and the
portly, bearded thannahdar, en deshabille, smoking his
kulian under the projecting thatch of the entrance.
The novelty of the scene, so truly un-English and
Oriental, delighted me, and my heart bounded with joy
from a feeling of vitality and freedom.
At length we began to approach those vast forests,
called the Sunderbunds,* stretching for two or three
hundred miles across the delta of the Ganges, and
through a considerable part of which our route lay.
The vicinity of this wild tract was indicated by the
gradual termination of the cultivated country, and the
commencement of the half-reclaimed lands on the borders,
presenting to the view stumps of trees, patches of jungle,
and some paddy fields, occasionally a few scattered huts,
with their sickly inhabitants huddled around them.
The boatmen being somewhat exhausted, and the tide
on the turn, Mr. Capsicum ordered them to drop anchor
in the stream not far from the shore, that they might
refresh themselves. It was a curve in the river where
we brought to, deep and broad, and remote from the
habitations of men. The lazy dark tide rolled slowly on,
its movement barely indicated by a slight set in the
current, with here and there a few tiny curling whirlpools,
which seemed to my imagination to tell of the fearful
depths and frightful monsters below. An open spot of
green sward approached the bank on one side, whilst
beyond this, on both banks, the huge trees of the sombre
forest hung darkling over the Stygian stream here
* Soondur Bun : i. e. the beautiful wood.
136 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
emerging into light, as from a realm of dolorous shade
which might have daunted Kinaldo himself.
How my thoughts now flew hack, awakened hy the
contrast, to the flowery meads and crystal streams of
merry England ! My companion now ordered chairs
and his hooka to be taken to the roof of the boat, and
there, with a teapoy and tumblers between us, we seated
ourselves at our ease, a bearer with a large chattah, or
umbrella, shielding us from the noontide rays of a power-
ful sun. A few faint airs, wafting the chirp and pipe of
unknown birds, came fanning from the woods, which,
with the monotonous bubble of Mr. Augustus's hooka,
produced a tranquil and soporific effect upon me.
In the little patch of grass meadow I have mentioned,
which lay nearly opposite to us, two or three miserable
stunted white cattle were feeding, one of them consider-
ably nearer the margin than the others. Whilst looking
towards them, I thought I discerned something dark
slowly emerging from the water where the muddy shelv-
ing shore dipped into it. I kept my eye steadily fixed
upon the object, which evidently moved and presented to
my view the resemblance of two large foot-balls, at the
end of a rough log of wood. I directed my companion's
attention to it, at the same time asking him what it was.
"There, yonder," said I, "just beyond the tuft of
reeds. See ! see ! it moves."
" Oh, I perceive the rascal," said he ; " it's a huge
alligator, making a point at that poor beast of a cow ;
but I'll spoil his sport. Bearah Bundook laou juldee !
bring up the rifle quickly."
Ere gun, however, could be brought, the monster, as
if anticipating our intentions, suddenly rushed from his
concealment, with a rapid and wriggling motion, and in
an instant had the unsuspecting cow by the nose.
The poor brute struggled, her tail crooked with agony,
her two fore-feet stuck out, and bellowing most lustily,
whilst the alligator backed rapidly towards the water,
dragging the cow along with him.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 137
" Quick ! quick ! " shouted Augustus, as the servant
blundered along, capsizing a "bucket or two in his hurry,
and handed up the gun.
" Click/' went the lock the rifle was pointed, but it
was too late : the scaly monster sunk with his prey, as
the bullet cracked sharply over the eddy ; a few bubbles
and a slight curl of the deep waters alone marking the
spot where the poor cow had disappeared in a doleful
tragedy her last appearance in public.
" What a ferocious monster ! " I exclaimed ; " do they
often carry away animals in this way ? "
" Oh, yes," replied Augustus, vexed that he had
been foiled. " Alligators in the salt and brackish waters
of the lower parts of Bengal are dangerous and fero-
cious ; but as you recede from the sea, for some reason
or another, they become comparatively harmless, and
seldom molest man or beast, confining their depredations
to the finny tribe. Near my factory they are continually
carrying off the villagers from the ghauts, and I have
heard and believe, though I have never witnessed a case,,
that they sometimes adroitly knock the fishermen from
off their dingies by a blow of the tail, and then snap
them up in a moment."
" Why do not the people hunt and destroy the brutes?"
I asked.
"They require more salt to be put upon their tails-
than your sparrows at home," said Augustus with a
roguish smile, which made me think that he had been
cognizant of an early attempt of mine in that way.
" However," he continued, " after a good many poor
devils have been carried off, blacky's apathy is a little
disturbed, and he does sometimes catch them in the
following manner. A party row slowly up the stream^
dragging a number of hooked lines after them ; when
these are arrested by the horny hide of the alligator, as he
lies in the mud at the bottom, they slowly raise the torpid
brute (who seldom makes any resistance) till he appears
above the surface ; they then simultaneously dart a
138 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
number of small barbed harpoons into him, to the heads
of which (whence the shafts are made to detach easily)
stout cords are fastened, and thus they secure his body;
to prevent his doing mischief with his jaws, they present
a stick, and when he seizes it with a snap, they belay
a cord round those formidable instrument of destruc-
tion."
After the crew had refreshed, we pursued our voyage,
plunging into the dreary solitude, intersected by a laby-
rinth of creeks and rivers ; on each side arose a wall of
forest, with a thick undergrowth of the most luxuriant
vegetation, springing from the fat alluvial soil.
The silence of death was around, broken only at
intervals by the distant crow of the jungle-fowl, the cry
of the deer, or the blowing of a porpoise, and the mea-
sured dash of our oars, as we swept along, sometimes
on the surface of a broad river, with bright green trees
on each side, and black-faced monkeys chattering in
the branches; at others, in some lateral creek, where
the boughs almost brushed our deck.
There is something solemnly impressive in such a
scene, which seems truly to speak in majestic tones of
the power and greatness of the Creator. Such a scene
in the howling wilderness carries the imagination back
to that primeval period when man was not on this earth,
when shipless seas broke on voiceless shores, and the
mammoth and the mastodon roamed undisturbed amongst
its silent forests and lonely retreats.
Occasionally a Mugh or Arracanese boat, of peculiar
construction, with its broad-faced crew and banks of
oars, laden with bees' wax, ivory, &c., glided by, or a
raft, heavily laden with piles of wood or charcoal for the
Calcutta market, swept past us, a momentary relief to
the death-like loneliness of the place : the wood they
carry is cut and collected by a particular class of men,
who pursue their perilous trade in these jungles.
Sometimes, too, the continuity of the forest was
broken by a cleared patch, and piles of timber ready
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 139
for lading; or the hut of one those religious devotees
or fakeers, whose austerity acquires for them the respect
of the ignorant and superstitious boatmen, whom, by
their charms and incantations, they profess to insure
from assaults of the alligator and the tiger. Boatmen,
however, and even fakeers, are continually carried off;
but as superstition always counts the hits, and never
reckons the misses, a few favourable predictions sets all
to rights again.
At one of these fakeer stations, we made a halt, and
a more wretched locality for a man to take up his abode
in imagination can scarcely picture. A small spot of
about half a quarter of an acre, was cleared from the
forest, and in the centre of it was a fragile hut of thatch
and bamboo, which a puff of wind might have blown
away ; a tapering bamboo, with a small red pennon, rose
above it, and a little clay durgah for prayer adjoined, to
indicate the sacred calling of the lonely occupant.
As we brought to, the fakeer came down to the boat,
and was most respectfully received by the crew. He was
an aged man, withered up like a potsherd, and smeared
with dust and ashes ; his long, grizzled, and matted beard
swept his breast, and a tiger skin was thrown over his
shoulders ; he held a long stick in one hand, on which
he supported his bent, decrepid form, whilst in the other
he carried a dried gourd- shell, or calibash, to receive the
contributions of the boatmen.
Here was a Trappist of the East, submitting to every
danger and privation from motives somewhat similar to
those which actuate the ascetic order all the world over
motives which we cannot but respect, however mistaken
we may deem them.
Bidding adieu to this recluse of the woods, we once
more pursued our course to the eastward, and after nearly
a day's rowing, changed it to the north, following the
line of one of the many rivers which, spreading out as
they approach the sea in various lateral directions in the
Sunderbunds, form that intricate maze.
140 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
In a little time, the forest became less dense, and a
few miles more brought us again into the cleared and
cultivated country. Our eyes once more rested with
pleasure upon the green rice-fields, the patch of sugar-
cane, the cluster of coco-nuts, and the busy haunts of
men.
" Well, Mr. Gernon," said Augustus, " I suppose you
are not sorry to be nearly at the end of your voyage.
" No," I replied ; " though I have been greatly inter-
ested by the wild scene through which we passed. But
how far are we now from the Junglesoor factory ? "
"Not far," said my friend; "please God we'll sup
at my house to-night. There, look ! " said he ; " do
you see yonder white building, and the thick cluster of
trees ; overhanging it. at the turn of the river ? "
"I do."
"Well, that's one of my out-factories; there I've
ordered some of my people to be in waiting with horses,
or an elephant, to take us on to my shop, which is about
six miles inland."
"An elephant ! " I ejaculated, as I mentally rubbed my
hands.
The boatman plied their oars with redoubled vigour,
their cheerful songs and shouts bespeaking that buoyancy
of heart which an approach to " home " ever inspires
amongst all mankind.
We now neared the white building, which proved to
be a small temple, crowning a little ghaut or flight of
steps, running down to the water's edge, backed by some-
thing like an old ruined fort or factory, overshaded by
masses of foliage of the banyan and peepul trees, grow-
ing out of fissures of the walls.
On the crest of the ghaut stood an elephant capari-
soned with his bright red jhoul and howdah* fanning
himself with the branch of a tree ; hard by him were a
couple of horses, saddled, and held by their syces or
grooms, each of whom bore a hog-spear ; whilst near and
* Jhoul, housings ; howdah, seat.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 141
around, groups of villagers, factory servants, and followers
of Mr. Augustus, in various picturesque costumes and
attitudes, some squatting in masses, some standing, others
reclining on the steps or abutments of the ghaut, were
all impatiently awaiting the arrival of the boat.
These groups, backed by the ruined walls, the massive
banyan with its twining roots, and a little sort of bunga-
low, or summer-house, on the projecting bastion, which
stood out in strong relief against the evening sky, all
constituted, when viewed in the mellow sunlight of the
rich Claude-like repose of the hour, a scene well worthy
of the pencil of a Daniell.
The boat moored, a lively meeting and embracing took
place between those on board and their friends at the fac-
tory, for the Indians, I have observed, though in some
thing apathetic, are remarkably affectionate to their
relatives.
Augustus himself now stepped ashore with all the dig-
nity of a monarch returning from exile to his dominions,
amidst the bows and prostrations of his rejoicing sub-
jects. Great were the salaamings, and manifold the signs
of life, which his arrival caused in the group. The syces
tightened the girths of the horses ; two stately grey-
hounds rose from a recumbent posture, whilst a
couple of little pepper and mustard terriers ran yelping
and wagging their tails to greet their master ; the mahout
dug his ankous, or goad, into the elephant's head, to
rouse him from his drowsy state of abstraction, exciting
a loud trumpeting scream, as he drove down towards the
boat. The gomastah, or manager, a Bengalee, in flow-
ing muslin robes, now advanced with dignified salaam,
and made a report of how things had gone on in his ab-
sence, whilst a Portuguese, of the complexion of char-
coal, with a battered hat and white jacket, named Alfonso
da Silva, also had a great deal to say touching the recent
operations connected with the manufacture of his master's
indigo.
" Now, Mr. Gernon," said Augustus, " these matters
142 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
settled, which are you for, a gallop, or a ride on the
elephant ? take your choice."
" Oh ! the elephant," said I, " hy all means. I have
never ridden on one, and long to be on that noble
fellow, who looks like a moving mountain."
" Then," said my kind-hearted host, " let us mount.
I see they have put the guns in the howdah, and we may
have a shot at something as we go along. I must give you
a lesson in shooting off an elephant, which is no easy
matter to a young hand. Here, hauthee laou (' bring the
elephant')."
Another dig and another startling blast, and the levi-
athan was alongside of us.
" Buth ! luth ?" said the driver, and down knelt the
docile beast to receive us.
The coolie, or attendant, now applied the ladder, to his
side ; Augustus ascended, and I followed him. Here,
then, was one of my Oriental day-dreams realized, and I
fairly boxed up on c( the elephant and castle."
'Tis a fine thing to be mounted on a gallant charger,
to spurn the sod, and, catching all his fire, to feel your-
self " every inch" a hero ; or to dash away in a brave
ship over the blue billows with a spanking breeze, as
free as the winds that propel you ; but I doubt if even
they can impart such sensations as you experience when
towering aloft on the back of an elephant, nine feet high,
moving, with majestic and stately stride, through palmy
scenes of orient beauty, you find yourself raised far
above the humble pedestrian, and taking in the whole
country as with an eagle glance.
We now started at a good, swinging pace, followed by
the horses, whilst sundry burkundazes and peons, with
spears and staves, trotted on nimbly before, clearing the
way of the boys, cows, village pariar dogs, and idlers.
Thus we wound through the village, and soon entered on
the open country, which for the most part was perfectly
flat, and bounded by villages and topes of mango trees.
Here and there the land rose a little, forming a sort of
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 143
rough pastures, on which herds of the black slouching
buffaloes were feeding, mingled with small white Benga-
lee cows and bullocks, their bells tinkling, and tended by
herdsmen enveloped in blanket sort of hoods, with long
sticks over their shoulders.
We had not proceeded far on the plain, when a horse-
man appeared in the distance, approaching us at a hand
gallop.
"Halloo ! " said Augustus, " here comes my neighbour
and brother planter, Mons. De la Chasse, as funny, but
as good a fellow as ever breathed. I hope you have a
tolerable command of countenance, for you'll require it
when you hear our friend's English."
By this time Mons. De la Chasse was sufficiently near
for me to distinguish the Gaul in every lineament. He
was a long and gaunt man, with the face of a vieux
mousquetaire, wore a white solah hat, with a vast ampli-
tude of brim, a white jacket, and long military boots.
His horse was a large hatchet-faced animal, of a cream
colour, with a swish tail, which, however, bore him along
over bush and jungle in capital style. As he approached
brandishing a hog-spear, he rather brought to my mind
the picture of a Spanish bull -fighter.
" Velcome ! velcome ! goot friend ; glad to see you
back," said he, riding up, and waving his hand as he
wheeled his horse about " You look ver well by Jhobs."
" Thankyee, thankyee, Monsieur ; all's right with me,
but what have you been doing in this part of the
world ? "
" Oh, de old vay. Ve have had de jodge down, and
one of his amis, abote some cochery affairs; had him
out for a day after de hogue ; killed two, tree one old
boar give fine sport ver fine ; near kill us though, by
Jhobs ; ha ! ha ! but who that wid you, Capsicome ? "
" Oh ! a young friend of my father's come to see how
we carry on the war down here. Let me introduce him
to you Gernon, Mons. De la Chasse, &c."
" Appi see you amongst us, Sare. By de vay, I not
144 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
tell a-you I have had 'noder kick ope with dat Bobbery-
gunge talookdar : d m fellow, his bulloke spoil twenty
beegah my plant. I shall him have ope to de jodge, by
Jhobs he is a a a (casting about for a suitable ex-
pression, and setting his teeth) a frightful shackass."
This moved my risibles, in spite of a gentle poke
from Augustus's elbow, and a reproving look compounded
of gravity and laughter. Fortunately, at this juncture,
a dismal yell broke on our ears, and we perceived ahead
of us, slinking across the plain, two animals somewhat
larger than foxes.
" What are they ? " I asked.
" Oh ! a couple of jackals," said my companion.
" Would you like to see a run ? "
I eagerly expressed my assent.
" De la Chasse," said Mr. Augustus, " take a gallop
after those jackals ; our friend here wants to see a hunt."
" Oh ! ay, ve'll stir dem ope," said the light-hearted
Frenchman, who, like his countrymen in general, seemed
ready for any thing that promised excitement. " Choor-
da khoota choorda ! " ( " let loose the dogs, let loose " ) he
shouted, and in a moment the greyhounds were slipped.
" Hark away ! " shouted Augustus ; the Gaul gave
the View halloo, and after the jackals darted the beauti-
ful animals; their bodies undulating like serpents as they
eniulously strove to pass each other. The small dogs
followed in full cry, and my matur, or master of the
hounds, not to be outdone, and justly anxious for the
reputation of his charges, drew the cords of the bull-
dog and Teazer, lustily cheering them on.
After killing the jackals, which was soon effected, we
regained the road, and in half an hour reached the
Junglesoor factory. The residence was a square build-
ing of one story, surrounded by a terrace and covered
verandah ; on one side was a large garden, filled with
orange and other trees. Further back were groves of
bamboo, mango, &c., intermingled with buildings, vats,
stables, &o.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 145
We dismounted, and Augustus invited the Frenchman
to come in and sup ; but he declined, pleading a neces-
sity for returning home; but he added, "Ven vil you
come take your luck-pote vid me ? "
" Ha ! ha ! ha ! pot-luck, I suppose you mean, Mon-
sieur ? "
",Yais, to be sure," said the good-natured French-
man ; " but I put de horse before de cart only. What
you mean, you dam Capsicome, by laugh at me ? " said
he, poking at him with the butt-end of his hog-spear.
After other good-humoured passes between them, it
was arranged that La Chasse was to come over the day
after the ensuing, to breakfast, make a day of it, and
"hunt ope de hogue," and he was to bring a friend.
I now entered with my companion, and proceeded
to the dining-room. We found the candles lighted and
every preparation for a comfortable meal. We had a
roast goose, curry-fish, prawns, &c., to which we did
ample justice ; a cool bottle of claret was then pro-
duced ; Augustus changed his boots for slippers, cocked
his legs on the table, ordered his hookha, and another for
the purpose of initiating me, and we were soon in that
blissful state, compounded of overflowing health, light
hearts, moderate fatigue, and a delightful sense of reple-
tion, when the heart expands, and all the better feelings
of our nature predominate. I have always thought,
though an inversion of the orthodox rule, that the first
and most effectual step towards making men good is to
make them happy.
The following day was devoted by Augustus to repose
and domestic arrangements things having fallen a little
into arrear during his absence. In the course of the
morning, however, he took me round his estate, showed
me his garden, his stables, and his farm-yard ; also his
indigo-vats, his drying-houses, &c. ; whilst exhibiting
the latter, he explained to me the process of manufactur-
ing the dye.
The morrow at length arrived, the sun rose in splen-
L
146 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
dour, the weather for the season (the beginning of Oc-
tober) was breezy 'and cool, and all things seemed to
wear a propitious aspect, and to promise a delightful
day's sport. In a short time, De la Chasse arrived, ac-
companied by a square, tight-built little man, named
Tupper, who had recently (as is not unfrequent in India)
changed his berth of mate of a country ship for that of
an Indigo planter's assistant.
An abundant breakfast duly despatched, there was a
buckling of spurs, a slinging of brandy-bottles, an
examination of hog-spears, and other preliminary move-
ments for the foray. Outside, too, was a great muster of
Augustus's retainers, coolies or factory men, real "blue
demons," in almost Paradisaic costume, with long sticks,
or latees, over their shoulders, wherewith to beat the
jungles.
Augustus now vaulted on his Arab, a beautiful creature,
with a high reputation, as I was told, as a hog-hunter
(horses in India enjoy the sport as much as their
masters), and with his spear in hand gave the signal for
departure. Out marched the whole cavalcade, I mounted
on a sturdy little hill pony, called a tangan, as hard-
mouthed and headstrong a little devil, as I afterwards
discovered tp my cost, as ever tumbled a griffin.
Each of us hunters was armed with a spear, whilst
spare ones were carried by the syces. The spear used
in this sport, by the way, is a very formidable weapon.
The shaft is about seven feet long, the head an elon-
gated heart, or rather leaf-shape, as keen as a razor,
and to aid its murderous effect, the butt-end is loaded
with about a half-pound of lead.
We now wound along, bending our course for the
banks of a river, where wild hogs and other game were
said to abound. Having crossed the plain, we found
ourselves amongst mango groves and woodland, in-
terspersed with scattered huts and small villages, and I
became, by some accident, separated a good distance
from my companions.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 147
In passing the edge of a tope, or mango grove, an
adventure happened, which, though somewhat derogatory
to my dignity in its results, my integrity as a historian
obliges me to relate. A pause in the narrative may,
however, be expedient, in order to give me the requisite
degree of composure.
CHAPTER XIV.
IN passing the grove mentioned in the last chapter, by
the edge of a fosse, or ditch, overgrown with bushes,
and not far from some miserable huts, I thought I heard
a rustling, and reining up my tangan and listening, I
could distinguish the deep bass of a grunter, with the
running treble of sundry little pigs. My heart went pit-
a-pat ; here, thought I, is a glorious discovery ! I shall
be the first to rouse the grizzly monster from his lair,
and launch a spear at him. I wished, however, to be
sure, and listened again 'twas a palpable grunt.
" Yoicks ! tally-ho ! " shouted I, waving my hat, as a
signal for my friends to come up and share in the
anticipated sport.
Roused by my voice, and a stone cast into the ditch
by my syce, an unclean beast of large dimensions, black
and mangy, issued therefrom, and, rather leisurely, I
thought, for a wild boar, jogged across the open space,
followed by a tribe of young ones. Now then, Frank
Gernon, I mentally exclaimed, gird up the loins of thy
resolution, and prepare for desperate deeds.
Thus internally soliloquizing, I slacked my rein, put
spurs to my tangan, and, spear in hand, rode furiously
at him. La Mancha's knight did not charge his
windmill more valiantly. I pushed him hard, but he
kept ahead, dodging, joltering, and grunting, and for the
life of me I could not place myself in a position to give
him the coup de grace. At length, by vigorously urging
L 2
148 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
my beast, I found myself alongside ; my arm was raised ;
the glittering javelin poised with as direful a presage as
that of one of Homer's heroes ; already in imagination
my burnished point had searched out the seat of life,
and I saw the crimson tide distilling from the wound ; I
rose to deal the mighty stroke, when snap went the
stirrup-leather, away flew my spear, and I, and not the
hog, incontinently bit the dust. Yes, down I came, a
thundering thump.
Painful was the revulsion of feeling I never felt
more foolish in my life. Away went pig and tangan
and so they might, for aught I cared whilst I, like a
dying gladiator, lay prone on the earth, applying vigorous
friction to my shoulder. In a few seconds, my com-
panions rode up, to my confusion, convulsed with
laughter, which they vainly strove to repress.
" You're not hurt, I hope, Gernon ? " said my host,
endeavouring to compose his features into a look of
commiseration (a dead failure, by-the-bye).
" No, not much," said I, writhing with pain ; " nothing
to speak of. It was that confounded rotten stirrup; but
I should not have cared, had I speared the hog."
Upon this, there was another volcano of laughter. I
felt annoyed, and begged to know, fiercely, what they
found so amusing in a friend's nearly breaking his neck.
" Oh, my good ami," exclaimed the Frenchman, " you
most pardonnez but ha! ha! ha! you ave hunt the
village pig, ha! ha! ha! and not the viJd hogue. Oh,
mon Dieu, je vais mourir oh ! oh ! "
" Yes," added Augustus, " oh ! oh ! oh ! you really
must excuse us, Gernon, he ! he ! he ! for laughing a
little at your grifimish mistake ; indeed, you have been
chasing a villager ; but you are not the first that has
made such a blunder. Come," he continued, " here's
your steed ; mount once more, and we'll show you some
real sport. I see you are game to the backbone, and
will prove a staunch hog-hunter."
I was mortified at my blunder, but this piece of
MEMOIES OF A GEIFFIN. 149
flattery acted as a cataplasm to my wounded spirit ; so
I thought it best to join in the laugh against myself,
and remounting my tangan, and re-adjusting the stirrup,
we once more continued our route.
After crossing a bare plain, we found ourselves on the
banks of the river, covered for miles with a belt of grass
and long reeds. The beaters were now put in, and
dismal yelling and shouting commenced. In a few
minutes the cry of sewer, sewer I ("hog, hog!") arose
from many voices ; the reeds ahead waved and rustled,
and in a moment a tremendous boar burst from the
cover, and bore right away across the hard plain, towards
the cultivation.
Away went Augustus in gallant style, with a yell or
war-whoop that made the welkin ring. The second
mate joined chase right before the wind; my little hard-
mouthed Punch stuck down his head, laid back his
ears, and, unbidden, followed next, keenly alive to the
sport, though I had a hard matter to manage him and
my long spear to boot ; and in a moment more the
Frenchman thundered past, with brandished spear and
horse tight in hand.
"Ha! ha !" said he, as he passed me, "now you vill
see de death of de veritable vild hogue."
Augustus gained on the boar, who, with his milk-
white tusks, bristly back, and sidelong look, presented a
most formidable aspect, and was evidently an ugly
customer. The planter pushed him closely, and, in
passing, delivered his spear with such effect, that it stuck
bolt upright in the back of the boar, who nevertheless
continued his onward course, as if spitted for the feast.
It was now the turn of De la Chasse ; up he came, and
in capital style delivered his spear with &coup de theatre
just behind the shoulder, wheeled round his horse with a
*' ha ! ha ! " and the monster rolled over and over. He
was a magnificent boar, with a hock like a bullock's,
terrific tusks, and such a neck of brawn ! e'en such a
-brute as one sees Madame Diana flying after, bare-
150 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
legged, in an old tapestry, or playing pitch and toss with
a score of dogs in one of Snyder's noble pictures. But
'twas all up with him now; his little blood-shot eyes
were half-closed, his tongue was out, and all his sinews
and muscles were stiffened in death.
" ' Tis ver fine hogue,"J said the Frenchman, look-
ing up, after contemplating him for some minutes in
mute delight, and pulling} out his gory spear, buried two
feet deep in the shoulder ; "hut I give him dat last poke
ver well, eh ! hy Jhobs ? "
" Yes, you certainly finished him in very sportsman-
like style, Monsieur," replied Augustus ; " I thought he
would have charged me as I delivered my spear, and am
glad he did not, for with those tusks of his, gentlemen,
he would have been an ugly customer, and have left his
mark on my gallant Kustum and me. But come, we
will try up the river again."
The legs of the boar were now tied, a pole was thrust
through them, the huge animal was hoisted on the
shoulders of four of the coolies, and borne along with us.
The beaters now once more advanced, latees waved,
the shouts were renewed, and in a few minutes there was
a cry of some animal, when a creature of the deer kind,
of a slate colour and clumsy shape, bolted from the
reeds, and with an awkward up and down sort of move-
ment, made across the plain.
"A hog-deer," shouted Mr. Tupper; and with arms
and legs working like a mannikin's, spurred after him, the
rest of party following.
The hog-deer have little speed or bottom, so he was
soon overtaken and killed casting up a piteous look, as
Augustus, who on this occasion gave the Frenchman the
go-by, drove his keen spear into him.
After the death of the deer, we all by acclamation
voted an adjournment to a neighbouring shady tree;
there dismounting, and throwing ourselves on the ground,
we commenced a vigorous attack on the cold meat and
pale ale, chatting, joking, laughing, and masticating, at
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 151
one and the same time, The game was laid out before
us, in order that we might feast our eyes on that, at the
same time that we gratified our palates.
The lunch fairly discussed, I was surprised to see a
servant hand a small hookha, or kulian, covered with
silver chains, and emitting a delicious odour, to Augustus.
Upon my honour, I mentally exclaimed, you indigo
gentlemen seem to have a good notion of comfort. Mr.
Augustus wiped the- mouth-piece with his thumb and
finger, put it between his lips, and emitting an elaborate
whiff of a yard and a half long, slowly leaned his back
against the trunk of the tree, half-closed his eyes, and
exhibited the most perfect appearance of unalloyed
sublunary bliss I have ever beheld. After half an hour's
rest, and partaking of the kulian, which was generously
passed round by our friend, we arose, and prepared for a
renewal of the campaign.
In this we were as successful as in the commencement
of the day. Three more small hogs were killed ; on one
of which, after sundry abortive attempts, and one or two
imminent risks of unshipment, I fleshed my maiden
spear a feat marked by such uncommon skill and unique
adroitness on my part, that I made it the leading subject
of conversation for a month afterwards.
Our sport over, and man and beast fairly exhausted,
we now bent our course towards home, wending our way
over the plain we had crossed in the morning. We four
cavaliers, our spears over our shoulders, mounted on our
steeds of various statures, led the way ; then came
straggling attendants, lagging heavily along ; and lastly,
the goodly show of game, slung on poles, and borne on
the shoulders of coolies, brought up the rear.
The cavalcade, the game, the wild track of reeds, the
distant masses of wood topped with the coco-nut and
betel-palm, all seen in the streaming light of the
setting sun struggling through the evening's haze, would
have made a fine subject for that prince of animal
painters, Landseer.
152 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
A pleasant meal at my friend's house closed this my
first day's hog-hunting in India. I had become a mighty
hunter at once, and stood two inches higher whenever the
feats I had witnessed crossed my mind ; the feeling of
exultation would have been unalloyed indeed, but for the
adventure of that cursed village-pig.
The supper was capital, and, ye powers that preside
over gastronomy, how we did eat ! It is a fortunate
dispensation of Providence that all men are not hog-
hunters, or frequent famine would be the inevitable
result. Augustus was pleasant, the Frenchman loqua-
cious, Mr. Tupper had much to say, and the hogs were,
at a moderate computation, slain over again half a dozen
times at least before supper was ended.
Amonst other subjects incidentally discussed, was that
of several dacoities, or gang-robberies, lately committed
in the neighbourhood, attended with great atrocities.
This part of Bengal had long been famous, or rather
infamous, for these plunderers, who, led on by their
chiefs, the Robin Hoods of India, were a terror to the
country. The bands move about, at times levying con-
tributions from the inhabitants, in numbers often suffici-
ently great to enable them to defy the police, which is,
or was, very inefficient their leaders are great despera-
does.
" I hear," said Augustus, " that Ramsunker has been
plundering in this neighbourhood, and swears he will pay
me a visit one of these days ; but let him come, and we'll
endeavour to give him a warn reception."
De la Chasse and Tupper said they should like no-
thing better than a skirmish with the banditti, and
begged that Augustus would send off an express for
them if the aforesaid Ramsunker should ever make his
appearance at the Junglesoor Factory.
Augustus promised to do so, saying that he should
be equally ready to attend their summons if they were
first selected for plunder; in short, a treaty of alliance,
offensive and defensive, was then and there struck ; after
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 153
which the high contracting parties, becoming full of
Bacchus, sung several songs, disputed, quarrelled, hecarae
maudlin, wept, swore everlasting friendship, and retired
to rest.
Besides that one to which the permanent residence
was attached, Mr. Augustus had several out-laying fac-
tories, which he visited from time to time, to superintend
the manufacture of his indigo ; at all of these he had
little bungalows, or temporary abodes, where we tiffed
and passed the heat of the day.
We were one morning at the factory on the river,
where I have stated that we first landed, quietly smoking
in the little turret, or summer-house, when a great hub-
bub below, and the noise of people running, saluted our
ears. Mr. Augustus rose hastily, and ran out to see
what was the matter, I following him, at the same time
despatching a servant to ascertain the cause of the up-
roar. He soon returned, and stated that a youth had
just been carried oft' from the ghaut by an alligator,
which had snapped him up whilst in the act of washing
his cloth or dhotee.
Excited by this account, we posted off to the ghaut,
where a clamorous crowd was collected, many of them
looking and pointing towards the centre of the river.
On inquiry, we learnt that the alligator was there, play-
ing with his victim ; and, casting our eyes to the middle
of the stream, there, sure enough, in the centre of the
rapid current, his long jagged tail rising above and occa-
sionally lashing the surface, was the monster, tossing and
shaking the lifeless body of the poor black boy, and
amusing himself as a cat does with a mouse before she
makes a meal of it. .
Mr. Augustus sent immediately to the bungalow for
his rifle, which soon made its appearance : it was a piece
of the kind called commonly in India a " bone-breaker,"
and carrying a weighty ball, eight or ten to the pound.
Having loaded it, he took a deliberate aim at the alli-
tor.
154 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
I waited in breathless suspense for the result bang
went the rifle, and the ball dashed up the spray within a
foot of the creature's head, and, then went ricochetting
over the expanse of water.
" A close shave," said Augustus ; "but come, we'll try
him again."
Once more the rifle was loaded and fired, but on this
occasion with more success, a dull, lumpish sound telling
that the ball had taken effect. It requires, however,
ordinarily, many balls to kill an alligator; but down
sunk the head of the monster, his long serrated tail wav-
ing in air as he descended to the depths of the river,
like a sinking warrior flourishing his broken brand.
This fellow, it appeared, had long been carrying on
his depredations in this part of the river, and the boat-
men and fishermen determined at last to make an attempt
to capture him ; this they next day effected in the usual
way by dragging the bottom with hooks.
We slept at the out-factory of Gurrialpore that night,
and were agreeably surprised the next morning, shortly
after breakfast, by a man running in to inform us that
the alligator had been captured, and that the muchwas,
or fishermen, were then in the act of towing him on
shore. We immediately proceeded to the river's brink,
and there, sure enough, we observed two dingies, or
canoes, fast approaching, and lashed closely side by
side.
As they came near, we perceived that the alligator was
between them, well secured, his head above the water
and projecting in front between the prows, and his long
tail laving in the wake behind ; in his huge jaws was a
stout stick, well belayed with a cord above and below ;
in short, bridled and bitted for any gentleman who, like
the adventurous Mr. Waterton, might have felt disposed
to take a ride upon him, which, not being particular, and
preferring a horse myself, I certainly felt no inclination
to do.
On the boats touching the shore, we stepped on board,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 155
and looking between them, found the space, a breadth
of a foot or two, occupied by the horny and rugged back
of their prize, into which were wedged the barbed heads
of some half a dozen small iron harpoons, with cords
attached in the manner I have mentioned in a former
chapter.
By dint of ropes and bamboo poles, the natives, who
showed themselves wonderfully adroit at the business,
soon had him on the shelving bank, when my host
proceeded very deliberately to put ball after ball through
his head, to the number of four or five.
This, for any description of landsman, would have
been more than enough; but, as I before observed, an
alligator is an inordinate glutton in the way of punish-
ment, and requires much to give him his quietus. How-
ever, he was considerably damaged, no doubt suffi-
ciently so to admit of his being easily thrown on his
back, care being still taken to prevent his doing mis-
chief, by the pressure of long bamboo poles on his
body and tail.
One of the muchwas now, with a sharp axe, or some
such instrument, proceeded to cut him open, and having
done so, he removed the intestines as completely as the
cook does those of a fish preparatory to consigning it
to the frying-pan.
Mr. Augustus now gave the order to remove the
"pressure from without," which was accordingly done,
when, strange to relate, but nevertheless perfectly true,
the unkillahle monster sprang bodily up, recovered his
natural position, and lashing his tremendous tail right
and left, made both the dust and the crowd to fly, the
latter skipping off nimbly, and giving him what sailors
term a wide berth. Thus he continued to lash his tail
and move his liberated jaws for some time after, though
unable to stir from the spot.
This extraordinary tenacity of life is common to all
reptiles and cold-blooded creatures, though not in all
to an equal degree ; it is very remarkable in the turtle
156 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
of the Indian rivers, which I have known to scuttle off
to the water minus their heads, when cut off by the
enraged jriscator, as the shortest way of getting the
hooks out of their mouths.
As I watched the dying throes of the alligator, after
so long resisting all attempts to extinguish his vital
spark, under every circumstance of advantage to his as-
sailants, I could not help feeling in all its length and
breadth the utter state of impotency to which the lord
of the creation man would be reduced, however well
supplied with weapons, offensive and defensive, when
once fairly grappled by him in his native element.
Humiliating thought !
A post mortem examination of the alligator showed
us Mr. Augustus's ball firmly wedged into the thick part
of the tail ; and an analysis of the contents of the
stomach brought to light two legs, half an arm, and
sundry rings and silver bangles, which had once adorned
the slender limbs of some hapless village maiden.
Having now gratified our curiosity, and performed our
duty to the public, the inquest broke up verdict, of
course, " justifiable alligatricide" and we returned
home.
One morning, a few days after this the most eventful,
as will be seen in the sequel, which had occurred to me
since I had trodden Indian ground we were seated at
table after breakfast, my host drowsily smoking his hook-
ha and conning the Calcutta paper, I concocting a de-
spatch for home, when suddenly a confused and distant
noise was heard, including the rapid beat of a doog-
doogie, or small native drum.
My host laid down his paper and listened; for a
moment it died away, then again rose on the wind ; there
was a hubbub of voices of flying footsteps and lastly,
of one or two dropping shots.
" By heavens ! there's something wrong," said Augus-
tus, half-rising from his chair, and still intently listening.
" Quon hye ? " (' who waits ? ')
MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN. 157
The words were scarcely uttered, when, wild with alarm,
a servant rushed in, followed by one or two others, ex-
claiming, in almost frantic tones, " Sahib ! sahib ! dacha!
dacha ! "
My host turned pale, started from his chair, and
rapidly interrogated the affrighted men, who answered
him all clamorously at once, and with the most animated
gesticulations.
" In the name of all that's good," said I, thunder-
struck at the scene, " what on earth is the matter ? "
"Matter! my dear fellow, the dacoits that's all; the
robbers are upon us ; we must defend our lives ; there is
not a moment to be lost."
The plot now began to thicken : three burkundauzes
rushed in, with a confirmation of the intelligence that
Kamsunker and his gang were close at hand, bent on
fulfilling their recent threats, and that they had already
plundered two or three neighbouring hamlets.
Not an instant was wasted ; the doors were banged to
and bolted in a trice, bars laid across, and some heavy
boxes piled up against them. Guns, pistols, and hog-
spears were put in requisition ; the burkundauzes loaded
their matchlocks and blew their matches, and the whole of
us immediately ascended to the flat roof, determined to
defend the fortress.
Having gained this position, the next point was to
reconnoitre the force of the enemy, and the posture of
affairs outside.
A low parapet wall, some three feet high, encompassed
the flat roof of the planter's mansion ; and over this last,
sheltering as much of our persons as possible, we cast
our eyes in the direction of the mass of bamboo and
other foliage, amongst which the indigo vats and other
out-buildings were principally situated.
All there was ominously still, except that, every now
and then, a factory coolie, like a startled hare, would
burst forth from his concealment, and with looks of terror,
fly across the opposite rice-fields.
158 MEMOIES OF A GKIFFIN.
The vat-houses, &c., had now, it was clear, been aban-
doned by all the planter's followers, and were in posses-
sion of the dacoits, who were probably rifling them.
Of this we had speedy confirmation, by perceiving three
or four dark, undersized figures, almost naked, and armed
with swords and spears, creep cautiously out and cast
furtive glances towards the house.
" There they are," said Augustus : " those are some of
the rascals preparing, no doubt, to make an assault upon
us. Well, we must give them a warm reception. I wish
with all my heart we had De la Chasse with us ; but how
to communicate with him and the distant police station,
surrounded as we are, I know not. However/' he added,
"he cannot fail sooner or later, to learn our situation
from some of the runaways. Here, Gernon," said he,
handing me a double gun, " here is something for you ;
now do your best, like a valiant knight, and win your
spurs."
Here, thought I, is a pretty adventure ! I shall in-
evitably be figuring in a return of killed and wounded,
without ever having joined a regiment. Call you this a
party of pleasure, i'faith ? I had soliloquized to this ex-
tent, when a little white cloud of smoke puffed itself
forth from the brightly verdant screen formed by the
drooping bamboo hedge, followed by the whistling of a
matchlock ball within a few feet of my pericranium.
To tell the truth, this music had no particular charms
for me ; though, when " honour pricked me on," I could
listen to it awhile, buoyed up by visions of glory,
promotion, prize-money, and so forth, as well as
another.
On hearing the whine of this ragged missile. I instinc-
tively bobbed my head a shade lower than the parapet
wall : this little involuntary working of the conservative
principle, however, was speedily succeeded by an energetic
display of its opposite, as by an active rebound up I started,
presented my gun, and dropped shots one, two quick
as thought, into the spot from which the cloud of smoke
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 159
had yet hardly disappeared; how many I killed, I can't
say.
Augustus also fired; and immediately, as if roused by
our daring, a numerous band of some 200 or 300 dacoits,
as ill-looking a set of fellows as I ever beheld, armed
with swords, spears, and a rusty matchlock or two
swarmed forth from their places of concealment, rushed
down upon the house with a frightful yelling, sprung
upon the terrace, and endeavoured to force the doors.
These, however, though rather fragile, as Indian doors
generally are, were sufficient for the moment to resist
their efforts.
Our garrison replied by loud shouts of defiance, which,
with a volley from the guns and matchlocks, sent them,
to our astonishment, to the right-about, and they again
sought shelter amongst the trees, carrying off two or
three wounded.
I congratulated Mr. Augustus on their unexpected
retreat, expressing a hope that we had seen the last of
them, for the disparity of force went far towards diminish-
ing the liveliness of the joke.
" Ah ! " said my friend, " I would not have you halloo
before you're out of the wood, or draw precipitate con-
clusions ; I know the villains too well ; they have plenty
of pluck, and are now, depend on it, going to make sure
of us in some way attended with less risk to themselves."
We now listened, and soon heard the sound of axes in
the wood, followed by the crash of falling bamboos.
" What can they now be at ? " said I.
" I suspect," replied Augustus, " that they intend to
scale the house, and are making ladders of bamboo for
the purpose."
Some conversation with the native garrison tended
fully to confirm this view of the matter, and 200 or 300
to eight or ten are overwhelming odds.
" I fear," said the planter, " we must beat a parley,
unless immediately relieved by De la Chasse or the
thannah folks, and make the best terms we can for our-
160 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
selves, or they will scale the roof, massacre us all in a
trice, and then plunder the place. What is your idea of
the matter, Gernon ? "
" Oh," said I, " I'm for fighting as long as there's a
fair chance; hut if there's none, as I've no wish to
' adorn a tale ' by figuring in a massacre, I vote with you
that we give in, provided they grant us an honourable
capitulation."
As we were thus speaking, a servant exclaimed that a
man was advancing from the wood where the dacoits were
carrying on their operations : he was unarmed, and made
a sign that he had something to communicate. One of
our intelligent burkundauzes hailed and asked him what
he wanted.
The reply, as explained to me, was, that he had a
message from his sirdar, or chief, the redoubtable Kam-
sunker, to deliver to the sahib.
He was told to advance with confidence, that he would
be admitted to deliver his message, and that no harm
would be done to him. On the promise of safe-conduct,
the herald came forward, nowise distrustful, and was
forthwith admitted.
He was a middle-sized but wiry and athletic fellow,
intensely black, half-naked, with matted hair, small,
loosely-twisted turban, and a broad untanned leathern belt
over his shoulder.
Being asked by Mr. Augustus what he had to say or
propose, he replied, that he was sent by his sirdar to
state that he was now making ladders, with which he
would in a few minutes scale the house at all points, and
put every soul to death, unless his terms were at once
complied with : these were the immediate payment of
Es. 300, upon which he would at once draw off his
band, and give no further molestation to any one.
The indigo planter, finding further resistance would be
useless; and knowing that these dacoits, on the principle
of honour amongst rogues, were men of their word,
fulfilling every engagement, whether to rob and murder,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 161
or abstain, with scrupulous fidelity, determined on acceding
to their terms ; this he intimated to the little plenipo,
who thereat made a salaam, grinned horribly a ghastly
smile, and returned to report to his superior the success
of his mission.
To be brief, there was an immediate stir in the grove,
and presently the chief, as sinister-looking a villain as I
ever beheld, came forward to about the middle of the
open space fronting the house, accompanied by a body
of some ten or twelve of his followers.
Mr. Augustus gave him a bag containing the Es. 300,
for which he made an obeisance, and then wheeling
about, he rejoined his band, who, after several loud
shouts, moved off with their plunder, and without offer-
ing us any further annoyance.
" Well," said Mr. Augustus, shaking me by the hand,
"how do you find yourself, after being stormed and
besieged ? a pretty piece of business this, eh ? You
little thought of witnessing such an adventure, I'll be
sworn, when you came down to sport at the Junglesoor
Factory. This was not the shooting you expected."
" I did not, indeed," said I ; " however, I think we
have saved our honour, and our bodies are certainly
intact, albeit you have lost your rupees."
" That's true," said my friend ; " but I should still like
to give the rascals a trouncing and recover the spolia
opima, and will try it, if De la Chasse and the police
make their appearance before they have got a long start
of us."
This was scarcely said when we heard the sound of
horses' hoofs, and in a moment De la Chasse and Tupper,
in breathless haste, came spurring up to the house. The
former threw himself from the saddle, and in a moment
had us by the hands.
" My goot Capsicome ! my dear young friend ! are
you all a live? all well? Dat's goot; thank God
thank God ! I hear you vas beseiged by dis raskal
dacoit ; so Tupper and me, ve mount our 'orse, ride off
162 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
to the tarmah for de police dey vill be here directly,
tarmahdar and all, little and pig. But come, tell me
vraiment all vat was happen vere are dey? who have
dey kill ? vat have dey rob ? vere are dey gone ?
Come tell it all, for I am dam impashant to know all/'
" It is soon told, Monsieur," said Augustus. " Ram-
sunker and 300 of his men attacked us; we stood one
assault, capitulated, and paid Rs. 300, black-mail, to get
out of the scrape."
" Black male ! vat de devil's black male ? you mean,
I suppose, you pay Us. 300 to de black males I not
suppose you pay to de black females."
Augustus laughed, and explained.
"Veil, veil, you did your best; de grand Napoleon
himself vas obleege to yield to numbers; 300 to ten is
too moch. But," added he, " I do hope ve may yet catch
dis dacoit, get de money back, and give dem goot trash-
ing beside ; dere is 100 of de police, and twenty or thirty
more of us vat say you ? "
" Just what I was proposing to our young friend here,
as you came up ; undoubtedly, let us try ; but there's
no time to be lost, if we would wish to succeed, for
they have already a considerable start of us."
The proposal, indeed, was generally relished; the
horses were ordered to be saddled ; each of us armed
himself in some way or other, and in a few minutes
more, the portly thannahdar, or head of the police, as
burly a fellow as Shakspeare's fat knight, mounted on a
rat of a pony, made his appearance at the head of a
numerous body, some 80 or 100, of the neighbouring
police, drawn from several stations.
Mr. Augustus intimated to the thannahdar his deter-
mination to pursue the dacoits, so soon as his followers
had slightly refreshed themselves, of which, after the dis-
tance they had come, they evidently stood in need. This
the thannahdar intimated to his men ; some of whom
began to smoke in little knots or groups, squatting on
their hams ; others drank water, which they drew in their
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 163
brazen lotas from a neighbouring well ; whilst others
unfolded little stores of rice, or parched gram, tied up
in corners of their vestments, and set to daintily picking
and eating the same. Poor prog to fight upon, thought
I, holding as I do that the stomach, and not the heart,
is the seat of valour.
All the above was mingled with an incessant gabble
touching the recent event, with a plentiful outpouring
of abuse on the female relations of the aforesaid dacoits.
The police refreshed, off started our little army in pur-
suit of the enemy, who we calculated could not be many
miles off, the four Europeans (if Augustus may be in-
cluded under that denomination) and the thannahdar
the cavalry of the division taking the lead, whilst the
police peons the infantry principally armed with spears
and tulwars, brought up the rear.
As we advanced, we learnt from the villagers that the
body of the dacoits (too large to move unobserved) had
proceeded in the direction of a certain ferry on the river.
Thither we bent our course, and learnt from the ferry
people that they had recently crossed and were close at
hand. The remainder of the adventure I shall sum up
in a few words.
The dacoits were soon overtaken ; like Csesar, we
came, and saw would I could add, we conquered ! but
in that, the most essential point, the parallel with the
great Roman's despatch unhappily fails.
On approaching the dingy array of the dacoits, they
halted and showed a bold front. Augustus and De la
Chasse marshalled their men, and addressed what were
intended for some spirit-stirring exhortations to them.
Tupper and I took the flanks, and doubtless felt (I can
speak for myself) rather queer.
We advanced; the dacoits, sword and spear in hand,
came forward doggedly to meet us our line wavered
in vain we screamed and exhorted ; the dacoits dashed
in cut down three or four; sauce qui pent was the
word, and away flew our men over the plain. After a
M 2
164 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
little irregular cutting and slashing, we followed, and
with difficulty saved ourselves by the speed of our cattle.
I will leave the reader to imagine the rage of Mr.
Augustus, the vehement pestes and sacres of the Gaul,
and the downright straightforward abuse of the stiff
little mate, elicited by this shameful misbehaviour of our
troops ; the censures, reports, &c., arising out of it ; and
the uneasiness felt, after we had got back to the factory,
of another visit from the exasperated Ramsunker. For-
tunately, however, he came not ; and from fugitives and
others we learn that, satisfied with putting us to the rout,
he had made off with his gang and booty to a distant
part of the country.
All this, of course, formed matter for animated dis-
cussion and commentary amongst us four at the factory,
De la Chasse and his friend remaining for a couple of
days to afford us their countenance and protection. We
had a very merry time of it shooting and boating iii
the day, and a rubber of whist or a song at night.*
CHAPTER XV.
I HAD now been about twelve days a visitor with my
hospitable friend, the indigo planter a period, as the
reader has seen, fertile in events when I began to
think of returning, and a letter or two which I received
served to hasten my departure. One was from an old
friend and schoolfellow, Tom Rattleton, a good deal my
senior, and whom I had not seen or heard of for four or
five years. It ran thus :
MY DEAR FRANK,
It was by the merest chance that I heard from a Cap-
tain Marpeet, who has been staying here, in his way up, of
* The attack on the factory is an actual occurrence, and took place as
described in all the essential particulars. The relator has been on the
spot, and had the details from the principal actor in the scene.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 165
your arrival in India. How I missed seeing your " well-
known " name in the papers or General Orders I really
cannot imagine. Marpeet says, you only want a little
more of his tuition to become a ne plus ultra in short,
I must not tell half the handsome things he has said of
you ; but in all I could not fail to recognize, clearly and
distinctly, my old class-mate and companion of the third
form.
How I long, my dear fellow, to have a good dish of
chat with you about school-days, and all the fun and
frolic we have had together in times past ! Do you recol-
lect lame Tomkins, the pieman, and your unsuccessful
attempt to prove to him, synthetically and dialectically,
that long credit and great gains were preferable, as a
mercantile principle, to small profits and quick returns,
to which logic many an empty pocket sent forth, doubt-
less, a confirmatory echo ? But oh, that stony-hearted
man ! Orpheus himself could not have moved him no
eloquence, no wiles nought but the tpsa pecunia, the
money's chink,
My regiment has lately arrived here from Berhampore.
I have been for some time out of my griffinage, and
though but a "jolly ensign," like yourself, and not very
deep in the mysteries of the Hindee Bolee, have lately
obtained the command of a company we being rather
deficient in old hands. This works me a good deal, but
I like my new powers, and if I could but understand the
fellows, I should get on famously.
I have a small bungalow near the river, and am com-
fortable enough, all things considered, so you must come
and spend a month with me at least. Why not get to do
duty with our regiment at once ? it can be easily man-
aged. I hope you enjoy life amongst the " True Blues "
in the Mofussil. I have had some experience of them
myself, and a kinder-hearted and more hospitable set of
fellows, taking them in a body, does not exist.
Give me a few lines to say on what day I may expect
you here, and I will ride out and meet you (if you dawk
166 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
it) and have breakfast ready. So for the present adieu
au revoir.
Your friend and school- fellow,
T. BATTLETON.
P.S. By-the-bye, do you recollect your changing old
Thwackem's digestive pill, daily deposited at the corner
of his desk, for a pea rolled in flour (or a bolus of your
own manufacture), and how unsuspectingly the old boy
would gulp it down, preparatory to locking up his cane
and descending from his awful elevation ? Many a good
laugh I've had at this piece of friponnerie of yours.
This letter delighted me, and Mr. Capsicum, to whom
I read it, seemed also a good deal amused. I felt an
intense longing to see my friend Tom again, and in fact
fell into such a fidgetty and excited state, that I could
take an interest in nothing. Old Time, instead of flying,
seemed to me all of a sudden to have lost the power of
locomotion altogether. Rattleton and I were the Castor
and Pollux of the school, sworn brothers backers and
abettors of each other in all fights, scrapes, and difficul-
ties, of which we generally had quantum suff. on hand.
School was truly a black passage in my life, in which
the happiness was to the misery in about the proportion
of honest Jack FalstafFs bread to his quantum of Sherris
sack.
"Ah, chien de livre, tu ne me f era plus repandre de
pleurs ! " exclaimed the enraged Scipio of Le Sage, as
he wreaked his vengeance on the " maudite grammaire"
the passive instrument of all his sufferings.
I can too well understand the feelings which actuated,
on this occasion, the little son of the honest usher of St.
Hermandad, for never to this day do I enter a school-
room, or my eye light on a grammar, dictionary, or other
buff-coloured associate of the long-past days of my
pupilage, but a host of painful and degrading recollec-
tions rush on my mind, of the hundred thwackings, con-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 167
finings, mortifications, of which they were the proximate
cause, as nauseous to the feelings as the remembrance of
a hlack dose, or James's powder, " grating harsh music "
through its envelopment of black-currant jelly. And
as I look at a pedagogue, I have such a lively idea of a
caning, that I am glad to get out of his way.
The young mind may, in truth, be likened to the notes
of an instrument, from which a harmonious result can
only be extracted by the hand of a master, acquainted
with their respective powers; whilst a bungler may
thump away at them to the end of the chapter, and
nothing but discord, or the instrument irretrievably put
out of tune, will be the consequence. In fact, the art
of developing, governing and improving "the young
idea," the most important of all, is yet in its infancy,
particularly as regards the moral training.
But to curb my erratic vein, and proceed with my
narrative.
A period having been fixed for my departure, Mr. Au-
gustus asked me in what manner I proposed to return.
I told him, that was a matter I had not considered, but
that I should be entirely guided by him.
" Well," said he,* " there's the boat you came in at
your service ; but the Sunderbunds are round-about, and
I'd strongly recommend your going by dawk ; you'll find
it pleasanter, as you're alone, and you'll reach your des-
tination much sooner."
" Very well," I replied, " let it be so ; but may I ask
what mode of transport this said dawk is of which I
have heard such frequent mention made 'tisn't any
sort of animal, is it ? "
" Animal ! " exclaimed my friend in astonishment,
and laughing heartily, " why you are a greater grifh'n
than I took you for : this beats your spearing the vil-
lage pig. A dawk is a relay of bearers at stages of
ten or twelve miles apart, to carry you, at the rate of
four or five miles an hour, to your journey's end."
" Thank you," said I, " for the information ; but not
168 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
possessing intuitive knowledge, you see, one can't be
expected to know all things until told of them."
Augustus admitted that there was reason in the ob-
servation.
Well, it was decided that I was to proceed to Bar-
rackpore on the second night after the day on which
this conversation took place ; so I wrote at once to my
friend Tom, to tell him that he might expect me im-
mediately.
The last day of my stay, De la Chasse and hisjidtts
Achates dined with us, and we all appeared depressed
at the prospect of separation, for our short acquaintance
had already ripened into a friendly feeling.
Like towns in an ill-governed country, where, owing
to the absence of sound laws and honest administrators
of them, every one is afraid of his neighbour, hearts,
in artificial England, are too often petty fortresses, in
which pride, caution, and suspicion are incessantly on
the watch to guard against surprise, and to break down
these barriers and effect a lodgment is frequently the
work of years; but in India, amongst Anglo-Indians,
the case is reversed ; the gates are thrown wide open,
and intimacies and cordial (though, perhaps, not always
lasting) feelings are generally the result of a few day's
acquaintance.
Both extremes are bad, as all extremes are ; but it is
indubitably far pleasanter to live amongst those, the ap-
proaches to whose confidence and kindness are supinely,
rather than too rigorously guarded ; the one system, 'tis
my belief, shuts out more good than the other admits of
evil.
" Sahib, ka daktiar liyr" said a servant entering the
apartment some time after dark, on the day of which I
am speaking.
"Gernon," observed Mr. Augustus, "the best of
friends must part : your palankeen is ready outside, and
only waits your orders."
I arose, walked to the terrace, and there was my equip-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 169
age. The sentimental St. Pierre, with all the accuracy
of a Frenchman, thus describes the equipage of his
truth-seeking doctor, who, if as subject to blundering as
himself, might have been a long time in discovering that
valuable treasure.
" The Company's superintendent of Calcutta furnished
the doctor with everything necessary for Ms journey to
Juggernauth, consisting of a palankeen, the curtains of
which were of crimson silk, wrought with gold ; two
relays, of four each, of stout coolies or bearers ; two
common porters; a water-bearer; a juglet-bearer, for
his refreshment; a pipe-bearer; an umbrella-bearer, to
shade him from the sun ; a nuslogee (!) or torch-bearer,
for the night ; a wood-cutter ; two cooks ; two camels and
their leaders, to carry his provisions and luggage ; two
pioneers, to announce his approach ; four sepoys, mounted
upon Persian horses, to escort him ; and a standard-
bearer, bearing the arms of England !"
I, being no philosopher, and bound on a less import-
ant mission, could pretend to none of this splendour;
my turn-out consisted of a palankeen, eight or ten cahars
or bearers (for in my time, whatever may have been the
case in the doctor's, it was not usual to carry the palan-
keens upon coolies) ; a banghy, or two baskets, contain-
ing my immediate necessaries, slung on an elastic
bamboo; and a mussaulchee, or link-bearer; the torch
carried by the latter being formed of rags rolled about
an iron spindle, and looking something like a bandaged
stump.
I thought there would have been no end to the hand-
shaking and last " adieus," with the repeated injunctions
not to forget that I should always find a knife and fork
and a hearty welcome at the Junglesoor Factory,
At last, however, I " broke away," as the fox-hunters
say, I believe, and threw myself into the palankeen ; the
bearers, with a groan, lifted their burthen on their
shoulders; the mussaulchee poured oil on his link from
its long-spouted receptacle, which, flaring up, brought
170 MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN.
out the whole scene, house, trees, and congregated group
on the terrace, with a wild and spectral glare. I waved
my hand, half-closed the doors of my palankeen, threw
myself back: the curtain had dropped on act the
second of my griffinage, and I was soon on my journey
to Barrackpore.
On we went, through the murky gloom of night, dis-
pelled for fifty yards around by the glare of the mussaul ;
sometimes on a fair and beaten track, at others, splashing
through wet rice-fields, or traversing with infinite caution
some causeway or embankment, as perilous as the bridge
of Al Sirat.
The monotonous Urree-hy -he-haw chant of the bearers
soon sent me off into a doze, from which I was only
aroused occasionally by blundering attempts to put me
and my palankeen on board a boat, in crossing some lazy
river, on which occasions, the torch-light, the red glare
on the water, and the dark figures on board, would bring
old Charon and his Stygian ferry to my imagination ; or
the disturbance arose when they set me down, not over
gently, on the skirts of some village or thannah, pre-
paratory to a change of bearers.
At the end of the first stage, one of my active bipeds
opened the doors of my palankeen, popped in his greasy
frontispiece, reeking with oil and perspiration, and, with
a grin, said something I did not understand, but in which
the word buckshish (presents) was remarkably distinct.
" Go to the d 1," exclaimed I ; " boxes, no sumjha*
boxes."
My friend now tried it on another tack, and, placing
the finger of one hand in the palm of the other, with a
knowing look, repeated the word " rupee."
Oh, thought I, are you there ? I see your drift ; but,
knowing they had already been paid, I abruptly closed
the doors and the conversation at once, with thundering
" Jow-jehanum I "f a phrase I had picked up (without
* i. e., understand.
f Jow-jehanum ; a peremptory injunction to proceed to a place which
it is not usual to mention to " ears polite."
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 171
knowing the precise meaning of it) from Capt. Marpeet,
who, in his intercourse with the natives, made frequent
use of it, as a sort of receipt in full.
I passed the greater part of the following day with a
planter on the road, a friend of Mr. Capsicum's, and
started again in the evening.
The fresh air of the morn aroused me after my second
nocturnal journey, and I looked out. We were in a rich,
flat, and luxuriant country ; all nature seemed smiling ;
the ryot was moving out to his work, and ruddy streaks
appeared through the tall, tufted stems of coco-nut and
taree-palms, blushing Aurora truly looking out of the
barred casements of the East.
I calculated that I must now be nearly at the end of
my journey ; and this supposition was, in a few minutes,
most agreeably confirmed by a young officer, in
a red raggie and hunting-cap, riding up on a pony,
and addressing a few words to my bearers in Hindo-
stanee.
I looked hard at him, and in an instant recognized the
well-known features of my schoolfellow, Tom Rattleton.
The recognition was mutual, and electrical the effect;
out I rolled, sans chapeau ; off he tumbled from his
tattoo, and we were soon locked in a close embrace
aye, I say in a close embrace ; true affection, like true
courage, is a desperate grappling affair, and a mere hand-
shaking would have been high treason to the feelings which
at that moment swelled our bosoms.
" My dear Frank ! "
"My dear Tom !"
" How glad I am to see you ! "
" How you are grown ! but I should have known you
anywhere, old fellow."
" So should I you, old boy."
"Well eh and how goes it ?"
Thus we exploded a volley of queries and interjections,
which escaped by fitful jerks, like water from bottles
suddenly inverted. There was no acting here, but a
172 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
hearty burst of honest nature fresh as the morning air
we were breathing.
The warmth of our greeting a little subsided, I re-
sumed my recumbent position in the palankeen, and on
went the bearers, jolting along at a rattling pace, having
apparently caught all our animation, with revived hopes
of " buckshish'' Eattleton trotted alongside, talking
incessantly, and in a short time the military cantonment
of Barrackpore broke in view.
We crossed the parade, where all was life and anima-
tion ; soldiers drilling, recruits on one leg doing, the
goose-step, drums beating, drill-sergeants shouting, and
bugles sounding.
We passed through the lines, thronged with sepoys in
their graceful undress, and were soon at my friend's
bungalow, in "which, after dismissing my bearers, I
entered to take up my quarters. Eattleton gave me
another shake, as if he had been working a pump handle
and cordially bidding me welcome.
A certain writer, who laid the scene of a romance in
India, when not quite so well known as at present,
describes our hero, I have been told, as sailing in a
bungalow on the broad and placid surface of the Ganges,
which, by a slight geographical error, is made to traverse
the vale of Kashmere. Now, though I give my reader
credit for knowing something more of the matter than
this, a slight description of a bungalow may not be un-
acceptable, nevertheless.
The houses occupied by Europeans in India are of
two descriptions ; the pucka house havilee, or kottee
and the bungalow. The former of brick or stone, is
flat roofed, and, excepting in Calcutta, almost always of
one story ; *. e. the rooms are all on the ground floor,
though considerably raised from the ground ; they have
green Venetian windows, and are encompassed, wholly
or partially, by a terrace, covered with cement, shaded
by a verandah or awning.
The bungalow partakes more of the cottage, or, I
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 173
should perhaps rather say, the barn, being, in nineteen
cases out of twenty, covered with a ponderous thatch,
requiring frequent renewal, the operations of the white
ants and periodical rains soon converting it into a cake
of mud, through which pactolean rills frequently find
their way to the interior, meandering down the walls.
The bungalow is invariably of one story, and con-
structed on the principle of a single or double-poled
tent, or routie, according to the size ; the resemblance
to tents occupied by officers is indeed striking, though
which is the original and which the copy I cannot say.
It has usually double walls, though in some cases that
which answers to the outer is little more than a range of
pillars.
The space between, called the verandah, is occupied
by master's palankeen, camp equipage, &c. ; there, too,
the bearers, or cahars, lie and snore during the sultry
hours, till roused from their slumbers by a kick from
master's foot ; there, too, the patient dirgee, or snip, sits
cross-legged, hard at work on the beebee sahib's ball-
dress, or the sahib's nether garments, which he holds on
with his great toe and the next one to it with all the
skill of the Order Quadrumana, to the astonishment of
the griffinish beholder.
Talk of our " light fantastic toes," indeed ; what are
they to a black fellow's, adorned, too, with a fine silver
great-toe-ring to boot ! Mais revenons. The ceilings,
instead of lath and plaster, are composed of coarse cotton
cloth, whitewashed, and tied with numerous tags or
strings to a framework of bamboo running round the
apartment, and concealed from view by the projecting
cornice ; between this and the rafters is a dark void,
the airy hall of the rats and bandicoots, who some-
times hold their soirees dansantes and conversazione in
it, careering over the cloth with lively and varied squeak-
ings. Purdahs, chicks (blinds), and jhamps (frames
of straw and bamboo), and sometimes glass doors, serve
to close the entrances; the latter are, indeed, pretty
174 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
common, except at very uncivilized and out-of-the-way
stations.
Furniture harbours reptiles and is expensive to carry
about; officers 'bungalows are, consequently, but slenderly
supplied with moveables. A couch, one or two tables,
half-a-dozen chairs, a book-shelf, a settrinjie (or
cotton carpet, with blue and white stripes, and which also
serves for the tent when marching), and a few wall-shades
&c., generally constitute the adornments of an Indian
officer's residence.
In the abodes of civilians, whose lots are cast in
pleasanter places, and who lead less erratic lives than the
military, and have far longer purses, things approximate
more nearly to the English standard of luxury and com-
fort.
At military stations, puckha flat-roofed houses are
rare, and generally occupied by the general commanding,
or some other exalted functionary in the receipt of large
allowances.
My friend's bungalow was a regular Indian sub's abode,
and fell wofully below my standard of comfort, though
in his opinion, formed on more experienced views of
Indian life, it was quite as it should be.
In the first place, the grand salon, or salle a man-
ger, contained one square camp-table, two chairs and
a half, a footstool of basket work, in the shape of a
devil (the thing played with two sticks, I mean) ; his
hog-spear and gun occupied one corner, and hard by
hung suspended his library ; not quite so large as the
Bodleian, to be sure, but containing, nevertheless, some
very good cut-and-come-again sort of books.
First, there was a family Gibbon, properly docked
and curtailed, a present from his grandmother; Gil-
christ's Grammar ; Williamson's Vade Mecum, and
Taplin's Farriery ; the Tota Ktihanee* Mother Glass's
Cookery, and a ponderous tome, which I at first took
for a Family Bible with explanatory notes, but which
* Tales of a Parrot.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 175
turned out to be an abridgment of the rules and regu-
lations of the Bengal army, monuments of the legislative
skill of all the commanders-in- chief and governors-
general from the time of Olive downwards.
Tom's dormitory was still more scantily furnished : it
contained a small camp-cot, on which, much at its ease,
reposed a terrier bunnow own brother to Teazer, I could
have sworn a chair, a washhand stand, or chillumchee, a
cracked looking-glass, two camel trunks, and as many
pataras ; whilst on a peg hung what he sometimes jocu-
larly termed his badges of slavery to wit, a sword, a
sash, and shoulder-belt.
The third apartment in the bungalow, small and bare,
was assigned to me, and Rattleton good-naturedly sent a
servant off to the fort to bring up the things I had left
there in &paunchway.
After showing me the interior, we proceeded to the
shady side of the bungalow, where, on a terrace, stood
a chair, a tea-poy, a small carpet, and other prepara-
tions for my friend's second toilet. After parade or the
morning's ride, it is the invariable custom to dress again,
an operation which, in the hot seasons, is repeated some-
times two or three times in the course of the day.
We should be rather surprised to see gentlemen in
England sitting al fresco on the lawns, barring a short
pair of drawers, as naked as gladiators ; but, as I said
before, the sun makes a very considerable difference in
our perceptions of things in general.
Prior to dressing, it is usual to take a bath, which is
effected by the bhistees (water-carrier's) sluicing over
you the frigid contents of a mussack, or tanned sheep-
skin bag. This braces the whole system, and adds a
fresh edge to the appetite, already sharpened by the ride
in the morning air. Breakfast is, consequently, attacked
with a degree of vigour and determination not often seen
even in our hyperborean clime.
After a comfortable meal, and disposing of a vast
quantity of fish, rice, and muffin?, Ratlleton cocked his
176 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
legs on the table, bade me do the same, and make myself
quite at home. The pipeman brought the hookha, and
the bearer pulled the punka, and we proceeded to discuss
a plan of proceeding for the morning.
" In the first place, we must call on the colonel this
morning," said Rattleton ; " he is a very good sort of
man, takes matters easily, and patronizes me especially,
but is rather tenacious of having proper respect paid to
him ; then, after that, I'll introduce you to the general,
and some of the other officers of the corps and station,
and in the evening we'll drive you out in the park, where
you'll see all the beauty and fashion of Barrackpore.
By the way, Frank, there are some devilish nice spins just
now here, which, perhaps, you'll not be sorry to hear."
" Certainly not," I replied ; " but I hope, Tom, you're
not thinking of committing matrimony just yet, are
you ? "
" Why, I don't exactly know," said Tom ; " there's a
very sweet little girl here, who has made a sad hole in my
heart ; such a pair of eyes as she has oh ! Frank but
you'll see. I have made a hundred resolutions against
being spliced, but one glance of those death-dealing orbs
sends them all to shivers in a minute. I am like a moth
fiitting about a candle, and shall go plump into the mis-
chief at last, I see that very plainly. Perhaps, though,
Frank, as you are not a bad looking fellow, you may
keep down or divert a little of the fire of that terrible
artillery."
" Why, I don't know," said I, laughing ; " it is not so
easy to create a diversion in these cases, and not over
safe ; besides, who knows, if successful, but that the fire
of your love may be changed into that of jealousy, and
that you may be opening another sort of battery on me !
But seriously, I can feel for you, Tom, for already my
poor heart has been amazingly riddled by a charming
young lady we left at Madras, and more recently by a
widow. Ton my life, I begin to think the Orientals do
wisely in locking up their women."
gt(iH!e&!t*g^
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 177
" I begin to think so too," said Tom, with a sigh :
" they do a confounded deal of mischief; at all events,
those radiant and Mokannah-visaged dames should be
closely veiled with good opaque stuff, as you muzzle
dangerous dogs."
" What a simile, Tom ! But your plan would be of
no avail ; a mere masking of the battery, which, upon
fit occasions, would open upon us with more deadly
effect."
Whilst we were thus chatting, the blind of the room
was drawn aside, and Cherby Khan and Loll Sing (which
translated mean " the fat lord" and "the red lion"), the
subadar and lance-naick or corporal of my friend's com-
pany, marched in to make their morning's report.
A native of Hindostan, well off in the world, and with
a mind at ease, fattens as regularly and surely as a pig
or a stall-fed ox. The subadar was consequently a
punchy, adipose little fellow, something of the cut and
build of " Mon oncle Gil Perez" The naick, on the
contrary, was tall and spare, and a very proper and hand-
some man of his inches.
On entering (stiff as a ramrod), the little subadar,
who showed a good civic rotundity in front, threw out
his right arm horizontally, with a jerk, which might have
almost dislocated it from the shoulder-joint, and then
bringing up his hand to his cap, saluted in a most mili-
tary style, and reported that " all was well," " sub ucha"
in the company of the " Gurreeb Purwar" or " protec-
tor of the poor," for so he designated my friend Tom.
This was the statement in the gross, with which, how-
ever, it appeared there was little correspondence in the
items ; these proved, I afterwards understood from Tom,
to be two men dead, five gone to hospital, three deserted,
a musket lost, and sundry other mishaps.
The "red lion" now stepped briskly forward, as if
going to knock Tom down ; recovered his arms with
a crack, which made me almost jump out of my
chair, and proceeded at once to '' unfold a tale " of
N
178 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
considerable length, to which my friend replied, "UcJia"*
and " Bhote khoob,"-\- though it was pretty clear, from
his perplexed look and embarrassed air, that he did not
understand one-third of it. In point of fact, the afore-
said statement was evidently one which involved some
knotty point for "the protector of the poor's" decision,
and requiring something more tangible in the way of
comment than the aforesaid " Bhote khoob"
My friend, however, dismissed him with a " Peechee
hookum" " orders deferred," a sort of " call again to-
morrow ' phrase, much used in India, when time is sought
to be gained. Another salute from the subadar, another
formidable crack of the fusee from Loll Sing, and both
wheeled on their heels, and exeunt. " Buggy lou
juldee" ("bring quick the gig"), " Jal kreech do"
(and "give me my sash and sword"), shouted Kat-
tleton.
A sort of whiskey, which my friend sported on his
ensign's pay, was soon at the door. He was duly
equipped, and in we both stepped, and drove off to the
bungalow of Colonel Lollsaug, the commandant of my
friend's regiment, which I shall call the 95th N.I., or
" Zubberdust Bullumteers"
We were ushered in, and found the colonel smoking
his hookha, with a sneaker of cold tea before him, a
sort of prolongation of the breakfast almost universal in
India. He rose as we entered, and shook hands with
Tom, who presented me as his friend recently arrived.
The colonel was a gaunt figure of six feet two, or
thereabouts, with sallow sunken cheeks, and two little
tufts of grizzled whisker near the corner of his mouth ;
he was dressed in a not uncommon morning dishabille,
consisting simply of a shirt and red camlet jacket, a
pair of immense pajammas, or native trousers, tied
with a silken string at the waist, whilst an immense pair
of spangled Indian slippers, with curly toes as long as
rams' horns, adorned his feet; an embroidered velvet
* "Well." f "Very well."
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 179
scull-cap was perched on the top of his head : and
altogether he was as striking a specimen of the epicene
gender of the Orientalized European as I had as yet
seen.
The colonel asked me if I had recently arrived ? how
I liked India ? what the folks were doing at home ? if
St. Paul's stood where it used to do ? and sundry other
questions of a like nature, to all of which I gave suit-
able replies.
Rattleton told him we were old schoolfellows, and that
I had a strong desire to do duty with his corps for a
month, if it could be so arranged. The colonel kindly
undertook to manage the matter, and told Tom to introduce
me to the adjutant, who would have me instructed in the
drill, and manual and platoon, with some other young
men then with the regiment.
The colonel now asked my friend if he had been at
the grand ball an evening or two before, and how it
went off?
Tom said he had, and they had a very pleasant even-
ing, second supper, lots of dancing, and some good
songs, and that there were strong suspicions that the
general was a little "fou."
" Well," said the colonel; "that's all right, but was
she there ? "
" Who, sir ? " asked my friend, very innocently.
" Come, come, that won't do, Mr. Slyboots," said the
colonel ; " I know all about it ; ha ! ha ! ha ! "
" Ton my honour, sir," said Rattleton, blushing, " you
are too enigmatical for me."
" Capital," said the colonel, who was in a bantering
humour ; " why, Prattle tells me it's all settled, license
written for, and that you are going to cart her* immedi-
ately ha ! ha ! ha ! "
I saw, of course, that all this had reference to the
spinster with the fine eyes. Though my friend affected
* A strong phrase for driving a lady out in a buggy ; in India, looked
upon as symptomatic of an approaching matrimonial crisis.
N 2
180 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
ignorance of the matter, he was evidently flattered hy
being made the subject of such an agreeable on dit.
Whilst this was going on, I was startled and surprised
by seeing the head of a very pretty Indian lady, with
jet black locks, large gazelle eyes, and a huge gold ring
in her nose, pop from behind the purdah, or curtain, and
the owner of which exclaimed, at the top of a very shrill
voice, " Urree Dhyya Paundaunneelou."*
The colonel said something rather sharply.
" To vau," pettishly exclaimed the apparition, and the
head and a pretty he-ringed hand were withdrawn, and
immediately from an opposite door an elderly black
duenna, with a pair of wrinkled trousers, or pajammas,
and half-concealed by a cowl-like sort of muslin robe,
marched in a stately manner, sans certmonie, her anklet
bells jingling, right across the apartment, with a huge
metal box under her arm, which I afterwards learnt was
a betel-box, and which it seems was the article which the
colonel's sultana stood in need of.
Egad, thinks I to myself, they order things in the
East rather differently from what they do in the West.
After a little more conversation we took our leave,
having previously received an invitation to dine the next
evening with the quaint commandant.
CHAPTER XVI.
THE space to which I have limited myself in these
Memoirs will not admit a minute account of all I saw,
heard, said, and did, during my month's sojourn at
Barrackpore ; it will, therefore, suffice if I touch lightly
on a few prominent characters and occurrences illustrative
of Indian life, during this period of my griffinage.
" Tom," said I, as we left the colonel's bungalow, " do
tell me who that fine dark damsel was, with the ring in her
nose, of whom we had a glimpse from behind the curtain."
* Oh ! nurse, bring the Paun box.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 181
" Why, that's the native commandant/' said Tom.
" Nonsense/' said I ; " what do you mean ? "
" Why, I mean that the colonel commands the regi-
ment, and she commands the colonel."
" Ha ! ha ! well, that's made out logically enough,
certainly ; but in that way I suspect you'd have no
difficulty in proving a peticoatocracy all the world over :
man, good easy soul, fancies himself a free agent, puffs
and struts, and is but a puppet after all, of which woman
pulls the strings, and yet these provoking creatures are
always complaining of want of power and due influence."
" Well done, Frank ; ably put, my boy. I see you're
as great an inductive philosopher as ever; it's a true
bill though ; the strongest fortress, too, has its weak
points. There's the colonel, for example, a deeply-read
man, understands everything, from metaphysics to a red
herring ; will touch you off a page of Xenophon, or a
chapter of Sanscrit, with perfect ease ; a man who has
thought and read, and read and thought, in that For-
tunatus' cap and those curly-toed slippers of his, for the
last thirty years, in all the leisure of camp and out-sta-
tion, fort and jungle ; brave as a lion, generous as a
prince, and in most matters firm as a rock ; and yet that
little Delilah can wheedle and wind him round her finger
as she pleases. She makes half the promotions in the
regiment, I am told ; and no one better than blacky
understands the value of back-stairs influence, and the
mode of working it successfully. But by all accounts
these are the men who square best with Jack Sepoy's
notions of a proper commander; these are the men whom
they would go to the devil to serve ; who know how to
treat them in their own way, and not your pipe-clay, rigid
disciplinarians, who would utterly extinguish the native
in the soldier, who make fine troops for a parade, butbad
ones for the tug of war, or when their loyalty is assailed.
It's splendid to hear the colonel talk to the Jacks ; he
understands them thoroughly ; can make them roar with
laughter, or shake in their shoes, as he pleases ; true it
182 MEMOIES OF A GRIFFIN.
is, if you would govern men effectually, it must be
through the medium of their peculiar feelings and pre-
judices, and not by taking the bull by the horns."
As he said this, we drove into a pretty extensive com-
pound, and drew up before a large puckha-house, with a
bevy of servants and orderlies in the verandah ; this was
the residence of the general commanding, to whom I was
presented in due form.
Tom next took me to the adjutant's, and the rest of
his brother-officers, of whom he promised to give me
some account on a future occasion, and then we went
home to tiffin.
In the evening we had a delightful ride in the Go-
vernor- General's park, and as we wheeled along through
its mazy rounds, saw all the beau monde of Barrackpore,
as also my friend's innamorata, with whom we had some
very lively conversation, as we drove slowly alongside
the barouche in which, with a party, she was taking the
air.
Having visited the menagerie in the park, stirred up
the tigers, and plagued the monkeys a little, we drove to
Colonel Lollsaug's.
The colonel gave us an excellent dinner, wine admir-
ably cooled, foaming pale ale India's prime luxury
and some capital home-fed mutton. There were five or
six officers present, and the conversation, which was
unrestrained and agreeable, turned upon old recollections
of former stations ; on the prospect of promotion and
war or rather war and promotion, for such is their natural
order; and gave me a greater insight into what was
passing in the Indian military world than I had yet
enjoyed.
Being young, and a griffin, I thought it was better for
me to listen than to be prominently loquacious ; and it
was fortunate that I adopted this conclusion, for, amongst
other topics, the extreme forwardness and assurance of
the youth of the present i.e. of that day was dis-
cussed with much animation.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 183
" It's too true, I fear," said the colonel ; '' they don't
conduct themselves as the young lads did in my juvenile
days. I remember," said he, with the regretful air of the
laudator temporis acti, " when I was a young man and
first came out, we thought it necessary and proper to
exhibit some little deference and respect to our seniors in
age and rank some reserve and diffidence in our opinions,
not, however, inconsistent with a due degree of firmness
and self-respect; but now, forsooth, your beardless
younker, fresh from school, claps you on the shoulder,
and is hail-fellow-well-met with you in an instant, ex-
hibiting all the confidence of a man of fifty quite
destitute of that master-charm of modesty, which, in
man or woman, takes so powerful a hold on the affections
and good will."
These observations, though perhaps true in themselves,
I thought a little ill-timed, and not wholly consistent
with his own proceedings. However, they were cordially
assented to by some of the " old hands " present, par-
ticularly by one ill-dressed, caustic, and slovenly old
captain, named Langneb.
"You're right, colonel, quite right, sir; they're all
major-generals now, sir, at starting; know everything
and care for nobody. There's young Snapper, who
joined us the other day an idle, dissipated young scamp ;
keeps four horses, gives champagne tiffins, and is spend-
ing three times the amount of his pay hailed me only
last night in the park by my surname, sir no prefix, by
George ! no handle, though I haven't spoken to him five
times told me I had got a pretty beast there (meaning
my horse), and asked me for the loan of my buggy to-
morrow ! What do you think of that, sir ? Never met
such a forward, self- sufficient young fellow in all my
life ; but he's going to the dogs as fast as he can."
"I am afraid he is," said another; "but there's some
allowance to be made for him. Thompson, who knows
his family at home, tells me he was brought up by a
doating grandmother, who spoilt him, indulged him to
184 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
the top of his bent, never contradicted money ad libi-
tum things all his own way: hence pride, selfishness,
and an inordinate love of pleasure, the natural results.
Never send your children to be brought up by grand-
mothers ; owing to their unbounded affection, which
passes through the parent as through a lens, they're sure
to spoil them."
A rubber of whist and a game of chess concluded the
evening very pleasantly at the colonel's. At parting, he
told me with great kindness that he hoped soon to see
me on parade, and that he had desired the adjutant to
take me in hand, and give me a little preliminary instruc-
tion.
The next day Eattleton took me another round of
visits to some of the married men of his acquaintance,
many of whom seemed agreeable people, but possessed
of various degrees of refinement; also to the houses of
two or three widow ladies residing at the station, all of
whom had pretty daughters or nieces seeking that which
it was natural and proper they should seek, eligible part-
ners, youthful "John Andersons," with whom to jog up
the hill of life together.
It was abundantly clear, and I soon discovered, that
Rattleton's little affair of the heart had got wind pretty
extensively, for wherever we went he had to run the
gauntlet of banter and sly innuendo in one shape or
another. Like Mr. Dangle, however, with his " volun-
teer fatigue " and " solicited solicitations," he bore it all
very philosophically.
Tom was a handsome fellow, and it was well known
that he was to have the first vacant regimental staff ap-
pointment, his aunt being married to a first cousin of
the Govern or- General's military secretary's second wife's
first husband. Under these circumstances, my friend
ranked as an " eligible," and the old ladies could not
forgive him altogether for passing over the more valid
claims of their daughters and nieces; and the daughters
and nieces, though they endeavoured to conceal their
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 185
chagrin under the guise of a very transparent indiffer-
ference, were evidently not a whit more satisfied with
Mr. Kattleton's presumed election in favour of Miss
Julia Heartwell.
The first widow to whom we paid our respects was
Mrs. Brownstout, the relict of a field officer who had
fallen a victim to jungle fever several years before, and
who was residing in great respectability on her pension at
Barrackpore, as many other widows did and do. She
had lived for some time in England after her husband's
death, but quitted it after a time in disgust, finding both
climate and people too cold to suit the warmth of an
Indian temperament; her frankness startled folks, and
her unreserved expression of opinion was looked upon,
amongst the worldly-wise, as the evidence of a doubtful
sanity.
Of this lady, as one of a class, I must present the
reader with a slight memoir.
Mrs. Brownstout, after the loss of her husband, " her
poor dear Browny," as she always called him, had nobly
set her shoulder to the wheel, and, with all that admir-
able perseverance quickened by a lively sense of duty
and parental affection, which the sex (and none more so
than Indian widows) thus circumstanced so often exhibit,
had fought a stout battle for her children ; for two sons
she had obtained military appointments in India, having
(armed with those potent weapons, the prayers of the
widow and the orphan) laid siege to a good-hearted
director, and carried him by storm, after a feeble show of
resistance on his part ; and for a third she had obtained
the management of an indigo factory.
Of three daughters, one had married a doctor within
hail of the Medical Board, and Lucinda and Maria were
still unmarried, though it was shrewdly suspected they
had no intention to die vestal virgins, if it could be
decently avoided.
Mrs. Major Brownstout was rather dark, and in Abys-
sinia, where bulk and beauty are synonymous, would
186 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
have been considered a remarkably fine woman ; but as
it was, she exceeded the English standard of beauty by
some five or six stone.
Fatness and good-humour are almost invariably found
united, but which is the cause and which the effect
whether fat breeds good-nature or good-nature fat is
one of those profound mysteries of nature which old
Burton might decide, but for which I have in vain sought
a satisfactory solution.
Mrs. Brownstout was quick, penetrating, and possessed
a large fund of that frankness and kindliness of heart
which I have, in the course of my Eastern experience,
almost invariably found to characterize the ladies of
mixed blood in India.
Society full oft, by its folly, oppression, and prejudice,
begets the faults which it affects to hate and despise ;
and the fact of any classes being looked down upon,
which is more or less the case as regards the half-caste
or Eurasian throughout India (though less so in Bengal
than in the sister presidencies), has a depressing ten-
dency, which naturally places individuals of that descrip-
tion in a highly disadvantageous position, deadening the
energies, and preventing that free and natural play and
expansion of the mind and feelings which are ever
the results of knowing that we stand well with the
world.
In spite, however, of these sinister influences (having
the same origin with those which actuate our American
brethren in their conduct to their coloured countrymen,
and which we so loudly condemn), I must bear my
humble testimony in favour of our Eurasian fellow-
subjects, who, far from combining the vices and defects
of both races, as has often been cruelly and flippantly
declared, seem, on the contrary, as far as my experience
goes, from griffinage upwards, to unite with the gentle-
ness, placability, and fidelity of the native many of the
sterling virtues of the European character, though cer-
tainly lacking its strength and energy.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 187
But iron nerves, in which consists the secret of Eng-
lish superiority, require regulation as well as the weak
and more delicate organizations of the East ; for if the
one tends to effeminacy, the other, under the fancied
character of manliness, too often tends to ferocity, and
that one-sided freedom called tyranny. " Call this a
land of freedom where a man mayn't shoot his own nig-
ger ! " said Matthews' Yankee ; and a volume could not
better express that Irish reciprocity of rights which
John and Jonathan are so prone to patronize. But to
return.
This engraftment will probably produce those per-
manent social, moral, and political fruits, which there
from neither European nor native singly could be ex-
pected.
The English greyhound, taken to India, dies, or loses
in time most of his energy and valuable qualities, and
the produce decidedly degenerates; but the cross with
the native dog of that species produces an animal in
which is united the Indianized constitution of the one
with much of the speed and courage of the other.
I am sorry to seek an illustration of my position
amongst the lower order of creation, but it perhaps
holds good.
We found Mrs. Brownstout in the act of explaining
some mystery of dress to a dirgee (tailor), a little
slender ungirdled shrimp, standing, scissors in hand,
amidst a vast accumulation of muslin and ribbon.
One of the young ladies was penning a billet, the other
painting flowers.
"How d'ye do, Rattleton, how d'ye do?" said the
old lady, as we entered, addressing my friend bluntly,
who was evidently one of her "boys." "I can't get
up to you, you see, so talk to the girls."
The young ladies, however, arose, and Tom intro-
duced me to them.
On taking my seat they asked me a few common-place
questions, such as how long I had been in India ? how
188 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
I liked it? if I had lately arrived at Barrackpore ? and
so forth ; to all of which I made suitable replies.
This piece of formality over, the old lady and her
daughters, evidently impatient to unburthen themselves,
opened upon Tom instanter.
" Well, Rattleton," said Mrs. B., drily, " what have you
been doing with yourself lately ? you have become a
perfect stranger. Have you brought us any news ? what
is doing in cantonments ? who is dead" and who is
wed?"
" I know nothing of buryings or weddings," said Tom ;
" they're grave and melancholy subjects, about which I do
not trouble myself."
" Well, indeed ! " retorted Mrs. Brownstout ; " I ad-
mire that amazingly ; we all consider you one of the
greatest gossips of the station."
" Perhaps, mamma," said Miss Lucinda, archly, " Mr.
Rattleton is too much engaged with his own approach-
ing nuptials to think much about those of other people."
" Oh, that's true," said Mrs. B., with mock gravity ;
" they say you are going to get married ; is it true,
Rattleton?"
** Oh, nonsense ! mere Barrackpore gup and scandal;
who could have have told you that ? "
" Oh, we have had it from the very best authority."
Tom laughed.
" Well, Mr. Rattleton, when is it to take place ? " asked
Miss Lucinda, dipping her brush in her pallet, and
touching up her drawing with all the nonchalance
imaginable. " I do so long to know ; and who are to be
the bridesmaids ? I hope Maria or I shall be admitted to
that honour."
" Oh, yes, when I am married, you shall be the brides-
maid, certainly, the lady consenting ; but that event, I
take it, is rather remote. What on earth should a sub
like me do with a wife, who can hardly take care of him-
self?"
Many a true word spoken in jest, Mr. Tom, thought I.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIX. 180
" You'll wait for the vacant interpretership, eh ?" said
the mamma.
" Well, that's right, and like a prudent young man."
" That is an appointment admirably suited for you,
Mr. Kattleton ; you speak the language with such fluency
and purity," observed Miss Lucinda.
" Upon my life," said Tom, " you're a great quiz ; how
long, Miss Maria, is it since your sister became so
satirical ? but as for the language," added Tom, a little
piqued, "I don't think I speak that badly, after all.
Now I appeal to you, Mrs. Brownstout you're a judge,
and will do me justice."
" Why," said Mrs. B., "pretty well pretty well, con-
sidering you're almost a griffin."
" Oh, yes, you speak it like a native of England,"
added Lucinda, laughing.
Tom stood this and a good deal more pretty well,
being evidently accustomed to this badinage with the
Brownstouts. However, three at once were too much,
and I, being a stranger, was inefficient and dummy.
Tom exhausted his stock of repartee; was " beat to a
dead stand-still," to borrow the language of the King
and began, I thought, to look a little grave and cross.
The ladies, consequently, changed the theme, and the
conversation flowed on in a more equable and rational
stream.
At length we arose and took our leave, Mrs. Brown-
stout begging me to come with Tom and pass the even-
ing with them whenever I felt so disposed.
The following day, at eleven, Rattleton and I walked
over to the adjutant's bungalow. I had had two or three
days' law and liberty, and it was intimated to me by Tom
that I must now attend to duty, or expose myself to be
considered one of what are cantly denominated "John
Company's hard bargains."
The adjutant was a good-looking young man, of
five- and-t wen ty, somewhat of an exquisite in dress, with
large Cossack trousers (then the fashion), and long
190 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
brass spurs, which I thought he clanked rather osten-
tatiously.
With all this, however (for the exquisite and the
soldier are not incompatible), Adjutant Wigwell was
evidently a zealous officer, proud of his regiment, and
devoted to drill and duty ; this I had learnt, indeed, from
recent observation and common report.
We found him amidst a bevy of khote havildars (i.e.
pay-sergeants), with the sergeant-major, havildar- major
deeply engaged in the very important matter of re-
gulating the length of a pouch-strap, the number of
holes it should have, and the precise position of the
buckle, and trying the fit of the same on a stalwart
grenadier of some six feet two.
The sergeant-major, a thick- set Englishman, little
more than half the length and twice the breadth of the
gigantic sepoy, was in the act of adjusting it, with the
assistance of the havildar- major, the adjutant's native
right-hand in a sepoy regiment.
Adjutant Wigwell received us kindly, shook me by the
hand, and begged us to be seated and amuse ourselves
till he had dismissed the business he was then attending
to, which would not detain him a moment. This being
over, he asked me if I had ever been drilled, and knew
any thing of the manual and platoon, &c. ; to which
questions I was constrained to reply in the negative.
" Well," said he, smiling, " we must take you in hand
a little, and make a soldier of you. Sergeant-major,"
said he, addressing that sturdy little functionary, stand-
ing in the verandah.
" Sir," said the sergeant, touching his hat, and slip-
ping in.
*' Sergeant Giblett," continued he, " this young gentle-
man, Mr. Gernon, is doing duty with us; he will soon
have to attend all drills and parades ; but, in the
meantime, you must give him a little instruction in
marching, and the manual and platoon, with the other
young officers recently arrived to do duty."
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 191
The sergeant again saluted, and said it should be
atended to.
" Eattleton," said the adjutant, " your men fired badly
yesterday ; how was that ? "
" Why, I believe it was my fault," said Tom ; " I was
nervous, and that confounded gunpowder, the grains as
big as swan-shot, blowing in my face from the men's
pans, made me more so ; however, I must summon my
force next time."
"Do, my dear fellow," said the adjutant ; "the colonel
noticed it, I assure you, and desired me in a friendly way
just to give you a hint."
" He's a noble fellow," said Tom, with warmth, " and I
love him ; I had rather have my cheeks excoriated, and my
eyes damaged in future, than give him cause of complaint."
" Well, that's all as it should be," said Wigwell. " Kat-
tleton, your friend Mr. Gernon had better fall in with
your company at parade ; it may be pleasant for him, and
you, you know," added he with a smile, " can give him
the benefit of your experience."
The next day Tom took me to an unoccupied bunga-
low, near the lines, used for various purposes, in order
that I might have my first lesson in the manual and
platoon.
We found Sergeant Giblett already there, and talking
to several cadets or ensigns, who seemed much amused,
and listening to him attentively. " And that, as near as
1 can kal-ki-late, was when I first jined the army under
his Excellency Lifttennant-Gineral Lord Lake" was,
however, all we caught of the yarn.
Rattleton now introduced me to my brother-aspirants
for military glory beardless tyros, wild as unbroken
colts, and all agog for fun and frolic, in whatever shape
it might present itself.
" You've never had no instruction in the man'il and
plytoon, I think you said, Sir ? " said the sergeant to me,
touching his hat.
" You're quite right ; I did say so."
192 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
" Well then, sir, if you please, as it's the first day,
it'll be jist as well for you to look on."
" Now, gin'lemen," said Sergeant-Major Giblett, dis-
missing at once his countenance of colloquial familiarity,
and assuming the " wrinkled front " of stern duty ;
" now, gin'lemen, if you please we're a-losing of time,
and had better begin. I think you're all here, with the
hexception of Mr. Wildman, and he, I am given to
onderstand, is ill-disposed this morning."
At this speech one of the young hands in the squad
winked to his neighbour, as much as to say, " Twig the
sergeant " he exploded with laughter ; his next file gave
him a jerk or dig with his elbow he lost his balance,
tumbled against his neighbour, and a general derange-
ment of the ranks followed.
" Come, gin'lemen, gin'lemen," said the sergeant, half
angry, " this won't do this won't never do ; if I am to
teach you your man! and plytoon, you must be steady
you must upon my life. Come, tendon," said he,
briskly squaring up, and throwing open his shoulders,
as if determined to proceed to business. " Shoulder !
up ! Order ! up ! Onfix bagganets ! That's all right.
Shoulder! up! That won't do, Mr. Cobbold; you must
catch her up sharper than that. Now, please to look at
me, sir," taking the musket in hand, and doing the thing
secundum artem.
Another half-smothered laugh again disturbed the
little sergeant's self-complacency.
" Oh ! this can't be allowed, gin'lemen. I'll give it up
I'll give it up, I will indeed. I'll report you all to the
adjutant, if this here larking goes on, I will."
This threat had a sedative effect on the disorderly rank
and file, who now looked wonderfully demure, though
with that mock and constrained gravity which threatened
a fresh outbreak on the next elocutionary attempt of the
self-important sergeant.
"Now, gin'lemen, you'll please to observe that, when
I says 'Shoulder!' will you look this way, Mr. Wild-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 193
goose, if you please ? when I says ' Shoulder ! ' you
must each take a firm 'grist' (grasp) of his piece (a
titter) just here, about the middle ; and when I gives
the word 'Up ! ' you must chuck her up sharp. Now,
then. ' Shoulder'! ' ' Grist ' her higher, Mr. Cobbold.
'Up!' That's it."
" D n it, Cobbold, take care what you're at, man,"
exclaimed Cobbold's left-hand man, on getting a crack
on the head from the said Cobbold's awkward shoulder-
ing.
"Order! as you were! What are you doing, sir?
That's not right. When I says 'As you were,' I means
' As you was;' that is, as you was afore rewerting to
your former pisisbion. Eight about face ! That's it.
Now, gin'lemen, when I says ' Left about face,' you'll
please to do jist the same thing, only directly the con-
trary. Steady, gin'lemen, if you please steady ! Now
march in file quick march lock-up step ! "
" Brown, mind where you're treading, man."
" 1) n it, I can't help it ; don't be so savage."
" Mark time ! that is, keep moving without advancing.
Halt front ! left back'ards wheel ! Now, gin'lemen, you'll
be pleased to remember that when I gives the words
' Quick march ! ' you'll fall back'ards on the pivot man
that is to say, on the wheeling pint all one as a gate
on its 'inges. Quick march ! that's it, gin'lemen that's
it."
In this style the good-humoured but consequential
little sergeant was wont to instruct us in the rudimental
part of the glorious art of war.
On breaking off and dismissing the awkward squad
the young men composing it assembled round Sergeant
Giblett, who appeared to be a prime favourite amongst
them, and he on his part was evidently so much pleased
with them, that it was obviously with difficulty that his
good-nature allowed him to maintain that dignity which
he evidently felt, and which ought to be the inseparable
concomitant of command.
194 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
" Well, sergeant, how did I do to-day ? "
" Why, sir," said Giblett, " it's not my wish to flatter
DO gin'leman, but you have sartainly improved in your
marchings."
" And me, sergeant," said another, " how do I get
on?"
" Why, sir, you'll soon he all right, if you pays a
little more attention."
" I say, sergeant, what makes you call the musket
'she?'"
" Why, you know, sir, the firelock among 'Kopeyarn*
sogers (it's different, of coorse, among the Seapiesf)
alw's goes by the denomy-nation of Brown Bess, and so
we calls it * she.'"
" Oh, that's it, is it, sergeant ? "
" Take a glass of grog, Giblett, after your fatigues ? "
" Thankye, sir, I don't care if I do."
"Here, you bearer, black fellow," said the donor,
" brandy, shrub, paw?iey s sergeant, ko do" (i.e., give
the sergeant some brandy- and-water).
Sergeant Giblett took the empty glass, extended his
arm in one direction to have it filled, whilst he turned
his head in another; bearer applies his teeth to the
brandy-bottle to get the cork out.
" You were a-axing of me, sir, I think, about the
cellybrated battle of Laswarrie, in which we that is,
the ridg'ment I then belonged to was present, under
Liftteunaut-Gineral Lord Lake ; yes, that was pretty
near the stiffest business we had. There was the bat-
talions of the French gineral, Munseer Donothing (Du-
derneg) : and very good troops they was, though not so
good as our Seapies. Hulloa ! " he exclaimed, breaking
off in his story, and looking towards the tumbler, which
the bearer was busy in filling, " what's this here man
about ? he's a-givin me all the bottle of brandy ; here
come, you must put some of this back."
* Europeans thus pronounced by English soldiers.
*T Seapie, sepoy.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 195
" No, no nonsense, sergeant," said the liberal donor,
" drink it all it won't hurt you."
This was just what Sergeant Giblett wanted.
" Well, thankye, sir ; but I'm afraid it's over strong.
Ginlemen, here's towards your very good healths."
So saying, Giblett drained off the dark potation a
regular " north-wester " set down the empty glass, and
took his leave, reserving his " yarn " for another time.
CHAPTER XVII.
UNDER the able tuition of Sergeant Giblett I became,
in a few days, sufficiently a proficient in the mysteries of
marching, &c., to allow of my falling in with Lieut.
Rattleton's company, the left grenadiers,* and it was
consequently arranged, with the concurrence of the
adjutant, that I should make my debut on parade when
next the battalion was out for exercise.
On the day previous to that event taking place, after
tiffin, a sepoy orderly brought in the regimental and
station orders ; and Tom, after reading them, directed
my attention particularly to a paragraph in the former,
which ran thus :
" The regiment will parade for exercise to-morrow
morning, at a quarter after gun-fire, furnished with ten
rounds of blank cartridge per man."
" There ! my sub," said Rattleton ; " to-morrow you
will see a little service, and smell gunpowder for the
first time in your life."
" You're wrong there," said I ; " you seem to have
forgotten my recent engagement with the Dacoits ; why
sir," said I, affecting to bristle up, " though you do
command a company I have seen far more active service
than you have. A siege a pursuit a rout and a
* In the native regiments there are two grenadier companies, in
European corps only one.
o 2
196 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
retreat, are pretty well, I take it, for an ensign of two
months' standing."
"Ha! ha! Well, that's true, to be sure/' rejoined
my friend, laughing ; " you have, indeed, seen balls fired
with intent to do grievous bodily harm, and against the
peace of our sovereign lord the king but I would sink
the bolt, Frank, when I talked of my Junglesoor exploits.
But, seriously, you must get all your military trappings
ready over-night, and I'll see that you are called in good
time in the morning."
I retired to bed rather earlier than usual, oppressed
with a most unpleasantly alarmed state of feelings, some-
thing akin, probably, to that which a man experiences the
night before he is hanged or has to fight a duel or to
encounter any other disagreeable novelty. I wished the
initiatory process fairly over, having somehow or other
allowed my anxiety to work on my imagination till I
pictured it as something very formidable.
I was aroused, next morning, by Eattleton's singing,
with reference to my dormant state, I suppose, " Arise,
arise ! Britannia's sons, arise," and by a rough shake of
the shoulder.
" Eh ! what ? what's the matter ? " said I, starting
up, rubbing my eyes, and yawning.
" Come, my sub, jump up, jump up ! parade ! parade !
the gun has fired."
" Why, it's pitch dark, Tom/' said I, still stretching;
" you surely don't go to parade in the middle of the
night ? "
Tom assured me it was the proper hour, and that it
would soon be light; his bearer ran in at the same
moment, open-mouthed, to say the colonel was on horse-
back and had just ridden past.
This announcement quickened my movements ; so I
reluctantly jumped out of my warm nest, and, after n,
miserable cold dabble, dressed myself by the light of a
candle, "in the lantern dimly burning," buckled on my
Andrea Ferrara, brushed up my hair, took a peep in the
MEMOIBS OF A GEIFFIN. 197
glass, to see how I looked on an average, and then,
grande tenue, and arm-in-arm, marched off to parade
with my friend.
" The day, you see, is beginning to break," said he.
" I wish, with all my heart, it would make haste about
it," I returned (" and I think I do see a few ruddy streaks
in the east), for this is a heathenish hour, a most Cim-
merian gloom to manoeuvre in. For my part, I am sure
I could not distinguish, a rank of soldiers from a brick
wall."
"You will soon become accustomed to it," answered
my commandant, " and find the reasonableness of this
and other Indian customs, which now appear singular to
you ; better to be comfortable in darkness than to grill
in broad day."
" Tom," said I, " you must tell me where I am to
stand, and what I am to do, for I know no more than
the man in the moon."
" You'll have merely to march in the rear of the
company," said my commander; "keep step, and salute
in passing in review; all that, I think you under-
stand."
As we passed through the sepoy lines, and approached
the parade, the men were just in the act of falling in,
and my ears were saluted by a strange and confused hub-
bub, loud shouts, and words of command in odd voices.
There was the " Hall dreez" (halt dress), " Lupt
buccas wheel" (left backwards wheel), and " Qeeck
marruch" (quick march), of the native officers (by
whom one-half of the platoons, at least, were commanded),
and the same, though in more intelligible English, in the
sharper tones of the Europeans.
Then there was a rattling of muskets, and a ringing
of ramrods; the loud voice of the commandant; the
clattering of the adjutant's steel scabbard, and the ring-
ing of his horse's hoofs, as he thundered down the ranks
in a prodigious fuss why, I could not tell unless to
create a sensation. Our adjutant, however, of the
198 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
Zubberdust Bullnmteers, was a prodigiously smart officer,
and always galloped three times as fast as was neces-
sary.
It was all exciting and strange to me, to find myself
thus, for the first time, about to participate in real mili-
tary proceedings ; the actual game of soldiers, which I
had hitherto only viewed, with becoming awe, a la dis-
tance, or mimicked, as a younker, with penny drum and
falchion of tin. I was now about to realize one of my
dreams of boyhood.
Time's misty veil has long rested on those days, but
still I can recal the stirring interest I used to experience
when the recruiting-sergeant, on a fair- day, marched
through our village. I think I now behold him, with
his drawn sword and flying ribbons, proud as a turkey-
cock, with all the tag-rag and bobtail at his heels.
What a glorious thing I thought it was to be a soldier
a real, downright, actual soldier to wear a red coat,
and fight the French ! How I longed to be the fifer, or
even the little ducklegged drummer, as he strode valiantly
through the mud, with his long gaiters very little older
than myself, too, and yet privileged to wear a real
sword ! Even the gawky smock-frock clowns, won by
the sergeant's eloquence, touching the joys of a soldier's
life, and forming a part of the tail of this flaming
meteor, came in for a share of my envy.
" Ah !" I used mentally to exclaim, " I'll certainly be
a soldier when I am a man !" Here, then, was the reali-
zation ; a downright bond fide regiment, real guns,
real colonel, and all, and I a constituent portion of it
in a word, an officer ! Thus, my gratification, in a great
measure, overcame my uneasiness.
"The battalion will pass in review march !" roared
the colonel ; and away we went, as solemn as mutes at a
funeral, I behind my sepoys, sword drawn, stiff as the
little man in the Lord Mayor's carriage, right leg fore-
most. It was an agitating moment, and I in a nervous
tremour, lest I should commit some blunder. We turned
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 199
the angle of the square, the band struck up, and we
approached the saluting flag.
" Rear rank, take open order ! "
The native officers made a long leg ; I did the same,
and found myself in front of the company, exposed to
general notice. To use a coarse, but expressive phrase,
I was in a " devil of a stew."
I kept a close eye on my captain, however, thinking,
if I did as he did I could not be wrong.
We approached the colonel ; I saw he had his eye
upon me. Ye powers, if such there be, who preside over
steps short and long, and all others the deep mysteries
of drill and parade, how much did I then need your
aid ! What mighty effort did I make to keep step.
Within saluting distance, Tom brought up his sword ;
I did the same ; but, looking forward, omitted to bring
it down again, till a cough from Tom, and an " Isee,
Sahib ! " (thus, sir,) from the half-laughing old subadar,
caused me quickly to rectify the little omission.
Well, we formed close and open column, solid squares,
and squares to receive cavalry, and I know not what on
earth besides : there was a fearful drumming, firing, and
charging, and I was half-stupefied with the noise and
rapid ravelling and unravelling, embodyings and dis-
persings of this animated Chinese puzzle. However, I
stuck close to the rear of my sepoys, and bore up through
it wonderfully well upon the whole.
How astonished our descendants, some three or four
centuries hence, will be, methinks, when man shall have
become one consolidated mass of intellect and morality, as
they ponder over our ingenious modes of effecting wholesale
extermination ! " Thus," they will exclam, perhaps, as
they sigh over the aberrations and follies of their bar-
barous ancestors, " 'twas thus they shot, slashed, and
impaled one another ; in this way they attacked and
defended ; and thus they invested the machinery of destruc-
tion with all the pomp of music, the glitter of ornament,
and the splendour of decoration."
200 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
Some, however (distinguished historians and pious
Christians too), strangely enough, take a very different
view of the matter maintaining that war is an inherent
adjunct of the social state that without it we should be-
come utterly enervated sink into stagnation, and that,
in short, there can he no healthy action without mutual
destruction ! that it exists at all is puzzling but that,
it must ever be is both mortifying and astounding. Be-
tween, however, man viewed as a mere animal, and man
considered as an intellectual and moral being, those who
hope for perfection and those who despair of it, Quaker
endurance, that bears to be spat upon, and morbid
honour, that fires at a look; between, I say, all these
conflicting views and practices these cross lights and
opposite principles many honest thinkers are sorely
puzzled to make up their minds on the subject as to
whether combativeness is, or is not, an inherent element
of our nature, which must as necessarily break out into a
conflict occasionally, as the atmosphere brews the tem-
pest: or whether war be not destined to swell the category
of past follies, witchcraft, persecutions, astrology, and
the like ; and to this view I for one honestly incline.
The press and steam, right mental culture proper
social organization and international co-operation, may
do wonders ; so long, however, as war continues to be
the "ultima ratio regum" the arbiter, for want of a
better, of national differences, let all honour be shown to
those who, in wielding its powers, display, as British
soldiers do, some of the noblest qualities of our nature,
and who, though yielding to the necessity of shedding
blood, still love to temper courage with humanity, and to
mitigate its inherent evils.
At length, as all things must, our exercise came to an
end. The parade was dismissed. The officers, Euro-
pean and native, fell out on dismissing their companies
and advanced towards the commandant, who, as is cus-
tomary, waited in front to receive them.
Having saluted, and returned their swords to their
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 201
scabbards, there was a general unbending, and the laugh
and the joke and the news went round.
" Well, Rantipole, how does the grey carry you ?
What did you give for him ? "
" Two hundred and fifty dibs" (i.e., rupees) ; " wouldn't
take four hundred for him at this moment."
" Isn't he a little puffed in that off fore-leg ? " said
Captain Syphax, drily.
"No, not that I know of."
" Who was at Mrs. Roundabout's hop last night ?
they say that old Crosslight, the brigade major, was more
than ordinarily attentive to the widow."
" Oh ! I didn't hear that by the way, Tom, when
does your affair come on ? "
" Nonsense ! how do I know ? "
"Hear him ; hear him ! hear the Benedict ! "
""Rantipole, I'll bet you five gold mohurs," said one of
the subs, " that my old Toorkie beats your new purchase
once round the course, p. p."
" Done ! but I don't sport gold mohurs ; say five
chicks,* and it's a bet ; or I don't mind if I make it
ten."
" Chicks, Tom," said I, aside ; " isn't it rather an odd
thing to bet fowls on a horse race ? this is another of
your Indian customs, I suppose, the reasonableness of
which is not apparent at a glance."
Tom stamped and laughed at my query, like a mad-
mnn, to the astonishment of all present.
" Here," said he, in a whisper, and pulling me aside
" you great griff you ! chicks are sequins, or chequins
abbreviated to chicks ; not fowls, as you imagine : have
you never heard that before ? "
" Never," said I.
" What's the joke, Rattleton, what's the joke?" said
the colonel, good-humouredly ; " come, let's have it, and
don't keep it all to yourself."
"Oh, nothing, sir, nothing particular, sir," said Tom;
* Chick or sequin, four rupees.
202 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
" nothing, but rather a griffinish query of my friend
Gernon's, which tickled me a little."
" I am afraid you are rather too hard upon him," said,
the colonel ; " remember, Rattleton, I could tell a few
stories of griffins if I chose."
Tom felt the rebuke, and had the laugh turned against
him.
The colonel now addressed me, and, in a very kind
and encouraging manner, eulogized the way in which I
had acquitted myself on my first appearance in public,
adding, " I hope we shall send you to your regiment up
the country quite a proficient, and calculated to reflect
credit on your instructors in the Zubberdust Bullum-
teers."
As our worthy commandant was anxious that I should
have an insight into the various branches of military
duty, the adjutant was desired to make me attend regi-
mental courts-martial, invaliding committees, guard
mountings, &c., that I might see how these duties were
carried on.
The first court-martial I attended was a regimental
one for the trial of a black drummer for theft.
Tom took me to the bungalow of the superintending
officer, who is always an European, and whose duty it is
to conduct the proceedings which he records, assisted by
the regimental interpreter, who is also the quarter-master
of the regiment.
Shortly after our arrival, the native officers composing
the court made their appearance ; they were all large,
portly men, singular compounds of those moral anti-
podes, the European and the Asiatic.
Instead of the black military stock of the English
officer, they wore, over white cotton collars, necklaces of
gold, formed of massive embossed beads, each almost as
large as a small bean or nutmeg ; the overalls of the
majority had been pulled up over the Dotee, or waist-
cloth, a Hindoo article of dress, containing almost cloth
enough to serve for the envelopment of a mummy.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 203
This swathing of the loins, gathered into a bunch be-
hind and before, renders a considerable amplitude of
waistband indispensably necessary, and causes, moreover,
very often an unseemly protuberance under the jacket
flaps on the hinder regions, ornamental, no doubt, in a
dromedary or Hottentot Venus, though any thing but im-
proving to the appearance of a military man.
In spite, however, of these little drawbacks, or, per-
haps, I should say humpbacks, there was much in the
general appearance of these Indian veterans which to
me, as a novice, and not altogether an unobservant one,
was exceedingly striking and interesting, not having yet
had an opportunity of observing them so leisurely ; to
those, however, accustomed to see them daily, these feel-
ings doubtless had long since died away.
Two or three were aged men, whose snowy whiskers
and mustachios contrasted strikingly with the swarthy
hue of their well- chiselled and manly countenances;
gold and silver medals hung on their breasts, mementos
of past services under a Wellesley, a Coote, a Baird, a
Harris, a Lake, or some other of the many commanders
who have led the brave and faithful sepoy, where'er in
this hemisphere Britain has had a cause to maintain,
and whose deeds are chronicled in some of the brightest
pages of Indian military history.
" How is it, Tom," said I, " that the European offi-
cers, who have shared in the same dangers, and who
have fought in the same fields, exiles from home and
kindred, and grilling under your fiery sun here, are not
also honoured with medals for remarkable services? "*
" Upon my life, Frank, I can't tell you ; it is one of
those profound mysteries which it does not become un-
assisted reason to probe too closely : there must be some
latent policy in it, though it is far beyond the ken of
ordinary mortals. My old native officer, Subadar Davy
* Since this was written, medals have been ordered, I believe, for the
officers who served in Affghanistan. Is it too late to give them to those
who fought and suffered in Java, Arracan, Nepaul, &c. ?
204 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
Persaud, one day, in my presence, asked your friend
Captain Marpeet, when lounging at my bungalow, what
was the reason of it ? ' We are puzzled, Sahib/ said
he. 'to make it out; they are either of no value, and
given to us, as baubles are to the BabaLogue (children),
or else you gentlemen, who led us on, and shared in our
dangers and hardships, are very ill-treated by the Kum-
pany Ungruis Bahadour, in not being allowed to share
in the distinction, which we should prize much more if
our officers did share it."
" That seems like a poser," said I.
" It does," replied Tom ; " 'tis plausible ; but it just
shows into what errors mere unassisted reason may lead
us."
" But what said' Marpeet to it ? he is a right loyal
man, and always sticks up for the ' Honourable John.' "
" Why," said Tom, " Captain Marpeet, being a bit of a
logician, proved syllogistically to old Davy Persaud that
all was as it should be, thus : ' It was well known,' said
he, 'and an established fact, that the Honourable Com-
pany are liberal, generous and considerate masters ; that
they don't do illiberal, impolitic, and inconsiderate things
ergo,' and there Marpeet brought his conclusions to
bear in high style, and regularly demolished David Per-
saud's position; 'ergo, this must be all right, though
appearances are the other way/ Your friend, however,
confessed to me afterwards, that when at home he should
have been glad could he have sported a bit of ribbon at
his button hole, or something of the sort, just to show
that he had frozen patriotically on the mountains of
Nepaul, and struck a blow for old England at Laswarrie
and Putpergunge."
I was much surprised, and not a little amused, to
observe that each native officer was accompanied by an
attendant, generally some simple looking Coolie youth,
carrying his chair, and odd three-cornered pieces of fur-
niture some of them were.
" Torn," said I, sotto voce, " there seems to be no
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 205
want of chairmen at your meeting; but, seriously, tell me,
is it usual for the native officers to carry about their
chairs in this sort of way ? "
My friend answered that it generally was, and that
not only native, but European officers did the like, sub-
alterns' bungalows not being usually overstocked with
furniture.
" The possession of a chair, by the way, and the
right to sit in it in the presence of his European officer,"
added he, " are prerogatives on which the subadur or
jemadar sets a high value."
" Enlighten my griffinism a little, Tom," said I, " and
expound the cause thereof."
" Why, the reason," rejoined my friend, " is, I believe,
this. No inferior in India ever sits in the presence of a
superior, unless squatting on his heels on the ground
may be so considered ; and you must have perceived that
a chair is never offered to a sepoy or non-commissioned
native officer, under any circumstance of long detention
or the like, which it would perhaps be to Europeans of
the same rank in those cases; in fact, if it were, it would
be stoutly refused, and the man would think you were
bantering him. But when promoted, when he gets his
commission, he acquires a status in society, is an ' uppi-
ser (an officer), one of the sirdar logue, and in some
respects on a par with his European superior. He now
sports a gold necklace or kanta ; and sets up a chair
and a tatoo (pony), as indispensable concomitants of his
newly-acquired rank riding on the one, and in all pro-
bability sitting on the other, for the first time in his life.
I have been a good deal amused," continued Tom, " to
see them sometimes, when seated opposite their houses,
or rather huts, in the lines, enjoying their otium cum
dignitate in these same chairs, illustrating amusingly
enough the invincible force of habit legs partly doubled
up under them, feet slantingly projecting under the arms
thereof, instead of depending before, according to the
usages of Christendom. Blacky does not readily adopt
206 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
new habits and European improvements ; or if he does,
he often mars their object by engrafting on them some-
thing of his own."
" I dare say," said I, " from what I have seen, that
this is true enongh."
"A gentleman up the country, for example," contin-
ued Tom, " some time ago, wished to introduce the use
of the wheelbarrow into his garden, with other English
improvements ; when next he went there, he found the
coolie, or gardener's assistant, to his astonishment,
carrying the wheelbarrow on his head, with a load of
gravel. Why, a week ago, I gave my vagabond
bawurchee (cook), whom, you know, I sent to the
right about yesterday, a tin flour dredger, that I might
be spared the mortification of having my food
unnecessarily manipulated. The very next time I went
to the bawurchee khana (cook house), I caught the
villain taking the flour in pinches out of the perforated
head of my dredger (as one would take a pinch out of a
snuff box) and sprinkling it over the cutlet. Ah ! 1 fear
that nature designed natives and jackasses to be managed
by the cudgel ! "
" Why, that is Captain Marpeet's principle to a T,"
said I. " Sound thrashings, according to him, with
some races, are meant to answer the purpose of sound
reasonings with others ; it requires caution, however, in
applying that principle. For example, it would be far
from safe to try it on some of those big-calved fellows
one sees behind the coaches at home, eh, Tom?"
" You're right, Frank y ou' re right ; I see the drift of
your remark. It does seem unmanly to thrash those
who cannot and will not retaliate. But they're con-
foundly stupid and provoking; and your crouching
spaniel always invites a kick."
By the time we had terminated our fl aside," the native
officers had saluted, and after some little fuss and rat-
tling of their huge sabres, had settled down into a quies-
cent state, each man in his own proper chair, and wear-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 207
ing his hat cum privilegio as hravely as ray Lord Kin-
sale himself.
The superintending officer, a smart young Light Boh,
was in readiness with his recording apparatus his fools-
cap, and his pen and ink. The interpreter opened his
hook, containing the forms of oath to be administered to
the assembled Christians, Mahomedans. and Hindoos, all
cordially united to administer the common right of every
creed and colour justice.
The black-bearded Moolah stood by with the Koran,
wrapped in many a fold of linen, to guard it from the
polluting touch or look of the infidel, whilst the regimen-
tal brahmin, his forehead marked with bars of ochre and
pigment, indicative of his sanctity, was also in attendance,
holding in his hands a brazen vessel, filled with the Gurtja
jhull, or Ganges water, in which was immersed a sprig of
(as I was told) the sacred toohie. On these two sym-
bols, or foundations of their respective faiths, the Mus-
sulmans and Hindoos are sworn.
The superintending officer now directed the prisoner to
be brought in, and an orderly sepoy immediately called
out " Aundo Bridgemaum ! "
" What does he mean by that ? " I inquired.
"He means," said Tom, ( ' ( bring in the prisoner,'
Iridgemaum being the native way invariably of pro-
nouncing the English word ' prisoner.'"
The first native sworn was Rustum Khan, an old
Mahomedan subadar.
After saluting with deep respect the volume of his
faith, he received it from the Moolah on the palms of
his hands, holding it thus, with a look of profound vene-
ration, whilst the regimental interpreter recited the form
of the oath, which he repeated after him.
The Hindoos, received the vessel containing the
Ganges water in their hands, and were sworn to
judge impartially in like manner.
The trial now began.
The prisoner, a poor little black devil of a drummer,
208 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
was asked by the interpreter if he was guilty, or not
guilty ; to which he replied " Jo up ka kooshee" as in-
terpreted hy Tom, "whichever my lord pleases."
This naive reply made the superintending officer relax
his judicial gravity. The interpreter also smiled.
The stolid old subadars, however, could perceive
nought but stupidity in it, evidently, and one of them
angrily said to the prisoner, " Guddah (ass), say one
or the other."
Being, with the exception of a few words, wholly
ignorant of the language, I could not, of course, follow
the examination. The reader may, however, rest assured
that he has not, in consequence, lost any information
which it would be of much consequence for him to
obtain.
The superintending officer and interpreter seemed to
have it all their own way, rebuking crude judgments and
irrelevent questions, &c. (just as a judge bothers a stupid
jury) ; laying down the law to the subadars and jema-
dars, who nodded like Chinese mandarins, in deep
acquiescence to their superior wisdom, saying "such
bhat and bhote khoob."*
The native officer, before coming into the Court, has
generally (i.e., in five cases out of six) made up his mind
after a long bhat cheet (chat, or discussion, as to the
guilt or innocence of the party), touching both the act
and its criminality ; but is guided in his verdict or deci-
sion, nevertheless, pretty much by what the European
officers may say to him : his own peculiar notions of
justice and good evidence are, perhaps, clear enough;
but, confused by European refinements, the sublimity of
which his untutored mind cannot reach, he yields him-
self passively to be guided by the dicta of the Sahib
Logue.
Upon the whole, when the Court was cleared, and Tom
and I repaired to his bungalow, I felt that I had added
something to my little stock of experience, in having
*True very well.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 209
witnessed this mode of administering justice in a sepoy
corps.
The next thing of the kind I attended was an in-
validing committee, a body assembled periodically for the
purpose of examining those soldiers whose age or infir-
mities rendered them unfit for further active service,
which I need not describe.
The system of granting pensions to old and worn-out
veterans is an admirable one ; it binds the native soldier
to us more strongly than anything else, and is one of
the firmest foundations of our power in India. Frequ-
ently, at a more advanced period of my Indian career,
have I had occasion to observe its admirable workings.
I have listened to the old veteran, in his native village,
with pleasure, surrounded by his children, and children's
children, as he has recounted his deeds, showed his
medals and his scars, and spoken with, I believe, sin-
cerely grateful feelings of the generosity of the "Kum-
pany Angraiz Bahadour."
CHAPTER XVIII.
A DAY or two after this, my bearer gave me a little
rose-coloured billet, which had been left for me, of
which missives (though not always couleur de rose)
there is a vast circulation in India almost all com-
munications from house to house, and family to family,
being carried on in this way.
The note was from Miss Lucinda ; it was written in a
delicate crow-quill hand, and sealed with a dainty device
(" qui me ntglige, me perd"), or something of that sort,
and contained an invitation, in her mamma's name, to a
soiree music ale, on the following evening.
"Here is an invitation (a provoke), Tom" said I,
" from your friend, the stout gentlewoman ; shall we
go?"
p
210 MEMOIRS OF A GEIFFIN.
" Ob, certainly," was the reply. " I have a similar one.
Mrs. Brownstout's parties are amongst the most agreeable
at Barrackpore ; her guests are always well selected and
well assorted the grand desiderata of all social meetings.
I like her and her daughters amazingly, having uni-
formly received the most unaffected kindness from both.
The old lady, indeed, looks upon me as her son, and,
if there were not insuperable obstacles in the way,
Frank, entendez-vous ? I might become so in reality."
" Perhaps, Tom," said I, "that's what she is man-
euvering to effect."
" No," replied he ; " she is above-board, and incapable
of such a proceeding; she is no schemer would be
glad, no doubt, to marry her girls to worthy men, in an
open, honest way; but would scorn to effect it by little
crooked arts : never, Frank, if you please, say a word to
the prejudice of Mrs. Brownstout in my presence."
" Why, Tom," said I, astonished, " what's the matter
with you ? You're warm, my dear fellow; I meant no
offence to you, and as for "
" Say no more, say no more/' said Tom, stopping my
mouth ; " you were jesting, and I was hasty ; but I
cannot bear the shadow of an imputation on those I
regard. If any one said a word against you, Frank, I'd
floor him."
I was touched by my friend's generous warmth.
" You're a worthy fellow, Tom," said I, squeezing his
hand ; " but pray heaven we may be spared the necessity
of showing our love for one another in that way, though
we have battled pretty often in each other's defence in
times past. Do you remember, by the bye, the joint-
stock pummelling we gave Jack Grice, the cobbler, when
at old Thwackum's ? "
" Ha ! ha ! I do, indeed, Frank ; the fellow thought
he had us out of school, and in a cul-de sac ; but he
caught a brace of Tartars."
At the appointed hour, the next evening, we found
ourselves at Mrs. Brownstout's bungalow. From the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 211
number of palankeens and return buggies we met, on
our entering the domain, or compound, we were led to
infer that the party was pretty numerous, which proved
to be the case.
Having deposited our hats in the hall or verandah,
which, by the way, was full of hookhas of various
degrees of splendour a luxury then more indulged in
than at present we entered the well-lighted saloon, or
reception-room; and I confess I was agreeably surprised
at the elegance and propriety of the tout ensemble.
It is a pleasant sight, in a distant land, thus to meet a
social assembly of your countrymen and women, young
and old, enjoying music and conversation, and the pleas-
ing refinements of the Western world.
A group of Barrackpore belles occupied one portion
of the apartment a gay parterre in which, however,
the sun flower and the lily greatly predominated over the
rose.
In front of them, and standing in groups here and
there, were numerous officers of the different regiments
at the station, fine, handsome young fellows, for the most
part, in the bloom of life, on whom the sword, and time,
and care, and the airs of the death-concocting jungles,
had yet to do their work. There they were, laughing
the light laugh of the careless heart, and doing and say-
ing all those things, the exact counterpart of which, per-
haps, had been said and done in that very bungalow by
many a set as jocund as they, who had gone before them,
had run their brief Indian career, died, and been for-
gotten.
Then, as a sort of counterpoise to the youth of the
party, were certain portly colonels and majors, button-
holding in corners over grave discussions of off-reckon-
ings, changes of stations, &c., their goodly and well-
matured persons contrasting with those of the slender
youths around as do the gnarled and bulky oaks of
many a winter, with the tall and slender saplings of the
forest.
p 2
212 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
Then there was a jovial old surgeon from the north of
the Tweed, who took snuff out of a mull, and cracked
the driest of jokes in the crahhedest of tongues ; and two or
three distinguG- looking civilians, temporary visitants to
Barrackpore, exhibiting, in the studied simplicity of their
attire and well-tied cravats, a striking contrast to the
gay uniforms of the military who, poor fellows, too
often illustrate the proverb, that " all is not gold that
glitters ; " and hence, indeed, the civilian consoles him-
self for wanting it on his coat, by the comfortable
consideration that he has quantum suff. of it in his
pocket.
Particularly conspicuous amongst the company as-
sembled at Mrs. Brownstout's, was a jocose old collector,
the life and soul of the party, who, being remarkably
ill-favoured, and very good-natured, seemed to feel him-
self privileged, without danger of misconstruction, to be
wondrously facetious with the young ladies, whom he
roundly declared were all in love with him, and gave him
no rest or peace with their incessant attentions.
"There now you see, there it is," said he, starting
pettishly away, and looking piteously and appealingly to
the company, as Miss Maria touched his elbow, and
asked him to take some tea; " there it is again ; you see
she won't let me alone."*
I learnt afterwards that he had been an old friend of
the deceased major, with whom he had hunted and
shot, and drank pale ale, on and off, for five-and-twenty
years ; that he was, moreover, Maria's godfather, and
the true friend of the family, by whom he was con-
sulted on all weighty and important matters. Though
a systematic drole or humourist, he was at bottom a
man of sound judgment and extensive knowledge, and the
most benevolent of human kind.
Shortly after we had entered, Mrs. Brownstout met us
with a greeting which amply made up in cordiality for
whatever it might want in refinement, and from Maria
and Lucinda we received kind nods of recognition, though
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 213
too busy to do more. There they were in all their
bravery, doing the honours of the tea-table, exhibiting
the albums and the caricatures, and endeavouring to
make- every one at home and happy cheerful within the
limits of propriety and good sense, attentive to all, with
kindness and the most obliging tact.
"You're right, Tom," said I, " in your estimate of
this family ; the mother is, though a little blunt, a worthy
woman, and the girls are dear, sweet creatures; I declare
I've a good mind to marry them both."
" Both ! Are you quite sure that either of them would
have you ? "
" But Tom, by the way," I continued, " to change the
subject from my loves to yours, is not that Miss Julia
Heartwell?" directing, at the same time, his attention
towards that young lady, who hitherto, from her position,
had escaped our observation : " how lovely she looks this
evening, with her tiara of white roses!"
Tom coloured : " So it is," he replied ; " I did not
expect to meet her here."
So saying, and after a pause to muster courage, Ensign
Rattleton moved across the room; a fine, well-made,
broad-shouldered young fellow he was too, and in his
tight, well-fitting raggie, or Swiss jacket (one of the
neatest turnouts of Messrs. Gibson and Pawling), his
small and gracefully-tied sash, his white Cossack trowsers,
and grenadier wings (of which he was especially proud),
it would have been difficult to conceive a more elegant
figure, or one in which youth, strength, and symmetry
were more happily blended.
Tom evidently did not wish to appear marked and
particular, or to excite more observation than could be
well avoided ; he consequently made his approaches very
gradually, speaking to some other young ladies of his
acquaintance in the group before he addressed the oljet
I marked the pretty Julia, who, though doubtless aware
of the motive, bit her lip, and seemed ill to bear even
214 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
this assumed indifference. True love is a brittle affair,
and, like a box of china, must be managed " with cau-
tion."
Tom, however, at length approached ; many a curious
eye was upon them, and now, " rebel nature " unfurled
her crimson flag, and the little god of love beat his rat-
tat-too ; in other words, the conscious blush overspread
the lovely Julia's countenance, and the palpitations of
her bosom told full plainly all that was passing in the
little heart beneath.
Ensign Rattleton, with an attempt at unconcern,
presented his hand, and a seat being unoccupied by her
side, he rather awkwardly (for he was not himself) slid
into it.
Poor Tom ! his efforts at composure, marred by the
consciousness that he was the object of observation
his blushes and her tell-tale looks of mingled tender-
ness and admiration, were all too palpable to escape
notice.
" It's all up with him," said the caustic old bachelor
captain whom I had met at the colonel's, giving me a
slight touch with his elbow ; " as dead a case of splice
as I ever saw in my life well, humph ! better let it
alone, and remain as he is. He'll think so too when the
butchas (children) and the bills come tumbling in
together by-and-by."
Lucinda now, at the desire of some of the company,
gave us some charming airs to the accompaniment of the
guitar, which she touched with peculiar grace ; Maria
afterwards warbled to the piano, and finally, by par-
ticular desire, sung a lively native song, the burthen of
which was " Hilly milly puniya" to the great delight of
the old collector, who stood over her, shaking his head,
beating time with his hands, as if quite at home in the
matter, and occasionally footing it in a mincing burlesque
way, which I was afterwards told was a jocular imitation
of the Indian nautch girls, with whom this song is a
favourite ; it constituting one of that mellifluous variety,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 215
with which I have often since heard them " startle the
dull ear of night."
A good deal of merriment was caused by the collector's
animated earnestness, and the young hands cried "encore ! "
One of his friends, an old colonel, present, exclaimed,
" Why, you nautch superbly, Dilkhoob (for that was
his name) ; I did not expect such activity at your time
of life."
" Ah ! don't I don't I ? " said the merry old gentle-
man. " But what do you mean, sir, by my time of life ?
five- and- twenty only last birthday ! We young fellows
must be always in action always in action."
" You both play and sing, do you not, Miss Heart-
well ? " said Maria, addressing herself to Julia.
Julia, of course, said " very little," that she hardly
ever played, " excepting at home ;" and that, moreover,
she was just then haunted by the vocalist's malific
genius, a cold.
The facetious collector now seated himself near a very
lovely young woman, who, I learnt from Tom, was the
adjutant's lady ; a pleasant tete-a-tcte followed ; the lady
seemed highly amused ; the adjutant himself, who was a
friend of Dilkhoob, soon joined them.
" Well, sir, here you find me," said the old gentleman,
" flirting with your wife. Sir, I love your wife." The
adjutant smiled (it was almost a mauvaise plaisanterie] .
" Yes, Fve a right to love her, sir ; Fm not forbidden to
love her as long as I don't covet her ; and so I will love
her, sir."
The gentlemen laughed the ladies looked into their
fans but it was only honest Dilkhoob, the privileged man .
Miss Heartwell now sat down to sing, Tom, in the
most exemplary and obsequious manner, selecting her
book and turning over the leaves.
Julia then drew off, deliberately, first from one hand
and then from the other, her silk gloves, of a texture
almost as light and delicate as gossamer or a spider's
web (which she placed on the piano), displaying two of
216 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
the "whitest, softest, and most beautifully turned little
hands that I think I ever heheld ; I doubt if Sir Koger
de Coverley's widow's could have equalled them.
Having run these delicate fingers like a bevy of
white mice rapidly over the keys, as if to ascertain the
force and tone of the instrument, she paused, looked up,
and, with a sort of girlish waywardness, said,
" Well, now, what am I to sing ? "
Tom, with infinite obsequiousness, pointed with his
finger to an air he had selected it was Moore's exquisite
song, " Those Evening Bells," a song which will endure
as long as man retains a right perception of the touching
and the beautiful, and which expresses, in the happiest
language, what thousands have felt, when that inexplic-
ably sad and sadly pleasing music, the chime of distant
bells floating softly over hill and dale, falls on the listen-
ing ear.
Sweet bard of Erin ! embodier of our tenderest
thoughts translator of our dumb emotions fixer of
those painted bubbles of the soul which before thee burst
at the touch of words how many exiles have thy glorious
songs made glad ! how many solitudes have they cheered !
how many pensive spirits have they soothed and delighted !
how oft have thy soul-breathed words, sung to the strains
of old, and falling on the finest chords of the heart,
awakened all its noblest responses, to liberty, patriotism,
love and glory ! Immortal is thy fame, for it is deeply
rooted in human hearts and human sympathies, and long
after thou hast joined the choir above, may thy melodious
strains float down the stream of time to delight the latest
posterity !
Julia sung this sweet air, and several others, with a
feeling and pathos which convinced me she was not the
soulless belle I had at first imagined ; indeed, as she
sung, every noble and generous emotion beamed from her
lovely face.
No wonder poor Tom was far gone a la Chatelar
though things with him had a somewhat happier termi-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 217
nation ; as it was, he hung enamoured over her, delighted
evidently with the sensation her singing had produced,
and, " music being the food of love," as we have it on the
best authority, banqueting evidently on this very exciting
pabulum.
Miss Heartwell having resigned her seat, overwhelmed
with praises and acknowledgments, another young lady
was prevailed upon to occupy it.
Several other songs followed, when there was a pause.
The silence was at length broken by the old collector,
Mr. Dilkhoob, marching up to our hostess, and address-
ing her, arms a-kimbo, with well-simulated sternness and
severity, in the following manner :
" Mrs. Major Brownstout," said he, " I've a very
serious cause of complaint against you, madam, in
which your daughters are in some degree implicated, and
in which I will venture to affirm I am joined by all the
rest of the young people in this party."
A general smile and interchange of looks between
those present was the result of this speech, deemed evi-
dently the precursor of something merry.
" Well, Mr. Dilkhoob," responded the old lady, who
seemed perfectly to understand him, " what is my trans-
gression ? "
"Why, madam/' said he, "I consider that you have
acted in a most unusual, a most inconsiderate, and a
most extraordinary manner, in inviting so many young
folks to your house, myself among the number, without
giving them a dance;" the young men here rubbed their
hands ; " but, madam, as it is never too late to amend
our faults, and correct our backslidings, I propose that
we do now have a dance, and that my friend here, Lieu-
tenant and Adjutant Wigwell, be solicited to send imme-
diately for a part of his banditti I beg pardon band, I
meant, in order that we may ' trip it as we go, on the
light fantastic toe/ this way/' said he, seizing the hands
of the laughing dame, and cutting one or two most pon-
derous capers.
218 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
"Bravo ! " was repeated by many voices.
The motion was carried by acclamation, and Lieut,
and Adjt. Wigwell posted off an orderly for some of the
musicians.
They soon made their appearance, and a fine swarthy
set of fellows they were, with their chimney- pot caps.
There was a little preliminary clatter in the verandah,
and pitching of instruments, when suddenly clarionet,
cymbal, and trombone broke forth in a glorious and soul-
inspiring lilt.
Tables were removed, chairs thrust out, partners en-
gaged, and the younger portion of Mrs. Brownstout's
party as if suddenly bitten by tarantulas were whirl-
ing and bobbing through the mazes of the merry dance ;
I footing it away, with Maria for my partner, as well as
the best of them.
A neat supper, with songs, serious and comic, a la
mode Indienne, and the collector quite uproarious, ter-
minated one of the pleasantest evenings I had yet spent
in Bengal.
Miss Julia went home in her palkee ; Tom and I es-
corted her to her bungalow on foot ; the former making
seven-league strides, in order to converse a little by the
way ; I pelting away after him as vigorously as the man
with the steam leg, though not having an equal interest
in such violent locomotion.
The period was now approaching when I was to bid
adieu to Barrackpore for the Upper Provinces, and ex-
change the life of mingled drill and gaiety, of which the
foregoing little tableaux may serve to give some idea, for
one of constant change from scene to scene, and
more in consonance with a roving disposition.
I was appointed to a regiment at Agra, but about to
move to Delhi, the capital of India, and which is, or
was, associated in our minds with all, or much, that is
glorious and striking in Eastern history.
A Captain Belfield, of infantry, from Java, one of the
Indian army of occupation there, going up the country to
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 219
a staff appointment, kindly offered to take me under his
wing, and afford me the benefit of his experience.
Though a totally different man in every respect, he
was a friend of Marpeet, who sent me a letter of intro-
duction to him ; the conclusion of it, which I afterwards
saw, was rather characteristic of the captain :
" Gernon is a real good-hearted lad, but a devil of a
griff; so you must keep a sharp eye upon him as you
go up together, that he does not shoot, drown, or hang
you or himself."
A week before my departure, I got leave to go down
to Calcutta, for a couple of days, for the purpose of hir-
ing a boat to take me up to the great military station of
Cawnpore, from whence I was recommended to march.
I had also a few necessaries to procure, as well as to take
leave of General Capsicum and the widow, of whom I
had occasionally accounts through the roundabout chan-
nel of my friend the indigo planter.
Rattleton having matters of deep moment to attend to
in Calcutta, one of which I discovered was to order a
splendid set of turquoises, bracelets, brooch, ear-rings,
all complete, with other bijouterie, for the bride elect
(for Mrs. Brownstout's hop had fairly brought on the mat-
rimonial crisis), he offered to accompany me.
One day, after breakfast, consequently, we proceeded
to the ghaut, where we hired a paunchway to take us to
the City of Palaces, for the sum of one rupee ; and the
tide being in our favour, we struck out into the noble
stream, and were soon on our way to our destina-
tion.
The scenery between Calcutta and Barrackpore, a dis-
tance of sixteen or eighteen miles, I thought then, and
have always since considered, extremely rich and pictur-
esque ; its characteristics are bold sweeps of the broad
Hoogly banks agreeably diversified, with rich foliage of
various forms and tint clumps of cocoa-nut and bam-
boo groves of mango, tamarind, and plantain. Here
a ghaut, with crowds of bathers there a temple, or the
220 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
white huwailie or kotee house of some European residing
on the banks.
We soon passed the Governor-General's country resi-
dence, and the extensive and beautifully wooded park
adjoining, which has a fine effect from the river; also,
riding at anchor among other boats, and at some little
distance from the shore, we had a view of the state pin-
nace, or Soonamooky, in which that high functionary
makes his progresses to the Upper Provinces. It was
an elegant square-rigged vessel, with tapering masts,
painted a light green, if my memory is correct, and
profusely, though tastefully, gilded ; hence, in fact, the
name.
On we rowed with the rapid tide, and after coursing
along two or three bold sweeps of the river, Calcutta
once more broke on my sight the native town How-
rah the splendid white buildings of the European
quarter its forest of shipping swarming ghauts mul-
titudinous boats and all the ant-hill scene of commerce,
bustle, and animation, opening upon us in rapid succes-
sion, like the scenes of a diorama.
This approach to the City of Palaces, however, is by
no means equal, in my opinion, to that from the seaward
side. Widely different were my emotions when I next
visited this spot.
After many years' residence in the Upper Provinces,
amongst rajahs, hill forts and Hindoo temples, holy
shrines and sacred prayagas, groves resounding with the
cry of the peacock, and Mahomedan ruins of departed
grandeur, exploring the haunts of the savage Bheel, and
pursuing the plundering Pindarry through the scenes of
his maraudings, familiarized with scenes, manners, and
customs wearing the impress of a hoary antiquity, and
as far removed from the go-a-head things of European
civilization as it is possible to imagine, I once more
found myself off Calcutta.
With my mind thus saturated with new ideas a sort
of " sleepy hollow " state having come over me, and the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 221
recollections of "father-land" fast escaping from my
still fondly tenacious grasp, the first sight of the tall
masts of the shipping, as they hurst on my view, on
rounding a point, produced sensations of pleasure as
hard to describe, as difficult to be forgotten ; nor were
these feelings diminished, when, gliding past the vessels
themselves, I read "London," " Liverpool," and so forth,
on their sterns, and beheld the rough red-shirted tars,
my ruddy stalwart countrymen, as they gazed at us
over the sides, or lounged in groups on the forecastle,
and thought that in very truth but a brief period had
elapsed since those fortunate fellows had been lying in
some crowded bustling port of my own dear native land,
with " all her faults," still beloved and dear to me.
A visit subsequently to one of them served, by exhibit-
ing once familiar things, to awaken still more forcibly
the recollections of Old England, and to rekindle that
love of country, which, next to that of God and kindred,
is, perhaps, the noblest feeling that can swell the
bosom.
I will venture to say there are many of my Anglo-
Indian brethren who have experienced that which I have
here feebly attempted to describe.
We landed at Chundpaul ghaut, a spot memorable in
my eyes as that of my disembarkation in Calcutta some
two or three months before, and of my incipient acquain-
tance with my grandiloquent factotum Chattermohun
Ghose.
From the ghaut we proceeded, in ticca palankeens, to
the fort, where Eattleton and I had been invited to take
up our quarters with Lieut. Eantipule, of the Zubber-
dust Bullumteers, then on duty there with his company.
A wonderful place is Fort William, and a hard nut it
will be for the enemies of Old England to crack, if
they should ever be induced to attempt it, whether it be
the wily Eussian, the gallant Frenchman, or Brother
Jonathan himself.
It is exceedingly wrong to be proud very wrong
222 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
indeed I know it ; but, nevertheless, I have always
carried my chin at an angle of forty-five degrees with
the plane of the horizon, whenever I marched into that
bristling place d'armes. To other pens, less sketchy
and discursive than mine, I must leave its minute de-
scription.
Suffice it for my purpose here to observe, that its ex-
tent is vast, its defences admirable, and though making
little exterior show, its green slopes once passed, a bat-
tery on the broad grin meets you at every turn, as much
as to say, " A-ha ! I've caught you, eh ! on ne pent
pas passer ici ;" in short, its guards, griffs, adjutants,
and arsenals, crows, causeways, cookboys and counter-
scarps, its mountains of balls and acres of cannon, are
all wonderful and astonishing.
CHAPTER XIX.
THE day after my arrival at Calcutta I hastened to
pay my respects to the Capsicums. On reaching the
portico of the house, I threw myself out of my palan-
keen.
" Is the general at home ? "
" He is, khodalund" said the servant, and ascended
to announce me. Upon my entering, and making my
bow,
" Ha ! how are ye, sir ; how are ye, sir ? " said the
old veteran, extending his hand to me at full length, as
he reclined in his easy chair ; " glad to see you again.
Well, sir, and how did you lave my son ? But I've
heerd of all your prosadings."
Mrs. Capsicum congratulated me on my continued
healthy appearance, and condescended to present me
with the " tip of her honourable little finger."
I looked around for the dear widow, but she was not
there. My pulse sunk below zero with painful misgiv-
ings; ideas of death, matrimony, or some other mis-
MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN. 223
fortune, flashed on my mind : it is the nature of some
men always to fancy things fifty times better or worse
than they are, to which category I belong. I ventured to
ask the general after the health of his daughter, and was
greatly relieved by his reply :
" Oh, she's well, sure she's well ; but you'll see her
here immadiately to spake for herself."
Some time before dinner was announced, a carriage
drove up to the house ; it contained Mrs. Delaval, who
had been absent the whole day in Calcutta. She soon
entered the apartment; it was late in the evening, the
light dim and uncertain, and I seated in a recess near the
window.
"Well, Cordalia, my dear, have you seen all your
friends and executed all your commissions ? "
Mrs. Delaval kissed her father, and answered in the
affirmative, adding, " the Coppletons have taken their
passage home in the Derbyshire ; young Scapegrace, of
the civil service, is to be married to Letitia Flirtwell
to-morrow, and Colonel Oddfish sends his bhote bhote
salaam to you, and hopes to see you soon in town."
After some more gossip of this nature, the general
directed the attention of his charming daughter to me,
as " a particular friend of hers," and I had the satisfac-
tion of seeing a blush of pleasure and surprise upon her
features at recognizing me.
The reader may readily conceive all that passed im-
mediately after this and at dinner, and that I had to recount
the adventures of the last six weeks, to fight over again
the battle of Junglesoor, and to rekill all the hogs.
As the night wore away, and long after tea, the old
general, who had been for some time in a ruminating
mood indeed, we had sunk into that thoughtful state
which usually precedes the separation of friends lit his
taper, and rising, though with considerable effort, from
his easy chair, beckoned me to follow him.
We entered his dressing room ; he desired me to shut
the door, and, sitting down, bade me be seated likewise.
224 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
"My young friend," said the old man, taking my hand
with more feeling than I had ever yet seen him display,
" I wished to say a few words to you in private before
we part, most probably for ever. I loved your brave
uncle, as I have already told you, and I think I should
not be showing a proper respect to his memory, or doing
my duty towards his nephew, did I not offer ye a few
words of counsel, the result of long experience.
" I'm not the hypocrite to prache to you that I have
always acted as I would have you to act; no, 'tis not so ;
I'd be glad, by G , if it had been otherwise ; but my
exparience, like that of most men, has been dearly
bought. You are young, all the world before ye, and
about, probably, to enter on a long and varied career.
Life is a game, and a few false moves at the outset, it
may never be in your power fully to retrave ; it therefore
behoves you to be cautious, and to weigh well every step
before you take it.
" When you join your regiment, beware of your
associates, for on the character of these your future
prospects will mainly depend. Be slow in forming
intimacies, but at the same time courteous and kind to
all. Observe, but do not appear to do so, for people do
not love to have spies over them. Take your cheerful
glass with your friends, but shun intemperance, the root
of gaming and all evil.
" Strive to live within your manes, and let no man
laugh you out of your resolution to be ' just before you
are generous ;' for the time will come, take my word for
it, when you will rape the reward of your self-denial.
Make yourself master of your profession, and acquire a
taste for rading and study ; if over wild, ' twill beget a
new mind in ye, and is the best manes ye can adopt to
save ye from frivolity and dissipation, of which ye'll find
plenty here, by G .
" Indulge moderately in faild sports, for no man in
India ever took his full swing of them that, sooner or
later, had not to lament a broken constitution; the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 225
strength of Hercules will not enable Europeans to brave
exposure to an Aistern sun with impunity.
" Lay down fixed principles for yourself, and let
nothing induce ye to swerve from them ; they are, if I
may so say, the helm of our moral nature ; and though
the gusts of passion and caprice, or the shoals of un-
avoidable difficulties, may sometimes drive us out of our
course, if we have but tbese we shall regain it; but
without them, we become the sport of every impulse, we
drift away to destruction. God knows I've rason to say
all this. Acquire courage to say ' no ' when ye feel ye
ought, and thereby shun that rock of over-aisiness on
which so many a youth has made shipwreck of his for-
tunes.
"As for religion, I lave ye to judge for yourself; make
no joke of any man's ; whatever has God's glory and
man's good as its professed object, however mistaken,
desarves a sort of respect even from an opponent.
There's good enough in most of them, if we would but
stick to the practical part ; perhaps, as my old moonshee,
Golaum Hyder, used to say, it may be God's pleasure to
be approached in more ways than one, so that we do it
with honesty of purpose and in singleness of heart.
" Strive to make friends, but of this rest assured,
that no friendship can be lasting that is not based on
respect for some one sterling quality, at laist, to redaim the
many waiknesses which we all, more or less, inherit ;
when all looks smiling you may think otherwise, and
overlook this essential, but you will find eventually that
in resting on such summer friends, you lean on a broken
reed.
" ' Till society finds us other manes of obtaining redress
for injuries, and for stopping the tongues of the brawler,
the slanderer, and the bully, than by the d d tadious
and expinsive process by law established; which, I
suppose, if a man spit in your face, would require you
to prove how much soap it would take to wash it off, and
give damages accordingly: I say, till this is done, fight
Q
226 MEMOIKS OF A GKIFFIN.
we must sometimes but avoid quarrels ; ' tis aisier and
more honourable to keep out of them than to back out
of them, and ' tis a dreadful thing for a thrifle (here his
voice faltered and he became much agitated) to have the
blood of a comrade on your conscience.
" 'Tis a hard matter, I know, to put an old head on
young shoulders ; but maybe, nevertheless, you'll some-
times think of what I've now said to ye. And now," he
added with a smile, " I believe I've finished my sermon,
and have nothing more to add, than may God Almighty
bless and prosper ye ! "
On saying this, the warm-hearted old Irishman, who
was evidently affected, applied a key with trembling hand
to a little escritoire, from which he took an old-fashioned
silver snuff-box. This he rubbed with his sleeve, looking
at it wistfully, and then presented it to me, whilst a tear
trembled in his eye the thoughts of other days rushed
upon him.
" There," said he ; " that belonged to your poor de-
parted uncle ; forty-five years ago he gave it to me as a
mark of his regard ; I now here present it to you as a
proof of mine, and in memento of him, the only man on
earth I'd give it to before I died. I don't recommend
you to snuff yourself generally," added he, " but you'll
find a pinch in that," and he smiled, " that'll do you good
sometimes, if used with discretion and sparingly, if
you're ever in want of a further supply, let me know ;
and now, if ye plase, we'll rejoin the ladies."
I was deeply touched by the general's kindness, and
mentally promised that I would treasure up his counsel,
and make it my future guide. I fear, however, his
estimate, touching that extremely difficult operation of
putting an old head on young shoulders, found little in
my subsequent career at all calculated to invalidate its
correctness.
Well, I bade a long farewell to the general. Mrs.
Capsicum softened as she bid me adieu, and the charm-
ing widow could scarcely conceal her emotion.
MEMOIKS OF A GKIFFIN. 22?
How dreary how blank are the first few moments
which succeed the parting with friends ! their voicee
still sounding in your ears, their persons still vividly
before your eyes sounds and pictures to be impressed
on the sensorium, and carried with you through life, long
long, perhaps, after the originals are departed ! undying
echoes ! and abiding shadows !
I reached my room at about twelve o'clock, and pre-
pared for rest. My first act, however, was to take a sur-
vey of my uncle's snuff-box.
It was a singular piece of antiquity, such as might have
been handed round in its time at a meeting of wits at
Button's or Will's, or tapped by some ruffied exquisite
of the glorious reign of Queen Anne. The well-known
arms of my family were engraven on the back, but
almost obliterated by time and use.
Now, thought I, for a peep at the inside, and a pinch
of the general's wonderful snuff. I opened the box, but
instead of snuff, I found it to contain, to my great
pleasure and astonishment, the following brief, but highly
satisfactory document :
GENTLEMEN,
Please to pay to Ens. Gernon, or order, the sum of
Ks. 500, on account of,
Gentlemen, your obedient Servant,
DOMINICK CAPSICUM,
Lieut. -General.
To Messrs. Princely & Co., Agents.
" Generous old man ! " I exclaimed, " such snuff as
this is indeed useful at a pinch, though, unlike most snuff,
by no means to be sneezed at ! "
The next day I devoted to hiring a bolio, and some
other matters.
A bolio, it may be necessary to inform the reader, is a
boat constructed on a somewhat similar plan to the
budgerow, but longer and narrower, and more confined
in its accommodation.
Q 2
228 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
I was to pay Es. 100, or about 10, for a journey of
700 miles. Tom also ordered his jewellery, visited his
agents, and made sundry arrangements connected with
the coming event.
I sought out some of my old ship acquaintances, and
having transacted all necessary business, and ordered
my bolio to Barrackpore, Tom and I returned in a hired
gig by land.
We drove through the native town, alive with its
heterogeneous population paroquets, fakeers, baboos,
palkees, &c., and through almost an unbroken avenue of
trees, to Barrackpore, sixteen miles distant.
The next day T called on Capt. Belfield, with whom I
arranged to depart in two or three days. He proposed
that I should take my meals with them on my way up as
far as Dinapore, to which I consented ; this, besides pro-
mising to be agreeable in other respects, saved me the
expense of a cook-boat.
The captain introduced me to his sister, who had re-
sided with him for some time in Java.
Miss Belfield was " a lady of a certain age," once
more briefly expressed by the term " old maid ;" out she
was neither an envious old maid, nor a spiteful old maid,
nor an intensely blue old maid, nor a canting old maid ;
but she was a cheerful, bland, and intellectual woman of
thirty-five, with a mind deeply imbued with religious
feeling, and not without a dash of sentiment.
Celibacy, which so often in women turns the milk of
human kindness to gall, seemed in her, as sometimes
happens, to have had the opposite effect, and to have
given it additional sweetness ; in fact, all the world was
her lover, and she had never given her heart to one,
from a feeling, perhaps, that " 'twas meant for mankind."
Having lost her last surviving parent, a clergyman,
whose income, though large, arose almost solely from his
preferment, she had been obliged to change the home of
her infancy for a state of galling half-dependence on
distant relatives, who made \iQifeel their kindness in the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 229
least pleasing manner. From this state she was relieved
by an invitation from her only and bachelor brother,
Capt. Belfield, to come out and superintend his establish-
ment in India ; and, certainly, a happier or more amiable
pair were never seen together.
Capt. JBelfield told me at what ghaut his budgerow,
horse, and cook-boat were lying, and recommended me
to send my bolio to the same place, as it was his inten-
tion to quit Barrackpore in a couple of days.
The next two days were busily occupied in paying
farewell visits, packing up my valuables, as also in hiring
one or two additional servants, which swelled my establish-
ment to six.
I here recount the names, occupations, and salaries of
the individuals.
First in the list was Ramdial, sirdar-bearer, my valet
de chambre, an old Hindoo, with wondrous frail sup-
porters and a grizzled moustache ; he served me for Rs. 6
per mensem ; was a truly honest native, and would never
allow anybody to cheat me, but himself.
Next came Rumjan Khan, khitmutgar, or footman;
salary, Rs. 7 per mensem. Rumjan served me with
fidelity till we got about fifty miles above Calcutta, when,
not finding the air of the river to agree with him, he left
me rather suddenly, with the contents of my plate-chest,
to wit, six silver spoons and a brace of muffineers.
The third in point of rank in my establishment was
Nannoo, dhobee, or washerman ; salary, Rs. 6 : a hard-
working, harmless creature, who pegged away at his
wash-board daily. A pretty wife, a large brazen iron
(the Hibernianism is unavoidable), and three fat naked
piccaninies, always on the crawl at the top of my bolio,
seemed to constitute the amount of his earthly treasures.
Fourthly came Bahadoor Khan, rnussalchee, or link-
boy ; the province of this servant is to carry the torch,
or lantern, and to scour out the saucepans and tea-kettle,
clean knives, fetch milk, &c. ; but as I had not much for
him to do in that way, I made him my head chasseur ;
230 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
salary, Ks. 4 per mensem, or eight shillings, not too
much, one would suppose, for the decent clothing and
maintenance of a man and his family.
Next (hired for his special utility on a river journey)
came Hyder Bux, bhistie, or water-carrier, a terrible
thick-set fellow; a devout Mahomedan, with a beard so
bushy and luxuriant, that, with his hooked nose and large
eyes, he always reminded me of an owl looking out of an
ivy-bush.
Last on the list, but not least in importance, at least to
me, was Nuncoo, matar, my master of the buckhounds.
I shall draw a veil over some of the peculiar duties
of Nuncoo, but others I shall particularize ; they were,
the care of Hector the bull-dog, and Teazer the I was
going to say soi-disant terrier, in preparing daily for
them a very large mess of rice and turmeric, with a few
small bits of meat interspersed.
Poor Bull, this Gentoo fare, I suspect, but ill agreed
with your Whitechapel constitution, and seemed to hasten
your end.
The prospect of a change was highly agreeable to me,
though mingled with a regret at the necessity it involved
of a separation from my friend Tom, for whom I had a
very warm affection.
Rattleton was equally sorry to part with me, particu-
larly as he wished me to be present at his marriage, in
the capacity of bridegroom's man, and which event was
to take place in ten days.
" Frank, we must pass the last evening cosily to-
gether," said he; "I must be with Julia till half-past
seven, but for the remainder of the evening I am yours."
It is needless to trouble the reader with any account
of what passed between Tom and me, in this the last
evening of our sojourn together; past hours were revived
and future pleasures anticipated. Tom spoke in rapture
of his approaching happiness, and of the liberality of
the young lady's uncle, who had already presented them
with a new bungalow.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 231
" She's an angel, Frank," said he, " if ever there was
one on earth; may you find just such another ! and if
you do, and can, by exchange or otherwise, find your
way back to the Zubberdust Bullumteers, we shall make
the happiest quartet in the country. 'Twill be so plea-
sant to pass our evenings together, won't it? a little
music, and chess, and so forth."
Rattleton accompanied me to Captain Belfield's budge-
row, where we took an affectionate farewell of each other,
he promising to write to me a full, true, and particular
account of the wedding.
Poor Tom ! the next time we met was some years
after ; he ascending the Ganges, I going down. It was
by mere accident we discovered each other, not having
for some time communicated, and cordial was our greet-
ing. There was still a dash of sadness in it, like a
gleam of wintry sunlight. The joyous anticipations of
the lover had long since subsided into the cares, the
anxieties, and the troubles of the husband and father.
The predictions of the caustic captain had been in
some sort realized. The quarter-mastership had, it is
true, in due time, become vacant ; but, in the interim,
" another king had arisen, who knew not Joseph," and
Tom had in consequence failed to obtain it.
Thought and moody care sat on the brow of the once
joyous Rattleton, for debts were accumulating, children
coming fast, and the fair Julia's health was beginning to
fail: to send her "home," at the expense of some thou-
sand rupees, or see her die before his eyes, were the pain-
ful alternatives between which he would shortly have to
choose.
Even Tom himself complained of hepatic derange-
ment vulyb, the liver and could not take his quantum
of beer-shrob as of yore ; a springtide of crosses and
difficulties, in fact, had set in upon him.
Just before we met, he had sustained a not uncommon
river disaster ; his horse-boat had been upset by a whirl-
wind, by which he had lost his buggy, two horses, and other
232 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
property, to the value of Rs. 1,500, for which he could
claim no compensation. Three of his servants went
down with the boat, as if to verify the old adage.
He had barely recovered from the shock occasioned by
this misfortune, when he had to sustain another, though
of a different kind. He had discovered that his child's
dhye, or native nurse, was in the habit of dosing his in-
fant with opium, that it might not disturb her slumbers.
Tom threatened; madam took huff, and marched off;
the delicate Julia was in despair. The only succeda-
neum that might have been rendered available, a goat,
had accompanied the horses to the shades below.
Ye who send sons and daughters to India, imagine
not that they are always reposing on beds of roses.
Alas ! poor Tom, thou hadst a gallant spirit, but
heavy was the sigh which ever and anon escaped thee,
as thou didst detail thy difficulties to me during the
brief hour we then spent together !
Much hadst thou to tell of the trials of a married sub,
on small means, and kept much on the move; but I
must reserve it for some other occasion, " with the rest
of Tom's story," as Corporal Trim would say, " for it
forms a part of it."
In Julia the shawled, be-capped, and languid invalid
I could scarcely think that I was indeed looking on
the belle of Barrackpore, truly the " light of the ball-
room."
I had nearly omitted to mention a circumstance which
occurred on the previous day, with which it is of impor-
tance that the reader should be made acquainted to wit,
an unexpected visit I had from my friend Chattermohun
Ghose.
On going into Tom's verandah, to order the despatch
of some chattels to my bolio, I observed a Bengalee at
one extremity of it, his head going like that of a Chi-
nese mandarin.
I discovered that these profound salaams were intended
for me. I advanced towards the automaton, and imme-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 233
diately recognized the patriarchal proprietor of "five
effective children of various denominations/' Chattermo
him Ghose.
" Hah ! Chattermohun, my fine fellow, is that you ? "
said I. " What brought you to Barrackpore ? "
"I came, sair, for argent private affair; two, three
gentilmau owe me little bill here, and accidentally I have
learn by chance that master was ishtaying here ; there-
fore I think my duty to pay respect ; master make me
great obligation ; master is my father, to whom my ever-
lasting gratitude will be due."
" As for being your father, Chattermohun," said I,
laughing, " no one would suspect that, for if I am not
mistaken, you are old enough to be mine ; and why you
should be so grateful towards me, I cannot imagine."
Some writer has well observed, that " gratitude is too
often but a lively sense of favours to come ;" to Asiatics,
or natives of India, at all events, this remark applies
with more force than to Europeans in general. That my
friend Chattermohun's gratitude partook largely of this
prospective character, soon became abundantly apparent.
"Master I understand will shortly go ope contree?"
" Yes, Chattermohun, I'm off to-morrow please the
pigs ; have you any commands ?"
" No, sair, command not got ; but "
Here was a pause ; after which, Chattermohun re-
sumed his plan of operations in the usual wily style of
the Bengalee ; any one of whom I'll pit against any Jew
in the Minories.
"Does master know," said he, with an air of perfect
unpremeditation, " one gintleman name Captain Belfil,
who was shortly go Danapore ?"
" Oh, yes," said I, falling into the trap ; " to be sure
I do ; we're going up together."
" Master go up contree with Captain Belfil ? I not
know that" (the vagabond had come up on purpose to
make his approaches through me) ; " then that will be
good bis'ness for master ; master very clever gintleman,
234 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
but little too much young to go up river by ownself. I
think Master Belfil will be in paymaster bis'ness got
good 'pointment up contree ?"
" Yes/' I replied, "I believe he has paymaster of
invalids, somewhere or other. But now, Chatter-
mohun, my good fellow, make yourself scarce, if you
please, for I've a plaguy deal to attend to, and must be
very busy."
Chattermohun raised his hand, enveloped in its snowy,
muslin drapery, slowly to his forehead, and made me a
profound salaam, but stirred not there was evidently
something in the background. At last, out it plumped.
" Will master please to ishpik in my favour ?"
" To whom ? for what ? what the d 1 do I know of
you, Chattermohun ? "
" Captain Belfil, I learn by proper intelligence, have
need of 'spectable writer. I won't go back old army
bis'ness, Calcutta bis'ness not make too much pecuniary
profit therefore, master please to give me recommenda-
tion, I shall, plis God, get that place. 35
" Oh, oh ! " said I, " Mr. Chattermohun ; and this is
the object of your visit to me, eh ! of your everlasting
gratitude, and my newly-dubbed paternity ? "
"No, sair, 'pon my honour, not for that only, but
master I think have great benevolence to do me favour."
I liked Chattermohun ; those who cannot carry it by
storm, must try it by sap ; so I promised to certify on
paper all that I knew in his favour, and a little more.
To my surprise, it produced the desired effect.
Chattermohun got the writer ship, joined the fleet, and
became our compagnon de voyage.
They say there is no word for gratitude in the native
language, and consequently that the quality is unknown ;
certainly, Chattermohun was grateful to me, poor fellow,
for the service rendered him, as far as was in his power
to be so. Gratitude is certainly more easily professed
than felt amongst black and white ; but to deny that it
can exist, is to libel human nature.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 235
Capt. Belfield and his sister gave me a most kind and
friendly reception ; as an agreeable earnest of the pleasure
of the voyage, breakfast was on the table when I entered
the budgerow, Miss Belfield presiding over its arrange-
ments with English neatness and propriety, just as
she had been accustomed to do, no doubt, for many
a happy year, at Long Somerton.
The windows or Venetians were up on both sides,
affording an agreeable view of the river and its banks ;
under one, there was a grand scene of bathing, praying,
and filling of waterpots. Many a dark eye of a Hindoo
girl stole furtive glances at the strange meal and para-
phernalia of the terrific European, while the sharp aspi-
rations from the lungs of numerous dkobees, or washer-
men, banging their clothes, sounded along the shore.
The dandies, or boatmen, now drew on board the seree,
or plank connecting us with the shore, threw water over
the figure-head, touched their foreheads, shouted
" Gunga gee ke jy J" " Success, or victory to the holy
Ganges" leaped on board, and our whole fleet was soon
under weigh : beginning act the third of my griffinage.
Thismodeof travelling in India though extremely tedious
or perhaps rather, I should say, occupying a vast deal of
time, and, when the river is swollen by the periodical rains
and the melting of the snow, attended with considerable
danger, is, nevertheless, in some respects, exceedingly
pleasant and convenient.
The sitting-room in a good-sized budgerow is as large
as a small parlour, seven or eight feet in height, and,
when fitted up with table, chairs, couch, book-shelves,
&c., is as comfortable as an apartment on shore. The
Venetians open inwards, and may be raised and hooked
to the ceiling along both sides of the rooms or cabins,
of which there are usually two, one a dormitory, afford-
ing, as you glide along, a pleasant view of bathers, boats,
temples, ghauts, and the other various picturesque objects
which generally adorn the banks of Indian rivers.
The dandies, or boatmen (not quite such dressy
236 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
fellows as their namesakes at home, a rag or waistcloth
constituting their working suit), tow the boats at the rate
of fourteen or sixteen miles a day ; each man has a stout
piece of bamboo, with a string attached ; the latter he
attaches to the towing-line, placing the former over his
shoulder.
In ascending, the oars are seldom made use of, except-
ing in crossing the river, or in passing long lines of
moored boats, when they are sometimes deemed prefer-
able to passing the towing line over each separate mast-
head, Which is a troublesome operation, and productive
of infinite squabbling and abuse between the crews.
The term budgerow is a corruption of the word large,
and the idea of those in common use in India has evi-
dently been taken from the state barges, once more used
by colonial governors than at present, as a state appen-
dage, and which once also in London, in the olden time,
served the purposes of transit amongst the great which
coaches do at present. Specimens of them still survive
in the Lord Mayor's barge and those of public com-
panies.
We soon left Barrackpore behind us, and the pretty
Danish settlement of Serampore opposite the Bengal
city of refuge for the fugitives of John Doe and Richard
Koe and in a little time passed the French possession
of Chandernagore, and the Dutch factory of Chinsurah.
In the evening we reached Bandel, an ancient Portu-
guese settlement, celebrated for its cream cheeses, which
are rather so-so, and a pretty Roman Catholic chapel and
convent, coeval, I imagine, with the earliest settlement of
the Portuguese in Bengal.
The shades of evening were gathering around as we
slowly brought to and moored our boats for the night.
Lights from many a nook and ghaut on the river began
to shed their trembling rays across its surface. The
crescent moon, in silver sheen, like a fairy of light, was
just rising above the tops of the cocoa-nut trees; and the
clash of gongs and cymbals resounded from the neigh-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 237
bouring bazaars, telling it was the hour of joy and
relaxation.
Captain Belfield proposed a saunter before tea, to
which his sister and myself gladly assented ; and it was
agreed that we should explore the little paraclete before
us, which, in its pure and modest whiteness, seemed, as it
were, tranquilly reposing in the mingled moon and twi-
light.
The captain took his stick, a stout shillelagh of some
Javanese wood, on the merits of which he afterwards
often expatiated ; Miss Belfield, bonneted and scarfed ; I
tendered my arm, like an attentive young man, and
followed by a chaprassee and the captain's black terrier,
Thug, we commenced our first evening's ramble.
" How delightfully tranquil is your evening hour in
India!" said Miss Belfield. "As far as my experience
goes, I should almost say it compensates for the fiery
sun of the day."
" It is a relief, certainly," said the captain. " Old
Phoebus' disappearance below the horizon in this country,
and the effect produced by it on man and beast, remind me
of that which usually followed the exit of my old preceptor
from the school-room a general uproar and rejoicing."
CHAPTER XX.
THE little church of Bandel is a pleasing, modest
structure its white tower, cross, cloisters, and adjoining
priest's house and garden, creating a pleasing illusion ;
transporting the spectator in imagination (forgetting he
is in India) to the orange groves of Portugal or Madeira.
The vesper bell had ceased to sound as we slowly
entered the building. The interior was invested with a
deepening gloom, but partially broken by the waning
light of evening, which, streaming in at the windows,
238 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
chequered the worn pavement, pencilling, as it were, with
its sad and sober ray, the touching but evanescent record
of another departing day.
Within, all was silence and repose, save when slightly
broken by the closing of a door, or the echo of a distant
footfall.
The altars, with their splendid adornments of the
Romish ritual, tapers, crucifixes, &c., sparkled through the
" dim, religious light " of the place, whilst here and
there a few solitary native Portuguese women, on their
knees, met our eyes, absorbed in silent prayer.
The scene was solemn and impressive; my light
thoughts fled, and a deep sense of the holiness and love-
liness of devotion fell upon me. We moved through the
body of the church and the adjoining courts and cloisters,
pleased with the tranquillity of the spot, before we bent
our steps towards the budgerow, whose whereabouts was
now plainly indicated by the numerous fires of our
servants and boatmen, cooking their evening meal on the
banks.
"Well, Ann!" said the captain to his sister, as we
sauntered along, " what do you think of the old chapel
of Bandel ?"
" I have been greatly pleased with it," answered Miss
Belfield ; " with me, you know,
' Even the faintest relics of a shrine
Of any worship wake some thought divine.'
But truly there is something par excellence in these old
Catholic ecclesiastical buildings, which always, good
Protestant as I am, takes a powerful hold on my feelings
and imagination ; hallowed by their association with the
events of the misty past, they awaken the most solemn
reflections. To have trodden, too, as we have just done,
those very aisles where the adventurous Portuguese of
the olden time of India (now some centuries past) have
put up their orisons, is well worth our evening's ramble.
Yes," she added, with some enthusiasm, " whatever be
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 239
the defects of its tenets and doctrines, Romanism un-
questionably contains the very poetry of religion."
"Ann ! my dear Ann ! " exclaimed the captain, " what
would your old friend Parson Martext, of Long Somer-
ton, say, were he to hear you talking thus ? Fie ! fie !
The f misty past/ as you poetically term it," continued
Captain Belfield (who, I began to discover, was a matter-
of-fact-man, who had curbed and double-bitted his fancy,
and was not perhaps quite so orthodox as he should have
been), " is too often a region of delusion, in which flying
the dull realities of the present, the feelings and imag-
ination love to revel a sort of moral mirage rests upon
it. With too many, as they approach it, judgment
abandons the reins of the understanding, whilst enthu-
siasm seizes them, and drives away Heaven knows
whither. In the distant mountain fading in aerial tints
of gold and purple, infancy paints a heaven, whilst expe-
rience tells of rocks and caverns, cataracts and precipices.
I am myself, I confess, disposed to entertain many of
your feelings in such situations, but reading and reflec-
tion have taught me to moderate them to distinguish,
I hope, between feelings and rational convictions
romance and reality in more senses than one; be
assured the ' heart of man is deceitful above all things.'
But, my dear Ann," he added, " we are becoming a
vast deal too solemn and didactic. I'm sure our young
friend here will think so. These subjects are caviare to
those just entering on the spring of life, to which we,
you know, are beginning to turn our backs. Here we
are at the budgerow, love ! Tea, too, on table ! Now,
then, take care how you walk over the plank ; a dip in the
Hoogly would be a chilling finale to your evening's
ramble. Mr. Gernon, give my sister your hand, if
you please. Here we are, once more, on board our first-
rate."
I was not long in discerning that Captain Belfield was
a learned Theban a great Oriental scholar; a prodi-
gious number of books he had, too, lying about the
240 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
cabin, in worm-eaten Indian covers, and in all sorts of
crambo characters Persian, Nagree, Pali, and I know
not what besides; with dictionaries, many of formidable
bulk.
He maintained for Captain Belfield, like most men,
had his hobby, and was, moreover, at that time writing
a book to prove it that we have received almost all our
raw notions of things in general from the East, to which
we are, in fact, more indebted than it suits the policy of
the world to acknowledge ; and that now, after a score or
two of centuries, we are merely rendering them back
their own in a manufactured or modified form.
Our feudal system, our juries, our best jokes, our
cleverest tales, our wisest aphorisms, and much more
besides, were, according to him, all filched from the
Hindoos. The captain was not a man to be led away
by strained analogies and forced etymologies ; so I put
great faith in his dicta a faith which has not been
shaken by my post-griffinish researches.
He had better grounds to go upon than the old Irish
colonel, who took up the converse of the proposition,
and proved, or endeavoured to prove, that the Hindoos
sprung from the Irish, that Sanscrit was a corruption of
their vernacular, their veneration for the cow nothing
more than a natural transition from their well-known
partiality for bulls ; and that the mildness, temperance,
and placability of the race all smacked strongly of Tip-
perary.
On the evening to which I am referring, Captain Bel-
field soon became absorbed in his books, whilst Miss
Belfield and I sat down to chess. We had two well-
contested games ; I won them both, and though I bore
my victory meekly enough, I perceived, or thought I
perceived, that it would not do to repeat my triumphs
too often.
Chess is a fine, intellectual game, no doubt, but, some-
how or other, a sad tryer of the temper ; and, whether
beaten or victorious, unless possessed of more than or-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 241
dinary tact and self-command, you may chance to quarrel
with, and possibly alienate, your friend.
Thus, then, with some little variety, reading, or con-
versation, passed we the evenings of our sojourn together
the pleasantest by far of my griffinage.
The voyage to Burhanipore, the first large military
station on the river, occupied ten or twelve days. I
shall briefly touch on a few more of its incidents.
In spite of General Capsicum's friendly advice to in-
dulge moderately in field sports, like ninety nine out of
every hundred griffins, I commenced my popping opera-
tions almost from the day of starting, keeping up a sort
of running fire, with little intermission, till I reached
my destination.
My knowledge of Indian ornithology being extremely
limited, I declared war against all of the feathered race
that presented themselves particularly the paddy-birds
and snippets. The first, a sort of small crane, abound-
ing in the rice-fields, and which it is considered by sports-
men the acme of Johnny-rawism to shoot, under the
impression that they are game ; the second, a sort of
sand-lark, which runs ducking along the banks of the
river, and are so tame, being accustomed to boats, that
it is difficult to make them take wing. These, in my
simplicity, I took for Bengal snipes, and sometimes,
poor little devils, opened a point-blank battery on them
from my bolio window, knocking them, of course, to
" immortal smash."
I had, it is true, gained an inkling from Tom and
Marpeet touching the nature of such proceedings, with
some warnings to avoid them, though it was reserved for
Captain Belfield, a few days after we left Hoogly, to re-
new the admonition, with better effect. This arose out
of the following occurrence.
I returned one evening to his budgerow, laden i.e.,
Ramdial, bearer, and Nuncoo, matar, were charged with
the porterage of the following miscellaneous bag of game,
to wit: a cock-vulture, with fine red wattles (which I
242 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
shot, thinking he was a wild turkey), four snippets,
five paddy-birds, three doves, a gillarie, or striped squir-
rel, a braminy kite, and a jackal.
The boats were just coming-to, the poor dandies, after
a hard day's pull, winding up their tow-lines, and old
Phoebus himself just sinking to rest, spreading his
glorious hues over the broad bosom of the Bagheriti, as,
Spent with extreme toil,
Weary and faint,
I made my appearance, after a long exploration among
mango groves, paddy fields, and sugar-cane kates,* in
search of game.
The captain was seated on the roof of the budgerow
as I hove in sight ; his amiable sister, parasol in hand,
beside him, talking of Long Somerton, in all probability,
and enjoying the beauties of the scene and the coolness
and tranquillity of the hour.
" Well, Gernon," said the former, who had now dropped
the " Mr." in addressing me, " what sport ? what have
you killed? too well employed to think of dinner, of
course ! "
" Oh ! capital, sir," said I ; "all in that bag, and more
besides."
" Quantity, certainly ; but what are they ? " added he,
"for that, after all, is the main point."
" Pray bring them on board," said Miss Belfield ; " I
am curious to see some of the Indian game, to ascertain
in what respect they differ from ours at home."
" With the greatest pleasure," returned I, glad of an
opportunity to exhibit the contents of my bag ; " you
shall see them immediately."
So saying, I went on board, and joined my friends on
the roof, Ramdial following with the bag, and Nuncoo
dragging up the jackal by the tail. Ye Gods ! how the
captain, albeit a grave man on ordinary occasions, did
laugh, as Ramdial tumbled out the contents of my cornu-
copia !
* Plantations.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 243
" Ha ! ha ! ha ! why, you have made a day's sport of
it, indeed," he exclaimed ; " but you don't intend, I hope,
that we should eat them all ? "
" The snipes and the doves," said I, modestly, " and
those things, something like woodcocks, might not, I
thought, be bad eating."
'* Snipes ! " echoed the captain, " I see no snipes."
" No, sir ! why, what are these ? " I asked, holding
up one of my snippets hy the bill ; " aren't these Bengal
snipes ? "
" Bengal snipes ! no ! nor snipes at all ; miserable
snippets ; but with you, I presume, all long bills are
snipes ? "
"No, not exactly/' said I ; "but allowing for differ-
ence of latitude and longitude, I thought these might
very well be snipes."
" Ah ! I see," said the captain, " I must put you in
the way of managing matters. I have long relinquished
the gun, for I found I was getting too fond of it, and,
after a few years, the sun tells ; but I must resume it for
a day or two, in order to initiate you a little into the
proper nature of Indian sporting, and to show you where
real snipes and game are to be found. All this is mere
waste of powder and shot (which you will find a very
expensive article, by the way, in India), and will get you,
if you continue it, dubbed an egregious griffin or green-
horn. A jackal, too ! what made you shoot him ? "
" He bolted from a bush, and I thought he was a wolf
and floored him beautifully ; as I rolled him over 'twas
fine fun to see the courage with which Teazer and the
bull attacked him when in his last agonies. However,
I should not have spared him, had I at first been aware
of what he was, for I owe the whole race a grudge for
their infernal yellings. I was kept awake for some hours
last night by a troop of the fiends close under my bolio
window/'
"Ah ! 3> said Belfield, "you have destroyed a useful
scavenger ; never kill without an adequate purpose ; if
B 2
244 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
we have a right to slay, it is not in mere wantonness ;
' shoot only what you can eat ' is a good maxim."
"Mr. Gernon," said Miss Belfield, "though my
brother undervalues your sport, it may be some consola-
tion to you to know that I do not ; I want to sketch all
the curious birds and animals I see, for a very dear friend
of mine at Long Somerton, who exacted a promise from
me, at parting, that I would do so. Will you, therefore,
bring them all on board to-morrow, the poor jackal inclu-
ded, and you shall group whilst I sketch them ? "
" Capital ! " said I ; " with the greatest pleasure ; and
we'll have Nuncoo as the Indian huntsman in the fore-
ground: we shall," I added rather wickedly, "in this
little dedication to the fine arts, be working out the
captain's utilitarian principle, as applied to sporting."
Captain Belfield was as good as his word ; he put his
double-barrelled Manton together, after a long repose
apparently, in its case, where, in dust certainly, if not in
ashes, it had mourned its state of inaction, mustered
several of his servants, and out we sallied in the after-
noon of the following day.
Captain Belfield, from his perfect knowledge of the
language and the people whom, I observed, he always
treated with great kindness was soon able to ascertain
the spot in the neighbourhood of the river where the
game was to be found (there is but little, comparatively,
in this part of Bengal), and which I should probably
have been long in discovering; to them we accordingly
went, and found hares, black partridges, and abundance
of real snipes, which I perceived did not differ in the
smallest degree from English ones ; and I had the su-
preme felicity of bagging something more respectable
than paddy-birds and snippets, which I afterwards treated
with proper contempt
The captain, although he had been so long on the
retired list as a sportsman, fired a capital good stick
nevertheless, and knocked the black partridges about,
right and left, in great style ; indeed, he once or twice,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 245
to borrow a not very delicate sporting phrase, " wiped
my nose" in a very off-hand manner, proofs of his
powers as a marksman with which I could have readily
dispensed ; as next probably, to a smack in the face,
there are few things more disagreeable than having your
"nose wiped."
The black partridge of India, I must inform the
reader, is a beautiful bird ; its breast (i.e., the male's),
glossy shining black, spangled with round and clearly
denned white spots; its haunts are the long grass on the
borders of jheels and marshes, from whence it creeps,
in the mornings and evenings, into the neighbouring
cultivation.
When flushed, up he goes, as straight as a line, to a
certain elevation, and then off with him, at a right angle,
like a dart. He is by no means an easy shot, though,
from his mode of rising, it would appear otherwise.
It will be long ere I forget the thrill of pleasure I
experienced when I dropped my first black partridge on
this occasion, and how pompously, after ascertaining his
specific gravity, I consigned him to my bag, taking him
out about every five minutes, to indulge in another exami-
nation. It is difficult to express the contempt with
which I then viewed my quondam friends, the snippets
and paddy- birds.
The prodigious quantity of water-fowl to be seen on
some of the shallow lakes or jheels of India, is well cal-
culated to astonish the European beholder. I have seen
clouds of them rise from such sheets of water, particu-
larly in the upper part of the Dooab, with a sound some-
times not unlike the roar of a distant park of artillery ;
geese of two or three sorts ; ducks, teal, coots, saruses,
and flamingoes ; the latter, however, should perhaps be
excepted from the concluding part of the remark, for a
string of these beautiful scarlet and flame- coloured crea-
tures, floating silently in the air, or skimming, on lazy
pinions, over an expanse of water, seem like a chain of
fairies, or bright spirits of some Eastern tale, descending
246 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
gently to earth ; nor do I think this is an exaggerated
description, as all will allow who have seen the flame-
coloured cordon on the wing.
Having now been put in the way of doing things
according to rule, I no longer, as I have before binted,
molested such ignoble birds and beasts as, in my state of
innocence, I was wont to destroy. No more did I nail
the unhappy snippets to the bank from my bolio window
nor disturb the 'lorn cooings of the turtle-dove in her
bower of mango shade, by a rattling irruption of No. 6 ;
but in a steady, sportsmanlike form, accompanied by Kam-
dial (who, by the way, had no sinecure of it), laden with
chattah (umbrella), game-bag, and brandy-pawney bottle
in leathern case, and Nuncoo, the dog-keeper, with
Teazer and the bull dog, I was almost daily in the j heels
and swamps, mud-larking after the ducks and snipes.
The reader will think, probably, and I am not disposed
to question the correctness of his opinion, that bull-dogs
are not the best of the species that can be selected for
snipe-shooting.
Granted, I say again ; but he will be pleased to re-
member that there are such disagreeable things as tigers
and wild boars (and great bores they are too) to be met
with in India. It therefore struck me that, in case of
an unexpected rencontre with one or other of these crea-
tures, the bull-dog might do good service, by making a
diversion in my favour, and in concert with Teazer,
attacking the enemy in flank and rear, keeping him in
check, whilst I fell back on the fleet, as many a valiant
and experienced general had done before me.
Hector, however, though reserved for such important
purposes, took no pleasure in the sport ; his heart was
with the flesh pots of Whitechapel, and Nuncoo had
sometimes hard work to get him through the swamps ;
Teazer behaved better, and, indeed, for a dog of such very
low extraction, displayed a better nose than I expected.
Happy ! happy days of my griffinage ! first full swing
of the gun ! none before or since have been like unto
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 247
ye ! Had I then set up for a second Mahomed, and
described a paradise, snipe-shooting in a jheel would
have infallibly been included amongst its most promi-
nent enjoyments !
The country in this part of Bengal is a dead flat, com-
posed of a rich alluvial soil, in a high state of cultivation.
Rice, sugar-cane, Palma Christi, and fifty other tropical
productions, flourish luxuriantly, and charm the sight by
their novelty.
The face of the country is covered with groves of
mango, tamarind, and plantain trees, &c.; and numerous
towns and villages are scattered here and there, but
which, however, have little that is striking or interesting
in their appearance, mud or matting being the pre-
dominant materials with which they are constructed.
Still the vastness of the population, the number and
variety of the boats on the river, transporting up and
down the rich and varied produce of India, and the
diversity of the objects to be seen on the banks as you
slowly glide along, are extremely pleasing. Miss Belfield,
being a finished sketcher, was daily in raptures with all
she saw. Full often would she summon me to the budge-
row window, to look at something exceedingly pictu-
resquesome glimpse, effect, or " pretty bit," as she was
wont to term it, and which had awakened all her admiration.
Some old and magnificent banyan tree, exhibiting a
forest of shade, and whose tortuous roots, like sprawling
boa-constrictors, overhung the stream; village maidens
filling their water-pots beneath it, or fading like phantas-
magoric figures in the deepening gloom of the receding
woodland- path; or some Brahmin standing mid-leg in the
water, with eye abased, and holding his sacred thread ;
cattle sipping, or the huge elephant, like a mountain of
Indian-rubber, half-immersed, and patiently undergoing
his diurnal scrubbing and ablution.
I caught all her enthusiasm, and great was the sketching
and dabbling in water-colours which followed thereon.
Captain Belfield possessed a far more extensive library
248 MEMOIES OF A GRIFFIN.
than my friend Tom Eattleton, comprising many standard
works on Indian history, geography, antiquities, &c.; to
these, for he was no monopolist in any shape, he kindly
gave me free access, and when not occupied by blazing
at the snipes, or in aiding Miss Belfield in her graphic
operations, I found in his library stores an ample fund
of amusement.
I pored over the seer ul Mutakhereen, and formed an
extensive acquaintance amongst the twelve million gods
of the Hindoo Pantheon.
How genuine, how refreshing, by the way, is the
bonhomie of the Mahomedan author of the seer ul
Mutakhereen! with what grave simplicity and naivete
does he relate the sayings and doings of our valiant
countrymen in the early times of Anglo-Indian history !
His comparison of the red Feringhie* soldiers, firing
in battle, to a long brick wall, belching forth fire and
smoke, is admirable. And how excellent the story of
Beebee Law, and the stern reproof administered to the
fawning Asiatic parasite, the young noble at Patna, by
the sturdy English commander, when the former tried to
ingratiate himself by insulting his fallen enemy, the
gallant Frenchman !
How striking, too, when recording these acts, the
energy and astonishment with which, as if irresistibly
impelled thereto, he apostrophizes the virtues of the
English their high-souled contempt of death their
fortitude under reverses, and moderation in success
likening them to the Rustums and Noushervans of old,
Asiatic types of valour and justice ; showing that there
is a moral sense, an eternal standard of nobleness, which
no adverse circumstances of habit, climate, and education
can wholly obliterate or destroy that virtue is not
wholly conventional !
And oh ! admirable Orme ! thou minute chronicler of
still minuter events, ungrateful, indeed, should I deem
myself, did I not here acknowledge my obligations to
* European.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 249
thee ; did I not record the many pleasant hours I have
spent in poring over thy pages, whilst tracing the career
of thy now antiquated worthies, from Olive to Catabo-
minaigue !
As we approached the classic ground of Plassey, both
poetry and patriotism began to stir within me. I studied
Orme's account of the battle attentively, and determined,
as doubtless many had done before me, to attempt to
identify the existing local features with those incidentally
mentioned in the narrative of that important event, the
first act of the greatest work of modern days, the con-
quest, government, and civilization, by a handful of
remote islanders, of one hundred millions of men ; a
work, be it observed, though still progressing, which if
left to liberal and practical minds, can hardly fail to be
effected (though yearly increasing in difficulty), if fana-
ticism on the one hand, and ultra liberalism on the other,
b3 not allowed prematurely to mar it-
MissBelfield expressed great veneration for the memory
of the Indian hero, and begged to be allowed to accom-
pany us to the scene of bis crowning exploit.
" The more the merrier, my dear," said her brother,
and out we all sallied to visit thrilling name " The
field of Plassey."
A very pleasant stroll we had, too ; but all our endea-
vours to harmonize the then aspect of the country (and
doubtless it is much the same now) with Orme's descrip-
tion of it were utterly nugatory; hunting lodge, mango tope,
and every other memorial and mark of the fight mentioned
by that accurate historian, having been swept away by the
river, which, since 1757, has entirely changed its course.
If any future Clive should fight a battle in Bengal,
decisive of the fate of India, and feel at all desirous that
the field of his fame should remain intact, I would re-
spectfully advise him not to come to blows within twenty
good miles of the Ganges, if he can possibly avoid it, for
that headlong flood, in the course of its erratic move-
ments, will sooner or later be sure to sweep it away.
250 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
An example of the tortuosity of the course of the
Bagheriti, and of the way in which both it and the great
Ganges abandon their beds and form new ones, leaving
miles of their former channels unoccupied, or formed into
stagnant lakes, was afforded at, Augurdeep, a few miles
from Plassey.
After a long day's journey (some fifteen or sixteen
miles), we observed, to our great surprise, that we had
halted within a few hundred yards of the spot from whence
we had set out in the morning, the masts of boats moored
there being visible across a narrow neck of land, or isth-
mus, connecting with the main land the peninsula we
had been all day circumnavigating.
This isthmus, in after years, was cut through, the river
beating in full force against it, leaving, of course, a great
extent of channel dry, If Olive's victory, therefore, had
left no more lasting memorial than the field on which it
was gained, we should know but little about it.
We were disappointed at our ill success, at least Miss
Belfield and I j for the captain had anticipated that matters
would be as we found them. I, however, consoled myself
with a determination I had formed, to raise a monument
of the victory a little more durable than the one which
had just disappeared. I made up my mind to compose a
poem, an epic, on the conquest of Bengal ; Olive, of course,
the hero, and Plassey the scene; on which, like the com-
batants, I proposed to put forth all my strength.
I had for some days felt the stirring of the divine
afflatus within me, a sort of boiling and rioting of vast
ideas ; too vast, alas ! I afterwards found, for utterance
or delivery, for I stuck fast at " Immortal Olive."
Two or three days more brought us to the station of
Burhampore. The day before we arrived, Captain Bel-
field received a letter from an old acquaintance at the
station, one Colonel Heliogabalus Bluff, begging him to
breakfast and dine with him on the morrow, and pass a
day or two en route. The letter thus concluded :
*' I hear you have your sister with you ; shall, of course,
MEMOIBS OF A GBIFFIN. 251
be glad to see the Beebee Sahib too ; send herewith a
dolee, which pray present to her, with my bhote b/iote
salaam.
"A dolly, sir," said I, in astonishment, on Captain
Belfield's reading this passage ; " that's rather an odd
thing to send : he supposes, I presume, that Miss Bel-
field is a child."
Captain Belfield was attacked with a most violent fit
of laughter on my making this remark, and I saw that
I had been once more unwittingly griffinizing.
When he had a little recovered his composure,
" Gernon," said he, "it will add, perhaps, to your
astonishment when I tell you, that we intend to eat the
said dolly for dinner, and shall expect you to partake of
it."
Saying this, he ordered the article to be brought in,
when, instead of a toy, I found the dolee was a basket of
fruit, flowers, and vegetables.
" Who is the gentleman ? " said Miss Belfield, as we
sat at tea in the evening, " from whom you had the letter
this morning, and to whom we are indebted for all this
fine fruit ? "
" Why, Colonel Bluff," said her brother, "an old fellow-
campaigner of mine, a very rough subject ; ' and though
he is my friend/ as Mr. Dangle, in ' The Critic,' says, I
must acknowledge, a very eccentric and far from agreeable
character."
/'Oh! pray describe him fully," said his sister: "I
like much to have an eccentric character delineated, for,
in this age of refinement, men have become so very much
like one another, that a person marked by any peculiarity
is as enlivening as a rock, or other bold feature, to the
sight, after having been long .wearied by the monotony
of a low and level landscape : do, pray, give us a sketch
of him."
" Well, then, the colonel is a stout, sturdy John Bull,
underbred and overfed, combining with the knock-me-
down bluntness of that character, as it once existed more
252 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
strongly than at present, and a double allowance of all
his ordinary prejudices, the gourmanderie and frivolity
which an idle life in India is too apt to engender in the
very best of us.
" He reverses the rule, that we ought to eat to live, for
he lives to eat, and much of his time is occupied in devis-
ing dishes, or superintending his farm-yard, educating
his fat China pigs, and looking after his tealery, and
quailery and sheep.
" He has a constant supply always pouring in for him
from Calcutta, of exotic and expensive luxuries beer,
champagne, pine cheeses, Yorkshire hams, Perigord pies,
pigs' cheeks, and the like of which he is certainly liberal
enough ; for no prince can be prouder than he is when
at the head of his table, making his gastronomical dis-
plays ; in short, he greatly prides himself on the sur-
passing excellence of his breakfasts and dinners, though
those who partake of them must often, as their price,
submit quietly to all his coarseness and brutality of man-
ner. Folks in India do not generally trouble themselves
much about English politics ; at least, not so far as to
identify themselves strongly with the sects and parties
which are everlastingly worrying each other at home, and
who remind me of vultures and jackals here over a
carcase.
" Colonel Bluff is, however, an exception to the rule,
and has always set himself up for a great church-and-
king man, and" a violent high Tory, delighting in talking
of such subjects. He is a terribly violent fellow, and
when excited by a few glasses of wine, pounds the table,
and makes the glasses dance again, as he denounces all
Whiggery and Kadicalism.
" With all his faults, however, and he has more than
an ordinary share, he possesses a good deal of Miss
Hannah More's standing dish, ' good-nature ' (provided
he has everything his own way) ; and, indeed, but for
this redeeming trait, he would be utterly unbearable."
Miss Belfield said she was curious to see this singular
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 253
compound of Ion vivant and politician, a feeling in
which I expressed my hearty participation.
" You must be on your guard how you comport your-
self before him, Gernon," said the captain, " for I assure
you he shows no mercy to griffins, cutting them up right
and left, when once he commences, with most unmerci-
fully rough raillery."
"He had better leave me alone," said I, with rather a
formidable shake of the head ; " I'm not under his com-
mand, you know, sir, and may give him a Rowland for
his Oliver/'
" You'd better not attempt it, my dear fellow," replied
the captain ; " he has demolished many a stouter griffin
than you are."
The next morning we reached the station of Burham-
pore, and a little before we brought to, I observed, ap-
proaching the banks, a very stout, burly officer, followed
by an orderly sepoy, whilst a bearer held a chattah, or
umbrella, over his head. It was impossible to be mis-
taken this must be Colonel Bluff.
" Kisha budjra hyr ? " (whose boat is that ?)
" Bilfil Sahib ka" (Captain Belfield's), replied a
servant.
" Ship ahoy ! Belfield, get up, you lazy dog/' shouted
the " stout gentleman," with the voice of a Stentor.
The captain ran out in his dressing-gown, and my
suspicions were at once confirmed ; it was, indeed, the
colonel ; and a lively greeting now passed between
them.
"Well, then, so you've deserted Java cut the Dutch-
men, eh? and come back to the Qui-Hye's ? they
seem to have used you well, though ; you aint half such
alantern-jaw'd, herring gutted looking fellow as you used
to be haw ! haw ! You were, I recollect, when you
joined us first, ' as thin as a ha'porth o' soap after a hard
day's washing.' as my father's old north country gardener
used to say haw ! haw ! "
" Complimentary and refined, as usual, I see, colonel ;
254 MEMOIES OF A GRIFFIN.
I can't congratulate you on any material alteration in
that respect."
" Why, man, you don't expect me to compliment an
old friend like you, do you ? ' with compliments cram-
med/ you know the rest haw! haw! But, come, stir
your stumps, man ! stir your stumps ! breakfast's all
ready up yonder, and as capital a ham for you as you
ever stuck your teeth in. I wait breakfast for no man,
woman, or child living ; you know me of old. Talking
of women, where's the Beebee ? where's sister ? she'll
come, won't she? My compts Colonel Bluff's compts
glad to see her ; always proud to do the honours to
the ladies. But who have you got in that boat astern,
Belfield ? "
" Oh, it's a young friend of mine, Ensign Gernon,
going to join his regiment, under our convoy and pro-
tection."
" Oh ! a griff, eh ! a greenhorn: hungry as a hunter,
I'll be sworn ; bring him along with you, bring him along,
and we'll fill him out. Rare fellows, your griffs, to play
a knife and fork rare trencher-men. I'd sooner keep
some of them a week than a fortnight haw! haw!"
(< But colonel, had you not better take your breakfast
with us? it's ready, and then we'll walk up and spend
the rest of the day with you."
" Breakfast with you ! No, hang me if I do : d'ye
mean to insult me, sir? What ! a man, after a voyage,
with hardly a shot in his locker, ask a gentleman on
shore, with a Yorkshire ham on his table, to breakfast
with him ! never heard such a proposal in all my life !
No, come, come along, or I must march you all up under
a file of Jacks."
All this, which I overheard very distinctly, and which
was uttered at the top of an iron pair of lungs, was in-
tended for heartiness and jocularity. No doubt there
was kindness in it, and with mortals as rough as himself,
it might doubtless have answered very well; but the
captain, I could see, evidently winced under the inflic-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 255
tion, though hent apparently on enduring it for a season,
with proper resignation.
After finishing our toilets, and a few other little arrange-
ments, we joined the colonel, who would take no refusal,
on the bund or esplanade.
Captain Bel field introduced his sister and me. The
colonel, on being presented to the former, raised his hat,
and made as much of a bend as the sphericity of his form
would allow ; at the same time thrusting forth a leg far
better adapted (to borrow the corn-law phraseology) for
a "fixed duty" than the "sliding scale," with the air of
a finished man of gallantry.
There was something so irresistibly comic in the
momentarily assumed suavity of this huge Ursa Major
(or Ursa Colonel, as Paddy would say), this attempt at
the easy movement of the lady's man, that I was con-
strained to turn aside my head, in order to conceal a
laugh.
The colonel gave us a superb breakfast and it was
plainly observable that his reputation as a gastronome
had not been overrated. Ham, fish, jellies, butter, creams,
cakes all the profusion of an Indian breakfast were
severally the very best of their kinds ; moreover, Colonel
Bluff gave the history of every article, telling us to lay
on, and spare not, as we should not meet with any like
them between that and Mr. Havell's, the provisioner's,
at Dinapore.
The dinner was equally remarkable for its goodness and
profusion ; Chittagong fowls, as big as turkeys, were
there, and a saddle of mutton cased with two inches of
fat, on which the colonel gazed with as much pride as
some tender parent would look on a favourite child.
He had invited some eight or ten of the ladies and
gentlemen of the station to meet us, and it was soon
abundantly clear that the captain had drawn a most
accurate sketch of his friend's character.
After the former had retired, he began to let out a
little more of it. Seated at the head of his table his
256 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
burly King Hal person filling his capacious arm-chair
figure a little obliqued, a napkin over his knee, and the
bottles in array before him, the jolly colonel looked the
very personification of absolutism and animalism.
"Gentlemen, fill your glasses! Church and King!
and after that \vbat you will. Pass the bottle, Belfield ; fill
up a bumper ; come, a brimmer ; no daylight, sir ; none
of your Whiggery here ; I thought you had left all that
off?"
" I'll drink anything you please, colonel ; but I fear
our politics are wider apart than ever."
" You're not becoming a follower of that rascal Tom
Paine, are you ? I know you used to dabble in all sorts
of books, and were but a few degrees off it a republican,
irreligious scoundrel gone to the d 1, I hope, as he
deserves a fellow that had no respect for royalty, and
would have upset, if he could, our holy religion, an in-
fernal villain ! "
" Why, you are warm, colonel," observed a middle-
aged officer ; " may I ask when you took so keenly to
politics ? "
"Yes, you may ask," said Bluff; "but it depends upon
me whether I answer you haw ! haw ! Come, fill your
glass and pass the bottle, and don't ask questions haw !
haw ! haw ! "
Never did I see so rough a specimen of humanity.
How he talked, laughed, thumped the table, and laid
down the law, in the exercise of his unenviable immunity !
An incident occurred after dinner, which displayed in
a strong light the violence of Bluff's character, especially
towards the natives, and his perfect disregard of the
feelings of his company.
As the bottles were placed before him by the apdar, or
butler, a very respectable-looking bearded Mahomedan,
something in their arrangement displeased our host, who,
pointing with his fore-finger to one of them, exclaimed,
" Yee kea ky ? " (what is this ?)
The unfortunate domestic bent forward his head,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 257
though evidently in fear, to scrutinize the damage, when
he received a hack-handed hlow in the mouth from the
colonel, which rung through the room, and sent him stag-
gering backwards, minus his turhan, which had fallen
from the shock.
The man I shall never forget it stooped and picked
up his turhan ; replaced it on his noble-looking head
his face was livid from a sense of the insult ; he put his
hand to his mouth, and looked at it, there was blood
upon it.
The company appeared and were disgusted ; even Bluff,
I thought, seemed ashamed of himself. Well it is that
these things are becoming rare !
But enough of the colonel, of whom this sketch may
give as good an idea as a more elaborate description. Of
such characters there were a few, and but a few, in the
Indian army, and it is to be hoped their number is fast
diminishing.
CHAPTER XXI.
WE remained the following day, and accompanied the
colonel, and one or two of his officers, to a grand enter-
tainment, given by the Nawaub of Bengal, at his palace
of Moorshedabad, in honour of the festival of the Baira.
The whole station had, I believe, received invitations,
through the Governor- General's agent at the court of his
highness, and a grand spectacle was expected.
We left Burhampore, in a landau, in the afternoon,
and after an agreeable drive through a level and wooded
country, partly on the margin of a considerable lake,
called the Motee Jheel, reached the city of Moorshedabad,
and entering a lofty gateway, found ourselves in the
enclosure or domain in which the nawaub's palace is
situated.
258 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
This building is a lofty structure, in the European
style, on the banks of the river, and bears the name of
the Aina Mahl, which, if I am not in error, means the
" Palace of Mirrors/'
The whole scene was animated and striking, and par-
ticularly so to me, being the first thing of the kind I had
seen in India.
Groups of richly-dressed Mahomedans, exhibiting a
grand display of shawls, turbans and jewels ; retainers
and connections of the nawaub, or dignified inhabitants
of the city ; armed men, attired in the picturesque cos-
tume of the native soldiery of India, with shields, swords,
and matchlocks ; Abyssinian slaves, and Bengalese in
their flowing muslin robes, constituted the native portion
of the assembly. Amongst these were a numerous body
of English officers, in their scarlet uniforms, and ladies
elegantly dressed.
On the terrace of the noble house, overlooking the
Baghiriti, stood the nawaub and his little court, their
jewels and muslins contrasting with the plain blue coat
and simple garb of the Governor- General's agent and
other civilians about him.
Tables were laid out in the palace, profusely covered
with wines and refreshments, in the European style ; old
hands and griffins, fair sex and civilians, seemed all
determined to enjoy themselves, and to give his nabob-
ship a benefit ; to sweat his claret, as a slight off-set to
the sweating his ancestors had given to ours in the Black
Hole of Calcutta.
In the courts or pavilions below, Pulwahns, or athletse,
exhibited feats of strength ; jugglers displayed their
tricks, and two or three mimics enacted the sale of a
horse to an Indian Johnny Raw, a sort of Brentford
tailor, as far as I was able to judge from their action,
expression, and the applause they elicited from the by-
standers, with great humour and effect.
As night drew on, the whole place was illuminated,
exhibiting a blaze of light ; the party, native and Euro-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 259
pean, were congregated on the terrace to look at the sports.
A grand pyrotechnic display followed ; the rockets whiz-
zed in the air, and the blue lights shed their spectral
glare around.
I was delighted: this is worth seeing, methought.
Anon, the river was covered with countless lamps in
motion on its surface, and, soon after, a fairy palace, or
structure forming one mass of gorgeous light, came glid-
ing down the current, passing heneath the terrace.
The whole effect was beautiful and striking. I have
hardly ever before or since seen anything of the kind
which pleased me more.
The costumes and buildings of the East, and possibly
of all semi-barbarous countries, harmonize well with
pageantry and spectacle ; all is in keeping, and nought
appears to wound the sense of fitness and congruity.
Not so, it strikes me, in our own country, where the
pomp and glitter of the Middle Ages form strange patch-
work with spinning-jennies and the homely toggery of
our utilitarian and go-a-head times. Fancy going to a
tournament by a railroad, or seeing a mailed champion
riding cheek by jowl with a Kennington "'bus," or one
of Barclay and Perkins's drays. If we must have splen-
dour, let it be in unison with the age.
The next day, having replenished our stores with
several additions from the colonel's garden and farm-
yard, for it would be ungrateful not to acknowledge this
liberality a truly Indian virtue we once more resumed
our voyage.
Burhampore, like most of the great military stations
of India, is intended to operate as a check on a large and
important city ; not that from Moorshedabad once the
capital of Bengal, a place long since sunk into compara-
tive insignificance much danger is now to be appre-
hended. It is the head-quarters of a brigade, partly
composed of European troops.
The barracks and officers' quarters are superb, and
form a vast square, of which the former constitute the
s 2
260 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
face farthest from the river; that nearest to it is a con-
tinuous range of handsome houses and gardens, with
colonnades and verandahs, occupied by civilians and
superior military officers.
There are also other ranges of buildings running per-
pendicular to the river, partly barracks and in part
officers' quarters. The whole is separated from the
Baghiriti by a broad bund, or esplanade. The sepoy
lines are about a mile inland, but the officers reside in
the quarters, or in the fine bungalows scattered about.
The scene here in the evening was very lively ; soldiers
exercising in the square ; officers riding on horseback, or
driving in gigs ; the band playing on the esplanade ;
groups promenading; in short, I was pleased with the
place, and should have had no objection to have terminated
my voyage there.
The morning of our departure, we were besieged by the
vendors of silk piece-goods and handkerchiefs, as also of
ivory toys and chessmen, for both of which this place
and its neighbour, Cossim Bazar, have acquired a great
reputation.
Some of the chessmen shown us were large beyond any-
thing of the kind I had ever seen before ; so much so,
that to play with an irascible man with such ponderous
and massive pieces might be unsafe.
The natives of India, it appears to me, though pos-
sessed of infinite perseverance and ingenuity, have no
natural taste (at least, if they have any, it greatly wants
cultivation) ; as respects progress in the fine arts, they
appear on a par with our Anglo-Saxon ancestors at the
time of the Conquest, and their sculpture, carving, and
painting (and probably their music), in their leading and
more marked peculiarities and defects, bear a considerable
resemblance to those of such remains as we have of the
olden time of England. It is, however, probable that
the rude dawnings of knowledge are everywhere pretty
much alike, though marked with more or less of native
vigour and genius.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 261
Of perspective, proportion, &c., they know little or
nothing, and of this we had amusing examples, both in
the carving and some pictures which were here offered us
for sale, and which latter, in the richness of their colours
and gilding, brought strongly to mind the illuminations
of old missals, except that, in the false perspective and
utter disregard of proportion, they heat them completely,
outdoing Hogarth's illustration of that ludicrous con-
fusion into which an ignorance of these things is wont to
lead the graphic tyro : full views at once of three sides
of a square building, flat roof inclusive, visible from
below ; chiefs, in gorgeous apparel, seated on carpets as
large as the adjoining garden, and holding " posies to
their noses;" antelopes scampering over hills somewhat
smaller than themselves ; groups of figures taller than
the buildings, with dislocated limbs, and legs like wooden
stocking stretchers ; water reversing the laws of hydro-
statics, and running up-hill, and objects increasing with
the distance.
Miss Belfield's critical eye was shocked by these per-
formances, though otherwise amused ; and for my part,
I do not think I enjoyed a heartier laugh since I was a
griffin.
So completely vitiated is the native eye, by being
accustomed to these deformities, that the majority of
Indians can often make little or nothing of a European
drawing ; and I have often, in my post-griffinish days,
seen one of them take a pencil sketch in his hand, turn
it round about this way and that, and finally settle to its
examination when upside downwards.
The Hindus, in these respects, seem more deficient
than the Mabomedans, though, like the ancient Egyptians,
in their ghauts, temples, and other works, they exhibit the
vast and minute in perfection, showing what numbers and
perseverance can effect without the aid of taste.
The Baghiriti, at Burhampore, narrows at the com-
mencement of the cold season to a moderately broad
stream, and was now fast falling, so that we were led to
262 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
suppose some difficulty in getting into the great Ganges
at the point of junction, some days' journey higher up.
Sometimes this part becomes absolutely impracticable for
large boats, which are then obliged to effect the passage
by another branch.
As we approached the great river, our journey became
rather one by land than by water. The river had fallen
to the depth of a few inches in some parts, we were pushed
by main force, by our indefatigable dandies, over sandy
shallows, of miles in extent.
This was a labour, however, to which they had evi-
dently been accustomed, and most philosophically did
they set about it : planting their backs against the broad
Dutch-built stern of the budgerow, they worked us along
by almost imperceptible degrees, with insufferable yelling,
groaning, and grunting, varied occasionally by the mono-
tony of " Tan a Tooney hy yah!"
After a dos-a-dosmg it in this style for some days, we
had at length the satisfaction to find ourselves fairly
backed out of the scrape, and riding in the Ganges.
The Ganges ! Strange were my emotions as I gazed on
the broad expanse of that famed and once mysterious
river, with whose name were associated so many of my
early ideas of Brahmins, Gentoos, burning widows, and
strange idolatries ! Alas ! the romance of the world is fast
departing. Steam, commerce, and conquest, are making
all things common, and soon they will leave no solitary
spot on this globe of ours where the imagination may revel
undisturbed amidst dim uncertainties and barbaric origin-
alities. There wants but a gin-shop on Mount Ararat, or
a spinning-jenny on Olympus, to complete the work of
desecration.
A day or two more brought us in sight of the blue
mountains, or hills of Rajmahal, a great relief to the eye,
after having been so long accustomed to the unvarying
level of Bengal.
The low lands at the foot of these hills are well stocked
with game, the neighbouring jungles affording them
MEMOIES OF A GRIFFIN. 263
secure shelter. Everything is here to be found, from the
rhinoceros to the quail. Here I shot my first chikor, a
splendid bird, of the partridge kind, but twice the size of
ours.
Accompanied by the trusty Eamdial and Nuncoo, with
a few dandies whom I had pressed into my service as
beaters, I sallied out one morning with the determination
to make a day of it.
After walking some distance inland, and to within a few
miles of the hills, I found myself in an extensive, flat,
marshy tract, which had evidently a short time before
been covered by the periodical inundations, to the depth
of eight or ten feet.
This tract was covered with long coarse grass, a sort of
reeds, which, having lost the support of the water, were
prostrated like lain corn. Through these I was making
my way, my beaters actively employed on both sides of
me, when, suddenly, a noble bird rose, with a rare clatter,
from under my feet ; before I could cock my gun and
close an eye, he was at a good distance from me ; never-
theless, being a fair mark, I fired, and dropped him.
I was delighted, on picking up my sport, to find it a
fine massive bird, of the partridge kind, bigger than a red
grouse ; in short, as I afterwards learned from the captain,
the chikor* above described. I reloaded and advanced ;
and in a few moments flushed another, which I was equally
fortunate in killing.
Immediately after the discharge of my barrel, and whilst
standing on the prostrate reeds, I heard a rustling, and
felt a movement close to me. I thought it was another
bird, and cocked my remaining barrel, to be ready for
him ; instead, however, of a chikor, an enormous boar,
caked with dried mud, and whom doubtless I had roused
from a luxurious snooze, burst forth almost from under my
feet, to my very great astonishment.
His boarship's ear was most invitingly towards me ; I
* The red- legged partridge of Kamaon is also called a chikor, but this is
not the bird here meant.
264 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
had no time to reflect on the danger of provoking such an
enemy, in such a place no rock, stump, or " coign of
vantage/' behind which I could have evaded his charge,
had he made one hut instantly poured the contents of
my barrel into his acoustic organ, at the distance of two
or three yards. But the fellow was almost as tough as
the alligator, whose end I formerly described : the shot
produced apparently not the slightest effect beyond a shake
of the head and a quickening of his pace.
Away he went over the country, floundering through
the mud and pools in great style, Teazer, for some dis-
tance, hard on his heels, but with no serious intention, I
imagine, of catching such a Tartar.
Had the brute resented the earwigging I gave him, as
he might easily have done, a pretty little white cenotaph,
on the nearest eminence, " Hie jacet Frank Gernon" and
an invitation to the humane traveller to drop a tear in pass-
ing, would have been the probable result.
After bagging one or two more chikors, I proceeded to
the foot of the hills, or rather of a spur proceeding from
them, and soon found myself on the skirts of a most
tigerish-looking jungle: tall yellow grass, sombre pools,
with reedy margins, interspersed with irregular patches of
bush and tree jungle, ramifying from the densely- wooded
hills above. I would not have insured a cow there, for a
couple of hours, for ninety-nine and a half per cent, of her
value.
I paused ere I ventured to plunge into these dreary
coverts ; but my hesitation was but momentary. It is an
established fact that, in love, war, or the chase, wherever
danger presents itself,
Griffins rush in,
Where old hands fear to tread.
Besides, there were Teazer and the bull, and half-a-dozen
black fellows, ready picked, constituting long odds in
my favour, even should a hungry tiger appear.
In short, I entered, and was soon forcing my way, gun
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 265
in hand, through this most perilous locality, my heart in
my mouth, and in a feverish sort of tip-toe expectation
that, in a second, I might find myself hurried off, a la
Munro, by the waistband of my breeches.
Things stood thus, my party a little scattered, and all
advancing through the reedy margin of a winding piece of
water (well stocked with alligators, I had not the slightest
doubt), when a shout, a yelp from Teazer, a violent rush,
a glimpse of some animal, an instinctive discharge of my
gun, and a huge hog-deer rolled head-over-heels at my
feet; all the work of an instant, into which was com-
pressed as much alarm (for verily I thought it was one
of the royals) as would have served (diluted into anxiety)
for seasoning six months' ordinary existence.
Truly proud was I of my exploit, as the hog-deer,
doubled-up, lay kicking at my feet, in the agonies of death.
By a fortunate chance, I had lodged the whole charge of
shot under his shoulder.
Never was griffin more elated. " What will the cap-
tain now say?" thought I; "no more jeers or under-
valuing of my sporting qualifications after this !"
My first care now, after slinging the deer, was to get
out of the jungle for this successful feat had given a
new relish to existence, and I felt indisposed to run more
risks. His legs were soon tied ; a young tree was cut,
and thrust through them ; and, supported by four men, I
proceeded in triumph to my budgerow.
" Well, Mr. Gernon, you have indeed been fortunate
this time," said Miss Belfield.
The kind captain also congratulated me on my success,
but warned me against venturing on foot in such places
again, as, in fact, I had really incurred considerable risk.
In return, I favoured them with a detailed account of my
whole day's operations.
The hog- deer, being a very bulky animal, served to
feast the whole crew and domestics, his throat having been
cut when he fell, without which operation no Mahomedan
would have touched him. We also had some collops of
266 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
the flesh, which were tolerahly good, though not to he
compared to an English haunch of venison.
I am not writing a book of travels, so shall touch hut
lightly on the scenes and occurrences which presented
themselves on our subsequent route to Dinapore, where
my friends and I parted they remaining there, I, after a
time, continuing my onward course to the capital of the
Moguls.
Hitherto, our route had lain through Bengal, a country
of mud huts and inundations ; but we were now approach-
ing a higher level, and one inhabited by a finer race,
living in a superior climate, and where the Mahomedan
spirit, which approaches nearer to our own, has imparted its
more enduring traces in the shape of substantial towns,
and more lasting, though still decaying monuments and
edifices. Captain Belfield had excited our curiosity by
his account of the ruins of Rajmahal, the some time tran-
sient capital of Bengal, during the reign of the Emperor
Aurungzebe, and we consequently indulged in pleasing
anticipations of the rambling and sketching we were to
enjoy there.
It was evening when we approached that place ; the
sun was setting gloriously on the Ganges as we moored
our boats in a little bay near the ruins, on one horn of
which stood an old grey mosque, partially hidden by
tangled shrubs and jungle, and the tapering and feathery
bamboo one, perhaps, of the greatest and most striking
ornaments of India^i scenery.
"William," said Miss Belfield, "you must positively
remain here to-morrow, for I can never consent to leave
all these fine old ruins unsketched behind me."
Her brother willingly consented to her wish, and a
delightful day of it we had, rambling, pencil in hand,
amongst decaying mosques and dilapidated palaces,
where the voice of the imaun, or the sounds of revelry,
had long given place to the hootings of that mocker of
human vanity, the owl.
There are not, in the whole round of the feelings and
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 267
sensations, any to me so exquisitely, yet sadly pleasing,
as those . that arise in the mind when we wander
amidst the deserted courts of kings, and the monuments
of departed power and glory : how strongly do they link
us with the past, and how powerfully does the imagination,
with such a footing, " body forth " the things that were,
but are not !
Captain Belfield, who, like his sister, as I afterwards
discovered, was somewhat of a poet, though in most
things a matter-of-fact man, amused himself, while we
were sketching, in composing the following lines :
Lines on the Ruins of Rajmalial and the Palace of the Sungy Dulaun,
some time the Capital of Bengal.
Ye mould'ring corridors and halls,
Which o'er the steep your shadows cast ;
Ye ruins drear, which sad recall
The faded glories of the past :
Where the lone trav'ller pensive sighs,
And light winds pipe at evening hour,
Low blending with the lapwing's cries,
The requiems of departed power :
How changed your aspect, since of old
Gay orient pageants filled your bound,
And trumpet and Nagara* told
Of regal state that reign'd around.
Here Sujah,t in his happier hour,
Poor victim of a brother's hate !
Enjoy'd the transient sweets of power,
Bright contrast to his darker fate.
Here Heav'n display'd its vengeful ire,
And Meerunt felt the fatal blow ;
Here fell the retributive fire,
That laid the foul assassin low.
Where once the minstrel's voice was heard,
Now nightly sounds the jackal's yell ;
There hoots the melancholy bird,
Grim cynic of the darksome cell.
* Nagara : royal kettle-drum.
t The Sultan Sujah, brother of Aurungzebe, fled to Arracan, where he
was murdered.
+ Meerun, the assassin of Surajah Dowlah, killed by lightning.
268 MEMOIBS OF A GKIFFIN.
Within the Harem's latticed screen,
Where beauty once its radiance shed,
No bright eyes, save the owl's are seen
The rank green jungle rears its head.
A carcanet of gems the snake
Lies coil'd where jewell'd beauty prest,
Unwinding, seeks the tangled brake,
Or fierce erects his horrid crest.
Column and arch, with sculpture traced,
Crush'd by the peepul's* circling folds,
Like writhing Laocoon embraced,
Art dies and nature empire holds.
Hail, sombre fabric ! type of life
Once gay and smiling, now forlorn ;
Wreck of thyself, with ruin rife,
Of all thy first attractions shorn.
Like some volcano dead its fires
Here now no more the passions rage ;
Ambition, hate, or fierce desires
Long past no longer conflicts wage.
Sadly thou breath' st the moral old,
Earth's vanities man's chequer'd lot,
By seers and sages often told,
In life's fierce tumults soon forgot.
As o'er the mould'ring wrecks of time
With silent step we pensive steal,
In every land, in every clime,
Oh ! say, whence spring those thoughts we feel ?
Why hush'd the passions ? touch'd the heart ?
What prompts us all our state to scan ?
What animates each better part ?
Why breathe we love and peace to man ?
'Tis that awhile withdrawn from cares
Earth's cares, with strife and sorrow fraught,
Sweet contemplation lowly bears
Her treasures to the mint of thought.
In such a frame in stilly tone
Waked fancy hears these words exprest,
" Oh, pilgrim ! this is not your home,
Look upwards for thy place of rest."
A tear trembled in Miss Belfield's eye as she read her
brother's verses ; they had touched some tender chord,
and the feelings they expressed were evidently in unison
* Peepul (Ficu& religiosa) entwines its silvery and tortuous roots around
old buildings, and hastens their destruction.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 269
with her own ; she arose and retired to her cabin, her
head slightly averted, to conceal her emotion. As she
passed, the captain fondly stretched out his hand towards
her; she seized and pressed it it was all the commentary
she made.
The ruins of Rajmahal are not very extensive, nor are
the buildings of any extraordinary magnitude or beauty ;
nevertheless, some mosques, and two or three old gate-
ways, in the Moorish style of architecture, which seems
everywhere to have preserved its original character from
Delhi to Morocco are highly picturesque.
Captain Belfield, who was well acquainted with the
place and its history, acted as our Cicerone, pointing out
the most remarkable buildings ; amongst these, by far the
most considerable was the palace erected by that crafty
and most consummate villain Aurungzebe, of which there
are some very considerable remains, halls, baths, courts,
&c., also the tomb of Meerun, the assassin of Surajah
Dowlah.
Rajmahal was the residence and capital of the unfor-
tunate Sultan Sujah, one of the brothers of Aurungzebe.
The tragic end of this prince, amongst the wilds of Arra-
can, is touchingly related by the accurate historian Bernier,
whose history of this family is a perfect romance. The
relator has traversed the wild forests in Arracan towards
Myamootie, where the hapless Mogul prince is supposed
to have met his fate.
There are Mahomedans naturalized in Arracan, who
differ in many respects from the aborigines, though they
wear a similar garb. They are supposed to be descend-
ants of those followers of Sultan Sujah, who escaped the
massacre described by Bernier, and were retained in
slavery by the Mughs.
When the city of Arracan was captured by the British,
the head of the Mahomedan inhabitants, singularly
enough, bore the name of Sujah. The writer remembers
him well, and a wily fellow he was, playing, on the
approach of the army, a well-managed double game, with
2?0 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
British and Burmese, which was to benefit himself, which-
ever party succeeded.
Poor Sultan Sujah ! the howling forests of Arracan
must have presented a melancholy contrast to the marhle
halls of the palace of Aurungzehe ! Like Sebastian of
Portugal (to whose fate his own bore some resemblance),
he was long believed to be alive, and fondly looked for by
his adherents in India, and several impostors appeared to
personate him.
Rajmahal has long fallen from its palmy state, and what
remains of the town is ruinous, and thinly inhabited.
Leaving this place, we continued our route, having the
woody ranges of hills on our left, at various distances
from the bank of the river.
At Sicrigully, a low spur of the hills touches the
Ganges, crowned at its eminence with an old mosque or
tomb ; beneath is a small bungalow, for travellers, and
hard by, a straggling village.
Here I was gratified by the sight of a brother sports-
man, in the person of an Indian hunter, or shekarri. He
was a little, spare, black creature, a native of the hills (a
race perfectly distinct from the people of the plains),
armed with a matchlock, whilst sundry bags and pouches
adorned his person. He brought a fawn and a brace of
jungle fowls, which he offered for a rupee, and some
English powder and shot.
The jungle fowl are the domestic cock and hen in a
wild state, of which there are many varieties in the East,
though they are not often found in the jungles far beyond
the tropics. The plumage of the cock bird is rich, varied,
and beautiful, far more so than that of the civilized chanti-
cleer ; the hens, however, are generally of a uniform dun
or slate colour, having callow bluish wattles, and spots of
the same colour around the aural orifices. These were
the first I had ever seen, though I had heard them in the
Sunderbunds, and was not a little surprised to learn from
the captain that they were not only game, but capital
shooting also, and what to many may be considered a
MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN. 271
still further recommendation, very good eating to boot
of this, indeed, we had next day satisfactory proof.
So completely, however, are the cock and hen associated
with scenes of civilized life, so perfectly are the highly
respectable couple identified with man and his comforts
the stack and barn-yard that it is almost impossible to
fancy them wild, or still more to " make game " of them.
I recollect well, in after-times, the extraordinary feeling
I experienced on contemplating the first jungle cock I ever
shot. I had heard him sound his bugle-horn just before
a plain, matter-of-fact, English cock-a-doodle-doo;
and there he was, with his comb, bright red wattles, and
fine, curved, drooping tail, lying dead at my feet.
It required the full consideration that I was in a wild
forest in India, to convince me that I had not done one
of those " devilish deeds " perpetrated now and then at
Tgate and 'Ampstead, by adventurous gunners from the
vicinity of Bow Church.
These hills of Bajmahal, with their various attractions
of scenery, wild inhabitants, and peculiar productions, con-
stitute a very pleasant break to what many may deem the
monotony of a voyage up the Ganges in a budgerow ; for
many days they presented to me successive novelties.
One evening, our boats moored at a place called Peer
Pointee a holy saint, OT peer, is interred on a neighbour-
ing eminence and in the evening, after sundown, the
captain, his sister, and myself, took a stroll, in order to
pay our respects to the shrine or tomb of his holiness.
To gain this, we had to ascend a low and rugged hill,
on one side of which, abuut half-way up, is an old mosque,
with an arcade in front, a pendant, doubtless, to the
neighbouring durgah. The path was difficult, but we
soon found ourselves on the spot where the holy man's
ashes are enshrined.
The tomb occupied the centre of a terrace, surrounded
by a low wall. Lamps burnt around it, if I rightly remem-
ber, and the attendant fakeer told the captain, who com-
municated it to us, the legend of Peer Pointee, and the
272 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
cause which obtained him his present celebrity. The par-
ticulars of the legend I have forgotten.
The fakeer assured the captain, that not only was the
memory of the saint venerated by man, but that it was
also held in great respect by the wild beasts of the adjoin-
ing jungles, particularly by the tigers, one of whom came
regularly every Friday night, and swept up the floor of the
durgah with his tail.
It happened that the day of our visit was the very one
on which the tiger was wont to perform this office ; Cap-
tain Belfield told the fakeer that he had a great desire to
witness it, and had some intention of sitting up for the
purpose. The fakeer assured him, however, that it would
be utterly useless, for the animal had such an insuperable
aversion for all but true believers, that, if any other were
near, he would certainly not make his appearance.*
The next day we passed Puttergatta, a woody promi-
nence, where there are some caves, and a pretty white
Hindoo temple. I went on shore to examine them,
and found Chattermohun Ghose paying his respects to
a many- armed god, with goggle eyes, and a vermilion
mouth, seated far back in the dim recess of a temple.
I have already hinted, that I had a regard for Chatter-
mohun, so I thought this a favourable opportunity for
converting him to Christianity, which I forthwith set myself
about to achieve, breaking ground by a few pungent sneers
at his idol. I found Chattermohun, however, a doughty
polemic, and did not make the impression I expected.
" Master will believe what master's father and mother
have teach him for true; Hindoo man do same thing.
S'pose I make change, then will lose caste no one ispek
to me; this very bad thing ; too much for family man."
There was no making anything of him ; he was obsti-
nate, so I gave him up. I must not, however, omit one
little incident, which my proselytizing efforts elicited.
" Master tell Hindoo religion got too many god too
* A fact.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 273
much veneration for image. Master's Europe religion
have plenty god too."
" What do you mean, you foolish fellow ? ;> said I.
''You don't know what you are talking about.
; ' Yes, sare, I know very well. I one Europe hook got
tell all about that/'
To cut the matter short, Chattermohun afterwards
showed me his book, which was the Eoman Pantheon, with
cuts representing the deities of Olympus !
Passing the two picturesque rocks of Colgong, which
stand out in the river, boldly breasting its current, we in
due time reached the headland of Sultangunge, opposite
to which is the romantic islet of Junghera, with its white
temple and curious sculptures.
Here our budgerow was boarded by two sturdy beggars,
who levy contributions from all passers-by ; one of whom
was the Hindoo fakeer from the rock, the other his Maho-
medan vis-a-vis, of the main land, ministers of rival
creeds, but agreed on that point on which we everywhere
find an astonishing unanimity, the auri sacra fames.
The Mahomedan fakeer was a very venerable old man,
with a long beard. He was seated on a decked portion
of the boat, a tiger-skin spread beneath him ; a disciple
in very good case, rowing the boat.
" Mr. Gernon, said Miss Belfield to me, the next
morning, " the scene of yesterday has induced me to try
my poetic powers. Here/' said she, handing me a manu-
script ; " I have courted the Muse with somewhat more
success than you did at Plassey. Pray read this, and give
me your opinion."
EVENING ON THE GANGES.
'Tis eve ! by Ganges palm-clad shore
Now lightly sounds the dipping oar,
As slow it breaks with sparkling gleam
The molten silver of the stream.
And list ! a song, in fitful notes,
Soft o'er the tranquil current floats,
274 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
Mingling its cadence, as it dies,
With the lone hunza's* mournful cries ;
(Sad cries, which, wafted on the gale,
Seem like some pensive spirit's wail ;)
The mullah'sf song, ere, toil-oppress'd,
He seeks his nook and evening rest.
Afar Junghera's rocky isle,
Crown'd by the tapering temple's pile.
On rolls the sacred tide its course
Majestic from its mountain-source,
Afar in dim and mystic glades
Which nought save pilgrim's foot invades,
'Midst ice-bound glens, where, cold and lone,
Hiraaleh rears his snowy throne,
High over realms chaotic hurled,
The monarch of the mountain-world;
Whilst, far away, a sheeted throng
Of spectral peaks his state prolong ;
Cold, death-like, mutes on high they stand,
Eternal nature's pageant band.
Receiving homage as it goes,
Onward the mighty current flows,
Dispensing, as with regal hand,
Its bounteous blessings o'er the land :
Type of that power whose mercies flow
O'er all this wildering scene below.
But ah ! too oft its noble tide
By horrid sacrifices dyed,
Whilst bright self-immolating pyres
Shed o'er the stream their flickering fires.
Now from cool groves, whose mellow shades
No prying ray of light invades,
The low, fond cooings of the dove
Tell 'tis the hour of peace and love ;
And light-winged zephyrs gently play
O'er the Mimosa's quivering spray.
The setting sun its parting gleam
Sheds over Gunga's sacred stream,
Which seems to blush as waning light
Consigns her to the arms of night ;
And many a mosque and idol-fane
Reflect the crimson h ue of shame,
Which slowly seems to ebb away
The vital tide of dying day.
* The hnnza, or braminy duck. They fly in couples, have a plaintive
cry, and are considered emblems of constancy by the natives. They are
the Mujnoon and Leila of the stream. The hunza is the ensign of the
Burman, as was the eagle of the Roman empire.
f milah boatman.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 275
By yon blue mountain's brow afar
Now twinkles bright the evening star ;
Translucent ray ! the brightest gem
That decks its glittering diadem.
Now deeper shades invest the shore,
The weary boatman rests his oar,
Glides slowly, that his eye may seek
The shelter of some friendly creek.
Abroad the night winds freely rove,
And countless fire-flies deck the grove.
Swift-winged brilliants ! gems of light !
Bright jewels -of the tropic night,
Than which the diamond of the mine
In richer lustre ne'er could shine !
Now sparkling forth from nook and bay,
Long-scattered fires succeed the day,
And round them gathering, to their meal,
The dusky forms of boatmen steal,
Like wizard demons of the wold,
Who round a pile their orgies hold,
Framing, on Scandinavian fell,
Some direful charm or potent spell.
The simple meal despatched, the song
And merry dram the joy prolong ;
Or some light jocund tale gives birth
To honest bursts of simple mirth.
At length, the song and story past,
Silence profound succeeds at last,
By every sound unbroken, save
The turtle's splash or rippling wave.
Thus by life's woes and cares opprest,
The weary spirit sinks to rest,
And ebon pall and marble tomb
Invest the closing scene with gloom.
But cease not thus in sombre guise.
As o'er that darkling stream
Another sun shall haply rise,
To cheer it with its beam.
So, on the soul, its chast'ning o'er,
Shall burst eternal light
The light that gilds that happy shore.
Whose day shall know no night.
A few days more brought us to Boglipore, a very beau-
tiful station, surrounded by rich park-like scenery.
Having visited the boiling spring of Seetacoond, to
which a plentiful crop of legends is attached by the cre-
276 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
dulous natives, filled a few bottles with the water, which
is remarkable for its purity, and I believe medicinal virtues
(though, as I was not much of a water-fancier at that
time, I rather give this on report than from actual experi-
ence), we soon reached the ancient fortress of Monghyr, a
place which cuts a considerable figure in Indian history,
altbough more celebrated in modern times as the seat
of an extensive manufactory of tea-kettles, turn-screws,
toasting-forks, &c., as also of fire-arms, after European
models.
These guns have occasionally winged a few griffs,
and have consequently a bad name, though the vendors
are willing to prove tbem in your presence. Nevertheless,
though dirt-cheap, they are not often bought, except by
the very green. There is no enjoyment in a suspected
gun, any more than in a doubtful egg.
On bringing to at the ghaut, we perceived a regiment
of chapmen, all eager to present their wares. One fellow
carried a huge tea-kettle, another a double-barrelled gun,
a third a chafing-dish and a handful of toasting-forks, a
fourth a cage of beautiful green and blue birds from the
hills, &c.
With these gentry I drove several bargains, assisted by
Kamdial, who afterwards had to fight a few stout battles
on his own account for dustoorie, or customary perquisites,
claimed, though unwillingly allowed, on all disbursements
in India.
A rare stock of valuables I had on leaving Monghyr,
including three cages of birds, one of avidavats, all swept
off, some time after, by a terrible epidemic, which found
its way amongst them.
Here I observed, for the first time, a peculiar mode of
capturing the river turtle; several natives paddled a light
dingy or canoe along, one standing in the prow, with a
light dart or harpoon in his hand ; presently I saw a huge
turtle raise his head above the water, and in an instant the
harpooner flung his light weapon, having a cord attached,
which reached its object with an unerring aim ; all was
MEMOIKS OF A GKIFFIN. 277
now bustle, and in a few minutes I saw them haul in a
turtle, which, as far as looks went, might have made an
alderman's mouth water.
As I am on the subject of harpooning, I may here
mention a somewhat similar mode in which the natives
catch the mullets. These fish, the most delicious and
highly prized of the Ganges, swim in shoals in the shal-
lows, with their heads partly above the surface of the
water : the shape of which, by the way, and position of
the large eyes, give them much the appearance of serpents
indeed, the first I saw, I took for a brood of water-
snakes.
The dandie, or fisherman, whoever the sportsman may
be, follows them in a crouching attitude, having in his
hand a long light bamboo, terminating in a number of un-
barbed spikes, fastened on like the head of a painting
brush ; and when within striking distance, he launches
this slantingly amongst the shoal, transfixing one or two
fish, perhaps, whilst the rest dive or swim off, and soon
re- appear with their heads as before, above the water, and
slowly stemming the current. I used to watch this opera-
tion with great interest, but could never make anything
of it myself, though I often essayed.
The fort of Monghyr is of vast extent, though the
walls are now in a decayed and dilapidated state ; within
the wide area are tanks, bungalows, and some fine houses
on rising grounds, commanding fine views of the ruins,
and the distant woods and hills, which latter here present
a rather bold and serrated outline.
A few days more, and we were gliding past the great
Mahomedan city of Patna, and in a short time after we found
ourselves moored off the military cantonment of Dinapore
a second edition of Burhampore and the station of a
brigade of troops, European and native.
Here are two fine squares of officers' quarters and bar-
racks, with numerous bungalows to the rear of them,
somewhat similar in their disposition and appearance to
those at Burhampore.
278 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
Here, as I before mentioned, I was destined to part with
my kind and amiable companions, who were engaged to
visit a friend at Patna for a month before proceeding to
their ultimate destination. Our leave-taking was marked
by unequivocal proofs that we had become dear to one
another ; and both gave me little tokens of their remem-
brance.
CHAPTEE XXIT.
ON the evening of my arrival at Dinapore, I was sitting
on the roof of my boat, observing the dobees, or washer-
men, thumping their clothes, natives cleaning their teeth
with primitive tooth-brushes of stick, and other similar
sights which diversify the animating scene of an Indian
ghaut, when the distant and inspiring strains of a full
military band broke upon my ear. " Egad ! " thought I,
" there's some fun going on ; a promenade, no doubt, with
all the beauty and fashion of Dinapore assembled ; I'll
go and see."
I ordered Ramdial to bring out tliejubba walla coortie
(the laced jacket), which had never yet graced my person
in any public assembly. A splendid thing it was, with a
huge silver epaulet, and " tastily turned up with a brim-
stone-coloured lapelle ;" I thought there could hardly be
its fellow in all Dinapore. A neat white waistcoat, crim-
son sash (tied in a degage knot under the fifth rib), coatee
over all, hat a shade on one side, and flourishing a clean
bandanna in my hand, with a sprinkling of lavender upon
it, me voila y an ensign of the first water.
I soon reached the scene of attraction in the principal
square, and a lively scene it was. There were congre-
gated groups of officers, chatting and laughing around
belles seated in tonjons; others, three or four abreast,
promenading backwards and forwards, hands behind them,
MEMOIBS OF A GRIFFIN. 279
and examining the structure of their legs ; gigs and car-
riages drawn up, their occupants attentively listening;
syces walking their masters' chargers up and down;
chuprassies, silver-stick men, and other native servants,
mingled with the throng of sepoy orderlies and European
soldiers in undress.
I mingled with the crowd, and promenaded too ; hut,
alas! I knew no one; and who so solitary as he who,
amongst a crowd, experiences the sickening reflection
that there is no one of the many assembled with whom
he holds the slightest community of thought or feeling !
The shades of evening were deepening the assembly
thinning ihejinale, " God save the King," was playing
busy memory had awakened thoughts of those who
did regard me, far, far away and I was waxing thought-
ful and sad, when I suddenly heard the sound of a
familiar voice.
I turned, and recognized in the speaker my shipmate
and brother-cadet, honest Grundy. I sprang forward to
address him.
God knows for it is hard to answer for that fickle
and selfish thing, the human heart, which has rarely the
courage to brave the " world's dread laugh," and follow
its owi more generous dictates whether I should always
have lone it with equal promptitude, for Grundy, in a
mere fashionable sense, was not an acquaintance to be
proud of; but now I stood in need of sympathy, and
there are seasons when anything in the shape of a friend
is acceptable when we are not fastidious, and are over-
joyed to exchange greetings with aught in the shape of
hummity.
"Grrundy, my boy," said I, facing him, "don't you
knov me?"
Grundy stared vacantly for a moment, for I was con-
siderably metamorphosed by my new habiliments; but
soon recognizing me, his features relaxed into an expres-
sioa of good-humoured delight,
' Odds life, Gernon ! is that you, man ? " said he,
280 MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN.
grasping my hand; "why whaur the dickens are you
from?"
I soon satisfied him, and he told me he was now
doing duty with a regiment, at Dinapore, and lived in a
bungalow not very far off.
" Are you alone, Grundy ? " said I.
" Alone ! " replied my friend with a sigh ; " oh, no ;
there are six of us in the bungalow Griff Hall, as they
call it all young hands, none of us a year in the
country, and a tearing life we lead ; it does not suit me
at all, though, and I mean to leave them as soon as I
can get another place and a quiet man to chum wi:h.
" Yes, I know your pacific habits, Grundy, and
wonder how you got amongst such a set ; who and what
are they ? "
" Why, there's first, Mr. McScreechum, an assistant
surgeon ; three infantry ensigns, besides myself, and a
Lieut. Fireworker,* of artillery. I think they ire all
mad, particularly the doctor, for such a man for mischief
I never met with in all my born days. But, Gernon,
lad, I hope you will stay for a day or two, at least," said
he, slapping me on the shoulder ; " for it glads mj heart
to see you again, man."
I accepted Grundy's invitation, and we proceeded to
Griff Hall.
We found the doctor, with two or three others, on the
chabootra, or terrace, of the bungalow, all laughing and
joking. The former, a huge fellow, six feet two, with a
freckled face and a carroty poll, in the act of compound-
ing a glass of brandy- and- water. Grundy presentel me
as his friend on the way to join my regiment.
" Glod to see ye, sir ; glod to see ye," said the doctor,
presenting me his shoulder- of-mutton hand; "we'll use
you weel at Griff Hall, sir, and eeneetiate ye intoo oor
Eleuseenian mesteries. What's for dinner, Larking? *'
said he, turning to a slender, pale youth, in a red caniet
* Sub-lieuts. of artillery, a few years ago, were called Lieut. Fre-
workers : the rank is now abolished.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 281
raggie ; " what have ye got for a treat to-night ? Nae
mair of your d d skeenny kid and tough goat mutton
I hope. Ah ! ye'r a braw chiel to cater for a gentle-
man's mess/'
" I'll resign my post to you with pleasure, doctor, if
not satisfied with my proceedings," replied the caterer ;
" but I think things will be better to-day, for I have
given Eumjohn a good trouncing for palming that stuff
upon us yesterday. I'll tell you what there is, doctor,
by the bye, a capital rooee muchee,* for I secured it my-
self this morning."
" Weell," said the doctor, " a rooee muchee's nae bad
thing, if it's frash."
At this moment, three more ensigns, inmates of Griff
Hall, hove in sight, rattling up on tattooes, or galloways
tits combining some pleasant varieties of fiddle-head,
goose-rump, swish-tail, &c.
In India, every one (i.e., European officer) must keep
a piece of horse-flesh of some sort or other, though it
must be allowed that griffins, for obvious reasons, were
never remarkable for possessing superior studs. As the
new-comers approached, full canter and shuffle, the doc-
tor put forth a screech, compounded of an Indian war-
whoop and a view halloo, by way of welcome : the fun
was evidently beginning.
One of the ensigns on the terrace jumped down into
the road, took his hat off his head, whirled it round, and
hooted loudly, to make his friends' horses bolt or shy.
The doctor, too, seizing a sort of long besom which
stood in an angle of the bungalow wall, darted forward
with it to aid in putting the detachment to the
rout.
" Doctor, what the deuce are you about, man ? "
shouted the immediate object of his attack ; " don't be
so infernally ridiculous."
" Stir him oop with the lang pole," roared the doctor,
* Rooee muchee, a huge fish of the carp kind, one of the best in
India.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
nothing daunted ; " stir oop the homhardier's wonderful
animal."
And so saying, he poked the hesom under the tail of
the tattoo, who resented this rear attack hy launching
out his heels, jerked off the Lieut. Fireworker's cap, and
finally bolted, with his rider half- unseated, across the
compound, amidst the shouts and laughter of his com-
rades, the doctor, with his wild red locks flying, and his
feet in slippers, pursuing him with his besom at the pas
de charge.
McScreechum soon returned, puffing and blowing, and
flourishing his besom, and the Lieut. Fireworker shortly
after joined the group, having disposed of his runaway
Bucephalus, but with a countenance darkly portentous
of mischief.
"Dr. McScreechum," said he, "I'll thank you, sir,
not to take such liberties with me in future, for I will
not put up with them/'
" Stir him oop with the lang pole," said the doctor,
still flourishing his besom.
" Others may submit to them, but I will not."
"Stir him oop with the lang pole/' again replied
McScreechum.
All joined the medico in rallying the indignant lieu-
tenant out of his wrath. The good-humoured Scotch-
man brewed and presented him a glass of grog, to allay
the fury of " the black dog," as he termed it.
" A soft answer turneth away wrath," saith the pro-
verb, and on the same principle, even a practical joke,
though ever to be avoided, may be so softened by a little
tact as to allay the anger which, in nine cases out of ten,
it is sure to excite.
All these wild doings at an end, and matters properly
composed, we adjourned to the dining-room, being sum-
moned by a rather dingy-looking butler, or khanseman,
very much resembling the worthy who has been recorded
in these pages as having so suddenly decamped with my
plate-chest.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 283
Six -wall shades with oil glasses, a long table oc-
cupying the centre of the room, and about as many
chairs as guests, constituted the sum total of the furni-
ture.
In accordance with the almost universal custom of the
military circles in India, camp fashion was the order of
the day that is, each gentleman had his own plates,
knives and forks, and glasses, with a brace of muffineers,
containing pepper and salt, flanking the same ; these
last, of every variety of size and shape, of glass, silver,
or pewter, with a corresponding variety of patterns in
the cutlery and plates, constituted as motley a show as
can well be imagined.
The servants, too, were of the Kum-Johnny order a
dissolute, dirty set of Mahomedans, whom I have before
described those usually picked up by young officers on
account of their speaking the English language, a quali-
fication which is pretty certain to insure their rejection
by old Indians. The dingy attire and roguish looks of
these fellows harmonized well with the style of the en-
tertainment.
The doctor took the head of the table ; the noble fra-
ternity of Griff Hall and their guests were soon seated.
The khanseman-jee appeared, staggering under a huge
dish, which he deposited at the head of the table ;
having done so, he lifted up the cover with the air of a
major-domo, and there smoked the rooee muchee already
mentioned.
" Wha's for fesh ? " asked the doctor, plying the fish-
knife with the vigour of an Irish bricklayer when hand-
ling his trowel. " Wha's for fesh ? Here's a bonnie
fellow ; ' a sight like this is gude for sair een,' as my old
father, the provost, used to say."
The rooee muchee was in great request, and other
viands followed, all very good of their kind, I thought,
and proving the efficacy of the rattan in some cases.
Great was the talking and laughing, and the dinner
sped merrily. Never has it been my lot to encounter
284 MEMOIBS OF A GRIFFIN.
a more light-hearted, thoughtless, and jovial set of
fellows than the inmates of Griff Hall.
The cloth removed, hookhas bubbled ; the bottle
passed freely, and the conversation became animated ;
among other things, the scenes and flirtations at the
band that evening were passed in review.
" Who noticed Miss Simper, the new spin, talking to
that old fellow, MacGlashum ? " said Ensign O'Toole,
a young Hibernian ; " sure I hope she's not going to take
that broken-winded old-fellow."
" By my saul, I don't know," replied Ensign Mac
Claymore; "but I think if she gets a major, and a gude
Scotchman to boot, she could na do better."
" Faith, I think she'd find an Irishman suit her better
than an old or a young Scotchman aither : oh, an Irish-
man's heart for the ladies ! "
" Meaning yourself, I suppose/' retorted the High-
lander, dryly ; " you Paddies think there's nought like
yeer'sels in the world/'
" Faith, now, I don't think we've half the consait of
your Scotchmen, at all," replied O'Toole, " though a
grate dale more to be proud of. Where will you find
janius like that which auld Ireland has produced such
poets, statesmen, and haroes ? "
" Proud ! " said the other contemptuously ; " hooever
may fall short in those respects, thank Gude, auld Scot-
land was never conquered, never conquered, sir, as some
other countries have been."
" I'll tell you the reason," said the other bitterly ; " the
poor beggarly country was never worth the trouble and
expense of conquering."
" Eh ! sir," said the young Caledonian, his eyes flash-
ing fire, " what's that you say, sir ? I'll no sit here and
listen to that. What do you mean, sir ? )J
"Mean !" retorted the other, sternly, "just what I've
said, Ensign MacClaymore, and so just make your most
of it ; if you've more to add, let it be outside."
Several attempts were made to check this angry dia-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 285
logue, but in vain. All was now confusion; the angry
patriots half arose, and darted fierce looks at each other
across the table, their more peacefully disposed neighbours
endeavouring to quiet and retain them in their seats.
Things were fast verging towards " war, horrid war/'
Dr. McScreechuin now arose, like Satan in Pande-
monium, thumped the table to engage attention, and with
the' voice of a Stentor, proclaimed silence, and called
the belligerents to order.
" Gentlemen," said the doctor, " silence if you please,
and listen to me. I am the moderator of this assembly,
and by vairtue of the pooers confided to me, I proclaim
pax. I'll have na quarrelling here ; doun wi' your fool-
ish naytionalities ; aren't we all kintramen and brithers,
as my gude old father, the provost, used to say ? You,
Donald MacClayrnore, and you, Denis O'Toole, I'll fine
you each a dozen of claret, and proclaim you baith ootlaws
of Griff Hall, unless you shak hands, like sensible
fellows ; shak hands, ye fire-eating donnard deevils ye,
and then I'll gee ye a sang. ' Auld lang syne, my dear,
for a' lang syne/ Wha's for a sang? " This seasonable
interruption, in the doctor's peculiar way, turned the tide
of war. A furious drumming on the table followed;
glasses danced and jingled, and "Auld lang syne for
ever ! " resounded through the hall. MacClaymore and
O'Toole caught the spirit of the movement, shook hands
across the table, and the glorious Scottish air broke
forth splendidly, like an elegy over buried animosities.
The doctor, half-seas-over, was now completely in his
element ; his huge red head rolled from side to side, and
one eye, half shut, leered with Bacchanalian philanthropy
around the table.
Thus he stood, his arms crossed, and holding the hand
of each of his right and left neighbours, as he worked
them up and down with a force and energy proportioned
to the varying sentiments of that celebrated ditty, which
has to answer for being the proximate cause of more
boozing and maudlin sentimentality than any ever
286 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
written ; for oh, that potent collocation of words, " for
auld lang syne," goes direct to the exile's heart, particu-
larly when softened by the genial glass ; touches its ten-
derest chords, and awakens, like the " Kanz de vaches/'
the sweetest and most soul subduing reminiscences of
youth, and all its never-to-be-forgotten associations.
After this bout, anchovy toasts and broiled bones were
put in requisition, Ensign O'Toole insisted upon mulling
a saucepanful of port, to keep the beer and claret warm.
At length, some fell asleep in their chairs ; others, in-
cluding Grundy and myself, dropped off to bed, though
abused by the peep-o'-day boys for our recreant qualities.
Away we went, heartily tired, leaving a few choice
spirits to keep it up, the doctor talking in thick and
almost inarticulate tone about " Sheshero's Epeestles to
Hatticus."
" You may well be tired of such a life as this/' said I,
next morning ; "it would kill me in a week ; how do you
stand it?"
" Why," replied Grundy, " I keep as clear of it as I
can ; besides, it is not very often that we have quite such
a jollification as we had last night ; however, the eternal
racket we have does not suit me, and I shall cut it as soon
as I can ; it goes against my conscience, too, to witness
some of the tricks they play upon one another. One
day they hanged one of the lads for fun by the punkah
rope till he was black in the face ; and about a month
ago sent a sub., a poor soft fellow, a voyage on the Gan-
ges in an open boat ; and as he did not return for a week,
it was a mercy he was not starved or drowned."
" How was this, Grundy ? " said I.
" Why, the doctor and the lads were always poking
fun at him, and making him a boot (butt). One night,
something such another as last, they made him believe
he had been insoolted, and must fight. Sawney said he
would rather take an apology, but they told him it was
quite impossible that the affront could ever be washed
out but with the blood of one of them. They said it
MEMOIRS OP A GRIFFIN. 287
must be settled immediately, and went out with lanterns
to the hack of the bungalow. The unfortunate lad was
in a dreadful fright, but they made him fire ; the pistols
were loaded with powder only, but his antagonist fell ;
they said he had killed his man, and must fly immedi-
ately, or, if he fell into the hands of the civil power, he
would inevitably be hanged. They hurried the poor
young fellow off the ghaut, put him on board a fishing-
canoe, telling him to row for his life till he came to some
station, one hundred miles or so down the river, where
he would have a better chance of a fair trial, and must give
himself up. It was about a week before he was brought
back to cantonments, burnt as black as a tinker. There
was a terrible kick-up about it, and well there might be,
for 'twas a cruel joke. The doctor and all the parties
concerned were threatened with a court-martial ; but,
somehow or other, it all blew over."
Pranks such as these are now, I believe, happily rare
in India, as everywhere else ; but those who remember
the country twenty or thirty years ago will doubtless be
able to recall many such manifestations of boyish folly.
It is not desirable that youth should be converted pre-
maturely into thoughtful philosophy ; care, in the
ordinary course of things, will come soon enough, and
need not be hastened ; but I am an advocate for its
buoyancies being restrained within moderate bounds, that
with it fun should not be allowed to degenerate into mis-
chief or cruelty, wit in vulgarity, and friendly intimacy
into coarse familiarity and practical joking.
We breakfasted very late, and the tenants of Griff
Hall dropped in one by one en deshabille, evincing pain-
ful symptoms of the previous night's debauch red eyes,
trembling hand, and glued lips. One took a dose of
seidlitz, another five grains of calomel, and as for appe-
tite, there was none.
These are a few of the early effects of intemperance ; its
ultimate consequences are not so briefly described.
I remained but one day more at Dinapore, which was
288 MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN.
partly devoted to reporting my arrival, en route to join
a measure enjoined on all military voyagers, but not
always attended to. I also saw the troops, European
and native, at brigade exercise, &c. ; and in the evening
witnessed a tattoo race officers riding their own ponies.
This was a very comical affair.
It was a little before sunset when Grundy, the Lieu-
tenant Fireworker (who had entered his pony), and I,
walked down to the course, which is situated a little
behind the cantonment, being separated from it by a dry
nullah,* over which there are one or two bridges.
We found a great number of the inhabitants of the
cantonment some in gigs, some on horseback, and others
on foot assembled to witness the sport.
There was a good show of ponies, some of them
certainly " rum'uns" to look at, but, as was fully proved
in the sequel, " devils to go." Long tails and swish tails,
stumps, crops, and wall-eyes were there in perfection.
The young officers who were to ride them, amongst whom
I recognized more than one of the inmates of Griff
Hall, marched about in their top boots and velvet hunt-
ing-caps, cracking their whips with countenances ex-
pressive of the full sense they entertained of the awful
contest in which they were about to be engaged.
Some, too, tightened their ponies' girths ; others passed
their hands down their fore-legs, as if to rub out the
knots and clean the back sinews ; some put their arms
lovingly round their animals' necks, or gratified their love
of tormenting by pinching the flanks of their steeds, and
enjoying their abortive attempts to bite.
Amongst this throng was a very remarkable character,
-well known at Dinapore, the clerk of the course, or
whatever other name properly appertains to the master of
the ceremonies on such occasions. He was a little, old,
sun-dried, invalid sergeant, of a meagre form, but most
determined spirit. I was greatly amused by the con-
sequential air of the diminutive old fellow, as he stumped
* Brook.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 289
about in a rusty hunting-cap, cracking a tremendous
whip, and clearing the environs of dogs, boys, and all
other interlopers.
The time for the race having arrived, the young men
mounted, some in red jackets, some in white, and others
in full jockey attire. The clerk of the course ranged
them all in proper order ; eagerness was in every eye as
they bent forward, impatient for the word. Ladies stood
up in carriages, and many a neck was outstretched to
catch a glimpse of the start : when at last a thundering
" Ready," " Off," from the little mummified sergeant, and
away flew the tattoos, " Punch," " Cocktail," and " Mat-
o'-the-Mint," and many a nameless steed besides. Such
digging, spurring, and straining; such crossing and
jostling as was there ! one pushing ahead for a space, and
then another passing him, and so on !
When the whole troop had got about half-way round
(it was a sweepstakes, round the course), the leading
pony bolted, and was followed by all the rest, entering
the gates leading to a bungalow, the first of a series
there commencing ; there they very deliberately drew up,
where doubtless they had often drawn up before, when
carrying their masters on their rounds of morning visits.
Intense were the roars of laughter which issued from
the spectators assembled, occasioned by this little episode.
Haul, dig, pound, and spur, and they were again placed,
and off but ah ! the unlucky fates ! the meridian of
another bungalow entrance no sooner reached, than away
with them again, follow my leader, like a flock of sheep
through a gap, or a string of wild geese.
I thought verily I should have died outright, and as
for honest Grundy, and many of my neighbours, they
stamped and roared till the tears ran down their cheeks.
All this time we could see, though the distance was
considerable, that the jockeys were hard at work, getting
their tattoos once more under weigh through the opposite
segment of road leading from the attractive bungalow, the
other horn, as it might have been termed, of the dilemma.
290 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
The course regained, away they went once more : the
struggle was becoming warm ; they had turned the curve,
and were in a line with the winning-post; bettors were
now on the qui vive " ten to one on Cocktail " the
little sergeant squatting hands on knees, taking a judg-
matical observation, when lo ! no sooner had they reached
a certain bridge before mentioned, leading in a rectan-
gular direction to cantonments, than away they sidled,
and at last one and all made a fair bolt of it, right before
the wind, for " home, sweet home."
" Zounds ! " said the sergeant, " if they bea'nt all off
agin, I'm a Dutchman."
And off sure enough they were, amidst renewed peals
of laughter. I doubt if any race ever produced half the
amusement. " They are gone, they are gone, and never
will return."
This was literally the case with some ; but several of
the heavy sailers managed to tack, and came in amidst
the half-mad shouts of unexpected winners, proving truly
that " the race is not always to the swift," and that the
best-founded expectations may be unexpectedly dis-
appointed.
Two or three races on a smaller scale followed ; but
all was flat after the unique scamper I have attempted to
describe ; pleasure and excitement had expended them-
selves, and were not to be renewed immediately. Under
these circumstances, Grundy and I bent our steps to-
wards the band, accompanied by the young artillery
officer, who, having proved the winner, was in high
spirits.
Our dinner this evening passed off far more soberly
than that of the preceding one. The doctor was evi-
dently suffering from a reaction of the vital spirits, and
on more than one occasion seemed disposed, like a
certain old gentleman when he was sick, to be religious
and sentimental. After a bottle or two of Hodgson,
however, and a due proportion of claret, he rallied, and
proposed a round game at loo, as a mode of passing the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 291
evening, which was joyfully assented to by the whole
party.
The tables were consequently cleared, wine-glasses,
c., were placed on tea-poys and side-tables, and to work
we all proceeded, keeping it up till two in the morning,
when I retired minus a very considerable pinch of
General Capsicum's "snuff," with a firm determination
to cut cards from that time for evermore : a resolution
which I religiously kept till the next time temptation
came in my way.
At the time to which my Memoirs refer and I am
not aware that any material change has since taken place
gambling was unfortunately too prevalent in India, I
have known nearly the whole of a small station, ladies
inclusive, keep it up for weeks, alternately at each other's
houses, rarely missing a day.
The party would assemble after breakfast, and having
distributed fish, and set pen and ink to write I O U's,
would commence business in good earnest. Tiffin would
constitute a break, and after being rather impatiently
despatched, operations would be resumed, and continued
till time for the evening's drive. After this, and dinner
over, another round of this absorbing amusement would
close the day.
What a world of bad feeling in men, of keenness and
unfeminine cupidity in women, have I seen elicited on
those occasions, and what studies for the curious in
physiognomy ; what expressions of various kinds have I
observed in the faces of the party, when the hour drew
near for inditing I O U's and settling the accounts of
Dr. and Or. ; what earnest pleadings for another round
on the part of the losers, and conscientiously-expressed
determinations to retire to rest on the part of the
winners !
Cards and dice are pests, the offspring of idleness, and
the parents of vice and crime. They are the concomi-
tants of semi-barbarism, and their gradual disappearance
is one of the indices of advancing civilization and
u 2
292 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
mental improvement. I began to think this one night
after losing Us. 1,100 at hazard and double-or-quits, and
the impression has continued to gain strength ever since.
Next morning, after breakfast, I bade adieu to Griff
Hall and honest Grundy; had my hand almost squeezed
to a jelly by the good-natured son of the provost, and,
repairing on board my bolio, was soon once more under
weigh for the " far west."
Very different, however, were the feelings which now
attended my onward progression. I had lost my kind
and pleasant Mentor, Captain Belfield, and his amiable
maiden sister. There were no more social rambles, no
more agreeable disquisitions, no more tours in search of
the picturesque, no more chess.
I felt how insufficient, my own thoughts were to supply
the hiatus caused by their absence, and mentally ejacu-
lated, as I occupied my lonely cabin at night, with poor
Alexander Selkirk,
" Oh, solitude, where are the charms
That sages have seen in thy face ? "
I cannot quit the subject of my two friends without
saying a few more words regarding them. I have already
stated briefly that Captain Belfield and his sister afforded
a fine example of that tender attachment that perfect
love and affection which should ever subsist between
persons so nearly connected. They truly lived for each
other, and the imparting of mutual pleasure seemed to
constitute one of the highest gratifications of their lives.
It was quite refreshing to observe the warmth and
cordiality with which they met in the morning, as she,
the picture of neatness and refined simplicity the very
beau ideal of the real English gentlewoman stepped
from the sleeping apartment of the budgerow, whilst he,
closing his ponderous Sanscrit or Persian folio, and
laying it on the breakfast- table, would rise with extended
hand and a cheerful smile to greet her. Then at night,
too, after the short but fervent prayer to the Father of
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 293
all, which the captain himself would offer up extempore,
how attentively would he light her taper, and then
with a tender salute commend her to her chamber and
repose.
If two or three can love in this way, I have since
sometimes thought, why not all the world ? but all the
world, my good griffin, are not brothers and sisters.
True, true ; I had forgotten that. The more, alas ! the
pity.
Though, however, the hearts of the pair were thus
united, there was not an equal accordance in all their
sentiments and opinions. This, however, though pro-
ductive of numerous discussions, never led to acrimonious
disputes. They agreed to disagree. Nature had cast
the brother and sister in the same mental mould, to
borrow a phrenological term (which I do with respect) ;
the organization was equal. The same fine sense and
kindliness of disposition in both ; but circumstances had
favoured in different degrees the development of their
respective qualities. Benevolence, veneration, and ideality
must have been large in both, though the captain had
evidently been at pains to curb the vagaries of the latter.
He had left his home a mere boy, with his mind almost
a blank sheet, on which anything might have been
inscribed. Whilst others his contemporaries plunged
into idleness and dissipation, he, by some chance, flew to
the solace of books. In them he studied that mystery
of mysteries man, comparing, as life advanced, the
living manifestations of his character with all that he
found recorded of his acts; he perused the works of
historians, theologians, and metaphysicians, on all sides
of all questions ; and arrived at one grand conclusion,
which is, that truth is a very hard thing to get at, and,
like the ideal good of Goldsmith's Traveller, " allures
from far, and as we follow, flies/' He certainly sought
it ardently, though he could not felicitate himself, he
said, exactly in having yet found the " true truth." A
self-taught genius, who thought vigorously, and expressed
294 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
himself strongly, he was, no doubt, somewhat of an
Utopian ; at least such I know Captain Marpeet thought
him.
Miss Belfield had been reared in the elegant seclusion,
but subject lo the somewhat contracting influences of
an English country life (nature, if I may so express it,
seems to have intended nations as well as individuals to
be gregarious), enjoying in her father's pretty vicarage
her pets, her flowers, and the agreeable and polished
society of the superior gentry of the vicinity. In the
neighbouring village she dispensed her little charities,
assuaged the sorrows of the poor and needy, and did all
the good she could in her limited sphere ; but of the
sufferings of the world on a grand scale she knew not
much, and as little understood, perhaps, their real causes
and remedies. High as were her qualities of heart and
intellect and admirably would she write and speak on
all matters on which she allowed them free scope she
was not (and who is?) without a defect; hers was one
frequently to be met with amongst the most amiable and
estimable of our countrywomen, a gentle intolerance and
quiet assumption of infallibility on those subjects on
which a very little reading and reflection ought, perhaps,
to convince us that we should hold our opinions with
the most trembling diffidence I mean religion, and
other kindred subjects relating to the powers and duties
of mind, and the great interests of society, but par-
ticularly the former. This would evince itself in the
expression of extreme pity and commiseration for the
obstinacy or delusion of those who conscientiously
differed from her in such matters, she, by her manner,
never seeming to entertain the smallest shade of
suspicion that she herself might be in error. This
spirit, partially veiled by the graces of her manner, the
kindness of her heart, and the evident rectitude of her
intentions, did not look so ill as the ugly monster in-
tolerance generally does ; still it was her dark side, and
but ill accorded with the general good sense by which she
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 295
was characterized ; her reading on these points had been
as exclusive as her brother's had been general.
Equally holding to certain fundamental points, they
were both anxious to regenerate mankind, but were
widely opposed in respect to the means to be employed
for that purpose. The captain looked primarily to
schools, lectures, locomotion,, and the wide diffusion of
commerce and intelligence, and thought if man fell by
eating of the tree of knowledge, he figuratively was
destined to rise by a repetition of the act. Miss Belfield
principally relied on the multiplication of churches and
Sunday-schools, the extension of missionary labours, the
early conversion of the Jews, and the like. He thought
that religion was the first subject to which an instructed
mind would direct its attention. Miss Belfield, on the
contrary, considered it the very last on which, if not
forced upon him, he would seek to be informed. She
considered man as radically vicious, that suffering was
necessary to try him, and that it was perhaps better to
preach resignation to evils, than to waste time in vain
attempts to diminish them materially. Her brother
differed, too, in this, and thought that happiness was
quite as well calculated to fit us for heaven as
misery ; and that it was almost a libel on the Deity to
suppose that the thanks and praises of a rejoicing
heart would not be as acceptable as those emanating
from one bowed down by sorrow and suffering. He
thought that the evils inseparably annexed to our con-
dition, such as death, sickness, and the loss of those
tenderly beloved, were trials sufficient, without our
unnecessarily increasing the load by fictitious ones
clearly the result of our follies, contentions, and
prejudices.
He used to compare society, as at present constituted,
to a body of undisciplined troops, composed of jarring
detachments, under incompetent leaders, and amongst
whom the finest military qualities and powers are neutral-
ized or impaired by want of concert and organization.
296 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
"Educate your masses," he would say, "for without
you do that no conceivable form of government will pro-
duce happiness to the governed. Construct the finest
piece of mechanism you may, on the strictest principles
of art, if the material is rotten and unsound, it must give
at some point the due antagonism of its springs will be
destroyed, and it will not work."
This diversity of views, which I have endeavoured to
describe, used to give rise, as I have already stated, to
numerous animated discussions.
I used to listen to these collisions of intellect, during
the evenings we passed together, with much interest ; and
when I could see my way through the pros and cons,
was wont sometimes to venture an opinion, to which the
captain and his sister always listened with eagerness, as
if anxious to know how the matter would strike on my
young and unsophisticated mind.
Some of these discussions, that is, the substance of
them, I still remember, and had I space, and were this
the place for them, I might here be tempted to record.
Lest my reader may be inclined to think otherwise, I
must here state, in justice to the good captain, now no
more, that he was no leveller r he considered perfect
equality as impracticable as to construct a perfect column
without a base and a capital, and that the fabric of society
must ever fine away to a point, but that instead of being,
as at present, founded, in great part, on misery, preju-
dice, indigence, and ignorance, it might be made to rest
on the solid basis of virtue and happiness.
His grand axiom was and he used frequently to re-
peat it to his sister " If by reading, observation, and
reflection, I have learnt anything respecting my fellow-
creatures, it is this : that eight-tenths of their sufferings
have been and are entirely of their own creation, and
that it is within the powers of the human mind to dimin-
ish the amount of moral and physical evil to an 'incal-
culable extent. The upper classes appear to govern the
world, but in reality it is the ignorance and prejudice of
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 297
the ' tyrant majority 5 which rule it. In these, the more
educated find what physically Archimedes sought the
fulcrum to move the world : the head is the governing
part of the body, hut we all know how a disordered
stomach will affect it."
I had hut little more intercourse with the good captain
and his sister during my stay in India, though we met
now and then, and maintained an occasional correspon-
dence. He, poor fellow, was never destined to revisit his
native land, for after saving a small competence, and
just as he was preparing to return, death, by one of
its most appalling agents cholera lodged a detainer
against him, and instead of enjoying the easy evening of
life he had fondly anticipated amongst the scenes of his
boyhood, he was destined to fill a cold tenement, six feet
by two, in St. John's churchyard, Calcutta.
"Tis not for me to describe Miss Belfield's feelings on
this occasion ; indeed, who can describe the anguish of
heart, the utter desolation, which the loss of a brother
or a sister, endeared by union of sentiment and every
tender association of youth, necessarily occasions ? I
learnt that she almost sunk under the blow ; and a few,
very few lines, which she wrote me shortly after, told
forcibly the extent of her sorrows, and indicated the
gratifying fact that she considered I had a right to par-
ticipate in them.
Well, years rolled away. I returned home, with a
broken constitution, and a lack of rupees, in the English
sense of the term ;* and some time after that event re-
ceived the following letter :
" Swines-Norton, June 10th, 18 .
"My DEAR CAPTAIN GERNON,
" I have for some time been aware of your return to
your native land, having heard of you from mutual
* This was about two years before the worthy griffin, whose autobio-
graphy is here given to the public, died, as stated in the preface, of an
old -stan ding liver complaint.
298 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
friends. Pray, "when your Evocations will allow of your
leaving London, endeavour to visit my retirement. I
have a small room in my cottage at your service, and
shall enjoy great pleasure, in some respects a sorrowful
one, in meeting you again, and in reviving old recollec-
tions of those days when first we became acquainted. I
will reserve all further communications till we meet ; in
the meantime am,
" My dear Captain Gernon,
" Yours most truly,
" A. BELFIELD."
" To Brev. Capt. Gernon,
"5, Peppercorn-buildings,
"Pimlico."
I was not long in finding out Miss Belfield's retreat.
The Highflyer coach dropped me at the Bull, a foaming,
rampant fellow, the only thing evincing any signs of life
and animation in the small sleepy village of Swines-
Norton, in shire. A few smock- frocked clowns, a
bandy-legged ostler, and a recruiting-sergeant, who
seemed wofully out of his element, loitered in front of
the little inn as I descended.
" What luggage had you, sir ?'"
" Nothing but a small carpet-bag."
" Come, Bill, bear a hand, and get the gentleman's
bag out of the hind boot/'
The bandy-legged ostler soon disengaged my property;
the spruce bluff coachman clutched his reins and cracked
his whip, and made the over-frisky off-leader dance a
saraband.
" Has Davy brought up that there black mare ? " said
the landlord, sauntering out with his pipe and tankard of
half-and-half.
" Yes ; he's down there along o' Tom at the Black-
bird."
All right crack whisp a nod to the pretty chamber-
maid at the window ya-hip! and away bowled the High-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 299
flyer, leaving me " alone in my glory/' saving and except
the drowsy specimens of humanity afore-mentioned.
" Can you tell me where a lady named Miss Belfield
resides ? "
" Miss Bulfield Miss Bulfield be that she, Jem, as
lives furder end o' Tinker-pot-lane ? "
" The lady, I mean," said I, " returned from India
some years ago, and resides in something cottage, but I
have forgotten the name.
"All right, sir, that's she now you mentions the
Heast Hinjies. I knows she've a- got a parrotkeet -jist
go on to the church, and then turn to your right hand,
and keep straight on as ever you can go 'til you comes to
a lane; when you be at the top o' that, get over the stile
and go across the footpath till you comes to the furder
end o 3 the field, and then any body '11 tell you where
Myrtle Cottage is/'
" Thank you, my man," said I.
And I forthwith set out on my voyage of discovery. It
was a sweet summer's evening, glorious, tranquil, sad.
I heard with delight the cuckoo's voice, the tinkle of the
sheep-bell, and the cry of the jackdaws, as they sported
about the burnished vane of the old weather-stained
steeple. I was in no hurry, but loitered in the quiet
village churchyard, where naught was moving save some
two or three little ragged sheep ; and oh ! who could
describe the sensations, the sadly pleasing, confused, but
undefinable sensations, which crowded upon me during
the little half-hour that I spent there ?
Seated on an old grey tombstone, alone, and looking
up at that rustic monitor, the village clock whilst the
soft summer air played on my face, and soothing rural
sounds fell on my ear the events of my past life, the
images of friends departed all I had done and left un-
donepassed like visions^dissolving views before me.
Brother Indians, try sometimes, after your period of toil
is o'er, the effect of a summer's musing in a rural church-
yard'twill calm the perturbation of your spirits, place
300 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
things in their true lights hefore you, and act as oil on
troubled waters. But, to be brief, I found Miss Belfi eld's
cottage neat, modest, elegant, and retiring, just as I
remembered herself. The parrot screamed in the little
hall, and a very antiquated dowager of a spaniel, with an
opaque eye, emitted a husky bark as I entered.
" Be pleased to take a seat, sir," said the tidiest and
modestest of little maids, " and my mistress will be with
you immediately."
I took a seat my spirits were in a flutter, almost
bordering on pain. The door opened, and the hand of
Miss Belfield was locked in mine. We both started a
little.
''Most truly glad to see you," said she, with deep
emphasis, her eyes full of tears. I placed my other hand
over the one of hers which I held in ray grasp, and answered
her by a soft and earnest pressure, which told how deeply
I reciprocated the feeling.
" Well," said she, smiling, after a pause, " I suppose
we must not compliment each other on looks, for I am
almost afraid to think how long it is since we parted
but I hope our mutual regard has not suffered by the
lapse of time."
I assured her that my respect and esteem for her were
as fresh as ever. Years and ill-health had given me a
slight curve in the shoulders. The freshness of my com-
plexion had long been converted into a delicate yellow;
my hair was grey beyond the power of Macassar oil to
restore, and crows' feet had dug their ineffaceable marks
at the angles and corners of my face.
Miss Belfield's eyes I once or twice caught resting on
me, as if involuntarily for she instantly averted them
on their encountering mine. She was doubtless com-
paring me to my former self and exclaiming inwardly,
" Oh ! what a falling off is here ! "
If she was struck by my changed appearance, I was
no less so with hers. Time and Care, rival ploughmen,
had deeply furrowed her brow her embonpoint was gone ;
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 301
and the iron-grey locks peeped here and there through
the muslin of her cap. Still, as of old, the ease, the
urbanity, the refinement, and, at the same time, the sim-
plicity of the gentlewoman, shone in Miss Belfield as
conspicuously as ever.
As we stood near the fire, and during the pause which
followed the ardour of question and answer incident to a
first meeting, Miss Belfield drew my attention to a por-
trait over the mantelpiece ; it was that of an officer, in
somewhat old-fashioned regimentals.
" Do you know that ? " said she, in a subdued and
choked tone, pointing to it with her finger.
I did indeed ; 'twas my old friend, the good, the kind,
and thoughtful captain. There he sat, serenely, with his
book half- opened and resting on his knee, just as he was
wont to look in days of yore, when I rattled into his
budgerow, after one of my shooting excursions.
" Come," said Miss Belfield, gently withdrawing me
from its contemplation, " lunch awaits us in the next
room, and you must require refreshment."
I must reserve a more detailed account of Miss Belfield
for some future part of my autobiography, that devoted
to England ; let it here suffice to state, that after a week's
visit to my amiable friend one characterized by every
thing that was pleasing I returned to London, having
first promised to repeat my visits from time to time, to
draw and botanize, and talk of old times ; and settle,
over a cup of Howqua's mixture, the great questions
now agitating the world. But to proceed.
I passed the old fort and station of Buxar, where a
few invalids doze out the evening of their Indian exist-
ence, and saw some European veterans, almost as black
as the natives, with large mushroom hats, bobbing for
fish on the banks of the river, and in due time reached
Ghazepore, the station of one of H.M. regiments.
Here I found my shipmate, Ensign O'Gorman. The
ensign, on whom I called, received me as an Irishman
and a British officer in the royal service might be sup-
302 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
posed to do. Could a volume say more for its warmth
and cordiality ? I dined with him at his mess, at which
urbanity, kindness, and good cheer combined their attrac-
tions to render this one of the pleasantest evenings I had
spent in India. Our ship adventures were discussed ;
our fellow-passengers were passed in review, and we were
supremely happy.
"By the way," said I, rather carelessly, "have you.
heard what has become of Olivia Jenkins ? "
" Oh, didn't you hear she is married ? "
" Married ! " I exclaimed, and a mouthful of pillaw
stuck in transitu in my oesophagus, nearly producing a
case of asphyxia.
" Good heavens ! you don't say so ? "
" Oh, it's a fact," said O'Gorman ; " but what's the mat-
ter? you appear unwell."
"Oh, I am quite well," said I ; " but let's take a
glass of wine."
I tossed off a bumper, and felt relieved.
"And so little Olivia Jenkins is actually mar-
ried ? Good heavens ! only think of that ! "
" Why, sure," said the ensign, smiling, " there's nothing
very strange in a pretty girl getting married ; but," added
he, looking hard at me, and after a pause, " I suspect you
were a little touched in that quarter yourself; am I not a
true diviner ? "
" I acknowledge it," said I ; " I did like that girl. Good
heavens ! and so little Olivia Jenkins is actually married ! "
The ensign pressed me to stay with him a week, but I
was forced to decline his hospitality, and resumed my on-
ward route the next morning.
In a few days I reached Benares Kasi, the splendid
the Jerusalem or Mecca of the Hindoo world. What a
treat to look upon a picture of human existence, just as it
probably was when Alexander the Great was a little chap !
As I glided past the swarming ghauts, where the pure-
caste damsels, the high-born Hindoo maidens, of this
strange and antique land, displayed their lovely forms,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 303
and laved their raven tresses in the sacred stream ; where
the holy bramin and the learned pundit, seated cross-
legged, marked with ashes and pigments, pattered their
Veds and Purans, I felt this in all its force ; whilst the
blowing of the conch, or the tinkling of bells, announced
the never-ending round of Poojah and devotion !
Here and there, the sacred Bull of Siva, and the yoni
and lingam, festooned with wreaths of lotus or chumbalie,
met the eye; whilst crowded boats, jingling bylies (ruths
or native carriages), armed natives in the varied costumes
of India (here assembling in the common centre of
religious hopes and duties), with an elephant or two
half-immersed, would serve to complete the foreground
of this interesting picture.
Behind arose, somewhat after the manner of those
congregated architectural masses in Martin's pictures,
though of course inferior in the boldness of their pro-
portions and general taste and magnificence of the
outline, the closely- wedged masses of this most curious
and old-world city ; the continuity of buildings occa-
sionally broken by masses of foliage, or a cuneiform
temple, with its tapering bamboo and blood-red pennon.
High over all, in the centre of the city, on a natural
eminence, towered the celebrated mosque of Aurungzebe,
with its two lofty minarets, which command a magnifi-
cent prospect of the surrounding country. This mosque
is erected, it is said, on the site of a Hindoo temple of
great sanctity, which was previously desecrated by having
the blood of a cow sprinkled over it.
When the Mahomedans and Hindoos have a serious
flare-up, the cows and pigs are pretty sure to suffer for
it. The one is held in the highest veneration by the
Hindoo, the other in utter abomination by the Moslem ;
consequently, the killing of one in a mundil, and of the
other in a mosque, in pursuance of the lex talionis, gene-
rally constitutes the crisis of a religious dispute.
Such is revenge, when passion and fanaticism are in the
ascendant, and such the gusto with which, by contending
304 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
religionists, the stab is given in the most tender and
vital part.
Having nearly cleared the city, I landed, accompanied
by Ramdial Sirdar, to take a peep at the interior of this
strange place ; and strange, indeed, I found it. Streets
swarming with people, and some so narrow that one of
our draymen could hardly work down them, unless
edgeways. Here, in the crowded chowks, waddled the
huge braminy bull, poking his nose into the bunyah's
grain basket, in disdainful exercise of his sanctified
impunity ; whilst byraggies, fakeers, pundits, and bawl-
ing mendicants, and much more, that I cannot here
describe, made up a scene as curious in itself, as striking
and interesting to me from its novelty.
In the course of my ramble, Ramdial gave me to
understand that, if I was desirous of an hummaum, or
bath, after the Indian fashion, I could have one at
Benares for a rupee or two, which would purify my outer
man, besides being wonderfully agreeable. I had heard
much of such baths in the " Arabian Nights," and in works
of the like sort, and thought this a good occasion to
compare facts with early impressions ; in short, I deter-
mined to be parboiled, and having intimated the same to
Ramdial, I departed with him and my kidmutgar, after
an early dinner, to the hummaum, or Ghosul Kaneh.
This was a considerable distance from my boat, in a
garden, in the outskirts of the city. We entered the
building, and Hamdial having explained who I was and
what I wanted, an attendant of the bath showed me a
small apartment, in which I was requested to disrobe.
Having peeled, a pair of curwah drawers, or pajammas,
were given to me, which descend about half-way down
the thigh, and are tied in front with a string.
All being ready, I, rather nervous, submitted myself
to the guidance of an athletic native, similarly habited to
myself.
We passed through a narrow dark passage, and I
began to look out for adventures. The slave of the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 305
bath showed me into a little confined apartment, some
ten feet by four, filled with steam, on one side of which
were reservoirs of water of different temperatures, in
separate compartments, about (as well as I can recollect)
breast-high.
Here I found another attendant, who, after sluicing a
bowl or two of water over my body, laid me out on a
long board, occupying the centre of the narrow apart-
ment, and, aided by his. companion, commenced rubbing
me with soap and pea-meal from head to foot.
This over, they proceeded to rub me down slowly with
Jceesahs, or rough gloves, bringing off flakes and
rouleaus of cuticle and epidermis astonishing to behold.
Flayed alive, they proceeded to shampoo and knead me,
producing the most pleasing and grateful sensations.
The strong man now bade me rise, and then and there
began to play the castanets on my vertebral column,
beginning at the topmost articulation; this he effected
by placing his leg behind me, swinging my body gently
backwards and forwards, and then by a sudden jerk, the
very reverse of pleasant, producing the desired disloca-
tion and its accompanying crack ; having done with the
spine, he rung the changes on my toes, knees, and
fingers. To effect all this, he entwined his brawny limbs
about me in a most gladiatorial style, which was far
from agreeable.
At length, after a few more sluicings, I was given to
understand that my purifications were at an end ; some-
thing was then thrown over me, and I was led back to
the place from whence I came. There I dressed, and
never in my life experienced such a feeling of purity and
buoyancy. I felt as if a new man, cleansed mentally
and bodily, and ready to open a fresh account with the
world.
My kitmudgar, Fyz Buccas, a worthy little fellow, had
not been idle or inattentive to my comforts during my
absence ; for no sooner had I dressed, and was giving
the last shake to a clean cambric handkerchief \hQjinale
306 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
of the toilet in India than he presented me with a cup
of hot coffee, which he had prepared outside, and brought
in afterwards my kalioun, which I had recently set up ;
taking this then in my hand, and putting the mouth-
piece between my lips, I stretched out my legs, leaned
my head back, and, half-closing my eyes, immediately
departed for the seventh heaven, in a cloud of odoriferous
incense.
The following day brought me to Sultanpore, the
station of a regiment of native cavalry, about midway
between Benares and Chunarghur. Here I stayed a few
days with a cornet, to whom I was the bearer of a letter.
There are no native cavalry lower than this in the Bengal
presidency; these, consequently, with the exception of
the Governor- General's body-guard (who are differently
attired), were the first I had seen of that arm.
On the whole, this body of black dragoons pleased me
well ; their dress was French grey, buckskin breeches, and
long military boots, with high blue mitre-shaped caps,
terminating at the apex with a sort of hemispherical
silver knob ; those of the native officers were covered with
red cloth, with silver mountings.
The European officers wore helmets (since changed to
shakos), but in other respects were dressed like their
men. Some of the troopers were tight, well-made fellows,
and the native officers large, portly gentlemen ; but, if
I may be allowed a pun, should say there were more
Musulmans than musclemen amongst them.*
Europeans in general peel much better than natives,
though the latter, being generally taller and more equally-
sized, look better, I think, in a body; nevertheless,
amongst the sepoys are frequently found men, models of
symmetry and muscular vigour, with whom few Euro-
* In both the descriptions and illustrations of these volumes, the
military costume of Europeans and natives will be found slightly to differ
from those at present worn. For example, Hessians now rank with
Hauberks and other antiques ; the shako has superseded the chimney-pot
cap, and so on.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 307
peans would be able to cope. Their great degree of
strength is, however, in general, artificially induced by the
continued practice of gymnastics, the magdas, or clubs,
and the use of the iron- stringed bow, &c.
I arrived at Sultanpore during the great Mahomedan
festival of the Mohurrum, and the cantonment, neigh-
bouring bazaars, and villages, were resounding with
firing and shouting.
This festival, as is pretty well known to all in any
degree acquainted with Oriental history, is held in honour
of the martyrdom of Hussain and Hosein, the sons of
Ali, who fell on the fatal field of Kerbela, a catastrophe
beautifully told by Gibbon, and which even he, who
attaches no belief to the pretensions of Mahomed, can
hardly peruse without emotion.
If such are the feelings of the infidel, what must be
those of the believer ? The Sunni makes it a season of
silent grief and humiliation, whilst the 8heahs y or fol-
lowers of Ali, abandon themselves to the wildest and
most passionate demonstrations of sorrow.
Tazeahs, or representations of the shrine of Kerbela,
of all sizes and shapes, more or less richly adorned with
gilding, &c., are borne daily in procession for a period of
many days, followed by crowds of the faithful, shouting
" Hussain ! Hosein ! " beating their breasts, and indulg-
ing the most violent semblance of grief.
My friend, the cornet, drove me out one evening to
witness the tumasha (sport). As we approached the
spot where the greatest concourse was assembled, my
ears were saluted by alternate shouts of what I was sub-
sequently informed were intended for the words " Hus-
sain, Hosein," but uttered by the whole mass as sharply
and compactly as a well-delivered platoon fire, or the
fitful escapes of steam from an engine.
The English soldier, with the natural proneness of
honest John Bull to effect a national assimilation where-
ever he can, calls these processions " Hobson, Jobson ; "
and it is but fair to allow, that " Hussain, Hosein," when
x 2
308 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
shouted forth in the manner described, sound exceedingly
like " Hobson, Jobson."
On reaching the dense crowd, in the centre of which
the tazeah, like a ship on a heaving sea, rocked to and
fro, a wild scene of excitement met our view. Here
were numbers of Mahomedan troopers, in their undress,
many of them carrying tulwars* under their arms, with
fakeers, servants, and bazaar people, all lustily lament-
ing the fate of Hussain and Hosein.
The tazeah had a splendidly gilded dome, and in the
front of it was the figure of a strange creature, with the
body of a camel, and a long tapering neck, terminating
with a female face shaded by jet black ringlets ; round
the neck of this creature, which I take it was intended
to represent Borak, on which Mahomed made his noc-
turnal journey to heaven, were strings of gold coins.
All this magnificence was supplied at the expense, I
was told, of a devout old begum, the left-handed wife
of an invalid general at Chunar, with whom, as will ap-
pear, T became subsequently acquainted.
On the seventh night of the Mohurrum, it is usual to
celebrate the marriage of Hussain's daughter (nothing
being perfect in this world without a little love) with her
cousin, a gallant partisan of the house of Ali ; Dhull
Dhull too, the faithful steed of Hussain, his housings
stuck full of arrows, forms a part of the pageant, and
serves to create a still more lively image of the touching
event which it is intended to commemorate.
The Mahomedans, when worked up to a high state of
religious excitement and frenzy, on these occasions,
are dangerous subjects to deal with ; very little would
then induce them to try the temper of their blades on
the carcases of any description of infidel, Hindoo or
Christian.
The relator was once at Allahabad when the great
Hindoo festival of the Hoolee, a sort of Saturnalia, and
the Mahomedan Mohurrum unluckily fell together ; and
* Scimitars.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 309
was present with the judge, Mr. Chalmers, when a depu-
tation from each of the religions waited upon him in
connection with the subject of the apprehended blood-
shed and disturbance, in case the processions of the two
should meet.
The requests and the reasonings of tbe parties were
highly characteristic of the genius of their resp-ective
religions. The Hindoos urged, mildly, that as their an-
cestors had possessed the country from time immemorial,
and long before the Mahomedans came into it, they did
not see why they should postpone the celebration of
their religious rites,, because the former chose to take
offence at them ; they disclaimed the slightest wish to
insult or offend the Faithful, but contended for their
right to parade the city in procession, with music, &c.,
as of old.
The Mahomedan moollahs, on their part, urged that,
as the Hindoos were kaffers and idolaters, it must be
(and they put the case very feelingly to Mr. Chalmers)
exceedingly galling to them if they were allowed to
parade their music and processions near their mosques
and tazeahs :
" Betwixt the wind and their nobility."
The judge endeavoured to impress upon these last
reasoners that the poor Hindoos had virtually as good a
right as they had to perform their religious rites in their
common city ; and as for their being unbelievers, they
could with equal reason return the compliment.
All this, however, had no effect ; they could neither
perceive the reason or justice of it, and declared their
dogged determination to shut up shop and suspend pro-
ceedings, unless the Hindoos were forced to postpone
theirs, or remove to a distance ; to this the judge refused
his assent, declaring that both parties should have equal
justice, and that he would avail himself of both the
civil and military power to keep the peace between them.
Some time after the departure of these deputations,
310 MEMOIRS OP A GRIFFIN.
information was brought that bodies of armed Mahome-
dans were coming into the town and assembling at the
barree, or residence of one of their principal men, a
great landholder, who was considered the head of the
Sunnis there. The judge immediately ordered his gig,
begged me to step into it, and, accompanied by a couple
of orderly horsemen, we drove to his residence, which
was situated on the banks of the Jumna. It consisted
of many buildings irregularly disposed through one or
more courts, in which were also situated two or three
small mosques.
On dismounting, and entering the first enclosure, we
observed many Musulmans, with heads inclined as if in
profound thought, slowly moving about, and habited in
long black tunics, the mourning garb of the Sunnis,
with real or well-simulated looks of dejection. There wo
were met by the Mahomedan chief, who appeared to
deem himself insulted by the suspicion which the unex-
pected visit implied.
" Follow me, Sahib," said he, "and examine all the
arms my place contains; you will find they are few,
and only loaded with powder, and could not have been
bought for the purpose you imagine."
On saying this, or something to the same effect, he
took us to where several rows of match-locks, rusty and
dingy pieces of ordnance, were piled. The judge said
he had feared that it was their intention at night to com-
mence an onslaught on the Hindoos, and that be was
determined to preserve the peace. The chief disclaimed
any such intention, but I well recollect his concluding
observation.
" Our religious observance," said he, " is gum (grief),
theirs is shades (uproar, literally ' a wedding'), and they
ought not surely to be allowed to pass within our hear-
ing ; pray consider this ; " and so forth.
The result of all this was, that half a battalion and
a couple of six-pounders were ordered down to the
city in the evening, and occupied the chowk, or market-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 311
place, during the night. This grievously offended hoth
parties, and they kept quietly within their several
hounds. But for this interference, there can be little
doubt that blood would have been spilt.
CHAPTER XXIII.
THE cornet took me with him to breakfast and dine with
his friend, the old invalid general commanding at Chun-
arghur. This was my first Christmas Day in India ;
the weather was as cold as an English October, and I
enjoyed the trip.
The pretty invalid station of Chunarghur is a few
miles from Sultanpore, on the opposite bank of the river ;
as you approach it, the fort, crowning a lofty table rock,
and abutting on the Ganges, has, with its numerous
Moorish buildings and lines of circumvallation, a very
striking and picturesque effect ; and its reddish hue and
that of the rock contrast pleasingly with the verdant
gardens and white residences of the European inhabi-
tants.*
The general, a hoary old Indianized veteran, gave my
friend, with whom he appeared to be on intimate terms,
a very hearty reception. It being Christmas Day, he had
mounted his red uniform coat, which, from the hue of
the lace, and other unmistakable signs, it was very
clear, had been laid up in ordinary for a considerable
time ; but though his upper works were European, all
below indicated one who had imbibed, in the course of fifty
or sixty years' service, a taste for the luxurious appliances
of an Indian existence. His legs, like those of Colonel
Lolsaug, were encased in voluminous pajammas y which
finished off with a pair of Indian gilt slippers.
* Since this period, a church has been erected at Chunar, a square
tower, with pinnacles ; one of the most truly English structures I have
seen abroad.
312 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
We had a capital breakfast, at which an abundance of
solid cheer, interspersed with glasses of amber jelly, and
garnished with evergreens and flowers, "jasmin and
marigolds," produced a truly Old English effect.
The old general leaned back in his easy-chair, stretched
his legs on a morah, smoked his magnificent hookha,
and prepared to receive a host of people waiting outside
to pay their respects.
In India, Christmas Day is called by the natives our
" Burra Din" or great day. Our native soldiers and
dependants attend in their best attire, to pay their re-
spects, and present, according to their means, little
nuzzurs or gifts, as tokens of good- will and fidelity.
Your Kansaman brings a basket of sweetmeats ; the
shepherd, a kid from the flock; the gardener, a basket of
his choicest fruit, flowers, and vegetables; the bearers
deck the bungalow with evergreens, or plant a young
tree in front of the door, and so forth.
It is a pleasing homage to master and his faith ;
and altogether, with the temperature of the weather
and the solidity of the fare, tends strongly to awaken
bygone recollections of youth, and all the charities and
endearments of our island home at that delightful and
merry season.
The chick, or blind, being now rolled up, a posse of
venerable veteran native officers entered, exhibiting on
their persons the various obsolete costumes of the Indian
army of half a century back, gradually approximating
from the uncouth attire of the sepoy of the olden time,
with its short vandyked jangheeas, half-way down the
thigh, cut-away coat, and ludicrous triangular-fronted cap,
to the more perfect Europeanized dress at present worn.
Each bore on his extended palm a folded-up hand-
kerchief, on which lay a certain number of gold mohurs
or rupees, which the old general, contrary to the usual
custom in such cases, groped off, and laid beside him in
a heap, having previously touched his forehead, by way
of acknowledging the compliment.
MEMOIRS OP A GRIFFIN. 313
Besides the pecuniary offering, many of the veterans
held their swords to the general and my friend, who
touched them, and then their foreheads. This pretty cus-
tom is universal amongst the military of India and Persia,
and is finely expressive of a soldier's fidelity and devotion.
He offers you his sword ; what can he more ?
After the military had entered, various civil function-
aries, connected with the bazaar and garrison, and the
general's domestic servants, all arrayed in their holiday
attire, were ushered in, and made their salaams and
gifts. The latter were set aside in the room, and
formed a goodly display of oranges, pomegranates, sweet-
meats, sugar-candy, &c., enough wherewith to set up the
store of a general dealer in a small way.
Last of all, several trays were brought in, each covered
with an embroidered roomal or handkerchief; the bearers,
having arranged these on the floor, withdrew the cover-
ings with a grand air, as much as to say, " There ! what
do you think of that ? " and a magnificent display of
good things appeared. The Kansaman whispered the
old general ; the old general smiled, and my friend
laughed. It was a Christmas gift from Begum Sahib,
his pious left-handed Moosulmanee wife, and whose funds
had supplied, as I before mentioned, the magnificent
tazeea at Sultanpore, Benares.
Whilst its examination was going on, I thought I per-
ceived a few curious eyes peeping from behind the curtain,
which concealed the sanctum sanctorum of the zenan
khaneh, or female apartments.
After the whole party had retired, and the general and
my friend had resumed their chat and their hookhas, I
observed the aforesaid curtain once more on the move,
and, immediately after, the figure of an old withered
Indian lady, covered with a profusion of rings and jewels,
with a pair of garnet-coloured trousers of formidable
dimensions, and a milk-white doputta, or scarf, over her
head, issued therefrom.
She stood for a moment, placed her finger archly on
314 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
her lips, as a signal for my friend to be silent, and then
gliding slowly towards the veteran, whose back was
turned towards her, she placed her long dark slender
hands, sparkling with rings, over his eyes.
" Halloa ! " said the old gentleman, " who have we
here ? what rogue is this ? " smiling pleasantly, and
knowing all the while who it was.
The old lady laughed, withdrew her hands, and stood
before him.
" General Sahib," said she, in Hindustanee, " I am
come to make my salaam to you on your Burr a Din."
She now took a chair; my friend the cornet, who
evidently knew her well, made her a respectful salaam,
and they held a very animated conversation together,
of which, from their eyes being directed towards me
ever and anon, I guessed myself to be the subject. I
was a modest youth in those days, and felt a little em-
barrassed at the idea of being overhauled and discussed
in an "unknown tongue."
The cornet said : " The Begum has been asking about
you ; she says you look very young ; quite a chokra
(boy), and have a very gureeb (quiet) look, though, she
dares to say, you are a bit of a nut cut (roguish fellow)
for all that/' "
" Pray tell her," said I, " that she does me too much
honour, and that I really want language to express the
extent of my obligation. As for the first fault, time
doubtless will correct it ; with respect to the other, you
may say it is an hereditary complaint in our family."
The cornet explained, or tried to explain ; the old lady
laughed, nodded her head, and said it was " burra taiz
bhat" (a very smart reply). She now retired to her
apartment, after a fresh round of salaaming between her
and the cornet.
" I thought," said I, when she had gone, " that it was
not usual for native ladies to exhibit themselves in that
way."
" Nor is it/' said he, " generally ; but age and other
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 315
circumstances lead to exceptions in this as well as in
everything else. Besides," added he, " though the old
lady is both rich and devout, she does not, of course,
hold a foremost place in native estimation/'
The general, who had left us for a few moments, now
returned, and after some little conversation, of which she
was the subject, being spoken of in a laudatory strain,
" Well, now/' said he, as if he had been revolving the
matter deeply, " I don't know, but I consider that old
woman as much my wife as if we had had a page of
Hamilton Moore read over to us. My faithful compan-
ion for forty years, and the mother of my children ! "
" But," said the cornet, " your friend the Padre, you
recollect, when he was passing, took dire offence at her
making her appearance one day when he was here ; do
you recollect that, general ? You had quite a scene."
The general here emitted a panegyrical effusion touch-
ing the whole clerical body, and the scrupulous Padre in
particular, which, however, I will not repeat.
After tiffin, the general, the cornet, and myself, went
out to visit the fort and the neighbourhood, which I had
a desire to see ; the former, being old and infirm, rode in
his tonjon (a sort of chair-palankeen) ; my friend and I
were on horseback.
The fort of Chunarghur, to which we ascended from
the town side by a somewhat steep road, occupies the
summit of a table rock, some hundred feet above the
surrounding country, and terminating abruptly on the
river side. A strong wall, defended by numerous towers,
runs round the edge, and the interior contains
modern ranges of barracks, magazines, &c., and some
fine masses of old buildings, in the Moorish style of
architecture, characterized by the cupolas, horseshoe
arch, &c.
The views on all sides are extensive and interesting :
on the one, you look down upon the roofs of the
closely-built native town, its temples and intermingled
foliage, and tall bamboo pigeon-stands, with the white
316 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
houses and luxuriant gardens of the adjacent station,
the broad Ganges skirting the verdant slopes in front,
and stretching away through many a sandy reach to-
wards Benares ; on the opposite side, above the fort, a
rich and cultivated country, waving with crops, adorned
with mango groves, and dotted here and there with old
mosques or tombs, extends far in the distance, traversed
by bold sweeps of the river, which, sprinkled with
many a white sail, or strings of heavy boats, advancing
with snail-like pace against the current, glistens brightly
below.
The general pointed out to me the particular part of
the wall where we made our unsuccessful assault in the
year 1764, with some other lions of the place; after
which we left the fort by another gateway, and a some-
what zigzag descent, on the opposite side to that on
which we had entered.
In passing a guard of invalids, however, before emerg-
ing, I was highly entertained to see the old veterans, who
were rather taken by surprise, hobbling out from their
pipes and repose in a mighty pother, to present arms
to the general, which they managed to effect before
he had left them far behind, with a most picturesque
irregularity.
Chunar, some thirty or forty years before the period to
which I am adverting, had been, I believe, one of our
principal frontier stations, and the head-quarters of a
division, though then, as now, scarcely occupying a cen-
tral point in the immense line of the British dominions
on this side of India. The cantonments of this large
force were situated on the plain last noticed, above the
fort, and present small station, though almost every trace
of it has long disappeared, at least of the abodes of the
living, for the mansions of the dead still remain nearly
in statu quo to tell their pensive tale.
We paid a visit to this now remote and forgotten bury-
ing ground (or rather to one of them, for there are two)
a mile or two beyond the fort ; and I confess, albeit a
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 317
juvenile, that I was touched at the sight of these lonely
mementoes of the fact, that a bustling military canton-
ment, of which hardly a vestige remains, once occupied
the immediate vicinity.
How changed is now the scene from what it was in
the qui hye days of our fathers ! The clang of the
trumpet, the roll of the drum, and the gleaming ranks,
have long given place to more peaceful sounds and sights ;
the creak of the well-wheel, and the song of the ryot, as
he irrigates his fields, supply the place of the former.
Grain now waves where troops once manoeuvred, whilst
the light airs of the Ganges pipe, amidst the white mau-
soleums, the dirges of those who " sleep well " heneath,
many of the once gay inhabitants of the scene :
" Ah ! sweetly they slumber, nor hope, love, nor fear ;
Peace, peace is the watchword the only one here."
There are few things which address themselves more
strongly to the feelings than the sight of the tombs of
our countrymen in a far distant land. In the ceme-
tery to which I am referring, now rarely visited, it being
out of the track of travellers, where grass and jungle are
fast encroaching, and time and the elements are pursuing
their silent dilapidations, many a Briton many a long
forgotten Johnson and Thompson quietly repose, far
from the hearths of their fathers.
I have since more than once visited this and similar
places, which may be compared to wrecks which the on-
ward flow of our advancing power leaves behind it, and
as I have stood and mused amongst them, have pleased
myself by indulging in dreamy speculations touching the
histories of the surrounding sleepers (for all have their
little histories), of all their hopes, fears, and cares, here
for ever laid at rest.
We extended our excursion to some distance beyond
the cemetery, and visited the mausoleum of a Mahome-
dan prince or saint, the history of which I have forgotten.
I have now only a faint remembrance of its mosaic and
318 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
lattice-work its inlaid scrolls from the Koran the sar-
cophagus covered with an embroidered carpet, the lamps
around, and the ostrich eggs suspended from the vaulted
roof.
On returning home to the old general's house, rather
late, we found two or three of his friends, invalid officers
of the garrison, assembled to do justice to his roast beef
and other Christmas fare. A very social party we had ;
the general " shouldered his crutch," and the invalid
guests gave us plenty of Indian legendary lore ; all
hearts expanded under the influence of good cheer, and
a couple of bottles of "Simkin Shrob " (Champagne),
which the general produced as if it had been so much
liquid gold, reserved for high days and holidays.
A glass or two of champagne is your grand specific
for giving the blue devils their quietus, and liberating
those light and joyous spirits which wave their sparkling
wings over the early wine-cup and the genial board ;
but, like other ephemerae, soon pass away, drowned, per-
haps, like flies, in the liquid from whence they spring,
leaving but a pleasing remembrance of their having once
existed.
The next morning, after breakfast, the cornet and I
rode back to Sultanpore, and in a few days I bade him
adieu, and in a short time found myself sound in wind
and limb, but quite out of rootle mackun (" bread and
butter"), and other river stores, in sight of the far-famed
fortress of Allahabad, at the confluence of the Jumna
and Ganges.
The view of this fortress, with its lofty walls and nu-
merous towers, is, as you approach it, very striking ; one
sees few such imposing masses in England ; and as for
our feudal castles, few of them are much bigger than the
gateways of such places as I am describing.
The fort which occupies the point where these two
famous rivers meet, though perfectly Oriental in its
general character, has been " pointed," and strengthened
in accordance with the principles of European fortifica-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 319
tion, particularly on the land side. It is impregnable to
a native force, and one of the principal depots of the
Upper Provinces. This, as is well known, is one of the
Prayagas, or places of Hindoo pilgrimage.
During the great Melah, or fair, which subsequently it
was often my lot to witness, the concourse of people
who assemble here from all parts of the Hindoo world,
from the Straits of Manaar to the mountains of Thibet,
is prodigious. The sands below the fort exhibit, on that
occasion, a sea of heads, intersected by lines of booths,
and here and there an elephant or a camel towering above
the congregated mass.
The point where the all-important regenerating dip is
effected, is covered by the many-coloured standards of
the Brahmins and Fakeers, looking at a distance like a
dahlia show, or a gaudy-coloured bed of tulips.
In crossing over to the fort, in my bolio, I was forcibly
struck by the very different appearance in the water of
the two streams. The one, the Jumna, deep, blue, and
pure; the other, the Ganges, yellow and turbid. It was
curious to observe them blending in many a whirlpool
and eddy the flaky wreaths of the dirty old " Gunga-
Jee " infusing themselves into the transparent element of
the sister river.
Here I laid in a store of eggs, bread, poultry, mutton,
and the like of the latter I purchased a magnificent
hind- quarter from a bazaar kussai, or butcher, who
came staggering on board with it, patting and attitudin-
izing it, and after pointing out its incomparable beauties,
its masses of fat, and the fine colour of the lean, &c., let
me have it for four rupees, just three rupees eight annas
more than it was worth.
A few days brought me to Currah Munickpoor, where
I found a sub, on solitary outpost duty, who looked
upon my arrival as an agreeable break to the monotony
of his life a perfect Godsend and treated me with
uncommon hospitality. I found him a very pleasant
fellow, and his manner of life smoking, eating, shoot-
320 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
ing, &c. so much to my taste, that it did not require
any very urgent solicitation on his part to induce me to
spend two or three days with him.
I dined with him at his bungalow, some short distance
inland, on the first day, when he showed me the objects
worthy of notice in the neighbourhood, and thinking
this a good opportunity to dress my hind-quarter of
mutton, I invited him to partake of it next day, on board
my bolio.
My acquaintance was a " mighty hunter," as most
young Indian officers are. He shot, fished, and kept a
pack of mongrels, and a greyhound or two, with which
he hunted the hare, fox, and jackal ; he was also a great
adept in the use of the pellet-bow, in the mode of
discharging which he obligingly gave me some lessons.
I am not aware whether this sort of bow is known in
Europe or not. If it were as generally made use of
amongst boys in England as by young men in India,
we should certainly have a fearful number of blind and
one-eyed gentry amongst the population.
This bow is generally made of a split bamboo, which,
being highly elastic, renders it peculiarly adapted to the
purpose; it has two strings of catgut, which, at about
a foot from one extremity, are kept separate by a small
piece of stick, about an inch and a half in length, the
ends ingeniously secured between the strands of the
string; immediately opposite to that part of the bow
grasped by the hand, and which is well padded, there is
a small piece of leather, about two square inches in
size, sewn to the two strings, and presenting its flat
surface to the handle; in this a pellet of hard, dried
clay is placed, and being seized by the thumb and
forefinger of the right hand, is then discharged at the
object
The great danger of the tyro is that of striking the
thumb of the left hand, within an inch or two of which
the ball must always pass, though by the practised
bowman a collision is always avoided by giving the wrist
MEMOIES OF A GRIFFIN. 321
a peculiar turn or twist. The force with which the
ball goes, when thus propelled, is surprising; and un-
common accuracy in striking an object may be in time
acquired by a due regulation of the hands and eye. I
have brought down with the pellet-bow pigeons and
kites, when on the wing, from a great height, and cut
off the heads of doves and sparrows sometimes as
completely as if it had been done with a koife.
As my friend and I strolled in the tamarind grove,
near to which my boat was moored, he exhibited his
skill upon the squirrels and paroquets, much to my
astonishment.
" Will you let me have a shot ? " said I, eagerly.
" Certainly ; but have you ever attempted it before ? "
" Never," I replied ; " but there appears to be no
difficulty in it whatever."
" Tis far more difficult than you imagine," he replied ;
"it was months before I got into the way of it; here,"
he continued, " if you are determined, you must. Now,
twist your wrist thus, or you will infallibly hit your
thumb : there, so ! "
"Oh! I see/' said I; and immediately seized the
bow.
A dove sat invitingly on a neighbouring bough ; I
gave a long pull and a strong pull, and, och ! hit my
thumb a whack that bared it to the bone. Away I
tossed the pellet-bow to the distance of about twenty
yards, thrust the mutilated member into my mouth, and
immediately fell to dancing something very like Jim
Crow. In a little time the agony subsided ; I had
swathed the ex-member in fine linen, when Fyz Buccas
came to summon us to dinner.
" Come along, sir," said I ; " I hope you can dine off
a hind-quarter of mutton and a Bombay pudding."
" Nothing can be better," said he ; " but where did
you get your meat ? "
"I bought it of a bazaar fellow at Allahabad, and a
splendid joint it is."
Y
322 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
My companion, more experienced in the tricks of
India than myself, smiled incredulously, and then looked
a little grave.
" I hope they have not given you a made-up
article."
" Made-up ! " said I ; " I don't understand you."
" Why," he replied, " these bazaar rascals stuff and
blow up their meat, and use half a dozen other different
ways of taking in the unwary passenger."
" Ton my life," said I, " you frighten me ; if this my
best bower fails, we shall go plump on the rocks of
short commons, that's certain."
" Oh, never mind," said he ; " at the worst, my place
is not far off, and there is abundance of prog there ;
besides, I can eat bazaar mutton, or goat, or anything
else at a pinch, particularly if there is a good glass of
Hodgson to wash it down."
This dialogue was cut short by the entry of the
mutton ; it certainly did not look as respectable mutton
should look. I seized the carver, eager to know the
worst, and gave a cut ; the murder was out, and so was
the wind ; the unhappy mutton falling into a state of
collapse.
" Ha ! ha ! ha ! " roared the sub : " I thought as
much'; now try that mass of fat containing the kidney, and
you will have farther evidence of the skill with which
an Indian butcher can manufacture a fat joint of mutton."
I made a transverse incision into the membraneous
sac, and there lay a beautiful and compact stratification
of suet, skin, and other extraneous matters, which I
extracted seriatim at the point of my fork. I confess
I was thunderstruck at this profligacy of the heathen,
which is, however, common enough.
Currah is an interesting spot, abounding in pictu-
resque ruins ; and good sporting is to be had there, the
neighbourhood abounding in hares, wild pea-fowl, grey
partridges, and quail; the best cover in which to find
the latter is, my friend told me, the soft feathery under-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 323
growth of grass to be found in the indigo fields. In
some of the islands of the Ganges, black partridge,
florikin, and hog deer are to be met with, and there are
also plenty of wolves and hyaenas amongst the ruins, for
those who are fond of such sport.
The town of Currah, about fifty miles above Allaha-
bad, is situated on the Ganges, close to its banks, and
presents to the view a confused mass of mud buildings,
buried in the foliage of numerous neem, peepul, and
tamarind trees ; interspersed with these are several
temples, musjids, or mosques, as also some houses of
stone or brick, displaying a considerable appearance of
comfort and convenience for this part of India.
The vicinity is much cut up by deep ravines, formed
by the annual rains in their descent, through the loose
soil, to the river. A little below the town are the re-
mains of a considerable fort, which from the Ganges has
rather a picturesque appearance ; its gateway, and some
lofty circular bastions, are in a very tolerable state of
preservation.
Lower down still, on the spot where I moored, are
some pretty Hindoo mundils or temples, from which
ghauts or flights of steps lead to the river ; these are
overhung by noble trees, principally the tamarind, shed-
ding a cool and refreshing shade over the spot.
Here I planted my chair on one or two evenings, with
my friend the sub, beneath the shade of these trees, and,
soothed into a state of tranquillity by the cooing of
numerous doves, which fill the groves, I gazed on the
boats as they glided down the stream, and yielded up
my mind to the influence of tranquil and pleasing emo-
tions. I thought of home my mother the widow
when I should be a captain and other things equally
remote and agreeable.
The tamarind, to my taste, is the most beautiful tree
of the East not even excepting the banyan the foliage,
which is of a delicate green, droops in rich and luxuriant
masses, like clusters of ostrich plumes overhanging a
Y 2
324 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
piece of water, or half-enveloping some old mosque,
durgah, or caravanserai with the traveller's horse picketed
in its shade, or the group of camels ruminating in repose
beneath it nothing can be more picturesque.
This tree, beneath which no plant will grow, seems to
be a great favourite with the natives, but particularly
with the Mahomedans ; it is almost invariably to be
found near their mosques and mausoleums ; and amongst
them, I suspect, holds the place the yew, or rather the
cypress, does with us an almost inseparable adjunct of
the tomb :
" Fond tree, still sad when others' griefs are fled.
The only constant mourner o'er the dead. "
A nest of Brahmins is comfortably established in and
about the ghaut and temple above mentioned, the duties
of which latter they perform ; these, with bathing, eat-
ing, sleeping, and fleecing European passers-by, consti-
tute the daily tenor of their harmless lives. They regu-
larly levy contributions from European travellers who
pass this way, and make, I suspect, rather a good thing
of it.
Their course of proceeding is as follows : one of the
fraternity, with all the humility of aspect which char-
acterized Sterne's monk, waits upon the traveller with
a little present of milk, fruit, or a pot of tamarind pre-
serve the last, by the way, uncommonly good there
this, in a subdued tone, and with a low salaam, he ten-
ders for acceptance, and at the same time produces for
inspection a well-thumbed volume of which it might
truly be said, in the language of the Latin grammar,
" Qui color albus erat, nunc est contrarius albo "
partly filled with names, doggrels, and generally abortive
attempts at the facetious. In this the traveller is re-
quested to record his name, the date of his visit, with
the addition of as much epigram as he can conveniently
squeeze out, or of any extempore verses he may chance
to have by him ready cut and dry for such occasions.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 325
Having made his literary contribution, and returned
the valuable miscellany to its owner, in whose favour the
traveller's romantic feelings are perhaps warmly excited,
particularly if, like me, a " tazu wulait " (literally, a
fresh-imported European), with some St. Pierre-ish
notions of the virtuous simplicity of Brahmins and Gen-
toos, he begins to discover, from the lingering, fidgety,
expectant manner of his sacerdotal friend, that something
remains to be done in fact, that a more important con-
tribution is required and that the "amor nummi" is
quite as rife in a grove on the banks of the Ganges as any-
where else in this lucre-loving world. On making this
discovery, he disburses his rupee in a fume, and all his
romantic ideas of hospitable Brahmins, primitive sim-
plicity, children of nature, &c. &c., vanish into thin air.
My friend the sub lent me a pony, and, accompanied
by dogs, servants, and guns, we traversed a good deal
of the surrounding country in search of game and the
picturesque.
The country, for miles around Currah, is thickly
covered with the ruins of Mahomedan tombs, some of
great size, and combining, with much diversity of form,
considerable elegance and architectural beauty. Two or
three of these, more striking than the rest, are erected
over the remains of peers or saints ; one of these latter
is, I was told, Sheik Kummul udDeen, a very holy man,
who, doubtless, in his day rendered good service to the
cause of Islam, by dint, probably, of that very cutting
and convincing argument the shumshere* The ad-
jacent village of Kummulpore derives its name from
him.
Kurruck Shah, I learnt from my young friend, who
was a bit of an antiquary, was the name of another peer
of remarkable sanctity, who lies buried near the town
of Currah ; his durgah or shrine, which we visited, is
situated in the midst of an extensive paved court, nearly
encompassed by shabby whitewashed buildings, shaded
* Sword, whence probably scimitar.
326 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
by two or three gigantic trees, some of the arms of which
were leaning for support on the buildings they had so
long shaded, like parents claiming in age the support of
their children their natural props. It has, we were
told, an establishment of peerzadas, or attendant priests,
and land attached for their support, the supply of oil for
the lamps, &c.
I could never learn clearly or positively the cause of
so vast a congregation of tombs as this neighbourhood
exhibits, many square miles being covered with them ;
but my companion was told by villagers whom he ques-
tioned on the subject, that they covered the remains of
the slain who fell in a great battle. As, however, the
dates on the tombs are of various periods, this must
have been the hardest fought battle on record or the
process of interment singularly slow.
Joking apart, to trust to the on dits and traditions of
untutored peasants in any country is far more likely to
lead to error than to enlighten, in nine cases out of ten.
Having much enjoyed my three days' halt at Currah, I
once more pursued my onward course, my hospitable
host sending down to my boat a profusion of butter,
fresh bread, and vegetables, for my voyage, with a piece
of mutton, on the integrity of which he told me I might
confidently rely : this was, at all events, puffing it in a
proper manner.
I found the country between Currah and Cawnpore to
contain nothing particularly remarkable ; groves, ghauts,
mud- built towns, ravines, and sand-banks constituted its
leading features. On one of the latter, one fine cold
evening, I performed the funeral obsequies of the one-
eyed bull- dog, who had been long in a declining state ;
the climate evidently did not agree with his constitution,
and he slowly sunk under its effects. The interment
was conducted by Nuncoo Matar, and Teazer, now con-
stituting the sum total of my kennel, stood by whilst
his companion Bully was receiving those last attentions
at our hands.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 327
At Cawnpore I put up with the major, who, the
reader may remember, was one of our passengers in the
Rottenbeam Castle. He was a most worthy, gentle-
manly fellow, as great a griffin as myself, though likely
to continue so to the end of the chapter, for two very
good reasons : one, because he had passed that age after
which, as I have before stated, in an early part of these
memoirs, the process of accommodation to Indian habits
becomes an exceedingly difficult one ; and secondly,
because he had the honour to belong to one of H.M.'s
regiments, in which it must be sufficiently obvious,
without my troubling the reader or myself with an
elaborate explanation, that a knowledge of Indian man-
ners, language, and customs is not so likely to be
acquired as in a sepoy corps, where a European is
brought into constant contact with the natives.
The major, who was accustomed to the best society
of England, had a considerable admixture of the exqui-
site in his composition ; but it sat so easily upon him he
did not know it, and being natural, was consequently
agreeable.
I would not have it inferred, exactly, that I think all
things which are genuine must necessarily please, but
that nature is always a redeeming feature, and when
associated with what is in itself excellent, it constitutes
the master- charm.
The major gave me a room in his bungalow, to which
I soon had all my valuables transferred from the bolio.
The same day the manjee came up to make his salaam,
and demand the balance of what was due to him for his
boat. He was accompanied by his sable crew, jolly
fellows, who had carried me on their shoulders over
many a nullah, and plunged many a time and oft in the
Ganges for me, to pick up a bird.
There they were, "four- and- twenty blackbirds all in
a row," in the major's verandah, squatted on their hams,
and dressed in their best attire. Every face had become
familiar to me; I knew most of their names, their
328 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
peculiar fortes, from the purloiner en passant of
kuddoos * and cucumbers, the thief in ordinary to the
mess, to the instructor of the paroquets, and the cook to
the crew, and associated one or more of their names with
almost every sporting adventure or exploit in which I
had been engaged on my way up a long four months'
trip.
It is true I subjected them occasionally to the rigorous
discipline of the Marpeetian code; in other words,
thrashed them soundly when they hesitated to plunge
into an alligatorish-looking pool after a wounded dabchick,
or capsized my griffinship, as happened once or twice,
when staggering with me Scotch-cradle fashion, gun and
all, through the shallows, to myboKo; but the good-
natured, placable creatures soon forgot it, and we were
on the whole very good friends. I believe they knew I
was a griffin, and, cognizant of the infirmities of that
singular animal, made allowances for me, particularly as
I gave them sometimes, by way of compensation, a rupee
or a feed of metais (sweetmeats).
On paying the manjee, he tied up the rupees carefully
in the corner of his turban, and made me a low salaam ;
his crew also bowed themselves to the earth. So much
for business. He then put up his hands, and with an
agreeable smile, and in an insinuating tone, said some-
thing which I desired Ramdial to explain, though I
partly guessed its purport.
" What does he muncta (want), Eamdial ?"
" He bola (says) if Sahib Kooshee will please give
him buckshish"
" Yes, yes ; we'll give him some boxes paunch rupee
bus ? " (Rs. 5 enough, eh ?)
"Han Sahib (yes, sir) bus (enough)/'
Having, in my usual piebald lingua franca, thus
consulted my keeper of the privy purse, I ordered him
to disburse a gratuity of Rs. 5 amongst the crew, which
they gratefully received, with many salaams. Thus we
* Gourd, vegetable marrow.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 329
parted, never more to meet, and thus wound up my
aquatic journey from the presidency to Cawnpore.
The curtain is now about to rise on act the last of my
griffinage, and it may be some consolation to those who
have sat thus long to witness the performance, that they
are approaching the denouement, the grand flourish of
trumpets and exeunt omnes.
Cawnpore is the head-quarters of a division, and the
station of several thousand troops of all arms with
some slight addition, indeed, of native troops, a force can
be despatched almost immediately from this station with
which hardly any Indian army of the present day could
successfully contend in the open field.
At the period embraced by these memoirs, a regiment
of dragoons, two of native cavalry, one of European,
and three of native infantry, horse and foot, artillery,
pioneers, engineers, &c., &c., constituted the amount of
the military force at Cawnpore. The station itself has a
bad name amongst Indian stations, and richly does it
deserve it. Dust, ravines, and mangy black pigs are the
most striking features of the cantonment ; and the
neighbouring country is flat, arid, and peculiarly unin-
teresting.
The society is large, and time is killed here pretty
much in the same way as in other large stations private
and mess parties, masquerades and fancy dress-balls, and
private theatricals.
I passed a week with the hospitable major, which was
principally devoted to making the necessary preparations
for my march. I had nearly emptied the general's snuff-
box ; had no pay due ; and was consequently obliged to
consider economy in my purchases, and to relinquish all
ideas, if I ever had them, of travelling en seigneur or a
la nawaub.
The first thing was to purchase a nag, and the major
in this undertook to assist me and thereby hangs a tale.
He intimated to one of his regimental functionaries that
a young gentleman wanted a pony; and straightway a
330 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
rare assortment of Rosin antes in miniature made their
appearance in the compound. I never beheld the phrase
of " raw head and bloody bones " so completely reduced
to matter-of-fact before as in some of these lit ing satires
on the equine race, most of them grass-cutters' tatoos
the quintessence of vice and deformity a breed peculiar
to India, and the very pariar of horses.*
" Try this fellow, Gernon," said the major, laughing ;
" I think he'll do for you."
The major little thought how near he was to the mark.
On his so saying, I mounted, or rather threw my leg over
a very angular back-bone, and seizing a primitive bridle
of string or cord, solicited an onward movement with a
" gee-up."
Now, whether it was that I touched a "tender point,"
or being of greater specific gravity than a bundle of
grass, I know not ; but certainly I was no sooner in a
" fix," as the Yankees say, than the little devil emitted
an appalling scream, clapped back his ears, and com-
menced a rapid retrograde movement, backing me into the
midst of " seven devils " worse than himself.
In a moment, I had double that number of heels in
full play around me, spite of the tatoo owners' attempts
to drive off their animals. A thundering broadside in the
ribs of my Bucephalus, which damaged my leg consider-
ably, and other notes of battle sounding around, con-
vinced me speedily that the sooner my friend and I
parted company the better. I consequently rolled off,
and scrambled out of the mlee, receiving, in retreating,
an accelerator in the shape of another kick on or about
the region of the os coccygis. As for the major, he was
almost in convulsions.
" Confound it, major, that's too bad of you," said I,
" to get me on the back of that imp, and now to laugh
at my misfortunes."
" Oh ! then, by dad, you must forgive me," said he,
* The English reader can have little idea of the viciousness of Indian
horses and tatoos ; they fight like tigers, particularly the last-named.
MEMOIES OF A GRIFFIN. 331
his eyes still streaming ; " but if it was my father him-
self I could not resist ; '' and again he laughed till he
gave up through exhaustion.
This over, I proceeded to a more cautious selection,
and finally bought a tolerably decent-looking animal for
Es. 25, and who, bating that his fore-feet were in the
first position, was worth the money. A small tent, in
India termed a routee, rather the worse for wear, I
bought for Ks. 60, and this, with a Cawnpore-made
saddle and bridle, a hackery, two bullock-trunks, and a
pair of bangy baskets, constituted my turn-out for the
march.
My friend the major kindly took me with him to
messes and wherever he was invited.
These mess parties I then thought very pleasant,
though I confess I should now derive very little pleasure
from the scenes in which I was then wont to delight,
particularly on what were considered public nights
toasting, speechifying, drinking, singing songs (many of
the grossest description), roaring and screeching, with
the finale of devilled biscuits, daybreak, pale faces, per
haps a quarrel or two, and half a dozen under the table,
in a few words describe them.
Since those days, and twenty-five years are now equal
to a century of the olden time as respects progress,
things have improved ; we have begun to learn in what
true sociality really consists even and tranquil inter-
change of thought, with a sprinkling of decent mirth,
the genuine " feast of reason and the flow of soul " to
which eating and drinking, the mere gastronomic plea-
sures of the table, are considered as secondary rather
than as principal sources of enjoyment.
The change, however, is yet but beginning ; aldermen,
it is true, have ceased to be inseparably associated (as
twin ideas) with huge paunches and red noses your
seven-bottle men have enjoyed the last of their fame,
which reposes with the celebrity of a Beau Brummel ;
but too much of the old Saxon leaven the wine and
332 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
wassail-loving and gormandizing spirit, with an excess
of animalism in other respects still characterizes us ;
and, little as it may be thought, is a serious hindrance to
social and intellectual advancement.
The more exalted pleasures of the heart and intellect,
let it he observed in passing, can only be enjoyed, indi-
vidually and nationally, by those who can restrain their
grosser appetites within moderate bounds. This great
truth the Easterns of old perceived, though (like all
truth when first discerned) it was pushed to a vicious
extreme in this case that of excessive mortification.
This inordinate love of that which administers grati-
fication to the senses (allowable in a moderate degree)
is, it appears to my humble apprehension, our prime
national defect ; it engenders a fearful selfishness and
profusion militates against that moderation and simpli-
city of character from which great things spring marks
a state of pseudo-civilization, and causes to be left fallow
or but partially cultivated the field of the benevolent
affections the true source of the purest enjoyments.
When man shall be sought and prized for his qualities
and virtues, and not for his mere adjuncts of wealth and
station ; when happy human hearts and smiling human
faces shall have more real charms for the great and re-
fined than the pirouettes of a Taglioni or the strains of
a Eubini ; when the glow of self-approval shall be able
to battle with the fashionable sneer and the " world's
dread laugh/' and the duties of kindred and country
shall take precedence of " missions to the blacks," and
the like ; then, indeed, shall we be opening a new field
for the mighty energies of our race, and entering on a
happy millennium.
What a power to effect good, by leading the young
and awakening spirit of the age into paths of peace, do
the aristocracy of this country possess, if they would but
use it ! Standing on the vantage ground of fashion,
wealth and station, they might infuse fresh moral and
intellectual vigour into the nation, and stem, by all that
MEMOIKS OF A GKIFFIN. 333
is liberal, ennobling, and refining, the somewhat sordid
and mediocre influences of mere commercial wealth.
" Truth," from them, would prevail with " double sway ; "
whilst philanthropists in "seedy coats" may plead in
vain with the fervour of a Paul and the eloquence of a
Demosthenes. " What's in a name ? " says Shakespeare
" a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."
There the immortal bard utterly belied his usual accu-
racy.
CHAPTEK XXIV.
A MILITARY execution must be, under all circumstances
and to all persons, an awful and striking exhibition ; but
seen for the first time, it makes on the young mind a
peculiarly deep and painful impression. An European
soldier of one of the regiments at the station had, in a
fit of passion and disappointment, attempted the life of
his officer, and, agreeably to the necessarily stern pro-
visions of military law, was sentenced to be shot. I
witnessed the execution ; * a solemn scene it was, and
one which will never be effaced from my memory.
The troops of various arms, European and native,
were drawn up when I reached the parade, and formed
in three sides of an immense square, facing inwards.
The arms were "ordered," and a portentous silence
prevailed, broken only occasionally by the clank of a
mounted officer's sword, and the tramp of his horse's
hoofs as he rode slowly down the ranks. The morning
mists were beginning to disperse, and the bright sun
was darting his long and almost level rays across the
parade ground, and gleaming brightly on a forest of
steel and dazzling accoutrements the last sunrise the
unhappy criminal was ever destined to behold.
* This is a faithful description of a real occurrence, though it did not
take place at the supposed time.
334 MEMOIRS OF A GEIFFIN.
The roll of the drum now announced his arrival, and
soon the procession, in which he occupied a conspicuous
position, rounded the flank of one of the sides of the
square.
First marched, at a slow pace, a party hearing the
coffin of the condemned, followed by the execution
party ; then the band, playing the Dead March in Saul:
it was a frightful scene, and sent a damp to my heart
what must have been its effects on the unhappy man
himself?
Last in the melancholy procession came a litter (doo-
lie), borne on the shoulders of men ; and in it, with a
white cap on his head, and a face calm and resigned, but
deadly pale, sat the unfortunate soldier, for whom, I con-
fess, I felt most deeply. By his side, arrayed in full
canonicals, walked the chaplain, his book open in his
hand, reading those prayers and promises speaking of
pardon and hope which are calculated to cheer the
parting hour, and to soften the bitterness of death.
The procession having passed slowly along the front
of each regiment, which, from the great extent of the
square, occupied a considerable time, now drew off to
the centre of what, if complete, would have consti-
tuted the fourth side of the parallelogram : there it
halted.
The coffin-bearers placed their burden on the ground
and retired ; the execution-party drew up at some dis-
tance from it. The prisoner left his doolie, and, accom-
panied by the clergyman, walked slowly and with a
firm step towards the coffin ; on this they both knelt,
with their faces towards the troops, and prayed with up-
lifted hands.
Profound was the silence. A soul was preparing for
eternity! Being a spectator at large, I selected my
position, and being close to the spot, saw all distinctly.
After some time had been occupied in prayer, the
chaplain retired, when the judge advocate, on horseback,
came forward, and, drawing forth the warrant for the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 835
prisoner's execution, read it with a firm and audible voice;
at the conclusion, the chaplain once more advanced, and,
kneeling on the coffin, again, with uplifted hands, and
deep and impressive fervour, imparted the last spiritual
consolations to the condemned.
What feelings must have torn the bosom of that un-
happy being at that moment ! Set up as a spectacle
before thousands an ignominious death before him
and perhaps the thoughts of those he loved, of kindred
and of home, never more to be seen, adding another
drop to his cup of bitterness ! But yet he quailed not
no muscle trembled and a stern determination to die
like a man was stamped upon his care-worn and marbly
countenance.
The tragedy was now drawing to a close. The chap-
lain, with apparent reluctance, rose and retired, and at
the same moment the sergeant of the execution-party
advanced and bound a handkerchief over the prisoner's
eyes, also pinioning his arms. Still not a muscle
moved ; there were 110 signs of weakness, though the
situation might well have excused them, and the chest
was thrown out and squared to receive the leaden mes-
sengers of death.
The " make ready ! " and the crack of the muskets as
they were brought to the " recover/' were startling notes
of preparation, and fell with sickening effect on my ear.
I could scarcely believe it possible I was looking on a
scene of reality a fellow- creature about to be shot
down, however deservedly, in cold blood, like a very
dog.
" Present ! " " fire ! " and all was over. A mass of
balls, close together, pierced his heart over he went like
a puppet fell on his back, and never moved a limb.
Life seemed borne away on the balls that went through
him, and to have vanished with the speed of an electric
spark.
There he lay, like fallen Hassan, " his back to earth,
his face to heaven/' his mouth open, as if to put forth a
336 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
cry which had died unborn with the passing pang ; one
blood-red spot on his cheek, where a bullet had entered,
lending its frightful contrast to the marbly hue of his
features ; the heel of one foot rested on the coffin, the
other on the ground; his hands open and on their
backs.
A short pause now ensued, which was soon followed
by a stir of mounted officers galloping to and fro, and
the loud command to " wheel back into open column,"
and " march ! "
In this order the whole force advanced, the bands of
the several regiments playing in succession, as they
marched past the corpse, the deep and solemn strains of
the Adeste Fideles, or Portuguese Hymn, a dirge- like air,
admirably adapted for such occasions, and which breathes
the very soul of melancholy.
As the flanks of each company passed, almost touch-
ing the dead man, it was curious to observe the various
expressions in the countenances of the soldiers, Euro-
pean and sepoy, as they stole their almost scared and
sidelong glances at it.
The non-military reader will be a little surprised, as
I am sure I was, when I tell him that each regiment,
after having passed the body a few hundred yards,
changed the slow to quick march, and diverged to their
several lines, playing " The girl I left behind me," or
some similar lively air, with a view, I presume, to dissi-
pate the recent impression.
The wisdom of such a proceeding is by no means
self-evident ; it seems indecent, to say the least of it :
to be consistent, we should always ring a merry peal
after a funeral, or a gallopade home from church.
Bidding adieu to my friend the major, and duly
equipped for the march, I left Cawnpore for Futtyghur,
and the following was the composition of my rather
patriarchal turn-out bating the red coats and muskets
of my escort : a naick and six sepoys of Nizamut, or
militia ; we might have passed pretty well for the section
"
__^2*S$&..
m
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 337
of a nomade tribe on the move in search of clearer streams
and greener pastures.
A two-bullock hackery or country cart, a very primi-
tive lumbering locomotive, whose wheels, utter strangers
to grease, emitted the most excruciating music, conveyed
my tent, trunks, and hen-coops, with the dobie's lady
and family perched a-top of all.
Then there was a bangy-burdah, with two green
petaras, containing my breakfast and dinner apparatus,
whilst Ramdial, my sirdar, trudged on, bearing the
bundle containing my change of linen, and dragging my
milch-goat (for Nanny did not approve of marching)
after him, nolens volens.
Nunco led my dogs in a leash ; to wit, Teazer, and a
nondescript substitute for the bull, with a few evanescent
shades of the greyhound, which I had purchased at
Cawnpore. I named this animal, rather ironically,
"Fly," which Nunco manufactured into " Pillai."
Fyz Buccas, kidmutgar, trudged along, driving before
him a knock-kneed shambling tatoo, which I verily
thought he would have made a spread eagle of, laden
with his wife, two children, and sundry bags, pots, pans,
&c. Whether Mrs. Fyz Buccas was a beauty or not I
cannot positively say, though, if I might judge from
the sample of one coal-black eye, of which, through the
folds of her hood I occasionally had a glimpse, I should
decidedly say she was.
I generally rode ahead of the procession, armed cap-
a-pie, and shone the very lean ideal of griffinish chiv-
alry. My syce always carried my gun, to be ready for
a shot at a passing wolf or jackal, and with one or two
other servants, viz., a classee, or tent-pitcher, bhistee,
&c., with my guard, we constituted a rather numerous
party.
In the above order I left Cawnpore, for a small village
on the road to Furruckabad, where, in an extensive
mango grove, I for the first time in my life slept under
canvas.
338 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
It is the almost invariable custom in India to march
in the early part of the morning, so as to reach the
halting-ground before the sun has attained much power;
but I was either ignorant of the practice, or thought it
would be preferable to reverse the system ; certain it is,
that for some time I always marched in the evenings,
arriving at my ground sometimes after dark; by that
means I was enabled to rise at my own hour comfort-
ably the next morning, and had the whole day till
about sunset for my amusement.
About that time I would seat myself on a chair
under a tree, with my kulian in my hand, and super-
intend the striking and loading my tent, &c. About
half an hour after they were fairly off, I would rise
like a giant refreshed, mount my steed, whilst my
syce obsequiously held my stirrup, and, fairly seated,
would follow the baggage.
I love to recall in imagination those days, the open-
ing ones of my independent existence. How vividly
can I recall the scene which this march so often pre-
sented ! the waning sunlight of the cold winter even-
ings, a few bright streaks just tinging the horizon, my
hackery slowly wending its way over the plain, and
my scattered servants crawling behind it, in a cloud of
dust; the mango groves villages mud huts, and
all the accompaniments of a country life in Upper
India !
I must not here omit to mention that, prior to my
leaving Cawnpore, I received a letter from my friend and
patron Captain Marpeet, with whom I occasionally cor-
responded ; it was couched in his usual frank and half-,
bantering style, and informed me that his regiment was
on the eve of marching to Delhi, and that he anticipated
great pleasure in meeting me there. Thus it concluded :
" Recollect, my dear boy, I shall have a room at your
service, and that you put up with me on your arrival ;
you are not fit to take care of yourself yet, and require a
little more of my drilling and paternal care. Give me a
MEMOIRS OP A GRIFFIN. 339
few lines from Futtyghur, and mention when I may expect
you. A friend of mine, Judge Sympkin, is now out in
the district through which you will pass, on some Mo-
fussil business. I enclose you a few lines of introduction,
and have written to tell him he may expect you. He is a
princely fellow, a first-rate sportsman, and lives like a
fighting-cock, as a Bengal civilian should do. Hoping
soon to shake you by the hand,
" I am, worthy Griff,
" Yours, &c.,
" J. MARPEET."
A few days brought me to Futtyghur, of which I have
nothing particular to record, excepting that the adjoining
town of Furruckabad is celebrated for the manufacture
of tent cloth and camp equipage, and as the scene of the
defeat of Holkar's cavalry by our dragoons in Lord
Lake's war.
By the way, an officer who was in that action told the
relator, that the Brummagem swords of the troopers would
make little or no impression on the quilted jackets and
vests of the Mahrattas, and that he saw many of them
dismount and take the well-tempered blades of the
natives they had pistoled, and use them instead of their
own. The keen, razor-like swords of the East give those
who wield them a fearful advantage over men armed
with our mealy affairs. The former will split a man
down from the " nave to the chine," or slice off his head
with infinite ease (sauf karna, " to shave him clean," is
the Indian phrase), whilst ours require immense physi-
cal force to produce such a result.
The author once met some troopers of the 4th Eegi-
ment of Native Cavalry, some squadrons of which were
dismissed for turning tail when ordered to charge the
ex- raj ah of Kotah's body-guard, and asked them how
they came to disgrace themselves. The answer of one
of them was,
" Why, what chance, sir, have we with men in chain
z 2
340 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
armour, and wielding swords of such a temper that they
will cut down horse and man at a single blow ? "
I mention this as hearing on recent acts and discus-
sions, not in justification of the men, hut as affording a
probable clue to the backwardness of our cavalry on some
occasions. I think we are prone to rely too much on
the power of disciplined troops acting en masse, to the
neglect of those matters calculated to increase individual
prowess. Good arms are a first-rate consideration, not
only for the superior execution they do, but on account
of the confidence with which they inspire the soldier.
At Futtyghur my tent was besieged by the venders of
cloth, &c., and one man brought a number of tulwars
(swords) made at Rampore, in Bohilcund, a place cele-
brated for them, for sale. After some higgling, I pur-
chased one, a keen and well-poised blade, for the small
sum of Es. 4. I longed to try it upon some neck or
other, and, as luck would have it, soon had the desired
opportunity, on a felonious pariar dog, which had made
free with a portion of my dinner.
I had advanced some four or five marches beyond Fur-
ruckabad, each day diversified by some novelty in the
scenery some fresh object, in the shape of travellers,
pilgrims, buildings, and the like but still beginning to
feel the want of a companion whose language was the
same as my own, when one morning, as I was strolling,
with my pellet-bow in my hand (for I had resumed it, in
spite of the crack on the thumb), T observed at a dis-
tance a horseman slowly approaching.
As he came nearer, I observed he was mounted on a
tall Rosiuante-looking steed, with a flowing tail and
mane ; his head-stall was of a sort of red bell-rope-look-
ing cord ; a bunch of red cloth, something like a hand-
kerchief, dangled under his horse's chin, from whence a
standing martingale passed between his legs. Amulets
and chains were round his animal's neck, and the saddle
(or cushion, rather) was covered with a square broad
cloth of red and yellow chequers.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 341
The cavalier himself, a dark-bearded Mahomedan, was
a fine specimen of the Hindoostanee irregular horseman.
His chupkun, or vest, of yellow broad cloth, reached to
his knee, and his legs were encased in long wrinkled boots,
something like Jack Sheppard's, and which would not
have been the worse for a touch of Day and Martin.
On his head he wore a cylindrical Cossack-looking
cap of black felt or lambskin. A long matchlock was
poised on his shoulder ; a tulwar, or scimitar, was stuck
in his cummerbund or girdle, and a circular black shield,
of buffalo's hide, swung on his shoulders.
Altogether, though I was brought up in the orthodox
belief that one Englishman is equal to three Frenchmen,
and of course, to an indefinite number of blacks, I cannot
say I should have liked to encounter him upon my tatoo.
However, his was a mission of peace, as I soon discovered.
On seeing me, he dug his heels into his horse's flanks,
and was soon beside me. Throwing himself off, he saluted
me with an off-handed salaam, in which hauteur and
civility were oddly blended, and then, taking off his cap,
he extracted therefrom a letter, somewhat pinguinized
and sudorificated, which he respectfully placed in my
hands. It was addressed to " Ensign Francis Gernon,
on his march to Delhi," and ran thus :
"MY DEAR SIR,
" Our mutual friend Marpeet has apprized me of
your approach ; I write, therefore, to say that, as a friend
of his, it will give me great pleasure if you can spare me a
day or two, if not pressed to join. Your Colonel Bob-
bery I know well, and will undertake to mollify him if
necessary. The sowar, the bearer of this, will conduct
you at once to my encampment, and you can instruct
your people to follow in the morning. I have a spare
tent and cot at your service.
" Hoping soon to see you,
" I am yours truly,
"AUGUSTUS SYMPKIN."
342 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
" That will do," I inwardly ejaculated, as, after exam-
ining the seal and superscription, I conveyed the letter to
my pocket. I instantly ordered my pony, and girding
on my spit, wherewith to destroy any chance giants or
dragons I might encounter on the way, I gave the signal,
and the sowar and I were soon in a long canter for the
judge's tents.
After a ride of about eight miles, the turn of the road
exhibited to my view the judge's encampment, in which
were tents and people enough for nearly a regiment of
five hundred men.
Under a spreading banyan-tree were a couple of ele-
phants, eating branches of trees for their tea, as we do
water- cresses, and sundry camels bubbling* and roaring,
and uprearing their lofty necks by the well-side, where,
from the force of association, I almost looked for Jacob
and the fair Rebecca, as represented in those Scripture
prints which in infancy we love to dwell upon, and whence
probably originates that exquisite charm, that, through
our future life, is ever interwoven with Eastern scenes
and customs.
Under a couple of tamarind trees, four or five beautiful
horses were picketed; amongst them a milk-white Arab,
with a flowing tail. This was the judge's favourite
steed. " Pretty well all this," thought I, " for one man,
and he, too, perhaps, the son of some small gentleman."
My arrival caused a considerable stir at the large tent.
Two or three chupprassies, or silver- badge men, darted in
to announce me ; the bearer caught up the huge red
umbrella or chattah, to be prepared for the great man's
exit, and to guard his honoured cranium from the rays
of the now declining sun. One or two others held
aside the purdahs, or chicks, and Mr. Sympkin, a well-
compacted, hearty, jolly, but withal gentlemanly man, of
forty-five or fifty, or thereabouts, stood forth to view ; he
was followed by a fat squabby man, of the colour of
* When the camel blows out his water-bag from his mouth, the act is
attended with a loud gurgling, or rather bubbling sound.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. -343
yellow soap or saffron, who, though attired in some-
thing like the European garb, did not, nevertheless, in
other respects, seem to belong to our quarter of the
globe.
The judge shook me heartily by the hand, and was at
once so smiling and cordial, that I began to fancy I
must certainly have known him somewhere before, and
that this could never be the first of our acquaintance.
It was true downright goodness of heart, bursting
through the cobwebs of ceremony, and going slap-bang
to its purpose.
" Well, Mr. Gernon, I'm happy to see you here sound
and safe. I hope my sowar piloted you well ; how far
off have you left your tents ? "
Having replied to these queries, he again resumed.
" When did you hear last from our friend Marpeet ?
not since I did, I dare say. Come, give your pony to
that man, and he'll take care of him for you."
I resigned my tatoo, who was led off.
The judge's servants smiled, and exchanged significant
glances, as my little jaded rat, with accoutrements
calculated for a horse of sixteen hands high, was
marched away. I confess, for the first time, I felt
perfectly ashamed of him.
"Come in," said the judge, "we will dine somewhat
earlier on your account; but, in the meantime, as you
must be fatigued, a glass of wine will refresh you. Qui
hye ? sherry -shrol) lou. By the bye," said he, recollect-
ing himself, as we turned to enter the tent, " I had nearly
forgotten to introduce you to a fellow-traveller. Ensign
Gernon, the Rev. Mr. Arratoon Bagram Sarkies; Mr.
Sarkies, Mr. Gernon."
The little fat man smiled benignantly, as with a look
betokening that my youth and deportment had made a
pleasing impression upon him, he, in a manner half-
Asiatic, tendered me his hand, as if he felt himself bound
in duty to back the judge"s cordiality.
I was sorely puzzled to divine who this amiable little
344 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
personage could be, and to what portion of the church
universal his reverence belonged. Mr. Sympkin seemed,
I thought, to enjoy my gaping looks of astonishment,
but took an opportunity of informing me, very shortly
afterwards, that Mr. Sarkies was an Armenian mission-
ary, proceeding to Guzerat with a camel load of tracts,
in divers Eastern languages, for the purpose of convert-
ing the natives.
At the same time that he gave me this information,
he proposed, if agreeable to me, that we should keep
each other company for the few marches during which
our route would lie together. To this proposal I joy-
fully assented, for though the good missionary was not
exactly the sort of companion I should have selected,
had a choice been given me, nevertheless, an associate
of any kind who could speak my own language was,
under present circumstances, a great acquisition.
Dinner soon made its appearance in the tent, which
was fitted up with carpets, glass shades, attached by
clasps to the poles, and, in short, everything that could
render it comfortable and luxurious, and make us forget
that we were in the wilds of Hindostan.
The viands, which in excellence could not be surpassed
by anything procurable, of their several kinds, at the
most fashionable hotel or club-house at the west end of
the town, were served in burnished silver. The wines
and ales, of the most delicious kinds, were cooled a
merveille, and we were waited upon by fine, proud-
looking domestics, in rich liveries, who seemed fully
sensible of the lustre they borrowed from their master's
importance ; in short, I found myself all at once revelling
in luxury, and was made to feel, though in the pleasantest
possible way, the vastness of the gap which separates a
griffin going to join from the judge of a zillah court.
Mr. Sarkies, too, though his occupation referred more
immediately to the other world, seemed, like myself, by
no means insensible to the comforts of this mundane
state of existence, paying very marked attention to the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 345
mock-turtle, the roast saddle of mutton, maccaroni, and
other " tiny kickshaws " that followed in abundance.
In spite, however, of this little trait of the " old man
Adam/ 5 the missionary appeared a most kind-hearted and
benevolent creature; there was a childlike simplicity
about him, evincing a total absence of all guile, which
at once inspired a feeling of affection and regard, adding
a proof, were it wanting, of the power of truthfulness
and virtue, in whatever form it may appear. It was
obvious, at a glance, that the Padre's heart was over-
flowing with benevolence and love of his kind, and that
no one harsh or unamiable feeling harboured there.
The judge, though evidently of a jovial and bantering
turn, and not at all likely to turn missionary himself,
seemed clearly to entertain a mingled feeling of respect
and esteem for his single-hearted, but somewhat eccentric
guest, who, I found, owed his introduction to him to a
somewhat similar chance to that to which I was indebted
for mine a feeling that, in a great degree, restrained the
inclination which, in a good-natured way, would every
now and then peep out, to crack a joke at his expense.
After a very pleasant evening, I retired to a comfortable
cot, which my host ordered to be prepared for me ; and
next morning Mr. Sympkin, who was engaged on some
special business in the district, left us after breakfast to
attend to his duties and proceed to his cuchery tent,
around which were assembled horses and ponies gaily
caparisoned, and a concourse of native zumeendars,
with their attendants, hosts of villagers, witnesses, and
the various native functionaries in the judge's suite, who
in India bear the collective appellation of the " omlah."
At tiffin he joined us, as full of spirits as a boy just
let out of school, rubbing his hands in a gleeful way,
and asked me if I was disposed for a day's shooting,
for if so, he should be happy to show me some excellent
sport, the neighbourhood abounding in game. I need
hardly say that I was not backward in accepting his offer.
The day following was a most propitious one for sport,
346 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
the air clear and bracing, and the sun, as is the case in
this latitude and season, possessed of little power.
Breakfast over, the judge ordered his gun to be laid on
the table, and at the same time asked me how I was
provided in that way. I told him I was possessed of a
gun, but I dared say he would not deem it a first-rate
piece of ordnance.
" Allow me to look at it," said be ; " I'll send a man
to your tent for it ; " and with this he despatched a servant
to my routee.
The judge clicked my locks, turned the piece about,
took a peep at the muzzles, which were in rather fine
order for cutting wadding, in the absence of the instru-
ment usually employed for that purpose, shook his head,
and returned it to me.
" Come," said he, " I think we can set you up with a
better piece than that for the day ; though," added he,
archly, " it appears to have seen a little service too ; "
and so saying, he put together a splendid Joe Manton,
the locks of which spoke eloquently as he played them
off, and he placed it in my hands. "Have you ever
shot off an elephant ? "
" Never, sir, ' said I, " though I have ridden upon one
more than once."
" Well, then, you must make your first essay to-day ;
it is no easy matter ; you must allow for the rise and
fall of the animal, and take care you don't bag any of
the black fellows alongside of you."
I laughingly assured him I would endeavour to avoid
that mistake.
" Come along, then," said he ; "I think we are now
ready/'
The judge had two noble shekarrie, or hunting
elephants, trained to face the tiger, and for sport in
general, which stood ready caparisoned, with their
flaming red j /tools, or housings, in front of the tent. In
the howdah of one of them I took my seat, whilst the
judge occupied that of the other.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 347
Duly seated, guns secured, brandy and lunch stowed
away in the khowas or dicky, the stately brutes rose at
the command of the drivers from their recumbent
postures ; the orderly Cossack-looking horsemen mounted;
the troop of beaters shouldered their long laties or poles,
and we were instantly bearing away in full swing for the
sporting-ground. This lay at the distance of three or
four miles from our encampment, and consisted of a
long shallow jheel or lake, skirted by tracks of rank
grass, terminating in cultivation, villages, and groves of
trees.
The elephant moves both legs at one side simultane-
ously, consequently the body rises and falls, and his
motion is that of a ship at sea, and I felt before I tried
it that I should make nothing of my first attempt to
shoot off one.
We now formed line, the judge's elephant at one
extremity, or pretty nearly so, and mine at the other, and
advanced.
" Keep a good look-out, Gernon," cried my host ; " we
shall have something up immediately."
He had scarcely uttered the words, when up flustered
a huge bird from under the elephant's feet, towering
perpendicularly overhead ; his -burnished throat, golden
hues, and long sweeping tail, proclaimed him at once a
wild peacock. I endeavoured to cover him, but all in
vain, my gun's muzzles, like the poet's eye, were
alternately directed " from earth to heaven," through the
up-and-down motion of the elephant. IJowever, I blazed
away both barrels, but without touching a feather. On
attaining a certain elevation, he struck off horizontally,
wings expanded, cleaving the air like a meteor; but,
passing to the rear of my companion, he, with the greatest
sang-froid, rose, turned round in his howdah, and
dropped him as dead as a stone, amidst cries tf'lugga
lugya ("hit")! mara ("killed")! and wau, wau
("bravo")!
It is not considered very sportsmanlike to shoot the
348 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
full-grown peacock in India ; the chicks are, however,
capital eating, and are often bagged. In this instance,
the judge had evidently brought down the peacock for
my gratification ; this I inferred from his immediately
sending it to me by one of his horsemen, who hoisted it
up into the howdah at the end of his spear.
As we advanced farther into the long grass, evidences
of the deserved character of the spot began to thicken
around us ; black partridges rose every moment, and the
judge tumbled them over right and left, but not a
feather could I touch.
Our line now made a sweep, with a view to emerging
from the grass, and immediately a beautiful sight pre-
sented itself; it was a whole herd of antelopes, roused
by our beaters from their repose, and which went off
before us, bounding with the grace of Taglioni. Two
sharp cracks, and lugga, lugga I proclaimed that Mr.
Sympkin had laid an embargo on one or more of them.
This proved to be the case, and a fine black buck
antelope, with spiral horns and a white streak down his
side, and a fawn about half-grown, were soon seen
dangling from the broad quarters of the elephant.
On approaching the very verge of the long grass, a
cry of sewer, sewer ! was followed by a wild hog's bolt-
ing. I fired at him, and put a few shots in the hind-
quarters of one of the judge's horses, who thereat reared
and plunged, jerked off his rider's cap, and had nearly
dismounted the rider himself, whom I could hear
muttering a few curses at my awkwardness. The judge
also discharged a brace of barrels at him, but he got
off, and we saw him for a great distance scouring across
the plain.
Having issued from the grass, the judge drove his
elephant alongside of mine.
" Well, how do you get on ? I fear you found what
I said correct, eh ? You haven't hit much ? ''
" Much ! I haven't hit anything, sir, except one of
your sowars' horses, I am sorry to say : it is most tanta-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 349
lizing ! I doubt if ever I should succeed in striking an
object from an elephant."
" Oh, yes, you would," said my host, smiling ; " a little
practice makes perfect ; but come, well try on foot, on
your account, after we have taken some refreshment ; we
will confine ourselves to the skirts of the grass and
bajrakates,* where we can see about us."
Having refreshed ourselves with a glass of ale and
some cold ham and fowl, we proceeded to try our luck on
foot, and I now had the satisfaction of killing my fair
share of game.
" You have never, I presume, seen the mode in which
the hog-deer is taken in this part of the world ? "
I answered in the negative.
" Well, then," resumed Mr. Sympkin, " if disposed to
vary your sport, we have yet time before dinner. My
people have the nets, and I'll show you how it is done ;
this will be something to put in the next letter you write
home to astonish them all."
Having mounted horses, which were in attendance, we
proceeded at a smart amble to a pretty extensive tract of
reeds lying at the distance of a mile ; into this tract,
which terminated rather abruptly at some distance, a line
of men was placed, with here and there a horseman.
At the extremity of the tract of reeds, but in the open
plain, two ranks of men, with intervals of forty or fifty
paces between each man, were placed, in prolongation of
the sides of the patch of reeds. These two lines con-
verged, and were terminated at the apex of the cone by
a row of nets, formed of stout tarred cords, slightly
propped up by stakes.
The first-mentioned line now advanced with cries and
shouts, and as it approached the confines of the bank
of reeds, two fine hog-deer broke cover. The men
composing the two lines above mentioned, whose termini
appuyed on the nets, now squatted down close to the
earth, and as the animals approached, they raised their
* Fields of Bajra Holcus spicatus.
350 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
heads successively ; this alarming them, and preventing
every attempt to quit the street in which they were
confined.
In this clever way they forced the deer, edging them
on at full speed into the nets, into which they tumbled
headlong, rolling over and over, completely manacled in
the toils. I never saw anything so cleverly managed ;
the fellows did everything with wonderful coolness and
tact, and seemed perfectly masters of their craft.
Laden with game, after a most interesting day's sport,
we returned to Mr. Sympkin's tent, where we found our
smiling little friend, the Padre, with his ever-ready hand
extended, and prepared to receive and to congratulate us.
After passing another day with our princely host, we
took our leave and commenced our journey. Our tents
had been sent overnight, and after an abundant breakfast,
Ensign Gernon, the Griffin, and the Rev. Arratoon
Bagram Sarkies, soon found themselves jogging along,
discussing things in general in as cosy dialogues as those
recorded to have taken place between the renowned knight
of La Mancha and his valorous squire. The good mis-
sionary, I was flattered to observe, took a warm and
affectionate interest in me, which he manifested by a
strong effort to impress upon me the deep importance of
his religious views.
One afternoon, as the missionary and I were sitting
outside our tents, my attention was attracted towards a
group of sepahis engaged under a banyan-tree playing
the game of back-sword. As. the mode in which this
exercise is conducted may be new to the reader, I shall
describe it.
The first who entered the lists or circle of spectators
were two handsome and well-formed Rajpoots, who would
have served for models of Apollo, and who in this exercise
display uncommon agility and suppleness of limb ; they
were naked to the loins, round which, the hips, and upper
part of the thighs, was tightly wound the dotee, or waist-
cloth, which sustains and strengthens the back the
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 351
" girding of the loins," so often mentioned in Scripture,
&c. Each of the men held in his left hand a diminutive
leathern shield or target, less than a foot in diameter,
whilst his right grasped a long wooden sword, covered
also with leather, and padded and guarded about the
handle.
Having exchanged salutes, one of them, holding his
weapon at the recover, and planting himself in a firm
attitude, hent a stern gaze on his adversary, which seemed
to say, " Now do your worst."
The other now commenced those ludicrously grotesque
antics which, amongst the Hindoostanee athletse, are
always the prelude to a set-to. He first, with the air of
a maltre de ballet, took two or three sweeping steps to
the right, eyed his opponent for an instant, and then
kicking up his foot behind, so as almost to touch the
small of his hack, he twirled round on his heel, and with
his chest expanded and thrown proudly out, made another
grave and prancing movement in the other direction ; he
now approached nearer, struck the ground with his sword,
dared his adversary to the onset, and again retreated with
two or three long back-steps to the utmost verge of the
circle formed by the spectators. Like cautious enemies,
however, neither seemed to like to commit himself until
sure of a palpable hit.
At last, however, he who had been standing on the
defensive, following with his hawk's eye the other's strut-
ting gyrations, perceiving an advantage, levelled a blow
at his adversary with the rapidity of lightning, which was
caught on the target and returned as quick as- thought.
A rapid' and animated exchange of strokes now took place,
accompanied by the most agile bounds and movements;
most of these blows rattled on the targets; head and
shoulders, nevertheless, came in for an ample share of
ugly hits.
The fight at length ceased, and the breathless and
exhausted combatants rested from their gladiatorial ex-
hibition, amidst many " wau, waus " and " shabases "
352 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
(" bravos") ! resigning their weapons to two others anxious
to display their prowess.
Subsequent experience of them has convinced me that
a finer body of men is hardly to be found than the sepoys
of Hindostan, particularly in their own country; for,
taken out of it into a climate where the food, water, &c.,
disagree with them, they lose much of their spirit and
stamina.
Our countryman, the British soldier, possesses an un-
rivalled energy and bull- dog courage, which certainly,
when the tug of war the hour of real danger comes,
must, as it ever has done, bear everything before it; but
justice demands the admission that, in many other
respects, the sepoy contrasts most favourably with him
temperate, respectful, patient, subordinate, and faithful
one of his highest principles being " fidelity to his salt,"
he adds to no ordinary degree of courage every other
requisite of a good soldier.
A judicious policy towards these men, based on a
thorough knowledge of their peculiar characteristics,
may bind them to us for ages yet to come, by the double
link of affection and interest, and enable us, as an Indian
power, to laugh alike at foreign foes and domestic
enemies ; whilst a contrary course, and leaving their
feelings and customs to be trifled with by inexperienced
innovators, may, ere long, produce an opposite effect,
and cause them, if once alienated, to shake us off " like
dew-drops from the lion's mane."
Serais, or places of entertainment for wayfarers well
known to all readers of Eastern tales as caravan- serais
I frequently met with at towns on my march, and some-
times encamped within or near the walls. The serais,
like the generality of buildings in India, are almost
always in a ruinous state, it being nobody's business to
keep them in a state of repair.
These structures, some of them the fruits of the piety
and munificence of former times, are a great public
benefit ; their construction is generally similar, and con-
MEMOIRS OP A GRIFFIN. 353
sists of four walls of brick, stone, or mud, sometimes
battlemented, forming a parallelogram, having gateways
at two opposite sides, through which the high road usually
passes. Small cells or apartments, with arched entrances,
run round the interior, in any one of which the weary
traveller may spread his mat, smoke his pipe, and enjoy
his repose as long as he pleases.
Each serai has its establishment of attendants, Imnyahs
(shopkeepers), bhistees and mehturs (water-carriers and
sweepers), who ply their several occupations, and ad-
minister to the traveller's wants.
What a motley and picturesque assemblage do these
serais sometimes exhibit ! In one part saunters a group
of fair and athletic Affghans from Cabul or Peshawur,
proceeding with horses, greyhounds, dried fruits, and
the like, to sell in the south ; their fearless bearing and
deep voices proclaim them natives of a more invigorat-
ing climate. In another, a drove of bunjarra bullocks
repose amongst piled sacks of grain, and quietly munch
the cud, whilst their nomade drivers smoke or snore
around.
Under the shade of yon drooping tamarind-tree, on
a branch of which his sword and shield are suspended,
a Mahomedan traveller has spread his carpet, and with
his face towards Mecca (his kibla], his head hanging
on his breast, and his arms reverentially folded, he offers
up his evening's devotions ; near him, on the little clay
terrace, is to be seen the high-caste bramin, his body
marked with ochres and pigments, and, surrounded by
his religious apparatus of conch, flowers, and little brazen
gods, he blows his shell, tinkles his bell, and goes
through all his little mummeries, with the full conviction
that he is fulfilling the high behests of Heaven.
Groups of camels, tatoos, or the gaunt steed of some
roaming cavalier some Dugald Dalgetty of the East,
seeking employment for his jaws and sword, or rather
for his sword and jaws, for such is the order serve to
fill up the little picture I have been describing, and which
A A
354 MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN.
in my griffinisli days, and since, I have contemplated
with pleasure.
In a day or two we reached Allyghur, where my good
friend the missionary and I were destined to part, his
route lying to the southward towards Agra, mine in a
more northerly direction to Delhi. Here I received a
few lines from Marpeet, saying that he was looking for
my arrival with great pleasure. " You had better push
on as fast as you can, my dear Gernon, for your com-
mandant, who is a crusty old fellow, and a very tight
hand, has been heard to express his surprise at your not
having long since made your appearance."
This letter rather damped the buoyancy of my spirits.
The following morning I took leave of my good friend
the missionary ; his eyes filled with tears as he clasped
my hands in both of his, and whilst pressing them to his
bosom, pronounced a prayer and a blessing over me.
If it indeed be true, and we have no reason to doubt
it, that the prayer of the righteous man " availeth much,"
that prayer was deeply to be valued. Short as was the
time of our acquaintance, I felt as if I had known him
all my life, and was, consequently, much affected at part-
ing. Half-choking as he rode off, I waved him a sorrow-
ful, and what has proved a last, adieu.
CHAPTER XXV.
A FEW days more brought me to my last day's march on
the banks of the Jumna, and the mosques and minarets
of the ancient capital of India broke on my delighted
view.
I had scarcely dismounted from my pony at my tent
door, which commanded a distant glimpse of the blue
and " soft stealing " Jumna, when I perceived three
Europeans on horseback approaching at a hard gallop.
As they drew near, I recognized in one of the three my
MEMOIRS OF A GBIFFIN. 355
friend and Mentor, Captain Marpeet. He was soon up,
and warm and cordial was our greeting.
" Well, my boy, long looked-for comes at last ; glad to
have you amongst us, Gernon," said he, presenting me to
his companions, two laughing, beardless ensigns ; " let
me introduce you to my two boys, Wildfire and Skylark ;
two intractable dogs," added he, laughing ; " have given
me twice the trouble to break in that you did."
Wildfire and Skylark shook hands with me, and in ten
minutes we were as intimate as if we had known each
other for six months.
" Come, mount again, Gern on," said Marpeet; " you
are but a few miles from Delhi, and it is useless for you
to remain here all day. Come along ; I have breakfast
all ready for you at my shop ; your things, you know,
can follow to-morrow ; you don't, though, appear to be
overburthened with baggage, Frank, eh ? Dogs, too
hah regular terrier bunnow.* Great a griff as ever, I
see hah ! hah ! "
We pursued our course towards cantonments, Marpeet
riding in the midst of his proteges as proudly as an old
gander on a green at the head of three orphan goslings.
We crossed the river Jumna in a broad, square, flat-
bottomed ferry-boat ; and after riding through some rich
cultivation on its banks, joined a road skirting part of
the ruins of ancient Delhi, which from that point
exhibited a confused assemblage of ruins fort, mosque,
tomb, and palace stretching far away behind us in the
distance, towards what I afterwards learned was the mau-
soleum of Humaioon.
I was particularly struck, as I rode on, by one large
desolate building, which Captain Marpeet informed me
was the ancient palace of Firoze Shah. A lofty pillar of
stone, something like one of the round towers of Ireland,
rose out of the centre of it, whilst the whole mass of
building exhibited a touching picture of loneliness and
* Terrier bunnow a village pariar dog, docked and cropped to make
him pass for a terrier.
A A 2
356 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
desolation; long grass and the silvery roots ofthepeepul
grew around the battered arches and casements, out of
one of which a couple of fat and saucy jackals were
peeping, to reconnoitre us as we rode beneath.
We entered the modern city near the mansion of the
Nawaub Ahmed Buksh Khan,* through an embattled
gateway occupied by a guard of Nnjjeebs, a sort of
highly picturesque militia, attired in the Hindoostanee
garb, and armed and equipped with crooked-stocked
matchlocks, mull shaped powder-horns, and other para-
phernalia of a very primitive and extraordinary descrip-
tion. These men, who were upon guard, were smoking,
sleeping, and doing their best to kill old Time, that
enemy who, in the long run, is pretty sure to kill us.
We were soon in that part of the town called Derriow
Gunge, where a portion of the troops were cantoned,t
and drawing up before an odd sort of building, of a very
mixed style of architecture, my friend dismounted, and
announced my arrival at Marpeet Hall, " to which, my
boy," said he, with a squeeze, " you are heartily welcome,
and where you may stick up your spoon, with my two
babes in the wood there, as long as you please ; don't
blow me up, that's all, or set the house on fire, and you
may do what else you like. So now for breakfast," said
the captain, cracking his half-hunter (whip), as a hint, I
presumed, to the bawurchee (cook) to be expeditious, and
shouting " hazree looe juldee " (" breakfast quickly "),
he motioned us to enter, and followed.
The captain's residence had been in the olden time a
mosque or tomb, I cannot exactly say which ; but with
the addition of a terrace and verandah, and a few extra
doors punched through walls six feet thick, it made a
capital abode, combining the coolness in summer and
the warmth in winter, which result from this solid mode
* Whose son acquired since a dreadful celebrity as the murderer of
Mr. Fraser.
f Siuce this period, cantonments have been erected outside the walls of
the city.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 357
of construction, with the superadded European con-
veniences.
My friend's house was but a type of that widespread-
ing process of adaptation which is now going on
throughout the East, and its inhabitants, and which, as
long as it does not effect a too radical alteration of that
which " nature and their stars " intended for a people so
circumstanced, is much to be rejoiced at.
Breakfast was laid out in a vaulted chamber, as mas-
sive as a bomb-proof, the walls and roofs in compart-
ments, with here and there a niche for a cheragh, or lamp.
There were we, a jovial quartette, eating red herrings and
rashers of the " unclean beast," where the moollah had
pronounced his " Allah-il- Allah" or possibly over the
respectable dust of some mighty Mogul Omrah.
After breakfast, Marpeet took me to the adjutant of
my new regiment a tall, strapping, good-looking man,
of about eight- and- twenty, who told me I must report
myself immediately to Colonel Bobbery, the commandant
of my regiment, as also of the station.
" You have been some time on your way up, haven't
you?" said I'M adjutant, significantly; " we began to be
half afraid tuut the Thugs had made away with you, or
that you had gone on a pilgrimage to Hurdwar."
" I fear I have exceeded my proper time very con-
siderably," I replied; "but I must ascribe it to the
hospitality of friends whom I met with on the way."
" Well, you must settle all that," replied the adjutant,
" with the colonel, who has often been inquiring for you,
and to whose quarters we will now, if you please, pro-
ceed."
I began to feel confoundedly nervous, and to apprehend
that I was now about to taste a few of the incipient
sweets of military subjection. The adjutant buckled on
his accoutrements, I did the like with mine, which, at
Marpeet's suggestion, I had brought with me, and off we
walked to the colonel's.
" Bather a harsh man, the colonel, isn't he ? " said I,
358 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
as we went along, hoping to elicit a little consolation in
the shape of a negative.
" Why," said the adjutant, " he is certainly a great
stickler for duty, and fond of working the young hands
what we call a ' tight hand/"
I was " floored."
The colonel's bungalow was on the ramparts of the
city, overlooking the Jumna, and the expanse of country
through which it flows. Orderlies and a posse of silver-
stick men, &c., were about the door ; we entered, and the
adjutant presented me to Colonel Bobbery, one of the
most extraordinary-looking little mortals I ever beheld.
The colonel's height was about five feet four perhaps
less and his body as nearly approaching to an oblate
spheriod as any body I ever beheld. This orbicular mass
was supported on two little legs, adorned with very
crumpled tights, and a pair of Hessian boots, then much
worn, and minus the usual appendage of tassels. His
neck, which was remarkably long, was girt round with a
very tight black stock, on the top of which, as may be
supposed, was his head, the most extraordinary part of
this very original specimen of " the human form divine ;**
his front face (profile he had none, which could be pro-
perly so called, bating an irregular curve with a large
bulbous projection about the middle) was fat and rubi-
cund ; his nose Bardolphian, flanked by two goggle-eyes,
in which the several expressions of intellect, fun, and
sensuality were singularly blended. A small Welsh wig
completed the oddest tout ensemble Ihsid yet seen in India.
" Oh ! you are the young gentleman we have been
expecting for the last five months ? better late than
never glad to see you at last, sir."
I mentioned something about friends hospitality
and detention.
*' Oh, yes, yes ! I know all about that ; the old story ;
yes, yes ! but you must be quicker in your future move-
ments eh, Marchwell?" said he, turning to the adju-
tant ; " verbum sap., you know, verbum sap."
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 359
After a rather prolonged conversation, during which I
informed him I had done duty with the Zuburdust
Bullumteers, and gave him some account of his friend,
Mr. Sympkin, which he was pleased to receive, I rose to
take my leave.
" Who are you with ? '' asked the colonel.
I told him with Captain Marpeet.
" Oh ! my friend Marpeet, eh ? Well, tell him to dine
with me to-morrow, and bring you with him. I dine at
six, and wait for nohody. March well, Mr. Gernon will
attend all drills, parades, and guard-mountings ; we
mustn't let you forget what Colonel Lolsaug has taught
you."
I soon became comfortably domiciled with my friend
Marpeet, who introduced me to my brother-officers, and
put me generally in the way of doing all that was re-
quisite in the new scene in which I found myself.
The more I saw of Marpeet, the more the extreme
kindness and benevolence of his disposition became
apparent. The tenderness of his nature, indeed, was
frequently too much for his assumed rough and devil -me-
care manner (which he thought manly), and would
sometimes, if he was taken by surprise, show itself with
almost a woman's weakness.
Marpeet, as I have before stated, from invincible
shyness, or awkwardness with females, or dislike of the
restraint it imposed, had renounced the character of a
" ladies' man," and was evidently doomed to die an old
bachelor. Still, we must all have something to love and
be kind to, be it wife, child, friend, cat, dog, or parrot.
Affection, if it has not something external on which
to rest, turns to gall, embittering the life which, under a
happier state of things, it would have sweetened. Mar-
peet's benevolence displayed itself in his kindness to
youth : rearing griffins, till fully fledged, constituting
his extreme delight.
Never shall I forget the great satisfaction which his
good-humoured physiognomy would express when sur-
360 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
rounded by a bevy of young hands, all warm in their
feelings towards him, and on perfect terms of familiarity,
but at the same time exhibiting that profound deference
to his dictum on deep and important points, such as the
age of a horse, the manner of performing a manoeuvre,
or the way to make mulled port, and the like, which had
the most bland and soothing influence on his feelings.
Skylark, Wildfire, and myself, were his immediate
body-guard; we chummed with him, and though he
allowed us to contribute to the house keeping expenses,
the lion's share, if the phrase is here allowable, fell to him.
He and I never quarrelled ; but I could generally infer
the state of his feelings from the name or appellation by
which he addressed me. " Gernon " and " Frankibus "
were the zero and summer-heat of the scale, between
which were " my lad," " young gentleman," " you con-
founded griff," "youngster," and so forth ; all of which,
by the invariableness of the circumstances which elicited
them, indicated the state of his mind at the moment : as
"Come, my lad, this noise won't do;" and "Young
gentleman, I have to make out my report, and beg you
won't interrupt me." "Well, old boy, how do you get on ?
are you disposed for a game at picquet ? " and so forth ;
but, " Come, Gernon, I don't like that," told me his
back was " hogged."
One blot and inconsistency there was in Marpeet's
character: he was addicted to flogging his servants for
what we here should deem trifling offences. On these
occasions he always, however, put the offender through
the form of a trial, in which, to save trouble, he acted in
the quintuple capacity of plaintiff, judge, jury, witness,
and counsel for the prosecution. After a dispassionate
r-ummmg up, the guilty party was wont to be handed over
to the kulassee, or tent-pitcher, to have administered a
dozen or two of strokes with the rattan.
Marpeet would justify all this severity very logically,
but I shall not trouble the reader with his reasons ;
certain it is, for all this, he paid his servants regularly,
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 361
was in other respects kind, and on the whole very
popular with them.
Not far from the Chandney Choke, the principal
thoroughfare in Delhi, near which I was now located, is
the Duriba, or Lombard Street, where the principal
shroffs or bankers reside ; here also many venders of
sweetmeats have their shops ; one of these, in my day,
was a jolly fellow, who, out of compliment to his great
Western prototype, was called Mr. Birch, to which name
he always answered when summoned to produce some of
his choicest imitations of English " sugar-plumery."
I think I now see the good-natured fellow, hurrying
out through his ranges of baskets with a few samples for
inspection. Many a time and oft have Marpeet, I, and
two or three jolly subs, after dinner, and under the
agreeable stimulus of an extra dose of the rosy beverage,
visited Mr. Birch, in the Duriba, all clinging to the pad
of an elephant, whilst the lights blazed in the bazaars
around, fakeers shouted, women chattered, and crowds of
the faithful, moving hither and thither, gave a most
Arabian-Nightish character to the scene.
These scenes of the past come over me sometimes,
when my heart is sorrowfully disposed, with a sadly-
painful distinctness ; the laughing faces of those who
participated in them are vividly before me, but they, "my
co-mates and brothers in exile," where are they ? Alas !
with a sigh I must answer the question gone! gone!
Others occupy their places; they will soon disappear to
make way for more ; " and thus wags the world."
Oh, life, life ! sad are thy retrospects to the best of
us, and great are the trials thou hast for even him whose
lot is cast in the pleasantest places ; in thy sweetest
pleasures lurk the germs of thy greatest sufferings, and
the more we cultivate and refine our natures, the more
acutely do we feel thy sorrows !
Happy ignorance ! fortunate credulity ! blessed in-
sensibility ! ye all seem to have your soothing opiates ;
whilst he who girds up his loins to seek the talisman of
362 MEMOIES OF A GEIFFIN.
truth from amidst its innumerable counterfeits com-
pensation for the past and something like certainty for
the future finds the farther he moves the less he knows,
and, amazed and confounded at the profound and mighty
mystery which surrounds him, at length sits down and
weeps. Well may we exclain,
"The ways of Heaven are dark and intricate,
Puzzled in mazes and perplex'd in error,
The understanding traces them in vain."
Virtue, immortal plant, ye will hlossom, 'tis true, in
heaven, but must ye here be ever rooted in sorrow and
watered with tears ? Oh ! for some mighty intellect,
some second Newton, to call order out of chaos, light
out of darkness ; to hush the Babel of discordant
tongues, and give to religious and moral truth that clear,
convincing, and commanding aspect which shall for ever
abash the various forms of perplexity and error. The
awakening mind of the world demands something like
unity and certainty, and will have them if they are to be
had. But to proceed.
One of the finest buildings in Delhi is the Jumma
Musjid, the principal mosque of the place. It has three
nobly-proportioned domes ; also two lofty and magni-
ficent minarets, which I have often ascended, and en-
joyed from their summits a noble prospect of the city
and surrounding country.
From this height you look down on the flat roofs of
the houses, and on a fine evening may observe the in-
habitants seated on them, and enjoying their favourite,
though somewhat childish amusements, of flying paper
kites and pigeons.
The pigeons, of which the Hindoostanees are great
fanciers, and possess a vast variety, are trained to join
other flocks in their aerial excursions, and then, by
separating from them with great velocity, to carry off
some of those with which they were commingled ; these
they bring back in triumph to their bamboo stands, at
the call or whistle of their owners.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 363
At one extremity of the city lies the British residency,
always the scene of hospitable doings, hut particularly
so during the period to which I am referring. The
Resident at that time was a gentleman who, with first-
rate talents and solid virtues, comhined those social quali-
ties which at once command what it is often difficult to
unite the love and respect of all.
Nothing could be more agreeable than the residency
parties, and on what were called " public days," invitations
were extended to every one in the shape of an European ;
old Mahratta officers, Portuguese, French, and half-caste
merchants, and others without the pale of the regular
service, and not constituting an ordinary portion of the
society, would swell the levee on such occasions.
Punning, as a practice or habit, is the greatest of
bores, and deserves almost all that Johnson and others
have said against it; I say " almost," for I do not go the
full length of that alliterative curmudgeon, when he
says, " He who would make a pun would pick a pocket."
Had this been true, many an accomplished Barrington
would the residency of Delhi have turned out at this
period, with their distinguished chief at their head.
How this itch for punning got into the residency I
don't know, but certain it is it did get there, and proved
remarkably infectious. A good pun was a first-rate re-
commendation, indeed, at the residency table, to him
who made it. " Aquila non captat muscas ; " which
means, " Great wits don't condescend to make puns."
Granted, as a rule ; but every rule has its exception, and
the Resident of that day was himself, " an the truth be
spoken, but little better than one of the wicked," delight-
ing to take the lead occasionally in this conversation-
burking system, where a man lies in wait for his neigh-
bour's words, pounces on one that suits his purpose,
murders, mangles, and distorts it without remorse.
Occasional puns, if really good, give a poignancy to
conversation a tonquin-beanish sort of odour, which in
moderation is very agreeable, but the excess of them is
364 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
odious. I remember a few of the residency puns which
I think may rank with some of the fairest on re-
cord.
The Resident himself was once asked where he ac-
quired his taste for punning ; he replied, that " he thought
he must have picked it up when travelling through the
Punjaub," through which country he had accompanied a
mission. A fisherman, to whom he had paid handsome
wages to supply him with fish, absconded. "I always
considered him a very selfish man," said the Resident.
One of the gates of the palace is called the " Delhi
Gate," and in my time a subaltern's guard was always
stationed there. A young sub, on one occasion, at the
residency table, I believe, asked a friend to take his turn
of duty there. " Excuse me," said his friend, " I can't
be your delegate (Delhi Gate) to-day."
One observed that grain in one part of the city sold
for so much. "Yes," replied another, "but that is not
the aggregate (Agra Gate) price."
These samples may suffice.
I soon began to discover the truth of the adjutant's
remark, that Colonel Bobbery was fond of " working the
young hands ;" for, what with morning and evening
drills, parades, and attending guard-mountings, &c., I
had little rest or enjoyment. The plain fact was, that I
was bent on pleasure and hated duty, and the colonel,
by giving me " excess on't," i.e. of the latter, seemed
injudiciously determined to increase my dislike.
The more I think on my early Indian career, and that
of other youths, the more satisfied I am that the sudden
transition from school to a state of independence is most
injurious to the individual and his future happiness ;
detrimental to the interest of the state and that of the
people we govern ; and, in short, that school-boys are
not fit to be masters of themselves or to command others.
Nationally, we possess vast science and almost illimit-
able powers, of destruction ; and nationally, too, we are
respected; but not so much so, I think, individually.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 365
I have met with a great amount of calm, quiet, un-
prejudiced good sense, much reasonableness and ration-
ality, amongst the natives of India of a certain rank,
and, when such are disposed to give you their confidence,
nothing is more frequently the subject of remark with
them than the amount of power we confide to inexperi-
enced hands to mere chokras ("boys'), as they term
them, and at nothing do they express more surprise.
The natives of India are deeply susceptible of kind-
ness, and possessed, on the whole, of fine and amiable
temperaments. If Europeans on all occasions would re-
gard their feelings and prejudices, which they certainly
ought to do, considering how strong are their own, I
verily believe that they might bind them firmly to us,
that is, as far as aliens ever can be bound, and erect our
power on the noblest of foundations their hearts.
Still they must never be allowed to think that our kind-
ness springs from fear or weakness.
I am aware that the conduct of the English towards
the inhabitants of India is much more conciliating than
it was; still, John Bull is ever a rough subject, and
too prone to employ \\iQfortiter in re, rather than the
suaviter in modo. His pride prevents him from being
amiable and conciliating, and however much he may be
feared and respected, he has not the good luck to be
loved, from the Straits of Calais to the Great Wall of
China.
I doubt if, in the present day, such freaks would be
tolerated in a commandant as those in which our old
buffer was continually wont to indulge, in order to
gratify his odd and despotic feelings. Besides abusing
the men ifa the most violent manner (he had a regular
ascending scale a sort of gamut of Galle, i.e. Hindoo-
stanee Billingsgate on which few could go higher than
himself) till they trembled with rage and indignation,
he would, when out of humour, carry them straight
across the country, formed in line, in a steeple- chase
sort of style, over banks and ditches, through standing
366 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
corn and ploughed fields, for three or four miles, as the crow
flies, in a broiling sun, and then, galloping home, would
leave the next in command, or adjutant, to bring them
back, covered with dust and drenched with perspiration.
Once or twice he marched the corps in close column
into the river Jumna ; when they reached the banks
there shelving they commenced marking time, which
consists in moving the feet without advancing ; but the
old colonel, to their astonishment, roared " Forward ! "
and on we all went, till near waist-deep, when the
column fell into a state of disorder; the adjutant, on
one occasion, tumbled off his horse in the melee, and
got a thorough soaking. The commander thought, I
suppose, that, as good soldiers, we ought to be able to
stand " water " as well as " fire."
After I had been about a month at the station, I was
put in orders as the subaltern for duty on the Delhi gate
of the palace, a vast structure, occupied by the king and
his relations and dependants, which duty continued for
a week. Having marched my company down to the
gate, I found the sub I was to relieve, with his guard
drawn up, all as stiff as ramrods, to receive me. After
exchanging salutes, and receiving his instructions to
take proper care of the "Asylum of the Universe,"*
&c., he gave the word " quick march " to his men, sent
them off under the subadar, or native captain, and then
proceeded to introduce me to the quarters in which I
was to pass my period of guard.
In passing the first archway, I found myself in an
enclosure, formed by lofty walls, round the bottom of
which ran a line of arcades or cloisters ; at the other
end of this enclosure was another noble arch, surmounted
by a vast and lofty pile of buildings, with windows and
galleries ; these were the quarters of Major M., who
filled the post of killadar, or commander of the fort and
palace guards, a kind-hearted, hospitable, and brawny
Caledonian, who, amongst other harmless eccentricities,
* "Jehan Punnak," one of the titles of the Mogul.
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. . 367
entertained the most profound veneration for the " Eowyal
Hoose o Teemoor" as he was wont to call it.
My own quarters, to which the sub introduced me,
consisted of a small turret, in an angle of the ramparts,
covered with thatch, and having something the appear-
ance of a bee-hive ; it contained a table and a few chairs,
considerably the worse for wear, and when my cot was
placed in it, there was little room left for myself. Here,
then, for seven long days, I read, shot paroquets with my
pellet-bow on the ramparts, cursed the heat and the flies,
and conjugated the verb sennuyer to perfection, through
all its moods and tenses.
One interesting break occurred, and that was his
Majesty Ackbar Shah's going out one day, in grand
procession, to visit the tombs of his ancestors at the
Kootub Minar.
On this occasion my guard was drawn up within the
enclosure, to salute him as he passed, whilst another
company of troops, and two six-pounders, were stationed
without the second archway, on the plain between it and
the city, for a similar purpose.
Little did I think, in my juvenile days, when I looked
on the stern visage of the Great Mogul on the card
covers, that I should ever have the honour of paying
my respects to that fierce Saracen in proprid persona ;
but so it was. I had heard much of Eastern magnifi-
cence, but had never seen before, nor have I indeed since,
anything that so completely realized my vague ideas
of barbaric pomp, as this procession of the King of
Delhi.
Though there was much in it that was imperfect, and
which told of reduced means and insufficient resources,
it was still a most striking pageant, and, as it issued
tumultuously from those noble and resounding gateways,
amidst the clang of wild instruments and echoing voices,
I confess I was delighted and astonished, and was able
to picture most forcibly what these things must have
been when the Moguls were in the zenith of their power.
368 MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN.
We had waited for some time, expecting his majesty
to make his appearance ; when at length confused sounds
and a distant hubbub announced that he was on the
move ; presently, ever and anon, a cavalier, some omrah
of the old noblesse, or inferior horseman, would come
pricking forth from under the arch ; then another and
another; then steeds curveting and caracoling, and
covered with rich housings and silver ornaments. After
this came his majesty's regiment of Nujjeebs, hurrying
forth, a wild-looking body of bearded Mahomedan sol-
diery, armed with matchlocks and shields, and attired
in dark chupkuns, or vests, and red turbans ; next came
his camel corps, each man with a little pattereroe, or
swivel gun, on the bow of his camel's saddle, ramming
down and blazing away at a furious rate.
By the way, I was told that, on one of these occa-
sions, a fellow, in his hurry, shot off his camel's head.
After these followed a confused assemblage of chiefs
on horseback, a knightly train ; their steeds, half-painted
vermilion or saffron colour, adorned with silver chains,
and housings almost touching the ground, some of them
composed of the silvery chowries, or Tartarian cows'
tails ; mingled with these were litters, with dome-like
canopies and gilded culesses, containing ladies of the
harem, with numerous attendants.
The uproar now increased, and a numerous body of
men followed on foot, bearing crescents, green standards,
golden fish on poles, and other insignia of the royal
dignity ; all loudly shouting forth the now empty titles
of the fallen monarch. These, his immediate avant-
couriers, were followed by the king himself, seated on
an enormous elephant, covered with a superb jhool, or
housings, of crimson velvet; the huge tusks of the
monster being adorned with silver rings, whilst his head
was painted with crimson and yellow ochres, in bars and
flourishes, like the face of a North American savage,
when arrayed for battle.
The king, Ackbar Shah the Second, an aged and ven-
MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN. 869
erable man, adorned with jewels and aigrettes in his
turban, sat immovable in a silver howdah, looking
straight before him, neither to the right nor left, up nor
down (for it is considered beneath the dignity of the
" Son of the Sun and Moon " to notice sublunary
matters), whilst his youngest and favourite son Mirza
Selim, a youthful and handsome man, sat behind him,
slowly waving over his head a chowry, or fan, formed of
the tail of the peacock. His majesty's elephant was fol-
lowed by many others, more or less superbly decorated,
bearing his relations, and the various officers and de-
pendants of the court.
The assemblage of these vast animals, the litters,
horsemen, and multitudinous array, combined with the
Moresque buildings around, so admirably in keeping,
altogether constituted to my mind a perfect scene of
romance, which it took me two sides of foolscap pro-
perly to describe for the gratification of my friends at
home.
I pictured to myself, I remember, as I wrote that
account, the delight it would cause when read by my
mother to the fireside circle in the little green parlour,
whilst old Thomas, our lame footman, lingered, with
the kettle in his hand, to catch some of Master Frank's
account of the '* Great Mowgul in the Heast Hingies."
Well, time wore on ; some months had elapsed, dur-
ing which nothing very particular had occurred, except-
ing that I received a letter from the charming widow,
announcing that my kind friend, the old general, had at
last gone to his long home.
It was an admirable epistle, written with all that
proper feeling which such an event would naturally call
forth in the breast of an accomplished woman and
affectionate daughter. It breathed a spirit of resigna-
tion, and contained many beautiful, though not very
new, reflections touching the frail tenure of existence,
and of that inevitable termination of it which is alike
the lot of us all. *
B B
370 MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN.
The general, she said, had not forgotten me in his
parting moments, but sent me his blessing, with a hope
that I would not forget his advice, and would strive to
emulate my uncle, who seemed, indeed, to have been
his model of a cavalier.
In conclusion, she stated that she was about to join
some relations who were coming to the Upper Provinces,
and hoped she might have an opportunity shortly of re-
newing my acquaintance, and of assuring me in person
that she was "mine very truly."
Yes, mine very truly! I saw I was booked for the
widow, and began to put more faith than ever in the
Chinese doctrine of invisible attraction. " Let me see,"
said I " the widow is two- and- twenty, I eighteen ;
when I'm two-and- twenty, she will be six- and- twenty."
Oh, 'twill do admirably ! what matters a little disparity ? "
So I whistled Lillabulero, after the manner of my uncle
Toby, concluding affettuoso
And around the dear ruin each w:sh of my heart
Shall entwine itself verdantly still.
" Captain Marpeet," said I, one day, after breakfast,
" I shall to-morrow have been just one year in the coun-
try, and according to the Lex Griffiniensis I shall be no
longer a greenhorn."
" Have you, my boy ? Why bless my life ! so you
have, I declare ; then by the piper that played before
Moses, I'll have a few friends to meet you, and we'll make
a day of it. You've never seen a nautch, I believe ; we'll
have Chumbailie and Goolabie* and all that set a
devilled turkey, and a glorious blow-out."
Marpeet was as good as his word ; he posted off chits
(invitations) to a dozen choice spirits; ordered a fat
sheep to be killed, which had been six months on gram ;
bought the best ham to be had in cantonments, and a
turkey for its vis-a-vis ; ordered half a chest of claret,
* Jasmin and Rose-water ; female names.
MEMOIKS OF A GRIFFIN. 371
and beer to be tundakurred (cooled) ; sent his bearer
to bespeak a tip-top set of nautcb- girls, and then, slap-
ping me on the back, exclaimed,
" Now, Frank, my boy, we are all right and tight,
and your griffinage shall close with a flourish of trum-
pets/'
On the following day the guests assembled at dinner,
and the old mosque resounded with the echoes of our
revelry and mirth. Marpeet certainly boxed the kansa-
mah * for omitting the pigeon-pie, and ordered the cook
half-a-dozen rattans for underboiling the ham ; but, on
the whole, he was in splendid key.
Evening at length approached ; more young officers
came in ; the wall shades were lighted, and chairs ar-
ranged in a semicircle ; teapoys, port, mint, claret, were
all moojood (present), when the curtain was rolled up,
and a bevy of as pretty gazelle-eyed damsels, arrayed in
robes of sky-blue, crimson and gold, bedecked with rings
and chains, and redolent of oil of Chumbailie, as I ever
saw, entered the apartment in stately guise, followed by
sundry old duennas, and four or five rakish looking
musicians, with embroidered skull-caps, long raven ring-
lets, and slender ungirdled waists, bearing some of the
funniest looking musical instruments ever seen since the
days of Orpheus.
After some excruciating tuning, thrumming, and twist-
ing of keys, a couple of young sirens, fair Mogulanees,
whose languishing eyes shone brightly through their
antimonial borders, broke forth into a song, advancing
with hands extended and slow movements of the feet,
their anklet-bells jingling harmoniously the " goongroo
ka aivaz" by the way, a music on which the Indian
poet loves to expatiate. As the song and the movement
quickened, the heads of the fiddlers worked ecstatically,
whilst they sawed away at their outlandish fiddles with
surprising energy and vigour.
Marpeet was in raptures ; he considered nautches su-
* Butler.
372 MEMOIRS OF A GRIFFIN.
perior to all the operas in the universe, and thought he
could hardly ever have enough of them.
The " Cahar ca nautch" or " dance of the bearer," a
favourite in India, was now called for loudly, and the
prettiest girl of the set, retiring a little on one side, and
twisting a turban saucily round her head, after the fashion
of that order of menial, and otherwise arranging her
attire into a somewhat similar resemblance to the other
parts of their dress, darted forward arms a-kimbo, a la
Vestris, and danced an animated lilt, something of the
nature of a Highland fling.
Eapturous were the "bravos " of the officers, and the
"waul waus!" of the natives. The girl's excitement
increased with the applause ; the fiddlers worked like
heroes, whilst the doog-doogie man, or drummer,
pegged away at his long drum, till, flushed and ex-
hausted, she made her salaam, and retired within the circle
amidst renewed plaudits.
This was followed by " Mootrib-i koosh," " songster
sweet," and other Persian and Hindostanee airs, not
forgetting " Sarrai teen pisa muchlee" i.e., " three ha'-
porth of fish," by way of finale* till at length the danc-
ing grew languid; the hookas bubbled faintly, and Mar-
peet, starting up, dismissed the dancers, and we all
adjourned to do honour to the devilled turkey's legs
and a saucepan of mulled port, of Marpeet's own brew-
ing.
Enlivened by the change, the song and the toast
went round, and Marpeet, who was half-seas-over, sung
us,
"Dear Tom, this brown jug, which now foams with mild ale,"
in his very best style ; and, by particular request I war-
bled " The Woodpecker."
" Franco, your health and song, my boy," said my
friend, rising on his legs ; " and now, gentlemen (hiccup},
I am about to propose the toast of the evening, and one
which, I am sure, you'll all diink with as much pleasure
MEMOIES OF A GRIFFIN. 373
(hiccup] as I have in giving it : gentlemen, off with
your heel-taps ; are you all charged ? Wildfire, pass
the bottle. Gentlemen, I am now about to propose the
health of a young friend of mine, whom I consider in
some respects a chick of my own rearing. We came out
together, and I take credit for having made him the good
fellow you all find him (hiccup). This is the last day
of his griffinage, and to-morrow he is one of us old hands.
Gentlemen, I give you, standing, with three times three,
long life, health, and success to our friend, Frank Gernon,
the griffin. Hip ! hip ! hurrah ! "
Woodfall and Kinder, Printers, Milford Lane, Strand, London, W.C.
WM. H. ALLEN & Co.,
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