THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 PRESENTED BY 
 
 PROF. CHARLES A. KOFOID AND 
 MRS. PRUDENCE W. KOFOID 
 

 / 
 
-A . 
 
 * 
 
PETER SCHLEMIHL IN AMERICA. 
 

 PETER SCHLEMIHL 
 
 AMERICA 
 
 " I persuade myself that the ridiculing of the errors and extravagances of 
 mankind is not acting contrary to the general conduct of the saints, and that the 
 censures for so doing are no less directed against the great doctors of the Church 
 as ST. JEROME, in his letters and writings against Jovinian and Vigilantius 
 TERTULLIAN in his Apologetic against the follies of idolatry ST. AUGUSTINE against 
 the monks of Africa, whom he calls the Hairy St. IREN^EUS against the Gnos 
 tics ST. BERNARD and the other Fathers of the Church, who, having been the 
 imitators of the Apostles, ought to be imitated by Christians in all succeeding 
 ages; since, whatever may be said, they alone constitute the true models of the, 
 present times" PASCAL, Prov. Lett., XI. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA: 
 PUBLISHED BY CAREY AND HART. 
 
 1848. 
 
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1848, by 
 CAREY AND HART, 
 
 in the Clerk s Office of the District Court for the Eastern District of 
 Pennsylvania. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA : 
 T. K. AND P. G. COLLINS, PRINTERS. 
 
BUT what s this to the purpose ? you will say : 
 Gent, reader, nothing ; a mere speculation, 
 For which my sole excuse is tis my way. 
 Sometimes with and sometimes without occasion, 
 T write what s uppermost without delay ; 
 This narrative is not meant for narration, 
 But a mere airy and fantastic basis 
 To build up common things with common places. 
 
 " But why then publish ?" There are no rewards 
 
 Of fame or profit, when the world grows weary. 
 
 I ask in turn why do we play at cards ? 
 
 Why drink? why read? To make some hour less dreary. 
 
 It occupies me to turn back my regards 
 
 On what I ve seen or pondered sad or cheery 5 
 
 And what I write I cast upon the stream 
 
 To swim or sink / have had at least my dream. 
 
 BYRON S DON JUAN, Canto XIV. 
 
 M319272 
 
 : 
 
PETER S LETTER TO HIS FRIENDS. 
 
 TO THE FAMILY CIRCLE, 
 
 3D MAY, 1845, IN THE CITY OF . 
 
 MY DEAR FRIENDS: The following pages were commenced 
 about a year since, and have been written to beguile the solitude 
 of a city away from all the pleasant associations of early friend 
 ships, and a home endeared by the recollection of unnumbered 
 happy hours. I have been compelled to look in upon myself for 
 society and occupation, which, till recently, have always been sup 
 plied from the pleasant circles by which it has been my happiness 
 to be surrounded a conjuncture which must be felt to be under 
 stood. 
 
 When I began Peter Schlemihl in America, I had no thought 
 of extending the story beyond three numbers for some magazine. 
 A distinguished literary friend read the story when it had reached 
 the second number, and on being told it would be wound up in 
 the third and last, he remonstrated against such merciless dispatch 
 of my dramatis persons, and urged me to make a book of it. 
 The idea seemed, at the moment, an impossibility: but finding 
 pleasure in the labor, I continued to write, and found the work 
 grew under my hands. The publication of the series was com 
 menced in the Knickerbocker, but the restrictions necessarily 
 imposed by the requirements of a monthly magazine were not at 
 all fitted for the license of one accustomed to take seven leagues 
 at a step ; and with mutual kindness and no lack of friendship on 
 the part of the " Old Knick." the series was discontinued. But 
 the advice of those whose opinions I respect, and the solicitation 
 
Xll 
 
 of those I love, induced me to resume my labor, and changing 
 my plan, the work has reached its present shape. 
 
 It has been my purpose to present, in a form likely to attract 
 attention, topics of general interest. In doing so, I have sup 
 pressed many things which would have given brilliancy to the 
 coloring, and added depth to the shadows, and so have brought 
 out in stronger relief the several subjects I have attempted to por 
 tray. I have been guilty of no exaggeration I have not, to use 
 the saying of an old author, either "dug out hell, or blackened 
 the face of the devil" the public will not bear the whole truth. 
 There are some scenes and subjects which, had they been written 
 out, the outline, as it lay in my mind, would have been filled up. 
 ******* 
 
 To you, my dear friends, these pages will come with an inte 
 rest few, beside yourselves, can find in their perusal. They will 
 remind you of one who has been made happy by the unvarying 
 manifestations of your friendship the growth of many years. 
 
 As a family we are never more to meet. The light of our 
 home circle has been hid from our eyes. She whose smiles 
 cheered, whose wit enlivened, and whose sympathies sustained us, 
 sustains, enlivens and cheers us no longer. " Her sun has gone 
 down while it was yet day;" but we hope to meet at OUR 
 FATHER S table in heaven, thence to go out no more forever. 
 Our Journey of Life must soon terminate: to some of us the 
 way will be dark and solitary a pilgrimage renewed and sus 
 tained with no kind auspices. 
 
 That we may meet, an unbroken circle, is the first wish, as it 
 will be the last prayer, of 
 
 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 May 1, 1848. 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 BY THE EDITOR OF THE KNICKERBOCKER MAGAZINE. 
 
 "THE Wonderful History of Peter Schlemihl," by Adalbert 
 Von Chamisso,* was first introduced to English readers in 
 1824, illustrated by the plates of Cruikshank. The story thus 
 told was in those days ascribed to La Motte Fouque, and for 
 a while attracted great attention. From that time, Peter has 
 been invisible, until he was recalled to the world s regard by 
 the translation of William Howitt, two years since. But as 
 there may be many readers to whom this "Wonderful History" 
 is unknown, and as we have every reason to believe that the 
 veritable Peter is on this side of the Atlantic, it may not be amiss 
 to give the reader some outline of his wonderful history, corrected 
 in such manner as to present what we are assured are the real 
 facts in the case, and which the license of authorship has in some 
 points varied from the verities as existing in the life and adven 
 tures of our real Peter Schlemihl. Chamisso relates with great 
 beauty and grace the interview of Peter with the rich Mr. Tho 
 mas John; the reception of the poor student by that million 
 aire; his meeting, in the train of his friends and servitors, the 
 Gentleman in Black, who is caricatured as a " still, thin, lanky, 
 longish, oldish man, dressed in an old French gray taffety coat." 
 
 * Recently reprinted by Carey & Hart in an octavo volume, edited by Fre 
 deric H. Hedge, entitled "The Prose Writers of Germany." 
 
XIV INTRODUCTION. 
 
 Now that the Gentleman in Black may be somewhat given to 
 masquerades of various sorts, we may well imagine, but we do 
 not believe in any such sort of descriptions as that given by 
 Chamisso. The wonderful pocket of the Gentleman in Black is 
 very justly described as being singularly capacious; but though 
 we can readily believe it may have contained English plasters, if 
 need be, to apply to a lady s finger, wounded accidentally by a 
 thorn, or of a telescopic glass to help the vision of Mr. Thomas 
 John s guests, we yet find ourselves compelled to pause and hesi 
 tate as to the possibility of its capacity, when we are asked to 
 believe Chamisso s narrative that the Gentleman in Black really 
 did draw from his pocket, in compliance with the request of the 
 lovely girl who asked him " whether he had not, perchance, a 
 tent by him," "canvas, poles, cordage, iron work, in short every 
 thing which belongs to the most splendid pleasure-tent;" and our 
 power of credence is altogether surpassed when he is represented 
 as pulling "three beautiful great black horses with saddle and 
 caparison three saddled horses ! out of the same pocket from 
 which already a pocket-book, a telescope, an embroidered carpet 
 twenty paces long and ten broad, a pleasure-tent of equal dimen 
 sions, and all the requisite poles and irons, had come forth !" 
 We are assured by our Peter that the facts of his private history, 
 as stated by Chamisso, are in the outline fairly given; that he did 
 sell his shadow to the Gentleman in Black for the purse of For- 
 tunatus, but that when he did so he had not a single stiver in his 
 pocket, and his last hope of employment had failed him in the 
 arrogancy with which Mr. Thomas John had treated him ; that 
 the purse is fittingly described as " a tolerably large, well-sewed 
 Corduan leather purse, with two stout strings," into which, as 
 often as he plunged his hand, gold pieces could be drawn out in 
 any number that might be desired ; that the loss of his shadow 
 caused him all the inquietudes, and far more, than are sketched 
 by Chamisso; that his admiration of Fanny and love for Mina 
 are but poor portraitures of the power of grace over his own 
 unhappy destinies ; that the desire of the Gentleman in Black to 
 get the substance, having possessed himself of his shadow, is all 
 
INTRODUCTION. XV 
 
 very judiciously narrated ; but that he, Peter, should throw into 
 a deep well the Corduan purse which had cost him so much, is 
 altogether a mistake, or a poetical license, as the reader will here 
 after see. Indeed, nothing could have been more absurd than 
 such a course of conduct; for what is a man without money? 
 The method by which our Peter became invisible is related by 
 Chamisso in a way more improbable than need have been ; but 
 the buying of the seven league boots is perfectly true, and also 
 the surprise attending his first essay at the use of them. 
 
 MAGAZINE FOR AUGUST, 1846, p. 115. 
 
PETER SCHLEMIHL 
 
 AMERICA 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 Mrs. Julia Smith gives her first grand party Description of Mrs. Smith and 
 her guests Mrs. Smith s early history Mr. Smith s courtship Marries 
 Mrs. Smith, and removes to Babylon the Less. 
 
 IT was past 3 o clock on the night of the 1st of December, 18 , 
 that Mrs. Julia Smith, the ambitious lady of Mr. John Smith, 
 received the conge of the last guest of a very large party of 
 those who formed the self-constituted aristocracy of the great city 
 of Babylon the Less. The varnished and conventional smile of 
 society had vanished from her fair face, and she stood in the cen 
 tre of one of her splendid suite of rooms, gazing with an honest 
 expression of wretchedness at the spots and puddles of sperma 
 ceti which had descended from her numerous candelabras and 
 brackets, to the great injury of her rich carpets and damask- 
 covered sofas and chairs, and to the utter ruin of many of the 
 fine dresses worn by her " dear five hundred fashionable friends." 
 
 The party was the result of long-matured plans, and was the 
 first she had given since Mr. Smith had, at her entreaty, pur 
 chased their splendid house situated on Grosvenor Square, of all 
 the neighborhoods of Babylon the Less, deemed the most select; 
 and which had been fitted up with every luxury which taste had 
 suggested, and which money could procure. Her husband was at 
 the moment bowing out the last of their guests, and she dreaded 
 the moment of their meeting. It had been her desire to rank with 
 the "upper ten thousand" which had led him into all the expen 
 ditures and sacrifices of his own tastes and simple habits, all of 
 
18 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 which had the point of culmination in this her first party, and 
 which she had hoped would have been the bright apex of her 
 ambition. 
 
 Mr. Smith entered with a look of utter disgust and weariness 
 of the position he had been compelled to sustain. " Well, my 
 dear, this is the brilliant party, that was to have been ! I should 
 say it has been a splendid failure, but for the strange eclipse, 
 which shed its disastrous twilight upon us all, before your party 
 had but commenced their supper." 
 
 "My dear," replied the lady, in tones which deprecated his 
 anger, "who would have believed so many lamps could have 
 diminished in light so rapidly? They were lighted entirely too 
 soon." 
 
 " But," said Mr. Smith angrily, " there were your candles 
 pouring down streams of lava in all directions ; surely they must 
 have been made of lard instead of wax." 
 
 " No, dearest, the candles were of the best of spermaceti, and 
 such as is everywhere used," replied Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " And too," exclaimed the irritated gentleman, " how infernally 
 hot your house has been ! I believe the devil himself has been 
 heating the furnaces." 
 
 "My dearest husband," said Mrs. Smith, "I am distressed to 
 see you so unhappy. The rooms have been overheated. Patrick, 
 with his usual stupidity, thought he must give our guests a warm 
 reception, and this is the cause of all our mishaps." 
 
 " To have roasted your friends was, to be sure, bad enough," 
 said Mr. Smith, with a most cruel sneer, "but to have basted them 
 with spermaceti was indeed to snatch a grace beyond the reach 
 of art. 
 
 " Alas ! my love, have mercy upon me !" cried out Mrs. Smith. 
 " I am not to blame : why make me to feel myself in fault ? It 
 was all in consequence of the mischief of those Misses Van 
 Tromp, who went about fanning themselves, as if they were 
 dying for fresh air, and begging those young fops of theirs to 
 draw down the upper sashes, which of course occasioned a draught 
 of air, and set the candles a-running. Surely twas no fault of 
 mine; and though T regret the injury done my guests, yet they 
 must have seen who was to blame, and that I was the greatest 
 sufferer." 
 
 " Excepting myself, if you please," said Mr. Smith. " It was, 
 to be sure, quite a scene, and was not without its good hits ; and 
 I would not have objected to have been one of the sufferers any 
 where else but here." 
 
 " My dear, what could have set them all dripping so near the 
 same moment ?" inquired the wife. 
 
MRS. SMITH S FIRST PARTY. 19 
 
 " Why," said Mr. Smith, " the same cause usually produces the 
 same effects. There was no miracle wrought to save us this 
 evening, and so the same current of air which filled one cup of 
 your candelabras full, filled all; and it would have been as im 
 possible to have escaped a hail-storm as this shower of grease. 
 Mont Morris came up to me soon after the flood had subsided, 
 and the sperm had cooled; while I was expressing my regret at 
 his misfortunes, seeing his shoulders all white with sperm, which 
 he bore with his usual kindness and good humor, Mrs. Vandam 
 tapped him on the elbow as she was passing, and said with a 
 sneering laugh, My dear General, you wear your epaulets this 
 evening. " 
 
 " Well, my dear," said Mrs. Smith, " she was well repaid for 
 her ill nature; for when all seemed safe, and the servants had 
 repaired the mischief by new candles, one had been overlooked, 
 and she was standing under it, when down came a stream of 
 spermaceti spangling her beautiful dress with spots." 
 
 " Yes!" said Mr. Smith ; "and do you know how she repaid 
 me for the glance of satisfaction she doubtless saw my face must 
 have expressed ? She whispered to a lady near me, and quite a 
 stage aside it was too, I verily believe this is a contrived affair 
 to compel us to renew our dresses at his fine store. It has the 
 merit of novelty, and I shall certainly patronize him. : 
 
 " Alas ! my dear, she is so cynical, don t mind her. She is 
 but one of the many." 
 
 " Yes," said Mr. Smith, "but when the many are in a like con 
 dition, they feel alike. And at your supper too, I was compelled 
 to hear the gibes and jests on all sides ; and among them was 
 that Coryphaeus of fashion, as he deems himself no doubt, gazing 
 down the tables as if he were looking through a tunnel, and turn 
 ing to Mont Morris, exclaimed, in a voice quite too loud for the 
 sensitiveness of my ears this evening, This is truly a most re 
 markable specimen of the chidro oscuro quite in the style of 
 Rembrandt !" 
 
 " Oh! Heavens !" exclaimed the wife, in an agony of feeling, 
 " what would I give for lamps which never burn dim !" 
 
 " Let me tell you," said Mr. Smith, in tones harsh, cold, and 
 so very slow, " till you shall find them, I swear to you, that this 
 is the last party you shall ever give in any house of mine." And 
 so saying, he bade her good night, leaving poor Mrs. Smith seated 
 on a sofa in the utmost wretchedness. She sighed deeply, as she 
 recalled the scenes of the evening. All the disagreeables which 
 had met her husband s eye and ear had been observed and heard 
 by her, and she too had been compelled to suffer many things of 
 the sort ; and there was not wanting a sprinkling of those " d d 
 
20 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 good-natured friends," as Byron calls them, who never leave you 
 in ignorance of your misfortunes, and whose bland tones of sym 
 pathy convey the most stinging satire, and are the severest of trials 
 to a lady s self-possession, when passing through a fiery ordeal 
 like that which had overwhelmed Mrs. Smith . After a short time, 
 she rose and stood before one of her splendid mirrors, and there 
 contemplated her entire person, as faultless in shape as in costume. 
 And she felt all was not lost. If she had failed of the success 
 she had hoped for, yet it was not an entire failure. There were 
 some incidents which she could recall with satisfaction. She 
 again scanned her figure, and felt that if it was not faultless, yet 
 it was attractive, and that its attractions had been acknowledged 
 by some whose approval was worth possessing. 
 
 Her figure was indeed eminently graceful ; her hair dark and 
 luxuriant; and her clustering curls beautifully relieved the fair 
 ness of her skin ; and though her nose was somewhat too aqui 
 line, her mouth and teeth were perfect, her tones musical and 
 clear, and her eyes were liquid and bright; nor least of all, she 
 knew their power, and how and when to use them. Her step 
 and movements had been often remarked upon by foreigners and 
 those capable of judging, to be eminently Castilian ; and that 
 which she appreciated most of all, was the air of repose, which 
 was never for a moment disturbed, though it had been so severely 
 tried this evening. She had seen the impressions made by her 
 address on her visitors, and had been encouraged and sustained. 
 Though she had seen but little of the society of the circles she 
 had now gathered around her, yet there was nothing which would 
 indicate anything of newness in her present position. She re 
 ceived her visitors with ease and quietness ; there was no attempt 
 to play the hostess; indeed, she addressed herself to the self-love 
 of such as she sought to win, by rather seeming to seek their 
 support than to afford it. And especially was this manifested to 
 ward those whom she regarded as the true aristocracy of the city. 
 For though she had heretofore been but a " looker-on in Vienna," 
 yet she had come to the- conclusion that the true arbiters of fash 
 ion were not those who deemed themselves such, but they were 
 of those old and well-established families who combined the 
 possession of wealth with high moral and intellectual qualities, 
 and whose sons and daughters were inspired with sentiments of 
 respect for the good and the true, in whom the real power of so 
 ciety rested. 
 
 Such were Colonel Worth and his lady, and their lovely daugh 
 ter Grace. In receiving this family, Mrs. Smith evinced that de 
 gree of pleasure and her sense of the honor thus conferred, which 
 was marked and effective, and of which they felt the value in 
 
MR. DE LISLE. 21 
 
 contrast with the Van Tromps, and other vulgar rich folks, who 
 were, as matters of course, present at her party. And when, 
 during the evening, the satirical sayings of these groups of ill-bred 
 and over-dressed belles and their beaux reached the ears of the 
 Worths, and they were impelled by their true politeness and 
 truthful feelings to sustain her by their attentions, the look and 
 manner of Mrs. Smith told them of her gratitude, and of her high 
 appreciation of the delicacy and kindness which had prompted 
 them to pay her these attentions. But especially was Mrs. Smith 
 flattered by the marked manners of Mr. De Lisle, a gentleman 
 eminent for his literary attainments ; a man rarely in society, for 
 it had but few attractions for him, and whose tastes led him to the 
 retirement of his library and the pursuit of his profession. In 
 deed, she had not expected him, and he had been induced to come, 
 from his high regard for the talents, industry and integrity which 
 had always distinguished Mr. Smith ; and it was to manifest these 
 sentiments that he, contrary to his custom, had accepted Mrs. 
 Smith s invitation. 
 
 Mr. De Lisle was distinguished for symmetry of form a face 
 perfect in its profile a forehead high and bold, over hanging eyes 
 of deepest hazel, which flashed with light in earnest conversation. 
 His hair was dark, thick, and naturally inclined to curls his voice 
 was susceptible of every inflection, and at all times rich in its 
 tones ; and there was in his smile, so said the ladies, something 
 especially fascinating. Tall and erect, he wore the aspect of one 
 conscious of his high superiority, living apart from the pursuits 
 and passions of men, in the serene atmosphere of noble thoughts 
 and aspirations. Though nearly thirty-five years of age, he was 
 still unmarried, and an object of special interest to ladies of a 
 particular age ; in fact, ladies of all ages felt themselves flattered 
 by his attentions. The Van Tromps, to make themselves agree 
 able to him, had attempted to be witty by calling his attention to 
 the mishaps their thoughtlessness, if not their malice, had been 
 the chief cause of inflicting on the party. 
 
 Mr. De Lisle listened very coolly, and showed his disapproba 
 tion by leaving them and addressing himself to Mrs. Smith, who 
 saw this movement with the sincerest satisfaction. She received 
 Mr. De Lisle with quiet courtesy ; and when he attempted, as 
 he did rather awkwardly, some commonplace compliment on the 
 splendor of her rooms and of her party, she looked her thanks, 
 and at once avowed her deep consciousness of the cause of the 
 merriment evinced by the Van Tromps, and expressed her grati 
 tude for the kindness and forbearance of her guests generally. 
 Her looks were eloquent; and the grace and melody of the voice 
 were not unfelt ; and he was flattered by the frankness and con- 
 
22 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 fidence with which she treated him. He found he was address 
 ing a sensible woman, whose fine sense and admirable self-pos 
 session, (and, let it be whispered, whose apparent trustfulness had 
 flattered his self-love,) so charmed him, that he retained his place 
 near her till supper was announced. He retired immediately 
 after supper ; but in doing so, said in a low tone of voice, " that he 
 should soon do himself the pleasure of calling on her, when he 
 could gratify his own wishes without infringing on the rights of 
 others, as he feared he had done on this evening." 
 
 Many^of the guests had expressed to each other their admira 
 tion of their charming hostess, and asked where did she get man 
 ners so rarely attained in their perfection, even in the circles in 
 which they are best appreciated. 
 
 Now Mrs. Smith was born in a country village, and was an 
 only child of honest and industrious parents, who were possessed 
 
 of a fine farm in . She was ever indulged, and had been 
 
 educated to dance and to sing by those strolling amateurs of these 
 city accomplishments, who come like comets into the spheres of 
 our country villages, and having starred it for awhile, depart 
 never to reappear. At the age of eighteen, she married Mr. Smith, 
 then a young man, who had been teaching the village school for 
 six months, to aid him in completing his professional studies. 
 The grace and loveliness of this village Dryad proved irresistible ; 
 and yet he was a man of the most inflexible firmness of purpose 
 and resolution of soul, which had already surmounted great diffi 
 culties in the attainment of the objects of his highest hopes. 
 Though so young and so artless, Julia was not without an in 
 stinctive perception of the power of grace, as well as of the 
 
 "infectious sigh, the pleading look, 
 Downcast and low, in meek submission drest, 
 But full of guile ;" 
 
 if that be guile which incites a young girl to provoke the love 
 she feels in the throbbings of her own bosom. 
 
 The master and the pupil soon became unconsciously engaged 
 in a struggle of no ordinary strength ; he to overcome his desires 
 by his ambition, and she to win him whom all the girls of the 
 village acknowledged as the handsomest teacher they had ever 
 had, though he was so silent and so cold. He became conscious 
 of her fascination, but what could he do ? There was no safety 
 but in flight, yet his poverty compelled him to remain. Twice 
 a-day did this syren present herself before him as a scholar, so 
 quiet and so gentle, and all unconscious of her power over him 
 so thought the master. Julia on her part became conscious of 
 her wish to please him, by the greater care she took in her dress, 
 
MRS. SMITH S SCHOOL DAYS. 23 
 
 and in the wearing of her hair in rich tresses, which were beau 
 tiful in contrast with her white neck and shoulders, which now 
 naturally became visible as the costume of winter was exchanged 
 for that of spring and summer. She found, too, that her pens 
 required mending more frequently than ever before, and that her 
 sums would not so readily prove as they had once done ; indeed, 
 her difficulties in her studies seemed to increase, and she became 
 more dependent than ever on the aid of the teacher. 
 
 There were but a few girls older than herself, and the feelings 
 which distracted the master in his studies stimulated Julia in hers, 
 so that she was ahead of all others, and it became necessary to 
 hear her recitations by herself. And how unequal was the con 
 test ! The master, all unconscious of her wiles, and believing 
 that every feeling in his heart was the sole prompting of his 
 wishes, and that all he saw so attractive was the loveliness of 
 girlhood ; but so it was, that at last he thought the pinnacle of the 
 temple was not to be compared with the temptations to which he 
 was subjected. There sat this sweet girl, just ten feet from him, 
 on a little bench, and at a table apart by herself; she has twice 
 rubbed out a slate full of figures, and now a third time she has 
 tried to do the sum, and it will not prove ; she lays down her 
 pencil she looks perplexed ; her white finger is running over 
 the lines on the slate ; tis all in vain; and now at last she looks 
 up to the master with a look full of timidity, helplessness and 
 entreaty. What can he do but go at once to her aid ? The blush 
 is on her cheek : she almost whispers, so low are the tones of 
 her voice : " It won t prove !" The sum was in the rule of 
 Double Position. The master, on looking over it, at once disco 
 vered the error. Now, when speaking to Julia, the thunders of 
 the pedagogue were hushed into the softest tones of his voice : it 
 was not " You must do this and that," but it was "Are we not 
 wrong here ?" " Suppose we try it so and so." On this occa 
 sion, he said, " My dear Julia, we must first add and then multi 
 ply ; you see you have reversed the rule." The neck of Julia 
 even was suffused with the warmth of her blushes, for it was the 
 first time he had ever used an endearing appellative. First, it 
 had been " Miss Jones," then ** Miss Julia ;" now it was " my 
 dear Julia." Nor was the master entirely unconscious of the 
 bewitching inflections of her voice, as she was going through the 
 verbs, though he did not observe that all her errors occurred in 
 those rules which required the repetition of words, which the 
 spirit of mischief must have devised and put there for the very 
 purpose of enticing poor pedagogues ; and there were instants, 
 too, when her eye would gaze upon him, as if the rules in gram 
 mar were hid by thoughts which lay behind them ; and when 
 
24 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 she recovered herself, her beautiful eyes fell upon a bosom so 
 lovely, as irresistibly to carry the master s heart along with them. 
 
 But though these were fearful moments, they were not the only 
 ones. While all the boys and girls were out at play during the 
 hour of recess, there sat his scholar busy with her slate. He 
 would walk up and down, restless, anxious to go and seat him 
 self beside her, and yet determining he would not ; and so he 
 would go to a window to look out on the sports of the children ; 
 but the least rustle of her dress, or the creaking of her shoe, be 
 came to him more audible than the uproar of the whole school. 
 In spite of himself, he must go and see what she was doing, and 
 whether she needed his aid, as it must be said she often did. It 
 was no task to seat himself beside her ; and there lay her soft 
 white hand so innocently idle, that it seemed impossible not to 
 take it up and to press it. " Now this is something gained," 
 thought the young girl, and it was ; for though she knew nothing 
 of the science of Mesmerism, and had never heard of Perkins* 
 Tractors, she felt that there lay some secret power in hands 
 when pressed, and that they had a tendency to become insepa 
 rable. 
 
 The little bench was very long for one, and rather short for 
 two ; and it became almost a matter of necessity for the master, 
 when working out her sums, to place his arm round the waist of 
 his pupil, merely to get it out of the way. I have thought it 
 would be a subject worthy of some scholar capable of mastering 
 so occult a subject, to determine whether the necessity of the 
 tournure has not its final cause in furnishing the support which is 
 so very convenient and indeed indispensable at such times. Cole 
 ridge, in his Table Talk, has said that the final cause in furnishing 
 man with a nose was to afford him the pleasure of taking snuff; 
 but I must leave all such questions to those astute philosophers 
 who have in all ages delighted in the creation of the universe out 
 of its "Vestiges," and who have written huge tomes on subjects 
 which have less to do with human happiness than either of the 
 subjects referred to. 
 
 Whatever may be said on the question of the final cause, the 
 tournure has certainly a wonderful charm, and its cause and in 
 fluence lie in the very depths of physiology and psychology. In 
 order to appreciate this assertion in all its verities, we should be 
 compelled to go into a very long and difficult disquisition ; but 
 we will just hint at one or two things. President Day, in his 
 work on the Will, lays down the plain proposition "that every 
 change implies an adequate cause." Now though the modistes 
 of Paris may not have understood the reach of their inventions, 
 nor the adequate cause which was inducing this wonderful change 
 
SCENES AT SCHOOL. 25 
 
 in the curve lines of a lovely lady, yet they were conscious of an 
 impelling necessity which found its solution in this inimitable in 
 vention. We deem this necessity to be the desire to attain the 
 beau ideal of female loveliness. Now Miss CATHARINE BEECHER, 
 in a very able article on Fatalism, (Bib. Rep., Oct. 39,) says : 
 " The object of desire does force and impel, as a producing cause 
 of desire. Men can no more help desiring objects of good before 
 their minds than a wedge can help being impelled or driven." 
 So long, therefore, as its power is felt in inducing "desire" in the 
 heart of man, the tournure will be worn with increasing witchery, 
 until men shall have no more power over their wills than a wedge 
 under the blows of Hercules. Another reason for its perpetuity 
 is found in the extreme difficulty of finding the precise form 
 fitting to accomplish these ends ; but now our Julia s was what 
 the late Casimer Perier so successfully maintained in the policy 
 of France, the juste milieu, so rarely reached and as difficult of 
 due adjustment by our fashionables as is a "judicious tariff" by 
 our politicians. To return to the master and his pupil: their 
 sums were soon solved ; but there were looks which remained 
 unexplained by language, very much to the pupil s unhappiness. 
 
 We have all read of the stupidity of the ostrich when pursued, 
 but this is nothing in comparison with one in the condition of the 
 master. All the school were lookers-on, and though he thought 
 he had kept the secret of his soul in its deepest recesses, they all 
 knew it, and watched the progress of the courtship, as they called 
 it, with the deepest interest. The trees were climbed which grew 
 near the school-house, by the boys ; and the girls with the utmost 
 stealthiness hoisted up the little children to the windows to get a 
 peep, and so report the progress of events. Indeed, the whole 
 village was in a state of intense excitement as to the result. 
 
 And now May had come in all its beauty, its softness, and its 
 inspirations, and the master missed his scholar from her seat ; 
 and though the day was bright and beautiful, he was restless and 
 irritable. Nor did he recover his sobriety of manner while the 
 week was thus passing, and no Julia Jones. He inquired, " Is 
 Miss Jones ill ?" No one had seen her ; no one knew anything 
 about her. He fully believed he should see her at meeting; but 
 her seat was unfilled. Until now he had restrained himself from 
 ever calling at her father s house : this would be changing their 
 relations ; and when all other barriers had been prostrated, this 
 stood firm. And Miss Julia well knew it. She knew his term 
 would end in the next month, and something must be done to 
 make him change his position. The master said, " She must be 
 ill !" and it was his duty to go and inquire. Prudence said " No I" 
 but his heart was lightened as he conceded so much to his wishes 
 
26 PKTER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 as to say he would go after school. He set out as soon as the 
 school was dismissed ; and yet he was strangely moved on his 
 way out of the village to the farm, about a mile s distance, and 
 sometimes paused as if to return. But he went on ; and reach 
 ing the homestead, he knocked at the door, while his heart was 
 knocking at his breast-bone ; and when the door opened, there 
 stood Julia, dressed in all the attractiveness which Swiss muslin 
 can be made to wear and who has not owned its power? His 
 look spoke his joy and admiration, and her smiles and welcome 
 were full of sweetness. The parents received him quietly and 
 kindly; and he talked with the father while he looked at the 
 daughter, as she sat attentively engaged in sewing near the win 
 dow. She looked as if interested in all they spoke of, but spoke 
 not ; her time was not yet. The father was a sensible man, and 
 glad to find one with whom he could converse on topics ranging 
 beyond his farm ; the mother was occupied with the supper, which 
 was excellent, and so admirably conducted that he felt quite at 
 home among them. 
 
 It was near seven when they rose from the supper-table. The 
 air was soft and warm ; the moon, near the full, was seen ascend 
 ing through the trees, and in the west lay heaps of crimson clouds. 
 Julia, stepping out on the green, pointed to a hill near the house, 
 from which she said she loved to look at these beautiful sunsets. 
 It was as natural as it was necessary for the master to invite his 
 pupil to show him the spot. She threw a slight shawl over her 
 arm, and with her pretty white bonnet held by the strings, was 
 ready in a moment to go. They reached the hill ; the scenery 
 was beautiful ; but beyond was a bolder hill, and before this was 
 ascended, the twilight had faded away, and the moon and stars 
 were shining. It was certainly a very dangerous position to be 
 placed in, and the master should have thought of it at the time ; 
 but he did not, for he was talking of the stars ; the discoveries of 
 Herschel ; the nebular theory of La Place ; of the binary stars, 
 and stars with complementary light, and of the glorious Universe, 
 which, though so vast and magnificent, was yet all unconscious 
 of its grandeur ; " this," said he, "is the prerogative of the Soul ; 
 and though they (he and Julia !) were but as atoms in its in 
 finity, yet they could comprehend the Creator." It is certain he 
 was very eloquent, and Julia seemed as if she had been follow 
 ing his flight with untiring attention ; and looking up to the man 
 in the moon, who took his usual liberty of casting his brightest 
 beams into the sweet face so fondly gazing upon his, and shed 
 ding a flood of light upon her white dress, which looked as if 
 made of threads of silver, in tones soft and sweet, she said: "I 
 
COURTSHIP OF MR. SMITH. 27 
 
 wonder if the beings who inhabit these worlds above us are as 
 bright and beautiful as we picture them ? 
 
 She paused ; and I will venture to say that the Earl of Rosse, 
 with his famous telescope, if he had at that instant taken in the 
 range of the nebulae in the Sword of Perseus, would not have 
 seen anything half so bright as the face of this lovely girl. The 
 master, quite beside himself, exclaimed, " Nothing in heaven can 
 be more beautiful than the angel I hold in my arms !" And follow 
 ing the admirable rules given by Hamlet to the players, " he suited 
 the action to the word and the word to the action, and so o er- 
 stepped not the modesty of nature." 
 
 Now if any of my fair readers should think the modesty of 
 Julia was impinged upon, and that, being alone on that " heaven- 
 kissing hill," she cried out to the stars for help, I can assure them, 
 that though the stars once fought in their courses against Sisera, 
 and if there be any truth in the theory of Pythagoras, caused sad 
 discord in the harmonies of heaven, they went on singing and 
 shining, undisturbed by any outcry, which was the last thing Julia 
 thought of making. Indeed, I have been assured by some young 
 friends of mine, who were assisting Professor Olmstead in some 
 observations at the Observatory of Yale, that they all remarked at 
 the time, that the stars were winking at each other very know 
 ingly ; and, moreover, that that good-natured gentleman, the man 
 in the moon, wore even a more smiling aspect than usual. We 
 shall not go on with the scene. It opened with the master s ac 
 customed energy and earnestness. This much is certain, they 
 did not return till near nine o clock ; a very late hour, thought the 
 parents, for their only child to be out in the night air ; and when 
 their steps were heard, they were very slow. At the gate the 
 master took his leave of Julia, who entered the house with a 
 buoyant step and beaming countenance, though she said she was 
 weary, and would immediately retire and did so. 
 
 The next afternoon the master came, avowed his love for Julia, 
 and asked their consent to an immediate union. Her parents, 
 taken by surprise, asked for some months delay, but the master 
 could brook no such delay. They then appealed to Julia, to 
 whom so great a step must, they were sure, require time for 
 thought; but, like most young ladies similarly situated, she had 
 been thinking a great while ; and though she did not share in the 
 eagerness of the master, and felt a real shrinking from the con 
 summation of her own wishes, yet, as most young ladies do, took 
 a very common-sense view of the subject ** It must come sooner 
 or later; it would be wisest and safest and best ; there would be 
 no slips between the cup and the lip; she should be settled for 
 life," and so she reconciled to herself and her loving parents their 
 
28 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 compliance with the wishes of the master. So soon as the pre 
 parations could be made, they were married : and Mr. Smith felt, 
 perhaps, more truly than ever did Mark Anthony in the arms of 
 the fatal Cleopatra, that if he had lost the world, he was content 
 to lose it. 
 
 But soon the necessity of effort led Mr. Smith to the city of 
 Babylon the Less, leaving his beautiful wife with her parents 
 until he could, in some way, provide for her. He was eminently 
 successful in obtaining business in the Broadway of that great city. 
 Here his tact and energy soon wrought wonders, and the shop 
 became the favored resort of the fashionables of that city. For 
 tune seemed ready to repay him for the sacrifices Ambition had 
 made to Love. His young wife soon rejoined him, and they be 
 came, at first, the happy tenants of a small house in L Esperance 
 Place. 
 
 The only gift received from her parents was a large and beau 
 tifully-bound family Bible, in which, on those most interesting of 
 all leaves to a young married couple in that best of books, and 
 which usually separate the Old and New Testaments, under its 
 proper head, was inscribed, in the fair and flowing hand of her 
 husband, the marriage of John Smith to Julia Jones, June 20, 
 18 . This, then, was the sole library with which Mrs. Smith 
 commenced her married life ; and shall I tell the whole truth ? 
 it was a book she never opened, except to read the entry already 
 quoted; she would then musingly turn over to the next page, and 
 think of the names and the order of succession it would best please 
 her to see filling up its two blank columns blanks, alas ! never 
 to be filled. 
 
 At that time, it did not suit Mr. Smith to form any family ac 
 quaintances, being wholly absorbed in business ; and Mrs. Smith 
 did not desire the society of such as would have been her friends. 
 She felt her husband would rise to affluence, and she was willing 
 to bide her lime. As she had little or no society, she sought, 
 from such books as she could obtain, to acquaint herself with the 
 character and conduct of the circles into which she hoped, one 
 day, to be admitted. But this she found a difficult task ; such 
 conflicting presentations of society led her into mazes of diffi 
 culty; and she was left to herself to find out the true from the 
 false. Some authors, she found, had written a la stairs, whose 
 scenes were of necessity the mere creations of fancy ; and those 
 writers who were members of the circles they pictured, seem to 
 delineate society as it should be rather than as she felt it was. 
 Still, however, she gleaned some hints, and these she treasured 
 up ; and, of all things, sought to acquire that serenity of features 
 so eminently possessed by Talleyrand, and could almost have 
 
THE GENTLEMAN IN BLACK. 29 
 
 been willing to have the Duchess de Broglie s test applied to her 
 self, could she but have had his powers of endurance. 
 
 Thus, while Mr. Smith was absorbed in the pursuit of wealth, 
 his wife was fully occupied in her studies of society. While 
 thus intensely occupied, all unconsciously to themselves, they lost 
 their young love. Not that they did not love each other as well 
 as most married folks do, but they knew not (and how common 
 is the mistake !) that love cannot live on the common courtesies 
 of life, and the discharge of every-day duties. No child comes 
 into the world with a constitution so susceptible to change as 
 Young Love ; so liable to chills and fevers, which finally induce 
 a fatal decline. Their Young Love did linger on, and for a while 
 wore his pretty looks, and his sweet smiles were renewed from 
 time to time for a day or two together; but then he was sadly 
 neglected, and from want of proper care and nutriment, was 
 stone-dead a long time before they, either of them, found it out, 
 Alas! " Love breathes in the first sigh, and expires with the first 
 kiss." 
 
 " Tis true, tis pity, and pity tis, tis true." 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black enters the saloon to take leave of Mrs. Smith Mise 
 ries consequent of lamps that burn dim, and candles that melt The Gen 
 tleman in Black removes the spots from the carpets of Mrs. Smith Mes 
 merizes the mirror Scene in the house of GAI.LUS A Roman banquet 
 exhibited to Mrs. Smith in the mirror The Gentleman converses with 
 Mrs. Smith on magic and the " Black Art Origin of Idol worship Con 
 tinuation of the scenes in the house of GALLUS. 
 
 SUCH of my readers as had the patience to accompany me 
 through my first chapter, will appreciate the importance of her 
 first party to Mrs. Smith, and the sinking in her very soul with 
 which she recalled the last words of her husband. " Was it pos 
 sible that they would prove his fixed, his fast and unalterable 
 purpose ?" She well knew his aversion to all her plans, and the 
 reluctance with which he had been induced to comply with her 
 wishes ; and she threw herself on one of her sofas with a pang 
 of agony at the fearfulness of his decision, and repeated the words 
 in tones of the utmost grief, ** Lamps which never burn dim !" 
 
30 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 No such thing could exist; and yet, on this sole condition rested 
 the hopes of her life. At one moment she thought he must and 
 would relent; and then she remembered but too well the stern 
 and iron will which had never but once relinquished its hold of a 
 purpose fully formed ; and she feared, as she recollected the in 
 tense struggle she had witnessed in him on that evening, that this 
 was fixed as fate. 
 
 While thus absorbed in thought, she was surprised to see the 
 very GENTLEMAN IN BLACK, whom the unfortunate PETER SCHLE 
 MIHL had met some years since, enter the room, with his hat in 
 his hand, and with an air of the utmost humility and deference; 
 and who, bowing very low, approached her, and in tones of voice 
 singularly soft and winning, begged her pardon if he had intruded 
 upon her; but he said he could not leave the house without ten 
 dering his thanks, and expressing his high satisfaction with the 
 pleasure he, in common with her large circle of friends, had re 
 ceived from the very splendid party to which she had invited 
 them. 
 
 44 Indeed, sir," said the lady, " I was not aware of having had 
 the pleasure of meeting you here this evening. You will forgive 
 me if I have failed in any attentions which would have made 
 your visit agreeable." 
 
 " My dear madam," replied the Gentleman in Black, " I assure 
 you I am quite at home in Babylon the Less, and was happy to 
 meet so many of my friends here to-night. It has been to me a 
 most agreeable evening." 
 
 " I fear," said Mrs. Smith, with a tone of sadness, " you are 
 the only one of my guests who can say as much ; to me it has 
 been anything but what I could have wished." 
 
 " Indeed !" said the Gentleman, with an expression of sincerest 
 sympathy ; " what change could you have wished made ?" 
 
 " See," said the lady, pointing to the coverings of her sofas 
 and chairs, and to her carpets, all spotted with spermaceti, and 
 then to the lamps, burning dimly, and sending up their hateful 
 columns of smoke through blackened chimneys ; " and my rooms, 
 too, have been heated to suffocation, through the stupidity of the 
 servant having the furnaces in his charge ; so that altogether it 
 has been to me a series of mishaps, and a sad chapter of acci 
 dents." 
 
 " My dear lady," said the Gentleman in Black, " you take all 
 these matters too much to heart. I assure you I have found it 
 very difficult, indeed, so to regulate the heat of my furnaces as 
 to satisfy the demands of my guests ; and it is the commonest of 
 all complaints with them, that my rooms are somewhat over 
 heated. As to lighting saloons, too, I have often heard my friends 
 
HIS ADMIRATION OF MRS. SMITH. 31 
 
 say, that they were quite in the dark, notwithstanding all my 
 pains-taking on this score. Indeed, the subject of illumination 
 has always been one of the utmost difficulty, and upon which a 
 vast amount of time and money has been bestowed ; if you have 
 failed, it was but an every-day occurrence. Rather, I should 
 say," said he, smiling, " an every-night occurrence." 
 
 The lady smiled too, but it was at his poor attempt to be wit 
 ty, and thought, " He is, no doubt, a very simple-minded man." 
 He rose, looked at the spots on her sofas, and, to her infinite sur 
 prise, held his hands for a moment over them, when they rapidly 
 disappeared, as if they had been sublimed by a heated iron. See 
 ing her astonishment, he said, quietly, that " it was very easy to 
 remove such stains," and then proceeded to obliterate those upon 
 her carpet; and having done so, he again seated himself on a 
 lounge near to her, and asked her if he could in any way be use 
 ful to her. He had risen wonderfully in the lady s estimation, 
 by his skill in the way of spots, and she thought, " He is, without 
 doubt, a very sensible man ;" so readily do we change our minds, 
 when we are conciliated in the way which best suits us. 
 
 Mrs. Smith asked him " Whether there did not exist lamps 
 which never went out ; that she had read of such things as hav 
 ing been once known; and if they really existed, there was no 
 thing she possessed that she would not give to procure them." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black looked at her with a fixed and admir 
 ing gaze, which lighted up his eyes till they shone like diamonds ; 
 and then, casting his looks upon the carpet, he seemed lost in 
 thought. The lady, it must be told, in this most truthful of all 
 narratives, was a little flattered by the impression she had made 
 upon this gentleman, and saw, with secret satisfaction, the strug 
 gle with which he was recovering his senses. He soon, however, 
 found himself able to look up, and, with his usual benignity of 
 smile, said: "It is, indeed, related, that such lamps have been 
 once known, but they were only used in tombs, and the light 
 was at best but sepulchral, and entirely unsuited to your saloons ; 
 moreover, tis said, they are at once extinguished by the in 
 troduction of the open air;" and then, rising with an air of dis 
 tinguished courtesy, he begged her to walk to the mirror at the 
 end of the room, in which the lady had so recently seen herself, 
 saying, " I will show you some of the methods of illumination 
 which have been adopted by the circles of good society in other 
 countries and in other times." 
 
 " Indeed !" said Mrs. Smith ; " and how can you do this ?" 
 
 " It is very readily done," he replied, " by those who understand 
 the process." So saying, they walked towards the mirror, which 
 was one plate of glass, reaching from near the ceiling to the floor, 
 
32 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 standing between the windows, unobscured by the drapery, 
 which was hanging loose from the rings. The Gentleman in 
 Black placed Mrs. Smith in front of the glass, and again his whole 
 soul was flashing in his face, as he gazed upon her beauty. She 
 saw it, and saw, too, that there she stood alone; there was no re 
 flection of the gentleman beside her. She looked her surprise ; 
 but he said, " It is never my wish to come in contrast with such 
 loveliness!" The lady smiled her acknowledgments, and now 
 thought, " He is really a very sensible man." The Gentleman in 
 Black then bowing, stepped before her, and breathed upon the 
 mirror, which suddenly became obscured as with a vapor, which, 
 however, instantly disappeared. 
 
 As the vapor cleared away from the face of the mirror, Mrs. 
 Smith found herself, as it were, looking directly into a long sa 
 loon, most splendidly furnished. There stood costly tables of 
 cedar, with pillars of ivory supporting their massive orbs. In 
 one, the wood was like the beautiful coat of a panther; in a se 
 cond, the spots being more regular and close, imitated the tail of 
 the peacock ; and in a third, it resembled the luxuriant and tan 
 gled leaves of the apium, each of them more beautiful and valua 
 ble than the other. On the side-boards, which stood around the 
 walls, were displayed gold and silver plate ; amber vessels, in one 
 of which was a bee, and in another an ant had found its transpa 
 rent tomb ; beakers of the most antique shape, to which the 
 names of their former possessers gave them value and historical 
 importance; and vessels of Corinthian bronze, whose worn han 
 dles announced their antiquity, together with two large golden 
 drinking-cups, on one of which were engraved the scenes of the 
 Iliad, and on the other, those of the Odyssey. Beside these, 
 were smaller beakers and bowls, composed of precious stones, 
 either made of one piece, and adorned with reliefs, or of several 
 cameos united by settings of gold. 
 
 The lady gazed with intense admiration, and begged to know 
 what scene was this before her. The Gentleman in Black re 
 plied, that it was a saloon in the house of GALLUS, one of the 
 courtiers of Augustus, in Rome. The workmanship and wood 
 of these tables were so infinitely superior to anything she had 
 seen, that she inquired of the Gentleman in Black, if they were 
 indeed of wood. He answered that they were, and that the price 
 of them was enormous ; and pointing to one, he invited her to 
 examine it, adding, that for a table of the same description, Cicero 
 had given a million of sesterces.* 
 
 * Sesterces are usually reckoned at l^d. 
 
SCENE IN ROME. Od 
 
 " And pray," said the lady, " and how much would that be in 
 dollars and cents ?" 
 
 " About twenty thousand dollars." 
 
 The lady looked incredulously at the Gentleman in Black. 
 He saw it, and said : 
 
 " The splendor of these mansions is certainly very great, but 
 then they are the plunder of the world. This Gallus was en 
 riched by the spoils of Egypt, of which he was once the su 
 preme governor. But wait ; I will show you yet more of this 
 house." 
 
 Again he breathed on the mirror, and the scene changed. 
 Around a table, covered with cedar wood, stood dinner-couches 
 of bronze, inlaid with tortoise-shell, the lower part decked with 
 white hangings embroidered with gold, and the pillows stuffed 
 with the softest wool. Upon these seats, cushions, covered with 
 silken stuff, were laid, to separate the places of the guests. There 
 were reclining at the Triclinium,* six gentlemen in splendid dress 
 es, whose togas were woven of the whitest and softest Milesian 
 wool, and worn over the left shoulder, so as to fall far below the 
 knee, and covered with its folds, which gradually became more 
 wide, the whole arm down to the hand. The right arm remained 
 at liberty, as the voluminous garment was passed, at its broadest 
 part, under the arm, and then brought forward in front. The 
 folds were arranged in an ingenious fashion, being laid obliquely 
 across the breast, so that the well-rounded sinus^ almost reached 
 the knee, and the lower half ended below the knee, while the re 
 maining portion was thrown on the left shoulder, and hung down 
 on the arm in a mass of broad and regular folds. The hair of 
 these Romans was dressed with care, and arranged in elegant 
 locks, which were perfumed with cassia, narde and balsams. The 
 lady remarked this, and the Gentleman in Black said the costli 
 ness and the amount which was used by these gentlemen of these 
 precious unguents, were trifling in comparison with what was con 
 sumed by the ladies of those days. 
 
 It appeared that the guests had been but recently seated, as 
 slaves were in the act of taking off the sandals of each, and of 
 fering them water in silver bowls for their ablutions, at the same 
 time the slaves were entering with trays, on which were the 
 dishes composing the first course. In the centre of the plateau, 
 ornamented with tortoise-shell, stood an ass of bronze, on either 
 side of which hung silver panniers, filled with white and black 
 olives ; on the back of the beast sat a Silenus, from whose skin 
 
 * Triclinium so called because three couches were spread around the table, 
 for the guests to recline upon. 
 
 j- Sinus the folds of the toga falling in front. 
 3 
 
34 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 the most delicious sauce flowed upon the breast of the hog, a 
 favorite dish in those days. Near this, on two silver gridirons, 
 delicately-dressed sausages, beneath which Syrian plums, mixed 
 with the seed of the pomegranate, presented the appearance of 
 glowing coals. Around stood silver dishes, containing asparagus, 
 radishes, and other productions of the garden, flavored with mint 
 and rue, and with Byzantine muria, and dressed with snails and 
 oysters, while fresh ones in abundance were handed about. The 
 guests proceeded to help themselves to what each, according to 
 his taste, considered the best incentive of an appetite. At the 
 same time, slaves carried about, in golden goblets, the mulsum, 
 composed of Hymettian honey and Falernian wines. 
 
 They were still occupied in tasting the several delicacies, when 
 a second and smaller tray was brought in, and placed in a vacant 
 spot within the first, to which it did not yield in point of singu 
 larity. In an elegant basket sat a hen, ingeniously carved out of 
 wood, with outspread wings, as if she were brooding. Straight 
 way entered two slaves, who began searching the chaff which 
 filled the basket, and taking out some eggs, distributed them among 
 the guests. These eggs, on being broken, were found to be made 
 of dough, and that a fat fig-pecker was hidden in the yolk, which 
 was seasoned with pepper. Many jokes were made, and while 
 the guests were eating the mysterious eggs, the slaves again pre 
 sented the honey-wine. When no one desired more, a sign was 
 given ; the slaves removed the gustatorium.* 
 
 " And is this a Roman banquet? It seems to me a dejeuner-a- 
 la-fourchette" remarked the lady. 
 
 The face of the Gentleman in Black wore a smile which per 
 plexed the lady not a little, while he replied : " These gentlemen, 
 with all their refinement, have never felt the need of forks. With 
 them it is as with the vulgar of our own days, fingers before 
 forks. " Mrs. Smith expressed also her surprise at seeing the 
 guests wiping their fingers with bits of bread ; but the Gentleman 
 in Black assured her that napkins were of a modern invention, 
 and that at the present day among the Persians, the same method 
 of cleaning the fingers that she saw, was still practised. 
 
 A slave now wiped the table with a purple cloth of coarse linen, 
 and two Ethiopians again handed water for washing the hands. 
 Boys, wearing green garlands, then brought in two well-gypsumed 
 amphorse, with a label hanging round them, whereon might be 
 read, written in ancient characters, the consul for the year when 
 the wine was bottled. These vessels were carefully cleaned of 
 the gypsum and the corks extricated; the wine was then cautiously 
 
 * Gustatorium consisted of dishes designed to excite the appetite. 
 
A ROMAN FEAST. * 35 
 
 poured into the silver sieve, which was placed ready to receive 
 it, which was again filled with fresh snow, and then mixed accord 
 ing to the master s directions, in the richly embossed vase, and, 
 dipping a golden ladle therein, filled the amethyst-colored glasses, 
 which were distributed among the guests by the rest of the boys. 
 
 This operation was scarcely finished, before a new tray was 
 placed on the table, containing the first course of the banquet, 
 which, however, by no means seemed to answer the expectations 
 of the guests. A circle of small dishes, covered with such meats 
 as were to be met with only at the tables of plebeians, was ranged 
 around a slip of natural turf, on which lay a honey-comb. A 
 slave carried round bread in a silver basket, and the guests were 
 preparing, although with evident vexation, to help themselves to 
 chick-peas and small fish, when, at a sign given by the host, two 
 slaves hurried forward and took off the upper part of the tray, 
 under which a number of dishes, presenting a rich selection of 
 dainties, were concealed. These were ring-doves and field-fares, 
 capons and ducks, mullets of three pounds weight, and turbot, 
 and in the centre a fatted hare, which by means of artificial wings 
 was changed into a Pegasus. The Gentleman in Black remarked 
 that mullet was one of the favorite and most expensive of fishes, 
 increasing in value according to the size, one weighing six pounds 
 having been sold for eight thousand sesterces.* 
 
 " Dear me !" said the lady ; " what would these folks say to such 
 a supper as mine !" 
 
 On the disappearance of the first course, much conversation 
 seemed to be kept up by the party. But no long interval was 
 allowed for talking ; for four slaves soon entered, bearing the se 
 cond course, which consisted of a huge boar, surrounded with 
 eight sucking pigs, made of sweet paste by the baker, and surpris 
 ingly like real ones. On the tusks of the boar hung little bas 
 kets, woven of palm twigs, and Syrian and Theban dates. A 
 carver, resembling a jfiger in full costume, now approached the 
 table, and with an immense knife commenced cutting up the boar. 
 In the mean time the boys handed the dates, and gave to each 
 guests one of the pigs as apophoreta.\ On a given signal, the 
 slaves produced, to the astonishment of the company, a fresh 
 ferculem, which contained a vast swine, cooked exactly like the 
 boar, which looked as if the cook had forgotten to disembowel 
 the animal. The cook appeared, with a troubled mien, and seizing 
 a knife, and having carefully slit it open on both sides, gave a sud 
 den jerk, when, to the agreeable surprise of the guests, a quantity 
 of little sausages of all kinds tumbled out. 
 
 * 8000 sesterces, about $120. 
 
 f Apophoreta were gifts taken home by the guests. 
 
36 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 % 
 
 The lady looked at the Gentleman in Black with some surprise, 
 and said: " You do not mean that I should believe that this is a 
 true representation of a Roman banquet ?" 
 
 " Certainly I do," he replied, " and is, in all particulars, sus 
 tained by the best authorities in Roman literature ; it is the re 
 production of Professor Becker, one of the ripest scholars of 
 Germany." 
 
 " Indeed !" said the lady ; " I was fearful it was a work of magic 
 and the black arts." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black looked for a moment somewhat dis 
 turbed, and said he was surprised that a lady of her fine sense 
 should believe in the existence of any such agencies, which igno 
 rance had attributed to learning treasured up in black-letter books, 
 the type once adopted in England, and still used by the Ger 
 mans. 
 
 " And is that the origin of the phrase black art? I am very 
 much obliged to you for correcting me in so vulgar an error," 
 said the lady. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black smiled very graciously, and observed, 
 " that everything wore the aspect of magic to the ignorant, and 
 that even Faust s Bibles had once been attributed to the devil, 
 who, it was universally believed, was no great friend to the Bible 
 Society, and could hardly be thought to favor the circulation of 
 a book which spoke so slightingly of himself. But, my dear 
 Madam, in this age of enlightenment, \vhen the wonders of Mes 
 merism are revealing the scenes of the worlds above and around 
 us, and when the revelations of Svvedenborg have so many to 
 believe them, can it be at all wonderful that the power of reviving 
 the scenes of a past age is also attainable ?" 
 
 Mrs. Smith said, " Nothing could be more probable : I have 
 myself seen clairvoyants, whose perceptions transcended all 
 powers of conception, and have witnessed water and rings mag 
 netized by being breathed upon ; but I have never before seen a 
 mirror magnetized ;" and she renewed her expressions of satis 
 faction with the scenes she had witnessed. 
 
 " But," said she, looking very earnestly at the Gentleman in 
 Black, " must I believe that all I have heard and read of magic 
 and alchemy are to be classed as vulgar errors?" 
 
 " Certainly not. There is no subject which has so long and 
 constantly occupied the thoughts of men as alchemy and its cor 
 relatives. Volumes have been exhausted in its investigation, and 
 in teaching the true methods of attaining its power over the 
 worlds of the Seen and the Unseen the worlds of Matter^and of 
 Spirit. I had supposed, in using the term Black Art, yclfe had 
 
OF ASTROLOGY, ETC. 37 
 
 reference to the common and vulgar idea usually conveyed by 
 such an expression." 
 
 " To be honest, I may have used the term with no very pre 
 cise meaning; but I feel interested to know what there may have 
 been included in the terms alchemy and magic, especially of 
 magic, of which we have so many glimpses, even in the Scrip 
 tures. Will you not gratify me, by telling where these impres 
 sions originated, and with whom ?" 
 
 " Won t you be seated ?" said the Gentleman in Black, rolling 
 up a lounge before the mirror. Mrs. Smith thanked the Gentle 
 man in Black for his consideration of her comfort, and said she 
 could watch the mirror while she listened to him, which she 
 should do with unfeigned gratification. 
 
 Whereupon the Gentleman in Black expressed his high sense 
 of her courtesy, and took a seat on the other end of the sofa. 
 
 Mrs. Smith inquired, " What do you call the correlatives of 
 alchemy ?" 
 
 " These are Astrology, Magic and Divination. Man, from the 
 earliest times, has been seeking to solve the enigmas of Life ; to 
 penetrate the veil which separates him from the Invisible and the 
 Future. And though the great masses have been content with 
 things as they find them, yet the gifted few have felt themselves 
 imprisoned by the Apparent, and sought by all means to reach 
 the Real and the Absolute." 
 
 " But are not all such pursuits worthless and vain ?" 
 
 " By no means. There have been constantly recurring, in the 
 history of man, phenomena, which, had they been carefully ob 
 served, would have solved many doubts which now rest, as clouds 
 and darkness, on all Such subjects of human hopes and desires. 
 Lord Bacon has said, Men ought to put nature to the torture, 
 and so reproduce those phenomena which have been by the 
 ignorant regarded as the monstrosities of nature ; and had such a 
 course been adopted, we should not now be groping in the dark, 
 but, catching at the threads which have thus from time to time 
 been offered them, men of science would have successfully tra 
 velled and explored all the dark labyrinths of their being." 
 
 " Ah ! I wish they had done so," said Mrs. Smith, " instead of 
 soaring into the clouds and stars, as they have done." 
 
 " As man," replied the Gentleman in Black, " in the progress 
 of time lost the knowledge of GOD, he naturally deified those ob 
 jects of sense which were to him the sources of the greatest bless 
 ings ; hence the worship of the sun, moon, and stars, and as a 
 necessary result, the science of astrology. Sir William Jones 
 tells us, The characters of all pagan deities melt into each other, 
 and at last into one or two ; the whole crowd of gods and god- 
 
38 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 desses of ancient Rome and Hindostan, mean only the powers of 
 nature ; and the higher are our researches into the mythology of 
 the past, the purer are the thoughts found of GOD, and the more 
 certain it is that all religious ideas spring from one and the same 
 fountain. The highest form of Braminism presents the idea of 
 GOD as the Omnipresent Being in all its purity, eternity, spirit 
 uality and beatitude. He is called Bram Atma * the breathing 
 soul." 1 The East was the cradle of all these sciences, as of all 
 religions. The mythology of the East was transferred to Egypt, 
 and as has been shown most conclusively by the labors of Sir 
 George Wilkinson, it was transplanted from Egypt into Greece. 
 The Orphic Hymns are found to contain the same idea of GOD, 
 creating all things and subsisting in all things, and of a Trinity." 
 
 " A Trinity of Gods ! why I thought this was a discovery 
 made by St. Augustine." 
 
 "No, madam. Orpheus declares expressly, * All things were 
 made by a coe ssential and consubstantial Trinity. * This science 
 of astrology took its rise on the plains of Chaldea, and is usually 
 divided into natural and judicial astrology. Natural astrology 
 was advocated by Sir Robert Boyle ; who held that all physical 
 bodies are influenced by the heavenly bodies ; an idea which is 
 still perpetuated in some of our almanacs, which contain a picture 
 of a man, surrounded by the signs of the zodiac." 
 
 " Yes," said Mrs. Smith, " I have often seen them in my 
 childhood, and been puzzled to guess what they could mean." 
 
 "These signs were called the Houses of the Heavens, and 
 used to be explained by the following lines, which have long 
 since fallen into disuse : 
 
 "THE first house shows life, the second wealth doth give; 
 The third how brethren, fourth how parents live 5 
 Issue the fifth; the sixth diseases bring; 
 The seventh wedlock, and the eighth death s sting; 
 The ninth religion; the tenth honor shows; 
 Friendship the eleventh, and the twelfth our woes. 
 
 " The obligations of astronomical science to the study of as 
 trology have always been acknowledged. The angles and aspects 
 of the planets were noted, and their climacterics, as they were 
 styled, carefully watched ; and this is a phrase still in vogue, 
 when we speak of the climacterics of life; the first of these 
 was the seventh year, and from 21 by multiples, as 21. 49. 56. 
 63 and 84. The last two of which are still styled the grand cli 
 macterics of man." 
 
 * CUDWORTH, vol. ii., p. 92. 
 
OF MAGICAL ARTS. 39 
 
 "And is there nothing in this?" inquired Mrs. Smith. "I had 
 supposed there was; and is this another of my vulgar errors?" 
 
 " I believe there is no reason to believe the recurrence of these 
 years are more fatal than any other," replied the Gentleman in 
 Black ; " your opinion is one of great antiquity, and Aulus Gellius 
 says it was borrowed from the Chaldeans, who possibly might 
 have received it from Pythagoras, whose philosophy turned on 
 these coincidences of numbers, and who imagined an extraordinary 
 virtue in the number seven. And to show how true is the saying 
 of Dugald Stewart, that * opinions are like tunes of a barrel organ, 
 which are, after the lapse of centuries, ever recurring, it is upon 
 these coincidences of numbers and the harmonies of the musical 
 scale, presumed to have been discovered and elaborated by FOU 
 RIER, that we have, in our days, all the mysteries of man and 
 society developed to the wonder and admiration of his followers. 
 But to satisfy you in what good society you are, in your belief of 
 the reality of climacterics, let me tell you, that Plato, Cicero, 
 Salmasius, St. Augustine, St. Ambrose, and Boethius, are all of 
 the same opinion !" 
 
 " I arn much obliged to yon, sir, for restoring me to my self- 
 complacency," said Mrs. Smith, smiling very kindly on the Gen 
 tleman in Black. " But tell me something of alchemy ?" The 
 Gentleman in Black bowed his acquiescence, and proceeded to say : 
 
 " The wish to obtain that which would obviate the evils of life, 
 and give man the wealth which is so slow to accumulate by the 
 sweat of the brow, doubtless gave rise to this science, falsely so 
 called. Scholars have had various opinions of its origin. Some 
 have said that Adam was the first of all alchemists. 
 
 "Don t you think," said Mrs. Smith, "the moderns have sur 
 passed these ancient alchemists ?" 
 
 " How ?" inquired the Gentleman in Black, with a look of 
 surprise. 
 
 " Why, our alchemists have effected the same objects by the 
 conversion of paper into gold." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black smiled his acknowledgments, and 
 said " it was indeed a conversion never dreamed of in their phi 
 losophy." 
 
 "You have told me nothing about magical arts" said Mrs. 
 Smith, with a smile; "can t you restore to me my belief that 
 they too are somewhere existent in the labyrinths of nature?" 
 
 " Magic and magical arts, jeplied the Gentleman in Black, 
 " have so wide a meaning, that I fear it would weary you if I 
 were to attempt to say half that could be told on a subject which 
 has exhausted the lives of so many devotees in all ages of the 
 world." 
 
40 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " But certainly magic has the sanction of the Scriptures for its 
 existence, and these, you know, are books believed by all Chris 
 tians to be inspired, and if so, must be true. Moses had all but 
 been outdone by those of Egypt." 
 
 " Yes, these magicians have been a stone of stumbling, and a 
 rock of offence in all ages ; and the opinion of St. Austin is, that 
 which is generally believed, that they were genuine miracles and 
 real imitations of those of Moses." The Gentleman in Black 
 continued : 
 
 " The word magic once carried along with it a very innocent, 
 and, indeed, a very laudable meaning; being used merely to 
 signify the study of wisdom ; but as men devoted themselves to 
 divination and sorcery, the term magic in time became odious, and 
 was only used to signify what you have just now called the black 
 arts; which were supposed to consist in dealing with the devil 
 and departed souls ; but this you will, of course, believe was the 
 war which ignorance always carries on against superior know 
 ledge." 
 
 44 Oh, certainly," said Mrs. Smith. " But when are we to 
 know what is true in all these studies, which have thus far been 
 so fruitless of results in the direction in which they have been 
 prosecuted?" 
 
 " When man shall have gone forward, in the progress of coming 
 centuries, to a right knowledge of the machinery of his own mind, 
 we may hope that the careful observance of all the occurring 
 idiosyncrasies of men, and the placing of nature on the rack of 
 scientific investigation, much that is obscure, and more that is now 
 unknown, will be discovered ; for, as Lord Bacon has well said, 
 1 As navigation was imperfect before the use of the compass, so 
 will many secrets of nature and art remain undiscovered, without 
 a more perfect knowledge of the understanding, its uses, and ways 
 of working. 
 
 "Lapse of centuries!" said Mrs. Smith. "I had thought the 
 world would come to an end after the next thousand years." 
 
 "And why?" 
 
 " Because the seventh of the series of thousands of years 
 would have then been completed. Is not this the universal be 
 lief?" 
 
 " It may be, but if so, it is an universal error." 
 
 " When will the world come to an end ?" 
 
 "I am not a diviner, astrologer, alchemist, or even a conjuror, 
 and therefore can t say; but if I were to take the liberty of the 
 country, I could guess." 
 
 " Well, as you guess !" 
 
THE ROMAN FEAST. 41 
 
 " When the last lump of coal shall have been consumed, and 
 the last nail is driven, it will be in good time to burn it up." 
 
 "Look!" exclaimed Mrs. Smith, whose attention was now 
 suddenly attracted to the ceiling and to a large silver hoop, on 
 which were ointment-bottles of silver and alabaster, silver garlands 
 with beautifully chiselled leaves, circlets, and other trifles, which 
 descended upon the table, and were shared as apophoreta among 
 the guests. In the mean time the dessert had been served, wherein 
 the baker gave a specimen of his skill. In addition to innumerable 
 articles of pastry, there were artificial muscles, field-fares filled 
 with dried grapes and almonds, and many other things of the 
 same kind. In the middle stood a well-modelled Vertumnus, 
 who held in his apron a great variety of fruits. Around lay 
 sweet quinces stuck full of almonds, and having the appearance 
 of sea-urchins, with melons cut in various shapes. While the 
 party was praising the fancy of the baker, a slave handed round 
 tooth-picks, made of the leaves of the mastich-pistacho ; and the 
 host invited the guests to assist themselves to the confectionary 
 and fruits with which the god was loaded. The guests seemed 
 astonished by the gifts of Vertumnus at this season, for it was 
 now December, when one of them stretched across the table and 
 seized the inviting apples and grapes, but drew back in affright, 
 when, as he touched them, a stream of saffron discharged from 
 the fruit, besprinkling his hand. The merriment became general, 
 when several of the guests attempted cautiously to help them 
 selves to the mysterious fruit, and each time a red hot stream 
 shot forth. And now two musicians with flutes entered the 
 saloon, accompanied by a young and surprisingly beautiful dan- 
 sense. The circles of couches were extended, and she advanced 
 to the side which was thus opened. A boy took the cithara, and 
 struck the strings to the accompaniment of the flutes. The 
 cithara then ceased to be played upon, and the maiden took some 
 hoops, and as she danced to the flutes, whirled them into the air, 
 and caught them one after the other as they fell, with remarkable 
 skill. More and more hoops were handed to her, till a whole 
 dozen were hovering aloft betwixt her hands and the hall-ceiling ; 
 and the grace of her movements, together with the dexterity she 
 evinced, elicited the applause of the spectators : a large hoop was 
 now brought in, set all around with pointed knives. It was 
 placed upon the ground. The damsel recommenced dancing, and 
 threw a summersault right into the centre of the hoop, and then 
 out again, repeating this feat repeatedly. Mrs. Smith became so 
 excited, lest the lovely creature should by accident be injured, 
 that she cried out, covering her eyes with her hands : 
 
 " It is too much ! I can t endure it longer !" 
 
42 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black smiled, and said" it was rather a tame 
 sight after all, to the ladies and gentlemen of Rome, who were 
 accustomed to witness the dreadful conflicts of the gladiators, 
 struggling for life in the arena of the Coliseum ; and that he had 
 seen lovely ladies with their betting-tablets opened before them, 
 gazing with delight as their chances of winning increased, and 
 inflamed with anger when they saw the wounded wretch upon 
 whom their bets were pending, turning his beseeching look to 
 ward the audience, while his antagonist waited for the signal to 
 determine whether he should die or live ; and then the pretty 
 hands of these fair ladies, with their thumbs turned down, were 
 as numerous as those with their thumbs upturned ; and yet the 
 turning of them decided a question of life and death." 
 
 " I am sure," said Mrs. Smith, " the world is very much better 
 now than it was in those days, though now it may be sometimes 
 true, * that rogues must hang that jury-men may dine. : 
 
 " Undoubtedly," said the Gentleman in Black, with earnestness ; 
 " there never existed a society so innocent and pure as that which 
 graces the circles of Babylon the Less, and which I have had the 
 pleasure to meet in your mansion this evening." 
 
 Mrs. Smith sighed, thinking that this was rather overstrained, 
 and the Gentleman in Black, to qualify his language, said, that 
 " doubtless there were some exceptions, but then there were spots 
 on the sun." 
 
 The mention of the word "spots" induced Mrs. Smith to cast 
 an anxious look around her rooms, to see if the spots on her 
 splendid sofas were still there, and she was relieved to find they 
 had all disappeared. The amiable Gentleman in Black said " his 
 especial object in mesmerizing the mirror," and he slightly 
 smiled as he spoke, " was to show her the methods of illumina 
 tion adopted by the Romans:" and breathing once more upon the 
 face of the glass, the mirror now presented the sight of another 
 saloon in which the lamps were lighted, and which hung from the 
 marble panels of the room. Upon the polished table, between 
 the tapestried couches, stood an elegant candelabrum, in the form 
 of a stem of a tree, from the winterly and almost leafless branches 
 of which four two-flamed lamps, emulating each other in beauty 
 of shape, were suspended. Olher lamps were liung by chains 
 from the ceiling, which was richly gilt and inlaid with ivory, 
 in order to expel the darkness of night from all parts of the 
 saloon. A number of costly goblets and larger vessels were ar 
 ranged on two side-boards, and on one of them a slave was just 
 placing another vessel filled with snow, together with its sieve, 
 and on the other was the steaming caldarium,* containing water 
 * Caldarium a vessel <br heating water. 
 
THE ROMAN FEAST. 43 
 
 kept constantly boiling by the coals in its inner cylinder, in case 
 any of the guests should prefer the calda, the drink of winter, to 
 the snow-drink. 
 
 By degrees the same guests came in and took their places in 
 the same order as before on the triclinium. On a signal from 
 the host, a slave placed upon the table the dice-board, of terebin- 
 thus wood, the four dice, made from the knuckles of gazelles, 
 and the ivory turret-shaped dice-box. Slaves at the same time 
 brought chaplets of dark green ivy and of blooming roses, which 
 were selected and worn by the guests. 
 
 " And did these Romans so soon commence gaming ?" asked 
 Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " No, madam," replied the Gentleman in Black ; " they are now 
 about to throw the dice to decide who shall be the king for the 
 night, whose duty it is to decide how much water shall be mixed 
 with the wine about to be drank ; for though those were not the 
 days of temperance societies, yet there were then no such mix 
 tures and distillations as are now used ; and though Anacreon 
 sang of wine and its inspirations, it was not unmixed with water." 
 
 Mrs. Smith s attention was fixed on the lamps, and the degree 
 of light obtained from them. There seemed no lack of skill and 
 invention in giving grace to their forms, yet they were nothing 
 more than vessels containing oil, out of the end of which came a 
 wick which was lighted ; the consequence was that the beautiful 
 ceiling soon became obscured and blackened, and the guests 
 showed evidently that their breathing was oppressed with smoke. 
 She admired the beauty of the candelabrums, but these gave no 
 light, and in no way relieved the anxiety she felt on the subject 
 of " lamps which never would burn dim." She observed the slaves 
 whose duty it was to pick up the wicks and trim the lamps, and 
 which, with this constant watching, were but poor contrivances, 
 even when compared to the most common lamp she had in use 
 on that evening. She asked the Gentleman in Black " if this was 
 the best method of illumination then known ?" He replied " that 
 tallow and wax were both used, but that the methods of making 
 them were so imperfect that they were never used in the palaces 
 of the great ; indeed they were but rushes smeared over with wax 
 or tallow." 
 
 The guests were in the midst of their cups, when the Gentle 
 man in Black advanced and gave a long expiration, which suf 
 fused the face of the mirror with vapor for a moment or more, 
 and turning around to Mrs. Smith, said : " If I were not fearful 
 of wearying you, I would show you other scenes, and of a later 
 age." 
 
 "I beg you will," said the lady. 
 
44 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 Scene in Mr. Smith s library The library described The Gentleman mag 
 netizes a glass of wine for Mrs. Smith Colloquy upon the party Mrs. 
 Smith relates the visit of Mrs. Tripp and her daughter Adela The in 
 trigues of fashionable life Of Mrs. Smith s concert during the evening 
 Adela Tripp s singing ; its effect upon Mr. Winterbottom The Gentleman s 
 opinion on the ladies fashions ; the origin of the present dress relates an 
 anecdote of Mr. Jefferson s levee Criticism of the Gentleman upon ser 
 mons Sir Robert Boyle s meditations cited Of eating oysters raw. 
 
 THE mirror cleared up but partially, and the images appeared 
 dimly on its surface. The Gentleman in Black said, " he regret 
 ted to state, that his ability to magnetize the glass had been some 
 what exhausted, but if Mrs. Smith would be pleased to wait a 
 little, he should soon recover his power to do so." 
 
 " Certainly," said Mrs. Smith ; " will you not take a glass of 
 wine ?" 
 
 The Gentleman in Black bowed acquiescence. 
 
 "Walk into the library," said Mrs. Smith; " I think we shall 
 find some there." So saying she led the way to the library, a 
 large room opening into the saloon, and which was admirably 
 fitted up; the rich carved cases of oak were filled with shelves 
 loaded with books, and ornamented with the busts of those whose 
 works were living beneath them. 
 
 As he entered, the Gentleman in Black stood surprised at the 
 size of the room, which was lighted by lustres, and had been 
 used during the evening for card-playing. On the long table in 
 the centre were some bottles of wine and goblets. After care 
 fully scanning the shelves, he seated himself on one of the luxu 
 rious lounges near the table, and said, in a low tone, as if to him 
 self: " Agreeable to nature, and according to art." The quick ear 
 of the lady caught the words, and she begged the gentleman to 
 tell her what they meant. 
 
 " My dear madam," he replied, "that is a question much more 
 easy to ask than to answer. I saw them for the first time on the 
 sign of a shoer of horses in the metropolis. It struck me as 
 somewhat enigmatical, as applied to shoeing horses, but when 
 applied to your books, it may be interpreted, The heaviest at the 
 bottom and the lightest at the top ; which is as natural as the 
 froth upon a can of beer. Lord Bacon has said, The tendency 
 
MR. SMITH S LIBRARY. 45 
 
 of works of worth is to sink in the flood of time which bears up 
 only that which is trivial and worthless. " 
 
 44 I was not aware, sir, that any such profound considerations 
 lay hid in the remark which seemed to me at first somewhat dis 
 paraging ; but I presume what you say is all very true." 
 
 " Where could you have found these books ?" inquired the Gen 
 tleman in Black. "They stand here arrayed like contending 
 armies ; and, madam, if they should ever fall to loggerheads, the 
 conflict would be more direful than the battle of books de 
 scribed by Dean Swift; for then it was for the right of property; 
 but this would be what Mr. Canning so greatly deprecated as the 
 4 war of opinion. Here," said he, pointing to the right side of 
 the room, " are the Fathers and Doctors of the Catholic Church: 
 and here," going up to the cases, and running his hand over a se 
 ries of folios and quartos, "is the Macedonian phalanx of English 
 divines ;" reading at the same time, the names of Baxter, Bun- 
 yan, Howe, Flavel, and other great names of the Puritans, add 
 ing, in a tone almost a whisper, " There were giants in the land 
 in those days." 
 
 44 My dear sir," said Mrs. Smith, " I do not know any of them, 
 for I never opened a single volume. We had this room to fur 
 nish, and an agent of my husband was in Spain when some mo 
 nasteries were suppressed, and as he was authorized to purchase 
 books for us, he bought the entire library ; and on his return to 
 England, finding a library about tio be sold of a distinguished En 
 glish scholar and divine, he made a similar purchase, and sent 
 them over, and they have been but recently received and placed 
 on the shelves. Coming from such sources, I presumed that they 
 were all most respectable and learned authors. They are cer 
 tainly very antiquated and imposing in the outward appearance, 
 and very fitting for a place in our library. Will you not take a 
 glass of wine ?" said Mrs. Smith, going to the table and filling a 
 goblet. 
 
 44 With all pleasure, "said the Gentleman in Black, seating him 
 self again ; and pouring out another goblet full of wine, he con 
 tinued the conversation ; and while he did so, he held his fingers 
 on the goblet which he had filled, drawing them slowly down its 
 sides ; and continuing to do so, Mrs. Smith s attention was at 
 tracted to his hand, which was thin and sinewy, and his fingers 
 singularly long and slender, with nails beautifully formed, and 
 then, too, so very strong and long, that she could not but be sur 
 prised at their novelty, and which would have done honor to a 
 mandarin. After having finished these manipulations, he very 
 politely handed her the goblet, and taking up his own, said : 
 44 Shall I have the pleasure of drinking a glass of wine with you ?" 
 
46 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 Mrs. Smith, though no member of a Total Abstinence Society, 
 never drank wine, and was about to decline, but thinking that to 
 do so would not be courteous, carried the glass to her lips, and 
 sipping it, was surprised at the exquisite flavor of the wine ; and 
 unconsciously to herself, had drunk nearly half of the wine. The 
 Gentleman in Black begged her to finish the glass, and pushed it 
 toward her to the edge of the table ; she put forth her hand to 
 replace it on the table, and unexpectedly to herself the cup upset, 
 at which the Gentleman in Black looked at her inquiringly, and 
 with an air of surprise, at what was equally a matter of astonish 
 ment to herself. He offered to refill the glass, but she positively 
 declined, and so it was relinquished. She was surprised to find 
 the effects of the wine were so delightfully exhilarating: all the 
 trials and mortifications of the evening were lightened from her 
 heart ; she was buoyant and happy ; and though she had never 
 seen the Gentleman in Black before, she felt the most perfect and 
 unrestrained freedom in his presence. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black renewed the conversation by saying, 
 " He had been very much gratified during the evening by meeting 
 with so many of his friends, and somewhat amused by some of 
 the incidents which had come under his observation." 
 
 " Oh !" said Mrs. Smith, clapping her hands to her ears, " how 
 my ears burn ! I am sure I am at this very moment used up at 
 more firesides than one. How cosily my dear friends are now 
 sitting by their firesides discussing all the contre-temps of this 
 party of mine ; and some ready to cut my acquaintance for the 
 losses they have sustained ! How little of happiness there is, 
 after all, in giving or going to these great crowds ; and yet how 
 much of management there is in showing off fine dresses by some, 
 and fine girls by others ! 
 
 " Certainly," said the Gentleman in Black ; "but for the mo 
 tives presented by vanity or ambition, few would be willing to 
 meet all the sacrifices and expenses incident to these routs ; this 
 is especially true of ladies." 
 
 "All this is so new to me," said Mrs. Smith, " that I may not 
 as yet perfectly understand how all these motives are brought to 
 bear ; but in one case at least which occurred this evening, I was 
 let in behind the scenes, and compelled against my will, to enact 
 a part." 
 
 " Do let me hear," said the Gentleman in Black ; " for if it 
 be a pleasure to talk over a party by the several guests at their 
 firesides, it is no less so, certainly, at your own. It may be com 
 pared to making a survey of a battle-field after the contest is 
 over." 
 
 " Oh dear me ! I fear the sick and wounded are so many, and 
 
47 
 
 the laurels which have been so unexpectedly conferred, have come 
 in so questionable a shape, that few have retired satisfied with 
 their conquests ; the exception to the general discontent," con 
 tinued Mrs. Smith, "must, I am sure, be Mrs. Tripp and her 
 daughter. 
 
 " Some days after my invitations were out, Mrs. Tripp s car 
 riage stopped at my door. She sent up her card, and begged to 
 see me if possible that morning. Accordingly she was admitted. 
 Had she been the friend of ten years standing, I could not have 
 been greeted with more kindness and devotion. She had received 
 our card, was delighted with the pleasure of making my acquaint 
 ance, and would have called long since, but had just returned to 
 town ; had heard of me from several of her friends, and was 
 sure we should hereafter be the best of friends. She looked 
 curiously around my parlors, and begged me to show my rooms, 
 all which evidently surprised her by the costliness of their fitting 
 up. Having completed her survey, and returned to our seats, she 
 was profuse in her compliments at the taste and elegance, as 
 she was pleased to say, with which my rooms were furnished. 
 She seemed to me a very bustling busy-body, who could but ill 
 conceal her curiosity under the exterior of fine manners ; and 
 after saying some more of these agreeable nothings, she said, 
 with an air of the greatest frankness and affection, 
 
 " * Adela and Josephine would certainly do themselves the plea 
 sure of being present at my coming party, which she said would 
 (for she had been told so by everybody), combine all the fashion 
 of the city. Indeed, they felt the greatest interest in its success; 
 and Adela had actually been taking lessons every day for these 
 last two weeks of Mons. Gilbert, of some exquisite gems from 
 the new opera of Rossini, of which she had the only copies, and 
 which came by the last steamer ; they had never been sung in 
 Babylon ; and though she does n t say so, my dear Mrs. Smith, 
 yet I am sure she will sing them, if you should wish her to do so ; 
 she is such a good child ! Ah ! you must and will love her ; she s 
 so perfectly naive ; and without taking breath, the lady asked me, 
 * Which will be your music room, so that I may tell her the size 
 of it? Whereupon I showed her the room in which our musical 
 friends were assembled this evening. Oh ! it s just the thing ! 
 just the right size ! but coming up to me in a very winning way, 
 she said, Don t you think the drapery hurts the effect of the 
 voice ? I told her it did not occur to me ; but that my curtains 
 were up, and as they were necessary to complete the finish of 
 the room, they must remain. * Certainly, my dear ; certainly, 
 if they are fixtures, said Mrs. Tripp ; * but Adela is so particu 
 lar ; she has the greatest objection to any thing she hesitated, 
 
48 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 and changed the construction of her sentence by saying * which 
 looks like a show-off. You must tell her, my dear Mrs. Smith, 
 that there will be no attempt of the sort made won t you ? But 
 I m sure you will ; I need not say a word more ; but 
 
 " She paused, and I assured her * if Miss Adela would be will 
 ing to sing the pieces she had spoken of, no one would listen to 
 her with more pleasure than myself. My dear Mrs. Smith, you 
 are too kind, was her reply, which was said with an air so dis 
 trait that it was evident she was big with something she had as 
 yet concealed, and which was doubtless the object and purpose 
 of her call. Seeing I had nothing more to say, she opened her 
 budget, by repeating her last words : But may T make a single 
 inquiry ? and that is, have you Mr. Winterbottom on your list 
 of invited guests ? I told her I would look ; and so we re 
 turned to our seats once more ; and I then drew from my cabinet 
 my list, and told her his name was not included. 
 
 " Pardon me, if I say to you it would be a particular favor con 
 ferred upon me if you would send him a card. You know he is 
 a very interesting gentleman, and has recently inherited his father s 
 estate, which, I am told, is very large, and designs to occupy the 
 house now building on Twenty-fifth avenue a splendid house; 
 altogether he is a very attractive gentleman, and one who would 
 be missed ; and then leaning forward, she whispered as if almost 
 afraid to be overheard, * He is so fond of music ! 
 
 " I ventured to ask if he was a young man, and unmarried. 
 
 * This somewhat embarrassed the lady, who confessed he was 
 not so very young, and that he was unmarried ; indeed, he was 
 one who never would be ; no one had ever mistaken him for a 
 single man ; but you know that these gentlemen give a certain 
 interest to all such parties. 
 
 " Oh certainly, said I ; I will invite Mr. Winterbottom this 
 very day, and thank you for having named him to me. 
 
 " The great object of her visit being accomplished, Mrs. Tripp, 
 to show me how much she was my friend, did me the kindness 
 to tell me of the canvass which had been made by Mrs. Van Dam 
 and others, to exclude me from the recherche circles of Babylon. 
 These little arts she narrated with so much skill and address, 
 that I could not at once discern the malice with which she was 
 prompted, and which thus enabled her at any time to say to these 
 ladies that she had told me of these things to my face, and so 
 win for herself golden opinions in those very circles in which 
 she held herself in a doubtful position, and in which she might 
 perhaps secure her own footing the better, by aiding the Van 
 Dams and Van Tromps , in their zealous exertions to save the 
 purity of the circles of fashionable society from the unwelcome 
 
THE VAN TROMPS . 49 
 
 addition of such parvenus as myself and husband, whose success 
 in the accumulation of wealth they held was our only claim to 
 good society, and which gave good grounds for our ostracism. 
 I had been told of all these things before, for ill tidings never 
 need a herald, and was not, therefore, taken by surprise, by any 
 additional items of intelligence narrated with so much tact by 
 Mrs. Tripp. 
 
 " * Do think of it ! said this new-found friend of mine ; the 
 Van Tromps to claim a position on the score of their family, 
 when their grandfather cut candles years ago, at the corner of 
 Gold street, in a little grocery he kept there. 
 
 " Cut candles. my dear madam, I said; you are abso 
 lutely unintelligible. 
 
 " Why, my dear Mrs. Smith, I mean he really sold candles 
 worth a half-penny each by the halves ; and yet because, by some 
 lucky chance, he purchased some fifty acres of land up town, and 
 held on to it, they forsooth must now take it upon them to dis 
 cuss the expediency of rewarding success in trade, by any addi 
 tions to their circles from the class of dry goods merchants. Isn t 
 it altogether past endurance ? 
 
 " I told her whatever may have been the position of the Van 
 Tromps grandfather, I deemed them perfectly right in deciding 
 for themselves to whom they would extend the courtesies of so 
 ciety ; and that this was a right I should exercise, and never 
 should object to its application to myself. 
 
 " But, my dear madam, this caballing and intimidation of weak 
 women on all sides! What do you say to that? You don t jus 
 tify them in all this maneuvering? 
 
 " By no means, I replied ; I deem all such conduct dis 
 courteous and unjust. 
 
 " * Ah ! my dear madame, that s what I told Adela, when Mrs. 
 
 Van Tromp Here she hesitated, and I, guessing at what 
 
 was in her mind, quickly and in the most innocent manner, com 
 pleted the sentence, by saying, * declined sending Adela an invi 
 tation to her recent fancy-dress party. It was very provoking, 
 I m sure; and Madame Lafonde, the dress-maker, was very un 
 wise to show the dress she was making up for Adela, and saying 
 it was designed for her costume at that party. 
 
 " The eyes of Mrs. Tripp are naturally bright, but they now 
 flashed fire, for this was a new wrinkle in her forehead. 
 
 44 4 My dear Mrs. Smith, you do not tell me so ? 
 
 " 4 Oh yes, it was all the talk in Park-avenue, and twas thought 
 
 so very amusing to that clique, that the Van Tromps not only 
 
 determined to decline all your efforts to procure an invitation for 
 
 Adela, but Katrine Van Tromp, to make the matter the more con- 
 
 4 
 
50 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 spicuous, had the very dress which Adela had with so much 
 taste and expense projected, exactly copied, and wore it at that 
 very party. 
 
 " My dear madam, that explains it all. I could not conceive 
 how it was possible she could have hit upon a dress so like 
 Adela s as I heard it was. As to Lafonde, I will punish her for 
 her treachery. 
 
 " Oh, don t think of it, I replied, in the most affectionate and 
 sympathizing manner possible ; you know, dear Mrs. Tripp, 
 that in doing so you must confess your knowledge of this con 
 trivance, and so show your pain at its success. Adela would no 
 doubt have had her invitation but for the pleasure this poor 
 triumph afforded the Van Tromps and their cliques. 
 
 " To think of the absurdity of Katrine Van Tromp wearing a 
 dress which was only graceful on a girl like Adela ! I m sure 
 she must have appeared supremely ridiculous. 
 
 " Doubtless ; but then it gave her clique, during the evening, so 
 fine an opportunity of saying such witty speeches about wearing 
 Adela Tripp s plumage, that this reconciled her to any incon 
 gruity she may have felt; but this may have not been the case, 
 for we are never conscious of our own defects, you know. 
 
 " Now as a true friend, my dear Mrs. Tripp, let me beg of 
 you not to speak of this matter. Indeed, it will be very wrong 
 of you, because it was told to me in confidence, and I felt myself 
 only justified in speaking of this to you after all the kindness you 
 have been pleased to express in the success of my party; ar\d 
 besides, I am sure the Van Tromps will be gratified to witness the 
 pain they have inflicted, and this will be a new triumph over you 
 and Adela ; so I would never reveal to any one your acquaintance 
 with their management. Now, was not all this very amiable in 
 me?" inquired Mrs. Smith. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black smiled, and bowed his approbation. 
 Mrs. Smith continued : 
 
 " Poor Mrs. Tripp found she had for once had the coals of fire 
 she prides herself upon casting about with so much adroitness, 
 returned into her own bosom ; and unable to continue the con 
 versation without an exhibition of her feelings, and doubtless 
 soothed by the success of her visit to me, she regretted her call 
 could pot be prolonged, and took her leave, talking about Adela 
 and music to the very door, and making her last courtesy, disap 
 peared. 
 
 " Two days since she made her appearance once more ; said she 
 desired of all things for me to see her daughters, and duly in- 
 .troduced her Adela and Josephine. You saw them this evening ?" 
 
 " Certainly," replied the Gentleman in Black. 
 
ADELA TRIPP S VISIT. 51 
 
 " Do you not think them graceful and pretty ?" 
 
 " They are certainly so ; but to me they seemed to have man 
 ners made up to order, and their simplicity was far too simple 
 to he successful." 
 
 " The dear girls," said Mrs. Smith, " were very like their mo 
 ther, excessively pleased with all they saw ; told me everybody 
 was thinking of my party every one was expecting so much 
 enjoyment. And all this being over, there was that little by-play 
 between the mother and daughters, which told me their visit too 
 had its ultimate design ; for which I patiently waited the denoue 
 ment, in the most perverse silence. 
 
 " * Dear Mrs. Smith, I told Adela she must see your beautiful 
 rooms. 
 
 " * They are not in a condition to be seen, I replied quietly. 
 
 " * Ah ! I am so sorry ; but could we not see the music-room ? 
 
 " If it be an object of especial wish, certainly; but you will 
 excuse its condition, for I have just received one of Erard s 
 pianos. 
 
 " * An Erard ! indeed ! oh ! let me see it ! said Miss Adela. 
 
 " On reaching the room, the piano was the only object of inte 
 rest ; and so eager was Adela to hear its tones, that she begged 
 to be permitted to strike its keys ; and did so, while her sister 
 and mother stood anxiously by. It was evident that it was not 
 just the thing they could have wished ; and Adela whispered 
 aside to her mother, It s so loud and harsh ! My dear Mrs. 
 Smith, said the mother, where is the piano you had here when 
 I last had the pleasure of calling? 
 
 " It is removed to the manufacturer s. 
 
 " To be repaired ? 
 
 " No, to be sold. 
 
 " All hope of having an instrument suitable for the voice of the 
 gentle Adela was thus quieted. Mrs. Tripp begged Adela to 
 gratify me with one single song, which the young lady, after some 
 apparent hesitation, complied, and continued singing for an hour 
 or more, so that I had all the advantages of a rehearsal, which, 
 while it enabled me to judge of her singing powers, enabled her 
 to form an opinion of the piano and of the room in which she 
 was destined to win golden opinions, and which I cannot but be 
 lieve was the object of their visit. Now of all my guests, there 
 have been none this evening who have been so devoted in their 
 attentions. No sooner was the supper over, than the managing 
 mother came to ask me if we should not be favored with a little 
 music from some of the lovely and talented amateurs who thronged 
 my rooms ; and in this she was seconded by some other matrons, 
 and those useful gentlemen who are always on hand to draw forth 
 
52 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 their daughters upon such occasions, and who were earnest in 
 saying how delightful it would be. 
 
 " I was, however, engaged to commence the dancing with Lieu 
 tenant De Roos, of the Coldstream Guards, who had been pre 
 sented to me in great form by Mont Morris, as the member of 
 some noble family which I now forget, and who sought me to 
 fulfil my promise, which he did in a very agreeable manner, to 
 the great delight of the young ladies and their beaux, who thought 
 nothing half so fine as dancing; so, to the great regret of all 
 lovers of music, I led the way to the ball-room, and could only 
 assure Mrs. Tripp, that, as soon as I had set my young friends in 
 motion, I would rejoin her, which I was prompt to do. As is usual, 
 those who did not dance are either lookers-on of those who did, 
 or had sought this room to play cards ; so that the saloon pre 
 sented a rather thin aspect of but about fifty, mostly those whose 
 dancing days were over ; but bad as the prospect was, Mrs. Tripp 
 renewed her earnest entreaties that I would ask some of our mu 
 sical ladies to sing, and politely led me to several whom she said 
 were Malibrans in private life. These sweet ladies, some very 
 young and some very old, all had the usual number of colds and 
 catarrhs, and there seemed but little chance of a quiet concert, 
 notwithstanding all the opulence of talent, it was on all hands 
 acknowledged I was in the full possession of, distributed among 
 these very ladies. At length one of the young ladies, after hav 
 ing had sundry very severe and sour things whispered, as I pre 
 sumed by her mother, agreed to commence; and then it occurred 
 to me we were somewhat deficient in listeners. So, begging them 
 to go on, I set off to the ball-room to enlist as many as I could 
 find to take their share of the notes about to be issued, whose 
 value, like those of our banks, is rated by the circuit of their cir 
 culation. Here I met Wallis, who promised to aid me, and some 
 thirty were detached from the ball-room, which was indeed ex 
 cessively crowded, and where not one in ten of those who wished 
 to dance could hope to show off the beauty of their dresses or 
 the gracefulness of their steps ; and yet it was a hard task to get 
 them away. With these, therefore, I sought to make a com 
 mencement of my concert ; and when we entered the room, the 
 ladies were gathered in groups ; no one of them could be induced 
 to commence. The young lady I had hoped was in full voice, 
 on taking her seat at the piano, had raised a few faint notes, but 
 in consequence doubtless of the cutting saying of her too anxious 
 mother, had broken down after a few bars, and was weeping on 
 one of the sofas, which had a sensible tendency to render the 
 other mammas more cautious in their movements ; so, by a sort of 
 common consent, they all were waiting for my coming. 
 
THE CONCERT ROOM. 53 
 
 " I had then to find a young lady who would sing first. I would 
 have gone directly to Miss Adela, but her mother had met me in 
 the saloon, where she was awaiting my coming, and said Adela 
 begged not to be asked to sing first, as she feared she should sink 
 under the effort ; and I had promised not to do so. I entreated 
 a sweet girl, who certainly looked musical, but she feared she 
 had no voice ; her elder sisters urged in a quiet way their belief 
 that she would find it better than she feared ; but she really looked 
 so sweetly disconcerted that I could not press her, and she pro 
 mised by and by she would sing ; so I applied elsewhere. This 
 young lady could not sing alone, but would sing a duet if Miss 
 Gibson would sing with her; a search being made, Miss Gibson 
 was dancing, and could not come ; so this failed. Just then quite 
 a rush came into the room, and the looks of earnest interest they 
 manifested to see what was going on, made me direct my next 
 entreaties to Miss Adela, whom I found standing beside a gentle 
 man looking all of fifty ; a sober, quiet sensible man, whose arm 
 she held, talking to him with that sort of earnestness and air of 
 unconsciousness of all that is going on around her, which young 
 ladies sometimes wear as a mask to cover up their thoughts ; so 
 that when I addressed her with a request that she should favor 
 us with some one of her operatic gems, she gave quite a start, 
 and had I asked her to repeat the Ten Commandments, she would 
 not have appeared more surprised. 
 
 " * My dearest madam, you don t think it possible ! Indeed, 
 indeed, indeed I never sing ; only at home to my father and mo 
 ther, or to one or two very particular and kind friends ; do 1 ? 
 looking very tenderly, and appealing to Mr. Winterbottom. He 
 very frigidly, as I thought, expressed his hopes, his wishes, that 
 she should at once comply ; saying, Mrs. Smith must be weary of 
 all this pleading off by those whose talents were so well known. 
 
 " I thanked him for his aid, and Adela relented, and presented 
 her pretty hand it certainly was very pretty to Mr. Winter- 
 bottom, and giving him a soft pressure, which did not escape my 
 observation, saying at the instant to me, 4 To please you, I will 
 try; and so led Mr. Winterbottom, rather than being led by him, 
 to the piano. Her sister Josephine had anticipated her sister, 
 and was already seated on the stool to play the accompaniment." 
 
 " My dear madam," said the Gentleman in Black, breaking in 
 upon Mrs. Smith s narrative, " you should have been near me to 
 have witnessed the mischief just before set on foot by Wallis." 
 
 "Indeed ! what mischief? He is too amiable to do anything 
 very wicked." 
 
 " You shall hear how it was. While you were thus occupied 
 in your hopeless task of persuading those young ladies to sing, 
 
54 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 and all was hushed into the expectancy which you know always 
 precedes earthquakes and all such unusual outbreaks in nature, 
 and which have their types in all such musical in-gatherings, I 
 was standing with Wallis near the door, when in came Major 
 Brownlee, with his usually breezy way, with that tun of a lady, 
 who wore the blue satin dress and turban ; whose face would 
 have well matched the late Duchess of St. Albans. You will re 
 collect her ?" 
 
 " Oh yes, certainly ; go on, I am all impatience." 
 
 "Finding all hushed into perfect silence, the Major looked 
 amazingly mystified; and seeing Wallis, he came up, and in a 
 stage whisper, asked, What s going on here ? Wallis replied, 
 in the same whisper, and with a most grave aspect, * Mrs. Smith 
 has had a season of prayer, and now we are about, to sing ! 
 
 " A prayer-meeting ! the devil ! it s too hot here for me ! and 
 so saying, he wheeled off with the lady, who looked her astonish 
 ment. I followed them into the ball-room, where they spread 
 the news ; and twas this that brought in the rush of inquiring 
 faces you have just referred to." 
 
 " I am under infinite obligations to Wallis, truly," said Mrs. 
 Smith, "and shall not forget to acknowledge them. Adela 
 doubtless attributed it to the zeal of hearing her voice and a fine 
 voice it is ! Her slides I thought \vere perfect, and her trills 
 astounding ; and her throat played with a motion only surpassed 
 by a Canary bird s in the full tide of song; and when she came 
 to that sweet, and dying close, I felt as if I could say, If music 
 be the food of love sing on ! The encore was everything her 
 mother could wish, and she had the tact to decline a farther effort. 
 Her bolt had reached the mark to which her notes had winged it. 
 The face of Winterbottom for once brightened. Everybody 
 said, How beautiful! how transcendent! and how grace 
 ful! And I doubt not he thought What a fine voice Miss 
 Adela has, and what a fine thing it will be for me to have so fine 
 a lady in my fine house ! And on her part she may have 
 thought How gladly I would exchange my notes for yours T 
 But whatever may have been the thoughts of the parties in ques 
 tion, the grace with which Adela glided away from the piano, 
 and the modesty with which she received all congratulations, and 
 the look of gentle entreaty to Winterbottom to lead her away, 
 were all admirable. He was evidently flattered, and Adela s suc 
 cess doubtless induced some mothers to look anxiously to those 
 kind friends I have spoken of, who know how to be useful at 
 such times, and at least a dozen of those young ladies who had 
 been beyond all entreaty, already began to look diffident, and 
 commenced pulling at the fingers of their kid gloves ; when to 
 
OF THE POLKA. 55 
 
 their horror, as well as my own, a gentleman led that everlasting 
 cancatrice, Mrs. Offenheim, who put a new face on things by 
 bursting upon us with her famous bravura. Nothing could have 
 been more beautiful than the looks of interest with which Adela 
 now stood forward to admire and applaud. She had no fears of 
 rivalry, and then it was such an act of amability to suggest one 
 song after another, till the patience of all the pretty songsters was 
 worn out, and the company dispersed. Mrs. Tripp was truly 
 delighted ; all that tact and contrivance could accomplish had 
 been attained ; and Adela and Mr. Winterbottom took leave of 
 me at the same time. 
 
 " But what did you think of Miss Adela s singing?" inquired 
 Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " It was too artistical to suit me. A lady should sing as little 
 like an operatic artiste as she should dance like one, and should 
 be as far from wriggling her petticoats when singing, like Ma 
 dame Picot, as she would be of tossing them up when dancing 
 with the abandon of Mademoiselle Augusta." 
 
 " Do you think so ? I am glad to have my own impressions 
 sustained by your matured judgment." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black bowed his acknowledgments. 
 
 "Did you dance this evening?" inquired Mrs. Smith, in the 
 kindest manner. 
 
 " I never dance," said the Gentleman in Black, " owing to a 
 slight defect in my left ankle. I am, like Byron, compelled to 
 gaze on pleasures which I am left to envy and admire ;" but he 
 added with great fervency and emphasis, "I am always gratified 
 to set others dancing." 
 
 " Did you witness the Polka, as danced by those sweet girls in 
 blue silks with silver sprigs?" inquired Mrs. Smith; "I have 
 really forgotten their names, but their beauty was so distingue 
 that their forms are not so soon forgotten." 
 
 " I remarked them," replied the Gentleman in Black, "and the 
 dance was graceful and attractive enough, as any dance would be 
 so sweetly sustained; but I don t think it can be permanently at 
 tractive or graceful, unless the ladies will consent to wear dresses 
 of the required scantiness and length. It must be confined, there 
 fore, to fancy balls and the stage, where the suitable costumes can 
 be worn ; moreover, its effect depends so much on the air of co 
 quetry and romping to be assumed in it, that it is but travestied 
 as we see it danced in drawing-rooms." 
 
 " There is no dance," said Mrs. Smith, "like the waltz. How 
 fairy-like and graceful it can be made to appear I think we saw 
 in the person of Miss De Ligne, who followed me in waltzing 
 with De Roos. Did you see her?" 
 
56 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " Yes, truly ! I saw nothing but her amid all the group ; no 
 form was so faultless, no movement so perfect ; the features wore 
 the aspect of the sweetest serenity, while her feet moved with a 
 lightness which, had flowers been springing beneath her, would 
 but have bent their heads in homage of her loveliness !" 
 
 " My dear sir, you must, with all the other gentlemen, have 
 been entranced ! Indeed they all seemed willing to stand and 
 gaze, and no ladies were willing to adventure into the circle while 
 she was waltzing. I never saw such universal homage ; rendered 
 and won all unconsciously to herself. And her surprise at find 
 ing herself alone on the floor was so innocently expressed, and 
 the compliments paid her were received too in a manner so per 
 fectly quiet and maidenly, and without the slightest pretence, that 
 I was so charmed with her I could not refrain from kissing her 
 on the spot." 
 
 " An example, my dear madam, which for one I would gladly 
 have followed." 
 
 " No doubt, sir, and all the other gentlemen in long succession. 
 That would not have been so hard a task as that which followed, 
 of waltzing with those weighty ladies who next took the floor, 
 tasking the sinews of the unfortunates whose hard work it was 
 to heave them round. How can such figures and forms venture 
 into the giddy whirl of the waltz ? There was Jack Musard ready 
 to die of his toils in waltzing with Katrine Van Tromp !" 
 
 " You were speaking of our long dresses," continued Mrs. 
 Smith ; " don t you think they could be improved ?" 
 
 " Most certainly," replied the Gentleman in Black ; " by being 
 made shorter ; and they would be, if all had the pretty foot I see 
 peeping out of its concealment." 
 
 Mrs. Smith hastily withdrew it ; but soon after, as the con 
 versation proceeded, by the most natural movement in the world, 
 again gave it light and air. Like all pretty ladies so endowed, 
 she was unwilling it should be hid and it was certainly worth 
 the seeing ; it was so slender, with an instep so high, that when 
 walking on a light snow, only the ball and heel made their im 
 print on the pavement. 
 
 " It seems strange that our present fashion should be so en 
 during," said Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " My dear madam, you are little aware of the state policy which 
 has led to their adoption and perpetuity," replied the Gentleman 
 in Black. 
 
 " State policy ! What has the policy of states to do with our 
 dresses ?" 
 
 " It is telling cabinet secrets ; but as you desire it, I will reveal 
 to you some of the secrets of my prison-house ! 
 
LADIES FASHIONS OF THE PRESENT DAY. 57 
 
 " I beg you will do so." " He must be a diplomat !" thought 
 Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " You are doubtless aware that the fashions of the first circles 
 of London and Paris are determined by certain modistes, usually 
 men, aided by suggestions from the leaders of the ton. Some 
 years since, the state of the trade of France and England became 
 a subject of absorbing interest to the cabinets of Paris and Lon 
 don. The consumption did not meet the supply ; the operatives 
 were clamorous for food ; they must be fed; how, was a ques 
 tion which was long mooted. There was no possibility of in 
 creasing the number of consumers, and the only relief was to be 
 found in an increase of the goods consumed. At last an appeal 
 was made to the modistes of Paris, and Lady Blessington and 
 her Count D Orsay came to their aid, and to their inventive 
 genius and agency, ladies now owe their present fashions. It is 
 true their first go-off was not found graceful, and bishop s-sleeves 
 were soon voted only in good taste when worn by the venerable 
 lords spiritual ; so they transferred the bishops from the sleeve 
 to the hips, and what was lost to the sleeve was added to the 
 skirt, and the bishop was required to give grace and flow to the 
 drapery. I remember being at a levee at the president s on New 
 Year s day, when these first came into fashion, and was in com 
 pany with an honest man from the far west, who asked me how 
 it was that the girls on this side of the mountains had forms so 
 much fuller than the girls of the west? I initiated him into the 
 secret of wearing bishops. He looked grave, and seemed satis 
 fied with the explanation, when he suddenly whirled me round 
 and said, Look there ! pointing to the wife of a distinguished 
 senator from the east, somewhat remarkable certainly for the ex 
 cess of her fashion ; look there ! that woman has not only the 
 bishop, but a whole diocess on her hips ! 
 
 " Oh, you are too severe on us ladies ! I must not listen to 
 
 you." 
 
 " My dear madam," said the Gentleman in Black, with an air 
 of the utmost humility, " pardon me if I have offended you, but 
 the incident amused me at the time, and I hope has amused you." 
 
 " But you were speaking of these fashions as being matters of 
 state policy," said Mrs. Smith, wishing to relieve the gentleman 
 of his embarrassment, and to recall the topic which had excited 
 her surprise. 
 
 " Yes, madam, they have become so ; and the aristocracy of 
 England and France are compelled, whatever may be the change 
 of texture and cut, to consume as many yards as possible in their 
 fashions. The costume a la nature once adopted in France can 
 never be renewed." 
 
58 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " Costume a la nature!" said Mrs. Smith, in a tone of sur 
 prise ; " that is a fashion I never before heard of." 
 
 " Indeed ! Well, it was one of the vagaries of the French 
 Revolution, and consisted of a fine flesh-colored knit silk, per 
 fectly fitting the form, over which mantles of classic cut were 
 gracefully worn. The ladies then looked very much like a tribe 
 of Indian women from the foot of the Rocky Mountains. The 
 wife of the French Minister in those days, once appeared so 
 habited at a levee given by Mr. Jefferson, and a good old lady 
 who was present assured me that she was sure a naked woman 
 had walked into the drawing-room ; and the dismay she spread 
 was as amusing to the gentlemen as it was beyond all description 
 distressing to the ladies. I need not say, she made but one such 
 exhibition of herself." 
 
 " Is it possible," said Mrs. Smith, " that any fashions more 
 absurd than the present were ever worn ?" 
 
 " The present ! they are not ungraceful ; flesh and blood are 
 now in good repute, and a lady does not strive to repress what in 
 the nature of things must be attractive. But I assure you it is 
 not thirty years since, that our ladies sought to be as straight and 
 as thin as laths." 
 
 " Dear me ! how could they accomplish this ! You are ro 
 mancing!" 
 
 " No indeed, madam, I am not ; and if you will allow me to 
 explain what is so mysterious, I will tell you by what most in 
 genious process this result was to some degree attained. At night 
 they put on wet sheep-skins, which were drawn tight by means 
 of lacings ; these of course shrunk as they dried during the hours 
 of sleep, and made what was small before, 
 
 " Fine by degrees and beautifully less. " 
 
 " You astonish m e ! I never will again complain of the pre 
 sent fashion if I have been saved from such slow martyrdom, and 
 which to me," looking for an instant on her swelling shoulders 
 and full chest, " would have been as hopeless of attainment as 
 undesirable when attained." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black sat in silence; his looks were elo 
 quent of his due appreciation of beauty which no art could hide, 
 heighten, or improve. Mrs. Smith, somewhat embarrassed by 
 the silence which followed, rose, and taking a book from the 
 shelf, asked the Gentleman in Black if he had seen the volume 
 she handed to him, saying at the same lime, " that the author was 
 one of her particular friends, and who had favored her with his 
 presence at her party ;" and this she did, hoping to solve the 
 doubt in her own mind as to what should be the profession to 
 
PIOUS REFLECTIONS BY SIR ROBERT BOYLE. 59 
 
 which the unknown was devoted. The Gentleman in Black 
 seemed surprised to find it a volume of sermons ; and looked in 
 quiringly at the lady, as though he would ask, " Why do you 
 hand me such a book as this ?" But as she made no other ob 
 servation, and had re-seated herself, he looked over the volume, 
 which he threw down on the table, saying, " he had never seen 
 it before." 
 
 " You are not fond of sermons, then ?" 
 
 " No, madam ; this is a sort of literature for which I have no 
 especial predilections." 
 
 " Nor have I," said Mrs. Smith ; " and I do not know why 
 these compositions should be called by so obsolete a name as 
 sermons, which are usually so jejune ; for they are so graceful 
 and imaginative that they deserve all the admiration they have 
 received ;" and taking up the book, she added, " this last is espe 
 cially beautiful." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black again took the book, and read aloud 
 the caption, " Voices of the Deep :" he scanned the pages, and 
 again threw the book on the table, saying, " Doubtless these re 
 flections were only surpassed by those pious meditations written 
 * on a Decayed Broom-stick ! 
 
 " My dear sir, it may be that you are worthy of being the 
 successor of Dean Swift, but I shall make but a poor Lady 
 Berkeley." 
 
 " Ah ! well, madam, since you object to the badinage of the 
 Dean, you will not object, I am sure, if I say that the * Voices of 
 the Deep are as fitting and as judicious a topic for the enforce 
 ment of pious thoughts as those I will select from so eminent and 
 distinguished a philosopher and Christian as Sir Robert Boyle." 
 So saying, he went up to the book-cases, and took out one of the 
 five folios of Sir Robert Boyle s works, edition of London, 1744, 
 and commenced examining its contents, as if searching for a 
 passage. 
 
 " My dear sir, I am only acquainted with Sir Robert Boyle by 
 his distinguished reputation, and am prepared to venerate all he 
 may have written ; nothing trivial can find a place, I am sure, in 
 his works." 
 
 " My dear madam, I did not say there was*; my remark only 
 was as to the novelty of the idea of making such subjects the 
 peg on which to hang religious reflections. Now let us see if 
 Sir Robert has not something quite as clever as your divines of 
 the present day. What do you say to this?" reading vol. ii., p. 
 164, " Upon sitting at ease in a coach that went very fast; or 
 this: Upon the sight of a fine milk-maid singing to her cow ; 
 p. 184; or this : Upon drinking out of the brim of one s hat; 
 
60 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 p. 205 ; or this : Upon my Lady R. R. s fine closet ? p. 216. 
 Shall I read you a passage or two, that you may see how fine 
 ladies of the city and court of London amused themselves a 
 century or two since, and what so grave a gentleman thought of 
 them?" 
 
 " If you please," replied Mrs. Smith. The Gentleman in 
 Black read as follows : " * The embellishments that adorn and en 
 noble this delightful place are such, that I believe the possessor 
 of them, as welcome as she is to the best of companies, scarce 
 ever looks upon finer things than she can see in her closet, un 
 less she looks into her glass. " 
 
 " Upon my word !" said Mrs. Smith, "I do believe you are 
 making the book as you go on ! Certainly Sir Robert never 
 made such fine compliments as you have put into his mouth." 
 
 " Here it is," said the Gentleman in Black, " all in the fairest 
 type," pointing to the page ; " but let me read you another pas 
 sage, which shows his shrewdness and observation, and is a hint 
 which some ladies of the present day would do well to adopt." 
 The Gentleman in Black read on: " The collection is curious 
 in its kind, and such as, if the mistress of it were less hand 
 some than she is, might give her, as well cause to be jealous of 
 these fine things, as to be proud of them, since a beauty that 
 were but ordinary could but divert a spectator from objects which 
 are not so. 
 
 " Really," said Mrs. Smith, " if this were to be the rule of 
 furnishing our saloons, what would be the style adopted by my 
 especial friends, the Van Tromps ! Indeed, I fear Sir Robert 
 would find but few such closets, as he calls them, in our Babylon 
 the Less." 
 
 " If, madam, there were but one, that were all your own," re 
 plied the Gentleman in Black, in the most amiable manner. 
 
 Mrs. Smith looked very sweet upon the Gentleman in Black, 
 who hid his emotion by reading on: " I can readily believe that 
 Lindenmere (the friend with whom Sir Robert is holding his 
 imaginary conversation), has wit and amorousness to make him 
 find it more easy to defend fair ladies than to defend himself 
 against them. The gentleman, pausing, looked into the very 
 depths of the lady s lustrous eyes, which now in their turn fell 
 before the burning glance, and rested on her swelling bosom, in 
 beautiful consciousness of her attractiveness. 
 
 "But," said the Gentleman in Black, " here is a meditation 
 which must come home to the business and bosoms of the gas 
 tronomers of the great city of Babylon the Less." Turning to 
 page 219, he read : " Upon the Eating of Oysters." 
 
 " Indeed !" exclaimed Mrs. Smith ; " certainly he must be a 
 
ON EATING OF OYSTERS. 61 
 
 real Jacques, who can find sermons in stones, books in running 
 brooks, and good in everything. 
 
 " It must be confessed," said the Gentleman in Black, in his 
 usual quiet way, " there are few things more palatable than the 
 oysters which Florence serves up in the shell, with the usual 
 condiments of ground cracker, cream and butter." 
 
 ** Pray what does Sir Robert say of eating oysters ? He has 
 opened upon a subject unusually rich." 
 
 " Sir Robert, it seems, has a great abhorrence of the eating of 
 oysters raw. He does not think it less barbarous to eat raw flesh 
 than raw oysters, and he would class that most lovely and sim 
 ple-hearted of all wise men, Isaac Walton, with cannibals ; for 
 he, you no doubt will recollect, recommends us, in the eating of 
 oysters, having carefully coaxed them to the opening of their 
 shells, * to tickle them to death with our teeth T But I will read 
 you what Sir Robert says of eating oysters raw : This is a 
 practice, not only of the rude vulgar, but of the politest and nicest 
 of persons among us, such as physicians, divines, and even ladies, 
 who scruple not to destroy oysters alive, and kill them, not with 
 their hands or teeth, but with their stomachs ! where, for aught 
 we know, they begin to be digested before they make an end of 
 dying ! " 
 
 " Ah ! here are reflections," exclaimed the Gentleman in Black, 
 (p. 225,) " which promise something attractive : * Upon the Shop 
 of an ugly painter well stored with pictures of handsome ladies. 
 Shall I read ?" 
 
 " Indeed," said the lady, " yon have so surprised me that I am 
 doubtful if it be safe for me to hear any more from so very quaint, 
 not to say so queer, a writer. We ladies have suffered so severely 
 in the matter of the oysters, that I am afraid to trust his pencil, 
 lest his portraitures of those handsome ladies have more of shadow 
 than light in them." 
 
 " My dear madam, I think," casting his eyes down the page, 
 "you may risk a sentence or two, at least;" and so saying, he 
 read on : " Here is a deceitful shop of beauty . 
 
 " Stop !" exclaimed Mrs. Smith ; " and is this your promising 
 commencement?" 
 
 " Ah, do not be so ready to condemn ! let me proceed ;" so 
 he read on : " where many that come but to wonder, meet with 
 love ; and even when they buy not what they like, pay their 
 hearts for it. " 
 
 " Now that is very prettily said for so old a gentleman ! Pray 
 go on." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black bowed and read on: " The shop 
 being so well furnished that beauty seems here to have assumed 
 
62 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 all the variety of features and complexions she can be dressed in, 
 and so exquisitely to have fitted all gazers with proportionate and 
 attractive objects, that nothing but an absolute incapability of love 
 is here able to protect them from that passion, which not to con 
 cede among so many inspiring wonders, were one. ]f in these 
 faces the originals equal the transcripts ; if art have not flattered 
 nature, and attempted more to instruct than to imitate her; and 
 if the painter have not elected rather to have his pieces liked, 
 than like, here are apologies for love, that not only pardons, but 
 proselytes. " 
 
 " Indeed," said Mrs. Smith, " I forgive the old gentleman for 
 all his discourteousness in the matter of the oysters, and would 
 seal his pardon with a kiss if he were but here." 
 
 Now I must say to my lady readers, it is very provoking for 
 them to say such things of old men and dead men, when living 
 ones are so near them ; and so thought the Gentleman in Black. 
 
 " And what will you confer on the gentleman who has made 
 you acquainted with so many graceful compliments ?" 
 
 The lady shook her head, and the Gentleman in Black relieved 
 her of his implied request by reading on : " I must add, that 
 there are more suns than one, whose brightness, even by reflec 
 tion, can dazzle; there are princesses more illustrious for the 
 blood that lightens in their cheeks than for that which runs in 
 their veins, and who, like victorious monarchs, can conquer at a 
 distance and captivate by proxy. J: 
 
 The Gentleman in Black looked tenderly at the lady, closed 
 the book with a sigh, and replaced it on the shelf. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black gives Mrs. Smith his opinion of the authors in the 
 library Colloquy upon the doctrine of the Catholic church of the perpetual 
 Virginity of the Virgin Effect of that opinion upon the Church Testi 
 mony of Cyprian Manners of the pristine ages of the Church St. Chry- 
 sostom s nun The testimony of Erasmus Of the manners in his times 
 Thomas Aquinas and his works Various versions of the Bible Colloquy 
 in relation to these. 
 
 MRS. SMITH, desirous of relieving the Gentleman in Black 
 of his embarrassment, and wishing to change the current of his 
 
FATHERS OF THE CHURCH. 63 
 
 thoughts, requested him to give her the benefit of his opinion of 
 her library, and of the authors it contained. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black, after a moment s abstraction, reco 
 vered himself, and looking around, said: 
 
 " As I have remarked, you have strange contrarieties of men 
 and opinions here ; on this side, the fathers of the church, and 
 on the other, their antagonists. Here are ORIGEN, CYPRIAN, TER- 
 TULLIAN, ATHANASIUS, CHRYSOSTOM, JEROME, AUGUSTINE, THEO- 
 DORET, BASIL, the four GREGORYS, LEO, BENEDICT, and their suc 
 cessors ; and there," pointing to the English divines, " the giants 
 of Protestant theology." 
 
 " They present a very respectable outside, certainly," said 
 Mrs. Smith ; " but I am guiltless of any knowledge of what they 
 contain." 
 
 " Ah !" said the Gentleman in Black, " they were truly won 
 derful men ! Here," said he, rasping the toe of his boot against 
 a row of folios, " is one of the great works of the age in which 
 it was written." 
 
 Mrs. Smith stooped to read the title on the backs, but it was 
 written in contractions, and in a language not known to-the lady; 
 who, finding her attempt at guessing at the purport of the title 
 unavailable, candidly confessed her ignorance, and requested the 
 Gentleman in Black to tell on what subject they treated. 
 
 He replied, smiling, " On a subject which has divided* the 
 
 * John d Alva published 48 folio volumes which are here referred to, on 
 the " Immaculate Conception of the Virgin Mary," nor did he exhaust the 
 subject, for Disraeli, in his Curiosities of Literature, speaks of a pious Jesuit 
 who devoted thirty-six years to the completion of a work in seven folio 
 volumes, which he styled " the system of the Virgin," in which he treated of 
 three thousand questions never before considered. Curiosities, London ed. p. 
 135. 
 
 The Franciscans maintained that the Virgin Mary stKmld be excepted under 
 the general declaration that the sin of Adam passed into all mankind. The 
 Dominicans, on the other hand, asserted that as Paul had not excepted her, 
 neither should they. It required all the artifice of the legates, and the au 
 thority of the Pope himself, to prevent a schism upon this point. A compro 
 mise was finally agreed upon between the parties, to the effect that it should 
 be said, that the synod had no reference to the Virgin Mary in their decree. 
 
 In the " Litanies of the blessed Virgin Mary," she is addressed in language 
 which would render it fitting she should be free from human imperfec 
 tion, and certainly imply it, as follows : "Holy Mary, pray for us, Holy Mother 
 of God, Holy Virgin of virgins, Mother of divine grace, Mother undefiled, 
 Mother untouched, Mother most amiable, Mother most admirable, Mother 
 of our Creator, Mother of our Redeemer, Most prudent Virgin. Venerable 
 Virgin, Renowned Virgin, Powerful Virgin, Merciful Virgin, Faithful Vir 
 gin, Mirror of Justice, Seat of Wisdom, Cause of our Joy, Vessel of spiritu 
 ality, Vessel of honor, Noble vessel of devotion, Mystical rose, Tower of 
 David, Tower of ivory, House of gold, Ark of the Covenant, Gate of Heaven, 
 
64 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 Christian world from its earliest ages : * The Perpetual Virginity 
 of Mary. " 
 
 " Is it possible," she exclaimed, " that such a subject should af 
 ford matter for so many ponderous volumes ?" 
 
 The Gentleman in Black answered, " There was nothing so 
 fruitful of controversy as questions which are beyond the reach 
 of the human understanding. This is the receptacle of all the 
 learning and argument held by the church on this subject, and on 
 the sublime virtue of virginity in general. Who will say the 
 Jesuits have done nothing for the advancement of learning, after 
 this ?" 
 
 " To me," replied Mrs. Smith, " it looks like laborious idle 
 ness. But you tell me this subject has been deemed one of great 
 interest in the early times of the Christian church ?" 
 
 " Its rise is not now to be traced, though we know it was as 
 early as the times of Origen ; and we first hear of its existence, 
 from its being denied by Helvetius, a disciple of Auxentius, the 
 Arian; and also by Tertullian, Apollonarius, Eunomias, and 
 their followers." 
 
 " It seems to me," said Mrs. Smith, " perfectly absurd." 
 
 " Yes, madam, and however idle and puerile all this may seem 
 to you," replied the Gentleman in Black, 4 I assure you no dog 
 ma has had so great an influence on the conditions of society, or 
 has wrought more important changes on the moral aspects of the 
 world, than this. Unlike most of the dogmas and dreams of the 
 
 Morning Star, Health of the Weak, Refuge of sinners, Comfort of the afflicted, 
 Help of Christians, Queen of Angels, Queen of patriarchs, Queen of prophets, 
 Queen of apostles, Queen of martyrs, Queen of confessors, Queen of Virgins, 
 Queen of all saints, pray for us." New Englander for Jan. 1845. 
 
 G. de Felice, the able correspondent of the "New York Observer," in a letter 
 to the editors of that paper, dated " Mautauban, August 8, 1847," published in 
 that paper, dated Nov. 13th, 1847, says : 
 
 " I have before me a shocking parody of the Lord s prayer. The holy and 
 sublime prayer which Jesus Christ taught his disciples, that prayer which 
 ought to be addressed to God alone the Jesuits have the effrontery to offer to 
 Mary. This profanation would seem incredible, but that the text of the new 
 Popish prayer has been published in some journals. It is in these terms : 
 O Mary, who art in Heaven ! O Mary, hallowed be thy name for ever ! thy 
 love be in all hearts ! thy will be done on earth as in heaven. Give us this 
 day grace and mercy. Forgive us our sins, as we trust in thine inexhaustible 
 goodness; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen ! " 
 
 Mr. Cecil has well said, "Man is the creature of extremes. The middle path 
 is generally the wise path, but there are few wise enough to find it. Because 
 the Papists have made too much of some things, the Protestants have made 
 too little of them. The Papists treat man as all sense 5 and therefore some 
 Protestants would treat him as all spirit. Because one party has exalted the 
 Virgin Mary to a divinity, the other can scarcely think of that most highly 
 favored among women with common respect." Remains, p. 221. 
 
OF THE VIRGIN MARY. 65 
 
 early ages, this still holds its place in the veneration and con 
 fidence of millions, and is now controlling the destinies of multi 
 tudes of men and women who are doomed to a state of being at 
 war with nature and the God of Nature. And yet, to the com 
 bined efforts of the giant minds of Ambrose, Augustine, and 
 Jerome, the church owes the perpetuity of this dogma, and 
 all the institutions and consequences which have existed and 
 exist, and which have been founded on the glory they have con 
 ferred on the rare and difficult and uncalled-for virtue of celibacy." 
 
 " And was it a belief of the pure and primitive ages of the 
 church ?" inquired Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " What ages of the past can be compared with the present?" 
 replied the Gentleman in Black, in a tone of surprise. 
 
 " I speak of the centuries immediately following the days of 
 the Apostles, and which reach to the Council of Nice, including 
 all those great names whose works you have just referred to," 
 answered Mrs. Smith. " May I ask how early this miraculous 
 virtue was attributed to the Virgin Mary?" 
 
 " It is not exactly known," replied the Gentleman in Black ; 
 " but St. Augustine, whose fame reaches all lands, holds that she 
 was as much a virgin after the birth of Christ as before!" 
 
 " But how could such a notion have entered his head ?" asked 
 Mrs. Smith, earnestly ; " and being there, how could it for a mo 
 ment be entertained?" 
 
 " It was entertained," replied the Gentleman in Black, smiling, 
 " There were then, as in later days, men who, like Sir Thomas 
 Browne in his Religio Medici, complained that * there were not 
 impossibilities enough in religion for their active faith, and who 
 heartily adopted the axiom of Tertullian: It is certainly true, 
 because it is impossible. "* 
 
 " In order to secure for this dogma the highest possible sanc 
 tion," continued the Gentleman in Black, " Gregory Nyssen in 
 sists that the manner of Christ s entering the world was a tacit 
 disparagement of marriage; and in his oration on Christmas day, 
 adopts a tradition concerning the Virgin Mary, the import of which 
 is to secure her suffrage in support of vowing virginity in very 
 childhood. Joseph, we are told, was pitched upon as the guardian 
 of her innocence ; and this story, which was introduced by Gre 
 gory as apocryphal, Augustine, a few days later, alludes to as an 
 authentic fact. It is clear, says he in his work De Sanctua 
 
 * "Methinks there be not impossibilities enough in religion for an active 
 faith. I love to lose myself in a mystery, to pursue my reason to an O alti- 
 tudo! I can answer all objections of Satan and my rebellious reason, with 
 that odd resolution I learned from Tertullian Cerium est quice impossibik 
 est. "Sir Thomas Browne. 
 
PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 Virginitate, that Mary had previously (that is, before ttffe visit 
 of the angel), devoted herself to GOD in inviolable chastity; and 
 that she had been espoused to Joseph on this very condition. 1 
 All which is affirmed, that Mary might furnish an example to 
 holy nuns in all time to come. The greatest stickler for this 
 doctrine was St. Bernard ; and strange as it may appear, this doc 
 trine has recently been raised at Oxford, whose divines seem de 
 sirous of reviving in the English mind all the blessedness of the 
 Ccelibate; and we shall soon again hear of devout boys and girls 
 being transformed into Terrestrial Angels? by passing through 
 the fiery ordeal of celibacy." 
 
 " Such a dogma seems to me," said Mrs. Smith, " nothing less 
 than the resuscitation of the horrid Moloch of the ancient Jews 
 in a new form, and must certainly be nothing less than the device 
 of Satan himself." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black smiled, and said : " Aristotle tells us 
 never to call up the gods unnecessarily.* Satan has many things 
 to answer for, of which he was most innocent. To me, all this 
 is satisfactorily accounted for, from misconceptions of some 
 passages of the Scriptures, and an admixture of gnosticism, which 
 held possession of the religious world almost universally,! sus 
 tained as the sentiment was, as I have stated, by the giant intellects 
 of the Church ; and Cyprian speaks of it in his day as among 
 the evangelic and apostolic traditions, and enforces it, though it 
 had even then begun to work out its legitimate and necessary 
 consequences; for in his Epistles he says : Wherefore, it is by 
 no means to be allowed that young women should (non dico 
 simul dormire) Jive with men ; but if they have dedicated 
 themselves to CHRIST, let them modestly and chastely, and 
 without subterfuge, hold to their purpose ; and thus constant and 
 firm, look for the reward of virginity." 
 
 " But I thought," said Mrs. Smith, " that the early times of the 
 Church were, next to those of the Garden of Eden, the paradisi 
 acal days of the world. I have always heard them so spoken of 
 by the Rev. Dr. VERDANT GREEN, and have often regretted that 
 I too had not lived in those days of purity, when men and angels 
 once more renewed their converse on earth." 
 
 eturov f TOV fJtvou o-y/uaivtv, Ha fj,n 
 Iv TH MJJ&EJ* TTO ^un^avw;. ARISTOT. POET. 18. 
 
 Nee Deus intersit nisi dignus vindice nodus 
 Incident:" HORACE. 
 
 f It was the seductive gnostic principle which made the conditions of 
 animal life, and the common alliances of man in the social system, the 
 antithesis of divine perfections; and so to be escaped from and denied, by all 
 who panted after the highest excellence." TAYLOR. 
 
LADIES OF CARTHAGE. 67 
 
 " Such representations of the early days of Christianity are no 
 doubt very delightful, and it is only to be regretted that they are 
 not true. And yet the description which Paul gives of the church 
 at Corinth was anything but flattering; and such a church, even 
 in Babylon the Less, which had changed the Supper into a 
 bacchanalian feast, would be deemed a disgrace to the age and 
 country. It is common to speak of these ages as the pure ages 
 of the Church ; yet I can assure you, and I don t think I m at 
 all prejudiced in the matter, there has never existed an era when 
 the principles of Christianity have been so well taught and under 
 stood as the present." 
 
 " In all these matters," said Mrs. Smith, " I have long since 
 become very skeptical ; but yet the constant iteration of these 
 assertions have still dwelt upon my mind as acknowledged verities. 
 And it seems strange to me that such corruptions could have been 
 engrafted on an age so recently purified by the fires of persecution." 
 
 " So we might have supposed ; yet, from the Epistles of Cyprian, 
 it is evident that the ladies of Carthage sought to indemnify 
 themselves for their abjuration of the virtues of domestic life, by 
 becoming proficients in every meretricious allurement; not merely 
 bestowing extraordinary cares and costs upon the attractions of 
 dress and jewelry, and frequenting scenes of indecent revelry, 
 but inviting and allowing the grossest familiarities on the part of 
 their spiritual guides, to whom they had too easy access ; and even 
 yielding themselves to shameful exposures in the public baths; 
 of which ablutions the good bishop well and smartly says, Such 
 washings do not cleanse, but pollute the body ; and not only the 
 body, but the soul. * That such indecencies of the Carthaginian 
 women were not a singular instance of irregularity, may be 
 gathered from the very express and detailed reference to the same 
 practices, made some years earlier by Clement of Alexandria. 
 So much, madam, for the boasted purity of the pristine age of 
 the Church." 
 
 "But by what course of instruction," inquired Mrs. Smith, 
 " could Marriage, an institution honored by the presence of 
 Christ, and confirmed by his first miracle, come into disrepute ? 
 This is, after all, quite a mystery to me." 
 
 "It is by no means difficult to show this as the consequence of 
 the misconceptions I have alluded to ; and as a necessary effect 
 following the eloquence and rhetoric devoted to the elevation of 
 the honors of virginity. Let me read you a passage from St. 
 Bernard," said the Gentleman in Black. Taking the volume from 
 the shelf, and opening it at the subjoined passage, he read on as 
 follows : 
 
 * TAYLOR S Ancient Christianity, p. 118. 
 
68 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " What is so fair as chastity, which makes of a man an angel ? 
 A chaste man and an angel differ as to felicity, but not as to 
 virtue ; for, although the purity of the angel be the happier of the 
 two, that of man must be admitted to be the more energetic. It 
 is chastity, and that alone, which in this abode of mortality holds 
 forth the state of immortal glory. This is the glory of a single 
 life, to live the life of an angel, while occupying the body as of a 
 beast. He goes on to say: * Who then should scruple to call 
 the life of a religious Crelebs a celestial, an angelic life ? or what 
 will all the elect be in the resurrection, when even now ye are as 
 the angels of God who abstain from matrimonial connections ? 
 . . . And as to chastity and sanctity, I may call you terrestrial 
 angels, or rather as citizens of heaven, although still pilgrims upon 
 earth. And if all this was attractive to men, how must such a 
 passage as the one I will now read you, have thrilled in the souls 
 of young girls, as it came warm with the eloquence of the silver- 
 tongued Chrysostom !" So saying, the Gentleman in Black took 
 from the shelves a ponderous volume, and read to Mrs. Smith, 
 whose face showed the deepest interest in the subject, the following 
 passage : 
 
 44 The virgin, when she goes abroad, presents herself as the 
 bright specimen of all philosophy, and strikes all with amaze 
 ment, as if now an angel had descended from heaven ; or just as 
 if one of the cherubim had appeared upon earth, and was turn 
 ing the eyes of all men upon himself. So should all those who 
 look upon a virgin be thrown into admiration and stupor at the 
 sight of her sanctity. And when she advances, she moves as 
 through a desert ; or when she sits at church, it is with the pro- 
 foundest silence : her eye catches nothing of the objects around 
 her ; she sees neither women nor men, but her Spouse only, and 
 He as if apparent and present ; and then retiring to her home, 
 there she again communes with Him in prayers, and His voice 
 alone she listens to, in the Scriptures; and of Him there she 
 thinks, whom she desires and loves ; and whatever she does, it 
 is as a pilgrim and a stranger, to whom things present are as no 
 thing. Not only does she hide herself from the eyes of men, 
 but avoids the society of secular women also. The body she 
 takes care of only so far as necessity compels her, while she 
 bestows all her regards upon the soul : and who shall not marvel 
 at her ? who shall not be in ecstacy, in thus beholding the angelic 
 life embodied in a female form ? And who is it that shall dare 
 approach her ? who shall venture to touch this flaming spirit ? 
 Nay, rather all stand aloof, willing or unwilling. All are fixed 
 in amazement, as if there were before their eyes a mass of incan 
 descent and sparkling gold ! Gold hath indeed by nature its 
 
THE COLLOQUIES OF ERASMUS. 69 
 
 splendor; but when saturate with fire, how admirable, nay, even 
 fearful, is it ! And thus, when a soul such as this occupies the 
 body, not only shall the spectacle be wondered at by men, but 
 even angels." 
 
 " It is indeed no wonder," said Mrs. Smith, as the Gentleman 
 in Black closed the book, " that such adulation should have filled, 
 in this early age, the minds of ardent girls with zeal for the crown 
 of virginity." 
 
 " Not in that age only, but in all ages, my dear madam," re 
 plied the Gentleman in Black. " The same passions lie in every 
 breast, and are susceptible of being awakened. Erasmus has, in 
 this volume," taking down the Colloquies of Erasmus,* "given 
 us a most admirable dialogue with a young girl of his day, who 
 has had what Sir Roger L Estrange has translated * a phansie to 
 a cloyster, which has been opposed by her parents, who, after 
 great affliction, consent to it. Erasmus introduces a friend of the 
 family, who dissuades her, and lays before her the snares and 
 dangers of this course of life, and the artifices by which this de 
 sire has been created. The young girl who speaks is repre 
 sented as just seventeen, of singular beauty and endowments. 
 She says: 4 It will certainly be my death if I am disappointed. 
 
 " ERASMUS. What was it that first gave rise to such a fatal re- 
 solution ? 
 
 " CATHARINE. When I was a little girl, they carried me into 
 the cloisters, and showed me the whole college ; the chapels were 
 so neat, and the gardens so clean, so delicate, and so well-ordered, 
 that I fell in love with them ; and then they themselves were so 
 pure and glorious that they looked like angels ; so that, in short, 
 which way soever I turned my eye, there were comfort and plea 
 sure : and then I had the prettiest discourses with the nuns ! I 
 found two there who had been my playfellows when I was a 
 child. But I have always had a strange passion for that kind of 
 life. 
 
 " ERASMUS. I have no quarrel as to the Rules and Orders of 
 Cloisters, though the same thing can never agree with all per 
 sons. If I were to speak my opinion, I should think it more 
 suitable to your genius and manners to take a good husband, and 
 set up a college in your own house, where he should be the father 
 of it and you the mother. 
 
 " CATHARINE. I ll rather die than quit my resolution of vir 
 ginity ! 
 
 " ERASMUS. Nay, tis an admirable thing to be a pure maid ; but 
 cannot you keep yourself so without running yourself into a 
 prison, never to come out again? 
 
 * London edition of 1699: p. 109. 
 
70 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " CATHARINE. Yes, I may ; but tis not so safe, though. 
 
 " ERASMUS. Much safer, truly, in my judgment, than with these 
 brawling, swilling monks. Let me tell you, there are more veils 
 than virgins ; indeed, I never read of any more than one virgin, 
 and she was a mother. 
 
 "CATHARINE. I do not understand you. My head runs strangely 
 upon this course of life, though ; and my passion for it every day 
 grows stronger and stronger. Now, if this were not inspired into 
 me from above, this disposition, I am persuaded, would have gone 
 off long ago. 
 
 " ERASMUS. If it were good, Heaven would have inclined your 
 parents to favor the notion ; but the gay things you saw when 
 you were a child ; the tittle-tattle of the nuns, and the hankering 
 you have after your old acquaintances ; the external pomp of 
 their worship; the importunities of their senseless monks, who 
 only hunt for proselytes that they may cram their own paunches ; 
 here s the ground of your affection. They know your father to 
 be frank and bountiful, and this is the way they make fun of their 
 tipple; for they either drink with him, or else invite him, and he 
 brings as much wine along with him as ten lusty soakers can 
 swallow. Do nothing, therefore, without your parents consent, 
 whom GOD hath set over you as your guardians. 
 
 " CATHARINE. But what is a father or a mother in respect of 
 Christ? 
 
 " And so," continued the Gentleman in Black, " Catharine per 
 sists in her resolution, and goes into the nunnery. In this next 
 colloquy she is again introduced, having been twelve days in the 
 cloister. Erasmus asks her, How came your parents to con 
 sent at last? 
 
 "CATHARINE. Betwixt the restless solicitations of the monks 
 and nuns, and my own importunities and tears, my mother at last 
 relented, but my father would not be wrought upon. In the end, 
 he was prevailed upon to yield, as a man absolutely oppressed 
 and overcome. The resolution was taken in their cups, and the 
 monks preached no less than damnation to him, if he refused to 
 CHRIST His spouse. 
 
 " ERASMUS. A pack of flagitious fools ! But what then ? 
 
 " CATHARINE. I was kept close at home for three days, and 
 several of the convent were constantly with me; mightily en 
 couraging me to persist in my holy purpose, and as narrowly 
 watching me, lest any of my friends and kindred should come to 
 me, and make me change my mind. In the interim, my habits 
 were ready, and other necessaries, for the solemnity. 
 
 "ERASMUS. And did not your mind misgive you? 
 
 " CATHARINE. No, not at all. And yet I had so horrid a fright, 
 
THE COLLOQUIES OF ERASMUS. 71 
 
 that I had rather die ten times over, than be in that condition 
 again. 
 
 " ERASMUS. What might that be ? Come, tell me truly : I am 
 your friend. 
 
 " CATHARINE. I had a most dreadful apparition ! 
 
 " ERASMUS. Your Evil Genius, who pushed you forward into 
 disobedience ; and in the shape, I suppose, we see it painted, 
 with a crooked beak, long horns, harpy s claws, and a swinging 
 tail? 
 
 " CATHARINE. You may laugh, if you will, but I had rather 
 sink to the earth than see the fellow of it ! 
 
 " ERASMUS. And were your women-solicitoresses with you at 
 the time ? 
 
 "CATHARINE. No. And I would not so much as open my 
 mouth to them of it, though they sifted me most particularly; for 
 you must know, they found me almost dead with the terror. 
 
 44 You see," said the Gentleman in Black, 44 that though Eras 
 mus does not say this was a contrivance of these monks and 
 nuns, he broadly hints it. The dialogue goes on to show Catha 
 rine wide awake to the danger in which she was placed, arid that 
 at her earnest cries and tears, she was relinquished by the monks, 
 on the payment of four hundred crowns ; and concludes by Eras 
 mus saying: 4 Oh ! these guttling nuptials ! but since the money 
 is gone, tis well you are yourself safe. Hereafter, hearken to 
 good advice. Catharine replies, 4 So I will ; a burnt child dreads 
 the fire. " 
 
 44 And is that the writing of Erasmus, the great champion of 
 the Church, and the opponent of Luther?" inquired Mrs. Smith, 
 with surprise. 
 
 44 Yes, my dear madam : such were the efforts of Erasmus to 
 save the Church from the corruptions introduced into it by these 
 primitive fathers, and which had ripened in his day to a degree 
 of profligacy which admitted of no remedy less searching than 
 the knife, as applied by Luther, though the caustic, as applied by 
 himself, must have been deemed by these monks and nuns rather 
 harsh treatment." 
 
 44 Ah !" exclaimed the Gentleman in Black, with a smile of sin- 
 cerest satisfaction, passing his fingers over seventeen folio volumes, 
 44 here is the angelical doctor ! the Emanuel Swedenborg of the 
 Catholic Church !" And taking out a volume, and opening it, 
 he said : 44 Here is the celebrated 4 Summa Totius Theologize? 
 Paris, 1615, of Thomas Aquinas." 
 
 44 Why was he called the angelical doctor?" inquired Mrs. 
 Smith. 
 
 44 From his wonderful revelations. It is said of^him, that by 
 
72 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 his daily and constant contemplations, to which he was devoted, 
 that he frequently fell into an ecstacy of mind, in which he seemed 
 to all present to be dead, yet in the mean time he gained the 
 knowledge of the most abstruse mysteries ; and being returned 
 to himself, he imparted the fruits of this his philosophic death to 
 others, and the results of which he has here recorded."* 
 
 " Indeed !" said Mrs. Smith; " this is placing his writings on 
 very high grounds, and the fact must have given him great influ 
 ence in his day ; and yet I suppose, if this be so, he must have 
 been a subject of what we now call animal magnetism. You 
 have doubtless heard of such cases, in which sermons have been 
 preached, by ladies even, in a state of similar unconsciousness ?" 
 
 " Certainly I have ; and such cases have often occurred in 
 different countries and at different times. Old Fuller, in his 
 Worthies,! tells us of the boy William Withers, who in 1581, 
 when a child of eleven years of age, lay in a trance for ten days 
 without any nourishment, and uttered strange speeches against 
 pride and covetousness and the sins of the day. PHnyJ also 
 tells of Hermotimus, the Clazomenian, whose soul frequently 
 deserted his body and wandered about the world, and at his re 
 turn would tell of things performed at a distance which could only 
 be known to those who were present at the places spoken of by 
 him. Johannes Scotus, (known to the world as the famous 
 Duns Scotus,) too, had also his trances, and would sit for the space 
 of a day immovable, with his mind and senses wandering from 
 his body. And the fates of these men were as remarkable as 
 their conditions of mind ; for Hermotimus was found in one of 
 his trances by his enemies, who burned his body ; and Duns 
 Scotus in like manner was found by some unacquainted with his 
 idiosyncrasy, and so buried alive. "|| 
 
 " This is indeed as disastrous as it is wonderful," replied Mrs. 
 Smith, " and a warning to which our Mesmerists would do well 
 to take heed. Of what does your angelical doctor tell us in this 
 stout quarto?" asked Mrs.. Smith. 
 
 " He has here treated," replied the Gentleman in Black, " upon 
 Love, in one hundred and sixty-eight articles; he has devoted 
 three hundred and fifty-eight articles on Angels, two hundred on 
 
 * Zuing., Theatr., vol. i. 1. 3, p. 223. f Fuller s Worthies, p. 113. 
 
 J Pliny, 1. 7, ch. lii. p. 184. Sabellic, Exempl., 1. 2, ch. vi. p. 89. 
 
 || Lord Bacon says " There have been such examples, whereof the most 
 recent was that of Johannes Scotus, called the Subtile, who being digged up 
 again by his servant (unfortunately absent at his burial, and who knew his 
 Master s manner in such fits) was found buried alive." History of Life and 
 Death, chapter x. sect. 34. 
 
OF THOMAS AQUINAS. 73 
 
 the Soul, eighty-five on Demons, seventeen on Virginity, and a 
 variety of such topics. In these he speaks of the substance, 
 orders, offices, natures and habits of angels, as if he were himself 
 an old experienced angel ; and demonstrates, by a severe chain 
 of reasoning, that angels are incorporeal as compared with man, 
 but corporeal as compared with GOD. Thomas was the father of 
 the schoolmen, by whom was debated with the utmost gravity, 
 all such questions as these : Whether Christ was not a Herma 
 phrodite ? whether the pious at the resurrection will rise with 
 their bowels ? whether the angel Gabriel appeared to the Virgin 
 Mary in the shape of a serpent, of a dove, of a man, or of a 
 woman ? Did he seem to be old or young? In what dress was 
 he ? Was his garment of white, or of two colors ? Was his 
 linen clean or foul ? Did he appear in the morning, noon or even 
 ing? What was the color of the Virgin Mary s hair? Was she 
 acquainted with the mechanic or liberal arts ? Had she a thorough 
 knowledge of the Book of Sentences, and all it contains ? that 
 is, of Peter Lombard s compilation from the works of the Fathers, 
 written twelve hundred years after her death !"* 
 
 "Are you not romancing?" said Mrs. Smith, looking very 
 earnestly into the face of the Gentleman in Black. 
 
 44 Certainly not ; and to show you that the subject was by no 
 means exhausted, here is the celebrated and rare folio, by a 
 Spanish Jesuit, published at Salamanca so late as 1652, entitled 
 4 the EMPYREOLOGIA, in which are described, with the greatest 
 complacency, the joys of heaven; and which, though strange 
 enough, were surpassed by another Jesuit writer, who gives us 
 yet more particular accounts, and positively assures us that men 
 and women are to enjoy the supremest pleasure in kissing each 
 other in those blessed abodes ; where they will bathe in each 
 other s presence, and for this purpose there will be the most 
 agreeable baths, in which the Happy will swim like fishes ; that the 
 angels will dress themselves in female habits, their hair curled, 
 wearing petticoats and fardingales, and with the finest linen ; that 
 men and women will amuse themselves in masquerades, feasts 
 and balls ; women will sing more agreeably than men to heighten 
 those entertainments, and at the resurrection will have more luxu 
 riant tresses, ornamented with ribbons and head-dresses, as in this 
 life."t 
 
 " It seems to me," exclaimed Mrs. Smith, " impossible that 
 such things could ever have been written, much less printed." 
 
 " To me," replied the Gentleman in Black, " these subjects do 
 not seem quite so absurd as the grave dispute which occupied 
 
 * SHARON TURNER S Analysis. "f D !SRAEH. 
 
74 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 thousands of acutest schoolmen and logicians for more than a 
 century, and which, after all the debate, was never resolved." 
 
 " Pray, may I inquire what was the topic ?" 
 
 " It was this : when a hog is carried to market, with a rope tied 
 about his neck, which is held at the one end by a man, whether, 
 is the hog carried to the market by the rope or by the man?"* 
 
 " What could have possessed men with such puerilities ?" said 
 Mrs. Smith. 
 
 "It was the policy of Rome so to exhaust the activity of the 
 human mind in speculations which kept it in full occupation, and 
 left the power of the Papacy unharmed." 
 
 " But where was the Bible all this while ? It seems to me," 
 said Mrs. Smith, "that such speculations as these could never 
 have grown up under its teachings." 
 
 " The Bible ! " exclaimed the Gentleman in Black ; " oh ! that 
 was what the Sir Archy McSycophants of those days would have 
 told you was an unparliamentary word. The Bible was long 
 after lying in the rubbish of the monasteries an unknown book." 
 
 "And why was this ?" 
 
 " It were a long story to tell you the strange fortunes of that 
 book, which has oftentimes seemed all but lost to the world.t 
 Its recent history is better known ; and of all its many versions, the 
 most surprising was a Spanish translation by Sebastian Castil- 
 lon, in which he fancied he could give the world a more classical 
 version, and for this purpose introduced phrases and sentences 
 from profane writers into the text ; and not to be outdone by the 
 Spanish version, Pere Burruyer made a version, which he styled 
 the Histoire du peuple de Dieu ; and conceiving the style of 
 the Scriptures to be too barren, he has given us this improved 
 version, of which I will read you a few passages." So saying, 
 the Gentleman in Black took the book down from the shelf, and 
 turning to the life of Joseph, he read, to the astonishment of Mrs. 
 Smith, as follows: 
 
 " Joseph combined with a regularity of features and a brilliant 
 complexion, an air of the noblest dignity, all of which rendered 
 him one of the most amiable men in Egypt. . . . 4 The 
 wife of Potiphar at length declared her ardent passion, and 
 pressed him for an answer. It never entered her head that the 
 advances of a woman of her rank could ever be rejected. Joseph 
 at first replied to all her wishes by his cold embarrassments. She 
 would not give him up. In vain he flies from her ; she was too 
 passionate to waste the moments of his astonishment 
 
 " Enough !" exclaimed Mrs. Smith, taking the book from the 
 
 * D IsBAEti. f See n Chronicles, chap, xxxiv. 
 
VERSIONS OF THE BIBLE. 75 
 
 hand of the Gentleman in Black, and replacing it on the shelf; 
 " no more of such * Elegant Extracts, if you please." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black laughed heartily at the movement. 
 
 " Thank Heaven," said Mrs. Smith, " all this is French and 
 Spanish ! The English mind has never been guilty of such 
 absurdities." 
 
 " Are you so certain of it ?" asked the Gentleman in Black ; 
 " you can never have seen the Bible put into verse by a worthy 
 Scotch divine, who seems to have determined not to be outdone 
 by these worthy predecessors; for in it occurs the most remark 
 able of all Alexandrines the world has ever seen." 
 
 " I m sure," said Mrs. Smith, " I shall now be surprised at 
 nothing you can tell me ; but what was this Alexandrine ?" 
 
 " Speaking of the refusal of Pharaoh to release the children of 
 Israel, he says : 
 
 *"Now Pharaoh, was he not a saucy rascal, 
 
 Who would not let the children of Israel, and their wives and little ones, with 
 their flocks and their herds, go up to eat the Paschal ! " 
 
 " I wonder who this man is !" thought Mrs. Smith, strangely 
 mystified by the course which the conversation had taken. Now 
 as the Gentleman in Black was not at all conscious of the state of 
 mind he had created, he went on to say, in a quiet easy tone : 
 
 " It may seem surprising to you, my dear madam, that with 
 all these absurdities in existence, and of which he must have been 
 advised, so great a man as the Archbishop Tillotson had formed 
 the design of an expurgated edition of the Bible, so that, had his 
 purpose been completed, we should have had not only a family 
 Shakspeare, but also a family Bible." 
 
 44 Pardon me, if I presume to say," replied Mrs. Smith, " that 
 I too have thought a family Bible would be desirable, and I 
 believe it has been attempted by Noah Webster, but I have never 
 seen it." 
 
 44 That, madam, must be a perilous labor which presumes to 
 refine pure gold, or to add perfume to the violet ; the hues of the 
 sky, of the earth and the sea, are adapted to the eye because the 
 same GOD made them all. And such are the Scriptures to the 
 soul." 
 
 44 He certainly must be a divine !" thought Mrs. Smith. " Is it 
 then so faultless," asked Mrs. Smith, 44 that it can t be improved ?" 
 
 44 Certainly not : the text should be inviolable. The arrange 
 ment of the books as they now stand is most artificial and 
 unfortunate ; and it is a matter of surprise that this, which is the 
 work of man, should still be retained, and that the labors of 
 Lightfoot and Townsend find so few to appreciate them." 
 
76 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 "May I ask of what you speak? I have heard of neither." 
 " I refer," replied the Gentleman in Black, " to the * arrange 
 ment of the Scriptures in their chronological order. The 
 books of the Bible were written, you know, at different periods, 
 and the lyrics were penned at critical conjunctures of the history 
 of the Jews, by David and Asaph and others ; the prophets were 
 prophesying, and some of them at the same time in Babylon and 
 at Jerusalem ; now there is a thread of history in the historical 
 books, upon which all these are susceptible of being strung, and 
 which holds all together in their proper places ; and this arrange 
 ment makes connected and plain what is now, for want of it, 
 obscure to all but the few by whom all these conditions of the 
 two nations of Judah and Israel have been mastered, and the 
 times of these lyrics and prophecies understood. To arrange 
 these several distinct books, songs and prophecies, has been the 
 work of years of toil, and has been recently perfected by George 
 Townsend, whose Bible has been reprinted in this country, but 
 as yet is known to but few of the many who value the Bible as 
 the best of Books." 
 
 " This gentleman," thought Mrs. Smith, " must be a minister; 
 but of what sect ? I will certainly contrive to make him show 
 his hand." 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 In which Mrs. Smith describes the " Virtuous Indignation Society" of Baby 
 lon the Less Mrs. Tripp s account of Mrs. Van Dam s proposed re 
 union with her husband The Gentleman in Black shows the sad conse 
 quences, should the example of Zaccheus be adopted by the people of 
 Babylon Cites the probable effects in " Change Alley," and in the cir 
 cles of Mrs. Smith s fashionable friends Mrs. Smith makes a discovery 
 as to the pursuits of the Gentleman in Black, who claims the paternity of 
 Fourierism. 
 
 THE Gentleman in Black, having replaced the volume on the 
 shelf of the library, stood, for a moment, ranging his eye along 
 the shelves ; when, as if a thought had presented itself, he turned 
 towards Mrs. Smith, who was herself occupied with the design 
 she had formed, how best to direct the conversation to discover 
 who her guest was ; and after a slight embarrassment, in which 
 
REV. DOCT. VERDANT GREEN. 77 
 
 both seemed to participate, as if their thoughts had been, perhaps, 
 discovered, he politely led the lady to her seat, and resumed his 
 own. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black once more filled the goblets, one of 
 which he manipulated as before, and handing it to Mrs. Smith, 
 bowed, as if expecting her to drink her glass with him ; this, how 
 ever, she quietly declined ; but the Gentleman in Black, saying 
 his drinking the wine of his own goblet would depend on her 
 pledging him, she bowed acquiescence, and reached to take the 
 glass, which, by some inconceivable carelessness on her part, she 
 again upset. 
 
 " There seems some fatality in all this," said Mrs. Smith ; 
 " and although I have no pledge to violate, my nerves seem deter 
 mined to play me false to-night." 
 
 "It is, indeed, very strange," replied the Gentleman in Black, 
 looking suspiciously around the room. "Allow me the pleasure 
 of refilling your goblet." 
 
 " Oh, no ! I will not tempt my fate farther !" said Mrs. Smith, 
 with one of her sweet smiles. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black was evidently disconcerted ; but after 
 drinking the wine in his own goblet, he renewed the conversation 
 by inquiring, "If the author of the volume of sermons which 
 was lying before him, on the table, was the parsonic-looking gen 
 tleman who seemed so devout, and devoted to the highly-dressed 
 lady in the black velvet dress, so richly endowed with diamonds?" 
 
 " No, indeed ! You have hit upon a very different character, 
 I assure you. That was the Rev. Dr. Verdant Green, a dis 
 tinguished divine among us, who is considered most eminently 
 Rubrical: 1 
 
 " However that may be," replied the Gentleman in Black, 
 with a smile, " I think there s no question of his being very ru- 
 bicund." 
 
 " Yes," said Mrs. Smith, with a gay laugh, " that is unquestion 
 able ; and can you tell me how it is that rubricity and rubicund- 
 ity should be so inseparable ?" 
 
 " It is very certain they are," replied the Gentleman in Black ; 
 " and I presume it arises from the universality of the rule, that 
 those who prescribe fasts to others, in order to preserve that due 
 equilibrium which is a law of Nature, replenish their own sto 
 machs while they keep others empty, so that the average is thus 
 preserved. May I ask, who was the lady ?" 
 
 " Is it possible that you don t know Mrs. Van Dam ? She 
 would be greatly offended to suppose it possible that she was un 
 known by any one of my guests ! Mrs. Van Dam is, as you 
 must have seen, a very distinguished personage, who aspires, not 
 
78 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 only to High Church in religion, but high rank in society. In 
 deed, she has been for the last three weeks, so my dear Mrs. 
 Tripp assured me, going the rounds of her cliques, expressing 
 her doubts and anxieties whether it would do to accept the in 
 vitation to my party; and has thus canvassed the upper circles 
 pretty extensively, and excited the several VIRTUOUS INDIGNATION 
 SOCIETIES no little, by her earnest questionings with those dis 
 posed to accept, and the earnest expression of her fears to those 
 who had accepted ; so that there was, for a while, much dubiety 
 with them, whether nine out of every ten invited, would accept 
 or decline ; but finding the Worths, and the Schuylers, and 
 other independent members, were not to be intimidated, and that 
 the current was setting in my favor, she relinquished the effort, 
 and making a virtue of necessity, conferred upon me the distin 
 guished honor of her own acceptance, securing for me, at the 
 same time, the light of the countenance of the Rev. Dr. Verdant 
 Green, whom the wicked world calls her shadow." 
 
 "VIRTUOUS INDIGNATION SOCIETIES! I am acquainted with 
 very many societies, but I have never before heard of these." 
 
 " Is it possible ! I assure you these societies are very nume 
 rous among us," replied Mrs. Smith, " and exist, not only in our 
 cities, but in all our towns and villages. They consist* of those 
 alarmingly proper persons who deem themselves the conservators 
 of public morals, and guardians of the public peace. They meet 
 twice a week, or oftener, and two are deemed a quorum for the 
 transaction of the business of the society : their meetings are held 
 usually at each other s houses, but may be held at the opera- 
 house, or the church, or indeed wherever and whenever the 
 opportunity shall present itself. They do not always take this 
 distinctive appellation, but sometimes are known as The Select 
 Sewing Circle, 1 or Our Set? or some such cognomen; but 
 by whatever title they are known, they become the most for 
 midable of all inquisitors, each of whom, like the celebrated 
 Council of Ten, have their Lion s-Mouth always open to receive 
 all manner of missives and rumors, to the injury of their own 
 peculiar and dear five hundred friends." 
 
 "May I ask how they carry their mandates into effect?" 
 inquired the Gentleman in Black. 
 
 " Oh ! unhappily, this is no difficult task, inasmuch as they 
 are banded together to carry into effect their dreaded determi 
 nations. Of the most active and efficient of these in our city, 
 none can exceed my own special and dear friend Mrs. Tripp, 
 whose sagacity and satire can never be over-tasked in this labor 
 of love, and whose zeal sometimes, finding itself unsupplied with 
 the necessary victims to be broken on the wheel of the Virtuous 
 
VIRTUOUS INDIGNATION SOCIETIES. 79 
 
 Indignation Society, has often, with unsurpassed skill, managed 
 to use up the several members constituting the venerable Council 
 of Ten themselves, of whom Mrs. Van Dam has assumed the 
 Dogess-ship ; placing them, like another Phalaris,* in the Brazen 
 Bull they have created for others, and blowing up the flames with 
 her own mouth ; so that she has become quite a formidable person 
 age, and has fairly succeeded, from their very dread of her, in 
 obtaining her position in the first circles of Babylon the Less, and 
 which few dare question ; and it is only once in a while that the 
 Van Tromps and Van Dams venture to leave her and her fair 
 daughters at home, as in the instance of Katrine Van Tromp s 
 fancy dress-ball. 
 
 " Now, the labors of the several Virtuous Indignation Societies 
 were especially directed to prevent Col. Worth and his lady and 
 lovely daughter from accepting my invitations ; and their prompt 
 and polite acceptance was of the first importance to me ; and 
 their presence to-night did me infinite service." 
 
 " May I ask if the young lady whose graceful contour and 
 beautiful bust made her the observed of all observers, and to 
 whom De Lisle seemed so willing to attach himself, is the heiress 
 of the Worths of whom you speak?" 
 
 " Yes, De Lisle seemed to me attracted by her beauty. He is 
 eminently talented, and is so sought for by the Van Dams and 
 Van Tromps, and all of that set, that it was quite a triumph for 
 me to have secured him. What did you think of Grace Worth ? 
 How did she impress you ?" 
 
 44 1 assure you, my dear madam, I was every way prepossessed 
 in her favor, by the modesty, almost timidity, of her demeanor ; 
 so entirely free from all art and mannerism ; her face, too, has 
 that sweet aspect of simplicity which is the surest index of purity 
 of heart, and which no art can create ; and yet her bearing had in 
 it an air of reserve that would have been hauteur, were it not for 
 the unaffected purity and sweetness of her countenance." 
 
 " It is true, she is deemed, I believe, somewhat reserved ; but 
 to me she has this evening shown the most perfect and even 
 affectionate kindness, and made every effort to relieve me from 
 the embarrassments by which I was surrounded ; and all this, I 
 
 * Perillus, the Athenian, cast a brazen bull for Phalaris, the tyrant of 
 Sicily, with such cunning that the offenders put into it, feeling the heat of 
 the fire under it, seemed not to cry with a human voice, but to roar like a 
 bull! When he came to demand a recompense for his pains, by order of the 
 tyrant, he was put into it, to show proof of his own invention. 
 " Peril lus, roasted in the bull he made, 
 Gave the first proof of his own cruel trade." 
 
 OVID, SABELL. EXCEP., 1. 10, ch. 4. 
 
80 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 am sure, was in her the natural expression of sympathy the 
 most precious and acceptable. To the Colonel and his excellent 
 lady I am under infinite obligations for their kind attentions to me 
 at the moment when they were most needed. Indeed, I don t 
 believe I could have preserved my self-possession, but for these 
 manifestations of kindness and sympathy." 
 
 "And do you so soon forget those of Mr. De Lisle?" said 
 the Gentleman in Black, with a smile. 
 
 " Oh no ! and if I could, I would confer on him the highest 
 reward, and which I am sure he would deem such, by securing 
 for him the preference Grace Worth has unconsciously to herself 
 won from him." 
 
 " You know them intimately, then ? I thought they were 
 unknown to you before this evening, except as members of the 
 upper circles of this city." 
 
 "And so they all were." 
 
 "Indeed! And how do you .gain all this insight into secrets, 
 which are usually kept so close, of persons seen this evening for 
 the first time ?" 
 
 "Ah!" replied Mrs. Smith, with earnestness, and a glance 
 which made the Gentleman in Black tremble with emotion, 
 " there are beams of light which reveal the recesses of the soul, 
 and such a glance I saw flashing in De Lisle s face from the 
 depths of his heart, and of which I am sure he was himself as 
 unconscious as I know the beautiful girl must have been upon 
 whom it was bestowed." 
 
 " Pardon me, madam, if I inquire how you can be so certain 
 of this, and how it was that you only should happen to see it ? 
 These very modest, lovely girls have wonderful tact in not seem 
 ing to see what, after all, they have most perfectly observed." 
 
 " It was a glance," replied Mrs. Smith, " from Mr. De Lisle, 
 as he stood behind Miss Worth, whom he led up toward me, 
 and was excited doubtless by his admiration of her affectionate 
 kindness, as she approached me with a smile of sympathy in my 
 misfortunes caused by the shower of spermaceti from those vile 
 candles, and of which Grace had a full sprinkling upon her 
 beautiful shoulders. I told her * there was no one but herself 
 who could receive such a powdering without a contrast invidious 
 to their skins. A poor compliment, I confess, but which she 
 received with the most cheerful air of satisfaction, as if she was 
 willing that anything should be a full compensation of her 
 share of the general calamity." 
 
 " The reverend Doctor Verdant Green did not bear his share 
 of powder with the same equanimity," the Gentleman in Black 
 replied, smiling significantly. 
 
VIRTUOUS INDIGNATION SOCIETY. 81 
 
 " So it seemed ; and I thought Mrs. Van Dam was more 
 distressed at the small stream down the back of his coat, than at 
 the cup-full she so justly received upon her own rich dress." 
 
 " I was just at his elbow when the reverend Doctor received 
 his effusion, and though it was not unlike the holy oil poured on 
 the beard of Aaron, in running down in an unbroken stream to 
 the hems of the garment, it was far from being as graciously as 
 it was warmly received. His ill-suppressed vexation," continued 
 the Gentleman in Black, " was very amusing. I knew he must 
 be a clergyman of some sort, and thought he might be a Catholic 
 priest." 
 
 " Indeed ? why so?" 
 
 " It is not always easy to give a reason for our impressions, 
 but from the cut of his coat, which is, you know, single-breasted, 
 buttoned high to the neck ; the peculiarity of his white stock ; 
 the transparent ruby redness of his cheeks, and of the skin behind 
 his ears, and a certain rotundity -which marks such men, assured 
 me he was of a class who deal in dogmas and good dinners. 
 And then he evidently took me for a gentleman of the cloth, and 
 addressed me in that conventional form and phrase which are 
 customary among these men ; a certain pastoral and patronizing 
 manner, which is very taking with some folks." 
 
 " May I ask if the Doctor is a member of the society you have 
 just described?" inquired the Gentleman in Black. 
 
 " The Virtuous Indignation Society? No ; this is exclusively 
 a Ladies Society, and certain gentlemen only are admitted as 
 honorary members. There was quite a contest, I am told, by 
 Mrs. Tripp, as to the propriety of his admission ; and in speaking 
 of this contest, Mrs. Tripp gave me a somewhat amusing account 
 of a transaction in which the Doctor was to have acted a conspi 
 cuous part, and which was related in her best style." 
 
 " Do let me have the pleasure of hearing it !" 
 
 " It has no immediate relation to his election ; but was told me 
 by Mrs. Tripp, during her first call, when, as I have told you, 
 she did me the kindness to tell me of the efforts Mrs. Van Dam 
 had made to exclude me from the circles of the * upper ten thou 
 sand of Babylon the Less." 
 
 " I shall be exceedingly gratified by a specimen of this lady s 
 talents." 
 
 * I wish it were possible for me to give it to you with all her sig 
 nificant looks and intonations of voice ; but these are inimitable." 
 
 * I will attempt to realize them ; so pray begin." 
 
 Mrs. Smith, smiling, with a lively tone and manner, commenced 
 the narration as requested. 
 
 " Mrs. Van Dam, so says Mrs. Tripp, was sought and won 
 6 
 
82 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 when a young girl, by General Van Dam, the only child of an 
 old Dutch merchant, who was most pugnaciously attached to 
 the Reformed Dutch Church, of which he was an elder, and to 
 the High Dutch language, by which he had been initiated into its 
 doctrines, so that though living so many years in Babylon, he 
 never attained any more of our language than enabled him to 
 transact the business of his commercial house. And when his 
 only son and heir communicated to his father his wish to marry, 
 the old merchant gave his consent only on condition of the cere 
 mony being performed by his pastor in Low Dutch, with which 
 the General was familiar from childhood, but of which the 
 young lady was totally ignorant. She, however, made no objec-j 
 tion ; the wealth of the father was great and she was poor, and a 
 husband was not to be declined on such conditions, which, though 
 they seem strange enough, were at that time to her a matter of 
 perfect indifference. So the ceremony took place in accordance 
 with the father s wishes. 
 
 "During his lifetime, they resided in the lower part of the city, 
 but as soon after as was convenient they removed to their present 
 beautiful residence up town ; and finding the aristocracy were 
 mostly associated with the Church, she at length succeeded in 
 persuading her husband that it was too far to attend the old Dutch 
 Church, and he reluctantly consented that she should come under 
 the pastoral care and guidance of the Rev. Dr. Verdant Green, 
 Rector of one of the most numerously attended churches of the 
 city. Here she became indoctrinated into all the claims of The 
 Church, and the peculiar dignity and sanctity of its rites. For 
 the first time in her life she felt an inquietude as to the validity of 
 her marriage, though the presence of four sons and five daughters, 
 all in due course of time, one would have supposed would have 
 left her in no doubt that the relations of married life had been 
 fairly and fully established : still her conscience became very 
 tender under the dreadful consciousness that she had never been 
 married in accordance with the claims of The Church : and 
 this state of mind was greatly increased by so often hearing from 
 certain very devout ladies, who were ignorant of her early life, 
 that in their opinion all persons, in the condition in which she found 
 herself, were living in a dreadful state of open sin. Not that 
 the Doctor taught this so palpably, though she felt that this was a 
 fair and necessary deduction of the doctrines she frequently heard 
 from him. What could she do? She feared to lose the good 
 opinion of these pious ladies, and almost as a necessary result, 
 she became more and more devout, hoping to compensate for her 
 sin by the increased strictness of her conformity to The Church, 
 so that she became quite a saint, and well fitted for the Dogess- 
 
MRS. VAN DAM S ORATORY. 83 
 
 ship of the Virtuous Indignation Society, which by common 
 consent was assigned to her. 
 
 " In her dressing-room, which opened into her chamber, and 
 which she styled her oratory, there stood a large mahogany ward 
 robe, so it seemed to the General, who was never permitted to 
 more than look in at the door, as it was casually opened ; and 
 so jealous had the lady become of even these glimpses, that 
 unconsciously to himself there arose in the mind of the General 
 a wish to see more of this sanctum of his wife. Not that he had 
 any jealousy in all this, for the room only opened into the 
 chamber; but we naturally wish to pry into that from which we 
 are sedulously shut out." 
 
 " I did not know," said the Gentleman in Black, " that this 
 extended to gentlemen." 
 
 " I believe it is an infirmity of our natures, not restricted to our 
 sex," replied Mrs. Smith, and with great vivacity of manner she 
 continued : 
 
 " It chanced one day that an alarm of fire was given in the 
 house, just at the hour observed by Mrs. Van Dam for her devotions. 
 Of course it reached the lady, who flew down stairs, leaving her 
 oratory and chamber doors open. The General was the first to 
 return to the chamber, and seeing the oratory door open, walked 
 in: what was his surprise to find the wardrobe with its doors 
 wide open, presenting to him, not a string of dresses, but a sort 
 of altar-piece ! On a marble bracket was a beautiful crucifix with 
 an ivory Saviour; behind this, a picture of the Madonna, with her 
 burning and bleeding heart, and its piercing thorns, and on the 
 sides were pictures of some seraphic saints with their sculls and 
 cross-bones ; and from a shelf on which lay her prayer-book- 
 there was a beautiful curtain hanging, on which was embroidered, 
 in gold, a small fish. The General gazed on all this in astonish 
 ment. 
 
 " Can you tell me, my dear sir, what this fish has to do with 
 an oratory? I asked Mrs. Tripp to explain it, and she was at 
 fault, though she said, I might depend upon it it was really so, and 
 she thought it might be some sort of a symbol, and for the same 
 purpose as the great cod-fish in the Hall of the Representatives 
 of her native state;* but when I asked, * what this purpose was, 
 and whether the people of her state really worshipped a cod-fish, 
 she confessed * she could not tell, only she had seen the one with 
 her own eyes, and had every reason to believe it was really so, 
 in Mrs. Van Dam s oratory. Now before I go on, will you do 
 
 * A codfish, as large as life, hangs from the ceiling of the Hall of the House 
 of Representatives of Massachusetts. 
 
84 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 me the favor to tell me if it be indeed a symbol, and if so, of what ? 
 for I confess this is the only thing in Mrs. Tripp s story which 
 struck me as improbable." 
 
 " I believe it is derived from the fact, that in the Greek name 
 for fish (Ichthus) the words I. H. S. occur, and the fish indicates 
 the same idea as the I. H. S., which is the more common symbol 
 of JESUS HOMINIS SALVATOR." 
 
 " I m very much obliged to you ; and yet what a strange 
 symbol a fish is, to indicate that JESUS CHRIST is the Saviour of 
 men !" 
 
 " Certainly it is ; but won t you proceed ? I am quite interested 
 to hear how all this ended." 
 
 " The pious lady," continued Mrs. Smith, smiling very kindly, 
 " having finished her scolding of the servants, whose carelessness 
 in setting on fire a horse-full of clothing had caused the alarm, 
 bethought herself of her prayers, and that her oratory door was 
 open ; so she flew up stairs in breathless haste, and there found 
 the General in a state of amazement gazing into her sanctum 
 sanctorum. His first question was sternly to inquire, Have 
 you, madam, become a Roman Catholic? Oh, dear husband, 
 no no, indeed ! What do all these things mean, then ? 
 1 Mean, dearest ? they are only helps to my devotions. I 
 assure you I m no Romanist; see, here is the only prayer-book 
 I ever use, and I desire no other." 
 
 " The General was satisfied only when he had read on the title- 
 page in large type, * The Book of Common Prayer, according to 
 the use of the Protestant Episcopal Church in the United States. 
 It was fortunate that it lay open on the reading-shelf; and the 
 well-thumbed leaves and the worn velvet cushion on which she 
 knelt were witnesses for her truth; so that, from a feeling of 
 painful surprise, the General s mind now looked upon all this 
 secrecy and seclusion as something very amusing; and his merry 
 face encouraged his lady to speak the secret of her soul, and to 
 beg him to save her from the condemnation of her own conscience, 
 and to consent to have the marriage rite duly performed by the 
 Rev. Dr. Verdant Green. The General mused awhile, with 
 some very funny thoughts in his head, and then taking his wife 
 by the shoulders, he turned her round and round, all the while 
 scanning her with a very smiling aspect: * Really, said he, I 
 am exceedingly surprised at your proposal: but let us see once 
 more how you look. Yes, you are still a fine-looking lady ; 
 please open your mouth ; yes, your teeth are sound ; your skin 
 is still fair, and your eyes bright ; and I doubt, said he, musing 
 a moment, * if I could do better. But, my dear, how few men 
 there are in Babylon who would marry their wives after having 
 
THE PROPOSED RE-UNION OF MRS. VAN DAM. 85 
 
 had them for twenty years ! But after all, I think I will ; I don t 
 believe I could better myself. 
 
 " So saying, he kissed Mrs. Van Dam very earnestly and 
 
 tenderly. The lady was delighted" 
 
 " At being so warmly caressed ?" inquired the Gentleman in 
 Black, smiling. 
 
 "If you interrupt me," said Mrs. Smith, "I won t proceed." 
 "I pray you to pardon me. I won t offend again." 
 " On this condition only will I end this story. The General 
 promised to marry her again, and kissing her, took his leave 
 of her. Mrs. Van Dam went immediately round to her pious 
 friends, and with tears of joy, told them of her happiness, and 
 invited them to corne that very evening to her house to witness 
 the solemn service. These visits, and giving the necessary orders 
 for suitable entertainment, occupied her fully during the day. 
 About eight o clock in the evening, the General and his sons 
 returned home, and found in the saloons quite a party of his 
 wife s most select friends. They all seemed more than usually 
 glad to see the General ; and the ladies especially gave him more 
 than their accustomed warmth of pressure, while their eyes 
 beamed upon him with looks of tenderness and love. The 
 General noticed this, and also that when it was over, the party 
 seemed to relax into a sobriety of manner and whispering in their 
 conversation, which in a short time made him feel as if this was 
 more like a Quaker meeting than a fashionable party. Nor was 
 this feeling lessened when he saw the velvet-covered and golden- 
 clasped prayer-book of his wife lying on a small table, on which 
 was a magnificent lamp, whose light made it a most conspicuous 
 object of observation. There was evidently the hush of expec 
 tation ; but where were his wife and daughters? They seemed 
 all to have disappeared. Finding himself somewhat mystified, 
 he whispered to a sweet, witching widow, with whom he loved 
 to jest, as married men do though I think it s very wrong," said 
 Mrs. Smith, trying to look severe; "so giving her a gentle 
 pressure on her shoulder, he asked, * What has become of my 
 wife ? The young widow in an instant rose, and led him into 
 the entry, and said, with the most speaking eyes, Do you want 
 to see her very much ? Oh ! she s so lovely to-night! Ah ! you 
 are a happy man; such a wife as you will get! If I could make 
 an exchange now, how tempted I should be!* My dear lady, 
 said the General, 4 pray be serious for this once, and tell me 
 where are my lady-folks? Oh, you are so impatient! was 
 the widow s reply ; I m sure you are not wont to be so ; but I 
 forgive you for this once. Dr. Verdant Green has not yet come ; 
 and you know there s no time lost. What did the widow 
 
86 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 mean? who could tell? She would not, but with a gay laugh, 
 led him up the stairs, into his own bed-chamber, and opening the 
 door, exclaimed, * Here, dear Mrs. Van Dam, is the most im 
 patient of all grooms I ve seen for these seven years !" 
 
 "The room was dazzling with light; Mrs. Van Dam, most 
 magnificently dressed in white satin and lace; her diamonds shone 
 from a coronet which encircled her brow, and from the back of 
 her hair, which is, you know, still very rich and luxuriant, there 
 depended a lace veil of great beauty. Altogether, she must have 
 been worth seeing; and as if such a vision was not in itself suffi 
 ciently brilliant, there stood her daughters, all radiant in Swiss 
 muslin dresses, with Camilla japonicas in their hair, and the 
 simplicity of their adornments beautifully contrasted and height 
 ened the effect of their dear mamma s. 
 
 " The effect upon the General was certainly very astounding. 
 His wife came forward and kissed him most tenderly : Dear 
 General, she said, * what has kept you so long ? I feared you 
 would be late. To all which the General replied, in a voice 
 which was not half so sweet as the lady s, though it was dis 
 tinctly heard by several who sat near the doors of the saloons 
 below stairs: Donder and blixum! (his favorite phrase,) what 
 does all this mean ? 4 Heavens ! exclaimed his wife, * do you 
 ask me what all this means ! Did you not promise to marry me 
 this very morning ? * Yes, indeed ; I remember I made some 
 such rash promise; but did you invite these people here to wit 
 ness the ceremony ? Certainly, I did ; and I am gratified to 
 say, they are delighted and edified by your conduct. And who 
 is to be the priest ? Who ! Dr. Verdant Green : who else 
 should I think of having? * And has Dr. Verdant Green coun 
 selled this reunion ? No, said Mrs. Van Dam ; my friends 
 thought he had better be as surprised as we are sure he will be 
 delighted. 
 
 44 The General having surveyed all the embarrassments with 
 which his wife had so sedulously and ingeniously surrounded 
 him, now began to look around with an air not so savage as he 
 had worn, and seeing his daughters all so beautifully dressed, he 
 asked them, * What part they were to play in the tragedy to be 
 performed ? They replied, very sweetly and innocently, That 
 they were to be mother s bride* s-maids ! This was too much 
 for the General, who now relieved himself with a burst of laugh 
 ter, long and loud, which fairly shook the house. His wife, ter 
 rified beyond measure, asked him, in a tone of agony, Did you 
 not this very morning promise to marry me? My dear wife, 
 he replied, 4 1 did ; though I am still surprised at your venturing 
 upon such a request; but I did not think you would wish me to do 
 
OF THE MORIAH CHURCH. 87 
 
 so in the presence of others. But why not? asked Mrs. Van 
 Dam, in the utmost terror, foreboding, after all, a refusal of her 
 heart s desire. Why not ? because, replied the General, in a tone 
 of asperity, notwithstanding all his previous mirth, * if you are 
 willing to pass an Act of Bastardy upon my children, I am not / 
 The poor lady all but swooned. She saw in an instant that this 
 was a new view of matters, which had never occurred to her. 
 The General returned to the saloons, and pleaded an engagement 
 to the party, and left the house. The young widow told them 
 the scene above stairs, with the utmost particularity. Poor Mrs. 
 Van Dam had not, strength to return to her friends, but awaited 
 the coming of the Rev. Dr. Verdant Green, to whom she told 
 her griefs. The party, in the mean time, thought it best to re 
 tire, asking no questions as to the cause of the failure of the 
 marriage ceremony, from which they had hoped so much by way 
 of an example to others ; and as most of these ladies were mem 
 bers of the Virtuous Indignation Society, all these particulars 
 were naturally told to Mrs. Tripp, my very agreeable informant, 
 who closed her narration by saying, with her significant look and 
 smile, * The Doctor found some soothing emollient for her tender 
 conscience, and so has reconciled her to continue as the General s 
 wife. " 
 
 " And is Mrs. Tripp a member of the church ?" inquired the 
 Gentleman in Black. 
 
 " Not a member of the church, but yet a most active and 
 zealous member of the Moriah Church, to which she is most ex 
 clusively devoted." 
 
 " And what church is this ?" 
 
 " And are you so little acquainted with our city as not to know ? 
 I thought you were well acquainted in our city." 
 
 " The truth is, my dear madam, I have but just returned, after 
 an absence of some six years, and your churches spring up in 
 such variety of sects, and so like mushrooms, that of the pecu 
 liarity of the church you speak of, I am ignorant. What is the 
 creed of this church ?" 
 
 * Oh, that is indeed the peculiarity of the Moriah Church, that 
 they have no creed." 
 
 " No creed !" 
 
 " No ! their religion is not one of faith, but of negations ; and 
 Mrs. Tripp can better tell you what she does not believe, than 
 what she does. Religion, by these people, is stripped of all its 
 mysteries. It is submitted to an exhausting process, by which it 
 is reduced to its lowest term. They affirm that the writers of 
 the New Testament were not, properly speaking, inspired, nor 
 
88 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 infallible guides in divine matters ; that Jesus Christ did not die 
 for our sins, nor is the proper object of worship, nor even im 
 peccable ; that there is not any provision made in the sanctifica- 
 tion of the Spirit for the aid of spiritual maladies ; that there is 
 no intercessor at the right hand of God ; that Christ is not pre 
 sent with his saints, nor his saints, when they quit the body, 
 present with the Lord ; that man is not composed of a material 
 and an immaterial principle, but consists of merely organized 
 matter, which is totally dissolved at death."* 
 
 " And do they call themselves Christians?" 
 
 " To be sure they do ! and I am told Mrs. Tripp s malice 
 against the venerable Council of Ten is more provoked by their 
 denial that she is a Christian, than by any slights that they have 
 put upon her. Indeed, she has ever manifested the greatest 
 anxiety to win the suffrages of orthodox Christians on this very 
 point ; and in this way she shows most clearly the misgivings of 
 her own soul in the soundness and safety of her religious opin 
 ions." 
 
 " Is it not strange ? What need Mrs. Tripp care for the opinions 
 of others ?" 
 
 " Not to me strange. There are not many who are certain that 
 they hold just the right form of faith ; and of those who are cer 
 tain of their faith, there are but few who have not moments of 
 fear as to their practice. Indeed, what is more common than to 
 hear, every Sunday morning, people whose conduct during the 
 week has been distinguished by some fair business transaction, 
 making the most humble confession of being i miserable offend 
 ers ; and yet I never heard or read of but one Zaccheus !" 
 
 " Zaccheus is indeed an original ! but, my dear madam, you cer 
 tainly would not wish every one to follow his example ?" 
 
 " Certainly, I would !" 
 
 " And make restitution of all the wrongs they had done the 
 week before ?" 
 
 "Yes; and why not?" 
 
 " For the most obvious reason in the world. It would set every 
 body by the ears, and derange the whole machinery of society." 
 
 " I don t see how this could be." 
 
 " Let me explain. Now we will suppose that on some bright 
 star-lit night, a flaming sword were to be seen gleaming in the 
 skies over the city of Babylon the Less; and while the fearful 
 portent was filling all hearts with dread, some Hydrarchos-Silli- 
 manii, or some such huge monster of the deep, should be seen 
 coming up the bay, and were to vomit upon the Battery another 
 
 * Robert Hall. 
 
EVIL EXAMPLE OF ZACCHEUS. 89 
 
 Jonah, who should cry, * Wo ! wo ! to the inhabitants of Baby 
 lon ! Yet forty days, and Babylon shall be overthrown ! and 
 were to call upon the people to make restitution of all the frauds 
 and falsehoods, not of their whole lives, but of the forty days 
 previous ? Do you not see the evils which would result ?" 
 
 " No, I do not." 
 
 " Then, madam, have a little patience with me, and I will show 
 you a few examples, which would doubtless be but a specimen of 
 all the others. It would be impossible to describe the scenes 
 which any real effort made by the people of Babylon to make 
 restitution, would give rise to. The hopelessness of the quack 
 to restore to his numerous patrons the money paid for the Pills 
 of Life, Panaceas, and * Catholicons, all which, he well knew, 
 possessed in themselves none of the virtues ascribed to them, 
 would be but a type of thousands of the vendors of this city. But 
 let us suppose a scene in Change Alley. 
 
 " The last week of the forty days has now come. In the mean 
 time, it may be supposed, many would rely on the Reports of 
 the Learned Societies, (and which would doubtless be just such 
 as would best quiet the anxieties of the people, and best please 
 those who had no wish to disgorge their gains,) while the timor 
 ous had long been at work squaring up their accounts. Families 
 long separated had become reconciled ; unions which had been 
 postponed too long, would be solemnized, and the churches would 
 be well filled about those days; but in the higher ranks, where 
 these restitutions would become notorieties, and whose members 
 would be ashamed to follow the example of the vulgar, there 
 would be no one to break ground in this strange work ; and of 
 all the places, we may well believe, which would show signs of 
 restitution, Change Alley would be the last. But doubtless there 
 would be strange perplexities in the street? as they saw this 
 strange hairy Prophet, and heard him exclaim in their ears, 
 Wo! wo! and denounce them as they were once before de 
 nounced, when turned out of the Temple. 
 
 44 And the last week has come. The Honorable Board meets ; 
 the fancies are flat ; state stocks sinking below the sales of the 
 day before ; and city stocks dead on the hands of holders. No 
 business is done, and there they sit in silence. Those who, 
 twenty days before, were loudest in saying The old prophet was 
 a humbug ! the sword in the sky is only the tail of a comet ! 
 would now be heard to whisper their hopes that it would be so. 
 At length the words of Satan would be found to be true : All 
 that a man hath will he give for his life ; and a Jacob or a Joseph 
 would rise and say, 4 I am ready to make restitution of all my 
 moneyed transactions, within the last forty days. We may sup- 
 
90 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 pose the dismay which would follow, and the sad, silent, and 
 slow movements of the several members as they rose to make a 
 like avowal ; but then how to ascertain the true amounts to be 
 exchanged or paid over ! The difficulties in the way of making 
 an equation and settlement of their several cornerings and ham 
 merings of stock would be found insurmountable, and on the 
 last of the forty days they would sit like poor culprits under the 
 gallows, awaiting the fatal drop which was to land them in a 
 future state. 
 
 " I will give you a scene which might very likely take place 
 among these very friends of yours. Mrs. Tripp, finding the 
 Board of Brokers giving way to the panic, will have doubtless 
 recalled to her mind some shrewd and palpable hit which she has 
 placed upon the tender reputation of Mrs. Van Tromp and her 
 daughters. She sets out upon the painful pilgrimage of restitu 
 tion ; and first she goes to Mrs. Van Tromp s. She need not 
 feign any grief; that, in such a case, would be natural enough, 
 and it may be Mrs. Van Tromp had the same design of acknow 
 ledging her sins against Mrs. Tripp. They meet, and in tears 
 embrace each other, each anxious to save her life by a full con 
 fession. 
 
 " My dear Mrs. Van Tromp, I am pained to confess I have 
 sinned against you, by speaking of you in a way which I now 
 see to be very wrong indeed. Dear Mrs. Tripp, don t say this 
 to me ; it is I who must come to you with such sad disclosures. 
 
 * But I must be permitted to tell you. I have said, indeed I have, 
 many things I wish I had not ; and so, to begin, I have said that 
 you wore false hair. And I do, and so do you ; go on ; and 
 false teeth ; that s false. 4 And hearing of Jack Musard s atten 
 tions to Katrine, I hinted to him that he had better wait a while 
 and her form would be improved. * You did, indeed ! Yes, 
 indeed I did, and I come to make restitution to you first of all. 
 
 * Well, madam, I too have a small matter of the sort to settle with 
 you, and I too must confess I have not been much behind with 
 you, though I never could have believed it possible that even 
 your malice could have reached such a height as this. Pray 
 what have you done to me ? It is, indeed, but a trifle in the 
 comparison a mere nothing ; but I too must make you restitu 
 tion, and here it is. You know Mr. Winterbottom has had some 
 little liking for your divine Adela, which you have fostered as best 
 you could, and with some hopes of success. Now, to save him 
 from such a fate as a union with your daughter, I have told him 
 in all the confidence of friendship, within the last forty days, that 
 the recent attack of erysipelas which you know kept her to her 
 room for a fortnight, was nothing more nor less than scrofula. 
 
DANGERS OF RESTITUTION. 91 
 
 " Now, dear Mrs. Smith, what would be the result of such a 
 course of restitution ? Why these ladies would in all probability, 
 after mutual recriminations, fly at each other s faces, despoil each 
 other of their caps and hair, true or false, and as in the night 
 when the first-born of Egypt were slain, there was a great cry 
 in Egypt, for there was not a house where there was not one 
 dead, so it would be told, there was not a house in Babylon, 
 where there was not one or more such conflicts, with all their 
 attendant cries and shrieks. No, dear Mrs. Smith, don t think 
 restitution as among the things desirable, if it were possible." 
 
 " You have indeed shown it a work of greater difficulty and 
 hazard than I had conceived it could be. Alas! I have been 
 born into this world some centuries too soon. I do hope the time 
 will yet come when all the dreams of poets and prophets will be 
 realized, and when sin and slavery will be remembered no more 
 forever." 
 
 " And do you deem sin and slavery to be so closely linked to 
 gether ?" 
 
 " Yes, to me they seem inseparable ; and I never read of the 
 acknowledgments made by slaveholders of its being a social, 
 political and moral evil, * without a feeling that by such confes 
 sions they are laying a flattering unction to their souls, and like 
 so many of our Christians in Babylon, deem themselves absolved 
 from their sins, because they have made a penitent and full con 
 fession of their magnitude." 
 
 " Are you not too severe upon these holders of slaves ? They 
 were born to their inheritance, and it is a matter of self-preservi- 
 tion to retain their relations to them intact. I have thought 
 they made some mistake in their methods and management, and 
 feel assured I could make them many valuable suggestions, arising 
 from my own experience." 
 
 " Is it possible that I have been talking to a slave-holder, and 
 all this while took you for a clergyman of some sort ?" exclaimed 
 Mrs. Smith, in a tone of painful astonishment. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black seemed somewhat staggered at the 
 earnestness of the lady s exclamation, but soon recovered his self- 
 possession, and with an air of extreme frankness, and a smile 
 which greatly prepossessed Mrs. Smith in favor of any apology 
 he had to make for himself, he commenced: 
 
 "I assure you, my dear madam, such is the course of treatment 
 to which my slaves are subjected, so paternal are the relations 
 which subsist between us, that my enemies have sometimes had 
 the candor to call them my children, and to speak of me as 
 
 * Speech of Mr. Rives in the Senate of the United States. 
 
92 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 their father. And can that service be called servitude which is 
 freely rendered and delighted in ?" 
 
 "And do your slaves never run away?" inquired Mrs. Smith, 
 earnestly. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black was again for an instant embarrassed 
 by the directness of her inquiry, but with an amused smile, re 
 plied : 
 
 " The truth is, my dear madam, I do have now and then a slave 
 who pines for his native home, and who seeks his liberty ; and 
 in all such cases, if I cannot make my service agreeable to him, 
 I let him go where he pleases. What can be more fair than this ? 
 No abolitionist could ask for more." 
 
 " Nothing, surely," replied Mrs. Smith ; " but what are the 
 means you adopt to detain them ? This 1 must know before I can 
 give a just judgment in the case." 
 
 " Well, madam, if the disaffected is a young girl, as is often 
 the case, my overseers, who are very numerous, seek out for her 
 some attractive and fond lover, and so fill up the vacancy in her 
 heart, which is the cause of all this discontent; and if she has a 
 lover, he excites some young girl, perhaps prettier than herself, 
 to detach him from her, and this gives the mind all the occupa 
 tion that is needed in the case ; or sometimes a new play, or a 
 new dress, answers the purpose just as effectively, so that lovers 
 are the last thing resorted to by my agents." 
 
 " But should she be married ?" inquired Mrs. Smith. 
 % " Why then the case is more difficult ; but I have found a 
 new house very efficacious ; or if she have a good house, new 
 furniture ; and if she has these already, then it answers a good 
 purpose to put up some of her neighbors to outshine her ; to 
 leave her out of a party, or to get up a little scandal about her 
 husband or herself." 
 
 " Well, that is the queerest of all methods of making people 
 contented !" 
 
 " It does excellently well, I assure you, for whatever fills up 
 the mind, has the effect of expelling all this nostalgia, which is 
 the only source of disaffection I have to contend with. Marry 
 ing their children well, is another very good plan, and gives them 
 pleasant occupation while it lasts, and after a certain age they 
 never desire to leave their present modes of life and occupation. 
 
 " With my male slaves my course is somewhat different, as 
 you may well suppose, but I find means just as efficacious to 
 win them to my service." 
 
 " What is this certain period of life, of which you speak ?" 
 
 " I deem all who have passed the age of thirty-five as tole- 
 
OF FOURIERISM. 9o 
 
 rably safe ; but after fifty, it is very rare, indeed, for them ever 
 to desert me. All the inducements which the abolitionists are 
 able to present, either orally, or by their tracts, lose all power 
 over them, and their habits then become confirmed ; and their 
 duties to me are so light and easy, that they have no inquietudes, 
 and so become very grave and dutiful slaves in all time to come." 
 
 " Permit me to inquire how you employ all these slaves of 
 yours ?" asked the lady, whose good opinion of the Gentleman 
 in Black was evidently returning, which was evidenced by the 
 tones of kindness in which the question was asked. 
 
 " Here, dear Mrs. Smith, is the great secret of my success. 
 In connection with their entire freedom of religious opinions, I 
 give full and free license to all my slaves, young and old, men 
 and women, to do just what pleases them best, leaving to my 
 overseers, under my general supervision, to combine their several 
 employments for the advancement of my own especial interests." 
 
 "Indeed! then you have in fact put into successful operation 
 the ideal Phalanxes of Fourier, which have been so often at 
 tempted and failed; not, tis said, because there is any imperfec 
 tion in his theory, but because attempted by those but partially 
 acquainted with his system, and which every new association that 
 is formed, think they can mend." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black smiled very sweetly, and with an air 
 of extreme modesty, said : "I fear, dear Mrs. Smith, you will 
 think me somewhat arrogant and vain, if I should venture to say 
 that I believe Fourier has taken some of his ideas from me, and 
 that his system is, substantially, my own ; though if I said this 
 to the world, I should doubtless be challenged on all sides, and I 
 am the more diffident, inasmuch as Mr. Robert Owen is in the 
 field before me, who assured me in person, that Fourier never 
 knew why a Phalanstery should consist of two thousand rather 
 than any other number, till he told him the reason." 
 
 " And why two thousand? I m sure I don t know, though I 
 have heard a great deal of associations, * harmonies of nature, 
 and industry, and phalanxes, talked into me by many of my fair 
 friends, who seem bent on renovating the world." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black looked inquiringly into the face of 
 Mrs. Smith, but it was radiant with spirit and innocence, alive 
 only to the interest she took in the discussion. He continued : 
 * It has been deemed a great discovery, which Fourier claims to 
 be peculiarly his own, though in this, as in all such questions, 
 there are hundreds who have in centuries past had their Repub 
 lics, their Utopias, and Oceanas, by which the world was to 
 be perfected, and all sin and misery annihilated, when the days 
 of Paradise are to be renewed, and the face of the earth again to 
 
94 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 blossom and bloom like the Garden of Eden. Fourier has gone 
 yet farther, for he suggests, that the aromas arising from the earth 
 being condensed in accordance with the action of certain laws, 
 would gradually form beautiful planes or rings, which would add 
 to the beauty of our skies, like those of Saturn, and that the 
 Aurora Borealis would become what he styles a Boreal Crown, 
 of such intensity as to rescue the circum-polar regions from their 
 graves of ice, and warm them into life and vegetation." 
 
 " Well, it is a beautiful conception, and I wish it may be true." 
 
 "That the world is to be regenerated and redeemed, I also be 
 lieve ; though the way of attaining this grand result may not be 
 in the way projected by these Socialists." 
 
 "I have ever felt much interest and sympathy," said Mrs. 
 Smith, " in every plan which contemplates a higher degree of 
 civilization, and an advance in human happiness, though I must 
 confess I never could see how the conflicting passions of men 
 and women, and the desire of personal aggrandizement, could ever 
 be subverted, or so directed as to accomplish these desirable ends. 
 And now, will you tell me more of your methods of managing 
 your slaves, in accordance with the system of leaving every one 
 to do just what pleases him or her best?" 
 
 " This, madam, as I have before said, is the secret of my suc 
 cess and of their failures; but in my system I have been all the 
 while directing their energies secretly and silently; but with these 
 Social communities, there has been no such controlling intellect. 
 The system of Unitary Associations^ on paper, has had its 
 difficulties, even before being reduced to experiment; for when 
 asked, * In this system of every one doing only as he pleases, who 
 would please to do the dirty work, and act as the scavengers T 
 they were as effectively nonplussed as a distinguished senator in 
 the height of the year of nullification, when conversing with an old 
 statesman from the North, who chanced to be in the senate-cham 
 ber at the time, and to whom he was showing the feasibility of 
 his plan of a separate republic, by the inquiry, Where will you 
 go for your stevedores? Now this was a class of operatives 
 the Gentleman Planter had never heard of; and the old gentle 
 man assured him of the pleasure which it gave him to know that 
 there was one class of laborers which the new republic must im 
 port from their Northern neighbors ; one point of dependence 
 yet existing; one strand of the cable which yet held the states 
 together; but in the case of the Fourierists, this enigmatical 
 question, * Who would please to act as their scavengers ? was 
 solved by assigning these arduous and unpleasant duties to their 
 little children," 
 
THE SCAVENGERS IN PHALANSTERIES. 95 
 
 " To their little children !" exclaimed Mrs. Smith, in a tone 
 which spoke her utter abhorrence at the thought. 
 
 " Yes, madam, to their children, in whom they assumed to have 
 discovered a proclivity for such pursuits."* 
 
 "And where are the mothers to be found who would consent 
 that their children should be so employed ? even if there were 
 such degrading and disgusting tendencies in their natures, and 
 which seems to me to be a poor beginning of a system which 
 seeks to attain the perfectibility of human nature." 
 
 " The theory, madam, merges the individual affection in those 
 of the phalanx ; so that the present relations are to be subverted, 
 and the sympathies of parent and child are to be lost in the gene 
 ral good."t 
 
 "But can this, by any course of change in the conditions of 
 society, be attained ?" 
 
 "It is very confidently predicted that it can be and will be. * 
 
 "But even if it were possible, is it desirable ?" 
 
 " That is a question which presents the gist of the whole 
 theory. The Socialists deem it both desirable and attainable; 
 and the only way in which the present conditions of society, 
 which they hold with HOBBES to be a state of warfare, in which 
 each one seeks his own good at the cost of his neighbor, and that 
 the range of injury is graduated by the differences which exist in 
 the several states of individuals as to poverty and wealth ; and 
 the higher the scale of civilization, the wider the circle of objects 
 over which this principle of hostility, subversion, and injury 
 extends." 
 
 "Indeed, I fear there is some truth in this representation of 
 society as it now is ; but I can t conceive how the world is to be 
 renovated by the sacrifice of the relation of parent and child ; 
 
 * "In the gardens they (the little children) will grub up the noxious weeds, 
 in the kitchen they will turn the little spits, shell peas, sort the fruit, wash the 
 plates, etc." PARK GODWIN 
 
 t "Plato," in his "Republic," says: "Let the woman be held in common, let 
 the children be in common." This, however, is not adopted yet by the Socialists. 
 They, however, teach: "In general, we think it would be found that the groups 
 of nurses so excellent, the public halls so well adapted to health, and the ad 
 vantages every way so decided, that the larger part of the women would of 
 choice leave their children to the education of the proper groups, in which, 
 doubtless, the mother would be herself enrolled;" and to show the fallacy of 
 this last part of the sentence, and that it is thrown in merely as a make-weight, 
 the author on the same page teaches: "The number of women necessary to 
 the care of young children being limited, nature has given the inclination of that 
 kind of occupation to a few only." "It would be easy to assure ourselves 
 that this was the case, if the spirit of our present society did not oblige women, 
 to dissimulate and feign tastes that are often opposite to their very organiza 
 tion." PARK GODWIN. 
 
95 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 indeed, it is to me inconceivable how a mother can consent to 
 unite herself to such an association, or relinquish for a day the 
 care of her children to groups of nurses, even if they were 
 angels." 
 
 " My dear madam, children are very pretty in pictures, but are 
 often found to be sad realities in every day life." 
 
 "Heavens!" exclaimed Mrs. Smith, with an emotion which 
 suffused her eyes in tears, "how gladly would I sacrifice all the 
 splendor which surrounds me, to be possessed of but one beauti 
 ful and healthy infant !" 
 
 The Gentleman in Black was touched ; a smile of tenderness 
 and benevolence for an instant lit up his face and eyes, and made 
 him look as though transfigured into an angel of light ; but it soon 
 passed away, and the cold, calm look, which was sometimes dark 
 and sinister, resumed its place. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black upon slavery His manner of managing his slaves 
 Character of his girls Methods of keeping them quiet His opinion of 
 woman The religious character of his slaves their penances Contrasts 
 the superstitions of his serfs, with those of The Church The character of 
 monks and nuns Alvan Butler, on Purgatory Treatment of Satan by 
 the Fathers A fashionable monk, and fashionable life fourteen hundred 
 years ago St. Chrysostom on virgins. 
 
 MRS. SMITH hid her face in her hands, until she had regained 
 her self-possession ; when, looking up, she requested the Gen 
 tleman in Black to tell her more about his system of labor ; and 
 asked : 
 
 " What is the prevailing religion among your slaves ? I pre 
 sume they are, as all slaves are said to be, very religious ?" 
 
 " The religion of my slaves is various indeed," replied the 
 Gentleman in Black, with great vivacity, and an air of the utmost 
 frankness. " They are at liberty to worship as many gods as 
 they please, for I pride myself in being tolerant. Some of them 
 are rather lax, but most of them are very devout, and delight in 
 macerations, stripes, pilgrimages ; some again are exceedingly 
 dogmatical, and ready to fight for abstractions which no human 
 sagacity can make palpable even to themselves. It don t matter 
 
THE GENTLEMAN IN BLACK ON SLAVERY. 97 
 
 much to me what they worship. The idols of the imagination 
 are just as real as the idols of gold and silver, and those who 
 deem themselves too wise to worship the creations of art, are 
 those most devoted to the creations of fancy." 
 
 " You just now spoke of the efforts of the Abolitionists among 
 your slaves. And do you allow them to come upon your planta 
 tions ?" 
 
 " I can t help it, madam ; they will come, in spite of all I can 
 do; and so I do the best I can to weaken their influence, by 
 showing my slaves the folly of giving up the known for the un 
 known, the seen for the unseen ; and I am rarely unsuccessful, I 
 assure you. I must, however, confess to you, with much morti 
 fication on my part, that at the outset of their irruption into my 
 territory, I allowed my agents to apply Lynch Law to them pretty 
 actively and extensively ; but I found that so far from securing 
 my object, it made my slaves believe that that which was told 
 them by stealth, and at the risk of life and limb, must be some 
 thing specially desirable ; and in consequence of this mania, lost 
 my slaves in great numbers. Finding out my mistake, I changed 
 my policy : though on some of my plantations my agents still 
 adhere to this plan, believing it to be best to compel submission ; 
 but I assure you, my dear madam, it is against my enlightened 
 judgment in such cases, and which I everywhere disclaim and 
 deny as any part of my code of government. But what can I 
 do ? I can t be everywhere at once, and my agents will act as 
 they please when I m away." 
 
 " That s true," said Mrs. Smith; " your plan is certainly the 
 best, and I do wish our southern planters would adopt it; we 
 should not then have this hateful slave question with all its enor 
 mities, alienating one section of the country from the other." 
 
 " I am satisfied it is not only wisest, safest, and best for the 
 slaves, but for the masters, who have the curse of slavery resting 
 upon them." 
 
 " And do you speak of slavery as a curse resting upon the 
 masters?" 
 
 " Yes, madam, I do. The fetter and the chain which binds 
 the ankle of the slave is fastened to a galling collar encircling the 
 neck of the master;* and the only method I have found success 
 ful in relieving myself from inquietude was to adapt my service 
 to an exact accordance with the tastes and temperaments of my 
 bondsmen." 
 
 " I am sure you are amply repaid for any losses you may have 
 
 * St. Pierre. 
 
98 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 sustained, by the delightful consciousness that they feel your ser 
 vice to be one of choice and not of compulsion." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black bowed, with an air of extreme mo 
 desty, of one who blushed at the hearing his own praise so 
 sweetly spoken, and replied : 
 
 " It would not become me to speak in commendation of my 
 own lenity, but it is not uncommon for those who have left my 
 service to return ; and I assure you, in no instance have I, or my 
 agents, ever punished their delinquencies, but rather received 
 them as returning prodigals ; and of such I can truly say, that 
 their zeal in my service is greatly increased by such a course of 
 treatment." 
 
 " Indeed, sir, for one, I do not doubt it ; and only wish our 
 Southern gentlemen would take you for a pattern, in the manage 
 ment of their poor slaves, who if they are recovered, or return 
 from a fond desire of their old homes and associates, are too often 
 sold into some distant state, so that their last state is worse than 
 their first. " 
 
 " My dear madam, that s just what the Abolitionists tell my 
 bondsmen, but they themselves never complain of their reception 
 and subsequent treatment, so that all these representations of a 
 condition they never realize to be true, have only the effect to 
 rivet their attachment to my service the stronger." 
 
 " And are all your slaves productive workers ? This is con 
 templated, I believe, in all the Phalansteries of Unitative Asso- 
 ciationists." 
 
 " Oh no, madam, this making every man and woman a mere 
 working machine, is no part of my plan, and would be, as I be 
 lieve it ever will be, impracticable. But all my slaves doing just 
 what they please, please me in doing what they do." 
 
 " And yet you must have some very idle and worthless crea 
 tures among them, and such as you must find it hard to turn to 
 any good account. Is it not so ?" 
 
 " It is indeed so ; and sometimes I m puzzled to find out the 
 way of making some of my young girls of any sort of use what 
 ever. Their whole souls are devoted to the gratification of their 
 vanity, their love of admiration, dressing and undressing of them 
 selves ; and such is the wretched effect of pursuits so trivial and 
 contemptible, that their souls have no expansion, and their hearts 
 become incapable of any generous emotions. The sacrifice of a 
 single opportunity to exhibit their prettinesses causes a tempest 
 of passion hardly to be conceived of." 
 
 " I fear you are too severe upon the poor creatures. They 
 have but few objects to interest them, and naturally seek to attain 
 
BYRON S OPINION OF WOMEN. 99 
 
 that grace and beauty which is the secret of their strength and 
 influence." 
 
 "But it is not, if they knew it; they would be irresistible 
 could they but know that the attractions they covet are shallow 
 and worthless, and the beauty they so sedulously seek to heighten, 
 is only permanently influential when they possess those graces 
 of the mind and affections, and that gentleness and loveliness of 
 demeanor which they know is the highest attraction ; but of which 
 they rarely seek more than the shadow. One of their greatest 
 favorites, and whose poems they place under their pillows, and 
 on their centre-tables, has said of them : * Women were ever 
 fated to be my bane. Like Napoleon, I have always had a great 
 contempt for women ; and formed this opinion of them not hastily, 
 but from my own fatal experience. My writings, indeed, tend to 
 exalt the sex, and my imagination has always delighted in giving 
 them a beau ideal likeness, but I only drew them as a painter or 
 a sculptor would do as they should be. The Turks and East 
 ern people manage these matters better than we do : they lock 
 them up, and they are much happier. Give a woman a looking- 
 glass and a few sugar-plums, and she will be satisfied. * This pic 
 ture is drawn by one who has seen society in its highest forms, 
 and may be considered a capable judge. Tis true, there are a 
 few who are susceptible of a strong passion, which takes them 
 out of themselves, and whatever direction this takes, it is a sure 
 indication of a superior nature. Now, as I have said, they get 
 sometimes weary of the worthlessness of their pursuits, and an 
 abolitionist will sometimes inspire them with a strong desire for 
 the homes and skies of their forefathers, by picturing the beauty 
 and happiness they may attain by leaving my service ; and they 
 give me some trouble to reclaim them, though I am made to feel 
 that they are hardly worth the cost of the gew-gaws by which 
 they are won, and the exercise of the little arts by which they are 
 to be retained." 
 
 " But why keep them in your service ? "Why not let them 
 run, if they are desirous of going?" 
 
 " Ah, madam, whatever may be my real estimate of their cha 
 racters, they are, after all, essential and necessary to me." 
 
 " For what purpose, if they are so worthless in themselves ?" 
 
 " I must have them for wives and mothers. They are useful 
 to me in this way, that they keep up my stock of slaves, who 
 take their characters from their mothers ; and you can readily see 
 that I cannot aflbrd to lose them. Now there is nothing I so 
 much dread, as the influence of an intellectual female ; one whose 
 
 * Lord Byron s Conversations with Lieutenant Medwin. 
 
100 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 soul is the seat of all pure and generous emotions ; whose high 
 est happiness is found in the discharge of the domestic duties of 
 life ; whose sympathies are alive to all that is beautiful and true, 
 and whose mind is actively occupied in the attainment of all that 
 knowledge and literature, which give grace and charm to her con 
 versation, and makes her the companion and counsellor of her hus 
 band and his friends ; who enriches every topic by the beauty of 
 her imagination, and inspires in others the love of all that gentle 
 ness, purity and peace, which hallows and glows in her own soul; 
 such a female mind is the most attractive and most noble of all 
 the creations of Deity ; but they are not the sort of daughters, 
 wives and mothers that suit me, for they give me more trouble 
 than a thousand of such as I have described. Their children 
 seem formed for a higher condition than that to which they are 
 born, and are full of aspirations, which tis hard for me to repress 
 or subvert ; so you can readily see, that it would be greatly to my 
 injury to propagate a class of minds which I am compelled to re 
 verence and admire. Fortunately for me, most of my women 
 are * pleased with a rattle, and tickled by a straw. : 
 
 " I fear, sir," said Mrs. Smith, " you are a woman-hater. 
 Were you ever married ?" 
 
 The" Gentleman in Black changed color, and, for an instant, his 
 eye fell on the carpet ; and, in a tone so low as to be almost in 
 audible, he replied : " I am no woman-hater. I had hoped the 
 sentiments I have just expressed, would have satisfied you that 
 there are women whose virtues I appreciate, and whose worth I ac 
 knowledge." And musing for a moment, he continued " I be 
 lieve that if Christianity should be compelled to flee from the 
 mansions of the great, the Academies of the philosophers, or the 
 throng of busy men, we should find her last and purest retreat 
 with Woman at the fireside; her last altar would be the female 
 breast ; her last audience, the children gathered around the knees 
 of a mother; her last sacrifice, the secret prayer, escaping in si 
 lence from her lips, and heard only at the throne of GOD." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black remained silent, as if absorbed by re 
 collections which were full of tender and sad remembrances of 
 the past ; and Mrs. Smith felt she had unconsciously pained her 
 visitor by questions which were too sacred to be prosecuted fur 
 ther; and to change the subject, inquired: 
 
 " In what forms do the religious tendencies of our nature ex 
 hibit themselves among your slaves?" 
 
 "They are so various, madam, that it were a hard task to tell 
 you," replied the Gentleman in Black, with some what of his for 
 mer cheerfulness of manner. 
 
 " Will you not be pleased to tell me of some of them?" 
 
PENANCES OF THE EAST. 101 
 
 " They are, madam, characterized by penances of various sorts, 
 and especially as practised by those whom they style Tapas ; 
 whose prayers are earnestly solicited by those around them, who 
 minister to their wants and passions in every way possible. The 
 more painful and difficult these penances are, the more they are 
 revered. And these consist of standing on one foot, and holding 
 the other, at the same time, with their eyes fixed on the sun. 
 This is quite a distinguished penance. Others stand on the top 
 of their toes for a length of time which Fanny Elssler has never 
 attempted ; others are buried in the earth, with a pipe which sup 
 plies them with air and food; some stand on their heads, others 
 hang by the hands on a tree, or hang from the tree with their 
 heads downward ; all these penances are prescribed in their books, 
 which they style the Puranas. Some go about with their heads 
 turned upward to the heavens, and others with their arms crossed 
 on their breasts, in a thoughtful posture, and with downcast looks, 
 as if in profound meditation ; others, with their arms stretched out 
 horizontally, and some who are called Munis, are doomed to 
 perpetual silence. 
 
 "But while some of my slaves are doomed to a state of painful 
 immobility, others, called the Choura-asin, are in constant acti 
 vity, going through eighty-four sitting postures or changes, remark 
 able for their difficulty ; but the most singular of all their penances, 
 which they call the Kassali, and which is exquisitely painful, 
 consists in their standing with their bare feet upon the areka, or 
 betel-nut." 
 
 "Can t these be boiled soft?" inquired Mrs. Smith. "Would 
 it not be a kindness to translate for them Peter Pindar s Pilgrim 
 and the Peas ?" 
 
 " It would doubtless be a kindness," replied the Gentleman in 
 Black, smiling; "but these creatures are excessively attached to 
 these extreme tortures ; the least and most common of which is, 
 the elevation of the hands above the head, which is persevered in 
 till they become immovable, the finger-nails perforating the palms. 
 The Batsiri sit, never lying nor rising. Others hold their breath for 
 an incredible length of time, and others again sit surrounded with 
 four fires, at the cardinal points, intense as they can be borne. 
 Such are the favorite austerities of my Eastern serfs ; and though 
 they are of no value to me as producers, yet they keep the rest 
 of my slaves in due subjection to my overseers by their frightful 
 pictures of the future destinies of such as are refractory, which it 
 is their province to avert, and for which they are well paid : and 
 as most of these penances are necessarily of short duration, the 
 devotees gain by them a full scope for the indulgence of their 
 passions, without any loss of the respect of their devotees. On 
 
102 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 
 
 other plantations, the exhibition of the religious sentiment differs, 
 and the most sensible of them all, is the form adopted and prac 
 tised by the rudest of my bondsmen.* Their GOD is an ugly 
 image, before which their priests set a huge wheel on which 
 they nail the prayers for the day, which the priests turn round 
 with the utmost indifference, leaving it to the option of the image 
 to take notice of them or not, as it chooses." 
 
 " Your people are most miserably debased truly, and I wonder 
 you can consent to the continuance of such practices, which 
 would be deemed a disgrace in any age or country under the 
 influence of the Christian religion," said Mrs. Smith, with some 
 asperity of manner. 
 
 " Not so unlike those practised by the Christian Church, as you 
 may suppose," replied the Gentleman in Black, tartly. 
 
 " Indeed ! In what dark agq and country have ever such enor 
 mities been practised ? No, sir, you must pardon me ; I can t 
 believe you." 
 
 " You may believe me or not as you please, and as you think 
 so highly of the pure and pristine ages of the Church, I will, if 
 you please, enlighten you on this subject. I have the materials 
 at hand," said the Gentleman in Black, looking toward the fathers 
 of the church. 
 
 Mrs. Smith shook her head incredulously. 
 
 " I shall not undertake to show you the same disgusting exhibi 
 tions of self-inflicted tortures, imposed under the idea of propiti 
 ating heathen idols, but penances as utterly at war with the spirit 
 of Christianity, practised and praised by the saints in those early 
 ages of the Church, which some persons are pleased to regard 
 as the purest and the best. A system of self-immolation not 
 unlike what I have described to you as existing among my own 
 slaves, originated with Paul the Egyptian, who, in the seventh 
 persecution, retired to a private cave, and lived unseen, till St. 
 Anthony discovered him just before his death and buried him, 
 and took possession of his cave. The notion that the soul is 
 clogged by the body, and its virtues impeded by its connection 
 with it, operating on the indolent and melancholy turn of many 
 persons in the southern climate of Asia, especially of Egypt, led 
 them to affect an austere and solitary life, as destitute as possible 
 of everything that might pamper the body, or gratify those appe 
 tites and passions which were supposed to have their seat in the 
 flesh. Hence arose the notion of the greater purity and excel 
 lence of celibacy, of which I have spoken. It is the same 
 principle which has made Essenes among the Jews, Monks among 
 
 * The Calmuc Tartars. 
 
RISE OF MONACHISM. 103 
 
 the Christians, Dervises among the Mahommedans, and Fakirs 
 among the Hindoos.* Finding so many followers, St. Anthony 
 drew up his famous Rules and Orders, of which Erasmus speaks 
 in his colloquies, which are but transcripts of those institutes 
 Pythagoras imposed on his collegiates in order to their monastic 
 life, and which he brought out of Egypt when he forbade matri 
 mony to those of his sect, and constituted a cloister of nuns, over 
 which he placed his daughter.! 
 
 "And so utterly corrupt had the state of the church and the 
 Christian world become, that a distinguished writer, speaking of 
 this subject, says : Within two hundred years from the death 
 of Chrysostom, Mahomet broke upon the world, and the tempest 
 of heresy which he raised came as a blast of health upon the 
 nations. What Mahomet and his Caliphs found in all directions, 
 whither their cimeiars cut a path for them, was a superstition so 
 abject, an idolatry so gross and shameless, church doctrines so 
 arrogant, church practices so dissolute and puerile, that the strong- 
 minded Arabians felt themselves inspired anew, as GOD S mes 
 sengers, to reprove the errors of the world, and authorized as 
 GOD S avengers to punish apostate Christendom. "J 
 
 "All this is very startling," said Mrs. Smith; "but how are 
 such rhetorical assertions sustained ? Give me, if you please, a 
 bill of particulars." 
 
 " That is easily done ;" and rising from his seat, the Gentle 
 man in Black went to the cases and selected several of those old 
 patristic folios, and laying them on the table, continued the con 
 versation, by saying : 
 
 " In order to show you how nearly the self-sacrificing devotions 
 of my slaves resemble the practices of the early ages of the 
 Church, permit me to state to you the prevailing customs as they 
 are here stated," laying his hands on the volumes before him. 
 " According to their faith and zeal, these Recluses employed their 
 days, which were passed in their cells, either in vocal or mental 
 prayer : those associated in monasteries assembled in the evening, 
 and they were awakened in the morning, for the public worship 
 of the fraternity. Even sleep, the last refuge of the unhappy, was 
 rigorously measured : the vacant hours of the monk rolled along 
 without business or pleasure ; and before the close of each day, he 
 had repeatedly accused the tedious progress of the sun. In this 
 comfortless state, Superstition still pursued and tormented her 
 wretched votaries. The repose they sought was disturbed by a 
 tardy repentance, profane doubts and guilty desires ; and while 
 
 * Corruptions of Christianity, vol. ii., p. 386. See Mosheirn, vol. i. p. 307. 
 + Gale s Court of the Gentiles, vol. ii., p. 212. 
 \. Taylor s Ancient Christianity. 
 
104 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 they considered each natural impulse as an unpardonable sin, they 
 perpetually trembled on the edge of a flaming and bottomless 
 abyss. From the painful struggles of disease and despair, these 
 unhappy victims were relieved by madness or death. Their 
 visions, before they attained this extreme and acknowledged term 
 of frenzy, have afforded ample materials of supernatural history. 
 It was their firm persuasion that the air they breathed was peopled 
 with invisible enemies ; with innumerable demons, who watched 
 every occasion and assumed every form, to terrify, and above all, 
 to tempt their unguarded virtue.* 
 
 "In the performance of the penances they practised, stimulated 
 by applause and emulation, they sunk under the painful weight of 
 crosses and chains ; and their emaciated limbs were confined by 
 collars, bracelets, gauntlets and greaves, of massy and rigid iron. 
 All superfluous incumbrance of dress they contemptuously cast 
 away ; and some savage saints of both sexes have been admired, 
 whose naked bodies were only covered by their long hair ; they 
 allowed their beards and nails to grow, and sometimes became so 
 hirsute, as to be actually mistaken for hyaenas and bears.! Thus 
 they aspired to reduce themselves to the rude and miserable state 
 in which the human brute is scarcely distinguished above his 
 kindred animals : and a numerous sect of anachorets derived their 
 name from their humble practice of grazing in the fields of Meso 
 potamia with the common herd.J And so late as the tenth, 
 eleventh and twelfth centuries, the forests of France and Germany 
 were haunted by naked anachorets, who round the year, roamed 
 about, refusing even the comforts of a cavern, and were wont to 
 repose on the fresh-fallen snow. 
 
 "It is said of some of the Abbots of Egypt, that they had five, 
 seven, and even ten thousand monks under their direction ; and 
 the Thebais, as well as certain spots in Arabia, are reported as 
 literally crowded with solitaries. Seventy thousand, at the end 
 of the fourth century, of all classes, were at one time to be found 
 in Egypt alone, || so small a country as you well know this to be ; 
 and the writings of these fathers leave no doubt as to the preva 
 lence of the ascetic system throughout all the countries to which 
 they belonged ; namely, Syria, Egypt, Arabia, Asia Minor, 
 Thrace, Italy, Gaul, Spain and North Africa. They recount 
 with fervid eloquence their utter neglect of the body. In certain 
 
 * The devils were most formidable in a female shape. Rosweyde, 
 j- Taylor, p. 427, quoting Palladius. 
 
 J Gibbon, chap. 37. Theodoret has in a large volume the lives of these 
 grazing monks. 
 
 Fanaticism, p. 75. 
 
 J Fleury, Hist. EccL, quoted in "Corruptions of Christianity," vol. ii., p. 391. 
 
SUFFERINGS OF MONKS. 105 
 
 instances, the leathern girdle was found, after death, to have lodged 
 itself in the integuments of the loins, so as in ordinary cases to 
 have occasioned intense sufferings ; yet never had they betrayed 
 the secret to any one by any indications of uneasiness. And 
 instances still more extreme and far too revolting to describe, 
 abound in these records of Monachism."* 
 
 " What could have induced this horrid state of things ?" in 
 quired Mrs. Smith. 
 
 "It arose, madam, from the idea of expiation by these self- 
 inflicted torments. 
 
 ^ The doctrine of expiation, by penance in this life, of the pains 
 otherwise to be endured in purgatory, had taken fast hold of the 
 religious mind ; and in their pictures of purgatorial pains, the 
 fathers drew largely upon that special knowledge of the infernal 
 regions which the privileged commerce of the ascetics with devils 
 had so well supplied them ;t and some idea, madam, of their 
 extent and character may be attained by reading the Lives of the 
 Saints, by Rev. Alvan Butler, (a comparatively recent work,) 
 who says, * a soul, for one venial sin, shall suffer more than all 
 
 * Fanaticism, p. 74. 
 
 t The manner in which the devil has been treated by these saints, is most 
 wonderful. Southey says, "The part assigned to the devils in books of 
 Hagiography is that of the clown in pantomime ; and Grimaldi would have 
 represented him more to the life than Fuseli or Sir Thomas Lawrence have 
 done." The devil, he says, is represented as "beaten, trampled upon, pulled 
 by the nose, exhibited by St. Opportuna to all her nuns, like a beast in a cage, 
 outraged, taunted and put to shame in all manner of ways." The story of St. 
 Dunstan pulling the devil s nose may be found in Fuller s Worthies, vol. i., 327. 
 St. Dominic was very hard on the devil; at onetime he compelled him, 
 in the shape of a monkey, to hold a candle for him till it was burnt to the 
 last snuff. Another time, the devil having assumed the form of a flea, and 
 plagued the saint in his studies, he fastened him to the book he was reading, 
 and only allowed him to skip from one page to another as the saint himself 
 turned over the leaves ; for Dominic, instead of cracking him at once, made 
 him serve as his mark. The famous story of St. Dunstan is related at large by 
 Southey, Vind. Ecc. Angl., p. 269, who gives it in the original authorities. For 
 the story of King Edwy, see Sharon Turner s Anglo-Saxons, vol. ii., p. 403. 
 
 St. Cyprian informs us, that when he was studying magic, he was par 
 ticularly intimate with the devil: "I saw the devil himself, I conversed with 
 him, and was esteemed one of those who held a principal rank about him." 
 Who can doubt the assertion of so great a Saint! 
 
 It appears, that in those days of wonders, the devil usually wore a black 
 gown, with a black hat ; and it was observed, that, whenever he was preach 
 ing, his glutei muscles were as cold as ice. 
 
 St. Jerome states that St. Hilarius was often flagellated by the devil, whom 
 he calls "a wanton gladiator." St. Athanasius informs us St. Anthony was 
 often visited in the like manner. St. Jerome thus describes the process : 
 " The merry gladiator sits on his back; arid beats his sides with his heels, 
 and his neck with his whip." 
 
106 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 the pains of distempers, the most violent colic, gout and stone, 
 joined in complication ; more than all the most cruel torments 
 undergone by malefactors, or invented by the most barbarous 
 tyrants ; more than all the tortures of the martyrs summed up 
 together. This is the idea, he says,* which the Fathers give 
 us of purgatory ; and how long many souls have to suffer there, 
 we know not. Now, if a small part of all this was believed, and 
 it was doubtless received in all its fulness by these poor naked 
 and half-starved hermits, who regarded their bodies as their chiefest 
 of enemies, why should they not sacrifice their bodies here, so 
 as to save their souls from such inconceivable wretchedness 
 hereafter ?" 
 
 "And were all these multitudes of recluses subjected to like 
 destitution ?" 
 
 "Certainly not, as I will show you;" so saying, he opened 
 Saint Chrysostom.t "It seems that the customs of the third 
 century, against which Cyprian inveighed, had not improved in 
 the days of Chrysostom. Not only did the aged monks avail 
 themselves of the offices and society of young women in their 
 . cells, but young monks did also the same ; while, on the other 
 hand, the young nuns entertained a cortege of philosophic para 
 mours, under various pretexts, which are described on page 310, 
 and the pages following, of this the first volume of Chry i sostom s 
 works. It may amuse you to know something of the customs of 
 these pure and pristine days of the church; permit me to read 
 you a passage or two from pages of this volume. 
 
 "The pious Father exclaims : What a sight it is, to enter the 
 cell of a SOLITARY monk, and to see the apartment hung round 
 about with female gear, shoes, girdles, reticules, caps, bonnets, 
 combs and the like, too various to mention ; but what a jest it is 
 to visit the abode of a rich monk, and to look about you : for you 
 find the solitary surrounded with a bevy of lasses, one might say, 
 just like the leader of a company of singing and dancing girls. 
 What can be more disgraceful ? and, in fact, the monk is all day 
 long vexed and busied with the petty affairs proper to a woman 
 .... not merely is he occupied with worldly matters, contrary 
 to the apostolic precept, but with even feminine cares : these 
 ladies being very luxurious in their habits, as well as imperious in 
 their tempers. He goes on to give the particulars : The good 
 man is liable to be sent on fifty errands ; to the silversmith, to 
 inquire if my lady s mirror is finished ; if her vase is ready ; if 
 her silver cruet had been returned ; and from silversmith s to the 
 
 * Lives: for November 2. This work is reprinted in this country, and has 
 gone through several editions, 
 f Chrysostom, torn. i. p. 279. 
 
FASHIONABLE LIFE IN THE FOURTH CENTURY. 107 
 
 perfumer s, and thence to the linen-draper s, and thence to the 
 upholsterer s ; and at each place he has twenty particulars to re 
 member. Then the father goes on to describe, in addition to all 
 these cares, the jars and scoldings that are apt to resound in a 
 house full of pampered women ; and urges them, as the warriors 
 of the church, to be clad with spiritual armor, and not take on 
 themselves the office of waiting like menials upon worthless girls, 
 or to busy themselves with their spinnings and sewings, and 
 spend the livelong day by their side, while at work, imbuing their 
 minds with effeminate trifles." 
 
 "Truly, this is a strange picture !" exclaimed Mrs. Smith with 
 real astonishment and unaffected surprise, "of The Lights and 
 Shadows of Fashionable Life? as it existed fourteen hundred 
 years ago." 
 
 " Yes, indeed ; and Chrysostom makes an acknowledgment 
 not so complimentary as I could wish it, as to the authors of all 
 this licentiousness," said the Gentleman in Black. 
 
 " Is it in that volume ?" Mrs. Smith inquired, with some hesi 
 tation. 
 
 "Yes, it is here," turning to page 304. "Shall I read it?" 
 
 " I am rather doubtful as to hearing any more of these morceaux. 
 And yet, if you think it readable, you may go on. I shall in this 
 instance trust to your discretion." 
 
 " It is a very eloquent and powerful passage, in the Father s 
 best style, and I am sure there is nothing in it which can pain 
 you save the melancholy confession it makes of the authors of 
 this reign of riot and misrule in the church." So saying, the 
 Gentleman in Black read as follows : 
 
 " Alas, my soul ! well may I so exclaim, and repeat the lamenta 
 ble cry with the prophet ! Alas, my soul ! Our virginity has 
 fallen into contempt ; the veil is rent with impudent hands, that 
 parted it off from matrimony ; the holy of holies is trodden under 
 foot, and its grave and tremendous sanctities have become profane, 
 and thrown open to all ; and all that which was once held in reve 
 rence, as far more excellent than matrimony, is now sunk so low, 
 that one should rather call the married blessed, than those who 
 profess it. Nor is it an enemy that has effected all this ; but 
 the VIRGINS themselves ! 
 
 " Poor dear girls ! how truly they were to be pitied! " said Mrs. 
 Smith. "After all, this state of hopeless seclusion of gentle and 
 loving girls, in the days of infancy and childhood, and which is still 
 practised, seems to me, now that I think of it, as more to be de 
 tested than any of the austerities practised among your slaves. I 
 think I must confess, the superstitions engrafted upon Christianity 
 are the most dreadful of all others." 
 
108 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 "I beg you to believe I have not exhausted the subject."* 
 "Pardon me ; though you may not have exhausted the subject." 
 said Mrs. Smith very kindly, and smiling, " you have my capacity 
 to hear any more on a topic so full of horrors. I had much rather 
 you should speak to me of yourself than of others." 
 
 Mrs. Smith could not have been conscious of the very gentle 
 tones in which these words were expressed, though they were 
 winged with flames, if the flush which glowed on the face of the 
 Gentleman in Black spoke truly. 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 In which Mrs. Smith requests the Gentleman in Black to relate some of the 
 incidents of his life Her reasons are given The Gentleman in Black 
 states that he is in pursuit of Peter Schlemihl Causes which compelled 
 him to recover his purse The Gentleman in Black elected unanimously 
 into the Board of Brokers His operations "Old Nich." and himself rivals 
 in " the street" The causes which led to the destruction of the Great Bank 
 to the late war with England Failures of the friends of the Gentleman 
 in Black Settles with his friends, etc. 
 
 THE Gentleman in Black now rose, and proposed to Mrs. 
 Smith returning to the saloon, to which she readily acceded ; and 
 resuming her seat before the mirror, with a look of gentle en 
 treaty, she asked the Gentleman in Black " if she was not to be 
 told something relating to his own adventures, which she had 
 rather know than any of the scenes he might present her in the 
 glass." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black was really embarrassed by the re 
 quest, and reluctantly took his seat on the lounge, with the air of 
 one quite at a loss how to meet the request which had been made 
 
 * The manners of the days of Chrysostom seem to have come down with 
 he monastic institutions to later days; old Fuller, in his "History of the 
 Church," book vi., p. 315, says amours were very general among the English 
 nuns, and he speaks of very extensive powers of absolution for certain vices : 
 writing of love-letters, interviews at grated windows, employing smiths to re 
 move bars, as well as holy contemplations in the church at night between 
 two lovers." Fosbrooke, in his History of British Monachism, (quarto, Lon 
 don, 1817,) has given a full view of the rise and progress, manners and cus 
 toms of Monachism in Great Britain. 
 
NARRATIVE OF THE GENTLEMAN IN BLACK. 109 
 
 of him. His air of embarrassment only tended to incite the lady s 
 curiosity, and to make her gaze the more inquiring and earnest. 
 The Gentleman in Black looked up smiling, and said : 
 
 " The interest you have so kindly expressed in my fortunes, is 
 every way gratifying ; the only difficulty I find in the matter is 
 to select from among the incidents of my life some one or more 
 which may give you pleasure." 
 
 " If that be all," said Mrs. Smith, " I will at once relieve you 
 by requesting you to tell me how long you have been in town, 
 and what may have brought you here ? I m half ashamed of my 
 curiosity, but then it is the custom of the country, and as I shall 
 desire to introduce you to the circles of my friends, they will of 
 course expect me to inform them as to all these particulars ; so 
 you see it is no mere curiosity that impels me, but the desire to 
 make you at home with us." 
 
 " You are indeed very kind very kind," answered the Gen 
 tleman in Black, with an air of the greatest courtesy and respect. 
 " I shall be most happy to become more intimately acquainted 
 with each and all of your friends, but of all and above all, my 
 dear madam, with yourself." 
 
 " Oh indeed, I think," replied Mrs. Smith, gaily, " we may as 
 well write ourselves down as old and familiar friends ; no one 
 need know that it is not so ; but that it may be so, you see I 
 must know who my old friend and familiar acquaintance is, and 
 what has brought him to the city." 
 
 " Certainly and I will at once tell you. You have doubtless 
 heard of Peter Schlemihl ?" 
 
 " What, poor Peter Schlemihl who sold his shadow for a purse 
 of gold ? Yes, I have heard of him many years since ; but what 
 of him?" 
 
 " Well, my dear madam, I have come to this country to seek 
 him out, and to punish him for his many acts of inconceivable 
 injustice toward me ; a more base and desperately wicked fellow 
 is not to be found : through his mischievous agency, I have been 
 all but ruined and disgraced in all the countries of Europe ; 
 represented as a mere shadow dressed in a garb of poverty, 
 and the slave of an upstart millionaire whom he calls Thomas 
 John. And what is the charge he has preferred against me ? 
 Why, that I exchanged my purse of Fortunatus for this mise 
 rable shadow !" So saying, the Gentleman in Black put his hand 
 into his pocket, and taking out what seemed like a roll of very deli 
 cate black tissue paper or fine silk, shook out the very shadow of 
 the poor miserable Peter. At the request of Mrs. Smith, who 
 handed him some pins, which must have been taken from some 
 covert part of her own dress, the Gentleman in Black pinned it up 
 
110 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 on the drapery of the window, which, as has been already stated, 
 hung loose by the rings. 
 
 " And is this the very shadow ?" said Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " Yes, madam, the identical shadow." 
 
 " After all, it is not much of a shadow ; and you gave him an 
 inexhaustible purse for that shadow ?" 
 
 " No, madam ; that is one of Peter s lies his rascally frauds. 
 I loaned him the purse for a stipulated period, and he, not content 
 with the use of the purse for the time specified, ran off with it, 
 madam absconded ! And more than that, he has, by some ras 
 cally process which I do not understand, possessed himself of in 
 visibility, and having no shadow, you may guess the trouble I 
 have had in seeking him, and of recovering my purse ; a matter 
 of the utmost importance to me, as you may guess ; and as it is de 
 sirable you should know of the causes which led me to this country 
 at this time, it may be well to tell you the misfortunes which 
 made it necessary for me to chase this fugitive, who with his 
 seven-league boots has thus far eluded my pursuit, but his flight 
 is somewhat retarded by the loss of his boots." 
 
 " And has he lost his boots ?" 
 
 " Yes, madam ; they were by a happy accident, stolen from 
 him. But I am anticipating my story." 
 
 " I beg you will not, but tell it to me in due order. I am sure 
 it must be very surprising seeking a man without a shadow or 
 a body, endowed with seven-league boots, too ; it must be to you 
 no common task." 
 
 " My dear madam, you make a mistake. He has a body, but 
 not visibility. 17 
 
 " Well, it is wonderful ; and I beg you will tell me all about it." 
 
 " I am fearful," said the Gentleman in Black, " that I shall 
 weary you with my story, and that it will rob you of your re 
 pose, which you must need after so much fatigue of body and 
 mind as you have gone through with this day." 
 
 " I thank you, my dear sir, for your kind consideration of my 
 comfort; but the fact is it would be utterly impossible for me to 
 sleep after so much nervous excitement, and it will be quite a 
 relief to me to be amused and interested, as I am sure to be, by 
 the relation you have promised me." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black commenced by saying: "I met Peter 
 Schlemihl a poor fellow, in the depths of poverty and despair ; and 
 touched by sympathy for his extreme melancholy, I offered him 
 the use of my purse for the slender shadow you see there," point 
 ing to the curtain, " which shows the effects of poor fare and hard 
 study ; and though he has always denied the fact, it was well under 
 stood at the time that for the use of the purse so given, the sha- 
 
Ill 
 
 dow was but the pledge of the body, to be surrendered at some 
 future period." 
 
 " What could he do for you, that he was so desirable to you ?" 
 " I wanted him to be my amanuensis, as he is very remarka 
 ble for the rapidity of his hand-writing, though it requires some 
 scholarship to make it out; but the especial reason why I have 
 been compelled to seek him, I will now state to you, and you 
 will see, that however worthless he may be, my purse had lost 
 none of its value. 
 
 " It is now some twenty years since I came to this city, merely 
 to pass the winter and spring, and to return to Europe in June fol 
 lowing. I had not been in the country for some years, and wish 
 ing to be as quiet as possible, I took private rooms at the Star 
 Hotel, and entered my name as Thomas Jones, and for a while 
 was perfectly secure in my incognito ; but accidentally meeting 
 with some old friends, who had become the conspicuous ope 
 rators in Change Alley, I was drawn out from my retreat and al 
 most compelled to accept their earnest and most hospitable invita 
 tions to their several houses. I assure you I was not at all prepared 
 for the astonishing changes I found in their circumstances. Men 
 whom I had left dealing in merchandise and stocks, in small sums, 
 living in modest houses at a rent of four or five hundred dollars a 
 year, now received me in splendid mansions, costing in themselves 
 a fortune, and these were filled with the finest furniture, and adorn 
 ed with mirrors of surpassing size and beauty. Their walls were 
 covered with pictures, more remarkable for their antiquity than 
 any beauty I could discern in them, but which they assured me 
 were from the pencils of the old masters. One of them even 
 showed a Madonna in the Chair? of which he had a smoky 
 certificate pasted on the back, stating it to be a duplicate of that 
 wonder of the art in the Pitti palace ; and another had a Forna- 
 rini? which he convinced me was genuine, though I was some 
 what skeptical at first, but of which I could no longer doubt when 
 he showed me in the depth of the coloring of the shadow of her 
 dress, the monogram of Raphael himself. There was one pic 
 ture to which my especial attention was called, and upon which 
 I was specially requested to pass my opinion. It seemed to 
 me a mere mass of black paint, relieved by some few white 
 spots ; but what it was designed to represent was altogether be 
 yond my skill to discover ; and finding myself so perfectly at a 
 loss, and not daring to venture a guess, I candidly confessed the 
 embarrassment in which I was placed. My friends, for it was at 
 a dinner party, all cried out, it was capital, a most admirable 
 criticism, there was nothing but black paint to be seen, etc. ; 
 but our host, not at all disconcerted, said that the picture was a 
 
112 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 * Salvator Rosa" and we should see it to be so, and he should 
 enjoy our surprise. So he directed all the shutters to be closed 
 save a single half window; and to be sure, there were discernible 
 some armed men at the entrance of what we were told was a 
 cave, in the act of throwing dice, and in the foreground some 
 pieces of plate. There, said he, there s the triumph of art! 1 
 
 " He looked for applause, and it was given ; for who could re 
 fuse to applaud the taste of a gentleman who gave good dinners, 
 and whose wines were faultless ? To be sure the merits of a 
 picture so plastered with dark brown and black paint as to be 
 undistinguishable, were not so much to my taste as his dinners 
 and wines were ; yet as he assured us it was a genuine Salvator 
 Rosa, having swallowed his wines, I must needs do the same 
 with his pictures. I assure you, my dear madam, this is no 
 exaggeration of the * old masters which I have had exhibited to 
 me in this country. But whatever may have been my misgiv 
 ings as to the genuineness of the particular * old masters, I had 
 no doubt as to the sums paid for them, of which they showed 
 me the receipted bills in order to make * assurance doubly sure. 
 And though even then I might have had some lurking suspicions 
 that in these matters my friends may have taken the copy for 
 the original, I could not be mistaken as to the solidity and 
 costliness of the rich plate with which their tables were literally 
 covered. I have visited merchants of other countries, but none 
 whose riches were more apparent than that of my friends in 
 Babylon. It seemed as if the lamp of Aladdin had come into 
 their possession, and that the wealth I saw in all their houses 
 was created by some process purely magical. 
 
 * Nor was my surprise limited by these exhibitions of taste 
 and luxury. Their entertainments were varied and costly, their 
 wines unsurpassed, except in the palaces of some of the princes 
 of the German Empire. Tis true, they had no Johannisberg in 
 their bottles, but the labels were in their proper places on the 
 outside of them ; and I was assured, and had no reason to doubt, 
 that every bottle cost as much as the Johannisberg would have 
 done had Prince Metternich brought his few hundred pipes into 
 the wine market, instead of supplying only the tables of kings 
 and emperors, as he is accustomed to do. The wine was indeed 
 admirable, and was drunk with a gusto, and the glass was held 
 up to the eye before drinking with that knowing air which few 
 have any knowledge of, and which distinguishes men who know 
 what they drink and how to drink. 
 
 " Our conversation, I found, took a uniform turn to stocks ; to 
 grand systems of improvement of the country; digging canals, 
 laying down railroads, and establishing new lines of packets, 
 
THE CIRCLE OF FINANCIERS IN BABYLON. 113 
 
 with some peculiarity of terms as to making a good corner on 
 this stock, and hammering down another stock, and burst 
 ing a bank now and then ; all of which, I was told, were fair 
 business transactions. They sometimes held a long talk as to 
 getting up a leader" 1 for the organs of the party for a particular 
 purpose ; and on such occasions two or more would retire to a 
 side-table to prepare the article, which was to be read and ap 
 proved by the assembled party ; or it might be to get up a set of 
 patriotic resolves for congress, for their legislature, or for a ward 
 committee. Indeed, there were few things these friends of mine 
 did not take in hand ; and so varied and multiform were their 
 movements, that I was perfectly at a loss to conceive to what all 
 these things tended. I was indeed charmed by the frankness 
 with which they alluded to these matters before me, almost a 
 stranger as I was to some of them ; and seeing that they spoke 
 of their moneyed affairs as being so prosperous, of which, indeed, 
 I had the most marked and beautiful manifestations in everything 
 that surrounded me, I ventured to mention, with no little diffi 
 dence, and as one hazarding a very great request, to a compli 
 ance with which I had no claims whatever, that I had some 
 spare capital in foreign stocks which paid very low interest, and 
 if they could point out a way of a better investment of this mo 
 ney, it would be conferring on me a very great favor to let me 
 take some small amount of their stocks, which seemed so safe 
 and lucrative. With a frankness and cordiality altogether irre 
 sistible, they at once told me it would gratify them all to make 
 me a partner in their plans, all of which were sure to succeed. 
 Nothing could have been more hearty than their several expres 
 sions of readiness to aid and serve me; and although I have had 
 some acquaintance with men, I assure you I was for once per 
 fectly disarmed of all suspicion of guile in these capitalists and 
 financiers. 
 
 " They asked me what amount of capital I had at command ; 
 when I told them that the amount of funds invested in stocks 
 of the Bank of Amsterdam, which was then paying me but two 
 and a half per cent., was some eight hundred thousand dollars, 
 but that in the French funds I had some six millions of francs, 
 besides other stocks in the English funds, all of which I would 
 willingly transfer to stocks paying six and seven per cent, per 
 annum. The looks of pleasure and surprise with which they 
 received this announcement should have excited in me some sus 
 picion and watchfulness ; but, I must confess, their expressions 
 of pleasure at being able to serve me were so natural, and had so 
 much of frank and noble bearing in them, and were seasoned 
 with so many agreeable things complimentary to myself, that, I 
 8 
 
114 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 confess to you, my dear madam, I became the dupe of my own 
 vanity. 
 
 "The next week or two passed as the previous weeks had 
 done ; dinners almost every day ; concerts, the opera, or the 
 churches; soirees, evening parties, with glorious suppers, fol 
 lowed in unbroken succession. There were no more nor less 
 attentions on the part of my friends, but somehow I found my 
 self every day more and more in the society of two or three of 
 these friends, who were either more assiduous in their attentions, 
 or by a concert of action on the part of the others, these, more 
 adroit, were appointed to manipulate me ready for the general use 
 of the set. From these friends I first received the idea of set 
 tling in Babylon the Less for a few years, in which I was assured 
 I could double my capital; and although at first the idea did not 
 present itself to me in an attractive form, yet by degrees it was 
 made to wear a very bright and cheerful aspect ; so that at length 
 I consented to entertain the idea as one which might possibly be 
 adopted. 
 
 " One day, after a dinner of more than ordinary excellence, I 
 found myself seated with these especial friends in a saloon emp 
 tied of the company, who were all attracted into the other rooms 
 to hear a splendid pianist who had been invited to the feast, and 
 in a tone of whispering confidence, one of the three said, * They 
 had been thinking of the various ways in which the wish I had 
 expressed of investing my funds in Babylonian stocks could be 
 best carried into effect; but the sum was so large and the re 
 sponsibility so great, that with all the friendship they so sincerely 
 entertained for me, theyjwere compelled to say they felt it too 
 great a responsibility for them to assume. This was said with 
 tones of voice truly touching ; indeed, I verily believe there were 
 tears in his eyes as he uttered these words. What could I say ? 
 So far from seeking the control of my moneys, they really seemed 
 to shun the trust they feared I was too ready to impart. How 
 could I distrust such generous, devoted, and dear friends ? In 
 fact all suspicion was at an end, and I was ready to adopt any 
 advice they had to offer. They told me they had agreed to ad 
 vise me to become a member of the Board of Brokers in Change- 
 Alley, and then I could make my own investments ; in doing 
 which they were always at hand to help me, and, with my per 
 mission, they would at once propose my name at the next ses 
 sion of the Board. 
 
 "Although I had but little idea of the honorable fraternity of 
 brokers, whose sessions are all secret, yet as my friends were 
 members, I was ready to consent, though I could not but express 
 my fears that I should be black-balled ; a method of ostracism 
 
OF UNION CLUBS IN BABYLON. 115 
 
 which is very much practised in this city by gentlemen, who have 
 adopted this plan for preserving their union clubs, boards of di 
 rectors, and other select and distingue associations, from any ad 
 mixture with those whose claims to membership in the haul- 
 monde have been jeoparded by their occupations and employments, 
 and which serve, for gentlemen, the same purpose as the Virtuous 
 Indignation Societies, of which you have told me, do for the la 
 dies. Indeed, I was told, so very scrupulous had their clubs 
 become, that the grandsons, and sons even, of those who had, to 
 use the expression of Mrs. Tripp, cut candles, had mercilessly 
 rejected all applicants whose callings had led them to cut broad 
 cloth in any lines but those at right angles, whatever might be 
 their standing in society on the score of wealth. All deviations 
 from a straight line was like a bar-sinister on their escutcheons, 
 and forever excluded them from admission into those palaces of 
 red sand-stone into which they sought the right of entree." 
 
 " That seems a strange decision," exclaimed Mrs. Smith ; " why 
 should curve lines be considered so disreputable?" 
 
 " It is hard to say, and yet mankind have ever had these freaks 
 of fancy. The two great sects of Omar and Ali, of Persia, for 
 example, have been created out of the differences in the manner 
 of performing their ablutions. The point in dispute is simply 
 this : whether the water shall be poured on at the wrist, and so 
 run to the elbow, or poured on at the elbow so as to run down to 
 the wrist. The great schism of the Eastern and Western churches, 
 you know, arose on the mere question as to the proper day on 
 which EASTER was to be celebrated." 
 
 " Pardon me for interrupting you ; but is this the only differ 
 ence existing between the Greek and Roman churches ?" 
 
 "This was the point of divergence; they differ, too, some 
 what after the manner of the Persians, as to the mode of apply 
 ing water in their religious rites; the Greek Church, with the 
 Emperor Nicholas for its champion, stoutly contends that the in 
 fant shall be wholly immersed three times when baptized, while 
 the Catholic is content with pouring the water on the face; a 
 difference quite sufficient to spill blood about." 
 
 " You speak as though men had a particular love for spilling 
 each other s blood about trifles," said Mrs. Smith; "nothing of 
 the sort happily now exists." 
 
 "The rack and the stake are, to be sure, somewhat out of 
 fashion, and the present state of civilization is unfriendly to such 
 obvious manifestations of a principle still vigorous and active. 
 My dear Mrs. Smith, can you tell me the difference between ex 
 communication, and the fashionable phrase of excision, adopted 
 so recently in this country, when hundreds of churches of one 
 
116 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 school exscinded hundreds of churches of another school, all 
 claiming to be the real Simon Pures ? and this, too, about a ques 
 tion so inexplicable as to puzzle Duns Scotus,and the old school 
 men of his day?" 
 
 " Pray, can you tell me what was the gist of that great contro 
 versy? Do you know ?" inquired Mrs. Smith. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black shrugged his shoulders, and said : 
 " Yes, I had the honor of a seat, as a corresponding member, in 
 the General Assembly, and though I took no part in the discus 
 sion, I have been blamed by both parties ; so hard it is to please 
 everybody. The question in dispute wore various phases, and 
 became, at last, a division of the south against the north." 
 
 "How very strange ! But it must have been based upon some 
 sort of doctrine, was it not?" 
 
 " Yes, it was affirmed, by the leader of the old school, that its 
 pivotal, as the Fourierists would say, was the reply to the ques 
 tion in the celebrated Westminster Catechism : What is sin ? 
 The old school contending that it should stand as it now reads : 
 Sin is any want of conformity to, or transgression of, the law of 
 GOD. The new school were for the last clause only." 
 
 " Well, this is a nice distinction, truly ! quite equal to the sects 
 of ALI and OMAR. I shall not puzzle my head about which is 
 right. Pray let me ask the question, now it occurs to me, do you 
 attend the coming * World s Convention ?" 
 
 " A burnt child dreads the fire ! " replied the Gentleman in 
 Black, smiling. "After all the experience I have had, I am done 
 with councils, and convocations, and general assemblies of all 
 sorts, especially of this last; for whatever course I should adopt, 
 I should be sure to be misconstrued. If I advised adherence to 
 the standards and confessions of faith, then I should be charged 
 with sowing discord ; and if I should counsel the relinquishment 
 of all these, and propose some stand-point which all could adopt, 
 then it would be said I counseled the giving up the old founda 
 tions of the faith, and would bring about a union more disastrous 
 than a deluge of fire and brimstone, and which would finally en 
 gulf the churches in a dead sea of lifeless uniformity. So I 
 have concluded to stay away." 
 
 " I beg your pardon for leading you away from your story. 
 What were you about to say?" 
 
 " Indeed, I don t know what I might have said ; perhaps it 
 was, that this splitting of hairs is based upon the love of power, 
 which lies deep in the human heart ; and the more arbitrary the 
 distinction, the more certain is the evidence of conformity to the 
 governing will. If you please, I will go on with my story." 
 
CHANGE ALLEY. 117 
 
 " I beg you will ; and I will promise not again to interrupt your 
 narrative." 
 
 " With the knowledge of these facts I have mentioned, I could 
 not refrain to express my fears of being myself black-balled, 
 when my assiduous friends told me, that they had taken the li 
 berty of sounding the leading members of the Honorable Board, 
 who had, as they assured me, responded to the suggestion with 
 the greatest cordiality and kindness ; so my wish to double my 
 money getting the better of my fears, I consented to be proposed 
 the next day. 
 
 " About noon of that day, one of my friends called upon me, 
 to show me Change-Alley, which was destined to be the theatre 
 of my operations as a stock-broker. As we walked down the 
 street, I saw on every side splendid buildings, all of which bore 
 the signs of banks and brokers -offices, and gave evidence of its 
 being the centre of the monetary world. While I was thus lei 
 surely gazing at the buildings on both sides of the street, I was 
 startled by the sight of a sign, painted to the life, of a pelican 
 in the act of swallowing a golden Jish, the tip of whose tail was 
 only to be seen ;* the thought was instantly presented to my mind, 
 that this was ominous of the fate of those who adventured into 
 * the street. Seeing me pause before it, and doubtless reading 
 my misgivings in my countenance, my friend begged me to ob 
 serve, that the pelican was not swallowing a pelican, but a fish, 
 and that the art and mystery of the trade consisted in bringing 
 into such critical conjunctures, the golden fish which came in 
 schools into that narrow inlet, and which fed the fat pelicans who, 
 as in the picture before me, knew how and where to dispose of 
 their prey. This happy turn not only amused me, but entirely 
 dispelled all my forebodings. 
 
 " While we were standing, conversing about this picture, a 
 crowd of well-dressed gentlemen issued out of a great building, 
 in the merriest mood, and my especial friend seeing me, ran over, 
 and shaking me by the hand, congratulated me on my good 
 fortune. They told me I had been unanimously elected ; that 
 though there were upwards of two hundred balls cast, not a black 
 ball was among them all ; a piece of good fortune never known 
 but once before since the board was organized, when one of the 
 most honest and true of all honest men, who had been compelled 
 to withdraw from the Board, in consequence of great losses he 
 had met with from a desolating fire, which had spread ruin in that 
 section of the city upon hundreds of the first houses, had been, 
 
 * This most significant sign has been removed since the publication of this 
 chapter, in the Knickerbocker for August, 184G. 
 
118 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 unsought by himself, unanimously re-elected into the Board ; an 
 expression of his high standing, and of their confidence and re 
 spect, as unexpected as it was gratifying. 
 
 "All I can say of the matter is this, that if he should hereafter 
 be * done BROWN, as I have been, he has little reason to rejoice 
 in the distinction so conferred. 
 
 " My operations commenced very quietly, and these good 
 friends of mine found me a plenty of golden fish, whom, like the 
 pelican on the sign, I had no difficulty in swallowing ; and in a 
 short time I acquired, to use a familiar phrase, * the tricks of the 
 trade, and by and by distinguished myself for some bold and suc 
 cessful operations. The fame of my wealth soon gained for me 
 that consideration which money always commands, especially in 
 Change-Alley. I had my hammerers to knock down a stock, or 
 my * bulls to cry it up, as by turns it suited my purpose ; and 
 many a * fat goose was transformed into a lame duck after pass 
 ing through my magical manipulations. This was all very well 
 for a time ; but growing weary of these small matters, I ventured 
 upon regulating the course of exchange. Now this was trenching 
 upon the business of certain capitalists, and soon I found myself 
 the observed of all observers, and the courtesy, and smiles, 
 and homage paid to me, were only equalled by that which awaited 
 on the celebrated Old Nich., whenever he came into Change- 
 Alley, as he frequently did on visits from his Great Bank, over 
 which he presided with the sway of an autocrat. 
 
 " It was truly amusing to see the aspect which some men wore, 
 when we both met on the same pavement. The monetary world 
 no more than the physical world, will bear two suns at the same 
 time. As a matter of necessity, therefore, we were understood 
 to be great rivals in all money affairs, and my compeers were 
 somewhat at a loss how to conduct themselves, when we stood 
 on opposite sides of the street. It was hard for them so to shape 
 their movements as to stand well with us both, and it was only 
 such men as Van Zandt, and a few others equally dexterous, 
 who could skip from side to side, and cry * Good Lord ! and 
 * Good Devil ! in the same breath. It furnished us food for mirth, 
 when * Old Nich., and myself met at night, as we were in the habit 
 of doing, at the houses of some favorite and fair friends of his, 
 with whom we supped, and amused ourselves by talking over 
 the incidents of the day, and repeating the dreadfully severe say 
 ings which had been whispered to each other by the same set, 
 which, if they did not convince us that we were two of the most 
 unscrupulous sharpers, satisfied us that they were the paragons 
 of toadyism. 
 
 " These were the days of sunshine in the moneyed world of the 
 
ORIGIN OF THE WAR OF 1812. 119 
 
 Great Republic. In an evil day there came on a contest as to which 
 city should be the centre of banking operations of the country. 
 The aristocracy of Babylon could not brook the rule of Old 
 Nich. ; they determined that the central power should be removed 
 from Chestnut-street to Change-Alley. And the stupid obstinacy 
 of a pig had secured to them what, but for his aid, would have 
 been unattainable." 
 
 "A pig! what sort of a pig?" exclaimed Mrs. Smith. 
 
 "A very fine, fat, pampered pig, on four feet, with his tail done 
 up as nicely as any lady s hair could be curled," replied the Gen 
 tleman in Black. 
 
 "You do not mean what you say, I am sure," replied Mrs. 
 Smith, surprised at the unchanging gravity of the Gentleman in 
 Black. 
 
 " I certainly do ; I can demonstrate this to you beyond all 
 manner of question ; that but for the pig in question, the moneyed 
 relations of this country would hlive remained unchanged, and 
 that the marble palace in which Old Nich. held his uncon 
 trollable sway, instead of being what it now is, a mere office for 
 the receipt of customs, would still have remained the throne of 
 the moneyed men of the country." 
 
 " You are speaking enigmas, which I fear no (Edipus can 
 solve," replied Mrs. Smith. " Won t you be pleased to let me 
 into the secret ?" 
 
 " With all pleasure, if it will not weary yon to listen to it." 
 
 " You need not fear anything but failing to make good your 
 assertions." 
 
 " That I have no fear of. Then, to begin at the beginning. 
 Had the administration of the republic been continued in the 
 hands of the venerable son of Braintree, it cannot, in my opinion, 
 be questioned that the charter of the Great Bank would have 
 been extended, and its seat perpetuated in Chestnut-street; that 
 he failed in his re-election I shall now trace to the pig in ques 
 tion ; and you will see how nicely adjusted are the affairs of this 
 great world, and on what slender pivots the destinies of a nation 
 turn. Had a certain gentleman in the city of Providentio never 
 been possessed of this obstinate pig, or had he kept him in a bet 
 ter built stye, * the Hero of two wars would have only been 
 distinguished as a famous fighter of men and Indians, and gone 
 to the grave in the humble obscurity of a western farmer ; but 
 for this pig, he would never have been elevated to the elective 
 throne of Babylonia; and all the consequences resulting from his 
 election would have been saved to the world." 
 
 " My dear sir, are you serious ?" inquired Mrs. Smith, who 
 
120 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 seemed more and more perplexed at the grave and severe tone of 
 the Gentleman in Black. 
 
 " Never more truly so in my life ; but for that event I should 
 not now be in Babylon" 
 
 " May I again beg you will explain what seems to me alto 
 gether inexplicable," replied Mrs. Smith, with some slight ex 
 pression of impatience, as if teased by his delay. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black proceeded in his usual calm and 
 quiet tone to say : 
 
 "It is common for historians to spend no little time in tracing 
 to their causes important events which change the current of a 
 nation s history, and in doing so, from ignorance or inadvertence, 
 they overlook incidents seemingly so trivial as to be utterly un 
 worthy of the task they have assumed ; and though I do not un 
 dertake to state all the causes which had their separate influence 
 in bringing about the conjuncture of affairs which made it pos 
 sible for a pig to play so prominent a part, yet I feel certain of 
 tracing to him the catastrophe. 
 
 " There were two neighbors, both of the old Federal school of 
 politics, who had lived for many years in the utmost harmony in 
 the city of Providentio ; one of whom was the owner of the pig, 
 and the other possessed a fine garden, in the cultivation of which 
 he took especial pains. One fine spring morning the pig, wak 
 ing hungry from a sound sleep, set up a squeal which expressed 
 in the clearest manner, his impatience for his breakfast, but as 
 the family were at that time busy, and occupied with making their 
 own meal, he was left to wait; becoming restless, and as a law 
 yer would express it, if he were drafting a bill of indictment, 
 * being set on end by the devil, regardless and reckless of all con 
 sequences, he clambered over the imperfectly-constructed stye, 
 and set out in quest of what he could find on his own hook. 
 Now he had done this frequently before, and had amused him 
 self in perambulating over the nicely-made beds in the neighbor s 
 garden, into which he had found no difficulty of access from the 
 condition of the fence. There had been many friendly remon 
 strances as to this pig s familiar habits, and the one neighbor had 
 urged the building of a new stye, and the other kindly replied 
 that his fence was out of repair. So matters stood ; when the 
 proprietor of the garden discovered the pig in the very act of 
 rooting up and eating some choice bulbous roots, which were 
 very valuable, and had been procured at great expense. This 
 was the last feather which broke the camel s back ; transported 
 with passion, he put a pitchfork, he chanced to find at hand, into 
 the sleek and tender sides of the pig, and threw him yelling into 
 his neighbor s yard. His cries, though not the most musical, 
 
121 
 
 were in so moving a tone, that the pig-proprietor and his family 
 were disturbed at their breakfast table, and came out in breathless 
 haste to witness the last flourish of their pig s-tail, to hear his last 
 squeal and to see him die. That, my dear madam, was the be 
 ginning of that bloodshed which was continued by the best blood 
 of the great republic. 
 
 " In consequence of this quarrel, at the coming election then 
 about to take place, the proprietor of the pig voted against his 
 neighbor, and his vote elected a democrat to the general assembly 
 of that state. At the election of a senator to the Great Council 
 of the Senate of the nation, a man devoted to the then adminis 
 tration of affairs, was elected by one vote ; and, in the year 1812, 
 an act declaring war passed the Senate by one vote ; the vote of 
 the senator elected by the vote of the representative, who was 
 elected by the owner of the pig in question. Now have I not 
 shown the chain of causes thus far?" 
 
 " Yes, you have ; but what has all this to do with the charter 
 of the Great Bank ?" 
 
 " Oh, that is readily seen. The war which ensued terminated 
 with a glorious victory, which immortalized the Hero of two 
 wars ; he was made President by the leaders of the great peo 
 ple s party, who found no other way of defeating the election of 
 the son of Braintree, believing that when he was elected by 
 their exertions and influence, he would suffer himself to be guided 
 by their councils. But men who set a ball in motion are not 
 always able to resist when in motion, that which a single arm 
 could have kept at rest. Unfortunately for me, and thousands of 
 others, the first act of resistance to the indomitable will of the 
 * Old Hero came from my worthy compeer and associate Old 
 Nich. This was his resistance to the appointment of an officer 
 in one of his branch banks; and if, instead of trying the strength 
 of their several powers, * Old Nich. had submitted to this exer 
 cise of power, or made some quiet conciliatory explanations to 
 the Old Hero, who, in all probability, had ignorantly exceeded 
 his administrative powers, all would have been well. But the 
 habit of uncontrolled sway had been fostered in the heart of Old 
 Nich. by the submissive acts of brokers and bankers, whom he 
 had taught to perform the prescribed kow-tow, when admitted 
 into his presence, with an alacrity and skill only to be excelled 
 by the courtiers of the Chinese empire. The hostility which 
 grew out of this conflict in the exercise of appointing powers was 
 fanned and fostered by the Jonathans and the Goodyers, and 
 their cliques in this city, who saw in this reason for hope that if 
 the charter of the bank should be rejected, a new bank, which 
 they deemed indispensable, would be chartered, and which they 
 
122 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 felt certain would have its centre in Babylon. But it is easier to 
 pull down than to build up ; and a power arose, unlocked for by 
 them, greater than their own. The iron will of the Old Hero 
 was directed by this power behind the throne with a despotism 
 they could not resist. The consequence was, a revulsion, which 
 brought ruin to the homes and firesides of those whose whole 
 scope of policy was limited to the increase of their own fortunes, 
 and the up-building of their own city. 
 
 " The outcry against the course of policy which struck at all 
 chartered banking associations, and whose war-cry was perish 
 credit, perish commerce, perish everything that stands in the 
 way of the will of the democracy, a policy which for a time 
 threatened to bring every chartered corporation into jeopardy, at 
 length came from those who had made him the god of the people s 
 idolatry. 
 
 " Among these was a worthy citizen of this city, who had car 
 ried his devotion so far as to have the old hero s bust beautifully 
 chiselled in purest marble, and it was placed over his mantel-piece 
 as its chief ornament. Here it was caressed, from time to time, 
 by many pleasant love-pats, as one blow after another of the mer 
 ciless policy of the Old Hero s, struck down the heads of the 
 moneyed hydra, whose ruin was so earnestly desired ; but when 
 the same club reached other moneyed interests, and stock after 
 stock declined, bank after bank gave way, and when ruin reached 
 the worthy partisan, from the very idol of his creation and wor 
 ship, with a feeling not unlike the poor Africans who flog their 
 gods when their wishes are not complied with, coming home to 
 his dinner, for which, alas ! he had no appetite, and seeing this 
 * Architect of Ruin sitting with his characteristic composure, all 
 unconcerned amid the carnage he was making of the fortunes of 
 his followers, as well as of his enemies, transported with rage, 
 our citizen seized upon the bust and cast it down into an oblivion 
 of shame and everlasting contempt; but Accident or Destiny, 
 which ever had made him great, took care of his image. Through 
 the zealous labors of a society who have done much to enrich 
 the country by their antiquarian researches, the bust of the hero 
 was recovered, and sold by them, heedless of the treasure, with 
 a heap of rubbish. The purchaser, who told me the anecdote, 
 kept his good fortune to himself, and the Old Hero was brought 
 to light transformed into an old Roman. The alkalies of earth 
 have given the Old Hero s face quite an ancient aspect, and there 
 remained little else than the general contour of his face and bust, 
 and the inscription, which had once been * The Old Roman, had 
 become all but defaced. The bust, well washed, was put into 
 the hands of a dealer in pictures of the old masters, which are 
 
GENTLEMAN IN BLACK TURNS BROKER. 123 
 
 annually imported into this market and sold at prices miraculously 
 low. It soon attracted the attention of the pseudo iconographists 
 of the city, who after mature examination determined it to be the 
 bust of Romulus, and this question so decided, the bust was in 
 stantly purchased at a great price by an admirer of the antique, 
 and now holds a conspicuous place in his cabinet, where he is 
 venerated still, as the oldest if not the noblest Roman of them 
 all: 
 
 " Pardon this digression, my dear madam, from my own story, 
 which I fear has already become to you wearisome i as the twice- 
 told-tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. 
 
 " By no means !" replied Mrs. Smith, with great vivacity. " I 
 am at a loss to know how this revulsion in the monetary world 
 has connected itself with you, and compelled you to assume so 
 hopeless a task as the finding of Peter Schlemihl." 
 
 " Not so hopeless as you may at first be led to think it ; but 
 all this by and by," replied the Gentleman in Black, who re 
 sumed his narrative by saying : 
 
 " After I had fairly established myself in Change Alley, and in 
 doing so, had necessarily become connected very largely with the 
 stock exchange, to which I exclusively confined my attention, 
 though my kind friends were exceedingly anxious that I should 
 share with them in their speculations in canals and stocks of va 
 rious kinds, but my grasp of mind I found was too limited to 
 keep sight of so many dissimilar speculations, and as I was suc 
 ceeding to the utmost of my wishes, I declined their friendly 
 offers, and. as they found a plenty ready to unite with them, I 
 was after a while left by them to quietly manage my business in 
 my own way. 
 
 " Unhappily, I was recalled by urgent business connected with 
 my Eastern estates ; a whole village had gone over to the Aboli 
 tionists, and my agents feared a general breaking up of all the 
 ties in which they had been held to servitude ; and having the 
 utmost confidence in my friends, who had won upon my regards 
 by their hospitality and unceasing friendship, I thought it would 
 be safe for me to place my moneyed securities in their hands to 
 wind up." 
 
 " But was it not a great trust to bestow ? Two or three mil 
 lions of dollars is too large a sum to be secured in the usual way, 
 was it not?" inquired Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " It was ; but what better could I do ? And besides, I had 
 every reason to rely on these good friends, as I deemed them to- 
 be ; and many little incidents calculated to win upon my unsus 
 pecting confidence had arisen which had their due weight with 
 me ; for example : one of them, a man of great amenity of man- 
 
124 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 ners, hearing accidentally from me in conversation that my people 
 were destitute of the stated preaching of the gospel, was ex 
 tremely desirous of procuring the establishment of a mission 
 among them ; indeed, I found it very difficult to satisfy him that 
 I thought they could get on without one. Another proposed 
 some admirable plans * for the colonization and gradual emanci 
 pation of my slaves ; and another swore * I should go into a 
 grand speculation he had in view for the purchase of coal lands 
 which would never be exhausted while the world should stand. 
 I mention these among the many like manifestations of their ac 
 tive friendship ; and receiving fresh dispatches begging me to 
 return at once and at all hazards, I called my friends together and 
 gave into their hands all my books, bonds, and bills, for which 
 they jointly and severally receipted to me; and pledging them 
 selves to obey my instructions, which were explicit, to invest my 
 moneys as they fell due in such undoubted stocks as they thought 
 safest and best. 
 
 " Having done this, they gave me a magnificent entertainment, 
 and the next day most of them went down as far as the Narrows, 
 where they took leave of me with many earnest entreaties to take 
 good care of myself, to which I responded very heartily, begging 
 them not to forget me or my affairs. 
 
 " I was absent four years, and never so much as received a 
 single stroke of a pen from any one of them. I felt some sur 
 prise at this, and on arriving in London, I was thunderstruck at 
 hearing that my friend Old Nich. had deserted his palace ; that 
 there had been a general suspension of specie payments in this 
 country, and that a wide-spread bankruptcy had gone over the 
 length and the breadth of the land. As you may well imagine, 
 I felt there was no time to lose in coming to this country, and to 
 see how far my own funds were jeoparded by this revulsion of 
 the affairs of Babylonia. 
 
 " On my arrival I took my old rooms, and the same evening 
 sent my cards to each of my friends, expecting they would at 
 once come to see me. I sat up quite late, but not one of them 
 called. This was rather ominous, I thought. The next day I 
 remained at home till past twelve, and no one calling, I took a 
 walk down Change Alley. I met the members of the Honorable 
 Fraternity as busy as ever; nearly all had failed, but as this was 
 a general calamity, no one seemed to feel the pressure to be 
 pinching him harder than his neighbor ; and as * misery loves 
 company, they seemed well content. * Times, they said, were 
 mending rapidly; hoped I had comeback to "the street;" they 
 wanted some one who had plenty of money to regulate matters ; 
 4 1 was the very person they were all looking for ; and they 
 
A DINNER PARTY. 125 
 
 really seemed to express their honest sentiments, and I believe 
 they did ; but when I told them all my means were in the hands 
 of my friends in Change Alley, they looked surprised ; some 
 thrust their tongues into one side of their cheeks, others whistled 
 a little, but the most of them said, Come and see me ; I am just 
 now very busy ; and on they went. 
 
 " You may guess I had now very strong convictions that my 
 affairs were in what they technically term weak hands ; by 
 which is understood hands so strong that there s no getting back 
 what you have given them to hold. After looking into one old 
 haunt and another, I stumbled upon one of my trustees ; he cer 
 tainly put the best face upon the matter, and said he had been 
 seeking me ; that he had a little party of our old set, and as they 
 all wished to see me, he had on receiving my card sent out his 
 invitations to meet me at his house at dinner at six precisely. 
 His engagements, like all the others, were very pressing, and 
 shaking me by the hand, he shook me off; and finding myself 
 somewhat less important in the street than I once was, I re 
 turned to my hotel to prepare myself for the * entertainment I 
 had every reason to believe had been prepared for me a long time 
 before my arrival. 
 
 " At six precisely I entered the mansion of my trusty trustee. 
 The house was unchanged ; the same servants, the same gorgeous 
 furniture, and the same finely-dressed ladies, somewhat fuller and 
 broader to be sure than when I left them, but this was doubtless 
 owing to their style of dress, and the same circle of active and 
 enterprising friends; all looking finely, a little wider over the 
 waistband and somewhat care-worn about the eyes ; but their 
 laugh was hearty, while they assured me they were ruined past 
 all redemption; burst up; not a figment left; all owing to 
 the malignant influences of that * Sheeted Ghost, and of Oliver 
 Dane, by whom the deposits were removed from the banks, 
 without letting them know of the coming storm in time to take 
 in sail, or throw overboard some of the heavy stocks ; and when 
 the whirlwind took them aback, they went down all sails stand 
 ing ; and there they were, escaped with their lives and wives, 
 and that was all." 
 
 " Was there ever such a sad and summary method of account 
 ing for two or three millions of the best bills and stocks of the 
 country ! 
 
 " Dinner was announced, and I thought if I had lost all my 
 money I had better not let my appetite go with it; and so I said 
 no more about money matters, and you would have never guessed 
 that we were all ruined men and women, or that the young ladies 
 had shared in the common disasters of their families. Our con- 
 
126 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 versation as usual was buoyant and spirited; weddings and balls, 
 and operas and diamonds, all shone and sparkled in unison with 
 the rich wines we drank like water ; and I thought really, from 
 the excessive gayety of the young ladies especially, that being 
 ruined was one of the most delightful things in the world ; and 
 though I endeavored to take the same cheerful view of matters, 
 yet whenever the recollection of my good bills and stocks would 
 recur, it did not seem possible I could think of being ruined with 
 the same complacency with which it was regarded by these giddy 
 daughters of my friends. 
 
 " The next day they said they would be prepared to render me 
 an account of their stewardship ; and one of them candidly con 
 fessed it was indeed a most beggarly account of an empty ex 
 chequer, but it should be as honest as daylight; and with this 
 assurance I took my leave. 
 
 " About twelve o clock they came with their papers all nicely 
 folded and labelled, with large abstracts beautifully prepared, and 
 ruled with the utmost of clerical skill and beauty. What could 
 I expect more ? I had witnessed, during my career in Ohange 
 Alley, many very decided explosions, and I had looked on with 
 calmness, and sometimes with pleasure, as after some deep plot 
 ting and counter-plotting I had witnessed the sport of seeing the 
 engineer hoised with his own petard ; but now that I found my 
 self in the air, making the same species of gyrations, I did not 
 find the fun so exceedingly attractive as it had appeared to me 
 when but a looker-on at the misfortunes of others. Dean Swift 
 tells us he never knew a man who could not bear the misfor 
 tunes of other people with Christian resignation ; but to bear 
 our own is a stern task of soul. 
 
 " I will not detain you with all these and other thoughts which 
 rose in my mind as I saw in the abstracts of assets, ready to be 
 turned over to me in full discharge of all my claims, certificates 
 of state stock purchased at an advance of from ten to twenty-five 
 per cent., now merely nominal at ten and fifteen dollars the share; 
 shares of stocks in rail-roads, for which not a rail had as yet been 
 laid down ; in canals not yet dug ; a variety of stocks, the merest 
 creations of fancy and fraud: heavy loans on coal lands ; swamps 
 lying around and about Babylon ; cities of the west, drawn on 
 beautifully-colored maps, showing where the public buildings and 
 squares were to be, but the sites of which remained to be cleared 
 of their primeval forests ; pine lands in Eastern townships, which 
 they told me had proved to be a congregation of swamps and 
 stones such were the results of their management, all of which 
 they said would have been in good credit but for the removal of 
 the deposits. That I had some reason to complain of the re- 
 
FINAL SETTLEMENT WITH THE FINANCIERS. 127 
 
 moval of the deposits they all conceded, but comforted me by 
 saying that everybody was ruined; not a good house left all 
 gone to the devil ! I had good reason to guess that this last 
 statement was not true, though I thought it not unlikely it might 
 become so. 
 
 " To make an end of my long story, I was swallowed up by 
 my pelican friends ; and though a fish of somewhat larger size 
 than usual, they had found no difficulty in making me go down, 
 leaving as the undigested tail these miserable certificates of stock, 
 the remnant of all my moneys placed in their custody. To me 
 these stocks were utterly worthless, and I at once made them an 
 offer to draw drafts on them at a long date, payable with interest, 
 which they cheerfully accepted ; and here they are," said the 
 Gentleman in Black, with a sneering smile of satisfaction, as he 
 pulled out of his pocket a bundle of papers, carefully done up 
 and labelled. 
 
 " And are you not fearful of their defrauding you by taking the 
 benefit of some general act of bankruptcy ? inquired Mrs. Smith, 
 in tones of tender sympathy for the misfortunes of her guest. 
 
 * Oh no, my dear madam," replied the Gentleman in Black, 
 in a tone of the utmost confidence ; " they will doubtless avail 
 themselves of all manner of stay-laws, but they must come to 
 it at last ; these stay-laws will soon be exhausted, and if pay 
 ment be not then made, I have a summary process, known in 
 law as the writ ca. sa., which empowers me to take the body ; 
 and you may rely upon it, my dear madam, there s no dodging! 
 They will find no Portia who can, by a quibble of the law, save 
 them from their bonds the money or the body ! As there are 
 no Zaccheuses among them, that they never will repay ; so I have 
 booked them as my own years ago !" 
 
 Peter, in his letter to his friends, states, " There are some scenes and sub 
 jects, which, had they been written out, the outline as it lay in my mind, 
 would have been filled up." These consist of colloquys with Mrs. Smith, 
 and the adventures of the Gentleman in Black, after leaving Babylon the 
 Less. The Gentleman in Black returns to Europe, and recruits his funds by 
 the hiring of the genuine " coat of Christ," on shares, to the Archbishop of 
 Treves, the Bishop to be the exhibitor, while the Gentleman in Black went 
 through Germany to urge the peasantry to visit the relic. 
 
138 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black s spectacles; their uses He commences the narra 
 tive of his pursuit of Peter, who takes passage on board a merchant ship 
 with but one passenger, a Swedenborgian priest The priest asks a seat 
 and plate at the table for the Apostle Peter Peter takes the seat of the 
 Apostle Colloquy as to a future life The Captain s opinion of " Conjugial 
 Love" Contrast between Mahomet and Swedenborg The Captain s re 
 medy of hysterical wives The discovery of the Square of the Circle by 
 the Captain The story of the mate s first love The priest appeals to 
 Peter to settle the vexed questions as to his supremacy, and of Apostolical 
 succession The testimonies of the Fathers cited Character of the Popes 
 Pope Joan The Captain admits her claims The close of the appeal to 
 Peter 5 his verdict Conspiracy against Peter Test of Peter s apostleship 
 Advantages of abstinence Attempt to throw Peter overboard A storm, 
 at sea The loss of the mate Revenge of the Captain Peter steps ashore 
 on Cape Henry. 
 
 THE Gentleman in Black continued by saying, " After I had 
 recruited my purse, in the way I have stated, and from which 1 
 assure you I found means more ample than I needed to accom 
 plish the objects I had in view, I began my search of Master 
 Peter Schlemihl, who had roused the indignation of the world 
 against me, whining all the while about the loss of his contempti 
 ble shadow, as if I should have made such a fool s bargain as to 
 have agreed to such an exchange with him. And I assure you 
 he has been most eminently successful; there s not a young lady 
 on the Continent, who has not wet her beautiful embroidered 
 handkerchief with tears for the miseries of this lying rascal. 
 But let me ask you, madam, if I were to take my stand on the 
 steps of the Exchange in Change Alley, and we;e to offer the 
 use of my purse but for six hours to each of the gentlemen who 
 there most do congregate, in exchange for their several shadows, 
 how many men with their shadows do you guess would be found 
 there. Why, old Godolphin himself, I doubt not, would be 
 among the first to seize it and give it a good shaking. The 
 
OF REPUTATION ROBES. 129 
 
 crowd would resemble a pack of hungry hounds, yelping, biting 
 and tearing each other, eagerly waiting the instant of the throw 
 ing down of a dead hare. And do you think these gentlemen, 
 having filled their vaults with gold, would get the Chamissos 
 and La Motte Foques of the day to write most pitiable stories, 
 or pathetic ballads about their dire misfortunes ? No ! madam, 
 not one of them, but would rejoice in an exchange so every way 
 to their benefit. There is a species of shadow, or rather of dress, 
 madam, which it would be well for these good people to take 
 better care of than they do." 
 
 " May I ask what sort of dress, or shadow do you refer to ?" 
 
 " Their reputations, madam," replied the Gentleman in Black. 
 " With these," said he, holding up to his eye what wore the ap 
 pearance of a pair of gold spectacles, " I have it in my power to 
 see the exact condition of this very important vesture, and I as 
 sure you, it is amusing to see the high and lofty mien of many 
 well dressed, portly gentlemen, and most graceful and beauti 
 fully attired ladies, who sport their fine forms and costumes on 
 the Grand Avenue, of a bright sunny day, while their reputation 
 robes are all in ribbons, and flying about in tatters ; and some 
 few are perfectly denuded." 
 
 " Do let me look through those glasses," said Mrs. Smith 
 eagerly. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black politely handed the lady the spectacles, 
 who instantly levelled them at him. He sprung and caught her 
 hand, while he said laughingly, " Ah, madam, is that fair?" Mrs. 
 Smith promised that she would not use the glasses against him, 
 and so soon as her hands were at liberty, stood up, and was 
 about to direct the glasses to her own beautiful person as it was 
 reflected in the mirror. The Gentleman in Black again arrested 
 her hand and said, " no ! nor is that fair." 
 
 " Heavens !" exclaimed the lady, " and have I too lost my 
 reputation?" 
 
 " Far from it, I assure you tis in very admirable preservation." 
 
 Mrs. Smith handed the Gentleman in Black the glasses with 
 extreme reluctance, which evidently touched his sympathies, and 
 returning the spectacles to her said, in tones of great tenderness, 
 " my dear madam, few ladies would venture upon the scrutiny 
 you so earnestly seek. What higher evidence can you have of 
 your purity ^nd integrity ? but you shall have this assurance 
 verified by your own eyes. Look ! see a costume which is as 
 beautiful as the form to which it adheres." 
 
 Mrs, Smith smiled, and now, with some timidity, put the 
 glasses to her eyes, and gazed intensely upon these transparent 
 9 
 
130 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 and delicate reputation robes, which fitted her form most per 
 fectly, and gave great grace and beauty to her figure, and which, 
 through the glasses, looked like a lace dress worn over her own 
 rich satin evening dress. The shadow was in perfect order be 
 fore, but on looking round, she exclaimed : 
 
 " Bless me ! is there not a rent in my dress behind ?" 
 
 The Gentleman in Black told her it must have been an optical 
 illusion, and at the same time, he gently passed his hands over 
 the folds of her dress, and it was not discernible ; reassured, she 
 handed the glasses to the Gentleman in Black, who laid them 
 beside him on the sofa, and commenced his story of his pursuit 
 of Peter Schlemihl, by saying : 
 
 " I will now go on with my narrative ; money, dear Mrs. 
 Smith, is the true lever with which to move the world and this 
 I brought to bear, in my pursuit of the invisible and flying Peter; 
 and by the aid of money, I enlisted every policeman and petty 
 magistrate on the Continent, and in Great Britain, in my pay, 
 and also the stewards of all packet-ships sailing to this country. 
 The coin Peter disbursed and gave away, bore my impress, 
 and aided me to track his path, but the surest means of pursuit 
 was afforded by his letters to his only sister, which I took espe 
 cial pains to have intercepted or purloined, and sent to me, and 
 here they are," so saying, the Gentleman in Black took from 
 his pocket a large bundle of letters, carefully tied together. 
 " From these I found he had determined to come to Babylonia. 
 Accordingly, I redoubled my diligence to secure him on board 
 the ship in which he might chance to take his voyage. How he 
 would effect it, was a matter of mystery to me, still I did not 
 doubt he would make the attempt. And as it may amuse you, I 
 will give you the narrative as I learn it from these letters to his 
 sister, and from the steward, whom I discovered afterwards, and 
 who told me his part of the tale. But shall I not weary you? do 
 you not need to retire to your room ?" 
 
 "My dear sir, I beg you to go on ; I never was more wide 
 awake in my life than at this moment," replied Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " Should you weary of my story," said the Gentleman in 
 Black, " I beg you will frankly tell me so ; and with this assur 
 ance, it will give me pleasure to go on." 
 
 The lady smiled and bowed her assent. 
 
 "Peter, it seems, having stepped across the channel at Dover, 
 made his way to Liverpool. Here there were packet-ships 
 every week sailing for this country ; but as they were full of 
 passengers, he feared discovery. Finding a merchant ship about 
 to sail for the Monumental City, with but one gentleman pas- 
 
PETER S VOYAGE. 131 
 
 senger, Peter went aboard, taking his chance for getting across 
 the Atlantic unperceived by the captain and his crew. Soon 
 after leaving Lands-end, the passenger, a gentleman of about 
 forty years of age, with a most amiable and prepossessing ap 
 pearance, came on deck where Peter was standing, and, address 
 ing the captain, told him he wished him to give orders to his 
 steward to set an additional plate on the table, as he expected to 
 have the pleasure of entertaining the Apostle Peter, whom, he 
 was happy to say, would be his compagnon-du-voyage. The 
 captain looked at him with a stare of unlimited surprise. The 
 gentleman bore it with the utmost good humor, and, smiling, re 
 plied : You may not know, captain, that I am one of the priest 
 hood of the NEW CHURCH. My object in crossing the ocean is 
 to spread the doctrines of the illustrious and divine Swedenborg, 
 and I am assured that on my way I shall be favored by the so 
 ciety of the great Apostle, for whose entertainment I wish suit 
 able provision to be made. The captain, finding him earnest 
 and positive, called the steward and directed him to lay the table 
 accordingly. When they sat down to dinner, the captain said, 
 4 You will please, sir, attend to the wants of your guest and of 
 yourself, while I take care of my own and Mr. Kemble, who 
 was his first mate. The captain was not a little amused to see 
 the priest ask his invisible guest what it would please him to 
 have? and addressing his conversation, in the most choice and 
 respectful phrases, to his invisible guest. The news of this new 
 passenger was carried, by the steward, to the forecastle, and the 
 crew, curious to see how things went on, left their kids and came 
 aft to peep down the grated sky-lights, which was directly over 
 the table. Among the crew, was an Irishman and Spaniard, both 
 good Catholics, while the rest were all from the Puritan States. 
 To all these it was a most admirable farce, and they concluded 
 the priest was a crazy man, whose vein was, of all things, amus 
 ing. Our Peter all this while looked on with surprise and aston 
 ishment ; but not being accustomed to the sea, he had but little 
 appetite, and, consequently, no desire to fill the place allotted to 
 his illustrious namesake." 
 
 "But where did he sleep?" asked Mrs. Smith; "his berth 
 must have told the tale of his presence, if his appetite did not." 
 
 " Peter writes," replied the Gentleman in Black, " that during 
 the mate s watch he slept in his berth, and when the captain was 
 called, and before the mate came down, he crept into the cap 
 tain s berth, and so eluded their observation, as well as that of 
 the steward, during the whole voyage. But after Peter had been 
 out at sea some two or three days, his appetite became so exact- 
 
132 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 ing that he could no longer content himself with the crumbs 
 which fell from the table, and seeing the plate filled with very 
 tempting viands, he made bold to seat himself in the Apostle s 
 chair, and commenced the work of consumption in good earnest. 
 The astonishment of the priest was only equalled by the wonder 
 of the captain and mate, which took from them all their wonted 
 appetite, while it left them at leisure to watch the rapid disap 
 pearance of the food from the plate of the venerated saint. Nor 
 was this astonishment confined to the cabin ; the crew, duly ad 
 vised by the steward of what was going on below, forgot every 
 thing to get a peep at the real Apostle Peter in the act of dining. 
 The intense interest manifested by the Catholics was only equal 
 to the doubt and wonder exhibited by the Puritans. * Faith, 
 said one of these last, * St. Peter has a most wonderful appetite 
 of his own. By St. Patrick ! cried out the poor Irishman, with 
 ecstacy of tone, 4 see how the praties go ; I ll swear he s an 
 Irishman, every inch of him. The Spaniard said his beads 
 .with an excess of devotion, looking every now and then to see 
 the progress the Apostle made of his meal. The truth is, this 
 having a saint on board ship made him feel very uncomfortable, 
 and he had many recollections of acts long since forgotten, which 
 he had no wish to have revived : and in this state of feelings all 
 the crew shared more or less, according to the course of their 
 past lives, and, though they dared not to say it, they all wished 
 him in Heaven rather than aboard their ship. 
 
 " This state of surprise, however, wore off after a day or two, 
 and the priest gathered courage to address the Apostle on sub 
 jects connected with his own peculiar views, and requested him 
 to give his unquestioned testimony to the truth of the revelations 
 he had so much at heart to promulgate, about all which the cap 
 tain and mate had shown the most arrant skepticism. The poor 
 saint found himself in sad extremities when he was asked about 
 his interiors, of the spirit s existence in a world in which there 
 was neither time nor space an assertion which the captain and 
 mate said was an absurdity, For, said they, if a spirit had the 
 form of a man, that form must, of necessity, occupy space, and 
 so these problems of the Old Schoolmen came up in a discussion 
 by men who never had heard of Duns Scotus and his astute dis 
 ciples, by whom this subject had been exhausted five centuries 
 ago ; and, by whom, all that human subtilty can invent on the 
 subject of time, space, and infinity, together with the modes of 
 existence of spirit and of Deity, has been laboriously elaborated. 
 Now whatever may have been the ability of the Apostle himself 
 to unravel these mysteries, which have confused the mightiest 
 
SWEDENBORGIANISM. 133 
 
 minds of earth, it is certain that our Peter, not unlike other suc 
 cessors of the Apostle elsewhere, (when asked to solve questions 
 hard to be understood,) found it safest and best to shield his infal 
 libility by keeping his own counsel. 
 
 " One day the priest produced his Bible to refresh his memory 
 with a text, and it occurred to our Peter that he might help him 
 self out of the dilemmas in which he so constantly found him 
 self, by making use of the sacred writings. The subject next up 
 was the occupations of the invisible world, about which the cap 
 tain had his own notions. 
 
 " * For his part, he said, he didn t believe men would be for 
 ever singing hymns as we see em represented in the churches of 
 the old countries, a parcel of unbreeched cherubs, sitting on a 
 damp cloud with psalm books in their hands* nor do I think 
 men would be likely to follow the seas, as I m compelled to do, 
 away from my wife and children. That wouldn t suit me, 
 though, for aught I know, it may be a heaven upon earth to 
 some men. The captain looked at the priest as though he meant 
 he should take it, but this gentleman only smiled, and renewed 
 the topic of angelic intercourse with Peter, who, taking the Bible, 
 opened it to the following passage, which he marked with his 
 pencil, Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits 
 whether they be of God. The priest deemed this rather an 
 evasive answer, and, delighted that the Apostle had condescended 
 to give him a reply of any sort, pushed his inquiries still further. 
 Peter bore it with great firmness and forbearance, but getting 
 weary of all this, he marked the following text, Avoid profane 
 and vain babblings, and oppositions of science, falsely so called, 
 which some professing, have erred concerning the faith. The 
 captain clapped his hands and cried out: 
 
 "* There he s into ye, doctor! 
 
 " It must be confessed the apostle sunk some degrees in the 
 esteem of his host, who could not conceal his mortification at this 
 repulse, and the want of conformity of his guest to his own che 
 rished opinions. 
 
 " But it was evident from the looks of Mr. Kemble, that the 
 apostle rose in his respect as rapidly as he fell in that of the 
 priest. The mate had taken to reading Swedenborg s books, 
 which lay on the transom, from the commencement of the voyage, 
 and his attention was especially rivetted by the treatise on con- 
 jugial love,t so much so that the captain had jeered him about 
 
 * Robert Hall. 
 
 t Delights of Wisdom, concerning conjugial love. Boston : printed by J. Har 
 rington Carter & Co., pp. 458. 
 
134 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 being in a fair way to become a convert to the * new church, 
 quoting the assumptive title of the priest. And now having the 
 sanction of so high authority as St. Peter to back him up, he 
 ventured to try his hand at an argument. Till now he had listened 
 to all the priest had said, and read the books, consisting of the 
 Arcana and other standard writers of this new religion, of which 
 this work on conjugial love, held, as it would naturally do with a 
 young man, a chief place in his studies ; so laying down the book, 
 he addressed the priest. 
 
 44 Here are revelations upon revelations ! who stands sponsor for 
 all these astonishing visions ? The gospel has the high authen 
 tication of prophecy and miracle, but what has Swedenborg to 
 show he was not a maniac, or worse? 
 
 44 4 My dear Mr. Kemble, I am happy to find in this company 
 one person looking as he said so, to the chair of St. Peter, with 
 some bitterness of expression ready to discuss the claims of 
 Swedenborg to the faith of the world. I had hoped to have been 
 sustained where as yet I have been doomed to disappointment. 
 But this may be explained from the tenacity of men in adhering 
 to their "prevailing loves " and I presume no one will doubt the 
 love of a certain Apostle to power, and if tradition can be credited, 
 a supremacy among the disciples. 
 
 44 4 Gently, gently ! said the captain, not exactly certain how it 
 would do to beard an Apostle on board his ship, and having no 
 desire to have any head winds in consequence of the disputations 
 below deck. 
 
 " The priest bowed politely to the captain and said, 4 The liberty 
 of speech and of action were the first of the privileges of the citi 
 zens of the New Jerusalem. Then turning to Mr. Kemble, he 
 said: Swedenborg addresses himself to the reason the con 
 sciousness. If a man has a soul and will but bring it to the 
 light, it must be enlightened he must believe ; not by force, but 
 by love for " miracles/orce men and take away their free agency 
 in spiritual things." " Faith produced by miracles is not faith ; 
 there s nothing rational in it, still less spiritual it being merely 
 external without any internal principle."* 
 
 44 The mate replied, Our Saviour, who is the only God, by 
 your system, and who cannot err, performed miracles, and made 
 the unbelief of Jews an aggravation of their sin but it may be I 
 don t understand the meaning of these words, for if there is a 
 mystical meaning under every text, how am I ever to know wha 
 is truth ? The Bible, I was once taught, was a plain simple book, 
 but this 4 Dictionary of Correspondences, continued Mr. Kemble, 
 
 * True Chr. Religion, sec. 501 
 
OF CONJUGIAL LOVE. 135 
 
 laying his hand on a work of several volumes, upsets all confi 
 dence and all hope ; for here, the very first word, Aaron, has no 
 less than nine distinct meanings, and so, after having rejected 
 most of the canonical books, you make of the rest hodge-podge 
 by your theory of correspondences. 
 
 " Captain, said Mr. Kemble turning to the excellent com 
 mander as he sat leaning his head on his elbows, looking for all 
 the world like a good-natured Newfoundland dog, who seems 
 taking in all his master s discourse the captain pricked up his 
 ears, and sat upright here s a book which I have been studying 
 these few days past, putting his hand on the book of conjugial 
 love, and I am at a loss what leaf to refer to, which I might 
 venture to read aloud. 
 
 " My dear fellow I m really a thousand times obliged to you, 
 to have a care of my morals ; they need looking after ; but who 
 would have thought such a terrible book would have ever been 
 written by an old bachelor of a doctor? I m sure I sha n t dare 
 to read a line in it, taking the book for the first time into his 
 hand, and really beginning to read it; turning to the table of con 
 tents, the captain whistled This opens rich ! and he soon grew 
 so deeply enamored of the book, turning from the table of 
 contents to the sections, as to have very little concern in the 
 course of conversation, which was continued by the mate and 
 priest. The subject still being on conjugial love, a passion exist 
 ing, and constituting, as Swedenborg has it, the delight of all de 
 lights in heaven ! * Now here, said Mr. Kemble, * is a copy 
 of Sale s Koran, and I will read you the passage from it, de 
 scribing his conceptions of paradise, and we will then contrast it 
 with Swedenborg, and if the apostle will be pleased to decide, I 
 wish he would do so, which is the purest picture of a future life. 
 I am willing to abide by his decision. So saying, Mr. Kemble 
 read from the Koran, the following passage : 
 
 " The Lord hath prepared two gardens, planted with shady 
 trees ; in each of them are two fountains flowing, and of every 
 fruit two kinds. Ye shall repose on couches, the linings where- 
 
 * Socrates preceded Swedenborg in his theory of Conjugial Love. In the 
 Symposia of Plato and Xeriophon, his views are stated, but he was far more 
 refined than the Swedish Ghost-seer. "According to Xenophon, physical love 
 was directly excluded by Socrates ; according to Plato, it was considered as 
 an approximating step to the proper and true love. At last, however, Alci- 
 biades comes forward in Plato s dialogue, and testifies, what certainly is his 
 torical, as he himself knew it from experience, that Socrates was unsuscepti 
 ble of every lower kind of love, being devoted to spiritual or moral Jove alone. 
 According to both dialogues, heavenly love is different from the earthly, the 
 heavenly Aphrodite from the common. Xenophontis, Convivium, ch. 8, sec. 
 9. Plato, Symposium, p. 385, ed. of Becker." Tholuck on Heathenism. 
 
1*36 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 of are thick silk, interwoven with gold, and the first of the two 
 gardens shall be near at hand together. Therein shall be beaute 
 ous damsels, whom no man shall have embraced before thee, 
 neither any spirit, having complexions like rubies and pearls. 
 Shall the reward of good works be other than good ? Beside 
 there shall be two gardens of a dark green. In each of them 
 shall be two fountains pouring forth plenty of water. In each 
 of them shall be fruits, and palm trees, and pomegranates. 
 Therein shall be agreeable and beautiful damsels, having fine 
 black eyes, and kept in pavilions from public view which of 
 the Lord s gifts will ye ungratefully deny ? Blessed be the name 
 of the Lord possessed of glory and honor. * Such are the 
 scenes of a future state, as revealed by Mahomet the false pro 
 phet. 
 
 " * Now we come to the descriptions of the Baron Sweden- 
 borg, the true prophet. If you please, hand me Apocalypse Re 
 vealed. The book was handed. I purposed to read, venera 
 ble sir, said Mr. Kemble, looking to the chair of St. Peter, sec 
 tion 566 of this work, but I believe you must pardon me, if I 
 merely make a brief of it. We have here, then, " a splendid palace, 
 tiers of oil and wine, tiers of fragrance, and a feast of sweet cakes 
 and condiments, a fountain overflowing with nectareous wine, 
 the stream of which disperses itself and fills the cups of the 
 guests. After dinner, games of hand-ball, rackets, and the sports 
 of love." I will not presume to read the passages which give 
 the physical reasons for the superiority of the conjugal relations 
 in heaven. They may be found in sections 4403, 5050-5053 of 
 Arcana Celestia, and in sections 44, 103-114, 183 of Conjugial 
 Love. It seems the ladies have the advantage of us, in having a 
 sixth sense. And if it be said by the advocates of this new 
 heresy, that though I have not misquoted Swedenborg, I do not 
 understand him as he designs to be understood in this matter, I 
 beg leave to say, Swedenborg affirms, " there is altogether a simi 
 lar love between consorts in heaven, as in earth," and not only 
 so, but that it results in "similar ultimate delights;" if it were 
 fitting to speak more plainly, the language is all here, laying his 
 hand on Conjugial Love. 
 
 "The captain, who had been all the while reading and examin 
 ing the book, with an attention so absorbed, as to admit of no 
 consciousness of what was being said, now that the mate laid his 
 hand on the page he was reading, lifted up his head with the 
 look of one amazed, and leaving the Swedenborgian no time for 
 the elaborate reply he, no doubt, had ready for the mate, broke 
 in upon all order of debate, by asking the priest a very strange 
 question truly ! and in a most abrupt tone 
 
OF DIVORCES. 137 
 
 " Where s your wife ? The priest hesitated an instant, and 
 the captain repeated his inquiry. 
 
 " For what cause did you separate yourself from your wife ? 
 Are you divorced ? 
 
 " The priest now recovered his presence of mind, and replied, 
 1 1 am at a loss to know, captain, why you put such inquiries to 
 me, and beg before I reply, that you will explain your object 
 in putting them to me. 
 
 " Certainly ! exclaimed the captain, all wide awake, * here 
 I read of fifty or more " legitimate, just and truly sufficient causes 
 which justify separations, and the taking of a concubine to supply 
 the place of a wife." Fifty causes for divorce, when the Bible 
 allows but one. Pray tell us what these fifty causes are? 
 
 " The priest replied, they are both mental and physical ; I need 
 not go into particulars ; but Swedenborg teaches, " it is a legiti 
 mate, just and truly sufficient cause of separation and concu 
 binage that a wife is subject to a severe hysteric disease." 
 Here the captain lifted up both hands ; the priest continued : * or 
 " the highest stubbornness in not obeying what is just and equal," 
 or " that she talks upon nothing but insignificant things, and trifles," 
 or " that she has crude eructations from the stomach,"* which was 
 the case with my wife. 
 
 " By the Lord Harry ! did I ever hear the like before ? cried 
 the captain ; and so, instead of giving your wife a prescription 
 of magnesia, you write her out a bill of divorcement. Really 
 this is matrimony made easy, with a witness. And what provi 
 sion does the old Swede make for such young bloods as Kemble? 
 
 " Swedenborg, continued the priest, with all gravity, as you 
 will see in Conjugial Love, page 353, and in section 459, sanc 
 tions the largest liberty any virtuous-minded man can desire, to 
 the unmarried. ! 
 
 " And how many mistresses may a man have at a time ? 
 
 " Only one, replied the priest, calmly, and then only in the 
 temper of conjugial love. 
 
 " Only think of that, Kemble ! exclaimed the captain. Then 
 turning to the Apostle Peter, he said, I m not half so good a 
 man as I might be, and not in the least like a saint ; but after all 
 I can give a small appendix to the next edition of this book, 
 which will make it sell as rapidly as did De Foe s vision of Mrs. 
 Veal, or " Reflections on Death," by the Rev. Dr. Drelincourt. 
 Now, sir, addressing the priest, what I have to say, you may 
 
 * See Conj. Love, Sects. 252, 253, 4G2, 470. 
 
 -j- This subject is treated of by Rev. Dr. Pond, in his "Review of Sweden- 
 borgianism" with a fullness of detail that may be allowed of in a divine, but 
 would be very wicked if repeated by Peter Schlemihl. 
 
138 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 put in front or behind, I don t care where it is, of the next edi 
 tion of this book. I am sure everybody will say there s more 
 gospel in my way of managing women, than this old ghost-seer 
 ever dreamed of, with all his dreams. Let me tell you, sir, this 
 breaking up the relations of husband and wife is no child s-play ; 
 tis not a game of" fast and loose," to be so much as thought of, even 
 if there were no children whose rights and affections are to be con 
 sulted. But now, sir, for my method of curing the first of those 
 horrid enormities, which justify your New Jerusalem saints in 
 sending their wives adrift, " the having a severe hysteric disease." ! 
 The captain having put into his mouth a fresh plug of tobacco, 
 and pulling down his vest, with a most positive air and look, com 
 menced as follows : 
 
 "* When a man speaks of his own wife, he is allowed to be a 
 little poetical, I suppose, and I claim the right to say that my wife 
 is one of the finest built women that lives on the shores or bays 
 of the Hudson. She has a bright black eye of her own, and her 
 head has a trim set, when it s rigged out with a new bonnet, and 
 her step a pointing of the toe, which can t be exceeded anywhere 
 in all the world. When she s drest you d swear she was made 
 for the clothes, and not the clothes for her, and she walks with an 
 ease and air, which not one man in fifty but stops and looks round 
 to take another look at her; now, sir, there s my wife ! And is 
 such a woman as that to be sent out, bag and baggage, because 
 she takes it into her head to get up a scene or two of hysterics ? 
 certainly not ! exclaimed the captain. I appeal to the Apostle 
 Peter ! The captain now turned to Peter, and with the air of a 
 man about to state a case, in which he felt the deepest interest. 
 
 " Sir, you had a Madam Apostle Peter, a woman who went 
 with you in all your journeyings, establishing and confirming the 
 churches, perilous journeys they were, no doubt, and your saint 
 like lady doubtless had her ups and downs, and like another Mrs. 
 Whitefield, might have been a little jealous of the fair converts, 
 when they made too free with her husband, as they are apt to do. 
 Now, sir, did it ever come down to you, in a vision, or any other 
 way, that Mrs. Peter was to be sent about her business, because 
 she sometimes was a little out of sorts, and thought her rights in 
 fringed upon ? Not at all ! Here Peter gave his knock on the 
 table, which he had from the first adopted as a sign, when he 
 would answer in the affirmative. 
 
 " My dear sir, said the captain, leaning toward the apostle in 
 a confiding and familiar manner, * how has it happened that the 
 Church of Rome has never put your wife s name in the Calendar 
 of Saints? They have canonized all sorts of women, some for 
 preferring hair shirts to linen ones, and for sleeping on boards in- 
 
THE CAPTAIN S WIFE. 139 
 
 stead of beds. Now this is very strange; and if you will allow 
 me to advise you as to your course of proceeding when we arrive 
 home, I will show you how all this may be set right. " Our 
 Church," I mean the one to which my wife belongs, is very anx 
 ious to be put at the head of all the churches of the world, as the 
 pure Apostolic Church, and if you will keep yourself aloof from 
 all the Presbyterians, and Methodists and Baptists, and turn up 
 your nose at them as dissenters, and not make a fool of yourself, 
 as Mah Yohannan, the Armenian bishop did, during his late visit 
 to our country, by mixing himself up with all sorts of people, 
 you can have everything your own way, and they will be right 
 glad of the chance of making you their Primate, and your wife 
 Arch Primate of our House of Bishops, and we will get up such 
 a glorification, as will put all the poor outcasts of the Church to 
 shame. 
 
 " Peter rapped on the table his affirmative, and the captain was 
 so delighted with the anticipated triumphs of the Church of the Re 
 public, that he seemed to have forgotten all about what he had 
 promised to tell them as his remedy for hysterical wives. 
 
 " Mr. Kemble reminded the captain of his promise, and claimed 
 his compliance. 
 
 " Certainly, said the captain. You must know, then, that 
 last October was a year, when I arrived at Babylon with a cargo 
 of teas from Canton, and as soon as it was possible, I left the 
 ship, and under the highest steam-pressure, set out for my little 
 nook of a village, on the Hudson, where my whole stock of hu 
 man hopes and affections lay invested in a wife and three chil 
 dren. Tt is singular, perhaps, but so it is, that I never have any 
 dread that anything can have happened to my family, till I get on 
 soundings, and then I can neither sleep nor eat, till I get into port, 
 and have seen my owners, and found out if all is well at home. 
 I had the happiness to learn that my family had been increased 
 by a fine boy, born one month after my departure. You may 
 guess my impatience to see him. I sent off a letter announcing 
 my arrival, and the day on which I should be at home. My wel 
 come was as joyous as I could have wished it to be. The boy 
 was a noble fellow, a year old, and as like me as two peas. These 
 are bright days of sunshine, which repay a sailor for some of the 
 storms of his ocean life, and of which his owners, though they 
 get all the profit of the voyage, can t deprive him, though they 
 would do so if they could, for they grudge everything to their 
 ship-masters. 
 
 " After I had been at home three days, I returned to finish up 
 the voyage with the owners, and haul up the ship. This done, 
 I returned, bag and baggage, to my wife, to make a long stay at 
 
140 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 home. The opening of a sailor s boxes is always a matter of 
 interest to captains wives, and I had procured for myself all 
 the presents Canton provides. Two pieces of rich silk for 
 dresses, a set of lacquered tea-tables, a set of carved chessmen, 
 and things of that sort. I saw a look of disappointment upon 
 my wife s face, but she said nothing, and so the matter passed off. 
 But when Sunday morning came, my wife was exceedingly cross, 
 and declared she wouldn t go to church, though she was as regu 
 lar as the sexton, " for," she said, " I ve nothing fit to wear." I 
 thought it very odd, but said nothing, and taking my little boy and 
 girl, set off for church. Everybody was glad to see me, and I 
 quite forgot that all was not right at home, till I found my way 
 back into my house. There my wife stood, ready to scold the 
 children for muddying their shoes, and would have spanked them 
 on the spot, if I had not interfered, with a good deal of firmness 
 in word and look. The children were undressed, and dinner 
 served, and nothing on the table was cooked fit to eat. And so 
 the next week passed on. My coffee was as thick as mud my 
 turkeys done to a crust, and I well knew the devil was about to 
 be let loose, but for why, I couldn t guess. In the meanwhile, 
 my wife s sister, who had been a sort of ship s-cousin quartered 
 upon me, ever since my marriage, looked all the while as demure 
 as a Connecticut deacon under the parish pulpit, and gave no 
 sign to show me what all this was about. 
 
 " On the next Saturday afternoon, as I was sitting with my wife 
 and children, I heard a knock at the door, and called out " Come 
 in" and in came my old friend, Captain Thomas Bowline, and 
 his wife, in all the splendors of a new rig. He had returned the 
 week before me from Calcutta, and we were the only sea-faring 
 men of the place, and though our wives were neighbors, it so 
 happened, that we had not been home, at the same time, for six 
 years. 
 
 " I was delighted to see them both, and my wife, I thought, 
 was wonderfully cool, though exceedingly polite. I soon forgot 
 all about her manner, in the pleasure of talking over our several 
 fortunes since we last met ; and as we had not met before, he 
 having been absent from the village since my coming home, we 
 had many things to talk over. They made a long call, and when 
 they went away, my wife went up to her room, and I saw no 
 more of her, for when tea was ready, she sent word down that 
 she had a headache, and had gone to bed. 
 
 " The next morning matters wore no more pleasant aspect than 
 they had done, and when the first church bell began to ring, my 
 wife burst out into a flood of tears, and set off for her chamber. 
 I followed her, and there she lay, on the bed, in a regular fit of hys- 
 
CAPTAIN WEATHERSFIELD AND HIS WIFE. 141 
 
 terics. When she came to herself, I asked " Why, what on 
 earth ! what is all this about?" She rose, and putting her hands 
 on my shoulders, looked me full in the face, and said " Captain 
 Weatherstield, if you don t know, you ought to know" and I 
 Malted down under her look, like a boy caught in the act of 
 playing truant. 
 
 " There s very few men, said the captain, addressing the Apos 
 tle Peter, who, after a long voyage, could have stood such an 
 appeal as this. I felt some rascal had been telling stories out of 
 school ; but for the life of me, couldn t conceive who it could be. 
 And then my wife went off again, into another fit, worse than the 
 first. I took off her shoes, and her feet were as cold as ice. As 
 I rubbed them, I conjured up all the recollections of my voyage, 
 and they were not half as pleasant as I could have wished them. 
 But finding it impossible to restore my wife, I ran down stairs, 
 leaving the doors all open behind me, to the kitchen, to make 
 some mulled wine, and there was my wife s sister, with her de 
 mure face, which helped to irritate me no little. I called for 
 wine, and spices, and a porringer, and while it was heating she 
 began, by saying " She wished to Heaven her sister knew how 
 to treat a husband as he deserved to be treated that if she was 
 a wife, she should know how to prize a man who did everything 
 a man could do to please her." I was in no humor to hear my 
 wife abused, and so I burst out upon her in a rage, and told her 
 " I believed she was a snake in the grass, and that I had rather 
 have her sister, than ten thousand such hypocrites as she was ; 
 that if there was any mischief made between me and my wife, I 
 knew whom to thank for it all." She lifted up her hands, and 
 said : " She believed all men were fools, and of all fools I was 
 the greatest." This brought on a spirited altercation, in which I 
 spoke my mind pretty plainly. So soon as I had heated the wine, 
 I decanted it into a tumbler. My wife s sister had recommended 
 hot vinegar, but I told her " I would leave the vinegar cruet all to 
 herself; I knew a better thing than that for my wife." 
 
 * On my way up stairs, I thought I heard my wife s footsteps 
 about the chamber, but on entering, I found her lying on the bed, 
 crying in a very sensible way, so I found no difficulty in persuad 
 ing her to drink the mulled wine, and then I set to work rubbing 
 her feet again. She now began to sob, and to say, " She didn t 
 deserve to have such a husband I was too good for her 
 nobody would love her nobody ought to love her." I felt en 
 couraged to leave rubbing her feet, and take to rubbing her hands, 
 and to kiss her, begging her to tell me " What was the matter." 
 And then she fell to crying again, and sobbing, she said " She 
 couldn t tell me, for I should hate her, and she deserved to be 
 
142 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 hated," and all that sort of thing. The more she decried herself, 
 the more penitent I became, and was on the point of making a 
 clean breast, and asking her forgiveness ; but luckily, I did no 
 such thing, for after sobbing, the secret came out, " Captain Bow 
 line had brought home to his wife a Cashmere shawl, and I had 
 only brought her a silk dress." " Is that all!" I exclaimed, and I 
 kissed her as heartily as ever a woman was kissed before. And 
 now twas my turn to complain, to tell her " how unkind she had 
 been to keep me in such suspense all the while," and then came 
 her turn to put her arms round my neck, and to kiss me, and beg 
 to be forgiven. All which, I assure you, was a very agreeable 
 winding up of this scene. 
 
 " I was not long in discovering the whole secret of my wife s 
 grievances. She thought I didn t love her as much as Captain 
 Tom loved his wife, because I brought China silks from Canton, 
 instead of an India shawl; but I explained to her that Cashmere 
 shawls came from one part of the world, and silk from another; 
 but these women believe shawls are made everywhere beyond the 
 seas. 
 
 " Now, as your reverence knows, continued the Captain, bow 
 ing to Peter s chair, every woman has her Napoleon Bonaparte, 
 and my wife s was Mrs. Tom Bowline, and the thought of being 
 outshone by her at church had caused all this commotion, now 
 so happily ended in a clearing up shower. I told my wife her 
 wishes should be gratified so soon as ever I had it in my power 
 to do so, and intended that this should be done as soon as ever I 
 could find a shawl to my mind. 
 
 " By dinner time my wife was dressed, and as we sat down to 
 dinner she looked as happy as a bride, and as for myself, I never 
 was happier in my life. My wife s sister looked on with aston 
 ishment, and I was surprised to see for the first time, that my 
 wife spoke to her with a little tinge of sharpness. I had reason 
 to believe afterwards, that my wife hearing our loud talking, had 
 come to the head of the stairs and overheard us. It was one of 
 those few instances in which listeners hear good things of them 
 selves ; and resulted in my wife s sister finding the house too hot 
 for her ; so she married herself off to a saddler, and removed to 
 Babylon. 
 
 " * But to go on with my story ; the next day my wife and I set 
 out for Babylon, she to have her China silks made up, and as for 
 myself, I really had no other business than to accompany her, 
 and to buy a shawl, which should outshine Mrs. Tom Bowline s. 
 Fortunately, I found my old friend Briggs, of Salem, just in from 
 Calcutta, with a half dozen magnificent shawls, of which he 
 allowed me to make my pick, at cost price, and a bill made out 
 
THE CAPTAIN S WIFE AT CHURCH. 143 
 
 at any price I pleased to have affixed. So I modestly told him 
 he might receipt a bill for one at seven hundred and fifty dollars, 
 for which I paid him three hundred. This I had safely stowed 
 away in my trunk as a coat I had been buying. I purchased, 
 besides, a fine satin bonnet with a plume that drooped down on 
 her shoulder in the most bewitching style, and she was perfectly 
 delighted with her visit. We remained in town a week, when 
 her silks came home from the milliners. Her dresses were just 
 as she liked to have them ; a most rare thing, I can tell you, and 
 as to the bonnet, no language could express her admiration of it. 
 And so we reached home on Saturday night, perfectly well pleased 
 with everything in the house and out of it. 
 
 " The next day was rather a bright frosty day, and my wife 
 dressed in her beautiful bonnet and rich silk dress, certainly looked 
 charming. She had a pretty fur cape on, and with a sweet smile 
 said, " Now, dear, let us go, for the bell is tolling." You must 
 know my wife never goes into church too soon, but just before 
 the minister commences his prayers. " Why, my dear, where s 
 your shawl ?" " Oh ! I don t need a shawl to-day." " But, love, 
 just please me, and wear one ;" she was for an instant a little dis 
 pleased, but quelling the feeling, she ran up stairs, and there lay 
 my splendid present on her bureau. She came running down 
 with it on her arm, and throwing her arms round my neck, burst 
 into tears. As I knew these tears did her good, I let her cry 
 them out, and so soon as they could be dried away, she put on 
 her shawl, found it all right, and though I say it, there never was 
 a finer looking, nor a happier woman in the world than my wife 
 at that moment. 
 
 " We walked up the head of the broad aisle, in presence of 
 the whole congregation, to our pew, next to the minister s, and it 
 would have done your heart good to have heard her sweet, clear, 
 ringing voice, making the responses ; she seemed especially de 
 sirous that all the congregation should know what a miserable 
 sinner she was, and how " she had done the things she ought not 
 to have done ;" and when the service was over, she had a kind 
 word for every one, especially was she anxious for the health of 
 Mrs. Bowline, and all her children, and on the church steps she 
 lingered to speak to all our neighbors, high and low, far and near ; 
 so it was pretty well advertised before we got home, that my wife 
 had a splendid shawl, the prettiest bonnet, and the richest silk 
 dress ever seen in that parish. As for poor Mrs. Tom Bowline, 
 her dinner was spoilt for one day. Nor was she the only woman 
 made miserable by my wife s finery. Many an old cloak and 
 shawl, which in the morning was thought good enough to last 
 another winter, was now taken off with a feeling of absolute 
 
144 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 loathing. The wives of all the parish praised me up to the hus 
 bands, as "such a kind man," "one who loved to see his wife look 
 like somebody ;" and the daughters teased their fathers for new 
 bonnets and shawls, so that I was abundantly abused on all hands 
 by the men, for spending all my money on my wife s back ; and 
 when the secret leaked out what my wife s shawl cost, for I took 
 care to hide Brigg s bill, where my wife was sure to find it, the 
 admiration of the women, and the contempt of the men, rose to 
 the highest pitch. One thing is certain never had the parish 
 church worn such a fashionable air before as it did that winter. 
 Now, said the Captain, with a thump on the table which made 
 the glasses dance, * there s my method of treating women with 
 hysterics. And I will give you, sir, addressing the priest, the 
 exact proportions of spice to be put into a pint of wine, and in 
 your next edition of Conjugial Love, I beg you will put it in as 
 Captain Weathersfield s remedy. Women will sometimes be 
 cross-grained ; it can t be helped ! but instead of breaking up all 
 the relations of husband and wife, mother and child, the most 
 terrible of all calamities, let everybody try my prescription a 
 pint of mulled wine taken warm on going to bed, and a Cash 
 mere shawl in the morning and I pledge you my life it will 
 work wonders. There need never be another divorce on that 
 score don t you think so ? said the Captain turning briskly to 
 Peter. 
 
 " Poor Peter had listened with all the ears in his head, and 
 now only saved his reputation for sanctity by running on deck 
 and stepping up into the main top, where he had his explosion 
 of mirth out of hearing. So soon as he had regained his com 
 posure, he returned to the cabin. He found the priest had retired 
 to his state-room the Captain was taking a nap, and Mr. Kem- 
 ble was on deck, walking with his accustomed air of abstraction 
 and thoughtfulness. 
 
 " At supper, however, the priest returned to the attack, and 
 after telling Peter of the grounds for his own convictions of the 
 truth of Swedenborg s revelations, was shocked beyond measure 
 by Peter marking the verse, * Refuse profane and old wives 
 fables. But I should weary you to tell you of all these contro 
 versies, which are fully related in Peter s letters to his sister. 
 
 "It appears that in proportion as the Apostle lost ground with 
 the priest, he gained favor with the captain, who, one morning, 
 begged him to remain after breakfast, as he had something particu 
 lar to say to him. Peter, accordingly, kept his seat, wondering 
 what was to happen. The captain, when all had left the cabin, 
 drew up his chair yet closer to the table, and, in a low voice, told 
 him he had a great secret to tell him, and that he, Peter, could 
 
SQUARING OF THE CIRCLE. 145 
 
 do him the greatest favor he could possibly receive, and for which 
 he would make him any sort of compensation he might ask of 
 him. Peter was all astonishment and expectation. The cap 
 tain paused as though the confidence he was about to repose was 
 almost too much to give even to the Apostle Peter, and his coun 
 tenance was full of the intense interest he felt in what he was about 
 to say. Screwing his courage up to the sticking point, he said, I 
 have discovered how to square the circle ! 
 
 " Is it possible ! exclaimed our Peter, in the very best of 
 English. 
 
 " Now he could not have said three words which went so 
 directly to the heart of the captain. It at once assured him of 
 his success, and the glorious visions of wealth and fame were, at 
 that moment, all his own. 
 
 " * Yes, that I have, and I will show how it s done. You see, 
 I ve always thought it could be done, and there s a hundred thou 
 sand pounds deposited in the Bank of England, ready to be paid 
 over to me so soon as I shall apply for it. 
 
 " * And why did you not apply for it ? said Peter, still speak 
 ing, entirely off his guard. 
 
 " * Ah ! my dear fellow, said the captain, clapping his hand on 
 the Apostle s back (you see how that one exclamation of our 
 Peter made a boon companion of him," said the Gentleman in 
 Black, parenthetically) ; " * it was because I couldn t exactly 
 bring out the answer. 
 
 " And the idea struck the captain as being very odd that the 
 Apostle s coat felt as if made of broadcloth, and he thought he felt 
 buttons on the sleeve as he laid his hand on his arm, while mak 
 ing this last remark. 
 
 " Now, said the captain, you know as well as I can tell 
 you, for I suppose two and two make four in heaven just the 
 same as they do on earth, that the quadrature and rectification of 
 the circle are problems which have exercised the abilities of the 
 most eminent mathematicians in all ages, and that if the ratio of 
 the diameter were known, <these problems, by the known proper 
 ties of the circle, would become very simple. Now Archimedes 
 found the perimeter of a circumscribed regular polygon of 192 
 sides, is to the diameter in a less ratio than 3j to 1, and that the 
 perimeter of an inscribed regular polygon of 96 sides, is to the 
 diameter in a greater ratio than 3|^ to 1, therefore, he inferred 
 that the ratio was 2 7 2 , which is certainly very near the truth ; but 
 my method is by fluxions, and comes almost to the very thing 
 itself. 
 
 " * But that won t do, said Peter ; a miss is as good as a 
 mile. 
 10 
 
146 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " Ah ! but you can help me in this matter; I m sure of it; 
 and I ll give you half. 
 
 " Peter smiled at the idea of being bought up by the captain, 
 who now took from his desk a paper on which his calculations 
 were made ; but before the captain had commenced showing him 
 his method or calculus, Peter candidly confessed that he could 
 not help him, for he knew nothing about mathematics. 
 
 " The captain was very greatly disappointed, and, to use the ex 
 pressive phrase of the Scriptures, his face became changed to 
 wards Peter from that time, and putting up his papers, he went on 
 deck, which he paced for an hour without speaking a word ; but, 
 doubtless, like the celebrated old parrot of the Irishman, he made 
 up for what he did not say, by keeping up a devil of a think 
 ing, the effects of which Peter had good reason to apprehend. 
 
 " After a while, he went forward and spoke to the steward ; 
 Tom, we have on board ship a strange sort of a saint. Yes, 
 sir, said Tom, who had his own thoughts upon the subject. * Do 
 you know he wears a broadcloth coat ? * No, sir. l Well, he 
 does, and with buttons too. Yes, sir. * I want you to cut off 
 a piece of his coat-tail, and let us see what sort of cloth it is ; 
 and be sure you cut off one of his buttons with it. Yes, sir. 
 And Tom did as he was ordered, all unconsciously to Peter. 
 
 " Now I may not have told you," continued the Gentleman in 
 Black, " that so soon as anything is separated from Peter s per 
 son, it becomes visible. The steward took off the end of the 
 skirt with a button attached, and brought it to the captain as he 
 came on deck after dinner. The captain examined the texture 
 of the cloth, which was a fine blue, but his surprise was great 
 ly increased by the button, which, on being examined on the 
 inside, had stamped on it extra-fine, treble-gilt. By George ! 
 exclaimed the captain, who would have thought it? I supposed 
 the streets were paved with gold where he came from. Hollo ! 
 Kemble ! The mate came on deck. Tell me, Kemble, isn t 
 it said somewhere in the Bible that the paving stones of heaven 
 are all of gold? 
 
 " Not that I know of I don t remember any such text. * It 
 must be there, replied Captain Weathersfield, for I couldn t have 
 dreamed it; and certainly it runs in my head that they are so. 
 
 " I guess you have got it out of the hymn-book, said Kem 
 ble, for it was a favorite hymn of my childhood to sing about 
 Heaven and its golden streets. 
 
 " It may be so. Can you remember the verse ? 
 
 " I ll try, and then recited 
 
 " The hill of Zion yields a thousand sacred sweets, 
 
 Before we reach the heavenly fields, or walk the golden streets. 
 
NIGHT AT SEA. 147 
 
 " Yes, said the captain, * that is it. I thank you, Kemble, I 
 have nothing more to say, and on he went thinking. After 
 all, the priest must be right, for if they wear broadcloth in hea 
 ven, then there must be sheep, and weavers, and button-makers, 
 and tailors, and, finally, he was all adrift, as he afterwards ac 
 knowledged. By George ! he exclaimed, how strange ! Gilt 
 buttons in heaven, when I thought there was no guilt there of 
 any sort. 
 
 "Nor was this the only instance of confidence reposed in Pe 
 ter while on this voyage. One fine moonlight night he went on 
 deck about midnight, during the mate s watch. The cresting of 
 the waves, the glitter of the stars, and the calm face of the moon 
 * walking in brightness through little cloud-flakes, which were fly 
 ing across her disk, all conspired to make the scene one of 
 beauty, and to inspire sad and tender thoughts in Peter s mind. 
 He was alone, all alone in the world, and he felt deeply the force 
 of the saying of Marmontel, * How sad it is to behold a beautiful 
 scene, and to be unable to say to some one, oh ! how beautiful ! 
 
 " He had remarked, during the voyage, that the mate wore the 
 aspect of one of a higher grade of society than the captain ; that 
 he said little and thought much, and was without any appetite at 
 table, and seemed the victim of a profound melancholy. He was 
 standing leaning on the capstan, and had stood there for an hour 
 without a movement of any sort. * A fellow feeling makes us 
 wond rous kind, and the aspect of sorrow gave a strange interest 
 to Mr. Kemble, the mate, in the mind of Peter. He was always 
 courteous at the table, and had the manners of a gentleman. 
 Though Peter had determined never to let his voice be heard, yet, 
 as he had spoken to the captain, why should he not speak to the 
 mate ? He felt that it would be an act of kindness to do so ; 
 perhaps the mate wanted sympathy ; if so, who had a heart like 
 his, in which all the deep fountains were welling up, longing for 
 objects on which they could be exhausted? Prompted by such 
 sentiments, Peter came down from the taffrail, where he had been 
 sitting, and going towards the mate, he said to him, 
 
 " * Master mate, the beautiful stars which are shining on you, 
 should win your eyes to gaze at them. 
 
 " The mate, surprised, looked up, and seeing no one, exclaimed, 
 4 Who spoke ? There was no reply : after waiting a few se 
 conds, he asked, 
 
 " * Have I the honor of addressing the Apostle Peter ? taking 
 off his hat and bowing. Our Peter was silent ; he did not like to 
 avow that he was St. Peter, and feared to disavow the distinguished 
 honor which had been conferred upon him by common consent 
 of all on board. Finding no answer, Mr. Kemble said, 
 
148 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " I believe I heard the voice of some one. It must have come 
 from our spiritual guest, and whether you are a saint or satan, you 
 can resolve for me some questionings of my soul, respecting which 
 my mind is in a whirl of doubt, almost to frenzy. Will you be 
 pleased to do so ? 
 
 " Peter replied, with tones of earnest sympathy, * It may not 
 be in my power to reply to the inquiries you may make of me, 
 but if it is, I assure you that it will give me much pleasure to do 
 so. One thing I can promise you : if you are in sorrow of any 
 sort, you have my warmest sympathy. 
 
 " 4 1 am well aware, replied the mate, that it may not be in 
 your power to tell me of the conditions of a spiritual world. The 
 relations of a life separated from all the objects of sense may have 
 no fitting vehicles of thought, but you can tell me if the creature 
 of yesterday lives forever. This is the great enigma I wish solved. 
 Is there a future for man? 
 
 " * The highest of all evidence is consciousness? replied Peter. 
 Do you not possess this ? Do you not feel that you are destined 
 to live forever? 
 
 * Oh, do not ask me to resolve a question of this sort, 1 said 
 Mr. Kemble ; but tell me truly, am I a worm of the dust, an in 
 habitant of a world, a mere speck in this wide universe, an object 
 of God s care ; a being destined to immortality ? 
 
 ** You are, said Peter. To God there s nothing great, there s 
 nothing little. The sun shone as brightly to enlighten one man 
 as it now shines on millions. The providence of God is as truly 
 exerted over your destinies, and you are the object of as exclusive 
 care as you would have been had no other creature existed to ab 
 sorb the regard and love of the great Creator. Such is the cha 
 racter and conduct of God toward his creatures. 
 
 " Alas ! how impossible it is to realize this, replied the mate ; 
 * I see so many anomalies in the condition of the world ; so 
 much of misery in man and animals, that I am at times full of 
 dark surmises which lead me to skepticism and despair. 
 
 " My young friend, said Peter, 4 believe me tis perilous to 
 trust to the teachings of unassisted reason. There is but one 
 safe guide through these labyrinths of doubt. God has given you 
 a sure word of prophecy. God is light and in His light, you 
 shall see light. As to divine matters, my dear Mr. Kemble, 
 the senses are like the sun, which displays the face of the earth, 
 but shuts up that of the Heavens."* 
 
 " But, reverend sir, replied the mate, * how various are the 
 opinions entertained on these subjects, even among those best in- 
 
 * Lord Bacon, " De jHugmentis Scientiarum." 
 
COLLOQUY WITH THE MATE. 149 
 
 formed. And among such a conflict of religions, which am I to 
 adopt? 
 
 " Peter replied with emphasis, It is true, there are a vast va 
 riety of opinions, but there are but two religions in all the 
 world. 
 
 " * But two ! exclaimed Kemble; I thought there were hun 
 dreds. 
 
 " There are but two, replied Peter, in the same expressive 
 tones of voice, * the subjective, and the objective, to use philoso 
 phical terms, or in other and better words the religion of faith, 
 and the religion of forms. 
 
 " * But what do you call the religion of faith? asked the mate. 
 
 " The religion of faith is best expressed in the expiring cry of 
 an English martyr, " None but Christ ! none but Christ !"* The 
 religion of forms is known in all its varieties, by presenting as 
 the object of highest veneration rites or ceremonies, and in effect 
 saying " anything but Christ ! Everything but Christ !" Do 
 you comprehend me ? 
 
 " Yes, sir, replied the mate, I think I do. My mother taught 
 me so ; but how hard it is to believe that man, an inhabitant of 
 a world which is but as a speck in our universe which may be, 
 in itself, but as a grain of sand on the vast shores of creation, 
 can have been so distinguished as to have been redeemed by the 
 death of Christ, the Creator of the race for whom He died. This 
 thought overwhelms me in a sea of doubt. 
 
 " * How strange, replied Peter, that men make themselves so 
 utterly insignificant, that they may have a show of reason for 
 discrediting the word of God. Who can conceive the dignity 
 and value of a creature created in the image of God ? 
 
 " I do not presume to reply, replied the mate, but I would 
 like to know if I may ask the question where is God? 
 
 " The Apostle replied Of God it has been said " His centre 
 is everywhere, His circumference nowhere" Do you compre 
 hend this ? 
 
 " I have heard this definition before, replied the mate, and 
 thought it was felicitous and forcible. 
 
 " It is, answered Peter, and I want you to go a step beyond 
 this. Every creature, whether an ant or an angel, is the radiat 
 ing centre of God, for whom and to whom the entire universe 
 ministers, as fully and entirely, as though it had been created and 
 was sustained for the sake of that insect or angel alone. God 
 has thus identified himself with His creatures, for their happiness 
 and protection. They live because He lives. And every lash 
 inflicted upon an ill-fed, weary and overtasked animal, is an act 
 
 * This was the dying cry of John Lambert, burnt at Smithfield, 
 
150 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 of cruelty with which the Creator profoundly sympathizes and 
 will fearfully avenge. Would that this truth was brought home 
 to the business and bosoms of men ! : 
 
 Mrs. Smith here broke in upon the narrative of the Gentleman 
 in Black, by saying " I wish from my heart it was ! The wretch 
 ed horses who drag our omnibuses should petition the clergy to 
 give this subject the prominence it so well deserves, and holds 
 in the mind of Peter Schlemihl. How much better it would be to 
 make men feel the force of the claims of animals, than to build 
 up opinions which have no bearing on their conduct." 
 
 " Pardon me, madam," replied the Gentleman in Black, " it is 
 a philosophical as well as a scriptural truth, that men entertain no 
 opinion which does not make them what they are : as a man 
 thinketh so is he! " 
 
 " Forgive my interruption," said Mrs. Smith; "please go on. 
 What did the mate say to Peter ?" 
 
 " He asked, Does not this lead to Pantheism? 1 
 
 " No, replied Peter, far from it ! It is " the glorious gospel 
 of the Blessed God;" which teaches us that Christ Jesus "is all 
 and in all" that " all things were created by him and for him, 
 and in him all things subsist" and do you call this pantheism? 
 continued Peter. 
 
 " * Alas ! replied the mate, 1 am utterly bewildered and lost. 
 I cannot comprehend it. 
 
 " 4 No, my dear friend, continued Peter, like most men, you 
 raise the telescope to the heavens to gain some feeble conception 
 of God s majesty and might, and then reverse the telescope to 
 make man more insignificant than he really is. His soul was 
 designed for the Temple of God, and it is his high destiny to 
 dwell with God ; to be changed from glory to glory, in endless 
 progression, ever approaching and never reaching the attainment 
 of those perfections, in which he will delight, and to which he 
 is ever more and more to assimilate. The finite can never com 
 prehend the infinite, and with enlarged powers of apprehension, 
 new discoveries will be made of the wisdom of his Creator, and 
 of the heights and depths of the mystery of mysteries, the re 
 demption and sanctification of his own soul. This greatest and 
 grandest of all the manifestations of the mercy of God, which 
 angels desire to look into, will be in heaven a greater mystery 
 than it is on earth, for there it will be more fully developed and 
 more perfectly realized. To be an angel is indeed a glorious 
 destiny, but to be a man, redeemed, regenerated, and disenthralled 
 by the blood of Christ, and the Spirit of God, will never cease to 
 inspire the supremest wonder, and to excite in the soul the highest 
 and noblest expressions of gratitude and adoration. 
 
STORY OF THE MATE S FIRST LOVE. 151 
 
 " Yes, replied the mate, * such were the teachings of my 
 pious mother : and my soul has sometimes found safe anchorage 
 in a sea of doubt, when such views of the destiny of man have 
 been, to some extent, realized. Alas ! with my loss of confi 
 dence in woman, I have lost my hope in God. 
 
 " You are young, my dear Mr. Kemble, said Peter, to talk 
 so wildly. Will you not tell me the cause of such deep despair ? 
 You have but begun to live, and all is bright to one not yet twen 
 ty-two years of age. , 
 
 " Reverend sir, replied the mate, * may I ask, do you still re 
 tain your sympathies in the affairs of men ? 
 
 " Most deeply and truly, replied our Peter. 
 
 " Then you will bear with me, if I tell you of trials which 
 may to you appear trivial, and which, I trust, you may have never 
 known, for the woman you once possessed as a wife is now an 
 angel in light. 
 
 " Peter replied with earnestness She was, indeed, an angel 
 of goodness, gentleness, and loveliness ; long since taken from 
 earth to the open vision of her God and Saviour, there to burn 
 arid brighten with the souls of the redeemed in light forever and 
 ever. 
 
 " Mr. Kemble, sighing deeply, continued Oh ! how great a 
 mercy to know that heaven contains the loved ones of earth 
 that they are "not lost, but gone before," awaiting our coming, and 
 perhaps, aiding us in our weary journey of life. I will tell you 
 my story. My tale is no novelty in the experience of men ; I 
 have the fortune to be a fool, and what is rare, I know it, and 
 with the abiding conviction that the angel form I once loved and 
 still love, covers a heart of stone, and, contrary to every motive 
 and dictate of my understanding, I love her to frenzy. Is not 
 this being possessed of the devil? 
 
 " The Apostle replied, It is, in truth, very like it. 
 
 " The mate went on She was a young girl, when we first 
 met, but oh, how graceful and attractive were all her looks ! 
 
 " * A number of my young friends formed a Thespian Club, of 
 which I was the master spirit. To me was assigned to play the 
 parts of Richard, and Hamlet, and Shylock, and we were much 
 courted and caressed by the girls, for they all wanted to be pre 
 sent at our performances, which were private, and our tickets ne 
 cessarily limited. Among the number who came was this young 
 girl, invited by my dearest friend, by whom I was introduced to 
 her, and my admiration was instantaneous and all absorbing she 
 realized all the creations of my fancy and I lived only to think 
 and dream of her. To my inconceivable pain, I saw that my 
 friend was preferred before me. I asked him " if he loved her." 
 
152 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 He replied with an air of surprise, " No, truly, she is a mere child ; 
 she has no soul." I said to him, " I do ;" he remonstrated with 
 me, telling me my affections would certainly be misplaced. I 
 begged him to keep out of my way, which he did effectually, 
 for he soon after removed with his mother and family to the 
 southern states. When he left, I found it an easy task to take 
 his place. She needed admiration, and she had it to an immea 
 surable extent from me ; and after some months of devoted atten 
 tion on my part, I received from her the fullest assurances of her 
 affection ; and secure of these, I was rich indeed. It then be 
 came necessary for me to adopt a profession which should give 
 me the means of providing for her, and assuming the relations of 
 married life. My friends offered me employment with fair pros 
 pects of promotion, and I went out to Calcutta, to acquire the 
 necessary practical knowledge of a sailor. At our parting, I pain 
 fully felt her love for me was far less than mine for her, but I was 
 made happy by the fondness she manifested towards me on my 
 return, and which I now have reason to believe was inspired by 
 some articles of taste and personal decoration, which I brought 
 her as a present. She wore them gracefully, and I was happy, 
 thinking all the while it was because they were my gifts. After 
 remaining at home about three months, I sailed as mate on board 
 the same ship bound for Canton. Our parting was passionate 
 on my part, and full of fondness on hers. " On your return," she 
 said, " we will be married." There are no sweeter words a woman 
 can whisper to a parting sailor ! I wish they had been the last 
 she uttered, but calling me back, as she said, " to give me one more 
 kiss," she whispered in my ear, "don t forget my crimson Canton 
 crape shawl !" Well, I strove to forget this, and only to remem 
 ber what gratified my wishes and sustained my hopes : and I 
 succeeded, for ive can believe what we anxiously desire. 
 
 " I was gone, continued Mr. Kemble, * a little more than a 
 year. During this time, my syren made a visit to a neighboring 
 town, where was a post of our army. Among the well-dressed 
 young officers was one, who was attracted by the beauty of my 
 affianced wife, and on my return home, the aspect of my mother 
 warned me of some dreadful tidings. I asked, " Is she dead ?" 
 "No, my child, worse than that; she is married !" 
 
 " All these events are very common quite every day occur 
 rences, and I tried to be very calm and contented ; but, sir, there 
 is no rest for me. I have every motive to live. I have an aged 
 mother to support, my fortunes are bright, but the iron has en 
 tered my soul, and I long for death more devoutly than most men 
 desire life. I dread to die a maniac, and would be glad to be re 
 lieved the weary task of contending with my tendencies to a vio- 
 
THE CAPTAIN S COGITATIONS. 153 
 
 lent death. The Apostle urged his young friend to better hopes, 
 and a higher destiny. He exclaimed, Yes, I do hope for peace 
 and purity in heaven. The prayers of my mother still follow 
 me ; and there are gleams of hope, when I think I am but being 
 trained up for a future existence ; but, sir, tis hard to see all the 
 beautiful creations of hope darkened down to naked waste and 
 flat despair. The Apostle could not reply, for the watch com 
 ing up, notified the male, it was time for them to call the captain s 
 watch and to turn in, and so shaking the mate affectionately by 
 the hand, they separated. 
 
 " For some days the meals were taken in silence ; the captain had 
 his own thoughts, and the priest and mate were absorbed by their 
 own reflections. Peter was permitted to eat his food undisturbed. 
 After dinner, as Peter was standing near the priest, on the quar 
 ter deck, the captain broke the silence which he had observed for 
 so long a time, by asking the priest, 
 
 " * Do you believe there are manufacturers of broadcloth in the 
 other world ? 
 
 " The priest surprised said, He did not believe there was. 
 
 " Well, sir, said the captain, I am sure of it. 
 
 " How is it, captain, you have changed your opinions so en 
 tirely ? My belief only extends to the perpetuity of our pas 
 sions, and the development of the prevailing loves. 
 
 " You are in the dark, then I can prove to you that there are 
 sheep, of course grass on which they feed ; hills and dales in 
 which the grass grows ; an atmosphere to feed the grass with 
 showers ; a sun to warm it into life ; mines to furnish the shears 
 to cut the wool; cards to card it, and spinning jennies and looms 
 to weave it into cloth ; tailors to cut it, and to make it up ; and 
 in fact, all the conditions of society as it exists in this world. 
 
 " Upon my soul, captain, you surprise me, replied the priest; 
 * and have you been all these days in a brown study to come to 
 these results? 
 
 " You have hit it exactly ! and here is the proof of all I have 
 said, producing the piece of Peter s coat, with the button on it, 
 which Peter for the first time discovered had been shortened by 
 some four inches. 
 
 " Here, said the captain, is the Apostle s coat-tail, cut off 
 by the steward, handing the piece of cloth to the astonished 
 priest. Look, said the captain, see, gold is not so plenty as I 
 had supposed it was extra-fine treble gilt. 1 " 
 
 " The priest was speechless, as he saw these mystical charac 
 ters on the reverse side of the brass button. The captain then, 
 like another Cuvier, commenced showing from the single button 
 and piece of cloth, how wide was the range of correspondences 
 
154 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 between the invisible world and the present, to produce that sin 
 gle pattern and the button ; but I will leave you, my dear madam, 
 to follow out his course of cogitation in your own way. The 
 priest was graveled. He did not know what to answer, content 
 ing himself with saying, that there were doubtless many things 
 in heaven, as well as in earth, not yet developed even in the re 
 velations of Swedenborg. 
 
 " You are aware that Peter, as Chamisso states, wore over his 
 famous seven-league boots, a cover of felt which made his steps 
 noiseless, and which took from them the spring which carried 
 him so great a distance at every step. He, therefore, was un 
 heard in his movements, and overheard this conversation which 
 was carried on in a low and confidential whisper. 
 
 " The priest had been for some days busily occupied with an 
 examination of his trunks of books, and Peter feared he was des 
 tined to an attack in a new quarter ; and so it was, for after supper 
 on the same day of this communication by the captain, he ad 
 dressed the Apostle in the blandest tones, and spoke of the great 
 controversy which had so divided the Christian world, in relation 
 to Peter s own self; and thinking Peter might have been too fully 
 occupied at the gate of Paradise with his keys, and perhaps from 
 a harmless vanity, he told him, what tis certain he never knew 
 before, of the various views entertained on the question, whether 
 after all, he, Peter, had ever been at Rome ; for, said he, your 
 office as an Apostle, seems to render it impossible for you to have 
 been the first Bishop of Rome, and to have resided there, as is 
 contended, as its first bishop for a quarter of a century, because, to 
 have become so, you would have ceased to have been an Apostle, 
 which necessarily required you to go from country to country. 
 We read, too, of you at Jerusalem, and at Antioch, at which 
 place some of the fathers say, you resided seven years, and at 
 Babylon and Corinth, but we never hear of you at Rome, and 
 Paul, though he wrote so many of his Epistles from Rome, and 
 one to Rome, never speaks of you in his numerous salutations. 
 So that I have doubted if you ever were at Rome. But the im 
 portant question I have to submit to you, is as to your primacy 
 in the Apostleship. Now, I deem this to rest solely on that 
 vivacity of temper, which, Eusebius says, " made you the pro 
 locutor of the other Apostles," or it may have been because, in 
 Luke vi. 14, you are first in the list of the disciples of whom 
 tis said, "he chose twelve and called them Apostles, Simon whom 
 he called Peter, &c.," and this is noticed by St. Cyprian ; but others 
 again have supposed it was because you were a married man, and 
 consequently had made greater sacrifices than others. 
 
 " The captain, who was listening very attentively, here inter- 
 
PRIMACY OF ST. PETER. 155 
 
 rupted the priest, and said, If he was the only married man 
 amongst them, that was a sufficient reason. It seems to me, 
 continued he, turning to the Apostle, * that in writing your epis 
 tles, you have said nothing about the duty of ship owners to 
 masters of vessels ? 
 
 " The priest looked his surprise, and our Apostle taking the 
 Bible, opened to the text, which he marked with his pencil No 
 scripture is of any private interpretation 
 
 " That s all very well, so far as it goes, replied the captain ; 
 1 but that s not explicit, and to the point. Now I ll show you 
 my wife wanted to go to sea with me, for though we ve been 
 married ten years, I ve not slept in my own bed, but just forty- 
 four weeks and five nights of all that time ; she didn t like it, no 
 more did I ; so I told my owners I desired to take my wife along 
 with me for the voyage ; but though they are deacons in the 
 church, godly men as need be, they refused their consent, and 
 said, " they would not let me make a baby-house of their ship ;" 
 well, I was hard put to it, and so I quoted the Bible at them, and 
 told em it was written, "Those whom God hath joined together, 
 let no man put asunder." And what do you think they said to 
 this ? Why, they laughed in my face, and said, " they didn t 
 come to me to interpret the Bible for them, but to sail their ship." 
 Now, how easy it would have been for you to have put in a lit 
 tle verse like this into your general epistle ** As concerning ship 
 owners, I ordain that they make all due provision to such of their 
 captain s wives as will go with them on their voyages over the 
 great deep." Then the thing would have been settled: but we poor 
 sailors, said the captain, with great emphasis, and a thump on 
 the table, were never so much as thought of in those days 1 
 at the same time looking drawn daggers at the Apostle s chair. 
 
 " Peter with difficulty restrained his inclination to laugh, and the 
 priest, finding the captain had got through, went on to say, 
 
 ". Jerome supposes it was because you were first in age, and 
 he replies to the question, " Why was not St. John elected, being 
 a bachelor ? because Peter was elder; that a youth, almost a boy,* 
 might not be preferred before men of good age," though Epipha- 
 nius affirms that Andrew was your elder. There is another 
 reason which, to my mind, is yet stronger, and that is, that your 
 name in all the lists of the Apostles stands first. It is upon such 
 grounds, and others worth as much and no more than these, that 
 Romanists claim for you the primacy over the apostles and the 
 church universal. And I have thought it strange, if it had been 
 so, that any such contest should have arisen among you as is 
 
 * St. John is so represented in the window of Trinity Church, New York. 
 
156 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 recorded in Luke xxii. verse 14, as to who should he greatest: 
 and, that James and John, too, should have made the request they 
 did, to sit next the Saviour, an honor to which ST. CHRYSOSTOM 
 says " it was a clear case that St. Paul should obtain the prefer 
 ence." I beg you to understand me as expressing no opinion in 
 this matter, but merely as quoting so distinguished a father, and as 
 bearing on the question of your supremacy. And it has also been 
 deemed doubtful, in my mind, whether any such distinction was 
 ever conferred, from the conduct of our Lord in placing a little 
 child in the seat of honor, and saying, "Whosoever shall humble 
 himself as a little child, shall be the greatest in the kingdom of 
 heaven," a phrase which, doubtless, had reference to his reign 
 on earth, and not his kingdom in heaven. Indeed, that distin 
 guished scholar, George Campbell, translates this phrase "The 
 reign of God." But I am confirmed in my impressions in this 
 matter, by the censure of our Lord to those who sought the title of 
 Rabbi, in Matthew xxiii. 8; and upon this text St. Chrysostom 
 remarks, " We were designed to teach the word, and not to exer 
 cise empire: we do but rank as advisers, exhorting to duty." 
 
 " In connection, venerable father, said the priest, * with this 
 question of your primacy, is another monstrous assumption over 
 the consciences of men, and which has caused great misery and 
 bloodshed since the days of your apostleship, and still is held by 
 those churches who rely on an unbroken line of apostolical suc 
 cession, and which they claim to be the essential to all public 
 acts of Christian worship. This claim is not peculiar to the 
 Romish church. The Anglican church, on both sides of the At 
 lantic, prefer the same claims, under the sanction of your great 
 name. Dr. Seabury, in the Churchman, has said, " A ministry of 
 the apostolical succession, empowered to act as Christ s ambas 
 sadors, and representing him on earth ; the divinely appointed 
 limitation of the blessings of salvation and the gifts of the Holy 
 Spirit to communion with this ministry, in the sacraments, 
 laws, and ordinances of the church ; regenerated in baptism, 
 the supreme authority of the Scripture, as explained and inter 
 preted by the church; these are our principles, which are plainly 
 written in our prayer book, and on them we stand." And, sir, 
 this is no new position. Bishop Sherlock, in his Vindication of 
 Dr. Stillingfleet, (p. 389,) says, " Whoever separates himself from 
 the Church of England, cuts himself off from the Catholic church, 
 and puts himself out of a state of salvation. Separation from the 
 church is a schism, and a schism is as damning a sin as idolatry, 
 drunkenness, or adultery ;" and so Bishop Taylor, speaking of 
 the necessity of apostolical succession of bishops to make ordina 
 tions valid, says " Without this, no priest, no ordination, no 
 
APOSTOLICAL SUCCESSION. 157 
 
 consecration of the sacrament, no absolution, no rite or sacrament 
 legitimately can be performed." And also, Dodwell, in his work, 
 "One Altar and one Priesthood," says, "None but the bishop 
 can unite us to the Father and the Son. Whence it will further 
 follow, that whosoever are disunited from the visible communion 
 of the church on earth, and particularly from that visible com 
 munion of the bishop, must consequently be disunited from the 
 whole Catholic Church on earth, and not only so, but from the 
 invisible communion of the holy angels and saints in heaven ; 
 and which is yet more, from Christ and God himself. It is one 
 of the most dreadful aggravations of the condition of the 
 damned, that they are banished from the presence of the Lord 
 and the glory of his power. The same is their condition also 
 who are disunited from Christ, by being disunited from his visible 
 representative." Such, venerable sir, are the claims of your suc 
 cessors in the nineteenth century. Such the unblushing audacity 
 of men who would render salvation impossible to all who have 
 not come under their domination who thank God that baptism 
 is regeneration, by which an infant" becomes a member of Christ, 
 a child of God, and an inheritor of the kingdom of heaven."* You 
 are aware, sir, as a follower of Swedenborg, I deny this doctrine 
 of baptismal regeneration, and repudiate the great dogma of the 
 Reformation, of "justification by faith;" still, sir, it is a matter 
 of moment, in presenting this great subject for your solemn and 
 final decision, to state the present condition of this great contro 
 versy, and to show you how nearly a Protestant Episcopal 
 Church may become re-united to its Papistical parent. Doctor 
 Hook, of Leeds, says of the prelates of the English Church, that 
 they are " validly ordained by those who, by means of an un 
 broken spiritual descent of ordination, derived their mission from 
 the apostles and from our Lord." * * * "Our ordinations," he 
 continues, " descend in a direct unbroken line from Peter and 
 Paul." Now, sir, I beg leave to say, in the presence of Captain 
 Weathersfield and Mr. Kemble, that by your personal testi 
 mony only, now to be given or withheld, can such succession be 
 made out? On this subject I wish to say a very few words 
 more. The early chronicles of the church on this subject are 
 full of confusion. Dean Prideaux, a learned episcopal writer, 
 speaking of this claim of apostolical succession, says of it, " No 
 certainty is to be had." Howell, another writer of the same 
 church, after a laborious examination, calls it " the stupidity and 
 fables of Romanists," and Platina, the Roman Catholic biographer 
 
 * Bishop Brownell s charge, " Errors of the Times," delivered June 13, 1843, 
 says on this subject, "The change of state, effected in baptism, is called in 
 Scripture, and in the language of the baptismal office, regeneration" 
 
158 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 of the popes, as cited by Prideaux, says, " that they who were 
 appointed prothonotaries, to register the passages in the church, 
 were, in his time, become so illiterate, that some of them could 
 scarce write their own names," and complains of " the neglect of 
 registering, and the confusion of the lives of the popes." Nor is 
 this all, sir ; your successors were often elected " by intrigue, con 
 tention, violence, bribery and bloodshed." 
 
 " By George, exclaimed the captain, whose looks were full 
 of the subject, glancing at Peter, he goes it, like a thousand of 
 brick. 
 
 " The priest s smile showed how much this encouraged him in 
 his assault. 
 
 " I have made no assertions not sustained by the highest au 
 thority of the church. Listen, said the priest, turning to the 
 captain as he spoke, listen to the testimony of Cardinal Baro- 
 nius: taking up an old volume, he read from his Annals : Anno. 
 912, tome x. p. 679.* "O what was then the face of the holy 
 Roman Church ! How filthy, when the vilest and most power 
 ful harlots ruled in the court of Rome ! by whose powerful sway 
 dioceses were made and unmade, bishops consecrated, and, which 
 is inexpressibly horrible to relate, false popes, their paramours, 
 were thrust into the chair of Peter, who, in being numbered as 
 popes, serve no other purpose, except to fill up the catalogue of 
 the popes of Rome. For who can say that persons thrust into 
 the popedom, without any law, by harlots of this sort, were legiti 
 mate popes of Rome ? In these elections, no mention is made 
 of the acts of the clergy, either by their choosing the pope at the 
 time of his election, or afterwards. All the canons were sup 
 pressed into silence, the voice of the decrees of former pontiffs 
 were not allowed to be heard, ancient traditions were proscribed, 
 the customs formerly practised in electing the pope, with the 
 sacred rites and pristine usages, were all extinguished. In this 
 manner lust, supported by secular power, excited to frenzy by 
 the rage for domination, ruled all things." And Mosheimt spe 
 cifies what is here pointed out. " Theodora," he says, " a famous 
 courtezan, by the interest and faction which she then had in 
 Rome, got her professed lover chosen pope, who was called John 
 X." And he adds, " In short, such a series of wild disorders gave 
 occasion to historians to say, that those times produced not popes 
 but monsters!" It was no uncommon thing for one pope to ex 
 communicate another to curse and annul all his acts, including 
 the administration of the sacraments. 
 
 " Stay one moment ! interrupted the captain. Did this turn 
 over to the devil all who had been pardoned and sent to Paradise 
 
 * The original is cited in Dorking s Papacy. f Vol. ii. p. 120. 
 
THE POPES OF ROME. 159 
 
 by the bishops and all the priests, ordained by the pope so de 
 throned ? 
 
 " If there were any truth in all this, it would be so, replied 
 the priest, addressing the captain ; but who can for a moment 
 believe it ? 
 
 " And yet there are millions who profess to do so, said Mr. 
 Kemble. 
 
 " With the captain s leave, said the priest, bowing to that 
 officer, I will recite an example of the manner in which Pope 
 Alexander VI., the father of Caesar Borgia, was elected. After 
 the funeral obsequies of Pope Innocent VIII., the cardinals shut 
 themselves up in conclave to choose a successor. In order to 
 secure the votes of a majority of the cardinals, he entered into a 
 solemn bargain ; that Cardinal Orsino should have a palace and 
 two castles ; that Ascanius Sforza should be made vice-chancellor 
 of the church ; that Colonna should have the Abbey of St. Bene 
 dict, with all the castles and right of patronage to him and his 
 family forever ; that St. Angelo should have the bishopric of 
 Porto, with the town, and particularly a certain cellar full of 
 wine ; and so it was by simony Roderic Borgia was elected pope.* 
 Nor was this all. The very day of his coronation he created his 
 son Ca3sar, a ferocious and dissolute youth, Archbishop of Va 
 lencia and Bishop of Pampeluna. He next proceeded to celebrate 
 in the Vatican the nuptials of his daughter Lucrezia by festivities, 
 at which his mistress Julia Bella was present, and which were 
 enlivened by farces and indecent songs. " Most of the ecclesi 
 astics," says Infessura, the historian, " had their mistresses, and 
 all the convents of the capitol were houses of ill fame." The 
 dissolute entertainments given by the pope and his son Cassar 
 Borgia, and his daughter Lucrezia, are such, says D Aubigne, 
 as can neither be described nor thought of. 
 
 " This monster was not so infallible as to avoid the pit he had 
 digged in order to rid himself of a wealthy cardinal, for whom he 
 had prepared poison in a small box of sweetmeats, which was 
 placed on the table after a sumptuous feast; the cardinal receiving 
 a hint of the design, gained over the attendant, and the poisoned 
 box was placed before Alexander. He ate of it, and perished! 
 
 " * A pretty scoundrel for a pope, exclaimed Captain Weathers- 
 field. 
 
 " Nor, venerable sir, was this all, addressing Peter s 
 chair, Panvinius, in his Chronicles of the Pontificate, admits 
 of twenty schisms in the seamless robe of the church as con 
 nected with the popedom, during which each party denounced 
 and excommunicated the other, dividing the clergy and people 
 
 * Gordon s Life of Alexander VI., quoted in N. Englander, p. 284. 
 
160 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 into fierce and ferocious factions, one of which lasted for eighty 
 years. The most summary processes were adopted to get rid of 
 competitors; Gregory VII. poisoned six popes, and then without 
 election assumed the popedom. The scenes of strife, of strata 
 gem, of wickedness, of bribery, of poisoning and of blood-shed 
 ding, which have transpired in these struggles, venerable sir, for 
 the right of sitting in a chair, never filled, as I am confidently 
 assured you will tell us, by yourself. But to proceed one step 
 further in this history of crime. 
 
 " The enormities of those days far transcend all that history 
 records of the treachery and crime by which men have secured 
 the throne of empire : so that Baronius was compelled to write 
 that " in those days the church was for the most part without 
 a pope." Are you not, most reverend apostle, called upon and 
 compelled by every consideration of humanity and of truth, to dis 
 avow all such successors, and to sweep away the basis of all 
 their claims by a disclaimer of any primacy of the apostles, and 
 of all those monstrous doctrines, based upon an apostolical suc 
 cession in the church ? 
 
 " The priest looked earnestly at the chair of St. Peter for a 
 response. Our Peter was overwhelmed with the vastness of the 
 crimes laid to his charge, and the claims on the consciences of 
 men, for which he was held responsible. The captain was 
 equally earnest in his gaze, and even Mr. Kemble was evidently 
 anxious for his open and frank abjuration of any and all sym 
 pathy with such impostors and tyrants. 
 
 " While Peter was deliberating what course to adopt, the priest, 
 thinking he had not made out his case sufficiently strong, went on 
 with his appeal. If I could believe, sir, which, as a Sweden- 
 borgian I do not, in the doctrine of total depravity, and wished to 
 find the most striking and horrid illustrations of that doctrine, I 
 would read the lives of the popes, written by Catholic histo 
 rians, as presenting a list of criminals unequaled in any peniten 
 tiary now existing in any Protestant country. Let me cite, sir, 
 a few examples. Virgilius waded to the pontifical chair through 
 the blood of his predecessor. Pope Joan, they tell us, was elected 
 and confirmed as John VIII., and proved to be a female ! 
 
 " Oh ! interrupted the captain, Pope Joan bless me, I 
 thought she was one of my old grandmother s goblins, and was 
 as true a story as that of the Salem witches. 
 
 " What I have said, captain, rests on the testimony of their own 
 writers. Platina says, "that she became with child by some of 
 those about her, that she miscarried and died in her way to the 
 Lateran Church, and that her pontificate lasted one year, one 
 
POPE JOAN. 161 
 
 month, and five days,"* and Martin Luther, when he visited 
 Rome, was astonished to find in his days, the spot marked by 
 her statue in canonicals with an infant in her arms, and was told 
 it was in commemoration of this event ;t and Dean Prideaux says : 
 " There are fifty authorities of the Church of Rome in favor of 
 it;" and certainly, if tradition is to be relied on for the imme 
 diate succession of St. Peter s chair, there is abundant reason to 
 rely on so great a mass of testimony for Pope Joan. But, sup 
 pose we give up Pope Joan, then who is to supply the place in 
 their own lists of popes ? Who was Pope John VIII. if Pope 
 Joan was not ? No, captain, as the Rev. Mr. Powell! has said 
 in his review of Dr. Hook s sermon preached before the Queen 
 of England, on 17th of June, 1838, entitled " Hear the Church :" 
 " If half the history of popery has any truth in it, there was really 
 a female strumpet, as a link in this chain, as a progenetrix of the 
 popish priests and Oxford tract men of the present times." 
 
 " * And after all, continued the priest, with emphasis, Pope 
 Joan is not to be compared with her predecessors ; what did she 
 do but follow the promptings of conjugal love? addressing him 
 self to Captain Weathersfield. 
 
 " That s true. We must not be hard on the poor lady, 
 said Captain Weathersfield; I cheerfully restore Pope Joan to 
 her seat, and let the devil take the rest ; then, as if recollecting 
 himself, he bowed to St. Peter, and added the present com 
 pany always excepted. 
 
 " Peter kept silence, and bore it all with the patience of a 
 martyr 
 
 " The priest continued * Now, venerable sir, under false con 
 ceptions of the language of our Lord, as I have already said, the 
 most astounding assumptions have been made, as you must per 
 ceive, not only of your own pre-eminence, but of that of those 
 who claim to be your successors. " Our most holy Lord" is 
 the ordinary style attributed to the pope as your successor by the 
 Council of Trent ; and it is said in the Canon Law "Let a 
 pope be so bad as by his negligence and mal-administration to 
 carry with him innumerable people to hell, yet no mortal man 
 whatever must presume to reprove his faults ; because, he being 
 to judge all men, is himself to be judged of no man."|| From 
 what I have said, you will see, most venerable Apostle, the im 
 portance of the question which I have now to submit to you, the 
 
 * Platina de Vita Pontif. Rom., p. 133 ; New Englander, p. 285. 
 "j" See D Aubigne s Reformation. 
 
 J See " Essay on Apostolical Succession," &c. by Thomas Powell. New 
 York published in 1842. 
 
 Council Trid., session xx. chap. 11, &c. || Grat. Dis., xl. chap. 6. 
 
 11 
 
162 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 answer to which I pray you to grant me as the most distin 
 guished honor I ever hope to receive ; the promulgation of which 
 will render me illustrious in all the coming ages of the world. 
 The immensity of the benefit you have it in your power to ren 
 der mankind, is evidenced by the vastness of the wrongs inflicted 
 for so many ages, by those who claim to be your successor as 
 supreme head of the church, successors all unworthy of the name 
 they have worn, made conspicuous by vices so infamous that 
 Pope Marcellus II. has expressed the doubt whether a pope could 
 be saved;* and, sir, from the days of John VIII. to Leo IX. your 
 successors have been " either rake-hells or sots, intolerable for 
 their insolence and arrogance, and ravenous as wolves."! 
 
 " Marcellinus sacrificed to idols ! He denied the fact until he 
 was convicted on indubitable evidence.^ The Council of Con 
 stantinople condemned Pope Honorius for heresy. The Coun 
 cil of Basil condemned Pope Eugenius as a " notorious offender 
 of the whole universal church; asimonist; a perjurer; a man 
 incorrigible; a schismatic; a man fallen from the faith; a wilful 
 heretic. "|| Pope Damascus II. poisoned his predecessor Clement 
 II., and then invaded the chair by force. ^f Pope John II. was 
 publicly charged in a Synod of Rome with incest.** John XIII. 
 
 * Thuanus, lib. xv. p. 566. 
 
 f Machiavel s Hist., lib. xvi. p. 1271. Baronius, Ann. 912, sect. 8. This 
 recital, as quoted above, is the language of Bishop Barrow, Sup. of Pope, 213. 
 
 J Notitia Eccle., p 86, 87. 
 
 Bishop Jewel s Defence of the Apology. || Idem. 
 
 IT Platina s Life of Clement II. Life of Popes, p. 170. 
 
 ** Bowyer s Life of Popes, vol. v. p. 107. See Lives of Alexander VI., 
 John XII, Paul III., for like examples. 
 
 An American gentleman writing from Rome, (see New York Courier and 
 Enquirer of llth July, 1846,) speaking of Gregory XIV., who died on the 1st 
 of June, 1846, says, "As a man. if not greatly calumniated, he was passionate, 
 not much restrained by his vows of chastity, and habitually addicted to the 
 intemperate use of intoxicating drinks. He left money and personal property 
 valued at two millions of dollars to his nephews and nieces!" Pope s nephews 
 and nieces are well known as the children of the Popes, and as such, figure 
 largely in the history of papacy. 
 
 The Infallible Heads of the Infallible Church. John XXII. was a heretic, and 
 denied the immortality of the soul. John XXIII., Gregory XII., and Benedict 
 XIII., were all Popes and infallible heads of the church at the same time; 
 and the Council of Constance cashiered the whole of them as illegitimate. 
 The Council of Basil convicted Pope Eugenius of schism and heresy. Pope 
 Marcellinus actually sacrificed to idols. Pope Liberius was an Arian, and 
 subscribed to that creed. Anastasius was excommunicated as a heretic by 
 his own clergy. Silvester II. sacrificed to the devil. Formosus was pro 
 moted to the chair through perjury. Sergius III. caused his predecessor s 
 body to be dug out of the grave, its head cut off, and then flung into the Tiber. 
 Boniface deposed, imprisoned, and then plucked out the eyes of his prede 
 cessor. And Pope Joan was a profligate female. In a word, many of the 
 
VICES OF POPES. 163 
 
 usurped the pontificate and spent his time in hunting, in lascivious- 
 ness and monstrous forms of vice he fled from the trial to which 
 he was summoned, and was stabbed in the act of adultery;* and 
 to speak of Alexander VI. is a task under which all language 
 halts and fails; " his beastly morals, his immense ambition, his 
 insatiable avarice, his detestable cruelty, his furious lusts, and 
 monstrous incests with his daughter Lucretia, are described in 
 deed at large by Guicciardini and others, authentic papal his 
 torians." 
 
 " * Under the sanction of your great name and authority, dis 
 pensations and indulgences of all sorts have been granted tri 
 butes imposed inquisitions established commutations for every 
 crime have been made and painful pilgrimages enforced and prac 
 tised at the sacrifice of family and fortune. Indeed, history fur 
 nishes no greater catalogue of crimes and miseries than those 
 which are laid down at your door, and tis to you, the Apostle 
 Peter himself, my honored guest, that I make this solemn appeal 
 on behalf of the millions now alive still subject to the sway of 
 these dreadful delusions, the slaves of this hateful Hierarchy ! 
 and in behalf of the coming millions of souls whose happiness 
 in this life, and whose destiny in the life to come are to be deter 
 mined by their obedience to such superstitions, all resting, sir, on 
 your primacy and supremacy in the church. I rest the question 
 there If these claims be set aside, the whole structure of papal 
 power falls in one vast ruin, never to be rebuilt. In view, then, 
 of all the tremendous responsibilities resting upon you, let the 
 truth be spoken ; say ! What are we to believe ? 
 
 44 The tones of the priest were earnest, his look eloquent, and 
 he sat looking toward where our Peter sat, with an eager gaze, 
 in which the captain and mate deeply sympathized. 
 
 " Peter sat mute, astounded by the difficulties in which he was 
 involved, in being called upon to decide questions about which he 
 was profoundly ignorant. He was indeed at his wit s end, or as 
 a distinguished Senator of Babylonia when similarly situated in 
 
 Popes have been atheists, rebels, murderers, conjurors, adulterers, and sodom 
 ites. Papal Rome has far exceeded in crime her Pagan predecessor. It is 
 not, therefore, to be wondered at that the Popes, though always assuming a 
 new name, yet never take the name of Peter. It is a curious fact that they 
 always shun it. Those who have received that name at the font have always 
 changed it when they reached the chair. Petrus de Tarantasia changed his 
 name to Innocent IV. Petrus Caraf became Paul V. Sergius III. s Christian 
 name was also Peter. This practice looks like conscious guilt. They fear 
 the name of Peter would but too plainly show their apostacy from the Apos 
 tle Peter s virtues; and men would be apt to exclaim, "how unlike is Peter 
 the Pope to Peter the Apostle." Stephen s " Spirit of the Church of Rome." 
 * Platina s Life of John VIII. Lives of Popes, p. 155. 
 
164 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 the senate chamber once said, when called upon to give a cast 
 ing vote, We are in a bad box/ but with a sagacity and sober 
 second thought, not unworthy of that eminent statesman, Peter 
 opened the Testament, and having searched for the passage, 
 marked the text Brethren, stand fast and hold the traditions 
 which ye have been taught, whether by word or our epistle. 
 
 " The priest looked his unsurpassed astonishment. The cap 
 tain s curiosity could not be controlled, and he reached his hand 
 for the Bible, the priest still gazing at the text with speechless 
 amazement, all unconscious of the captain s wish. 
 
 " For God s sake, let me have a look ! exclaimed the cap 
 tain. The priest gave him the book, and with a countenance ex 
 pressive of emotions of contempt and abhorrence, rose and walked 
 into his state room. By George ! exclaimed the captain, after 
 reading the text over and over, if this is not as dark as a pocket. 
 I think your Apostleship must have been taking lessons in non- 
 committalism from my neighbor at Kinder/look. 1 
 
 " Peter kept quiet he breathed freer and deeper when the 
 captain went on deck, and he found himself once more alone. 
 
 " Shakspeare tells us sorrows come not as single spies, but in 
 battalions and so our Apostle thought on the night following 
 this conversation. Walking on deck in the midnight watch, he 
 went forward and found the men sitting on the windlass, earnestly 
 engaged, conversing in a whispering tone, so that he was com 
 pelled to approach very near to hear what was said. He found 
 himself the subject of the conversation. 
 
 " I wish he were the devil himself as you say he is, said the 
 Spaniard, * rather than St. Peter ; but do you think I m such a 
 fool as to meddle with him if it be so ? Suppose we could throw 
 him overboard ; do you think he would drown ? The devils took 
 to the water once upon a time as a matter of choice ; now if you 
 want to try your hand at this sort of business, you may; I ll have 
 nothing to do with it ; but if you want to borrow my knife to 
 stick the pig, mind I loan it to you to kill the pig, and not the 
 Apostle, why here it is. 
 
 " Oh ! said the steward, who was evidently the instigator of 
 this conspiracy, I m not a chivalrous gentleman like General 
 Pickens ; I candidly confess, I was born to fear. 1 
 
 " A puritan sailor now spoke: Though he wished the saint to 
 the devil, or the devil was with the saint, he would not consent 
 to any such rascally way of getting rid of him. And how do 
 you know, steward, that he s not at this moment at your elbow, 
 you scoundrel ! The idea was so startling that it brought the 
 steward to his feet in an instant, and Peter, following in the foot 
 steps of so many of his illustrious predecessors, who have found 
 
CONSPIRACY AGAINST ST. PETER. 165 
 
 hard blows better than soft arguments, knocked him over, and 
 laid him senseless. The terror inspired by such convincing evi 
 dence of Peter s supremacy, prevented any outcry, and terror- 
 struck, the men ran aft. They feared to tell of what had so 
 frightened them, lest their conspiracy against Peter should draw 
 down the wrath of the captain, whose watch was on deck at the 
 time ; and full of fear and dismay, they crept into their berths 
 when the watch was out, devoutly wishing themselves at the end 
 of their voyage. 
 
 " The steward, the next day, waited on the table with much fear 
 and trembling, but he determined to do by stratagem what he had 
 failed to accomplish by force. And whenever he found the cap 
 tain alone, after having searched the cabin to see that they were 
 alone, he expressed his doubts as to the validity of Peter s claims 
 to the Apostleship, and was glad to find the captain s confidence 
 in his infallibility a good deal shaken. This was something ac 
 complished. On the forecastle, he did not fail to whisper to 
 Patrick that Peter ate meat on fast days, but Pat said he had no 
 doubt granted to himself a dispensation, and being an apostle, 
 could eat what he pleased : still, this neglect of the rules of the 
 church somewhat staggered Patrick, and if it was a satisfactory 
 reply to the steward, it was not so to himself. And as it was 
 now near Easter Sunday, this license, on the part of Peter, was 
 particularly painful to Patrick and the Spaniard, who were all 
 but dead with their extreme abstinence. 
 
 " There was one test which remained, by which Peter was to be 
 tried, and which the Catholics both said would be convincing 
 and this was, whether he would eat meat on the coming Good 
 Friday. The steward expressed his belief that he would, and if 
 he did, he was no saint to which conclusion the Irishman 
 and Spaniard both responded, * Certainly, no saint would eat 
 meat on Good Friday. Now, said the steward, l we shall 
 soon see. The descendants of Puritans among the sailors had 
 seized the opportunity of teasing these poor fellows by all man 
 ner of means, hoping to convert them, if not to their opinions, to 
 their customs : and the steward, who was both a Frenchman and 
 a skeptic, loved to repeat the epigram, * Peut on croire avec bon 
 sens, qu un lardon le mit en colere, &c., J * to the Spaniard with 
 great unction." 
 
 * Pent on croire avec bon sens 
 Qu un lardon le mit en colere? 
 Ou, que manger un hareng, 
 C est un secret pour lui plaire? 
 En sa gloire enveloppe 
 Songe t il bien do nos soupes? 
 
 Swift s Works, vol. x. p. 122, Am. Ed. 
 
166 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " Pardon me !" said Mrs. Smith, " for interrupting you, but I 
 don t recollect the epigram can t you repeat it to me in English ?" 
 
 "I will try and recall Dean Swift s version of it." After a mo 
 ment s musing, the Gentleman in Black recited it as follows : 
 
 " Who can believe with common sense, 
 A bacon slice gives God offence ? 
 Or, how a herring has a charm 
 Almighty vengeance to disarm? 
 Wrapped up in majesty divine, 
 Does he regard on what we dine? 
 
 " To the Spaniard, who understood French, this was extremely 
 puzzling, especially as he was excessively hungry. The Irish 
 man sympathized in all these sufferings, but was too honest to 
 doubt what he had been taught to believe. Now the second 
 mate, who had his berth forward, as a punishment for getting 
 intoxicated on the day of sailing, was a fellow of humor and edu 
 cation, and he told strange stories of the virtues of abstinence; 
 virtues, which by a contrariety not uncommon in the world, he 
 was the last to practise, though the first to preach. He told the 
 puritans, * that Patrick meant to outlive them all, and therefore 
 twas he kept himself on such short allowance, and like St. An 
 thony, who limited himself to twelve ounces of bread and water, 
 he meant to live 105 years; or like St. James, the hermit, to 104 
 years; or Arsenius, the tutor of the Emperor Arcadius, 120 
 years; or St. Epiphanius, 115 years ; or St. Simon, Stylites, 112 
 years ; and then he told Patrick not to despair ; he would not 
 die before Lent was over, for there was the best authority for be 
 lieving, that St. Simon Stylites, had fasted 40 days and nights on 
 the top of his pillar on the burning deserts of Syria; and that it 
 was told in the History of the Church,* that a hermit in the 
 Canton of Schwitz, lived twenty years without food. But Pat 
 rick, said he, * if you can t hold out, why not ask the Apostle 
 Peter for an indulgence ? 
 
 " And a pretty fool I should make of myself, if he should put 
 one under a penance of forty days longer, for making such a re 
 quest, replied Patrick. It must be confessed, the discussion of 
 these questions tended to make their own sense of suffering ex 
 treme, in contrast with the latitude the Apostle evidently gave 
 himself, of which they were daily spectators, as they peeped 
 down the sky-light into the cabin. 
 
 Now, there was one pig on board, the last of the live stock, 
 and this the steward kept for dinner on Good Friday, and when 
 that day came, it was served up in the best manner, and with all 
 
 * Histoire Eccl., lib. xii. ch. 21. 
 
CONSPIRACY AGAINST ST. PETER. 167 
 
 the skill which the steward and cook could command. And 
 Peter, all unconscious of the condition of public sentiment above 
 deck, and the importance attached to his course of conduct, took 
 his accustomed seat with the sincerest intention of doing justice 
 to the dinner. The effect upon the spectators, most interested, 
 was all that the steward could have desired. Their veneration 
 was fast subsiding into the extremest skepticism : and never did 
 fish and potatoes seem such wretched fare to Patrick and the 
 Spaniard, as they eat their only meal of the day, looking on their 
 heretical companions enjoying the remains of the captain s pig. 
 
 " The steward having thus created, after the manner of poli 
 ticians of all countries, a little * public opinion, felt himself safe in 
 taking another step in his revenge on the Apostle for the blow he 
 had received ; and so there was a silver spoon missing. It was 
 nowhere to be found. The captain, on asking the steward * if he 
 had found it? whispered in his ear, * that if he would search the 
 passenger saint, no doubt he would find it. A hint the captain 
 declined to take. The steward went on secreting the spoons till 
 all but three were missing: still urging the captain to search Pe 
 ter ; but the captain chose to believe that the steward or the 
 cook was the thief, and so searched them without success. The 
 loss of the spoons had the effect to irritate the captain, who had 
 already become somewhat doubtful as to what sort of a spirit he 
 had on board. If he was a saint, it was not so pleasant to have 
 any one so near to overlook him ; and if he was of another spe 
 cies, the sooner he left the ship the better. 
 
 "Finding that these petty larcenies did not have their effect, 
 the steward ventured on purloining the captain s gold watch, of 
 which he was especially proud, and boasted that it was superior 
 to any chronometer in the possession of the Admiralty, and that 
 he would not take five hundred dollars for it, telling how he had 
 rated his ship by it, and how exact it had always proved itself. 
 The captain went down as usual, at meridian, to wind up his 
 watch. It was gone! He came up in a rage, and swore he 
 would search the ship if that watch was not produced. The 
 crew were in consternation Mr. Kemble alone looked perfectly 
 calm ; even the priest himself was disquieted by the terrible rage 
 of the captain. During the dinner which followed, the captain, 
 drank several stiff tumblers of brandy and water, and eyed all 
 about him as one fortifying his courage for some unusual exertion 
 of strength or authority. His looks towards the apostle were 
 far from being friendly, while his manners to the priest were cold 
 or abrupt. The dinner over, he buttoned up his coat and went 
 on deck, and Peter, not wishing to be shut down below, and hav 
 ing some suspicion that harm .was brooding in some quarter, fol- 
 
168 PETER SCHLEM1HL. 
 
 lowed the mate and priest with his usual unheard step. The 
 mates were called to a consultation. The captain told them his 
 watch was stolen ; he was determined to search the ship, and it 
 was his mind to begin with the cabin ; that he had suspected the 
 steward, and had searched his bag himself, but had not found 
 either spoons or watch there, and now he wished to know how 
 they advised him to proceed with the search. Just at this point 
 the steward came up, and whispered to the captain that he had 
 heard his watch ticking in Peter s pocket as they sat at dinner, 
 and that if captain would allow him to seize Peter at the supper 
 table, the captain would be sure to find the watch and spoons 
 upon him, meaning, as he told me himself, to realize the predic 
 tion by shoving the watch and spoons into Peter s pocket the 
 moment before seizing him so making the case of Peter s guilt 
 one beyond question. But unluckily for the steward, the apostle 
 heard him, and at once comprehended the steward s plan of 
 operations, and with one blow of his fist planted behind his ear, 
 sent the steward headlong to the deck some ten paces distant, 
 when lo ! the watch and spoons fell out of his breast pockets on 
 the deck. One would have thought so complete a justification of 
 the apostle would have inspired the captain with sentiments of 
 profound regret, but so soon as the terror of this thunderbolt 
 had passed out of the captain s mind, blinded by rage that his 
 authority had been usurped by even Peter himself, he cried out 
 in tones of fiercest fury, Throw him overboard ! Seize him, 
 men! Overboard with him ! And the men ran aft and began a 
 sort of blindman s-buflf search for Peter, in which, to his un 
 speakable surprise, the priest joined with an ardor which aston 
 ished the apostle; the fact was, he had been thoroughly dis 
 gusted with his guest, and would have been glad to have been 
 well rid of him, and now he had the captain s word for it, he 
 was ready to lend his hand to heave him overboard. Peter 
 looked over the side; there were several sharks following the 
 ship, but seeing no one whose stomach would at all suit him, 
 he sprung into the rigging, and took his seat on the end of the 
 mizzen yard to watch the pursuit in which all but Mr. Kemble 
 were engaged. He could not but be surprised at the scene 
 going on below. He was no longer a divinity but a demon, and 
 the priest, too! recently so reverential in his demeanor, was now 
 seeking his life ! Alas ! thought he, how perishable is popular 
 applause! The captain now ordered the men into the rigging, 
 and before Peter could change his position, the Spaniard was 
 feeling for him along the yard on which he sat. There was 
 no escape, so waiting for his approach, he tried the virtues of 
 another blow, which loosed the Spaniard s hold, and screaming, 
 
STORM AT SEA. 169 
 
 he fell into the sea. The hen-coop was thrown overboard, and 
 Peter saw, with pleasure, that the Spaniard swam to it. The 
 crew now were engaged in rounding the ship, in lowering the 
 boat, and rowing to take him up, which occupied some time. 
 
 " No sooner was the boat hauled in, than the attention of the 
 captain was called to the portents of the sky. The sun was near 
 setting, and on the horizon were seen those streamers so fearful 
 to mariners, and to which they have given the euphonious name 
 of * mare s tails. Soon after, fitful vapors of electric fluid, 
 which the sailors style composants (Corpus-Christi), were seen 
 dancing from the ends of the yards to the tops of the masts, 
 changing their positions up and down, and from one mast to an 
 other, in a manner always appalling to uninformed men, and 
 which gradually descended lower and lower, always a bad 
 omen. This coming storm was regarded by the captain and his 
 crew, as got up for the occasion by our Peter, in order to revenge 
 himself for the treatment he had so recently received at their 
 hands. 
 
 ** The captain, however, was too thorough-bred a sailor not to 
 take all the necessary precautions to meet the approaching tem 
 pest, and he gave command all hands ! shorten sail, down with 
 them take in every rag of canvas ! man top gallant clew lines ! 
 clew them up, clew them down, cheerily ! cheerily ! The poor 
 sailors, at their wits -end, alarmed at the signs of the heavens, and 
 at the fearful contest in which they were about to be engaged, 
 speedily executed his orders. They labored with all earnestness, 
 making the booms well fast, unreefing the studding sails and royal 
 and sky-sail gear; getting rolling ropes on the yards, setting up 
 the weather breast back stays, and making all other preparations 
 for a storm. 
 
 " The bright streak of light which remained open in the west, 
 suddenly closed, and masses of heavy clouds darkened down 
 upon the face of the ocean, while the moon, full-orbed, as if laugh 
 ing at their calamity, and mocking their perils, was rising in the 
 east all placid and serene. 
 
 " The crew having obeyed the orders, returned to the deck, and 
 the captain, looking at the trim of his vessel, said to the priest, 
 who stood near him, terrified by the aspect of the skies, 
 
 44 4 She s as tough, sir, as iron and oak can make her, and as 
 wholesome as a ship can be a phrase which was as little intel 
 ligible to the priest as it was to Peter, though it has been made 
 classical by Dean Swift in his celebrated voyages of Captain Gul 
 liver. 
 
 44 Having scanned his ship, again, the captain thumped on the 
 roof of the gangway. 4 Now, Peter, do your A gust of wind 
 
170 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 prevented Peter from hearing the close of this dreadful challenge, 
 though the captain soon had reason to believe he was taken at his 
 word ; for the waves which had been cresting and foaming, rose 
 in heavy masses, and suddenly the winds lulled, when the vessel, 
 relieved of her canvas, yawed to and fro in the troughs of the 
 sea, as the waves rose and fell beneath her. This calm was fol 
 lowed by a crash of thunder which struck the foremast and splin 
 tered it from the cap down to the deck, and at the same instant, a 
 whirlwind struck them, which carried the mast over the side, 
 taking the main-top gallant mast along with it, carrying away the 
 bulwarks, and making that side of the ship a mere wreck. To 
 cut away and clear the ship, was the work of some minutes, during 
 which time, the spars were beating the sides of the ship with 
 heavy shocks, and the crew, pale with dread and dismay, were 
 all but paralyzed in the contest with the demon saint who sat all 
 this while in the mizzen-top shaking with fear. The captain s 
 voice, once so clear and full, now became weak and tremulous. 
 It was but in whispers he was able to speak to the man at the 
 wheel ste-a-dy, man! ste-a-dy. 
 
 " The ocean was now white with foam the waves were flat 
 tened by the force of the wind to a dead level, and the captain 
 and crew having effected a clearance of the ship, looked into each 
 other s faces to see if there was anything of confidence or en 
 couragement left. The whirlwind passed, and rain and tempest 
 followed ; the waves again rose in their majesty and might, and 
 Peter saw with new terror, a dark mass rolling on, which crested 
 and broke over the deck, and for a while he thought all was sink 
 ing to the depths of the ocean. The crew discovered it in time, 
 sprung to the rigging and wound the ropes about them, when 
 down the rushing ruin came, sweeping the deck of boats, caboose, 
 and everything movable. The ship recovered herself slowly, and 
 the voice of the captain, hoarse with fear, was once more heard 
 giving command, and the crew reluctantly relinquishing their fast 
 enings, obeyed him. * Where is Mr. Kemble ? cried the cap 
 tain. The crew looked around he was gone ! The waves had 
 carried him away, and with him the storms of life were over. 
 Peter then recollected he had heard amid the tumult a faint cry 
 of None but Christ! none but Christ! The night was a 
 long and perilous one, but when the morning broke, all was bright 
 and beautiful, showing a sad contrast with the condition in which 
 they found themselves. The captain s courage rose, and his 
 temper came back in all its force ; and as Peter was believed to 
 have taken his flight in the tempest, which he had raised for his 
 revenge, he berated the poor priest as the cause of all his misfor 
 tunes, and the death of poor Kemble, to whom the captain was 
 
171 
 
 greatly attached. The priest was very penitent, and deprecated 
 the wrath of the captain as best he could. You shall pay 
 dear for all this, sir ! exclaimed the captain, shaking his fist in 
 the priest s face. 
 
 " My dear captain, you won t hold me responsible for all your 
 mishaps, he replied. 
 
 " * I wish I could ! but you shall pay me for the passage of 
 your rascally saint. This I have a right to demand. No man 
 comes over the side of my ship, and does not pay his passage 
 money. You invited this saint on board without my consent ; he 
 has had a seat at my table, and has eaten enough for all the saints 
 in the calendar; what do you say to that? 
 
 " The poor man had not a word to say, and Peter himself felt 
 that this was, indeed, a home-thrust ; and so it was agreed on, by 
 the priest, that he would pay for Peter s passage, begging the 
 captain to say nothing about the saint to his friends, on their 
 arrival. 
 
 " The crew, weary and spent with labor, fear and fasting, were 
 glad to get a watch below deck, and Peter availed himself of the 
 opportunity to rummage the locker, and to supply himself with 
 water. Towards evening he heard with delight, the cry at mast 
 head, land-ho ! and saw it rising on the horizon, over the bow 
 of the vessel. So taking off the felt from his boots, he stepped 
 ashore, and landed in this asylum of the outcasts of all nations." 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 Peter s visit to Babylon Peter has his purse taken from him in the City of 
 Magnificent Distances Arrives in Babylon Loses his ; seven league boots" 
 His walks about the city Mystified by the busts he sees in one of the 
 banks the sculptures on the University Story of the Gong The reptiles 
 on the Tombs Peter s cogitations thereon Visits a Gothic church ; his re 
 flections on the Ritual A party of ladies remain to examine the church 
 after morning prayers Peter listens to their conference concerning the 
 symbols on the painted windows The baby of one of the ladies brought 
 in by her servant Their conversation respecting baptismal regeneration 
 The celebrated enigma of the eagle solved by one of the ladies. 
 
 The adventures of Peter in the City of Magnificent Distances are omitted. 
 
 THE Gentleman in Black continued his conversation as fol 
 lows : " Finding all my efforts to discover Peter fruitless, I dis- 
 
172 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 missed all my old agents, and obtained the services of a new set, 
 who had manifested great zeal in my employ in other places. 
 These I brought to the city, and offered them the highest rewards 
 for their labors, and they entered upon their duties with alacrity 
 and earnestness. Especially was this true of a small sprightly 
 man who was always on the alert, day and night. He was a 
 famous walker, and had at a single heat marched from Pennsyl 
 vania to Mississippi, thence to the Capitol, and had recently over 
 run Texas, and has since walked into Mexico. It so happened 
 that Peter was passing up one of the broad avenues of the City of 
 Magnificent Distances, in a very careless manner, all unconscious 
 of what he was about, when this gentleman ran into him, and 
 upset him in an instant. Without the loss of a second, he was 
 down upon him, had him by the throat, and his hand in his 
 pocket, and my Corduan purse once more saw daylight. He 
 threw it to one of his friends, who pocketed it in a moment, so 
 that when Peter arose he saw at once how vain it was for him to 
 contend the matter against such odds, and found himself once 
 more condemned to his former state of poverty." 
 
 " Is it possible," said Mrs. Smith, " that he had not made de 
 posits of money to his credit in any of the banks of Europe, 
 or of this country ? Had he made no provision for such an ac 
 cident as losing his purse?" 
 
 " Why, madam, he was like many other men, who think no 
 bank so safe as the sub-treasury of their own pockets ; and as 
 he thought he had this purse safe, he took no such precautions. 
 And, indeed, it would have been somewhat difficult for him to 
 have done so without visibility, for though these corporations are 
 said to be without souls, they all have bodies, and would not be 
 likely to transact business with one whom they could not see." 
 
 " And where is this purse ?" asked Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " Here it is," replied the Gentleman in Black, producing the 
 strong well sowed Corduan purse, which seemed perfectly empty. 
 
 " The Gentleman in Black seeing the surprise of Mrs. Smith, 
 begged her to shake it, which she did, and immediately it rained 
 down a shower of gold guineas which lay in a heap at her feet. 
 She picked up a handful and examined them ; they all wore the 
 usual aspects of the English mint. The Gentleman in Black 
 very politely begged Mrs. Smith to accept a large handful which 
 he had gathered up, but she bowed and declined the gift. 
 
 " I find," said she, " the safety fund bills of our state answer 
 all my purposes just as well as gold." 
 
 " But are they solvent?" asked the Gentleman in Black, with 
 earnestness. 
 . " They are deemed very powerful solvents," replied Mrs. 
 
LOSES HIS SEVEN-LEAGUE BOOTS. 173 
 
 Smith, with a smile ; " at least I find them so. If you please, what 
 became of Peter, after he lost his purse? How did you trace 
 him to this city ?" 
 
 " The Gentleman in Black now replaced the gold in the purse, 
 which, after all that was thus deposited in it, seemed as empty as 
 at first, and then carefully put it up in his pocket: 
 
 " By his letters to his sister," continued the Gentleman in 
 Black, " I found he had come to Babylon ; a place he had visited 
 often, but which he now hoped would offer him some nook of 
 retreat where he could earn his subsistence, free from my pur 
 suit : and it so happened, whether from design or accident, he 
 never wrote to his sister what he was doing, or where he made 
 his abode ; thus you see the regaining of my purse was more 
 difficult than to trace his steps." 
 
 " Yes, I should deem that an impossible thing, certainly " 
 
 " It would have been, but for a happy accident which I will 
 now relate to you. You are aware, that he usually wore an over 
 shoe of felt to take from his celebrated boots their seven-league 
 elasticity, and which, too, had the important advantage of making 
 his steps unheard. But it seems they required a new pair of 
 soles, and not long since he ventured to entrust these precious 
 boots to an honest German to be mended, sending him a note 
 with half a guinea, and telling him to have his boots mended and 
 in his hand at 11 o clock at night, when he would take them from 
 him, giving him a watchword to show it was all right. 
 
 " Now, this honest German had a stupid Dutch boy as his ap 
 prentice, and on the night before Peter was to receive them at the 
 hands of the honest boot mender, the boy took it into his head 
 to abscond. Having seen his master at work putting a pair of 
 English soles on this pair of boots, he thought it would be a 
 bright thought to try them on, and they were found to fit admira 
 bly. So soon as all were in bed, the boy came down in his 
 stocking feet into the street, and putting on Peter s boots, sat out 
 on his journey. 
 
 [We here omit the travels of Jean Paul Feutchwanger, narrated by the 
 Gentleman in Black, and also the flight of Phelim O Brady, by whom the boots 
 were found after Jean Paul had thrown them away, on his return to Baby 
 lon ] 
 
 " This great loss of his boots occurred to Peter soon after his 
 arrival at Babylon. His grief and surprise at finding himself de 
 frauded of his boots, was even greater than the loss of his purse. 
 He had been so long accustomed to the luxury of wandering at 
 large, that a fixed residence seemed all but a prison-house. 
 And he tells his sister that now she must depend wholly on his 
 letters, for they may never meet again. This was a fortunate 
 
174 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 circumstance to me, as I was made better acquainted than ever 
 with his movements; still, I am inclined to think, from motives 
 of safety or pride, he kept his own secrets as to his whereabouts. 
 
 " He seems to have been greatly mystified by all he saw in this 
 city, and thought, from the various symbols he met with in all 
 directions, that, like the city of Athens, Babylon the Less was 
 * wholly given to idolatry ; and even expected to see the counter 
 part of the celebrated golden image set up on the plains of Dura, 
 somewhere in or about the city." 
 
 "He didn t know, then," said Mrs. Smith, " that our idols of 
 gold had taken the wings of the eagle" 
 
 " No, madam; and if he had, he would never have supposed 
 that when so capacitated for flight, they were destined to be kept 
 caged in subterranean vaults and sub -treasuries." 
 
 " To be sure," said Mrs. Smith, " where else could they be 
 safely bestowed ? Riches, you know, are said to take eagles 
 wings and fly away. Even as it is, they sometimes very 
 strangely disappear. But did Peter find the object of supreme 
 worship in Babylon the Less ? if he did, he has done more than 
 most folks." 
 
 " Yes, madam, after long search, he made that discovery." 
 
 " Is it possible ? pray what may it be ?" 
 
 " Why, madam, he says he heard one day an old man 
 preaching, and he went in and took a seat in a vacant pew ; at 
 that moment, this old divine, thumping his velvet cushion with 
 a fury of passion, told the people that it was a well-established 
 fact, that * they were all idol worshippers, and that the sole god 
 of their idolatry was the great number One but what that 
 meant, Peter was all in doubt. Still he presumed it would afford 
 him a clue to his search, and so he went about in the mornings 
 of each day, looking for this great god, number One! 
 
 "Peter s surprise was, perhaps, never greater than when, on 
 entering one of the great banking houses of Change Alley, 
 (named after one of the demi-gods of the ancient people of 
 Babylon the Less,) he saw standing on the mantles, opposite each 
 other, beautiful busts of the great poets of England. Their voca 
 tion and spheres seemed so foreign to all the purposes of the 
 place, that Peter was entirely at a loss to unravel such strange 
 incongruities as poets and financiers being so mixed up. He 
 went into other banks, but found no such tutelar deities ; all was 
 strictly confined to the severe and hard aspects of money making. 
 He then came to the sage conclusion that this must be the centre 
 of those stocks called fancy stocks, of which he had read in 
 the papers of Babylon, and that the men who presided over this 
 
SCULPTURES ON THE UNIVERSITY. 175 
 
 institution, were the poets of banking, whose imaginations, like 
 that of the poet 
 
 " body forth the forms of things unknown, 
 
 Turn them to shape, and give to airy nothing 
 A local habitation and a name. 
 
 " But if Peter was mystified by what he saw in this bank, he 
 was no less so by what he saw outside of the University of Baby 
 lon. His morning walks usually carried him past this beautiful 
 edifice, and he found his attention attracted by those strange 
 faces which peer out of the marble over the windows and doors 
 of this pile of building.* At first, it seemed to him that they 
 were symbolical of the stupidity and obstinacy of the rams -horns 
 who were there trained, and certainly there never were beings 
 sculptured with foreheads more villainously low. On a more 
 careful scrutiny he discovered the heads of young puppies cun 
 ningly looking out over the door-way, from the points of the 
 ancient decorative sculpture, with their eyes wide open, while 
 the pupils in question are represented as having at best but 
 one eye open, others are stone blind, so it looked as if the 
 puppies were somewhat in advance of the pupils in this parti 
 cular. 
 
 " And phrenologically considered, the chances are certainly in 
 their favor," said the Gentleman in Black. " Yet Peter thought 
 the expression of extreme suffering the look of agony which is 
 sculptured in these faces, was designed to show these pupils as 
 undergoing the ancient and well-tried process of flagellation, the 
 posteriors being hid by the proprieties of the art in virgin mar 
 ble, leaving the imagination to fill up the group, showing the 
 vigorous Doct. Busbys, whose strong arms and stout birches 
 could so start into agony the very stones. 
 
 "One day, as he stood before the door, pondering what these 
 things could symbolize, he heard the thunder of a gong !t A sound 
 so unusual in classic walls created a surprise which I presume 
 was only equalled by what I once witnessed myself at Boyden s 
 hotel in the capital of the Ancient Dominion." 
 
 " I beg you will tell me the story ; it will serve as an episode to 
 Peter s, and I shall be gratified with the illustration." 
 
 " Certainly, my dear madam," replied the Gentleman in Black, 
 with one of his most attractive smiles. 
 
 " I was spending a few days with a friend who boarded at Boy- 
 den s, and was sitting in a private parlor which we occupied to 
 gether, when he entered, accompanied by a young fellow just from 
 
 * This passage will be understood and. appreciated by those only who 
 have seen these gothic windows. 
 
 t A gong is actually used to call the classes in the University in question. 
 
176 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 the interior, and who was in the finest spirits, having made a 
 first rate sale of his tobacco crop. As it was near dinner time, 
 this young gentleman said to us, Suppose we take something to 
 start an appetite. * Agreed, said my friend. Let s go down to 
 the bar and get it. No, we might as well take it up here, was 
 the reply. Good lick ! said the countryman, but how shall 
 we call for it ? Ring the bell there. What bell ? Pull that 
 rope hanging there. The young fellow laid hold of the rope 
 and gave it a jerk, and just at that moment the gong sounded for 
 dinner. Never had he heard such a sound before, and the rum 
 bling crash came upon his ear with a report that stunned him. 
 He staggered back from the rope, raised both hands in horror, 
 and exclaimed, Great Jerusalem, what a smash ! I ve broke 
 every piece of crockery in the house ! There ain t a whole dish 
 left ! You must stick by me, old fellow, addressing me, and lay 
 ing his hand on my shoulder, don t leave me in this scrape, for 
 my whole crop won t half pay the breakage. What did you tell 
 me to touch that cursed rope for? said he, turning to my friend, 
 who was all but bursting with laughter. A servant entered the 
 room at the instant, and looking round at us inquiringly, asked 
 
 * Did you ring that bell, sir? addressing the young tobacco 
 planter. Bell, no ; d n your bell ! I never touched a bell in 
 my life : what bell ? I never saw your bell. The waiter, not a 
 little surprised at the earnestness of the reply, said, Somebody 
 rung the bell in this room, that s certain. No they didn t. 
 There s nobody here that ever saw a bell and whispering to 
 me, he said : Let s lie him out of it ; I sha n t have a cent left to 
 get home, if I pay the entire damage. What do they set such 
 rascally traps as that for, to take in folks from the country ? My 
 friend now recovered himself, so far as to be enabled to explain 
 that it was only the gong sounding for dinner a simple sum 
 mons to " walk down to soup," got up on the Chinese plan. We 
 made our way to the dining-room, but it was some time before the 
 young tobacco-grower could get over the stunning effects of that 
 dreadful gong. It was a God-send, he said, that the crash did 
 not turn my hair gray on the spot. 
 
 Mrs. Smith gave one of her bright silvery laughs, and said, 
 " she was certain she should now be the better able to understand 
 the surprise of Peter at the sounding of a gong in a college-hall." 
 
 "Peter," continued the Gentleman in Black, " sprung across 
 the street, and in an instant all these faces assumed a new aspect. 
 
 * This, thought he, is a " Dotheboy s Hall," and this the signal to 
 take their several doses of brimstone : or if it is broth, they doubt 
 less know the truth of the old Scotch proverb 
 
 "He that sups soup with the De il, must have alang ladle." 
 
177 
 
 " Nor was the sign of the pelican swallowing 1 the fine golden 
 fish, unnoticed by Peter, but what it meant he had not the same 
 means of knowing, which, unhappily for me, I possess. But of all 
 the symbols, which seemed to him the most ominous and fearful, 
 were the glyphs on the Tombs ; and as no Champollion or Lep- 
 sius had as yet visited the city, to decipher these mystic signs, 
 our Peter was left to find out what they indicated, as he best 
 could. He watched the poor culprits carried there by the star 
 police, and, as they never returned, he had fearful forebodings of 
 their fate. He, too, saw certain sharp, well-dressed looking 
 men, with hands in their pockets, going in and out, sometimes 
 with books bound in sheep under their arms, whom he took for 
 the cormorants of courts. Now the winged globes over the grand 
 entrance, seemed to show the rapidity with which the poor cul 
 prits were caught up, and spirited away; but what appalled him 
 most, were the Gorgons, whose wondrous jaws and saw-teeth, 
 set upon bodies, * whittled down, as Sam Slick would say, to 
 the little end of nothing, was a new species of reptiles, which 
 would have puzzled Cuvier himself, to have assigned to any 
 known order of animals, or to have reconstructed, had he found 
 their lower jaw among his fossil remains. Indeed^ they were 
 all jaw ; and Peter guessed they must symbolize certain profes 
 sional men, whose length and strength of jaw are proverbial.* 
 His terror was so great, that he never could gain courage to enter 
 these dread portals, which stood wide open at all hours of the 
 day. 
 
 " My dear madam, you must remember that Peter had nothing 
 to do but to think, and it will not surprise you, if such a symbol 
 spoke to him of human life, its fortunes, and the fatal experiences 
 of man. This globe wore various aspects to him, as often as he 
 came by these tombs, in his morning walks, and he, as often as 
 he passed, sought to decipher this hieroglyphic. At one time, 
 he writes his sister, they seemed to speak of the vanity of 
 human desires, blown up from those slippery saponaceous mix 
 tures of air and water, which Hope so well knows how to place 
 in the hands of children, of all ages; and though the containing 
 vessel of some, is of earth, while others are made happy by 
 bowls of great beauty of shape and of tint, and a few hold vases 
 of crystal, or of gold, yet all are alike full, and a straw, as well 
 as a golden pipe, answers all the purposes of blowing up these 
 
 * Those who are residents of this great city, will be best able to judge of 
 the truthfulness of the Gentleman in Black s description of these symbols in 
 Babylon the Less. This building is of the Egyptian style of architecture, and 
 contains the Police and Criminal Courts, and the city prison. All executions 
 take place in the central court. 
 12 
 
178 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 beautiful bubbles. And then how exquisitely beautiful the globes, 
 as they ascend above our heads ! so soon, alas, to be broken. 
 Then, again, the symbol spoke to Peter of the fairness, round 
 ness, and completeness of human hopes, while the nondescript 
 reptiles pictured the grim realities of life, by which all such airy 
 dreams are soon and forever destroyed. 
 
 " The next time, however, the globe pictured the helplessness 
 of a poor man, hemmed in with the ravening wolves of social 
 life; he has no powers of resistance, but must endure the process 
 of mastication, of those who are so happy as to be possessed of 
 jaws full of teeth. Society seemed to him divided into two 
 great divisions those with teeth, and those without ; or the fed, 
 and the unfed. That society was striving to fulfil, in this life, 
 the retributions of God, in the world to come ; enriching those 
 who have, by the spoils of those who only seem to have, so 
 little do they possess. 
 
 " And then, by another twist of his mental kaleidoscope, these 
 symbols spoke of the awards of human laws. These claim to 
 be the perfection of reason, but, as in these sculptures, these laws 
 were devoured by those who administered them, and who, so Peter 
 thought, were pictured in the reptiles. And, the winding up of 
 all these cogitations was, that his first impressions must be the 
 true elucidation; that the defenceless globe was the personifica 
 tion of the culprit, or client, as the case may chance to be, and 
 the reptiles, those well known gentlemen, who, however nice 
 they can be at words, never mince matters when dealing with 
 cJioses, and never were known to make two bites of a cherry. 
 
 " Peter deeply felt the solitude of this vast city, in which he 
 was living, without a single object upon which to expend his af 
 fections and sympathies. And his utmost hopes were bounded 
 by obtaining a subsistence, by some means, not unworthy of his 
 principles. Weary with his long walks in a hot sun, and amid 
 crowded streets, filled with busy men and women, who passed 
 him, unconscious of his existence, and caring nothing for him, if 
 they had seen him ; all of whom, probably, had their firesides, 
 and families, and familiar friends ; with a deep sense of his own 
 destitution of all that made life happy, seeing a Gothic church 
 open, Peter walked in. Here he was released in a moment, from 
 the glare of day. The hum of life was heard, only to heighten 
 the sense of seclusion, from the whirlpool of existence by which 
 he had been surrounded and oppressed. Peter advanced up the 
 aisle, and took a seat near the altar. The silence, and dim reli 
 gious twilight shed their soothing influence over his spirit, and he 
 looked around to admire the grandeur of the building, and grate 
 ful emotions rose in his soul, that such a home for the miserable 
 
179 
 
 had been erected, and opened in the centre of this great city, 
 where the outcast and the wretched could come and commune 
 with God; where all spoke of the future and eternal world. 
 
 " In a reverie, Peter recalled the days of his childhood the forms 
 of his parents, long since dead the hopes of his boyhood the 
 warm friendships of those bright and buoyant days, when the 
 world was all open before him, and hope pictured years of com 
 ing happiness. And he remembered his disappointments ; how 
 death had removed from him the objects of his love and friend 
 ship ; and that life had now become to him a stern task of soul, 
 renewed with no kind auspices; that long since, to him, the 
 disenchanted earth had lost its lustre. He asked himself: 
 
 " Where now her glittering tow rs, her golden mountains where? 
 All darkened down to naked waste a dreary vale of years! / 
 
 After a moment s pause, in which the Gentleman in Black 
 seemed lost in thoughts which may have been busy with the 
 bright days of his own youth, he continued : 
 
 " There are moments, madam, in which one s whole life is 
 brought visibly before the mind, and the links of destiny are all 
 brightly and distinctly seen. Such do not often recur, and can 
 by no mental power be created or renewed. Like the lightning s 
 flash, they show the vista of by-gone life, and then all is swal 
 lowed up in deeper darkness. In such a reverie, Peter scanned 
 the past, and sighed, as he said to himself happy the man who 
 cannot remember the one event that made him old! * 
 
 "And, as he thought of his childhood, by some slight attenuated 
 thread of association, he says, there arose the remembrance of 
 those beautiful golden-paper-covered-picture-books, which that 
 most amiable of gentlemen, Mr. John Newbury, the Peter 
 Parley of his day, sent in ship-loads from his shop in St. Paul s 
 Church yard, London ; and which he was sure to find among his 
 New Year s presents and the stories of his childhood came up, 
 of Cinderella and her slipper Robinson Crusoe, and his man 
 Friday and the dreadful Blue Beard and his beautiful lady ; and 
 as his thoughts ran over these stories, musing, he says, How 
 like life was the history of this sweet lady! Doubtless, when 
 Blue Beard went to his wedding, he arranged himself in all the 
 enchanting splendor of baronial nobility, and the fair one, whom 
 he brought home, looked upon life in his splendid castle, as the 
 
 * Sismondi relates, that Guirano Veronese having spent some years at Con 
 stantinople, brought from thence two cases of Greek manuscripts, the fruits 
 of his indefatigable researches, of which he lost one in a shipwreck; the grief 
 of seeing the labor of years lost in a moment, turned his hair gray in one 
 night. The same change of her hair in a single night is related of Maria An 
 toinette, Queen of France. 
 
180 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 happiest on earth. But she must obey the resistless impulse of 
 her nature, and entered the secret and awful chamber, and saw 
 the mangled corpses of women on the floor, weltering in blood 
 then came the terrible certainty, that in a short time the same 
 fate awaited her, and the treacherous key fell from her quivering 
 hand. Such, he says to his sister, would be the terror of all, 
 could they turn from the flower garden of life, to its damp, and 
 shade, and wretchedness. Life has indeed a most melancholy 
 reverse!* And tears filled his eyes, as he remembered what he 
 had been, might have been, and what he was. 
 
 " While thus musing, the people assembled for morning prayers, 
 and Peter was aroused by the recitation of that * form of sound 
 words to which he had so often listened in childhood. All is 
 not changed! he mentally exclaimed, * there is yet something 
 which defies the tooth of time, and stands the test of human scru 
 tiny ! The service never seemed so venerable, -simple, sooth 
 ing and sublime. He felt its stern contempt of all ornament, that 
 meretricious millinery of words, by which all that is grand is 
 grotesqued by modern refinement; and there arose too the thought, 
 
 * that these were the prayers which had been inspired by the 
 flames of persecution, and the chariots of fire which had borne 
 the souls of martyrs to the paradise of God. 
 
 " It chanced to be a Friday morning, and the litany was in due 
 order of the rubric recited^and Peter writes, that when the priest 
 commenced the reading of this part of the service for the day, it 
 seemed in exact accordance with the melancholy of his own soul. 
 
 * Alas ! he says, how few hearts are ever placed in conditions of 
 existence which give them the power of appreciating the depth 
 of sorrow the pangs of contrition, the wailing cry of agony, 
 which finds in these dreadful appeals to the throne of God, the 
 fitting and natural expressions of their own cries and tears. 
 
 "He adds It is not because the service of the church is 
 wanting in unction and fervor, but because its language is expres 
 sive of an elevation and spirituality few Christians ever attain, 
 that it becomes of necessity a ritual of mere routine, and this is 
 the reason why in the most fashionable of the English churches, 
 the litany is committed to the choir to be sung with artistic skill 
 and modulation. 
 
 " But why ?" said Mrs. Smith. " I do not see, do you ?" 
 " I suppose if Peter were present," replied the Gentleman in 
 Black, " he would tell you, that there can be in the souls of pros 
 perous men and women, no real sympathy in appeals to heaven s 
 
 * This allusion to Blue Beard, is taken from " The Christian in Plato, by 
 Ackerman. 
 
THE GOTHIC CHURCH OF BABYLON. 181 
 
 majesty, only suited to souls struggling and in peril, as in the storms 
 of life, or sinking in the agonies of expiring nature: and I doubt 
 not, madam, that it was this want of sympathy between the prayer 
 book and those who were enforced to use it, that led to the great 
 civil wars of England." 
 
 " Well, this idea has all the charm of novelty to me," said Mrs. 
 Smith. 
 
 " We will not discuss that now," said the Gentleman in Black, 
 " and if you please, we will go back to Peter." 
 
 " With all pleasure," said Mrs. Smith, with her sweet smile. 
 
 " The service being over, the assembly dispersed, and Peter 
 looked at them as they gradually disappeared with a feeling of 
 sadness, for he was as much at home in that silent church as in any 
 place in the wide world ; so he retained his seat. Nor was he 
 alone in doing so, for near him was a party of three ladies and 
 four young girls, all very gracefully dressed, and distinguished 
 for beauty and bright and speaking eyes. They evidently had 
 remained to examine the architectural embellishments of the 
 church. The eldest of the party acted as the cicerone, as they 
 came up slowly toward where Peter was now standing; when 
 their attention was attracted to the splendid painted window, to 
 which the cicerone pointed with her sun shade, while indicating 
 the figures of the evangelists, aided by the emblematic figures of 
 the lion, the ox and eagle, and lest these should fail, the artist 
 had helped the looker-up by scrolls, on which the names of Mark 
 and John are printed. 
 
 " * The figure at the right of our Saviour, said the lady, with 
 a voice of great beauty and refinement of tone, is St. Peter, to 
 whom were committed, as you see, the keys of heaven and hell. 
 
 One of the ladies looked up and smiled very significantly. 
 * My dear Virginia, said the cicerone, what amuses you in the 
 picture? is it the drawing or coloring? 
 
 " Well, Alice, I don t admire such muscles in a picture of a 
 saint, that s true; but I m surprised that you should have re 
 stored the keys to Peter. I thought they were taken away from 
 him a long time ago. The last I heard of them they were, where 
 I m willing they should remain, in the hands of our Saviour. * 
 
 " * My dear friend, how ignorant you are of the Holy Scrip 
 tures, and of the universal belief of the church. 1 
 
 Not so ignorant, dear Alice, as you may imagine. The keys, 
 I believe, were given Peter before his sad apostacy, and I read in 
 the Apocalypse that our blessed Saviour says. " I open and no 
 man shutteth ! I have the keys of death and hell !" Now, for 
 
 * See Revelations, chap, i., 5th verse. 
 
182 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 my part, I was never well satisfied that Peter should have the 
 keys in question. I fear, from his conduct at Antioch, he would 
 have left us Heathens in our blindness to worship wood and stone. 
 
 " How can you say such things of one of the Holy Apostles, 
 Virginia? 
 
 " * I say nothing but what I find in the Acts of the Apostles. 
 I suppose you deem that good authority. 
 
 " Good authority, if rightly interpreted, replied the cicerone ; 
 and the true interpreter of the Scriptures is the Church; and 
 it is the universal tradition of the Holy Catholic Church that 
 Peter has the keys, and they are, therefore, so represented in the 
 window above us. 
 
 " * I think, Alice, it would have been more modest in Peter, 
 after what happened, even if he had retained them, to have put 
 these keys in his pocket. 
 
 " 4 Oh, you are a dissenter,* Virginia, of the Old School of the 
 Ancient Dominion, the most deeply dyed in the dark blue of 
 Presbyterianism. I ve little hope of your conversion. 
 
 " Yes, I do dissent to Peter s having the keys of heaven or 
 hell, Apostle though he be, aided and abetted by the universal 
 Popish Church. 
 
 * * Universal Popish Church ! What do you mean, Virginia ? 
 
 " Didn t you just say that the universal Popish Church held 
 that Peter had the keys, and doesn t the Pope claim to hold these 
 very keys as his successor? replied Mrs. Virginia. 
 
 " * I said, Virginia, it was the belief of the Universal Holy 
 Catholic Church; I didn t speak of the Roman Schismatical 
 Church. 
 
 " * Oh! this is news ! Well, dear Alice, where is this " Holy 
 Catholic Church," whose traditions are a little in advance of 
 Holy Writ? said Mrs. Virginia. 
 
 " The Holy Catholic Church is the Church of the Apostles, 
 wherever it exists, of which the Anglican Church, from whence 
 we come, is, perhaps, the purest of all; unless it be our own 
 Episcopal Church. 
 
 " The third lady, who had been gazing upward and around 
 without any attention to this discussion, now asked the cicerone, 
 whose figure that was designed for with the long double-handed 
 executioner s sword, on the extreme left of the Saviour? 
 
 " * That, 9 replied the lady, 4 is St. Paul with the sword. 
 
 * And why put a sword into the hand of Paul, Alice ? said 
 Mrs. Virginia. 4 Who but Paul possessed the " gentleness of 
 Christ?" 
 
 * The Bishop of Connecticut, in a late charge, so calls all other religionists. 
 
COLLOQUY OF LADIES AS TO THE SYMBOLS. 183 
 
 " Ah ! replied the cicerone, but that is the sword of the 
 Spirit. 
 
 " But why select a sword for the symbol of the Holy Spirit? 
 The Holy Spirit selected a dove with its white wings and gentle 
 movements, and why change the symbol for an ill-shapen sword, 
 which looks more like an old-fashioned spit of the kitchen ? 
 
 " Dear Virginia, are you not captious ? St. Paul speaks him 
 self of the "sword of the Spirit." 
 
 " Yes, replied Virginia, * so he does ; but is the sword a sym 
 bol for Paul ? There s Luke with his patient ox, Matthew with 
 his lion, John with his eagle not that I see anything in these 
 emblems significant of their characters ; but let that pass; Paul, 
 with a high two-handed sword, is not Paul of the New Testa 
 ment, whose soul was the seat of every noble and tender affec 
 tion, whose love was God-like beyond all that is recorded in man; 
 whose spirit was melting \vith sympathy, and whose heart was 
 the living temple of the Holy Ghost; the only man that ever lived 
 who could say " Walk as ye have us for an example?" Who 
 but Paul could say "We have the mind of Christ !" 
 
 ** Don t you think, Virginia, said the youngest of the three 
 ladies, that it would be more characteristic to have put the 
 sword into Peter s hand? 
 
 " * Yes, replied her friend Virginia ; * if any one should be so 
 represented, it should be Peter, though I think he wore his, when 
 in Pilate s palace, under his cloak ; where I would advise his 
 keys should now be kept. 
 
 44 * Poor Peter, replied the cicerone, you really have a sad 
 spite against him ; but you will be very glad to have him open to 
 you the gates of Paradise. 
 
 " I ve no doubt I shall revere and love the Apostle Peter in 
 heaven, if I am ever so happy as to get there, said Virginia ; 
 and I love his epistles now, for they breathe the spirit of deep 
 humility, which his successors would do well to imitate. 
 
 " Tell me, dear Alice, said Mrs. Virginia, what those cha 
 racters symbolize in the compartment immediately over the head 
 of the Saviour ; they look like some such characters as I have in 
 an old book on Astrology. 
 
 " Mrs. Alice looked up, evidently in doubt. I think they must 
 be Greek characters, of an old style, perhaps, and if so, then they 
 stand for Alpha and Omega, though I really don t know. 
 
 " Well, suppose it were so, said Virginia; what would they 
 then signify ? 
 
 " The Church! the beginning and the end; which is, as you 
 know, " the pillar and ground of the truth," replied Mrs. Alice. 
 
 " lithe Truth had no better foundation than the Church to rest 
 
184 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 upon, the pillar of the Truth would have been in all ages a lean 
 ing tower, to which that at Pisa would have been a poor com 
 parison. 
 
 " My dear Virginia, doesn t the Bible say so ? said Mrs. 
 Alice. 
 
 " Certainly, it does not," 1 replied the Presbyterian Virginia. 
 
 " Well, dear Virginia, let s leave that till we get home. 
 
 " The young ladies now pointed out to the frequent signs which 
 they read as repetitions of ttye,* and asked of Mrs. Berkley what 
 they could mean. 
 
 " I presume, said Mrs. Berkley, * they, like the letters over 
 the Saviour, indicate the one Church the Church ! The 
 young ladies bowed, and doubtless deemed the answer satis 
 factory; as to the other ladies, they were at the moment engaged 
 in speaking together, and did not catch the conversation with the 
 girls. 
 
 "At this moment, a fine bright-looking negro girl came up with 
 a brave baby boy in her arms, who was crying with the finest 
 lungs in the world, and said * O Missis, Masser Jeames has 
 been kicking and crying dis hour, he s so ongry. 
 
 " Come here, you little villain, said the gay-hearted mother, 
 * you shall be fed. 
 
 " My dear Marion, you don t mean to suckle your child in the 
 church ? said the Episcopal lady. 
 
 " In the church, said the lady, looking round to see if there 
 were any spectators, and seeing none, she said, * yes, and why 
 not? 
 
 ** But, my dear, the proprieties of the place would seem to 
 forbid it. 
 
 " Proprieties of the place! Bless me, I wish the people that 
 come here to worship may be as desirous of " the sincere milk of 
 the word," as my boy is of his mother s milk; I reckon they will 
 be far better Christians than they now are. 
 
 " And so saying, she carried off her boy to a pew not far off 
 near the wall, and soon hushed his uproar by giving him all he 
 wished, and her kisses and smiles besides: and Peter says he 
 was never so conscious of the music of those sweet sounds given 
 out by a hungry baby, when smothered and satisfied in the 
 bosom of a young mother." 
 
 Mrs. Smith sighed deeply, as the Gentleman in Black spoke of 
 joys of which she knew nothing. There was something malicious 
 in his eye, as he saw her lids close, and the tear welling up under 
 
 * This symbol read t. I). ., as most persons read it, is, in fact, the Gothic 
 letters i,h. S. PETEB. SCHLEMIHL. 
 
BAPTISMAL REGENERATION. 185 
 
 the lids unshed. Lest he had gone too far, he proceeded with 
 his narration : 
 
 " My dear Alice, do you believe that children are regenerated 
 in baptism ? asked the Presbyterian lady. 
 
 " * Certainly I do. It is distinctly affirmed in our catechism. 
 
 " And is it possible that all that our Saviour meant in his 
 conversation with Nicodemus, and which excited his astonish 
 ment, can admit of so simple a solution. 
 
 " * It is the only regeneration which the Church has any 
 knowledge of, replied Mrs. Berkley. 
 
 " I fear it may be so, indeed, was the reply. * But it may, 
 perhaps, be that the Bible may demand something which the 
 Church does not ; and if it should, how fearful will be the mis 
 take. I knew it was so stated in the prayer-book, but I thought 
 the evangelical Christians of your Church did all they could to 
 counteract such a papistical dogma. * 
 
 " Dear Virginia, we have known of no such distinctions as 
 you speak of. One must be in the Church or out of it ; if they 
 are in the Church, they are Christians. 
 
 " * But, Alice, everybody baptized cannot be regenerated. 
 
 " I do not know how better I can reply to you, dear Alice, 
 than in the words of Bishop Brownell s charge to his clergy : 
 "The change of state, effected in baptism, is called, in Scripture, 
 and in the language of the baptismal office, regeneration." 
 
 " But, my dear, do we mean the same thing ? By regenera 
 tion I mean a change of our spiritual nature, the implantation of 
 holiness as a divine principle, and which leads us on to eternal 
 life, through daily renewals of grace, to a life of glory. 
 
 " I presume we may not mean the same thing, for I don t 
 understand you ; but Bishop Hobart, whose pious hands con 
 firmed me before the altar which once stood on this sacred spot, 
 taught us, in the sermon he preached on that occasion, that "in 
 
 * The Rev. Dr. Stone, of Christ Church, Brooklyn, in a work entitled " The 
 Mysteries Opened, or Scriptural Views of Preaching and the Sacraments, as dis 
 tinguished from certain Theories concerning Baptismal Regeneration and the 
 Real Presence," says, page 245, " The great law of interpretation, so important 
 to us as Protestant Episcopalians, which I find in the writings of the late 
 venerable Bishop Griswold, is this : That in cases of apparent conflict, the 
 Prayer Book must be explained into an agreement with the Bible, and not 
 the Bible into an agreement with the Prayer Book. If the two appear to dif 
 fer, much more, if they really do differ, the human must bow to the divine. 
 It were impious to force the divine to do obeisance to the human. And that 
 the theory of baptismal regeneration, as I have exhibited it from the writings 
 of its actually greatest masters, does, not only apparently, but actually and 
 irreconcilably differ from the true sense of the Scripture, is a position which 
 has, I humbly conceive, been sufficiently demonstrated." 
 
186 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 the sacrament of baptism we are taken from the world, where we 
 
 had no title to the favor of God, and placed in a state of salvation 
 
 y in the Christian Church.* And, also, ** that this was the only 
 
 mode through which we could be admitted into the covenant with 
 
 God ; the only mode through which we could obtain a title to 
 
 those blessings and privileges which Christ had purchased for 
 
 1 his mystical body, the Church, is the Sacrament of fiaptism." 
 
 " My dear Alice, if I could believe this, what a state of mind 
 
 ^ I should be reduced to. 
 
 " * Just the state in which I could wish to see you, Virginia. 
 " See me, Alice ! why I should be all but mad. 
 " About what? I see nothing to excite frenzy, but everything 
 to inspire peace and assurance. If Christ has given this grace 
 to His Church, to be conferred by His Apostles and their succes- 
 V^ sors, you have only to know that you have been baptized to 
 \ know that you are regenerated. Now you have nothing better 
 J<r. than the present condition of your religious affections, which are 
 varying every hour in the day. 
 
 " * My dear Alice, let us be serious, for I feel it indeed matter 
 
 ?5 for sobriety of speech. Tis true, as you say, my religious feel 
 
 ings vary, but I hope my faith is centered in the atonement of 
 
 the Lord Jesus Christ; that He is my prophet, priest, and king, 
 
 whom, with all these changes of affection, is yet the object of 
 
 my highest reverence and supreme love ; and that I do so love 
 
 him, I regard now, and ever shall rely on it, as the highest and 
 
 -v best evidence, the evidence of consciousness that I am, with ten 
 
 ^ thousand faults and sins, adopted into his family, and have been 
 
 \ . regenerated by the Holy Ghost, sent down from Heaven, the 
 
 N gift of His love, and the fruit of His intercession. But if I held 
 
 the views which you have just expressed, and could not (as I 
 
 ^j trust you do as truly as myself), read my title to the skies, in 
 
 these evidences of a new nature engrafted by the Holy Ghost, 
 
 !X but was compelled to rely on the fact of my having been bap 
 
 tized, by one properly authorized to do so, as a successor of the 
 
 Apostles of our Lord, my anxieties would be far beyond a crew 
 
 4; at sea, in a ship without a compass or a chart. 
 
 * My dear Virginia, all this would be very true, but our 
 Church has indubitable evidence of a divine succession. 
 
 " Indubitable evidence, dearest, in a matter on which your 
 *\ soul s salvation depends, is, of all things, most necessary, and I 
 S> had supposed this could only exist in the deep convictions of 
 one s own soul. 
 
 * Sermon on Confirmation, page 26. 
 
 : < ,-,// 
 
 i 
 
BAPTISMAL REGENERATION. 187 
 
 " * How can you trust the convictions of a nature you hold to 
 be totally depraved ? 
 
 K; " * True, I may be self-deceived. I often fear I am ; but yet 
 this is better than the broken chain on which your hopes (theo- 
 J retically, I hope and believe), rely; in comparison with which, it 
 may well be said, " the spider s most attenuated thread is cord is 
 ^ cable." My confidence does not rest on my feelings. The sun 
 shines, Alice, though clouds intercept my clear and comfortable 
 view of it. But now, Alice, tell me, are you certain you have 
 been baptized? 
 
 " I have a copy of the record, under the seal of the Reverend 
 Verdant Green, by whom I was baptized, replied the lady 
 gravely. 
 
 " * Then as a first step, your confidence rests on the truth of 
 i this certificate. But how do you know the Reverend Verdant 
 J Green was duly authorized to baptize you ? 
 
 " Ah ! my dear Virginia, you are going into a dispute about 
 J the apostolical succession ; that is really a very long topic, and 
 one about which 1 am sure you and I shall never agree. 
 
 " Perhaps not; but let me ask, what are the requisites of a 
 , single priest in order to his being " an ambassador of Christ, duly 
 empowered to act, and to represent him on earth," and so confer 
 " the divinely appointed blessings of salvation, and the gifts of the 
 Holy Spirit, in the sacraments, word and ordinances of the 
 Church,"* commencing with " regeneration in baptism?" 1 
 
 " Well, that is a specific question, and I will attempt to answer 
 it. A priest, then, must have been himself baptized by an Epis 
 copal priest, confirmed by an Episcopal bishop, ordained by a 
 bishop who himself has been ordained by not less than duly or 
 dained bishops of the Episcopal church. 
 
 " Indeed ! the chances of a broken link in this golden chain 
 grow in geometrical progression as you go on. And I very much 
 fear there has been some link broken in the centuries which have 
 elapsed since the days of Peter and Paul; and will only say I 
 cannot conceive how such wretched quicksand, as I deem all this 
 to be, can be assumed as the foundation of hopes on which rest 
 our eternal destinies. " And supposing it granted that the alleged 
 commission was regularly transmitted in later times, admitting 
 that the chain may be traced through the lower and later portions 
 of its length, yet the higher links are absolutely wanting, the 
 sole material part of the evidence is totally deficient. If a suc 
 cession be proved, it is still not apostolic." t 
 
 * The words marked as quoted, are Dr. Seabury s. 
 j- Westminster Review, for June 1846, p. 167. 
 
188 PETER SCHLEMIHL. . 
 
 " Here the lovely Marion came up with her baby, crowing and 
 clapping his hands, and presenting him to the Episcopal lady, said, 
 * Isn t he a cherub? 
 
 " The lady kissed him very fondly, and patting his cheeks, re 
 plied, He is a very precious child, but I do not like to call him 
 by so sacred a name. 
 
 " Sacred! Why, dear Alice, are not all the cherubs of the 
 Holy Catholic Church babies about the size of my boy? If they 
 are half as beautiful as he is, they will be among the prettiest of 
 all God s creatures. None that I have seen on canvas, is to be 
 compared with him. So saying, she dumped her baby into the 
 basin near which they were standing, where he sat as merry as 
 Puck upon the toadstool in Sir Joshua Reynolds celebrated pic 
 ture, while she employed herself in arranging her dress, deranged 
 by her recent avocation. 
 
 " Why, Marion! cried the Episcopal lady, what strange 
 uses you make of the sacred symbols of our church. 
 
 " The lady looked inquiringly first at her boy, then at the lady, 
 evidently unconscious of what new act of sacrilege she had com 
 mitted ; and hastily taking her child into her arms, she for the 
 first time discovered the baptismal font, into which she had so 
 irreverently seated him. She asked, with a sort of breathless 
 anxiety, and is this the bowl which holds the water for baptizing 
 babies ? 
 
 " My dear Marion, we call it a baptismal font? said Mrs. 
 Berkley. 
 
 " And so does our dear minister on the mountains of Virginia 
 call an old china cup he has, and isn t one just as much a font as 
 the other ? asked Marion with all sincerity of tone. 
 
 " Undoubtedly it is, if you speak of the Episcopal Church 
 in your neighborhood. 
 
 " Certainly I do ; but, dear Alice, what would the china cup be 
 in Virginia s old barn of a meeting-house down in Henrico ? 
 asked Marion. 
 
 44 * I leave Virginia to speak for herself. This is fittingly styled 
 a font. It is constructed after those found in the churches of the 
 Elizabethan age, after which our present edifice is constructed, 
 and was thus spacious because in those days it was the practice 
 to administer baptism by immersion. 
 
 " Immerse the children ! exclaimed the Presbyterian lady; 
 and is it possible that your love of antiquity is to lead to the 
 revival of the custom ? This would be bringing back the dark 
 ages upon us with a witness. 
 
 " The lovely mother here spoke and said : After all, it must 
 be confessed to do so would be very scenical, and if done skilfully, 
 
WHAT IS BAPTISM ? 189 
 
 might become artistically graceful ; though I think the effect on 
 the babies would be rather startling. 
 
 " My dear Marion, do not fear that we shall revive any custom 
 so decidedly inconvenient, though I must confess, I don t see how 
 our ancient practices of the church can be fully restored without 
 so doing, for our Rubric speaks expressly, " that the priest shall 
 dip the child in the water discreetly and warily," and which, I 
 believe, was the primitive custom. 
 
 " * Well, Alice, you shall have it all your own way, replied the 
 Presbyterian lady ; but a drop of water is as much water as a 
 whole ocean. 
 
 " * Ah ! replied the Episcopal lady, but our baptism is "the 
 laver of regeneration, 11 and not the mere affixing of the seal of 
 a covenant, as it is among your dissenters. 
 
 " 4 And yet you owe this change to our example, replied the 
 Presbyterian; but for the determination on this subject by the 
 Westminster Assembly of Divines, you never would have thought 
 of such a change. 
 
 " I do not know when or how the change was introduced, but 
 we have the example of the Romish Church, which, though now 
 schismatical, is still an Apostolic Church, to countenance us. 
 
 " But the Greek Church, said Virginia, is not that too an 
 Apostolic Church ? and the Greek Church have adopted no such 
 custom, and would regard the sprinkling of water no more bap 
 tism, than do our highly respectable and worthy Society of 
 Friends the application of water, a rite prescribed by the Lord 
 Jesus. And yet, the Greeks may be deemed the best judges of 
 what the Greek words import, when they speak of this ordi 
 nance. 
 
 " My dears, said Mrs. Marion, interrupting the disputants, 
 * you seem to be at pins-points in this matter; but what after all 
 is the difference ? what does it all amount to ? whether a child 
 is baptized one way or the other, or baptized at all ? That is a 
 question of some moment. Can you tell me ? 
 
 " Neither of the ladies addressed seemed ready to speak, evi 
 dently waiting for each other to reply. 
 
 * At last the Episcopal lady said As by baptism, duly ad 
 ministered, (and which only is baptism,) our children are trans 
 ferred from " the kingdom of Satan" into " the kingdom of Christ," 
 from being the children of Satan, become " members of Christ," 
 and " inheritors of the kingdom of heaven," their state before 
 baptism must be deemed in the last degree perilous ; what that 
 is, I leave you to infer, my dear Marion, and may the love of your 
 child lead you to an immediate flight to the only ark of safety, 
 
190 PETER SCHLEMIHL. . 
 
 provided by God for your own soul and that of your sweet child, 
 the church of Christ on earth. 1 
 
 " And you, dear Virginia, what do you say ? said the anxious, 
 tender-hearted mother. 
 
 " Baptism, dear Marion, replied the Presbyterian, is the 
 seal of the covenant, which is applied to children of believing 
 parents, who dedicate their children to the Lord in baptism, 
 so bringing them into union with the Church of Christ on 
 earth, and securing them all the blessings promised to Abra 
 ham and his children blessings temporal and spiritual under the 
 dispensation of the ancient church, and spiritual under the Chris 
 tian ; for the promise, says Peter, " is unto you and your children, 
 even as many as the Lord our God shall call." ! 
 
 " * Virginia, you are not quite so specific, nor so denunciatory 
 as Alice, said the mother with a desponding tone ; but what 
 you tell me, is after all not very comforting to a poor sinner, as I 
 know I am ungrateful to God for all His unspeakable mercies, 
 and especially for this most precious boy, whom I love more than 
 life. And here the tears rose to her eyes, as she held up her 
 boy and gazed in his beautiful face, while he, all radiant with 
 smiles, stretched out his little arms toward his mother ; and then 
 clasping him to her bosom, she cried O God, is it so ? Dost 
 thou love my boy the less for my sinfulness ? And she hid her 
 face over her child and was for an instant silent, and then looking 
 up through her tears as bright and buoyant as ever, said : It 
 can t be so ! I don t believe it ! A little water, or much water, 
 can make no such great difference I believe the blessed Saviour 
 is the same yesterday, to-day, and forever and that he loves little 
 children in Heaven, as truly and as tenderly as he did while on 
 earth ; and she walked away with, her baby to where her ser 
 vant stood, to whom she gave it. 
 
 " * See ! said the Episcopal lady, in a tone of severity, see 
 where dissent leads you. Oh, this right of private judgment ! to 
 what schisms and indifference it leads multitudes, who would, but 
 for its fatal tendencies, be gathered in safety and in unity, in the 
 embrace of our divine mother. * 
 
 * The church as a divine mother, is thus spoken of in a sermon of Bishop 
 Hobart s, preached in 1810. 
 
 " Our church has made the most ample provision for the devotions of her 
 members assembled in the congregation, under their authorized ministers. 
 Private associations for devotion for this purpose, she dare not countenance. 
 Among other communities, for aught she knows, they may be harmless ; they 
 may prove edifying. But experience, raising a warning voice in the sad pages 
 of her history, proves that within her bosom, they have been the nurseries of 
 enthusiasm and spiritual pride ; the engines by which ambition, cloaked under 
 
THE ENIGMA OF THE EAGLE SOLVED. 191 
 
 " My dear Alice, replied the Presbyterian, we are not respon 
 sible for the sins or neglects of others; and as to private judg 
 ment what is it but the exercise of your private judgment, 
 which has determined you to be an Episcopalian, rather than a 
 " dissenter" as you please to style us? 
 
 " The young mother now rejoined her friends, and said, Pray 
 don t let us renew that sad controversy over this basin what 
 else is there to see ? 
 
 " One of the young ladies now came up, and asked the young 
 mother to come and see something very strange pointing to 
 a stand on which a prayer book or Bible was supported on the 
 wide-spread wings of a large dark-brown bird, standing on a 
 globe. 
 
 " * Bless me ! exclaimed Mrs. Marion, what does this turkey- 
 buzzard mean ? 
 
 " The cicerone and her companion, and the girls all stood 
 around this wondrous bird, which was certainly nondescript; 
 and for once Mrs. Berkley was in doubt. 
 
 * * It can t be a turkey-buzzard," she said ; it is an eagle ! 
 
 the mantle of extraordinary sanctity, has excited against her sober order, the 
 rage of ignorant fanaticism, and whelmed in ruin her fairest forms." 
 
 The late Reverend Dr. John Mason, in the Christian Magazine, pp. 453 
 455, in a review of this sermon, having quoted this sentence, says : " We 
 stop for breath. This is a frightful picture. Never did we behold such a 
 group of living creatures in so narrow a space. The scene resembles what 
 is fancied by a man in a violent fever. The disordered brain covers the 
 curtains of the sick-bed with living angry forms ; and the patient is terrified 
 at the creatures of his own frenzy. 
 
 "This is a specimen of the eloquence of Dr. Hobart, very unlike the elo 
 quence, however, which the Roman orator recommends. 
 
 " In one sentence, Dr. Hobart presents to our view experience personified, 
 raising a warning voice; pages of history personified, sad and weeping; the 
 church personified as a matron, within her bosom and a capacious bosom this 
 dame must have, for it contains whole nurseries nurseries swarming with 
 very unruly children ; within her bosom, they have been the nurseries of en 
 thusiasm and spiritual pride. These too, are in their turn endowed with life, 
 and committed to the nursery; but they are speedily deprived of animation, 
 and converted into engines. Ambition is personified, in order to employ these 
 engines, and appears cloaked, but not with a cloak, nor yet a surplice, but under 
 a mantle, a mantle too of singular contexture extraordinary sanctity. The 
 order of the church is personified, sober order. Fanaticism is personified; it 
 is ignorant, and angry with this sober order. The two unruly children, spiritual 
 pride and enthusiasm, which were first converted into an engine, and again 
 simplified into stimuli, to produce excitement, are afterwards speedily trans 
 formed into an overflowing flood, which, horrible dictu! whelms in ruin the 
 church s fairest forms! All these personifications and transmutations take 
 place in one short sentence. Everything comes alive from the pen of Dr. 
 Hobart." 
 
192 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " It is the strangest looking eagle I have ever seen, said 
 Marion. 
 
 " What has a bird of prey to do with a book of prayers ? 
 asked Virginia, in a tone which spoke her want of the bump of 
 reverence. 
 
 " The question was a puzzler, and Mrs. Berkley said musingly : 
 
 " No, it can t be an eagle. Oh, I have it ! brightening up 
 as she said it it is a rook ! 
 
 " Very well, replied Virginia, let it be a rook ; what has a 
 rook to do with the prayer book ? 
 
 " My dear Virginia, can you have so soon forgotten the legends 
 of the nursery ? 
 
 " I must confess, replied Virginia, with a good-natured smile, 
 it is some years since I was graduated into the parlor, and I am 
 now completely mystified as to what you allude. 
 
 " * See, said Mrs. Berkley, what a speaking face it has ; you 
 can almost imagine the rook capable of speaking. 
 
 " He has a most speaking face, I must confess, said Mrs. 
 Virginia; but though we read of the dumb ass speaking, I don t 
 remember to have heard of birds talking excepting those of the 
 famous Esopian genus. Do you know, Marion ? turning to the 
 mother of young Master Jeames. 
 
 " No, dear Virginia, I am all in the dark, and as to nursery 
 legends, I never heard of them in the mountains where I was 
 raised. 
 
 " And can you both, said Mrs. Berkley, \vith a tone of triumph, 
 have forgotten the pathetic story of Cock Robin ? If so, here 
 it is 
 
 { And who ll be the priest ? 
 
 I, said the Rook; 
 
 With my little book, 
 
 I ll be the priest! 
 And HERE IS THE ROOK with his little book." 
 
 " * Now, ladies, could anything be more delightful and felicitous 
 than for the Church thus to connect the sweet associations of 
 infancy with the sacred services of piety and of prayer? 
 
 " But I don t know that the rook is of a very reputable family ; 
 do you recollect?* said Mrs. Virginia with all possible pertinacity, 
 determined to have the victory. 
 
 "I do not, replied Mrs. Berkley; but here is Adeline and 
 her friends just out of school. Turning to one of the young 
 ladies My child, you have just been graduated from the Troy 
 Institute, and ought to know everything. Tell us, of what order 
 is the rook? 
 
ORDER OF THE ROOK. 193 
 
 " The young lady, with great sweetness of manner, and in a 
 timid tone, as if repeating a lesson imperfectly memorized, re 
 plied * The Rook, or Corvus frugilegus, is of the order of 
 Omnivora, so styled, says Mudie, because they can eat everything; 
 and some of them prey upon living animals, though generally 
 weak ones, or when they are in an enfeebled state. * 
 
 " Thank you, my dear Adeline, said Mrs. Berkley, as if per 
 fectly satisfied with the reply. 
 
 " The party now walked down the aisle to leave the Church. 
 Marion whispered to Virginia I always thought a crow looked 
 like a priest, and do you know, I think McLeary s theory begins 
 to look probable? I m sure, if it be so, the crows must be of 
 the order of the priests don t you think so? 
 
 " Oh Marion, Virginia replied, laughing, how can you say 
 such wicked things, and in the church too ? Peter followed these 
 ladies out of the church, and saw them take their seats in two 
 beautiful and costly carriages which awaited their coming. The 
 young mother entered the one in which Master Jeames and his 
 nurse were seated, and with a look of joy and pride, took her boy 
 into her lap. The party, duly shut in by their footman, drove up 
 town, leaving Peter, as they rapidly passed out of the reach of his 
 vision, the happier for the society they had unconsciously sup 
 plied him. 
 
 * Mudie on British Birds, vol. i. p. 154. 
 
 13 
 
194 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 The arrest and trial of Peter Schlemihl Peter is arrested by the Star police 
 and carried to the Tombs Conference of the Judges, as to the crime on which 
 he should be tried Astonishment of Rabbi Ben Jarchi, on being told it 
 was libellous to call a Congressman an office-seeker Peter to be held as a 
 vagabond Colonel Bang-bang offers Peter his " unbought" services Case 
 opened by the State s Attorney ; evidence produced ; exceptions taken by 
 Colonel Bang-bang; quarrel between the Rabbi and the Colonel Peter s 
 shadow pinned to the wall Peter is placed against the wall in order to 
 have his profile drawn ; kicks over the Judge and escapes Uproar con 
 sequent thereon Colloquy of the Rabbi and Colonel Bang-bang Notes of 
 the Judges Peter sends to the Babylonian Times the Judges notes, which 
 are read by the Gentleman in Black The Rabbi s leader to the Evening 
 Star, giving an account of the arrest, trial and condemnation of Peter 
 Judge Tomkins Letter to the Bishop of Peach Orchard Necessity of sav 
 ing the Vestal Virgin of the Anglican Church, from the embrace of the 
 " man of sin," and the company of the " scarlet whore" Undertakes to 
 prove " Dissent" to be the " man of sin" His essays on this subject Has 
 received a letter from the Bishop of Green Mountains ; and his remarks 
 thereon Urges upon the Bishop of Peach Orchard the importance of re 
 viving the ancient discipline of flagellation Testimony of Father Ripa ; 
 of Cardinal Damiana ; Abelard Mrs. Smith s remarks and the reply of 
 the Gentleman in Black. 
 
 " FROM the letters of Peter, I learned he was in the habit of 
 taking his walks through the upper part of the city, and as he 
 frequently spoke of the pleasure of meeting with school girls, and 
 the sports of children, I presumed these walks must have taken 
 him into the University Square. I communicated these thoughts 
 to my friends of the Star police, and they were acted upon with 
 unexpected success. Peter was fond of showering down sugared 
 almonds upon the path while these little children were running 
 their romps, or driving their hoops, and looked on with pleasure 
 at the delight with which these fairy gifts were gathered. The 
 police, who were strolling on duty, observed the frequency of this 
 event with suspicion. But Peter s felt made his steps as soft as 
 those of a cat, and he was too wise to be very near any of these 
 worthy guardians of the public peace. For a long while, there 
 fore, they posted themselves on this ground, and stood hid behind 
 
PETER IS ARRESTED BY THE STAR POLICE. 195 
 
 the trees, awaiting any crackling of the grass, or disturbance of 
 the gravel, which might help them to the invisible Peter. 
 
 "A little girl was one day driving her hoop, at the top of her 
 speed, when she stumbled and fell, and hurt her little hands. 
 Peter, forgetting himself, ran and picked her up, and was busily 
 engaged in brushing her clothes, when a Star policeman sprang 
 upon him with a lion s grasp, and cried out at last I ve found you ! 
 Peter was too astonished to say a word. And when he recovered 
 himself, he thought it best to be perfectly silent. 
 
 "The policeman, proud of his success, led Peter down the 
 Broadway of the city, calling to his aid one of his companions, 
 to take the other side of the culprit. When Peter found they 
 were leading him to the Tombs, he began to struggle and fight. 
 The strangeness of such a contest soon attracted the attention of 
 the passers by, and in a moment or two, a multitude of people 
 were on their way toward the Tombs, and running on filled up 
 the Court room almost to suffocation. 
 
 "The Judges were assembled in their private room, adjoining 
 the Court room, when a Star policeman came in and informed 
 them that Peter Schlemihl was arrested, and now on his way to 
 the Tombs. 
 
 "My worthy friend, the celebrated Rabbi Ben Jarchi, was the 
 presiding Magistrate of the Court, to whom I had communi 
 cated my wishes to arrest Peter, as a low fellow, who had been 
 guilty of the greatest ingratitude to me, his best benefactor ; telling 
 him it would be rendering the state some service to apprehend one, 
 who was likely to do no good by being left at liberty. The ex 
 cellent magistrate assured me of his readiness to co-operate with 
 me in this matter, which would be attended with no possible dif 
 ficulty, if he could once be brought before him. And in all this 
 I am sure he was perfectly honest. He knew what it was to be 
 black-balled, and though I don t think he was as sensitive as my 
 self to such annoyances, and would, perhaps, have been perfectly 
 indifferent to have had a column or two of the daily gazettes dis 
 charged in volleys at himself, yet he fully sympathized with me, 
 and said he would gladly abate a nuisance annoying to one, who 
 was so little disposed to be held up for the amusement of the read 
 ing public. During former years, we had often met in society, and 
 I have rarely met a more amiable and excellent man. With his 
 associate, to whom he introduced me, when I called to ask his 
 aid in this matter, I had no acquaintance. He was a formal per 
 son, very rubicund and looking very rubrical. 
 
 "Brother Tomkins inquired of the Rabbi, on what crime 
 will the criminal be indicted? 
 
 " Really, I have not thought of that, replied the Rabbi, but 
 
196 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 such is the opulence of the statutes, I presume we shall be at no 
 loss in this matter; we shall, I think, be able to make out a felony, 
 or misdemeanor of some sort. He has, as you know, knocked 
 overboard the Spaniard, and at the hazard of life ; can t we make 
 that answer ? 
 
 " It would do very well, replied Judge Tomkins, but as it 
 happened on the high seas, I fear it may be ruled as out of our 
 jurisdiction. 
 
 " I think not, replied the Rabbi. By 2d Massachusetts Laws, 
 p. 711, it is provided, "that where a person shall be feloniously 
 stricken, poisoned, or injured on the high seas, and die thereof 
 in any county within the commonwealth, the offender may be 
 indicted and tried in the county where the death shall happen." 
 Now, by a liberal construction of that law, I think we may read 
 it as intending simply this, " where a person shall be stricken on 
 the high seas, the offender shall be tried in the county where he 
 may be caught." 
 
 " I m afraid it won t hold, replied Brother Tomkins. 
 
 " It must hold, replied the Rabbi, for by 1 Dallas, 338, and 
 2 Browne, 251, whatever amounts to a public wrong may be the 
 subject to an indictment. Now, is it not a public wrong to en 
 danger a man s life on the high seas ? Indeed, it is not necessary 
 that there should be actual force or violence to constitute an in 
 dictable offence. Acts, injurious to private persons, which tend 
 to excite violent resentment, and thus produce fighting and dis 
 turbance to the peace of society, are themselves indictable, so 5 
 Binney, Commonwealth v. Taylor. 
 
 " * But see ! said the scrupulous magistrate, 4 we must not put 
 the prisoner where he can find any loop-hole of retreat. This 
 misdemeanor was committed on the high seas ; now, if we rely 
 on that act, we shall certainly lose our game ; we must find some 
 act committed against the sovereignty and laws of Babylon 
 
 " The presiding judge gently inserted his fore-finger under his 
 wig as men do, who, like the Rabbi, wear scratches, which seem 
 to forbid all scratching, and so stimulated the organ of acquisi 
 tiveness, it being more accessible than the organ of benevolence, 
 which, had it been well rubbed, would doubtless have been more 
 fortunate for Peter. 
 
 " That s true, replied the Rabbi ; but misdemeanor is a wide 
 word, and can be applied to any crime for which the law has not 
 provided a particular name : so Hawkins, chap. xl. sect. 2 ; and 
 twill be strange if we can t find something of the sort. 
 
 " It must be something which has been done, 1 * replied Brother 
 Tomkins, the bare intention is not, you know, punishable. 
 
PENALTY AGAINST COINING MONEY. 197 
 
 Now, what has he done since coming into Babylon ? that s the 
 gist of the question. 
 
 " * I think we can hold him on the charge of uttering false coin, 
 knowing it to be such ; for you know, he paid a half guinea to 
 old Gottfried Jahn, for mending his boots ; coin which was never 
 issued from the mint of England. 
 
 " * I don t remember, replied Judge Tomkins, of any statute 
 of the republic relating to frauds in bullion. * 
 
 " And suppose there be none ; I presume the common law can 
 be made to serve upon this occasion. 
 
 " * But, replied the Associate Judge, where is the coin in 
 question? Can that be had ? Will James swear to the identical 
 coin ? 
 
 " The worthy judge was once more gravelled and again rub 
 bed the organ of acquisitiveness, for he had good reasons for be 
 lieving it would be quite a weighty affair for him to make sure of 
 Peter. 
 
 " Well, d n the coin ; I suppose we must give that up, he 
 replied. How will the charge of coining instruments answer? 
 The 8 and 9 William III., chap. xxvi. sect. 1, enacts that "no 
 smith, founder, or other person or persons whatsoever, (other 
 than, and except the persons employed in, and for his Majesty s 
 mint or mints in the town of London or elsewhere, and for the 
 use and service of said mints only, or persons lawfully authorized 
 by the Lords Commissioners of the Treasury, or Lord High 
 Treasurer of England for the time being,) shall knowingly make 
 or mend, or begin to proceed to make or mend, or assist in mak 
 ing or mending any puncheon, counter-puncheon, matrix, stamp, 
 die, pattern, or mould of steel, iron, silver, or other metal or 
 metals, or of sand or fine founder s earth or sand, or of other 
 materials whatsoever, in or upon which there shall be made or 
 impressed, or which will make or impress the figure, stamp, re 
 semblance or similitude of both or either of the sides or flats of 
 any gold or silver coin current within this kingdom; nor shall 
 knowingly make or mend, or begin to make or mend, or assist in 
 making or mending any edger or edging tool, instrument or engine, 
 not of common use in any trade, but contrived for marking of 
 money round the edges with letters, grainings, or other marks or 
 figures resembling those on the edges of money coined in his 
 Majesty s mint, nor any press for coinage, nor any cutting engine 
 for cutting round blanks by force of a screw out of flatted bars of 
 gold, silver, or other metal ; nor shall knowingly buy or sell, hide 
 or conceal, or without lawful authority, or sufficient excuse for 
 
 * There is none Coin of United States protected by Act 21 April, 1806. 
 
108 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 that purpose have in his, her, or their houses, custody, or posses 
 sion, any such puncheon, counter-puncheon, matrix, stamp, die, 
 edger, cutting engine, or other tool or instrument before men 
 tioned ; and every such offender or offenders, their counsellors, 
 procurers, aiders, and abettors, shall be guilty of high treason, 
 and being convicted thereof, shall suffer death, as in case of high 
 treason." There! exclaimed the judge, taking a long breath; 
 1 there s law enough to hang the devil himself. 
 
 "Judge Tomkins, whose wondering looks, as the recitation was 
 going on, testified his astonishment at the fluency and precision of 
 the Rabbi s memory, said It is most surprising, judge, that you 
 should have this law of uttering false coin at your fingers ends ; 
 you seem to have got it by heart. 
 
 " The judge seemed rather restive under the compliment, and 
 said That s not to the purpose. Can we not make that/iw/* in 
 this case ? Has not Peter Schlemihl come within its provisions? 
 Has he not been guilty of having a purse in his possession, by 
 which coin has been made to wear " the resemblance or similitude" 
 of current gold coin of the country? has he not " bought it and 
 hid it about his person without lawful or sufficient excuse," and 
 why may we not hang him as high as Haman of old ? I don t 
 see why ! 
 
 " * I m loth to put any obstacles in the way of one so astute as 
 my learned brother, replied Judge Tomkins, and I will only 
 ask, if we criminate Peter Schlemihl, in what fix shall we place 
 the Gentleman in Black, from whom he obtained this purse, 
 feloniously, it may be said, by giving a shadow in exchange for 
 what all the world will acknowledge was substance? But then, 
 what becomes of him of whom he obtained the purse, and who 
 appears as prosecutor in this case may it not be asked, how did 
 you come in possession of it? If it be treason in Schlemihl to 
 possess, what crime is it to have created, supposing the Gentle 
 man in Black to have been the originator of the celebrated Cord- 
 uan purse in question ? Should we not think of this aspect of 
 the case ? 
 
 " The devil s in it, exclaimed the worthy judge. * Yes! we 
 must give that up. 
 
 " Here one of the police came into the private room of the judge 
 to notify them that the prisoner was now in custody and await 
 ing them in the court room, carefully held by a policeman in the 
 prisoner s box. 
 
 * This is an old French expression found in Spenser, synonyme to Jit 
 exactly, still in use, I believe, in our country. 
 
LAW OF LIBELS. 199 
 
 " Tell him to hold on to him, said the judge, in a voice of 
 thunder, and wait till we are ready to proceed with the trial. 
 
 " It is vexatious, indeed, said the worthy Rabbi, now we ve 
 got the fellow, we can t find out the law to hold him ! Can t 
 you help me in this conjuncture ? 
 
 "I think we must give up the crime of uttering and tendering 
 foreign coin; but, perhaps, we may get a hitch on him on the 
 ground of blasphemy, for if what the Gentleman in Black says of 
 him is true, he has shown a great want of reverence for our Holy 
 Catholic Church in all its apostolical branches, and has uttered 
 words tending to bring into contempt our Liturgy and its most 
 reverend priesthood. Now Starkie has collected a great variety 
 of cases, in his work on Libels, pages 486 to 504, which exhibit 
 all the points which can be made in this matter. Now if, con 
 tinued Mr. Justice Tomkins, if it is libellous to publish "that 
 a member of Congress is a fawning sycophant, or a misrepre- 
 sentative in Congress, and a grovelling office-seeker, that he has 
 abandoned his post, in Congress, to seek office " 
 
 " Libellous to call a member of Congress " a fawning syco 
 phant, and a grovelling office-seeker !" exclaimed the Rabbi. 
 * You astonish me ! I thought I knew what a libel was, but this 
 exceeds all I have ever heard of. And where is it, in this wide 
 spread republic, a libel to say, a member of Congress (the facts 
 being so, and I presume the examples are plenty in and about 
 the Federal City) acts the part of a fawning sycophant, and has 
 become an office-seeker? 
 
 " * The case is sustained to the very letter, replied the asso 
 ciate, and is to be found in 7 Johnson s Rep., 264, Thomas v. 
 Croswell. Now, permit me to go on ; if it be libellous to so speak 
 of facts of such public notoriety, what must it be to defame and 
 calumniate that economy, order, and constitution of things which 
 make up the general system of the law and government of the 
 country ; see Holt on Libels, Book 82. Now, my dear friend, 
 you very well know, a libel may be as well by descriptions and 
 circumlocutions as in express terms; therefore, scandal may be 
 conveyed by allegory or irony amounting to libel. And Russell* 
 gives as an example, " as where a writing, in a taunting manner, 
 reckoning up several acts of public charity done by a person, said 
 You will not play the Jew, nor the hypocrite, and then pro 
 ceeded, in a strain of ridicule, to insinuate that what the person 
 did was owing to vainglory." : 
 
 " But my dear sir, interrupted the Rabbi, don t go all round 
 
 * Russell on Crimes, vol. i. 303. 
 
200 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 Robin Hood s barn ; let s have it. What are your bill of particu 
 lars let s hear that. 
 
 " Why sir, it is said he has been guilty of defaming the Gen 
 tleman in Black, and through him the great doctrines of the Church, 
 by various publications, tending greatly to lessen the claims to 
 universal belief of the greatest of all truths connected with the 
 Christian religion 
 
 " Such as what? said the Judge impatiently. 
 
 " * The doctrine of the Apostolical succession, and the unity of 
 the church, and " 
 
 " Heaven save the mark! exclaimed the Rabbi, and is this 
 all you have to offer and do you think that charge would bear 
 the strain of a spider ? No, my dear friend, the church must take 
 care of itself; we should have the whole press of Babylon, from 
 the " Universe" down to the " Subterranean" out upon us ; and 
 too, I don t think the Gentleman in Black is desirous of the noto 
 riety which this personal charge must give to him. 
 
 "I can t help you, said Judge Tomkins, who was not a little 
 offended at the contempt with which the Church had been treated 
 by the Rabbi. 
 
 " We are in a tight place truly ! said the Rabbi, lifting off his 
 scratch and wiping off the perspiration. 
 
 " The murmurs of the crowd reached him, and the frequent 
 cries of the little men who now made use of their brief authority, 
 and stilled the crowd by those magical cries, s lence the court ! 
 4 Walk light ! steps only known in the halls of Justice, since 
 the beautiful mythology of Greece has ceased to exist. It is a 
 curious fact, that where there is so much light in walking, there 
 should be so much leaden-headed dullness in the favored few who 
 are privileged with seats, especially upon those known as the 
 bench. 
 
 " We must give up, then, all Peter s acts over the seas and on 
 the seas because they are beyond our jurisdiction. Uttering 
 foreign coin, we can t prove for want of the coin so paid away by 
 him. The purse, considered as an instrument for coining, must be 
 given up for the sufficient reasons you have cited and as for 
 scandal, I can t go that. It would be mixing up matters which 
 must be kept separate now what s to be done ? 
 
 "The honest Judge again said he did not know how to 
 help him. 
 
 " Well then, I must help myself, and with this he snatched 
 up an old book, all blackened and soiled by handling, bound in 
 calf, on the cover of which the leather had been cut out with 
 a pen knife, so as to show, somewhat indistinctly, the sacred sym 
 bol of the cross: showing that the only use which had been made 
 
201 
 
 of the book, was the administration of oaths as occasions required. 
 With the desperation of a man at his wits end, the Rabbi opened at 
 the five books of Moses. 
 
 " I remember a case in point, in the Jerusalem Talmud, Vol. 
 xvi. p. 896, on this text, pointing to the llth verse of xviii. 
 chapter of Deuteronomy, and I will send for it, that you may 
 see it. 
 
 44 * You may do as you please, said the associate Judge, very 
 grumly, but I think though, your authority would do better in 
 a synagogue than in a court of justice. 
 
 " Yes! yes, that is true. And he took up the statutes, and 
 ran over the Index of crimes ; and read in passing, the laws which 
 seemed to ofler a hope of good and sufficient cause for arrest 
 looking at his associate for his opinion on each, as he read each 
 item. 
 
 " Here is the chapter " of incorrigible rogues," what say you 
 to that? The associate Judge shook his head 4 of burglary? 
 can t we make a burglar of him? another shake of house- 
 breaking? how will that do? shake third of larceny? larceny! 
 no ! that won t do. Shake fourth 4 of receiving stolen goods ? 
 nor that ! of falsely personating another ? 
 
 " I think we must make something out of this, said the 
 Rabbi. 
 
 " And who does he personate but himself? said the associate. 
 
 44 But he don t personate himself. There s the falsity of the 
 act. He walks about unseen, spying into everybody s windows, 
 and must be deemed a spy, and hung up as such, said the Rabbi, 
 now really furious with the delay ; and in this the crowd seemed 
 fully to participate, from the noises which reached the Rabbi s 
 ears. 
 
 44 Perhaps, said the associate, dryly, we might make it do, 
 if we could determine where he was born. But I think there 
 will be no question of his being a vagabond ; and as such should 
 be taken care of. 
 
 " 4 Vagabond it shall be ! cried the Rabbi, and taking up their 
 portfolios under their arms, they walked with all possible gravity 
 into the Court, amid the cries of s lence the Court, walk light ! 
 and took their seats, opened their portfolios with all that gravity 
 and decorum, which the Honorable Judges know so well how to 
 wear on all solemn occasions. 
 
 " The clerk read the warrant, and the Rabbi called upon the 
 invisible Peter to say, guilty or not guilty ! Peter believed it 
 best to say nothing. The question was repeated ; no reply. 
 4 Sirrah ! said the Rabbi, in a tone, which had often made evil 
 doers tremble, and a look toward the apparently empty prisoner s 
 
202 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 box you shall be sent to prison for contempt of Court. An 
 swer, are you guilty or not guilty ? 
 
 "But poor Peter thought discretion would be the better part of 
 valor, and that if he said nothing, nothing could be said of him, 
 so he persisted in his silence and here was a puzzler, and while 
 the wise heads were pondering the difficulty, and what steps to 
 take, the question was determined by the love of mischief in an 
 Irishman, who felt over, and placing his hand on Peter s head, 
 gave him a heavy pull, which brought out the exclamation, 
 Oh! The Rabbi instantly lifted up his head, and said, he 
 pleads not guilty, let the trial proceed ; and asked Peter if he 
 had counsel to defend him. 
 
 " Here that distinguished and eloquent advocate of the cause of 
 the people against the oppressions of law of all sorts, and so 
 ciety in all its phases, Colonel Bang-bang, came forward, and 
 claimed the privilege of defending his friend Peter Von Schle- 
 mihl, Esquire, whom he had long known by reputation, and to 
 whom he was proud to offer his unbought services. May it 
 please your honors, unbought by the miserable gains of insa 
 tiable wealth, wealth which has been won at the cost of the tears 
 of the orphan, the sighs of the widow, and 
 
 " Stop ! Colonel Bang-bang, if you please. All this eloquence 
 is uncalled for. The culprit is charged as being a vagabond, and 
 when the evidence is offered you will be heard, if Schlemihl 
 wishes your aid 
 
 "I do, said Peter, and, thank God, I am not left desolate in 
 the midst of the merciless wolves around me. 
 
 " Who do you mean by wolves ? said one in the crowd. 
 
 " Peter saw his mistake in losing the sympathy of the crowd, 
 and cried out These land pirates the star-police! 
 
 " Damn the " stars !" pirates ! Yes! that s your sort, cried 
 out several voices. 
 
 " S lence the court! was now cried out by all the func 
 tionaries." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black proceeded " My counsel, the state- 
 attorney, was sent for and came in at this point of time, with 
 all the documents I had placed in his hands telling him all I 
 wanted was a commitment, so that if I could but lay my hands 
 on him, all would be attained. 
 
 "In compliance with these instructions, his path was a very 
 plain one. He asked to see the commitment, and having seen the 
 crime charged upon Peter, addressed the court; and said, as is 
 usual, I believe, 
 
 " His very highly reputable friend, the Gentleman in Black, 
 has felt the strongest repugnance in permitting any of the 
 
OPENING SPEECH OF THE STATE S ATTORNEY. 203 
 
 abundant proof possessed by him to be produced in court in this 
 prosecution. He had been induced, however, by a sense of duty 
 to the state, and the rights and privileges of society, to furnish the 
 court good and sufficient evidence that the prisoner at the bar was 
 the notorious Peter Schlemihl a man who has been wandering 
 up and down the various countries of Europe, in different shapes 
 and disguises ; holding up his highly respected friend, the Gen 
 tleman in Black, as his greatest enemy, and who has defrauded 
 him of his shadow, for which he acknowledges he received an 
 invaluable purse. Such an exchange, I venture to affirm, no sane 
 man would make, and which I don t believe any twelve men in 
 Babylon can be found to credit as possible a shadow for a purse 
 inexhaustible as the mines of Mexico! And his falsehoods, too, 
 have not rested there. He has attempted to satisfy men that he 
 lost his shadow by sleeping on the ground, during a long winter s 
 night, in Russia, and on waking, his shadow was fastened to the 
 snow, and he never could recover it. This tale he affirmed to 
 Chamisso, his friend, and it has been told in every capital on the 
 continent. Now here is a lie direct. If he had lost his shadow 
 in Russia, he could not have sold it for the purse on the terms 
 stated by him. I mention this contradiction only to invalidate 
 his testimony before this highly respectable assembly of my 
 friends and fellow citizens, said the attorney, bowing to the crowd, 
 whose sympathies must ever be with the generous and the 
 noble, and who can have no sympathy with blackguards and 
 vagabonds. 
 
 " * To the divil wid him, cried out a real son of St. Patrick. 
 
 " S lence court ! cried the man with a long pole, gilt at the end. 
 
 " * Silence ! reiterated the Rabbi. 
 
 " May it please your honors ! I have in my pocket the verita 
 ble shadow of the vagabond and purse-taker, now in the custody 
 of the court. A most miserable shadow, which my noble friend, 
 the Gentleman in Black, took as a pledge for the safe-keeping and 
 return of the Corduan purse, which he had the kindness to loan 
 to the culprit, the vagabond now before you, for a few days only, 
 to help him in his extreme poverty. 
 
 " And what has this vagabond been doing? May it please your 
 honors, his ingratitude is immense. The vast wealth which he 
 has possessed himself of, has been expended in every town and 
 City of Europe, Asia, Africa, and America and he has had the 
 astonishing skill, by some unknown process, to render himself 
 invisible, and so elude the pursuit of justice ; and has recently 
 reached our city, where he has been wandering up and down, 
 having no known place of abode, nor any acknowledged and fit 
 ting mode of obtaining a livelihood. He is charged with being a 
 
204 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 vagabond to that charge I shall confine myself. It is certainly 
 treating the prisoner with most surprising lenity to inflict on him 
 no greater punishment. It is, therefore, may it please your 
 honors ! unnecessary for me to prove anything beyond the in 
 dictment, and it by no means follows, that it is necessary to prove 
 the offence charged in the indictment to the whole extent laid : 
 for it is fully settled, that in criminal cases, it is sufficient for the 
 prosecutor to prove so much of the charge as constitutes an of 
 fence punishable by law. This distinction is made by Lord El- 
 lenborough, in the case of Rex v. Hunt. 
 
 " * The volume and page ! said the Court, making the memo 
 randum, as though they meant to sift the law carefully. 
 
 " The learned judges, indeed, both showed that they were not 
 the men who do nothing for their money but to sit back upon 
 their cushioned seats, arid pick their teeth as so many learned 
 judges are wont to do ; but had at once, on taking their seats, 
 been hard at work ; especially was this true of the associate 
 judge, who never took the least interest in the trial, unless he was 
 taking notes all the while ; and of course it was believed by all 
 he was so, as well as the Rabbi ; but Peter Schlemihl address 
 ed a letter to the Babylonian Times and transmitted what he 
 assures the public were the veritable notes of these judges ; and 
 as they caused no little stir at the time, I have preserved the paper 
 in which Peter s communication appeared, which I will read to 
 you, madam, so soon as I get through his trial. I will now, 
 therefore, proceed." 
 
 " I thank you, sir, and beg you will," replied Mrs. Smith ; 
 " I am deeply interested in the fate of poor Peter Schlemihl." 
 
 " The attorney bowed, and referred to his brief You will 
 find it in 2 Campbell, 585.* " This distinction," says this very 
 eminent jurist, with whose character, and the value to be placed 
 on his opinions, I have no need to speak before your honors, 
 " runs through the whole criminal law, and it is invariably 
 enough to prove so much of the indictment as shows that the de 
 fendant has committed a substantive crime therein specified ;" and 
 should any variance appear between the indictment and the evi 
 dence, which in the singularity of this case, may chance to ap 
 pear, there would be no material variance between the indictment 
 and the evidence adduced in support of it : and on this point I 
 have to refer you to the rule laid down in 1 East, Pleas of the 
 Crown, chap. v. sect. 115, p. 145, if your honors desire to look 
 it up : " That a variance between the indictment and the evidence 
 
 * Should any of my readers be curious, they will find all the citations in 
 this trial made according to authorities. 
 
COLONEL BANG-BANG. 205 
 
 is not material, provided the substance be found." With these 
 remarks, I will now proceed with the evidence which may be 
 necessary to show to your honors, that the culprit before you, is 
 indeed, and in fact, the veritable Peter Schlemihl. 
 
 " * Before the trial proceeds, said Colonel Bang-bang, I wish 
 to confer with my client, and ask leave to withdraw with him to 
 the judges room. 
 
 " * It can t be done, said the Rabbi; he must not be trusted 
 out of the prisoner s box. If you want to speak with him, you 
 must do it here. Stand back from the box and let Colonel Bang- 
 bang confer with the prisoner. 
 
 " The colonel came to Peter, while the police officers stood as 
 far back as the crowd would permit, and applying his voice to 
 Peter s ear, whispered 
 
 " * How much money have you got ? 
 
 " Alas ! replied Peter, I am as poor as a church mouse. 
 
 " 4 Where s all the money you have shaken out of the bag ; 
 surely you havn t been such a fool as not to have a hoard of it 
 somewhere? 
 
 " Indeed it is so ; I spent it as I wanted it, and gave it away 
 to those who needed it ; and I had no chance to hoard any of it. 
 
 " What a fool you must be, replied the colonel ; and so 
 when you lost your purse, you lost your all ? 
 
 " * Yes ! that is it. 
 
 " * And how do you suppose I can live, unless I m paid for my 
 services. Can t you fork out a V ? 
 
 " What is that? inquired Peter. 
 
 " A five dollar bill, said the colonel; that s the least fee I 
 can take for my services. 
 
 " I ve got a half eagle in my pocket, said Peter, * but tis all 
 I have. 
 
 " * Well, since it must be so, replied the colonel, I must take 
 it. What about this shadow, is it yours ? 
 
 " Yes ! replied Peter. 
 
 " Well, the case is a bad one ; but we will make the best of it. 
 
 " The trial must proceed, said the Rabbi, in his loudest tones. 
 
 " * We are ready, sir, said the colonel in a confident tone, as 
 though Peter had given him all the means to repel the charge. 
 
 "The learned attorney for the prosecution went on May it 
 please your honors, I am aware of the extreme difficulty of prov 
 ing the identity of one, who has doubtless, by some diabolical 
 arts, made himself invisible; but I hope to do it satisfactorily. 
 I shall produce his letters, written to his sister, showing you 
 that he is leading the life of a vagabond, and further, that the 
 letters so written are the handwriting of the prisoner now in the 
 
206 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 custody of the court. And with the consent of the court, I will 
 begin at the end. 
 
 " A strange beginning, by St. Patrick, cried out an Irishman. 
 
 " S lence court ! cried out the man with the pole. 
 
 " Walk light, cried out another. 
 
 " The attorney smiled very graciously at the commotion made 
 by his Irish friend, and begged the court to call as witness in the 
 case, Gottfried Jahn. He was called and took the stand. 
 
 " * What do you know of the prisoner at the bar ? said the at 
 torney. 
 
 " I don t know any ding ov de brisoner, replied the old Ger 
 man. 
 
 " What do you know of Peter Schlemihl, then ? asked the 
 Rabbi. 
 
 " Von night, as I was closing mein shopt, a bair of boots vas 
 drown down mein steps, and dis letter, which condained a half 
 guinea, vich I spend next day. Here he handed the note to the 
 clerk, who at the direction of the judge read it. 
 
 " Monday night. 
 
 " Mr. Jahn : Please put on the very best pair of English soles 
 on these boots, and at eleven o clock to-morrow night, stand with 
 them in your hand at the top of your steps, and they will be 
 taken out of your hands, by one who shall say to you, "It is 
 well ;" and oblige, 
 
 " * PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " And what did you do with the boots ? said the Rabbi. 
 
 " Veil sir, on Monday I but on de soles meinself, and but 
 dem on de counter, and dat night dey vere stolen by a pad poy 
 who vas my abbrendice, and I never saw dem more. 
 
 " How did you satisfy Peter Schlemihl, sir ? asked the Rabbi. 
 
 " Vy, de next night, I took one of my best bair of boots of de 
 same measure, and as I stood dere vaiting for de man, somepody 
 took de boots out of my hand, and said, "it ish well," and before 
 I could say a vord to him, he was gone. 
 
 " * Did you see the man ? asked the advocate. 
 
 " No sir, I never seed him at all, so I shouldn t know him 
 from Adam. 
 
 " Very well, said the attorney, that is enough. Now may 
 it please your honors, I will place before you some of Peter s 
 letters, and by a comparison of the very peculiar handwriting, 
 you will see- that the same hand wrote this note and these letters. 
 
 The letters were handed up and compared, to the entire satis 
 faction of their honors, who replied, this point was made out per 
 fectly. The letters were then read, and the fact of his vagrant 
 
207 
 
 life was equally well sustained. Nothing was left, but to show 
 the identity of the prisoner with the shadow, which was now un 
 rolled, to the wonder of the populace. The attorney shook it 
 out, and held it up so all might see. 
 
 " And what do you mean to make of that? asked the colonel. 
 
 " That we shall see by and by, replied the attorney. 
 
 " May it please your honors, said the colonel, I object to 
 the evidence just offered, as being in no way conclusive in any 
 particular, and before any further evidence is offered, I wish to 
 offer my exceptions. 
 
 " Let these exceptions wait awhile, said the attorney, till all 
 the proof is adduced. 
 
 " I shall do no such thing, replied the colonel. My client 
 has rights, and he has committed them to my care, and I demand 
 the privilege of excepting to evidence I deem pointless, and not 
 worth a straw in any court of Christendom. 
 
 " You make your assertions very confidently, said the Rabbi. 
 What are your exceptions; to me the chain of evidence is very 
 clear. 
 
 " May it please your honors, said the colonel, evidently ad 
 dressing himself to the work as one well acquainted with his 
 business, I presume this is a Court of Justice, in this great city 
 of Babylon the Less, and that your honors have no blinders on 
 your eyes, to prevent your seeing both sides of this question. 
 
 " Put a bridle on your tongue, colonel, said the Rabbi, or 
 you will find your way through that door, pointing to a door 
 leading to the prison. 
 
 " I know all the ins and^outs of this building, may it please 
 your honors ; and I shall keep within the bar of my privileges, 
 and no threats shall deter me from discharging my duties to my 
 client in my accustomed outright and downright, and (bowing to 
 the judges) I hope I may be permitted to say, my upright man 
 ner. What, then, are the facts in this case? a poor unfortunate 
 man, bereft of his shadow, flies from his persecutor in the old 
 world, and seeks safety in this asylum of the oppressed. And 
 who, my friends and fellow-citizens, ever heard of the like ; a 
 man so persecuted as is my friend and client, Peter Schlemihl? 
 After, by his own confession, robbing him of his purse, the Gen 
 tleman in Black now seeks to rob him of his reputation. 
 
 " Who steals my purse, steals trash ; tis something, nothing ; 
 Twas mine, tis his, and has been slave to thousands ; 
 But he, that filches from me my good name, 
 Robs me of that, which not enriches him, 
 And makes me poor indeed." 
 
 " Garrick could not have made the recitation better than the 
 
208 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 colonel. His air at the close was the personification of despond 
 ency and despair. 
 
 " But, continued the colonel, how does this evidence attach 
 itself to my client? Here are letters written, said to be written 
 by him, but who is here to prove it? 
 
 " May it please your honors, said the attorney, I beg to be 
 permitted to say one word at this point of my brother s remarks, 
 and beg his pardon for the interruption, bowing to the colonel. 
 
 " Go on, said the colonel, the truth can bear the test of 
 time. 
 
 " The attorney bowed very graciously to the colonel, and turn 
 ing to the judges, said Your honors will find, by a reference to 
 Gilbert on Evidence, p. 142, that presumptive proofs are ruled 
 to stand good till the contrary is proved. Now I undertake to 
 say, that the evidence I have offered and shall offer, meet all the 
 demands of Coke upon Littleton, Book vi., as being violent, pro 
 bable and light. Now I need not remind your honors, that in 
 all such dark transactions as those in which the prisoner is en 
 gaged, from the very secret manner in which guilty actions are 
 generally done, it is seldom possible to give direct evidence of 
 the offences charged. And in 1 Phillips, 155, it is held, that there 
 is no difference between civil and criminal cases, with reference 
 to the modes of proof by direct and circumstantial evidence, except 
 in the former; the civil, (I beg to call your honors attention to this 
 point,) where civil rights are ascertained, a less degree of proba 
 bility may safely be adopted as a ground of judgment. Now the 
 indictment is on the mere charge of vagrancy ; hardly a crime, and, 
 therefore, this liberality of construction and application, I pre 
 sume, your honors will apply to the case in hand. 
 
 " * Certainly, said the Rabbi, nothing more proper. 
 
 " Really, replied the colonel, * all that my brother says seems 
 to have the force of Gospel truth. I shan t cite learned authority to 
 prove facts as plain as the nose your honor (bowing to the Rabbi) 
 has the happiness of being possessed of. 1 
 
 " I shall allow no personal reflections upon myself, said the 
 Rabbi, sternly. 
 
 " Well, your honor, if you don t feel assured as to your own 
 nose, I think there s no one but yourself that does not know it 
 to be a fixed fact. 
 
 " Go on, sir ! cried out the Rabbi. 
 
 " I will, may it please your honors I will go on to say, I 
 shan t cite Newton, nor Laplace, nor even Doctor Bowdich, to 
 prove that the sun shines. Nor will I presume to disgrace the 
 court by telling them where they will find the authorities for the 
 axiom in law of evidence, in criminal as well as in civil proceed- 
 
209 
 
 ings, for the counsel for the prosecution does not seem to know 
 which he will call it, that " he who affirms a fact has to prove 
 it ;" nor that other axiom of law, " my client is to be considered 
 innocent till he is proved guilty ;" or that other rule, " that the 
 facts proved must be strictly relevant to the particular charge, 
 and have no reference to any conduct of the prisoner unconnected 
 with such charge." And still further, " that the admission by 
 the prisoner even, that he had committed such an offence at an 
 other time, and with another person, and that he has a tendency 
 to such practices, ought not to be received." 
 
 " Your authority, if you please/ said the Rabbi. 
 
 " * If the court needs law for such plain obvious truths, I would 
 respectfully recommend them to take the first culprit they can 
 find, and put him in the seat now so inadequately filled. 
 
 " I will order your arrest instantly, if you again address the 
 court in this style, cried the presiding judge in a towering pas 
 sion. 
 
 " The colonel was as cool and as calm as a summer s morn 
 ing. I had supposed, said he, bowing to his honor, that you 
 held to the doctrine of reform and rotation in office ; and I have 
 seen men who have had the agreeable occupation of tying slip 
 knots under the ears of culprits, whose turn for such a sublime 
 eminence ought, by this time, to be attained. 
 
 " You are enough to provoke a saint, said the Rabbi, in a 
 tone of extreme impatience. 
 
 " I beg your honor s pardon, replied the colonel, with the 
 greatest gravity ; * but I was not aware that the rare felicity ac 
 corded, I believe, through mistake (of being canonized while yet 
 alive), to St. John Nepomecun had been conferred upon your 
 honor. I trust, if your honor has already attained the beatitude 
 of canonization, there s no such mistake in a matter of such vast 
 importance. 
 
 " I must insist on your ceasing your banter, and go on with 
 your reasons for excepting to the evidence already before the 
 court, replied the judge. 
 
 " Most willingly, your honors ; I have further to say, you 
 want authority for my law. Well, I can quote law sometimes, 
 as well as my learned brother, though, I must confess, the best 
 of all law is the law of common sense and common honesty ; 
 very rare, bowing lowly to the bench, I am well aware, in all 
 courts of justice, "falsely so called." In the positions taken 
 by me, I then beg leave to refer you to Rex v. Cole, Michaelmas 
 Term, 1810, see 1 Phillips, 170; and, also, Viney v. Barss, 
 1 Espinasse s Reports, 292. See, also, Balcetti v. Serani, Peake s 
 14 
 
210 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 Nisi Prius, 141 ; Graft v. Bertee, Peake s Evidence, 104. Will 
 that do ? 
 
 " All sufficient, said the judge ; please proceed. 
 
 " And, may it please the court, continued the colonel, I have 
 one word to say as to the evidence of handwriting, on which the 
 state s attorney relies so confidently. Who is to prove the prisoner 
 at the bar ever saw them ? and how will the prosecutor show that 
 the prisoner is the Peter Schlemihl, whose shadow has been pa 
 raded like an old silk apron to the wonderment of the free and 
 enlightened citizens of Babylon, here present? 
 
 " If the colonel will make a finish, said the state s attorney, 
 we will soon show him how this is to be done. 
 
 " All in good time, replied the colonel. Now I wish to re 
 fer the court to an extreme case, which shows what all these let 
 ters are worth in the work of convicting my client. In the case 
 of Hardy your honors will find it in 24 How s State Trials, p. 
 452 certain writings of his were found in the possession of his 
 accomplices, but were not allowed to be read against him, unless 
 there was evidence to show their existence in his possession at 
 the times they were so affirmed to be of his writing. Now how 
 is all this to be shown ? I deny all that has yet been offered, and 
 offer these as my exceptions. 
 
 " The district attorney then proceeded to say, I don t mean to 
 trespass on the time of the court further, in any reply to what my 
 learned brother has said. I submit the case so far as already 
 presented, and will now beg the court to permit me to show that 
 the shadow I hold in my hand belongs to the well-known Peter 
 Schlemihl. 
 
 " So saying, the district attorney entered the space behind the 
 judges, and pinned the shadow very smoothly against the wall. 
 This done, he produced a long lead pencil, and requested the 
 prisoner to be placed against the wall, that his profile and 
 shadow might be thus drawn on the wall, so that a comparison 
 could be instituted. 
 
 " Peter was led into the space and placed against the wall, 
 and the attorney began drawing the profile, and when the pencil 
 reached his mouth, he bit hold of it with his teeth, and held it 
 fast. His honor, the associate judge, came to the help of the 
 attorney, and Peter thinking his only hope for escape had come, 
 gave his honor a kick in the belly, remarkable for its graceful 
 curves and expansive waistband, which at once took his breath 
 away and laid him lifeless. The Rabbi ran to raise him, and 
 Peter, by a dextrous grab pulled off his scratch, and threw it into 
 his honor s face, blinding him with the dust from his wig, and 
 with a back-handed blow, sent the state s attorney reeling, and 
 
PETER ESCAPES. 211 
 
 having thus disposed of the court, in some unknown way es 
 caped. 
 
 " In an instant all was an uproar in the court room. 
 
 " * Seize him ! vociferated the Rabbi. 
 
 " Fair play is a jewel, cried the Irishman, let s have a fair 
 fight. 
 
 " The crowd, frightened lest they should be engaged in a melee, 
 rushed out of the room. The policemen were groping about, 
 seizing first this man and then that, and receiving blows from all 
 sides. 
 
 " Give him a fair chance, fellow-citizens, cried the colonel, 
 and the search was greatly impeded by the state of the public 
 mind, which seemed panic-stricken for fear that the invisible Peter 
 would make them the examples of his powers. 
 
 " In the meanwhile the search was made behind the judges, 
 seat, but this was no little impeded by the anxiety for his honor, 
 the associate judge, who as yet gave no signs of life. 
 
 " Send for the Doctor ! was the cry behind the bench. 
 
 " Don t press here. 
 
 " * More air ! more air ! 
 
 " The court room was now cleared of all but a few who re 
 mained by the lifeless judge. The Doctor came, and the eyes of 
 the judge opened with a vacant stare. Gasping for breath, he was 
 at last restored, and able to be put into a hack and sent home. 
 In bearing him to the carriage, the Rabbi helped in this labor of 
 love, and on turning round, saw the colonel standing with his 
 hands in his pockets in a musing posture, as though he was think 
 ing deeply. 
 
 " 4 What a jackass you have made of yourself, Bang-bang! was 
 the very awakening address made by the Rabbi to the colonel. 
 
 " * The rascal ! said the colonel, * he s off and defrauded me of 
 my fee. 
 
 " What could have induced you to act the Marplot in this 
 affair? said the Rabbi. 
 
 " * If the Gentleman in Black had had a thimble full of respect 
 for my talents, or of his own interests, replied the colonel, he 
 would have retained me ; but he will learn a lesson which, I hope, 
 will be equally valuable to him, as to myself. 
 
 " And so ended, madam, the arrest and escape of Peter, and 
 from that time to this, I have heard nothing of him." 
 
 " Poor Peter!" said Mrs. Smith, "I sincerely pity him, and beg 
 you will pardon him ; I m sure he is every way to be pitied." 
 
 "Pardon! madam, pardon! is with me an unparliamentary 
 word. His only safety is in keeping out of my way. To be 
 outwitted would be both dangerous and dishonorable to me, and 
 
212 PBTER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 would set an example which others might seek to follow. It is, 
 therefore, not less a matter of pride than necessity for me to con 
 tinue my pursuit of him. No, madam, I must have the body ; I 
 have never yet taken the shadow for the substance. 
 
 " Soon after this arrest and trial," continued the Gentleman in 
 Black, " there appeared the communication of which I have told 
 you in the Babylonian * Times, purporting to have been written 
 by our Peter, and as it afforded some amusement at the time, 
 and appears probable to have come from him, I have carefully 
 preserved a copy of the article, which, if you should be pleased 
 to hear it, I will read to you." 
 
 " By all means," said Mrs. Smith ; " I feel deeply concerned 
 to know all you can tell me of this most unhappy wight." 
 
 " I have no sympathy for him, madam ; but if it will please you 
 to hear his own story, I will read you the article." The Gentle 
 man in Black took from his pocket the paper in question, which 
 was tied up carefully with a bundle of Peter s letters ; and read 
 the article as follows : 
 
 " To the Babylonian Times. 
 
 " Messrs. EDITORS: The public have been advised of the 
 arrest and trial of Peter Schlemihl, and of his escape. I shall not 
 recount the grounds of my arrest, nor the course adopted for my 
 conviction. With these the public are already informed. But I 
 wish to place before your readers the notes of the judges, which, 
 as they were matters of special interest to me, I ventured to take 
 up and put in my pocket, in my way out of the hall. I presume 
 every person present, as well as myself, from the assiduity with 
 which the judges plied their pens, believed that they were mak 
 ing notes of the arguments of the counsel. They may be as 
 much surprised, as I must confess I was, on reading the following, 
 which is copied with all exactness from the notes now in my 
 possession. The notes of the Rabbi Ben Jarchi, shows the hope 
 lessness of my case, though defended by the admirable Col. Bang- 
 bang, to whom I beg to make my acknowledgments ; and I am 
 sure the method adopted by me of effecting my escape will be 
 pardoned by the public, whose sympathies must be enlisted on 
 the side of their unfortunate friend and well-wisher, 
 
 "PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 "The notes of the venerable Rabbi read as follows: Court 
 Record. 
 
 ARREST, TRIAL AND CONDEMNATION OF PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " We were present yesterday in the courtroom, and witnessed 
 the arraignment of the notorious PETER SCHLEMIHL, of whom our 
 
BEN JARCHl s ARTICLE ON ARREST OF PETER. 213 
 
 readers have doubtless heard, as having sold himself, or his 
 shadow, or both, to a certain Gentleman in Black, whom he 
 wickedly, and most maliciously dares to say, is the very distin 
 guished financier, whose operations have been so extensively 
 known in Change Alley, and whose character stands before the 
 moneyed world in such strong lights, showing himself the very 
 personification of honor and of fair business transactions; a gen 
 tleman whom he has libelled in every country of Europe, as 
 being his chief enemy; by whom, he affirms, he has been basely 
 defrauded of his shadow. 
 
 " In a city where the Gentleman in Black is so well known, 
 and among a commercial community, where he is so well appre 
 ciated, we need say nothing in reply to the thousand libels which 
 have been so industriously and widely circulated by the vagabond 
 in question. 
 
 " The fact of the arrival of this well-known Peter, was com 
 municated to the police more than a year since; but the difficulty 
 of tracing a man who, by some compact with Satan, had disposed 
 of his visibility, has made the pursuit one of extreme difficulty. 
 But though it would seem all but impossible, thanks to our un 
 surpassed and unwearied star-police, they have at last laid their 
 hands upon him. 
 
 " * We presume there are but few families who have not been 
 visited by this miscreant and vagabond, though utterly unconscious 
 of his presence. They will now be able to solve many enigmas, 
 heretofore especially perplexing and sometimes distressing. We 
 have been aware of the source of the disquietudes which have 
 been so constantly expressed in every section and circle of our 
 city. Gentlemen boarders especially, in innumerable instances, 
 having opened a bottle or two of O. L. P. Madeira, and drank 
 some two or three glasses only, and carefully corked and set these 
 bottles in side-boards, locked with patent keys, to their surprise 
 and painful astonishment, on opening these closets, and handling 
 these same bottles, have discovered that there had been a most 
 mysterious disappearance of their contents a mere taste or so, 
 of wine at the bottom of a bottle, which the day before was all 
 but full! The impossibility of accounting for the phenomenon, 
 has induced the Babylonian Society of Arts and Sciences to turn 
 their attention to this subject, and they have had read and print 
 ed various very curious papers upon spontaneous absorption, 
 while the Philosophical Academy have traced this phenomenon 
 to the rarefaction of the atmosphere, and have proceeded to show 
 by strictest research and analysis, why this phenomenon is so 
 common to private rooms in hotels and boarding-houses. And 
 
214 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 though there is no reason to question the scientific results of these 
 papers, nor that such is the law of the disappearance of liquids 
 of peculiar descriptions under such circumstances ; yet there were 
 still other phenomena which remained unsolved. Professor 
 Maybe s paper, read before the Academy, we deem one of the 
 finest examples of reproductive chemical power, or of qualitative 
 and quantitative analysis. We may be permitted here to state, 
 in passing, that the professor has obtained, (by a process as yet 
 secret, but which we are assured is perfectly simple and readily 
 applied,) from four cubic feet of atmospheric air, taken out of 
 Florence s Saloon, three drops of brandy, one of sherry-cobbler, 
 and one of O. L. P. Madeira, each in its normal state ; and he 
 confidently expects to be able to condense the atmospheres of 
 Salles a manger, so as to return to the bar the liquors in the exact 
 conditions in which they were taken into the system. We can 
 hardly conceive of any discovery more important to the Baby 
 lonians than this of Professor Maybe s. 
 
 " But to return to the subject of our article. 
 
 " The class of unresolved and carefully observed phenomena 
 are so various, that we are at a loss how to enumerate them. For 
 example, a beef s tongue which had just been cut into, \vith a bag 
 of crackers, placed on the same shelf with the wine we have al 
 ready spoken of, has been known to disappear under such circum 
 stances as to render it all but impossible to have been the work of 
 any other than that of a thief and yet this, under the condition of 
 the case and character of the lady of the house and of her servants, 
 was beyond all question. Nor was this all, letters the most confi 
 dential in their character have been in some cases stolen ; in other 
 cases, these missives have been evidently taken out and read by 
 some person unknown and replaced in the wrong envelops ; and 
 secrets of the most momentous character have been by some 
 means altogether inscrutable, communicated through a wide circle 
 of friends to the greatest possible injury of the parties concerned. 
 And so frequent have been occurrences of this kind, especially in 
 the upper circles of our great city, that the attention of the police 
 has been repeatedly called to the facts, and their utmost vigi 
 lance has been awakened, and tasked to discover the culprit, who 
 has been the cause of all these inquietudes. We could state facts 
 illustrative of the serious troubles which have arisen in some cir 
 cles from the untoward discoveries we have hinted at; but we 
 presume enough has been said to awaken the public mind to the 
 interest they will naturally feel in the promulgation of the startling 
 announcement, that the culprit has been caught Peter Schlemihl 
 has been arrested ! Justice has at last taken him in hand, and he 
 was brought before the honorable court of Justice, now in session 
 
JUDGE TOMKINS NOTES. 215 
 
 at the court of the Tombs, on yesterday between the hours of ten 
 and eleven o clock. 
 
 " Their honors, Rabbi Ben Jarchi, presiding, and the Honor 
 able Justice Tomkins, associate judge, took their seats at 11 
 o clock precisely, when the prisoner was arraigned on the charge 
 of being a vagabond. To which, as might have been expected, 
 he pleaded " Not Guilty." The case was opened with great clear 
 ness and force of argument by the state s attorney, and the pri 
 soner was defended with more than his accustomed ability by 
 Colonel Bang-bang. The facts were fully proved, and the charge 
 brought home upon the prisoner at the bar, without a shadow of 
 doubt, and after consultation on the part of the judges, and having 
 compared notes, they agreed in sending the prisoner to the Tombs 
 for one year close confinement. We presume he will be safely 
 lodged, and we understand from private sources that the distin 
 guished financier who has been so often struck at by the culprit, 
 designs to take him in hand so soon as the term of his present 
 imprisonment shall expire. FIAT JUSTITIA. 
 
 1 JUDGE TOMKINS NOTES. 
 
 " St. Bartholomew s Day. 
 " To my Dear Friend, 
 
 " t GEORGE, Bishop of Peach Orchard. 
 
 " I am in receipt of your kind letter, dated on St. James day, 
 and have had the request you have therein expressed, under con 
 sideration. 
 
 " * I am as deeply impressed with the necessity of correcting 
 the popular sentiment, as to the " Man of Sin" and the " Scarlet 
 Whore," as you could wish me to be. These are now univer 
 sally received as the types of the Romish Church, and, as such, 
 must be met and obviated, for while the commonly received opi 
 nion obtains, the position of our Church must remain, to say the 
 least of it, painfully equivocal. The Vestal Virgin of the Angli 
 can Church cannot be too soon rescued from the companionship 
 of the lady in scarlet, and the embraces of the " Man of Sin." 
 
 " * My wife thinks I had better confine myself to the annihila 
 tion of the * Man of Sin," and leave you to manage the lady in 
 question. Indeed, I feel myself totally unable to the task of mas 
 tering so hard a subject, and feel that a younger man than myself 
 can do the Church better service, and I know of no one so well 
 fitted for this " labor of love," as it may truly be called, as your 
 self. Permit me to beg you to address yourself to the task of 
 taking the lady in the scarlet dress in hand, while I make war 
 upon the " Man of Sin." You must be as deeply sensible of the 
 
216 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 fact as myself, that the highest success on my part, in the task I 
 willingly assume, will be of no value, while the Scarlet Whore 
 retains her present position in the public mind as the lawful Sis 
 ter of our Virgin Mother, or, as some "ultra Protestants" (I refer 
 to the low church party) regard her, as little better than the in 
 cestuous Mother of our Church.* 
 
 " Jenkins v. Jones, assault ; Bang-bang for defendant. Clear 
 case, and yet Bang-bang talks by the hour what a jackass he 
 makes of himself. 
 
 " I found it, my lord, a very perplexing subject, to find out a 
 similarity between this lady and any one of the forms of heresy. 
 I have thought if, by any ingenious and learned exegesis, the 
 word scarlet could be changed to drab, it might suit the com 
 plexion of the Society of Friends, and, in this way, the difficulty 
 might be obviated and satisfactorily solved ; and as they are a 
 very inoffensive race of men and women, would, probably, take 
 all this quietly indeed, they might think it a compliment. 
 I must confess, indeed I fear you will find this not unlike Sir 
 Joseph Banks experiment of the boiled fleas, though I am sure 
 your lordship s well-known courtesy and devotedness to the sex 
 are such, that should you fail totrans form the fair sleek quaker 
 lady into this meretricious woman, you will not be impelled to 
 utter the anathema upon them, which was so terribly expressed 
 by Sir Joseph on finding that "fleas ain t lobsters." 
 
 " It is certainly surprising that the venerable and Apostolical 
 Church of Rome could, with their eyes open, and the Scriptures 
 in their possession, have assumed for its high dignitaries a habit 
 so entirely foreign, and in such sad contrast with the usual cos 
 tume and color prescribed for the clergy. I am sure it is one of 
 the devices of Satan, permitted as a stumbling-block in the way 
 of those who seek for rocks of offence. To your lordship, 
 therefore, I again commend this hard task of divorcing our be 
 loved Virgin Church from this more than doubtful relationship 
 subsisting, by general consent of the public mind, between the 
 Vestals of Christ, the Churches of Rome, England and America, 
 
 * " The notes of the judge were written in a book composed of sheets of 
 letter paper sewed together, so that, in my haste, I took the entire book, which 
 is copied verbatim. The memorandums, as the above, occur as breaks in the 
 letter he seems to have designed for one of the dignitaries of the Church. 
 The essays which follow really appeared in the Churchman in the months 
 of February and March, 1847; but the series on the "Scarlet Whore" have 
 not yet been published. The public will, no doubt, look for them with eager 
 ness. PETBR SCHLEMIHL. 
 
217 
 
 and the Scarlet Whore, the type of sensuality and sin, while I 
 shall do my best to stay this Goliah of Gath, " the Man of 
 Sin." 
 
 " Margaret Hanson v. Abigail Smith. Stealing a dress 
 sweet young girl of 17. 
 
 " I propose, then, my Lord Bishop, to prepare a series of 
 papers for the "Churchman," and shall treat the subject after 
 some such method as the following: 
 
 " THE MAN OF SIN.* 
 
 " It may do something towards the accomplishment of my 
 leading design, to mention some of the interpretations that have 
 been given to the passage under consideration (2 Thess. 2, 3, 
 4 ? ) though I have no intention to remark at length upon any of 
 them, except the one referred to in my last, and one more to be 
 named in this communication. 
 
 " 1 . I gave in my last what may be called the ultra-Pro 
 testant interpretation, by which popery is the falling away, or 
 artooT aflia, and the Bishop of Rome, in his pretended character of 
 vicar of Christ, or pope is " the Man of Sin." 
 
 " * 2. I might mention, as the counterpart of this, what may 
 be called the ultra-Papal interpretation, which considers the Pro 
 testant reformation, including the English church with the rest, as 
 the falling away, or apostacy and protestantism " the Man of 
 Sin." 
 
 " 3. The next theory that I shall notice is that of Mr. Whit- 
 by the well-known and deservedly popular commentator on the 
 New Testament. In his interpretation, " the falling away" is the 
 rebellion of the press against the Roman government in the time 
 of Nero, which was called an apostacy at the time, or the falling 
 away from the faith predicted by our Saviour, (Matt. xxiv. 11, 
 12,) and referred to by Paul, (2 Tim. i. 15,) and the popish 
 notion itself is " the Man of Sin." 
 
 " 4. In the theory of Dr. Hammond a name of still greater 
 authority among churchmen the " falling away" was the great 
 defection from the faith to the heresy of the Gnostics ; and " the 
 Man of Sin" was Simon Magus and his followers, the leaders of 
 that sect. 
 
 " 5. Another theory still, which has been chiefly elaborated 
 by Mr. Obadiah Walker, makes the early Heretics, Arians, Nes- 
 
 * See "Churchman," February 13, 1847. 
 
218 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 torians, &c., " the falling away ;" and Mahomet, who arose in 
 their midst, and extended his conquests to nearly the same extent 
 as those heresies had prevailed " the Man of Sin." 
 
 " * 6. In the theory of Grotius, Caius Caligula, the Roman 
 Emperor, who first persecuted the Christians, was " the Man of 
 Sin." 
 
 " The mention of all these theories will, as I trust, accom 
 plish at the least one object in my favor, viz., they will show that 
 as yet there has been no theory fixed upon that is satisfactory to 
 all men, or even generally so ; and therefore, I or any other spe 
 culator am at liberty to adventure another. The ultra-Protestants 
 very anonymously adopt the first-named theory above, and the 
 ultra-papists as generally adopt the second. It is a pity that the 
 English Church and our own should stand in the arena between 
 these two fiercely contending sects. I will try to extricate them. 
 But before I do this, I must notice a little more at length another 
 theory. The reason of my bestowing upon it some more atten 
 tion is the fact, that it was adopted very early, and very exten 
 sively, by the fathers ; and has been substantively revived by Mr. 
 Maitland, to whom the church is so much indebted for his late 
 invaluable work on the Dark Ages, and his various other labors, 
 rectifying the mistakes of Fox, Robertson, Mosheim, Milner, 
 Jones, et id genus omne. 
 
 " This theory is given substantially the same so far as the 
 exegesis of the passage is concerned, by St. Cyril, of Jerusalem, 
 in his Catechetical Lectures, xv. 9-19 sects. ; and by St. Chry- 
 sostom in his Homily on 2 Thess. Hour xv. iii. According to 
 St. Chrysostom, " anti-Christ himself," who is "the Man of Sin," 
 " is the apostacy as being about to destroy many, and make them 
 fall away." " He is not Satan, but some man who admits his 
 fully working in him." " For he will not introduce idolatry, but 
 will be a kind of opponent to God, and he will abolish all the 
 gods, and will order men to worship him instead of God, and he 
 will be seated in the temple of God, not that in Jerusalem only, 
 but also in the churches everywhere." And he thinks that the 
 Roman empire was that which prevented the approving of this 
 illustration of wickedness in his day. 
 
 " St. Cyril considers the heresies and schisms of his day as 
 " the falling away," or apostacy, and expects some individual 
 man as the " anti-Christ," or " Man of Sin," " a certain man who 
 is a wizard and most expert in the beguiling craftiness of sorce 
 ries and enchantments." The interpretation of Cyril differs in 
 many points from that of Chrysostom ; but they agree in the 
 main point for which I have cited them, viz., the making of " the 
 
 * 
 
219 
 
 man of sin" some one individual man who is to do what St. Paul 
 describes. 
 
 " With the details of these interpretations, as with those of 
 Mr. Maitland s interpretation, I shall not at all occupy my read 
 er s attention. The leading fact on account of which I classify 
 them together, and for which I give them a more extended notice 
 than the others is, that they agree in making " the Man of Sin" 
 to be some one individual man whose coming is placed by them 
 all Mr. Maitland in the nineteenth century, as well as by Cyril 
 and Chrysostom in the fourth in a time future to the writer. 
 They of course know nothing of him, and pretend to know no 
 thing except what is derived from revelation ; whereas, all the 
 other theories refer to something in history as the fulfillment of 
 the prophecy. We even compare the fact to which they refer 
 with the prediction, and judge for ourselves whether they corre 
 spond at all or not, and how far. But with the other theories 
 we pursue no such course of investigation*. We can only ask 
 ourselves whether the language of the prophet (pro hac vice pro 
 phet) seems to point to a single individual, and whether it is likely 
 that such a one will arise. 
 
 " * Another remark worthy of much consideration in this con 
 nection is, that in general the earliest interpretation is the best ; 
 but with regard to the interpretation of prophecy, this rule of in 
 terpretation holds with much less force. If all, or nearly all, the 
 early fathers have agreed in the interpretation of any doctrinal, 
 ethical, or ritual precept, there would be an end to all controversy 
 or doubt among all right-minded persons. But a prophecy can 
 be understood only by that which it foretells, and consequently 
 can be explained only when it is fulfilled. He that believes that 
 anything which has occurred is the fulfilment of the prophecy, 
 is satisfied and professes to understand the predictions, and must 
 be prepared to explain all of its language, to answer all reasonable 
 inquiries. But he, on the other hand, who finds nothing in the 
 past or present to satisfy the prediction, is bound to show that the 
 alleged fulfilments fail to answer the expectations which the pro 
 phecy has raised. I shall spare myself the trouble of producing 
 the reasons why I am not satisfied with any of the six first-named 
 theories above, any further than I have already done. And the 
 principal refutation of the other theory which I shall attempt, will 
 be to point to something past and present which, in my estima 
 tion, fulfils the conditions of the prophecy ; and if I succeed, I 
 of course overthrow all those theories (if there be more than one,) 
 which look forward to something yet future. 
 
 " Now, it is readily conceded that it was the expectation of 
 the fathers generally, that " the Man of Sin" was to be some in- 
 
220 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 dividual man, who should literally do what is there described 
 (2 Thess. ii. 3, 13.) But if we read the interpretation of any 
 one of them, and compare it with the history of what has oc 
 curred since he wrote, we cannot fail to be impressed with the 
 opinion that much of what he expected as the fulfilment of the 
 prophecy has failed to occur, and this too to such an extent as 
 to take away nearly all confidence in his interpretation. The 
 prophet revealed all that it was intended that he should know, 
 and none but a prophet can add anything to his predictions by 
 way of explanation or interpretation. The oral communications 
 and explanations of the Apostles handed down by tradition, could 
 be of but little value in the interpretation of a prophecy. It is 
 not likely that any very minute description of the event was orally 
 communicated, nor would it be readily comprehended if there had 
 been ; and in the second generation it would have been far more 
 likely to have become corrupted, than any other kind of instruction. 
 
 " With these remarks we may dismiss the ancient fathers for 
 the present. With Mr. Maitland, much as I regard his judgment 
 and authority in general, I must say that I think it entirely un 
 necessary to look to the coming of any one man that can or will 
 do all that is ascribed to the Man of Sin by St. Paul. I could 
 never make the passage look to me like a description or predic 
 tion of a single man. The expression "man of sin" ( o ai>9goto$ 
 gqg a/ta^r taj) has always seemed to denote a race or class of men, 
 or perhaps the disposition of both that characterizes them. Of 
 this more by and by. 
 
 " It would not be much to the purpose, I admit, to say that it 
 seems to me hardly possible that any one man can arise and do 
 what is ascribed to " the Man of Sin" by St. Paul. It seems 
 rather to be the work of a race a large number of men. We 
 can hardly conceive of a man whose influence and authority 
 can reach so far as is there described. But this will have but 
 little weight, since our notions of the possible and impossible are 
 but a very poor rule to apply to the interpretations of the Divine 
 word. Still less can I expect that my notions on the subject will 
 have much influence upon others, however unyielding they may 
 be in their control of my own judgment. 
 
 " * Nisi P. vol. 6, p. 173. Ben Jarchi will, I see, convict that 
 girl in spite of her bright eyes. Too young to be degraded by a 
 prison. 
 
 " Now, my Lord, I purpose the foregoing for an essay, No. 1. 
 I wrote it last night on my return from court. And now, while 
 
221 
 
 the pleadings are going on, I will pen a few loose thoughts as to 
 the further prosecution of this series. I have said we must not 
 look to any one man, as the type of the Man of Sin, but to the 
 race. But it may, perhaps, be deemed by you best to have some 
 one designated as the man. And there are doubtless great advan 
 tages to be derived from this course. It gives an air of certainty 
 and assured confidence which is very imposing. And in the 
 matter of the Scarlet Whore, I found that was the gist of the ques 
 tion who to hit upon, to be so personated who has held any im 
 portant place in the history of the church. If we could cut 
 loose from the Roman Church, we could find no difficulty in 
 whistling her down, by bringing forward Marozia, or some other 
 of the mistresses who have created Popes, as the lady in ques 
 tion ; but this would peril our claim to Apostolical succession, 
 and so I felt it must be relinquished. Now, I do not see that we 
 shall find the same difficulty in making out the " Man of Sin." 
 I should find no difficulty to follow the Romanists, in making him 
 out to be Martin Luther ; but that the fathers of our English 
 Church have been, unhappily, too intimately identified with him 
 in his labors to uproot the supremacy of the Roman Church ; 
 and he has too strong a hold on the affections of our people, 
 as a great reformer of a corrupt church. But it would suit our 
 purpose better to bring forward that anarch of ruin, and man of 
 sin, OLIVER CROMWELL, as the true type of dissent. And I think 
 it will be no difficult task to show that dissent is the heresy, 
 " the falling away," predicted by Paul in 2 Thess. ii. chap. 3 v. 
 But of this you shall decide. Perhaps it would be safer, in the 
 state of public opinion, to treat dissent as the Man of Sin, and 
 with this aspect of the subject, I will proceed with my series ; 
 but should you advise me to personate Oliver as the representa 
 tive of this prophecy, I shall find no difficulty in doing so. 
 
 " The Rabbi has sentenced Abigail to prison for one month. 
 Hard case. My heart pities the poor girl so young and so 
 pretty. Alas ! what wretched laws are ours, which look only to 
 the punishment of crime, not to the reform of the offender. This 
 poor girl borrows, as she says, her mistress dress to wear to a 
 party ; the mistress finds it missing, and watches the girl, who 
 brings it back on her person. This vanity is called a theft, and 
 is punished as such, by sending a young girl to a sink of pollu 
 tion, from whence she comes back to society, degraded and per 
 haps polluted, body and soul. I must write some essays on 
 prison discipline. The whole subject is one of the highest im 
 portance, and ought to command the attention of better pens than 
 mine ; but who has time to think of the culprit ; who a heart to 
 dig down into the miseries and tendencies to evil among the poor ; 
 
222 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 there to apply the true and efficient correctives of the offences of 
 criminals. We want another Howard to carry forward what 
 he commenced so nobly and with such self-sacrificing devotion 
 to the cause of God and Humanity. 
 
 " The Rabbi insists that the wardrobes of our ladies must be 
 inviolable and that poor Abigail is a bad girl and must be made 
 an example. I do not believe it poor girl ! Her mistress is 
 the culprit, and she the sinned against well may St. Chrysos- 
 tom* say of such "What is woman, but the enemy of friend 
 ship, an unavoidable pain, a necessary calamity, a domestic dan 
 ger, a delectable inconvenience, and the nature of evil painted 
 over with the color of good." 
 
 " tl said I believed that " the falling awaif had occurred 
 in the Protestant Christendom at and since the Reformation. 
 I believe that the Reformation was necessary and I am fully 
 satisfied with the result of that movement, as represented in 
 our Prayer Book and other standards. I am not even one of 
 those who regard the XXXIX. Articles as being too Protestant 
 or who think that they are at all reconcilable with the decrees of 
 the Council of Trent. 
 
 " This I have thought necessary to guard against misappre 
 hension. 
 
 " If now we look around us and estimate the number of those 
 descended from Christian ancestors who are living unbap- 
 tized, or in entire disregard of their baptismal vows and privi 
 leges, I am sure that we should see enough to convince even the 
 most obstinate, that there has occurred " a falling away" There 
 has never been a time in a Christian land since its conversion, 
 when anything like so large a proportion of the people lived in 
 entire disregard of Christianity. There has been an immense 
 "falling away" 
 
 " * Again, if we look at the Protestant sects, we see that every 
 one of them have departed and fallen from the standards of their 
 ancestors. 
 
 " But in this matter I am compelled not to stop even here. I 
 am obliged to look to see those, who, for one reason or another, 
 have gone out from and forsaken the communion of the church. 
 I am aware of the tenderness of my subject, and the delicacy 
 with which it needs to be treated. 
 
 " 1. In the first place, then, they have rejected the Ministry. 
 When I say the Ministry, I mean, of course, that which Christ ap 
 pointed, and which therefore has divine authority. This Ministry, 
 
 * Chrysostom on Matthew XIX. 
 
 f From Churchman, vol. xiv., No. 50; Feb. 13, 1847. 
 
223 
 
 like a body corporate, has its laws of perpetuation, one item of 
 which is Ordination by the hands of a Bishop. When that law 
 is violated, the perpetuation or succession fails a new ministry 
 begins. Being a new and another ministry, it does not receive 
 the authority and emoluments of the old. It is immaterial, so far 
 as the present point is concerned, whether the person who com 
 mends the new ministry was a member of the old or not. If the 
 conditions and laws of its perpetuation were violated, what was 
 produced was not a part or succession of the old ministry, but an 
 entirely new one. 
 
 " Now I will not go into a consideration of the importance and 
 necessity of the ministry that is the old ministry the one which 
 Christ instituted. But I will merely refer to the fact, that all 
 these sects have instituted a ministry of their own, as proof that 
 a ministry is a necessary and essential part of a church organi 
 zation. In their own estimation, therefore, the ministry is an es 
 sential constituent of the church. But this they have rejected. 
 
 " 2. But still further. No one of them made an effort to retain 
 in their sect the other constituents of the church. They rejected 
 the creed and the worship which had always been distinctive of 
 the Christian profession. 
 
 " I do not mean to say that they denied any article of the 
 Apostles creed. But they did not receive it as their rule of faith. 
 This the creed of the Catholic Church they rejected, disbeliev 
 ing some of its articles, and pronouncing others to be of an essen 
 tial and fundamental character which are not contained in it. But 
 as a Rule of Faith they rejected it. 
 
 " The thing here spoken of is not that they venture upon a 
 more minute and definite statement of their doctrines ; for this 
 every branch of the church has done and has a right to do. But 
 these sects seem to have paid no regard to that which is the creed 
 of the church. Of course they believed some of its articles. But 
 as a whole, as the creed of Christianity the summary of the 
 Christian Faith, as by the consent of the whole church before 
 them it had been regarded they did not receive it. In this cha 
 racter they rejected the Faith. 
 
 " 3. And in nearly the same way did they reject the Wor 
 ship. From the days of the Apostles, at least down to the time 
 of which we are now speaking, there has been in the church such 
 a thing as divine worship, the due celebration of which had ever 
 been considered as the leading object of all their religious assem 
 blings. The Apostles in their day found a worship wherever 
 they found priest and synagogues, and instituted one where they 
 did not. At the close of their age, therefore, it was a Christian 
 worship, and had then, at the least, been instituted or sanctioned 
 
224 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 by divine authority. It is true, that each branch of the church, 
 and it may be that each Bishop, had the right and authority to 
 modify this worship in some of its forms. And this right has 
 been exercised so that the worship in the different branches of 
 the church, varies in many particulars. Still it remains substan 
 tially the same. Its essential character remains in them all more 
 or less pure. 
 
 " But this worship they rejected altogether; both in form and 
 principle. They made no effort to retain the confessions, pray 
 ers, and praises, which in past ages had made up this Worship. 
 Nor did they attempt to compose or arrange a new one on the 
 same principle on the principle of a premeditated and prepared 
 offering made to God by the whole people, with voice as well as 
 with the heart. Instead thereof, they appointed one man to stand 
 up in their midst to talk talk to God or man, as the case might 
 be. 
 
 " Now, by their own confession in act if not in words 
 some creed is necessary. They could not get along without it. 
 And, as if to show that they did not belong to the old church, 
 they laid aside its creed as well as its ministry, and made one of 
 their own. 
 
 " So with the worship. Some worship is necessary. This 
 they readily admit. And no sooner had they rejected that what 
 was in the church, than they appointed their minister to make 
 one for them on every occasion of their assembling. 
 
 " Now, by rejecting, as they did the Ministry, the Faith and 
 the Worship, they forsook the communion, all visible connection 
 with that body of persons which had existed as the church from 
 the Apostles days down to their own. These things which they 
 rejected make up the visible estate and conditions of Christianity. 
 They are the outward marks which distinguish the church from 
 the world Jews, Turks, Infidels, and Heretics, from Catholic 
 Christians. They are not the only works which distinguish, but 
 they are the elements which make the difference between Chris 
 tians and those that have no interest in Christ. And then they 
 rejected openly, visibly, departed from. This act fully and 
 precisely answers to artocrracua the original for "falling away" 
 in the passage under consideration. 
 
 " It is customary to speak of those that we have just now been 
 considering as heretics or schismatics, or both. But I doubt if 
 either term is strictly applicable to them. A heretic, in the eccle 
 siastical sense is a ?mVbeliever, one who, if his belief were right, 
 could be an orthodox Christian. A schismatic is a Christian who 
 is in a state of insubordination to the ecclesiastical authority of 
 the place where he lives Elsewhere he might be a Catholic. 
 
" THE MAN OF SIN." 225 
 
 Thus he that acknowledges the Supremacy of the Pope in this 
 country, or in England, is a schismatic. But in France, in Spain, 
 in Austria, or in Rome, that fact would not make him a schismatic, 
 since it is what the ecclesiastic authority in those places has re 
 quired. The acknowledgment might be wrong, but it would not 
 be schismatic. Now a church cannot be considered schismatic 
 anywhere, which might not be Catholic somewhere. Unless, for 
 instance, the Presbyterians are so constituted, and have such spi 
 ritual qualifications as that they mightexercise jurisdiction, and con 
 stitute a valid branch of the church, in some unoccupied country, 
 they cannot be regarded in the light of schismatics here. 
 
 " It is evident, therefore, that when we have called these sects 
 heretics and schismatics in the recognized meaning of those terms, 
 we have not fully described their character or condition. It may 
 not be worse, but is certainly different. I do not say but that they 
 may have what they call religion. They may be sincere, pious, 
 and full of zeal. They may have what gives them a support in 
 life and hope in death. All this I do not question ; for it may be 
 seen every clay. But yet I do say, that they have openly and 
 visibly departed from that which, in their estimation, as well as 
 ours, is essential to the church, and which constitutes the outward 
 state and condition of Christianity. And therefore, I have a right 
 to consider this movement as A "falling away" if it be not the 
 one spoken of by the holy Apostle St. Paul. 
 
 " BLUCHER STREET, BABYLON. 
 
 " Nativity of B. V. M., 18 . 
 
 " MY DEAR LORD AND BISHOP: I have, as you see, continued 
 my series, making Dissent the true type of the " Man of Sin" and 
 as this day I am at leisure, I will proceed with the task you have 
 imposed upon me. It is one I rejoice in, and shall be happy if 
 it shall meet with your approval. I mean to call things by their 
 right names, and am surprised at the course of some of our mi 
 nistry in this city, who, in my opinion, contrary to all true fidelity 
 to the church, speak of the so styled clergy of dissenters, as their 
 " brethren in the ministry of the Gospel," and recently my 
 heart has been grieved by the course of one of our clergy, who 
 has accepted the use of a " meeting house" for the service of his 
 church a house not consecrated by a bishop, and where, with 
 out a chancel or an altar, he reads prayers, and delivers sermons 
 in such a place as this! This conduct cannot be restrained for 
 want of a diocesan. The missionary bishops, as they are called, 
 possess no power to control such men, who are by their very na- 
 15 
 
226 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 ture latituclinarian in thought and action. It is to be hoped we 
 shall speedily be relieved from the " anomalous" condition in 
 which we find ourselves so unexpectedly and unjustly placed, 
 as to be taunted, (and indeed with too much truth,) that we are 
 a church without a bishop! But this is a subject too painful to 
 be dwelt upon. I proceed with my closing paper on the " Man 
 of Sin." 
 
 THE MAN OF SIN.* 
 
 " We have seen that some sects professing themselves Christ 
 ians, have nevertheless rejected and visibly departed from the 
 ministry, the faith, and the worship all that constitutes the visi 
 ble state and condition of Christianity, and which, as the metes 
 and bounds of the Church, form the dividing line between it and 
 that which is without. I now resume the subject for the purpose 
 of considering the fourth verse, in relation to some phenomena that 
 have occurred mostly within the same limits, and have character 
 ized mostly the same persons. 
 
 " I will quote the verse to begin with, that we may have it dis 
 tinctly before our minds. " Who opposeth and exalteth himself 
 above all that is called God, or that is worshiped, so that he as 
 God sitteth in the temple of God, showing himself that he is 
 God." 
 
 " By all that is called God, we may understand 
 
 "*(!.) The primitive Christians, to whom the Word of God 
 came, (John x. 35 ;) and the sects of which we are speaking, dis 
 regard the examples, principles, and persons of the primitive 
 Christians. They never commemorate them by Holy days, and 
 they regard it as superstitious and derogatory to the Scriptures to 
 pay any regard to early tradition or catholic consent and usage. 
 
 " (2.) Or it may refer to those in authority either in Church 
 or State, and thus the prediction is fulfilled in the same persons. 
 For certainly in all cases they have set at defiance the ecclesias 
 tical authorities of the church, and for the most part they have 
 sprung into existence in opposition to the civil authority. 
 
 " (3.) Or, finally, it may mean God, and then it is the same as 
 the last part of the verse, and finds its fulfilment in the same 
 facts. 
 
 " If " is worshiped" means as in English, then of course it is 
 God, and is only an addition to, or amplification of, what is said 
 before and after it. If it means, as I think, all that is held venera 
 ble and sacred, then it finds its fulfilment in the irreverence of 
 
 * "Churchman," February 20, 1847, No. 51, vol. xvi. 
 
* THE MAN OF SIN." 227 
 
 those people in making the church a mere meeting house, in re 
 garding the sacraments as mere outward rites, in abolishing all 
 Holy days, even Good Friday and Easter, and in converting the 
 Sunday to Sabbath. 
 
 " * It is evident that we are not to look for any professed athe 
 ism or opposition to God for a fulfilment of the prediction. " The 
 Man of Sin," by such a profession, would defeat his own object. 
 He would completely destroy his influence over Christians, and 
 then he could bring them into his wickedness only by force. But 
 it is by deception, cunning, craft, lying wonders, and pretended 
 piety that he is to succeed. Therefore it must be under the cloak 
 of a religious faith. And I might ask, what would be the most 
 favorable time for such an undertaking, if it were not when the 
 Church had become corrupt, so that a pretended zeal for the purity 
 of the Gospel would be an effectual means of seducing many ? He 
 could then easily brand all those that would not fall in with him 
 as friends to the mass of old error (Papists ? Puseyites ?), and thus 
 he and the friends of the old errors would make terrible havoc of 
 those that M^ould aim to stand aloof from most of them, cleaving 
 only to the faith once delivered to the saints. 
 
 " I have already stated that the language in the last part of 
 this text does not necessarily imply that k the Man of Sin" is to 
 exalt himself above God and sit in His Temple as God, by claim 
 ing the worship and homage due to God alone. This is what no 
 man could claim with any prospect of gaining it. The age for 
 deifying men and worshiping them as gods, has gone by. It must 
 be in some other way than that " the Man of Sin" is to " show 
 himself that he is God." This, as I understand, he is to do, not 
 by claiming to be God not by claiming to have divine attributes 
 and prerogatives, but by assuming, in an age when " the falling 
 away" has prepared the people for it, when ignorance of the truth 
 has prepared for the introduction of error, to do what God alone 
 can do. 
 
 " I regard our Saviour s declaration to Peter, " On this rock 
 will I build my Church," as one of the strongest proofs of His 
 supreme divinity that could be afforded. If the church is His, 
 and He built it, either he must be God, or a sort of antagonist to 
 God. A church can bring its members into communion and fel 
 lowship with its founder, but can carry them no higher. Man 
 cannot make a covenant that will be binding upon any being 
 higher than himself. If then, Christ be truly God, very well. 
 His Church that which He founds and builds will bring us into 
 covenant and communion with God. But otherwise, if He be 
 not truly God, then, in founding His Church by leading us to 
 communion with himself, He is leading us away from God. 
 
228 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 Hence, whoever founds or builds a church, sits in the Temple of 
 God as God, and becomes the God of those who belong to that 
 church. Of course, I am speaking of founding new churches, 
 and not of establishing new branches of the old one. 
 
 " Now each of these Protestant sects has done that which, as 
 we have remarked, proves that Christ is either God or one that 
 " opposeth and exalteth himself above" God. He founded a 
 church, thus showing Himself that He is God, or if He be not, 
 He has deluded to their everlasting ruin those who put their trust 
 in Him or belong to His Church. 
 
 " * It is, indeed, true with regard to the Presbyterians, that at 
 first they held to the necessity of the Apostolic succession, and 
 of retaining what they considered the constituent elements of a 
 church, so as that theirs should not be a new church, but only a 
 reformed branch of the old. But this was soon found to be like 
 cutting the branch between one s self and the tree. And though 
 they retain much of the old form, yet they have very extensively 
 adopted the congregational principle. Most of the other sects 
 have started on that principle. Or if they have not, it makes no 
 material difference in relation to the present objection. They all 
 confess that they have founded a new church, a new communion. 
 They think that it is like the Primitive Church. But there is no 
 pretence that theirs is the same. Similarity, and not identity, is 
 all that they claim. They acknowledge the fact that the church 
 to which they belong was founded, as a new and distinct religious 
 community, by this and that man, or a body of men, since the 
 Reformation. 
 
 " Now we will not, and we need not, go into the question of 
 their similarity to the Primitive Church. That may be granted, 
 or conceded to be of no importance, and yet the substance of the 
 whole matter remains undisposed of. The complaint is not that 
 they have founded a church unlike the Apostolic, but it goes to 
 the substance matter, that they have founded a church at all. If, 
 for instance, the Wesleys, Asbury, Coke, &c., had the right and 
 power to found a church like the Apostolic, they had the right to 
 found one unlike it. They were bound by no instructions that 
 were given them by God, for none were given. The Bible fur 
 nished them none, and if they had any from another source, then 
 there was a new Revelation, a new covenant, and they should 
 have given us new Scriptures. But without authority from God, 
 without instructions for that purpose from Him, they found a 
 church of their own. 
 
 " * What we have said of the Methodists, is true of all the sects 
 that are without the ministry of the Apostolic succession. They 
 are human churches, founded in fact and confessedly by men. 
 
" THE MAN OF SIN." 229 
 
 And it makes no difference, so far as this immediate point is con 
 cerned, whether these founders of the new churches were mere 
 laymen, or presbyters, or even bishops, in the old Apostolic 
 Church. For their Holy Orders gave them no authority to build 
 a new Church, but only to continue and administer the old one 
 according to Christ s institution. 
 
 " In these days of jealousy and excitement, it is necessary that 
 people should be cautious what they say and how they guard 
 their opinions from misapprehension, when they are speaking on 
 this subject. This must be my apology for being a little more 
 prolix upon this point than there would otherwise be any neces 
 sity for. I remark, therefore, that of course I am not saying but 
 what the members, whether lay or clerical, of an existing church, 
 as that of England, for instance, may go into a country where 
 there is no church, as they came here in A. D. 1607, and lay the 
 foundation of a church which should be in one sense new, that is, 
 a new branch of the ONE church retaining as it does the ministry, 
 the faith, and the worship, and being in communion and friendly 
 intercourse with the parent branch from which it sprung. Although 
 it is in one sense a new church, yet it is not a new communion, 
 but only an enlargement and extension of the old. 
 
 " Nor can the action of the English Bishops in the Reforma 
 tion be called the founding a new church, even though the churches 
 in the Romish Obedience refused communion with the English 
 after the Reformation. Their act founded no new society or 
 church ; it simply reformed the old one. * 
 
 " * But with all these sects, it is far otherwise. For leaving out 
 of view, for the present, the question as to what the polity of the 
 Primitive Church may have been, it is a conceded fact that no one 
 of these sects is the Primitive Church prolonged by a visible and 
 traceable existence into the modern sect. The highest thing 
 which they claim is likeness or similarity. They do not even 
 lay a claim to identity. They all admit the fact that they are of 
 modern origin. They had their origin, foundation, and com 
 mencement in these latest centuries. 
 
 " It would be amusing, if the subject were not too serious, to 
 see the naivete with which they confess this fact. Says Dr. Mil 
 ler, " This denomination (the Presbyterian) is to be considered 
 as the offspring of the Church of Scotland." " The celebrated 
 Andrew Melville, on his arrival in Scotland from Geneva, in A. 
 D. 1574, was enabled to effect, in 1592, the introduction of that 
 Presbyterian polity which he found established in Geneva, and 
 which has finally been fixed in Scotland." So that " the Church 
 of Scotland," of Dr. Miller, is the offspring of that polity which 
 was instituted by Calvin, Farel, and Viret, and founded in Ge- 
 
230 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 neva, about A. D. 1540, and here is its origin. "Methodists. 
 This large and respectable denomination was founded (sic.) in 
 the year 1729, by one Mr. Morgan and Mr. John Wesley." 
 " Baptists. It has been asserted that the Baptists originated in 
 Germany, about the year 1522, at the beginning of the Reforma 
 tion. It is true that no denomination of Protestants can trace 
 the origin of its present name further back than about the time 
 of the Reformation, and most of them (the denominations) have 
 originated (sic.) since that period." Con gre Rationalists. " Mr. 
 Robinson has been rightly deemed the founder of the sect, and 
 of the celebrated Church at Leyden, in Holland, of which he 
 was pastor." 
 
 " I might carry these quotations to almost any length. But 
 that would take up space and time unnecessarily. * * * * 
 
 " Thus we have not only the confession of the fact that men 
 in these latter ages, " as God, have set in the Temple of God, 
 showing themselves that they are God," by doing what did the 
 most unequivocally prove our Saviour s Godhead, forming new, 
 distinct churches, making covenants with men, instituting a min 
 istry, &c., all of the most sacred acts of our blessed Saviour, who 
 was both God and man ; but we have also all this freely avowed 
 and justified as the recognized principles of a large denomination, 
 whose principles are becoming extensively adopted in the other 
 sects, and are the popular views upon the subject in this our 
 country and age. Thus has man taken the whole matter into his 
 own hands. He can found churches, make covenants, institute 
 priesthoods, and this he claims a right to do, even though God 
 has for once and for all built His church, established and ratified 
 His covenant, and ordained His ministry to be with them always 
 even unto the end of the world. NOW, IF THIS BE NOT 
 TO OPPOSE AND EXALT ITSELF, AND AS GOD TO 
 SIT IN THE TEMPLE OF GOD, SHOWING ITSELF 
 THAT IT IS GOD, IT WOULD BE DIFFICULT TO SAY 
 WHAT IS. 
 
 " The reader has now before him the proof, or rather an indi 
 cation of what I consider the proof, of the correctness of my view 
 of the prediction contained in 2 Thes. ii. 1-11. The proof is 
 the correspondence between the facts and the prediction. To my 
 mind it is satisfactory. The reader must judge for himself. 
 
 " Should you deem it desirable to give prominence to Oliver 
 Cromwell, instead of Dissent, as the "Man of Sin," I have found 
 a citation from St. Cyril of Jerusalem, which is quite a-propos. 
 In his exegesis on the Vision of Daniel, speaking of the " little 
 horn," which ultra-Protestants have applied to the papacy, he says 
 
THE BISHOP OF GREEN MOUNTAINS SERMON. 331 
 
 " A blasphemer is he, and an outrageous person, not inheriting 
 his kingdom from his fathers, but usurping power by means of 
 sorcery," but perhaps it is best as draughted. As it is, I submit 
 these views, in fullest confidence, to your superior learning and 
 judgment. 
 
 ******* 
 
 " * I have recently received a kind letter from the Right Reve 
 rend John, Bishop of Green Mountains, who has been pleased 
 to ask my advice as to the text he shall select in preaching the 
 opening sermon of the General Convention, in this city, with 
 the brief of his intended course of remarks on that occasion. I 
 cannot but be proud of the distinguished honor conferred upon 
 so very humble a member of the laity as myself. He has pro 
 posed to select the 21st chapter of Acts, 24th and 25th verses, for 
 his text,* and to show from the example of that Apostolic Coun 
 cil, that the Fathers of our Anglican Church have their sanction 
 and example, for constructing the Rubric and Articles of The 
 Church, so as to embrace within its bosom, all the shades of opin 
 ion, " from the pious Romanist to the zealous Calvinist." 
 ******* 
 
 " * Gentleman in Black vs. Schlemihl vagabond Bang-bang 
 for dft. very strange case prisoner without a shadow. Instance 
 of demoniacal possession. 
 
 ******* 
 
 " I doubt, my Lord Bishop, the propriety of this course of 
 thought and fear it grants too much, and goes to show there was 
 never an infallible council on earth. Paul took the advice, con 
 trary to his own convictions, having himself denounced the ritual 
 of the Temple as "weak and beggarly * * * a yoke from which 
 Christ had set his church free" and the Holy Spirit seems to 
 have made this solitary mis-step of the great Apostle, the begin 
 ning of a course of sufferings which only ceased with his mar 
 tyrdom. Then, too, there is another objection which occurs to 
 me Where is the seamless coat of Christ all this while, if every 
 variety of opinion is to be tolerated ? That favorite and ancient 
 figure of the church fathers loses all its significancy, and instead 
 of it, we substitute Joseph s coat of many colors. 
 
 " If this interpretation can be sustained, and such is the tes- 
 selated pavement upon which the Altar of our faith stands,! think 
 it will be difficult for the learned Bishop hereafter to discover any 
 "novelties to disturb our peace" as a church, since, by his own 
 showing, the Articles and Rubric cover all the varieties of human 
 
 * The worthy Bishop did indeed take this text, and adopt these views, 
 doubtless for want of the criticism of the very excellent Judge Tomkins. 
 
232 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 opinion, from the purest faith to the wildest forms of fanaticism ; 
 and that they serve only to create a bond of union, not of faith, but 
 
 of forms. And is this the " One Faith" of the Church of Christ! 
 
 ******* 
 
 " This Bang-bang is a scandalous fellow he deserves to have 
 
 his tongue slit. 
 
 ******* 
 
 " I fear, my dear lord, that it will be deemed rather presump 
 tuous in me, to hint these objections to a bishop, but I very much 
 regret he has taken the view of the subject he has. And I think 
 of suggesting to him, as more fitting to the scope of his remarks, 
 the vision of St. Peter, contained in Acts x., llth to 15th verses, 
 in which he saw a sheet let down from Heaven, " Wherein were 
 all manner of four footed beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, 
 and creeping things, and fowls of the air" &c. This might 
 be, at least, deemed apposite, if not appropriate. I shall be glad 
 of your advice as to the reply fitting to be returned to my Lord 
 
 Bishop of Green Mountains. 
 
 ******* 
 
 " There is one subject which has long dwelt upon my mind 
 with considerable force, and which I beg to submit to you, for 
 your serious consideration. In our labors to revive the sanctity 
 of the ancient church, we have, so far as I am aware, had no re 
 ference to the salutary effects and quickening graces, sought and 
 attained in the faithful, by the discipline of FLAGELLATION. 
 
 " This thought has often recurred to me in reading the lives of 
 those eminent pietists, recorded in the history of the church, as 
 well as the lives of saints. If there be anything to be relied upon, 
 and on which we can base our hopes for The Church, it must rest 
 on the congruity between the means used, and the ends to be at 
 tained, viz., the sanctification of the body. In order to this, fast 
 ing and prayer have ever held a high rank among saints. To 
 attain a higher degree of sanctity, the celebat was enforced as a 
 rule of discipline on the priesthood : not that it originated in The 
 Roman Church, as ignorant people suppose, for, as the learned 
 Gale justly observes, in his " Court of the Gentiles," vol. ii. p. 212, 
 * the celebat of priests was in such high esteem among the pagans, 
 that ^Eneas, in Virgil, (lib. 6,) in passing the Elysian fields, saw 
 no other priests there." It was only recovering, therefore, one 
 of those laws of our being, which had been discovered and adopt 
 ed by the ancient fathers of Greece and Rome, as fitting to the 
 highest purity of our nature, to abstain from marriage. I say, 
 then, there are certain customs true in themselves, and which, 
 when followed with zeal, do, by the very condition of our being, 
 place the disciple in that condition of body which fits it to re- 
 
OF THE DISCIPLINE OF FLAGELLATION. 233 
 
 ceive the grace of God. And I presume, my Lord Bishop, the 
 usages of the church are based upon these proclivities of our 
 inner man. We are not merely creatures of mind, but much 
 more truly, the slaves of sense. It is, therefore, that the Church 
 seeks to bring the senses into bondage to the Church and her 
 clergy. 
 
 " When I look back for a few years, and see the changes 
 which have been wrought, I am greatly encouraged in the hope 
 of yet living to see the customs of the church restored to their 
 " pristine purity as existing in the fourth century" that halcyon 
 day of her glory ! Let us see what has been already accom 
 plished. The bowing of the head at the name of Jesus in the 
 creed, (now almost universally adopted,) fifteen years since was 
 unknown. The Gothic style of our church edifices, and the 
 erection of the sacred symbol of the cross, now seen over our 
 altars and surmounting the spires the recent adoption of matins 
 and vespers the observance of saints days, Ember days, and 
 festivals the changes of our forms in the chanting of the psalms, 
 which were formerly read the revival of the costume of our 
 clergy, assimilating it to that worn by the Catholic clergy, are 
 all indicative of the restoration of the religion of a purer age of 
 the church; while oratories have become common in the homes 
 of our laity. These are tokens of a revival of early days : Of 
 those practices and opinions which prevailed long before the mis 
 called reformation, under the direction of Luther and Calvin, the 
 great hierophants of dissent not to speak of the prominence 
 given to the doctrines of the present day; of the Apostolical suc 
 cession, of baptismal regeneration, and above all, the church as 
 the conduit by which alone saving grace is conferred, and out 
 of which there is no salvation. 
 
 * But while we have reason to rejoice in all that has been 
 attained, we yet have but begun the work, and there is still unat- 
 tempted, great and salutary means to attain a transcendental state 
 of piety, for which we have the highest authority in the examples 
 of the saints, and the testimony of the fathers and confessors of 
 the early church. Among these, if not the chief est of all these, 
 is the discipline of flagellation! I need not remind you how 
 large a place this practice has had, and still has, in the Roman 
 Church. Its uses have recently been popularized by the reprint 
 of Father Ripa s " Residence in China."* 
 
 " * Now, my dear Lord Bishop, I am sure such is the docility 
 
 * The excellent and pious Father Ripa once composed a deadly feud, 
 through the sedative influence of religious castigation. when even the exhorta 
 tions of several ecclesiastics, and the authority of Cardinal Barberiui, had 
 failed. It existed in a family of an old man and his six sons, who had for 
 
234 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 of the noviciates of our theological schools, and of our laity, 
 as .evinced by the adoption of all the changes in doctrines and 
 forms, (already recapitulated,) that this discipline has only to be 
 presented to their minds by some one whose example and faith 
 they will, without faltering or hesitancy, follow, to revive this 
 efficacious penance in all its salutary rigor. And from my own 
 experience (of which I will presently speak), I can think of no 
 thing so well calculated to bring the body into due subjection as 
 frequent and daily castigation. To your lordship do I appeal 
 on behalf of this ancient rule of the church, and beseech you to 
 adopt this discipline, and to commend it in your next charge to 
 your diocese. They will not fail to follow the example, when 
 set for their imitation by one so highly distinguished as yourself. 
 I know of nothing so well calculated to awaken the careless, and 
 to make a lively impression upon both clergy and laity. It is 
 easy, my lord, to erect a cross on the top of one s house, Jbut to 
 wear the cross on the bare back, ah ! that is the truest of all tests 
 of discipleship. Cardinal and Saint Damiano, with whose writ 
 ings you are familiar, who was himself an eye-witness to the ex 
 traordinary discipline of St. Dominic, the Cuirassier, of which 
 he is the historian, thus urges home on the consciences of those 
 who loved the flesh better than holiness. He says, speaking of 
 the day of judgment, "Then shall the sun lose its lustre, the 
 moon be involved in darkness ; the stars shall fall from their 
 places, and all the elements be confounded together. Of what 
 service, then, will be to you those clothes and garments with 
 which you are now covered, and which you refuse to lay aside, 
 to submit to this exercise of penitence." And more than this, 
 there exist several well authenticated facts, which prove that 
 the blessed Virgin was frequently propitiated by this practice. 
 Though these facts would be of as little worth as pearls cast be 
 fore swine, to the great mass of our population ; yet, my lord, 
 you will give them the consideration they demand of all true 
 churchmen. I do therefore renew my earnest request, that your 
 lordship will give this striking test of your devotion to the doc 
 trines and observances of our Holy Mother Church. 
 
 several years sought the life of a relative who had murdered his seventh 
 son. 
 
 The worthy father, while preparing for his missionary labors in China, at 
 Rome, was sent to the place where this family resided, to preach during 
 Lent. After one of his sermons, about dusk, having finished his discourse, 
 he dismissed the women, telling the men to stay and do penance. The doors 
 being locked, Father Ripa " urged the duty of self-castigation" with such power, 
 that there was in the hearts of these fierce men, no longer any resistance to 
 the mode adopted for the pacification and reconciliation of the parties. See 
 Ripa s Court of Pekin, p. 21. 
 
OBSERVATIONS OF THE GENTLEMAN IN BLACK. 235 
 
 " * I speak not only from my own experience of the delights 
 which follow this salutary discipline, but I have the testimony of 
 Abelard, in a letter to Eloisa, in which he says, " Verbera quan- 
 doque dabam, non furore ; gratia, non ira. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black now folded up the paper and returned 
 it to his pocket. 
 
 " I am sure," said Mrs. Smith, with a gay smile, " the Right 
 Rev. Bishop of Peach Orchard must be very much obliged to the 
 judge, for the suggestion of wearing his cross on his back, in 
 stead of on the top of his house." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black smiled in his turn, and looking very 
 sweetly upon the lady, said, " The sign of the cross is, I am cer 
 tain, more easily placed on the king post of his roof than " 
 
 Mrs. Smith held up her finger, playfully, lest the Gentleman 
 in Black should transgress the rules of propriety. 
 
 He^laughing, said, "No, dear madam, I really had no design 
 but to respond to your remark, and to say, how much easier it is 
 to erect, or wear a beautiful symbol of the cross, than to as 
 sume the cross of which Christ speaks, as the daily duty of all 
 who would be his true disciples." 
 
 The notes of Judge Tomkins terminate here. A part only 
 of the Judge s series, as they appeared in " The Churchman," 
 have been copied, at the hazard of being wearisome to my readers, 
 that they may see for themselves the position assumed by the 
 "Oxford men" of our country toward " Dissenters." And 
 though the " Man of Sin" may be deemed by them as fairly 
 made out to be "Dissent" yet as Mr. Justice Tomkins has 
 well said, while the "Scarlet Whore" remains the type of the 
 Roman Church, all this is but " love s labor lost."- We do 
 hope the Bishop of Peach Orchard will set his wits to work to 
 release " the Virgin Anglican Church" from the foul spot on her 
 fair reputation of being " sister" to such a vile woman. And, too, 
 we assure the Bishop of Green Mountains, whose ingenious dis 
 course on the Mosaical character of the Rubric and Articles of 
 the Church, has won for him the admiration of the world, and 
 shows his astuteness in managing all vexed questions, that, though 
 it would be a " novelty," to be sure, yet one which so far from 
 " disturbing the peace" of the church, would quiet many anx 
 ious hearts, if he would show us what we are to believe. The 
 House of Bishops should either divorce the "Vestal Church" 
 from the Church of Rome, or show the received opinion to be 
 erroneous, and by a solemn act tell us what is the " Interpreta 
 tion of the Church" on this subject. 
 
 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
236 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 Confessions of Mrs. Smith Her religious impressions as a child Becomes a 
 member of the congregation under the care of Rev. Verdant Green Cha 
 racter of his ministry Effect of baptismal regeneration upon Mrs. Smith 
 Mrs. Smith is re-baptized Refuses to be confirmed ; her reasons Mrs. 
 Smith relates her conversation with her Rector as to the virtues of confirma 
 tion, and the descent of the apostolical powers Cites St. Clement on the 
 effect of wearing false hair ; her conclusions thereon Unsettles the faith of 
 " the Church" The Gentleman in Black s remarks thereon Removes her 
 seat to the church of Liberal Christians Of the sermons she heard Effect 
 upon her mind The miracles, how explained Makes the acquaintance of 
 Mrs. Percy and her daughter Helen Joins the circle of Free Inquirers 
 Of the teachings of transcendental philosophy Of the " Vestiges of Creation" 
 Character of Helen Visit of the lady from Bostonia Of the new school 
 divinity Of Professor Norton Prof. Ware s letter Remarks of Mrs. 
 Percy Of the " Mutual Admiration Society" of Bostonia How it works 
 Mrs. Elgin s opinion on new school divines Mrs. Percy s opinion of Doct. 
 Charming His opinion on Unitarianism at the close of his life Difficulties 
 in the way of the circle of Free Inquirers They hold a fast Read their 
 "intuitions" as to God They are surprised by the entrance of an old 
 grandmother Their conversation Helen Percy s death bed The scene 
 in her chamber the night before her death, contrasted by the dying hour of 
 the cousin of Mrs. Smith, the widow of a clergyman Mrs. Smith s present 
 state of rnind. 
 
 THE Gentleman in Black now claimed of Mrs. Smith the ful 
 filment of her promise to give him some account of her own spirit 
 ual life. 
 
 " I have, I trust, some claims on you, and I need to recruit my 
 self a little, before showing you some more scenes in the Mirror, 
 which, I am assured, will be interesting to you." 
 
 "I am, indeed," replied Mrs. Smith, with the sweetest tones 
 and amenity of manner, "greatly indebted to you for all you 
 have done to while away my wakefulness, and I cheerfully com 
 ply with your request to give you not my experience, but my 
 Confessions." 
 
 CONFESSIONS OF MRS. SMITH. 
 
 "You have expressed yourself surprised at my skepticism! 
 
MRS. SMITH S CHILDHOOD. 237 
 
 and I can readily imagine how strange it is for the child of pious 
 parents, to be found drifted out into the ocean of doubt, without 
 a single star in the horizon to steer by, and on all sides surrounded 
 by the fog banks of philosophy, falsely so called, as Paul has 
 well said. And I will now endeavor to give you a history of 
 my mental progress. 
 
 " In my childhood I was early taught the being of God. My 
 earliest recollections carry me back to the hours when I was 
 taught to fold my little hands, and to repeat the Lord s Prayer ; 
 and before closing my eyes to sleep, to say those magical words, 
 which seemed to me to contain some potent charm 
 
 Now I lay me down to sleep, 
 I pray the Lord my soul to keep ; 
 And if I die before I wake, 
 I pray thee, Lord, my soul to take. 
 
 And when the force of language began to be realized, I wondered 
 what Now-I-lay-me, could mean. The words were all run to 
 gether in my mind, and I never separated them, till years after 
 wards. 
 
 " I was taken to meeting on the Lord s day by my parents, 
 from my earliest days ; and there I heard words of fearful im 
 port, as the * last day, the torments of hell-fire, the worm that 
 never dies, * flames never to be quenched, * the happiness of the 
 righteous, and the misery of the wicked ; and as my mind grew 
 more and more enlarged, I wished I had never been born or that 
 I was good, and not the wicked child 1 felt myself to be. I 
 looked at our pious minister with envy, to think how certain it 
 was that he would go to heaven, and how certainly I should go 
 to hell. And too, there were the deacons, sitting below the pul 
 pit, whose duty it was to set the half hour glass, and to keep it 
 going during the sermon ; they, too, seemed to me men just within 
 the verge of heaven : but as for me, I was constantly doing 
 something very wicked. 
 
 " In our parish meeting house, the pews were square, and 
 adorned by an open railing, made of little pieces of wood, grace 
 fully turned, which formed the tops of the pews. These rungs 
 of wood had the faculty of creaking, when twisted round. Now 
 it seemed to be the very instigation of Satan to set me to turning 
 those rungs which would squeak loudest. And though often re 
 proved at home, and rapped on the head with my father s knuckles, 
 or my mother s fan, still I would do it. No doubt it was the 
 wickedest thing I could do, and so it must be done ; and it was 
 done, though at the cost of conscience. 
 
 "And, too, by some means, (how, I have now no conception,) 
 I obtained the idea that moral responsibility did not attach itself 
 
238 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 to very little children, and I hoped I should die, before that day 
 should reach me; and when I heard of the millenium, when all 
 would be good, I repined, and thought how hard it was to be 
 sent into the world before that time had come. 
 
 " I tell you of these little thoughts of mine to show you the 
 activity of my mind at a very early age. How long they lasted, 
 I cannot now say. 
 
 "I was early taught the Westminster Catechism, of which I 
 have little or no recollection, but that vast thoughts were at work 
 in my mind, as to the great doctrines of God s sovereignty, the 
 election of the good, and the damnation of the wicked. These 
 great subjects were then fresh, and my little head strove to recon 
 cile what has puzzled angels, whom Milton tells us, 
 
 sat on a bill apart 
 
 And reasoned high of fate, fixed fate, of freewill, foreknowledge absolute, 
 And found no end in wondering mazes lost. 
 
 " One subject our minister never let us forget; it was our alien 
 ation from God by nature, and that we must be born again. 
 To Nicodemus these words could not be more astounding and 
 inexplicable than they were to me * Ye must be born again ! 
 And this great change was from without, and beyond me. 
 
 "As my school-girl days grew on, the thoughts of life, my 
 school studies, and the beautiful imaginings of the future, kept all 
 these painful thoughts in abeyance. Yet I would sometimes, amid 
 the gayest occupations of life, seem to hear those words Ye 
 must be born again ! They were like the death-watch beside the 
 bed of a dying man ; I could not get rid of their fearful forebodings. 
 
 " I was married young, and removed to this city, where all was 
 new to me. My husband was the idol of my affections; I lived 
 only to be happy; and as he could spend but little time with me 
 during the days of business, we spent our Sundays at home, or 
 in some pleasant excursion abroad. And for some two or three 
 years, I never saw the inside of a church, so that my mind became, 
 in a great measure, dispossessed of the feelings of my child 
 hood. 
 
 "Having removed into St. Thomas Square, in the immediate 
 vicinity of the Episcopal church, then under the pastoral charge 
 of the Reverend Verdant Green, my husband proposed we should 
 take a pew in it, and a very eligible seat becoming vacant, he hired 
 it, and when we had nothing else to do, we attended on this gen 
 tleman s ministry. I must acknowledge that the ritual was not, 
 at first, pleasing to me ; but the congregation was fashionable, and 
 I saw those there, whom I, this evening, have had the satisfaction 
 of seeing here. 
 
MRS. SMITH GOES TO " THE CHURCH." 239 
 
 " As the time for seeking their friendship had not then been 
 attained, they knew me only as a very well-dressed lady, whose 
 air and mien wore the marks of a high fashion, in the severest 
 style of costume ; for while everything was rich and well-made, 
 I rather sought to induce inquiry by my general air of refinement 
 and movement, than to be otherwise known. If in this I suc 
 ceeded, I attained my end. In the church I assumed quite the air 
 of a devotee the whole mien was one of profound attention, and 
 though I was dying to stare back upon my gazers, yet I deemed 
 it best to suit my demeanor to my costume. Few, perhaps none, 
 wore a richer collar, or a more costly mouchoir. 
 
 " I had the satisfaction to hear that I was noticed, inquired after, 
 and though the curiosity was more than satisfied when they learned 
 it was the wife of the great dry goods merchant down street, yet it 
 favored my ulterior plans, that they should be thus possessed of 
 the knowledge of the fact, that I really iiad an existence in this 
 breathing world. 
 
 " As I knew not what else to do at church, I listened to the 
 sermons of the Rev. Verdant Green. At first, I did not perfectly 
 comprehend what he said, nor whereof he affirmed. Some scraps 
 of thought would come up in some connection which was fami 
 liar, and recalled the religious sentiments of my childhood ; and 
 by degrees I began to drink into the spirit of his theology. I 
 found the symbol on the seal of the Prayer Book Society was 
 literally true, that the Prayer Book not only rested on iheface of 
 the Scriptures, but hid a good portion of them from view ; so 
 that in the Doctor s preaching, as on the seal, the Prayer Book was 
 uppermost. 
 
 " Gradually,! discovered coming into distinct shape, the dogma 
 that Christ had left himself perpetually incarnate through the sa 
 craments ; and that he now dispenses the gifts of the Holy Spirit, 
 not by imparting them directly to the individual who privately 
 studies, or publicly hears, the truths of the Word; or who, inde 
 pendently of all outward ordinances, seeks those gifts in secret 
 and believing prayer, but by having, once, for all, deposited those 
 gifts in the hands of the Apostles alone, to be by them handed 
 down, through and by successors, through sacraments, to the bo- * 
 dy of the Church.* 
 
 . " This was all new to me, and I took great pleasure in listen 
 ing to the doctor, who did me the favor to make 1 me frequent 
 visits, and even proffered his services in making me acquainted 
 with his friends ; which I deemed it best to decline. I told him 
 of the great bug-bear of my childhood, and he assured me that 
 
 * So Dr. Stone, of Brooklyn, in " Mysteries Opened," preface, p. 5, 1844. 
 
240 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 * the word regeneration in the Scripture, solely and exclusively 
 applied to the one effect of baptism, once administered ; and is 
 never synonymous with the repentance or reformation of a Chris 
 tian ; or was never used to express any operation of the Holy 
 Ghost upon the human mind subsequent to baptism, * and he said 
 with emphasis, * If the work of regeneration is not effected by 
 baptism, it is impossible for any sober man to say when and by 
 what means it is. t 
 
 " The Reverend gentleman was pleased with my conversion, 
 as he was pleased to call it, and was very kind in making me 
 frequent visits to show me the way of the church more perfectly, 
 and evinced no little solicitude that I should be brought into its 
 embraces. That the way of regeneration should have been so 
 simplified, and baptism made a sort of celestial rail road 1 to the 
 skies, was to me a grand discovery, and I was induced to request 
 him to baptize me at my own house ; and as 1 had a great disin 
 clination to making any parade of myself, he graciously acceded 
 to my wish to be baptized in my own parlor. I made a party of 
 a few friends the next evening in order that we should not lack 
 for auditors, and the Reverend doctor, before coffee and tea were 
 brought in, opened the prayer book to the appropriate forms, and 
 the ceremony commenced. I must confess it was not without 
 some misgivings on my part, for I found myself called upon to 
 
 * renounce the devil and all his works, the vain pomp and glory 
 of the world, so that I was no longer to follow, nor be led by 
 them, and I received the cross on my forehead in token that 
 
 * thereafter I was manfully to fight against sin, the world and the 
 devil. Pretty sweeping work it was," exclaimed Mrs. Smith. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black smiled with a most amused air, as 
 if it would have done his heart good to have given way to the 
 mirthfulness he suppressed. 
 
 Mrs. Smith s quick eye was not unobservant. She continued: 
 " I really don t know that I had any objection to the first of these 
 pledges, and as for the devil, I had no wish to make any com 
 pact with him; but what most truly pained me was, this renun 
 ciation of the pomp and glory of this world, of which I knew 
 so little, and hoped to know more ; but it was too late to retreat, 
 and I went through with the service, not altogether well pleased 
 with myself when it was over. 
 
 " This first step taken, the Reverend doctor was earnest I 
 should take the next, which was that of confirmation. But I 
 had no wish to figure among a dozen or more gaily dressed young 
 
 * So Bishop Tomline, in his refutation of Calvinism. 
 
 f So Bishop Mant., quoted in " Christian Observer," vol. xv. p. 70. 
 
ON CONFIRMATION. 241 
 
 girls, attired in all the pomp and pride and vanity of life kneeling 
 before the altar, making solemn vows which it seemed to me were 
 broken in the very act of taking them. 
 
 " The reverend doctor s visits now became alarmingly frequent, 
 and they rarely closed without a very warm Apostolical saluta 
 tion which I thought quite uncalled for in these degenerate days, 
 and not altogether safe to the lambs of the flock committed to 
 his charge : so I determined to make an end of the matter." 
 
 "And was not this a very difficult as well as delicate task?" 
 inquired the Gentleman in Black with a smile. 
 
 "It was," replied Mrs. Smith, with a bright saucy look, which 
 was exceedingly beautiful, "but I felt myself equal to the task; 
 and accordingly, when this subject was again renewed, I ventured 
 to express my doubts as to this rite being one of apostolical origin. 
 The doctor was astonished, and cited to me the text of the apos 
 tles going round confirming the churches. I asked him what 
 this could mean. If they believed before, then for them to preach 
 the gospel to churches, planted by evangelists, would doubtless 
 be a confirmation of the faith, and of the miracles of which they 
 had been eye witnesses, which indeed they had the power to re 
 peat. The doctor replied that the fathers were explicit on this 
 point ; the tradition was universal, and could not be questioned. 
 
 "This led to a discussion as to the virtues imparted in con 
 firmation. His replies to my inquiries were neither clear nor 
 convincing, and so the matter dropped at that time. 
 
 " The next visit, I asked him if he could tell me why it was 
 that the Roman priests, before they were ordained, had their 
 heads shaved?* He told me he really did not know, but doubt 
 less there was some good and sufficient reason. I replied, I had 
 had my thoughts turned to the subject by finding a passage in 
 St. Clement, and that it would seem to give a clue to the custom. 
 The Doctor, more and more interested, begged me to tell him 
 what had been my thoughts on the subject. I assumed so dif 
 fident an air, that he found it necessary to take a seat on the sofa 
 beside me, and to take my hand in his, and to entreat me to go on. 
 I told him he might think it very strange such thoughts should 
 come into my head, but I found them there, and they would not 
 go away; and the more I thought about them, the more plausi 
 ble they seemed to me. So after a little more encouragement on 
 his part, I ventured upon my theory of ordination. 
 
 "I asked him, if I understood the teaching of the Church, the 
 divine afflatus bestowed upon the apostles by the Saviour, de- 
 
 * The tonsure always precedes the consecration of priests. Encyclopaedia, 
 Americana, article " Tonsure." 
 1(5 
 
242 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 scended by emanation from them to and upon their successors 
 to the end of time ? He bowed his assent. * That this virtue 
 went out of them through the imposition of hands, laid on the 
 heads of those they ordained : and this being so, it seemed to me 
 it must be likened unto electricity, which has this peculiarity, 
 that though it passes through a chain of millions, is just as power 
 ful in the last link of the chain as in the first. Is it so ? The 
 Doctor said, the figure was certainly admirably appropriate, and 
 perfectly correct. Then, I said, * if it be so, and these are the 
 laws of impartation of this grace of apostleship and ordination, it 
 must be obvious that if there be any link broken, or foreign body 
 intervening, the fluid must cease to flow. The Doctor looked 
 grave; he did not exactly like this Socratic mode of reasoning 
 but I looked him in the face for a response. He said, you do 
 not mean to bring up the charge that any link is wanting in the 
 claims of the Church to an unbroken succession. By no means 
 but have I fairly stated the position? any link broken, or any 
 foreign body intervening, contrary to the laws of divine influence, 
 the current would cease? He said, yes, that seems to be just; 
 perfectly so. But what is this quotation from Clement? Wait 
 a while, I said; I haven t come to that. 
 
 "Really, my dear Mrs. Smith," interrupted the Gentleman in 
 Black, " I am in as great a fog as the reverend Doctor, and can by 
 no means guess where you are coming out." 
 
 Mrs. Smith gave one of her beautiful, gay laughs, and said 
 " I was really astonished at my success so far, and thought it was 
 time to bring matters to a close, so I said Now we know that 
 hair is a bad conductor, indeed, a non-conductor, of electric fluid, 
 and the heads of the priests were, in my opinion, shaved before 
 being ordained, that there should be no obstacle to the most per 
 fect and complete impartation of the virtues conferred in ordina 
 tion. The Doctor seemed surprised at such a result, and I con 
 tinued This idea is confirmed, and, indeed, positively asserted 
 
 by St. Clement. Is he not a saint, and good authority ? I asked- 
 4 Very good, he replied. Well, then, I continued, Clement, 
 in his Pedagogue, says "False hair is utterly to be abominated ; 
 it is, moreover, impious to wear the hair of the dead for upon 
 whom does the bishop lay his hand ? Upon whom does he pro 
 nounce his blessing? not, surely, upon the women so decorated, but 
 on the false hair, and therefore upon the strange head!" Now, 
 Doctor, what becomes of those confirmations of men who wear 
 wigs and scratches, and women who wear false hair ? St. Cle 
 ment is a Christian father one of the great lights of the church. 
 Is he a false light ? If he be worthy of his high reputation, then 
 are not all such confirmations void and worthless ? 
 
OF THE ORDINATION OF PRIESTS. 243 
 
 " The Doctor was perplexed, and turned aside the force of my 
 inquiry, by playing with my curls, and saying, in his sweetest 
 manner My dear child, though this be so, these are as true as 
 they are lovely this beautiful head, laying his hand upon it, 
 * wears no false hair. * 
 
 " Seeing I was about to renew the controversy, he pulled out 
 his watch, and pleading an engagement, took his leave, and from 
 that time he made me no more visits, and the subject of my con 
 firmation was never again spoken of." 
 
 "My dear madam," said the Gentleman in Black, with a look 
 expressive of the most entire admiration, " you have really taken 
 me by surprise. And do you know that you have unsettled the 
 entire superstructure of the church, as to the validity of their or 
 dinations, in a direction never before attempted ?" 
 
 " Is it possible !" exclaimed Mrs. Smith. " How could I have 
 done so much mischief by a little piece of pleasantry ?" 
 
 The Gentleman in Black replied : " The doctor doubtless 
 would have said to you in the words of Sir Roger L Estrange s 
 fable of the frogs pelted by the boys with stones : This may be 
 fun for you, but tis death to us. My dear madam, you have 
 cited the authority of a great father of the church you have 
 cited a custom of the Catholic Church, the reason for which, 
 though perhaps forgotten, has never ceased to be practised, and in 
 opposition to these comes the appalling fact that the practice of 
 the church, has been for centuries to constitute men bishops 
 wearing wigs of vast size, saturated with oil, and covered with 
 powder, so if your views be correct, and they have a strong pro 
 bability in their favor, the current of divine influence has long 
 since been interrupted, the links of succession have been broken, 
 and the church has not had a bishop, priest, or deacon set apart 
 for years, on whose ministrations any sane man would risk, if it 
 were a matter of dollars and cents, instead of their souls salva 
 tion, a single dollar. No, madam ! if the insurance of their lives 
 or houses depended on the validity of these ordinations and bap 
 tismal regenerations, not a man would pay the premium of a mill 
 on a million of dollars at stake." 
 
 " My dear sir," replied Mrs. Smith, " you astonish me but 
 
 * Lest Mrs. Smith s argument should disturb the peace of any of my read 
 ers, it is due to them to state, that Lysons, in his work on the environs of Lon 
 don, tells us, that at Lambeth Palace is a gallery of portraits, which contains 
 the pictures of all the archbishops, from Laud to the present time, from which 
 it appears that Archbishop Tillotson was the first who wore a wig, which 
 was not unlike the natural hair, and even without powder. Wigs, such as 
 are referred to by the Gentleman in Black, came into fashion at a subsequent 
 day. 
 
244 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 let us keep it a secret * Where ignorance is bliss, tis folly to be 
 wise. If it were known, there would be a new motive for all 
 these pious people becoming Catholics at once, which would be 
 dreadful indeed. 
 
 " After the lapse of a couple of years," continued Mrs. Smith, 
 " we removed up town, and my husband was pleased to take a 
 deep interest in the erection of a new church, which was placed 
 under the care of a distinguished scholar from the city of Bos- 
 tonia. Here I found myself introduced to an entirely new set of 
 opinions. At first, I was at a loss to comprehend the faith of 
 Jesus, as it was styled. The Redeemer was shorn of his divini 
 ty, and yet there was at the close of the prayers some words as 
 though he held some place as an intercessor, for they usually 
 ended with some such phrase as, all which we offer in the name, 
 or through the name of thy son, our Saviour, &c. 
 
 " The sermons were gracefully delivered, and very beautifully 
 written, and the rewards of virtue and the deformity of vice were 
 skillfully presented. By degrees, I found the Bible was not 
 what I had been taught to believe it to be the word of God, 
 through iioly men, who spake as they were moved by the Holy 
 Ghost ; and, indeed, in a short time, I began to doubt the person 
 ality of the Holy Spirit. This was my first step in the progress 
 I made in what was termed liberal Christianity. 
 
 " By degrees I grew familiarized to doubt the integrity of the 
 Scriptures ; and to give you an example or two, I was taught 
 that the narrative of Luke was in a style rather poetical than 
 historical. With its real miracles, the fictions of oral traditions 
 had probably become blended, and that the individual by whom 
 it was committed to writing, probably added what he regarded as 
 poetical embellishments. That with our present means of judg 
 ing, we could not draw a precise line between the truth and what 
 has been added to the truth. * That the cast of the narrative 
 respecting Christ s nativity, has something of a poetical and even 
 fabulous character. ! That fictions began early to be propagated 
 concerning the nativity and childhood of Jesus, and that to these 
 the narrative contained in the first and second chapter of Mat 
 thew appear to belong, from its intrinsic character and in the 
 story of the Magi, we find represented a strange mixture of as 
 trology and miracle. I 
 
 * Prof. Norton s Evidence of the Genuineness of the Gospels. Additional 
 Notes, p. 61, 62. 
 
 t Ibid., Add. Notes, p. 54. f Ibid., Add. Notes, p. 59. 
 
 Prof. Norton has here placed in the same age with the Gospels of Luke 
 and Matthew, the puerile fictions of the "Protevangelion" and "the Infancy 
 of Jesus." Those who have read these pious frauds of some stupid monk, 
 
LIBERAL CHRISTIANITY. 245 
 
 "And so I found the big ha Bible, ance my father s pride, 
 gradually reduced in size as well as respectability. Moses and 
 the Old Testament faded away till they became the myths of the 
 ancient Hebrews, and having thus summarily got rid of the larger 
 half of the Bible, the work of demolition went on from time to 
 time, as topics occurred, until I knew not what was left. 
 
 " The New Testament underwent a severe scrutiny, which 
 lessened its bulk materially. All the genealogies of Christ were 
 imaginary, and the innocent fictions of well meaning men, who, 
 to give force to the teachings of their Master, so far catered to the 
 expectations of the people, and thus sought to meet the demand 
 for a divine origin of their Messiah. Then, as I have already 
 stated, the miraculous birth of Jesus, and the miracles, one by 
 one, began to disappear in the powerful alembic to which they 
 were subjected. The devil, so long the object of youthful terror, 
 became the personification only of evil passions. All this while 
 we were encouraged to cherish an admiration for all that bore the 
 stamp of genius, the only inspiration that seemed to be recog 
 nized." 
 
 " You interest me exceedingly," said the Gentleman in Black ; 
 " won t you be so kind as to give me this with somewhat more 
 of particularity ?" 
 
 "With great pleasure," replied Mrs. Smith. "You must 
 know, that in my new found church of liberal Christianity, we 
 had two classes of persons, the initiated and the uninitiated, and 
 for these there were two styles of preaching and conversation, 
 which may be well styled the exoteric and the esoteric, for a 
 while I was with all propriety placed in the first class, and it was 
 only after becoming familiarized to the new views, that I was in 
 doctrinated into the mysteries of the shekinah. It was then I 
 learned for the first time, that in the Old Testament, the history of 
 the creation of paradise, and of Adam and Eve, were nothing but 
 allegories and myths. That the Pentateuch, which may be looked 
 upon as a sort of theoretic epic, was not written by Moses, but 
 was completed at a much later period ; and Jehovah was but a 
 household god or Fetiche, of the family of Abraham, which David, 
 Solomon and the prophets, afterwards promoted to the rank of 
 Creator of all things. The book of Esther was pronounced an 
 historical romance, and that of Ruth, written for the purpose of 
 proving David to have sprung from a good family. As to poor 
 Jonah and his whale, it was but the repetition of the fable of 
 
 will be best able to see the full force of the contempt thus thrown upon the 
 Evangelists. It is difficult to conceive how Gibbon could have made an at 
 tack more insidious upon the claims of the Gospel to the respect of mankind. 
 
 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
246 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 Hercules swallowed by a sea-monster. The prophets were al 
 lowed, by some, to have been clever men, who saw further into 
 futurity than their fellow men,* while others assigned them the 
 character of demagogues and radical reformers,! and as to the 
 prophecy of the destruction of Babylon, which was somewhat 
 perplexing to young beginners, it was confidently asserted that 
 it was written by some one present at the siege ; and as to the 
 predictions supposed to refer to Jesus, in the same rhapsodies, 
 as the prophecies were called, they relate to the fortunes and ulti 
 mate fate of prophets in general. 
 
 "Now to come down to the New Testament the birth of 
 Jesus is ranked in the class of mythological fictions, along with 
 the stories of the incarnations of the Indian gods, and more espe 
 cially that of Bhudda s generation, from a virgin who had con 
 ceived him by a rainbow. 
 
 "As to the teachings of Jesus, and certain claims made by him, 
 there was no little difficulty to save something out of the com 
 mon ruin, upon which to build the Christian Church. It was 
 deemed a sufficient and satisfactory answer, by a neologist, to all 
 such questions, that his motive for making claims to a divine 
 origin, was, that he might have more weight as a moral teacher; 
 and in like manner he was induced to personate the Messiah, 
 from the notion entertained by his admirers, that he was that 
 promised personage. But some held that Jesus was a noble ma 
 gician, who on his own part never conceived of being the founder 
 of a religion, and whose Institute only assumed the form of re 
 ligion by time.J 
 
 " Still there were many things in the writings of the Apostles 
 which were sad stumbling-blocks in our exegesis, and it was final 
 ly resolved, that much of the obscurity of these doctrines was 
 owing to the stupidity and superstition of these apostles, who 
 misunderstood, in many instances, the language of their master, 
 and whose gross misconception of his promises as to a future 
 kingdom, involved him with difficulties from which he saw no 
 other way of extricating himself honorably but by death. "|| 
 
 " May I task you, my dear madarn, to tell me how you were 
 let in behind the scenes, to become so great a proficient in these 
 * mysteries ? 
 
 " I fear you are already wearied with my narrative," replied 
 Mrs. Smith, with a look of the most graceful embarrassment. 
 
 * Eichorn. j- So says Mr. Rose of the Neologists of Germany. 
 
 J Wieland. 
 
 So De Wette, on the Death of Christ. 
 || Travels of an Irish Gentleman in Search of a Religion, p. 204. 
 
LIBERAL CHRISTIANITY. 247 
 
 " By no means, madam," replied the Gentleman in Black, with 
 enthusiasm, " I deem, with Goethe, the greatest and deepest 
 theme of the history of the world and of man, is the conflict be 
 tween faith and unbelief?* and need I say how deep an interest I 
 take in your narration of this conflict in your own soul." 
 
 Mrs. "Smith s look told the pleasure she felt from the compli 
 ment paid her by the Gentleman in Black, whose tones and coun 
 tenance made his last words very expressive. She continued : 
 
 " I have, as you see, somewhat anticipated my narrative. 
 
 " One Sabhath morning, we had a stranger, whose sermon was 
 full of old-fashioned, orthodox phrases, with meanings purely con 
 ventional, of which I had only a glimpse here and there, and it 
 wore such an air of devotion, and so much of the forms of evan 
 gelical piety, that when he had finished, I was entirely at fault to 
 know what he had meant by all that he had told us. 
 
 " There had come up a sudden shower, and as I had no course 
 to take but to wait till it was over, or my husband should send 
 our carriage for me, I sat in the corner of my pew, and fell into 
 a brown study, which must have lasted a longtime. I was awak 
 ened by a lady of very distinguished air and manner, whom I 
 had observed, with her daughter, to be very constant attendants 
 at church. She addressed me, by saying That her carriage was 
 just gone with some friends who were in like predicament with 
 myself, and as I lived in her street, she would, on its return, be 
 happy if I would take a seat in it on her way home. I thanked 
 her for her courtesy, and gratefully accepted her polite invitation. 
 
 "Her daughter then advanced towards us. She was singularly 
 beautiful, and her mother very kindly introduced her to me, and 
 we all sat down, awaiting the coming of her carriage. 
 
 "* What did you think of the sermon we have just heard? 
 inquired Mrs. Percy, for that was the name of my new-found 
 friend. 
 
 " I replied, very frankly, that I had been greatly mystified by 
 the use of old evangelical phrases, used with new significations, 
 and that I felt a deep repugnance to this mode of teaching. It 
 seemed to me a want of fairness on the part of the preacher, 
 and of confidence in his opinions. 
 
 " Mrs. Percy asked me if I had been taught to believe in the 
 inspiration of the Scriptures, as received by the orthodox ? 
 
 " I replied, That I had been so taught, but that since I had 
 become an attendant at this church, I had been led to doubt the 
 correctness of my early impressions, and that I found myself in 
 
 * Goethe ; so quoted by Tholuck, in History of Theology, chap. 2, sect. 1. 
 
248 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 a labyrinth of doubt, and could find no clue which would lead me 
 to that certainty in my new views, which I had once possessed. 
 
 " That, she said, was a very natural condition of mind to 
 be in, and which she had herself passed through. 
 
 " And have you, my dear madam, I asked, * any two-foot 
 rule any acknowledged standard, by which to measure all this 
 conflict of opinion ? I should be most grateful if you will tell 
 me where I can obtain it, for I find myself greatly perplexed. 
 
 " Oh! she replied, that is, indeed, a chief requisite, which is 
 hard to attain ; but before we can build the temple of Truth, we 
 must first remove the rubbish which for centuries has been accu 
 mulating upon the souls of men, weighing them down, as millstones 
 about their necks, in a slough of doubt and despondency. 
 
 " Alas ! I replied, that is all doubtless very true, but this 
 rubbish? 
 
 " This rubbish is the finite, the present, the apparent, which 
 bounds our vision, and shuts up from our souls, the infinite, the 
 future, and the real. There is an education of the senses, a 
 training them to perfectness ; and it is invested with a great charm. 
 As we pass, in fancy, out from the brick walls of civilized life, 
 with what imposing greatness bursts upon our thought, the form 
 of the unadulterated savage, with his eye like an eagle s, his ear 
 like the startled fawn s, and his step like the panther of the wil 
 derness. This is not sensualism, but the perfection of the sen 
 suous nature : it is the human form in harmony with untroubled 
 streams and unbroken forests, belonging, in no mean relation, to 
 the picture that is arched in the receding heavens. 
 
 " The utmost perfectness of his well trained eye and ear re 
 veals naught beyond the finite to the savage ; his eagle eye, pierce 
 it ever so high or far, sees not God : but a voice comes, as it 
 were, from behind him, a presence from beneath the outward ; 
 and from the infinity within, is revealed the Great Spirit and the 
 land of shades beyond the utmost hunting ground. * 
 
 "I looked my admiration, but for the life of me, I was in a 
 mizmaze, and could only express my gratitude by showing my 
 self a good listener. 
 
 " She continued: this presence in us of the infinite and unseen 
 is variously called the moral, spiritual, or religious nature. From 
 this realm within, issues our love of the beautiful, our aspirations 
 for the august, our aspiration for the high, our power to do, or to 
 forbear. It is the birth-place of genius, the portal of revelation, 
 
 * Such is the language of Transcendentalists, as contained in a work greatly 
 admired, entitled "Studies in Religion," p. 17. New York. Printed by C. 
 Shepard. 1845. 
 
TRANSCENDENTALISM. 249 
 
 the threshold on which God and man meet. It is worth while 
 to cultivate and perfect the consciousness of such a nature, to lean 
 back on eternity, while the straws of time float hither and thither 
 at our feet, to live in the centre of God, and feel the beatings of 
 the heart of all things. 
 
 "Fine words indeed!" exclaimed the Gentlemen in Black. 
 " I not only wonder where she stole em, but what do they 
 mean?" 
 
 " Indeed, that is what I can t tell you. I was often reminded, 
 in my subsequent conversations with this lady, of the mirage of 
 the desert, which in the distance wears the most attractive aspects 
 of groves and living waters, of cities with their golden minarets, 
 all which vanish as you approach them ; and yet twas long 
 before I found this out, and from oft repeated failures, (believing 
 the fault lay in my own mind,) I have renewed my pilgrimage on 
 the desert before me, in hope that I should at last reach the abso 
 lute and the real, which I seemed about to grasp, but which again 
 fled before me." 
 
 " This leaning back upon eternity, is really wonderful," said 
 the Gentleman in Black, " and I should think those who tried it, 
 would be likely to fall backward. Such people may be called," 
 continued the Gentleman in Black, smiling, " the Homeopaths of 
 Pantheism, who, having made an extract from Spinoza, dilute it 
 in volumes of words, so that his thought is reduced to the deca- 
 tillionth of a grain, of which a few drops taken by a weak head 
 upon an empty stomach, makes them God-intoxicated.^ "t 
 
 Mrs. Smith laughed at the oddness of the Gentleman in Black s 
 remark, and said, " It certainly has a very wonderful effect on 
 one s brains. And I found mine all in a whirl as I listened to 
 Mrs. Percy, who, finding me a willing auditor, went on. 
 
 " The law came by Moses : serious, severe, majestic Moses ; 
 but Jesus ascended the spiritual light further than Moses : the 
 impassible mountain ridge of law, that seemed the ultimate to the 
 latter, became in the experience of the former, fused in the em 
 bracing atmosphere of love. The revelation of love is the high 
 est we can attain unto. Love is spontaneous, and springs from 
 unity : spirit recognizes itself under all forms, and through love 
 seeks re-union : the soul seeks truth, beauty, goodness, from the 
 instinctive impulse that springs up from unity of nature. ! 
 
 " Spirit, continued Mrs. Percy, is the invisible force be 
 hind, or in everything that appears. The outward is not reality, 
 but the form of it : the outward is the manifestation of the in- 
 
 * See p. 18. Studies of Nature. 
 
 I This epithet has been applied to Spinoza. 
 Studies in Religion, pp. 34 and 36. 
 
250 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 ward ; the sensuous is the apparition of the spiritual. The 
 human frame, no more than the stars and flowers, but equally 
 with them, are appearances of an invisible reality, of spirit. 
 The star is body, so the flower, and so our form. It is not in a 
 figurative sense that flowers and stars are our brothers. * 
 
 " Mrs. Percy stopped for a reply; I was at my wit s end what 
 to say, and not liking to show my profound ignorance, I asked 
 her a question, which I thought would act like the winding up of 
 a watch. 
 
 " What, dear madam, was revealed in and through Jesus 
 Christ? The principle of voluntary obedience, she replied. 
 This is a peculiar characteristic of Jesus s mission; voluntary 
 obedience, not obedience to a prescribed law because we must, 
 but obedience to it because we love it, choose it, and are one with 
 it; because in obeying it, we act out ourselves. ! 
 
 " By the free action of the living spirit we are saved. The 
 great object of Jesus was to establish faith in spirit, as the primal, 
 sovereign element in which we move. J 
 
 " I was quite at a loss what next to say, and with the despera 
 tion of a poor old slave I once heard of, whose fervent piety 
 was thrown off in loud Amens ! which sometimes were exceed 
 ingly inappropriate, and for which he was often reproved ; in the 
 midst of an earnest prayer which warmed up his heart to such a 
 pitch, that he cried out, Amen, at a venter ! so I asked Mrs. 
 Percy, what was life ? 
 
 " * Life, she replied, is the mode in which the invisible spirit 
 shows itself. My life is the making visible of the invisible 
 power; I My life, stands in the same relation to me that I do to 
 God. And if life is the making visible the invisible, there can 
 be nothing in life which is not first in the soul. 
 
 " If my definition of life be correct, continued Mrs. Percy, 
 that it is only the putting forth of the living being, and has no 
 character, only as it takes it from that, then my destiny, or that 
 which I am destined to do, depends upon my nature. I must 
 necessarily do what I am. If I am a stone, I must do a stone s 
 life. I cannot do otherwise than what I am. A lump of ice 
 cannot ignite, because it is not in its nature to do so. Being what 
 I am, I must do as I am. Destiny lies farther back than life; it 
 is in the soul itself; its nature is destined : and as this nature is 
 defined in its origin as son of God, its destiny flows from its 
 origin. My nature is destined ; it is not my choice : I willed 
 not to come into being as the son of God : I was sent ; in my 
 
 * Studies in Religion, p. 11. f Ibid., p. 40. 
 
 J Ibid., p. 41. Studies in Religion, p. 162. 
 
CIRCLE OF FREE INQUIRERS. 251 
 
 origin is the solution of my destiny ; as I am a child of God, or 
 of the good, the infinite, so I am destined to do the good, the 
 eternal ; it is my nature so to do, laid upon me by an irresistible 
 fiat: it is natural; I am born to it. * 
 
 " At this moment the arrival of the carriage was announced, 
 and as we rode home, Mrs. Percy proposed I should join a cir 
 cle of inquirers, as she styled them, who met once a week at 
 each other s houses, to prosecute their studies in religion. I ex 
 pressed my fears that my profound ignorance would be a barrier 
 which would be insurmountable ; but if herself and friends 
 would permit me to come as a listener, it would afford me the 
 greatest gratification. 
 
 " The next week I received a note inviting me to meet her 
 friends at her own house. 1 accordingly went, and was intro 
 duced into the parlor, where there were ten ladies, all wearing 
 the aspects of fashion and refinement, and as I discovered after 
 wards, of superior attainments. Most of them were younger 
 than myself. I was received with extreme kindness and cor 
 diality. I expressed my acknowledgments for their politeness, 
 and repeated my fears that I should be found a dull scholar, and 
 that they must be content to begin with me at the alphabet of 
 their science. 
 
 " My dear Mrs. Smith, said Miss Eleanor Saville, you must 
 put us a question which, to your mind, seems the starting-point, 
 the first letter in the alphabet of knowledge. 
 
 " I replied, I wish to know what is true in Christianity ? 
 
 " This is, indeed, she said, the pivotal of all our inquiries. 
 There are some differences in the German schools, which have 
 been designated as the Naturalists, who regard Christianity as 
 founded on facts historical but not miraculous, and the Rational 
 ists, who see in Jesus a virtuous man, and in the historians of his 
 life, persons who believed what they wrote. The Naturalists 
 explain the miracles on what they consider natural principles, 
 while the Nationalists, of whom Strauss is one, deem the whole 
 as mythical. 
 
 " For my part, said a young lady, I agree with the Wolfen- 
 biittel Fragmentist,t in believing both Moses and Jesus were po 
 litical deceivers, and that the death of the latter was an event un- 
 
 * Studies in Religion. 
 
 f S. H. Reimarus, edited by Lessing. Tholuck, speaking of the Wolfen- 
 bvittel Fragmentist, says " There was, for a long time, a debate who the au 
 thor of this work really was; but Samuel Reimarus. professor in Hamburg, 
 acknowledged himself as the author on his death bed." 
 
 The author says " Christ wished to establish an earthly kingdom, but fail 
 ing in his enterprise, made the despairing exclamation on the cross." 
 
252 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 expected by himself, and which his disciples could only meet by 
 feigning an account of his resurrection. And how can Prof. Norton 
 call his own pupils "Infidels," for their unbelief (as he is pleased 
 to style it), when he himself questions the resurrection of the 
 saints !* If Christ appeared to his disciples, why may not his 
 saints ? 
 
 " As for Moses, continued the young lady, the evidences of 
 his uncommon wisdom, doubtless, passed among his countrymen for 
 miracles, and as Strauss says, " his calling was nothing else than 
 that this patriot" (these are his words, not my own,) " when the 
 long-cherished thought of delivering his people returned to him 
 with uncommon vividness in a dream, held this for a divine 
 monition. The smoke and burning of Sinai, at the giving of the 
 law, were but a fire which Moses had kindled upon the mountain, 
 for the purpose of producing an effect upon the imagination of the 
 people, with which, accidentally, a heavy thunder-storm coincided. 
 The shining of his countenance was the result of great excite 
 ment, which not only the people, but Moses himself, as he knew 
 not the true origin, considered as something divine." t 
 
 " It would seem, I ventured to say to this young lady, that 
 the Bible then is a mere collection of fables. | 
 
 " No, replied the lady, the Scriptural accounts were not, per 
 haps, intentionally deceptive, and therefore not fables, but they 
 are mythical, either veiling great truths in a figurative dress, or 
 describing real events in the form they had acquired from the ex 
 aggerations of popular tradition. I must confess, however, tis 
 so hard to sift the wheat from the chaff, that the rewards are not 
 worth the labor ! 
 
 " May I ask, I inquired of the lady who last spoke, what 
 may be deemed to be the facts which are to be relied on, so far 
 as the Saviour is concerned ? She replied, * With regard to the 
 actual life of Jesus, the foundation on which this immense mass 
 of fable has been constructed, according to Strauss, are these: 
 
 * The miracle of the appearing of the saints after the death of Christ, is 
 thus spoken of by Prof. Norton, in his Evidences of the Genuineness of the 
 Gospels, Additional Notes, pp. 78, 79. " Who, it may be asked, were these 
 saints ? How long had they lain in their sepulchres ? After Christ s re 
 surrection, it is said, they left their sepulchres, and went into the Holy City. 
 In this extraordinary statement, we may recognize, I think, the fabrication of 
 some relator of the story. If these views are correct, the story must be re 
 garded as a fable." His charge of infidelity on his pupils, is shown by a letter 
 published in Boston Daily Advertiser, Oct. 15, 1838. 
 
 See Appendix B, for articles by Prof. Norton in Boston Daily Advertiser. 
 
 t Life of Christ, by Strauss. Vol. i. p. 19. 
 
 J See Appendix C, for articles on Transcendentalism. 
 
 Strauss makes this distinction. 
 
253 
 
 " Jesus was a native of Nazareth, the son of Joseph and Mary ; 
 the entire account of his birth in Bethlehem, with all its circum 
 stances of danger and of miracle, belongs to that class of myths 
 which proceed from the popular desire of glorifying the early 
 life of distinguished men. Some exhibition of uncommon intelli 
 gence in childhood, may have given rise to the story of his so 
 journ in the temple, when twelve years old, though this is doubt 
 ful. He probably may have had some instruction from the 
 Essenes, or from the Rabbins and intelligent persons whom he 
 met at the feasts at Jerusalem. At about thirty years of age he 
 became a follower of John the Baptist, who appears to have be 
 longed to the ascetic sect of the Essenes, and to have proclaimed 
 the popular idea, very natural among an oppressed people, that 
 the great expected national deliverer, the Messiah, was at hand. 
 Jesus probably remained a follower of John, much longer than 
 the partiality of tradition would allow us to believe. At length 
 he began to preach at first, the same doctrine with the Baptist, 
 that the Messiah was soon to appear. Gradually, as he became 
 conscious of his own extraordinary mental powers, the idea oc 
 curred to him, that he was destined to fill that office. His con 
 ception of the messiahship, which at first, may have been similar 
 to that entertained by the people at large, rose with his increasing 
 experience, until, applying to himself the prophecies of the Old 
 Testament, which speaks of the Son of God as suffering, he was 
 convinced that a violent death, which the malice and the power 
 of his enemies rendered probable, was a part of his great mission. 
 Having exercised the office of a teacher of virtue and the re 
 prover of hypocrisy, he was at length put to death. He did not 
 rise again, but the excited imaginations of his followers presented 
 his form in visions ; a report spread of his resurrection, which 
 was believed among his followers, and contributed chiefly to the 
 success of his religion." * 
 
 " I returned my thanks to the lady for her admirable synopsis, 
 but could not but express my surprise, that so singular a fact as 
 the resurrection of Christ should have obtained credit, and been 
 so carefully vouched for. This remark of mine drew out quite 
 a number of these ladies. One spoke of the very short time our 
 Saviour hung on the cross, taken in connection with the known 
 slowness of that mode of death. 
 
 " * But the spear in his side, said I. 
 
 " * Oh that cannot be considered as historical, replied a lady. 
 
 " Another remarked, that it was difficult to distinguish swoons 
 from catalepsy. 
 
 * See Christian Examiner, Sept. 1845, 
 
254 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " And another lady gave an example from Josephus, who re 
 lates, that of three of his acquaintances whom he obtained per 
 mission from Titus to have taken from the cross, two died, and 
 a third was restored.* 
 
 " One lady told us, that Paulus supposes Jesus to have been 
 taken from the cross in a swoon, and recovered by the effect 
 of the powerful spices placed around him, while his wounds 
 were mollified by the oils used in embalming. Another thought 
 that an earthquake and a flash of lightning contributed to 
 awaken him. Another quoted Bahrdt, who supposes that Jesus 
 submitted to be crucified, and feigned to expire; that he was taken 
 from the cross and resuscitated through the application of medi 
 cal means, by his secret associates. While another lady stated, 
 that it was held by other distinguished Germans, that he was 
 thrown into a death-like sleep by a draught which his confede 
 rates had administered for that purpose. ! 
 
 "I must confess, that though these conflicting opinions startled 
 and confounded me, they did not satisfy me. If the narrative be 
 in any degree true, six hours on the cross was likely to destroy 
 life, even had there been no spear to have pierced the side of the 
 Saviour, and the cold air of a cavern and the aroma of spices 
 would have rather stifled the last breath of life, than have pro 
 moted his resuscitation, so it seemed to me, and I ventured to 
 say I could not but express my regret, that the resurrection 
 could be questioned, as all hope of our future life seemed to rest 
 on the integrity of this part of the evangelical history. 
 
 " * My dear Mrs. Smith, replied the lady of the house, a life 
 beyond the grave is the last enemy which speculative criticism 
 has to oppose, and if possible to vanquish. J 
 
 " This was sufficient for a first lesson, and I went home to 
 ponder over what I had heard. The next day I received a visit 
 from Helen Percy. She was in her nineteenth year, her form 
 was slender and tall, her face full of sweetness, and eyes beauti 
 fully bright. I was greatly pleased with her from the first mo 
 ment I met her. She seemed to me the very personification of 
 gentleness and goodness. 
 
 "After our first salutations were over, she said, I have called 
 to bring you the pamphlet which my mother had promised to 
 find you yesterday. I thought you would be the better pleased 
 if I brought it ; and I wanted to hear what you thought of all 
 you heard yesterday. 
 
 * Strauss, vol. ii. p. 048. f So quoted by Ch. Ex., Sept. 1845. 
 
 J Strauss, as quoted by Dr. Beard. See Appendix B, for the state of reli 
 gious opinions in Germany. 
 
TRANSCENDENTAL PHILOSOPHY. 255 
 
 " I told her, * I was every way gratified that she should have 
 made me the call, and that as I was so entirely at a loss to under 
 stand much I had heard, she would render me the greatest ser 
 vice, if she would give me some private lessons. 
 
 " She replied, It would give me great happiness in any way 
 to please you, for I m sure I shall like you very much, and I want 
 you to permit me to cultivate your acquaintance. Mother has 
 expressed the hope that we shall be very good friends. 
 
 " This was a most unexpected pleasure ; to be sought by one 
 of the most lovely and attractive of the young ladies of Babylon, 
 who was herself surrounded by all that was distinguished, and a 
 compliment from my own sex too, that gave me a moment of en 
 joyment I had, never before experienced. I have been thus par 
 ticular, because this young lady has been to me the most pre 
 cious, indeed, the only friend I have ever known. The pamphlet 
 was the Dial, a publication recently commenced, and opening 
 it carelessly, my eye rested on a passage which read thus 
 
 " GENESIS. The popular Genesis is historical. It is written 
 to sense and not to soul. Two principles, diverse and alien, in 
 terchange the godhead, and sway the world by turns. God is 
 dual. Spirit is derivative. Unity is actual melody. The poles 
 of things are not integrated ; creation is globed and orbed. Yet 
 in the true genesis, nature is globed in the material, souls orbed 
 in the spiritual firmament. Love globes, wisdom orbs, all things. 
 As magnet the steel, so spirit attracts matter, which trembles to 
 traverse the poles of diversity and rest in the bosom of unity. 
 Jill genesis is of love. Wisdom is her form, beauty her cos 
 tume. 
 
 " I read the passage aloud to Helen, and asked her what it 
 meant; she confessed, smiling, That she did not know. It was 
 singular that I should have hit upon a passage which she said 
 had puzzled the coterie at one of their meetings, and which no 
 one could solve to the satisfaction of any one, though all had their 
 several renderings. 
 
 " Can you, my dear sir, tell me what it means ?" asked Mrs. 
 Smith, " for to this day it remains unsolved. There seems to be 
 a great deal contained in it, but it eludes all my powers of com 
 prehension." 
 
 " My dear madam," replied the Gentleman in Black, " what 
 BLUMENBACH said of Phrenology, may be said of this Neology : 
 * What is new in all this, is not true, and what is true, is not new. 
 The passage you have recited is merely a new phase given to 
 old authors, who are now masqueraded for the admiration and 
 bewilderment of these would be Pantheists of the present day, 
 and proves the truth of Dugald Stewart s observation before re- 
 
256 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 peated by me this evening, that opinions are like tunes on a bar 
 rel organ, which recur at intervals with a uniformity unwavering. 
 Cudworth quotes a hymn by Sammius Rhodius, in his wings, 1 
 in honor of love as the active principle before Chaos, and out of 
 which the world was made, reading thus : 
 
 " I am not of that wanton boy 
 The sea-forth goddess s only joy, 
 Pure heavenly love, I hight, and my 
 Soft magic charms, not iron bands, fast tie 
 Heaven, earth and seas ; the gods themselves do readily 
 Stoop to my laws. The whole world dances to my harmony. * 
 
 and Aristophanes in his Aves, says, That at first was nothing 
 but night and chaos, which, laying an egg, from thence produced 
 love, that mingled again with chaos, begot heaven, earth, and ani 
 mals, and all the gods. t 
 
 " The grand enigma to be solved," continued the Gentleman in 
 Black, " is Life. The great minds of Greece, with a sagacity never 
 surpassed, sought to find a way out of the dark labyrinth in 
 which they found themselves involved. They looked on the 
 world as they found it, and sought to know its origin. Panthe 
 ism is as old as Noah s ark, and though the world was washed 
 clean of it by the flood, the seeds of it soon again germinated on 
 the plains of Shinar, and has ever held sway in the minds of men 
 capacitated to look beyond the * shows of things. And the 
 theory of development, which has been recently revived with 
 so much admiration, is as old as Pythagoras." 
 
 " What is the theory you speak of?" asked Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " It is that brought forward as a new discovery, by the author 
 of the Vestiges of Creation, J that a globule, having a new globule 
 forming within itself, which is the fundamental form of organic 
 being, may be produced in albumen by electricity ; and as such 
 
 * Cudworth, vol. i. p. 267. t Ibid., vol. i. p. 264. 
 
 J The success of this work (the " Vestiges of Creation"), shows how suc 
 cessful old forms of thought can be re-vamped and made to pass as entirely 
 new theories. The pantheistic hyzozism (the attributing of life to matter) is 
 an old form of Grecian philosophy. Tholuck, in his essay on the nature and 
 moral influence of heathenism, says of it. "The Pythagorean Perictyon thus 
 mentions it as in itself very natural, when he says, whoever is in a situation 
 to resolve all the laws into one and the same fundamental power, and out of 
 this to replace and enumerate them together again, he seems to be the wisest, 
 and to have the nearest approach of the truth, and he also seems to have found 
 a watch-tower on which one can see God, and view all which pertains to him, 
 in its proper connection and order, and arranged in its appropriate place. 
 Just so was the import of polytheism described by the Stoic school. These 
 pantheistic materialists viewed God as the spiritual fire with whom the visible 
 world is connected in the most intimate union, as the substratum of activity." 
 
257 
 
 V 
 
 globules may be identical with living and reproductive cells, we 
 have the earliest germ of organic life the first cause of all the 
 species of animated nature, which people the earth, the ocean and 
 the air. Born of electricity and albumen, the simple monad is 
 the first living atom; the microscopic animalcules, the snail, the 
 worm, the reptile, the fish, the bird, and the quadruped, all spring 
 from its invisible loins. The human similitude at last appears in 
 the character of the monkey, the monkey rises into the baboon, 
 the baboon is exalted to the orang-outang, and the chimpanzee, 
 with a more human toe and shorter arms, gives birth to man, the 
 temporary autocrat of the animal world, but destined to give place 
 to higher orders of being, in the never-ending series of metamor 
 phoses with which futurity is pregnant. * 
 
 " This being a brother to a baboon is not so very gratifying, 
 after all," said Mrs. Smith. " It seems to me, the Mosaic account 
 of man being the work of God, created in his very image and 
 likeness, is decidedly preferable. Upon what new revelation or 
 discoveries does the author base his revival of this theory ?" 
 
 " It seems a Mr. Crosse produced, as he honestly believes, a 
 louse, by the action of certain acids and electricity ; this was a 
 wonderful discovery, and created a great sensation in the world, 
 and upon this, the solution of the enigma of life was again at 
 tempted." 
 
 " But then," said Mrs. Smith, " the ends of the chain of causes 
 will still descend from the clouds to be buried in the ocean ; I 
 don t see that it will help the matter much. I have heard of 
 breeding maggots in the brain, but this labor of the author of the 
 4 Vestiges falls short of the famous mountain of Esop. It is only 
 a louse. Well, let it riot in his own head; I shall not propagate 
 the species in mine." 
 
 " Let me remind you of your friend Helen," said the Gentle 
 man in Black ; " we have quite forgotten her, all this while." 
 
 " Oh ! she was a lovely girl; her education had been most care 
 fully conducted, and she was then a hard student, and ambitious 
 of still greater acquisitions. As I became better acquainted with 
 her, I loved her more and more, and I was soon a frequent visitor 
 at her father s house. He was a merchant, full of business, and 
 had no leisure or inclination to participate with his wife in her 
 1 moonshine, as he playfully termed it. It seemed to make her 
 happy, and he was content. He wanted to share in the society 
 of his child, and took great pleasure in her performance on the 
 piano, and by constant application, she became a most splendid 
 pianist. She was affianced to a young lawyer, of the highest 
 
 * For Prof. Agassiz s opinion of this work, see Appendix, Note K. 
 17 
 
258 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 reputation as a writer and advocate, whom she loved with the 
 whole passion of her soul, and yet, as I discovered afterwards, 
 this was kept in severe abeyance in its manifestations, from a 
 humiliating consciousness of his mental superiority. To render 
 herself worthy of his love, seemed the absorbing wish and pas 
 sion of her very being. 
 
 " To go on with my narrative. I was very regular in my at 
 tendance on the coterie of inquirers, and heard some strange things, 
 as they seemed to me, but I was a learner, and said as little as I 
 well could. I was told Good is positive. Evil is merely priva 
 tive, not absolute. It is like cold, which is the absence of heat. * 
 There is no doctrine of the reason which will bear to be taught 
 by the understanding. ! This last aphorism perplexed me not a 
 little; it seemed to make the brain a sort of pandemonium where 
 all was conflict, instead of the unity I had once supposed to ex 
 ist. Then as to the Miracles, I was told everything was mira 
 culous, and that the very word Miracle, as pronounced by Chris 
 tian Churches, gives a false impression ; it is a Monster. It is 
 not one with blowing clover, and the falling rain . J This was a 
 very ready way to get rid of all the stumbling-blocks of the Bible, 
 by making the raising of the dead and the raising a crop of corn, 
 equally miraculous. There seemed to me, however, a screw 
 loose in this system of logic. I was told, that the prayers and 
 even the dogmas of the Christian Church, are like the zodiac of 
 Denderah, and the astronomical monuments of the Hindoos, 
 wholly insulated from anything now extant in the life and busi 
 ness of the people. They now mark the height to which the 
 waters oncarose. 
 
 " And yet, by some strange inconsistency of language, as it ap-, 
 peared to me, these ladies were fond of conveying their oracles 
 in a language, in which the old forms of thought constantly ap 
 peared, and created no little confusion in my mind, from these be 
 ing thus made to clothe their new theology, as for example, * the 
 deep things of God being searched out by the spirit ; the words 
 spiritual experience ; * the penalty of the law ; one with 
 God ; the presence of God in the soul ; salvation by good 
 ness, in and for and by itself, not of works, but goodness, from 
 whence good works flow ; || which seemed very Pauline in its 
 sound, though there was, doubtless, very little of Paul in its inten 
 tion. Salvation by grace, or the presence of God in the soul, 
 sounded too much like the New Testament ; but not so much so, 
 as the recurrence of the quotation : The kingdom of heaven is 
 
 * Rev. Ralph Waldo Emerson s Address before the Senior Class in the 
 Divinity School, Cambridge, delivered on Sunday evening, July 15, 1838, p. 7. 
 f Ibid., p. 12. J Ibid., p. 12. 
 
 Emerson s Sermon, p. 21. || Studies in Religion. 
 
TRANSCENDENTAL PHILOSOPHY. 259 
 
 within you ; and the inner-life, which was a favorite phrase. 
 But if I was perplexed with seeing old clothes thus worn by 
 stranger-forms, I was all amazement at the chaos of words which 
 came thundering down upon me, with all the unexpectedness 
 of hail-stones out of a clear sky, and lay before me like Torsos 
 of Titans, vast in their proportions and grand even in fragments, 
 but which required some Michael Angelo to reproduce or recon 
 struct in all their transcendental magnificence. 
 
 " And I feared to inquire what was concealed under these ma 
 jestic forms of thought, for it was more than insinuated * that the 
 majority of educated and reflecting men and women were pos 
 sessed of minds so unlike their own, that they doubted their 
 power of constructing a bridge, which would serve for the trans 
 mission of ideas to persons so little fitted to receive them. : 
 
 "Can t you give me a specimen?" asked the Gentleman in 
 Black. 
 
 " Oh yes, many ; but I will give one merely. Speaking on this 
 very subject, one of our most gifted instructors said: He who 
 is incapable of enthusiasm for the pure and the lofty, whose heart 
 is not filled with the greatest, great as it may be ; he may possess 
 the most excellent gifts for other departments of life and science, 
 but, it is clear he was not born for a theologian. The theolo 
 gian, unless he remains in the outworks of science, has to do 
 with the most sublime objects ; and how can a degraded soul, 
 dead to the impressions from the eternal, be happy in the con 
 templation of divine things ? * 
 
 "I discovered, after a while, that the Baconian mode of philo 
 sophizing was regarded as obsolete induction was a slow pro 
 cess, and the results were uncertain and imperfect. That general 
 truths were to be attained without the previous examination of 
 particulars, by the aid of a higher power than the understanding. 
 The hand-lamp of logic was laid aside, for the truths which are 
 felt are more satisfactory and certain than those which are proved. 
 That the sphere of intuition was enlarged, and made to compre 
 hend, not only mathematical axioms, but the most abstruse and 
 elevated propositions respecting the being and destiny of man. 
 Pure intelligence usurped the place of humble research, and hid 
 den meanings, glimpses of spiritual and everlasting truth were 
 found, where former observers sought only for natural facts. 
 
 " That the observation of sensible phenomena can only lead to 
 the discovery of insulated, partial and relative laws, but the con 
 sideration of the same phenomena in a typical point of view, may 
 lead us to an infinite and absolute truth to a knowledge of the 
 
 * "Oilman s Aphorisms : and Ullman is not a hyper-Transcendentalist 
 
260 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 reality of things,* and, above all, that the true Shekinah was 
 
 " One morning a lady was present, who was introduced as Mrs. 
 Margaret Elgin. She resided in the city of the Pilgrims, and was 
 possessed of a strong bias for the old ways of Unitarianism. 
 Mrs. Elgin was on a visit to the lady at whose house we met on 
 that day, and of course, was invited to be present, and the ladies, 
 after the usual courtesies of society, opened the conversation of 
 the morning, by asking this lady, whose aspects were those of 
 great goodness and intelligence, * What progress was making in 
 the advancement of spiritual religion in her city? 
 
 " Alas! replied the lady, " we are getting on not faster than 
 crabs ; we are on a backward movement, and where we shall 
 bring up, I don t exactly see. 
 
 " Indeed, said a young lady next me, in what particulars 
 does this retrograde movement consist? and she looked at me, as 
 if amused with what would chance to follow. 
 
 " Why, my dear, replied the lady, I have been living not 
 quite the life of an oyster, but busy with my boys and girls ; 
 sewing on a button for my husband, and taking " a stitch in time," 
 to keep my boys trowsers from falling to the ground in an unex 
 pected moment, till my seamstress could give their waistbands 
 more thorough repair, so I have not kept up with the progress of 
 improvement; and every Sabbath I have listened to an old mi 
 nister, who has been our pastor for thirty years. So you may 
 guess my surprise when my husband bought Mr. Emerson s ad 
 dress, and told me there was a specimen of the new theology that 
 was coming into fashion, or as he called it, out of the book, the 
 new " Cultus" which was to be established among us. I thought 
 it time for me to look about me, and see where I was, and with 
 whom I was living. 
 
 " * And what did you find, madam ? asked the young lady. 
 
 " Why, I confess to you, ladies, my surprise was infinite, when 
 I was told " that there was no personal Deity," but that the true 
 divinity was within me. That sin and depravity are but skin- 
 deep, and strike off some of that which was extraneous, and all 
 is beautiful within, nay, Godlike ! for why should it not be god 
 like, since it is a part of Deity itself? Now all this was wonder 
 ful enough, but not all the wonders I was destined to learn. As 
 a mother of five boys and four girls, and fine boys and girls they 
 are ! but with whose waywardness and passions I had learned 
 
 * Christian Examiner, January, 1837. 
 
 t This sentence is quoted by Carlyle, " Sartor Resartus," from St. Chrysos- 
 tom, whose " lips of gold" are commended, and who doubtless used it in a 
 very different sense from Mr. Carlyle. 
 
THE NEOLOGISTS OF NEW ENGLAND. 261 
 
 the doctrine of man s native depravity, in ten thousand ways, I 
 was told, " that childhood is not only innocent, but that my ba 
 bies were so many Messiahs !" " That all infants were prophets !" 
 As prophets, I must say, they were sometimes sadly at longer- 
 heads with each other, and but for my presence, would oftentimes 
 have pulled each other s heads off their shoulders. Nor was this 
 all " That we must pray to the Deity within us, and that all 
 other prayer was mockery," and lastly, " that the belief in an ex 
 ternal heaven, and an external hell, was little better than to believe 
 in Salem witchcraft." And, as you may guess, the Bible has be 
 come an obsolete book with these new theologians, and though it 
 is said " The Hebrew and Greek Scriptures contain immortal 
 sentences, that have been the bread of life to millions, but they 
 have no epical integrity; are fragmentary; are not shown in 
 their order to the intellect;"* we are taught by the modern 
 Socrates, " to look for a new Teacher, that shall follow so far 
 those shining laws, that he shall see them come full circle ; shall 
 see their rounding complete grace ; shall see the world to be the 
 mirror of the soul; shall see the identity of the law of gravitation 
 with purity of heart; and shall show that the Ought, that Duty, 
 is one thing with Science, with Beauty and with Joy."t 
 
 " Now ladies, you may perhaps wish to know when this new 
 preacher is to arise ; but of this I can give you no knowledge. 
 Some do say, that there are better Pauls and better Jesuses now, 
 than any we read of; and I have had some of these errants of 
 the pulpit pointed out as examples of these important announce 
 ments ; but for my part, I believe I shall hold on to the old-school 
 theology, flog my boys, and run the risk of offending some new 
 born divinity. Solomon with all his sins, I prefer to Ralph. 
 
 " It was impossible not to be amused with this lady, who was 
 so honest and earnest in her adherence to the well-tried system 
 of divinity and education; but there was evidently a growing de 
 sire to see how far common sense could stand the conflict of trans 
 cendental philosophy. 
 
 " A lady asked, if these new views were not destined to be 
 opposed very warmly. 
 
 " The ladV replied, * that Professor Norton had at last come 
 out of his study to cast a horoscope, and see which way the 
 world was going ; and had evidently been surprised to find, that 
 while he was at work consolidating the evidences of Christianity, 
 on a basis which would be permanent as the everlasting hills, 
 the whole aspect of the heavens had changed. His work was 
 of no value. Whether the Gospels were true or false, was 
 
 * Rev. Mr. Emerson s Address, p. 31. f I bid -> P. 31. 
 
262 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 now a matter of no moment, his theological pupils had found out 
 a shorter cut at certainty in divinity ; had told him, that a Christi 
 anity which required to be proved, was every way worthless, 
 mere musty historical parchment, already time-worn, and the 
 sooner it was cast to the dogs the better. The poor doctor was 
 at his wits -end, his years of labor all superseded, and so he has, 
 continued the lady, with a good-natured laugh, issued a sort of 
 proclamation,* in which he declares that they are all " Infidels 
 and Atheists that there is at present in New England no Uni 
 tarian body held together by any community of belief or purpose. 
 That the name has been so extended, as to comprehend individu 
 als whose opinions, respecting what is essential in religion, are 
 directly opposite to the opinions of those by whom it was for 
 merly held, and has therefore lost all meaning. * * * * 
 Whether for good or evil, the Unitarian party is broken up ; the 
 name has become a name of suspicion. * * * * Men of honor 
 able feelings will regard it as a gross deception, or as a strange 
 hallucination, for any one to pretend to be a minister of Christ, 
 while he disbelieves that Christianity is a miraculous dispensa 
 tion." And Professor Ware has come to his help, and has pub 
 lished a letter,! in which he comforts the theological Professor, by 
 saying, " this state of things might seem a matter of no great con 
 cern, a mere insurrection of folly, a sort of Jack Cade rebellion, 
 which in the nature of things must soon be put down, if those 
 engaged in it were not gathering confidence from neglect, and 
 had not proceeded to attack principles which are the foundation 
 of human society and human happiness." And now, my dear 
 ladies, you will pardon me for repeating his compliment to our 
 sex ; but if you want to know the news of our religious world, 
 you must bear with me, and forbear with the Professor. 
 
 " By all means, Certainly, Let s have it, exclaimed 
 the circle. 
 
 44 It is not very kind of him, continued the lady smiling, * but 
 he found it in his heart to speak of us in a very Paul-like phrase, 
 " silly women, it has been said, and young men, it is to be feared, 
 have been drawn away from their Christian faith, if not divorced 
 from all that can properly be called religion."! 
 
 " * You see, ladies, the silly women are still the leaders in this 
 new attempt to gather the apples from the tree of knowledge 
 it is somewhat new for us, to become leaders of an insurrection 
 of any sort, but Prof. Ware assures us of our right and title to 
 this bad "eminence," of being the "movement party," as they say 
 
 * See Appendix B. for the explanation of this lady s remarks, 
 f See Appendix E. for the letter here referred to. 
 
263 
 
 in France, in this Jack Cade rebellion against the orthodoxy of 
 Unitarianism. " Silly women, it is believed," mark that ! " and 
 silly young men, it is to be feared, have been drawn away from 
 their Christian faith." Alas i for us poor women, we are always 
 in the wrong ; always first in transgression ! 
 
 " And is that all ? said the young lady near me. 
 
 " My dear, I m sure it is quite a good deal, replied the lady, 
 in a tone of surprise. 
 
 " Silly women! repeated a lady somewhat advanced; the 
 only lady unmarried on the shady side of life of our coterie. 
 
 " What might have followed I know not, for Mrs. Percy now 
 addressed Mrs. Elgin, and asked if Prof. Norton had not him 
 self laid the basis for this religious development, in the very prin 
 ciples stated by him in the work she referred to, and also in the 
 lectures he had delivered before the divinity students. 
 
 " * Indeed I don t know, replied the lady. He lives among 
 the shades of the University, and in the seclusion of his own 
 study, whilst I am in the busy pursuit of crying babies, and rest 
 less, reckless children. Here s a bump on one head which must 
 have its patch of brown paper dipt in brandy, another s nose 
 has fallen to bleeding, and wants the door-key put down his 
 back, to stop the bleeding and then in comes a girl whose petti 
 coat, spic-span new when she sat out for school, has by some 
 strange combination of circumstances been transformed into a 
 trail of no very reputable appearance, a yard long. So you see, 
 my dear Mrs. Percy, while the professor has been engaged in his 
 studies into the nature of spirit, I have been absorbed by the adi 
 pose parts of organic life our spheres have been distinct while 
 he has directed his energies to give activity to the lobes of the 
 brain, mine have not as yet reached half so high. 
 
 " Though Mrs. Percy smiled very amiably, she was not ready 
 to let the subject drop. Professor Norton has no right to give 
 his pupils the cognomen of" infidels of the latest forms," without 
 asking, if his own teachings have not led to this as a necessary 
 and most legitimate consequence. As professor of theology, he 
 has, as I am told by very good authority, taught skepticism as to 
 the inspiration and veracity of the Bible, in both its divisions 
 the new as well as the old. Now, if the Bible be placed on a 
 level with any and all other books, we must build up our forms 
 of science as best we may, from such sources from without and 
 within, as we may be possessed of; and the true question to be 
 settled, and to which he should have addressed himself, is this, 
 such being the sources of knowledge, is the system he denounces, 
 most accordant with the Reason or not? Those who believe in 
 the inspiration and integrity of the Scriptures, have a basis to 
 
264 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 stand on, which is impregnable. To such it is sufficient for them 
 to point to a text, and to say, " Thus saith the Lord" but not so 
 these gentlemen who have dug down the foundation of the faith 
 of their fathers, and still demand the Church shall stand on the 
 few stones they have left unshaken, or upon the piles they have 
 driven down, to hold it up. And though I am one of those "silly 
 women" Dr. Ware has spoken of, I should say all this to the 
 doctor, if he were sitting in your chair. 
 
 " Well, dear Mrs. Percy, replied the lady, I don t mean to 
 take either the doctor s or the professor s place in this discussion; 
 but if the professor has been sowing dragon s teeth, he should 
 not make such an outcry at the unruly spirits who seem now to 
 haunt him of his peace. And, I assure you, that we have had no 
 little perplexity in the coteries of our city, for while our theolo 
 gians were thus awaking to the fierceness of a polemical conflict, 
 our " Mutual Admiration Society," of which they were honorary 
 members, were in dismay, not knowing which side to take in the 
 affray. 
 
 " Mutual Admiration Society! exclaimed our ladies. What 
 society is this ? 
 
 " Is it possible, said the Mrs. Elgin, that you have never 
 heard of it? 
 
 " Never ! never ! was repeated by all the circle. 
 
 " Indeed ! that s very odd ! The society, I am aware, has 
 had its origin in our city; but it has worked so well with us, 
 that I had supposed it must have extended over the whole land. 
 
 " Do, pray, tell us all about it, said the ladies. 
 
 " It is very simple in its organization, replied the good-na- 
 .tured lady, with a laugh, and admits of no possible conflict 
 among its members. It is just this : " you tickle me and I ll 
 tickle you ;" and originated in this way. Some few years-since, 
 a " rising young man," not finding himself getting up in the world 
 as fast as the aspirations of his ambition prompted him to rise, 
 ventured to create a little public opinion on his own behalf, as it 
 was affirmed by his political opponents, and generally believed by 
 the public. The articles appeared in one of our papers, and were 
 traced, so it was said, to his own door: the good people of Essex 
 were indignant at this attempt to lead them by the nose, and the 
 poor young man was bound over to his good behavior for several 
 years, before they would consent to call him into public life. It 
 became necessary, therefore, to organize this society, for mutual 
 aid and support; for what one may not do for himself, may be 
 done for him by a friend, and this is done to the admiration of 
 our good people, who are too busy to form their own opinions, 
 
265 
 
 and so take them manufactured to their hand. Now, whenever 
 one of our " rising men" blows up a soap-bubble, all the mem 
 bers stand ready to give it a puff, till the bubble is high in air, 
 glowing with all the hues and dyes of the sun of popular ap 
 plause. Tis true, they sometimes burst up at once, but gene 
 rally they hold on till they are lost sight of which is very soon. 
 
 " My dear madam, said Mrs. Percy, do talk a little plain 
 English, that we may understand you. 
 
 " * How can you ask such a thing, replied the lady, of one 
 who comes from the atmosphere of idealism ? 
 
 " * Do, please, give an example, said Mrs. Percy. 
 
 " * Well, then, we will suppose one of our highly talented 
 scholars, distinguished for the brilliancy of his imagination and 
 the vastness of his attainments, is selected to deliver a Phi-Beta- 
 Kappa oration, which must contain, as a matter of course, a full 
 share of admiration for all the honorary members of the society, 
 dead and living ; " soft sawder," as Sam Slick would say ; the 
 society instantly commence their labors, through the press, and 
 the corresponding members in all the commonwealth re-echo the 
 admiration, till the whole press is literally saturated with eulogy. 
 
 " * I have thought it strange that all this thunder seemed bot 
 tled up, like the winds of Boreas, and that we never heard any 
 reverberations from the press of Babylon ; but I now understand 
 it as being only * adapted for family use and home consumption." 
 They sometimes do seek a wider range than the newspapers of 
 the State, though this is not often attempted. My husband is 
 furious whenever he sees any of the " hoofs," as he delights to 
 call them, of these young lions imprinted in the newspaper, and 
 dashes the paper into the fire ; and, the other day, he was read 
 ing the North American Review, when, all at once, he tore out a 
 dozen pages and crammed them into the grate. I cried out 
 against such sacrilege, and begged him to desist, for I had not 
 read it. " Nor do I mean you shall a set of squirts!" was his 
 rough review of the reviewers. But he is getting old, and swears 
 he won t be humbugged; and solemnly affirms that these 
 "young lions" are, after all, only counterfeits, and that if their 
 "caudal appendages" can be hid, their ears can t. 
 
 " My dear Mrs. Elgin, said Mrs. Percy, you delight to 
 speak your dark sayings in parables. 
 
 " Very true, my dear madam ; but, you see, this is a delicate 
 subject, and needs to be handled very gingerly. 
 
 " To recur to the topic we were speaking of, said Mrs. 
 Percy. You will understand, I do not speak of this matter to 
 you, said Mrs. Percy, addressing Mrs. Elgin, in the spirit of 
 
266 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 controversy; but, to show the facts in the case, I will read to 
 you, from a book I have in my hand, a quotation from Professor 
 Norton. She read as follows 
 
 " For myself in regard to the Old Testament, though I believe 
 the divine origin of the Mosaic Dispensation, I regard the Pen 
 tateuch as a book full of fables, compiled after the captivity, and 
 the other historical books as having no more claim to be divinely 
 inspired than the histories of Eusebius and his successors. In 
 the prophecies, as they are called, there are noble conceptions of 
 religion and duty, (considering the times in which they were 
 written ;) but I do not believe that their authors claimed a mira 
 culous power of predicting future events, or were supposed by 
 their cotemporaries to possess it. When we come to the New 
 Testament, I put the highest value on the Gospels, as an authen 
 tic record of the ministry of Jesus, and regard with strong in 
 terest the writings of Paul, as exhibiting in the most striking 
 manner the workings of a powerful and admirable mind under an 
 all-pervading conviction of the truth of Christianity. But I 
 ascribe the authorship of neither the Gospels nor the epistles to 
 God, and cannot call them in any sense the word of God. * 
 
 " Now, my dear madam, said Mrs. Percy, laying the pam 
 phlet in her lap, do you not wonder that Professor Norton, having 
 uttered such sentiments, could call any of his scholars infidels ? 
 Well may Mr. Ripley say, when speaking of such sentiments in 
 his letter to Professor Norton : " To a large majority of Christians, 
 this language will appear like gross infidelity. I leave it to the 
 candid Christian community," he says, " whether such a writer is 
 authorized to accuse his brethren of infidelity. "t 
 
 " That is rather a tight place for the Professor, certainly, and 
 I shall let him get out as best he may, replied the lady ; but, 
 my dear Mrs. Percy, for my own part, I soon gave up the chase 
 for this ignis-fatuus, called truth, and have made up my mind 
 to hold on to the whole Bible as the word of God ; and as my 
 children must be taught the principles of a religion of some sort, 
 in looking over the drawer of my precious grandmother, whose 
 piety was to my childhood the very form and pressure of angeli 
 cal goodness, I found a primer covered with brocade-silk, and 
 carefully tied with a ribbon. It was a " Westminster Catechism," 
 and I am teaching it, to the best of my ability, to my children. 
 
 " The astonishment this created was electric, and more than 
 one exclaimed, The Westminster Catechism ! 
 
 * So cited in New Englander, Quarterly Review for April, 1810, p. 257. 
 t Rev. George Ripley s Letters on " Latest form of Infidelity," Boston, 1840, 
 p. 36. 
 
MRS. MARGARET ELGIN S NURSERY. 267 
 
 " Yes, my dear friends, and I only wish it was better known, 
 and more thoroughly studied, and that our lives were imbued 
 with its grand truths. I think the children might become some 
 what like the pilgrim-fathers, whose virtues shine forth in the 
 4th of July orations, while the great religious principles, which 
 constituted them the founders of the Republic, are, fifty-two days 
 in the year, certainly, and perhaps oftener, treated with most 
 manifest coolness, to say nothing more. 
 
 " My dear madam, asked Mrs. Percy, do you understand 
 that Catechism? 
 
 " I think I get a glimpse or two of its meaning, replied the 
 lady, and since some people have turned the Bible out of doors, 
 I have taken it into my chamber, and I find it a most marvellous 
 book, so well adapted to the wants and ways of men, so full of 
 most attractive narrative, and then with such hopes of heaven ! 
 Indeed you would be delighted to see my children around me, 
 those who can t read, requesting me to tell them Bible stories. 
 To my dear children, these have all the charm a new Waverley 
 novel once had for me, in my young days. Let others do as 
 they please, "my book and heart shall never part. 11 
 
 "Mrs. Percy could not but smile, to hear the lady give proof 
 of her proficiency in the primer, whatever might be the extent of 
 her studies of the Scriptures. For myself, I could not but 
 envy her the happiness of all her boys and girls ; and saw her, 
 happy and joyous, overflowing with love, sitting with all these 
 little folks around her, teaching them who was the first man, 
 and * who the first woman, and those ancient lyrics of two lines 
 each, or perhaps, pointing out to them the martyrdom of the 
 blessed John Rogers, and all setting their heads together to 
 count the children in the picture, to see if there were really ten 
 or nine, including one at the breast. Mrs. Smith sighed, and 
 for an instant forgot her story, and looked pensively at the beauti 
 ful foot, which was being gently tossed as if a child was in her ima 
 gination riding on its toe ; but recollecting herself, she went on : 
 
 " As there was nothing to be said further, on the topics for 
 which we met, I took leave of the circle ; and as I drove home, 
 I forgot everything but the laughter-loving mother, and her boys 
 with their broken heads and brown paper patches, and girls with 
 their new fashioned trails, made of spic-span new petticoats. 
 
 " The Sabbath following our interview with this lady from the 
 City of the Pilgrims, she attended at our church, and we had one 
 of those beautiful discourses which are full of grand and undefined 
 conceptions of the ideal ; the preacher was eminently felicitous, 
 as I thought, in the discovery of the real under the aspects worn 
 
268 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 by the apparent; and, after church, Mrs. Percy, and the lady, 
 and myself, walked homeward together. 
 
 * What did you think of the sermon ? inquired Mrs. Percy 
 of the lady. 
 
 " Dear Mrs. Percy, said the lady, * I could make nothing at 
 all of it; and I was thinking, as he went along, if old Deacon 
 Pilsbury, of Newbury, was alive, and had been present, lie would 
 have been constrained to get up, as he once did, when one of the 
 new divinity men of his day, whom we should now style an Or 
 thodox Unitarian, had preached a sermon in his meeting-house, 
 and would have cried out, * Peas in a bladder, brethren ! peas in 
 a bladder! No food for my soul this day." 
 
 " I laughed outright, but Mrs. Percy was evidently displeased, 
 and our place of parting having arrived, I bid the ladies good- 
 morning. 
 
 " The next day I called to see Helen, who had been confined 
 by sickness to her house, and was telling her the anecdote, when 
 Mrs. Percy came in. The conversation turned upon Mrs. Elgin, 
 and her communications as made to us at our last meeting. 
 
 " This lady, said Mrs. Percy, is a fair specimen of the or 
 thodoxy of Unitarianism. The development of new views of 
 religious science frightens them, and they retreat back upon opi 
 nions venerable for their antiquity, fearful to go forward to follow 
 out the legitimate consequences of their own received opinions. 
 
 " Do you think, Mrs. Percy, I asked, that our views will 
 ever be generally received by the multitude ? 
 
 " No, my dear, she replied, few are capable of the mental 
 discipline which will enable them to grasp the great truths of 
 true science. The ancient philosophers felt this, and followed 
 the example of the priests of Egypt in hiding their highest forms 
 of thought behind the veil of mysteries. As to the Unitarianism 
 of the Old School, it is already effete in the opinion of those who 
 first set the ball in motion. I have seen a letter from Dr. Chan- 
 ning, addressed to J. Blanco White, in which he breathes his 
 aspirations for progress in religious reformation. He says, " It 
 is not by assailing the low in practice or principle, but by mani 
 festing the high, that the great work of reformation is to go on. 
 Whence shall this force come ? I would that I could look on 
 Unitarianism with more hope. But this system was, at its re 
 cent revival, a protest of the understanding against absurd dog 
 mas, rather than the work of deep religious principle, and was 
 early paralyzed by the mixture of a material philosophy, and fell 
 too much into the hands of scholars and political reformers; and 
 the consequence is, a want of vitality and force, which gives us 
 little hope of its accomplishing much under its present auspices, 
 
THE LAST OPINIONS OF DR. CHANNING. 269 
 
 or its present form."* And one brought up at the feet of our mo 
 dern Gamaliel has told me, " Unitarianism was not to him a foun 
 tain of life. The best he ever said of it was, that he hoped it 
 was the road to the fountain. He never pretended that he had 
 learned precisely what that power is which should change the self 
 ishness of the heart into love, although he asserted so eloquently 
 that as sure as God lives, such a power Jesus personally pos 
 sessed ; and, under certain conditions, which, however, he did 
 not clearly define, all men might gain it from him." She said, 
 " it was affecting to see how careful he was of the lantern which 
 should contain this light, and how intensely conscious of the 
 darkness that needs its beams." That " he always declared the 
 system of Unitarianism, the best he knew," was yet " a very mea 
 gre and lifeless statement of the Christian religion, quite inade 
 quate to have stirred into existence the stormy chaos that Christ 
 endom has hitherto been, or manifestly inadequate to make that 
 chaos an ordered world,"! and my friend believed Dr. Chan- 
 ning " gave many signs, before he passed away, of being intrin 
 sically superior to the system he supported ; for, she said, he ab 
 sorbed from another system than his own, something higher still, 
 which put him into sublimer relations than he himself knew." 
 " Now, from all these indications of dubiety and change, ^: 
 
 * Letter of Dr. Charming in Life of J.Blanco White, dated 18th Sept., 1839. 
 
 f From "The Present 1 for November, 1843, page 91. Edited by W. H. 
 Charming. "The Present" for April, 1844, p. 401. See Appendix, F. 
 
 J The following article appeared in the Southern Churchman, and was 
 copied into the N. E. Puritan, vol. viii. No. 28, of July 15, 1847. 
 
 " The Rev. W. E. Channing, if not the father of Unitarianism in this coun 
 try, was one of those most active and successful in promoting it. His polished 
 eloquence gave him, in connection with his general refinement and high moral 
 tone, a notoriety none of his class have enjoyed. Dr. C. was originally Ortho 
 dox, but gradually sunk down till he became a mere Unitarian, regarding 
 Christ only as a virtuous man and his religion only as an excellent system of 
 ethics. With these sentiments we suppose we fear, he died; but we find 
 in an instructive little volume by the Rev. Dr. Burgess, of Hartford, a state 
 ment which to our mind implies that in his last days, Dr. C. felt the chilliness 
 and meagreness of his system, and would fain, if it had been possible, have 
 put into it a life and power which does not belong to it, or to any system 
 which does not make Christ "very God," as well as " very Man." Dr. Chan 
 ning died in 1842. During that year the noted Mr. Brownson, who had been 
 a theological follower, and styled himself a spiritual son of Dr. C., addressed 
 him a letter declaring he had discovered the hollowness of the system which 
 they both in common held, and that it satisfied neither the claims of truth, 
 nor the wants of the human heart. What effect this warning had cannot be 
 known ; but it appears that attending a meeting of a society in Lenox, Mass., 
 soon after, Dr. C. delivered an address in which he used language, which to 
 say the least, sounds strange to our ears, coming from a man with his views. 
 " As if," says Dr. Burgess, " through all his negations, a gleam from the hea* 
 
270 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 continued Mrs. Percy, in the mind of Dr. Channing in his 
 closing years, there s no doubt had he been possessed of better 
 and firmer health, he would have been equally bold in his attacks 
 on the system of Unitarian divinity as he left it, as he was in his 
 grand demonstration on the old forms of Orthodoxy. No man 
 has ever had the courage to make such an onslaught as he did 
 years ago, on the time-honored opinions of the pilgrim fathers of 
 his native land. 
 
 " As I found her communicative, and mounting one of her 
 hobby-horses, I asked her to be so kind as to give me an exam 
 ple of this fearlessness, for I had been of the opinion that the 
 doctor was one of those shrewd men who never ventured into 
 controversies in which he was not warmly sustained by the pub 
 lic opinion of his beloved city, on the cresting waves of which 
 he was well content to ride, but which he had no especial desire 
 to lash into a tempest. 
 
 * She said, she had never read anything which surpassed his 
 blow directed at the cross of Christ. 
 
 " As I had no recollection of it, she was pleased to repeat the 
 following sentence from a sermon of his, in which he says : 
 * Suppose a teacher should come among you, and should tell you 
 that the Creator, in order to pardon his children, had erected a 
 gallows in the centre of the universe, and had publicly executed 
 upon it, in room of the offenders, an infinite being, the partaker 
 of his own Supreme Divinity; suppose him to declare that the 
 execution was appointed as a most conspicuous and terrible mani 
 festation of God s justice, and of the infinite woe denounced by 
 his law ; and suppose him to add that all things in heaven and 
 earth are required to fix their eyes on this fearful sight, as the 
 most powerful enforcement of obedience and virtue. Would you 
 not tell him that he calumniated his Maker ? Would you not say 
 to him that this central gallows threw a gloom over the universe? 
 that the spirit of a government whose very acts of pardon were 
 written in such blood, was terror, not paternal love ; and that the 
 
 ven of truth had shot in at sunset;" Dr. Channing said " the doctrine of the 
 Word made flesh shows us God uniting himself most intimately with our 
 nature, manifesting himself in a human form, for the very end of making us 
 partakers of his own perfection. * * * The doctrine of grace as it is termed, 
 he said, reveals the Infinite Father imparting his Holy Spirit, the best gift he 
 can impart, to the humblest being who implores it." 
 
 " In the concluding paragraph he uttered what as a rhetorical apostrophe 
 would be almost profane, and as a prayer would be at variance with the 
 efforts of his life: Come, friend and Saviour of the race, who didst shed thy 
 blood upon the cross to reconcile man to man, and earth to Heaven ! 
 
 "A few days after he died at Bennington, Vermont." 
 
271 
 
 obedience which needed to be upheld by this horrid spectacle 
 was nothing worth. * 
 
 " I listened with astonishment, and asked her, if after this, 
 Dr. Channing could go into his pulpit, and read, and preach from 
 the Epistles of Paul? 
 
 " Your astonishment, my dear madam," said the Gentleman in 
 Black, interrupting Mrs. Smith, "could not have exceeded my 
 own, when I saw the sentence. It seemed to me unsurpassed for 
 its force and condensation of thought and feeling." 
 
 Mrs. Smith was more mystified than ever, and was evidently 
 endeavoring to find some spot in which she could fix the stranger, 
 who seemed "everything by turns, and nothing long." 
 
 "And do you think the Bible inspired by the spirit of God?" 
 asked Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " It wears all the impress of a divine origin," replied the Gen 
 tleman in Black. 
 
 " And what form of faith do you deem best ?" 
 
 "My dear madam, I am very Catholic in these matters; any 
 sort is very good, so you don t have too much of it." 
 
 "Ah! but how can I have too much, when the command is, 
 to love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our strength, 
 and with all our mind ; and our neighbors as ourselves ? 
 
 " That s very true," replied the Gentleman in Black. 
 
 " Then indeed," said Mrs. Smith, " the case of all men is 
 hopeless, for all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God." 
 
 "Madam," replied the Gentleman in Black, in a cold and 
 severe tone; " God and the sun are- seen in their own light ! the 
 aids of human learning won t help you. If you are thus con 
 demned, what better is left you, than to eat, drink, and be merry ?" 
 
 " But I am like Damocles at the feast of the tyrant of Syra 
 cuse," said Mrs. Smith, " the sword hangs over me suspended by 
 the untwisting thread of human life, I have no appetite for the 
 feast spread before me." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black grew impatient of the subject, and 
 begged Mrs. Smith to do him the favor to go on with her narra 
 tive. 
 
 [We here omit much more of what occurred in relation to the 
 new theology, and Mrs. Smith s personal experience. Mrs. 
 Smith and her friend were in search of certainty as to intuitions, 
 which, on comparison, they found frequently distressingly diverse. 
 " The magnet of their minds was constantly traversing the poles 
 of diversity, and never found rest in the bosom of unity." The 
 colloquy proceeded as follows.] 
 
 * Channing s Works, p. 423. 
 
272 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " In our attempts to reach the heights, or, if you please, the 
 depths of Kant, we were not a little mystified, as, I suppose, most 
 persons are, who attempt to read him in an English dress; or 
 who take a more usual and short-hand cut, of adopting his phi 
 losophy as it comes, somewhat diluted, in that most uncertain of 
 all indexes the Dial. Still, it was something to dig down to the 
 foundations of the mind; and the task, though s hard, was not re 
 newed without, as we believed, some kind auspices. We had an 
 idea, or what Dr. Franklin s angler would have called * a glorious 
 nibble, and that we were not entirely successful, we believed 
 arose from no want of truth in the philosophy, or of perspica 
 city in its expounders, but in consequence of the diseased state 
 of our souls, encumbered as were the vehicles of thought by the 
 bread and butter, and soups and meats, we had been fed upon 
 from infancy, and which thus impeded our progress. Acting 
 upon this idea, Helen and I determined to try what would be 
 the effect of a change of our diet and we at once adopted a 
 system which exceeded even the system recently so popular, and 
 out-Grahamed Graham. We drank our water by measure, and 
 eat our bread by weight and if opinions could be induced by di 
 eting, we might have become Boodhists at once and I think there 
 is something in this, though, for my part, I could not carry out 
 my experience to any great extent; for my husband, though usually 
 entirely absorbed in his own pursuits, could not but remark upon 
 it, and was anxious to know why this change had been adopted. 
 Now to tell him the truth, would have induced a series of ridicule 
 I was not willing to meet, so that I found myself unable to keep 
 pace with my dear friend in her onward progress." 
 
 " Pray, what notions did you start with ?" inquired the Gentle 
 man in Black. 
 
 " Why, these were somewhat difficult for us to define the most 
 important of all was, that in the reason lie conceptions or ideas, 
 not derived from experience, but which are the foundations of 
 all knowledge, and that these are the pure intuitions of the mind 
 but the task was, to find what intuitions were universal and 
 true. Now there were, in our coterie, a dozen ladies, old and 
 young, who were in the pursuit of this clue, through this psy 
 chological labyrinth, and as we had discarded the Scriptures, as 
 being a standard of truth for us, we found ourselves all wandering 
 in a different way, and, as I have reason to fear, all in the down 
 ward road. Some of our ladies, who were more learned than 
 the others, told us of Plato and his intellectual archetypes, another 
 of Aristotle and his immaterial phantasms, another of Epicurus, 
 and his effigies thrown forth from the objects themselves, and some 
 were disciples of Des Cartes, and demanded proof as to all these 
 
273 
 
 systems ; which was more easy to ask than to receive, reducing 
 all our knowledge to consciousness, of which a very young lady, 
 who had studied Greek, denied, like another Pyrrho, the exist 
 ence. Another, who read only English, entertained us with the 
 ideal theory of Berkeley, 
 
 "She would not, with a peremptory tone, 
 Assert the nose upon, her face her own. 
 
 The results of our investigations were decidedly pantheistic, and 
 amounted to this, that life is but a composition of assembled 
 phenomena, dissolved by death." 
 
 " But what became of your pure intuitions, all this while ?" 
 asked the Gentleman in Black. 
 
 "Ah ! that was the trouble; our circle of inquirers at last hit 
 upon an expedient, which we thought would be satisfactory. 
 Accordingly, we determined to select a subject for our private 
 reflections, and during the ensuing week to observe a very rigid 
 abstinence from all food, except bread and water, and to write out 
 our intuitions, which we were to read at our next meeting. The 
 subject was * the nature and existence of God ; and we separated 
 with sanguine hopes of success, meaning, if we found ourselves 
 successful, to go through the whole circle of inquiries in this 
 way. 
 
 "Accordingly we met, and some of the ladies said they were 
 in the condition of the philosopher, who was requested to solve 
 this question by Dionysius, the tyrant of Syracuse the longer 
 they reflected, the more they were in doubt, and begged to be ex 
 cused from attempting a solution of the question. I will not 
 attempt to tell you all that was read, and which was surprisingly 
 discordant. One quoted the opinions of Hegel, the father of the 
 philosophy of Young Germany, that God was an unconscious 
 power, which pervades all persons, and which arrives to self- 
 consciousness only in the personality of man, an ever streaming 
 immanence of spirit in matter. Another said she agreed with 
 Professor Michelet, that * God is the eternal movement of the 
 universal principle, constantly manifesting itself in individual 
 existences, and which has no true objective existence, but in 
 these individuals, which pass away into the infinite. And one, 
 who had read the Leben Jesu of Strauss, held his opinion con 
 fidently, that He is a man who knows no other God than /w m, 
 who in the human race is constantly becoming man.* For as 
 
 * Tholuck, speaking of the Pantheism of Germany, says, " Since God, say 
 these theorists, cannot be unlimited, if the personality of man be considered 
 real, this personality can only be apparent. The original unlimited existence 
 which pervades the universe, strives through its own activity to become ob- 
 
 18 * 
 
274 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 man, considered as a mere finite spirit, and restricted to himself, 
 has no reality, so God considered as an infinite spirit, restricting 
 himself to his infinity, has no reality. The infinite has reality 
 only so far as he unites himself to finite spirits, and the finite, 
 only so far as he sinks himself in the infinite. One young lady 
 quoted, as the result of her reading, Heine, the disciple of Hegel, 
 and read with emphasis, this sentence of his writings: 
 
 " We are free and need no thundering tyrant we are of age, 
 and need no fatherly care we are not the hand-work of any great 
 mechanic. Theism is a religion of slaves for children, for Gene- 
 vese and watch-makers. 
 
 " Now it happened, that just after our ladies had commenced 
 reading their papers, a very excellent old lady, the grandmother 
 of one of our number, entered, under the impression, as it turned 
 out, that this was a devotional meeting, and quietly took her seat 
 beside her grand-child, a lovely girl, who was one of our number, 
 greatly to the surprise and annoyance of us all, and of her grand 
 child in particular. At first we paused, fearing to go on ; but she 
 expressed a hope that she should be permitted to participate in 
 our exercises, of the nature of which she was entirely ignorant 
 and one of the ladies, more fearless than the rest, went on with 
 the reading of her paper, and the rest reluctantly followed. The 
 old lady look out her knitting, and sat apparently intently occu 
 pied with her work, till these last words were read. She then 
 laid down her work in her lap, and putting her specks on her 
 cap, looked around on the group, with an air of perfect astonish 
 ment. She may not have comprehended what had been going 
 forward, but now her mind opened to a clear conception of the 
 
 jective to itself, that is, to arrive at self-consciousness; the infinite becomes 
 objective to itself when it reveals itself in the finite, and when this finite 
 revelation is conscious of its unity with the infinite. Hence, from the stone to 
 the angel, individuality is merely apparent, but nothing more than the mo 
 difications of the infinite first principle. Human individuals realize the 
 greatest perfection of the infinite principle, to come to a consciousness of 
 itself, because men, through the faculty of thought, feeling, or the imagination, 
 clearly conceive themselves as manifestations of the infinite. This is the 
 manner in which these theorists endeavor to destroy all individual person 
 ality. With the rejection of the personality of finite existence, is necessarily 
 connected the rejection of the personality of the infinite. For as the infinite 
 unlimited God arrives at self-consciousness, only through the creation of the 
 finite individual, so it is clear, that if we in any sense ascribe personality to 
 him, it can only be the apparent personality of the finite individual that is, 
 his life. Other consequences equally shocking, flow from these principles. 
 If God be the only and equally universal agent, in all beings, then good and 
 evil are equally the acts of God, and the objective difference between good and 
 evil falls to the ground. TholucVs History of Theology in the ISth Century, 
 article " Pantheism." 
 
NAPOLEON AND SIR HUMPHRY DAVY. 275 
 
 nature and direction of our literary inquiries and no longer able 
 to contain herself, and addressing the young lady, 
 
 " May I ask, \vho made the world? inquired the old lady, 
 commencing her attack. 
 
 " * The world, and all worlds, created themselves, replied the 
 very young lady. 
 
 " Bless me ! said the old lady, in tones of surprise by what 
 law did such order arise ? 
 
 " Of fate or necessity, was the reply. 
 
 "Out of what? continued the old lady. 
 
 " Out of infinite atoms, that have a passion for every change 
 into which they enter. 
 
 "But whence these atoms, and whence the laws, or passions 
 for change ? 
 
 " The young lady now looked around for help, but no one came 
 to her assistance. 
 
 " I had supposed, said the old lady, that the maxim was as 
 old as Democritus 
 
 " Naught springs from naught, and can to naught return." 
 
 " We all sat as silent as whipped children, and had not a word 
 to say for ourselves. 
 
 " The old lady, looking around upon us with no little severity, 
 said, How wonderful it is, that here, in this land and in this age, 
 a coterie of well bred, well instructed females can be found, labor 
 ing to put out the light of conscience, and of nature striving to 
 become infidels. Truly has St. Paul said of such," professing to 
 be wise, they become fools" accounting the glorious Gospel of 
 the Blessed God, by which life and immortality are brought to 
 light, the fables and myths of a past age. 
 
 " My dear madam, said the very young lady, all the great 
 minds of the present age deem them so. 
 
 " What great minds ? asked the old lady sharply. Was 
 Napoleon a great mind ? Las Casas tells us he said to him, at 
 St. Helena, where his soul had time to reflect on his destiny, 
 " Perhaps I shall again believe implicitly. God grant I may. I 
 do not ask a greater blessing. It must in my mind be a great 
 and real happiness."* He said, too, " I never doubted the ex 
 istence of God, for if my reason was inadequate to comprehend it, 
 my mind was not less disposed to adopt it." Was not Sir Hum 
 phry Davy a great mind ? Hear what he says in the closing 
 days of a life made illustrious by his genius and discoveries. 
 Then, when he took a just view of life, he said, "I envy no 
 quality of mind or intellect in others not genius, power, wit, or 
 
 * Las Casas, vol. iii. p. 201. 
 
276 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 fancy ; but if I could choose what would be most delightful, and, 
 I believe, most useful to me, I should prefer a firm religious be 
 lief to every other blessing ; for it makes a disciple of goodness, 
 creates new hopes when all earthly hopes vanish, and throws 
 over decay, the destruction of existence, the most gorgeous of all 
 lights ; awakens life even in death, and from corruption and de 
 cay calls up beauty and divinity : makes an instrument of torture 
 and of shame, the ladder of ascent to Paradise ; and, far above 
 all combinations of earthly hopes, calls up the most delightful 
 visions of palms and amaranths, the gardens of the blessed, the 
 security of everlasting joys, where the sensualist and the skeptic 
 view only gloom, decay, annihilation, and despair."* Was not 
 La Place a great mind ? His last words were worthy of so great a 
 man : " What we know, is little ; what we are ignorant of, is im 
 mense :"t and, speaking of the phenomena of the solar system, 
 he says, " It is as infinity to unity that this is not the effect of 
 hazard. "J And what to these men are the names of Kant, of 
 Hegel, of Heine, of Strauss, of Michelet, and Fichte ? men de 
 voted to a science which Mr. Tucker, one of those best acquainted 
 with the subject, has told us, is only able, " like the spear of 
 Achilles, to heal the wounds it had made before. It casts no ad 
 ditional light upon the paths of life, but only disperses the clouds 
 with which it had overspread them. It advances not the traveler 
 one step on his journey, but conducts him back again to the spot 
 from whence he had wandered." 
 
 " May I ask who this Mr. Tucker was ? interrupted a lady 
 near me. 
 
 " Mr. Tucker was the author of "The Light of Nature, " 
 replied the old lady. 
 
 " An English empiric, said the very young lady, with a sneer. 
 
 " * Empiric ! What do you mean by that ? Do you mean a 
 quack? 
 
 " Oh, never, dear madam ; not exactly a quack, but one whose 
 philosophy is purely sensuous ; or, as Lord Bacon has it, " all 
 our knowledge is derived from experience." 
 
 " And Bacon ? 
 
 " The hierophant of empiricism, replied the very young 
 lady. 
 
 " My dear child, let me recite you some verses I learned 
 many years ago, and which contain truths that have stood the 
 test of human scrutiny, and which I doubt if you ever have 
 read. The old lady then recited these lines : 
 
 * From " Consolations in Travel," p. 63. f Powell, Hist. Nat. Phil., p. 378. 
 J System, vol. ii. p. 366. Light of Nature, chap, xxxii. 
 
LUCRETIUS. 277 
 
 " Who holds that naught is known, denies he knows 
 E en this, thus owning that he nothing knows. 
 With such I ne er could reason, who, with face 
 Distorted, treads the ground just trod before. 
 
 Yet grant e en this he knows: since naught exists 
 Of truth in things, whence learns he what to know, 
 Or what not know ? What things can give him first 
 The notion crude of what is false or true ? 
 
 Search, and this earliest notion thou wilt find 
 Of truth and falsehood from the senses drawn, 
 Nor aught can e er refute them : for what once, 
 By truths opposed, their falsehood can detect, 
 Must claim a trust far ampler than themselves. 
 Yet what, than these, an ampler trust can claim ? 
 Can reason, born, forsooth, of erring sense, 
 Impeach those senses whence alone it springs ? 
 And which, if false, itself can ne er be true. 
 Can sight correct the ears ? Can ears the touch? 
 Or touch the tongue s fine flavor ? or, o er all, 
 Can smell triumphant rise? Absurd the thought! 
 For every sense a separate function boasts, 
 A power prescribed; and hence, or soft, or hard, 
 Or hot, or cold, to its appropriate sense 
 Alone appeals. The gaudy train of hues, 
 With their light shades appropriate, thus alike 
 Perceive we; tastes appropriate powers possess; 
 Appropriate sounds and odors ; and hence, too, 
 One sense another ne er can contravene, 
 Nor e en correct itself, since every hour, 
 In every act, each claims an equal faith. 
 
 E en though the mind no real cause could urge 
 Why what is square when present, when remote 
 Cylindric seems, twere dangerous less to adopt 
 A cause unsound, than rashly yield at once 
 All that we grasp of truth and surety most; 
 Rend all reliance, and root up, forlorn, 
 The first firm principles of life and health. 
 For not alone fails reason, life itself 
 Ends instant, if the senses thou distrust, 
 And dare some dangerous precipice, or aught 
 Against warn d equal, spurning what is safe. 
 Hence all against the senses urg d in vain ; 
 Mere idle rant, and hollow pomp of words. 
 
 As, in a building, if the first lines err, 
 If aught impede the plummet, or the rule 
 From its just angles deviate but a hair, 
 The total edifice must rise untrue, 
 Recumbent, curv d, o erhanging, void of grace, 
 Tumbling or tumbled from this first defect 
 So must all reason prove unsound, deduced 
 From things created, if the senses err. * 
 
 * Lucretius. 
 
278 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 "I requested the old lady to give me the reference to this quo 
 tation, which, to me, seemed perfectly satisfactory. She pro 
 mised to send me the quotation, and did so a few days after, and 
 I committed these lines to memory. I know of nothing more 
 perfectly unanswerable. 
 
 " My dear child, do you mean to say you don t believe the 
 Gospel ? continued the old lady, having ended her recitation. 
 
 " My dear madam, replied the very young lady, the evan 
 gelical history is a fable so says StraussS 
 
 " * A fable ! rejoined the old lady; and what of God ? 
 
 " God exists only as an idea, said the young lady, or as 
 Cousin has it, reading her notes, " our ideas of the infinite, and 
 the finite, and the relation between them, are God himself" 
 " God returns to himself in the consciousness of man," or, as 
 Goethe has it in Faust, " Man s dignity yields not to God s sub 
 limity." 
 
 " Well, my dear child, replied the good lady, and is this the 
 result of all your fasting and prayer? 
 
 " Prayer, my dear madam and do you suppose we pray ! 
 to whom ? 
 
 " Why do you fast then? for my grandchild here has been 
 feeding upon bread and water for this week past. Why do you 
 do this? 
 
 " We discipline the body in order to give free scope to the 
 soul, replied the young lady. 
 
 " Truly, said the old lady, looking around the circle with 
 an air of severity, you have been fasting to little purpose to 
 reach a state of mind where all is darkness, despair, and death. 
 Your philosophy is an exhausting process, by which all that is 
 capable of sustaining the soul in sorrow and suffering, is reduced 
 to its lowest term a faith in negations, the more mystical its 
 phrase, so much the more supremely ridiculous in fact. And this 
 is the ultimate of all your attainments, to live without God, and 
 without hope in the world. So saying, the old lady rose, taking 
 her grandchild by the hand, made us her curtsey, and withdrew. 
 
 "Our party were a good deal disheartened by the exhortations 
 of this excellent old lady. We had failed, signally failed, in find 
 ing any two of us whose intuitions were alike, and all of us 
 feared to be told we were infidels and skeptics." 
 
 " And what did you care if this was reported of you ?" said the 
 Gentleman in Black. 
 
 "Care! why, my dear sir, the most refined and sentimental of 
 our number, those who could talk very well in favor of rehabi- 
 litationism and the wrongs of society inflicted especially upon 
 our sex; who could all but demonstrate, that all the evils of life 
 
HELEN PERCY. 279 
 
 arose from the organization of society; and who had plans of 
 phalanxes and communities exceeding all that Fourier had pro 
 jected, or which the Brook farm folks had attempted, turned pale 
 at the thought of their being styled * infidels, and disciples of Fanny 
 Wright indeed ! so great was this fear, that our circle of free 
 inquiry never again assembled, and thus the question of the truth 
 fulness of our several intuitions never could be settled ; and each 
 one of us took the road of intellectual development we thought 
 fittest and best. 
 
 " The predictions of the old lady rested on my mind, and were 
 destined to be most painfully realized, in the dying hours of my 
 dear Helen, of whom I have already spoken as my best friend, 
 and who had first indoctrinated me with this transcendental phi 
 losophy. She was plighted to a gentleman, who was himself 
 deep in all the lore of German scholarship. Her health began to 
 decline, and during the first stages of consumption, her soul was 
 beautifully calm and serene. She spoke of her decease with a 
 composure which Cicero would have envied ; and surrounded as 
 she was with all that could make life attractive, I could not but ad 
 mire the placidity and loveliness of her mind. This continued till 
 toward the very close of life, when a change came over her spirit. 
 
 " One morning, when I called to make her my accustomed visit, 
 I found her reading the Scriptures. She said * I wish I could be 
 lieve these promises ; truly they are " exceeding great and pre 
 cious promises," to those by whom they are realized; but then it 
 is the few only who are so constituted as to adopt them with a 
 firm faith "faith, the gift of God" precious faith! But to my 
 mind, all is dark; and 1 feel the truth of what Luther once said of 
 himself " That he found it as easy to create a world, as to realize 
 a single promise of God s word." Do you remember what the 
 old lady told us of Napoleon and Sir Humphry Davy ? Well, 
 I have the same sad experience in my soul. The attainments of 
 science may answer the demands of the soul while life beats 
 healthfully, but they are worthless now. Alas! Herder, the gen 
 tle and good Herder, in the agonies of dying, calling on his ne 
 phew " for a noble thought, to refresh his spirit withal,"* was a 
 sad sight to all his disciples; and I feel the poverty of such con 
 solations. She repeated the text For our life is hid with 
 Christ in God, and when he shall appear, we shall be like Him, 
 for we shall see Him as he is, and then said What thoughts 
 
 * This was the dying cry of Herder, addressed to his nephew. Tholuck 
 says " Amidst the temptations of life, and the difficulties with which our 
 faith is assaulted, we must have some better foundation than the system of 
 Herder. He was himself an example how little a faith resting on such grounds 
 can affect the life." 
 
280 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 were present to the mind of Paul as he wrote these words ! How 
 safe and sure the rewards of heaven his life was hid with Christ 
 in God ! Surely, faith is the highest of all the efforts of the soul 
 with him it was no phantasma, but a vigorous grasp of the vastness 
 of the thoughts expressed he may well call it " the gift of God." 
 Such was the faith of our Pilgrim fathers ! They mastered and 
 wielded those giant forms of faith, which have now become so fee 
 ble and emasculated in the minds of their children. Regeneration, 
 adoption and sanctification had, to them, a real significance, 
 which they feared not to aver in all their nakedness and strength, 
 in full confidence that God would maintain the truth of revelation. 
 
 " I find, continued Helen, the most singular and beautiful 
 adaptation in the thoughts presented in the Scriptures, to sustain 
 the soul sinking into the sleep of death. They do not call death 
 dying, but sleeping "sleeping with Jesus." Stephen, amid the 
 crushing of the stones, " falls asleep ;" and in this book, taking 
 up Stilling s Autobiography, I find him expressing some very 
 singular conditions of his soul, just before his death, which seem 
 ed hovering, at times, around him, as though he had all but sub 
 limed into a spiritual existence ; and I am perplexed with the 
 thought, whether it may not yet be so that there are future states 
 of being and, if so, what are those states, and what the prepara 
 tion necessary to their attainment : and when I search these Scrip 
 tures,! am terrified by the consciousness that they demand a state 
 of soul which I do not possess and when I seek to possess it, 
 then the philosophy with which I have sought to satisfy myself, 
 presents its arguments with a power that I cannot resist, and ad 
 mits of no possible reconciliation of conflicting opinions ; so my 
 soul is in that most extreme point of wretchedness, and which 
 Lord Bacon has told us is the acme of human misery, when the 
 pendulum vibrates between the points of expectancy and dubiety 
 of hope and despair. 
 
 " I attempted to satisfy her that these misgivings arose, not from 
 any want of truthfulness in philosophy, but the feebleness of her 
 health, and the force of some early prejudices and faith in the 
 Bible, that she could not shake off, which now recurring, cre 
 ated this anxiety of mind. I told her she had examined all these 
 subjects in the possession of her utmost intellectual strength, and 
 she must now rely on her former convictions with all the con 
 fidence of ascertained truths, and dismiss all these questionings. 
 
 "At a subsequent visit, she renewed this subject, which seemed 
 now to engross her whole soul : It is hard, she said, to feel the 
 need of reconstructing the faith of my childhood my belief in the 
 being and attributes of God at a time when my thoughts are so 
 absorbed by my affections for the sorrows of Henry, and my 
 
HELEN PERCY S DEATHBED. 281 
 
 dear father and mother. What shall I do what can I do ? And 
 I could not reply, for I did not know what to say. 
 
 " A few days after this, she failed rapidly, and I was invited 
 to watch with her. On reaching the house, the sad aspect which 
 everything wore, spoke of the hopelessness of her condition. The 
 parlors, which had been the centre of so many pleasant reunions, 
 were lighted, but empty and on the landing-place, before the 
 door of her chamber, I passed the physicians, in whispering con 
 sultation with her father and mother, who expressed a feverish 
 desire to be doing something to try some new medicine. But 
 the gentlemen said, Helen needed nothing so much as soothing 
 rest ; they therefore directed the administration of an anodyne, 
 which I promised to see faithfully administered, * By all means 
 keep her quiet, were their last words. 
 
 " Helen was bolstered up with pillows, breathing short, and ex 
 tremely restless ; she held the hand of her dear Henry, whose 
 tenderness and despair were most painfully depicted in his face. 
 For a moment she relinquished her grasp, to press my hand, and 
 said, * My dear Mrs. Smith, you come to see me die. I was too 
 much affected to speak, and tears soon came to my relief; I kissed 
 her, and told her to hope for the best. Hope oh ! what of hope 
 is there for one who is on the brink of annihilation, or of despair ? 
 I never heard such words so spoken before never felt their force 
 as at that moment On the verge of heaven, dearest ! I replied. 
 * No, my dear Mrs. Smith, to us there exists neither, if our science 
 be true ; and to leave life, and all its affections, and to cease to be, 
 is most dreadful ! But I feel I shall not cease to be there is 
 truth in the saying " death is but a change of being"* but what will 
 be that state ? a worm, a butterfly no more. She was silent. 
 
 44 And I said, 4 An angel, Helen, a bright, beautiful spirit soar 
 ing to realms of unclouded day. 
 
 44 4 Oh! this would be beautiful, she replied, but you know 
 we believe that there is no higher form of existence than that we 
 now possess. 44 God returns to himself in man" she said, 
 quoting the axiom of Strauss. 
 
 44 Her night passed wearily away, and never was a night so 
 long to me. She slept under the influence of morphine, a heavy 
 death-like sleep, and awoke about two o clock, after midnight. Her 
 eyes were bright and her intellect unclouded, her respiration 
 feeble, but her voice retained its silvery tones. We asked her to 
 take the medicine. 
 
 44 No ! I will not be drugged in my dying hours. I want 
 to look upon life once more ; to see for a last time my father 
 
 * Heraclitus. 
 
282 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 and my mother, ere I sleep the sleep of death. And I could 
 not find it in my heart to resist her entreaties to be spared the 
 medicine, which, she said, had for its object, not to cure, but 
 to steep her senses in forgetfulness. 
 
 " Henry, seeing her restless, and in pain, said, Dearest Helen, it 
 is time you took your dose of morphine ! 
 
 " Oh ! no, dear Henry, do not drug me ; I shall soon be asleep 
 to wake no more do not let me lose the sight of you, Yvliile life 
 lasts. You do not wish me lapped in the sleep of senselessness 
 before my time ? 
 
 " Oh ! Helen, how can you say such things to me, my angel 
 love ! 
 
 " Dearest Henry, forgive me; I know you love me better than 
 life, and she drew him to her, and throwing her arms around his 
 neck, pressed her lips to his, with a kiss so long and so intense, 
 that I thought she would have infused her soul in the kiss, so 
 full it was of undying love and devotedness. Tears came to 
 their relief, and her own sorrow seemed chastened by her tender 
 efforts to subdue the agonies of her lover, whose frame shook 
 with the intensity of his grief. 
 
 " Calmed by this burst of their emotions, Henry said, * The doc 
 tor had said the morphine must be taken; and with a resignation 
 which Socrates could not have surpassed, she took the cup from 
 Henry s hand, and said, Dear Henry, if this be my last moment 
 of conscious existence, let me tell you I have loved you with a 
 devotion which has made you the idol of my soul, and now my 
 sweetest consolation is, the hope that you may yet be loved by 
 one, if not as well, yet by one who can, who will make you 
 happy. My precious Henry, one more last kiss, and then fare 
 well. I took the cup, while Henry and Helen once more em 
 braced each other ; kisses mingled with tears, and made bitter by 
 the certainty that they were indeed the last. The cup was then 
 taken by Henry, and kissing me, she said, Now let me drink 
 the cup. Oh that, like Christ, an angel would come to strengthen 
 me ! She drank it to the dregs ; a bitter cup, steeped in the full 
 consciousness of the despair and death, which it contained. But 
 so intense was the activity of her mind, it only soothed her into 
 a dozing state, from which she would start, gaze around fearfully, 
 and seeing us, smile and doze again. 
 
 " When her parents entered at daybreak, their meeting was 
 most touching; she tried to smile, and recall the thoughts she had 
 so often expressed, of the necessity of submitting with serenity 
 to the decrees of fate, and as she kissed her father, she said, 
 * Dearest, most precious father, "we must endure our going hence 
 e en as our coming hither. Ripeness is all." 
 
MRS. SMITH S COUSIN. 283 
 
 " * My sweet child, said the father, with a voice trembling 
 with grief, you are indeed ripe for heaven God never took to 
 himself one more pure, one more worthy of a mansion in the 
 skies. The tears started to her eyes. 4 Oh that I could be 
 lieve ! oh that I could hope ! but if the Bible be true, what meet- 
 ness have I for the society of Him whose existence I have de 
 nied ? Her mother sunk at her side in a swoon, and we were 
 compelled to carry her out of the chamber. Now it was she 
 felt the worthlessness of a belief which resulted in annihilation. 
 I do not like to recall this fearful scene. There was no one of 
 us who knew how to offer the consolations she required. We 
 feared to repeat to her promises of the Scriptures which she could 
 not accept, and which, she said, was like offering water to the lip 
 of one dying with thirst, without the ability to swallow and so 
 she sunk amidst our sighs and tears, into the slumbers of the 
 tomb." 
 
 Mrs. Smith was unable to continue her narrative for the tears 
 which now interrupted her utterance. 
 
 " Before," continued Mrs. Smith, " the effect of her death 
 had ceased to affect me, and to make me fear whether there might 
 not be something hollow and worthless in the sentiments I had 
 so sedulously sought to imbibe, this scene was renewed at my 
 own home. My cousin Sarah L*****, the widow of a very elo 
 quent preacher, came to my house in the last stages of decline, to 
 pass the winter with me in Babylon the Less in the hope that 
 she might be benefited by a change of air. She was only twen 
 ty-three, and had buried in one year, some years before, her 
 husband and child and mother and brother; and since then, had 
 lost her only brother and sister, and was now all alone in the 
 world. When these fearful bereavements reached her, she was 
 full of buoyancy of heart life had been to her one summer s 
 day and now all was desolate and drear. I feared to meet her, 
 though I rejoiced in the opportunity of tendering my little aid to 
 make her last days happy. When she reached us, our utmost 
 hopes were bounded by the spring. She was the most lovely 
 image of decline I had ever seen her beauty was so spiritual, 
 that it seemed as if she had only to be etherealized to soar away 
 into heaven.. Her spirit was chastened, and weaned away from all 
 that was earthly, so that she seemed to me more an angel than a 
 human soul ; and then her smile, so languid yet so sweet, that I 
 could not bear to be away from her for a single hour. She could 
 converse but little, and I was surprised at the deep sense of her 
 sinfulness of heart; that she who was an angel of purity, feared 
 that she was not yet reconciled to God. Her faith was per 
 fectly childlike ; her confidence in the truth of the Scriptures as 
 
284 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 real as in her own existence, and her only wish was to be per 
 fectly submissive to the will of God, and to be assured that she 
 really trusted in the merits and mediation of Christ as her God 
 and Saviour; and when she expressed these thoughts to me, and 
 I expressed my firm belief that of all the beings on earth, she 
 was the most Christlike and divine, she would look sad and sor 
 rowful, and say, Dear cousin, you do not know your own 
 heart, and cannot, therefore, judge of the condition of mine; 
 and when our cousin Mary came to see her, I was astonished 
 and perplexed at the sympathy which was instantly manifested ; 
 for Mary was distinguished for her piety and zeal. To her, my 
 sweet cousin told of all her trials and temptations, and seemed to 
 drink in with intense avidity all she said, which was altogether 
 unintelligible to me, for so far from combatting any of these strange 
 views of her sinfulness, Mary avowed that they were but par 
 tial conceptions of their fearful reality; but then she had the 
 most felicitous and soothing promises from the Scriptures, which 
 seemed as if they must have been written to suit just the frame 
 of feeling expressed by our cousin ; and then, too, the whole body 
 of devotional lyrics were at her command, and she sung to her 
 cousin Sarah, with a voice of the sweetest harmony, hymns which 
 seemed to waft her rapt spirit to the very gates of Paradise, while 
 her countenance beamed with a beauty of expression altogether 
 angelic. Oh ! thought I, * that I knew how to convey to cousin 
 such consolations. Alas ! what would I have given, if Helen could 
 have had a cousin Mary to have been in my place during her fatal 
 illness. Not that I believed these views were just and true, but 
 I saw they had so sweet an effect, and were so tranquilizing in 
 their tendencies. The last day of her sufferings was evidently 
 at hand and the evening of the day before she died, she sent 
 for cousin Mary, and said to her, Dear cousin, stay with me till I 
 am gone ; and we both watched beside her, during the night, and 
 their whispers only reached me as I lay on a sofa but it seemed 
 more like the converse of those already in a world of blessedness, 
 than in a vale of tears. Mary recited hymns, passages of the 
 Scriptures, and often sang for her, till the day dawned. She then 
 asked us to draw aside the curtains of the window, for, said she, 
 * let me see the sun arise once more. It was a clear, cold, frosty 
 morning, and the day star was still shining, when the day broke, 
 and the sun rolled up, and shone full in her face. With a smile 
 of utmost sweetness, she thanked us to let down the curtains, and 
 said, * I shall never see that sun set ; and at nine she took leave 
 of my husband, and gave us her farewell kisses, renewing her 
 thousand thanks for all our love. This done, we stood around her, 
 dear Mary still comforting her with the promises so suited to a 
 
DEATH OF MRS. SARAH W. L . 285 
 
 soul just bathing her feet in the waters of the Jordan of death, 
 when she again spoke Dear cousin, I cannot see you and 
 paused but I see Jesus ! O how bright ! and while we were 
 bending over her, doubtful if her soul had not taken its long flight, 
 she made one more last effort to speak and we heard her say, 
 I would not be back for worlds ! and so she died the most 
 lovely image of purity and peace I had ever beheld or can hope 
 to see." 
 
 " And what effect had all this upon you ?" asked the Gentle 
 man in Black. 
 
 " For awhile I felt an irresistible desire to adopt the doctrines 
 that led to so happy a death and cousin Mary was very earnest 
 I should do so ; but I found to do this, I must undergo a discipline 
 of soul and a change of feeling to which I was utterly averse and, 
 though my pious cousin had no conception of the doubts enter 
 tained by me on these subjects, yet so it was, that what seemed 
 to her to be the plainest of all truths, appeared to me full of inex 
 plicable difficulties ; and as time passed on, I found myself in new 
 states of mind, which I had neither expected, nor sought for. 
 
 " My faith in the Scriptures became no more firm, while all 
 hope of any degree of certainty as to the ultimate truth of philoso 
 phy faded away, and left me just where I am, neither a skeptic 
 nor a believer in anything. 
 
 " My pursuits in this direction were at an end. I recurred to 
 my early and fond desires to enjoy the distinctions and pleasures 
 of fashionable life. I know only of the present of this I am cer 
 tain. Indeed, I found all my efforts at certainty hopeless. After 
 long study, I sometimes thought I had obtained an absolute or 
 intuitive truth, but the next day it was gone. The task was like 
 grappling so many slippery eels immersed in a vase of turbid 
 water ; the moment I felt I had got hold of one, it slipped out 
 of my hand ; so I relinquished the task. I did not need to go to 
 any school of philosophy to learn that this was a real world, in 
 which, to use the candid confession I once heard made by an old 
 minister, who had been picturing life in dismal colors, when, as 
 if conscience stricken for his ingratitude, he said, after all, 
 brethren, the world does afford some fine pickings. With such 
 thoughts I gave up the pursuit of the real, and determined to con 
 tent myself with the apparent. 
 
 * Money, says the great Apostle of Pantheism,* * is the prose 
 
 * Rev. R. W. Emerson s Essays, 2d series, p. 223. To show the last 
 phase of development of Unitarian Christianity, I beg to add the following 
 extract from these Essays. He says, on page 263, "Jesus would absorb the 
 race; but Tom Paine, or the coarsest blasphemer, helps humanity by resisting 
 this exuberance of power. Hence the immense benefits of party in politics, 
 
286 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 of life, and in its effects and laws as beautiful as roses. This 
 great solvent of the Alps, which had separated me from the Italian 
 skies of fashionable life, my husband had acquired and placed at 
 my disposal, and you have seen this night my first essay on the 
 sunny side of the mountain, and how sadly my bright sunshine 
 has been dimmed by dying lamps and closed in by a shower of 
 spermaceti. But to make an end of my confessions. The future 
 may or may not be and I hope I have no desire to impair the hap 
 piness of others, while I seek my own. If I knew anything better 
 than what I seek, 1 would pursue it with the same steadiness of 
 purpose but I find that many of those who are deemed pietists 
 have the same appreciation of this world that I have and so I 
 have come to the conclusion which Shakspeare has so well ex 
 pressed : 
 
 Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. " 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 Visit of Mrs. Smith to the "community" at Rock Creek Dispersion of the 
 Free Inquirers Mrs. Smith s opinion of Fourierism Story of Jane Oracle; 
 her devotion to Socialism Her attachment to " Cousin Richard" Joins 
 the Fourierists Distress of her parents Mrs. Smith enlisted to recover 
 her Goes to Rock Creek Finds Jane scouring knives and forks Their 
 gossip of Babylon State of Jane s mind Sees a Babylonian dandy; his 
 employment Scene in Jane s chamber The gloves A conversation 
 A dinner scene The supper and ball described Jane spends the Sunday 
 with Mrs. Smith She recovers her friend Jane s reception at home The 
 Gentleman in Black gives his opinions of Fourierism. 
 
 See Appendix G. for statements of the system of Fourier. 
 
 THE Gentleman in Black expressed his high gratification at the 
 confessions of Mrs. Smith, and asked, "What became of your 
 * coterie of Free Inquirers?" 
 
 "Most of them were here this evening," replied Mrs. Smith. 
 "They corne to see me, and sometimes talk their mystic nonsense 
 to me ; but I am no longer interested in their inquiries, and so I 
 
 as it reveals faults of character in a chief, which the intellectual force of other 
 persons, with ordinary opportunity, and not hurled into the aphelion by hatred, 
 could not have seen. Since we are so stupid, what benefit that there should 
 be two stupidities /" Can anything exceed this in blasphemy ? P. SCULEMIHL. 
 
JANE GRACIE, THE FOURIERIST. 287 
 
 laugh at them, and ask, How soon the doctrines of Kant, and 
 Hegel, and Heine will have become the myths of an age of 
 benighted Germans? Fourierism has never had any attrac 
 tions for me, and I have felt myself content with the position in 
 which I find myself, nor can they create a phalanstery half so 
 beautiful as my own house. Indeed, the only one I have ever 
 visited, was every way distasteful. 
 
 " Indeed !" said the Gentleman in Black, " and have you ever 
 been induced to enter one of these institutions ? You have forgot 
 ten this in your confessions." 
 
 "No, my visit was not on account of any wish I have ever en 
 tertained in connection with this subject; but I was induced last 
 summer to go to the Rock Creek Farm, to recover one of the love 
 liest girls of our coterie, who had no bounds to her enthusiasm. 
 You doubtless noticed her as being dressed in lace, with diamonds 
 in her hair." 
 
 " Oh yes, and I was particularly interested in her, and should 
 never have believed it possible that she had ever had a wish be 
 yond the attractions of a ball-room. Her whole soul seemed 
 absorbed in the gayeties of your party. I never saw one wearing 
 the aspect of greater joyousness of heart. May I beg you will 
 tell me your experience on Fourierism." 
 
 " I have had little to do with Fourierism," replied Mrs. Smith, 
 "and know but little of its theory, as you must have seen by the 
 surprise exhibited by me in making scavengers of children. In 
 deed, except what has come to my knowledge in connection with 
 this young lady, and the conversations of some of our earnest and 
 enthusiastic ladies, who always have presented to me the fair side 
 of this new system for the reorganization of society, I know next 
 to nothing, and I have thought it surprising that highly endowed 
 and well-principled women can be found to lend it their counte 
 nance, if it be so bad as it has been represented. But they are 
 doubtless flattered by the equality and liberty it holds forth a 
 liberty to do what seems to me must be abhorrent to every pure- 
 minded woman. I have had, I must confess, my day-dreams of 
 an improved condition of my sex. I feel our present position is 
 not the one best adapted either for our happiness, or improve 
 ment. We are too often either the toys and playthings of society, 
 or its unrewarded drudges. Howl wish the relations of husband 
 and wife had more of confidence, more of equality of labor and 
 of care ! I don t like this classifying of women into mere house 
 hold servants, or of glittering and gayly-dressed mistresses. Let 
 us be in deed and in truth, the sharers and partners with our hus 
 bands and brothers of the burdens, if not of their daily duties, yet 
 of their solicitude and cares; but as it now is, how little do sis 
 ters and wives know of what their brothers and husbands are 
 
288 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 doing. There is too little community of thought, and therefore 
 too little community of feeling, until at last they find themselves 
 all but strangers to the affairs of those whom they live to love, 
 and could live to serve and sustain, rather than to amuse." 
 
 " My dear madam," replied the Gentleman in Black, with un 
 usual sobriety of manner, "this subject is full of difficulty, and 
 the time is not yet when your highest wishes will be accomplished. 
 That time will come; but for its full development, society is to 
 pass through many phases of progress. It will come." 
 
 "Ah! but when, and where, and how?" asked Mrs. Smith 
 with earnestness. 
 
 "Madam," replied the Gentleman in Black with a smile, " to 
 answer all these questions, would lead me to give you my theory 
 of development and progress of the human race, which would be 
 a very long, and perhaps tedious task for you to hear, and would 
 not, I fear, repay you for your attention." 
 
 "By no means," said Mrs. Smith; "I m all alive to the sub 
 ject." 
 
 " Indeed ! then I will do so hereafter; but just now permit me 
 to beg you will tell me of your visit to Rock Creek Farm, and of 
 your methods of recovery of this lovely girl to the circles for 
 which she seems far better fitted than any of those beehives of 
 industry, economy, and labor, by whatever name they may be 
 called." 
 
 "I will do so, with pleasure," said Mrs. Smith, "if you will 
 redeem the promise you have just made me."* 
 
 The Gentleman in Black bowed his acquiescence, and Mrs. 
 Smith proceeded : 
 
 " The young lady whom you have seen, is of a warm and gene 
 rous nature, and in a past age would have made a devotee, or even 
 a St. Bridget; but it has so happened that, under the guidance of 
 a transcendental school of religionists, if they may be so called, 
 she became a warm advocate for all manner of liberty of opinion 
 and action. Her hatred of the theological dogmas which have, 
 as she says, chained down the soul in its aspirations, has extended 
 to all the conventional forms of society ; and once loosening her 
 grasp on the old and established opinions, founded on the Chris 
 tian religion, she has gone on, with an eagle s flight, into the high 
 est sphere of German philosophy; and I have heard her discourse 
 earnestly in favor of Rehabilitationism a long word which she 
 interpreted to me, as the restoration of those rights to human na 
 ture, of which Christianity has deprived mankind. 
 
 "I must confess it astonished me to hear a young girl whom I 
 know to be as unspotted as unsunned snow, utter sentiments 
 
 * This chapter is still to be written if ever. PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
JANE GRACIE. 289 
 
 she would shrink from with abhorrence, if reduced to practice. 
 She was eloquent in describing a condition of society of which 
 mankind were capable, and for which we of the present age 
 were bound to take the first steps in a course of improvement 
 which would make this world a paradise, some three or four cen 
 turies hence. To all this, I playfully replied in the words of the 
 old member of parliament, 4 What has posterity done for us, that 
 we should make such sacrifices for them ? Ah ! she said, * Chris 
 tianity has had its noble army of martyrs, and shall social science 
 be wanting in its Confessors? Must we do nothing to show the 
 selfish, anti-social race of man, where happiness is to be found? 
 That every blessing now possessed, is capable of being heightened 
 a thousand-fold, by making others equally happy. 
 
 "While my dear Jane Grade was thus occupied, her parents 
 were too busy to know anything of their child: her father in 
 making money, and her mother in her devotion to the church and 
 fashionable life. The church Jane attended only to be more and 
 more disgusted with formulas of what to her was an effete sys 
 tem of religion, in which the greatest of all changes, the regene 
 ration of the soul, was claimed to be perfected by the simplest of 
 all rites. To her mind, the old phrase of regeneration embodied 
 a grand idea, which, she said, had been shadowed forth by Jesus 
 and his disciples; and the example of the early Christians having 
 all things in common, was with her the beginning of the grand 
 system fully developed by the apostle of freedom and of society, 
 Charles Fourier. 
 
 "It is strange how such a girl," continued Mrs. Smith, " can 
 travel on in a path of thought and feeling like this, without those 
 nearest her having the slightest conception of what is at work in her 
 bosom. She doubtless deemed her father, a dear good father, too 
 deeply immersed in his gains ever to be recovered, and her mother 
 as bigoted to the mere outside show of a religion, which in her mind 
 was only the first step of progress in man s recovery of his high 
 destiny, from which he had fallen by becoming isolated, (that was 
 the word) in families families led to tribes tribes led to na 
 tions, nations to war, and all its desolations. Society, she said 
 with too much truth, I fear, is a state of warfare laws were made 
 for the protection of property man s life was set down as worth 
 less, when money was at stake, estimated by some nations at the 
 cost of a horse, and by others at the price of a halter. 
 
 " There was, out of our coterie, but one person to whom she 
 
 told her thoughts and her aspirations, and this was the son of a 
 
 very wealthy family, with whom her father had been associated 
 
 in early life, as the partner of his commercial house. This son 
 
 19 
 
290 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 has all the qualities of excellence and virtue ; he has early de 
 voted himself to science, and was admitted, quite young, to mem 
 bership in the church of which his father is a ruling elder. 
 These parents had from their infancy wished their son and daugh 
 ter should cement their old friendship by the ties of love and mar 
 riage. From childhood, they had had the consciousness of this 
 their fondest wish, and as they grew up, they had looked upon 
 each other as destined to be husband and wife. This sentiment had 
 been fostered by the parents of Richard Gray, supplying him from 
 his earliest years with beautiful gifts to be presented by him to Jane 
 on her birth-day, and on New Year s day, and in like manner Jane 
 had her appropriate gifts, usually the work of her own needle, to 
 send to Cousin Richard, as he was then called. 
 
 "Richard, at the time I made the acquaintance with Jane, was 
 in college, hard at his studies, and Jane busied herself at home, 
 reading and studying all sorts of books, dipping into German and 
 French, and Italian everything by turns and nothing long; 
 though such was her readiness to acquire languages, that she 
 speaks these with the facility of a native. 
 
 * My dear Helen Percy and herself became acquainted while 
 studying German together under the same teacher; both equally 
 earnest and enthusiastic ; and so Jane, though very young, was ad 
 mitted as the companion of Helen, into the circle of Free Inquirers, 
 where I found her at my entrance. As the dear friend of Helen, 
 we soon became intimate, and from some reason, I can t say why, 
 perhaps it was because she saw Helen loved me so well, and 
 made me her confidant, Jane must confide in me, too, and thus 
 I became the repository of all her little trials. She told me of her 
 father and mother their inability to sympathize with her ; and 
 by and by of Richard Gray ; and how he wrote her letters so lov 
 ing and so pious, arid reproaching her for what he was pleased 
 to call her skepticism; and how she dreaded to meet him, and 
 that she felt he never could love her that they never could think 
 alike, and ought never to be married; and, then, if she refused 
 him, how miserable it would make both his parents and her own ; 
 and that he, too, would be the most wretched of all that he was 
 good, amiable, but then such a bigot ! l No! no ! she would say, 
 with tears in her eyes, if Christianity has had its self-sacrificing 
 disciples, so ought socialism. I must be a martyr I am content 
 to be one but oh that I could be one without inflicting misery on 
 hearts I so dearly love ! 
 
 "About two years or more ago, her Cousin Richard graduated, 
 and, contrary to the wishes of Jane, set out on a tour of Europe. 
 And Jane, no longer under the restraintof his presence, determined, 
 at least while he was absent, and perhaps for life, to follow out a 
 
291 
 
 plan which had long lain in her bosom, of joining the Community 
 of Rock Creek. 
 
 "I did all in my power to dissuade her from doing so. When 
 she expressed her wish and purpose to her parents, they were 
 taken by surprise, not less astounding than it was painful. The 
 mother woke up to the consciousness that her daughter was an 
 infidel, and her father that his child was crazy. Their methods 
 of meeting her wishes were diverse, but equally unfortunate, and 
 had no other effect than to confirm her in her resolution. If 
 you leave my house, you must never hope to return, were the 
 last words of her angry and unyielding father, when she made 
 him acquainted with her wishes. 
 
 "Knowing from their daughter, the confidence she had reposed 
 in me, though with no very kind sentiments for me at the mo 
 ment, they appealed to me for aid. And after a long consultation, 
 in which I satisfied them of my innocence of fostering or favoring 
 any such sentiments as those adopted by their wayward and wil 
 ful child, so they called her, I advised them to leave to experience 
 to work the changes we all desired. 
 
 " To this her father reluctantly consented, though he said he 
 could not and would not aid her in any way, manner or form to 
 do so would be to share her sins, and he would not do it could 
 not do it. As to the mother, she could in no way be brought to 
 see the expediency of such a course ; she said, the society of these 
 infidels could only confirm her child in her dreadful apostacy. 
 
 " It resulted in Jane s leaving Babylon for the Rock Creek 
 Community, unaided by her father, and in despite of the tears of 
 her mother. Proud of the sacrifices she was called upon to make, 
 she took merely the plainest of her dresses, and only as much mo 
 ney as would pay her expenses there ; all else was left by her, 
 with a feeling of proud contempt. 
 
 " Months elapsed, and they heard nothing from Jane, and then 
 Jane wrote how perfectly happy she was, but gave no particulars 
 what she was doing. She told them, she knew of no hours of 
 ennui; labor was delightful, when associated, as she was, with 
 persons of high intellectual culture and refinement. After 
 awhile, she wrote to rne that at last the grand enigma of human 
 happiness was solved, and there would soon be no such hateful 
 distinctions as existed when the rich were miserable for want of 
 occupation, and the poor wretched from excess of labor. 
 
 " Her parents came to me from time to time for comfort and 
 assurance. I told them time alone could aid them, and they must 
 let her alone. To this they reluctantly consented. As for poor 
 Richard, he was in despair; his letters to her parents were full of 
 entreaty to unceasing effort for her recovery from the fatal course 
 she was pursuing, of which he said he had seen too many exam- 
 
292 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 pies abroad, to inspire hope that she could come out of such an 
 Association, the pure-minded girl she was when she entered into 
 the Community. All which fears, I was sure, resulted from dif 
 ference in the condition of morals on the continent and in this 
 country. Still, I could not but deeply sympathize with him in 
 all the grief his letters so eloquently expressed. 
 
 " A few months since, Richard arrived from his continental 
 travels. He came at once to see me: I was delighted to find him 
 greatly improved in his manners and appearance, without the 
 slightest foppery of French society. I told him of my views re 
 specting Jane, and that it would not be expedient for him to go to 
 the Rock Creek farm ; I would do so, and I did not despair of suc 
 cess. Richard had brought with him, at my request, among other 
 presents, a beautiful inlaid box of Parisian gloves, a size too small, 
 but marked with her number. Now gloves were a passion with 
 Jane ; and the strongest tie which at first bound me to her, was 
 the discovery that my gloves were a perfect fit for her. My 
 husband had sent out my glove to a distinguished maker in Paris ; 
 and Jane through me had been supplied by the same manufac 
 turer; and it occurred to me, that I could turn this present to 
 good account. I knew Jane idolized her hand, which certainly is 
 perfectly beautiful." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black smiled. 
 
 " I do not compliment my own hand," said Mrs. Smith, quickly, 
 "by saying so." 
 
 "My dear madam," replied the Gentleman in Black, "your 
 hand needs no compliment it is beyond all praise." 
 
 "Oh, no !" said Mrs. Smith, playfully putting her hands behind 
 her, " you must permit me to say so much, because my story 
 turns on this pivot." She continued her narrative: 
 
 "When my husband next went to Bostonia on business, which 
 is of frequent occurrence, I accompanied him; and the morning of 
 our arrival, I took a carriage and my baggage, and set out to make a 
 visit to Jane. The road was no way attractive on leaving the city, 
 and after an hour s ride, I found myself at the Rock Creek Commu 
 nity farm-house. It wore all the aspects of a house of larger size than 
 is usual, with a number of out-buildings. I arrived on a Saturday 
 morning about eleven o clock. The lady of the principal received 
 me with grace and courtesy. I told her the object of my visit. 
 She ordered my trunk to be carried to a chamber, where every 
 thing was simple, and in perfect neatness in all its arrangements. 
 The lady aided me in arranging my dress, and then said, Your 
 friend Jane is at this moment engaged, but as she will be occupied 
 for an hour or more, perhaps you will be willing to visit her at 
 her work. I expressed my pleasure to do so ; and she led me 
 into a large kitchen in which there were quite a number of fe- 
 
JANE GRACIE S OCCUPATION. 293 
 
 males, all at work, some making bread, others ironing clothing, and 
 the like domestic duties, and my lovely Jane was seated with a large 
 tray of knives and forks, and a bristol-brick beside her, with a 
 scouring board on her lap, scouring knives, engaged at the instant 
 in a gay humored chat with the females around her. 
 
 " The instant she heard my voice, she jumped up, and, regard 
 less of all consequences, threw her arms round my neck, and 
 powdered the skirts of my dress with the dust from her check 
 apron. She soon discovered the effects of her eagerness, and 
 laughing, said, * See how we despise the gay trappings of society ; 
 looking at her own dress, which was of the coarsest kind, and 
 such as no servant of mine would consent to wear for a single 
 day. 
 
 " I seated myself on a stool beside her, apparently unconscious 
 of all around me, and she renewed her labors, while I talked all 
 the while in a gay tone, though, as I incidentally spoke of our 
 mutual friends, I could see on her face, for an instant, shades of 
 sadness. But avoiding every topic which could pain her, I went 
 on with the gossip of Babylon, as I would have done had we met 
 in a saloon surrounded with all the elegancies of fashion, instead 
 of a kitchen, offensive from the steam of boiling clothes, the fumes 
 of turnips, and cabbage, and meats, in process of cooking, and all 
 disagreeable perfumes, such as are only met with in the kitchens of 
 poor-houses and penitentiaries. 
 
 " She asked me, if I could endure the compound of villainous 
 smells by which they were visited. I told her, if she could en 
 dure it for a year and more, I might survive it for a few hours. 
 She said, in a sad tone, It is not the fragrance of roses, but it is 
 useful and necessary, and we must in this life look to the useful 
 rather than the pleasant, if we hope to accomplish anything in 
 life. This scouring of knives and forks, she continued, with a 
 forced smile, after all, is not the easiest work in the world. I 
 asked her, * How it was that she came to prefer this to all the 
 other departments of labor ? saying, I supposed this was, of course, 
 the vocation, of all others, for which she found herself best fitted? 
 
 "Jane shook her head, and, looking down, rubbed away at her 
 scouring-board. So soon as she could speak, having suppressed 
 the rising emotion in her heart, she said, * No, dear Mrs. Smith, 
 it is not so. I had hoped to have found myself useful here as a 
 teacher of some one or more of the languages I have acquired, or 
 of the accomplishments to which I have devoted so much of my 
 time. But you know I came here, not as a boarder, but as an 
 operative. My father would not aid me, and so I brought no 
 thing but my hands, and a heart devoted to the work of the re-or 
 ganization of society. Here an experiment is necessarily limited 
 
294 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 to our present means. In a phalanx, all the conditions of human 
 life are suited, but not so here. We have to labor here as we 
 may be most useful. 
 
 " When I reached this place, she continued, every depart 
 ment was filled except that of scullion to the kitchen, which had 
 been vacated by the daughter of a clergyman, who had consented 
 to return to the slavery of society, as a young wife. I had, there 
 fore, no choice but to return or remain. I did not hesitate, and here 
 you see me. It was not so pleasant at first, but it was labor, and 
 labor is honorable ; far more worthy of me than the wretched life 
 of insipidity to which I was born rising from a bed upon which 
 I had had no sweet sleep, to be dressed by a maid, and spend an 
 hour in the combing and arrangement of my hair; then to ride 
 out and make some dozen wearisome calls, on tame, stupid, fash 
 ionable people, whose range of ideas were all about the church, 
 the latest style of dress, or the opera, and to return, jaded, to a 
 dinner for which I had no appetite then to doze awhile before 
 dressing for the evening, the work of another hour, and after all 
 this, to find myself called upon to amuse a gentleman, with whom 
 I had no single feeling in common; to play to him music he could 
 not comprehend, and task my wits for some topic of trifling con 
 versation, with which he had the least degree of familiarity. 
 
 " I laughed heartily at the terrible picture she had drawn of 
 city life. 
 
 " You may laugh, dear Mrs. Smith, but you know tis true 
 to the letter. Here I rise at five in the morning, wash and dress 
 myself in ten minutes, comb my own hair, and, if the weather be 
 fine, take a long walk with some one or more of our ladies or gen 
 tlemen, as it may please me. We have the same literary tastes, 
 we read the same books, we meet at the same table, we aid each 
 other in our labors ; two evenings in a week we dance in our din- 
 ing-hall, and have ample time for mental culture. Now, though 
 this is but a most imperfect exhibition of what a Phalanstery 
 would be, yet can you doubt I am far happier here than 1 was in 
 Babylon ? 
 
 " I listened quietly, as if all this was a matter of course, and 
 Jane was evidently a little surprised that it produced so little im 
 pression upon me, and then I again recurred to the scenes of home. 
 She at first spoke little of her parents ; their severity, as she felt 
 it to be, had had a hardening influence on her heart, and she cher 
 ished the proud feeling that she was a martyr to the cause of so 
 cial reform. I chose not to perceive this feeling, but recalled, in 
 the course of our conversation, many pleasing incidents in the so 
 cial circles of our city, told her who were engaged and who were 
 married, and how happy they were, and what beautiful babies 
 
THE BABYLONIAN DANDY. 295 
 
 had made their appearance among her familiar friends, and the 
 names they bore of the operas which had been brought out, and 
 were to be brought out the coming winter, the different singers, 
 and their powers of voice, and how much I had enjoyed my visits 
 to the opera, of which I knew she was passionately fond. 
 
 " And so the time passed away til] the knives and forks were 
 all polished and laid away. Untying her apron, and hanging it 
 up, she said, * Now I am at leisure till after dinner ; and she then 
 took me over the building, introduced me as we met the inmates, 
 and told me their several duties. They were all dressed appro 
 priately to their different labors, yet all wore dresses coarse and 
 cheap, and shoes which would be regarded heavy anywhere but 
 in the community. The utmost cordiality of manner and freedom 
 of intercourse seemed to exist among the members. It being 
 Saturday, most of the scholars in the Institution had returned to 
 their families for the day, to return on the following Monday. 
 
 " We walked over the farm, and there we saw the male members 
 in their rustic dresses at work one man in a Panama hat, which 
 flapped down on all sides, and a short jacket, with pantaloons 
 reaching only to his ankles, was engaged in the singular task of 
 hanging out clothes upon a line to dry. As we passed, he made 
 us a bow with great grace of manner, and cried out * II faut se 
 conformer aux nouveJles modes. Jane replied, Cela est abso- 
 lument necessaire dans le siecle ou nous vivons. 
 
 " I asked, * what this could mean ? Jane laughed and said, 
 1 There is an example of the transforming influence of associated 
 labor. In me you see one of the fashionable girls of Babylon, who 
 was wont to appear in all the elaborate paraphernalia of fashion 
 able attire, about the hours of one and three o clock in Broadway, 
 of a summer s day, with my veil and parasol, to saunter into 
 shops, and grimace to my dear friends as they passed. Now the 
 veil and parasol are superseded by this deep sun-bonnet; and that 
 strange-looking man, who is so usefully occupied, was once one 
 of those admirably dressed men, who serve as manikins for mer 
 chant tailors to show the perfectibility of their dress coats upon 
 and yet you see him here. He is a strange mortal ! for though 
 he is devoted to the experiment we are making here, yet all the 
 while is a most bigoted person, believing in all the traditions of 
 Episcopacy, and thinking if we were but confirmed by the Bishop, 
 Heaven would be begun on earth. 
 
 " It was certainly," continued Mrs. Smith, "a novel case, and 
 
 one which I afterwards learned had tested the patience and the 
 
 principles of the Fourierists no little but they were pledged to 
 
 unchartered liberty of opinions, and had to submit to the infliction. 
 
 " * But, I asked, why make a female drudge of him ? Ah ! 
 
296 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 she said, laughing, * what else is he fit for ? You see me, a 
 fashionable girl, the scullion, and that fop, the man of all work of 
 the females. He was found fit for nothing else, and though he 
 has tried with all his might to excel, yet it was a long time before 
 he could even put a wooden pin on a sheet, which would be sure 
 to hold it. And our ladies taxed him to wash out all the stains 
 and mud on their soiled clothes, before they could bring him to 
 the degree of care which was requisite for the work he is now 
 engaged in. 
 
 "This was certainly a strange exhibition of the transforming 
 forms of Fourierism. As we repassed him on our return, h-? 
 again addressed us in the gay and affected tone of a dandy of the 
 first water. 
 
 "On reaching Jane s chamber, which was divested of every 
 luxury, having a bedstead, two chairs, and a table covered with 
 books, we sat down to a more confidential chat. She had never, 
 in any manner, alluded to Richard, so I had to open that topic. 
 I felt deeply anxious for the effect of my effort, and thought if 
 there was a chord which could be reached successfully, it would 
 be when I recalled the recollections of her young love for Richard, 
 his hopes, and his continued devotedness to her. But how to 
 begin was the difficulty. 
 
 ** I remembered the gloves, and ran to my room and brought 
 them. * Here, said I, * is a box of gloves which Richard has 
 brought from Paris, and begged me to present to you. She took 
 the box with emotion looked at it. It was very beautiful, 
 and the vignette was significant and graceful. I m much obliged 
 to Richard for thinking of me ; but what use have I of gloves 
 here? I gave her the key, and she opened the box, taking out 
 the gloves pair by pair, and kissed them, and then replaced them. 
 
 " I took her hand, and examined it ; it was certainly not so fair 
 as it once was, and I said, I fear your hand has grown too large 
 for the gloves you once wore. 
 
 "She looked at her hand earnestly Do you think so? and 
 instantly commenced trying on a pair of the gloves. I took no 
 notice of the exertion she was making, but talked on, and she 
 evidently was unconscious of all I was saying, so absorbed was 
 she in the appalling fact, that her hand had grown so large as to 
 be rlo longer able to wear the gloves she once had worn. She 
 examined the number; there it was as plain as the hot iron could 
 stamp it, and by the same maker, for, as I have already said, we 
 had sent our gloves to a manufacturer from whom we were both 
 supplied, and these gloves then were too small. Finding her so 
 absorbed, I said, Dear Jane, perhaps they can be better tried on 
 after dinner; suppose you leave it till the evening. 
 
JANE S " COUSIN RICHARD." 297 
 
 "With a feeling of reluctance to relinquish the trial, she re 
 placed the gloves, and I recommenced speaking of Richard, say 
 ing, he had greatly improved in looks and manners. 
 
 " No doubt, she said,sneeringly, and interrupting me, Rich 
 ard, I suppose, like all our young traveled gentlemen, has done 
 his best to forget he is an American ; and to become as like as 
 possible to La Fontaine s traveled monkey. He wears a mous 
 tache, speaks of the divine Grisi, of Rachel, and doesn t forget 
 to give all these fine personages names their true accent. Now, 
 Mrs. Smith, you know I despise all such nonsense I did not ap 
 prove Richard s tour of Europe. It is next to impossible that he 
 should return as true and as good as when he went away. And 
 all his love of country, all his pride in our institutions, is doubtless 
 sunk in his love of the aristocracy, the vices and the sensuous 
 pleasures which debase, and degrade, and render worthless, all 
 our fine gentlemen who finish their education on the Continent. 
 Poor Dick ! I m sorry for him. 
 
 " I assured her all her fears were groundless ; that one more 
 devoted to his country, more proud of his birthright, did not live". 
 That he had been devoted to science, and had studied museums 
 rather than theatres, and had penetrated the mines of Europe, but 
 not its hells. That his cabinet of minerals was deemed, by the 
 best of judges, one of the most complete in the city, and though 
 he had spent a large sum of money, it was for books of the 
 highest value, and that he had it in contemplation to fit himself 
 for a chair of Natural History and Geology, and had made all his 
 collections to that end. And as for his personal appearance, he 
 had grown into a tall vigorous man, who could climb mountains, or 
 descend to the depths of mines, without the fear of losing either 
 life or limb ; in short, he was as unlike the fancy sketch she had 
 drawn, as a man could well be. 
 
 " She sighed, and said, I m very glad, and yet I really felt 
 she would have been relieved if it were as she had pictured him. 
 Such a man she could have found no difficulty in relinquishing 
 no pang of regret would have reached her heart, at hearing he 
 was married to another ; but matters wore a different aspect when 
 she thought of him as devoted to science, and designing to occupy 
 a professor s chair in some college ; this fell in with her views of 
 labor, which was necessary for happiness and usefulness. 
 
 * Having made a commencement, I repeated our conversations 
 respecting herself, his admiration for the sentiment which had in 
 duced her to take the step she had, and yet his entire aversion 
 for the theory which she hoped to see established, its practical 
 working in France, the character of Fourier, his entire want of 
 the holy love of man, which was attributed to him, and his sad 
 
298 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 end. I repeated to her his views of the condition of the several 
 classes of Europe, the manner in which the wrongs of labor were 
 felt, and how eagerly the poor man seized the remotest contingen 
 cies of improvement of his condition and the hopeless results of 
 all the experiments thus far tried; the impossibility of making 
 vicious men virtuous by mere association ; that the system, as a 
 theory, was based on self, and the most unlicensed gratification 
 of our sensual passions, which, in their very nature, were lawless 
 and corrupt. 
 
 " Oh yes ! she said, there comes his doctrine of depravity. 
 No, my dear madam, that man is depraved, is the necessary con 
 sequence of our present state of society ; we must change our 
 modes, and our characters change with them. How can it be the 
 hungry will not steal, and the rich and over fed, become proud? 
 Everything conspires to make the poor man poorer, and the rich 
 man richer. And ought we not to lend our little aid, to change 
 the conditions of our race. There must be a commencement, or 
 the end can never be attained. We must expect failures ; the 
 very training men and women have received, renders failures at 
 first all but inevitable; but some centuries hence, we shall see 
 Fourierism, like Christianity, pervading countries, and then the 
 dreams of poets and prophets will be realized. 
 
 " I must confess, I find in my heart a chord of sympathy vi 
 brating whenever I hear one speak with enthusiasm and hope 
 for a higher and happier condition of mankind ; and I had little 
 to say in reply to all this, though I strove to recover what I had 
 heard Richard say, and which, at the time, seemed to me very 
 convincing. One thing I remarked in Jane with satisfaction. It 
 was, that Richard had made this subject a matter of inquiry, and 
 that he had a feeling of respect for the sentiment which had sus 
 tained her in making so many sacrifices; and she said I would 
 dearly like to talk with Richard on this subject, if I thought I 
 could do so without the petulance and passion I once exhibited. 
 He is a man now, and I would be a woman though I fear while 
 he has been growing, I have been at a stand-still. I encouraged 
 this desire as best I could , and did not forget to say how much Rich 
 ard was admired by the Worths and the Schuylers, by Mr. De 
 Lisle and others, for whom I knew Jane felt the highest respect. 
 
 "While we were thus talking, the dinner-bell rang, and I went 
 down to dinner. The dining-room was a long, low apartment, 
 with beams projecting from the ceiling, furnished with two tables, 
 which run the whole length of the room. The cloth was coarse 
 but white, and the knives and forks were bright, as I had reason 
 to know, seeing them, one by one, polished by my dear Jane. 
 
DINNER AT ROCK CREEK FARM. 299 
 
 The meats were well cooked, but the abundance of turnips, cab 
 bage, and boiled dishes, were, to me, excessively nauseous. 
 
 "Our second course consisted of Indian puddings, eaten with 
 molasses. The lumps of suet would have tasked the stomach of 
 an ostrich. The table was waited on by about one-third of the 
 members of the Community, and so soon as one was done, the 
 place vacated was taken by the attendant, who was waited on by 
 ihose who rose. There was a good deal of loud talking and 
 laughing, and the subject of their mirth arose from incidents aris 
 ing among themselves, of which I had no knowledge, and I doubt 
 if they would have been as mirthful to me as to themselves, had 
 I been better advised. At dinner, it was announced, that, in honor 
 of my visit, a ball would be given in the hull, in the evening a 
 compliment I acknowledged by bowing very politely to the pre 
 siding gentleman, who had once been a Liberal Divine, and who 
 had sunk the last vestige of the minister in the Fourierist. 
 
 " After dinner, Jane put on her apron, and re-polished her knives 
 and forks, which occupied her two hours. We then went into 
 the parlor, where she showed me she had lost none of her facility 
 and brilliancy of execution on the piano, which I was delighted 
 to witness. 
 
 " We went back to her chamber, and she at once addressed her 
 self to the hopeless task of putting on a pair of gloves. They 
 could, by no amount of stretching, be made to fit, and she threw 
 the gloves on the bed, and burst into tears. I let her tears have 
 their course, and made no remark about the increased size of her 
 hands ; but again spoke of her home, the pleasure her father and 
 mother would take in a visit from her, the opportunity it would 
 give her of seeing her circle of friends ; the operas to be brought 
 out and, lastly, that she must come on, to be at my first party. 
 
 " She listened with a melancholy smile, and when I spoke of 
 my first party, she put her arms around me, and said, l Dear Mrs. 
 Smith, do you want to make a show of me, to add to the novelties 
 of your party? How odd it would be! and how many jeers I 
 should have to meet ! but, she said, looking proudly, I should care 
 very little for all such people ; but if I should go, I must lose my 
 place here, and then what would become of me? 
 
 " * My dear Jane, if there be no other home for you in the world, 
 you shall come and be my dear sister I am in want of one, and 
 where could I find such another as you ? 
 
 " This again drew the tears to her eyes, and she laid her head 
 on my shoulder, and sat in silence for a while, and was about to 
 speak, when the supper bell rang. I would gladly have excused 
 myself; but she insisted 1 had eaten nothing at dinner ; I must take 
 a cup of tea ; that? she said with emphasis, is drinkable even 
 
300 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 here. I found myself seated at the same table, and our supper 
 consisted of several varieties of coarse bread, eaten with butter or 
 molasses, as might be preferred. The same order of attendants 
 was observed. There was no lack of hospitality, good nature and 
 conversation. The gentleman who had been so usefully employ 
 ed in the morning, with his short jacket, waited upon me with the 
 greatest assiduity, talking of all imaginable things connected with 
 Babylon, with such a fluency and intimate knowledge of what was 
 going on, that I was assured he had many secret longings to get 
 back to his old haunts and its pleasures. So soon as we rose from 
 supper, all commenced clearing away tables, to get ready for the 
 dance. 
 
 " I had the pleasure of dancing with the Babylonian in boots 
 and short jacket then with a man in shoes an inch thick, not the 
 cleanest in the world, as he had just come out of the field, where 
 he told me he had been all day ploughing; and so the evening 
 passed away, and I was well wearied with all I had seen and 
 done, when I laid down to sleep on my corn-shuck mattress. 
 
 " The next day I invited Jane to spend the day with me at my 
 Hotel, and she consented. She feared her dresses were not per 
 fectly what would be agreeable to me, and I met this by insisting 
 on her wearing one of mine. Our figures are so near alike that 
 my dresses fitted her admirably. I took care to select the prettiest, 
 and of a new style, which I had just received from my milliner 
 in Paris. She was herself pleased with the beautiful effect of 
 her costume; it was finished and perfect, all to the gloves. I told 
 her she could wear, perhaps, those I had worn, and she tried 
 them on and found them to fit, and so putting on the bonnet 
 she had worn to the farm a year before, (but as it was only to 
 ride in, it was all very well,) we sat out for the city. 
 
 " My husband was delighted to see her, and brought in two of 
 our mutual friends, who happened to be in town; we spent the 
 morning with them, and at four, dined together in my parlor. It 
 was a charming day, and at seven, I took my seat beside her to re 
 turn with her to the Community, accompanied by my husband. 
 
 " This was the moment I deemed best to make my appeal. 
 I depicted the joy of her parents at her return, the desolation of 
 their home, their readiness to respect her opinions; the love and 
 longing of Richard, and the pleasure with which all whom she 
 loved would welcome her. My dear husband was not wanting in 
 tact or sympathy. His heart was touched, and he became deeply 
 enlisted in my success. Jane wept with excess of agony of 
 feeling ; but love got the better of pride and theory, and she pro 
 mised to return with me. At this moment rny husband ordered 
 the driver to turn and carry us back to the hotel. 
 
301 
 
 "We had gone more than half the distance. Jane remon 
 strated ; but my husband said very quietly and firmly, My dear 
 Jane, a letter will do better than your presence. It will cost you 
 less, and will accomplish all you desire. In this, my dear young 
 friend, let me advise and act for you. 
 
 " Jane sat quiet and absorbed in thought, and so soon as we 
 had reached the hotel, returned to the chamber next my own, and 
 asked for writing paper and pens, which I gave her, and kissing 
 her, I bade her * good night. 
 
 " At six, the letter was sent, her trunk arrived at eight, while we 
 were at breakfast, and at nine we were on our way to Babylon. The 
 returning prodigal never was more fondly welcomed. Not the 
 slightest allusion escaped the father and mother as to her long 
 absence and estrangement of feeling, and Richard came with the 
 earnestness of one just returned from a tour, so that every possi 
 ble degree of kindness and refinement of delicacy was exhibited, 
 to save her the feeling that she was an absentee from the home 
 circle. Her room was in the precise state in which she had left 
 it. Not a book was changed ; the embroidery frame and its 
 worsteds were in the very box in which she had left them on the 
 morning of her departure. 
 
 "All this kindness was appreciated, and acknowledged by 
 Jane, in a way worthy of herself. She avoided all discussions of 
 topics which must be painful to her mother; she took her accus 
 tomed seat at church, and gave a degree of attention to the ritual, 
 which was unusual to her. With no one did she speak of her 
 pursuits ; she treated her absence as one of pleasure, and the few 
 triflers who dared to jeer, were made to feel the intense powers 
 of her wit with a severity which awed them to silence. To 
 Richard alone she spoke of her theory of society, her hopes for 
 the world s recovery and redemption. He listened with the air 
 of one deeply interested, and as wishing, if possible, to find out 
 the bright points of this system. They frequently came to see me, 
 and Richard deemed it, as he told me, safest for Jane and himself, 
 to speak on this subject only when in my presence. She was apt 
 to become excited, and when argument failed, to try her skill at 
 sophisms, which led to raillery and wit, and then satire came to 
 close up the scene, leaving much on his mind to deplore, and 
 much in her heart to sorrow over. 
 
 " I have admired his admirable tact and self-control. He has 
 never seemed desirous of pursuing his argument toils obvious re 
 sults, but has left it for Jane to do so. All her charges on the crimes 
 of society he has admitted, but sought to show her the hopeless 
 ness that a mere change of organization can work the changes 
 on moral beings, as if they were so many automata; but though I 
 
302 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 have heard much about this subject, to show you how great has 
 been his forbearance, I never heard before, that the children 
 were the destined scavengers of a phalanx. What could Jane 
 have answered ?" 
 
 " Indeed," replied the Gentleman in Black, " it is hard to say. 
 Certainly nothing can be more revolting ; nor can any woman, 
 worthy of the name of mother, conceive of giving up her infants 
 to the care of the nurses of the Phalanx. Women may become 
 monsters infanticide is no new crime to the world, and is ex 
 tensively practiced, as we know, in China and elsewhere. But 
 Fouriensm is essentially sensual, and the vanity of women is 
 addressed, by telling her * she is to be no longer dependent on 
 man ; and too, that the dependency of woman is unfavorable to 
 the full development of love that this beautiful passion can 
 only exist where there is liberty^; liberty of the soul and the body. 
 Now there are women, to whom this is a sweet poison ; such 
 have little maternal tenderness; they would gladly give up their 
 children to crocodiles, and as far as they dare, they do give them 
 up to hired nurses. Such women can well receive the teachings 
 of Mr. Brisbane, that, 4 in spite of all that is preached of the sacred 
 duties of nature, there is not a married couple, who are not, more 
 or less, tired of the cares which infants require; of the services 
 which their weakness demands. * To such women, children are 
 but as pigs, who may wallow in the dirt, if they please, so they 
 interfere not with their pleasures and pursuits. And a system 
 like that of Fourierism or Swedenborgianism, which gives the 
 sanction of science, or revelation, falsely so called, to an unbridled 
 licentiousness, has powerful attractions for such women, as well 
 as men ; but it is an attraction they do not so readily avow, and it 
 is to be hoped, in most cases, women full of generous enthusiasm, 
 as in the case of your young friend, are all unconscious of the 
 last tendencies of the system they advocate. It is to be hoped so, 
 and, indeed, it is every way probable it is .so ; but where you find 
 a woman adopting, with a full consciousness, all the doctrines of 
 Fourierism, you find one restless of the restraints of religion, as 
 well as of society,! whose virtues, if she has any, are the result 
 
 * Brisbane says, "Association will employ the passions as God created 
 them, without changing their nature the taste for dirt is a necessary im 
 pulse to enlist children in the corporation of little hordes to induce them to un 
 dergo the daily disgust connected with dirty work," &c. 
 
 " The inclination for dirt which we find predominant in children, is but a 
 rude germ," &c. 
 
 f Fourier says, "Our ideas of the honor or virtue of women, are but preju 
 dices, which vary with our legislation." 
 
THE GENTLEMAN S OPINION OF FOURIERISM. 303 
 
 of accident rather than of principle.* I pray you pardon me for 
 interrupting you. How stand matters between these lovers?" 
 
 "I m sure I have rather to thank you for your interruption. 
 Your views agree entirely with those I have myself entertained. 
 
 "To finish my story," continued Mrs. Smith, "my young 
 friends love each other devotedly; but both have the same idea of 
 the necessity of similarity of tastes and opinions as necessary to 
 happiness in married life, and are both miserable in consequence 
 of these differences of opinion. Richard is orthodox, and of a 
 religious temperament, and Jane has, I think, the same tendencies 
 toward piety, but her present latitudinarianism is a great gulf 
 which keeps them apart. They will marry one of these days, and 
 be very happy, because they mutually respect as well as love 
 each other. 
 
 " I tell them they might as well be miserable, because their 
 pulses do not beat alike that unisons do not make such sweet 
 music as chords, and that it is the sharps and flats in matrimony, 
 as well as in music, which produce the most beautiful contrasts, 
 and resolve themselves into the sweetest harmonies." 
 
 "Indeed, madam," said the Gentleman in Black, with a graceful 
 bow, and an amused smile, "you are very ingenious, and I am 
 happy to say, the figure is not only felicitous, but what is better, 
 is true in fact." 
 
 * See Appendix G. for articles on Fourierism. 
 
 
304 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 Mrs. Smith s swoon and illness The Gentleman in Black, having shown Mrs. 
 Smith in the mirror a scene of a party, illuminated by undying lamps, 
 offers to supply her Mrs. Smith thinks to over-reach the Gentleman in 
 Black Alarmed by seeing the shadow of Peter shaking his fist at the Gen 
 tleman in Black Pursuit of Peter, who speaks to Mrs. Smith- Steals the 
 spectacles of the Gentleman in Black The Gentleman in Black returns, 
 and Peter escapes Mrs. Smith consents to sign the bond of the Gentleman 
 in Black, who wishes a drop of her blood to seal the bond Mrs. Smith 
 swoons Is found in convulsions Doctors sent for A HCOKEOPATHIST ar 
 rives; his treatment Surprise of Mr. Smith ALLOPATHISTS arrive Their 
 consultation Grief of Mr. Smith Doctor "A No. 1 s" colloquy with Mr. 
 Smith on the diagnosis of the disease Mrs. Tripp s visit to Mrs. Van Dam 
 Scene there Treatment of Doctor Herpin Scene between Mr. and Mrs. 
 Smith on the restoration of her reason German customs introduced into her 
 sick chamber ; their influence Of Grace Worth and Mr. De Lisle Mrs. 
 Smith and Doctor Herpin discourse on dreams Psychology of dreaming 
 Mrs. Smith s first visit to her saloon Of pictures Influence of Romanism 
 on the Fine Arts. 
 
 In the plan of this work, as designed by Peter Schlemihl, there comes be 
 fore this chapter several scenes in the Mirror which have never been com 
 pleted. To have done so, would, it was thought, make the work too episodical, 
 and so they have been left in outline. It is not necessary to state what these 
 were to the completion of the story, of which they are indeed entirely sepa 
 rate. 
 
 THE Gentleman in Black, now addressing Mrs. Smith, with a 
 smile said " I will show you one more scene which I am sure 
 will prove as attractive to you as any one I have had the pleasure 
 to present to you this evening." 
 
 "Ah! that will be a hard task," said Mrs. Smith, "after all I 
 have seen." 
 
 " The Gentleman in Black again breathed on the Mirror, and 
 a scene was presented, showing a suite of rooms in all respects 
 furnished like her own. but lighted from lamps with the utmost 
 splendor. There were no shadows to be seen the rooms were 
 bathed in light, and the guests, who were numerous, seemed in 
 the midst of the festivities of an evening party. The dresses of 
 
305 
 
 the ladies were of dazzling richness and beauty the furniture, 
 drapery and mirrors were shining with resplendent lustre ; and it 
 seemed as if the party, so bright and joyous, had all disposed of 
 their shadows to this amiable and excellent gentleman, and, un 
 like the unhappy Schlemihl, were weJl pleased to be rid of such 
 undesirable and unnecessary appendages. 
 
 "Oh!" cried Mrs. Smith, clapping her hands, "these are the 
 lamps; but do they never burn dim?" 
 
 "Never ! madam, but rather with increasing intensity." 
 
 "My dear sir, and what shall I give you for as many as I need ? 
 I do not stipulate as to price name it, and it is yours." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black looked as if in some dubiety, and 
 then drawing from his pocket a paper of some sort, said he would 
 do so, if she would make a cross at the bottom of it. 
 
 Mrs. Smith examined the paper; it was covered with characters ; 
 but whether they read from left to right, or right to left, or up and 
 down, she could not divine. She then examined the material on 
 which these characters were drawn, but it was neither parchment 
 nor paper; she looked up, and saw the Gentleman in Black in 
 tently gazing upon her, and handed it to him. 
 
 " This is altogether incomprehensible to me," said Mrs. Smith ; 
 " what does it stipulate for ? Ah ! you want me to part with my 
 shadow ?" 
 
 "Dear Mrs. Smith," replied the Gentleman in Black, " how 
 can you think so ? The paper stipulates for what is of the least 
 importance to you, and that concerning which most of the ladies 
 in Babylon, at least, never deem worth a moment s reflection. 
 They part with it for what is far less valuable to them than these 
 lamps are to you." 
 
 The Gentleman in Black again presented the paper to Mrs. 
 Smith. She felt the paper, and asked, " Of what is it composed ?" 
 
 " It is made of asbestos which I am in the habit of using," 
 replied the Gentleman in Black. " I find it suits my purposes 
 better than any other material. Permit me to show you these 
 characters in a work recently published in Germany, by a very 
 pious physician." So saying, the Gentleman in Black took from 
 his pocket a copy of the " Seeress of Prevorst,"* and opening to 
 the plate, Mrs. Smith discovered that there was, to be sure, a 
 strict resemblance between the two. Mrs. Smith paused. It was 
 but to look into the mirror and fill her eyes to satiety with the 
 light of those beautiful lamps, and to form plans for the surprise 
 of her husband and the delight of her friends. 
 
 " What can he want in exchange ?" thought Mrs. Smith. She 
 
 * Sweclenborg gives the precise description of these mystic characters, as 
 being those used in writing in the spirit world. 
 
 20 
 
806 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 looked up, and the Gentleman in Black was looking at the beauti 
 ful cluster of curls which hung down her neck. Her hair had 
 been dressed a la Grecque, and this cluster of curls was false, but 
 exactly suited the shade of her hair. " He wants a lock of my 
 hair, and I will cut one of these curls; it will be just as much 
 mine to him as if I took it from my own temples." 
 
 Mrs. Smith now expressed her readiness to sign, and asked 
 him "If he had a pen about him ?" 
 
 The Gentleman in Black was evidently perplexed, for, though 
 his pocket seemed so wonderfully capacious, it contained no 
 such articles as quills. While the Gentleman in Black was mus 
 ing, Mrs. Smith happening to look round, saw, to her amazement, 
 the shadow of Peter, which had been pinned to the drapery of 
 the window, shaking his fist at the Gentleman in Black. Her 
 exclamation aroused the attention of the Gentleman in Black, who 
 saw the arm as it was falling to the side of the shadow. In an 
 instant he sprang to the curtain, and ran with the agility of a 
 tiger, and with eyes of equal fierceness, around the room, with his 
 hands wide spread, as though playing at blind-man s-buff with 
 his eyes open. After chasing round the room he darted into the 
 saloon, then into the library and out again, and then ran down 
 the stairs. Mrs. Smith stood riveted to the spot in speechless 
 astonishment, when she felt the arm of some one encircling her 
 waist; before she could speak, she heard a voice close to her ear, 
 saying, " Dear Mrs. Smith, I am poor Peter Schlemihl for God s 
 sake, don t sell your shadow." 
 
 " I will not, Peter, I will not !" 
 
 " The Gentleman in Black," continued the voice, " mesmerised 
 your wine, madam, and twas I upset the glass. It was my only 
 hope of saving you. Ah! there are his spectacles ; those I need, 
 and those I will have," seizing them as they lay on the sofa. " Now, 
 pray go with me to the door of the saloon ; I will stand behind 
 you, and as the Gentleman in Black enters, I will slip out." So 
 saying, the invisible Peter drew her to the door. Mrs. Smith heard 
 the Gentleman in Black racing about the entry, and Peter, strange 
 to say it, (pursued as he was by the Gentleman in Black,) kissed 
 her cheek. She was about to reprove him, when the Gentleman 
 in Black came leaping up the stairs, and entered the room. The 
 moment he did so, Peter pressed Mrs. Smith s hand, and let it go. 
 
 The Gentleman in Black, to the surprise of Mrs. Smith, seemed 
 no way out of breath by his violent exercise, but his rage was un 
 abated. Going up to the shadow of Peter, he tore it down, and 
 shaking it as if it had been a silk apron, he glared round the 
 room, and shook his fist at the invisible Peter. " You villain! re 
 member, you are not yet out of the Wood." So saying, he rolled 
 up the shadow, and thrust it into his pocket. 
 
MRS. SMITH SWOONS. 807 
 
 Seating himself on the sofa, he apologized to Mrs. Smith for 
 the abruptness of his manners. He said, "After all he had suf 
 fered from the miserable scoundrel who had just escaped him, he 
 hoped she would pardon him for any want of courtesy." 
 
 " You want these lamps," continued the Gentleman in Black, 
 pointing to them in the mirror, " and I want the pledge of your 
 kind remembrance of this interview. You asked me, at the in 
 stant of our being interrupted by this fellow, for a pen. I regret 
 to say, that I find it impossible to carry one in my pocket, which 
 is fit for use; they are so apt to split at the point ! Perhaps you 
 may have one in the library, and will be pleased to bring it?" 
 
 " Certainly," said Mrs. Smith. 
 
 Now, as Mrs. Smith went for the pen, she endeavored, from all 
 she had seen, to form some idea who this Gentleman in Black 
 could be. He certainly seemed a very good man, though he hated 
 poor Peter, and then all his conversations wore a very religious 
 aspect, and would it be safe to sign the paper ? She found herself 
 in a most strange and perplexed condition of mind. She was ut 
 terly unable to decide what she ought to do, or would do. 
 
 In this state of mind, she brought the pen, and as she presented 
 it to the Gentleman in Black, for his inspection, recollecting her 
 self, she cried " Oh! I have forgot the inkstand," and turned to 
 go for it. 
 
 "No matter, dear Mrs. Smith," said the Gentleman in Black, 
 " for the inkstand. It is usual to sign these papers in red ink. 
 Now, then, permit me to draw but one drop of the rich blood 
 which gives so beautiful a color to your skin." 
 
 Mrs. Smith was about to express her dissent to so strange a pro 
 posal, when the Gentleman in Black produced a lancet, and with 
 an air so purely professional, that Mrs. Smith knew not what to 
 do or to say, and holding her breath with surprise, the Gentleman 
 in Black compressed her arm by his left hand, and was in the act 
 of plunging the lancet into her arm, when she shrieked, and 
 swooned, and fell upon the floor. 
 
 The scream was heard by Maria, Mrs. Smith s dressing-maid, 
 and she ran in, and seeing her mistress on the floor, uttered cries 
 so loud, that it aroused Mr. Smith from his sound sleep, and brought 
 the whole retinue of servants into the saloon. When Mr. Smith 
 entered, in his dressing-gown, he was frightened at seeing his 
 wife lying on a sofa, her eyes protruding and wild, her face flush 
 ed, and in the paroxysms of a general convulsion; the muscles 
 of her face twitching, her breathing quick and irregular, and her 
 tongue in violent motion, pushing out her cheek. Alarmed, he 
 ordered a dozen servants to go for doctors, anybody and anywhere, 
 and off they ran in various directions. 
 
308 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 At his wit s end, Mr. Smith ordered the servants to carry Mrs. 
 Smith to her chamber, where she was undressed by the women, 
 while he flew about, frantic for the arrival of the physicians. 
 
 The first who reached the house, was a distinguished disciple 
 of Hahnemann, who, when he saw the patient, frankly stated to 
 Mr. Smith, that the case was one of extreme danger, and needed 
 the most powerful and prompt remedies. 
 
 Mr. Smith begged him to do something anything, and at once, 
 without waiting for the arrival of any other doctor. 
 
 He expected to see the physician mix up a dose of calomel 
 and jalap, or to write a prescription combining a dozen medicines 
 at least ; but what was his astonishment to see him take from his 
 pocket, a little case, about the size of a small, thin volume, out of 
 which he took a vial no longer than a pin, and calling for a glass 
 of water, poured into it a drop from the diminutive bottle, of which 
 mixture he gave a dessert-spoonful to poor Mrs. Smith ! 
 
 "And is that all?" exclaimed Mr. Smith. 
 
 " That, my dear friend," said the Homoeopathist, " is the most 
 potent and efficient of all our pharmacopoeia." 
 
 "Is it possible! and pray what is it?" 
 
 "It is one drop of aconite of the third potency. I shall give 
 her a second spoonful in four hours hence." 
 
 "Great God!" exclaimed the distracted husband, "this can 
 never help my wife in such horrible convulsions." 
 
 The physician assured him, " if medicine could save Mrs. 
 Smith, his theory and practice would do it." But poor Mr. 
 Smith wanted something to be done. He was for action, action, 
 action to him this seemed just nothing at all. And there his 
 dear wife lay in agonies before him. He was full of unspeakable 
 terror at the idea of losing her. 
 
 " What has caused this dreadful attack?" asked Mr. Smith. 
 
 The Homoeopathist said, "it was doubtless the result of intense 
 anxiety and violent emotions, consequent on the efforts she had 
 made during the party she had given." 
 
 Poor Mr. Smith was wretched, indeed, as he heard this. " I 
 have myself killed her by my unkindness," he cried. 
 
 The Homoeopathist stared at Mr. Smith, who was all uncon 
 scious of what he had said. 
 
 A physician of the regular Allopathic school now reached the 
 house, and he was followed by others almost at the same time; 
 so plenty is professional aid in Babylon the Less, when the sum 
 mons cornes from the palaces of the wealthy. 
 
 The Allopathist, as he entered the room, looked with an air 
 of surprise at the disciple of Hahnemann, and then at Mr. Smith, 
 and asked Mr. Smith " if he wished him to take charge of the 
 
CONSULTATION OF DOCTORS. 309 
 
 case." Mr. Smith was bewildered, but thinking that there was 
 safety in a multitude of counsellors, said "he did," whereupon the 
 Homoeopathist bowed, and took his leave. 
 
 There was quite a diversity of opinions at the bed-side of Mrs. 
 Smith as to the course of treatment, and the exact phase of the 
 attack. The doctor who assumed to be "A No. 1," expressed his 
 belief it was a case of cerebritis. Dr. Herpin said it seemed to 
 him to be rather meningitis ; Dr. Frank called it encephalitis; Dr. 
 Vogel, phrenitis; Dr. Linneas, cephalitis, and Dr. Martinet said 
 he deemed it arachnitis, or more properly arachnoiditis. 
 
 " What do they say is the matter with my mistress ?" whis 
 pered Maria to Mr. Smith. 
 
 "God knows, Maria !" Mr. Smith replied, " for I don t under 
 stand a word they say." 
 
 Doctor "A No. 1" proposed opening a large orifice, and bleeding 
 Mrs. Smith forty ounces of blood. Dr. Frank proposed placing 
 pounded ice on the head. Dr. Vogel said it would be absolutely 
 necessary to shave her head, before applying the ice. Dr. Her 
 pin said he had seen the happiest results from topical bleeding, 
 and proposed cups and leeches. Dr. Vogel also advised blisters 
 to be applied to the back and shoulders ; and a drop of Croton 
 oil to be at once administered. 
 
 Mr. Smith listened to all these discussions in a tremor of anx 
 iety. He could not conceive how it could be, that his wife could 
 be saved by being bled to death ; and as to having her beautiful 
 hair cut off, he was dismayed at the thought, and Maria whispered 
 to him, with the utmost earnestness, "to cut off her hair would 
 kill her mistress outright so soon as she came to her senses." 
 
 Mr. Smith asked, "if his wishes could be consulted in this 
 matter ?" 
 
 The doctors looked a little puzzled, but Dr. "A No. 1" said, in 
 reply, " Certainly, Mr. Smith, if your wishes accord with our 
 rules of practice." 
 
 " Then," said Mr. Smith, "I beg the suggestions of Dr. Herpin 
 may be adopted, and pray you to save my wife s hair if it be pos 
 sible." 
 
 The doctors adopted this course. Cups and blisters were ap 
 plied to the head and neck, and a drop of Croton oil administered; 
 and there was, either from the spoonful of aconite, or the bleeding, 
 happily an immediate subsidence of the paroxysms. 
 
 Mrs. Smith talked incessantly about the Gentleman in Black 
 and Peter Schlemihl, and then of " lamps which never burned 
 dim," and these words struck her husband to the heart, for he 
 remembered too well his last words, and he had good reason to 
 believe, this was the last point of endurance which had broken. 
 
310 
 
 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 down the mind of his lovely wife, and had induced this fearful 
 malady. 
 
 Doctor " A No. 1" took Mr. Smith into the adjoining room, and 
 having seated himself, asked Mr. Smith to take the chair next him. 
 
 " I beg you will be calm, sir," said " A No. 1 ;" " for it is neces 
 sary that I should inquire as to the predisposing causes which 
 have occasioned this dreadful disease." 
 
 "What is it, sir what do you say it is?" inquired Mr. Smith 
 in deep dismay. 
 
 "Sir," said the doctor, "it is extremely difficult to decide at 
 this moment whether it be meningitis or cerebritis, or arachnitis. 
 From the diagnosis as now presented, it is impossible to deter 
 mine, the one generally giving rise to, or terminating in, the 
 other ; but a slight rigidity on one side of her body seems to in 
 dicate it as cerebritis" 
 
 " What do I know of all these phrases ?" said Mr. Smith an 
 grily. " I want to know what is the matter with my wife ; and, 
 if you can t tell me, I will ask those who can." 
 
 " Sir," said the doctor, angrily in return, " when I am spoken 
 to professionally, I give a professional reply. If you want a 
 quack, you had better recall the man I found here on my en- 
 terance." 
 
 " What is it you want to know of me ?" said Mr. Smith, out of 
 patience, and yet dreading to have his wife deserted, on a point of 
 mere professional pride. 
 
 " I desire, sir," said " A No. 1," " to be told if you have ob 
 served any of the predisposing symptoms which led to this at 
 tack." 
 
 " Such as what?" asked Mr. Smith. 
 
 " Has Mrs. Smith complained of a throbbing in her head ?" 
 
 " Yes .her d d party has made her miserable for a week past, 
 and she has complained to me of giddiness at times, and a sense 
 of fullness and weight, all owing to the anxiety she has felt for 
 what, after all, has been a complete failure, and now, may be the 
 death of her. Alas ! my poor wife." 
 
 "And have you observed, at any time previous to her attack, 
 any impatience on the score of light?" 
 
 " Not for the excess of light," said Mr. Smith, " but for the 
 want of it. Our lamps all but went out before the supper was 
 half over." 
 
 " Then you think," said the doctor, " there was no excess of 
 irritability of the optic nerve observable? I m glad to hear you 
 say so." 
 
 " My dear doctor," said Mr. Smith, in the utmost confusion of 
 mind, " I really don t know " 
 
MR. SMITH INTERROGATED. 311 
 
 "And her speech, has that been indistinct and difficult of arti 
 culation, or has she been excitable and hurried, unusually quick?" 
 
 " I think," replied Mr. Smith, "she has been nervous of late, 
 and spoke hurriedly. She certainly did so just before I left her; 
 but God forgive me ! I believe I was the cause of it all." 
 
 " And her pulse have you observed whether that was slow, 
 or has it been unusually quick?" 
 
 " Heaven help me.!" exclaimed poor Mr. Smith, who never 
 would have been put down in the primer as the most patient of 
 men, " I never felt her pulse in my life." 
 
 The doctor, perfectly regardless of his patient s nerves, with 
 true professional scent, followed the track upon which he had 
 entered, and continued his inquiries, and asked, " if Mrs. Smith 
 had ever exhibited any transient fits of incoherence or confusion 
 of mind." 
 
 "Never, in her life," replied her poor husband ; " her mind is 
 clear as light, and she has never been sick a day, since our mar 
 riage. Alas ! I have been too regardless of her, and supposed she 
 never could be ill." 
 
 " You will pardon me, sir," said " A No. 1," " for the minute 
 ness of these inquiries, but it is important in this disease, not 
 merely to ascertain the particular symptom, but rather, to de 
 termine whether there is a correspondence or harmony between 
 the symptoms." 
 
 " And what do you think is the matter with my wife ?" again 
 asked Mr. Smith, in hope of getting some light on this all absorb 
 ing question. 
 
 "It seems to me," said "A No. 1," " though I am compelled to 
 speak from the diagnosis as now presented, it is a case of general 
 cerebritis. The brain, as you know, sir, confessedly presides over 
 the phenomena, which are attended with consciousness, and through 
 the pneumo gastric nerve it influences the functions of digestion, 
 and indirectly, through the respiratory apparatus, that of circula 
 tion. Now, when either the arachnoid or pia mater, which closely 
 invest the brain, is extensively inflamed, the functions of this 
 organ become inevitably disturbed. Hence, in arachnitis or me 
 ningitis, besides headache and intense fever, we have a general 
 sensibility, preternatural excitement of the external senses, violent 
 delirium and convulsions, as you observe in the case of your 
 wife, and which usually terminate in collapse, coma and death." 
 
 "You are one of Job s comforters," said poor Mr. Smith. 
 
 "I am, sir," said "A No. 1," with emphasis, "a physician, and 
 as a professional man, bound to state the facts as I find them." 
 So saying, he left Mr. Smith, and returned to the sick chamber. 
 
 Mrs. Smith s disease went through the usual phases. There 
 
312 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 was the fearful recess of fever, when all the powers of the consti 
 tution seemed verging to the state of collapse. For a whole week 
 some one of her physicians was constantly at hand. All that 
 skill and care could do was done. Mr. Smith never left the 
 house ; his mind was wrought up to the highest pitch of fear and 
 agony. He now felt the unspeakable worth of his wife the 
 worthlessness of all his wealth without her, should she be taken 
 from him. 
 
 Every precaution was taken to keep her perfectly quiet, and 
 free from every degree of excitement, and her physicians told Mr. 
 Smith that the most trifling cause, any slight mental emotion, 
 would bring on a relapse. 
 
 The tidings of Mrs. Smith s illness were of course carried with 
 telegraphic speed through all the cliques and circles of Babylon 
 the Less. Scarcely a set but was advised of all the particulars of 
 her disease before the next evening. 
 
 "It s just what might be expected," said Mrs. Van Dam to 
 Mrs. Tripp, who had called to talk over the party. "She has 
 gone out of her depth, and this is the consequence. Her little 
 head was doubtless turned by seeing so many people in her par 
 lors, whom she has before only seen at church or the opera; 
 and whose circles have been as far beyond her reach, as the 
 stars over her head. If it had not been for Mrs. Worth, I never 
 would have gone." 
 
 " My dear Mrs. Van Dam," replied Mrs. Tripp, " did you ever 
 see such an attempt at fine manners ? And the way she wheedled 
 De Lisle to stand by her and hold her up last evening ! He looked 
 for awhile really taken with her, and had she ever seen society 
 before, I would have sworn she was coquetting with him. The 
 man appeared perfectly beside himself, and seemed to forget every 
 body in the room but the hostess and that fair sham-faced girl of 
 the Worths, who wore the spermaceti on her shoulders as naturally 
 as she would have worn pearl-powder." 
 
 "Did you hear Mrs. Offenheim sing last night?" continued 
 Mrs. Tripp. 
 
 " No ! I was playing whist in the library," replied Mrs. Van Dam. 
 
 " I m sorry you missed it. She s a real screech-owl. Poor 
 dear Adela, she was compelled to stand by her and play the 
 amiable; but it was almost too much for her nerves: she didn t 
 sleep a wink last night." 
 
 "I hear," said Mrs. Van Dam, looking very inquiringly at 
 Mrs. Tripp, " that Adela was attended home last night by Mr. 
 Winterbottom. Was it so?" Mrs. Tripp smiled very innocently, 
 and said: " Why, you see Mr. Winterbottom didn t know these 
 Smiths, and was taken by surprise at receiving an invitation, and 
 
MRS. TRIP? AND MRS. VAN DAM. 313 
 
 was for a day or two doubtful if he would accept. I told him by 
 all means he must go; but he said he should feel so awkward, 
 never having seen the hostess, and being entirely ignorant of her 
 * se f Oh ! I told him, she had no set, and I would take him 
 under my wing, and so it was agreed. He had the politeness to 
 call with his carriage, long before I was ready, but happily Adela 
 was dressed, and we managed to help him through the difficulties 
 of an evening party, for you know he affects to dislike all these 
 sort of things; but, after all, my dear Mrs. Van Dam, these sort of 
 men, when you once break the ice for them, take to the water with 
 all the eagerness of Newfoundland dogs. Mr. Winterbottom came 
 away delighted with everybody and everything." 
 
 " He must have been more fortunate than most of us," said 
 Mrs. Van Dam, with a slight asperity of manner. " As for myself, 
 my dress is positively ruined. I am a hundred dollars out of 
 pocket by this ambitious lady s first party. I certainly shan t buy 
 another yard of silk in his fine shop to the end of time. He don t 
 make money out of me by his splendid parties, I can tell him." 
 
 Mrs. Tripp gave one of her sharp, bright laughs, and took her 
 leave. And though the comments made in other parlors may 
 have had some variations, there were only the few, as the Worths, 
 the Schuylers, and the like, who did not ring the same changes 
 chiming harmoniously on the folly of Mrs. Smith her ambition 
 and its just and necessary fall. 
 
 Among the exceptions, were Mr. Winterbottom, Mr. De Lisle 
 and other gentlemen, whose admiration had been called forth by 
 the admirable bearing and grace of manners of their newly dis 
 covered hostess. Winterbottom and De Lisle called together 
 during the day to make personal inquiries, and went from Mr. 
 Smith s to Colonel Worth s to tell the latest intelligence. It was 
 Mr. De Lisle s first visit to the Worth family. Mrs. Worth and 
 Grace expressed their sorrow and sincere sympathy; they spoke 
 of the admirable self-possession shown by Mrs. Smith; the diffi 
 culties of her position; the fine sense she discovered in repairing 
 the mishaps of the evening, and their warm hopes that she would, 
 recover. 
 
 " We will call, Grace," said Mrs. Worth, " to morrow, and see 
 Mr. Smith. It will be to him a source of comfort to know his 
 guests sympathize with him in his deep anxieties." 
 
 " 1 admire Mrs. Smith," said Grace to Mr. De Lisle, "more 
 than any one I have ever met. My prepossessions are all in her 
 favor, and now I am still more and more anxious for her recovery, 
 that I may have all my predilections confirmed." 
 
 Mr. De Lisle called daily as he returned up town, and Mr. 
 Winterbottom s carriage was frequently seen standing at the door 
 
314 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 of Mr. Smith s ; for he was a man of a very kind heart, and took a 
 deep interest in Mrs. Smith s recovery : and the Tripps, finding 
 Mr. Winterbottom interested in the condition of Mrs. Smith, did 
 not fail to wear the aspect of the tenderest concern. Indeed, 
 Adela and her mother called daily, and with singular good fortune 
 they often met Mr. Winterbottom there. 
 
 Poor Mrs. Smith s delirium continued. She incessantly talked 
 of the Gentleman in Black, and the nurse, who was acquainted 
 with Mrs. Tripp, told her of the strange things she heard, and 
 Mrs. Tripp put herself under the greatest possible restraint not to 
 go to her clique of the Virtuous Indignation Society, and tell all 
 this rare news. But the fear of offending Mr. Winterbottom, 
 whose good opinion it was now her business to win for herself and 
 Adela, compelled her to wear the aspect of the utmost amability 
 and sympathy, and to remain silent. 
 
 Still, however, to her dear friend Mrs. Van Dam, she whispered 
 it as a great secret : " That Mrs. Smith had seen the devil in 
 propria persona, and that he had attempted to buy her soul for 
 a supply of his own lamps ; but whether she had actually sold her 
 soul to him, she could not say, but from what she had been told 
 by her nurse, she presumed she had, and that was the cause of 
 her alarming illness." 
 
 Mrs. Van Dam s zeal for controversy made her overlook the 
 strangeness of Mrs. Tripp s story, and looking at her with some 
 severity, she said 
 
 " Mrs. Tripp, how can you tell me such a tale as this, when 
 you believe there is no devil that Satan is a bug-bear, only an 
 impersonation of evil passions ?" 
 
 Mrs. Tripp was for once embarrassed. " My dear friend," con 
 tinued Mrs. Van Dam, seeing Mrs. Tripp non-plussed, " I fear 
 you will find out too late that Satan is no fiction. Ah ! all this infi 
 delity comes from the unlicensed liberty of dissent. You are yet 
 to discover that there is no safety but in The Church, and that 
 there is no " church without a bishop." I know, madam, you 
 scoff at all this ; but truth compels you sometimes to deny your own 
 theory. I beg you to give up your heresy, and return to the 
 bosom of the church, whose arms are wide open to embrace you, 
 and in whose care only you can find safety and rest." 
 
 "Dear Mrs. Van Dam," replied Mrs. Tripp, " I don t deny 
 you are right ; but I contend we are all right. All the roads of 
 religious life converge to the same centre." 
 
 Mrs. Van Dam lifted up her eyes, and folded her hands over 
 her bosom in a holy horror. " There s but one church, and by 
 it and in it only can we be saved !" 
 
 A long controversy ensued, in which happily Mrs. Smith and 
 
MRS. SMITH S RESTORATION TO REASON. 315 
 
 her Gentleman in Black were forgotten. Both ladies lost their 
 temper, and parted in anger. 
 
 " What a heretic !" said Mrs. Van Dam to Lucille, as Mrs. 
 Tripp and Adela left the room. 
 
 "What a bigot!" said Mrs. Tripp to Adela, as they reached 
 the pavement. 
 
 The crisis of Mrs. Smith s delirium at last passed away. She 
 looked round her room with surprise, and found it darkened, and 
 her husband standing at the foot of her bed, whispering to a 
 gentleman she had never before seen ; she tried to speak, and 
 then discovered her excessive weakness. The stranger put his 
 finger on his lip, and motioned her to be silent. Mr. Smith, with 
 a tenderness of tone and manner to which she had long been a 
 stranger, came to her side, and whispered, " Dear Julia, you are 
 very, very sick ; your life hangs on a slender thread ; do not 
 speak, make no effort, and all will be well." 
 
 The tears came to the eyes of Mrs. Smith, as her husband 
 spoke. He took her hand in his, and sat looking into her face 
 with the earnest love of early days : her memory recalled the day 
 and hour when that first look of love had been felt burning upon 
 her cheek ; and closing her eyes she, wept : they were tears flow 
 ing from the luxury of gratified affection, and she felt how pre 
 cious was that sickness which restored to her the long-lost assur 
 ance that she was still loved. 
 
 The tears of his wife opened the fountain of the husband s heart. 
 He felt the lighting up of a dreadful load of anxiety and self- 
 reproach, and bending over his wife, and laying his cheek on hers, 
 their tears flowed full and fast, and for the first time in their lives, 
 they wept together. 
 
 The doctor beckoned to the nurse to follow him, -^-and soon 
 after Mr. Smith came into the chamber to which he had with 
 drawn, with a face beaming with hope. He led back Dr. Herpin, 
 and introduced him to his wife, as the physician whose unsur 
 passed skill and unwearied attentions had, with God s blessing, 
 carried her thus far towards her recovery. The doctor having 
 said a few soothing words, and begging Mrs. Smith to keep her 
 mind in the most perfect quietness, withdrew. 
 
 As for Mr. Smith, he had never left the house since the com 
 mencement of his wife s sickness ; he was almost always in the 
 chamber with his wife; s#w all who called, and replied to their 
 kind inquiries with deep-felt gratitude for their sympathy. Of 
 all who came, none was more welcome than Miss Worth. While 
 in the depths of despair, she comforted him as best she could, and 
 when he burst forth in a sort of rage against that most unfortunate 
 party, she soothed him, and always left him the happier for her 
 
316 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 visit. And now that reason was once more restored to his wife, 
 he longed to carry Grace and her mother to her bed-side, and tell 
 his wife how kind they had been, and how much of aid and sup 
 port he had derived from their sympathy. 
 
 How few there are of the many who lose the freshness of their 
 first love, in whose hearts it is ever re-awakened ! Oh, to how 
 many fond hearts is "love s young dream" the oasis of the desert 
 of life, from which they too soon awake to the sad consciousness 
 that the consummation of their hopes was the tomb of their hap 
 piness ! 
 
 Mr. Smith, happily, was awakened to the worth of his wife, her 
 importance to his happiness, and all the various excellencies of 
 her heart. It was his joy to find this out on this side the grave. 
 There, and there only, in most cases, do men make a true estimate of 
 the treasures they have unconsciously possessed, and lost forever. 
 
 The renewed manifestations of affection by her husband, made 
 the sick bed to Mrs. Smith the happiest days of her life. And 
 her physician, so soon as it was deemed by him safe, introduced 
 the admirable customs of Germany into the sick room of his pa 
 tient. At first, for a few moments of each day, she received 
 her friends at her bed-side. And, certainly, she never looked 
 so beautiful as when, propped up by pillows, her pale face shaded 
 with her cap, fringed with rich broad lace, and her dark hair 
 simply parted over her forehead. She lay on a bed elegant with 
 all the elaborate refinements of French taste, to welcome her 
 kind friends, male arid female, who were permitted the privilege 
 of seeing her. 
 
 As instructed by her physician, they were only allowed to steal 
 into the room, to take the thin, pale hand as it lay on the bed, and 
 kiss it, and withdraw. Soon the time was extended, and she was 
 permitted to be congratulated with the progress of her recovery ; 
 and in this way her sick chamber was divested of the solitude 
 and painful sense of seclusion, with which American fastidious 
 ness and false delicacy now invest it. 
 
 Among those who were most prompt and assiduous in availing 
 themselves of the privilege of so visiting Mrs. Smith, was Mr. 
 De Lisle. It was not an uncommon circumstance for him to meet 
 in the saloon, Grace Worth, while awaiting his turn to enter the 
 sick chamber. It was natural for them to speak to each other of 
 their friend up stairs, and to express their mutual hopes for her 
 recovery ; other topics were sometimes introduced, but the timidity 
 of Grace seemed all but invincible. Such was her humility in 
 her own attainments, and such the admiration and reverence 
 she felt for his superior talents, that she was pained by a distrust 
 of her powers to sustain her share in conversation, and blushed 
 
GRACE WORTH. 317 
 
 often when she should have spoken, and, at all times, felt herself 
 miserably awkward. Still Mr. De Lisle never failed to address 
 her in preference to any other lady who might happen to be pre 
 sent, arid often, when they left the house together, though it was 
 directly out of his way, he found it in his way to attend Grace 
 to her own door, there to linger for a moment, or, more fre 
 quently, to enter, and make a call upon her mother. It must be 
 confessed, few mothers were more worthy of a call ; few whose 
 wit was so bright and playful ; few whose conversation was so 
 graceful and attractive, while her heart was the home of every 
 generous and noble sentiment, and a sympathy as wide as it was 
 inexhaustible. 
 
 It was natural for Mr. De Lisle thus to cultivate an acquaint 
 ance with the mother of Grace Worth he well knew that the 
 character of the mother would be developed in the maturity of 
 life by her daughter ; and it was with the sincerest satisfaction 
 he found in Mrs. Worth the most beautiful assemblage of all the 
 virtues which elevate and ennoble woman. Her piety was earnest, 
 simple, and sincere ; devoted to her husband, and fond of her child ; 
 possessing a high appreciation of excellence wherever she found 
 it; warm in her friendships ; loved and confided in by her own 
 sex the severest and surest of all tests to which a woman can be 
 subjected. Nor was the father less distinguished for his virtues; 
 his heart was alive to the interests of his race ; his philanthropy 
 knew no narrow restraints of sects or races, but in every move 
 ment made for the amelioration of the condition of mankind, was 
 always ready to aid by his counsels and contributions. 
 
 As we have before said, among those who made frequent calls 
 on Mrs. Smith, were Mrs. Tripp and Adela, for as they had dis 
 covered that Mr. Winterbottom sometimes called, the possibility of 
 meeting him was a motive sufficient to keep them on the alert. 
 As Mrs. Smith s hours of receiving visits were extended, and she 
 was able now to converse without hazard of a relapse, one morn 
 ing Mrs. Tripp was so kind as to take out of her pocket a paper 
 which, she said, "I am sure, my dear Mrs. Smith, you will be 
 glad to see, as it contains an account of your party." 
 
 Mrs. Smith, with a melancholy expression, smiled, and said, 
 
 " Alas ! it must be a most sad affair." 
 
 " No, dear madam ; considering the character of the paper, it 
 is every way flattering, and has attracted universal attention. 
 Shall I read it to you ? 
 
 " May I ask in what paper it appears ?" 
 
 " The paper is the Troglodyte Herald and Babylonian Court 
 Journal," replied Mrs. Tripp. Mrs. Smith bowed, and Mrs. 
 Tripp read as follows : 
 
318 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " Splendid party of last evening among * the Upper-cms? of 
 Babylon the Less. 
 
 " Last evening, according to appointment, Mrs. John Smith for 
 the first time illuminated her house for the reception of her new 
 found friends residing above Blucher Street. The well-known 
 beauty of the lady, and the fine taste of the host, made this party 
 a subject of general interest, since the cards have been circulated. 
 We sent as usual our Ariel, to look in upon the group. He reports 
 that there never was a more beautiful coup-d ceil, when he entered 
 the entire stock of splendid dresses in Mr. John Smith s shop 
 seemed to be in motion, gracing the beautiful forms of the fashion 
 of Babylon. Nothing could surpass the beautiful taste of the sa 
 loons opened on the occasion. After supper, there were the usual 
 mishaps of all over-heated parties ; but, as our Ariel was just at 
 that time taking supper, he was only permitted to see the marks 
 of the disaster, which, in some cases, required the sufferers to leave 
 at an earlier hour than they had designed, being compelled, to use 
 a nautical phrase, to haul out of the engagement and repair 
 damages. 
 
 "Our Ariel says he was especially delighted with the exqui 
 site operatic song, sung by Miss Adela Tr pp, which was list 
 ened to with the most absorbed attention. Miss T pp was 
 
 waited on very assiduously by Mr. W rb m. Mrs. 
 
 Off nh m was in fine voice, and continued singing till 
 
 past midnight. In the saloon assigned to dancing, Ariel says: 
 
 "Gen. S h, Capt. H ty, ex- Alderman of the 6th ward, 
 
 and son of Gen. S., seemed to secure happiness to themselves, 
 
 by making others happy around them. Mr. P 1, Wm. 
 
 T er, G. C er, R. C. H m, J. F an, W. R no, 
 
 W. H. H m, J. P 1, all of whom seemed to be favorites 
 
 among the bright eyes. Monsieur R r, of your city, was pre 
 sent, to whom we had the pleasure of an introduction. Some 
 went home early, but the major part went home under escort. 1 
 The room was richly decorated with gorgeous mirrors, which we 
 should more particularly notice, had we space and time. 
 
 "But it was the enchanting and fascinating women present 
 that made the evening flow away like a glorious stream. It 
 would be impossible for us to do justice to all. 
 
 Bright arms wreathed lightly 
 And tresses fell free 
 Like the plumage of birds 
 From a tropical tree. 
 
 " The beautiful Miss Tr pp seemed aqueen of love and beau 
 ty ; her dark hair was arranged with taste, her step, free and elastic, 
 
" ARIEL S" ACCOUNT OF THE PARTY. 319 
 
 and her voice like the low murmur of a forest water-fall. She was 
 
 accompanied by Mr. W rb m. Miss H ty, of your 
 
 city, was complimented very highly for her good dancing, and 
 seemed to attract the eye of more than one. The beautiful Miss 
 
 W ams, and the admired Miss B on, attracted all eyes. 
 
 Miss J on, Miss B ey, Miss S an, and Miss C k, 
 
 are worthy of particular notice. The two Misses P ys were 
 
 present, and disappointed many, who thought they would not 
 
 mingle in the dance. Mrs. R no, would have been an honor 
 
 to the first European drawing-room. Mrs. H m ought not to 
 
 be forgotten. The two Misses W os, of your city, showed 
 
 by their style of dancing to be no strangers in a ball-room. Miss 
 
 .V ers we had an introduction to, and was in hopes we might 
 
 have had the pleasure of her hand in a dance, but she appeared 
 to be well supplied. Two little nonpareil creatures, one the 
 daughter of ex-Alderman P., were as free and joyous as gazelles. 
 There were others, too, bright, beautiful, and glorious, but who 
 can describe them ? 
 
 "Of all places for observation at such a time, give me a corner, 
 and particularly if, like myself, you are so unfortunate as to be a 
 bachelor, and from such a point, as the stream flows along, I see 
 the fair face of Miss W s, warmed into smiles by the power 
 ful eloquence and devoted attention of Mr. C r; Miss F n 
 
 D n appears, with her sunny smiles and sweet voice, leading 
 
 M r and Mr. E f, willing captives in her train. Miss 
 
 B h passes that lovely face and Haidee eyes appear to be 
 
 the shrine at which Mr. F n O n now worships. Now, 
 
 that rare exotic, Mrs. F n D n, whose pleasing smiles out 
 rivaled the fair blossoms that adorned her brow, leaning on the 
 
 arm of Dr. S n ; Miss M r, of Warner street, with her 
 
 faithful admirer, Mr. H h; Miss R y, that bright planet 
 
 of our horizon, with one of her many satellites, Mr. McC g. 
 
 Then Miss W s, whose wit and glances appear to absorb Mr. 
 
 B e ; and many other lovely creatures that claim an equal 
 
 share of notice, if time would admit it. Many a fair form to me 
 unknown; many a bright eye, to me never before unclosed, were 
 stealing hearts away. Thoughts were telegraphed through the 
 medium of the eye; gentle pressures of the hand, denoting the 
 formation of new, or the continuance of old feelings, were given 
 and returned ; and I, who was only fitted, from age, to be a looker 
 on, almost renewed my years again, as things like these recalled 
 the days of yore. 
 
 1 "The party broke up at an hour unusually early, owing, doubt 
 less, to the accident to which we refer. There is no doubt, if Mrs. 
 
320 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 Smith gives a few more such parties, she will define her posi 
 tion in the upper circles of Babylon, without a doubt. ARIEL." 
 
 As Mrs. Smith grew stronger, she became more and more ca 
 pable of recalling all the scenes of the evening of the party, and 
 of a distinct recollection of her conversation with the Gentleman 
 in Black, and the scenes in the mirror. She longed to tell of all 
 these to some one, but the fear of ridicule kept her silent; and 
 yet, she could not bring herself to believe it had been all an illu 
 sion. 
 
 One morning, she opened the subject of dreams to her phy 
 sician, and begged him to tell what was the philosophy of dream 
 ing. The doctor, with a smile which she could not account for, it 
 was so full of meaning, for she was all unconscious of her loquacity 
 while in a delirious state, replied, with a bow, "That he should 
 be happy to tell her all he knew. It was a subject of great diffi 
 culty, and upon which much had been written. Dreams were 
 various in their aspects, and arose from peculiar conditions of the 
 brain and nervous system. 
 
 " The Peripatetic, " continued the doctor, "represented dreams 
 as arising from a presaging faculty of the mind. Democritus and 
 Lucretius looked upon them as spectres. A modern writer, An 
 drew Baxter, imagined that dreams were prompted by spirits, 
 who had access to the sleeper s brain, with the faculty of inspiring 
 him with various ideas." 
 
 "And who is this writer? A man of any eminence?" asked 
 Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " Yes!" replied the doctor, " a man distinguished for his re 
 searches into the depths of the soul. In a sound sleep, dreams 
 are seldom remembered, whereas, in broken sleep, the impression 
 remains, and we have what Forney calls the lucidity of dreams. 
 Sir Thomas Browne had a very high opinion of dreams, which he 
 styles * the waking of the soul. He says of himself, in his 
 Religio Medici, I was born in the planetary hour of Saturn, 
 and I think I have a piece of that leaden planet in me. I am no 
 way facetious, nor disposed for the mirth and galliarding of com 
 pany; yet, in one dream, I can compose a whole comedy, behold 
 the action, apprehend the jests, and laugh myself awake at the 
 conceits thereof. " 
 
 * It is very \vonderful !" said Mrs. Smith, musing as she spoke. 
 
 "But I think," said the doctor, " we must look for the causes 
 of dreams in physiology, rather than in psychology. And to the 
 condition of the nervous system, we must look for jhe exhaustion 
 which is the immediate cause of sleep." 
 
PHILOSOPHY OF DREAMING. 321 
 
 " Do, please, make me to understand you," said Mrs. Smith, 
 "if it be possible for me to comprehend a subject so mysterious." 
 
 " The subject," said the doctor, smiling, " is one which may 
 not be so attractive in its details, as it may be instructive in its re 
 sults." 
 
 " I am a good listener just now," said Mrs. Smith, with a smile. 
 "I could not make many interruptions if I wished to do so." 
 
 " I will try to make myself so plain as to require none," said 
 the doctor. 
 
 He continued "The parts of the brain and spinal marrow 
 which are associated with the nerves and muscles of the sensitive 
 system generally, from the effect of the usual stimulants of life, 
 suffer such a degree of exhaustion, that those stimulants can no 
 longer excite them ; and their functions, unless stronger stimulants 
 be applied, must be necessarily suspended. Impressions from 
 external objects consequently are no longer perceived, and there 
 fore cannot produce their usual effects on mind or body. The 
 expenditure of excitability in those parts of the brain and spinal 
 marrow, and consequently in the nerves and muscles whose func 
 tions depend on them, being arrested, the vital functions still con 
 tinuing, such an accumulation of it takes place in all these organs, 
 as again renders them sensible to the usual stimulants of life, and 
 the activity of the sensitive system is restored. The exhaustion 
 of the nervous system induces sleep ; its totality of exhaustion is 
 death. 
 
 " In a dreamy state, we find the sensitive parts of the brain, 
 to which the powers of the mind belong, and the parts associated 
 with them, in a state of exhaustion, but not such a state of ex 
 haustion as prevents their being excited by slight causes, while 
 other parts of the system are still in a state of activity. 
 
 " It seems greatly to influence the phenomena of dreaming, 
 that, in order to favor the occurrence of sleep, we prevent, as much 
 as possible, the excitement of the external organs of sense, and 
 consequently, those parts of the brain corresponding with them. 
 This renders us the more sensible to causes of excitement existing 
 within our bodies, while, by the inactivity of those parts of the 
 brain which correspond to the organs of sense, we are deprived 
 of the usual control of such parts of the mental functions as are 
 thus excited ; the effect of which is greatly increased by the ra 
 pidity of the operations of the memory and imagination, when 
 not restrained by some of the various means employed for that 
 purpose in our waking hours. These are often objects of sense, 
 as written language, diagrams, sounds, and, sometimes, even ob 
 jects of touch ; but the most common is the mere use of words, 
 independently of any object presented to our senses. 
 21 
 
322 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 "Thus, my dear madam," said the doctor, "having stated my 
 premises, I will make my application." 
 
 "I presume," said Mrs. Smith, with a languid smile, "I shall 
 better understand the last than the first pray, try me." 
 
 The doctor smiled and bowed. " Any one may perceive how 
 difficult it is to pursue a train of reasoning without the means of 
 detaining his ideas for the purpose of steadily considering them 
 and comparing them together. Now in sleep, in consequence of 
 the excitement depending on the brain being so partial, we are 
 deprived of all these means ; and our ideas pass with such ra 
 pidity as precludes all consideration and comparison. Our con 
 ceptions are, therefore, uncorrected by experience, and we are not 
 at all surprised at the greatest incongruities. Why should we be 
 surprised at our moving through the air, when we are not aware 
 that we have not always done so? The mind of the dreamer 
 differs from that of the infant in having a fund of ideas laid up in 
 it which may be partially recalled ; but it resembles it at the 
 same time in being void of the results of experience, and conse 
 quently, with the exception of this partial operation of experience, 
 of the means of correcting the ideas excited in it. In general, 
 there is neither time nor means for doubt or hesitancy." 
 
 "Yes, I have experience of that being so," said Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " Such is our rapidity of thought in dreaming," continued the 
 doctor, "that it is not uncommon for a dream, excited by the noise 
 that wakes us, and which, therefore, must take place in the act 
 of waking, to require more than fifty times the space in the rela 
 tion. It is a good illustration of what I have said, that, when 
 we dream we are conversing, and thus obliged to employ words, 
 the usual incongruities of dreaming do not occur." 
 
 "Indeed," said Mrs. Smith; "and why so?" 
 
 "Because the ideas are sufficiently detained to enable us to 
 correct the suggestions of the imagination. Now, madam, to 
 conclude. The peculiarities of dreaming arise from partial causes 
 of disturbance of the brain, and some of the sensitive parts of the 
 brain being capable of excitement without disturbing others ; and 
 thus it is, that the more near we are to waking, the more rational 
 our dreams become all parts of the brain beginning to partake of 
 the excitement, which has given rise to the adage, morning 
 dreams are true. " 
 
 " I thank you, doctor. I wonder if evening dreams are al 
 ways false ; but I will not detain you any longer. I hope to re 
 tain some of these thoughts, and to see why some dreams are 
 more clear and perfectly defined than others." 
 
 On the long-looked-for, and long-wished-for day, on which his 
 wife was permitted to descend to her parlor, Mr. Smith came 
 
INFLUENCE OF ROMANISM ON THE ARTS. 323 
 
 home at the hour to help her down stairs. It seemed to he his 
 greatest gratification to render her all the little aid and assistance 
 she required, and would not permit her nurse even to do her any 
 little service, when present, which it was in his power to render 
 her. As she entered the room, she had a most expressive evi 
 dence of his considerate care ; every covering soiled on the night 
 of the party had been replaced, and no trace of injury to her car 
 pets could be seen. Mrs. Smith turned to her husband with a 
 look of grateful affection, and threw her arms around his neck. 
 No word was spoken none were needed ; but Mr. Smith in 
 stantly diverted her attention to some beautiful pictures he had 
 purchased as an agreeable surprise to her on her coming once 
 more into her parlors. They were selected with great taste, and 
 the subjects were all in harmony with the beauty of the rooms. 
 There was no Judith with the bleeding head of Holofernes ; no 
 St. John Baptist s head in a charger ; no Rebecca surprised by 
 the elders; no Venus and Mars under their iron veil. And, 
 especially, were there noundistinguishable masses of brown paint 
 from the pencils of the " old masters ;" but all pictures pleasing 
 at the first glance, and pleasing always, awakening emotions of 
 delight from the blending of light and shade, or of grace and 
 loveliness portrayed on the canvas. There was not a single master 
 of the "Old School" among them, but all fresh from the easels of 
 native artists men who have only to be patronized to attain the 
 perfectibility of the past age, with all the superadded attractiveness 
 of scenes and subjects of present interest a matter of no small 
 value, if common sense were to prevail in these matters. 
 
 It is strange how many are the perversions of the arts of paint 
 ing, which originated in the stupidities of monks and nuns, who 
 have controlled the flight of genius, and tasked it to the impossi 
 bilities of combining the unities of the arts of design with their 
 monkish superstitions. 
 
 Chateaubriand, in his "Genie du Christianisme," speaks of these 
 obligations of the fine arts to Christianity a word which means, 
 with him, Romanism; and most Protestants have taken his dicta 
 for Gospel truth: but there is a reverse to this medal, and it is 
 thus presented by Robert Robinson, in his "Researches," p. 259: 
 
 "Of all the descendants of Adam, an enthusiast is the most 
 ridiculous, and of all enthusiasts, a sacred fanatic in holy orders 
 is the most perverse. These gentry got uppermost in Spain, and 
 in spite of all the glare which a profusion of wealth throws over 
 the arts, artists groan for freedom from the barbarous hands of 
 such masters. Two examples may suffice: 
 
 "Spain hath produced, at least, two hundred capital painters, 
 and pictures are innumerable; but the religion of the country 
 
324 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 narrows the field of fancy, and keeps wholly out of sight the finest 
 subjects of history-painting, while it brings forward a set of unin 
 teresting beggars, called saints, whose idle pranks, real or feigned, 
 represented in beautiful coloring, occupy places due to actions 
 of magnanimity and virtue worthy of imitation by all posterity. 
 A traveler should not fall languid at the sight of an historical 
 painting; he should catch fire, and return a wiser and a better 
 man. An artist let alone, would produce such effects, but when 
 the fatal hand of superstition guides the pencil, it aims at nothing 
 nobler than to make a devotee snivel. Even Italy, with all its 
 fine ancient models, is vitiated with this bad taste; and in Spain 
 it is much worse.* To say nothing of pictures of St. Augustine 
 pulling out a beam, which a bungling carpenter had cut too short, 
 by miracle to its proper length, or the flaying alive of St. Bar 
 tholomew, or of the Virgin Mary squeezing milk out of her 
 breasts, for the relief of souls in purgatory, or of St. Nicholas in 
 bed causing roasted partridges to fly away because it was fast-day, 
 or of Christ standing on the basin of a fountain, spouting out 
 blood from his five wounds; or of many more of the same kind: 
 there is one in the Escurial which deserves notice. One of the 
 finest pictures in Spain, perhaps in the world, is that called Ma 
 donna, or our lady of the fish, in the old church of the Escurial, 
 painted by Raphael. Never did the eye behold a finer piece, if 
 a judgment may be formed from engravings. 
 
 "There is, however, in this, as in other of Raphael s paintings, 
 an anachronism. How could a man of his true taste, in a picture 
 of the transfiguration, place two Franciscan monks on the top 
 of Mount Tabor, not far from Christ, Moses and Elias? My 
 astonishment ceased, says a connoisseur, when I was informed 
 that he painted that picture by qrder of a community of Capuchin 
 friars. A community of nuns gave Raphael the following per 
 sonages to be embodied in a picture : Christ, the Virgin Mary, 
 St. Jerome, Raphae^ the Archangel, and his young pupil Tobias. 
 None but Raphael could have formed so extraordinary and beau 
 tiful a picture from a subject so sterile and unconnected, but Ra 
 phael could not perform impossibilities, and the anachronism is a 
 take-off which can never be removed. Had the state provided 
 husbands for these devout ladies, and settled the mansion and the 
 farms on the painter, all free from the superintendence of a priest, 
 he would have enjoyed the luxury of being Raphael alone, and 
 his works would have been as perfect as his taste. Ah ! who can 
 
 * See Turnbull s Collection of Paintings and Sculptures. Gresley s Obser 
 vations on Italy. Dr. Moore s Travels. Baretti. Twiss. Walpole s Anec 
 dotes of Paintings. 
 
ADELA TRIPP. 325 
 
 help deploring the fate of those artists whose work-shops face a 
 Court of the Inquisition !"* 
 
 On entering the library, the surprise of Mrs. Smith was great, 
 to see on the shelves the very folios which had been referred to 
 by the Gentleman in Black and she became strangely mystified, 
 but kept her cogitations to herself; still the conviction grew day by 
 day, as she visited the library, and took the seat she had occupied 
 in her vision, that the Gentleman in Black was a real personage 
 that Peter Schlemihl was now walking the streets of Babylon. 
 Indeed, whenever she heard a noise behind her, she turned quickly 
 round as if expecting to see the one or to feel the kiss of the other 
 warmly impressed upon her cheek. 
 
 " Poor Peter, I wish he would come," she said to herself. "I 
 should then be satisfied. It cannot be it was all a dream. Sir 
 Thomas Browne never composed such a story in his life !" 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 Adela Tripp s first love, in which the narrative goes back to a conference 
 between Mrs. Tripp and Adela Expensiveness of daughters Duty of 
 eldest daughters to get out of the way of their sisters Mrs. Tripp proposes 
 Mr. Winterbottom Character of old Van Tromp in contrast with Mr. 
 Tripp Mrs. Tripp s plans of securing Mr. Winterbottom Story of Adela s 
 first love Results of target practice on Frank Stanly Reaction upon 
 herself As directed by her mother, dismisses Frank His melancholy 
 Janet Strahan s love for Frank Conduct of her parents Frank avows his 
 love for Janet, and is accepted. 
 
 IN order that our readers may better understand the position 
 of the characters, we have introduced to their acquaintance, it is 
 proper to go back a little, and to relate an interview which took 
 place at Mr. Tripp s. 
 
 A short time before this first grand party was given by Mrs. 
 Smith, Mrs. Tripp was seated with her daughter, contriving the 
 dresses to be worn on that night, when the following conversation 
 took place. They had been speaking of the various matches 
 which had been announced, which were to be consummated during 
 the coming holidays. 
 
 "My dear Adela, it is time you should be disposed of. Jo- 
 
 * R. Robinson, p. 260. 
 
326 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 sephine is now about to enter upon her second season, and unless 
 you make haste, you may be compelled to dance in the brass 
 kettle. " 
 
 " I should have been in no danger of it, had my own wishes 
 been gratified," replied Adela. 
 
 "And married Frank Stanly, a poor clerk ! And what would 
 you have done as the wife of Frank Stanly?" 
 
 " Alas ! that is true. I am a worthless accomplished girl, fit for 
 no useful purpose on earth, but to aid in the gayeties of fashion 
 able life." 
 
 "My dear, you are eminently endowed with beauty, and to 
 these your father and myself have, at great expense, joined all the 
 advantages of a highly fashionable education, and it is now for 
 you to avail yourself of your position, and make a good match for 
 yourself." 
 
 "Poor Frank!" sighed Adela; " he loves me, and would coin 
 his heart s blood to make me happy; but I am fitted for no life of 
 sacrifices, and must give up all hope of happiness." 
 
 " You talk, child, like a simpleton," replied Mrs. Tripp sharply. 
 "Is there no happiness in a good position in society? Are you 
 so stupid as to believe, the love you re only rich in, will light a 
 fire in the kitchen? or the little God of Love turn the spit? If 
 you think so, you are not the Adela Tripp I take you to be." 
 
 " No, mother, I am not so great a simpleton, though poor Frank 
 is. He would persuade me that such love as ours must command 
 the bliss of heaven on earth. To him no sacrifice is great to 
 possess my affections, but I have been educated by my mother, 
 and I have some of the wisdom she possesses in such great mea 
 sure. I know it cannot be so, yet I am willing to wait the chances 
 of life. He may yet become a junior partner, and be able to meet 
 the cost and charges of a married life such as my tastes demand." 
 
 "Well, my child, if you can wait, 7 can t. Your last winter 
 cost your father a thousand dollars, and he can t afford such cost; 
 and besides, he has other daughters to bring out. Sophia and 
 Elizabeth are fast approaching the time they too must make their 
 appearance in society." 
 
 "A thousand dollars! how can you say so? I never spent over 
 three hundred a year, and I am sure no young lady can dress 
 with more economy, and retain her position in the circles in which 
 we move." 
 
 " But did we not give a party for you last winter? and did not 
 that cost with all the economy I could exert, full seven hundred 
 dollars?" 
 
 Adela sighed " If father deems his children such a bill of cost 
 
DUTY OF DAUGHTERS. 327 
 
 to him, I only wonder he should ever have incurred such unwel 
 come responsibilities." 
 
 "Adela Tripp, you astonish me!" cried her mother. "But, 
 child, here you are, and you must get through the world as best 
 you may, and I tell you, you must hasten and be out of the way 
 of your sisters." 
 
 * Pray, what can I do ?" asked Adela ; " I have rejected no one 
 but poor Frank." 
 
 "And poor Frank, as you call him," replied the mother, " has 
 kept you from making use of your eyes for any one but him. I 
 wish he had been at Jericho before he ever crossed your path. 
 Don t you know I tell you the truth? There was Mr. Herring, 
 on the very brink of falling in love with you, but he drew back 
 when he saw you were pre-occupied by this poor clerk." 
 
 " Oh !" said Adela, with tears in her eyes, " how can you think 
 it possible for me to love a man so hateful to rne ?" 
 
 " And why so hateful ? because you were besotted with this 
 young man who has only his personal attractions to commend 
 him. Mr. Herring is a man of wealth." 
 
 "Yes ! and a man of years, too," replied Adela " with sons 
 older than myself. What a sight it would be to see me dancing 
 with his fine, fashionable sons, while my husband sits gaping and 
 dozing on a sofa, wishing me out of the ball room before midnight. 
 No ! I can t do that." 
 
 "And there s Mr. Winterbottom he has no sons," said Mrs. 
 Tripp. 
 
 " But he s so cold and so very precise," replied Adela. 
 
 "Ah! my child, but then he s so rich. Now, Adela, I have a 
 plan for you which cannot fail to prove successful, and all I ask 
 of you is your co-operation shall I have it ?" 
 
 Adela was silent the tears stole down her cheeks, and there 
 was evidently deep emotion in her soul; and her mother sat with 
 eagle eye watching her face, to see if this tempest of passion 
 should burst into a rage of tears, or subside. 
 
 Adela wiped away her tears and said, " Mother, I have no 
 choice I am unfit to be the wife of Frank I must give up the 
 only passion I ever cherished he deserves a better wife than I 
 can make him, and I will not mar the happiness of one I can 
 never myself realize. I am the creature of fashionable life ; to 
 such condition I was born, and I must fulfil my destiny. I am 
 ready to follow your lead, lead where it may this side of infamy." 
 
 " My dear Adela," replied Mrs. Tripp, in a soothing tone, 
 "you positively shock me. I only wish to see you well placed 
 in life, and I know this can be attained. Now you shall have my 
 plan. Mr. Winterbottom is every way worthy of you. He is a 
 
328 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 man of amiable and excellent qualities; he has eminently a good 
 heart, and is very fond, as you know, of music, and has shown, in 
 his recent visits, since his return from Europe, great pleasure in 
 listening to you. He evidently thinks you a fine girl, and such 
 men must have sentiments susceptible of being awakened to the 
 pleasures of domestic life. All that is needed is to gently draw 
 him on ; to make our family circle pleasant to him ; to give him all 
 fitting opportunities to appreciate your qualities to make his home, 
 now so desolate in all its splendors, attractive to himself, and plea 
 sant to his friends. I will have him invited to this party, and he 
 shall go with us." 
 
 Adela fell into a fit of abstraction, and awaking out of it, said, 
 " Mother, if I give up Frank, as I must and will, may I not be 
 allowed another year to suit myself to a husband who will be to 
 my taste ? I don t see that my chances are so desperate. There s 
 Teresa Van Tromp, whose engagement has just come out to young 
 M Shane, why may I not be as successful?" 
 
 " Because, my dear, your father is not a Van Tromp," replied 
 Mrs. Tripp, with great asperity of tone. " You know as well as I, 
 that your father won t lift up his finger to help you on in this 
 matter. You know he has the most ridiculous notions in the 
 world on these subjects. He is not a president of a bank, and 
 has no moneyed influence to exert in favor of any son-in-law of his, 
 and if he had, he is the man who would see his sons-in-law bank 
 rupt before he would exert it." 
 
 "And didn t old Van Tromp let Mr. Simpkins go down in the 
 crash of 1836 ?" said Adela. 
 
 " It is true," said Mrs. Tripp, " that Simpkins did suspend pay 
 ment for a while, and old Van Tromp roared out against him like 
 a lion, yet he was soon pacified ; and then Old Van showed him 
 self an ace of trumps, for he nobly paid ofTall his creditors, and set 
 him a going again, and has ever since had an oversight of his 
 affairs. Now, then, don t you see what a bonus old Van Tromp has 
 offered to any young man whose stocks hang heavy, and whose 
 affairs are somewhat embarrassed ? Believe me, Adela, there s 
 not a set of girls in Babylon whose chances are better than theirs; 
 and Katrine Van Tromp, though she weighs a ton, will be 
 deemed as good as old gold one of these days, and you will see 
 her well married, when you and all your fine accomplishments 
 hang dead in the market." 
 
 Adela sighed again deeply. "I don t see how I am to win Mr. 
 Winterbottom. He has been a long time in this world, and has 
 withstood all the attractions which have been brought to bear upon 
 him ; and what hope can I have of being successful when so many 
 have failed?" 
 
329 
 
 " Leave all that to me, Adela. Propinquity, my child, is all that 
 is required; fortunate opportunities and agreeable interviews will 
 do the rest. We will have some nice little parties this winter, a 
 few good dinners, and as you ride with grace and elegance, and 
 Mr. Winterbottom loves his horse so well, you shall ride out with 
 him. Other girls have had no clever mothers to help them, and 
 I must say, few, if any, possess the powers of pleasing, and the 
 address, of Adela Tripp. All I ask is that you give your whole 
 soul to the task, and allow yourself fair play. And I, too, will 
 secure the aid of the Van Tromps and the Van Dams to aid us." 
 
 "The Van Tromps and the Van Dams!" exclaimed Adela. 
 "You must be crazy to think of the possibility of such a thing. 
 Have they not done their best to ensnare him for themselves ? and 
 do you think they will help you?" 
 
 "Yes, my child, they will! and for the very reason you give. 
 They have long since left the chase, and their hatred of a man 
 who has declined all their overtures, can be brought to play to 
 our advantage." 
 
 "Dear mother, you are very clever, I well know, but I doubt 
 your ability to change these hyenas into lambs. Have they not 
 ridiculed you, and made me the sport of their malice? and can 
 you be so mad as to believe they will come to aid you to succeed 
 in the very effort in which they have so signally failed ?" 
 
 "Certainly they will, for these very reasons. They would 
 gladly have put an extinguisher upon you, but they can t do it; 
 they dread to come in contrast with your attractions, which they 
 affect to despise; and they will rejoice when you are disposed 
 of; and they would doubtless deem themselves revenged on Mr. 
 Winterbottom by helping him on to a union with you. And then, 
 too, they would be stimulated and rewarded by being your brides 
 maids, and sharing in the splendid parties you will give. All 
 these matters I can manage through their mothers; leave that to 
 me; only give up your soul to this labor of love." 
 
 " Labor of love, indeed ! To me, mother, it is a stern task of soul ; 
 but it is my sad destiny, and I submit." 
 
 "My child, don t talk so despondingly. Think of the advan 
 tages you will gain, the splendid saloons in which you are de 
 stined to shine, the ability you will possess of patronizing those 
 who have dared to patronize you, and the satisfaction you will 
 have of repaying all these old scores with interest, and then, too, 
 you will be able to bring forward your sisters " 
 
 "Alas!" sighed Adela, interrupting her mother in her Alcan- 
 zar-like dream, "I wish I had never been born, or, if born, I had 
 come into the world some years later ; then I might have been 
 happy." 
 
330 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 "Happy! who so happy as yourself who will be so envied? 
 You talk like a mere school girl." Here Mrs. Tripp paused for 
 a reply. 
 
 "Is it so, mother? Is love nothing? Is the healthful play of 
 the affections nothing? And shall I not live to envy the woman 
 who will make Frank Stanly happy? But there is one motive, 
 mother, you have overlooked. I shall, I hope, be able to induce 
 Mr. Winterbottom to lend his aid in the creation of his fortunes. 
 It shall be done with all stealthiness. Frank shall never discover 
 the source, and I shall be happy to know I have done as the wife 
 of another, what I am powerless to do as his own." 
 
 Mrs. Tripp looked at Adela, who now sat in deep thought, 
 with a smile, almost a sneer, and willing to aid her castle-building, 
 she said, with apparent enthusiasm 
 
 " Yes, Adela, arid you may adopt one of his children, perhaps, 
 as your own " 
 
 Adela started "And am I then to die childless!" she ex 
 claimed. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp discovered her sarcasm had waked up a most pain 
 ful thought. "Childless!" exclaimed the mother, as if the idea 
 was absolutely amazing; "how can you think so? Has not Mrs. 
 Younghusband recently had twins, and there s Florida Klein has 
 brought her husband up to par by a boy that weighs fourteen 
 pounds!" 
 
 These were examples in point, and Adela took the consolation 
 they were so well calculated to afford. 
 
 Adela now surrendered at discretion, and the result of the first 
 demonstration towards the accomplishment of making Mr. Win- 
 terboltom a happy man, has already been related. 
 
 Now, the story of Adela and Frank Stanly was on this wise 
 and we relate it here, as aiding to a more perfect delineation of 
 this interesting young lady, in whose history we hope our readers 
 are sufficiently enlisted to read the story of her first love; for 
 every heart has its first love, and happy are those whose first 
 love is the love of a whole life! 
 
 Frank Stanly was distinguished for his fine form, his intelli 
 gent face, and graceful manners ; he was at this time just twenty- 
 two years of age, and held the position of confidential clerk in 
 the house of Archibald Strahan & Co., a Scotch house of importers 
 in Babylon the Less. His salary was a very liberal one. which 
 he devoted, (all beyond his personal expenses,) to the education 
 and support of two younger brothers who were at College. His 
 admirable character and his filial affection won for him the entire 
 confidence of his employers, and they took great pleasure in bring 
 ing him into the family circles of their friends. Especially was 
 
FRANK STANLY. 331 
 
 this true of Mr. Strahan,at whose hospitable mansion his musical 
 tastes and accomplishments, for he played admirably on the flute, 
 made him a welcome visitor. Mr. Strahan s family consisted of 
 his wife, two daughters, and four sons, younger than the daugh 
 ters. The elder of these girls, Janet Strahan, was possessed of 
 extreme delicacy, of thought, and great timidity of manner. Her 
 sister Jane was, at the time we speak of, a school girl of fourteen. 
 
 To Janet, Frank Stanly had become a beau-ideal of excel 
 lence ; the consequence of hearing her father s commendation of 
 his character an idea, which was readily developed by her fami 
 liar intercourse with him. Her admiration was changed to love 
 unconsciously to herself. The father, averse to society which led 
 him away from the comforts of his own fireside, and yet anxious 
 that his wife and daughter should be gratified, intrusted them to 
 Frank, whose happiness it was to accompany them to the theatre, 
 the concert, and all parties to which they went. To Frank, Janet 
 was a being of another sphere he never dreamed an alliance 
 with one so far above him, and the thought, had it arisen, would 
 have seemed treasonable. But Janet knew of no such difference 
 in their condition. Money to her was something about which 
 she knew but little. Her father s purse was always open to every 
 demand, but such was the care taken by her mother of her chil 
 dren s wants, that a few dollars was all the spending money she 
 ever required. 
 
 Frank Stanly s society became the charm of her life. The 
 music he admired she played, and the books he recommended she 
 read, and so sought to become in all things conformed to his tastes, 
 and to be like him, who was to her the perfection of mankind. 
 All went on happily with her, till Adela Tripp, to use her mo 
 ther s phrase, crossed his path; and Janet then discovered the 
 depths of her love at the moment she felt it must be hopeless. 
 The musical skill of Adela was unrivaled, and Frank at first 
 was an admirer only of her admirable execution on the piano. 
 At the musical soirees given by Mrs. Tripp, Frank was invited, 
 because of his exquisite accompaniment with the flute, which 
 helped to show oft Adela s performance, and Janet, because of 
 her parentage. And as they walked homeward, the poor girl 
 was made miserable by the admiration she heard expressed for 
 Adela, although as yet, it was only her musical taste and talent 
 which were dwelt upon. 
 
 Adela discovered the attachment of Janet, and it gave to 
 Frank a new value and importance. She found it in her heart 
 to give her eye an expression of softness, as she looked up to 
 Frank to turn over the leaves of the music they were playing 
 together, which was exceedingly fascinating, but Frank was too 
 
332 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 modest to see. Still the look came back to him as he fell asleep 
 on his pillow, and Adela reappeared in his dreams. Waking, he 
 dwelt upon the flattery which it conveyed : " what was he ? a poor 
 clerk !" and so he fell asleep again, to dream of Adela Tripp, her 
 sweet voice, her soft smiles and speaking eyes. 
 
 Now, though Adela went into this, merely by way of experi 
 menting on her powers of pleasing ; neither wishing nor intending 
 more than a mere manifestation of her artillery, as a sort of target- 
 practice, by poor Janet, who sat by, a silent and absorbed spectator 
 of the powers of Adela s fascination, every new demonstration 
 was watched in agony, and with a heart sinking in despair ; she 
 lost all her powers to sustain any share in the society, from which 
 she could not withdraw herself. 
 
 Adela Tripp, as many such young ladies have discovered in their 
 sad experience, found that what was commenced from over list- 
 lessness and want of other occupation, became at last the pleasure 
 of her existence. She saw with secret satisfaction the struggles 
 Frank made to repress his love for her society. He would absent 
 himself for weeks, but she knew how to recover him by a single 
 appealing look, and to tie him to her side against all the strivings 
 of his will to resist the Circean cup of her attractiveness, never 
 so beautiful as when bestowed upon him. 
 
 Janet, in the meanwhile, became more and more silent in her 
 intercourse with Frank ; her piano was rarely opened when she 
 could avoid it ; and she made a pretence of a cold which pre 
 vented her from singing. A hectic flush appeared on her cheek, 
 which prevented her going out in the evening, and she said, too, 
 " she loved to keep her father company," and this was a reason so 
 gratifying to her parents, that she was suffered to have her own 
 way, and remain at home. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp, who had looked upon the growing admiration of 
 Frank Stanly, and the play of Adela s powers of pleasing as mere 
 coquetry, now awoke to the danger likely to result from its con 
 tinuance. She found Adela absorbed by Frank at parties where 
 good opportunities were worse than lost. And she determined 
 the winter about to open should not be lost, as the last had been. 
 This brought on the grand demonstration of which we have spoken. 
 Adela had been compelled to appear wayward, and when Frank, 
 in order to determine the condition of her affections, had disclosed 
 his own, Adela relented, and once more both were happy as lovers 
 are, with whom, alas ! " the stream of true love never runs smooth." 
 The very obstacles made their meetings the more fond and fre 
 quent. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp once awake, was not to be put to sleep. She 
 
FRANK STANLY. 333 
 
 discovered the state of Adela s heart, and urged a final and fixed 
 resolve. 
 
 With great agony and with many tears, Adela told Frank, 
 their attachment could only bring upon them both the extremest 
 misery. She was unfitted for a poor man s wife, and felt herself 
 unable to sustain the sacrifices she would be compelled to meet. 
 
 This was all-sufficient for Frank. His generous nature could 
 not ask Adela to make a sacrifice for him against the convictions of 
 her judgment, nor did he complain because her love was not equal 
 to the sacrifice. He was deeply wounded, but he uttered no re 
 proaches, and received with tears the little gifts he had persuaded 
 Adela to accept; and it was some weeks after this last interview, 
 that the conversation between Mrs. Tripp and Adela took place. 
 He had never contemplated renewing the subject, but Adela had; 
 and she knew how to recall him, if she found it in her heart to do 
 so but now she said "I will relinquish Frank Stanly for 
 ever poor Frank !" 
 
 The distress consequent upon the vacillating course which had 
 been pursued by Adela in the mind of Frank Stanly, was not un 
 heeded by Janet. Her generous soul was now overflowing with 
 tenderness to one she loved, and who was so very wretched. Her 
 quiet attentions were 4 grateful and soothing. No word was spoken 
 by him, no allusion was made by her. This continued until the 
 rmal and fixed result was expressed by Adela, which left Frank 
 in a state of the deepest wretchedness. 
 
 His unhappiness now attracted the attention of Mr. and Mrs. 
 Strahan, who, without knowing what had happened, kindly con 
 trived a business tour for Frank, hoping to divert his mind. Mr. 
 Strahan asked him frankly, " if he was perplexed for want of 
 money ; if so, his purse was at his service." 
 
 "Perhaps, Frank," said Mr. Strahan, with great kindness of 
 manner, " you have got into some scrape you are heartily ashamed 
 of? If so, make a confidant of me, and I will help you out, my dear 
 fellow. I have gone through all this before, when sowing my 
 wild oats, and know what it is. Now, my boy, have you lost 
 money ? and how much do you need to clear yourself?" 
 
 Frank s tears told his deep feeling, but with a most melan 
 choly smile, he replied to his most excellent and amiable employ 
 er " Money, dear sir, can t help me. I am just now in the Slough 
 of Despond, but I shall after a while get out on the right side." 
 
 "Cheer up, my good fellow, and dine with us next Sunday 
 go to church with my wife, and see what a sermon, and a glass 
 of wine after dinner, will do for you." So saying, the good man, 
 with all the sunshine which benevolence sheds on the heart, took 
 up his candle, and bid him good night. 
 
334 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 Mrs. Strahan, who was present, now took up the theme relin 
 quished by her good husband, but could make nothing of it; and 
 when Frank took leave of her, the affectionate and excellent lady 
 fell to thinking. 
 
 "If it is not money," thought Mrs. Strahan, "it must be love: 
 and if love, who can it be for but Janet ?" and then she opened her 
 eyes, and though it was full bed-time, she still sat in deep medi 
 tation. "Frank is only a clerk he has nothing, and everybody 
 would say Janet had thrown herself away: poor fellow ! I m 
 sorry for him." Then again she mused awhile. " But is he so 
 poor? are his talents nothing his integrity, his noble sacrifices 
 for his brothers ? Are these nothing? all worthless, and of no ac 
 count? Whom could I find, if I were to search the city, to whom 
 I should so willingly confide the happiness of Janet ? Her sus 
 ceptible, sensitive heart needs the warm affections of a generous 
 nature, one whose refinement of feeling will never grieve her. I 
 must think of this ;" and so she slept upon it. And when Frank 
 came in the next evening, her manner, unconsciously so to herself, 
 was more motherly and kind towards him than ever. 
 
 Frank was most happy to leave the city. He spent the winter 
 away, and with the happiest results. His mind had time to re 
 cover its elasticity, and to see the folly and almost wickedness of 
 persuading a girl of Adela Tripp s education to share the strug 
 gles which awaited him in life; and it was a relief to him to hear, 
 on his return, that Adela was in full tide of successful experiment 
 to win the affections of Mr. Winterbottorn. 
 
 The Strahans welcomed Frank home with the utmost cordi 
 ality, and the good mother, whose suspicions had been awakened as 
 to the cause of his depression of spirits, was on the alert to see if 
 her guesses were true. To her surprise, she could not discover 
 any embarrassment in him, created either by the presence or ab 
 sence of Janet, and as for her sister, he played with her with an 
 air as unconstrained as though she were a kitten. 
 
 The dear lady was now at a stand still. From Frank she 
 looked to Janet. She saw a great change had come over her, and 
 that the indications she had expected to see in the one were ap 
 parent in the other. There had been an evident improvement in 
 Janet s health since Frank s return her piano was re-opened 
 she played, when alone, the new music Frank had brought her. 
 Their voices once more blended sweetly together as they sung 
 songs which had been all but forgotten. 
 
 " It must be," thought Mrs. Strahan, "that my precious child 
 loves Frank. Alas! poor girl, and is it so ?" and her heart sunk 
 within her: the case wore a phase of extreme painfulness. The 
 extreme timidity and almost morbid sensibility of Janet forbid her 
 
FRANK STANLY. 335 
 
 mother from making any reference of this condition of her affec 
 tions even to her husband, till she had settled all this in her own. 
 mind. 
 
 Accident discovered to Frank the interest which their constant 
 intercourse had created in the heart of Janet Strahan. These 
 things do reveal themselves in the glance of an eye the changing 
 color of the cheek, and the inflections of the voice ; through some 
 one of these avenues of the heart, Love delights to manifest his pre 
 sence, and no care can guard his escape. While Frank s own 
 heart had been pre-occupied, these passed him unnoticed ; but 
 now, the spell was broken, and he was once more at liberty to use 
 his eyes, and to look from a point of observation never till now 
 attained. 
 
 His emotions, as he became more and more fully possessed of 
 the state of Janet s affections, were at first painful. He was grieved 
 to be loved by one whose wishes (so it at first seemed), never could 
 be gratified. That this lovely girl s history was like his own 
 the stream of love was to be broken into bubbles, to live but a 
 brief moment, and to die. But he asked himself, " Why must it be 
 so?" and then he recalled his love for Adela his own dependence: 
 but as weeks elapsed, the aspects changed. Janet appeared 
 more and more beautiful, as she retreated from his increased 
 attentions, and sought the side of her father and mother, as they 
 passed together into the street to walk, or as she took her seat at 
 the centre-table: yet, when having so disposed of herself, she 
 evinced no unwillingness to converse with him. It was only at 
 the piano they were near each other. If their eyes met, hers 
 fell; if, in the haste of turning over a page of music, their hands 
 chanced to meet, she withdrew hers as though a bee had stung it. 
 
 And now Frank began more and more to feel how sad it was 
 to be poor; and images of home, in which Adela was forgotten, 
 and Janet with all her gracefulness and gentleness assumed her 
 place, now visited the pillow of master Frank as he laid himself 
 down to sleep. 
 
 How long matters would have gone on at this rate, no one can 
 tell, had not Mr. Strahan, who was engaged reading the news 
 paper, seated in his easy chair, chanced to look over the top of 
 his spectacles one evening, and witnessed one of these little scenes 
 at the piano. Like a most excellent husband, as he was, his first 
 step was to speak with his wife. She became all at once surpris 
 ingly obtuse, and had to be enlightened, and when fairly waked 
 up, she looked her husband in the face, and said: 
 
 " Where will you get a better son-in-law for Janet than Frank?" 
 
 " By George," replied the husband, "that s true. He is poor, 
 but I will make him our junior partner on the 1st of May next." 
 
336 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 This was done to the unspeakable happiness of Frank. His 
 affairs now looked bright, and his spirits rose, and he asked him 
 self, " Who will love me so well as Janet ? Where shall I find such 
 parents? Ah! if it were possible! If I dared to ask the hand of 
 Janet!" His heart sunk as he proceeded to ask, "Do I love Janet 
 as Janet deserves to be loved, and must be loved, to be happy ? 
 and, can she trust me after knowing my attachment for Adela 
 Tripp?" 
 
 Here was an enigma, but love solves all such riddles. It is 
 the great alembic which transmutes earth to gold; and which, even 
 when mixed with earth, purifies and refines. 
 
 These misgivings grew weaker, and his confidence in himself, 
 and his hopes in Janet s love, grew stronger. He felt the value of 
 one so good, so gentle, and devoted, and said to himself, "I shall 
 love I do love. " Having thus settled this great question in his 
 own mind, his next difficulty was to make his wishes known to 
 her parents. He remembered all their kindness, and the frankness 
 which had characterized their whole course towards him and it 
 was only with their consent and sanction he determined to proceed 
 in the expressions of his growing attachment to their best beloved 
 child. This was due to them and to himself. 
 
 One evening, as they were alone, he requested them to give 
 him the opportunity of conversing with them in the private room 
 of Mr. Strahan, which they at once granted, and having taken 
 their seats (a moment of dreadful expectancy to Frank), he ad 
 dressed them, at first, with great embarrassment of language 
 spoke of their uniform friendship the great and distinguished 
 favor recently conferred, and finally his desire to ask one still 
 greater and higher expression of their confidence and love, in their 
 permission to seek the hand and heart of Janet. 
 
 Mr. and Mrs. Strahan heard him through in a silence which 
 was quite alarming; Mr. Strahan had now no impulses, but left 
 his wife to reply. She said in a kind tone, but with great pre 
 cision of expression : " If, Frank, you are sure of yourself certain 
 of your love for Janet, you have our sanction and our best wishes." 
 Mr. Strahan simply bowed his acquiescence, and Frank found 
 himself (he had no exact recollection how), in the entry. 
 
 On entering the parlor, Janet and her brothers were seated at 
 the centre-table, in the greatest glee over the amusing gossip they 
 had found in the rich pages of Old Knick, just received by them. 
 Donald, the eldest, was the reader, and explained to Frank the 
 anecdote so far as they had read it and proceeded. The hits 
 were admirable the boys were delighted and boisterous in their 
 mirth, and Janet was gay and happy, but Frank was as grave as 
 any mile-stone. 
 
FRANK STANLY. 337 
 
 " Why, Frank, what is the matter?" said Donald, looking up. 
 " What has happened ? Is the bank broke the steamer lost ? or 
 what is it that has closeted you with father and mother ; and that 
 you can t even smile at the clever gossip of Old Knick ?" 
 
 Frank was very much embarrassed and Donald was really 
 in earnest, lest some dreadful commercial revulsion had reached 
 even his father. 
 
 " No ! Donald," replied Frank, " we were never more success 
 ful no mishap has happened to us or to others that I know of." 
 
 " I m glad of it," said Donald, once more commencing to read 
 aloud. Janet, whose attention was thus called to Frank, looked 
 at him with an earnest look of inquiry, and such was the expres 
 sion of Master Frank s look, that her eyes fell, and her face was 
 suffused with blushes. 
 
 Happily for these lovers, the cry of " fire ! fire !" was heard in 
 the street, and sent off the boys on the jump, leaving Frank and 
 Janet alone. Desperate men take to desperate measures. Frank 
 had no wish to perpetuate his state of doubt and expectancy ; 
 and at once rose, and, seating himself beside Janet, took her hand. 
 She was surprised, but certainly never guessed what was next to 
 be said or done ; her look was one of unconsciousness, of inno 
 cence, and surprise. But when Frank made his declaration, she 
 became extremely nervous, and withdrawing her hand and hiding 
 her face, burst into tears. 
 
 It was not a very promising commencement for Mr. Frank 
 Stanly s hopes, but when one s own heart turns traitor, there s 
 little chance of escape. Frank s language was fervent, and in a 
 tone of utmost truthfulness, and she was too happy to believe him 
 sincere. 
 
 The parents having given Frank ample time, as Mr. Strahan 
 said to his wife, " to settle the affairs of a nation," though never 
 did time seem so short to any one as to Frank, now entered the 
 parlor, and with the air of one perfectly happy, Frank rose and 
 led Janet to her parents, saying, " Dear Janet has consented to be 
 come my wife and I pledge myself to love her with all the full 
 ness of my soul so help me God !" The old gentleman kissed 
 his daughter; and then she was most tenderly embraced by her 
 mother, who led her out of the room, and said to Frank, as she 
 took her daughter s hand, 
 
 " My dear Frank ! I know you to be a man of truth of a 
 tender and affectionate heart; and I am well assured of the hap 
 piness of my dear Janet." 
 
 22 
 
338 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 Scenes at the springs A party, consisting of Col. Worth and family, Mrs. 
 Smith, Mr. De Lisle, arid Mr. Winterbottom,made up for the springs Mrs. 
 Tripp s plan of detaching Mr. Winterbottom Her success Voyage of 
 Mrs. Tripp and Adela under his care Night scene on the Hudson Scenes 
 at the Hotel Flora Goodenough and Jack Musard A sermon at the 
 springs Adela s infallible cure for the colic Her ride with Mr. Winter- 
 bottom Miseries of being rich by Mr. W. The party of Col. Worth ar 
 rives, arid Mr. Winterbottom absconds Mrs. Tripp s plan for his recovery. 
 
 DOCTOR HEREIN, who had great confidence in the restorative 
 influences of society, recommended to Mr. Smith that Mrs. Smith 
 should spend the summer months at the springs. This sug 
 gestion was made when Mr. and Mrs. Worth and Grace, Mr. 
 De Lisle, and Mr. Winterbottom, were present, during an evening 
 call. Mr. Smith expressed his earnest desire to meet the sug 
 gestions of the doctor, "and unless," he said, "I can entrust my 
 wife to some party of friends going to the springs, I must take 
 her with me to France, where I am compelled to go. I have 
 already proposed to do so, but her horror of the ocean seems 
 insuperable." 
 
 Col. Worth addressed Mr. Smith, and said, "He should spend 
 some time in traveling, and would be most happy to add Mrs. 
 Smith to their party." Mr. De Lisle also said, "He, too, had 
 determined to devote the summer to visiting the springs, and in 
 travel, and offered to take charge of Mrs. Smith ;" and so it was 
 agreed, before the evening closed, that Mr. De Lisle should assume 
 the especial care of Mrs. Smith, and Mr. Winterbottom begged 
 to be permitted to make one of the party ; so the party was made 
 up, to the great delight of both Mr. and Mrs. Smith, nor were Mr. 
 De Lisle and Grace less gratified with the arrangement, though 
 their mutual satisfaction was more quietly expressed, and the. 
 evening passed away in discussing their tour of travel. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp soon became possessed of an item of information so 
 important to be known, as that Mr. Winterbottom and the Worths 
 and Mrs. Smith were all to spend some weeks at the springs, and 
 she heard, too, with great satisfaction, that "her set, 11 the Van 
 Dams and Van Tromps, all designed to spend the hot months 
 there. It was of the very first importance to carry Adela to the 
 
ADELA TRIPP. 339 
 
 springs. This was "a fixed fact" in her mind, but a contro 
 verted one in the mind of her husband. He was astonished at 
 the suggestion; said he could not, and would not afford it. Mrs. 
 Tripp had heard all such sayings before. She listened with her 
 accustomed quietness of manner, and which won from casual 
 observers, the high commendation of being a most dutiful wife. 
 But though she could not explain her reasons, nor discover her 
 plans, she knew how to carry them into the widest possible exe 
 cution. 
 
 She satisfied her husband it was absolutely necessary for 
 her own and Adela s health, after a winter s campaign such as 
 they had gone through, to recruit at the springs; that it would be 
 of the first necessity for her to have a parlor and a suite of rooms 
 in one of the cottages; that Adela s piano must be boxed and sent 
 up, and that she must have a carte blanche as to all her expenses. 
 Now all this is very wonderful! but women, some women are 
 thus persuasive. 
 
 While Adela was making all her arrangements for the springs, 
 selecting the most beautiful summer dresses, seeing to the mak 
 ing up of an elegant riding dress and cap, her whole soul filled 
 with these most transcendental and delightful occupations, with 
 Mr. Winterbottom, to be sure, in the distant prospective, (as a sort 
 of back-ground of her picture,) she one day entered the parlor, 
 threw off her bonnet, and was talking of the "sweetest thing she 
 ever saw in her life at ten shillings a yard, down at Hammers- 
 lie s" when her eye caught one of those magical notes, which 
 have little slips of lutestring ribbon attached to the wax. 
 
 "Who can this be?" exclaimed Adela, opening the note. 
 "Heavens! mother, Frank Stanly is married!" 
 
 "I m glad of it ; who has he found to comfort him, Adela?" 
 
 Adela threw down the card, bursting into tears, and hastened 
 into her chamber, and Mrs. Tripp, with all quietness of manner 
 and perfect unconcern, went to the table and picked up the note. 
 
 MR. AND MRS. FRANK STANLY, 
 
 At home on Thursday next. 
 La Grange Place, No. 601. 
 
 "No. 601 La Grange Place !" said Mrs. Tripp to herself. 
 "Why whom can he have married? That s a very fashionable 
 street very good neighborhood, indeed. He may thank me for 
 his good fortune." And Mrs. Tripp really felt that " soul s calm 
 sunshine, and that heartfelt joy" which steals into the soul of one 
 who has conferred some signal favor on a fellow-creature. She 
 went up into Adela s room, and found her in a passion of tears. 
 
 " The last link is broken !" cried Adela. 
 
340 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " Broken ! why, child, you astonish me. I thought it had been 
 broken up for six months past. Have you been trifling with me 
 all this while ?" 
 
 "How trifling with you?" asked Adela. 
 
 " Have you had any kind of intercourse with Frank Stanly 
 since November?" 
 
 " No, mother, I ve not seen him not heard a word from him. 
 Oh, mother, if you had ever loved, you would weep with me, and 
 not reprove me." 
 
 "Weep for what?" said Mrs. Tripp. "That he s made a 
 happy man ? that I have saved you and saved him from a long 
 life of extreme poverty ? I may weep, if I find my daughter, 
 Adela Tripp, after all that has taken place, made miserable by 
 what makes Frank Stanly happy." 
 
 " My dear mother," said Adela, in a pleading tone of distress, 
 "let me weep these last tears. They are the last, and I must be 
 indulged." 
 
 The mother now went down stairs the dinner bell rang. Mr. 
 Tripp asked for Adela, and his wife, with all quietness of tone, 
 said, "Poor Adela is very easily overcome by any exertion. She 
 has been out in the sun this morning, and it has given her a sick 
 headache. I shall be glad when we get to the springs, for I m 
 sure she will never recover her buoyancy of spirits till we do." 
 
 And when Adela appeared at the breakfast table the next 
 morning, Mr. Tripp felt real solicitude for the aspect of lassitude 
 and distress which was to be seen in the air and countenance of 
 his daughter. 
 
 The Thursday came, and Mrs. Tripp and Adela made the wed 
 ding call. The rooms presented groups of happy faces when 
 Adela and her mother entered. An air of joyousness was worn 
 by no one so brightly as by Adela. She kissed the bride, pre 
 sented her congratulations to Frank, and during the few minutes 
 she remained, was eminently felicitous and witty in all she said. 
 Again kissing Janet, and smiling, and playfully holding out her 
 hand to Frank as he handed her to the door, she left the house 
 with her mother. 
 
 Frank looked out of the window as she entered the carriage. 
 He was for an instant most miserable. "And is that the being," 
 he asked himself, "for whom I would have sacrificed life itself? 
 Thank God ! I am loved, and I will deserve the love I have won." 
 With such thoughts he returned to the saloon where his wife re 
 ceived her guests. His heart was lightened of a heavy load, for 
 he had dreaded this interview. At the close of their evening 
 party, as his wife sat beside her mother, Frank took her hand, and 
 
PARTY TO THE SPRINGS. 341 
 
 expressed his gratification that she had so well sustained the 
 fatigue of this severe day of duty to the demands of society. 
 
 "Let me congratulate you too, Frank," said Mrs. Strahan, 
 " that you too have met its trials with so much success." There 
 was a meaning in her eye, but it was an expression of compla 
 cency; for she had watched Frank narrowly, and saw the sad 
 cloud which had invested him during the early part of the day, 
 dispelled with the call of Adela Tripp. " I have had this day," 
 continued the good lady, "new confidence inspired in me in the 
 future happiness of my dear child." 
 
 " She shall be as happy as my love, entire and supreme, can 
 make her." Janet looked up, and smiling, offered her pretty lips 
 to her husband, and, with an earnestness and warmth he had 
 never before been possessed of, he sealed his pledge with a hus 
 band s kiss. We will now leave this new married pair to make 
 the voyage of life, under the auspices of mutual love, respect, and 
 confidence. 
 
 Mr. Winterbottom was especially delighted with the plan of 
 their summer tour. His time hung heavily on his hands, as it 
 does with most men whose only business is to sign their names 
 to stock-books when receiving their dividends, and whose rents 
 are all managed by agents. And when Mrs. Tripp told him, as 
 by accident, that Adela and herself had been talking of spending 
 some weeks at the springs, he expressed his satisfaction, and told 
 her of the delightful party recently made up at Mrs. Smith s, 
 of which Mrs. Tripp apparently heard for the first time. And 
 when Adela told him she had thought of sending up her piano, 
 so that she might not lose her practice, Mr. Winterbottom was 
 earnest in the expression of his hopes that she would do so. 
 
 Mr. Winterbottom was a lover of music, especially the songs of 
 Scotia, and Adela had taken great pains to acquire the accent 
 requisite to sing these airs in perfection. And Mr. Winterbottom 
 had unconsciously assumed the interesting position of a teacher, 
 as well as listener, to this attractive young lady ; and though 
 she hated what she called " these hurdy-gurdy airs," yet, when 
 singing to Mr. Winterbottom, she assumed all the enthusiasm 
 of a Scottish girl, singing the airs of her native hills with a fa 
 cility and beauty, wood-wild, to the great admiration of her au 
 ditor. 
 
 When the time approached, Mrs. Tripp was exceedingly anx 
 ious, as Mr. De Lisle was to take charge of Mrs. Smith, that Mr. 
 Winterbottom should feel himself charged with Adela and herself. 
 To effect this, required a degree of management which was hard 
 to attain. 
 
 Mr. Winterbottom was a difficult subject even for Mrs. Tripp 
 
342 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 to prepare for deglutition, unaided and alone. She dared not trust 
 her husband, who, though he had consented to the trip, to use 
 her own phrase, yet "would not lift his finger" to aid her ulterior 
 plans and purposes, which he, indeed, did the best he could not 
 to see, and so save his pride by seeming perfectly unconscious of 
 them. 
 
 Mr. Winterbottom had lived his life long in the fear of being 
 carried down by a maelstrom, and becoming engulfed by the 
 arts of some designing woman. Every beautiful girl had been to 
 him a Scylla, and every attractive widow a Charybdis, to whom 
 he gave a wide berth. The courtesies of society had all worn the 
 aspect of so many snares set for his unguarded footsteps ; and thus 
 his years had passed, and though frosted by time, he was still 
 in vigorous manhood, and as yet felt no symptoms of old age. 
 Sometimes, too, as he sat alone in his splendid rooms, the thought 
 would steal into his mind that he might have made a mistake in 
 not trusting to the lottery of matrimony, if, indeed, it were a lot 
 tery ; that whatever his wife might have chanced to have been, 
 he should have possessed the unbought caresses of his children. 
 He was, therefore, just at this time, in a state of mind peculiarly 
 favorable for the seductive arts of a heartless woman the only 
 women who will condescend to beguile such men into the toils of 
 marriage ; a fate they well merit, and which inevitably awaits 
 them, sooner or later in life, should they venture to change the 
 cheerlessness of solitude in hope of the sunshine of domestic hap 
 piness. And though they may happen to have little to console 
 them by the change, still there are few of them but thank their 
 stars that by any means they have been induced to make the 
 change for the worst of wives is far better than none. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp, though much perplexed, still believed that this en 
 listing of Mr. Winterbottom could be accomplished. If Mr. Win 
 terbottom should go with Col. Worth s party, a great point would 
 be lost. No! she said to herself, he must be detached from them, 
 if but for a day, and go up with Adela and herself alone. As 
 matters were arranged, Mr. Tripp expected and purposed to go to 
 the springs with them, but Mrs. Tripp had no such design. 
 
 Time rolled on. Mr. Smith had sent one of his clerks to secure 
 a cottage attached to the hotel, and had engaged one for Mr. Tripp 
 at the same time, next to the one to be occupied by the Worth 
 party. Adela s piano had been boxed and forwarded with their 
 extra baggage, and the day but one on which Mrs. Tripp was to 
 leave had arrived. Mrs. Smith and the Worths and Mr. De 
 Lisle were to follow the next week but a week might accomplish 
 much if they had Mr. Winterbottom all to themselves. The Van 
 Dams and Van Tromps were already there, and it would wear a 
 
MRS. TRIPP S MANAGEMENT. 343 
 
 most delightful aspect to reach the springs under the care of Mr. 
 Winterbottom. 
 
 All her projects, and they were numerous, were rejected as 
 fast as created. She found she could not act alone; she must 
 have the aid of some one, and whom could she trust? for she had 
 felt it best that the event, when brought about, should seem even 
 to Adela the result of chance, inasmuch as it would leave her free 
 and unconstrained. 
 
 After much deep thought of the plan, and the accomplice, she 
 fixed upon Josephine, who had a common interest with her in 
 making this journey an effective one. And so it was arranged 
 that Josephine should fall sick the next morning. Accordingly 
 Josephine did not appear at the breakfast-table, and Adela being 
 requested to call her sister, returned with a face full of alarm, and 
 said Josephine was very sick. 
 
 "Is it possible?" exclaimed Mrs. Tripp ;" how unfortunate if 
 we should be delayed by her indisposition !" and rose immediately 
 and went to her daughter s chamber with an anxious, troubled air. 
 She sent word to her husband, " to call on his way down town, and 
 send up Dr. Frank as early as possible." 
 
 Mr. Tripp, who was a very excellent, amiable man, swallowed 
 his coffee in haste, and set off for the doctor. 
 
 When Mr. Tripp returned to dinner, his first inquiry was as 
 to Josephine. Mrs. Tripp said, " the doctor had prescribed a febri 
 fuge, and that he did not deem much the matter with her, and 
 nothing which would detain them in their departure ; but that 
 Josephine had insisted upon not being left alone by both father 
 and mother, and that they should be compelled to go without 
 him." A decision every way gratifying to Mr. Tripp. 
 
 " Who will you get to take charge of us ?" asked Mrs. Tripp. 
 " Indeed I don t know," replied Mr. Tripp. "You are competent 
 to take care of yourselves, and you must take your chances for 
 company." 
 
 " As for that matter," replied the wife, with some tinge of 
 sharpness, " I can do very well without the protection or society 
 of any one. But how will it look for Adela and myself to make 
 our appearance at the hotel unattended by a gentleman ? Who 
 will seat us at the dinner-table on the day of our arrival? If you 
 are so reckless of all these little matters, I am not ; and, Mr. Tripp, 
 I wish you would call on Mr. Winterbottom, and tell him how 
 we are placed, perhaps he would hurry his departure." 
 
 " But why not wait a day or two ?" said Mr. Tripp, annoyed at 
 the request. 
 
 " You know as well as I do, Mr. Tripp," said his dutiful wife, 
 with a tone and look, the power of which she knew from experi- 
 
344 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 ence was irresistible, " that Adela has set her heart upon going 
 to-morrow afternoon. If you won t help us, I believe in my heart 
 she won t go at all, and then all my cost and trouble goes for no 
 thing." 
 
 Mr. Tripp sat silent, with compressed lips, and the conversa 
 tion during the dinner that day was carried on in monosyllables. 
 He saw a storm gathering as he made a movement to go into the 
 little library to smoke his accustomed cigar; and so, to save him 
 self from a scene which he knew must terminate in his doing what 
 he was bid, he took up his hat and cane, and walked over to Mr. 
 Winterbottom s, whom he found smoking a cigar, in his splendid 
 saloon, with a bottle of wine before him, in all the luxury, so it 
 seemed to Mr. Tripp, of solitude. 
 
 " My dear Tripp," said Mr. Winterbottom, rising as he spoke, 
 and advancing towards his visitor, shaking him by the hand, 
 "you have come just in the nick of time. When drinking by 
 one s self, the bottle comes round so rapidly, that I rejoice when 
 a friend comes in to help me. Take a cigar; those are Cordlls, 
 sent me by a friend just from the province of Tobasco, and which 
 rarely find their way out of the country ; try one." 
 
 Mr. Tripp loved a cigar and a glass of good wine, and found 
 himself very comfortable, as he sunk into one of those " sleepy 
 hollows," which the refinements of modern upholstery have intro 
 duced into the houses of the rich. And as they smoked, they 
 talked of the state of the funds, the value of stocks, and all such 
 sleepy topics, drinking all the while, till they grew mellow and 
 companionable. Mr. Tripp rose to take leave, and had reached 
 the door before he recollected for what purpose he came. Then 
 he hesitated, and with some awkwardness of manner, told Mr. 
 Winterbottom how he found himself circumstanced at home, and 
 that he had called to make the inquiry, if perhaps he would be 
 willing to hurry his departure, so as to accompany Mrs. Tripp 
 to-morrow afternoon to the springs. 
 
 * Certainly, my dear friend," said Mr. Winterbottom, with all 
 pleasure. " Wait a moment, and I will go over with you and 
 place the ladies at perfect ease on this score." 
 
 So saying, he left word, if Mr. De Lisle called, to say he had 
 gone over to Mr. Tripp s, and taking his hat and cane, accom 
 panied Mr. Tripp home. The ladies received him with their 
 sweetest smiles. Coffee was served up, and Mr. Winterbottom 
 was just in a state to be pleased, and Miss Adela never wore a 
 more charming aspect. She was greatly delighted with the ar 
 rangement, and sang in her sweetest tones. Mr. Winterbottom 
 grew young again, as he sang with her the old Jacobite songs of 
 
NIGHT SCENE ON THE HUDSON. 345 
 
 his boyhood. At eleven he went home, thinking " what a plea 
 sant family Tripp has got !" 
 
 The next afternoon saw Mrs. Tripp and Adela, and their 
 friend Winterbottom, on board of a splendid steamer, on their way 
 up the noble Hudson. Mrs. Tripp told Adela to stand aside 
 during the daylight, telling her, " at night she should have the 
 deck all to herself." The young lady duly appreciated the sug 
 gestion of her mother, and assumed an air of retiring modesty, so 
 that Mr. Winterbottom found it difficult to draw her out. She 
 allowed herself to be delighted with all the beautiful scenery to 
 which he called her especial attention, and then sunk back again 
 upon her air of reserve, with a grace which, while it was effect 
 ive, was well calculated to lull any lurking suspicions in the mind 
 of one so extremely sensitive as she well knew Mr. Winterbot 
 tom to be. 
 
 In the evening, the moon was bright, and the air warm and 
 soft the hour was late, and few were on deck. Mrs. Tripp left 
 them, as she said, to go for a shawl for herself, and going to her 
 state room, she undressed and laid down to sleep, and to dream of 
 the certainty of the success of her dear Adela. 
 
 Adela now assumed the place assigned her. She was well 
 read in Burns, Byron and Moore, and had prepared herself for 
 the scene and the hour. She quoted all their pretty and appro 
 priate verses with the sweetest facility, and leaning on the arm of 
 Mr. Winterbottom, with just the degree of pressure which made 
 him sensible of the pleasure of sustaining so fair a form, she sung, 
 solto-voce, some sweet airs in which moonlight, and waves, 
 and love were sweetly interchanged. Mr. Winterbottom drank 
 in all the delights which were thus presented to him. 
 
 Adela now declared, " she wondered where ma could be?" and 
 then whispered, " I must now retire and say my prayers," press 
 ing the arm of Mr. Winterbottom with tenderness to her side, as 
 she spoke. He would willingly have detained her, but she said, 
 " it s so late ! I must leave you," and so he led her to the door of 
 her state room, where, in a soft tone, she said, " good-night !" and 
 was about to open the door, when Mr. Winterbottom took Adela s 
 hand. 
 
 It certainly is one of the most awkward positions for a man to 
 place himself in, and I warn my readers against taking a young 
 girl s hand into his own, if he does not know what to do with it. 
 That was just the fix in which Mr. Winterbottom stood, an hour 
 after midnight, in a saloon alone with this fascinating- girl. There 
 it lay, soft and warm, as though it were glued to his own. To 
 kiss it, would have done very well, but not all it seemed to de 
 mand. If a kiss is to be impressed, there are the lips, and it is 
 
346 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 just as well, and far better holding the hand, to make for the lips. 
 In a state of such dubiety, Mr. Winterbottom held the soft hand of 
 Adela, who evidently stood waiting for a demonstration of some 
 sort, and Mr. Winterbottom had the strongest inclination to kiss 
 her there was no one near, and there stood the lovely girl, with 
 her eyes cast down, wearing the most provoking aspect of love 
 liness and innocence ; but his heart misgave him, and pressing 
 her hand, he bowed and retired, not even saying "good-night." 
 
 Mrs. Tripp was awake and wide awake ; and Adela begged 
 her to help her to undress, " for she was all but dead for want of 
 sleep ;" but her mother would not so much as unhook her dress, 
 till she made her go over all the scene in which she had been the 
 actress, and finding everything to encourage and commend, she 
 helped Adela to disrobe, and contentedly sunk to her slumbers. 
 
 As for Winterbottom, the last impression floating on his mind 
 was that Adela was a pious, lovely girl, who said her prayers 
 even on board a steamboat ! Now, this was a very important 
 fact, as he thought, to have discovered. He was orthodox, and 
 had some misgivings as to Adela s religious opinions, though she 
 never expressed any, but then she went with her parents to the 
 Moriah Church, and that was unfortunate. 
 
 The next day, the party arrived at dinner, and a most con 
 spicuous seat opposite the Van Dams and Van Tromps was as 
 signed them. Mrs. Tripp entered the hall after all had been 
 seated, with an air of complacency she did the best she could to 
 suppress ; she witnessed the lighting up of a look of surprise on 
 the faces of her friends with heartfelt pleasure. Adela was per 
 fectly quiet and serene she wore an air of modesty which 
 pleased Mr. Winterbottom, who took his seat between his ladies. 
 The Babylonians passed their congratulations across the table, 
 and Mrs. Tripp undertook to sustain the arduous task of playing 
 the agreeable to their gentleman, leaving Adela to sustain that of 
 a modest young lady who found herself for the first time in her 
 life at the springs; a little piece of intelligence Mrs. Tripp whis 
 pered to Mr. Winterbottom, which, at the same time it explained 
 the air of diffidence Adela had assumed, helped to fix his atten 
 tion on the sweetness, extreme refinement, and delicacy she ex 
 hibited on that trying occasion. 
 
 " On entering the saloon after dinner, Mrs. Tripp took care to 
 relinquish the arm of Mr. Winterbottom, in order to speak with 
 the Van Dam clique, who were stationed in the upper end of the 
 room, to whom she renewed her expressions of pleasure, and told 
 them of the pleasantness of their journey to the springs. 
 
 " Adela, left to herself, as became her, took Mr. Winterbottom s 
 arm, and now conversed with ease ; concentrating her looks and 
 
ADELA TRIPP AT THE SPRINGS. 347 
 
 attention upon Mr. Winter-bottom in a way eminently flattering, 
 and especially so as the admiration of all around them was at 
 tracted to himself and the beautiful girl at his side. Of this admi 
 ration, as became her, she was all unconscious, looking up into 
 his face with a most bewitching innocence and simplicity, as if 
 absorbed by himself and indifferent to all beside, while she leaned 
 on his arm with the air of one who could only sustain herself 
 when supported by him. 
 
 Mr. Winterbottom evinced his pleasure by putting forth all his 
 colloquial powers, and introduced Adela to his numerous friends, 
 who advanced from all quarters of the room, assembled as they 
 were from every city of the Republic, to welcome him. 
 
 If Adela had been married that morning, and was in bridal 
 array, she could not have worn a sweeter bridelike look, nor acted 
 better. The effect was admirable, for while it pleased the vanity 
 of Mr. Winterbottom to witness the universal admiration Adela 
 excited, it was as good as an advertisement of an understood en 
 gagement existing between them ; and in all such matters, it is 
 important to give public opinion a right direction. 
 
 The Van Tromps especially, and the Babylonian ladies up 
 town generally, saw all this with surprise and spleen. 
 
 " Did you ever see such an artful minx as Adela Tripp ?" said 
 Katrine ; " how in the world has she entrapped Winterbottom to 
 parade her here ! and w r hat a fool he is making of himself. 
 
 The Van Dams, to whom this was addressed, answered by a 
 Jaugh. At this moment Adela caught their eyes, and approached 
 with Mr. Winterbottom. 
 
 " My dearest Adela," said Katrine, kissing her, how delight 
 ed we all are to meet you here but where, Mr. Winterbottom, is 
 De Lisle ? I thought you were to come together." 
 
 Adela saved Mr. Winterbottom from discovering how he had 
 been entrapped, as Katrine would have reported it, by saying, 
 for Mr. Winterbottom, that " the Worths and Mrs. Smith had been 
 detained unexpectedly, and Mr. Winterbottom had come on in 
 advance with them to see that all preparation had been made for 
 their reception especially for Mrs. Smith." 
 
 Mr. Winterbottom bowed Katrine was certain the answer 
 was Adela s, and not his, and that an attempt had been made to 
 mystify her ; but she did not press her inquiries further. 
 
 The room was not filled, though a large number were present, 
 and as they stood near the piano, Katrine insisted on Adela s 
 playing, which she firmly but quietly refused. The Van Dams 
 united with Katrine, and Mr. Winterbottom with the Van Dams, 
 but Adela declined, and taking Mr. Winterbottom s arm, bowed 
 and passed on, and walking out of the room upon the verandah, 
 
348 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 Adela with a look of reproach, said, " O ! Mr. Winterbottom, how 
 could you ask me to make such a display of myself before this 
 mixed up throng ? You know I never play, but for those whose 
 kindness enlists all their sympathies in my favor ; and whom I live 
 but to please." 
 
 Mr. Winterbottom saw the delicacy and propriety of her de 
 clining, and expressed his sincere regret for having had so little 
 regard for the difficulty of the task his desire to hear her had at 
 the moment suggested. 
 
 "After supper in our own parlor," said Adela, "you shall see 
 I m not capricious ;" a promise she did not fail to redeem. 
 
 Mr. Winterbottom found the time passing away delightfully. 
 Adela showed herself good at everything; she bowled success 
 fully at nine pins ; rose early, and never detained him a moment 
 in his morning visits to the fountain, leaving her mother, as she 
 said, fast asleep. They rode together every day, and her style of 
 riding was at once graceful and spirited ; with the air of one to 
 whom fatigue was unknown, for she had heard Mr. Winterbot 
 tom express his contempt of women who broke down, after a 
 morning walk, or a ride at noon. 
 
 Everything seemed going on with success, and her eventual 
 triumph sure; but she concealed her confidence under an air of 
 growing dependence on Mr. Winterbottom. Mrs. Tripp, in the 
 meantime, was not idle; she well knew the value of public opin 
 ion, and its important bearing upon such men as Mr. Winterbot 
 tom, and she determined to do her best to create a little every fit 
 ting opportunity. 
 
 " How do you like Adela s dress ?" she said to Mrs. Van Tromp, 
 indicating, by her eye, the spot where Adela stood, leaning on Mr. 
 Winterbottom s arm, conversing with a group of gentlemen ga 
 thered around her. 
 
 " It s pretty enough," was the cold reply of the lady. 
 
 " She wore it last evening, and Mr. Winterbottom was so much 
 pleased with it, that he insisted on seeing her in it to-day at din 
 ner " 
 
 " Indeed !" said Mrs. Van Tromp, opening her eyes, " and does 
 Mr. Winterbottom so soon prescribe to Miss Adela the dresses in 
 which she is to appear? Really, you take me by surprise! Is 
 it an engagement ?" 
 
 " My dear madam, no, indeed !" said Mrs. Tripp, with an air 
 of affected surprise. " You know Mr. Winterbottom has long 
 since relinquished all idea of marrying." 
 
 "He may have done so," said Mrs. Van Tromp ; "but I should 
 not wonder at anything Adela and you might put in his head." 
 
 Mrs. Tripp gave a gay laugh, and tapping her friend with her 
 
FLORA GOODENOTJGH. 349 
 
 fan, said "Oh! how can you be so dreadfully severe?" and 
 passed on to another group, and though Mrs. Tripp did not stop 
 to listen to the many kind things Mrs. Van Tromp found in her 
 heart to say to her, Katrine was at hand, upon whom she ex 
 pended all the amiable expressions of her contempt at the credulity 
 of one who had been proof against the charms of her own elabo 
 rately and most expensively dressed daughters. 
 
 Katrine was a patient listener, and entered heartily into all her 
 mother s feelings, so far as envy was concerned, and would doubt 
 less have made some valuable contributions to the subject of her 
 remarks ; but her attention was at the instant arrested, by seeing 
 Jack Musard enter the saloon, leading in a beautiful girl, whom 
 she knew to be Miss Flora Goodenough, the daughter of a rich 
 pastry cook, of whom she had heard a rumor that Jack, the hand 
 somest man, and the best waltzer in Babylon the man whom she 
 had designed herself to make happy for life, and upon whom she 
 had already bestowed no little pains to please, and of which he 
 could not have been altogether unconscious, had attracted, and 
 was about to marry. 
 
 To be surpassed in the admiration of a man of Jack Musard s 
 fine appearance, by the daughter of a maker of pies, was any 
 thing but gratifying. As Jack was poor, and had just commenced 
 his professional career, Katrine had counted largely on the advan 
 tages an alliance with herself would have given him, in climbing 
 the steep ascents of society and fortune ; and though the rumor 
 had been rife for a week or so before she had left the city, concern 
 ing Jack and Flora Goodenough, she never could believe any at 
 tentions he may have paid the lady, extended beyond a little harm 
 less and unmeaning gallantry. 
 
 But now she found herself a witness of what she was pleased 
 to say to herself, was a most wanton and unprovoked insult. He 
 must have known she was at the springs, and if he was pleased 
 to ally himself to one so far beneath herself, he had no right to 
 make her a spectator of his humiliation, and her own defeat. She 
 would resent it as a personal insult. 
 
 While thus cogitating her wrongs and her revenge, Jack and 
 this lovely girl passed the spot where she was standing, as they 
 followed the crowd of guests, who were promenading in the sa 
 loon, as they are accustomed to do after dinner. And in passing, 
 Jack bowed politely to Katrine, who " cut him dead ;" but he sur 
 vived with a fortitude and calmness almost miraculous. His coun 
 tenance exhibited no change, and the sweet girl had no reason to 
 guess she was passing an ambush, in which lay concealed a tongue 
 which would wound, and heart that could have killed. 
 
 As they walked on, Katrine looked about, to see whom she 
 
350 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 could enlist in the crusade she was determined to commence, 
 when Mrs. Tripp came round in the circle, walking in the rear 
 of Adela and Mr. Winterbottom, curtseying, and smiling, and 
 speaking to all she knew, so that none in all the room with whom 
 she was acquainted, should be unadvised of the presence of her 
 daughter or herself. Should there be any anxious mothers among 
 our readers, whose daughters are hard to dispose of, we commend 
 Mrs. Tripp s method to their special attention. 
 
 Katrine beckoned her to her side, and assuming an air of ex 
 treme concern, told her, as a great secret, and for her especial ad 
 vantage, what she had just observed, and which shocked her be 
 yond all measure to see ; the dreadful and bare-faced depravity 
 exhibited by Jack Musard. 
 
 " In Heaven s name, what is it?" exclaimed Mrs. Tripp. 
 
 " Wait a moment, and I will show. They are coming this 
 way. There, you see him walking next to Mr. Winterbottom 
 and Adela." 
 
 Mrs. Tripp looked with all the eyes in her head. The young 
 lady was graceful in her carriage, beautiful in her face, and the 
 only thing Mrs. Tripp could discover, was a little too much elabo 
 ration of costume. She was finely, rather too richly dressed. 
 
 " Who is she?" asked Mrs. Tripp, in an anxious tone. 
 
 Katrine waited till they had passed, before she whispered in 
 the ear of the petrified Mrs. Tripp 
 
 " She s no better than she should be the daughter of a pastry 
 cook, whom Jack Musard has just brought out." 
 
 The horror which Mrs. Tripp expressed, was every way grati 
 fying, to see such a girl walking in the same room, breathing the 
 same air, and next to her spotless Adela! Her indignation had 
 no words for expression. Katrine carefully wound her up, and 
 then set her agoing. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp, by a happy accident, saw Captain Townly standing 
 alone. He was a friend of Mr. Winterbottom s, and had been 
 formally introduced to her on the day of their arrival, and had 
 called to see her at her rooms. Mr. Winterbottom and the captain 
 had been schoolfellows and had voyaged together, and were the 
 best of friends. It was a matter of some moment to win him over 
 to her side. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp lost no time in speaking to the captain. After a 
 short conversation, conducted in her most agreeable manner, Jack 
 Musard and his mistress, as she was believed to be by Mrs. Tripp, 
 made their appearance again in the wake of her dear Adela and 
 Mr. Winterbottom. And Mrs. Tripp thought it would tell well 
 upon the captain to unbottle a little of her virtuous indignation at 
 the sight. She did so; the captain looked his alarm and surprise; 
 
MRS. TRIPP AND CAPT. TOWNLY. 351 
 
 he asked from whom she had received her information, and 
 to whom she had communicated it. Mrs. Tripp, with some sur 
 prise at the minuteness of these inquiries, replied with all truth 
 fulness. 
 
 The captain led her through one of the windows upon the 
 verandah. So soon as they were alone, he addressed her with a 
 tone of intense severity, and a fierceness of look, which frightened 
 poor Mrs. Tripp before he had uttered a word. 
 
 " Madam," said the captain, " I have been a witness of all the 
 arts which your precious daughter and yourself are playing off 
 on my friend Winterbottom and I have been willing, if it pleased 
 you and him, that he should make a fool of himself, by being 
 trotted out by your daughter, and come at last gently and grace 
 fully into your toils. But when your d d arts reach my niece, 
 you must expect me to carry the war into Africa, and I will soon 
 show you how effectively I will do so." 
 The captain was in a rage. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp was instantly aware of her danger. She truly had 
 " waked up the wrong passenger;" and all her thunder against 
 the vices of the times stopped in mid volley. The captain was 
 turning to leave her, when she held him by the arm, and entreated 
 him " to stop ! to listen ! to believe she had been misled that 
 nothing could give her so much pain as to wound a lovely, grace 
 ful, beautiful girl ;" and she went on at a rapid rate, denouncing 
 Katrine Van Tromp as a most base, malicious and wicked calum 
 niator, and mixing up admiration for Flora s beauty with her 
 hatred of Katrine, she soothed the captain to be in some degree 
 pacified towards herself. 
 
 " I am content, Mrs. Tripp, to let you and yours alone, on one 
 condition," said the captain. 
 
 * Name it, dear Captain Townly. There s nothing. I will not 
 do to make all and every possible reparation." 
 
 " To be candid with you, madam, I don t believe you, when you 
 tell me / am the only person you have addressed on this subject." 
 "Upon my soul, captain," said Mrs. Tripp, with all possible 
 earnestness, "you are. Indeed! indeed you are!" 
 
 "I hope it is so but I doubt it," he replied sternly as ever. 
 " I will take my revenge on you, madam, and soon blow up all 
 your plans of plundering my old friend Winterbottom. By 
 George ! how the dollars of his money-chest would jingle when 
 once your fine fashionable daughter has opened the lid, grabbing 
 the whole, while claiming her thirds." 
 
 The captain gave a laugh of derision, which extended into one 
 of good humor, at the picture he had thus sketched. Mrs. Tripp 
 could have cried, but that would be getting up a scene, which 
 
352 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 might have its undesired spectators. She restrained her emotions, 
 and insisted on leading the captain to her parlor, where she wept 
 freely, and begged him not to punish her daughter for her indis 
 cretion. She now took the cause of self-condemnation, as most 
 likely to affect a generous nature, and the captain, whom entrea 
 ties could not move, was softened by her tears. 
 
 " Dear Captain Townly, you said there was one condition on 
 which my folly and wickedness could be forgiven prescribe the 
 condition ; I am ready to do everything and anything to show you 
 the sincerity of my sorrow, and my earnest desire to do justice to 
 your niece." 
 
 " Well, madam," said the captain, after thinking awhile, " I 
 will bury the hatchet on these conditions. To-morrow, after 
 dinner, I shall present to you my niece, and you must act as her 
 chaperon for an hour in the drawing-room, and whenever she ap 
 pears, you must pay to her marked attentions. Do you under 
 stand me, madam? And Adela must unite with you in these 
 attentions to my niece, so far as to be seen speaking with her." 
 
 " Perfectly, captain ; and I will truly and fully comply ; but 
 may I ask, why is Adela included?" 
 
 " Do you think, madam," said the captain, with a tone expres 
 sive of the utmost contempt, " I have any wish rny niece shall be 
 known to you or your daughter? Not at all, madam, but as you 
 have mixed yourself up with her reputation, you shall do what I 
 deem best in refuting your own slanders in the presence of the 
 residents here. Are you content?" 
 
 " I am content," replied Mrs. Tripp, in a tone of unaffected 
 humility. The captain bowed himself out of the room, saying, 
 "Good-day, madam ! We will meet again in the saloon." 
 
 Now, though Mrs. Tripp had a thousand thoughts chasing 
 through her mind, most mortifying and painful, yet there was, 
 like the box of Pandora, hope at the bottom. The interesting 
 picture of Adela, with her elbows hid in dollars, dwelt upon her 
 mind, and she dried up her tears when she thought of it, but still 
 she had her misgivings, lest, after all, the captain should first 
 humiliate her and then break his pledge. If he did, all the beau 
 tiful visions of hope would die down to sheer despair. Yet what 
 was to be done? Conceal in her own bosom all that had trans 
 pired ! She determined to do so, and to nurse her wrath for Katrine 
 Van Tromp; and promised herself it should be piping-hot, when 
 the time for its administration should come. Adela must be hood 
 winked; that she could readily accomplish. The sneers of the 
 Van Tromps, and the Van Dams and their set, she must submit 
 to. Anything but a rupture with Townly, and the destruction of 
 her plans. " Success," she said to herself, " will repay all." Yes, 
 
ADELA TRIPP S CURE FOR THE COLIC. 353 
 
 Adela should make a strict inquest of those "thirds" of which 
 Captain Townly spoke. And so Mrs. Tripp bathed her eyes in 
 some diluted Cologne to take out the inflammation, meaning to re 
 turn to the saloon, when Adela came in hurriedly, and addressed 
 her in a tone of reproach. 
 
 " What has become of you, mother ? I have been wearied to 
 death with all I have had to go through this day; and now 
 have been walking for two whole hours with Mr. Winterbottom, 
 and am all ready to sink into the floor. Up at fi ve in the morning ; 
 walking about the spring till seven ; riding twenty miles out, and 
 back at noon; and now two mortal hours in the saloon ; if matters 
 don t hasten to a conclusion soon, I m killed up, and I can t and 
 won t endure such a severe course of training, mother; and you 
 know I asked you to take Mr. Winterbottom off my hands after 
 dinner, that I might get some sleep" and giving a heavy sigh, 
 she threw herself at full length on the sofa. 
 
 Her mother exclaimed "Adela Tripp, what are you doing? 
 laying down in that costly new dress!" 
 
 " Help me, then, to get rid of it !" cried Adela, exhausted of her 
 patience and temper and strength all at once. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp, acting as maid, helped Adela to shed her dress, and 
 unlaced her stays, when she threw herself on the bed, and in a 
 moment was fast asleep. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp wondered at her facility at sleeping. "Ah!" 
 thought she, " if she knew the anxieties of a mother s heart, she 
 would not find it so easy thus to go from the saloon to the sleep of 
 childhood." 
 
 Mrs. Tripp, doubtless, did believe herself to be a pattern wo 
 man. She set up for one, and certainly is not the first person 
 who has deceived herself. 
 
 While Adela slept, Mrs. Tripp made ready to receive Mr. Win 
 terbottom, and whoever else might chance to call in at her parlor 
 during the evening. Mr. Winterbottom, from not knowing what 
 to do with himself, was sure to come, and as for all the rest, it 
 would have pleased her if they could have suited themselves else 
 where. She was not therefore surprised to see Mr. Winterbottom 
 come in about eight o clock. Mrs. Tripp did the best she could 
 to supply the place of Adela. The provoking girl slept on, reck 
 less of all the precious time she was losing, and her mother was 
 compelled to apologize for her absence. 
 
 " Adela has gone in to see a lady who has been seized with a 
 severe colic, and Adela, dear girl, has been heating some brandy, 
 and has just gone in with it to see if some such means might not 
 help her." 
 
 " Brandy s excellent !" cried Mr. W^interbottom, " and hot 
 23 
 
354 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 brandy the best thing in the world. It don t matter how it is ap 
 plied, inside or out, in such a case. Really, Adela, clever as she 
 is, is more clever than I had supposed." 
 
 " Ah ! Mr. Winterbotlom," said Mrs. Tripp, in a sort of rapture, 
 " if you only knew her ! but she s a timid child, and needs some 
 one always at hand upon whom she can lean; her tenderness 
 will, I fear, cause her a great deal of sorrow. This world is not a 
 place for mimosas, and I tell Adela so ; but she says she can t 
 help it ; if she suffers, she must suffer. Her nature is to feel 
 deeply, and to love fondly, and she can t help it she must do so." 
 
 " She s a sweet good girl," replied Mr. Winterbottom, with an 
 emphasis, which sounded most musical to the ear of dear Mrs. 
 Tripp. 
 
 Before Mrs. Tripp could gain a moment s time, so intensely in 
 terested had she become in this conversation, which continued for 
 some time, and so absorbed had been the attention of Mr. Winter- 
 bottom, that she had no time to go into Adela s room, and tell her 
 about the sick lady with the colic and the hot brandy applications, 
 when Adela appeared in the room. 
 
 Mr. Winterbottom rose with kindness, and taking her hand, with 
 great cordiality of manner, asked " How does the hot brandy suit 
 the case? have you applied it inwardly or outwardly?" smiling as 
 he put the question to the astonished girl. 
 
 Adela s confusion was real and very pretty. She looked in 
 quiringly at her mother, and her dear mother was at her hand. 
 
 " My dear Adela, I ve been telling Mr. Winterbottom of your 
 visit to our sick neighbor, who has been taken with a colic after 
 dinner, and how you warmed some hot brandy and carried it to 
 her, hoping it might relieve her. And Mr. Winterbottom is de 
 lighted, and says it is the best of all remedies." 
 
 " Upon my soul I do, Miss Adela," said Mr. Winterbottom 
 heartily, " for I ve been troubled with colic, and I never found it 
 to fail. How came you to think of it?" 
 
 Adela looked down with a most bashful air, as one unexpectedly 
 discovered in an act of benevolence, and who blushed to hear it 
 praised. "When I was a school girl, I visited an old lady who 
 was very sick, and she begged me to heat some brandy, and also 
 flannels, and apply them, dipped in the brandy, hot to the stomach, 
 and which happily gave her ease after a short time ; and so it 
 occurred to me it might be useful in this lady s attack." And 
 looking to her mother, she continued: "she was greatly obliged 
 to you, mother, for the heated brandy, and I doubt not to-morrow, 
 she will be perfectly well again." So having perpetrated all these 
 lies with an air of the utmost amiability, she took her seat on the 
 sofa beside Mr. Winterbottom, who gazed upon her with increas- 
 
SERMON AT THE SPRINGS. 355 
 
 ing admiration, and their stream of conversation flowed on as free 
 and as full, as if they had not for the last five days been almost 
 constantly in each other s society. Mr. Winterbottom s utmost 
 wishes were gratified with Scotch songs, and he listened with plea 
 sure to a few operatic gems which Adela played to give variety to 
 the music. As he rose at a late hour to go, he invited them to 
 attend church the next day, and asked "where shall we go?" 
 Neither of the ladies had any choice at first, but Adela thought 
 she should like to go to the Presbyterian Church, which, as it was 
 his own, \vas certainly every way pleasing to him. 
 
 When Mr. Winterbottom s step had ceased to be heard, Mrs. 
 Tripp embraced Adela, and was for the instant really mirthful. 
 
 "My dear Adela, you ought to have been an actress." Adela 
 was not so well pleased as her mother, and replied, 
 
 "I beg you will not draw upon my powers of personating a cha 
 racter on the instant, and without so much as a clue to the part to 
 be performed." 
 
 "Clue, child! and did I not tell you the whole story?" replied 
 Mrs. Tripp. 
 
 But Adela insisted it was exceedingly hazardous, and not to be 
 repeated. 
 
 It was a Sabbath, indeed, to Mrs. Tripp; for the usual meeting 
 of the guests was omitted, and she had one day of grace. On 
 their way to church, they met Mrs. Van Dam and Mrs. Van 
 Tromp, and daughters, all so prettily dressed, holding in a most 
 conspicuous mariner, their velvet-covered and golden-clasped 
 prayer-books; gayly conversing with the gentlemen in white vests 
 and gloves, who accompanied them; and though it was Sunday, 
 Mrs. Tripp could have looked daggers-drawn at Katrine Van 
 Tromp but she didn t, for she had settled it in her mind it 
 would be very unwise to do so; so, bowing very graciously, she 
 let her pass, though Katrine s eye said as plainly as words could 
 have spoken it, "How well you manage matters." 
 
 At church it was truly edifying to see how devout Adela de 
 meaned herself. She sung out of the same hymn book with Mr. 
 Winterbottom, and her sweet tones blended charmingly, (so 
 thought Mr. Winterbottom,) with Mr. W. s ground-tenor. The 
 text was "Remember Lot s wife." It was all Adela heard, for 
 the last word set her fancy off at a canter, and she never reined 
 up till it was all over. Not so Mr. Winterbottom and Mrs. 
 Tripp: they listened to the most fearful description of all the inci 
 dents connected with the Scripture history, which, from the ex 
 treme minuteness of detail into which the preacher entered, one 
 would have thought his hearers had never heard of it before. He 
 commenced with the calling of Abraham, the selection of the plains 
 
356 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 of Sodom and Gomorrah, the dangers of wealth in the fostering of 
 all the corrupt tendencies of our nature, the arrival of the an 
 gels, and slightly touched upon the strange expedient Lot took to 
 save his guests; described, in the most picturesque language, the 
 rising of the sun, the stillness of the hour, the hush of expectancy 
 in ail nature, and the security of the sleeping, sensual Sodomites; 
 the flight of Lot and his daughters, the reluctance of Mrs. Lot; 
 proposed several strange but very natural thoughts which might 
 have arisen in a lady s mind, on leaving home so early in the 
 morning before making her toilet, and so, having diluted down the 
 stern simple narrative of the Holy Scriptures to the weakest pos 
 sible solution, and consuming the first forty minutes of the sermon, 
 he made a "forcible-feeble" appeal to the consciences of the very 
 well dressed fashionable audience he had the honor to address. 
 
 To Mrs. Tripp the sermon had the charm of a Waverley novel; 
 she had, to be sure, some idea floating in her mind that Sodom 
 had been burnt up, but the style of preaching was entirely new 
 to her. Not so to Mr. Winterbottom; he was accustomed to such 
 preaching, and though familiar, it was not the Jess interesting to 
 him. 
 
 It is pleasant to witness the aspect of a congregation up-town 
 listening to discourses of this sort. To men who live surrounded 
 by all the luxuries of life, the preacher tells of the danger of 
 riches, and they listen with a zest which poor wretches have lit 
 tle conception of. And as these dangers are developed in all 
 their living realities, there they sit, and lay the "flattering unc 
 tion to their souls," as they think how successfully they have re 
 sisted and overcome all these temptations, and they "thank God, 
 and take courage," in the full assurance of faith, that, having met 
 and surmounted the fearful trials of life, they shall pass unscathed 
 the fiery ordeal of a future judgment. 
 
 "How did you like the sermon, ladies?" inquired Mr. Winter- 
 bottom, addressing himself, however, to Adela, who was for an 
 instant puzzled how to reply; but her watchful mother at once 
 replied, "My dear Mr. Winterbottom, I was delighted. 1 never 
 heard a more interesting discourse. It was so impressive and so 
 beautifully descriptive." 
 
 "It was, indeed," said Miss Adela. "Do you know, mother, 
 who that lady was in the pink bonnet and lace veil, that sat op 
 posite us?" asked Adela, to change the topic, and she was suc 
 cessful, for the topic of who was who, was sustained till they 
 reached the hotel and took leave of Mr. Winterbottom; when 
 Adela had an opportunity of being "posted-up" as to the sermon. 
 The afternoon was devoted to sleep, which was required by both 
 these ladies, and the evening to a walk to the spring. Adela had 
 
SUNDAY EVENING AT MRS. TRIPP s. 357 
 
 an opportunity in the evening to show off her piety and her per 
 fect recollection of the sermon. Mr. Winterbottom was pleased 
 to find Adela so docile and teachable in his religious sentiments. 
 He told her how the Presbyterian church was constituted how 
 the ministers were ordained how the ruling elders were elected 
 and set apart of the duties of the session of the order of church 
 government of the presbyteries, and the appellate power of 
 churches to presbyteries from presbyteries to synods and from 
 synods to general assemblies; and all such like sacred and devo 
 tional subjects were explained and commented on in a very pious 
 manner, and Mr. Winterbottom, when he went to sleep, felt he 
 had spent the day in a very proper manner; just as if there 
 was any religion in all this. 
 
 Now while they were so occupied, Mrs. Tripp was reading a 
 work much more to her taste. It was Rousseau s Confessions, and 
 finding a passage which seemed to her important, she folded 
 down the leaf and left it in a very conspicuous place on Adela s 
 table. The passage was that in which Rousseau tells of his jour 
 ney with a very lovely lady, in whom he had unconsciously 
 awakened a tender passion, but such was his extreme modesty, 
 that none of the methods adopted by her to possess him of the 
 fact, being successful, during a solitary walk with him in the 
 country, she overcame all obstacles with complete success, by 
 throwing her arms around his neck, and kissing him. 
 
 The book lay unnoticed by Adela till the next morning, when 
 she was making her toilet for breakfast. She read the pas 
 sage, and with flashing eyes went into .her mother s room, and 
 asked her for what purpose she had folded down that page. 
 "Do you think, mother, it would be best for me to throw my 
 arms round Mr. Winterbottom s neck? Was that your thought?" 
 
 " Certainly not, my dear," replied her mother with the utmost 
 quietness of manner. "You are to ride out with Mr. W T interbot- 
 tom this morning, and I thought you would perhaps see in the 
 conduct of this lady the favorable positions which a woodland walk 
 might afford for the inception, if not expression, of tender emo 
 tions." 
 
 " If you suppose I shall compromit myself, in any unmaidenly 
 manner, to win Mr. Winterbottom, you are mistaken, mother. If 
 he marries me, he shall have the comfort to believe he inspired 
 love in me, and was not carried by force of arms as this lady 
 captured Monsieur Rousseau. If I am to live with Mr. Winter- 
 bottom, I shall need his respect, and no certainty of success could 
 induce me to act so as to lose it." 
 
 "All very proper, my dear Adela," replied Mrs. Tripp; "you 
 speak like a book. But I ll tell you, child, you feel the necessity 
 
358 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 of bringing matters to a close ; you see the usual methods are not 
 effective; now you must seek some new scenes, which will give 
 rise to new topics, and present to his mind, in contrast with his 
 position, the pleasures of affection and the images of domestic life. 
 These may bring him out. And I recommend you to think seri 
 ously of what I say." 
 
 The day was bright and beautiful. And Mr. Winterbottom 
 and Adela were in the saddle by ten o clock. She looked sweetly, 
 and her horse was in fine prancing mood. Adela had the plea 
 sure of receiving the admiring gaze of the well-dressed crowd, 
 who thronged on the verandah to see them off, and witnessed the 
 envious looks of Katrine and all the other Tromps, old and 
 young, not forgetting the Van Dams. Mrs. Tripp went about 
 among them, saying to one and another "Doesn t Adela look 
 well? Isn t that a beautiful riding cap ?" Meanwhile Mr. Win 
 terbottom was engaged in the very delicate and delightful task of 
 arranging the folds of Adela s riding-dress. "Good-by, love. 
 Good-day, Mr. Winterbottom," cried Mrs. Tripp, as they rode 
 away at a rapid pace. 
 
 Though Adela was so indignant in the morning at her mo 
 ther s suggestion, yet it rested upon her mind, and after riding a 
 couple of hours, they came to where the road Jay along a beautiful 
 lake, through a grove of trees, which afforded a deep shade, and 
 Adela proposed to Mr. Winterbottom, that they should dismount 
 and walk awhile in the wood, where the sward was as fresh and 
 as level as a Turkey carpet. Mr. Winterbottom was pleased 
 with the plan, and hastened to dismount and fasten his horse to 
 the boughs of the trees, which swept down so low as to be readily 
 reached. 
 
 This done, he came to the side of Adela, who threw herself 
 from her saddle into his arms with the most delightful abandon 
 ment. Mr. Winterbottom felt the pressure on his breast for an 
 instant, and Adela shaking out the folds of her dress, took up the 
 train and threw it over her arm, whence it fell in graceful folds, 
 revealing her spotless petticoat, and an ankle very neat, and pret 
 tily set on to a foot well suited to be a modele in a studio. All 
 this was noticed by Mr. W T interbottom as he tied Adela s bridle to 
 the boughs of a tree. 
 
 Coming up to Adela, Mr. Winterbottom offered his arm, which, 
 with a blush of modesty and a look of tenderness, she took. What 
 there was to call it forth did not so readily occur to him, but still 
 it was so attractive, that he could not but look into the face of 
 Adela, and again it was renewed, and her eyes fell to the ground. 
 They now walked on in silence, when Mr. Winterbottom, gather 
 ing up his thoughts, and seeing a picturesque cottage, hid among 
 
MISERIES OF BEING RICH. 359 
 
 embowering trees, surrounded by a white paling, wearing all the 
 attractions of taste and refinement, pointed it out to Adela. 
 
 "O, is it not sweet!" exclaimed Adela. " And how much of 
 happiness, and serenity and peace seems hid in that sweet cot 
 tage ! How few who are living in our thronged city are able to 
 estimate all the freshness and purity of such a home! and yet, 
 perhaps, the inmates of that happy home may have looked with 
 admiration, and even of envy upon the possessions of those whose 
 homes are the palaces of Babylon. Such is life!" and Adela, whose 
 tones had become sweetly sad as she proceeded, here stopped 
 and sighed. 
 
 "Ah! my dear Miss Adela," said Mr. Winterbottom, "few 
 people know anything of the miseries of those who are wealthy. 
 They see us living in fine houses, and rolling past them in splendid 
 carriages, and they say there s a happy man! They can t see 
 beyond the outside of things. They know nothing of the anxieties 
 which reach us through a thousand avenues : does the fire-bell 
 toll ? they have no anxiety lest the flames should be converting 
 their fortunes into smoke do they read of hurricanes and storms 
 at sea? they have neither ships, nor stocks to be engulfed in the 
 ocean. They hear of vast commercial embarrassments, but have 
 no inquietudes how they may be affected by them. I assure you, 
 Miss Adela, I am never certain whether my income, in any one 
 year of my life, is to be ten thousand or two hundred and fifty 
 thousand; and yet, everybody sets me down at the highest sum. 
 Nor is this all ; my servant puts upon my breakfast-table a heap of 
 letters received by the morning s mail, t say to myself well, 
 they shall wait till I finish my coffee; but usually I have a reason 
 to read some particular letter upon a subject of instant importance, 
 and so I am induced to glance my eye over the superscriptions, and 
 not exactly knowing which it may be, I select one at a venture. I 
 open it, it is from a lady she has lost her husband, he was her 
 all ; on his industry, her hopes, and on his life, all her happiness 
 was centered ; he is in the grave. She has three young children, 
 and a baby four months old. God has made her happy home as 
 dark as the tomb. She owes me seven hundred dollars for the 
 rent of her house. She proposes I shall take her furniture for 
 pay, and hire it to her, and she will strive to support herself and 
 family by keeping boarders; and begs me to avert the stern re 
 quirements of my business man, who insists on her removal. 
 And while the warm tears are running down my cheeks, my 
 coffee is getting cold. . Then I have to endorse in pencil to my 
 agent to cancel the debt, and give her six months rent free; this 
 done, I order a fresh cup of coffee, and make another venture. I 
 open a letter; it is written in a beautiful hand by a fine boy whose 
 
360 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 parents are dead, and he says he must leave school and go to 
 work, and wants employment. Offers to drive a cart, or a car 
 riage, to work in the house or out of it; but he must work or beg, 
 and so he selects me of all the people of Babylon, to set him to 
 work. Now here s a subject for a half-hour s thinking: what 
 must be done for him? or, perhaps, as was the case the day 
 I left, a girl writes me her mother is dying, and she can t buy 
 even the medicine necessary to mitigate her sufferings. The letter 
 takes me ten minutes to decipher here, then, was a case that de 
 manded instant attention. John must be called, and then twas 
 found the girl had forgotten to give her number; that must be 
 found from the Directory ; and he sent off with money and a basket 
 of eatables, and before I could set down again to my table, the 
 beefsteak was cold, and so ends my breakfast. 
 
 " Well, then, Miss Adela, I commence the task of reading my 
 letters. Some I find full of excellent advice, gentle hints, how I 
 can do a vast deal of good; others again complaining that their 
 rent is too high; some saying my agent had promised improve 
 ments and alterations, never yet made ; and before I get through 
 all these details of trials and sorrows, in walks a gentleman in. 
 black who hands me a letter of introduction. He is the agent of 
 some society which has for its object the conversion of the Jews, 
 the civilization of Africa, or the illumination of the world, and I 
 have to listen to him. He tells me a long story of the vast fields 
 of usefulness opening to their society; the necessity of instant and 
 vigorous exertions ; the Catholics are already in the field ; and after 
 working up my nerves to their extremest tension, he digresses into 
 the responsibilities of men of wealth; their being the stewards of 
 God s mercies, to be held to a strict account for every dollar they 
 spend ; and woe, woe to the man whose gold is rusting, while souls 
 are going to perdition; and then he comes to the last grand de 
 monstration, money money. In the utmost alarm,! ask him if 
 all I am worth will be a drop in the bucket, and he tells me, * ten 
 thousand dollars will free my skirts of the dreadful responsibility 
 under which I Jive. So grateful to have my house left over my 
 head, I give him a check for the money, and he takes his leave. 
 Then, too, I have most eloquent appeals to aid young men to 
 establish themselves in business, or, what I hate most of all, the 
 most terrible heart-rending appeals, to lend my name for only 
 sixty days to save some friend Whom I never saw a dozen times 
 in my life, (except it was at parties I was compelled to go to, 
 given by them at vast expense; and whom I supposed to be mil 
 lionaires,) and whose innocent and lovely wife and children, all 
 unconscious of impending destruction, will be saved from ruin and 
 inconceivable misery, by my compliance ; and all this without the 
 
361 
 
 slightest risk to myself and in conclusion, they tell me the re 
 collections of their ruined family must haunt my pillow, if I refuse 
 to lend a helping hand to a sinking brother in his hour of anguish. 
 Now only think of it, dear Miss Adela, to go to bed with such 
 frightful pictures of distress dancing on the curtains of my bed 
 like so many spectres, to say nothing of being bored to death to 
 subscribe for stocks for roads and canals highly necessary to the 
 welfare of our city, and all important to the interests of our pos 
 terity, Miss Adela." 
 
 Here Miss Adela looked at Mr. Winterbottom with a gaze of 
 tenderness, but he was too full of his subject just then to appre 
 ciate it, and so she let her eyes fall to the ground. 
 
 " Such, dear Miss Tripp, are a few of the miseries of moneyed 
 men. I can t tell you how often I am deprived of all relish 
 for my dinner, by tales of the most loathsome wretchedness, 
 which God knows I would relieve at the sacrifice of my life, if I 
 could do so; and this is not the life of a day, but from one year s 
 end to the other. Well ! I meet all these demands as best I may. 
 I often wish I had been born a beggar, for then sometimes I should 
 be happy. Ah ! if a man wants to be miserable, let him be 
 rich." 
 
 Adela, finding Mr. Winterbottom fairly out of breath, now found 
 her tongue, and spoke of the pleasures of a country life, its freedom 
 from the cares and turmoils of the city its healthful occupations, 
 and its sweet repose. 
 
 " Alas !" she said, in her sweetest tones, and they were beauti 
 fully soft and clear, " how little are those ladies to be envied, who 
 are surrounded by the splendor of a city which brings with it 
 so much anxiety, where you are not sure that the friends who fill 
 your parlors, are not, at the moment, making you the victim of 
 their sneers, or, perhaps, their scandal; where the seclusion of 
 home is liable to a thousand interruptions, which the conventional 
 laws of fashionable life require to be conformed to, and which we 
 must endure. And how often does the possession of wealth 
 sever hearts who would be bound to each other with the strong 
 ties of Jove, if poverty had but shown them how dear they could 
 by any means be made to each other. Tis the poor who rely 
 with confidence on each other. They bear their mutual sorrows, 
 and share their mutual joys. The hour of assembling their little 
 circle is the reward of all their toils. Ah! how happy are those 
 who are possessed of a cottage so sweet as the one we have just 
 passed who are strong in each other s affections, and who need 
 no other ties than those which love confers." 
 
 Mr. Winterbottom listened with delight, as men always do, 
 when listening to a pretty girl discoursing her sweet sentimenlali- 
 
362 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 ties. Adela sighed. Mr. Winter-bottom looked into Adela s face; 
 he caught her eye beaming upon him with the fullest and fondest 
 expression of love which she could command, and he felt his arm 
 pressed closely to her side ; her eyes again fell in sweet confu 
 sion. 
 
 "Ah!" said Mr. Winterbottom, unconsciously aloud, "it is too 
 late !" and then relapsed into a brown study, in which he saw 
 Adela sitting in a lovely dressing gown, her hair in sweet disorder 
 hanging over her shoulders, and a beautiful baby in her Jap, to 
 whom she was in the act of revealing a bosom of spotless purity, 
 whose little hands were tearing away impatiently the muslin 
 folds which confined, but did not conceal the mother s breast. 
 It was a sweet vision of hope and blessedness. 
 
 Adela, not being able to divine his thoughts, and fearing lest 
 they might be straying away from the subject under considera 
 tion, now said, in a tone yet more tender, and with a sweet confu 
 sion of voice and manner 
 
 " How can you say so, dear Mr. Winterbottom?" 
 
 Nobody can tell what he would have said, or where this would 
 have ended, had not Captain Townly came suddenly upon them, 
 climbing over a fence near by, with a gun on his shoulder, and 
 game in his hands. 
 
 " How are you, Winterbottom ! Good day, Miss Tripp!" said 
 the captain. " What has brought you here ?" 
 
 This was a staggering question to Winterbottom, which at once 
 opened to view, as if by magic, the bottomless abyss upon whose 
 brink he stood. Adela saw his confusion, and said in a quiet 
 even tone, " that they had been riding, and as the sun was ex 
 cessively bright, they had dismounted to walk a little while on 
 this beautiful green sward." She saw the charm was over, the 
 spell broken, at least for the present, and with fine tact at once 
 told the captain she must be permitted to take his arm, and Mr. 
 Winterbottom should take his gun, and she was sure Mr. Winter- 
 bottom would be most happy of the exchange, and she should 
 secure two attendants instead of one; and so she rattled on with 
 great joyousness of manner, and gradually Mr. Winterbottom re 
 gained his self-possession, and was able to talk with the captain. 
 
 On reaching their horses, Adela insisted that Captain Townly 
 should reseat her, and she allowed herself to be lifted by him into 
 the saddle, laughing at the captain for looking red in the face 
 from having made so great an effort, and all being ready, she put 
 the whip to her horse, crying, "Good day, captain," in a gay tone, 
 and rode off. 
 
 The captain stood admiring her, " Well, let her have him!" 
 he exclaimed, when they were out of hearing. " She s a fine 
 
ADELA AND CAPTAIN TOWNLY. 363 
 
 girl, though she s the child of her mother, and a thousand times 
 too good for him." 
 
 Adela rode her horse at the top of his speed, and so saved her 
 self from any further conversation with Mr. Winterbottom. On 
 reaching her mother s room, she threw off her riding cap, and 
 then gave way to a flood of tears. Mrs. Tripp looked on with 
 astonishment. She had seen Adela ride up with an air of hilarity 
 which delighted her, and had hoped to have heard the most joy 
 ous tidings of success from Adela, whom she now found speech 
 less from tears and sobs. 
 
 "It is all, all over, mother!" cried Adela, sobbing passionately. 
 
 "My dear child," said Mrs. Tripp, folding her arms around 
 Adela, and laying her head on her shoulder, " tell me all that has 
 happened." 
 
 Adela had her cry out, and then wiped away her tears, and 
 told all that had occurred with that remarkable precision and mi 
 nuteness of detail which are peculiar to young ladies when they 
 fully set about giving their confidence on such subjects. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp was in deep dismay at the untoward turn matters 
 had taken. Adela said, in a passionate tone to her mother 
 
 " Had Captain Townly been shooting anywhere else, or what 
 would have been just as much to my taste, had he been shot any 
 where else, the whole matter would have been settled. A decla 
 ration of some sort would have been made ; I should of course have 
 been deeply moved, and felt like fainting. Mr. Winterbottom 
 would have been compelled, indeed he must have put his arms 
 around rny waist. I could then have swooned away, and he would 
 have gently laid me on the grass; after giving him all the time 
 requisite, I would have opened my eyes, and it would have been 
 the most natural thing for him to have kissed me then, if he had 
 not done so before, and then I could, consistently with my notions 
 of propriety, have thrown my arms round his neck, hid my face 
 in his bosom, and the whole affair would have been ended." 
 
 " Yes," said her mother, * no doubt, dear Adela, and all that 
 was to follow would have been a mere matter of pastime and parade 
 duty. the battle would have been fought, the victory won and 
 in one week you would have been ready to have gone back to 
 Babylon." 
 
 "But now," said Adela, "it s all over, and never can be brought 
 on again I tell you, mother, it is all over!" 
 
 Such was the course of their conversation, and such the ultimate 
 convictions of the daughter. Mrs. Tripp, though she had more 
 cause than Adela to fear such a result, calmed her daughter, 
 assuring her that, so far from being all over, Mr. Winterbottom 
 would probably regret the appearance of Capt. Townly more than 
 
364 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 she could do; but that it was certainly important that they should 
 change their plans to meet the unforeseen aspects the case now 
 wore. 
 
 " I hate the sight of that man Townly," said Adela, with the 
 bitterness of grief. 
 
 " Dear Adela," replied the mother, "remember he is the friend 
 of Mr. Winterbottom, and he can help us. He has a very pretty 
 niece here, whom you must speak to. These men are very much 
 influenced by their friends, and I particularly wish you would 
 make yourself agreeable to Capt. Townly and Miss Flora Good- 
 enough, his niece. Tact, my child, tact is everything! you have 
 shown me that you are the mistress of yourself! I assure you 
 that is one of the greatest of all attainments for a young lady to 
 make. I believed you were possessed of it, but now, Adela, I 
 know it; and, let me tell you, there are few who attain to it." 
 
 Adela was soothed. " Mother, I am weary and worn out 
 must rest excuse me at dinner as best you may. Say I ve a 
 sick headache ; no, that won t do; I prefer it should be the colic, 
 to that Mr. Winterbottom must not know I ve a headache. Say 
 anything, mother, but I can t go down to dinner, and can t and 
 won t be seen till after supper." So her mother undressed her, 
 and left her to sleep away her griefs. Sweet sleep, that freshens 
 up even the aged, now came, and Adela wore a placid, calm, and 
 lovely aspect the very picture of innocence as she lay sleeping ; 
 and, could Mr. Winterbottom have looked in upon her, all the 
 dark surmises of his brain would have been dissipated, and the 
 only wonder would have been how the accidents of wealth and 
 society could have offered inducements so great as to make him 
 worthy of Adela s acceptance. At dinner, Mrs. Tripp found Mr. 
 Winterbottom more sedate and reserved than usual. He asked 
 for Adela, and when Mrs. Tripp made her excuse, he was silent, 
 and Mrs. Tripp turned the current of his thoughts by speaking of 
 some on-dits of the day she had gathered from the newspapers 
 received while they were away. A dreadful shipwreck helped 
 out the dessert, and as they rose from dinner, Mr. Winterbottom 
 led Mrs. Tripp to the drawing-room, and bowing, retired. 
 
 The crisis of affairs with Captain Townly had now arrived. 
 He had followed Mrs. Tripp into the saloon, and bringing up his 
 niece, introduced her to Mrs. Tripp, who received her in the most 
 affable manner, and, taking her arm, asked leave to go round the 
 room with her. They fell into the throng of those who were pro 
 menading, and Mrs. Tripp kept Miss Flora in a constant play of 
 conversation. There was no lack for food for her wit and fancy. 
 
 "Look! my dear Miss Goodenough, at that group. See! there 
 stands a lady of some inland town or village, whose highest hopes 
 
SCENE IN THE SALOON AT THE SPRINGS. 365 
 
 are this day realized she is at the springs! she knows nobody, 
 and here is nobody her husband may be the squire of the village, 
 or the richest man in the town, or perhaps a member of the legis 
 lature, and this is her entree into public life with what a look of 
 vacancy she gazes on the fine ladies and gentlemen she sees here. 
 And her husband, too! how anxious he looks to see some face to 
 recognize. Yes! there the governor sees him with what joy he 
 shakes his hand. And the lady ! she s presented to the governor 
 her husband is, after all, somebody they are a peg higher in 
 their own self-estimation. And her husband ! he s looking to see 
 who may be the witnesses of his importance. Alas! no one is in 
 sight, who sees. He seeks to detain the governor, who bows and 
 passes and now the wife and husband relapse into their former 
 nothingness. 
 
 "Heavens!" continued Mrs. Tripp, "did you ever see such a 
 fright as that lady is?" pointing to a lady fair-and-forty, parading 
 an old beau of sixty, whose few hairs were carefully brushed from 
 the back of his head, and curled over a bald pate. "That is a very 
 fashionable lady from Bostonia she comes here as regular as the 
 season, and every year ten pounds heavier. Oh, my dear Miss 
 Goodenough, we must go to the ball on Wednesday evening to see 
 her dance. I have often trembled for the safety of the floor when 
 witnessing her tours deforce, expecting every moment to see her 
 descend into the cellar with a crash, carrying us all down with 
 her. Look at her beau ! Though he s so old, he has been taking 
 lessons of Korponay, in dancing the PoJka, and will exhibit him 
 self on next Wednesday, for he is to dance with that splendidly- 
 dressed Spanish-looking, lady, whose diamonds are only rivalled 
 by her eyes." 
 
 And so Mrs. Tripp ran on in one unbroken string of comments 
 on the company around them, to the admiration of the young 
 girl, to whom all these were strangers, and when the captain 
 called to take the arm of his niece, and relieve Mrs. Tripp of her 
 " parade duty," Flora said to her uncle, " What a most interesting 
 lady you have introduced me to ! I never was more amused and 
 delighted than I have been in her society." 
 
 The captain replied, coldly, "I have very little acquaintance 
 with Mrs. Tripp, but have heard she was very brilliant, and could 
 be very sarcastic." 
 
 "Oh yes! she is," said the innocent girl; "but then she is so 
 clever." 
 
 " My dear Flora," replied the captain, " listen to me ; these very 
 clever people are not always harmless. The same skill with 
 which they show up others, may be turned upon ourselves. I 
 have no wish you should know Mrs. Tripp, except as an acquaint- 
 
366 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 ance at this place; here she may help to amuse you, but in Baby 
 lon give her a wide berth ; do you hear?" 
 
 " Yes, dear uncle; but she has a fine, fashionable air and man 
 ner, and that is always pleasing, and then her conversational 
 powers are admirable." 
 
 The captain now gave up Flora to Jack Musard, and withdrew. 
 Though this exercise had been so gratifying to Flora, to Mrs. 
 Tripp it was anything but amusing, for she had seen what had 
 escaped the notice of her young companion. There were many 
 of " her set," who looked their surprise at her new found friend, 
 and as for Katrine Von Tromp, that young lady threw up her 
 eyes to the ceiling, and spread out her fingers by her side, with 
 an air which, had it been in any other place, would have led a 
 looker on to have believed she had been inspired by some sudden 
 fit of devotion, which found its appropriate expression in an ejacu- 
 iatory prayer. 
 
 Retiring to her room, Mrs. Tripp found Adela still sleeping, 
 and she sat down to meditate on the many trials of fashionable 
 life. 
 
 The next day brought Colonel Worth and family, Mr. De Lisle 
 and Mrs. Smith, whose seats at the table were immediately oppo 
 site to them, and next the Van Dams. Mr. Winterbottom was 
 delighted to see them, and Mrs. Tripp had to follow his example 
 as near as it was possible, though in her heart she wished them 
 on the other side of the globe. Adela assumed a quiet air, which 
 well became her On rising from the table, Mr. De Lisle took 
 Adela s arm, and Mr. Winterbottom that of Mrs. Smith. This ex 
 change was natural, and Adela had no reason to regret it, for De 
 Lisle was decidedly the greatest catch of the two, in the estima 
 tion of the Van Dams, who, while they looked on at the scenes 
 in which Mr. Winterbottom was a principal, with an amused air, 
 were really envious when they saw his place assumed by Mr. 
 De Lisle. 
 
 Adela recovered her powers, and adapting herself to the cha 
 racter of her companion, talked the best sense, in the best man 
 ner she knew how to command, and Mr. De Lisle and Mrs. 
 Smith, as well as Mrs. Worth and Grace, expressed to her their 
 pleasure to meet her again, and promised to spend the evening 
 with her, in her mother s parlor, after supper. They did so. 
 Mr. Winterbottom came in with them ; he took no part in the 
 conversation, but sat silent and reserved, wearing an abstracted 
 air, and when Adela was asked to sing, he expressed no wish to 
 hear any of his favorite songs, and though Adela sung those old 
 Jacobite songs which required a chorus, no chorus was forthcom 
 ing. 
 
MR. WINTERBOTTOM SEEKS SAFETY IN FLIGHT. 367 
 
 Mrs. Tripp saw all this as plainly as the nose on his face, and 
 a sinking of despair took full possession of her heart. 
 
 When all were gone, Adela took a seat in front of her mother, 
 having first placed a lamp where it would shine full into her face, 
 said, " Now, mother, what do you think ? Isn t it all up with Mr. 
 Winterbottom ?" 
 
 " I fear it is, Adela ; but still there are other strings to pull. We 
 have other appliances to bring to bear upon him." 
 
 " Such as what, if you please," said Adela, with an air of 
 greatest wonderment, " for I have exhausted all I know any 
 thing of." 
 
 " My child," replied the mother, "I will talk with you in the 
 morning ; I ve had enough to suffer for one day, and now I bid 
 you good-night !" 
 
 And Adela, with the confidence of youth and beauty, retired to 
 her room, relieved of a pressure, which, unconsciously to herself, 
 had weighed upon her spirits. She had been anxious to succeed, 
 because she had determined to be successful; but she was sure 
 few men, no one worth having, could have resisted the powers 
 she had exerted. And now she would prove herself in a direc 
 tion, where success, if it gave her not great wealth, should secure 
 for her what was better, distinction, the distinction which always 
 attends upon a woman allied to a man of talents. She would ex 
 periment on Mr. De Lisle. 
 
 Such were her last thoughts, as she sunk to sleep, and her 
 dreams were full of beautiful imagery, and she awoke with a joy- 
 ousness of heart every way delightful. 
 
 Now her mother had slept but little, and the aspect with which 
 she met her daughter, was full of care and mental suffering. 
 
 At breakfast, Adela appeared in fine health and gayety of spi 
 rits, and Mr. De Lisle and Mrs. Smith both spoke in terms highly 
 complimentary of her appearance. Mr. Winterbottom listened, 
 but said nothing. 
 
 At dinner, he was absent, and Mrs. Tripp and Adela found 
 their way to the table under the escort of Mr. De Lisle and Mrs. 
 Smith. From the hall, they retired to their rooms, and found a 
 note from Mr. Winterbottom, saying, he had called to inform them 
 that business of an urgent nature had called him to the city, that 
 he regretted to find them out, and hoped Mrs. Tripp and Adela 
 would find themselves at home with their mutual friends, whom 
 he had requested to supply any lack of attention they might re 
 quire during his absence. 
 
 " The bird is flown !" said Adela, with a sprightly tone and 
 manner. 
 
368 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 "Not so far," replied Mrs. Tripp, with asperity, "but he 
 shall be brought back." 
 
 " Who is to go after him, mother? I tell you, once for all, I 
 won t!" 
 
 "You won t ! my child, that is very strange language for you 
 to adopt. You must obey me, your mother; and though I shall 
 ask you to do nothing unworthy of you, I expect you to act like 
 a woman of sense." 
 
 " And pray, what can such a sensible lady as myself do in the 
 case ? He is gone he is rid of us and we of him. So let it be," 
 said Adela, smiling. 
 
 " So it shan t be," said Mrs. Tripp, in an angry tone. 
 
 " And how can you help yourself, mother?" said the daughter, 
 with a most provoking smile. 
 
 .Mrs. Tripp was in no smiling rnood, and that she was offended 
 by the levity of her dear daughter, it required no spectacles to 
 see, but she suppressed her emotions, and taking up a ruffle, set 
 herself at work, sewing it. Adela rose, and went to her piano, 
 and in a few moments, forgot all the troubles of the past, in the 
 present difficulties of a chromatic passage she was playing, of the 
 all but impossible piano compositions of De Meyer. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp, having recovered her self-control, called Adela to 
 her seat, and commenced speaking: 
 
 " Adela ! Mr. Winterbottom is a man of generous and very de 
 licate feelings." 
 
 Adela said not a word, but looked incredulously. Her mother 
 went on. 
 
 " He has, now, for several months, visited our house with some 
 degree of frequency, and has, in the sight of all the world, attend 
 ed us here. He has rode out with you, and in the saloon has 
 paid you the most particular attentions a gentleman can pay to a 
 lady." 
 
 " But, mother, has he not been drawn into this by our invita 
 tion? and how could he act otherwise?" 
 
 " That matters not. I speak of his conduct as it appears to 
 others. And, now he is gone, he must remember his conduct 
 with some degree of self-reproach. Now, my child, if you will 
 but follow my lead, all will yet be well. I am just as certain of 
 it, as though I saw you, at this moment, dressed in all the splen 
 dor of a bride s attire, waiting for the hour of your nuptials." 
 
 " You are very imaginative, mother," said Adela. 
 
 " I wish you may be so, too," said Mrs. Tripp. "I will now 
 reveal to you my plan. We will remain here a week or so, to 
 see if Mr. Winterbottom will return. If he does not, we go 
 back to Babylon. After reaching home, you see no company. I 
 
MRS. TRIPP S PLAN TO RECOVER MR. WINTERBOTTOM. 369 
 
 shall see that he hears that Adela Tripp s affections are the cause 
 of her sickness. Letting that work awhile, I will alarm him by 
 the news that there are fears entertained that you will go into a 
 rapid decline, and that his conduct at the springs is the cause of 
 it all. And, too, I will set Mrs. Van Dam at work upon him, and 
 other ladies whose sympathies I can enlist. He sha n t sleep 
 without your image having been presented to him, in some shape, 
 every day he lives. In the meanwhile, I will occasionally meet 
 him with all my usual kindness, and speak, in sad tones, of your 
 feeble state of health; and when he shows signs of relenting, as 
 he will do, he shall be invited to the house, and when he comes, 
 it shall be contrived, that you shall walk into the parlor, dressed 
 in a charming white dressing-gown, the lamps shall be shaded, 
 and starch will give you the aspect of extreme paleness. You 
 shall appear for a moment only, shall offer him your hand, cold as 
 ice water can make it, and thank him, in the sweetest tone, for 
 his kindness in calling, and slowly withdraw, leaning on my arm. 
 
 " A few such scenes will do the business, safely and surely. 
 His vanity will be flattered by the power of interesting so lovely 
 a girl; and his pride shall be addressed, and his love inflamed, 
 and you shall have a last scene, in which love and tenderness will 
 melt the ice around his heart ; for I assure you, (such are my 
 sincerest convictions, from my knowledge of the man, and I have 
 studied him well,) I believe he is sorry, at this moment, he has 
 left us, and his home will never seem so lonely as it does at this 
 moment, and he would gladly wish himself back again, if he 
 knew how to get here free from the sneers of these people by 
 whom we are surrounded." 
 
 " Mother," said Adela, in a firm, slow and measured tone, 
 " your plans look feasible; but a failure would be fatal to me. I 
 can t consent to put my reputation at a hazard such as this; 
 and with every feeling of respect, I say to you, I can t ! and I 
 won t!" So saying, this dutiful daughter rose, and left the room. 
 
370 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 A party of Mexicans arrive at the springs Scene at the assembly Adela, 
 in the absence of Mr. Winterbottom, experiments on Mr. De Lisle Col. 
 Greenwood and Lieutenant Doyle of the Coldstream Guards Meet Mrs. 
 Smith and friends at the ball Adela dances with Lieutenant Doyle The 
 sage of Lindenwold introduces these officers to Mrs. Tripp next day in the 
 saloon Adela rides out with Col. Greenwood and his friend Tete-a-tetes 
 of mothers and daughters after breakfast at the springs. 
 
 ON the very day of Mrs. Smith s arrival with her friends, 
 there appeared on the verandah of the Grand Hotel, where they 
 and the fashionables " most do congregate" at the springs, a 
 party of four gentlemen, whose air, looks and mien bespoke them 
 Spaniards. They were all under the usual height. The elder, 
 who was the tallest, was about fifty years of age, with hair black 
 and glossy. His eyebrows were heavy, and overhanging an eye 
 black as night, that gleamed, at times, with a strange and most 
 sinister expression, which was, doubtless, heightened by wearing 
 in his right eye a glass set in tortoise-shell, which hung around 
 his neck by a black ribbon. His form was symmetrical, and his 
 movements eminently graceful and dignified ; and his hands and 
 feet almost feminine in size and shape. The three young men 
 resembled him in form and feature. They, too, had the same de 
 licacy of hands and feet, the same grace of movement, and eyes 
 as black and as bright, without the glance which sometimes shone 
 from under the heavy eyebrows of the eldest of the party. They 
 all wore dark olive-green frock coats of a foreign cut, richly em 
 broidered ; and the young men had beautifully shaped moustaches 
 and imperials ; the eldest wore none. He wore no ornaments, 
 but the young men had the richest diamonds in their shirt-bosoms, 
 and on their fingers, which, however, were only seen at dinner, 
 for their hands were covered at all other times, as the hour re 
 quired, in the most perfect of yellow or white Parisian kid 
 gloves. 
 
 They knew no one, and seemed indifferent to all around them, 
 but walked from one end of the verandah to the other, sputtering 
 Spanish ; the young men, who were between twenty-two and 
 twenty-five years of age, now and then gazed out of the corners 
 of their eyes at the ladies as they passed, though but few had 
 
THE MEXICANS AT THE SPRINGS. 371 
 
 the happiness to know that they had been so distinguished by 
 the strangers. 
 
 After dinner, they came into the saloon in pairs, holding their 
 hats in their hands, and walked around, seeming to find abundant 
 subjects for remark from the throng by whom they were sur 
 rounded. 
 
 There was a strange interest excited by the appearance, of 
 these Spaniards, who seemed to have nothing in common with 
 the visitors of the springs ; and especially was this true of the 
 Misses Van Dams and the Van Tromps, who, in addition to all 
 their other accomplishments, were able to talk Spanish. The list 
 of arrivals simply announced 
 
 Don Pedro de St. Jago, Mexico, 
 
 Don Juan Ferdinando de St. Jago, " 
 
 Don Sebastian Philip de St. Jago, " 
 
 Don Hernandez Mendez Pinto, " 
 
 But the mystery was solved by an article which appeared in 
 the Babylonian Gazette, stating that Don Pedro de St. Jago, one 
 of the richest landed proprietors of Zacatecas, whose mines 
 yielded a million annually, with his sons and nephew, had re 
 cently arrived at New Orleans, and, it was said, would make a 
 tour through the States. 
 
 This item of intelligence was read by everybody, and gave 
 these Mexican gentlemen a most enviable position among the 
 elite at the springs. Many were the attempts made to form their 
 acquaintance, but as few could speak Spanish, and it was under 
 stood they spoke no other language, the competitors for this honor 
 were necessarily limited. Among these, Eugenie and Lucille 
 Van Dam, and Katrine Van Tromp, stood in advance of all others. 
 So it was, that, whenever these gentlemen came round the circle 
 to the spot where these interesting ladies stood, they failed not to 
 be engaged in earnest and lively conversation in Spanish; a fact 
 these gentlemen did not fail to remark, and recognize by a smile 
 and a bow. 
 
 On the next Wednesday evening, the assembly was given of 
 which Mrs. Tripp had spoken, when the lady of Bostonia was to 
 exhibit what Mrs. Tripp had been pleased to style, not inappro 
 priately, her tours deforce. 
 
 The ball was a splendid one, and most of our friends were pre 
 sent. Mrs. Smith and Grace sat as lookers-on, attended by Mr. 
 De Lisle. Adela was indisposed, and her mother was necessarily 
 absent. Colonel and Mrs. Worth never attended assemblies. 
 
 Until near midnight, the Mexicans remained quiet spectators, 
 seated opposite to Mrs. Smith, who, at last, became nervous at 
 
372 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 seeing that hateful dark-looking man, looking, as she said to 
 Grace, "like an ogre," constantly and directly at her. 
 
 After midnight, as Miss Eugenie Van Dam and her sister, pre 
 ceded by their mother, who was accompanied by the gentlemen 
 with whom they had been dancing, came promenading down the 
 side of the hall on which the Jagos, all dressed in full ball cos 
 tume, were seated, though as yet they had made no movement 
 toward securing partners for dancing, the elder St. Jago now 
 rose, and bowing with an air of distinguished and respectful con 
 sideration to Mrs. Van Dam, in Spanish, begged " the permission 
 to solicit for his sons and nephew the honor of an introduction to 
 herself and daughters." 
 
 Poor Mrs. Van Dam understood as little of Spanish at this mo 
 ment, as of Low Dutch on the night of her wedding, and would 
 have been at a dead stand as to the request made of her, had not 
 Lucille advanced, and bowing to Don St. Jago, acted as inter 
 preter. Mrs. Van Dam smiled and bowed her acquiescence, and 
 immediately introduced Lucille to the senior Don, who took her 
 hand in both of his, and bowing as he did so, addressed her a few 
 words with a very graceful air, and turning to Eugenie, went 
 through the same ceremony, and then taking the hand of Mrs. 
 Van Dam, bowed, and, through Lucille, expressed his acknow 
 ledgments. This done, he presented, in order, his sons and 
 nephew to each of the ladies. As Mrs. Van Dam understood 
 nothing that the Don could say, he was compelled to bow and ges 
 ture what he had no words to express. The young folks, in the 
 meanwhile, seemed to Mrs. Van Dam running their words all 
 together in a string, so fluent had they become all at once, while 
 Eugenie and Lucille, by the nutter of their fans, were evidently 
 endeavoring to ward off the profusion of their compliments. This 
 pretty piece of pantomime was seen in all its details by Katrine 
 Van Tromp, who was dying to share in the honors of an introduc 
 tion, especially as the finest of the three young Mexicans, Don 
 Hernandez Mendez Pinto, remained standing unoccupied, and only 
 occasionally addressed by the young ladies, who seemed entirely 
 absorbed by the Santa Jagos. It was perfectly natural for Mrs. 
 Van Tromp and Katrine to be walking that way, and to the great 
 relief of Mrs. Van Dam, who beckoned to Katrine to come to her. 
 Katrine and her mother presented themselves, and Lucille intro 
 duced the senior Don, who went through all the forms with his 
 accustomed gravity and grace, and presented his sons and nephew 
 as before, which done, Don Hernandez commenced his demon 
 strations upon the fair and palpable Katrine, who certainly had 
 the quality of talking as fast as any of the group, though she 
 
THE MEXICANS AND VAN DAMS. 373 
 
 failed in those little feminine airs, in which the Van Dams ex 
 celled. It was a wonder to see their fans hold together, so various 
 and manifold were the various flirts and shuttings up and throw- 
 ings open, to which they were, for the first time, probably, sub 
 jected ;* and then the little mirror in the side of Lucille s fan, was 
 playfully held up by Lucille to Don Juan Ferdinando, it might be 
 that he should be frightened with his own face after uttering some 
 superlatively sublime compliment. 
 
 All this while, the senior Don looked on and listened with an 
 amused, and (so it seemed to Mrs. Smith, who sat looking on from 
 the opposite side of the room), at times, with a most malicious 
 smile ; and Mrs. Van Dam and Mrs. Van Tromp did what many 
 mothers have done before, when they heard their accomplished 
 daughters gabbling a language of which they knew nothing, to 
 gentlemen ignorant of the only language they could command ; 
 they smiled, and strove to guess, as best they could, what was 
 said from the countenances of the speakers. At length, Don Jago, 
 senior, led the mothers to a sofa, and bowing, took leave of them, 
 and having stopped for a moment at the group, who still remained 
 standing, and, doubtless, saying some very agreeable things to the 
 young ladies, took leave of them and retired. 
 
 So soon as cotillions were recommenced, the mothers had the 
 supreme satisfaction of seeing their children dance with the sons 
 and nephew of a man whose income was a million a year, and 
 who had refused " to dig out any more silver than he could find 
 ways to spend." 
 
 " Only think of it," said Mrs. Van Tromp ; "Katrine showed 
 me the paper which said so. Don t you think he resembles our 
 ex-president, the Sage of Lindenwold?" 
 
 " He has the same expression of countenance," said Mrs. Van 
 Dam, "and the same smile and distinguished courtesy of manners; 
 but then his complexion is so different that I don t know it would 
 have occurred to rne." 
 
 " You remark it, when you see him in the saloon," replied 
 Mrs. Van Tromp, " and I m sure you will see in his general bear- 
 
 * Mrs. Emma Willard, in her recent " inspired revelation" on the " Motive 
 Powers of the Heart," has given the philosophy of the fan. She says: "Pos 
 sibly you have provided yourself with a little instrument invented in ancient 
 times, for an assistant to the breezes. It lessens the labor of breathing, and 
 widens the range of temperature by cooling the surface, while it supplies 
 oxygen to the lungs. This little instrument is called a /an." Treatise on the 
 Motive Powers of the Heart, p. 145. 
 
 How few of our fashionable ladies ever knew there lay a philosophical 
 truth beneath their fans. It is to be hoped they may be hereafter used for 
 their legitimate purpose, and not to help to cover a face where blushes should 
 be and are not. PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
374 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 ing, and especially when he smiles, the very same expression of 
 countenance." 
 
 And so these ladies talked on, well satisfied with the success of 
 their children, who seemed every way pleased with their partners. 
 After the many were gone, these strangers and their new found 
 friends commenced dancing Spanish dances, and finally waltzed; 
 and the step of Katrine was light and buoyant, more so than usual, 
 and well it was so, or the little Mexican could hardly have suc 
 ceeded in bringing her round in time, to keep the foot fall of the 
 waltz. But when they were led to their mothers, though a little 
 flushed, they were evidently exhilarated by the dance ; the eyes 
 of the Dons flashed with light and looks of most ardent admiration ; 
 and if the young ladies, as they took their seats, wore an air of 
 exhaustion, it was because it better concealed the little look of 
 tenderness they thought proper to adventure as an experiment on 
 the moods and tempers of their new admirers, whose earnest gaze 
 showed they came from the land of the sun, and retained all the 
 heat of their warm climate still glowing in their bosoms. And 
 so, as these girls took their seats, the air of fatigue was assumed 
 with a most lovely recklessness, which was quite pleasant to be 
 hold, and won looks of burning admiration from these passionate 
 Mexicans. The mothers thought it best to break in upon this 
 scene, lest too much progress should be made in one short evening ; 
 for it must be confessed they had not the same satisfaction in hear 
 ing their daughters addressed by strange gentlemen, of whom 
 they knew nothing, in a strange language of which they knew 
 less. The Dons escorted them to the door of the ball-room, and 
 stood in the entry, bowing and kissing their adieus, till the ladies 
 had reached the top of the stairs, when Katrine kissed her hand 
 to them, an example Lucille and Eugenie did not fail to follow, 
 and so they disappeared to their respective rooms, as delighted 
 with their Dons, as their Dons could by any possibility be with 
 them. 
 
 From this time onward the youngladies were assiduously escorted 
 by these Dons ; the senior Don being left very much alone, seemed 
 to have little else to do than to gaze with his ogre eye upon Mrs. 
 Smith. He fastened his eye upon her the moment she entered 
 the room where he chanced to be, or to enter. To Mrs. Smith it 
 seemed the look of a basilisk, and she found herself, in spite of 
 her fixed purpose, looking at him ; and whenever she did so, there 
 was he, with his eye-glass looking straight towards her. As for 
 Grace, she shrunk back whenever one of these " demons," as she 
 called them, came near her, and looked askance into her fair face. 
 
 As these strangers occupied a cottage beyond their own, they 
 and their servants (all dark and grim as so many banditti), were 
 
HERNANDEZ MENDEZ PINTO AND KATRINE. 375 
 
 constantly passing and repassing, and Mrs. Smith never could put 
 her foot upon the verandah on her way to the saloon or returning 
 from it, but she was sure to meet the elder Jago, who bowed to 
 her and smiled, a cold sinister smile it was, as he passed, till it be 
 came a matter of serious annoyance, of which she was conscious, 
 but of which she never ventured to speak until Grace and her 
 self, finding themselves at the same moment the object of this 
 hateful scrutiny, retired by the same impulse, and each spoke of 
 their uncomfortable emotions, from being under the constant super 
 vision of this hateful Mexican. 
 
 Don Hernandez Mendez Pinto was especially attentive to Ka 
 trine Van Tromp. He was extremely communicative, and from 
 Katrine, Mrs. Smith learned the vastness of the estates of the 
 Jagos, the splendor of his palace, and of his own chateau at 
 Sombrero. Indeed, Katrine could talk of nothing else, and it was 
 evident her imagination was completely filled with the magni 
 ficence of Don Hernandez, and the loveliness and splendors of 
 equatorial skies. She even forgot to sneer at Adela Tripp, who 
 in times past was sure to be served up at every call. 
 
 Nor were the young Misses Van Dams less absorbed by their 
 admirers, though they had much more prudence than Katrine; 
 but it was evident they had no wish beyond the satisfaction they 
 derived from the assiduous attentions of these Jagos, who seemed 
 every day gaining ground in the esteem of their mothers, who 
 even now had assumed the office of teachers of English to the 
 young men, who, from all appearances, were destined at no distant 
 day to become their very dear sons-in-law. Their progress was 
 not very rapid, to be sure, and they evidently took much more plea 
 sure in talking to the daughters, than receiving lessons from the 
 mothers, which is no uncommon circumstance, as most mothers 
 can testify. 
 
 * * * 7-C * 
 
 We will now return to Miss Adela Tripp. She was not long 
 in discovering that she had a rival in her hopes upon De Lisle in 
 Grace Worth, whose influence, she had reason to fear, would 
 render all her arts powerless. 
 
 Grace, with native modesty, shrunk from the attentions paid to 
 her on all hands. As the only daughter of Col. Worth, she was 
 much sought after. Her father s friends were numerous, and they 
 all were pleased to make Grace s acquaintance, who had now made 
 her first appearance at the springs. Still she rarely left her 
 mother s side, and never walked unattended by her ifather, her 
 mother, or Mrs. Smith. With Mrs. Smith she was on familiar 
 terms, but with no one else. With the Van Dams, and all of 
 that set, she cultivated no other intercourse than such as the 
 
376 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 common forms of society required. The attentions of Mr. De Lisle 
 were always met with politeness, but with great timidity. 
 
 Adela saw that Mr. De Lisle s eyes followed Grace, when his 
 footsteps did not. That he became another being, so soon as 
 Grace made her appearance, and seemed unconscious of any at 
 tractions but those possessed by this sweet girl. And yet it 
 seemed strange to Adela, that he offered Grace so little of direct 
 attentions. He rather courted the society of her mother, or Mrs. 
 Smith ; but she soon discovered that he sought the one who 
 chanced to be in company with Grace, and though he never 
 walked by the side of Grace, he constantly addressed his remarks 
 to her by his eyes, if not by his language. This demanded no 
 reply from Grace, who never failed to listen with absorbed atten 
 tion to whatever he said. 
 
 "It is very strange," thought Adela ; " I will try if the charrn 
 is in the mother, or Mrs. Smith, or in this girl ;" and so she made 
 herself very agreeable to Grace, and contrived to detach her from 
 her friends by asking her to take morning walks with her, and 
 she soon found herself attended by Mr. De Lisle, who still followed 
 the plan of talking exclusively with her, Grace only helping out 
 the conversation with inquiries, evincing even to Adela, a range 
 of knowledge of which she found herself ignorant ; for the topics 
 usually were those of morals or science, and a higher range of 
 literature than she had ever heard of. These inquiries of Grace 
 were made at the proper point, and led to a wider range of re 
 mark, and Adela admired acquisitions she did not possess. All 
 this while Adela experimented upon Mr. De Lisle in her sweetest 
 looks of admiration, but they glanced from him as if he had been 
 a statue of ice. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp was not unoccupied. Still hoping Mr. Winter- 
 bottom would reappear, she restrained Adela all she could from 
 the saloon, and compelled her to refuse a dozen invitations to the 
 ball at which the Van Dams and Katrine Van Tromp had made 
 their splendid conquests. Mrs. Tripp was greatly annoyed by 
 the attentions she was compelled to pay Miss Flora Goodenough, 
 who certainly evinced a great partiality for the very amusing 
 Mrs. Tripp. As for Adela, she showed her innocence of her 
 mother s management, by resolutely refusing either to call on 
 Miss Flora, or to permit her mother s introducing Flora to the 
 honor of her acquaintance, and Mrs. Tripp was compelled to in 
 sist Adela should not be in the saloon, as the only way of escape. 
 All this added no little to Mrs. Tripp s perplexities, and made 
 the imprisonment of Adela imperatively necessary ; who com 
 pensated herself by attaching herself almost exclusively to the 
 Worth party, especially to Grace, to whom she made herself very 
 
ARRIVAL OF COL. GREENWOOD AND LIEUTENANT DOYLE. 377 
 
 interesting 1 , and they practised together by the hour, sure of hav 
 ing Mr. De Lisle sitting beside the piano as a most untiring list 
 ener. Happily for poor Mrs. Tripp, she was soon relieved by 
 the departure of Captain Townly and his niece, and Jack Mu- 
 sard, who returned to the city. 
 
 While our friends were thus occupied, there appeared a 
 young Irishman, and his companion and friend, a gentleman of 
 very fine appearance, wearing large whiskers, and in the undress 
 uniform of the British army. The Irishman was a dashing 
 heels-over-head fellow, with a bright blue eye, full of fun, and a 
 face of the purest red and white. His laugh was the most catch 
 ing that ever was heard, and his manners, while they were free, 
 bore the marks of high finish. He was indeed "an Irish gentle 
 man !" The day after their appearance, four beautiful horses, led 
 by two servants in undress uniform of the British army, appeared 
 before the door. There they stood, the objects of universal ad 
 miration, and the guesses as to whom they belonged, were solved 
 by these strangers riding them away, accompanied by their serv 
 ants. Now, of these arrivals, Adela and Mrs. Tripp, so great 
 had been their seclusion for a day or two, knew nothing. A ball 
 was to lake place, and Mr. De Lisle had invited Mrs. Tripp and 
 Adela to accompany Mrs. Smith and Grace, and under such coun 
 tenance, Adela insisted on going. Mrs. Tripp was compelled to 
 acquiesce. She warned Adela not to dance, and to wear a pen 
 sive aspect; but Adela would make no promises on that score ; 
 and after long discussion, carried on with more spirit than humor, 
 they separated to make ready for the evening. Adela thought 
 if there was any superiority she was possessed of over Grace, it 
 was in her fine fashionable exterior, and so she determined to 
 make the most of it, and dressed herself accordingly. 
 
 Adela saw for the first time, the grand entrance of the Van 
 Dams and Van Tromps, and their Mexicans. She sat looking on 
 with wonder at the perfect understanding which seemed subsist 
 ing ; the exclusiveness of their attentions; and the absorbed and 
 gratified air with which all these attentions were received. She 
 spoke of it to Mrs. Smith, who gave her an amusing account of 
 the introduction, and Adela expressed her astonishment that mat 
 ters should have progressed so rapidly during the few days she 
 had been imprisoned in her own room. 
 
 While they were thus speaking, Adela s eyes were riveted by 
 the entrance of our young Irishman in all the magnificence of his 
 brilliant undress uniform. His companion s dress indicated that 
 he, too, was an officer. They walked the room, the elder of the two 
 quiet and cold in his demeanor, which was strongly in contrast 
 with the excited and admiring looks of the Irishman, who seemed 
 
378 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 perfectly charmed with the beauty on all sides of the hall. They 
 took their stand not far from where Mrs. Smith and her party sat. 
 The dancing commenced, and they remained spectators. If the 
 face of the Irishman invited the approach of those who had a 
 superabundance of ladies to provide for, the cold and distant 
 aspect of his friend inspired a fear of a repulse ; and so they 
 were left to be the lookers-on of the gay groups. 
 
 From those dancing, the attention of the young Irishman was 
 attracted to those who were seated, and became riveted upon the 
 sofa, on which were sitting three ladies so beautiful, and wearing 
 an air so eminently distingue as Mrs. Smith, Adela, and Grace, 
 who were attended by but one gentleman, Mr. De Lisle, who for 
 once was devoting all his time to Grace, leaving the other two 
 ladies to amuse themselves. 
 
 Adela, having nothing to interest her so much as these strange 
 officers, had her eyes fixed upon them the instant the younger 
 seemed making an earnest request of his companion. Their looks 
 were now turned toward them, and Miss Adela found something 
 very pertinent to say to Mrs. Smith, which admitted of her ges 
 ticulating very gracefully, and giving a gay laugh at the close. 
 
 So soon as the cotillion was over, and before a new set was made 
 up to take the floor, these two gentlemen advanced to the sofa, 
 and, after bowing profoundly to Mrs. Smith and the ladies, the 
 elder, in a very fine manly tone, with an English fullness of enun 
 ciation, addressed himself to Mrs. Smith. 
 
 "Madam, we here happen to be strangers to all present. My 
 young friend, Lieutenant Doyle, of Her Majesty s Guards, has in 
 sisted upon my taking so great a liberty as to present him. He de 
 sires the pleasure of your permission to invite one of these fair 
 friends of yours to dance with him." Lieutenant Doyle now put 
 himself in position, as military men say, and the result was that 
 Colonel Greenwood and Lieutenant Doyle became known to each 
 of the party; the lieutenant led Adela to the floor, and Colonel Green 
 wood took the seat she had vacated beside Mrs. Smith. His address 
 was quiet, unostentatious, and yet it was so agreeable, that it won 
 even the attention of Grace away from Mr. De Lisle ; but with 
 such admirable discretion did he conduct the conversation, that 
 soon every member of the party was made to take their share in 
 it. If his looks could be interpreted, he was at a loss which most 
 to admire, the attractive and spirited lady, or the timid and beau 
 tiful girl at her side. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp, who was sitting on the opposite side of the room, 
 with Mrs. Van Tromp, had just begun to open the story of Adela s 
 sorrow, the reason of her seclusion from society, and the cause of 
 her pensiveness, when she was stopped short by observing what 
 
LIEUTENANT DOYLE AND ADELA. 379 
 
 was going on; she would have arrested her child if it had been 
 possible, but it was too late; Adela was on her way to her set, 
 under the escort of this young officer, and she was compelled to 
 bite her lip, and select some other subject of conversation with 
 Mrs. Van Tromp. 
 
 Adela danced with a joyousness of manner admirably suited to 
 the buoyancy of her partner. They attracted the attention and 
 admiration of the room, and from dancing they went to waltzing, 
 and Adela found her partner even excelled the heretofore inimi 
 table Jack Musard. 
 
 Adela was led to a seat by Doyle near Mrs. Smith, and seat 
 ing himself beside her, he conversed with all imaginable fluency. 
 His remarks were frequently so amusing as to convulse the lady 
 with laughter; and so the evening passed away with a joyousness 
 which but little fitted her for the premature decline which awaited 
 her in Babylon; and as the idea occurred to Adela as she was 
 disrobing herself, she astonished her maid, by bursting into long 
 fits of laughter. "No!" thought Adela, "if I die, it will be of 
 laughing at Doyle. Was there ever so amusing a fellow!" 
 
 Her mother was not so well pleased with the events of the pre 
 ceding evening as was Miss Adela, and in the morning, read her 
 a lecture upon the extreme impropriety of her conduct, in dancing 
 and conversing with a gentleman of whom she knew nothing. 
 Adela replied she was sure he was a gentleman, and begged her 
 mother to wait awhile before she condemned her conduct, and 
 ringing for her maid, sent for the morning papers of the week, 
 and showed her mother, with an air of triumph, in the list of 
 arrivals, the names of 
 
 Lt. Col. Greenwood, Coldstream Guards, Quebec. 
 
 Lieut. Frederick Doyle, " " 
 
 "There! mother, look for yourself," said Adela. 
 
 "What does this prove, you simpleton!" replied her mother. 
 "They are doubtless a couple of gamblers who come here to 
 plunder their dupes at the springs." 
 
 Adela held to her convictions, and as she entered the saloon 
 from the breakfast table, was delighted to see Colonel Greenwood 
 and Lieutenant Doyle, engaged in conversation with the Sage 
 of Lindenwold, who was the lion of the day at the springs. The 
 ex-presideni took especial notice of these gentlemen, and Lieu 
 tenant Doyle, seeing Adela and her mother seated on a sofa, 
 instantly addressed himself to the ex-president, whose attention 
 was now turned to Adela and her mother, to whom he had been 
 introduced by Mr. Winterbottom, on his arrival, and had fre 
 quently availed himself of the opportunity to pay Adela especial 
 
PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 attention; for he was a man to acknowledge and bow to the 
 supremacy of beauty. 
 
 He led the gentlemen towards Mrs.Tripp,and asked permission 
 to present Colonel Greenwood and Lieutenant Doyle of the British 
 army, to the honor of their acquaintance. Mrs. Tripp received 
 the introduction in a most gracious manner, and Colonel Green 
 wood took a seat beside her, while Doyle seated himself beside 
 Adela. 
 
 Colonel Greenwood was a handsome man, and though cold in 
 his demeanor, his manners wore all the marks of haut-monde. 
 Mrs. Tripp was pleased to see the Van Dams and Van Tromps 
 grouped together watching her success, which, she was sure, was 
 a source of surprise and annoyance to them. As for Adela, she 
 was delighted with Doyle; his humor was unfailing and his ad 
 miration unbounded, and her frequent fits of laughter showed her 
 dear friends, on the other side of the room, that Doyle must be a 
 most amusing companion, and who contrasted in this respect invi 
 diously with their Mexican beaux. 
 
 The same day, while waiting for the Worth party in the saloon, 
 to go with them into the dining-hall, Colonel Greenwood and 
 Lieutenant Doyle joined them. It so happened that their friends 
 were out riding, and were late in returning, and Mrs. Tripp 
 and Adela found themselves alone in the saloon. Mrs. Tripp s 
 frequent looks toward the door, showed they were waiting 
 for some one, and Colonel Greenwood politely asked of her the 
 privilege of seating her at the table, which she thought best to 
 accept. Doyle was not slow to follow the example of his colo 
 nel, and Mrs. Tripp was amply repaid for her delay, by being 
 led in by Colonel Greenwood, who, having seated Mrs. Tripp, and 
 seeing a seat vacant next her, asked her permission to take it, to 
 which she readily acceded, and Doyle, without the same for 
 mula, installed himself beside Adela. 
 
 All this was delightful, even to Mrs. Tripp; though she had 
 her misgivings as to its effect upon her ulterior plans. Still the 
 attention of the colonel of the "crack regiment" of the British 
 army was not to be slighted, and it could, after all, make not 
 much difference, and so she gave herself up to the practice of all 
 the arts of pleasing of which she was possessed. 
 
 During the days following, Colonel Greenwood and Lieutenant 
 Doyle availed themselves of their introduction to Mrs. Tripp, to 
 become acquainted with Colonel Worth and wife and Grace, and 
 Mrs. Smith and Mr. De Lisle, and especially was the colonel at 
 tracted by the sweet and lovely aspect of Grace. His attentions 
 were always relinquished at the proper time and place. His 
 only object seemed to please and be pleased, and it came to 
 
COLONEL GREENWOOD. 381 
 
 be a matter of course for him to take his station beside Grace, 
 whenever she sought the verandah or the saloon for promenading 
 after dinner. His seat at the table brought him opposite Mrs. 
 Smith, and his conversational powers seemed always in pleasant 
 exercise, when addressing himself to Mrs. Worth, or Mrs. Smith, 
 or to Grace. His address was at all times quiet and unpretending, 
 and yet so agreeable, that he became identified with the Worth 
 party in all their excursions. Mr. De Lisle and himself seemed 
 especially suited for each other s society, and the topics of con 
 versation introduced by them, were at the same time agreeable 
 and instructive to Grace, while it gave play to the wit and varied 
 acquisitions of Mrs. Worth, and the playfulness of Mrs. Smith. 
 As for Doyle, he concentrated all his powers of pleasing upon 
 Adela, to the great annoyance of her mother, who strove in vain 
 to keep him at arm s length. But Irishmen, especially if they 
 are young and handsome and accomplished, are famous for get 
 ting on in the world, and Doyle was a fair specimen of their suc 
 cess. All that Mrs. Tripp could do was to keep Adela out of the 
 saloon, and at home in her own parlor; but this suited Doyle 
 and Adela, for they were all the world to each other. 
 
 One morning, soon after the ball, Colonel Greenwood s fine 
 horses were at the door, held by his servants, and attracted the 
 attention of the gentlemen by their fine points, and that of the 
 ladies, by the sight of a side saddle, placed on the most beautiful 
 of the four horses. " Who could be the successful lady ?" said 
 the young ladies to each other; "what lady will ride out with 
 these strangers ?" said the mothers, who well knew their daughters 
 were not the favored fair. 
 
 The mystery was soon to be solved. Colonel Greenwood and 
 Lieutenant Doyle were waiting for Adela to appear in her 
 mother s parlor, where the Worths, and Mr. De Lisle, and Mrs. 
 Smith, were also waiting her coming, to see them off. As Adela 
 came in, accompanied by her mother, the colonel s look told her 
 she was admired, and Doyle swore outright she was a divinity ! 
 Mrs. Tripp was too much gratified to look beyond the moment. 
 And Adela made her appearance on the verandah, accompanied 
 by all her friends. Mrs. Tripp saw her seated, and the Van 
 Dams and Van Tromps, at their posts of observation, looking dag 
 gers at her dear Adela, whom, it must be confessed, never looked 
 so enchantingly. Bowing gracefully to their friends, the party 
 rode away. 
 
 The groups on the verandah now dispersed, the gentlemen to 
 nine-pin alleys and billiard-rooms, and the ladies to their rooms, 
 to read a new novel, but most to gape and yawn, and say, " What 
 
382 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 a stupid place these springs are !" How exceedingly weary it 
 is to live only to eat and kill time. 
 
 Some young ladies sat down to elaborate letters to their lovers, 
 or those who had none such, wrote letters to absent friends, and 
 all the mothers to look into the trunks, for the dresses to be worn at 
 dinner and in the evening. At such times it is usual for such 
 criticisms to be made for the especial edification of their girls. 
 
 " My dear," said a Mrs. Upshot, to her daughter, who was 
 lying on the bed reading, " you have spoiled this muslin dress ; 
 it is torn in twenty places. Where can you have been ?" 
 
 The daughter, turning over on her elbow, with all manner of 
 indifference, said, " it must have been torn when walking in the 
 fields, yesterday morning." 
 
 " Walking in the fields! and with whom, child, and where ?" 
 
 " I m sure I don t know where it was ; but I was walking with 
 Mr. Fontleroy, and we thought we would make a short cut of it 
 across the fields, and there were hundreds of strawberry vines in. 
 our way, and so every now and then my dress caught." 
 
 "My child, I am surprised at you. This Mr. Fomleroy is 
 nobody, and never will be anybody, and yet you take morning 
 walks with him, and promenade with him, and dance with him." 
 
 " That s all true, mother," replied the girl, languidly. " He is 
 nobody, and I don t believe he ever will be. He s lazy, and reck 
 less, and all that sort of thing. But you see, mother, I don t like 
 to stand by the wall, holding up the pilasters ; I never was fond 
 of wall flowers, they always have a stiff appearance, and look 
 like prisoners ; nor do I love to resemble them. Fontleroy seems 
 willing to lend me his arm, and I am glad to take it. If there 
 was anybody here to take his place, I could shake him off at ease ; 
 he understands that, and as it is, I can t do better. And so upon 
 the whole, I think you ought to be perfectly well satisfied." 
 
 I presume, if walls would be so kind as to speak, as well as to 
 listen, there would be every variety of such conversations re 
 peated. These mothers are not pleased with anything. They 
 complain of their children for the acquaintances they make, for 
 the attentions they receive, for the dresses they spoil, and ten 
 thousand such like sources of disquiet. And, too, their rooms are 
 small, intensely hot, and most miserably furnished. They speak 
 of their spacious rooms at home, their bath, and all the luxuries 
 they have left behind, in contrast with the mere closets, in which 
 they are all but compelled to spend twelve to fourteen hours of 
 the twenty-four. And so it was on the morning of Adela s ride ; 
 her happiness was the cause of much discontent in many quarters. 
 But the decrees of fashion are imperative, and the " upper ten 
 
MR. DE LISLE AND GRACE WORTH. 383 
 
 thousand" must submit to the banishment of all home comforts, or 
 lose their position in fashionable life. 
 
 We must now be permitted to go back a little in our narrative, 
 that the position of the parties whom we have introduced to our 
 readers, may be the better understood. 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 Development of the attachment of Mr. De Lisle for Grace, and of matters 
 between Lieutenant Doyle and Adela Scenes in Mrs. Tripp s back par 
 lor Danger of playing duets for four hands Results in the case of Lieu 
 tenant Doyle Mrs. Smith s evenings " at home described Mrs. Smith re 
 lates to Grace and De Lisle her vision of the Gentleman in Black The 
 " Enigma of Life" discussed by Mrs. Smith and her friends Character of 
 Grace Worth Misery of man shown by his pursuits Lieutenant Doyle 
 proposes to elope with Adela, who makes her mother acquainted with 
 their plans Mrs. Tripp s last interview with Adela on the night previous 
 Adela s letter to her parents Mrs. Tripp s parting advice Scenes at Mrs. 
 Tripp s on the next morning. 
 
 MRS. SMITH S party, our readers will remember, was given on 
 the night of the 1st of December. During the progress of her 
 recovery, she was pleased to witness the development of the attach 
 ment of De Lisle for Grace Worth, of which she had discovered, 
 perhaps, the first inspiration. 
 
 There seemed a sort of instinct which brought them together, 
 of which they were themselves unconscious. Grace was exceed 
 ingly timid in the presence of Mr. De Lisle, and Mrs. Smith ob 
 served that her vivacity was repressed the moment he made his 
 appearance; and loving her as she did, it vexed her to see how 
 few of the admirable qualities she possessed, could be seen by 
 him. And yet, it was evident that Mr. De Lisle preferred the 
 society of Grace to all the ladies whom he met at her evening 
 parties, when a dozen or two of friends came in to see her; for 
 she had established it as a rule, to be " at home" to a select 
 circle (in all about fifty) of her friends, on every Tuesday and 
 Friday evening. This arrangement was made with the approba- 
 
384 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 tion of her husband, and the advice of her physician, and supplied 
 her with as much society as she could well receive. As for giv 
 ing parties, or going to them, Doctor Herpin said, it was not to be 
 thought of at present. 
 
 By degrees, there congregated at her house, sometimes twenty, 
 and sometimes more, of these selected friends. Some, on their 
 way to a party, dropped in to spend an hour, and others, in re 
 turning from the opera, the concert, or the church, called in on 
 their way home ; and among them, Mr. De Lisle and Grace, by 
 her special and oft-repeated request, usually spent the entire even 
 ing with her. 
 
 Her rooms were always cheerful, and her guests were permit 
 ted to come and go without ceremony. Those who remained till 
 the close of the evening, were served with a cup of coffee or cho 
 colate and refreshments, which left their dreams undisturbed. For 
 those who loved a game of whist, there were card-tables in the 
 library; those who played chess had in the corners of her parlors 
 chessmen and boards, and so admirably were these social parties 
 managed, that none who were admitted to these pleasant reunions, 
 willingly omitted to spend an hour or two with Mrs. Smith on 
 these evenings. Here, too, those who loved music were sure to 
 find themselves gratified by the talents of her fair friends, for 
 though Mrs. Smith could neither play nor sing, she knew how to 
 task those who did ; and thus amusements and conversation were 
 delightfully interchanged, and all found themselves permitted to 
 pursue the course which their tastes and predilections prompted. 
 
 Mrs. Smith, whose eye was everywhere, knew how to group 
 her guests as was best adapted to promote the pleasure of all, with 
 a tact un perceived by those who most needed her aid. Her own 
 conversational powers shone forth in setting on foot those topics 
 with which her friends were best acquainted, and in which she 
 knew they could best amuse and instruct her circle. And gentle 
 men went home delighted, they hardly knew why, but they felt 
 they had been felicitous and agreeable, but did not divine the skill 
 by which they had been made to shine. These arts of society 
 came to Mrs. Smith almost without effort, and Mr. Smith saw, 
 with admiration, the talents evinced by his wife. He wondered 
 at himself, that he had been so long unconscious of her worth. 
 She seemed a new creation, and he reproached himself with the 
 reflection of the long years which had passed without any other 
 intercourse than was called forth by the mere details of domestic 
 life. Her various acquirements were as new to him as to his 
 friends. There was no envy in all this, but tender regret, that 
 while his wife had been thrown upon her own resources for 
 
MRS. SMITH S "EVENINGS AT HOME." 385 
 
 amusement and information, he had permitted himself to be com 
 pletely absorbed by the one pursuit of money making;. 
 
 Mrs. Smith s happiness now seemed to her as perfect as this 
 life could make it. The renewed love of her husband was a 
 constant, daily-renewed, and unspeakably delightful source of 
 heartfelt happiness. She saw his love and admiration in every 
 act, and manifested in every inflection of his voice; and there was 
 a fullness of joy she had deemed herself incapable of, in the con 
 sciousness of his increasing love and esteem. Every journey or 
 engagement which took him away from home, was now a subject 
 of his regret, and his return was looked for and welcomed with a 
 joy which rewarded him for his absence. Those who knew him 
 in the business of life were astonished at the warmth of his affec 
 tions, and he became a pattern man for the wives of all their ac 
 quaintance, and as for the husbands, they envied him the wife 
 whose powers of pleasing had survived the wear and tear of long 
 years of matrimonial life. 
 
 Mr. De Lisle had been highly gratified by the arrangement 
 which gave to him the privilege of being one of this traveling 
 party, which was now increased by his being permitted to assume 
 the charge of Mrs. Smith, in consequence of the departure of 
 Colonel and Mrs. Worth, who were about to leave the springs for 
 the far west, where the Colonel had business which now called 
 him away, and was infinitely obliged to Mrs. Smith when she 
 earnestly entreated them to leave Grace with her. And after 
 some deliberation, it was agreed she should so remain, and that 
 Mrs. Smith and Grace, and Mr. De Lisle, should meet them at 
 Niagara. From Niagara, it was agreed to journey to Quebec, 
 and thence, down the lakes, home. 
 
 One afternoon, after their departure, Mrs. Smith, Grace, and 
 Mr. De Lisle rode out to the lake ; and reaching a point where 
 the landscape wore an aspect of great beauty, Mrs. Smith pro 
 posed they should wait to watch the setting sun, and promised 
 them that she would, to while away the time, tell them the most 
 interesting incident of her life. They readily acceded to her 
 wishes, and seating themselves on a bank, she commenced the re 
 lation of her vision and conversations with the Gentleman in Black. 
 Both agreed it was one of the most surprising dreams they had 
 ever heard, and for the first time they became possessed of the 
 mental history of their dear friend. 
 
 Mr. De Lisle asked " if, indeed, she was reduced to the wretch 
 ed condition of skepticism she had described?" 
 
 " My dear sir," replied Mrs. Smith, " my opinions, and the 
 present state of my mind, have been honestly given ; and though 
 25 
 
386 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 I have, and do, wish for the certainty of faith, on a subject of 
 such vast importance, I confess, that I am now, as then, utterly 
 devoid of all hope. Life is, to me, the sum of human existence; 
 and as I feel assured there are but few more favored than myself, 
 I strive to be content with the condition in which I find myself 
 placed. Belief, or unbelief, seems, to me, one of the accidents of 
 life." 
 
 Grace was silent, but evidently grieved at the frank disclosures 
 made by one for whom she had cherished feelings of tender and 
 affectionate respect. Mr. De Lisle, too, manifested his surprise 
 and sorrow by his looks rather than his words; and Mrs. Smith 
 was too observant not to perceive the effect of her disclosures upon 
 her friends, and with the utmost candor of look and language, 
 addressing herself to Mr. De Lisle, said 
 
 "My dear friend, you are not indifferent to these subjects; 
 your views are the results of study and reflection, and I have not 
 bared my secret soul, but from the wish that you, knowing my 
 ignorance and my despair, would help me out of the labyrinth of 
 doubt in which I live. Dubiety is to me the skeleton at the head 
 of the feast which appals me, from whose presence I would most 
 gladly be relieved. I am, indeed, a child ; knowing nothing, and 
 wishing to know all things." 
 
 " My dear madam," replied Mr. De Lisle, with earnestness and 
 tender sympathy of voice, " this is the mistake you have made. 
 You are, indeed, a child, grasping at the stars, with the same con 
 fidence and expectancy that you would the play-things in your 
 lap. The religion of the Bible is a religion of faith! The very 
 exercise of faith is that which places the soul in the position of 
 filial affection towards God, the Creator, and of the trust and reli 
 ance which are so lovely in children towards their parents, and so 
 fitting for the highest intellects toward God. I can conceive of no 
 method so admirably fitted for the training of intelligent beings, 
 (such as we know ourselves to be,) as the one God has devised. 
 It must be perfect, for it is His plan. Such were the views of 
 Paul, and such is the heartfelt experience of Christians in all ages, 
 and of all conditions of mental culture. We must teach our souls 
 submission, and believe that what we know not now, we shall know 
 hereafter." 
 
 "All this may be so," replied Mrs. Smith, "but pity me, if you 
 cannot justify me, in entertaining the questionings which will arise 
 in my mind, whenever I attempt to think of God and his govern 
 ment of this world. There seems to me no power in the specula 
 tions I have read, sufficient, to charm down that spirit of unrest 
 which is the malady of my mind." 
 
 " Dear Mrs. Smith," said Mr. De Lisle, " these are doubts which 
 
THE ENIGMA OF LIFE DISCUSSED. 387 
 
 no mind can solve. We are compelled, by the very conditions of 
 our being, * t await the great teacher, death, and God adore. " 
 
 "But," said Mrs. Smith, "there is ever before me, a dark and 
 unfathomable gulf of mystery, which no arguments I have ever 
 heard can close up. Man to me seems an enigma unresolved. 
 His birth, and progress and decline are all alike vanity and vexa 
 tion of spirit ." 
 
 "And yet," replied Mr. De Lisle, "can such a creature as man, 
 so wonderfully endowed, with such aspirations of soul, such long 
 ings for immortality, be, indeed, the creature of time? Can it be 
 that God has made such a being to be bounded by such a life? 
 * Is life a dream, as Shakspeare says, rounded by a sleep the 
 sleep of oblivion?" 
 
 " Well," said Mrs. Smith, "we will assume, then, that man is 
 not created for a day, but for eternity, and therefore, man is not 
 created in vain. So long as any one can confine his thoughts to 
 those who are yearning for the time which is clearly to disclose 
 the counsels of Omnipotence, and fully to develop and to exercise 
 the deathless capacities of the human soul ; to those who are 
 laboring, day and night, to prepare themselves for that hour of 
 retribution, which shall unveil all hidden things, and make straight 
 all that is oblique to our eye ; so long as any man can fix his 
 thoughts on spirits of this stamp, so long will this argument appear 
 bright and impenetrable as the whole armor of God. But then, 
 unhappily, there will, from time to time, rush in upon the mind 
 the thoughts of those innumerable myriads, who approach the 
 gate of death without any apparent consciousness of the vanity of 
 their condition here; without one desire which points towards any 
 further completion of their destiny ; without a wish, and often 
 without an opportunity, to seize upon the golden chain which the 
 Saviour has suspended from the eternal throne, in order that 
 thereby he may draw upwards all men unto himself. And what 
 shall be said of these? Not, most certainly, that they are created 
 in vain: for, whatever may be their lot hereafter, (if the Bible be 
 true,) it cannot without impiety be doubted, that it shall illustrate 
 before the universe, the wisdom, the goodness and the righteous 
 ness of God. I think, dear Mr. De Lisle, it must be confessed, that 
 this same argument, which triumphantly rescues the constitution 
 of the world from the imputation of vanity, leaves a still more 
 fearful shadow hanging over the fate of that vast portion of the 
 human race, of which, it may well be said, it were good for them 
 that they had never been born ! That they were not made in vain^ 
 is a consideration which scarcely can assuage the perplexity, and 
 anguish, and the terror with which the anticipation of their fu 
 ture doom must ever weigh down the heart of every one who has 
 
388 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 * thoughts that wander through eternity. Such are reserved for 
 a state, according to the Bible, unspeakably more dreadful than 
 vanity ; the blackness of darkness may be their abode forever. 
 
 "There is," continued Mrs. Smith, with a tone of deep melan 
 choly, " something inexpressibly appalling in the reflection, not that 
 man, through much discipline and tribulation must enter into the 
 kingdom of heaven, but that, in such an overpowering multitude 
 of instances, the discipline and tribulation appear to fail of their 
 effect: so that millions upon millions, who, being mortals, would 
 be the heirs of vanity, must, in their immortality, be the heirs of 
 perdition!" 
 
 Mrs. Smith ceased, the tears were in her eyes, and she sat 
 silent. Grace, deeply moved, put her arms round her waist, and 
 leaned her head upon her shoulder as if to express her sorrow and 
 her sympathy, an act of tenderness of which Mrs. Smith was 
 sensible, for, wiping away her tears, she kissed Grace affectionately. 
 Mr. De Lisle, who had sat musing, now replied : 
 
 "My dear friend, I fully enter into all these painful conditions 
 of doubt by which you are surrounded. Man can never find out 
 God to perfection ; all the enigmas of life can never be solved on 
 this side of the grave. And when we muse on these fearful 
 topics of thought, there is room for meditation even to madness. 
 We want certainty, where all must be dubiety. We need some 
 thing to soothe the pangs of the trembling and sensitive inquirer; 
 to still the waverings of those that are in search of rest, and to 
 rebuke the taunting spirit which is ever stimulating the soul of 
 the doubter to the depths of skepticism. It is, I am well aware, 
 one thing to show that man, as a creature of this world only, is 
 walking in a vain show, the pageant of a dream, and disquieting 
 himself for naught : but it is another, and a far more arduous thing, 
 to grapple with the searchings of the heart, which must frequently 
 arise when pondering on the fate of those immense numbers who 
 seem content with vanity, and at ease beneath the bondage of cor 
 ruption. When musing on such subjects, we feel almost impelled 
 to break forth in the boldness which, sometimes, JEHOVAH per 
 mitted to his servants the prophets, and to exclaim : Righteous 
 art thou, O Lord, when I plead with thee; yet let me reason with 
 Thee of thy judgments! Why is it that thy Spirit striveth not 
 unconquerably with the wicked till they become weary of vanity, 
 and are awakened and subdued by the benignity of Him who 
 is the power of God, and the Wisdom of God ? Why is it that 
 thy salvation is still like a light that shineth in a dark place? 
 Why is it that, if thou hast not made men in vain, it should seem 
 as if thou hast redeemed them in vain? But to all such ques- 
 
THE ENIGMA OF LIFE. 389 
 
 tionings of the soul, there is this reply Shall not the Lord of 
 the whole earth do right ? This, to an humble Christian, is a full 
 reply. He rests on the attributes of God, and trusts Him when 
 and where he cannot trace Him. God s judgments are a great 
 deep. We soon get into deep waters in our attempts to fathom 
 them, and our cry must be, Lord, save! or I perish. " 
 
 Grace had thus far sat an absorbed listener, and for the first time 
 in her life, heard of questionings which were as painful as they were 
 novel. She fully sympathized with her friend Mrs. Smith, while 
 she heartily approved of the remarks made by Mr. De Lisle. She 
 felt herself prompted to speak, but the fear of falling short of the 
 subject, kept her silent. And while she gazed upon her dear 
 Mrs. Smith, with a tender sorrow for her skepticism, there was a 
 feeling of admiration for the reach of thought she discovered in all 
 she said. 
 
 The piety which lived in the breast of Grace, had grown with 
 her growth, and she could not well remember the discipline 
 through which she passed in becoming a Christian. As they 
 were sitting thus silent, the splendors of a gorgeous sunset were 
 before them. The lake was bathed in light, and all around them 
 spoke of the splendor of the Deity, whose present and instant crea 
 tive mind gave form and color to every cloud heaped up in the 
 depths of heaven, for their admiring gaze. 
 
 " Dear Mrs. Smith," said Grace, breaking the silence, " I have 
 listened to all that has been said with the utmost interest and 
 attention. And I would, in addition to what Mr. De Lisle has so 
 well said, add my little contribution to the motives of action which, 
 I hope, may lead you out of doubt to confidence and the assurance 
 of faith. But you must begin at the alphabet of piety. You 
 must offer, in deep sincerity of soul, the prayer of the poor man 
 in the Gospel Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief T God 
 will not quench the glimmering wick but you are grasping ai 
 the mysteries of earth and heaven. How much better to attain 
 the piety of Cowper, as expressed in his beautiful hymn, God 
 moves in a mysterious way. 
 
 "Dear Grace, repeat it to us," said Mrs. Smith. She did so; 
 and when she had finished " Oh ! how sweet and lovely," ex 
 claimed Mrs. Smith, "does piety appear in the mind of Cowper! 
 Happiness only can be found in God, and in being like him !" 
 and Mrs. Smith was again silent. The sun was down the 
 brightness of the heavens was now lessening the party rose, and 
 returned to their carriage, and in an unbroken silence they reached 
 the hotel. 
 
 As we have seen, Mrs. Smith deemed herself unchanged in 
 her skepticism. But our readers will, we think, have perceived 
 
390 , PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 that in this she had deceived herself that unrest, which she calls 
 " the malady of her mind," would not permit her to be quiet at 
 the point of profound indifference, which is only attained when 
 the Spirit of God has taken leave of the soul forever. Indeed, 
 she had, unconsciously to herself, been brought under influences 
 different from any in which she had ever been placed, and the 
 effect of these influences is indicated, we think, by the course of 
 her conversation, which we have repeated. The Holy Scriptures, 
 for the first time in her life, had become the subject of earnest 
 and sincere investigation. 
 
 And for this mental discipline and progress, she was indebted 
 to the new friendships she had formed, in Colonel and Mrs. 
 Worth, and their daughter, and Mr. De Lisle. Her love for 
 these friends inspired her with respect for the principles that con 
 trolled them, and led to the inquiry, "Why are these persons so 
 dear to me? Why is it that I am drawn, as by an irresistible 
 impulse, to seek their society ?" She was not long in discover 
 ing the secret of their attractions to her, to exist in the lovely ex 
 emplifications of Christianity which they, in different degrees and 
 combinations, exhibited in every act of their lives. 
 
 Mrs. Smith had been saved, by her good sense, from being a 
 propagandist of any of the opinions she had entertained. She 
 never had been sure they would be the last results to which she 
 should reach, and had acted accordingly. Indeed, she had so 
 many examples of the absurdity of a different course, that she in 
 no instance departed from the rule of conduct she had prescribed 
 to herself. And whenever any of these topics were introduced 
 in her circle, she always assumed the position of an inquirer a 
 course of conduct which it would be well for these " free inquir 
 ers" more uniformly to adopt. 
 
 In Grace she saw the innocence of a devotional mind, to whom 
 all the truths of the Bible were unquestioned verities: she loved 
 the sweet serenity of her faith, and wished it was her own. For 
 Mrs. Worth, she learned to entertain the highest respect. Her 
 range of thought was far transcending anything Mrs. Smith had 
 ever before known. Her mind had been cradled and nurtured 
 in the atmosphere of science and religion. She had early stu 
 died profoundly the philosophy of the mind and the science of 
 theology, under the master minds of the day, at whose feet she 
 had literally sat a delighted scholar. From Mrs. Worth she de 
 rived new sources of thought, and to her she opened her whole 
 soul, and was too happy to find she had not lost either her love 
 or confidence ; difficulties, which had once been deemed insur 
 mountable, became as mole hills, and doubts insoluble were solved, 
 and truths, before repugnant or obscure, were placed in new as- 
 
STATE OF MRS. SMITH S RELIGIOUS OPINIONS. 391 
 
 pects, and made to harmonize with the attributes and Word of 
 God, and the clearest deductions of the reason. 
 
 Unconsciously to herself, Mrs. Smith had become a pupil of 
 Mrs. Worth ; and whenever alone, the topics of all others to which 
 their conversation tended, and upon which they loved to dwell, 
 were those best calculated to lead the mind of Mrs. Smith out of 
 the labyrinth of doubt in which she was involved. 
 
 With Mr. De Lisle she had never before communicated her 
 peculiar sentiments; but the absence of Mrs. Worth left in her 
 mind the need of some one to supply her place; and she had 
 sought, on this afternoon, to make a full disclosure of her mental 
 history both to Mr. De Lisle and to Grace ; and, as is common in 
 such cases, she made out her condition far more hopeless than it 
 really was. It may, perhaps, be questioned whether it was well 
 to have said these things to Grace, who might have remained in 
 happy ignorance of such doubts ; and she had thought so, and 
 had communicated her impression to Mrs. Worth ; but her mother 
 said that, though they might, and doubtless would perplex the mind 
 of Grace, yet this would be a mental discipline which would be 
 useful to her; and as these doubts and difficulties existed, they 
 would, in some way, and at some time, be presented to her mind, 
 and they could not be better presented than by herself, in the pre 
 sence of Mr. De Lisle. So sustained, Mrs. Smith acted as we 
 have seen. 
 
 At supper every shade of pensiveness was obliterated from the 
 face of Mrs. Smith. Doyle had seated himself beside her at 
 the table, and was more amusing than usual ; and Col. Green 
 wood had led Adela and Grace to seats on the other side of the 
 table, and helped to show oft "his young protege" as Grace was 
 playfully called by him. Mrs. Smith was earnestly invited by 
 Doyle to be at the assembly on that evening ; Mrs. Tripp was 
 sick, and could not accompany Miss Adela, and he was in de 
 spair if she refused. She said, "she could not go unless Grace 
 would also go;" and, after much canvassing, and prayers, and 
 entreaties, Grace consented, and the party was made up, and the 
 ladies withdrew to dress. 
 
 At the ball, Mrs. Smith appeared in her liveliest mood of sport 
 ive gayety, and conversed with Col. Greenwood with more than 
 her accustomed joyousness of manner, and danced with him 
 through several sets of cotillions, leaving De Lisle to play the 
 agreeable to Grace, As Grace sat looking on the gay scene be 
 fore her, her face assumed a thoughtful aspect, and Mr. De Lisle 
 addressed her playfully, 
 
 " A penny for your thoughts, Miss Grace." 
 
 Grace was taken by surprise, but with her accustomed truth- 
 
392 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 fulness, replied, "I was wondering how our friend, Mrs. Smith, 
 could wear such an air of gayety. Our conversation seems for 
 gotten, and no one could believe that she could be the subject of 
 thoughts, so dark and fearful as they seem to me, now that she 
 wears so bright and joyous a look." 
 
 "Ah, Miss Worth, Mrs. Smith is the type of a class more 
 numerous than you are at all aware of. Mrs. Smith has out 
 spoken what most, if possible, conceal from themselves. The 
 shadows of the future checker the festivities of the gay, but 
 they fly with the greater eagerness from thoughts they dare not 
 look full in the face, and in the earnestness of their pursuits after 
 pleasure, strive to forget themselves. It is this rebound which we 
 see in Mrs. Smith. The misery of man is never so plainly seen 
 as in the various expedients made to get rid of self-consciousness. 
 Why do these groups wear the aspect of so much joyousness ? 
 Is it that they are happy ?" inquired Mr. De Lisle. 
 
 " They certainly look so," replied Grace, timidly ; " but perhaps 
 the scope of your meaning is not perceived by me. To be hap 
 py, we must be the subject of pleasurable emotions ; now may 
 not these be excited in such a gay scene as this ? And if so, 
 why are they not happy ?" 
 
 "My dear Miss Worth," replied Mr. De Lisle, "to be happy, 
 we must, as you say, be possessed of pleasurable emotions ; but 
 these must arise from such as are adapted to satisfy the wants of 
 the soul. The excitement of this ball, like that of gaming, is suc 
 cessful only so far as it absorbs the soul, and wrapping it for the 
 time in forgetfulness of itself. The hour of recess of excitement 
 brings with it a sense of its poverty, and, perhaps, to minds in 
 some degree enlightened, the stings of remorse." 
 
 The cotillion broke up, and, at this moment, Col. Greenwood 
 and Mrs. Smith, Adela, and Doyle, rejoined them, and so put an 
 end to this conversation. 
 
 " Dearest Grace, I have promised Col. Greenwood the pleasure 
 of dancing the next set with you, and myself the pleasure, the 
 distinguished honor, of dancing with Mr. De Lisle. Oh, you 
 need not say one word, my child ; you must do so, or we shall all 
 be most miserable. Shall we not, Colonel ?" said Mrs. Smith. 
 
 The Colonel now spoke for himself, and the many difficulties 
 presented by Grace were all overruled, and as Mr. De Lisle only 
 waited her consent to lead Mrs. Smith to her place in the set 
 called for by the master of ceremonies, Grace reluctantly gave her 
 hand to Col. Greenwood, and, for the first time in her life, took 
 her position at a public assembly. The cotillion was a delightful 
 one. Col. Greenwood was especially attentive, and at once en 
 tered into the timidity of Grace, and by his skill and attentions, 
 
RIDES AT THE SPRINGS. 393 
 
 soon dispersed all her fears as to her success ; and as for Adela, 
 she feared no rivalry with Grace or Mrs. Smith, and danced with 
 all her accustomed grace and spirit when the partner of the gay 
 Irishman. The dance over, they all seated themselves again, 
 and the Colonel retained his seat next Grace during the evening. 
 And after spending an hour in looking on the waltzing and Span 
 ish dances, in which the Mexicans and their partners, the Van 
 Dams, and Katrine Van Tromp, Doyle, and Adela, were con 
 spicuous, Mrs. Smith recalled Adela to her seat, and at an hour, 
 late for herself and for Grace, but much too early for Doyle and 
 Adela, she withdrew, under the escort of Mr. De Lisle, Col. 
 Greenwood, and Lieutenant Doyle. 
 
 The next day after the assembly, Colonel Greenwood made his 
 call on Mrs. Smith and Grace, accompanied by Doyle. He 
 spoke of the distinguished honor he felt Miss Worth had conferred 
 upon him, by making her first essay at dancing in public with 
 him ; and that he had called to make his acknowledgments, and 
 to invite them to ride with himself and Doyle towards sunset on 
 horseback, and turning to Mr. De Lisle, said," I have a horse for 
 you, and one for Miss Adela," who happened to be present. 
 
 Mrs. Smith at once accepted, but Grace declined; she had no 
 riding habit. 
 
 " Nor indeed have I," said Mrs. Smith. " Colonel, I fear we 
 must give it up, unless I can buy, beg or borrow suitable habits. 
 I assure you I will try, and do not despair." 
 
 And with the zeal which always characterized her, in despite 
 of all the dissuasions of Grace, who said she was as poor at riding 
 as at dancing, Mrs. Smith left the gentlemen to Grace and Adela, 
 and sat out in search of all the equipage necessary for an excur 
 sion on horseback: and making her wants extensively known, 
 her room was soon filled with caps, boddices, riding skirts of 
 dresses, in all possible profusion: so there was no excuse, and 
 " a riding they must go;" and it was a most delightful ride to the 
 whole party. Grace acquitted herself with most entire success, and 
 to the admiration of all her friends ; openly arid warmly expressed 
 by the colonel, and in terms no less gratifying to her ear from 
 Mr. De Lisle. And during the week, they usually rode out to 
 gether during some part of the day. Time was thus slipping 
 away very pleasantly to our friends, Mrs. Tripp only excepted. 
 Tis true she found ample time to present in a proper light Mr. 
 Winterbottom s deportment, and to say how poor Adela was buoyed 
 up in her spirits by the confident expectation of his speedy return, 
 and her fears for the consequences if he did not. That she was 
 almost forced into society, and feared the gloss of her affected 
 spirits would be seen through even by the lookers on, and if so, 
 
394 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 how much more by her especial friends ? But so it was. She 
 shouldn t stay much longer. It was not possible for Adela to keep 
 up the face she wore, and that she rarely went out except with 
 Mrs. Smith and Mr. De Lisle, who took great interest in her case, 
 and thought it was every way best for her to make the effort she 
 did. And so this dear lady did the best she could, to throw dust 
 in the eyes of these clear-sighted people. It is a remark, I believe, 
 of La Rochefoucault, " No man is equally cunning at all times." 
 And it was so now. Mrs. Tripp deceived no one but herself, and 
 entirely absorbed by this one idea, she was entirely blind to what 
 might possibly happen, while she was making these long and 
 wearisome calls at her friends rooms. 
 
 If Colonel Greenwood found Mrs. Smith s parlor the most at 
 tractive one at the springs, so did Lieutenant Doyle make a 
 similar discovery of the many pleasant things with which Mrs. 
 Tripp had managed to make her parlor pleasant. It had a plea 
 sant look out of the rear of the building, for her parlor was in the 
 rear the front having been selected by her for her own private 
 room ; and, too, there was a splendid piano always open, and the 
 most perfectly accomplished pianist at hand to give its harmonies 
 to the summer breeze, which, loaded with perfumes from the 
 garden, came in, as it were, by stealth, attracted by the sweet 
 sounds. 
 
 Doyle was a fine performer on the violin, one of the best of 
 which, a real stradella, he had brought with him, and he could 
 play very well on the piano. This unity of tastes and powers 
 of pleasing added greatly to the attractiveness of Mrs. Tripp s 
 parlor to Doyle, and as Adela was not permitted to walk out, he 
 came to share her confinement. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp was too much pleased with the attentions paid to 
 her by Doyle and Colonel Greenwood not to look with compla 
 cency upon these gentlemen, and as there was none to witness 
 the frequency of Doyle s visits (so she was pleased to think), and as 
 they made Adela content to remain in the seclusion she deemed so 
 desirable, she was well content he should come. As for Adela, 
 the days passed delightfully, and the evenings were charming. 
 She was actually inspired. She trod on air; she never before 
 realized her powers of pleasing, so fully as now, and they were 
 developed by one who appreciated them at their full value. 
 
 As Mrs. Tripp could not be everywhere, Doyle and Adela 
 were much alone ; but then she had cautioned Adela against going 
 too far, and Adela was a girl that could be trusted. 
 
 Alas! the folly of all and every precaution, when an Irishman, 
 and a handsome, young, joyous Irish officer, is in the case. It 
 was not necessary for Adela now to call up a look ; it was there in 
 
DOYLE AND ADELA*S DUET. 395 
 
 spite of herself. One morning, as Adela was sitting in her most 
 attractive neglige, the very dress her mother had selected as best 
 to wear in the premature decline she was so soon to enact in Ba 
 bylon, (the thought of which appeared to Adela more and more 
 preposterous, as often as it recurred to her mind, in which Mr. 
 Winterbottom stood in severe and hateful contrast with Lieut. 
 Doyle,) his tap was heard at the door, and with his wonted 
 smile and gay " good morning, Miss Tripp," he entered with a 
 roll of music in his hand. 
 
 The roll was opened, and Adela found it to consist of some 
 " duets for four hands," which, he said, he had brought her, and 
 if she was unengaged, to play over with him ; a request which 
 Adela, though alone, at once granted, so perfectly domesticated 
 had Doyle become in the week after they had commenced their 
 acquaintance. 
 
 They sat down, and went through the introduction and 
 theme with good success, but soon were in a net-work of diffi 
 culties. The passage required to be studied ; their faces were 
 brought into most dangerous proximity as they read the passage 
 together : but this was not all. Doyle s part carried his little fin 
 ger under Adela s left hand, and they smiled and then laughed 
 as they played on ; the sensation was quite electrical then they 
 broke down again. Again they studied the passage, and re 
 newed with fresh zeal their playing ; but Doyle s fingers would 
 go astray, and Adela playfully put his fingers on the right keys ; 
 then offth^y set again, but Doyle s eyes and fingers went hope 
 lessly astray, and Adela ceased playing, and looked to see what 
 was the matter. Her look was certainly a most beautiful one, 
 perfectly unaffected, and every way fascinating. Doyle could 
 not resist it, and before Adela had time for consciousness, she 
 found herself folded in his arms, and his kisses warm and long 
 on her lips. Her confusion was great, and her surprise was ex 
 pressively and painfully painted on her now glowing cheeks. 
 
 Doyle, with an air of penitence, led her to the sofa, and there 
 told her of his love, in tones and phrases the most honest and 
 truthful, and begged her to reciprocate his passion. He candidly 
 confessed that he made this avowal with the deepest conviction 
 that he had little to offer her but his affections. 
 
 Adela listened with a most confused and distracted attention. 
 She feared her mother would enter feared she was doing wrong, 
 and, finally, feared she might take a step which prudence and 
 policy would not sanction as best. But her dear mother was all 
 this while reiterating all her tale to Mrs. Van Dam of the sad 
 state of Adela s spirits her fixed purpose never to go into society 
 only when she was compelled to do so the kindness of Mrs. 
 
396 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 Smith, and her entreaties to keep Adela from the life of seclusion 
 which she seemed so resolutely determined to follow. And so 
 Adela had time to regain her self-possession, and spoke of the 
 shortness of their acquaintance, not yet two weeks, the little she 
 could know of Lt. Doyle, and the little Lt. Doyle could know of 
 her: and, indeed, talked in a most sensible and discreet manner; 
 but it must be confessed, had she selected the method best calcu 
 lated to increase the passion of her lover, she could not have done 
 better. She told him of the wishes of her parents, and their ex 
 pectations, in phrases most singularly felicitous, and as if uncon 
 sciously, her feelings of regret they had not met at an earlier day. 
 The maid coming in, the conference ended, and Lt. Doyle re 
 tired; and Adela was well satisfied it should terminate at this 
 point. It gave her time to reflect; and she lost no time in doing 
 so. Her mother now came in from her room, into which she had 
 the moment before entered, and told Adela she had been perfectly 
 successful in enlisting the sympathy of Mrs. Van Dam, whose 
 virtuous indignation had at last been successfully aroused; * and 
 now," she continued, " we must, my child, think of going home. 
 It won t do to stay here and receive the attentions of this young 
 Irishman, and next Monday we must be off." 
 
 " Next Monday ! my dear mother, and go back to Babylon in 
 the heat of summer! Who ever heard of such a thing?" 
 
 " Nobody! dear Adela, and that will help to make the matter 
 the more conspicuous. That s just what we need." 
 
 Adela sighed and said nothing but the air of sadness was 
 seen by Doyle at dinner. And he sought in vain to dispel the 
 shadows which he saw in spite of herself, rested upon her spirits. 
 He was sure it arose from his abruptness and his want of refine 
 ment, in overleaping all the bounds of courtesy in the conduct of 
 his interview with Adela. On their way to the saloon, where 
 she went "just to be seen," with her mother, for a few moments, 
 (this being a part of the course of display adopted by this good 
 lady every day,) Adela found time to whisper to him, in reply to 
 his confession of deep regret at the sadness he discovered in her 
 at dinner, that she was not angry, she had nothing to forgive, and 
 that, after supper, her mother was engaged to play whist with Mrs. 
 Van Dam, and she should be alone, and would then explain all. 
 And so it was. Mrs. Tripp was no sooner gone into Mrs. Van 
 Dam s parlor, than Lt. Doyle tapped at Adela s parlor door. 
 
 Relieved from fear of interruption, Adela told Doyle the cause 
 of her griefs, and his alarm was as great as she could desire it. 
 He renewed his declaration, again urged her acceptance of his 
 hand, his heart; and Adela found her hand clasped in his with 
 passionate eagerness, without the slightest inclination on her part 
 
397 
 
 to withdraw it. She sighed as she told him in what a network 
 of difficulties she found herself the expectations of her parents. 
 She confessed she found she had no love for Mr. Winterbottom. 
 He was, indeed, a man of great excellence and moral worth, and 
 possessed a princely fortune, but she never had any heart in this 
 matter, but had followed the dictates of her parents. Now she 
 knew she should be miserable for life, and perhaps lost forever if 
 she married a man she never could love. Doyle s heart was 
 fired by the love and sacrifices all this implied, and again told 
 her his life depended on her loving him. 
 
 " Dearest Adela, give me the highest of all expressions of your 
 confidence, and I pledge you my honor, my life shall be devoted 
 to show you how truly I deserve and prize the confidence I seek 
 my angel ! Elope with me tis our only hope of happi 
 ness !" 
 
 Adela started, and exclaimed, " Oh, no! tis impossible. What 
 would the world say? What excuse could we plead ? My pa 
 rents would never forgive me, and then, too, what would your 
 family say ? It might wear an aspect to them which would for 
 ever shut me out from their confidence and affection. Oh ! no, 
 no, I dare not." 
 
 Doyle was really sobered, and Adela thought she had gone 
 too far, and had touched a wrong note, for he paused, and was 
 lost in severe thought. 
 
 " It is all true, my beautiful Adela the risks we run are great. 
 You, my angel, sacrifice for me, a Lieutenant of the Coldstream 
 Guards, a princely fortune. I have heard all about this Mr. Win 
 terbottom since the day of our first meeting. Everybody who has 
 spoken of you has told me of your being affianced to him but 
 when I saw you, I felt it must be a marriage in which your 
 affections had no interest, and I have every day been more and 
 more fully persuaded it was so. My family, dearest Adela, are 
 of the nobility of my country my father is a younger son, dis 
 tinguished for his courage rather than his wealth. All my hopes 
 rest on my uncle, now an old man, whose wealth is great. My 
 marriage may be condemned ; it doubtless will be ; but when they 
 see you, dearest Adela, they must love you. My old uncle can t 
 resist your eyes for a single hour ! No, dearest, we are safe ! 
 we shall be happy." 
 
 And not to go on with further details, Adela agreed to elope 
 with Lieut. Doyle. And the brief hour which remained was 
 spent in telling each other how and when they first discovered 
 their mutual passion, and all that sort of things, which are of 
 the utmost importance to be settled, with as much precision as the 
 meridian of a recently erected Observatory. It was certain Doyle 
 
398 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 had no reason to complain of any confusion of dates, or circum 
 stances in Adela s confessions. They were full and perfectly 
 satisfactory, and confirmed in the agreeable way adopted on such 
 occasions. The plans for the accomplishment of this grand event 
 were forestalled by the pleasure they took in determining this 
 most interesting of all data. 
 
 Adela, having instructed her maid to say to her mother she 
 had been alone all the evening, and not feeling well, had retired, 
 went to bed. For the first night in her life she was kept awake 
 by her thoughts. Heretofore she had kept others waking by her 
 fascinations, but now, for one night at least, she was unable to sleep. 
 Her cogitations were full of clear views of all the advantages and 
 disadvantages of the step she was about to take. That she should 
 be roasted alive by her set in Babylon was to be expected. Of 
 that she cared little or nothing, for she should be on the other side 
 of the Atlantic or in the snows of Canada. Doyle had no doubt 
 told her the truth. The old uncle was the mine to be opened to 
 supply her wants ; and she felt confident of her success with him. 
 She fancied meeting him drawn up to his height, determined to 
 resist her advances. She went through the scene in all its varie 
 ties, and saw her success in the mixing, with all possible grace, 
 his whisky-toddy, and sitting on his knee while he drank it. In 
 deed there could be no question of the result. Then she thought 
 of her presentation at court, and her chances of success as an 
 American beauty. Beauty, she had heard, was the leveler of all 
 the distinctions of rank in England ; and there came thronging 
 into her mind the devotion of earls and of dukes the opera, and 
 the drawing-rooms of royalty. 
 
 Then Mr. Winterbottom and his house looked like a mud cot 
 tage in the comparison an old man, how hateful ! She would 
 turn him over to Josephine. And now should she tell her mo 
 ther? This was long a debateable question, and finally deter 
 mined in the affirmative. This done, she fell asleep. 
 
 And so the next morning Adela made her mother acquainted 
 with her fixed and firm resolve to elope with Lieut. Doyle. She 
 affirmed her unflinching determination never to rnarry Mr. Win 
 terbottom under any possible condition of circumstances. She told 
 her of Doyle s family, not forgetting the rich old uncle, and the 
 certainty she felt of her success with him, and at the court and 
 then, too, Josephine might come forward, and, if she pleased, marry 
 Mr. Winterbottom. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp listened in silent astonishment at first, but gradually 
 the clouds lifted, and when Adela had come to a close, she em 
 braced her, and said she deserved to be a queen, and she hoped 
 she might one day see her one. She expressed her admiration 
 
ADELA s ARRANGEMENT FOR ELOPING. 399 
 
 of her success, and agreed to send for a supply of money and 
 some shawls, which AdeJa wished to be possessed of. And, enter 
 ing with enthusiasm into her plans, promised Adela a thousand 
 dollars a year, if necessary, until her plans had been fully accom 
 plished. 
 
 Adela was triumphant ! her step was buoyant, and her looks 
 bright. Doyle was delighted beyond measure. Mrs. Tripp was 
 counselor to all Adela s plans. It was deemed by her of the first 
 importance that the marriage ceremony should be performed by 
 a Catholic priest, and a clergyman of the Church of England. 
 And this being communicated to Doyle, he sought among the 
 visitants at the springs for these very important personages, and 
 happily there was discovered the rector of one of the English 
 Episcopal Churches in Canada, on a visit to the springs, and a 
 no less important person than fJohn of Babylon the Less. So far 
 all was well. While awaiting for the money, and the bundle from, 
 home, Adela emerged from her seclusion, and was once more to be 
 seen in the saloon, in the highest health and gayety of heart a 
 great change from the pensive aspect she had assumed for a fort 
 night past. In the meanwhile, Mrs. Tripp announced her pur 
 pose of returning on the next Monday, and had secured the escort 
 of Mr. Thompson, a merchant returning to Babylon, to take charge 
 of Adela and herself. She acted her part to perfection, keeping 
 up her daily intercourse with the Van Dams and Van Tromps, 
 and speaking, with a fainter tone, complained of Mr. Winter- 
 bottom s inexplicable conduct. 
 
 Adela improved the time to the utmost. She sought to con 
 ciliate Mrs. Smith and Grace, and the esteem of Mr. De Lisle, and 
 it is certain that, during their stay at the springs, she had succeeded 
 in a good degree to interest them by her fine manners, and her 
 many accomplishments. Nor was she less solicitous to appear well 
 in the eyes of Col. Greenwood; but he had seen too many of just 
 such fine ladies, and saw beneath this polished exterior, the utter 
 heartlessness of the young lady, when she affected to be all heart. 
 His attentions were concentrated on Grace, whom he always 
 welcomed with a warm and affectionate smile, and sought by his 
 attentions to please. Not that he evinced the slightest wish by 
 any act, to win her affections. They were all strangers at the 
 springs. Time hung heavy on them all, and was best spent by 
 mutual courtesy. He spoke often of the pleasure he should re 
 ceive by meeting them at Quebec, to which place he should return 
 now in a very few days, and be ready to welcome them there. 
 
 The Sunday evening came, and the gathering in Mrs. Smith s 
 parlor broke up at an early hour, as was usual. Adela kissed 
 
400 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 the ladies with warmth and tenderness on taking leave of them, 
 which was unusual, but still unremarked at the time. 
 
 When Mrs. Tripp and Adela entered Adela s chamber, there 
 was yet one thing to be done, and but one thing. Mrs. Tripp s 
 trunks and Adela s were packed, all ready for their departure. 
 Adela s to be removed at daybreak, and Mrs. Tripp s, when the 
 train left at eleven o clock in the morning. Adela s to go to the 
 North, and her dear mother s down the river. 
 
 " My child, there now remains but one thing more to be attended 
 to, and I have left it to this last hour, that it might be attended to 
 in the best possible manner. It is to write a letter to your father 
 and myself." 
 
 "Oh, yes," replied Adela, "I have been thinking of that my 
 self, and I will set about it." So saying, Adela opened her port 
 folio, and commenced writing. 
 
 " Do you think it should be a long letter or a short one ?" asked 
 Adela. 
 
 "A short one, my dear ; but let it be one of deep feeling. Con 
 dense your thoughts, and make them tell. Sorrow is always 
 brief, when really felt. Be as brief as may be." 
 
 And so Adela made a beginning, and ere she was aware of it, 
 was under the necessity of turning over the leaf; her mother sat 
 by in perfect silence, and Adela was at the bottom of the second 
 page before she had come to an end, and then on the third page 
 wrote a postscript, which all but overrun the entire page. 
 
 When she had written for the last time in her life the name of 
 Tripp, she handed it to her mother, who read it carefully from 
 beginning to end. 
 
 "It is entirely too diffuse, my child; it enters into too many 
 particulars, and is wanting in intensity of expression." 
 
 " Dear mother, do you take the pen, and erase all you think 
 best," said Adela. 
 
 "No," said Mrs. Tripp. " I prefer you should do so yourself. 
 That allusion to Mr. Winterbottom must be suppressed entirely. 
 This letter, child, is for general use. I must read it to all our 
 friends here, and they have neither patience to read all this, nor 
 credulity to believe it, if they did. Feeling, at a separation from 
 your home, is natural and fitting, and all beside is mere verbiage. 
 You need enter into no defence of your conduct ; that is indefen 
 sible." 
 
 And so there was along confab, in which every expression was 
 modified so as to "pile up the agony" all the expressions of love 
 to her dear father, who was a most important person to be con 
 ciliated, were turned and twisted till the words fell into their pro 
 per places as perfectly as the pieces of wood in a dissected map. 
 
ADELA TRIPP S LETTER TO HER PARENTS. 401 
 
 All this being accomplished, Adela made a fair copy, and handed 
 it to her mother to read over. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp, in the most natural manner possible, for she was 
 sincere, after having read the letter, looked up from the paper, and 
 said to Adela, " Here are the words, Adela, but where are the 
 tears ?" 
 
 Adela threw down the pen, and burst into a fit of inextinguish 
 able mirth "Sure enough, where are they? I can call spirits 
 from the vasty deep, but will they come ? I really can t conjure 
 up tears on demand to-night." 
 
 The mother looked with surprise at her child s mirthfulness. 
 " Tears, Adela, are essentially necessary and natural to be shown 
 upon such a letter as this ; they are as necessary as the ink ; they 
 are spoken of, and must be exhibited ; both ink and tears are re 
 quired alike in the expressions of the emotions here spoken of. 
 I do not require you to weep. God grant you never may have 
 cause to weep over the doubtful and perilous step you are about 
 to take." 
 
 " Well, mother, this is a secret you havn t told me. I am ready 
 to learn, but I am utterly unable to shed the tears spoken of now. 
 I am sure I shall weep when this affair is all over;" and Adela 
 gave signs of natural sorrow, which, if encouraged, \vould doubt 
 less have supplied all the tears requisite even in the judgment of 
 her mother. But Mrs. Tripp was not in a melting mood. She had 
 braced up her nerves to go through this scene, and by a strong 
 will, closed up every avenue of tears and sorrow, which could be 
 of no service now, and would prevent her from doing what was 
 so necessary to be well done. 
 
 She rose and rung the bell, making no reply to Adela, and 
 seemed to take no notice of Adela s sensibility. The maid came 
 into the room, and received orders to bring in a salt-cellar of salt. 
 Adela sat now wondering at what might next be done, and \vas 
 diverted from the sad thoughts which had come crowding into her 
 mind. 
 
 On receiving the salt, Mrs. Tripp made a strong solution of it, 
 and tried its strength by dropping it on a clean sheet of paper, and 
 drying the drops by the blaze of the candles, until the mixture 
 had attained the proper intensitjr. All this while both mother 
 and daughter sat silent. So soon as Mrs. Tripp had satisfied her 
 self of the fitness of the solution to suit the purpose of shedding 
 tears, she told Adela to take the feather of the pen, and shed the 
 tears as she deemed most appropriate. 
 
 "I think," said Mrs. Tripp, "the first and second sentences 
 may be left unspotted. Emotion prompting tears would naturally 
 arise and manifest itself toward the close of the letter. This pass- 
 26 
 
402 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 age, I think, is touching, and will bear a few tears: The image 
 of my most precious father stands before me ! I recall all his love 
 and kindness ! And you, O dear mother, and my dear, dear sis 
 ters! I shudder at the terrible consciousness that I am separating 
 myself for life from all I love, and all who love me ; my heart 
 sinks, and dissolves in tears. " 
 
 Adela dipped the tip of the feather of her pen, and shed her 
 tears plentifully over this passage, to her mother s entire satis 
 faction. 
 
 " Now," said Mrs. Tripp, " the fourth and last sentence," for 
 Mrs. Tripp had been most mercilessly severe upon all the fine 
 things Adela had found it in her heart to say, and had confined her 
 letter to a single page: 
 
 " God only knows whether the step I take leads to a life of 
 happiness or misery! But I must follow the irresistible prompt 
 ings of love and destiny." 
 
 " A few tears over the word destiny" said Mrs. Tripp. * I like 
 that word; it is very felicitous; it means everything and nothing, 
 but has a fine effect in this place. Now, Adela, expend your tears 
 plentifully here," pointing to the close, which read in these words : 
 
 " In life and in death in joy and in sorrow, you, oh my father, 
 my most precious father! and you, oh my mother, my sisters, will 
 live in present remembrance. Oh do not discard me from your 
 hearts ! pardon me pity me! and love me with the unchanging 
 
 and undying love which now rends the heart of 
 
 " ADELA TRIPP." 
 
 " To my precious parents, and to my dear, dear sisters." 
 
 Adela all but obliterated the closing words, and her name was 
 rendered perfectly illegible. " Will that do, mother ?" said she, 
 smiling, as she laid down the pen. 
 
 "Seal it," said the mother; "and select the seal having the 
 motto Believe me. " Adela folded her letter, and placing it 
 under an envelop, sealed it as directed. 
 
 " Drop a tear near the seal," said the mother. It was done. 
 " Now direct it My mother. " Adela did so. " Now a few tears 
 on those words." They were duly shed. 
 
 "And now, my child," said her mother, assuming her seat in 
 the spacious chair in which she was sitting, " this is done ; and 
 before we separate, I have a few words to say, which I wish you 
 to listen to with all attention. They may be the last I shall ever" 
 here Mrs. Tripp s voice faltered ; but in an instant she recovered 
 herself, and in measured tones and with perfect emphasis, she 
 proceeded. 
 
 " Doyle, my dear Adela, is a man of warm and generous im- 
 
MRS. TRIPP S INSTRUCTIONS TO ADELA. 403 
 
 pulses, and as a first duty to him and yourself, you must study his 
 character. Be sure and find out all his strong points, as well as 
 his weak ones. Women make great mistakes on this head, and 
 seek only for those points they can most successfully play upon, 
 to secure their ascendency, and so gratify their self-love. This 
 you must avoid. It is of course a matter of the first importance 
 to know how to manage your husband ; but don t begin with his 
 failings, and forget his virtues ; for when you cease to respect 
 your husband, you are on the high road to despise him." 
 
 Adela arched her eyebrows with surprise. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp went on : " A girl of your sagacity will not be long 
 in finding out the best methods, by which your husband can be 
 induced to relinquish his own wishes, when they come in conflict 
 with your own. But I warn you, k nse your spiritings gently? 
 but having once made a demand, never relinquish it. Let him 
 understand that, and it will save you a world of trouble. And 
 from time to time, as proper occasions offer, let him feel the reins, 
 and you will learn to guide him at your pleasure. 
 
 "You will doubtless meet a great many very attractive gentle 
 men, men of superior rank and fashion even to your husband, 
 who will render you the tribute of their praise. Be sure, Adela, 
 that you keep in rigid abeyance your love of admiration. With 
 Doyle this must be a severe and difficult task. Not to excite 
 admiration, will be to inspire the fear that he has married an ordi 
 nary woman, of no character or attractiveness ; while, on the other 
 hand, to make the slightest manifestation of seeking admiration, 
 will be extremely hazardous. There must be a great many gay, 
 fashionable and indolent men in the garrison, who will be glad to 
 be amused. Make your home circle as attractive as you can, but 
 out of it, be the very pattern of propriety. Remember this, my 
 child, as you hope for happiness with your husband, or success in 
 society. 
 
 " In your intercourse with women, I urge upon you to be free 
 from all guile. Use no honeyed words with them, and no flattering 
 arts." 
 
 Adela was all astonishment, but said nothing ; her mother saw 
 the look, but was in no humor now to suspend her remarks. She 
 went on in an unchanged tone. 
 
 "Women, my child, well understand each other; and they 
 never love one of their number who possesses in any great degree 
 the power of attractiveness, if exerted over their husbands, their 
 lovers or their friends. You may be certain your department is 
 just what it ought to be, when you find yourself an object of con 
 fidence and friendship of the ladies around you. There is no 
 better criterion of conduct than this. There is no false glare, no 
 
404 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 speciousness of manners, which can long deceive your female 
 friends. In your intercourse with them, be truthful^ kind, affec 
 tionate and sincere ; but I warn you, make no confidants of them. 
 If circumstances arise which demand the counsel and aid of a con 
 fidential friend, seek some gentleman whose honor and integrity 
 are unquestioned such men never betray the confidence of a 
 woman. 
 
 "You will see the necessity of my counsels, my child, when 
 you reflect upon the position in which you will be placed in the 
 circles to which you are about to be introduced. It is well to look 
 at things as they are. In all probability you will be looked upon 
 as a designing and successful dupe, who has secured a prize by 
 an alliance with a young man of noble family. Such, I think, will 
 be the first and universal impression on all the friends of Doyle 
 in Canada and in England, and the least slip of yours will betray 
 you. You now see the justness of the advice I have given you. 
 Assume, therefore, Adela, the aspect of an affectionate and artless 
 girl, full of earnest enthusiasm, of love for her husband; conduct 
 yourself as you can conceive Grace Worth would do, if by any 
 possibility she could be placed in your position: and by degrees 
 this feeling will give place to the sentiment that Doyle has cap 
 tured a beautiful girl, whose heart he has carried by storm. 
 
 " Beware lest a furtive look, or a lurking sneer should betray 
 you ! And trust no one, least of all your maid. Let the saying 
 of Marshal Saxe be falsified in your history. Be the same loving, 
 artless girl to her that you are to all around you, for she will be 
 tampered with. All the mothers and daughters and widows who 
 would gladly have captured Doyle, will deem you an intruder, 
 and will seek by all means to discover your secret. Beware, 
 Adela, I say it again, of your waiting maid. 
 
 " Do not let yourself be betrayed by the winning confidence 
 which will be sought to be placed in you by designing women, 
 speaking scandal of the members of your circle. When so ap 
 proached, assume the air of one who cannot believe an ill-natured 
 remark; that you are sure there must have been some misconcep 
 tion, and perhaps misrepresentation. They will doubtless call 
 you a fool and a simpleton, but they will in their inmost hearts 
 feel, how easily one so unsuspecting and credulous, could have 
 been led to believe in the professions of love made by Doyle, and 
 this will help you to compel them to the belief that you are indeed 
 a most unsuspecting, artless girl. 
 
 " And now as to your religion, Adela ; you are to have no reli 
 gious opinions, but show yourself possessed of religious senti 
 ment. They are not necessarily connected. Go to the Episcopal 
 Church but once and in the morning of every Sabbath, and take 
 
405 
 
 Doyle with you : indeed, insist on his accompanying 1 you. He 
 may object it may be a new thing to him; but he will love you 
 the better for the sacrifices he thus makes, and prize you the more 
 highly; for, whatever may be the latitude of men s opinions, they 
 love piety when gracefully exhibited in a wife. Let the first gift 
 you receive from your husband be a prayer-book, splendidly bound 
 as you please, with a gold cross on the cover. It has a very pretty, 
 pious air, and is, besides, a beautiful ornament to a Sunday-dress. 
 The velvet of the cover gives a sweet relief to the hands in which 
 it is held, and besides, admits of their being seen without display 
 to the best advantage. 
 
 " When you reach Ireland, I advise you to show all readiness 
 to listen to the claims of the Catholic Church, and inspire, if pos 
 sible, in that old bigoted uncle a desire for the salvation of your 
 soul. If this can be done, and by degrees, not too suddenly, he 
 can make a convert of you, you are safe ! To have converted you 
 to the true faith, will be a bond of affection which will tell well 
 upon the future fortunes of your husband and yourself. I am 
 sure you must see it to be so !" 
 
 Adela bowed, and replied : " My dearest mother, I never was so 
 deeply impressed with your superiority and clear-sightedness as 
 at this moment. I beg you to believe every word you have uttered 
 has sunk deeply into my heart, and shall daily be the subject of 
 my maturest reflection, and my earnest and constant effort shall 
 be to follow suggestions which I feel to be of the utmost import 
 ance, and of the first necessity." 
 
 Mrs. Tripp smiled affectionately. "I have but one word more, 
 and I will leave you. Finally, then: Never cease to be proud 
 of your native land. Never hope to win the love of those whose 
 country you have adopted as your own, by decrying the institu 
 tions of this. Defend its character only when assailed, and speak 
 of your birth-place with pride and pleasure. Remember you 
 are by birth as noble as the noblest for as a child of this repub 
 lic, you rank with the nobles and princes of all lands, for, if here 
 there are none below you, so there are none above. This should 
 never be forgotten by you. 
 
 ** In writing to me, never use blotting paper; never leave a let 
 ter unfinished; and when sealed, place your letters in the office 
 with your own hands. Such letters as are especially confidential, 
 and let these be as few as may be, seal * Dinna forget. Trust no 
 one ! I shall write you only such letters as your husband may 
 see Never any other! Whatever advice you may require, 
 must be derived from your husband only. But I have no fears 
 for your success. And now, Adela, take this ring," drawing 
 off a brilliant from her finger; " when you feel its pressure, when 
 
406 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 you see its light, remember all I have told you, and may God bless 
 you, my child, my Adela!" 
 
 So saying, Mrs. Tripp embraced Adela, and with tears took her 
 leave. Adela wept awhile, then wiping away the tears, sat a long 
 time lost in thought. She looked at her watch, and found it past 
 midnight. So making herself ready, she laid down, and soon fell 
 into a profound sleep. 
 
 The next morning, as Mrs. Smith and Grace were waiting for 
 Mr. De Lisle to go to the breakfast-hall, in rushed Mrs. Tripp, in 
 the utmost dismay, with the letter in her hand. The ladies were 
 surprised, and deeply sympathized with the distressed mother. 
 
 "Alas!" said Mrs. Tripp, "that I should have ever lived to see 
 this day ? Who would have ever believed it possible ? That Adela 
 Tripp should have eloped with a man whom she had never seen a 
 fortnight since! Of whom she knows next to nothing, and who 
 is mere lieutenant in the British Army, and may have nothing to 
 support her with but his pay. Only think of it, Mrs. Smith !" 
 
 " My dear Mrs. Tripp," replied Mrs. Smith, " Adela has indeed 
 taken a most unwise step, and one, I fear, she will live to sorrow 
 over. But it may not be so. Doyle must be a cadet of a noble 
 family, or he would not be in the Coldstream Guards. And 
 he s not so poor a man as officers of his grade usually are, or he 
 could not hold his place there. Have you seen Col. Green 
 wood ?" 
 
 " Oh, no! dear Mrs. Smith," said Mrs. Tripp, " and I am posi 
 tively ashamed to see him. Ashamed of having such a daugh 
 ter! I feel most deeply mortified at her conduct, and yet I must 
 see the Colonel. Will you ask him to call upon me after breakfast, 
 and beg him to come and see me? I shall not leave my room; I 
 don t feel as if I could see a friend in the world." 
 
 Mr. De Lisle now entered, and surprised at the looks of his 
 friends, and Mrs. Tripp weeping on the sofa, he asked the cause, 
 and as Mrs. Tripp had no words at command, Mrs. Smith told him 
 of the sad tidings of the elopement news which seemed as 
 strange to him as to his friends. After condoling with the 
 afflicted lady, and promising to bring Col. Greenwood to see her 
 after breakfast, the ladies left, and Mrs. Tripp returned to her 
 room. 
 
 On looking in the glass, she found her eyes were as swollen and 
 as red as the case demanded ; for, indeed, she had spent the night 
 in tears and wakefulness, and, though artful and unscrupulous, she 
 was a mother, and had all the affections of one. She sat in deep 
 study, anticipating the visit of Col. Greenwood, which she felt 
 must be a trial of skill, when she heard his step in the entry; 
 the door was opened by the maid, and the colonel, calm and self- 
 
COLONEL GREENWOOD AND MRS. TRIPP. 407 
 
 possessed, entered, and made his bow. Mrs. Tripp motioned him 
 to a seat. She then put up her richest laced handkerchief to her 
 eyes, hoping he would, speak; but as no word was forthcoming, 
 she commenced telling of her agony, her unutterable astonishment, 
 and then gaining courage by the silence of the colonel, she pro 
 ceeded with fluency, speaking of "Adela s folly in relinquishing 
 the fondest hopes of her parents, and the just expectations of her 
 friends, for the pay of a poor lieutenancy casting herself upon 
 a family who would probably forever reject her, and becoming an 
 outcast in a foreign land ;" and all the dismal pictures she could 
 imagine in the darkest colors. She paused, and Col. Greenwood 
 rose to go. 
 
 " Doyle has acted like a d d fool !" was the sententious re 
 ply to all this tale of woe. It was certainly very equivocal, and 
 Mrs. Tripp would gladly have heard more from him, but he left 
 all the conversation to herself. After another attempt, she really 
 did burst into tears, and Col. Greenwood expressed his deep regret 
 at the conduct of his friend, but had nothing more to say, and, as 
 Mrs. Tripp saw nothing was gained by the interview, she wept 
 on, and Col. Greenwood took his leave. 
 
 After his departure, the Van Dams and Van Tromps called in 
 a body to read the letter, and hear the distressing news, and 
 Mrs. Tripp had the happiness, for once in her life, to hear with her 
 own ears their honest opinion of her divine Adela. Happily this 
 was interrupted by the coming in of Mr. De Lisle and Mrs. Smith, 
 who, with Grace, begged to be permitted to do all she might need 
 attended to, before her departure. While they were thus all as 
 sembled, one of the English servants brought in a letter, sealed 
 with the arms of Doyle, addressed to Mrs. Tripp, which she 
 opened. It was a very brief note expressive of his devotion to 
 Adela, and pledging his life for the redemption of the pledges he 
 had the honor to transmit enclosed. These papers were the cer 
 tificates of his marriage to Adela, made out in due form by the 
 Catholic and English priests. These were handed round the cir 
 cle, and carefully examined by the Van Tromps and Van Dams, 
 especially by Katrine, who whispered an aside to Lucille, "I am 
 glad she s lawfully married. It s more than I expected." 
 
 After these kind and sympathizing friends had gone, Mrs. 
 Smith told Mrs. Tripp that Col. Greenwood had just left them. 
 That he was disposed to censure Doyle, but had made no ex 
 pression casting any censure upon Adela. What he may have 
 thought, they could not divine. But they would see Adela in 
 their journey to Quebec, and would learn all they could as to his 
 friends and family. Adela had not disgraced herself by the alli 
 ance, though she had acted most rashly in making it. But it 
 
408 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 might, after all, be a happy one. They had made no inquiries of 
 Col. Greenwood; but Mrs. Smith recollected to have heard him 
 say, when speaking of Doyle, that he was a good fellow, who 
 spent his income of two thousand a year, even in the snows of 
 Canada, from which Mrs. Smith supposed he had resources inde 
 pendent of his pay. But though this was good news to Mrs. 
 Tripp, she wondered, if it were true, why he had not said so to 
 Adeia; but Mrs. Smith and Mr. De Lisle both believed he had 
 purposely omitted to do so, that he might possess himself of the 
 highest assurance that Adela s choice was influenced by no other 
 motive than love for himself. Whether this was so or not, still the 
 possibility of its truth had a happy influence upon the mind of 
 Mrs. Tripp, and she was able to say to her friends the full extent 
 of her wishes, and the course of inquiry she wished them to pur 
 sue, on their arrival in Canada. 
 
 Mrs. Smith, finding she had eaten nothing, ordered a cup of 
 coffee and some toast, and helped her to pack up the few things 
 remaining out of her trunks. These were dispatched by the serv 
 ants to the cars, and when Mr. Thompson called for Mrs. Tripp, 
 Mrs. Smith and Grace, and Mr. De Lisle, accompanied her to the 
 depot, and there affectionately took leave of this distressed and 
 bereaved mother. Mr. Thompson was assiduous in his attentions, 
 and could not but admire the stern self-control Mrs. Tripp exercised 
 over her feelings under these trying circumstances. On reaching 
 the steamer, Mrs Tripp went into her state-room, and re-examined 
 the certificates of marriage. " After all," she said to herself, " this 
 trip to the springs has been successful. Adela is married, legally 
 married, as dear Katrine whispered, to an officer of rank and 
 family and probably to wealth equal to anything she could have 
 obtained. Josephine has now no obstacle in the way to coming 
 up with all the prominence necessary to a settlement; and as to 
 Mr. Winterbottom, possibly his regrets at losing the one may in 
 duce him to seek the other. The Worths will visit Adela, and 
 they will help to establish her in the confidence of her circle ; this 
 done, I have no fears for the rest." And when this lady had come 
 to this conclusion, she laid herself down, and waking, once more 
 found herself in Babylon the Less. 
 
MRS. SMITH LEAVES THE SPRINGS. 409 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 Journey of Mrs. Smith, and Grace, and Mr. De Lisle, to Niagara A Sabbath in 
 the country Colloquy of Mr. De Lisle and Mrs. Smith on skepticism The 
 dilemma of skeptics Arrive at the Clifton House De Lisle s declaration 
 to Grace, who declines his hand Her reasons Advice of Mrs. Smith to 
 the parties Mr. and Mrs. Gracie, and Jane, and her " cousin Richard," 
 join Mrs. Smith s party Colonel Worth and wife arrive Quebec Adela 
 as a wife The travelers return to Babylon Grace accepts Mr. De Lisle ; 
 tells her secret to Mrs. Smith, who thereupon determines to give a grand 
 party Mr. Smith refuses his consent A domestic scene consequent there 
 on. 
 
 COLONEL GREENWOOD remained a week after the departure of 
 Doyle and Adela. His manners remained unchanged toward 
 our friends ; but he never spoke of Doyle, and the incident of the 
 elopement was never referred to. With many expressions of 
 thanks for the attentions which had made his visit so pleasant to 
 him, he took leave of them. 
 
 Mrs. Smith now began to speak of leaving the springs, where 
 she had spent four weeks, and she was induced to shorten her 
 visit at the entreaty of Grace. Grace had no love for its balls, 
 its drawing-rooms, nor the throng of idle people, who, having 
 found out the attractions of Mrs. Smith s parlor, wearied her with 
 their attentions, and their frivolous conversation. So, changing 
 her plan, Mrs. Smith made up her mind of going from one point 
 of interest to another, and so spending the time which must inter 
 vene, before Colonel Worth s return, to join them at the Falls : 
 a decision as grateful to Mr. De Lisle as it could be to Grace ; 
 for the constant intrusion of society into Mrs. Smith s parlor, the 
 frequent balls and concerts, and the daily rides on horseback in 
 company with Colonel Greenwood, had left but, little time for 
 him to see either Mrs. Smith or Grace by themselves. It was 
 a great gain to him, to have these ladies under his especial care, 
 and mainly depending on him for society ; for, situated as he had 
 been, with instinctive delicacy he had avoided all direct attentions 
 to Grace, who had become more and more an object of interest 
 to him, and who, with all her unaffected sweetness of manners, 
 was evidently embarrassed by any increasing devotedness of at 
 tentions on his part. She rewarded him always by her entire 
 
410 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 attention when conversing with others, but when alone, she could 
 not, without effort, sustain her share of the conversation, and 
 never appeared so well, as when sustained by the near presence 
 of Mrs. Smith, who, when it was possible for her to do so, was 
 always at hand, to help Grace out, which she did with the ut 
 most skill. 
 
 Taking leave of their acquaintances, they set out on Saturday 
 afternoon for a beautiful village, there to spend the Sabbath. 
 This was Grace s plan, who could not feel there could be a Sab 
 bath-day at the springs. They reached the village inn before sun 
 set, and found themselves most perfectly accommodated. The 
 Lord s day was a day of quiet; the very leaves on the trees 
 seemed sleeping. The sun shone brightly, and the cattle were 
 to be seen in the shade of the trees, in every direction, looking as 
 grave as so many ruminating philosophers. To Grace the 
 change was delightful, and to Mrs. Smith and Mr. De Lisle, it 
 was grateful. At ten they all went to the neat village church, the 
 clear tones of whose bell alone broke the serenity and stillness 
 of the hour. The meeting house, (for it was not a * church") 
 was of wood, neatly finished, and had its choir, and all the requi 
 sites for the worship of God ; of which most of all our southern 
 inland places of worship, of all sects, unhappily, are wanting. 
 
 The sermon was a pious and excellent discourse, delivered in 
 an impressive manner. The design of the preacher was to show 
 "that it is the object of divine wisdom to make every age incul 
 cate some great moral and religious truth." The subject was 
 pursued through both discourses. And so ended the public ser 
 vices of the day. 
 
 Mr. De Lisle and Grace, since their conversation with Mrs. 
 Smith, of which we have already spoken, had found no suitable 
 opportunity of speaking with her, and re-opening the subject then 
 begun. Indeed, Adela Tripp had, since the departure of Mr. 
 Winterbottom, assiduously beset Grace with her music and her 
 walks; and then Colonel Greenwood s rides, and then the atten 
 tions of some dozen young gentlemen, who would not be refused, 
 at least, the pleasure of dancing attendance on her steps, go where 
 she would, had hardly left the girl any more time than was abso 
 lutely required to make her toilet at the proper times, for break 
 fast and dinner, and for her rides, whenever they took place. 
 So she was under constant requisitions from the demands of 
 society, and Mrs. Smith, and Mr. De Lisle, and Grace rarely 
 met, except in the presence of others. This, then, was the first 
 Sabbath they could be said to have spent together. 
 
 They supped immediately, on their return from church, and 
 as the sun was setting, they took a long walk, during which Mr. 
 
A SABBATH IN THE COUNTRY. 411 
 
 De Lisle endeavored to draw Mrs. Smith s attention to various 
 subjects, not inappropriate to the day, nor the hour; but she evi 
 dently wished to avoid the recurrence to any topic which could 
 be brought home to her own history. Her mind was indeed un 
 hinged, so to speak, by the gayeties of the springs, and she thought 
 De Lisle would be to her a Savonarola, arid she knew, that like 
 Lorenzo de Medici, if she were in the act of dying, there were some 
 things she could not and would not relinquish. But finding it 
 hard to keep Mr. De Lisle in abeyance, she was desirous of being 
 " let off," upon some mere speculations in theology, and finding 
 no better topic, she recurred to the sermon. As this conversation 
 was one of interest to Mrs. Smith and her companion, we hope 
 our readers may find it well worth their perusal, and it is there 
 fore preserved. 
 
 " Do you approve of the position taken by our preacher ?" in 
 quired Mrs. Smith of Mr. De Lisle. 
 
 " Yes, I think it is a correct one," was his reply. 
 
 " Do you not hold, then," continued Mrs. Smith, " the revela 
 tion of Christ is incomplete ?" 
 
 " By no means," said Mr. De Lisle; " I deem the minister cor 
 rect in saying, for every age some great truth has its peculiar 
 appropriateness, and God has allowed the Gospel to come in 
 conflict with all the diversified forms of human sin and folly; to 
 teach us that it contains the remedy for every possible form of 
 error and evil, and to make this very conflict the means of ren 
 dering more and more perfect the manner of conceiving and pre 
 senting its doctrines. In the first ages, the Christian faith, not 
 having yet insinuated itself into the feelings and modes of think 
 ing of the early Christians, we see the constant struggle between 
 the free grace of the Gospel, and the disposition to depend on 
 legal observances. In the second, we see the Gospel in conflict 
 with various philosophical systems, some irreconcilably opposed 
 to it, others attempting an amalgamation with it, but none of them 
 rendering theology at once biblical and philosophical. In the 
 middle ages, we see the corrupted faith and imperfect philosophy 
 of the earlier periods, degenerating into superstition, equally de 
 structive of genuine faith and true philosophy. In the age of the 
 reformation, religion and knowledge appear anew. The doc 
 trines which distinguished this period, were truly evangelical, and 
 the theological systems, biblical, but not entirely free from the 
 fetters of the old philosophy. To this succeeded the period of 
 strenuous orthodoxy, and vital piety again declined, leaving no 
 thing but the form of biblical knowledge ; and even this being des 
 titute of the vital principle, was less perfect than it was among 
 the reformers. The period of pietism followed and orthodoxy 
 
412 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 was again endued with life, and restored to the form in which it 
 was held by the reformers, but not improved. The next period 
 was that of the theoretical and practical infidelity, and piety, on 
 the Continent especially, declined in the Protestant Church. But 
 since the commencement of this century, it has revived, and been 
 made to rest on the leading doctrines of the Bible. Theology 
 is now pervaded by a spirit of true religion, and is so advanced, 
 in the opinion of Tholuck, the first of theologians of the present 
 day, whose views I have now briefly given you, that it has no 
 thing to fear from its opposers. Thus, though there is no new 
 revelation, the relations and bearings of truths may be said to 
 be, at the present time, properly understood." 
 
 " But," said Mrs. Smith, " you acknowledged, the other day, 
 that the enigmas of life have never been solved ! Do you think 
 they ever will be ?" 
 
 " Probably, they never will be," replied Mr. De Lisle. "And 
 yet, it may be, and I think will be, that many of the questionings 
 of the present day will be met by the development of God s pro 
 vidence. As yet, the world is in its infancy. The revolution of 
 centuries will make many of the dark designs of the Almighty, 
 as we now call them, clear as the noonday sun." 
 
 " Lavater," said Grace, to whom Mr. De Lisle addressed him 
 self as he closed the sentence, " used to say it was the highest 
 of all Christian attainments to be able to say / can wait. 
 Dear Mrs. Smith, we must strive to possess that temper of mind, 
 and to say to all the suggestions of our skeptical hearts, God is 
 true, and I can wait? 
 
 " My dearest Grace," said Mrs. Smith, " you have imposed a 
 severe task. / can t wait. 1 
 
 " But, dear Mrs. Smith," replied Mr. De Lisle, " what better 
 can you do? Here we are ! Man finds himself in this world on 
 an isolated point; he knows not whence he comes, nor whither 
 he goes ; he knows nothing but the spot upon which he awoke, 
 and upon which he is soon to close his eyes forever. Now, such 
 is the skeptic. And such would be the condition of every man, 
 were he not, by faith, able to rise above himself and this 4 dreary 
 life ; he would have nothing to do but, with a high-minded calm 
 ness, to resign all hope of attaining the end to which Nature 
 prompts him to aspire. As the world and God, eternity and time, 
 annihilation and salvation, are the great conflicting points upon 
 which human life turns, the ground and centre of the conflict lie 
 in the struggle between faith and unbelief." 
 
 44 Alas!" interrupted Mrs. Smith, 4i what a fearful conflict it is. 
 How many hearts have sunk into despair in the fierceness of the 
 struggle they have felt in their souls, or have sought for a respite 
 
DILEMMA OF SKEPTICS. 413 
 
 in all the busy occupations of life, or in gratifications and amuse 
 ments of society a respite, but not a release." 
 
 Grace and Mr. De Lisle exchanged glances, as both recalled 
 their conversation in the ball-room. 
 
 Mr. De Lisle, addressing himself to Mrs. Smith, continued: 
 " The contemplation of this struggle must either have the tend 
 ency to bring us to a more elevated consciousness of the high 
 destiny to which God has called us, or to the expectation of the 
 bottomless abyss of unconscious existence, which is the result of 
 all logical infidelity. Infidelity, my dear madam, in its widest 
 sense, is a disposition which leads us to admit nothing as true 
 which is not the result of our own reasonings or deductions ; 
 faith, on the other hand, is that disposition which, influenced either 
 by an outward or inward necessity, admits as true what is not, 
 merely by logical inference, rendered certain. These definitions 
 being stated, the great question here presents itself What is the 
 result to which we are led, when we logically pursue the path of 
 skepticism that is, when we are determined to form a logical 
 system respecting human and divine things, with no other guide 
 than speculation ? There is something in the breast of every man 
 which leads him to believe, whether he wishes it or not. Is it 
 not so?" 
 
 " But," said Mrs. Smith, " I had supposed this was the result 
 of education." 
 
 " No, madam, this principle is founded in the nature of man ; 
 but there is also in our fallen nature, something which prompts 
 to skepticism. And as the evil in our nature (until restored by 
 the Holy Spirit in regeneration) prevails over the good, the tend 
 ency to unbelief is more powerful than the tendency to faith. 
 Yet the tendency to faith constantly opposes itself to the contrary 
 disposition. Hence it is, there are so few who pursue skepticism 
 to its legitimate results, and that there are so few thorough systems 
 of infidelity in the world." 
 
 " If it be not tasking you too much," said Grace, " will you 
 please tell us (for it is a most important inquiry), what is the re 
 sult of all logical speculation, when we resolve to follow no other 
 guide ? Should you not like to know, my dear Mrs. Smith?" 
 
 " I should, indeed," said Mrs. Smith. * I have heard a great 
 deal of what is called reasoning, in my time, but I don t recollect 
 to have heard that question answered." 
 
 " It may not be so easily answered as it is asked," said Mr. 
 De Lisle, smiling, to Grace, " but it is obvious that it must 
 commence with some first principles, or intuitive truths. The 
 point, therefore, from which it starts, must be consciousness the 
 consciousness of existence. But this is not a consciousness of 
 
414 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 independent existence, but of an existence depending and ground 
 ed upon something else. Hence, the speculator, in the conscious 
 ness of his own existence, is, at the same time, conscious of the 
 existence of an original existence, upon which his own is founded. 
 As soon as the argumentation is commenced, a dilemma presents 
 itself, which, according as the one or other side is assumed, de 
 cides upon all human and divine things. This dilemma is as fol 
 lows : First, my present being presents itself as a person ; that 
 is, as possessed of self-efficiency; for, if it be a person, it is self- 
 active, having no other grounds of action than itself; but, secondly, 
 I am conscious that my being and actions are dependent and re 
 stricted, that the remote ground of my activity is not myself, but 
 in the original existence. How can these things be reconciled ? 
 If there be an original existence, unlimited and independent, upon 
 which conditions all the other existences depend, there can be no 
 agent out of him, which has, in itself, the last ground of its actions. 
 For if the original existence is the necessary condition of the ac 
 tion of other existences, it is the only agent. 
 
 " Now, since this original existence is active, and in so far as 
 it is the condition of all other existences, it is not a mere lifeless 
 substratum, but is the living principle in all that is ; all inde 
 pendent, active existence, out of the original, is an impossibility. 
 On the other hand, when I assume as incontrovertible my indivi 
 dual personal existence, if I regard every individual as a being 
 which has, in itself, the last ground of its actions, as self-efficient, 
 then the original existence is not unrestricted, since the individual 
 efficients necessarily limit and restrict the efficiency of the ori 
 ginal existence, each, after its own way, conditioning its activity. 
 Hence it appears, that the speculator is encountered, at the very 
 outset, by the riddle of individual responsibility. If he will nei 
 ther renounce this personality, nor the illimitableness of God s 
 efficiency, he must be content to hold both sides of a contradic 
 tion, or turn believer, that is, receive something as true, which is 
 not the result of speculation or argumentative deduction, but that is 
 inconsistent with the goal which he had placed before himself."* 
 
 Mrs. Smith, after a moment s silence, looked up, and smiled, 
 and then again looked unusually grave. She spoke, at last, with 
 a sigh " I believe I must confess to you, my dear friends, that I 
 need no such course of argument to show me the stupidity of 
 skepticism ; and that the only objection, of which I am conscious, 
 to the truth of the Holy Scriptures, as Lord Rochester said to 
 Bishop Burnet, on his death-bed, * is a wicked heart. Alas ! 
 that I should be compelled to say so!" 
 
 * Tholuck. 
 
DE LISLE AND GRACE WORTH. 415 
 
 " Dear Mrs. Smith," said Grace, earnestly, " your heart is no 
 more wicked than mine. We are all alike depraved, and by na 
 ture our hearts are * enmity to God. r 
 
 "Oh! no, Grace," replied Mrs. Smith, "you were born into 
 the world an angel. Was she not, Mr. De Lisle ? I will leave 
 you to decide between us. I am sure it won t need the course 
 of argument by which you have shown how great a fool is he 
 who says, in his heart, or out of it- There is no God. " 
 
 Mr. De Lisle, with a look of admiring affection, replied 
 " Though I am willing to assign any position to our dear Miss 
 Worth, in which your love or affection can by possibility place 
 her, yet I doubt not she well knows, and is grateful to acknow 
 ledge the truth, that it is the grace of God which has made her 
 what she is. " 
 
 Mrs. Smith, having little else to do, became an attentive ob 
 server of the growing attachment every day manifested by Mr. 
 De Lisle for her dear Grace; but she was utterly at loss to know 
 what was passing in this artless girl s bosom. The assurance 
 she felt in her entire innocence of all guile, and the inexplicable 
 shrinking manifested by Grace when approached by Mr. De 
 Lisle, made Grace an enigma to Mrs. Smith, whose curiosity 
 was restrained by her love for Grace and her respect for Mr. De 
 Lisle. She wrote Mrs. Worth letters, to meet her at Detroit on 
 her return, of all that was transpiring, and all she felt it was due 
 for her to know concerning her child. She was certain the 
 Worths would rejoice if Grace could love Mr. De Lisle, and felt 
 confident that love would finally triumph. Indeed she could not 
 but believe Grace did love Mr. De Lisle, though she was so won 
 derfully successful in concealing it in her own heart. 
 
 Mrs. Smith was at the time ignorant of the course adopted 
 by Mr. De Lisle. Before the colonel and Mrs. Worth left the 
 springs, he had expressed to Mrs. Worth his wishes to win the 
 affections of her daughter, if it were possible for him to do so ; 
 if a union with one so much in advance of her in point of age, 
 was not an insuperable objection. Mrs. Worth had replied that 
 the difference in their ages would not be an objection, if it should 
 appear that he could truly and fully enlist the affections of her 
 child, though she thought this might be doubtful, and he must 
 entertain no hopes from their acquiescence. Whoever Grace 
 could love, if worthy of her as a man and a Christian, would be 
 their choice. 
 
 All that Mrs. Smith felt it fitting for her to do for the advance 
 ment of what she knew must be the wish of Mr. De Lisle, and 
 what she hoped would be the happiness of Grace, was to give 
 
416 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 him her support and countenance to all the courtesies and atten 
 tions which it was proper for him to pay and for Grace to receive. 
 
 As they traveled slowly towards Niagara, visiting all the 
 places of interest in their way, opportunities were constantly pre 
 sented for Mr. De Lisle to cultivate the confidence and awaken 
 the love of Grace. He was himself often embarrassed and ex 
 cessively timid in the presence of this young girl, as it appeared 
 to Mrs. Smith, who could not understand his fears lest the dis 
 parity of their ages should prove an insurmountable barrier; 
 which Mr. De Lisle felt was the true cause of all the restraint 
 towards him evinced by Grace, and he would justify her repug 
 nance, and often fully determined forever to relinquish all purpose 
 of winning her love ; and when he assumed the course of con 
 duct which such sentiments naturally suggested, he saw with 
 pain that Grace resumed an ease of manners which was instantly 
 checked by the first impulse which his love prompted in a change 
 of his deportment, so that he was more and more confirmed in 
 the hopelessness of ever winning her affections. 
 
 They now had reached the Falls, and wishing to avoid the 
 crowd, went over to the Canada side, and took rooms and a parlor 
 at the Clifton House, where there were but few boarders. Here 
 their time passed away pleasantly in reading and riding, and the 
 little duties which devolve even upon travelers. The Falls grew 
 in their grandeur they began to be felt in all the majesty of their 
 might, as seen day by day, in all the different aspect of sunshine 
 and moonlight ; and the roar of waters became, to their listening 
 ears, the sweetest, deepest, grandest of diapasons. It was the ever 
 lasting hymn of praise to the Creator, to whom the cloud of in 
 cense was forever ascending from the great altar of nature. 
 
 A party, consisting of ladies and gentlemen from the south, 
 whose acquaintance they had made at the springs, now joined 
 them, and were a great acquisition to their society. 
 
 It is one of the pleasures of traveling to meet with members of 
 society living in distant states, and to discover the existence of 
 the same sentiments which we venerate and cherish, governing 
 and controlling them as well as ourselves. This is the bond of 
 brotherhood which can never be broken. This is the true bond 
 of union which no dissensions of party can sever. 
 
 After a day so unusually warm, that the entire company at the 
 Clifton House were compelled to remain in the shade until sun 
 set, they all set out for a walk, and returning, took seats where 
 they could best witness the lunar rainbow over the fall. The 
 party were gay and delighted with all they saw. Indeed, it was 
 a luxury to feel the coolness of the evening air, and while the 
 attention of Grace was absorbed by Mr. De Lisle, the party one 
 
DE LISLE S DECLARATION OF LOVE. 417 
 
 by one had sought a higher point of view of the Falls, leaving 
 Grace unconscious that she was left alone listening to Mr. De 
 Lisle. So soon as she discovered it, she expressed her surprise, 
 and looking around found the party were gone, and out of sight. 
 She rose, and said to Mr. De Lisle, "Shall we not rejoin our 
 friends?" 
 
 De Lisle felt he had everything to gain, and that he had too long 
 suffered from that extremity of misery which Lord Bacon has 
 said, is "the swing of the pendulum," and taking her hand, 
 begged her to stay a few moments longer. Her hand trembled 
 in his, and she re-seated herself. 
 
 "My dear Miss Worth," said Mr. De Lisle, in a tone of voice 
 tremulous with intense emotion, "I have asked you to remain a 
 few moments with me to me the most momentous of my life. 
 I have sought to detain you, that I might avow the love I cherish 
 for you a love which has taken full possession of my soul, and 
 which I now dare to express with many fears it will not be re 
 ciprocated. But I would know this from your lips. I will not 
 distress you by pressing upon you attentions which may be to 
 you painful ; but, O ! if I can be so happy as to gain your love, 
 the highest hopes of earth will all be realized." 
 
 Grace sat silent, her hand still trembling, and Mr. De Lisle, en 
 couraged by her silence, continued 
 
 "My dear Grace, I have long sought to secure the love of one 
 who would fulfil the fondest wishes of my heart. Woman, to 
 me, has ever been the ideal of all that is lovely. I have ever been 
 an admirer of female loveliness not of feature and of form, 
 though I am not insensible to the witchery of beauty, but I have 
 sought rather for those charms which are expressed by goodness 
 of heart, gentleness of soul that sincere sympathy with the 
 beautiful and the good, which gives lustre to beauty and is to me 
 the perfection of female excellence. I have often wished to find 
 the beau ideal of my soul. You will not think it strange if the 
 search has been one of difficulty and delicacy, and that I have too 
 often found the semblance of all these attractions where I have 
 hoped to find the reality, and the graces of manner have proved 
 but the gilding of refined society, based upon no firm principles, 
 or religious sentiment. 
 
 " I have never envied men their talents, or their distinctions, or 
 their wealth. I have inherited and acquired all that my view of 
 life has rendered desirable ; but the love of a pure and pious wo 
 man has ever been the first wish of my heart. I have long since 
 submitted my wishes to the will of God, and in an unexpected 
 hour, by a combination of circumstances in which I see, with 
 27 
 
418 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 hope, the leadings of a divine Providence, I have been led to cul 
 tivate your acquaintance. 
 
 " Our meeting, you will, perhaps, remember, at Mrs. Smith s 
 party as I have since learned, the first you had ever attended ; 
 to me it was an hour of sunshine and of hope, and it is now for 
 you to say, dearest Grace, if those hopes, the wishes of my whole 
 life, are to be realized, or forever relinquished." 
 
 Doctor Johnson said of Dr. Dodd, whose appeal to the king 
 for a pardon is among the most splendid efforts ever made, " That 
 when men s lives are at stake, they never fail to be eloquent." 
 The pathos in which these words were expressed made them far 
 more effective than the words would seem, in themselves, capable 
 of being. And certainly, the effect upon Grace was as unex 
 pected to Mr. De Lisle, as, at the moment, they were inexplica 
 ble; but, as Shakspeare had said " An honest tale speeds best, 
 being plainly told," and as we purpose that our narrative shall 
 be true to nature, we must go on, though we may shock the sen 
 sibilities of many of our fair readers, who may have had a quite 
 contrary experience in these matters ; but so it was 
 
 Grace made an attempt to speak, and burst into tears. All un 
 conscious of everything but her emotions, she permitted Mr. De 
 Lisle to draw her towards him, and rested her head on his shoul 
 der, and wept to her heart s content. Mr. De Lisle was delighted 
 with the confidence reposed in him, and though hardly knowing 
 why these tears should have arisen, he tried to soothe her agitation, 
 and to tell " of the increasing pleasure with which he had sought 
 her society; the certainty he felt of her principles; and of his 
 having discovered in the depths of her soul all the treasures he 
 longed to possess, and of his fears that he should never inspire 
 the love beating in every throb of his heart." 
 
 Grace recovered herself and her position, and dried up her 
 tears ; and, after one or two failures, she was able to say 
 
 " I am but too, too grateful for the high, the very high and un 
 merited expression of your respect your confidence esteem 
 your love " she hesitated, and, by a great effort of self-control, 
 went on: "I am I know it unfitted to share with you the rela 
 tionships of life. Oh ! no, no, you could not, and would not find in 
 me the being you seek. I am no way able to realize your ideal 
 and for me to fail, would render me miserable for life." 
 
 De Lisle now found words full of fondness and affection, and 
 though Grace made no reply, she listened. It is easy for a man 
 to speak when the only obstacles are such as he deems mere 
 mole-hills in the pathway of his highest aspirations ; but, to his 
 sorrow, he found Grace was now, with all her gentleness, firm 
 and collected. She assured him that she had fully made up her 
 
DE LISLE AND GRACE WORTH. 419 
 
 mind never to be united to one whose superiority would be an 
 insurmountable barrier to sympathy of pursuits. She had seen 
 too much of life, young as she was, not to be conscious of the 
 wretchedness of a woman who ceased to be the companion of 
 her husband ; and to such a condition, no temptation of ambition 
 could blind her. She well knew Mr. De Lisle was ignorant of 
 her mental culture she might have unconsciously concealed this 
 from him, and been unwilling that he should know how little 
 like the being he would love, and could love, she knew herself to 
 be. But now she would, at every sacrifice of her own self-love, 
 wear no disguise, if so it had been ; he should see that he had 
 been mistaken in his too kind, and false appreciation of her cha 
 racter. It would be justice to him to reveal herself as she knew 
 herself to be. It might be an unpleasant effort on her part, but 
 one which could not but satisfy him that with her views of the 
 first requisites of married life, his wishes never could be met by 
 her." 
 
 Such, in brief, were Grace s replies to Mr. De Lisle. That 
 they were entirely unsatisfactory that he was sure she formed 
 far too high an estimate of himself, and depreciated herself, mak 
 ing a wide separation of thoughts, feelings, tastes, while he was 
 sure there existed the closest sympathy of sentiment, and all 
 such course of remarks, will so naturally occur to our readers, 
 that we need not repeat them, only so far as to say, they made 
 no change in Grace. 
 
 Having afforded Mr. De Lisle all the opportunity he could de 
 sire, listening with the utmost kindness and respect to all he had 
 to say, Grace rose, and Mr. De Lisle, following her example, said 
 
 " Dear Grace, is this the last time I may be permitted to ad 
 dress you on this subject?" 
 
 44 1 beg it may be," said Grace. " It cannot but be as hope 
 less for you as it would be distressing to me and on this ques 
 tion my mind is made up." 
 
 She offered to take his arm, which, till now, she had never 
 accepted without some degree of embarrassment, and Mr. De 
 Lisle and Grace walked in silence back to the Clifton House. 
 As they entered the parlor, they found the party had returned, 
 and were assembled in full tide of playful chat. Mrs. Smith dis 
 covered, from the looks both of Grace and Mr. De Lisle, that 
 some disclosure had taken place, for they sat in silence, and Mr. 
 De Lisle in a fit of deep abstraction. 
 
 When the party broke up and went to their rooms, Grace ac 
 companied Mrs. Smith to her chamber, and, for the first time in 
 her life, made a full disclosure of the state of her heart, and of 
 the declaration of Mr. De Lisle. She concluded by saying 
 
420 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " My mother has placed me under your kind care, and directed 
 me to advise with you as I would have done with herself. I 
 deem it due to Mr. De Lisle, and I need it for myself, to ask your 
 counsel, and to tell me if I have deported myself towards him 
 with all truthfulness and delicacy." She expressed, frankly, her 
 admiration for the talents and principles of Mr. De Lisle, and her 
 deep consciousness of her inability ever to sustain the preference 
 he had expressed, and her convictions that such unions were, of 
 all others, the most miserable a woman can form. 
 
 Mrs. Smith listened with all the sympathy of one whose heart 
 had in itself deeply suffered from the alienation of a husband s 
 sympathies. She knew the truthfulness of all Grace had said ; 
 but she felt her young friend had undervalued herself; that she 
 had set her standard too high, and that it was neither desirable 
 nor possible that a wife should keep pace with the intellectual 
 culture of a husband, especially a professional gentleman, how 
 ever desirable this might be. 
 
 She expressed these views to Grace, and endeavored to show 
 the hopelessness of her expectancy of finding just such a hus 
 band as she had imagined to suit herself. That though they 
 might commence life at the same point, the parallelism could 
 never be sustained. She told her the story of her dear friend 
 Helen, of the sacrifice she made of life itself, in the fruitless task 
 of keeping up with the acquirements of her lover, and that she 
 must, and ought to be content to submit to the conditions of life 
 in which God and society placed her. That the spheres in 
 which husbands and wives were destined to move, the duties 
 they were required to perform, were essentially different; and 
 the bond of union was love and sympathy, which both equally 
 required of the other, and which were, in a good degree, inde 
 pendent of a greater or less amount of intellectual cultivation. 
 That she must feel that in Mr. De Lisle there existed these bonds 
 of love and sympathy. Few men were formed in a mould so 
 admirably fitted for the relations of married life. He had stood 
 the test of the seductive influences of society ; his habits were 
 all favorable for domestic life ; his home would be the centre of 
 his happiness, and his wife the sun of his sphere. " From 
 whom," she asked Grace, "of all you have ever known, could 
 you hope to find such sympathy and support ? And then, too, 
 my dearest Grace," continued Mrs. Smith, folding her in her arms, 
 " you may hope for those ties of affection which have been de 
 nied me. God knows how different a being I might have been, 
 had it been my happiness to have been encircled by a group of 
 happy faces, claiming me as their mother!" 
 
 Here Mrs. Smith ceased to speak. Grace felt it was fitting 
 
DE LISLE AND GRACE WORTH. 421 
 
 she should retire, and kissing Mrs. Smith, she assured her "she 
 would fully reflect on all she had said to her." 
 
 This conversation had its weight upon Grace. She felt the 
 force of these remarks as applicable to others ; but when Mr. De 
 Lisle was to be considered, and his beau-ideal came to be remem 
 bered, and contrasted with herself, she was assured they were 
 inapplicable in her case. There were some tender emotions of 
 sympathy for Mr. De Lisle, and her heart pleaded his cause 
 against the convictions of her judgment, so severe upon herself, 
 yet so just for him, and she quieted herself by saying, " Ah, he 
 doesn t know me ; but he shall know me : I will conceal nothing, 
 and he will see my entire unworthiness and incapacity to fill up 
 the measure of his requirements. This is due to him it is due 
 to myself, and he will respect me, though he will cease to love 
 me ;" and so this dear girl fell asleep with the sweet conscious 
 ness of perfect rectitude. 
 
 The next morning the guests assembled as usual on the veran 
 dah before breakfast, and Mr. De Lisle was standing apart by him 
 self, in deep thought. The moment he heard Grace s voice, he 
 looked at her with an expression of sadness, which was instantly 
 dispelled by her approaching him with a smile, and offering her 
 hand, an unusual act of courtesy. He was at once bright and 
 buoyant. Grace conversed with him with an ease and freedom 
 which he had not often witnessed, and as lovers usually look upon 
 the bright side of things, it inspired him with hope, and he was 
 happy. He little guessed the motives which were actuating 
 Grace, though they were at once discovered by Mrs. Smith, who 
 could not but smile at the strange method Grace was taking to 
 cure Mr. De Lisle of the love-mania, with which he was so deeply 
 afflicted. And fearing that her methods of cure might aggravate 
 the symptoms, she found an opportunity of communicating the 
 exact state of Grace s heart, and counseled him to leave to time 
 to work, not a cure of his love, but to inspire Grace with that 
 confidence in herself, which would result in the accomplishment 
 of his hopes. Mr. De Lisle was grateful to be counseled. His 
 love certainly was in no danger of subsiding under the regimen 
 to which he was to be subjected, and he only feared he had not 
 the self-control, to keep in strict abeyance every manifestation of 
 his earnest and devoted affection ; but as Mrs. Smith was impera 
 tive, he promised to do all he possibly could, expressing his own 
 convictions that her counsel was the best advice he could receive. 
 
 There now joined them Mr. and Mrs. Gracie, and their lovely 
 daughter Jane, the Fourierist, and her " Cousin Richard," from the 
 other side of the Falls. This was a delightful addition to our 
 party, and Mrs. Smith was in the highest spirits. 
 
422 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " Now," she said, " as soon as Colonel and Mrs. Worth arrive, 
 we shall have our party complete, and then we will go and see how 
 Adela Tripp is getting on with her dashing Irishman !" for Mrs. 
 Smith had a warm feeling of admiration for Adela, in spite of the 
 bad example she had set to the young ladies of Babylon. 
 
 On the arrival of her father and mother, Grace lost no time in 
 communicating to her mother her interview with Mr. De Lisle ; 
 her own convictions of what was due to herself and due to Mr. 
 De Lisle, and the course of conduct she had determined to adopt. 
 Mrs. Worth listened with the tender sympathy of a mother; she 
 approved of all she had done, and concluded by saying to her 
 child 
 
 " It may be, Grace, that a more perfect knowledge of yourself 
 and of Mr. De Lisle may induce you to surmount these now in 
 surmountable objections. This, time will show; in the mean 
 while, no course could be pursued more worthy of yourself, or 
 more respectful toward Mr. De Lisle, who will doubtless commu 
 nicate with me, and to whom I shall express my approval of your 
 conduct; and I am sure he will not think you the less worthy of 
 his affectionate respect, though he may never succeed in making 
 a union with you an idea less acceptable than it seems to be to 
 you at this moment." 
 
 As Mrs. Worth anticipated, Mr. De Lisle had a full and manly 
 conversation with her. He declared that his attachment to Grace 
 had increased every day that he had had the pleasure of enjoying 
 in her society ; and he spoke of the hopes he entertained that her 
 fears of accepting him would eventually be obliterated. 
 
 Mrs. Worth saw deeper into the heart of her Grace than she 
 could see. She knew these mountains, so heaven high, would 
 grow less, and she was well content that time should produce its 
 salutary and desirable results. She felt, too, these very objections 
 urged by Grace, must hereafter act as a shield to her child s hap 
 piness, and that a man of Mr. De Lisle s high sense of honor, 
 would guard against the tendencies to which all men are exposed, 
 (and especially professional men of a city,) of leaving their wives 
 to find their happiness in pursuits diverse from their own. 
 
 Mr. De Lisle adopted the course advised at first by Mrs. Smith, 
 and approved by Mrs. Worth. He waived the direct avowal of 
 his love; but this having been made, gave him privileges of which 
 he availed himself with all the delicacy and refinement which 
 his own nature prompted, and which the presence of Grace na 
 turally inspired. They were frequently alone, and Grace had no 
 longer the shrinking timidity which had been before self-imposed; 
 and this daily intercourse had its desired effect. It rendered 
 
423 
 
 Grace more certain of herself, more familiar with the thoughts 
 and sentiments of Mr. De Lisle, which he lost no fitting oppor 
 tunity frankly to disclose. 
 
 As for Jane Gracie and her " Cousin Richard," they were at 
 swords-points as much as ever. Jane never failed at a repartee 
 when she had no good argument. It was her sad mistake not to 
 see the vast difference which exists between wit and repartee. 
 The one is allied to humor, and renders more bright and beauti 
 ful what was pure gold before ; but repartee, while it adds no 
 thing to the thought which suggests it, interrupts the conversa 
 tion, turns aside the attention to strange contrasts which a bright 
 mind alone can discover, and keeps a circle in a state of wonder 
 not unlike that of the sailor at the juggler s show, who, coming 
 down in a soft place, after having been blown up by an accident, 
 scratched his head and coolly exclaimed, " I wonder what this 
 fellow will do next !" And with Jane (as in the experience of 
 most of our young friends), when her repartees were not bright, 
 all that was so lost, was more than made up by their pungency 
 and greatly at poor Cousin Richard s expense, who never made 
 a pun in his life did not always comprehend them when others 
 saw the flash and felt the thrust, though he was most frequently 
 the object of these "passages" of skill; being somewhat in the 
 condition of the giant, in the famous story, who, when cut in 
 halves by the magical sword of the dwarf, had to shake himself, 
 and so fall in pieces, before he knew the extent of the injury he 
 had received. And yet Cousin Richard was a man of fine sense, 
 varied acquirements, and possessed, too, of a fund of grave and 
 most pleasant humor, which often sparkled into wit. But, strange 
 as it may seem, Jane at times thought Richard a dull man. 
 
 At the Falls the mornings of Richard were spent in rambles 
 over the hills with his hammer and bag, in search of specimens, 
 leaving ample time for Jane to tell Mrs. Smith all her sad expe 
 riences with him, and her fears that they never would be happy 
 together. Indeed, both sought to make her the repository of their 
 separate griefs and fears ; but in despite of all this, to Mrs. Smith 
 it was evident that these two dissimilar beings were of all others 
 in the world best fitted for each other ; and her advice was to 
 cease disputing upon topics of which time would show them the 
 folly ; but Jane was pugnacious, and Richard conscientious. So 
 matters stood as before. 
 
 Jane, as is usual with young ladies, had more grief than one 
 bosom could hold ; and though Mrs. Smith was very patient in 
 listening to her, yet she sometimes was very severe in her re 
 proofs ; and as Grace Worth was at hand, she selected her as the 
 
424 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 reservoir, into whose bosom all her excess of sorrows could be 
 poured without stint. There was one good effect resulting from 
 these conversations with Grace, which bore upon herself. She 
 plainly saw how strongly and supremely love could subsist with 
 great diversities of opinion, and, too, upon subjects just as mo 
 mentous in the mind of Grace, as they could appear to " Cousin 
 Richard ;" and she could not but observe the unity of thought 
 and feeling subsisting between Mr. De Lisle and herself, and felt 
 how unspeakably happy Jane would be if she, too, was but pos 
 sessed of a like harmony of sentiments with her dear " Cousin 
 Richard." The advice which Grace, with all the earnestness of 
 a heart-felt sympathy, gave Jane, had its reflex influence upon 
 herself. The very arguments she urged could have been turned 
 upon herself, and often as she thought over the incidents of the 
 day, the image of Mr. De Lisle, and her own arguments to Jane 
 on behalf of Cousin Richard, would recur; but then she felt they 
 were all untrue, when applied to herself. 
 
 " Oh ! no, the case is very different;" and puzzling herself to 
 define the precise line of difference, she would fall asleep, to 
 dream of Mr. De Lisle ; always dreams full of sweet visions of 
 future happiness. 
 
 The party now proceeded to Quebec, and immediately on 
 their arrival, were called on by Colonel Greenwood. The colonel 
 kindly inquired into their plans, and proposed various objects 
 worthy of their notice. Adela soon after arrived, accompanied by 
 her husband, and was delighted to see them all: they were the 
 first visitors from Babylon whom she was willing to recognize as 
 her friends, and she determined to make them useful and ef 
 fective. 
 
 Mrs. Smith at once entered into her views, and imparted her 
 own wishes to her party, which they all warmly espoused. The 
 next day, under the escort of Colonel Greenwood and Doyle, they 
 visited Fort Diamond. In the evening, they all attended a soiree 
 at the Governor General s, to which they were invited, and were 
 duly presented by Colonel Greenwood to the Governor, his lady 
 and suit, and the splendidly dressed array of officers present, 
 as well as to their ladies. The week ensuing passed away in a 
 constant succession of visits made and received ; and Colonel 
 Greenwood distinguished Grace by his courtesies. She became 
 the admiration of the entire corps of Coldstream-gentlemen, and 
 Adela did not lose the opportunity of playing the part of her very 
 dear friend. The impression made upon the officers and their 
 ladies, was every way fortunate for Adela, and at once determined 
 her position ; and no one was more delighted than Doyle, by the 
 attentions paid to his wife by Colonel Worth and his friends. 
 
COL. WORTH S PARTY IN QUEBEC. 425 
 
 Adela gave a splendid party, which the lady of the Governor 
 General and all his suite attended, and in which she shone with 
 distinguished "beauty and entire success : so that the most preju 
 diced and critical could not but admire her fine manners and ad 
 mirable tact. It was resplendent with gold lace and epaulettes, 
 and Grace was reluctantly compelled to attempt the arduous task 
 of dancing with Colonel Greenwood, who would not be refused. 
 
 Their stay was prolonged by the constant variety of engage 
 ments with which they found themselves invested through the 
 friendship of Colonel Greenwood and the politeness of his 
 numerous friends, and terminated by a dinner given them by 
 Colonel Greenwood, at which Grace found herself the conspicu 
 ous object of attention and attraction. Indeed, during her visit, the 
 cadets, following the safe-lead of their Colonel, were unbounded 
 in their admiration, and some half-dozen felt themselves impelled 
 to go down the Lakes with the party to be sure of their safe land 
 ing on the shores of their own country. All expressed their 
 earnest hope to be permitted to renew their acquaintance on their 
 way home, a consummation most devoutly wished, for they all 
 affirmed the atmosphere of Hyde Park was far more congenial 
 than the snows of Canada. On parting, they all were assured 
 of a warm welcome on their arrival at Babylon. 
 
 Early in October, Colonel Worth and his friends found them 
 selves snugly seated by their several firesides. By no one were 
 they so warmly welcomed as by Mrs. Tripp, to whom they 
 brought confidential letters from Adela, fully advising her of the 
 admirable results of their timely visit upon her social position. 
 All was now plain before her. She had been regarded with 
 suspicion, but this had been dispersed by the kindness of these 
 her best friends. Now all doubts were dispelled, all foes dis 
 armed, and she was perfectly happy. And in a P. S., as is 
 usual with ladies, she appended what Mrs. Tripp deemed the 
 most important, the pleasing intelligence that Doyle had repre 
 sented matters to her more gloomy than they really were, for he 
 had forgotten to tell her that an aunt had given him thirty thou 
 sand pounds sterling, on his entrance into the Coldstream Guards ; 
 but what was so large a sum to her, had been accounted for by 
 him in so small a word as his "pay" the interest being the sum 
 he had been always accustomed to spend in the corps. 
 
 Mr. De Lisle s attentions to Grace, on their return to the city, 
 gradually assumed the quiet aspect of acknowledged attentions : 
 and unconsciously to herself, Grace found herself divested of all 
 her insurmountable obstacles and fearful objections. They had 
 been imperceptibly surmounted, or had in some way strangely 
 disappeared. As mountains whose summits mingle with the 
 
426 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 clouds, are ascended step by step, slowly and surely, till we find 
 ourselves descending again into the valley, without toil or fatigue, 
 so with the " Hills of Difficulty" in the way of Grace s pilgrim 
 age. All these were as by magic surmounted, so that, when 
 Mr. De Lisle again renewed his earnest declarations " of increas 
 ing love, and more assured confidence, and urged her to confer 
 upon him the highest and best gift of life," with the sanction of her 
 parents and the approval of her own heart, she sweetly consented. 
 
 Grace could not but impart the great secret of her life to Mrs. 
 Smith, begging her to keep it a secret, as she wished to avoid all 
 those sneers and jeers with which, in fashionable circles, as in 
 other circles, though doubtless with more refinement of phrase, 
 but with the same feelings of petty malice, every match is scru 
 tinized and canvassed. " The marriage would take place in 
 January, at her father s seat in the country, and Jane was to be 
 her only bridesmaid, and Cousin Richard to be Mr. De Lisle s 
 groomsman, so that it would be all kept a secret by their own 
 especial friends. To you, dear Mrs. Smith," said Grace, " I have 
 imparted it first of all ; for to you I am most deeply indebted for 
 the happiness I hope and believe I shall possess." 
 
 Mrs. Smith was delighted beyond measure. She embraced 
 Grace again and again : "Dear Grace, I knew it would end so I 
 ever felt it was one of the marriages which Fielding s Mrs. Honor 
 was wont to say are made in heaven, and which all the Justices 
 of the Peace on earth could not hinder. " 
 
 Grace smiled, and was happy. The decision once made, her 
 spirits resumed their graceful buoyancy, and the serenity and 
 sweet aspect of her face manifested the fullness of her joy and the 
 sunshine of her soul. 
 
 Mr. De Lisle called the same day to express his grateful ac 
 knowledgments to Mrs. Smith, and to tell her of his happiness ; 
 and though accustomed to great self-control, he now indulged 
 himself in giving license to the expression of his joy, and the 
 bright anticipations of his future life. " I have," he said, "lived 
 a life of too great seclusion I have been of but little value to the 
 society by which I have been surrounded. I have had no motive 
 to develop qualities of heart which I know I possess and have 
 worn an air of coldness when my heart has longed for sympathy 
 but now I have a motive for effort, and I know I am equal to all 
 the duties which love and friendship demand at my hands." 
 
 Indeed, it was evident to Mrs. Smith, that Grace had the surest 
 grounds of hope that, as a wife, she would be most eminently 
 happy. 
 
 Mrs. Smith now became possessed of "one grand idea" it 
 was to give a splendid wedding party to Grace, and to introduce 
 
MRS. SMITH S PLAN OF A SECOND PARTY. 427 
 
 Grace as a bride to the astonished Babylonians. This she would 
 have imparted to her husband the moment the idea arose in her 
 mind, with the fullest assurance of his acquiescence, but he was 
 from home, and so for three days she had nothing to do but ar 
 range all the details of the important subject, in readiness for his 
 approval. 
 
 On his return, so soon as the welcome was over, Mrs. Smith, 
 with a look bright with yet increasing joyfulness, cried out, clap 
 ping her hands, as she said it 
 
 " My precious husband! I have such delightful news to tell 
 you." 
 
 " And what is it, love ? You are always getting up agreeable 
 surprises, but this seems to have surprised yourself. I must not 
 be teased now so you must tell me at once." 
 
 " Oh ! you will be so happy. Yes, I am happy ! // is an 
 agreeable surprise truly, and one for which we are indebted to our 
 dearest Grace and Mr. De Lisle. They are to be married !" 
 
 " I am indeed delighted," said Mr. Smith ; " Mr. De Lisle, dear 
 wife, is a very distinguished man; and is worthy even of Grace 
 Worth, whom I certainly love next to yourself." 
 
 " You need not say next I won t be jealous if you tell me 
 you love her better than you love me. I m sure I don t see how 
 it can be otherwise," said Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " It is even so, that of all and above all living beings, I love my 
 wife best. It is, indeed, a most remarkable fact, but, my dear, I 
 never knew how much I loved you, till I was all but dead with 
 dread, lest I should lose you last winter. 
 
 There was a sort of chill came over Mrs. Smith at this allusion, 
 but she soon recovered her look of animation. 
 
 " Now, my dear husband," said Mrs. Smith, as they seated 
 themselves on a small sofa before the grate, "this is a great se 
 cret, and you must not breathe it to any one." 
 Mr. Smith smiled and bowed his acquiescence. 
 "And now," continued the wife, "I have to let you into ano 
 ther secret, which is entirely my own, and which you must also 
 keep a profound secret." 
 
 The husband bowed his promises to fidelity. 
 " You must help me to get up an agreeable surprise for the oc 
 casion, something worthy of our love and their friendship." 
 
 "Certainly, my love, with all my heart!" said Mr. Smith, 
 thinking it was some splendid gift. 
 
 "I thank you! I knew you would comply with my wishes. 
 Well, then, husband, I mean to give Grace a splendid wedding " 
 "Dress!" said Mr. Smith, helping out his wife with a smile 
 and a word. 
 
428 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 "Dress!" exclaimed Mrs. Smith. "No, indeed, a splendid 
 wedding party." 
 
 Mr. Smith threw his arm affectionately round his wife, and 
 drawing her towards him 
 
 " Never ! never. Oh ! you have survived one party, and I will 
 never hazard another. Anything but a party ! I will present 
 Grace with a service of gold plate, costing fifty thousand dollars, 
 if it will please you, but no more parties. I hate them here, I 
 hate them everywhere. The recollection of your party never 
 comes to me but with a shudder of terror. You know, my love, 
 I cannot consent. I have said it I cannot!" 
 
 " My precious husband !" said Mrs. Smith, now folding her 
 arms around his neck, and looking very prettily into his eyes, 
 "how can you be so cruel?" 
 
 "Cruel? I am not cruel. I cannot, I will not risk the life of 
 one whom I so love." 
 
 " Dear husband, are you not very, very foolish, to suppose I 
 shall be sick if I should give another party. You know, dear, 
 it was my first attempt, and was attended with some mishaps 
 which can be guarded against, and, too," kissing him as she said 
 it, " you won t scold me if they should !" 
 
 It would seem hardly possible to have resisted such an appeal ; 
 but Mr. Smith, with all his love, was still Mr. John Smith, and 
 seizing upon the allusion, he said, 
 
 "My dear Julia, I don t see any better methods of lighting your 
 house now than then, and you know what I then said ; then, my 
 dear wife, in a tone of anger, which you have long since for 
 given." Here his wife stopped his speech, by closing his mouth 
 with her hand. " Well, love, let me finish my sentence; but 
 which I can never forget I now remember with solicitude and 
 tenderest love, / swore you should never give another party in 
 any house of mine, until you had lamps which never burned 
 dim." 
 
 " No, you didn t swear !" said the lady, " and if you did, I never 
 married an old Mede or Persian, but Mr. John Smith, a native of 
 the great republic of Babylonia, who change their Constitutional 
 laws just as often as it suits them; and then construe it as they 
 please to understand it. Now, I don t understand that I have 
 lived, do live, or will live under any such outlandish, old-fashioned, 
 and obsolete laws. I am a fashionable wife, and the only laws I 
 obey, are the laws of good society, and they imperatively de 
 mand of me to give a splendid wedding party to Grace Worth, 
 and, dearest, it must be given." 
 
 And, as when places besieged, they are usually, in the last 
 resort, carried by assault, so Mrs. Smith rose, and seating her- 
 
MR. SMITH REJECTS MRS. SMITH S PLAN. 429 
 
 self on her husband s knee, put her arms round his neck and 
 kissed him, till the stern look which had been gathering on his 
 brow was entirely cleared away. " There, now," said Mrs. 
 Smith, " let us hear no more of these Medes and Persians. I have 
 put them all to flight." 
 
 "But, seriously, my love, be entreated of me not to give this 
 party. If you will but find out some other way of expressing 
 your affection and mine, I shall be so pleased." 
 
 Mrs. Smith was quite touched by this appeal. It was quite 
 another matter than inflexible laws. Sitting for an instant in 
 silence, she looked up, and said 
 
 " No, my precious husband! parties I must give sometimes, and 
 I will commence with one to Grace. I must give parties or go 
 out of the world, and that I am not ready to do yet." 
 
 Mr. Smith then begged to have a respite until the next morn 
 ing, and so the matter stood. And the next morning, at the break 
 fast table, Mrs. Smith recalled his attention to her request : she 
 discovered, before she said a word, that there were no indications 
 of a speedy compliance. Still the question must be settled, and 
 the sooner the better. 
 
 "My dear wife," said the husband, as he rose from the table, 
 having listened to all the representations of the imperative obli 
 gations resting upon her to give a grand party during the winter, 
 and how delighted Grace would be, and how certain she should 
 be of success, which would forever obliterate the recollections of 
 the misfortunes of the first party "My dear wife, I remember, 
 with deep mortification, the incidents of that party, and its all but 
 fatal termination. I said then, and I say now, when you can 
 light up your parlors with lamps that never burn dim, I will 
 consent, but never till then. You may give a party if you will, 
 but never with my consent." 
 
 And so saying, they arose from the table, both of them grieved, 
 but yet without any feelings of estrangement, for Mrs. Smith was 
 as affectionate in her leave-taking of her husband as ever. He 
 left to attend to his business engagements, and his wife to think 
 of the possibility of meeting his seemingly insurmountable requi 
 sitions. 
 
430 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 Mrs. Smith s second " Grand Party" Mrs. Smith can t find lamps which suit 
 her husband Goes to Mrs. Van Dam s party, given to the Dons of the 
 springs Sees the lamps of the Gentleman in Black Her sad mistake 
 Peter s letter to Mrs. Smith The feelings of a lady on hearing the first 
 carriage roll up The party opens The cadets of the Coldstream Guards 
 arrive Entry of the Worths The supper Grace makes two converts 
 Character of the " Impracticables" The last point of high finish in a fash 
 ionable lady Colonel Worth and party leave The guests begin to disperse 
 Dancing saloon towards morning Katrine Van Tromp elopes with Don 
 Hernandez Mendez Pinto Mr. and Mrs. Smith, with Maria, go to their 
 chamber Side scenes as described by Maria Mrs. Smith and Maria go 
 down to the saloon, leaving Mr. Smith asleep Supper of the servants 
 "Uncle Tim s" speech in reply to a toast complimentary to "his young 
 mistress" Tom Jones toast Uproar thereon Uncle Tim toasts Mrs. 
 Smith, who comes from behind a screen, and replies in person On her 
 way to her room, meets Peter in the saloon Peter s story His explana 
 tion State of Mrs. Smith s " reputation robes " Mrs. Smith begs him to 
 stay in Babylon As Peter is about saying his last words, he hears the step 
 of the Gentleman in Black Mrs. Smith rushes up to her chamber Scene 
 behind the curtains. 
 
 MRS. SMITH now commenced a series of experiments which 
 resulted in unvarying failures. The Sinumbra, the Dome Jlr- 
 gand, GirarcTs, Parker s, Thilorier s hydrostatic lamps, and 
 every variety she could find in the shops of Babylon, were all 
 tried, but none stood the test enforced by her husband. 
 
 Poor Mrs. Smith was in despair ! She proposed the introduction 
 of gas, but her husband objected to defacing the walls, and espe 
 cially the beautifully painted and gilded ceilings, from burning the 
 gas, and the hazard of leaking; and Mrs. Smith, herself, had in 
 surmountable objections to lighting up her friends by the ghastly 
 glare of gas. She thought it made rooms look too much like apo 
 thecaries shops, and so week after week passed away, and she 
 often wished there was such a being as the Gentleman in Black, 
 and that he could be induced to have supplied her with those 
 beautiful lamps she had seen in the mirror. And though he be 
 came more and more a doubtful character with Mrs. Smith, she 
 never doubted that such lamps as his really existed in some part 
 of the world. 
 
PARTY AT MRS. VAN DAM S. 431 
 
 Who can describe the despair of a lady known to possess a 
 fine suite of rooms and rich furniture, with an assortment of 
 debts of society weighing upon her, and reduced to absolute in 
 solvency by the invincible determination of her husband? She 
 remonstrated in vain. She showed him that the course adopted 
 by him was the very way to keep alive their dreadful failure in 
 the memory of her guests, (and which she did not now fail to 
 exaggerate,) all which, she assured Mr. Smith, would be forgiven 
 and forgotten by the grand party she could give, and would give. 
 
 In her despair, she now really wished the Gentleman in Black 
 would reappear his lamps would be cheap at any price. And 
 as to what he had asked in exchange, "what was it? a trifle, 
 perhaps a lock of hair something, certainly, which she did not 
 care for." And so she mused till her vision assumed the shape 
 of reality, and she regretted the puncture of a lancet had for 
 ever destroyed the only hope she had of giving another party 
 but so it was. And though she often mused in this way in the 
 very seat she had before occupied, no obliging Gentleman in 
 Black ever came, until, her mind recovering its healthful tone, 
 she saw the folly of these imaginings, and was trying to disci 
 pline her mind to relinquish what was, at the time, an absorbing 
 idea one that had so much to recommend it, and which it was 
 with the greatest pain she thought of relinquishing. 
 
 In such a state of mind, Mrs. Smith received an invitation to 
 a grand party to be given by Mrs. Van Dani to the Mexican mil 
 lionaire and his suite, who were daily expected in Babylon. 
 This was the opening party of the season, and now all her griefs 
 were renewed. She told her husband, "as she could give no par 
 ties, she would go to none," and had written her note of declina 
 tion, when Grace came in, and told Mrs. Smith her mother would 
 be unable to attend Mrs. Van Dam s party, as she was compelled 
 to go with the colonel out of town, and that she had come to ask 
 her to be her chaperon on that evening. Mrs. Smith told her she 
 had just written a note declining the invitation. Grace begged 
 her not to send it, for, unless she would consent to go, she must 
 stay at home, and she could not subject herself to the annoyances 
 she might be compelled to meet, if she went alone with Mr. De 
 Lisle. As the result of her entreaties, joined to those of her 
 husband, the note was destroyed, greatly to the comfort of both, 
 and, it must be confessed, Mrs. Smith was glad of so good an 
 apology to herself for her acceptance. 
 
 The night on which the party " came off" was intensely cold, 
 and made a pleasant contrast to the summer warmth of the hall 
 they entered. To the astonishment of Mrs. Smith, the splendid 
 parlors of the Van Dams were dazzling with light, descending 
 
432 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 from the very lamps shown by the Gentleman in Black. She 
 gazed with wonder. The rooms were already thronged with com 
 pany ; and the " Ogre-eye" of the Mexican, with his tortoise- 
 shell eyeglass, met her at every turn, looking her through and 
 through, and she thought his smile never seemed more sinister 
 and malicious. The Misses Van Dams were assiduously attended 
 by their young Dons, and Katrine Van Tromp appeared, in all 
 the magnificence of her fine form, with Don Hernandez Mendez 
 Pinto at her elbow. 
 
 Everything was magnificent, and the party was a bright and 
 joyous one. Mrs. Smith shielded Grace from the many sly allu 
 sions which embarrassed her fair friend, and as soon as supper 
 was announced, Grace, pleading the indisposition of " Uncle Tim," 
 a favorite servant of her father s, and an especial pet of her own, 
 retired, under the escort of Mr. De Lisle, leaving Mrs. Smith to 
 find her way home under the care of some friend, as Mr. Smith 
 was away from home. 
 
 Mrs. Smith enjoyed the party, and was everywhere welcomed 
 with kindness. General Montmorris was especially attentive to 
 her, and the hours flew till the time of dispersing came. As the 
 rooms began to thin off, she looked around for the Gentleman in 
 Black, but no Gentleman in Black made his appearance; so she 
 determined to wait till all were gone. She looked at her watch ; 
 it was three o clock, and there the lamps were, burning and blaz 
 ing in undiminished splendor, as brightly as if just lighted. 
 
 The Van Dams were evidently annoyed at her stay, and sup 
 posed she was waiting for her husband. The General yawned, 
 and fell fast asleep. Mrs. Van Dam was evidently worn out ; 
 but Mrs. Smith put forth all her powers, and talked over every 
 topic likely to interest her and the young ladies of their party, 
 the ladies there, the gentlemen, their dresses, and especially of 
 the young Dons, whom Mrs. Smith, for the first time, now greatly 
 admired. She succeeded to her satisfaction with the young la 
 dies, but Mrs. Van Dam was all the while half-asleep, when the 
 door opened, and the servant came in, and said, in a " stage 
 aside" : 
 
 " John says, Mrs. Smith, that he s fearful the horses will die 
 of cold. He s been here these two hours." 
 
 Mrs. Smith was compelled to leave, and Mrs. Van Dam ac 
 companied her to the room where her shawls and cloaks were 
 placed, almost dead with sleep. When Mrs. Smith was all shawl 
 ed, and cloaked, and bonneted, and about to go, she felt herself 
 impelled to say to Mrs. Van Dam : 
 
 " Do tell me, when and where you last met the Gentleman in 
 Black?" 
 
MRS. SMITH S MISTAKE. 433 
 
 Mrs. Van Dam said, with some surprise " Gentleman in 
 Black! who is he? what do you mean?" waking up to what 
 seemed to her a sly insinuation pointing to Rev. Doctor Verdant 
 Green. 
 
 " My dear Mrs. Van Dam, I refer to the Gentleman in Black 
 who supplied you with your unspeakably splendid lamps. He 
 offered to supply me, but I fear I have, in some way, mortally 
 offended him." 
 
 Mrs. Van Dam now recalled all she had heard from Mrs. Tripp. 
 " Gracious heavens !" she exclaimed, now wide awake, " and do 
 you think I deal with the devil? or that I would sell my soul for 
 the sake of having my rooms well lighted ? No, madam, you 
 may save your soul, and have your rooms lighted to your heart s 
 content, by buying lamps where I bought mine of Mr. &ugu$* 
 tus Diacon, a gentleman in black, it may be, but not the black 
 gentleman you speak of." 
 
 Poor Mrs. Smith was speechless ! She hurried to her carriage. 
 She now saw the dreadful delusion she had been under. She 
 would gladly have relinquished the long sought-for lamps, and 
 saw, at a glance, the ridicule to which she should be exposed. 
 And she thought, with bitterness of spirit, of the breach of confi 
 dence on the part of Grace or of Mr. De Lisle, the only persons 
 to whom she had ever related her vision of the Gentleman in 
 Black but now there was no escape. 
 
 The next day, Grace called at an early hour, and when Mrs. 
 Smith looked into her fair face, she felt certain of her innocence, 
 but she could not refrain from telling her how deeply she had 
 been pained and mortified by what had been said to her by Mrs. 
 Van Dam, and at Mr. De Lisle s breach of confidence. Grace 
 flushed at the charge upon Mr. De Lisle, and replied : 
 
 " I will stake my life upon Mr. De Lisle s trustfulness ; and I 
 am certain Mrs. Van Dam has obtained all this from some one 
 else." 
 
 " How could she, dearest Grace ? I never spoke of it but to 
 you and Mr. De Lisle, and I need no assurances from you, to 
 know you are innocent." 
 
 " I am, dear Mrs. Smith, and so is Mr. De Lisle. And have 
 you never been told, that, on being restored from your swoon, 
 you talked for days and days, incessantly, about the Gentleman 
 in Black, and lamps that never burned dim, and poor Peter 
 Schlemihl? And this was well known to all that called." 
 
 " Ah ! was it so? Dear Grace, I beg Mr. De Lisle s pardon. 
 It s all explained. Yes, I must endure the jests my dear 
 friends will inflict. But these lamps? Where have they been, 
 that I never heard of them ?" 
 28 
 
434 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " I believe," said Grace, " the depot has recently been esta 
 blished in this city, and they are French lamps." 
 
 ** Nothing can save me, dear Grace," replied Mrs. Smith, with 
 a sad smile ; ** the lamps I must have" 
 
 They were purchased, and the inflexible demand of Mr. Smith 
 was fully met. His only hope of saving his wife from the ex 
 citement of a grand party (her " evenings at home" had been 
 long since resumed), was at an end, and he submitted to the in 
 fliction with the best possible grace. Mrs. Smith was now 
 amply repaid for her anxieties, by the delightful earnestness 
 manifested by her husband, to fulfil her every wish. Still there 
 were pangs of wretchedness when she thought of Mrs. Van Dam, 
 and the Gentleman in Black. 
 
 She, however, busied herself in all the details of her party. 
 Her visiting list had considerably increased. It was no longer a 
 question with her whom she should invite, but whom she should 
 drop, for, though her circle had been enlarged, her rooms had not. 
 Few ladies but have made this discovery before, and who do 
 not know the perplexities which are attendant upon selections to 
 be made under like circumstances. 
 
 Mr. Smith attended to everything which could add to the 
 beauty and splendor of her saloons ; he engaged the best Res 
 taurateur to provide and serve the supper. All things were 
 ready, and the day of the party had arrived. It was a beautiful 
 clear day, and there were so many acceptances, and so few 
 declined, as to assure Mrs. Smith that there would be no failure 
 from want of guests. The reputation of Mrs. Smith s evenings, 
 which were carefully selected and restricted, had given her quite 
 an enviable notoriety, and everybody had an interest in seeing 
 this attractive lady. 
 
 Grace had been married to Mr. De Lisle two days before, as 
 had been proposed, and no one knew of it, and the marriage was 
 to be announced at the party. This accorded with Mrs. Smith s 
 wishes, and was pleasing to Grace, who felt no better way could 
 be devised to go through the ordeal of being shown up as a bride. 
 
 While Mr. and Mrs. Smith were breakfasting, Tom Jones, 
 their footman, brought in as usual the morning mail, and Mr. Smith 
 threw to Mrs. Smith some twenty notes or more, addressed to 
 his wife. She opened one after another, carelessly, when she 
 threw one to her husband. 
 
 " See there ! the Van Dams, notwithstanding all my refusals, 
 insist on bringing those odious Mexicans here." 
 
 " Well, dearest, let them come ; they are not so large as Katrine 
 Van Tromp, all put together." 
 
 Mrs. Smith opened another note. " Was there ever any one so 
 
PETER S WARNING TO MRS. SMITH. 435 
 
 foolishly anxious about his wife s health, as Frank Stanly !" ex 
 claimed Mrs. Smith, holding up a note. 
 
 "Read it, love," said Mr. Smith, as he helped himself to 
 another platter of buckwheat cakes, which the servant had brought 
 piping hot, " done brown on both sides," to the table. 
 
 Mrs. Smith read the note, as follows : 
 
 " La Grange Square, Monday evening. 
 
 " My very dear MRS. SMITH : I read your kind note to Frank, 
 refusing my declinature, and begged him to allow me the gratifica 
 tion of being present at your party. I know it will be a delight 
 ful one, and you tell me, there is to be an * agreeable surprise, 
 which I must not miss. Without any such intimation, I do truly 
 long to be with you ; but my dear husband says I have not been 
 well of late, * that my health forbids it; and so, dearest Mrs. 
 Smith, you must forgive me if I decline and I regret to say, I 
 can t persuade Frank to go without me : but so it is, I must learn 
 from some of our * evening circle, all the particulars. My best 
 wishes attend you, and I should be most grateful to share in all 
 the pleasures, not forgetting the agreeable surprise, which you 
 know so well how to prepare for your friends. 
 
 " Always most affectionately yours, 
 
 * JANET STRAHAN STANLY." 
 
 " When he s been married a dozen years," said Mrs. Smith, 
 as she pettishly threw down the note, and opened another, " he 
 will be more considerate of his wife s wishes, and the claims of 
 those who love her as well as himself." 
 
 " I am sure, my love," said Mr. Smith, " I would, in his case, 
 act as he does." 
 
 The remark was lost on Mrs. Smith, who made an exclama 
 tion, as she read the note just opened, with all eagerness and 
 riveted attention ; she looked up in amazement. 
 
 "What is the matter, love ?" asked Mr. Smith, with an earnest 
 ness of concern. 
 
 " Read that note, husband !" handing him the note. He read 
 it aloud, as follows : 
 
 " My dear MRS. SMITH : Permit one of the humblest of your 
 friends to warn you of a conspiracy to make your party to-night 
 a signal failure. And I pray you, obtain the services of a new 
 set of waiters for your supper. Those whom you have hired 
 are all foreigners, and are enlisted to defeat your hopes, and to 
 disgrace you, if possible, by their well-contrived schemes. Be 
 sure of this, and believe me to be devotedly and truly your friend, 
 
 " PETER SCHLEMIHL." 
 
436 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " This, my dearest," said Mr. Smith, as he laid down the note, 
 " is a poor joke, played off by some good-natured friend, who has 
 been omitted in your list of invitations." 
 
 " Oh no ! I fear there is some mischief planned, and I shall be 
 miserable till this party is over." 
 
 " My dear love," replied Mr. Smith, " this note asks you to 
 do what is very readily attained and if it will give you any re 
 lief, I will obtain a dozen first rate waiters from the Babylonian 
 hotel, upon whose ability and integrity I have all confidence, and 
 indeed, as I know them, I shall prefer to do so." 
 
 " Thank you, dear husband ! do so, and I shall be restored to 
 my ease of mind." 
 
 " Give yourself no concern about this note. The request, if 
 made by a friend, will be met; if it comes from some mischief 
 maker, the object is so contemptible as to be of no manner of 
 consequence." So saying, Mr. Smith took his wonted kiss, and 
 left the house. 
 
 The hour came. Mrs. Smith was splendidly attired. There 
 was, in spite of herself, a dread of some unforeseen mishap, which 
 might ruin her second grand party. The new waiters made their 
 appearance, and every thing which could be devised for the suc 
 cess of the party, had been attended to. 
 
 Mrs. Smith s heart beat rapidly, as she heard the wheels of 
 the first carriage, and of the letting down of the steps, at her door. 
 The throngs which now came in, in rapid succession, fully occu 
 pied her thoughts. She received her guests with all grace and 
 serenity of manner. The Van Dams brought their Dons, and 
 Mrs. Van Dam led up the senior Jago, whose bows were more 
 than usually profound. The Van Tromps were attended by Don 
 Hernandez Mendez Pinto, who devoted himself, as usual, to 
 Katrine, and indeed, his ignorance of all languages but Spanish, 
 seemed to render this necessary. 
 
 But if there were some guests, who were as unexpected as 
 they were unwelcome, Mrs. Smith was repaid by the agreeable 
 surprise of seeing Lieutenant De Roos, and eight other young 
 officers of the Coldstream Guards, enter. She had playfully sent 
 cards to these cadets of nobility, as soon as she had decided on 
 the evening, and they told her, Colonel Greenwood sent them as 
 his representatives, and to supply his place. This was certainly 
 a very distinguished mark of their friendship, as well as of Colo 
 nel Greenwood s politeness ; and Mrs. Smith took great pleasure 
 in presenting them to the most beautiful and attractive of her 
 young friends. They all inquired eagerly for Miss Grace Worth, 
 and were told playfully, she would soon be among them, as de 
 lighted to see them as they could possibly be to see her. In the 
 
ARRIVAL OF THE WORTH PARTY. 437 
 
 meanwhile, they must be content with the lovely girls she should 
 present them to. 
 
 Near ten o clock, Colonel Worth and Mrs. Worth, Mr. and 
 Mrs. De Lisle, Jane and cousin Richard, all entered the saloon 
 together. Grace shone a divinity ! and was presented as " Mrs. 
 De Lisle." De Lisle was calm and happy, and received the con 
 gratulations offered him, with all frankness, and Grace returned 
 the thousand kisses she received with grateful expressions of her 
 thanks for the kind wishes all expressed for her. The surprise 
 was complete, and shed its sunshine over the party, and Mrs. 
 Smith forgot it was possible for lamps ever to burn dim. 
 
 When the cadets of the Coldstream Guards found Grace was 
 a bride, there seemed a little hesitancy and disappointment, at 
 first, but this was dispelled by the warmth of the reception each 
 and all received from her and Mrs. Worth. They forgot their 
 disappointment in the gayety around them, and consoled them 
 selves by their undivided attentions to the sweet girls who had 
 kindly assumed the task of making this evening bright and joyous, 
 by their smiles and beauty. And, during the evening, they were 
 objects of special admiration, when it was known that some were 
 real "live lords," and the least distinguished had the prefix of 
 an honorable to their names. 
 
 As for Mrs. Tripp, she was altogether beside herself, for the 
 pleasure of meeting these associates of Adela. It was a triumph 
 to her to be presented as the mother of Mrs. Doyle to receive 
 the kind compliments paid by them to Adela, who, they said, 
 was the favorite of all in garrison. She did not forget to pre 
 sent Josephine, who, with an adroitness worthy of her parentage, 
 managed to attach a slip of a lord to herself, for the entire even 
 ing, and made the most of him, to the great chagrin of many 
 young ladies, then and there present. Nor could the amiable 
 Mrs. Tripp, as she walked beside her daughter Josephine, who 
 was parading her lord, deny herself the pleasure of a look of 
 triumph at the Van Dams and Katrine Van Tromp, whose pigmy 
 Dons never looked so small in their eyes as they did at that mo 
 ment. 
 
 At midnight, the doors of the supper room were thrown open. 
 The effect was as splendid as light, cut glass and plate could 
 make it. Never was there so gay a party. Never were wines 
 drank with greater gout. The young ladies, smiling in beauty, 
 (the realizations of poetic dreams of light and air !) were yet 
 found equal to the task of demolishing most of the miracles of 
 pastry and confectionery, within the reach of their devoted ad 
 mirers and some of them showed they could stand the musket 
 ry of the champagne corks, with a steadiness worthy of veterans. 
 
438 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 But they soon fled the field, leaving to the men of forty, and 
 such like sensible persons, to make a more perfect analysis of 
 the various admirable creations of art and science, submitted for 
 their dissection and deglutition, a work of much care and research. 
 Montmorris, " Old Knick," and other beaux d> esprit of Babylon, 
 actually outshone the lustres, by the constant coruscations of 
 their wit. Old Godolphin and Alderman Peterson swore they 
 were nuisances that should be abated, for they forgot to taste 
 what they were eating, for laughing at the drollery and exquisite 
 jests. The toasts drank were as bright and sparkling as the wine 
 in the beakers, and so rapid in succession, as to admit of no very 
 accurate calculation as to the number given. 
 
 While such were the sensible and satisfactory enjoyments in 
 the dining-hall, the juveniles were happy in the ecstacy of waltz 
 ing, in the dancing saloon, to the music of the best band in Ba 
 bylon. 
 
 Mrs. Smith was conscious, at times, of the " evil eye" of that 
 hateful Mexican, as he frequently crossed her path, and whose 
 cold sinister smile for an instant gave her a feeling of disquiet, 
 which, however, the necessity of making replies to the kind re 
 marks of some friend, instantly dispelled. Mrs. Smith was every 
 where without effort; going from group to group, and from room 
 to room, she moved with grace, and a happy serenity of man 
 ner, which indicated the most perfect self-possession, and enabled 
 her to see that all her guests were happily occupied. 
 
 The eyes of no one rested on Mrs. Smith with a more fond 
 and approving smile than those of her husband. He was assi 
 duous in promoting the pleasure of their friends, if not so ob 
 viously as his wife, at least always effectively. As they were for 
 an instant standing together in the saloon, after supper, Grace came 
 toward them, leading Jane and cousin Richard. "Dear Mrs. 
 Smith, I have made a convert !" said Grace in a gay tone. 
 " Jane says she is ready to adventure upon the ocean of life 
 under the conduct of cousin Richard, if he will promise to take 
 Mr. De Lisle for his guiding star." 
 
 " And I," said cousin Richard, " have agreed to take command, 
 if Jane will promise to follow the example of our dear Mrs. De 
 Lisle." 
 
 Mr. and Mrs. Smith both presented them their congratulations, 
 and asked how long it had been since the happy thought occurred 
 to them to adopt the rule of " safe precedents." 
 
 " Within these ten minutes !" said Jane. * And so soon as it 
 occurred to me, I told the thought to Richard, and we both at 
 once agreed for the first time," said the girl, laughing. 
 
 " And now it seems surprising to me," said cousin Richard, 
 
JANE GRACIE AGREES TO MARRY "COUSIN RICHARD." 439 
 
 " that it never occurred to either of us before. We have agreed 
 never to dispute; and Jane says she will never perpetrate ano 
 ther repartee at my expense. And if we should ever get at 
 swords points, we are at once to ask, how would Grace act? 
 and what would Mr. De Lisle say? and so settle the matter. 
 Don t you think we shall succeed ?" 
 
 " My dear love," said Mr. Smith, smiling fondly as he ad 
 dressed his wife, " that would not be a bad plan for us to adopt." 
 
 " Now, husband ! Grace, my dear, you don t believe we ever 
 quarrel and dispute, and say sharp things to each other, as these 
 two children have been wont to do ?" 
 
 And while this little group of happy souls were so occupied, 
 our good friend Mr. Winterbottom, and Mr. De Lisle, came up. 
 
 " What makes you all so merry here?" asked Mr. Winterbot 
 tom. And Mrs. Smith, in a lively and graphic way, told of all 
 the trials and sorrows of their young friends, and how they 
 had just discovered the mariner s compass, which was to ensure 
 them a safe voyage on the sea of life, and how Mr. Smith had 
 presumed to say, that she needed just such a leading star for her 
 guidance as that which shone out of the blue heaven of her 
 friend Grace De Lisle s eyes. 
 
 Grace insisted on being spared this excess of adulation. " From 
 the crowd around me," said Grace, " on this evening, it is to be 
 expected ; but from my own friends, I seek and expect the 
 truth." 
 
 Mrs. Smith took Mr. Winterbottom s arm, and the group dis 
 persed. 
 
 " Ah ! my dear madam," said Winterbottom, with a tone of 
 sadness, " what a happy fellow De Lisle is ! What a wife he 
 has to make his days days of blessedness. What a fool I have 
 been to let the golden hour of opportunity slip!" 
 
 Mrs. Smith, supposing he alluded to the incidents of the last 
 summer, said, " My dear Winterbottom there are twenty girls 
 in this room who are every way superior to Adela Tripp, and 
 who would readily change their names with you." 
 
 " Adela Tripp !" exclaimed Mr. Winterbottom. " You don t 
 suppose I had any wish to unite myself to Adela Tripp?" 
 
 "Are you not unjust?" said Mrs. Smith, seriously. "Adela 
 Tripp is the child of a heartless woman trained to the arts of 
 deception : but I honestly believe Adela Tripp is not without 
 heart, and under proper influences, this would have been de 
 veloped. And had you married her, as I suppose you could 
 have done last summer, she would have satisfied your eye, if not 
 your heart. Your home would have been bright and beautiful, 
 
. 
 440 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 and, I think, she would have been, as far as she could be, a good 
 wife." 
 
 " But, my dear Mrs. Smith, it is not my eye, but my heart I 
 need filled. Is there a Mrs. Smith is there a Grace Worth 
 here ? If you will but show me one who, in any good degree, 
 resembles either yourself or your dear friend, I pledge you I will 
 marry her on sight. 
 
 Mrs. Smith laughed, and was about to leave him but he was 
 earnest, and asked her to stay one moment longer. 
 
 " You think I made a mistake in not marrying Adela ? I really 
 would have done so, but the thought of her artful and managing 
 mother frightened me was I right?" 
 
 " Perhaps you were," said Mrs. Smith. " But, my dear sir, 
 you ought not, and must not expect to inspire love in a Grace 
 Worth, even if I could point her out. Possessed as you are of 
 a large fortune, endowed by nature with warm and generous sen 
 timents, a charity open as the day, there are many most lovable 
 girls who could be inspired with an honest zeal, while you con 
 fer on them wealth which they do not possess, to bestow upon 
 you the treasures of love, refinement and talent, with which 
 they are enriched. One of these evenings we will talk this all 
 over, but not now ; you see there are some ladies who seem un 
 occupied; let me task you to do the agreeable to them." 
 
 " With pleasure," said Mr. Winterbottom. " Aided by you 
 and De Lisle, and his dear wife, with God s blessing I mean to 
 be a married man before this time next year." 
 
 And so he was led to the ladies, introduced, and having a heart 
 more than usually buoyant, really appeared well, looked well, 
 and conversed well. 
 
 Mrs. Tripp now met Mrs. Smith. " My dear friend, there 
 never was such a party given as this in Babylon ! Adela will be 
 so happy. Oh ! if she was only here, how delighted she would 
 be ! There never was anything so perfect never anything so 
 sweetly sustained." 
 
 Mrs. Tripp would have prolonged the conversation, but Mrs. 
 Smith bowed her acknowledgments, and passed on towards the 
 dancing saloon. In the entry she saw the elder Don in earnest 
 talk with Don Hernandez Mendez Pinto, and though, as usual, 
 he made no gesture, he eyed the lamps with a savage look, and 
 then glanced fiercely at Don Hernandez, who seemed soothing 
 him. The moment she was seen, the Mexican bowed profound 
 ly, as she passed into the saloon, and walked away with his 
 usual stolidity of manner. 
 
 At the entrance of the saloon, Katrine Van Tromp was stand 
 ing alone, with a serious and anxious look ; she started as she saw 
 
441 
 
 Mrs. Smith, and was about to look the other way, as if to avoid 
 her, but Mrs. Smith, being inclined to address Katrine, whom she 
 now saw for the first time alone, asked her how she had spent 
 her evening? whether she had been dancing? 
 
 " No, madam, not this evening." 
 
 " And how do your Mexican friends get on. I hope they find 
 the hours passing happily." 
 
 "I believe," said Katrine, " you will find them waltzing." 
 
 It was evident that Katrine was in no very conversable mood, 
 which was quite a new phase for her to wear : but their inter 
 view was terminated by the senior Don coming to the door, and 
 beckoning to her. Katrine, without a bow or a gesture to Mrs. 
 Smith, left her and followed him. 
 
 Mrs. Smith found Lucille and Eugenie Van Dam waltzing with 
 their Dons, who seemed unusually ardent and open in their de- 
 votedness, and the floor was thronged with spectators, as well as 
 those dancing. Mrs. Smith sought to secure for those so unen 
 gaged, the services of the gentlemen whom she deemed likely to 
 supply them with agreeable and suitable partners, if they were 
 inclined to dance. 
 
 But Mrs. Smith found that at her party, as other ladies have 
 found at theirs, there were some, indeed, many ladies who were 
 intolerable and unmixable. They wanted to dance, but none of 
 the beaux she could commend would suit, so they assumed the 
 air of the languid and the indifferent ; and amused themselves by 
 their sneers at those of their set who were less fastidious than 
 themselves, or, what added pungency to their sarcasms, if those 
 who were successful, belonged to set number two, or chanced 
 to live in any dubious section of the city. To be sure, there 
 were some young ladies who were by common consent beyond 
 the reach of this sharp-shooting, whose birth and position in 
 society were fully established. Such were commended usually 
 with faint praise, but, mostly, the acids prevailed, and the com 
 mendations they expressed served to calm their consciences that 
 they were not, all this while, guilty of the sin of backbiting. It 
 is wonderful how small an amount of commendation serves to neu 
 tralize a vast quantity of severest sarcasm, in the minds of some 
 very alarmingly proper and singularly virtuous persons. With 
 such, Mrs. Smith did the best she could. If she found them 
 among the impracticables, she let them alone, and they did not 
 fail to reward her for her pains by those furtive looks to each 
 other, and brief laughs and glances directed to her lamps, which 
 told, too plainly to be mistaken, how exceedingly amused they 
 were that she should have supposed the devil was the only one 
 who could help her to light up her house. 
 
442 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 These methods of showing up a hostess before her face, by sly 
 innuendoes and various other ways, are peculiar to those who deem 
 themselves, and are deemed by others, par excellence, thorough 
 bred. Indeed, no one who has not been trained in the highest 
 circles dare to adventure, where a slip is every wny dangerous 
 and disgraceful, and the mean is hard to hit, and requires perfect 
 poise of manner and expression. Vulgar people make the most 
 wretched failures, and all their imitations are odious from their 
 want of tact ; and this, therefore, may be regarded, with all pro 
 priety, the last point of finish, only attained in the highest cir 
 cles of fashionable life. 
 
 Mrs. Smith would, doubtless, have been annoyed by all these 
 acts of petty malice, but she had no time to dwell upon unplea 
 sant thoughts or actions, and so was saved from the painstaking 
 of all such people to annoy and embarrass her. She had suc 
 ceeded in getting up a very respectable musical party, and once 
 set agoing, they kept up the tide of song in her music room. In 
 the library, under the approving smiles of the venerable Fathers of 
 the Church, whose busts surmounted the book-cases, some thirty 
 veteran whist-players were occupied at the card-tables, and the 
 occasional jar of the ceiling showed that her young friends 
 were as happy as youth and beauty, and well-dressed beaux 
 could make them. 
 
 Mr. Smith now joined her, and told her the Worths were wish 
 ing to leave. She returned to the saloon, and, for the first time, 
 sat down at ease between Grace and her mother. After a few 
 moments conversation on topics suggested by the brilliant success 
 which had attended her party, Mrs. Worth, taking her hand in 
 both of hers, addressed Mrs. Smith with much affection of tone 
 and manner. " Before we take leave of you, dear Mrs. Smith, 
 let me express our thanks to you for the pleasures of this party, 
 and for all those acts of friendship which have conspired in mak 
 ing this evening one of the brightest and happiest of my life." 
 
 "Dear Mrs. Worth, you overwhelm me with thanks which I 
 most gratefully receive, but of which I am entirely unworthy. I 
 can say, and do say, I have never ventured to influence, much 
 less to make a suggestion to, either Grace or Mr. De Lisle, as to 
 their love for each other." 
 
 " I am perfectly aware, dear Mrs. Smith," replied Mrs. Worth, 
 "of all the kindness and sympathy you have always felt, nor have 
 I been unobservant of your unceasing friendship for Grace. You 
 are now rewarded in seeing her in the possession of a man whom 
 she loves, and whom I delight to call my son. I beg you to be 
 lieve we all shall be most happy to be ranked in your affections 
 amongst the first and firmest of your friends." 
 
THE WORTH PARTY TAKE LEAVE OF MRS. SMITH. 443 
 
 Grace now attempted to speak, but failing from excess of feel 
 ing, not thinking it the fittest place in the world to cry, she 
 changed her tears to kisses, which did a great deal better, and so 
 thought Mr. De Lisle, who came up with her father at that 
 moment, both having gone in search of Mrs. Smith in order to 
 the leave-taking. Mr. De Lisle smiled at the excess of feeling 
 which the face of his Grace exhibited, whose cheeks were still 
 wet with tears, when he reached the sofa where they were all 
 sitting. 
 
 "Dear Mrs. Smith, if I did not feel myself under the deepest 
 and most lasting obligations to you, I might be jealous of Grace 
 for loving you too well." Col. Worth expressed his happiness 
 and congratulated Mrs. Smith ; and Mr. De Lisle, taking her hand 
 in his, as they rose to go, addressed Mrs. Smith. 
 
 " I challenge, for Grace and myself, the continuance of all the 
 affection and friendship you have entertained for us separately." 
 
 " I accept the challenge," said Mrs. Smith, stifling her emo 
 tions in a gay tone, and accompanying them with Mr. Smith into 
 the hall, they kissed and took leave. The heart of Mrs. Smith 
 was oppressed with a fullness of joy, which almost amounted to 
 pain, as she said to Mr. Smith, on their way back to the saloon, 
 
 " Dear husband ! I am too, too happy !" 
 
 The example of the Worths was followed by people who have 
 an odd way of going to bed about midnight, though there be ever 
 so many clever things to beguile away the time. The calls for 
 carriages became frequent, and Mr. and Mrs. Smith were fully 
 occupied in receiving the compliments and adieus of those who 
 were retiring. The whist party was reduced to a few desperate 
 old men, who were playing for very considerable sums, so as to 
 keep up a reasonable degree of excitement ; and as one source of 
 enjoyment died down to kindle up another. In the music-room, 
 there was a knot of ladies and gentlemen who really loved the 
 music they made, and at this moment were executing the most 
 difficult, music in the very best style ; the task no longer being 
 who shall begin first, but, in fact, who shall play or sing next. 
 The cotillions, as we have said, gave place long since to waltzing 
 this was superseded by mazourkas, and then the waltzing was 
 renewed ; and, as Mrs. Smith found time to run up into the 
 dancing room, the party there had commenced a Spanish dance, 
 in which the Dons and Coldstream Guardsmen, who all seemed 
 more elastic and gay as the night advanced, with their beautiful 
 partners, shone conspicuous. She found the saloon for dancing 1 
 still thronged ; the departures had, as yet, made no sensible im 
 pression on the numbers there. 
 
 As Mrs. Smith was standing near the door, hearing all the kind 
 
444 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 and agreeable things which the " Old Knick" of Babylon was 
 saying to her, Mrs. Van Tromp touched her arm. She led Mrs. 
 Smith into the entry, and asked in an earnest tone 
 
 " Has Katrine taken leave of you ? and when ? and with 
 whom ?" 
 
 Mrs. Smith replied, * That she had not. I think she must be 
 sitting behind some of those who are standing as spectators. I 
 will ask some one to go round and see," and so saying, they re 
 turned. Mrs. Van Tromp s air and manner betokened anxiety ; 
 she enlisted a Mr. Simpson, a slim young lawyer, to go round 
 the room, and ask Miss Katrine to come to her, and tell her, her 
 father, and mother, and sister, were all waiting for her. Having 
 dispatched Mr. Simpson, Mrs. Van Tromp attempted some plea 
 sant compliments, but was so absorbed and anxious, as never to 
 finish any sentence she commenced. She asked, " Where is 
 Don St. Jago ?" 
 
 " He was here some little while since ; I saw him in company 
 with Don Hernandez Mendez Pinto, and now, I remember, the 
 senior Don beckoned to Katrine as I was standing beside her, 
 and led her away." 
 
 " Have they taken leave of you ?" 
 
 " Neither of them," replied Mrs. Smith, in some surprise. 
 
 " Tis very strange," said Mrs. Van Tromp. " They all have 
 disappeared an hour since." 
 
 " Why no ! there are the sons dancing with Lucille and Eu 
 genie Van Dam." 
 
 " Yes, I see them," was all the reply Mrs. Van Tromp saw fit 
 to make. 
 
 Mr. Simpson now appeared in sight, and coming up, repeated 
 " Miss Katrine, non est." 
 
 * Where, in Heaven s name, can she be ?" exclaimed her mother. 
 " Dear Mrs. Smith, good night ! see you soon delightful party 
 very much entertained, very don t trouble yourself to follow 
 me down." And so Mrs. Van Tromp left her. 
 
 Taking Mr. Old Knick s arm, Mrs. Smith made her way through 
 the saloon, and exchanged some hundreds of bright speeches with 
 the young ladies and gentlemen, aided with the " light artillery, 
 charged with grape," which her attendant had always ready to 
 bring to play upon the masses, and so, having finished the circuit, 
 she relinquished his arm, and making her suitable acknowledgments 
 to "Old Knick," for all the kind aid he had so felicitously and 
 effectively rendered her during the evening, she returned alone to 
 the saloon, and rejoined her husband, who was on duty, during 
 her absence, making his best bows to the retiring guests, and the 
 best apologies for his absent wife. 
 
MR. AND MRS. SMITH RETIRE TO THEIR ROOM. 445 
 
 " There is a time for everything," said Solomon, and he might 
 have added, without losing his reputation for wisdom " There s 
 an end to everything." And so the young ladies discovered, that, 
 between the hours of three and four in the morning, after having 
 been standing, or walking, or dancing, till about that time, they 
 were at the end of their capacity to hold up any longer; and still 
 under the high excitement of the evening, they wrap up, and 
 drive home, and about half-past four, hardly able to undress 
 themselves, fall heavily upon their pillows, weary and worn out, 
 the very last degree of physical strength and excitability ex 
 hausted. They sleep long, but wake unrefreshed ; looking pale, 
 jaded and worthless, and they really are so for the day ; and be 
 gin to brighten up just about dark the next evening, when they 
 confidently expect some glance of an eye some soft pressure of 
 the hand some half-finished sentence will be explained ; and to 
 all it is so delightful to meet those who have been their especial 
 attendants, and to talk over the scenes of the delightful party of 
 the preceding evening. Such is the life of very lovely, fascinat 
 ing, pleasure-loving girls, all the world over. 
 
 The last guest was gone! Mr. Smith folded his wife in his 
 arms, and kissed her. " My love, let us be thankful this party is 
 over, and well over. And now, I mean to make sure of you. 
 There shall be no dreaming down stairs this night. So let us go 
 to bed." 
 
 " With all my heart, love ; but wait one moment, till I can 
 speak with James. I want him to take especial care of the old 
 plate I borrowed of Colonel Worth." 
 
 " My dear, James will count every spoon, and compare every 
 piece with his schedule. I fear nothing of loss, and now all is 
 over, and well over, I am but too happy. Come, love, let us go 
 up stairs." 
 
 " Just one minute, husband ! James ! James !" cried Mrs. 
 Smith, for as Mr. Smith still held her hand, she could not go to 
 the dining-room. 
 
 Maria, Mrs. Smith s maid, now came, and asked " If she would 
 now be undressed ?" 
 
 " Yes ! Maria," said Mr. Smith, speaking for his wife, " we 
 are just waiting for you, to go to our chamber." And so they 
 three went up together into Mr. and Mrs. Smith s sleeping room, 
 the only room which had remained undisturbed, and which had 
 served as the ladies toilette-room. 
 
 Mr. Smith went into his dressing-room, and was soon en 
 shrouded in his bed-gown and silk embroidered night-cap, with 
 its tassel, the handiwork of his dear wife, and coming into the 
 chamber, listened at the door of Mrs. Smith s dressing-room, and 
 there was Maria, talking on to his wife, who was laughing away 
 
446 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 in the greatest glee, at Maria s amusing description of her party, 
 as seen upon the stairs, and in the entries, and, above all, in her 
 own chamber. These are, indeed, among the most interesting 
 incidents to be witnessed. Here, the varnish of society is taken 
 off, and characters are shown in all the severe aspects of unaffect 
 ed simplicity and truth. The reproaches of neglect in sitting 
 carelessly on dresses the muddying of kid shoes, and all such 
 little griefs are then expressed, with such sour faces and very 
 sharp voices, as never could have been conceived of by those 
 who saw the sweet, gentle, downcast looks of these same young 
 ladies two minutes after, when led up to Mrs. Smith in the pre 
 sence of her assembled guests. 
 
 Mr. Smith rapped on the door. "Maria! don t keep your 
 mistress up till daylight." 
 
 " No, sir ! she will soon be undressed," and the girl went on, 
 and Mr. Smith listened awhile with a pleased smile, to the joy 
 ous laugh of his wife, as Maria continued her amusing sketches 
 of fashionable life behind the scenes. Happy with himself, 
 gratified with his friends, and above all proud of his beautiful and 
 loving wife, now safe in her own chamber, in high spirits and 
 buoyancy of heart, Mr. Smith laid himself down in his bed, and 
 was soon asleep. 
 
 Now, too, there was an end even of Maria s story. And 
 Mrs. Smith came out of her dressing room looking very sweetly; 
 her hair was carefully parted on her forehead, and hid under a 
 cap, the most perfectly graceful and bewitching thing that a woman 
 ever put upon her head. And then the ruffles on her robe-de- 
 nuit, were all nicely plaited, and there was an air of freshness 
 and beauty in her looks, which took away every trace of fatigue. 
 
 Maria and Mrs. Smith came out together ; Maria still talking 
 on to her smiling mistress, who, holding up the lamp, discovered 
 her husband was fast asleep. 
 
 " I declare, Maria, I must know from James, (who was major 
 domo of the house,) if the plate of Col. Worth is all safe, before 
 I can sleep a wink to-night; hand me my slippers and cloak, and 
 I will go down with you, and you shall call him into the saloon. 
 Leave the lamp on the stand. Now leave the door open, so I 
 shall not awake my husband when I return," and so arraying 
 herself, she went down stairs, with her maid. 
 
 Mrs. Smith found her rooms, so recently thronged, now empty, 
 the lights still blazing ; the servants were all assembled in the 
 dining-hall, making merry over the remnants of the supper, and 
 had sat in to " make a night of it." As she approached the door, 
 Mrs. Smith discovered James seated in state at the head of the 
 table ; about twenty men-servants, and half as many females, (all 
 
THE SERVANT S SUPPER. 447 
 
 young, and in their best dresses.) were seated around the table, 
 which had been carefully arranged for the second supper. 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen," cried out Mr. James, " fill up bump 
 ers for the first of the regular toasts in course, to be given by 
 Mr. Dick Harris, (Dick was Mr. De Lisle s man,) and to be drunk 
 standing." " Bumpers ! Bumpers !" cried out the company, 
 and while they were thus occupied, Mrs. Smith and Maria slipped 
 in, and from behind a screen which had been used during the 
 evening to hide the wine required for the supper, they were able 
 to hear, and Maria, at the request of her mistress, made two holes, 
 which enabled them to see all that was going on. 
 
 Mr. Dick Harris rose, and made ready to deliver himself of 
 his toast. " Ladies and gentlemen : 1 have been selected to give 
 the first regular sentiment in course. I know of no one more 
 likely to be well received, none so proper for me to offer, as the 
 one I now give : 
 
 " My new and young mistress, GRACE DE LISLE, not less an 
 angel of goodness, though deprived of her WORTH." 
 
 The toast was drunk with enthusiasm by the entire company, 
 and then Mr. James set the example of calling out "Legs!" 
 "Legs !" " Uncle Tim!" and was followed by a general cry of 
 "Tim," "Legs!" "Legs!" " Uncle Tim." 
 
 " Uncle Tim," a tall, and bright mulatto man, whose hair was 
 now white with age, rose with the air and manner of a well- 
 bred gentleman. He had been born in the family of Colonel 
 Worth s father, had traveled over Europe with his son, and ever 
 since his marriage, had been the head of his household. Ac 
 customed to hearing the best conversation, he had the good sense 
 to be an accurate copyist, and it was really wonderful, but so it 
 was, his very voice resembled Colonel Worth s ; whose manner 
 and bearing were strikingly exhibited in all he did, so that Mrs. 
 Worth used to say that " Uncle Tim was the greatest flatterer 
 her husband had in the world, for while he copied his virtues, he 
 did not forget his faults." We have said before, he was the pet 
 of the family ; he was eminently so of Grace, as we shall see. 
 Bowing to the company, " Uncle Tim," with the utmost sim 
 plicity and directness of manner, commenced :* 
 
 " My kind friends, I thank you for the warm welcome the 
 compliment given by Mr. Harris has received at your hands. I 
 thank him especially for the words in which his high admiration 
 of his mistress, alas ! mine no more, has been expressed. This 
 evening, I heard Mrs. Grace De Lisle toasted by the gentlemen in 
 
 * " Uncle Tim." may be a rara avis in the Northern and Middle states 
 but I know many such in our Southern states. PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
448 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 this room as a goddess, whose name I have forgotten. God 
 desses I know but little of. I doubt not the gentleman designed 
 to say what was complimentary to my dear young mistress, but 
 it did not strike me pleasantly. From all I have ever read of 
 these goddesses in the school books of my dear young lady, I 
 never found one who at all resembled her. The toast just drunk 
 calls her an angel of goodness. Ah ! she is so she has been 
 so from her very birth. It has been the joy of my life to see her 
 in all the steps of her progress. She was a sweet infant, as a 
 little girl, she was tenderness itself, and very pitiful. No pain, 
 though it were felt by a dog or a cat, but opened her heart in 
 tears. The highest joy of her childhood was to be with Tim. 
 Uncle Tim, then, was all the world to Grace, and Grace was 
 all the world to me ! To ride on a cushion, as we did every fine 
 day for hours, to go with me on my errands, especially when 
 I was sent to see some poor person, and she was allowed to carry 
 her little basket of cakes, as her own gift, was the heaven of 
 her being. It was, indeed, the bliss of mine. And when child 
 hood gave place to girlhood, still Uncle Tim was her chief 
 reliance her lessons were studied in my lap, and recited to me 
 first of all; and when she began first to write compositions, 
 it was Uncle Tim who must tell her what to write about, and 
 oftentimes she would come back, with her sheet of paper, a few 
 lines written, and there was a break down, and Uncle Tim 
 must tell her what next to say. Ah! those were happy years. 
 Her trials at school, and alb her little griefs, were poured into my 
 breast. Dear " Uncle Tim," she would say, all this is too fool 
 ish to tell mother, but I must tell you, and have my cry out, and 
 then I shall not feel so bad ; you never get weary of my being a 
 child. No ! God knows I could have wished it were possible 
 she never should be anything else. Such was my life with my 
 dear young mistress. No duty but what was light no request 
 but what was easy, if Grace was to be made happy. And when 
 at last that sad time to me came, when the dear child must be 
 sent away to her boarding-school, no letter was written home but 
 had a message for * Uncle Tim. And on that day of days, the 
 day of her return home, always one of joy to us all, I was sure 
 to be the one sought, next to her parents, and in despite of my 
 skin, to receive her kiss. Such has been the childhood and girl 
 hood of my dear young mistress. An angel, indeed, of gentleness, 
 goodness, and truth ! And on yesterday morning, when all was 
 ready for her return to this city, to her new-found home, and the 
 last day and the last hour had come when she was to*be no more 
 one of us, with a heart full of sorrow I had gone into my room, 
 there to sit down and cry where she should not see my tears, my 
 
TOM JONES TOAST. 449 
 
 dear Grace missed me. She could not go till she had seen me, 
 and her heart told her why I was not there. So she ran into the 
 house searched for me and found me. She once more sat as 
 she had done so often in years past upon my knee, she put her 
 arms around my neck, and tried to speak but tears came full 
 and fast, and we wept together and when the burst of grief 
 was over, she said to me Dear Tim, oh do not think of me as 
 no longer your Grace do not think I will ever give you up. My 
 home, dear Uncle Tim, is yours, now and ever, as much as it is 
 my own. Tell me, my friends, does not such a child of love 
 and goodness well deserve to be called an angel ? If angels 
 could appear, they must, in soul, if not in form, be like my own 
 dear Grace." The voice of " Uncle Tim" now grew tremulous 
 from emotion, and thanking them for their kindness in bearing 
 with him in saying so much, he sat down, and hid his face in his 
 hands. 
 
 " What are you doing there, Tom Jones ?" exclaimed Mr. 
 James. Tom was in the act of drinking another bumper nor 
 was he deterred from doing so ; and when he set down his glass, 
 he said to Mr. James, " I was, may it please your honor, pour 
 ing spirits down to keep myself from crying. Bless my soul ! it 
 is a wonder I had not joined Uncle Tim company before he was 
 half way through." 
 
 " I ll knock you down next, you villain," said Mr. James. 
 
 " The d 1 you will ! and for what?" said Tom. 
 
 " For the second regular toast in course. Ladies and gentle 
 men, the grand regular toast in course should be given by me, in 
 honor of our excellent host and hostess, now abed and asleep, but 
 that I shall give myself, so soon as Miss Maria comes down. (I 
 wonder what keeps her?" said Mr. James by parenthesis.) "I 
 bar and forbid any one drinking between the toasts, as out of 
 order. Don t you see," said Mr. James, addressing Tom Jones, 
 " if we drink between the toasts, we shan t hold out." 
 
 " Won t hold out !" said Tom. " Why there s wine enough 
 left to drown us all." 
 
 "Ladies and gentlemen, let s have order" (the young ladies 
 were quite gay at the lower end of the table) " order ! order ! 
 Now one word more. Here are twenty-two gentlemen and 
 twelve young ladies. We will have thirteen regular toasts in 
 course, and then the young ladies may be as irregular in their toasts 
 as they please. Thirteen bumpers to the regular toasts; every toast 
 to have an appropriate speech. Now if we don t observe order, 
 in this matter, some people who are sitting at the table will find 
 their way under it" looking at Tom " and then they will know 
 what it is to hold out and hold on. Now ladies and gentle- 
 29 
 
450 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 men, we are to have the second, no ! the second is my toast, the 
 third regular toast in course. Now, Tom Jones, go a-head !" 
 
 Tom rose and stood awhile with the gravity of a graven image ; 
 then bowing profoundly to all the company, who were all pre 
 pared, ready with their bumpers, ("Uncle Tim" excepted, whose 
 face was still hid in his hands) Tom turning to Mr. James, who 
 was drawn up in all the dignity of his high office, ready and 
 waiting for the toast. Tom bowed once more to Mr. James ; the 
 bow was returned. He then took up his glass carefully, so as not 
 to spill a drop, and in a fine full voice, gave forth his " regular 
 toast in course:" " The young gentlemen of the Coldstream 
 Guards" (here he looked very knowingly to a lady opposite 
 him, winking at her at the same time) " May they never find 
 themselves rowed up Salt river!" 
 
 The toast was reiterated, and drank away in spite of Mr. 
 James s loud cries of "order ! order !" When they had finished 
 their drinking, then came the fit of laughing, and Mr. James was 
 perfectly beside himself for an instant. He was gesticulating and 
 scolding away amid all the noises, and the first words which Mrs. 
 Smith could distinguish, were those addressed to Tom Jones 
 " You stupid jackass ! who, do you suppose, will respond to such 
 a toast as that?" 
 
 What might have happened, is hard to say, for Mrs. Smith now 
 pushed Maria out from behind the scene, and her appearance 
 changed the aspect of matters materially. The entire company 
 now called for the " second regular toast in course," and Tom s 
 toast was ruled out of order, and should go for nothing. Order 
 being once more restored, Mr. James ordered bumpers to be filled, 
 which was done with alacrity, and the attention of all became 
 fixed upon Mr. James, who rose, and making his bow, com 
 menced 
 
 " Ladies and Gentlemen : I take great pleasure in offering the 
 second regular toast in course expressive of my own, as I am 
 sure it will be of the universal sentiment of all present " Our 
 excellent host and hostess, Mr. and Mrs. Smith : Jl pair that 
 never can be matched. 
 
 " Stop ! stop !" shouted Maria, and the company for this time 
 were ruled at once to obedience. The gentlemen were ready 
 enough to drink the sentiment, but the young ladies laughed, and 
 put their handkerchiefs instead of their glasses to their mouths, 
 with a pretty, affected air, that showed them admirable copyists of 
 their superiors, and so the company were brought to a dead stand. 
 
 "Why, what s the matter with my toast?" asked Mr. James 
 with great astonishment of look and voice. 
 
 "Do you think I will allow my mistress to be toasted in any 
 
UNCLE TIM TOASTS MRS. SMITH. 451 
 
 such equivocal phrase as that?" said Maria, in a tone of com 
 mand. " No ! it sha n t be. Uncle Tim, you shall offer the se 
 cond toast I won t have that of Mr. James ; and let it be to my 
 mistress, for I mean to toast my master myself." 
 
 Poor Mr. James was in a mist. For the life of him he could 
 not see w r hy his sentiment was not just about right. But Maria 
 was resolute, and was, as all ladies maids should be, the unques 
 tioned representative of her mistress, and James had to submit. 
 
 " Uncle Tim" was now called up by the company for the toast, 
 and with a smile and bow, said " I did not expect to be called 
 upon again this night ; but I will try to perform the duty assigned 
 me. We have seen our kind mistress moving amid a circle of 
 our well-known friends the beautiful and the good of our city 
 and winning the admiration and praise of her many guests, not 
 so much by the beauty of her face, and the grace of her manners, as 
 by her kindness and goodness. It is a pleasure to serve those 
 whose money is the least of the reward they give us for our ser 
 vices. Such a lady is our kind hostess, under whose roof we are 
 assembled, and at whose table we now sit. I then would offer 
 you, as the best, though poor expression of my wishes for her 
 happiness, the following toast : 
 
 " MRS. JOHN SMITH: May God give her to enjoy the happi 
 ness she so well loves to confer. 
 
 The toast was drunk with enthusiasm, and Tom Jones insisted 
 on repeating it, three times three, and was proceeding to put his 
 proposal into instant execution, when Mrs. Smith appeared in the 
 dining-hall. 
 
 Smiling with an expression of her high satisfaction, and full of 
 fun and frolic in her manner, she addressed Mr. James and the 
 company, who all rose " My presence, James, is entirely acci 
 dental. I am happy to find you so well occupied and I have 
 been delighted with the speech of Uncle Tim, " (to whom she 
 bowed,) " and for the kind wish he has expressed, to which you 
 have all so heartily responded. Let me thank you for the assi 
 duity which each and all have exhibited in the duties you have 
 so well and happily discharged. Maria, you will please make 
 the inquiry of James which brought me down, and advise me in 
 the saloon I bid you all, my friends, good night!" 
 
 Mrs. Smith awaited Maria s return, and received satisfactory 
 replies, so, bidding Maria to return and be sure to tell her of the 
 toasts given, and all their proceedings in the morning, she bade 
 her good night, and sat out for her chamber. And as she paused 
 for an instant to witness the undying brilliancy of her lamps, she 
 heard Mr. James announcing " the third regular toast in course 
 by Mistress Maria Norris." Without waiting to hear what it 
 
452 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 might be, Mrs. Smith was hastening toward the door leading up 
 to her chamber, when she heard herself addressed 
 
 " My dear Mrs. Smith, please stay one moment." 
 
 Mrs. Smith, turning round with the utmost surprise, saw her 
 self alone in the saloon. 
 
 "Dear madam," said the voice quite near her, "I am the un 
 fortunate Peter Schlemihl. And I have waited till now hoping to 
 see you alone if but for one moment." 
 
 " Dear Mr. Schlemihl, is it you ? How happy I am to meet 
 you ! I am under the greatest of obligations to you ; and now 
 pray tell me, what was the conspiracy of which you warned me 
 this morning." 
 
 " I thank you, madam, for your confidence, and feel myself 
 repaid for all the risk I have run to shield you from the attempts 
 to mar your peace, by one who would gladly ruin you." 
 
 " Heavens !" exclaimed Mrs. Smith, " who have I wronged that 
 I should have aroused such enmity that I should be so hated?" 
 
 " No one, dear madam, but the Gentleman in Black." 
 
 " The Gentleman in Black ! and is there such a being ? And 
 was it not all a dream?" 
 
 "It was no dream" replied Peter; "and having been myself 
 the victim of his devices, I have a deep sympathy with those who 
 come under the influence of his unseen and fearful arts. It so 
 happened last year, as I was passing your house on the night of 
 your party, I saw the Gentleman in Black going in as by stealth. 
 I knew he had some new plot, and I felt desirous of seeing 
 who was to be the next victim. I followed him, and I met him 
 coming down in the disguise of your husband, and heard him call 
 for Patrick, and order him to heat up the rooms as much as pos 
 sible, to put in pine and every sort of combustible into the furnace, 
 for the rooms were not half heated. Then he became again in 
 visible, but not to me: for I have, in the strange transforma 
 tions which have passed over me, been endowed with the power 
 to see the Gentleman in Black, when unperceived by others. So 
 while you were at supper, I went and hid myself in the corner 
 where a vacancy exists behind that statue, (referring to a marble 
 statue then standing, as it did on the evening of the first party, on 
 a marble pedestal,) and I heard him whisper, (as he only can 
 whisper,) to Katrine Van Tromp to have the upper sashes of your 
 windows let down. The result seemed mightily to amuse him, 
 and I wondered at such an expenditure of art for so trifling an 
 end. As he remained, I too remained. I saw you fall asleep, 
 and the Gentleman in Black come in, having assumed the form 
 and figure in which he appeared to you. What was the course 
 of ideas he presented to your imagination, I of course could not 
 
PETER SCHLEMIHL AND MRS. SMITH. 453 
 
 tell. I knew he had the power of assuming 1 the garb and expres 
 sion of an angel of light, and to convey the impression best cal 
 culated to affect your mind. 
 
 " From broken words and sentences I heard you utter, I gathered 
 his designs. The scenes in the mirror were such as were ap 
 parent to me as to you. This magical mirror is an old trick of 
 his, and when he laid the spectacles upon the sofa, I determined, 
 if possible, to obtain them, and did so, as you doubtless recollect." 
 
 "And have you them, Peter? Do let me see them." 
 
 Mrs. Smith felt them placed in her hand, and as soon as she 
 took them, they became visible. There they were, the very spec 
 tacles of the Gentleman in Black. 
 
 "Oh! how sorry I am," said Mrs. Smith, " that I have put off 
 my dress. How glad I should be to see the present state of my 
 reputation robes. Do you know how to adjust these glasses?" 
 
 " I have not discovered all their powers, but I am able in many 
 cases to see through them the state of the reputation of those per 
 sons who come under my scrutiny. And I will let you see my 
 ability in your own case if you wish it. Your being in an undress 
 makes no difference whatever, and to me you are never half so 
 beautiful as you are at this moment." 
 
 "Oh, Peter! and can you use the language of compliment?" 
 
 Mrs. Smith hesitated. They went up to the mirror, the same 
 in which she had before seen herself, and then curiosity over 
 came all her scruples ; so, casting aside her cloak, and handing the 
 spectacles to Peter to adjust, she surveyed herself in the mirror. 
 It must be confessed Peter had good reason for a little delay 
 which occurred in adjusting the glasses, and that his entire soul 
 should be absorbed in his admiration of the beautiful lady who 
 stood before the glass. Having returned her the spectacles, Mrs. 
 Smith put them on, and to her surprise, her dress, as seen in the 
 mirror, was yet more beautiful than before. 
 
 " Why, Peter ! there s not a single spot or rent that I can 
 discover. How can this be ? I, who have been a whole year in 
 society!" 
 
 " It is because, madam, at this moment, you are regarded, as 
 you are, the purest, and kindest and truest of all true-hearted 
 women, whose every feeling has been to promote the happiness 
 of all around you; and this, therefore, is but the reflection of the 
 universal respect and confidence with which you are regarded by 
 all who know you." 
 
 If Mrs. Smith had been disposed to doubt her ears, she could 
 not refuse to credit her eyes. 
 
 Mrs. Smith resumed her cloak, and returned the spectacles to 
 Peter. 
 
454 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 " Now, dear Peter," said Mrs. Smith, in an affectionate tone 
 of voice, " tell me where you have been, and what you have been 
 doing since the time we first met." 
 
 " I have, madam, assumed the pleasing task of waiting on your 
 steps, and doing what I could to shield you from the arts of 
 the Gentleman in Black." 
 
 "Is it possible? how little I have guessed you were so near 
 me!" 
 
 " Finding you designed to go to the springs, I went up in the 
 same boat with Mr. Winterbottom, and Mrs. Tripp and Adela. 
 The day you rode out, and related your vision to Mr. De Lisle, I 
 acted as footman behind your carriage, and thus became acquainted 
 with your history. From thence we went to Niagara and Que 
 bec, and back to Babylon. At the springs, I saw with dread, 
 the Gentleman in Black make his appearance in the guise of that 
 dark-looking Mexican." 
 
 "And is he the Gentleman in Black?" 
 
 "Yes, madam, and he doubtless came to throw his shadow over 
 your path, and for other purposes, which have this evening been 
 perfected." 
 
 " Heavens !" exclaimed Mrs. Smith, " and are those men as 
 shadowy as himself?" 
 
 " Yes, indeed, madam, unless it be that Don Hernandez Men- 
 dez Pinto be a real man he may be one of his agents, of whom 
 he has a great many in this world." 
 
 " And what next, Peter ?" 
 
 " Well, madam, I felt assured the Gentleman in Black would 
 bear watching, and so soon as he reappeared, as he did with his 
 boys on the day of Mrs. Van Dam s party, I followed his foot 
 steps, and seeing them about a week since going into old Van 
 Tromps, I took the liberty of following them. I found Katrine 
 and these Dons in the parlor, with their heads close together, 
 in whispering confab, arranging the elopement of Katrine and 
 Don Hernandez, which was to come off this night." 
 
 " Katrine eloped! indeed, 1 am sorry she has been pleased to 
 connect herself so conspicuously with my party. It s the only 
 incident I have to remember with regret." 
 
 " I m sure, madam, she s a good match for the devil any day, 
 and for my part, I am glad she s gone." 
 
 " What, to the devil ! How can you say so ?" 
 
 " Dear madam," replied Peter, " I don t know that she is gone 
 off with Satan bodily, though I shouldn t be surprised if the ship 
 in which she sailed should prove one of his demon-ships, and 
 that those outside the Hook should see the ship sailing up into 
 the air and so disappear." 
 
KATRINE VAN TROMP s ELOPEMENT. 455 
 
 Mrs. Smith, amused at the idea, laughed as she said : " Dear 
 Peter, they won t want for ballast if they have Katrine on board." 
 
 Peter laughed with a heartiness which delighted Mrs. Smith to 
 hear 
 
 " Poor fellow !" thought Mrs. Smith, " he too can laugh." 
 
 Peter resumed his narrative " It was agreed that Katrine 
 should leave with the Dons, and be married by a Spanish priest, 
 and to go aboard a Spanish ship lying in the river ready to sail 
 as soon as they reached her, for Vera Cruz, on their way to 
 the magnificent Chateau tVEspagne? built by Don Hernandez 
 Mendez Pinto, at Sombrero, in the province of Zacatecas, leav 
 ing the Gentleman in Black and his sons to go their way to their 
 mines once more. Their plans were all arranged to be perfected 
 at your party. The Senior Jago then told Katrine with great 
 glee, that your party would prove more disastrous than the first; 
 that he had secured the services of the foreign servants who were 
 hired by the Restaurateur, for your party, and that they were all 
 drilled to order." 
 
 " And did you hear, Peter, what were his plans ? I asked you 
 of these before." 
 
 " He said to Katrine, everything was to go wrong the most 
 annoying mistakes were to be made, and the lamps were to be filled 
 with oil so as to burn till the supper, and then the oil which was 
 poured in being exhausted, the water resting upon the oil would 
 extinguish all the light ; and in the confusion of the scene, the 
 Dons arid Katrine were to leave; arid Katrine was delighted be 
 yond measure at the scheme." 
 
 " I am under ten thousand, thousand obligations to you, dear 
 Mr. Schlemihl, and I will live to remember and repay you for 
 all your kindness." Mrs. Smith stretched out her hand to Peter, 
 who took it in both of his, and pressing it affectionately, carried 
 it to his lips. 
 
 " Dear Mrs. Smith, it would, indeed, be a new and unexpected 
 source of happiness to me to be possessed of your friendship, 
 and to receive its kind manifestations, but I have come to take 
 what I have reason to believe will be a final leave." 
 
 " Oh no !" said Mrs. Smith, holding Peter s hand in both of 
 hers. " You must not leave me. I have need of you, and shall 
 be so happy to make you known to those who have already taken 
 a deep interest in your misfortunes especially will Grace and 
 Mr. De Lisle be delighted to know you. You must stay in Baby 
 lon, and make it your home." 
 
 " Home!" exclaimed Peter, "I have no home no shadow, no 
 visibility no seven-league boots and worst of all, no purse: 
 only these spectacles remain with me a doubtful gift to be pos- 
 
456 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 sessed of, for I now too often see what I would be glad not to 
 know, and am no longer cheated into bliss by taking as the reality, 
 the semblance of men and tjiings. No, dear Mrs. Smith, my home 
 and place of rest is the grave there only shall I be safe." 
 
 " And you never expect to regain what you have lost?" 
 
 " Never, madam ! never, in this life. In heaven, if I may hope 
 for such unspeakable mercy, I shall be restored to my treasures 
 of love and affection." 
 
 " But, dear Peter, stay a few days ! The Gentleman in Black 
 is gone to his mines, and I hope they may cave in upon him, 
 and confine him for a thousand years to come : and so you must 
 stay and see Grace Worth and her husband." 
 
 " I thank you, madam. Grace is, indeed, to me a beautiful 
 being, in whose present and future happiness, I shall ever take 
 the deepest interest. I fear I have seen her for the last time." 
 
 " Oh ! don t be so very sad," cried Mrs. Smith, in a gay tone. 
 "I won t be made sad to-night! and you shall stay, and we will 
 be so happy, and you shall once more be light-hearted ! Besides, 
 I have a particular request to make of you. I want you to see 
 how the Van Tromps bear their bereavement and to tell me the 
 scenes enacted there, and how Lucille and Eugenie Van Dam 
 bear their surprise and loss of their dons, and how all this affects 
 Mrs. Tripp.. Won t she be delighted?" 
 
 " Indeed, madam, I should like of all things to witness the tears 
 shed by Mrs. Tripp in the presence of the Van Tromps, and 
 listen to her condolences to be present at her call on the Van 
 Dams. I am sure she has * nursed her wrath and kept it warm, 
 and her tears will come down like hot-shot, and, probably, be 
 as explosive as so many paixhan balls." 
 
 " Dear Peter, won t you stay and witness all these amusing 
 scenes, and come and tell me?" 
 
 " Indeed, my dear madam, I can make no promises." 
 
 " Ah well, you shall write me, if you can t come and see me." 
 
 " Alas ! letter writing to me is, as you well know, most hazard 
 ous, and with every wish of my heart to gratify you, I dare make 
 no promises for the future to me, more than to most persons, 
 unknown. I have, dear Mrs. Smith, taken great pleasure in 
 being so often in your society. I leave you with regret, Many 
 hours of sadness have been made bright by my visits here but 
 now they must terminate. 
 
 " And now, dear Mrs. Smith," continued Peter, " I have to 
 address to you my last words, and I beg that, being the last, they 
 may be the best remembered. Happy as you now are, and I re 
 joice in every source of joy you possess, yet the time is coming 
 
PETER TAKES LEAVE OF MRS. SMITH. 457 
 
 must come, when you will need higher, and surer, and holier and 
 purer joys than any you now possess, or which the world can 
 give." 
 
 " I know it, Peter," said Mrs. Smith, with true feeling " I feel 
 it to be so, and I pray to be grateful to God for his mercies, and 
 I will live to love him." 
 
 Peter kissed her hand once more. 
 
 " Dear Peter," said Mrs. Smith, striving to withdraw the hand 
 which Peter gently retained, " I must leave you. I m afraid 
 my husband will miss me, and think I am down here dreaming 
 once more of the Gentleman in Black so good night ! God bless 
 you!" 
 
 " Dear madam," still holding the hand of Mrs. Smith between 
 his, " I have only a word more to say." As he uttered these 
 words, he ceased Mrs. Smith felt her hands convulsively grasped 
 in Peter s. " Hush !" he whispered, "I hear the step of the 
 Gentleman in Black on the stairs. God bless you !" and Peter 
 fled across the saloon. 
 
 For an instant, Mrs. Smith stood amazed, and then took her 
 flight up the stairs, and rushing into her chamber, she slammed 
 to the door, and turned the key. Mr. Smith, waked by the con 
 cussion of the door, had just time to raise himself from the 
 pillow and see his wife casting off her cloak and slippers, when, 
 at a single bound, she was by his side. 
 
 As was perfectly natural for any husband waked up at such an 
 hour, so suddenly, out of a sound sleep, the first question of Mr. 
 Smith was, " What is the matter?" 
 
 44 Nothing ! nothing, husband," said Mrs. Smith ; " are you 
 awake?" 
 
 44 Certainly I am ! Why, how your heart beats! What has 
 frightened you ? Where have you been ?" were the exclamations 
 and questions which Mr. Smith asked all in a breath. 
 
 " Oh ! I have been down stairs with Maria, to listen to the 
 dinner speeches of the servants ; and how I did wish you were 
 with me behind a screen which concealed me and Maria ! It was 
 really worth hearing and seeing." 
 
 44 1 certainly will scold Maria for inveigling you down stairs ; 
 at such an hour, too, after so much fatigue. But why does your 
 heart beat so ?" 
 
 44 1 came running up stairs rapidly," said Mrs. Smith, who 
 now raised herself up, and looked round the room as if search 
 ing for some undistinguishable object. Her husband remarked 
 the scrutiny with anxiety. 
 
 44 Are you really awake, husband ?" said Mrs. Smith. 
 
 "Awake!" cried Mr. Smith, now really alarmed lest another 
 
458 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 dreadful attack was impending. " Yes, my love, why do you ask 
 me ?" 
 
 " Only I was wishing to be sure that I have not been all this 
 while dreaming I was by your side, and was not. But I know I 
 am here, dearest, and I am safe. Good night, dear husband," and 
 with her accustomed "good-night kiss," she soon fell asleep, the 
 happiest wife in the great City of Babylon the Less. 
 
 Mr. Smith, in anxious suspense at the strangeness of the speech 
 of his dear wife, and the beating of her heart, remained waking, 
 gazing with anxiety of mind into her face, which, like Eve s, 
 " whether waking or sleeping, shot forth peculiar graces." The 
 heaving of her breast showed the child-like serenity of her re 
 pose her pulse, now no longer unfelt, was slow and soft, and 
 dismissing his anxieties, he sunk again to sleep in the sweet con 
 sciousness of possessing the richest of all the treasures of earth ; 
 a beautiful and loving wife. 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 It will be seen, by the following article, that the solution of the enigma by 
 Mrs. Berkley, is one of great value to the learned world. 
 
 APPENDIX A. TO CHAPTER IX. 
 
 The following jeu-d esprit is from the New York Gazette and Times, of Friday 
 Evening, November 27, 1846. 
 
 IMPORTANT CORRESPONDENCE. 
 
 At a meeting of the vestry of Trinity Church, some time since, certain 
 inquiries were made by curious members as to the precise nature of the 
 Bronze Lectern which has excited so much comment. The rector considered 
 it as a cumulative proof of the fact that they were "improving" in Catholic 
 principles, and entered somewhat at large upon the consideration of the addi 
 tional zest afforded to the devotions of certain orthodox parishioners by the 
 presence of the Bronze Eagle the fish in the window, and the other symbols 
 so profusely scattered around. 
 
 As, however, his explanations were not satisfactory to some of the vestry, 
 a committee was appointed to confer on the subject with such persons as 
 might appear, by their pursuits in life, to be best fitted to explain the nature 
 and object of the Lectern in question, to the satisfaction of the Vestry and the 
 public at large. The committee, moreover, were authorizedj to ask the opin 
 ions of such gentlemen as by their position might be most likely to lead 
 public opinion. 
 
 At a recent meeting, the following report was made : 
 
 To the Rector, Churchwardens and Vestrymen of Trinity Church, in the 
 city of New York, the undersigned, appointed a committee to inquire into the 
 nature and object of the Bronze Lectern, respectfully report 
 
 That they have, in pursuance of the duty imposed on them, made such 
 inquiry of the gentlemen, whose answers given below speak for them 
 selves : 
 
 [From the Bishop of Illinois.] 
 
 Dear Gentlemen I have received your letter, asking me about the Bronze 
 Eagle in Old Trinity. I know nothing about Bronze Eagles they won t pass 
 here but should Old Trinity send me some of her Golden Eagles what a 
 Jubilee would we have. Oh don t forget that sweet smelling Western rose in 
 the desert. Jubilee College. 
 
 Yours, very truly, 
 
 P. S. Don t forget Jubilee. 
 
 [From the Bishop of Michigan.] 
 
 Gentlemen I left my "opinions" on the subject you refer to, behind me 
 when I left New York. 
 
 Yours, &c. &c. 
 
460 APPENDIX. 
 
 [From the Bishop of New Jersey.] 
 
 Dear Brethren I have just received such a delightful package of pam 
 phlets from my attentive friends in England that I can hardly tear myself away 
 to answer your letter. A Bronze Eagle has always been used in the worship 
 of the Catholic Church and I arn very glad that the church in America has 
 the sanction of Trinity for its introduction. 
 
 Yours, &c. 
 
 [From the Bishop of Vermont.] 
 
 Dear Brethren If you introduce the Lectern as a mere matter of taste, I 
 have no objection to it, but in any other point of view, I must add it to the 
 " Novelties which disturb our peace." 
 
 Yours, 
 
 [From the Rev. J. H. H .] 
 
 Gentlemen As I can see no connection between the Bronze Eagle and 
 my father s principles " Evangelical truth Apostolic order" I regret that I 
 cannot solve your difficulties. 
 
 Your obedient servant, 
 
 [From the Rev. M P .] 
 
 Dear Friends The Bronze Eagle is a Bronze Eagle, and its object is to 
 hold the Epistle and Gospel. I believe public opinion is against me, therefore 
 I know I am right, but if public opinion agrees with me, then I am afraid it 
 is not an Eagle but a Raven. 
 
 Yours faithfully, 
 
 [From Wm. H. S , Esq.] 
 
 Gentlemen I know the glorious bird | it is the emblem of the glorious prin 
 ciples of our common country. 
 
 Yours respectfully, 
 
 [From the Rev. Dr. McV .] 
 
 "A proper taste we all derive from Heaven ;" but, gentlemen, my taste and 
 my church principles are at such variance on this matter, that I cannot an 
 swer you with the precision I would wish. I see, however, no constitutional 
 question involved in the matter. 
 
 [From Prof. A .] 
 
 Gentlemen The Roman legions used an Eagle as a standard as the 
 merest schoolboy could have told you so did the Roman Church the latter 
 piece of information you might have got from your own clergyman. As a 
 matter of curious information to you, allow me to state that in the Lutheran 
 Branch we have none of these things. 
 
 Very truly yours, 
 
 [From the Rev. Dr. P .] 
 
 Gentlemen" Where the carcase is, there the Eagles will be gathered to 
 gether." Yours, 
 
APPENDIX. 461 
 
 [From Prof. R .] 
 
 Gentlemen When we expose the ores of iron to an intense heat fusion 
 takes place; into the fluid mass, we throw different chemical substances and. 
 Bronze is the result. This bronze may be run into mould. Such I consider 
 to have been the case with reference to your Bronze Eagle. I cannot say 
 much for its accuracy as a copy of nature. Indeed, nature is seldom copied 
 with so much success, as we see her in the Bowling Green Fountain. 
 I am 
 
 [From Professor A .] 
 
 Gentlemen It is a Lammergeir ; I have shot them on the Alps, when 
 engaged on my Glacial investigations. 
 
 [From Mr. A .] 
 
 Gentlemen Do you call that thing an Eagle ? 
 
 [From Hon. Secretary of the Treasury.] 
 
 Gentlemen I understand that there are others of the genus in Mexico. 
 Will Trinity do some Treasury notes ? 
 
 Your committee, in addition to the foregoing letters, have received a num 
 ber throwing a very little light on the subject an example of this may be 
 found in a letter from the Rev. Mr. Shimeall the precise meaning of which 
 this committee confess themselves unable to discover he, making allusions to 
 " beasts with ten heads and as many horns" and entering into divers arith 
 metical calculations based on the " seventy weeks," which are altogether too 
 abstruse for your committee. From Dr. A. they have not received any 
 answer as yet as no very friendly one can be expected from that quarter 
 they deem it unnecessary to delay any longer to report. 
 
 In conclusion, your committee would state that of all the answers received, 
 that of the Rev. Mr. P. is the most satisfactory and although it may be 
 considered somewhat beyond their province, they herewith ask leave to nomi 
 nate him to the vacant Asst. Ministership, under the full conviction, that when, 
 his " candlestick," to use the words of the inspired Psalmist, "is set on a hill, 1 
 the Diocese cannot fail eventually to become illuminated by its beams and 
 Trinity Church, the fountain of Bishops, shall behold another of her faithful 
 clergy rewarded according to his deserts. All which is respectfully submitted. 
 
 APPENDIX B. TO CHAPTER IX. 
 
 ARTICLE I. 
 
 For the Daily Advertiser and Patriot, Oct. 15th, 1838. 
 
 Having in a former communication remarked upon the discourse delivered 
 by the Rev. Mr. Emerson before the Divinity School at Cambridge, rny atten 
 tion has been directed to an editorial article concerning it in the Christian 
 Register for the 29th of September. This article is in answer to a corre 
 spondent, who says : 
 
 " I think, together with, I believe, the great majority of the community, that 
 the sentiments advanced at various times by Mr. Emerson, and especially 
 
462 APPENDIX. 
 
 the opinions and notions expressed in his address at the Divinity School, are 
 at war with the distinctive features of Christianity, derogatory to the character 
 and offices of the Saviour and Mediator, and tinctured with infidelity, if not 
 with pantheism or atheism/ 
 
 We coincide generally with the views here taken of Mr. Emerson s dis 
 course. We should speak of it, however, not as tinctured with infidelity, but 
 as a direct expression of infidelity, perhaps as intelligible as the peculiar style 
 of the writer admitted. No one, after reading it with a perception of its 
 meaning, can suppose its author to believe that Christianity is a miraculous 
 dispensation from God. A strong impression will likewise be left upon the 
 mind of such a reader, that the author was a disbeliever in the personality of 
 any Supreme Power, or, in other words, an atheist. The -words, infidel and 
 atheist, are plain words, with plain, established and very important meanings. 
 We use them merely to express those meanings; as the most direct and ef 
 fective mode of stating simple, and what we conceive to be undeniable facts. 
 As for any discreditable associations connected with the terms, or any demerit 
 in preaching infidelity arid irreligion before the Divinity School at Cambridge, 
 we should be glad, if it were possible, to put Mr. Emerson, personally, out of 
 view. To our feelings he is nothing more than any anonymous individual. 
 
 With the opinion that has been quoted of Mr. Emerson s discourse, the cor 
 respondent of the Christian Register, who says that that paper " is rightly 
 regarded as the organ of the Unitarian body," expresses an earnest desire to 
 be informed by its editor, whether Mr. Emerson is " esteemed by him as a fair 
 representative of Unitarians in New England." To this inquiry the editor 
 replies at length, that he is not to be so considered. At first view, this seems 
 well. But the denial is of little importance. It may be made equally of any 
 individual. There is at present in New England no Unitarian body held together 
 by any community of belief or purpose. The name has been so extended as to com 
 prehend individuals whose opinions respecting what is essential in religion are directly 
 opposite to the opinions of those by whom it was formerly held; and has, therefore, 
 lost all meaning, except its primitive, and now very unimportant meaning, ac 
 cording to which it denoted a disbeliever of the doctrine of the Trinity. 
 Whether for good or evil, the Unitarian party is, we conceive, broken up ; and the 
 name Unitarian, in any other than its original sense, has become a name of sus 
 picion and, if the present state of things continue, will become justly a name of 
 reproach. 
 
 But in denying that Mr. Emerson is a representative of the Unitarian body, 
 the editor of the Christian Register is " not yet prepared to join with those 
 who condemn him, or to believe that he is either an infidel, a pantheist, or 
 an atheist." We shall enter into no controversy about the applicability of the 
 last two names ; for we mean to appeal only to indisputable facts; but we 
 perceive, that in an able, though objectionable article in the Boston Review, 
 another Unitarian publication, as we suppose it may be called, the writer, who, 
 in controverting his doctrines, discovers no unfriendly feelings towards Mr. 
 Emerson, argues upon the assumption that he "admits no God but the laws 
 of the will s perfection," and worships only the human soul. 
 
 We shall confine our remarks to his want of Christian faith. A Christian 
 believes, that Jesus Christ, his divine mission being attested by miraculous 
 displays of God s power, taught us, in the name and upon the authority of 
 God s truths which infinitely concern us. Mr. Emerson, on the contrary, says, 
 "I cannot receive instructions from another soul. What he announces I must 
 find true in me, or wholly reject; and on his word, or as his second, be he 
 who he may, I can except nothing." "The very word miracle, as pronounced 
 by Christian churches, gives a false impression; it is a monster. It is not one 
 
APPENDIX. 463 
 
 with the blowing clover and the falling rain." That is, a miracle is something 
 different from the growth of clover and the falling of rain, and the supposition 
 of its possibility is, therefore, monstrous. Mr. Emerson talks much of His 
 torical Christianity. One may often be unable to speak with confidence as to 
 his meaning; but it is evident, we think, that he can intend nothing by this 
 term, but Christianity, considered as founded upon historical facts. Of this he 
 says, "It is not the doctrine of the soul, but an exaggeration of the positive, the 
 personal, the ritual." "By this eastern monarchy of a Christianity, which 
 indolence and fear have built, the friend of man (Jesus) is made the injurer 
 of man." It compels "you to subordinate your nature to Christ s nature." 
 Christianity establishes the truth of the existence and perfections of God, as a 
 being infinitely above us, and ennobles our nature by making known to us our 
 relations to him. But the writer of the discourse says : " That which shows 
 God in me fortifies me. That which shows God out of me makes me a wart 
 and a wen." 
 
 There is much more to the same purpose. But there can be no doubt about 
 the opinions which Mr. Emerson has expressed. In denying that he is an 
 infidel, and consequently maintaining that he is a Christian, it seems to us 
 that the editor of the Register is only using words in a new, arbitrary, false 
 sense. Such abuse of language is growing common; but, as far as opinions 
 are concerned, we know of no infidel who is not entitled to the name of 
 Christian, if it be due to Mr. Emerson. 
 
 But the editor of the Register also characterizes that gentleman "as a serious 
 and earnest teacher of severe and lofty morality, as an eloquent and ingenious 
 writer of sermons, as a conspicuous exemplar and preacher of simple and 
 unaffected piety" and as " a highly gifted, accomplished and holy man at heart, 
 and in life a Christian." He states as one branch of an alternative, of which 
 he clearly does not admit the other, that " truth and purity of heart may con 
 sent to him in his thinking and his uttering concerning Christ and his religion ;" 
 and of the disapprobation which has been expressed of his conduct and opin 
 ions, he speaks as of " the clamor of the world," and " the popular roar." 
 
 Such being his estimate of Mr. Emerson s excellencies as a religious teacher, 
 it would seem that in the view of the editor, if he be not a representative of 
 the Unitarian body, he is something better. He must wish all whom he con 
 siders as Unitarian preachers to be like him, equally distinguished as preachers 
 of simple and unaffected piety, equally holy, and equally Christian in heart and 
 life. Certainly, with these views of his character, no one could deem it a 
 matter of regret, if all professedly Christian" ministers resembled him in his 
 essential characteristics as a religious teacher. This would be a state of things 
 altogether new and extraordinary. But ominous and disheartening as are the 
 signs of the times, there seems, at present, no reason to apprehend its occur 
 rence. 
 
 It is not to be supposed that the laity can be so deluded that, under the 
 notion of supporting a Christian ministry, they will provide for the mainte 
 nance of preachers of infidelity. Men of honorable feelings will regard it as a 
 gross deception, or as a strange hallucination, for any one to pretend to be a minister 
 of Christ, while he disbelieves that Christianity is a miraculous dispensation, or 
 that Christ was in any special sense a messenger of God, and contends that 
 there can be no revelation of religimis truth, except what proceeds from our own 
 spiritual nature. Great excuses may be made for the errors and self-delusion 
 of individuals ; but in itself considered, there can be no combination of ideas 
 more incongruous and offensive, than the conception of an infidel preacher of 
 Christ, tampering with atheism, and indulging in mystical, irreligious speculations. 
 When the subject is well understood, it can hardly be doubted that there 
 
464 APPENDIX. 
 
 will be an expression of public sentiment respecting individuals of such a 
 character, which it will require some boldness to call the clamor of the world 
 and a popular roar. 
 
 It is an undoubted fact, that various causes have tended to diminish the bene 
 ficial -influence which the clergy might exert upon the community. Some of 
 these causes have been within, and others without their control. The connec 
 tion of a clergyman with his people, the bonds of affection and respect and 
 of common sympathy in the holiest feelings, which formerly held them together, 
 have been gradually weakening. In this state of things, nothing can tend more 
 to destroy the remaining hold of the clergy upon the interests of the commu 
 nity, than the belief that they generally entertain those opinions ivhich have been 
 expressed by, or are attributed to, some of their number. For ourselves we have 
 no doubt that the belief would be unjust as regards a very large majority of the 
 Unitarian clergy, so called; whom we thus specify, because they are particu 
 larly exposed to the suspicion. But whatever may be our individual convic 
 tion, there is evidently much danger that the suspicion will spread through the 
 community. 
 
 In considering the present appearances in the religious world, there is one 
 point of view to which our attention should be particularly directed. There 
 is one aspect under which alone these appearances assume any particular im 
 portance; one fact only that may well excite a strong feeling in the commu 
 nity. It is the teaching of Infidelity by clergymen. No one acquainted with society 
 can be ignorant that there are men of correct feelings and principles, ivho receive the 
 morality and would fain receive the hopes of the Gospel, without believing that 
 Jesus Christ was authorized by God to reveal his will. No one doubts that there 
 is much unbelief of a grosser kind. But in the present state of religious 
 knowledge, these things must be, and excite no special wonder. We have 
 had infidelity and atheism publicly taught among us; and, though not without 
 occasional equivocation, yet, on the whole, in their coarsest and plainest forms. 
 But there was little reason to call public attention to the subject. Those who 
 received the poison knew what they were doing. It was not disguised as a 
 cordial, and held to unthinking lips as the draught of life. It was administered, 
 hot from the still, under its proper name. But the case is altered; and a state of 
 things exists in which almost every individual, interested in the preservation of any 
 thing but the name of Christianity, may feel it his duty to think and speak and act. 
 
 ANDREW NORTON. 
 
 ARTICLE II. 
 
 For the Daily Advertiser and Patriot, Oct. 18, 1838. 
 
 1 find that, by reason of an article in relation to R. W. Emerson, in the 
 Christian Register, of September 29th, I have incurred the censure and rebuke 
 of a correspondent of the Advertiser, who, under the signature of A. N., has 
 occasionally called the attention of the public to theological matters. 
 
 This is a distinction which I did not anticipate ; perhaps I ought to say a 
 predicament from which I could have prayed to be delivered. But, since it 
 has been forced upon me, I must endeavor to meet it as well as I may be 
 able, and be allowed to relieve myself as far as may be done by a few plain 
 words. 
 
 My offence, as it is set forth in the objurgations of A. N., is that I allowed 
 Mr. Emerson more merit than he is willing to allow him ; and that I was not 
 prepared to denominate him, bluntly, an infidel, (not to say a Pantheist or an 
 Atheist.) 
 
APPENDIX. 465 
 
 For this crime, A. N. has held me up to the community as an apologist of 
 infidelity, and of "mystical irreligious speculations." Nay, I am not sure that 
 an unprejudiced reader would not understand him as classing me amongst 
 the number of those preachers whom " it is not to be supposed that the laity, 
 under the notion of supporting a Christian ministry, can be so deluded as to 
 maintain." At any rate, whether he does or does not aim at me such a cruel 
 insinuation, the imputation that he has directly cast upon me, is quite suffi 
 cient, if sustained, to do me serious wrong. Situated as I am, it wounds me 
 in the most tender part. For, however it may appear to the retired theolo 
 gian, it cannot be esteemed otherwise than as a vital injury to a young man, 
 connected like myself with a large and affectionate congregation whose only 
 hope of usefulness and happiness depends upon the security of his hold upon 
 the respect and confidence of his parishioners whose good repute for piety 
 and soundness in the faith of the Gospel, is his life, his all to whom a whis 
 per against his fidelity is worse than a stab in the heart to have his name 
 coupled, intimately, in a daily newspaper with infidels and atheists of a 
 grosser or more delicate stamp ; and to have the suspicions of the community 
 directed against him by a learned doctor, as if he were an unsafe teacher, 
 even a disciple and eulogist of men who abuse and reject the Son of God. 
 The imputation, therefore, which is contained in the article in the Advertiser 
 of October 15, I feel compelled, for the sake of my friends and parish, as well 
 as of myself, to use all honorable means to remove. 
 
 And, to this end, I must avow my conviction that A. N. has dealt unfairly 
 and unjustly with the article in the Register, for which he has censured me. 
 He has selected only the expressions which were used in favor of Mr. Emer 
 son, and has not so much as deigned once to hint, in charity or justice to the 
 writer, that there were any qualifying and balancing terms. In speaking of 
 Mr. E., it "was my object to do him ample justice; to commend his virtues 
 and not cover his defects. Perhaps, if I were a more experienced critic, I 
 should have set forth his errors, and named him accordingly, and left my 
 readers to wonder whether he had any merits worth the mention. I felt that 
 my task was a delicate, though a necessary one, and I endeavored to perform 
 it as I would have had another do it if I were the subject of review. I did 
 call Mr. Emerson a good, accomplished, and holy man, and acknowledged 
 him to be a Christian in spirit and in life ; but, at the same time avowed my 
 conviction that his opinions were false, and his speculations wrong. I applied 
 to him the epithets Innovator and Theorizer. I stated that many of his specu 
 lations, theories, and doctrines, had always been offensive to those who ad 
 mired him as a man. I said that he was not a fit person to counsel those 
 who were about going forth to build up, or confirm the churches, and support 
 all the ordinances of the Gospel. I also used the following words: "We 
 cannot agree with some of his sentiments; we cannot approve of some of 
 his speculations; we cannot always discern the exact sense of his language; 
 we cannot always be certain that he has himself analyzed and systematized 
 his opinions: we cannot commend his Cambridge Address." If it were of 
 consequence to A. N. to notice my sentiments at all, it certainly cannot be a 
 matter of indifference to me, whether he have noticed them partially or fairly. 
 If it were of importance to him and to the public, that I should be censured 
 for commending Mr. Emerson, it surely cannot be supposed^ to be a thing of 
 naught to myself that I was not commended for censuring him. 
 
 But A. N. has not only given a one-sided view of the article in question, 
 
 he has ventured also to prejudge and warp its sense. He asserts that I state 
 
 an alternative, of which I " dearly do not admit but one of the branches" He 
 
 does me injustice. I proposed the alternative for Mr. Emerson, with the most 
 
 30 
 
466 APPENDIX. 
 
 solemn emotion. As I fear God s judgments more than man s, so was I sin 
 cere and in earnest in reminding my readers of " Him ivhose voice breaketh the 
 Cedars." I thought, and have often said, that the situation of a man, who, 
 like Mr. Emerson, boldly interferes with the religious sentiments of the com 
 munity, is one of extreme peril, of awful responsibility; and, knowing how 
 little he regarded what he would term " the popular roar" I deemed it my 
 duty, with gentleness, to remind him once more to examine himself, and to be 
 assured that " truth and purity of heart did consent to him in his thinking 
 and uttering concerning Christ and his religion." 
 
 But, however A. N. may have construed and regarded my remarks, it is a 
 matter of unqualified gratification to me that they received the cordial approba 
 tion of many of the oldest and wisest of my professional brethren, and of not 
 a few of the least "deluded" of the laity from whom I derive my support. 
 
 It is cause of deep regret that I have been subjected to the necessity of thus 
 appearing before the public to defend myself against the partial censure of a 
 man whom I have been wont to respect. He has ranked me with a class of 
 men to which I do not belong. I have never carried any "new philosophy," 
 as it is technically termed, nor any loose speculations into the pulpit. I am 
 no follower nor apologist of Mr. Emerson. I will not yield to any man in 
 abhorrence of his language in regard to the mediatorial office of Jesus. I 
 repeat, however, that I do not believe him to be anti-Christian at heart, as he 
 certainly is pure, beyond aspersion, in life: though that he is laboring under 
 a lamentable delusion, and is, speculatively, grievously in error, I have always 
 felt convinced and openly declared. 
 
 With the remarks of A. N. that do not implicate myself, I have nothing to 
 do. Whether they are well-timed, and wise or not, it does not matter what 
 an individual like myself, may think or say. An enlightened and discrimi 
 nating community will doubtless estimate them aright. And to such a com 
 munity I do most cheerfully appeal for that fair, charitable, and just appre 
 ciation of my sentiments in regard to Mr. Emerson, which it has not pleased 
 A. N. to allow to me. CHANDLER ROBBINS. 
 
 O. A. BKOWSTSON ON TRANSCENDENTALISM. 
 
 Brownson was once a Transcendentalist of the cloudiest cast. He is now 
 a Romanist, and thus takes off his old associates and friends. 
 
 "But after all, what is the real sum and substance of Transcendentalism, 
 this latest and noblest birth of Time, as its friends regard it, and from which 
 we are promised the universal Palingenesia of man and nature, what is it, 
 when reduced to its simple, positive teachings? We have been led through 
 tomes of metaphysical lore ; we have been allured by brilliant promises of a 
 recovered Eden; we have been flattered by glowing descriptions of our god 
 like powers, affinities, and tendencies; we have been transported by the as 
 surance that we may dispense with priests, prophets, intercessors, and media 
 tors, and of ourselves approach the Infinite One, face to face, and drink our 
 supply at the primal Fountain of Truth itself; but now, having lingered till 
 the ascending sun has exhaled the dewdrops and exhausted the gems of pre 
 cious stones which sparkled in rich profusion at our feet, what is the real 
 and positive value of what has so long detained and charmed us? Things 
 .are what they are ; man is what he is, and by a right use of his faculties, may 
 be, do, and know all he can be, do, and know. So far as we are wise, good, 
 and loving, so far as we have and know wisdom, goodness, love ; we have 
 and know God, in so far as he is wisdom, goodness, love. He who knows 
 
APPENDIX. 467 
 
 more of these knows more than he who knows less. If the possession of 
 wisdom, goodness, love, be inspiration, then he who has the most wisdom, 
 goodness, love, is the most inspired, and to be more inspired, he must get 
 more wisdom, goodness, love. To be more inspired, he must be more inspired. 
 If white be white, then white is white ; if black be black, then what is black 
 is black ; if two be two, then two are two. Or, in two grand formulas from 
 Mr. Parker, Goodness is goodness, and Be good and do good, and you 
 will be good and do good ! If this is not the whole of Transcendentalism, 
 when divested of its denials, its blasphemy, and its impiety, and reduced to 
 its simple dogmatical teaching, then we have given days, weeks, months, 
 and years, to its study to no purpose. Stated in plain and simple terms, it is 
 the veriest commonplace imaginable. It is merely much ado about no 
 thing, or a tempest in a teapot. Dressed up in the glittering robes of a 
 tawdry rhetoric, or wrapped in the mystic folds of an unusual and unintelli 
 gible dialect, it may impose on the simple and credulous ; but to attempt to 
 satisfy one s spiritual wants with it is as vain as to attempt to fill one s self 
 with the east wind, or to warm one s freezing hands on a cold winter s night 
 by holding them up to the moon. Yet its teachers are the great lights of this 
 age of light, before whom all the great lights of past times pale as the stars 
 before the sun. Men and women, though some mistake not in a lunatic 
 hospital, run after them with eagerness, hang with delight on their words, 
 and smack their lips as if feeding on honey. Protestant populations on whom 
 the sun of the Reformation shines in its effulgence, are moved, run towards 
 their teachers, are about to hail it as the Tenth Avatar, come to redeem the 
 world. Wonderful teachers! Wonderful populations! Wonderful age ! 
 
 "In conclusion; while surveying the mass of absurdities and impiety 
 heaped together under the name of Transcendentalism, and which attract so 
 many, and even some of our own friends whose kindness of heart, whose 
 simple manners, and whose soundness of judgment on all other subjects com 
 mand our love and esteem, we have been forcibly struck with the utter im 
 potence of human reason to devise a scheme which reason herself shall not 
 laugh to scorn. As often as a man has attempted of himself alone to build a 
 tower which should reach to heaven, or to connect by his own skill and labor 
 the earthly with the celestial, and make a free and easy passage from one to 
 the other, the Lord has derided his impotent efforts, confounded his language, 
 and made confusion more confused. Uniform failure should teach us the 
 folly of the attempt, and lead us to ask, if that be not the highest reason to 
 bow to the divine reason, and the most perfect freedom to have no will but 
 the will of God. Israel ! thou destroyest thyself; ia me is thy help. " 
 
 APPENDIX C. TO CHAPTER IX. 
 
 NO. I. 
 
 Editorial Article of the New York Observer for Saturday, Nov. 10, 1838. 
 
 PERSONAL EXISTENCE OF GOD. 
 
 The prevalence of Transcendental philosophy in and around Boston, is 
 producing strange effects on Unitarianism. With such a basis, it can no longer 
 be what it formerly was. The new forms which it is taking are various. 
 Some of the Transcendentalists show a considerable amount of religious feel 
 ing, and appear to be almost orthodox; while others embrace various new 
 modifications of error. Of late, quite a sensation has been produced among 
 
468 APPENDIX. 
 
 them by a discourse of Mr. Emerson, in which he is understood to deny the 
 personal existence of God. 
 
 Mr. Emerson was formerly pastor of a Unitarian church in Boston, where, 
 he became conspicuous by advocating the disuse of the Lord s Supper, which 
 he considered an antiquated ordinance, needed only in the first ages of Chris 
 tianity. For several years past, he has been engaged in various literary pur 
 suits. Notwithstanding something of mysticism in his style of thought, he is 
 an exceedingly elegant writer. He was selected by the last graduating class 
 of the Theological Department of Harvard College, to deliver an address 
 before them. That address, which has been published, is said to contain the 
 startling doctrine to which we have alluded. We have not seen the address, 
 but we gather from the notices of it that we have seen, and from our own 
 knowledge of his train of thought for some years past, that he considers God 
 to be merely those principles, or eternal, immutable truths, which govern the 
 universe; the laws, for example, of gravitation, electricity, and the like, in the 
 world of matter, and the laws which connect happiness with virtue and pain 
 with crime, in the moral world. The idea of a LIVING GOD, a being con 
 scious of his own existence, who enforces these laws and produces the effects 
 that take place according to them, he would consider as a fiction of the human 
 mind for its own convenience, useful in its day as a means of enabling men to 
 conceive clearly of existence of those laws, and to depend on the certainty of 
 their execution; but which maybe laid aside by the cultivated intellect in 
 this age of light. The Bible and Christianity, we presume, he does not pro 
 fess to reject ; but considers them as containing the true system of the universe, 
 exhibited in the best form of which the human mind, in those dark ages, was 
 capable. 
 
 The appearance of this doctrine among them has caused not a little alarm 
 and anxiety in the Unitarian ranks. Is Unitarianism coming to this? Does 
 it lead to this? Shall it have the reputation of leading men to this? Are all 
 our Transcendental brethren, whose numbers and talents, especially among the 
 younger, are far from contemptible, are they coming to this? And if so, 
 what will become of Unitarianism itself? If Atheism, for such they con 
 sider it is to be advocated by our pastors, what will become of the flocks ? 
 These are very serious questions ; and the apprehensions which they imply 
 have caused some discussion. A sermon has been published in reply to Mr. 
 Emerson s address, and several articles have appeared in the papers. 
 
 In one respect, this is the most plausible, and therefore the most dangerous 
 form of infidelity, that we have yet seen. At first view, it appears to leave 
 the whole code of morals unimpaired. The laws of morality, inward and 
 outward, instead of being nullified or changed by it, are deified. And their 
 sanctions have quite an imposing appearance. God, that is, the unchangeable 
 laws of the universe, is omnipotent and omnipresent, and will certainly 
 make the virtuous happy and the vicious miserable. But for this good ap 
 pearance, we are sure that a gentleman of Mr. Emerson s taste, feelings and 
 moral habits could not have adopted it. We have thought it might be use 
 ful, therefore, to examine its claims in respect to this very point; especially 
 as we believe that the opposite doctrine, the personal existence of the LIVING 
 GOD, is not realized as it needs to be, by vast multitudes, and even by many 
 really pious persons. 
 
 Are then the moral laws which govern us, unaffected by Mr. Emerson s 
 doctrine ? Far from it. Our whole duty to God is changed, if not annihilated. 
 If he is not the LIVING GOD ; if he does not know what he is doing and intend 
 our welfare when he does us good, he certainly has no claim upon our grati 
 tude. No man feels thankful to the principles of arithmetic, for the answers 
 
APPENDIX. 469 
 
 which he procures by means of them. They do not intend his benefit, and 
 therefore have no claim upon his gratitude. Nor can we feel thankful to 
 the laws of planetary motion, for the regular succession of " seed time and 
 harvest, summer and winter, day and night/ Why should we? The laws 
 of planetary motion do not foresee our wants, feel compassion or kindness 
 for us, and turn the world about as our necessities require, with the intention 
 of doing us good. 
 
 It is no answer to say, that the God to whom we should be thankful is not 
 one particular law, but the sum-total of the laws of the universe. There is 
 nothing to build gratitude upon in that total, which is not equally found in 
 all its parts. The laws of the universe are as destitute of consciousness, of 
 knowledge, of kind intention, as the particular laws of planetary motion. 
 
 We cannot be thankful to the principles of the universe for our existence 
 even; for those principles, when they brought us into existence, were not 
 even aware of their own existence, and could not intend to make us, or know 
 that they were doing it. Gratitude implies the recognition of kind inten 
 tions in our benefactor ; and therefore it cannot be felt, where we know that 
 no kindness was intended. On Mr. Emerson s principles, it would be absurd 
 to thank God for anything. 
 
 This doctrine, too, annihilates all that confidence in God, which is founded 
 on a belief that he is kindly disposed towards us. We cannot trust in him as 
 a God of mercy. We cannot believe that, "like as a father pitieth his chil 
 dren, so the Lord pitieth them that fear him." His mercy can be nothing 
 but a blind, unconscious rule, by which the connection between crime and 
 pain is sometimes severed. He has no feeling of mercy towards us, for he 
 has no feeling at all, of any kind. The principles of the universe are at 
 work, carrying all things on, straight forward ; and our destiny must be just 
 what this vast machinery necessarily grinds out for us. We may rely, as 
 much as our knowledge will enable us to do, on the stability of the laws by 
 which all events are governed ; but we may not feel that a superior Intel- 
 ligence watches over events, with a kind regard for Our welfare. 
 
 Prayer, according to this doctrine, is absurd. What traveler, apprehending 
 danger from the explosion of a boiler, prays to the laws which regulate the 
 expansive force of steam ? Who, when he eats, prays to the principles of 
 physiology, that the food may be digested and made to strengthen him? 
 What manufacturer humbly entreats the principle of gravitation to act on the 
 water and turn the wheels of his machinery? Especially, prayer for pardon 
 can have no place. He who detects himself in an arithmetical error, cannot, 
 seriously and honestly, confess his sin to the principles of arithmetic, and im 
 plore their forgiveness. Such confessions and petitions, from their very nature, 
 can be made in earnest only to some person, supposed to be capable of hear 
 ing, understanding, and pardoning. 
 
 Nor can the believer in this doctrine possibly feel any reverence for God. 
 He cannot feel that God is voluntarily wise and good, and therefore worthy of 
 veneration. Indeed, he cannot feel that God is, in strictness of speech, either 
 wise or good at all; as wisdom and goodness are, strictly, attributes of some 
 intelligent being. The believer in this doctrine cannot look up to a being of 
 a higher and holier nature than his own. His God, to be sure, operates inces 
 santly, accurately, and irresistibly ; but blindly, without intention, and without 
 knowing what he does. The believer is conscious of his own existence, 
 and perceives and understands the things around him ; and therein is supe 
 rior to his imagined God. He must, therefore, be destitute of that humility, 
 which a contrasting of himself with the LIVING GOD would inspire. 
 
 A believer in this doctrine cannot regard himself as morally accountable to 
 
470 APPENDIX. 
 
 God. He may perceive the advantage of doing as God prescribes. He may 
 see the necessity of avoiding crime, if he would escape pain. He may 
 see the mighty wheels of the universe rolling on, according to fixed and 
 unalterable laws; and may be aware that he must conform his movements to 
 theirs, or be crushed. But his feeling must be the same in kind with that of 
 a man standing upon a rail-road, when he sees the engine approaching, a 
 mere sense of the necessity of moving out of the way, to avoid being crushed. 
 He cannot feel that God has any claims upon him, which it would be not 
 only dangerous, but wrong, to disregard. He cannot feel that God cares how 
 he conducts, is pleased when he obeys, or displeased when he sins. He may 
 believe that his own soul is a sort of self-registering thermometer, on which 
 all its own acts are recorded, so that their legitimate effects on his future 
 pleasures and pains are inevitable ; but he cannot feel that God literally ob- 
 serves his actions, or intends to call him to account for them. 
 
 Whether this doctrine makes equal havoc of the laws which should govern 
 our conduct towards men, we have not time now to inquire ; but we are sure 
 that it seriously affects the probability of their observance. For this, there 
 are two obvious reasons. Man needs the ideas and feelings which, as we 
 have shown, this belief excludes, to tame his proud and wayward spirit, to 
 give him humble and submissive emotions, and to subject his heart to the 
 dominion of law. Without a God to love, revere, and trust, the heart of man 
 cannot be made the home of virtuous emotions. And man needs to feel, also, 
 that his fellow men are dear to God ; that if he injures them, God sees it and 
 is displeased ; that if good is done to them, God rejoices in their happiness. 
 He needs to feel that, in caring for their happiness, he sympathizes with God; 
 and that in promoting it, he is working together with God. He who feels 
 nothing of this, will not feel towards his fellow men as he ought. And as to 
 the laws of the universe, he may think that Moses and the prophets did not 
 calculate their operation correctly, and that, though those laws will certainly 
 be executed, he may do many things which the Bible forbids, and yet receive 
 no injury from them. 
 
 Mr. Emerson s doctrine, therefore, does not meet the wants of our moral 
 nature; it does not enable us to fulfil the demands of conscience ; it deprives 
 us of many ideas, without which we cannot be what we know we ought to 
 be ; and, therefore, according to an important principle of the Transcendental 
 philosophy, it must be false. 
 
 Editorial Article for New York Observer, Saturday, November 17, 1838. 
 
 NO. II. 
 
 TRANSCENDENTALISM. 
 
 " What is Transcendentalism ?" We have seen and heard this question 
 several times of late ; and perhaps our mention of the subject las t week lays 
 us under some obligation to attempt an answer ; though it will impose upon 
 us the necessity of going into some historical details, which many of our 
 readers will find uninteresting. 
 
 We must even go back to the conversation, which, Locke tells us, was the 
 occasion of his writing his treatise on the human understanding. He had 
 been listening to a discussion in which, it appeared to him, the subject was 
 beyond the reach o the human mind. This prompted him to write a treat 
 ise which should preserve men from such mistakes, by showing on what 
 
APPENDIX. 471 
 
 subjects men might really have ideas. He began his treatise, by arguing that 
 men have no innate ideas. He next laid down the doctrine, that all our 
 ideas are acquired either by sensation or reflection. He then went on to show- 
 how, by the use of these faculties, many of our most important ideas are ac 
 quired. 
 
 There has been some dispute as to the meaning which he attached to the 
 term reflection. We think, however, that the general scope and object of his 
 work show clearly what he meant by it. His object was, to teach men on 
 what subjects they might have ideas. This he attempted to accomplish, by 
 considering the origin of our ideas. His doctrine was, that we may have 
 ideas on all subjects concerning which our senses can give us information; 
 and that on those subjects we may have two classes of ideas ; first, those which 
 we receive through the senses, and secondly, ideas formed by reflection, from 
 materials furnished by the senses. He could not mean that reflection is an 
 original and independent source of knowledge, which might furnish us with 
 ideas not ultimately derived from sensation ; for this would have defeated the 
 great object of his book, which was, to ascertain, by considering the origin 
 of our ideas, what ideas we could possibly have. Indeed, we believe that 
 Locke himself sufficiently fixed the meaning of the word, in some of the con 
 troversial writings to which his work gave rise. 
 
 The French followers of Locke made the system even more openly sensu 
 ous than he had done. They are very clear in limiting our ideas to the in 
 formation conveyed to us by the senses, and the same information modified 
 by reflection. Some of them call our ideas, except those of direct perception, 
 transformed sensations. Volney, in his " Ruins," argues expressly, that on 
 subjects not cognizable by the senses, there can be no uniformity of opinion 
 because there can be no knowledge. Such was the current doctrine of the 
 atheistic philosophers of the last century. More recently, the same philosophy, 
 in a coarser form, has been thrust before our eyes in this city, on the pages of 
 the " Free Enquirer." Robert Dale Owen and his coadjutors disavowed all 
 belief in the realities of the unseen world, because it is unseen. They main 
 tained that if there is a God, we have no facilities by which we can come to 
 the knowledge of his existence. 
 
 Another inference from Locke s philosophy has been, that men are not re 
 sponsible for their belief. It is said, that our ideas must inevitably be just 
 what the external objects around us impress upon the mind through the 
 senses ; and as it does not depend on us whether the sun shall shine, or whether 
 we shall see it when it shines, or believe it when we see it, we are not re 
 sponsible for our belief; and as for subjects on which the external world 
 does not govern our belief through the senses, we can know nothing about 
 them. 
 
 It was predicted by Locke s antagonists, while he was yet alive, that his 
 work would lead to Unitarianism ; and the prediction has been fulfilled. In 
 the abridged form of Crousaz s Logic, it was the means of introducing Unitari 
 anism into Geneva. Sember, and the other early German Rationalists, were 
 substantially of his school. The New-England Unitarians of the " Old School," 
 as they call themselves, are decided advocates of Locke. Indeed, Locke him 
 self is claimed as a Unitarian, and we know not that the claim can be success 
 fully resisted. 
 
 But David Hume surpassed all the other followers of Locke, both in meta 
 physical ability, and in the importance of the results of his writings. He 
 habitually argues, concerning one thing and another, " we can have no idea 
 on this or that subject, because there is no impression, from which we could 
 derive it." Assuming the truth of the premises which Locke had furnished, 
 
472 APPENDIX. 
 
 he argued that we cannot know whether the world around us actually exists, 
 or whether it only seems to us to exist. He attacked the argument of theo 
 logians, that there must be a first cause of all things, by asserting that we 
 neither have nor can have any idea of causation ; as all we know is, that one 
 impression on our own mind conies after, or seems to have come after, another 
 impression. One of his essays was written purposely to explode the current 
 idea of " necessary connection. 1 He carried to its full extent, and without 
 disguise, the doctrine of Locke, Paley, and others, that virtuous and profitable 
 are only different terms for the same idea. 
 
 Hume s conclusions startled the philosophers of Scotland. At first, they 
 knew not how to reply. It is expressly admitted by Reid, and also by Dugald 
 Stewart, that Hume s reasonings are strictly logical; that no full believer in 
 Locke had answered them, or ever could answer them. Yet his conclusions 
 were evidently false. They inferred, therefore, that Locke s philosophy, though 
 containing much valuable truth, must be essentially defective. After much 
 patient and careful investigation, they discovered, as they supposed, the defect. 
 They maintained that, besides the ideas with which the senses furnish us, 
 there are certain " maxims or principles of common sense;" certain "funda 
 mental laws of belief;" or " elementary principles of human reason," which 
 are of supreme authority in the domain of mind. Stewart thinks they may 
 be called " Transcendental truths." What these truths are, was a matter of 
 some discussion, and several rules were laid down, for distinguishing them. 
 One of them is, that the testimony of our senses, when fairly taken and under 
 stood, is to be believed. In general, they must be such as every man must 
 inevitably believe, and as even he who denies them must still assume as true, 
 in his reasonings against them. For example, he who argues that neither 
 himself nor any body else exists, must still take for granted that he, the rea- 
 soner, and those whom he addresses, do yet exist. 
 
 Here, we see, the universality of Locke s rule concerning the origin of our 
 ideas is denied. Stewart maintains that, though sensation is indispensable to 
 rouse the mind to activity, yet, when once made to act, the mind has a power 
 of elaborating certain ideas of itself; of seeing truths which do not rest, either 
 directly or remotely, on the testimony of sense. 
 
 Kant, the German metaphysician, took a bolder course. Reflecting on 
 Hume s doctrine, that we can have no idea of causation, he said to himself 
 for substance : " True, the senses can neither furnish me with the idea of 
 causation, nor with materials out of which I can make it. I can neither see, 
 with my eyes, the necessary connection between two events which we regard 
 as cause and effect, nor any materials of which that connection is composed. 
 Yet I have the idea. It belongs to me as a rational being. It is an idea of 
 reason, and not of sense." He concluded that "the reason" is capable of 
 furnishing us with ideas of a class different from those of sensation, and pro 
 ceeds to inquire what those ideas are. A host of writers in Germany, France 
 and England have followed up the inquiry. They agree in referring to the 
 reason, and not to sense, the knowledge of all intuitive truths ; of all demon 
 strative truths, strictly so called ; of all necessary truths, which of course are 
 eternal and immutable ; and of all moral truths. Even when these truths lie 
 beyond the reach of our reason to discover, and are testified to us through the 
 senses, it is by the reason, they say, that we are able to apprehend them. 
 This philosophy, as distinguished from that of Locke and his followers, is 
 what is commonly meant by TRANSCENDENTALISM. 
 
 This system is evidently embarrassed with one very serious difficulty. 
 How shall the philosopher distinguish between the ideas of the reason, which 
 are the same in all, and necessarily true, and the decisions of his own indi- 
 
APPENDIX. 473 
 
 vidual understanding, which rest ultimately on sense, and may be erroneous ? 
 For want of an evidently correct and universally received answer to this 
 question, Transcendentalists have speculated very differently from each other, 
 and some of them very strangely, and even blasphemously. " In our next 
 lecture, gentlemen," said a German professor, " we will create God."* He 
 meant, he would show how reason evolves from its own stores, the idea of 
 God ; leaving it in doubt whether God has any objective existence ; whether 
 he is anything more than a necessary form of thought for the human mind, or 
 as Mr. Emerson would say, the laws of the universe. 
 
 On the other hand, Transcendentalism has been closely connected with the 
 revival of piety in Europe. It is the philosophy of Neander, of Tholuck, of 
 all the orthodox in Germany. In France, Cousin must be-ranked in the same 
 class. His " Psychology," translated by Professor Henry, is doubtless far the 
 best introduction to that philosophy, accessible to the English reader. The 
 student of this work, we must remark by the way, should read the woik first, 
 and then the translator s introduction. 
 
 Among the New England Unitarians, Transcendentalism, as we said last 
 week, is making strange work. By rescuing moral truths from the doubtful 
 ness and outwardness which attend the testimony of the senses, and resting 
 their authority on demonstration and inward experience of their truth, it gives 
 them the opportunity, if they will, to make their religion more spiritual. Such, 
 we believe, is the use made of it by Dr. Walker, lately appointed Professor of 
 Moral Philosophy at Cambridge. Others go off into wild extremes, like Mr. 
 Emerson: while the greater part look on with amazement, and know not 
 what to think of it. 
 
 We must stop ; though justice to several English and American writers, 
 whom we have not mentioned, may compel us to resume the subject at another 
 time. 
 
 Editorial Article of the New York Observer, Saturday, Nov. 24, 1838. 
 TRANSCENDENTALISM:. 
 
 Plato, as quaintly translated by Cudworth, describes two classes of philoso 
 phers, which, he says, have always been in the world. Of the first, he 
 says : 
 
 11 These pull all things down from heaven and the invisible region with 
 their hands to the earth, laying hold of rocks and oaks ; and when they grasp 
 all these hard and gross things, they confidently affirm that that only is sub 
 stance which they can feel, and will resist the touch; and they conclude that 
 body and substance are one and the same thing ; and if any one chance to 
 speak to them of that which is not body, they will altogether despise him, 
 and not hear a word more from him. 
 
 " The adversaries of these Corporealists do cautiously and piously assault 
 them from the invisible region, fetching all things from above by way of de 
 scent, and by the strength of reason convincing that certain intelligible and 
 incorporeal forms are the true or first substance, and not sensible things. 
 
 " But between these two there hath always been a great war and conten 
 tion." 
 
 Here we see, plainly enough, the lineaments of the two great schools of 
 philosophy, which, under various modifications, have prevailed, either alter- 
 
 * Fichte. 
 
474 APPENDIX. 
 
 nately or as cotemporary rivals, to the present time ; the one building every 
 thing ultimately on sensation, the other on reason. 
 
 The first is, by its opponents, called, " the sensuous philosophy." The 
 word sensuous, however, in this connection, is to be carefully distinguished 
 from sensual. It is intended only to point out the philosophy which rests ulti 
 mately on sense and sensation. Whether its reliance on sense has a tendency 
 to make its votaries sensual, is a fair question for investigation. This philo 
 sophy, before the Christian era, was closely associated with atheism, with the 
 denial of the existence of any spiritual substance, and of course, with the 
 denial of our immortality. It knew nothing of any good, except agreeable 
 sensations and emotions, and the means of procuring them; for sense cannot 
 inform us of any other good. Even down to the time of Paley s Moral 
 Philosophy, with all the aid it has borrowed from the gospel, it can make no 
 thing of moral obligation, but "a violent motive, resulting from the command 
 of another ;" it can discover nothing in virtue, but " doing good to man, in 
 obedience to the will of God, for the sake of everlasting happiness." It is 
 essentially selfish ; recognizing no possibility that a man should act, unless he 
 act for pay. Under its teaching, all morality is reduced to a system of well 
 contrived rules, to be observed by every man for the promotion of his own 
 interest. 
 
 Of the other philosophy, which is sometimes called Platonic, sometimes 
 " spiritual," and in its modern German form, " transcendental," we noticed a 
 serious defect last week; the want of an infallible criterion, by which to dis 
 tinguish the decisions of reason from our own fancies and mistakes. An 
 ciently, this defect embarrassed it in all its departments, except the fine arts, 
 where the effect produced by a statue, painting or poem supplied the desired 
 criterion. In its application to the physical sciences, Bacon supplied the de 
 fect ; but not without borrowing so largely from the sensuous school, that they 
 have usually claimed him as one of themselves. In fact, he is of neither 
 school, but uses what is true of both. His laws of nature, his curves, his 
 regularly increasing or decreasing forces, and the like, are matters of which 
 the Censes never could inform us. Our ideas of them are purely the creation 
 of mind of the reason. This, in relation to geometry, Dugald Stewart has 
 proved at length, in the second volume of his Philosophy. But for matters of 
 fact, Bacon sends us to the senses. He bids us learn of them, whether a cer 
 tain curve, which the reason has investigated, is actually the orbit of the 
 moon. If Davy suspects, from analogy, that the alkalies are metallic oxydes, 
 Bacon tells him that that is a question of fact, of which the senses, and not 
 reason, are the proper witnesses ; and bids him decompose an alkali, and 
 show the metal in a visible mass and the oxygen in a receiver, before setting 
 down his guess among the doctrines of philosophy. Successful investigations 
 under the guidance of Bacon are the result of observations arid experiments, 
 made, not at hap-hazard, but for the deliberate purpose of ascertaining 
 whether some idea with which reason seems to have furnished us, is, indeed, 
 one of the laws of nature. 
 
 Whether such a service can be performed for theological science, is dispu 
 table ; that it has not, is certain. The German Transcendental ist, besides 
 certain liabilities to error that grow out of the nature of the subject and the 
 corruption of the heart, is exposed to lose his labor by mistaking speculation 
 for proof, just as were the natural philosophers before the time of Bacon. 
 Building everything on reason, they are in danger of going astray from facts. 
 Reasons sees principles, truths, but not facts. How can you prove, by reason, 
 that the earth exists, or that matter exists at all ? You might as well attempt 
 to see mathematical truth with your eyes, as to see matters of fact with the 
 
APPENDIX. 475 
 
 reason. You are conscious of your own existence. That implies the exist 
 ence of Him in whom you have your being. How can reason, unaided, 
 evince the existence of any other being? Hence, this school has always 
 verged towards Pantheism. 
 
 The Eclectic philosopher would avoid the evils and danger of both these 
 schools. But what is Eclecticism? Not, as some suppose, a patch-work, made 
 up by selecting from every philosophy, such parts as look well when con 
 sidered by themselves. The Eclectic assumes that, from the constitution of 
 the human mind, every system which prevails among men must be recom 
 mended by at least some admixture of truth, though, perhaps, imperfectly 
 understood, or grossly distorted ; and therefore, instead of rejecting any sys 
 tem in the mass, he would gather out, and render intelligible, and scientifi 
 cally arrange, the truth that it contains. Cousin, we believe, and those who 
 think with him in France, consider themselves as Eclectics. 
 
 As might be expected, truly pious theologians have ever been driven to 
 something like Eclecticism. The great Edwards is a remarkable example. 
 He, it is well known, was a devoted student of Locke; and yet, in his Treat 
 ise on the Affections, he is obliged to admit and maintain that the regenerate 
 do have ideas, such as they could not possibly have, if Locke s philosophy 
 were the whole truth. He says, Part iii. sec. 1, that, " through the saving in 
 fluences of the Spirit of God, there is a new inward perception or sensation 
 in their minds, entirely different in its nature and kind from anything that 
 their minds were ever the subjects of before they were sanctified ;" " some 
 thing that is new, not only in degree and circumstances, but in its whole na 
 ture ; and that which could be produced by no exalting, varying or com 
 pounding of what was there before, or by adding anything of the like kind j 
 which no improvement, composition or management of what it was before 
 could produce." He calls it "a new simple idea," and "a new principle." 
 In section 4, he tells us what that " new simple idea" is; that it is "the su 
 preme beauty and excellence of the nature of divine things, as they are in 
 themselves." In subsequent parts of his treatise, he shows how correct ideas 
 of God, of holiness and sin, of redemption, and of all divine truth, grow out 
 of this new spiritual perception. Euclid himself is not more scientific, in 
 following out his idea of mathematical equality. He maintains that the re 
 generate have an " intuitive" knowledge of the truth and divine excellency 
 of the gospel ; so that they are not merely strong in the opinion that the gos- 
 pel is true, but they have seen the truth of it, and are qualified, not merely to 
 argue, but to testify in its favor. 
 
 All this spiritual knowledge, according to Ed wards, does not rest ultimately 
 on the testimony of the senses, but has its origin in that "new simple idea," 
 which characterizes the regenerate ; which is apprehended, as he expressly 
 says, not by any new faculty, but by a new use of faculties which the man 
 had before ; as the Transcendental poet, Wordsworth, tells the proud man, 
 who "can feel contempt for anything that lives," that he "hath faculties, 
 which he hath never used." Regeneration, spiritual understanding, " the life 
 of God in the soul," imply mental phenomena, which, according to Locke, 
 are impossible. 
 
 The first outbreak of the Transcendental controversy among the Massa 
 chusetts Unitarians was caused by an article in the Christian Examiner, from 
 the pen of Rev. Mr. Ripley, of Boston, in which he maintained that faith in 
 the essential doctrines of Christianity need not rest on historical testimony 
 concerning the miracles by which it was attested. For this, he was de 
 nounced as virtually a Deist. It is remarkable that in this discussion, Mr. 
 Ripley quoted largely from these very reasonings of Edwards; as well a* 
 
476 APPENDIX. 
 
 from other writers of undoubted orthodoxy, who maintain that the unlearned 
 Christian may know the truth, by his personal experience of it, and acquaint 
 ance with it, though ignorant of historical proof of the authenticity of the 
 Scriptures. Here it became evident that these Transcendentalists would 
 change the character of Unitarianism 5 that they would infuse heart and soul 
 and life into it; but where they would go whether upward to Evangelical 
 piety, or off into poetry, sentimentalism, and, perhaps, fanaticism, was doubt 
 ful, and remains doubtful still. Probably some will go in all those directions ; 
 but we fear, the best road will contain the smallest company. 
 
 APPENDIX D. TO CHAPTER IX. 
 
 Religious Literature of Germany is the title of an article of the Foreign 
 Quarterly Review. The following are the opening paragraphs : 
 
 " By the favor of more than twenty years peace, and with the assistance 
 of an understanding which, by its general soundness and vigor, more than 
 compensates for what it may want in profundity and comprehensiveness, we 
 English have now arrived at a pretty satisfactory solution of the common pro 
 blems of German literature. Many things are known now and form, indeed, 
 part of the common atmosphere in which cultivated minds breathe that, 
 twenty years ago, were either altogether unknown, or known only to those 
 few extravagant and loving spirits that will at all times make a conscience 
 of going for weal or wo into every region where no other person ever went 
 before them. We know now almost universally that Immanuel Kant is not 
 a mystic, and that Goethe is not a whimpering sentimentalist, as little as he is 
 a god. But there remains behind those vulgar prolegomena a wide un 
 bounded region of German thought, descending deep into the abyss of meta 
 physical questioning, and rising high into those loftiest regions of religion, 
 where we are invited to drink of the waters of the river of life, that flow 
 from beneath the throne of the Everlasting. This region is as yet untrodden 
 by the most of us ; and, so far as we can judge from the echoes of strange 
 Babylonic voices, and the dark shadows of gigantic distortions that have 
 thence wandered over to our coasts, there seems to be no sufficient reason 
 \vhy we should disturb the peace of our souls by launching forth into this 
 new voyage of perilous discovery. So far as we, from our point of view, can 
 perceive, German theology, or German metaphysics, (for they are at bottom 
 the same,) is a waste-howling wilderness of hopeless skepticism an abatos 
 eremia more wild and wintery than that in which Prometheus was rock- 
 bound by the anger of Jove a province of Cimmerian darkness, where there 
 is only light enough to see long dismal rows of cold intellectual faces prying 
 curiously into the dissected body of the dead Beautiful. Nor do we allow 
 ourselves to be deceived by the number of wandering lights that ever and 
 anon perform strange evolutions through that atmosphere of darkness. We 
 see that these luminaries have no healthy permanency like the sun ; and we 
 know that the fields do not grow green beneath them. And if, at any time, 
 some calm dignified shape (a Novalis, perhaps), with the carriage of an 
 angel, sails solemnly through the inextricable tumult of vain opinions, we are 
 more confounded than consoled by such apparition ; we have not been accus 
 tomed to deal with religious phantasmagoria ; at all events, a little floating 
 poetry in the air will not compensate for the cold barren reality of the 
 earth ; the Englishman as yet sees nothing that can invite him to the serious 
 study of German theology. 
 
APPENDIX. 477 
 
 "There can be no doubt that the Englishman, in thus concluding, is acting in 
 perfect conformity with that sound sense for which, above all the races of men, 
 he is so remarkable. A genuine Englishman (we speak not of the few who 
 delight in playing mountebank tricks) will not embark on a journey merely for 
 the pleasures of sailing in a balloon; he must know where he is going, and 
 he must also know that the vehicle in which he travels will convey him. 
 thither in the most direct and expeditious manner. Now, what does German 
 theology offer to us by way of useful helps and aids in the perplexed journey 
 that we all travel to the grave and to the undiscovered country beyond if? 
 Has Immanuel Kant, with his searching analysis and his comprehensive 
 grasp; has Herder, with his restless spirit of investigation, and his fiery heart, 
 that literally raged with humanity ; has Schleiermacher, with all his pure 
 Platonism of sentiment ; has Gesenius, with all his Hebrew ; or Wegscheiden, 
 with all his reason, been able more clearly than we do to see through that 
 rent in the coffin of mortality, beyond which the star of the Christian s hope 
 shines benignly ? Not they. On the contrary, the tendency of all their doings 
 seems to have been to undermine the foundations of Christianity, and to leave 
 us (with the exception of some smooth pious phraseology) exactly v where we 
 were when Tacitus denounced the exitiabilis superstitio 1 and the odium hu- 
 mani generis that distinguished the vulgar sect of the Nazarenes. The fact is 
 undeniable. The Germans are not an irreligious nation far from it ; but 
 they certainly have succeeded most effectually, so far as their own national 
 belief is concerned, in evaporating all that is solid and substantial in Christi 
 anity, in taking away from beneath our feet all that is real and historical in 
 the faith of centuries. If to the English theologian the life of Christ is some 
 times little better than a mechanical series of miracles, here at least we have 
 a frame- work into which a soul may be breathed ; but to the German theolo 
 gian there is no life of Christ at all ; the whole is mythus, allegory, epos ; the 
 miracles, if they are not old wives tales, are mere magnified and glorified 
 pictures of Nature s most common-places; and to be a Christian is merely to 
 live in the God begotten idea of moral perfectionation, of which the name of 
 the Messiah doubtless is the enduring type, but the name of Plato as much so. 
 The Titanic architecture of the Old Testament evaporates by a like process 
 into smoke. As Wolf taught a new catechism to the scholars of his country, 
 so that we now hear no longer of Homer s Iliad and Homer s Odyssey, but 
 only of the Homeric ballads, so he also seems to have lent a watchword to 
 the theologians, and we hear no more of the books of Moses, but merely of 
 the Mosaic legend, the Mosaic mythus, the Mosaic epos; and that which was 
 late a mystical volume, out of whose pages flowed fountains of living water, 
 has now become an ancient scroll for the curious to read, a Hebrew parch 
 ment for the learned to comment on. The finger of God moves no longer 
 visibly, writing bright hopes upon the walls of our prison-house; like Homer s 
 ghosts (eidola amaura) we wander melancholy, dark amid darkness ; and we 
 hear nothing but confounding voices of foolish opinions and infantine babblings, 
 of which, whether coming from ourselves or others, we had long since been 
 sick even unto the death. The anchor of certainty has again been torn from the 
 intellect of man ; our brightest hopes, which Christianity made to shine like 
 the stars in the firmament, are now a second time sent to float as loose bub 
 bles on the ocean of bottomless speculation ; we cannot even look devoutly 
 for the second advent of Christ to convince us that there ever was a first ; for 
 Immanuel Kant has made every man his own legislator, and the Categorical 
 Imperative will not submit to be taught even by the Epiphany of a God. 
 
 " Why, therefore, it will be asked, do we tempt God, by opening up his 
 shoreless sea of doubt, and throwing the helmless barks of human souls 
 
478 APPENDIX. 
 
 abroad upon its waves? Are we envious of the fate of Pliny, and desirous 
 to throw away the precious gift of existence, for the idle curiosity of contem 
 plating with nearer gaze this smoke and fire of a burning mountain ? If this 
 analogy were perfectly appropriate in all points, the course of every wise 
 man would be clear to keep out of harm s way. But if God has thrown 
 the dark valley of the shadow of death in the direct road between us and 
 heaven, it is not for us to turn aside from that perilous passage, because the 
 light on the road which we have hitherto traveled has been uniformly plea 
 sant and comfortable to the eye ; and most certain is it that doubt and per 
 pkxity are the portals of faith, as sorrow and anguish of soul and honest self- 
 reproach are the beginnings of sanctiftcation. True it is that human nature, 
 in its present frail estate, can scarcely afford to lose the glorious hope of im 
 mortality for any thing that Kant, or Hegel, or Goethe, has to offer in its stead ; 
 but still less can human nature afford to lose truth, and the love of truth, and 
 the search of truth, and the constraining power of reality. What avails it to 
 me that I hold the sceptre of the world in my hand, if all the while I am 
 haunted with the suspicion that it is the mere bauble of a child ? And thus, 
 in religious, matters especially.it is of the utmost importance that what a man 
 believes he believes with his whole soul; for certainly not so much upon the 
 quantity as upon the quality of his faith does his salvation depend. If a man, 
 therefore, has any doubts upon religious subjects, and German theology comes 
 in his way, it is in vain for him to say to his difficulties, get ye gone for this 
 time, when I have a more convenient season I will call for you. If the faith 
 in which the religious man seeks to live is to be anything better than a float 
 ing cloud, he must examine and question ; and no one ever examined and 
 questioned to any purpose who had not first learned to doubt. If our religion 
 is to be any thing better than a mere garment, a mere piece of heraldic bla 
 zonry, it is of essential importance that we should know exactly where we are. 
 If there be any suspicions about the matter, let us make minute inquiry whe 
 ther it be mid-day or mid-night, or merely the morning rednesse of a day that 
 shall be. And if the devil be abroad any where, let us, by all means, see 
 him : for the prince of the power of the air works ever most dangerously in 
 the dark." 
 
 APPENDIX F. TO CHAPTER IX. 
 
 LETTER OF THE LATE KEV. PROFESSOR WARE. 
 
 For the Watchman. 
 
 NEW SCHOOL IX LITERATURE AKD RELIGION. 
 
 Mr. EDITOR The following remarks, from the Daily Advertiser and Patriot, 
 are so just and seasonable, that they are deemed worthy of an insertion in 
 your paper. Coming, as they do, from a distinguished Professor in Harvard 
 University, Professor Ware, they may prove as interesting to the generality of 
 your readers as they have to A SUBSCRIBER. 
 
 " To Editor of Boston Daily Advertiser." 
 
 There is a strange state of things existing about us in the literary and reli 
 gious world, of which none of our larger periodicals have yet taken notice. It 
 is the result of that restless craving for notoriety and excitement, which, in one 
 way or another, is keeping our community in a perpetual stir. It has shown 
 itself, we think, particularly since that foolish woman. Miss Martineau, was 
 
APPENDIX. 479 
 
 among us and stimulated the vanity of her flatterers by loading them in return 
 with the copper coin of her praise, which they easily believed was as good as 
 gold. She was accustomed to talk about her mission, as if she were a special 
 dispensation of Providence, and they too thought that they must all have their 
 missions, and began to " vaticinate," as one of their number has expressed it. 
 But though her genial warmth may have caused the new school to bud and 
 bloom, it was not planted by her. It owes its origin in part to ill understood 
 notions, obtained by blundering through the crabbed and disgusting obscurity 
 of some of the worst German speculatists, which notions, however, have been 
 received by most of its disciples at second hand, through an interpreter. The 
 atheist Shelley has been quoted and commended in a professedly religious 
 work, called the Western Messenger ; but he is not, we conceive, to be reckoned 
 among the patriarchs of this sect. But this honor is due to that hasher up of 
 German metaphysics, the Frenchman, Cousin ; and, of late, that hyper-Ger 
 manized Englishman, Carlyle, has been the great object of admiration and 
 model of style. Cousin and Carlyle indeed seem to have been transformed 
 into idols to be publicly worshipped, the former for his philosophy, and the 
 latter both for his philosophy and fine writing; while the veiled image of the 
 German pantheist, Schleiermacher, is kept in the sanctuary. 
 
 The characteristics of this school are the most extraordinary assumption 
 united with great ignorance and incapacity for reasoning. There is, indeed, a 
 general tendency among its disciples to disavow learning and reasoning as 
 sources of their higher knowledge. The mind must be its own unassisted 
 teacher. It discerns transcendental truths by immediate vision, and these 
 truths can no more be communicated to another by addressing his under 
 standing, than the power of clairvoyance can be given to one not mag 
 netized. They announce themselves as the prophets and priests of a new 
 future, in which all is to be changed, all old opinions done away, and all pre 
 sent forms of society abolished. But by what process this joyful revolution 
 is to be effected we are not told ; nor how human happiness and virtue are to 
 be saved from the universal wreck, and regenerated in their Medea s caldron. 
 There are great truths with which they are laboring, but they are unutterable 
 in words to be understood by common minds. To such minds they seem non 
 sense, oracles as obscure as those of Delphi. 
 
 The rejection of reasoning is accompanied with an equal contempt for good 
 taste. All modesty is laid aside. The writer of an article for an obscure 
 periodical, or a religious newspaper, assumes a tone as if he were one of the 
 chosen enlighteners of a dark age. He continually obtrudes himself upon his 
 reader, and announces his own convictions, as if from their having that cha 
 racter they were necessarily indisputable. He floats about magnificently on 
 bladders, which he would have it believed are swelling with ideas. Common 
 thoughts, sometimes true, oftener false, and " Neutral nonsense, neither false 
 nor true," are exaggerated, and twisted out of shape and forced into strange 
 connections, to make them look like some grand and new conception. To 
 produce a more striking effect our common language is abused ; antic tricks 
 are played with it; inversions, exclamations, anomalous combinations of 
 words, unmeaning, but coarse and violent, metaphors abound, and withal a 
 strong infusion of German barbarisms. Such is the style of Carlyle, a writer 
 of some talent; for his great deficiency is not in this respect, it is in good 
 sense, good taste, and soundness of principle; but a writer, who, through his 
 talents such as they are, through that sort of buffoonery and affectation of 
 manner which throws the reader off his guard, through the indisputable 
 novelty of his way of writing, and through a somewhat too prevalent taste 
 among us for an over excited and convulsionary style, which we mistake for 
 
480 APPENDIX. 
 
 eloquence, has obtained a degree of fame in this country, very disproportioned 
 to what he enjoys at home, out of the Westminster Review. Carlyle, how 
 ever, as an original, might be tolerated, if one could forget his admirers and 
 imitators. 
 
 The state of things described might seem a matter of no great concern, a 
 mere insurrection of folly, a sort of Jack Cade rebellion, which in the nature of 
 things must soon be put down, if those engaged in it were not gathering con 
 fidence from neglect, and had not proceeded to attack principles which are 
 the foundation of human society and human happiness. Silly women, it has 
 been said, and silly young men, it is to be feared, have been drawn away from 
 their Christian faith if not divorced from all that can properly be called reli 
 gion. The evil is becoming for the time disastrous and alarming and of this 
 fact there could hardly be more extraordinary and ill-boding evidence than is 
 afforded by a publication, which has appeared, entitled an " Address, delivered 
 before the Senior class in Divinity College, Cambridge," upon the occasion of 
 that class taking leave of the institution. " By Ralph Waldo Emerson." 
 
 It is not necessary to remark particularly on this composition. It will be 
 sufficient to state generally, that the author professes to reject all belief in 
 Christianity as a revelation, that he makes a general attack upon the clergy, on 
 the ground that they preach what he calls " Historical Christianity," and that 
 if he believe in God in the proper sense of the term, which one passage might 
 have led his hearers to suppose, his language elsewhere is very ill judged and 
 indecorous. But what his opinions may be is a matter of minor concern; the 
 main question is how it has happened, that religion has been insulted by the 
 delivery of these opinions in the Chapel of the Divinity College at Cambridge, 
 as the last instruction which those were to receive, who were going forth from 
 it, bearing the name of Christian preachers. This is a question in which the 
 community is deeply interested. No one can doubt for a moment of the dis 
 gust and strong disapprobation with which it must have been heard by the 
 highly respectable officers of that institution. They must have felt it not only 
 as an insult to religion, but as personal insult to themselves. But this renders 
 the fact of its having been so delivered only the more remarkable. We can 
 proceed but a step in accounting for it. The preacher was invited to occupy 
 the place he did, not by the officers of the Divinity College, but by the mem 
 bers of the graduating class. These gentlemen, therefore, have become acces 
 sories, perhaps innocent accessories, to the commission of a great offence; and 
 the public must be desirous of learning what exculpation or excuse they can 
 offer. 
 
 It is difficult to believe that they thought this incoherent rhapsody a speci 
 men of fine writing, that they listened with admiration, for instance, when 
 they were told that the religious sentiment " is myrrh, and storax, and chlorine 
 and rosemary;" or that they wondered at the profound views of their present 
 teacher, when he announced to them that "the new teacher," for whom he is 
 looking, would " see the identity of the law of gravitation with purity of heart ;" 
 or that they had not some suspicion of inconsistency, when a new teacher was 
 talked of after it had been declared to them, that religious truth t; is an intui 
 tion," and <; cannot be received at second hand." 
 
 But the subject is to be viewed under a far more serious aspect. The 
 words God, Religion, Christianity, have a definite meaning, well understood. 
 They express conceptions and truths of unutterable moment to the present 
 and future happiness of man. We well know how shamefully they have 
 been abused in modern times by infidels and pantheists; but their meaning 
 remains the same ; the truths which they express are unchanged and un 
 changeable. The community know what they require when they ask for a 
 
APPENDIX. 481 
 
 Christian teacher; and should any one approving the doctrines of this discourse 
 assume that character, he would deceive his hearers ; he would be guilty of a 
 practical falsehood for the most paltry of temptations ; he would consent to 
 live, a lie, for the sake of being maintained by those whom he had cheated. 
 It is not, however, to be supposed that his vanity would suffer him long to 
 keep his philosophy wholly to himself. This would break out in obscure 
 intimations, ambiguous words, and false and mischievous speculations. But 
 should such preachers abound, and grow confident in their folly, we can 
 hardly over-estimate the disastrous effects upon the religious and moral state 
 of the community. 
 
 APPENDIX F. TO CHAPTER IX. 
 
 THE SENTIMENTS OF DR. CHANNING AT THE CLOSE OF HIS LIFE. 
 
 The whole passage from which these quotations have been made is so 
 important that the reader will doubtless be gratified to read it entire. 
 
 It is found in an article in the "Present," edited by W. H. Channing, for 
 November, 1843, on pages 90 and 91, and reads as follows: 
 
 "In paying this tribute to the moral worth, and a certain religious fidelity 
 to duty, which have illustrated the lives of many Unitarians, I must in sin 
 cerity add, that these manifestations have generally been made in those happy 
 temperaments which involve no great temptations to the evils of which they 
 were innocent, and where the depth and energy of human passions have not 
 been called forth. In looking over the biographies of Unitarian saints, do we 
 not find them the gentle beings, the flowers of humanity, rather than those 
 master spirits whose lives are to themselves a mystery, not to be solved by 
 analogies of nature and art, and whose destiny it is to mould the ages in 
 which they live, and commence new eras in the life of humanity, either by 
 great crimes or great reforms. A certain feeble and sometimes a dilettante 
 air pervades the purest of these imitators of Jesus of Nazareth, who, in a 
 majority of cases, die young. Why do I feel that a MAN would rather be of 
 the worst type of humanity, provided only he could be energetic and original, 
 than the most angel-like form of these beautiful children of Christian circum 
 stance, who blooms to die ? 
 
 " Yet, I would not seem ungracious to these fair forms, in which I take de 
 light, as the most beautiful of the beauties of nature. I have in my thoughts 
 one, perhaps the greatest, who has ever worn the name of Unitarian. En 
 dowed by nature with wonderful sensibility to beauty of every kind and de 
 gree, and separated to his profession, in early life, by all the restraining cir 
 cumstances of a strict New England education, never removed from the sur 
 veillance of a public, uncompromising in its requisitions of moral severity 
 upon all devoted to its religious interests, this good seed, well planted, under 
 good rains of a certain sort of adversity, as well as a fair proportion of sun 
 shine, was the fairest, richest product of the natural religion of his age. By 
 means of this religion, which, not without an humble reverence he called 
 Christian, he protested well and nobly against the corruptions of the prevail 
 ing Church and strategy, and the dry technicality of the theological teaching. 
 More especially was he mighty against the social evils which he saw were 
 out of harmony with the theory of government that he all but worshiped ; 
 and which is the growth of a far higher theology, and a far deeper insight 
 into human nature s wants, than, with all his fidelity to the law written on 
 his heart, and all his beautiful talents, he appreciated. But have not you, as 
 well as I, felt the note of melancholy that bases even the triumphant organ- 
 31 
 
482 APPENDIX. 
 
 flow of his style, as from his voice it ever resounded to the ear? The more 
 strictly spiritual were the subjects of his eloquence, the more was this evi 
 dent. But I do not fail to discern it on his happiest occasions, even when 
 Emancipation, or the freedom of the press, the interests of education, or the 
 elevation of the poor, were his themes. Unitarianism was not to him a foun 
 tain of life. The best he ever said of it was, that he hoped it was a road to 
 the fountain. He never pretended that he had learnt precisely what that 
 power is, which should change the selfishness of the heart into love, although 
 he asserted so eloquently, that as sure as God lives, such a power Jesus per 
 sonally possessed ; and, under certain conditions, which, however, he did not 
 clearly define, all men might gain it from him. Though he seems, to those 
 who stand in my position, to be shading from men, by his method, the light 
 which lighteth every man that cometh into the world; yet it is affecting to 
 see how careful he is of the lantern which should contain this light, and how 
 intensely conscious of the darkness that needs its beams. He has done with 
 great fidelity an important work in his day, and did not pass away without 
 giving many signs of being intrinsically superior to the system which he sup 
 ported, one of which was, that he always declared it, if the best he knew, 
 yet a very meagre and lifeless statement of the Christian religion, quite in 
 adequate to have stirred into existence the stormy chaos that Christendom 
 has hitherto been, or manifestly inadequate to make that chaos an ordered 
 world." 
 
 The appearance of the article in "the Present," a work edited by the 
 nephew of Dr. Channing, and who is to be his biographer, created quite a 
 sensation ; and the allusion to the Rev. Dr. Channing was avowed by the 
 writer of it, whose daily intercourse with Dr. C. afforded her the best of all 
 means of knowing the opinions of this gentleman. Mrs. E. L. Follen wrote 
 a review of this article in "the Present," for April, 1844, pages 398 and 399. 
 The reader will find the views presented in the extract above made, justified 
 by the letter written to J. Blanco White, so far as it states the Rev. Dr. Chan- 
 ning s estimate of Unitarianism ; and from inquiries made of those well ac 
 quainted with Dr. C., I have every reason to believe the writer has been 
 strictly correct in all she has said. 
 
 PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 From the New York Observer, by the Editor, Saturday, July 4, 1846. 
 FOURIERISM: WOMEN AND CHILDREN. 
 
 There is something superlatively ridiculous in the idea of a Fourierite dis 
 coursing of love, and prating upon the tendency of civilization to destroy that 
 passion, and the importance of introducing "the Association" system that 
 woman may be independent and therefore able to love as she ought. Matthew 
 Henry, in his notes on the creation, speaking with great beauty of God s tak 
 ing a rib of Adam to make a wife for him, remarks that He did not take her 
 from his head to overtop him, nor from his feet to be trampled upon, but from 
 under his arm to show that she was to be protected, and from near his heart 
 to show that she was to be loved. There is poetry and truth of the highest 
 order in this. And it has been generally supposed that the relation in which 
 woman by the arrangement of society is placed, is wisely adapted to bind 
 her to him that she may rejoice in finding her pleasure in that which is her 
 duty. Such is the case in all virtuous families. Such is the practical opera- 
 
APPENDIX. 483 
 
 tion of the marriage institution. See how it works in a manufacturing town. 
 There large numbers of youth of both sexes are engaged in factory labor : a 
 young woman stands ten or twelve hours a day at a loom to earn a living: 
 a young man offers himself to her in marriage and she chooses freely whether 
 or not to accept him : they are married: he takes her to a home he has pro 
 vided: he toils the harder to support his wife: she ministers to his wants, 
 solaces his hours of leisure with her affection, and both are a hundred fold 
 happier in their new relations than they were before. The wife is dependent: 
 true; and who toils for her the live-long day, arid spends his hard earnings 
 cheerfully for her support? Who finds his highest happiness in making his 
 wife happy, and has his reward in the love he receives in return? And yet 
 these philosophers of the Fourier school tell us that this " dependency of wo 
 man upon man for her support is very unfavorable to a full development of 
 love." "This beautiful passion can only exist where there is liberty, liberty 
 of the soul and the body." 
 
 This doctrine of the Fourierites is open to two objections. First, it is a lie, 
 and Secondly, it is licentious. It is a lie that the woman s present position is 
 unfavorable to love. It is the very system best calculated to develop and 
 strengthen her attachment, to identify her with her husband, so that she feels 
 her happiness and his to be bound indissolubly together. Mrs. Ellis felt the 
 truth on this point when she defined a wife, a being " to come home to." 
 That tells the whole story and touches the heart. And we do not care to 
 number on our list of friends the man who does not respond to that definition 
 from his inner soul. Washington Irving had the truth also in him when he 
 drew the beautiful illustration of the vine which winds itself around the rough 
 oak, finding its way into all its rugged recesses, and is lifted by it into the sun 
 shine. But the Reformer Brisbane saith : 
 
 " Pecuniary dependency poisons all social relations, and causes to a greater or 
 less extent the renouncement of liberty, of that liberty which is the most 
 cherished, the liberty of the heart with its sympathies and affections." Page 
 299. 
 
 Now what must be the tendency of such sentiments in the minds of young 
 men and women ? It is to licentiousness by system. The object" of this teach 
 ing is to assure young men that the domestic relation is unfriendly to love; 
 that a woman must have " liberty of soul and liberty of body" or the passion 
 of love cannot exist. Observe that the Fourierites deny that this liberty is 
 enjoyed in the married state, and then they deny that love can exist without 
 this liberty. And this doctrine is industriously circulated in this community, 
 and in almost every village in the United States, and many respectable men 
 are so blind, or are so prejudiced in favor of those who are teaching these 
 corrupting sentiments, that they wish we would let the subject alone. But it 
 is high time that the true object of Fourierism were exposed. 
 
 We have said that Fourierism, while it assails the institution of marriage, 
 makes provision for the care of children. Here we come to a curious chapter, 
 and we promise rare entertainment to the reader who has patience to follow 
 us a little farther. It would gratify us to be able to transfer to our columns 
 whole chapters of Mr. Brisbane on the care of children, but as our limits for 
 bid us this amusement, we must give an outline of the plan; it will be re 
 membered that the Fourier system is to provide an immense mansion in the 
 country capable of lodging a thousand people or more, who are to eat at a 
 common table, and the various members of the community are to take turns 
 in doing the work, according to their tastes! Among other arrangements, 
 there are to be large apartments, where the children are to be tended in a 
 
484 APPENDIX. 
 
 heap, being distributed in successive series of rooms, according to their ages 
 and habits ! Saith that profound philosopher Brisbane as follows : 
 
 " Early infancy, which extends to the age of two years, comprises two 
 classes of children, which we will call Sucklings and Weaned. 
 
 " These two classes are subdivided, without distinction of sex, into three 
 divisions, forming a series of characters, as follows : 
 
 "The Quiet or Good-natured. 
 
 " The Restless or Noisy. 
 
 " The Turbulent or Intractable. 
 
 " Two nurseries, one for the Sucklings, and another for the Weaned, will 
 be necessary; each nursery will contain three rooms, for the three kinds of 
 characters; besides, side-rooms for the Nurses and Doctors; the latter will 
 visit the children daily, without distinction of fortune. The rooms occupied 
 by these three classes of children, must be sufficiently separated to prevent 
 the Turbulent from annoying, with their screams, the Quiet, or even the Rest 
 less, who are rather more manageable." Page 396. 
 
 But it naturally suggests itself to one who ever knew anything of chil 
 dren, that such an arrangement as this might tend to confusion and disorder; 
 a hundred babies, specially selected for their "turbulent," " noisy," "restless," 
 and " intractable" dispositions, all in one room, might make a slight degree of 
 music not so congenial to the rest of the household, and how does the simple 
 reader suppose Mr. Nurse Brisbane proposes to remedy this inconvenience ? 
 Why, it s the easiest thing in the world. Hear the great philosopher once 
 more: 
 
 " The noise of infants, which is such an annoyance at present, will be very 
 much diminished in the nurseries of a Phalanx. Those of the third class 
 The Intractable will be less turbulent, less noisy, than are at present the 
 other two classes, the Quiet and the Restless. What means will be employed 
 to pacify them 1 ? Will the passions of these little creatures be changed? 
 Most certainly not: they will be fully developed, but diversions and amuse 
 ments will be procured for them by placing them in the company of children 
 of sympathetic characters. The most noisy will cease their cries, when they 
 are placed with a dozen other little creatures, as perverse as themselves. 
 They will silence each other by their screams, something like those braga- 
 docios, who become perfectly mild and abandon their overbearing conduct, 
 when they are in the company of their equals." Page 400. 
 
 Hail ! great Brisbane, and thy brother of the Tribune, hail! We give thee 
 joy for thy discovery. The noisy children "will silence each other by their 
 screams ! !" " The most noisy will cease their cries when they are placed 
 with a dozen other little creatures as perverse as themselves." Strange that 
 this fact was never thought of before: that it was left for the two geniuses of 
 our day to make the profound discovery that the excess of sound is silence, 
 and the more crying children you put together the stiller it is ! But this inef 
 fable nonsense is dignified with the name of philosophy, and the men who 
 teach it are looked up to as lights of the age. And once more writes our male 
 nurse: 
 
 " Nature demands the education of children in masses, as well for their 
 own good as for the comfort of parents. In spite of all that is preached of the 
 sacred duties of Nature, there is not a married couple who are not more or 
 less tired of the cares which infants require, of the filthy and repugnant ser 
 vices which their weakness demands." 
 
 But we must now pass on to children of riper years to see what Fourierism 
 will do for them. Doubtless those who have thought of this scheme of Asso 
 ciation have asked themselves who is to do the dirty work of the concern, if 
 
APPENDIX. 485 
 
 every one is to do as he or she likes? If no one chooses to clean the stable, 
 who will do it ? But this difficulty is obviated easily : the children are to be 
 trained to love filth, so that they will delight to work in it! Is it not a beau 
 tiful scheme? "Attraction" is the law of this new system, and since no one 
 is to be "forced" to perform any service, a class must be trained who will find 
 pleasure in putridity and be cleansed and perfumed when they come out of 
 it, so that they shall not offend the olfactories of those whose tastes revolt at 
 menial services. Now we confess that it is too much to ask any one to be 
 lieve this on our simple assertion of it: and the Tribune, will doubtless charge 
 us with " shameful dishonesty" and " forgery" even if we prove these things 
 by full length quotations. But we ask pardon for defiling the Observer with 
 three consecutive pages of Brisbane s Book on Association, in which he de- 
 velopes the Fourier plan of doing dirty work, confessedly the hardest problem 
 in a system where everybody is to do only what he likes. Read 
 
 " CHAPTER THIRTY-FOURTH. 
 
 " COHPOKATIOIf OF THE LITTLE HORDES. 
 
 " Repugnant, disgusting, and degrading occupations are, in civilization, over 
 come by pay ; but in an order of things in which free and attractive co-opera 
 tion will be an essential character of the social mechanism, they must be sur 
 mounted by attraction. 
 
 " The whole system of Attractive Industry would fall prostrate, if means 
 were not found of connecting powerful incentives with the execution of all 
 disgusting branches of work, the performance of which can at present, as we 
 remarked, only be procured by money. 
 
 "If we succeed in connecting powerful stimulants with the performance of 
 filthy functions, which are now degrading, and secure their execution by at 
 traction, success will be the more certain with all those occupations, which, 
 without being agreeable, are supportable. 
 
 " To attain this end, it will be necessary to organize a Corporation or Band 
 of children, who, for the maintenance of SOCIAL UNITY, will take upon them 
 selves the performance of all filthy branches of work, and communicate by 
 their devotion a respect to unclean and repugnant occupations, which in 
 turn will give a lustre to all works of minor attraction, such as ploughing. 
 
 " If repugnance or disgust should discredit any branch of industry, the series 
 devoted to it, would, as a consequence, become abased, and its members con 
 sidered as a vulgar class. Such a result would disturb the whole mechanism 
 of Association. Friendship must be general among all classes, in order that 
 the rich may feel no repugnance in taking part in the occupations of all the 
 series. Attraction, consequently, must be extended to every branch of Indus 
 try, and care be taken that no branch be despised, or considered even dis 
 reputable. 
 
 " The Little Hordes are divided into three classes. The First is devoted to 
 unclean or filthy functions, such as cleaning of sinks, sewers, privies, manage 
 ment of manures, etc. The second to the destruction of reptiles and insects, 
 and to the employments requiring dexterity. The third participates in the 
 functions of both. 
 
 " No passion is more marked in children from ten to twelve years of age than 
 that of filth and dirt. If we do not wish to change the passions, we must find 
 means of making use of this taste, which Nature, it is evident, gives to one 
 half of children. The Combined order will, in the corporation of the Little 
 
486 APPENDIX. 
 
 Hordes, make a most precious use in social equilibrium of this pretended de 
 pravity of taste. 
 
 u Association will employ the passions as God created them, without changing 
 their nature. This is the whole mystery and secret of the calculation of Pas 
 sional Attraction. The question is not discussed whether the Creator was 
 right or wrong in giving to mankind such and such passions : they will be 
 made use of as God gave them. 
 
 "The taste for the dirty occupations is harmless and without pretension in 
 young children ; it takes a higher flight in those from nine to twelve ; they 
 carry it from the simple to the compound, and plot vast plans of filthy roguery. 
 For example, they go of an evening and besmear the knockers and bell- 
 handles of doors with dirt ; their delight is to play these pranks upon every 
 body. Their plots are well planned and dexterously executed, except that 
 now and then they receive a few lashes, which do not, however, diminish 
 their noble ardor. 
 
 " Whence comes this inclination for filth in boys from ten to twelve ? Is it 
 a defect of education, or want of precepts ? It is neither, for the more you 
 preach to them against it, the more they will persevere in it. Is it depravity ? 
 Nature then must be depraved, for it is she who gives them this passion! If 
 the system of Attraction be true in all its details, this attraction must be given 
 for a useful purpose, in as much as it is so strong with a majority of children 
 of this age. 
 
 "This enigma cannot be solved in civilization; Association explains it; the 
 taste for dirt is a necessary impulse to enlist children in the corporation of the 
 Little Hordes, to induce them to undergo daily the disgust connected with dirty 
 work, and to open for themselves in filthy functions, a vast career of industrial 
 glory and unitary philanthrophy. 
 
 " The inclination for dirt, which we find predominant in children, is but a 
 rude germ ; it must be refined by the application of two incentives: Unitary 
 religious spirit and Corporative honor. Sustained by these incentives, repug 
 nant occupations will become for children the sports of a compound indirect 
 Attraction. 
 
 "In taking upon themselves the performance of mephitical functions, in 
 which the health of the laboring mass at present is frequently undermined, 
 children in the Combined order will never expose theirs, being always well 
 cleaned and perfumed before and after a short period of labor." pp. 4436. 
 
 This is Fourierism. This was written by Fourier himself, translated by 
 Brisbane, and this is the system of which the Tribune claims to be the only 
 organ. 
 
 In copying these three pages, we have done " dirty work" enough for one 
 week, and here we will pause. We need a little cleansing and perfuming 
 after such a labor. But we ask, in the name of our common humanity, if such 
 a chapter of infamous nonsense was ever perpetrated before? Did mortal 
 man ever conceive the like of it? And will parents, will Christians, will 
 good citizens encourage the dissemination of such trash as this? We talk 
 against light literature and a licentious press and all that, but here are a set 
 of men, employing their utmost energies to circulate these doctrines that aim 
 at the abrogation of marriage, and the institution of one great brothel and 
 foundling hospital, where the decrees of the heart shall be the true guide to 
 the intercourse of the sexes, and the children shall be kept and trained to 
 perform the " filthy functions" of this rotten Sodom ; and professing Christians 
 actually encourage and defend these men in their open and profligate war 
 upon society, civilization and virtue. Incredible as it may seem, it is no less 
 true that, since our last paper was published, the editor of the N. Y. Tribune, 
 
APPENDIX. 487 
 
 in his paper of June 30, declares, that " he has expended for the specific pur 
 pose of carrying out his theories of Fourierism some thousands of dollars, and 
 intends to make the same disposition of more as soon as he has it to expend." 
 This we mention that the Christian public may understand the nature and 
 something of the extent of the efforts that are made to undermine society, and 
 where the money comes from that is spent in this pestilent work. But we 
 will follow up this subject hereafter. 
 
 APPENDIX G. TO CHAPTER XII. 
 
 From the New York Observer, for August 1846, by the Editor. 
 FOURIERISM: FURTHER DEVELOPMENTS. 
 
 Fourier s plan suggests corporations or classes in society: we have been in 
 the habit of supposing that all were to be on terms of social equality, and this 
 is evidently the favorite scheme of the American school. They advocate the 
 reduction of the present isolated household system to one great family, where 
 the passions shall regulate the intercourse of the sexes, and common provision 
 be made for the children. But Fourier prescribes distinct orders, and here he 
 shows his superiority over the Brisbanes, Godwins and Greeleys of the day. 
 He divides the Phalanx into corporations. 
 
 The first embraces those who wish to be " constant in love." 
 
 But he says that " others are formed for change," and these are 
 
 " So peculiarly formed that they will join themselves to other corporations 
 more or less severe, as may be agreeable to their inclinations and temperaments. 
 The statutes of the different corporations of this series will be sufficiently 
 varied to allow each person to find congenial natures." 
 
 Recollect that this is not our language. It is the exposition of Fourierism by 
 the ablest defender of it in America: by a man who was once a member of 
 the Princeton Theological Seminary, a candidate for the ministry in the Pres 
 byterian church; an educated man, now a Fourierite!! While we make this 
 painful statement to show that the view is from a hand friendly to Fonrierism, 
 we also show that Fourierism is not so perfect a piece of folly that Christians 
 have no need to fear its progress. The advocates of the system are careful to 
 put forth in their newspaper only its more popular and attractive features, and 
 when a victim has been beguiled by these, he is on the highway to the true 
 and real objects of the association which we have exhibited from their books. 
 
 Thus far the only attempt to meet these developments has been made by a 
 flat denial of the fairness of our quotations. We invite the severest scrutiny 
 into these extracts. Any one can step into a bookstore and ask for Brisbane s 
 or Godwin s works, and test this question for himself. The Fourierites know 
 that we have not imputed a single shadow of licentious sentiment to them 
 which is riot over and over again taught and avowed with perfect clearness 
 in their writings. And now we desire to say that no man, having a know 
 ledge of the subject, will deny the truth of our representations, unless he has 
 made falsehood his profession, and by a long course of daily practice has ac 
 quired as thorough a contempt for truth as Fourier had of female virtue. Such 
 a man will charge us with unfairness ; no other man will. 
 
 When we published the appalling passage in which the infamous father of 
 this system revealed his plan for the regulation of marriage, the Tribune editor 
 attempted to parry the force of it by saying : 
 
 "Fourier propounded no such plan nor even theory 1 as is here attributed to 
 
488 APPENDIX. 
 
 him as a part of his system of Association." " No such passage as the Ob 
 server quotes is contained in any of his translated works, so we necessarily 
 depend on the testimony of others to sustain us in saying the passage out of 
 which it has been made, is given by the author as conjectural and hypothetical 
 only, just as there are in his multifarious writings theories of Cosmogony, of 
 Life in the Sun and various Planets, the production of beings on one by the 
 influence of other Planets, &c. &c. All these, like the kindred reveries of 
 Swedenborg, may be very extravagant and absurd, or may not, for aught we 
 care." 
 
 But when the evidence was produced by the editor of the Buffalo Com 
 mercial that the passage was literally translated, word for word from one of 
 Fourier s books, in which he is treating of the blessed and beautiful state of 
 things which will prevail when his system is established, then the Tribune 
 Editor says that he "has never seen the book! Nothing but the profligacy of 
 Fourierism could furnish a parallel to this. First he denies that Fourier ever 
 propounded any such theory, and when it is produced, admits that he has 
 never seen the book which he defends ! 
 
 But where shall we go to find testimony to the principles of Fourier which 
 this man will not impeach ? When we quote from the ablest expositors of 
 the system, he denies that Association is responsible for the opinions of indi 
 viduals. When we copy from Fourier, he says that the passages are "con 
 jectural and hypothetical only." Who will tell us what Fourier did believe 
 on the subject of female purity? Let us ask the Tribune Editor himself. In 
 his paper of Saturday last, he says : 
 
 " Fourier, living in an age and city where Libertinism was the rule and 
 Purity the exception, a lonely, joyous, keenly observing man, deeply impressed 
 with the conviction that whatever God has created or appointed must be good, 
 and a witness of the miseries which the hypocrisy, jealousy and radical false 
 hood now induced in society by restraints on sexual desire so ostentatiously 
 proclaimed and (in Paris especially) so commonly disregarded, fell into the 
 great mistake of supposing that Inconstancy is not the result of false or de 
 ficient training, and that Chastity is not the dictate of unperverted Nature in 
 every human and especially in every woman s soul. Here are persons who 
 seem inherently inclined to Inconstancy, is his idea; if God has so made 
 them, Man cannot change them. Let us recognize the fact, and separate 
 them into a class, which shall be governed by laws adapted to their actual 
 condition. To treat them as utterly depraved outcasts will only aggravate 
 the evils we would eradicate. " 
 
 There is nothing in Brisbane, or Godwin, or Fourier which more clearly 
 develops the doctrine of Fourierism than this. We have charged just this 
 and no more as the "teachings of Fourier." Here we are told that Fourier, a 
 " lonely, joyous man," a witness of the miseries of society "induced by re 
 straints on sexual desire," provided a system to meet the case. But the 
 Editor, now that the fact can no longer be denied, admits that his master 
 taught these vile doctrines, but he declares that he himself does not receive 
 them. He says, 
 
 "All that need be said then of Fourier s speculations respecting a far future 
 condition in which Incontinence should be recognized and legislated for, is 
 just this they were wholly erroneous. We have never seen them alluded 
 to by a friend of Association but to dissent from them." 
 
 To this we oppose his own declaration over his own name attached to the 
 Prospectus of the Sylvanian Association. Here it is : 
 
 " The Sylvanians reject nothing of Fourier s teachings" 
 
 HORACE GREELET, Treasurer. 
 
APPENDIX. 489 
 
 And if this is not enough, he adds in the same paragraph, 
 
 " After thus delivering themselves from the evils and depressing influences 
 which surround and overwhelm the great mass of their brethren, and thus 
 pointing out to all the means of emancipation, they will be able to proceed 
 with the study of the more metaphysical and speculative parts of Fourier s doc~ 
 trine, and to the application of these, as well as the teachings of all other philo 
 sophers, sages, and preachers of righteousness, to their own upbuilding in 
 the ways of Truth, Wisdom, and Love." 
 
 It is certainly no pleasure to us to annihilate in this manner every " refuge 
 of lies" behind which these men take shelter, but it must be done, and the 
 work is only just begun! 
 
 It will be perceived that this apologist often speaks of the reign of Fourier- 
 ism as "a far future" in "generations yet to come," &c. &c., as if this should 
 quiet all apprehension. But is it any apology for the vileness of a bad sys 
 tem that it will take years to establish if? Have we no duty to perform for 
 those who come after us, a^d shall we be lulled to silence, by the pretence 
 that three or four, or even " seven" periods must elapse before perfect liberty 
 will be perfect law? Instead of this, it is the part of wisdom and common 
 prudence to strangle the monster in the cradle, and save posterity from the 
 fangs of a serpent now in training to poison and destroy them. Christians believe 
 that in a day "far future" the knowledge of God will fill the earth, and every 
 man will love his neighbor as himself; and Christians are responsible for the 
 doctrines they believe and teach to hasten that blessed day. Fourierites be 
 lieve that in a day far future, the decrees of the heart will be the rule for the 
 intercourse of the sexes, and perfect liberty will be perfect law, and Fourier 
 ites are responsible for the doctrines they believe and teach to hasten that day. 
 
 But to proceed. In his paper of July 18, in replying to the passage already 
 alluded to from Fourier, where he speaks of the number of women each man 
 may have in Association, the Fourier advocate says that, 
 
 " The passage out of which it has been made, is given by the author as 
 conjectural and hypothetical only, just as there are in his multifarious writings 
 theories of Cosmogony, of Life in the Sun and various Planets, the produc 
 tion of beings on one by the influence of other Planets, &c. &c. All these, 
 like the kindred reveries of Swedenborg, may be very extravagant and absurd, 
 or may not, for aught we care." 
 
 Read this again, and observe that we have now driven the Fourierites to 
 admit that these were the real sentiments of Fourier, and if we can now show 
 that these theories and kindred reveries are actually regarded as part of the 
 subjects of study in Association, we have then completed the chain of evi 
 dence by which we fasten upon the New York Associationists, the charge of 
 seeking to propagate the most infamous system that was ever advocated in a 
 civilized land. We will now prove it. 
 
 The Fourierites are constantly maintaining that they are simply aiming at 
 a new industrial organization, which will secure an adequate reward to labor, 
 and banish want from the world. When we reach the subject of labor in 
 this discussion, we shall show the folly of that part of, the system, but now 
 we wish to expose the hypocrisy of the men who deny that Fourier s theories 
 of the passions, his cosmogony, &c., are any part of the objects which Asso 
 ciationists set before them. We will show that in the early period of the 
 introduction of the system into this country, the " industrial" order was pre 
 sented as the object, but "the time has now come to make known the higher parts 
 of the system, the theory of the passions, of cosmogony," &c. 
 
 In 1844, Albert Brisbane was sent to France by the American Association 
 ists. The object and result of his mission will be learned from the following 
 
490 APPENDIX. - 
 
 report which he made on his return. We might content ourselves by extract 
 ing a single passage of it, which we mark in italics, but we should be charged 
 with unfairness in quotation, and so we give the whole report. It is, as a 
 whole, an important item of the history of this Fourier movement. 
 
 "TO THE ASSOCIATIOJflSTS OF THE UlflTED STATES. 
 
 "After an absence of eight months from the United States, I arrived here 
 from Europe on the 19th of December, having accomplished, with complete 
 satisfaction, the object for which I visited France, the birthplace of FOUHIER. 
 
 "You are aware that I was delegated by the General Convention of the 
 Associationists, held in New York last spring, to proceed to France to confer 
 with the friends of the cause in that country, and to study the manuscripts 
 left by FOURIER, and obtain all the knowledge possible upon the higher 
 scientific parts of our doctrine. I cannot express too strongly my obligations 
 to our friends in Europe, for their cordial receptftn and the facilities afforded 
 me for accomplishing the object of my mission. 
 
 "Mr. Doherty, the scientific propagator of the cause in England, passed the 
 summer in Paris, and gave a deeply interesting course of lectures upon the 
 results of his studies of the science of Universal Unity, founded by Fourier. 
 
 " The primary object of my visit was to study and obtain copies of Fourier s 
 MSS.: and in this I succeeded fully. Our noble friend. Victor Considerant, 
 the leader of the movement in France, and with whom the MSS. are depo 
 sited, permitted me to take copies for the use of the American school, of every 
 thing that was new and important. I passed six months in Paris, employed 
 incessantly in the work of examining and copying these precious documents, 
 and employed a person constantly for three months in writing. The MSS. 
 left by Fourier are very voluminous : they consist of about one hundred bound, 
 and three large portfolios, containing unbound ones, and isolated sheets. The 
 bound ones contain from 100 to 150 pages each, and are the most important. 
 
 " These MSS. were written during the entire course of Fourier s studies and 
 researches upon the great problems of human destiny and social reorganiza 
 tion. Those in the portfolios were written, as far as I could judge, between 
 the years 1803 and 1812; the bound ones subsequent to the year 1816. 
 From the latter were extracted Fourier s great works of Universal Unity and 
 The New Industrial World, published in 1822 and 1830. 
 
 "The MSS. are of the greatest value and of indispensable necessity to those 
 who wish to obtain a higher and more complete knowledge of those great 
 scientific problems of Man s Destiny on earth, social unity, &c., which interest 
 so deeply the Associative School. They contain important developments of 
 Fourier s method of investigation, and of the principles which he applied in 
 solving problems of all orders, from the highest to the lowest, from the im 
 mortality of the soul to the simplest questions in natural science. With the 
 aid of these principles, and by the application of talent and perseverance, the 
 Associative School can continue in the great career of investigation in the 
 domain of undiscovered truths, and penetrate into the mysteries of Nature, so 
 few of which have been unfolded to the knowledge of man. 
 
 " A class will be formed of persons who have time and capacity to prosecute 
 the study of the MSS., and higher parts of Social Science, the result of whose 
 labors it will be a desire as well as duty, to make known to our friends. 
 Another thing which it is desirable to have done as early as possible, is the 
 translation and publication of Fourier s works ; this translation is in part 
 made, and if arrangements now in progress respecting a publication office for 
 all the writings of the school are completed, they will probably be published 
 
APPENDIX. 491 
 
 during the course of the present year. We have heretofore propagated princi 
 pally the practical and industrial parts of our doctrine; the time has now come 
 when it is necessary to make known the higher parts those parts relating to the. theory 
 of the passions and faculties of the soul; the theory of Cosmogony ; of the Immor 
 tality of the Soul; of the causes of Evil ; the material unity of the Globe, and other 
 great questions which are embraced in the science of Universal Unity. It is only com 
 plete knowledge that can fire the souls of men with an enthusiasm deep and abiding 
 enough to carry out the mighty movement in which we are embarked, and enable 
 them to build up that true and divine Social Order, which, unlike false civiliza 
 tion, shall shelter and protect all the children of men under its Providence. 
 
 "During my stay in Paris, I also obtained copies of the plans of the Edifices 
 of an Association, which had been made with great labor and at great ex 
 pense by the best architects in France, under the supervision of the school at 
 Paris, and in part of Fourier himself. They will be invaluable guides to 
 those Associations which are able to construct an edifice of a Unitary charac 
 ter upon a large scale. 
 
 " Before concluding, I have a few words to say upon practical trials of Asso 
 ciations. From the past year s study and observation, I am convinced that 
 the organization of an Association is a thing of great difficulty, and that it 
 requires, 1st, a very thorough and minute knowledge of the system far more 
 than is possessed by the great body of the Associationists ; 2d a sufficient 
 amount of capital, to give to industry a good organization, without which the 
 mechanism of the Groups and Series of Groups cannot be applied ; and 3d 
 men and women who, in spite of all the selfish influences of society upon 
 them, have preserved warm social sympathies and generous impulses toward, 
 their fellow-beings. The love of the neighbor exists at present only as an 
 exception in the hearts of a few, although it is destined, under a true Social 
 Order, to exist in the hearts of all. But as it does not and cannot exist to any 
 great extent in incoherent civilization, those in whom it may be found must 
 be united to carry through the painful process of organizing Associations, 
 which process forms a transitional period, full of difficulties. 
 
 " I would advise our friends throughout the country, who design establishing 
 associations, to consult well beforehand with the old friends of the cause in 
 New York and Boston, who have had time and opportuniny to study the 
 science. By this means, they may save themselves a great deal of trouble, or 
 a failure, and the cause from reproach. A. BRISBANE. 
 
 "New York, Feb. 1846." 
 
 In this document, it appears that the translation and publication of Fourier s 
 manuscripts are to be secured, and the victims of association are to be inducted 
 into the higher parts of his theory, when the Sylvanians will of course be 
 able " to proceed with the study of the more metaphysical and speculative 
 parts of Fourier s doctrine, and to the application of those to their own up 
 building in the ways of truth, wisdom and love." 
 
 Revolution in the present " Industrial" system is therefore only the first 
 step, but the grand object of the Fourierites of this city is to establish " com 
 munities" where there shall be no restraint on the passions, where woman 
 shall feel no dependence on man for support, but shall have perfect liberty of 
 body, and in the words of a cotemporary, whose " lust shall be reduced to a 
 science, and its enjoyment supreme." We have demonstrated these facts by 
 the most irrefragable proof, and in leaving this part of the subject, we submit 
 the testimony to be canvassed by the Christian world. 
 
492 APPENDIX. 
 
 The following article is worthy of being transferred in full into our columns. 
 It is one of many that are now appearing in various parts of the country, 
 showing that the public mind is aroused on the subject. 
 
 From the Buffalo Commercial Advertiser, ( Whig) 
 
 FOUKIEB.ISM. The New York Observer, long and widely known as one of 
 the ablest religious papers of the country, has undertaken to show up Fourier- 
 ism in its moral aspects. The writer proceeds to his task with a cool, steady 
 hand, like one who is intimately conversant with the subject, and promises to 
 make thorough work with it. In the Observer for Saturday last, he thus speaks 
 of the licentiousness of Fourierism : 
 
 " We have now to present a paragraph from the writings of Fourier, in which 
 he is describing the manner of life in the new social order which he proposes. 
 He is speaking of the state of things as if his plans were already in operation, 
 and he says : 
 
 "A wife may have at the same time a husband of whom she has two 
 children ; 2. A genitor, by whom she has but one child ; 3. A favorite, who 
 has lived with her, and preserved the title ; and further simple possessors, 
 who are nothing before the law. This gradation of title establishes a great 
 courteousness and great fidelity to the engagement. Men do the same to their 
 divers wives. This method prevents completely the hypocrisy of which 
 marriage is the source. Misses would by no means be degraded for having 
 had gallants, because they had waited before they took them to the age of 
 eighteen. They would be married without scruple, as a widow with children 
 is married. **** Our ideas of the honor and virtue of women are but preju 
 dices, which vary with our legislation. " 
 
 To the article in the Observer, from which we have made this extract, the 
 Tribune replies at great length, and in relation to the above quotation from 
 Fourier, which it does not give, but only refers to, the Tribune says : 
 
 " Now the knavery of this pretended citation of his theory, his plan, &c. 
 &c., has already been fully exposed to the public. Fourier propounded no 
 such plan 1 nor even theory as is here attributed to him as a part of his system 
 of association. He expressly declared, as have his followers after him, that all 
 questions regarding marriage and the relations of the sexes should be settled 
 by the ministers of religion and the women of a nobler and purer era, and that 
 meantime existing institutions should be sustained. This is his theory and 
 his plan. No such passage as the Observer quotes is contained in any of 
 his translated works, so we necessarily depend on the testimony of others to 
 sustain us in saying that the passage out of which it has been made is given 
 by the author as conjectural and hypothetical only, just as there are in his 
 multifarious writings theories of cosmogony, of life in the sun and various 
 planets, the production of beings on one by the influence of other planets, &c. 
 &c." 
 
 We have no desire to aid in hurrying the Tribune s cattle, but we like to 
 see fair play, and while reading the above quasi denial of the Tribune that 
 Fourier had propounded any such plan as the Observer imputed to him, we 
 had a dim recollection of reading, some years ago, precisely this plan in 
 Fourier s works : and turning to his " Theorie des Quatre Mouvemens et des Des- 
 tinees Generates," which is a sort of summing up of what he anticipates as the 
 result of a recognition of his doctrines, we found the following. The first ex 
 tract will be found on page 169, under the head of " Methode d union des sexes 
 en septieme periode :" 
 
APPENDIX. 493 
 
 " On tablit divers grades dans les unions amoreuses ; les trois principaux 
 sont: 
 
 Les favor is et favorites en litre. 
 Les geniteurs et genitrices. 
 Les epoux et epouses. 
 
 " Les derniers doivent avoir au moins deux enfans 1 un de 1 autre, les seconds 
 n en ont qu un, les premiers n en ont pas. Ces titres donnent aux conjoints 
 des droits progressifs sur une portion de 1 heritage respectif. 
 
 "Une femme peut avoir a la fois, l.oun epoux dont elle a deux enfans; 2, 
 o. un geniteur dont elle n a qu un enfant ; 3 o. un favori qui a vecu avec elle 
 et conserve le litre: plus, de simples possesseurs qui ne sont rien devant la 
 loi. Celle gradalion de lilres etablit une grande courtoisie et une grande 
 fidelite aux engagemens. Une femme peut refuser le litre de geniteur a un 
 favori donl elle esl enceinle : elle peul dans les cas de mecontentement, re 
 fuser ainsi a ces divers hommes le tilre superieur auquel ils aspirenl. Les 
 homines en agissenl de meme avec leurs diverses femmes. Celle methode 
 previent compleiemenl 1 hypocrisie dont le mariage esl la source." 
 
 On page 180, he says, "en these generate ;" 
 
 " Les progres sociaux el changemens de periode s operent en raison du pro 
 gres des femmes vers la liberie ; et les decadences d ordre social s operent en 
 raison du decroissemenl de la liberte des femmes." 
 
 And again : 
 
 " En resume, Textension des privileges des femmes est le principe general 
 de tous progres sociaux." 
 
 On page 193, we find ihe following : 
 
 " Les Demoiselles ne seraient aucunement degradees pour avoir eu des 
 amans, puisqu elles auraienl altendu pour en prendre, Tage de 18 ans exige 
 par les lois. On les epouserail sans plus de scrupule qu on n en a d epouser 
 une veuve qui a des enfans. Si c est un affront que d etre second possesseur 
 en mariage, pourquoi les hommes sont ils si friands d epouser une veuve riche, 
 et se charger de Teducation des enfans d autrui; enfans qui peuvenl provenir 
 de differens peres, si la veuve a ete galante ?" 
 
 Those who read French will perceive that the Observer has literally trans 
 lated Fourier s own words, deliberately expressed, though we have given 
 some extracts that the Observer has not seen fit lo Iranslate. Objeclionable 
 and disgusting as this is, il is due lo ihe cause of juslice and virlue thai ihe 
 whole should be staled, that those partially templed lo embrace ihe iheories 
 of Fourier, so plausibly and seduclively set forth by iheir advocates, under Ihe 
 guise of philanlhropy and a higher, purer morality, may know whither all 
 these things tend. These conclusions of the master have been withheld from 
 ihe public, or have been so covertly insinuated as not to excile alarm ; but 
 when Ihe disciples are prepared for farlher revelalions, Ihe whole scheme in 
 all its enormity will be unfolded. 
 
 The Tribune says, ; Fourier expressly declared, as have his followers after 
 him, thai all questions regarding marriage, and the relations of the sexes, 
 should be setlled by ihe ministers of religion and women of a nobler and purer 
 era." What is meant by this phrase, " nobler and purer era," and how Fourier 
 recommends lhat marriage and the sexual relations shall be setlled, can be 
 seen by ihe above extracts from his writings, and the Iranslation therefrom by 
 the Observer. The Fourieritish work now going on in this country is ihe 
 necessary preparalion for ihe blissful era, when lust shall be reduced to a 
 science, and its dominion be supreme. It cannol be lhal ihe editor of ihe 
 Tribune, with all his advocacy of Fourierism, has ever studied it to its end, 
 
494 APPENDIX. 
 
 or has been admitted farther than the portals of a theory that contemplates 
 such vile and monstrous conclusions. He would recoil with horror from such 
 a society as Fourier proposes. But there are those who. in their advocacy of 
 the system, cannot plead ignorance. They know it but too well, and with 
 the wile of a serpent, are insinuating its poison into the very heart of the 
 people. We owe an apology to our readers for spreading such details before 
 them, but when we find the writings of George Sand commended for their 
 moral tone by prints of wide spread circulation and influence, and regular 
 missions planned for disseminating Fourierism throughout the land, it is time 
 the subject were met and exposed by the press. 
 
 " THE VESTIGES OF CREATION." 
 
 NOTE K. Since writing this work, the author had the happiness to attend 
 the lectures of Prof. Agassiz, delivered in New York, and the following is 
 his opinion of a work of which it is reported twenty-five thousand copies 
 were sold on its appearance. So much does the world love any theory, how 
 ever false, if it be but specious, which goes to overthrow the inspiration of 
 the Scriptures. The citizens of New York were all alive to hear what the 
 professor would say to the (to most of them) New Theory of Development. 
 And not a few were in dismay ,when the following sentence was delivered 
 by the professor in his sixth lecture, which at once demolished all their hopes 
 of his confirming them in their belief that the Bible was a fable. 
 
 Doct. Houston, reporter for the United States, whose accuracy is unques 
 tioned, reported these lectures, which were published at the time in the New 
 York Tribune. In referring to the theory, new- vamped for the admiration of 
 the would-be pantheists of our day, the professor said : 
 
 "These views, to which I shall recur when I come to speak of the position 
 of Man in Nature, and of his relations to the Animal Kingdom, disagree en 
 tirely with the views, and have not the slightest alliance with the views, of 
 a work which is very much spoken of, but which I consider entirely unworthy 
 of notice by any serious, scientific man, because it is made up of old fashioned views 
 which have been before the notice of the public for half a century by the French 
 school, and are supported only by antiquated assertions, and by no means by facts, 
 scientifically ascertained. 
 
 " It must be owing to some particular circumstance that this work has been so 
 much noticed, because really it is not worthy a critical examination by a serious, 
 scientific man" P. S. 
 
 THE END. 
 
TO THE READERS OF PETER SCHLEMIHL. 
 
 THIS work has been printed in a distant city, and the Author has had no 
 opportunity to do more than to read the first proof sheets, unaided by his 
 manuscript. There are some few errors in the sheets as printed, which have 
 either escaped his notice or the correction of the press. These, however, it 
 is hoped, will readily be corrected in the reading. 
 
 The papers forming the Appendix will satisfy the readers of Peter 
 Schlemihl that there has been no exaggeration in treating of the subjects to 
 which they refer. 
 
 THE AUTHOR. 
 
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