Tailor-Made Man RY JAMES SMITH FRENCH STANDARD UBRARY EDITION SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th St., New York MRS. PARTRIDGE PRESENTS Comedy in 3 acts. By Mary Kennedy and Euth Haw. thorne. 6 males, 6 females. Modern costumes. 2 interiors Plays 2% hours. The characters, scenes and situations are thoroughly up-to- date in this altogether delightful American comedy. The heroin* IB a woman of tremendous energy, who manages a business a* he manages everything with great success, and at home pre- sides over the destinies of a growing son and daughter. He* Struggle to give the children the opportunities she herself had missed, and the children's ultimate revolt against her well-meant management that is the basis of the plot. The son who is cast for the part of artist and the daughter -who is to go on the stag* offer numerous opportunities for the development of the comio possibilities in the theme. The play is one of the most delightful, yet thought-provoking American comedies of recent years, and is warmly recommended to U amateur groups. (Royalty on application.) Price, 75 Cents, IN THE NEXT ROOM Melodrama in 3 acts. By Eleanor Eobson and Harriet Ford. 8 males, 3 females. 2 interiors. Modern costumes. Plays 2% hours. "Philip Vantine has bought a rare copy of an original Bonle abinet and ordered it shipped to his New York home from Paris. When it arrives it is found to be the original itself, the pos- session of which is desired by many strange people. Before the mystery concerned with the cabinet's shipment can be cleared np, two persons meet mystericr.s death fooling with it and the happiness of many otherwise happy actors is threatened" (Burns Mantle). A first-rate mystery play, comprising all the elements f suspense, curiosity, comedy and drama. "In the Next Boom" ! quite easy to stn-ge. It can be unreservedly recommended to Uffe chools Red colleges, (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City (&- .New Dmcriprive Catalogue Sent Free on Requwt A Tailor-Made Man A COMEDY IN FOUR ACTS BY HARRY JAMES SMITH COPYRIGHT, 1917, BY HARRY JAMES SMITH COPYRIGHT, 1919, BY EDITH SMITH, ADMINISTRATRIX OF ESTATE OF HARRY JAMES SMITH AH rights reserved CAUTION. Amateurs and Professionals are hereby warned that "A TAILOR MADE MAN," being fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States, is subject to Royalty, and anyone presenting the play without the consent of the owners or their authorized agents will be liable to the penaUies by law provided. Application for the amateur acting rights must be made to Samuel French, 25 West 45th, Street, New York, N. Y. Application for the professional acting rights must be made to Alice Kauser, 1402 Broadway, New York, N. Y. New York : SAMUEL FRENCH Publisher 25 West 45th Street London : SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 26 Southampton Street Strand ty o* thus i. Lot AngButt Ua;c SAMUEL FliEHCH , 8n WST 7TH A TAILOR-MADE MAN ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Especial notice should be taken that the possession of this book without a valid contract for production first having been obtained from the publisher, confers no right or license to professionals or amateurs to produce the play publicly or in private for gain or charity. In its present form this play is dedicated to the reading public only, and no performance, representation, produc- tion, recitation, or public reading, or radio broadcasting may be given except by special arrangement with Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, New York. This play may be presented by amateurs upon payment of a royalty of Twenty-Five Dollars for each perform- ance, payable to Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, New York, one week before the date when the play is given. Whenever the play is produced the following notice must appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the play: "Produced by special arrangement with Samuel French of New York." Attention is called to the penalty provided by law for any infringement of the author's rights, as follows. "SECTION 4966: Any person publicly performing or rep- resenting any dramatic or musical composition for which copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the proprietor of said dramatic or musical composition, or his heirs and assigns, shall be liable for damages thereof, such damages, in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not less than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for every subsequent performance, as to the court shall appear to be just. If the unlawful performance and representation be wilful and for profit, such person or persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction shall be im- prisoned for a period not exceeding one year." rU. S. Revised Statutes : Title 60, Chap. 3. The following is a copy of the play-bill of the first performance of "A Tailor-Made Man," at the Cohan & Harris Theatre, New York City, August 27, 1917. COHAN & HARRIS PRESENT A TAILOR-MADE MAN WITH GRANT MITCHELL A NEW COMEDY IN FOUR ACT&, BY HARRY JAMES SMITH Based on "The Well-Fitting Dress-Coat," by Gabriel Dregley Staged by Sam Forrest (Characters in the Order of Their First Appear- ance) MR. HUBER ....................... Gus Weinberg MR. ROWLANDS .................... L. E. Conness PETER ......................... Barlowe Borland DR. GUSTAVUS SONNTAG ........ Theodore Friebus jjpgarr o i thie pL*ty p% '" *> u * Loe Aiiipiiai umce SAMUEL FRENCH Bl-DO.. H WT 7TH 2114941 4 A TAILOR-MADE MAN TANYA HUBER Helen MacKellar JOHN PAUL BART Grant Mitchell POMEROY Rowland Buckstone MRS. STANLAW Mina Gale Haynes MR. STANLAW Harry Harwood CORINNE STANLAW Mona Kingsley DOROTHY Adrienne Bonnelli BOBBY WESTLAKE Lloyd Carpenter MR. FLEMING John Wall MR. CRANE John Maccabee MR. CARROLL Douglas Fame MRS. FITZMORRIS Josephine Deffry MR. FITZMORRIS Phil Hardy WHEATING Frank G. Harley MRS. KITTIE DUPUY Lotta Linthicum BESSIE DUPUY Nancy Power MR. JELLICOTT A. P. Kaye ABRAHAM NATHAN Frank Burbeck Miss SHAYNE Gladys Gilbert MR. GRAYSON Lawrence White MR. WHITCOMBE Howard Wall MR. RUSSELL 1 f John A. Boone MR. CAIN f- Labor delegates -s J. H. Greene MR. FLYNN J ( Wm. C. Hodges TIME: 1916. PLACE: New York City. ACT I. The Tailoring Establishment of Mr. Huber. ACT II. Reception Room at the Stanlaws, the same evening. ACT III. The offices of the American Oceanic Shipbuilding Corporation, nine months later. ACT IV. Same as Act I. The morning of the following day. There was never a better illustration of the famil- iar saying that plays are not written, they are re- written, than A TAILOR-MADE MAN, produced in 1917 by Cohan & Harris. The first writing, a definite adaptation of the Hungarian original, was done during the winter of 1915 and 1916. The following summer it was re- written with much greater freedom, and in the fol- lowing winter, after the road production, when Grant Mitchell made his marvellous characterization of John Paul Bart, it was rewritten again, this time with the dynamic help of George M. Cohan. After America entered the war some important additions were made, notably the long speech in the Third Act regarding the need of ships. And even after my brother had left New York the following winter on the trip that resulted in his death, one very amusing line was added. That co-operation should be so essential a part of play-writing and play producing was a great satis- faction to my brother. In one of the last letters that he wrote, he said : "An architect must depend on the co-operation of a hundred workers in different capacities brick- layers, steamfitters, glaziers. So must a playwright. The electrician, the wardrobe woman must pull with the play just as loyally as the star and the manage- ment if you hope to put the thing across. A success is a triumph of co-operation, and the author ought to be very humble about it proud of them, not of himself." EDITH SMITH. CHARACTERS OF THE PLAY JOHN PAUL BART "The Tailor-Made Man" MR. HUBER The Tailor TANYA HUBER His Daughter PETER McCoNKiE His First Assistant DR. SONNTAG A Scholar MR. ROWLANDS A Newspaper Man MR. JELLICOT A Yachtsman POMEROY His Valet MR. STANLAW A Millionaire MRS. STANLAW His Aristocratic Wife CORINNE Their Daughter WHEATING Their Butler MR. FITZMORRIS ~1 MRS. FITZMORRIS ; B rs; r TLAKE \ *-w MR. CRANE MR. FLEMMING J MRS. KITTIE DUPUY A Divorcee BESSIE Her Daughter MR. NATHAN A Financier MR. GRAYSON His Secretary Miss SHAYNE A Stenographer MR. WHITCOMBE A Business Man MR. RUSSELL | MR. FLYNNE > Labor Delegates MR. CAIN J GUESTS AT THE STANLAWS' RECEPTION A Tailor-Made Man ACT I SCENE : MR. HUBER'S Tailoring Establishment. A smart little Tailor Shop, just off Fifth Avenue. The street entrance, Centre, is flanked by show- windows, with A. HUBER, TAILOR, in gilt letters reversed. The work-room is Right, and Lower Left is a doorway, closed with portieres, that leads by a stairway to MR. HUBER'S apart- ments. The show-case is against the Left wall, above the exit. In front of each window is a long table on which are bales of cloth, some partly unrolled. Dummies, dressed to display the latest styles, stand in the windows, and flank the street entrance, which is a couple of steps below the street level. In the Upper Right- hand corner stands the safe, marked A. HUBER, and in front of that and extending well forward, is a long oblong work-table on which are ironing boards, a sponge, an electric flatiron, etc. There is a pile of partially made garments lying on the table, and others are hang- ing from frames and hooks. Style sheets are pinned here and there on the walls, and add to the prosperous appearance. A serviceable of- fice-desk is Left of the street entrance, and a large cheval glass is Left Front. When the curtain rises, ROWLANDS, an ener- 9 io A TAILOR-MADE MAN getic, brainy and likable newspaper man, who fairly radiates optimism and success, is stand- ing in his shirt-sleeves on the fitting-stand, Cen- tre, being measured by HUBER. MR. HUBER lives in America, but he retains the manners and creed of the old world. He is irritable, but at heart very true and kind. At the desk, taking down the measurements at HUBER'S dictation, sits PETER McCoNKiE, the first assistant in the shop. He is an uncouth, thrifty and eccentric Scotchman; hard-working, bull headed, and self- satisfied. Both he and HUBER are in their shirt sleeves, and wear small black aprons. HUBER. (Taking measurement of leg) Thirty- two and a half. PETER. and a half. HUBER. (Measuring around the waist) And I must say, Mr. Rowlands, it seems a terrible pity that such an educated man like Dr. Sonntag can't find one single publisher to publish his book for him. Why, sir, the thing is a masterpiece. (To PETERJ Thirty-eight. PETER. Thirty-eight. ROWLANDS. I suppose you've read every word of it? HUBER. (Measuring the hips) Well, no, Mr. Rowlands, not if you put it that way. I'm much too busy a man to be reading books. The little shop takes up all my time, and my daughter's, too. She keeps the accounts. (To PETER,) Forty-two. PETER. Forty-two. ( HUBER goes to the desk, and PETER, with a grin, opens a drawer, and takes out a bulky manu- script which he hands him.) HUBER. Dr. Sonntag has been five whole years A TAILOR-MADE MAN if writing this, and Just the manuscript alone. Here it is, sir. Look at it. Lift it. (Putting it in ROW- LANDS' hands) Pounds! ROWLANDS. (Amused, as he weighs the book in his hands) Five years to write it ? That's a pound a year, minimum estimate. HUBER. And the hardest part of it all is, him and my daughter was expecting to get married on the proceeds. You know what young folks are they want to get hitched up. (Measuring knee.) ROWLANDS. (Amused) Sounds like a good old- fashioned love match. HUBER. Oh, yes, indeed, sir, I saw to the whole thing myself. (To PETER,) Nineteen. PETER. Nineteen. HUBER. (Measuring bottom of trousers) I don't mean that there was any childish nonsense about it. Dr. Sonntag is a scholar, and naturally that takes up most of his time. (To PETERJ Six- teen. PETER. Sixteen. Cuff or no cuff? HUBER. (To ROWLANDS,) Cuff? ROWLANDS. Cuff. HUBER. (To PETER ; Cuff. PETER. (As he writes) Cuff. (ROWLANDS puts on his vest and coat, while PETER pushes the fitting-stand under the table up Right, and then goes into the work-room. HUBER puts the manuscript again on the desk, and helps ROWLANDS on with his overcoat.) HUBER. And as for Tanya, I have brought her up to be an obedient daughter in every respect. I intend her to be just such a wife as her mother was to me back in the old country. And now, Mr. Row- lands, I suppose you can't give me any good advice 12 A TAILOR-MADE MAN about how to get the book published, you being such a prominent and influential editor. ROWLANDS. But I'm not an editor; I'm a special writer. HUBER. A what, sir? ROWLANDS. A special writer. I dig up the live stuff, put it on paper and peddle it. (At this moment the shop door opens, and DR. Gus- TAVUS SONNTAG enters. He is an intellectual, self-centred scholar of about thirty-five, with a surly and tyrannical manner. He is rather pic- turesque in his dress and appearance, and his German accent is pleasant.) SONNTAG. Why does nobody answer the house bell? I have been ringing it for five minutes. HUBER. (Trying to pacify him) Tanya must be out, Dr. Sonntag. SONNTAG. Where did she go? HUBER. I don't know. SONNTAG. Was she alone? HUBER. Why, yes. SONNTAG. Well, you may tell her I was dis- pleased not to find her ! (Starting to go) HUBER. But, Doctor, one moment! ^SONNTAG stops) I would like you to meet Mr. Rowlands, the famous editor. Mr. Rowlands, this is Dr. Gustavus Sonntag. (To SONNTAG, after the men acknowledge the introduction) He was just making some in- quiries about your book this very minute. SONNTAG. (Halting with interest) Ah! HUBER. He desired to know what it is all about. SONNTAG. (To ROWLANDS,) It is a new Induc- tive Philosophy of the Social Organism. HUBER. (Beamingly) That's it! Clever sub- ject, eh? Tell him further, Doctor. SONNTAG. The first twenty- four chapters are de- A TAILOR-MADE MAN 13 voted to the exposition of an original theory of the Rights of Property. HUBER. That's it! Rights of Property! Fine! SONNTAG. With arguments drawn from meta- physics, anthropology, zoology ROWLANDS. (Interrupting) I get you! But tell me one thing, Doctor, do you expect to support yourself, wife and possible offspring by the labors of your pen? SONNTAG. Certainly. ROWLANDS. Then, my dear Doctor, I'd advise you to take those twenty-four chapters and lock them up in your bureau drawer at once, and turn your hand to something that somebody will be inter- ested in reading. You know that dry-as-dust theo- retical stuff is only good to be scrapped. SONNTAG. (Angrily) But I tell you this is sen- sational ! It will cause a revolution. ROWLANDS. No doubt among the mummies. Now, if you would take up, say some little scandal in fashionable society, that might make a hit. SONNTAG. (Scornfully) No, thank you! I'll write big things or nothing at all ! (He takes off his hat and overcoat and puts them on the table) HUBER. (To ROWLANDS, with conciliatory man- ner) You must excuse him, Mr. Rowlands, that is the scholar of it. They are not like us. Now, if you would be able to come in for the trying-on next Tuesday, Mr. Rowlands? ROWLANDS. Tuesday ? Very well. (As he goes to the door) Oh, Doctor, let me know when that revolution comes and I'll give it a write-up. (Exit.) SONNTAG. Humph ! HUBER. (Protestingly, earnestly) Now what for do you treat an influential man like that so offish and sullen ? I think his advice is good. ('TANYA enters by the stairs. She is a sweet, simple 14 A TAILOR-MADE MAN girl of eighteen; slight of build, but sturdy, and loyal through and through. She carries a ledger which she places on the desk, and stands listen- ing, unnoticed by the two men.) SONNTAG. (Loftily insulted) My dear Mr. Huber, you may be a most excellent tailor, but I beg you not to afflict me any more with your literary advice. HUBER. (Flaring up ) Very well ! And I beg you not to be disrespectful any more to one of my patrons, because I will not have it ! So! ( TANYA places the ledger she is carrying on the desk and comes toward the two men.) SONNTAG. I say what I choose ! HUBER. Not in my shop ! My shop is (See- ing TANYA as she comes between them) 'Sh! Tanya ! TANYA. (Smilingly reproachful) Ah, ah, naughty old bears ! Aren't you ashamed ! At it again HUBER. (Rather sheepishly) It wasn't my fault, Tanya. TANYA. (With ironical amusement) Oh, I'm sure of that, Father. SONNTAG. It wasn't my fault ! TANYA. Of course it wasn't. You know, I never saw the time when either of you was to blame for anything. HUBER. I was only giving him a little good ad- vice. There was no need for him to get mad. SONNTAG. (Loftily) Your respectable father recommends me to write things that would amuse people I TANYA. Why, that's a perfectly splendid idea ! Why don't you ? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 15 SONNTAG. (Insulted) I do not write for idiots ! TANYA. Well, I can't say it's a very bright out- look for a girl who's fond of pretty clothes and society and things going on. Don't you think if I'm to marry you, you might consider me a little and write something that would bring in some money? SONNTAG. (With scorn) Oh, so it makes no difference to you that I have written here a book that will live long after you are dead, buried and forgotten ! TANYA. Perhaps it's wicked of me, but I would like to be happy before I am dead, buried and for- gotten. Heigh-ho! (And she sits at the desk and busies herself with the ledger.) SONNTAG. (Harshly) Tanya Huber, what has got into you lately? You did not use to talk this way. (Sitting opposite her at the desk) HUBER. (As he moves over toward TANYA) Tanya, you must be more respectful to Dr. Sonntag. (PETER enters from the work-room with a dress- suit over his arm, which he throws on the work- table.) PETER. Well, here they are. (And he throws the suit on the work-table) HUBER. What is it, Peter? PETER. These dress clothes are ready to be pressed. HUBER. (Sharply) Well, why don't you run along and press them ? Twice already has Mr. Jelli- cot telephoned this afternoon. PETER. (Sturdily) Mr. Huber, my work is cut- tin', bastin', rippin', stitchin', button-holm' and linin', and anything outside of that goes against the by- laws. The pressin' in this shop is did by John Paul Bart. 16 A TAILOR-MADE MAN HUBER. My God! And they call this the land of the free ! SONNTAG. (With lofty calm, pointing to PETER) There you have it ! This very anomaly I explain in my book. "Here," I say, "is not a Democracy, but a Proletariarchy." HUBER. (Testily) What is this Proliarchy? SONNTAG. Proletariarchy ! It is a word I coined myself. HUBER. (After an outbreak in German) I want John Paul Bart! (TANYA goes to him, anxious to placate him) Where is he, the conceited, good- for-nothing loafer with his fine gentleman manners and his manicured finger nails? Three hours and a half since I sent him on that errand! Wait till he comes back ! He'll get something that will surprise him! PETER. (With grim satisfaction) And 'igh time, if I do say it! He's bad all through, is Johnny Paul, bad ! TANYA. (Indignantly) Peter, that's a perfectly horrid thing to say of anybody ! (While TANYA is speaking, JOHN PAUL BART passes the Right show-window, and stands at the door, looking in. He is a clean-cut, likable young chap, very human and thoroughly sincere. His belief in himself is not mere self-conceit, but a real and fine thing. His clothes are shabby, but even so they have "an air.") PETER. (As JOHN PAUL enters) Johnny Paul! JOHN PAUL. Everybody here? Delightful! (Doffing his hat charmingly) Miss Huber! Mr. Huber ! Dr. Sonntag ! (With a casual nod to PETER ) Peter! (Turning to HUBER) I trust, sir, that my slight tardiness has not occasioned you any incon- venience ? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 17 HUBER. (Testily) It has. JOHN PAUL. Oh, I'm sorry ! (He takes off his overcoat, preparatory to work.) HUBER. (After a brief silence) Well, why don't you come along and tell me it takes three hours and a half to measure for a suit of clothes? JOHN PAUL. I'd no idea of telling you such a thing, Mr. Huber. It only takes ten minutes. But first, of course, you must get your chance to take the measurements. At the time of my arrival the gouty old party was still dallying over his lunch. And now I ask you candidly, Mr. Huber, could you expect me to measure the gouty old party's legs while said legs were under the table? (No answer from HUBER ) There, you see! Of course not. I saw my duty at once. It was to wait. I waited. Voila! HUBER. Voila! What is that voila? JOHN PAUL. (Casually, as he takes off his coat and rolls up his shirt-sleeves) Just a little scrap of French I picked uo while waiting. One of those un- translatable little idioms with which the French lan- guage is so richly supplied. It means well (With an expressive gesture) Voila ! PETER. (With a snort) Oh, pickles! (Exits to work-room) HUBER. And so that's how you wasted three hours and a half ! JOHN PAUL. Wasted! My dear sir, I improved each shining moment. I conversed with the young lady who makes the beds Nanette her name was ; short for Antoinette and I gave her a little help in making them. I conversed with the young lady who superintends the children. (Handing TANYA a photograph which he takes from his coat pocket) Here's a picture of the babies. TANYA. Oh, aren't they cunning! i8 A TAILOR-MADE MAN JOHN PAUL. I assisted in dressing one of them. (With a smile at TANYA^ It was most educational. I love to interchange ideas. HUBER. If you loved to work you'd make a bet- ter tailor. JOHN PAUL. I've no desire to make a better tailor. TANYA. (With delight) Oh, John Paul, how funny you are ! (Handing him back the photograph) HUBER. (Severely) Funny! What is there funny about him? SONNTAG. (Conclusively) There is nothing funny about him ! He is disgusting. (And he goes upstairs) TANYA. (Protesting) Oh, Gustavus! HUBER. (To JOHN PAUL,) The next thing for you to do is to press Mr. Jellicot's dress clothes. JOHN PAUL. (With an agreeable smile) Avec plaisir, monsieur. HUBER. (Harshly) And none of your damn French, do you hear me? JOHN PAUL. (Quietly, blandly) Perfectly. You said, "None of your damn French!" Wasn't that it ? (He goes back of work-table and is ready to be- gin pressing.) HUBER. (To TANYA, after a furious outbreak in German) See here, you, I have something to say to this fine gentleman in private ! (He motions her toward the stairs) TANYA. (Pleadingly) But, Father, he doesn't mean any harm ! Can't you see it's only his funny way? HUBER. (Sternly) Upstairs ! TANYA. Oh, but Father, please don't be cross with John Paul ! HUBER. Upstairs ! I know what to say to John Paul! A TAILOR-MADE MAN 19 TANYA. But, Father, this is the night you have to speak at that Lodge meeting in Queensboro. You'll be late. HUBER. I will see to that. This comes first. ('TANYA pantomimes to JOHN PAUL to be careful, placing; her finger on her lips. As HUBER turns and sees her she quickly leaves the room.) HUBER. And now, John Paul, I'll ask you to listen to a few remarks that I've been saving up since a long time. JOHN PAUL. (Smiling as if flattered, as he seats himself near HUBER,) Why, anything you can say, Mr. Huber, is sure to interest me. HUBER. (Angrily) Maybe you don't realize that 7 am the boss of this shop and that your wages come from me! JOHN PAUL. I realize it acutely, Mr. Huber. HUBER. (Goaded to fury by the other's manner) You do, do you ? Then why must I always be hav- ing trouble with you? Look at Peter McConkie! See how he sticks to his work ! See how ambitious he is to better himself ! Why, he even works nights as well as days ! JOHN PAUL. Indeed! Night work? I wasn't aware this shop was open nights. HUBER. Not in the shop. There has been a shortage of waiters this winter JOHN PAUL. (Interrupting) Peter, a waiter! HUBER. Well, at nights. I was very glad to recommend him to a friend of mine with influence. And very good money he makes, too, helping out as an extra at swell parties. QOHN PAUL laughs) What are you laughing at ? JOHN PAUL. I wish I could see Peter handing about refreshments. 20 A TAILOR-MADE MAN HUBER. Whatever Peter does is done well. He would be a good example for you to follow. Why have you no ambition, no self-respect ? JOHN PAUL. But I have! I have both those qualities, Mr. Huber, but what good do they do me here? What chance do you give me to use them here ? From morning till night you keep dinging into me that I am your inferior, your servant; that my only excuse for being here at all is that heap of clothes there. If I press pants for so many hours a day, you give me my wages and there's an end of it. Do you see anything in that to stimulate a fellow's ambition ? HUBER. (Disgusted) Oh, you talk too much! JOHN PAUL. But here's an idea I've been turning over in my mind. If you would consider giving me a share in the management of this establishment I believe I could accomplish things that would amaze you. HUBER. (Furiously) You actually propose ! Kreutz Donnerwetter, noch einmal ! Of all the im- pudence I ever yet was to meet! I tell you right here, John Paul, another such time- like this after- noon and out of this shop you go. JOHN PAUL. (Quietly) Oui, monsieur. HUBER. (Thoroughly out of patience, he picks up a part of the dress-suit lying with the other garments waiting to be pressed) That's what you ought to be thinking of ! (JOHN PAUL goes to his work again. TANYA en- ters and comes quickly to her father. ) TANYA. Father dear, you really will be late for that meeting in Queensboro. A TAILOR-MADE MAN 21 ( HUBER has not ceased growling and sputtering, but TANYA pets him into good humor, until he laughs and kisses her. Then he takes off his apron and tape.) HUBER. You are a good little girl to remind me. I must go and get my overcoat. TANYA. (Getting his coat and helping him on with it) I asked Gustavus to bring it down. HUBER. (Affectionately) Always saving steps for your poor old Dada. A fine little housewife! What would I have done without you these ten years since Mamma died? (SONNTAG enters with HUBERTS overcoat and hat.) TANYA. And what would I have done without you ? (She helps him on with the overcoat, then gets his hat from the desk and hands it to him) HUBER. (Kissing her) Good-night, Tanya ! Good-night, Dr. Sonntag! SONNTAG. Good-night, Mr. Huber. HUBER. (At the street door) And now, John Paul, pay attention. Those dress clothes are to be delivered to Mr. Jellicot the moment they are fin- ished; the suit and the fur overcoat in the work- room, and you are not to quit work till they are done. Do you hear me? JOHN PAUL. (Mildly) I thought I had proved to you that my auditory faculties were normal. HUBER. (Sputtering, too angry to speak) Good- night, Tanya! TANYA. Good-night, Father. (HUBER exits.) JOHN PAUL. Something must have irritated him. TANYA. (Half laughing, half reproachful) John 22 A TAILOR-MADE MAN Paul, why must you always rub Father the wrong way? (She seats herself near the work-table.) JOHN. PAUL. (With quiet seriousness) It isn't intentional, Miss Tanya, I give you my word. I suppose he wants me to talk like a tailor, but that's a thing I can't do. SONNTAG. And why not? JOHN PAUL. (With casual manner, but posi- tively) Destiny. SONNTAG. (Loftily amused) Destiny! And what do you mean by Destiny, if you please? JOHN PAUL. You've heard it said you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Well, the contrary is just as true. You can't make a sow's ear out of a silk purse. (With definiteness) It can't be done. SONNTAG. And that excuses you for staying away from the shop all the afternoon? JOHN PAUL. You've no idea how these surround- ings depress me. I stifle ! My whole being cries out for a more stimulating atmosphere. Physically, Doctor, I feel better more keenly sensitized at the Knickerbocker Club. ('SONNTAG laughs sneeringly) Oh, I often put in a few hours there. TANYA. The Knickerbocker Club! SONNTAG. And pray how would you ever get in the Knickerbocker Club? JOHN PAUL. Oh, the front way isn't the only way, Doctor. An acquaintance of mine is billiard marker there, and by his assistance I have often got in and been allowed to watch what goes on from be- hind a swing door. SONNTAG. (With contempt) Oh! JOHN PAUL. Not very dignified, you say? Granted. But I must get my schooling somehow, and once on my sentry duty I don't let a syllable or a ges- ture get by me. At first it seemed to me I could never acquire that unconscious, easy bearing that A TAILOR-MADE MAN 23 marks those fellows, but I kept at it and now I can turn the trick as well as the best of them. SONNTAG. (Laughing sarcastically) Listen to that! A regular young aristocrat! You're crazy! JOHN PAUL. So is every genius. SONNTAG. 7 am not crazy ! ('TANYA and JOHN PAUL look at each other and smile.) JOHN PAUL. (Picking up his iron and going toward SONNTAG) Surely, Doctor, you've read Lombroso on "Insanity and Genius." It's a classic. There's one chapter that (TETER enters with a suit over his arm which he hands to TANYA while JOHN PAUL returns to his work.) PETER. Thirty minutes overtime to get these fin- ished up. TANYA. Yes, Peter, I'll do them up. Oh, will you deliver them, Peter? PETER. Yes, but that will be forty-five minutes. Miss Huber, be sure to give me credit for forty-five minutes overtime. TANYA. (Laughing as she packs the suit in a box) Very well, Peter, I'll see to it. PETER. (As JOHN PAUL laughs) So you've really started to work, have ye, Johnny Paul ! I'm surprised ! JOHN PAUL. (Bored) May I beg you not to ad- dress me as Johnny Paul ? PETER. And why not Johnny Paul, if you please? Ain't you a tailor's hand like me? JOHN PAUL. Temporarily. PETER. See here, Mr. Stuck-up, talk'll never get you nowheres. It's work; honest work and good 24 A TAILOR-MADE MAN habits. Now me, I work nights as well yas days, I do, and I'm savin' up every dollar and layin' it by, 7 am. JOHN PAUL. Then some day you may have a nice little tailor shop of your own, you may. PETER. (With his most cutting sarcasm) Aye, and when I have that, do you know what you'll have ? A nice little uniform with stripes goin' round this way! TANYA. Oh, for shame, Peter McConkie ! PETER. Well, he's got ideas that'll get him into trouble some day, they will. I know what I'm talkin 1 about. Why, only this mornin' he accused me to my face of livin' off'n my betters. JOHN PAUL. (Quietly) Well, and so you do. PETER. (Flaring up) And so I does, do I! I like that ! I think you'd better come along and ex- plain what you mean by that ! (Threateningly) Livin' off'n my betters ! JOHN PAUL. Now, see here, Peter McConkie, where would you be if it weren't for the rich people you're always abusing with your cheap epithets? How would you earn a living? Do you think people of your own class would pay a hundred dollars for cutting a smart suit of clothes ? Well, hardly ! You owe the very means of your existence to us. PETER. You! JOHN PAUL. I meant the upper classes. PETER. (Dumfounded) D'ye hear that ? JOHN PAUL. If everybody had money, what value would money have? fSoNNTAG turns and listens) There'd be no incentive to ambition, to industry. No, money must be concentrated in the hands of the few. It is their touch, and theirs alone, which trans- mutes it into a precious metal. (Tapping PETER lightly on the chest) See? PETER. (Sullenly) No, I don't see! I haven't the least idea what you're spoutin* about, but I know A TAILOR-MADE MAN 25 this : whatever it is, it's rotten ! (He takes the box which TANYA hands him and exits.) SONNTAG. Look here, Johnny Paul, you got that from my book. JOHN PAUL. (Blandly) Big stuff, isn't it? SONNTAG. I thought so when I wrote it. JOHN PAUL. I thought so when I read it. SONNTAG. You mean to tell me you've been read- ing my manuscript? JOHN PAUL. Indeed I have, Doctor ! I've read it three times over and I'm delighted with this oppor- tunity to congratulate you. It's enormous! (And he shakes SONNTAG'S hand heartily.) SONNTAG. (Dumfounded, as he pulls his hand away.) Well, of all the nerve ! JOHN PAUL. (Airily, as he follows SONNTAG L.J Don't mention it, sir, nothing at all. A work of genius, Dr. Sonntag, and I can't tell you how grati- fied I was to find set down in black and white the very things I've vaguely felt myself without know- ing how to phrase them. Why, it's just as if I'd dictated it to you whole passages especially the brilliant ones. Now this, for instance : "Riches are a Golden Calf which " No, that's not what I'm after. Hold on a bit. (Taking several small pir.k cards from his pocket and running them over) I jotted down a few hasty notes. SONNTAG. Notes! You've been making notes from my book ! (He looks over JOHN PAUL'S left shoulder at the notes, and TANYA looks over the other.) TANYA. Oh, let me see, too ! JOHN PAUL. Yes, here we are. (He reads from the slips) "Riches are the basis and symbol of that power which keeps the wheels of the social organism functionally reciprocal." There's a magnificent sen- tence for you ! Fills the mouth ! "Functionally re- ciprocal." You can set your teeth in that ! 26 A TAILOR-MADE MAN SONNTAG. (With lofty irony) Well, Tanya, I was not aware your father had a critic in his em- ploy. JOHN PAUL. Oh, I'm no critic, Dr. Sonntag. All I know is : those ideas have the right feel to them. They'll go! They'll work! SONNTAG. You flatter me ! (Sitting R. of L. desk ) JOHN PAUL. (Moving over Right of him) The only trouble is pardon my frankness, Doctor, I have to say this you're dull. SONNTAG. (Dumfounded) Eh ! JOHN PAUL. And dullness is fatal. Why, I tell you that a man with a breezy, human personality, agreeable manners, and the right degree of self- confidence like me, for instance why, with those ideas I could lift the world off its axis. TANYA. (With enthusiasm) Oh, I believe you could ! SONNTAG. It was a mistake to leave the manu- script where you could get it. I see it has upset you. JOHN PAUL. On the contrary, it has set me up. At last I know where I stand. SONNTAG. (Patronizingly) Oh, I see! You have ambitions. JOHN PAUL. I have. SONNTAG. What sort? JOHN PAUL. Big. SONNTAG- You see yourself at the top. JOHN PAUL. I do. SONNTAG. (Amused) Well, you don't seem to be getting there very fast. JOHN PAUL. I'm a fatalist. I believe in my star, I'm waiting for it to rise. SONNTAG. I'm afraid you'll have to wait a long time. A TAILOR-MADE MAN 27 JOHN PAUL. The main thing is to be ready when it rises. (He goes back to his pressing, and TANYA sits watching him. SONNTAG notices her gaze, and is instantly annoyed.) SONNTAG. Tanya! Over here! (TANYA goes obediently. But just then the street door opens, and POMEROY enters. He is a plump, rather effeminate man, ^vith a comic per- sonality. He is carrying a suit-case and hat- box:.) POMEROY. I want to speak at once to the pro- prietor of this establishment. TANYA. I'm sorry, but Mr. Huber is out for the evening. POMEROY. (Peevishly) Oh, he is, is he? And how about those dress clothes he promised to send to Jellicot? Jellicot has telephoned twice already, he has, and now I've had to come. TANYA. (Going to the worktable and touching the clothes JOHN PAUL is working on) These are Mr. Jellicot's clothes, aren't they? JOHN PAUL. Yes. I'll have them done in a very few minutes. POMEROY. 'Igh time, I should say so! TANYA. I'll send the clothes over the moment they are ready. POMEROY. Yes, and that's what Huber said over the 'phone and still nothing comes of it. No, I'm going to wait right here and see that the man don't waste his time. TANYA. Very well, you're perfectly welcome to do so. Won't you sit down ? POMEROY. (As he sits, Right Centre; TANYA goes 28 A TAILOR-MADE MAN left of him) You don't know what I've been through since five o'clock ! Such a scene as Jellicot makes ! Always does if things go wrong with his clothes. "You get the hell out of here!" Jellicot says, "and buy me a brand new outfit; silk hat, collars, 'ose, and everything." TANYA. You mean to say you had to buy Mr. Jellicot a complete new outfit? (Throughout this scene JOHN PAUL, who is press- ing, is also listening intently to POMEROY. J POMEROY. Yes, Miss. TANYA. Why ? POMEROY. Because he wants to look his best to-night. He's going to the big 'ouse-warming at the Stanlaws. JOHN PAUL. (Eagerly) The Stanlaws ! Really ! POMEROY. (Amused) What do you know about the Stanlaws, young fellow? JOHN PAUL. The Stanlaws? Very rich, very ex- clusive. One daughter, Corinne, the most beautiful heiress in New York. POMEROY. (Amused) He's right ! Cuts a great figure, them Stanlaws. Why, one of the most prominent gentlemen in this country has promised to be at their party to-night. JOHN PAUL. Abraham Nathan. POMEROY. (To TANYA,) He's right again. (To JOHN PAUL,) Say, you're quite up on the society jottings, ain't you, for a tailor's hand? JOHN PAUL. I am an insatiable reader of the newspapers. TANYA. Is this Abraham Nathan somebody quite big? JOHN PAUL. Quite big! POMEROY. Big ! Oh ! SONNTAG. (With rude laughter) Why don't A TAILOR-MADE MAN 29 you ask if Pierpont Morgan is somebody quite big? Abraham Nathan is the President of the American Oceanic Shipbuilding Corporation, the biggest proposition of its kind in the Western Hemisphere. POMEROY. He's right! JOHN PAUL. (With philosophical manner) And yet, though this American Shipbuilding Corporation faces to-day the greatest opportunity of its career, it's in a mess with everybody. Its employees hate it ; the Government hates it ; worst of all the public hates it, and this despite the fact that nothing is so important to win, or so easy to win if you only know how, as the favor of the public. It is the public that makes you the public that breaks you. SONNTAG. (Condescendingly amused) And what do you know about the matter, Mr. Bart ? JOHN PAUL. I have made an earnest study of your book, Dr. Sonntag. POMEROY. (Impressed, he turns and looks at SONNTAGJ Book! Oh! SONNTAG. That is not in my book. JOHN PAUL. Oh, yes, it is. SONNTAG. Where? JOHN PAUL. Between the lines. (POMEROY laughs.) SONNTAG. (Angrily) You had better stick to your clothes pressing. (And he turns his back on the group) POMEROY. (To JOHN PAUL) Yes, please do me a favor and get them done. Jellicot wants to meet Nathan to-night. Wants to remind him of something. Comical? (He laughs, as he turns toward SONN- TAGJ Say, you'd split ! ( SONNTAG grunts and continues looking the other way.) 30 A TAILOR-MADE MAN TANYA. Tell us about it. POMEROY. Well, it was on the day of the Pre- paredness Parade, and Nathan was just leaving the reviewing stand with the Governor when some cracked idiot of a laboring man up and lets fly a stone right at Nathan's head. Might have killed him like as not, but Jellicot, seeing the stone com- ing, jerks off his topper and catches the stone with it very neat and natty-like. Well, sir, what does the great Nathan do then? He grabs Jellicot's flipper and says: "My dear fellow, I'll never forget this!" And then he steps into his limousine and forgets. TANYA. Oh, what a lovely story!! POMEROY. (Chuckles) Yes. JOHN PAUL. That's one of the best stories I ever heard. POMEROY. Yes. JOHN PAUL. (Picking up his work) Well, I'm done. POMEROY. (Rising with relief.) Done? Fine! I'll trot right along home so as to ease poor Jellicot's mind. You'll have the clothes over directly? JOHN PAUL. At the earliest possible moment. POMEROY. That's the way to talk! That's the way to talk ! (He picks up the suit-case and hat box and prepares to go) JOHN PAUL. Oh, wouldn't you like me to bring those things along at the same time? POMEROY. That's very obliging of you, young fellow. (And he gladly piles the suit-case and hat box in BART'S anns.) JOHN PAUL. Don't mention it, sir; any little ser- vice. POMEROY. Don't forget his overcoat. JOHN PAUL. No, sir, it's all ready in the work- room. I'll take that, too. POMEROY. Hurry up, now, hurry up! JOHN PAUL. Yes, sir. (He exits to work-room.) A TAILOR-MADE MAN 31 POMEROY. I'll see that Jellicot gives him a. hand- some little tip when he comes. (He turns, grinning, to TANYA ) Oh, but while I think of it! Young lady, you seem to be a nice sort. Are you fond of automobiles ? TANYA. Why, what do you mean ? POMEROY. Well, you see, when Jellicot some- times leaves town for a day or two without me, it's quite easy for me to get the use of his car for the afternoon. TANYA. Oh, what a nice arrangement! You can give little outings to all your lady friends free of expense. POMEROY. Oh, no, no, not free of expense. We always drop in somewhere for a cup of tea or some- thing, and, of course, that always costs. But what's a couple of bob more or less to me! But what I was going to say: if ever you feel homesick for a merry little jaunt merry and refined at the same time just call up Lenox 6-4-0-0 and ask for Pome- roy. That's me, Pomeroy. (Extending his hand) I'll say good-by, Miss ? TANYA. Huber. POMEROY. Good day, Miss Huber. TANYA. Good day! POMEROY. (Smiling and bowing) Good day! Good afternoon! (As POMEROY exits, TANYA goes to the door, closes it, and comes to SONNTAG. She is still smiling.) TANYA. Is anything the matter, Gustavus? SONNTAG. Yes ! I am angry ! TANYA. Why, what is it? Have I done some- thing? SONNTAG. Have you done something? Do you think I would be pleased to hear you tittering and 32 A TAILOR-MADE MAN sniggering with such a person as that ? A silly, con- ceited, unprincipled valet! TANYA. But I found him amusing. Surely you don't object to my laughing a little now and then? SONNTAG. Laugh all you like, but after this laugh with me! TANYA. (With a wry face and despairing shrug) I can't do that, Gustavus, it's no use. SONNTAG. (As he strides about angrily) Your manners are too free altogether; no modesty. I won't have you making up to other men besides me ! TANYA. (With a flash) Be careful, Gustavus! SONNTAG. Eh ? TANYA. You know American girls do not take orders, they give them. SONNTAG. (Jeeringly) Oho! So you have de- cided to become an American girl, have you? Like them, you are now going to think of nothing but dress and money spending and pleasure and the at- tentions of the other sex. I have been noticing a change in you lately and it does not please me. TANYA. (With gentle manner, but firm) I think it would be good for us to understand each other a little better, Gustavus. SONNTAG. What? TANYA. It's true, I have been changing lately. I can almost feel the change from one day to an- other. SONNTAG. What do you mean? TANYA. I jnean that I have been brought up to obey my father; always to reverence his wishes no matter if they pleased me or not. My duty was to do as I was told. SONNTAG. Well, and what now? Have you de- cided that I am not good enough for you? TANYA. I have not decided anything, but I am watching and listening and beginning to think a lit- tle for myself, and I have discovered what it is that A TAILOR-MADE MAN 33 American girls admire most in a man. It is energy, ambition. They like a man who does things. So do I! SONNTAG. All right, then tell me this: do you know one man with better brains than I ? TANYA. (Quietly) No, Gustavus. But what do you do with them ? SONNTAG. (Furiously) You leave my brains alone ! TANYA. Yes, Gustavus. (A slight pause) Is there anything else? SONNTAG. Yes ! Now I know where these silly ideas have come from. I might have seen it before ! From that man in there, John Paul Bart! I saw you just now listening open-mouthed to his con- ceited talk. (TANYA has risen. Now she turns indignantly on SONNTAG.J TANYA. Don't call it conceited! It isn't con- ceited ! It's splendid ! It's fine ! SONNTAG. Indeed ! TANYA. Oh, it makes me furious the way every- one of you is down on John Paul. He never says one word, but you sneer and laugh at him. Oh, why can't you see how wonderful it is that he should have worked this out all alone, without a soul in the world to help him or encourage him! Oh, it's not fair ! SONNTAG. (Staring at her incredulously) I might have guessed it. There is something between you! TANYA. That's not true. But I'm his friend, and I'm proud of it, and you can't stop me! SONNTAG. Listen, Tanya it is not safe to trifle with me. I am ready and glad to overlook many shortcomings in you, but I am not a man to be trifled 34 A TAILOR-MADE MAN with. Remember, and act accordingly, for that is the man you are going to marry. Good-night, Tanya. (Getting his hat and coat, he puts them on, then turns toward her) I said Good-night. TANYA. (Quietly, without looking at him) Good- night, Gustavus. (SONNTAG leaves haughtily. While he has been talking, a hurdy gurdy has passed the windows, and as he goes, it begins playing a waltz. The music continues unobtrusively throughout the remainder of the act. TANYA stands looking into space and listening dreamily for a minute. Then with a sigh and a shrug of her shoulders, she pulls down the shades, and goes quietly up- stairs. At the same moment, JOHN PAUL en- ters, dressed in evening clothes, the fur over- coat open to reveal his splendor. He takes a pair of white kid gloves from the pocket, and stands putting them on in front of the large mir- ror, as he moves backward and forward to get the ensemble effect. He is studying himself with critical approbation, when TANYA re-enters from the stairs, carrying the coverings for the tables. Somewhat startled, she puts them on the desk, and comes toward him, not recognising him un- til he turns and faces her.) TANYA. (With a gasp) Why ! JOHN PAUL. (Charmingly, as he doffs his hat) You don't remember me, Miss Huber? TANYA. (Staring incredulously) John Paul! JOHN PAUL. (With an engaging manner) Simply delighted to meet you again, Miss Huber. I thought you were still at Palm Beach. Caruso is in horrible voice this evening, don't you think? (In familiar manner) Well ? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 35 TANYA. (Still unable to believe her eyes) What in the world has happened ? JOHN PAUL. Nothing, nothing whatever. This is what I've always been, only my clothes are a little different. TANYA. I just can't believe it ! JOHN PAUL. That proves I was right when I said all I needed was the clothes. Would you ever sus- pect this was the first time in my life I'd been on the inside of a dress suit ? Lord, how good it does feel ! I always knew that clothes would be just like wings to a man of my soaring nature. Without them I crept along the ground like a caterpillar. With them I can fly straight to the goal of my dreams ! TANYA. But where did you ever get them? JOHN PAUL. Destiny. I've waited thirty-two years and five months, and now, all of a sudden without any warning voila! TANYA. Why, those are Mr. Jellicot's clothes! JOHN PAUL. For this evening they are my clothes. Wouldn't you think they were made expressly for me? Look ! (He throws open the fur coat, demon- strating the fit of the garments.) TANYA. But you've no right to them! You must go and take them off this minute ! JOHN PAUL. Hardly ! TANYA. But you'll get Father into such a lot of trouble ! JOHN PAUL. No, I won't, leave it to me. Your father shan't suffer by anything I do. TANYA. But don't you realize Mr. Jellicot needs those clothes? JOHN PAUL. Not half so badly as I do. TANYA. But you promised to take them to him. JOHN PAUL. Yes, at the earliest possible moment. The earliest possible moment is to-morrow morning. He shall have them to-morrow morning. No one shall say I am not a man of my word. But to- 36 A TAILOR-MADE MAN night! Why, I'd have to be a tailor all the rest of my life, and deserve it, too, if I failed to take ad- vantage of this opportunity. TANYA. Opportunity ? JOHN PAUL. Haven't you roticed that everybody is going to the reception at the Stanlaws this eve- ning? Well, I'm going, too. TANYA. You're not in earnest ! JOHN PAUL. Didn't I tell you I was waiting for my star to rise? Well, it has risen. Here are the clothes to make me presentable ; that's the first step. And there, in the palatial mansion I'm going to, is the great Nathan, the inaccessible Nathan, ready to make my fortune for me. TANYA. But you can't get in! You don't know a soul there ! JOHN PAUL. Lucky ! 1 don't know a soul and not a soul knows me. I've a free hand carte blanche. Everything depends on my own wits. TANYA. Oh, you can never do it in the world ! JOHN PAUL. It's worth a try. TANYA. But suppose Mr. Jellicot should be there ? JOHN PAUL. Without his clothes? TANYA. But how can you get introduced to peo- ple? JOHN PAUL. I shall introduce myself. TANYA. Oh, but if you get caught ! JOHN PAUL. I'll have spread my wings once ! I'll have flown up toward the sun once! TANYA. There never was anyone in the world like you, John Paul ! (JOHN PAUL turns to her) I think you're wonderful ! JOHN PAUL. You've always been kind to me, Miss Tanya ! Jolly nice about taking my part when I've got in wrong with your father. Won't you wish me good luck ? I think it would be a help to know that A TAILOR-MADE MAN 37 someone a friend was wishing me luck. Won't you? TANYA. (Ex-tending her hand) I wish you good luck in everything, John Paul. JOHN PAUL. You mean it, too ; I see it in your eyes. I never saw them shine so bright. TANYA. Are you really going to do this thing? JOHN PAUL. I am. TANYA. But have you any money? JOHN PAUL. (Lightly) Not a red. TANYA. (Eagerly) Oh, let me lend you some! JOHN PAUL. Oh, no! TANYA. Please! I've thirty-five dollars that no- body knows about. JOHN PAUL. Not for anything in the world ! If I succeed, I'll get the money. If I don't succeed, it won't matter. Nothing will matter. TANYA. Oh, but I'd like to help you, John Paul ! JOHN PAUL. (Impulsively) You dear, dear girl ! don't worry about me. (Doffing his hat with a grand bow) And now, Miss Huber, I bid you a very good evening. You know it would never do to keep all those people waiting. (He goes, while the organ still plays and TANYA stands looking after him with a wistful, admiring glance.) CURTAIN ACT II SCENE : A reception room in the palatial and newly completed residence of MR. and MRS. STANLAW. // is a spaciou-s and formal room, furnished and decorated in the very best taste of the very best decorator. A baby-grand piano, upper Right, a settee, Centre, and a small table with chairs either side, Left, are the principal furnishings. Centre Back is an imposing open stairway; and doors closed by portieres are on either side, Left, to the entrance hall, and Right, to the din- ing-room and offices. The ball-room is Right Centre, and is approached by a short flight of stairs, also open. When the curtain rises, the reception is well under way, and there are guests coming and going, with laughter and gay talk. MRS. STANLAW, near the piano, is the gra- cious hostess. Her manner is cultivated, and has just a suggestion of snobbishness. Her husband, who is with another group, Left, is of more common mould. He is self-made, and more at home in his office than his reception- room, but he does his bit conscientiously. COR- INNE, Right, is exceedingly pretty, though rather cold, and her manners are well-bred. She is capricious and wilful, accustomed both to flat- tery and obedience. "BOBBIE" WESTLAKE and the other youths with whom she is chatting are 38 A TAILOR-MADE MAN 39 presentable society men, her willing slaves. MR. and MRS. FITZMORRIS, the first guests to be an- nounced by WHEATING, the perfectly trained butler, are smart society people. When the curtain rises a man in livery is car- rying a tray of drinks among the guests. There is music from the ballroom at intervals throughout this act, but it is never obtrusive. WHEATING. (Announcing) Mr. and Mrs. Fitz- morris ! (MR. and MRS. FITZMORRIS enter and WHEATING exits.) MRS. STANLAW. My dear, I was so afraid you weren't coming! FITZMORRIS. Good evening, Mrs. Stanlaw. MRS. STANLAW. Good evening. STANLAW. Hello, Fitz! Welcome, old man! FITZMORRIS. Thanks ! (They shake hands) Glad to be here, Stanlaw. (He moves upstage Left with STANLAW.,) MRS. FITZMORRIS. (To MRS. STANLAW j It is really atrocious of us to be so late, dear, but I had given my solemn promise to Fanny Greenway that I would sit in her box for at least two acts of "II Trovatore." MRS. STANLAW. My dear Polly, don't mention it. I only feared we might miss you altogether. How was Caruso? MRS. FITZMORRIS. In beautiful voice! Gear as a phonograph record. FITZMORRIS. By Jove, Stanlaw, you've a wonder- ful house here, wonderful ! STANLAW. Like it, eh? Of course, everything is very simple but that is our ideal of a home. MRS. FITZMORRIS. I know it. And such a beau- 40 A TAILOR-MADE MAN tiful ideal, too. Oh, but there's my darling Corinne. (Going to her) Good evening, Corinne dear ! How adorable you do look to-night. (MRS. STANLAW moves over Left Centre and con- verses in an undertone with FITZ MORRIS and STANLAW. ) WESTLAKE. Doesn't she? CORINNE. I don't feel at all adorable, Mrs. Fitz- morris. You know Mr. Carroll and Mr. Westlake, don't you? Pardon me a moment. (Leaving the group, she goes to her mother, and says abruptly) Mother, I think it's a perfectly ridiculous idea to have these horrid men walking about with trays of drinks serving the guests. MRS. STANLAW. You're right, Corinne: it's ghastly ! The caterer's to blame. They're his men. (PETER, dressed in livery and carrying a tray of drinks, enters, Left. His eccentricities are em- phasized by his costume.) CORINNE. Well, the caterer should know better. Do speak to Father about it, please ! MRS. STANLAW. Yes, dear, at once. PETER. (To MRS. STANLAW, extending the tray toward her) Drink, lady? fCoRiNNE, with an impatient exclamation, joins group at piano.) MRS. STANLAW. (To PETER,) What are you do- ing? PETER. Fetchin* drinks around. MRS. STANLAW. Who told you to do that? PETER. Mr. de Corville, the man that hired me. A TAILOR-MADE MAN 41 MRS. STANLAW. Doesn't Mr. de Corville know enough to fill the punch bowl? PETER. I don't know nothin' about that; I'm only hired by the night. STANLAW. (To his wife) Don't blame the ca- terer, it's really my fault. That was my idea. MRS. STANLAW. Mark, you're utterly hopeless! (Annoyed but helpless, she joins CORINNE at the piano.) STANLAW. (To PETERJ Give us a look, boy. What you got? PETER. Cocktails, rickies, Scotch and soda. STANLAW. Where's the champagne? PETER. Comes next time. STANLAW. Why not all the time? Aren't we able to afford champagne in this house? PETER. Don't know nothin' about that ; I'm only hired in by the evenin'. STANLAW. Well, after this, make it champagne and nothing but champagne, understand? PETER. Aye ! STANLAW. Have a little cocktail, Fitzmorris? FITZMORRIS. I'll be very glad to get it. (Both take cocktails from the tray, drink, and put the glasses on the piano. PETER exits Right.) MRS. FITZMORRIS. Oh, music ! A one-step ! MRS. STANLAW. Corinne, dear, you had better go to the ballroom ; they're beginning. CORINNE. Yes, come along! (She urges the couples to go, and finally goes herself with WEST- LAKEj MRS. FITZMORRIS. Oh, lovely ! (To her hus- band) Come, Dick! CORINNE. But won't you come, too, Mother? 42 A TAILOR-MADE MAN MRS. STANLAW. Not yet, dear. Your Father and I must stay on duty a little longer; there may still be a few stragglers. MRS. FITZMORRIS. Very well. Come along, Dick, that music goes to my feet. (The guests have all left for the ball-room, and MR. and MRS. STANLAW are alone in the reception room.) WHEATING. (Enters and announces) Mr. John Paul Bart ! (JOHN PAUL a.? he enters, has indeed the real thing in manner as well as in clothes. But we who know him and are eager for his success, are always conscious of the tension underneath, and of his determination to stake every thing on this one big chance.) JOHN PAUL. (Bowing to STANLAW,) Good eve- ning! STANLAW. Good evening! JOHN PAUL. (Bowing to MRS. STANLAW J Good evening ! MRS. STANLAW. Good evening! JOHN PAUL. (Hearing the music, he points Right) Is that the way to the ball room ? MR. and MRS. STANLAW. Yes. JOHN PAUL. (To MRS. STANLAW,) Thank you. (Turning to STANLAW ) Thank you. (He smiles and saunters off to the ball-room) STANLAW. Who is that young man? MRS. STANLAW. I didn't catch the name. Don't you know him? STANLAW. I never saw him before in my life. MRS. STANLAW. He's a stranger to me. STANLAW. That's funny ! (He moves above the A TAILOR-MADE MAN 43 piano and stands looking at JOHN PAUL'S retreating figure) MRS. STANLAW. (Also looking after JOHN PAULJ He's most likely someone Corinne invited. STANLAW. Yes, probably one of those polo play- ers she got acquainted with last summer. WHEATING. (Announcing) Mr. Rowlands! ('ROWLANDS enters.) ROWLANDS. (Bowing to MRS. STANLAW) Good evening, Mrs. Stanlaw. MRS. STANLAW. Good evening. (Bowing coolly and sitting downstage Right) ROWLANDS. Mr. Stanlaw, how are you? STANLAW. Fine, thank you, Mr. Rowlands. How's yourself ? ROWLANDS. Very well, thank you. Mrs. Stan- law, I want to tell you how much I appreciated being allowed to look in at your reception. I hope I can work up an article that will give you real satisfac- tion. MRS. STANLAW. I am not a believer in publicity, Mr. Rowlands, but if we must be in the papers, why, I suppose you are the man to do it. Mark, give Mr. Rowlands his facts and figures. STANLAW. Well, in the first place, we estimate the cost of the house to be about a million. MRS. STANLAW. (Quite crisply, to ROWLANDS) But don't dwell on it. Don't be bourgeois about it. ROWLANDS. I understand; just a reference. MRS. STANLAW. And, Mark, tell Mr. Rowlands who's here. STANLAW. Oh, just a few friends. ROWLANDS. Including Mr. Nathan, of course. MRS. STANLAW. Oh, I must tell you! Such a disappointment! He just sent word. At the last 44 A TAILOR-MADE MAN moment there was a very important Directors' meet- ing. STANLAW. Yes, and I should have been there myself, being a Director, only I couldn't leave the party. (CORINNE enters from the ball-room with BOBBY WESTLAKE, who joins the men, up Left, while she goes directly to her mother.) CORINNE. Well, really, Mother! MRS. STANLAW. What is it, dear? CORINNE. (Irritably) I didn't know you'd in- vited Kitty Dupuy. MRS. STANLAW. I had to, dear. Didn't you ever hear what a friend she used to be of President Nathan? Those things have to be thought of. CORINNE. Yes, and Bessie with her, of course! fMRS. KITTY DUPUY enters from the ball-room. She is a luscious divorcee, ready to use her charm in any good cause, and full of fun, withal.) MRS. DUPUY. Has anyone seen dear Bobby West- lake? WESTLAKE. (Fairly caught) Oh ! ('CORINNE tosses her head with a "What did I tell you" gesture.) MRS. STANLAW. (As she rises, the perfect host- ess) Ah, Kitty ! MRS. DUPUY. Oh, there you are, you bad, dread- ful boy, you ! WESTLAKE. (Hedging) Why, Mrs. Dupuy, dreadful ? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 45 MRS. DUPUY. Whatever did you mean by cutting your first dance with my little Bessie ? WESTLAKE. Oh, did I? I'm sorry. MRS. DUPUY. That's easy to say, but you don't realize what such an oversight means to a fragile, sensitive young girl. (BESSIE DUPUY enters Right, a carefully-drilled, buxom and naive girl.) BESSIE. Mother ! MRS. DUPUY. Bessie love, come to mother. Mr. Westlake feels so mortified over his little blunder, and he begs you to have the next dance with him. There's the music ! (She propels them toward the ball-room, BESSIE doing her full share, and WEST- LAKE holding back but going perforce) Now run along ! Be off with you ! Bobby, dear, be very gentle with my little windflower. WESTLAKE. (Hopelessly) I'll try! MRS. DUPUY. How they love it, these young- sters ! Youth is so wonderful ! (To MRS. STAN- LA wj We mothers know what it is to have an only child! MRS. STANLAW. (With cutting sarcasm) Yes, dear, but I thought you had a boy, too ? MRS. DUPUY. Yes, there was a boy, but the father got the custody. WHEATING. (Announcing) Mr. Jellicot! (JELLICOT is an effervescent, innocuous yachtsman of perhaps thirty-five. He has a comic person- ality, and an assumption of British manners. He is acutely conscious that his clothes are an absurd misfit, and the fact constantly agitates him.) 46 A TAILOR-MADE MAN JELLICOT. (Nervous and excited) Good eve- ning, everybody ! ALL. Why, Mr. Jellicot ! JELLICOT. Mrs. Stanlaw, can you ever forgive me for coming at such an hour? I'm so upset and all, I don't know what to do, upon my word, I don't ! MRS. STANLAW. Why, whatever can be the trouble ? JELLICOT. The tailor ran away with my evening clothes! (To CORINNE as all laugh) I say, don't look at these! I know they're a mile out! Bor- rowed, you know. MRS. STANLAW. Why, Mr. Jellicot, they look perfectly charming ! JELLICOT. Really ! MRS. DUPUY. Teddy Jellicot, you would be charming in anything! JELLICOT. Hello, Mrs. Kitty Dupuy! Oh, I say now, you know ! ROWLANDS. But haven't you got any trace of the runaway tailor, Mr. Jellicot? JELLICOT. Gad, no, I wouldn't stop for that to- night. (To MRS. STANLAW,) I was bound to come to your party to-night, Mrs. Stanlaw, if I died in the act. I'm so anxious to meet the great Nathan. MRS. STANLAW. Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Jellicot! At the last minute there was a very important Direc- tors' meeting. JELLICOT. (Wholly dismayed) Good God ! Then Nathan's not here ! MRS. STANLAW. No. It's such a disappointment to all of us. JELLICOT. Oh, dear me! Oh, dear me! Why, I've been waiting, I don't know how many months, for the chance to meet him. STANLAW. Nathan's a very hard man to meet. JELLICOT. (Earnestly) That's it! That's it! A TAILOR-MADE MAN 47 You see, the one thing in the world I want is his vote to get me into the Ionian Yacht Club. STANLAW. The Ionian Yacht Club? Can't be done, Jellicot ! There's a waiting list as long as that ahead of you. JELLICOT. But Nathan's the one man who can get me in. Once I get at him, I fancy I can swing it for, you see, I flatter myself I figured rather handsomely in a little incident he'll be glad to have recalled to his mind. MRS. STANLAW. Oh, do tell us about it ! JELLICOT. Really want to hear it? ALL. (Ad lib) Oh, yes! What is it, Teddy? Tell us about it ! JELLICOT. Well, it was on the day of the Pre- paredness Parade ROWLANDS. Yes? JELLICOT. Oh, but I forgot! You're a news- paper man. ROWLANDS. No matter, you can trust me. JELLICOT. Oh, can I? No, sir. I'll bottle it up. Never trust a newspaper man with a good story. ROWLANDS. Oh, I say now, really! CORINNE. Then come and tell me, Teddy. JELLICOT. No, I won't tell anyone but Mr. Nathan himself. But, I say, Corinne, isn't that a dance going on? CORINNE. Yes. JELLICOT. Well, have it with me, will you? CORINNE. Well JELLICOT. Never mind about these clothes. CORINNE. (Laughing) Well, for your sake, yes! (They go to the ball-room, laughing and chatting, MRS. STANLAW following them to the foot of 48 A TAILOR-MADE MAN the stairs. PETER enters at the same moment carrying an empty tray.) STANLAW.' (To PETER, as he crosses) Hi, there, boy, what you doin' now ? PETER. (As he takes the two empty glasses from the piano) Pickin' up the empties. (Exits) MRS. STANLAW. Please don't put that in your article, Mr. Rowlands. The servant question is im- possible. ROWLANDS. I understand. And now, Mrs. Stan- law, am I to be allowed to go over the new house with you ? MRS. STANLAW. (Going up the stairs) Yes, I think I could be spared now. No one is likely to come after this. fMRS. STANLAW up the stairs) Won't you come, too, Kitty? MRS. DUPUY. No, thank you, dear, I think I had better stay here and keep a wee bit of a look-out over my little Bessie. STANLAW. (As he follows her with ROWLANDS,) Of course, everything is very, very simple, but that is our ideal of a home. (JOHN PAUL enters from the ball-room between two girls. They are laughing and chatting as they go to the main stairxvay.) GIRL. (On the stairs) We're going to look over the house. Won't you come, too, Mr. Bart? JOHN PAUL. I'd be delighted. (Seeing MRS. Dupuvj I'll follow you in a moment, if you'll excuse me. GIRLS. Certainly! (They go up the stairs and off-) (JOHN PAUL realizes that MRS. DUPUY, who is stand- ing near the stairs, must be his. next conquest, A TAILOR-MADE MAN 49 and he comes a little nearer. She sees him, smiles slightly, and very slowly starts up- stairs.) JOHN PAUL. Forgive me! (MRS. DUPUY turns to him) I wonder if you could tell me the name of that lovely bit of music they're playing-. MRS. DUPUY. The name ? Oh, I'm so sorry ! All I know is that it's strangely beautiful ! JOHN PAUL. Ah, you love music, too ! MRS. DUPUY. Love it ! I adore it ! JOHN PAUL. Let me see, what is it Shakespeare says about music? "The man " MRS. DUPUY. (Interrupting) Yes, yes, I know ! It's so beautiful ! Shakespeare did understand ! (Dropping her fan) JOHN PAUL. (Restoring the fan to her with a gallant bow) Permettez, Madame! Voila! MRS. DUPUY. Merci, monsieur ! Mais vous etes, charmant ! (She opens the fan and waves it lan- guidly) JOHN PAUL. (With expressive and eager ges- ture) Ah, just like that ! Don't move ! You make the picture perfect ! A Watteau ! MRS. DUPUY. (Laughing delightedly) You flat- terer ! (She sits on the sofa) JOHN PAUL. (Sitting beside her, Right) May I sit here? MRS. DUPUY. (With delight) You're perfectly outrageous ! We haven't been introduced. JOHN PAUL. Couldn't we waive the formalities this once ? This is so nice ! MRS. DUPUY. It's against my principles (Looking at him and smiling) But no matter this once. I am Mrs. Dupuy. JOHN PAUL. My dear lady, as if you needed to tell me! Why, who could you be but Mrs. Dupuy? MRS. DUPUY. (Laughing delightedly) You're 50 A TAILOR-MADE MAN really delightful ! (A slight pause) But but you? JOHN PAUL. (As if surprised, and just a little shocked) Oh, I see! You don't recognize me? MRS. DUPUY. (Embarrassed) I know it's stupid of me ! Of course I ought to, but my memory is so treacherous sometimes. JOHN PAUL. (With a cool smile) I'll give you three guesses. MRS. DUPUY. (Earnestly) No, no, you must just be charming and tell me right out. JOHN PAUL. As you prefer. (Quietly) I am John Paul Bart. MRS. DUPUY. (Absolutely at a loss, but with a desperate effort to appear properly intelligent) Oh! not really ! Well, this is delightful ! Of course I've heard of you so often and wanted to meet you, too, but somehow or other WHEATING. (Announcing) Mr. Abraham Na- than! ^ABRAHAM NATHAN is a distinguished and authori- tative financier, of the Jewish race. He has courtly manners, and he is both large-minded and sincere. As NATHAN enters, JOHN PAUL rises, and stands watching him, waiting for his chance.) MRS. DUPUY. Why, Abraham Nathan, it's you! NATHAN. (With courtly grace) Kitty Dupuy! This is most unexpected and most delightful ! (Kissing her extended hand) MRS. DUPUY. (Making room for him on the sofa) Do sit down! ('NATHAN obeys) But they said you weren't coming. NATHAN. I expected to be kept until midnight by my Directors, but we finally adjourned until the morning. MRS. DUPUY. It isn't another strike? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 51 NATHAN. Not yet. At least not when I left. MRS. DUPUY. You poor dear soul! NATHAN. I appreciate the kind words, Kitty. One gets so little but abuse these days. JOHN PAUL. Yet abuse is one expression of envy. NATHAN. (Surprised at the interruption) I beg pardon. JOHN PAUL. And I beg yours, Mr. Nathan. I see you don't remember me. NATHAN. (Coolly) Sorry but I meet so many. (Turning again to MRS. DUPUYJ You see, Kitty, j JOHN PAUL. (Interrupting) Then you'll not be offended if I remind you of a little incident that oc- curred when you were leaving the Reviewing Stand with the Governor the day of the Preparedness Parade. A crack-brained laborer threw a stone at your head. Do you recall? NATHAN. (Graciously, as he comes toward JOHN PAUL,) To be sure I recall. A gentleman standing near me caught the stone in his silk hat. JOHN PAUL. (With an air of extreme modesty) It was only a slight service, I know, but you were so good as to insist that the gentleman in question should not allow you to forget. MRS. DUPUY. (With enthusiasm) Oh, and now you meet again ! How perfectly thrilling ! NATHAN. Why, this is indeed a fortunate meet- ing! (Shaking hands heartily with JOHN PAUL) Young man, I firmly believe you saved my life! JOHN PAUL. (Seeming quite overwhelmed) Oh, no, I really can't let you say that ! I'm quite sure I didn't save your life ! MRS. DUPUY. (Coming between the two men) Did you ever hear of such modesty? NATHAN. I'm sorry I forgot to keep in touch 52 A TAILOR-MADE MAN with you. You must forgive me. My life is such a busy one. Did you give your name? JOHN PAUL. I did not. MRS. DUPUY. Then let me introduce you. Abram, I want to make you acquainted with Mr. John Paul Bart. NATHAN. I am very glad to know you, Mr. Bart. ('NATHAN is again shaking hands heartily with JOHN PAUL when MR. STANLAW enters by the main stairway, his wife following.) STANLAW. There he is. NATHAN. Good evening, Stanlaw! STANLAW. How are you, Nathan? MRS. STANLAW. Wheating just brought us word. I feel excessively mortified not to have been here to receive you. (MRS. DUPUY moves up Right, crosses and works dozvn stage L. JOHN PAUL has turned Right as the STANLAWS enter.) NATHAN. Don't mention it, Mrs. Stanlaw. The fault was mine, wholly. Stanlaw, we missed you at the Directors' meeting this evening. STANLAW. Well, you see how it was, Nathan. I was tied up with this darned old reception. NATHAN. You're exonerated. ' But don't fail us to-morrow; we face a crisis. You will forgive me, Mrs. Stanlaw, if I make my visit a brief one? MRS. STANLAW. Why, of course ! NATHAN. There's Mr. Bart waiting to say good evening to you. (He leaves her and converses with MRS. DUPUY and STANLAW,) MRS. STANLAW. (To JOHN PAUL, a little pus- sled) Good evening! A TAILOR-MADE MAN 53 JOHN PAUL. Good evening, Mrs. Stanlaw. MRS. STANLAW. The name was ? JOHN PAUL. Bart. John Paul Bart. MRS. STANLAW. Bart? Odd! I don't seem to remember JOHN PAUL. (Quickly) I must offer my apolo- gies, Mrs. Stanlaw, for coming without an invita- tion MRS. STANLAW. (Interrupting) Say no more about it. You're a friend of President Nathan? JOHN PAUL. Our friendship is recent, but al- ready it's quite the biggest thing in my life. MRS. STANLAW. I love to hear you say that. MRS. DUPUY. (Going up the main staircase, fol- lowed by NATHAN and STANLAW,) Mr. Stanlaw is going to show us all over the new house. You'll come, too, dear? MRS. STANLAW. Not this time, Kitty. I'm going to stay here and have a little chat with Mr. Bart. MRS. DUPUY. Oh! I understand! (Continuing up the stairs) Come, Abram ! STANLAW. (Following MRS. DUPUY ) Of course everything is very, very simple, but that is our ideal of a home. (The three exit.) MRS. STANLAW. (As she sits on the sofa) Sit down, Mr. Bart. JOHN PAUL. (Sitting Right of her) A very wonderful reception, Mrs. Stanlaw. MRS. STANLAW. Thank you! (A slight pause) Are you associated with Mr. Nathan in a business way? JOHN PAUL. Not yet ; but I expect to be. MRS. STANLAW. How interesting! JOHN PAUL. (A little anxious, as he glances around) This is confidential. 54 A TAILOR-MADE MAN MRS. STANLAW. Oh, of course ! (A slight pause) And do you live in the neighborhood ? JOHN PAUL. Singular thing about that! I quitted my old lodgings this very afternoon. They had become impossible. I shall try hotel life for a while. MRS. STANLAW. I should think you would prefer one of your clubs. JOHN PAUL. I've little use for clubs. There's only one club where I really drop in often the Knickerbocker. MRS. STANLAW. The Knickerbocker? Well! Tell me more about yourself. I wonder what friends we have in common. JOHN PAUL. Of course there's Kitty Dupuy. MRS. STANLAW. Poor Kitty ! (JOHN PAUL is at first puzzled by her patronising tone and laugh, but he soon takes the cue, and laughs as heartily as she does.) MRS. STANLAW. And who else? JOHN PAUL. Let me see! (Slight pause) Do you know Mr. Huber? MRS. STANLAW. (Trying to recall the name) Huber? Huber? No! JOHN PAUL. Too bad! Nice fellow, Huber! MRS. STANLAW. Tell me about him. JOHN PAUL. Between ourselves, Mrs. Stanlaw, I've never known anyone with Mr. Huber's skill at measuring men. MRS. STANLAW. A rare gift, Mr. Bart. I con- stantly impress the importance of it on Corinne. JOHN PAUL. Ah! Corinne! MRS. STANLAW. You've met her? JOHN PAUL. Not yet, but I'm most anxious to do so. MRS. STANLAW. (Sincerely) And I am most A TAILOR-MADE MAN 55 anxious that you should. There are too many frivo- lous young men dancing attendance on her merely because she happens to be an heiress. That is one of the problems we mothers have to face. (During this speech to which JOHN PAUL has listened with sympathetic understanding, CORINNE has come down the big staircase accompanied by four boys, WEST- LAKE, CRANE, CARROLL and FLEMING. They are all singing as they enter, and they go at once to the piano, CORINNE playing softly the song that they have been singing) Oh, here she is now. I'll in- troduce you. Corinne, dear, Corinne! CORINNE. Yes, Mother? MRS. STANLAW. I want you to meet Mr. John Paul Bart. Mr. Bart, my daughter Corinne. JOHN PAUL. (With a profound bow) Miss Stanlaw, this is a moment I have long anticipated. CORINNE. (Coolly) Thank you. MRS. STANLAW. We were just talking about you when you came in. Mr. Bart is one of President Nathan's friends. CORINNE. (Interested) Oh! JOHN PAUL. You were just going to play some- thing, Miss Stanlaw. May I listen, too? MRS. STANLAW. Yes, do play something for Mr. Bart, dear. (To JOHN PAUL, as CORINNE sits at the piano) Corinne studied for two years with Petroskowski. JOHN PAUL. Delightful! (Doing the best he can) Petro skowski ! MRS. STANLAW. If you will excuse me, Mr. Bart, I really must look after my guests. WESTLAKE. Now get it right, Corinne. CARROLL. Oh, keep quiet! MRS. STANLAW. Oh, Mr. Bart, let me introduce Mr. Crane, Mr. Carroll, Mr. Fleming and Mr. West- lake. (The men acknowledge the introduction) WESTLAKE. How do you do? 56 A TAILOR-MADE MAN JOHN PAUL. Charmed! Oh, Mrs. Stanlaw, didn't you say you were going to ask these gentlemen to assist you in the dining room? (The four BOYS glare at BART.J MRS. STANLAW. (Laughing and quick to take the hint) Oh ! Why, to be sure, Mr. Bart ! Our servants are so hopeless to-night, I've decided to im- press some of you boys into service. Now run along. Come, Howard ! Dick ! And Bobby, you too ! Run along ! WESTLAKE. I don't understand. CARROLL. Good little boys don't ask questions; they do as they're told. (The boys go to dining-room, very unwillingly, and MRS. STANLAW follows. CORINNE rises and starts to join them.) CORINNE. But, Mother! MRS. STANLAW. Corinne ! It's all right ! CORINNE. What in the world are you thinking of? MRS. STANLAW. (At the door sweetly, but firmly) Dearie! CORINNE. (Vexed) Oh ! JOHN PAUL. You really mustn't expect any sym- pathy from me, Miss Stanlaw, for the fact is I was pining for a chance to have a little visit with you tete-a-tete. (CORINNE tosses her head) Ah, Miss Stanlaw, don't move ! With your head at just that angle you are perfect ! A Chase ! CORINNE. (Bitingly, as she sits at the piano) Do you make a specialty of pretty speeches ? JOHN PAUL. (Leaning across the piano and gas- ing at her) I only wish I did, for then I might find one that would fit you. A TAILOR-MADE MAN $7 CORINNE. Oh, I see ! I'm hard to fit ! JOHN PAUL. A beautiful picture should be framed with care. CORINNE. You don't waste any time, do you? JOHN PAUL. I've no time to waste. CORINNE. Meaning? JOHN PAUL. Meaning that with me it's now 01 never. CORINNE. You don't say so ! JOHN PAUL. Opportunity knocks once on every man's door. To-night it knocked on mine. CORINNE. (Laughing) I don't know just what you're talking about, but I'm listening. JOHN PAUL. At least I feel flattered by your in- terest. CORINNE. Do you ? Well, I didn't say I was in- terested. JOHN PAUL. Ah, but you will be ! CORINNE. My, how sure of ourselves we are ! JOHN PAUL. Do play something, Miss Stanlaw. ('CORINNE plays) What a beautiful melody ! CORINNE. Do you mean it? JOHN PAUL. I do, really. By what composer? CORINNE. Oh, you flatter me, Mr. Bart. It's just a little something of my own. Pretty? JOHN PAUL. You are, indeed ! CORINNE. (Laughing) I mean the melody. JOHN PAUL. The most beautiful I ever heard. CORINNE. (As she stops playing) You're a mu- sician? JOHN PAUL. I wish I were; I'd answer that glo- rious melody with another. CORINNE. I see! You're a poet. JOHN PAUL. What makes you say that? CORINNE. Well, you're some sort of a genius; anyone can see that very plainly. JOHN PAUL. Not anyone. It takes a genius to know a genius. 58 A TAILOR-MADE MAN CORINNE. Oh, thank you! (MRS. DUPUY and BESSIE enter by main staircase.) MRS. DUPUY. Oh, Mr. Bart! So sorry to in- terrupt ! Corinne, just a moment, if you don't mind, dear. Bessie, love, I want you to meet Mr. John Paul Bart. BESSIE. Oh ! MRS. DUPUY. Mr. Bart, my little Bessie. (BES- SIE curtsies) JOHN PAUL. Miss Dupuy, this is a moment I have long anticipated. (CORINNE pounds the keys) MRS. DUPUY. I want you and Bessie to be friends. JOHN PAUL. In just that attitude, Miss Bessie don't move! you are perfect! A Greuze! ( CO- RINNE pounds the keys) MRS. DUPUY. (To BESSIE,) Tell Mr. Bart you have a one-step open on your card if he cares to dance. BESSIE. I have a one-step open on my card if you care to dance, Mr. Bart. JOHN PAUL. I should be delighted (CORINNE pounds the keys) but Miss Stanlaw has just prom- ised me the next one-step. (CORINNE stops playing and stares at him.) MRS. DUPUY. (Looking knowingly at BART and CORINNE,) Oh, I see ! (A bit embarrassed) Well, then, perhaps some other time. BESSIE. Yes, perhaps some other time. JOHN PAUL. Yes, perhaps some other time. MRS. DUPUY. (To BESSIEJ Tell Mr. Bart you're pleased to have met him. BESSIE. I'm pleased to have met you. MRS. DUPUY. (Prompting her) Mr. Bart. BESSIE. Mr. Bart. A TAILOR-MADE MAN 59 JOHN PAUL. The pleasure is all mine, Miss Du- puy. I consider it a privilege, an honor, to have made the acquaintance of so exquisite, so fascinating a creature as you appear to be. ( CORINNE resumes her playing with emphasis.) BESSIE. (Curtseying) Thank you! MRS. DUPUY. Run along, Bessie love. BESSIE. Yes, Mamma! ('BESSIE goes to the ball-room. MRS. DUPUY follows her, but turns at the foot of the stairs.) MRS. DUPUY. (To BARTJ She is unusual, isn't she? JOHN PAUL. Decidedly. MRS. DUPUY. (To CORINNEJ So sorry to have interrupted ! CORINNE. (Sweetly) Oh, don't mention it ! MRS. DUPUY. (Sarcastically) I won't not to a soul ! I understand ! CCORINNE turns and glares at her as she runs up- stairs, laughing maliciously.) JOHN PAUL. (Leaning on the piano) Nice girl, Kitty. CORINNE. Why did you tell her we were going to have the next one-step together. JOHN PAUL. Well, aren't we? CORINNE. It's the first I've heard of it. JOHN PAUL. Then, coming as a surprise, you'll probably enjoy it all the more. CORINNE. (Laughing) You are extraordinary! JOHN PAUL. I admit it. CORINNE. (Amused) Who are you, anyway? JOHN PAUL. I am John Paul Bart. 60 A TAILOR-MADE MAN CORINNE. And who is John Paul Bart? JOHN PAUL. I am. CORINNE. (Amused) I see! You're a man of mystery. JOHN PAUL. No, I'm a man of Destiny. CORINNE. A man of Destiny? And do you aspire to do great things like Napoleon? JOHN PAUL. No; but to do the things Napoleon left undone. CORINNE. I see ! (Studying him for a moment) Do you really want the next one-step with me? JOHN PAUL. I thought it was all arranged. CORINNE. It is with another partner! I'll run and see if I can beg off. Shall I? JOHN PAUL. Will you? CORINNE. I will. I'll be right back. JOHN PAUL. And I'll be right here. (JOHN PAUL strolls about, smiling complacently, but not forgetting that his present achievements are only a beginning. He is arranging his cuffs and tie, when PETER enters from the hall, carry- ing a tray of champagne. He hesitates and looks curiously at JOHN PAUL'S back, while JOHN PAUL, wholly unconscious of his pres- ence, eomes Right Centre. PETER comes to the front of the settee, staring at JOHN PAUL, who not noticing him, comes to Centre. JOHN PAUL is very near him before he looks up, gives a start, and looks around as though he would bolt. There is a slight pause. Then JOHN PAUL takes a glass of champagne from the tray, hesi- tates, smiles in a sickly, nervous way, then boldly takes a sip, and holds the glass up to the light.) PETER. (Finally able to speak, as JOHN PAUL puts the glass again to his lips) What the hell are you doing here ? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 61 JOHN PAUL. I'm a guest of the Stanlaws. (Tak- ing another sip) PETER. You can't get away with it as easy as all that, Johnny Paul. I want some explanations. JOHN PAUL. Want some what? PETER. Where'd you get them clothes? (Look- ing closely at JOHN PAUL'S suit) Why, those are Mr. Jellicot's clothes as I was workin' on this after- noon! And you mean to tell me ! Oh, Lord, that's good! You mean to tell me you're a guest here? JOHN PAUL. Ask anyone. PETER. Know who ye are, do they ? JOHN PAUL. I have never been ashamed of my name. PETER. And you told them you was a tailor's hand? JOHN PAUL. I saw no reason for insisting on non-essentials. PETER. Now, look here, Johnny Paul ! I don't understand nothin' about this, but one thing I do know well and good : I've got ye right under my heel like a worm on the sidewalk, and if I want to squash ye, I can ! (And he grinds his heel expres- sively) JOHN PAUL. If I were in your place it seems to me I'd look about for some more lasting, more lucra- tive way of settling our account. PETER. As what, for instance? JOHN PAUL. You happen to be in possession of a secret. That secret is of no value if you tell it. On the other hand, it might be of considerable value if you refrain from telling it. (Taking another sip of the wine) You know, I'd no idea champagne tasted like that ! PETER. (Sullenly) So you think I'm a man that can be bought off, do you? 62 A TAILOR-MADE MAN JOHN PAUL. (Sitting) Bigger men than you are are bought off every day of the year. PETER. I'm goin' to tell, I am ! (PETER has started toward the ball-room as he speaks, and JOHN PAUL has risen hastily. But he stops as he reaches the foot of the stairs, and JOHN PAUL sits again with a smile.) JOHN PAUL. Well, why don't you go? PETER. (Looking cautiously around, then coming close to JOHN PAUL,) If I was goin' to take money which I don't think I am I wouldn't take a cent less than fifty dollars. JOHN PAUL. (Staggered) Fifty dollars! PETER. Yes, and not a cent less. JOHN PAUL. (Coolly) It's yours. PETER. Are ye tellin' me you've got fifty dollars in your pocket? JOHN PAUL. I'm not telling you anything, but if you'll come around again in a little while I'll have it for you. PETER. How soon? JOHN PAUL. You must allow me a reasonable length of time. PETER. Very well ! If ye have the money for me the next time I come around with the drinks, well and good! But if not ! (MRS. STANLAW and JELLICOT enter from the ball- room.) JOHN PAUL. I understand you. (Putting his glass on the tray as MRS. STANLAW and JELLICOT approach) The champagne is exquisite, Mrs. Stan- law ; the best I ever tasted. MRS. STANLAW. How charming of you ! PETER. (Offering MRS. STANLAW the tray) Drink, lady? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 63 MRS. STANLAW. (Greatly vexed) Oh, go away ! Oh, Mr. Bart, I want you to meet our friend, Mr. Theodore Jellicot. (PETER has reached the stairs going to the ball-room when JOHN PAUL and JELLICOT bow, but he has looked back and seen the ill-fitting clothes, and when he hears the name, he is tremendously amused. At his exclamation, all three look at him.) PETER. Oh, Lord ! (Exits) JELLICOT. (As JOHN PAUL looks at him) He's looking at these clothes. They're borrowed, you know. MRS. STANLAW. The strangest thing, Mr. Bart! The tailor ran away with his evening clothes. JOHN PAUL. (Laughing) Well, well, well! JELLICOT. (To JOHN PAUL,) Mrs. Stanlaw tells me you're a great friend of Mr. Nathan's. Shake hands. Won't you introduce me to him ? I've some- thing very important I want to say to him. JOHN PAUL. I don't think Mr. Nathan wished any more introductions this evening. JELLICOT. (To MRS. STANLAW ) What's that? MRS. STANLAW. I suppose Mr. Bart knows. You gentlemen will excuse me? JELLICOT. Of course! JOHN PAUL. Certainly! (MRS. STANLAW goes to the ball-room.) JELLICOT. I say, Mr. Bart, can't you possibly arrange this introduction? JOHN PAUL. (Sitting at the table, Left) I'd like to, but Abe is really tired out to-night. JELLICOT. Abe! JOHN PAUL. You know we're being threatened with another strike. 64 A TAILOR-MADE MAN JELLICOT. Another strike in the Oceanic Ship- yards ? JOHN PAUL. I'm sorry to have to say so. JELLICOT. I say, but look here, Mr. Bart, this meeting I'm after is in a little class all by itself, so to speak, because, you see, I flatter myself I figured rather handsomely in a little incident he'll be glad to have recalled to his mind. JOHN PAUL. Yes? JELLICOT. It was on the day of the Prepared- ness Parade. JOHN PAUL. (Laughing) Oh, surely, Mr. Jelli- cot, you're not going to get off that old one about catching the stone in the silk hat ! JELLICOT. Well, what if I was now? JOHN PAUL. Man alive, that story has been used till it's used up ! JELLICOT. Used! What do you mean, used? JOHN PAUL. That story was told to Mr. Nathan in my own presence. JELLICOT. It was? By whom? JOHN PAUL. I am not at liberty to tell you that. JELLICOT. But I tell you it was I caught that stone! // /.' // JOHN PAUL. (Rising) My dear chap, don't get excited. I've no doubt it was you, but just look at it from a common-sense angle. How can you ex- pect Mr. Nathan to take your word for it when he has already heard the same story from another man and a very charming man, too? JELLICOT. But I tell you the man is an imposter ! JOHN PAUL. I agree with you ! I agree with you ! But don't you see? Isn't it plain that it would be much wiser to leave the whole matter in my hands ? (PETER enters and comes toward them.) A TAILOR-MADE MAN 65 JELLICOT. In your hands! Why, will you help me? JOHN PAUL. That's what I'm proposing to do. JELLICOT. (Shaking hands with JOHN PAUL,) Why, that's terrifically jolly of you, old man ! Thanks, a thousand times ! PETER. (Offering the tray to the two men, com- ing between them) Drink, gents? JELLICOT. (Taking a glass from the tray) Thanks. PETER. (As he offers the tray to JOHN PAUL,) Well? JOHN PAUL. (Taking a glass of wine) Ten min- utes. (As JELLICOT turns and looks at him) I'll want another drink in ten minutes. (PETER exits.) JELLICOT. I want one every ten minutes. JOHN PAUL. (Raising his glass) Well, Jellicot, here's success! JELLICOT. Good health! (He drinks and puts the empty glass on piano) I say, do you really think you can swing it for me? JOHN PAUL. (Thoughtfully, as he crosses to Right Center) I'll try and speak about you at sup- per to-night. JELLICOT. (Following him) You're going to have supper with Nathan ? JOHN PAUL. I was planning to take him out with me, yes. (Slapping his pockets) Oh, but, by Jove ! Well, well, well ! JELLICOT. 'Why, what's wrong? JOHN PAUL. Oh, nothing! I'll take him out some other evening. JELLICOT. Oh, I say now, what's wrong? JOHN PAUL. Would you believe it? I actually 66 A TAILOR-MADE MAN came off to-night without a cent of money in my pocket. (Laughing) JELLICOT. You did? Now that's really comical, isn't it? Do you know, I did the very same thing myself ! (Also laughing) JOHN PAUL. Oh! JELLICOT. I was so upset about that beastly tailor, you know ! That's the sort I am. You see, things knock me bing, so to speak, and digging down in my pockets I found there wasn't a red. Say, doesn't it give you a damn silly feeling? JOHN PAUL. (Faintly) Yes, it does ! JELLICOT. And the worst of it is, if I was only in my own clothes instead of these borrowed ones, I would be terrifically pleased to oblige you, old chap. You may not believe it, but in that dress suit the tailor ran away with, I had two fifty-dollar bills stowed away in this little thingamajig of a fob pocket. JOHN PAUL. Where? JELLICOT. This little thingamajig here. JOHN PAUL. (Feeling in the fob pocket, and finding the bills) You know, that's a most remark- able coincidence ! JELLICOT. What's that? JOHN PAUL. Why, you've just reminded me ! f had all I need in my own fob pocket. Two fifty- dollar bills. (Showing JELLICOT the two bills) JELLICOT. Really ! JOHN PAUL. If you hadn't mentioned the fact I'd never have thought of looking there. JELLICOT. Then you keep your money in fhe same pocket I do ! JOHN PAUL. Yes, exactly! In the very same pocket ! JELLICOT. By Jove, that's a coincidence! You know it wouldn't happen twice in a lifetime. JOHN PAUL. No, but once is a great help. A TAILOR-MADE MAN 67 (Both men are laughing heartily as CORINNE enters quickly from the dining room.) CORINNE. Oh, Teddy ! Mrs. Fitzmorris was just asking for you. JELLICOT. Oh, Lord, yes, I forgot! She prom- ised to one-step with me. (Turning to JOHN PAUL) You won't let it slip your mind about taking up that matter with Nathan, will you, old boy ? JOHN PAUL. At the very first opportunity. JELLICOT. The ambition of my life is to become a member of the Ionian Yacht Club, and Nathan's the only one who can fix it. JOHN PAUL. Leave it to me and I'll bet you a suit of clothes you go through. JELLICOT. A suit of clothes? You're on! (Shaking hands again with JOHN PAUL^ JOHN PAUL. Oh, yes, they're on ! I mean, you're on! JELLICOT. (To CORINNE^ Where's Mrs. Fitz- morris in the ball-room? CORINNE. Yes. She's looking for you. JELLICOT. I'll find her. Bye, bye. (Exit) CORINNE. (Turning to JOHN PAUL) Well, it's fixed. I got rid of him. JOHN PAUL. Who? CORINNE. My partner. JOHN PAUL. Oh, yes, of course! I'd forgotten. CORINNE. You had! JOHN PAUL. No, no, I mean I thought you had. Of course! How silly of me! Come along! (He offers his arm, but they have barely started when NATHAN, STANLAW, MRS. DUPUY and BESSIE enter from their survey of the house.) MRS. DUPUY. Really, Abram, I think it's quite too horrid of you to go so soon. 68 A TAILOR-MADE MAN STANLAW. That's what I say. Why don't you stay a while and enjoy yourself? You work too darned hard, that's what's the matter with you, Nathan. CORINNE. (Dropping JOHN PAUL'S arm, and going toward NATHAN,) Must you really go, Mr. Nathan ? NATHAN. I must. I'm sorry. Being a servant of the public is no joke these days. (L. of piano) (MRS. DUPUY stands Right of Left table, BESSIE sits opposite her. STANLAW is behind the piano.) JOHN PAUL. (Turning toward NATHAN,) That is your own fault, sir. NATHAN. (Surprised) What ! MRS. DUPUY. Why, it's Mr. Bart! JOHN PAUL. Fully half the trouble could be ob- viated were it not for your notorious Nathan policy of treating the public with silence. NATHAN. Indeed ! JOHN PAUL. The American public is the most good-natured in the world. It will forgive you for strangling your grandmother, but it will not forgive you for being silent about it. If you want to live talk! NATHAN. (Coming nearer to JOHN PAUL,) I did not realize you were a sociologist as well as a life preserver. JOHN PAUL. I am neither. I am a Scientic Spe- cialist in Success. MRS. DUPUY. Listen, Bessie. JOHN PAUL. And I have discovered that your American Oceanic Shipbuilding Corporation em- bodies every essential of success save one it ignores the public. NATHAN. Yes, and with reason. The public is A TAILOR-MADE MAN 69 not disposed to accept those principles of manage- ment for which our company stands. JOHN PAUL. Five years ago it would not have ac- cepted them, but to-day the public is tired of its old idols. It is eager to listen to a new gospel. In its heart it has never ceased to worship wealth, authority, power. Very well, let us preach the Rights of Property. Let us boldly declare that wealth is the basis and symbol of that power which keeps the wheels of the social organism function- ally reciprocal. (CORINNE, MRS. STANLAW and WESTLAKE enter from the ball-room, and MRS. STANLAW seats herself on the piano-bench. Other guests come in by the main stairway and the other entrances, and from this time on through JOHN PAUL'S long speech, they continue to gather at intervals of about ten seconds. They all listen intently, never taking their eyes from his face, except to glance at each other. JELLICOT is one of the first to enter (Right), and he keeps moving nearer to JOHN PAUL and NATHAN as oppor- tunity offers. MR. and MRS. FITZMORRIS are Left, and ROWLANDS is on the stairs. Even PETER enters with his tray at the Rub-a-dub point, and stands listening open-mouthed.) NATHAN. (With cool surprise) Functionally what? JOHN PAUL. Reciprocal. Look about you, my friends! The agitators are appealing to the blind and insensate ambition of the masses caring nothing for consequences, ready to inaugurate a Reign of Terror. And shall we, my friends, we who are the natural protectors and guardians of the social order, shall we submit? Are we to abandon the ship to the pirates of Society ? Fellow citizens, 70 A TAILOR-MADE MAN you fondly imagine you are living in a Democracy, but I tell you that unless we rally to the defense of our ancient prerogatives, that Democracy will soon be swallowed up by a Proletariarchy ! MRS. DUPUY. A what? JOHN PAUL. A Proletariarchy. MRS. DUPUY. Oh, how terrible! (Sitting.) NATHAN. (Amused) Can you keep that up in- definitely ? JOHN PAUL. Yes. MRS. DUPUY. It's wonderful ! Don't you think so, Abram? NATHAN. (Amused) I do wonderful Cock- adoodalum. JOHN PAUL. (Blandly) As to that, sir, I quite agree with you. NATHAN. You agree with me? (Laughing) Well, well! JOHN PAUL. But the most wonderful thing about it all is, it'll go! It'll work; It'll do it for you! Give them a catchword; you win attention. Attention begets interest. Interest begets confi- dence. Confidence means an end to hostility. Once you have won your public you have won your case. The public breaks you, the public makes you. (With dramatic outburst) Attention there, all you who have homes and who love them ! Property is being assaulted before your very eyes ! Our sacred rights are in jeopardy! Let us rally to their defense! Who will carry our standard? Where shall we look for a champion ? Nathan ! Nathan ! Hurrah ! Rub-a-dub-dub! Rub-a-dub-dub! What do you say, sir? Is there something in it? Does it bite? Has it got the ring? Will it go? Am I right, sir? Am I right? NATHAN. (Amused, yet genuinely interested) I half believe you are. A TAILOR-MADE MAN 71 JOHN PAUL. Good ! Very well ! Then the next thing is : what are we going to do about it ? Here am I, full to the eyes with ideas the world is hungry to gulp down ! And here are you, sir, confronting a situation wherein these ideas would have an in- calculable dynamic value. I need you. You need me. Then there must certainly be some way in which we can make connections. NATHAN. You'll be telling me next that you have a plan fully formulated. JOHN PAUL. No, no, one step at a time. My plan goes no further than the next step. We must talk things over. You may not approve of me. I may not approve of you. Will you do me the honor to have supper with me to-night at my hotel ? NATHAN. To-night? JOHN PAUL. To-night. NATHAN. Why, I will be very glad to, Mr. Bart. JOHN PAUL. I thank you. Just one thing more, Mr. Nathan. You told me a while ago that if ever you could render me a service, to command you. NATHAN. And I meant it. JOHN PAUL. Very well, sir. Mr. Nathan, may I present Mr. Theodore Jellicot, a gentleman who is desirous of becoming a member of the Ionian Yacht Club? Will you kindly see to it that he is highly recommended to the Membership Committee? ^NATHAN turns and looks at JELLICOT, who is fidget- ing nervously, then turns a surprised look on JOHN PAULJ As a favor to me. NATHAN. (Smiles) Oh, very well. JELLICOT. (Grabs NATHAN'S hand) Thanks, a thousand times. NATHAN. Thank your sponsor, Mr. Bart. JOHN PAUL. He's already done that. JELLICOT. You win the suit, Mr. Bart. NATHAN. (Turning to MRS. STANLAW, who 72 A TAILOR-MADE MAN rises) This has been a highly successful evening, Mrs. Stanlaw, highly successful. JOHN PAUL. (To MRS. STANLAW, exactly in NATHAN'S manner) Yes, this has been a highly successful evening, highly successful! Boy! (To NATHAN, as PETER comes) I had a talk with this young man this evening. I find he is ambitious. I believe in ambition and I promised to help him. (Handing PETER one of his fifty-dollar bills) Here is a trifle of money for you, my boy. Lay it by. Mr. Nathan, I am at your service. (He takes NATHAN'S arm, and the two proceed leis- urely to the door, Left, and exit, all the guests watching them.) CURTAIN ACT III SCENE: JOHN PAUL'S Office in the American Oceanic Building, in the shipping district be- low Wall Street; a handsome, impressive apart- ment furnished with dignity. Across the Left Upper corner is a large bay window with window-seat which affords a view of the roofs of office buildings and of the blue harbor beyond. There are three doors, Left, Centre and Right: Left to PRESIDENT NATHAN'S Private Offices, Centre to the Stenographic Rooms, and Right to the Entrance Hall and Street. JOHN PAUL'S large desk is Left Centre, and a small one for his secretary, DR. SONNTAG, is against the wall, Upper Right. A filing case is Left of the Centre entrance, and a telephone and buzzer are on JOHN PAUL'S desk. When the curtain rises, JOHN PAUL is stand- ing Left Centre listening with amused attention to MRS. DUPUY, who, with BESSIE, is just con- cluding a visit. DR. SONNTAG sits at his desk, back to the audience, and Miss SHAYNE, a ca- pable, matter-of-fact stenographer, is working at the filing case. ROWLANDS is standing behind JOHN PAUL'S desk, facing the audience, waiting for an interview. MRS. DUPUY'S voice is heard as the curtain rises. The time is late afternoon, nine months later. MRS. DUPUY. And now that my errand is done (As she rises, BESSIE following suit) I really 73 74 A TAILOR-MADE MAN must not keep you another minute, such a frightfully busy man as you are. Good-bye, Mr. Bart ! Good- bye, Mr. Rowlands. (Shaking hands with JOHN PAULJ Come, Bessie love, we'll go now. Good-bye ! Oh, but while I think of it, my dear Mr. Bart, there was just one more thing. If you could give me that little series of Intimate Afternoon Talks ! Of course, I'll have only just the right people! The Cortelyears, the Fitzmorrises, the Stanlaws you know, people one is glad to have at one's home. JOHN PAUL. To be sure! MRS. DUPUY. Good-bye! (To BESSIE, as they start Right again, JOHN PAUL following) Now, dear, this time we really must (To JOHN PAULJ Oh, and for subjects, that is for you to decide. Anything you fancied. You're always so wonderful and inspiring when you talk. But, of course, being Lent and all, if you could give it just a touch of Uplift? (JOHN PAUL has gone behind the DUPUYS and opened the 1 door into the hall. He stands zuait- ing for them to leave with polite impatience. ROWLANDS clears his throat.) JOHN PAUL. Uplift I understand. MRS. DUPUY. Still, one doesn't want too much Uplift, does one? fBART laughs, amused) I mean, not so much as to be made uncomfortable. JOHN PAUL. Oh, certainly not! MRS. DUPUY. Bessie love, we mustn't keep Mr. Rowlands from his interview any longer. He's simply glaring at us ! ROWLANDS. Oh, Mrs. Dupuy, now really! MRS. DUPUY. Yes, you were! Bessie, dear, I hope you've noticed everything so you can make a nice entry in your diary. (At Left door) This is the door that leads to Abram Nathan's private of- A TAILOR-MADE MAN 75 fice. (Turning to JOHN PAUL'S desk) This is the desk where Mr. Bart sits and thinks those wonder- ful thoughts that have set all New York talking. (Sitting in JOHN PAUL'S chair) This is the very chair he sits in! BESSIE. How wonderful! Oh, Mamma, ask him if it's true what we hear about him and Corinne Stanlaw. MRS. DUPUY. Oh, yes! Is it? JOHN PAUL. I don't know what you've heard, Madam, but I deny it. MRS. DUPUY. Quite right ! Deny it ; that makes it certain. Come, Bessie, dear, we must go now. (Goes to BESSIE,) Say good-bye to Mr. Bart. BESSIE. (Curtseying) Good-bye. MRS. DUPUY. (Prompting her) Mr. Bart. BESSIE. Mr. Bart. JOHN PAUL. Good-bye, Miss Bessie. MRS. DUPUY. Good-bye, Mr. Bart. Now, re- member, you've promised? Faithfully! JOHN PAUL. Faithfully! MRS. DUPUY. Good-bye. JOHN PAUL. Good-bye. MRS. DUPUY. (As she exits) Bessie, love, wait for Mother. ('JOHN PAUL heaves a sigh of relief as he closes the door. GRAYSON, PRESIDENT NATHAN'S Secre- tary, enters from his Private Office.) GRAYSON. I beg pardon, Mr. Bart. JOHN PAUL. What is it, Gray son? GRAYSON. Mr. Nathan wished me to inquire whether you expected to be here for the rest of the afternoon. JOHN PAUL. Yes, and the evening, too. GRAYSON. He thinks of bringing in one or two of the directors. 76 A TAILOR-MADE MAN JOHN PAUL. I see. (Starting for his desk as GRAYSON returns to NATHAN'S private office) Miss Shayne, will you send for a messenger? Miss SHAYNE. He's here. JOHN PAUL. In just one minute, Mr. Row- lands. ROWLANDS. Certainly. JOHN PAUL. (He stands at his desk correcting page proofs and scrawling his O.K. at the top of each page) Sorry to make you wait, but these printers' proofs are overdue. ROWLANDS. Proofs? Oh, I hadn't heard. You're publishing 1 a book ? JOHN PAUL. Oh, no, only a preface that I'm con- tributing to a remarkable volume by my private secretary. You may know him Dr. Gustavus Sonntag, one of our most brilliant thinkers. Doc- tor, this is Mr. Rowlands. ROWLANDS. Doctor ! SONNTAG. (Grimly) We have met. ROWLANDS. Really? I don't remember. SONNTAG. It was you who recommended me to put the manuscript of my book in the bureau drawer. ROWLANDS. Oh, yes, that day in the tailor shop ! But, Doctor, you failed to tell me that John Paul Bart of the American Oceanic was going to launch you with a preface. That preface ought to see you 25,000 copies right off the press. SONNTAG. (Surlily) The book is for thinkers; the preface is for idiots ! ROWLANDS. I see! SONNTAG. You will like the preface. ROWLANDS. Oh! (He laughs. SHAYNE and BART register this with a head-shake and a stifled laugh) JOHN PAUL. (Handing an envelope to Miss SHAYNEJ Tell him to take these on the run. Now, Mr. Rowlands, here we are. A TAILOR-MADE MAN 77 ROWLANDS. Fine! They certainly do keep you at it! JOHN PAUL. It was about those photographs for your Sunday Supplement article. I have them here, and I thought (He picks up several unmounted photographs) ROWLANDS. You mean to say you have those photographs for me already? (Miss SHAYNE re-enters, carrying several letters.) Miss SHAYNE. Beg pardon ? JOHN PAUL. Yes, Miss Shayne? Miss SHAYNE. but if you want to get these let- ters off on the next collection JOHN PAUL. I do; it's important. (To ROW- LANDS,) Forgive me. Just one moment. (He signs the letters and Miss SHAYNE blots them) And I'd like you to make a note of these speaking dates, Miss Shayne. Youngstown the 7th, Buffalo the I2th, the Civic Club banquet, Harrisburg well, you know, they're all here. Jot them down. Miss SHAYNE. I have. JOHN PAUL. And give a formal memorandum to Dr. Sonntag. Miss SHAYNE. I did. JOHN PAUL. Is there anything you haven't done, Miss Shayne? Miss SHAYNE. I haven't made a copy of your ad- dress to the Affiliated Textile Manufacturers. JOHN PAUL. I haven't written it yet, that's the reason. Miss SHAYNE. I know it. JOHN PAUL. I'll have to stay in the office and plug it out this evening. Will you please send word to my man Pomeroy and ask him to bring me in a bite to eat by and by ? 78 A TAILOR-MADE MAN Miss SHAYNE. I told him. (Handing him an- other letter) And here's another. JOHN PAUL. What's that? Miss SHAYNE. An invitation from Mr. Jellicot asking- you to a cotillion aboard the new yacht. JOHN PAUL. Drop him a line, please, declining with a word of thanks. Miss SHAYNE. I did. JOHN PAUL. (To ROWLANDS,) Now for these photographs. (To Miss SHAYNE, as the desk phone rings) Please ? Miss SHAYNE. Yes? (To JOHN PAUL, after lis- tening a moment) Miss Stanlaw to speak to you, sir. JOHN PAUL. Tell Miss Stanlaw I'm very busy just at present, but will look for her at what was the hour? Miss SHAYNE. Five-thirty. (At the phone) Mr. Bart is very busy just at present, but will look for you at five-thirty. (She listens a second, then with a dry chuckle, hangs up) JOHN PAUL. What did she say? Miss SHAYNE. Nothing ; she hung up. JOHN PAUL. Fine ! Miss SHAYNE. Nobody can teach you anything about the female of the species ! (And she exits with the letters.) JOHN PAUL. (To ROWLANDS ) Now I want this stuff railroaded right through the works. There's not an hour to lose. We're facing the biggest crisis we've ever faced, and this must be before the public next Sunday without fail. How about it? ROWLANDS. I'm your man! I'll make up the story to-night. Have you got a title? JOHN PAUL. Yes : "Abraham Nathan, the Colos- sus with a Heart." ROWLANDS. That's the goods! Contrast > Drama Heart Interest! A TAILOR-MADE MAN 79 SONNTAG. Rubbish ! ROWLANDS. I beg pardon! JOHN PAUL. Dr. Sonntag is paging himself. ( SONNTAG grunts) How many words will you have? ROWLANDS. About six thousand. JOHN PAUL. With the pictures that'll make two articles. And look here! What we want to plug and plug hard is this: Power and Heart. Na- poleon of Organization. A Colossus among Pyg- mies, and yet the heart of the man simple and sweet as a schoolboy. Plain habits; loves his dog (Showing photographs) There's his favorite dog Mathilde, with her puppies hired for the day. I took them down with me last Sunday to his coun- try place. Loves his home loves his family (Showing another photograph) There he is with his five little grandchildren. ROWLANDS. Simply oozes! That'll go on the cover. But, tell me, are there really five grand- children ? JOHN PAUL. Oh, I may have borrowed a couple of extras. ROWLANDS. (Laughing) I take off my hat to you! SONNTAG. (Sneeringly) Do! That's it! They're all doing it! ROWLANDS. You're right, Little Sunshine, you're right ! JOHN PAUL. And there's Sally Georgiana Wash- ington Jones, the old Mammy that toted Mrs. Nathan when she was a baby. See, she's standing on the steps of the rose-covered cottage rose-covered don't forget that. ROWLANDS. Rose-covered. JOHN PAUL. Mr. Nathan built for her, ending her days in peace. Happy old face, what? 80 A TAILOR-MADE MAN ROWLANDS. Is it a fact that she calls Nathan her little old pet lambkins ? JOHN PAUL. Well, if she doesn't she ought to self-evident necessity. (Pressing buzzer on desk) And here's a fac-simile of (He is about to show him another photograph, but changes his mind and hands them all to him) No matter, they're all labeled and you'll know how to use them. (To SHAYNE, who enters with a large envelope) Miss Shayne, will you make a note of these photographs Mr. Rowlands is taking? Miss SHAYNE. I did, and here's an envelope. (She takes the photographs from ROWLANDS and puts them in the envelope) ROWLANDS. You're all right, Miss Efficiency. Miss SHAYNE. I know it. ROWLANDS. Mr. Bart, I certainly congratulate Nathan on having attached you to his interests. Why, a year ago the American Oceanic was the target for every cheap-jack mudslinger in the coun- try, and now see what your publicity campaign has done. From Bangor to Seattle the American pub- lic is coming over to you. JOHN PAUL. The public was ready to come over ; it was only waiting for the right word. ROWLANDS. The right word, yes, but what was it? You found it? SONNTAG. (Rising.) Not at all I found it. JOHN PAUL. True ! Dr. Sonntag is referring to his theories of Property. ROWLANDS. Property? I see! Well, you may have found the word, Doctor, but you didn't know how to say it. SONNTAG. In other words, I am not a mega- phone nor a semaphore nor a lady's lap dog ! ROWLANDS. Well, who said you were? SONNTAG. Oh, I see! You are like the restl A TAILOR-MADE MAN 81 You think that is the way to win success! But I tell you a success like that has no foundation it will crumble at a touch. And if you don't believe me, wait till the big strike comes ! JOHN PAUL. The big strike is not going to come. SONNTAG. Well, it's called for to-morrow. JOHN PAUL. So I understand. SONNTAG. Yes, to-morrow! And the fault is yours! JOHN PAUL. Mine? SONNTAG. Yes! Have you taken one of the steps recommended in my book to suppress the Pro- letariarch? No! And now comes the result! Every shipyard of the American Oceanic will be empty and idle to-morrow! You wait and see! JOHN PAUL. (As he rises and goes to door with ROWLANDS^ Well, while we're waiting, Mr. Row- lands, if you'll come with me I'd like to show you the model of our new shipyard at Sandy Point below Wilmington. It's out here in the engineering de- partment, and I believe there's a very good story in it for you. Some innovations that are really epoch- making. Do you know there's an electric hoist there that can actually lift (They exit) SONNTAG. (With a growl) Conceited young up- start ! Miss SHAYNE. Who's conceited, I'd like to know? You shouldn't talk like that, Dr. Sonntag. Haven't you got a nice easy berth here ? Don't you get twice the salary you'd earn any other place? Where's your kick ? SONNTAG. Oh, I see! You're in love with him, too! Miss SHAYNE. I'm no such thing! SONNTAG. It was just the same way with the young lady I'm going to marry. She was always teasing me for news of John Paul Bart, but I put a 82 A TAILOR-MADE MAN stop to that ! It disgusts me how you women have no perspicacity. Miss SHAYNE. Is that so? Well, we can tell a man when we' see one, anyhow ! (As she exits, Centre, PRESIDENT NATHAN enters from his private office, followed by MR. STAN- LAW and MR. WHITCOMB, a testy old gentle- man.) NATHAN. Good afternoon! Is Mr. Bart here? SONNTAG. No, President Nathan. I'm sorry, sir, but Mr. Bart has just stepped out with that newspaper man. Is there anything / can do for you, sir? NATHAN. Yes; find him immediately and tell him I want to see him, here. SONNTAG. Yes, sir. (Exits Right) WHITCOMB. Do you actually intend to let him handle that workmen's delegation this afternoon ? NATHAN. (Sitting Centre while STANLAW seats himself Right) I certainly do intend to let him handle that workmen's delegation this afternoon. STANLAW. Well, I must say it seems a little ir- regular. WHITCOMB. (Testily) Irregular ! Confound it, it's preposterous ! NATHAN. Very well, Whitcomb, will you han- dle it? WHITCOMB. I ? NATHAN. Yes. WHITCOMB. (Indignantly) What! Get into a free-for-all fight with a bunch of insolent, pig- headed delegates ? Well, I should say not ! NATHAN. But someone must do it. WHITCOMB. My advice is : post your terms and let them take them or leave them ! A TAILOR-MADE MAN 83 NATHAN. I see! And suppose they won't take them? WHITCOMB. Then to the devil with them! STANLAW. You're wrong, Whitcomb, you're wrong! That kind of thing don't go any longer, does it, Nathan? Times have changed. You can't get away with it. WHITCOMB. Why not? Don't we pay them good wages ? Mighty good wages ! (Sitting) STANLAW. But that ain't what they're after. But there's something else in the air something new. They've got (Appealing to NATHAN^ what's the word ? NATHAN. Ideas. STANLAW. Exactly ! WHITCOMB. Oh, poppycock! STANLAW. And the thing's got to be handled accordingly. WHITCOMB. Then if you know so darn much about handling a strike situation, why don't you handle it yourself? STANLAW. Oh, no, that's just it! None of us old line fellows can handle it. Our ideas are set. I tell you, the man who can handle this thing is the man with the (To NATHAN,) What do I mean ? NATHAN. The man with the 2Oth Century imagi- nation. STANLAW. That's it! Got to be able to see things. WHITCOMB. Yes, confound it, things that ain't there. NATHAN. (Rising) No things that are there. Now this boy has a plan ; he has outlined it to me. WHITCOMB. (Testily) We all know about that! NATHAN. It cuts deep, I will admit, but I firmly believe that if we give him a free hand, with his imagination and confidence, he can save us. One 84 A TAILOR-MADE MAN thing is sure ; no one else can save us now. If he can't, we're in for it. (JOHN PAUL enters Right.) JOHN PAUL. Mr. Nathan, Dr. Sonntag said you wanted to see me. NATHAN. Yes, I do, Bart. (Shaking hands with JOHN PAULJ You know Mr. Stanlaw. JOHN PAUL. (As he turns and shakes hands with STANLAW, who rises) How do you do, Mr. Stan- law? How is that wonderful daughter of yours? STANLAW. Fine! Fine as silk! NATHAN. (To JOHN PAUL) I want you to meet our senior director, Mr. Ludington Whitcomb. JOHN PAUL. (Extending his hand) Mr. Whit- comb! WHITCOMB. How do you do ? JOHN PAUL. This is a moment I have long antici- pated. WHITCOMB. (After looking him over) Young man, how old are you? JOHN PAUL. Thirty-three years, four months and two days. WHITCOMB. (With a dry chuckle) Well, you do keep track of figures, don't you? STANLAW. Yes. (To JOHN PAULJ Come up and see Corinne, young man. By Jove, my wife gave me some telephoning to do and I'll be darned if I can remember what it's all about. ( STANLAW exits Left, followed by WHITCOMB, as SONNTAG enters Right.) SONNTAG. The Committee from the Working- men's Council is waiting downstairs in the main office. NATHAN. Show them in here (SONNTAG looks surprised) To Mr. Bart's office. A TAILOR-MADE MAN 85 SONNTAG. Here ! NATHAN. If you please. SONNTAG. Yes, sir. (Exits) NATHAN. Yes, Bart, I'm going to leave them to you. You're to have a free hand. We have de- cided to give that scheme of yours a try. JOHN PAUL. (Gratified, but overwhelmed) Jeru- salem ! NATHAN. Yes, young man, but you're to save the day. We expect success. JOHN PAUL. (Faintly) Yes, sir. NATHAN. The American Oceanic Company stands for anything but failure. JOHN PAUL. Yes, sir. NATHAN. Better have a record kept of the pro- ceedings, Bart. JOHN PAUL. Yes, sir. ('NATHAN exits to his office as SONNTAG re-enters.) SONNTAG. They're on their way up. JOHN PAUL. (Still in a daze) Yes, sir. (He pulls himself together and goes to his desk) Good ! (Pushing the buzzer in desk) SONNTAG. (With mock humility) May I have the great privilege of listening to your address? JOHN PAUL. Why, certainly! ('SONNTAG exits as Miss SHAYNE enters Centre) Miss Shayne, I want a record taken of the proceedings. Will you be ready? Miss SHAYNE. I' am. JOHN PAUL. And will you bring me those little memoranda I dictated to you this morning? Miss SHAYNE. (Handing him slips) Here they are. (She sits Left of the desk, and opens her notebook, as SONNTAG ushers in the three Labor Dele- gates. RUSSELL, the head of the delegation, is fifty-five. He is dignified and gray-haired, 86 A TAILOR-MADE MAN wearing a silk hat and frock-coat. CAIN and FLYNN are much younger. They are aggres- sive, ambitious and sincere. All three men are Irish, and they are both intelligent and deter- mined.) JOHN PAUL. Come in, gentlemen, come in. (Rus- SELL comes slightly above desk, the others following) I am very glad to see you. I am Mr. Bart. RUSSELL. I am Mr. Russell. This is Mr. Cain. JOHN PAUL. Mr. Cain. (CAIN bows) RUSSELL. Mr. Flynn. JOHN PAUL. Mr. Flynn. ('FLYNN bows) RUSSELL. But we expected to see Mr. Nathan. JOHN PAUL. I realize that you are disappointed not to see President Nathan in person, but in his in- ability to be present at these proceedings, he has empowered me to act with plenipotentiary authority. THE MEN. Oh ! JOHN PAUL. Dr. Sonntag, will you offer these gentlemen some chairs? (^SONNTAG shoves a chair over to FLYNN, then sits at his desk) Won't you be seated ? (To RUSSELL as 1 they sit) You have come to present your ultimatum ? RUSSELL. Yes. JOHN PAUL. You have it with you in documen- tary form? RUSSELL. Yes. JOHN PAUL. May I see it, please? RUSSELL. (Taking a document from his pocket and handing it to JOHN PAUL) There. JOHN PAUL. (Glancing through the paper) I see ! And this embodies the same points outlined in the memorandum submitted last week? RUSSELL. Yes; and we have agreed that there are to be no changes. JOHN PAUL. And the strike is definitely called for to-morrow ? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 87 RUSSELL. Yes, sir. Unless our demands are ac- cepted in full, the strike is definitely called for to- morrow. JOHN PAUL. Calling out over 14,600 employees in the twelve shipyards of the American Oceanic Shipbuilding Corporation ? RUSSELL. Every man. JOHN PAUL. And stopping work on contracts for steel ships now under construction for various lines (Laying the ultimatum on the desk and picking up a memorandum) aggregating five hundred and twenty thousand gross tons and representing a carry- ing capacity of nine hundred and ninety-nine thou- sand tons and an investment of one hundred and eighty-six million dollars. (Quietly) You bring all this to a stop to-morrow? RUSSELL. Yes, sir ; to a stop to-morrow. JOHN PAUL. And this is your ultimatum? (Pick- ing it up again from the desk.) RUSSELL. Yes, sir. JOHN PAUL. Well, gentlemen, it can't be done. (He quietly tears the document to pieces. There is an instant of silence, then the three men jump to their feet and rush over to JOHN PAUL'S desk.) RUSSELL. What are you doing? CAIN. He's tearing it up! FLYNN. You've got an awful nerve! RUSSELL. Now, look here, young fellow, don't you try to get funny with us ! We mean what we say every damn word! JOHN PAUL. (Quietly, but with decision, as he rises and faces them) And I mean what I say every damn word! I tell you it can't be done! FLYNN. Well, we might just as well go back to Headquarters. (Starting Right, followed by the oth- ers) Come on, boys! 88 A TAILOR-MADE MAN CAIN. We didn't come here to be insulted ! RUSSELL. Well, I should say not! JOHN PAUL. Wait! (The MEN stop) Do you actually suppose you have the privilege or the right or the po\yer to keep the world waiting for those ships at this crisis of history? an hour when every worm-eaten tub that can put to sea is bursting her hatches with her cargo of food and clothing and structural steel and machinery and implements and building materials necessities of life, every one of them and the whole public of the whole world cry- ing out with its need of them? CAIN. The public be damned ! JOHN PAUL. Fine ! Thank you for those words ! The public be damned ! There's the thing in a nut- shell. I wonder if you remember who it was first uttered that significant little phrase? Was he a laboring man? No, my friends, he was a railroad president. You've reversed the roles, that's all. It's you that damn the public now. (Sitting at his desk) RUSSELL. That isn't the way he meant it. He spoke too quick. But the thing is this: we know what we want and we're going to get it ! JOHN PAUL. And we know what we want and we're going to get it. RUSSELL. Oh, you are, are you ? CAIN. That sounds pretty good! FLYNN. Oh, come on ! RUSSELL. Wait a minute, Flynn! (FLYNN stops) JOHN PAUL. Yes, gentlemen, we're both going to get what we want, because we both want the same thing. RUSSELL. What's that? JOHN PAUL. The same thing. We've never dis- covered it before, because each of us has gone on thinking only about himself and hating the other A TAILOR-MADE MAN 89 man, and this hate has kept on growing and blinding us more and more until now we can hardly see the simplest fact of all, which is that we belong to- gether; that you can't do without us and we can't do without you; that fundamentally our interests must be the same; identically the same. We both want the same thing success. (Rising) And look here, boys, if we're going to spend all our time getting in each other's way Pardon me, Miss Shayne how the hell can we expect success? (The MEN laugh) Now, tell me, are you ready to talk business with me on that basis? If you are, please sit down. (A pause. Then RUSSELL nods to the MEN and they sit) That's fine ! (Sitting again at his desk) And first I want to say right out that we've been more to blame than you have. We've been dealing all these years with industrial units, with two-legged kilowatts, not with men. And we've missed all the best you have to give us through ignoring the fact that you're human ; that you have ambitions and ideals of your own ; that you care, and that if only we could get you to care for us, believe in us, be loyal to us (Rising and coming in front of his desk) You may not believe it, my dear Mr. Russell, but I know what it is to feel that your boss is down on you. I had a friend once, a wide-awake, manly, am- bitious chap I knew him well who worked in a tailor shop. SONNTAG. (Sarcastically) Well, well! JOHN PAUL. (As the MEN turn and look at SONNTAGJ My secretary knew him, too, and he could tell you how they all hated him there. It was the same thing all day long; picked on for this, docked for that ; never a word of praise or encouragement. And the result ? A day came when that boy couldn't stand it any longer. He walked out, and that little shop lost a man who might have built it up into a rival of Brooks' Brothers. There was stuff in that 90 A TAILOR-MADE MAN boy ! There's stuff in every man if you can only bring it out. You want his loyalty ? Then be loyal to him. We want to be loyal to you. Let's get together, men. It can be done. Look at what Charlie Schwab, the biggest industrial leader of the world, has achieved at Bethlehem. Why, Mr. Flynn, why is Bethlehem steel the most productive and prosperous concern in the world? Because of its get-together. From President down to coal-heaver every man in Bethlehem roots for Bethlehem. Can't we do the same thing with our propositions? Isn't it worth a try? CAIN. That's very fine talk, young man, but just what are you driving at? JOHN PAUL. At this, Mr. Cain: we are part- ners! For everything you give us we give you in proportion. We're ready, Mr. Cain, to institute a schedule of bonuses covering the entire industrial lay-out of American Oceanic. Not a man will be neglected, not even the man with the wheelbarrow. For every load he trundles over and above the com- puted hourly average, he gets a specific bonus, and this same idea applies up through the whole organi- zation stoker, presser, engineer, riveter RUSSELL. (Interrupting, with skeptical curios- ity) Pardon me, Mr. Bart, but how can you apply that to a skilled mechanic? That was my job when I worked in the shops. JOHN PAUL. Mechanic? Good! You're given a piece of work which averages say, twenty hours, at a regular wage of forty cents per hour. Well, if you finish that job in the average time you get a bonus of twenty per cent. And again : if you finish that job in half the time you could, couldn't you, Mr. Russell, many a time? RUSSELL. Certainly ; if I had an inducement. JOHN PAUL. Well, now, here's the inducement. You still get the same bonus and there you are with A TAILOR-MADE MAN 91 ten hours to the good, ready to tackle a second job on the same schedule. How does that strike you ? RUSSELL. (Thoughtfully) Interesting. FLYNN. Let me understand this, Mr. Bart. You mean ? JOHN PAUL. I mean, Mr. Flynn, that every un- usual effort you make is capitalized into profit for you. You give more you get more! Do you know that, my friends? You get more than you ask for! Fully a quarter more than you demanded in those clumsy, short-sighted, unscientific stipulations. RUSSELL. In other words JOHN PAUL. In other words, my dear Russell, we're partners! What a wonderful word partners! Doesn't it get you, Mr. Cain ? Doesn't it make you feel things in a new way ? It does me. What do you say ? Shall we get together and give it a try ? FLYNN. Say, do you know this damn thing sounds kind o' good to me? JOHN PAUL. My dear Mr. Flynn, it is good ! And now tell me this ! What's the biggest thing about the whole proposition? The fact that it comes now now, just as America is jumping into the big place that's waiting for her in the world. With our help she'll command the seas again with her fleet of merchant ships. It's going to happen. Do you realize, Mr. Russell, that we're building at the present moment in this country two million tons of new ships to go out and conquer the trade of the nations? Do you realize, Mr. Cain, that in 1916 we turned out twice the tonnage of 1915, the largest total recorded in our country's history? That al- ready we possess the second largest merchant marine in the world? Do you know, Mr. Flynn RUSSELL. Just a moment, young man! Have you got this all written down somewhere so I can read it off to the men to-night? JOHN PAUL. You bet I have, and a whole lot more. 92 A TAILOR-MADE MAN Miss Shayne. (She hands him a paper) There you are! (Handing the paper to RUSSELL) The whole schedule of bonuses is outlined here. Take the mat- ter up with your Council to-night, will you? RUSSELL. Yes, sir, I will. FLYNN. Yes, we'll be very glad to! JOHN PAUL. And now how about the strike? (RUSSELL looks at CAIN.J CAIN. Well, we'll have to talk that over in Com- mittee. RUSSELL. (Rising) It may be hard to stop it now, but we'll see what we can do. We'll do our best. At least, we can get a delay. FLYNN. Look here, Mr. Bart, I think it would be a good idea for you to come over and speak to the Council yourself. Would you do that if we give you an invite ? JOHN PAUL. (To FLYNN ) You bet I will! CAIN. (Rising) We'll send you word to-mor- row. JOHN PAUL. What time? RUSSELL. (To the MEN,) Ten o'clock? FLYNN and CAIN. Yes, that's all right. RUSSELL. Well, we've got to get busy. (The MEN prepare to go.) JOHN PAUL. One last thing. Will you give me your word there'll be no strike until the men have had time to look into this proposition ? RUSSELL. I give you my word. JOHN PAUL. Will you shake hands on it? RUSSELL. By all means. (They shake hands) FLYNN. I should say so ! (Following suit) CAIN. I'm for that! (Also shaking hands with JOHN PAULJ A TAILOR-MADE MAN 93 RUSSELL. Well, boys if we're going to get action on this, we must be moving along. JOHN PAUL. (As he follows the MEN to the door) My dear Mr. Russell, I am very glad to have heard your ideas on the subject. (As the MEN exit) Remember, boys, we're partners ! The more you earn, the more you get! (As he shuts the door after them he leans against it and heaves a sigh of relief.) Miss SHAYNE. (Jumping to her feet as the MEN exit) Splendid ! JOHN PAUL. Well, now I must go and tell Mr. Nathan how they SONNTAG. (Springing to his feet and speaking with mock humility) One moment ! Perhaps you will first consent to have a few little words with so humble a personage as myself. JOHN PAUL. Why, of course, Doctor. Miss Shayne, I shall want a typewritten record of the pro- ceedings. Miss SHAYNE. (As she goes) I know it. JOHN PAUL. Oh, and will you telephone down to the main office and see if my valet is there? Miss SHAYNE. I will. (Exits Centre) JOHN PAUL. (Leaning on the edge of his desk) Now, Doctor! SONNTAG. I would like to know what you mean by getting chummy 'with those laboring men and patting them on the back. Is that according to the principles you learned out of my book? My book taught you to be the champion of Property. JOHN PAUL. (Quietly) I am a champion of Property. Those men realized it. What are high wages but property? What is prosperity but prop- erty? What is self -betterment but property? SONNTAG. Not my idea of property. 94 A TAILOR-MADE MAN JOHN PAUL. Sorry, but I can't help that. SONNTAG. You think now you can go along your own way and leave me out of account. JOHN PAUL. Am I leaving you out of account when I publish your book for you at my own ex- pense? No, I am determined to win for you the thing you have wanted so many years public recog- nition. (POMEROY enters Right.) POMEROY. Miss Shayne 'phoned you wanted me, sir. JOHN PAUL. Yes, Pomeroy. I wish you'd touch things up a bit, I'm expecting some callers. POMEROY. Very good, 'sir. (Busying himself about the room) (GRAYSON enters from NATHAN'S private office.) GRAYSON. Mr. Bart! JOHN PAUL. What is it, Grayson? GRAYSON. Mr. Nathan would like to see you in his private office. JOHN PAUL. Very well. (He exits, following GRAYSON. Telephone on desk rings.) SONNTAG. Answer the 'phone, Pomeroy. POMEROY. (At 'phone) Hello! . . . Hello! . . . No. . . . No, Mr. Bart has just stepped out for a few moments this is Pomeroy oh, Miss Huber! . . . No, ma'am, he'll be SONNTAG. (Rising quickly, crossing and snatch- ing the 'phone from him) Hello, Tanya ! . . . Tan- ya! ... Tanya, is that you? (Yanking the holder up and down) Hello, Tanya! . . . Hello! . . . A TAILOR-MADE MAN 95 Hello ! (To POMEROY, as he places 'phone back on desk) Why did Tanya Huber call up Bart ? POMEROY. You never gave me a chance to find out. SONNTAG. I say, what did she want? Tell me, you damned cockney! POMEROY. Didn't I tell you I didn't know any- thing 1 about it? How should I? SONNTAG. I'll find out! POMEROY. What are you going to do, Doctor? SONNTAG. I'm going to find out! POMEROY. Listen here, Doctor! f SONNTAG stops) This is no affair of mine, but if it would in any way relieve your mind to know it, John Paul Bart is aiming a good bit higher than a tailor's daughter. SONNTAG. Yes, for his wife he is aiming at mil- lions, but for his pleasure what is to prevent him from aiming at a tailor's daughter? (Knock on Right door) Come in ! (MRS. STANLAW and CORINNE enter. SONNTAG, with a growl, exits by the same door, slamming it violently.) MRS. STANLAW. (To POMEROY, after watching SONNTAG exit) What's the matter with that man? POMEROY. He's just a bit excited, ma'am. Mr. Bart will be here directly. President Nathan wished to see him in his private office. MRS. STANLAW. I see. But weren't you for- merly Mr. Jellicot's man ? POMEROY. Yes, ma'am, but we had a little tiff over a dress suit, which though it was returned the next morning in perfect condition, and with two fifty-dollar bills in the fob pocket, it seemed better to separate, and Mr. Bart sent for me. I will have Mr. Bart notified of your coming. 96 A TAILOR-MADE MAN MRS. STANLAW. Very well. (After POMEROY exits) You know, dear, this is not a very dignified thing you're doing. CORINNE. What do you mean? MRS. STANLAW. I mean coming here to Mr. Bart's office without a definite appointment. CORINNE. When I 'phoned him they told me he'd see me at five-thirty. MRS. STANLAW. But you shouldn't have 'phoned. You should let him do that. CORINNE. He'd never think of it. He's a busi- ness man. MRS. STANLAW. (Sitting) And this is his place of business where only matters of business should be transacted. CORINNE. (Leaning on JOHN PAUL'S desk) True ! That's why I'm here ; to transact the most important business of my life. MRS. STANLAW. What are you going to do? CORINNE. Invite him to spend the week-end with us at Lenox. MRS. STANLAW. Corinne, I do believe you're actually forcing yourself on the man. CORINNE. Mother! MRS. STANLAW. Well, it looks very much like it. When I was your age I never thought of doing such things. CORINNE. But, dear, you never were my age always a generation younger. MRS. STANLAW. Well, in this age or any other the ordinary man never admired a forward girl. CORINNE. But Mr. Bart is not an ordinary man. He's a genius. It takes a genius to understand. MRS. STANLAW. To understand what? CORINNE. To understand me. MRS. STANLAW. Corinne, what are you thinking of? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 97 CORINNE. (Soulfully) Of John Paul Bart ! Of the genius who knows a genius! Of the things Napoleon left undone! Of his manners, his breed- ing, his future! Oh, Mother, can't you see? MRS. STANLAW. (Rising) Yes, I can see that you're making a fool of yourself, if that's what you mean, and I'm not going to allow it. We'll not stop here another moment. Come along. CORINNE. (Sitting) No, not until I have seen him. The thing I have prayed for has come at last. MRS. STANLAW. And what have you been pray- ing for now? CORINNE. Courage. Courage to ask him. MRS. STANLAW. To ask him what? CORINNE. If he'll come to Lenox for the week- end. MRS. STANLAW. You'll do nothing of the kind. I'm the one to extend the invitation, not you. CORINNE. (Overjoyed) Mother, will you do that? Will you do that for me? (JOHN PAUL enters and goes to MRS. STANLAW with outstretched hand.) JOHN PAUL. So sorry to have kept you wait- ing, Mrs. Stanlaw. Won't you sit down? MRS. STANLAW. No, thank you. We just dropped in for a moment. We were quite lost in admiration of your beautiful office. CORINNE. Yes, indeed! JOHN PAUL. Oh, Miss Stanlaw ! So glad to see you again! CORINNE. Are you, really? JOHN PAUL. Why, of course! CORINNE. Thanks! Thanks! MRS. STANLAW. Our purpose in running in, Mr. Bart, was to ask if you would care to spend the 98 A TAILOR-MADE MAN week-end with us at Lenox. We're going to open our house. JOHN PAUL. Lenox? CORINNE. Yes. Have you never been there? JOHN PAUL. Never. CORINNE. Then you must come ! It's glori- ous ! It's Paradise ! Those hills ! Those wonder- ful hills ! I've tramped them for miles and miles all alone! MRS. STANLAW. (Rather embarrassed) Corinne is a very strange girl. She likes to be alone. JOHN PAUL. So do I. I love to be alone. (Laughing nervously) CORINNE. Not all alone? JOHN PAUL. (Embarrassed) Well, no, I always like to know that the hills are there with me, of course. CORINNE. Oh, it will be such fun! You'll just love Lenox ! Won't he, Mother ? MRS. STANLAW. I hope so, dear. But Mr. Bart hasn't accepted our invitation as yet. (To JOHN PAUL,) May we expect you ? CORINNE. (Soulfully) Yes, may we? JOHN PAUL. I expect so that is, I should say, yes yes, of course ! I'm crazy to see those hills you speak of! Alone in the hills! (Laughing as he turns to CORINNE,) Sounds like the name of a story book, doesn't it ? CORINNE. Yes, it all seems like a story book to me. MRS. STANLAW. (Irritated at CORINNE'S man- ner) Come, Corinne, we must go along. I'll call you up to-morrow, Mr. Bart JOHN PAUL. Very well, Mrs. Stanlaw. MRS. STANLAW. Come, Corinne. CORINNE. Right with you, Mother. (To JOHN PAUL,) You won't forget ? Week-endLenox the hills? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 99 JOHN PAUL. I understand. CORINNE. (Extending her hand) You do, in- deed! MRS. STANLAW. (Impatiently at door) Come, Corinne. CORINNE. Yes, Mother. (Going to the door, then turning toward JOHN PAUL) Good-bye! JOHN PAUL. Good-bye! (As CORINNE exits, MRS. STANLAW comes to JOHN PAUL. She is nervous, but determined to ex- plain CORINNE to him.) MRS. STANLAW. I want to warn you, Mr. Bart. Corinne has a great sense of humor. JOHN PAUL. Has she? MRS. STANLAW. Yes. She's not always serious, so don't take her that way. JOHN PAUL. I promise not to take her that way, Mrs. Stanlaw. MRS. STANLAW. Very well. I see you under- stand. Good-bye. JOHN PAUL. Good-bye. (MRS. STANLAW exits. JOHN PAUL stands for a moment thinking, then goes up Left, switches off the lights, crosses to his desk and lights a cigarette. He is absorbed in his thoughts as POMEROY enters, Centre.) POMEROY. I've ordered some supper for you, sir. JOHN PAUL. Thanks, Pomeroy, I'll be in directly. POMEROY. A little bit in the doldrums to-night, sir? JOHN PAUL. I always supposed that if a moment like this should ever come in my life I'd be the hap- piest man in the world. POMEROY. (Tidying the desk) And you may ioo A TAILOR-MADE MAN say you've reason for it, sir, hob-nobbing with a man like Nathan ; welcomed everywhere by the blue- bloods ; visited in your office by a famous heiress and her mother. My word, it's quite like a fairy story, sir. JOHN PAUL. Queer proposition, life! (Drop- ping into the big chair Centre.) POMEROY. Queer's the word, sir. JOHN PAUL. You set your heart on something; you resolve to possess it, to make it yours at any cost nothing shall stand in your way. You struggle and sweat and strain every fiber of your body, and fi- nally, when you have it there in your hand, the thing you've set your heart on, sold your soul for, what is it after all? You thought that was happi- ness. It's not. Smoke, that's all, and ashes. There's something missing. Some one thing I want. POMEROY. How if I was to mix you up a nice little cocktail, sir ? JOHN PAUL. (Laughing) No, that's not what I'm missing. (A knock is heard on door Right) See who that is, will you? POMEROY. Yes, sir. (He opens the door and TANYA enters and comes hurriedly toward him.) JOHN PAUL. (Going quickly to her) Tanya! Not you! TANYA. (Nervously) Are you alone? (POMEROY exits Right.) JOHN PAUL. Yes. Why, it seems years since I saw you last years ! Sit down. TANYA. Oh, no, I can't! Mr. Bart, I wouldn't have come only I know I mean I didn't know who might open your letters for you, and and then A TAILOR-MADE MAN 101 when I tried to telephone you half an hour ago JOHN PAUL. Tell me, what is it? TANYA. So you see the only thing- left to do was to come myself. Oh, Mr. Bart, you mustn't think ill of me ! JOHN PAUL. Why, Tanya, what an idea ! Think ill of you ! How could I ? TANYA. Mr. Bart, I came to you because I thought I ought to tell you something. JOHN PAUL. Why, what is it, Tanya? Some- thing I can do for you? You know I'd do anything in the world for you. TANYA. Oh, no, it isn't for me it's for you. JOHN PAUL. (Amazed) Forme! TANYA. Of course, Mr. Bart, you mustn't think that I wish to be disloyal to Dr. Sonntag, since it's all settled that I'm to be you know but I just couldn't bear to think Oh, John Paul, he hates you so terribly! I know some dreadful thing is going to happen unless you'll he says things that frighten me so threats! Oh, I couldn't bear to have him spoil it all for you now ! I couldn't bear it ! (She drops in a chair and covers her face with her hands) JOHN PAUL. (Pause) You don't mean, Tanya, that it really matters to you? TANYA. Why, but of course it does! Surely I can be proud of your success, can't I ? Why, almost every day I manage to hear some little scrap of news about the wonderful things you're doing, and it's so nice to think that great man who's bringing the world to his feet, used to be there^one of us, in that little shop we were friends. It's given me a feeling of having a share in it myself of doing something don't you see? Oh, they mustn't spoil it now ! They sha'n't spoil it ! It has been so beau- tiful! (She breaks down and sobs) 102 A TAILOR-MADE MAN JOHN PAUL. Tanya, is it true? You care? TANYA. Why, how could I help it? JOHN PAUL. I never dreamed anyone cared. It makes everything look so different. Why, it's a different world. TANYA. (Rising) I must go now. I only wanted to tell you Oh, John Paul, please be careful and don't do anything that might offend him, because I don't know what he might do, really ! I Good-bye. (Extending her hand.) JOHN PAUL. (Taking both her hands) Not yet, please ! TANYA. No, I must go. I'm afraid I oughtn't to have come at all. JOHN PAUL. But can't we be friends? Aren't we going to see each other again ? TANYA. What would be the use ? You belong to your world and I belong to my world. You're go- ing higher and higher, doing bigger things all the time, and I I'm going to watch you from a long way off and always be proud of you ! (Loud voices and scuffling are heard off-stage, Centre.) SONNTAG. (Offstage) Let me in, you dog, or I'll kill you! (He bursts into the room, followed by POMEROY. who has tried to stop him) Ah, I thought so ! This is what happens the moment I am away ! You watch till I am gone and then you come hurrying here for his kisses. JOHN PAUL. Dr. Sonntag, I give you my word of honor SONNTAG. Your word of honor! Your word of honor! There was something between you even in the tailor shop, but I was not lucky enough to catch you. This time it is different ! JOHN PAUL. Will you let me explain? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 103 SONNTAG. No, I will not let you explain. Do you think I can't see for myself? TANYA. (Quickly to SONNTAG,) Oh, but Gus- tavus, it was my fault ! Do anything you like to me, but don't don't ! ^ SONNTAG. Yes, plead for him, you ! Plead for him! JOHN PAUL. Dr. Sonntag, Miss Tanya has done nothing that deserves any blame, nothing, but if you must blame someone, I am here, and for God's sake, let us settle this between ourselves. SONNTAG. Very well. (To TANYA) You go home! TANYA. No! (Going nearer to JOHN PAUL,) JOHN PAUL. Dr. Sonntag is right; you had best go home. TANYA. No, please let me stay! JOHN PAUL. Don't be afraid ; it's all right. Don't you see you can't do the least bit of good by staying? TANYA. Please don't send me away! JOHN PAUL. Don't be afraid, it's all right it's all right. Pomeroy, will you please see Miss Huber home? POMEROY. Yes, sir. (He opens the door. TANYA goes to the door, turns and throws a frightened glance at SONNTAG, then one of appeal to JOHN PAUL.,) JOHN PAUL. (Reassuringly) It's all right. (TANYA exits, followed by POMEROY.,) And now, sir, I am ready to hear what you have to say (As SONNTAG starts to speak) but I warn you right here the first word you speak against Miss Tanya will be the last word you speak in this room. Her name must be kept out of this. She is entirely with- out blame and if you can't believe it, so much the worse for you. 104 A TAILOR-MADE MAN SONNTAG. And you think it matters to me now who is to blame ! Too late for that ! One thing is plain enough and you need not try to deny it : You love her ! JOHN PAUL. Who doesn't love her? SONNTAG. (Fiercely) You can stand there and tell me such a thing to my face! You love the woman that belongs to me! JOHN PAUL. (Spiritedly) She does not belong to you ! She never did belong to you ! You never had her love ! You never asked for it ! You never even thought of asking for it ! All you cared about was SONNTAG. (Furious) Ah! You think you can tamper with another man's property and not pay a price for it ! I tell you this is the end ! You were the man I made and now you are the man I will un-make! The world shall have your story! It shall know that only nine months ago you were a scurvy tailor's hand, and that it was by stealing the dress suit of one man and the brains of another that you sneaked your way into the society of your betters! You are done for! To-morrow every newspaper in New York shall have your story ! (He exits Right, slamming the door) (Jo HN PAUL stands leaning on the big chair, staring into space as Miss SHAYNE enters with her notebook and comes down to Right of desk) Miss SHAYNE. I'm ready! JOHN PAUL. Ready! Were you listening? Miss SHAYNE. Certainly! JOHN PAUL. I'm going to beat him to it! Miss SHAYNE. I knew it! (Sitting and open- ing her notebook) JOHN PAUL. Dictation! To the Associated Press for immediate release: John Paul Bart submits A TAILOR-MADE MAN 105 the following statement in resume of his recent per- sonal history. On Tuesday, the 23rd of last March, being at that time employed as a presser in the tail- oring shop of Mr. Anton Huber, he deliberately ap- propriated a dress suit belonging to Mr. Theodore Jellicot, the well-known yachtsman, and appeared at a reception, where he introduced himself to Abraham Nathan, president of the American Oceanic Ship- building Corporation CURTAIN ACT IV SCENE: The same as Act I. It is the morning fol- lowing the events of Act III ; and when the curtain rises, MRS. STANLAW and CORINNE are seated in the Tailor Shop, Centre, talking with MR. HUBER, who stands Left of them. PETER is seated on the work-table, tailor fashion, sew- ing. CORINNE. (As the curtain rises) Of course, you realize that the whole town is laughing". MRS. STANLAW. So, you see, Mr. Huber, when we read the extraordinary story in the paper this morning, we came directly here to make sure it was true. HUBER. Yes, Madam, it's the truth, but I don't know anything at all about the man. MRS. STANLAW. Then it is actually true that he was employed here? HUBER. Yes, Madam, I am sorry to say. (Pointing to the work-table) That was the table where he worked when he did work. fCoRiNNE goes to the table.) PETER. The rest of the time he was talkin'. CORINNE. (Laughing, as she holds up a pair of trousers) At this table! So this is the thing Na- poleon left undone ! HUBER. Yes, and now think what a terrible scan- dal he has caused ! (To MRS. STANLAWJ You say you have seen the newspapers ? 106 A TAILOR-MADE MAN 107 MRS. STANLAW. (Coolly) Yes, glanced at them. HUBER. Columns and columns ! The whole town is talking! The telephone has been ringing since before I was out of my bed, and always the same question : "Do you know anything about John Paul Bart?" "And how should I know?" I ask them. "You can't expect me to keep track of all the bad help I got to discharge." PETER. I should say not ! HUBER. (Showing MRS. STANLAW a long strip of paper covered with names and figures) Look here, lady! Here's a list of the people I'm to notify if I hear anything. MRS. STANLAW. (Coolly) I see! CORINNE. Little danger of hearing anything about John Paul Bart! He's probably on his way to South America by this time. MRS. STANLAW. Excellent place for him! He may start a revolution. PETER. I always said he'd have a nice little uni- form with stripes goin' around this way. (MRS. STANLAW and CORINNE laugh again as they start toward the door) HUBER. (In German) Shut up! (To MRS. STANLAW,) Permit me, Madam, to express my sympathy to you. MRS. STANLAW. (Coldly surprised) Sympathy? What do you mean? CORINNE. Mother, what is he talking abotrt? MRS. STANLAW. We barely knew the man. HUBER. (Abashed) I see. CORINNE. The man was impossible! MRS. STANLAW. We tolerated him, that's all. HUBER. (Humbly) I see. io8 A TAILOR-MADE MAN MRS. STANLAW. (With cutting coolness) Is that definitely understood ? HUBER. Quite. MRS. STANLAW. (Turning toward door) Come, Corinne. HUBER. (Following them up to door) Call again, ladies. MRS. STANLAW. What? HUBER. I will be glad to show you anything we got. (MRS. STANLAW and CORINNE exit laughing. HUBER closes the door and turns to HUBER. (Puzzled by their amusement) What is there funny about that? PETER. Johnny Paul needs a muzzle, he does, a muzzle! HUBER. So he does, Peter. PETER. If I hadn't kept a sharp look-out I would have been corrupted myself, I would, workin' next him all day. (SONNTAG enters.) HUBER. I wouldn't wonder. SONNTAG. Good morning, Mr. Huber. HUBER. Good morning, Dr. Sonntag. SONNTAG. (Nodding to PETER) Peter! PETER. (Showing SONNTAG a newspaper he has been reading) Dr. Sonntag, have you seen this? SONNTAG. (Glancing at the paper) Yes, I've seen it. ^PETER returns to his work) Look here, Mr. Huber, where is Tanya? HUBER. Why, upstairs, Doctor. SONNTAG. Upstairs? Did she tell you what she was doing last evening? HUBER. Why, no, Doctor, not as I remember. SONNTAG. I see! A TAILOR-MADE MAN 109 HUBER. Oh, but I am sure it was nothing. SONNTAG. Oh ! HUBER. Why, yes, now it seems to me she was home all evening, quiet with her sewing in her room. SONNTAG. In her room! Well, she was not in her room when she was paying a secret visit to John Paul Bart ! HUBER. What are you saying? SONNTAG. I found them together! / I found them! HUBER. That is not true! SONNTAG. Very well, ask her! HUBER. (Pause, as the two men stand eyeing each other) I will ! Tanya ! Tanya ! TANYA. (Offstage) You want me, Father? HUBER. Come down, please! TANYA. (Offstage) Yes, Father dear. HUBER. (As he moves over toward SONNTAG,) Tanya would never deceive me like this ! Impos- sible! She was always obedient to her father. ('HUBER turns and sees PETER,) Go to your work ! fPETER exits as TANYA enters. She goes directly to her father.) TANYA. You wanted me, Father? HUBER. Tanya, Dr. Sonntag has told me a thing which I do not believe. SONNTAG. And, therefore, I wish him to hear it from your own lips. Kindly tell your honorable father where it was I found you last evening. TANYA. (Quietly) You found me with Mr. Bart. HUBER. (Staggered) Tanya ! SONNTAG. And who was there besides you two alone ? I io A TAILOR-MADE MAN TANYA. (Quietly) Nobody. SONNTAG. (With malignant triumph) There you have it from her own lips. She was alone with him. HUBER. Tanya, this is not the truth ! SONNTAG. Yes, it is the truth. For a long time I have noticed a change in her. I knew there was something wrong, but she was clever and I never got any proofs till last night. But no matter ! Bet- ter last night than some night after I had married her. HUBER. (Indignantly) Dr. Sonntag, how dare you talk that way in the presence of my daughter? SONNTAG. Your daughter! HUBER. (Thoroughly roused) Get out ! SONNTAG. Very well, I'm done with her! The next time the joke will not be on me ! (Exits) HUBER. (Angrily) Get out! And don't come back! (Coming close to TANYA ) Tanya, there is no need to tell me. I know you have done nothing to be ashamed of and if Dr. Sonntag can't believe you are a good girl I am glad you are done with him, glad! It was time! But, Tanya, why would you disobey your father ? TANYA. Can't you see, Father dear? Some things are so much more important than obedience. HUBER. That is not true, my child. A thousand generations behind you rise up and tell you that is not true. TANYA. What is behind me does not matter any longer. This is America. I look forward for- ward. HUBER. (After a pause) Tanya, did you love Dr. Sonntag? (TANYA shakes her head) Is there someone else ? (TANYA drops her head) Who is it, my child ? TANYA. It doesn't matter. He doesn't A TAILOR-MADE MAN in (She quickly exits and HUBER stands looking sadly after her. JOHN PAUL enters in the same man- ner as in Act I, but HUBER does not see him until he speaks.) JOHN PAUL. Good morning, Mr. Huber. I trust my slight tardiness has not caused you any incon- venience. I was unavoidably detained. HUBER. (Staring, dumfounded) Detained ! For nine months ! You walk in here and talk as if you were late for work ! Are you dreaming ? JOHN PAUL. Perhaps I'm not sure. It seems like a dream. enters from the work-room. His jaw drops u'ith astonishment as he sees JOHN PAUL. After greeting him with a casual nod and the word "PETER," JOHN PAUL takes off his coat, rolls up his sleeves, and goes to his old place at the work-table, whistling, "I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls." He starts working, PETER and HUBER still staring.) HUBER. (Handing PETER the telephone slip) Telephone. (PETER exits Left. HUBER turns to JOHN PAULJ And now, John Paul Bart, will you have the kindness to tell me what is the meaning of this? JOHN PAUL. Destiny Mr. Huber. (Testing the iron) HUBER. What? JOHN PAUL. Yes, it picks you up by the coat- tails, whisks you off among the clouds, and then by and by back you come again ! Voila ! HUBER. That damn French word again] JOHN PAUL. Well, now you see what it means. HUBER. So you imagine you can work here again just as if you was an honest man ! You ex- 112 A TAILOR-MADE MAN pect me to look over that you are a thief and an im- poster and a rascal and a scapegoat ! JOHN PAUL. I don't expect anything, Mr. Huber, not just now. I'm holding- my mind in a state of crystalire suspense waiting. HUBER. Then it may interest you to know that Mrs. Stanlaw and her daughter were here just a few minutes ago. JOHN PAUL. (Sincerely) I'm sorry I missed them. HUBER. Sorry ! (Laughs scornfully) Well, it's lucky that you did ! JOHN PAUL. (Gathering the story from HUBERTS manner) Oh, I see ! I thought so ! Still, I would have liked a chance to offer my apologies. HUBER. Apologies ! From a tailor ! (Laughing scornfully) You're funny ! JOHN PAUL. (Thoughtfully) Yes, it would have been funny I dare say still (He quits his work and goes toward HUBER) Now. Mr. Huber, if you're willing, I should like a few words with Miss Tanya. HUBER. Yes, it's likely I would let you speak to my daughter ! You, the man who has caused the ruin of my hopes ! JOHN PAUL. Just as you wish ; I can wait. (And he turns to his work) ('PETER re-enters.) PETER. Well, I telephoned them. HUBER. Peter, I have business upstairs. Stay here and keep your eye on that man. I don't pro- pose he shall get away with another armful of clothes ! (Exits.) PETER. (Who sits, folds his arms and faces BARTJ So this is what it comes to! JOHN PAUL. Instructive, isn't it? f ROWLANDS enters.) A TAILOR-MADE MAN 113 ROWLANDS. (Laughing) Well, well, well, back at the old job ! That's the one solution I never once figured out. Look here, young man, are you aware there's a mob of reporters playing Pinkerton on your trail ? JOHN PAUL. I thought I might escape them here. ROWLANDS. Well, I'm glad I found you ahead of them, for it's my belief that something might be saved out of the wreckage. JOHN PAUL. You think so? ROWLANDS. Yes, sir, I think there's good stuff in you somewhere. PETER. May be, but mixed up with an awful lot of rotten. ROWLANDS. (Turning to PETER,) What do you do here? PETER. I work here. ROWLANDS. Work! (Laughing) Well, keep right at it. (Turning to JOHN PAUL,) Yes, sir, I believe that I could put your story before the public in such a way that they might change their attitude even give you another chance, and I would - JOHN PAUL. (Interrupting) I see! You wish to do an illustrated article on my origin, early in- fluences, education, home life - ROWLANDS. (Interrupting) That's it, exactly ! Write you up. Show what it was that sent you off on the wrong track. Put the blame, not so much on you as on your unfortunate environment points to PETER and ROWLANDS laughs) And just to show you how fair I want to be, I'm going to pro- pose that if you'll give me the story of your life - ('BOBBIE WESTLAKE enters.) WESTLAKE. Is Bart here ? PETER. Yes ; there he is. WESTLAKE. (Calling to MRS. DUPUY and BES- U4 A TAILOR-MADE MAN SIE, who are outside) It's all right, Mrs. Dupuy, you can come in. (MRS. DUPUY and BESSIE enter.) MRS. DUPUY. Very well, just for a moment. But, Bessie love, stay close to Mother. Thank you, Bobbie. You don't mind waiting-? WESTLAKE. Oh, dear no, not at all! (Exits) ROWLANDS. Well, Mrs. Dupuy, you see I got here ahead of you. (BESSIE goes to the work-table.) MRS. DUPUY. Oh, Mr. Rowlands, I'm so re- lieved. (As he starts to go) Don't go ! One never knows about these places. BESSIE. (Watching JOHN PAUL at work) Oh, Mother, look what Mr. Bart is doing ! He's ironing some pants ! MRS. DUPUY. (Taking BESSIE'S arm and lead- ing her away) Trousers, dear, trousers ! And don't look any more. It isn't quite nice for a young girl. BESSIE. But it's so funny! MRS. DUPUY. No, it isn't. Mr. Rowlands, will you amuse my little Bessie while I have a few words with this person ? (PETER turns his chair to watch the group.) ROWLANDS. Why, with pleasure ! MRS. DUPUY. (Turning toward JOHN PAUL and bumping into PETER ) What are you doing? PETER. My duty, Madam. MRS. DUPUY. Well, do your duty somewhere else. Oh, scat ! (PETER slides the chair to the desk. MRS. DUPUY turns to JOHN PAULJ Now, young man, I have something to say to you. A TAILOR-MADE MAN 115 JOHN PAUL. (Amiably) I wonder if I can't save you the trouble of saying it. You wish to let me know you have found it advisable to give up the little series of Lenten Afternoons. MRS. DUPUY. (Furious at his intimate manner) Bessie, child, come here ! BESSIE. (Obeying) What is it, Mother? MRS. DUPUY. I want you to look at this person very carefully. I want you to notice that peculiar, shifty expression about the eyes, and I want you to remember that is always a bad sign in a man. Your father had it. fHuBER enters by stairs.) HUBER. I beg your pardon, ladies! Mr. Row- lands! Peter, why did you not inform me? PETER. They come to see him. HUBER. Go to your work. ( PETER exits) Is there anything I can do for you, Madam? MRS. DUPUY. No, unless you can explain to me why you employ such a man here. HUBER. Ah, Madam, he is only here for an emergency. No, indeed, I am most particular about the moral character of my assistants. MRS. DUPUY. That's as it should be. ('GRAYSON enters.) GRAYSON. Are you the proprietor of this estab- lishment? HUBER. Yes, sir. GRAYSON. Well, I came to find out about John Paul Bart. HUBER. (Pointing to BART,) There he is. JOHN PAUL. Good morning, Grayson. GRAYSON. (Looking at JOHN PAUL and laugh- ing) Mr. Nathan is outside in the car. He wished n6 A TAILOR-MADE MAN me to inquire (Laughing) Good Lord ! (Ex- its) MRS. DUPUY. Abraham Nathan coming here ! HUBER. Abraham Nathan! ROWLANDS. President of the American Oceanic Shipbuilding Company ! BESSIE. Mother ! ROWLANDS. Well, young fellow, you have stirred up some excitement. ('NATHAN enters, followed by GRAYSON.) NATHAN. Good morning! MRS. DUPUY. Abram Nathan! (GRAYSON exits.) HUBER. (Obsequiously, as he goes to NATHAN,) Is there anything I can do for you to-day, sir? J^ATHAN. Thank you, no. There's the man I came to see. (Turning toward JOHN PAUL.) JOHN PAUL. Good morning. MRS. DUPUY. (To NATHAN) Oh, Abram, I'm so sorry ! I can imagine how terrible all this must have been for you. (JOHN PAUL sits cross-legged on the table.) HUBER. And I wish you to know, Mr. President, that long ago I would have exposed this imposter to the world had it not been for my daughter's sake. NATHAN. I see. Then I think I understand the attitude of all those present with the exception of the person chiefly involved. (Turning to JOHN PAUL) Young man, I wish you would tell me what you mean by this eccentric behavior. A TAILOR-MADE MAN 117 JOHN PAUL. It isn't eccentric, it's scientific. I'm making an experiment. NATHAN. Experiment? JOHN PAUL. With Destiny. NATHAN. I don't understand. JOHN PAUL. If the world can do without me, this is where I belong. If the world can't do without me, it must take me from here, out of the tailor shop goose and all. NATHAN. I see. And the result of your experi- ment? JOHN PAUL. The main result hasn't resulted yet. NATHAN. You refer to ? JOHN PAUL. Yourself. HUBER. Permit me to say, Mr. President, that he is in the shop against my will. NATHAN. Are you going to keep him? HUBER. Keep him! After what has happened! Not very likely ! NATHAN. Then if he is willing to return to me I will be delighted to restore him to the position he was holding yesterday, and in addition will appoint him to the head of our new profit-sharing depart- ment at a salary of $75,000 a year. JOHN PAUL. (Under his breath) Jerusalem! (There is general consternation.) MRS. DUPUY. Abram Nathan ! Are you serious? NATHAN. (Earnestly) My dear Kitty, not one of you seems to have realized that in this country a man is valued by what he gets to, not what he started from. Look at our biggest Americans ; the men we are proudest of. How did they start? One began as a messenger boy. Another was a waiter in a restaurant. Another sold papers on the street. And another, the biggest of them all you probably have never heard of him, Mr. Huber, 1 18 A TAILOR-MADE MAN though doubtless you have, Mr. Newspaper Man was a rail splitter. Here is a young- American who began in a tailor shop, and unless I very much miss my guess, he's going to be numbered in that same company. HUBER. (Whose attitude has completely changed) Well, it's certain John Paul was always a clever young man. No one can deny that. NATHAN. (Amused) You are very discerning, Mr. Huber. Now, may I ask for a few minutes alone with him ? HUBER. Why, certainly, sir ! To be sure ! (And he bows himself off and upstairs) (JOHN PAUL gets off the table and stands beside it.) ROWLANDS. Mr. Nathan, I take off my hat to you, sir. No wonder you're a big man. (Turning to JOHN PAULJ Bart, I'll see you in your office to-morrow. Good-bye, Mrs. Dupuy. MRS. DUPUY. Good-bye, Mr. Rowlands. ROWLANDS. Good-bye, Miss Bessie. (Exits) MRS. DUPUY. (Going to NATHAN, BESSIE with her) Of course, Abram, if you look at it that way, I know you must be right. NATHAN. (Amused) Thank you, Kitty. You are as discerning as Mr. Huber. MRS. DUPUY. Yes, but watch me make up for it. (Going to JOHN PAUL and extending her hand) Mr. Bart, will you shake hands with a silly old woman ? I take back every word I said. JOHN PAUL. (Laughingly, as he takes her hand in both his) Including the shifty eyes? MRS. DUPUY. Bessie, dear, it's never safe to judge a man by the eyes eyes are changeable. But look at that brow ! Good-bye, Mr. Bart ! (As she goes to the door) Bessie, dear, say good-bye te Mr. Bart. A TAILOR-MADE MAN 119 BESSIE. (Curtsies) Good-bye. MRS. DUPUY. (Prompting her) Mr. Bart. BESSIE. Mr. Bart. JOHN PAUL. Good-bye, Miss Bessie. MRS. DUPUY. Ask Mr. Bart to come and see us. BESSIE. (To JOHN PAULJ Will you come to see us? JOHN PAUL. Thank you. BESSIE. Thank you. (She goes to the door and opens it) MRS. DUPUY. (At the door) And there's just one thing more, Abram. Whether you believe it or not, I think you're just a darling, so there ! Good- bye, Mr. Bart. Come, Bessie. (They exit) NATHAN. Bart, the Workingmen's Council have agreed to give your scheme a ten-months' trial. JOHN PAUL. (Delighted) They have ! NATHAN. On condition that you be put in charge of the Committee of Readjustment. Will you come back to us? JOHN PAUL. You really want me ? NATHAN. (Affectionately) My boy, must I say it again? Yes, I want you more than I can say. Don't desert me now. JOHN PAUL. You bet I won't! NATHAN. Good ! Good ! (In a business-like manner, as he goes up to door) Your office is wait- ing for you and the day's mail needs to be attended to. Half a day off is enough for a busy man like you. (Starts to go, then turns back) Bart, I don't know how you've done it, but you make me feel like a young man again. I tell you, that be- tween us we're to do things that will surprise them. Yes, sir ! You watch ! (He exits.) CHuBER enters by stairs.) 126 A TAILOR-MADE MAN HUBER. You will excuse me, Mr. Bart, if I run out for a few minutes ? A little account at the bank that needs adjustment. (He takes off his apron and puts on his coat) And, Mr. Bart, I was going to say if you would care for a few words with Tanya ? JOHN PAUL. I would, very much. HUBER. She was just coming down to look over her books. A good girl, Mr. Bart, a good little daughter. Perhaps I have been wrong in trying to bring her up too much by the old rules. I dare say there is something to be said for the American way, after all. You will make yourself quite at home, Mr. Bart? Quite at home? Yes, sir if you please ! (And he bows himself off) (TANYA enters. She is deeply startled to see JOHN PAUL, who is facing her.) TANYA. Oh, I didn't know! Nobody told me! (With an overmastering impulse of sympathy) Oh, John Paul, I'm so sorry ! It was all my fault. JOHN PAUL. (With surprise, as he tenderly takes her hands) Your fault? Tanya, don't you know what's happened ? TANYA. Yes, I read it in the newspaper. (Un- able to hold back the truth any longer) But, John Paul, that doesn't make any difference to me. Noth- ing could make any difference ever. JOHN PAUL. (Still holding her hands, he forces her gently into a chair and sits beside her) Tanya, Mr. Nathan has been here. (She looks startled, but says nothing) He asked me to come back to him. He wants to set me at a bigger job than any I've tried so far. TANYA. (Withdraztring from him with a little pang of dismay) Oh, then you're going back ? A TAILOR-MADE MAN 121 JOHN PAUL. (Gently putting his arm around her) Yes, back into the big world. Will you go with me? TANYA. Go with you! Oh, but I can't! I'm nobody, and you JOHN PAUL. But I'm nobody, too. That's just why we ought to be so happy together. (PETER enters with an armful of clothes. As he sees TANYA and JOHN PAUL with their heads close together, he throws the clothes on the table and moves nearer and nearer, listening.) JOHN PAUL. I wish you could have heard what Mr. Nathan said about that just now. It's not what a man starts from, he said, it's what he gets to, what he does. And he believes there's a chance, if I do my best, that some day Oh, Tanya, isn't life the most wonderful proposition? With so much ahead, always so many big things waiting to be done ! And a chance for everybody ! Aren't you happy? Don't you think it will be splendid to see it through together? You know, it almost seems to me I can actually see them out there ahead the big jobs waiting for someone to tackle them CURTAIN END OF THE PLAY DADDY LONG-LEGS A charming comedy in 4 acts. By Jean Webster. The fafl east calls for 6 males, 7 females and 6 orphans, but tke play, by the easy doubling of some of the characters, raay be pletyed by 4 ntales, 4 females and 3 orphans, ^fee orpbaHs appear only in fehe first act and may be played by siaall girls of any age. Four easy interior scenes. CwsfctMies mocfemi. Plays 2^4 hours. Many rsaders of current fiction will recall Jean 'Webster'* "Daddy Loagr-Lega." MStss Webster dramatized her story and it tvas presented ait tbe Gie*y Tkeatre in Mew York, under Henry MJHer's direction, with Ruth Chatterton in the principal role. "Daddy Long-Legs" ttHa the story of Judy, a pretty little drudge in a Weak New England oa^hanage. One day, a visiting trustee becomes interested in Judy and decides to give her change. She does not know tke name of her benefactor, but Eiraply eaHs him Daddy Longr-I^ga, and 'writes him letters brim- ming- ovr with fun and ffi*tin. Prom the Foundling's Home she goes to a fashionable eolla# for girls and there develops the romtrae* that constitutes mn-oh of the play's eharm. The New York Times reviewer, em tfce morning after tht Broadway pro- duction, wrote the following: ''If you will take your pencil and write down, one bolow the other, the words delightful, charming', Bweei, beautiful arvd entertaining, and then draw a line and add them up, tbe aaswer will be 'Daddy Long-Legs.' To that result you wiisht even add brilliant, pathetic and humorous, but the answer even then wcmhl be jaat what it was before the play which M>s Jean Webster has made from her book, 'Daddy Long- Legs,' and which was presented at the Gaiety last night. Ta attempt to d escribe the sirnplioity and beauty of 'Daddy Long- Legs' would be lik attempting to describe the first breath of 8prmg after an exceedingly tiresome and hard Winter." "Daddy Juong-Le.gs" enjoyed a two-years' ran in New York, and was then toare-d for over three years. It is now published in play form for the first time. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR A cociedy in 4 aeta. By James Forbes, 3 males, 10 females. 2 interiors. Modern eostumes. Plays a full evening. An absorbing play of modern American family life. "The Famous Mrs. Fair" is concerned with a strenuous lady who retnrns frona overseas to lecture, and consequently neglects her daughter, who Is just saved in time from disaster. Acted with great success by Blanche Bates and Henry Miller. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, ?5 Cunts. SAMUEL FRENCH, 23 West 45th Street, New York City Out New Descriptive Catalogue Sent Free on Request TWEEDLES Comedy in 3 acts, by Booth Tarkington and Harry Leon Wllaon. 5 males, 4 females. 1 interior. Costumes, modern, Plays 2% hours. Julian, scion of the blue-blooded Castleburys, falls in love -with Wiasora Tweedle, daughter of the oldest family in a Maine village. The Tweedlss esteem the name because it has been rooted in the community for 200 yarc, and they look down on "summer people" with the vigor that only "rammer boarder" communities know. The Oastleburys are aghast at ike possibility of a match, and cell on the Tweedles to urge how impossible such an alliance would be. Mr. Castlebnry laboriously explains the barrier of soelal caste, and the elder Tweedle takes it that these unimportant smmmer folk are terrified at the social eminence of the Tweedlas, Tweedle generously agrees to co-operate with the Castleburys to prevent the match. But Winsora brings her father to realize that in reality the Castleburys look upon them as inferiors. The old man is infuriated, and threatens vengeance, but is checkmated when Julian unearths a number of family skeletons and argu.es that father isn't a Tweedle, since the blood has been so diluted that little remains. Also, Winsora takes the matter into her 4wn bands and outfaces the old man. So the youngsters go forth triumphant. "Tweedles" is Booth Tarkington at his bst. (Eoyalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents, JUST SUPPOSE A whimsical comedy in 3 acts, by A. E. Thomas, author of "Her Hnuband's Wife," "Gome Ont of the Kitchen, ' etc. 6 males, 2 females. 1 interior, 1 exterior. Costumes, modern. Flays 2*4 hours. It was rumored that during his last VMH the Prince of Wales appeared for a brief spell under an assumed name somewhere is Virginia. It is on this story that A. . Thomas baaed "Just Suppose." The them* is handled in an original manner. Linda Lea Stafford meets one George Shipley (in reality is the Prince of Wales). It is a cae of love at first sight, but, alas, princes cannot select their mates and thereby hangs a tale which llr. Thomas has woven with infinite charm. The atmosphere of the South with its chivalry dominates the story, touching in its sentiment and lightened here and there with delightful comedy. "Jnst Suppose" scored a big hit at the Henry Miller Theatre, New York, with Patricia Oollinge. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. SAMUEL FRENCH. 25 We* 43th Street, New York City Out New Descriptive Catalogue Sent Free on Request POLLYANNA "The glad play," in 3 aets. By Catherine Ghishokw C'usliing. Based on the novel by Eleanor H. Porter. 6 males, 6 females. 2 interiors. Costumes, modern. Play* 8% hours. The story has to do with the experiences of an orphan girl who is thrust, unwelcome, into the home of a maiden aunt. In pite of the tribulations that beset her life she manages to find something to be glad about, and bring! light into sunless live*. Finally, Pollyanna straightens out the love affairs of her elders, nd last, but not least, finds happiness for herself in the heart of Jimmy. "Pollyanna" is a glad play and one which is bound to give one a better appreciation of people and the world. It reflects the humor, tenderness and humanity that gave the story uch wonderful popularity among young and old. Produced at the Hudson Theatre, New York, and for two sea- tons on tour, by George C. Tyler, with Helen Hayes in the part *f "Pollyanna." (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cent*. THE CHARM SCHOOL 'A comedy in 3 acts. By Alice Duer Miller and Robert Milton. 6 males, 10 females (may be playei by 5 males and 8 females). Any number of school girla may be used in the ensembles. Scenes, 2 interiors. Modern costumes. Plays 2y% hours. The story of "The Charm School" is familiar to Mrs. Miller'* readers. It relates the adventures of a handsome young auto- mobile salesman, scarcely out of his 'teens, who, upon inheriting ft girls' boarding-school from a maiden aunt, insists on running it himself, according to his own ideas, chief of which is, by the Way, that the dominant feature in the education of the young girls of to-day should be CHARM. The situations that arise are teeming with humor clean, wholesome humor. In the end the young man gives up the school, and promises to wait until the most precocious of his pupils reaches a marriageable age. The play has the freshness of youth, the inspiration of an extravagant but novel idea, the charm of originality, and the promise of whole- some, sanely amusing, pleasant entertainment. We strongly rec- ommend it for high school production. It was first produced at the Bijou Theatre, New York, then toured the country. Two companies are now playing it in England. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45A Street, New York Cisr Our New Prescriptive Catalogue Sen: Free o'i KICK IN "Play in 4 acts. By Willard Mack. 7 males, 5 female^ $ interiors. Modern costumes. Plays 2^ hoars. "Kick In" is the latest of the very few available mystery plays. Like "Within the Law," "Seven Keys to Baldpate,'* "The Thirteenth Chair," and "In the Next Room," it is ona of those thrillers which are accurately described as "not having B dall moment in it from beginning to end." It is a play with all the ingredients of popularity, not at all difficult to set or to act; the plot carries it along, and the situations are built with that skill and knowledge of the theatre for which Willard Maek is known. An ideal mystery melodrama, for high school* and colleges. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents, TILLY OF BLOOMSBURY ("Happy-Go-Lucky.") A comedy in 3 acts. By Ian Hay. 9 males, 7 females. 2 interior scenes. Modern dress. Plays a full evening. Into an aristocratic family comes Tilly, lovable and youthful, with ideas and manners which greatly upset the circle. Tilly Is so frankly honest that she makes no secret of her tra- mendous affection for the young son of the family ; this brings her into many difficulties. But her troubles have a joyous end in charmingly blended scenes of sentiment and humor. This comedy presents an opportunity for fine acting, handsome stage settings, nd beautiful costuming. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents, BILLY Farce-comedy in 3 acts. By George Cameron. 10 males, 6 females. (A few minor male parts can be doubled, mak- ing the cast 7 males, 5 females.) 1 exterior. Costumes^ modern. Plays 2 ] / t hours. The action of the play takes place oa the S. S. "Florida," bound for Havana. The story has to do with the disappearance of a let of false teeth, which creates endless complications among passengers and erew, and furnishes two and a quarter hours of the heartiest laughter. One of the funniest comedies produced in the last dozen years on the American stage is "Billy" (some- times called "Billy's Tombstones"), in which the late Sidney Drew achieved a hit in New York and later toured the country several times. '.Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York U* Our New Descriptive Catalogue Sat Ftec oa Beoueat ON THE HIRING LINE Comedy in 3 acts, by Harvey O'Higgins and Harriet Ford. 5 males, 4 females. Interior throughout. Costumes, modern. Plays 2% hours. Sherman Fessenden, unable io induce servants to remain fop Bny reasonable length of time at his home, hits upon the novel expedient of engaging detectives to serve as domestics. His second wife, an actress, weary of the country and longing for Broadway, has succeeded in discouraging every other cook and butler against, remaining long at the house, believing that by sv doing she will win her husband to her theory that country life is dead. So she is deeply disappointed when she finds she cannot discourage the new servants. The sleuths, believing they had been called to report on the actions of those living with the Fessendens, proceeded to warn ifr. Fessenden that hie. wife has been receiving love-notes from Steve Mark, an actor friend, and that his daughter has bees planning to elope with a thief. Ona sleuth causes an uproar in the house, making a mess of the situations he has witnessed. Mr. Fessenden, however, has learned a lesson and is quite willing to leave the servant problem te his wife thereafter. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Pries, 75 Cent*. A FULL HOUSE 'A. farcical comedy in 3 acts. By Fred Jackson. 7 males, 7 females. One interior scene. Modern costumes. Time, 2% hours. Imagine a reckless and wealthy youth who writes ardeut love letters to a designing chorus girl, an attorney brother- in-law who fcteals the letters and then gets his hand-bag mixed up with the grip of a burglar who has just stolen a valuable necklace from the mother of the indiscreet youth, and the efforts of the crook to recover his plunder, as incidents in the story of a play in which the swiftness of the action never halts for an instant. Not only are the situations scream* ingly fanny but the lines themselves hold a fund of humor at nil times. This newest and cleverest of all farces was written t>y Fred Jackson, the well-known short-story writer, and if backed up by the prestige of an impressive New York success; and the promise of unlimited fun presented in the most attrac- tive form. A cleaner, cleverer farce has not been seen for many long day. "A Full House" is a house full of laughs. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 76 Cents. SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45 ih Street, New York City OlK Nw Descriptive Catalogue S*at Free on Requeat ARE YOU A MASON? Faroe in 3 acts. By Lo Ditriehstein. 7 males, 7 fe males. Modern costumes. Plays 2% hours. 1 interior. "Are You a Mason?" is one of those delightful fareec lika "Ohartey's Aunt" that aro always fresh. "A mother and a damghter," says the critic of the New York Herald, "had hi- b&nds who account for absences from the joint household on freqaent evenings, falsely pretending to be Masons. The men do not know each other's duplicity, and each tells his wife of hnring advanced to leadership in his lodge. The older woman was so well pleased with her husband's supposed distinction in the order that she made him promise to put up the nan* of a visiting friend for membership. Further perplexity over the principal liar arose when a suitor for his second daughter's hand proved to be a real Mason. ... To tell the story of the play would require volumes, its complications are so numerous. It is a house of cards. One card wrongly placed and the whole thing would collapse. But it stands, an example of remarkable in- gennity. You wonder at the end of the first act how the fun can be kept up on such a slender foundation. But it continues and grows to the laet curtain." One of the most hilariously amusing farces ever written, especially suited to schools and Masonic Lodges. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cent*. KEMPY A delightful comedy in 3 aots. By J. C. Nugent and Elliott Nugent. 4 males, 4 females. 1 interior throughout, Costumes, modern. Plays 2% hours. No wonder "Kempy" has been such a tremendous hit in New York, Chicago wherever it has played. It snaps with wit and humor of the moat delightful kind. It's electric. It's small- town folk perfectly pictured. Full of types of varied sorts, each one done to a torn and served with zestful sauce. An ideal entertainment for amusement purposes. The story is about a high- ialutin' daughter who in a fit of pique marries the young plmnbw- arehiteet, who comes to fix the water pipes, just because ha "understands" her, having read her book and having SWOT* to marry the authoress. But in that story lies all the humor that kept the audience laughing every second of every aet. Of course there are lot* of ramifications, each of which bears its own brand of laghter -making potentials. But the plot and the story are not the main things. There is, for instance, the work of the company. The fun growing out of this family mixup is lively am;. etean. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 43th Street, New York City One Nw Descriptive Catalogue Seat Free on Request NOT SO LONG AGO Comedy in a Prologue, 3 acts, and Epilogue. By Arthur Ricbman. 5 males, 7 females. 2 interiors, 1 exterior. Costumes, 1876. Plays a fall evening. Arthur Riohman has constructed his play around the Cinderella legend. The playwright has shown great wisdom in his choice ef material, for ha has cleverly crossed the Cinderella theme with a strain of Borneo and Juliet. Mr. Kichman places his young lovers in the picturesque New York of forty years ago. This tim Cinderella is a seamstress in the home of a social climber, who may have been the first of her kind, though we doubt it. She is interested sentimentally in the son of this house. Her father, learning of her infatuation for the young man without learning also that it is imaginary on the young girl's part, starts out to discover his intentions. He is a poor inventor. The mother of the youth, ambitious chiefly for her children, shud- ders at the thought of marriage for her son with a sewing-girl. But the Prince contrives to put tho slipper on the right foot, and the end is happiness. The play is quaint and agreeable and the three acts are rich in the charm of love and youth. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cent*. THE LOTTERY MAN Comedy in 3 acts, by Eida Johnson Young. 4 males, 6 females. 3 easy interiors. Costumes, modern. Plays 2*4 hours. In "The Lottery Man" Rida Johnson Young has seized upon ft custom of some newspapers to increase their circulation by clever schemes. Mrs. Youag haa mado the central figure in her famous comedy a newspaper reporter, Jack Wright. Wright owes his employer money, and he agrees to turn in one of the most sensational scoops the paper ha* ever known. His idea is to conduct a lottery, with himself as the prize. The lottery is an- nounced. Thousands of old maids buy coupons. Meantime Wright falls in love with a charming girl. Naturally he fears that he may be won by someone else and starts to got as many tickets as his limited means will permit. Finally the last day is an- nounced. The winning number is 1323, and is held by Lizzie, an old maid, in the household of tha newspaper owner. Lizzie refuses to give up. It is discovered, however, that she has stolen the ticket. With this clue, the reporter threatens her with arrest. Of course the coupon is surrendered and Wright gets the girl of his choice. Produced at the Bijou Theater, New York, with great success. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents, SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 43th Street, New York City Out New Descriptive Catalogue Sent Free on Requeet A 000 099 829 4 ARE YOU Farce in 3 acts. By Leo Ditriehstein. 7 males, 7 males. Modern costumes. Plays 2*4 hours. 1 interior. "Are You a Mason?" is one of those delightful farces like "Charley's Aunt" that are always fresh. "A mother and a daughter," says the critic of the New York Eerald, "had hus- bands who account for absences from the joint household on frequent evenings, falsely pretending to he Masons. The men do not know each other's duplicity, and each tells his wife of having advanced to leadership in his lodge. The older woman was so well pleased with her husband's supposed distinction in the order that she made him promise to put up the name of a visiting friend for membership. Further perplexity over tha principal liar arose when a suitor for his second daughter's hand proved to be a real Mason. ... To tell the story of the play would require volumes, its complications are so numerous. It ia a house of cards. One card wrongly placed and the whole thing would collapse. But it stands, an example of remarkable in- genuity. You wonder at the end of the first act how the fun can be kept up on such a slender foundation. But it continues and grows to the last curtain." One of the most hilariously amusing farces ever written, especially suited to schools and Masonic Lodges. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cent*, KEMPY & delightful comedy in 3 acts. By J. C. Nugent and Elliott Nugent. 4 males, 4 females. 1 interior throughout. Costumes, modern. Plays 2* hours. No wonder "Kempy" has been such a tremendous hit in New York, Chicago wherever it has played. It snaps with wit and humor of the most delightful kind. It's electric. It's small- town folk perfectly pictured. Full of types of varied sorts, eah one done to a turn and served with zestful sauce. An ideal entertainment for amusement purposes. The story is about a high- Xalutin' daughter who in a fit of pique marries the young plumber- architect, who comes to fix tha water pipes. , -e he "understands" her, having read her book and having sworn to marry the authoress. But in that story lies all the humor that kept the -audience laughing every second of every act. Of course there are lots of ramifications, each of which bears its owu brand f laughter-making potentials. But the plot and the story are not the main things. There is, for instance, the work of the company. The fun growing out of this family mixup is lively and clean. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 ^ SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York Gey *" Ocw New Descriptive Catalogue Sent Free an Standard Library Edition George M. Cohan Augustus Thomak Winchell Smith William Gillette Frank Craven Owen Davis Austin Strong A. A. Milne Harriet Ford Paul Green James Montgomery Edward Child* Carpentu Arthur Richman Philip Barry George Middleton Channing Pollock George Kaufman Martin Flavin Victor Mapcs (ate Douglas Wiggin lida Johnson Young Margaret Mayo toi Cooper Megrue 'can Webster ieorge Broadhurst George Hobart Frederick S. Isham Madeline Lucette Ryley Fred Ballard Percy MacKaye Willard Mack itrome K. Jerome . C. Carton Mark Swan Rachel Crothers W. W. Jacobs Ernest Denny Kenyon Nicholson Aaron Hoffman H. V. Esmond Edgar Selwyn Laurence Housman Israel Zangwill Walter Hackett E. Thomas ! 3dna Ferber ustin Huntley McCarthy ohn Henry Mear* ohn B. Stapleton Frederick Lonsdala Bryon Ongley Rex Beach Include* Plays by George Ketry Booth Tarkingteo George Ade J. C. and Bltiott H . Hartley Manners Barry Coaners Edith Ellis Harold Brighouse Harvey J. O'Higglne Clare Kummer James Forbes William C. DeMille Louis N. Parker Anthony Hop* Lewis Beach Guy Boiton Edward E. Rose Marc Connelly Frederick Paulding Lynn Starling Josephine Preston Peabody Catherine Chisholm Cushsng Clyde Fitch Earl Derr Biggers Thomas Broadhurst Charles Klein Bayard Veiller C. Haddon Chambers Richard Haraing Davis Cosmo Gordon-Lennox Grace L. Furntu Martha Morton Robert Housum Carlisle Moore Salisbury Field Leo Dietrichtstein Harry James Smith Eden Phillpotts Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Brandon Tynan Clayton Hamilton Edward Sheldon Richard Ganthony Jullie Lippmao Paul Dickey Frank Bacon Thompson Buchanan Edward Paulton Adelaide Matthews William Gary Duncan A. E. W. Mason H. A. Du Souchet Paul Armstrong French's International Copyrighted Edition contains pl*y, comedies and farces of international reputation; also recent professional successes by famous American and English Authors. Our new descriptive catalogue sent free on request. SAMUEL FRENCH Oldest Play Publisher in the World 25 West 45th Street, NEW YORK CITY