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 {GERMAN LOVE) 
 
 jFragiiuitfs from tfjr papers of an .alien 
 
 COLLECTED BY 
 
 F. MAX MULLER 
 
 TRANSLATED FROM THE SIXTH GERMAN EDITION 
 
 By G. A. M. 
 
 LONDON 
 W. SWAN SONNENSCHEIN & CO. 
 
 Paternoster Square 
 
 1884 
 

 PRE F A CE. 
 
 \\ J HO has not once in his life sat down at a 
 desk where shortly before another sat 
 who now rests in the grave ? Who has not had 
 to open the locks which for long years hid the 
 most sacred secrets of a heart that now lies hidden 
 in the holy calm of the churchyard ? Here are 
 the letters which were so loved by him whom we 
 all loved so well ; here are pictures and ribbpns 
 and books with marks on every page. Who can 
 now read and decipher them ? Who can gather 
 together the faded and broken leaves of this 
 rose, and endow them once more with living 
 
 469 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 fragrance ? The flames, which among the Greeks 
 received the body of the departed for fiery- 
 destruction, — the flames into which the ancients 
 cast everything that had been most dear to the 
 living, — are still the safest resting-place for such 
 relics. With trembling hesitation the bereaved 
 friend reads the pages which no eye had ever 
 seen, save the one now closed for ever ; and 
 when he has satisfied himself by a rapid glance 
 that these pages and letters contain nothing 
 which the world calls important, he throws them 
 hastily on the glowing coals ; they flame up, and 
 are gone. 
 
 F.rom such flames the following pages were 
 saved. They were intended at first for the 
 friends only of the lost one ; but as they have 
 found friends amongst strangers, they may, 
 since so it is to be, wander forth again into the 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 wide world. The Editor would gladly have 
 given more, but the pages were too much torn 
 and destroyed to be collected and pieced together 
 again. 
 
 F. Max Muller, 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 FIRST RECOLLECTION. 
 
 /^HILDHOOD has its mysteries and its 
 wonders : but who can describe them ? 
 who can interpret them ? We have all wandered 
 through that silent enchanted forest ; we have 
 all, at one time, opened our eyes in a perplexity 
 of happiness, and the fair reality of life over- 
 flowed our souls. Then we knew not where we 
 were, or who we were : the whole world then was 
 ours, and we belonged to the whole world. That 
 was an eternal life, without beginning and without 
 end ; without break and without pain. Our hearts 
 B 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 were bright as the sky in spring, fresh as the 
 scent of the violet, calm and holy as a Sunday 
 morn. 
 
 And what disturbs this peace of God in the 
 child ? How can this unconscious and innocent 
 life ever have an end ? What drives us forth 
 from this bliss of union and communion, and 
 leaves us suddenly alone and desolate in this 
 darkening life ? 
 
 Say not, with solemn brow, that it is sin. 
 Can a child sin ? Say rather that we do not 
 know, and must resign ourselves. 
 
 Is it sin that changes the bud into the flower 
 the flower into fruit, and the fruit into dust ? 
 
 Is it sin that changes the caterpillar into a 
 chrysalis, the chrysalis into a butterfly, and the 
 butterfly into dust ? 
 
 And is it sin that makes the child a man, 
 and the man hoary-headed, and the hoary head 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 dust ? And what is dust ? Say rather we do 
 not know, and must resign ourselves. 
 
 Yet it is so sweet to look back to the spring- 
 time of life — to gaze into its sanctuary — and to 
 remember. Yes ; even in the sultry summer, in 
 the sad autumn, and cold winter of life, there 
 comes now and then a spring day, and the heart 
 says, " I, too, feel as if it were spring." Such a 
 day is to-day, and I lie down on the soft moss 
 in the fragrant forest, and stretch my weary 
 limbs, and gaze upwards through the green 
 leaves into the infinite blue, and think, How was 
 it then in childhood ? 
 
 All seems forgotten, and the first pages of 
 memory are like an old family Bible, — the open- 
 ing leaves quite faded, and somewhat crumpled 
 and soiled. Only when we turn further on, and 
 come to the chapters which tell how Adam and 
 Eve were driven out of paradise, it all begins to 
 B 2 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 be clear and legible. Yes, and if we could but 
 find the title-page, with the place and date of 
 . the printing ! But that is lost, and we only find 
 instead a clean page of writing, — the certificate 
 of our baptism ; and there we read, too, when we 
 were born, and what our parents and sponsors 
 were called, — so that we need not think of our 
 selves as " editions " sine loco et anno. 
 
 Yes : but the beginning ! If there were only 
 no beginning, for with the beginning all thought 
 and memory cease. And when we thus dream 
 back into childhood, and from childhood into 
 eternity, it seems as if the dark beginning always 
 receded, and the thoughts follow, yet never reach 
 it ; just as a child seeks the spot where the blue 
 heaven rests on the earth, and runs and runs, 
 and the heaven always recedes before him, yet 
 always rests on the earth ; and tne child becomes 
 tired and never reaches it. 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 But when we once were there — there — here — 
 when we once had our beginning — what do we 
 know then ? Memory shakes itself like a poodle 
 who rushes up out of the waves with the water 
 running into its eyes, and most helpless it looks. 
 But I think I can still remember when I first 
 saw the stars. They may have often before seen 
 me ; but one evening it seemed to me that it was 
 cold, though I lay in my mother's lap, and I 
 shuddered, and was chilled or afraid, — in short 
 something within me made me more than usually 
 observant of my tiny self. Then my mother 
 showed me the bright stars, and I wondered and 
 thought " how prettily mother has made all that." 
 Then I felt warm again, and probably went to 
 sleep. 
 
 Then I remember how I once lay on the grass, 
 and everything round me waved and nodded, 
 and hummed and buzzed. And there came a 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 whole swarm of small, many-footed, winged 
 creatures, and they sat on my forehead and eyes, 
 and said, " Good morning." Then my eyes hurt 
 me, and I called my mother ; and she said, 
 " Poor boy, how the midges have stung him." 
 I could not open my eyes, or see the blue sky 
 any more. But my mother had a bunch of fresh 
 violets in her hand, and I felt as if a dark blue, 
 cool fragrance passed through my brain ; and 
 even now when I see the first violets I recollect 
 this, and feel as if I must shut my eyes again, 
 that the dark blue sky of those days may rise 
 once more over my soul. 
 
 And then I remember how again a new 
 world opened to me ; and it was more beautiful 
 than the world of stars and the scent of violets. 
 It was on an Easter morning. My mother woke 
 me early, and before the window stood our old 
 church. It was not beautiful, but it had a high 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 roof, and a lofty tower, and on the tower a golden 
 cross, and it looked far older and greyer than the 
 other houses. Once I had wished to know who 
 lived there ; and I looked through the grated 
 iron door. But inside it was quite empty, and 
 cold, and awful, — not one living soul in the 
 whole house ; and since then I had always 
 shuddered as I passed by that door. But on this 
 Easter-day it had rained in the early morning, 
 and then the sun had risen in full radiance, and 
 the old church, with its grey slate roof, and the 
 high windows, and the tower with the golden 
 cross, shone with marvellous brightness. Suddenly 
 the light which streamed through the high win- 
 dows began to wave and seem alive. But it was 
 far too bright to look at ; and as I shut my eyes, 
 the light still came into my soul, and everything 
 seemed to shine and be fragrant, and to sing and 
 sound. I felt as if a new life began in me — as if 
 
8 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 I had become another being ; and when I asked 
 my mother what it was, she said it was an Easter 
 hymn, which they were singing in the church. I 
 have never been able to discover what was the 
 pure holy song which then sank into my soul : it 
 must have been ^ne of those old church songs, 
 such as often broke through the stern soul of our 
 Luther. I have never heard it again. But now, 
 when I hear an adagio of Beethoven, or a psalm 
 of Marcello, or a chorus of Handel, — yes, often, 
 when in the Scotch Highlands or the Tyrol, I 
 hear a simple melody, — I feel as if the lofty 
 church windows were again sparkling, as if the 
 organ notes rang through my soul, and a new 
 world opened, fairer than the world of stars and 
 the fragrance of violets. 
 
 This is what I recollect of my earliest child- 
 hood, and amidst it floats a loving mother's face, 
 also a father's kind, earnest eyes, and gardens, 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 and a vine-covered arbour, and green soft turf, 
 and a venerable old picture book ; and that is 
 all that I can still discern on the first faded 
 pages of memory. 
 
 But afterwards it becomes clearer and more 
 distinct. Names and faces stand forth. Not 
 only father and mother, but brothers and sisters, 
 and friends and teachers, and a crowd of 
 strangers. Ah, yes : of those strangers, how- 
 much is graven on my memory ! 
 
SECOND RECOLLECTION. 
 
 "XT OT far from our house, and opposite the old 
 church with its golden cross, stood a large 
 building, larger even than the church, and with 
 many towers. They too looked very grey and old ; 
 but there was no golden cross, only stone eagles 
 were placed on the pinnacles, and a great white 
 and blue flag waved from the highest tower, just 
 over the lofty entrance where the steps went up 
 on each side, and where two mounted soldiers 
 kept guard. The house had many windows, and 
 through the windows could be seen red silk cur- 
 tains with golden tassels ; and all round the 
 court stood the old lime trees, which in summer 
 overshadowed the grey stone walls with their 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 green foliage, and strewed the grass with their 
 fragrant white blossoms. I had often looked 
 up there ; and at evening, when the limes smelt 
 sweetly and the windows were lighted up, I saw 
 many forms floating here and there like shadows, 
 and music echoed from the palace above ; and 
 carriages drove in, from which men and women 
 stepped out and hastened up the steps. And 
 they all looked so kind and beautiful ; and the 
 men had stars on their breasts, and the women 
 had fresh flowers in their hair ; and then I often 
 thought, " Why do not you go there also ? " 
 
 But one day my father took me by the hand 
 and said, "We will go to the palace. You must 
 be very good if the Princess speaks to you, 
 and kiss her hand." 
 
 I was about six years old, and rejoiced as 
 one only can rejoice when six years old. I had 
 already had many quiet thoughts about the 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 shadows that I saw in the evenings at the lighted 
 windows ; and had at home heard much of the 
 goodness of the Prince and Princess, — how they 
 were so gracious, and brought help and comfort 
 to the poor and suffering, and were chosen by 
 God's mercy to defend the poor and punish 
 the evil-doers. So I had long pictured to my- 
 self how everything must go on in the palace ; 
 and the Prince and Princess were already old 
 acquaintances, whom I knew as well as I did my 
 nutcracker and my tin soldiers. 
 
 My heart beat as I went up the great steps 
 with my father ; and while he was still telling 
 me to call the Princess " Your Highness," and 
 the Prince " Serene Highness," the folding doors 
 were opened, and I saw before me a tall figure 
 with bright penetrating eyes. She seemed to 
 come straight towards me, and to reach me her 
 hand. There was an expression on her face 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 13 
 
 which I had long known, and a half-hidden 
 smile played on her cheeks. I could no longer 
 restrain myself ; and while my father still stood 
 at the door and (I knew not why) made the 
 deepest bow, my heart seemed to spring into my 
 throat ; and I ran to the beautiful lady, and 
 threw my arms round her neck, and kissed her 
 like my mother. The tall lovely lady seemed to 
 be pleased, and stroked my hair and laughed. 
 But my father took me by the hand and drew 
 me away, and said I was very naughty, and he 
 would never bring me there again. My head 
 became quite confused, and the blood flew up 
 into my cheeks, for I felt that my father was 
 unjust to me ; and I looked to the Princess that 
 she might defend me ; but her face bore an 
 expression of gentle earnestness. Then I looked 
 at the ladies and men who were in the room 
 thinking they would take my part ; but when 
 
14 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 I looked I saw they were all laughing. Then the 
 tears rose in my eyes, and I ran out through the 
 doorway, down the steps, past the limes in the 
 palace yard, and home, till I found my mother, 
 and threw myself in her arms, sobbing and crying. 
 
 " And what has happened to you ? " she said. 
 
 " Oh, mother ! " I cried ; " I was with the 
 Princess, and she was such a kind and beautiful 
 lady ; so just like you, my dear mother, that I 
 could not help throwing my arms round her and 
 kissing her." 
 
 "No!" said my mother. "You should not 
 have done so, for they are strangers, and great 
 people." 
 
 "And what then are strangers?" I asked. 
 " May I not love everybody who looks at me 
 with those kind and loving eyes ? " 
 
 " You may love them, my boy," replied my 
 mother ; " but you must not show it" 
 
GERMAN LOVE. I 5 
 
 " Then if it is not wrong for me to love 
 the se strangers, why may I not show it ? " 
 
 Ah, you are right ! " she said, " but you must 
 do as your father tells you ; and when you are 
 older you will understand why you cannot throw 
 your arms round the neck of every beautiful 
 lady with kind and smiling eyes." 
 
 That was a sad day. My father came home, 
 and maintained that I had behaved very badly. 
 In the evening my mother put me to bed, and I 
 said my prayers, but I could not sleep, and kept 
 thinking who those strangers could be, that one 
 might not love. 
 
 Alas, poor human heart, even in spring-time 
 thy leaves are blighted, and the feathers torn 
 from thy wings ! When the dawn of life unibids 
 the hidden calyx of the soul, all within is fra- 
 grant of love. We learn to stand and walk, to 
 speak and read, but no one teaches us to love ; this 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 belongs to us, as our life. Yes : some say it is 
 the deepest root of our being. As the heavenly 
 bodies attract and incline to one another and 
 are held together by the eternal law of gravita- 
 tion, so heavenly souls lean to and attract one 
 another, and are bound together by the eternal 
 law of love. A flower cannot blossom without 
 sunshine, and a man cannot live without love. 
 Would not the child's heart break from anguish 
 when it feels the first cold blast of this unfriendly 
 world, were it not that the warm sunlight of love 
 shines on him from his parents' eyes, like a 
 softened reflection of heavenly light and love ? 
 And the longing which then wakes in the child 
 is the purest, the deepest love : it is a love which 
 embraces the whole world, which flashes up 
 wherever two honest human eyes shine on it, which 
 exults at the sound of a human voice. That 
 is the old immeasurable love, — a deep sea which 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 no plummet has fathomed, — a spring of in- 
 exhaustible riches. Those who know it, know 
 too that there is no measure in love, — no in- 
 crease, no decrease, — but that they who love 
 can only do so with -the whole heart, and with 
 the whole soul, with all their power, and with 
 their whole mind. 
 
 But, alas, how little remains of this love ere 
 we have passed the half of our life's journey ! 
 Even the child learns that there are " strangers," 
 and ceases to be a child. The spring of love is 
 hidden, and, as years go on, is quite choked up : 
 our eyes no longer sparkle, but, serious and 
 wearied, we pass by each other in the noisy 
 streets ; we hardly greet each other, for we 
 know how deeply it wounds the soul when 
 a greeting remains unacknowledged, and how 
 it pains us to part from those whom we 
 have once greeted, and whose hands we 
 C 
 
I 8 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 have once pressed. The wings of the soul 
 
 lose nearly all their feathers, — the leaves of the 
 
 flower are nearly all bruised and withered, — and 
 
 but a few drops remain of the inexhaustible 
 
 fountain of love, to cool our tongues, that we 
 
 may not faint in the desert. These we still call 
 
 love. But it is no longer the pure, full, joyous 
 
 love of the child : it is love with doubt and 
 
 sorrow, burning fire, blazing passion, — love which 
 
 consumes itself, like rain-drops on hot sand, — 
 
 love which exacts, not love which spends itself ; 
 
 love which asks, "Will you be mine?" not love 
 
 which says, " I must be thine : " it is self-absorbed, 
 
 desperate love. And this is the love which poets 
 
 sing, and youths and maidens believe in : a fire 
 
 which flares up and dies down, but never warms, 
 
 and leaves nothing behind but smoke and ashes. 
 
 We have all, at some time, believed that these 
 
 rockets are sunbeams of eternal love. But 
 
GERMAN LOVE. IQ 
 
 the brighter the meteor, the darker the night 
 which follows. 
 
 And then when all around becomes dark, when 
 we feel utterly lonely, when all men go by us on 
 the right and on the left, without knowing us, — 
 then a forgotten feeling rises at times in the 
 breast, and we know not what it is, for it is 
 neither love nor friendship. " Do you not know 
 me ? " we long to cry to every one who passes us 
 so coldly and strangely. Then one feels how 
 man is nearer to man than brother to brother, 
 father to son, friend to friend ; and like an old 
 sacred saying, it echoes through the soul, that 
 " strangers " are our nearest and our dearest 
 friends. And why must we pass by them 
 in silence? We know not, and must resign 
 ourselves. Try, when two trains rush past each 
 other on their iron rails, and you see a well- 
 known eye that fain would greet you ; try to 
 
20 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 stretch out your hand, and press the hand of 
 your friend who is flying past you ; try it, and 
 you will perhaps understand why man here 
 below passes in silence by his fellow-man. 
 
 An old philosopher says, " I saw the fragments 
 of a wrecked ship floating on the sea. Only a 
 few pieces meet and hold together for a little 
 while ; then comes a storm and drives them east- 
 ward and westward, and they never meet again. 
 So it is with man here below ; but no man has 
 seen the great shipwreck." 
 
THIRD RECOLLECTION. 
 
 nP^HE clouds on the sky of childhood do not 
 last long, but vanish after a short warm 
 shower of tears. I soon went again to the 
 palace, and the Princess gave me her hand, which 
 I was allowed to kiss ; and then she brought me 
 her children — the young Princes and Princesses, 
 — and we played together as if we had known 
 each other for years. Those were happy days, 
 when after school-hours, — for I already went to 
 school, — I might go up to the. palace to play. 
 We had all there that heart could desire. 
 Playthings, which my mother had shown me in 
 the shop windows, and of which she told me they 
 were so dear that poor people could live a whole 
 
22 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 week on the money which they cost, — these I 
 found at the palace ; and, if I asked the Princess, 
 I could take them home to show them to my 
 mother, or even keep them entirely. Beautiful 
 picture-books, which I had seen with my father 
 at the booksellers', but which were only for very 
 good children, — these I could turn over and 
 over at the palace, and study them for hours. 
 And all that belonged to the young Princes be- 
 longed to me, — at least I thought so ; for I might 
 not only take away all that I wished, but I often 
 gave the playthings away again to other children : 
 in short I was a young Communist, in the full 
 sense of the word. Only once I remember that 
 the Princess had a golden snake, which clung 
 round her arm as if it were alive, and she gave 
 it us to play with. When I went home I put the 
 snake on my arm, and thought I could frighten 
 my mother well with it. But on the way I met 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 23 
 
 a woman who saw the golden snake, and begged 
 me to show it to her ; and then she said, if she 
 might but keep it, she could free her husband 
 from prison. I naturally did not hesitate a 
 moment, but ran away and left the woman alone 
 with the golden snake bracelet. The next day 
 there was a great commotion, and the poor 
 woman was brought to the palace, and cried ; 
 and the people said she had stolen the bracelet 
 from me. This made me very angry, and I told 
 them, with earnest zeal, how I had given her the 
 bracelet, and that I did not wish to have it back 
 again. What happened then I do not know; 
 but I remember from that day I showed the 
 Princess everything I took home with me. 
 
 It was long, however, before my ideas of mewn 
 and ticum were fully developed ; and till a late 
 epoch they melted into one another, just as for 
 a long time I could not distinguish between the 
 
24 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 colours of red and blue. The last time I re- 
 member that my friends laughed at me about this 
 was when my mother gave me some money to 
 buy apples. She gave me a penny, but the 
 apples only cost a half-penny ; and when I gave 
 the woman the penny, she said, as I thought in 
 a sad voice, that she had sold nothing the live- 
 long day, and could give me no change : she 
 wished me to buy a penny's- worth. Then I re- 
 membered I had also a half-penny in my pocket, 
 and, well pleased that I had solved the difficult 
 problem, I gave it to the woman, saying, " Now 
 you can give me a half-penny." But she under- 
 stood me so little that she gave me back the 
 penny, and kept the half-penny only. 
 
 Now at the time when I went almost daily to 
 play with the young Princes at the palace, and to 
 learn French with them, another form rises to my 
 memory : it was the daughter of the Prince, the 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 25 
 
 Countess Maria. Her mother died soon after 
 the birth of her child, and the Prince had after- 
 wards married again. I do not remember when 
 I first saw her. She rises slowly and faintly 
 from the twilight of memory, — at first like a 
 shadow of the air, which by degrees takes form 
 more and more, and draws nearer and nearer to 
 me ; and at length stands before my soul, like 
 the moon, which on a stormy night suddenly lifts 
 the cloudy veil from her face. She was always 
 sick and suffering and silent ; and I have never 
 seen her but stretched on her couch, on which two 
 bearers brought her into our room, and when she 
 was tired carried her out again. There she lay, 
 in her full white drapery, her hands generally 
 folded ; and her face was so pale, and yet so 
 sweet and lovely ; and her eyes so deep and un- 
 fathomable, that I often stood before her lost in 
 thought, — looking at her and asking myself if 
 
26 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 she too was one of " the strangers." And then 
 she often laid her hand on my head, and I felt 
 as if something- ran through my limbs, and I 
 could neither move nor speak, but could only 
 look into those deep, unfathomable eyes. She 
 seldom spoke to us, but her eyes followed our 
 games. However much we romped or made a 
 noise, she never complained, but only held her 
 hands over her white forehead, and shut her eyes, 
 as if asleep. But some days she said she was 
 better ; and then she sat upright on her couch ; 
 and there was a flush like the early dawn on her 
 cheeks ; and she talked to us, and told us won- 
 derful tales. How old she then was I do not 
 know. She was like a child, because she was so 
 helpless ; and yet she was so serious and quiet 
 that she could not have been still a child. When 
 people talked of her, they involuntarily spoke 
 softly and low. They called her " the angel," 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 27 
 
 and I never heard anything said of her but what 
 was good and lovable. Often when I saw her 
 lying so helpless and silent, and thought that 
 during her whole life she could never walk, and 
 that there was neither work nor pleasure for her, 
 and that she must always be carried about on her 
 couch till they laid her in her last resting-place, 
 I asked myself why she had been sent into this 
 world, when she might have rested so peacefully 
 in the angels' arms, and they would have car- 
 ried her through the air on their soft wings, as I 
 had seen in many a sacred picture. Then 
 I felt as if I must take away a part of her 
 suffering, that she might not endure it alone, 
 but I with her. I could not say this to Tier, 
 for I hardly knew it myself; I only felt, not 
 as if I must fall on her neck, — no one 
 might do that, for that would have hurt 
 her ; but as if I could pray from my inmost 
 
2 8 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 heart that she might be released from her 
 sufferings. 
 
 One warm spring day she was carried into 
 our play-room. She looked very pale, but her 
 eyes were brighter and deeper than ever ; and 
 she sat up on her couch, and called us to her. 
 " To-day is my birth-day," she said, " and early 
 this morning I was confirmed. Now, it is possi- 
 ble," she continued, whilst she looked smilingly at 
 her father, " that God may soon call me to Him- 
 self, — though I would gladly stay a long time with 
 you. But when I leave you I wish you should not 
 quite forget me, and therefore I have brought 
 a ring for each of you ; which you must now 
 wear on your forefinger, and as you grow bigger 
 move it on to the next, till it only fits the little 
 finger, and there you must wear it all your lives." 
 
 With these words she took five rings, which 
 she wore on her fingers, and drew them off one 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 29 
 
 by one, and looked so sad and yet so full of 
 love, that I shut my eyes to prevent myself from 
 weeping. She gave the first ring to her eldest 
 brother, and kissed him, and then the second and 
 the third to the two Princesses, and the fourth she 
 gave to the youngest Prince, and kissed each of 
 them, as she gave them the rings. I stood near, 
 looking intently at her white hand, and I saw 
 there was one ring left on her finger, but she 
 leant back and seemed exhausted. Then my 
 eye caught hers, and as a child's eyes speak 
 aloud, she could not but hear what was passing 
 in my thoughts. I had much rather not have 
 had the last ring ; for I felt that I was a stranger, 
 that I did not belong to her, that she did not 
 love me as she did her brothers and sisters. 
 Then I felt a pain at my heart, as if a vein had 
 burst, or a nerve been cut ; and I knew not where 
 to look to hide my distress. 
 
30 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 She, however, raised herself up, and laid her 
 hand on my forehead, and looked so searchingly 
 into my eyes, that I felt there was no thought in 
 me which she could not read. Slowly she drew 
 the last ring from her finger, and gave it to me, 
 and said, " I wished to take this ring with me 
 when I leave you ; but it is better that you should 
 wear it, and think of me when I am no longer 
 with you. Read the words which are engraved 
 on the ring : ' As God wills.' You have a wild 
 yet soft heart : may it be tamed by life, — not 
 hardened." And then she kissed me, like her 
 brothers, and gave me the ring. 
 
 I can hardly describe what was passing within 
 me. I was then already grown into a boy, and the 
 gentle beauty of the suffering angel had not 
 been without a charm for my young heart. I 
 loved her as a boy can love — and boys love with 
 a fervour, truth, and purity, which few keep in 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 3 I 
 
 youth and manhood. But I thought she was one 
 of the strangers to whom I might not say I loved 
 them. I scarcely heard the words she spoke to 
 me ; I only felt that her soul was as near to mine 
 as two human souls could be. All bitterness was 
 gone from my heart. I felt no longer alone — no 
 longer a stranger, divided from her by a chasm : 
 I was beside her, with her, absorbed within 
 her. 
 
 And then I thought it was a sacrifice on her 
 part to give me the last ring, and that she had 
 wished to take it with her to her grave. And a 
 feeling rose up in my soul that overpowered 
 every other feeling, and I said in a trembling 
 voice : " You must keep the ring, if you would 
 give it me ; for what is thine is mine." She 
 looked at me for a moment, surprised and 
 thoughtful. Then she took the ring and placed 
 it on her finger, and kissed me again on the fore- 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 head, and said softly to me, " You do not know 
 what you say : but learn to understand yourself, 
 and you will be happy, and make many others 
 happy also." 
 
FOURTH RECOLLECTION. 
 
 T N each life there are certain years through 
 which we pass as along a dusty poplar 
 avenue, without knowing where we are, and of 
 which nothing remains in the memory but the 
 melancholy feeling that we have been passing 
 on and growing older. So long as the tide of 
 life flows smoothly, it is the same river, only the 
 landscape on either bank seems to change. . But 
 then come the cataracts of life. These remain 
 fixed in the memory, and even when we are far 
 past them, and are advancing nearer and nearer 
 to the deep ocean of eternity, we still seem to 
 hear from afar their roar and tumult, — nay, we 
 feel that the strength of life which remains to 
 D 
 
34 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 us, and drives us onward, has its source and 
 nourishment in those cataracts. 
 
 School life was over, and the first merry years 
 of college life were over ; and many a fair dream 
 of life was over too. But one thing remained : 
 faith in God and man. Life was very different 
 from what my childish mind had pictured it, 
 yet everything received a higher significance : 
 and what was most incomprehensible and pain- 
 ful was to me the strongest proof of the ever- 
 present hand of God in all earthly affairs. " Not 
 the slightest thing can ever happen to thee, but 
 as God wills it :" that was the short philosophy 
 of life which I had gathered up. 
 
 And now I returned in the summer vacation 
 to my small native city. What joy there is in 
 meeting again ! No one has explained the cause 
 of it : but seeing again, finding again,— remem- 
 bering, is the secret of nearly every pleasure and 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 35 
 
 enjoyment. What we see, or hear, or taste for 
 the first time, may be beautiful and pleasant ; 
 but it is too new and strange. It surprises us ; 
 there is no repose in it, and often the effort 
 of the pleasure is greater than the pleasure 
 itself. But to hear again after many years an 
 old piece of music of which we thought we had 
 forgotten every note, and to recognise it as an 
 old friend ; or after long years to stand before 
 the Madonna di San Sisto at Dresden, and 
 allow the feelings to reawaken which the glance 
 into the infinite in the Child's eyes has, in other 
 years, aroused in us ; or even to smell a flower 
 or taste a dish of which we have never thought 
 since our schoolboy days ; — that gives such deep 
 delight, that we scarcely know whether we re- 
 joice more at the present impression or at the 
 old memories. So, in returning after many 
 years to one's own native city, the soul floats 
 D2 
 
36 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 unconsciously in a sea of recollections, and the 
 dancing waves bear it dreamily back along the 
 shores of earlier times. The tower clock strikes, 
 and we feel we shall be too late for school, and 
 then we recover from the fright and rejoice that 
 the fear is over. A dog crosses the street, it is 
 the same dog to whom we always gave a wide 
 berth ; now he is old and shows his teeth no 
 more. Here sits an old huckster, whose apples 
 were once a sore temptation, and which, in spite 
 of the dust covering them, we still think must 
 taste better than any apples in the world. There 
 a house has been pulled down, and a new one 
 built. That was the house where our old music- 
 master lived. Oh, how delightful it was to stand 
 here on a summer evening, under the window, 
 and listen how the good old soul amused himself 
 when the hours of the day were over, and impro- 
 vise-ed, and like a steam engine, puffing and 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 37 
 
 roaring, let off the superfluous steam accu- 
 mulated during the day! And here, in this 
 little shady walk — and it then seemed so much 
 larger — here it was, as I came home late one 
 evening, that I met our neighbour's beautiful 
 daughter. Till then I had never ventured to 
 look at her or speak to her, but we boys at 
 school often talked of her, and called her " the 
 beautiful maiden ;" and if I saw her at a 
 distance coming along the street, I was so de- 
 lighted that I could never think of going nearer 
 to her. And here in this little walk, which led 
 to the churchyard, I met her one evening, and 
 she took me by the arm, although we had never 
 then spoken to each other, and said she would 
 go home with me. I believe that the whole way 
 I never spoke one word, nor she either ; yet I 
 was so happy that even now, after many- 
 years, when I think of it I could wish the 
 
38 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 time back, and that I could again walk home, 
 silently but happily, with " the beautiful maiden." 
 
 And so one recollection rises after another till 
 the waves meet together over our heads, and a 
 sigh rises from our breast, which reminds us that 
 our thoughts have made us forget to take breath. 
 Then at once the dream-world vanishes, like 
 ghosts at the crowing of the cock. 
 
 Now when I passed by the old palace and by 
 the lime-trees, and saw the guards on their 
 horses, and the high steps, what recollections 
 rose within me! and how was everything here 
 changed. I had not been to the palace for many 
 a year. The Princess was dead, the Prince had 
 relinquished the government and retired to Italy, 
 and the eldest Prince with whom I grew up had 
 become Regent. He was surrounded by young 
 nobles and officers, whose conversation he en- 
 joyed, and whose society had soon estranged his 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 39 
 
 early play-fellows from him. Other circum- 
 stances arose to loosen our former friendship. 
 Like every young man who recognises for the 
 first time the needs in the life of the German 
 people, and the crimes of the German Govern- 
 ments, I had early adopted the views of the 
 Liberal party, and these were as unsuited to a 
 Court as indecorous expressions to a respectable 
 clergyman's family. In short, for many years I 
 had not ascended those steps. And yet in that 
 palace lived a being whose name I pronounced 
 almost daily, and the thought of whom was 
 incessantly present to my mind. I had long 
 accustomed myself to the idea that I should 
 never see her again in this life. She had grown 
 into an image in my mind which I knew did not, 
 and never could exist in reality. She had be- 
 come my good angel, my other self, to whom I 
 talked instead of talking to myself. How she 
 
40 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 had become so I could scarcely explain to my- 
 self, for I hardly knew her ; but as the eye some- 
 times changes the clouds into shapes, so I felt 
 my imagination had conjured up this lovely 
 vision in the heaven of my childhood, and had 
 formed a perfect picture of the imagination from 
 the faintly traced lines of reality. My thoughts 
 had involuntarily become a dialogue with her ; 
 and all that was good in me, all that I strove 
 after, all that I believed in, — my entire better 
 being belonged to her, was dedicated to her, and 
 came from her soul, from the soul of my good 
 angel. 
 
 I had barely been a few days in my old house, 
 when one morning I received a letter. It was 
 written in English, and came from the Countess 
 Maria : — 
 
 "Dear friend, — I hear you are with us for a 
 short time. We have not met for many years, and 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 4 1 
 
 if it is agreeable to you, I should like to see an old 
 friend again. You will find me alone this afternoon 
 in the Swiss Cottage. Yours sincerely, Maria." 
 
 I immediately wrote back, also in English, 
 that I would wait upon her that afternoon. 
 
 The Swiss Cottage formed a wing of the 
 palace, looking towards the garden, and could 
 be reached without passing through the palace 
 yard. It was five o'clock as I passed through 
 the garden and approached the house. I battled 
 down all my feelings, and prepared for a formal 
 interview. I tried to quiet my good angel within 
 me, and to prove to it that it had nothing to do 
 with this lady ; and yet I felt thoroughly un- 
 comfortable, and my good angel would not give 
 me any courage. At length I took heart, mut- 
 tered something to myself about the masquerade 
 of life, and knocked at the door, which stood 
 half open. 
 
42 GERMAN' LOVE. 
 
 There was no one in the room but a lady, 
 whom I did not know, who also spoke English 
 to me. She said the Countess would be there 
 directly. Then she went away, and I was alone 
 and had time to look about me. 
 
 The walls of the room were of oak, and round 
 them ran a trellis-work, on which large broad- 
 leaved ivy climbed over the whole room. The 
 tables and chairs were of oak, and carved. The 
 floor was of inlaid wood. Many old familiar 
 objects were there which I had known in our old 
 play-room in the castle. Other things, and 
 especially the pictures, were new, and yet they 
 were the same pictures which I had in my room 
 at the University. Over the piano hung the 
 portraits of Beethoven, Handel, and Mendelssohn, 
 — exactly the same which I had chosen. In one 
 corner I saw the Venus of Milo, which I always 
 looked on as the most perfect statue of antiquity. 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 43 
 
 Here on the table lay volumes of Dante, Shake- 
 speare, Tauler's Sermons, the " Theologia Ger- 
 manica," Riickert's Poems, Tennyson and Burns, 
 Carlyle's " Past and Present !" just the same 
 books which were in my room, and all of which 
 I had but shortly before had in my hands. I 
 began to meditate ; but I threw off my thoughts, 
 and was standing before the picture of the late 
 Princess when the door opened, and two bearers 
 (the same I had so often seen as a child) brought 
 the Countess into the room, on her couch. 
 
 What a vision ! She said nothing, and her 
 face was quiet as a lake, till the bearers had left 
 the room. Then she turned her eyes towards 
 me — the old deep, unfathomable eyes, — and her 
 face brightened every moment, till at last her 
 whole countenance smiled, and she said — 
 
 " We are old friends ; and I think we have 
 not changed. I cannot say l you/ and if I may 
 
44 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 not say ' thou/ in German, we must talk English : 
 do you understand me ?" 
 
 I was not prepared for this reception ; but I 
 saw there was no acting here. Here was a soul 
 longing for another soul ; here was a greeting, as 
 when two friends — in spite of their disguises, in 
 spite of their black masks, — know each other by 
 the glance of the eyes. I seized her hand, which 
 she extended to me, and said, " When one speaks 
 to angels, one cannot say ' you.' " 
 
 And yet how strange a power lies in the forms 
 and customs of life, — how difficult it is, even 
 with the most congenial soul, to speak the 
 language of the heart. Our conversation flagged, 
 and we both felt the embarrassment of the 
 moment. I broke the silence, and said just 
 what was passing through my mind : 
 
 " Men are accustomed from their youth to live 
 in cages ; and even when they are in the free 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 45 
 
 air they dare not move their wings, and are 
 afraid that they may strike against something 
 if they try to fly upwards." 
 
 " Yes," she said, " and that is quite right, and 
 cannot be otherwise. We often wish we could 
 live like the birds who fly in the woods, and 
 meet on the branches and sing together, without 
 being introduced to one another. But, my friend, 
 there are owls and sparrows among the birds, 
 and it is good that we can pass them by in life 
 as if we did not know them. It is in life, pro- 
 bably, as in poetry ; and as the real poet knows 
 how to say what is most beautiful and true in a 
 settled form, so men ought to know how to 
 preserve freedom of thought and feeling in spite 
 of the fetters of society." 
 
 1 quoted Platen's lines : — 
 
 What proved itself eternal 
 In every age and clime ? 
 
4-6 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 Unfetter'd thought, though fetter'd 
 In chains of words and rhyme."* 
 
 " Yes," she said, with a kind and almost arch 
 
 smile ; "but I enjoy a privilege : — -my suffering 
 
 and my loneliness. And I often pity young girls 
 
 and young men, who can have no friendship 
 
 and intimacy with one another, but they, or 
 
 their relations for them, must always think of 
 
 love, or what people call love. They lose much 
 
 thereby. Young girls know not what slumbers 
 
 in their souls, and what might be aroused in 
 
 them by the earnest conversation of a noble 
 
 friend ; and young men would recover so 
 
 many knightly virtues, if women could be the 
 
 distant spectators of the inward struggles of 
 
 their spirits. Eut that cannot be ; for love 
 
 always comes into play, — or what is called 
 
 * " Denn was an alien Orten 
 Als ewig sich erweist ? 
 Das ist in gebund^nen Worten 
 Ein ungebundener Geibt" 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 47 
 
 love : quick beatings of the heart, stormy 
 waves of hope, delight in a beautiful face, sweet 
 imaginings, it may be, too, prudent calcula- 
 tions, — in short, all which disturbs that deep 
 ocean-calm which is the true image of pure 
 human love." 
 
 Here she suddenly broke off, and an expres- 
 sion of suffering passed across her face. " I must 
 not talk any more to-day," she said : " my doctor 
 will not allow it. I should like to hear a song 
 of Mendelssohn's, — the duet. My young friend 
 could play that many years ago, could he not ? " 
 
 I could not say anything, for as she ceased 
 speaking, and folded her hands as usual, I saw 
 on her hand a ring. She wore it on the little 
 finger. It was the ring which she had given to 
 me, and I to her. My thoughts were too many 
 for words, and I sat down to the piano and 
 played. 
 
48 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 When I had finished, I turned round and 
 looked at her, saying, " If one could only speak 
 thus in music, and without words ! " 
 
 "We can," she said. "I understood it all, 
 but I can bear no more to-day, for I grow 
 weaker each day. We must become accus- 
 tomed to one another, and a poor sick hermit 
 may well expect some indulgence. We shall 
 meet to-morrow evening at the same time, shall 
 we not ? " 
 
 I seized her hand, and would have kissed it ; 
 but she held mine tight, and pressed it, saying, 
 " That is best : good -bye. " 
 
FIFTH RECOLLECTION. 
 
 T T would be hard to say with what thoughts 
 and feelings I returned home. They could 
 not be expressed in words. There are "thoughts 
 without words*," which each man plays to him- 
 self in moments of great joy and sorrow. I felt 
 neither joy nor sorrow : I felt nothing but inex- 
 pressible surprise. Ideas flew across my mind 
 like shooting stars which try to fall from heaven 
 to the earth, but are all extinguished ere they 
 reach their goal. As sometimes in dreams we 
 say to ourselves, "You are dreaming," so I said 
 to myself, "You are awake: it is she." And 
 then I tried to be collected and quiet again, and 
 said to myself, " She is an amiable creature : a 
 E 
 
50 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 very remarkable mind." I even began to pity 
 her. And then I pictured to myself the pleasant 
 evenings I could spend there during the vacation. 
 But no, no : those were not my thoughts. She 
 was all that I had sought for, thought of, hoped 
 and believed in. Here, at length, was a human 
 soul, clear and fresh as a spring morning, 
 fragrant as the violets, bright as the stars. I 
 had perceived at the first glance all that she 
 was, all that was in her : we had welcomed and 
 recognised each other. And my own good 
 angel, — it seemed gone. It answered me no 
 longer, and I soon felt there was but one place 
 in the world where I could find it again. 
 
 Now began a bright life. Every evening I 
 was with her, and we soon felt that we really 
 were old friends, and that we could not call each 
 other anything but "thou." It was as if we had 
 always lived by and with one another. There 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 51 
 
 was not a feeling that she touched on that had 
 not already echoed in my soul ; and no thought 
 that I expressed but she answered with a kindly 
 nod, as if to say, I thought so too. I had once 
 heard the greatest master of our time improvise 
 with his sister on the pianoforte, and could 
 hardly conceive how two people could so under- 
 stand each other and feel together, as to give 
 free course to their thoughts, and yet never, 
 even by a single note destroy the harmony of 
 their playing. Now I could comprehend it. 
 Yes : now I first found that my own soul was 
 not so poor and empty as it had always seemed 
 to me, and it was as if the sun alone had been 
 wanting to call to light its buds and flowers. 
 And yet what a sad spring it was that rose over 
 her soul and mine. We forget, in May, that 
 the roses fade so soon ; but here, each evening 
 warned us that one leaf after another was falling 
 E 2 
 
^2 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 to the ground. She felt it sooner than I, and 
 spoke of it, without it seeming to give her pain ; 
 and our conversations became every day more 
 earnest and solemn. 
 
 " I did not think," she said one evening, when 
 I was about to leave her, " that I should live to 
 be so old. When I gave you the ring, on the 
 day of my confirmation, I thought that I must 
 soon take leave of you ; and yet I have lived 
 many years, and enjoyed much that was beauti- 
 ful. I have suffered much too — but one forgets 
 that, — and now, when I feel that the parting is 
 near, each hour, each minute, becomes so 
 precious. Good night : you must not come so 
 late to-morrow." 
 
 One day when I entered her room I found an 
 Italian painter with her. She spoke Italian 
 with him, and though he was evidently more of 
 an artisan than an artist, yet she spoke to him 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 53 
 
 with such kindliness, modesty, and even defer- 
 ence, that one perceived at once in her the true 
 nobility of birth, the nobility of soul. When 
 the painter was gone, she said to me, " Now I 
 will show you a picture that will please you : 
 the original is in the Louvre, in Paris. I read a 
 description of it, and had it copied for me by 
 the Italian." She showed me the picture, and 
 waited to hear what I should say. It was the 
 portrait of a man, of middle age, in old German 
 costume. The expression was dreamy and 
 resigned, but yet so true that one could not 
 doubt that the man had once lived. The whole 
 tone of the picture in the foreground was dark 
 and brown ; but in the background was a land- 
 scape, and on the horizon one perceived the first 
 glimmer of the coming dawn. I could discover 
 nothing in the picture, and yet it had a quieting 
 effect on me, and I could have spent hours with 
 
54 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 my eyes fixed upon it. " Nothing surpasses a 
 true human countenance," I said, "and even a 
 Raphael could hardly have invented such a one 
 as this." 
 
 " True," she said. " But now I will tell you 
 why I wished to have the picture. I read that 
 no one knew the painter, and no one knew 
 whom the picture represented. It is probably 
 a philosopher of the middle ages. I wanted 
 just such a picture for my gallery, for you know 
 that no one knows the author of the " Theologia 
 Germanica," and we have, therefore, no picture 
 of him. I wished to try whether a portrait of 
 an unknown person, by an unknown artist, 
 would do for our German theologian ; and if 
 you have nothing to say against it, we will hang 
 it up here, between the ' Albigenses ' and the 
 ' Diet of Worms/ and call it the ' German 
 Theologian.' " 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 55 
 
 "Very well," I said, '/but it is rather too 
 powerful and manly for the Frankfort doctor." 
 
 " That may be," she answered ; " but for a 
 suffering and dying life like mine, there is much 
 comfort and strength to be drawn from his book. 
 I have much to thank him for ; for he first 
 brought before me the true secret of Christian 
 doctrine in its wonderful simplicity. I felt I 
 was free to believe or not, for the doctrine of 
 the old teacher, whoever he may have been, had 
 no outward compulsion for me ; and yet it seized 
 on me with such power that it seemed as if 
 for the first time I realised what revelation was. 
 And it is just this which closes to so many the 
 entrance into true Christianity, — that its doc- 
 trines are brought before us as revelation, before 
 the revelation has taken place within us. This 
 has often disturbed me : not that I have ever 
 doubted the truth and true divinity of our 
 
=j6 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 religion, but I thought I had no right to a faith 
 given me by others, and I felt as if that did not 
 really belong to me which I had merely learned 
 and received as a child without understanding 
 it. No one can believe for us any more than 
 they can live and die for us." 
 
 "Certainly," I said. "The cause of many 
 heated and violent conflicts lies in this, — that 
 the doctrine of Christ, instead of winning our 
 hearts gradually and irresistibly as it won the 
 hearts of the Apostles and early Christians, 
 meets us from our earliest childhood as the 
 incontrovertible law of a mighty Church, and 
 claims from us an unqualified submission, which 
 we call faith. Doubt will rise sooner or later in 
 the breast of every one who has the power of 
 reflection and veneration for truth, and then 
 whilst we are just in the right way to gain our 
 faith, the spectres of doubt and unbelief rise 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 57 
 
 before us, and hinder the quiet growth of the 
 new life." 
 
 " I lately read," she interrupted, " in an English 
 book that truth makes revelation, not revelation 
 truth. And this exactly expresses what I felt 
 in reading the ' Theologia Germanica.' I read 
 the book, and felt the force of its truth so over- 
 poweringly that I was obliged to yield to it. The 
 truth was revealed to me ; or rather, I was 
 revealed to myself; I felt for the first time what 
 it means to believe. The truth belonged to me, 
 and had long slumbered within me, but the 
 words of the unknown Teacher pierced through 
 me like a ray of light and illuminated my inward 
 soul, bringing what was dark presentiment into 
 full clearness. And when I had thus once felt 
 how the human soul can believe, I resolved to 
 read the Gospels as if they too had been written 
 by an unknown Teacher. I banished as much 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 as possible the thought that they had been 
 breathed into the Apostles by the Holy Ghost 
 in a miraculous manner — that they had been 
 ratified by Councils, and acknowledged by the 
 Church as the highest authority for the one only 
 saving religion ; and then I first learnt to know 
 the meaning of Christian faith and Christian 
 revelation." 
 
 " It is only a wonder," I said, " that theologians 
 have not yet deprived us of all religion ; and 
 they will do so if the believers do not deter- 
 minately oppose them, and say to them, * Thus 
 far, but no further.' Each Church must have its 
 ministers, but there has as yet been no religion 
 in the world which the priests, the Brahmans, 
 the Shamans, the Bonzes, the Lamas, the 
 Pharisees and Scribes have not corrupted and 
 destroyed. They quarrel and argue in a 
 language which is incomprehensible to nine- 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 59 
 
 tenths of their community ; and instead of letting 
 themselves be inspired by the Gospel, and in- 
 spiring others by the same spirit, they string 
 together long proofs that the Gospels must be 
 true, because they were composed by inspired 
 men. What is this but a poor makeshift for 
 their own unbelief? Whence do they know 
 that these men were inspired in a wonderful 
 manner, without imputing to themselves a far 
 more wonderful inspiration ? They evidently 
 felt this themselves, and they therefore extended 
 the gift of inspiration to the Fathers of the 
 Church : they even ascribed it to those who 
 formed the majorities in the determinations of 
 the Councils. But the old question arose again, 
 How do we know that among fifty Bishops 
 twenty-six were inspired and twenty-four not ? 
 Then comes at length the last despairing step ; 
 and we are told that by the laying on of hands 
 
6o GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 inspiration and infallibility dwell in the head or 
 heads of the Church even to this day, and that 
 the infallibility of these men, utter strangers to 
 us, makes all inward conviction, all self-surrender, 
 all faithful introspection superfluous. But for 
 all that and all that, the old, simple question 
 will never be silenced — How can B know that 
 A is inspired, unless B be as much inspired ao 
 A, or even more ? for to know that A is inspired 
 does surely involve more than being inspired 
 oneself." 
 
 " I had not so clearly comprehended this," 
 she said ; " but I often felt how difficult it must 
 be to know if any one truly loves, for there is no 
 sign of love that may not be falsified. And 
 then I thought that no one could know it but 
 he who himself knows what love is, and that he 
 also would only believe in the love of another 
 so far as he has faith in his own love. And as 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 6 I 
 
 with the gift of love, so it is with the gift of the 
 Holy Ghost — those on whom it descends hear a 
 sound from heaven as of a mighty wind, and see 
 the cloven tongues as if they were of fire ; but 
 the others are terrified, and become angry, or 
 mock and say we are ' full of new wine.' 
 
 " But, as I told you, it is the ' Theologia 
 Germanica ' that I have to thank for teaching 
 me to believe in my faith, and just what to 
 many would seem a defect, strengthened me the 
 most — namely, that the old Teacher never 
 thinks of regularly proving his propositions. 
 He scatters them as a sower, in the hope that 
 some seeds will fall on good ground, and bear 
 fruit a thousand fold. So also our Divine 
 Teacher never sought to prove His doctrines, 
 for the full consciousness of truth disdains the 
 form of demonstration." 
 
 "Yes," I interrupted her, for 1 could npt help 
 
62 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 thinking of the wonderful chain of demonstra- 
 tion in Spinoza's Ethics ; " and therefore the 
 scrupulous care with which Spinoza produces 
 his arguments always gives me the impression 
 that this acute reasoner could not have believed 
 his own doctrines with all his heart, and had, 
 for that very reason, felt the need of fastening 
 so strongly each mesh of the net. But," I con- 
 tinued, " I must own I do not share this great 
 admiration for the 'Theologia Germanica,' though 
 I have to thank the book for many suggestions. 
 But to me it is wanting in the human and the 
 poetical, and above all, in a warm feeling and 
 reverence for the real. The whole Mysticism 
 of the fourteenth century seems to me useful as 
 a preparation ; but it first attained its solution 
 in that manly and courageous return to actual 
 life which we find in Luther. Man must, once 
 in his life, perceive nothingness ; he must feel 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 63 
 
 that of himself he is nothing ; that his being, his 
 beginning, his eternal life, are rooted and hid in 
 something superterrestrial and incomprehensible. 
 That is the return to God which in this life, in- 
 deed, never leads to the goal ; but it leaves a 
 divine longing after home which never ceases. 
 But man cannot abolish the act of creation as the 
 Mystics desire. Though formed from nothing, 
 that is to say, by and of God alone, he cannot 
 through his own power return to nothing ; and 
 the self-annihilation of which Tauler so often 
 speaks is hardly better than the Nirvana, or the 
 'going out ' of the human soul, of the Buddhists. 
 Tauler says 'that if, from great reverence and 
 love to the Highest, he could become a nothing, 
 he would willingly sink before God's Majesty 
 down to the lowest abyss.' But this annihila- 
 tion of the creature was not the will of the 
 Creator, for He created it ' God makes Him- 
 
64 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 self into man/ says Augustine, ' not man into 
 God.' Mysticism should only be as the ordeal 
 by fire, to steel the human soul, not to dissolve 
 it away into vapour like boiling water in a 
 cauldron. He who has perceived the nothing- 
 ness of Self should yet recognise this Self as a 
 reflex of the truly divine Self. The ' Theologia 
 Germanica ' says : 
 
 " * That which has flowed forth from the Perfect is no 
 true substance, and hath no substance except in the 
 Perfect, but is an accident or a brightness, or a visible 
 appearance, which is no substance and hath no sub- 
 stance, except in the fire whence the brightness flows 
 forth, such as in the sun or a candle.' 
 
 " But that which flows from the Divine Being, 
 be it but as the flame of the fire, must yet have 
 Divine reality in itself, and one might almost 
 ask, What were the fire without flame, the sun 
 without light, the Creator without the creature ? 
 But these are questions of which it is truly said : 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 65 
 
 '* * Whatever man or creature desireth to dive into 
 and understand the sacred counsel and will of God 
 desireth the same as Adam and the devil.' 
 
 " Therefore it should be enough for us to feel 
 that we are a reflex of the Divine Being, and to 
 shine more and more unto the perfect day. The 
 divine light which is in us we may not place 
 under a bushel or extinguish, but let it shine 
 forth to lighten and warm all around us. Then 
 we feel a living fire in every vein, and a higher 
 consecration to the battle of life. Even the 
 smallest duties remind us of God : the earthly 
 becomes divine, the temporal eternal, and our 
 whole life is as a life in God, God is not eternal 
 rest, but eternal life, and this Angelius Silesius 
 forgets when he says, ' God is without will.' 
 
 ** We pray, O Lord our God, do Thou Thy holy will ! 
 And see, God has no will : He is at peace and still.' " 
 
 * Wir beten, " Es gescheh' mein Herr und Gott dein Wille,' 1 
 Und, sich, er hat.nicht Will; er ist ein' ew'ge Stille. 
 
66 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 She listened to me quietly, and after a little 
 reflection said, " Health and strength are 
 required for your faith, but there are also life- 
 weary souls who long for rest and sleep, who 
 feel themselves so lonely, that when they fall 
 asleep in God they will miss the world as little 
 as the world will miss them. To them it is a 
 foretaste of heavenly rest when they can even 
 here lose themselves in the Divine ; and they 
 can do so because no bond binds them to this 
 world, no wish disturbs their heart but the desire 
 for rest 
 
 •* Rest is the highest good, and were our God not rest, 
 I must needs close my eyes, though by His vision 
 blest.' 
 
 " And you are unjust to the German theolo- 
 gian. He teaches, indeed, the nothingness of 
 
 * Ruir ist das hochste Gut, und ware Gott niclit Ruh, 
 Ich schliige vor ihm sellwt meine Augen beide ru. 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 67 
 
 outward life, but he would not therefore see it 
 annihilated. Read me the 28th Chapter." 
 
 I took the book and read, whilst she shut her 
 eyes and listened. 
 
 " * Now when this union truly cometh to pass and 
 becometh real, the inward man standeth henceforward 
 immovable in this union j and God suffereth the outward 
 man to be moved hither and thither, from this to that, 
 among such things as are necessary and right. So that 
 the outward man saith in all sincerity, " I have no will 
 to be or not to be, to live or die, to know or not to know, 
 to do or to leave undone, and the like; but I am ready 
 for all such things as are necessary and right, and 
 obedient thereunto, whether I have to do or to suffer." 
 And thus the outward man has no wherefore or purpose, 
 but only to satisfy the Eternal will. For it is perceived 
 of a truth, that the inward man shall stand immovable, 
 and that it is needful for the outer man to be moved. 
 And if the inward man have any Wherefore in his move- 
 ments, it is only that such things must be, and ought to 
 be, as are ordained by the Eternal will. And where 
 God Himself is the Man, it is thus, as we plainly 
 see, in Christ. Moreover, where all this takes place in 
 and from a divine light, there is no spiritual pride or 
 
68 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 irreverent freedom, but boundless humility and a lowly, 
 broken heart ; also an honest, blameless walk, justice, 
 truth, peace, content, and all that is of virtue must needs 
 be there. Where it is otherwise, there it is wrong, as 
 we have said. For just as neither this thing nor that 
 can bring about or further this union, so there is nothing 
 which hath power to frustrate or hinder it, save the man 
 himself with his self-will, that doeth him this great wrong. 
 Of this be well assured.' " 
 
 " That is enough," she said ; " and I think we 
 understand each other now. In another place 
 our unknown friend says yet more plainly, that 
 no man can be still before death, and that the 
 Godlike man is like the hand of God, and does 
 nothing of himself but what God wills, or is like 
 a house in which God dwells. And a man filled 
 with God's Spirit feels this indeed, but does not 
 speak of it, but guards his life in God like a secret 
 of love. I often feel like that silver poplar before 
 my window. Now in the evening it is quite still, 
 not a leaf trembles or moves, and even when the 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 69 
 
 morning air stirs and shakes every leaf, still 
 the stem with its branches stands firm and 
 immovable ; and when the autumn comes, 
 every leaf, once so full of life, falls to the 
 ground and decays ; — but the stem awaits 
 another spring." 
 
 She had learnt to live so entirely in this world 
 that I did not wish to rouse her from it. Had I 
 not torn myself from the magic circle of these 
 thoughts with great difficulty? and I hardly 
 knew whether she had not chosen the good part 
 which could not be taken from her, whilst the rest 
 of us are careful and troubled about many things. 
 
 So each evening brought a fresh conversation, 
 and with each evening a new vista opened itself 
 to me into this immeasurable mind. She had 
 no secret from me ; her conversation was merely 
 thinking and feeling aloud ; and all that she said 
 must have lived in her for many years, for she 
 
70 GERMAN LOVF, 
 
 flung out her thoughts as carelessly as a child, 
 who having picked its lap full of flowers 
 throws them away on the grass. I could not 
 open my soul to her so freely as she opened hers, 
 . and that oppressed and disturbed me. And yet 
 amidst the ceaseless untruths which society im- 
 poses on us, call them custom, politeness, discre- 
 tion, prudence, worldly wisdom, or anything 
 else, how few can retain or recover, even 
 when they wish it, the full truth of their nature ! 
 How few remember that they are but wearing a 
 mask in life's masquerade ! Even love may not 
 speak its own words, or keep its own silence, but 
 must learn the jargon of the poets ; and must 
 rave and sigh, instead of freely greeting, and 
 gazing, and giving itself away. I would rather 
 have confessed to her, and said, "You do 
 not know me ;" but I felt my words were not 
 entirely true. Before I went away I left with 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 7 I 
 
 her a volume of Arnold's poems, which I had 
 just received, and begged her to read one called 
 " The Buried Life." This was my confession ; 
 and then I knelt by her couch, and said, " Good 
 night." "Good night," she said, and laid her 
 hand on my head. And again something stole 
 through all my limbs, and the dreams of child- 
 hood floated through my spirit, and I could 
 not move, but I looked into those deep, un- 
 fathomable eyes, until the peace of her spirit 
 overshadowed my own. Then I rose and went 
 home silently ; and in the night I dreamed of 
 a silver poplar, round which the wind roared, 
 but not a single leaf in its branches moved or 
 trembled. 
 
 THE BURIED LIFE. 
 
 Light flows our war of mocking words, and yet. 
 Behold, with tears mine eyes are wet 
 
72 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 I feel a nameless sadness o'er me roll. 
 
 Yes, yes, we know that we can jest, 
 
 We know, we know that we can smile ! 
 
 But there's a something in this breast 
 
 To which thy light words bring no rest, 
 
 And thy gay smiles no anodyne. 
 
 Give me thy hand, and hush awhile, 
 
 And turn those limpid eyes on mine, 
 
 And let me read there, love, thy inmost soul ! 
 
 Alas, is even love too weak 
 
 To unlock the heart, and let it speak ? 
 
 Are even lovers powerless to reveal 
 
 To one another what indeed they feel ? 
 
 I knew the mass of men conceal'd 
 
 Their thoughts, for fear that if reveal'd 
 
 They would by other men be met 
 
 With blank indifference, or with blame reproved ; 
 
 I knew they lived and moved 
 
 Trick'd in disguises, alien to the rest 
 
 Of men, and alien to themselves ! — and yet 
 
 The same heart beats in every human breast. 
 
 But we, my love, — doth a like spell benumb 
 
 Our hearts ? — our voices ? — must we too be dumb ? 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 73 
 
 Ah ! well for us, if even we, 
 
 Even for a moment, can get free 
 
 Our heart, and have our lips unchain'd ; 
 
 For that which seals them hath been deep ordain'd ! 
 
 Fate, which foresaw 
 
 How frivolous a baby man would be, 
 
 By what distractions he would be possess'd, 
 
 How he would pour himself in every strife, 
 
 And well-nigh change his own identity ; 
 
 That it might keep from his capricious play 
 
 His genuine self, and force him to obey 
 
 Even in his own despite his being's law, 
 
 Bade through the deep recesses of our breast 
 
 The unregarded river of our life 
 
 Pursue with indiscernible flow its way; 
 
 And that we should not see 
 
 The buried stream, and seem to be 
 
 Eddying at large, in blind uncertainty, 
 
 Though driving on with it eternally. 
 
 But often, in the world's most crowded streets, 
 
 But often, in the din of strife, 
 
 There rises an unspeakable desire 
 
 After the knowledge of our buried life, 
 
 A thirst to spend our fire and restless force 
 
 In tracking out our true, original course ; 
 
74 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 A longing to inquire 
 
 Into the mystery of this heart that beats 
 
 So wild, so deep in us, — to know 
 
 Whence our thoughts come and where they go. 
 
 And many a man in his own breast then delves, 
 
 But deep enough, alas, none ever mines I 
 
 And we have been on many thousand lines, 
 
 And we have shown, on each, spirit and power ; 
 
 But hardly have we, for one little hour, 
 
 Been on our own line, have we been ourselves ! 
 
 Hardly had skill to utter one of all 
 
 The nameless feelings that course through our breast 
 
 But they course on for ever unexpress'd ! 
 
 And long we try in vain to speak and act 
 
 Our hidden self, and what we say and do 
 
 Is eloquent, is well — but 'tis not true, 
 
 And then we will no more be rack'd 
 
 With inward striving, and demand 
 
 Of all the thousand nothings of the hour 
 
 Their stupefying power ; 
 
 Ah yes, and they benumb us at our call ! 
 
 Yet still, from time to time, vague and forlorn, 
 
 From the soul's subterranean depth upborne 
 
 As from an infinitely distant land, 
 
 Come airs, and floating echoes, and convey 
 
 A melancholy into all our day. 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 75 
 
 Only, but this is rare ! 
 
 When a beloved hand is laid in ours, 
 
 When, jaded with the rush and glare 
 
 Of the interminable hours, 
 
 Our eyes can in another's eyes read clear, 
 
 When our world-deafen'd ear 
 
 Is by the tones of a loved voice caress'd, — 
 
 A bolt is shot back somewhere in our breast. 
 
 And a lost pulse of feeling stirs again. 
 
 The eye sinks inward, and the heart lies plain, 
 
 And what we mean, we say, and what we would, we know ! 
 
 A man becomes aware of his life's flow, 
 
 And hears its winding murmur, and he sees 
 
 The meadows where it glides, the sun, the breeze. 
 
 And there arrives a lull in the hot race, 
 W T herein he doth for ever chase 
 That flying and elusive shadow, rest. 
 An air of coolness plays upon his face, 
 And an unwonted calm pervades his breast. 
 And then he thinks he knows 
 The hills where his life rose, 
 And the sea where it goes. 
 
SIXTH RECOLLECTION. 
 
 T^ ARLY the next morning there was a knock 
 at my door, and my old doctor entered. 
 He was the friend, the guardian of every soul 
 and body in our little city. He had seen two 
 generations grow up, and the children that he 
 had brought into the world had themselves 
 become fathers and mothers, and he looked upon 
 them all as his own children. He was unmar- 
 ried, though even in his old age he might still be 
 called strong and handsome. I never knew him 
 otherwise than as he then stood before me : 
 his clear blue eyes shining from beneath his 
 bushy eyebrows ; his white hair, still full of 
 youthful vigour, curling and thick. I see his 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 77 
 
 shoes with silver buckles, his white stockings, 
 and the brown coat, which always looked new, 
 and yet always seemed the old one ; and his 
 gold-headed cane was the same which as a child 
 I had often seen standing by my bed-side when 
 he felt my pulse and prescribed medicine for me. 
 I had often been ill, but faith in this man always 
 made me well again. I never had the least 
 doubt that he could cure me ; and when my 
 mother said she must send for the old doctor to 
 make me well again, it was the same to me as 
 if she had said she must send to the tailor to 
 mend my torn trowsers : I had only to take the 
 medicine, and I felt that I must recover. 
 
 " How are you, my young friend ?" he said, as 
 he entered the room. " You do not look quite 
 well, — you must not study too much. But I have 
 no time to-day for talking : I only came to say, 
 you must not go again to the Countess Maria. 
 
78 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 I have been with her the whole night, and that 
 is your fault ; therefore, mind, if her life is dear 
 to you, do not visit her again. As soon as pos- 
 sible she must go away into the country. It 
 would be better if you were to travel for a while. 
 So good day, and be a good boy." 
 
 With these words he gave me his hand, looked 
 kindly into my eyes as if he would exact a pro- 
 mise from me ; and then went on further to visit 
 his sick children. 
 
 I was so astonished that another person 
 should all at once have penetrated so deeply 
 into the secrets of my soul as to know what 
 I myself hardly knew, that I only began to 
 think when he was already far up the street. 
 Then my heart began to heave like water that 
 has long stood beside the fire without move- 
 ment and suddenly boils up, and bubbles, and 
 mounts, and hisses, till it overflows. 
 
GF.RMAN LOVE. 
 
 Not to see her again ? I only live when I am 
 near her. I will be quiet ; I will not speak a 
 word to her ; I will only stand at the window as 
 she sleeps and dreams. But not to see her again ? 
 Not even to take leave of her ? She does not 
 know, — she cannot know, that I love her. I do 
 not love her. I desire nothing ; I hope nothing : 
 my heart never beats more quietly than when I 
 am near her. But I must feel her presence ; I 
 must breathe her spirit ; I must go to her : and 
 she expects me. And has fate brought us to- 
 gether without intention ? Am I not to be her 
 comfort ? Is she not to be my rest ? Life is no 
 mere game : it does not drive two human souls 
 together like two grains of sand in the desert, 
 which the simoom whirls together and then 
 drives apart. The souls which are brought near 
 us by a kind fate, we must hold fast, for they 
 are intended for us, and no power can tear them 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 from us if we have courage to live, to struggle, 
 to die for them. She would despise me if I 
 were to give up her love at the first clap of 
 thunder, like the shadow of a tree beneath which 
 I had dreamed away so many happy hours. 
 
 Then suddenly all became still within me, and 
 I heard only the words, "her love," and they 
 sounded again from every corner of my heart as 
 an echo, and I was frightened at myself. "Her 
 love," — and how had I deserved it ? She hardly 
 knew me, and if she could ever love me, must I 
 not myself confess to her that I did not deserve 
 the love of an angel ? Each thought, each hope 
 that rose in my soul fell back, like a bird which 
 tries to soar into the blue sky and does not see 
 the wire which incloses him on every side. But 
 then, wherefore all this blessedness so near, and 
 so unattainable ? Cannot God work miracles ? 
 Does He not work miracles every morning ? 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 8 I 
 
 Has He not often listened to my prayer, when 
 it rose to Him in full faith and would not let 
 Him go till it won comfort and help for the 
 weary ? It is no earthly blessing for which we 
 pray ; it is only that two souls who have found 
 and recognised each other may finish this short 
 journey of life arm in arm, face to face, — that I 
 may be a support to her in her sufferings, and 
 she my comfort or my sweet charge till we reach 
 the goal. And if a late spring were still granted 
 to her life, if her sufferings were removed, — oh, 
 what blessed pictures passed before my eyes ! 
 The castle of her mother in the Tyrol belonged 
 to her. There, on the green hills, in the fresh 
 mountain air, among a healthy unspoiled people, 
 far away from the bustle of the world, from its 
 cares and struggles, with no one to envy us, no 
 one to judge, in what blessed peace we could 
 contemplate the evening of life, and "silently 
 G 
 
82 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 pass away like the evening glow." Then I saw 
 the dark lake, with the glance of its living waves, 
 and in them the clear reflection of the distant 
 glacier ; and I heard the bells of the herds, and 
 the songs of the herdsmen, and saw the hunters 
 with their rifles clamber over the mountains, and 
 the old and young gather together of an evening 
 in the village, — and over all I saw her form 
 floating like an angel of peace, and I was her 
 guide and her friend. " Fool," I cried aloud : 
 " fool, is thy heart still so wild and so weak ? 
 Nerve thyself : think who thou art, and how far 
 removed from her. She is kindly, and she likes, 
 to see herself mirrored in another soul ; but her 
 childlike confidence and ease best prove that no 
 deeper feeling for thee lives in her breast. Hast 
 thou not seen on many a bright summer night, 
 in wandering alone through the beech woods, 
 how the moon shed its silver light over every 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 83 
 
 branch and leaf, and how it even lighted up the 
 dark, gloomy waters of the fish-pond, and re- 
 flected itself brightly in the smallest drop ? So 
 she looks out upon this night of life, and thou 
 mayest bear her soft light reflected in the heart, 
 but hope not for a warmer ray." 
 
 Then her image rose suddenly, as if alive, 
 before my eyes ! she stood before me, not as a 
 memory, but as a vision, and for the first time I 
 was aware how beautiful she was. It was not 
 the beauty of form, or of colouring, such as 
 dazzles us at the first sight of a lovely maiden, 
 and which will pass away as quickly as a spring 
 blossom. It was the harmony of her whole 
 being, the truth of every movement, the spiritual 
 expression, the perfect interpenetration of body 
 and soul, which gave such delight to those who 
 saw her. The beauty which nature lavishes so 
 profusely does not please, unless the possessor 
 G2 
 
84 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 can appropriate it, and, as it were, deserve and 
 conquer it. No : it rather offends ; as when we see 
 an actress on the stage advance in royal robes, and 
 observe at every step how little her dress suits her, 
 how little it belongs to her. Grace is real beauty, 
 and grace alone is the spiritualizing of all that is 
 dull and material and earthly ; it is that presence 
 of the spirit which can even make the ugly beauti- 
 ful. The more closely I observed the vision which 
 stood before me, the more I perceived the noble 
 beauty of every lineament, and the depth of soul 
 that lay in her whole being. Oh, what blessed- 
 ness was near me ! and was it all only to show 
 me the highest summit of earthly happiness, and 
 then to cast me down for ever into the flat sandy 
 waste of life ? Oh, that I had never imagined what 
 treasures this earth holds ! But to love once, and 
 then to be alone for ever ! to believe once, and then 
 to despair for ever ! to see the light once, and then 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 85 
 
 to be blind for ever ! that is torture compared to 
 which all human torture-chambers are as nothing. 
 
 And thus the wild hunt of my thoughts swept 
 on and on till at last all became still, and the 
 whirling feelings were gradually collected and 
 composed. Men call this quiet exhaustion reflec- 
 tion ; but we are really not reflecting, we are only 
 looking on. We leave our thoughts to themselves 
 till they shoot into crystals spontaneously, or ac- 
 cording to eternal laws; we watch the process like 
 an attentive chemist, and when the elements have 
 taken their form we often wonder that they and 
 we are so very different from what we expected. 
 
 The first word I spoke as I roused myself from 
 my trance, was, " I must go." I sat down that 
 same moment and wrote to the doctor that I was 
 going away for a fortnight, and left all to him. 
 An excuse was soon found for my parents, and 
 that evening I was on my way to the Tyrol 
 
SEVENTH RECOLLECTION. 
 
 r I s O wander arm in arm with a friend through 
 the valleys and over the mountains of 
 the Tyrol, gives us fresh strength and joy of 
 life ; but to .pursue the same way alone with 
 one's thoughts, is but lost time, lost toil. Of 
 what benefit to me are the green mountains, and 
 the dark ravines, the blue lake, and the mighty 
 waterfall ? Instead of my looking at them, they 
 look at me, and wonder at the desolate human 
 face ; and it almost broke my heart to feel that I 
 had found no one in the whole world who would 
 rather be with me than with any other human 
 being. With such thoughts I woke every morn- 
 ing, and, like a tune that we cannot get out of 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 87 
 
 our heads, they followed me the whole day. 
 And when of an evening I entered the inns and sat 
 down wearily, and the people in the room looked 
 at me, and every one wondered at the lonely 
 wanderer, my feelings often forced me out 
 again into the night, when no one saw me 
 alone ; and then I crept back again, quite late 
 and went softly up to my room, and threw my- 
 self on my hot bed, and till I slept, that song of 
 Schubert's echoed through my soul : " Peace is 
 where thou thyself art not." At length the sight 
 of the people, that I met everywhere rejoicing 
 and glad and laughing amid the exquisite scenery, 
 became so insupportable that I slept during the 
 day-time, and pursued my journey from place to 
 place during the clear moonlight nights. There 
 was, at least, one feeling that drove away and 
 diverted my thoughts, and that was fear. For 
 let any one try to climb up the mountains alone 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 the whole night through, on an unknown road, 
 when the eye unnaturally strained sees distant 
 forms which it cannot distinguish, when the ear 
 with morbid intensity hears sounds without know- 
 ing whence they proceed, when the foot suddenly 
 stumbles, be it over a root breaking through the 
 rock, or over a slippery path moistened by the 
 spray of a waterfall, — and at the same time a 
 hopeless blank in the heart, — no recollections by 
 which to warm the soul, no hope to which to 
 cling ; let any one try this, and both outwardly 
 and inwardly he will feel the cold chill of night. 
 The earliest fear of the human heart arises from 
 being forsaken by God ; but life drives this 
 away, and men, all children of God, comfort 
 us in our loneliness. But when their help and 
 love forsake us again, then we feel what is 
 meant by being deserted by God and man, and 
 nature with its dumb glance frightens us more 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 89 
 
 than it consoles us. Yes, even when we plant 
 our foot firmly on the solid rocks, they seem to 
 tremble like the foam of the sea from whence 
 they once slowly arose; and when the eye longs 
 for light, and the moon rises behind the fir woods 
 and draws their sharp points on the bright wall 
 of rocks opposite, they look to us like the dead 
 hands of a clock which was once wound up, and 
 will some day cease to move. Even in the stars 
 and the distant vault of heaven there is no sup- 
 port for the soul, which trembles and feels itself 
 alone and deserted. Only one thought brings us 
 comfort sometimes ; — that is, the quiet, the order, 
 the immensity, and the certainty of Nature's 
 work. Here, where the waterfall has clothed the 
 grey stone on both sides with dark green moss, 
 deep in the cool shadow a blue forget-me-not 
 suddenly catches the eye : it is one of millions of 
 sisters that now bloom by every streamlet and 
 
go GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 over every meadow of the earth, and have 
 bloomed ever since the first morning of creation 
 scattered the whole wealth of inexhaustible power 
 over the world. Each line on its leaves, every 
 stamen in its calyx, every filament of its roots is 
 numbered, and no power on earth can increase 
 or decrease them. When we aid our dim-sighted 
 eyes, and with superhuman power look deeper 
 into the secrets of nature, when the microscope 
 opens to us the quiet laboratories of the seed, of 
 the buds, and of the flowers, we perceive anew in 
 the finest tissues and cells the same constantly 
 recurring form, and in the slightest filaments the 
 eternal unchangeableness of nature's laws. Could 
 we go still deeper, the same world of forms would 
 everywhere meet our eyes, and as in a room sur- 
 rounded with mirrors, the eye would lose itself in 
 endless repetitions. Such an infinity lies buried 
 in this little flower ; and if we look up to heaven 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 91 
 
 we trace the same eternal order, as moons 
 revolve round planets, planets round suns, and 
 suns round new suns ; and to the sharpened eye 
 the most distant nebula becomes a beautiful new 
 world. Think then, how those majestic stars circle 
 round and round that the seasons of the year 
 may change, that the seed of this forget-me-not 
 may rise again into life, the cells open, the leaves 
 spring forth, and the flowers adorn the carpet of 
 the fields ; and think of the butterfly that cradles 
 itself in the blue cup of the flower, and whose 
 awakening to life, and whose enjoyment of ex- 
 istence, whose living breath is a thousand times 
 more wonderful than the tissues of the plant, or 
 the dead mechanism of the heavenly bodies, and 
 feel that thou also dost belong to this eternal 
 world, — and thou mayest console thyself with the 
 innumerablecreatures that move and live and fade 
 away with thee. But if this all, — with its smallest 
 
92 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 and its greatest creatures, with its wisdom 
 and its might, with the wonder of its existence 
 and the existence of its wonders, — is the work of 
 a Being before whom thy soul need not tremble, 
 before whom thou canst bow in the feeling of thy 
 weakness and nothingness, and to whom thou 
 canst look up, trusting in His love and com- 
 passion, — if thou dost feel truly that in thee lives 
 something more lasting and eternal than the tis- 
 sues of the flowers, the spheres of the planets, and 
 the life of the beetle, — if thou dost recognise in 
 thyself, as in a shadow, the lustre of the Eternal 
 shining around thee, — if thou dost feel in thee and 
 beneath thee and over thee the omnipresence of 
 Him in whom thy semblance becomes being, 
 thy agony rest, thy loneliness communion, — then 
 thou knowest to whom thou dost cry in the 
 darkest night of life, " Father, Thy will be done : 
 as in heaven, so on earth ; as on earth, so in me." 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 93 
 
 Then all within and around thee becomes clear : 
 the morning twilight with its cold mists vanishes, 
 and new warmth streams through trembling 
 nature. Thou hast found a hand which thou 
 wilt never leave, — which will hold thee when the 
 mountains tremble and the planets are extin- 
 guished. Wherever thou art, thou art with Him, 
 and He with Thee ; He is the Ever-near ; His is 
 the world, with its flowers and thorns ; and His 
 is man, with his joys and sorrows. " Not the 
 slightest thing can happen to thee,, but by the 
 will of God." 
 
 With such thoughts I pursued my way, 
 sometimes happy, sometimes sad ; for even 
 when we have attained rest and peace in the 
 deepest recesses of the soul, it is difficult to 
 remain in that holy solitude. Yes : many forget 
 it again, after they have found it, and hardly 
 know the way that will lead them back to it. 
 
94 GFRMAN I OVE. 
 
 Weeks had flown by, and not a syllable from 
 her had reached me. " Perhaps she is dead, 
 and lies in quiet rest," was another song that 
 floated on my tongue, and always returned as 
 often as I drove it from me. It was possible ; 
 for the doctor had told me she had a heart com- 
 plaint, and each morning when he went to her 
 he was prepared to find her no longer aHve. 
 And if she had left this earth without my hav- 
 ing taken leave of her, without my having told 
 her even at the last moment how I loved her, 
 could I ever forgive myself? Must I not follow 
 her till I found her again, till I heard from 
 her that she loved me, and that she forgave me ? 
 How men play with life, and delay from day 
 to day the deed that they might do, and the 
 greatest delight that they might enjoy, with- 
 out thinking that every day, every hour may be 
 the'V last, and that lest time is lost eternity ! 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 95 
 
 Then all the words of the doctor, when I last 
 saw him came back to me, and I felt that I had 
 only resolved on my sudden departure to show 
 him my firmness, — that it would have been 
 harder to me to confess my weakness to him 
 and remain. Now it seemed clear to me that 
 there was but one duty for me, — to return to her 
 without delay, and to bear all that Heaven 
 might send us. But just as I had made a plan 
 for my return, there suddenly rose to my 
 memory the words of the old doctor : "As soon 
 as possible she must go away into the country." 
 She had herself told me that she generally spent 
 the summer at her castle. Perhaps she was 
 there, close to me ; in a day I could be with her. 
 No sooner thought than done. By day-break I 
 had started, and in the evening I stood at the 
 door of the castle. 
 
 The evening was still and bright. The summits 
 
o6 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 of the mountains shone in the full glory of a 
 golden sunset, and the lower slopes were bathed 
 in a rosy blue. From the valleys a grey mist 
 was rising, which suddenly became bright when 
 it floated up into the higher regions, and then 
 like a sea of clouds floated towards heaven. And 
 this whole play of colours was reflected again in 
 the slightly heaving bosom of the dark lake, on 
 whose shores the mountains seemed to rise and to 
 sink ; so that only the tops of the trees, and the 
 pointed church tower, and the rising smoke from 
 the houses, indicated the line where the real 
 world parted from its reflection. But my eye 
 was directed to one point only, — that was the 
 old castle, where a presentiment told me I should 
 find her again. No light was visible in the win- 
 dows, no step broke the silence of evening. Had 
 my presentiment deceived me? I went slowly 
 through the first gateway, and up the steps, till 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 97 
 
 I stood in the court-yard of the castle. Here I 
 saw a sentinel walking up and down, and I flew to 
 him to inquire who was in the castle. " The 
 Countess is here and her attendants," was the 
 short answer ; and in an instant I stood at the 
 chief entrance and had already rung the bell. 
 Then it first struck me what I had done. No one 
 knew me, and I could not, dared not, say who I 
 was. I had wandered for weeks through the 
 mountains and looked like a beggar. What 
 should I say ? Whom should I ask for ? But 
 there was no time to consider. The door opened, 
 and a porter in the princely livery stood before 
 me, and looked wonderingly at me. 
 
 I asked whether the English lady, who I knew 
 never left the Countess, was in the castle ; and 
 as the porter answered in the affirmative, I asked 
 for paper and ink, and wrote to her that I was 
 here to inquire how the Countess was. 
 H 
 
98 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 The porter called a servant, who carried the 
 letter upstairs. I heard each step in the long 
 passages ; and with each minute that I waited 
 my position became more intolerable. On the 
 walls hung old family pictures of the princely 
 house : knights in full armour, ladies in old- 
 fashioned costumes, and in the midst of them a 
 woman in the white dress of a nun, with a red 
 cross on her breast. At other times I had often 
 seen these pictures and never thought how a 
 human heart had once beat in every one of 
 them. But now it seemed as if I could suddenly 
 read whole volumes in their features, and as if 
 they all said to me, " We too once lived, we too 
 once suffered." Under this iron armour there 
 once lay secrets concealed, as now in my heart. 
 This white dress and this red cross are living wit- 
 nesses that here too a struggle was fought, such 
 as raged now in my breast And then they all 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 seemed to look on me with pity ; then again a 
 haughty pride lay in their features, as if they 
 would say, " You do not belong to us." Every 
 minute I became more restless, when sud- 
 denly a light step roused me from my dreams. 
 The English lady came down the staircase and 
 begged me to go into a room. I looked in- 
 quiringly at her, to see if she guessed what was 
 going on. But every feature was perfectly un- 
 moved, and without allowing herself the slightest 
 expression of interest or surprise, she told me in a 
 measured voice, that the Countess was much 
 better to-day, and invited me to come to her in 
 half-an-hour. 
 
 Like a good swimmer who ventures far out 
 into the sea, and first thinks of his return when 
 his arms begin to be tired, and then divides the 
 Avaves with speed, and hardly dares to raise his 
 eyes to the distant shore, who feels with every 
 H2 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 stroke that his power is failing, and yet will not 
 own it, till at last, powerless and convulsed, he 
 hardly preserves any consciousness of his situa- 
 tion, — then suddenly his feet touch the firm 
 ground, and his arm grasps the first boulder of 
 the shore, — so it was with me when I heard these 
 words. A new life of reality approached me, 
 and all I had suffered was a dream. There are 
 but few such moments in a man's life, and 
 thousands have never felt their magic But the 
 mother who for the first time cradles her child 
 in her arms, — the father who receives back his 
 only son from the war crowned with glory, — 
 the poet whose own nation greets him with ac- 
 clamations, the youth whose warm pressure of 
 the hand is returned by some loved one with 
 one yet warmer, — they know what is meant by 
 a dream turned to reality. 
 
 The half-hour was over, and a servant came 
 
GERMAN LOVE. IOI 
 
 and led me through a long suite of rooms, opened 
 a door, and in the faint evening light I saw a 
 white form, and above her a high window that 
 looked over the lake and the gleaming moun- 
 tains. 
 
 " How strangely people meet ! " echoed her 
 clear voice towards me, and each word was as a 
 cool rain-drop after a hot summers day. 
 
 " How strangely people meet, and how 
 strangely they lose themselves ! " I said, and 
 seized her hand and felt that we were again by 
 and with each other. 
 
 " But that is their own fault, when they lose 
 themselves," she continued, and her voice, which 
 always seemed to accompany her words like 
 music, changed involuntarily into a minor 
 key. 
 
 " Yes : that is true," I answered. " But tell 
 me first, are you well ? May I speak to you ? " 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 " My dear friend," she said, smiling, 4< I am 
 never well, as you know, and if I say that I feel 
 well, I do so only for love of my old doctor, for 
 he is quite certain that from my earliest years I 
 owe my whole life to him only and to his skill. 
 Before I left the capital I gave him a great 
 fright, for one evening my heart suddenly ceased 
 to beat, and I felt such agony that I thought it 
 would never begin to beat again. But that is 
 past, and why should we speak of it ? Only one 
 thing pains me. I always thought I should 
 close my eyes in perfect quiet, but now I feel 
 that my sufferings will disturb and embitter even 
 my departure from life." Then she laid her 
 hand on her heart, and said, " But tell me where 
 you have been, and why, all this time I have 
 heard nothing from you. The old doctor gave me 
 so many reasons for your sudden journey that I 
 at last said that I did not believe him, and then 
 
GERMAN LOVE. IO3 
 
 he gave me at length the most unbelievable of 
 all reasons. Guess what ? " 
 
 " It might appear incredible," I broke in, that 
 she might not utter the word : " and yet perhaps 
 it was but too true. But that too is past, and 
 why should we speak of it ? " 
 
 " But no, my friend," she said, " why should it 
 be past ? I told the doctor when he gave me the 
 last reason for your sudden journey, that I under- 
 stood neither him nor you. I am a poor, weak, 
 lonely being, and my earthly existence is but a 
 slow death. If heaven has sent me two souls 
 who understand me, or, as the doctor expressed 
 it, loved me, why should this disturb mine 
 or their peace ? I had just been reading in 
 my favourite poet, old Wordsworth, when the 
 doctor made his confesssion to me, and I said, 
 'My dear doctor, we have so many thoughts 
 and so few words, that we are forced to mix to- 
 
104 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 gether many thoughts in the same word. If now 
 any one who did not know us heard that my 
 young friend loved me and I him, he might 
 think it was as Romeo loved Juliet, and Juliet 
 Romeo, and then you would be quite right in 
 saying that must not be. But is it not true, my 
 old doctor, that you also love me and I love 
 you ? and I have loved you for many years, and 
 yet perhaps have never owned it to you yet. I am 
 neither in despair nor unhappy from it. Yes, my 
 dear doctor, I will say something more to you : 
 I think you have a deep affection for me, and 
 are jealous of our young friend. Do you 
 not come every morning to see how I am, 
 even when you know perfectly that I am quite 
 well ? Do you not bring me the finest flowers 
 from your garden ? Have I not been obliged to 
 give you my picture ? — and, I ought perhaps not 
 to betray it,- — did you not last Sunday come into 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 I05 
 
 my room, and you thought I was asleep ? I 
 really slept, or at least I could not have roused 
 myself; but I saw you sitting a long time by my 
 bed, your eyes immovably fixed on me, and I 
 felt them like sunbeams playing on my face ; 
 and at last your eyes grew dim, and I felt great 
 tears fall from them ; then you hid your face in 
 your hands and sobbed aloud, " Maria, Maria." 
 Ah, my dear doctor, our young friend has never 
 done that, and yet you have sent him away.' As 
 I spoke so to him, half in fun, half in earnest, as 
 I always speak, I felt I had hurt the old man ; 
 he became quite still and blushed like a child. 
 Then I took a volume of Wordsworth's poems, in 
 which I had just been reading, and said, ' Here is 
 another old man whom I love with all my heart, 
 who understands me and whom I understand, 
 and yet I have never seen him and shall never 
 see him, — that is the way of this world. Now I 
 
I06 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 will read you a poem of his ; th?n you will see 
 how men can love, and how love is a quiet bless- 
 ing which the lover lays on the bead of the 
 loved one, and then goes on his way in peaceful 
 gladness.' Then I read him Wordsworth's 
 ' Highland Girl.' And now, my friend, draw the 
 lamp nearer and read me that poem again, for it 
 refreshes me whenever I hear it ; a spirit breathes 
 in it like the quiet infinite glow of evening that 
 yonder lovingly spreads its arms in blessing round 
 the pure breast of the snow-clad mountains." 
 
 As her words sounded slowly and quietly 
 through my soul, all within my breast became 
 again still and solemn. The storm was over, 
 and her image floated like the silver image of 
 the moon on the gently-stirred waves of my love, 
 — this universal sea, which streams through the 
 hearts of all men, and that every one calls his 
 own, whilst it is really the pulse that animates all 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 107 
 
 humanity. I would rather have been silent like 
 nature, which lay stretched there before our eyes, 
 and which became ever stiller and darker ; but 
 she gave me the book, and so I read : — 
 
 "Sweet Highland girl, a very shower 
 Of beauty is thy earthly dower ! 
 Twice seven consenting years have shed 
 Their utmost bounty on thy head ; 
 And these grey rocks ; that household lawn : 
 Those trees, a veil just half withdrawn ; 
 This fall of water that doth make • . 
 A murmur near the silent lake ; 
 This little bay ; a quiet road 
 That holds in shelter thy abode, — 
 In truth together do ye seem 
 Like something fashioned in a dream : 
 Such forms as from their covert peep 
 When earthly cares are laid asleep I 
 But, O fair creature ! in the light 
 Of common day, so heavenly bright, 
 I bless thee, vision as thou art, 
 I bless thee with a human heart : 
 God shield thee to thy latest years ! 
 Thee neither know I, nor thy peers, 
 
108 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 And yet my eyes are filled with tears. 
 
 With earnest feeling I shall pray 
 For thee when I am far away ; 
 For never saw I mien or face 
 In which more plainly I could trace 
 Benignity and homebred sense 
 Ripening in perfect innocence. 
 Here scattered, like a random seed, 
 Remote from men, thou dost not need 
 The embarrassed look of shy distress 
 And maidenly shamefacedness ; 
 Thou wear'st upon thy forehead clear 
 The freedom of a mountaineer; 
 A face with gladness overspread ! 
 Soft smiles, by human kindness bred ! 
 And seemliness complete, that sways 
 Thy courtesies, about thee plays 
 With no restraint, but such as springs 
 From quick and eager visitings 
 Of thoughts that lie beyond the reach 
 Of thy few words of English speech : 
 A bondage sweetly brook 'd, a strife 
 That gives thy gestures grace and life ! 
 So have I, not unmoved in mind, 
 Seen birds of tempest-loving kind 
 Thus beating up against the wind. 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 What hand but would a garland cull 
 For thee who art so beautiful t 
 O happy pleasure ! here to dwell 
 Beside thee in some heathy dell ; 
 Adopt your homely ways and dress, 
 A shepherd, thou a shepherdess ! 
 But 1 could frame a wish for thee 
 More like a grave reality : 
 Thou art to me but as a wave 
 Of the wild sea ; and I would have 
 Some claim upon thee, if I could, 
 Though but of common neighbourhood. 
 What joy to hear thee, and to see ! 
 Thy elder brother I would be, 
 Thy father, — anything to thee ! 
 
 Now, thanks to Heaven ! that of its grace 
 
 Hath led me to this lonely place. 
 
 Joy have I had ; and going hence 
 
 I bear away my recompense. 
 
 In spots like these it is we prize 
 
 Our memory, — feel that she hath eye c • 
 
 Then why should I be loth to stir ? 
 
 I feel this place was made for h.ei, 
 
 To give new pleasure like the paM, 
 
 Continued long as life shall last. 
 
 Nor am I loth, though pleased at heart, 
 
IIO GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 Sweet Highland girl ! from theu to part; 
 
 For I, methinks, till I grow old, 
 
 As fair before me shall behold, 
 
 As I do now, the cabin small, 
 
 The lake, the bay, the waterfall, 
 
 And thee, the spirit of them all ! " 
 
 I had ended, and the poem had been to me as 
 a draught of fresh spring water, such as I had 
 lately so often drunk out of the cup of some 
 great green leaf. 
 
 Then I heard her soft voice, like the first notes 
 of an organ which rouse us from our dreaming 
 prayer, and she said : " So I wish you to love 
 me, and so the old doctor loves me, and so in 
 one way or another we ought all of us to love 
 and believe in each other. But the world, 
 although I know it so little, seems not to under- 
 stand this love and faith, and men have made 
 of this earth, where we might have lived so 
 happily, a sad desert. It must have been dif- 
 
GERMAN LOVE. Ill 
 
 ferent in early times, or how could Homer have 
 created the lovable, healthy, tender form of 
 Nausicaa. Nausicaa loved Odysseus at first 
 sight. She says so at once, to her friends : 
 * Oh, that such a man might be called my hus- 
 band ! that he would be content to remain here ! » 
 But yet she is ashamed to appear with him at 
 once in the city, and she tells him openly that if 
 she took home with her so handsome and stately 
 a stranger the people would say she had been to 
 fetch a husband. How simple and natural is all 
 this. But when she hears that he wishes to 
 return home to his wife and child, no murmur 
 escapes her : she disappears from our sight, 
 and we feel that she long carried in her heart 
 the image of the handsome, stately stranger, in 
 silent, joyful admiration. Why do not our poets 
 know this love, this happy confession, this quiet 
 parting ? A modern poet would have made 
 
12 GERMAN LOVK 
 
 Nausicaa into a female Werther, and that is 
 because love is nothing more for us than a pre- 
 lude to the comedy or tragedy of marriage. Is 
 there, then, really no other love now ? Is the 
 source of this pure happiness quite dried up ? 
 Do men only know the intoxicating drink, and 
 not the refreshing spring of love ? " 
 
 At these words I thought of the English poet 
 who complains : — 
 
 " From heaven if this belief be sent, 
 If such be nature's holy plan, 
 Have I not reason to lament 
 What man has made of man ? n 
 
 " But how happy are the poets," she said ; 
 " their words call the deepest feelings of a thou- 
 sand dumb hearts into life, and how often 
 have their songs been used as the confession of 
 the sweetest secrets ! Their heart beats in the 
 breasts of the poor and the rich ; the fortunate 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 113 
 
 sing and the afflicted weep with them. But 
 there is no poet I can so entirely feel my own as 
 Wordsworth. I know many of my friends do 
 not love him ; they say he is no poet : but it is 
 just this that I love in him. He avoids all ordi- 
 nary poet's phrases, all exaggeration, and all 
 that one means by the expression 'poetical 
 flights.' He is true ; and does not everything lie 
 in this word ? He opens our eyes to the beauty 
 that, like the daisy in the meadows, lies beneath 
 our feet ; he calls everything by its real name ; 
 he will not surprise, deceive, or dazzle ; he 
 will only show men how beautiful all is that 
 is not yet distorted and destroyed by the hand 
 of man. Is not a dew-drop on a blade of grass 
 more beautiful than a pearl set in gold ? Is not 
 a living spring that trickles towards us we know 
 not whence, more wonderful than all the foun- 
 tains of Versailles ? Is not his ' Highland Girl ' 
 I 
 
114 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 more lovable and a truer expression of real beauty 
 than Goethe's 'Helena,' or Byron's 'Haydee?' 
 And then the simplicity of his language, the 
 purity of his thoughts ! What a pity that we 
 have never had such a poet ! Schiller might 
 have been our Wordsworth had he trusted more 
 in himself than in the old Greeks and Romans. 
 Our Ruckert comes the nearest to him, if he had 
 not sought for comfort and home away from his 
 own poor fatherland, among Eastern roses. Few 
 poets have courage to be exactly that which they 
 are. Wordsworth had it ; and as we willingly 
 listen to great men even when they are not great, 
 but, like other mortals, quietly cherish their 
 thoughts and wait in patience for the moment 
 when a clear gleam may open to them fresh 
 visions of the infinite, so I like Wordsworth 
 even in those poems which contain nothing but 
 what every one could have said. Great poets 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 115 
 
 give themselves rest ; in Homer we often read a 
 hundred verses without one single beauty, and so 
 in Dante ; whilst Pindar, whom you all admire so, 
 drives me to despair by his ecstacies. What 
 would I not give to be able to pass a summer at 
 the lakes, and visit with Wordsworth all the 
 places to which he has given names, and greet all 
 the trees he has saved from the axe, and watch 
 with him, for once, the distant sunset, which he 
 described as only Turner could have painted it ! " 
 It was remarkable how her voice never sank, 
 as with most people, at the end of her sentences, 
 but, on the contrary, rose, and always ended like 
 an interrogative leading note ! She always spoke 
 up, not down, to people. The melody of her 
 sentences was as when a child says, " Is it 
 not so, Father ? " There was something implor- 
 ing in her tone, and it was almost impossible to 
 contradict her. 
 
Il6 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 " Wordsworth," I said, " is dear to me as poet, 
 still dearer as a man : and as we often have a 
 finer, fuller, more life-like view from a small hill 
 that we ascend without fatigue, than if with 
 difficulty and danger we clambered up Mont 
 Blanc, so I feel it is with Wordsworth's poetry. 
 At first it often appeared common-place to me, 
 and I have often laid down his poems, and could 
 not imagine how the best minds of modern Eng- 
 land could cherish such admiration for him. 
 But I have convinced myself that no poet in any 
 language, who is recognised as a true poet by his 
 own nation, or rather by the noblest minds 
 among his own people, should remain unenjoyed 
 by us. Admiration is an art that we must learn. 
 Many Germans say, Racine does not please us ; 
 an Englishman says, I cannot understand Goethe ; 
 the Frenchman says, Shakespeare is a clown. 
 And what does that mean ? Nothing more than 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 l 7 
 
 if a child says he prefers a Valse to one of Beet- 
 hoven's Symphonies. The real art is to discover 
 and understand what each nation admires in its 
 great men, and he who seeks the beautiful will 
 at length find it, and perceive that even the 
 Persians are not entirely deceived in their Hafis, 
 nor the Hindus in their Kalidasa. One does not 
 understand a great man at once, it requires 
 strength, courage, and perseverance ; and it is 
 remarkable that what pleases us at first sight, 
 seldom captivates us for long." 
 
 " And yet," she said, " there is one thing that 
 is common to all great poets, all true artists, all 
 heroes on earth, be they Persians or Hindus, 
 heathens or Christians, Romans or Germans ; 
 that is, — I hardly know how to express it, — but 
 it is the Infinite which seems to lie behind them ; 
 a clear sight into the Eternal, an apotheosis of 
 everything, even the smallest, the most transient. 
 
I 1-8 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 Goethe, the great Pagan, knows the sweet t peace 
 that is from heaven \; and when he sings — 
 
 ' On every hill is quiet now, 
 Among the tree-tops tracest thou 
 
 Scarcely a breath. 
 The small birds sleep among the trees ; 
 Wait, only wait, and soon like these, 
 Thou too shalt rest/ — * 
 
 does there not open above the summits of the 
 lofty pine trees, an endless space, a rest which 
 earth can never give ? This background is never 
 wanting in Wordsworth, and the scoffers may 
 say what they like, but it is only that which is 
 above the earth, be it ever so concealed, that can 
 stir, and move the human heart. Who under- 
 
 * Ueber alien Gipfeln 
 Lit Rub.; 
 In alien Wjpfeln 
 Spiirest du 
 Kaum einen Hauch ; 
 Die Voglein schweigen im Walde ; 
 Warte nur, balde, 
 Rubest du audi. 
 
GERMAN LOVE. II9 
 
 stood earthly beauty better than Michael Angelo ? 
 but he understood it because it was to him a 
 reflection of celestial beauty. You know his 
 sonnet — 
 
 ' Rapt above earth by power of one fair face, — 
 Hers in whose sway alone my heart delights, — 
 I mingle with the blest, on those pure heights 
 Where man, yet mortal, rarely finds a place. 
 With Him who made the work that work accords 
 So well, that by its help and through His grace 
 I raise my thoughts, inform my deeds and words, 
 Clasping her beauty in my soul's embrace. 
 Thus, if from two fair eyes mine cannot turn, 
 I feel how in their presence doth abide 
 Light, which to God is both the way and guide ; 
 And kindling at their lustre, if I burn, 
 My noble fire emits the joyful ray 
 That through the realms of glory shines for aye.' "* 
 
 Wordsworth's Translation. 
 
 Laforza d'un bel volto al del mi sprona 
 (Ch'altro in terra non e che mi diletti), 
 E vivo ascendo tra gli spirti eletti; 
 Grazia ch'ad uom mortal raro si dona. 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 She was exhausted and ceased speaking ; and 
 how could I have disturbed that silence ? When, 
 after an intimate exchange of thoughts, human 
 hearts feel satisfied and are silent, we say well 
 that an angel flies through the room ; and it 
 seemed to me that I could hear the light wings 
 of the angel of peace and love above our heads. 
 Whilst my eye rested on her, her earthly vesture 
 seemed as though transfigured in the twilight 
 of the summer evening, and only her hand, which 
 I held in mine, assured me of her real presence. 
 Then a bright ray of light fell suddenly on her 
 face, and she felt it, opened her eyes and looked 
 
 Si ben col suo Fattor 1'opra consuona. 
 Ch'a lui mi levo per divin concetti. 
 E quivi informo i pensier tutti e i detti ; 
 Ardendo, amando per gentil persona. 
 
 Onde, se mai da due begli occhi il guardo 
 Torcer non so, conosco in lor la luce 
 Che mi mostra la via, ch'a Dio mi guide ; 
 E se nel lume loro acceso io ardo, 
 Nel nobil foco mio dolce riluce 
 La gioja cha nel cielo eterna ride. 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 121 
 
 at me as if astonished. Her wonderfully lustrous 
 eyes, which the half-closed eyelashes covered 
 like a veil, flashed like lightning. I looked round 
 and at length saw how the moon had risen in 
 her full beauty between two mountains opposite 
 the castle, and shed its friendly smile over the 
 lake and village. Never had I seen nature — 
 never had I seen her dear face — so beautiful ; 
 never had such a blessed calm flowed over my 
 soul. " Maria," I said, * let me, such as I am, in 
 this rapturous moment confess my whole love 
 to you. Now, when we feel so intensely the 
 nearness of the unearthly, let us unite our souls 
 in a bond that nothing on earth may again divide. 
 Whatever love is, Maria, I love you ; and I feel, 
 Maria, you are mine, for I am yours." 
 
 I knelt before her, and dared not look into her 
 eyes. My lips touched her hand, and I kissed 
 it. Then she drew away her hand, first slowly, 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 then hastily and decidedly ; and when 1 looked 
 up I saw an expression of pain in her face. She 
 was still silent, at last she raised herself with a 
 deep sigh and said : — 
 
 " Enough for to-day : you have hurt me ; but 
 it is my fault. Close the window : I feel a cold 
 shudder over me, as if a strange hand were 
 touching me. Stay with me, — yet no ; you must 
 go. Farewell, sleep well, — and pray that the 
 peace of God may abide with us. We shall 
 meet again, shall we not, to-morrow evening ? I 
 shall expect you. M 
 
 Oh, where had all that heavenly rest flown in 
 a moment ? I saw how she suffered, and all I 
 could do was to hasten out and call the English 
 lady, and go alone to the village in the darkness 
 of night Long I walked beside the lake; 
 long my eyes strayed towards the lighted win- 
 dow, where I had just been with her. At length 
 
GERMAN LOVE. I 23 
 
 every light in the Castle was extinguished, the 
 moon rose higher and higher, and each point 
 and balcony and ornament of the old walls 
 became visible in the fairy-like illumination. 
 And here was I alone in the silent night, and 
 my brain seemed to refuse to obey me, for no 
 thought came to any conclusion, and I only felt 
 that I was solitary in the world ; that there 
 was no' soul for me. The earth was like a coffin, 
 and the dark heavens like a winding-sheet, and I 
 scarcely knew whether I was still alive, or had 
 long been dead. Then I suddenly looked up to 
 the stars, with their twinkling eyes pursuing 
 their c6urse so quietly ; and they seemed as if 
 only placed there to lighten and comfort man- 
 kind ; and I thought of two heavenly stars that 
 had risen on my dark horizon, and a thanks- 
 giving rose from my breast, a thanksgiving for 
 the love of my good angel. 
 
LAST RECOLLECTION. 
 
 9 I ^HE sun was shining over the mountains 
 and into my window when I awoke. 
 Was it the same sun that had watched us 
 yesterday evening with a long lingering look, 
 like a parting friend, as if it would bless the 
 union of our souls, and that then sank like a 
 vanished hope ! And now it shone on me, like 
 a child that rushes into our room with a bright 
 face to wish us joy of some happy festival. 
 And was I the same being who but a few hours 
 before had thrown himself on his bed, broken in 
 spirit and in body ! And now I felt again the 
 old energy rising in me, and a trust in God and 
 
GERMAN LOVE. I 25 
 
 myself, that refreshed and animated my soul 
 like the cool morning breeze. 
 
 What would become of man without sleep ? We 
 know not whither this nightly messenger leads 
 us ; and when he closes our eyes of an evening, 
 who will give us a pledge that he will open 
 them again for us in the morning, and restore 
 us to ourselves ? It required courage and faith 
 when the first man sank into the arms of this 
 unknown friend ; and were there not something 
 helpless in our nature, that forces us to have 
 faith in everything which we are meant to 
 believe, and constrains us to submit, I doubt 
 whether any man, in spite of all fatigue, would 
 have closed his eyes of his own free-will, to 
 enter that unknown dreamland. The sense of 
 our weakness and weariness gives us trust in a 
 higher power, and courage to resign ourselves 
 gladly to the beautiful ordering of all things ; 
 
126 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 ay, we feel strengthened and refreshed when we 
 have loosened, if only for a short time, either 
 waking or sleeping, the chains that fasten down 
 our eternal to our earthly Self. 
 
 What had yesterday only passed darkly 
 through my mind like an evening mist, was now 
 instantly clear. I felt that we belonged to each 
 other, be it as brother and sister, as parent, and 
 child, as bridegroom and bride, — that we must 
 now and for ever remain undivided. It was 
 only needful to find the right name for that 
 which in our stammering language we call love. 
 
 " Thy elder brother I would be, 
 Thy father — anything to thee." 
 
 It was this anything for which a name must 
 be found ; for the world, once for all, will 
 acknowledge nothing without a name. She had 
 herself said that she loved me with that pure love 
 for all mankind, out of which springs all other 
 
GERMAN LOVE. I 27 
 
 love. Her fear, her displeasure, when I confessed 
 my full love to her were still unintelligible to 
 me, but they could no longer shake my belief 
 in our mutual affection. Why should we try to 
 understand all that passes in the souls of men, 
 when everything in ourselves is so incompre- 
 hensible ? It is always the inexplicable that 
 mostly captivates us, be it in nature, in men, or 
 in our own breast. People whom we understand, 
 and whose motives we see before us like an 
 anatomical preparation, leave us cold, like the 
 characters in most of our novels ; and nothing 
 destroys our delight in life and mankind more 
 than this ethical rationalism, which would 
 explain everything, and denies all miracles in 
 the soul. There is in every being something 
 that cannot be analysed, call it fate, inspiration, 
 or character ; and he neither knows himself nor 
 mankind who believes that he can examine the 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 deeds and efforts of men, without finding this 
 ever-returning residuum. So I took heart about 
 everything that I had despaired of over-night, 
 till at length not a cloud was left to darken the 
 bright sky of my future. 
 
 In this mind I stepped out of the small 
 house into the open air, when a messenger 
 brought me a letter. It was from the Countess ; 
 that I could tell from the beautiful even writing. 
 I opened it breathlessly : I hoped the dearest 
 that man can hope. But soon all my hopes 
 were crushed. The letter contained nothing 
 but a request not to see her to-day, as she 
 expected visitors at the castle. No friendly 
 word ; no news of her health : only at the end 
 a P.S. — " To-morrow comes the Doctor. So 
 the day after to-morrow." 
 
 Here were at once two days torn out of the 
 book of life ! If they had but been quite torn 
 
GERMAN LOVE. I2Q 
 
 out : but no, they hung over my head like the 
 leaden roof of a prison. They must be lived 
 through : I could not give them as an alms to a 
 king or a beggar, who would gladly have had 
 two more days to sit on his throne, or on his seat 
 by the church door. I stood staring blankly for 
 a long time, and then I thought of my morning 
 prayer, and how I had said to myself that there 
 is no greater want of faith than despair, and 
 how the least and the greatest events in life 
 are part of one great Divine plan, to which 
 we must submit ourselves, however difficult it 
 may be. Like a rider who sees an abyss before 
 him I drew in my reins. " Let it be since, it 
 must," I cried to myself: "but God's earth is 
 not the place for lamentations and grief." Was 
 it not bliss to hold in my hand these lines 
 which she had written, and was not the hope of 
 seeing her again soon a greater blessing than I 
 K 
 
I30 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 ever deserved ? Always keep your head above 
 the waves, every good swimmer through life 
 will tell you ; but if you can no longer do so, 
 it is better to plunge under entirely than to let 
 the water keep running into your eyes and 
 throat And if it is difficult always to remem- 
 ber Divine providence in the little misfortunes 
 of life, and if we hesitate, and perhaps rightly, 
 to step out of the ordinary course of life into 
 the presence of the Deity at every struggle, 
 yet life should appear to us, if not as a duty, 
 yet as an art ; — and what is more ugly than a 
 child that flies into a passion or sulks at every 
 disappointment and pain ? Nothing is more 
 beautiful than a child in whose tearful eyes 
 the sunshine of joy and innocence is already 
 sparkling again, like a flower which trembles 
 and bends under an April shower, but soon 
 blooms and sends forth its scent, whilst the 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 131 
 
 sunshine dries the tear-drops from off its 
 cheeks. 
 
 Soon a good idea occurred to me, of how, in 
 spite of my fate, I might still pass these two 
 days with her. I had long wished to record all 
 the dear words that she had spoken to me and 
 the many beautiful thoughts which she had 
 entrusted to me ; and so the days passed in the 
 recollection of precious hours spent together, and 
 in the hope of a yet fairer future. I was near 
 her and with her and living in her, and felt the 
 nearness of her spirit and her love more than I 
 had ever felt them when her hand lay in mine. 
 
 How dear are these pages to me now ! How 
 often I have read and re-read them ; not as 
 though I had forgotten a word which she said 
 to me ; but these papers are the proofs of my 
 happiness, and something looks out of them at 
 me like the face of a friend whose silence says 
 K2 
 
132 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 more than all words. Recollections of past 
 happiness, of past sorrow, a silent sinking into a 
 distant past, where all disappears that now sur- 
 rounds and oppresses us, where the soul casts 
 itself down like a mother on the green grave of 
 her child who has slept there for many years, 
 where no hope, no wish disturbs the stillness of 
 helpless resignation, — this we indeed call sad- 
 ness : but there is a blessedness in such sadness 
 known only to those who loved much and suf- 
 fered much. Ask the mother what she feels 
 when she fastens the veil, which she once wore 
 as a bride, on her daughter's head, and thinks of 
 her husband, no longer with her ; ask the man 
 what he feels when the young girl whom he loved, 
 and whom the world parted from him, sends him 
 back, after her death, the withered rose that he 
 had given her as a youth. They may both weep, 
 but the tears are not tears of sorrow nor tears 
 
GERMAN LOVE. I 33 
 
 of joy ; they are the tears of sacrifice with which 
 man dedicates himself to God, and quietly sees 
 his most precious treasure pas's away, believing 
 in God's love and wisdom. 
 
 But let us return to our recollections, into the 
 very presence of the past. The two days flew 
 by so fast that a tremor of joy shot through me 
 as the happiness of our meeting drew nearer and 
 nearer. I saw how on the first day the carriages 
 and riders arrived from the city, and the castle 
 was alive with joyous guests. The flags waved 
 from the roof, music sounded through the courts. 
 In the evening the lake was covered with gay 
 gondolas, bass voices sounded over the water, 
 and I could not but listen, for I felt she was 
 listening too at her window to the same songs. 
 The second day all were still busy, but in the 
 afternoon the guests prepared for their de- 
 parture, and late in the evening I saw the 
 
134 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 carriage of the old doctor return alone towards 
 the city. Then I could wait no longer. I 
 knew she was alone ; I knew she was thinking 
 of me, and wishing that I was with her. Should 
 I let another night go by without at least press- 
 ing her hand, without telling her that the separa- 
 tion was over, and that the next morning would 
 wake us to new happiness ? There was still a 
 light in her window, and why should she be left 
 there alone ? Why should I not at least for a 
 moment feel her sweet presence ? I already 
 stood at the castle, and would have rung the 
 bell : then suddenly I stopped and said, " No ; 
 no weakness ! You would stand ashamed 
 before her, like a thief in the night. Early to- 
 morrow go to her like a hero returning from the 
 battle, for whom she now wreathes the crown oi 
 love to place on his head." 
 
 The morning came, and I was with her, really 
 
GERMAN LOVE. I35 
 
 with her. Oh, speak not of spirit as if it could 
 exist without body ! Perfect existence, perfect 
 consciousness and joy can be only where spirit 
 and body are one, — an embodied spirit, a 
 spiritual body ! There is no spirit without a 
 body unless it be a ghost, and no body without 
 a spirit unless it be a corpse. Is the flower of 
 the field without a spirit? Does it not look 
 forth through a Divine will, through a creative 
 thought, which preserves it, and gives it life and 
 existence ? That is its spirit ; only it is dumb 
 in the flowers, whilst in man it reveals itself in 
 words. True life is ever bodily and spiritual 
 life — true enjoyment is ever bodily and spiritual 
 enjoyment — true presence is ever presence in 
 body and in spirit, and the whole world of 
 recollections in which I had lived so happily for 
 two days vanished like a shadow, like a thing of 
 nought, when I stood before her, and was really 
 
I36 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 with her. I should have liked to lay my hands 
 on her forehead and eyes, and then to know, 
 really know, that she was truly there, and not 
 merely the image that floated day and night 
 over my soul, but a being that was not mine, 
 and yet was to be and wished to be mine — a 
 being in whom I could believe as in myself, a 
 being far from me, and yet nearer to me than 
 my own self, a being without whom my life 
 would be no life, even my death no death, with- 
 out whom my poor existence would have been 
 lost, like a sigh, in infinite space. I felt, as my 
 looks and thoughts dwelt on her, that in this 
 moment the bliss of my existence was ac- 
 complished, and a shudder ran through me, and 
 I thought of death, but it appeared to have no 
 longer any terrors for me, for death could not 
 destroy this love, but could only purify, ennoble, 
 and immortalize it. 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 137 
 
 It was so sweet to be silent with her. The 
 full depth of her soul mirrored itself on her 
 countenance ; and as I looked at her I already 
 saw and heard all that was living and hidden in 
 her. " You give me pain," she seemed to say, 
 and yet would not say it. " Are we at last to- 
 gether again ? Be quiet ; do not question ; do 
 not despair : you are welcome. Do not be 
 angry with me." All this was expressed by 
 her eyes, and yet she dared not destroy the 
 peace of our happiness by a single word. 
 
 " Have you received a letter from the doctor?" 
 was her first question, and her voice trembled 
 at every word. 
 
 " No," I answered. 
 
 She Was silent for a time, then said, " Perhaps 
 it is better that it happened so, and that I 
 should tell you all myself. My friend, we see 
 each other to-day for the last time. Let us part 
 
I38 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 in peace, without complaint. I have done you 
 great wrong. I feel that I have laid hold on 
 your life, without thinking how even a light 
 breath will rob a flower of its petals. I know 
 the world so little that I did not think a poor 
 suffering being like me could inspire you with 
 any deeper feeling than mere pity. I met you 
 frankly and warmly because I had known you 
 so long, because I felt so happy in your presence, 
 because — why should I not confess the whole 
 truth ? — I loved you. But the world does not 
 understand this love, nor allow it. The Doctor 
 has opened my eyes. The whole city is talking 
 of us. My brother, the Regent, has written to 
 the Prince, and he requires me never to see you 
 again. I deeply grieve that I have caused you 
 this suffering : tell me that you forgive me, and 
 then let us part as friends." 
 
 Her eyes were filled with tears, but she closed, 
 
GERMAN LOVE. I39 
 
 them, that I might not see it. " Maria," I said, 
 " for me there is but one life, and that is with 
 you ; but also only one will, that is yours. Yes, 
 I confess it : I love you with the full fervour of 
 love ; but I am not worthy of you. You are far 
 above me in rank, in nobleness, in innocence, 
 and I can hardly grasp the thought of ever call- 
 ing you my wife ; and yet there is no other way 
 by which we can pass through life together. 
 Maria, you are quite free : I ask no sacrifice. 
 The world is wide, and if you wish it, we need 
 never meet again. . But if you feel that you love 
 me, if you feel you are mine, oh, then let us 
 forget the world and its cold judgment ! In my 
 arms I will carry you to the altar, and kneeling, 
 swear to be yours in life and death." 
 
 " My friend," she said, " we must never desire 
 the impossible. Had it been God's will that 
 such a bond should unite us in this life, would 
 
I40 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 He have sent me these sufferings, which make it 
 impossible for me to be more than a helpless 
 child ? Do not forget that what we call fate, 
 circumstance, and position in life, are in truth 
 the work of Providence. To resist them is to 
 resist God ; and, were it not childish, one would 
 call it wicked. Men wander here on earth like 
 the stars in heaven. God has given them their 
 course, where they meet each other, and when 
 they ought to part, they must part. Their re- 
 sistance would be useless, it would destroy the 
 whole order of the universe. We cannot un- 
 derstand, but we can trust. I cannot myself 
 understand why my affection for you is wrong. 
 No : I cannot, will not call it wrong. But it 
 cannot be, must not be. My friend, this is 
 enough; we must submit in humility and faith." 
 Notwithstanding the calmness with which she 
 spoke, I saw how deeply she suffered, and yet 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 141 
 
 I felt it would be wrong to give up so quickly 
 the struggle for life. I controlled myself as far 
 as I could, that no word of passion might in- 
 crease her sufferings, and said, 
 
 " If this is the last time we are to meet m this 
 life, let us clearly see to whom we offer this sacri- 
 fice. If our love violated a higher law, like you 
 I would bow in humility. It would be forgetting 
 God to oppose a higher will. It may sometimes 
 seem as if man could deceive God, — as if his 
 small sagacity might overreach the Divine wis- 
 dom. That is madness, and the man who began 
 this Titan's conflict would be crushed and anni- 
 hilated. But what opposes our love ? Nothing 
 but the gossip of the world. I honour the laws 
 of human society, — honour them even when they 
 are, as in our time, over-refined and perplexed. 
 A diseased body requires artificial medicines ; 
 and without the barriers, and prejudices, and 
 
142 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 conventionalities of society, which we laugh at, 
 it would be impossible to hold men together at 
 the present day, and to attain the object for 
 which we are placed here on earth. We must 
 sacrifice much to these false gods, and, like the 
 Athenians, we send every year a heavily laden 
 ship of young men and maidens as a tribute to 
 the monster who rules the labyrinth of our social 
 existence. There is scarcely a heart that has 
 not been broken, — there is hardly a man with 
 true feeling who has not been obliged to clip the 
 wings of his love, ere it would rest quietly in the 
 cage of the modern world. It must be so ; it 
 cannot be otherwise. You do not know life ; but 
 if. I only think of my friends, I could tell you 
 whole volumes of tragedies. One loved a maiden, 
 and was loved in return : but he was poor ; she 
 was rich. The parents and relations quarrelled 
 and insulted each other : and two hearts were 
 
GERMAN LOVE. I43 
 
 broken. Why ? Because in this world it is 
 thought a misfortune that a lady should wear a 
 dress made from the wool of a plant in America, 
 and not from the fibres of a worm in China. 
 
 "Another loved a maiden, and was loved in 
 return : but he was a Protestant ; she a Roman 
 Catholic. The mothers and priests made mis- 
 chief, — and two hearts were broken. Why ? 
 Because of the political game of chess played by 
 Charles V., Francis I., and Henry VIII., three 
 centuries ago. 
 
 " A third loved a maiden and was loved again : 
 but he was noble ; she was plebeian. The sisters 
 were angry and jealous, — and two hearts were 
 broken. Why ? Because a hundred years ago 
 a soldier slew another, who threatened a King's 
 life in battle. His sovereign gave him rank and 
 honour, and his great-grandson atones, with a 
 blighted life, for the blood which then was shed. 
 
144 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 4< The collectors of statistics say that every 
 hour a heart is broken, — and I believe it. And 
 why? Because in most cases the world will 
 acknowledge no love between strangers, unless 
 they become man and wife. If two maidens love 
 the same man, one must fall a sacrifice. If two 
 men love the same woman, one or both must be 
 sacrificed. Why ? Can no one love a maiden 
 without wishing to marry her ? Can no one love 
 a woman without trying to carry her off as his 
 booty ? You shut your eyes, and I feel I have 
 said too much. The world has desecrated the 
 holiest things we have in life. But enough, 
 Maria ! Let us use the language of the world 
 when we are in it, and speak and act with it ; 
 but let us preserve one sanctuary in which two 
 hearts may speak the pure language of the heart 
 unmoved by the anger of the world without. 
 The world itself honours this independent and 
 
GERMAN LOVE. I 45 
 
 courageous resistance, which noble hearts, con- 
 scious of their own rights, oppose to the ordinary 
 course of things. The discretions, the proprie- 
 ties, the prejudices of the world are like parasite- 
 plants. It is beautiful when a fine ivy adorns 
 a strong wall with its thousand tendrils and 
 shoots, but it must not grow too luxuriously, 
 else it penetrates into every corner of the edifice 
 and destroys the cement which is to hold it to- 
 gether. Be mine, Maria ! Follow the dictates 
 of your heart. The word now trembling on 
 your lips decides for ever your life and mine, — 
 your happiness and mine." 
 
 1 was silent. Her hand which I held, returned 
 the warm heartfelt pressure. All within her was 
 moved and shaken ; and the blue sky which lay 
 before me had never seemed so lovely as now 
 when the storm drove across it cloud after 
 rloud. 
 
 L 
 
J .16 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 "And why do you love me?" she said ; as if 
 she must still delay the moment of decision. 
 
 " Why? Maria! Ask the child why it is born ; 
 ask the flower why it blooms ; ask the sun why 
 it shines ! Love you ? Because I must love 
 you ! But if I must say more to ycu, let this 
 book which lies by you, and which you love so 
 deeply, speak for me : — 
 
 "'That which is best should be the dearest of all 
 things to us ; and in our love of it, neither helpfulness 
 nor unhelpfulness, advantage nor injury, gain nor loss, 
 honour nor dishonour, praise nor blame, nor any thing 
 of the kind should be regarded ; but what is in truth 
 the noblest and best of all things should be also the 
 dearest of all things, and that for no other cause than 
 that it is the noblest and best. Hereby may a man 
 order his life within and without. His outward life, for 
 among the creatures one is better than another, accord- 
 ing as the Eternal Good manifesteth itself and worketh 
 more in one than in another. Now that creature in 
 which the Eternal Good most manifesteth itself, shineth 
 forth, worketh, is most known and loved, is the best 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 147 
 
 and that wherein the Eternal Good is the least mani- 
 fested is the least good of all creatures. Therefore 
 when we have to do with the creatures, and hold con- 
 verse with them, and take note of this distinction, the 
 best creatures must always be the dearest to us, and we 
 must cleave to them, and unite ourselves with them.' 
 
 " Maria, because you are the best creature I 
 know, therefore I love you, and you are dear to 
 me : — therefore we love each other. Say the word 
 that is living in you, — say that you are mine ; do 
 not be false to your deepest feelings. God has 
 sent you a suffering life, — He sends me to you to 
 suffer with you. Your suffering shall be my 
 suffering, and we will bear it together, as a ship 
 carries the heavy sails that at length take it 
 safely through the storms of life into a secure 
 harbour." 
 
 She became more and more calm. A light 
 flush played on her cheeks, like the quiet glow 
 of evening. Then she opened her eyes wide, 
 
48 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 and the sun shone out once again with wonderful 
 brilliancy. 
 
 " I am yours," she said : " God wills it. Take 
 me as I am : so long as I live I am yours, and 
 may God re-unite us in a brighter life and reward 
 you for your love." 
 
 We lay heart to heart, my lips closed with a 
 
 light kiss those lips on which the blessing of my 
 
 life had just trembled. Time stood still for us, 
 
 ■ — the world around us vanished. At last she 
 
 heaved a deep sigh. " May God forgive me this 
 
 happiness," she whispered. ■ Now leave me 
 
 alone ! I can bea? it no longer. May we meet 
 
 again, my friend, my beloved, my bliss." 
 ***** 
 
 These were the last words I heard from her. 
 Yet no. I went home and lay on my bed in 
 anxious dreams. It was past midnight when the 
 old Doctor entered my room. " Our angel is in 
 
GERMAN LOVE. I 49 
 
 heaven," he said : " here is the last greeting she 
 sends you." With these words he gave me a 
 letter. It contained the ring that she had once 
 given to me and I to her again, with the words, 
 "As God wills." It was wrapped in a worn 
 paper, on which she had at some time written the 
 words that I said to her as a child, — " What is 
 yours is mine. Your Maria." 
 
 For hours we sat together without saying a 
 word. It was a mental swoon, such as heaven 
 sends us when the burden of sorrow is too heavy 
 for us to bear. At last the old man rose, took my 
 hand, and said, "We see each other to-day for the 
 last time, for you must away from here and my 
 days are numbered. There is one thing I must 
 tell you : it is a secret which I have carried within 
 me my whole life long and confessed it to no one. 
 But I must tell it to some one now. Listen to 
 me. The soul that is gone from us was a lovely 
 
150 GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 soul — a noble, pure spirit — a deep, true heart. I 
 knew a soul as wr as hers, still fairer, it was her 
 mother's. I loved her mother and her mother 
 loved me. We were both poor, and I struggled 
 with life to win an honourable position in the 
 world for her and me. The young Prince saw 
 her and loved her. He was my Prince, and loved 
 her truly, and was ready to sacrifice everything 
 for her, and raise her, the poor orphan, to the 
 rank of Princess. I loved her so that I sacrificed 
 my happiness to my affection for her. I left my 
 home and wrote to her that I released her from 
 all engagements. I never saw her again till on 
 her death-bed. She died at the birth of her 
 daughter. Now you know why I loved your 
 Maria and tried to prolong her life from day to 
 day. She was the only being that still bound 
 my heart to this earth. Bear life as I have borne 
 it : waste not a day in idle sorrow. Help men 
 
GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 wherever you can, love them, and thank God that 
 
 you have seen upon earth such a heart as hers, 
 
 have known, have loved, and — lost it." 
 
 " As God wills," I said, and we parted for life. 
 * * * * • • 
 
 And days, and weeks, and months, and years 
 
 have passed by. My native land has become 
 
 strange to me, and the land of the stranger has 
 
 become my home. But her love has remained to 
 
 me, and as a tear falls into the sea, so has my 
 
 love to her fallen into the living sea of humanity, 
 
 penetrating and embracing millions — millions 
 
 of those strangers whom I have loved so well 
 
 from my childhood. 
 
 ***** 
 
 Only on still summer days, like to-day, when 
 I lie alone in the green forest on the bosom of 
 nature, and know not whether beyond its circles 
 there are any other men, or whether I am alone, 
 
152- GERMAN LOVE. 
 
 quite alone on the earth, then there is a movement 
 in the churchyard of memory, old recollections 
 rise up from their graves, and the full omnipotence 
 of love returns back into the heart, and streams 
 forth again towards that fair being who once more 
 gazes on me with her deep unfathomable eyes ; 
 and then my love for all seems to ' vanish in my 
 love for the one, — for my good angel ; and my 
 thoughts are dumb before the inscrutable mystery 
 of finite and infinite love. 
 
 f 
 
 THE END. 
 
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