I % 9wmi& i i I *. . lOS-AMCElfx RIDE and VANITY are often confounded with -* each other, and in common fpeech are ufed as fynonymous to exprefs the fame thing. But, though they are fomewhat fimilar, and may perhaps be fome- times found in the fame perfon, yet there is an obvious diftindlion between them. Vanity is only too much pleafed with itfelf ; pride is always joined with a contempt of others. The proud man values himfelf on advantages, which, in fome meafure, he really pofiefles : the vain man flatters him- felf (and wifhes to be flattered by other people) for perfections which exift folely in his own imagination. The former, confcious perhaps of his rank, his for- tune, or fome (hare of underftanding, a'fiiimes ftate, and looks down with contempt on thofe whom he confiders as his inferiors in thofe particulars : the latter, reflecting E with [ 5 3 with felf-applaufe on his imaginary perfections, is pleafed with thofe who confirm him in the delufion, and re- ceives with perfect good-humour and complacency the leaft grain of incenfe which is offered, him. CELSUS is the proudeft, and his brother LEPIDUS the vaineft, man I know. Celfus, by a fcately and im- portant air, keeps you at a diftance; Lepidus, by his complaifant, pleafant, and familiar manner, levels all diftinction. Celfus is indifferent to the cenfure or praife of thofe whom he defpifes; Lepidus folicits the admi- ration and applaufe of every one with whom he con- verfes. The one receives a compliment as his due ; the other is thankful for it, as a favour or an alms. Celfus, however, though he impofes on thofe who have lefs fenfe than himfelf, is defpifed by thofe who have more; Lepidus, though a child may penetrate into his foible, is rather pitied than defpifed. The for- mer, by afluming too much, fometimes forfeits that refpecl: which is his conflant aim,, The latter, though his vanity cannot entitle him to refpect, is generally beloved for his condefcenfion. In the fofter fex, indeed, vanity is often attended with more fatal effects than pride; as their vanity ex- pofes them to the mares of feducers, while a degree of pride C 5' 1 pride often preferves their virtue; yet each of thefe foi- bles, if not guarded by better principles, often expofes them to ridicule and contempt. In fhort, the proud man is an odious being: the vain man rather an entertaining animal. The one in- fults, the other diverts the company. The vain man mould be rallied for his folly, and laughed out of his abfurdity : the proud man fhould be treated with left ceremony, and, if he had his defert, mould be drubbed into better manners. The fpe&ators, at leaff, would exult to fee a man, who afTumes fuch airs of fuperiority over his equals, treated, by fome blunt fellow, with the utmofi freedom, and reduced to a level with thofe whom he affe&s to defpife. C 5* ] INTEMPERANCE. 1 HE firft phyficians by debauch were made; " Excefs began, and floth fuftains the trade :" Thus fings Dryden, and the good fenfe contained in thefe well-known lines may atone for the abfurdity of the following: " The wife for cure on Exerdfe depend, " God never made his work for man to mend" EXCESS is undoubtedly the caufe of almoft all our complaints ; but exercife, when we are ill, would, in many cafes, aggravate inftead of curing them; and though a phyfician could not improve the work of the Creator (for there the fallacy lies) he furely might mend or repair it when out of order. A country carpenter could not improve or finifh a coach ; but if a wheel, or even the axle-tree, were broke, he might certainly mend or repair it. But, C 53 ] But, though " I honour a phyfician with the honour due to his art," which is always ufeful in acute, and fometimes in chronical cafes ; yet I confider temperance as the fovereign prefervative of health, fuperior to the moft boafted medicines, and which renders even exercife itfelf in fame meafure needlefs. As excefs is the caufe of a great part of our difeafes, fo there are few which temperance will not prevent, or by degrees remove. Repletion overloads and opprefles nature: abftinence relieves her from that oppreffion, and reftores their tone or elafticity to the diftended veffels, and often ftifles a fever in its birth. We complain of unhealthy fituations, unfettled wea- ther, hereditary gouts, delicate conftitutions, and the like: and there is fometimes perhaps foundation for thefe complaints ; but in general, we might morejuftly complain of, and (like Montaigne's friend) " curfe the Bologna faufages, dried hams and tongues," and other high-feafoned food, in which we have too freely in- dulged : for temperance, I will venture to fay, would fecure us from the influence of thofe accidental or local circumftances ; and even infectious diftempers would generally lofe their force, where the blood was not pre- vioufly difpofed to inflammation or putrefaction, as was the cafe with Socrates, during the plague of E 3 Athens, [ 54 ] Athens, and as Mr. Howard repeatedly for many years experienced.* And as temperance would fecure mankind from a great part of thofe difeafes, which are faid to be natu- rally incident to mortality: how fatal are the effects of its contrary, intemperance ! What numbers of wor- thy and ufeful members of fociety, in every profeflion, daily fall a facrince to this deftructive evil ! How often is genius, improved by the labour of years, blafted, in the meridian of life, by the baneful effects of luxury and intemperance. Where are many of my friends and contemporaries in the Univerfity, whofe conftitutions feemed calculated for a century's duration? Where are my friends W , Sh , B , and others; the companions of my youthful ftudies and amufements ? Alas ! long fince vanimed, the victims of comparative intemperance : for though they were apparently fober and regular, as well as ftudious young men; yet temperance muft be confidered in a relative fenfe, and proportioned to our constitution, our way of life, more active or more fedentary, and to the exercife we have it in our power to ufe. In * See Dr. Aikin's Life of Howard. C 55 ] In the ftreets of Bath, the general refort of the infirm, and rendezvous of the medical tribe, (for where the carcafe is, there will the ravens aflemble) when I fee an hundred fturdy chairmen groaning under the loads of bloated invalids; or, in the Pump-room, compare the miferable, gouty, paralytick, and emaciated figures, with the youthful, blooming beauties, who have not yet in- jured by indulgence, or disfigured by cofmeticks, the mafter-piece of the creation, I involuntarily exclaim, " Ye Gods ! What havock does Intemperance make " among your works!" Young Cyrus, accuftomed to the fimple diet of the Perfians, was difgufted at the Court of Ecbatane, to fee his grandfather Aftyages, under a neceflity of wiping his fingers, after every morfel that he put to his mouth. What would the young prince have faid to the inde- licacy of a modern epicure, who indifcriminately de- vours fifh and flefh; high foup and fauce; with oil, vinegar, and muftard ; foy and cayenne-pepper, and all the diabolical ingredients in French or Englifh cookery ? How can fuch difcordant materials produce that fimple balfamick fluid, fo neceflary to recruit and preferve the health and ftrength of the human body ? It is from thefe refinements of luxury, that we fee thofe crowds of patients, whofe complaints have baffled the C 56 ] the fldll of their phyficians reforting to Bath, and other fulphureous and mineral fprings:* " Condemn'd to water for exceft in wine." EuPHROS. VOl. I. Thefe reflections were fuggefted on furveying lately a group of thefe cripples in the Pump-room ; when I was recognized by a little active old man, who, forty years fince, had been a member of a club with me, at a tavern near the Temple, and was then fuppofed to be in a rapid decline; but, by a ftricl: regimen, had fur- vived all our jolly bottle-companions, who at that time ridiculed him as a miferable milkfop. By his temper- ance and fobriety, he had improved and preferved to his feventieth year, a crazy carcafs ; while the others, by their luxury and intemperance, had ruined their robuft conftitutions ; and had long fince gone where the fen- fual appetites, it is to be feared, will have no objects for their gratification. * " Ubicunque fcatent aquarum calentium venae, ibi nova 1 diverforia luxuriae excitantur." SEN. Epift. 89. C 57 3 GRADUAL APPROACH OF OLD AGE. EHEU FUGACES LABUNTUR ANNI." HOB r I A HERE is nothing which we more reluctantly be- * lieve, or of which we are more mortified to be reminded, than that " we are growing old." We look daily in the glafs perhaps, to adjuft our perriwigs, or fmooth our cravats; but feldom attend to the filent progrefs of our years, and the alterations which the hand of time is gradually making in our perfons. We advance from youth to manhood, and from manhood decline into the vale of years, to old age and decrepitude; but by fuch imperceptible degrees, that it almoft efcapes our notice. Hence we behold feptuagenarian beaux and beauties of the laft age inattentive to the depredations of time, and, with more than youthful levity, infefting the reforts of youth and beauty, admiring or courting admiration: [ 53 ] admiration : the gentleman gallanting, the lady coquet- ting; infenfible of the contemptuous fmiles, and far- caftick fneers, which their prefence calls forth from every countenance. But, if we could fpare one hour of retirement amidft thefe fcenes of diflipation, it muft occur, one would hope, to the moft thoughtlefs beings, how much more refpectable a charafter they would fupport, by confining themfelves to the domefh'ck circles of their friends and neighbours, than by haunting thefe frivolous, though gay, aflemblies ; and, like troubled ghofts, " making night hideous" by their ominous countenances and portentous appearance. Yet I would not wifh to lock up in a mufeum thefe venerable figures, like antique marbles or Egyptian mummies : no, let them, occaiionally, frequent a coffee - houfe, or the daily tea-tables of their neighbours and acquaintance; or even go, once in a feafon, to a ball or aflembly, to fee their grandchildren dance, and to vent their fpleen on the progrefs of luxury, and the ab- furdity of modern famions, fo unlike the glorious times when they were young: but let their own parlours be their chief rendence; and the fociety of their friends, their confolation and amufement: let them inftruct their younger acquaintance with the remarks, and en- 9 tertain C 59 J tertain them with the anecdotes, with which a long intercourfe with the world muft have furnifhed them; and thefe young people, in return, will reverence their age ; and, inftead of ridiculing, bear with and pity their infirmities ; and, by a reciprocal communication of the recent occurrences of the prefent day, furnim an inno- cent amufement, and make their time glide infenfibly away in indolence, chearfulnefs, and ferenity. " You've eat and drunk, and fported now too long; " Tis time to go, and quit the giddy throng; " Left youth forget the reverence due to age, " And ridicule, and thruft you off the flage." HOR. Ep. (anonym.) Seneca, in his twelfth epiftle, treats this fubjecl with fome humour: " Wherever I turn my eyes, I behold evident proofs of my old age. I went lately to my Villa, a few miles from town;* and on looking over my fteward's accounts, I complained of the expence of his repairs. My fteward laid, it was not owing to any neglecl: of his; that he had done every thing in his power; * but^ fays he, the houfe is got OLD.' Now this villa was ereded * " Ad quartum lapidem." The Villa where he died in the bath. TACIT, b. 15. C 60 ] erefted under my own infpeclion. What then will become of me, if the very flones, my contemporaries, are going to decay ? " Being out of humour with him, however, I feized another occafion of venting my fpleen againft my fer- vant. Thefe plane-trees, faid I, have certainly been greatly neglected. The leaves are all falling off; tl\p branches grown knotty and parched up ; the very trunks rough and fqualid with mofs. This could not have happened, if they had been dug round and watered. The poor man, piqued at my fufpicions, fwore upon his foul,* that he had given all poffible attention to them ; but that the trees were grown old. Now, to tell you a fecret, 1 myfelf planted thofe very trees; I myfelf be- held the firft leaves they produced. tc Turning towards the gate; c who is that decrepid old fellow there?' faid I: though you have done right to place him at the door, for he feems juft ready to be carried to his funeral.f But where did you get this carcafe ? What have we to do with conveying other people's flaves to their burial ? Ah! * Per genium meum. f Alluding to their cuftom of placing dead bodies in the eitibule. " Ah ! fir, fays the porter, don't you know me ? I am your Fekcio : to whom you ufed to fend toys for fairings at the Saturnalian* holidays ; I am the fon of your old ftevvard Philofitus, your little favourite." " Why, fure the fellow's out of his fenfes, faid I. He fancies himfdf a child : my little favourite, forfooth ! Indeed, it may be fo ; for, I fee, he is fhedding his teeth, f " Well; this at leaft I owe to my country-houfe; that wherever I turn myfelf, when I go thither, I am prefented with memorials of my old age. Let me then embrace and bid it welcome. Old age, if we know how to make a proper ufe of it, abounds in pleafures : or this at leaft, fupplies the place of pleafures, that we do not want them. " What an agreeable ftate of life is this! To have fubdued our paiHons ; and got entirely rid of our im- portunate lufts and defires!" * Like our ChriftmaS. From old age. as children do in their infancy. C 62 ] SINGULARITY OF MANNERS. HPHERE are few people of fuch mortified preten- -*- fions, as patiently to acquiefce under the total neglect of mankind : nay, fo ambitious are moft men of diftin&ion, that they chufe to be taken notice of, even for their abfurdities, rather than to be entirely overlooked, and loft in obfcurity; and, if they defpair of exciting the attention of the world, by any brilliant or ufeful accomplimment, they will endeavour to gain it by fome ridiculous peculiarity in their drefs, their equipage, or accoutrements. Many perfons may remember a little foreigner, (Des Cafeaux, I think, was his name) who appeared daily in the Mall, drelTed in black, with an hat of an enormous diameter, and a long roll of paper in his hand. His piclurefque appearance tempted fome artifts, to make an etching of him, which was exhibited in every mop. I mention this gentleman, becaufe his profefled inten- tion was, he faid, " to attradl the notice of the king, as he had done that of his fubjeds." But [ 63 ] But we fee daily inftances of the fame kind. One man fports a paradoxical walldng-fiick ; another rifes to fame by the Ihortnefs of his coat, or the length of his trowfers, or the multiplicity of capes on his fhoul- ders, and the like efforts of genius and invention. I remember a young divine, fome years fince, not other- wife eminent either for learning or ingenuity, who wore his own fhort hair, when every one elfe wore long wigs, " is imitation, as he faid, of Gregory Nazianzen." It would be cruel, to deprive thefe gentlemen of their flender gratification in thefe harmlefs particulars ; but when we affume any thing peculiar in our appearance, in order to difguife our real character ; when we affect an uncommon fan6lity and folemnity of countenance to impofe upon the world ; we then become more than ridiculous, and are highly immoral. A Tartuffe indeed, or a pretender to extraordinary devotion, is not a prevailing character in this age: too many are in the contrary extreme; and, like Colonel Chartres, are guilty of every human vice except hypocrify. Even our Young Divines, though doubt - lefs much given to farting and prayer in private, yet " appear not to men to faft;" but anoint their hair, and exhibit their rofy faces ; and, by their drefs, are not to be diftinguiihed from prophane fportftnen or country 'fquires. [ 64 ] 'fquires. I do not exempt the orators of the taberna- cle from this defcription ; who, inftead of the primitive locks of John Wefley, feem now to make female con- verts by their well-dreiTed hair, and dapper appearance. Yet, in every profeffion, there are ftill pretenders; who, by grimace or affected folemnity, endeavour to gain the confidence of the vulgar ; and to exalt them- felves above their equals in fkill, and alTume more im- portance than is their due. However, if we muft diftinguifh ourfelves from the reft of mankind, let it be by our intrinfick virtue, our temperance and fobriety, and a confcientious regard to every relative duty ; but, as we ought " to think with the wife, and talk with the vulgar," let us alfo a<5t dif- ferently from a great part of the world in matters of importance, but conform to them in trifles. This is what Seneca fo forcibly inculcates in his fifth Epiftle to his friend Lucilius. " I both approve of your conduft, and fincerely re- joice that you refolutely exert yourfelf ; and, laying afide every other purfuit, make it your whole ftudy to im- prove yourfelf in wifdom and virtue. And I not only exhort, but earneftly intreat you to perfevere in this courfe." Give U 6 5 ] " Give me leave, however, to caution you not to imitate thofe pretended philofophers, who are more feli- citous to attract the notice of the world, than to make a progrefs in wifdom; nor to affedt any thing fmgular in your drefs, or in your manner of life. Avoid that prepofterous ambition of gaining applaufe, by your uncouth appearance, your hair uncombed, and your beard negle&ed ; nor be always declaiming againft the ufe of plate, of foft beds, or any thing of that kind. The very name of a philofopher is fufficiently invidi- ous, though managed with the greateft modefty and difcretion. " Suppofe we have entered upon our Stoical plan, and begun to fequefter ourfelves from the converfation and cuftoms of the vulgar} let every thing within be diffi- milar; but let our outward appearance be conformable to the reft of the world. Let not our apparel be fplen- did or fhewy, nor yet mean or fordid. Let not our plate be embofled with gold; but let us not imagine, that the mere want of fuch expenfive plate is a fuffi- cient proof of our frugality. Let us endeavour to live a better life, not merely a life contrary to that of the vulgar ; otherwife, inftead of conciliating the favour of thofe whom we wifh to reform, we lhall excite their averfion, and drive them from our company; we (hall alfo deter them from imitating us in any thing, when F they C 66 ] they are afraid that they are to imitate us in every tiling. " The firft advantages which philofophy promifes are, a juft fenfe of the common rights of mankind, huma- nity, and a fociable difpofition ; from which advantages, fmgularity and diflimilar manners will entirely feclude us. Let us beware, left thofe peculiarities by which we hope to excite the admiration, mould expofe us to the ridicule and averfion, of mankind! " Our object is to live according to nature; but to torture our bodies, to abhor cleanlinefs in our perfons, when attended with no trouble, or to affect a cynical filthinefs in our food; this fure is living contrary to nature. As it is a mark of luxury to hunt after deli- cacies, to reject the common unexpenfive comforts of life is a degree of madnefs. Our Stoic philofophy re- quires us to be frugal, not to mortify ourfelves; but there is fuch a thing as an elegant frugality. This moderation is what I would recommend." E 67 ] AURORA; OR, THE APPARITION. HAVING lately had a very fober party, to cards and fupper, at my country-houfe, I got early to bed, before one o'clock : I flept foundly for fome hours ; .but when I awoke, to my aftonifhtnent, I beheld a female figure, modeftly clad in a light robe, with a mild, ferene countenance; who, moving from towards the window, came and ftood at the feet of my bed. I was going to fpeak, and exprefs my furprife, when fhe prevented me, and thus began : " Do not be alarmed, fir : though I am now a ftran- ger to you, as you have not feen me fince you were a fchool-boy ; yet I was well known to your good father and mother, with whom I was upon the moft intimate footing. I breakfafted with them every day in the week, and fometimes dined with them ; and was a pe- culiar favourite with your excellent mother. I now F 2 come [ 68 3 come daily into your village, and am well known to the farmers and poor people, to whom I am a true friend ; and they always rejoice to fee me, as I put them in a way to get their livelihood, and by a whole- fome elixir, with which I fupply them gratis, and by my confolatory and cheerful converfation, keep them in health and fpirits. Nay, the very birds of the air feem to know me, and exprefs their joy at my approach." Aftonifhment kept me filent, and me proceeded in her harangue : " I mould have introduced myfelf to you, (however unwelcome) out of regard to your father and mother; but am jiow excluded, I find, by the exprefs orders of your near friend, this pretended widow, in her fable weeds forfooth, (Mrs. HecatifTa Midnight, I think they call her) to whom you are of late fo unaccountably at- tached ; and who, it feems, has a particular diflike to me, as me flips away whenever I happen to appear, being confcious that I outfhine and eclipfe her; and knows alfo that I was a friend to your family, and muft be concerned to fee her encourage you in revelling, gaming, and every thing that is bad. And indeed, fir, if you do not difengage yourfelf from her inchantments, fhe will be the ruin of your health, your fortune, and your reputation. All decent people are aftonifhed at your infatuation, (for I will fpeak my mind, now I have [ 69 ] have got admittance) fince, in fpite of her filver crefcent, which (he wears, I fuppofe, as an emblem of her chaf- tity, it is well known me has been kept by half the mem- bers of the Houfe of Commons and of the gambling clubs, nay, has walked the ftreets and been proftituted to hackney-coachmen, pickpockets, and ftreet-robbers. And here you have brought her into the country, to feduce your fober neighbours, who formerly paid me great attention : but now there is not a gentleman in the parifh, except the vicar, who (hews me the leaft regard, and I only fee him once or twice a week, as he rides out with the 'fquire's huntfman; for as to the fquire him- felf, whom I ufed frequently to vifit, and who was al- ways glad to fee me, he now follows your example, and curfes me if ever I am feen at his door/' I was here again beginning to make apologies ; and to pacify her, made her a compliment on her beauty; but me proceeded : " I am not come to court you, fir; yet, as I can never get fight of you, and have nobody to fpeak in my favour, indignation forces me to violate the rules of de- corum, and to fay, that I think myfelf much fuperior in beauty, fprightlinefs, and every virtuous quality, to this harridan, whom you are fo fond of; and have had more compliments paid me (even by the belt poets of F 3 the [ 70 ] the age) without any other ornaments than a few wild flowers, than (he ever had in her jewels and fpangles, which glitter about her autumnal countenance, and which (by the way) (he has only borrowed (if not pil- fered) from an illuftrious friend of mine;* which, however, (he never appears in but clandeftinely, being afhamed to wear them in his prefence or in mine. " In fliort, fir, if I could once detach you from this Ethiopian queen, (as Dr. Young calls her by way of meer) I have the vanity to think that my charms, fuch as they are, would make a proper imprefllon on your heart, and you would be unwilling to pafs a {ingle day without feeing me; and I will venture to fay, you would receive more pleafure, as well as improvement, from the company to which I could introduce you, than from your prefent connexion. I am a particular acquaintance and friend of thofe celebrated and accom- plifhed young ladies whom you ufed to talk of when you came from fchool, called, as an honourable diftinc- tion, " The Nine Sifters ;"f who, though no great fortunes, are as much courted and carefled as any young women in the kingdom, of their humble rank ana 1 retired way of life. I muft * The fun. f Aurora Mufis Arnica. C 7' ] " I muft confefs, indeed, that I am much lefs in vogue amongft people in high life than I was formerly ; and arri feldom feen at the court end of the town, ex- cept by the Marchionefs of B , the Countefs of C , Mrs. M , and a few more ladies of fuperior fenfe, and of a literary turn. Nay, I am forry to fay that of late I meet with but little refpedt even in the city, except by fome of the loweft and mod induftrious of the inhabi- tants j fo that I now fpend moft of my time amongft the honeft laborious peafants in the country ; who, I hope, for their own fake as well as that of the com- munity, will continue to regard me." I liftened with attention to her difcourfe ; and, not- withftanding the few fallies of refentment, which only added fpirit to her features, I was charmed with the cha- racter of native fweetnefs which appeared in her coun- tenance; and having now recollected fomething of her perfon, I faid, with fome confufion, " that I was forry I had fo long been deprived of her vifits, and mould be happy to renew my acquaintance ; and added, that I now remembered having often feen her in my youth, and that my mother ufed to call her 4 her dear Aurora ;' but having unhappily got acquainted with the widow HecathTa in town, I owned (he had engrofled too much of my time and attention ; that for the future, how- ever, I hoped to fee her often, and would take effe&ual care [ 7* ] care to have her admitted, whenever fhe would con- defcend to honour me with her vifits." I was going on, when a glow of fplendour, like the rifing of the fun, (hone around her, and flafhed in my face; and (he vanifhed from my fight. I drew my curtains more clofely round me ; turned from the window; went to deep again till noon and have not feen the fair Aurora fmce. [ 73 ] THE GRAND PROCESSION! CEDENT ARMA RETURNING lately from a tour to the Lakes in Cumberland, I flept at a great manufacturing town in the North; and the next morning, having viewed every thing which was thought curious in the place, I ordered my horfes to proceed on my journey; when my landlord afked me, if I would not ftay to fee the proceffion ? What proceffion, faid I ? Why, fir, there has lately been eftablifhed here a fociety, called the true and refpefiable Taylors \ and to-day they have their firft grand feaft, and walk in proceflion to hear a fermon at the great church." * What is the intention, of this fociety ?' faid I to my hoft ? " Why, fir, partly to raife a fund for the fupport of their decayed bre- thren of the thimble; and partly to refcue their pro- feffion from the contejtnpt and ridicule, which is fo often, C 74 ] often, and fo unjuftly, levelled at fo ufeful a branch of the community. As I fuppofed this to be an humble imitation of the Society of Free-Mafons, of which I have the honour to be an unworthy member, 1 thought there might be fomething humorous in fuch a cavalcade, and accord- ingly Hayed to fee it. At the head of the proceffion there walked a very young divine in his canonicals; whom, I found, they had chcfen in preference to the re^or, becaufe his name was Taylor. On his left hand walked the prefident, a portly figure! drefled more like a general officer than a mafter-taylor ; having an immenfe hat on, cocked with an air of terror and defiance ; his coat, with old- fafhioned ftiffened fldrts and large ileeves, lined with crimfon filk, and adorned with gold buttons. After them walked the whole fraternity; but intermixed, as I was told, with fome few woollen- drapers, as between them and the taylors there is generally fuppofed to be a fympathetick connexion, or fellow-feeling. In the midft of the cavalcade walked the ftandard-bearer, with the flag painted with the arms of the merchant-taylors j namely, a tent between two mantles, lined with ermine; a lion in chief, to mew that even a taylor can be valiant on occafion; but a lamb for their creft, to denote the general C 75 ] general raeeknefs and pacifick charafter of their pro- feffion. The camels for their fupporters, probably allude to the materials formerly made ufe of for but- tons, called mohair, which is chiefly the hair of the camel. When we came to the church, the young curate had felecled pfalms and lefTons proper for the occafion, and had taken his text from St. Paul's epiftle to the Ro- mans : " A remnant mall be faved." As this was the firfl fermon preached before the Company, it was chiefly hiftoricalj but I was forry to hear the preacher, before a fociety founded on brotherly love and charity, begin with farcaftical reflections on our much more re- fpe&able fociety of " free and accepted Mafons." He faid, there was a certain ufcftart, pragmatical fet of peo- ple, called Free- Mafons, who pretended to claim the precedence, in point of antiquity, to the refpe&able body of Taylors ; but if any of them could read, (faid the pedantick prig) let them look into the very begin- ning of their bible, and they will find that Adam made ufe of a needle for fewing many ages before we hear any thing of trowels or building. And as for their Temple of Solomon, which they fo profanely introduce on all occafions ; have they never heard how many years the Jews worfhipped in tents or tabernacles, before the Temple of Solomon had any exigence ? He proceeded to [ 76 ] to lug in St. Paul, as an ornament to their fociety, becaufe he was a tent-maker; though he might as well have introduced Saint Crifpin as a taylor, becaufe he was faid to have been a (hoe-maker. In fhort ; I was fo much difgufted with the young man's pertnefs, that I was flipping towards the door to make my efcape, when a fort of tipftaff came up, and whifpered to me, that the prefident, feeing I was a ftranger, defired I would honour them with my com- pany at dinner. I was pleafed with the compliment, fat out the fermon, and accordingly attended them at the entertainment, which was provided for them at an hotel. The firft courfe was fumptuous, though rather fub- ftantial than elegant : there was fifh and fowl of many forts ; a fine Yorkshire ham, and a rump of beef; and between every two dimes, cabbages or cucumbers, drefled in different manners, boiled, ftewed, pickled or preferved; and, in the middle of the table, an immenfe red cabbage of a beautiful appearance, near to which the flag and other enfigns were placed. The fecond courfe, amongft other things, confifted of a dozen of fmall-birds at the top, drefled with their feathers on the head and wings, which Ihewed them to be C 77 ] be goldfinches, called in that country " proud taylors-" at the bottom, and on each fide, were a green-goofc and green-peafe, which pun I was not forry to fee re- peated, as it is a difh I am particularly fond of. As I was feated near the chaplain, I took an oppor- tunity after dinner of expoftulating with him, in a jocu- lar manner,on the feverity with which he had treated the Free-Mafons. " Why, (faid the doctor) I have no objection to any focial meetings, which are conducted with fobriety and decency, efpecially fuch as have fo good an object in view as* the prefent has; but I am provoked to have a ferious affair and a myftery made of what every one knows to be a mere farce, as Free- Mafonry is." [I found he himfelf knew nothing of the matter.] I then afked him, if he had feen a very ingenious treatife, lately published, on free-mafonry ! ** Yes, replied he; and the author had better have called it a treatife on rope-dancing; which, as Dr. Johnfon humoroufly proved, comprehends all the cardinal vir- tues, (Prudence, juftice, temperance, and fortitude:) for the treatife you mention is only an ingenious dif- courfe on morality and religion. And if virtue mufT be faid to be founded on Mafonry, becaufe, in a figura- tive fenfe, it depends on rule and proportion; it may as well be faid to be founded on a taylor's meafure, and a pair of breeches may be an emblem of modefty, and C 78 ] and a firtout of charity, as it often " covers a multi-" tude of fins." To get a truce to the doctor's ridicule, I alked th Prefident, whether their fociety had any fecret, which they communicated to their initiated members, as the Free-Mafons had: " Yes, fir, anfwered the Doftor, (who I found was the champion of the company) the taylors have many and more important fecrets than the pretended Roficruciany^- rets of the Free-Mafons ; their cceleftial cube; their immortal carbuncle or pyramid of purple fait, more radiant than the fun in its meridian glory; which are no more to the purpofe, than the red cabbage which you faw in the middle of the table. But thefe " refpettable taylors" communicate, to the ini- tiated, the true and important fecrets of the trade founded on mathematical principles, for the ufes of common life; how to cut out a fquare piece of cloth, with the moft advantage to themfelves as well as to their cufto- mers, into elliptical circles, parallellograms, parallello- pipedons, and all the variety of dimenfions neceflary to make a coat or a pair of breeches." I fuffered the orator to harangue without interrup- tion, when a young member, who fat near the prefident,, waxing mellow, began fpouting Hamlet: "Butr C 79 J But that I am forbid c< To tell the fecrets of my prifon-houfe, " I could a tale unfold, whofe lighteft word " Would harrow up thy foul." The Prefident, a little fore, called him ct to order!" But the chaplain; now alfo a little elevated, faid, " Why, Mr. Prefident, I believe there are fome fecrets of your prifon-houfe, called hell, (where, I am told, you now and then flip a remnant of cloth) which ought not to be difclofed. I had my pulpit hung with black cloth, with which my taylor (not any one of this honeft fra- ternity) made me indeed a coat and waiftcoat, but fo fcanty, that I could not wear them ; and brought me home a rag or two, not enough to make a pincufhion. But half a year after I faw my gentleman in a harid- fome black waiftcoat and breeches, which a difcarded journeyman affured me was a remnant of my eleemo- fuiary pulpit-cloth. A droll fellow now began to fmg, in no very melo- dious voice, the old fong, " A tinker and a taylor, " A foldier and a failor, " Were once at deadly ftrife, fir, " To make a maid a wife, fir, " Whofe name was buxom Joan, &c. M And And as moft of the fraternity began to be very obftre- perous, and the waiter came round to collecl: the ordi- nary, I paid my half-crown, and was taking leave of Mr. Prefident, when, towards the bottom of the table, was heard a great uproar. My landlord, it feems, without acquainting the Prefident, had introduced a little weefel-faced fellow ; who, though he had catenas much as nine taylors, refufed to pay more than one fhilling for his ordinary and extraordinaries. He faid, he had dined at moft of the Revolution Clubs in London, and had much better dinners at that price, and would pay no more. The waiter defired to refer it to the prefident. " I do not care a loufe for the prefident, fays the ftranger ; all mankind are equal^ and I infift upon c the rights of man;' and will not give up my unalienable liberty of getting a dinner, wherever I can meet with it." ^The waiter urged, that the fociety had agreed, and ordered a dinner at fo much a head. The ftranger faid, " no body of men could bind another to what he had not given his confent." Befides, an agreement made before dinner may be broken after dinner : a man may fee reafons, when his belly is full, which he could not fee ort an empty ftomach. This [ 8. ] This extraordinary do&rine being uttered with fome emphafis, the chaplain, who was an orthodox fon of the church, faid, in a loud whifper, that he fancied it was Dr. P 1 y in difguife : " No, fir, fays the ftranger, I am not Dr. P t~y, I refpeft the Doctor as a philo- fopher and a divine i he has made free enough with the fecrets of nature, and with the myfteries of religion ; but he does not come up to my ftandard in politicks : my name is Thomas P ne; and I do not care who knows it!" " What bufinefs have you amongft a company of taylors, then, cries one of them, and will not pay your reckoning?" " Sir, I am a brother of the thimble ; and a Stay- maker by trade; which, furely, is fuperiorto a Taylor j as you all acknowledge the fovereignty of your wives and miftrefles over their huflbands or keepers." This roufed the fpirit of the whole fraternity ; who, ftarting up like the foldiers of Cadmus, inftantaneoufly, each man with his arms a-kimbo declared, no woman in Chriftendom mould rule him. The Prefident like- wife, clapping on his Khevenhuller hat, and fnatching up the ftandard, faid, he would be glad to fee the wo- man that mould dare to controul him : this was echoed G by C 82 ] by every man, from the top to the bottom of the table ; and the tumult became fo noify, that in rufhed a whole body of Amazons ; who, thinking their beloved fpoufes had enjoyed their liberty and their jollity long enough, had come, as if by confent, to the hotel, and each of them feizing upon her lord and majler, dragged him off in triumph, and difperfed the aflembly. MORAL CHARACTERS THEOPHRASTUS. r T^HEOPHRASTUS's Moral Charafters, muti- * lated as they are come down to us, are fome of the moft curious remains of antiquity. Having been written two thoufand years fince, they are a proof that human nature was always the fame ; and that the fame degree of civilization will produce the fame ftate of manners, the fame vices and follies, in every age and in every country. Diffimulation and flattery, imperti- nence and impudence, are the growth of every climate. The newfmonger of Theophraftus is to be met with in our metropolis, and in almoft every provincial town ; but the peculiar prevalence of this character at Athens, where the author reprefents them as fpending their whole time in the porticos, and other places of publick refort, confirms St. Paul's account of the Athenians in G 2 his [ 84 ] his time ; " that they employed themfelves in nothing " but in hearing and telling fome new thing." So in- tent were thefe politicians, on getting a crowd about them in the publick baths,* to communicate their in- telligence j that " their clothes were frequently ftolen from them by (harpers " and, while they were taking towns and gaining victories, they were probably at a lofs for a dinner. Some of thefe characters, however, are not fufficiently difcriminated, but might have been ranged under the fame heads; as, thofe upon flattery and wheedling^ (as an old tranflation calls it) thofe upon garrulity and lo- quacity, and fome few others. As I have obferved in many inftances, where the idiom of the Greek language approaches nearer to the Englifh than the Latin or any other of the dead lan- guage, a tranflation nearly literal might beft exprefs the fenfe of the original, I have attempted one or two characters, to fatisfy the curiofity of the mere Englifh reader. ON * Like our Coffee-houfes. C 85 J GARRULITY. GARRULITY,IS a propenfity to be prating inceflantly on uninterefting fubjeds. A garrulous man, or pra- ting fellow, is one who, if he happens to fit next to a mere Granger, begins with an encomium on his own wife. He then entertains him with the particulars of his laft night's dream: he next recounts every dim that he had for dinner the preceding day. In the progrefs of his volubility, he obferves how much more wicked men are in this age than in the former: that corn was very cheap in the market to-day; and that there are a great number of Grangers in town : that foon after the feaft of Bacchus,* the mips might fafely put to fea: that if it pleafed God to fend fome rain, the fruits of the earth would come on finely: that he in- tends to plough up his fallow field next year; but that the times are hard, and that it is difficult for a man to live in the world. He then tells you, that Damippus exhibited the largeft torch at the myfteries of Ceres; and informs you the exaft number of the columns in the theatre built * The greater Bacchanalian feftival, celebrated in fpring. C 86 ] built by Pericles. I took an emetick yefterday, he fays j and pray what day of the month is it to-day ?* In fhort, if you have patience to liften to him, you will never get rid of him ; but if you would avoid a fever, make your efcape from fuch fellows with all poffible fpeed, for there is no bearing with people, who have not fenfe to diftinguifh between feafons of bufmefs and of leifure. Of DISTRUST; OR, A SUSPICIOUS TEMPER. THIS fufpicious temper inclines us to fufpe& every one of an intention to impofe upon us. A man of this temper, if he fends his fervant to market to buy proviiions, will difpatch another fervant, to enquire how much he paid for them. If he travels with a fum of money in his pocket, he will flop every half mile to reckon how much it is. As he lies in bed, he afks his wife * He alludes to feveral other feftivals, and exemplifies St. Paul's opinion of them. Ye men of Athens ! I perceive that in all things ye are too fuperflitious." wife whether fhe has fhut the great cheft, and locked the trunk carefully; and whether the bar was -put to the outward-door ? And, though fhe afiures him that all is fafe, he neverthelefs will leap out of his bed, and without his cloaths, and bare-footed, light a lamp, and go all round the houfe, and examine every particular i and even then can hardly compofe himfelf to fleep. When he goes to receive the intereft of thofe who owe him money, he takes witnefles with him, that they may not deny the debt for the future: if he fends his coat to be fcoured, he never enquires for the moft fkil- ful workman, but one that will give him the beft fecu- rity for returning it again : if a neighbour comes to borrow fome drinking g/affes* of him, he is very un- willing to lend them ; or if he does, he is never at reft till he has got them returned : he bids his flave that attends him walk in his fight before him, to prevent his running away : if a gentleman buys any thing of him, and bids him place it to his account; " No, fir, pleafe to lay down the money, for I (hall not be at leifure to fend after it." C 88 3 OF UNPLEASANT MANNERS 5 OR, TROUBLESOME FELLOWS. THIS is a kind of intercourfe, though not abfo- lutely injurious, yet extremely irkfome and fatiguing. A troublefome fellow is one who will go into your chamber, when you are juft fallen to fleep, and awake you, merely to have fome idle converfation with him. And when a friend is going a voyage, and juft ready to fet fail, he will go to him, and beg him to ftay till they have taken a little walk together. He will take a child from its nurfe, chew fome meat and feed it, dan- dle it in his arms, and talk nonfenfe to it; and, in the midft of dinner, tells you that he took a dofe of helle- bore, which operated powerfully upward and down- wards i* and that after taking a little broth, he voided a great deal of black bile. He frequently afks\ his mother before company, what day me brought him into the world? He tells you what fine cool water he has in his ciftern j and that his garden produces great plenty of * dvu * x1. f AUKS, a terrible fellow. . C 89 3 of excellent and tender cabbages ; and that his houfe is as open to all ftrangers, as an inn upon the road ; and when he has company, he introduces his parafite as a facetious fellow, and during the entertainment, bids him exert himfelf and divert the company." As the manners of the Athenians, at this period, were highly polifhed, Theophraftus muft have taken many of thefe charafters from the lower circles : he was turned of ninety (it is fuppofed) when he wrote them : he was the fcholar and fucceflbr of Ariftotle, in his fchool. Menander availed himfelf of thefe cha- racters. METRO-MANIA; OR, ON A RAGE FOR RHYMING. The graveft bird that wings the fky, " His talents at zfong will try." ANONYM. (See the title-page.) IN every civilized (and perhaps uncivilized) nation of the world, there has fprung up once in an age, fup- pofe, fome exalted genius ; who, confcious of his own powers, has profefTed himfelf a prieft of the Mufes;* devoted himfelf to their fervice, boldly laid claim to their infpiration, and has been univerfally honoured with the refpe&able name of poet; fuch were Homer, Virgil, Taflb, Milton, and fome few others. There have likewife been, in ever) 7 age, men of parts ; who, making peotry their chief ftudy, without afpiring to the fummit of Parnaflus, have entertained and in- ftruded * Mufarum Sacerdos. HOR. [ 9' ] ftru&ed mankind, by their didaftick and moral poems; fuch as Hefiod, Horace, Boileau, Dryden, Pope, and many others of that character. But there have been many more, particularly in our own country, who, miftaking a ftrong inclination for genius, have unhappily paid their court to- the mufes : but, fenfible at length of their own mediocrity of talents, have thought it ne- ceflary to make apologies for indulging fo idle a pro- penfity; yet, by a ftrange infatuation, perfevere in a practice which they affe6t to condemn. Indeed, from what I have, even from my childhood, experienced in myfelf and obferved in others ; in the moil illiterate as well as thofe of the moft improved under- ftandings; this propenfity feems fo general, that I am almofl inclined to pronounce man " a rhyming, as well as a reasoning animal." The rude efforts of the un- taught multitude tend to prove, and the occafional effufions of more enlightened minds, to confirm, the juftnefs of this definition. The chief difference be- tween a man of fenfe, and a coxcomb, in this refpecl:, feems to confift in the extent of their indulgence in this frivolous occupation. A man whofe imagination pre- vails over his judgment, is apt to make rhyming his ferious employment; while a fenfible man makes it the araufement only of a leifure hour, and never fuffers it to interfere with his more important purfuits. Yet, C 9* ] Yet, though we juftly ridicule a mere rhymer, we may be thankful that we have been preferved from a contagion, with which more or lefs, as I obferved, fome of the wifeft men in all ages have been infected : phi- lofophers, ftatefmen, lawyers, and divines, have occa- fionally felt fymptoms of this epidemical difeafe. We need not have recourfe to the remoter periods of Greece or Rome, to the examples of Solon, Plato, and even the wife Socrates : to thofe of Scipio, Lelius, and Cicero: in a later aera, the amiable Pliny the confulj who, befides his high office, had fo many more ufeful accomplimments to value himfelf upon, fpeaks with much felf-complacency of a volume of hendecafylla- bles, which he had publifhed, and which fome Greeks, then refiding at Rome, had fet to mufick : though, if he has given us a fair fpecimen of them, they were as bad as Tully's well-known jingle: " O! fortunatam natam, me Confule Romam!* " How happy happened Rome to be, " Bleft with a Confulthus like me!" * Though Tully has been ridiculed for that (probably) extem- pore line ; fome people have thought, that, if he had cultivated his tafte for poetry, he would have made no bad figure in that branch. His poem on his countryman C. Marius was much admired by Atticus and other good judges. A middling orator might probably make a tolerable poet; but he had better exercife his lungs as an auctioneer, than in fpouting his own heroic*. C 93 ] But our own country and more modern times, will furnifh us with fufficient inftances of the fafcinating charms of metre. Amongft the illiterate we may reckon John Bunyan; who, not contented with having produced his univer- fally admired, original work of the Pilgrim's Progrefs, has exhibited his talent at rhyming, in a preface of five pages : " Some faid, John, print it; others faid not fo! *' Some faid, it might do good; others faid no!" In the fame rank of literature, though of much fupe- rior poetical abilities, our own times fupply us with examples without number. But in the moft highly cultivated underftandings, this barren weed has occafionally fprung up in the midft of more valuable productions. Not to mention our Bolingbrokes, our Pulteneys, our Chefterfields, and Nugents, and many others;* there is hardly a great man now living, but has in his youth, and perhaps in the zenith of his power and im- portance, fported with the Mufes. Archbimops and bifhops, * See Dodley's Mifcellanies, paflim. C 94 ] bifhops, ftatefmen and lawyers; who have figured in the miniftry, or prefided in the courts of judicature ; many of whom, if it were decent or neceflary, I could readily enumerate.* Thefe reflexions were fuggefted by reading the late philofophical Dr. Eerkenhout's letters to his fon; in which, after fome fevere reflexions on our publick. fchools and univerfities, (which however, by the way, the good Doctor fhevvs to be undeferved) and in the midft of a moft ferious lecture on his fon's moral and religious conduct, the Doctor concludes with inviting him to dinner, in a long epiftle in rhyme, with the alli- teration in which the reader will be diverted : " Tof Trumpington tramping, to dine with the Doctor, " Which fure you may do, without fear of the Proctor, &c. But * Sir \V. Bl kftone, notwithflanding the " Lawyer's farewell to his Mufe," (fee Dodfley's Mif.) could jiot forbear now and then fome little dalliance with the enchanting nymph, when his admirable Commentaries had eftablifhed his fame, and fecured him univerfal applaufe. f- The Doctor lived in Mr. Anftey's houfe at Trumpington, near Cambridge ; whom he compliments as the author of " The Bath Guide;" but forgets that his poetical is not the only valu- able part of that gentleman's character. C 95 ] But I do not produce thefe refpeciable examples, as an adequate excufe for my own offences in the fame kind : nor is it a fufficient plea, that becaufe a right reverend, or a right honourable perfonage, has in his youth written a few good verfes, I fhould, in my old age, be fcribbling fo many bad ones. The only ufeful infer- ence which I can draw from the premifes, is to caution young people from indulging fo unprofitable a purfuit; as an habit of rhyming, like any other habit, as drunk- ennefs or fornication for inftance, increafes by indul- gence; and though it may not bring us to the pillory, it will firfl or laft, it is to be feared, bring us to mame. Indeed, if as Swift oblerves this tendency to rhyming be a morbid fecretion from the brain, it may be as dan- gerous to check the humour too fuddenly, as to flop up a defluxion or cold in the head by violent medicines ; but let us at leaft attend to what Epeclitus fays of thofe that tell their dreams; which is applicable to thofe who write verfes: " Never tell thy dreams, fays thatphilo- fopher; for though thou mayft take a pleafure in telling them, another will take no pleafure in hearing them !'* " Nee lufifle pudet, fed non incidere ludum." HOR. " Blum not in youth, to fport in rhyme, " But pray, my friend, leave off in time." ANONYM. [ 96 ] POSTCRIPT. THIS Metro -mania is not peculiar to our own times or our own country : the learned Jefuit Strada made the fame complaint, in the i6th century, at Rome. " Nullus hodie mortalium aut nafcitur aut moritur; aut praeliatur aut rufticatur ; aut peregre abit aut redit ; aut nubit \ aut eft, aut non eft; (nam etiam mortuis ifti canunt) cui illi non extemplo cudant epicedia, genethiaca ; protreptica panegyrica ; epithalamia, vaticinia ; propemptica,* foterica } paraepeticaj naenias, nugas. Prolus. Academ. " No mortal in this age is either born or dies ; or marries ; or goes to war, or goes into the country ; or goes abroad, or returns home ; or in fhort, either exiftsordoes not exift j (for even to the dead they fing) for whom thefe rhymers do not immediately compofe their birth -day odes ; their elegies j their epithalamiums \ their admonitory, and exhortatory, their panegyrical and prophetical rhymes ; their congratulations and funeral fongs; and trifles of every denomination." * Complimentary wiflies to a friend on his journey we have no Englifh word to exprefs it. PART II. POETICAL: CONSISTING OF A NEW TRANSLATION OF Holdfwortb's Mufcipida, AND ORIGINAL PIECES. PREFACE. TV/TR. HOLDSWORTH's Mufdpula, though fo +**- exquifite a piece of humour in the original, yet depends fo much on the ingenious application of ex- preflions from the Clafficks, that no tranflation can do itjuftice. Dr. HOADLY'S, in blank verfe, gives the fenfe, but not the leaft idea of the fpirit and force of the original. Whether the following attempt will have better fuccefs, it is impoffible for me to judge. A man may pleafe himfelf in humming a tune, yet afford no pleafure to his company. As I am myfelf a Welchman by. my mother's fide, and am pofTefled of a pedigree of the Morgans' family five yards long; and can prove my defcent from a knight of King Arthur's round table; no one I truft, will fufpect me of any difrepe&ful intention, towards that ancient race of Britons, in an attempt to make the Mufcipula more extenfively known. General reflections on bodies of men, on nations, or profeffions, are univerfally condemned. But as for H 2 common- C 100 ] common-place jokes, a fenflble man will join perhaps in the laugh, if the wit deferve it ; yet, with a confci- ous fuperiority, will pity the abfurd prejudices of thofe that adopt them; who, however, are feldom actuated by any worfe paflion than an ambition of being witty upon the moft eafy terms. 2V. B. I have omitted a few lines, which defcribe the ftru&ure of the moufe-trap : which, though ex- preffed in elegant Latin, would make no figure in Eng- lifh; and, if the reader has never feen a moufe-trap, he would have but a faint idea of it, from a poetical defcription. THE MUSCIPULA OF MR. HOLDSWORTH. A NEW TRANSLATION. r T" 1 HAT Britifh Mountaineer, whofe flirewd device -* Firft forg'd coercive bonds for pilfering mice ;* Th* infidious Trap's inextricable fate, And all its various wiles, oh Mufe, relate ! And thou, great Sminthian\ Phoebus, aid my fong: To thee, dread foe to mice ! thefe lays belong, And, from the Cambrian mountains, deign to chufe Another P Indus; while th' adventurous mufe * Monticolam Britonem, qui primus vincula muri Tinxit, et ingeniofo occlufit carcere murem, Lethalefque dolos et inextricabila fatum, Mufa refer &c. t So called from his deftroy'mg the mice, that infefted that part of Phrygia. HOM, [ 102 ] Delights to fport in tragi-comic verfe, And fam'd exploits in humble ftrains rehearfe. Hoftile to man, the moufe, who long had reign'd, By fear unaw'd, by danger unreftrain'd j Inur'd to rapine, his clandeftine trade Dauntlefs purfued, and direful havock made; In every lufcious dim he dipt his nofe, Skipt to and fro, and fported with his foes. Nor doors, nor bolts, his ravages reftrain, Strong walls and pye-cruft were oppos'd in vain; A foe domeftick, an unbidden gueft, The little thief intrudes at every feaft. He ate his way, where entrance was denied ; With unbought dainties by his tooth fupplied. But, while throughout the globe this peft prevail'd, CAMBRIA with ten-fold grief his thefts bewail'd. She in her bowels nurs'd the dire difeafe, For Cambria daily fmelt of toafted cheefe. And, not content to nibble, many a moufe Had here fcoop'd out a comfortable houfe ; Here dwelt and batten'd, and fecurely flept, And undiflurb'd, his lawlefs revels kept. With indignation fir'd, the Cambrian race Ran wildly o'er their hills, from place to place : While various ftratagems their thoughts engage, They fret, they ftorm, their bofoms burn with rage ; C 103 3 For Cambria's fons are ever prone to ire: You'd fwear, their fouls,* with fulphur ting'd, took fire, As rage fuggefted, 'tis at length decreed, Juft vengeance muft take place the foe muft bleed; But how, or when ? What projeft, who can find; What wily fnare, this cautious thief can bind ? Devoted Wales ! The cat, though much thy friend, Thy cheefe, alas ! no longer can defend : Before the cavern's mouth, though night and day, With look demure, fhe watches for her prey ; With fiient foot or, creeping, to furprife The little caitiff: he for refuge flies And fits fecurely in his winding dome, Where cats of portly bulk can never come : Nor dares 'peep out, or new excurfions try, While murderous foes in treacherous ambufh He. Thus, when great Julius had the world fubdued, And through the Britifh ifle his foes purfued; The Welch, if mice with Welchmen may compare, Amidft their rocks efcaped the mocks of war; Safe in their native bulwarks, they defy'd The arms of Caefar and the Roman pride, * Credas animos quoque fulphure tin&os. That " quoque" is fcurrilous; infinuating that the Welch ufe brimftone for fome fecret complaint. C 104 J Bravely they fed the well difputed field; Defpair'd to conquer yet difdained to yield: Hence his long pedigree the Cambrian boafts, Primaeval language, and unconquer'd hofts. When thus the moufe had long efcflped the paw Of fierce grimalkin; and the Cambrian faw No hopes of fuccour from his old ally, More vigorous meafures 'tis refolv'd to try. Where old Menevia,* on the diftant fhore, Laments her ancient grandeur now no more, Her walls demolifh'd, and her mitre wrong'd, A council is conven'd ; when thither throng'd Of aged fires, and of Patricians proud, And, fteam'd with fulphur, an ignoble crowd. An ancient fage, whofe patriarchal beard, By goats was envied as by men rever'd, Inveterate fcurf incrufts his face and hands, Confpicuous, 'midft the full afiembly (lands. A po/f there was ; and now, infirm with age, Againft the well-fcrub'd poft reclin'd the fage; And thus began: deep from his aged throat, With throttling found burft forth the gutt'ral note. " 'Tis not for open war, that here we meet, AB AMICO EXPECTES QJUOD TUTE AGERE POSSIS. W flEN autumn now had deck'd the plain With waving crops of golden grain, To crown the anxious farmer's care, And for their harveft all prepare: A Lark had left her infant brood, To range the fields in quell: of food ; But charg'd them, as conceal'd they lay, (If chance the farmer came that way) To Men what they heard him mention, That might difcover his intention, How foon he meant to cut his wheat, That they might thence in time retreat. Having her caution thus exprefs'd, She left them cuddling in their neft But, when return'd, in wild affright They begg'd her to remove that night : For that the farmer told his fon, 'Twas time their harveft was begun; And that he'd call his neighbours in, And the next morning would begin. If that be all, the mother faid, We need not yet be much afraid : He that depends upon his neighbour, Will find him fparing of his labour. People are flow to ferve their friends, Unlefs it anfwers their own ends. The lark next morning does the fame, Again the careful farmer came; And, fince his neighbours thus had us'd him, And fo unhandfomely refus'd him ; Piqu'd as he was, he bids his fon Ride o'er and afk his uncle John, And coufin George, and coufm Tom : For they, he faid, would gladly come. The young ones now inform'd the mother, The farmer had engag'd his brother-, C 126 ] And had refolv'd, without delay, To cut his corn the following day. The mother bade them yet not fear : " Relations, mould they be fincere, Have feldom been fo punftual known In others' bufmefs, as their own." Accordingly, their loving coufins Found out excufes by the dozens : The uncle was not very well, And when he mould be, could not tell. Their coufin George he could not fpare j And Tom was gone to B anbury fair. Yet, he was forry to refufe him; But hoped his brother would excufe him. The farmer, now reduced to ftraights, No longer for afilftance waits ; More difappointments would not bear, But bids his fon two hooks prepare j And they themfelves, the following morn, Would certainly cut down their corn. When this the trembling inmates hear. They ferioufly began to fear Their threats would now effectual prove, And inftantly prepar'd to move. C "7 ] He that on neighbours or on friends To do his work too much depends, In fpite of compliments repeated, Will find his hopes too oft defeated. If you would have your bufinefs done c< Rely upon yourfelf alone." [ 128 ] CHOOSE YOURSELF ! WHATE'ER philofophers may chatter; Who know but little of the matter; The greateft comforts of our life, Are a good horfe and a good wife: One for domeftick confolation, And one for health and recreation. Be cautious then, but not too nice; Nor liften to each fool's advice: Nor, guided by the publick voice, But your own reafon, make your choice. My horfe was old and broken- winded, Yet this myfelf I hardly minded; But by my neighbours I was told, That when a horfe grows ftiff and old, If urg'd to fpeed 'tis ten to one He trips and throws his rider down. C .29 ] I liften'd then to their advice, And bought a colt at no fmall price : A ftately fteed, that on the road Would proudly prance beneath his load. But this Bucephalus, again, Put my young family in pain ; Who cordially exprefs'd their fears, That I, a man advanced in years, Regardlefs of my own dear* neck, Should undertake a colt to break. You are too wife, dear fir, I know To hazard thus your life for mow; Rifk then no fubjeft for remorfe, But part with this unruly horfe ! I next a pony would have bought, An ufeful fcrub : but here 'twas thought (Such is my fon's and daughter's pride) It was too mean for me to ride. Dear fir ! faid they, it is not fit For you to mount this paltry tit : It were as well aim oft, alas ! To ride, like Balaam, on an afs. i Again, to various fyftems yielding, I bought a ftrong, ftout, flumping gelding : K />.oy y'ro. HoM. [ '3 ] Aflured he'd neither trip nor ftart; Would carry me or draw a cart. But vain were all my irkfome labours, This clumfy beaft quite Jhock'd my neighbours; Who ftill would have me, as before, At buying, try my hand once more. One offer'd me a pretty mare, Juft bought, he faid, at Briftol fair; And then my landlord at the Bell Had a young galloway to fell : He'd travel fifty miles a-day " But try him, fir, before you pay." He would not willingly have fold him, But fomebody, he faid, had told him, How much, forfooth, I was diftrefs'd! And earneftly the matter prefs'd : So, willing to do me a favour, He wifh'd, he faid, that I might have her. " Well, landlord, you're an konejl man, I'll pleafe my neighbours if I can; I'm not a judge, you know, myfelf, I'll truft to you here take the pelf" The purchafe made, I now grew wife- Man John, faid I, how are his eyes ? Oh ! fir, not blind, you need not fear it, I mean not yet though very near k. Thus then on every fide put to't, I vow'd at laft, I'd walk on foot : For 'tis in vain, alas ! I find, To think of pleafmg all mankind. 'Tis thus in chufing of a horfe; In chufing of a wife 'tis worfe. Handfome or homely; young or old; Chafte or unchafte; a wit; a fcold; Howe'er me proves, how vain your labour To pleafe each prying, bufy neighbour ! Then pleafe yourfelf ; or elfe for life Give up that ufeful thing a wife. %$> The following Jeu a" Efprit found its way lately into a morning paper ^ and was there f aid to have been written by Dr. Sam. Johnfon, while at breakfaji with a lady^ iff Jhew her the facility ivith which compactions of this kind might be produced. From the fubjefl^ this anecdote is not very probable " t neither has Mrs. Piozzi, or Mr. Bofwell, mentioned any thing like it. C '33 ] SUNDAY SCHOOLS, A PASTORAL. TOM AND NANCY. W HEN now the fun had umer'd in the morn, And glittering dew-drops hung on every thorn; Beneath the ihadow of a fpreading beech, Tom lean'd, and Nancy fate upon her breech. Their bleating lambkins wander'd down the vale, W hile Nancy liften'd to the fhepherd's tale : Their faithful dog lay fleeping by their fide, When Tom began, and Nancy thus replied. TOM. Believe me, Nancy, I'd a fong indite To chaunt thy praifes, but I cannot write. NANCY. With thee, dear Tom, I'll range the flowery mead; But write no fong j for ah ! I cannot read. [ -34 J TOM. Well, then : we'll love from day-light till 'tis dark, And leave fuch learning to the parim-clerk. NANCY. Or ev'n the parfon's maid might do as well ; For fhe's ^fcbolard^ and can write and fpell. TOM. d thou c an 'ft knit and fpin, and that is better; And I can work, tho' I don't know one letter. NANCY. Oh, Tom ! that we had learnt (when we were young) Our cat-i-kayS) our prayers , and vulgar tongue ! TOM. Well, now each child may learn in Sunday Schools; And little John will make us look like fools. NANCY. God blefs 'Squire Raikes ! who firft thefe fchools did found; To which our gentry now give many a pound. TOM. Now boys and girls are taught to read and fing, And fay their prayers, and pray for church and king. C "35 3 NANCY. Now neat and clean the boys and girls we meet j Not running wild and ragged through the ftreet. TOM. Then let us go to church, each Sunday night, And hear them fmgfol-fa with all their might. NANCY. We'll go ; and tho' I cannot fing the beft, My voice, fo (brill, fhall fqueak amongft the reft. TOM. But lo ! our (beep quite out of fight are got, And now the mounting fun (bines plaguy hot. NANCY. Then you drive up your flock ; and I'll go home, And boil the pot, and fpin till you are come. Exeunt. DEATH OF- MR. HOWARD, THE PHILANTHROPIST. JjORN to relieve the mis'ries of mankind, Infenfible of toil, to danger blind ; Thro' diftant realms, while How'rd with zeal purfues, And executes his philanthropick views ; Boldly defcends, when human fufferings call, Where damps annoy or poifonous reptiles crawl ; His friends (nor lefs the friends of th' human race) Thus check'd their colleague's ramnefs in the chace : " Why eager thus unequal war to wage, " Where peftilence and death refiftlefs rage? " Each captive wretch, and object of diftrefs, " Nay, duty pleads thy ardour to reprefs. " Thy life, more precious than of lords or kings, " Life, health, and happinefs, to thoufands brings. " Be not too bold, attend difcretion's call; " Nor rifk for one the life that's due to all C '37 ] Stranger to fear, all danger he defied: With temperance artn'd, and Providerice his guide. But angels, charm'd fuch godlike a&s to fee, Forgot awhile their guardian cares for thee. Contagion then, whofe powers had been fufpended, Refum'd its force, and, ah ! thy work was ended : Anxious for all, but for himfelf alone; To fave a ftranger's* life, he loft his own. Oh ! had he learnt the caution of a coward, The world had ftill been happy in their Howard. * A young lady in a peftilential fever. C '38 3 AN HERO IN HUMBLE LIFE. A TRIBUTE TO THE MEMORY OF MR. THOMAS UNDERWOOD, Who loft his Life to fave a Fellow-fervant from the Fire, at Cumberwell-houfe, Wilts, Dec. 8, 1790. Heroes old, for fiaughter'd foes renown'dj Of kings, for vanquifh'd realms with laurels crown'd ; Or patriots, in their country's caufe who fell, Let Grecian bards, or Roman annals tell. To gain a vitory Codrus fought his death, And Curtius in thegulph refign'd his breath: Illuftrious be their ats, and juft their fame, They gain'd 'twas what they fought a deathlefs name. Behold ! a youth, untutor'd in the laws Of Glory's fchool, nor led by vain applaufe; C '39 ] Yet, taught by mere humanity, exceeds In folid glory all their boafted deeds j Efcap'd from death, undaunted he returns, While yet the fire in all its fury burns; With fuppliant cries, for lo ! an helplefs maid Amidft the burning manfion fues for aid : Boldly he rulh'd, and fav'd her in his arms But ah ! another wretch his fears alarms. In flames involv'd the trembling victim ftands, To heaven in wild defpair (he lifts her hands : By pure companion, not with glory fir'd, Again he rufh'd but in th' attempt expir'd. Ye angels ! o'er the deed who wond'ring flood, Receive his fpirit to your bleft abode: Ye Britim dames, protect the pregnant* wife, For in your caufe the hufband loft his life. * Big with her fecond child. C 140 ] KING'S RECOVERY. IOth MARCH, 1789. IF o'er the fun, at early day, While mortals hail his cheering ray, And nature fmiles in vernal bloom, Some cloud extends its tranfient gloom ; Through all the grove dull filence reigns, And mirth and joy for fake the plains. But foon difpers'd the vapours fly, Chas'd by the regent of the fky ; The turbid air his beams refine, And with their wonted luftre mine. Thus late BRITANNIA'S happy ifle Saw peace reftor'd, and all things fmile: Beneath her much-lov'd monarch's reign, Mirth revelPd o'er the wide domain : Even rival factions only ftrove To exprefs their gratitude and love. C .4 ] But fee ! a fudden fore difeafe Our fovereign's mental functions feize ; Whofe dire effefts at once opprefs The fource of publick happinefs. Then fadnefs mark'd each face with grief, Nor medicine's felf affords relief; Till heaven, in pity to our land, Propitious fent a lenient* hand} Its aid with ardent prayers implor'd, To health th' amided king reftor'd. Now rapture fills th' exulting ifle, Again all nature feems to fmile : All parties join'd, one voice employ, To teftify the publick joy. Our monarch heal'd is lov'd the more- We felt but half his worth before. His danger only ferves to prove Heaven's bounty, and his people's love. Dr. Willis. C 14* ] WRITTEN IN THE PAVILION, In the LAUREL-GROVE, At BURTON PYNSENT, JULY 1786. IMPROMPTU. JL HE Britifh flag, triumphantly difplay'd, Throughout the world great Chatham's fame convey 'd: Our finking credit, and our funds reftor'd, An equal triumph to young Pitt afford. The fire, the victor's laurel juftly won: Let then an * oaken crown reward the fan. * Or civick crown formed of oak leaves, " ob cives fervatos." E -43 3 i A WINTER-DAY's JOURNEY; OR, THE STAGE OF LIFE! WRITTEN AT AN INN, 1787^ early dawn, frefh fifing with the fun, With fpirits gay, my journey I begun : Thro' rough and fmooth, 'midft funftiine, rain orfnow, O'er hill and dale, full merrily I go. At noon I halt, refrefh my weary fteed; Recruit my ftrength ; then cheerfully proceed. But foon I feel the tedious length of way, My fpirits waning with the clofing day. Now night fucceeds ; fatigu'd and liftlefs grown, I Mill jog on, all cheerlefs and alone: I wiih for reft; though yet no reft can find, For many a t dious mile is Hill behind. But ah ! at lengtty I fpy the friendly light Of a warm inn difpel the gloom of night: - [ 144 ] Pleas'd I difmount, become a welcome gueft, Secure a well-warm'd bed and fink to reft. Yet, while my languid frame its ftrength renews, My active fancy ftill her flight purfues ; The day's adventures traces o'er again, Enjoys the pleafure, and forgets the pain. In youth's fair feafon, thus alert and gay, Our ftage begins, and funfhine all the way : Hope plans a life of never-ceafmg joy; No mare of blifs our appetite can cloy: To manhood grown, we yet behold awhile The flattering world, with varying luftre, fmile: To-day, though difappointment cloud the fcene, To-morrow yields a profpecl: more ferene; Pleafure and pain alternately prevail, Yet hope in pleafure's favour turns the fcale : 'But foon, alas ! the fond delufion's o'er, Dull cares fucceed, and pleafure is no more. The evil days approach, and naught remains, But gloomy cares, infirmities and pains; No further profpedl now the wretch can have Of joy, of eafe, but in the friendly grave; There let me flee, bid all my troubles ceafe, There reft my weary limbs and fleep in peace. While, wing'd with hope my frailties are forgiven, The foul, redeem'd from death, (hall mount to heaven- C '45 3 A SUMMER-DAY's PLEASURE, AT C Y, NEAR BATH. DEEP in a vale, 'midft pendant woods, And verdant meads, and winding floods ; Sequefter'd from that bufy fcene Of noife and (how which nothing mean; There (lands a fweet Palladian pile, A manfion in the chafteft ftyle; Such as of old, full many a dome Adorn'd the environs of Rome. This, as his journey he purfues, The traveller at a diftance* views; And, though impatient to proceed, Charm'd with the landfcape, checks his ftcedj L From the Wells roajj. [ .46 ] With rapture cries, nor deems amifs, " There furely is the feat of blifs." And happy he ! of tafte poffefs'd, Who hither comes a favour'd gueft : Complete within we all things find, Tafte, elegance, and fplendour, join'd. Proportion'd rooms, where every art Of ornament fupplies its part. A table furnimes the treat, Deck'd with fuch food as folks can eat; Superb indeed, but not profufe, Intended lefs for fhow than ufe; And though perhaps you eat on plate, 'Tis for convenience, not for ftate : For, fpite of fafhion, I alledge, That china fets one's teeth on edge. At perfect liberty and eafe, You fay and do juft what you pleafe j Within this hofpitable dome, Ev'n ftrangers find themfelves at home. What fecret charm then mall we fay, Thus gilds our moments at C**b*h*y ? What fpell invifible pervades, And animates thefe rural fhades ? What genius o'er the place prefides, Whofe influence every movement guides ? C 147 ] The worthy owners' head and heart, Their kind attentions ftill impart; And each politely condefcends, To treat you not as guefts, but friends. To them 'tis happinefs fincere, To fee you happy whilft you're here. But fleeting hours glide on too foon, And night, alas ! fucceeds to noon. Too fhort we find the fummer's day, When evening fummons us away : 'Tis parting only gives us pain, We part yet long to meet again- But hope not to engrofs thofe hearts, Where friends unnumber'd claim their parts. i 4 8 WRITTEN UNDER A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG OAK, AT H , SOMERSET, (The Seat of the late Col. B .) AT early morn, when oft I fauntering rove, And feek thy (hade, fair Regent of the grove; Or at thy root, where Laura deigns to twine The woodbine round thy trunk, at eve recline; Difpell'd awhile the cloud of gloomy cares, Which 'midft his brighteft days each mortal mares; I pleas'd reflect on many a friendly proof Of kindnefs, from yon' hofpitable roof; Where dwell politenefs, elegance, and eafe, Minds fraught with equal power and will to pleafe : Where, ev'n to luxury, each favour'd gueft His appetite may pleafe, his fancy* feaft. But though thefe fcenes, where calmly thus I fit, I foon, alas ! reluctantly muft quit : * With pictures, the produ Her wit ftill keeps them at a diftance. III. Submiflive then the nymph adore, Enjoy her fmiles, and afk no more Her charms by time matur'd, you'll find Her wit will teach her to be kind. C '79 ] MISS S**M**R. I. artlefs notes ! when Delia fings, What raptures they impart ! Or when fhe ftrikes the trembling firings, They vibrate to the heart. II. The blended tints her (kill difplay, When me the needle plies The linnet flutters on the fpray,* The rofe with nature vies. III. But words, alas ! are all too faint (Were I to beauty blind) Each virtue and each grace to paint, Confpicuous in her mind. A beautiful piece of needle-work. C '80 ] IV. Good fenfe, with a defire to pleafe, And condefcenfion fweet; And dignity, with native eafe, In due aflemblage meet. V. In Delia thus, fo nobly born, Thefe qualities abound : Yet more the fair one to adorn, With modefty they 're crown'd. VI. Unconfcious of her charms, the maid Thus humble though we view : More homage than to thrones is paid, Fair Delia is thy due. Seoul, June 1789. C 181 ] EPIGRAMS, &c. MARTIAL SPECTAC. LIB. EPIG. II. TO VESPASIAN.* AV^HERE yon fublime Colofliis braves the fkies, And vaft machinesf with felf-mov'd ftages rife, A favage tyrant's palace, one proud dome, Itfelf a city, flood alone in Rome. * The tyrant Nero having demolifhed almoft one-third of Rome, to erec"l his " Golden Palace" as he called it, (confifting of porticos near a mile in extent, a coloflal ftatue of himfelf iao feet high; lakes, parks, and woods, flocked with wild and tame beafts of every kind) the Emperors Vefpafian and Titus de- ilroyed it, and built the magnificent amphitheatre, which ftill re- mains ; put the head of Apollo on the Coloflus in the place of Nero's, C 182 ] Where the wide lake its ftagnant waters fpread, An amphitheatre now lifts its head, See ! publick baths erected, where before Wafte lawns ufurp'd the manfions of the poor: On the court's utmoft verge, a grand arcade Affords at noon its hofpitable (hade. Rome to itfelf by Caefar now reftor'd, Delights a nation not one worthlefs lord. Nero's, and erected porticos and publick baths for the ufe of the people. If the unhappy Louis XVI. had followed his own inclination, and, on his acceffion to the throne, had effected fume more important popular acts, he might probably have faved him- felf and his country from the prefent diffracted fituation. f Some wooden machines for the ufe of the amphitheathre, I believe, to amufe the populace. C '83 ] ON THE DEATH OF JAMES COLLINGS, ESQ.. FEB. 1788, AT BATH. IMITATED FROM MARTIAL, B. 1. EP. 40. IS there a man, like thofe diftinguifh'd few For friendship fam'd whom happier ages knew; His mind with fcience ftor'd, with claffick tafte, And true fimplicity of manners grac'd; Of ftriileft honour and to virtue dear, Who form'd no wifh, but all mankind might hear :* Such was the man, whofe lofs his friends deplore: Such Collings was fbut is, alas ! no more.J * Alluding to the fecret prayers of the hypocrites. HOR. j- The word Difpeream is too familiar for this occafion but may be excufed in the following imitation. | This character was brought to the author's memory, by the recent death of the worthy Mr. Hoare, to whom it is ftri&ly applicable. [ 1 84 ] MARTIAL, BOOK i. EP. 40. IMITATED. IMPROMPTU llAVE you not feen, to Dover porting down, My curious friend, about ten miles from town, If to the right you haply caft your eyes, A fplendid villa's front majeftick rife? Where, 'midft the verdant lawn, pavilions gay, And fculptur'd urns,* the owner's tafte difplay? Where wood and water harmoniz'd unite, And many a rural object charms the fight ? Neat cottages and farms the landfkip grace, But more the happy peafant's ruddy face And healthy, cheerful looks, adorn the fcene ? Hang me\ if 'tis not D nf n that you mean. * One, a beautiful antique marble urn, brought from Rome, with its pedeftal 10 or la feet high. f Difpeream, fi non &c. C '85 3 BOOK 11. EP. 7. DECLAMAS BELLE', &c. MODERNIZED. JLES, you're a pretty preacher, fir, we know it, Write pretty *noveh^ are a pretty poet; A pretty critick, and tell fortune s\ too; Then, who writes farce or epigrams like you ? At every ball how prettily you nick it : You fiddle, fing, play prettily at cricket. Yet, after all, in nothing you excel, Do all things prettily^ but nothing well. What (hall I call you ? Say the beft I can, You are, my friend, a '[very bufy man. * Bellas hiftorias. -f Bellus es aftrologus. J Magnus es Ardelio. EXPENSIVE JILT. * B. XI. EP. 50. HS.C NOSSE SALUS JL HERE's not an hour, my Phillis, in the day, But you contrive to make my fondnefs pay. Your maid, an artful flut, now cries, " Alas ! " What (hall I do ? I've broke my lady's glafs. Then Phillis comes herfelf, in tears, poor thing! And tells me me has loft her favourite ring, Or dropt, perchance, a diamond from her locket Then, a new piece of filk muft *pick my pocket. Behold her next, her eflence-box produce, Which wants fome rich perfume or eau-de-luce. Now an old hag, pretending to divine And folve her dreams, muft have fome old tent wine : f I then for fifh the market muft explore, Some demirep will dine with us at four. * Furtiva lucri. ) " Nigra" to appeafe the infernal deities. C 187 3 But, prithee ! Phillis, pay fome fmall regard To juftice and my generous love reward: Since I refufe you nothing, how can you Thus pick my pocket and refufe* me too ? MISS S**** H' fmgs : how ftrong, how clear, Her thrilling accents ftrike the ear ! But, by degrees, the foften'd lay In melting fweetnefs dies away : And, while we liften to the fair, The notes feem half-diflblv'd in air. Yet fuch the raptures they impart, With lightning's force they pierce the heart. Negas." Verbum amatorium. [ i88 ] MARTIAL, PAUPER CINNA VULT VIDERI ET EST PAUPER, IMITATED. VVITH old flouch'd hat and undrefs'd hair, Cinna affects a ruftick air ; And, while due forms he thus negle^s, He is the ruftick he affefts. ANOTHER. Caltidus impbfuit nuper mlhi caupo Cum peter em mixtum, vendidit ille merum. IMITATED: A REAL FACT. Indeed, my good friend, I have caufe to complain, When 1 caii'd for fome cyder, you gave me Champagne. C 189 ] TEMPERANCE. me'ov ni/.ov *ja1<.* HfiS. YOU dine with lords, and with infulting air, Repeat, in favoury terms, your bill of fare: I, happy to efcape a fumptuous treat, Enjoy the venifon which I did not eat. FRENCH REVOLUTION. THEY who, impatient of the yoke, Have driv'n one tyrant from the throne; Now, to more bafe fubrr-ifTion broke, Beneath ten thoufand tyrants groan. * " A pint of wine is better than a bottle.' [ '90 ] EQUALITY; OR, THE DYING LOVER. YOUNG Corydon, a forward blade, The offspring of a 'fquire, Addrefs'd a lovely, blooming maid, Whofe father was a dyer, *' A Dyer's daughter ! cries his dad, "What! marry her! Ofye!" Why not, fir, fays the honeft lad, " You know we all mujl die. AN USEFUL APOTHEGM FOR A FOND MOTHER, W HE THE R charg'd or uncharg'd, I charge you, my fon, Never wantonly face the mouth of a gun ; And, tam'd or untam'd, pray likewife beware, Come not nigh to the heels of a horfe or a mare.^ OR THUS: Approach not, I charge you, if danger you'd fliun, The heels of a horfe, or the mouth of a gun. TO A LADY, WHO MISTOOK THE WORD APOTHEGM FOR APOZEM. An Apozem^ madam, would make your child fick: My Apothegm fave him from many a kick. [ I 9 2 ] THE CHOICE OF A HUSBAND. THE SENTIMENTS OF A YOUNG LADY. JL/ON'T marry an old man, my father advifes, To marry a young man, mamma thinks unwife is : An old man is jealous, will be peevifh and teaze you, A young man is fickle, and will not long pleafe you. That my choice of a hulband may not be thought wrong then, I'll have nothing to do with old men or young men. A middle-aged man comes neareft the truth, \\ ith the wifdom of age and the ardour of youth. "With fuch a one only I ever will marry, And my hope of true blifs can hardly mifcarry. [ 193 3 IN THE STYLE OF 'MASTER THOMAS STERNHOLD, TOUCHING CRITICKS. I. is the man, who, free from ftrife, Can read and write at home ! Enjoy an unambitious life, Nor vainly wifh to roam II. Where fmners ply the grey goofe-quill, In Critical Reviews; And verfe or profe, with dangerous Ikill, Unfeelingly abufe. III. Ungodly men ! on mifchief bent ! Who " fit in fcorner's chair," And, not to keep eternal Lent, On harmlefs authors fare. O IV. But he who by his parlour fire Right peaceably doth fit, Nor ever proudly doth afpire To tread the paths of wit; V. To criticks deaf as Scilly's rocks, " Their doings will deride, " And make them all as mocking-flocks, " Throughout the world fo wide." BY ATTERBURY, WHEN A WESTMINSTER SCHOLAR. ~On the figure of JUDAS in the Altar-Piece, faid to be taken from a well-known charafter. X 1 ALLERIS hac te qui pingi fub imagine, credis, Non fimilis Judas eft tibi paenituit.* TRANSLATED. Think not by Judas thou art reprefented, Though Judas was a thief yet he repented. * I cannot recoiled a more fevere ftroke of fatire, conveyed in fo few words. IN OBITUM DOM. ELIZ. SHERIDAN, FORMA, VOCE, ATQUE INGEN1O, INTER ORNATAS ORNATISSIM^, A IMO AMORES ITA SUSPIRAT AMICUS. HEU! EHEU! LUGEANT MORTALES! EJA VERO GAUDEANT CCELESTES ! DULCES AD AMPLEXUS, SOCIANS JAM CITHAR/E MELOS, REDIT PERGRATA, EN! ITERUM SOROR; SUAV1USQUE NIL MANET HOSANNIS. [ '97 1 ON THB DEATH OF MRS. SHERIDAN* FROM THE LATIN OF DR. H N. , every beauty, every grace, Which other females fhare, Adorn'd thy mind, 'thy voice, thy face, Thou faireft of the fair ! Amidft the general diftrefs, Oh ! let a friend his grief exprefs ! Yet whilft, alas ! each mortal mourns, Rejoice ! ye heavenly Choir ! To your embraces ihe returns ; And, with her focial lyre, ELIZA* now refumes her feat, And makes your harmony compleat. Original C 198 J AN IRISH GENTLEMAN.f A CARD, DECLINING AN INVITATION TO A CONVERSAZIONI. OAINT Patrick's dean, though deaf, was Swift, I'm deaf, alas ! but flow : True wit and humour were his gift, But not my gift, you know. As well might one that could not eat Attend your jovial cheer, As I difturb your higher treat Of wit, I cannot hear. f Tfce late worthy Dr. Domville. WRITTEN AFTER A' CONVIVIAL ENTERTAINMENT. JATUR EST CUM DIGIT HORATIUS EVJE. JUT, J. HE Sheriff, to convene a county meeting, To gentlemen and clergy fendeth greeting: Hinting in each a different ftyle of breeding, , Of birth, of rank and elegance of feeding. But thofe that dine with *K will fee, delightedj In him thefe various qualities united; And find, as we this cheerful day have done, The Gentleman and Clergyman in one. * A reverend and worthy baronet* [ 200 HEROICK LOVE: A DIALOGUE BETWEEN SON QUIXOTE AND SANCHO PANCHAy. IN THE BROWN MOUNTAIN, {When the fquire returned from his embafly to Lady Dulcinea.) WELL, Sancho, I confefs indeed, Like a good fquire thou'ft made good fpeed:* Come ! footh my anxious bofom's void, And tell me how my love's employ'd. Is me intent on ftringing pearls To decorate her auburn curls, Or making up her Bruflels lace To made the beauties of her face ? Was me amidft the myrtle grove Weaving the ftory of our love; Or, on a mofly bank reclin'd, Soothing with books her penfive mind; * The joke was, inftead of going three days journey to Tobofo the fquire returned with the curate and barber. [ aor ] The rofe and violet round her blooming, , With fragrant fcents the air perfuming ? No, no : I faw no pearls or rofes, Or fuch fine things as you fuppofes : I found your fweetheart winnowing wheat, . All cover'd o'er with dull and fweat; And, when I told her you were dying For love of her, inftead of crying, The faucy Aut began to titter: But when I gave her your kind letter, She laid it down upon the fack, And faid, I'd better take it back: "For faith and troth!" the poor wench faid,.. " I never learn'd to write or read ; " But if he longs to kifs my toe fo, " Let J en come and do it at Tobofo." So, pleafe your worfliip, my good matter, For fear of fome more dire difafterj Let us no longer through thofe highlands, Jn queft of governments or iilands, Or killing giants, idly roam, But mount our deeds and travel home. [ 202 ] CHARACTER, IN THE MANNER OF CHAUCER. A Wight there was, fcarce known I ween to fame, Who day by day to Bathe's fam'd city came : Meagre, and veiy rueful were his looks, He feem'd as he had fed on naught but books. His old great coat, " which he could ne'er forfake, " Hung half before and half behind his back." Full threefcore fprings had bloflbm'd o'er his head,.. Yet nimble as a roebuck was his tread : For, * in his youth he ne'er did heat his blood With liquors hot, or high and lufcious food. Therefore his age like frofty winter paft, Hoary, but hale ; and healthy to the laft. " What! walk to Bath, fir?" cries fome gouty man,, w No, fir, quoth he, I did not walk I ran.'* * Shakefpeare.;. [ 2 3 J Sfe ftroll'd about, and travers'd many a ftreet: Eftfoons fome friend or dainty nymph wou'd greet ; With fcornful looks, by empty fops furvey'd By fcornful looks or fneers, he undifmay'd On matters deep or mus'd or feem'.d to -mufe, Then made an halt, then read or heard the news; Bought fome old book or print perchance, and then, Small bufimfs done, he travell'd home again. Such is the life of man, with bufy face, On trifles bent, he ftrolls from place to place ; With various fcenes of happinefs amus'd, By turns applauded and by turns abus'd. To forrow's fchool fent weeping from the womb, Spends his mort fpan then haftens to the tomb : Life's but a morning's lounge, unlefs confin'd To duty's path, and ufeful to mankind. C 204 j APPROACH OF WINTER, ALAS ! with what unwearied fpeed Revolves the circling year ! Seafons to feafons ftill fuccced Appear and difappear. The Spring, on balmy zephyrs borne, With rofes blooming round ; The Summer deck'd with ears of conv With fruits the Autumn crown'dj Again are fled and o'er the dawn Now murky fogs arife : The fun but faintly gilds the lawn, Then haftens down the fkies. The groves their leafy honours med,. No more their warblers fing: Each infect feeks his wintry bed,. To wait returning fpring, I 2 5 1 The plaintive Swallow now prepares To feek fome milder more > A gloomy face all nature wears, And pleafure is no more. Thus fly the cheerful days of man, Dull cares his thoughts engage : Each hour contracts his little fpan, And hurries on Old Age. Wrinkles his brow, grey hairs his hea4 5 Sharp pains his limbs invade: -His fpirits flag, his mirth is fled, And all his profpedts fade. From crowds, on airy proje&s bent, Let me in time retire; -And, with domeftick fcenes content, Enjoy my winter's fire. No more from flower to flower I'll range, But wait in calm repofe ; A torpid infect, till my change Some happier ftate difclofe. While thus the feafons reftlefs roll, And naught is conftant here, To endlefs blifs Hope wafts the foul Beyond the {tarry fphere. E 2:>6 j MARTIAL LIB. i. EP. i ADLIBRUM Argiletanas mavis ! Cum tibi, parve-liber, icrinia uoit IMI'T.i-TEJ). Jjflff^ TO HJS BOOK. in my de lie, you wifli, it feems, To tam'd Pa]l-Mail or Pater-nofter-Row, And mount a flielf beneath the fplendid works, Which eternize our Sidneys, Lockes, and Burkes. Alas! you know not the fafHdious looks, With which bold Britons* now perufe new books. Ali ' never fure were criticks more fevere : Even fchool-boys crifp the nofef and learn to fncer. UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LIBRARY Los Angeles UBW This book is DUE on the last date stamped below. i 8 1984 315 ^5==5l A 000 001 409 2 A\tf-t)NIVER% * S I*' S ^