GETRICH-QUICK 
 WALLINGFORD
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 LOS ANGELES 
 
 IN MEMORY OF 
 EDWIN CORLE 
 
 PRESENTED BY 
 JEAN CORLE
 
 "AND THE BATHROOM MUST HAVE A LARGE TUB"
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 A cheerful account of the rise and fall of 
 an American Business Buccaneer 
 
 By GEORGE RANDOLPH CHESTER 
 
 Author of 
 
 " The Making of Bobby Burnit," " The Cash Intrigue," 
 Etc. 
 
 WITH FOUR ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 A. L. BURT COMPANY 
 PUBLISHERS NEW YORK
 
 Copyright, 1907, by the Curtis Publishing Company 
 Copyright, 1908, by the Curtis Publishing Compw* 
 Copyright, 1908, by Howard E. Altemus 
 
 Published April, 1908
 
 TO THE LIVE BUSINESS MEN OF AMERICA THOSE 
 
 WHO HAVE BEEN " STUNG" AND THOSE WHO 
 
 HAVE YET TO UNDERGO THAT PAINFUL 
 
 EXPERIENCE THIS LITTLE TALE IS 
 
 SYMPATHETICALLY DEDICATED 
 
 2037970
 
 Contents 
 
 CHAPTER I. In Which J. Rufus Wallingford 
 
 Conceives a Brilliant Invention 9 
 
 CHAPTER II. Wherein Edward Lamb Beholds 
 the Amazing Profits of the Carpet-tack 
 Industry 21 
 
 CHAPTER III. Mr. Wallingford 's Lamb Is Care- 
 fully Inspired with a Flash of Creative 
 Genius 33 
 
 CHAPTER IV. J. Rufus Accepts a Temporary 
 
 Accommodation and Buys an Automobile. . 45 
 
 CHAPTER V. The Universal Covered Carpet Tack 
 
 Company Forms Amid Great Enthusiasm. . 58 
 
 CHAPTER VI. In Which an Astounding Revela- 
 tion Is Made Concerning J. Rufus 71 
 
 8
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER VII. Wherein the Great Taek In- 
 ventor Suddenly Decides to Change His 
 Location 93 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. Mr. Wallingford Takes a Dose 
 
 of His Own Bitter Medicine Ill 
 
 CHAPTER IX. Mr. Wallingf ord Shows Mr. Clover 
 How to Do the Widows and Orphans Good. . 129 
 
 CHAPTER X. An Amazing Combination of Phil- 
 anthropy and Profit is Inaugurated 140 
 
 CHAPTER XI. Neil Takes a Sudden Interest in 
 the Business, and Wallingf ord Lets Go .... 155 
 
 CHAPTER XII. Fate Arranges for J. Rufus an 
 Opportunity to Manufacture Sales Recorders 171 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. Mr. Wallingf ord Offers Unlim- 
 ited Financial Backing to a New Enterprise 187 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. Showing How Five Hundred 
 Dollars May Do the Work of Five Thousand 202 
 
 CHAPTER XV. Wallingford Generously Loans 
 The Pneumatic Company Some of Its Own 
 
 Money 215 
 
 6
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. The Financier Takes a Flying 
 
 Trip to Europe on an Affair of the Heart . . . 232 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. Wherein a Good Stomach for 
 
 Strong Drink is Worth Thousands of Dollars 246 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. The Town of Battlesburg 
 Finds a Private Railroad Car in Its Midst! 256 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. Mr. Wallingford Wins the Town 
 of Battlesburg by the Toss of a Coin 273 
 
 CHAPTER XX. Battlesburg Smells Money and 
 
 Plunges into a Mad Orgie of Speculation . . . 293 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. In Which the Sheep Are 
 Sheared and Skinned and Their Hides 
 Tanned 310 
 
 CHAPTER XXII. J. Rufus Prefers Farming in 
 
 America to Promoting in Europe 330 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. A Corner on Farmers is 
 Formed and It Beholds a Most Wonderful 
 Vision 347 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. The Farmers' Commercial 
 Association Does Terrific Things to the 
 Board of Trade 365 
 
 7
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. Mr. Fox Solves His Great 
 Problem and Mr. Wallingford Falls "With a 
 Thud 383 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. J. Rufus Scents a Fortune in 
 
 Smoke and Lets Mr. Nickel See the Flames 399 
 
 CHAPTER XXVII. Mr. Wallingford Gambles a 
 Bit and Picks Up an Unsolicited Partner. . 414 
 
 CHAPTER XXVIII. Wherein Mr. Wallingford 
 Joins the Largest Club in the World 431
 
 GET-RICH-QJJICK 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 CHAPTEE I 
 
 IN WHICH J. BUFUS WALLINGFOBD eONOEIVES A 
 BRILLIANT INVENTION 
 
 THE mud was black and oily where it 
 spread thinly at the edges of the as- 
 phalt, and wherever it touched it left 
 a stain; it was upon the leather of 
 every pedestrian, even the most fastidious, and 
 it bordered with almost laughable conspicuous- 
 ness the higher marking of yellow clay upon 
 the heavy shoes of David Jasper, where he 
 stood at the curb in front of the big hotel with 
 his young friend, Edward Lamb. Absorbed in 
 ''lodge," talk, neither of the oddly assorted 
 cronies cared much for drizzle overhead or 
 mire underfoot; but a splash of black mud in 
 the face must necessarily command some at- 
 tention. This surprise came suddenly to both 
 from the circumstance of a cab having dashed 
 
 9
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 up just beside them. Their resentment, bub- 
 bling hot for a moment, was quickly chilled, 
 however, as the cab door opened and out of it 
 stepped one of those impressive beings for 
 whom the best things of this world have been 
 especially made and provided. He was a large 
 gentleman, a suave gentleman, a gentleman 
 whose clothes not merely fit him but distin- 
 guished him, a gentleman of rare good living, 
 even though one of the sort whose faces turn 
 red when they eat; and the dignity of his 
 worldly prosperousness surrounded him like a 
 blessed aura. Without a glance at the two 
 plain citizens who stood mopping the mud from 
 their faces, he strode majestically into the hotel, 
 leaving Mr. David Jasper and Mr. Edward 
 Lamb out in the rain. 
 
 The clerk kowtowed to the signature, though 
 he had never seen nor heard of it before " J. 
 Kufus Wallingford, Boston. " His eyes, how- 
 ever, had noted a few things: traveling suit, 
 scarf pin, watch guard, ring, hatbox, suit case, 
 bag, all expensive and of the finest grade. 
 
 " Sitting room and bedroom; outside!" di- 
 rected Mr. Wallingford. "And the bathroom 
 must have a large tub." 
 
 The clerk ventured a comprehending smile as 
 he noted the bulk before him. 
 
 10
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 "Certainly, Mr. Wallingford. Boy, key for 
 44- A. Anything else, Mr. Wallingford?" 
 
 "Send up a waiter and a valet." 
 
 Once more the clerk permitted himself a 
 slight smile, but this time it was as his large 
 guest turned away. He had not the slightest 
 doubt that Mr. Wallingford 's bill would be 
 princely, he was positive that it would be paid ; 
 but a vague wonder had crossed his mind as 
 to who would regrettingly pay it. His pene- 
 tration was excellent, for at this very moment 
 the new arrival's entire capitalized worth was 
 represented by the less than one hundred dol- 
 lars he carried in his pocket, nor had Mr. Wal- 
 lingford the slightest idea of where he was to 
 get more. This latter circumstance did not dis- 
 tress him, however ; he knew that there was still 
 plenty of money in the world and that none of 
 it was soldered on, and a reflection of this com- 
 fortable philosophy was in his whole bearing. 
 As he strode in pomp across the lobby, a score 
 of bellboys, with a carefully trained scent for 
 tips, envied the cheerfully grinning servitor 
 who followed him to the elevator with his 
 luggage. 
 
 Just as the bellboy was inserting the key in 
 the lock of 44-A, a tall, slightly built man 
 in a glove-fitting black frock suit, a quite 
 
 11
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 ministerial-looking man, indeed, had it not 
 been for the startling effect of his extrava- 
 gantly curled black mustache and his pierc- 
 ing black eyes, came down the hallway, so 
 abstracted that he had almost passed Mr. 
 Wallingford. The latter, however, had eyes 
 for everything. 
 
 "What's the hurry, Blackie?" he inquired 
 affably. 
 
 The other wheeled instantly, with the snappy 
 alertness of a man who has grown of habit to 
 hold himself in readiness against sudden sur- 
 prises from any quarter. 
 
 "Hello, J. Bufus!" he exclaimed, and shook 
 hands. "Boston squeezed dry?" 
 
 Mr. Wallingford chuckled with a cumbrous 
 heaving of his shoulders. 
 
 "Just threw the rind away,'* he confessed. 
 "Come in." 
 
 Mr. Daw, known as "Blackie" to a small but 
 select circle of gentlemen who make it their 
 business to rescue and put carefully hoarded 
 money back into rapid circulation, dropped 
 moodily into a chair and sat considering his 
 well-manicured finger-nails in glum silence, 
 while his masterful host disposed of the bell- 
 boy and the valet. 
 
 "Had your dinner?" inquired Mr. Walling- 
 
 12
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 ford as he donned the last few garments of a 
 fresh suit. 
 
 "Not yet," growled the other. "I've got 
 such a grouch against myself I won't even feed 
 right, for fear I'd enjoy it. On the cheaps for 
 the last day, too." 
 
 Mr. Wallingf ord laughed and shook his head. 
 
 "I'm clean myself," he hastened to inform 
 his friend. "If I have a hundred I'm a mil- 
 lionaire, but I'm coming and you're going, and 
 we don't look at that settle-up ceremony the 
 same way. What's the matter?" 
 
 "I'm the goat!" responded Blackie moodily. 
 "The original goat! Came clear out here to 
 trim a sucker that looked good by mail, and 
 have swallowed so much of that citric fruit that 
 if I scrape myself my skin spurts lemon juice. 
 Say, do I look like a come-on?" 
 
 "If you only had the shaving-brush goatee, 
 Blackie, I'd try to make you bet on the loca- 
 tion of the little pea," gravely responded his 
 friend. 
 
 "That's right; rub it in!" exclaimed the dis- 
 gruntled one. "Massage me with it! Jimmy, 
 if I could take off my legs, I'd kick myself 
 with them from here to Boston and never lose 
 a stroke. And me wise!" 
 
 "But where >s the fire?" asked J. Eufus, 
 
 13
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 bringing the end of his collar to place with a 
 dexterous jerk. 
 
 "This lamb I came out to shear rot him 
 and burn him and scatter his ashes ! Before I 
 went dippy over two letter-heads and a nice 
 round signature, I ordered an extra safety- 
 deposit vault back home and came on to take 
 his bank roll and house and lot, and make him 
 a present of his clothes if he behaved. But not 
 so! Not so! Jimmy, this whole town blew 
 right over from out of the middle of Missouri 
 in the last cyclone. You've got to show 
 everybody, and then turn it over and let 
 'em see the other side, and I haven't met 
 the man yet that you could separate from a 
 dollar without chloroform and an ax. Let 
 me tell you what to do with that hundred, 
 J. Rufe. Just get on the train and give it 
 to the conductor, and tell him to take you 
 as far ay-way from here as the money will 
 reach!'* 
 
 Mr. Wallingford settled his cravat tastefully 
 and smiled at himself in the glass. 
 
 "I like the place," he observed. "They 
 have tall buildings here, and I smell soft money. 
 This town will listen to a legitimate business 
 proposition. What?" 
 
 "Like the milk-stopper industry?" inquired 
 
 14
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Mr. Daw, grinning appreciatively. "How is 
 your Boston corporation coming on, anyhow?" 
 
 "It has even quit holding the bag," re- 
 sponded the other, "because there isn't any- 
 thing left of the bag. The last I saw of them, 
 the thin and feeble stockholders were chasing 
 themselves around in circles, so I faded away. ' ' 
 
 "You're a wonder," complimented the black- 
 haired man with genuine admiration. "You 
 never take a chance, yet get away with every- 
 thing in sight, and you never leave 'em an open- 
 ing to put the funny clothes on you." 
 
 "I deal in nothing but straight commercial 
 propositions that are strictly within the pale of 
 the law," said J. Eufus without a wink; "and 
 even at that they can't say I took anything 
 away from Boston." 
 
 "Don't blame Boston. You never cleaned 
 up a cent less than five thousand a month while 
 you were there, and if you spent it, that was 
 your lookout." 
 
 "I had to live." 
 
 "So do the suckers," sagely observed Mr. 
 Daw, "but they manage it on four cents' worth 
 of prunes a day, and save up their money for 
 good people. How is Mrs. Wallingf ord ? " 
 
 "All others are base imitations," boasted the 
 large man, pausing to critically consider the 
 
 15
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 flavor of his champagne. "Just now, Fanny's 
 in New York, eating up her diamonds. She 
 was swallowing the last of the brooch when I 
 left her, and this morning she was to begin on 
 the necklace. That ought to last her quite some 
 days, and by that time J. Rufus expects to be 
 on earth again." 
 
 A waiter came to the door with a menu card, 
 and Mr. Wallingford ordered, to be ready to 
 serve in three quarters of an hour, at a choice 
 table near the music, a dinner for two that 
 would gladden the heart of any tip-hunter. 
 
 "How soon are you going back to Boston, 
 Blackie?" 
 
 "To-night!" snapped the other. "I was go- 
 ing to take a train that makes it in nineteen 
 hours, but I found there is one that makes it 
 in eighteen and a half, so I'm going to take 
 that; and when I get back where the police are 
 satisfied with half, I'm not going out after the 
 emerald paper any more. I'm going to make 
 them bring it to me. It's always the best way. 
 I never went after money yet that they didn't 
 ask me why I wanted it." 
 
 The large man laughed with his eyes closed. 
 
 "Honestly, Blackie, you ought to go into le- 
 gitimate business enterprises. That's the only 
 game. You can get anybody to buy stock when 
 
 16
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 you make them print it themselves, if you'll 
 only bait up with some little staple article that 
 people use and throw away every day, like ice- 
 cream pails, or corks, or cigar bands, or or 
 or carpet tacks." Having sought about the 
 room for this last illustration, Mr. Walling- 
 ford became suddenly inspired, and, arising, 
 went over to the edge of the carpet, where he 
 gazed down meditatively for a moment. ' l Now, 
 look at this, for instance!" he said with final 
 enthusiasm. "See this swell red carpet fas- 
 tened down with rusty tacks'? There's the 
 chance. Suppose those tacks were covered 
 with red cloth to match the carpet. Blackie, 
 that's my next invention." 
 
 "Maybe there are covered carpet tacks," ob- 
 served his friend, with but languid interest. 
 
 "What do I care?" rejoined Mr. Walling- 
 ford. "A man can always get a patent, and 
 that's all I need, even if it's one you can throw 
 a cat through. The company can fight the pat- 
 ent after I'm out of it. You wouldn't expect 
 me to fasten myself down to the grease-cov- 
 ered details of an actual manufacturing busi- 
 ness, would you?" 
 
 "Not any!" rejoined the dark one emphat- 
 ically. "You're all right, J. Eufus. I'd go 
 into your business myself if I wasn't honest. 
 
 aWallingford 17 

 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 But, on the level, what do you expect to 
 do here?" 
 
 " Organize the Universal Covered Carpet 
 Tack Company. I'll begin to-morrow morning. 
 Give me the list you couldn't use." 
 
 "Don't get in bad from the start," warned 
 Mr. Daw. "Tackle fresh ones. The particular 
 piece of Roquefort, though, that fooled me into 
 a Pullman compartment and kept me grinning 
 like a drunken hyena all the way here, was a 
 pinhead by the name of Edward Lamb. When 
 Eddy fell for an inquiry about Billion Strike 
 gold stock, he wrote on the firm's stationery, 
 all printed in seventeen colors and embossed 
 so it made holes in the envelopes when the can- 
 cellation stamp came down. From the tone of 
 Eddy's letter I thought he was about ready to 
 mortgage father's business to buy Billion 
 Strike, and I came on to help him do it. Hon- 
 est, J. Bufus, wouldn't it strike you that Lamb 
 was a good name ? Couldn 't you hear it bleat I ' ' 
 
 Mr. Wallingford shook silently, the more so 
 that there was no answering gleam of mirth in 
 Mr. Daw's savage visage. 
 
 "Say, do you know what I found when I got 
 here!" went on BlacMe still more ferociously. 
 "I found he was a piker bookkeeper, but with 
 five thousand dollars that he'd wrenched out 
 
 18
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 of his own pay envelope, a pinch at a clip ; and 
 every time he takes a dollar out of his pocket 
 his fingers creak. His whole push is like him, 
 too, but I never got any further than Eddy. 
 He's not merely Johnny Wise he's the whole 
 Wise family, and it's only due to my Christian 
 bringing up that I didn't swat him with a brick 
 during our last little chatter when I saw it all 
 fade away. Do you know what he wanted me 
 to do? He wanted me to prove to him that 
 there actually was a Billion Strike mine, and 
 that gold had been found in it!" 
 
 Mr. Wallingford had ceased to laugh. He 
 was soberly contemplating. 
 
 "Your Lamb is my mutton," he finally con- 
 cluded, pressing his finger tips together. 
 "He'll listen to a legitimate business proposi- 
 tion." 
 
 "Don't make me fuss with you, J. Bufus," 
 admonished Mr. Daw. "Remember, I'm go- 
 ing away to-night," and he arose. 
 
 Mr. Wallingford arose with him. "By the 
 way, of course I'll want to refer to you; how 
 many addresses have you besides the Billion 
 Strike? A mention of that would probably get 
 me arrested." 
 
 "Four: the Mexican and Eio Grande Eubber 
 Company, Tremont Building; the St. John's 
 
 19
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 Blood Orange Plantation Company, 643 Third 
 Street ; the Los Pocos Lead Development Com- 
 pany, 868 Schuttle Avenue, and the Sierra Cin- 
 nabar Grant, Schuttle Square, all of which ad- 
 dresses will reach me at my little old desk-room 
 corner in 1126 Tremont Building, Third and 
 Schuttle Avenues; and I'll answer letters of 
 inquiry on four different letter-heads. If you 
 need more I'll post Billy Riggs over in the 
 Cloud Block and fix it for another four or 
 five." 
 
 "I'll write Billy a letter myself,'* observed 
 J. Eufus. "I'll need all the references I can 
 get when I come to organize the Universal Cov- 
 ered Carpet Tack Company." 
 
 "Quit kidding," retorted Mr. Daw. 
 
 "It's on the level," insisted J. Rufus seri- 
 ously. "Let's go down to dinner." 
 
 20 
 
 J
 
 CHAPTER II 
 
 WHEREIN EDWARD LAMB BEHOLDS THE AMAZING 
 PROFITS OF THE CARPET-TACK INDUSTRY 
 
 THERE were twenty-four applicants for 
 the position before Edward Lamb ap- 
 peared, the second day after the initial 
 insertion of the advertisement which 
 had been designed to meet his eye alone. David 
 Jasper, who read his paper advertisements and 
 all, in order to get the full worth of his money 
 out of it, telephoned to his friend Edward about 
 the glittering chance. 
 
 Yes, Mr. Wallingford was in his suite. 
 Would the gentleman give his name? Mr. 
 Lamb produced a card, printed in careful imi- 
 tation of engraving, and it gained him admis- 
 sion to the august presence, where he created 
 some surprise by a sudden burst of laughter. 
 "Ex-cuse me!" he exclaimed. "But you're 
 the man that splashed mud on me the other 
 night I " 
 
 When the circumstance was related, Mr. 
 Wallingford laughed with great gusto and 
 shook hands for the second time with his vis- 
 
 21
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 itor. The incident helped them to get upon a 
 most cordial footing at once. It did not occur 
 to either of them, at the time, how appropriate 
 it was that Mr. Wallingford should splash mud 
 upon Mr. Lamb at their very first meeting. 
 
 "What can I do for you, Mr. Lamb?" in- 
 quired the large man. 
 
 "You advertised " began the caller. 
 
 "Oh, you came about that position," depre- 
 cated Mr. Wallingford, with a nicely shaded 
 tone of courteous disappointment in his voice. 
 "I am afraid that I am already fairly well 
 suited, although I have made no final choice as 
 yet. What are your qualifications'?" 
 
 "There will be no trouble about that," re- 
 turned Mr. Lamb, straightening visibly. "I 
 can satisfy anybody." And Mr. Wallingford 
 had the keynote for which he was seeking. 
 
 He knew at once that Mr. Lamb prided him- 
 self upon his independence, upon his local 
 standing, upon his efficiency, upon his business 
 astuteness. The observer had also the experi- 
 ence of Mr. Daw to guide him, and, moreover, 
 better than all, here was Mr. Lamb himself. He 
 was a broad-shouldered young man, who stood 
 well upon his two feet ; he dressed with a proper 
 and decent pride in his prosperity, and wore 
 looped upon his vest a watch chain that by its 
 
 22
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 very weight bespoke the wearer's solid worth. 
 The young man was an open book, whereof the 
 pages were embossed in large type. 
 
 "Now you're talking like the right man," 
 said the prospective employer. "Sit down. 
 You'll understand, Mr. Lamb, that my question 
 was only a natural one, for I am quite particular 
 about this position, which is the most important 
 one I have to fill. Our business is to be a large 
 one. We are to conduct an immense plant in 
 this city, and I want the office work organized 
 with a thorough system from the beginning. 
 The duties, consequently, would begin at once. 
 The man who would become secretary of the 
 Universal Covered Carpet Tack Company, 
 would need to know all about the concern from 
 its very inception, and until I have secured 
 that exact man I shall take no steps toward 
 organization. ' ' 
 
 Word by word, Mr. Wallingford watched the 
 face of Edward Lamb and could see that he was 
 succumbing to the mental chloroform. How- 
 ever, a man who at thirty has accumulated five 
 thousand is not apt to be numbed without 
 struggling. 
 
 "Before we go any further," interposed the 
 patient, with deep, deep shrewdness, "it must 
 be understood that I have no money to invest." 
 
 23
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 "Exactly," agreed Mr. Wallingford. "I 
 stated that in my advertisement. To become 
 secretary it will be necessary to hold one share 
 of stock, but that share I shall give to the right 
 applicant. I do not care for Mm to have any 
 investment in the company. What I want is 
 the services of the best man in the city, and 
 to that end I advertised for one who had been 
 an expert bookkeeper and who knew all the of- 
 fice routine of conducting a large business, 
 agreeing to start such a man with a salary of 
 two hundred dollars a month. That advertise- 
 ment stated in full all that I expect from the 
 one who secures this position his expert serv- 
 ices. I may say that you are only the second 
 candidate who has had the outward appearance 
 of being able to fulfill the requirements. Actual 
 efficiency would naturally have to be shown." 
 
 Mr. Wallingford was now quite coldly insist- 
 ent. The proper sleep had been induced. 
 
 "For fifteen years," Mr. Lamb now hastened 
 to advise him, "I have been employed by the 
 A. J. Dorman Manufacturing Company, and can 
 refer you to them for everything you wish to 
 know. I can give you other references as to 
 reliability if you like." 
 
 Mr. Wallingford was instant warmth. 
 
 "The A. J. Dorman Company, indeed!" he 
 
 24
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 exclaimed, though he had never heard of that 
 concern. "The name itself is guarantee 
 enough, at least to defer such matters for a bit 
 while I show you the industry that is to be 
 built in your city. ' ' From his dresser Mr. Wal- 
 lingford produced a handful of tacks, the head 
 of each one covered with a bit of different- 
 colored bright cloth. "You have only to look 
 at these," he continued, holding them forth, 
 and with the thumb and forefinger of the other 
 hand turning one red-topped tack about in 
 front of Mr. Lamb 's eyes, ' ' to appreciate to the 
 full what a wonderful business certainty I am 
 preparing to launch. Just hold these tacks a 
 moment," and he turned the handful into Mr. 
 Lamb's outstretched palm. "Now come over 
 to the edge of this carpet. I have selected here 
 a tack which matches this floor covering. You 
 see those rusty heads? Imagine the difference 
 if they were replaced by this!" 
 
 Mr. Lamb looked and saw, but it was neces- 
 sary to display his business acumen. 
 
 "Looks like a good, thing," he commented; 
 "but the cost?" 
 
 "The cost is comparatively nothing over the 
 old steel tack, although we can easily get ten 
 cents a paper as against five for the common 
 ones, leaving us a much wider margin of profit 
 
 25
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 than the manufacturers of the straight tack ob- 
 tain. There is no family so poor that will use 
 the old, rusty tinned or bronze tack when these 
 are made known to the trade, and you can easily 
 compute for yourself how many millions of 
 packages are used every year. Why, the 
 Eureka Tack Company, which practically has 
 a monopoly of the carpet-tack business, oper- 
 ates a manufacturing plant covering twenty 
 solid acres, and a loaded freight car leaves its 
 warehouse doors on an average of every seven 
 minutes! You cannot buy a share of stock in 
 the Eureka Carpet Tack Company at any price. 
 It yields sixteen per cent, a year dividends, 
 with over eighteen million dollars of undivided 
 surplus and that business was built on carpet 
 tacks alone! Why, sir, if we wished to do so, 
 within two months after we had started our 
 factory wheels rolling we could sell out to the 
 Eureka Company for two million dollars; or 
 a profit of more than one thousand per cent, on 
 the investment that we are to make.'* 
 
 For once Mr. Lamb was overwhelmed. Only 
 three days before he had been beset by Mr. Daw, 
 but that gentleman had grown hoarsely elo- 
 quent over vast possessions that were beyond 
 thousands of miles of circumambient space, 
 across vast barren reaches where desert sands 
 
 26
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 sent up constant streams of superheated atmos- 
 phere, with the "hot air" distinctly to be traced 
 throughout the conversation; but here was 
 something to be seen and felt. The points of the 
 very tacks that he held pricked his palm, and 
 his eyes were still glued upon the red-topped 
 one which Mr. Wallingford held hypnotically 
 before him. 
 
 "Who composes your company?" he man- 
 aged to ask. 
 
 "So far, I do," replied Mr. Wallingford with 
 quiet pride. * ' I have not organized the company. 
 That is a minor detail. When I go searching 
 for capital I shall know where to secure it. I 
 have chosen this city on account of its manu- 
 facturing facilities, and for its splendid geo- 
 graphical position as a distributing center." 
 
 "The stock is not yet placed, then," mused 
 aloud Mr. Lamb, upon whose vision there al- 
 ready glowed a pleasing picture of immense 
 profits. 
 
 Why, the thing was startling in the magnifi- 
 cence of its opportunity! Simple little trick, 
 millions and millions used, better than anything 
 of its kind ever put upon the market, cheaply 
 manufactured, it was marked for success from 
 the first! 
 
 "Stock placed? Not at all," stated Mr. 
 
 27
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 Wallingford. "My plans only contemplate in- 
 corporating for a quarter of a million, and I 
 mean to avoid small stockholders. I shall try 
 to divide the stock into, say, about ten holdings 
 of twenty-five thousand each. ' ' 
 
 Mr. Lamb was visibly disappointed. 
 
 "It looks like a fine thing," he declared with 
 a note of regret. 
 
 "Fine? My boy, I'm not much older than 
 you are, but I have been connected with several 
 large enterprises in Boston and elsewhere if 
 any one were to care to inquire about me they 
 might drop a line to the Mexican and Eio 
 Grande Eubber Company, the St. John's Blood 
 Orange Plantation Company, the Los Pocos 
 Lead Development Company, the Sierra Cinna- 
 bar Grant, and a number of others, the addresses 
 of which I could supply and I never have seen 
 anything so good as this. I am staking my 
 entire business judgment upon it, and, of 
 course, I shall retain the majority of stock 
 myself, inasmuch as the article is my in- 
 vention." 
 
 This being the psychological moment, Mr. 
 Wallingford put forth his hand and had Mr. 
 Lamb dump the tacks back into the large palm 
 that had at first held them. He left them open 
 to view, however, and presently Mr. Lamb
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 picked out one of them for examination. This 
 particular tack was of an exquisite apple-green 
 color, the covering for which had been clipped 
 from one of Mr. Wallingf ord 's own expensive 
 ties, glued to its place and carefully trimmed 
 by Mr. Wallingf ord 's own hands. Mr. Lamb 
 took it to the window for closer admiration, 
 and the promoter, left to himself for a moment, 
 stood before the glass to mop his face and head 
 and neck. He had been working until he had 
 perspired; but, looking into the glass at Mr. 
 Lamb's rigid back, he perceived that the work 
 was well done. Mr. Lamb was profoundly con- 
 vinced that the Universal Covered Carpet Tack 
 Company was an entity to be respected; nay, 
 to be revered! Mr. Lamb could already see 
 the smoke belching from the tall chimneys of 
 its factory, the bright lights gleaming out from 
 its myriad windows where it was working over- 
 time, the thousands of workmen streaming in 
 at its broad gates, the loaded freight cars leav- 
 ing every seven minutes! 
 
 "You're not going home to dinner, are you, 
 Mr. Lamb?" asked Mr. Wallingf ord suddenly. 
 "I owe you one for the splash, you know." 
 "Why I'm expected home." 
 "Telephone them you're not coming." 
 "We we haven't a telephone in the house." 
 
 29
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "Telephone to the nearest drug store and 
 send a messenger over." 
 
 Mr. Lamb looked down at himself. He was 
 always neatly dressed, but he did not feel equal 
 to the glitter of the big dining room downstairs. 
 
 "I am not cleaned up," he objected. 
 
 "Nonsense! However, as far as that goes, 
 we'll have 'em bring a table right here." And, 
 taking the matter into his own hands, Mr. Wal- 
 lingford telephoned for a waiter. 
 
 From that moment Mr. Lamb strove not to 
 show his wonder at the heights to which human 
 comfort and luxury can attain, but it was a vain 
 attempt; for from the time the two uniformed 
 attendants brought in the table with its snowy 
 cloth and began to place upon it the shining 
 silver and cut-glass service, with the center- 
 piece of red carnations, he began to grasp at a 
 new world and it was about this time that he 
 wished he had on his best black suit. In the 
 bathroom Mr. Wallingford came upon him as 
 he held his collar ruefully in his hand, and 
 needed no explanation. 
 
 "I say, old man, we can't keep 'em clean, 
 can we? We'll fix that." 
 
 The bellboys were anxious to answer summons 
 from 44-A by this time. Mr. Wallingford never 
 used money in a hotel except for tips. It was 
 
 so
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 scarcely a minute until a boy had that collar, 
 with instructions to get another just like it. 
 
 "How are the cuffs? Attached, old man? 
 All right. What size shirt do you wear?" 
 
 Mr. Lamb gave up. He was now past the 
 point of protest. He told Mr. Wallingford the 
 number of his shirt. In five minutes more he 
 was completely outfitted with clean linen, and 
 when, washed and refreshed and spotless as to 
 high lights, he stepped forth into what was 
 now a perfectly appointed private dining 
 room, he felt himself gradually rising to Mr. 
 Wallingford 's own height and able to be 
 supercilious to the waiters, under whose gaze, 
 while his collar was soiled, he had quailed. 
 
 It was said by those who made a business of 
 dining that Mr. Wallingford could order a 
 dinner worth while, except for the one trifling 
 fault of over-plenty; but then, Mr. Wallingford 
 himself was a large man, and it took much food 
 and drink to sustain that largeness. What- 
 ever other critics might have said, Mr. Lamb 
 could have but one opinion as they 'sipped their 
 champagne, toward the end of the meal, and 
 this opinion was that Mr. Wallingford was a 
 genius, a prince of entertainers, a master of 
 finance, a gentleman to be imitated in every 
 particular, and that a man should especially 
 
 31
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 blush to question his financial standing or in- 
 tegrity. 
 
 They went to the theater after dinner box 
 seats and after the theater they had a little 
 cold snack, amounting to about eleven dollars, 
 including wine and cigars. Moreover, Mr. 
 Lamb had gratefully accepted the secretary- 
 ship of the Universal Covered Carpet Tack 
 Company.
 
 CHAPTEE rn 
 
 MB. WALLINGFOBD'S LAMB is CAREFULLY INSPIBED 
 
 WITH A FLASH OF CBEATIVE GENIUS 
 
 r I "^HE next morning, in spite of protests 
 and warnings from his employer, Mr. 
 Lamb resigned his position with the 
 A. J. Dorman Company, and, jumping 
 on a car, rode out to the far North Side, where 
 he called at David Jasper 's tumble-down frame 
 house. On either side of this were three neat 
 houses that David had built, one at a time, on 
 land he had bought for a song in his younger 
 days ; but these were for renting purposes. 
 David lived in the old one for exactly the same 
 reason that he wore the frayed overcoat and 
 slouch hat that had done him duty for many 
 years they made him as comfortable as new 
 ones, and appearances fed no one nor kept 
 anybody warm. 
 
 Wholesome Ella Jasper met the caller at the 
 
 door with an inward cordiality entirely out of 
 
 proportion to even a close friend of the family, 
 
 but her greeting was commonplaceness itself. 
 
 "Father's just over to Kriegler's, getting his 
 
 3Wallingfard 33
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 glass of beer and his lunch," she observed as 
 he shook hands warmly with her. Sometimes 
 she wished that he were not quite so meaning- 
 lessly cordial; that he could be either a bit 
 more shy or a bit more bold in his greeting 
 of her. 
 
 "I might have known that," he laughed, 
 looking at his watch. "Half -past ten. I'll 
 hurry right over there," and he was gone. 
 
 Ella stood in the doorway and looked after 
 him until he had turned the corner of the house; 
 then she sighed and went back to her baking. 
 A moment later she was singing cheerfully. 
 
 It was a sort of morning lunch club of elderly 
 men, all of the one lodge, the one building as- 
 sociation, the one manner of life, which met 
 over at Kriegler's, and "Eddy" was compelled 
 to sit with them for nearly an hour of slow 
 beer, while politics, municipal, state and 
 national, was thoroughly thrashed out, before 
 he could get his friend David to himself. 
 
 "Well, what brings you out so early, Eddy?" 
 asked the old harness maker on the walk home. 
 "Got a new gold-mining scheme again to put 
 us all in the poorhouse?" 
 
 Eddy laughed. 
 
 "You don't remember of the kid-glove miner 
 taking anybody's money away, do you?" he 
 
 34
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 demanded. "I guess your old chum Eddy saw 
 through the grindstone that time, eh?" 
 
 Mr. Jasper laughed and pounded him a 
 sledge-hammer blow upon the shoulder. It 
 was intended as a mere pat of approval. 
 
 ''You're all right, Eddy. The only trouble 
 with you is that you don't get married. You'll 
 be an old bachelor before you know it." 
 
 "So you've said before," laughed Eddy, 
 "but I can't find the girl that will have me." 
 
 "I'll speak to Ella for you." 
 
 The younger man laughed lightly again. 
 
 "She's my sister," he said gayly. "I 
 wouldn't lose my sister for anything." 
 
 David frowned a little and shook his head to 
 himself, but he said nothing more, though the 
 wish was close to his heart. He thought he 
 was tactful. 
 
 "No, I've got that new job," went on young 
 Lamb. "Another man from Boston, too. I'm 
 in charge of the complete office organization of 
 a brand-new manufacturing business that's to 
 start up here. Two hundred dollars a month to 
 begin. How's that!" 
 
 "Fine," said David. "Enough to marry on. 
 But it sounds too good. Is he a sharper, too?" 
 
 "He don't need to be. He seems to have 
 plenty of money, and the article he's going to 
 
 35
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 start manufacturing is so good that it will pay 
 him better to be honest than to be crooked. I 
 don't see where the man could go wrong. Why, 
 look here ! ' ' and from his vest pocket he pulled 
 an orange-headed tack. ''Carpet tack 
 covered with any color you want same color 
 as your carpet so the tacks don't show only 
 cost a little bit more than the cheap ones. Don't 
 you think it's a good thing?" 
 
 David stopped in the middle of the sidewalk 
 and put on his spectacles to examine the trifle 
 critically. 
 
 "Is that all he's going to make just tacks?" 
 
 "Just tacks!" exclaimed the younger man. 
 "Why, Dave, the Eureka Tack Company, that 
 has a practical monopoly now of the tack busi- 
 ness in this country, occupies a plant covering 
 twenty acres. It employs thousands of men. 
 It makes sixteen per cent, a year dividends, 
 and has millions of dollars surplus in its 
 treasury undivided profits! Long freight 
 trains leave its warehouses every day, loaded 
 down with nothing but tacks; and that's 
 all they make just tacks! Why, think, 
 Dave, of how many millions of tacks are 
 pulled out of carpets and thrown away every 
 spring ! ' ' 
 
 Mr. Jasper was still examining the tack from 
 
 36
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 head to point with deep interest. Now he 
 drew a long breath and handed it back. 
 
 "It's a big thing, even if it is little," he ad- 
 mitted. "Watch out for the man, though. 
 Does he want any money?" 
 
 "Not a cent. Why, any money I've got he'd 
 laugh at. I couldn't give him any. He's a 
 rich man, and able to start his own factory. 
 He's going to organize a quarter of a million 
 stock company and keep the majority of the 
 stock himself." 
 
 ' ' It might be pretty good stock to buy, if you 
 could get some of it, ' ' decided Dave after some 
 slow pondering. 
 
 "I wish I could, but there is no chance. 
 What stock he issues is only to be put out in 
 twenty-five-thousand-dollar lots. ' ' 
 
 Again David Jasper sighed. Sixteen per 
 cent, a year! He was thinking now of what a 
 small margin of profit his houses left him after 
 repairs and taxes were paid. 
 
 "It looks to me like you'd struck it rich, my 
 boy. Well, you deserve it. You have worked 
 hard and saved your money. You know, when 
 I got married I had nothing but a set of harness 
 tools and the girl, and we got along." 
 
 "Look here, Dave," laughed his younger 
 friend, whose thirty years were unbelievable in 
 
 37
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 that he still looked so much like a boy, "some 
 of these days I will hunt up a girl and get mar- 
 ried, just to make you keep still about it, and 
 if I have any trouble I'll throw it up to you as 
 long as you live. But what do you think of 
 this chance of mine? That's what I came out 
 for to get your opinion on it." 
 
 "Well," drawled Dave, cautious now that 
 the final judgment was to be pronounced, "you 
 want to remember that you're giving up a good 
 job that has got better and better every year 
 and that will most likely get still better every 
 year; but, if you can start at two hundred a 
 month, and are sure you're going to get it, and 
 the man don't want any money, and he isn't a 
 sharper, why, it looks like it was too good to 
 miss." 
 
 "That's what I think," rejoined Mr. Lamb 
 enthusiastically. "Well, I must go now. I 
 want to see Mr. Lewis and John Nolting and 
 one or two of the others, and get their advice, ' ' 
 and he swung jubilantly on a car. 
 
 It was a pleasant figment this, Eddy Lamb's 
 plan of consulting his older friends. He always 
 went to them most scrupulously to get their ad- 
 vice, and afterward did as he pleased. He was 
 too near the soil, however only one generation 
 away to make many mistakes in the matter 
 
 38
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 of caution, and so far lie had swung his little 
 financial ventures with such great success that 
 he had begun to be conceited. 
 
 He found Mr. Wallingford at the hotel, but 
 not waiting for him by any means. Mr. Wal- 
 lingford was very busy with correspondence 
 which, since part of it was to his wife and to 
 "Blackie" Daw, was entirely too personal to be 
 trusted to a public stenographer, and he frown- 
 ingly placed his caller near the window with 
 some new samples of tacks he had made that 
 morning; then, for fifteen minutes, he silently 
 wrote straight on, a course which allowed Mr. 
 Lamb the opportunity to reflect that he was, 
 after all, not entitled to have worn that air of 
 affable familiarity with which he had come into 
 the room. In closing his letter to Mr. Daw the 
 writer added a postscript : ' l The Lamb is here, 
 and I am now sharpening the shears. ' ' 
 
 His letters finished and a swift boy called to 
 despatch them, Mr. Wallingford drew a chair 
 soberly to the opposite side of the little table 
 at which he had seated Mr. Laanb. Like every 
 great captain of finance, he turned his back to 
 the window so that his features were in shadow, 
 while the wide-set, open eyes of Mr. Lamb, 
 under their good, broad brow, blinked into the 
 full light of day, which revealed for minute
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 stndy every wrinkle of expression in his fea- 
 tures. 
 
 "I forgot to warn you of one thing last night, 
 and I hope you have not talked too much," 
 Mr. Wallingford hegan with great seriousness. 
 "I reposed such confidence in you that I did not 
 think of caution, a confidence that was justified, 
 for from such inquiries as I have made this 
 morning I am perfectly satisfied with your 
 record and, by the way, Mr. Lamb, while we 
 are upon this subject, here is a list of refer- 
 ences to some of whom I must insist that you 
 write, for my own satisfaction if not for yours. 
 But now to the main point. The thing I omit- 
 ted to warn you about is this," and here he 
 sank his voice to a quite confidential tone: "I 
 have not yet applied for letters patent upon 
 this device." 
 
 "You have not?" exclaimed Mr. Lamb in 
 surprise. The revelation rather altered his es- 
 timate of Mr. Wallingford 's great business 
 ability. 
 
 "No," confessed the latter. "You can see 
 how much I trust you, to tell you this, because, 
 if you did not know, you would naturally sup- 
 pose that the patent was at least under way, 
 and I would be in no danger whatever; but I 
 am not yet satisfied on one point, and I want 
 
 40
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 the device perfect before I make application. 
 It has worried me quite a bit. You see, the 
 heads of these tacks are too smooth to retain 
 the cloth. It is very difficult to glue cloth to 
 a smooth metal surface, and if we send out 
 our tacks in such condition that a hammer will 
 pound the cloth tops off, it will ruin our busi- 
 ness the first season. I have experimented with 
 every sort of glue I can get, and have pounded 
 thousands of tacks into boards, but the cloth 
 covering still comes off in such large percentage 
 that I am afraid to go ahead. Of course, the 
 thing can be solved it is merely a question of 
 time but there is no time now to be lost." 
 
 From out the drawer of the table he drew a 
 board into which had been driven some dozens 
 of tacks. From at least twenty-five per cent, 
 of them the cloth covering had been knocked 
 off. 
 
 "I see," observed the Lamb, and he ex- 
 amined the board thoughtfully; then he looked 
 out of the window at the passing traffic in the 
 street. 
 
 Mr. Wallingford tilted back his chair and 
 lit a fat, black cigar, the barest twinkle of a 
 smile playing about his eyes. He laid a mate 
 to the cigar in front of the bookkeeper, but the 
 latter paid no attention whatever to it. He 
 
 41
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 was perfectly absorbed, and the twinkles 
 aronnd the large man's eyes deepened. 
 
 "I say!" suddenly exclaimed Mr. Lamb, turn- 
 ing from the window to the capitalist and 
 throwing open his coat impatiently, as if to 
 get away from anything that encumbered his 
 free expression, " why wouldn't it do to roughen 
 the heads of the tacks?" 
 
 His eyes fairly gleamed with the enthusiasm 
 of creation. He had found the answer to one 
 of those difficult problems like: "What bright 
 genius can supply the missing letters to make 
 up the name of this great American martyr, 
 who was also a President and freed the slaves? 
 L-NC-LN. $100.00 in GOLD to be divided 
 among the four million successful solvers! 
 Send no money until afterwards!" 
 
 Mr. Wallingford brought down the legs of 
 his chair with a thump. 
 
 "By George!" he ejaculated. "I'm glad I 
 found you. You're a man of remarkable re- 
 source, and I must be a dumbhead. Here I 
 have been puzzling and puzzling with this 
 problem, and it never occurred to me to 
 roughen those tacks!" 
 
 It was now Mr. Lamb's turn to find the fat, 
 black cigar, to light it, to lean back comfort- 
 ably and to contemplate Mr, Wallingford with
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 triumphantly smiling eyes. The latter gentle- 
 man, however, was in no contemplative mood. 
 He was a man all of energy. He had two bell- 
 boys at the door in another minute. One he 
 sent for a quart of wine and the other to the 
 hardware store with a list of necessities, which 
 were breathlessly bought and delivered: a 
 small table- vise, a heavy hammer, two or three 
 patterns of flat files and several papers of 
 tacks. Already in one corner of Mr. Walling- 
 ford's room stood a rough serving table which 
 he had been using as a work bench, and Mr. 
 Lamb could not but reflect how everything 
 needed came quickly to this man's bidding, as 
 if he had possessed the magic lamp of Aladdin. 
 He was forced to admire, too, the dexterity with 
 which this genius screwed the small vise to the 
 table, placed in its jaws a row of tacks, and, 
 pressing upon them the flat side of one of the 
 files, pounded this vigorously until, upon lifting 
 it up, the fine, indented pattern was found re- 
 peated in the hard heads of the tacks. The 
 master magician went through this operation 
 until he had a whole paper of them with rough- 
 ened heads; then, glowing with fervid en- 
 thusiasm which was quickly communicated to 
 his helper, he set Mr. Lamb to gluing bits of 
 cloth upon these heads, to be trimmed later
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 with delicate scissors, an extra pair of which 
 Mr. "Wallingford sent out to get. When the 
 tacks were all set aside to dry the coworkers 
 addressed themselves to the contents of the ioe 
 pail; but, as the host was pulling the cork from 
 the bottle, and while both of them were perspir- 
 ing and glowing with anticipated triumph in 
 the experiment, Mr. "Wallingford 's face grew 
 suddenly troubled. 
 
 "By George, Eddy" and Mr. Lamb beamed 
 over this early adoption of his familiar first 
 name "if this experiment succeeds it makes 
 you part inventor with me!" 
 
 Eddy sat down to gasp.
 
 CHAPTER IV 
 
 J. BUFTTS ACCEPTS A TEMPORARY ACCOMMODATION 
 AND BUYS AN AUTOMOBILE 
 
 THE experiment was a success. Im- 
 mediately after lunch they secured 
 a fresh pine board and pounded all 
 the tacks into it. Not one top came 
 off. The fact, however, that Mr. Lamb was 
 part inventor, made a vast difference in the 
 proposition. 
 
 * ' Now, we '11 talk cold business on this, ' ' said 
 Mr. Wallingf ord. ' * Of course, the main idea is 
 mine, but the patent must be applied for by both 
 as joint inventors. Under the circumstances, 
 I should say that about one fourth of the value 
 of the patent, which we shall sell to the com- 
 pany for at least sixty thousand dollars, would 
 be pretty good for your few minutes of thought, 
 eh?" 
 
 Mr. Lamb, his head swimming, agreed with 
 him thoroughly. 
 
 "Very well, then, we'll go right out to a 
 lawyer and have a contract drawn up; then 
 we'll go to a patent attorney and get the thing 
 
 45
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 under way at once. Do you know of a good 
 lawyer?'* 
 
 Mr. Lamb did. There was a young one, thor- 
 oughly good, who belonged to Mr. Lamb 's lodge, 
 and they went over to see him. There is no 
 expressing the angle at which Mr. Lamb held 
 his head as he passed out through the lobby of 
 the best hotel in his city. If his well-to-do 
 townsmen having business there wished to take 
 notice of him, well and good; if they did not, 
 well and good also. He needed nothing of 
 them. 
 
 It was with the same shoulder-squared self- 
 gratification that he ushered his affluent friend 
 into Carwin 's office. Carwin was in. Unfor- 
 tunately, he was always in. Practice had not 
 yet begun for him, but Lamb was bringing for- 
 tune in his hand and was correspondingly 
 elated. He intended to make Carwin the law- 
 yer for the corporation. Mr. Carwin drew up 
 for them articles of agreement, in which it was 
 set forth, with many a whereas and wherein, 
 that the said party of the first part and the 
 said party of the second part were joint in- 
 ventors of a herein described new and im- 
 proved carpet tack, the full and total benefits 
 of which were to accrue to the said parties of 
 the first part and the second part, and to their 
 
 46
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 heirs and assigns forever and ever, in the pro- 
 portion of one fourth to the said party of the 
 first part and three fourths to the said party 
 of the second part. 
 
 Mr. Carwin, as he saw them walk out with 
 the precious agreement, duly signed, attested 
 and sealed, was too timid to hint about his fee, 
 and Mr. Lamb could scarcely be so indelicate 
 as to call attention to the trifle, even though he 
 knew that Mr. Carwin was gasping for it at 
 that present moment. The latter had hidden his 
 shoes carefully under his desk throughout the 
 consultation, and had kept tucking his cuffs 
 back out of sight during the entire time. 
 There were reasons, however, why Mr. Wal- 
 lingford did not pay the fee. In spite of the 
 fact that everything was charged at his hotel, 
 it did take some cash for the bare necessities 
 of existence, and, in the past three days, he 
 had spent over fifty dollars in mere incidentals, 
 aside from his living expenses. 
 
 Mr. Lamb did not know a patent lawyer, 
 but he had seen the sign of one, and he knew 
 where to go right to him. The patent lawyer 
 demanded a preliminary fee of twenty-five dol- 
 lars. Mr. Lamb was sorry that Mr. Christo- 
 pher had made such an unfortunate " break, " 
 for he felt that the man would get no more of 
 
 47
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 Mr. Wallingford 's business. The latter drew 
 out a roll of bills, however, paid the man on 
 the spot and took his receipt. 
 
 "Will a ten-dollar bill help hurry matters 
 any!" he asked. 
 
 "It might," admitted the patent lawyer with 
 a cheerful smile. 
 
 His office was in a ramshackle old building 
 that had no elevator, and they had been com- 
 pelled to climb two flights of stairs to reach it. 
 Mr. Wallingford handed him the ten dollars. 
 
 "Have the drawings and the application 
 ready by to-morrow. If the thing can be ex- 
 pedited we shall want you to go on to "Wash- 
 ington with the papers." 
 
 Mr. Christopher glowed within him. Wher- 
 ever this man Wallingford went he left behind 
 him a trail of high hopes, a glimpse of a bet- 
 ter day to dawn. He was a public benefactor, 
 a boon to humanity. His very presence radi- 
 ated good cheer and golden prospects. 
 
 As they entered the hotel, said Mr. Walling- 
 ford: 
 
 "Just get the key and go right on up to the 
 room, Eddy. You know where it is. Make 
 yourself at home. Take your knife and try the 
 covering on those last tacks we put in. I'll be 
 up in five or ten minutes." 
 
 48
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 When Mr. Wallingford came in Mr. Lamb 
 was testing the tack covers with great gratifi- 
 cation. They were all solid, and they could 
 scarcely be dug off with a knife. He looked up 
 to communicate this fact with glee, and saw a 
 frowning countenance upon his senior partner. 
 Mr. J. Eufus Wallingford was distinctly vexed. 
 
 "Nice thing!" he growled. "Just got a 
 notice that there is an overdraft in my bank. 
 Now, I'll have to order some bonds sold at a 
 loss, with the market down all around; but 
 that will take a couple of days and here I am 
 without cash without cash! Look at that! 
 Less than five dollars!" 
 
 He threw off his coat and hat in disgust and 
 loosened his vest. He mopped his face and 
 brow and neck. Mr. Wallingford was extremely 
 vexed. He ordered a quart of champagne in a 
 tone which must have made the telephone clerk 
 feel that the princely guest was dissatisfied with 
 the house. "Frappe, too!" he demanded. 
 "The last I had was as warm as tea!" 
 
 Mr. Lamb, within the past day, had himself 
 begun the rise to dizzy heights ; he had breathed 
 the atmosphere of small birds and cold bottles 
 into his nostrils until that vapor seemed the 
 normal air of heaven; the ordinary dollar had 
 gradually shrunk from its normal dimensions 
 
 4 Wallingford 49
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 of a peck measure to the size of a mere dot, 
 and, moreover, he considered how necessary 
 pocket money was to a man of J. Rufus Wal- 
 lingford's rich relationship with the world. 
 
 "I have a little ready cash I could help you 
 out with, if you will let me offer it," he ven- 
 tured, embarrassed to find slight alternate 
 waves of heat flushing his face. The borrow- 
 ing and the lending of money were not un- 
 known by any means in Mr. Lamb 's set. They 
 asked each other for fifty dollars with perfect 
 nonchalance, got it and paid it back with equal 
 unconcern, and no man among them had been 
 known to forget. Mr. Wallingford accepted 
 quite gracefully. 
 
 "Really, if you don't mind," said he, "five 
 hundred or so would be quite an accommoda- 
 tion for a couple of days." 
 
 Mr. Lamb gulped, but it was only a sort of 
 growing pain that he had. It was difficult 
 tcr him to keep up with his own financial 
 expansion. 
 
 "Certainly," he stammered. "1*11 go right 
 down and get it for you. The bank closes at 
 three. I have only a half hour to make it." 
 
 "I'll go right with you," said Mr. Walling- 
 ford, asking no questions, but rightly divining 
 that his Lamb kept no open account. "Wait a 
 
 M
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 minute. I'll make you out a note just so 
 there'll be something to show for it, you 
 know. ' ' 
 
 He hurriedly drew a blank from hi* pocket, 
 filled it in and arose from the table. 
 
 "I made it out for thirty days, merely as a 
 matter of business form," stated Mr. Walling- 
 ford as they walked to the elevator, "but, as 
 soon as I put those bonds on the market, I'll 
 take up the note, of course. I left the interest 
 in at six per cent. ' ' 
 
 "Oh, that was not necessary at all," pro- 
 tested Mr. Lamb. 
 
 The sum had been at first rather a stagger- 
 ing one, but it only took him a moment or two 
 to get his new bearings, and, if possible, he 
 held his head a trifle higher than ever as he 
 walked out through the lobby. On the way to 
 the bank the capitalist passed the note over to 
 his friend. 
 
 "I believe that's the right date; the twenty- 
 fifth, isn't it!" 
 
 "The twenty-fifth is right," Mr. Lamb re- 
 plied, and perfunctorily opened the note. Then 
 he stopped walking. "Hello!" he said. 
 "You've made a mistake. This is for a thou- 
 sand. ' ' 
 
 "Is that so? I declare! I so seldom draw 
 
 51
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 less than that. Well, suppose we let it go at 
 a thousand. " 
 
 Time for gulping was passed. 
 
 "All right," said the younger man, but he 
 could not make the assent as sprightly as he 
 could have wished. In spite of himself the 
 words drawled. 
 
 Nevertheless, at his bank he handed in his 
 savings-book and the check, and, thoroughly 
 permeated by the atmosphere in which he was 
 now moving, he had made out the order for 
 eleven hundred dollars. 
 
 "I needed a little loose change myself," he 
 explained, as he put a hundred into his own 
 pocket and passed the thousand over to Mr. 
 Wallingford. 
 
 Events moved rapidly now. Mr. Walling- 
 ford that night sent off one hundred and fifty 
 dollars to his wife. 
 
 "Cheer up, little girl," he wrote her. 
 "Blackie came here and reported that this was 
 a grouch town. I've been here three days and 
 dug up a thousand, and there's more in sight. 
 I've been inquiring around this morning. 
 There is a swell little ten-thousand-dollar house 
 out in the rich end of the burg that I'm going 
 to buy to put up a front, and you know how I'll 
 buy it. Also I'm going over to-morrow and 
 
 52
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 pick out an automobile. I need it in my busi- 
 ness. You ought to see what long, silky wool 
 the sheep grow here." 
 
 The next morning was devoted entirely to 
 pleasure. They visited three automobile firms 
 and took spins in four machines, and at last Mr. 
 Wallingford picked out a five-thousand-dollar 
 car that about suited him. 
 
 "I shall try this for two weeks," he told the 
 proprietor of the establishment. "Keep it here 
 in your garage at my call, and, by that time, if 
 I decide to buy it, I shall have my own garage 
 under way. I have my eye on a very nice lit- 
 tle place out in Gildendale, and if they don't 
 want too much for it I'll bring on Mrs. Wal- 
 lingford from Boston." 
 
 "With pleasure, Mr. Wallingford," said the 
 proprietor. 
 
 Mr. Lamb walked away with a new valuation 
 of things. Not a penny of deposit had been 
 asked, for the mere appearance of Mr. Wal- 
 lingford and his air of owning the entire ga- 
 rage were sumcient. In the room at the hotel 
 that afternoon they made some further experi- 
 ments on tacks, and Mr. Wallingford gave 
 his young partner some further statistics 
 concerning the Eureka Company: its out- 
 put, the number of men it employed, the 
 
 53
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 number of machines it had in operation, 
 the small start it had, the immense profits 
 it made. 
 
 "We've got them all beat," Mr. Lamb en- 
 thusiastically summed up for him. "We're 
 starting much better than they did, and with, 
 I believe, the best manufacturing proposition 
 that was ever put before the public." 
 
 It was not necessary to supply him with any 
 further enthusiasm. He had been inoculated 
 with the yeast of it, and from that point on- 
 ward would be self-raising. 
 
 "The only thing I am afraid of," worried 
 Mr. Wallingford, "is that the Eureka Com- 
 pany will want to buy us out before we get 
 fairly started, and, if they offer us a good price, 
 the stockholders will want to stampede. Now, 
 you and I must vote down any proposition the 
 Eureka Company make us, no matter what the 
 other stockholders want, because, if they buy 
 us out before we have actually begun to en- 
 croach upon their business, they will not give 
 us one fifth of the price we could get after giv- 
 ing them a good scare. Between us, Eddy, 
 we'll hold six tenths of the stock and we must 
 stand firm." 
 
 Eddy stuck his thumbs in his vest pocket 
 and with great complacency tapped himself al- 
 
 54
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 ternately upon his recent luncheon with the 
 finger tips of his two hands. 
 
 "Certainly we will," he admitted. "But 
 say; I have some friends that I'd like to bring 
 into this thing. They're not able to buy blocks 
 of stock as large as you suggested, but, maybe, 
 we could split up one lot so as to let them in." 
 
 "I don't like the idea of small stockhold- 
 ers," Mr. Wallingford objected, frowning. 
 "They are too hard to handle. Your larger 
 investors are business men who understand all 
 the details and are not raising eternal ques- 
 tions about the little things that turn up; but 
 since we have this tack so perfect I've changed 
 my plan of incorporation, and consequently 
 there is a way in which your friends can get in. 
 We don't want to attract any attention to our- 
 selves from the Eureka people just now, so we 
 will only incorporate at first for one thousand 
 dollars, in ten shares of one hundred dollars 
 each sort of a dummy corporation in which 
 my name will not appear at all. If you can 
 find four friends who will buy one share of 
 stock each you will then subscribe for the other 
 six shares, for which I will pay you, giving you 
 one share, as I promised. These four friends 
 of yours then, if they wish, may take up one 
 block of twenty-five thousand when we make 
 
 55
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 the final corporation, which we will do by in- 
 creasing our capital stock as soon as we get 
 our corporation papers. These friends of 
 yours would, necessarily, be on our first board 
 of directors, too, which will hold for one year, 
 and it will be an exceptional opportunity for 
 them." 
 
 "I don't quite understand," said Mr. Lamb. 
 
 "We incorporate for one thousand only," 
 explained Mr. Wallingford, slowly and pa- 
 tiently, "ten shares of one hundred dollars 
 each, all fully paid in. The Eureka Company 
 will pay no attention to a one-thousand-dollar 
 company. As soon as we get our corporation 
 papers, we original incorporators will, of 
 course, form the officers and board of direc- 
 tors, and we will immediately vote to increase 
 our capitalization to one hundred thousand 
 dollars, in one thousand shares of one hun- 
 dred dollars each. We will vote to pay you 
 and I as inventors sixty thousand dollars or six 
 hundred shares of stock for our patents ap- 
 plied for and to be applied for during a pe- 
 riod of five years to come in carpet-tack im- 
 provements and machinery for making the 
 same. We will offer the balance of the forty 
 thousand dollars stock for sale, to carry us 
 through the experimental stage that is, until 
 
 56
 
 we get our machinery all in working order. 
 Then we will need one hundred thousand dol- 
 lars to start our factory. To get that, we will 
 reincorporate for a three-hundred-thousand 
 capital, taking up all the outstanding stock 
 and giving to each stockholder two shares at 
 par for each share he then holds. That will 
 take up two hundred thousand dollars of the 
 stock and leave one hundred thousand for sale 
 at par. You, in place of fifteen thousand dol- 
 lars' worth of stock as your share for the 
 patent rights, will have thirty thousand dollars' 
 worth, or three hundred shares, and if, after 
 we have started operating, the Eureka Com- 
 pany should buy us out at only a million, you 
 would have a hundred thousand dollars net 
 profit." 
 
 A long, long sigh was the answer. Mr Lamb 
 saw. Here was real financiering. 
 
 "Let's get outside," he said, needing fresh 
 air in his lungs after this. " Let's go up and 
 see my friend, Mr. Jasper." 
 
 In ten minutes the automobile had reported. 
 Each man, before he left the room, slipped a 
 handful of covered carpet tacks into his coat 
 pocket 
 
 57
 
 CHAPTEE V 
 
 THE UNIVERSAL COVERED CARPET TACK COMPANY 
 FORMS AMID GREAT ENTHUSIASM 
 
 THE intense democracy of J. Rufus Wal- 
 lingford could not but charm David 
 Jasper, even though he disapproved 
 of diamond stick-pins and red-leather- 
 padded automobiles as a matter of principle. 
 The manner in which the gentleman from Bos- 
 ton acknowledged the introduction, the fine mix- 
 ture of deference due Mr. Jasper's age and of 
 cordiality due his easily discernible qualities of 
 good fellowship, would have charmed the heart 
 out of a cabbage. 
 
 "Get in, Dave; we want to take you a ride," 
 demanded Mr. Lamb. 
 
 David shook his head at the big machine, and 
 laughed. 
 
 "I don't carry enough insurance," he ob- 
 jected. 
 
 Mr. Wallingford had caught sight of a little 
 bronze button in the lapel of Mr. Jasper's 
 faded and threadbare coat. 
 
 "A man who went through the battle of 
 
 58
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 Bull Bun ought to face anything/' he laughed 
 back. 
 
 The shot went home. Mr. Jasper had ac- 
 quitted himself with honor in the battle of Bull 
 Run, and without further ado he got into the 
 invitingly open door of the tonneau, to sink 
 back among the padded cushions with his friend 
 Lamb. As the door slammed shut, Ella Jasper 
 waved them adieu, and it was fully three min- 
 utes after the machine drove away before she 
 began humming about her work. Somehow or 
 other, she did not like to see her father's friend 
 so intimately associated with rich people. 
 
 They had gone but a couple of blocks, and 
 Mr. Lamb was in the early stages of the enthu- 
 siasm attendant upon describing the wonderful 
 events of the past two days especially his 
 own share in the invention, and the hundred 
 thousand dollars that it was to make him 
 within the year when Mr. Wallingford sud- 
 denly halted the machine. 
 
 "You're not going to get home to dinner, 
 you know, Mr. Jasper," he declared. 
 
 "Oh, we have to! This is lodge night, and 
 I am a patriarch. I haven't missed a night 
 for twenty years, and Eddy, here, has an of- 
 fice, too his first one. We've got ten candi- 
 dates to-night." 
 
 59
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "I see," said Mr. Wallingford gravely. ''It 
 is more or less in the line of a sacred duty. 
 Nevertheless, we will not go home to dinner. 
 I '11 get you at the lodge door at half past eight. 
 Will that be early enough?" 
 
 Mr. Jasper put his hands upon his knees and 
 turned to his friend. 
 
 "I guess we can work our way in, can't 
 we, Eddy?" he chuckled, and Eddy, with 
 equally simple pleasure, replied that they 
 could. 
 
 "Very well. Back to the house, chauffeur." 
 And, in a moment more, they were sailing back 
 to the decrepit little cottage, where Lamb 
 jumped out to carry the news to Ella. She 
 was just coming out of the kitchen door in her 
 sunbonnet to run over to the grocery store as 
 Edward came up the steps. He grabbed her 
 by both shoulders and dragged her out. 
 
 "Come on; we're going to take you along!" 
 he threatened, and she did not know why, but, 
 at the touch of his hands, she paled slightly. 
 Her eyes never faltered, however, as she 
 laughed and jerked herself away. 
 
 "Not much, you don't! I'm worried enough 
 as it is with father in there and you, of 
 course." 
 
 He told her that they would not be home to 
 
 60
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 supper, and, for a second time, she wistfully 
 saw them driving away in the big red machine. 
 Mr. Wallingford talked with the chauffeur 
 for a few moments, and then the machine leaped 
 forward with definiteness. Once or twice Mr. 
 Wallingford looked back. The two in the ton- 
 neau were examining the cloth-topped tacks, 
 and both were talking volubly. Mile after mile 
 they were still at it, and the rich man felt re- 
 lieved of all responsibility. The less he said in 
 the matter the better; he had learned the in- 
 valuable lesson of when not to talk. So far 
 as he was concerned, the Universal Covered 
 Carpet Tack Company was launched, and he 
 was able to turn his attention to the science 
 of running the car, a matter which, by the time 
 they had reached their stopping point, he had 
 picked up to the great admiration of the expert 
 driver. For the last five miles the big man ran 
 the machine himself, with the help of a guiding 
 word or two, and when they finally stopped in 
 front of the one pretentious hotel in the small 
 town they had reached, he was so completely 
 absorbed in the new toy that he was actually 
 as nonchalant about the new company as he 
 would have wished to appear. His passengers 
 were surprised when they found that they had 
 come twenty miles, and Mr. Wallingford 
 
 61
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 showed them what a man who knows how to 
 dine can do in a minor hotel. He had every- 
 body busy, from the proprietor down. The 
 snap of his fingers was as potent here as the 
 clarion call of the trumpet in battle, and David 
 Jasper, though he strove to disapprove, after 
 sixty years of somnolence woke up and actually 
 enjoyed pretentious luxury. 
 
 There were but five minutes of real business 
 conversation following the meal, but five min- 
 utes were enough. David Jasper had called 
 his friend Eddy aside for one brief moment. 
 
 "Did he give you any references?** he asked, 
 the habit of caution asserting itself. 
 
 "Sure; more than half a dozen of them." 
 
 "Have you written to them!'* 
 
 "I wrote this morning." 
 
 "I guess he wouldn't give them to you if he 
 wasn't all right." 
 
 "We don't need the references," urged 
 Lamb. "The man himself is reference enough. 
 You see that automobile? He bought it this 
 morning and didn't pay a cent on it. They 
 didn't ask him to." 
 
 It was a greater recommendation than if the 
 man had paid cash down for the machine; for 
 credit is mightier than cash, everywhere. 
 
 "I think we'll go in," said Dave. 
 
 62
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Think he would go in! It was only his 
 servative way of expressing himself, for he was 
 already in with his whole heart and soul. In 
 the five minutes of conversation between the 
 three that ensued, David Jasper agreed to be 
 one of the original incorporators, to go on the 
 first board of directors, and to provide three 
 other solid men to serve in a like capacity, the 
 preliminary meeting being arranged for the 
 next morning. Mr. Wallingford passed around 
 his black cigars and lit one in huge content as 
 he climbed into the front seat with the chauf- 
 feur, to begin his task of urging driver and ma- 
 chine back through the night in the time that 
 he had promised. 
 
 That was a wonderful ride to the novices. 
 Nothing but darkness ahead, with a single 
 stream of white light spreading out upon the 
 roadway, which, like a fast descending curtain, 
 lowered always before them; a rut here, a rock 
 there, angle and curve and dip and rise all 
 springing out of the night with startling swift- 
 ness, to disappear behind them before they had 
 given even a gasp of comprehension for the pos- 
 sible danger they had confronted but that was 
 now past. Unconsciously they found them- 
 selves gripping tightly the sides of the car, and 
 yet, even to the old man, there was a strange 
 
 63
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 sense of exhilaration, aided perhaps by wine, 
 that made them, after the first breathless five 
 miles, begin to jest in voices lond enough to 
 carry against the wind, to laugh boisterously, 
 and even to sing, by-and-by, a nonsensical song 
 started by Lamb and caught up by Wallingford 
 and joined by the still firm voice of David Jas- 
 per. The chauffeur, the while bent grimly over 
 his wheel, peered with iron-nerved intensity 
 out into that mysterious way where the fatal 
 snag might rise up at any second and smite 
 them into lifeless clay, for they were going at 
 a terrific pace. The hoarse horn kept con- 
 stantly hooting, and every now and then they 
 flashed by trembling horses drawn up at the 
 side of the road and attached to "rigs," the 
 occupants of which appeared only as one or 
 two or three fish-white faces in the one instant 
 that the glow of the headlight gleamed upon 
 them. Once there was a quick swerve out of 
 the road and back into it again, where the rear 
 wheel hovered for a fraction of a second over 
 a steep gully, and not until they had passed 
 on did the realization come to them that there 
 had been one horse that had refused, either 
 through stubbornness or fright, to get out of 
 the road fast enough. But what is a danger 
 past when a myriad lie before, and what are 
 
 64
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 dangers ahead when a myriad have been passed 
 safely by? The exhilaration became almost an 
 intoxication, for, in spite of those few moments 
 when mirth and gayety were checked by that 
 sudden throb of what might have been, the 
 songs burst forth again as soon as a level 
 track stretched ahead once more. 
 
 "Five minutes before the time I promised 
 you!" exclaimed Mr. Wallingford in jovial 
 triumph, jumping from his seat and opening 
 the door of the tonneau for his passengers just 
 in front of the stairway that led to their lodge- 
 rooms. 
 
 They climbed out, stiff and breathless and 
 still tingling with the inexplicable thrill of it 
 all. 
 
 "Eleven o'clock in the morning, remember, 
 at Carwin's," he reminded them as they left 
 him, and afterward they wondered why such a 
 simple exertion as the climbing of one flight of 
 stairs should make their hearts beat so high 
 and their breath come so deep and harsh. It 
 would have been curious, later that night, to 
 see Edward Lamb buying a quart of champagne 
 for his friends, and protesting that it was not 
 cold enough! 
 
 Mr. Wallingford stepped back to the chauf- 
 feur. 
 
 S-WaWngford 65
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "What's your first name?" he inquired. 
 
 "Frank, sir." 
 
 "Well, Frank, when you go back to the shop 
 you tell them that you're to drive my machine 
 hereafter when I call for it, and when I get 
 settled down here I want you to work for me. 
 Drive to the hotel now and wait." 
 
 Before climbing into the luxury of the ton- 
 neau he handed the chauffeur a five-dollar bill. 
 
 "All right, sir," said Frank. 
 
 At the hotel, the man of means walked up to 
 the clerk and opened his pocketbook. 
 
 "I have a little more cash than I care to 
 carry around. Just put this to my credit, will 
 you?" and he counted out six one-hundred- 
 dollar bills. 
 
 As he turned away the clerk permitted him- 
 self that faint trace of a smile once more. His 
 confidence was justified. He had known that 
 somebody would pay Mr. Wallingf ord 's acro- 
 batic bill. His interesting guest strode out to 
 the big red automobile. The chauffeur was out 
 in a second and had the tonneau open before 
 the stately but earnestly willing doorman of 
 the hotel could perform the duty. 
 
 "Now, show us the town," said Wallingf ord 
 as the door closed upon him, and when he came 
 in late that night his eyes were red and his 
 
 66
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 speech was thick; but there were plenty of 
 eager hands to see safely to bed the prince who 
 had landed in their midst with less than a 
 hundred dollars in his possession. 
 
 He was up bright and vigorous the next 
 morning, however. A cold bath, a hearty 
 breakfast in his room, a half hour with the 
 barber and a spin in the automobile made him 
 elastic and bounding again, so that at eleven 
 o'clock he was easily the freshest man among 
 the six who gathered in Mr. Carwin's office. 
 The incorporators noted with admiration, which 
 with wiser men might have turned to suspicion, 
 that Mr. Wallingford was better posted on cor- 
 poration law than Mr. Carwin himself, and that 
 he engineered the preliminary proceedings 
 through in a jiffy. With the exception of 
 Lamb, they were all men past forty, and not 
 one of them had known experience of this 
 nature. They had been engaged in minor oc- 
 cupations or in minor business throughout their 
 lives, and had gathered their few thousands 
 together dollar by dollar. To them this new 
 realm that was opened up was a fairyland, and 
 the simple trick of watering stock that had 
 been carefully explained to them, one by one, 
 pleased them as no toy ever pleased a child. 
 They had heard of such things as being vague 
 
 67
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 and mysterious operations in the realms of 
 finance and had condemned them, taking their 
 tone from the columns of editorials they had 
 read upon such practices; but, now that they 
 were themselves to reap the fruits of it, they 
 looked through different spectacles. It was 
 a just proceeding which this genius of com- 
 merce proposed; for they who stood the first 
 brunt of launching the ship were entitled to 
 greater rewards than they who came in upon an 
 assured certainty of profits, having waited only 
 for the golden cargo to be in the harbor. 
 
 As a sort of sealing of their compact and to 
 show that this was to be a corporation upon a 
 friendly basis, rather than a cold, grasping busi- 
 ness proposition, Mr. Wallingford took them all 
 over to a simple lunch in a private dining room 
 at his hotel. He was careful not to make it too 
 elaborate, but careful, too, that the luncheon 
 should be notable, and they all went away talk- 
 ing about him: what a wonderful man he was, 
 what a wonderful business proposition he had 
 permitted them to enter upon, what wonderful 
 resources he must have at his command, what 
 wonderful genius was his in manipulation, in 
 invention, in every way. 
 
 There was a week now in which to act, and 
 Mr. Wallingford wasted no time. He picked out 
 
 68
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 his house in the exclusive part of Gildendale, 
 and when it came to paying the thousand dol- 
 lars down, Mr. Wallingford quietly made out a 
 sixty-day note for the amount. 
 
 "I beg your pardon," hesitated the agent, 
 "the first payment is supposed to be in cash." 
 
 "Oh, I know that it is supposed to be," 
 laughed Mr. Wallingford, "but we understand 
 how these things are. I guess the house itself 
 will secure the note for that length of time. I 
 am going to be under pretty heavy expense in 
 fitting up the place, and a man with any regard 
 for the earning power of money does not keep 
 much cash lying loose. Do you want this note 
 or not ! ' ' and his final tone was peremptory. 
 
 "Oh, why, certainly; that's all right," said 
 the agent, and took it. 
 
 Upon the court records appeared the sale, 
 but even before it was so entered a firm of 
 decorators and furnishers had been given carte 
 blanche, following, however, certain artistic re- 
 quirements of Mr. Wallingford himself. The 
 result that they produced within the three days 
 that he gave them was marvelous; somewhat 
 too garish, perhaps, for people of good taste, 
 but impressive in every detail ; and for all this 
 he paid not one penny in cash. He was ac- 
 credited with being the owner of a house in the 
 
 69
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 exclusive suburb, Gildendale. On that accredit- 
 ing the furnishing was done, on that accrediting 
 he stocked his pantry shelves, his refrigerator, 
 his wine cellar, his coal bins, his humidors, and 
 had started a tailor to work upon half a dozen 
 suits, among them an automobile costume. He 
 had a modest establishment of two servants and 
 a chauffeur by the time his wife arrived, and 
 on the day the final organization of the one- 
 thousand-dollar company was effected, he gave 
 a housewarming for his associates of the Uni- 
 versal Covered Carpet Tack Company. Where 
 Mr. "Wallingford had charmed, Mrs. Walling- 
 ford fascinated, and the five men went home 
 that night richer than they had ever dreamed 
 of being; than they would ever be again.
 
 CHAPTEE VI 
 
 IN WHICH A.V ASTOUNDING BEVELATION IS MADE 
 CONOBENING J. BUFUS 
 
 fHT^HE first stockholders' meeting of the 
 Tack Company was a cheerful affair, 
 held around a table that was within an 
 hour or so to have a cloth; for when- 
 ever J. Rufus Wallingford did business, he 
 must, perforce, eat and drink, and all who did 
 business with him must do the same. The 
 stockholders, being all present, elected their of- 
 ficers and their board of directors: Mr. Wall- 
 ingford, president; Mr. Lamb, secretary; Mr. 
 Jasper, treasurer; and Mr. Lewis, David Jas- 
 per's nearest friend, vice president, these four 
 and Mr. Nolting also constituting the board of 
 directors. Immediately after, they adopted a 
 stock, printed form of constitution, voted an 
 increase of capitalization to one hundred thou- 
 sand dollars, and then adjourned. 
 
 The president, during the luncheon, made 
 them a little speech in which he held before 
 them constantly a tack with a crimson top 
 glued upon a roughened surface* and alluded 
 
 71
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 to the invaluable services their young friend, 
 Edward Lamb, had rendered to the completion 
 of the company's now perfect and flawless 
 article of manufacture. He explained to them 
 in detail the bigness of the Eureka Tack Manu- 
 facturing Company, its enormous undivided 
 profits, its tremendous yearly dividends, the 
 fabulous price at which its stock was quoted, 
 with none for sale; and all this gigantic busi- 
 ness built upon a simple tack! Gentlemen, 
 not nearly, not nearly so attractive and so 
 profitable an article of commerce as this per- 
 feet little convenience held before them. The 
 gentlemen were to be congratulated upon a big- 
 ger and brighter and better fortune than had 
 ever come to them; they were all to be con- 
 gratulated upon having met each other, and 
 since they had been kind enough, since they had 
 been trusting enough, to give him their confi- 
 dence with but little question, Mr. Wallingford 
 felt it his duty to reassure them, even though 
 they needed no reassurance, that he was what 
 he was ; and he called upon his friend and their 
 secretary, Mr. Lamb, to read to them the few 
 letters that he understood had been received 
 from the Mexican and Eio Grande Rubber Com- 
 pany, the St. John's Blood Orange Plantation 
 Company, the Los Pocos Lead Development 
 
 72
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 Company, the Sierra Cinnabar Grant, and 
 others. 
 
 Mr. Lamb Secretary Lamb, if you please 
 arose in self-conscious dignity, which he strove 
 to taper off into graceful ease. 
 
 "It is hardly worth while reading more than 
 one, for they're all alike," he stated jovially, 
 "and if anybody questions our president, send 
 him to his friend Eddy!" Whereupon he read 
 the letters. 
 
 According to them, Mr. Wallingford was a 
 gentleman of the highest integrity; he was a 
 man of unimpeachable character, morally and 
 financially ; he was a genius of commerce ; he had 
 been sought, for his advice and for the tower 
 of strength that his name had become, by all 
 the money kings of Boston; he was, in a word, 
 the greatest boon that had ever descended upon 
 any city, and all of the gentlemen who were 
 lucky enough to be associated with him in any 
 business enterprise that he might back or vouch 
 for, could count themselves indeed most fortu- 
 nate. The letters were passed around. Some of 
 them had embossed heads; most of them were, 
 at least, engraved; some of them were printed 
 in two or three rich colors ; some had beautifully 
 tinted pictures of vast Mexican estates, and 
 Florida plantations, and Nevada mining ranges. 
 
 73
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 They were impressive, those letter-heads, and 
 when, after passing the round of the table, they 
 were returned to Mr. Lamb, four pairs of 
 eyes followed them as greedily as if those 
 eyes had been resting upon actual money. 
 
 In the ensuing week the committee on fac- 
 tories, consisting of Mr. Wallingford, Mr. 
 Lamb and Mr. Jasper, honked and inspected 
 and lunched until they found a small place 
 which would "do for the first year's business," 
 and within two days the factory was cleaned 
 and the office most sumptuously furnished; 
 then Mr. Wallingford, having provided work 
 for the secretary, began to attend to his purely 
 personal affairs, one of which was the private 
 consulting of the patent attorney. Upon his 
 first visit Mr. Christopher met him with a de- 
 jected air. 
 
 "I find four interferences against your appli- 
 cation," he dolefully stated, "and they cover 
 the ground very completely." 
 
 "Get me a patent," directed Mr. Walling- 
 ford shortly. 
 
 Mr. Christopher hesitated. Not only was his 
 working jacket out at the elbows, but his 
 street coat was shiny at the seams. 
 
 "I am bound to tell you," he confessed, 
 after quite a struggle, "that, while I might 
 
 74
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 get you some sort of a patent, it would not 
 hold water. ' ' 
 
 "I don't care if it wouldn't hold pebbles or 
 even brickbats," retorted Mr. Wallingford. 
 "I'm not particular about the mesh of it. Just 
 you get me a patent any sort of a patent, so 
 it has a seal and a ribbon on it. I believe it 
 is part of your professional ethics, Mr. 
 Christopher, to do no particular amount of 
 talking except to your clients. 
 
 "Well, yes, sir," admitted Mr. Christopher. 
 
 "Very well, then; I am the only client you 
 know in this case, and I say get a patent! 
 After all, a patent isn't worth as much as a 
 dollar at the Waldorf, except to form the basis 
 of a lawsuit," whereat Mr. Christopher saw a 
 great white light and his conscience ceased to 
 bother him. 
 
 Meanwhile the majestic wheels of state re- 
 volved, and at the second meeting of the board 
 of directors the secretary was able to lay be- 
 fore them the august permission of the Com- 
 monwealth to issue one hundred thousand 
 dollars of stock in the new corporation. In 
 fact, the secretary was able to show them a 
 book of especially printed stock certificates, 
 and a corporate seal had been made. Their 
 own seal! Each man tried it with awe and 
 
 75
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 pride. This also was a cheerful board meeting, 
 wherein the directors, as one man, knowing 
 beforehand what they were to do, voted to Mr. 
 Wallingford and Mr. Lamb sixty thousand dol- 
 lars in stock, for all patents relating to covered 
 carpet tacks or devices for making the same 
 that should be obtained by them for a period 
 of five years to come. The three remaining 
 members of the board of directors and the one 
 stockholder who was allowed to be present by 
 courtesy then took up five thousand dollars' 
 worth of stock each and guaranteed to bring 
 in, by the end of the week, four more like sub- 
 scriptions, two of which they secured; and, 
 thirty thousand dollars of cash having been put 
 into the treasury, a special stockholders' 
 meeting was immediately called. When this 
 met it was agreed that they should incorporate 
 another company under the name of the Uni- 
 versal Covered Tack Company, dropping the 
 word "Carpet," with an authorized capital of 
 three hundred thousand dollars, two hundred 
 thousand of which was already subscribed. 
 
 It took but a little over a month to organize 
 this new company, which bought out the old 
 company for the consideration of two hundred 
 thousand dollars, payable in stock of the new 
 company. With great glee the new stockhold- 
 
 76
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 ers bought from themselves, as old stock- 
 holders, the old company at this valuation, each 
 man receiving two shares of one hundred dol- 
 lars face value for each one hundred dollars' 
 worth of stock that he had held before. It 
 was their very first transaction in water, and 
 the delight that it gave them one and all knew 
 no bounds; they had doubled their money in 
 one day! But their elation was not half the 
 elation of J. Kufus Wallingford, for in his 
 possession he had ninety thousand dollars' 
 worth, par value, of stock, the legitimacy of 
 which no one could question, and the market 
 price of which could be to himself whatever 
 his glib tongue had the opportunity to make it. 
 In addition to the nine hundred shares of 
 stock, he had a ten-thousand-dollar house, a 
 five-thousand-dollar automobile and unlimited 
 credit; and this was the man who had landed 
 in the city but two brief months before, with 
 no credit in any known spot upon the globe, 
 and with less than one hundred dollars in his 
 pocket ! 
 
 It is a singular commentary upon the honesty 
 of American business methods that so much is 
 done on pure faith. The standing of J. Rufus 
 Wallingford was established beyond question. 
 Aside from the perfunctory inquiries that 
 
 77
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 Edward Lamb had made, no one ever took the 
 trouble to question into the promoter's past 
 record. So far as local merchants were con- 
 cerned, these did not care; for did not J. Eufus 
 own a finely appointed new house in Gilden- 
 dale, and did he not appear before them daily 
 in a fine new automobile? This, added to the 
 fact that he established credit with one mer- 
 chant and referred the next one to him, referred 
 the third to the second, and the fourth to the 
 third, was ample. If merchant number four 
 took the trouble to inquire of merchant num- 
 ber three, he was told: "Yes, we have Mr. 
 Wallingford on our books, and consider him 
 good." Consequently, Mrs. Wallingford was 
 able to go to any establishment, in her own 
 little runabout that J. Rufus got her presently, 
 and order what she would ; and she took ample 
 advantage of the opportunity. She, like J. 
 Rufus, was one of those rare beings of earth for 
 whom earth's most prized treasures are delved, 
 and wrought, and woven, and sewed ; for tran- 
 scendent beauty demands ever more beauty for 
 its adornment. In all the city there was noth- 
 ing too good for either of them, and they got 
 it without money and without price. The pro- 
 vider of all this made no move toward paying 
 even a retainer upon his automobile, for in- 
 
 78
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 stance; but, when the subtle intuition within 
 him warned that the dealer would presently 
 make a demand, he calmly went in and selected 
 the neat little runabout for his wife, and had 
 it added to his bilL After he had seen the run- 
 about glide away, the dealer was a little aghast 
 at himself. He had firmly intended, the next 
 time he saw Mr. Wallingford, to insist upon a 
 payment. In place of that, he had only jeopard- 
 ized two thousand dollars more, and all that 
 he had to show for it were half a dozen covered 
 tacks which J. Eufus had left him to ponder 
 upon. In the meantime, Lamb's loan of one 
 thousand had been increased, upon plausible 
 pretext, to two thousand. 
 
 There beganj now, busy days at the factory. 
 In the third floor of their building a machine 
 shop was installed. Three thousand dollars 
 went there. Outside, in a large experimental 
 shop, work was being rapidly pushed on ma- 
 chinery which would make tacks with cross- 
 corrugated heads. Genius Wallingford had 
 secretly secured drawings of tack machinery, 
 and devised slight changes which would evade 
 the patents, adding dies that would make the 
 roughened tops. A final day came when, set 
 up in their shop, the first faulty machine 
 pounded out tacks ready for later covering, and 
 
 79
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 every stockholder who had been called in to 
 witness the working of the miracle went away 
 profoundly convinced that fortune was just 
 within his reach. They had their first patent 
 granted now, and the sight of it, on stiff parch- 
 ment with its hit of bright ribbon, was like a 
 glimpse at dividends. It was right at this time, 
 however, that one cat was let out of the bag. 
 The information came first to Edward Lamb, 
 through the inquiries of a commercial rating 
 company, that their Boston capitalist was a 
 whited sepulcher, so far as capital went. He 
 had not a cent. The secretary, in the privacy 
 of their office, put the matter to him squarely, 
 and he admitted it cheerfully. He was glad 
 that the expose had come it suited his present 
 course, and he would have brought it about 
 himself before long. 
 
 * ' Who said I had money ? " he demanded. ' ' I 
 never said so." 
 
 "Well, but the way you live," objected 
 Lamb. 
 
 "I have always lived that way, and I al- 
 ways shall. Not only is it a fact that I have 
 no money, but I must have some right away." 
 
 "I haven't any more to lend." 
 
 "No, Eddy; I'm not saying that you have. 
 I am merely stating that I have to have some. 
 
 80
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 I am being bothered by people who want it, 
 and I cannot work on the covering machine 
 until I get it," and Mr. Wallingford coolly 
 telephoned for his big automobile to be brought 
 around. 
 
 They sat silently in the office for the next 
 five minutes, while Lamb slowly appreciated 
 the position they were in. If J. Eufus should 
 "lay down on them" before the covering ma- 
 chine was perfected, they were in a bad case. 
 They had already spent over twenty thousand 
 dollars in equipping their office, their machine 
 shop, and perfecting their stamping machine, 
 and time was flying. 
 
 ' ' You might sell a little of your stock, ' ' sug- 
 gested Lamb. 
 
 "We have an agreement between us to hold 
 control." 
 
 "But you can still sell a little of yours, and 
 stay within that amount. I'm not selling any 
 of mine." 
 
 Mr. Wallingford drew from his pocket a 
 hundred-share stock certificate. 
 
 "I have already sold some. Make out fifty 
 shares of this to L. W. Eamsay, twenty-five to 
 E. H. Wyman, and the other twenty-five to 
 C. D. Wyman." 
 
 Ramsay and the Wyman Brothers ! Eamsay 
 
 6 Wallingford 81
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 was the automobile dealer; Wyman Brothers 
 were Wallingford's tailors. 
 
 "So much! Why didn't you sell them at 
 least part from our extra treasury stock? 
 There is twenty thousand there, replacing the 
 ten thousand of the old company." 
 
 "Why didn't I? I needed the money. I got 
 twenty-five hundred cash from Earns ay, and 
 let him put twenty-five on account. I agreed 
 to take one thousand in trade from Wyman 
 Brothers, and got four thousand cash there." 
 
 The younger man looked at him angrily. 
 
 "Look here, Wallingford; you're hitting it 
 up rather strong, ain't you? This makes six 
 thousand five hundred, besides two thousand 
 you borrowed from me, that you have spent in 
 three months. You have squandered money 
 since you came here at the rate of three thou- 
 sand a month, besides all the bills I know 
 you owe, and still you are broke. How is it 
 possible!," 
 
 "That's my business," retorted Walling- 
 ford, and his face reddened with assumed an- 
 ger. "We are not going to discuss it. The 
 point is that I need money and must have it." 
 
 The automobile drew up at the door, and J. 
 Rufus, who was in his automobile suit, put on 
 his cap and riding coat. 
 
 82
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 " Where are you going?" 
 
 "Over to Bayling." 
 
 Lamb frowned. Eayling was sixty miles 
 away. 
 
 "And you will not be back until midnight, 
 I suppose." 
 
 "Hardly." 
 
 "Why, confound it, man, you can't go!" ex- 
 claimed Lamb. "They're waiting for you now 
 over at the machine shop, for further instruc- 
 tions on the covering device." 
 
 "They'll have to wait!" announced J. Rufus, 
 and stalked out of the door. 
 
 The thing had been deliberately followed up. 
 Mr. Wallingford had come to the point where 
 he wished his flock to know that he had no 
 financial resources whatever, and that they 
 would have to support him. It was the first 
 time that he had departed from his suavity, 
 and he left Lamb in a panic. He had been 
 gone scarcely more than an hour when David 
 Jasper came in. 
 
 "Where is Wallingford?" he asked. 
 
 "Gone out for an automobile trip." 
 
 "When will he be back?" 
 
 "Not to-day." 
 
 Jasper's face was white, but the flush of 
 slow anger was creeping upon his cheeks. 
 
 83
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 "Well, he ought to be; his note is due.** 
 
 "What note?'* inquired Lamb, startled. 
 
 "His note for a thousand dollars that I went 
 security on.*' 
 
 "You might just as well renew it, or pay it. 
 I had to renew mine," said Lamb. "Dave, 
 the man is a four-flusher, without a cent to fall 
 back on. I just found it out this morning. 
 Why didn't you tell me that he was borrowing 
 money of you?" 
 
 "Why didn't you tell me he was borrowing 
 money of you?" retorted his friend. 
 
 They looked at each other hotly for a mo- 
 ment, and then both laughed. The big man 
 was too much for them to comprehend. 
 
 "We are both cutting our eye teeth," Lamb 
 decided. "I wonder how many more he's bor- 
 rowed money from." 
 
 "Lewis, for one. He got fifteen hundred 
 from him. Lewis told me this morning, up at 
 Kriegler's." 
 
 Lamb began figuring. To the eight thou- 
 sand five hundred of which he already knew, 
 here was twenty-five hundred more to be 
 added eleven thousand dollars that the man 
 had spent in three months! Some bills, of 
 course, he had paid, but the rest of it had gone 
 as the wind blew. It seemed impossible that a 
 
 M
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 man could spend money at the rate of one 
 hundred and twenty-five dollars a day, but this 
 one had done it, and that at first was the point 
 which held them aghast, to the forgetting of 
 their own share in it. They could not begin 
 to understand it until Lamb recalled one inci- 
 dent that had impressed him. Wallingford 
 had taken his wife and two friends to the opera 
 one night. They had engaged a private din- 
 ing room at the hotel, indulging in a dinner 
 that, with flowers and wines, had cost over a 
 hundred dollars. Their seats had cost fifty. 
 There had been a supper afterward where the 
 wine flowed until long past midnight. Alto- 
 gether, that evening alone had cost not less 
 than three hundred dollars and the man lived 
 at that gait all the time! In his home, even 
 when himself and wife were alone, seven-course 
 dinners were served. Huge fowls were carved 
 for but the choicest slices, were sent away from 
 the table and never came back again in any 
 form. Expensive wines were opened and left 
 uncorked after two glasses, because some 
 whim had led the man to prefer some other 
 brand. 
 
 Lamb looked up from his figuring with an 
 expression so troubled that his older friend, 
 groping as men will do for cheering words, hit 
 
 85
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 upon the idea that restored them both to their 
 equilibrium. 
 
 "After all," suggested Jasper, "it's none 
 of our business. The company is all right." 
 
 "That's so," agreed Lamb, recovering his 
 enthusiasm in a bound. "The tack itself can't 
 be beat, and we are making progress toward 
 getting on the market. Suppose the man were 
 to sell all his stock. It wouldn't make any dif- 
 ference, so long as he finishes that one machine 
 for covering the tack." 
 
 "He's a liar!" suddenly burst out David 
 Jasper. "I wish he had his machinery done 
 and was away from us. I can't sleep well 
 when I do business with a liar." 
 
 "We don't want to get rid of him yet," 
 Lamb reminded him, "and, in the meantime, 
 I suppose he will have to have money in order 
 to keep him at work. You'd better get him to 
 give you stock to cover your note and tell 
 Lewis to do the same. We'll all go after him 
 on that point, and get protected." 
 
 David looked troubled in his turn. 
 
 "I can't afford it. When I took up that 
 five thousand dollars' worth of stock I only 
 had fifteen hundred in the building loan, and 
 I put a mortgage on one of my houses to 
 make up the amount. If I have to stand this 
 
 86
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 thousand I'll have to give another mortgage, 
 and I swore I'd never put a plaster on my 
 property." 
 
 "The tack's good for it," urged Lamb, with 
 conviction. 
 
 "Yes, the tack's good," admitted Jasper. 
 
 That was the thing which held them all in 
 line the tack! Wallingford himself might be 
 a spendthrift and a ne'er-do-well, but their 
 faith in the tack that was to make them all 
 rich was supreme. Lamb picked up one from 
 his desk and handed it to his friend. The very 
 sight of it, with its silken covered top, imagi- 
 nation carrying it to its place in a carpet 
 where it would not show, was most reassuring, 
 and behind it, looming up like the immense 
 open cornucopia of Fortune herself, was the 
 Eureka Company, the concern that would buy 
 them out at any time for a million dollars if 
 they were foolish enough to sell. After all, 
 they had nothing to worry them. 
 
 David Jasper went up to the bank and had 
 them hold the note until the next day, which 
 they did without comment. David was "good" 
 for anything he wanted. The next day he got 
 hold of Wallingford to get him to renew the 
 note and to give him stock as security for it. 
 When J. Eufus came out of that transaction, 
 
 87
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 in which David had intended to be severe with 
 him, he had four thousand dollars in his pocket, 
 for he had transferred to his indorser five 
 thousand dollars of his stock and Jasper had 
 placed another mortgage on his property. 
 The single tack in his vest pocket had assumed 
 proportions far larger than his six cottages 
 and his home. It was the same with Lewis 
 and one of the others, and, for a week, 
 the inventor struggled with the covering 
 machine. 
 
 No one seemed to appreciate the fact that 
 here their genius was confronting a problem 
 that was most difficult of solution. To them 
 it meant a mere bit of mechanical juggling, as 
 certain to be accomplished as the simple proc- 
 ess of multiplication; but to glue a piece of 
 cloth to so minute and irregular a thing as the 
 head of a tack, to put it on firmly and leave it 
 trimmed properly at the edges, to do this trick 
 by machinery and at a rate rapid enough to 
 insure profitable operation, was a Herculean 
 task, and the stockholders would have been 
 aghast had they known that J. Rufus was in 
 no hurry to solve this last perplexity. He knew 
 better than to begin actual manufacture. The 
 interference report on the first patent led him 
 to make secret inquiries, the result of which 
 
 88
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 convinced him that the day they went on the 
 market would be the day that they would be 
 disrupted by vigorous suits, backed by millions 
 of capital. He had been right in stating that 
 a patent is of no value except as a basis for 
 lawsuits. 
 
 There was only one thing which offset his 
 shrewdness in realizing these conditions, and 
 that was his own folly. Had he been content 
 to devote himself earnestly to the accomplish- 
 ment even of his own ends, the many difficul- 
 ties into which he had floundered would never 
 have existed. Always there was the pressing 
 need for money. He was a colossal example of 
 the fact that easily gotten pelf is of no value. 
 His wife was shrewder than he. She had no 
 social aspirations whatever at this time. They 
 were both of them too bohemian of taste and 
 habit to conform to the strict rules which so- 
 ciety imposes in certain directions, even had 
 they been able to enter the charmed circle. 
 She cared only to dress as well as the best 
 and to go to such places of public entertain- 
 ment as the best frequented, to show herself 
 in jewels that would attract attention and in 
 gowns that would excite envy; but she did 
 tire of continuous suspense and she was not 
 without keenness of perception.
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 "Jim," she asked, one night, "how is your 
 business going?" 
 
 "You see me have money every day, don't 
 you? There's nothing you want, is there?" 
 was the evasive reply. 
 
 "Not a thing, except this: I want a vaca- 
 tion. I don't want to be wondering all my 
 life when the crash is to come. So far as I 
 have seen, this looks like a clean business ar- 
 rangement that you are in now; but, even if V 
 it is, it can't stand the bleeding that you are 
 giving it. If you are going to get out of this 
 thing, as you have left everything else you 
 were ever in, get out right away. Bealize 
 every dollar you can at once, and let us take 
 a trip abroad." 
 
 "I can't let go just yet," he replied. 
 
 She looked up, startled. 
 
 "Nothing wrong in this, is there, Jim?" 
 
 "Wrong!" he exclaimed. "Fanny, I never , 
 did anything in my life that the law could get 
 me for. The law is a friend of mine. It was 
 framed up especially for the protection of J. 
 Bufus Wallingford. I can shove ordinary 
 policemen off the sidewalk and make the chief 
 stand up and salute when I go past. The only 
 way I could break into a jail would be to buy 
 one." 
 
 90
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 She shook her head. 
 
 "You're too smart a man to stay out of jail, 
 Jim. The penitentiary is full of men who were 
 too clever to go there. You're a queer case, 
 anyhow. If you had buckled down to straight 
 business, with your ability you'd be worth ten 
 million dollars to-day." 
 
 He chuckled. 
 
 "Look at the fun I'd have missed, though." 
 
 But for once she would not joke about their 
 position. 
 
 "No," she insisted, "you're looking at it 
 wrong, Jim. You had to leave Boston; you 
 had to leave Baltimore; you had to leave 
 Philadelphia and Washington; you will have 
 to leave this town." 
 
 "Never mind, Fanny," he admonished her. 
 "There are fifty towns in the United States as 
 good as this, and they've got coin in every one 
 of them. They're waiting for me to come and 
 get it, and when I have been clear through 
 the list I'll start all over again. There's 
 always a fresh crop of bait-nibblers, and 
 money is being turned out at the mint every 
 day." 
 
 "Have it your own way," responded Mrs. 
 Wallingford; "but you will be wise if you take 
 my advice to accumulate some money while 
 
 91
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 you can this time, so that we do not have to 
 take a night train out in the suburbs, as we 
 did when we left Boston." 
 
 Mr. Wallingford returned no answer. He 
 opened the cellar door and touched the button 
 that flooded his wine cellar with light, going 
 down himself to hunt among his bottles for 
 the one that would tempt him most. Neverthe- 
 less, he did some serious thinking, and, at t^he 
 next board-of -directors' meeting, he announced 
 that the covering machine was well under way, 
 showing them drawings of a patent applica- 
 tion he was about to send off. 
 
 It was a hopeful sign one that restored con- 
 fidence. He must now organize a selling de- 
 partment and must have a Chicago branch. 
 They listened with respect, even with elation. 
 After all, while this man had deceived them 
 as to his financial standing when he first came 
 among them, he was well posted, for their bene- 
 fit, upon matters about which they knew noth- 
 ing. Moreover, there was the great tack! He 
 went to Chicago and appointed a Western 
 sales agent. When he came back he had sold 
 fifteen thousand dollars' worth of his stock 
 through the introductions gained him by this 
 man. 
 
 J. Eufus Wallingford was "cleaning up." 
 
 92
 
 CHAPTER VII 
 
 WHEREIN THE GREAT TACK INVENTOR SUDDENLY 
 DECIDES TO CHANGE HIS LOCATION 
 
 I 
 
 * ' Y N two weeks we will be ready for the 
 market," Wallingford told inquiring 
 members of the company every two 
 weeks, and, in the meantime, the model 
 for the covering device, in which change after 
 change was made, went on very slowly, while 
 the money went very rapidly. A half dozen 
 of the expensive stamping machines had al- 
 ready been installed, and the treasury was ex- 
 hausted. The directors began to look worried. 
 
 One morning, while Ella Jasper was at her 
 sweeping in the front room, the big red auto- 
 mobile chugged up to the gate and J. Eufus 
 Wallingford got out. He seemed gigantic as 
 he loomed up on the little front porch and 
 filled the doorway. 
 
 " Where is your father?" he asked her. 
 
 "He is over at Kriegler's," she told him, 
 and directed him how to find the little Ger- 
 man saloon where the morning "lunch club" 
 gathered. 
 
 93
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 Instead of turning, he stood still for a mo- 
 ment and looked her slowly from head to foot. 
 There was that in his look which made her 
 tremble, which made her flush with shame, 
 and when at last he turned away she sat down 
 in a chair and wept. 
 
 At Kriegler's, Wallingford found Jasper 
 and two other stockholders, and he drew them 
 aside to a corner table. For a quarter" of an 
 hour he was jovial with them, and once more 
 they felt the magnetic charm of his personal- 
 ity, though each one secretly feared that he 
 had come again for money. He had, but not 
 for himself. 
 
 "The treasury is empty," he calmly in- 
 formed them, during a convenient pause, 
 "and the Corley Machine Company insist 
 on having their bill paid. We owe them 
 two thousand dollars, and it will take five 
 thousand more to complete the covering 
 machine. ' ' 
 
 "YouVe been wasting money in the com- 
 pany as you do at home," charged David, flar- 
 ing up at once with long-suppressed grievances. 
 "You had thirty thousand cash to begin with. 
 I was down to the Corley Machine Company 
 myself, day before yesterday, and I saw a pile 
 of things you had them make and throw away 
 
 94
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 that they told me cost nearly five thousand 
 dollars. " 
 
 ''They didn't show you all of it," returned 
 Wallingford coolly. ''There's more. You 
 don't expect to perfect a machine without ex- 
 perimenting, do you? Now you let me alone in 
 this. I know my business, and no man can say 
 that I am not going after the best results in 
 the best way. You fellows figure on expense 
 as if we were conducting a harness shop or a 
 grocery store," he continued, whereat Jasper 
 and Lewis reddened with resentment of the 
 sort for which they could not find voice. 
 "Rent, light, power, and wages eat up money 
 every day," he reminded them, "and every 
 day's delay means that much more waste. We 
 must have money to complete this covering 
 machine, and we must have it at once. There 
 is twenty thousand dollars' worth of treasury 
 stock for sale, aside from the hundred thou- 
 sand held in reserve until we are ready to 
 manufacture. That extra stock must be sold 
 right away! I leave it to you," he concluded, 
 rising. "I'm not a stock salesman," and with 
 that brazen statement he left them. 
 
 The statement was particularly brazen be- 
 cause that very morning, after he left these 
 men, he disposed of a five-thousand-dollar 
 
 95
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 block of his own stock and turned the money 
 over to his wife before he returned to the of- 
 fice in the afternoon. Lamb received him in 
 a torrent of impatience. 
 
 "I feel like a cheat," he declared. "The 
 Corley people were over here agairi, and say 
 that they do not know us. They only know 
 our money, and they want some at once or they 
 will not proceed with the machinery." 
 
 "I have been doing what I could," replied 
 Wallingford. "I put the matter up to Jasper 
 and Lewis and Nolting this morning. I told 
 them they would have to sell the extra treas- 
 ury stock." 
 
 "You did!" exclaimed Lamb. "Why did 
 you go to them! Why didn't you go out and 
 sell the stock yourself?" 
 
 "I am not a stock salesman, my boy." 
 
 "You have been active enough in selling 
 your private stock," charged Lamb. 
 
 "That's my business," retorted Mr. Wal- 
 lingford. "I am strictly within my legal rights 
 in disposing of my own stock. It is my prop- 
 erty, to do with as I please." 
 
 "It is obtaining money under false pre- 
 tenses, for until you have completed this ma- 
 chinery and made a market for our goods, the 
 stock you have sold is not worth the paper it 
 
 96
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 is printed on. It represents no value what- 
 ever. ' ' 
 
 "It represents as much value as treasury 
 stock or any other stock," retorted Mr. Wal- 
 lingford. "By the way, make a transfer of 
 this fifty-share certificate to Thomas D. 
 Caldwell." 
 
 "Caldwell!" exclaimed Lamb. "Why, he is 
 one of the very men we have been trying to 
 interest in some of this treasury stock. He is 
 of our lodge. Last week we had him almost 
 in the notion, but he backed out." 
 
 "When the right man came along he 
 bought," said Wallingford, and laughed. 
 
 "This money should have gone into our de- 
 pleted treasury," Lamb declared hotly. "I 
 refuse to make the transfer." 
 
 "I don't care; it's nothing to me. I have 
 the money and I shall turn over this certifi- 
 cate to Mr. Caldwell. When he demands the 
 transfer you will have to make it." 
 
 "There ought to be some legal way to com- 
 pel this sale to be made of treasury stock." 
 
 ' ' Possibly, ' ' admitted Mr. Wallingford ; * ' but 
 there isn't. You will find, my boy, that every- 
 thing I do is strictly within the pale of the 
 law. I can go into any court and prove that 
 I am an honest man." 
 
 7 Wallingford 97
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 Lamb sprang angrily from his chair. 
 
 "You're a thief," he charged, his eyes 
 flashing. 
 
 "I'm not drawing any salary for it," re- 
 plied Wallingford, and Lamb halted his anger 
 with a sickened feeling. The two hundred 
 dollars a month that he had been drawing lay 
 heavily upon his conscience. 
 
 "I'm going to ask for a reduction in my 
 pay at the next meeting," he declared. "I 
 cannot take the money with a clear conscience." 
 
 "That's up to you," replied Wallingford; 
 "but I want to remind you that unless money 
 is put into this treasury within a day or so the 
 works are stopped," and he went out to climb 
 into his auto, leaving the secretary to some 
 very sober thought. 
 
 Well, Lamb reflected, what was there to do? 
 But one thing: raise the money by the sale of 
 treasury stock to replenish their coffers and 
 carry on the work. He wished he could see 
 his friend Jasper. The wish was like sorcery, 
 for no more was it uttered than David and Mr. 
 Lewis came in. They were deeply worried 
 over the condition into which affairs had been 
 allowed to drift, but Lamb had cooled down by 
 this time. He allowed them to hold an indig- 
 nation meeting for a time, but presently he 
 
 98
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 reminded them that, after all, no matter what 
 else was right or wrong, it would be neces- 
 sary to raise money that the machine must 
 be finished. They went over to the shop to 
 look at it. The workmen were testing it by 
 hand when they arrived, and it was working 
 with at least a fair degree of accuracy. The 
 inspection committee did not know that the 
 device was entirely impractical. All that they 
 saw was that it produced the result of a fin- 
 ished tack with a cover of colored cloth glued 
 tightly to its head, and to them its operation 
 was a silent tribute to the genius of the man 
 they had been execrating. They came away 
 encouraged. It was Mr. Lewis who expressed 
 the opinion which was gaining ground with all 
 of them. 
 
 ''After all," he declared, "we're bound to 
 admit that he's a big man." 
 
 The result was precisely what Wallingford 
 had foreseen. These men, to save their com- 
 pany, to save the money they had already in- 
 vested, raised ten thousand dollars among 
 them. David Jasper put another five-thou- 
 sand-dollar mortgage on his property; Mr. 
 Lewis raised two thousand, and Edward Lamb 
 three thousand, and with this money they 
 bought of the extra treasury stock to that 
 
 99
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 amount. J. Rufus Wallingford returned in 
 the morning. The stock lay open for him to 
 sign; there was ten thousand dollars in the 
 treasury, and a check to the Corley Machine 
 Company, already signed by the treasurer, was 
 also awaiting his signature. 
 
 The eight thousand dollars that was left 
 went at a surprisingly rapid rate, for, with a 
 love for polished detail, Wallingford had or- 
 dered large quantities of shipping cases, 
 stamps to burn the company's device upon 
 them, japanned steel signs in half a dozen 
 colors to go with each shipment, and many 
 other expensive incidentals, besides the ex- 
 perimental work. There were patent applica- 
 tions and a host of other accumulating bills 
 that gave Lamb more worry and perplexity 
 than he had known in all his fifteen years of 
 service with the Dorman Company. The next 
 replenishment was harder. To get the re- 
 maining ten thousand dollars in the treasury, 
 the already committed stockholders scraped 
 around among their friends to the remotest 
 acquaintance, and placed scrip no longer in 
 blocks of five thousand, but of ten shares, of 
 five N shares, even in driblets of one and two 
 hundred dollars, until they had absorbed all 
 the extra treasury stock ; and in that time Wal- 
 
 100
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 lingford, by appointing a St. Louis agent, had 
 managed to dispose of twenty thousand dol- 
 lars' worth of his own holdings. He was still 
 "cleaning up," and he brought in his transfer 
 certificates with as much nonchalance as if he 
 were turning in orders for tacks. 
 
 Eapid as he now was, however, he did not 
 work quite fast enough. He had still some 
 fifteen thousand dollars' worth of personal 
 stock when, early one morning, a businesslike 
 gentleman stepped into the office where Lamb 
 sat alone at work, and presented his card. It 
 told nothing beyond the mere fact that he was 
 an attorney. 
 
 ''Well, Mr. Book, what can I do for you?" 
 asked Lamb pleasantly, though not without 
 apprehension. He wondered what J. Eufus had 
 been doing. 
 
 "Are you an officer of the Universal Covered 
 Tack Company?" inquired Mr. Book. 
 
 "The secretary; Edward Lamb." 
 
 "Quite so. Mr. Lamb, I represent the Invis- 
 ible Carpet Tack Company, and I bring you 
 their formal notification to cease using their 
 device;" whereupon he delivered to Edward a 
 document. "The company assumes that you 
 are not thoroughly posted as to its article of 
 manufacture, nor as to its patents covering it," 
 
 101
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 he resumed. "They have been on the market 
 three years with this product." 
 
 From his pocket he took a fancifully embel- 
 lished package, and, opening it, he poured two 
 or three tacks into Edward's hand. With dis- 
 may the secretary examined one of them. It 
 was an ordinary carpet tack, such as they were 
 about to make, but with a crimson-covered top. 
 Dazed, scarcely knowing what he was doing, he 
 mechanically took his knife from his pocket and 
 cut the cloth from it. The head was roughened 
 for gluing precisely as had been planned for 
 their own! 
 
 "Assuming, as I say, that you are not aware 
 of the encroachment," the attorney went on, 
 "the Invisible Company does not desire to let 
 you invite prosecution, but wishes merely to 
 warn you against attempting to put an infringe- 
 ment of their goods on the market. They have 
 plenty of surplus capital, and are prepared to 
 defend their rights with all of it, if necessary. 
 Should you wish to communicate with me or 
 have your counsel do so, my address is on that 
 card," and, leaving the paper of tacks behind 
 him, Mr. Book left the office. 
 
 Without taking the trouble to investigate, 
 Lamb knew instinctively that the lawyer was 
 right, an opinion which later inquiry all too 
 
 108
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 thoroughly corroborated. For three years the 
 Invisible Carpet Tack Company had been sup- 
 plying precisely the article the Universal Com- 
 pany was then striving to perfect. What there 
 was of that trade they had and would keep, and 
 a sickening realization came to the secretary 
 that it meant a total loss to himself and his 
 friends of practically everything they pos- 
 sessed. The machinery in which their money 
 was invested was special machinery that could 
 be used for no other purpose, and was worth 
 but little more than the price of scrap iron. 
 Every cent that they had invested was gone! 
 
 His first thought was for David Jasper. As 
 for himself, he was young yet. He could stand 
 the loss of five thousand. He could go back to 
 Dormant, take his old position and be the more 
 valuable for his ripened experience, and there 
 was always a chance that a minor partnership 
 might await him there after a few more years; 
 but as for Jasper, his day was run, his sun had 
 set. It was a hard task that confronted the 
 secretary, but he must do it. He called up 
 Kriegler's and asked for David Jasper, and 
 when David came to the telephone he told him 
 what had happened. Over and over, carefully 
 and point by point, he had to explain it, for his 
 friend could not believe, since he could not even 
 
 103
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 bomprehend, the blow that had fallen upon him. 
 Suddenly, Lamb found there was no answer to 
 a question that he asked. He called anxiously 
 again and again. He could hear only a con- 
 fused murmur in the 'phone. There were 
 tramping feet and excited voices, and he 
 gathered that the receiver was left dangling, 
 that no one held it, that no one listened to what 
 he said. Hastily putting on his coat and hat, 
 he locked the office and took a car for the North 
 Side. 
 
 J. Bufus Wallingford himself was busy that 
 morning, and in the North Side, too. His huge 
 car whirled past the little frame houses that 
 were covered with mortgages which would 
 never be lifted, and stopped before the home 
 of David Jasper. His jaw was hanging loosely, 
 his big, red face was bloated and splotched, and 
 his small eyes were bloodshot, though they 
 glowed with a somber fire. He had been out 
 all night, and this was one of the few times he 
 had been indiscreet enough to carry his ex- 
 cesses over into the morning; usually he was 
 alcohol proof. At first, blinking and blearing 
 in the sunlight, he had been numb; but an 
 hour's swift ride in the fresh air of the country 
 had revived him, while the ascending sun had 
 started into life again the fumes of the wine 
 
 104
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 that he had drunk, so that all of the evil within 
 him had come uppermost without the restrain- 
 ing caution that belonged to his sober hours. 
 In his abnormal condition the thought had 
 struck him that now was the time for the final 
 coup that he would dispose of his remaining 
 shares of stock at a reduced valuation and get 
 away, at last, from the irksome tasks that con- 
 fronted him, from the dilemma that was slowly 
 but surely encompassing him. In pursuance 
 of this idea it had occurred to him, as it never 
 would have done in his sober moments, that 
 David Jasper could still raise money and that 
 he could still be made to do so. Lumbering 
 back to the kitchen door, he knocked upon it, 
 and Ella Jasper opened it. Ella had finished 
 her morning 's work hurriedly, for she intended 
 to go downtown shopping, and was already 
 preparing to dress. Her white, rounded arms 
 were bared to the elbow, and her collar was 
 turned in with a "V" at the throat. 
 
 The somber glow in Wallingford's eyes 
 leaped into flame, and, without stopping to 
 question her, he pushed his way into the 
 kitchen, closing the door behind him. He 
 lurched suddenly toward her, and, screaming, 
 she flew through the rooms toward the front 
 door. She would have gained the door easily 
 
 105
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 enough, and, in fact, had just reached it, when 
 it opened from the outside, and her father, ac- 
 companied by his friend Lewis, came suddenly 
 in. For half an hour, up at Kriegler's, they had 
 been restoring David from the numb half- 
 trance in which he had dropped the receiver 
 of the telephone, and even now he swayed as 
 he walked, so that his condition could scarcely 
 have been told from that of Wallingford when 
 the latter had come through the gate. But 
 there was this difference between them: the 
 strength of Wallingford had been dissipated; 
 that of Jasper had been merely suspended. It 
 was a mental wrench that had rendered him 
 for the moment physically incapable. Now, 
 however, when he saw the author of all his 
 miseries, a hoarse cry of rage burst from him, 
 and before his eyes there suddenly seemed to 
 surge a red mist. Hale and sturdy still, a 
 young man in physique, despite his sixty years, 
 he sprang like a tiger at the adventurer who 
 had wrecked his prosperity and who now had 
 held his home in contempt. 
 
 There was no impact of strained bodies, as 
 when two warriors meet in mortal combat; as 
 when attacker and defender prepare to measure 
 prowess. Instead, the big man, twice the size 
 and possibly twice the lifting and striking 
 
 106
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 strength of David Jasper, having on his side, 
 too, the advantage of being in what should have 
 been the summit of life, shrank back, pale to 
 the lips, suddenly whimpering and crying for 
 mercy. It was only a limp, resistless man of 
 blubber that David Jasper had hurled himself 
 upon, and about whose throat his lean, strong 
 fingers had clutched, the craven gurgling still 
 his appeals for grace. Ordinarily this would 
 have disarmed a man like David Jasper, for dis- 
 gust alone would have stayed his hand, have 
 turned his wrath to loathing, his righteous 
 vengefulness to nausea; but now he was blind, 
 blood-mad, and he bore the huge spineless lump 
 of moral putty to the floor by the force of his 
 resistless onrush. 
 
 "Man!" Lewis shouted in his ear. "Man, 
 there's a law against that sort of thing!" 
 
 "Law!" screamed David Jasper. "Law! 
 Did it save me my savings? Let me alone!" 
 
 The only result of the interference was to 
 alter the direction of his fury, and now, with 
 his left hand still gripping the throat of his 
 despoiler, his stalwart fist rained down blow 
 after blow upon the hated, fat-jowled face that 
 lay beneath him. It was a brutal thing, and, 
 even as she strove to coax and pull her father 
 away, Ella was compelled to avert her face. 
 
 107
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 The smacking impact of those bloWs made her 
 turn faint; but, even so, she had wit enough 
 to close the front door, so that morbid curiosity 
 should not look in upon them nor divine her 
 father's madness. Just as she returned to him, 
 however, and even while his fist was upraised 
 for another stroke at that sobbing coward, a 
 spasmodic twitch crossed his face as he gasped 
 deeply for air, and he toppled to the floor, inert 
 by the side of his enemy. Age had told at last. 
 In spite of an abstemious life, the unwonted ex- 
 ertion and the unwonted passion had wreaked 
 their punishment upon him. 
 
 It was David's friend Lewis who, with white, 
 set face, helped Wallingford to his feet, and, 
 without a word, scornfully shoved him toward 
 the door, throwing his crumpled hat after him 
 as he passed out. With blood upon his face 
 and two rivulets of tears streaming down 
 across it, J. Eufus Wallingford, the suave, the 
 gentleman for whom all good things of earth 
 were made and provided, ran sobbing, with 
 downstretched quivering lips, to his auto- 
 mobile. The chauffeur jumped out for a 
 moment to get the hat and to dip his kerchief 
 in the stream that he turned on for a moment 
 from the garden hydrant; coming back to the 
 machine, he handed the wet kerchief to his 
 
 108
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 master, then, without instructions, he started 
 home. When his back was thoroughly turned, 
 the chauffeur, despite that he had been well 
 paid and extravagantly tipped during all the 
 months of his fat employment, smiled, and 
 smiled, and kept on smiling, and had all he 
 could do to prevent his shoulders from heaving. 
 He was gratified was Frank pleased in his 
 two active senses of justice and of humor. 
 
 Just as the automobile turned the corner, 
 Edward Lamb came running down the street 
 from Kriegler's, where he had gone first to find 
 out what had happened, and he met Mr. Lewis 
 going for a doctor. Without stopping to ex- 
 plain, Lewis jerked his thumb in the direction 
 of the house, and Edward, not knocking, 
 dashed in at the door. They had laid David on 
 his bed in the front room, and his daughter 
 bent over him, bathing his brow with camphor. 
 David was speechless, but his eyes were open 
 now, and the gleam of intelligence was in them. 
 As their friend came to the bedside, Ella 
 looked around at him. She tried to gaze up 
 at him unmoved as he stood there so young, so 
 strong, so dependable; she strove to look into 
 his eyes bravely and frankly, but it had been 
 a racking time, in which her strength had been 
 sorely tested, and she swayed slightly toward 
 
 109
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 him. Edward Lamb caught his sister in his 
 arms, but when her head was pillowed for an 
 instant upon his shoulder and the tears burst 
 forth, lo! the miracle happened. The foolish 
 scales fell so that he could see into his own 
 heart, and detect what had lain there unnamed 
 for many a long year and Ella Jasper was his 
 sister no longer! 
 
 "There, there, dear," he soothed her, and 
 smoothed her tresses with his broad, gentle 
 palm. 
 
 The touch and the words electrified her. 
 Smiling through her tears, she ventured to look 
 up at him, and he bent and kissed her solemnly 
 and gently upon the lips; then David Jasper, 
 lying there upon his bed, with all his little 
 fortune gone and all his sturdy vigor vanished, 
 saw, and over his wan lips there flickered the 
 trace of a satisfied smile. 
 
 Hidden that night in a stateroom on a fast 
 train, J. Eufus Wallingford and his wife, with 
 but such possessions as they could carry in their 
 suit cases and one trunk, whirled eastward. 
 
 no
 
 CHAPTER 
 
 ME. WALLINGFORD TAKES A DOSE OP HIS OWN 
 BITTER MEDICINE 
 
 AS the lights of the railroad yard, red 
 and white and green, slid by, so 
 passed out of the ken of these fugitives 
 all those who had contributed to their 
 luxury through the medium of the Universal 
 Covered Carpet Tack Company. Lamb, Jasper, 
 Lewis, Nolting, Ella; what were all these 
 people to them? What were any living crea- 
 tures except a part of the always moving 
 panorama which composed the background of 
 their lives? Nomads always since their mar- 
 riage, when Mrs. Wallingford as a girl had run 
 away from home that was no home to join this 
 cheerful knave of fortune, they had known no 
 resting place, no spot on earth that called to 
 them; had formed no new ties and made no new 
 friendships. Where all the world seemed 
 anchored they were ever flitting on, and the 
 faces that they knew belonged but to the more 
 or less vivid episodes by which the man strove 
 after such luxurious ideals as he had. Only 
 
 ill
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 a few of the dubious acquaintances which Wal- 
 lingford had formed in his earlier days of ad- 
 venture remained for them to greet as they 
 paused before fresh flights afield. "Blackie" 
 Daw, who had recently removed his "office" 
 from Boston to New York, was the most con- 
 stant of these, and him they entertained in one 
 of the most exclusive hostelries in the me- 
 tropolis soon after their arrival. Mr. Walling- 
 ford's face still bore traces of the recent conflict. 
 
 "Fanny's the girl!" he declared with his 
 hand resting affectionately on his wife's 
 shoulder, after he had detailed to Mr. Daw 
 how he had squeezed the covered carpet tack 
 dry of its possibilities. "She's little Mamie 
 Bright, all right. For once we got away with 
 it. I'm a piker, I know, but twenty-eight 
 thousand in yellow, crinkly boys to the good, 
 all sewed up in Fanny's skirt till we ripped it 
 out and soused it in a deposit vault, isn't so 
 bad for four months' work; and now we're on 
 our way to ruin Monte Carlo." 
 
 "You're all to the mustard," admired 
 Blackie; "you're the big noise and the blind- 
 ing flash. As I say, I'd go into some legitimate 
 line myself if I wasn't honest. What bites me, 
 though, is that you got all that out of my 
 little Lamb and his easy friends." 
 
 112
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 "Easy! Um m m m," commented Mr. 
 Wallingford frowningly, as he unconsciously 
 rubbed the tips of his fingers over the black 
 puff under his right eye. "You've got it wrong. 
 I like to sting the big people best. They take 
 it like a dentist's pet; but when you tap one 
 of these pikers for a couple of mean little thou- 
 sands he howls like a steam calliope. One old 
 pappy guy started to take it out of my hide, 
 and he tried so hard it gave him paralysis." 
 
 Mr. Daw laughed in sympathy. 
 
 "You must have had a lively get-away, to 
 judge from the marks the mill left on you ; but 
 why this trip across the pond? Are they after 
 you?" 
 
 "After me!" scorned J. Eufus. "There's no 
 chance! Why, I never did a thing in my life 
 that stepped outside the law ! ' ' 
 
 "But you lean way over the fence," charged 
 Blackie with a knowing nod, "and some of 
 these days the palings will break." 
 
 "By that time I'll have enough soft money 
 in front of me to ease my fall," announced 
 Wallingford confidently. "I'm for that get- 
 rich-quick game, and you can just bank on me 
 as a winner." 
 
 "You'll win all right," agreed Blackie con- 
 fidently, looking at his watch, "but you're like 
 
 S-Wallinaford 113
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 the rest of us. You'll have to die real sudden 
 if you want to leave anything to your widow. 
 That's the trouble with this quick money. It's 
 lively or you wouldn't catch it on the wing, 
 and it stays so lively after you get it." 
 
 He arose as he concluded this sage observa- 
 tion and buttoned his coat. 
 
 "But you're going to stay to dinner with 
 us?" insisted Mrs. Wallingford. 
 
 "No," he returned regretfully. "I'd like to, 
 but business is business. I have an engage- 
 ment to trim a deacon in Podunk this evening. 
 Give my regards to the Prince of Monaco." 
 
 It was scarcely more than a week afterwards 
 when he somberly turned in at the bar room of 
 that same hotel, and almost bumped into Wal- 
 lingford, who was as somberly coming out. For 
 a moment they gazed at each other in amaze- 
 ment and then both laughed. 
 
 "You must have gone over and back by wire- 
 less," observed Blackie. "What turned up?" 
 
 "Stung!" exclaimed J. Rufus with deep 
 self-scorn. "I got an inside tip on some cop- 
 per stock the evening you left, and the next 
 morning I looked up a broker and he broke 
 me. He had just started up in the bucket-shop 
 business and I was his first customer. He 
 didn't wait for any more. That's all." 
 
 114
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 Daw laughed happily, and he was still laugh- 
 ing when they entered the drawing room of 
 Wallingf ord 's suite. 
 
 "It's the one gaudy bet that the biggest 
 suckers of all are the wise people," he observed. 
 "Here you go out West and trim a bunch of 
 come-ons for twenty-five thousand, and what do 
 you do next? Oh, just tarry here long enough 
 to tuck that neat little bundle into the pocket 
 of a bucket-shop broker that throws away the 
 bucket! You'd think he was the wise boy, 
 after that, but he'll drop your twenty-five 
 thousand on a wire-tapping game, and the wire 
 tapper will buy gold bricks with it. The gold- 
 brick man will give it to the bookies and the 
 bookies will lose it on stud poker. I'm a Billy 
 goat myself. I clean up ten thousand last 
 week on mining stock that permits Mr. Easy 
 Mark to mine if he wants to, and I pay it right 
 over last night for the fun of watching a faro 
 expert deal from a sanded deck! Mel Cleaned 
 with-out soap!" 
 
 "You don't mean to say you're broke, too?" 
 demanded his host. 
 
 "If I had any less they'd arrest me for 
 loitering. ' ' 
 
 Mr. Wallingford glowered upon his twenty- 
 dollar-a-day apartments with a sigh. The 
 
 115
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 latest in heavy lace curtains fluttered at him 
 from the windows, thick rugs yielded to his 
 feet, all the frippery of Louis-Quinze, while it 
 mocked his bigness, ministered to his comfort 
 but waited to be paid for! 
 
 "You don't look as good to me as you did 
 a while ago, ' ' he declared. " I 'd figured on you 
 for a sure touch, for now it's back to the Rube 
 patch for us. Fanny!" 
 
 "Yes, Jim," answered a pleasant voice, and 
 Mrs. Wallingford, in a stunning gown which, 
 supplementing her hair and eyes, made of her 
 a symphony in brown, came from the adjoining 
 room. She shook hands cordially with Mr. 
 Daw and sat down with an inquiring look at 
 her husband. 
 
 "It's time for us to take up a collection," said 
 the latter gentleman. "We're going ay-wye." 
 
 "Ya-as, ay- wye from he-a7i/" supplemented 
 Blackie to no one in particular. 
 
 "Won't your ring and scarf pin do?" his 
 wife inquired anxiously of Mr. Wallingford. A 
 "collection," in their parlance, meant the sac- 
 rifice of a last resource, and she was a woman 
 of experience. 
 
 "You know they won't," he returned in mild 
 reproach. "If I don't keep a front I know 
 where my ticket reads to; the first tank!" 
 
 116
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Without any further objection she brought 
 him a little black leather case, which he opened. 
 An agreeable glitter sparkled from its velvet 
 depths, and he passed it to his friend with a 
 smile of satisfaction. 
 
 " They '11 please Uncle, eh, Blackie?" he ob- 
 served. "The first thing to do, after I cash 
 these, is to look at the map and pick out a 
 fresh town where smart people have money in 
 banks. It always helps a lot to remember that 
 somewhere in this big United States people 
 have been saving up coin for years, just wait- 
 ing for us to come and get it." 
 
 The two men laughed, but Mrs. Wallingford 
 did not. 
 
 ' * Honest, I 'm tired of it, ' ' she confessed. ' l If 
 this speculation of Jim's had only turned out 
 luckily I wanted to buy a little house and live 
 quietly and and decently for a year or BO." 
 
 Mr. Daw glanced at her in amusement. 
 
 "She wants to be respectable!" he gasped 
 in mock surprise. 
 
 "All women do," she said, still earnestly. 
 
 "You wouldn't last three months," he in- 
 formed her. "You'd join the village sewing 
 circle and the culture club, and paddle around 
 in a giddy whirl of pale functions till you saw 
 you had to keep your mouth shut all the time 
 
 117
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 for fear the other women would find out you 
 knew something. Then you'd quit." 
 
 "You talk as if you had been crossed in 
 love," she consoled him. 
 
 "That's because I'm in pain," confessed 
 Blackie. "It hasn't been an hour since I saw 
 a thousand dollars in real money, and the tele- 
 graph company jerked it away from me just as 
 I reached out to bring it home." 
 
 "7s there that much money in the world?" 
 inquired Wallingford. 
 
 "Not loose," replied Blackie. "I thought I 
 had this lump pried off, but now it's got a 
 double padlock on it and to-night it starts far, 
 far back to that dear old metropolis of the Big 
 Thick Water, where the windy river looks like 
 a fresh-plowed field. But they've coin out 
 there, and every time I think of Mr. James 
 Clover and his thousand I'm tempted to go 
 down to his two-dollar hotel and coax him up 
 a dark alley." 
 
 "Who does Mr. Clover do?" inquired Wal- 
 lingford perfunctorily. 
 
 Blackie 's sense of humor came uppermost to 
 soothe his anguished feelings. 
 
 "He's the Supreme Exalted Ruler of the 
 Noble Order of Friendly Hands," he grinned, 
 "and his twenty-six members at three or eleven 
 
 118
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 cents a month don't turn in the money fast 
 enough; so he took a chance on the cold-iron 
 cage and brought a chunk of the insurance re- 
 serve fund to New York to double it. I picked 
 myself out to do the doubling for him. ' ' 
 
 Mr. Wallingford chuckled. 
 
 "I know,'* he said. "To double it you fold 
 the bills when you put them in your pocket, 
 and when Clover wanted it back you'd have 
 him pinched for a common thief. But how did 
 it get away? I'm disappointed in you, Blackie. 
 I thought when you once saw soft money it 
 was yours." 
 
 "Man died in his town. If he'd only put it 
 off for one day the whole burg could have 
 turned into a morgue, for I don't need it. But 
 no! The man died, and the Supreme Exalted 
 Secretary wired the Supreme Exalted Euler. 
 The telegram was brought to his room just 
 when I had the hook to his gills, and he went 
 down stream! It was perfectly scandalous 
 the names we called that man for having died, 
 but it takes a long time to cuss a thousand dol- 
 lars' worth." 
 
 Mr. Wallingford was thoughtful. 
 
 "A fraternal insurance company," he mused. 
 "I've never taken a fall out of that game, and 
 it sounds good. This gifted amateur's going 
 
 119
 
 GET-ltlGH-QUICK 
 
 out to-night? Hustle right down to his hotel 
 and bring him up to dinner. Tell him I've 
 been thinking of going into the insurance field 
 and might be induced to buy a share in his 
 business. I've a notion to travel along with 
 that thousand dollars to-night, no matter where 
 it goes. O Fanny!" he called again to his 
 wife in the other room. "Suppose you begin 
 to pack up while I step out and soak the 
 diamonds. ' ' 
 
 That was how Mr. James Clover came to ob- 
 tain some startling new ideas about insurance; 
 also about impressiveness. When Mr. Wal- 
 lingf ord in a dinner coat walked into any public 
 dining room, waiters were instantly electrified 
 and ordinary mortals felt humble. His broad 
 expanse of white shirt front awed the most 
 self-satisfied into instant submission, and he 
 carried himself as one who was monarch of all 
 he surveyed. This was due to complacency, 
 for though bills might press and cash be scarce, 
 there never stood any line of worry upon his 
 smooth brow. Worry was for others those 
 who would have to pay. Mr. Clover, himself of 
 some bulk but of no genuine lordliness what- 
 ever, no sooner set eyes upon Mr. J. Rufus 
 Wallingford than he felt comforted. Here was 
 wealth unlimited, and if this opuleit being
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 could possibly be induced to finance the Noble 
 Order of Friendly Hands, he saw better skies 
 ahead, bright skies that shone down on a fair, 
 fruitful world' where all was prosperity and 
 plenty. Mr. Clover was a block-like man with 
 a square face and a heavy fist, with a loud voice 
 and a cultivated oratorical habit of speech 
 which he meant to be awe-inspiring. Behind 
 him there was a string of failures that were a 
 constant source of wonderment to him, since he 
 had not been too scrupulous! 
 
 "He'd be a crook if he knew how; but he 
 stumbles over his feet," Blackie confided to 
 Wallingford. To Clover he said: "Look out 
 for the big man. He's a pretty smooth article, 
 and you'll miss the gold out of your teeth if 
 you don't watch him." 
 
 It was a recommendation, and a shrewd one. 
 Mr. Clover was prepared by it to be impressed ; 
 he ended by becoming a dazed worshiper, and 
 his conquest began when his host ordered the 
 dinner. It was not merely what he ordered, 
 but how, that stamped him as one who habit- 
 ually dined well; and to Clover, who had al- 
 ways lived upon a beer basis, the ascent to the 
 champagne level was dizzying. It was not until 
 they had broached their second quart of wine 
 that business was brought up for discussion. 
 
 121
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "I understand youVe just had a bit of hard 
 luck, Mr. Clover," said Wallingford, laughing 
 as if hard luck were a joke. 
 
 Mr. Clover winced within, but put on a 
 cheerful air. 
 
 "Merely what was to have been expected," 
 he replied. "You refer, I suppose, to the death 
 of one of our members, but as our Order now 
 has a large enrollment we are only averaging 
 with the mortality tables." 
 
 "What is your membership?" asked the 
 other with sudden directness. 
 
 "At our present rate of progress," began Mr. 
 Clover, eloquently, squaring his shoulders and 
 looking Mr. Wallingford straight in the eye, 
 "thousands will have been enrolled upon our 
 books before the end of the coming year. Al- 
 ready we are perfecting a new and elaborate 
 filing system to take care of the business, which 
 is increasing by leaps and bounds. ' ' 
 
 Mr. Wallingford calmly closed one blue orb. 
 
 "But in chilly figures, discounting next year, 
 how many?" he asked. "Live ones, I mean, 
 that cough up their little dues every month." 
 
 The Supreme Exalted Euler squirmed and 
 smiled a trifle weakly. 
 
 "You might just as well tell me, you know," 
 insisted Mr. Wallingford, "because I shall 
 
 122
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 want to inspect your books if I buy in. Have 
 you a thousand?" 
 
 "Not quite," confessed Mr. Clover, in a voice 
 which, in spite of him, would sound a trifle 
 leaden. 
 
 "Have you five hundred?" persisted Mr. 
 Wallingford. 
 
 Mr. Clover considered, while the silent Mr. 
 Daw discreetly kept his face straight. 
 
 "Five hundred and seventeen," he blurted, 
 his face reddening. 
 
 "That isn't so bad," said Mr. Wallingford 
 encouragingly. "But how do you clinch your 
 rake-off?" 
 
 At this Mr. Clover could smile with smug con- 
 tent; he could swell with pride. 
 
 "Out our way, a little knothole in the regula- 
 tions was found by yours truly," he modestly 
 boasted. "Mine is somewhat different from 
 any insurance order on earth. The members 
 think they vote, but they don't. If they ever 
 elect another Supreme Exalted Ruler, all he 
 can do is to wear a brass crown and a red robe; 
 I'll still handle the funds. You see,' we've just 
 held our first annual election, and I had the en- 
 tire membership vote 'Yes' on a forever-and- 
 ever contract which puts our whole income 
 for safety, of course into the hands of a duly 
 
 123
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 bonded company. For ten cents a month from 
 each member this company is to pay all ex- 
 penses, to handle, invest and disburse its insur- 
 ance and other funds for the benefit of the 
 Order. It's like making a savings bank our 
 trustee; only it's different, because I'm the 
 company. ' ' 
 
 His host nodded in approval. 
 
 "You have other rake-offs," he suggested. 
 
 "Eight again!" agreed Clover with gleeful 
 enthusiasm. "Certificate fees, fines for delin- 
 quency, regalia company and all that. But the 
 main fountain is the little dime. Ten cents 
 seems like a cheap game, maybe, but when we 
 have two hundred and fifty thousand members, 
 that trifling ante amounts to twenty-five thou- 
 sand dollars a month. Bad, I guess!" 
 
 "When you get it," agreed the other. 
 "You're incorporated, then. For how much?" 
 
 "Ten thousand." 
 
 "I see," said Mr. Wallingford with a smile 
 of tolerance. "You need me, all right. You 
 ought to give me a half interest in your 
 business." 
 
 Mr. Clover's self-assertiveness came back to 
 him with a jerk. 
 
 "Anything else?" he asked pleasantly. 
 
 Mr. Wallingford beamed upon him. 
 
 124
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 "I might want a salary, but it would be 
 purely nominal; a hundred a week or so." 
 
 Mr. Clover was highly amused. The only 
 reason on earth that he would admit another 
 man to a partnership with him was that he 
 must have ready cash. His shoe soles were 
 wearing out. 
 
 "I'm afraid our business wouldn't suit you, 
 anyhow, Mr. Wallingf ord, " he said with 
 bantering sarcasm. "Our office is very 
 plain, for one thing, and we have no rug on 
 the floor." 
 
 "We'll put rugs down right away, and if the 
 offices are not as swell as they make 'em we'll 
 move," Wallingf ord promptly announced. "I 
 might give you two thousand for a half 
 interest. ' ' 
 
 Mr. Clover drank a glass of champagne and 
 considered. Two thousand dollars, at the pres- 
 ent stage of his finances, was real money. 
 The Noble Order of Friendly Hands had been 
 started on a "shoestring" of five hundred dol- 
 lars, and the profits of the Friendly Hands 
 Trust Company had been nil up to the pres- 
 ent time. This offer was more than a tempta- 
 tion ; it was a fall. 
 
 "Couldn't think of it," he nevertheless coldly 
 replied. "But I'll sell you half my stock at 
 
 125
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 par. The secretary has ten shares, and dummy 
 directors four. I hold eighty-six." 
 
 ' ' Forty-three hundred dollars ! ' ' figured Wal- 
 lingford. "And you'd charge me that for a 
 brick with the plating worn thin! You forget 
 the value of my expert services." 
 
 "What do you know about fraternal insur- 
 ance?" demanded Clover, who had reddened 
 under fire. 
 
 "Not a thing," confessed Mr. Wallingford. 
 "All I know is how to get money. If I go in 
 with you, the first thing we do is to reorganize 
 on a two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand-dollar 
 basis. ' ' 
 
 Mr. Clover pounded his fist upon the table 
 until the glasses rang, and laughed so loudly 
 that the head waiter shivered and frowned. 
 Seeing, however, that the noise came from Mr. 
 Wallingford 's corner, he smiled. He was venal, 
 was the head waiter, and he remembered the 
 pleasant, velvety rustle of a bill in his palm. 
 
 "That joke's good enough for a minstrel 
 show," Clover declared. "Why, man, even if 
 that stock could be sold, Gabriel's horn would 
 catch us still struggling to pay our first 
 dividend.'* 
 
 Mr. Wallingford lit a cigarette and smiled in 
 pity. 
 
 126
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 "Oh, well, if you figure on staying in the 
 business till you drop dead I won't wake you 
 up," he stated. "But I thought you wanted 
 money. ' ' 
 
 Mr. Clover shook his head. 
 
 "We have laws in my State, Mr. Walling- 
 ford." 
 
 "I should hope so," returned that gentle- 
 man. "If it wasn't for good, safe, solid laws I 
 never would make a cent. Why, the law's on 
 my side all the time, and the police are the 
 best friends I've got. They show me the way 
 home at night." 
 
 Mr. Clover looked incredulous. 
 
 "I'm afraid you don't understand the fra- 
 ternal insurance business," he insisted. "It 
 takes a lot of hard, patient work to build up 
 an order." 
 
 "You don't understand the business," re- 
 torted the other. "What, for instance, are 
 you going to do with that thousand dollars 
 you're taking back home?" 
 
 "Give it to the widow of Mr. Henry L. 
 Bishop, of course," said Mr. Clover, expand- 
 ing his chest and pursing his mouth virtuously. 
 "The widows and orphans who look to the 
 Noble Order of Friendly Hands for protec- 
 tion shall not look in vain." 
 
 127
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "That will look well in a prospectus," ad- 
 mitted Mr. Wallingford with a knowing twin- 
 kle of his eyes; "but I'm not going to take 
 out any insurance so you could notice it. 
 Suppose I show you how to have Mrs. Bishop 
 hand you back that thousand with sobs 
 of gratitude? Do I get two hundred and 
 fifty of it!" 
 
 "If you can do that legitimately/' said Mr. 
 Clover, leaning forward and surprised into 
 sudden warm eagerness, "I'll accept your 
 price for a half interest." 
 
 "I'll go with you to-night if I can get the 
 drawing-room on your train," decided Wal- 
 lingford, and arose. 
 
 The Supreme Exalted Euler gazed up at him 
 with profound admiration. He looked so much 
 like actual cash. He might be a "smooth arti- 
 cle," but was not one Clover also "smooth"? 
 He could guard the gold in his own teeth, all 
 right. 
 
 "You're a wonder, Jim," said Mr. Daw to 
 his friend when they were alone for a few min- 
 utes; "but where are you going to get that 
 two thousand?" 
 
 "Out of the business if I pay it at all," re- 
 plied Mr. Wallingford. "Trust your Uncle 
 Rufus." 
 
 128
 
 CHAPTER IX 
 
 MB. WALLINGFORD SHOWS MB. CLOVER HOW TO DO 
 THE WIDOWS AND ORPHANS GOOD 
 
 M 
 
 KS. BISHOP, a small, nervous-look- 
 ing woman of forty-five, with her 
 thin hair drawn back so tightly 
 from her narrow forehead that it 
 gave one the headache to look at her, was in 
 her dismal "front room" with her wrinkled 
 red hands folded in her lap when Mr. Walling- 
 ford and Mr. Clover called. It was only the 
 day after the funeral, and she broke into tears 
 the moment they introduced themselves. 
 
 "Madam," declaimed Mr. Clover in his 
 deepest and most sympathetic voice, "it is 
 the blessed privilege of the Noble Order of 
 Friendly Hands to dry the tears of the widows 
 and orphans, and to shed the light of hope 
 upon their disconsolate pathway. It is our 
 pleasure to bring you, as a testimonial of your 
 husband's affection and loving care, this check 
 for one thousand dollars." 
 
 Mrs. Bishop took the check and burst into 
 uncontrollable sobs, whereat Mr. Wallingford 
 
 9-WnlKngford 129
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 looked distinctly annoyed. If lie could help it, 
 he never, by any possibility, looked upon other 
 than the most cheerful aspects of life. 
 
 Mr. Clover cleared his throat. 
 
 "But the broad paternal interest of the 
 Noble Order of Friendly Hands does not stop 
 here," he went on, turning for a glance of 
 earned approval from J. Rufus Wallingford. 
 "The family of every member of our Order 
 becomes at once a ward of ours, and they may 
 look to us for assistance, advice, and benefit 
 in every way possible. We are a group of 
 friends, banded together for mutual aid in 
 time of trouble and sorrow." 
 
 Mr. Wallingford judged this magnificent 
 flight to be a quotation from the ritual of the 
 Noble Order of Friendly Hands, and he was 
 correct; but, as Mrs. Bishop had ventured to 
 look up at them, he nodded his head gravely. 
 
 "It is about that thousand dollars you hold 
 in your hand, Mrs. Bishop," Clover continued, 
 resuming his oratorical version of the lesson 
 he had carefully learned from Wallingford; 
 "and we feel it our duty to remind you that, 
 unless it is wisely used, the plans of your 
 thoughtful husband for your safe future will 
 not have been carried out. How had you 
 thought of investing this neat little sum!" 
 
 130
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Mrs. Bishop gazed at the check through her 
 tears and tried to comprehend that it was real 
 money, as it would have been but for the as- 
 tuteness of Mr. Wallingford. Mr. Clover had 
 proposed to bring her ten new, crisp one-hun- 
 dred-dollar bills, but his monitor had pointed 
 out that if she ever got that money between her 
 fingers and felt it crinkle she would never let 
 go of it. A check was so different. 
 
 "Well," she faltered, "my daughter Minnie 
 wanted me to get us some clothes and pay some 
 down on a piano and lay in the winter coal and 
 provisions and put the rest in a bank for a 
 rainy day. Minnie's my youngest. She's just 
 quit the High School because she wants to go 
 to a commercial college. But my oldest daugh- 
 ter, Hattie, wouldn't hear to it. She says if 
 Minnie '11 only take a job in the store where 
 she works they can run the family, and for me 
 to take this thousand dollars and finish pay- 
 ing off the mortgage on the house with it. The 
 mortgage costs six per cent, a year." 
 
 "Your daughter Hattie is a very sensible 
 young lady," said Mr. Wallingford with great 
 gravity. "It would be folly to expend this 
 thousand dollars upon personal luxuries; but 
 equally wrong to lose its earning power." 
 
 It was the voice of Wall Street, of the Gov- 
 
 131
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 eminent Mint, of the very soul and spirit of 
 all financial wisdom, that spoke here, and Mrs. 
 Bishop felt it with a thrill. 
 
 " Madam," orated Mr. Clover, "the Noble 
 Order of Friendly Hands has provided a way 
 for the safe and profitable investment of the 
 funds left to the widows and orphans under its 
 protection. It has set aside a certain amount 
 of high-dividend-bearing stock in the Order it- 
 self, or rather in its operating department, of 
 which, by the way, I am the president, and of 
 which the eminent capitalist and philanthro- 
 pist, Mr. J. Eufus Wallingford, is a leading 
 spirit." His sweeping gesture toward that 
 benevolent multi-millionaire, and Mr. Walling- 
 ford 's bow in return, were sights worth be- 
 holding. "The benevolent gentlemen who or- 
 ganized this generous association have just 
 made possible this further beneficence to its 
 dependents. The stock should pay you not 
 less than twelve per cent, a year, and your 
 original capital can be withdrawn at any time. 
 With this income you can pay the interest on 
 your mortgage, and have a tidy little sum left 
 at the end of each quarter. Think of it, madam ! 
 Money every three months, and your thousand 
 dollars always there!" 
 
 Mrs. Bishop glanced at him in slow compre- 
 
 132
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 hension. The figures that he gave her did not, 
 as yet, mean so much, but the sight of Mr. 
 Wallingf ord did. He was so big, so solid look- 
 ing, so much like substantial prosperity itself. 
 A huge diamond glowed from his finger. It 
 must be worth several hundred dollars. An- 
 other one gleamed from his scarf. His cloth- 
 ing was of the latest cut and the finest mate- 
 rial. Even his socks, in the narrow rim which 
 showed above his low-cut shoes, were silk; she 
 could see that clear across the room. 
 
 The door opened, and a girl of seventeen or 
 eighteen came in. That she was unusually 
 pretty was attested by the suddenly widening 
 eyes of Mr. Wallingford. 
 
 "And is this your daughter Minnie t" asked 
 the benevolent gentleman, all his protecting 
 and fostering instincts aroused. 
 
 Mrs. Bishop, in a flutter, presented her 
 younger daughter to the fortune-bringing gen- 
 tlemen, and Minnie fluttered a bit on her own ac- 
 count. She knew she was pretty ; she read in the 
 eyes of the wealthy-looking, perfectly groomed 
 Mr. Wallingford that she was pretty; she saw 
 in the smile of Mr. Clover that she was pretty, 
 and her vanity was pleased inordinately. 
 
 A sudden brilliant idea came to Mr. Wal- 
 lingford. 
 
 133
 
 GET-KICH-QTJICK 
 
 "I have the solution to your problem, Mrs. 
 Bishop," he said. "We shall need more help 
 in our offices, and your daughter shall have 
 the place. She can soon earn more money than 
 she ever could in a store, and can secure as 
 good a training as she could in a business col- 
 lege. How would you like that, Miss Bishop?" 
 
 "I think it would be fine," replied the young 
 lady, with a large-eyed glance toward Mr. 
 Wallingford. 
 
 The glance was more of habit than intent. 
 Minnie's mirror and what she had heard from 
 her boy friends had given her an impulse toward 
 coquetry. It was pleasant to feel her power, to 
 see what instantaneous impression she could 
 make upon grown men. Such a friendly party 
 it was ! Everybody was pleased, and in the end 
 Mr. Wallingford and Mr. Clover walked away 
 from the house with Mrs. Bishop's check and 
 her receipt and her policy in their pockets. 
 
 Mr. Clover was lost in profound admiration. 
 
 "It worked, all right!" he said exultantly to 
 Mr. Neil, as soon as they returned to the dingy 
 little office. "Here's the thousand dollars," 
 and he threw down the check. "Good Lord! 
 I couldn't believe but that thousand was gone; 
 and then if another man died he would put us 
 on the toboggan." 
 
 134
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Mr. Neil was a thin young man whose fore- 
 head wore the perpetual frown of slow thought. 
 Also his cuffs were ragged. He was the Su- 
 preme Exalted Secretary. 
 
 "Now may I have fifty ?" he inquired in an 
 aside to Clover. "My board bill, you know." 
 
 "Certainly not I" declared the Supreme Ex- 
 alted Ruler with loud rectitude. "This thou- 
 sand dollars belongs in the insurance reserve 
 fund." 
 
 "Tut, tut," interposed Wallingford. "Your 
 alarm clock is out of order. You just now 
 paid a death claim with that money, and the 
 reserve fund is out that much. A private in- 
 dividual, however, just now* bought a thousand 
 dollars' worth of stock in the reorganized 
 Friendly Hands Trust Company, and you have 
 the pay in advance. Let Mr. Neil have his 
 fifty dollars, and give me a check for my two 
 hundred and fifty; then we'll go out to hunt a 
 decent suite of offices and buy the furniture 
 for it." 
 
 "There wouldn't be much of the thousand 
 left after that," objected Mr. Clover, frowning. 
 
 "Why not? You don't suppose we are go- 
 ing to pay cash for anything, do you?" re- 
 turned Wallingford in surprise. "My credit's 
 good, if yours isn't." 
 
 135
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK: 
 
 His credit! He had not been in town four 
 hours! As Mr. Clover looked him over again, 
 however, he saw where he was wrong. Mr. 
 Wallingford's mere appearance was as good 
 as a bond. He would not ask for credit; he 
 would take it. Mr. Clover, in a quick analysis 
 of this thought, decided that this rich man's 
 resources were so vast that they shone through 
 his very bearing. Mr. Wallingford, at that 
 same moment, after having paid his enormous 
 hotel bill in New York and the expenses of his 
 luxurious trip, had only ten dollars in the 
 world. 
 
 "Now then," suggested Mr. Clover as he 
 passed the hypnotically won check to his new 
 partner, "we might as well conclude our per- 
 sonal business. I'll make you over half my 
 stock in the company, and take your two 
 thousand." 
 
 "All right," agreed Wallingford very cheer- 
 fully, and they both sat down to write. 
 
 Mr. Clover transferred to Mr. Wallingford 
 forty-three shares of stock in the Friendly 
 Hands Trust Company, Incorporated, and re- 
 ceived a rectangular slip of paper in return. 
 His face reddened as he examined it. 
 
 "Why, this isn't a check!" he said sharply. 
 "It's a note for ninety days!" 
 
 136
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 "Sure!" said J. Rufus Wallingford. "In 
 our talk there wasn't a word said about cash." 
 
 "But cash is what I want, and nothing but 
 cash!" exploded the other, smacking his hairy 
 fist upon his desk. 
 
 "How foolish!" chided J. Rufus smilingly. 
 "I see I'll have to teach you a lot about busi- 
 ness. Draw up your chairs and get my plan 
 in detail. If, after that, Clover, you do not 
 want my note, you may give it back and go 
 broke in your own way. Here's what we will 
 do. We will organize a new operating com- 
 pany for two hundred and fifty thousand dol- 
 lars, in twenty-five-dollar shares. We will buy 
 over the old ten-thousand-dollar company for 
 one hundred and fifty thousand in stock of the 
 new company. Dividing this pro rata, you 
 and I, Clover, will each have nearly twenty- 
 six hundred shares. Mr. Neil, in place of his 
 present ten shares, will have six hundred, and 
 we shall have left four thousand shares of 
 treasury stock. These we will sell among your 
 members. We will reduce your present insur- 
 ance rate one fourth, and use the hundred 
 thousand dollars we take in on stock sales to 
 get new members to whom to sell more stock. 
 In the meantime, we'll see money every day. 
 You and I, Clover, will each draw a hundred 
 
 137
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 a week, and I think Mr. Neil will be pretty 
 well satisfied if he drags down fifty." 
 
 The pleased expression upon Mr. Neil's face 
 struggled with the deepening creases on his 
 brow. Fifteen dollars a week was the most 
 he had ever earned in his life, but he was so 
 full of fraternal insurance figures that his skin 
 prickled. 
 
 "But how about the insurance end of it?" 
 he interposed. "How will we ever keep up at 
 that ridiculously low rate! That might do for 
 a while, but as our membership becomes older 
 the death rate will increase on us and we can't 
 pay it. Why, the mortality tables " and he 
 reached for the inevitable facts and figures. 
 
 "Who's talking about insurance?" de- 
 manded Wallingford. "I'm talking about 
 how to get money. Put up the little red 
 dope-book. Clover, you get busy right away 
 and write a lot of circus literature about the 
 grand work your members will be doing for 
 the widows and orphans by buying this stock; 
 also how much dividend it will pay them. 
 When the treasury stock is sold, and we have 
 a big enough organization to absorb it, we will 
 begin to unload our own shares and get out. 
 If you clean up your sixty-four thousand dol- 
 lars in this year, I guess you will be willing to 
 
 338
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 let the stockholders elect new officers and con- 
 duct their own Friendly Hands Trust Com- 
 pany any way they please, won't you?" 
 
 Mr. Clover quietly folded Mr. Wallingford's 
 note and put it in his pocket. 
 
 " Let's go out and rent some new offices," 
 he said. 
 
 He came back, at Mr. Neil's call, to write 
 out that fifty-dollar check, and incidentally 
 made out one for himself in a like amount. 
 
 "What do you think of him, anyhow!" 
 asked Neil with a troubled countenance. 
 
 "Think of him!" repeated Clover with en- 
 thusiasm. "He's the greatest ever! If I had 
 known him five years ago I'd be worth a mil- 
 lion to-day!" 
 
 "But is this scheme on the level?" asked Neil. 
 
 "That's the beauty of it," said Clover, ex- 
 ulting like a schoolboy. "The law can't touch 
 us any place." 
 
 "Maybe not," admitted Neil; "but some- 
 how I don't quite like it." 
 
 "I guess you'll like your fifty a week when 
 it begins to come in, and your fifteen thou- 
 sand when we clean up," retorted Clover. 
 
 "You bet!" said Neil, but he began to do 
 some bewildered figuring on his own account. 
 His head was in a whirl. 
 
 139
 
 CHAPTER X 
 
 AN AMAZING COMBINATION OP PHILANTHROPY 
 AND PEOFIT IS INAUGURATED 
 
 INNIE BISHOP came to work for 
 the Noble Order of Friendly Hands 
 on the day that they moved into of- 
 fices more in keeping with the mag- 
 nificence of Mr. Wallingford, and she was by 
 no means out of place amid the mahogany 
 desks and fine rugs and huge leather chairs. 
 
 1 'Her smile alone is worth fifty dollars a 
 week to the business," Clover admitted, but 
 they only paid her five at the start. 
 
 She had more to recommend her, however, 
 than white teeth and red lips. Wallingford 
 himself was surprised to find that, in spite of 
 her apparently frivolous bent, she had con- 
 siderable ability and was quick to learn. From 
 the first he assumed a direct guardianship over 
 her, and his approaches toward a slightly more 
 than paternal friendship she considered great 
 fun. At home she mimicked him, and when her 
 older sister tried to talk to her seriously about 
 it she only laughed the more. Clover she 
 
 140
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 amused continually, but Neil fell desperately 
 in love with her from the start, and him she 
 flouted most unmercifully. Really, she liked 
 him, although she would not admit it even to 
 herself, charging him with the fatal error of 
 being "too serious." 
 
 In the meantime the affairs of the concern 
 progressed delightfully. For the regulation 
 fee, the Secretary of State, after some per- 
 functory inquiries, permitted the "Trust Com- 
 pany ' ' to increase its capitalization to two hun- 
 dred and fifty thousand dollars. Even before 
 the certificates were delivered from the print- 
 er's, however, that month's issue of "The 
 Friendly Hand" bore the news to the five hun- 
 dred members of the Order and to four thousand 
 five hundred prospective members, of the truly 
 unprecedented combination of philanthropy 
 and profit Somewhere the indefatigable Wal- 
 lingford had secured a copy of a most unusual 
 annual statement of a large and highly success- 
 ful insurance company, of the flat-rate variety 
 and of a similar sounding name. In the small- 
 est type to be found he had printed over this : 
 
 READ THIS EXPORT OF THE PBOVIDBNT FRIENDS TO ITS STOCKHOLDERS 
 
 Then followed direct quotations, showing 
 that the Provident Friends had a membership 
 
 141
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 of a quarter of a million; that it had paid out 
 in death claims an enormous amount; that it 
 had a surplus fund expressed in a staggering 
 array of figures; that its enrollment had in- 
 creased fifty thousand within the past year. 
 Striking sentences, such as: 
 
 WE HAVE JUST DECLARED A 
 THIRTY PER CENT. DIVIDEND 
 
 were displayed in big, black type, the whole 
 being spread out in such form that readers 
 ignorant of such matters would take this to be 
 a sworn statement of the present condition of 
 the Order of Friendly Hands; and they were 
 invited to subscribe for its golden stock at 
 the rate of twenty-five dollars a share! The 
 prudent members who were providing for their 
 families after death could now also participate 
 in the profits of this commendable investment 
 during life, and at a rate which, while not 
 guaranteed, could be expected, in the light of 
 past experience, to pay back the capital in a 
 trifle over three years, leaving it still intact and 
 drawing interest. 
 
 But this, dear friends and coworkers in a 
 noble cause, was not just a hard, money-grind- 
 ing proposition. The revenue derived from the 
 sale of stock was to be expended in the fur- 
 
 142
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 ther expansion of the Order, until it should 
 blanket the world and carry the blessings of 
 protection to the widows and orphans through- 
 out the universe! Never before in the history 
 of finance had it been made possible for men 
 of modest means to further a charitable work, 
 a noble work, a work appealing to all the high- 
 est aspirations of humanity and creditable to 
 every finest instinct of the human heart, and 
 at the same time to reap an enormous profit! 
 And the price was only twenty-five dollars a 
 share while they lasted! 
 
 Wallingford had secured the data and sup- 
 plied the human frailty ideas for this flaming 
 announcement, but Clover had put it together, 
 and, as he examined the proof sheet, the latter 
 gentleman leaned back in his chair with pro- 
 found self-esteem. 
 
 "That'll get 'em!" he exulted. "If that 
 don't bring in the money to make this the 
 greatest organization in the business, I don't 
 want a cent!" 
 
 "You spread it on too much," objected Neil. 
 "Why can't we do just as well or better by 
 presenting the thing squarely? It seems to me 
 that any man who would be caught by the 
 self-evident buncombe of that thing would be 
 too big a sucker to have any money." 
 
 143
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 Wallingford looked at him thoughtfully. 
 
 "You're right, in a way, Neil," he admitted. 
 1 ' The men who have real money wouldn 't touch 
 it, but the people we're appealing to have 
 stacked theirs up a cent at a time, and they 
 are afraid of all investments even of the 
 banks. When you offer them thirty per cent., 
 however, they are willing to take a chance; 
 and, after all, I don't see why, with the money 
 that comes in from this stock sale, we should 
 not be able to expand our organization to even 
 larger proportions than the Provident Friends. 
 If we do that, what is to prevent a good divi- 
 dend to our stockholders'?" 
 
 Clover glanced at his partner in surprise. 
 From that overawing bulk there positively ra- 
 diated high moral purpose, and Neil shriveled 
 under it. When they were alone, Clover, mak- 
 ing idle marks with his pencil, looked up at 
 Wallingford from time to time from under 
 shaggy brows, and finally he laughed aloud. 
 
 "You're the limit," he observed. "That's 
 a fine line of talk you gave Neil." 
 
 "Can't we buy him out?" asked Wallingford 
 abruptly. 
 
 "What with? A note?" inquired Clover. 
 "Hardly." 
 
 "Cash, then." 
 
 144
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 "Will you put it up?" 
 
 "I'll see about it, for if I have him gauged 
 right he will be hunting for trouble all along 
 the line." 
 
 Wallingford went to the window and looked 
 out; then he got his hat. As he stepped into 
 the hall Neil came from an adjoining room. 
 
 "Do you want to sell your stock, Neil?" 
 asked Clover. 
 
 "To whom?" asked Neil slowly. Walling- 
 ford had shaken his slow deductions, had sug- 
 gested new possibilities to ponder, and he was 
 still bewildered. 
 
 "To Wallingford." 
 
 "Say, Clover, has he got any money?" de- 
 manded Neil. 
 
 "If he hasn't he can get it," replied the 
 other. "Come here a minute." 
 
 He drew Neil to the window and they looked 
 down into the street. Standing in front of the 
 office building was a huge, maroon-colored auto- 
 mobile with a leather-capped chauffeur in front. 
 As they watched, Mr. Wallingford came out to 
 the curb and the chauffeur saluted with his fin- 
 ger. Mr. Wallingford took from the rear seat a 
 broad-checked ulster, put it on, and exchanged 
 his derby for a cap to match. Then he climbed 
 into the auto and went whirring away. 
 
 ZO- Wallingford 145
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "That looks like money, don't it!" demanded 
 Clover. 
 
 "I give up," said Neil. 
 
 "How much do you want for your stock?" 
 inquired Clover, again with a smile. 
 
 "Par!" exclaimed Neil, once more satisfied. 
 "Nothing less!" 
 
 "Bight you are," agreed Clover. "This 
 man Wallingford is the greatest ever, I tell 
 you! He's a wonder, a positive genius, and it 
 was a lucky day for me that I met him. He 
 will make us all rich." 
 
 His admiration for Wallingford knew no 
 bounds. He had detected in the man a genius 
 for chicanery, and so long as he was "in with 
 it" Wallingford might he as "smooth" as he 
 liked. Were they not partners? Indeed, yes. 
 Share and share alike! 
 
 That night Clover and Neil dined with Mr. 
 and Mrs. Wallingford at their hotel, and if 
 Neil had any lingering douhts as to Mr. Wal- 
 lingford 's command of money, those doubts 
 were dispelled by the size of the check, by the 
 obsequiousness shown them, and by the man- 
 ner in which Mrs. Wallingford wore her ex- 
 pensive clothing. After dinner Wallingford 
 took them for a ride in his automobile, and at 
 a quiet road house, a dozen miles out of town, 
 
 146
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 over sparkling drinks and heavy cigars, they 
 quite incidentally discussed a trifling matter of 
 business. 
 
 "You fellows go ahead with the insurance 
 part of the game," Wallingford directed them. 
 "I don't understand any part of that business, 
 but I'll look after the stock sales. That I know 
 I can handle." 
 
 They were enthusiastic in their seconding of 
 this idea, and after this point had been reached, 
 the host, his business done, took his guests 
 back to town in the automobile upon which he 
 had not as yet paid a cent, dropping them at 
 their homes in a most blissful state of content. 
 
 Proceeding along the lines of the under- 
 standing thus established, within a few days 
 money began to flow into the coffers of the 
 concern. Mr. Wallingford 's method of pro- 
 cedure was perfectly simple. When an ex- 
 perimentally inclined member of any one of 
 the out-of-town " Circles" sent in his modest 
 twenty-five dollars for a share of stock, or 
 even inquired about it, Wallingford promptly 
 got on a train and went to see that man. Upon 
 his arrival he immediately found out how much 
 money the man had and issued him stock to the 
 amount; then he got introductions to the other 
 members and brought home stock subscriptions 
 
 147
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 to approximately the exact total of their avail- 
 able cash. There was no resisting him. In the 
 meantime, with ample funds to urge it for- 
 ward, the membership of the organization in- 
 creased at a rapid enough rate to please even 
 the master hand. New members meant new 
 opportunities for stock sales, and that only, to 
 him, and to Clover, the world, at last, was as 
 it should be. Money was his for the asking, 
 and by means which pleased his sense of being 
 "in" on a bit of superior cleverness. Quite 
 early in the days of plenty he saw a side in- 
 vestment which, being questionable, tempted 
 him, and he came to Wallingford to borrow 
 money ! 
 
 "I'll sell some of your stock," offered Wal- 
 lingford. "I want to sell a little of my own, 
 anyhow. ' ' 
 
 In all, he sold for Clover five thousand dol- 
 lars' worth, and the stock was promptly re- 
 ported by the purchasers for transfer on the 
 books of the company. Some of Wallingford 's 
 also came in for transfer, although a much less 
 amount; sufficient, however, it seemed, for he 
 took the most expensive apartments in town, 
 filled them with the best furnishings that were 
 made, and lived like a king. Mrs. Wallingford 
 secured her diamonds again and bought many 
 
 148
 
 more. Clover also "took on airs." Neil wor- 
 ried. He had made a study of the actual cost 
 of insurance, and the low rate that they were 
 now receiving filled him with apprehension. 
 
 "We're going on the rocks as fast as we can 
 go," he declared to Clover. "According to the 
 tables we're due for a couple of deaths right 
 now, and the longer they delay the more they 
 will bunch up on us. Mark what I say: the 
 avalanche will get you before you have time 
 to get out, if that's what you plan on doing. I 
 wish the laws governed our rate here as they 
 do in some of the other States." 
 
 "What's the matter with the rate 1 ?" Clover 
 wanted to know. "When it's inadequate we'll 
 raise it." 
 
 "That isn't what we're promising to do," 
 insisted Neil. "We're advertising a perma- 
 nent flat rate." 
 
 "Show me where," demanded Clover. 
 
 Neil tried to do so, but everywhere, in their 
 policies, in their literature, or even in their 
 correspondence, that he pointed out a state- 
 ment apparently to that effect, Clover showed 
 him a "joker" clause contradicting it. 
 
 "You see, Neil, you're too hasty in jumping 
 at conclusions," he expostulated. "You know 
 that the law will not permit us to claim a flat 
 
 149
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 rate without a sufficient cash provision, under 
 State control, to guarantee it, and compels us 
 to be purely an assessment company. When the 
 time comes that we must do so, we will do pre- 
 cisely what other companies have done before 
 us: raise the rate. If it becomes prohibitive 
 the company will drop out of business, as so 
 many others have; but we will be out of it 
 long before then.'* 
 
 ''Yes/* retorted Neil, "and thousands of 
 people who are too old to get fresh insurance 
 at any price, and who will have paid for years, 
 will be left holding the bag." 
 
 "The trouble with you, Neil, is that you have 
 a streak of yellow," interrupted Clover impa- 
 tiently. "Don't you like your fifty a week?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Don't you like your fifteen thousand dol- 
 lars' worth of stock?" 
 
 "It looks good to me," confessed Neil. 
 
 "Then keep still or sell out and get out." 
 
 "I'm not going to do that," said Neil de- 
 liberately. He had his slow mind made up at 
 last. "I'm going to stick, and reorganize the 
 company when it goes broke!" 
 
 When Clover reported this to Wallingford 
 that gentleman laughed. 
 
 "How is he on ritual work?" he asked. 
 
 150
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 "Fine! He has a streak of fool earnestness 
 in him that makes him take to that flubdubbery 
 like a duck to water." 
 
 "Then send him out as a special degree 
 master to inaugurate the new lodges that are 
 formed. He^s a nuisance in the office." 
 
 In this the big man had a double purpose. 
 Neil was paying entirely too much attention to 
 Minnie Bishop of late, and Wallingford re- 
 sented the interference. His pursuit of the 
 girl was characteristic. He gave her flowers 
 and boxes of candy in an offhand way, not as 
 presents, but as rewards. As the business 
 grew he appropriated her services more and 
 more to his own individual work, seating her 
 at a desk in his private room, and a neat bal- 
 ance-sheet would bring forth an approving 
 word and an offhand: 
 
 "Fine work. I owe you theater tickets for 
 thai" 
 
 The next time he came in he would bring the 
 tickets and drop them upon her desk, with a 
 brusque heartiness that was intended to dis- 
 arm suspicion, and with a suggestion to take 
 her mother and sister along. Moreover, he 
 raised her salary from time to time. The con- 
 sideration that he showed her would have won 
 the gratitude of any girl unused to such 
 
 151
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 attentions and unfamiliar with the ways 
 of the world, but under them she never- 
 theless grew troubled and thoughtful. Notic- 
 ing this, Wallingford conceived the idea 
 that he had made an impression, whereupon 
 he ventured to become a shade more 
 personal. 
 
 About this time another disagreeable cir- 
 cumstance came to her attention and plunged 
 her into perplexity. Clover walked into Mr. 
 Wallingford 's room just as the latter was pre- 
 paring to go out. 
 
 "Tag, you're it, Wallingford," said Clover 
 jovially, holding out a piece of paper. "I've 
 just found out that your note was due yes- 
 terday." 
 
 "Quit joking with me on Wednesdays," ad- 
 monished Wallingford, and taking the note he 
 tore it into little bits and threw them into the 
 waste basket. 
 
 "Here! That's two thousand dollars, and 
 it's mine," Clover protested. 
 
 Wallingford laughed. 
 
 "You didn't really think I'd pay it, did you? 
 Why, I told you at the time that it was only a 
 matter of form; and, besides that, you know 
 my motto: *I never give up money,' ' and, 
 still chuckling, he went out. 
 
 152
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 "Isn't he the greatest ever?" said Clover 
 admiringly, to Minnie. 
 
 But Minnie could not see the joke. If Wal- 
 lingford " never gave up money," and Clover 
 subscribed to that clever idea with such enthu- 
 siasm that he was willing to be laughed out of 
 two thousand dollars, what would become of 
 her mother's little nest-egg? A thousand dol- 
 lars was a tragic amount to the Bishops. That 
 very evening, as Wallingford went out, he ven- 
 tured to pinch and then to pat her cheek, and 
 shame crimsoned her face that she had brought 
 upon herself the coarse familiarities which now 
 she suddenly understood. Neil, who had come 
 in from a trip that afternoon, walked into the 
 office just after Wallingford had gone, and 
 found her crying. The sight of her in tears 
 broke down the reserve that she had forced 
 upon him, so that he told her many things; 
 told them eloquently, too, and suddenly she 
 found herself glad that he had come glad to 
 rely upon him and confide in him. Naturally, 
 when she let him draw from her the cause of 
 her distress, he was furious. He wanted to 
 hunt Wallingford at once and chastise him, 
 but she stopped him with vehement earnestness. 
 
 "No," she insisted, "I positively forbid it! 
 When Mr. Wallingford comes here to-morrow 
 
 '53
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 I want him to find me the same as ever, and I 
 do not want one word said that will make him 
 think I am any different. But I want you to 
 walk home with me, if you can spare the time. 
 I want to talk with you." 
 
 154
 
 CHAPTER XI 
 
 NEIL TAKES A SUDDEN INTEBEST IN THE BUSINESS 
 AND WALLINGFOBD LETS GO 
 
 NEIL, the next day after his talk with 
 Minnie Bishop, had a great idea, 
 which was nothing more nor less 
 than a Supreme Circle Conclave, in 
 which a picked degree team would exemplify 
 the ritual, and to which delegates from all the 
 local circles should be invited. They had never 
 held a Supreme Conclave, and they needed it 
 to arouse enthusiasm. Clover fell in with the 
 idea at once. It would provide him with an 
 opportunity for one of the spread-eagle 
 speeches he was so fond of making. As this 
 phase of the business comprising the insur- 
 ance and the lodge work was left completely 
 in charge of Clover and Neil, Wallingford 
 made no objections, and, having ample funds 
 for carrying out such a plan, it was accordingly 
 arranged. Neil went on the road at once about 
 this matter, but letters between himself and 
 Minnie Bishop passed almost daily. An inde- 
 finable change had come over the girl. She 
 
 156
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 had grown more earnest, for one thing, hut 
 she assumed a forced flippancy with Walling- 
 ford because she found that it was her only 
 defense against him. She turned off his ad- 
 vances as jests, and her instinct of coquetry, 
 though now she recognized it and was ashamed 
 of it, made her able to puzzle and hold uncer- 
 tainly aloof even this experienced "man of the 
 world." It was immediately after she had 
 jerked her hand away from under his one 
 afternoon that, in place of the reproof he had 
 half expected from her, she turned to him with 
 a most dazzling smile. 
 
 "By the way, we've both forgotten some- 
 thing, Mr. Wallingf ord, " she said. "Quarter 
 day for the Bishops is long past due." 
 
 "What is it that is past due?" he asked in 
 surprise. 
 
 "When my mother bought her stock, you 
 know, you promised that she should have twelve 
 per cent, interest on it, payable every three 
 months." 
 
 "That's right," he admitted, looking at her 
 curiously, and before she started home that 
 evening he handed her an envelope with thirty 
 dollars in it. 
 
 She immediately made a note of the amount 
 and dropped it in the drawer of her desk. 
 
 156
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 " Never mind entering that in your books," 
 he said hastily, noting her action; "just keep 
 the memorandum until we arrange for a reg- 
 ular dividend, then it can all be posted at once. 
 It's it's a matter that has been overlooked." 
 
 She thanked him for the money and took it 
 home with her. She had been planning for a 
 week or more upon how to get this thirty dol- 
 lars. On the very next day, while he was ab- 
 sorbedly poring over a small account book 
 that he kept locked carefully in his desk, he 
 found her standing beside him. 
 
 "I'm afraid that I shall have to ask you to 
 buy back mother's stock in the company," she 
 said. That morning's mail had been unusually 
 heavy in stock sale possibilities. "We have a 
 sudden pressing need for that thousand dol- 
 lars, and we'll just have to have it, that's all." 
 
 Wallingford's first impulse was to dissuade 
 her from this idea, but another thought now 
 came to him as he looked musingly into his 
 roll-top desk; and as the girl, standing above 
 him, gazed down upon his thick neck and puffy 
 cheeks, he reminded her of nothing so much 
 as a monstrous toad. 
 
 "Have you the stock certificate with you?" 
 he inquired presently. 
 
 No, she had not. 
 
 157
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "Well, bring it down to-night,'* he said, 
 "and I'll give you a check for it. I'm going 
 away on a little trip to-morrow, and I want 
 you to get me up a statement out of the books, 
 anyhow." 
 
 For an instant the girl hesitated with a sharp 
 intake of breath. Then she said, "Very 
 well," and went home. 
 
 That night, when she returned, she paused 
 in the hall a moment to subdue her trepidation, 
 then, whether foolish or not, but with such 
 courage as men might envy, she boldly opened 
 the door and stepped in. She found Walling- 
 ford at his desk, and she had walked up to him 
 and laid at his elbow the stock certificate, prop- 
 erly released, before he turned his unusually 
 flushed face toward her. In his red eyes she 
 saw that he had been dining rather too well, 
 even for him. She had been prepared for this, 
 however, and her voice was quite steady as 
 she asked: 
 
 "Have you the check made out, Mr. Wal- 
 lingford?" 
 
 "There's no hurry about it," he replied a 
 trifle thickly. "There's some work I want you 
 to do first." 
 
 "I'd rather you would make out the check 
 now," she insisted, "so that I won't forget it." 
 
 158
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 Laboriously he filled out the blank and signed 
 it, and then blinkingly watched her smooth, 
 white fingers as she folded it and snapped it 
 into her purse. Suddenly he swung his great 
 arm about her waist and drew her toward him. 
 What followed was the surprise of his life, for 
 a very sharp steel hatpin was jabbed into him 
 in half a dozen indiscriminate places, and 
 Minnie Bishop stood panting in the middle of 
 the floor. 
 
 "I have endured it here for weeks now, 
 longer than I believed it possible," she shrieked 
 at him, crying hysterically, " because we could 
 not afford to lose this money : stood it for days 
 when the sight of you turned me sick! It 
 seems a year ago, you ugly beast, that I made 
 sure you were a thief, but I wouldn't leave till 
 I knew it was the right time to ask you for this 
 check ! ' ' 
 
 Dazed, he stood nursing his hurts. One of 
 her strokes had been into his cheek, and as he 
 took his reddened handkerchief away from it a 
 flood of rage came over him and he took a step 
 forward; but he had miscalculated her spirit. 
 
 "I wish I had killed you!" she cried, and 
 darted out of the door. 
 
 For three days after that episode the man 
 was confined to his room under the care of his 
 
 159
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 wife, whom he told that he had been attacked 
 by a footpad, "a half -crazy foreigner with a 
 stiletto.'* For a week more he was out of 
 town. A peremptory telegram from Clover 
 brought him in from his stock-drumming trans- 
 actions, and by the time he reached the city he 
 was ready for any emergency, though finally 
 attributing the call to the fact, which he had al- 
 most forgotten, that to-morrow was the first day 
 of the three set apart for the Supreme Circle 
 Conclave of the Noble Order of Friendly Hands. 
 He arrived at about eight o'clock in the 
 evening, and as his automobile rolled past the 
 big building where their offices were located, 
 he glanced up and saw that lights were blazing 
 brightly from the windows. Anxious to find 
 out at once the true status of affairs he went 
 up. He was surprised to find the big recep- 
 tion room full of hard-featured men who 
 looked uncomfortable in their "best clothes," 
 and among them he recognized two or three, 
 from surrounding small towns, to whom he 
 had sold stock. At first, as he opened the 
 door, black looks were cast in his direction, 
 and a couple of the men half arose from their 
 seats; but they sat down again as Mr. J. 
 Eufus Wallingford's face beamed with a cor- 
 dial smile. 
 
 160
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 "Good evening, gentlemen, " he observed 
 cheerfully, with a special nod for those he re- 
 membered, and then he stalked calmly through 
 the room. 
 
 The nights being cool now, Mr. Wallingford 
 wore a fur-lined ulster of rich material and of 
 a fit which made his huge bulk seem the per- 
 fection of elegance. Upon his feet were shin- 
 ing patent leather shoes; upon his head was a 
 shining high hat. He carried one new glove in 
 his gloved left hand; from his right hand 
 gleamed the big diamond. His ulster hung 
 open in front, displaying his sparkling scarf 
 pin, his rich scarf of the latest pattern, his 
 fancy waistcoat. He held his head high, and 
 no man could stand before him nor against 
 him. When the door had closed behind him 
 they almost sighed in unison. There went 
 money, sacred money, even the more so that 
 some of it was their own ! 
 
 In the inner office, Wallingford was surprised 
 to find Minnie Bishop present and working ear- 
 nestly upon the books. Looking up she met 
 his darkening glance defiantly, but even if he 
 had chosen to speak to her there was no 
 time, for Clover had opened the door of 
 his own private office and greeted him with 
 a curt nod. 
 
 JJ Calling/ore. .161
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "Come in here," said Clover roughly. "I 
 want to talk to you." 
 
 It was the inevitable moment, the one for 
 which Wallingford had long been prepared. 
 
 "Certainly," he said with aggravating cheer- 
 fulness, and, walking in, let Clover close the 
 door behind him. He sat comfortably in the 
 big leather chair at the side of the desk and lit 
 a cigar, while Clover plumped himself in his 
 own swivel. 
 
 "Who are the Rubes outside?" asked Wal- 
 lingford, puffing critically at his half-dollar 
 perfecto. 
 
 "Neil's picked degree team," answered 
 Clover shortly. "He had them meet 
 up here to-night for some instructions, I 
 believe, but he's not here yet. It's his affair 
 entirely. I want to see you about something 
 else." 
 
 "Blaze away," said Wallingford with great 
 heartiness, carefully placing his silk hat upon 
 a clean sheet of paper. He was still smiling 
 cheerfully, but in his eyes had come the trace 
 of a glitter. 
 
 "I'll blaze away all right, whether I have 
 your invitation or not!" snapped Clover. 
 "You've been giving me the double cross. For 
 very share of stock you sold for the company 
 
 162
 
 you've sold five of your own and pocketed the 
 money.'* 
 
 "Why shouldn't II" inquired Mr. Walling- 
 ford calmly, his willingness to admit it so pleas- 
 antly amounting to insolence. "It was my 
 stock, and the money I got for such of it as I 
 sold was my money." 
 
 "Such of it as you sold!" repeated Clover 
 indignantly. "I know how much you un- 
 loaded. You have placed somewhat over 
 twenty thousand for the company " 
 
 "And five thousand for you," Wallingford 
 reminded him. "I suppose you went South 
 with the proceeds. If you didn't you're 
 crazy!" 
 
 Clover flushed a trifle. 
 
 "But you got rid of nearly sixty thousand 
 dollars of your own stock," he charged bit- 
 terly. It still rankled in him that Wallingford 
 had "handed the lemon" to him. Him! Mon- 
 strous that a man should be so dishonorable! 
 "You played me for a mark. When you 
 handed out my certificates you instructed every 
 man to send them in for transfer, but when 
 you peddled your own you said nothing about 
 that, and only the few yaps who happened to 
 know about such things sent them in. You're 
 nearly all sold out, and I'm holding the bag." 
 
 163
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "Right you are," admitted Wallingford, 
 openly amused. "I have a few shares left in 
 my desk, though, and I'll make you a present 
 of them. I'm going out of the company, you 
 know. ' ' 
 
 "You're not!" exclaimed Clover, smiting his 
 fist upon his desk. "We were in this thing 
 together, half and half, and I want my share ! ' ' 
 
 Wallingford laughed. 
 
 "I told you once," he informed his irate 
 partner, "that I never give up any money. 
 My action is strictly legal. Now, don't choke!" 
 he added as he saw Clover about to make an- 
 other objection. "You've not a gasp coming. 
 When I took hold here you were practically 
 on your last legs. You have had a salary of 
 one hundred dollars a week since that time. 
 In addition to that I have handed you five 
 thousand dollars, and you have nearly sixty 
 thousand dollars' worth of stock left. You can 
 do just what I have been doing : sell your stock 
 and get out. As for me I am out, and that's 
 all there is to it! I have all I want and I'm 
 going to quit!" 
 
 The door had opened and Neil stood on the 
 threshold. 
 
 "You bet you're going to quit!" said Neil. 
 His face was pale but his eyes were blazing 
 
 164
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 and his fists were clenched. "You're both go- 
 ing to quit, but not the way you think you are ! 
 Come out here. Some of my friends are in 
 the waiting room, and they want to see you 
 right away!" 
 
 Clover had turned a sickly, ashen white, but 
 Wallingford rose to his feet. 
 
 "You tell them to go plumb to Hell!" he 
 snarled. 
 
 His eyes were widened until they showed the 
 whites. He was fully as much cowed by the 
 suggestion as Clover, but he would "put up a 
 front" to the last. 
 
 "Come in, boys!" commanded Neil loudly. 
 
 They came with alacrity. They crowded into 
 the small room, packing it so snugly that Neil 
 and Wallingford and Clover, forced into the 
 little space before Clover's desk, stood touching. 
 
 "What does this mean?" demanded Wal- 
 lingford, glaring at the invaders. 
 
 He stood almost head and shoulders above 
 them, and where he met a man's eyes those 
 eyes dropped. Some of them who had not re- 
 moved their hats hastily did so. His lordliness 
 was still potent. 
 
 "You can't bluff me!" shrieked Neil, who, 
 standing beside him, shook his fist in Walling- 
 ford 's face. The contrast between the sizes of 
 
 165
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 the two men would have been ludicrous, had it 
 not been for Neil's intensity, which seemed to 
 expand him, to make him and his passionate 
 purpose colossal. "I know you, and these men 
 don't!" he went on, his neck chords swelling 
 with anger. "Why, think of it, gentlemen, in 
 the four months that he has been here, this 
 man has taken sixty thousand dollars from the 
 hard-working members of this Order, has 
 stuffed it in his pocket and is making ready to 
 leave ! The little girl out there, who is getting 
 us up a statement for to-morrow, figured him 
 out for the dog he is while I was still groping 
 for the facts. He tried to take her for a fool, 
 but she she " His voice broke and he 
 smacked his fist in his palm to loosen his 
 tongue. "You're a smart man, Mr. Walling- 
 ford, but you made a few mistakes. One of 
 them was in sending me on the road so you 
 could so you " again his voice broke and he 
 sank his nails into his palms for control. "You 
 thought this meeting was a mere jolly for our 
 members, didn't you? It's not. These men are 
 here solely as representatives of the business 
 interests of their friends. We're going to put 
 this Order back upon a sound basis, and the 
 first thing we're going to do is to cut out graft. 
 Why, you unclean whelp, you have spent over 
 
 166
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 fourteen thousand dollars in the four months 
 you have been here, and you have or had, up 
 to a week ago forty-five thousand dollars in 
 the Second National all of poor men's money! 
 How do I know? You lost your bank book 
 which had just been balanced. As for you, 
 Clover, you're a clog upon the business, too!" 
 Clover had brought this upon himself by dart- 
 ing at Wallingford a glance of hate, which 
 Neil caught. "Now this is what you're going 
 to do, James Clover. For having fathered the 
 Order you're to be allowed to keep the five 
 thousand dollars you got for the sale of stock. 
 Your remaining stock you're going to transfer 
 over to our treasury, and then you're going to 
 step down and out. As for you, Mr. J. Eufus 
 Wallingford, you're going to write a check for 
 forty-five thousand dollars, payable to the 
 company." 
 
 "What you are asking of me is unjust and 
 absurd," whined Wallingford. 
 
 "Write that check!" Neil almost screamed. 
 "We know you're slick enough to keep your 
 tricks within legal bounds, and that's why these 
 men are here." 
 
 The brow of Wallingford contracted and 
 he tried to look angry, but his breath was 
 coming short and there was a curious pallor 
 
 167
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 around the edge of his lips and around his 
 eyes. 
 
 "This is coercion!" he charged with dry 
 mouth. 
 
 "Put it that way if you want to," agreed 
 Neil hotly. 
 
 "We'll break your infernal neck, that's what 
 we '11 do ! " put in a spokesman back toward the 
 door, and there was a general pressing for- 
 ward. Neil had lashed them into fury, and one 
 rawboned fellow, a blacksmith, wedged through 
 them with purple face and upraised fist. So 
 heavily that he knocked the breath out of Clo- 
 ver with his chair back, Wallingford plumped 
 down at the desk and whipped out his check 
 book. 
 
 "I ask one thing of you," he said, as he 
 picked up the pen with a curious trembling 
 grimace that was almost like a smile, but was 
 not. "You must leave me at least a thousand 
 dollars to get away from here." 
 
 There was a moment of silence. 
 
 "That's reasonable," granted Neil, after 
 careful consideration. "Give us the check for 
 forty-four thousand." 
 
 Wallingford wrote it and then he put it in 
 his pocket. 
 
 "I have the check ready, gentlemen," he an- 
 
 168
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 nounced, "but I'll give it to you at the en- 
 trance of my home to a committee consisting 
 of Neil and any two others you may select. 
 If I hand it to you before I pass out at that 
 door, some of you are liable to to lose your 
 heads. ' ' 
 
 He was positively craven in appearance when 
 he said this, and with an expression of con- 
 tempt Neil agreed to it. Wallingford's car 
 was still waiting on the street below, and into 
 it piled the four. Before the rich building 
 where J. Eufus had his apartments, Neil and 
 one of the other men got out first; but if they 
 had anticipated any attempt at escape on Wal- 
 lingford's part they were mistaken. Without 
 a word he handed the check to Neil and waited 
 while they inspected it to see that it was cor- 
 rectly drawn and signed. 
 
 "Now, Mr. Slippery Eel," said Neil exult- 
 antly as he put the check in his pocket, "it 
 won't do any good to try to stop this check, 
 for if I can't draw it you can't. I shall be 
 there in the morning when the bank opens. I 
 secured an injunction this afternoon that will 
 tie up your account," and his voice swelled 
 with triumph. 
 
 Wallingford laughed. With his hand upon 
 the knob he held the vestibule door open, and 
 
 169
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 he felt safe from violence, which was all he 
 feared. 
 
 "Well," said he philosophically, "I see I'm 
 beaten, and there's no use crying over spilled 
 milk." 
 
 Neil looked after him dubiously, as he swag- 
 gered into the hall. 
 
 "I didn't expect it would be so easy," he 
 said to the men. "I knew the fellow was a 
 physical coward, but I didn't know he was such 
 a big one. My lawyer told me he could even 
 beat us on that injunction." 
 
 Mr. Wallingford did not go directly to his 
 apartments. He went into the booth down- 
 stairs, instead, and telephoned his wife. Then 
 he went out. He was gone for about half an 
 hour, and, when he came back, Mrs. Walling- 
 ford, wastefully leaving a number of expensive 
 accumulations that were too big to be carried 
 as hand luggage, and abandoning the rich fur- 
 niture to be claimed by the deluded dealers, 
 had four suit cases packed. 
 
 170
 
 CHAPTER XII 
 
 FATE ARRANGES FOR J. RUFUS AN OPPORTUNITY TO 
 MANUFACTURE SALES RECORDERS 
 
 IT was not until their train had passed be- 
 yond the last suburb that Wallingford, 
 ensconced in the sleeper drawing room, 
 was able to resume his accustomed 
 cheerfulness. 
 
 "Sure you have that bundle of American 
 passports all right, Fanny?" he inquired. 
 
 "They're perfectly safe, but I'm glad to be 
 rid of them," she answered listlessly, and open- 
 ing her hand bag she emptied it of its contents, 
 then, with a small penknife, loosened the false 
 bottom in it From underneath this she drew 
 a flat package of thousand-dollar bills and 
 handed them to him. 
 
 "Forty of them!" gloated Wallingford, 
 counting them over. Then he pounded upon 
 his knees and laughed. "I can see Starvation 
 Neil when he has to tell his jay delegates that 
 I drew out every cent the day after I lost my 
 bank book. I'd been missing too many things 
 that never turned up again. I fixed them to- 
 rn
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 night, too. Although I didn't need to do it to 
 be on the law's safe side, I hustled out before 
 we started and swore to a notary that I signed 
 that check under coercion; and they'll get that 
 affidavit before the check and the injunction!" 
 
 Mrs. Wallingford did not join him in the 
 shoulder-heaving laugh which followed. 
 
 "I don't like it, Jim," she urged. "You're 
 growing worse all the time, and some day you'll 
 overstep the bounds. And have you noticed 
 another thing? Our money never does us any 
 good." 
 
 "You'll wake up when we get settled down 
 some place to enjoy ourselves. I don't believe 
 you know how well you like fine dresses and 
 diamonds, and to live on the fat of the land. 
 You know what this little bundle of comfort 
 means? That we're the salt of the earth while 
 it lasts ; that for a solid year we may have not 
 only all the luxuries in the world, but every- 
 body we meet will try to make life pleasant 
 for us." 
 
 To that end Wallingford secured a suite of 
 rooms at two hundred dollars per week the 
 moment they landed in New York, and began 
 to live at a corresponding rate. He gave him- 
 self no regret for yesterday and no care for 
 to-morrow, but let each extravagant moment 
 
 172
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 take care of itself. It was such intervals as 
 this, between her husband's more than doubt- 
 ful " business" operations, that reconciled Mrs. 
 Wallingford to their mode of life, or, rather, 
 that numbed the moral sensibilities which lie 
 dormant in every woman. While they were 
 merely spending money she was content to 
 play the grcmde dame, to dress herself in ex- 
 quisite toilettes and bedeck herself with bril- 
 liant gems, to go among other birds of fine 
 feathers that congregated at the more exclu- 
 sive public places, though she made no friends 
 among them, to be surrounded by every luxury 
 that money could purchase, to have her every 
 whim gratified by the mere pressing of a but- 
 ton. As for Wallingford, to be a prince of 
 spenders, to find new and gaudy methods of 
 display, to have people turn as he passed by 
 and ask who he might be; these things made 
 existence worth while. 
 
 Only one thing his restless spirit kept him 
 from pursuing this uneventful path until all 
 of his forty thousand dollars was gone. After 
 two months of slothful ease, something more 
 exciting became imperative, and just then 
 the racing season began and supplied that 
 need. Every afternoon they drove out to the 
 track, and there Wallingford bet thousands as 
 
 173
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 another man might bet fives. There could be 
 but one end to this, but he did not care. What 
 did it matter whether he spent his money a 
 trifle more or less quickly? "There was plenty 
 of it within his broad hunting grounds, and 
 when what he had was gone he had only to go 
 capture more; so it was no shock one morning 
 to count over his resources and find that he 
 had but a fragment left of what he had laugh- 
 ingly termed his " insurance fund." Upon 
 that same morning an urgent telegram was 
 delivered to him from "Blackie" Daw. He 
 read it with a whistle of surprise and passed 
 it over to his wife without comment. 
 
 "You're not going?" she asked with much 
 concern, passing the message back to him. 
 
 "Of course I am," he promptly told her. 
 " Blackie 's the only man I could depend upon 
 to get me out of a similar scrape." 
 
 "But, Jim," she protested; "you just now 
 said that you have barely over six thousand 
 left." 
 
 "That's all right," he assured her. "I'd 
 have to get out and hustle in less than a month 
 anyhow, at the rate we're going. I'll just take 
 Blackie 's five thousand, and a couple of hun- 
 dred over for expenses. You keep the balance 
 of the money and we'll get out of these apart- 
 
 174
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 ments at once. I'll get you nice accommoda- 
 tions at about twenty a week, and before I 
 come back I'll have something stirred up." 
 
 Secretly, he was rather pleased with the turn 
 affairs had taken. Inaction was beginning to 
 pall upon him, and this message that called 
 urgently upon him to take an immediate trip 
 out of town was entirely to his liking. Within 
 an hour he had transferred his wife into com- 
 fortable quarters and was on his way to the 
 train. He had very little margin of time, but, 
 slight as it was, the grinning Fate which pre- 
 sided over his destinies had opportunity to ar- 
 range a meeting for him. Even as he pointed 
 out his luggage to a running porter, a fussy 
 little German in very new-looking clothes which 
 fitted almost like tailor-made, had rushed back 
 to the gates of the train shed where the con- 
 ductor stood with his eyes fixed intently on his 
 watch, his left hand poised ready to raise. 
 
 "I left my umbrella," spluttered the pas- 
 senger. 
 
 "No time," declared the autocrat, not 
 gruffly or unkindly, but in a tone of virtuous 
 devotion to duty. 
 
 The little German's eyes glared through his 
 spectacles, his face puffed red, his gray mus- 
 tache bristled. 
 
 175
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "But it's my wife's umbrella!" he urged, as 
 if that might make a difference. 
 
 The brass-buttoned slave to duty did not 
 even smile. He raised his hand, and in a mo- 
 ment more the potent wave of his wrist would 
 have sent Number Eighteen plunging on her 
 westward way. In that moment, however, the 
 Pullman conductor, waiting with him, clutched 
 the blue arm of authority. 
 
 "Hold her a second," he advised, and with 
 his thumb pointed far up the platform. "Here 
 comes from a dollar up for everybody. He's 
 rode with me before." 
 
 The captain of Eighteen gave a swift glance 
 and was satisfied. 
 
 "Sure. I know him," he said of the new- 
 comer; then he turned to the still desperately 
 hopeful passenger and relented. "Run!" he 
 directed briefly. 
 
 Wallingf ord, who had secured for Carl Klug 
 this boon, merely by an opportune arrival, was 
 not hurrying. He was too large a man to 
 hurry, so a depot porter was doing it for him. 
 The porter plunged on in advance, springing 
 heavily from one bent leg to the other, weighted 
 down with a hat box in one hand, a huge Glad- 
 stone bag in the other and a suit case under 
 each arm. The perspiration was streaming 
 
 176
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 down his face, but he was quite content. Be- 
 hind him stalked J. Rufus, carrying only a 
 cane and gloves; but more, for him, would 
 have seemed absurd, for when he moved the 
 background seemed to advance with him, he 
 was so broad of shoulder and of chest and of 
 girth. Dignity radiated from his frame and 
 carriage, good humor from his big face, wealth 
 from every line and crease of his garments; 
 and it was no matter for wonder that even 
 the rigid schedule of Number Eighteen was 
 glad to extend to this master of circumstances 
 its small fraction of elasticity. 
 
 One of the Pullman porters from up the 
 train caught a glimpse of his approach and 
 came running back to snatch up two of the 
 pieces of luggage. It did not matter to him 
 whether the impressive gentleman was riding 
 in his coach or not; he was anxious to help on 
 mere general principles, and was even more so 
 when the depot porter, dropping the luggage 
 inside the gate, broke into glorious sunrise 
 over the crinkling green certificate of merit 
 that was handed him. The Pullman conductor 
 only asked to what city the man was bound, 
 then he too snatched up a suit case and a bag 
 and raced with the porter to take them on 
 board, calling out as he ran the car into which 
 
 laWallingford 177
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 the luggage must go. To Wallingford their 
 activity gave profound satisfaction, and he 
 paused to hand the conductor a counterpart to 
 the huge black cigar he was then smoking. 
 It had no band of any sort upon it, but 
 he conductor judged the cigar by the man. 
 It was not less than three for a dollar, he 
 was sure. 
 
 " Pretty close figuring, old man," observed 
 Wallingford cordially. 
 
 The conductor's smile, while gracious enough, 
 was only fleeting, for this thing of being re- 
 sponsible for Eighteen was an anxious busi- 
 ness, the gravity of which the traveling public 
 should be taught to appreciate more. 
 
 "We're nearly a minute off now," he said, 
 "and I've let myself in to wait for a Dutch- 
 man I let run out when I saw you coming. 
 There he is. Third car up for you, sir," 
 and he ran up to the steps of the second car 
 himself. 
 
 The missing passenger came tearing through 
 the gates just as Wallingford went up the car 
 steps. The conductor held his hand aloft, and 
 the engineer, looking back, impatiently clanged 
 his bell. The porter picked up his stepping-box 
 and jumped on after his tip, but he looked out 
 to watch the little German racing with all his 
 
 178
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 might up the platform, and did not withdraw 
 his head until the belated one, all legs and arms, 
 scrambled upon the train. Instantly the wheels 
 began to revolve, both vestibule doors were 
 closed with a slam, and a moment later Carl 
 Klug, puffing and panting, dropped upon a seat 
 in the smoking compartment, opposite to the 
 calm J. Eufus Wallingford, without breath 
 and without his umbrella. 
 
 "Schrecklich!" he exploded when he could 
 talk. "They are all thieves here. I leave my 
 umbrella in the waiting-room five minutes, I 
 go back and it is gone. Gone ! And it was my 
 wife's umbrella!" 
 
 Under ordinary circumstances Mr. Klug, 
 whose thirty years of residence in America had 
 not altogether destroyed certain old-country 
 notions of caste, would not have ventured to 
 address this lordly-looking stranger, but at 
 present he was angry and simply must open 
 the vials of his wrath to some one. He met 
 with no repulse. Mr. Wallingford was not one 
 to repulse strangers of even modest compe- 
 tence. He only laughed. A score of jovial 
 wrinkles sprang about his half -closed eyes, and 
 his pink face grew pinker. 
 
 "Eight you are," he agreed. "When I'm 
 in this town I keep everything I've got right 
 
 179
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 in front of me, and if I want to look the other 
 way I edge around on the other side of my 
 grips." 
 
 Mr. King digested this idea for a moment, 
 and then he, too, laughed, though not with the 
 abandon of Mr. Wallingford. He could not so 
 soon forget his wife's umbrella. 
 
 "It is so," he admitted. "I have been here 
 three days, and every man I had any business 
 with ought to be in jail!" 
 
 A sudden thought as he came to this last 
 word made Mr. Klug lay almost shrieking em- 
 phasis upon it, and smack both fists upon his 
 knees. He craned his head forward, his eyes 
 glared through his spectacles, his cheeks puffed 
 out and his mustache bristled. Wallingford 
 surveyed him with careful appraisement. The 
 clothing was ready made, but it was a very 
 good quality of its kind. The man's face was 
 an intelligent one and told of careful, concen- 
 trated effort. His hands were lean and rough, 
 the fingers were supple and the outer joints 
 bent back, particularly those of the thumb, 
 which described almost a half circle. The in- 
 sides of the fingers were seamed and crossed 
 with countless little black lines. From all this 
 the man was a mechanic, and a skilled one. 
 Those fingers dealt deftly with small parts, and 
 
 180
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 years of grimy oil had blackened those innu- 
 merable cuts and scratches. 
 
 "Did they sting you?" Wallingford inquired 
 with a dawning interest that was more than 
 courteous sympathy. 
 
 "I guess not!' 9 snapped Mr. Klug trium- 
 phantly, and the other made quick note of the 
 fact that the man was familiar with current 
 slang. "I was too smart for them." Then, 
 after a reflective pause, he added: "Maybe. 
 They might steal my patent some way." 
 
 Patent ! Mr. Wallingford 's small, thick ears 
 suddenly twitched forward. 
 
 "Been trying to sell one?" he asked, paus- 
 ing with his cigar half way to his mouth and 
 waiting for the answer. 
 
 "Three hundred dollars they offer me!" ex- 
 ploded Mr. Klug, again smiting both fists on 
 his knees. "Six years I worked on it in my 
 little shop of nights to get up a machine that 
 was different from all the rest and that would 
 work right, and when I get it done and get 
 my patent and take it to them, they already 
 had a copy of my patent and showed it to me. 
 They bought it from the Government for five 
 cents, and called me the same as a thief and 
 offered me three hundred dollars!" 
 
 Wallingford pondered seriously. 
 
 181
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 "You must have a good machine," he finally 
 announced. 
 
 Mr. Klug thought that he was "being made 
 fun of." 
 
 "It is a good machine. It's as good a ma- 
 chine as any they have got. There is no joke 
 about it!" * 
 
 "I'm not joking," Wallingford insisted. 
 "Who are the people?" 
 
 Mr. Klug considered for a suspicious mo- 
 ment, but the appearance of this gentleman, 
 the very embodiment of sterling worth, was 
 most reassuring. Beneath that broad chest 
 and behind that diamond scarf pin there could 
 rest no duplicity. Moreover, Mr. Klug was 
 still angry, and anger and discretion do not 
 dwell together. 
 
 "The United Sales Eecording Machine Com- 
 pany of New Jersey," he stated, rolling out 
 the name with a roundness which betrayed how 
 much in respect and even awe he held it. 
 
 Wallingford was now genuinely interested. 
 
 "Then you have a good patent," he re- 
 peated. "If they offered you three hundred 
 dollars it is worth thousands, otherwise they 
 would not buy it at any price. They have hun- 
 dreds of patents now, and you have something 
 that they have not covered." 
 
 182
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 "Four hundred and twelve patents they 
 own," corrected Mr. Klug. "I have been over 
 every one in the last six years, every little wire 
 and bar and spring in them, and mine is a 
 whole new machine, like nothing they have got. 
 They have got one man that does nothing else 
 but look after these patents. You know what 
 he said? 'Yes, you have worked six years for 
 a chance to hold us up. But we're used to it. 
 It happens to us every day. If you think you 
 can manufacture your machine and make any 
 money, go at it. ' He told me that ! ' ' 
 
 Wallingford nodded comprehendingly. 
 
 "Of course," he agreed. "They have either 
 fought out or bought out everybody who ever 
 poked their nose into the business. They had 
 to. I know all about them. If you have a clean 
 invention you were foolish to go to them with 
 it in the first place. They'd only offer you the 
 cost of the first lawsuit they're bound to bring 
 against you. That's no way to sell a patent. 
 Inventors all die poor for that very reason. 
 The thing for you to do is to start manufactur- 
 ing, and make them come to you. Throw a 
 scare into them." 
 
 Mr. Klug was frightened by the very sugges- 
 tion. 
 
 * ' Jiminy, no ! " he protested, shaking his head 
 
 183
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 vigorously. "I got no big money like that. 
 I 'd lose every cent and all my little property. ' ' 
 
 "It don't take so much money, if you use it 
 right," insisted Wallingford. "Use as little 
 capital as you can for manufacturing, and save 
 the most of it for litigation. I'll bet I could 
 sell your patent for you." He pondered a 
 while with slowly kindling eyes, and smiled out 
 of the window at the rushing landscape. "I 
 tell you what you do. Get up a company and 
 I'll buy some stock in it myself." 
 
 "Humbug with that stock business!" Mr. 
 Klug exclaimed with explosive violence, his 
 mustache bristling now until it stuck straight 
 out. "I would not get up any such a business 
 with stock in it. I had all the stock I want, 
 and I never buy nor sell any any more. I got 
 some I'll give away." 
 
 Wallingford smiled introspectively. 
 
 "Oh, well, form a partnership, then. You 
 have four or five friends who could put up five 
 thousand apiece, haven't you?" 
 
 Mr. Klug was quite certain of that. 
 
 "I am president of the Germania Building 
 Loan Association," he announced with pardon- 
 able pride. 
 
 "Then, of course, you can control money," 
 agreed the other in a tone which conveyed a 
 
 184
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 thoroughly proper appreciation of Mr. King's 
 standing. "I'll invest as much as anybody 
 else, and you put in your patent for a half in- 
 terest. We'll start manufacturing right away, 
 and if your machine's right, as it must be if 
 they offer to buy the patent at all, I'll make 
 the United people kneel down and coax us to 
 take their money. There are ways to do it." 
 
 "The machine is all right," declared Mr. 
 King. "Wait; I'll show it to you." 
 
 He hurried out to his seat, where reposed 
 a huge box like a typewriter case, but larger. 
 He lugged this back toward the smoker, into 
 which other passengers were now lounging, 
 but on the way Wallingford met him. 
 
 "Let's go in here, instead," said the latter, 
 and opened the door into the drawing room. 
 
 It was the first time Mr. Klug had ever been 
 in one of these compartments, and the sense of 
 exclusiveness it aroused fairly reeked of money. 
 The dreams of wealth that had been so rudely 
 shattered sprang once more into life as the in- 
 ventor opened the case and explained his de- 
 vice to this luxury-affording stranger, who, as 
 a display of their tickets had brought out, was 
 bound for his own city. It was a pneumatic 
 machine, each key actuating a piston which 
 flashed the numbered tickets noiselessly into 
 
 185
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 view. It was perfect in every particular, and 
 Wallingford examined it with an intelligent 
 scrutiny which raised him still further in Mr. 
 King's estimation; but as he compared patent 
 drawings and machine, intent apparently only 
 upon the mechanism, his busy mind was rang- 
 ing far and wide over many other matters, 
 bringing tangled threads of planning together 
 here and there, and knotting them firmly. 
 
 "Good," said he at last. "As I said, I'll 
 buy into your company. Get your friends to- 
 gether right away and manufacture this ma- 
 chine. I'll guarantee to get a proper price for 
 your patent" 
 
 196
 
 CHAPTER 
 
 MB. WALLINGFORD OFFERS UNLIMITED FINANCIAL 
 BACKING TO A NEW ENTERPRISE 
 
 THE hotel at which Mr. Wallingford had 
 elected to stop was only four blocks 
 from the depot, but he rode there in 
 a cab, and, having grandly emerged 
 after a soul-warming handshake with Mr. Klug, 
 paid liberally to have his friend the inventor 
 taken to his destination. His next step, after 
 being shown to one of the best suites in the 
 house, was to telephone for a certain lawyer 
 whose address he carried in his notebook, and 
 the next to make himself richly comfortable 
 after the manner of his kind. When the law- 
 yer arrived, he found Wallingford, in loung- 
 ing jacket and slippers and in fresh linen, en- 
 joying an appetizer of Eoquefort and cham- 
 pagne by way of resting from the fatigue of 
 his journey. He was a brisk young man, was 
 the lawyer, with his keen eyes set so close to- 
 gether that one praised Nature's care in hav- 
 ing inserted such a hard, sharp wedge of nose 
 to keep them apart. He cast a somewhat lin- 
 
 187
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 gering glance at the champagne as he sat 
 down, but he steadfastly refused Mr. Walling- 
 ford's proffer of a share in it. 
 
 "Not in business hours," he said, with over- 
 disdain of such weak indulgence. "In the 
 evening some time, possibly," and he bowed 
 his head with a thin-lipped smile to complete 
 the sentence. 
 
 "All right," acquiesced J. Kufus; "maybe 
 you will smoke then," and he pointed to cigars. 
 
 One of them Mr. Maylie took, and Walling- 
 ford was silent until he had lit it. 
 
 "How is this town?" he then asked. "Is 
 the treasury full, or are the smart people in 
 power t ' ' 
 
 The young man laughed, and, "with a com- 
 plete change of manner, drew his chair up to 
 the table with a jerk. 
 
 "Say; you're all right!" he admiringly ex- 
 claimed, and shoved forward the extra glass. 
 "They're in debt here up to their ears." 
 
 "Then they'd rather have the bail than the 
 man," Wallingford guessed, as he performed 
 the part of host with a practiced hand. 
 
 "Which would you rather have?" asked 
 Maylie, pausing with the glass drawn half way 
 toward him. 
 
 "The man." 
 
 188
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 "Then everybody's satisfied," announced the 
 lawyer. "If the authorities once get hold of 
 that five thousand dollars cash bail and the 
 man leaves town, they'll post police at every 
 train to warn him away if he ever comes 
 back." 
 
 "That's what I thought when I looked at 
 the streets. You can even get the bond 
 reduced. ' ' 
 
 "I don't know," replied the other, shaking 
 his head doubtfully. "I've tried it." 
 
 "But you didn't go to them with the cash in 
 your hand," Wallingford smilingly reminded 
 him, and from an envelope in his inside vest 
 pocket he produced a bundle of large bills. 
 "This is a purchase, understand, and it's worth 
 while to do a little dickering. Hurry, and bring 
 the goods back with you." 
 
 "Watch me," said Mr. Maylie, taking the 
 money with alacrity, but before he went out he 
 hastily swallowed another glass of wine. 
 
 He was gone about an hour, during which 
 his distinguished client was absorbed in draw- 
 ing sketch after sketch upon nice, clean sheets 
 of hotel stationery; and every sketch bore 
 a strong resemblance to some part of Mr. 
 King's pneumatic sales recording device. 
 Mr. Wallingford was very busy indeed 
 
 189
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 over the problem of selling Mr. King's 
 patent. 
 
 "Come in," lie called heartily in answer to 
 a knock at the door. 
 
 It opened and the voice of Mr. Maylie an- 
 nounced: " Here's the goods, all right." And 
 he ushered in a tall, woe-begone gentleman, who, 
 except for the untidiness of black mustache and 
 hair, and the startlingly wrinkled and rusty con- 
 dition of the black frock suit, bore strong resem- 
 blance to a certain expert collector and dissemi- 
 nator of foolish money one "Blackie" Daw! 
 
 Mr. Wallingford, who, in his creative en- 
 thusiasm, had shed his lounging coat and waist- 
 coat, and had even rolled up his shirt sleeves, 
 lay back in his chair and laughed until he shook 
 like a bowl of jelly. Mr. Daw, erstwhile the 
 dapper Mr. Daw, had gloomily advanced to 
 shake hands, but now suddenly burst forth in a 
 volley of language so fervid that Mr. Maylie 
 hastily closed the door. His large friend, with 
 the tears streaming down his face, thereupon 
 laughed all the more, but he managed to call 
 attention to a frost-covered silver pail which 
 awaited this moment, and while Mr. Daw 
 pounced upon that solace, Mr. Maylie, smiling 
 unobtrusively as one who must enjoy a joke 
 from the outside, proceeded to business. 
 
 190
 
 "I got him for four thousand," he informed 
 Mr. Wallingford and laid down a five-hun- 
 dred-dollar bill. The remainder, in hundreds, 
 he counted off one at a time, more slowly with 
 each one, and when there were but two left in 
 his hand Mr. Wallingford picked up the others 
 and stuffed them in his pocket. 
 
 "That will about square us, I guess," he 
 observed. 
 
 * * Certainly ; and thank you. Now, if there 's 
 anything else " 
 
 "Not a thing just now." 
 
 "Very well, sir," said Mr. Maylie with a 
 glance at the enticing hollow-stemmed glasses; 
 but it was quite evident that this was a 
 private bottle, and he edged himself out of 
 the door, disappearing with much the effect 
 of a sharp knife blade being closed back into 
 its handle. 
 
 Mr. Daw had tossed three bumpers of the 
 champagne down his throat without stopping 
 to taste them, and without setting down the 
 bottle. Now he poured one for Mr. Walling- 
 ford. 
 
 "Laugh, confound you; laugh!" he snarled. 
 "Maybe I look like the original comic supple- 
 ment, but I don't feel like a joke. Think of 
 it, J. Eufus! Four days in an infernal cement 
 
 191
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 tomb, with exactly seventeen iron bars in front 
 of me! I counted them twenty hours a day, 
 and I know. Seven-teen!" 
 
 He glanced down over his creased and 
 wrinkled and rusty clothing with a shudder, 
 and suddenly began to tear them off, not stop- 
 ping until he had divested himself of coat, vest 
 and trousers, which he flung upon a chair. 
 Then he rushed to the telephone, ridiculously 
 gaunt in his unsheathed state, and ordered a 
 valet and a barber. 
 
 1 ' Give me one of those hundreds, Jim, quick ! 
 I want it in my hand. Maybe I'll believe it's 
 real money after a while." 
 
 Mr. Wallingford chuckled again as he passed 
 over one of the crisp bills. "Cheer up, 
 Blackie," he admonished his friend. "See how 
 calm I am. Have a smoke." 
 
 Mr. Daw seized eagerly upon one of the cigars 
 that were proffered him; but he was still too 
 much perturbed to sit down, and stalked vio- 
 lently about the room like a huge pair of white 
 tongs. 
 
 "I notice you turn every seven feet," ob- 
 served Wallingford with a grin. "That must 
 have been the size of your cell. Well, you 
 never know your luck. Why, out here, Blackie, 
 your occupation is called swindling, and it's a 
 
 192
 
 wonder they didn't hang you. Yon see, in 
 these harvest festival towns there's not a yap 
 over twenty-five who hasn't been fanged on a 
 fake gold mine or something of the sort, and 
 when twelve of these horn boobs get a happy 
 chance at a vaselined gold brick artist like you, 
 nothing will suit them but a verdict of murder 
 in the first degree." 
 
 Mr. Daw merely swore. The events of the 
 past four days had dampened him so that he 
 was utterly incapable of defense. There was a 
 knock at the door. In view of his deshabille 
 the lank one retreated to the other room, but 
 when the caller proved to be only the valet, he 
 came prancing out with his clothes upon his 
 arm. "I want these back in half an hour," he 
 demanded, "and have this bill changed into 
 money I can understand. I feel better al- 
 ready," he added when the valet had gone. 
 "IVe ordered somebody to do something, and 
 he stood for it." 
 
 Wallingford brought from his closet a bath- 
 robe in which Mr. Daw could wrap himself two 
 or three times, and continued his lecture. 
 
 "It's too bad you don't understand your 
 profession," he went on, still amused. "Some- 
 times I think I'll buy you another acre of 
 Arizona sand and start a new mining company 
 
 193
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 with you, just to show you how the stock can 
 be sold safely and legally." 
 
 For the first time Mr. Daw was able to 
 grin. 
 
 "Who's that clattering down the street?" he 
 exclaimed with fine dramatic effect. "Why, it's 
 me! Notice how my coat tails snap as I top 
 yon distant hill. See how pale my face as I 
 turn to see if I am still pursued. Oh, no, J. 
 Bufus. We've been friends too long. I'd hate 
 to think of us losing sleep every night, trying 
 to figure how to give each other the double 
 cross. ' ' 
 
 "I got you at a bargain just now, and I 
 ought to be able to sell you cheap," retorted 
 the other. "By the way, it's a mighty lucky 
 thing for you that Fanny had some money 
 soaked away from that insurance deal of mine. 
 I had to all but use a club to get it, too. She 
 don't think very much of you. She thinks you 
 might lead me astray some time." 
 
 "Can limburger smell worse?" growled Mr. 
 Daw, but there he stopped. Four days in jail 
 had taken a lot of his gift of repartee away. 
 When barber and bootblack and valet had re- 
 stored him to his well-groomed ministerial as- 
 pect, however, his saturnine sense of humor 
 came back and he was able to enjoy the elab- 
 
 194
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 orate midday luncheon which his host had 
 served in the room. 
 
 "Amuse yourself, Blackie," invited Walling- 
 ford after luncheon. "Get orey-eyed if you 
 want to, and don't mind me, for I'm laying 
 the wires to locate here." 
 
 "Don't!" advised his friend. "This is a 
 poison town. Every dollar has a tag on it, and 
 if you touch one they examine the thumb 
 marks and pinch you." 
 
 "Not me! My legitimate methods will ex- 
 cite both awe and admiration." And he set to 
 work again. 
 
 Not caring to show himself in daylight, Mr. 
 Daw read papers and took naps and drank and 
 smoked until his midnight train; but, no mat- 
 ter what he did, Mr. Wallingford sat steadily 
 at the little desk, sketching, sketching, sketch- 
 ing. Along about closing time he went down to 
 make friends with the bartender, and before 
 he went to bed he had secured an unused sales 
 recording machine which was kept on hand for 
 use during conventions, and this he had taken 
 up to his rooms for leisurely study and com- 
 parison. In the morning he drove out to Carl 
 King's clean little model making shop in the 
 outskirts of the town, and here he found an in- 
 terested group gathered about the pneumatic 
 
 195
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 device that he had seen the day before. On a 
 bench lay the patent a real United States 
 Government patent with a seal and a ribbon 
 on it! 
 
 "Different from all the four hundred and 
 twelve patents, every place!" Mr. Klug had 
 just a shade pompously reiterated before Wal- 
 lingford came. 
 
 "So-o-o-o!" commented big Otto Schmitt, 
 the market gardener, as he pushed down the 
 dollar key and then the forty-five-cent key with 
 a huge, earth-brown finger that spread out on 
 the end like a flat club. "And how much does 
 it cost to make it?" 
 
 "Not twenty-five dollars apiece," claimed 
 Carl; "and the United Sales Eecording Ma- 
 chine Company sells them for two and three 
 hundred dollars. We can sell these for one 
 hundred, and when we get a good business they 
 must buy us out or we take all their trade away 
 from them. That's the way to sell a patent. 
 Because they don't do this way is why invent- 
 ors never get rich." 
 
 "Sure!" agreed Henry Vogel, the lean, raw- 
 boned carpenter. "When they buy us out, 
 that's where we make our money." 
 
 "Sure!" echoed Carl, and the three of them 
 laughed. It was such a pleasant idea that they 
 
 196
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 would be able to wrest some of its hoarded 
 thousands from a big monopoly. 
 
 "It is a good business," went on Carl. 
 "When I showed this machine to this Mr. Wal- 
 lingford I told you about, he said right away 
 he would come in. He is one of these Eastern 
 money fellows, and they are all smart men." 
 
 Over in the corner sat Jens Jensen, with a 
 hundred shrewd wrinkles in his face and a 
 fringe of wiry beard around his chin from ear 
 to ear. Up to now he had not said a word. He 
 was a next door neighbor to Carl, and he had 
 seen the great patent over and over. 
 
 "It is foolishness," declared Jens. "He is 
 a skinner, maybe; and, anyhow, if there's 
 money to be made we should keep it at home." 
 
 Big Otto Schmitt pushed down the two-dollar 
 key. The dollar ticket and the forty-five-cent 
 ticket disappeared, the two-dollar ticket came 
 up with a click, the drawer popped open and a 
 little bell rang. It was wonderful. 
 
 "I say it too," agreed Otto. His face was 
 broad and hard as granite, his cheekbones were 
 enormous and the skin over them was purple. 
 
 The four men were near the front windows 
 of the shop, and it was at this moment that 
 Wallingford's cab whirled up to the door. It 
 was a new looking cab, its woodwork polished 
 
 197
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 like a piano, the glass in it beveled plate. The 
 driver sprang down and opened the door. Out 
 of that small opening stepped the huge pro- 
 moter, resplendent in a new suit of brown 
 checks, and wearing a brown Derby, brown 
 shoes and brown silk hose, all of the exact shade 
 to match, while from his coat pocket peeped 
 the fingers of brown gloves. 
 
 " That's him," said Carl. 
 
 "I knew it," announced Jens Jensen. "He 
 is a skinner." 
 
 Nothing could exceed the affability of Mr. 
 Wallingford. He shook hands with Mr. Klug, 
 with Mr. Schmitt, with Mr. Vogel, with Mr. 
 Jensen; he smiled upon them in turns; he 
 made each one of them feel that never in all 
 his life had he been afforded a keener delight 
 than in this meeting. 
 
 "You have a fine little shop, Mr. Klug," he 
 said, looking about him with an air of pleased 
 surprise. "There is room right here to manu- 
 facture enough machines to scare the United 
 Sales Recording Machine Company into fits. 
 Gentlemen, if no one else cares for a share in 
 Mr. Klug's splendid invention, I am quite will- 
 ing to back him myself with all the capital he 
 needs." 
 
 This was an exceptionally generous offer on 
 
 198
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 Mr. Wallingford's part, particularly as the six 
 hundred dollars he had in his pocket was all 
 the capital he controlled in the world. In jus- 
 tice to him, however, it must be said that he 
 expected to have more money shortly. The 
 prospects seemed good. They looked him over. 
 Twenty-five thousand, fifty thousand, a hun- 
 dred thousand dollars; it was easy to see that 
 the gentleman could supply any or all of these 
 sums at a moment's notice. 
 
 "No!" said Jens Jensen, voicing the sud- 
 denly eager sentiment of all. "We're all go- 
 ing in it, and another man." 
 
 "Two other men," corrected Carl. "Doctor 
 Feldmeyer and Emil Kessler." 
 
 Otto Schmitt shook his head dubiously. 
 
 "Emil owes on his building loan," he ob- 
 served. 
 
 "EmiPs coming in," firmly repeated Carl 
 Klug. "He is a friend of mine. I will lend 
 him the money and he pays me when we sell 
 out." 
 
 Mr. Wallingford glanced out of the win- 
 dow at the shining cab and smiled. With 
 business people like these he felt that he could 
 get on. 
 
 "When, then, do we form the partnership?" 
 he asked. 
 
 199
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 * ' To-morrow ! ' ' Jens promptly informed him. 
 "We all put in what money we want to, and 
 we take out according to what we put in." 
 
 Jens, who had condemned Mr. Wallingford 
 at sight as a "skinner," now kept as close to 
 him as possible, and beamed up at him all the 
 time; one cordial handshake from the man of 
 millions had won him over. 
 
 "Carl," he suggested, "you must take Mr. 
 Wallingford over to the cellar." 
 
 ' ' Oh, we all go there, ' ' said big Otto Schmitt, 
 and they all laughed, Carl more than any of 
 them. 
 
 "Come on," he said. 
 
 Eight at the side of the shop stood Mr. 
 King's brick house, in the midst of a big gar- 
 den that was painfully orderly. Every tree 
 was whitewashed to exactly the same height, 
 and everything else that could be whitewashed 
 glared like new-fallen snow. The walks were 
 scrubbed until they were as red as bricks could 
 be made, and all in between was velvet-green 
 grass. There were flowers everywhere, and 
 climbing vines were matted upon the porch 
 trellises and against the entire front of the 
 house. In the rear garden could be seen all 
 sorts of kitchen vegetables in neat rows and 
 beds. Down into the front basement the five 
 
 200
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 men crowded and sat on rough wooden 
 benches. Jens Jensen hastened to spread a 
 clean newspaper on the bench where Mr. Wal- 
 lingford was to sit. Carl disappeared into an- 
 other part of the cellar and presently came out 
 again with a big jug and five glasses, all of dif- 
 ferent shapes and sizes. Out of the jug he 
 poured his best home-made wine, and they set- 
 tled down for a jovial half hour, in which they 
 admitted the guest of honor to full fellowship. 
 "You must come over to church to-night," 
 Jens Jensen insisted as they came away. "We 
 have a raffle and Doctor Feldmeyer will be 
 there. He is a swell. He will be glad to know 
 you. There will be plenty to eat and drink. 
 Look; you can see the church from here," and 
 he pointed out its tall spire. 
 
 Mr. Wallingford shook hands with Mr. Jen- 
 sen impulsively. 
 
 "I'll be there!" he declared with enthusiasm. 
 When he had gone, Carl Klug asked: 
 "Well, what do you think of him?" 
 "He is a swell," said Jens, and no voice 
 dissented. 
 
 201
 
 CHAPTER XIV 
 
 SHOWING HOW FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS MAY DO 
 THE WORK OF FIVE THOUSAND 
 
 AT a total cost of twenty-five dollars, 
 Mr. Wallingford made himself a 
 Prince of the Blood at the church 
 raffle that night, throwing down bills 
 and refusing all change, winning prizes and 
 turning them back to be raffled over again, 
 treating all the youngsters to endless grabs in 
 the "fish pond"; and Jens Jensen proudly in- 
 troduced him to everybody, beginning with the 
 minister and Emil Kessler the latter a thin, 
 white-faced man with a high brow, who looked 
 like a university professor and was a shoe- 
 maker and ending with Doctor Feldmeyer, 
 who came late. Wallingford 's eyes brightened 
 when he saw this gentleman. He was more or 
 less of a dandy, was the doctor, and had great 
 polish and suavity of manner. He had not 
 been with Mr. Wallingford five minutes until 
 he was talking of Europe. Mr. Wallingford 
 had also been to Europe. The doctor was very 
 keen on books, on music, on art, on all the re- 
 
 202
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 finements of life, also he was very much of a 
 ladies' man, he delicately insinuated, and not 
 one expression of his face was lost upon the 
 Eastern capitalist. It transpired that the doc- 
 tor was living at Mr. Wallingford's hotel, and 
 they went home together that night, leaving 
 behind them the ineffaceable impression that 
 the rich Mr. Wallingford was an invaluable 
 acquisition to Mr. Klug and his friends, to the 
 community, to the city, to any portion of the 
 globe which he might grace with his presence. 
 But when the invaluable acquisition was left 
 alone in his rooms he penned a long letter to 
 his wife. 
 
 "My dear Fanny," he wrote, "come right 
 away. I have in sight the biggest stake I have 
 made yet, in a clean, legitimate deal; and I 
 need your smiling countenance in my business. ' ' 
 
 He meant more by that than he would have 
 dared to tell her, but he laughed and mused 
 on Doctor Feldmeyer as he sealed the letter; 
 then he sent it out to be mailed and turned his 
 earnest attention to the inside of his sales re- 
 corder. This time he found the one little point 
 for which he had been looking: the thing that 
 he knew must be there, and the next morning, 
 bright and early, he drove out to Mr. King's 
 shop. 
 
 203
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "Mr. Klug, you are in bad," he said with 
 portentous gravity. "Look here." And he 
 pointed out the long, spring-actuated bar which 
 kept all the tickets from dropping back when 
 they sprang up, and released them as others 
 were shot into place. "This is an infringe- 
 ment of the United Sales Eecording Machine 
 Company's machine," he declared. 
 
 "Nothing like it!" indignantly denied the 
 inventor, bristling and reddening and puffing 
 his cheeks. 
 
 "The identical device is in every machine 
 they manufacture," insisted Wallingford; 
 "and I would bet you all you expect to make 
 that before you're on the market two days 
 they will have an injunction out against you 
 on that very point. Now let me show you 
 how we can get around it." 
 
 Mr. Klug reluctantly and protestingly fol- 
 lowed his mechanical idea, a logical applica- 
 tion of the pneumatic principle, as he made it 
 plain by sketches and demonstration on the 
 machine. 
 
 "Another thing," went on Mr. Wallingford. 
 "It occurs to me that all these little pistons 
 multiply the chances of throwing your ma- 
 chine out of order. Why don't you make one 
 compressible air chamber to actuate all the 
 
 204
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 ticket pistons and to be actuated by all the 
 keys, the keys also opening valves in the ticket 
 pistons? It would save at least five dollars on 
 each machine, make it simpler and much more 
 practical. Of course, I'll have to patent this 
 improvement, but I'll turn it over to you at 
 practically no cost to the company." 
 
 Mr. Klug merely blinked. Six long years 
 he had worked on this invention, following the 
 one idea doggedly and persistently, and he had 
 thought that he had it perfect. He had all the 
 United Company's patents marked in his copies 
 of the patent record, and now he went through 
 the more basic ones one after the other. 
 
 1 'It is not there," he said in triumph, after 
 an hour's search, during which Wallingford 
 patiently waited. One book he had held aside, 
 and now he put his finger quietly upon a draw- 
 ing in it. 
 
 "No," he admitted, "not in the form that 
 you have used it; but here is the trick that 
 covers the principle, and this patent still has 
 four years to run." 
 
 Carl examined it silently. In form the de- 
 vice was radically different from his own, but 
 when he came to analyze it he saw that Wal- 
 lingford was probably right; the principle 
 had been covered, at least nearly enough to 
 
 205
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 leave a loophole for litigation, and it worried 
 him beyond measure. 
 
 "Don't look at it that way," comforted Wal- 
 lingford. "Only be glad that we found it out 
 in time. I'll apply for this patent right away 
 and assign it to you. All I'll want for it will 
 be a slight credit on the books of the company ; 
 say fifteen hundred." 
 
 Again Carl Klug blinked. 
 
 "I'll let you know this afternoon." 
 
 He needed time to figure out this tangled 
 proposition; also he wanted, in simple honor, 
 to talk it over with his friends. 
 
 "All right," said Wallingford cheerfully. 
 "By the way, we don't want to form such a 
 big partnership in a lawyer's office, where 
 people are running in and out all the time. I'll 
 provide a room at my hotel. That will be bet- 
 ter, don't you think?" 
 
 "Sure," slowly agreed Mr. Klug. He was 
 glad to decide upon something about which a 
 decision was easy. 
 
 "Can you get word to the others?" asked 
 the promoter. "If not I'll go around and 
 notify them." 
 
 "Oh, they're going to meet here. They all 
 live up this way except Doctor Feldmeyer. 
 You see him. I'll bring the lawyer along." 
 
 206
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 4 'All right," said Wallingford, quite con- 
 vinced that a lawyer other than Maylie would 
 be secured, and after he had driven from sight 
 he took out his pocketbook and counted again 
 his available cash. 
 
 He had a trifle over six hundred dollars, and 
 in the afternoon he would be expected to pay 
 over the difference between five thousand dol- 
 lars and the fifteen hundred he was certain 
 would be allowed for his patent. Thirty-five 
 hundred dollars ! At the present moment there 
 was no place on earth that he could raise that 
 amount, but nevertheless he smiled compla- 
 cently as he put up his pocketbook. So long 
 as other people had money, the intricacies of 
 finance were only a pleasant recreation to him, 
 and it was with entire ease of mind that he 
 set the stage for his little drama at the hotel. 
 He had Doctor Feldmeyer to await Carl Klug 
 and his friends in the lobby and conduct them 
 up to a private dining room, where the man of 
 specious ideas, at the head of a long table and 
 strictly in his element, received them with 
 broad hospitality. In his bigness and richness 
 of apparel and his general air of belonging to 
 splendid things, he was particularly at home in 
 this high, beam-ceilinged apartment, with its 
 dark woodwork, its rich tapestry, its stained- 
 
 207
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 glass windows, its thick carpet, its glittering 
 buffet. Around the snowy clothed table were 
 chairs for eight, and at each plate stood a 
 generous goblet. As the first of the visitors 
 filed in, Wallingford touched a button, and al- 
 most by the time they were seated a waiter 
 appeared with huge glass pitchers of beer. 
 The coming of this beverage necessarily put 
 them all in a good humor, and there was much 
 refilling and laughing and talking of a purely 
 informal character until Doctor Feldmeyer 
 arose to his feet and tapped with his knuckles 
 upon the table, when deep gravity sat instantly 
 upon the assemblage. 
 
 "Since our host is already seated at the head 
 of the table," said the doctor with easy pleas- 
 antry, "I move that he be made temporary 
 chairman." 
 
 The doctor had lunched with Mr. Walling- 
 ford at noon, and now knew him to be a thor- 
 oughbred in every respect; a bon vivant who 
 knew good food and good wine and good fel- 
 lowship; a gentleman of vast financial re- 
 sources, who did not care how he spent his 
 money just so he got what he wanted when he 
 wanted it; and he was quite willing to voucE 
 for Mr. Wallingford, in every way, upon a 
 gentleman's basis! The election of Mr. Wal- 
 
 208
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 lingford as temporary chairman and of Doctor 
 Feldmeyer as temporary secretary were most 
 cordial and pleasant things to behold. The 
 lawyer, a dry little gentleman who never ven- 
 tured an opinion unless asked for it, and al- 
 ways put the answer in his bill, thereupon read 
 the articles of agreement which were to bind 
 these friends in a common partnership, 
 whereby it was understood that Mr. Klug, in 
 virtue of his patents, was to have one half in- 
 terest in the company, no matter to what size 
 it might be increased, and that the other gen- 
 tlemen were to put in such money as was 
 needed to carry on the business, each one to 
 share in the profits in exact proportion to the 
 amount of his investment. It appeared to be 
 the unsmiling consensus of the meeting that 
 this agreement was precisely what they wanted, 
 and after it had been read again, very slowly 
 and distinctly, the simply honorable gentlemen 
 interested solemnly signed it. While this little 
 formality was being looked after, with much 
 individual spelling out of the document, word 
 by word, under broad forefingers, the waiter 
 filled the glasses again and Wallingford turned 
 to Mr. Klug. 
 
 "By the way," he asked, in a voice low 
 enough to be taken as confidential but loud 
 
 14 Wallinxford 209
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 enough to be heard by those nearest, "have 
 you told the gentlemen about the new patent?" 
 
 Jens Jensen, seated next to Mr. Klug, took 
 it upon himself to answer. 
 
 "That is all right," he said, nodding his 
 head emphatically. "We know all about 
 that," and a glance at the nodding heads about 
 the table disposed of that question. It was 
 quite understood that Mr. Wallingford was to 
 have a fifteen-hundred-dollar credit for the in- 
 valuable addition and correction he had made 
 to their principal asset, the wonderful sales re- 
 corder patent. 
 
 "Very well, then," said Mr. Wallingford, 
 with a secret relief which he carefully kept out 
 of his voice, "as temporary chairman I would 
 instruct the secretary now to take the list of 
 subscriptions. ' ' 
 
 A sigh went around the table. This was 
 serious business, the letting go of toil-won 
 money, but nevertheless they would go sturdily 
 through with it. It appeared upon a canvass 
 that Mr. Schmitt and Mr. Jensen and Doctor 
 Feldmeyer and Mr. Wallingford were each 
 prepared immediately to invest fire thousand 
 dollars, while Mr. Vogel and Mr. Kessler were 
 each ready to invest two thousand. 
 
 "Twenty-four thousand dollars," announced 
 
 910
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 the doctor rotlndly, whereupon Mr. Walling- 
 ford arose. 
 
 " Gentlemen, " said he, "there is no use to 
 have idle capital. This is more money than we 
 shall need for some time to come, and that is 
 not good business. I therefore propose that 
 the total assessment from any one member at 
 this time be restricted to two thousand dollars. 
 That will allow Mr. Schmitt and Mr. Jensen, 
 Doctor Feldmeyer and myself each to keep 
 three thousand dollars of our money in our 
 savings banks, building associations and other 
 places where it is earning good interest, until 
 the company needs it, which may perhaps be 
 a matter of six months. I would like to have 
 a vote upon this proposition." 
 
 There could be but one answer to this. In- 
 terest! The savings of all these men through- 
 out their lives had been increased at three, 
 four and scarcely to exceed five per cent, 
 rates, and they had grown to reverence 
 interest almost more than capital. He was 
 a smart man, this Wallingford, to think of the 
 interest ! 
 
 Money was already appearing from deep 
 pockets when the crabby little lawyer, as if it 
 gave him pain to volunteer information, 
 wrenched from himself the fact that before 
 
 211
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 any money could be paid in some one must 
 be appointed to receive it. Thereupon, though 
 not a corporate association, they held an elec- 
 tion, and, naturally, Mr. v Klug was made presi- 
 dent. Mr. Wallingf ord firmly declined the vice 
 presidency and also the secretaryship. He 
 might even have had the post of treasurer, but 
 he was too modest, also too busy, to hold office. 
 No, he kindly stated, he would be a mere in- 
 vestor, ready to aid them with what little ad- 
 vice and experience he could give them, and 
 ready to back them to any extent if the time 
 should ever arise when their own finances 
 would prove insufficient to carry the Pneu- 
 matic Sales Recorder Company on to the un- 
 doubted success which awaited it! Thereupon 
 the treasurership was voted to Jens Jensen, 
 and Emil Kessler proposed that they pay in 
 their respective assessments and adjourn. He 
 had two thousand dollars of Carl Klug's 
 money in his pocket, and it made him a trifle 
 uncomfortable. 
 
 "I forbid anybody to leave this room," 
 laughingly announced Mr. Wallingford, and 
 gave a nod to the waiter, who disappeared. 
 "We'll pay in our money, but we have some 
 other very important business." 
 
 Doctor Feldmeyer also became jolly, to show 
 212
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 that he was in the secret. He drew a fountain 
 pen and a check book from his pocket. 
 
 ''Mr. Wallingford wants us to eat, drink 
 and make merry on the United Sales Becord- 
 ing Machine Company of New Jersey," he 
 told them as he wrote. 
 
 The joke was thoroughly appreciated. It 
 was a commendable and a holy thing to con- 
 spire to get the money of a monopoly away 
 from it, as every newspaper proved to them. 
 In pleasant pursuance of this idea, the United 
 Company, by methods that should proceed in 
 comfort and ease and entire absence of worry, 
 such as was foreshadowed by this luxurious 
 dining room and by the personal grandeur of 
 Mr. Wallingford, was to be brought suppli- 
 antly to its knees; so, with the utmost cheer- 
 fulness, each of these men paid over his sub- 
 scription. Doctor Feldmeyer was the only man 
 among them who paid by check. The rest was 
 in cash, but the host, busy with his hospitable 
 duties, held back his payment until the waiters 
 brought in a luncheon which was a revelation 
 in the way of "cold snacks." It was during 
 this appetite-whetting, gayety-promoting con- 
 fusion that Wallingford quietly paid over his 
 five hundred dollars this, with the fifteen 
 hundred dollars' credit on the coming patent, 
 
 213
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 making his contribution total to two thousand, 
 the same amount as that put in by every other 
 member of the company except Carl Klug. 
 This done, the clever gentleman surreptitiously 
 wiped his brow and sighed a little sigh all to 
 himself. It had taken him three days to figure 
 how to fasten upon Mr. Klug's patent and 
 prospects with as little money as five hundred 
 dollars ! 
 
 It was a happy crowd that dispersed an hour 
 later a crowd upon which Fortune already 
 beamed ; but the last of them had scarcely left 
 the room when their princely entertainer tele- 
 phoned for his own lawyer. 
 
 "I want you," said Wallingford to Mr. 
 Maylie, when he arrived, "to find out all you 
 can for me about the United Sales Eecording 
 Machine Company of New Jersey. I want to 
 know the outcome of every suit they have 
 brought against inf ringers of their patents, and 
 the present addresses of the people with whom 
 they fought; also all about the companies they 
 have been forced to buy out. Got that!" 
 
 "I'll get it," replied Mr. Maylie confidently, 
 and helped himself to a glass of champagne. 
 He looked longingly at the bottle as he finished 
 his first glass, but as Mr. Wallingford did not 
 invite him to have a second he went out. 
 
 
 214
 
 CHAPTER XV 
 
 WALLINGFOKD GENEROUSLY LOANS THE PNEUMATIC 
 COMPANY SOME OF ITS OWN MONEY 
 
 THE arrival of Mrs. Wallingford set 
 upon a much higher plane her hus- 
 band's already well-established repu- 
 tation as a capitalist of illimitable re- 
 sources, and had any one of his partners 
 paused to reflect that Mr. Wallingford had se- 
 cured an active interest in the concern for five 
 hundred dollars, Doctor Feldmeyer's report 
 of the capitalist's charming lady was enough 
 to make that trifling incident forgotten. To 
 Carl Klug and Jens Jensen at Carl's shop, the 
 doctor, without knowing it, did the missionary 
 work that Wallingford had planned for him to 
 do. 
 
 "She is a stunner," he declared, with the 
 faintest suggestion of a smirk, "and carries 
 herself like a queen. She wears a fur coat 
 that cost not less than six or seven hundred 
 dollars, and not a woman in this town has 
 such diamonds. We all went to the theater 
 last night, and there were more opera glasses 
 
 215
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 turned on our box than on the stage. I 
 tell you, our friend Wallingford has the best 
 there is, in women, as well as in wine, 
 and as for wealth, he could buy and sell us 
 all." 
 
 "I believe it," said Jens Jensen. "But 
 why should such a rich man go into a little 
 business ? ' ' 
 
 "Because," said Doctor Feldmeyer, with 
 profound wisdom, "a rich man never over- 
 looks a thousand per cent, like this. That's 
 why they are rich. Why, this man's daily ex- 
 penses would keep every one of us. He had 
 fine apartments at the hotel himself, but when 
 his wife came he got the best in the house 
 four fine, big rooms. Last night after the 
 theater he took me to his own dining room, and 
 we had a supper that cost not less than thirty 
 or forty dollars!" 
 
 Such gossip would go far to establishing any 
 man's reputation for wealth, especially among 
 such simple natured people as these, and it 
 was quite certain that Otto Schmitt and Henry 
 Vogel and Emil Kessler would hear every scrap 
 of it. Had Doctor Feldmeyer heard the con- 
 versation that took place after he left the Wal- 
 lingford suite the night before, his report might 
 have been slightly different. 
 
 216
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 "Well, Jim," Mrs. Wallingford had asked 
 with a trace of anxiety, "what are you doing 
 this time?" 
 
 "The United Sales Recording Machine Com- 
 pany of New Jersey," he replied with a laugh. 
 "You remember how they turned me down a 
 long time ago when I tried to sell them a pat- 
 ent?" She nodded. "You made me go right 
 to them and try what you called 'straight busi- 
 ness,' and I got what was coming to a molly- 
 coddle. I'm going to sell them a patent this 
 time, but in the right way, and for a good, big 
 round chunk." 
 
 "Whose patent?" she inquired. 
 
 "What's the difference?" he queried, and 
 laughed again. "It serves him right for be- 
 ing an inventor." 
 
 She did not laugh with him, however. She 
 sat in frowning disquiet, and he watched her 
 curiously. 
 
 "What's the matter with you?" he presently 
 complained. "It used to be enough for you 
 that I could not be jailed for having a few 
 dollars." 
 
 "We're nearly middle-aged, Jim," she re- 
 plied, turning to him soberly. "What will we 
 be like when we are old?" 
 
 "Cheer up, Fanny, and I will tell you the 
 
 217
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 worst!" he declaimed. "You'll be gray and 
 I'll be bald!" 
 
 She was compelled to laugh herself, and gave 
 up the idea of serious conversation with him, 
 for that time at least. 
 
 Doctor Feldmeyer, encouraged by Walling- 
 f ord, became an unofficial attache of the family 
 in the following weeks. Vain, susceptible, and 
 considering himself very much of a ladies' 
 man, he exerted himself to be agreeable, and 
 J. Rufus helped him to opportunities. If he 
 had any ulterior purpose in this he did not 
 confide it to his wife, or even let her suspect 
 it. It would not have been safe. In the mean- 
 time the affairs of the Pneumatic Sales Re- 
 corder Company moved speedily onward. One 
 entire end of his shop Carl Klug devoted to its 
 affairs, putting in special machinery and hir- 
 ing as many men as he could use, and here 
 Wallingford reported every day, his sugges- 
 tions being nearly always sound and inspiring 
 Mr. Klug's respect. He held his standing 
 with the rest of them in a different way. 
 When they called at the shop they found 
 Wallingford's cab always standing outside, 
 and it was soon noised about that this cab 
 was hired by the day! "Blackie" Daw, 
 levying his dubious contributions on a gul- 
 
 218
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 lible public, was paying for this and wiping 
 out his debt. 
 
 But little more than two months had elapsed 
 when Carl had his first lot of recorders ready 
 for the market, and the treasury was depleted. 
 Now it became necessary to have money for 
 marketing, and that meant the remaining 
 three thousand dollars of J. Rufus Walling- 
 ford's subscription or an evasion of it. Pre- 
 pared for this, he took the floor as soon as the 
 matter was mentioned at the meeting which 
 was called to levy this assessment. 
 
 "What is the use?" he demanded to know. 
 "Why use our own money? I understand that 
 Mr. Schmitt must get his three thousand from 
 the building loan association, to which he must 
 pay six per cent. I understand that Mr. Jen- 
 sen has his now out at five per cent. Let me 
 show you how to finance this concern. I will 
 put in ten thousand at once, and take the com- 
 pany's note. This note I can then discount, 
 and put the money right back into my busi- 
 ness, and in that way my ten thousand dollars 
 is doing twenty thousand dollars' worth of 
 work a bank carrying the burden of both 
 operations. ' ' 
 
 It was a financial argument entirely new to 
 these men, unused to tricks of money manipu- 
 
 219
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 lation, and it took them some little time to 
 grasp it. When they did, however, they were 
 as pleased as a boy with his first watch, and 
 Wallingford was a dazzling hero, as, with a 
 nonchalant air, after glancing at the clock to 
 make sure that it was after banking hours, 
 he wrote them a check on ''his bank in 
 Boston" for ten thousand, and took their 
 note, signed by the Pneumatic Sales Eecorder 
 Company and indorsed jointly by all its 
 members. 
 
 That night Wallingford drove up in hot 
 haste to Jens Jensen's house. 
 
 "Let me see that check I gave you this after- 
 noon," he demanded, with an air of suspecting 
 a good joke on himself. Jens, wondering, pro- 
 duced it from a little tin box. "That's what I 
 thought," said Wallingford as he glanced at 
 it. Then, smiling, he handed it back. "I have 
 made it out on the Fifth National of Boston. 
 They'd probably honor it, but it's the wrong 
 bank. I have a balance there, but am not sure 
 that it is sufficient to cover this check. Just 
 hold that, and I'll wire them in the morning. 
 If my balance isn't large enough I'll give you 
 a check on the First, with which I do most of 
 my business." 
 
 "Sure," said Jens, and put back into the tin 
 220
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 box the worthless paper which called for ten 
 thousand dollars. 
 
 The next morning Wallingford called at one 
 of the local banks and had no difficulty what- 
 ever in discounting the quite acceptable note. 
 He gained a full day by forwarding the pro- 
 ceeds, special delivery, to the Fifth National 
 Bank of Boston, where his balance at that mo- 
 ment was considerably less than a hundred dol- 
 lars; then he told Jensen to deposit the check: 
 that his balance in the Fifth National was all 
 right. 
 
 It was financial jugglery of a shrewd order, 
 and the juggler prided himself upon it. He 
 was not yet through, however. Having loaned 
 the company ten thousand dollars of its own 
 money at six per cent, interest, he was now 
 confronted by the necessity of securing money 
 for his own enormous personal expenses. For 
 replenishment, however, he had long planned, 
 and now he went to his new source of income 
 Doctor Feldmeyer. The time was ripe, for, 
 though Mrs. Wallingford had given him no 
 more encouragement than the ordinary cour- 
 teous graciousness which is so often misinter- 
 preted by male coquettes, the doctor was 
 aflame with foolish imaginings, and, within 
 the past week or so, had felt guilty upon every 
 
 221
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 meeting with Mr. Wallingford, betraying it as 
 Wallingford had planned that he should, grow- 
 ing nervous at a sharp glance, a sudden move- 
 ment, an obscure remark. He was as uncom- 
 fortable as guilty conscience ever made a cow- 
 ard, and when the big man, on the plea of 
 sudden business and personal needs, went to 
 him almost peremptorily for a loan of rather 
 staggering proportions, the doctor was an easy 
 victim. Thus provided and at ease, Walling- 
 ford "consented" to become the salesman for 
 the first output of Pneumatic Sales Recorders, 
 going directly to a list of cities supplied to him 
 by Maylie; and in those cities he went to see 
 certain gentlemen whose names came to him 
 from the same source! Incidentally, he sold a 
 number of sales recorders with a celerity that 
 was most gratifying to the delighted members 
 of the company. Why, even if the United 
 Sales Recording Machine Company of New 
 Jersey did not care to buy them out, a fortune 
 was in sight through the legitimate manufac- 
 ture and sale of this device! Before the sales- 
 man returned from his trip, however, a blow, 
 entirely unexpected by Klug and his friends, 
 fell on them from a clear sky. An injunction 
 and a notice of suit was served, not only upon 
 the company, but upon every purchaser of 
 
 222
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 their contrivance. The injunction restrained 
 the buyers from using and the company from 
 manufacturing or selling any further machines, 
 and the suit was for infringement of patent. 
 The device by which the drawer flew open 
 after the keys had been pressed, the United 
 Sales Recording Machine Company of New 
 Jersey claimed to be modeled upon their own. 
 The news was wired to Wallingford. He had 
 been waiting for it, and he came home at once, 
 where he found that Maylie had been ap- 
 pointed the local legal representative of the 
 big New Jersey concern; but as this had been 
 a matter of Wallingford 's own contriving, he 
 was not nearly so much surprised over it as he 
 might have been. He also found direst con- 
 sternation in the company's ranks, and himself 
 shook his head sadly when questioned, though 
 he spoke bravely. 
 
 "What we have to do," he declared, "is to 
 keep a stiff upper lip and fight it." 
 
 They did so. Within a couple of months they 
 had the suit decided in their favor, and Carl 
 Klug was vindicated in the eyes of his friends. 
 Again they were jubilant, again they pre- 
 pared for an era of commercial triumph; but 
 on the very next day another injunction and 
 suit were brought, and from the very start of 
 
 223
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 this proceeding delays were encountered. The 
 weakest case had been brought first, the stub- 
 born one being held back for a longer and more 
 discouraging fight. When that was over there 
 would be a third suit and a fourth. With their 
 millions of capital and their knowledge of such 
 matters, gleaned from vital struggles with 
 others who had demanded either their money 
 or their business life, they could continue such 
 a fight indefinitely, or until the Pneumatic 
 Sales Recorder Company should be choked out 
 of existence. 
 
 There never was a more discouraged lot of 
 men than those who met in Carl Klug's shop 
 upon the day after notice of this second suit 
 was brought. Wallingford was the most incon- 
 solable of all. Of course, if the others felt 
 like putting in any more money to fight this 
 company with its millions they could do so ; in 
 fact, they ought to do so, but his own business 
 affairs were in such shape that, at the present 
 moment, he could not spare a dollar. He said 
 this in such a hesitant way, with a five-hun- 
 dred-dollar diamond gleaming from his finger 
 and another from his scarf, that they felt sure 
 he had plenty of capital, but would not risk it 
 further in such a losing fight; and it helped 
 them to realize that all the capital they could 
 
 224
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 command would be but as a wisp of straw to 
 be brushed aside by this formidable giant, 
 which not only could crush them, but had the 
 disposition to do so. 
 
 Wallingford left them in this hopeless spirit, 
 and went "back East to look after his other 
 business." That business took him directly to 
 the offices of the United Sales Recording Ma- 
 chine Company of New Jersey, and into an im- 
 mediate conference with the man who had 
 charge of all its patent affairs. 
 
 "I have come to sell you the Pneumatic 
 Sales Eecorder Company," said Wallingford, 
 by way of introduction. 
 
 "The Pneumatic Sales Recorder Company?" 
 repeated Mr. Priestly vaguely, trying to con- 
 vey the impression that the name was unfa- 
 miliar to him, and he looked into his desk file. 
 "Oh, yes; we have a suit pending against 
 them." 
 
 "Exactly," agreed his caller. "Suit num- 
 ber two is now pending. We won suit number 
 one. We will win suits number two, three, 
 four, five and six, if need be, but it is such a 
 waste of money on both sides. You might just 
 as well buy us out now as later." 
 
 Mr. Priestly shook his head without a smile. 
 He was almost gloomy about it, even. He was 
 
 IS- Welling ford 225
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 a small man with gray mutton-chop whiskers, 
 and nothing could exceed his deep gravity. 
 From another file he produced a copy of the 
 patent taken out by Mr. King, and of the one 
 just issued to Mr. Wallingford, assignor to 
 Mr. King's company. 
 
 "The Pneumatic Sales Recorder Company,'* 
 he stated, tossing down the papers as if they 
 were too trifling to examine after he had found 
 them, "has nothing whatever that we wish to 
 purchase. ' ' 
 
 "Oh, yes, it has," Wallingford insisted. "It 
 has two patents, and the absolute certainty of 
 a business that in three years will take trade 
 enough and profits enough away from you to 
 buy the company several times over." 
 
 Again Mr. Priestly shook his head sadly. 
 
 "We shall have to wait three years to de- 
 termine that," he hinted, with no sinister in- 
 tonation whatever to go with the veiled threat. 
 "We must defend our very existence here 
 every day of our lives. If we did not we 
 would have been put out of the business years 
 ago." 
 
 "Exactly," again agreed the other. "In 
 your files you have comprehensive reports on 
 Mr. Carl King, Mr. Jens Jensen, Mr. Otto 
 Schmitt and the others of the company. You 
 
 226
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 know their small resources to a penny, and you 
 can figure almost to the day how long they can 
 last. But that, Mr. Priestly, is where you have 
 made your error, for these men will soon be 
 out of the game. I have here another list about 
 which you will not need to collect any informa- 
 tion, for you have it even in memory, no 
 doubt." 
 
 He laid before Mr. Priestly a neatly-type- 
 written slip, containing barely over half a 
 dozen names. In spite of his excellent facial 
 command, Mr. Priestly could not repress a 
 start of surprise, and he shot across at Mr. 
 Wallingford one quick little glance, which had 
 in it much more of respect than he had hitherto 
 shown. 
 
 "J. B. Hammond," read Mr. Priestly, 
 clutching at a straw. "The last name is fa- 
 miliar, but the initials are not." 
 
 "No," agreed Wallingford. "By the terms 
 under which he sold out to you, Mr. W. A. 
 Hammond is not to go into the sales recorder 
 business at all. Allow me to read you a let- 
 ter," and from a pocketbook he took a folded 
 paper. 
 
 "My dear Mr. Wallingford," he read. "Un- 
 der no circumstances could I participate in the 
 manufacture of sales recorders; but my son, 
 
 227
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 Mr. J. B. Hammond, is quite convinced that the 
 King patent is both practical and tenable, and 
 he advises me that he is willing to invest up to 
 two hundred thousand dollars, provided a com- 
 pany of at least one million bona fide capital- 
 ization can be formed." 
 
 "It is a curious coincidence," added Wal- 
 lingford, passing over this letter with a smile, 
 "that two hundred thousand dollars is exactly 
 the price you paid William Hammond for his 
 business, after five years of very bitter litiga- 
 tion. The son, no doubt, would take a keen 
 personal interest in regaining the losses of the 
 father through a company that has so excellent 
 a chance to compete with yours. You see, a 
 company with a million dollars, composed of 
 men who know all about the sales recorder busi- 
 ness, would set aside these suits of yours in a 
 jiffy, because they are untenable, and you know 
 it, although I do not expect you to admit it 
 just now. Mr. Keyes, whose name is next on 
 the list, had nothing left to sell after losing 
 almost a quarter of a million in fighting you, 
 and so is unbound. It just happens, however, 
 that he has been left quite a comfortable leg- 
 acy, and would like nothing so much as to sink 
 part of it in our company. Here is the letter 
 from Mr. Keyes," and he spread the second 
 
 228
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 document in the case before Mr. Priestly, who 
 now laid down the first letter and, readjusting 
 his glasses, took up the second one in profound 
 silence. 
 
 Mr. Wallingford lit a cigar in calm content 
 and waited until Mr. Priestly had finished 
 reading the letter of Mr. Keyes, when he pro- 
 duced another one. 
 
 "Mr. Bankley," he observed, "has never 
 been in the sales recorder business, but he ap- 
 parently has his own private and personal rea- 
 sons for wishing to engage in it," and at the 
 mention of Mr. Bankley 's name Mr. Priestly 
 broke the toothpick he was holding and threw 
 it away. 
 
 Mr. Bankley, as he quite well knew, was Mr. 
 Alexander's bitterest enemy, and Mr. Alex- 
 ander was practically the United Sales Becord- 
 ing Machine Company of New Jersey. Wal- 
 lingford went on down the list in calm joy. It 
 was composed entirely of men of means, who 
 would put into this enterprise not only ex- 
 perience and shrewd business ability, but a 
 particularly energetic hatred of the big cor- 
 poration and its components. 
 
 "I see," said Mr. Priestly, laying down the 
 final letter upon the previous ones, and with 
 great delicacy and precision placing a glass 
 
 229
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 paperweight squarely in the middle of them. 
 ''Permit me to retain these letters for a short 
 time. I wish to take them hefore our board of 
 directors." 
 
 "When?" asked Wallingford. 
 
 "Well, our regular monthly meeting " be- 
 gan Mr. Priestly. 
 
 "No, you don't," interrupted the other. "I 
 think a few minutes of conversation with Mr. 
 Alexander himself would do away entirely with 
 the necessity of consulting the board of direct- 
 ors. You think it possible, I know, that by go- 
 ing directly to Mr. Klug and his friends you 
 would be able to purchase the patents cheaper 
 than you can from me, but I am quite sure I 
 can convince Klug and his company that these 
 gentlemen will raise the price on you." 
 
 "Why didn't you form this new company in 
 the first place, then?" demanded Mr. Priestly 
 sharply, implying a doubt. "Why do you 
 come to us at all?" 
 
 "Because I personally," patiently explained 
 Wallingford, "can make more money by 
 quietly selling the patent to you than I per- 
 sonally can make by selling it openly to them, 
 as you will see if you reflect a moment. At 
 present I own a twelfth share in the company. 
 If I induce this other company to take hold of 
 
 230
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 it I must divide the purchase price into twelve 
 equal shares, of which I receive but one. Is 
 Mr. Alexander in the city?" 
 
 "I believe so," hesitated Mr. Priestly. 
 
 "Is he in his office?" 
 
 " Possibly," admitted the other. 
 
 "Oh, he's in, then," concluded Wallingford 
 sagely. "Well, I think you can give me my 
 answer in an hour. I'll be down at the Hotel 
 Vandyne. You might telephone me. I want 
 to go back West this evening." 
 
 It did not take Mr. Priestly and Mr. Alex- 
 ander sixty minutes to conclude that they could 
 save a lot of money by doing business with 
 Mr. Wallingford, and they asked him to drive 
 up to their office and see them again. When 
 they got through "dickering," Mr. Walling- 
 ford had agreed, in writing, to deliver over to 
 them, within sixty days, the Pneumatic Sales 
 Recorder Company patents, for the sum of one 
 hundred and seventy-five thousand dollars, the 
 receipt of a ten-thousand-dollar advance pay- 
 ment being acknowledged therewith. 
 
 Before he started West, Wallingford wired 
 Maylie: "Note due in morning. Advise bank 
 on quiet to sue." 
 
 231
 
 CHAPTER XVI 
 
 THE FINANCIER TAKES A FLYING TRIP TO EUROPE 
 ON AN AFFAIR OF THE HEART 
 
 A STORM that he had scarcely expected 
 awaited Wallingford when he re- 
 turned. His wife met him furiously. 
 She had all her belongings packed 
 separately from his own, and would have been 
 gone before his arrival but that she could not 
 express her anger in a mere letter. 
 
 "It is the last straw, Jim!" she charged him. 
 "You're growing worse all the time. I saw 
 that you were throwing me with this puppy 
 Feldmeyer deliberately, but was foolish enough 
 to think that you were doing it only so that I 
 might be amused while you were busy. As well 
 as I know you, I did not suspect that you could 
 possibly bring yourself to use me as a lever 
 to borrow money from him!" 
 
 A twinkle that he could not help came into 
 Wallingford 's eyes as he thought of how easily 
 Feldmeyer had been bent to his own ends, and 
 it was most unfortunate for him, for she caught 
 the look and interpreted it instantly. 
 
 232
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 "You're even proud of it!" she cried. 
 "There's nothing in this world sacred to you. 
 Why, only last night he made open love to 
 me and insisted that I ' disappear' with him 
 on a trip he is taking. He only laughed when 
 I told him how I hated him. He had been 
 drinking, and he and Maylie had been together. 
 They are on to you, Jim. Maylie has found 
 out something about you and has told Feld- 
 meyer, and now the man would believe any- 
 thing of you. He showed me your notes, and 
 as good as told me that I was in partnership 
 with you in getting money out of him. And 
 you exposed me to this!" 
 
 "Where is he?" asked Wallingford un- 
 steadily. 
 
 "I shan't tell you. He has left the city. 
 He left this morning, and I have been consid- 
 ering whether, after all, I had not better stay 
 sold." 
 
 They were in the parlor. Now she opened 
 the door into the next room. 
 
 "Where are you going?" he asked, stepping 
 toward her. 
 
 For reply she only laughed, the most un- 
 pleasant laugh he had ever heard from her, 
 and, stepping through, closed the door. Be- 
 fore he could reach it she had bolted it. He 
 
 233
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 went immediately into the hall, hut all the 
 other doors to their suite were also locked. 
 
 Maylie stepped out of the elevator as he was 
 pondering what to do. 
 
 11 Heard you had come in," said the lawyer, 
 in a jaunty tone of easy familiarity. "How 
 are tricks?" 
 
 The fellow stood in front of the open parlor 
 door, and the light streamed upon his face. 
 Wallingford, in the dimness, could study his 
 countenance without exposing his own to such 
 full scrutiny. There sat upon Maylie a new 
 self-possession that had something insolent 
 ahout it. Fanny had been right. Maylie had 
 heen getting reports upon him. 
 
 "Step in," he cordially invited, and Maylie 
 walked into the parlor. It was noticeable that 
 he kept his hat on until after he had sat down. 
 "Tricks are very fair indeed," continued Wal- 
 lingford in answer to the offhand question. 
 "We're going to get through with it in good 
 shape. ' ' 
 
 Maylie laughed. 
 
 "You're all right," he said. "From all ac- 
 counts you're a wonder. No matter what you 
 tackle, the milk stopper business, carpet tacks, 
 insurance, sales recorders, you're always a 
 winner," and after this hint that he knew 
 
 234
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 something of Wallingford's past he lit a cig- 
 arette with arrogant nonchalance, then got up 
 to close the hall door which had been left 
 slightly ajar. 
 
 Wallingford's half -closed eyes followed him 
 across the room with a gleam in which there 
 boded no good for Mr. Maylie. Turning, how- 
 ever, Maylie found his host laughing heartily. 
 
 "I seldom pick up the hot end of it," as- 
 serted Wallingford. "How about the bank?" 
 
 "They're offering suit right now, and the 
 Pneumatic will not pay the note. The com- 
 pany hasn't the money, and the tightening up 
 of the local financial situation that has come 
 about in the past month will make it almost 
 impossible to realize on such trifling securities 
 as the members have. Moreover, if they had 
 money they're scared stiff, and not one of 
 them would put up a dollar, except Klug, 
 perhaps. They'll let the company go to a 
 forced sale. I guess that's what you wanted, 
 isn't it?" 
 
 "I'm not going to say about that," replied 
 Wallingford. "The less we talk, even with the 
 doors locked, the better." 
 
 "That's so," agreed Maylie; "only there's 
 one point of it we must talk about. How did 
 you come out in the East?" 
 
 235
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 "I have just told you not to try to know 
 too much." 
 
 "I don't want to know too much. I only 
 want to know where I come in." 
 
 "Your experience with me ought to tell you 
 that you will have no occasion to quarrel with 
 your fee." 
 
 "I thought so," retorted Maylie, leaning for- 
 ward with a laugh that was more like a sneer ; 
 "but I want more than a fee, and I'm going 
 to have more than a fee!" 
 
 For just one instant Wallingford almost 
 lost his suavity, but whatever game he played 
 he held all its tangled ends continuously in 
 view. 
 
 "So we're all thieves together, eh?" he said, 
 smiling, and the gleam of gratification upon 
 Maylie 's face assured him that he was upon 
 the right track. "Of course, I know that you 
 have a string on me in this matter and can 
 hold me up," he admitted, as if reluctantly, 
 "so suppose we say ten thousand for you, if 
 the deal goes through the way I want it." 
 
 "Now you're shouting!" exclaimed Maylie, 
 and rising impulsively he shook hands with 
 great enthusiasm. "You may count on me." 
 
 "I do," said Wallingford, also rising; and, 
 still keeping his grip of the lawyer's hand, he 
 
 236
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 turned his back squarely to the window, so 
 that Maylie would be compelled to face it. "I 
 consider you as mine from this minute." 
 
 As he said the words there came that little 
 flicker in Maylie 's close set eyes for which he 
 had been looking. It told of negation that 
 Maylie still held his own plans in reserve. So 
 adroit himself in plot and counterplot, it was 
 no trick for Wallingford to fathom this ama- 
 teur, and he let the lawyer go away hugging 
 the delusion that he had this experienced 
 schemer under his thumb; then Wallingford 
 once more turned his attention to the locked 
 door. 
 
 The silence within those other rooms had be- 
 come oppressive, and a panic began to come 
 over him. He knocked, but there was no re- 
 sponse. He went out into the hall once more, 
 and trying each of the knobs shook them. The 
 far door, to his surprise, opened under his 
 hand. Not one valued possession of Mrs. Wal- 
 lingford 's was in evidence. Empty dresser 
 drawers were open, and two suit cases were 
 gone. A trunk in the corner stood wide, and 
 its bulky articles of lesser worth were strewn 
 upon the floor. He immediately telephoned 
 from that room. Yes, Mrs. Wallingford had 
 gone. No, they did not know to which depot. 
 
 237
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 She had merely called a cab and had hurried 
 away. He ordered up time tables and studied 
 them feverishly. Almost at this very moment 
 trains were leaving from two different depots, 
 and these were more than three miles apart. 
 There was no chance of finding quickly to 
 which one she had gone. A horrible fear op- 
 pressed him. That she had joined Feldmeyer 
 was almost inconceivable, but that she might 
 have taken even this revenge for the slight 
 that had made her furious was a thought in 
 harmony with the principles by which, through 
 his own moral warp, he judged humanity, and 
 he was frantic. At Feldmeyer 's office he found 
 the door also locked and the rooms for rent! 
 
 The next train for the East found Walling- 
 ford upon it. He spent days in attempting to 
 get on the track of them, and he finally found 
 out about Feldmeyer. He had gone to Europe. 
 On the sailing list almost any name might con- 
 ceal his wife, and to Europe went Wallingf ord, 
 misled by his own worse self. It was charac- 
 teristic of him that, having found Feldmeyer 
 and being convinced that Mrs. Wallingford 
 had never joined that gentleman, he should re- 
 mind the doctor that he had been "chased" 
 with his own money; and then he hurried 
 home, more worried than ever, but his precious 
 
 238
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 ten thousand dollars still intact and with some 
 to spare. He needed that ten thousand for a 
 specific purpose. Finally it occurred to him 
 to enlist the services of "Blackie" Daw, and 
 hunted that enterprising salesman of insecure 
 securities. Blackie laughed at him and handed 
 him a letter. Partly to punish her husband and 
 partly to satisfy certain vague, mistaken long- 
 ings she had cherished for a " quiet life," Mrs. 
 Wallingford had immured herself in a little 
 village, living most comfortably upon her dia- 
 monds; but now she was tired of it and anx- 
 ious for "Jim!" 
 
 "It's no use," she confessed when he had 
 hurried to her. "Your way is wrong, but 
 you've spoiled me with luxury." 
 
 "I'll spoil you with more of it," he assured 
 her, petting her with an overgrown playful- 
 ness that seemed strange in one of his bigness 
 of frame, and made of his varied character a 
 most complex thing; "but if I don't hurry 
 back on the job I'll get the hooks." 
 
 It was, in fact, high time for him to return 
 to business, for he could get no wire from 
 Maylie about the forced sale; and this was the 
 strategic point for which he had been planning 
 since the day he met Carl Klug. Three tele- 
 grams drew no response, and there was no 
 
 239
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 one else to whom he dared wire in the present 
 condition of affairs. Leaving his wife where 
 she was for the present, he took the first train 
 for the West and, arriving on the day before 
 the sale, drove directly from the train to Carl 
 King's, where he found a mournful assembly. 
 
 "That's him!" exclaimed Jens Jensen, as 
 he came into the shop. "I always said he was 
 a skinner." 
 
 Klug looked at him with dull eyes. Otto 
 Schmitt arose to his threatening, rawboned 
 height. Henry Vogel put his hand on Otto's 
 arm. 
 
 "Wait a minute," he cautioned. "You don't 
 know anything for sure about things." 
 
 "What's the matter?" Wallingford asked, 
 stopped in the midst of his intended cordial 
 greeting by the hostile air of the gathering. 
 
 "You done it a-purpose," charged Jens, 
 shaking his skinny fist. "You got from us that 
 note, and now it shuts us up in business. You 
 say you back the company for all you're worth. 
 Maybe you ain't worth anything. If you ain't 
 you're a liar. If you are worth something you 
 don't back us up. Then you're a liar again, so 
 that makes you a skinner!" 
 
 "Gentlemen," said Wallingford sternly, "I 
 am surprised. The question of whether I have 
 
 240
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 or have not money is not worth arguing just 
 now. The point is this : if any one of you had 
 money would you be willing to invest it against 
 the millions of the United Sales Recording Ma- 
 chine Company of New Jersey? Would you, 
 Mr. Jensen?" 
 
 "I don't know," said Jens sullenly. "I 
 think you're a skinner." 
 
 Wallingford shrugged his shoulders. 
 
 4 'Would you, Mr. Schmitt?" 
 
 "No," said Otto, and unclenched his huge 
 fists. 
 
 "Would you, Vogel!" 
 
 Vogel was positive about it, too. It would 
 be throwing good money after bad. 
 
 "I ask Mr. Klug. Would you, Carl?" 
 
 "Yes," sturdily asserted Carl, his mustache 
 bristling, his face puffing red. "Every cent. 
 It is a good patent. It is a good machine. 
 There's money in it." 
 
 "Maybe," admitted Mr. Wallingford; "but 
 let me tell you something I found out during 
 my trip East. For five years the Hammond 
 Automatic Cashier Company fought the United 
 Sales Eecording Machine Company of New 
 Jersey tooth and toe nail, and finally sold out 
 to them for two hundred thousand dollars, a 
 net loss of over a quarter of a million, besides 
 
 16 Wallingford 241
 
 GET-E1CH-QUICK 
 
 all their time. During the same period, the 
 Keyes Accounting Device Company, with a 
 capital of three hundred thousand dollars, was 
 fought out of existence and quit without a cent. 
 The Burch Company, the Electric Sales Check- 
 ing System Company and the Wakeford and 
 Littleman Store Supply Company, all rich, all 
 met the same fate. That note you gave me 
 was a mere incident. You had the ten thou- 
 sand dollars, have used it in the business, and 
 it is gone. If you had a hundred thousand 
 dollars more on top of it, that would drop into 
 the same hole, for I am told that the United 
 Company lays aside twenty-five dollars from 
 every sale for patent litigation. But since Jen- 
 sen seems to think I am not a man of my word 
 I will do this: There are seven of us in the 
 company. I will put in ten thousand dollars 
 if the rest of you will raise thirty. We will 
 pay this note and hire lawyers as long as we 
 last, and as a proof that I mean what I say 
 here is ten thousand dollars that I will put into 
 the hands of your treasurer the minute the 
 rest of you are ready to make up your share." 
 From his pocket he drew ten bills of one 
 thousand dollars each. It was the first time 
 they had any of them seen money of such 
 large denomination, and it had a visible effect. 
 
 242
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 "I can raise five thousand dollars on my 
 house and shop," offered Carl Klug hopefully, 
 but one glance at the glum faces of his friends 
 was enough to discourage that idea. 
 
 Wallingford was rehabilitated, but not their 
 faith in Carl Klug's unlucky device. The sale 
 of the company must bring something, pos- 
 sibly enough to settle the note. If they could 
 get out of it without losing any more they 
 would consider themselves lucky. 
 
 "When is this sale?" asked Wallingford. 
 
 ' ' To-morrow morning at ten o 'clock. Here. ' J 
 
 "Very well," said Wallingford. "If before 
 that time any of you want to take up the 
 offer I have just made, you are welcome to 
 do so," and he put the money back in his 
 pocket. 
 
 He had found out what he wanted to know, 
 and drove away well satisfied with the results 
 of his visit. His proposition to put further 
 cash into the concern "if they would raise 
 thirty thousand dollars" had wrought the ef- 
 fect he had calculated upon. It had scared 
 them out completely. 
 
 At his hotel he found three telephone mem- 
 oranda waiting for him. They were all from 
 the same source: room number 425 of the 
 only other good hotel in the city. He did not 
 
 243
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 answer this call until he got to his own rooms, 
 and then he spoke with much briefness. 
 
 "No, do not come over," he peremptorily 
 insisted. "I have no time to-day nor to-night, 
 nor until after the sale. It is at ten o'clock, 
 at 2245 Poplar Street. Stay right where you 
 are. I'll send you over the stuff within an 
 hour," and he rang off. 
 
 As soon as he could get connection he called 
 up Maylie, but if the latter contemplated any 
 trickery he did not show it by any hesitation 
 of speech when he recognized Wallingf ord 's 
 voice. As a matter of fact, he already knew 
 Wallingford to be in town. He was cordiality 
 itself. Why, certainly, he would be right 
 over! His cordiality, however, could not be 
 exceeded by that of Mr. Wallingford when 
 they met. 
 
 "You simply must stay for dinner with me, 
 old man," said Wallingford. "I have a lot 
 of things to talk over with you." 
 
 "I really have an engagement," Maylie hesi- 
 tated. He had not, but he would much rather 
 have been alone, this night of all nights. 
 
 "Nonsense," insisted Wallingford. "This 
 is more important. It means money, and big 
 money, to both of us, and we'll just have din- 
 ner up here. We want to be alone to-night. 
 
 244
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 There might always be somebody at the next 
 table, you know." 
 
 Within ten minutes Maylie was glad he had 
 stayed, and the dinner he heard Wallingford 
 order had reconciled him. He had been doing 
 yeoman work for himself, and he felt entitled 
 to a certain amount of indulgence. Within an- 
 other ten minutes a bottle of champagne was 
 opened, and Wallingford, taking one glass of 
 it, excused himself to remove the stains of 
 travel. When he came back, refreshed and 
 clean, the quart of wine was nearly emptied, 
 and Maylie, leaning back in a big leather chair, 
 was puffing smoke rings at the ceiling in huge 
 content. 
 
 245
 
 CHAPTEE XVII 
 
 WHEREIN A GOOD STOMACH FOE STRONG DRINK 
 IS WORTH THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS 
 
 WINE was the piece de resistance of 
 that dinner. There were other 
 things, certainly, course after 
 course, one of those leisurely, 
 carefully blended affairs for which Walling- 
 ford was famous among his friends, a dinner 
 that extended to nearly three hours, perfect in 
 its ordering and appointments; but champagne 
 was, after all, its main ingredient. It was on 
 the table before the first course was served, 
 and half emptied bottles and glasses of it were 
 there when they came to the coffee and the 
 cordials and the fat black cigars. In all, they 
 had consumed an enormous quantity, but Wal- 
 lingford was as steady as when he began, while 
 Maylie was flushed and ao buoyant that every- 
 thing was a hilarious joke. Wallingford, on 
 their first encounter, had detected this appetite 
 in the young man, and had saved it for just 
 such a possibility as this. It was half past nine 
 before they arose from the table, and by that 
 
 246
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 time Maylie was ripe for any suggestion. Wal- 
 lingford 's proposal that they pile into a car- 
 riage and take a ride met with instant and en- 
 thusiastic acquiescence. There were clubs to 
 which Wallingford had already secured the 
 entree by his personality and his free handling 
 of money, and now he put them to full and 
 extravagant use. 
 
 Dawn was breaking when the roisterers 
 finally rolled back to Wallingford 's apart- 
 ments. Wallingford was holding himself right 
 by a grim effort, but Maylie had passed to a 
 pitiable condition of imbecility. His hair was 
 stringing down over his forehead, and his face 
 was of a ghastly pallor. In the parlor, how- 
 ever, he drew himself together for a moment 
 and thought that he was capable of great 
 shrewdness. 
 
 "Look yere, ole man," he stammered, try- 
 ing to focus his gaze upon his watch; "this 's 
 mornin' now, an' i'ss all off. Tha's sale's at 
 ten o'clock an' we godda be there." 
 
 "We'll be there all right," said Wallingford. 
 "What we need's a little nap. There are two 
 bedrooms here. We'll leave a call for nine 
 o'clock. Three hours of sleep will do us more 
 good than anything else." 
 
 "Aw ri'," agreed Maylie, and winked labo- 
 
 247
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 riously to himself as an absurdly foolish idea 
 came to him that he would let Wallingford get 
 to sleep first, and would then change the call 
 to his own room. He would answer that call, 
 take a hasty plunge, dress and walk out, leav- 
 ing Wallingford to sleep on for a week ! Wal- 
 lingford, in the dining room, sought for the 
 thing he had ordered left there: one more bot- 
 tle, packed tightly in its ice, and this he now 
 opened. Into Maylie's glass he poured two or 
 three drops of a colorless liquid from a little 
 vial he carried, filled it with wine and set it 
 before him. Maylie pushed it away. 
 
 "Do' wan' any more wine," he protested. 
 
 "Sure you do. A nightcap with your dear 
 old pal!" Wallingford persisted, and clinked 
 glasses with him. 
 
 Maylie obeyed that clink as he would not 
 have responded to any verbal urging. He 
 reached for the glass of champagne and drank 
 half of it, then collapsed in his chair. Wal- 
 lingford sat opposite to him and watched him 
 as intently as a cat watches a mouse hole, sip- 
 ping at his own wine quietly from time to time. 
 His capacity was a byword among his friends. 
 Maylie's hand slipped from his chair and 
 hung straight down, the other one curling 
 awkwardly upon his lap. His head drooped 
 
 248
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 and he began to snore. He was good for an 
 all-day sleep. Only a doctor could arouse him 
 from it. 
 
 Wallingf ord still waited. By and by he lifted 
 up the hanging hand and dropped it roughly. 
 Maylie made not the slightest motion. Wal- 
 lingford stood above him and looked down in 
 smiling contempt; and the ghastly blending of 
 the artificial light with the morning, where it 
 struggled bluely in around the edges of the 
 blinds, touched the smile into a snarl. Sud- 
 denly he stooped to the limp figure in the chair 
 and picked it up bodily in his arms, and, stag- 
 gering slightly under the burden, carried the 
 insensate lump to the far sleeping apartment 
 and laid it upon the bed. He loosened the 
 man's collar and took off his shoes, then, as 
 calmly and unconcernedly as he might read a 
 newspaper, he went through Mr. Maylie 's 
 clothing. 
 
 Nothing worth mentioning in the outside 
 coat pockets; nothing in the inside coat pock- 
 ets; in the inside vest pocket a few yellow 
 papers! He did not even stop at the window 
 of this dim room to make sure of what he held. 
 He was sure without looking. Into the parlor 
 and to an easy chair he took them and opened 
 them with grim satisfaction. They were tele- 
 
 249
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 grams, all from the United Sales Kecording 
 Machine Company of New Jersey, and they 
 told an absorbingly interesting story. There 
 were four, and in the order of their receipt 
 they read thus: 
 
 Were already informed our Mr. Bowman 
 will report to you in time for sale 
 
 Since you think Bowman's presence might 
 hurt negotiations he will not come look to you 
 to bid us in at lowest possible figure 
 
 Up. to one hundred and fifty thousand if 
 bidding goes above that wire for further instruc- 
 tions 
 
 Yes keep all under fifty thousand for your fee 
 
 Business! All pure business! The United 
 Sales Recording Machine Company of New 
 Jersey was being held up, and it was good busi- 
 ness for them to see that they were mulcted of 
 as little as possible. Wallingford rather ad- 
 mired them for it. Since the property was at 
 open sale they had .as much right to buy it 
 as he had. He read these telegrams over and 
 over in profound content. He had foreseen 
 them. Moreover, he had read not only May- 
 
 250
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 lie's intention, but his plan and every detail 
 of it, and for him he felt no admiration what- 
 ever. Maylie was too clumsy. 
 
 There was a small serving table in the 
 dining room, and Wallingford carried that in 
 to the sleeper's bedside. Upon this he spread 
 the four telegrams in neat order, and weighted 
 them down with empty glasses for Mr. May- 
 lie's absorbed study if he should happen to 
 awaken. Next he drew his favorite chair into 
 that room, and placed it at the opposite end of 
 the serving table. He put upon this the cham- 
 pagne bottle and his own glass, and lighting a 
 big and extremely black cigar he sat down to 
 watch his erstwhile comrade, for he was tak- 
 ing no chances. Whenever he felt himself 
 nodding or letting that cigar lax in his fingers 
 he took a tiny sip of the champagne. Some- 
 tunes he went in and held his head under the 
 cold water faucet. 
 
 At the end of the first hour sleep threatened 
 to overcome him, in spite of all that he could 
 do, and going into the bathroom he undressed 
 and took a cold shower. That refreshed him 
 exceedingly, and the feel of cool, fresh linen 
 upon him brightened him still more, for in his 
 personal habits he was clean as a cat. It 
 crossed his mind once or twice to send down 
 
 251
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 and get newspapers, but he knew that the least 
 strain upon his eyes would send him to sleep 
 quicker than anything else. The second hour 
 passed; the third, then the fourth one dragged 
 wearily by. At the beginning of the fifth he 
 began to stumble as he walked from room to 
 room to keep awake, but never for more than 
 five minutes at a time did he let that sleeping 
 man out of his sight. 
 
 It seemed an eternity until the telephone bell 
 rang in the parlor with startling insistence. 
 With a glance of triumph toward the bed, he 
 hurried in to obey the welcome call. 
 
 "Yes, this is Wallingf ord, " he answered 
 huskily. "How about it? ... Good. How 
 much? . . . What? All right, come straight 
 up." 
 
 He stood scratching his head and trying to 
 think for a few minutes, endeavoring to recall 
 a certain number that he had in mind. Then 
 he turned to the telephone book and fumbled 
 through its leaves, backward and forward. His 
 thumbs and fingers were like clubs. They had 
 no feeling whatever. It took him whole min- 
 utes to separate two leaves from each other, 
 swaying upon his feet and muttering to him- 
 self, but finally he found the name he wanted 
 and put in the call. Slowly and with tremen- 
 
 252
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 dous effort he delivered his message, then 
 slapped the receiver on the hook and staggered 
 back to his chair. His fight against sleep for 
 the next ten relaxed minutes was like a drown- 
 ing man's fight for life, but he conquered, and 
 when, a few moments later, there came a knock 
 at his door, he was able to open it briskly. 
 
 "Hee-avings hee-elp us!" exclaimed Blackie 
 Daw when he came in. "What a bat you've 
 been on! Have you looked at yourself, J. 
 Rufus?" and kicking the door shut he walked 
 his friend up in front of the mantel mirror. 
 
 Wallingford focused his attention upon his 
 own puffed face, on the swelled and reddened 
 eyelids, on the bloodshot eyes, and laughed 
 hoarsely. 
 
 "It's worth it," he declared. "I win over 
 one hundred and fifty thousand clean, cold 
 simoleans. But how did you come to have to 
 pay eight thousand for the patents?" 
 
 "Klug," replied Blackie. "I thought for a 
 minute he'd top my pile. He'd raised a little 
 money some place, but he spent four thousand 
 of it bidding in some machinery. It never 
 flashed on him that the patents would have to 
 be sold, too, and he nearly took a fit when he 
 found it out. Game, though. He bid 'em up to 
 his last cent. We had been going in five-hun- 
 
 253
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 dred-dollar raises until it got up to six thou- 
 sand. That was Mr. Klug's last bid, for I 
 piled two thousand square on top of it and 
 tried to look like I could go two thousand at a 
 jump for the next two hours, and then Klug 
 laid down." 
 
 "Eight thousand and four thousand. That's 
 twelve thousand, and the bank's note is ten," 
 figured Wallingford with painful slowness. 
 "The costs will run about two hundred, and 
 that lets the company have eighteen hundred 
 dollars to divide among the partners. Why, 
 say, Blackie, I get one twelfth of that ! There 's 
 about a hundred and fifty dollars coming to 
 me. Suppose we go over and get it." 
 
 He laughed, but even as he did so he 
 swayed and caught at a chair, and his eyelids 
 dropped. 
 
 "I've got to keep up now until we get into 
 a Pullman," he mumbled with halting effort. 
 "Sleep? I'll sleep all the way to New Jersey. 
 Did you arrange to pay for the patents?" 
 
 "Did I?" triumphed Mr. Daw. "Trust your 
 uncle for that. Say, J. Eufus, what '11 you give 
 me to transfer them over to you?" 
 
 Wallingford turned to his friend a counte- 
 nance that was almost ferocious in its suddem 
 alertness. 
 
 254
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 "I'll give you twenty minutes to do it in," 
 he said with a growl. " There's a lawyer on 
 the way here now, and I can have a policeman 
 here in two minutes. You know you jumped 
 bail in this town, don't you!" 
 
 Mr. Daw was shocked. 
 
 " There's no need for you to be so ugly about 
 it, J. Rufus," he protested. "I wouldn't take 
 a cent away from you." 
 
 "Wouldn't you!" sneered J. Rufus. "Do 
 you know why? I'd never give you a chance. 
 Let me show you the last man that tried to do 
 me up," and he led the way into the apart- 
 ment where Mr. Maylie still lay in profound 
 slumber. 
 
 Mr. Daw grinned. 
 
 "He makes you look perfectly sober," he 
 confessed; "but what are those papers on the 
 table!" 
 
 Mr. Wallingford laughed quite naturally this 
 time. 
 
 "Poor boob!" he said. "He just lost forty 
 thousand, and those telegrams are his fee." 
 
 65
 
 CHAPTEE 
 
 THE TOWN OF BATTLESBURG FINDS A PRIVATE 
 RAILROAD CAR IN ITS MIDST ! 
 
 SLEEP, blessed sleep! Desperately Wal- 
 lingford fought it off until the lawyer 
 had arrived and the necessary docu- 
 ments had been signed, and then, more 
 dead than alive, he allowed himself to be bun- 
 dled into a cab. 
 
 "Now, J. Eufus," said Blackie Daw as he 
 jumped in beside him, "we have your affairs 
 all wound up and a red ribbon tied around 
 them, so let's 'tend to Happy Horace. I'm a 
 bridegroom! Congratulate muh." 
 
 "Hull?" grunted J. Eufus, and immediately 
 there followed another succession of unintel- 
 ligible sounds. Wallingford was snoring. 
 
 It was precisely twenty-four hours before 
 Mr. Daw could convey this important infor- 
 mation to his friend and make him understand 
 it, and it was not until they had arrived in 
 Jersey City that J. Eufus, still dull from his 
 nerve-racking experience, was normal enough 
 to ask: 
 
 256
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 "Who's the lucky lady?" 
 
 "The Star of Morning and the Queen of 
 Night," responded Blackie with vast enthu- 
 siasm. "The one best bet of blazing Broad- 
 way. The sweetest peach in the orchard of 
 joy. The fairest blossom in Cupid's garden. 
 The" 
 
 "It's a fine description," interrupted Wal- 
 lingford. "I'd be able to pick her out any 
 place from it; but what was her name before 
 she shortened it?" 
 
 "You want to know too quick," complained 
 Blackie. "You ought to have waited till I ex- 
 plained something more about her; but you 
 always were an impatient cuss, and I '11 tell you. 
 Her name was and is, upon the bill-boards and 
 in the barber-shop windows, Violet Bonnie, 
 whose exquisite voice and perfect figure " 
 
 "Is sine divorced again?" once more inter- 
 rupted Wallingf ord. 
 
 "Last week," answered Blackie with no 
 abatement of his enthusiasm, "and Happy 
 Horace happened to be on the spot. I was in- 
 troduced to her over at Shirley's the night she 
 was celebrating the granting of her decree, and 
 I had so much money with me it made my 
 clothes look lumpy. She took an awful shine 
 to that bank roll ; not so much the diameter of 
 
 17Wollineford 257
 
 GET-RICH-QUIGK 
 
 it but the way I rolled it. It never rested, and 
 by two in the morning she had transferred 
 her affections from the swiftly flowing mezuma 
 to me. At four o'clock G. M. we waded out 
 from among the ocean of empties and, attended 
 by a party so happy they didn 't care whether it 
 was day before yesterday or day after to-mor- 
 row, we took passage in seaworthy taximeters 
 and floated to the Little Church Around the 
 Corner, where the bright and shining arc light 
 of musical comedy became Mrs. Violet Bonnie 
 Daw. It was a case of love at first sight." 
 
 "For how long have you secured a lease?" 
 inquired Wallingford. 
 
 "I don't know," replied Blackie reflectively. 
 "She was married the first time for three 
 years, the second for two and the third for 
 one. According to those figures Number Four 
 would have a right to look forward to about 
 six months of married bliss." 
 
 "I never was drunk for six months at a 
 time in my life," reflected Wallingford, "but 
 I can see how it could happen. When it's all 
 over, come around to me and I'll lead you to 
 a sanitarium. In the meantime, when am I to 
 have a chance to congratulate the lady?" 
 
 "Right away. She is now awaiting yours 
 truly with quite yearning yearns. You know, 
 
 258
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 J. Rufus, your urgent telegram interrupted 
 the howlingest honeymoon that ever turned the 
 main stem into the Great Purple Way. Here's 
 the address. Come over as soon as you have 
 held up the United people, and interrupt us. 
 If you don't find us at home, just go charter 
 a car and roll up and down the avenue until 
 you see the speediest automobile cab outdoors. 
 Chase that, because it's us." 
 
 When he called at two o'clock on the follow- 
 ing afternoon, however, after having seen Mr. 
 Priestly to their mutual satisfaction, he found 
 them at home just preparing for breakfast, and 
 blinking at the gray world through the mists 
 of a champagne headache. He found Violet 
 Bonnie Daw, seen thus intimately, to be an ex- 
 tremely blond person with a slight tendency 
 toward embonpoint, but her eyes were very 
 blue, and her complexion, even without a 
 make-up, very clear, able even to dominate her 
 charming morning gown of a golden shade that 
 exactly matched her hair. True, if one looked 
 closely there were already traces of coming 
 crow's-feet about the eyes, but one must not 
 look closely; and her very real cordiality made 
 amends for any such slight drawbacks. 
 
 11 So you're my husband's old pal!" she ex- 
 claimed as she shook hands with him warmly. 
 
 259
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 Then she surveyed him from head to foot with 
 an expert appraisement. "You look like a 
 good sport all right," she concluded. "Blackie 
 tells me you just cleaned up a tidy wad of pin 
 money out West, and that you could give Pitts- 
 burgh's Best cards and spades on how to spend 
 it. And Blackie's no slouch himself," she 
 rattled on. "My, you ought to have been with 
 us last night." 
 
 Blackie grinned dolefully. 
 
 "We left a string of long-necked bottles 
 from the Cafe Boulevard to Churchill's," he 
 stated somberly, but still with quite justifiable 
 pride, "and when we rolled home this morning 
 even the bankers were coming to work." 
 
 "It was something fierce," smiled his wife 
 reminiscently, "but I guess we had a good 
 time. Anyhow, it was so hilarious that we 
 can't tell this morning what to take for a 
 pick-me-up." 
 
 "That's where I won my first gold medals," 
 boasted Wallingford, chuckling. "What sort 
 of a bar outfit have you?" 
 
 "Everything from plain poison to prussic 
 acid," Blackie informed him. "The preceding 
 husband of Mrs. Daw was a swell provider. ' ' 
 
 "You bet he was," agreed Mrs. Daw as she 
 led the way to the dining room and threw open 
 
 260
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 the cupboard of the sideboard. "Harry was a 
 good sport all right, but his stomach gave out." 
 
 The sideboard, given over in most apart- 
 ments to 'cut glass and other ordinary dining- 
 room adornments, was in this case stocked 
 with fancy bottles of all shapes and colors and 
 sizes, and in the lower part of it was ice. 
 
 "Pardon the bartender, mum," observed J. 
 Bufus, his eyes lighting up with the dawning 
 of creative skill as he removed his coat. 
 
 Mrs. Daw watched him musingly through 
 the open door of the dining room as he 
 worked deftly among those bottles and utensils. 
 
 "He's a good sport all right," she confided 
 to her present husband, and she was still more 
 of that opinion when Wallingford served three 
 tall, thin glasses with sugared edges, crowned 
 with cracked ice and filled with a golden green- 
 ish liquid from which projected two straws. 
 One sip and a sigh of satisfaction from both 
 Mr. and Mrs. Daw, and then they drained the 
 glasses. 
 
 "Our hero!" declaimed Mrs. Daw, looking 
 up at him in gratitude. "You have saved our 
 lives. Which will you have, Mr. Wallingford, 
 breakfast or lunch!" 
 
 By evening she was calling him Jimmie, and 
 any trifle of disapproving impression that Wal- 
 
 261
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 lingford had at first harbored was gone. As 
 Blackie claimed, she was born to adorn the 
 night and became more beautiful as dusk fell. 
 Perhaps clothes and consummate art in toilet 
 had something to do with this, but before the 
 three had parted in the morning, Wallingford 
 had decided to introduce his wife after all, a 
 matter about which he had been in consider- 
 able doubt. Now, however, he was convinced 
 that the lady was thoroughly respectable. No 
 breath of scandal had ever attached itself to 
 her name. She was always off with the old 
 love before she was on with the new, and 
 could hold up her head in any society! 
 
 Mrs. Wallingford came to town the next day, 
 and at no time did she share the enthusiasm 
 of these two men for the incomparable Mrs. 
 Daw. There was a striking contrast between 
 the women, and even their beauty was not only 
 of a strikingly different kind but of a strik- 
 ingly different nature. Mrs. Daw was a flam- 
 ing poinsettia, Mrs. Wallingford a rose, and 
 the twain were as antagonistic as were their 
 hues of cheek. Mrs. Daw, however, was more 
 at ease, for she was in her natural environ- 
 ment, the niche to which her nature had fash- 
 ioned her and of which she had made delib- 
 erate choice; but Mrs. Wallingford, in spite 
 
 262
 
 N 
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 of her surroundings, had much in her though 
 she did not recognize it of the quantities that 
 would go to make up a Lady Godiva. Her 
 proper sphere, one of calm, pure domesticity, 
 she had never known, though she had vaguely 
 yearned for it; but she was adaptable, and, 
 particularly throughout her married life, she 
 had been thrown with all sorts and conditions 
 of chance nomads such as her husband was 
 likely to pick up; so she accepted Mrs. Daw 
 as a matter of course and got on with her 
 without friction. Nevertheless, her face fell a 
 trifle when her husband joyously announced 
 one afternoon that he had just thought up a 
 great stunt a honeymoon party for the Daws. 
 He had acted the moment the suggestion had 
 come to him. He had already chartered a 
 private car and had given orders to have it 
 stocked with the very best of everything. He 
 had telephoned the Daws. Mrs. Daw had 
 only the day before signed a contract with a 
 leading dramatic producer, but what was a 
 contract? 
 
 The next day, in all the luxury that car 
 builders and fitters had yet been able to de- 
 vise, they started upon a hilarious tour across 
 the continent; but so far as their mode of life 
 and amusement was concerned they might just 
 
 63
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 as well have stayed on Broadway, for their 
 nights were spent in drinking, their mornings 
 in sleep and their afternoons in sobering up, 
 though in all this Mrs. Wallingford held her- 
 self as much reserved and aloof as she could 
 without spoiling the content of the others. 
 They were merely moving a section of the 
 rapid hotel life of New York across the 
 country with them, and the only things which 
 made their hours seem different were the con- 
 stantly changing scenic environment and the 
 sensation of speed. So long as they were mov- 
 ing swiftly they were satisfied, but a slow rate 
 brought forth howls of discontent. It was on 
 a small connecting line in the middle west 
 that this annoyance reached its climax, and 
 after an hour of exceptionally slow travel Wal- 
 lingford sent for the conductor and put in a 
 vigorous protest. Yes, there was a faster 
 train on that road. Then why hadn't they 
 been attached to that fast train? The conduc- 
 tor did not know. It was orders. 
 
 "You go get different orders!" demanded 
 Wallingford, and for another hour he made 
 life a burden to that official. 
 
 Goaded to desperation, wiring at every stop, 
 the conductor finally, with a sigh of relief, saw 
 the polished private car "Theodore" shunted 
 
 264
 
 off on the siding at Battlesburg and left be- 
 hind. 
 
 To the quartette of riotous travelers Bat- 
 tlesburg was only an uninteresting detail of 
 their trip, which had intruded itself unbidden 
 upon their sight; but to Battlesburg the ar- 
 rival of a private car with real people in it 
 was an epoch. Why, it might be the President ! 
 Long-legged Billy Ricks, standing idly upon 
 the platform because the dragging hours passed 
 by there as well as anywhere else, did not even 
 wait to take a good look at it, but loped up the 
 one long street, so fired with enthusiasm that 
 he scarcely wobbled as his bony knees switched 
 past each other in their faded blue overalls. 
 He did not bother with people near the depot 
 they would find out soon enough; but at the 
 little frame office of "Judge" Lampton, Jus- 
 tice of the Peace, Notary Public and Real 
 Estate Dealer, he bobbed his head in for a 
 moment. 
 
 "Private car on the sidin'!" he bawled. 
 "Name's 'Theodore'!" and he was gone. 
 
 Judge Lampton, smoking a long, ragged 
 stogie, jerked his feet down from among the 
 dust-covered litter of ages upon his combina- 
 tion bookcase-desk. Doc Gunther, veterinary 
 surgeon and proprietor of the livery stable 
 
 265
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 across the way, lifted his head forward from 
 against the dark-brown spot it had made dur- 
 ing the past years upon the map of Battles- 
 burg, where it hung upon the wall, and vigor- 
 ously took a fresh chew of tobacco. Then the 
 two friends, without exchanging one word, 
 stalked solemnly out of the office and toward 
 the depot. In the meantime Billy Kicks had 
 paused to hurl his startling information in at 
 the door of Joe Warren's cigar store, of Ben 
 Kirby's cash grocery, of Tom Handy 's Bed 
 Front saloon, of the Dogget Brothers' furni- 
 ture and undertaking establishment, of the 
 Barret & Lucas dry goods and notion store, and 
 of every other place of business on that side 
 of the street, including the Palace Hotel, until 
 he came to Gus Newton's drug store and con- 
 fectionery, where the real dyed-in-the-wool 
 sports of the town shot dice and played penny- 
 ante in a little back room. Here he met a 
 round half dozen of these high-spirited youths 
 piling out upon the street with their eyes 
 depot-ward. 
 
 ''Private car on the sidin'!" Billy shouted 
 to them. "Name's 'Theodore'!" 
 
 "Uh-huh," agreed Gus Newton, "I ordered 
 it. It's late," and, shouting back further ready 
 mendacity, his crowd hurried on. 
 
 266
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Jnst in front of the Battles County Bank, 
 Billy met Clint Richards, owner and city editor 
 of the Battlesburg Blade. Clint was also re- 
 porter, exchange and society editor and ad- 
 vertising solicitor of the Blade, and, as be- 
 came a literary man, he wore his hair rather 
 long. He was in a hurry, and had his broad- 
 brimmed black felt hat pulled down deter- 
 minedly upon his head. 
 
 "Private car " began Billy Ricks. 
 
 "Yes," interrupted Clint, "I know about 
 it. Thank you," and his coat tails fluttered 
 behind him. 
 
 Billy stopped in dejection. The street which, 
 when he started, had been so lazy and de- 
 serted, was now alive. People were pouring 
 from all the places of business beyond him 
 and hurrying toward him. Back of him they 
 were all hurrying away from him. He had 
 been outstripped by the telephone, and un- 
 grateful Battlesburg would fail to connect him 
 with the sensation in any way. Well, he might 
 as well go down to the depot himself, and he 
 turned in that direction; but now his feet 
 shuffled. 
 
 At the siding, the denizens of Battlesburg 
 men, women, children and dogs were packed 
 four deep around the glistening, rolling palace 
 
 267
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 Cl Theodore." Agitated groups of two and 
 three and four, scattered from the depot plat- 
 form to the siding, were discussing the occur- 
 rence excitedly, and Dave Walker, the station 
 agent, turned suddenly crisp and brusque with 
 importance, was refusing explanations and 
 then relenting in neighborly confidence with 
 each group in turn. Clint Richards, pale but 
 calm and confident, bustled through the quiver- 
 ing throng, and they all but set up a cheer as 
 they recognized the official and only authorized 
 asker of important questions. The vestibule 
 being open, he pulled himself up the steps and 
 tried the door. It was locked. 
 
 "Push the button, Clint," advised Gus New- 
 ton, who knew a thing or two, you bet! and 
 Clint, with a smile and a nod in his direction, 
 for Gus was an advertiser, rang the bell. 
 
 A brisk and clean-looking young negro in a 
 white apron and jacket came to the door and 
 Clint handed in his card. The porter disap- 
 peared. A moment later the news gatherer 
 was admitted. A sigh of relief went up from 
 the waiting crowd, and they swayed in unison 
 from side to side as they stood on tiptoe and 
 craned their necks to see farther in through 
 those broad windows. 
 
 Through the wicker-furnitured observation 
 
 268
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 library the porter led the way into a rich com- 
 partment the full width of the car, where at 
 luncheon sat the honeymoon quartette, rich in 
 gay apparel and brave in sparkling adorn- 
 ment. They had evidently just sat down, for 
 an untouched cocktail stood at each place. 
 The extremely large and impressive Mr. Wal- 
 lingford, the breadth of whose white waist- 
 coat alone proclaimed him as a man of affairs, 
 arose to greet the representative of the Bat- 
 tlesburg Blade with great cordiality. 
 
 "The members of the progressive press are 
 always welcome," he announced, clasping Mr. 
 Richards' hand in a vast, plump palm, and ex- 
 uding democratic good will from every square 
 inch of his surface. "We're just going to 
 have a bit of luncheon. Join us." 
 
 "I wouldn't think of intruding," hesitated 
 Mr. Eichards, his eyes leaping with an appre- 
 ciation of the rare opportunity and his brain 
 already busy framing phrases like "priceless 
 viands," "toothsome delicacies," "epicurean 
 luxuries. ' ' 
 
 "Nonsense!" insisted Wallingford heartily, 
 and introduced his visitor with much pompous 
 ceremony to Mr. Horace G. Daw, mine dealer 
 and investment specialist; to Mrs. Violet Daw, 
 formerly Violet Bonnie, the famous comic- 
 
 269
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 opera queen, but now the happy bride of a 
 month; to Mrs. Fanny Wallingf ord ; to him- 
 self as a recently retired manufacturer and 
 capitalist; then he placed Mr. Eichards in a 
 chair with a cocktail in front of him. 
 
 Mr. Richards was naturally overwhelmed at 
 this close contact with two of America's lead- 
 ing millionaires, and he agreed with his host 
 that the P. D. S. Eailroad was positively the 
 worst-conducted streak of corrugated rust in 
 the entire United States. He was even more 
 indignant than the travelers that, after having 
 been promised a through train, they had been 
 hitched to the local egg accommodation, and 
 was even more satisfied than they that Mr. 
 Wallingford had given the chills and ague to 
 the entire transportation system of the P. D. 
 S. until their car had finally been dropped off 
 here to wait for the 3.45, which was a through 
 train and the one which should have carried 
 them in the first place. Why, Wallingford 
 ought to buy the P. D. S., plow up the right 
 of way and sow it in pumpkins! 
 
 "Sir," declared Mr. Eichards, "the P. D. 
 S. is a disgrace to the science of railroading! 
 Why, its through trains stop only on signal at 
 this thriving manufacturing center of four 
 thousand souls. From your car windows here 
 
 270
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 you may see the smoke belching forth from 
 the chimneys of the Battlesburg Wagon Works, 
 of the G. W. Battles Plow Factory, of the 
 Battles & Handy Sash, Door and Blind Com- 
 pany, of the Battles & Son Canning Company, 
 of the Battles & Battles Pure Food Creamery 
 and Cheese Concern; and yet the only two 
 through trains of the * Pretty Darn Slow Rail- 
 road, ' as we call it here, clink right on through ! 
 The Honorable G. W. Battles himself has taken 
 up this matter and can do nothing, and when 
 he can do nothing " 
 
 The utter hopelessness of a situation for 
 which the Honorable G. W, Battles himself 
 could do nothing was so far beyond mere words 
 that Mr. Richards turned from the subject in 
 dejection and inquired about the financial sit- 
 uation back East. He found out all about it, 
 and more. Mr. Daw and Mr. Wallingford, 
 their faculty of invention springing instantly 
 to the opportunity, helped him to fill his note- 
 book to the brim, and turned him loose at last 
 with one final glowing fabrication about the 
 priceless sparkling Burgundy which was 
 served during the seven courses of the little 
 midday morsel. Adorned with a big cigar, 
 from which he did not remove the gold band, 
 Mr. Richards hastened from the car, and to 
 
 271
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 the pressing throng outside he observed, from 
 the midst of an air of easy familiarity with the 
 great ones of earth: 
 
 "That's Colonel Wallingford, the famous 
 Eastern millionaire, and he's a prince! You 
 certainly want to see the Blade to-night," and 
 he hurried away to put his splendid sensation 
 into type.
 
 CHAPTEE XIX 
 
 MB. WALLINGFORD WINS THE TOWN OP BATTLES- 
 BUBG BY THE TOSS OF A COIN 
 
 44 X*"^\OLONEL" Wallingford looked at 
 
 m i 
 
 I his watch. 
 
 l^j "Two hours yet!" he exclaimed 
 with a yawn. "Two solid hours 
 in a yap town that's not on the map. What 
 shall we do with the time? Play cards?" 
 
 "What's the use?" demanded "Blackie" 
 Daw. "If I'd win your money you'd choke 
 me till I gave it back, and if you won mine 
 I'd have you pinched." 
 
 "Let's get off then and look at the burg," 
 suggested J. Eufus. 
 
 It was Mr. Daw's turn to yawn. He looked 
 out on one side of the manufacturing portion 
 of Battlesburg, and on the other side at the 
 mercantile and residence portion. 
 
 "I think I can see all I want to remember 
 of it from here," he objected; "but anything 's 
 better than nothing. Shall we go, Vi?" 
 
 "That's us," replied the vivacious bride, who 
 was already beginning to respond to all Mr. 
 
 273
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 Wallingford 's suggestions with more alacrity 
 than either Mrs. Wallingford or Mr. Daw quite 
 approved. "Let's, go wake 'em up, Jimmy. 
 King for a carriage.'" 
 
 The invaluable porter was already exchang- 
 ing his white coat and apron for his dark-blue 
 coat and derby, and, in another moment, that 
 dusky autocrat, his face calm with the calm- 
 ness of them who dwell near to much money, 
 had asked the crowd outside the way to a 
 livery stable. 
 
 Billy Eicks projected himself instantly 
 through the assemblage. "Ill show you," he 
 said eagerly. 
 
 The autocrat surveyed Billy Eicks briefly 
 and gauged him accurately. 
 
 "Suppose you go get the best two-horse car- 
 riage, to seat four, that you can find in town," 
 and in ^Billy's palm he pressed a half dollar. 
 
 The excitement grew intense! The million- 
 aires were positively to appear! Doc Gun- 
 ther's best "rig," his rubber-tired one, came 
 rolling down Main Street, turned, and drew 
 up near the car. The porter, now wearing 
 his official cap, jumped down with his step- 
 ping box. Ah-h-h! Here they came! First 
 emerged huge, sleek Mr. Wallingford, looking 
 more like a million cleverly won dollars than 
 
 274
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 the money itself. Mr. Daw stepped down upon 
 the gravel, tall and slender, clad in glove-fit- 
 ting "Prince Albert," his black mustache 
 curled tightly, his black eyes glittering. De- 
 scended the beautiful, brown-haired Mrs. Wal- 
 lingford, brave in dark-green broadcloth. De- 
 scended the golden-haired Mrs. Daw, stunning 
 in violet from hat to silken hose. Perfectly 
 satisfactory, all of them; perfectly adapted to 
 fill the ideal of what a quartette of genuine 
 nabobs should look like! Under the skillful 
 guidance of Mr. Wallingford they pranced up 
 Main Street, of fully as much interest and im- 
 portance as any circus parade that had ever 
 wended its way along that thoroughfare. 
 
 The town of Battlesburg, converting a level, 
 dusty country road into "Main Street" for a 
 space, lay across the railroad like a huge 
 tennis racquet, its hand grip being the manu- 
 facturing district, its handle the business 
 quarter, its net the residence section; and here 
 were the first cross streets, little, short byways, 
 the longest of them ten or twelve blocks in 
 extent, and all ending against the fences of 
 level fields. As they rode through the town, 
 however, its pavements stirred to unusual live- 
 liness by the great event, the impression that 
 here was a place of merely sleeping money 
 
 275
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 grew and grew upon J. Rufus Wallingford and 
 appealed to his professional instincts. 
 
 "Some town, this," he concluded, turning to 
 Mr. Daw. "They have rusty wealth here, and, 
 if somebody will only give it a start, it will 
 circulate till it gets all bright and shiny again. 
 Then you can see by the flash where it is and 
 nab it." 
 
 "Heads or tails to see who gets it," sug- 
 gested Mr. Daw, and drew a dollar from his 
 pocket. 
 
 "Heads!" called Mr. Wallingford, pull- 
 ing on the reins, and just in front of the 
 Baptist Church the fate of Battlesburg was 
 decided. 
 
 Mr. Daw flipped the coin in the air over 
 Mrs. Wallingford 's lap. Upon the green 
 broadcloth the bright silver piece came down 
 with a spat, and the Goddess of Liberty faced 
 upward to the sky. 
 
 "I win the place!" exulted J. Rufus as they 
 rolled on out past the cemetery and toward 
 Battles* Grove. "I don't know just yet how 
 I'll milk it, but the milk is here." 
 
 "You wouldn't honestly come back to this 
 graveyard, would you?" inquired Mrs. Daw. 
 "Why, you'd die." 
 
 " If I did, I 'd die with money in both hands, ' ' 
 
 276
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 responded Wallingford. "I can smell money, 
 and I don't think there's a pantry shelf in 
 this town without some spare coin tucked away 
 in the little old cracked blue teapot. All you 
 have to do is to play the right music, and all 
 that coin will dance right out. I shouldn't he 
 surprised that I'd come back here and toot a 
 tune. ' ' 
 
 "There's no danger just yet a while,'' 
 laughed Mrs. Wallingford. "You have too 
 much wealth. In spite of this trip I never 
 saw you get rid of money so slowly. " 
 
 "He's a good enough spender for me," stated 
 Mrs. Daw, with a sidelong glance at him from 
 her round blue eyes. "He's a good sport, all 
 right." 
 
 "I rather like this town, Jim," interposed 
 Mrs. Wallingford quickly, catching that glance. 
 "Let's do come back here and start up a busi- 
 ness of some sort." 
 
 "I'm glad I lost," declared Mr. Daw vehe- 
 mently. "It's too far away from a push 
 button." 
 
 He also had seen that glance. It was noth- 
 ing to which he could object, of course, but 
 he did not like it. A damper had somehow 
 been put upon the spirits of the party, and, 
 after they had driven far out of sight of the 
 
 277
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 town, Mrs. Wallingford suggested that they 
 had better turn back. 
 
 "I don't know," said her husband, looking 
 at his watch. "We have nearly an hour and 
 a half yet, and we can easily make it from 
 here in half an hour." 
 
 "But what a long, long ways we are from 
 a drink, if we wanted one," objected Mrs. 
 Daw. "Just think of all that fizzy red wine 
 in the ice box." 
 
 "You're a smart woman," declared J. 
 Rufus with laughing enthusiasm, "and you 
 win! Back we go." 
 
 They had scarcely proceeded a mile upon 
 the return trip, however, when a shrill whistle 
 screamed behind them. They turned, and there 
 across the fields they saw a passenger train 
 whizzing along at tremendous speed. The 
 same thought came to them instantly. 
 
 "I thought there wasn't another train in 
 that direction until 3.45," exclaimed Mr. Daw, 
 "and now it is only 2.40!" 
 
 The team was abruptly stopped, and both 
 men gazed accusingly at their watches. Sud- 
 denly Wallingford swore and whipped up the 
 horses. 
 
 "We've Western time!" he called over his 
 shoulder. 
 
 278
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 The explanation, though depressing, was 
 correct. They had thought that they were 
 over the line in the morning, and had set their 
 watches ahead. When they discovered their 
 error they had let it stand and had forgotten 
 about it. They made the trip back to Battles- 
 burg at record speed, and just beyond the 
 cemetery they met Billy Ricks, in the middle 
 of the road. He had been running. 
 
 "Number Two's jus' been through, an' it 
 took away your private car!" gasped Billy. 
 
 Mr. Wallingford, gazing straight ahead, 
 made no intelligible answer, but he was mut- 
 tering under his breath. 
 
 "Your colored gentleman tried to stop 'em," 
 Billy went on with enthusiasm, delighted to be 
 the bearer of good or ill tidings so long as it 
 was startling, "but the conductor cussed an' 
 said he had orders to stop here and take on 
 private car 'Theodore,' an' he was goin' to 
 do it. Number Two didn't even stop at the 
 depot. It jus' backed on to the sidin' an' 
 took your private car an' whizzed out, an' 
 the conductor stood on the back platform 
 damnin' Dave Walker till he was plumb out o' 
 hearin'!" 
 
 Mrs. Wallingford smiled. Mr. Daw chuckled. 
 Mrs. Daw laughed hilariously. 
 
 279
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "Ain't that the limit!" she demanded. 
 "Let's all be happy!" 
 
 "I jus' thought I'd come on out and tell 
 you, 'cause you might want to know," went 
 on Billy expectantly. 
 
 For the first time Mr. Wallingford looked 
 at him, and the next minute his hand went in 
 his pocket. Billy Eicks drew a long breath. 
 Two half dollars for officious errands in one 
 day was a life record, and he trotted behind 
 that carriage all the way to the depot, where 
 Mr. Wallingford, with the aid of Dave Walker, 
 immediately began to "burn up the wires." 
 It seemed that the management of the P. D. S. 
 positively refused to haul the "Theodore" 
 back to Battlesburg. It was not their fault 
 that the passengers had not been aboard at 
 the time they were warned Number Two would 
 stop for them. They would hold the car at the 
 end of that division, and instruct their agent 
 at Battlesburg to issue transportation to the 
 four on the next west bound train; and that 
 was all they would do! 
 
 The only west bound train that night was a 
 local freight; the only west bound train in the 
 morning was the accommodation which had 
 brought them to Battlesburg; then came Num- 
 ber Two, the next afternoon. They drove 
 
 280
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 straight to the Palace Hotel and met the only 
 man in Battlesburg who was not impressed by 
 the high honor that a lucky accident had be- 
 stowed upon the city and upon his hostelry. 
 Suspicion, engendered by thirty years of con- 
 tact with a traveling public which had invari- 
 ably either insulted his accommodations or 
 tried to cheat him and sometimes both had 
 soured the disposition of the proprietor of the 
 Palace and cramped his soul until his very 
 beard had crinkled. Suspicion gleamed from 
 his puckered eyes, it was chiseled in the 
 wrinkles about his nose, it rasped in his voice ; 
 and the first and only thing he noted about 
 Mr. J. Rufus Wallingford and his splendid 
 company was that they had no luggage! 
 Whereupon, even before the multi-millionaire 
 had finished inscribing the quartette of names 
 upon his register, he had demanded cash in 
 advance. 
 
 Judge Lampton, who had edged up close to 
 the register, was shocked by this crass de- 
 mand, and expected to see the retired capital- 
 ist give Pete Parsons the dressing down of 
 his life. Instead, however, Mr. J. Eufus Wal- 
 lingford calmly abstracted, from a pocket- 
 book bulging with such trifles, a hundred-dol- 
 lar bill which he tossed upon the desk, and 
 
 281
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 went on writing. As impassive as Fate, Pete 
 Parsons turned to his safe, slowly worked the 
 combination, and still more slowly started to 
 make change. In this operation he suddenly 
 paused. 
 
 " Billy," said he to the ever-present Eicks, 
 "run over to the bank with this hundred-dol- 
 lar bill and see if Battles '11 change it." 
 
 For just one instant the small eyes of Wal- 
 lingford narrowed threateningly, and then he 
 smiled again. 
 
 "Show us to our rooms," he ordered. 
 "Send up the change when it comes." 
 
 He laid down the pen, but his hand had 
 scarcely left the surface of the book when it 
 was clutched by that of Judge Lampton. 
 
 "In the name of the judiciary and of the 
 enterprising citizens of this place, I welcome 
 you to Battlesburg, " he announced. 
 
 Mr. Wallingford, "always on the job" to 
 use the expressive parlance of his friend Mr. 
 Daw drew himself up and radiated. 
 
 "Thank you,'" he returned. "I have al- 
 ready inspected your beautiful little city with 
 much pleasure, and all that you need to make 
 this a live town is a good hotel." 
 
 The Judge shot at Pete Parsons a triumphant 
 grin. Ever since Mr. Lampton had been de- 
 
 282
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 nied credit beyond the amount of two dollars 
 at the Palace Hotel bar, himself and Mr. Par- 
 sons had been "on the outs." 
 
 "Let me show you the very piece of prop- 
 erty to build it on," he eagerly returned. 
 
 Only for a moment Wallingford considered. 
 
 "I'll look at it to-morrow morning," he 
 said. 
 
 "I shall have the facts and figures ready for 
 you, sir," and Judge Lampton swaggered out 
 of the Palace Hotel on a bee-line for a little 
 publicity. 
 
 It was scarcely half an hour later when Clint 
 Eichards called at Wallingford 's room with 
 four copies of the Battlesburg Blade. 
 
 "I brought these up myself, Mr. Walling- 
 ford," he explained, "to show you that Bat- 
 tlesburg is not without its enterprise. Twice 
 this afternoon the Blade was made over after 
 it was on the press ; once when the P. D. S. 
 stole your private car stole, sir, is the word 
 and again upon Judge Lampton 's report of 
 his important conversation with you. If you 
 should decide to invest some of your surplus 
 capital in Battlesburg, I am sure that you will 
 find her progressive citizens working hand in 
 hand with you to make that investment profit- 
 able." 
 
 283
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 The Battlesburg Blade consisted of four 
 pages, and the first one of these was devoted 
 entirely to that eminent financier, Mr. J. Eufus 
 Wallingford. 
 
 was the heading which, in huge, black type, 
 ran entirely across the top of the page just 
 beneath the date line. Beneath this was a 
 smaller black streamer, informing the public 
 that these millions were represented in the 
 persons of those eminent captains of industry, 
 Mr. J. Rufus Wallingford and Mr. Horace G. 
 Daw. Beneath this, in the center four col- 
 umns of the six-column page, was another 
 large type headline : 
 
 ROBBED OF THEIR PRIVATE CAR " THEO- 
 DORE" BY THE BUNGLING P. D. S. 
 
 In the center two columns was this boxed-in, 
 large type announcement: 
 
 LATER ! 
 
 It is rumored upon good authority that these 
 wide-awake millionaires may invest a portion of 
 their surplus capital in wide-awake Battlesburg. 
 Huge hotel projected I 
 
 284
 
 The article which filled the balance of the 
 page was an eloquent tribute to the yellow 
 genius of Mr. Richards. With flaming adjec- 
 tives and a generous use of exclamation points 
 it told of the marvelous richness of the private 
 car "Theodore," owned, of course, by the 
 gentlemen who were traveling in it; of the 
 truly unparalleled sumptuousness of the feast 
 that had been served by these charmingly 
 democratic gentlemen to the humble represent- 
 ative of the Blade; of the irresistible beauty 
 and refinement of their ladies ; of the triumphs 
 of Mr. J. Eufus Wallingford in the milk- 
 stopper business, the carpet tack industry, the 
 insurance field, the sales recorder trade, succes- 
 sive steps by which he had arisen to his pres- 
 ent proud eminence as one of the powers of 
 Wall Street; of Mr. Daw's tremendously suc- 
 cessful activity in gold mining, in rubber culti- 
 vation, in orange culture and in allied lines, 
 where deft and brilliant stock manipulations 
 had contributed to the wealth of the nation 
 and himself; of the clumsy and arrogant blun- 
 dering of the P. D. S. Railroad, which, until 
 this lucky accident, had always been a detri- 
 ment to the energetic city of Battlesburg. 
 
 It was easy to see by the reading of this 
 article that the P. D. S. R. R. did not advertise 
 
 285
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 in the Battlesburg Blade, and that it now issued 
 no passes to the press, and Mr. Richards took 
 occasion to point out, as he had so often be- 
 fore urged, that, if a traction line could only 
 be induced to parallel the P. D. S. and enter 
 Battlesburg, it would awaken that puerile rail- 
 road from its lifelong lethargy and infuse a 
 new current of life and activity into the entire 
 surrounding country, besides earning for itself 
 a handsome revenue. 
 
 It was this last clause which plunged Wal- 
 lingford into profound meditation. 
 
 "A traction line," he said musingly, by and 
 by. ''I'm a shine for overlooking that bet so 
 long, but .when we get through this voyage of 
 joy, just watch my trolleys buzz. I'm coming 
 back here and jar loose all the money that's 
 not too much crusted to jingle." 
 
 "But, Jim," protested Mrs. Wallingford 
 thoughtfully, "you couldn't build a traction 
 line with only a little over a hundred thousand 
 dollars ! ' ' 
 
 "How little you know of business, Fanny," 
 he rejoined, with a wink at Mr. Daw. "I can 
 tear up a street, level a small hill and buy two 
 tons of iron rails with one thousand, and have 
 the rest to marry to other money. Blackie, I'm 
 glad I won this town from you. I'd hate to 
 
 286
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 think of all the good coin hidden away under 
 the cellar stairways here being paid over for 
 your fine samples of four-color printing. They 
 don't need phoney gold mining stock in this 
 burg. What they need is something live and 
 progressive, like a traction line." 
 
 "I know," agreed Mr. Daw with a grin. 
 "You'll organize an air line and sell them the 
 air. ' ' 
 
 " Don't, Jim," protested Mrs. Wallingford. 
 "You're clever enough to make honest money, 
 and I know it. Other people do. A hundred 
 thousand is a splendid nest-egg. ' ' 
 
 "To be sure it is," assented Mr. Daw. 
 "Watch Jim set on it! If he don't hatch out a 
 whole lot of healthy little dollars from it I'll 
 grow hayseed whiskers and wear rubber boots 
 down Broadway." 
 
 There was another knock at the door. This 
 time it was Judge Lampton, and with him was 
 a nervous, wiry man, in black broadcloth and 
 wearing a vest of the same snowy whiteness as 
 his natty mustache. 
 
 "Mr. Wallingford," said Judge Lampton, 
 tingling with pride, "permit me to introduce 
 the Honorable G. W. Battles, president of the 
 Battles County Bank, of the Battlesburg 
 Wagon Works, of the G. W. Battles Plow Fac- 
 
 287
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 tory, of the Battles & Handy Sash, Door and 
 Blind Company, of the Battles & Son Canning 
 Company, of the Battles & Battles Pure Food 
 Creamery and Cheese Concern, and of the Bat- 
 tlesburg Chamber of Commerce." 
 
 As one seasoned financier to another these 
 two masters of commerce foregathered gravely 
 upon matters of investment and profit. The 
 Honorable G. W. Battles was a man who be- 
 lieved in his own enthusiasm and had com- 
 mand of many, many words, a gift which had 
 been enhanced by much public speechmaking, 
 and now, in a monologue that fairly scintillated 
 and coruscated, he laid before J. Rufus "Wal- 
 lingford the manifold advantages of investment 
 in the historic town that had been founded by 
 his historic grandfather. Before he was en- 
 tirely through all that he could, would or might 
 have said, there came another knock at the 
 door. Judge Lampton, who had retired imme- 
 diately upon introducing the Honorable G. W. 
 Battles, had returned, and with him was Max 
 Geldenstein, proprietor of the Bock Bottom 
 clothing stores, not only in Battlesburg, but also 
 in Paris, London, Dublin, Berlin and Rome, all 
 six cities being in or adjacent to Battles County. 
 He was also a director in the Battles County 
 Bank and in the Battles & Son Canning Com- 
 
 288
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 pany, a city councilman and a member of the 
 Chamber of Commerce. He, too, extended a 
 welcoming hand to the chance millionaire and 
 invited him most cordially to become one of 
 them. Came shortly after, in tow of the inde- 
 fatigable Judge Lampton, the Honorable 
 Timothy Battles, mayor of Battlesburg and 
 illustrious son of the Honorable G. W. Battles, 
 bearing with him the keys of the city. Came, 
 too, Lampton-led, Mr. Henry Quig, coal and ice 
 magnate, and the largest stockholder, except 
 the Honorable G. W. Battles, in the Battlesburg 
 Gas and Electric Light Plant; also a member 
 of the City Council and of the Chamber of 
 Commerce. 
 
 It became necessary to subsidize the dining 
 room after eight o'clock, and until far into the 
 night Mr. Wallingford and Mr. Daw enter- 
 tained the leading gentlemen of the city, who, 
 under the efficient marshalship of Judge Lamp- 
 ton, came to help the Judge sell a building lot 
 and to present their respects to these gentlemen 
 of boundless capital. What need is there to tell 
 how J. Rufus Wallingford, he of the broad 
 chest and the massive dignity, arose to the op- 
 portunity of presiding as informal host over 
 Battlesburg 's entire supply of twenty-one bot- 
 tles of champagne? Suffice it to say that, when 
 
 Z9W*aingford 299
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 the last callers had gone, he mopped his per- 
 spiring brow and turned to Blackie Daw with 
 a chuckle in which his entire body participated. 
 
 "They will do it, eh, Blackie?" he com- 
 mented. "Just come and beg to be skinned! 
 What will you give me for one side of Main 
 Street?" 
 
 "It would be a shame to split it," declared 
 Mr. Daw. "Keep it all, J. Rufus. I'm only 
 a piker. If I make ten thousand on a clean-up 
 I think I'm John W. Gates, and if I made more 
 I'd start mumbling and making funny signs. 
 I can't trot in your class." 
 
 But J. Rufus was in no humor for banter. 
 He looked at the array of empty bottles and 
 glasses upon the long dining-room table and 
 nodded his head in satisfaction. 
 
 "It's been a good night's work, Blackie," 
 he concluded, "and, when I come back here, 
 I'm going to jam a chestnut burr under the tail 
 of this one-horse town. To-morrow morning 
 I'm going to be an investor in Battlesburg real 
 estate, and the traction line idea must be kept 
 under cover for a while. Don't breathe a word 
 of it." 
 
 The next morning, in pursuance of this idea, 
 Mr. Wallingford went forth with Judge Lamp- 
 ton and looked at property. Between the 
 
 290
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Palace Hotel and the depot was an entire vacant" 
 block, used at present for mere grazing pur- 
 poses by Doc Gunther, and Mr. Wallingford 
 agreed that this would be an admirable site for 
 an up-to-date, six-story, pressed-brick hotel. 
 He even went so far as to sketch out his idea 
 of the two-story marble lobby a fountain in 
 the center balcony at the height of the first 
 floor ceiling arched orchestra bridge! On the 
 other side of the street, a little above the bank 
 and on a block occupied at present by a black- 
 smith shop and a prehistoric junk heap, he gave 
 a glowing word picture of the new Grand Opera 
 House that should be erected there. Farther 
 up the street was another cow pasture, over 
 which he thought deeply; but his thoughts he 
 carefully kept to himself, and both Clint Rich- 
 ards and Judge Lampton dreamed great, puz- 
 zling dreams by reason of that very silence. 
 Up in the residence district Mr. Wallingford 
 picked out three splendid lots, one of which he 
 did not hesitate to say would make an admi- 
 rable site for an up-to-date apartment house, 
 and one of the others he had not decided 
 which would make an admirable location for 
 a private residence. 
 
 He bought none of this property, but he took 
 ninety-day options on all seven pieces, paying 
 
 291
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 therefor from ten to fifty dollars upon each one, 
 and leaving in the town of Battlesburg, aside 
 from his hotel and livery bill and other ex- 
 penses, not less than two hundred and fifty 
 dollars of real money, each dollar of which 
 glowed with a promise of many more to come. 
 It is needless to say that the Battlesburg Blade 
 that evening did full honor to these wholesale 
 transactions. It took all of the first page and 
 part of the last to do that ; even the telegraphic 
 account of the absorbing and scandalous Estelle 
 Lightfoot murder romance, clipped from the 
 Chicago morning papers, had to be condensed 
 for that day to half-a-dozen lines. 
 
 292
 
 CHAPTER XX 
 
 BATTLESBUBG SMELLS MONET AND PLUNGES INTO 
 A MAD OBGIE OF SPECULATION 
 
 BILLY RICKS, shambling after dande- 
 lion greens, stepped out of the road 
 to let a great, olive-green touring car 
 go tearing by and bounce over the 
 railroad track. A second or so later he breath- 
 lessly dashed into the near-by office of the 
 wagon works and grabbed for the telephone. 
 
 "That millionaire that went through here in 
 his private car a couple o' weeks ago has 
 come back to town in his automobile," he told 
 Clint Richards. 
 
 "I know it," was the answer. "He's just 
 stopped in front of the Palace Hotel, ' ' and with 
 a sigh Billy Ricks hung up the telephone re- 
 ceiver, eying that instrument in huge disfavor. 
 
 In the mean time, Main Street, which had re- 
 lapsed into slumber for two weeks, was once 
 more wide awake. Hope and J. Rufus Walling- 
 ford had come back to town. There was no 
 avenue of trade that did not feel the quicken- 
 ing influence within an hour. Even his appear- 
 
 293
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 ance, as he stepped from the touring car, clad 
 richly to the last detail of the part, conveyed 
 a golden promise. Mrs. Wallingford, mostly 
 fluttering veil, was another promise, and even 
 the sedate G. W. Battles so far forgot his dig- 
 nity as to come across from the bank in his 
 bare head and shake hands with the great 
 magnate. Quick as he was, however, Judge 
 Lampton was there before him. His half of 
 the option money left behind by Mr. Walling- 
 ford had wrought a tremendous change in the 
 Judge, for now the beard that he had worn 
 straggling for so long was cut Vandyke and 
 kept carefully trimmed and instead of a stogie 
 he was smoking a cigar. 
 
 Warmed by their enthusiastic reception, the 
 Wallingfords amiably forgot the purely pri- 
 vate and personal quarrel between Mrs. Wal- 
 lingford and Mrs. Daw, which had disrupted 
 the happy quartette and nipped in the bud an 
 itinerary that had been planned through to San 
 Francisco, and they plunged into a new life with 
 great zest. For years J. Eufus had been con- 
 tent to make a few thousand dollars and spend 
 them, but his last haul of a hundred and fifty 
 thousand that he had received from the per- 
 fectly legitimate sale of another man's paten i^ 
 for which the inventor got nothing, had stnre< 
 
 294
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 in him the desire not merely to live like a multi- 
 millionaire, but to be one. As the first step in 
 his upward and onward progress he transferred 
 his hundred odd thousand dollars from an East- 
 ern depository to the Battles County Bank. 
 Next he took ninety-day options upon all the 
 unoccupied property in Battlesburg, including 
 several acres of ground beyond the Battles & 
 Battles Pure Food Creamery and Cheese Con- 
 cern. He was not so improvident as to pay 
 cash for these options, however; instead, he 
 gave ninety-day notes, writing across the face 
 of each one: "Not negotiable until after ma- 
 turity." The first of these notes Judge Lamp- 
 ton took to the Honorable G. W. Battles in- 
 quiringly. The autocrat of Battles County 
 merely smiled. 
 
 "I'll lend you face value on it, Tommy, any 
 time you want it," he observed; and that was 
 the last notch in establishing the local credit of 
 J. Rufus Wallingford, for Judge Lampton was 
 in his way as persistent a disseminator as Billy 
 Eicks himself. 
 
 But Battlesburg alone was not a large 
 enough field for Wallingford. Having tied up 
 about half the town, he left "for a little pleas- 
 ure jaunt;" but before he went away he 
 bought the Star Boarding House and gave 
 
 295
 
 GET-RICH-QTJICK 
 
 Judge Lampton carte blanche to fit up that 
 magnificent ten-room structure as a private 
 residence, according to certain general plans 
 and requirements laid down by the purchaser. 
 When Mr. and Mrs. Wallingford came back two 
 weeks later, that palatial dwelling was perfect 
 in all its arrangements and appointments, even 
 to the stocking of its cellars and the hiring of 
 Letty Kirby as cook and Bessie Walker as maid, 
 and of Billy Eicks as gardener and man-of-all- 
 work. The vast sensation that might have been 
 created by the hiring of three servants, and by 
 the other lusciously extravagant expenditures 
 faithfully chronicled in the daily issues of the 
 Battlesburg Blade, was, however, swallowed up 
 in a still greater sensation; for during the ab- 
 sence of the noted financier Mr. Wallingford 
 had become a vast throbbing mystery to the 
 town of his adoption. He had been gone only 
 two days, when, in the Blade, there appeared 
 the heading: 
 
 OUR MILLIONAIRE 
 
 Favors Paris with Crumbs of the Good Fortune Falling 
 from Battlesburg's Table 
 
 The article that followed was a clipping from 
 the Paris Times, and from this it seemed that 
 Colonel J. Rufus Wallingford, the famous 
 
 296
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 multi-millionaire, late of Boston and New York 
 but now of their neighbor and county seat, 
 Battlesburg, had been purchasing property 
 liberally along the main street of Paris, giving 
 in exchange his promissory notes for ninety 
 days, which notes, upon the telephonic advice 
 of the Honorable G. W. Battles, of Battlesburg, 
 were as good as gold. Similar reports were re- 
 printed later on from the London News, the 
 Dublin Banner, the Berlin Clarion, the Eome 
 Vindicator, and from the papers of other towns 
 still farther away. It was Clint Eichards who 
 became the Sherlock Holmes of Battlesburg and 
 found the solution to this mystery, being led 
 thereto by the fact that the only towns where 
 Mr. Wallingford was purchasing this property 
 were along the direct east and west highway, 
 which, running through Battlesburg, paral- 
 leled the P. D. S. Eailroad from Lewis ville to 
 Elliston. These two towns were not only the 
 terminals of the P. D. S. Eailroad, but were 
 also the respective outposts of the great Mid- 
 land Valley traction system and the vast Golden 
 West traction system. The conclusion was 
 obvious that either Colonel Wallingford in- 
 tended to finance a traction road connecting 
 those two great terminal points, or that he had 
 absolute knowledge that such a line was to be 
 
 297
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 built; and Colonel Walling ford had chosen 
 Battlesburg for his headquarters! 
 
 It was exhilarating to see how Battlesburg 
 arose to the vast possibilities of this conjecture. 
 Men who but a brief two weeks before had 
 slouched to their work in the morning as to a 
 mere daily grind, now stepped forward briskly 
 with smiles upon their faces and high courage 
 in their hearts. Every man who had a dollar 
 lying idle looked upon that dollar now not as 
 so much rusting metal, but as being a raft 
 which might float him high upon the. shore of 
 golden prosperity. Only Pete Parsons, of all 
 that town, croaked a note of discord. He 
 never for one moment forgot that J. Rufus 
 Wallingford, upon the day he first regis- 
 tered at the Palace Hotel, had no baggage 
 with him! 
 
 The return of Mr. Wallingford after the 
 Blade' 's revelation was the occasion of a tre- 
 mendous ovation. Clint Richards had fairly to 
 paw his way through the crowd that sur- 
 rounded him on the steps of the bank, where 
 he had stopped to draw a mere five hundred or 
 so for his pocket money; but, once inside the 
 closely packed circle, Clint pinned Colonel Wal- 
 lingford down to an admission of his plans. 
 Yes, the Lewisville, Battlesburg and Elliston 
 
 298
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Traction Line was a thing of the near future. 
 All that remained was to secure rights of way. 
 Battlesburg would, in all probability, be head- 
 quarters, and the L., B. & E. might even build 
 its car shops here if the citizens of Battlesburg 
 were willing to do their share. Mr. Richards 
 reached out impulsively to grasp the hand of 
 Colonel Wallingford, but it was already in pos- 
 session of Judge Lampton, who, thrilled with 
 emotion, guaranteed Colonel Wallingford that 
 the city of Battlesburg would not only be glad, 
 but would be proud, to perform her part in 
 this great work. He might have said more, 
 but that the Honorable G. W. Battles, who had 
 emerged upon the steps of the bank just above 
 and behind Colonel Wallingford, publicly 
 thanked that gentleman, on behalf of his fel- 
 low citizens, for this vast boon. Appreciating 
 the opportunity thus thrown upon his very 
 doorstep, Mr. Battles, by merely beginning to 
 speak, quickly packed the street to the opposite 
 curb with his admiring fellow townsmen, and 
 gave them a half hour of such eloquence as 
 only a Battles could summon upon the spur of 
 the moment; and Colonel Wallingford, looming 
 beside him as big and as impressive as the 
 Panama bond issue, looked his part, every 
 inch! 
 
 299
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 No open-air political meeting, no Fourth of 
 July speechmaking, no dedication or grand 
 opening had ever given rise to such tumultuous 
 fervor as this. There were cheers and tigers 
 galore for Colonel Wallingford, for the Honor- 
 able G. W. Battles, for Judge Lampton, for the 
 Battlesburg Blade, for the L., B. & E. Traction 
 line, for the city of Battlesburg, for everything 
 and everybody, until the ecstatic throng was 
 too hoarse to cheer any more; and then, at 
 Colonel Wallingford 's cordial solicitation, the 
 entire town moved down to the mansion which, 
 by the magic of his money, this great bene- 
 factor had built within and without the shell 
 of the one-time Star Boarding House. They 
 filled his yard, they trampled his grass, they in- 
 vaded the newly carpeted house, and the male 
 portion of them passed in earnest review before 
 his sideboard. Cakes and sandwiches were on 
 the way in hot haste from Andy Wolf's bake- 
 shop, boxes of cigars stood open upon the 
 porch, ice cream appeared for the ladies. Sud- 
 denly there arose sweet strains of music upon 
 the air, and down the street at a quick march, 
 accompanied by happy Billy Eicks, came the 
 Battlesburg brass band. Never before was 
 Battlesburg so spontaneously aroused. Amid 
 that happy throng, Colonel Wallingford, 
 
 300
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 laughing from the sheer joy of feeding people 
 into allegiance, moved like a prince in the 
 midst of his devoted subjects; and while he 
 smilingly accepted their homage, came copies 
 of the Battlesburg Blade, wet from the press, 
 an extra special edition. Great piles of these 
 were kept replenished upon the porch through- 
 out the evening, so that every inhabitant of 
 the city of promise should know all the golden 
 future that lay before him and learn to sub- 
 scribe. Battlesburg was at last to become the 
 New Metropolis of the West; her citizens were 
 to be in the very vortex of a vast whirlpool 
 of wealth, and not one of them but should wax 
 rich. From the East and from the West, from 
 villages and farms, trade would rush in an 
 endless stream aboard the trolley cars of the 
 L., B. & E. traction line; Main Street of Bat- 
 tlesburg should become a Mecca where count- 
 less pilgrims would leave their stream of 
 bright and shining dollars; as business in- 
 creased, property values would rise; with the 
 first singing of the trolleys a hundred-dollar 
 lot would be worth a thousand. And all this 
 through the advent of that master magician of 
 the modern commercial world, Colonel J. Eufus 
 Wallingford! 
 Marked copies of that issue of the Blade 
 
 301
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 were sent to Paris, to London, to Dublin, to 
 Berlin, to Rome and to all the other towns be- 
 tween Lewisville and Elliston, and all the 
 papers on the route of the proposed new trac- 
 tion line caught up the information eagerly. 
 Within three days a boom had leaped along 
 every foot of what had been before but a lazy, 
 dusty hundred miles of country road. It was 
 a magnificent effect. Even Mrs. Wallingford 
 read the accounts of this stupendous movement, 
 which her husband had inaugurated, with 
 wonder and amazement, and laid down the first 
 eight-page issue of the Blade with sparkling 
 eyes. 
 
 "Jim," she exclaimed, "I'm proud of you! 
 It is worth something to have started thousands 
 of people into new activity, new hope, new life; 
 to have, by your own unaided efforts, doubled 
 and tripled and quadrupled within just a few 
 days the value of hundreds of thousands of dol- 
 lars' worth of property!" 
 
 Mr. Wallingford at that moment was pour- 
 ing himself out a glass of champagne, and now 
 he laughed. 
 
 "It is a big stunt, Fannie," he agreed; "es- 
 pecially when you come to think that outside 
 of our traveling expenses it was all done at 
 an expense of two-fifty cash, the amount I 
 
 302
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 paid Lampton when I bought those first 
 options. ' ' 
 
 It was almost unbelievable, but it was true, 
 that all these huge impulses had been set in 
 motion by mere commercial hypnotism. The 
 public, however, saw in them only the power 
 of unlimited money. Money ! At last its magic 
 presence hovered over Battlesburg, a vast 
 beneficent spirit that quivered in the very 
 air and rendered the mere act of breathing 
 an intoxication. Its glitter enhanced the glory 
 of the very sunlight, and to its clinking music 
 the staid inhabitants of the town that had 
 slumbered for half a century quickened their 
 pace as if inspired by the strains of a martial 
 air. The same quickening that applied to 
 individuals applied also to the town as a 
 whole. Civic pride and ambition were aroused. 
 The day after Wallingford returned, the Cham- 
 ber of Commerce convened in special session, 
 and a committee, composed of Henry Quig and 
 Max Geldenstein, escorted Colonel Wallingford 
 before that august board, where the Honorable 
 G. W. Battles, as president, asked of the 
 eminent capitalist a pregnant question. Bat- 
 tlesburg wanted the shops of the L., B. & E. 
 traction line. What did the L., B. & E. want? 
 
 His requirements were modest, Colonel Wal- 
 
 303
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 lingford assured them. He demanded no cash 
 bonus whatever. If they would merely pro- 
 vide him the ground to build the shops, and a 
 lot conveniently placed in the center of the 
 city for a freight, baggage and passenger sta- 
 tion, and would use their influence with the 
 city council to secure him a franchise, he 
 would be content. He had secured options 
 upon the very pieces of property that would 
 be ideal for the purposes of the L., B. & E., 
 but upon these he would ask no profit what- 
 ever, notwithstanding their enhanced value 
 and his right to share in the wealth he had 
 created. If the Chamber of Commerce would 
 merely take up his options, repaying him the 
 amounts he had paid to secure them, he would 
 ask no more, and, further than that, he would 
 take the option money, would add to it a like 
 sum or more and with the total amount 
 would purchase a fountain for Courthouse 
 Square as an earnest of his sincere regard for 
 Battlesburg and its enterprising and gentle- 
 manly citizens. 
 
 The enthusiasm that greeted this announce- 
 ment was distinctly audible for two blocks each 
 way on Main Street, and in the midst of it the 
 Honorable G. W. Battles arose to once more 
 make the speech of his life. He could assure 
 
 304
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Colonel Wallingford that there would be no 
 trouble in influencing the City Council to grant 
 him a franchise, for the Chamber of Com- 
 merce had means of coercing the City Council ; 
 which was a splendid joke, for every member 
 of the City Council was also a member of the 
 Chamber of Commerce, and they were all 
 present. Such a quantity of mutual good will 
 and esteem was never before uncorked in so 
 limited a space as the social room of Odd Fel- 
 lows' Hall, and Clint Eichards was quite lost 
 to find new adjectives for the front page of 
 the next day's issue of the Blade. The glori- 
 ous news, together with some striking illustra- 
 tions of the healthy advance of Battlesburg 
 real estate, was copied in the papers of Paris, 
 London, Dublin, Berlin and Rome. In those 
 towns, too, the same civic activity was exhib- 
 ited, the same golden hopes were aroused, the 
 same era of prosperity set in; and the papers 
 of those villages vied with each other in chron- 
 icling the evidences of increased wealth that 
 had come upon them. Franchises, therefore, 
 were to be had by the munificent Colonel Wal- 
 lingford without the asking. Before he could 
 even appeal to them, village councils had given 
 him the exclusive use of their only desirable 
 streets for fifty years without money and with- 
 
 ao-Wallingford 305
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 out price. Ground for stations was donated 
 everywhere, and when Wallingford started out 
 to secure a right of way from the regenerated 
 farmers, who in these days kept themselves 
 posted by telephone and rural free delivery, 
 his triumphant progress would have sickened 
 with envy the promoters of legitimate traction 
 lines. 
 
 Discarding the big touring car, he secured a 
 horse and buckboard, and donning yellow 
 leather boots with straps and buckles at the 
 calf, appeared upon the road the very apothe- 
 osis of a constructive engineering contractor; 
 and when he stepped to the ground, big and 
 hearty, and head and shoulders above nearly 
 every man he went to see, when he gave them 
 that cordial handclasp and laughed down upon 
 them in that jovial way, every battle was half 
 won. The thorough democracy of the man 
 that was what caught them! Moreover, the 
 value of every foot of ground along the trac- 
 tion line was to be enhanced; at every farm- 
 house was to be an official stopping point with 
 a platform ; cars were to be run at least every 
 hour; it would be possible to go to town in 
 either direction, perform an errand and get 
 oack quickly, at infinitesimal cost and without 
 sparing a horse from the field; sidings were 
 
 306
 
 NEVER IN ALL HER MARRIED LIFE HAD SHE ENJOYED ANY 
 POSITION APPROACHING THIS
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 to be made everywhere, and wheat cars, when- 
 ever required, would be loaded directly from 
 the fields, the cost of transportation being 
 guaranteed to remain less than one half that 
 charged by the railroad; express cars were to 
 be inaugurated, and upon these, milk, butter, 
 eggs, produce of all kinds, could be shipped at 
 trifling expense. 
 
 While Wallingford was enjoying this new 
 role he had created, his wife had also her taste 
 of an entirely new life. She had no more than 
 settled down in her new house than Mrs. G. 
 W. Battles called upon her. Following her lead 
 came Mrs. Geldenstein and Mrs. Quig and Mrs. 
 Dorsett and the other acknowledged social lead- 
 ers of the town. True, they criticised her house, 
 her gowns, her manner of speech, her way of 
 doing up her hair, but, this solemn duty per- 
 formed, they unanimously agreed that she was 
 a distinct acquisition to the polite life of the 
 place. Never in all her married existence had 
 she enjoyed any position approaching this. 
 They had been nomads always, but now she 
 had actual calls to make, actual, sober, formal 
 friendships to cement, all these made possible 
 by her husband's vast importance in the com- 
 munity; and upon Wallingford 's triumphant 
 return from his campaign for the right of way 
 
 307
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 he was surprised to find her grown so young 
 and care-free. 
 
 "I like this place, Jim," she told him in ex- 
 planation. " Let's fix it to stay here always." 
 
 He gazed down at her and laughed. 
 
 "What have you been doing?" he inquired. 
 "Giving pink teas? Getting full credit for 
 your diamonds and those Paris dresses and 
 hats?" 
 
 She laughed with him in sheer lightness of 
 spirit. 
 
 "It's more than that," she said. "It is be- 
 cause I'm a human being at last. I have a 
 chance to be a real woman like other women, 
 and it is nice to have everybody looking up to 
 you as the biggest man in town, not even ex- 
 cepting Mr. Battles. Why, you could go to 
 the Legislature from here! You could be 
 elected to any office they have! You could 
 even be governor, I think." 
 
 He laughed again and shook his head. 
 
 "There isn't enough in it," he assured her. 
 "I'd rather promote a traction line. This is 
 the best ever. Why, Fanny, the entire popu- 
 lation, on both sides of the road for a solid 
 hundred miles, is laying awake nights and turn- 
 ing handsprings by day, all just to make money 
 for yours truly." 
 
 308
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 "They owe it to you," she insisted. "Look 
 how much money you're making for them. 
 The only thing I don't like about it is that 
 you're away so much. You must manage, 
 though, to he home the twenty-first. I'm going 
 to give a lawn reception. ' ' 
 
 "Fine!" he exclaimed. "Every little hit 
 helps. It's a good business move," and he 
 walked away, laughing. 
 
 309
 
 CHAPTEE XXI 
 
 IN WHICH THE SHEEP ABE SHEAKED AND SKINNED 
 AND THEIR HIDES TANNED 
 
 AN engineer appeared upon the scene 
 and ran a line straight down the 
 center of Main Street, amid intense 
 excitement on the part of the pop- 
 ulace; then he trailed off into the country, 
 and farmers driving into town reported see- 
 ing him at work all along the line. It was 
 strange the amount of business that farmers 
 found in town of late. Never before had so 
 brisk a country trade been enjoyed at this sea- 
 son of the year, and the results were far-reach- 
 ing. The Honorable G. W. Battles, on tlie oc- 
 casion of one of Wallingf ord 's visits to the 
 bank, invited him into the back room. 
 
 "Are you going to build that hotel, Colonel?" 
 he asked as soon as they were seated. 
 
 "I scarcely think so," replied Wallingf ord 
 with apparent reluctance. "The traction line 
 itself is going to take all my time to look after 
 it, and I really do not see how I can take part 
 in any other work of magnitude." 
 
 310
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 "That lot, then," began Mr. Battles hesi- 
 tatingly. "Ton know that property belongs 
 to me. Judge Lampton, on the very day you 
 first stopped here, came for a power of at- 
 torney to dispose of it. Of course your option 
 hasn't expired yet, but if you don't figure on 
 using the ground I might consider the build- 
 ing of a hotel myself." 
 
 "Good investment," declared Wallingford. 
 "Just pay me the difference in increased val- 
 uation and take over the site." 
 
 "The difference in valuation?" mused Mr. 
 Battles. "Of course, I appreciate the fact that 
 you are entitled to some of the wealth you pro- 
 duce for us. About how much do you think the 
 property has increased?" 
 
 "Oh, about four times," estimated Walling- 
 ford. "The lot's probably worth two thousand 
 by now." 
 
 He had looked for a vigorous objection to 
 this, but when the other turned to a scratch 
 pad and began figuring, he was sorry that he 
 had not asked more, for presently Mr. Battles 
 turned to him with : 
 
 "Well, in the way property has been going, 
 I presume the lot is worth about two thou- 
 sand. You paid a twenty-five-dollar option to 
 hold it for ninety days, and that, of course, 
 
 311
 
 GET- RICH-QUICK 
 
 you lose. You owe me five hundred for the 
 property and I owe you two thousand." 
 
 With no further words he took from his desk 
 his private check book and wrote Mr. Walling- 
 ford an order for fifteen hundred dollars. 
 Then, as by a common impulse, they walked 
 straight up to the office of the Battlesburg 
 Blade. That evening's issue flamed anew. 
 The big hotel was a certainty. It would be 
 called the Battles House. It would be four or 
 five stories in height, and ground would be 
 broken for it as soon as the plans could be 
 prepared. In the same item were published 
 the details of the real estate transaction. Mr. 
 Battles had paid two thousand dollars for his 
 own property, which, less than two months be- 
 fore, he had agreed to sell at five hundred dol- 
 lars! Battlesburg was waking up. 
 
 Mr. Geldenstein and Henry Quig came to 
 Mr. Wallingford with another proposition. 
 Did he intend to build the new opera house, 
 or would he care to dispose of the property he 
 had secured with that end in view I As a favor 
 to them he would dispose of it. With the 
 money he had received from Mr. Battles he 
 had already taken up his option on this and 
 other property, and he let the opera-house 
 syndicate have it for three thousand, four 
 
 312
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 times what it had cost him. In the papers of 
 Paris, London, Dublin, Berlin, Eome, these 
 things were retold, and the temperature of 
 those places went up another degree or two. 
 Keeping his fingers carefully upon the pulse 
 of the town, Wallingford began to draw upon 
 his capital and close in his options. Men 
 whose property he had been holding in leash, 
 accepted that money with wailing and gnash- 
 ing of teeth, but, within a week, whatever of 
 selfish bitterness they might have held was for- 
 gotten in the fever of speculation; for by the 
 end of that time there appeared on the hill 
 just east of town a gang of men with horses 
 and scrapers and they began chipping off 
 the top of that hill! Wallingford was out 
 there every morning in his buckboard and yel- 
 low leggings and yellow leather cap. The 
 Battlesburg Blade and all the other papers 
 from Lewisville to Elliston blazed with the 
 fact that actual construction work had begun 
 upon the L., B. & E., and the time when trol- 
 leys would begin to whiz through the main 
 streets of a dozen villages was calculated to a 
 second. Supply men, the agents of street car 
 shops, of ironworks, of electrical machinery 
 and the like, began flocking to Battlesburg 
 until even Pete Parsons woke up and raised 
 
 sis
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 his hotel rates ; and the arrival of each one of 
 them was heralded in Colonel Wallingf ord 's 
 invaluable adjunct, the Evening Blade. From 
 these men Wallingf ord secured "cuts," which 
 he distributed gratis, and pictures of the pala- 
 tial L., B. & E. cars appeared in all the papers 
 along its right of way; photographs of the 
 special wheat cars, of the freight and express 
 cars, even of the through sleeping cars which 
 would traverse the L., B. & E., carrying pas- 
 sengers from the western limit of the Midland 
 Valley traction system to the most eastern 
 point of the Golden West traction system. 
 
 Ground for the opera house and the hotel 
 was broken within a month, and, immediately, 
 upon this, small gangs of men were set to work 
 grading near half a dozen different towns at 
 once upon the projected route. The supreme 
 moment of Wallingf ord 's planning had ar- 
 rived, for now leaped into devouring flame the 
 blaze that he had kindled. What had at first 
 been a quickening of business became a craze. 
 At a rapidly accelerating pace property began 
 to change hands, with a leap in value at every 
 change. Men thought by day and dreamt by 
 night of nothing but real estate speculation. 
 A hundred per cent, could be made in a day 
 by a lucky trade. A mere "suburban" lot that 
 
 314
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 was purchased in the morning for two hundred 
 and fifty dollars, by night could be sold for 
 five hundred, and every additional transaction 
 added fuel to the flames. The papers chron- 
 icled these deals as examples of the wonderful 
 wealth that had suddenly descended upon their 
 respective towns. Money, long hoarded, leaped 
 forth from its hiding places. Everybody had 
 money, everybody was making money. Even 
 the farmers made real estate purchases in the 
 towns, not to hold, but to turn over. The craze 
 for speculation had at last seized upon them 
 all, and it was now that Wallingford began to 
 reap his harvest. A sale here, a sale there, 
 with an occasional purchase to offset them, 
 and he gradually began to unload, making it a 
 rule never to close a deal that did not net him 
 ten times the amount that he had invested. 
 He was on the road constantly now, first in 
 one village and then in another, ostensibly to 
 look after details of the building of his route, 
 but in reality to snap up money that was cer- 
 tain to be offered him for this or that or the 
 other piece of property that he held. 
 
 And all this time the people to whom he 
 sold were raving of the wealth that he had 
 made for them! Battlesburg nor any other 
 town stopped for a moment to consider that 
 
 315
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 he had brought it not one cent of new wealth; 
 that the money they were passing so fever- 
 ishly from hand to hand was their own; that 
 the values he had created for them were purely 
 artificial. They would only realize this after 
 he had gone, and then would come gradually 
 the knowledge that, in place of creating wealth, 
 he had lost it to them in the exact amount that 
 he carried away. Never in all his planning 
 had it crossed his mind really to build a trac- 
 tion line. Throughout a stretch of a hundred 
 miles he had succeeded in starting a mad, un- 
 reasoning scramble for real estate, and he, 
 having bought first to sell last, was the prin- 
 cipal gainer. He was unloading now at flood- 
 tide from one end of the line to the other, and 
 the ebb would see all these thousands of peo- 
 ple standing dazed and agape upon the barren 
 beach of their hopes. Some few shrewd 
 ones would be ahead, but for the most part 
 the "investors" would find themselves 
 with property upon their hands bought at 
 an absurd valuation that could never be 
 realized. 
 
 At no time did Wallingford talk to his wife 
 about his plans and intentions. She, like the 
 rest of them, saw the work apparently pushing 
 forward, and gave herself up to the social tri- 
 
 316
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 umphs that were hers at last. She was su- 
 premely happy, and her lawn reception upon 
 the twenty-first was, to quote the Battlesburg 
 Blade, "the most exclusive and recherche al 
 fresco function of a decade," and Wallingford, 
 hurrying in late from the road, scarcely recog- 
 nized his wife as, in a shimmering white gown, 
 she moved among her guests with a flush upon 
 her cheeks that heightened the sparkling of her 
 eyes. The grounds had been wired, and electric 
 lights of many colors glowed among the trees. 
 On the porch an orchestra, recruited from the 
 ranks of the Battlesburg band, discoursed am- 
 bitious music, and Wallingford smiled grimly 
 as he thought of the awakening that must come 
 within a week or so. He had reached the 
 house unobserved, and paused for a moment 
 outside the fence to view the scene as a stranger 
 might. 
 
 "I made it myself," he mused, with a 
 strange perversion of pride. "Pm the Big 
 Josh, all right; but it will be a shame to kick 
 the props out from under all this giddy 
 jubilee." 
 
 His wife discovered him and came smiling 
 to meet him, and on his way into the house to 
 change his clothing Tim Battles met him at 
 tke porch steps with a cordial handshake. 
 
 317
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "Well, how goes it, Colonel?" asked the 
 mayor. "We're listening now for the hum of 
 the trolleys almost any day." 
 
 "Maybe you're deaf," retorted Wallingford 
 enigmatically, and laughed. "What will you 
 do if the golden spike is never pounded in 1 ?" 
 
 "Drop dead," replied the other promptly. 
 "Every cent I could lay my hands on is in- 
 vested in property for which I'm refusing all 
 sorts of fancy prices, and I'm not going to sell 
 any of it until your first car whizzes through 
 Main Street. Lucky you got back to-night. 
 You'd regret it if you didn't hear my speech 
 at the fountain dedication to-morrow." 
 
 "Is it upV inquired Wallingford perfunc- 
 torily. 
 
 "Up and ready to spout; and so is father." 
 
 He said this because his father was ap- 
 proaching them, and all three of them laughed 
 courteously at the sally. When Wallingford, 
 cleansed and dressed, came downstairs again, 
 he was more jovially cordial than usual, even 
 for him, and made his guests, as he always did, 
 feel how incomplete the evening would have 
 been without his presence; but after they had 
 all gone he withdrew into the library, where, 
 after she had seen to the setting of her house 
 to rights, his wife joined him. He had taken 
 
 318
 
 a bottle of wine in with him, but it stood upon 
 the table unopened, while he sat close by it, 
 holding an unlighted cigar and gazing thought- 
 fully out of the window. She hesitated in the 
 doorway and he looked up slowly. 
 
 "Come in, Fanny, " he invited her soberly. 
 "Sit down!" and opening the wine he poured 
 out a glass for her. 
 
 She sipped at it and set it back upon the 
 table. 
 
 "What's the matter, Jim?" she asked solic- 
 itously. "Don't you feel well? Aren't things 
 going right?" 
 
 "Never felt better in my life," he declared, 
 "and things never panned out half so good. 
 I guess I'm tired. I never pulled off anything 
 near so big a game, but my end of the boom is 
 over. To-day I sold the last piece of prop- 
 erty I own, except this. Of course, I've been 
 too wise to sell any of the ground that was 
 given to me for shops and depots and terminal 
 stations. I'd lay myself open to the law if I 
 did that; and the law and I are real chummy. 
 I'm particular about the law. But I am rid of 
 everything else, and, in the five months we 
 have been here, I have cleaned up over two 
 hundred thousand dollars." 
 
 "The most money we ever did have!" she 
 
 319
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 exclaimed. "Is that in addition to what we had 
 when we came here?" 
 
 "All velvet, " he assured her. "We have 
 considerably over three hundred thousand now, 
 all told; a full third of a million!" 
 
 "I knew you could do it if you only set 
 yourself to it," she declared. "And all of that 
 fortune, for it is a fortune, Jim, was made in a 
 clean, honorable way." 
 
 He looked up at her, puzzled. Could it be 
 possible that she did not understand? 
 
 "7s a dollar honest?" he responded dryly, 
 and he talked no more of business that night. 
 
 The next morning ushered in a great day for 
 Battlesburg. Early in the dawn two carpenters 
 appeared in Courthouse Square and began put- 
 ting up a platform; but, early as they were, 
 boys were already on the ground, trying to 
 peer beneath the mysterious swathings of the 
 "veiled" fountain. Dan Hopkins set up his ice 
 cream and candy stand, and hoarse Jim Holler 
 appeared with his red and blue and green toy 
 balloons. About nine o'clock the farm wagons 
 came lumbering into town with the old folks. 
 About ten, smart "rigs" drawn by real "high 
 steppers" came speeding in ahead of whirling 
 clouds of dust, and these rigs carried the young 
 folks. By noon there were horses tied to every 
 
 320
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 hitching-post, and genuine throngs shuffled aim- 
 lessly up one side of Main Street and down the 
 other. There was the sound of shrieking 
 whistles and of hoarse tin horns; there was the 
 usual fight in front of Len Bradley 's blacksmith 
 shop. At one o'clock strange noises were 
 wafted out upon the street from Odd Fellows' 
 Hall. The Battleshurg brass band was practic- 
 ing. At one-thirty Courthouse Square was 
 jammed from fence to fence, and the street was 
 black with people, the narrow lane between 
 being constantly broken by perspiring mothers 
 darting frantically after "Willie and Susie and 
 Baby Johnnie. 
 
 Za-a-a-am! At last here came the band, two 
 and two, down the street, to the inspiriting 
 strains of "Marching Through Georgia," with 
 Will Derks at the head in a shako two feet high 
 and performing the most marvelous gyrations 
 with a shining brass baton. Throw it whirling 
 right over a telephone wire, for instance, and 
 never miss a stroke! Right through the crowd 
 went the band, and in about ten minutes it came 
 back to the lively step of "The Girl I Left Be- 
 hind Me." Following the music came car- 
 riages, trailed off by Ben Kirby's gayly deco- 
 rated grocery wagon ; and in the first carriage of 
 all were the Honorable G. W. Battles, the Hon- 
 
 2iWattingford 321
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 orable Timothy Battles, Judge Lampton, and 
 last, but not least, that master of golden plenty, 
 Colonel J. Rufus Wallingford! Ah, there rode 
 the progress and prosperity, the greatness and 
 power, the initiative and referendum not only of 
 Battlesburg, but of a dozen once poor, now 
 rich, villages between Lewisville and Elliston! 
 Amid mingled music and huzzas the noble as- 
 semblage took their places upon the platform, 
 the gentlemen in the front row, the ladies in the 
 rear; and, at one side, was a table and a chair 
 for that thoroughly alive representative of the 
 press, Clint Richards. 
 
 The band stopped abruptly. The Honorable 
 G. W. Battles had held up his hand for silence. 
 He had the honor to introduce the speaker of 
 the day, Mayor Timothy Battles, but before 
 doing so he would take up a trifle of their time, 
 only a few brief moments, to congratulate his 
 beloved fellow citizens upon the brave and 
 patriotic struggle they had made to bring Bat- 
 tlesburg to such a thriving condition that it 
 could attract Eastern capital; and in vivid, 
 glowing, burning words he depicted the glori- 
 ous future that awaited Battlesburg when she 
 should become the new Queen of the Prairies, 
 the new Metropolis of the Middle West, the 
 new Arbiter of Commerce and Wealth! No- 
 
 322
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 body escaped the Honorable G. W. Battles. 
 From the farmer's hired hand who tilled the 
 soil to the millionaire whose enterprise had 
 made so much possible to them, he gave to every 
 man his just and due meed of praise, and there 
 was not one within hearing of his voice who did 
 not ache at that very moment to vote for the 
 Honorable G. W. Battles, for something, for 
 anything! For full forty-five minutes he in- 
 troduced the speaker of the day, sitting down 
 at last amid deafening cheers that were so aptly 
 described in that evening's issue of the Bat- 
 tlesburg Blade as "salvos of applause." 
 
 The Honorable Timothy Battles, mayor of 
 Battlesburg, had also but very little to say. 
 He also would not take up much of their time. 
 It was merely his privilege to introduce a 
 gentleman whom they all knew well, one who 
 had come among them modestly and unobtru- 
 sively, asking nothing for himself, but bring- 
 ing to them precious Opportunity, of the 
 golden fruits of which they had already been 
 given more than a taste; a gentleman of master- 
 ful ability, of infinite resources, of magnificent 
 plans, of vast accomplishment; in short, a 
 gentleman who had made famous, across five 
 counties and to thousands of grateful people, 
 his own name as a synonym for all that was pro- 
 
 323
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 gressive, for all that was vigorous, for all that 
 was ennobling the name of Colonel J. Rufus 
 Wallingford! 
 
 "W ailing fordf" That was the magic word 
 for which they had waited. Throngh all of 
 the Honorable Gr. W. Battles* speech of intro- 
 duction the name itself had not been used, 
 although the address had bristled with allu- 
 sions to the gentleman who bore it. In the same 
 manner the Honorable Timothy Battles, trained 
 in the same effective school of oratory, had 
 held back the actual name until this dramatic 
 moment, when, with hand upraised, he shouted 
 it down upon them and waited, smiling, for that 
 tumultuous shout of enthusiasm which he knew 
 to be inevitable. 
 
 "WALLINGFORD!" Courthouse Square 
 fairly rang with the syllables. Patiently the 
 Honorable Timothy Battles awaited the subsi- 
 dence of the storm he had so painstakingly 
 created, smiling upon his beloved people with 
 ineffable approval. Not yet was the Honorable 
 Timothy Battles through, however. He had a 
 few words to say about the political party 
 which he had the honor to represent in his 
 humble capacity, and how it had laid the 
 ground work of the prosperity upon which their 
 friend and benefactor, Mr. J. Rufus Walling- 
 
 324
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 ford, had reared such a magnificent super- 
 structure; and amid the deadly silence of en- 
 forced respect he made them a rousing political 
 speech for a solid half hour, after which he 
 really did introduce that splendid benefactor, 
 Colonel J. Eufus Wallingford! 
 
 The Colonel, all that a distinguished capital- 
 ist should be in externals, arose hugely in his 
 frock coat of black broadcloth and looked at 
 his watch. He was not an orator, he said; he 
 was a mere business man, and as he had lis- 
 tened to the earnest remarks of his very dear 
 friends, the Honorable G. W. Battles and the 
 Honorable Timothy Battles, he felt very humble 
 indeed. He had done but little that he should 
 deserve all the glowing encomiums that had 
 been pronounced upon him. The energetic 
 citizens who stood before him were themselves 
 responsible for the new eTa of prosperity, and 
 what trifle he had been able to add to it they 
 were quite welcome to have. He only wished 
 that it were more and of greater value. He 
 would remember them, and how they had all 
 worked hand in hand together, throughout life, 
 and in the meantime he thanked them, and he 
 thanked them again for their cordial treatment 
 ever since that first and most happy moment 
 that he had come among them. Thanking them 
 
 325
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 yet once more, he mopped his brow and sat 
 down. 
 
 Again the Honorable G. W. Battles was upon 
 his feet. He had now, beloved citizens, to call 
 their attention to the beautiful and generous 
 gift that had been made them by their esteemed 
 fellow townsman, Colonel J. Kufus Wallingford 
 (great applause) and the honor, moreover, to 
 introduce to them the charming wife of that 
 esteemed fellow townsman, to whose fair hand 
 should be committed the cord that was to re- 
 veal to Battlesburg its first official glimpse of 
 this splendid gift. The cord was placed in her 
 hand; the Battlesburg Band, at a signal from 
 the Honorable G. W. Battles, struck into "The 
 Star-Spangled Banner;" the wife of their es- 
 teemed fellow townsman, confused, yet secretly 
 elated, gave a tug at the silken cord; the gray 
 shroud that had enveloped the new bronze foun- 
 tain fell apart; Jim Higgins, waiting at the 
 basement window of the courthouse for his 
 signal, turned on the cock and the water 
 spouted high in air, a silver stream in the 
 glorious sunlight of midday, falling back to the 
 basin in a million glittering diamonds. At that 
 moment, gathering these descriptive facts into 
 words as he went, Clint Richards grabbed his 
 notes from the table, and, springing over the 
 
 326
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 railing of the platform, forced his way through 
 the cheering, howling crowd to strike out on a 
 lope for the office of the Battlesburg Blade. 
 
 Well, it was all over. The grand shakedown 
 was accomplished; he had milked his milk; he 
 had sheared his sheep and skinned them, and 
 nailed their hides up to dry. To-morrow, or 
 in two or three days at most, he would quietly 
 disappear and leave all these Reubens to wake 
 up and find themselves waiting at the morgue. 
 But it had been a skyrocket finish, anyhow, and 
 he reflected upon this with a curious satisfac- 
 tion as he made his slow progress to the street, 
 stopping at every step to shake hands with 
 those who crowded up to greet him as the in- 
 comparable human cornucopia. It was with a 
 sigh of relief, however, that he finally reached 
 home, where he could shut himself away from 
 all this adulation. 
 
 "Honest, Fanny," he confessed with an un- 
 easy laugh, "it's coming too strong for me. I 
 want to get away from it. ' ' 
 
 " 'Away'!" she echoed. "I thought you 
 liked all this. I do. I like the place and the 
 people and we amount to something here." 
 
 ' ' That 's right, puff up, ' ' he bantered her. ' ' I 
 like that tight- vest feeling, too, but I can 't keep 
 it going, for the yeast's run out; so it's us for 
 
 327
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 Europe. Next spring I'll try this game again. 
 A couple more such deals, and then I'll jump on 
 Wall Street and slam the breath out of it. 1 
 have an idea or two about that game " 
 
 He stopped abruptly, checked by the dawning 
 horror in his wife's face, then he laughed a bit 
 nervously. 
 
 "Go away from here: from the only place 
 where we've ever had respect for ourselves and 
 from others?" she faltered. "Not build the 
 traction line? Make all this happiness I've had 
 a theft that is worse than stealing money! 
 Jim! You can't mean it!" 
 
 "You don't understand business," he pro- 
 tested. ' ' This is all perfectly legal, and the 
 traction line wouldn't make me as much in ten 
 years as I've already cleared. I'd be a rank 
 sucker Hello, who 's this I ' ' 
 
 They were standing before the window of the 
 library, and at that moment a road-spattered 
 automobile, one of the class built distinctively 
 for service, stopped in front of the door. Out of 
 it sprang a rather undersized man with a steel- 
 gray beard and very keen gray eyes, but not at 
 all impressive looking. His clothing was very 
 dusty, but he did not even shake his ulster as 
 he strode up to the porch and rang the bell. 
 Of all their household not even Billy Ricks had 
 
 328
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 as yet returned, and Wallingford himself 
 opened the door. 
 
 ''Is this the residence of Colonel Walling- 
 ford 1 ' ' asked the man crisply. 
 
 "I am Mr. Wallingford." 
 
 "I am E. B. Lott, of the Midland Valley 
 Traction System, which was yesterday con- 
 solidated with the Golden West group. I 
 dropped in to talk with you about your Lewis- 
 ville-Elliston line." 
 
 Mrs. Wallingford stopped for only a moment 
 to gather the full significance of what this 
 might mean, and then hurried upstairs. She 
 was afraid to remain for fear she might betray 
 her own eagerness. 
 
 "Step in," said Wallingford calmly, and led 
 the way to the library. 
 
 SS0
 
 CHAPTER XXH 
 
 J. BUFT7S PREFERS FARMING IN AMERICA TO 
 PROMOTING IN EUROPE 
 
 THE Battlesburg Blade was full of the 
 big consolidation for a week follow- 
 ing the providential visit of Mr. Lott. 
 The Lewis ville, Battlesburg and Ellis- 
 ton traction line was not merely an assured 
 fact it had always been that since the coming 
 of Colonel Wallingford but it was now even 
 a bigger and better thing than ever, the key 
 to a vast network of trolleys which, with this 
 connecting link, would have its ramifications 
 across more than the fourth part of a continent. 
 The only drawback to all this good was that 
 they were to lose as a permanent resident their 
 esteemed fellow citizen, Colonel J. Bufus Wal- 
 lingford since he had sold his right of way, 
 franchises, concessions and good will and 
 every issue of the Blade, from news columns 
 to editorials, was a tribute to all that this 
 noble, high-spirited gentleman had done for 
 Battlesburg. 
 A score of impulsive women kissed Mrs. Wal- 
 
 330
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 lingford good-by at the train, while the Honor- 
 able G. W. Battles strove against Billy Ricks 
 and Judge Lampton and Clint Richards for the 
 honor of the last handshake with her husband; 
 and after Mrs. Wallingford had fluttered her 
 handkerchief from the car window for the last 
 time, she pressed it to her eyes. 
 
 "I'm going to keep my house there always," 
 she said, when she had calmed, "and whenever 
 we're tired of living at other places I want to 
 come here home! Why, just think, Jim, it's 
 the only town you ever did business in that you 
 can come back to!" 
 
 He agreed with her in this, but, by and by, 
 she found his shoulders heaving with his usual 
 elephantine mirth. 
 
 "What is it?" she asked him. 
 
 "The joke's on me," he laughed. "The big- 
 gest stunt I ever pulled off, and even the baa- 
 baas satisfied. Why, Fanny," and the sur- 
 prise in his face was almost ludicrous, "it 
 turned out to be a legitimate deal, after all!" 
 
 That was the keynote of a startling new 
 thought which came to him: that there might 
 actually be more money in legitimate deals than 
 in the dubious ones in which he had always en- 
 gaged ; and that thought he took to Europe with 
 him It dwelt with him in the fogs of London 
 
 331
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 and the sunshine of Paris, at the roulette tables 
 of Monte Carlo and on the canals of Venice. It 
 was an ambition-rousing idea, and with perfect 
 confidence in his own powers he saw himself 
 rising to a commanding position in American 
 financial affairs. Why, he already owned a 
 round half million of dollars, and the mere 
 momentum of this huge amount caused quite 
 an alteration, not only in his mode of thought, 
 but of life. Heretofore he had looked upon such 
 gain as he wrested from his shady transactions 
 as a mere medium of quick exchange, which was 
 to be turned into pleasure and lavish display 
 as rapidly as possible. When he secured 
 money his only impulse had been to spend all 
 of it and then get more; but a half million! It 
 was a sum large enough to represent earning 
 capacity, and his always creative mind was 
 busy with the thought of how he might utilize 
 its power. After all, it was only another new 
 and expensive pleasure that he desired, the 
 pleasure of swaying big affairs, of enrolling 
 himself upon the roster of the pseudo-great, 
 and to that end, during his entire European 
 trip he devoured American newspapers wher- 
 ever he could find them, seeking for means by 
 which he could increase his fortune to one of 
 truly commanding proportions. In the mean- 
 
 332
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 time he was as lavish as ever, scattering money 
 with a prodigal hand; but now it was with a 
 different motive. He used it freely to secure 
 the best to be found in the way of luxury, but no 
 longer spent it merely to get rid of it. 
 
 Mrs. Wallingford, content, viewed Europe 
 with appreciative eyes, and no empress swathed 
 in silk and diadem-crowned ever took more 
 graciously to the pomp with which their royal 
 progress was attended wherever they went. 
 Wallingford 's interest in foreign lands, how- 
 ever, had suddenly become a business one. 
 Restless as ever, he moved from place to place 
 with rapid speed, and covered in two months 
 the ground that ordinary tourists above the 
 financial standing of " trippers " would think 
 they had slighted in six. Europe, as a matter 
 of fact, did not please him at all. Its laws were 
 too strict, and he found in nearly every country 
 he visited, that a man, unless he happened to 
 be an innkeeper, was expected to actually de- 
 liver value received for every coin that came 
 into his possession! This was so vastly differ- 
 ent from the financial and commercial system 
 to which he had been used that he became eager 
 to get back home, and finally, having been 
 visited over night with the inspiration for a 
 brilliant new enterprise, he cabled his bankers 
 
 333
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 to throw open a portion of his account to 
 Blackie Daw, and to the latter gentleman 
 cabled instructions to buy him a good farm in 
 the middle of the wheat belt and fit it for his 
 residence regardless of cost. Then he started 
 back for the land where the money grows. 
 
 The task he had set Blackie Daw was very 
 much to that gentleman's liking. There had 
 arisen a sudden crisis in his "business affairs," 
 that very morning, which demanded his imme- 
 diate absence, not only from his office, but from 
 any other spot in which the authorities might 
 be able to find him, and, relieved of his dilemma 
 in the nick of time by Wallingford's money, he 
 immediately put an enormous number of miles 
 between himself and New York. A week he 
 spent in search, and when he found the loca- 
 tion which suited him, he set about his task 
 of constructing a Wallingford estate in great 
 glee. He built a big new barn, the finest in 
 the county; he put a new front to the house, 
 bigger than the house itself had been; he 
 brought on load after load of fine furniture; he 
 stocked the big cellar with beer and wines and 
 liquors of all kinds; he piped natural gas from 
 twelve miles away and installed a gas furnace 
 in the cellar and a gas engine in a workshop 
 near the barn ; he had electricians wire the place 
 
 334
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 from cellar to attic, including the barn and the 
 front porch and the trees in the front yard, and 
 had a dynamo put in to be run by the gas en- 
 gine and to illuminate the entire estate; he in- 
 stalled both line and house telephone systems, 
 with extension phones wherever they would be 
 handy, and, his work finished, surveyed it with 
 much satisfaction. With the mail carrier stop- 
 ping every day, with the traction line running 
 right past the door, and with plenty of money, 
 he decided that J. Rufus would be able to get 
 along, through the winter, at least. 
 
 It was in the early part of September when 
 J. Eufus, clad according to his notions of what 
 a gentleman farmer should look like a rich 
 brown velvet corduroy suit with the trousers 
 neatly tucked into an eighteen-dollar pair of 
 seal leather boots; a twenty-dollar broad- 
 brimmed felt hat upon his head; a brown silk 
 neglige shirt and a scarf of a little deeper 
 shade in the "V" of his broad vest; an im- 
 mense diamond gleaming from the scarf ar- 
 rived at the Wallingford estate in a splendid 
 equipage drawn by a pair of sleek bays. 
 
 Marching in time to the ringing " Soldiers' 
 Chorus" from Faust f Blackie Daw came down 
 the walk from the wide Colonial poreh, carry- 
 ing in his arms the huge phonograph from 
 
 335
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 which the music proceeded, and greeted the 
 laughing new master and mistress of the house 
 with extravagant ceremony, while three country 
 girls, a red-cheeked one, a thin one, and a mor- 
 tally ugly one, stood giggling upon the porch. 
 
 1 'Welcome to Wallingford Villa!" exclaimed 
 Blackie, setting the blaring phonograph on the 
 gate post, and, with his left hand tucked into 
 his coat bosom, extending his right hand dra- 
 matically toward the porch. "Welcome to 
 your ancestral estates and adoring tenantry!'* 
 
 "Fine business!" approved J. Eufus, shak- 
 ing hands with Mr. Daw. "Invite the band in 
 to have a drink, Blackie." 
 
 "Hush!" admonished Mr. Daw in a hoarse 
 stage whisper. "Not Blackie. Here, in hiding 
 from the minions of Uncle Sam, I am Horatio 
 Raven. Remember the name." 
 
 "What's the matter?" asked Wallingford, 
 detecting something real beneath all this ab- 
 surdity. "I called at your place in Boston, and 
 found a corn doctor's sign on the door. I didn't 
 mean to plant you out here." 
 
 "Plant is the word," responded Mr. Daw, 
 "and I've rooted fast in the soil. I'm going 
 to take out naturalization papers and grow a 
 chin beard. You're harboring a fugitive, Jim. 
 The very day I got your letter from dear old 
 
 336
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Lunnon, throwing open a section of your bank 
 account and telling me to buy a farm, the postal 
 authorities took it into their heads to stop all 
 traffic in the Yellow Streak gold mine; also 
 they wanted to mark one Horace G. Daw 'Ex- 
 hibit A, ' and slam him in a cold cage for future 
 reference; so I put on my green whiskers and 
 snuck here to the far, far prairies." 
 
 A certain amount of reserve had been quite 
 noticeable in Mrs. "Wallingford, and it was still 
 apparent as she asked courteously: 
 
 " Where is Mrs. Daw?" 
 
 11 Raven, if you please," he corrected her, and, 
 in spite of his general air of flippancy, his face 
 lengthened a trifle. "Mrs. Violet Bonnie D.," 
 he replied, "has returned to the original lemon 
 box of which she was so perfect a product, and 
 is now delighting a palpitating public in 'The 
 Jolly Divorcee,' with a string of waiting John- 
 nies from the stage door two blocks down 
 Broadway every night. Let us mention the 
 lady no more lest I use language. ' ' 
 
 "What a pretty place you have made of 
 this!" exclaimed Mrs. Wallingford, thawing 
 into instant amiability. She had her own rea- 
 sons for being highly pleased with the absence 
 of Violet Bonnie Daw. 
 
 "Pretty good," agreed the pseudo Raven. 
 
 a a Wallingford 337
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "Step inside and imagine you're in Peacock 
 Alley at the Waldorf. " 
 
 With considerable pride he led them in- 
 side. Knowing Wallingford as he did, he had 
 spared no expense to make this house as luxu- 
 rious as fine furnishings would render it, and, 
 having considerable taste in Wallingford 's 
 own bizarre way, he had accomplished rather 
 flaming results. 
 
 "And this," said he, throwing open a door 
 upstairs, "is my own room; number twenty- 
 three. Upon the walls you will observe the 
 mournful relics of a glorious past." 
 
 The ceiling was papered with silver stock 
 certificates of the late Los Pocos Lead Develop- 
 ment Company, the walls with dark green shares 
 of the late Mexican and Eio Grande Rubber 
 Company, and dark red ones of the late St. 
 John's Blood Orange Plantation Company, 
 while walls and ceiling were divided by a frieze 
 of the beautiful orange-colored stock certifi- 
 cates of the late Yellow Streak Gold Mining 
 Company. 
 
 "My own little idea," he explained, as Mrs. 
 Wallingford smiled her appreciation of the 
 grim humor and went to her own dainty apart- 
 ment to remove the stains of travel. "A re- 
 minder of the happy times that once were but 
 
 338
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 that shall be no more. I have now to figure out 
 another stunt for skinning the beloved public, 
 and it's hard work. I wish I had your ability 
 to dope up gaudy new boob-stringers. What 
 are you going to do with the farm, anyhow?" 
 
 "Save the farmers," replied J. Rufus Wal- 
 lingf ord solemnly. * * The farmers of the United 
 States are the most downtrodden people in the 
 world. The real producers of the wealth of our 
 great nation hold the bag, and the non-pro- 
 ducers reap the golden riches of the soil. "Who 
 rises in his might and comes to their rescue? 
 Who overturns the old order of things, puts the 
 farmer upon a pinnacle of prosperity and places 
 his well-deserved earnings beyond the reach of 
 avarice and greed? Who, I ask? J. Rufus 
 Wallingford, the friend of the oppressed and 
 the protector of the poor!" 
 
 "Good!" responded Mr. Daw, "and the way 
 you say it it's worse than ever. I'm in on the 
 play, but please give me a tip before the blow- 
 off comes so I can leave the county." 
 
 "The county is safe," responded Mr. Wal- 
 lingford. "It's nailed down. You know me, 
 Blackie. The law and I are old college chums 
 and we never go back on each other. I'm going 
 to lift my money out of the Chicago wheat pit, 
 and when I get through that pit will be noth- 
 
 339
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 ing bnt an empty hole. By this time next fall 
 I'll have a clean, cool million, and then I can 
 buy a stack of blue chips and sit in the big 
 game. I'll never rest easy till I can hold a 
 royal flush against Morgan and Rockefeller, and 
 when I skin them all will be forgiven." 
 
 " Jump right in, Jim; the water's fine for you 
 just now. I'm not wised up yet to this new 
 game of yours, but I've got a bet on you. Go 
 to it and win." 
 
 "It's my day to break the bank," asserted 
 J. Eufus. "Your bet's safe. Go soak your 
 watch and play me across the board. ' ' 
 
 The telephone bell rang and Blackie an- 
 swered it. 
 
 "Come right over," he told the man at the 
 other end of the wire. "Mr. Wallingford has 
 arrived. ' ' 
 
 He hung up the receiver and conducted Wal- 
 lingford downstairs into a well-lighted room 
 that jutted out in an "L" from the house, with 
 a separate outside entrance toward the rear. 
 
 "Observe the center of a modern agricultur- 
 ist's web," he declaimed. "Sit at your desk, 
 farmer, for your working superintendent is 
 about to call on you." 
 
 J. Rufus Looked around him with vast appre- 
 ciation. 
 
 340
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 * ' I thought I had my own ideas about looking 
 the part," he observed, "but you have me 
 skinned four ways from the Jack." 
 
 In the center of the room was a large, flat-top 
 desk, and upon it was an extension 'phone from 
 the country line. On the other side was the desk 
 'phone and call board of a private line which 
 connected the house, the barn, the granary and 
 a dozen fields throughout the farm. On one 
 side was a roll-top desk, and this was Mr. 
 Daw 's. Opposite was another roll-top desk, for 
 the "working superintendent." 
 
 "At least one real farmer will have to be on 
 the job," Blackie explained, "and I nabbed 
 Hamlet Tinkle, the prize of the neighborhood. 
 He is a graduate of an agricultural college and 
 all the farmers think he's a joke; but I have him 
 doped out as being able to coax more fodder 
 from unwilling mud than any soil tickler in 
 these parts. He helped me select the farm 
 library. ' ' 
 
 With a grin at his own completeness of de- 
 tail, Mr. Daw indicated the sectional book- 
 cases, where stood, in neat rows, the Govern- 
 ment reports on everything agricultural, and 
 treatises on every farm subject under the sun 
 from the pip to the boll weevil. Filing cases 
 there were, and card indexes, and every luxury 
 
 341
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 that has been devised for modern office work. 
 With an amused air the up-to-date farmer was 
 leafing through one after the other of the con- 
 glomeration of strange books, when Hamlet 
 Tinkle was ushered in by the ever-grinning 
 Nellie. He was a tall, big-boned fellow, who 
 had divided his time at the agricultural college 
 between playing center rush and studying the 
 chemical capabilities of various soils. Just 
 now, though the weather was bracing, he wore 
 a broad-brimmed straw hat with the front 
 turned up, and a flannel shirt with no coat or 
 vest; and he had walked two miles, from the 
 place at which he had telephoned, in twenty- 
 two minutes. 
 
 "Mr. Tinkle Mr. Wallingf ord, " said Mr. 
 Daw. "Mr. Wallingf ord, this is the gentle- 
 man whom I recommend as your working 
 superintendent. ' ' 
 
 Both Mr. Wallingford and Mr. Tinkle ac- 
 cepted this title with perfect gravity. 
 
 "Sit down," said Wallingford cordially, 
 and himself took his place at the flat-top desk 
 in the midst of the telephones and push but- 
 tons. Already he began to feel the exhilara- 
 tion of his new role and loomed broadly above 
 his desk, from the waist line up a most satis- 
 fying revelation to Mr. Tinkle of what the 
 
 342
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 farmer of the future ought to be like. "Mr. 
 Eaven tells me," observed Wallingford, "that 
 you are prepared to conduct this farm on 
 scientific principles." 
 
 "Yes, sir," admitted Mr. Tinkle. "I shall 
 be very glad to show to Truscot County what 
 can be done with advanced methods. Father 
 doesn't seem to care to have me try it on his 
 farm. He says he made enough out of his 
 own methods to send me to college, and I 
 ought to be satisfied with that." 
 
 "Your father's all right, but maybe we can 
 teach even him some new tricks. The first 
 question, Mr. Tinkle, is how much money you 
 want. ' ' 
 
 "Fifteen a week and board," responded Mr. 
 Tinkle promptly. "The seasons through." 
 
 "Fine!" responded Wallingford with a 
 wave of the hand which indicated that fifty a 
 week and board would have been no bar, as, 
 indeed, it would not have been. "Consider 
 yourself engaged from the present moment. 
 Now let's get down to brass tacks, Mr. Tinkle. 
 I don't know enough about farming to stuff up 
 the middle of a cipher; I don't know which 
 end down you plant the grains of wheat; but 
 wheat is what I want, and nothing but wheat!" 
 
 Mr. Tinkle shook his head. 
 
 343
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "With Mr. Raven's permission I have heen 
 making tests of your soil," he observed. 
 "Your northeast forty is still good for wheat 
 and will make a good yield, possibly thirty 
 bushels, but the southwest forty will do well if 
 it gives you eight to ten bushels without thor- 
 ough fertilization; and this will be much more 
 expensive than planting it in some other crop 
 for a couple of years." 
 
 "Jolly it any old way to get wheat," di- 
 rected Wallingford. "Wheat is what I want; 
 all you can get." 
 
 Mr. Tinkle hesitated. He made two or three 
 false starts, during which his auditors waited 
 with the patience born to those who lie in 
 crouch for incautious money, and then dis- 
 played his altruistic youth. 
 
 "I have to tell you," he blurted. "You have 
 here one hundred and sixty acres. Suppose 
 that you could get the high average of thirty 
 bushels per acre from it. Suppose you got a 
 dollar a bushel for that wheat, your total in- 
 come would still be less than five thousand dol- 
 lars. You are hiring me as manager, and you 
 will need other hands; you have a machinist, 
 who is also to be your chauffeur, I understand ; 
 you have three house servants, and upon the 
 scale you evidently intend to conduct this farm 
 
 344
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 and your residence I judge that you cannot get 
 along for less than eight to ten thousand a 
 year. I am bound to tell you that I cannot see 
 a profit for you." 
 
 "Which of these buttons calls one of the 
 girls?" asked Wallingford. 
 
 "The third button is Nellie," replied Mr. 
 Daw gravely, and touched it. 
 
 The rosy-cheeked girl appeared instantly, on 
 the point of giggling, as she had been from the 
 moment Mr. Daw first engaged her. 
 
 "Bring in my grip from the hall," Mr. 
 Wallingford directed; "the one with the labels 
 on it." 
 
 This brought in, Mr. Wallingford extracted 
 from it a huge bundle of documents bound 
 with rubber bands. Unfolded, they proved to 
 be United States Government bonds, shares of 
 railroad stocks and of particularly stable in- 
 dustrials, thousands of dollars worth of them. 
 For Mr. Tinkle's inspection he passed over his 
 bank book, showing a balance of one hundred 
 and fifty thousand. 
 
 "Wheat," cheerfully lied Mr. Wallingford, 
 with a wave of his hand; "all wheat! Half a 
 million dollars!" 
 
 "Speculation?" charged Mr. Tinkle, a trace 
 of sternness in his voice. 
 
 345
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 " Investment," protested Wallingford. "I 
 never sold; I bought, operating always upon 
 margin sufficient for ample protection, and al- 
 ways upon absolute information gathered di- 
 rectly from the centers of production. This 
 farm is for the purpose of bringing me more 
 thoroughly in touch with the actual conditions 
 that make prices. So, as you see, Mr. Tinkle, 
 the trifling profit or loss of this venture in a 
 business way is a mere bagatelle." 
 
 Both Mr. Daw and Mr. Tinkle were regard- 
 ing Mr. Wallingford with awe and admira- 
 tion, but for somewhat different reasons. Mr. 
 Tinkle, elated, went home to get his clothes 
 and books, and on the way he put into breath- 
 less circulation the fact that the new proprietor 
 of the old Spicer place was the greatest man 
 on earth, with the possible exception of Theo- 
 dore Roosevelt, and that he had already made 
 half a million dollars in wheat! He had seen 
 the money! 
 
 "I pass," observed Mr. Daw to Mr. Wal- 
 lingford. "I'm in the kindergarten class, and 
 I take off my lid to you as being the most valu- 
 able combination known to the history of plain 
 or fancy robbery. You have them all beat 
 twice around the track. You make an amateur 
 of Ananias and a piker of Judas Iscariot." 
 
 346
 
 CHAPTER XXIII 
 
 A CORNER IN FARMERS IS FORMED AND IT BEHOLDS 
 A MOST WONDERFUL VISION 
 
 IT was already high time for fall planting 
 operations on the Wallingford estate, and 
 Trnscot County was a-quiver with what 
 might be the result of the new-fangled 
 test-tube farming that Ham Tinkle was to in- 
 augurate. From the first moment of his hir- 
 ing that young enthusiast plunged into his 
 work with a fervor that left him a scant six 
 hours of sleep a night. 
 
 In the meantime J. Eufus took a flying trip 
 to Chicago, where he visited one broker's office 
 after another. Those places with fine polished 
 woodwork and brass trimmings and expensive 
 leather furniture he left without even intro- 
 ducing himself such stage settings were too 
 much in his own line of business for him not 
 to be suspicious of them but, finally, he wan- 
 dered into the office of Fox & Fleecer, a dingy, 
 poorly lighted place, where gas was kept burn- 
 ing on old-fashioned fixtures all day long, 
 where the woodwork was battered and black- 
 
 347
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 ened, where the furniture was scratched and 
 hacked and bound together with wires to keep 
 it intact, and where, on a cracked and splin- 
 tered blackboard, one small and lazy boy 
 posted, for a score or so of rusty men past 
 middle age, the fluctuating figures of the Great 
 Gamble. Mr. Fox, a slow-spoken and abso- 
 lutely placid gentleman of benevolent appear- 
 ance and silvery mutton-chop whiskers, deli- 
 cately blended the impressions that while he 
 was indeed flattered by this visit from so distin- 
 guished a gentleman, his habitual conserva- 
 tism would not allow him to express his delight. 
 
 ' ' How much money can you be trusted with ? ' ' 
 asked Wallingford bluntly. 
 
 ''I would not say, sir," rejoined Mr. Fox 
 with no resentment whatever. ''We have been 
 thirty years in these same offices, and we never 
 yet have had enough in our hands to make it 
 worth while for us to quit business. Permit 
 me to show you our books. ' ' 
 
 His ledger displayed accounts running as 
 high as two hundred and fifty thousand dol- 
 lars that had been intrusted to their care by 
 single individuals. But thirty years in busi- 
 ness at the same old stand! He insisted gently 
 upon this point, and Wallingford nodded his 
 head. 
 
 348
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 " Before I'm through I'll make all these bets 
 look like cigar money," he asserted, "but just 
 now I'm going to put fifty thousand in your 
 hands, and I want it placed in exactly this way : 
 Monday morning, with ten thousand dollars 
 buy me one hundred thousand bushels of De- 
 cember wheat on a ten-cent margin. No more 
 money will be put up on this deal, so place a 
 stop-loss order against it. If wheat drops 
 enough to wipe out the ten thousand dollars, 
 all right; say nothing and report the finish of 
 the transaction to me. I'll do my own grin- 
 ning. If .wheat goes up enough to leave me 
 five cents a bushel profit, clear of commissions, 
 close the deal and remit. On the following 
 Monday, if wheat has gone up from the quota- 
 tions of to-day, sell one hundred thousand 
 bushels more at ten cents margin and close at 
 a sufficient drop to net me five cents clear. If 
 it has gone down, buy. Do this on five succes- 
 sive Mondays and handle each deal separately. 
 Get me one winning out of five. That's all I 
 want." 
 
 Mr. Fox considered thoughtfully for a mo- 
 ment, carefully polishing his bald, pink scalp 
 around and around with the palm of his hand. 
 He gave the curious impression of being al- 
 ways engaged with some blandly interesting 
 
 349
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 secret problem along with the business under 
 consideration. 
 
 "Very well, sir," he observed. "Fox & 
 Fleecer never makes any promises, but if you 
 will put your instructions into writing I will 
 place them in the hands of our Mr. Fleecer, 
 who conducts our board operations. He will 
 do the best he can for you." 
 
 Mr. Wallingford looked about him for a 
 stenographer. There was none employed here, 
 and, sitting down to the little writing table 
 which was pointed out to him, he made out the 
 instructions in long hand, while Mr. Fox pol- 
 ished away at his already glistening pate, still 
 working at that blandly interesting secret 
 problem. 
 
 Ten days later, at the test-tube farm, ar- 
 rived a report from Messrs. Fox & Fleecer, 
 inclosing their check for fifteen thousand dol- 
 lars. Wheat, in the week following Walling- 
 ford 's purchase, had fortunately gone up 
 nearly six cents. This check, and the accom- 
 panying statement of the transaction which 
 had brought it forth, Wallingford showed to 
 Ham Tinkle, quite incidentally, of course, and 
 Ham, in awe and enthusiasm, confided the five- 
 thousand-dollar winning to Hiram Hines, who 
 spread the report through Truscot County 
 
 350
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 that Judge Wallingford had already made fif- 
 teen thousand dollars in wheat since he had 
 come among them. The savings of an ordi- 
 nary lifetime! The amount was fifty thousand 
 when it reached Mapes County. Two weeks 
 later Messrs. Fox & Fleecer reported on the 
 second of Wallingford 's deals. Wheat sold at 
 ninety-four had dropped to eighty-eight. Luck 
 was distinctly with J. Eufus Wallingford. 
 
 "Why, oh, why, do cheap skates sell gold 
 bricks and good come-on men waste their tal- 
 ents on Broadway?" wailed Blackie Daw. 
 "But what's the joke, J. Rufus? I see your 
 luck, but where do the surrounding farmers get 
 in? Or where do you get in on the surround- 
 ing farmers? Show me. I'm an infant." 
 
 "You couldn't understand it, Blackie," said 
 J. Eufus with condescending kindness. "The 
 mere fact that you look on these pocket-change 
 winnings as real money lets you out. Wait till 
 I spring the big game. To-morrow night you 
 shall attend this winter's opening meeting of 
 the Philomathean Literary Society at the 
 Willow Creek schoolhouse, and observe the 
 methods of a real bread winner." 
 
 For the memorable occasion that he had 
 mentioned, Wallingford wore a fur-lined over- 
 coat and quadruple-woven blue silk sweater, 
 
 351
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 and, being welcomed with great acclaim, pro- 
 posed for debate that burning question: "Be- 
 solved: That the farmer is a failure as a busi- 
 ness man." 
 
 With much stamping and pawing of the air 
 that subject was thrashed out by Abe Johnson 
 and Dan Price for the affirmative, and Cal 
 "Whorley and Ed Wiggin for the negative. The 
 farmer as a gold-brick purchaser, as prey for 
 every class of tradesmen, as a producer who 
 received less net profit than any other from 
 the capital and labor invested, was presented 
 to himself by men who knew their own griev- 
 ances well, and the affirmative was carried al- 
 most unanimously. Flushed with pleasure, 
 beaming with gratification, the most advanced 
 farmer of them all arose in his place and re- 
 quested of the worthy chairman the privilege 
 to address the meeting, a privilege that was 
 granted with pleasure and delight. 
 
 It was an eventful moment when J. Bufus 
 Wallingford stalked up the middle aisle, passed 
 around the red-hot, cannon-ball stove and as- 
 cended the rostrum which had been the scene 
 of so many impassioned addresses; and, as he 
 turned to face them from that historic eleva- 
 tion, he seemed to fill the entire end of the 
 schoolroom, to blot out not only the teacher's 
 
 352
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 desk but the judges' seats, the blackboard and 
 the four-colored map of the United States that 
 hung upon the wall behind him. He was a 
 fine-looking man, a solid-looking man, a gentle- 
 man of wealth and culture, who, unspoiled by 
 good fortune, was still a brother to all men. 
 Already he had gained that enviable reputa- 
 tion among them. 
 
 Friends and neighbors and fellow-farmers, 
 it was startling to reflect that the agriculturist 
 was the only producer in all the world who 
 had no voice in the price which was put upon 
 his product ! The manufacturer turned out his 
 goods and set a price upon them and the con- 
 sumer had to pay that price. And how was 
 this done? By the throttling of competition. 
 And how had competition been throttled? By 
 consolidation of all the interests in any par- 
 ticular line of trade. Iron and steel were all 
 controlled by one mighty corporation against 
 which could stand no competitor except by suf- 
 ferance; petroleum and all its by-products 
 were in the hands of another, and each charged 
 what it liked. The farmer alone, after months 
 of weary, unending toil, of exposure in all sorts 
 of weather, of struggle against the whims of 
 nature and against an appalling list of pos- 
 sible disasters, himself hauled his output to 
 
 a3Wallingford 353
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 market and meekly accepted whatever was of- 
 fered him. Prices on every product of the soil 
 were dictated by a clique of gamblers who, in 
 all probability, had never seen wheat growing 
 nor cattle grazing. Friends and neighbors and 
 fellow-farmers, this woeful condition must end! 
 They must cooperate! Once compacted the 
 farmers could stand together as firm as a 
 rock, could demand a fair and reasonable and 
 just price for their output, and get it. To-day 
 wheat was quoted at ninety-four cents on the 
 Chicago Board of Trade. If the farmer, how- 
 ever, secured eighty-two at his delivery point 
 in actual cash he was doing well. There was 
 no reason why the farmers should not agree 
 to establish a standing price of a dollar 
 and a half a bushel for wheat; and that must 
 be their slogan. Wheat at a dollar and a 
 half! 
 
 He was vitally interested in this project, and 
 he was willing to spend his life and fortune for 
 it; and, in the furtherance of it, he invited his 
 friends and neighbors and fellow-farmers to 
 assemble at his house on the following Satur- 
 day night and discuss ways and means to bring 
 this enormous movement to a practical work- 
 ing basis. Incidentally he might find a bite 
 and a sup and a whiff of smoke to offer them. 
 
 354
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 All those who would attend would please riser 
 in their seats. 
 
 As one man they arose, and when J. Rufus 
 Wallingford, glowing with the immensity of 
 his noble project, stepped down from that plat- 
 form, the walls of the Willow Creek school- 
 house echoed and reechoed with the cheers which 
 followed his speech. 
 
 The Farmers* Commercial Association! 
 There had been farmers' affiliations without 
 number, with motives political, economical, 
 educational; alliances for the purchasing of 
 supplies at wholesale and for every other pur- 
 pose under the sun, but nothing like this, for, 
 to begin with, the Farmers' Commercial Asso- 
 ciation had no initiation fee and no dues, and 
 it had for its sole and only object the secur- 
 ing of a flat, uniform rate of a dollar and a 
 half a bushel for wheat. The first meeting, 
 attended by every able-bodied tiller of the soil 
 in Truscot County and some even from Mapes 
 County, was so large that there was no place 
 in the Wallingford homestead to house it, and 
 it had to be taken out to the great new barn, 
 where, in the spacious aisle between stalls and 
 mows, enthusiasm had plenty of room to soar to 
 the rafters. One feature had stilled all doubts: 
 J. Rufus Wallingford alone was to pay! 
 
 355
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 With a whoop the association was organized, 
 Judge Wallingford was made its president, 
 and with great enthusiasm was authorized to 
 go ahead and spend all of his own money that 
 he cared to lay out for the benefit of the asso- 
 ciation. Only one trifling duty was laid upon 
 the members. President Wallingford intro- 
 duced an endless chain letter. It was brief. It 
 was concise. It told in the fewest possible 
 words just why the Farmers' Commercial As- 
 sociation had been formed and what it was ex- 
 pected to do, laying especial stress upon the 
 fact that there were to be no initiation fees 
 and no dues, no money to be paid for any- 
 thing! All that the members were to do was 
 to join, and when enough were in, to demand 
 one dollar and a half for their wheat. It was 
 a glittering proposition, for there was no 
 trouble and no expense and no risk, with much 
 to gain. Every one of the ninety-odd who 
 gathered that night in Wallingford 's barn was 
 to write three or more of these letters to wheat- 
 growing acquaintances, and each recipient of 
 a letter was told that the only thing which need 
 be done to enroll himself as a member of the 
 order was to write three more such letters and 
 send in his name to Horatio Raven, Secretary. 
 
 Horatio Raven himself was there. There 
 
 356
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 was a barrel of good, hard cider on tap in the 
 barn, and every few minutes Mr. Raven could 
 be seen conducting one or two acquaintances 
 quietly over to the cellar, where there were 
 other things on tap. Cigars were passed 
 around, and the good cheer which was pro- 
 vided became so inextricably mingled with the 
 enthusiasm which had been aroused, that no 
 farmer could tell which was which. It only 
 sufficed that when they went away each one 
 was profoundly convinced that J. Rufus Wal- 
 lingford was the Moses who should lead the 
 farmers of America out of their financial 
 Wilderness. 
 
 During the next two or three days nearly 
 three hundred letters left Truscot and Mapes 
 counties, inviting nearly three hundred farm- 
 ers in the great wheat belt, extending from the 
 Rockies to the Appalachians, to take full sixty 
 per cent, more for their produce than the aver- 
 age price they had always been receiving, to 
 invite others to receive like benefits, and all to 
 accept this boon without money and without 
 price. It was personal solicitation from one 
 man to another who knew him, and the first 
 flood that went out reached every wheat-grow- 
 ing State in the Union. Within a week, names 
 and requests for further information began 
 
 357
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 pouring in upon Horatio Raven, Secretary, 
 and the card index drawers in the filing cab- 
 inet, originally bought in jest, became of actual 
 service. One, then two, then three girls were 
 installed. A pamphlet was printed explaining 
 the purpose of the Farmers' Commercial As- 
 sociation, and these were sent to all " mem- 
 bers," J. Eufus Wallingford furnishing both 
 the printing and the postage. 
 
 Through the long winter the president of 
 that great association was constantly upon the 
 road, always in his corduroy suit and his broad 
 felt hat, with his trousers tucked neatly into 
 his seal-leather boots. His range was from 
 Pennsylvania to Nebraska and from Minnesota 
 to Texas, and everywhere his destination was 
 some branch nucleus of the Farmers' Com- 
 mercial Association where meetings had been 
 arranged for him. Each night he addressed 
 some body of skeptical farmers who came won- 
 dering, who saw the impressive and instantly 
 convincing "Judge" Wallingford; who, listen- 
 ing, caught a touch of that magnetic thrill 
 with which he always imbued his auditors, and 
 who went away enthusiastic to carry to still 
 further reaches the great work that he had 
 planned. By the holiday season he had visited 
 a dozen States and had addressed nearly a 
 
 358
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 hundred sub-organizations. In each of these he 
 gave the chain letters a new start, and the De- 
 cember meeting of the central organization of 
 the Farmers' Commercial Association was also 
 a Christmas celebration in the barn of that 
 progressive and self-sacrificing and noble 
 farmer, J. Eufus Wallingford. 
 
 It was a huge "family affair," held two 
 nights before Christmas so as not to interfere 
 with the Baptist Church at Three Eoads or the 
 Presbyterian Church at Miller's Crossing, and 
 the great barn was trimmed with wreaths and 
 festoons of holly from floor to rafters. At one 
 end was a gigantic Christmas tree, from the 
 branches of which glowed a myriad of electric 
 lights and sparkled innumerable baubles of 
 vivid coloring and metallic luster. Handsome 
 presents had been provided for every man, 
 woman and child, and down the extent of the 
 wide center had been spread two enormous^ 
 long tables upon which was placed food enough 
 to feed a small army; huge turkeys and all 
 that went with them. At the head of the 
 ladies' table sat Mrs. Wallingford, glittering 
 in her diamonds, the first time she had worn 
 them since coming into this environment, and 
 at the head of the men's table, resplendent in 
 a dinner coat and with huge diamond studs 
 
 359
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 flashing from his wide, white shirt bosom, sat 
 the giver of all these bounties, Judge J. Rufus 
 Wallingford, president of the vast Farmers' 
 Commercial Association. He was flushed with 
 triumph, and he told them so at the proper 
 moment. Beyond his most sanguine hopes the 
 Farmers' Commercial Association had spread 
 and flourished in every State, nay, in every 
 community where wheat was grown, and the 
 time was rapidly approaching when the farmer, 
 now turned business man, would be able to get 
 the full value of his investment of money, time 
 and toil. Moreover, they would destroy the 
 birds of prey, feathers, bones and beaks, fledge- 
 lings, eggs and nests. 
 
 Around the table, at this point, Horatio 
 Eaven, Secretary, passed a sheaf of reports 
 upon the various successful deals that Wal- 
 lingford had made, each one showing a profit 
 of five thousand dollars on a ten-thousand-dol- 
 lar investment. The secret facts of the case 
 were that fortune had favored Wallingford 
 tremendously. By one of those strange runs 
 of luck which sometimes break the monotony 
 of persistent gambling disasters, he had won 
 not less than five out of every six of the con- 
 tinuous deals intrusted to Fox & Fleecer. The 
 failures he kept to himself, and Ham Tinkle 
 
 36Q
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 added to the furore that the proofs of this suc- 
 cess created by rising in his place and advis- 
 ing them how, upon Wallingford's certain and 
 sure advance information of the market, he 
 himself had been able to turn his modest little 
 two hundred dollars into seven hundred dur- 
 ing the past three months, with the profits still 
 piling up. 
 
 But J. Eufus Wallingford, resuming, saw 
 such profits vanishing in the future, for by the 
 aid of the Farmers' Commercial Association 
 he intended to wipe out the iniquitous grain 
 and produce exchange, and, in fact, all gam- 
 bling in food products throughout the United 
 States. The scope of the Farmers' Commer- 
 cial Association was much broader, much more 
 far-reaching than even he had imagined when 
 he at first conceived it. When they were ready 
 they would* not only establish a firm cash basis 
 for wheat, but they would wipe this festering 
 mass of corruption, called the Board of Trade, 
 off the face of the earth by the simple process 
 of taking all its money away from it. With 
 their certain knowledge of what the price of 
 wheat would be, when the time was ripe they 
 would go into the market and, themselves, by 
 their aggregate profits, would break every man 
 who was in the business of manipulating prices 
 
 361
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 on wheat, on oats and corn and live stock. 
 Why, nearly one million names were now en- 
 rolled in the membership of the association, 
 and to these million names circulars explain- 
 ing in detail the plans of the organization had 
 been mailed at a cost in postage alone of nearly 
 ten thousand dollars. This expense he had 
 cheerfully borne himself, in his devotion to 
 the great work of reformation. Not one penny 
 had been paid by any other member of the 
 organization for the furtherance of this proj- 
 ect. He had spent nearly twenty thousand 
 dollars in travel and other expenses, but the 
 market had paid for it, and he was not one 
 penny loser by his endeavors. Even if he 
 were, that would not stop him. He would sell 
 every government bond and every share of 
 industrial and railroad stock that he owned, 
 he would even mortgage his farm, if neces- 
 sary, to complete this organization and make 
 it the powerful and impregnable factor in 
 agricultural commerce that he had intended it 
 to be. It was his dream, his ambition, nay, 
 his determined purpose, to leave behind him 
 this vast organization as an evidence that his 
 life had not been spent in vain; and if he 
 could only see the wheat gamblers put out of 
 that nefarious business, and the farmers of 
 
 362
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 the United States coming, after all these toil- 
 ing generations, into their just and honest 
 dues, he would die with peace in his heart and 
 a smile upon his lips, even though he went to 
 a pauper's grave! 
 
 There were actual tears in his eyes as he 
 closed with these words, and his voice quivered. 
 From the foot of the table Blackie Daw was 
 watching with a curious smile that was almost 
 a sardonic grin. From the head of the parallel 
 table Mrs. Wallingford was watching him with 
 a pallor that deepened as he went on, but no 
 one noticed these significant indications, and as 
 J. Eufus Wallingford sat down a mighty cheer 
 went up that made every branch of the glitter- 
 ing Christmas tree dance and quiver. 
 
 He was a wonderful man, this Wallingford, a 
 genius, a martyr, a being made in his entirety 
 of the milk of human kindness and brotherly 
 love; but this rapidly growing organization that 
 he had formed was more wonderful still. They 
 could see as plain as print what it would do for 
 them; they could see even plainer than print 
 how, with the certain knowledge of the price to 
 which wheat would eventually rise, they could 
 safely dabble in fictitious wheat themselves, and 
 by their enormous aggregate winnings, obliter- 
 ate all boards of trade. It was a conception 
 
 363
 
 GET-EICH-QUICK 
 
 Titanic in its immensity, perfect in its detail, 
 amazing in its flawlessness, and not one among 
 them who listened but went home that night 
 J. Eufus Wallingford's seal-leather pocket- 
 book in his pocket, J. Eufus Wallingford's box 
 of lace handkerchiefs on his wife's lap, J. Eu- 
 fus Wallingford's daintily dressed French doll 
 in his little girl's arm, J. Eufus Wallingford's 
 toy engine in his little boy's hands but fore- 
 saw, not as in a dream but as in a concrete 
 reality that needed only to be clutched, the 
 future golden success of the Farmers' Commer- 
 cial Association; and on the forehead of that 
 success was emblazoned in letters of gold: 
 
 "$1.50 WHEAT!" 
 
 364
 
 CHAPTER XXIV 
 
 THE FARMERS' COMMERCIAL ASSOCIATION DOES TEB 
 RIFIC THINGS TO THE BOARD OF TRADE 
 
 THE holidays barely over, Wallingford 
 was upon the road again, and until the 
 first of May he spent his time organiz- 
 ing new branches, keeping the endless 
 chain letters booming and taking subscriptions 
 for his new journal, the Commercial Farmer, a 
 device by which he had solved the grave prob- 
 lem of postage. The Commercial Farmer was 
 issued every two weeks. It was printed on 
 four small pages of thin paper, and to make it 
 second-class postal matter a real subscription 
 price was charged five cents a year! For this 
 he paid postage of one cent a pound, and there 
 were eighty copies to the pound. He could con- 
 vey his semi-monthly message to a million people 
 at a cost of one hundred and twenty-five dollars, 
 as against the ten thousand dollars it would cost 
 him to mail a million letters with' a one-cent 
 stamp upon them. And five cents a year was 
 enough to pay expenses. On the first of May, 
 the enterprising promoter, who seriously as- 
 
 365
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 pired now to become a financial star of the first 
 magnitude, took a swift thousand-mile journey 
 to the offices of Fox & Fleecer, where Mr. Fox, 
 polishing, as always, at his glazed scalp, was 
 still intent upon that bland but perplexing 
 secret problem. Mr. Wallingford, as a prelim- 
 inary to conversation, drew his chair up to the 
 opposite side of the desk and laid upon it a 
 check book and a package of documents with 
 a rubber band around them. "Four hundred 
 and twenty-five thousand dollars in cash and 
 negotiable securities, " he stated, "and all to 
 buy September wheat." 
 
 Mr. Fox said nothing, but unconsciously his 
 palm went to the top of his head. 
 
 "The September option is at this moment 
 quoted at eighty-seven and one-eighth cents," 
 went on Mr. Wallingford. "Could it possibly 
 go lower than sixty-two?" 
 
 "It is the invariable rule of Fox & Fleecer," 
 said Mr. Fox slowly, "never to give advice nor 
 to predict any future performances of wheat. 
 Wheat can go to any price, up or down. I may 
 add, however, that it has been several years 
 since the September option has touched the low 
 level you name." 
 
 "Well, I'm going to bet this four hundred 
 and twenty-five thousand dollars that it don't 
 
 366
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 go as low as sixty-two," retorted Wallingford 
 stiffening. "I want you to take this wad and 
 invest it in September wheat right off the bat, 
 at the market, on a twenty-five cent margin, 
 which covers one million, seven hundred thou- 
 sand bushels." 
 
 Mr. Fox, his eyes hypnotically glued upon the 
 little stack of securities which represented four 
 hundred and twenty-five thousand dollars, and 
 a larger commission than his firm had ever in 
 all its existence received in one deal, filled his 
 lungs with a long, slow intake of air which he 
 strove to make as noiseless as possible. 
 
 "You must understand, Mr. Wallingford," 
 he finally observed, "that it will be impossible 
 to buy an approximate two million bushels of 
 the September option at this time without dis- 
 turbing the market and running up the price 
 on yourself, and it may take us a little time to 
 get this trade launched. Probably five hundred 
 thousand bushels can be placed at near the 
 market, and then we will have to wait until a 
 favorable moment to place another section. 
 Our Mr. Fleecer, however, is very skillful in 
 such matters and will no doubt get a good price 
 for you. ' ' 
 
 "I understand about that," said Walling- 
 ford, ' ' and I understand about the other end of 
 
 367
 
 GET-EICH-QTTICK 
 
 it, too. I want to turn this four hundred and 
 twenty-five thousand dollars into a clean mil- 
 lion or I don't want a cent. September wheat 
 will go to one dollar and a quarter." 
 
 Mr. Fox reserved his smile until Mr. Wal- 
 lingford should be gone. At present he only 
 polished his pate. 
 
 "That's when you would probably fall 
 down," continued Wallingford; "when Sep- 
 tember wheat reaches a dollar and a quarter. 
 If you try to throw this seventeen hundred 
 thousand bushels on the market you will break 
 the price, unless on the same day that you sell 
 it you can buy the same amount for somebody 
 else. Will that let you get the price without 
 dropping it off ten or fifteen cents?" 
 
 "Fox & Fleecer never predict," said Mr. Fox 
 slowly, "but in a general way I should say that 
 if we were to buy in as much as we sold, the 
 market would probably be strengthened rather 
 than depressed." 
 
 ' ' All right, ' ' said Wallingford. ' i Now I have 
 another little matter to present to you. ' ' From 
 his pocket he drew a copy of the Commercial 
 Farmer, the pages scarcely larger than a sheet 
 of business letter paper. "I want an adver- 
 tisement from you for the back page of this. 
 Just a mere card, with your name and address 
 
 368
 
 A LARGER COMMISSION THAN Fox AND FLEECER HAD EVER 
 RECEIVED IN ONE DEAL
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 and the fact that you have been in business at 
 the same location for thirty years; and at the 
 bottom I want to put: 'We handle all the 
 wheat transactions of J. Rufus Wallingf ord. ' 
 
 Of course in a matter so trifling Mr. Fox 
 could not refuse so good a customer, and J. 
 Rufus departed, well satisfied, to work and 
 wait while Nature helped his plans. 
 
 Across a thousand miles of fertile land the 
 spring rains fell and the life-giving sun shone 
 down; from the warm earth sprang up green 
 blades and tall shoots that through their hol- 
 low stems sucked the life of the soil, and by a 
 transformation more wonderful than ever con- 
 ceived by any magician, upon the stalks there 
 swelled heads of grain that nodded and yel- 
 lowed and ripened with the advancing summer. 
 From the windows of Pullman cars, as he rode 
 hither and yonder throughout this rich terri- 
 tory in the utmost luxury that travelers may 
 have, J. Rufus Wallingford, the great liberator 
 of farmers, watched all this magic of the Al- 
 mighty with but the one thought of what it 
 might mean to him. Back on the Wallingford 
 farm, Blackie Daw and his staff of assistants, 
 now half-a-dozen girls, kept up an ever-increas- 
 ing correspondence. Ham Tinkle was jealous 
 of the very night that hid his handiwork for 
 
 94 Wallingford 369
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 a space out of each twenty-four hours, and be- 
 grudged the time that he spent in sleep. Dur- 
 ing every waking moment, almost, he was 
 abroad in his fields, and led his neighbors, when 
 he could, to see his triumph, for never had the 
 old Spicer farm brought forth such a yield, and 
 nowhere in Truscot County or in Mapes County 
 could such fields be shown. Upon these broad 
 acres the wheat was thicker and sturdier, the 
 heads longer and larger and fuller of fine, fat 
 grain than anywhere in all the region round. 
 
 The Farmers' Commercial Association, a 
 "combination in restraint of trade" which was 
 well protected by the fear-inspiring farmer 
 vote, met monthly, and Wallingford ran in to 
 the meetings as often as he could, though there 
 was no need to sustain their enthusiasm ; for not 
 only was the plan one of such tremendous scope 
 as to compel admiration, but Nature and cir- 
 cumstances both were kind. There came the 
 usual early rumors of a drought in Kansas, of 
 over-much rotting rain in the Dakotas, of the 
 green bug in Oklahoma, of foreign wars and 
 domestic disturbances, and these things were 
 good for the price of wheat, as they were exag- 
 gerated upon the floors of the great boards of 
 trade in Chicago and New York. Through 
 these causes alone September wheat climbed 
 
 370
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 from eighty-seven to ninety, to ninety-five, to a 
 dollar, to a dollar-five; but in the latter part of 
 July there came a new and an unexpected fac- 
 tor. Dollar-and-a-half wheat had been the 
 continuous slogan of the Farmers' Commercial 
 Association, and every issue of the Commercial 
 Farmer had dwelt upon the glorious day when 
 that should be made the standard price. Now, 
 in the mid-July issue, the idea was driven home 
 and the entire first page was given up to a 
 great, flaming advertisement: 
 
 HOLD YOUE WHEAT! 
 SEPTEMBER WHEAT WILL GO TO 
 
 $1.50! 
 DON'T SELL A BUSHEL OF IT FOE LESS! 
 
 The result was widespread and instantaneous. 
 In Oklahoma a small farmer drove up to the 
 elevator and asked: 
 
 11 What's wheat worth to-day?" 
 
 "A dollar, even," was the answer. 
 
 "This is all you get from me at that price," 
 said the farmer, "and you wouldn't get this if 
 I didn't need fifty dollars to-day. Take it in." 
 
 "Think wheat's going higher?" asked the 
 buyer. 
 
 "Higher! It's going to a dollar and a half," 
 boasted the farmer. "I got twelve hundred 
 
 371
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 bushels at home, and nobody gets it for a cent 
 less than eighteen hundred dollars. ' ' 
 
 "You'd better see a doctor before you drive 
 back," advised the elevator man, laughing. 
 
 Over in Kansas at one of the big collecting 
 centers the telephone bell rang. 
 
 "What's cash wheat worth to-day?" 
 
 " Dollar-one." 
 
 "A dollar-one! I'll hold mine a while." 
 
 ' ' Better take this price while you can get it, ' ' 
 advised the shipper. "Big crop this year." 
 
 "A dollar and a half's the price," responded 
 the farmer on the other end of the wire. 
 
 "Who is this?" asked the shipper. 
 
 " J. W. Harkness." 
 
 The man rubbed his chin. Harkness owned 
 five hundred acres of the best wheat land in 
 Kansas. 
 
 In South Dakota, on the same day, two farm- 
 ers who had brought in their wheat drove home 
 with it, refusing the price offered with scorn. 
 In Pennsylvania not one-tenth of the grain was 
 delivered as on the same date a year before, 
 and the crop was much larger. In Ohio, in 
 Indiana, in Illinois, in Iowa, in Nebraska, all 
 through the wheat belt began these significant 
 incidents, and to brokers in Chicago and New 
 York were wired startling reports from a hun- 
 
 372
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 dred centers : farmers were delivering no wheat 
 and were holding out for a dollar and a half ! 
 
 "You can scare the entire Board of Trade 
 black in the face with a Hallowe'en pumpkin," 
 Wallingford had declared to Blackie Daw. 
 "Say 'Boo!' and they drop dead. Step on a 
 parlor match and every trader jumps straight 
 up into the gallery. Four snowflakes make a 
 blizzard, and a frost on State Street kills all 
 the crops in Texas." 
 
 Results seemed to justify his summing up. 
 On that day wheat jumped ten cents within the 
 last hour before closing, and ten thousand small 
 speculators who had been bearing the market, 
 since they could see no good reason for the al- 
 ready high price, were wiped out before they 
 had a chance to protect their margins. On the 
 following day a special edition of the Com- 
 mercial Farmer was issued. It exulted, it 
 gloated, it fairly shrieked over the triumph 
 that had already been accomplished by the 
 Farmers' Commercial Association. The first 
 minute that it had shown its teeth it had made 
 for the farmers of the United States ten cents 
 a bushel on four hundred million bushels of 
 wheat ! It had made for them in one hour forty 
 million dollars net profit, and this was but the 
 beginning. The farmers themselves, by stand- 
 
 373
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 ing together, had already raised the price of 
 wheat to a dollar-fifteen, and dollar-and-a-half 
 wheat was but a matter of a few days. On the 
 boards of trade it would go even higher. There 
 would be no stopping it. It would soar to a 
 dollar and a half, to a dollar-seventy-five, to 
 two dollars! Speculation was a thing ordi- 
 narily to be discouraged, yet under these cir- 
 cumstances the farmers themselves should reap 
 the wealth that was now ripe. They should 
 take out of "Wall Street" and La Salle Street 
 their share of the money that these iniquitous 
 centers of financial jugglery had taken from 
 the agricultural interests of the country for 
 these many years. They themselves knew now, 
 by the events of one day, that the Farmers' 
 Commercial Association was strong enough to 
 accomplish what it had meant to accomplish, 
 and now was the time to get into the market. 
 It should be not only the pleasure and profit of 
 every farmer, but the duty of every farmer, 
 to hit the gamblers a fatal blow by investing 
 every loose dollar, on safe and conservative 
 margins, in this certain advance of wheat. On 
 the last page of this issue of the Commercial 
 Farmer appeared for the first time the ad- 
 vertisement of Fox & Fleecer, and copies went 
 to a million wheat growers. 
 
 374
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 The response was many-phased. Farmers 
 who were convinced of this logic, and those who 
 were not, rushed their wheat to market at the 
 then prevailing price, not waiting for the dol- 
 lar and a half, but turning their produce into 
 cash at once. To offset this sudden release of 
 grain, buying orders poured into the markets, 
 the same cash that had been received from the 
 sale of actual wheat being put into margins 
 upon fictitious wheat. Prices fluctuated in 
 leaps of five and ten cents, and the pit went 
 crazy. It was a seething, howling mob, tossing 
 frenzied trades back and forth until faces were 
 red and voices were hoarse ; and the firm of Fox 
 & Fleecer, long noted for its conservative deal- 
 ing and almost passed by in the course of 
 events, suddenly became the most important 
 factor on the floor. 
 
 On the ticker that on the first of May he had 
 installed in his now mortgaged house upon his 
 mortgaged farm, "Wallingford saw the price 
 mount to a dollar and a quarter, drop to a dol- 
 lar-eighteen, jump to a dollar-twenty-two, back 
 to twenty, up to twenty-five, back to twenty- 
 two, up to twenty-eight. This last quotation 
 he came back into the room to see after he had 
 on his hat and ulster, and while his automobile, 
 carrying Blackie Daw and Mrs. Wallingford, 
 
 375
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 was spluttering and quivering at the door. 
 Then he started for Chicago, leaving his neigh- 
 bors back home to keep his telephone in a con- 
 tinuous jingle. 
 
 Hiram Hines met Len Miller in the road, for 
 example. Both were beaming. 
 
 " What's the latest about wheat?" asked 
 Len. 
 
 "A dollar twenty-eight and seven-eighths," 
 replied Hiram; "at least it was about an hour 
 ago when I telephoned to Judge Wallingford's 
 house. Suppose its climbing for a dollar-thirty 
 by now. How much you got, Len?" 
 
 "Twenty thousand bushels," answered Len 
 jubilantly. "Bought it at a dollar twenty-four 
 on a five-cent margin, and got that much profits 
 already, nearly. Raised a thousand dollars on 
 my sixty acres and have made nearly a thou- 
 sand on it in two weeks; with Judge Walling- 
 ford's own brokers, too." 
 
 "So's mine," exulted Hiram. "Paid a dol- 
 lar-twenty-six, but I'm satisfied. When it 
 reaches a dollar-forty I'll quit." 
 
 Ezekiel Tinkle walked six miles to see his 
 son Ham at the Wallingford place. 
 
 "Jonas Whetmore's bragging about two 
 thousand dollars he's made in a few days in 
 this wheat business," he stated. "I don't 
 
 376
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 rightly understand it, Hamlet. How about itf 
 I don't believe in speculating, but Jonas says 
 this ain't speculating, and if there's such a lot 
 of money to be made I want some. ' ' 
 
 "We all do," laughed Ham Tinkle, who, 
 since he had "made good" with his new- 
 fangled farming, was accepted as an equal by 
 his father. ' ' I had two hundred when I started. 
 It's a thousand now, and will be five thousand 
 before I quit. Bring your money to me, father, 
 and I'll show you how to get in on the profits. 
 But hurry. How much can you spare?" 
 
 "Well," figured Ezekiel, "there's that fif- 
 teen hundred I've saved up for Bobbie's school- 
 ing; then when I sell my wheat " 
 
 "Don't do that!" interposed his son quickly. 
 "Wheat is going up so rapidly because the 
 growers are holding it for a dollar and a half. 
 Every man who sells his now, weakens the price 
 that much." 
 
 "Is that the way of it!" exclaimed the old 
 man, enlightened at last, and he kicked re- 
 flectively at a piece of turf. "To make money 
 out of this all the farmers must hold their wheat 
 for a dollar and a half! Say, Hamlet; Charlie 
 Granice sold his wheat at a dollar-six to go into 
 this thing. Adam Spooner and Burt Powers 
 and Charlie Dor sett all sold theirs, and they're 
 
 377
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 all members of this association. Ham, I'm 
 going right home to sell my wheat. ' ' 
 
 "They are traitors!" charged Hamlet an- 
 grily. "I won't send that money away for 
 you. ' ' 
 
 ' ' Send it away ! ' ' retorted the old man. ' ' Not 
 by a danged sight you won't! I'll sell my 
 wheat right now while it's high, and put my 
 money in the bank along with the fifteen hun- 
 dred I've got there; and you go ahead and be 
 your own fool. I know advice from your old 
 daddy won't stop you." 
 
 Not many, however, were like old man Tinkle, 
 and J. Eufus Wallingford, as he sped toward 
 Chicago, was more self-congratulatory than he 
 had ever been in all his life. A million dollars! 
 A real million! Why, dignity could now attach 
 to the same sort of dealing that had made him 
 forever avoid the cities where he had "done 
 business." Heretofore his operations had been 
 on such a small scale that they could be called 
 "common grafting," but now, with a larger 
 scope, they would be termed "shrewd finan- 
 ciering." It was entirely a matter of proportion. 
 A million ! Well, he deserved a million, and the 
 other millions that would follow. Didn't he look 
 the part? Didn't he act it? Didn't he live it? 
 
 * ' Me for the big game ! " he exulted. ' l Watch 
 
 378
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 me take my little old cast-iron dollars into Wall 
 Street and keep six corporations rotating in 
 the air at one and the same time. Who's the 
 real Napoleon of Finance? Me; Judge Wal- 
 lingford, Esquire!" 
 
 "Pull the safety-rope and let out a little gas, 
 J. Rufus," advised Blackie Daw dryly. "Your 
 balloon will rip a seam. The boys on Wall 
 Street were born with their eye-teeth cut, 
 and eat marks like you before breakfast for 
 appetizers. ' ' 
 
 J. Rufus only laughed. 
 
 "They'd be going some," he declared. 
 "Any wise Willie who can make a million 
 farmers jump in to help him up into the class 
 of purely legitimate theft, like railroad merg- 
 ers and industrial holding companies, ought to 
 be able to stay there. The manipulator that 
 swallows me will have a horrible stomachache. ' ' 
 
 Mrs. Wallingford had listened with a puzzled 
 expression. 
 
 "But I don't understand it, Jim," she said. 
 "I can see why you got the farmers together 
 to raise the price of wheat. It does them good 
 as well as you. But why have you worked so 
 hard to make them speculate?" 
 
 J. Rufus looked at her with an amused ex- 
 pression. 
 
 379
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "My dear infant," he observed; "when Fox 
 & Fleecer got ready to sell my near-two-million 
 bushels of wheat this morning, somebody had to 
 be ready to buy them. I provided the buyers. 
 That's all." 
 
 "Oh!" exclaimed Mrs. Wallingford, and 
 pondered the matter slowly. "I see. But, Jim! 
 Mr. Hines, Mr. Evans, Mr. Whetmore, Mr. 
 Granice, and the others to whom do they sell 
 after they have bought your wheat?" 
 
 "The sheriff," interposed Blackie with a 
 grin. 
 
 "Not necessarily," Wallingford hastened to 
 contradict him in answer to the troubled frown 
 upon his wife's brow. "My deal don't disturb 
 the market, and I expect wheat to go on up to 
 at least a dollar and a half. If these farmers 
 get out on the way up they make money. But 
 the boobs who buy from them " 
 
 "Ain't it funny?" inquired Blackie plain- 
 tively. "There's always a herd of 'em just 
 crazy eager to grab the hot end." 
 
 A boy came on the train with evening papers 
 containing the closing market quotations. 
 Wheat had touched thirty-four, but a quick 
 break had come at the close, back to twenty- 
 six! Another column told why. Every cent of 
 advance in the actual grain had brought out 
 
 380
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 cash wheat in floods. Members of the great 
 Farmers' Commercial Association had hurried 
 their holdings to market, trusting to the great 
 body of the loosely bound organizations to keep 
 up the price and the great body of the organi- 
 zation was doing precisely the same thing. At 
 bottom they had, in fact, small faith in it, and 
 the Board of Trade, sensitive as a barometer, 
 was quick to feel this psychological change 
 in the situation. Wallingford said nothing of 
 this to his wife. He had begun to fear her. 
 Always she had set herself against actual dis- 
 honesty, and more so than ever of late as he 
 had begun to pride himself upon being a great 
 financier. In the smoking compartment, how- 
 ever, he handed the paper to Blackie Daw, with 
 his thumb upon the quotations. 
 
 " There's the answer, " he said. "The Rubes 
 have cut their own throats, as I figured they 
 would, and you'll see wheat tumble to lower 
 than it was when this raise began. Hines and 
 Evans and Granice and the rest of them will 
 hold the bag on this deal, and they needn't 
 blame it to me. They can only blame it to the 
 fact that farmers won't stick. I'm lucky that 
 they hung together long enough to reach my 
 price of a dollar and a quarter." 
 
 "How do you know you got out?" asked 
 
 381
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 Blackie, passing over as a matter of no moment 
 whatever the fact that all their neighbors of 
 Truscot and Mapes Counties, who had followed 
 "Judge" Wallingford's lead and urging in 
 the matter of speculation, would lose their 
 all; as would hundreds if not thousands 
 of other "members" who had been led 
 through the deftly worded columns of the 
 Commercial Farmer to gamble in their own 
 grain. 
 
 "Easy," explained J. Eufus. "The quota- 
 tions themselves tell it. Fox & Fleecer had in- 
 structions to unload at a dollar twenty-five, 
 and they follow such instructions absolutely. 
 They began unloading at that price, buying in 
 at the same time for my farmers, and, in spite 
 of the fact that they were pitching nearly two 
 million bushels of wheat on the market after 
 it hit the twenty-five mark, it went on up to 
 thirty-four before it broke, showing that the 
 buying orders until that time were in excess of 
 selling orders. The farmers throughout the 
 country simply ate up my two million bushels 
 of wheat." 
 
 "Then it's their money you got, after all," 
 observed Blackie. 
 
 "It's mine now," responded J. Rufus with 
 a chuckle. "I saw it first." 
 
 382
 
 CHAPTER XXV 
 
 ME. FOX SOLVES HIS GREAT PROBLEM, AND MR. 
 WALLINGFORD FALLS WITH A THUD 
 
 THEY arrived in Chicago late and they 
 arose late. At breakfast, with lan- 
 guid interest, Wallingford picked up 
 the paper that lay beside his plate, 
 and the first item upon which his eyes rested 
 was a sensational article headed: "BROKER 
 SUICIDES." Even then he was scarcely in- 
 terested until his eye caught the name of Ed- 
 win H. Fox. 
 
 "What is the matter?" asked his wife anx- 
 iously, as, with a startled exclamation, he 
 hastily pushed back his chair and arose. It 
 was the first time that she had ever in any 
 emergency seen his florid face turn ghastly 
 pale. Dilemmas, reverses and even absolute 
 defeats he had always accepted with a gam- 
 bler's coolness, but now, since his vanity had 
 let him dignify his pursuit of other people's 
 money by the name of financiering, the blow 
 came with crushing force; for it maimed not 
 only his pocketbook but his pride as it swept 
 
 333
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 away the glittering air castles that he had been 
 building for the past year. 
 
 "Matter!" he spluttered, half choking. "We 
 are broke!" And leaving his breakfast un- 
 tasted he hastily ordered a cab and drove to 
 the office of Fox & Fleecer, devouring the de- 
 tails of the tragedy as he went. The philan- 
 thropic Mr. Fox, he of the glistening bald 
 pate and the air of cold probity, the man who 
 had been for thirty years in business at the 
 old stand, who had seemed as firm as a rock 
 and as unsusceptible as a quart of dams, had 
 been leading not only a double but a sextuple 
 life, for half a dozen pseudo-widows mourned 
 his demise and the loss of a generous banker. 
 To support all these expensive establishments, 
 which, once set up, firmly declined to ever go 
 out of existence, Mr. Fox had been juggling 
 with the money of his customers; robbing 
 Peter to pay Paul, until the time had come 
 when Paul could be no longer paid and there 
 was only one debt left that he could by any 
 possibility wipe out the debt he owed to Na- 
 ture. That he had paid with a forty-four cal- 
 iber bullet through the temple. At last he 
 had solved that perplexing problem which had 
 bothered him all these years. 
 
 Wallingford had expected to find the office 
 
 384
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 of Fox & Fleecer closed, but the door stood 
 wide open and the dingy apartment was filled 
 with a crowd of men, all equally nervous but 
 violently contrasted as to complexion, some of 
 them being extremely pale and some extremely 
 flushed, according to their temperaments. Mr. 
 Fleecer, one of those strangest of all anom- 
 alies, a nervous fat man, stood behind Mr. 
 Fox's desk, his collar wilted with perspiration 
 and the flabby pouches under his eyes black 
 from his vigil of the night. He was almost as 
 large as Wallingford himself, but a careless 
 dresser, and a pitiable object as he started 
 back on hearing Wallingford 's name, tossing 
 up his right hand with a curious involuntary 
 motion as if to ward off a blow. His crisp, 
 quick voice, however, did not fit at all with his 
 appearance of crushed indecision. 
 
 "I might as well tell you the blunt truth at 
 first, Mr. Wallingford," he said. "You haven't 
 a cent, so far as Fox & Fleecer is concerned. 
 Nobody has. I haven't a dollar in the world 
 and Fox was head over heels in debt, I find. 
 How that sanctimonious old hypocrite ever 
 got away with it all these years is the limit. 
 I looked after the buying and selling orders as 
 he gave them to me, and never had anything 
 to do with the books. I never knew when a 
 
 385
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 deal was in the office until I received market 
 orders. I have spent all night on Fox's pri- 
 vate accounts, however, and since yours was 
 the largest item, I naturally went into it as 
 deeply as I could. If they had telephones in 
 Hell I could give you more accurate informa- 
 tion, but the way I figure it is this: when he 
 got hold of your four hundred and twenty-five 
 thousand dollars with instructions to buy and 
 not to close until it reached a dollar and a 
 quarter, he evidently classed your proposition 
 as absurd. There was absolutely nothing to 
 make wheat go to that price, and, with the big 
 margin you had put up, he figured that the ac- 
 count would drag along at least until Septem- 
 ber, without being touched; so he used what 
 he had to have of the money to cover up his 
 other steals, expecting to juggle the market 
 with the rest of it on his own judgment, and 
 expecting, in the end, to have it back to hand 
 to you when you got tired. When he under- 
 stood this upward movement, however, and saw 
 the big thing you had done, he jumped into 
 the market with what was left, something less 
 than Ihree hundred thousand dollars. The 
 only way to make that up to the amount you 
 should have by the time it reached a dollar and 
 a quarter was to pyramid it, and this he did. 
 
 386
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 He bought on short margin, closed when he 
 had a good profit, and spread the total amount 
 over other short margin purchases. He did 
 this three times. On the last deal he had up- 
 ward of five million bushels bought to your 
 account, and it was this strong buying, coupled 
 with the other buying orders which came in at 
 about the dollar-and-a-quarter mark, that sent 
 the market up to a dollar thirty-four. If the 
 market could have held half an hour he would 
 have gotten out all right and turned over to 
 you a million dollars, after using two hundred 
 and fifty thousand for his own purposes, but 
 when he attempted to unload the market broke ; 
 and by we're all broke!" 
 
 Mr. Wallingford laughed, quite mechanic- 
 ally, and from his pocket drew two huge black 
 cigars with gold bands around them. 
 
 "Have a smoke," he said to Mr. Fleecer. 
 
 Lighting his own Havana he turned and el- 
 bowed his way out of the room. One of the 
 men who had stood near him exchanged a 
 wondering stare with his neighbor. 
 
 "That's the limit of gameness," he observed. 
 
 But he was mistaken. It was not gameness. 
 Wallingford was merely dazed. He could find 
 no words to express the bitter depth to which 
 he had fallen. As he passed out through the 
 
 387
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 ticker-room he glanced at the blackboard. The 
 boy was just chalking up the latest morning 
 quotation on September wheat a dollar twelve. 
 
 In the cab he opened his pocketbook and 
 counted the money in it. Before he had started 
 on this trip he had scarcely thought of money ? 
 except that at Fox & Fleecer's there would be 
 waiting for him a cool, clean million. Instead 
 of that he found himself with exactly fifty-four 
 dollars. 
 
 Mrs. Wallingford was in her room, pale to 
 the lips. 
 
 "How much money have you!" he asked her. 
 
 Without a word she handed him her purse. 
 A few small bills were in it. She handed him 
 another small black leather case which he took 
 slowly. He opened it, and from the velvet 
 depths there gleamed up at him the old 
 standby her diamonds. He could get a couple 
 of thousand dollars on these at any time. He 
 put the case in his pocket, but without any 
 gleam of satisfaction, and sat down heavily in 
 one of the huge leather-padded chairs. 
 
 " Fanny, " said he savagely, "never preach 
 to me again ! I have tried a straight-out legiti- 
 mate deal and it dumped me. Hereafter, be 
 satisfied with whatever way I make money, 
 just so long as I have the law on my side. 
 
 388
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Why," and his indignation over this last re- 
 flection was beyond expression, "I've coaxed 
 a carload of money out of the farmers of this 
 country, and I don't get away with a cent of 
 it! A thief got it! A thief and a grafter!" 
 
 Mrs. Wallingford did not answer him. She 
 was crying. It was not so much that they had 
 lost all of this money, it was not that he had 
 spoken harshly to her for almost the first time 
 since he had come into her life, but the shat- 
 tering once more of certain hopeful dreams 
 that had grown up within her since their so- 
 journ in Battlesburg. Of course, he was in- 
 stantly regretful and made such clumsy amends 
 as he could, but the sting, not of bitterness but 
 of sorrow, was there, and it remained for long 
 after; until, in fact, she came to realize how 
 much to heart her husband had taken his only 
 real defeat. For the first time in his life he 
 became despondent. The height to which he 
 had aspired and had almost reached, looked 
 now so utterly unattainable that the contem- 
 plation of it took out of him all ambition, all 
 initiative, all life. He seemed to have lost his 
 creative faculty. Where his fertile brain had 
 heretofore teemed with plans and projects, 
 crowding upon each other, clamoring for ful- 
 filment, now he seemed incapable of thought, 
 
 389
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 and fell into an apathy from which he could 
 not arouse himself no matter how hard he 
 tried. Parting company with Blackie Daw, 
 who seemed equally rudderless, they moved 
 aimlessly about from city to city, pawning 
 Mrs. Wallingford's diamonds as they needed 
 the money, but the man's spirit was gone, and 
 no matter how often he changed his environ- 
 ment or brought himself into contact with 
 new fields and new opportunities, no plan for 
 getting back upon his feet seemed to offer it- 
 self. He was too much disheartened, in fact, 
 even to try. To husband their fast waning 
 resources they even descended to living in 
 boarding houses, where the brief gratification 
 exciting awe among the less impressive 
 
 arders was but small compensation for the 
 loss of the luxury to which they had been 
 used. 
 
 It was the sight of a miserable dinner in one 
 of these boarding houses that proved the turn- 
 ing point for him. His chair was drawn back 
 from the table for him when he suddenly 
 shoved it to its place again, and with a dark- 
 ening brow stalked out of the dining room, fol- 
 lowed by the bewildered Mrs. Wallingford. 
 
 "I can't stand this thing, Fanny," he 
 declared. "I've insulted my stomach with 
 
 390
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 that sort of fodder until it's too late for an 
 apology. ' ' 
 
 "What are you going to do?" she asked in 
 concern. 
 
 "Go where the good steaks grow," he an- 
 swered emphatically. "We're going to pack 
 up and move to the best hotel in town and eat 
 ourselves blue in the face, and to-morrow J. 
 Rufus is going to go back on the job. I haven't 
 the money in my pocket to pay for it, and we 
 haven't another thing we can soak, but if I 
 run up a hotel bill I'll have to get out and dig 
 to pay it, and that's what I need. I'm lazy." 
 
 It was a positive elation to him to dash up 
 in a cab to a palatial hotel, to walk into its 
 gilded and marble corridors with a deferential 
 porter carrying his luggage, to loom up be- 
 fore a suave clerk in his impressive immensity 
 and sign his name with a flourish, to demand 
 the best accommodations they had in the house 
 and to be shown into apartments that bathed 
 him once more in a garish atmosphere where 
 everything tasted and felt and smelled of 
 money. It was like the prodigal son coming 
 home again, and instantly his spirits arose with 
 a bound. He began as of old to live like a 
 lord, and though the long sought idea did not 
 come to him for almost two weeks, he held to 
 
 391
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 the untroubled tenor of his way with all his 
 old arrogance, blessed with a cheerful belief 
 that some lucky solution of his difficulties 
 would be found. 
 
 One thing alone bothered him toward the 
 last, and that was the rapid disappearance of 
 such little ready money as he needed for tips 
 when he was in the hotel, and for drinks and 
 cigars when he found himself away from it. 
 He was sensitive about ordering inferior goods 
 in good places, and when away from his source 
 of credit supplies, took to turning in at ob- 
 scure cigar stores, preferring to buy the best 
 they had rather than to taking a second grade 
 in a better place. It was in one of these ob- 
 scure little establishments that the elusive in- 
 spiration at last came to him. 
 
 "The government is rotten!" the stoop- 
 shouldered cigar maker had complained just a 
 moment before, rasping the air of his dingy 
 little store with a high-pitched voice that 
 was almost a whine. "It fosters consoli- 
 dations. Big profits for rich men and bank- 
 ruptcy for poor men, that's what we have 
 come to ! ' ' 
 
 The stoop-shouldered cigar maker had no 
 chin worth mentioning, and grew a thin, down- 
 pointed mustache which accentuated that lack. 
 
 392
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 He wore a green eye-shade and an apron of 
 bed ticking, and he held in his hand a split 
 mold, gripping the two parts together while 
 he feebly and hopelessly groped for an inspi- 
 ration in the mending line. The flabby man in 
 the greasy vest, who was playing solitaire with 
 a pack of cards so grimy that it took an ex- 
 perienced eye to tell whether the backs or the 
 faces were up, did not raise his head, nor did 
 the apathetic young man with the chronic dent 
 in his time-yellowed Derby, who, sitting mo- 
 tionless with his crossed arms resting on his 
 knees, had been making a business of watch- 
 ing the solitaire game in silence. 
 
 "That's right," agreed the flabby man, lay- 
 ing the trey of diamonds carefully upon the 
 four of clubs and peeping to see what the next 
 card would have been; "all the laws are 
 against the poor man, and we're ground right 
 down. ' ' 
 
 A pimple-faced youngster, clearly below the 
 legal age, came in and bought two cigarettes 
 for a cent, and the cigar maker waited upon 
 him in sour-visaged nonchalance; neither the 
 solitaire expert nor his interested watcher 
 raised his eyes; a young man with a flashy 
 tie and a soiled collar bought three stogies for 
 a nickel and still apathy reigned; then Wal- 
 
 393
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 lingford's huge bulk darkened the open door- 
 way and everybody woke up. 
 
 Wallingford was so large that he seemed to 
 crowd the little shop and absorb all its light, 
 and he approached the cigar case doubtingly, 
 surveying its contents with the eye of a con- 
 noisseur. A brand or two that he knew quite 
 well he passed over, for the boxes were nearly 
 empty and no doubt had been reeking for a 
 long time in that sponge-moistened assort- 
 ment of flavors, but finally he settled upon a 
 newly opened box from which but two cigars 
 had been sold, and tapped his finger on the 
 glass above it. The cigar maker reached in 
 for that box with alacrity, for they were two- 
 for-a-quarter goods, and as he brought them 
 forth he gave to the buyer the appreciative 
 scrutiny due one of so impressive appearance. 
 He did not know that under his inspection the 
 big man winced. In the fine scarf there should 
 have glowed a huge diamond; the scarf itself 
 had two or three frayed threads; the binding 
 of the hat brim was somewhat worn; the cuffs 
 were a little ragged. Wallingford felt that all 
 the world saw this unwonted condition, but still 
 he smiled richly; and the cigar dealer saw 
 only richness. Probably the imposing cus- 
 tomer would have left the store in the same 
 
 394
 
 WALLINGFOKD 
 
 silence in which he had made his purchase, but, 
 as he stopped to fastidiously cut the tip from 
 one of his cigars, an undersized but pompous 
 young collector bustled in and threw down a 
 bill. 
 
 "Hundred Blue Rings," he announced curtly. 
 
 With a mechanical curiosity, Wallingford 
 glanced into the case where a box of cigars 
 with cheap blue bands was displayed. The 
 cigar maker opened his money drawer and 
 slowly counted out a pile of small silver. 
 
 "Three fifty," he lifelessly whined as he 
 shoved it over, and the collector receipted the 
 bill, dashing out with the same absurd self- 
 assertiveness with which he had come in. 
 
 "Thirty-five a thousand," observed Wal- 
 lingford incredulously. "That price is claimed 
 for every nickel cigar on earth, but I always 
 thought it was phoney. It's a stiff rate, isn't 
 it?" 
 
 "It's a hold up," snarled the other, "but I 
 got to keep 'em. I make a better cigar my- 
 self but people don't know anything about 
 tobacco. They only smoke advertising. Here's 
 my cigar," and he set a box on the case; "Ed 
 Nickel's Nickelfine. There's a piece of real 
 goods." 
 
 The big man picked one out of the box, and 
 
 395
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 twirled it in his deft fingers with a scrutiny 
 that betokened keen judgment of all small 
 articles of manufacture. 
 
 "It's well made," he admitted; "but what's 
 the use? I could deliver your week's output 
 in my pocket, and on the way back could 
 spend the money getting my shoes shined; 
 all because you haven't the wherewith to 
 advertise." 
 
 "I got a little money," insisted the other 
 aggressively, touched on a point of pride; 
 "money I saved and pinched and scraped to- 
 gether; but it ain't enough to push a cigar. 
 Some of these big manufacturers spread 
 around a fortune on a new brand before they 
 sell a single box. There's John Crewly & 
 Company. They spent a hundred thousand 
 dollars advertising Blue Kings." 
 
 "And you small dealers have handed it 
 back to them," laughed Wallingford. "You 
 pay that advertising difference above what 
 the cigar is worth." 
 
 "Ten times over!" exploded Mr. Nickel. 
 "The houses that buy in big quantities get 
 them for below twenty-eight, I've heard. But 
 that's where the government is rotten! It's 
 fixed so the little man always gets it in the 
 neck. Combines and trusts eat us up. Every 
 
 396
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 man that joins a consolidation ought to get 
 ten years at hard labor." 
 
 " Don't grouch," advised Wallingford, grin- 
 ning; ''consolidate. If all the small dealers 
 in this town formed a consolidation, they could 
 buy their supplies in quantity for spot cash 
 and get the lowest price going." 
 
 Ed Nickel looked out of the window at the 
 clanging street cars and digested this palat- 
 able new idea. 
 
 "I reckon they could," he mused, "if there 
 was any way to work it so they wouldn't all 
 spike each other trying to get the best of it," 
 and J. Rufus chuckled as he recognized this 
 business anarchist's willingness to undergo an 
 instant change of opinion about consolidation. 
 
 The door opened, and a tall, thin man, with 
 curly gray hair and a little gray goatee, strode 
 nervously in and threw a half dollar on the case. 
 
 ' l Two packs of Kiosks, ' ' he demanded. 
 
 Almost in the same breath he saw Walling- 
 ford, whose face was at that moment illumi- 
 nated by the lighter to which he held his cigar. 
 
 "J. Eufus, by Heck!" he exclaimed. 
 
 Before Wallingford could give voice to his 
 amazement the strangely altered Blackie Daw 
 was shaking hands eagerly with him. 
 
 "You probably don't remember me," went 
 
 397
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 on Blackie with an expansive grin. "Rush is 
 the name. I. B. Rush, and I never was so bug- 
 house glad to see anybody in my life!" 
 
 The eyes of Wallingford twinkled. 
 
 "Well, well, well, Mr. Rush! How you have 
 changed!" he declared. 
 
 Blackie shook his head warningly. 
 
 "Nix on the advertisement," he cautioned. 
 "Wallingford, you're the long-sought message 
 from home! Feel in your vest pocket and see 
 if there isn't an overlooked hundred or two 
 down in the corner." 
 
 J. Rufus was cheerful, nay, happy, complai- 
 sance itself. 
 
 "Certainly, Mr. Rush," he said heartily; "a 
 thousand if you want it. Just step over to 
 the bank with me till I draw the money," and 
 they walked out of the door. 
 
 With a sigh the flabby man laid the long-sus- 
 pended jack of hearts upon the queen of spades. 
 
 "Hear the big guy tossin' over a thousand 
 like it was car fare," he observed. "If I had 
 a piece of lead pipe I'd follow him." 
 
 "What do you suppose his graft is?" queried 
 the watcher at the game. 
 
 "He's made his money off poor people; that's 
 what!" announced Ed Nickel. "How else does 
 a man get rich?" 
 
 398
 
 CHAPTER XXVI 
 
 J. SUFIIS SCENTS A FORTUNE IN SMOKE AND LETS 
 MB. NICKEL SEE THE FLAMES 
 
 WALLINGFOED had good cause to 
 survey his friend with amused 
 wonder. 
 
 1 'How you have aged, Blackie," 
 he chuckled. "What has turned you gray in 
 a single month?" 
 
 "Beating it," replied Blackie, hoarsely. 
 "Did you see that guy just now look around 
 and give me the X-ray stare?" 
 
 "He was only admiring your handsome 
 make-up," retorted J. Rufus. "What's got 
 your nerve all of a sudden?" 
 
 "Nerve!" scorned the other. "Say, J. 
 Rufus, when I cut my finger I bleed yellow, 
 and the mere sight of a brass button gives me 
 hydrophobia. They're after me, dear friend of 
 my childhood days, for going into the oil-well 
 industry without any oil wells, and you're the 
 first human being I've seen in three weeks that 
 didn't look like he had the iron bracelets in 
 his pocket. Even you're a living frost. For 
 
 399
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 a minute you gave me that glad feeling, but 
 when you said to come around to the bank and 
 I could have a thousand, I knew it was all off. 
 If you'd had it, nothing but paralysis would 
 have stopped you from putting your hand in 
 your pocket and making a flash with the two 
 hundred I wanted. I have to make a quick 
 get-away from this town or have the door of 
 a nice steel bedroom locked from the outside!" 
 
 Solemnly J. Eufus drew from his pocket his 
 total supply of earthly wealth, a ten-dollar bill 
 and. the change he had received at the cigar 
 store. 
 
 "I'll give you the ten," he offered, "although 
 I'm glued to the floor myself." 
 
 "I can see it, for your sparks are gone," said 
 Mr. Daw, glumly looking his friend over from 
 head to foot as he pocketed the ten. "How did 
 the beans get spilled? I thought there was a 
 fresh crop of your particular breed of come- 
 ons every morning." 
 
 "I'm overtrained," explained J. Eufus with 
 cheerful resignation. "I used to be able to 
 jump into a town with ten dollars in my pocket, 
 and have to lock myself in my room to keep 'em 
 from forcing money on me faster than I could 
 take it; but I've lost my winning ways, I 
 guess. The fact of the matter is, Blackie, I 
 
 400
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 need an oculist. I can't see small enough 
 since the big blow-up. I had climbed too high, 
 and when I tumbled off the perch I fell so hard 
 I couldn't see anything but stars. A dollar is 
 small as a pea now, and perfectly silent, and it 
 takes at least a thousand to emit even a faint 
 click. I can't learn to pike again." 
 
 "I wish I could learn anything else," com- 
 plained Mr. Daw in disgust. "Why, blind- 
 men's tincups look like fat picking to me, and 
 my yellow streak shows through so strong that 
 I cross the street every time I see a push cart; 
 I'm afraid the banana men will make a mistake 
 and pull my fingers off. Say! See that mug 
 over there on the corner with his back to us? 
 Well, that's a plain-clothes man. I know him all 
 right and he knows me. It's Jimmy Rogers and 
 I can't hand him a sou to plug his memory!" 
 
 Blackie was visibly distressed and edged 
 around the corner. 
 
 "I should say you had developed a saffron 
 streak," observed J. Eufus, eying him with 
 a trace of contempt. "I wouldn't have known 
 you till you spoke. Come on and we'll go right 
 straight past Jimmy Rogers." 
 
 He put his hand behind Blackie 's elbow to 
 take him in that direction, but to his surprise 
 Daw shrank back. 
 
 *6WaUingford 401
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 "Not for mine!" lie declared. "I know I'm 
 due, but I won't go till they come after me. 
 Why, J. Rufus, do you know we're all 
 that's left of the old bunch? Billy Biggs, 
 Tommy Ranee, Dick Logan, Pit Hardesty 
 all put away, for stretches of from five to 
 twenty years! And Jim, mind what I say; our 
 turn's next! There, he's turning this way! 
 I'm on the lope. Me for the first train out of 
 town. Good-by, old man." 
 
 He shook hands hastily and, drawn-chested, 
 plunged down the side street at a swift pace. 
 Wallingford looked after him and involuntarily 
 expanded his own broad chest as he turned in 
 the direction of his hotel. He looked back at 
 Ed Nickel's cigar store after a few steps, and 
 hesitated as if he might return, but he did not. 
 On the way he counted five such establishments, 
 and he peered keenly into each one of them. 
 They were all of a little better grade than the 
 one he had visited, but none of them was 
 stocked in such manner as to tell of wholesale 
 purchases and cash discounts. Suddenly he 
 chuckled. At last he had the detail for his 
 heretofore vague idea, and it was a draught of 
 strong wine to him. He had been the high 
 jester of finance, always, and once more the 
 bells upon his cap jingled merrily. Inspired, he 
 
 402
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 walked into his hotel with a swaggering assur- 
 ance entirely out of keeping with the lonely 
 two dollars in his pocket. The clerk had been 
 instructed to look after Wallingford, for though 
 he had been an extravagant guest for within a 
 day of two weeks, no one but the bellboys and 
 waiters had seen a penny of his money and 
 his bill was nearly two hundred dollars. The 
 clerk firmly intended to call to him if he strode 
 past on the far side of the lobby, as had been 
 his custom in the past two or three days; but 
 he did not need to call, for J. Rufus approached 
 the desk without invitation, beaming as he 
 turned toward it, but growing stern as he 
 neared it. 
 
 "The wine I had served in my rooms last 
 night was vile, ' ' he charged. * * If I cannot get 
 the brand of champagne I want, have it per- 
 fectly frappe when it gets to my apartments, 
 and secure better service all around, I shall 
 pay my bill and leave!" 
 
 The clerk touched a bell instantly. 
 
 "Very sorry, Mr. Wallingford," said he. "I 
 shall speak to the wine steward about the mat- 
 ter at once." 
 
 J. Eufus grunted in acknowledgment of this 
 apology, and with a feeling of relief the clerk 
 surveyed that broad back as it retreated in im- 
 
 403
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 measurable dignity. There was no need to 
 worry about the money of a man who took that 
 attitude. On the way to his suite, however, 
 J. Kufus, as he handed the elevator boy a 
 quarter with one hand, drew down his cuff 
 furtively with the other, under the impulse of 
 a sudden idea, and, grinning, looked at his cuff 
 button. It was diamond studded, and he ought 
 to be able to raise at least twenty-five apiece on 
 the pair. 
 
 Mrs. Wallingford was sewing when her 
 capable husband came in. Something in the 
 very movement of the door caused her to look 
 up with an instant knowledge that he brought 
 good news, and a sight of his face confirmed the 
 impression. She smiled at him brightly, and 
 yet with a trace of apprehension. There had 
 come over her a curious change of late. Her 
 color was as clear as ever, even clearer, for it 
 seemed to have attained a certain pure trans- 
 parency, but there seemed, too, a slight pallor 
 beneath it, and her eyes were strangely 
 luminous. 
 
 "I got the fog out of my conk to-day, 
 Fanny," he said exultantly. "It seemed as if 
 I never would be able to frame up a good busi- 
 ness stunt again, but it hit me at last. How do 
 you like this place?" 
 
 404
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 "I can't tell," she slowly returned. "I 
 haven't seen much of it, you know." 
 
 ' * You will, ' ' he laughed. 1 ' You may pick out 
 any part of it you like, because I think I'll set- 
 tle down here for good. ' ' 
 
 She looked up with a little gasp. 
 
 "Then you're going into a a real business?" 
 she faltered. 
 
 "A hundred of them," he boasted. "I've 
 just decided to rake off half the profits of all 
 this town's cigar stores, except a few of the 
 best ones, and stay right here to collect. The 
 hundred or more ought to yield me one or two 
 dollars a day apiece. Looks good, don't it?" 
 
 "I'm so glad," she said simply. It never oc- 
 curred to either of them to doubt that he could 
 do what he had planned, and just now she was 
 less inclined than ever to inquire into details. 
 She sat, her hands folded in the fluffy white 
 goods upon her lap, with a deepening color in 
 her cheeks. 
 
 "I'll tell you why I'm glad we are to settle 
 down at last and have a real home," she said 
 suddenly, and, arising, advanced to him and 
 shook out the dainty article upon which she had 
 been sewing, holding it outstretched before him 
 so that he could gather its full import. 
 
 "What?" he gasped. 
 
 405
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 She nodded her head, half crying and half 
 laughing, and suddenly buried her head upon 
 his shoulder, sobbing. He clasped her in his 
 arms, tiny white garment and all, and looked 
 on over her head, out of the window at the 
 gathering dusk in the sky where it stretched 
 down between the tall buildings. For just one 
 fleeting second a trace of the Eternal Mystery 
 came to awe him, but it passed and left him 
 grinning. 
 
 "Fd just been figuring on a new house," he 
 observed, "but I guess I'll have to plan it all 
 over now." 
 
 He led her to a chair presently, and went 
 back to the window, where he stood until the 
 darkness warned him that it was time to dress 
 for dinner. The meal finished, he sat down to 
 write, tearing up sheet after sheet of paper and 
 crumpling it into the waste basket until far into 
 the night, and later he sent down for a city di- 
 rectory, making out a list of cigar stores, 
 dropping out those that were printed in black- 
 face type; but whatever he did he paused once 
 in a while to turn toward that tiny white 
 garment upon the table and survey it with smil- 
 ing wonder. 
 
 In the morning he called upon a job printer 
 of reputation, and then he went again to Ed 
 
 406
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 Nickel's cigar store; but this time he dashed 
 up to the door in a showy carriage drawn by 
 two good horses. The same flabby man sat in 
 the corner playing solitaire as if he had never 
 left off, and the same apathetic young man with 
 the dent in his hat was watching him. The 
 split cigar mold had not yet grown together, 
 though Ed Nickel still held its two parts 
 matched tightly in his left hand. Upon the 
 entrance of Wallingford the magnificent, how- 
 ever, the three graven figures, glancing first 
 upon him and then upon the carriage, inhaled 
 the breath of life. The solitaire player sud- 
 denly pushed his cards together and began 
 shuffling them over and over and over and over, 
 though he had not yet exhausted the possibil- 
 ities of the previous game. The apathetic 
 young man stood up to yawn but changed his 
 mind after he had his mouth open. Ed Nickel 
 bowed, smiled and hurried behind his counter. 
 "What will you take for your business, Mr. 
 Nickel?" asked J. Eufus, throwing a coin on 
 the case and tapping his finger over the box 
 from which he had purchased the cigars the 
 night before. Freshly shaven, he wore a new 
 collar, a new shirt with fine, crisp cuffs, and a 
 new silk lavender tie also plain new cuff 
 buttons. 
 
 407
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 Ed Nickel's ears heard the astounding ques- 
 tion, but Ed Nickel's mind did not grasp it, 
 for Ed Nickel 's hand went on mechanically into 
 the case after the designated cigars. It se- 
 cured the box, it brought it partly out and 
 then dropped it just inside the sliding door. 
 The hand came out and its fingers twined with 
 those of the other hand. 
 
 "What did you say!" asked Mr. Nickel's 
 mouth. 
 
 1 'How much will you take for your busi- 
 ness ! ' ' repeated J. Ruf us. 
 
 Mr. Nickel looked slowly around his walls, 
 past the dust-hung wire screen to the dingy 
 back room, under the counter, into the case, 
 over the sparsely filled shelves. 
 
 "I don't know," he said, his eyes roving 
 back to those of J. Ruf us. "Besides the stock 
 and fixtures, there's the good will, the trade 
 I've worked up, and the call for my Nickelfine 
 and the Double Nickel, my leading ten-cent 
 cigar. I'd have to take an invoice to set a price 
 on this business. ' ' 
 
 "I know," laughed J. Ruf us with a wink, 
 ' * but you can invoice it with your eyes shut and 
 we can lump the rest of it. Say five hundred for 
 the stock and fixtures and three hundred for 
 the good will, which is crowding it some." 
 
 408
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 Ed Nickel's cupidity gave a thump. Eight 
 hundred was a good price for his business, es- 
 pecially in this location. He had often thought 
 of moving. In a better location he would do a 
 better business; he was sure of that, like every 
 other unsuccessful merchant; but of course he 
 objected. 
 
 "Make it a thousand and I'll listen," he 
 proposed. 
 
 J. Rufus looked about the place coldly. 
 
 t ' No, ' ' he decided. ' ' I M be cheating the con- 
 solidation." 
 
 Mr. Nickel immediately woke up another 
 notch. 
 
 "What consolidation?" he wanted to know. 
 
 "The one I spoke to you about yesterday," 
 said the prospective buyer, and picking up the 
 coin he had tossed down he tapped with it on 
 the glass. 
 
 Thus reminded, the benumbed one brought 
 out the delayed box and Mr. Wallingford lit 
 one of the cigars. 
 
 "I'm going to finance a consolidation of all 
 the smaller cigar stores in the city," he then 
 explained. "I expect to buy several for spot 
 cash and put in charge of them managers who 
 know their business. The rest I am going to 
 allow to purchase shares in the consolidation, 
 
 409
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 with the value of their stock and good will, so 
 that altogether we shall have a quarter-of-a- 
 million-dollar corporation. With this enormous 
 buying power I intend to get the lowest spot- 
 cash discount on all goods, manufacture a few 
 good brands, cut rates and control the cigar 
 business of this town. But I'm going to be 
 fair to every man. I'll give you eight hundred 
 dollars for your business, in cold coin." 
 
 The day before, had any providentially sent 
 stranger offered Ed Nickel eight hundred dol- 
 lars in real money for his store, he would have 
 jumped at the chance, and with the purchase 
 price would have opened a better one in some 
 other part of the town. Now it suddenly oc- 
 curred to him 
 
 "And if I don't sell or come in I get froze 
 out, I suppose," he gloomily opined. "That's 
 the regulation poor man's chance. But how 
 are you going to work this consolidation, any- 
 how?" 
 
 "The same plan upon which all successful 
 organizations are put together," patiently ex- 
 plained the eminent financier whose resplendent 
 carriage was waiting outside. "For instance, 
 five of us organize a holding company. Hav- 
 ing incorporated for, say, two hundred and fifty 
 thousand dollars, I buy your business for eight 
 
 410
 
 hundred dollars in stock of the new corpora- 
 tion, fit it up new till it glitters, and put you in 
 charge of it. A hundred other stores go in on 
 the same proposition, their valuations varying 
 according to their location, their stock, and the 
 volume of business their books can show. You 
 get a salary of just as much as you can prove 
 you're making now, and every three months 
 the business is footed up and a dividend is paid. 
 The difference is just this. The cigars for 
 which you now pay thirty-five dollars a thou- 
 sand, you will get for twenty-eight and less, 
 and so on down the line. Your profits will be 
 increased nearly a hundred per cent., and 
 all financial worry will be lifted off your 
 shoulders. ' ' 
 
 Ed Nickel suddenly awoke to the fact that 
 the flabby solitaire player was pressed closely 
 upon one side of the eminent financier, and the 
 apathetic young man upon the other, both 
 drinking in every word, and quivering. 
 
 1 'Come in the back room," invited Mr. 
 Nickel, and on two reeking stools, with tobacco 
 scraps strewn all about them, they sat down to 
 really "get together." Patiently the energetic 
 man of wealth went over the proposition again, 
 point by point, and the cigar maker enumerated 
 these upon his fingers until he got it quite clear 
 
 411
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 in his mind that his business was not to pass 
 out of his hands at all. If it was put in at a 
 valuation of eight hundred dollars, he re- 
 ceived a salary equal to his present earnings 
 for taking care of it, and also the net profits on 
 eight hundred dollars worth of stock. It was 
 a great scheme! It would put all the goods he 
 wanted upon his shelves. It would brighten up 
 his place of business and he would no longer 
 have the aggravation of knowing that rich 
 dealers, just because they were rich, could buy 
 cigars a shameful per cent, cheaper than he 
 could. Moreover, there sat Wallingford, a 
 wonderful argument in himself! When he 
 had fully grasped the idea Mr. Nickel was 
 enthusiastic. 
 
 "Of course I'll come in!" said he. "Surest 
 thing, you know ! ' ' 
 
 "Suit yourself," said J. Rufus, with vast in- 
 difference. "I have a little agreement that I'll 
 bring around in a couple of days to let you see, 
 and then you may finally decide. By the way, 
 Mr. Nickel, I may need you for one of the 
 original five incorporators, and as a director 
 for the first year. ' ' 
 
 Mr. Nickel hesitated. 
 
 "That'll cost me something, won't it?" he 
 wanted to know. 
 
 412
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 Mr. Wallingford laughed. 
 
 11 A little bit," he admitted. "But there are 
 ways to get it back. For instance, as one of 
 the directors I do not suppose there would be 
 any particular harm in selling your business to 
 the consolidation for a thousand in place of 
 eight hundred." 
 
 The first stock subscriber to the Retail Cigar 
 Dealers' Consolidation became as knowingly 
 jovial as the genial promoter. 
 
 "It listens good to me," he declared, and 
 shook hands. 
 
 The big man got up to go, but turned and 
 came back. 
 
 "By the way," said he, "I don't know the 
 cigar men in this town, and if you have a 
 couple of friends in the business who would 
 like to help form this incorporation with the 
 same advantages you have, let's go see 
 them." 
 
 Mr. Nickel was already throwing off his 
 apron and eye shade, and now he took his coat 
 and hat from their hook. 
 
 "I've got two of them, and they ain't too 
 darned smart, either," he stated, showing wise 
 forethought in that last remark; then, putting 
 the flabby man in charge of the store, he went 
 out and rode in that carriage! 
 
 413
 
 CHAPTER XXVH 
 
 MR. WALLINGFORD GAMBLES A BIT AND PICKS 
 UP AN UNSOLICITED PARTNER 
 
 IN the smart carriage Mr. Wallingford took 
 Mr. Nickel and his two friends down to 
 his hotel for lunch to talk over the final 
 steps in the great consolidation. The 
 chief thing the three remembered when they 
 left the hotel was that they had been most liber- 
 ally treated in the matter of extravagant food 
 and drink, and that the lunch had cost over 
 twenty dollars ! Also they recalled that the dis- 
 tinguished-looking head waiter had come over 
 to their table half a dozen times to see that 
 everything was served at the proper minute 
 and in the pink of condition. Nobody but 
 a rich man could command that sort of at- 
 tention, and they left the table not only 
 willing but thankful to take any business 
 tonic this commercial genius should pre- 
 scribed. As they passed the desk, the man- 
 ager called Mr. Wallingford to him, and 
 the great promoter, instantly bidding his 
 friends good-by, promised to see them 
 
 414
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 to-morrow. Then lie walked back to the 
 manager. 
 
 ''Good morning, Senator," said that official, 
 shaking hands. "How are they treating you? 
 Nicely?" 
 
 "Very well, indeed," replied Wallingford, 
 ' ' except I 'd like to have corner rooms if I could 
 get them." 
 
 "I know; you spoke of that last week. I've 
 been trying to secure them for you, but those 
 apartments are always dated so far ahead. I 
 think the corner suite on the second floor will 
 be vacant in a day or so, though, and 111 let 
 you know. By the way, Mr. Wallingford" 
 this in the most pleasantly confidential tone 
 imaginable "I'm afraid I'll have to draw on 
 you. The proprietor is a little strict about 
 his rules, and you have been here two weeks 
 to-day. ' ' 
 
 "Is that so?" exclaimed Wallingford, very 
 much surprised. " I '11 have to look after that, ' ' 
 and he reached out his hand with courteous 
 alacrity for the bill which the manager was 
 handing to him. Without the quiver of an eye- 
 lash he glanced over the items and stuck the 
 bill in his pocket. "I'm glad you spoke of it. 
 I'm rather careless about such matters," and he 
 walked away in perfect nonchalance. 
 
 415
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 The telegraph desk mocked him. There was 
 not a soul he knew to whom he could wire with 
 a certainty of getting money, and if he pre- 
 tended to wire he must certainly produce quick 
 results. Instead of making that error he 
 walked out upon the street briskly. Half way 
 to Ed Nickel's cigar store he paused. Mr. 
 Nickel was not yet ripe, and it would be folly to 
 waste his chances. Thinking most deeply in- 
 deed, he strolled into a cigar store of far bet- 
 ter appearance than any he had yet visited. 
 The place was a-quiver with life; there was 
 much glitter of beveled plate mirrors; there 
 were expensive light fixtures ; the shelves were 
 crowded with rows upon rows of cigar boxes, 
 and at a most ornate case stood three rather 
 strikingly dressed men, playing "ping pong" 
 on a mahogany edged board that was covered 
 with green baize. He had seen these boards 
 before, but they were all set away behind 
 counters, for this game of dice, not of balls 
 and paddles was strictly taboo. A moral 
 wave had swept over the town and had made 
 dice shaking for cigars, as well as every other 
 form of gambling, next door to a hanging of- 
 fense. A heavy-set young fellow, with a red 
 face and a red tie and red stripes in the thread 
 of his broad-checked clothing, was at the end 
 
 436
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 of the counter, half behind it, scoring the 
 game. He was evidently the proprietor, though 
 he had his hat on, and he asked Wallingford 
 what he wanted. 
 
 "I don't know your brands, so I'll leave it 
 to you," said the large man, with a pleasant 
 smile. "I want a nice three for a half, rather 
 heavy, but not too tightly rolled." 
 
 The proprietor gave his customer a shrewd 
 "sizing-up," as he promptly set out three boxes 
 of different brands. Evidently the general ap- 
 pearance of Wallingford satisfied him that the 
 man asked for this grade of cigars because he 
 liked them and could afford them, for after the 
 selection had been made the salesman observed 
 that it was quite pleasant weather, looking Wal- 
 lingford squarely in the eyes and smiling in 
 sheer goodfellowship with all the world. He 
 then renewed his attention to the "ping pong" 
 game, and Wallingford, aimless for the time 
 and occupied with that tremendous puzzle of the 
 hotel bill, stood by and watched. A policeman 
 came through, but no one paid any attention. 
 
 "Hello, Joe!" he said affably to the man in 
 charge, and passed on into the back room. As 
 the door of this was opened the sharp click of 
 ivory chips came through, and Wallingford 
 heard one strident voice say, "I'll raise you 
 
 ay- Wallingford 417
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 ten." A brisk and gimlet-eyed young man 
 came out a moment later with a fifty-dollar 
 bill, for which he got change. 
 
 "How you making it, Tommy?" he asked 
 perfunctorily of one of the men who were 
 shaking dice. 
 
 "Rotten!" said the dice shaker. "I've won 
 ten two-for-a-quarter cigars that have cost me 
 four dollars." 
 
 "I'd blow the game," advised the young man 
 with a bantering laugh. ' ' Shoot somebody for 
 the four and quit double or even." 
 
 "I'll do it," said the man addressed as 
 Tommy. "Fade me, Joe?" 
 
 "Any amount, old man," said the proprietor 
 nonchalantly, and taking four dollars from the 
 cash register he left the drawer open. "How 
 do you want to be skinned?" 
 
 "First-flop poker dice," said Tommy, pick- 
 ing up the leather box which Joe had slammed 
 upon the board, and rattling the five dice in it. 
 
 One turn apiece and the proprietor picked 
 up the money. Tommy silently threw a five 
 on the case. 
 
 "You other fellows want in on this?" he 
 asked. 
 
 J. Rufus suddenly felt that mysterious thing 
 called a "hunch" prickling in his wrist. 
 
 418
 
 WALLINGFOED 
 
 "How about letting a stranger in?" he ob- 
 served, considering himself far enough west 
 for this forwardness. 
 
 With a smile he made ready for that light- 
 ning glance of judgment which he knew would 
 be leveled at him from three pairs of eyes at 
 least. 
 
 "I'd rather anybody would have my money 
 than Joe,'* said the man next to him, after 
 that brief but pleased inspection and after an 
 almost imperceptible nod from the proprietor. 
 "Joe's a robber and we none of us like him." 
 
 "I don't think I like him very well my- 
 self," laughed Wallingford, throwing down his 
 money, and, having accepted him, they judged 
 him again from this new angle. He was a 
 most likeable man, this big fellow, and an 
 open-handed sport. Anybody could see that. 
 It would make no difference to him whether 
 he won or lost. All he wanted was to be in 
 on the game. Eich as the mint, no doubt. 
 
 In reality J. Eufus had but three five dollar 
 bills in his pocket, but desperate needs re- 
 quire desperate remedies, and, in view of those 
 vast needs, if he lost he would be but little 
 worse off than he was now. Twice he staked 
 his last five, and then luck steadily alternated 
 between him and the proprietor. One at a 
 
 419
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 time the three others dropped out, and the two 
 winners were left confronting each other. 
 
 "Well, old man," said the proprietor to 
 Wallingford, shaking the box up and down 
 while he talked, and smiling his challenge, "we 
 split 'em about even. Shall we quit satisfied, 
 or shoot it off to see who owns the best rab- 
 bit's foot?" 
 
 Wallingford glanced down at the crumpled 
 pile of greenbacks in front of him and made 
 a hasty computation. He was sure that he 
 had fully two hundred dollars, but he could 
 not in decency quit now. 
 
 "I never saw a finer afternoon for a murder 
 in my life," he declared. 
 
 "Shoot you fifty," said Joe. 
 
 In for it, Wallingford covered the bet, and 
 by this time a throng of interested spectators 
 was at his elbows. It was Wallingford 's first 
 throw, and four aces tumbled up. His op- 
 ponent followed him with fours, but they were 
 four sixes. 
 
 "Cover the hundred and be a real sport," 
 advised Wallingford with a grin. 
 
 Joe counted the money in front of him. 
 There was enough to cover the bet, with a 
 ten-dollar bill left over. He threw down 
 the pile. 
 
 420
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 "111 press it ten," said he, and Wallingford 
 promptly added a ten from his own stack. 
 
 Four aces again. Again the man who was 
 called Joe threw four sixes. 
 
 "I'll just leave that bundle of lettuce once 
 more," observed J. Rufus. "I've a hunch 
 that you'll be sorry you saw me." 
 
 "I'm sorry now," admitted the other, "but 
 I'll skin the money drawer rather than have 
 you go away dissatisfied," and from the cash 
 register he took two hundred and twenty dol- 
 lars. "Now shoot your head off," he advised. 
 
 Wallingford, in perfect confidence, rattled 
 the box high in the air and tossed the five 
 little ivory cubes upon the baize; and a dash 
 of cold water fell on his confidence. A single, 
 small, lonely, ashamed-looking pair of deuces 
 confronted him. 
 
 "Here's where we get it all-1-1-1-1 back 
 again," laughed Joe in much joy. "Somebody 
 call the porter to throw this stranger out when 
 I get through," and with a crash he dumped 
 the box upside down, lifting it with a sweep. 
 The dice rattled about the board, and when 
 they had all settled down he leaned over to 
 count them. There was a moment of silence 
 and then everybody laughed. There was not 
 even a pair. Wallingford 's miserable two 
 
 421
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 deuces had won a two-hundred-and-forty-dol- 
 lar pot. Gently lie leaned over. 
 
 "How much of this spinach would you like 
 to cover now?" he asked in soothing tones. 
 
 "Wait till I ask the safe," replied his an- 
 tagonist, but at that moment the telephone bell 
 just behind him rang and he turned to answer 
 it. With almost the first words that he heard 
 he looked at his watch and swore, and when 
 he had hung up the receiver he turned to Wal- 
 lingford briskly. 
 
 "Afraid I'll have to let you carry that 
 bundle of kale for a while," he grudgingly ad- 
 mitted, "for I have to hurry over to the court 
 or lose more than there is in sight right here. 
 But for heaven's sake, man, remember the 
 number and bring that back to me. I want 
 it." 
 
 "Thanks," said J. Eufus. "If there's any 
 left after I get through with it I'll bring it 
 back," and he walked out, the admired of all 
 beholders. 
 
 He headed straight for a bank, where he 
 exchanged his crumpled money into nice, crisp, 
 fifty-dollar bills, and then with profound satis- 
 faction he strolled into his hotel and threw 
 two hundred dollars in front of the manager. 
 The circumstance, however, was worth more 
 
 422
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 than money to him. It meant a renewal of 
 his confidence. The world was once more his 
 oyster. 
 
 That evening, just as he had finished a late 
 dinner, a boy brought a card to him in the 
 dining room; "Mr. Joseph 0. Meers." 
 
 "Meers!" read Wallingford to his wife. 
 "That isn't one of the men I had to lunch, 
 and besides, none of that bunch would have 
 an engraved card. Where is he?" he asked 
 the boy. 
 
 "Out in the lobby, sir." 
 
 Wallingford arose and went with the boy. 
 Sitting in one of the big chairs was the "Joe" 
 from whom he had won the money that after- 
 noon, and the man began to laugh as soon as 
 he saw J. Rufus. 
 
 "So you're Wallingford!" he said, extend- 
 ing his hand. "No wonder I wanted to hunt 
 you up." 
 
 "Yes?" laughed Wallingford, entirely at 
 ease. "I had been expecting either you or a 
 warrant. ' ' 
 
 "You can square that with a bottle of 
 wine," offered the caller, and together they 
 trailed in to the bar, where, in a snug little 
 corner, they sat down. "What I came to see 
 you about," began Meers, while they waited 
 
 423
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 for the wine to be made cold, "is this cigar 
 dealers' association that I hear you're doping 
 up." 
 
 "Who told you?" asked Wallingford. 
 
 Mr. Meers winked. 
 
 "Never mind about that," he said. "I get 
 it before the newspapers, and if there's a good 
 game going count little Joseph in." 
 
 Wallingford studied this over a bit before 
 answering. That afternoon he had decided 
 not to invite Mr. Meers into the combination 
 at all. He had not seemed likely material. 
 
 "I want to give you a little tip," added Mr. 
 Meers, observing this hesitation. "No matter 
 what the game is you need me. If I see my 
 bit in it it goes through, but if I don't I'll bet 
 you lose." 
 
 "The thing isn't a game at all," Walling- 
 ford soberly insisted. "It is a much needed 
 commercial development that lets the cigar 
 store be a real business in place of a peanut 
 stand. What I'm going to do is to consoli- 
 date all the small shops in the city, for the 
 purpose of buying at large-lot prices and tak- 
 ing cash discounts." 
 
 "That's a good play, too," agreed Meers; 
 "but how about the details of it? How do 
 you organize ? ' ' 
 
 424
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 ''Make it a stock company," explained Wal- 
 lingford, expanding largely; "incorporate as 
 the Ketail Cigar Dealers' Consolidation and 
 issue each man stock to the value of his pres- 
 ent business; leave each man in charge of his 
 own shop and pay him a salary equal to his 
 present proved clear earnings; split up the 
 surplus profits every three months and declare 
 dividends. ' ' 
 
 "That's the outside," commented Mr. Meers, 
 nodding his head wisely; "but what's the in- 
 side? Show me. Understand, Mr. Walling- 
 ford, except for a little friendly gamble like 
 we had this afternoon, I only run a game 
 from behind the table. I do the dealing. 
 I'm not what they call rich back in the 
 effete East, but I'm getting along pretty 
 well on one proposition: I always bet they 
 don't!" 
 
 "It's a good healthy bet," admitted Wal- 
 lingford; "but you want to copper it on this 
 deal. This is a straight, legitimate proposi- 
 tion." 
 
 ' ' Sure ; sure, ' ' assented the other sooth- 
 ingly. "But where do you get in?" 
 
 "Well, I'm going to finance it. I'm going 
 to take up some of the stock and get my quar- 
 terly dividends. I'll probably buy a few stores 
 
 425
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 and put them in, and I hope to be made man- 
 ager at a pretty good salary." 
 
 "I see but I don't," insisted the seeker after 
 intimate knowledge. "That all sounds good, 
 but it don't look fancy enough for a man that's 
 down on the register of this hotel for suite D. 
 If you come in to get my store in the consoli- 
 dation " 
 
 "Which I don't know whether I'll do or 
 not," interrupted Wallingford. 
 
 "Wait and you will, though," retorted the 
 other. "If you come into my place of busi- 
 ness to get my store into the consolidation, I 
 say, how do you close the deal? I suppose I 
 sign an agreement of some sort, don't I?" 
 
 "Well, naturally, to have a safe under- 
 standing you'd have to," admitted the pro- 
 moter. 
 
 "Let me see the agreement." 
 
 J. Eufus drew a long breath and chuckled. 
 
 "You're a regular insister, ain't you!" he 
 said as he drew a carbon copy of the agree- 
 ment from his pocket. 
 
 Mr. Meers read the paper over twice. The 
 wine was brought to their table and served, 
 but he paid no attention to the filled glass at 
 his elbow. He was reading a certain portion 
 of that agreement for the third and fourth 
 
 426
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 time, but at last he laid it down on the chair 
 beside him and solemnly tilted his hat to Mr. 
 Wallingford. 
 
 "You're an honor to your family," he an- 
 nounced. "I didn't suppose there were any 
 more games left, but you've sprung a new one 
 and it's a peach!" 
 
 Wallingford strove to look magnificently 
 unaware of what he meant, but the attempt 
 was a failure. 
 
 "The scheme is so smooth," went on Mr. 
 Meers with a heartfelt appreciation, "that it 
 strained my eyesight to find the little joker; 
 but now I can tell you all about it. It's in 
 the transfer of the stock, and here's what you 
 do. The consolidation buys my place for, say, 
 five thousand dollars, and gives me five thou- 
 sand dollars' worth of stock in the consolida- 
 tion for it. That's what this paper seems to 
 say, but that's not what happens. It's you 
 that buys my place for five thousand dollars 
 and gives me five thousand dollars' worth of 
 stock in the consolidation for it, and you, be- 
 ing then the temporary owner through a fake 
 trusteeship, turn around and sell my business 
 to the consolidation, the management of which 
 is in your flipper through a board of dummy 
 directors, for ten thousand dollars; and you 
 
 427
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 have our iron-clad contract to let you do this, 
 though it don't say so! When you get through 
 you have consolidated a hundred and twenty- 
 five thousand dollars' worth of business into 
 a two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand-dollar stock 
 company, and you have a hundred and twenty- 
 five thousand dollars' worth of stock which 
 didn't cost you a cent! Say! Have this wine 
 on me. I insist! I want to buy you some- 
 thing!" 
 
 Slowly Mr. Wallingford's shoulders began 
 to heave and his face to turn red, and pres- 
 ently he broke into a series of chuckles that 
 expanded to a guffaw. 
 
 "I don't see how I ever won that five hun- 
 dred from you this afternoon," he observed, 
 and shook again. 
 
 "The pleasure is all mine," said the loser 
 politely. "Now I'm sorry it wasn't a thou- 
 sand. You're worth the money and I'm glad 
 I came to see you. Count me in on the Eetail 
 Cigar Dealers' Consolidation." 
 
 "All right, sign the paper," said Walling- 
 ford with another chuckle. 
 
 "Watch me sign it not," said Meers. "I'm 
 too patriotic. I'm so patriotic that I hate to 
 see all this good money go to a stranger, so 
 I'm going to take sixty-two and one half thou- 
 
 428
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 sand dollars' worth of that free stock myself. 
 I declare myself in. You hear me?" 
 
 By the time Mr. Meers was through talking 
 Wallingford was delighted so far as surface 
 went, though he was already doing some in- 
 tense figuring. 
 
 "I don't know but that it's a good thing 
 you came to see me," he admitted. " How- 
 ever, I hope it don't strike you that I intend 
 to give you half a nice ripe peach without a 
 good reason for it. What do I get for letting 
 you in?" 
 
 11 That's a fair question. I guess you noticed 
 that if we want to cut a melon or open a keg 
 of nails over in my place we don't go down 
 in the cellar?" 
 
 "I certainly did," admitted the big man 
 with a grin. 
 
 "Well, that's it. I'm permanent alderman 
 from the fifth ward, and every time they hold 
 an election they come and ask me whether I 
 want it served with mushrooms or tomato sauce. 
 The job has belonged to me ever since I was 
 old enough to lie about my age. What I say 
 goes in the privilege line, and I guess a mere 
 child could figure out what that privilege would 
 be worth to the Eetail Cigar Dealers' Consoli- 
 dation; the dice box privilege; the back room
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 privilege with a nice little poker game going 
 on twenty-four hours a day; faro if I want 
 it. Besides, I'm coming in just because. Why, 
 I'm the man that stopped the ping pong game 
 in this town so I could have a monopoly of it ! ' ' 
 
 "How soon can you be ready to incorpo- 
 rate?" asked Wallingford, satisfied to all ex- 
 ternal appearances; for this man could stop 
 him. l ' To-morrowl ' 9 
 
 "To-night, if you say so." 
 
 Wallingford laughed. 
 
 "It won't spoil over night," he said; "but 
 there's just one thing I want to know. Is 
 there anybody else to cut in on this 1 ?" 
 
 In reply, Mr. Meers slowly drew down the 
 under lid of his right eye to show that there 
 was no green in it, and when they parted an 
 hour or so later it was with mutual, even hila- 
 rious expressions of good will. Immediately 
 thereafter, however, Wallingford retired 
 within himself and spent long, long hours in 
 thought. 
 
 430
 
 WHEREIN MR. WALLINGFORD JOINS THE LARGEST 
 CLUB IN THE WORLD 
 
 THE name of Meers was magic. It is 
 quite probable that the magnetic Wal- 
 lingford would have been able to 
 carry through his proposed consolida- 
 tion alone; but with the fifth ward alderman 
 to back him his work was easy. A few of the 
 small dealers were afraid of Meers, but they 
 were also afraid to stay out ; for the most part, 
 however, they were glad to enter into any com- 
 bination with him, particularly since it was 
 tacitly understood that this would open up to 
 them the much coveted "ping pong" privilege, 
 an attraction which not only increased the sale 
 of goods but gave an additional hundred per 
 cent, of profit. 
 
 The first steps in the incorporation were 
 taken the next day after the interview of Wal- 
 lingford and Meers, and within a few days the 
 Retail Cigar Dealers' Consolidation was for- 
 mally effected, even to the trifling little mum- 
 meries which covered the state's requirement 
 
 431
 
 GET-KICH-QUICK 
 
 of a certain percentage of " fully paid up 
 stock." Wallingf ord 's share of the initial ex- 
 pense was one hundred dollars, but he had no 
 mind to give up any of his precious pocket 
 money at this time. 
 
 " Suppose you just pay the whole bill your- 
 self, and let us pay you," he suggested in an 
 offhand way to Meers. "It looks so much bet- 
 ter all in one lump." 
 
 Of course, Mr. Meers was agreeable to this 
 eminently respectable suggestion; but when 
 Wallingford handed over his own check it was 
 dated a week ahead. 
 
 "If this won't do you I'll have to give up 
 some cash," he explained with an easy laugh. 
 "I'm having some securities negotiated back 
 East to open an account here, and it may take 
 three or four days to have it arranged. ' ' 
 
 Meers heard him with a curious smile. 
 
 "I beat a pleasant stranger's head off once 
 for putting up a line of talk like that," he 
 commented; "but, of course, this is different," 
 and he took the check. 
 
 He had become an enthusiastic admirer of 
 Wallingf ord 's undoubted genius, and at noth- 
 ing was he more amused than by the caliber 
 of the three other incorporators who had been 
 chosen. Stock valuations were at once made 
 
 432
 
 "YOUR FINE LITTLE WIFE HERE SWEARS THAT IT WILL"
 
 for these three, at an exaggerated estimate of 
 the value of their concerns, and when they 
 came to Meers himself the same plan was 
 followed. 
 
 "For," said Wallingford, "to make this 
 strong you have to come in just like the rest, 
 and I have to take up the balance of the stock 
 right now as trustee." 
 
 Meers balked a trifle at that. 
 
 "I never feel so cheerful as when I'm my 
 own stakeholder," he stated frankly. "When 
 I hold all the coin it's a cinch I'll get mine, 
 but when somebody else holds it I keep trained 
 down for a foot race." 
 
 "Fix it any way to suit yourself," offered 
 Wallingford with a carelessness that he was 
 far from feeling. "If you can figure out a 
 better stunt, show it to me." 
 
 Mr. Meers tried earnestly to think of a bet- 
 ter plan but was forced to concede that there 
 was none. 
 
 "Oh, well," he gave in at last, "it don't 
 matter. It's only for a week or so I'll have to 
 rub salve on my fingers to cure that itch." 
 
 "Certainly," Wallingford assured him. "It 
 won't take more than a week, after we get the 
 stock certificates from the printers, to make all 
 the transfers, and then we'll have from a hun- 
 
 8 Wallingford 433
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 dred and twenty to a hundred and forty thou- 
 sand dollars' worth to split up. If we can't 
 make that yield us five or six thousand a year 
 apiece, aside from salaries, the buying and 
 manufacturing grafts and other rake-offs, we 
 ought to have guardians appointed." 
 
 "Fine business," agreed Meers complacently. 
 
 That complacency, which meant forgetful- 
 ness of the fact that all the stock would be 
 temporarily in Wallingford's hands and under 
 his absolute legal mastery, was what J. Rufus 
 wished to encourage, and to that end he ar- 
 ranged for "secret" meetings of the Retail 
 Cigar Dealers during the constructive period. 
 Here the promoter was at his best. Singly, his 
 big impressiveness dominated men; in masses, 
 he swayed them. Enthusiasm was raised to 
 fever heat. Even the smallest among these 
 men grew large. Individually they were poor; 
 collectively they were rich. Outside the con- 
 solidation not one of them amounted to much; 
 inside it each one was a part of a millionaire! 
 In the business of cigar selling a new era had 
 come, and its name was Wallingford! By the 
 close of the second meeting, scarcely a small 
 dealer in the town but had signed the cleverly 
 worded agreement. 
 
 It was while the stock certificates were being 
 
 434
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 printed that Wallingford, who almost lived in 
 the resplendent carriage these days, drove up 
 to Ed Nickel's place of business, at a time 
 when both the flabby solitaire player and the 
 apathetic watcher had gone out to whatever 
 mysterious place it was that they secured food. 
 
 "I say, Mr. Vice President," asked Wal- 
 lingford, addressing the amazingly spruced up 
 Mr. Nickel quite as an equal, "do you know 
 where I could buy a nice house? One for about 
 fifteen thousand?" 
 
 "I don't know, I'm sure," regretted Nickel, 
 pleased to be taken thus into the great Wal- 
 lingford 's intimacy, "but there ought to be 
 plenty of them. I wish I could figure on a 
 house like that." 
 
 "Stick to me and see what happens to you," 
 advised Wallingford with no thought of the 
 joke he was uttering. "There's no reason you 
 shouldn't have anything you want if you just 
 go after the big game. Watch me." 
 
 "But you've got money," protested the Vice 
 President. 
 
 "Did I always have it?" demanded the emi- 
 nent financier. "Every cent I have, Mr. 
 Nickel, I made myself; and you can do the 
 same. The trouble is, you don't go in big 
 enough. You have only a thousand dollars 
 
 435
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 worth of stock in our consolidation, for in- 
 stance. You ought to have at least ten 
 thousand. ' ' 
 
 "I haven't the money," said Nickel. 
 
 "How much have you?" 
 
 " Just a shade over five thousand. Say, man, 
 I'm forty-six years old and I been slavin' like 
 a dog ever since I was sixteen. Thirty years 
 it took me to scrape that five thousand to- 
 gether. ' ' 
 
 "Saved it!" snorted Wallingford. "No 
 wonder you haven't but five thousand. You 
 can't make money that way. You have to in- 
 vest. Do you suppose Rockefeller saved his 
 first million? Tell you what I'll do, Nickel. 
 Can you keep a secret?" 
 
 "Sure," asserted Mr. Nickel, with the eager- 
 ness of one who has never been entrusted with 
 a secret of consequence. 
 
 "If you want it and will pay for it on de- 
 livery next Saturday, I can scheme it for you 
 to take up an extra five thousand dollars ' worth 
 of stock in the consolidation; but if I do you 
 must not say one word about it to any one until 
 after everything is settled, or some of these 
 other fellows will be jealous. There's Meers, 
 for instance. He's crazy right now to take 
 over every share of the surplus, but, between 
 
 436
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 you and I, we don't want him to have such a 
 big finger in the pie." 
 
 "I should say not," agreed Mr. Nickel em- 
 phatically. "He's too big as it is. Why, he 
 pretty near runs this town." 
 
 "He can't run the consolidation; I'll tell 
 him that!" declared Mr. Wallingford with 
 much apparent heat. "It's my project and I'll 
 favor whoever I want to. But about this stock, 
 old man. You think it over, and if you want it 
 let me know by not later than to-day noon. If 
 it isn't spoken for by that time I'll take it my- 
 self; but remember, not one word!" 
 
 Mr. Nickel promised, on his honor as a man 
 and his self-interest as a favored stockholder, 
 to say nothing, and Wallingford started out. 
 At the door he turned back, however. 
 
 ' ' By the way, ' ' said he, ' ' when we get going 
 I've made up my mind to push the Nickelfine 
 and the Double Nickel brands. I've been try- 
 ing those two boxes you gave me and they're 
 great. But don't say anything. Jealousy, you 
 know ! ' ' 
 
 Mr. Nickel put his finger to his lips and 
 smiled and bowed significantly. Fine man, that 
 Wallingford ! Knew a good thing when he saw 
 it, and easy as an old shoe in spite of all his 
 money. Regular howling swell, too. 
 
 437
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 The regular howling swell was at that very 
 moment on his rubber-tired way to the shop of 
 Alfred Norton, where he made a similar prop- 
 osition to the one he had made Nickel. In all 
 his manipulating he had kept careful track of 
 the gentlemen who had or who might have 
 money, and now he made it his business to visit 
 each of them in turn, to talk additional stock 
 with them and bind them to inviolate secrecy. 
 For three days he kept this up, and on Friday 
 evening was able to mop his brow in content. 
 
 11 Fanny," he opined, "you have a smart hus- 
 band." 
 
 "That's the only fault I have to find with 
 you, Jim/' she retorted smiling. "What have 
 you done this time!" 
 
 "I've just tapped Mr. Joseph 0. Meers on 
 the solar plexus," he exulted. "I'll show that 
 gentleman how to horn into my game and take 
 the rake-off that's coming to a real artist! He's 
 dreaming happy dreams just now, but when I 
 leave town with the mezuma he'll wake up." 
 
 "I thought you were going to stay here," she 
 objected with a troubled frown. 
 
 He understood her at once, and reached over 
 to stroke her hair. 
 
 "Never mind, girl," he said. "I'm as anx- 
 ious now as you are to settle down," and he 
 
 438
 
 W A L L I N G F E D 
 
 glanced at the fluffy white sewing in her lap; 
 "but this isn't the town. I had a nice clean 
 business planned here, but the village grafter 
 tried to jiu-jitsu me, so I just naturally had to 
 jolt him one. I'll clean up about a hundred 
 thousand to-morrow, and with that I'll go any- 
 where you say and into any business you pick 
 out. Suppose we go back to Battlesburg, clear 
 off that mortgage on your house and settle down 
 there!" 
 
 "Oh, will you?" she asked eagerly. "But 
 who loses this money, Jim?" she suddenly 
 wanted to know. "I'm more particular than 
 ever about it just now. I don't want to take a 
 dollar that isn't right." 
 
 Again he understood. 
 
 "Don't worry about that," he replied seri- 
 ously. "This money is legitimate water that I 
 am sopping up out of a reorganization, just like 
 a Harriman or a Morgan. The drag-down I 
 get is simply my pay as promoter and organ- 
 izer, and is no bigger percentage than other 
 promoters take when they get a chance." 
 
 He had never taken so much pains to justify 
 himself in her eyes, and she felt that this was 
 due to a new tenderness. What if the wonder- 
 ful influence that was dawning upon their lives 
 should make a permanent change in him? 
 
 439
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 There came a knock at the door. Walling- 
 ford opened it and was confronted by a tall 
 and stoutly built gentleman, who wore a blue 
 helmet and numerous brass buttons upon his 
 clothes. 
 
 "Mr. Wallingf ord, " said the caller, with a 
 laborious wink and a broad brogue, "could ye 
 step across to the Court House wid me a few 
 minutes and sign them papers?" and when 
 Wallingf ord had stepped outside, he added: 
 " 'Twas on account of the lady I told ye that, 
 but on the level, I'm after arrestin' yez!" 
 
 "What's the charge?" asked Wallingf ord 
 with a tolerant smile, knowing his entire inno- 
 cence of wrong. 
 
 "Obtainin' money under false pretenses." 
 
 Wallingford whistled, and, still unworried, 
 excused himself for a moment. His statement 
 to his wife was characteristic. 
 
 "I'll be back in about an hour," he said, 
 "but I don't feel safe with so much wealth in 
 my clothes when I'm out with a policeman," 
 and with a laugh he tossed into her lap prac- 
 tically all the money that he had an even fifty 
 dollars. 
 
 Of course Wallingford sent immediately for 
 Joseph 0. Meers, and that gentleman came at 
 once. 
 
 440
 
 WALLINGFORD 
 
 ' ' Lovely place to find your old college chum, ' ' 
 the prisoner cheerfully remarked. "I wish 
 you'd go find out what this charge is all about 
 and get me out of this, Meers. It might hurt 
 the consolidation if it becomes known. There's 
 a mistake some place. ' ' 
 
 1 'Oh, is there?" Mr. Meers wanted to know. 
 "I'll bet there ain't a mistake, because I'm the 
 baby that secured the warrant, and I'm going to 
 send you over. Tried to double cross me, didn't 
 you?" he asked pleasantly. "Well, it can't be 
 done. Any grafter that tries to hand me the 
 worst of it is going to find himself sucking at 
 
 the sour end of a lemon, quick. So I was 
 
 to be the mark, eh? Just because there wasn't 
 a paper signed between us to show that I was 
 entitled to half that surplus stock, you was 
 going to sell the bunch of it and make a quick 
 get-away. I was to be the fall guy for that nice 
 little futurity check, too! You remember that 
 little old hundred, don't you? Well, it got you. 
 I was hep to you day before yesterday, but 
 your date didn't run out on that check till 
 to-day, so I waited; and I'm going to send you 
 over the road for as long a stretch as a good 
 lawyer can hand you. Now stay here and rot ! " 
 and Joseph 0. Meers, highly pleased with him- 
 self, walked out. 
 
 441
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 Jail! Mr. J. Rufus Wallingford, to whom 
 tufted carpets and soft leather chairs were not 
 luxuries but necessities, looked around him with 
 the nearest substitute for a "game" grin that 
 he could muster, and the prophetic words of 
 Blackie Daw occurred to him: 
 
 "Our turn's next!" 
 
 "It's a fine joke I played on myself," he 
 mused. "Me that a few weeks ago had a mil- 
 lion in sight and that two hours ago had a 
 hundred thousand cinched for to-morrow, to 
 lose out like this; and for a hundred dollars!" 
 
 That was the rub! To think that after all 
 these years, during which he had conducted his 
 pleasant and legally safe financial recreations 
 with other people's money upon a scale large 
 enough to live like a gentleman, his first intro- 
 duction to a jail should be because of a miser- 
 able, contemptible hundred dollars! Why had 
 he forgotten that check? Why had he been 
 fool enough to think he could swear a lot of 
 spineless jelly fish to secrecy? Why hadn't he 
 been content with half I It served him right, he 
 admitted, and unless Meers relented, the peni- 
 tentiary yawned its ugly mouth very close to 
 him. At any rate, he was now a full-fledged 
 member of the largest organization in the world 
 the Down and Out Club. It was queer that 
 
 442
 
 in all this thought there came no trace of re- 
 gret for what he had done; there came only re- 
 gret for the consequences, only self-revilement 
 that he had "overlooked a bet." His "con- 
 science" did not reproach him at all, except for 
 failure; for, monstrous as it may seem, to his 
 own mind he had done no wrong! Nor had he 
 meant any wrong! With no sense of moral ob- 
 ligation whatever and no more to be blamed 
 for that than another man is for being born 
 hunchbacked he merely looked upon himself 
 as smarter than most men, doing just what they 
 would have done had they been blessed with 
 the ability. Only at last he had been unfortu- 
 nate! Well, the joke was on him, and he must 
 be a good loser. 
 
 The humor of the situation rather wore off 
 when, after a night upon a hard pallet and a 
 breakfast of dry bread and weak coffee, he sent 
 a message to Ed Nickel and learned from that 
 indignantly virtuous citizen that he would have 
 nothing to do with swindlers! Then he sent 
 word to his wife and the answer he got to that 
 message was the last straw. Mrs. Wallingford 
 had quitted the hotel early that morning! He 
 was sure of her, however. She would turn up 
 again in her own good time, but what could she 
 do? Nothing! For the first time in his life, 
 
 443
 
 GET-BICH-QUICK 
 
 the man who had never thought to have need 
 of a friend outside a few moral defectives of 
 his own class, realized what it is to be abso- 
 lutely friendless. There was no one left in all 
 this wide world upon whom he could make any 
 demand of loyalty. Blackie Daw a fugitive, 
 Billy Biggs a convict, all the old clan scattered 
 far and wide, either paying their penalty, or, 
 having transgressed the law, fleeing from it, the 
 universe had come to an end. 
 
 Hour after hour he spent in trying to think 
 of some one to whom he could appeal, and the 
 conviction gradually burned itself in upon him 
 that at last he was "up against it." It was 
 a bad mess. He had made no deposit whatever 
 in the local bank upon which he had drawn that 
 check, though he had intended to do so. More- 
 over, Meers, to prove fraudulent intent, could 
 show his intended bad faith in the other matter 
 between them; and besides all that the alder- 
 man cigar dealer had a "pull" of no mean pro- 
 portions. It had seemed impossible, the night 
 before, that he who had dealt only in thousands 
 and hundreds of thousands should be made a 
 felon for a paltry hundred. It had seemed too 
 absurd to be true, an anomalous situation that 
 a day would clear up and at which he could 
 afterwards laugh. Even now he joked with the 
 
 444
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 turnkey, and that guardian of social recalci- 
 trants was profoundly convinced that in J. 
 Bufus Wallingford he had the swellest prisoner 
 upon whom he had ever slid a bolt. The 
 policeman who arrested him and the judge who 
 next morning remanded him for trial shared 
 that opinion, but it was a very melancholy sat- 
 isfaction. After his preliminary hearing he 
 went from the city prison to a more " comfort- 
 able" cell in the county jail, to think a number 
 of very deep thoughts. Not a friendly eye had 
 been turned on him but that of Joseph 0. 
 Meers, who had come around to see the fun. 
 Mr. Meers had been quite jovial with him, had 
 handed him a good cigar and told him the 
 latest developments in the Retail Cigar Dealers* 
 Consolidation. He was reorganizing it himself. 
 It was really a good " stunt," and he thanked 
 J. Bufus most effusively for having started it. 
 This was "kidding" of a broad-gauge type that 
 Wallingford, for the same reason that a gam- 
 bler tries to look pleased when he loses his 
 money, was bound to enjoy very much, and 
 with right good wit he replied in kind; but in 
 this exchange of humor he was very much 
 handicapped, for really Meers had all the joke 
 on his side. 
 
 Another restless night and another dreary 
 
 445
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 day, and then, just as he had begun to sin- 
 cerely pity himself as a forlorn castaway upon 
 the barrenest shore of all living things, there 
 came visitors for him, and the turnkey with 
 much deference threw open his cell and led 
 him out to the visitor 's cage. His wife ! Well, 
 he had expected her, and he had expected, too, 
 since this great new tenderness had come upon 
 her, to find her eyes suffused with bravely sup- 
 pressed tears as they now were; but he had 
 never expected to see again the man who was 
 with her. E. B. Lott! the man to whom he 
 had once sold rights of way to a traction line 
 which he had never intended to build! one of 
 his most profitable victims! 
 
 "So they got you at last, did they, Walling- 
 ford?" said Lott briskly, and shook hands 
 with him, positive pleasure in the meeting 
 beaming from his grizzled countenance. "I 
 expected they would. A nice little game you 
 played on me up in Battlesburg, wasn't it? 
 Well, my boy, it was worth the money. You 
 really had a valuable right of way, with valu- 
 able franchises and concessions, and the Lewis- 
 ville, Battlesburg and Elliston Traction Line 
 is doing a ripping business; so I'll forgive 
 you, especially since you're not an individual 
 criminal at all. You're only the logical de- 
 
 446
 
 WALLINGFOBD 
 
 velopment of the American tendency to 'get 
 there' no matter how. It is the national weak- 
 ness, the national menace, and you're only an 
 exaggerated molecule of it. You think that so 
 long as you stay inside the law you're all 
 right, even morally ; but a man who habitually 
 shaves so close to the narrow edge is going to 
 slip off some time. Now you've had your dose 
 and I shouldn't wonder but it might make a 
 man of you. Your fine little wife here, who 
 hunted me up the minute she found out your 
 real predicament, swears that it will, but I'm 
 not sure. You're too valuable, though, to coop 
 up in a penitentiary, and I'm going to buy 
 you off. I can use you. I've been in the trac- 
 tion business ever since the first trolley touched 
 a wire, and I never yet have seen a man who 
 could go out and get a right of way for noth- 
 ing, as you did, nor get it in so short a space 
 of time, even for money. We expect to open 
 up two thousand miles of lines this coming 
 year and I'm going to put you on the job. I 
 can't fix it to make you such quick riches as 
 you can rake in on crooked deals, but I'll guar- 
 antee you will have more in the end. It's a 
 great chance for you, my boy, and just to pro- 
 tect you against yourself I'm going to hire a 
 good man to watch you." 
 
 447
 
 GET-RICH-QUICK 
 
 Wallingford had already regained his 
 breadth of chest, and now he began to laugh. 
 His shoulders heaved and the hundred jovial 
 wrinkles about his eyes creased with the humor 
 of the thought that had come to him. 
 
 "You'd better hire three," he suggested, 
 "and work them in eight-hour shifts." 
 
 Nevertheless there was a bit of moisture in 
 his eyes, and his hand, dropping down, sought 
 his wife's. Perhaps in that moment he vaguely 
 promised himself some effort toward a higher 
 ideal, but the woman at his side, though know- 
 ing what she knew, though herself renewed and 
 made over wholly with that great new reason, 
 though detecting the presence of the crippled 
 moral sense that was falling back baffled from 
 its feeble assault upon his soul, pressed her 
 other palm over his hand protectingly and 
 shook her head for at last she understood! 
 
 Upon thistles grow no roses. 
 
 THE END 
 
 448
 
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