LIBRARY 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF 
 CALIFORNIA 
 
 SAN DIEGO j
 
 BOONASTIEL 
 
 A VOLUME OF LEGEND, STORY AND SONG 
 
 IN 
 
 44 
 
 Pennsylvania Dutch" 
 
 BY 
 
 T. H. HARTER 
 
 Editor and Proprietor of 
 
 'THE KEYSTONE G4ZETTE" 
 
 BELLEFONTE, PA. 
 
 1904
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1904, by 
 
 T. H. HARTER, 
 In the office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.
 
 PREFACE 
 
 THE articles contained in this volume were published 
 from time to time, in the Middleburgh (Pa.) Post, of which 
 I was editor until 1894. and since then in the KEYSTONE 
 GAZETTE, Bellefonte, Pa., under the heading of "Brief Fum 
 Hawsa Barrick," addressed to myself as "Liever Kernel 
 Harder" and signed "Gottlieb Boonastiel." At first they 
 were written for personal amusement, and appeared only 
 occasionally, but I soon found them so essential to the pros- 
 perity of my paper that, in order to keep up its circulation, 
 I was compelled to write every week, and now have a great 
 number of letters on file, out of which I have selected the 
 substance that composes this volume. 
 
 Although there are several volumes of poetry in this 
 language, I believe this to be the first one in prose of this 
 people, whose language, customs, and traditions are peculiar 
 to themselves, and who are rapidly passing away. Al- 
 though this blood, as one writer has conceded, is the best 
 strength of nearly three million Pennsylvanians, and of 
 something like a million more in other States, there remain 
 but a few thousand families of the old unchanged stock. 
 The rest, through inter-marriage and long association with 
 the dominant race, have lost their peculiarities, and are in- 
 distinguishable from them, unless it be by reason of their 
 greater patience, confidence and steadfastness of purpose.
 
 4 PREFACE. 
 
 That this volume may assist in perpetuating the mem- 
 ory of the Pennsylvania Germans, and by its combination 
 of fun and philosophy, peculiar to the language, correct the 
 wrong and strengthen the right, to the end that it may 
 stimulate noble thoughts and actions and lead to honor, 
 success and happiness, is the earnest wish and prayer of the 
 author. 
 
 T. H. HARTER. 
 
 BELLEEONTE, Penn'a.
 
 Choice Selections Fum Boonastiel 
 
 MY LEVA'S LAWF. 
 
 'Ein bissel unsin don und won 
 Is onganame by yadem mon." 
 
 Liever Kernel Harder: 
 
 Kensht du mich ? Ich bin der Boonastiel ! Dale leit 
 sawga ich ware net gons recht g'scheit. Ferleicht bin ich 
 aw net. Ich bin ewa so gabora un cons net helfa, awer 
 'sis en oldt shprich-wardt os "de kinner un de norra sawga 
 de woreheit." Kiel leit hen shunt long gawunered ware ich
 
 6 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 bin un ich hob mere fore-ganumma dos ich se nimmy 
 lenger im dunkela holdta will un ich bin miff tzu'm pickter- 
 maucher un hob mich ob-nemma lussa. My glseder sin net 
 was se si setta, awver my dawdy hut als 'gsawt: "Besser 
 en shtickly brote im sock dos we en fetterly uff em hute." 
 My shtiffel blicka de tsaee, awver de Polly sawgt es ware 
 g'sunter im house won ich se ols ob nemma do ovets 
 so long os my tzae luft hen dorrich der dawg. My hussa 
 sin dorrich der greek gemaucht warre. De grose-mutter hut 
 se ous flox gamaucht un hut de brech-ogela net oil rous 
 ganumma, un won du in dime lava warickena hussa ga- 
 wora husht don waisht du we dihenkers os se grotsa doona. 
 My ruck is uff de oldt General Jackson shtyle und is en 
 negel-rupper. My hute wore amohl en shtitsa hute, awver 
 sidder os de Betz Hullerheck sich druff g'hucked hut on der 
 schnitzing gooked are we en tzomma gadoublede accordeon. 
 Es hut mich base gamaucht un ich hob era g'sawt se het 
 wissa kenna os der hoot se net fit on sellem end. 
 
 Dail leit hen aw shunt g'frogt woo ich woon un woo ich 
 hare shtom. Ich bin en soo fum Grishtuffel Boonastiel. 
 Are wore en grosser mon in sinera tzeit wore en melitz 
 officer om badolia, un wore dri mohl en jury-mon hinner- 
 nonner-noach. Are hut on ma greitz-wake gawooned os se 
 erne noach g'hresa hen. Der greitz-wake is nuch dart. Ich 
 wore gabora we ich gons yung wore un bin so uff gawoxa 
 mit em onera fee. We ich uff eld wore bin ich uff my 
 agner hook gonga un hob rinna fum bar rick g'schlaifed 
 mitera uxa fuhr. Der drit dawg is es mere ferlaid, de uxa 
 sin mer shtridich warra un ich hob nimmy g'wist we se 
 hame greega. Endlich hov ich .en patent-recht invent far 
 de uxa gae maucha. Ich hob mere en grosser dishtla-shtuck 
 greeked un bin uff der soddle-ux gagroddled. Derno hov 
 ich mich tzrick galawned uff erne, hob si schwontz uff g'hova 
 un hob dare shtuck shse drunner galaiged. Ich con dere nix 
 feel wider fartzaela. Ich wase os mere der barrick nunner 
 sin os we en gwidder-shtrawl. De hecka un de greena donna 
 hen my glaeder in shliverra un fetza fun mere garissa un
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 7 
 
 endlich bin ich umechtichrwarra und bin runner g'folla. De 
 uxa sin fart un ich denk se sin nuch om gae. 
 
 We ich tzoo cooma bin wore ich in ma house im bed un en 
 shge, schwartz-awgich, rhode-bockich maidel hut de micka 
 fun mere g'holda. Ich hob g'frogt wos es gevva het. Se 
 hut g'sawt de uxa wara dorrich gonga mit mere un hetta 
 mere wse gadoo. Ich hob grawd on der dishtla shtuck ga- 
 denked. Derno hov ich g'sawd: 
 
 "Woo bin ich un ware bisht du ?" 
 
 Du bisht in der \Vildfraw Shively era house un ich bin 
 era duchter." 
 
 Kernel, sell wore my arshte meeting mit der Polly, a-iver 
 net de ledsht. Du waisht's iwerich. 
 
 Mere woona now om Hawsa Barrich, im Hullerbeera 
 township, United States of Columbia. Won ebber mich 
 finna will don gaid are ons Hullerhecka wartz-house un fun 
 dart findt are en gooter pawd naiva om barrick nuff bis 
 on unser house. Hs con nemond der pawd farfaela wiles full 
 farbruchena buddla naiva hare leit. 
 
 GOTTLIEB BOONASTIEL. 
 
 EN SHIL-GRUT. 
 
 EN shil-grut. Husht se shunt badrocht? We wooner 
 shse is se gamaucht. Se is ken fish, ken fugle un ken fee. 
 Se con lawfa, schwimma un shpringa, un es besht fun oil, 
 se con era mowl tsoo holda. Se hut fier bae un olla bae 
 hut en nawma shil-grut, dril-shut, tud-mortal un snorting- 
 tapper. Won en fodder ae house hut far yades fun sina 
 kinner don is are reich g'hesesa, un duch is de shil-gruit 
 feel besser ob wile se gebora is mit eram house uff em buckel 
 un en shenner house os mensha hond arshoffa con. Des 
 house holdt se so long as se laebt, un ken lawyer con en 
 mortgage druff greega, un ken shreef cons era forkawfa. 
 Es kusht se ken rent, ken tox un ken insurance. Es is fire, 
 wasser un burglar-proof. Won de soon shined con se's usa 
 far en umbarell, wons dunnert un regered tzeeked se era kup
 
 8 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 un bae ni un is perfectly drooka. Se hut net feel tsu sawga 
 awer hucked im fens-eck en gonser dawg un farvviled sich 
 mit era agena gadonga. Won se gaed hoonda don nembt se 
 era house mit sich un hut olsfart era aega bed far drin 
 snlofa. Won en mick derwake coomed fongt se se, nembt 
 se ins house un frest se oil uff amohl. Sie branch net shoffa. 
 In fact se is en loafer awver se batzawled era arlicha 
 shoolda un- wase won tsu schwetsa. Se hut gor wooner- 
 bawr feel advantages ivver der mensch. Won ebber coomed 
 se b'soocha os se net gleicht don con se usht era kup ni 
 tzeega, de deer shleesa, un nemond wase os se dehame is. 
 Wons house-butsa aw-gaid don con se sich eishleesa bis de 
 fraw fardich is shelda un derno con se rouse cooma un saena 
 we shae os olles ga-wiseled is. Won en g'suffner mon 
 coomed un laeged era ous we boll os are si tzeidung batzawla 
 daid don con se usht ins house gse un worda bis are era es 
 geld unich de naws sheebt. Won se in de karrich gaid un 
 der shtore-keeper, woo da awrma leit fartzse ounce tzooker 
 tsu der poond gebt, fongt si fartzich yord gabade aw woo 
 are shunt fartzich yohr nimmy gawexeled hut, dun con se 
 usht era kup ei-tzeega, der shlissel draya un shloafa gae 
 bis se es Sockdolligy singa. Won se der foreshtayer saed 
 cooma mit em glingle-seckly don con se usht der kup ei- 
 tzeega un aw-lussa os won se net dahame ware bis are 
 farby is, un won se im shtettle is uff en Soondawg un de 
 boova un maid cooma fun der shool un maena se wista olles 
 un wissa duch net ga-nunk far sich tsu bahaefa in resh- 
 pectably society, don con se era kup ei-tzeega un heila un 
 neemond con saena de draena cooma. 
 
 Yaw, in fiel waega hut de shil-gruft der fore-tzook 
 ivver der mensch. Se brouch ken millner, ken Schneider 
 un ken sho-maucher bill batawla, gsed bloot-keppich, 
 bawr-feesich un gons nockich es yohr room un duch wardt 
 se net kold. Se agened de gons weldt un setzed era hause
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 9 
 
 onna \voo se will. Se wardt uftmohls en hoonert yohr oldt 
 wile se ken ducter-shtuft nembt, un won se schtarrebt don 
 lust se era house doh, awver es tzeeked nemond mae ni. Se 
 maucht ken willa un lust de lawyer es tswa-banich fee melka. 
 Se lust sich net fargrawva awver wardt bis de u-mensa se 
 ous em house drawga, un waega dar naixta weldt bekimmert 
 se sich net wile se usht frogt far gae-galust warra. 
 
 Mer con feel fun der shil-grut Iserna. Se coomed in 
 ken shtride un lust yader ebber gae. Se wase net woo se 
 hare cooma is un woo se onna gait, awver de wile os se doh 
 is broveered se es besht do os se con, settled era accounts 
 uff we se gaid iin attend shtrictly tsu era agena bisniss. 
 
 DE LEIT WOO OLSFARDT G'HARED SI WELLA. 
 
 HUSHT du in dime Iseva en engine examined? Won 
 du husht, husht du ocht gevva os de glaena redder woo de 
 machine driva es wennicht yocht maucha? Es flyrawd dess 
 broomed un blossed un schlocked room un mer maned es 
 daid es gons ding im gong holda, un duch daids ken tzol 
 moo fa wons net w-are fer de glaena, shtilla redlin unch der 
 engine os mer shier net sana con, un os olles mit schmutz 
 farschmeared sin. 
 
 So is es mit da leit. Won en movement g'shtart wardt 
 don sin olsfart a dale os es bloosa doona, fleega room, un 
 maucha en fuss os won se de gons machine wara un 
 de fact is, se doona gons wenich oony se hen era seek galined 
 mit goode pay for olla move os se gamuched hen. Se 
 managa os alsfart era nawma far da leit is eb se es hara 
 wella oder net. Se kenna's denk ich net helfa. Es is en 
 gronkheit os se hen far wolfly notoriety, un ich denk es daid 
 se dote maucha won nemond ena helfa daid era reputation 
 uff holda. 
 
 Du konsht der unershit sana on der grick. Woos 
 wosser deef is harsht do ken yocht. Dart is woo de grossa 
 fish Ha. Derno gae on en riffle un dart harsht do awver en 
 yocht. Doh is es wosser din un du finsht doh de suckers.
 
 IO CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Nem en barl un fills mit sond un mils en hivvel min- 
 er. Doh harst ken yocht. Xem derno der sond rouse 
 un do a pawh walniss ni un du mainst der divel ware lose 
 gabrucha won du's der hivvel nunner rulsht. 
 
 Es is net der mon woo der grose racket mauched os 
 de feel aravvet doot. Es is der shtill mon woo net de 
 tzeit hut far si nawma tsu schpotseera far da leit os de 
 bisiness doot. Der mon wo arlich, uff-richtich un hard- 
 schoffish is brouch si nawma net adfertised greega. Are 
 adfertised sich server. Seller man shoft far character. 
 Der onner shoft far reputation. Es is en grosser unner- 
 shit g'schwisha character un reputation. Character is 
 wos en mon really is. Reputation is, wos de leit maena os 
 are is. An ounce character is mse wardt os en kar-load 
 reputation, un en mon os mae concerned is in sinera repu- 
 tation os in sime character dem konsht du net drowa noch 
 tzae uhr in der nocht. \Yon en mon ga-tempt is far lets 
 doo un are gooked dere ins awk un sawked: "Ich kons net 
 doo. Es is net recht," don nembt der divel en hinera sitz. 
 Sell is character. Won are awver sawked, "Ich darfs net 
 do, ich ware ous-g'funna," don look out! Seller is bong 
 far si reputation, un won der wake clear ware os are net 
 ous-g'funna daid wara don daid are de guldna benner 
 shtsela on der Himmel's deer un der naixt Soondawg wid- 
 der es nochtmohl nemma we en general. 
 
 Awer so is de weldt. Es nembt olla sort leit far se 
 filla, un es sin about fartzich per cent, schlechta in der lot, 
 awver fun olla denna schlechta baheed dich fum mon os si 
 nawma peddled os we en pohawna si schwontz olsfardt in 
 der hae won are denked os ebber gooked.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. II 
 
 DE MAID SIN WE GvENA FISH. 
 
 ICH wore der miner dawg drows farella fisha un ich 
 hob ebbes g'sasna os mich ordlich hardt denke hut 
 maucha. Es wora dri farella in ma luch. Tswa glsena un 
 en grosse. De grose, denk ich wore de mommy fun 
 da tswa glsena. Se hut anyhow ocht gevva uff se os we 
 en mooder doot uff era kinner. We ich ons luch cooma bin 
 sin se drin room g'shussa os we wedder-laicha. Ich hob 
 mich hinich en bluck g'hucked un gawardt bis se sich widder 
 g'settled he un derno hov ich my fly uffs wosser g'schmissa. 
 Anes fun da glaena is bletzlich ruff cooma far de fly fonga, 
 awver se hut se farfailed. Now en fly is nix os a pawr hinkle 
 federa on en fish-ongle ga-bunna so os se gooked os we 
 en fetty oldte g'schmase mick. Gor nix goodes far fish tsu 
 fressa awver se gooka shae. Ich hob widder ni g'schmissa 
 un de oldt mommy is ruff cooma, de fly bagooked, un derno 
 widder shse tzurick un sich naiva era kinner g'hucked. Se 
 hut g'saena os es usht en humbuck is awver se hut gawist ous 
 arfawrung os es g'fareliche bisniss is far um selly fly room 
 foola, un ich hob se sana era kinner en lecture gevva. Se 
 hut, so hov ich g'tzailed, se ob-gaworndt, un ena ous galaiked 
 we easy os se in druvel cooma kenta won se net era finger 
 derfun holda daida. Se hen era tsu g'horriched mit so 
 grosser ochtum os ich ga-glawbed hob ich kent kens fun 
 ena fonga. Ich hob widder ni g'schmissa un es hut kens sich 
 forraked. Derno bin ich draw un hob en fly on my line os 
 gagooked hut we en erne. Sell hut de glana grawt uffrearich 
 g'mauched un se hen mit divel's g'wold draw wella, awver 
 de oldt wore now shure os es en hoax is un se is ovvich era 
 kinner room g'schwuma un era floosfeddera g'shddled 
 os won se orrisck excite ware. Ich hob saena de kinner mit 
 era mommy ariga os won se masna daida se wista besser, 
 os wons shawd ware so en grosse, fetty erne full hoonich 
 fardt gse lussa un es ware anyhow ken shawda far bro- 
 veera "so bots nix so shots nix." Ivver a wenich hut de 
 oldt mommy en onera wake nows gagooked, un so g'schwint
 
 12 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 os en wedder-laich is anes fun da glsena in de hse g'suhussa 
 un de naixt minnut wore se in mime korreb. De oldt farrel 
 hut ga-dobed os we en weedicher bull-hund, awver ich hob 
 grawt widder ni-g'schmissa un ivver a wennich coomed de 
 onner glas farrell ruff un ich hob era mowl ous-g'schlitzed 
 awver hob se net greeked. De mooder wore droverich. 
 Ae kind dote un es onner ga-gribbled, usht wile se g'maned 
 hen se wista mae os de mooder. 
 
 Ah, doh wore en lesson. Yunge maid sin di farella. 
 Se gooka far flies. De mooder sawked, "Gebt ocht, dare 
 mon is nix nutz. Si feddera sin shse awver si hartz is 
 shtawl. Are will eich usht fonga. Doh is g'fore, un 'ware 
 sich in de g'fore gebt coomed drin um.' Horriched now 
 lust ene gae." 
 
 "O mommy," sawga de maid, "are is so shae os en 
 engel un so sees os hoonich. Es con nix letz si far mit erne 
 awenich uff der shtrose room flirta. Dere sint tsu partick- 
 ler," un de wile os de mommy shlofed nemma se de ongel. 
 Won set net g 1 fonga warra don warra se anyhow gagribbled, 
 un era laeva end mit druvel un sorga. 
 
 Gebt ocht uff der mon woo shaena feddera waerdt for en 
 shtawla hartz tsu decka. 
 
 ES RODDA NESHT. 
 
 ICH hob shunt g'hard os rodda anonner de schwentz 
 ob fressa in kold wedder won era fooder ous-gebt, un ich 
 hob shunt uft gadenked os sell der foil is mit menscha. Doh 
 ons Hullerhecka wartzhouse is so an rodda-nesht. En gon- 
 ser winder hucka se hinnich em uffa un schwetza wsega 
 olles os awgaid. Ken weips-mensch is sowver os de 
 shtrose lawfed, un won se shtuppa set un anes fun da rodda 
 friendlich bawilcooma don sin gli en holb dotzent uff era 
 g'shpoor. Won en monskarl net tsu da rodda kared awver 
 gaid sinera bisniss noach. batzawled si agener tox un 
 shoolda un enared si familia, don tzeega se en ob about 
 olla onera duwg. Won ols es free-yohr commed don gsena
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 13 
 
 de rodda ausanonner. Yader ebber is froh won ols der 
 summer coomed so os de rodda nows shpringa kenna in de 
 felder un awenich waetza somla far era familia. Won se 
 shoffa don schwetza se net so feel un de besser gloss fun 
 leit hen rue. 
 
 Ich wore der onner dawg om rodda nesht ins Huller- 
 hecka bar-shtoop. Dart wore der Mike Blotner, der 
 Bench Hess, der Jeck Hawnayarick, der Bill Michelroyer, 
 un der Sam Seeshuls. Se hen ivver yader ebber nows 
 g'mauched os der wake cooma is. Es wore ken goot 
 ward g'sawd far ken mensch nemond hut nix rechtes ga- 
 doo g'hot un yader ebber wore en keyune, en schpitz-boo, 
 en loomp un en raskel. Endlich hut der Mike Blotner 
 g'sawd : 
 
 "Ich wooner wos de leit waega uns sawga won mere 
 net derby sin?" 
 
 "Es woonered mich aw," hut der Bill Michelroyer 
 g'sawd. "Supposin' mere daida amohl unser agny opin- 
 ions expressa waega anonner ; grawd de pinklich woreheit 
 sawga waega nonner os we mer daida won mere net doh 
 warra." 
 
 "Well," hut der Sam Seeshols g'sawd, "Ich ware drin 
 derfore won nemond base daid warra." 
 
 "Never mind," hut der Bill Michelroyer g'sawd, 
 "mere fixa sell. Der arsht os base wart muss es uff-setza 
 fars house, un mar maucha der Gottlieb Boonastiel doh der 
 judge. Mer wissa oil unser schwach-heita, und es daid uns 
 goot cooma als ebmohl unser failer hara. Ich geb nix 
 droom un gae es arsht uff der shtand un derno will ich 
 hovva os der grawd rouse schwetzed. Hold nix tzurick. 
 Ich hob nix tsu farsheteckla un ware ga-wiss net base." 
 
 "All right," hut der Bench Hess g'sawd, "shtell dich 
 dart ins eck un horrich." 
 
 Der Bill is ins eck g'shtepped. 
 
 * * * * * * * 
 
 "Kensht du der Bill Mickelroyer ?" hut der Bench 
 g'rogt. 
 2
 
 14 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 "Yaw," sawgt der Mike Blotner, "se hasa ene ols eb- 
 mohls der Bulla-Royer, wile are amohl en bull g'shtola hut 
 un ene gamesht un farkawfed far si agener !" 
 
 "Sell is en leek !" hut der Bill ous em eck ga- 
 grisha. 
 
 "Toot, toot, Bill," hov ich g'sawd, "du farleersht de 
 drinks." 
 
 "D de drinks ! Sell shtand ich - - net !" 
 
 "Se sin usht in g'schposs." 
 
 "In g'schposs? Hoons boona ! Se sawga in g'schposs 
 was se in arnsht mana. Selly bulla shtory war fargessa un 
 se bricha now so older dreck net widder uff shtarra." 
 
 Ich hob ene endlich gadishtered greeked un der Jeck 
 Hawnayarick hut widder ow-g'fonga: 
 
 "Es wase neemond we der Bill si geld g'mauched 
 hut." 
 
 "Ich wase we are en hoonert un tswonsich dawler 
 g'mauched hut," sawked der Sam Sheeshuls. 
 "We?" 
 
 "Are hut's ga-collect far de karrich uff-fixa we are fore- 
 shtaer wore un hut's si laiva net ivver-draid." 
 
 Der Bill is on der wondt in die has g'shprunga os we en 
 maltee kotz won se de gichtera hut, un mit ame joomp 
 is are mere ivver my oxel nows un de naixt minnutt hut are 
 der Sam om hols g'hot. Se sin ivver dish, un shteel, un 
 benk nows garulled os we tswa wol-shtraimicha kawder, bis 
 endlich hut der Sam "ganunk" ga-grisha un mer hen se aus- 
 anonner. 
 
 Sell hut de experience meeting uff ga-bmcha im rodda- 
 nesht far seller dawg, un mer hen ous ga-maucht os yader 
 ebber hut arawet on sich selver tsu wesha won are si agener 
 karraber sowver holdta will. 
 
 MORAL: Won olla mensch si gonser lavens-lawf uff de 
 shtarn ga-drooked het don daida fiel leit era heet net ob in 
 der karrich.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 15 
 
 WO'S GEBTS MIT UXSERA BOOVA. 
 
 "Wos gebts mit unsera boova?" hut mich en oldter 
 freind g'frogt der onner dawg. "Se wara olla yohr schlech- 
 ter, un wons nuch a wile so fardt maucht gait olles ts'um 
 divel." ''Now, holdt amohl," hov ich g'sawd. "Denksht 
 du de weldt is shlechter un unser boova ma u-bennich dos 
 se wora we mere yung wora? Waisht du net we es wore 
 yohra tzurick. Won en arn ob tsu maucha wore, en shire 
 uff tsu shtella, odder en fendue im lond? Doh is es net 
 druff-ga-gooked warra tsu'm mon woo de besht larnung 
 hut g'hot, odder de shensht hond shriva hut kenna, awver 
 tsu'm mon woo der graisht bully wore un hut es mensht 
 drom drinka kenna. Olla wile won en karl fecht odder 
 wardt badrunka don doona de leit sich shia far eme un de 
 maid woo gooter fershtond hen gevva eme der henshing. 
 Meinsht du nuch we mere em Fridder Honsmike si arn ob 
 ga-maucht hen mit da oldta sichela we g'suffa os du worsht? 
 Of course du waisht nix derfun. Du worsht tsu g'suffa far 
 ebbes tsu wissa, awver we mere dich hame g'feared hen 
 husht du dinera mommy garoofa far cooma un dich ous der 
 growd soocha so os de onera hame gse kenta." Es hut em 
 oldta karl en farflompter ribba buffer gevva. Luss mich 
 dere sawga, des ga-bloose by denna oldta chaps we goot os 
 se wora is oil wind. Ich denk de goota boova sin oil 
 g'shtarva we se yung wora. Ich hob anyhow in mini laiva 
 ken lavendicher g'sana, awver ich lase fiiel fun ena in da 
 Soondawg Shool bicher. Ich denk se sin oil g'shtarva. Es 
 hut mich shunt uft ga-woonered dos ich so oldt bin worra. 
 
 De grose froge is, wos wella mere unser boova larna? 
 Mere missa se arsht farstay. Won aner goot is om gride 
 shneida un licorice-wasser maucha don set are es duckter 
 hond-warick larna, \von aner sawga con eb gile feel hovver 
 greega om misht don set are en veternary surgeon gevva, 
 won are charga con we olle sobberment un leega we der di- 
 henker don set are en lawyer gevva, won are laiva con we 
 en engel uff nix don set are es porra hond-warick larna,
 
 l6 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 un won are tsu schwach is far an bower, derno set are es 
 drooka larna. 
 
 De signs doona shier olsfart ous holda, a wake odder der 
 onner. Ich hob amohl en mon gakent dos si boo broveera 
 hut wella uff so en wake. Are hut der boo in en shtoop 
 g'schlussa woo nix wore os en Beevil, en obbel un en daw- 
 ler. In a pawr mimritta is are in de shtoop 'gonga. Are 
 hut si mind uff ga-maucht won der boo der obbel est don 
 date are an bower gevva, won are de Beevil laist don date 
 are en porra gevva, un won are der dawler ga-numma het 
 don daid are en banker gevva. We der fodder nei cooma 
 is hut der boo uff der Beevil g'hucked, der obbel gessa un 
 der dawler im sock g'hot. Seller boo hut en first-class poli- 
 tician gevva. 
 
 DE HO YET. 
 
 De hoyet is widder doh un in a pawr dawg hara mere 
 widder der reeper robbla. Es wore ols en grosse blesseer 
 yora tsurick un de hoyet wore ols en rechte frollick wile 
 fremmy leit uff de boweri cooma sin un mer hut en chance 
 g'hot far tsu ebber soonsht tsu schwetza onshtads de gile 
 un uxa. Doh sin ols de leit by cooma mit era sensa un sin 
 dorich der dick glae gabawda os es en rechter lusht wore. 
 Un wos karyose socha huts duch als gevva. Unich em 
 grossa shodda bawm om end fum feld hut de shtitz g'shtona 
 un won mer der deckel uff g'manched hut sin de hoyshreck 
 ni gajumped os won se aw drinka wetta. Naiva draw unich 
 ma wishly hoy wore de buddle mit em goota oldta drom. 
 Un wos wore sell aw drom ! Whew ! Es wore fum shtuft os 
 em in de bae gonga is un hut em shtarrick gevva, un kens fun 
 dem forty- rod rodda-gift wos em olla-weil de shoe-sola ob- 
 brendt un de tzae neggel ob-reised os wie en gwidder strawl. 
 Un wos hut mer schwitza kenna uff sell shtuft. Ah ! Oldter 
 shpeck! Es tzae uhr shtick un es middawg essa. Schwetz 
 wsega dina downsend dawler pianos un di finf downsend 
 dawler pipe organs ! Selly oldt dinner bell uff em weh-
 
 FUM BOONASTISI,. I? 
 
 house hut net ivver en dawler un a holva gakusht awer es 
 wore mx moosic in era os in der gonsa f ardihenkerta shoot- 
 in'-match os se now in era high-falootin karricha hen. Un 
 wos hut mer en obbadit g'hot ! Olles hut goot g'schmocked, 
 und ich daid now en gonser dawg fens maucha far usht 
 nuch en shtick fun sella karsha-boy odder leb-koocha woo de 
 mommy ols gabocka hut. Nochts hut mer en jollification 
 g'hot un harley ebbes g'shlofa, un morgets widder free on de 
 arawet un der gons dawg fardt g'shoft un harley on meed 
 wara gedenked. En holva dawler der dawg wore en gooter 
 loo, un de leit hen besser galaebed os se ollaweil doona. 
 Of course es hut net yader ebber en piona odder en organ 
 g'hot far de maid druff drooma de wile os de mommy 
 gamulka hut, awver de maid hen feel socha g'hot os se now 
 net hen un sell wore g'suntheit un rhoda bocka. Se wora dick 
 un fet un hen de gichtera net olla fier-un-tswonsich shtoond 
 greeked. Se hen evva sella-mohls net sich mit hoy-shtrick 
 ob gabunna os se gagooked hen we schwartze weshpa. De 
 boova wora tsu fritta uff der boweri un hen net oil ducter 
 un lawyer un porra si wella. Ollaweil won se amohl der 
 multiplication table sawga kenna don wella se shunt nimmy 
 uff der boweri bliva awver wella ins shtettle far tzooker 
 weega un uff em counter room hoopsa, un kit hensching un 
 shtand-up collars wara. 
 
 Yaw, de goota oldta tzeida sin farby. Si sin gonga mit 
 der reff-sense un der sichel. Now doot -der bower un si 
 knecht de bisniss. Olles is machinery. Der reeper doots 
 maya, der hoy-recha doots uff wind-roya un de hoy-govvel 
 nembts uff der shtoll. De hoyet fongt aw Moondawg mor- 
 gets, un by Somshdawg mitdawg is olles far-ivver un on 
 dri uhr hucked der bower shunt uff der longa porch ons 
 Hullerhecka un wardt far ebber cooma un ene haesa drinka. 
 Ich un der Billy Bixler hen usht der onner dawg der- 
 fum ga-hondled, un mere sin tsu der conclusion cooma en 
 mass meeting roofa fun da shoff-leit om Hawsa Barrick un 
 en shtrike declara. Mer sin willins on ma dawler der dwag 
 shoffa won der grook widder on der oldt blotz g'shtelt wardt,
 
 l8 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 odder tswae-un-a-holva won mere unser agner licker finna 
 missa. Yader ebber wase os ich anyhow nimmy shoffa daid 
 wile ich shunt tzae yohr om shtudia bin far along cooma oona 
 sell, awer ich daid en shtarnser gooter Bresldent maucha 
 wile ich en gooter schwetzer bin un con da leit mx sawga in 
 anera shtoond os se able sin tsu glavvva in ma gonsa yohr. 
 
 UFF EM KARRICH-HOFE. 
 
 ICH un de Polly sin em ledshta Soondawg owet nivver 
 uff der Hawsa Barrick karrich-hofe galuffa. Ich wore 
 nimmy druff g'west far tzae yohr un ich con dere sawga es 
 hut mere so laid gadoo de socha saena we se dart sin os 
 ich gawiss far a wile nimmy gse. 
 
 Du husht ols der oldt Billy Blotner gakent em Sam 
 Blotner si grose-dawdy? Husht net? Well, yader ebber 
 wase wos far en gooter aldter drup or are wore. Xemond 
 hut hoongers-note um ene room galidda so long os are ga- 
 laibed hut. Are hut en shasne boweri g'hot un duch is are 
 om end derfun by em shreef ous-farkawfed warra usht wile 
 are nemond nix refused hut so long os are ebbes g'hot hut 
 far sich selver. Feel leit hen advantage ga-numma fun 
 sime grossa hartz un hen erne socha ob-galoused bis are 
 selver nix g'hot hut. Derno hut are si boweri gamorgaged 
 tzu'm Sam Keisling. Der Sam wore anes fun sella grop- 
 sicha si woo olsfart reddy lied mit a pawr hoonert dawler 
 usht far so awremy oldte karls we der Bill in en eck greega. 
 Es hut ene usht en yohr ganumma bis are em oldta Billy si 
 bowery ga-agened hut, un se hen der oldt Billy uff's town- 
 ship gadoo. 
 
 Ich hob der oldt Billy uft p'soocht noach dem os are 
 uff em township wore. Are hut olles aweck gevva g'hot 
 except si hartz un sell denk ich het are aweck gevva won's 
 net tsu grose g'west ware far en ordinary mon. Oil de 
 kinner in der nuchbershoft hen ene gakent un sin cooma 
 ene p'soocha. Won ebber erne en shsener obbel gevva hut 
 don hut are ene g'holda far de kinner, un won se cooma sin
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 19 
 
 ene saena don is are mit sime shtuck ena noach g'hobbled 
 dorich de felder un ena helfa blooma soocha. De helft tzeit 
 hut are ken hoot uff g'hot un der wind hot ols si wisa hore 
 in rechte waravela gadraid. Endlich is are g'shtarva. Ich 
 wore on sinera leicht. Es wora nuch about en holb dutzent 
 onera on der karrich. Even de freind sin net by cooma. 
 Der porra hut en kartze breddich gadoo. Si text wore ebbcs 
 waega da Kinner Iserawl we se ols bodder-reeslin g'fonga 
 hen in der woldt, awer are hut ken goot wart g'hot far der 
 awrem oldt Billy, un nemond hut g'hiled except a pawr 
 bore-feesicha kinner os im hinnera eck fun der karrich 
 g'hucked hen. Ich wore anes fun da grawb-maucher un bin 
 ga-oddered g'west si grawb ins hinnersht eck fum karrich- 
 ho'fe do. Em kdshta Soondawg hov ich's widder p'soocht, 
 awer ich hob's shier net finna kenna. Es wore ivverwoxa 
 mit u-growd un orrick ei-g'folla. Om kup end \vore en 
 glse bordly un doh wore si nawma un eldt druff g'schnitta. 
 Ich wase net ware's boardly uff hut far ene, awer's hut 
 ga-gooked we boova arawet un ich denk es wore aw. 
 
 Ich bin aweck fum blotz mit ma schwara hartz, awer 
 es hut net long g'last. We ich forna on de fense cooma 
 bin don hov ich en grosser shaft fun marvel ssena shtae. 
 We ich naixt cooma bin don hov ich g'saena os es em Sam 
 Keisling si grawb is. Der Sam hut em oldta Billy si 
 boweri ob-galoused, awver are hut se net long enjoyed. 
 Are wore en shalooer karl un hut ordlich geld by-annoner 
 g'hot we are g'shtarva is. Are hut net selver g'shoft, 
 awver won are an chance greeked hut on en awremer mon 
 don hut are uff eme g'hucked we en bloot-sookler bis are 
 olla cent g'hot hut. We are g'shtarva is hen se dri porra 
 g'hot un de hen ene so weit nuch em himmel g'shova os se 
 hen kenna mit da hend un derno hen se ene gapushed mit 
 shtonga. Ich denk se hen ene nuff greeked, un won se net 
 hen don hen se anyhow r era hoonert dawler's shtick far- 
 deened. 
 
 Der Sam hut now en monument os ivver en dowsend 
 dawler gakusht hut nine-un-ninetzich per cent, bloot-geld
 
 2O CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 denk ich. Es is olles fargritzled mit schriftliche vvarda un 
 won mer's laesed don daid mer denka are het shunt de 
 floos-fettera g'shtart far en engel wara eb are dote g'west 
 wore. 
 
 Now, weller fun denna tswa mon denksht du os es 
 arsht in der Himmel coomed? Ich hob nuch en oldter 
 Shponisher dawler os my grose-mommy mere gevva hut 
 mit era yohrtzall druff, un ich wet seller os der oldt Billy 
 druvva is un fardich hend-shiddla eb der Sam Keesling ous- 
 findt os ebbes loos gabrucha is. 
 
 IN MA HEXA NESHT. 
 
 De onner nocht hov ich en ride g'hot os ich awver in 
 meim laiva net fargess. Ich wore nunner noch em Eila 
 Shettle uff awennich bolitix bisniss un hob mich farsimed. 
 Ich hob ols naixt dart g'wooned un hob de leit ols goot 
 gakent. De leit hen mich aw gakent un sell is de shult os 
 ich fart gatzooga bin. Ae mon in batickler hov ich ols 
 gaglicha es wore der Mike Belsinger, unser black-shmit. 
 Are hut meim gowl en monich eisa uff g'shloga un olla 
 mohl os ich nuch der shmidt bin sin mer boomerawlish foil 
 warra mit nonner. Well, den mon hov ich widder awga- 
 druffa om oldta blotz uns naixt os ich g'wist hob hut are 
 mich in sime kelter g'hot om sider drinka. Ich hob der 
 Polly farsprucha g'hot sober hame cooma, awver fum keller 
 sin mer ins wartzhouse un we ich dort ni cooma bin don 
 hov ich olles fargessa wsega bolidix un der Polly. Em 
 wardt si fraw wore en oldt madel fun mina os ich ols ga- 
 karraseered hob eb ich g'hired wore un mer sin gli gor 
 wconerbawr confidential warra. Der wardt hut galocht un 
 "yaw" g'sawd tsu olles, un es arsht os ich g'wist hob hov 
 ich nix g'wist. De soon wore shunt unner un dreeva wolka 
 sin uff g'shtiga gaega owet. Ich hob g'ssena os en gwidder 
 raega uff coomed un ich bin nows un uff em oldta Sammy 
 Sensawetzer si oldte shimmel marr gagroddled woo ich 
 g'lained hob g'hot. Ich hob mich net recht balanca kenna
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 21 
 
 es arsht awer twza mon hen mich druff g'hova un der 
 onner hut der marr anes ivver de shoonka ni g'hocked mit 
 ma glob-board, un woopsh, is es obgonga, naiva on da fensa 
 shtawka nows os der shmoke g'floga is. 
 
 Ich hob tzae mile hame g'hot un dorrich en doonkler, 
 weeshter wake. Ich bin om blotz farby woo amohl en 
 Yudda peddler dote g'mauched is warra. Ich hob de idea 
 gor net gaglicha awver ich hob en karicha leedle gapiffa far 
 my shpunk uff holda. Es naixt bin ich om blotz farby 
 woo der Bill Michelroyer sich g'henked hut. Es wore en 
 wiser stitae im fens-eck g'laega un ich hob amohl en notion 
 g'hot room draya un net farby gae. My hore hen my hoot 
 so uff g'shova os are mere nimmy uff em kup gablivva is un 
 ich hob ene in de hond g'numma. Gli huts awfonga dunnera 
 un ei-shloga. Yaw, es wore so doonkel os in ma sock un olla 
 mohl os es gawedderlaiched hut huv ich g'maned ich daid 
 en gonse lot geisht saena. Uff ae mohl bin ich urn en eck 
 room cooma in en doonkler bush. In der mit fun dem hov 
 ich en grose fire g'saena. Now, en soberer mon ware gor net 
 naixt, awver ich hob shpunk g'fossed un bin der-gaega 
 garidda. Gli hov ich g'saena os leit urn's fire room donsa. 
 Des wedderlaeache hut mich so farblendt os ich net saena 
 hob kenna wos un ware es is. Endlich hov ich g'saena os 
 es oil weipsleit sin un de wora holver nockich. Ich bin of 
 course grawd onna garidda so we evva en g'hireder mon 
 daid. Es wore en hecka-push grawd far mer un se hen 
 mich net saena kenna. In ame eck wore ebber g'hucked un 
 de gike g'shpeeled. Ich hob g'saena os are harner uff em 
 kup hut, glowa on da feese, un en longer scwontz mitera 
 govvel draw. Uff ma dish in der mit fun da donser wore 
 en mensha kup galaega, en shtrick woo en mon mit g'henked 
 is warra, en blootich messer un en lawd. Wos oil des 
 mancd hov ich net wissa kenna. Uff ae mohl draid anes 
 fun da weipsleit room un ich hob g'sasna os es de oldt 
 Sis Shleggel is woo se g'henked hen far leit ferhexa. Es 
 wore so f arhoftich en hexa donse un der divel hut gagiked !
 
 22 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Bong? Well my hore hen nows g'shtonna os we 
 keshta-eegla, my tzae hen uf annonner gaglebbert un my 
 hartz hut gaboomt os ich bong wore se daida es haera. Ich 
 hob de marr om tziggel greeked far room draya. De min- 
 nutt os se sich farraged hut don, woopsh ! wor's licht ous. 
 Derno hedscht's awver haera sulla dunnera ! Dowsend mil- 
 lune glebber masheena ! Se sin ous em doonkla cooma os 
 we eema ous ma koshta. De oldt marr hut sich ni g'lust 
 far era beshtes. Oh, doo leaver tsu-shtond ! Het ich ust 
 uff de Polly g'harriched ! De hexa sin ols naixer un 
 naixter uff cooma. Ich hob der marr tsu g'shprucha, for 
 ich hob g'wist os mer boll onera brick sin un os hexa net 
 ivver en wasser gaena. Endlich hov ich's wasser g'saena un 
 de naixt minnutt hen de blonka unich der oldta marr era 
 feese gaglebbered. Ich wore nuch lavendch, Gud si donk, 
 awver my hore wofa mere oil fum kup g'senked un ich hob 
 nuch shweffel garucha far a pawr dawg. 
 
 Es brauch mere nemond nix mae ous-redda waega 
 hexa, un wile ich anyhow en hexa ducter bin mawksht du 
 des drooka far de benefit fun der cause. Du mawksht nuch 
 unna draw shtata os my terms sin "Finf dawler de hex. 
 'Payment in advance. Satisfaction guaranteed or money 
 refunded.' ' Of course, du farshtaesht de "refunding" 
 bisniss. 
 
 ARE SCHWARED OB. 
 
 ICH hob feel compliments greeked uff my looks sidder 
 dos ich dere my pickter g'shicked hob. De weipsleit sawga 
 won ich uff-g'schmutzed ware we feel onera chaps daid ich 
 gooka we en gentlemon. Es hut de Polly woonerbawr ga- 
 bleased un se is grawd gonga un hut mere en pawr nia 
 shtiffel ga-kawfed. Es wore net os ich se so shlim gabreicht 
 hob, awer se hut gamained es ware nuch ebbes ous mere 
 tsu maucha won ich goot ga-glaid ware un daid uff mich 
 ocht gevva. Des wart "ocht gevva'" hut mer necht recht 
 aw-g'shtonna, un ich hob net gawist wos se mained bis
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 23 
 
 shtart nemma set un en beevil aid nemma os ich im gonsa 
 yohr nix mae nemma set ous en Hullerheck sinera schwartze 
 buttle. Es hut mich about holver folsh gamaucht, for es is 
 mer fore-cooma os se yusht so goot grawd rous cooma ware 
 mit era maining os ich tsu uft selly buttle handle. Awer 
 wile se so nice wore un hut mer de nia shtiffel gakawfed hov 
 ich gadenked ich wet's nemma we's coomed. Ich hob's ex- 
 plained wie es is os ich tsu sawga nee nix drink ons Huller- 
 hecka anyhow nee net feel. Awer se hut mich draw er- 
 innert we ich doh fergonga amohl hame cooma bin so 
 shtarns foil os ich fergessa hob my hoot ob do we ich ins 
 bet bin. 
 
 Well, tsu ledsht hov ich agreed mit der Polly, uff 
 schwartz un weis mit shrives un my nawma dertsu g'signed, 
 os ich in dem gonsa yohr nemohls ons Hullerhecka gse ex- 
 cept won un-g'fare ebber dart is os ich garn ssena will, odder 
 won ebbes arbordich's fore gait, odder won's so happened 
 os nix soonsht fore gait doh om barrick os ame en chance 
 gebt far awennich tzeit ferdriva. Ich hob aw agreed os ich 
 im gonsa yohr kae cent ous geb far licker odder beer, ex- 
 cept won ich shmartza im lieb hob, odder won my narfa ous 
 tune sin, odder won mer ebbes soonst failed so os ich 
 ebbes nemma mus for mich uff toona. Ich hob mer awer 
 ous g'holta os won ebber um der waig is un law fed on der 
 baar far de drinks uff setza un sawgt, "Coom boova," os 
 ich do con we ich will es si lussa odder aw nuff shteppa 
 un ebbes nemma, yust far my goote monneer uff holta. 
 
 Xow, konsht denka, mus ich ordlich goot ocht gevva 
 os ich my temperance pledge net farbrech. Ich bin den 
 nummadawg aw grawd nuff ons Hullerhecka un hob's da 
 karls dart g'sawd os ich now ob g'signed hob, un hob ena 
 es bobbeer g'wissa. Don hut der Bill Bifflemoyer's loud 
 galaisa, un se hen oil behawpt os mer ebbes failed, un os 
 ich now aw grawd ebbes nemma set far my narfa uff toona. 
 
 Of course ich hob don aw anes ganumma, un der 
 Hullerheck un oil de karls hen era opinion gevva os so en
 
 24 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 temperance pledge we meiny is oil recht un doot nemond 
 ken shawda. 
 
 DE DEITSCHA UN DE ENGLISHA. 
 
 DER onner dawg wore so en grum-bucklicher, flat-rib- 
 bicher, long-oricher, ous-gadarter Yankee om barrick un 
 hut de Polly der waik g'froght far nuch Schwinefordshtettle. 
 Se hut eme ous-galaiked in Pennsyl fawny Deitsch so goot 
 os se hut kenna, derno hut are si gowl room gadraid un 
 hut g'sawd, "Damn the Dutch." Are wore en Englisher un 
 hut der Polly era Deitches net fershtonna, un des hut ene 
 base gamaucht. Es wore goot g'west dos ich net da- 
 hame wore odder ich het amohl my nia shtiffel uff eme ga- 
 broveered. 
 
 De fact is, ich bin shtuls os ich Deitsch bin. Es mawk 
 si os mere net gons so shmart sin os selly Yankees os tsu 
 sawga nix tsu fressa hen os yusht grumbeera, shpeck- 
 shwarda, shwartz korn brote un fish. Awver for my dale, 
 ich shtick tsu der goot oldt Deitsch Pennsylfawnish fash- 
 ion. Ivverall woo mer onna gait con mer der unnershit 
 saena, eb de leit in der umgaigend English odder Deitsch 
 schwetsa. Won mer in en nuchbershoft coomed woo's 
 lond first-rate is, un grosse un shaena sheira, un goote pushta- 
 fense, un shaene fette uxa, un shmarte gile, un blendy 
 hinkle uff em hofe os de oyer laiga, un shmarte wiver, un 
 shaene maid un fette bublin, un woo de leit blendy fun 
 beshta soch tsu essa hen so soch os we es besht rinds 
 flaish, waitsa brote un fosnocht koocha, frisher brooter un 
 lod-warick, un sower-growd, un woo de leit so monneerlich 
 sin os se ame eilawda for mit essa won mer by enna aw- 
 rooft ; in gaigenda fun sellera awrt schwetza de leit tsu 
 sawga oil nix os es goot oldt Pennsyl fawny Deitsch. 
 
 Now, gae amohl in en Englishe nuchbershoft un sae 
 wees dart ous-gooked. De bowera hen era bleek un 
 reaper drows im wedder shtae fun yohr tsu yohr, de fensa 
 drunna, der waitsa blockich, es fee mawger, shtinkicher
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 2$ 
 
 hooter, ferbreede oyer, hash fun fowl flaish gamaucht, 
 forna huy un hinna fuy. En shse gakuched hem hen se aw 
 ivver en larer mawga, de weipsleit grenklich un u-obba- 
 ditlich, wiesht un mawger. Un gae amohl in de gross 
 shtadt un roof aw on der jail un froke der shreef we feel 
 deeb un onera rascal dart drin sin un are sawgt ordlich 
 feel; don froke ene welle sort de majority hen, de Deitscha 
 odder de Englisha, un ich bin goot derfore os are dere 
 sawgt os de deeb un so karls tsu sawka oil English sin 
 un os yusht don un won en Deitscher ni coomed wsega 
 bissly bodderation mit weipsleit. 
 
 Anyhow, ich shtick tsu'm goota oldta Deitscha wake, un 
 geb en dihenker droom eb de farhungerda grudda-fresser 
 mich un de Polly gleicha odder net. 
 
 TSWA-BANICHA SI. 
 
 HUSHT du in dime laeva draw gadenked we feel sorta 
 si os es in dara weldt hut? Won du net husht don luss 
 mich dere sawga, es hut mae si os ansich ebber denka daid. 
 De si sin divide in tswae glossa : De fier-banicha un de tswae 
 banicha. De fier banicha si hen de advantage ivver de tswae 
 banicha wile mer se fet maucha con un essa, awver de tswae 
 banich sow hut gor nix far se tsu recommenda. Du consht 
 im sama shtettle woona far tswonsich yohr un net ousfinna 
 os du olla dawg de shtrose law f shed mitera sow bis du amohl 
 en woch mit anes fun denna si im sama house woonsht. 
 Ains fun denna si sin so sour os essich un so mean os dreck 
 dahame ba-usa era wiver un schlawga de kinner room 
 nemond greeked en goot ward fun ena, awver usht so 
 g'shwint os se uff de shtrose shridda don hen se en blesseer- 
 licher gook un yader ebber maned are is de goot shtoond. 
 Ains fun de onera si sin de woo maena de soon daid shina 
 un de raega folia usht arise far se. Se bada Gud aw olla dawg 
 far sich selver un won se der wind un der raega regulata 
 kenta don daida se era boweri in en gorda draya un eram 
 nuchber si lond in en woldt. So karl wara nee net meed
 
 26 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 en brennende hell unershtitsa usht far de accommodation 
 fun lite woo se selver glicha ssena daida farbrenna. Es hut 
 nuch feel cinera sorta si. Der mon woo olsfart om wartz- 
 house lite un is ready for en drink nemma awver hut nee 
 ken geld fars selver uff-setza. Se fressa der doo-wock, 
 schmoka de segara un drinka der whiskey os onera karls 
 kawfa, un derno gsena se un bragga we feel reicher os se 
 sin os we de karls woo olsfardt era geld om wartzhouse 
 shpenda. Ich hob ken objections tsu ma mon os tsu feel 
 fun sime geld denked fars sphenda far drom, awer derno' set 
 are net onner leit era geld helfa uff sowfa. En onery sart 
 sow is de rigel-wake sow. En rigel-wake sow is en mon 
 os entitled is tsu ame sits inera kar un derno shpraid are 
 sich un si baggage ivver fier sitz un maucht de weipsleit 
 shtae won de kar foil is. So karls nemma generally olles 
 os room g'hand wardt inera kar far essa, awver won se 
 ebbes tsu fressa hen don doona sees ous em wake shoffa so 
 shtill os en mowse. Won se om wartzhouse shtuppa don 
 fressa se usht ae mohls dawgs, un wos se net in era si 
 mawga lawda kenna doona se in de seek far der balance fum 
 dawg. Xuch x sort si un ich bin fardich, un sell is de sow 
 woo olsfart es feddersht si will woo ivver weipsleit un 
 kinner nows groddled un draid se in der budda usht so os 
 are si reesel forna draw hovva con. Es hut farleicht m?e 
 fun denna si os fun anicha onera sort un es is umeglich 
 far se fardilga. Education un refinement mauched se usht 
 shlimmer un feel mae g'farlich wile en ga-polishde sow on 
 feel bletz ni con woo en commoner borrick frish ous der 
 ben net ni reecha dariff. 
 
 De fact is, en mon kent ken bessera dinshta do tsu 
 sime lond os nous gse si sheesa un se usht farfowla lussa 
 we se de buffaloes uff em prairie g'lust hen.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEI*. 27 
 
 ON DER 'NOGGERATION BALL. 
 
 Di; mindsht nuch ferleicht fun sellem oldta gowl woo 
 dote gonga is em sexta November, 1888. Ich hob g'sawd 
 de official luder-grobba data ene farrisa eb are recht dote 
 ware. Won du by mere in Washingdon g'west wsersht 
 dorrich de 'noggeration don kensht du en idea forma we 
 feel luder-grobba dos es in denna United States hut. Wash- 
 ingdon hut g'schwarmed mit office seekers we de micka uff 
 ma dota asel. De Polly wore mit nunner. Es wore es 
 arsht mohl dos se ous America wore un es hut se wooner- 
 bawr gableesed. Wile ich en kondadawt bin far de Hawsa 
 Barrick pusht-office bin ich grawd ins Wise House ni. Der 
 Harrison wore om karabet nunner nawgala in anes fun da 
 shtoopa un ich bin uff galuffa tsu erne, my hond nows 
 g'shtrecked un hob g'sawd, "We gates. Bench?" "Ware 
 bisht du?" hut are g'sawt. Des hut mich base gamaucht, 
 un ich hob g'sawt, "Coom mer mit so norrheita. Ich hob 
 duch far dich g'shtimmed, now kent mich nemond mae 
 noach dem dos eer ketzer my shtim het." Derno hov ich 
 mich uff g'shtrecked tsu minera fulla leng un hob g'sawd, 
 "Ich bin der Boonastiel fum Hawsa Barrick !" Der shtrain 
 hut mere en gallus-knup ob garrissa un ich hob hinere ga- 
 longt far ene greega. Der Harrison hut gamaned ich date 
 far en pishtole longa un en mon mit bloa glaider un gaila 
 knep hut mich nows g'feared. Won der Billy Bixler by 
 mere g'west ware don het's en fuss gevva, awver ich un de 
 Polly wora lae un se kon net feel do except mit eram mowl. 
 Ich glawb ferleicht duch net os es der Bench selver wore. 
 Won ich shure ware don date ich eme si gons kocha won 
 are widder rous coomed far Bresident. 
 
 Owets sin mere derno on der 'Noggeration Ball, un so 
 socha hov ich in meim laeva net g'^sena. Ich hob shunt 
 shtouta weipsleit g'ssena awver nee net so weit nunner. Ei, 
 es wore miner sale on shont mit era low-neck gowns. De 
 hoongericha bublin hen ivveroll room aw r fonga heila. Ich 
 hob anera g'sawd von se ken hem het don date de Polly 
 era's ous un era's gevva, wile de Polly anyhow net donsa
 
 28 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 wet, derno is era mon cooma un hut mich dexla wella. 
 "Yaw," hov ich g'sawt, "shlock du mull der Boonastiel, 
 derno brech ich dich fun-nonner- un sae wos in dere is." 
 Are hut net. Ich wore usht in trim far de gons ferdihenk- 
 ert administration garava. De nioosic wore g'furnished by 
 em Simmy Roush sime flying-horse orchestra. Der Quay 
 un der John Wanamaker hen gagiked, un der Dan Hastings 
 hut de boss drum gablosa. Unser Jury Commissioner hut 
 ob-garoofa, un es hut mere ols recht hame-wae g'maucht 
 ene ivver oil de yocht hara greisha, "Salute your p-pa-pa 
 ardner," "b-b-b-alance all," "swing your p-pard-pardner." 
 "Damet, look out o-o-over there and d-d-don't mix up so." 
 De monsleit hen negel-rupper reck aw g'hot, grawd we 
 miner, usht se wora net so "antique." My gross-fodder 
 hut miner g'wora om General Jackson sinera 'noggeration. 
 Se hen cider gadrunka dos finf dawler de buddla wore. Se 
 hen's shampaginy wasser g'haesa. Der "sham" wore im 
 mawga, un der "pain" is cooma won mer uff g'sobered is. 
 
 Ich hob de 'noggeration bully enjoyed. Washingdon 
 is en grosse shtodt, awver far ruich laeve un sailich shtarva 
 geb mere un der Polly nuch unser oldte schwarda shandy 
 om Hawsa Barrick. 
 
 TSU FEEL LEIT. 
 
 MER hserd ols de leit sawga es wara tsu feel leit in un- 
 seram weldt dale. Se kenna shier nimme oil doh laeva, mer 
 set fort gae, he woo's net so feel leit het. De woreheit is 
 awver, os we de weldt ei-gericht is, huts net holver leit 
 ganunk mer mawk he gooka woo mer will fahla leit. Es 
 hut net ganunk monsleit, net ganunk weipsleit, net ganunk 
 maid un net ganunk boova. Gae dorich de shtodt un dor- 
 rich de shtettle un du warsht saena dos ivverall leit fahle. 
 De shtora sin foil goods un de shtore-keeper hucka de helft 
 fun der tzeit derby mit nix tsu do os worda far de customers 
 cooma un era goods kawfa. Oil de wardt im gonsa lond 
 hetta garn a pawr dowsend customers mae far era schnopps
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 29 
 
 drinka, un yader porra het garn a pawr dowsend g'mains- 
 gleeder, yader shoe-shtore het garn en lot orma borfeesiche 
 de shoe missa hovva far dar winder; yader glseder shtore 
 daid wincha os pawr dowsend holb-nockice cooma daida 
 far glseder kawfa; yader lawyer winsht es daid about tzae 
 mohl so feel norra gevva de shtride un lawsuits shtarta 
 daita ; yader ducter wut os es about tzae mohl so feel gronke 
 gevva daid ; yader drooker maned es setta about finf dow- 
 sen mae leit doh si far si schlechte tzeidung nemma; yader 
 weshfraw maned es setta about dri mohl so feel leit cooma 
 mit schmutziche wesh, even dota-grsever heta garn mse 
 dota tsu bagrawva, un yader shtodt het garn nuch a pawr 
 dowsend ei-wohner. Des is en deitliche bawise dos es net 
 holver ganunk leit gebt. 
 
 Awver don gebts widder feel bletz os mer mained de 
 weldt het gons un gor tsu feel mensha un mer muss sich 
 watcha os se em net de ribba ni renna un em dote draida. 
 Gas amohl on bletz woo feel tsu fressa un tsu sowfa is far 
 nix, dart fint mer olsfart en grosse crowd olles is lavendich 
 un gooked we en grosser eema-schwarm usht net so decent 
 un so orndlich. 
 
 Gae amohl on bolidix conventions woo a pawr empter 
 ous gadaled wara, odder woo en blotz uff is far en appoint- 
 ment, woo mer geld grobsha con, awenich shtaila un awenich 
 rawva mid ous in de jail cooma, dart sin olsfart tsu feel leit. 
 Un gook amohl woo en fessly beer far nix osu-gadaled wart 
 odder tsu keffer-bree ga-dreat wart, dart sin aniche minnut 
 tzae mohl so feel leit os note-wenich. Nixnootsiche, far- 
 dorvena, shtulsa, eibildishe, hoach-meediche, dreckiche, 
 lousiche un u-arliche leit sin feel doh, awver recht-shoffena, 
 arliche, brawfe, dae-meediche, fleisiche, goot-hartziche un 
 sobere leit sin tsu wenich ,un fun selera sort kent mer nuch 
 milluna braucha.
 
 30 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 DER OLDT MON LAWFED FAR EN OFFICE. 
 
 UFTMOHLS doona de leit mich froga wees coomed os 
 ich net rous coom fer en goote, fette office far Shreef, od- 
 der far Congress, odder far in de 'Semly? 
 
 Ich con's explaina. Ich bin as mohl galuffa far en 
 office, un ich hob my mind uff gamaucht os sell aw es ledsht 
 mohl is. Es wore fier yohr tzurick, on der free-yohr's 'leck- 
 shon. Ich bin rous cooma far orma-flager fum township. 
 Ich hob broveered de 'Publican nomination tsu maucha, 
 awer se sin tsurick gonga uff mich un hen der Bench Hess 
 g'nominate. Don hov ich de Demagrawda broveered, awer 
 se hen der oldt Dan Dushter uff ganumma. Don bin ich 
 rous cooma independent, un hob sex hoonert tickets drooka 
 lussa, un bin nows unner de leit, un shier yader mon hut mer 
 de hond gevva un hut g'sawd: "Yaw, Boonastiel, du bisht 
 my mon, far dich shtim ich uff sell konsht dich farlussa." 
 Ich hob dri dawler batzawlt far de tickets, un es hut mich 
 tswisha finf un sex dawler gakusht ons Hullerhecka om 
 'leckshon dawg. Un olles is recht gonga so weit. Don hen 
 se de tickets ga-tzaeled, un we feel denksht nows os far mich 
 g'shtimmed hen? Doh sin de tsiffera: 
 
 Far der Bench Hess, 147; far der Dan Dushter, 117; 
 un mich, Boonastiel, i. Don we olles farby wore is ainer 
 noach em onera cooma un yader hut gadoo os won's net 
 far ene g'west ware het ich gor kae shtim greeked. Der 
 oldt Solaklupper, der Billy Bixler, der Bifflemoyer, der 
 Honnaboker, der 'Shquire Lawbuck, der Schnitzler, der 
 Kissinger un oil hen contend, en yader far sich selwer, os 
 are het mer selle shtim gevva. Awer don wore my gadoold 
 om end. 
 
 Ich hob ena derno grawd rows in era g'sichter ni 
 g'sawd os ich now sure bin os se oil farflompte lingner sin, 
 wile ich exactly wase ware selle ansich ticket g'shtimmed 
 hut es wore my aegne shtim, un sell hut's ga-proofed os 
 net wennicher os about dri hoonert lingner im township sin. 
 
 Un sidder sellem hov ich my mind uff gamaucht os 
 ich ken office accept so long os ich labe, un os won ebber my
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 3t 
 
 shtim hovva win don muss are ons marrick cooma C. O. D. 
 forna nows. 
 
 DENKST ARE GEBT AN EDITOR. 
 
 DE ledsht woch we du ken tzeidtmg ga-drucked husht 
 bin ich ins shtettle. un far de tzeit tsu bringa bis de Hawsa 
 Barrick train fart is bin ich in di office ni g'shtepped. Es 
 wore nemond dahame un de leit hen mere g'sawd du warsht 
 drows hawsa sheesa. Ich hob mich grawd dahame 
 g'mauched, hob en Weidamoyer segar aw-g'shtecked, my 
 fees uff der dish, un moll awfonga di brief laesa. Der arsht 
 brief wore fum a bolitician. Dare hut dere g'sawed we en 
 bolidix tzeidung drooka. "Mauch se rode hase. Geb da 
 Demagrawda h 1. Se sin nix bessers ga-waint," hut are 
 g'sawd. Der naixt brief wore fum ma mon os ols Huff- 
 mon's drubba ga-peddled hut un we are ken laeve mse 
 maucha hut kenna on sellam is are ons breddicha. Dare 
 mon hut g'sawd : "Di tzeidung is tsu gud lose far my 
 kinner laesa. Shtup se." Ich hob go-gooked un are wore 
 nuch dri yohr tzurich uff si subscription. En onerer brief 
 hut g'sawd du warsht en farflompts kolb wile du net si ar- 
 dickle in de tzeidung ga-do hedsht woo are g'shriva hut far 
 si nuchber ba-usa. En onerer brief hut g'sawd : "We will 
 draw on you in ten days if this bill is not paid." Ich denk 
 du musht ebber shooldich si. Ae brief hut g'sawd di tzei- 
 dung ware net feel wardt except far lod-warrick hoffa tsu 
 binna. Es laesa ware gor nix wardt awver are daid denka 
 du daidst olles ni os du wisht un mer kent dich net blama far 
 wos du net wisht. Un so hov ich fart ga-laesa ich wore 
 usht recht in der bisniss-we de deer uff gonga is un en oldter 
 mon is ni g'shtepped mit ma glsena boo on der hond. 
 
 "Gooter-morga," hut are g'sawd. "Bisht du der Ker- 
 nel Harder?" 
 
 "Yaw," hov ich g'sawd. 
 
 "\Yell, ich bin usht ri cooma mit mime boo. My 
 familia is om tsu nemma un ich muss dale fun ena lose wara. 
 Der Mose un der Alike sin shlipperiche karls, der Pete is om
 
 32 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 inventa, awver wos are mauched con ich net saena. Der Bill 
 hut sich de naws ferbrucha onera shootin-match. Der Joe 
 shtuddied medicine un board da-hame, der Abe un der Sam 
 sin g'hired un runna my boweri far s'ch selver, un de onera 
 cooma goot aw except dare glae doxy, der Jim, un ich hob 
 gamained ich wet an editor ous erne maucha. Are is tsu 
 armlich un tsu fowl for shoffa un are doot nix os fressa, un 
 wile anich ebber en tzeidung runna con os en dimeling foil 
 harn hut hov ich usht gadenked de drucker bisniss daid ene 
 soota. Wos denkst du derfun?" 
 
 "Yaw," hov ich g'sawd, "luss ene doh. Mere bro- 
 veera un usa ene in der office. Mere kenna es fet ous erne 
 broda far de press schmeara un's flaish kenne mere da hinkel 
 feedera. Se sawga flaish daid de hinkel gor woonerbawr 
 laega maucha, un der oyer 
 
 Awver der oldt karl hut net g'wart far mx hara awver 
 hut si boo g'numma un is tsu der deer nows so hardt os are 
 gae hut kenna. We are drows were hov ich ene hara en 
 mon froga sidder won os "der Kernel Harder ous sime kup 
 ware?" 
 
 Ich bin nuch awhile hucka blivva bis en karl ni cooma 
 is un der ruck ob-galaiged, de hem armel nuff ga-wickled 
 un hit si finger uff en ardickle in der tzeidung un hut m'.ch 
 g'frogt eb ich der editor ware un eb ich sell shtick g'shrivva 
 het? Ich hob grawd g'saena os are bisniss mained, un wile 
 ich's editor bisiness anyhow laedich wore hov ich g'sawd : 
 
 "Nae, nae ! Ich bin net der editor. Yader ebber wase 
 os ich usht der Gottleib Boonastiel bin, un won der leeb 
 Gud mich dessa-mohl lavendich ous dem luch lust don will 
 ich in mime laeva nimmy im Kernel Harder si shoe 
 shridda!" 
 
 Are hut mich nows ga-lust un derno hut are der hoch 
 shtool g'numma un hut g'sawd are wed de tzedung runna 
 bis are dich aw-dreffa daid. Won de tzeidung rous coomed 
 de woch mit ma bloa awk don wase ich os are dich aw- 
 gadruffa hut.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 33 
 
 EX XIE SORT RIGEL-WAKE. 
 
 ICH glawb nuch om end dos ich net de Hawsa Barrick 
 pusht-office greek, tin ich muss farhoftich ebbes hovva 
 unich dara administration, far es is de ledsht dos ich expect 
 Republican tsu si. Ich hob ga-tzaeled yader mon os far 
 der Bench Harrison g'vote het daid en office greega, un es 
 wore uns so farshprucha. Now doot usht about anes ous a 
 hoonerd en office greega. Awver ich hob now applied ap- 
 point wara Envoy Extraordinary un Minister Plenopoten- 
 tiary fun da United Shtates tsu Doodletown. 
 
 Won sell mere far un-glicked don gane ich on my pat- 
 ent rigel-wake fardich maucha so dos won der Seaboard & 
 Western net boll coomed don will ich en shtock coombany 
 raisa far aner bowa. Ich hob en plan far aner, un dare 
 kusht holver so feel os we en braid gage. Usht ae rigel is 
 my blan. Du denksht awver mer con kae train runna uff so 
 ma single track, awver ich hob en blan os es doot. 
 
 My blan is os der head engineer sich forna uff de in- 
 gine shtelt mit so ma longa pole un doot de gons train seller 
 wake balansa so uff en awrt os we der circus mon os uff 
 em tight-g'shponta shtrick uff un ob lawft. Un we shtar- 
 ricker os de train shpringt uff meim patent single track we 
 safer os es is, far es is yusht won de kars shtill shtaena os 
 se um-folla. Of course my blan is os mer de kars uff yader 
 side shteibert won de train ols shtupt on da stations, un won 
 mer ob shtart nembt mer de shteiber aweck un der mon mit 
 em longa pole gaid widder ons balansa, der conductor 
 gebt's wardt "all aboard" un derno widder uff un ob we en 
 hoonert horse-power gwidder shtrawl. 
 
 Ich hob aw en blan far en rigel-wake os mer de train 
 runna con barrick nuff un nunner oona ingine gons fun 
 sich selver. Of course, anicher norr wase os barrick nunner 
 gaits anyhow fun selver. Awver barrick nuff runna fun 
 selver is en onner ding. Awver ich hob der blan un nem 
 aw en patent rows derfore. Der blan is os ich de hinnera 
 redder feel graeser mauch os de feddera, un sell doot derno
 
 34 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 es g'wicht fum kar fun hinna ahead pusha un es fershtaed 
 sich fun selver os es de feddera redder forna week dreibt un 
 de hinnera aw derno hinna noach tzeeged. 
 
 So en rigel-wake we ich bow ware hendich. Ich will 
 ene usht far de accommodation fun da bowera. Mer 
 brouch sich derno net dote shpringa far connection maucha. 
 Won der engineer ous duwock coomed un dreft en bower 
 aw in ma feldt om blooga don con are usht "down brakes" 
 pifa, de train shtibera, runner shteppa un aner ob bisa ; 
 derno "toot-toot" un are is wider ob os es dunnert un 
 weddered. Mer breicht aw ken warts-heiser om wake 
 noach. Won's about middawg is kent mer on ma bowera 
 house shtuppa, un won en gooter oldter Pennsylfawnisher 
 dart wooned don date are de gons train ellawda tsu'm essa. 
 Der ansich droovel ware de fensa uff un tsoo Isega won mer 
 dorrich de felder gsed. 
 
 Ich tzale yaders fun mina freind frie passes gevva 
 ivver my wake. De - Polly gebt der Bresident fum nia 
 Nickle-Plate Grand Trunk Single Track wake, un wile se 
 gor feel fun dere denked wart se woll d.ch net fergessa. 
 Ich luss dich's awver wissa eb's ob gaed. 
 
 DE GICKSER. 
 
 ICH hob feel dorrich g'mocht sidder os ich dere der 
 ledsht brief g'shrivva hob. Ich hob en g'hot der "gick- 
 ser" un ich wore gore luders gronk. Es is ivver mich 
 comma mit freera, uns arsht os ich g'wist hob sin de kolda 
 chills mere der buckel nuff g'sphroonga un ob ga- jumped 
 on der holsonkel. Es naixt hov ich awfonga shidala un es 
 hut mich rum g'schnart os de jacket knepp ob g'floga sin. 
 Ich bin ins bed un se hen g'shicked far der ducter. Are is 
 cooma, hut my pulse g'feeled, noch minera tzung ga-gooked, 
 mere tswa gride pilferlin gevva un mich tswa dawler ga- 
 charged. Ovver ich bin net besser wara, un gli is de noch- 
 richt om barrick nows os der Boonastiel ware grunk, un de 
 leit sin by cooma, yader oldte fraw hut an hondfoll ga-grider
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 35 
 
 g'hot os es "besht ding in der weldt" si hut sulla. Gli hen 
 se es bed umringt g'hot un awfonga on mere ductera. De 
 Sam Shenkelmoyern hut g'sawed S "besht ding in der 
 weld" far der gickser ware mare-reddich uff de feese binna. 
 En onery hut g'sawt hasa uffa-deckel uff de brusht; en 
 essich-loomba um der kup, un recht schwitza maucha ware 
 es "besht ding uff der weldt" far es freera, un so hen se 
 fart ga-mauched bis se mich ga-blonsed hen g'hot. Ich 
 hob mich nimmy farrsega kenna os ich mich net forsenked 
 un fabrendt hob. Derno is es tse maucha awgonga. Yader 
 ebber hut grawd g'wist wos es "besht ding in der weldt" 
 is far de gronket, un se sin ons ga-grider kocha. I do 
 leever. Shofe-ribba, Older-mon, Maderly, Rowda, Solvie, 
 Gwindel, Warmet, Dorich-wox, Sossafril wartzel, Olond 
 wartzel, Schwartz wartzel, un olla onera sort tae os se draw 
 denka hen kenna hen se tsu ga-risht by am si kivvel foil 
 un mere ei-g'shit. Now, mind you, yader fun denna socha 
 wora es "best ding in der weldt" un ich hob olles ga-dultich 
 ei-g'numma wile ich mer net helfa hob kenna, un gaega es 
 ledsht won ich ebber fremmas sana hob in de shtoop cooma 
 don hov ich shunt es mowl uff g'maucht we en yunge om- 
 shel, far es ledsht "besht ding in der weldt" der hols num- 
 ner g'shit greega. Ich hob woll g'wist wos es "besht ding 
 in der weldt" ware, ovver der Hullerheck huts net g'wist 
 os ich der gickser hob un is net grawd cooma mit der 
 schwartza buddle. Ich hob ovver g'shpeered os es net long 
 lasta con. De ane-un-drisich sart ga-grider hen awfonga 
 nonner tzarra in mime mawga. Ich denk yaders huts 
 "besht ding in der weldt" si wella far der gickser ob-driva, 
 un ich hob g'shpeered os es shtorrick tsum end gait. Gli 
 hov ich nix fun der weldt g'wist un ich hob ga-drawmed 
 ich ware dote un uff em wake noch em himmel. We ich 
 on de deer cooma bin un hob ga-glubbed, huts g'hasa : 
 
 "Ware is drows?" 
 
 "Der Boonastiel." 
 
 "We bisht cooma?" 
 
 "Ga-luffa."
 
 36 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 "Du consht net ri. Usht de richa un de hocha woo 
 office havva un kenna uff gile un in carriages cooma kenna 
 doh ri." 
 
 Ich bin room gadraid mit ma schwara hartz far tzurick 
 uff de weldt. Uff em wake tzurick hov ich der Bench 
 Harrison aw-gadruffa un hob erne g'sawd os es kent nemond 
 ni oona are daid rida odder fora. 
 
 "Now, Boonastiel," hut are g'sawt, "gev ich dere en 
 blan. Du lusht mich dich on de deer rida, un sella wake 
 kenna mere oil tswae ni." 
 
 "Oil recht, groddle druff." 
 
 Are hut mich on de deer garidda un ga-glubbed. 
 
 "Ware is drows?" 
 
 "Der Bench Harrison." 
 
 "Wee bisht cooma?" 
 
 "Uff ma gowl." 
 
 "Oil recht, bin di gozvl drows aw un coom ri." 
 
 Es wore so noddeerlich we uff der ardt, woo der office- 
 seeker der awrem mon on de deer fun sinera office ride un 
 bindt ene derno owsa aw, os ich grawd g'wist hob os ich 
 nuch net dote bin. De oldta wiver hen awver oil g'msened 
 ich ware dote, un se hen mere es mowl uff brecha wella far 
 mere nuch mae ga-grider ei-shitta, awver se hen net kenna, 
 un ivver dem coomed der Billy Bixler ni un hut g'sawd won 
 der Boonastiel nuch net gons dote ware don kent are ene 
 tsu-m Iseva bringa. Are hut en buddle foil fum Hullerheck 
 sinera beshta keffer-bree ous sime sock un mere's on de 
 naws g-hova. Es hut mich uff ga-dubbled we n oldt bar- 
 low sock-messer un es hut mich uff g'hucked mit ma longa 
 "Ah-h," we der Sam Stuck ols sawged won are recht 
 dorshdich is. Ich bin widder uff da feese un du wsersht gli 
 nuch mae fun mere hara.
 
 FUM BOONASTlElv. 37 
 
 SHPECULATA MIT ONER LEIT ERAM GELD. 
 
 ICH denk du husht shunt uft g'woonered we ich en 
 Iseva mauch. Olles os ich nuch so weit aw g'fonga hob is 
 mere dorrich g'shlipped. My rigel-wake doot net batzawla, 
 my biskotza burglar-proof safe is ken success wile de kotza 
 tsu rawr sin, un my hexa ducteri bringt gons wenich ei 
 wiles ken hexa mae hut. Olla mon si experience is en les- 
 sen tsu onery mon, un my grosser droovel far der windt 
 raisa is en worning tsu karls woo net wissa wos en dawler 
 wardt is. De fact is, es is feel easier geld lose wara os es 
 ie bringa, un uftmohls shtarta yunge menner nows mit ma 
 howfa geld fun eram fodder un es seemed se sin net g'satis- 
 fied bis se es lose warra. Es seemed era heifly geld reibed 
 se os we en hickerniss in ma shtiffel. Se sin net rooich bis 
 es oil is, derno uff se mohl coomds ena ei os se on de ara- 
 wet missa un os es en dawg hard shoffa nembt far en daw- 
 ler fardeena. Des sin se sart norra wsega geld. 
 
 En onery sart geld norra sin karls woo mer de rale 
 first-rate karls hased. Woo olsfart blendy geld hen, sin 
 liberal, un kenna net ous era agena deer gas oony a pawr 
 dawler shpenda. Won du en bill collecta wid fun ena don 
 hen se nee ken geld, aw r ver won du se drows aw-dreffa 
 doosht don doona se dich royal treata farleicht mit dime 
 agena geld. Du konsht sheer net base warra ivver se un 
 duch grawbts in dere os we en mouse won se ousera male- 
 kisht fressa will. 
 
 En onery sort geld norra sin selly karl woo hoch ni 
 shtarta in bisniss, driva de beshta gile, un wara de beshta 
 glseder. Se kawfa un fakawfa, schwetza wsega tzse dow- 
 send dawler os wons usht tzse cent ware, locha ivver leit 
 woo hardt shoffa far en lasva maucha un Isega ena ous we 
 easy os es is geld tsu maucha won se usht schmart g'nunk 
 wara. De leit googa uff tsu ena os won se harra wara. 
 Yader ebber drowed ena un de menshta leit winsha won se 
 usht a pawr dowsend dawler hetta far ena tsu gevva usht 
 far "safe keeping." Gli grocht ebbes. Der shreef coomed
 
 38 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 un derno warts ous g'funna os era grosser show oil gadoo 
 is warra mit oner leit eram geld, un derno farwoonerts leit 
 os se so farflompte kelver wora un hen net dorrich se ssena 
 kenna derfore. Awver farleicht tsu shpote. Se missa wid- 
 der frish ni awfonga en dowsend dawg shoffa far de dow- 
 send dawler fardeena os se dem raskel gevva hen, usht far 
 erne tsu wisa we feel confidence os se in eme g'hot hen. 
 
 De fact is, shpeculata mit oner leit eram geld is g'far- 
 liche bisniss. Es geld os do mauched won du glick husht 
 is di, uns geld os du farleersht is dina friend. Glae awfonga 
 un grose uff gevva is en gooter motto far yunge leit. Won 
 du en hoonered dawler fardeenst in ma yohr un shpendsht 
 nine-un-ninetzich don bisht du harlich ; un won du en hoon- 
 ert dawler fardeensht un shpendsht en hoonert un a; daw- 
 ler don bisht du mowderlich. Der besht wake is cash 
 batzawla we mer gait won mer's onishter do con, un nix 
 kawfa os mer net wase woos geld hare cqoma doot fars 
 batzawla. Ich wet liever en farissner ruck wara os ba- 
 tzawled is os we en doochner ruck os ich ken rasade derfore 
 hob. Wons shunt net so shae gooked mer con duch nochts 
 shlofa oona ga-drockdeered si mit shoolda. Der droovel os 
 mer sich selver mauched is der hardsht, un kenner shpraid 
 em mae brode-grimla uff s lineduch os we shoolda druvvel. 
 
 Doh hare consht du dich druff ferlussa, won oil my 
 shpeculations dorrich folia ae ding is sure", un des is os ne- 
 mond g'shtucka waerdt wile ich ken geld laena wet won 
 ich kent, un kent net won ich wet. 
 
 ON DER FRIHEIT CONVENTION. 
 Du waisht ich wore en anti-prohibitionist, un wile ich 
 net ga-glawbed hob on des shticker flicka on unsera con- 
 stitution bin ich un der Billy Bixler am Somshdawg-en- 
 woch nunner nuch Schnoppstown fer en anti-prohibition 
 convention tenda, un ich con dere sawga mere hen en 
 boomerawlishe tzeit g'hot. Es wora about en honnert un 
 fuftzich delegates dart. Oil de breweries, saloons, wartz- 
 heiser un gin meela in der Shtate wora ga-represent. Mer
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 39 
 
 hen aner Pit Shpoondaluch fun Fildelfy elect far Bresident. 
 Der Pit ware en shgener mon won's net ware far si naws. 
 Se gooked we en eema-rose in rhode-reeb bree g'farrebed. 
 De Sal Blaser hen mere elect Secretary. Se is en Deitsch 
 weipsmensch un holdt en saloon in Harrisburg. Mer hen 
 se select wile se bakondt is mit oil da 'semly-menner. Se is 
 net so en hoch weipsmench awver se messed sex foos 
 ivver der shtoomba, un won se uff shtate gooked se os we 
 en shprower-sock in der mit ob gabunna. Der Bresident 
 Shpoondaluch hut de Convention tsu odder garoofa un hut 
 g'frogt wos mere es haesa wetta, don is der Billy Bixler uff 
 gajoomped un hut der nawma "Friheit" sugggest. Es hut 
 ganumma we en shtorem, for es wore ous gamaucht dos 
 mere nix drinka darfa bis mer g'organized wara. In dri 
 minnuta noach sellem hut yaklicher delegate en buddle uff 
 sime desk shtae g'hot, un es wore "freiheit" tsu drinka. 
 Ich hob gli g'shepeered os ich mot ware in da bse un ich 
 hob awfonga my resolutions ni sheesa. Ich hob shticker 
 sexa g'offered, un ich denk se sin oil dorrich gonga. Ich 
 hob anyhow nix fun ena g'hsered noach-derhond. Es hut 
 gli in mina ora gabroomed dos ich net hara hob kenna 
 ware schwetzed un wos se sawga. Ich hob woonerbawr 
 patriotic 'g'feeled un ich bin uff gajumped un hob gagrisha, 
 "Hurrah far de United Shtates ! Hurrah for der General 
 Jackson un der Ben Butler! Hurrah far Personal Liberty 
 
 un Hail Columbia ! Hurrah ." Es hut mich ebber om 
 
 awrem greeked un ich hob room gagooked un doh wore 
 wore-hoftich seller same karl mit da bloa glader woo ich in 
 Washington g'saena hob, un hut g'sawd ich set mit erne 
 gae. "Woo is der Billy Bixler?" hov ich g'frogt. Now 
 wore my tzeit far der karl tsu dexla. Ich hob gagooked 
 un der Billy wore oonich sime desk g'laega un hut owls ga- 
 moomeled: "Where's yer per-pershenel liberty! (hick) 
 geb mere freiheit! Hurrah far de (hick) sha-sho-she- 
 ation !" Ich hob grawed g'saena dos es nix mit erne tsu 
 do is un ich hob em mon mit da bloa glaider g'sawt are 
 set der Billy aw mit nemma. Are hut der Billy oonich em
 
 4O CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 desk rous g'fished un mer sin g'shtart far de shtross. Ich 
 wase net wos es noach-derhond gevva hut awver ich hob 
 long g'schlofa. Der Billy is es arsht wocker warra. Are 
 hut mere garoofa un hut g'sawt es daid raegera un unser 
 wartz-house daid rinna. Mere wora im gutter g'lffga. 
 Ich bin derno wocker warra, un ich hob em Billy grawd 
 g'sawdt ich daid glawva de rotta wara om fechta in meim 
 mawga. Gli sin de rotta ruff cooma far loo ft, un ich hob 
 gaglawbed ich shtareb olla minnutt. Der Billy hut mich 
 g'frogt eb are ebbes do kent far mich. Ich hob erne g'sawt 
 are mecht cooma kutsa far mich bis ich gingt un daid en 
 drink greega far my mawga uff toona. 
 
 Mere hen en grosse tseit g'hot far hame cooma. Won 
 ich so long laeb will ich dere my un em Billy si adventure 
 uff shriva in foil de naixt woch. 
 
 HAME FUN DER FRIHEIT CONVENTION. 
 
 DE ledsht woch husht du mich farlussa by em Billy 
 Bixler im gutter. Now will ich dere es ivverich fun min- 
 era shtory gevva. 
 
 Unser geld wore fart un mere wora weit fun hame. 
 Mere sin nuff on de 'Sociation shtoop un ni gagooked. Es 
 wore olles ous-g'flooga un shtill except der ga-rooch fun 
 em beer un whiskey woo in rotta fodder ga-draid wore. Xo 
 in mime droovel hov ich on de Polly ga-denked. Es is 
 ordlich dos mer net on der goot rode fun unsera wiver 
 denkt b:s mer si foos in der foil hut. Ich hob em Billy 
 g'sawt mere daida nunner gae un en drink greega, un we 
 mere unser heiflin tzomma ga-doo hen huts sivva cent 
 g'mauched. Mere sin in en saloon un hen g'frogt for en 
 whiskey jigger. 
 
 "Ere gooked hardt," hut der baar-tender g'sawt. 
 "Ware sint ere?" 
 
 "Ich bin der Boonastiel fum Hawsa Barrick," hov ich 
 g'sawt, "un des is der Billy Bixler fum sama blotz. Mere 
 sin doh g'west on dara anti-prohibition convention un sin 
 awenich in der boox cooma."
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 41 
 
 "Well, well," hut are g'sawt, "delegates tsu der 'Fri- 
 heit Licker 'sociation.' Ich het sell net ga-denked. Eer 
 gooked mae os we delegates tsura loomba factory. Het eer 
 geld far de drinks tsu batzawla?" 
 
 "Nae," hov ich g'sawt, "awver well mere doh wora 
 geshter un hen ordlich geld g'shpent by deer, un wora doh 
 onera convention in da indressa fun da licker menner, hov 
 ich gadenked du daidst farlight's uffsetza." 
 
 "Hoons boona ! nows mit ich !" hut are g'sawt. 
 "So karls huts feel. Nows mit eich, odder ich greek my 
 hevvel !" 
 
 Oh, far em Hullerheck si scrwartze buddle ! Ich wore 
 woonerbawr dorshtich. Ich hob baw-woll g'sphoutsed un 
 ich het my nia shtiffel gevva far an drink, awer ich wore tsu 
 spunkich tsu bedla, un ich bin on der rigel-wake un hob em 
 bresident woo de tickets far-kawft g'sawt dos ich het garn 
 en pass far hame gae, wile ich aw on ma rigel-wake bowa 
 ware. Are hut mich aw ga-gooked we en narisher un hut 
 g'sawdt, "rats." Now we der dihenker os ar' selly rotta 
 shtory shunt ous-g'foona hut waege mere un em Billy im 
 gutter hov ich gore net ous maucha kenna, awver ich hob 
 erne g'sawdt are mecht tsum dihenker gae mit sina passa un 
 ich daid hame gae. Finf-un-fartzich mile fun hame, kare 
 tsu der "Friheit Licker 'Sociation" un nix tsu drinka ! 
 Wons so drooka is finf-un-fartzich mile fun hame, we muss 
 es si in Kansas ! 
 
 Es is uns derno ei cooma os mere besser hame shtarta 
 daida. Mere wora nuch frow far de "friheit" far hame 
 lawfa, far en mon oona geld in ma fremma lond hut far- 
 flomt wenich friehit, derno mawg are tsu wos kara os are 
 will. Mere sin im asel pawt om canawl nuff g'shtart. Ich 
 fonna hare, der Billy hinna noach. Mere sin fart g'luddled 
 ufF da match un endlich hame cooma. De Polly hut on 
 mere g'ductered far dri dawg un hut about en si-kivel foil 
 linament on mina bae farriva un en foss full poultiss far- 
 shmered uff mina fees, don hov ich widder lawfa kenna, 
 awver von der Harr mere my gooter farshtond lust don
 
 42 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 gane ich nimmy weider fum Hawsa Barrick aweck oona 
 geld os ich en fier hoonered pund bull om schwontz hame 
 schmisa con. 
 
 EN SIFFER. 
 
 ICH hob en ni blawt gadraid in meim Iseva un ich feels 
 my duty dere's tsu shriva. 
 
 We ich un der Billy Bixler fun sellera "Prohibition 
 Friheit Licker 'Sociation" meeting hame cooma sin hen 
 mere hardt gagooked, we ich dere g'sawt hob on der tzeit, 
 wile mere tsu feel fun der Constitutonal Amendment 
 g'schlooked hen g'hot. Well, we ich moll widder law fa 
 hob kenna waega mina wsea fees bin ich nooner tsu'm Hull- 
 erheck far ebbes ous der schvvartza buddle greega far my 
 mawga uff toona. We ich tsu der deer ni cooma bin is der 
 Sam hinnich em baar rows g'luffa, en shtool on der uffa 
 g'setzed un sich druff g'hucked un de fees in de h?e 
 g'shtecked. Ich bin on der baar un hob motions g'maucht 
 os are coomed. Are hut sich net farraiked. Don hov ich 
 g'frogt, "Wos is lets, Sam?" 
 
 "O, nix," hut are g'sawt, "usht du consht kens nine 
 hovva." 
 
 "Mauch ken ferflompts kolb fun dere !" hov ich g'sawt. 
 Ich bin gor dihenkers doshtich un will ebbes hovva far my 
 mawga uff toona." 
 
 "Ich cons net helfa, Gottlieb, awer ich darf dere kens 
 mse gevva." 
 
 "Ware hut's g'sawt?" 
 
 "De Shtate fun Pennsylfawny."' 
 
 "Farwass?" 
 
 "Wile du en siffer bisht." 
 
 "Dunner-uns-gnoll eisa," hov ich g'sawd, "bisht du un 
 de Shtate fun Pennsylfawny in paerdnership ?" 
 
 "De Shtate gebt mere de arlawving licker tsu ferfawka, 
 un ich muss era helfa." 
 
 "Helfa in wos? Siffer maucha un derno se ob-choka. 
 Ware drinked shunsht os siffer?"
 
 FUM BOONASTiEL. 43 
 
 Der Sam is uff g'luffa on .de deer, se uff g'maught un 
 mere nows gawissa. Ich bin oonich de deer, my hond em 
 Sam onna g'longed un hob g'sawt: 
 
 "Sam, good-bye* Luss uns net fun nonner gse. ols 
 find. Unser freindshoft wore sees. Far tswonsich yohr 
 hov ich oonich dem doch g'hucked, g'schmocked, gadrunka 
 u n gablowdered. Yetz hut's en end. Ich bin droona 
 un du husht mich helfa onna do. Now weisht du un de 
 Shtate fun Pennsyl fawny mere de deer. Ich bin nuch en 
 mon. Gook mich aw. My hussa sock woo es elf bens 
 shtick hsebt woo de Polly mere usht gevva hut far en drink 
 greega is es ainsiched gons ding os mse on mere is. Ich 
 hob a pawr boweria g'schloked. Gook mere amohl der hols 
 nunner. Consht ebbes ssena ? Good-bye Sam. Doh is nuch 
 en arlich hartz oonich dem farissna ruck. Ich blame dich 
 net awver ich saen woo ich bin. Coom mich saena in ma yohr 
 fun now." Ich hob nuch se gooter longer gook in de shtoop 
 g'numma. Der Billy Bixler, Sam Seeshuls, Fridder Shenk- 
 elmoyer, Mike Dubrigel, Bill Bifflemoyer, Sammy Sen- 
 sawetzer. un oil de goota karls wora mere in da awga, duch 
 wore nemond in der shtoop. Ich hob g'shpeered dos ich 
 heila muss un ich bin aweck ga-draid un fart galuffa. Ich 
 con dere sawga, en mon feeled schlecht oonich so umshtenda, 
 un we ich hame cooma bin hut de Polly mich g'frogt wos letz 
 ware. Ich hob era g'sawt ich daid net goot feela, un se is ni 
 in de kommer far widder tzae cent greega os se greeked hut 
 g'hot fum Hullerheck far wesha, awver ich hob era g'sawt 
 ich het ken use mse far's. 
 
 DER BUTCHER-DAWK. 
 
 BOLL coomed de butcher tzeit un derno gebts metsel 
 soop un brode-warsht. Mindsht du nuch os-sell ains fun 
 da grossa dawga wore uff der boweri by uns boova ? Consht 
 du dich nuch arinera we seller dawg ols cooma is we mere 
 uns ols g'fraid hen far de si fonga un saena es beef sheesa. 
 Long far dawg morgets is ols der dawdy uff g'shtonna uns
 
 44 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 fire unich em kessel g'shtart far de si breea. Ains noch em 
 onera sin de nuchbera by cooma mit olde blechne loddarna. 
 We's amohl hell g'nunk warra is far saena is es ons si sheesa 
 gonga. Generally ols nine tsu tzse gosse, fetty si huts ga- 
 kusht. About tzse uhr sin mere nows g'shicked warra fars 
 beef ous em shtol driva for dote maucha. Wos is ols unser 
 hartz ga-jumped bis es ga-groched hut un are is um ga- 
 batzeled. Eb middavvg hut de chopper-machine awfonga 
 glebbera un es warsht filsel is awfonga in der tzoover rulla. 
 Es flaish far de lever warsht hut im kessel ga-kuched un 
 wos hen mere duch ols si-neera g'essa un gronk warra un 
 ga-kutzed. Im nummy-dawg, about fier uhr, is es warsht 
 shtuppa aw-gonga un sell hen mere ols about es mensht en- 
 joyed fun ebbes, awver about selly tzeit huts g'hsesa: "Boova, 
 gaid un doot eir feederes." Mere hen net g'wart far es 
 tswet mohl g'sesa wara un hen aw net long tzurick gamowled 
 we de boova doona heitsa-dawgs. Em dawdy si shtiffel 
 wora ous harnish ledder g'mauched un hen em usht shae g'fit 
 oonich da ruck-fligel. Uff em wake nows nuch der shire 
 ssena mere de schwartz kotz uff em beef womper hucka un 
 de hinkel shtaena room uff ame bse un warda far era welsh- 
 karn. Der si-shtoll is lahr un der hoond hucked hinna draw 
 un frest om beef kup. Bis mer unser hoy, shtrow un welsh- 
 karn fooder runner g'shimissa hen g'hot, de gile gadrenked 
 uns fee g'feedered, un olla-ga-but anes obg'fuchta don wore 
 der g'shposs so tzimlich far-ivver un es nocht essa wore 
 reddy. Brode-warsht, lever-warsht, roonde kichlin un ebbel- 
 boy. Un derno is es g'schwetz awgonga: 
 
 "Du husht de warsht tzimlich goot ga-druffa." 
 
 "Yaw, awver se hen blendy sols." 
 
 "Ich mane se heta awenich mse ka-yonner hovva kenna." 
 
 Un so gaits um der dish room. Yaders hut si sixpense 
 tsu gevva un gli is der dawg far-ivver der dawg woo mere 
 uns shunt wocha wise g'fraid hen druff. Woo wore der 
 g'shopss ? Mer con en net saena. Un duch wore der butch- 
 er-dawg anes fun da grossa dawga im yohr uff der boweri.
 
 FUM BOO NASTIER. 45 
 
 DER DONKS-DAWG. 
 
 HEIT is der dawg os der Governor fore-g'setzed hut 
 far donk tsu gevva. Es hut feel leit os gor net wissa wos 
 es mained. Dale maina es ware en dawg for sich roond foil 
 welsh-hinkle fressa un derno gronk wara druff. Der 
 mensch con en sow fun sich maucha so g'schwint ivver em 
 fressa os om sow fa. Ich gleich server om dish si woo en 
 welshawna farrissa wardt net os ich welsh-hinkle gleich, 
 awver es is olsfart ebbes gootes mit farboona. Feel liet 
 gaena tsu grosse expense far era essa uff greega arbar- 
 dich so familia os reich sin. Derno donka se Gud os se 
 so goot aw cooma mit longa ga-bader awver denka net 
 draw os farleicht eram naixta nuchber si kinner hungers- 
 note leita. Husht du in dime laeva draw ga-denked os ma 
 orma mensch mit helfa en feel grsesere blesseer is os we 
 en grose middawg essa ous em wake shoffa? Es sin feel 
 leit os olsfart donk gevva wile sell ken geld kusht, un won 
 net grishdadoom fry ware don daida se ken fib-en-a-bit 
 gevva derfore. Orma leit mit helfa mauched en long un 
 harlich Iseva. Der mon woo nix gebt tsu nemond dare is 
 we en wasser pond os net ous lawfed. Es wasser is gree 
 un shlimich un grudda un shlonga hucka uff der bank. By 
 ena coomed olles ei un nix gaid ous. Der mon woo ols- 
 fart gebt is we es barrick wasser. Es greeked feel un gebt 
 olles os es greeked. Woos onna lawfed sin de felder gree, 
 de fegel singa uff da bame un de ferrella sheesa drin room 
 we wedderlaecha. Es wosser lauched un donsed un 
 joomped mit freida. Mer gleiched es wasser drinka un 
 mer con sich net tsu naixt dertzoo hucka won mer meed 
 is. Es hucked sich nemond naixt on en greene wasser 
 pond far blesseer soocha. So is es mit em geitziche mensch. 
 Are gebt nix un grotzed olles tsu sich we en grebbs. 
 Are schwetzed fun nix os geld, un lond, un welshkarn, un 
 si ; un won du erne long g'nunk tsu horriched gebt are 
 dere's shiddla. So doots gree, shlimich wasser. Ich bin 
 en awrmer mon, awver so farhoftich os ich dere's sawg.
 
 46 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 won ich's afforda kent don ware my graeshte blesseer so 
 awrmy dihenker mit helfa. 
 
 Awver si wee's will, ich hob my g'soondheit, un ae 
 jigger ous der schwartza huddle maucht mich ols so reich 
 feela os der Jay Gould ols hut, wo g'sawt hut are daid ae 
 millune dawler gevva won are si niralligy cura kent. Es 
 sin hoonert fun oldte weipsleit doh om barrick os msena 
 se hetta ene cura kenna, awver won are oil es ga-grider 
 g'numma het os ich hob we ich der gickser g'hot hob ware 
 are dote gonga long eb are is. Yaw, es hut yaders ebbes 
 far donkbawr si. Der porra Mohler is donkbawr os are 
 si loo greeked olla fardle yohr, un de leit sin donkbawr os 
 se en porra hen os es effongaleum recht ous Isega con. 
 Der Hullerheck is donkbawr os are en gooter hondle ivver 
 der baar g'hot hut dorrich es letsht yohr. Der Mike Bixel 
 is donkbawr os are net g'fonga is warra we are em Sam 
 Seeshuls si sida flaesh g'shtola hut, un der Jeckey Haw- 
 nayarick is donkbawr os si schware tswa bletz ga-agened 
 hut. De Polly is donkbawr os se nuch era Gottleib hut un 
 ich bin donkbawr os ich nuch my leeve Polly hob. 
 
 Se sawga de weldt wardt besser, awver ich glawb net 
 os donk gevva feel helft won mer net ols ebmohls ebbes 
 noach sheebed. Won der oldt Sammy Sendapetzer heit 
 in de karrich coomed un bade bis are u-mechtich wardt don 
 si net farshrucka. Usht haeb ernes glingle-seckly unich de 
 naws, un are coomed tsu. 
 
 DE HOUSE-BUTZ GICHTERA. 
 
 DE weisel un de house-butz gichtera hen shunt a pawr 
 wucha in der Polly g'schoft un ich wore uff der hufnung 
 os se daida net ous brecha, awver em Moondawg morga 
 eb ich uff wore hov ich's ols hara dunera im house room 
 un endlich bin ich ons f enshter don sane ich en shoop- 
 karrich im hofe shtae mitera lot kolic druff. Ich hob long 
 g'shtuddied eb ich net uff's doch groddla will un roofa far 
 hilf. Endlich bin ich nunner far my morga-essa don hut
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 47 
 
 de Polly g'sawt de weisel bisniss ware olles ready far ni 
 shtarta. Now hov ich g'wist os se de gichtera far shure 
 hut un ich hob g'sawt ich ware net in der weisel bisniss. 
 Ich hob's net g'wist, awver se hut de Sexfoos Betz ga- 
 dinked g'hot far helfa house butza, un se hut era garoofa 
 un hut g'sawt se het garn os se (de Betz) awennich im 
 gorda shoffa daid far breckfesht. Ich denk es wore ous- 
 gamauched by eena, anyhow de Betz is cooma un hut 
 g'sawt ich set now shae ons weisla gse. Ich hob era g'sawt 
 der divel set mich uff drenna we en oldter henshing won 
 ich selle f ense weisla daid ; don hut se g'sawt der divel 
 ware usht now bissy on onera fowl-lenser om barrick un 
 are het se appoint en deputy far a pawr dawg. Now, de 
 Betz is gabowed uff der Norman Percheron blan mit bae 
 we sopling un de wauda es unnersht-eversht draw. Se 
 hut era armel uff gawickeled ivver era longa, bloa, flex- 
 icha aerem un in de hend g'shpoutsed far on de bisniss. 
 Ich hob anyhow net goot g'feeled, awver we ich de Sex- 
 foos Betz ssena hob far mere shtae in eram kartza unner- 
 ruck hov ich in meim hartz gawinshed ich het nix g'sawt 
 waega weisla, odder der divel ware selver cooma on blotz 
 fun sime deputy. Ich hob explaina wella, awver se hut 
 en shpite uff mich shunt long g'hot, un es arsht os ich 
 g'wist hob hut des looder mich om shuvvel g'hot un my 
 farshta hen der gibbel fun ma blawma bawm ob g'shloga. 
 Ich hob ga-garisha se set net so es obsht fardserva, awver 
 se wore tsu bissy mich tsu hara un evva derwedder 
 g'mauched bis se oil de shulla farschloga hut g'hot mit 
 mere os uff meim nia tswivvla lond wora. We se mich 
 endlich gae galust hut hov ich mich petsa missa far ous 
 finna eb ich nuch lavendich bin. Icfh bin awver grawd 
 ons weisla wile ich immer drin bin far shtride ous der 
 householding holdta. De Polly is nochderhond rows 
 coomma un hut mich g'frogt wos mich so blaich gooka 
 maucha daid. Ich hob g'sawt ich het's so om hsertz. Ich 
 wore tsu shtulls far uff-agena os ich ga-garrebed bin warra 
 fun der Betz, un hob era g'sawt won ich net tsu feel fun ma
 
 48 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 gentlemen ware far en weipsmensch scbloga don het ich 
 se gor dunner-hawgels ga-glupped. De Polly hut galocht 
 os se shier era folshe tzaen g'shlooked hut, un hut mich 
 derno g'frogt wos mich so yamera het maucha we ich un 
 de Betz on annonner g'west wora. Sell hut mich ga- 
 convinced os der job uff gadoo wore uff mich un ich bin 
 grawd owvets nunner tzu'm 'Squire Lawbuck far my l?eva 
 uff se schwara. Der 'Squire hut g'sawt es ware ken coon- 
 shtawbler om barrick os de Betz tackla wet, un are kent 
 nix do far mich. Ich hob usht derno g'ssena we ich in der 
 g'fore wore. Ich hob de fense ooms house room now 
 shunt dri mohl ivver gaweiseled de woch un ich holdt aw 
 so long os de Betz doh is won ich oil der kolic uff use om 
 barrick. 
 
 EN SH^DA-BRIEF. 
 
 DE Polly wore amohl en boomerawlish shse maidel. 
 Se hut sex lawyer un finf ducter der henshing gevva far 
 mich. Far awile noch dem dos mere g'hired wora wore 
 ich ga-considered der glickliched mon om Barrick, awver 
 ich het gli garn my glick farhondled uff en shaner hoond, 
 un derno der hoond g'shussa. Mere hen 'nonner net 
 recht farshta kenna. Se hut an gototer tzarn g'hot fum 
 shtart un ich wore net weit ob wons on's fechta gonga is. 
 Es is uns en koo farrecked. Se hut g'sawt se het der wolf 
 om schwontz g'hot un ich hob g'sawt se het hola harner. 
 Mere hen g'shtritta far en gonse woch derwsega. Derno 
 hut se de tzooker bowl ferbrucha un ich hob awenich 
 g'shulta. Don hut se g'sawt ich ware mean un geitzich, 
 un mere hen en gonse woch net tsu 'nonner g'shwetzed. 
 Ae dawg hen mere en fecht geeked waga em himmel. tin 
 so is es fart gonga bis mere agreed hen en shgeda-br'.ef 
 greega un yaklich si agenger wake dravela. Ich bin noach 
 em shtettle far en lawyer greega far de ardickle uff shriva, 
 un ich bin net hame cooma bis shpote. Es wore en dunk- 
 ley nocht un -es licht in der k : ch hut mich aw-g'hameled.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 49 
 
 awver ich wore om shtickel uff tzeega un es wore now ken 
 tzeit g'west far shtuppa. Ich bin ni un doh wore es besht 
 nocht-essa uff em dish os ich in mime laeve g'ssena hob. 
 De coffee kon hut g'shmoked uff em uffa ; midda uff em 
 d.sh wore en grosser deller foil ponno koocha g'shtonna. 
 Se hut g'wist os ich ponna koocha gleich. Em lawyer si 
 bobbeer wore in mime ruck-sock g'shtucka, .un wile ich om 
 essa wore hut se es g'watched \ve en oldte kotz en mous. 
 We ich fardich wore essa hov ich em lawyer si bobbeer 
 ous mime sock una ebbes g'schwetzed un era es he g'longed. 
 Se hut awennich ga-kesa, wos se hut kenna, un sell wore net 
 feel wile ma lawyer si shrives hard tsu laesa is wons amohl 
 kold is don hut se g'sawt : 
 
 "Gottlieb, du husht mere tsu feel gevva. Es house, 
 de koo, de tzwa si, un de helft fum geld. Du husht yo nix 
 g'lust far dich selver." 
 
 "Well," hov ich g'sawt, "ich con shoffa far en laeva un 
 du consht net. Ich hob farsphrucha dich tsu enera we 
 ich dich g'hired hob, un ich tzail wosevver os happened 
 mit mere, sell farsphrecha will ich holda." 
 
 De Polly is uff g'joomped, mich um der hols greeked 
 un mich es arsht mohl g'bussed in edlicha yohra. 
 
 Ich hob's 'greement in der uffa g'shmissa, un selly 
 nocht hov ich se widder ga-karraseered we in oldta tzida. 
 Mere hen agreed de koo naivich de tzooker-bowl fer- 
 grawva, un so weid os der himmel concerned wore, hen 
 mere ous g'moched an branch establishment uff der ardt 
 shtarda. 
 
 Des is der foil mit feel familia in dara weldt. Se 
 doona 'nonner net farshta bis es besht dale fun eram 
 g'hireda laeva farflugga is. Won my experience, anich 
 blesser bringt tsu dina laser don sin se wilcoom dertsu. 
 
 GRISKIXDLIN KAWFA. 
 
 Bis du widder fun mere haelrsht sin de Grishdawg ferby. 
 Ivverall woo mer haerdt sin se om reddy greega far Grish- 
 dawgs Bame un Festivals. Consht du nuch tsurick denka
 
 5O CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 tsu da dawga we mere glaena boova by anonner wora? 
 Sella mohls hut ols de mommy yader fun uns en bond-foil 
 keshta gevva, -en shtick belly-guts, un en koocha-gowl od- 
 der tswae gabocka. Wos wora mere ols so goot g'satisfied 
 mit unseram Grishkindle. Won der Bellsnickle ols room 
 cooma is don het ich mere de howd fum buckle hocka 
 lussa far en hoad-foll grundniss. Sell wore in da goota oldta 
 tzeida woo der Pope g'sawt hut : 
 
 "Pleased with a rattle, 
 Tickled with a straw." 
 
 Olla wile won de Grishdawg cooma don missa bushel- 
 wise tzooker, oranges un fina niss by far da kinner bouch-wae 
 maucha, un derno sin se net g'satisfied. In yohra tzruick we 
 ich un du gonga sin de maid ssena hen mere ena ols era 
 Grishkindlin gevva mit a pawr shtenglin rhode-shtraficher 
 tzooker un en buss; mere sin derno ols gablivva bis mere 
 reddy wora far hame gae. Of course, uftmohls hen ols de 
 hawna ga-graid eb ich ous der Polly eram house cooma bin, 
 awver ich hob de hawna net blama kenna es wore era 
 tzeit far graea. Ollaweil missa de yunga boova era maid 
 en guldner ring odder so gor en guldne watch bringa uff 
 de Grishdawg, un derno darfa se usht bliva bis elf uhr far 
 karaseera. Now, karaseera kusht nix uff kernera side, un 
 doh hare maen ich set's net so dire si. Mere hen ols feel 
 mae karaseeres for unser geld greeked os we de boova now 
 doona. Un se sawga mere es daid olla yohr haicher cooma. 
 Doh on der ledshta court hut aner tswae hoonert dawler ba- 
 tswaled far si maidel ninetzae nochta karaseera. 
 
 Awver ich bin fun minera Grishdawg subject cooma 
 un mich farluffa on karaseera. Es is mae g'shposs os en 
 circus. 
 
 Ich will ae wardt sawga tsu da yunga boova woo era 
 maid bresents maucha wella uff de Grishdawg. En fer- 
 shtennich maidel will nix besser's hovva far en bresent os 
 we de attention fun ma nica. sobera, uffrichticha, schmarta 
 yunga mon. Dale maid gleicha en boo usht far de bresents
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 51 
 
 os are ena gebt. So en maidel is net waert tsu hovva. Ich 
 hob shunt boova gakent os era maid behenked hen mit guldna 
 finger un ora ring bis se ken geld mae hen g'hot far awfonga 
 householda we se g'hired hen. Soondawg morgets is de yung 
 fraw in de karrich cooma mit guld on era ora un finger. 
 Noach der karrich is se hame un era middawg essa ousera 
 shtore-box greeked se wora tsu orem far en shonk kawfa. 
 My yunger freind, do mae geld in de kich un net se feel in 
 der parlor shpend mae geld noach dem hira un net so feel 
 derfore. De kich is far dich un de fraw der parlor far de 
 coompany. De coompany findt mas blesseer inera shaena kich 
 woo f reeda in der householdting is os we im reichshta parlor 
 woo shtride dahame is un luss mich dere sawga, en shtore- 
 box far en shonk mawg do so long os de leeb blind is, awver 
 sell is usht nine dawg, we en yunge kotz. 
 
 In kartza wardta, my yunger friend, won du di maidel 
 tzaslsht tsu hira kawf era nix os du era net gevva daidsht 
 won du se shunt g'hired hetsht. Kawf era nix dires except 
 du consht's goot afforda, un derno, by freeda, nix u-nadich. 
 Geld is tsu hardt tsu greega far es u-nadich aweck shmisa, 
 un won di maidel dich net gleiched wile du ken norr bisht 
 don luss se tsu'm dihenker gae se is dich net waerdt. 
 
 Der Boonesstiel kawft olsfart ebbes os notewennich is 
 un net tsu dire far si darrer geld-sock. De Grishdawg kawft 
 are der Polly en fungle-nair sheena-basum. Derno won se 
 widder de house-butz gichtera greeked im freeyohr hut se 
 ebbes far era tzarn ous eva. Der Billy Bixler hut der Sex- 
 foos Betz aw en Grishkindle gakawft. Es sin dri beck 
 hickerniss, un are will se in anes fun era shtrimp do. 
 
 KNECHT SHOFFA. 
 
 ICH hob shunt dri-un-fartzich mohl obg'shwora fun 
 drinka sell wore olla ni-yohr sidder os ich dreisich yohr 
 oldt wore. Des ledsht ni-yohr hov ich en ni blawd gadraid 
 un hob net ob-g'shwora. Ich hob awver mi mind uff 
 g'mauched widder besser tsu do, awver ich hob nix far-
 
 52 CHOICE SELECTION' 
 
 shprucha. Der oldt trick far ob-shwara so os mer g'frogt 
 wart far drinka hut shunt em ledshta ni-yohr nimmy g'shoft 
 mit em Hullerheck. Es hen shunt tsu feel fun sina cus- 
 tomers seller gag uff ene greeked, un are is awfonga tsu 
 en oldter hawna far mit shprow g'fonga tsu wara. Fer- 
 sprecha maucht shulda un der leeb Gud wase os ich shunt 
 ollaweil g'nunk fun sella hob. 
 
 Ich hob mich fardinga wella der naixt summer far my 
 shulda batzawla, un ich bin tsu'm oldta Sammy Sendapetzer 
 der onner dawg un hob ene g'frogt wos are mere gevva daid 
 far uff sinera boweri shoffa. Are hut mich g'frogt wos ich 
 shoffa kent. Ich hob erne g'sawt sheer anich ebbes : blooga 
 (mit ma sulkey block), hoy-recha, der gowl rida far walsh- 
 karn blonsa, noach der meel fora, g'scharr wesha, bigela, 
 house-butsa, wisela, un sheer anich ebbes os en weips- 
 mensch do con, except en dutzent wesh shpella ins mowl 
 nemma ivver em wesh uff henka un on der sama tzeit der 
 nuchbor's fraw de recheri fum Barrick fartzsela ivver de 
 hinner fense. Der oldt Sammy hut arlawbt ich mist hend- 
 ich si un hut mer grawd sivva dawkr der moonet gabudda. 
 
 "Un de kusht?" hov ich g'sawt. 
 
 "Of course." 
 
 "Well," hov ich g'sawt, "sell is en ordlich grose ding by 
 mere. Ich bin en grosser esser. Ich bin hungerich gabora, 
 un hob mich net sot gessa in sivva yohr. Won ich's hob don 
 ess ich finf mohl der dawg, mit kase un brote g'shwisha 
 drin." 
 
 "Dunner-uns-gnoll-eisa," sawgt der Sammy. "Wos 
 daidsht nemma un de gons tzeit fressa!" 
 
 Sell hut mich grawd about holver fortzarndt. Are hut, 
 denk ich, nix derby g'mained awver es hut wiesht g'lowed, 
 un ich hob usht my mind uff g'mauched won an ormer mon 
 sich nimmy sot essa darf don is es tzeit os are sich hengt. 
 Mer muss anyhow ferdiveled hard shoffa far des wenich 
 Iseva. 
 
 Won ich ken blotz greek bis freeyohr far uff en boweri 
 gae don mauch ich fart on mina patent-rights. Ich hob wid-
 
 tfUM BOONASTIEL. 53 
 
 der tn imbroofment uft" my single-track, self-balancing 
 reigel-wake g'mauched. Ich hobs now arranged far es 
 wasser kocha far der shteem maucha far es ding shprenga 
 eb ich's in der boiler do. Ich bin aw onera burglar-proof 
 safe inventa ane os mer en biss-kotz ni shpara con. Ich 
 defy der rawver os long inera safe room shtart won en biss- 
 ketzel sich drin eebed. Ich hob olles fardich now except es 
 biss-ketzel tsu fonga uns nunner nemma in Washingdon far 
 en patent druff greega. 
 
 GEB MERE DUWOCK. 
 
 onner owet wore ich drunna ons Hullerhecka in 
 der baar-shtoop g'hucked. Es wore kold un d-er Huller- 
 heck hut olla-ga-but en shtick hickory huls in si oldter Hath- 
 away uffa g'shtecked far uns waurem holda. Um der uffa 
 room wora about en dutzent fun da Hawsabarger g'hucked 
 un g'wart far an kondadawt room cooma's uffsetsa. De 
 kondadawta missa oil om onera end fum county ga-operate 
 hovva selly nocht wile kenner ni cooma is, un en dorshtich- 
 ere farsomling hedsht du net wole finna kenna uff wide un 
 braid. Naive om uffa wore en grosse box mit sake-male 
 g'shtonna un der Mike Blotner hut usht en bluck Xavy 
 duwock room g'longed. Of course by uns Barrick karls is 
 an grosser bluck duwock sheer so feel aw-g'sa^na os en jig- 
 ger ous der schwartza buddle, un wile en bluck duwok gons 
 room gaid un kusht usht tzae cent is es olsfart feel hen- 
 dicher un wardt efter g'numma. Well mere hen g'wart un 
 g'wart, un ivver a wile hen mere widder g'wart un duch is 
 ken kondadawt room cooma. Endlich hut der Sam Schnitz- 
 ler awfonga schwetza \vsega goode socha tsu essa. Are hut 
 arlawbt dos en goode mess ebbel-dumblins we si fraw se 
 mauched ware about es besht ding in der weldt. Der Mike 
 Hovice hut eme tsu g'horriched awile un derno g'sawt won 
 are nuch amohl en shtick fun da oldta sart leb-koocha greega 
 kent woo mer ols far oldters on da fendoo gakawfed hut, 
 don ware are reddy far en contract maucha druff tsu laeve.
 
 54 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Der Sam Schnitzler hut arlawbt en goote wasser-milloon 
 ware en kanich-essa un daid de shpots fun leb-koocha shloga. 
 Ich hob se usht gse g'lust un hob dervvedder ga-chawed on 
 mime duwock hob nix g'sawt awver hob feel ga-denked. 
 Endlich hut der Sammy Sensawetzer g'sawt os en gooter 
 mins-boy ware si choice un der Sam Seeshuls hut grawd ni 
 g'shtimmed mit em Sammy provided es ware blendy whiskey 
 im boy. Der Billy Bixler hut arlawbt es ware en sind 
 whiskey so fardarva. Endlich hut der oldt Sammy Senda- 
 petzer g'sawt os en goote reeb daid erne about so goot 
 shmocka os ebbes. Der Billy Bixler hut si aned awg tsu 
 ga-dricked nuch mere un der kup g'nucked so feel os tsu 
 sawga os der reich old ketzer laebed uff reeva wile are blendy 
 hut un con s-e net farkawfa. Der Mike Dubrigel hut g'sawt 
 mush un millich daid si obbadit dreffa, un der Fridder Mich- 
 elmoyer hut ga-picked uff de oldt sart sees-ebbel os ols 
 tz-eidich sin warra noach der arn ivver em misht forra, un so 
 hen se fardt ga-disbadeered un ich hob ols derw r edder ga- 
 kowed. Endlich is es room tsu mere cooma un der Jeck 
 Koonrawd hut mich aw-gagooked un hut g'sawt : 
 
 "Doh hucked der Gottlieb, un sawgt ken wardt. Wos 
 is di pick?" 
 
 "Well, boova," hov ich g'sawt, "ich bin net tzimberlich 
 awver far dawg ni un dawg ous, for morga, middawg, un 
 ovets, geb mere duwock." 
 
 "Bully far der Boonastiel ! Du bisht, by gosh, widder 
 recht !" hut der Hullerheck g'sawt. "Coomed uff, oil hands, 
 un nembt en jigger ous der schwortza buddle uff my gre- 
 ditt!" 
 
 Mere hen oil gadrunga tin's hut de schwortz buddle 
 g'schweeped. Der Hullerheck hut in der keller missa far 
 mae hulla awver are hut grawd en kivvel foil raega wasser 
 un en poond rhoder peffer mit far si barl widder uff filla.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 55 
 
 WARE SOLL ICH HIRA. 
 
 DER onner dawg hov ich en breef greeked fun ma 
 yunga mon uff der onner side em barrick, un des is der 
 breef un my answer: 
 
 MY LIEVER BOONASTIE& : Ich lase di breef fum Hawsa Barrick 
 olle woch un ich glawb os du en ordlicher leveler kup husht. Ich 
 will boll hira un hob en lot maid os ich hovva con, un ich wase net 
 welly tsu picka. Now het ich garn os du mer sawga doosht wos 
 fariche tsu nemma. 
 
 JOHNNY LOUSEKNICKER. 
 
 Well, Johnny, amohl es arsht will ich dere sawga os 
 hira en ferdulty kitzliche bisniss is. Es sin dri tzeida in 
 yader mensch sime laeve os wichtich sin : Gabora wara, 
 hira, un shtarava. Click in hira hut feel tsu do mit em 
 shtarava. En fraw os singa con we en omshel un bocked 
 brote we en wetz-shtae con dich gli in de avichkeit shicka, 
 awver se con dich net in der Himmel singa. Aney os 
 Latin un Greek laesed we en porra con di fees net waurem 
 holdta oony se shtupped di shtrimp. 
 
 De fact is, my yunger friend, won aney fun dina maid 
 gooter giles fershtond hut don henk tsu era we en yunger 
 bull-hoond tsu ma shtick lever. En maidel con olles laerna 
 in der shool un dahame os we gooter fershtond, un oona 
 sell is se net divels hola waerdt. En goote education is en 
 accomplishment, gooter fershtond is en necessity. Es 
 maucht gons wennich ous we en grosser howfa geld os era 
 dawdy odder di dawdy hut, won se net managa con don 
 ferfleegt eira reichdoom we der nevel far em wind. Es 
 mauched net feel ous we goot os aney de piano gluppa 
 con, won se booch-wsetsa koocha bocked os mer shoe mit 
 sola con, mauchts en mon net yusht hardt livich awver 
 base. En maidel os en gooter househelder is is feel 
 waerdt, except du bisht reich ganunk far se in baw-wull 
 wickla un url's shelf laiga. GatzifTer shtricka far um hem- 
 mer room bringt ken brode-waersht ins house, un novels 
 laesa kawfed em bubly ken frock.
 
 56 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 Hire far keb, awver hire net in dinera kelver-leeb. 
 shaeheit gaed usht so deef os de howd, awver gleichlich- 
 keit gsed far immer. Hire net for der reichdoom. Won 
 du sell mit greega consht oona farlusht coomed's hendich, 
 awver leeb far reichdoom gsed net haicher os der shmoke 
 fun freisher giles misht. Hire net far ous sholda cooma. 
 Settle tiff .eb do nunner settlesht. Fong glse aw. Fawr 
 net en gonser furniture shtore in di house im awfong, 
 awver greek shtick by shtick we du es afforda consht, un 
 du feelsht besser os won du es oil uff se mohl gakawfed 
 hetshed uff der inshtallment blan. 
 
 Won du se husht don treat se we en mensch un net 
 we en hoond. Shpend di owvet by era un net im wartz- 
 house. Holdt ken secrets fun era. Luss se wissa we 
 long os di geld-sock is un os de helft era is, un won se 
 derno gooter fershtond hut f rogt se dich far ken shtick glaad 
 os du net afforda consht tsu kawfa. En glaener greek is 
 besser os schlechter freeda, awver tzareff net oona du 
 musht, un derno luss se wissa ware de hussa wserdt. 
 
 Dale leit sawga hira is en ludderree. So is es aw, 
 awver der mon hsebt shier oil de tickets. En weipsmensch 
 is awenich we en parlor match. Mer con se long riva oona 
 fire greega, awver broveer amohl uff se tsu draida derno 
 dunnerts un weddered un shlocked ei woo mer net gooked 
 der fore. 
 
 EN MAIDEL FROGT UM RODE. 
 
 DE woch hov ich en brief greeked fum ma maidel un 
 des is was se sawgt : 
 
 LIEVER BOONASTIEL: Ich hob de onner woch di brief g'lsesa in 
 answer tsu sellem ytmga mon wo dich g'frogt hut wos farich maidel 
 os are picka sull for an fraw. Es wore en bully gooter advise fun 
 dere, un now hetta mere maid garn os du uns sawga daidst wos far 
 boova os mere hira sulla. 
 
 KASSY KISSINGER. 
 
 Well, Kassy, ich hob ken brief mse g'shriva tsu ma 
 maidel sidder os ich un de Polly ols mit-annoner in de
 
 FUM BOONASTllil,. 57 
 
 shool gonga sin im oldta rhoda shool-house on der grick, 
 awver wile du mich so en wichtiche question frogsht, will 
 ich dere en'farshteniche ondwart gevva. 
 
 Amohl es arsht, Kassy, broveer net far en parfecter 
 mon finna. Es wore amohl en oldter fylosofer by em naw- 
 ma Diogenese os gonse yohre tsu ga-brucht hut uff der 
 shtrose room lawfa mitera loddarn, far en parfecter mon 
 soocha tin hut derno kenner g'foona. Sheer oil de nienner 
 os gor net shlecht wora sin dode un im graub du konsht 
 era laves-lawf finna in da Soondawg shool bicher se sin 
 gons yung g'shtarva era gootichkeit hut se dote 
 g'mauched. De pawr os nuch bi uns sin, sin ous huls 
 g'mauched un shtasna fonna on glaeder shtora. En mons- 
 karl os ken faler hut hut aw ken force, un are greeked net 
 mae gootes ous dara weldt os en oldte glook os uff ma 
 welshkarn-grootsa breed. Farshtae mich awver net os ich 
 fahler gleich im ma mensch, awver ich bin en menscha 
 freind, un era fahler cooma mit we de knucha mit em flaish. 
 
 Dale fahler muss mer sich awver heeda derfun. Won 
 en yunger mon bragged wos en gooter mon as are is bi der 
 amount beer os are saw fa con oona g'suffa wara, don is es 
 g'falich os si mawga graeser is os si harn un si dorsht grae- 
 ser os si farshtond. 
 
 En boo os nix hut far ene recommenda os der reich- 
 dum fun seim fodder tsu dum tsu larna un tsu fowl tsu 
 shoffa is en g'farlich investment, un won du ene in sida 
 hiresht farlusht du ene in kardoo. 
 
 En arlicher, uffrichticher, sobera, schmarter boo, os si 
 fodder un mudder ared un fulgt, is mas wardt os en tzae 
 ocker feld foil frotsicha dudes un mashers. 
 
 Won du derno en boo finsht os dich soot, shtick tsu 
 erne we en shilgrut tsu ma naeger singera lefts. Broveer 
 net we feel onera os du awtzeega consht, odder es gade 
 dere we em hoond woo ivver der shtaega bluk is mit ma 
 shtick flaish im mowl, woo noach em shodda im wosser 
 ga-bissa hut uns shtick flaish farlora. Es is usht ae ga-deer 
 os shlechter is os en dude un sell is en flirt. En arlich awk
 
 58 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 is mae wardt os en guldniche watcha-ket, un gooter far- 
 shtond os we grosser reichdum. En bluck-heisly foil or- 
 moot un leeb is mae wardt os en palace foil reichdum un 
 boss. Hire ken siffer mit der huffnung os du ene reforma 
 consht. Sel is shunt gadoo warra, awver won en yunger 
 mon net ganunk leeb far dich hut far en gentlemen si eb 
 are dich hired broucht du ene net blama far en sow warra 
 noch em hira. 
 
 Shtreck di feese nuch der deck un di glade noach em 
 shodda fun dime mon sime geld-sock. Shtae by erne won 
 are recht is, un fullick erne woo are farshtoned used, awver 
 luss ene net uff dich draida. Won are ebbes hovva will 
 tsu kicka kawf erne en gailer hoond. Won du net goot 
 kucha consht don broveer tsu larna. Hold dich sawver un 
 hibsh, un won don amohl es bubbly coomed, forlase es net 
 bis es shtinked os we en farshimmelder millich-hoffa. Do 
 en tzaum on di tzoong un hold dich ous shtride mit da 
 nuchbera ; si uff-ga-labed un fri, un won de socha dere ken 
 gooter mon maucha don ferhondel ene uff en hounse un 
 derno sheese der hounse. 
 
 EN RIDE UFF MA SI-BICKEL. 
 
 DER onner dawg is en karl on unser house cooma mit 
 ma si-bickel un hut mere aner farkawfa wella. En si- 
 bickel is en gadeer os usht tswa redder hut anes fonna un 
 anes hinna un doh fordt mer druff. Mer hucked sich uff 
 de longwid un draid mid de feese, feel we en schpin-rawd. 
 Es is uff der brinciple fun meim single-track, self-balanc- 
 ink rigel-wake, usht os mer des fora con oony en track un 
 used ken pole fars ding balanca. Ich wore ga-interest drin 
 grawd fum awfong wile ich bahawbt hob os es en infringe- 
 ment ware uff my patent-recht. Der agent is druff ga- 
 groddled un is fart g'fora so glot os en ole. Are is der 
 wake nunner un widder ruff. By sell tzeit wore de Polly 
 fun eram wesh-tzoover aweck un unich der deer g'shtonna 
 un den mon fun wooner aw ga-gooked. Derno hut der
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 59 
 
 agent g'sawt ich set amohl druff groddla uns broveera. 
 Ich hob erne g'sawt ich daid de scientific brinciples fun der 
 macheen shunt long farshtae un wist os ich fora kent os es 
 shmoka daid wile my rigel-wake der same wake shoffa 
 daid. Ich bin druff ga-groddled. Are hut g'sawt are wet 
 mich balance. Ich hob eme g'sawt ich breicht ene net, dos 
 are set mere usht seller rigel longa dart fun der fense un 
 ich wet eme wisa we mer so en masheen balanca daid. 
 Fonna on unseram house is en hocher hivvel un we ich 
 druff wore hov ich eme g'sawt are set mere en push gevva 
 so os we mer rooch-board ford. Es ding is ob-g'shtart os 
 we en fuggel. Ich hob fargessa tsu draida un hob de 
 spharr net farshtonna. Ivver awennich is es shunt shtar- 
 iger gonga os ich ga-used bin far so hivla nunner gse un 
 endlich is es g'shproonga we en dri yarich fill oony tzaum 
 ivver shtae un felsa un grawva un ob-weiser ae mohl uff 
 ame side em wake un de naixt minnutt uff der onera ga- 
 boomed un ga-blutzed un g'schnart os es fire g'flooga is. 
 Ich hob g'shpeered os es my ledshtes is un hob tzurick ga- 
 gooked noach der Polly far hilf. Se wore uff'm hivvel 
 g'shtonna mit da tswa hend in der has un ga-grisha os we 
 en narrishe. Derno is es mere ei-cooma os ich farleicht 
 des fardihenkert ding shtuppa kent won ich my regel 
 awek shmisa daid. Ich hob, un de naixt minnutt hut's 
 fedder rawd kartz rum ga-draid un derno hut's ebbes 
 gevva. Ich bin about fooftzae foos fonna nows g'flooga 
 dorich en fense un hob en folder-pushta un dri rigel ob 
 ga-brucha. De masheen is fry ivver de fense nows ga- 
 joomped un is holb- wakes noach em shtettle g'shproonga 
 eb se ous wind cooma is. Ich denk se hut oil der wind mit 
 g'numma. Ich hob anyhow kenner mae g'hot. Der agent 
 un de Polly sin runner g'shproonga cooma un hen mich 
 uff g'hova. Se hen g'mained ich ware dote. Endlich bin 
 ich tsu cooma un hob der agent g'frogt eb sell ga-deer uft 
 lose gingt un eb net my bae farbrucha wara. Are. hut 
 g'sawt my bae wara orick grum awver are daid net danka 
 os se farbrucha wara, un are daid aw net feel droom gevva
 
 60 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 won se wara, wile so en oldt kolb we ich der hols farbrecha 
 set. We se mich recht examined hen g'hot hen se ons 
 g'maucht ich ware net feel wae ga-doo un der agent hut 
 g'sawt won mere de fense fixa daida don daid are mich nix 
 charga far de ride. De Polly hut grawd agreed, awver hut 
 ene farshprecha maucha si laeva nimmy tzurick cooma. 
 Are is nunner ins feld un hut si masheen examined. Ich 
 hob net g'wist ebs era ebbes ga-doo hut, awver are hut 
 anyhow se uff der oxel hame ga-drawga. Der Billy Bix- 
 ler hut ene ons Hullerhecka g'saena un are hut g'sawt der 
 agent het g'flooched we olles \vile si masheen oil in huddla 
 ni farrissa wore. De longwid wore farboga, der aned 
 shamel ob gabrucha, de bocka fun der deixel wora hinner- 
 shich g'shtomma uns hinner rawd wore fonna. De Polly 
 hut mich garivva mit darabadeen un fet, un der naixt dawg 
 wore ich reddy far widder en race nemma uff' m single track, 
 self-balancing furwaisa. 
 
 Ich un de Polly hen now agreed uns en patent wesh 
 masheen greega onshtats en si-bickel un derno kenna mere 
 aw afforda ols noach em shtettle tsu foos fora. 
 
 ONERA LEICHT. 
 
 Es DOOT mere gons fun hartza laid tsu mentiona des- 
 mohl os my gooter freind, der Johnny Honnaberger. orick 
 in droovel is ollaweil. Si fraw is g'shtarva em ledshta 
 Somshdawg, un de leicht wore em Moondawg, un shier oil 
 de leit doh om Barrick hen gatend. Se wore gronk yusht 
 a paw dawg. Der Porra Mohler hut de leicht breddich 
 gadoo, un der Sam Schnitzler wore der fore-singer un es 
 letsht leedly os se g'sunga hen wore, won ich net letz bin, os 
 
 "Olla menscha missa shtarva, 
 Un olla uxa fressa hoy." 
 
 Ich bin net sure eb des de exacta wordta sin, awver es wore 
 anyhow ebbes waega hoy, derwake we der porra es ous 
 gevva hut.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 6l 
 
 Awer wos ich sawga will is des os s-e anes fun da 
 beshta un shmartshta wiver wore om gonsa barrick, far 
 se wore olsfart bissy, un hut ganunk geld fardeened mit 
 hardt shoffa os se de gons familia enaered hut. Se hut de 
 wesh arawet g'shoffed far sivva odder ocht familia. Shier 
 olla morga hut se ols wesh g'sommeled un hut se dahame 
 gawesha, un sella waik hut se aw goot aucht gevva kenna 
 uff de kinner un oil de house arawet shoffa derby. Der 
 Johnny hut mer uftmohls g'sawt os se olla wuch ols fun 
 dri bis fier dawler fardeened hut. Awver era dote is now 
 hart uff der Johnny. Ich hob geshter owvet mit erne 
 g'schwetzed un are hut mere g'sawt are wist now net woss 
 tsu do wile are nemond het far ene un si familia tsu enara, 
 un wos erne bong is is os are now nuch gor selver shoffa 
 muss un geld fardeena. Ich hob eme g'sawt are set bro- 
 veera de kinner nows tsu do unner fremme leit, far es sin 
 yusht dri de Sally, shunt fartzae yohr oldt un shmart ga- 
 nunk far era Iseva tsu fardeena, un der Billy is elf yohr oldt 
 un con aw sich selver helfa, un de Kitty is aw shunt nine 
 yohr oldt, un wile se so en fines maidly is hut's leit ganunk 
 os willins sin se tsu nemma un se uff tzeega. "Yaw," hut 
 der Johnny g'sawt, "awver we is es mit mere selver? Om 
 end muss ich now selver ons shoffa gse, anyhow ganunk far 
 my kusht un glaider fardeena." Un are hut aw g'hint os 
 won es mere aw so happena daid os de Polly shtarava daid 
 don ware es aw ordlich hardt uff mich. Sell is a\v so, won 
 ich es aw selver sawga muss. 
 
 Es hut wiver blendly ivverall, un mer con dri wiver 
 greega eb se maud, awer selly os shmardt ganunk sin ame 
 si Iseva fardeena, der waeg we em Johnny si fraw gadoo 
 hut un we de Polly doot far mich, sin ordlich rawr heitza- 
 dawgs. Ich will anyhow net huffa os es mere gait we em 
 Johnny, anyhow net bis ich un der Billy Bixler unser bully 
 A No. i First National Bank im gong hen. 
 
 De Betz Grill hut awver ebbes g'sawt os mich net suit. 
 So hut mer anyhow der Bill Bifflemoyer g'sawt. Se hut 
 g'sawt os de aurem dote fraw now feel besser ob is ps se 
 
 5
 
 62 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 wore, wile se de gons tzeit seller fowl-lenser, der Johnny 
 Honnaberger, enara hut missa, usht exactly we de Polly 
 seller farsuffa Gottlieb Boonastiel enared. Un now geb 
 ich aw notice os es arsht mohl os ich widder in de shtodt 
 gse roof ich aw beim lawyer un do en sasherashey rows 
 nemma un do de Betz reshta lussa beim shreef un no muss 
 se es broofa os ich en farsuffner loadle bin. Ich con's 
 broofa mit em Hullerheck os sell en leek is, wile ich tsu 
 sawga nee nix shtarickers drink os keffer-bree ous der 
 schwartza buddle, mitout ich bin in coombany odder by 
 mer selver. 
 
 EM BROWN-SEQUAD SI "LIFE LIXER." 
 
 ICH hob en shtick in der tzeidung g'ssena a pawr wucha 
 tzurick wsege da leit in Centre county woo maina de weldt 
 daid unner gae im naixta yohr. Ich hob es arsht net feel der- 
 fun gadenked, awver ich sse olla dawg socha os mich ersh- 
 towna un ich glawb, by ginerosity, boll os ebbes in sellem 
 glawva is. Es ledsht ding os mich glawva maucht os es 
 boll nuch em end tsu gsed is dem Ducter Brown-Sequad si 
 discovery far oldta leit yung maucha. Der ansicht wake os 
 mer ols g'wist hut far en oldter mon yung maucha wore ene 
 narrish wara lussa ivver de weipsleit won are about ochtzlch 
 yohr oldt wore. Ich hob shunt oldta karls gakent os era 
 shteck aweck g'schmissa hen on sellera eldt un hen gadonsed 
 won se en shse yung weipsmensch g'ssena hen. Awver der 
 ni wake far oldta leit yung maucha is frish bloot funera 
 yunga sow, ma kolb, shofe, odder hoond nemma, un sell 
 doona se mixa mit awenich whiskey, darbadeen, rhoder 
 peffer un so shtuft un sheesa es derno unich de howd fum 
 mensch mitera shtritz-bix, un in fin-f minnutta sin se so yung 
 un frish os se wora on tswonsich yohr. Der Duckter Bell- 
 singer doh om Barrick hut now aw de bisniss g'shtart un de 
 oldta leit cooma mila weis by un gaena hame so yung un frish 
 os era wiver un kinner se gor nimmy kenna data wons net 
 far era glaider ware. Fargeshter hut der ducter de Sexfoos
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 63 
 
 Betz dorrich de operation gadoo. Se hut's shunt sechtzich 
 yohr hara dunnera. Se hut ga-mained se het's obnemeda un 
 de leit doh om Barrick hen huffning g'hot der goot mon daid 
 se gons ob nemma so os mere se doh lose wara. Noach der 
 operation hut se g'sawt se daid feela we en harsh un we se 
 awfonga hut era longa arem room schwenka hen de mons- 
 leit oil importente bisniss ous der shtoop g'hot. Se is derno 
 nows, hut era hond uff en sex-rigel fense galaiked un is driv- 
 ver we en harsh buck. Of course, de monsleit hen sich oil 
 g'shemmed un hen en onerer wake nows ga-gooked we der 
 Betz era longa, b'oa, flexicha bae ivver der sext rigel gonga 
 sin. 
 
 Wile boll yaklicher mon un weipsmensch om Barrick 
 es gabroveered hen is de Poolly aw hinich mich cooma far en 
 dose nemma. Se hut g'sawd won's mich net dote maucha 
 daid don daid se es no aw broveera. Du consht awver saena 
 on meim pickter os es net feel effect g'numma hut uff mich. 
 De runsla sin nuch oil in meim g'sicht, un ich glawb net os 
 es mere so feel goot gado hut os we en j : gger ous der 
 schwartza buddle. Ich hob aw ga-broveered far ivver de 
 fense joompa we de Betz, awver es hut en wartzel mich 
 g'fonga in ma Inch fonna in meim shtiffel un hut mere der 
 gross tzse shier ob g'rissa. Ich hob net feel glawva draw, 
 awver feel leit hen, un won ebbes drin is don gook ous far 
 woon-erbawra socha. De lawda maucher missa farhungera, 
 de.grawb-shtae hocker missa ous der bisniss gas, de lawyer 
 hen ken eshtates mx uff tsu settla, un de awrema duckter 
 missa ons giles ducktera bis ebber ebbes ous findt far yunga 
 filler ous oldta gile maucha. Won de leit moll nimmy 
 shtarava don faricha se sich aw nimmy waega em deifel, un 
 sell shmised de porra aw ous bisniss. De kinner coomma, de 
 oldta shtarava nimmy. Se farmara sich we de hawsa on 
 unseram barrick, un de weldt waerdt so foil menscha os se 
 nimmy oil uff em lond shtae kenna un pusha anonner in der 
 sae, derno gook ous far es end fun der weldt ! 
 
 Mere wella awver nuch awenich worda bis mere haera 
 fun Centre county un saena wos arrangements os se ga- 
 maucht hen far's unnergae.
 
 64 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 WE MER G^ED FISHA. 
 
 WORSHT du in dime Iseva gonga fisha? Won du net 
 worsht luss mich dere ebbes derfun fartzsela. Mer maucht 
 amohl es arsht si mind uff far gx fisha sell nembt net long. 
 Derno gaid mer ins house un soocht oil de shtand un buro 
 shooplawda ous far ongla un lina. Won mer se net gravvd 
 findt don doot mer de hend so unich es soch in da shoop- 
 lawda un draits room. By selly tzeit coomed de fraw mit 
 ma hevvel un mauchts soch widder tsu-recht. Endlich findt 
 mer derno en oldte farrushte ongle in en korrick g'haigled 
 un en fowley line droom room ga-wickled. Won mer si 
 warrem ga-grawva hut don shtart mer far de greek. Mer 
 gaid de feddersht shtrose in fact mer daid dorrich fire gie 
 far der naixt wake on de greek, so os won un-g'fare aner 
 bisa will os mer aw dart is. Endlich henked mer don si 
 worrem ni un wardt far en bise. Won net aner grawd bised 
 don wardt mer nuch awile 1-enger, un won derno kenner 
 bised don hold mer evva aw wardta we derfore, un so maucht 
 mer fart bis ovets. Endlich coomed don so en glaener weed- 
 icher harn-chup os de ous-tzaring hut un rised der korrich 
 unichs wasser. Mer shpringt dobber onna un rised rouse. 
 Der fish un de line fleega miff in der gibble fun ma wasser- 
 pitch. Wile mer usht ae line hut don groddled mer nuff un 
 maucht se lose. Der chup wardt fowl un folt runner eb mer 
 gons onna coomed. Mer greeked si ongel runner, doot wid- 
 der en worrem draw, shpouts druff un henked en widder ni. 
 Mer fongt widder aw tsu wardta we derfore usht mae so. 
 Won mer fardich is warda derno rooked mer, un won mer 
 de recht sart bree hut far uffs bait shidda don folt mer in en 
 shlummer. Mer drawmed mer het en tzawm un en soddle 
 uff em Jonah seim wold-fish un daid im sse room rida. Won 
 amohl de moshgeeter un de umensa fardich sin uff em 
 feedera don wardt mer wocker un saed si korrich oonich em 
 wasser room law fa. M-er rised rouse, un usht won mer der 
 fish om lond hut don far-rised de line. Wos en wooner- 
 bawra fish muss sell gawest si. Olla mohl os mer draw
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 65 
 
 denked wardt are graeser un bis mer hame coomed wore are 
 so long os en fensa-rigel un so dick os en doora-pushta. Mer 
 nembt de alley far hame gae. Mer feeled os we en ga- 
 gashelder hounse. Won mer hame coomed don fartzaeled 
 mer wos grose unglick os mer g'hot hut mit dem grossa fish, 
 un bis mer fardich is leega hut mer ene shunt hous g'hot un 
 ous-g'numma we are widder ni ga-joomed is. Pawr dawg 
 dernoch fongt ebber en soona-fishly os^n shtick.fun der line 
 un di ongel im mowl hut. 
 
 Mer maucht si mind uff mer gaid immer-un-awich 
 nimmy fisha. Der naixt dawg coomed ebber un sawgt de 
 sucker daida gor woonerbawr bisa un in finf minnutta bisht 
 widder uff em wake far es same ding ivver maucha. 
 
 De fact is, de ansich definition os ich gevva con far 
 fisha is des : "En gart, mitera ongel un line on ame end, un 
 en farflompts kolb om onera." 
 
 ONERA HUCHTZICH. 
 
 MER mained, by chudes, ich het oil's schlecht glick in 
 der weldt. De ledsht woch hov ich mich widder in en far- 
 dihenkerty mess greeked. Du waisht em oldta Sammy 
 Sensawetzer si boo uff der onera side em barrick hut em 
 Billy Broombernickel si elshte duchter g'hired. Es wore 
 bakont g'mauched os de huchtzich daid ob cooma about nine 
 uhr em Fridawg ovet, un so glaena bobbeerlin wora nows 
 g'shicked far de leit invita. Ich hob kens greeked g'hot, 
 awver wile ich un der Billy Bombernickel ols ob-gawexeled 
 hen far fore-shnida in der arn far oldters hov ich ga-denked 
 se hetta mich fargessa un ich bin der Poly ob-g'shlipped un 
 bin nivver. 
 
 Now mind you, es wore en high-falootin affair. Des 
 maidel wore fart noach der shule g'west un hut en lot nia 
 socha g'saena un hut se mit on der barrick ga-brucht. Ich 
 winch usht du hedsht era dress saena kenna. Se wore mit 
 puffs, un rolls, un tucks, un frills bis se ga-gooked hut we en 
 oldte fasont os breed. Era dress wore wise mit ma
 
 66 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 schwontz draw os mer en knipp ni bina het kenna, un es 
 ewer dale wore tsu ga-decked mitma sart fun ma wolk- 
 shtramicha polly-ann. 
 
 Se hen mich awenich shep aw ga-gooked we ich ni 
 cooma bin, awver we ich ena g'sawt hob ich ware en reporter 
 far en tzeidung wors oil recht. Der porra Alohler hut se 
 g'hired, un we are fardich wore hut are de yung fraw ga- 
 bussed. Now, so bisniss we sell het ich amohl gor net ga- 
 glicha. Ich geb gor nix droom we oldt un heilich os de porra 
 sin se hen nuch oil era gnep hinich da ora. Ich wet anyhow 
 en gwart budder-milich os won de yung fraw so oldt un so 
 runtzlich g'west ware we my leevy Polly don het are se net 
 ga-bussed. Well de leit sin derno oil tiff g'shtepped un se 
 ga-congratulate. Es wore ebbes nias tsu mere, far we ich 
 un de Polly g'hired hen hut mer nuch fun ken so narheita 
 g'wist. Awver wile se oil nuff g'shtepped sin un ebbes 
 g'sawt hov ich ga-denked here goes far der Boonastiel bin 
 uff g'shtepped, un ini blots fun sawga "I wish you much 
 joyfulness," we de onera, hov ich by em dihenker g'sawt, 
 "How-de-do." Ich hob g'wist os es lets is ebs hous wore, 
 awver -es wore tsu shpote. Ich het grawd en fardle dawler 
 gevva far en luch far ni shloopa en gnarra luch hets ga- 
 doo so we ich g'feeled hob. De maid hen awfonga locha 
 un de monsleit hen era schnoop-dicher rous un g'hooshed. 
 
 Awver ich bin nuch net on der accident coo'ma os mere 
 wedderforra is. Noach supper hen se derno awfonga donsa, 
 un wile mae maid dart wora os we boova hut aney mich 
 g'frogt far mit era donsa. Ich hob era g'sawt ich ware ols 
 en gowl draw g'west awer ich hets farleicht fargessa. Se 
 hut g'sawt se daid mich larna un hut mere so f riendlich ins 
 g'sicht g'locht os ich uff da feese wore in anera minnut un 
 uff em floor. Es wore orrick warem in der schtoop un we 
 de bisniss uff g'shtart is hov ich evva amohl my ruck ob- 
 g'schmissa. Es naixt hov ich my shtiffel ob ga-kicked. De 
 musick is ols shtarricker un shtarr'cker cooma un ich hob 
 g'shpeered os my jacket aw gae muss un ich hobs in en 
 eck g'shmissa. By dara tzeit hov ich g'feeled we en race-
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 67 
 
 gowl won are om dorrich gae is. Es hut mere ga-broomed 
 in da ora* un de fire foonga sin mere oonich da feese rouse 
 g'flooga. De leit hen fun wooner g'shtupped un ga-gooked 
 wos ich far en denser bin, un ich wase net wos es nuch 
 gevva het won net derno usht ebbes g'happened ware. My 
 gallus sin farrissa un my hussa wora shunt drunna uff da 
 hifta ! Won ich nuch en fardle minnut "ga-balanced all" 
 het don wara se mere, be chudes, gons nooner g'folla un 
 derno 
 
 EN HIER-RAWT PARDY. 
 
 EM Moondawg en wuch is de Betz Grill un der Billy 
 Schnellkeffer noach em shtettle far license greega far hira. 
 Der Billy is so en awremer barrick-knobber wee's feel hut, 
 un are hut nix iavendichs uff em hofe os we so en darrer, 
 long-oricher, shtuvvericher asel os nemond kawfa hut wella 
 we der shreef ene ous-farkawfed hut. Well, der Billy hut 
 shtyle aw do wella un hut der Betz g'sawd se daida noach 
 em shtettle rida wile de waega so weesht wara. Now de 
 Betz is en oldt maidel, un hut's shunt fartzich yohr hara 
 
 dunnera. Es hut nemond ga-glawbed os se mse hira daid, 
 awver der Billy hut a pawr nochta um se room g'schmun-
 
 68 
 
 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 seled un by sell tzeit wore se so weedich os en bender won 
 are bloot reeched. Se hut era hore ga-grulled un loomba 
 in de bocka far se ous-filla, era g'sicht ga-powdered mit 
 male, un era bocka g'farrebed mit rhode-reeva bree. Well, 
 der Billy hut si asel rows g'feered un hut amohl ae bse ivver 
 ene g'henked, derno hut are der Betz g'woonka far coorna 
 un aw druff groddla. 
 
 Es hut der Betz im awfong net recht aw-g'shtonna, 
 awver se wore willins far anich ebbes do far en mon greega 
 wile se ga-denked hut os des ware era ledshte chance. De 
 Betz is endlich druff cooma, awver der asel hut's ollem 
 noach gor net ga-glicha. Are hut anyhow refused x shrit 
 tsu maucha so long os se olla tswae uff erne hucka. End- 
 lich sawgt der Billy, "Betz, drse erne amohl der schwontz !'' 
 
 Now, der asel is en schtuvvericher bugger un are hut 
 aw-fonga shrowva os won are warrem het, awver onshtots 
 fun farshich gse is are oils hinnershich ga-backed bis uff se 
 mohl sin si fees hinna nows g'flooga os we en w-edderlaich. 
 
 De Betz is about fooftzse foos in de has g'flooga un is 
 im dreck ga-land uff eram bussel oona was ga-doo, awver 
 gor woonerbawr farshrucka. Se is en shpunkich weips- 
 mensch un in vvenicher tzeit os es mich nembt far dere's 
 fartzsela wore se widder uff em asel. "Now," secht der
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 
 
 Billy, "habe fesht un ich drse erne es ore." 
 ha?rly fesht g'hot bis 
 
 Are hut nuch 
 
 woopsh ! wore der asel f onna in der hae. Der Billy hut ene 
 um der hols room greeked un fesht g'hova. De Betz is 
 eme hinna ivver der rick nunner g'fora os de foonga g'flooga 
 sin un hut en luch in der dreck g'shloga os mer en yarich 
 kolb drin fargrawva het kenna. "Now," secht der Billy, 
 "won du nuch groodla consht don broveer's nuch ae mohl. 
 
 Mere wella niah tackticks usa. Ich drae erne's ore un du 
 drsesht eme der schwontz. Sell holdt de tswae enner seva." 
 Der asel hut g'shpeered os ebbes gas muss un are hut en 
 shproong ga-maucht os se olla tswae hinna ivver ene nun- 
 ner g'flooga sin.
 
 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Der Billy is uff de Betz g'folla un hut sich net wse ga- 
 doo, awver de Betz hut era tzoong g'swisha era folshe tzse 
 greeked un hut about en tzoll-un-a-holb derfun ob ga-bissa. 
 
 Der Billy hut grawd gse wella un hira, awver de Betz 
 hut's net ga-doo, un dart wore era glick. We de leddicha 
 manner om Barrick ous g'funna hen os se en shtick fun era 
 tzoong ob ga-bissa hut hen se se oil hira wella wile yader 
 garn en fraw het mit wenicher os de ordinary amount fun 
 tzoong. 
 
 De g'hireda menner om Barrick woo wiver hen os tsu 
 feel schwetza wella en law ga-passed hovva os oil de weips- 
 leit der asel rida missa, un now won en weipsmensch tsu 
 feel retches doot don gaits schprich-wordt om Barrick nows : 
 "Selly set em Billy Schnellkeffer si asel rida!" 
 
 EM BOONASTIEL SI BUTCHERES. 
 
 ICH hob now aw ga-butchered, un es is so shtill hare 
 gonga os nemond harly ebbes ous g'foona hut net even 
 de si se wora so naixt dote os es eena anyhow net feel 
 ous g'mauched hut. Der Porra huts awver g'hart os mere 
 ga-butchered hen un is aw grawd cooma. Are coomed 
 uns ssena olla yohr, un are wase tzimlich goot won ebbes
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. /I 
 
 im shonk is. Ich gleich porra. Se sawga ma man grawd 
 woo are shtaid un charga ene nix, wo en lawyer dich ols- 
 fart finf dawler charge daid. Well, unser porra is cooma 
 uff der ovet os mere ga-butchered hen g'hot. Are hut mich 
 g'frogt eb ich tsu'm goota mon sinera armae kara daid for 
 der divel fechta. Ich hob erne g'sawt ich daid, awver ich 
 ware shunt edlicha mohl prisoner g'numma warra ons 
 Hullerhecka. Don hut are g'sawt ich ware schwoch un 
 daid mit da gase gx uff'm grosa dawg won de gase fun da 
 shore fardailt daida wara. Ich hob eme g'sawt ich wist os 
 ich schwoch ware, awver won are der "gickser" so hardt 
 g'hot het we ich don ware are aw schwoch, un so wide os 
 unich de gase cooma, daids m.ere net feel ous maucha, usht 
 so os es net tsu hase odder tsu kold ware, wile my glader 
 net fit wara far en grosser wexel in der luft. So hen mere 
 es effingalium rum ga-glubbed bis de Polly supper ready 
 hut g'hot. Mere hen ae arbodicher grosser warsht g'hot, un 
 dare hut de Polly gons tsu garisht far der porra. Mere hen 
 uns usht shae onna g'hucked g'hot don sawgt der porra : 
 
 "Brooder Boonastiel, si fri." 
 
 Now ich wore fri g'west. Es wore sheer olles uff em 
 dish os mere g'hot hen, un ich hob eme eldicha mohl 
 g'sawt g'hot os ich nimmy bada kent sidder os ich dc radla 
 hob g'hot, un anyhow, ware kent bada mit soera brode- 
 warsht im awk. Ich hob a-wenich g'hooshed, un der Polly 
 in de ribba ga-rent mit mime elbowga. 
 
 "Brooder Boonastiel, si fri." 
 
 "Dammit Polly, bade du!" 
 
 Des is mere rouse g'shlipped eb ich draw ga-denked 
 hob. Ich wore so far-kullebeered os ich nimmy noddeer- 
 lich g'feeled hob. Der porra hut derno ga-bade, un so en 
 ga-bade hov ich in mime laeve net g'hart. Ich het grawd 
 fuftzich dawler gevva won ich so en ga-bade maucha het 
 kenna. 
 
 Are is bi uns ivver nocht ga-blivva, un morgets hut 
 are g'sawt mere hetta so en g'sunt house es ware so 
 looftich. Ich hob goot g'feeled we mer tsu'm morge-essa
 
 72 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 gonga sin, wile ich g'wist hob os are mich nimmy ei-lawd 
 far "fri si," awver usht eb mere uns onna hucka hen wella 
 hut are g'frogt far unser Beevil far en kobbiddle Isesa. 
 Xow, de fact is, mere hen ken Beevil, un ich hob der 
 Polly g'sawt ich date polidix schwetza mit em oldta karl 
 bis se nivver ons Bixler's shpringa daid far era Beev'l 
 lana. De Polly hut feel joomp tsu der minnutt un usht 
 pawr tsu der mile g'macht ons Bixler's un tsurick. Se hut 
 em porra es buch onna g'longt un we are es uff g'mauched 
 hut don wor's, hole mich der shinner, en Koo Ducter buch! 
 Mere hen ken kablddle g'laesa. Noach breckfesht hov 
 ich em porra ei-g'shpont, un es flaish was nuch ivverich 
 wore fun unseram butchera eme hinna ins buggy g'shtelt, 
 un eme good-bye gevva. Are hut recht blesserlich ga- 
 gooked un hut g'sawt ich set temperate bliva in essa un 
 drinka. Ich hob eme g'sawt es ware ken droovel temper- 
 ate in essa tsu si so long os de Polly laeva daid far es bissel 
 flaish aweck tsu gevva un are wist ganunk far cooma un's 
 hulla. 
 
 DE SHTORY FUM RIP VAN WINKLE. 
 
 DE Grishdawg om Barrick wora shtill, awver es hut 
 shier yaders en Grishkindle greeked. Ich hob my 
 shtrump on der shonshta g'henked, un morgets we ich uff 
 g'shtonna bin wore ebbes tzu'm luch rows g'shtucka om 
 farshta, un wos denksht du os es wore? Du kensht es 
 gor net rhoda. Es wore en booch fun ma oldta karl woo 
 oils tsu feel "keffer-bree" ga-drunka hut un is amohl uff 
 em barrick ei-g'shlofa un is net wocker warra far tswon- 
 sich yohr. Si nawma wore "Rip Van Winkle." Fonna 
 im booch wore ni g'shrivva: "Kumblaments of Polly." 
 Now, de Polly is en shalloo oldts weipsmensch, un ich 
 glawb os se es ga-doo hut far mere der ob-shei gevva fun 
 licker. De shtory fum booch is des : 
 
 Der oldt Rip hut net ga-glicha tsu shoffa, un is uhst 
 room ga-lsega on da wartz-heiser un hut licker ga drunka.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 73 
 
 Si frow hut Gretchen g'haesa, un se hut oils weshes ei ga- 
 numma far cle house-holdting enara. Se wore en shmardy 
 fraw. awver hut en grosser tzarn.g'hot. Der oldt Rip hut 
 en hooned g'hot by en nawma "Schneider," un won der 
 oldt Rip net om wartz-house ga-l?ega hut don wore are om 
 barrick room ga-lufFa mit sinera b'x un em "Schneider." 
 Duch hut are in seim laeva nix g'shussa os we x mohl hut 
 are ma nuchber si bull g'shussa by mistake. Are wore en 
 freindlicher oldter karl un hut oils de kinner im shtettle uff 
 da oxla room ga-drawga, awver sell hut duch ken brode- 
 waersht ins house ga-brucht. Endlich is es der Gretchen 
 tsu hardt cooma un se nocht os en hardter gwidder nega 
 om himmel wore is are widder g'suffa hame cooma usht 
 far em shtorrem, un es hut de Gretchen so fartzarndt os se 
 de deer uff ga-maucht hut un hut g'sawt: "Now hov ich 
 nsht long ga-nunk g'shtand. Xows mit der, Rip, un coom 
 mere in dime Iseve nimmy far de awga !" 
 
 Es hut ga-dunnered un ga-wedderlseched so os der 
 Schneider unich der uffa g'schlooped is. Der rsega is 
 runner cooma by da kivvel-foll, un der Rip is room ga- 
 draid tsu der Gretchen un hut g'sawd: "Net so en noch 
 we de. Es is yo tsu weesht far en hoond drows tsu si." 
 
 "Nows mit dere," hut de Gretchen g'sawd, "ich will 
 dich nimmy saena." 
 
 "Good-bye, Rip, good-bye, Meney," hut der oldt Rip 
 tsu sime glaena boo un maidel g'sawd. Derno hut are si 
 bix greeked un is on der uffa un hut g'sawd, "Coom 
 Schneider." 
 
 Are un der Schneider sin nows un awfonga om bar- 
 rick nuff groddla. Der wind un der raega hen ene oils 
 shier um ga-blosa un derno hut's oils widder es wedder- 
 laecha ene so farblent os are net g'wist hut woo are he 
 lawfed. Gli hut are ebber om barrick druvva hara roofa: 
 
 "Rip Van AYinkle ! Rip Van Winkle !" 
 
 Es hut der Schneider farshrecked un are hut awfonga 
 gowtsa.
 
 74 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 "Rip Van Winkle ! Rip Van Winkle !" huts widder om 
 barrick nows g'sholled. 
 
 "Doh bin ich. Wos wit!" hut der Rip ga-ondward, 
 awver de yocht is widder cooma we derfore : 
 
 "Rip Van Winkle ! Rip Van Winkle !" 
 Endlich saed are im wedderlaecha en glse menly om 
 barrick nuff groddla mit ma fessly uff der oxel. We des 
 glae menly der oldt Rip g'ssena hut don hut's es fessly he 
 g'shtelt un hut ga-motioned tzu'm Rip os are set's der 
 barrick nuff drawga. Der Rip hut es fessly uff de oxel, 
 si'bix in de onner hond un is der barrick nuff g'shtart es 
 glae menly fonna hare un der Schneider hinna noach mit 
 em schwontz tswisha de bse ga-petzed. Ols un ols om 
 barrick nuff, don bletzlich fongts widder frish ni aw dun- 
 nera, un uff ae mohl cooma se uff en longe bonk fum bar- 
 rick, un doh shtsena en gons dutzent so glaena menner un 
 rulla grosse bolla naiva om barrick nows. We se der Rip 
 g'ssena hen don hen se oil erne de tzeit ga-budda. Der 
 Rip hut g'sawt, "Good novet. Des is en weeshte nocht." 
 Se hen ene oil aw-ga-gooked un hen era kep ga-nooked. 
 awver ken's hut ebbes g'sawt. Se hen motions tsu em* 
 Rip ga-mauched os are set si fessly onna shtella, un derno 
 hut anes fun da glaena menner der shpoonda ni g'schloga. 
 un se hen der licker rows g'shit in ma blech. We se oil 
 room ga-drunka hen g'hot don hen se em Rip en blech-foll 
 onna ga-longt, awver der Rip hut's aweck g'shtelt un hut 
 g'sawt are het ob-g'schwora uff "keffer-bree." Now, der 
 Rip wore gor woonerbawr dorshtich un het ebbes hovva 
 sulla far si mawga uff toona awver are hut da glrena ketzer 
 net ga-drowed. Se hen awver druff insist os are anes 
 nembt, un are hut awfonga schwetza hut se g'frogt ware 
 se warra un woo se hare cooma daida. Se hen usht de 
 kep ga-nucked, hen nix g'schwetzed awver hen druff insist 
 os are en jigger ous em fessly nembt. 
 
 "Nae," hut der Rip g'sawd, "Ich hob ob-g'schwora. 
 Ich drink nimmy."
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 75 
 
 Derno hut anes fun da glcena karls ga-mauched os won 
 are ts tsurick shidda wet ins fessly un sell wore tsu feel 
 far der Rip un are hut g'sawd : 
 
 "Hold on. Shits net tzurick. Sell fardarbt der licker." 
 Are hut's ga-drunka un gli hut's erne awfonga dunnera im 
 kup. Are is blind un dawb worra un is unich en glaener 
 shproos bawm ga-bartzeled. Dart hut are der Schneider 
 aw-ga-bunna. 
 
 Der Rip is ei-g'shlofa noch dem os are selly keffer-bree 
 ga-drunka hut. Far tswonsich yohr hut nemond em olda 
 Rip si bix hara sholla ivver em hawsa hoonda. Ae morga 
 is are wocker worra. De f-egel hen ufF da bame g'sunga 
 um ene room. "I," hut are g'sawt, "hov ich don de gons 
 nocht g'shlofa? Xow shelt widder de Gretchen we olla 
 dihenker." Derno hut are room gagooked far der 
 Schneider. Are wore fart. Si bix wore naivich eme ga- 
 Isega olles farrusht un holver fowl. Si glseder hen fun 
 eme g'hunka in tzuddla. "Now," hut are g'sawt, "hen de 
 glsena ketzer my glaeder un my Schneider g'shtola, un hen 
 my goote bix farhondled uff en schlechte." Are hut uff 
 shtae wella, owver si bae wora so shtife os are se net beega 
 hut kenna. "Ah." hut are g'sawt, "de gons nocht uff em 
 barrick schlofa hut mere de rumadix gevva." Endlich is 
 jare don ufF cooma un mit sime bixa-lawf far en shtuck is 
 are der barrick nunner g'shtart. We are ins arsht shtettle 
 cooma is sin de kinner eme noach un hen ene gatzarred. 
 De oldta leit sin ous da heiser cooma un hen era bawrd 
 g'shtricha. Des hut der Rip gooka maucha un don hut 
 are g'saena os si bawrd en foos long wore un so wise os 
 schnae. Are hut nemond ga-kent, un de hoond, woo are 
 ga-maned hut os oil si freind wara, hen noach eme 
 ga-goutzed. Endlich coomed are don ins shtettle. un is 
 aw grawd gonga far ons wartz-house. Es oldt wartz- 
 house wore aweck ga-rissa un en grose ni ga-bi wore in 
 sime blotz. De leit sin um ene room un hen ene g'frogt 
 ware are ware un wos are wet.
 
 76 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 "Yaw," sawkt der Rip, "iph wase net. Des is olles 
 frem tsu mere. Geshter ovet hut de Gretchen mich nows 
 ga-drivva in oil sellem raega shtarrem un ich bin uff der 
 barrick un hob mich farshlofa. Kent anich ebber der Rip 
 Van Winkle?" 
 
 "Rip Van Winkle?" hut anes g'sawt. "Dart drivva 
 om pushta shtaed are. Si dawdy hut aw Rip g'sasa, awer 
 are wore so en schlechter oldter shellum un is se nocht, 
 about tswonsich yohr tsurick, uff der barrick un is nimmy 
 hame cooma. Es wore ga-glawbed are het sich g'shussa, 
 odder ware dode ga-mauched warra by da Inching." 
 
 "Gud wase," hut der Rip g'sawt. "Ich bin mich 
 nimmy selver ich bin ebber soonsht. Sell is mich dart 
 drivva om pushta. Now won sell der Rip Van Winkle is, 
 woonerts mich ware der dihenker os ich bin?" 
 
 Gli sin de oldta leit tzomma cooma un aines noach em 
 onera hut ene ge-kent. Yaw, es wore waricklich der oldt 
 Rip Van Winkle, awver si beshter freind, der Schneider, 
 wore dode. Si kinner wora grose ga-woxa un g'hired, 
 awver si fraw, de Gretchen, wore aw dode, un sell hut ene 
 es besht ga-bleesed fun ollum. 
 
 We ich's booch gons dorrich ga-lsesa hob g'hot don 
 hov ich der Polly g'sawt ich daid garn tswonsich yohr 
 shlofa won se farsphrecha daid in selera tzeit aw dode gae, . 
 un se hut en hase bigel-eisa noach mere g'shmissa un es is 
 mere so naixt om kup farby os es mere de hore g'senked 
 hut. 
 
 Ich board now by em Billy Bixler. 
 
 ARE SOOCHT EX OXERY H^MET. 
 
 DE bisniss mit mere un der Polly is wichtich. Far 
 fartzich yohr hen mere freedlich bi-annonner ga-l?ebed, 
 awver now is es olles farby. Won amohl en fraw en blce- 
 hase bigel-eisa noach dere schmised don is es hoch tzeit os 
 mer ous tzeeked, won mer net unich de blimlin gablonsed 
 si will. Du waisht ich hob dere g'sawt in mime ledshta
 
 FUM BooNASTiEiv. 77 
 
 brief os ich daid by em Billy Bixler borda. Un all dare 
 druvvel is usht dorrich sell Grish-kindle cooma wsega em 
 oldta Rip Van Winkle. De boarding by em Billy is net 
 we ich's ga-waint bin. Du waisht mer is ne net so goot 
 g'satisfied os won mer on sime agena dish is, un ich muss 
 es sawga, de Polly is en goote kuch un hut olsfart en goot 
 house g'holda. Do hare doots mere laed un ich glawb 
 won se's agreed ware don daid ich widder tzurick cooma 
 unich ma "flag of truce," awver os ich uff my knee gae far 
 ufF-maucha mitra fraw os en hase bigel-eisa noach mere 
 shmised is entirely ous der question. Es shlimsht is, se 
 schwetzed nimmy tsu mere. Der onner dawg wore se niv- 
 ver ons Sam Schnitzler's un ich bin on en lane woo se 
 farby hut missa uff em hame wake un hob mich of de fense 
 g'hucked. Ich hob gatzaled se daid mich farleicht froga 
 far mit hame gae wile se g'ssena hut os ich kold bin un 
 hungerich far era goota welsh-karn koocha, owver we se 
 on mere farby is hut se grawd on der naws nows gagooked 
 un fart os won der hoond se ga-bissa het. Ich hob 
 g'hooshed os won ich's kold het so os se wissa kent os ich 
 my brusht g'schmeared hova set mit fet, awver even sell 
 hut se net era awga fun der bawn nemma maucha. Now, 
 so ebbes is hardt. En mon fartzich yohr en coomrawd 
 hovva un derno uff 33 mohl ob-brecha un mit ma lara maw- 
 ga arise in en kold bed groddla is awenich tsu feel far my 
 konstitution un es muss be-chudes ebbes ga-doo wara 
 odder ich shtareb mit ma farbruchna hartz. Ich hob era 
 geshter en brief g'shriva un hob nuch ken answer. Es is, 
 of course, nuch harly tzeit far en answer greega. un duch 
 seemds en yohr tsu mere. Se con woll net shriva, awver 
 won se mere usht anes fun era goota glaena faws-nocht 
 kichlin shicka daid in ma wisa shtick bobbeer don wars ga- 
 nunk. Se set mich net so long in suspense holda. Won se 
 mere so en brief shriva daid we ich era hob don daid ich 
 dorrich si-dreck bawda bis on de ora far hame cooma. 
 
 Es mecht nuch wiesht maucha. Se sawga der lawyer 
 Lawbuck ware on eram house g'west der onner dawg, un 
 
 6
 
 78 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 os se draw ware far en shaeda-brief fun mere greega. 
 Now anicher norr wase os mere olla tzwa willins si missa 
 eb de law uns funnonner doo con un ich bin be-chudes 
 net willins. Won se awver law greega set fum Johny 
 Lawbuck don donsed der Boonastiel "Yankle-doodle" om 
 end fum ma shtrick. Look out ! 
 
 WIDDER UFF EM NESHT. 
 
 HIP! Hurrah! Bully far der Boonastiel! Are is 
 widder uff em nesht ! 
 
 Es hut ebbes gevva sidder os ich der ledsht breef 
 g'shrivva hob, un ich un de Polly sin widder so dick os we 
 tswae buslin uff ma haese bocka-shtae. Es is oil room 
 cooma om Bill Bifflemoyer sinera ga-butts-dawg pardy 
 em ledshta Dunnershdawg owet. Du husht, denk ich, 
 shunt g'hserd os mae os ae wake is far en hoond farwarixa 
 except mit budder. Well, ich hob onera tacktics ga-used 
 uff der Polly un se hut ga-bissa we en oldte farrel won se 
 nuchera g'schmase mick joomped. Ich bin owvets on de 
 pardy. Es wore so en pardy we's feel hut os net feel drin 
 is un duch coomed feel rows. Es wora ordlich feel leit 
 fum Barrick dart weipsleit un monsleit, un we ich de 
 Polly g'saena hob ware mere, be-chudes, es hartz tzu em 
 hols rows won ich's net drunna g'holta het mit em dowma. 
 Ich hob de dolla ous meim hoot ga-dricked g'hot, my 
 shtiffel ga-blacked mit bock-uffa roos, en shtand-up collar 
 aw g'hot un hob evva li-eb-hoftich ga-gooked we so en 
 oldter wid-mon os onera mommy soocha is. Ich hob 
 mich sowver ga-bolveered g'hot, un hob de weisa briser 
 fum ma ga-kuchta hem tsu mina ruck armel rows ga-tzoga 
 g'hot. In fact, ich hob hipsch ga-gooked. De leit hen 
 mich ga-kumblament uff my looks, un ich hob gli g'saena 
 os de Polly mere shofe-awga noach shmised. Des hut 
 mich glawva maucha os se reddy ware far ains fum Gen- 
 eral Grant sina "unconditional surrenders" tsu maucha. 
 Ich bin independent warra un hob awfonga mit onera
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 79 
 
 weipsleit uff-cutta. Teh hob "blinda-micely" mit der Sex- 
 foos Betz g'shpeel-ed os es g'schtawbed hut. Now, ich 
 gleich se net sidder os se my blawma bame so fardarva 
 hut ivver em house butsa, un ich het usht so leeb en grut 
 aw-ga-raked os we era kolda hend, un duch hov ich nix 
 aw ga-lust un hob fardt ga-mauched os w en boo os usht 
 ous sinera kelver-lieb coomed. De Polly hut net 
 g'shpeeled un wore arlae im eck uff der huls-box g'hucked 
 un g'schwetzed mit der Sus Buchtell. Now, de Sus Buch- 
 tell is about so feel coombany tsu ma mensch os en tswae- 
 bushel sock foil huvvel-shpay, un de Polly hut en drookeny 
 tzeit g'hot, un ich hob g'saena os se shtorrick om jealous 
 wara is. 
 
 Of course, de leit hen oil g'msened ich daid mich en- 
 joy a, awver ich hob net. Es hut mere fun hartza Ised ga- 
 doo tsu ssena os de Polly schlect f eeled un duch hov ich 
 era net helfa kenna, un ich hob my mind uff g'mauched 
 g'hot os wile se mich net tsu era cooma hut lussa don mist 
 se now tsu mere cooma. 
 
 About elf uhr is se cooma un sich navich mich g'hucked 
 un mere hen annonner aw ga-gooked os we tswae kotza uff 
 der gorda fense. Endlich frogt se mich we's Billy Bixler's 
 aw-cooma daida un farwass os se net on der pardy wara. 
 Ich hob era g'sawd ich daid net denka os se ei-ga-lawda 
 wara g'west. Derno hut se suggest os mere daida awen- 
 ich nei gas uff unseram hame-wake. 
 
 Now, si laeva hut ken general en campaign besser ga- 
 blanned g'hot far en shtodt nemma os de Polly hut far my 
 hartz nemma. Het se es usht g'wist se hut's de gons 
 tzeit g'hot. Mere sin hame g'shtart, awver es wore ken 
 tzeit far ons Billy Bixler's shtuppa. In fact, es hut kens 
 fun uns mse ons Billy's ga-denked. 
 
 My shtory is kartz un my "moral" is plain : Won 
 du en weipsmensch aw-tzeega wit don musht du fun era 
 aweck gae.
 
 8O CHOICE SELECTION? 
 
 EN DRAWM. 
 
 ICH hob widder amohl en woonerbawer drawm g'hot 
 un ich con's net helfa ich muss dere en fartzsela. 
 
 Sis mere fore cooma os won ich en grosser silverner 
 dawler g'foona het un ich hob net g'wist wos tsu to. Won 
 ich wocker g'w-est ware don hets net long ganumma far 
 decida wile ich olsfart dorshdich bin un der Hullerheck 
 hut usht en ni barl keffer-bree in der keller ga-rulled. 
 Awver es wore en drawm, un ich hob den dawler in minera 
 hond g'hova bis are warem wore. Sis mere derno ei- 
 cooma os wile ich so feel shribe far de tzeidunga wed ich 
 en druckeri uff shtarta om barrick far mich selver, un de 
 tzeidung wed ich der Hawsa Barrick Blodder haesa. De 
 bisniss is uff-g'shtart un in a pawr moonet hov ich en lisht 
 subscribers g'hot os fun's Kitzeldarfer's nuff ons Fridder 
 Hawnayarick's uxa-drenk ga-longed but. DC bisniss 
 wore brisk un de niah nawma sin ei cooma os we kinner 
 un hoond ous ma orma mon seim house. Ich hob woon- 
 ers g'maned wos ich doh en shpeck het, awver we de tzeit 
 cooma is far my bobbeer bill batzawla in Fildelfy hov ich 
 ken geld g'hot. Ich hob der Polly g'sawt mere mista mae 
 schpawrsome laeva, un mere hen shtubba flaish essa. De 
 subscribers sin ols dicker ri cooma far der Blodder, awver 
 ken geld, un endlich is don es male oil worra in der kisht 
 un ae morga sin de nuchbera ri cooma un hen mich dote 
 g'funna farhungered. We de tzeidung net rous cooma is 
 sin de leit uff wide un braid by cooma un hen ga-yamered 
 grawd os won's se shpida daid os ich dote ware. Dei 
 Billy Bixler is on de sake-meel un hut a pawr bind board 
 greeked far mere en lawd maucha. Are hut bahawbed ich 
 ware net dote un hut olla-ga-but en bind budclle keffer-bree 
 mere on de naws g'hova un hut oils g'sawt, "Now Gottlieb, 
 nem en longer pull !" Awver es hut nix mae ga-bot. End- 
 lich coomed der Bill Blotner ni un sawgt : 
 
 "Des is tsu shlim ! Farhungered mit lots fun geld in 
 sina bicher un kens in sime sock. We goot het ich's ba-
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 8l 
 
 tzawla kenna, un farwas hov ich net minera goota fraw 
 g'fullicked un uff ba-tzawled." 
 
 Es naixt coomed der Billy Heichler ni. "Yaw," sawgt 
 are, "der Boonastiel wore ga-wiss en goot-manicher mon. 
 Si tzeidung hut olsfart rechte socha unnerschtitzed un 
 letz far-hossed. Ich hob erne olsfart de karricha, pic-nic, . 
 un festival notices g'shicked un hob sex tzeidunga tsu 
 mina freind g-shicked olla woch. Ich hob eme, of course, 
 nix batzawled wile ich ga-denked hob are daid de sex 
 tzeidunga net shpeera wile are so feel onera nows shicked. 
 Are hut olla-ga-but tzoo f.eel gadrunka un wardt woll in 
 de hell gse, awver ich hob doh a pawr 'Resolutions' os de 
 Hawsa Barrick Rotta-schwentz Association ga-passed hut 
 uff ene wile are en member wore. Ich hob se ousera 
 tzeidung g'shnidda un der nawma ga-changed un de com- 
 mittee oona draw g'signed. Wile ich bresident fun der 
 committee bin het ich garn os du my nawma ous grosa 
 booshdawva doosht won deres in der Blodder doot." 
 
 Es naixt coomed der Mike Bloomer ni. "Ah !" hut 
 are g'sawt, "dote? Well, sis net feel farlora. Ich hob si 
 tzeidung net ga-glicha un ene nuch feel wenicher." 
 
 Der Billy Bixler is ons booch un huts uff ga-mauched. 
 Dart w r ore em Mike Bloomer si nawma. Are wore sivva 
 dawler shuldich un hut de dri hoonert dawler law ganum- 
 ma we are ga-resht wore derfore. 
 
 By dara tzeit is de leicht g'shtart. Usht we se mich 
 ins grawb lussa hen wella is der bed-shtrick farissa un ich 
 un de Polly sin uff der budda we tzwse kotsa in ma sock. 
 Ich wore wocker un hob Gud ga-donked os ich nuch laven- 
 dich bin awver ich het duch garn der dawler g'hot. 
 
 EM MIKE SENDAPETZER SI CITY FRAW 
 HUSHT du shunt g'hserd we om oldta Sammy Senda- 
 petzer si boo, der Mike, sich de finger farbrendt hut? 
 Won du net husht don horrich amohl" Ich will dere ebbes 
 fartzasla os ich eme goon. Der Mike is anes fun denna 
 shmarda boova woo in sime laeve ken geld selver fardeened
 
 82 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 hut un hut sich olsfart besser ga-dinked os we onera 
 boova woo ken so en reicher dawdy hen g'hot. Are wore 
 so doom os en asel un hut olsfart English schwetza wella 
 un hut duch net kenna. So en mon we ich os en farriss- 
 ner ruck wara mus hut are hardly ga-kent, un won are fun 
 hame cooma is hut are si eldera farlaegeled. Well, des 
 barshtly hut sich olsfart tsu goot ga-dinked far mit unsera 
 arlicha, reshpectfulla maid tsu dravela usht wile era dawdy 
 net so reich wora, un hut olsfart g'sawt are wet en city 
 lady far en f raw os recht reich ware, un endlich hut are don 
 aney awga-druffa. Se wore fun Fildelfy un wore uff 
 b'sooch ons Mike Dubriggle's. Se wore so weesht os en 
 hecka-fense, awver hut orrick reich si sulla. Der Alike is 
 um se room ga-cut we evva so en bush-knibble doot un 
 is gli in lieb g'folla mit era ivver kup un ora. Derno hut 
 are se g'frogt wos era dawdy waerdt ware. Se hut g'sawd 
 are het de ous-tzaring, un het nine dowsend dawler uff 
 indressa. "Un we feel sins fun eich?" hut der Mike 
 g'frogt. "Ich bin de ansicht duchter," sawgt se. Des hut 
 der Mike recht uff g'shtart un are hut se grawd g'frogt 
 far hira. Se wore willins un de huchtzich is em Dunnersh- 
 dawg morga en wuch ob gonga. Se hen grawd de train 
 om Barrick ga-numma far Fildelfy, sin owets nunner 
 cooma, un hen de nocht by der fraw era eldera g'shpent. 
 Gli hut are ga-noticed os en lot grossa boova im house 
 sin un de fraw hut evva anes noach em onera introduced 
 tsu erne os era brooder. Endlich sawgt der Mike : 
 
 "We feel sins fun ira house-holdting?" 
 
 "Tzse." 
 
 "Ei, ich hob g'maened du waersht de ansicht duchter, 
 un di dawdy ware nine dowsend dawler waerdt." 
 
 "Ich bin de ansicht duchter, awver ich hob nine 
 breeder." 
 
 "So," sawgt der Mike, "ten in nine goes no times and 
 nossing comes out !" 
 
 Awer es wore tsu shpote are wore farkawfed. 
 Endlich sin se don ins bed we evva g'hireda leit donna.
 
 FUM BOONASTIl-X. 83 
 
 Der Mike is hordich ins bet ga-joomped wiles kold wore 
 un derno is amohl si fraw awfonga ous-annonner folia. 
 Se hut amohl en barrick ob, don hut se en set falshe tzse 
 ous em movvl. Derno hut se en glessich awk rous ga- 
 bored un uff der shtand ga-laiked. We se era dress ob hut 
 is about dri beck baw-woll rows ga-rulled, un endlich 
 schnolled se don en hilsich bse ob ! 
 
 By dara tzeit wore der Mike uff g'hucked im bed un 
 hut awga ga-mauched we en kotz won se fargelshtered is. 
 
 "Greitz badolga !" sawgt are, "by wellem howf a still ich 
 shlofa?" 
 
 "Usht we du wid ' sis olles di dare hawfa is personal 
 property ich bin di real eshtate." 
 
 ******** 
 
 Der oldt Sammy hut geshter en breef greeked fum 
 Mike. Are sawgt are wet fendu maucha fun sime "per- 
 sonal property" un si "real eshtate" morgage far geld 
 raisa far hame cooma. 
 
 ARE G7ED HAWSA HOONDA. 
 
 onner dawg bin ich un der Billy Bixler gonga 
 hawsa hoonda om barrick nows. Mere hen em Sam Petz- 
 miller si grosser bull hoond mit ga-numma far de hawsa 
 ei yawga. Der Billy hut em Mike Hawnayarrick si oldte 
 flint g'lsened. De oldt flint is about nine foos long, un hut 
 en luch we en flaish-shtenner. Se hut nuch de oldt sort 
 flinda-shluss. We mere se ga-lawda hen don hen mere 
 amohl en hond foil bullfer ni, derno en gonser kut warrick 
 druff g'shtomped. Uff sell hen mere en tae-bledly foil 
 shroat un derno nuch mae warrick. Gli hut der oldt hoond 
 en haws uff de fees g'hot, un es is om barrick nows gonga. 
 Der Billy hut mere de flnt he ga-longt un hut g'sawd ich 
 set der haws sheesa. "Nse," hov ich g'sawt, "du bisht der 
 besht shits un consht ene um-livela we gor nix." Now, 
 ich hob ga-glawbt os es oldt looder kicked we en wol- 
 shtramiche koo, un doh-hare wore ich so willich os der
 
 84 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Billy der arsht shoos rous sheesed. Gli coomed der haws 
 dorrich de hecka tsu hoopsa un der Billy fort uff un 
 "futch" is es bullfer in der tzint-pon awgonga. Des hut 
 der haws fargelshtered un are is awfonga shpringa, un we 
 de bix loos gonga is wore are anyhow en fardle mile dor- 
 rich de hecka drows. Der Billy is en shtick mit der bix 
 tzurick gonga un derno is se selver fardt, awver se hut en 
 gross shtick howd fum Billy sime bocka mit. Ich hob ene 
 g'funna in da hecka Ha about elf shrit fun woo are 
 g'shtonna hut g'hot. Es arsht hov ich g'maned are ware 
 mouse dote, awver gli hut are de awga uff g'mauched un 
 hut mich g'frogt eb don de No f ember 'leckshon nuch net 
 farby ware. Ich hob ene arinnered os mere om hawsa 
 hoonda wara g'west, un os are de bix ob-g'shussa het. 
 Derno hut are mich so wildt aw-ga-gooked un hut g'sawt : 
 "Well, Gottlieb, bin ich farshprunga odder de bix?" 
 Tswae shlook fun selera "keff er-bree" woo ich unner em 
 oldta Sammy Sendapetzer seim hoy-shtuck fergrawva hob 
 g'hot hut ene widder uff de fees g'shtelt. Mere hen ga- 
 gooked far de bix awver hen se net g'funna, un mere sin 
 tsu der conclusion cooma os se net runner cooma ware bis 
 uff em onera side em barrick. Mere hen derno yaders en 
 gooter hevvel g'numma un sin em haws noach gonga, 
 awver der ketzer wore tsu g'scheit un is uns olla mohl 
 ous-ga-draid. Mere hen derno der oldt hoond fun der 
 g'shpoor un sin nows nuch da felsa-kep. Gli hut are wid- 
 der loud gevva un mere sin uff de g'shpoor, don sawgt der 
 Billy, "Look out, Gottlieb, es is, by ginnerosity, en baar!'' 
 Now, ich bin net shlim far baara soocha ich hob kenner 
 farlora, un anyhow, en armlicher oldter mon os usht ous 
 en gronkes-bed cooma is en baar awdreffa un nix hovva 
 far sich tsu defenda os we en hevvel hut mich gar looders 
 shlecht g'suit. Ich hob on de Polly ga-denked, un ware 
 se hira daid won se en widfraw gevva daid. Un derno is 
 es mere ei cooma os se g'sawt hut ich ware en hartz-cower 
 un es daid mich nix dote maucha wile era ken so goot 
 glick arfolla kent. Ich hob ga-grisha, "Coom on, Billy,"
 
 FUM BOONA-STIEX. 85 
 
 un bin uff der baar lose. Der hoond hut ene g'fonga g'hot 
 un se wora shunt a pawr minutta om fechta g'west. We 
 ich onna cooma bin hut der baar uff em rick g'lega, der 
 hoond hut ene om hols g'hot, un hut ene aw gli dote ga- 
 choked g'hot. Mere hen der baar nuch net holver ob-ga- 
 tzooga g'hot don hare ich es lawb robbla hinnich mere un 
 gook room don sane ich en bis-ketzel sich uff shtrouba un 
 hut der hoond ga-bandered far fechta. Der brawf hoond hut 
 mere in de awga ga-gooked un hut derno g'sawd so blain 
 os en hoond es sawga kent : 
 
 "Gottlieb, ich farrich mich far nix. Ich hob dare 
 baar ga-leddered, awver froke mich net far de shtinkich 
 glae bisketzel aw-pocka." 
 
 Ich hob em goota oldta hoond der kup g'shtricha un 
 hob tsu erne g'sawt : 
 
 "Wasser, du bisht recht. En hoond os baara dote 
 maucha con dare set sich net ob-gevva mit bis-kotza 
 fechta." 
 
 Mere hen unser baar hame un now laeve mere widder 
 we onera leit, awver de dri socha hov ich sella dawg ga- 
 larndt : 
 
 1. Won du en oldte flint ob sheesa wid don luss eb- 
 ber shunsht se hseva. 
 
 2. Won du en baar fonga wid don luss der hoond ene 
 arsht dote maucha. 
 
 3. Os feel menscha, we b's-kotza, lavendich dorrich 
 de weldt cooma oona wse ga-doo usht wile nembnd sich 
 shtinkich maucha will mit da glsena rutz-keffer tsu fechta. 
 
 SHTRIDE ONS HULLERHECKA. 
 
 GRAWD we de Polly shunt long ga-bruffatzied hut. 
 Ich hob mich nuch om end in druvvel g'shoft mit mina 
 brief shriva. De Betz Grill un der Bully Schnellkeffer hen 
 mere ga-draid mich tsu womsha, un em ledshta Dunnersh- 
 dawg is es ob cooma. Du waisht ich bin shunt en oldter 
 mon, des consht du ssena on da runsla in mime g'sicht, un
 
 86 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 even we ich yung wore hen olsfort my bae tsu feel fun mere 
 ga-denked for mich ga-garrebed greega. Der ledsht 
 knockdown os ich g'hot hob wore mit der Sex-foos Bets 
 ivver em house-butza, awver ich hob net feel bracktis 
 greeked ous sellem wile se oil de arawet selver ga-do hut. 
 Ich ware dessamohl net in shtride cooma won ich mich sel- 
 ver ga-west ware, un der wake os es g'happened hut wore 
 des. 
 
 Der Sam Schnitzler is uff em Mike Hawnayarrick si 
 boweri ga-tzoga un ich un der Billy Bixler hen si rinsfee 
 nivver ga-drivva. We mere uns Hullerhecka farby sin hov 
 ich em Billy g'sawt are set de uxa heeda bis ich ni shpringa 
 daid far my mawga uff toona. Are huts ga-broveered, 
 awver de wile os ich drin wore is anes fun da uxa tzurick 
 g'shprunga un der Billy is erne noch. Are is so long net 
 tzurick cooma un des hut my mawga ols shlimmer 
 g'mauched, un ich hob olla-ga-but widder anes ob gapetzed 
 on der schwartza buddle. Bis der Billy tzurick cooma is 
 wore ich ordlich goot how-come-you-so, un ivver dem is 
 der Billy Schnellkeffer ons wartz-house cooma un hut aw 
 grawd aw g'fonga mit mere dishbadeera. Es hut mich net 
 long ga-numma far ene en lingner haesa un sell wore grawd 
 wos are hut wella, anyhow es naixt os ich ga-wist hob hov 
 ich anes uff der shawl g'hot os de shtarna g'floga sin. Es 
 hut mich mot g'mauched in da gnee, awver ich bin uff 
 mina shtelsa ga-blivva un es naixt os der Billy ga-wist hut 
 hov ich e"me anes uff's link awk ga-raiched os are unichs 
 fee ni ga-rulled is un hut ga-blart os we en yarich kolb. 
 Des hut anes fun do uxa farshrecked un- are kicked naiva 
 nows un dreft der Billy about en tzoll un a holva unich der 
 novvel. Es hut ene tzomma ga-dubbled os we en oldt 
 sock-messer un es hut finf mon g'numma far ene uff 
 maucha. Der Johnny Sollakupper is dertzoo cooma un hut 
 grawd eji wornd rous greeked far mich reshta. Gli hen se 
 mich far em 'Shquire Lawbuck g'hot, un in wennicher os 
 finf minnutta hen se dri charges gsega mich g'hot: 
 
 1st. Assault.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 87 
 
 2nd. Assault and battery with intent to hit him on the 
 eye. 
 
 3rd. Aggravated assault and battery with intent to kick 
 him by an ox. 
 
 Ich hob ena g'sawt ich ware net reddy far trial shtanda 
 wile ich un der Billy unser rinsfee hame driva mista un der 
 'Shquire Lawbuck hut mich released uff bail bis my trial 
 ob coomed. Ich hob ken geld tsu shpenda far en lawyer. 
 Wons ob gsed harsht do nuch mae derfun, wile ich tzale my 
 ageny plea tsu maucha. Der Billy Schnellkeffer is dahame 
 im bed. Si aned awg is schwartz un bice un si wind is 
 nuch net oil tzurick woo der ux ene ga-kicked hut. Are is 
 in da sama umshtenda os der boo wore os em aisel si hin- 
 ner bse ga-kitzled hut mit ma shtrow-holma. Der aisel hut 
 ene dorrich de wedder-boarding on der shire ga-kicked un 
 we si dawdy ene uff g'hova hut don hut are g'sawt : "My 
 leeves kind, du warsht in dime laeve nimmy so shse os we 
 du amohl worsht, awver du husht feel mae farshtond." 
 
 ARE ACT LAWYER. 
 
 MY dawdy hut ols g'sawt, "En bissel law wissa maucht 
 grosse g'fore," un ich fin olla dawg mae ous we feel g'sheiter 
 os my dawdy wore os we ich. Ich hob dere g'sawt ich daid 
 my ageny case pleea far em 'Squire Lawbuck wile ich ken 
 geld het far de lawyer. Ich hobs ga-broveered un bin uff 
 anes naixt in de bresent cooma. Der Billy Schnellkeffer hut 
 so en lawyerly by greeked g'hot un dare hut mich farknll- 
 abeered g'hot in finf minnutta os ich nimmy g'wist hob woo 
 ich bin. Der 'Shquire Lawbuck hut de meeting tsu odder 
 ga-roofa un hut g'shtate was der charge gaega mich ware. 
 Derno hut are g'sawt are ware reddy for "der prosecution 
 era tzeiga tsu hara." Ich bin grawd uff ga-joomped un hob 
 g'sawt ich het nix mit der brosecution tsu do, os gor ken 
 so'n weipsmensch derby ga-west wore un ich het de bisniss 
 tsu settla mit em Billy Schnellkeffer. Der 'Shquire hut 
 g'sawt ich set mich onna hucka. "De brosecution mained d-e
 
 88 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 Commonwealth un net en weipsmensch." Sell hut's g'set- 
 tled. Ich hob grawd g'ssena os ich mich in deef wasser 
 g'shoft hob un wore shtill. Endlich shtate don des lawyerly 
 uff un hut en speech g'mauched. Are hut g'sawd ich ware 
 en siffer un en lodle, en fowlenser, en shellem, en keyone, un 
 en lot onera socha. Ich hob olles g'shtand bis are g'sawd 
 hut ich het amohl hinkle g'shtola, un derno bin ich uff ga- 
 jomped un ene nous g'fuddered. Se hen mich ovver ga- 
 dishtered greeked un endlich hen se don era tzeiga ga-roofa, 
 un ich sawk dere ken leeg, se hen olles uff mich ga-broofed 
 os are g'sawt hut, un ich hob weister tsushtond ga-glawbed 
 se daida mich henka. We se ga-roofa hen far de defense 
 don hov ich room ga-gooked far my tzeiga, der Billy Bixler. 
 Are wore der ansich mon os by mere wore, un we are 
 em lawyerly si speech k'hart hut we schlect os ich bin is are 
 bechudes ous ga-gleered un hut mich hucka lussa os we en 
 kind im dreck. Se hen mich derno uff der shtand far my 
 tziegniss gevva, un ich hob ferhoftich de pinklich, awga- 
 shinelich woreheit g'sawt. We ich fartich wore hut sell 
 lawyerly mich awfonga cross-questions froga, un in finf 
 minnutta hov ich mich hina un fonna fesht g'shwora g'hot. 
 Yaw are hut g'sawt are wist os ich tzwa wiver enara daid, 
 ebs net so ware, un hut mich "yaw" sawga maucha, un Gud 
 wase os ich usht any hob un de holdt mich un wared de 
 hussa. We are fardich \vore mich shtoombeera hut are nuch 
 en speech g'mauched un hut law ga-laesa ous ma grossa led- 
 derna booch bis ich g'mained hob ich daid shunt der shtrick 
 shpeera mere der hols tsu tzeega. 
 
 We are fardich wore bin ich uff g'shtonna far schwetza. 
 Es wore mere en knup im hols os we en hinkle oye, awver 
 endlish hov ich ene g'shooked un hob aw g'fonga: 
 
 ''My LEEVIE OLDTA NUCHBERA: Bin ich nuch der Gottleib 
 Boonastiel? Wos hov ich gadoo? Olles os we ga-mort, un bis de 
 shtoond hov ich nix derfun ga-wist! Hut ebber shunsht? Law 
 wase ich kenny; des hut des glae ruts-nasely mere shunt a pawr mohl 
 g'sawt. Ich laig de law aweck un appeal tsu eich in gooter geils far- 
 shtond. Woo coomed des lawyerly hare? Wos is es un won is es
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 89 
 
 cooma? Huts gloa uff da feese un en harn uff em kup, odder is es 
 en difel in mensha g'shtelt? Ware is es un wos haseds? Hut de law 
 en recht en difel uff roof a un ene lose draya uff en ormer, ondlicher, 
 uffrichticher oldter mon? My shtatement wore blain un simple. 
 Der Billy hut der fecht g'shtart un is galeddered warra. Es wore 
 tit far tat. Are hut de lets sow om ore g'hot. Sell is es long un 
 kartz derfun. Now bin ich en deeb, en rawver, en sowf-lodle, un 
 sull tzwa wiver hovva ! Un ware sawgts ! Doh hucked dare grut- 
 zich, grindich, gretzich, greit-d " 
 
 "Holt! Holt! Gottlieb, flooch net," hut der 'Shquire 
 Lawbuck g'sawt. "Du bisht f ri : Defendant discharged 
 and Commonwealth to pay the costs of prosecution!" 
 
 Ich wore tsu base far hame gse, un hob arsht sel law- 
 yerly funnonner risa wella, awver der 'Shquire Lawbuck hut 
 g'sawt ich set net. Ich hob em 'Shquire si wardt ga-numma 
 un bin hame, awver won ich in mime laeva sell barshtly wid- 
 der awdreff don mauch ich ene so fie os de rotta ene shlooka 
 kenna oony kowa. 
 
 SHTYLE AW DO WON'S EM NET BA-COOMED. 
 
 ICH bin en commoner, olla dawg, go-as-you-blease sart 
 fun ma mon, un won ich ols ebmohls nows coom unich 
 fremma leit bin ich gons ferlora. In fact, ich wase net we 
 mich aw tsu shicka. Des wore de case mit mere der onner 
 dawg we ich en bindly barrick-tae tsu em porra Mohler ga- 
 numma hob far en sart funera donation. Uff em wake onna 
 bin ich de shtross galuffa mit em porra sime boo, un ich hob 
 g'noticed os olla mohl os are on ma weipsmensch farby is 
 hut are si hoot ob g'numma. Endlich hov ich ene g'froght 
 farwass os are sell daid, don hut are g'sawt es ware shtyle 
 der hoot tsu "tippa" tsu da weipsleit. Ich hob don net gons 
 hinna draw si wella un hob aw awfonga my hoot "tippa," 
 we are es g'hsesa hut, un ich hob g'noticed os de maid shier 
 olla mohl galocht hen. Endlich sin mere om porra si house 
 cooma, un we ich ni bin cooma sin se oil uff g'shtonna un 
 mere de tze:t ga-budda. Now, sell is net der Deitsch wake. 
 Mer bleibt sitsa un sawgt "how-de-do." Es is olles so shtyl-
 
 9O CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 ish hare gonga. Olles wore "yes, dear," "no, dear," "many 
 thanks," grawd os won se 'nonner in eram laeva net derfore 
 g'saena hetta g'hot. Ich hob gor net dahame g'feeled. End- 
 lich hut de porra's fraw anes fun da maid ga-roofa far cooma 
 un helfa es essa greega un we se fonna on mere onna g'luffa 
 is hut se g'sawt, "excuse me, Mr. Boonastiel." "Ei," hov ich 
 g'sawt, "du husht mere yo gor nix in der wake g'laigt." De 
 kinner hen oil awenich g'locht, awver kens hut ebbes g'sawt. 
 Der porra Mohler hut hardt uff der budda ga-gooked. End- 
 lich wore's essa ready un ich hob my ruck ob g'laigt we 
 dahame un mich on der dish g'hucked. Der porra hut mich 
 net haesa baeda. Are hut mich sella mohl haesa baeda on 
 meim house \ve mere ga-butchered hen g'hot un ich hob's uff 
 de Polly g'shova. Se hen so glaena shnoop-dicher on yaderm 
 deller g'hot, un wile ich se wissa hob wella lussa os ich wase 
 farwass os en shnoopduch is hov ich amohl grawd my naws 
 in anes ga-blosa ! Endlich is es on's essa gonga. Es hut 
 mich ga-peniched ena tsu gooka we se g'essa hen. Ich hob 
 olsfart my essa ins mowl mit em m-esser. Se hen olles ins 
 mowl mit der govvel. Ich hob dcs g'noticed un hob noach 
 maucha wella. Ich hob shier nix ei fora kenna sella wake 
 un ich bin shier farhungered om dish. Es hut mich net long 
 g'numma far ous finna os ich widder en ux fun mere mauch 
 un ich hob shtyle ob g'laigt un bin ni ga-pitched. Gli hut 
 der dish um mich room ga-gooked os won's barrick fire 
 drivver ware, awver der Boonastiel wore sot un sell is ord- 
 lich feel g'sawt. 
 
 Ich bin hame un's grawd der Polly fartzaeled wos ich 
 g'saena un g'haerdt hob. S hut g'sawt ich set mich shemnia 
 my hoot ob nemma tsu da weipsleit, un broveera soop essa 
 mitera govvel. So en dobbich oldts kolb we ich broveera da 
 shtyles noach maucha daid se ga-mawna on en oldte gons os 
 broveered tsu fleega we en awdler. 
 
 Now, ich bin tsu dara conclusion cooma, en mon set 
 sich nee net shemma tsu agena wos are is, far en asel mawg 
 sich gons in ma labe si howd rulla de leit kenna ene duch 
 so g'schwint os are aw-fongt blarra.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. QI 
 
 DE HOUSEBUTZ GICHTERA BRECHA WIDDER 
 
 OUS. 
 
 DE Polly hut de woch widder de hous'e-butz gichtera 
 greeked, un ich shribe dare breef im bed. Ich wase net won 
 ich rouse coom, farleicht gor nimmy. Won ich shtareb don 
 hov ich de farsicherung dos woo ich onna gae wart ken house 
 mas ga-butzed. De shult os ich net my bed farlussa con is 
 des. De Polly hut awfonga house-butza em Moondawg 
 morga, awer de gichtera hen shunt en woch derfore in era 
 g'shoft g'hot. Em Moondawg nocht wore ich ons Huller- 
 hecka far en bushel reeva onna doo os der Sammy Sensa- 
 wetzer fun mere g'wunna hut uff de 'lection, un ich hob en 
 lot agents aw ga-druffa os glseder, kardoo, tzooker un so 
 soch farkawft hen tzoom Mike Blotner far si nier shtore. 
 Se wora oil fina karls hen shtitza heed ga-wora we miner, 
 weisa hemmer, un fina glader aw g'hot. Se hens awfonga 
 uff setza ous der schwortza buddle un es arsht os ich g'wist 
 hob wore ich widder boomerawlish foil. About elf uhr hen 
 se mich hame g'feered, un we ich on unser house (ich mane 
 der Polly era house) cooma bin hov ich era ga-roofa far 
 runner cooma un mich ni holda un ins bed doo. We se 
 cooma is sin de agents fart g'shprunga. Ich hob era g'sawt 
 dos ich glawva daid der schlawg het mich in de bse ga- 
 druffa, awver we se my ochtum ga-rucha hut don hut se 
 g'sawt se daid denka der schlawg ware mere der hols nun- 
 ner, un se daid settla mit mere der naixt morga. Ich bin de 
 spicher-shtake nuff uff hend un fees un se is hinna noch un 
 g'shova mit da hend. Dinshdawg morga hut se mere ga- 
 foora far uff shtse un fire maucha. Ich bin tzum bed rous 
 we en haws, un der tzwet shrit bin ich in en tae-bledly foil 
 carrabet tacks ga-draida. Ich hob morderlich ga-grisha un 
 bin fore gshprunga, don fleegt der bed shtulla uff un 
 shlawgt mere uffs link awg os ich fire-funga g'ssena hob so 
 grose os sooma-karrebsa. Es wore gor shtarns kold, un ich 
 hob gli gens-howd on da bse g'hot os we parshing shtae. 
 Endlich hov ich don de shtaik g'funna un bin nunner
 
 92 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 g'shtart. Der arsht shrit os ich ga-mauched hob bin ich uff 
 en shtick safe ga-draida. Dart is der accident g'happened. 
 Ich bin de shtaik nunner os we en bundel long shtrow ivver 
 en schnse-grusht. Ich hob gamaned es hetta en dutzent asel 
 mich ga-kicked un derno wars gons house uff mich g'folla. 
 We ich g'shtupped hob hov ich ken gense-howd mse g'hot 
 un net feel onery. Ich hob der Polly ga-roofa dos ich 
 ware dote un se set cooma mich dobber ouslaga eb ich so 
 shtife daid warra. Se is cooma un hut grawd g'shicked for 
 der ducter Heffelfinger. Are hut mich examined un hut 
 g'sawt ich het dri-un-tzwonsich ribba farbrucha, un het aws 
 g'netz farsprengt. Are hut mere de bulse g'feeled, my tzung 
 bagooked, mere dri pilferlin gevva, un mich tswse dawler ga- 
 charged. Ich hob mich farschwora ich daid de pilferlin net 
 nemma, un de Polly hut g'sawt es ware shawd se aweck 
 schmisa un wile de kotz shunt a pawr dawg der rutzer het 
 daid se era de pilferlin gevva. Se hut. De kotz is now dote. 
 Won ich in mime laeva widder uff coom don will ich selly 
 kotz shse fargrawva wile se my laeva g'safed hut. Won ich 
 ung-fare dote gae set don will ich hovva os du all my glseder 
 greekst, der Billy Bixler sull de holb-bind buddle keffer- 
 bree hovva os ich unich em oldta Sammy Sensewetzer sime 
 hoystuck far-grawva hob, un de Polly sull olles soonsht 
 hovva, except my neie biskotza burglar-proof safe. Selly 
 sull em Dellawetter g'shicked si far si majority ni schleesa. 
 Es sull aw ken lawyer ga-dinked warra far dare willa shriva 
 soonsht daid are unser hamet farkawfa far si batzawling. 
 
 Dare willa is g'mauched mit meim goota farshtond 
 des is mit so gooter farshtond os ich in mime laeva g'hot 
 hob, un anich ains fun da araver os kicked dare sull gor nix 
 hovva. 
 
 UFF GA-NUMMA ON SIME WARDT. 
 
 DER onner dawg is ebbes om Barrick g'happened os 
 
 mich, be-chudes, ga-lechert hut. Du waisht der Jeck Bixler, 
 
 em Billy si brooder, is unser black-shmidt om Barrick. 
 
 Well, are un der oldt Sammy Sendapetzer hen mit annonner
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 93 
 
 g'settled. Es wore en settlement fun finf yohr far giles- 
 p'shloga, kedda-shtreng maucha, sensa dengla, un so fardt. 
 Der oldt Sammy Sendapetzer hut en gons blaud ga-charged 
 g'hot gaega der Jeck fun hovver far si gowl, garsht far si 
 seilin, hoy, shtrow, grumbeera, waetsa, un so fardt. 
 
 Se hen im Jeck sime black-schmidt shop g'settled, un 
 we der oldt Sammy ni cooma is mit sime booch hut der Jeck 
 grawd g'shicked far der 'Squire Lawbuck. 
 
 "Un wos wit mit en 'Squire Lawbuck/' frogt der oldt 
 Sammy. 
 
 "Ei," sawgt der Jeck, "Ich will dich tsu dinera account 
 schwara maucha." 
 
 "Warroom sull des si?" frogt der oldt Sammy. "Ich 
 hob dich far nix ga-charged os du net greeked husht un du 
 husht in dime laeva mich net derfore g'schwora." 
 
 "Well," sawgt der Jeck, "Ich hob my uresoch. Ich 
 wore der onner owet in der bade-shtoond un hob dich hara 
 di bakentniss gevva. Du husht dart admit os du en oldter 
 sinder bisht, os du olla dawg socha doosht os du net sedsht, 
 lusht der deifel dich on der naws room feera, un in kartza 
 wardta os du en oldter shellem bisht. Ich hob ga-denked 
 du misht ga-watched si, doh hare hov ich der 'squire hare 
 b'shtelt." 
 
 "Oh!" sawgt der Sammy, "sell wore usht en bakent- 
 niss in der karrich far wisa we da-meedich os ich bin. Es 
 wore net so shlim we ich es g'mauched hob." 
 
 "Don husht anyhow ga-luga," sawgt der Jeck. "Bring 
 der 'squire." Are hut ene schwara lussa un se hen g'settled 
 according tsu law. Der Jeck hut mere noachderhond 
 g'sawt are het em oldta Sammy shunt long nimmy ga- 
 drowed, wile so en reicher mon we are os en hoonert-yord 
 ga-bade maucha kent un daid usht 3e dawler es yohr tsu 
 em porra gevva ware awenich tsu geitsich far gons arlich si. 
 
 Un sawg, der Jeck is ken doom-kup, far ich glawb 
 selver net os der deifel en mon feel room feered oony are 
 gebt erne ga-lagenheit.
 
 94 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 WE CON ICH ES BESHT L^VA MAUCHA. 
 
 ICH do sheer olla dawg brief greega fun olla sart leit 
 uff olla sart socha. Now, ich con de brief net oil answera. 
 Feel fun da brief sin fun yunga menner os my rode wissa 
 wella we en laeva maucha. Aner hut mich der onner dawg 
 g'frogt: "We con ich es besht Iseva maucha?" Des is de 
 noddure fun feel dun da brief. Ae answer doots far se 
 oil. Un doh gaits : Amohl es arsht, my yunger friend, 
 sin tswse socha os yader mensch mit sich uff de welt bringa 
 muss, un sell is g'soonheit un farshtond. Du consht sheer 
 olles soonsht somla in dara weldt, awver de tswae sin in der 
 mensch gabora un du mawksht dich educata bis du der 
 besht ga-larnt mon bisht im lond, won du ken gooter far- 
 shtond husht don gaisht du der grebs-gong. Won en 
 yunger mon de tswse socha hut don is ken limit tsu wos 
 are gevva con. Nows shtarta in bisniss is en missliche 
 soch. Won du nows shtardt un du doosht's recht hond- 
 warrick choosa don bisht du oil recht, won net bisht du 
 sheer olsfart oil lets. Doh is woo gooter farshtondt ni 
 coomed. Won du derno in bisniss bisht si arlich un uff- 
 richtich. En fri gawissa is feel wardt. Nem ken geld 
 os du net arlich fardeened husht, farhondel net di arlich- 
 keit uff geld. Du mawksht en ugarechter dawler tsu 
 decka mit arlich geld so deef os du wid, are woxed dorrich 
 ruff we en welshkarn shtuck. Farluss ken freind im fire. 
 Holdt dich net uff mit shlechte coompany. Broveer net 
 yader ebber tsu bleesa, awver do wos recht is un geb ocht 
 uff dich selver. En mon os recht doot greeked olsfart find, 
 wile dale leit woo shlect sin doona usht so leit gleicha woo 
 shlechta socha mit ena doona. Won deeb, un rawver, un 
 lingner, dere socha noach sawga far suspicion fun sich 
 selver shmisa, labe so os nemond es fun dere glawbed. 
 Du consht net expecta dorich de weldt cooma onna op- 
 position, un won du ken opposition meeta daidsht don 
 daidst du aw ken divel wardt warra. Opposition is wos 
 en mon ins fire doot un weist was far quality fun guld os
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 95 
 
 are is. Si net far-shrucka waega leega. Se sin we dreck. 
 Se shtecka tsu deim glaed bis se drooka sin un d-erno folia 
 se ob fun sich selver. En recht-shofficher mon is monich 
 mohl es besht ga-kent by da find woo are hut. Do net 
 tzarrafa biss du es nimmy helfa consht, un derno gae druff 
 lose we en bull uff en hoy-shtuck. Der Martin Ludder 
 hut g'sawt : "Shtrat f rish uff, mauchs mowl uff, hare boll 
 uff," un luss mich dere sawga der oldt Ludder hut en 
 ordlicher levler kup g'hot. Der g'sheitsht gebt olsfart 
 arsht uff. Shoff net Soonda\vgs, gammel net, si olsfart 
 uff ga-laebt, holdt dich fun schlechta weispleit. Mauch 
 oil's geld os du consht arlicher-wise un safe oil os du 
 consht oona geitz. Geb tsu goote socha mitera fria hond 
 un unershtitz karrich un Soondawg-shool. Helf da orma, 
 awver luss neemond es ousfinna, holdt en fri hartz un en 
 weise hond un du finsht ous os des de besht \veldt is os du 
 in dime Iseva drin worsht un dos der himmel net wide ob is 
 won du de weldt farlusht. 
 
 DER NEI NUCHBER. 
 
 MERE; hen nia nuchbera greeked om Barrick far- 
 gechter morga. Em mon si nawma is Sam Kivler. Es 
 will nemond wissa woo are hare coomed. Are hut se 
 hilsich bae un shmoked en pife os shtorrick ganunk is far 
 en lode misht der barrick nuff tzeega. Si fraw is sheer 
 gor en match tsu der Sexfoos Betz un is orrick nuchber- 
 lich. Ich gleich era appearance gor net usht wile se era 
 rechte hond schwenked \ve de Betz won se lawfed. Der 
 arsht dawg hen se de kinner (se hen about en dutzent un 
 a holb) rivver g'shicked far unser shrowva-tzeeger Isena far 
 era bed-lawda tzomma shrowva. De Polly hut's ena 
 gevva un mere hen ene sidder nimmy g'saena. Der same 
 dawg hen se rivver g'shicked far en kessly foil male un en 
 bissel peffer. Owets sin de kinner oil rivver cooma usht 
 we mere uns on der dish g'hucked hen un se hen so hoonger- 
 ich ga-gooked un hen der ruts so dorrich era nase nuff 
 g'schnart os ich fum dish aweck bin un hob g'sawd se
 
 96 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 mechta my supper essa wile ich net hoongerich ware. Se 
 sin druff ni os we de hoy-shrecka in Kansas, un hen even 
 .de deller g'shlecked. Ich hob olles g'schtand bis der 
 graesht boo my ess-govvel uff ga-picked hut far si tzae ous 
 shtarra mit un derno hov ich se erne ous der hond 
 ga-rissa un hob eme g'sawd won are ons ous-mishta wet 
 don set are nows in my shtoll gae. dart ware en govvel far 
 selly bisniss. Owets sin don de oldta leit rivver cooma. 
 De Kivlern hut g'sawt os se ware so fro os se now so 
 goote nuchbera het, os woo se hare wara cooma wara de leit 
 gor net nuchberlich g'west awver se het gor nix shunsht 
 expecta kenna fun so leit. Es warra de meanshta, 
 dreckichta, un u-farshtennishta leit ga-west os se in eram 
 gonsa laeva g'saena het, except de lek woo se derfore mit 
 g'wooned hen un selly wara nuch feel meaner g'west. Ich 
 hob era tsu g'horriched mit ame ore un mit em onera hov 
 ich eram mon ob g'horriched fartzaela we mer k inner uff 
 tzeega set. Are hut derno uff g'wind mit sawga os won 
 mer kinner recht uff tzeega wet don set mer aw lots tsu essa 
 hovva far se un eb ich eme net en holb bushel grumbeera 
 Isena kent. Ich hob g'sawt, "Nae, mere hen kenny far uns 
 selver." Se hen oil es schwetza ga-doo. Ich hob g'ssena os 
 es der Polly gor net aw-shtaid. Se hut wole ga-nunk g'wist 
 os won en familia ken nuchbera hut woo se hare coomed 
 brouch mer net gooka far groose freindshoft woo se onna 
 gaed. Well, we se about reddy wora far hame gae don 
 gooked de Kivlern nuff on de uhr un sawgt : 
 
 "Ei du liever, boll tzaea uhr. Ich bin so farlora sid- 
 der os mere doh woona hen mere ken uhr. Kent eer net 
 uns ains fun eira uhra laena far pawr wucha bis mere afforda 
 kenna aney kawfa?" 
 
 "Nine, nix !" hov ich g'sawd. " 'Sis anyhow nix in dem 
 fardulta ga-lane." 
 
 Se hen g'saena os ich base bin un se sin hame g'shtart 
 oona uns haesa cooma se saena. Sell hut mich ga-bleesed. 
 Ich gleich en mensch os en insult nemma con oona en kick. 
 Es gebt nuch ebbes shunsht eb mere se loos wara.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 97 
 
 DE ORMA HEN MER OLSFART BY UNS. 
 
 ICH hob dere in mime ledshta brief g'shrivva waega 
 unserem nia nuchber, der Sam Kivler. Mere hen ene 
 nuch awver de orma-pflager sin hardt draw far se lose wara 
 wile se bong sin os se uffs township cooma. Du waisht de 
 Beevil sawgt, "De orma missa mere by uns hovva," un do- 
 hare will net usht anich ebber es blame uff da oxla hovva 
 far se fart shoffa. Se sawga der Kivler is en deeb un is 
 tsu fowl tsu shoffa. Ich bin en tzeiga os are tsu fowl is tsu 
 shoffa, un waega em shtaela hov ich nix tsu sawga, awver es 
 sin mere shunt dri hinkel aweck cooma sidder os se doh 
 woona un ich hob de feddera fun ma shiffer-schtanicha 
 hinkel in eram hinera hofe g'saena. Se sawga aw are het 
 si bae ob g'shussa greeked ivver em hinkel shtaela. De 
 nuchbera sin der onner dawg tzomma cooma far blans shloga 
 far ene loos warra. Dale hen ene "white-cappa" wella un 
 onera ene dorra un feddera. Endlich bin ich uff g'shtonna 
 un hob ena g'sawt os de weldt ware we en mowver, un de 
 leit sin de shtae. Yader shtaee hut si blotz in der mowver, 
 derno mauchts nix ous we grum un shep os are is. Now 
 der Kivler is en grummer shtae, awver are hut si blotz, un 
 wile are en deeb is un tsu fowl tsu shoffa daid ich suggesta 
 mere daida ene 'lecta tsu office congress, senate, odder so 
 gor bresident. Der Billy Bixler hut arlawbt are daid gor 
 net ni gae far sel. Are ware derfore far usht de reicha tsu so 
 offica electa, derno breichta se sich net reich shtaela. Ich 
 hob si point admit, un derno is der Alike Blotner uff ga- 
 joompt un hut g'sawt won mere en premium do wedda uff 
 d-eep un fowlenser, don wed are farshtonna hovva os home 
 talent der foretzook het ivver room-laefer, un so wide 6s si 
 reputation concerned ware daid are se grawd ferhondla far 
 congress. Endlich is don de meeting room ga-draid tsura 
 rechta bolidix meeting. Yaderer hut confessed os are goot 
 do kent oony shoffa un kent aw si sheer shtaela wons mohl 
 on der grose hawfa gingt. Se hen der Sam Kivler gons 
 fargessa un yaders huts armsht si wella. Endlich hov ich
 
 98 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 g'sawt ich het ols g'mained ich ware der armst mon om 
 Barrick, un ich daid heit hondla mit anich fun ena un duch 
 het ich in mime Iseva net orum-mood far de leit room ga- 
 peddled. En mon os net uff si ageny bisniss ocht gevva con 
 set net froga far uff onera eary ocht gevva. 
 
 Se hen oil admit os ich de woreheit schwetza da'd, un 
 hen mich g'frogt eb ich de nomination wet far Congress. 
 ''Nosser," hov ich g'sawt, "Ich bin amohl g'luffa far 
 sell ompt un dere het oil g'luga tsu mere we dere far- 
 shprucha het far mich vota except der Billy Bixler. Ich 
 will net widder law fa un nuch en lingner ous eme maucha." 
 Es wore en centre-shuss un hut de karls shrowva maucha 
 os we rowva in ma nesht won mer en pitch-fockel on se 
 haebt. Es hut se oil ga-dishtered os we der oldt Sammy 
 Sendapetzer. En familia fun fuftzae kinner uff's township 
 nemma daid hardt riva on sina holb dutzent boweria un are 
 hut suggest mere daida en collection uff nemma far era 
 fare batzawla nuch Rooslond. Ich hob der Billy Bixler ap- 
 point far der hoot room nemma. We are om oldta Sammy 
 farby is hut are si kup g'nooked os won's en oldter bakonter 
 freind ware, awver hut yo nix ni. We der hoot room 
 cooma is wora sivva cent un en hussa-knup drin. Ains 
 wore en finf cent shtick un sell hut en Irisher peddler ni 
 g'schmissa os g'suffa wore. De meeting is derno uff ga- 
 brucha un de sivva cent sin mere ous em sin g' folia bis 
 mere ons Hullerhecka cooma sin don 'hut der Billy mere 
 der wink gevva. Mere sin uff g'shtepped on der baar un 
 derno hut are g'frogt far sivva cent waert "keffer-bree" m:t 
 tswse shtrow-holma drin. 
 
 Husht du in dime Iseva tswss dorshtiche kelver saena 
 dicky millich ous ame kivvel sowfa? Dart hetsht's saena 
 kenna. Ich hob en longer tzook, awver der Billy hut de 
 awga tzoo g'mauched un de ora tsurick g'laiked we en asel 
 won are blarra will un bis ich recht reddy wore hut my 
 sucker shunt wind g'fonga.
 
 FUM BOONASTlElv. 99 
 
 UFF DER KUP G'SHTELT. 
 
 Du husht mich de ledsht wuch uff der kup g'shtelt in 
 der tzeidung. Do sell in dime laeva nimmy. Ich wore 
 gronk uff meim mawga far a pawr dawg. De leit hen 
 shondlich fun mere g'schwetzed derwaega. De Sexfoos 
 Betz hut g'sawt es ware en grose imbroofment uff my 
 looks wile my fees mae menshlich gooka daida we my g'sicht. 
 Ich hob era g'sawt ich daid era grawd en fardle gevva won 
 se sich uff der kup shtella daid. De Betz Grill hut der Polly 
 fore-g'schmissa os won ich net so feel sowfa daid don breicht 
 ich aw net so farrissna glaeder drawga, un de Polly hut era 
 g'sawt os se het nuch tsu feel tzung un set moll widder 
 em Billy Schnellkeffer si asel rida. Ich shtae aw net arias uff 
 em kup Der mensch os en gonse wuch leeked un badreeged 
 un gaed soondawgs in de karrich un bade far de orma sinder 
 shtaed sex dawg uff em kup un aner uff da fees. Der mon 
 woo si fraw used we en tramp dorrich era gons laeva un doot 
 derno en finf hoonert dawler monument ivver era grawb is 
 usht uff da fees bis are en onery aw-g'henked hut, un der 
 mon woo der awrem shoff-mon nunner bindt bis si kinner 
 nockich gae missa muss uff em kup in der Himmel, won are 
 anyhow ni coomed. 
 
 Droom saesht du ich bin net arlae os oils ebmohls uff em 
 kup shtaed. Feel leit shtaena druff un wissa es net, un es 
 daid uftmohls goot won mer sich druff shtella daid usht far 
 saena we de weldt gooked unna ruff. We ich uff em kup 
 g'shtonna hob hut olles es unnersht-evversht ga-gooked 
 grawd we en mon os g'suffa -is, maned are arlae ware sober 
 un oil de onera leit wara g'suffa. Far ae mohl in meim laeva 
 hut der legislature on Harrisbarrick recht ga-gooked. Oil 
 de Semly-menner wora sober un arlich. Yaderer hut ga- 
 broveered si tzae dawler der dawg fardeena un kenner hut 
 geld in de ribba g'shtecked greeked by da corporations. De 
 drucker wora oil reich un de lawyer oil awrem un uff em 
 wake noach em Himmel. De Demagrawda hen oil far pro- 
 hibition ga-vote, un de 'Publicans hen era offices uff
 
 IOO CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 g'schmissa un sin oils Washingdon cooma os we rotta ous'ra 
 shire won se om brenna is. De porra hen de seek foil guv- 
 erment-benner g'hot, un de rigglewake kanich hen's 
 effongalium ga-breddiched. De karricha wora foil un de 
 wartz-heiser wora lahr. De welsh-hawna hen shtrow-heet 
 g'wora, un de weipsleit hen mse wsega der Beevil g'schwetzed 
 os waega era nuchbera. In fact, es wore olles unnersht- 
 evversht uns hinnersht feddersht. 
 
 Ich tzale mich olla yohr a pawr mohl uff der kup 
 shtella usht far saena we de weldt gooked on da tswae enner. 
 
 DE FEELA LINGNER. 
 
 DE weldt is foil lingner un es gebt olla dawg mse. Se 
 sin we Konadaw dishtla. Won mer mained mer het se oil 
 fardilked don cooma se uff so dick os de hore uff ma 
 hoond. Es hut feel sarta lingn-er. Dale leega for g'shposs, 
 dale far geld un dale wile se nimmy wissa wos de wore- 
 heit is. Ich denk de drucker un de lawyer cooma unich de 
 ledsht gloss, un de shult is wile de lei't en feel graserer 
 price batzawla far ga-druckde leega os we far anich ebbes 
 soonsht. Feel boliditioner cooma aw unich de gloss os 
 leega wile se es net helfa kenna. Won en mon rous 
 corned far office un fartzaeled dere os are der ansiched 
 arlich mon im" feld is un de onera wara oil lingner un deeb, 
 un os si pardy oil de goota points het un de onner oil de 
 shlechta, don helf du ene ous em court house holda 
 soonsht shtaled are de isena henka fun da deera. 
 
 Derno sin de leit woo far geld leega. Won en store- 
 keeper sich farshwared are daid si goods far wennicher geld 
 farkawfa os are batzawkd hut don hold di hond uff dime 
 geld-sock so long os du in sime shtore bisht un mauch ene 
 yoh net uff. Odder won en mon tsu dere coomed far en 
 gwidder-rood uff di house do un sawgt os du hedsht de 
 shensht fraw un de schmardshta kinner im county, don 
 lawd de oldt flint mit fish-sols un hold erne about en foos 
 unich der jacket buckel won are tzu'm gate nows gait.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. IOI 
 
 Dale karl leega derno far g'shposs. Selly sort leega 
 donna farleicht es wenniched shawda fun oil. Feel karl 
 fartzaela de sort leega in g'shposs tin in bisniss is era wardt 
 so goot os era note. Ae mon find blesse-er in shtories far- 
 tzaela un der onner om tsu-horricha. Es doot nemond ken 
 particular shawda un mauched monich mohl en schware 
 hartz leicht. 
 
 Leega kared net tsu monsleit arlae. Weipsleit doona 
 aw ols ebmohls de woreheit shtrecka os se yamered. Won 
 se tzomma cooma don joompa se uff un bussa nonner \ve 
 en droop dowva. In finf manutta won se ousanonner sin 
 is olla shtick glaid os de onner aw hut g'hot ous ga-laiked 
 un fun anonner ga-drenned bis der finsht sida net besser 
 ga-gooked hut in era awga os en older house-loomba. Ich 
 wase net eb mer des leega hasa con, awver es is by giner- 
 osity hard uff de woreheit. 
 
 Oil de onera leega cooma unich de line fun fish ling- 
 ner. Yader ebber leeged os fished. Dohare sin usht so le't 
 worehoft woo tsu fowl sin far warrem grawva. 
 
 DER BOWERA BOO UN DER DUDE. 
 DER onner dawg hov ich en brief greeked fun ma 
 maidel un doh is are un my answer : 
 
 "My LIEVER BOONASTIEL : Ich het garn os du mere ous meim 
 druvvel helfa daidsht. Ich hob tzwae boova os cooma mich saena. 
 Ich bin de ansich duchter un my dawdy hut tzwae boweri un blendy 
 geld uff indressa. Der-aned fun denna boova is en hard shofficher 
 bowers boo. Are is shae ga-nunk awver si hend sin row un si glaeder 
 fitta ene net. Are is so arlich un uff-richtich os der dawg long is un 
 denked de weldt un olles fun mere. Der onner is en yunger mon os 
 in sime laeva nix g'shoft hut un nemond wase we are en laeva maucht. 
 Are hut olsfart de beshta glaeder un se fitta ene os we's bobbeer uff 
 der wond awver 'sis ga-report os are daid net uft ga-nunk settla 
 mit sime shnider. Are is orrick polite, is en gooter denser un con 
 schwetza os we en lawyer. Are sawgt are wet mich usht far en lady 
 en "ornament" hut are mich g'hasa un ich breicht in meim laeva 
 nix shoffa. Now, Gottlieb, sawg mere wella fun denna boova sull 
 ich hira? 
 
 SAU.Y LAUDERBACH.
 
 IO2 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Well, Sally, ich hob usht se mohl g'hired in mim Iseva 
 un ich glawb net os ich widder so en risk runna daid os we 
 ich sella mohls hob. Dohare bin ich net ga-booked uff so 
 socha, owver ich geb dere my opinion un es sull dich nix 
 kushta. Der bowers boo hut rowe hend, un si glasder fitta 
 ene net. Well, ich wet olsfart liever en darrer gowl kawfa 
 os goota points wised os en fedder os de shtaggers hut. 
 De hend sin row. Ferleicht won are en loafer ware done 
 wara si hend glot. Won arawet en shond is don sin si rowe 
 hend en disgrace. Si glaeder fitta ene net? So! Well, 
 f erleicht sin se duch batzawled. Der onner boo will dich hira 
 un nunner seddla. Sawg du erne are set arsht uff-seddla 
 mit sime shnider. My lieve Sally, en arlicher, uff-rich- 
 ticher, ondlicher, flisicher bowers boo is so feel wart os 
 en gonser shoaf-shtoll foil fowlenser. Der aned boo will 
 dich holda we en lady. Duch net? Hut are g'sawt? Mit 
 dime dawdy sime geld ! E-yaw ? En mon os so reddy is 
 far farshprecha maucha is der arsht mon far se farbrecha, 
 un en mon os net wase we mer geld fardeened dare wase 
 aw net wee's tsu holdta. Dime dawdy si how fa mawg 
 grose si awver ich hob in mime laeva nuch ken geld-sock 
 g'saena os so long is os are ken budda hut. En arliche 
 hond os row is en waurem poultis uffera drowericha fraw 
 eram hartz, awver de glod hond fun ma ga-polishta raskal 
 is so kold os en grut in ma hussa-bse. Hire du ken mon 
 far si hend un si glseder aw net for si ga-polishte monneer 
 un si shae g'schwetz. De sin oil shae won mers afforda con, 
 awver se sin net so notewennich os en arlich hartz un en 
 uffrichtiche hond. My dawdy hut ols g'sawt : "Besser en 
 shtickle brote im sock os en fedderly uff em hoot," un luss 
 mich dere sawga 'sis feel woreheit dart drin. 
 
 Du waisht now wos ich mane. De glasder sin der 
 shtamp uff'm dawler der mon is es guld.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 103 
 
 DER CENSUS 'NUMERATOR. 
 
 DER onner dawg is ains fun denna karls room cooma 
 wos se en census 'numerator hsesa, woo ous finna sull we 
 feel leit os es hut doh om Barrick un we feel derfum os 
 g'sheit sin. Are hut ons Mike Dubriggel's g'shtupped un 
 is ni tsu der fraw. Now, de Dubriggelsy wase usht ga- 
 nunk far ni gae won's raegered un ins bed gae won's dunkel 
 waerdt. So g'schwint os se der census 'numerator g'sana 
 hut mit sime bindly don hut se ga-grisha : "Usht fardt mit 
 dere ! Ich use ken bouch-wae druppa, un ich brouch ken 
 brilla far saena os du en fardihenkerter shellem bisht." 
 
 "Ich peddle ken druppa un ken brilla," sawgt der cen- 
 sus 'numerator, "awver ich mus dich a pawr questions 
 f roga. My bisniss is ous tsu finna we feel leit os es im Hul- 
 lerbeera township hut, un won du mere net fershtennich 
 ontwardta doosht don con ich dich dreisich dawler fina." 
 
 "Wos der dihenker wase ich we feel leit os es hut, 
 awver ich con dere se amohl helfa tzsela. Dart is der Gott- 
 lieb Boonastiel un si fraw, de Polly, der Sam Seeshuls un 
 si fraw un era sex kinner sell mauched tzse, un sel is oil 
 os ich tzaela con wile ich net mae finger hob, awver won du 
 wardsht don nem ich my shoe ob un tzale my tzae " 
 
 "Nae, nae," sawgt der 'numerator. "Ich will usht wissa 
 waega dinera agena house-holdting. Bisht du g'hired?" 
 
 "Ga-hired? Woo der dihenker denksht du os oil de 
 yunga hare cooma daida won ich nt ware? Of course bin 
 ich, un my mon is drows im welshkarn feldt, awver der 
 "Wasser" leit uff der hinnera porch." 
 
 "We oldt bisht du?" 
 
 "Well, ich wore in der hovver arn ga-bora, awver usht 
 well yohr con ich dere ferhoftich net sawga, awver es is ga- 
 wiss shunt ordlich long tzurick, far ich wase os ich usht 
 nuch en glae maidel wore we em oldta Sammy Petzmiller si 
 grose-dawdy fargrawva is warra un 
 
 "We long sint dere shunt g'hired?" 
 
 "Ich con's dere ga-wiss net usht sawga. Ich hob en
 
 IO4 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 greitz in der kollenner ga-mauched awver derno hov ich 
 der kollenner farlora." 
 
 "We feel kinner het dere un we oldt sin se?" 
 
 "Well, dart is der Bill are wore ga-bora gli we mere 
 g'hired hen g'hot, derno is der Sam, der Mike, de Sara, de 
 Suss, der Jim, de Mary, der Joe, un de tzwilling un es 
 bubbly, un wsega era eld musht du der Mike saena are 
 hut's oils uff de shtoll-deer g'marricked." 
 
 "Hen se oil era gooter farshtond?" 
 
 "Farshtond! Now mind you! Der Mike hut usht 
 dri wucha hossler ga-act om wartz-house im shtettle bis 
 are besser English schwetza hut kenna os we Deitsch. Der 
 Jim kent laesa we en lawyer won's net ware far .de capital 
 booshtawva, un du setsht usht de Mary hara uff der drumbk 
 shpeela. Der Sam will en show actor gevva, un der Bill 
 will's ductera laerna are tend anyhow oils em duckter 
 Seeshuls si gowl." 
 
 Der 'numerator is derno nows un de shtoll-deer exam- 
 ined, un fun dart is are ins welshkarn feldt tzoo em Mike 
 un hut der balance fun da shtatistics greeked far der Uncle 
 Sam satisfia. 
 
 WE'S GAIT ONERA INFAIR. 
 
 DE Sally Lauderbauch hut era mind uff g'mauched 
 seller bower's boo hira woo ich tsu era recommend hob, 
 un se hut mere en eilawd gevva far on de huchtzich cooma. 
 Se wella en gross wsesa hovva un hen about en hoonert 
 invitations nows g'shicked. Ich denk net os ich un de 
 Polly goena wile ich net ni glawb so en fuss maucha, un 
 won mer on so en blotz gaed is es expect os mer en bresent 
 mit nemt un ich con's farhoftich net arforda. Won ich en 
 boo ware don wet ich net far de feela leit ga-drivva wara 
 far hira os we en blindter asel onera fendu. Des hira 
 is en wichtiche soch un won en mon as mohl in sime laeva si 
 ga-donka by sich hovva set don is es won are far em porra 
 shtaed un mauched so wichtiche farshprecha. We con en
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. IO5 
 
 mon de socha oil ei-nemma won are farshrucka is os we en 
 haws won de hoond hinnich erne sin? Derno, won der 
 porra si shpeech ga-mauched hut don gaits om ring room. 
 De weipsleit bussa de fraw un de monsleit sawga, "I wish 
 you much joyfulness," un so fardt. Ich wet usht about so 
 leeb henka os we in so'ra pine si. Derno gaits far de bres- 
 ents saena. Won en reicher mon en glaener bresent bringt 
 don waerdt's weesht g'schwetzed fun erne! Won en awr- 
 emer mon en grosser bresent bringt don sawga de kit, 
 "dare het besser brode ga-kawfed far si awremy kinner," 
 odder, "dare het besser si arliche shulda batzawled." Bis 
 olles farby is hut der hirawd mae ga-kusht os oil de bres- 
 ents waerdt sin, un de helft sin far gor ken goot tsu'ra 
 yunga fraw. Won ich en yung maidel ware un my dawdy 
 wet mer en grosser hirawd maucha don daid ich eme 
 sawga, "Dawdy, des huchtzich maucha kusht geld. Ich 
 will kenny. Nem's geld os es dich kustha daid un kawf 
 mere en eck-shonk." Of course, dale yunga leit gleicha en 
 grosser show tsu maucha. Se hen shaena glaider un se 
 wissa net we sich gross ga-nunk aw-shicka. Se shtarta ni 
 un fleega hoch. Se fonga aw es doch uff era house do eb 
 se de keller mower uff hen, un ich hob in meim laeva ken 
 house g'sana os sella w T ake ga-bowed wore os long 
 g'shtonna hut. Glae awfonga is en goot ding. Es mauched 
 nix ous we hoch os der awdler fleegt, are mus oils ebmohls 
 uff de aerdt cooma far feedera. 
 
 Teh wore amohl invite g'west on en huchtzich un on- 
 shtots fun gae hov ich der yunga fraw en boy-shissel 
 g'shicked nn hob" druff g'shrivva : "Mae freeda in ma 
 goota ebbel-boy os in ma guldna hols-bond." Es hut de 
 fraw insult un se hut far en gons yohr net tsu mere 
 g'schwetzed. Noach sellem hut se mere ga-donked un hut 
 g'sawd -es ware en froocht-bawer bresent g'west. Dor- 
 rich sell het se ous-g'funna os der naixt wake on eram mon 
 si hartz is dorrich der mawga. In onera wardta. won se 
 goot brode, goote boy un gooter booter uff em dish hut 
 don is era man goodes moods. Won era brote sower is,
 
 IO6 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 era boy usht holver ga-bocka, un der booter shtinkich don 
 is era mon base un groomlich. 
 
 Dale leit sawga hira is en ludderee. Ferleicht is es, 
 awver en moniche chance waerdt farlora dorrich yunga leit 
 sich gross aw-shicka won se es net arforda kenna. "Fong 
 glae aw un geb gross uff," is en oldt shprich-wardt un is 
 wore de weldt ivver. 
 
 DER FIERT JULY. 
 
 MERE hen aw mohl en celebration am Hawsa Barrick 
 g'hot uff der Fiert, un ich con dere sawga won der George 
 Washingdon by uns g'west ware don het are sich farwoon- 
 ered we feel leit os in dem lond sin woo are un der Grish- 
 tuffel Columbus g'funna hen. Ich wore ga-billed for en 
 speech maucha, un ich hob tzwae kollenner dorrich ga-laesa 
 biss ich es shtuft greeked hob far my address. Ich hob der 
 Billy Bixler ga-denked g'hot far es cheera uff-shtarta won 
 ols my fooder oil is warra in der speech. Der Johnny 
 Lawbuck hut mich uff der shtand ga-numma un mich in- 
 troduced ols der grose Washingdon orator. Der shtand 
 wore about sex foos in der hae un uff shtelsa g'shtonna. 
 Ich hob g'frogt far en glass wosser. Ich hobs navich my 
 shtitza hoot uff der shtand g'shtelt. Olla mohl os ich en 
 drink g'numma hob hut der Billy awfonga sulla blotcha so 
 dos ich mse fooder somla con. So naixt os ich mich arinnera 
 con wore des my speech : 
 
 "Grosse, oll-feende, un gagenwardiche untzoocht ! Ere sint heit 
 tzomma cooma far mich hara schwetza. Ere kent gawiss fro si os 
 dere so en grosser mon ga-dinked het far eich tsu armawna. Der 
 Washingdon un der Ghrishtuffel Columbus sin dote un farfowled, 
 awver era grosse dawda doona eena nuch long noach Iseva. We der 
 Washingdon der glse karsha bawm um g'hocked hut mit sime glaena 
 hatchet, un si dawdy hut ene g'frogt ware des ga-doo het, don is der 
 George grawd uff g'shtepped un hut g'sawt, 'Dawdy ich con net 
 leega. Es wore mich mit mime glsena hatchet.' We ich en glaener 
 boo wore hov ich fun selera shtory g'hart un ich bin draw far my 
 woreheit broofa un hob meim dawdy en shaener yunger beera bawm
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. IO/ 
 
 ob g'saked. We are hame cooma is un mich g'frogt, 'my liever 
 glasner Gottlieb, ware hut des widder ga-doo?' don hov ich g'sawt, 
 'Dawdy, ich con net leega, es wore mich mit minera glaena sake.' 
 Wos hut my dawdy ga-doo? Are hut mich shae om awrem ga- 
 numma un mich in de huls shade g'feered. Dart hut are mich 
 g'hocked mit der fawr gashel bis ich rhona uff em bartzel g'hot hob 
 we colda lever-warsht. Sella mohls hov ich my mind uff ga-mauched 
 in meim laeva nimmy de woreheit sawga, un es is anes fun da feela 
 goota resolutions os ich in mime Iseva net farbrucha hob." 
 
 Der Billy Bixler hut awfonga in der hend blotcha un 
 sell hut de onera uff g'shtart, un era yocht hut em oldta 
 Sammy Sendapetzer si oldte lose farshrecked woo om 
 lemonade tzoover wore unich em shtand un se is wedder 
 anes fun da shtelsa g'shproonga un der shtand is tzomma 
 g'folla. Ich bin grawd dorich nunner oona g'shtuppped, un 
 de Bets Biffelmoyer, woo finf foos ivver der shtoomba 
 mest, is uff mich g'folla. Now ich bin ken shtowder mon, 
 des consht du saena on mime picter, awver won ich net 
 so din ware don het se mich by ginerosity in der mid ob 
 ga-dricked. Se hut sich net wae ga-doo, usht wennich 
 g'shtouched im rick. Ich hob gagooked we en far-forrene 
 grut un hob net so goot g'feeled we any wile ich net gons 
 dote wore. Se hen mich uff ga-picked un mich ons Hul- 
 lerhecka ni woo der duckter Gnuchasager widder de 
 shticker tzomma ga-bunna hut mit ma shtrick un mich 
 hame gshicked uff me shoop-karrich. Ich bin widder 
 so os ich awennich essa un drinka con awver ich con net 
 nunner ons Hullerhecka lawfa. 
 
 Won du ung'fare feelsht far ebbes do far di lond don 
 shick mere pawr golla keffer-bree odder bartzel-wosser far 
 my mawga widder awennich uff toona.
 
 IOS CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 OX DER CAMP-MEETING. 
 
 EM Soondawg morga hen ich un de Polly unser 
 beshte glaider aw ga-doo un sin nivver noach der camp- 
 meeting. Es wora feel leit dart. Dale hen Grishdendum 
 g'sooched, onera blesseer, un de ivvericha sin cooma era 
 glaider weisa. Ich glawb awver os de ledsht lot de 
 rnenshta wora. Es wora leit fun olla sarta ; grossa un 
 glaena, longa un dicka, shaena un weeshta. Un wos wora 
 se ga-dressed ! Whew ! De maid hen weisa dresses aw 
 g'hot un shep-ga-dradena shoe, fancia bouch-garta un 
 grosse bustles. Se hen, denk ich, nuch net ous g'foona os 
 de Queen Victoria der Mrs. Cleveland noach g'mauched 
 hut un der bustle ob g'schnolled. De oldt Vic is so fet, 
 se brouch ken bustle mx os wos noddeerlich is, un sell is 
 tsu feel far nodewennich. Hinner-g'scharr is oil recht uff 
 gile far misht fora, awver uff weips-leit is es we -en si- 
 schwontz mae ornamental os useful. De boova wora aw 
 ordlich uff ga-doo. Dale fun ena hen kit hensching aw 
 g'hot far era hend safa. Ich will dere sawga es is hardt 
 uff hend so en gonser Soondawg room lawfa un nix shoffa 
 won mer en gonse wuch hovver binned oona hensching. 
 Se hen grosse buggy-whippa g'hot, un se un era maid hen 
 grundniss g'fressa os der shtawb eena tsu da ora rows 
 g'flooga is. Ich will dere sawga, ich un de Polly wora aw 
 amohl yung, un won mae blesser im Himmel is os we en 
 shae maidel om dowma room feera on der camp-meeting 
 don do mich nunner far en kondadawt far en glaener engle- 
 wara. Schwetza waega engel g'mawned mich on de bred- 
 dich. Es wore en boomerawlishe breddich. Der porra 
 hut widder fertzaled fum woldfish woo der Jonah 
 g'shlooked hut, un fum Moses we are shlonga g'fonga hut 
 in der wilderniss. Derno hut are si discourse uff de orma 
 oldta Yutta ga-draid un hut se duch gor sobberments 
 g'shtriggled. Ich gleich de porra oils hara far de oldta 
 Yutta gse woo shunt fier dowsend yohr dote sin. Es 
 coomed ena goot. Se hen ken freind in dara nuchber-
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 109 
 
 shoft, un won so bfeddicha nix hot bon shots nix, we der 
 oldt bower g'sawt hut we are de gronk sow ga grotsed hut 
 mit ma walshkarn grootsa. Es hut no en brooder 
 ga-bade. Es \vore's same ga-bade os ich ene hara hob ob 
 robbla far de ledshta fartzich yohr. Un ich hob usht ga- 
 denked won are net mae headway g'mauched hut noach em 
 Himmel in denna fartzich yohr os are imbroofed hut in 
 sime ga-bade don gebts nuch meede bse. Ich hob amohl 
 en oldter karl in der West ga-lobed uff si ga-bade, don 
 hut are mich aw ga-gooked un hut g'sawt : "Oh ! Gollv- 
 hill, Boonastiel, du hetsht mich hara sulla bada we ich yung 
 wore. Ich hob oils woonerbawr bada kenna, awver sidder 
 os ich de raidla g'hot hob will's nimmy recht gse." 
 
 Ich un de Polly sin hame eb de karrich ous wore. 
 Mer hen feel socha g'sana os es gevva hut un ich denk es 
 hut feel socha gevva os mere net g'sana hen, awver selly 
 socha doona sich oils selver bakont maucha won de recht 
 tzeit coomed. Ich hob anyhow g'woonered well os beed 
 de gota odder de schlechta socha, awver we mere fardt sin 
 hut der deifel es long end fum bendel g'hot un wore ols om 
 uff wickla. 
 
 DE HOONDS-DAWGA. 
 
 DE hoonds-dawga. Se cooma olla yohr un bliva sex 
 wocha. Yaklicher hoond hut si dawg un dale hen tzwae. 
 Feel menscha hen hoonds-dawga, net usht arlae won de 
 Hoonds-starn om himmmel is, awver es gons yohr room. 
 Dale leit hen era hoonds-dawga der arsht Obrill won era 
 creditors cooma far nota collecta, onera hen era hoonds- 
 dawga noach dem os se hira un era geld wardt oil un se 
 missa ons shoffa far de fraw un es bubbly feedera. In 
 fact, sheer anich etiber hut si hoonds-dawga. Der bower 
 hut si hoonds-dawga won are si wsetsa goot in der budda 
 gadoo hut un expect en grosse sern, awver en hardter 
 winder g'freeds 'm rous, un wos net rous g'frorra is 
 fressa de micka. Der duckter hut si hoonds-dawga in
 
 IIO CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 der nocht won anes fun unsera ketzef om Barrick gronk 
 warra woo'm shunt drisich dawler shuldich sin, un are 
 muss ei-shponna un dorrich der dreck un felsa rous 
 cooma un ene ducktera. Der lawyer hut si hoonds- 
 dawga won nemond sunsht se hut sell is won olles recht 
 gaid unich da leit, won ken rawves, un mortas, un shtales 
 aw gaid, derno hut are nix tsu do far de dihenker fum 
 golya holdta. De porra hen era hoonds-dawga won se 
 on en niar blotz cooma un era g'mse fint ous os der wind 
 se net feedered un os de wolka se net glaid. Da drucker 
 era hoonds-dawga fonga aw der arsht Yenner un enda uff 
 der ane-un-drisicht Detcember, un der Boonastiel hut si 
 hoonds-dawga farhondled tsu der Polly sidder os are si 
 temberance pledge uff g'shmissa hut. De Polly hut now 
 tzwse hoond era dawga. Der onner dawg hut se em 
 Hullerheck wardt g'shicked are darft mere ken licker mae 
 gevva un derno bin ich gonga un bin gor wetters foil 
 warra usht far se tsu shpida. Ich hob g'sawt se het ken 
 recht my "friheit" aweck tsu nemma. Of course ich hase 
 es friheit, awver de fact is, ich hob ken friheit mae. De 
 shpin fun obbadit hut mich in erem wabe un ich bin fesht. 
 Es arsht wore usht ae fawda um mich room un ich het lose 
 risa kenna, awver ich hob g'maned es ware ken g'fore, un 
 hob ga-loched ivver leit woo g'sawt hen de shpin daid 
 mich om end fesht waeva. Olla whiskey jigger wore en 
 fawda fum waeb, un heit bin ich olles ivver-shpunna. Ich 
 nem olla excuse far foil warra. Ich bin de onner nocht uff 
 g'shtonna un nows in de shire mit der loddarn un unich em 
 kee-droke ga-gooked far my buddle, awver der Billy Bixler 
 hut se ous g'funna g'hot, un es wore usht nuch about en 
 soopa-leffel foil drin. 
 
 Ich hob de onner nocht de souf-gichtera g'hot un ich 
 hob en grosse rot saena om uffa-rohr* runner cooma un 
 ivver en dutzent fun der Polly era fas-nocht koocha uff era 
 schwontz feddla, se hut derno es hinner end fum schwontz 
 ins mowl g'numma un is widder es rohr nuff koocha un 
 ollas. Won se nuch uft coomed don gaid der Boonastiel 
 amohl mit era es "rohr nuff."
 
 tfUM BOONASTIEL. Ill 
 
 DE OLDT BECKIE SHTITSEL IM ORMA-HOUSE. 
 
 YETS hen se don nuch om end de oldt Beckie Shtitsel 
 noach em orma-house g'shicked. De oldt Beckie wore 
 anes fun da arshta settler om Barrick, un wore anes fun 
 da beshta house-helder un schmardshta wiver im gonsa 
 lond. Se is de mudder fun sex kinner. Era mon, der 
 John Shtitsel, is shunt tswonisch yohr dote. Are wore 
 en hardt-schofficher mon un se hen era lond gaglored 
 fun hond, un de oldt Beckie hut feel fum grubba selver 
 ga-doo. Finf fun da sex kinner Iseva nuch so wide os 
 se wissa. Der aned, der Bill, es schwortz shofe fun der 
 familia, hut es yohr eb der oldt mon g'shtarva is anes 
 fun da nuchbera era gile g'laened un is fart. Are hut der 
 gowl nuch net tzurick ga-bruched un se glawva are is aw 
 dote. We der oldt mon g'shtarva is hut are ken willa 
 g'mauched, un de oldt Beckie hut da kinner arlawbt de 
 tswonsich dowsend dawler boweri fakawa woo era 
 dower drin wore. Se hut era dower in cash g'numma uns 
 grawd nows ga-daled tsu da kinner in glicha sheer. De 
 kinner hen fershprucha se tsu holdta far de indressa fum 
 geld. 
 
 'Sis olles recht gonga far a pawr yohr. Se hen era 
 uff-ga-wished we oiks un kens hut ganunk do kenna far 
 se. Se wore wilcoom ivverall. Se hut de oldta hussa 
 uff-g'flicked, de shtrimp g'shtupped, nia shtrimp 
 g'shtricked un wore in arbordich grose demand by da 
 g'hired kinner won ols de familia sich fargnesered hut. 
 Era eldt fun sivatzich yohr hut endlich awfonga se 
 schwach maucha. Rumatis hut era hend g'neppich 
 g'mauched, un der Jeck, der yingst fun da boova, woo tiff 
 ma lanes-blotz g'wooned hut un wore nuch kddich, hut 
 g'funna os de oldt mommy nimmy house holda con far ene 
 un are is noach em shtettle un hut sich en fraw hame ga- 
 brucht. De fraw hut en goote eddekasion g'hot, un hut 
 sich goot enjoyed de wile os de oldt fraw de dreckich ara- 
 wet ga-doo hut un se hut novels Isesa kenna, awver won
 
 ii2 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 ols fun era highfalootin coombany cooma is don hut de 
 oldt fraw in der kich hucka sulla un sich net in der shtoop 
 wisa. Endlich hut don amohl de oldt Beckie ebbes g'sawt in 
 coombany os de ni fraw net g'soot hut, un se hut se 
 weesht ob-g'schnart. De oldt Beckie hut ga-ondwardt 
 os se het in eram laeva nuch ken grammer g'fressa un ken 
 shpelling-booch g'shlooked, awver's war's arsht mohl os 
 se unich eram agena soo sime doch g'hasa ware warra era 
 mowl holda. De bisniss wore ga-doo. Der Jeck hut gli 
 ous g'funna os are de wawl hut g'schwisha sinera fraw un 
 sinera mommy. Are hut by der fraw g'shtonna un gli 
 wore si doch tsu glae far de twae weipsleit, un de oldt mom- 
 my hut fart missa. Se hut tzum Mike g'shrivva in der 
 west far se holdta. Are hut tzurick g'shrivva os de lond- 
 shoft ware tsu kold far so en oldte fraw. Derno hut se tsu 
 der Mary g'shrivva. Se woned tswonsich mile sudda 
 fum Mike. Se hut tzurrick g'shrivva, "de londshoft is tsu 
 waurem far eich." De Sus hut g'sawt de oldt fraw kent 
 de yocht net shtanda fun era feela kinner. un der Sam hut 
 g'sawt si house ware gons tsu g\x. 
 
 De oldt fraw wore om end fum bendle, un endlich is 
 se ob ivver der hivvel noach em orma-house g'luffa. Ich 
 hob se g'frogt wos des oil maned. Se hut mere de shtory 
 gevva wos ich dere doh g'shrivva hob un derno hut se 
 g'sawt : 
 
 "Gottlieb, des is der donk os ich hob. Ich bin now 
 sivatzich yohr oldt. Fooftzich yohr fun mime Iseva hov 
 ich tsu ga-brucht sorya far my kinner. We uft hov ich se 
 shlofa g'shuckled in der shtilla nocht woo nemond by mere 
 wore os der leeb Gud. My ormy oldte hend sin grum un 
 shep fun schmartza os ich mere aw-g'shoft hob om sorya 
 far se. Des is my donk. Ich hob shunt feel shrit g'num- 
 ma awver des is der hardsht fun oil." 
 
 Ich hob era noach ga-gooked bis era kup ivver der 
 hivvel drunna wore, un derno bin ich hame mit schwara 
 ga-dunka.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 113 
 
 SE COOMER WIDDER HAME. 
 
 IN meim ledshta breef hov ich dere g'shrivva os 
 se de oldt Beckie Shtltzel nuch em orma-house g'shicked 
 hen. Se is widder tzurick un is es loostiched weips- 
 mensch om gonsa Barrick. Du waisht ich hob dere 
 g'shrivva we de kinner se lose sin warra. Well, der onner 
 dawg is en mon aw-cooma om Barrick os whiskers ivver 
 si gons g'sicht hut, en grosser brseder hoot uff em kup, un 
 en ledderne gardt um si libe. Es hut ebbes ga-glitzered 
 oonich sime ruck os dale g'maned hen daid gooka we en 
 handle funera pishtole. Are is ivver sex foos long un hut 
 en awrem so dick os en uffa-rohr. So g'schwint os are ons 
 wartz-house cooma is hut are g'frogt ware em oldta John 
 Shtitsel si oldte haemet agena daid. Se hen erne g'sawt os 
 der Bill Blotner daid im oldta house woona, awver de 
 boweri ware uff g'schnidda in glaena tracts un wara ga- 
 agened by differenda leit. In wennicher os dri shtond 
 hut are de oldt Shtitsel hsemet ga-kawfed un farshrivva 
 g'hot. Derno is are tsu em 'Squire Luwbuck, woo em 
 oldta Shtitsel si fendoo g'schrivva hut, un hut ous g'funna 
 ware oil de socha ga-kawfed hut. De oldt hilsich uhr hut 
 are g'funna by em oldta Sammy Sendapetzer. In finf 
 minnutta wore se si. Der oldta Beckie era shuckel-shtool 
 wore uff em evvera shpeicher ins Hullerhecka wartz-house 
 un olles farshpoona mit shpinna-waever. En oldte rhode 
 kisht woo se oils de haps, gwilds, fedderdecka un dawf- 
 shina drin g'holta hen wore im Sam Seeshuls sime fooder- 
 gong g'shtonna far en fooder-box. Are hut se rous un 
 frish nei aw-gshtricha. Are hut olles widder tsurick ga- 
 kawfed fum oldta property os are finna hut kenna. Even 
 de oldt koffe-meel hut are ga-kawfed un widder uvvich 
 der fire-haerdt g'shtelt, un der oldt eck-shonk hut are foil 
 rhode-bloomiche deller g'shtelt un ene widder ins eck 
 g'setzed. We are olles fardich wore (un es hut ene dri 
 dawg g'numma) is are gonga un hut em Kitzeldarfer si 
 tswae schwartza match gile ga-kawfed un en foongle nei
 
 114 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 buggy un is fadt ga-driva woo onna hut nemond g'wist. 
 Are wore full bisniss, hut en gonse harsh-howd full-guld 
 g'hot awver hut gons wennich g'schwetzed. Are hut de 
 Mary Bixler, em Billy si schweshter, gadinked far ins 
 house cooma nummy-dawgs un en goot essa uff em dish 
 hovva um sex uhr owvets. De leit sin woonerfitzich wor- 
 ra un dale hen g'maned are ware en rawver. Onera hen 
 g'sawt sell kent net si wile are olles batzawled un hut nuch 
 feel ivverich. Es wore es g'schwetz fum Barrick un de 
 leit wora uff noadla. Fardle bis sex owvets cooma de 
 tswae schwartza gile ivver der hivvel rivver os we en shtrawl 
 olles farshpritzed mit dreck un ware denksht du os are 
 by sich hut g'hot? So wore os ich dere sawg, de oldt 
 Beckie Shtitsel ! Der f rem mon wore era long farlorner 
 boo, der Bill, woo fun hame is ane-un-tswonsich yohr 
 tzurick mit ma onera mon sime gowl ! Are wore de gons 
 tzeit drows in Kallefawny g'west om guld mina un hut 
 ooner-haerdt feel geld g'mauched. We are g'haerd hut os de 
 kinner si oldte mudder noach em orma-house gse hen lussa 
 hut are olles lia lussa un uff de ksers un hame cooma. 
 
 De oldt Beckie hut g'hiled un g'loched se wore so 
 froh, un now wooned se widder im oldta house mit mse 
 geld uff hond os se wase wos mit tsu do, un der soo woo 
 farhossed wore by ena oil (except by der mommy) is by 
 era now un nembts graesht dale fum blotz uff in eram 
 hartz. Are hut em nuchber si gowl batzawled mit in- 
 dressa, si longer bawrd ob g'schafed un si ledderner 
 gardle mit da pishtola henked im shonshta. 
 
 DER BOONASTIEL ON DER COURT. 
 
 ICH wore de ledsht woch on der court im shtettle ols 
 en tzeiga inera weipsleit boderation case os der Charley 
 Leebshtickel un der Billy Boomernickel in der court hen 
 g'hot. Der Billy hut der Charley ga-blamed far sinera 
 fraw en buss gevvav, un hut, glawb ich, en hoonert dawler 
 farlusht hovva wella. Well, ich hob mich expressed os
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 115 
 
 ich daid de Polly nows laena bi'm moonet far bussa on ma 
 hoonert dawler der buss, un der Charley Leebshtickel hut 
 des g'hart un hut mich g'soomensed far em Billy Boom- 
 bernickel si charges far farlusht nunner hocka. Ich hob 
 mich fardult in de niss greeked un ware sheer in de jail 
 cooma der-dorrich, un des is der wake os es gonga is : 
 
 Der Boombernickel hut der Johnny Lawbuck ga- 
 dinked far si lawyer. Der Johnny wore a pawr yohr 
 tzurick usht se en ruts-keffer, un so orem os si mommy 
 ken naits mae g'hot hut far es endgate fun sina hussa tsu 
 naea. Are is derno fart noch der shool un es arsht os 
 mere g'wist hen hut are en shtitsa hoot g'wora un hut 
 g'sawt are ware en lawyer. Well des barshty hut mich 
 examined ufT em tzeiga shtool un des hut starn-hawlich 
 g'mauched. 
 
 Se hen mere amohl es arsht en booch gevva far mich 
 schwara. Ich hob se g'frogt wos es ware un se hen g'sawt 
 es ware en beevil. Ich hob g'sawt ich ware amohl g'fooled 
 warra sella wake un ich wed hovva os se der rhode bendle 
 uff maucha daida un mere broofa os es net widder en 
 kooduckter booch ware. Awver se hen mich ivverwel- 
 diched un mich en beevil aid nemma maucha os ich de 
 woreheit sawga daid. 
 
 Well, de arsht question dos der Johnny Lawbuck mich 
 g'frogt hut wore: 
 
 "What is your name?" 
 
 Now ich hob goot g'wist os der Johnny mich kent, 
 awver far shtride farheeda hov ich erne ordlich ga-ond- 
 wardt : 
 
 "Gottlieb Boonestiel, Esq." 
 
 "Where do you live?" 
 
 "Dahame by der Polly." 
 
 "I don't mean that, where is your place of residence?" 
 
 "Ich hob ken 'residence.' Ich woon nuch im oldta 
 bluck-heisly woo mit dreck tsu g'shmeared is." 
 
 "No, no, Mr. Boonastiel, what I mean is, where is your 
 home, that is, where do you reside?"
 
 Il6 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 "Oh, well ich will dere's so goot sawga os ich kon, 
 sidder os du en lawyer bisht denk ich husht olles shunst 
 fargessa even woo di oldta freind woona. Du gaisht doh 
 nows bis on der greitz-wake, dart gaisht derno dorrich em 
 oldta Hawnayarrick si lane bis ons arsht folder, derno 
 gaisht in ma pawd om Muckel Pestmiller sinera hecka- 
 fense miff bis on der bush, gli sainst derno en oldt heisly 
 uff der rechta hond side os der shonshta ousa draw ga- 
 bowed hut. Sell is es nuch net, awver du coomshed derno 
 on en pawd os dich uff der linka hond side so tzimlich 
 grawd om barrick nuff nembt, un 
 
 "Well, well, hold on now Mr. Boonastiel, the court 
 don't care to hear all that. What we want to know is the 
 general geographical location of the place where you claim 
 citizenship." 
 
 "Om Hawsa Barrick, United Shtates fun Grishtuffer 
 Columbus." 
 
 Sel hut ene awenich g'settled un ich hob ga-denked are 
 het rhu. Awver are hut widder awg'f onga mit : 
 
 "Mr. Boonastiel, what is your business?" 
 
 "Kens fun dinera d bisniss?" 
 
 "I want you to tell this court what you do for a living." 
 
 "Micka-dreck ous schwartzer peffer Isesa." 
 
 Are hut derno appealed tsum judge far mich schwetza 
 maucha, un der judge hut mere g'sawt ich set erne recht 
 ondwarta. 
 
 "Well, proceed, Mr. Boonastiel." 
 
 "Inventor, bolitician, un filosifer." 
 
 "All right, sir. Do you know the defendant?" 
 
 "Der Charley Leebshtickle ?" 
 
 "Yes, sir." 
 
 "fu du farflompts kolb. Farwass set ich net won 
 mere boova by-nonner uff ga-brucht sin worra, un unser 
 eldera hen oils mit-nonner ga-butchered, safe ga-kuched, 
 ga-arned, ga-drusha, un by-nonner Soondawgs in der sama 
 karrich g'schlofa. Du setsht so feel selver wissa."
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 117 
 
 ''I am not presumed to know anything and I ask you 
 this question and demand a civil answer." 
 
 "Well, ich denk net os ansich ebber 'presumed' os du 
 feel waisht, awver du sedsht mae wissa os we en ormer 
 oldter mon we ich tsu bully-ragga un pshimpa doh far oil 
 denna leit. Hov ich dich net oils uff mime bucket dorrich 
 der schnse noach der shool ga-drawga, un dere bolla- 
 kivver ous oldte shtiffel-roahra g'schnitta? Now wid du 
 aw-lussa os won du nemond mae kenna daidsht pm Bar- 
 rick." 
 
 "I don't want any of your insolence," sawgt der 
 Johnny Lawbuck, "and if I hear any more of it I'll have the 
 Judge put you in jail." 
 
 "Judge," hov ich g'sawt, "Ich gas garn tzaea yohr in 
 de jail won du mich tzaea minnutta on sell barshtly lusht." 
 
 De lawyer hen derno en consultation g'hot, un der 
 Johnny Lawbuck is uff g'shtonna un hut g'sawt : 
 
 "The witness is evidently irresponsible and his testi- 
 mony must necessarily be of little importance. I will there- 
 fore not occupy any more of the Court's valuable time in 
 useless interrogatives." 
 
 Un der Judge hut g'sawt : 
 
 "Call another!" 
 
 os MER NET ESSA CON. 
 
 DER Porra Mohler maned ich het ene misrepresent in 
 ains fun mina ledshta breef we ich g'sawt hob os are daid 
 Gud donka os si g'mse erne si loo raegler olla fardle yohr 
 batzawla daida. Are sawgt mere es ware gons wennich 
 geld os are saena daid es yohr room, un fum geld far des 
 yohr's loo het are nuch gor nix g'sana. Ich hob ene 
 g'frogt we are don Iseva daid, don hut are g'sawt uff wos 
 onner leit net essa wella un de pawr grumbeera un reeva 
 os are in sime gorda ga-raised hut dorrich der soomer. 
 Now, es hut mich orrick g'shpite des tsu hara. Ich daid 
 mana en mon kent net goot breddicha mit sime mawga foil
 
 Il8 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 reeva. Awver des is uft der fohl. De leit mana en porra 
 set laeva we en engel. Se treata ene so. Won are um der 
 wake is don sin se so glod os 11 ga-bigelde wonse un olles 
 os are sawgt is recht. Se doona olles far ene os we ene 
 batzawla un sell is es hawbt ding. Se missa uff borricks 
 kawfa odder farhoongera, un won amohl en porra ma 
 mon a pawr dawler shuldich is un are denked are waerdt 
 net batzawled don is em porra si influence ivver seller mon 
 fardt. Der porra daids garn batzawla won are es wexel 
 her, awver si g'mae batzawled ene net un we will are si 
 shoolda batzawla? 
 
 Ich hob amohl n porra ga-kent os shier olla Soon- 
 dawg tsu sinera g'mae g'schwetzed hut wsega sime loo. 
 Endlich is en oldter fore-shtaeer, woo oils en fardle daw- 
 ler es yohr gevva hut tsu em porra, uff g'shtonna un hut 
 g'sawt are het g'maned se hetta ene ga-dinked far bred- 
 dicha far era sala un net olsfart far era geld. Der oldt 
 porra hut ene awenich aw ga-gooked dorrich si brilla un 
 hut derno g'sawt : 
 
 "My liever brooder, ich bin doh far breddicha far ir 
 sala, awver sala con ich net essa, un won ich kent don 
 daids tzae dowsend nemma we diny far ma hoongericha 
 mon en reshpectable breckfesht maucha !" 
 
 So hut's tsu feel karricha-gser olla wile. Se treata en 
 porra we en kanich bis se ous finna os are usht en con- 
 moner mensch is un derno treata se ene we en sow. De 
 socha sin oil lets. Der lieb Gud frogt nemond far uff 
 reeva laeva so os are sselich shtarava con, un won ich en 
 porra ware un se daida mich net besser batzawla don daid 
 ich my ob-shits breddich maucha we der oldt porra we are 
 g'sawt hut : 
 
 "Geld regeneered de weldt, un doomheit Globberdawl."
 
 FUM BOONASTlElv. 119 
 
 DER SCHMART BOO. 
 
 ICH un de Polly wora em ledshta Dunnersdawg driv- 
 va by em Mike Seeshuls uff der onera side em barrick, un 
 dem si boo is usht hame cooma fun der college. Der 
 Mike is en bower un dare boo wore noddeerlich meed 
 gabora, un wile are ene nimmy uff der boweri usa hut ken- 
 na hut are ene noach der shool g'shicked. Mere wora 
 nuch ken finf minnutta dart bis der Mike awfonga hut 
 glawga we laed os es eme daid os si boo nimmy Deitsch 
 schwetza kent. "Un es shlimsht is," hut are g'sawt, "si 
 laming is so hoch os mer si English boll nimmy farshtae 
 con." 
 
 "Ei," hov ich g'sawt, "we long wore are don fart 
 noach der shool?" 
 
 "O, usht tzse wocha, awver are hut so woonerbawra 
 deefa gadonka un used so hocha worda os es em recht laed 
 doot eme tsu horricha won are schwetzed, wile ich ene de 
 helft tzeit selver net ferstse con." 
 
 "Un was will are do far en laeva maucha," hov ich 
 g'frogt. 
 
 "Ei," sawgt der Mike, "ich glawb are will sich repaira 
 far in de ageing bisniss gas won are sich anyhow maintaina 
 con." 
 
 "Un woo hust du di edication greeked?" hov ich der 
 Mike g'frogt. 
 
 "Es mensht hov ich usht so uff ga-picked fum John- 
 ny," hut are g'sawt. 
 
 Ivver dem coomed der boo in de shtoop. 
 
 "Well, Johnny," hov ich g'sawt, "we gleicht du de 
 shool?" 
 
 "Aw deah, its way out of sight. I, ah, was tempted 
 never to come back again. This place is entirely too slow 
 for me, and if it hadn't been for the bonds of consanguinity 
 that bound me to this deah old home I should have stayed 
 at college until I had gwaduated !" 
 
 "Oh, selend !"
 
 120 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 "Un . husht du oil di Deitsch fargessa?" hov ich 
 g'frogt. 
 
 "Xo, not altogether, ah, but it is such a hawrid cor- 
 ruption, such a supersquirtical conglomeration of lingual 
 analysis that I have almost concluded to drop it from my 
 vocabulary !" 
 
 Ich hob long uff der budda ga-gooked un hob 
 g'winched ich ware en shil-grut so os ich my kup ei-tzeega 
 kent, awver ich wore nuch net gons reddy wile es middawg 
 essa boll reddy wore un ich hob shunka-flaish ga-rucha. 
 Es wore olles shtill far about finf minutta. Der boo hut si 
 pawr mustach ous-anonner g'shprayed so os se si lefts tsu 
 decka, un si cuffs ous da armel gatzooga so os mer de 
 guldna gnep ssena hut kenna. Endlich sawgt are: 
 
 "Mr. Boonastiel, I have secured the agency for an en- 
 cyclopaedia for this county, and I am thinking you ought to 
 have one." 
 
 Des wore tsu feel far de Polly un se is rous g'fora: 
 "Yaw," hut &e g'sawt, "bring mere usht anes fun sella f ar- 
 hexta dinger ins house un derno gebts smoke in der kich. 
 Der Gootlieb is amohl der hivvel nunner g'fora uff anes 
 fun sella fardihenkerta redder un hut sich der hols sheer 
 f arbrucha !" 
 
 Der Johnny hut era explained es ware ken ding far 
 druff rida awver en booch far hocha wordta finna, awver 
 de Polly hut arlawbt ich wist ganunk hocha wordta won 
 ich ols hame cooma un bin g'suffa. 
 
 Gli wors middawg essa reddy. Mere hen uns oil tsu 
 salawd g'hulfa ousera grossa shissel, groombera <es same, 
 un es shoonka-flaish wore uff ma grossa deller un doh hen 
 mere oil unser brote ni ga-doonked. Awver net so mit em 
 Johnny. Are wore on ame end fum dish g'hucked un 
 about en dutzent glaena deller um sich room g'hot. En glse 
 schnoop dichly uff em shose un mit dem hut are olla-ga- 
 but si mowl ob ga-butzed. Ich hob ene ga-watched bis es 
 mere ivvel g'mauched hut, un ich bin in de shtoop. Der 
 Mike is mere noach cooma un g'frogt wos letz ware. Ich
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 121 
 
 hob erne g'sawt nix, usht es ware en grosse pitty en kind 
 fart shicka far so gooter farshtond farhondla uff awennich 
 laming. 
 
 "Ich wase wos dn mansht, Gottlieb, awver wos doot 
 mer. are hut evva shunt awfonga Latin shtudia." 
 
 "Shpon ene ei ! Shtell dich hinna on ene un won are 
 shtreidich wardt hock erne in de flank ! Froke ene wos 
 hau'labiis, dnngabus, fieldabus mained in Latin un derno 
 farbrech em's greitz won are net draw gaid, far farluss 
 dich druff, won du net doosht don farbrecht are dere di 
 hartz !" 
 
 Der oldt mon is nows un sich en longe ebbel-gart 
 greekt un mere sin gli hame g'shtart. We mere om misht- 
 hofe farby sin hov ich en whip hara pifa im wauga shup 
 un olla shtraich en wardt g'hared : "Dunner uns wedder- 
 abuss hawlabuss dungabuss fieldabuss raiksht dich 
 now !" 
 
 Der naixt dawg wore der Johnny heftich om misht 
 fora. Der Mike, hov ich g'hared, hut si knecht discharged 
 un is widder selver boss uff sinera agena boweri. 
 
 MORAL: Awennich laming is grosse g'fore. 
 
 ES SHOLK-YOHR. 
 
 DES is Sholk Yohr, odder "Leap Year" we der Eng- 
 lish mon sawgt, es yohr woo de maid de boova froga far 
 hira. Ich bin froh os es olla fier yohr en tzeit gebt os de 
 maid de bisniss do missa un de bbova wara g'schoned. 
 Consht du dich nuch arinnera we du di fraw g'frogt husht 
 far hira.? Ich con, un wile ich glawb os yadder ebber ga- 
 interest is drin don will ich dere's fartzsela. 
 
 Du kensht de Polly? Se is my fraw. Well, we ich 
 so about ochtzae yohr oldt wore don wore ich shunt so en 
 ordlicher knup fun me boo. Uff se mohl bin ich awfonga 
 dahr wara. blaich un mowderich. My gross-mommy hut 
 g'maned ich daid de raidla greega un se hut awfonga mere 
 tx maucha fun ga-grider ous em gorda. Ich hob's net
 
 122 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 nemma wella, awver se hut druff insist, un ich hob's ivel 
 odder wole, evva drinka missa. Awver es hut mere nix 
 g'hulfa. Ich bin oils mowdericher worra, hob my obbadit 
 farlora un se hen g'maned ich daid en glaener engel gevva. 
 Se hen en ducter ga-roofa un are hut mere my bulse 
 g'feeled, mere de tzoong bagooked un endlich mere en 
 loxeering geva. Awver es hut ken wexel gevva except 
 wos im ducter si sock is. De fact is ich wore in leeb, un 
 es wore usht se mensch in dara gonsa weldt os mere helfa 
 hut kenna un des wore der Widfraw Shively era duchter. 
 Se wore unser nuchber un mere hen oils g'shpeeled mit 
 enonner we mere kinner wora, awver sidder os mere uff 
 ga-woxa wora hen mere g'seemed uns far annonner faricha. 
 Se wore es shensht maidel in der gonsa nuchbershoft un 
 es wora edlicha karls era noach g'schneaked aner wore 
 nuch so gor en lawyer awver olla mohl os ich se in coom- 
 bany aw-ga-druffa hob don hut se mich ga-treat mit partick- 
 ler faver, un as mohl hen mere pusht-qffice g'shpeeled onera 
 pardy un se hut mich in de shtoop ga-roofa far my mail 
 greega woo se gons arise wore. Ich bin nei un we ich se 
 dart ssena hob shtse don is mere my hartz gons in de 
 shtiffel g'sunka. Ich hob se net aw-ga-raiked un der buss 
 woo reddy g'wardt hut far mich uff era leftsa hov ich net 
 g'numma ! Oh ! wos en hartz-kower. Ich bin nows hin- 
 nich der bock-uffa un mich ga-kicked. 
 
 Well, des ding is so fardt gonga. Ich bin oils shlim- 
 mer worra. My bouch is mere ei-g'folla un my glaider 
 wora mere tsu grose. Se hen g'maned ich daid de ous- 
 tzaring greega, awver ich hob ena g'sawt es ware on meim 
 hartz un net on minera loong. Endlich hov ich my mind 
 uff g'mauched os ebbes ga-doo si mus. Ich hob conclude 
 des maidel froga far mich hira, un won se refused, mich tsu 
 henka. Ich hob en grosse gicht-rose uff my jacket 
 g'shpelled un bin ob g'shtart far der Widfraw Shively era 
 house grawd os won mer tsu em duckter gingt far en tzaw 
 rupppa. We naixter os ich on era house cooma bin we glen- 
 ner is my hartz worra un we ich's doch g'sana hob hov ich
 
 tfUM BOONASTIEL. 123 
 
 g'maned ich kents rous shpautsa. Es wore shunt om dunkel 
 wara un we ich about en dootzent yserd fum house wore 
 don hare ich ebber singa : 
 
 "Du liever, wos is der? 
 
 Coom hare don un pishper 
 Un sawg mere wos is lets mit dime hartz. 
 
 Wos druvvel, wos kimtner, 
 
 My hartz husht du immer, 
 Du vvaisht duch du bisht mere gons leeb." 
 
 Es wore warricklich des maidel. 
 
 We se der tzwet farsht g'shtart hut hov ich's nimmy 
 shtanda kenna un ich bin uff g'shtepped tsu era un hob 
 g'sawd : 
 
 "Mainsht du mich?" 
 
 "Och, Gottlieb, wos husht du mich farshrucka ! Woo 
 coomsht hare ?" 
 
 "Fun hame, un ich bin coonia dich froga eb du 
 mich 
 
 Un usht about sell tzeit hov ich g'maned my gons 
 gling daid mere der hols roof cooma. Es hut mere im kup 
 ga-dunnered, bin dormlich worra un hob g'maned ich daid 
 folia. Se hut mich g'fonga un uff era shtool g'setzed. 
 Derno is era g'sicht naixter un naixter cooma, era awrem 
 oom my hols room un uff ae mohl hut se mich ga-bussed, 
 dri, fier, finf, sex mohl ! 
 
 Jimmany crickets un General Jackson ! Wos wora se 
 so sees ! Whew ! Schwetz waega booch-waetza koocha un 
 malossich, belly-buts un lickerisball. Ich hob g'feeled os 
 won ich om farshmelsa ware, daid in en grose shtick 
 tzooker draya un de Polly wet mich essa, un ich hob ken 
 continental droom gevva won se daid. Ich kent ken sees- 
 erer dote shtarava. We ich tsoo coma bin don wore my 
 gicht-rose uff em budda g'laega, my hoot ins eck g'rulled, 
 my ainder gallus-gnup ob ga-rissa un my gonser jacket- 
 buckel farshprengt.
 
 124 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 "Gottlieb, Gottlieb," sawgt se, "du bisht net om 
 shtarava?" 
 
 "Oh, nae! Net usht ollaweil. Ich bin cooma dich 
 f roga eb du mich hira daidsht ?" 
 
 "Why, of course. Farwass husht mich net shunt long 
 g'frogt?" 
 
 DRUVVEL MIT DER POLLY. 
 
 MER hen widder shtride in der householding. De 
 Polly hut mich fardt ga-yawked far unser karraseera aweck 
 gevva, un ich hob shunt aw-shprooch greeked fun edlicha 
 weipsleit far tsu ena cooma, anes fun denna wore de Betz 
 Grill, woo sella mohls der Billy Schnellkeffer hira hut wella, 
 un ich will be-chudes leever farfreera os mit era uff nemma. 
 Du waisht se hut sich sella mohls en shtick tzoong ob ga- 
 bissa we se fum asel g' folia is un se sawga mere sell ware 
 widder oil noach ga-woxa un se kent ma karl Hail Columby 
 widder gevva in rechter ord. Se wore mere gons ous em sin 
 g'folla we ich ga-adfertised hob far en bed-feller, un ich hob 
 aw net draw ga-denked os se uff nemma daid mit mere. Ich 
 het mere tzwse weipsleit ous holdta sella, un sell \vore de 
 Betz Grill un de Sexfoos Betz. Ich wase os de Sexfoos Betz 
 mich farrivla daid won mere ousfolla daida, far hut se mich 
 net sella mohls ivver em house-butza im gorda room g'shlen- 
 kered bis se sheer oil my blowma bame farbrucha hut g'hot ? 
 De Betz Grill is net so g'farlich awver se is so sobberments 
 weesht. Se waerdt en bar-rick, hut en glossich awk, en naws 
 os we en blook-shawr un usht nuch tzwae tzae. Era mowl 
 gooked os we en karrich-hofe in der nocht won der moond 
 shined. Sell is aw net oil. Se hut en foos os we en hinner 
 shoonka funera tzwse hoonerd poond sow un gne-awga 
 draw we en ous-galefftede walniss. Se hut bae os we en 
 growd shtomper mid da wauda 'sunnersht-eversht draw. 
 Es mecht dich farleicht wonera we ich sell ous g'funna 
 hob, awver sell gaid nemond nix aw.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 125 
 
 Ich bin gawiss ivvel ob, un ich ware garn widder tzti- 
 rick far fun der Polly era goote booch-waetza koocha -essa. 
 Mer wase net wos wosser waerdt is bis der brunna drooka is, 
 un sidder os de Polly mich fadt ga-yawked hut fin ich usht 
 ous wos en goote haemet os ich g'hot hob. Ich hob era der 
 onner dawg en brief g'shrivva un hob g'sawt wile mere don 
 net agreea kenta don wetta mere draw gae un unser socha 
 fardaila, en shaeda-brief greega, un uns widder farhira. Se 
 hut mere wardt gshicked dorrich der 'Shquire Luwbuck os 
 es soch ware shunt long fardailed un der ansich wake os ich 
 het far tzurick cooma ware anes fum General Grant sina 
 "unconditional surrenders" maucha. Now, eb ich uff my 
 knee gae far ma unnerruck fress ich hoy we en ux. Wos ich 
 g'sawt hob waega unserem karraseera is wore. De Polly 
 wase es. awver se wills net admitta. Mere wora grawd we 
 feel onera yunga leit heitza-dawgs woo on anonner room 
 shlovera os we tzwse kelver won s-e dickey millich ous ma 
 kivvel sowfa. De oldta maid maega de nause nuff draya, 
 awver won se en chance now hetta far en mon karraseera 
 don daide se uff erne room shlovera os we en gowl won are 
 farraeged glaya-hoy g'fressa hut. D socha saena mer oil 
 won se farby sin, awver 'sis gor ken use os mer de woreheit 
 farlaegled. 
 
 Teh board now widder by em Billy Bixler, awer ich 
 denk net os ich long mae bleib. Der Billy is en ormer ketzer, 
 grawd we ich server, awver are hut en grose hartz un 
 gleiched mere net ous-beeda. Won de Polly net era mind 
 wexeled don gane ich uff der wake un nem em oldta Abe 
 Lacy si blotz. So hod-ya. Ich luss dich hara fun mere. 
 
 EN TRAMP. 
 
 WELL, doh bin ich in ma fremma lond. Em Moondawg 
 en wuch hov ich der Hawsa Barrick farlussa far en tramp 
 gevva. De Polly hut nix derfun g'wist os ich gx, un about 
 nine uhr bin ich nuff in der bush naixt ons house un mich 
 uff de fense g'hucked. Ich hob net goot fardt gae kenna 
 oony se nuchamohl saena, Se is gli rous cooma un de 
 
 9
 
 126 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 g'charr-wesh-shissel ous-g'lard un derno grawd widder ins 
 house. Se hut mich net g'ssena un ich hob era net ga-roofa. 
 Ich bin ivver de fense nunner, mer en shtuck g'sooched un 
 derno ob der barrick nuff g'shtart mit ma schwara hartz. 
 So long os ich's house saena hob kenna hov ich tsurick ga- 
 gooked, un endlich bin ich ivver der top un drivver nunner 
 g'shtart. Ich hob mich he g'sitzed un g'shtudied. Far fart- 
 zich yohr hen mere by anonner g'lsebed. Mere hen uft 
 shtride g'hot un ich wore de mensht tzeit de shoold. Mere 
 hen olla tswse blendy shpunk g'hot un es glensht ding hut 
 uns uff g'shtart un far gonse dawga hen mere net tzomma 
 g'schwetzed usht wile mere olla tswae tsu feel mowl hen 
 g'hot. Se hut amohl en lot porra hame ga-brucht un de hen 
 en wonerbawrer obbadit g'hot. Ich hob dri dawg huls 
 g'saked far der oldt Sammmy Sendapetzer far en welsh- 
 hawna fardeena far en roasht maucha. De Polly hut denna 
 porra de shenkel, der bartzel, es levver uns hartz uff era del- 
 ler g'hifled un ich wore dart g'hucked un der hols un de 
 fliggel ob g'sookled. Ich het nix um sell gevva won se net 
 olla ga-butt g'shtupped hetta ivver em essa far mere sawga 
 woo ich shtae. Aner hut g'sawt der deifel daid mich amohl 
 ae dawg lavendich hola un de hell ware mere shure. Des hut 
 mich so sobberments fortzarndt os ich uff ga-joomped bin 
 un hob erne g'sawd os are mecht don amohl awhile shtarta 
 un ich mecht ferleicht ivver" awhile noach cooma. Des hut 
 de Polly insult wiles en porra g'west wore. Ich hob era 
 g'sawt en porra ware en ga-laernter mon un set mge fershtond 
 hovva os we so tsu ma mon schwetza on sime agena dish 
 arbordich won are em si welsh-hawna shenkel uff em deller 
 het. Der ous-coom derfun wore os mere net g'schwetzed 
 hen far tswae wucha, un onshtots fun de hell arlae lussa, we 
 mere do hetta sulla, hen mere en branch establishment da- 
 hame im house g'shtart. Un so is es fardt gonga. . De 
 mensht tzeit hov ich uff gevva un now is de Polly so weit os 
 se maned ich set olsfart uff-gevva eb ich recht bin odder 
 net. Des is mere tsu hardt cooma un now gaena mere tswae 
 waega. Es hut uns fartzich yohr g'numma for der barrick
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 127 
 
 miff groddla mit anonner now nembts fartzich minnutta 
 far der barrick nuner ous-anonner gae. 
 
 Sidder os ich der Hawsa Barrick ferlussa hob un bin 
 om dravla hov ich in da shira g'schlofa un huls g'saked un 
 shtell ous g'misht by da bowera far my essa. Ich hob net so 
 feel g'schoft in tzaea yohr os ich de tswae ledshta wucha hob, 
 un my experience ols en tramp mawg interesting wara eb 
 ich fardich bin. 
 
 UNNER FREMMA LEIT. 
 
 AE helft fun der weldt wase net w de onner helft Isebt. 
 Des hov ich uft hara sawga awver hobs net ga-glawbed bis 
 ich's selver ous-g'funna hob. Ich hob in meim laeva net 
 g'wist wos es is hoongerich tsu si. Ich wase now ebbes 
 derfun. En tramp ! Yader mensch shied sich far mere un 
 won ich uff der shtrose lawf don gooka de leit mich net 
 aw bis ich farby bin un derno draya se room un gooka 
 mere noach. Ich hob shunt feel waega g'saena far en laeva 
 maucha, un ich hob shier olles ga-broveered os we beddla, 
 un sell doon ich net. Ich ess net oony ich hob my essa 
 fardeened, un ich gae uftmohls far en gonser dawg eb mere 
 ebbes der hols nunner gaed except es goot wasser un de 
 frish looft os Gud uns fri gevva hut, un wons meeklich 
 ware don daida de reicha de socha aw morgaga un der 
 orem mon fardorshta. Ae onner ding hov ich ous-g'foona 
 un des is os de leit woo es wennicht tsu gevva hen sin es 
 g'schwinsht reddy far em helfa. De wissa wos hoonger is. 
 Se hens shunt selver g'shpeered. Es maucht nix ous we 
 feel riggers is in ma mon sinera bank account sin un we 
 hoach os are shtsed in society, de reicha sin oil ivver as 
 laesht ga-maucht, un far selly mus ich es mensht huls saega 
 far my middawg essa. Ich will net hovva os du denksht 
 os gor ken blesseer is in so ma laeve we ich ollawile fere. 
 De graesht blesser is blendy tsu essa hovva won mer recht 
 hoongerich, is un es u-blesseerlicht ding is on ma fulla dish 
 hucka won mer net essa con. De beshta ga-noddoorda
 
 128 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 mensha woo era laeva es besht enjoya sin de shoffmon woo 
 ken kimmer hen os we brote somla far era householdting. 
 Won du en u-rooicher mensch finna wid don sooch aner os 
 olles in dara weldt hut os are will. Ich bin der onner 
 dawg on en house cooma woo en reicher mon dahame 
 wore. Teh hob shier en glowfter huls uff g'hocked far my 
 middawg essa by erne. We de familia g'essa hut g'hot 
 hen se mich nei g'roofa un mere en oldter shtool on der 
 dish g'setzed. Ich denk se hen ga-denked ich ware 
 lowsich odder gretzich. Der mon hut sich hinna on mich 
 g'hucked un mich ga-watched so os ich yo nemond dote 
 mauch eb ich fardich bin essa. Are wore anes fun sella 
 karls woo, won are ga-tzooga wserdt far en jury-mon, 
 hinna on sime nawma sawgt "gentlemen." Ich hob en 
 obbadit g'hot we en sake-meel. Are hut mere tsu 
 ga-gooked we ich ae shtick brote um der laeb room noach 
 em onera nunner g'shroad hob, un endlich hut are g'sawt : 
 "Och ! Ich dait en dowsend dawler gevva far di 
 obbadit!" 
 
 "All right," hov ich g'sawt, "Ich farhondle dere ene." 
 "Yaw," sawgt are, "we con ich ene greega?" 
 "Sell is easy. Luss mich in di shtool hucka un gae du 
 ons huls ssega." 
 
 Are hut mich awver net uff g'numma. Un so gaits 
 in der weldt fardt aner soocht far brote un der onner 
 soocht for en obbadit. Geshter wore ich on ma house 
 ivver middawg. Es wore en reicher mon mitera lot 
 kinner. Are hut en long ga-bade g'mauched om dish in 
 English un hut g'sawd: "Help the poor and the needy, the 
 dying and distressed." Ich wore im eck g'hucked un bin 
 net on der dish g'hsesa worra. De kinner hen mse far- 
 darva os ich g'essa het. We se awfonga hen der dish ob 
 rawma hov ich de fraw g'frogt eb se mere net a pawr oldte 
 hussa gevva kent. 
 
 "Nae," hut se g'sawt, "Ich schnide em mon si oldta 
 hussa oil uff far gwilds maucha far ob-chanca on unsera 
 karricha fser far geld raisa far de hida bakara."
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. I2Q 
 
 Se imt mich net g'frogt eb ich bakert bin, un hut, denk 
 ich, aw net draw ga denked os ich farfreere mecht eb se 
 era gwilt ob g'husseled greeked. 
 
 Now, won der Himmel foil leit waerdt we des weips- 
 mensch don glawb ich net os en grosser demand gebt far 
 "front seats." Ich daid amohl anyhow net chanca hondla 
 mit era won se mere en f oongle neie pawr kassanettne hussa 
 in der barga gevva daid. 
 
 IN DER JAIL. 
 
 Du DOOSHTS mere farleicht net glawva, awver 'sis 
 warricklich wore ich bin in der jail ! Geshter en wuch is 
 en gowl g'shtola warra ous ma mon sime shtoll, un wile 
 ich der ansicht frem mon wore os kartzlich g'saena is warra 
 in der nuchbershoft "hen se grawd uff mich ga-pitched un 
 mich in de jail ni-g'shtecked. Es hut mich goot ga-nunk 
 g'suit wile des weesht wedder ei cooma is, awver de idea os 
 ich in der jail shtecka set ols en giles-deeb doot mere my 
 hartz sheer farbrecha. Ich hob forhoftich ken gowl g'shtola, 
 awver se hen so'n holb-ga-bockener detective doh un 
 dare hut sich wisa wella un der deeb recht g'schwint fonga, 
 un wile ich en tramp bin un hob ken geld far mich defenda 
 shtane ich en goote chance far awhile doh bliva. Ich daid 
 nix droom gevva won ich arise doh ware, awver in der 
 naixta ben tsu mere is en marder ei g'shpart. Dare karl 
 hut nix ga-doo dorrich si gons laeva os we rawva un sowfa, 
 un is ae nocht hinnich en shse, young u-shoodlich maidel un 
 hut se g'mardt. Farwoss des con mer denka. 
 
 Des is de coombany os ich hob, un es shtaid mere gor 
 net aw. Are sull g'henked warra der drit Moy un ich 
 cons be-chudes sheer net shtanda doh hin si won sell ob- 
 gait. Sell is aw net oil. So long os ich doh bin don bin 
 ich ga-glossed mit dem drechicha keyone. Der onner dawg 
 sin tzwae yunge mon doh ri cooma far der marder saena un 
 hen grawd fonna on minera ben g'shtupped un mich ba- 
 gooked. Don sawgt aner tzum onera:
 
 I3O CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 "Seller karl hut en weesht awk. Are daid en gonse 
 house-holding marda far en cent." 
 
 "Yaw." hut der onner g'sawt, "seller kent ich selver 
 henka." 
 
 Des hov ich net shtanda kenna, un ich hob se g'frogt 
 eb se wista waega wem os se schwetza. 
 
 "Du bisht der Bloom, der marder," hut aner g'sawt. 
 
 "Ich denk net. Ich bin der Gottlieb Boonastiel, un won 
 ich doh nows kent don daida tzvvas dudes era rick far- 
 brucha greega !" 
 
 Se sin un de naixt deer un dart hen se g'funna wos se 
 g'soocht hen. 
 
 Gli noach sellem sin en lot maid ri cooma un hen mere 
 oranges un blooma dorrich de isena shprussa ni g'hand. Ich 
 hob se g'numma un evva awfonga oranges essa os de bree 
 mere om bawd ob ga-drupsed is. We anes fun ena ous- 
 g'funna hut os ich net der marder bin hut se awfonga greisha 
 os we en yaricher laefer won are in der fense shtecked. Se 
 hen hovva wella ich set des soch widder nows handa. Se 
 hen's intend g'hot for my butty in der onera ben. Ich hob 
 ena g'sawt der Gottlieb Boonastiel het olsfart gredit g'hot 
 far gooter farshtond, un nemond os en narr daid so en 
 boondle oranges uff gevva won ar see amohl het. Aney hut 
 g'sawt, "nawsty thing," aney hut g'sawt, "the brute," un en 
 onery hut g'sawt, "Oh, if I only had him." Sell hut mich 
 ga-lechered, un ich hob era g'sawt se mecht mich hovva, libe 
 un sale, won se ni cooma daid, wile des anyhow sholk-yohr 
 ware! Ich hob lots fun g'shposs mit ena g'hot, awver es 
 hut mich ga-dinked os won ich net so goot ware os en mar- 
 der. Sheer olla dawg sin en lot leit doh hin far dare raskel 
 bakara. Si tzeit is kartz, awver wile are en divel wore in 
 dara weldt daida se now garn en engel ous erne maucha far 
 de onner. Ich wase net, awver's will mere net recht in der 
 kup. Won des orem maidel woo are dote g'mauched hut net 
 gons prepared wore far der goot blotz don is se farlora, un 
 de wile os se uff da kohla lawft un rooft far en druppa was- 
 ser, doot dare ketzer druvva in der hse sitza un shpeeled de
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 131 
 
 hariff. Are sawgt are het en ticket direct far der himmel. 
 Ich winch erne ken unglick, awver ich wut duch os de train 
 woo are druff gaid daid ivver en koo shpringa un umshmisa. 
 Da Moondawg hov ich my hearing far em 'Shquire, 
 derno fin ich ous wos mit mer gebt. 
 
 ARE FINDT EN FREIND. 
 
 Ous der jail un widder uff em wake. Se hen ken 
 evidence gaega mich g'funna on minera haering un der 
 'Squire hut mich fry gevva providing ich farluss so 
 g'shwint os ich con. Now, woo in dara weldt sull ich he? 
 Hov ich ken recht mas os ansich ebber reshpecta muss ? Bin 
 ich net noach -em greek far fechta far unser lond, un ware 
 aw ga-blivva won ich net de follent gronket greeked het we 
 ich's amohl hara hob dunnera? Un now muss ich fardt. 
 Farwass? Un woo onna? Is mse en blotz in dara weldt 
 far en mon won are amohl drunna is? Het ich en gowl 
 g'shtola don ware ich in de penisemly g'shtecked worra. 
 Het ich en holb millune dawler g'shtola don hetta se mich 
 noach Congress g'shicked. Wile ich nix g'shtola hob un 
 nemond nix in der wake g'laiged hob don muss ich fardt. 
 De leit gooka mich aw os we en risend ga-deer, usht wile 
 ich in der jail wore. Won oil de u-arlicha menscha un de 
 professional deeb in der jail wara don daid unser Shtate 
 House on Harrisbarrick in en shofe-shtoll ga-draid wara, 
 un der Capitol in Washington ware far rent. Of course, es 
 hut dale arlicha menner on denna bktz, a'wver hardly ga- 
 nunk far ains fum Tom Reed sina "quorums" maucha. 
 
 Well, de orders sin "git" un ich muss mich uff der 
 wake shoffa. 
 
 ******** 
 
 "Hello !" 
 "Hello !" 
 "Woonows?" 
 "Der deifel wase." 
 "Woo coomsht hare?"
 
 132 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 "Ous der jail." 
 
 "Woo is di haemet?" 
 
 "Om Hawsa Barrick." 
 
 "So; Om Hawsa Barrick. Kensht du der Gottlieb 
 Boonastiel ?" 
 
 "Ich set ene kenna. Ich bin wos nuch doh is fun 
 erne?" 
 
 "Geb mere di bond, Gottlieb ; coom rei un sitz dich. 
 Ich sse du bisht hoongerich, un du setsht ebbes tsu essa 
 hovva." 
 
 "Ich bin shunt finf wucha fun hame un hob sidder 
 ken goot wardt greeked fun nemond, un ich con shier net 
 glawva os du en noddeerlicher mensch bisht? Ware bisht 
 du un wos waisht fun mere." 
 
 "Ich wase olles fun dere. Ich lase di breef un ken 
 mensch os sell doot kent dere en eems refusa. Wile du 
 shunt en tramp bisht, du husht duch en goot hartz unich 
 dime oldta farrissna ruck, un ich geb nix droom we nidder 
 drunna os en mon is es is olsfart nuch ebbes gootes in 
 erne. Yader mensch hut si blotz in dara weldt. Du bisht 
 en tramp. Di droovel is en example far yunga boova woo 
 era yoochend tsu bringa mit fowlensera, un era goota 
 yohra mit sow fa. Des is oil letz, awver es muss duch eb- 
 ber's do far onner leit dei ob-shy gevva." 
 
 "Ich farshtae dich net." 
 
 "Well, wos ich mane is des. De weldt is en grosse 
 mower. Yader mensch is en shtae in selera mower, un 
 derno mauchts nix ous we groom un shep os der shtae is, 
 are filled si blotz." 
 
 "Un doh denksht du es is nuch en chance far mich?" 
 
 "Certainly. Bleib aweck fum Hullerheck un sinera 
 schwartza buddle, bleib aweck fun da karls woo es end- 
 gate fun era hussa olsfart ous-g'wora hen fun uff da wartz- 
 house shteel room rutcha, un ich guarantee os du nuch en 
 mon ous dere mauchst. My haemet is uff tsu dere so long 
 os du sober bleibsht. Du broucht net hardt shoffa un 
 greeksht blendy tsu essa, un aw tsu drinka won ich denk 
 os du ebbes broucht. Now sitz uff un ess."
 
 FUM BOONASTI^. 133 
 
 Ich hob mich ga-petzed far ssena eb ich net om draw- 
 ma bin un we ich ous g'funna hob os ich wocker bin hov 
 ich g'sawd, "Well, by 
 
 Awver ich hob shtuppa floocha. 
 
 HAME-W.E. 
 
 HUSHT do in dime laeva en howns ga-kawfed fun ma 
 mon os im barrick wooned, woo harly ebbes tsu essa hut 
 far sich selver un nuch feel wennicher far si hoond? Won 
 du husht don sawg mere, wors net di experience os seller 
 hownse dere olla mohl hame g'luffa is os du ene recht roond 
 un fet g'feedered husht g'hot? Un are ware aw nimmy 
 tzurick cooma tsu dere won are uff em barrick-mon sinera 
 deera schwell farhoongered ware. Is sell net de case? 
 Won du ols der hownse hame hulsht un sheldst ene far dere 
 fart lawfa don henked are der schwontz un gooked dich so 
 da-meedich aw un sawgt so noddeerlich os en hownse 
 schwetza con, "There is no place like home." 
 
 Sell is now grawd wee's is mit mere. Ich hob doh on 
 minera nia haemet olles os ich will. Blendy tsu essa, en 
 goot waurem bet far drin shlofa, un duch bin ich net g'sat- 
 isfied. We ich my essa soocha hob missa fun house tsu 
 house hov ich blendy awaret g'hot far my gadonka. Sid- 
 der os ich seller droovel nimmy hob don denk ich sheer de 
 gons tzeit on hame un de Polly. Ich wase net eb's hame- 
 wae is, awver ich will dere sawga mer wase net os mer garn 
 hame gaid bis mer amohl nimmy hame dariff un derno 
 will mer es oiler shlimsht hame fun ebbes. Sidder os ich 
 doh bin un de leit finna ous os ich der genuine Boonastiel 
 bin gooka se mich aw os we en grosser mon, un ich ware 
 feel consult wsega politics. Won ich oils nix wase wsega 
 politics (un sell is sheer olsfart) don holdt ich my hoot uff 
 un my mowl tsu un derno maina se ich ware en grosser 
 polititioner un wet mich net committa. Ae ding wase ich 
 un sell is os der Moses in der Shrift en Demagrawd wore 
 soonsht het are net si pardy fartzich yohr im doonkla room
 
 134 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 g'feered un derno net g'funna wos are g'soocht hut. Yo, 
 are hut duch endlich ins lond saena kenna awver are is net 
 ni cooma. 
 
 Der graesht druvvel os ich hob is mich sober holda. 
 Ich hob farsprucha net tsu drinka so long os ich doh bleib 
 un ich con denna kondadawda by ginerosity sheer net re- 
 fusa. Es wore en tzeit os ich "nse" sawga hob kenna oony 
 druvvel, awer ich con dere sawga es gaid mere hardt now. 
 De leit schwetza olsfart waega dem sowfa awver se sawga 
 nee nix waega dem grossa dorsht. En yunger mon nembt 
 en drink un mained es daid gross gooka won are shtag- 
 gered oonich sinera load. Are nembt ae drink noach em 
 onera un locht ivver der yung mon woo refused. Are 
 holdt aw bis are en obbadit hut far licker un won are 
 amohl si schnopps recht goot gleiched don hut are shunt 
 der lengsht wake noach ma siffer si grawb g'mauched. 
 Are mawg derno shtuppa drinka un sober bleiva bis are in 
 druvvel coomed un derno gaid are far de buddle far si 
 druvvel drin farsowfa. Ae drink licker g'mawned mich os 
 won mer en mon on en bawn binna will mit ma naitz- 
 fawda. De arshta pawr fawda con der mon good farrisa 
 un sich lose shoffa, awver won are amohl pawr dowsend 
 fawda um sich room hut don findt are sich fesht. Der 
 divel is en grosse shpinn, un are shpinned en fawda oom 
 der mon room olla mohl os are en drink nembt. 
 
 Ich bin shunt ordlich farshpoona un won ich amohl 
 widder ae dawg tsu feel "keffer-bree" greek don consht du 
 di mind uff maucha os der divel widder en niar glingle 
 naits greeked hut. 
 
 WIDDER IN DRUVVEL. 
 
 ICH hob mich shunt widder in en shaener mish-mosh 
 g'shoft. Se hen en grosse bolidix convention doh g'hot 
 der onner dawg, un noach der convention hen se en ban- 
 quet g'hot. Ich wore invite, un so en brogram we se g'hot 
 hen far sell essa husht du in dime dawg'n-des-laeves net 
 g'saena. Der nawma fun dale fun da socha os se g'hot hen
 
 FUM BOONASTIEIv. 135 
 
 far essa hov ich gor net Isesa kenna, awver se hen amohl 
 dri sarta soop g'hot: noodle, boodle un poodle. Derno 
 hen se dri sorta boy g'hot: ramberry, cranberry un jam- 
 berry. Awver sell wore net oil. Se hen olla sarta wei 
 g'hot. Ae sart hut grawd g'schmocked we em Mike Blot- 
 ner si sider. Se hens shampain g'haesa. Ich hob se 
 g'frogt eb s kens fun der raela oldta sart Hawsa Barrick 
 keffer-bree hetta, un se hen en buddle foil grawd fonna on 
 my deller g'shtelt un ich hob amohl ni ga-lashed in gooter 
 ord. Gli sin de g'sichter om dish room mere bakont warra 
 anes noach em onera, un ich hob g'maned ich ware wid- 
 der oonich mina oldta freind om Hawsa Barrick. Ich 
 wore determined far en shpeech maucha un endlich hen se 
 mich don draw galust. Husht du in dime laeva n asel fun 
 dere g'mauched un hushts net g'wist? Well won du net 
 husht don consht du gor net denka we ich now feel. Ich 
 hob en shpeech g'mauched un in mime soof hov ich tsu feel 
 wore-heit g'sawt wsega bolidix un se hen mich shtuppa 
 wella. De result wore en fecht. Seller detective woo 
 mich in de jail g'shtecked hut is uff cooma far mich dish- 
 tera. Ich hob ene oom der hols greeked un hob erne 
 g'sawt si nawma ware Billy Bixler der-besht freind os ich 
 in der weldt het. We my gooter freind, woo mere essa 
 gevva hut we ich ga-tramped hob, tsu mere cooma is far 
 mich hame nemma hov ich erne anes hinnich's link ore ga- 
 longed os are bartzel-bawn ivver der dish ni g'folla is. 
 Wos es weider gevva hut wase ich net, awver der naixt 
 morga hov ich mich im lock-up g'funna, olles bludich, mit 
 tzwse shsena bloa awga, en naws os we en fousht un es link 
 ore ous-g'shlitzed. Ich bin tzu der conclusion cooma os de 
 kusht tsu shtarrick wore far mich on der convention. 
 
 On nine uhr is der detective cooma un de deer fum 
 minera ben uff g'shlussa, is ni cooma un a pawr hand-cuffs 
 ous sime sock ga-tzooga. 
 
 "Du wid selly net on mich do ?'' hov ich g'sawt. 
 
 "Certainly." 
 
 "Ich hob net g'mardt?"
 
 136 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 "Du finsht ous." 
 
 Now ich hob in mime laeva net feela my hore sich uff 
 shtella bis dessamohl. Ich hob nix onishters gadenked, so 
 we dare detective aw gonga is, os ich het ebber dote 
 g'mauched in mime soof un mist now henka. 
 
 We mere im 'Shquire si office cooma sin hut are 
 g'sawt : 
 
 "Gottlieb Boonastiel, stand up! What is your name?'' 
 
 "Du husht'n yo usht g'sawt." 
 
 "What is your name? Answer my question." 
 
 "Gottlieb Boonastiel." 
 
 "Where do you reside?" 
 
 "Woo ich my hoot ob nem." 
 
 "What have you to say to the charge of drunkenness 
 and disorderly conduct. Guilty or not guilty?" 
 
 "Guilty !" hut ebber g'sawt hinnich mere. Ich hob 
 room ga-gooked un doh shtaid my friend hinnich mere woo 
 ich de nocht derfore ivver der dish ni g'shloga hob. We ich 
 g'sana hob ware es wore bin ich in my sitz g' folia os we en 
 doter mensch. 
 
 "Let the prisoner before the bar answer for himself." 
 
 "Sawg guilty, JGottlieb, ich shtae by dere." 
 
 Ich bin uff g'shtonna un tzurick ga-gooked, un dart 
 shtaed my freind mitera roll bills in der hond. Ich hob 
 mere sheer net selver glawva kenna, awver are wore far- 
 hoftich nuch my freind. 
 
 "Guilty!" hov ich g'sawt. 
 
 "Ten dollars fine, costs of prosecution and a bond to 
 keep the peace," hut der 'Shquire g'sawt. 
 
 My freind is uff g'shtepped, my bond g'signed un de 
 tzaea dawler nunner batzawled. In tzwae minutta wora mere 
 uff em hamewake. We mere ous em shtettle wora hut my 
 freind sich room gadraid un hut g'sawt: 
 
 "Well, Gottlieb, we feelsht?" 
 
 "Schlecht ga-nunk. Schwetz net tsu mere. Farhon- 
 del mich uff en hoond un derno shees der hoond."
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 137 
 
 OM BOWERA. 
 
 ICH bin now en bower un hob der bower bisniss feel 
 shtudy gevva de pawr wucha os ich doh by meim freind 
 bin. Mere shtaena morgets free tiff un wons net tsu wind- 
 ich is don saea mere glse-sooma. Dorrich der dawg saea 
 mer hovver, maucha fensa un greega reddy far welshkarn 
 blonsa. Bisht du in dime laeva free uff g'shtonna un nows 
 ins feldt ons glae-sooma sae un um about sivva uhr rei 
 cooma far di breckfesht essa fun goot shoonka-flash un 
 ga-bockna oyer, gooter booder un weis brote? Won du 
 net husht don husht ains fun da beshta socha in dime laeva 
 farfailed. Der bower hut feel goote socha in sime laeva. Si 
 hondwarrick is about es ainsicht os ken humbug drin is. 
 Are is de "first cause," un oil de onera hondwarricksleit 
 laeva fun erne. Shtup der blook un mer daida oil farhung- 
 era. De rigel-waega hetta ken koonsht, de shtore-keeper 
 hetta ken customers far era goods kawfa, de drooker mista 
 shtae glubba far en laeva, un de duckter, de porra un de law- 
 yer mista oil ons reesla far sich selver odder farhungera. 
 De fact is, der bower is es grose rawd woo de ingine im 
 gong holdt. De onera professions sin de glaena messna 
 ornaments os so uff der ingine room g'setzed sin far es shae 
 gooka maucha. Du finsht olsfart os es grose rawd. on der 
 ingine net feel polish hut. So is es mit em bower. Are 
 muss gruvve glaeder wara, un hut rowe hend, un de result 
 is are maned are ware unnerdanich tsu denna onera pro- 
 fessions woo uff erne hucka un maucha de weldt usht hardt 
 gae. Won en bower ins shtettle gaed don coomed are im 
 lawyer, em duckter odder em drooker si office os we en 
 shool-boo won are der arsht dawg in de fry-shool gaed. 
 Are doot sich shier faricha far loud schwetza, un won der 
 professional mon ene tzaea dawler charged far tzaea min- 
 nutta arawet don batzawled der bower's bill un is froh os 
 are nows con mit sime laeva. Won ich en bower ware un 
 daid en boweri agena don ware ich der graesht hoond uff 
 der garaveri un daid olles shiddla os mere in der wake 
 cooma daid. 'Sis wore, are is independent, awver are muss
 
 138 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 shoffa we der dihenker far independent si, un won are in- 
 dependent is don wase are es de helft tzeit net. 
 
 We ich g'sawt hob, ich gleich's bowera un tzale doh 
 bliva un ferleicht my hsemet doh maucha far goot. Won 
 ich amohl tswae yohr doh bin don will ich appplication 
 maucha far en shseda-breef greega fun der Polly. 'Sis en 
 oldt maidel doh hunna os mere aw-shtaid un ich do se olla- 
 ga-but awenich draff he karraseera. Ich hob se der onner 
 owvet g'frogt eb se hira daid won se en goote chance het. 
 Se is bletzlich u-mechtich worra un is in my awrem g'folla. 
 We se tsoo cooma is hut se g'sawt se ware nuch "heart 
 whole un fancy free," os se ware in eram Iseva net g'frogt 
 worra far hira un wist net wees shpeera daid, awver se wet 
 net hoova os en mon se froga daid bis are reddy ware far 
 grawd aweck hira. Eram g'schwetz noach hov ich far- 
 nummma os ich amohl anyhow net uff de knee gse brouch 
 far froga won ich amohl bisniss mane. Se is net wos mer 
 en tzaea dowsend dawler beauty hased, awver se hut dri 
 gruller uff yader side em kup, is so din os en weshp in der 
 mit, un is anyhow shunt fartzich yohr oldt. Ich denk net 
 os ich besser do kent un se kent aw net feel schlechter do. 
 
 Ich will awver duch amohl arsht fun der Polly hara. 
 
 ARE UN DE BETSY WETZEL G^ENA FISHA. 
 
 ICH un de Betsy Wetzel (sell oldt maidel woo ich dere 
 der fun fartzaeled hob de ledsht woch) sin der onner dawg 
 gonga fisha un mere hen en shtarn-hawgelsy tzeit g'hot. 
 Won du in dime Iseva net mit da weipsleit gonga bisht fisha 
 don waisht du evva gor nix derfun, un we wennicher os du 
 derfun waisht we besser os du ob bisht. 
 
 Well, mere sin doh nunner on de Schwoger grick woo 
 se oils g'sawt hen de sucker lia ufF'm rick. Mer hen uns 
 en shaener blocka ous ga-gooked om sucker luch un ich 
 hob der Betsy g'sawt se sull's essa safe aweck shtella ous 
 em wake. Derno hen mer unser lina reddy g'mauched 
 don wore's der Betsy bong g'west far en worrem draw do
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 139 
 
 un ich hob my gardt onna g'laiked un era ainer draw 
 g'henked. Se hut era line nei g'schmissa un ich hob usht 
 my korrick draw binna wella don woo'psh, rised se rous 
 un hocked era line about fooftzae foos miff in en wasser 
 pitch. Wile yaders usht se line un ae ongel hut g'hot hov 
 ich evva nuff uff der bawm groddla missa un era ongel 
 loos mauncha. Uff em runner wake hut en shtartsa my 
 hussa g'fonga un gli hov ich de kold looft uff minera bloosa 
 howd g'shpeered. Runner hov ich net wella de wile os se 
 oona om bawm shtaid un druvva bliva fongt ken suckers. 
 Endlich hov ich ga-broveered der bawm runner kups-fed- 
 dersht so we en squarl un ich wore net weit cooma bis my 
 hinnery glowa holdt farlora hen un ich bin flotch fonna on 
 era uff der budda g'folla. Se hut marderlich ga-grisha 
 un ich hob ga-glawbed se daid widder ans fun era kotza- 
 gichtera greega. Se hut awver net un gli hut se widder era 
 line drin g'hot. Ivver awennich sawgt se : 
 
 "Gottlieb, ich hob en bise." 
 
 "Woo?" 
 
 "On minera ongel. Woo daidsht denka, du ux ?" 
 
 "Now wardt a bissel bis es widder tzupped un derno 
 schnarr." 
 
 Woopsh, rised se un rous coomed en ole shier wedder 
 era fees. 
 
 "Haryesses! En shlong!" sawgt se. "Shpring, Gott- 
 lieb!" 
 
 Se hut net g'wardt far mich un is g'schloga far de 
 naixt fense. Es luch woo se dorrich hut wella wore eider 
 tsu glae odder se tsu grose un se is shtecka blivva der kup 
 nunner un de fees so gsega da tzaea uhr nei. Ich hob ousa 
 um en sex-ocker feldt room shpringa missa bis ich uff der 
 rechta side by hob kenna far era loos helfa. We ich se 
 tsurick g'holdt hob g'hot don hut de ole sich loos ga-draid 
 g'hot un wore widder ins wasser g'schlipt. De Betsy hut 
 g'sawt se wut se hets fisha net g'larnt un hut era gardt uff 
 de bank g'schmissa. Se hut g'sawt se wet mere now helfa 
 my tackling reddy greega. Es wore now shunt naixt mid-
 
 I4O CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 dawg un ich hob ga-tzaeled de lina nei do un derno reddy 
 maucha far essa, don uff as mohl hut ebbes awfonga gleb- 
 bera hinnich uns un we ich room ga-gooked hob don 
 coomed ma nuchber si oldte lose hinnich em bawm rous 
 mit unseram ess-karab ivver der hols henka. Ich hob se 
 fonga wella usht far der karab wile ich g'wist hob os es 
 essa anyhow fardt is, awver won du in dime laeva ga-bro- 
 veered husht en oldte lose fonga don waisht os der oldt 
 shinner inera is. Ich hob se endlich in en wauga shup ga- 
 drivva. Se is ins hinner eck nei ga-backed unich en tswae- 
 giles wauga un we ich tsu era groddla hob wella hut se 
 "Hu-hu" g'mauched un is rous g'shtart. Ich hob se ob 
 heada wella un bin mit em kup wedder de longwid 
 g'shprunga os my sidener hoot tzomma ga-dubbled is we 
 en 'cordeon. Ich hob se net greeked bis noach da tswse 
 uhr un derno hov ich se tzomma g'schloga mit ma shil- 
 shite. We ich tsurick cooma bin wore ich base, farshunna, 
 farrissa un hoongerich, un mere hen ous-g'mauched hame 
 gae un es ivver maucha uff en onerer dawg. 
 
 Awver dere will ich now usht amohl grawd aweck eb- 
 bes nunner fartzaela, un des is dos won ich nuch amohl 
 g'fonga waer mit da weipsleit gae fisha don mawksht du 
 mich nunner do os en farflompts oldts kolb os net wase 
 wos are will un is net tsu-fridda bis es ebber findt far ene. 
 
 IN FILDELFY. 
 
 ICH wore aw mohl de ledsht wuch in Fildelfy. Ich 
 bin mit em shtore-keeper nunner far si goods kawfa un mer 
 hen en woonerbawre tzeit g'hot. Ich wore in mime laeva 
 derfore net ous em lond un es is mere ordlich fore cooma. 
 Mer sin doh fart im formiddawg un sin dorrich Harrisbar- 
 rick, Lenghester un oil de onera shtettle om wake noach. 
 De car wore foil leit un we ich ni cooma bin huts grawd 
 gagooked os we en shtoop os foil leit hucked un ich hob 
 grawd-awek my hoot ob-g'numma. We ich g'ssena hob 
 os de onera oil de heet nuch aw hen don hov ich miner aw
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 14! 
 
 widder uff der kup. Endlich is der conductor room cooma 
 un hut g'sawt, "All tickets, pleas." Ich hob in my sock 
 g'longed un erne my ticket he galonged. Ich hob ene der- 
 no g'frogt we si familia ware un eb are selver recht g'soond 
 ware un we der waetza gooka daid oona nows. Are hut mere 
 ken ondwardt gevva un hut mich aw-gagooked os won are 
 mich net kenna daid. 
 
 We mere naixt on Fildelfy cooma sin hut der conduc- 
 tor ous ga-roofa: 
 
 "Fildelfy, Fildelfy ! All change, Fildelfy !" 
 
 We are es drit mohl "Fildelfy" g'sawt hut bin ich uff 
 ga-joomped un hob g'sawt : "Yaw, yaw, ich bin reddy." 
 
 Es hen a pawr karls hinnich mere awfonga locha, awver 
 we ich room ga-draid bin un se aw ga-gooked un se hen 
 g'saena os ich de tzae blick, hen se awver era gakidder 
 g'shtupped. We mere ous da kars wora un sin uff de 
 shtrose cooma don bin ich in en eck ni g'shteppped un hob 
 em shtore-keeper g'sawt are set aw ni cooma bis de leicht 
 farby ware. 
 
 "Leicht?" hut are g'sawt. "Woo saesht du en leicht?" 
 
 "Ei, wos is des don won's net en leicht is? Ssesht du 
 net de feela leit doh hinnich annonner noach lawfa?" 
 
 Are is en shtiller mon un duch huts ene galechert. 
 Are hut mich derno on's wartz-house un hut g'sawt ich set 
 dart bliva bis are cooma daid. We's supper tztit wore hut 
 der wsert g'sawt ich set usht dart in de shtoop ni shteppa. 
 Es wore en grosse longe shtoop un we ich about in der mit 
 wore hov ich nuch en shtoop g'saena feel we de arsht un 
 bin g'shtart far ni. Es naixt os ich g'wist hob bin ich 
 blump wedder en shpiggel g'luffa os es mere de naws sheer 
 in der kup ni ga-drivva hut. De leit hen oil awfonga locha 
 un ich hob ga-broveered mit maucha, awver my naws hut 
 mere tsu wae gadoo far locha un ich hob g'shpeered os ich 
 tsu dihenkers grose bin far hila. Endlich bin ich on der dish. 
 Der nseger is derno cooma un sich hinnich mich g'shtelt 
 un hut awfonga tsu sich selver schwetza, ebbes we: 
 
 "Ham-beef-mutton-surloin-mutton chops-spring chick- 
 
 10
 
 142 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 en-lobster-devikd crab-pork-and-beans-de-la-supersquirtical 
 cembulianaexetra." 
 
 "Wos is letz?" hov ich g'sawt. 
 
 "Want supper, sah?" 
 
 "Certainly, sah," hov ich g'sawt, un mich tzurick ga- 
 lawned in my shtool, don gaid der schwartz ketzer weis der 
 himmel grawd widder ivver de same shtory. Des hut mich 
 fartzarndt un ich bin uff ga-joomped un g'sawt os wile der 
 shpiggel net farbrucha ware het are nix tsu shelda, un won 
 are net in druvvel cooma wet don set are sinera bisniss 
 noach gae. 
 
 Are is derno nows un gli is are cooma mit ganunk essa 
 far dri menscha. Ich hob olles farsoocht un nix hut mere 
 recht g'schmocked. Ich hob net olles gakent. Ich hob en 
 leffel foil fun ame deller g'numma, don fin ich ebbes hardes 
 drin, un we ich's ous em mohl hob far examina don wor's 
 so farhoftich en gloa fun ma grebs ! We ich sell g'ssena 
 hob is es mer ivvel warra un ich hob usht nuch de deer 
 g'mauched bis olles roof cooma is. Es hut my mawga gor 
 woonerbawr ous tune g'schloga un ich hob em waert g'sawt 
 ich wet ins bed. Ich bin g'shtart far de shtaik nuff don hut 
 are g'sawt ich set worda un ich kent nuff rida uff'm alli- 
 gator !" 
 
 "Nosser," hov ich g'sawt. "Ich con do oony eir grebsa 
 fressa, awver der divel sull mich hulla won ich nuch en alli- 
 gator ride !" 
 
 Ich wore net holver de shtaik druvva g'west bis en boo 
 noach tsu shpringa is cooma far mere my bed wisa. Ich hob 
 mich ous ga-doo, un we ich's licht ous maucha hob wella 
 hov ich en cord g'ssena uff ga-noggled : 
 
 "DON'T BLOW OUT THE GAS." 
 
 We hov ich's don ous maucha sulla. Ich hob amohl 
 awile ga-roofa un es is nemond cooma. Nunner gae hov ich 
 nimmy wella, wile ich ous ga-doo wore, don bin ich draw un 
 hob en shtool wedder de wondt naiva ons licht g'shetlt, 
 derno hov ich de "nocht ile" greeked un wasser uff's licht
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 143 
 
 g'shit. Sell hut's ous g'mauched oona ga-blosa, awver 
 won's net far der shtore-keeper g'west ware, woo gli hame 
 cooma is, don ware ich im gas farshticked. 
 
 Der naixt morga hov ich mine friend g'sawt dos wons 
 eme nix ous maucha daid don daid ich widder hame gse. 
 Are huts farwillicht. Es essa hut mere gor net aw 
 g'shtonna. Se essa breakfast om elf uhr, dinner on sexa 
 owets, un supper der naixt dawg. Won der good mon mere 
 my farshtond lust don maega de Fildelfy karls era grebsa 
 fressa un alligators rida tsu eram gootes moodes un so long 
 os ee wella. Ich will kens mae derfun. 
 
 WIDDER DAHAME. 
 
 Es MAWK dich surprisa won ich dere sawg os ich wid- 
 der dahame bin. Ich hob en raise fun tzaee dawler ga- 
 mauched der onner dawg. Der Bill Sollakupper woo dart 
 druvva wooned hut di tzeidung sivva yohr g'numma un 
 hut se net batzawled g'hot we due ene ob g'schloga husht, 
 un dare hut mere sawgt are kent net salich shtarva won 
 are sell net batzawla daid. Ich hobs farwilliched dere's 
 tsu bringa un are hut mere de amount ivver batzawled. 
 Ich hob net g'wist wos do wit mit so feel geld un es is 
 mere eicooma ich set amohl widder hame gae un de Polly 
 p'soocha. Ich hob era en foongle neie dress ga-kawfed 
 mit grosse rhode blooma drin un nuch en lot so onner ga- 
 tziffer far weipsleit. Derno bin ich draw un hob mere en 
 foongle neier bobbeerner collar un en rhoad neck-tie 
 greeked un im nummydawg bin ich uff de Hawsa Barrick 
 train ga-joomped un g'shtart far hame. We ich ons Hul- 
 lerhecka cooma bin wora en lot leit om wartz-house un se 
 wora oil froh mich tsu saena. Even em Hullerheck si 
 oldter fetter hoond is hinnich em uffa rous cooma un on 
 mere ga-rucha un hut g'schwentzeled. Ich con dere 
 sawga, es doot em oils ebmohls goot far fardt gae usht far 
 saena we froh os de leit sin won mer hame coomed. Dale 
 leit gaena nee net fardt, arbordich doh om Barrick sin feel
 
 144 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 karls os maena de soon daid olla morga dart drunna hin- 
 nich em oldta Sammy Sendapetser sinera shire ous em 
 budda schluppa un ovets widder unner gse im Mike Blot- 
 ner sime hivvel feld. Well, we ich evva oil "how-de-do" 
 gevva hob g'hot bin ich der barrick nuff g'shtart. Ich hob 
 awver arsht der Hullerheck g'frogt eb de Polly shunt de 
 house-butz gichtera g'hot het des free-yohr, un are hut 
 g'sawt are denked se het wile are ga-noticed het em Soon- 
 dawg os se de fensa shunt ga-weiseled het. Sell hut mere 
 en grosser losht fum hols un ich hob mich ga-doomeled 
 far der barrick nuff eb doonkel. We ich ons house cooma 
 bin wore de Polly on a pawr fun mina oldta hussa flicka 
 os shunt sivva mohl ous g'wora wora un widder uff- 
 g'flicked. Ich hob era de hond gevva un se hut aw-ga- 
 lust os won's era net feel ous-g'mauched het won ich fardt 
 ga-blivva ware. Ich hob g'ssena os ebbes ga-doo si muss 
 un des g'schwint. Ich hob g'sawt ich ware usht cooma far 
 en pawr minnutta call maucha (we de weipsleit oils sawga 
 won se en dawg bliva), un ich ware doh far era good-bye 
 gevva. 
 
 "Woo wid nows?" hut se g'frogt. 
 
 "Noach der West far uff-woxa mit em lond." 
 
 Se is uff g'shtonna un sich hinnich der dish g'hucked. 
 Ich hob g'saena os my shtory se u-rooich g'mauched hut. 
 
 "Doh is en dress far dich. Es wart woll de ledsht si 
 os ich dere in meim laeva kawfa do, un ich sawg good-bye 
 wile ich nuch awennich bisniss hob es shtettle drunna." 
 
 Ich hob era de hond onna ga-longed, awver se hut net 
 uff ga-gooked awver hut ga-picked on da glasna rhoda 
 blimlin uff em ale-duch uff em dish. Gli hov ich en drub- 
 ba wasser saena uff der dish folia. Se wore waricklich om 
 heila ! Sell wore tsu feel far mich. Ich hob mich navich 
 se g'hucked un gli sin mere de drsena ivver de bocka nun- 
 ner ga-rulled we hosselniss. Es hut kens nix g'schwetzed 
 far finf minnutta. Ich hob shpeera my oldte leeb widder 
 oil tsurick coma un endlich draid se room un gebt mere 
 en buss !
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 145 
 
 Jimmany crickets ! Seller buss wore we wei we. el- 
 der we besser, un ich sawg dere os ken kolb se en grose 
 kolb is os en oldt kolb. Ich ware amohl anyhow net ous 
 sellem house selly nocht wons so full divel g'west ware os 
 shindla uff em doch. Unser meeting is uff ga-brucha so 
 shtill os en baid-shtoond un kens hut en wardt mae g'sawt 
 der waega. Unser actions hen uns olla tzwae aweck gevva 
 un mere hen uns olla tzwae g'shemmed os mere so oldte 
 kelver fun uns g'mauched hen. 
 
 Ich will dere sawga sell is uft de shuld fun feel druv- 
 vel in house-holdinga. Tzwae so oldta wissa net os se an- 
 nonner leeva bis anes odder es onner shtarbed, un derno 
 finna se ous os nix so grosse schmartza mauched os de ga- 
 donka fun da dawga woo se u-anich mita-nonner tsu ga- 
 brucht hen. Es is ken mensch so u-obbaditlich os are net 
 ebbes on sich hut os mer leeva muss, un uft findt mer si 
 goote qualities net ous bis are fardt is. 
 
 DE MENSCHA UN DE MONKEYS. 
 
 DER onner dawg wore en mon om Barrick mitera 
 dray-arrigle un ma monkey. Der Henner Shenkelmoyer 
 hut derno g'sawt es ware amohl en mon g'west by em 
 nawma Darwin woo bahawbt hut os mere daida fun da 
 monkeys hare shtomma. Dare monkey wore so shmardt 
 un ga-wixed os mer es shier glawva hut missa os se amohl 
 menscha wora, odder mere amohl monkeys. Es wore ken 
 ivver-ouser weeshter monkey, un si g'sicht wore mere ba- 
 kont un ich hob long shtuddied we are gooked bis der 
 Billy Bixler mere tsu hilf cooma is un hut g'sawt are daid 
 gooka we em oldta Yuckel Hannabarger si boo uff der onera 
 side em Barrick. 
 
 My dawdy hut ols g'sawt "Da haecher os en monkey 
 groddled da besser con mer si schwontz saena." Sellem 
 noach missa unser eldra goot bakont g'west si mit era 
 fore-eldra. Es hut feel monkeys os olla wile in de hae 
 grodla far era schwentz wisa.
 
 146 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Der mon woo olla political pardy fardompt os we si 
 ageny un maned are ware arise recht, groddled in de hae si 
 schwontz tsu weisa. Der shae monkey woo maned yader 
 weipsmensch daid in leeb folia mit erne so g'shwint os se 
 ene saed, groddled in de has far si schwontz tsu weisa. 
 Der mon woo neemond drowed, woo maned are ware arlae 
 arlich, is shunt long in der hae on sime schwontz weisa. 
 Der mon woo maned s ware en grosse aer won are so feel 
 drom drinka con os en sow oona g'suffa wara groddled 
 olla dawg in de hae far si schwontz weisa. Der mon woo 
 maned are daid de gons weldt agena un het en mortgage uff 
 Konadaw hut en schwontz un yader ebber hut ene shunt 
 g'sana. Der mon woo en double laeva labed, is ousa weis 
 un inwennich schwartz, un denked de weldt findt ene net 
 ous, groddled amohl ae dawg nuff si schwontz tsu weisa. 
 Der mon woo maned are het gons Hullerbeera township 
 im jacket-sock un kent olla fier-un-tzwonsich shtoond tsu 
 office elect wara, groddled amohl ae dawg wide nuff un 
 weised en longer schwontz. Der boo mit reicha eldra, 
 woo awfongt woo si dawdy uff gevva hut, groddled nuff, 
 weised si schwontz, coomed runner un gebt uff woo si dawdy 
 awg'fonga hut. Der orem mon woo si geld om dawg- 
 lenera fardeened un lust si fraw's oil shpenda far dress hut 
 net ga-nunk rick-sthrong far weit nuff groodla far si 
 schwontz tsu weisa. Der mon woo glawbt are con drom 
 drinka so long un so feel os are will un shtuppa won are 
 reddy is, groddled amohl ae dawg nuff, folt runner un far- 
 brecht si schwontz. Der mon woo maned os oony si hilf 
 daid de karrich tsu em deifel gae, findt sich amohl ae dawg 
 om pole druvva un si schwontz by sich ; un der mon woo 
 maned are kent hoora, shtaela, corda shpeela, leega, b'shisa 
 un de orema rawva in dara weldt, un by grose geld tsu da 
 hida shicka si wake in der Himmel kawfa, findt sich 
 amohl ae dawg on ma blotz woo's ma monkey de hore fum 
 schwontz sengt. 
 
 Anyhow, en monkey is en g'shpossich ga-deer. En 
 goot-gookicher monkey is shenner os we en weeshter
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 147 
 
 naeger un se reacha besser. Ich mane se setta en vote 
 hovva so os se aw ebbes fardeena kenta on der 'leckshon. 
 Sell ware es Sechtzsed Amendment tsu der Constitution, 
 un won de Brohibitionists glawva daida os se era konda- 
 dawt electa kenta mit selera blonk in eram plat-form don 
 glawb ich ferhoftich os se em monkey en shtim gevva 
 daida. Ich glawb os es net so en shlecht ding ware. En 
 monkey daid duch ga-nunk wissa far si mowl tsoo holdta 
 un onner leit vota lussa we se wella un feel fun da onera 
 sart menscha doona net. 
 
 DER SOLS REVER DRUVVA. 
 
 "MOMMY mauch de deer tzoo. De Demagrawda 
 cooma." De 'leckshon is farby, der oldt Grover is widder 
 uff em neslit un mere orma 'Publicans sin der Sols Rever 
 druvva. 
 
 Mer sin oil doh un sin so tzimlich goot g'fixed, awver 
 won de tzeita so goot wara der rever drunna we de Dema- 
 grawda uns farshprencha don gebts lots fun deserters. 
 
 Se sawga in finf yohr ware en dawler feel mae wardt 
 os are now is. Es mawk woll so si. Es husseled en karl 
 now fardihenkert for en dawler fardeena, un won are nuch 
 feel mae wserdt wart don wase der leeb Gud ware se far- 
 deena con. 
 
 Luss mich saena. In 1860 we de 'Publicans in power 
 cooma sin hov ich ols hame-gamauchte floxna hussa ga- 
 wora. Sella mohls hut mer en hover dawler greeked far 
 im arnfeldt shoffa, un en dawler wore feel wardt. Tzooker 
 wore tzwelf cent es poond un kardoo tzwelf cent de yord. 
 En dawg : loo hut fier poond tzooker odder fier yord kardoo 
 ga-kawfed. Now greeked en mon en dawler der dawg. 
 Tzooker is finf cent es poond un kardoo finf cent de yord. 
 We der dawler so feel wardt wore unich Demagrawdishe 
 brinciples hut mer tzwae dawg un-a-holva shoffa missa far 
 der fraw en dress kawfa, un now con en mon tzwae dresses 
 kawra mit em loo fun ame dawsr's arawet.
 
 148 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Der Billy Bixler sawgt sidder os are doh huvva is hut 
 are mx fun bolidix ga-larndt os are si Iseva derfore g'wist 
 hut. Oil de grosse karls sin doh un bolidix is der topic fun 
 dawg tsu dawg, un yader ebber shpeculate uff de brinci- 
 bles fun da Demagrawda woo unser revenue ob scheita 
 wella far unser income increasa. 
 
 Der onner dawg hut der Bench Harrison en goob- 
 hock un shofel g'numma un is hinnich em Bill McKinley si 
 stoll gonga un hut awfonga grawva. 
 
 "Wos shofsht, Bench?" hut der Bill ga-grisha. 
 
 "Well," sawgt der Bench, "Ich hob shunt uft g'hsert 
 os es ware usht ae ding in der weldt os mer lenger maucha 
 kent by on da tzwse enner derfun ob-hocka, un des ware en 
 grawb, un ich con mer's selver sheer net glawva bis ich's 
 broveer, un won's so is don is se question g'settled in mi- 
 nera mind os mich shunt long ga-boddered hut." 
 
 "Un wos is sell?" hut der Bill g'frogt. 
 
 "Well," sawgt der Bench, "won's lenger wardt by fun 
 da tzwse enner ob-hocka bin ich g'satisfied os de Dem- 
 agrawda hame gonga sin far era sega grawb grawva. Se 
 wella es tariff end fun unseram income ob-hocka un sella 
 wake expecta se unser surpluss increasea, un wile mere en 
 grawb graeser mauched by fum end ob-hocka muss der 
 Demagrawdish tariff doctrine un en grawb anes un es 
 same ding si." 
 
 "By gosh," sawgt der Bill, "du bisht en schlitz-oricher 
 oldter keyone. Coom ri un geb mere en pull ous sellem 
 Carnegie fessly un derno helf ich dere grawva." 
 
 Der Bench hut si showfel un groob-hock wedder de 
 shtolla deer g'shtelt un se sin mitannonner ins house woo 
 se de boliticians in pickel holda. Gli sin se rous cooma. 
 Der Bench hut si mowl ob ga-butzed mit sime ruck-armel 
 un derno hut are si lederny henching aw, in de hend 
 g'schpoutzed un ons growva we en oldte groond-sow. 
 
 Der McKinley un si Bill hen sich navich ene g'shtelt 
 un eme tsu g'schprucha. Gli hut der Bench en luch g'hot 
 os mer der Tom Reed drin fargrawva het kenna. Derno
 
 FUM BOONASTlElv. 149 
 
 hut are awfonga on ame end ob-hocka un es is, by gosh, 
 ols lenger un lenger warra un bis owvet hut are en grawva 
 dri foos deef un de gons leng fum McKinley sinera gorda- 
 fense nunner ga-grawva g'hot. Es is eena derno ei-cooma 
 os der grawva ga-used kent wara far en kanawl, un se sin 
 now heftich om shoffa far der kanawl der gonsa wake naiva 
 om Sols Rever nunner grawva so won de flood coomed in 
 fier yohr os se der kanawl usa kenna far hame gae, onshtots 
 der rever. 
 
 WOS HUT'S GA-DOO? 
 
 ICH hob nuch ken furlough greeked far hame gae un 
 mer sin nuch oil der rever druvva. Mer hen shier olla 
 dawg bakentniss-shtoond, un yader ebber is derno arlawbt 
 si opinion gevvva wsega wos uns ga-leddered nut on der 
 'leckshon. 
 
 Der Sam Kissinger bahawbt de Demagrawda hetta uns 
 b'shissa mit era grossa tickets. 
 
 Der oldt Petzmiller blamed unser defeat uff's welsh- 
 karn boshta wile de 'Publicans oil on der arawet wora liff 
 der 'leckshon dawg. 
 
 Der 'Squire Lawbuck sushpect os da 'Publicans era 
 campaign schmoltz oil is worra eb der Nint Nofember. 
 
 Der Bench Harrison bahawbt es ware nix g'west os 
 dare farflompt McGinty tariff os uns defeat hut, un der Bill 
 McGinty sheebed de shoold uff seller keryose oldt-fashioned 
 grose-dawdy Soondawg's hoot os der Bench ols drawgt won 
 are in de karrich gsed. 
 
 De Betz Grill bahawbt da 'Publicans era kinner wara 
 oil maid g'west far de ledshta tswonsich yohr, un de Sex- 
 foos Betz sull g'sawt hovva os my narrishe brief feel tsu do 
 hetta g'hot mit unsera shliak. 
 
 Ich, far my pserdt, hob my ageny opinion. Won 
 atnohl de leit en notion nemma don wase mer net woo se 
 shtuppa. Ae shofe joomped ivver de fense un de drofe 
 yawked hinna noach. Es mauch nix ous we goote tzeida
 
 I5O CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 os mer hen, yader ebber maned se kenta nuch besser si, 
 un won en schwarer rsega en grosser grawva dorrich ma 
 mon si welshkarn feldt garissa hut don is de 'Publican 
 pardy ga-blamed worra derfore. In fact, olles os lets 
 gonga is is da 'Publicans in de shoe g'shit worra bis yader 
 ebber boll ga-glawbed hut se wara de shood fun olles 
 schlechtes. Of course, de Demagrawda kenna grosse im- 
 broofments maucha uff dale fun da 'Publicans era socha. 
 Tzu'm by-shpeel, wos is de use en lot loafers un room- 
 laefer feedera fum guverment karls holdta woo ken finf 
 cent waerdt sin in anichera bisniss un greega derno en ap- 
 pointment fum guverment on a pawr dowsend dawler's 
 yohr un fardeena ken rohr, heller cent. De 'Publicans 
 hen usht a pawr tsu feel fun sella karls in schmals g'holta. 
 Won se ols grosse dawta ga-doo hen inera campaign don 
 hen se en appointment greeked in ma department, un won 
 der manager fun sellem department g'sawgt hut are ware 
 foil un het ken blotz far mse hilf don is are instruct worra 
 far blotz maucha, un der sucker hut si loo greeked usht es 
 same os won are olla cent fardeened het. Es is shier der 
 same wake in unesram Harrisbarrick. Es doona olla ses- 
 sion fun em 'Sembly un Senate en lot karls appoint wara 
 tsu offices os far gor ken use sin, un derno kenna se mit 
 anera hond om Harrisbarrick dits henka un mit der onera 
 de boliticians dahame rawva. Sella wake kenna se es 
 double aw-driva awver de tzeit coomed os de leit era 
 mind uff maucha os se net arforda kenna en Congressman 
 odder Senator electa fum county usht far de bloot-sookler 
 se ob hondle we fetty sei far offices in Harrisbarrick. 
 
 Gook amohl a bissel ous de wile os ich net dahame 
 bin un du consht farleicht selver saena wos so bisniss en in- 
 flooence hut uff de voters woo era socha goot msena, un 
 derno consht du di shlate un pencil nemma un selver ous 
 rechla we long os selly socha nuch gsena bis olles tsu'm 
 dihenker gsed. Ich glawb os de bloot-sookler uns mae votes 
 ga-kusht hen os der McGinty t ariff, un won de Dem- 
 agrawda se loos shiddla don doona se grosse dinshta tsu 
 unseram guverment.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 151 
 
 Es is en grosse chance far imbroofment far unser 
 Demagrawdishe freind un ich glawb os se es doona won se 
 net tsu hoongerich wara eb se uff' s nesht gaena far breea. 
 
 IM SOLS REVER SHTORE. 
 
 ICH hob ga-tzaeled da-hame si by dara tzeit, awver my 
 furlough is nunch net cooma. Ich daid sheer anich ebbes 
 gevva far lose cooma wiles mere gor shtarns farlsed is dob. 
 huvva. De coombany os ich holdta muss shtaid mere gor 
 net aw. Der oldt Sammy Sendapetzer camped mit uns, un 
 si gons g'shwetz is waega geld un indressa, un sei un lond. 
 Won mer schwetza waega ma mon os are net kent don ba- 
 kimmert are sich net eb are en gooter karl is, odder en 
 grisht, awver si arshte froge is, "Wos is are wardt un we 
 hut are's g'mauched?" Are frest nix os reeva un grum- 
 beera, un selly greeked are far nix. Du mawkst en mon 
 kenna far tzwonsich yohr un du finsht net so feel ous fun 
 erne in selera gonsa tzeit os du doosht won du as wuch mit 
 erne campa doosht. Sell developed de sow os in erne is. 
 
 Der onner dawg hut der oldt Sammy mich g'frogt far 
 mit eme in der shtore gas. Mer sin ni, don hut are der 
 glarrick g'frogt wos are wet far en yord tape. 
 
 "Well," hut der glarrick g'sawt, "mere farkawfa's on 
 finf cent de rull." 
 
 Ich will evva usht ae yord," sawgt der oldt Sammy. 
 
 "Well, about en cent." 
 
 "En cent de yord ! Sell seemed ordlich hoach. Consht 
 net besser do?" 
 
 "Ich wase net we ich's wennicher maucha kent," sawgt 
 der glarrick. 
 
 "Oh, well, now du consht's gevva far en holver cent 
 de yord. Du maucht nuch ganunk on sellem figger." 
 
 "Well, ich geb dere en yord far en holver cent won du 
 es wexel maucha consht." 
 
 "Ich con sell do. Ich hob a pawr holva cenda os ich 
 mit mer drawg usht far so tzeida, awver ich mane ich kent
 
 152 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 sell tape nuch awenich welfler greega. Is sell es besht os 
 du do consht far en yord tape ?" 
 
 "Oh, well du consht's hovva on dime agena figger. 
 Geb mere en fardle cent," sawgt der glarrick. 
 
 "Gook, sell is der dihenker. Now hov ich nix wen- 
 nicher os en holver cent. Het ich now usht en fardle cent. 
 Es sphite mich. Ich con net saena farwass es guverment 
 net fardle cenda maucha con onshtots dawler, un holva, un 
 so on. Awver ich gae amohl on de onera shtora un won 
 ich net besser do con coom ich widder tzurick. Du 
 seemsht anyhow en first-rater glarrick tsu si un ich gleich 
 dich gawiss. Du solsht oil my hondle hovva won mere tsu 
 terms cooma kenna dessa mohl." 
 
 Der oldt Sammy is derno nows un inera holb shtoond 
 is are tzurick cooma. De schwitz-druppa sin erne ivver de 
 shtarn runner ga-rulled os we hickerniss. 
 
 "Well mishter," sawgt der oldt Sammy, "Ich wore in 
 ollem shtore im shettle un du bisht so wolfel os anicher. 
 Ich nem en yord now far en fardle cent won du mer en tzae 
 cent shtick wexla consht." 
 
 "Ich hob dere sell net farshprucha," sawgt der glar- 
 rick. "Ich hob dere g'sawt du consht es tape hovva on 
 dime agena figger, awver derno misht du selver es wexel 
 maucha." 
 
 "Yaw, awver consider now," sawgt der oldt Sammy, 
 "du greekst en customer won du mich accommodata 
 doosht, un ich sawg mina nuchbera we wolfel os eer sint." 
 
 "Well, ich doos," sawgt der glarrick, un hut awfonga 
 es tape messa." 
 
 "Geb mere's so braid, os dere's het un goot mose. 
 Ich schwetz tsu oil mina nuchbera un bring eich hondle." 
 
 We es tape ob g'schnidda wore un uff gawickled don 
 hut der glarrick galonged far em oldte Sammy si geld. Der 
 oldt Sammy hut en oldte sei-blose rous greeked un amohl 
 awfonga about tzwonsich foos bendle ob-wickla. 
 
 "I swan now," sawgt der oldt Sammy, "ich hoss de 
 tzae cent farrupt hovva. Kensht's mich net hovva lussa far
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 153 
 
 nix? Es is net feel tsu dere, un eer greekt lots fun cus- 
 tom derdorrich." 
 
 "Anicher wake far dich suita." 
 
 "Well, ich badonk mich aw derfore. Es is ken wel- 
 flerer shtore im shtettle os eer, un won ich ols ebbes so will 
 don consht du mich expecta olla mohl." 
 
 Der glarrick hut en longer sifetser g'hult un is umech- 
 tich in en shtool g'folla. 
 
 Der naixt dawg is der oldt Sammy widder in der 
 shtore gonga, un in finf minnuta wora de glarrick oil hin- 
 nich em counter hous un sin de shtrose nunner g'shprunga 
 os era ruck-fliggel grawd hinna nows g'shtonna hen. 
 
 Em Soondawg morga wora mere oil in de karrich 
 gonga. Der porra Mohler hut gabreddiched. Si text 
 wore ebbes waeg'ra noadle un ma reicha mon os in ma 
 commail si awg ga-groddled is. Noach der breddich hut 
 are tiff der oldt Sammy ga-roofa un are hut en ga-bade 
 g'maucht so long os der bendle on sime geld-sock. Derno 
 hut de g'msea g'sunga : 
 
 "Salwasion's free for you and me," 
 
 un der Sammy hut sich uff ga-blossa we en oldte grut in 
 ma gwidder-raega, un hut ni ga-joined: 
 
 "I'm glad salwasion's free !" 
 
 EN BOWER'S BOO. 
 
 ICH hob der onner dawg en shtick ga-laesa fun ma 
 mon os ga-winched hut are were widder en boo un ware 
 dahame uff der boweri. Now ich doubts eb seller mon uff 
 der boweri ga-raised is warra. Won are wore don hut are 
 grosse advantages g'hot ivver de boova wos uff der boweri 
 uff gabrucht sin warra in minera tzeit. Ich winch mich 
 ken boo mse uff der boweri, un ansich ebber os doot dare 
 muss in fardulta schlechta circumstances si now. 
 
 En bowers boo. Wos wore are? Gabora inera hamet 
 woo blendy arawet wore won are sich net dote gabrilled 
 hut bis de mommy era nine kee olla morga un owet ga-
 
 154 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 mulka hut g'hot, don hut are endlich a pawr hussa un a 
 pawr shtiffel mit rhode ledder uvva ga-arebed, un is 
 in de shool g'shicked warra. Are is gonga mit sime kar- 
 rively foil kolde lever-warsht, hardt-gakuchte over un lod- 
 warrick brote far si a b c's larna. Si bae wora tsu kartz 
 far uff der budda longa, un dart hut are g'hucked der leeb 
 long dawg, un si wammis-armel ga-glesseered mit sinera 
 naws. So g'schwint os are grose ga-nunk wore far shoffa 
 don sin si shool-dawga ols kartzer warra. Es arsht wor's 
 summer huls hocka, un generally about "freelings awfong" 
 hut sell ni g'shtart. Derno wor's shtae laesa, fense maucha, 
 welshkarn lond in odder greega, un usht about de tzeit is 
 ols anes fun da grossa dawg uff der boweri aw-cooma. Es 
 wore der shofe-shser dawg. Der g'schposs fum dawg hut 
 ga-consist fun helfa de shofe fonga, un derno uffra huvvel- 
 bonk hucka un da shofe de kep drunna haeva, wile de shofe- 
 lice ame in der hols-ongle room ga-groddled sin. Es naixt 
 wore welshkarn blonsa. Fier karna tzum stuck. "Aney 
 far der fuggel, aney far de warrem, un tzwae far woxa." 
 Der dawdy is hinna noach cooma mit der hock, un won 
 mers net recht g'mauched hut don is are fore cooma mit em 
 shteel. Hust du in dime laeva en gowl garidda far welsh- 
 karn blooga? Waisht nuch we schlaeferich os mer ols 
 warra is un we wocker os mer warra is won en grund-shulla 
 em ins hols-g'nick ga-druffa hut? Gli wore de hoyet doh. 
 Finf, sex mon sin dorrich der dick glae un hen g'mauda uff 
 garulled os we wolla seek, un der bower's boo is en holb 
 feld braiding hinna noach cooma fars graws farshpraya. 
 Wos mer ols g'horriched hut far hara fun wos os de mayer 
 schwetza won se era sensa ga-wetzed hen. Es wore gener- 
 ally waega da maid. D.e arn is doh. En dutzent reffer un 
 binner im feld. Der boo is widder ous-gabissa fum 
 g'shposs. Are is en holf feld braiding hinna draw mit sime 
 tzomma drawga. Es tzae uhr shtick is doh. Der boo 
 greeked es glensht shtick karsha-boy un ken drom. Mid- 
 dawgs lia de mon uff em graws im hofe fer en rook shtoond 
 un der boo muss de gile drenka, der worreff haeva far
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 155 
 
 de Deitsha sensa dengla, odder der shlife-shtae draya far de 
 Reff-sensa shlifa, bis es widder tzeit is far ins feldt. 
 Gli coomed de hovver arn, un en tzae ocker feld is usht shae 
 ga-rsetzed Somshdawg. nummy-dawgs won de Soondawg' 
 shool sallabrasion is, mer gait ins hovver feld base ganunk 
 far fechta aiwer mer gait. Es is aw sella mohls net feel 
 tzurick gamowled warra won ich mich recht arrinera con. 
 Endlich is es shpote-yohr doh. Es welshkarn muss ga- 
 bosht si, un der boo wardt ous sime warma nesht ga-yawked 
 on fier uhr, shtriggled nine gile un hucked on shtoond hinnich 
 em uffa un wardt far de dawg's helling. Won se doh wore 
 don is mer ins feld. Ich het ols usht so leeb mit em divel 
 garasseled os so en rificher welshkarn shock aw-gapocked. 
 Won de dresher tzeit doh wore don hut mer dawgs ga- 
 drusha un nouchts uff-gabutzed. Husht du in dime laeva in 
 ma waetza howfa g'hucked hinna onera oldta rhoda wind- 
 meel tzae uhr in der nocht un der kold waetza in di hussa- 
 lotz ga-kitched ? Ich denk so. So naixt on da fire-dawg is 
 mer ols widder in de shool cooma. Es arsht uff em pro- 
 gram wore en fecht. Won mer net ga-garrebed is warra 
 don hut der teacher ame ga-garrebed, un derno is mer nuch 
 amohl dahame ga-garrebed warra wile mer in der school ga- 
 garrebed is warra. 
 
 Un so is es yohr room gonga uff der boweri. Ich bin 
 shtorrick drivver gonga. Es wore ga-wiss net feel blesser 
 drin, un ich winch mich nimmy tzurick, awver duch bin 
 ich fro os ich amohl en bower's boo wore, far ich hob dart 
 galarnt wos shoffa is, un aw nemond tsu farochta os shoffa 
 doot. 
 
 DE NEIA LAWS OS MER BREICHA. 
 
 SE sawga mere es gebt widder ivverous feel neia laws 
 den winder, un far da 'Semlymenner mit helfa hen mer em 
 Somshdawg owvet en meeting g'holdta ons Hullerhecka far 
 neia laws suggesta.
 
 156 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Der Johnny Lawbuck is bresident fun der meeting 
 elect worra, der Billy Bixler secretary, un der oldt Sammy 
 Sendapetzer dreshrer. 
 
 Ich hob de arsht shpeech g'maucht un hob ena ous- 
 ga-laiked wos de object fun der meeting ware, un derno 
 hov ich en wexel suggest in der Brohibition law, un grawd 
 fore-g'setzed os wile der licker heitzadawgs so farmixed is 
 mit rhoder peffer, raega-wasser un onner gift set en inshpec- 
 ter appoint si on yadem baar far de lickers sampla eb se 
 farkawft wara, un hob derno aw grawd g'shtate os wile ich 
 de law suggest het ware's in odder far de 'sociation my 
 nawma ni shicka far inshpecter appoint wara on dem baar. 
 Se hen's farmoodlich aw grawd oil unner-shtitzed un won's 
 en law gebt don hut der Boonastiel en office os are net far- 
 hondla daid far Bresident fun da United Shtates. 
 
 Der Sam Seeshuls hut derno en wexel suggest in der 
 wake law. Are het garn superintendents appoint os de 
 waiga ivver-saena os we de riggel-wake inshpecter. Are 
 het garn os se ene shtate superintendent appointa daida on 
 about fooftzae dowsend dawler's yohr un erne derno der 
 power gevva far en county superintendent appointa, un 
 derno em county superintendent power gevva for der town- 
 ship superintendent appointa. Derno hut are suggest oil 
 de superintendents uniforma mit shtitsa heet un kit hensch- 
 ing, un en carriage un tswse browna gile kawfa in yadem 
 township un holdta usht far de superintendents room fora 
 won de waiga shae un drooka sin. Der Billy Bixler hut 
 object tsu der law. Are hut bahawbt de bowera kenta era 
 ageny waiga maucha won se es geld hetta, un are ware der- 
 gaega uff general brincibles wile ollawile shunt ga-nunk 
 fowlenser, loafers un bumms uff der office pay-roll sin. 
 Mer hen oil agreed mit em Billy un de motion is unich der 
 dish gonga. 
 
 Der Pit Blotner is derno uff g'shtonna un hut g'sawt 
 are het en law tsu suggesta os uns oil concerna daid. Es 
 ware tsu der effect os ken widfraw mse hira daref inera 
 nuchbershoft woo aniche oldte maid dahame sin. "Doh,"
 
 BOONASTIEX. 157 
 
 hut are g'sawt, "hov ich sivva duchtera os reddy sin far 
 anich ebbes hira os hussa wsered, un ich un de fraw hen 
 ena helfa 'leckshoneera far menner shunt de tswonsich yohr 
 un kens is nuch g'hired." "Un sell is net oil," hut are 
 g'sawt. "de weipsleit os shunt amohl g'hired wora un setta 
 ga-nunk hovva sin de oiler shlimshta far widder menner 
 greega un schnappa de boova aweck os we en oldte shil- 
 grut yunge gens fongt, un de maid woo shunt tswonsich 
 yohr ga-wardt hen hucka uff em bock-uffa un hila ruts un 
 wasser. Ich bin in favor fun home brotection, un so long 
 os mer blendy 'raw material' dahame hen set de importing 
 bisniss g'shtupped si." Mer hen oil ei-g'shtimmed mit em 
 Pit, awver ich glawb net os are om end sale findt far si 
 maid. Se sin gor hesslich weesht un ich daid. be-gosh. heit 
 net my oldter seventy-sixer gevva far de besht fun ena. 
 
 Der Bench Hess hut suggest os ken mon mae os ae 
 hoond holdta daref tsu olla ocker lond os are agend, un 
 der oldt Sammy Sendapetzer hut en law suggest os ken boo 
 unner ane-un-tswonsich yohr tsu da maid gse daref miaous 
 are hut en county license un en shrives fun sinera mommy 
 os se es arlawbed. 
 
 Der Billy Bixler un der Johnny Lawbuck sin anooint 
 worra far de bills uff tzeega un se bresenta tsu'm 'Semlv. 
 un won se passa don wella mere nuch en law uff greega on 
 der naixta meeting far g'hireda menner toll charga won se 
 de allevs dravela noach tswelf uhr in der nocht. 
 
 EM GROVER HELFA TZEEGA. 
 
 EM ledshta Somshdawg is der oldt Grover widder tzu- 
 rick uff em Uncle Sam si boweri ga-tzugga. Ich un de 
 Polly worra on der tzook g'frogt. Ich hob em Billv Bixler 
 helfa de uxa driva, un de Polly is mit em Sam Schnitzler 
 g'fora. Are hut en load oldte eck-shenk, huls-boxa, 
 kuch-effa, sols barl foil uffa-rohr un basom, un en shlife- 
 shtse g'hot. Der shlife-shtae is foongle nie. un der Grover 
 hut en usht ga-kawfed far em General Bissel si ox shlifa 
 
 n
 
 158 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 woo are da hawna era kep mit ob hocka will. In about 
 sex wucha fongt are aw. Are hut en grosser job far 
 sich. Es sin about ochtzich dowsend Republican pusht- 
 office hawna os era kep shunt uff em hock-glutz hen. 
 Der Johnny Wannymaker hut de hawna fardult goot g'fee- 
 dered de ledshta fier yohr un du consht denka os se fet sin. 
 
 Mer sin ons Wise House cooma usht awenich noach 
 middawg, un mere wora fordult hoongerich, un duch wora 
 mere ken patching tsu da demagrawdisha hawna os om 
 welshkarn hisely room g'shtonna hen un ga-goxed, ga- 
 grayed un g'fuchta far ebbes tsu fressa. Se hen warrick- 
 lich recht badowerlich ga-gooked. Dale hen de schwontz- 
 feddera farlora g'hot, un de menshta de kem farfrora. Se 
 hen far fier yohr uff de pudda un fowla ebbel fun da bame 
 im bomgardo galsebed un mer het net g'maened os so feel 
 fun ena sich ivver so en hardter winder shoffa hetta kenna. 
 
 Endlich hen mere der kuch-uffa uff shtelt g'hot un de 
 weipsleit hen awfonga es middawg essa greega, un so on da 
 dri uhr hen mere uns by-g'setzed. Noach middawg is der 
 Grover tsu mere cooma un hut g'sawt ich un de Polly hetta 
 unser sheer gadoo un setta now awenich nows lawfa uns 
 shtettle saena. Mer sin ob-g'shtart un so en grosse shtott 
 we Washingdon is hov ich in mime laeva net g'saena. De 
 heiser sin uff annonner ga-bowed un de leit sin oil uff ga- 
 dressed os won es Soondawg ware. Es arsht hov ich 
 "how-de-do" tsu yader ebber g'sawt, un gaega es ledsht 
 sin se so dick cooma os ich mere der kup sheer ob ga- 
 noked hob. Es hut mere nemond gadonked won ich ena 
 de tzeit gabudda hob un des hut mich fartzorned un ich hob 
 der Polly g'sawt se mechta tzoom dihenker gae un mere 
 daida hame shtarta. Uff em wake tzurick sin mere on ma 
 bush farby. Es wore foil bame un blonsa, un fountains. 
 Uff ae mohl hov ich ebbes g'saena os mich ershtound hut. 
 Yaw, du mawksht mere's glawva odder net, awver grawd 
 in der mit fun denna bame wore en weipsmensch g'shtonna 
 os ken shtick glaid aw g'hot hut. Yaw, se wore so nock-' 
 ich os der dawg os se gabora wore. We de Polly se g'saena
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 159 
 
 hut is se sheer umechta warra. Ich hob suggest mere 
 daida gse un era helfa era glaider aw do, awver de Polly 
 hut g'sawt, "Gottlieb, du bleibsht doh ; en g'hierder mon hut 
 ken bisniss on so bletz." Se is gonga far dem weips- 
 mensch helfa era glaider soocha, awver gli is se tzurick 
 cooma un hut g'sawt ich kent cooma, dos es weipsmensch 
 ware ous marvel g'mauched un kent net schwetza. 
 
 We mere tzurick cooma sin hen se olles reddy g'hot 
 far de 'Noggeration Ball. Doh wore awver shtile ! De 
 weipsleit wora in full dress un se hen de schwentz fun era 
 gowns room g'schlaefed we biskotza. De Polly hut ken 
 "full dress" g'hot un hut refused tsu donsa. Ich wore 
 ruich bis de band der oldt "Ferginny Reel" uff g'shpeeled 
 hut un derno hov ich my feese nimmy ruich holdta kenna 
 un bin ni ga-joomped. Dart is woo ich der letz mistake 
 g'maucht hob. Es arsht os ich g'wist hob wore ich far- 
 hoodled in da weipsleit era longa schwentz un bin uff der 
 bouch in de shtoop g'folla. De toneya karls woo om donsa 
 wora hen awfonga ivver mich laucha, awver ich hob se 
 bleztich nows g'fuddered un sell hut se ga-distered. 
 
 Der Grover hut derno g'sawt mere daida besser in de 
 rue gae so os mere free morgets hame shtarta kenta. Ich 
 hob der hint g'numma. Are ware uns garn lose warra un 
 es hut ene net long g'numma. 
 
 Morgets we are uns goot-by gevva hut hov ich erne 
 g'sawt os ich daid ene net shtecka lussa, un won are ken 
 mon greega kent far in si cabinet don set are mich's usht 
 wissa lussa un ich daid bletzlich cooma. Ich gook olla dawg 
 far en breef, un won ich en call greek don goot-by tzoom 
 Hawsa Barrick. 
 
 DER U-BENNICH BOO. 
 
 BISKOTZADAWL, U. S. A., Obrill 10, 1893. 
 
 LIEVER BOONASTIEL: Du bisht en long-keppicher oldter karl un 
 ich coom tsu dere far rode. Ich bin der fodder fun ma boo os 
 u-bennich is. Es is es ansicht kind, is ninetzae yohr oldt, hut si Ireva 
 olles greeked os are hovva hut wella, shoft nix un duch draid are olla
 
 l6o CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 dawg uff sina eldera era hartz. Ich hob shunt ga-coaxed, ga-bid un 
 ga-bade mit erne, un won ich ene leddera will don doot de mommy 
 interfera. Wos sull ich do mit eme? 
 
 HEINERICH HULLERBUCK. 
 
 Well, Heinerich, ich denk du husht en job uff bond. 
 Luss mich saena : Der boo is es ansicht kind, shoft nix, hut 
 si laeva olles greeked os are hovva hut wella, is ninetzae 
 yohr oldt un du darefsht ene net leddera! Hut are dich 
 nuch net ga-garrebed? Won are net hut don set are, far 
 en fodder os en boo so uff-tzeeged set bletzlich shlaik hov- 
 va. Der boo is, denk ich, der mommy era "pet" un der 
 "mommy era pet" is generally de nuisance fun der nuch- 
 bershoft. Geb ma kind olles os are will un es naixt os du 
 waisht nembt are olles os du husht. Ich wist ken besserer 
 wake far en boo tsu fardarva os grawd der wake os du ga- 
 numma husht, un won are net on der golya coomed don is 
 es net di shoold. Bada is oil recht on der rechta tzeit, 
 awver en goote ebbel gardt hut shunt en monnicher boo 
 ous der penitentiary g'holdta. 
 
 Es is amohl en porra on unser house cooma we ich 
 nuch en glaener boo wore. Of course, won en porra cooma 
 is don is es amohl es arsht ons hinkel fonga gonga. Won 
 sell ga-doo wore don hen mere boova uns oil in da ecka 
 room g'hucked os we gibs bubba. Dare porra hut en soo 
 g'hot. Es wore aw es ansicht kind, sex yohr oldt. Es hut 
 longe gruller in sina hore g'hot, wore blaich im g'sicht, un 
 hut en blose velvet suit aw-g'hot. Dare boo wore ken 
 shtoond uff em blotz bis are oil unser shpeel-heislin tzom- 
 ma g'schmissa hut g'hot. Are wore en glaener kanich, un 
 ich hob g'winched ich ware aw en porra's-boo. Der boo 
 hut sich endlich on der hoond g'mauched un hut eme der 
 schwontz ga-draid bis are eme in de naws ga-bissa hut. 
 We's essa reddy wore sin se oil on der dish except mere 
 boova. Mere wora net ga-trained far mit da porra essa. 
 Es porra's kind hut der feddersht blotz om dish g'hot, un 
 ebs ga-bade g'mauched wore hut are shunt en wasser tum- 
 bler fum dish ga-pushed g'hot un en farbrucha. By sella
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. ' l6l 
 
 tzeit hut are en frisher custard-boy saena shtse un aw 
 grawd ga-grisha far en shtick hovva. Are hut's aw bletz- 
 lich g'hot. Grawd hut are widder en shtick wella un so 
 hut are aw-g'holdta bis are de helft fum gonsa boy tsu sich 
 g'shoft hut g'hot. Sell tzeit hut en holver custard-boy ord- 
 lich feel ga-maned, un we se refused hen erne mae gevva 
 don hut are awfonga unna wedder der dish kicka os es 
 rawm-greegly um g'folla is. Der porra hut g'sawt "Now, 
 Johnny, you must not be so naughty or papa will cry !" 
 
 Ge-whiliker-bumn ! Won se mich usht on ene ga-lust 
 hetta! Ich het eme garn de onner helft fum boy gevva. 
 Seller boo hut olles greeked os are hovva hut wella except 
 shlaik un heit laerndt are es shoe-maucha hond-warrick in 
 der penitentiary. 
 
 DER BOO OS SI MARRICK MAUCHED. 
 
 DES is de tzeit fum yohr woo de boova un de maid 
 graduata doona ous da Colleges un Seminaries. Es hut 
 mich shunt uft g'woonered we's coomed os tzwse mit der 
 sama amount fun laming nows in de weldt gaena, un aner 
 gebt en mon fun influence un reshpectability un der onner 
 gait der grebbs-gong. Ich mane ich het's om end ous 
 g'foona. De shult is, aner hut gooter fershtond un der on- 
 ner hut kenner. Nem en boo fun der boweri woo wase 
 wos arawet is, woo noddeerlich is, un hut larna shoffa. 
 Shick ene in de shool. Educate ene, don husht en mon. 
 Nem de'rno en city chap, woo in sime laeva nix g'wist hut os 
 we si hussa ous wara uff em sitz, woo mained es ware en 
 shont tsu shoffa, woo en hond hut so waich os baw-woll un 
 so kold os en lizzard shick so en kolb in de college un won 
 are rous coomed husht en ga-larnter ux. Der arsht boo 
 gait in bisniss. Won's notewennich is far en barl tzooker in 
 der keller rolla don shpoutsed are in de hend un nembt 
 holdt. Em onera si hend sin net fit far on ebbes hold 
 greega. Derno larnt are de piano glubba. Are con a 
 pawr shticker shpeela, un ferleicht coombany shae enter-
 
 1 62 
 
 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 taina far en o\vet, awver, luss mich dere sawga, de piano 
 glubba far en yunger mon is en accomplishment, un is 
 hendich far en ornament, awver es bringt ken brode- 
 warsht ins house. 
 
 Alit unsera maid is es feel der same wake. Era mitter 
 hen larna shpinna, vvesha, melka, un ferleicht hoy-recha. 
 Se sin g'sunt on fuftzich yohr un kenna ivver en finf-rigel 
 fense joompa. De maid sin en ornament, uns daid note 
 mer daid se in baw-woll wickla un uff en shelf laega fun 
 ame Somshdawg ovet tzoom onera. Era aim is en nom 
 tsu fonga. Se kenna shae schwetza, (farleicht Latin) se 
 kenna de piano shpeela os se dunnered, un shae ga-tziffer 
 maucha far um era hemmer room, awver won se amohl 
 g'hired sin don fint era mon gli ous dos even Latin un 
 Greek un triganometry un astronomy nix tsu do hut mit 
 windla wesha un brode bocka. 
 
 KARRASEERA BY MACHINERY. 
 
 Es BOOT mere gons fun hartza Ised won ich sae we de 
 yunga leit aw gaena heitza-dawgs. Es waerdt now olles by 
 machinery gadoo. Der onner dawg bin ich de shtrose 
 g'luffa don fin ich en cord un doh wore ebbes druff ga- 
 drucked. Ich hob's tzoom Billy Bixler g'numma un dare 
 hut mere's laesa. Des is wos es wore : 
 
 ESCORT CARD. 
 
 May I have the pleasure of your company 
 
 to attend a to be held at 
 
 o'clock 
 
 ise sign your name on the hack 
 return to me.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 163 
 
 Now, is es meeklich os se avvfonga nuch karraseera by 
 machinery? Far oldters won mer gse hut wella si maidel 
 saena, I don hut mer a pawr nia Kentucky jean hussa, en 
 shtrafich hem un a pawr ora-shoe aw gadoo. Derno is mer 
 gablivva so long os mer hut wella odder ga-darreffed un 
 won mer g'hired hut don hut mer de kinner uff gatzooga 
 mit der mudder era millich. Ollaweil muss mer hame gae 
 um tzsea, muss es licht brenna lussa un de fenshtera wide 
 uff hovva. Se finna yo weis der tsu-shtond nix ous fun an- 
 nonner bis se g'hired sin. Derno won se hira don is es en 
 grosse shont kinner tsu hovva: Won ols ebmohls so en 
 armlichs gabora is don muss de fraw yo net ous society 
 g'holda warra, uns kint wardt fardt g'shicked un uff 
 g'tzooka we en kolb uff dicky millich. Is es en wooner os 
 es ken shoff-leit mae gebt os se oil clerks, un ducter, un 
 shtore-keeper un drucker si wella. Yader mon tsu seim 
 g'sheft. Du daidsht usht so goot broveera en raega-boga 
 fonga in ma fish-gorn os en prize-fechter finna in anes fun 
 unsera shtylisha familia. 
 
 Es heira is aw gons onishter fun wos es oils wore. 
 Mer is ols gonga un g'sawjt : " Wilsht mich, Liss ?" Won 
 se g'sawt hut "Yaw," don huts de bisniss g'settled. Now 
 muss mer ins court house gae uns yader ebber uff de naws 
 henka wos aw gaid, un derno froga os we en kint far es 
 recht far sich farhira? Hoons-boona uff so business. Sin 
 mer oil kinner os net wissa wos mer wella? Won se don 
 amohl ame olles g'frogt hen un mer hut ena g'sawt we feel 
 shtae-blodera os mer shunt g'hot hut, un we feel bocka-tzae 
 os mer ferlora hut don gebt mer si dawler un gaid nows we 
 en ga-gaishelder hounse. Derno won der porra em nuch 
 awile recht bagooked hut . don doot are em shplisa, un 
 derno awver brecht's lose en trip noach Ni Yorrick, Fil- 
 delfy, odder so gor Washingdon ! Dahame bliva is en 
 shont, un feel gaena un shpenda tzae dawler far karfare woo 
 derno en shtorebox usa missa fer en eck-shonk won se 
 hame cooma fun era honey-moon trip. 
 
 In fact, 'sis olles ivver-tzwarrich un won unser grose-
 
 164 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 mitter tzurick cooma daida un daida ssena era maid room 
 lawfa mit gallusa, un pull-backs, don daida se Gud donka 
 os se g'shtarva sin eb de leit so fardihenkert narrish sin 
 warra. 
 
 WARE SULL DE PRISCILLA HIRA. 
 
 LIEVER BOONASTIEI, : Du husht em Heinerich Hullerbuck so 
 bully gooter advice gevva waega sime u-bennicha boo os ich mer net 
 helfa con dich aw umrode froga. Ich hob en duchter, Prescilla, os 
 boll uff eld is, un de will hira, awver se will net hira ware ich hovva 
 will. Mer breicha se aw notewennich dahame un ich mane se set 
 nuch so socha sich ous em kup shloga. Kunsht du mere rode gevva 
 we se derfun tsu holdta. 
 
 DANNY MAISUCH. 
 
 WELL, Danny, my arshte froke is, wid du hira odder 
 di duchter? Won's dich is don sedsht du di agener willa 
 hovva, awver won di duchter, Prescilla, hira will don set se 
 de waul hovva ware se hovva will far en mon. Ich sawg 
 des wile du sawgsht in dime brief os se boll uff eld is, un 
 ich bahawb os won en maidel net era fershtond hut on 
 selera eld don greeked se kenner. Won se nuch in era 
 kelver-leeb ware don daid ich dere by shtae, awver se is 
 oldt ga-nunk far selver picka un de noddure sawgt era 
 tzimlich naixt ware se gleicha con un ware se net gleicha 
 con. 
 
 Luss mich dere sawga, Danny, en oldter mon yunga 
 leit era leeb picka is en missliche bisniss, un se hira maucha 
 ware se net wella is orrick g'farlich. Es is ken house- 
 holdting os net ols ebmohls glaena shtrawatts hut, un won 
 es dreeb wasser net grawd hell wardt don soocha se far en 
 uresoch, un won der fodder de. match ga-mauched hut don 
 blama se ene far era droovel, un es naixt os du haersht 
 sawga se, "My dawdy hut my fraw ga-picked un are mawk 
 aw now by era Iseva." Is sell net wore? Waisht du net 
 fun house-holdtinga os grawd sella wake uff-ga-brucha sin ? 
 
 Uff der onera hond, won tswse mit eram agena willa 
 sich farmared hen don is es era agener bariga, un se
 
 FUM BOONASTIHX. 165 
 
 shticka generally dertsoo so long os meeklich. De ga- 
 donka os shtride ga-bruffatzeid is warra by era friend we se 
 g'hired hen is os we der crack funera whip ivver era kep, 
 un se shtarta widder nei mid frisher mood far broveera 
 anonner widder recht tsu gleicha. Dohare set en fodder 
 orrick ochtsome si we weit os are gait in sella socha. Es 
 set enda mit gooter rode un en farshtennicher protest 
 awver by freeda, ken g'wold. Are doot's ba-ria mit bid- 
 dery draina. 
 
 Du sawgsht aw de Prescilla set net hira wile dere se 
 nuch dahame breicht. Yaw, un we elder os dere wardt we 
 mse notewenich os dere se breicht. En harlicher hire- 
 rawd is en grosse g'nawd. De chanca sin net blendy, un es 
 con nemond afforda aney tsu farleera. Won du de Pres- 
 cilla moll nimmy wid don will aw nemond shunsht se m?e. 
 Nix is mse important in weldliche socha os we en fraw od- 
 der en mon soocha un luss mich dere sawga, Danny, 
 recht hira hut gor shtarns feel tsu do mit der naixta weldt. 
 Es is nix shurer far en mon tsu'm divel driva os en 
 schlechte fraw. Won der mon schlecht ous draid don doot 
 de ga-recht fraw farwelka we en doolla-bawn un gait gen- 
 erally yung ins grawb. Won de fraw schlecht is don doot 
 der mon's generally shtanda far awile, awver by degrees 
 draid are in en sow un farrecked so. 
 
 Now, Danny, ich hob dere net g'sawt wos du do sulsht, 
 awver du consht di ageny conclusion tzeega wos ich mane. 
 
 ON DER WELDT'S FARE. 
 
 ICH S3s du worsht on der Weldt's Fare un hare du bisht 
 widder tzurick. Won ich's ga-wist het don het ich dere, 
 by-chucks, g'sawt du sedsht uns en blotz ous-gooka far 
 unser Hawsa Barrick Museum. Ich un der Billy Bixler 
 hen en goote collection fun curiosities un mer hen's ga- 
 nawmed "The Great Hawsa Barrick Aggregation of Nat- 
 ural Curimosities," un hen g'maned mer wetta de gons bis- 
 niss noach Chicago nemma den soomer, un hetta garn g'hot
 
 1 66 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 os du uns awennich ga-adfertised hedsht. Mer hen feel fun 
 da ardickle der Sols Rever runner ga-brucht, un wile yader 
 ebber ga-interest is in selera lond-shoft, mane ich, mere 
 mista ordlich geld maucha kenna derfun. 'Mohl's arsht hen 
 mere em Bench Harrison sime grose-dawdy si oldter shtitsa 
 hoot woo de Demagrawda erne ivver de awga nunner ga- 
 tzoga hen em ledshta Nofember ; derno hen mere anes fun 
 Grover Cleveland sina bobbeerna collars os dri-un-tswonsich 
 tzoll messed, un em oldta Hendrick's si bandanna schnoop- 
 dooch woo are nei g'hiled hut we de returns rei cooma sin 
 fun der 'leckshon in ocht-un-ochtzich. Mer hen anes fum 
 grossa Demagrawdisha politician Breckenridge sina reck woo 
 are mit gale-feever kutz g'schmeared hut un se tsu da Union 
 soldiers g'shicked dorrich der greek far es gale f eever in de 
 North shicka, aw em Mat Quay si nawma woo are g'signed 
 hut we uff em pardon board wore far der Bill Kemble 
 ous der penitentiary greega noach dem os are dri milluna 
 dawler ous de Pennsylvania treasury shtaela hut wella. Mer 
 hen aw en bocka-tzaw fun yadem asel im Pennsylvania 
 Legislature, un es pickter fum ansichta member os sich si 
 laeva net farkawfed hut tsu em Pennsylvania Rigel-wake un 
 der Shtandard Oil Coombany. Mer hen en wishly hore fum 
 ansichta mon im county os sich net der hols ob g'schora 
 hut we are in office gonga is, un en finger-nawgel fum mon 
 os nix g'shtola hut de wile os are in office wore. Mer hen 
 de tzaw-lawd fum mon os oil si farshprecha g'holdta hut 
 tsu sina freind, un de ansicht finf-cent segar os si laeva ous 
 gevva is warra by ma kondadawt. Mer hen en shroub ous 
 der lawd fum mon os tzaea yohr in bolidix wore un is en 
 grishtlicher dote g'shtarva, un feel onery socha os nemond 
 si Iseva derfum g'hared hut. Mer hen en weipsmensch os 
 liever in de bade-shtoond gait os in en milliner-shop, en boo 
 os liever in de kaarich gait os fisha, en maidel os net olla 
 mohl in der shiggel gooked os se draw farby lawfed, en 
 monskarl os so feel fun sinera agena fraw denkend os fun 
 sime nuchbar sinera, en duckter os si sega medicine nembt, 
 en wserdt os si shtuft net gleiched, en lawyer os net
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 1 67 
 
 shtaled, en drooker os net leeked, en shtore-keeper os net 
 badreeked, un en dri-banich kolb mit sivva schwentz. 
 
 Now, won du in dinera gonsa trip en graesery aggre- 
 gation fun curimosities g'ssena husht don luss mich's wissa. 
 Shribe nows un sawg sella karls os mere cooma daida un se 
 setta uns en shtand uff holdta naixt on Demagrawdisha 
 head-quarters wile mere em Chicago wasser net drowa. 
 
 DER BUSH HOOND UN DER CITY HOOND. 
 
 Es sind amohl tswse hoond tzomma cooma im shtettle. 
 Der aned hut en messich holls-bond g'wora, hut shsena hore 
 g'hot un wore so monneerlich os en mensch. Are wore en 
 city hoond awver hut sich net besser ga-dinked os si nuch- 
 bera hoond woo uff der boweri uff-ga-tzoga sin warra. Der 
 onner hoond wore en shepherd un wore ous em bush. Are 
 hut en fershtenich g'sicht g'hot, wore goot ga-bowed un 
 wore en grosse hilf uff der boweri far hetsa un helfa's fee 
 heeda. \Ye se tzomma cooma sin hen se wennich on 'nonner 
 room g'schmunseled, on 'nonner nuff ga-joomped, un end- 
 lich sin se mit 'nonner naiva nows ga-drulled un sich uff en 
 wausem bank g'hucked. Der City hoond hut der country 
 hoond a wennich aw-ga-gooked don hut are aw-fonga 
 schwetza : 
 
 "My liever freind, es hut mich shunt uft ga-woonered 
 we de leit es maucha im lond. In der city shtaena mere uff 
 won mere wella, hen lot dinsht leit os oil de arawet 
 doona, essa oil es goot soch os de leit im lond raisa un 
 bringa uff der morrick, un won unser ei-coomas tsu wennicch 
 wardt don doona mere usht a pawr cent uff der tzooker 
 odder koffee, odder kardoo, un de leit ous em lond woo de 
 socha kawfa missa, mauche widder olles aeva. Won's uns 
 tsu hase waerdt in der shtodt don gaena mere noach em sae, 
 un won's uns dart farleid don dinga mere en Pullman Palace 
 kar, doona a pawr naeger mit nemma far's kucha do un 
 derno fora mere dorrich's lond un saena we hardt os dere 
 awremy ketzer shoffa mist. Im lond is nix os shoffa, shoffa,
 
 1 68 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 shoffa by da monsleit, un nix os kucha, roashta, un bocka by 
 da weipsleit. We kent dere's shtanda?" 
 
 "Goot ga-nunk," sawgt der shepherd. "Unser laeva 
 uff der boweri is net so hardt os du denka daidsht. Es is 
 wore, mere sin olsfart bissy. Der Soondawg is der lengsht 
 dawg in der wuch tsu'm bissya mon. De hardsht arawet 
 in der weldt is broveera nix do. De leit in der city wissa 
 net wos es is en gooter obbadit tsu hovva un we's shpeered 
 meed tsu si. En gonser gawg lia se in era hammocks un 
 ga-kushionda shteel un broveera de tzeit fardfiva, un 
 nochts rulla se im bed room os we gronke gile un bro- 
 veera tsu schlofa. Se wissa net wos ena failed. Era obba- 
 dit is fart un era rue farfloga. Won de monsleit net fowla 
 neera greega don gaena se dote on da harn-gichtera, un de 
 weipsleit drickla usht so uff os we blooma im shodda. 
 Won en kint unich denna leit in der city ga-bora is don is 
 es ob-g'shtonna, blaich un gnetchich. Ae knicker maucht's 
 dote. Im lond sin se so hardt os en bind-gnarra, un der 
 mumps un de reidla hen net feel mit ena tsu do. So kin- 
 ner sin en blesseer, un so wiver os mere hen sin en lusht. 
 Se bocka es besht brode des es net uff ga-blosa mit ollow 
 os we en sei-blose, unser booter is frish un sees un net so 
 shtraifich os en fensa-mouse, unser oyer sin frish un hen 
 nuch der dudder in der mid, un unser shoonka-flaish is fun 
 g'sunte sei os mer selver dote g'mauched hen un sin net 
 farrecked on der cholera in der West. Unser wasser is 
 frish. un sees un net misht-bree os ous rever g'fonga is. 
 un unser bedder msega net so deef in feddera si os da city 
 leit era, awver en bind-schward is waich won mer meed is. 
 Dohare, my liever freind, daid ich heit net hondla mit 
 dere." 
 
 De hoond sin uff g'shtonna, sich g'shiddeled un ous- 
 anonner g'shtardt, awver eb se fun-nonner sin hut der city 
 hoond der shepherd g'frogt eb are en bower wist in sinera 
 nuchbershoft os garn en gooter hoond het far's fee heeda. 
 
 Moral : Tsu feel rue mauched un-rue.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 169 
 
 BY DA SOLDAWDA. 
 
 Ich wore der onner dawg drunna om encampment on 
 Shikillimy, un es hut mich ons badolya ga-mauned woo 
 mere ols g'hot hen far em greek. Mindsht du much we far- 
 ichderlich os de soldawda ga-gooked hen ivver em exi- 
 tzeera un wos duch de officers uff weedlicha gile room ga- 
 ridda sin, mit grosse wisa giles-schwentz uff era heet un 
 reff-sensa far dsega! Ich hob ols g'mained anes fun sella 
 grosa officers kenta en gonse ous-lendishe armse leddera 
 so risend hen se ga-gooked. Un de soldawda hen grosse 
 flinda g'hot mit grosse grumma bomanetta draw. Mer 
 hut g'wiss g'mained os won greek ous-brecha set don 
 daida de en breckfesht maucha ousera gonsa armas. De 
 officers sin ols naiva nows ga-ridda un mer hut g'mained 
 der freeda fun unserem gonsa lond daid henka uff wos os 
 se now schwetza un duch is nix lose ga-brucha os der 
 korrick funera g'ward buddle os aner fun ena in sina sad- 
 del-bags g'hot hut. Mindsht du nuch we g'schwint os es 
 exitzeera g'shtupped hut we der greek ous ga-brucha is? 
 De grossa officers hen era giles-schwentz fun da heet un 
 sin unnich de dish g'shlooped. Se hens marrick ollamohl 
 dreffa kenna mitera gward buddle, awver mit bulfer un bli 
 hen se net fechta wella, un de oldta soldawda woo ols in 
 line g'shtelt sin warra mit da grossa reff-sense daega hen 
 net mse larna wella wasga greek. Won aner en grosser 
 drom drinka hut kenna un en grosser bully si don hen de 
 leit g'mained are daid en woonerbawrer soldawdt maucha, 
 un selly wora de arshta os sich de finger odder dowma ob 
 g'hocked hen far draft-fry warra. 
 
 Un so is mer evva aw-g'feered mit da looks fun socha. 
 We der greek ous ga-brucha is huts badolya g'shtupped, 
 un history hut es hero-worshippa aw-g'fonga. De boova 
 woo de koogla g'shtupped hen sin net feel ga-mentioned 
 warra, un feel fun ena shlofa heit unich ma shtae os "un- 
 known" ga-marricked, is, wile de officers woo ga-nunk 
 g'wist hen far sich ous g'fore holda, sin oldt g'shtarava.
 
 170 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 Duch ssened mer in da picter-bicher fum greek os de gen- 
 erals in bletz room ga-ridda sin woo de canoona koogla so 
 dick ga-lega hen os karribsa in ma welsh-karn feldt, tin 
 duch wors net uft os aner was ga-doo is warra. Won aner 
 fun ena endlich g'shtarava is don hut si widfraw finf dow- 
 send dawler pension es johr ga-vote greeked by Con- 
 gress usht os won's era aega geld ware, un de awrem wid- 
 fraw fum a private, mit era tzwelf kinner, hut ocht odder 
 tzwelf dawler greeked der moonet. 
 
 Ich hob en oldter shriner ga-kennt os oils g'sagt hut, 
 "Der doch-shtool bringed olles on der blotz." Ich doubt 
 eb der "doch shtool" olles aeva mauchet im greek. Won 
 en officer g'suf fa is warra un pawr dowsend soldawda una- 
 dich dote maucha hut lussa don is are politely g'frogt 
 warra far resigna. Won en private ous ga-wora wore un 
 is ei-g'shlofa uff gaerd don hen se ene g'shussa odder ins 
 gaerd-house g'sheckt bis der naixt battle un derno ene 
 rous galust far fonna hare gae un de rebel ranks brecha. 
 Won are umm cooma is don hut nemond en monument 
 erect tsu eme awver si dote hut usht so en grose luch ga- 
 mauchet dahame in sinera house-holdting os der graesht 
 general in der armae. 
 
 De fact is, ae doter mon mauched usht so feel shtawb 
 os der onner, un about fartzich per cent, fun unseram pa- 
 triotism un show sin fowla fish. 
 
 DER GOOT FREIND. 
 
 En gooter freind! Husht du in dime laeva draw ga- 
 denked we rawr os se sin ? Es hut lots fun leits os di freind 
 sin so long os se dich usa kenna, awver won se dich amohl 
 ous g'used hen don shmisa se dich in der grawva we en 
 ous-g'sookelde lemon. De weldt is foil so freind. Won 
 du ena ninetzae favors doosht un refushed ena der tswon- 
 sicht don draida se dich in der dreck. 
 
 Derno is en onery sart freind. Es sin de woo freind- 
 lich tsu dime g'sicht sin, un won tsu dere schwetza don
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. I/I 
 
 mainsht du se \vara oil tzooker un hoonich, awver won du 
 der buckel draisht don sin se uff dere we de gale-weshpa. 
 Selly sart leit wissa olles os gaega dich is, un won ebbes 
 letz gait mit dinera freindshoft odder mit dere selver don 
 doona se es room peddla os we der gretz so yader ebber 
 ese fongt, un olla mohl os se es fartzsela warts gneser bis 
 se endlich en elefont ous'ra mouse ga-mached hen. "Du 
 musht awver nix sawga," is era shrprich wordt. Se wella 
 es sawga oil selver do. Derno won ebbes gootes in dinera 
 house-holdting odder in dinera friendshoft happened don 
 sawga se ken wordt awver wardta bis ebber's ena fartzaled. 
 Derno sawga se: "O, yaw; ich hob sell aw g'hared 
 awver mer muss evva allowance maucha far de woreheit. 
 Ich, amohl farains, glawbs net," un bis se fardich sin mit 
 der case hen se en elefont so glae os en mouse. Du waisht 
 fun so leit. Ware doot net? Era graeshter concern is far 
 de goota leit drunna holdta so os yo nemond feel fun ena 
 denked odder era ageny reputation is on shtake. De ling- 
 ner un heichler sin drunna se wissa' s un se wella nu- 
 niond in der nuchbershoft hovva os mas derfun ga-denked 
 is os se selver, un de result is os se era ageny bisniss far- 
 sima un farleera uft geld wile se usht room hucka missa un 
 watcha far de leit os era kep ous em dreck haeva woo se 
 selver drin sin. So leit sin we grebsa. Se fonga era bait 
 un derno backa se unich en shtae un fardrenna's im 
 doonkla. Se drowa sich selver net un dohare drowa se 
 nemond shunsht. Se maena se hetta feel freind, awver won 
 se in de note cooma un froga far hilf don joompa selly 
 freind ous-anonner we flae in ma sei-shtoll. 
 
 Ich bin kens fun denna karls os maena es het gor ken 
 goote freind mae in der weldt. Es hut se, awver ich ba- 
 hawb se sin rawr. Der goot freind doot grawd es gaega- 
 dale fun denna woo ich derfun g'schwetzed hob. Are 
 sawgt de goota socha waega dere won du se net haersht, un 
 won are findt os du letz bisht don coomed are tsu dere we 
 en mon un sawgt dere's ins g'sicht. En freind os by dere 
 shtaid won are wase os du letz gaisht doot dere grosser
 
 172 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 shawda. Em recht setza won mer letz is is em ous em 
 doonkla in de helling g'feered un ken graeserer favor con 
 ma mon bafolla. Dich gae lussa un dich ssena in u-glick 
 cooma is em deifel si g'sheft. Der goot freind is der arsht 
 os nei coomed won amohl de gons weldt nows gonga is, un 
 won du so aner finsht don bin ene on dich mit eisna ben- 
 ner, far du consht en tzsea-ocker feldt fon karls finna os 
 dere der belly-guts uff der worriff-showfel he haeva bis du 
 ainer finsht os dere en sock foil waetza on di hinnery dere 
 shtelt de wile os du shlofsht.
 
 PART II. 
 
 12
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 175 
 
 DE COLLEGE BOOVA. 
 
 We mere ols in de shool gonga sin wore's far-shtonna 
 os mere net usht shool laerning greeked hen awver aw 
 awenich farshtond mit ei-g'numma. Es is nimmy so 
 heitza-dawgs. Now, es arsht os de professor in unsera 
 colleges wissa wella is we wide os mer joompa con, 
 we good os mer bolla shpeela con, un we long os mer 
 si hore woxa con lussa eb mer blind waerdt. De arsht lesson 
 os mer derno greeked is laerna der "college yell" gevva, un 
 es naixt os mer wase doot der boo shtse-mit em movl uff we 
 en omshel un greished we en Holenner : 
 
 "Zip ! Bang ! Boom ! 
 
 'Rah! 'Rah! 'Rah! 
 
 Hinkle Tzae un Reeva Elude, 
 
 Grudda Hore un Dowva Millich. 
 
 Epsilorum, Boof !" 
 
 un oil so dihenkersa norrheita os nemond wase wos es is, 
 awver yader ebber farshtaed os der boo shunt nei g'shtart is 
 far en farflommpts kolb fun sich maucha. De leit gooka tsu 
 un sawga, "De boova saya era wilder hovver," awver der 
 druvvel es se saya der hovver so deef os are farfowled im 
 budda. Won se derno en holb yohr fun hame sin hen se 
 olles galaerndt os so rutsnawsa wissa kenna waega reshpect- 
 fully leit unsulta, un se maena es ware shmardt far awrmy 
 u-shuldiche maid blackgarda waega era dressa, un oldte leit 
 b'shimpa waega era doomheit. Se shmoka oil grosse pi fa 
 wile sell se gooka maucht we toughs, un won se in de kars 
 cooma don muss yaders tswse sitz tsu sich selver hovva won 
 shunt meede oldte wiver im gong shtae missa un bublin haeva. 
 Now, sawg mere amohl, doona se de socha laerna in 
 era shool bicher? Won se doona, ware's net en gooder blan 
 en collection uff nemma far ena nia bicher kawfa os aw 
 awenich ebbes sawga waega we mer sich badrawga set in
 
 176 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 coombany. Es doot waricklich seema os der karl woo es 
 loudsht schwetza con, de shtinkisht pifa shmoka un hut de 
 lengshta hore is es mensht aw-g'name by eena. Se explaina 
 de socha mit em argument os se mista exercise hovva. Far- 
 moodilch. Awver farwass ssega se net huls un bowa pushta 
 fense. Awver sell ware g'shoft, un shof fa-is gaega de rule. 
 
 Awver des is net de rule by de boova arlae. Gook amohl 
 on unser maid. Yohra tzurick hen se ols laerna bocka un 
 bigla, un shtricka und wesha. Now missa se hem-shticha, 
 embroidera, ruffla un flounsa maucha os em usht net warem 
 holdt awver sin en farflompte nuisance. Won se hira don 
 missa se grawd en mawd hovva so gor tswae aney far de 
 arawet do un de onner far uff se ocht gevva. Won der mon 
 net en bank hut don muss are de naws uff em shlife-shtae 
 hovva bis se tsu der conclusion coomed os se en mon g'hired 
 hut os se net enara con un derno gaeds on de divorce court 
 un der deivel locht si feisht full we en pudding os are hut. 
 
 Unner denna conditions daid ich suggesta os oil de col- 
 leges en post-graduate course uff graichta far de shtudents 
 farshtond laerna won se 'mohl olles wissa os se in da colleges 
 laerna kenna, un de idea hut sich suggest tsu mere der onner 
 dawg we der Sammy Mulbarger hame cooma is fun der col- 
 lege. Des barshtly wore fier yohr fardt in de shool. Der 
 Mike, si pap, hut usht se suit glader g'hot de gons tzeit os 
 der boo in der shool wore un si mommy wore far dri yohr 
 net weider fun hame os ons Gretzinger's greitz-wake, wile 
 se ken glader hut g'hot far gas b'sooka. Der Sammy is der 
 ancicht boo. Are wore ols en aw-g'namer younger mon, 
 awver de college hut si kup so full Iserning g'maucht os ken 
 blotz mae wore far farshtond, un es arsht os are gadoo hut 
 wore si dawdy retza wile are net recht English schwetza 
 con, un der mommy sawga os are sich shemma daid si col- 
 lege chums cooma lussa ene saena wile de gons nuchbershoft 
 tsu doom ware. Are hut oil si mail fun Schweffletown 
 greeked, tswae mile ob, wile are g'sawd hut de Hawsa Bar- 
 rick pusht-office ware tsu "insignificant." Are hut de boova 
 nimmy gakent os mit erne uff ga-woxa sin un Soondawgs
 
 FUM BOO NASTIER. 177 
 
 room ga-draveled hummel neshter soocha. In fact, are wore 
 unich em shodda bawm g'hucked en gonser dawg un novels 
 g'laesa, si finger-negel gabutzed, si pife g'shmoked un si hore 
 ous da awga ga-wished. Si dawdy hut mich g'frogt far 
 advise wos are mit dem boo do set. Ich bin nows ons house- 
 eck un ene long ba-gooked nnich em shodda bawn ; derne bin 
 ich tzurck un hob erne dare advise gevva : "Fong ene un 
 bin en uff en huvvel-bonk os we en oldt mooder-shof e ; derno 
 greek en hecka-share un nem si belse fum kup ; schnide de 
 longa negle fun sina finger un mauch ene se f ressa ; shlrip 
 en kelsich hem ivver si kup un a pawr over alls ivver si fees ; 
 drae si g'sicht nuch em welshkarn feldt un derno shtell dich 
 hinnich ene mit der fawr-gaishel un greish : 
 
 "Zip! Bang! Boom! 
 
 'Rah! 'Rah! 'Rah! 
 
 Hinkle Tzae un Reeva Blude, 
 
 Grudda Hore un Dowva Millich. 
 
 Epsilorum, Boof !" 
 
 un won are sich net raiked don hock eme in de flank un ich 
 insure dich dt druvvel is om end." 
 
 Der naixt morga eb ich uff wore hov ich hara der oldt 
 Alike der "college yell" gevva un de fure es g'shtart nuch em 
 welsh-karn feldt. Ich hob ene der naixt dawg g'frogt we's 
 gonga is un are hut g'sawd : 
 
 "Boonastiel, du bisht en filossifer. De post-graduate 
 course hut my Sam olles g'larndt os are fargessa hut in fier 
 yohr un safed mere en knecht. Wos sawgsht? Mere 
 shtarta en post-graduate course om Barrick far uxa brecha ? 
 
 DER OLD BILLY SULTZER UN DE LOODER 
 GROBBA. 
 
 AE helft fun der weldt wase net we de onner helft Isebt, 
 un won mers wist don daida dale leit fun era hoacha box 
 shteppa un onery daida era blotz nemma. 
 
 De fact is, es sin tsu feel leit os laeva uff wos 
 de onera fardeena, un se bloaga sich mae far en dawler by
 
 1/ CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 b'shisseri greega os se mista far aner arlich fardeena. Des 
 hut sich g'wissa doh a pawr yohr tzurick we der oldt Billy 
 Sultzer en grocery g'shtart hut in Schweffeltown. Der 
 oldt mon hut olsfart hardt g'shoft, un hut in sime laeva ken 
 u-arlicher dawler ga-agened. Are hut g'maned yader eb- 
 ber ware arlich, un we are mohl nimmy si boweri selver 
 shoffa hut kenna hut are se farkawfed uns is ins shtettle 
 gatzoga un en grocery g'shtart. Are hut g'maned by 
 sellem wake kent are si oldte dawga tsu bringa laeva uff 
 wos are maucht fun sime wennich geld un breicht nimmy 
 so hardt shoffa. Are hut shelf er uff gadoo un a pawr roya 
 gakante tomats un welshkarn un boona druff g'shtelt. 
 Derno hut are en box g'schmokede herring uff g'macht 
 un uff der counter g'shtelt, en barl tzooker unich der coun- 
 ter, en lot g'maulener coffee rous g'setzed un en roy Frish- 
 mute duwock un rhode-shtraficher tzooker uffs shelf na- 
 vich feel onery glsena socha, un sich derno onna g'hucked, 
 si pife aw g'shtecked un g'wardt far customers. Are hut 
 net long g'sitzed bis en glaener boo ni cooma is mit finf 
 cent far tswae g'schmokede herring kawfa, un der oldt mon 
 hut es geld in de box es arsht os are si laeva fardeened 
 hut oony shoffa en hoonert per cent, brofit. Der naixt 
 customer wore de oldt 'Beckie Hetzel. Se hut en pock 
 Frishmute mit hame un dart wore sivva cent brofit, un so 
 is es awgona bis owet. hut are dri dawler un sivva cent 
 cash im sock g'hot. "Des beat boochwastza bowera uff 
 der fire-shtse rich," hut are tsu sinera oldta fraw g'sawd, 
 un der naixt morga wore are widder in sime shtore bissy 
 om kara un es soch in ordnung shtella. Der hondle is ri 
 cooma longsome im awfong awer awenich mas olla dawg 
 un es wore shier oil cash. Der oldt karl hut, by chucks, 
 endlich en bank account g'hot. Awer derno is ebbes 
 g'happened. De looder-grobba hen en doter gowl ga- 
 rucha, un aner noach em onera is tsu fleega cooma. Se 
 hen oil cash batzawled far a pawr dawg, un derno hen se 
 g'frogt fer gredit ols usht a pawr cent im anfong, awver 
 a pawr cent doh un a pawr cent dart hut gli si cash box
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 1/9 
 
 gooka maucha we dreisich cent wexel un si groceries sin 
 gonga we der schnae im Obril. Awer de accounts wora 
 oil goot. Dart wore der Bill Heichel, fore-shtayer in der 
 karrich. Dare wore shunt dreitzae dawler im gride, awver 
 en mon os olla Soondawg morga noach der karrich gaed 
 mit der beevil unich ame awrem un es hymn-booch unich 
 em onera, un con so griselhoftich bada set duch arlich si, 
 un der oldt mon hut si mind uff g'maucht os are ene net 
 insulta daid mit ene froga far uff-casha \von are de gons 
 bisness farleera daid. Endlich hut are duch erne en hint 
 nows g'hova os are geld hovva mist far si city creditors 
 satisfy a, awver der Bill hut awfonga karricha socha 
 schwetza un hut em oldta mon g'sawd os so en gooter mon 
 we are set tsu der karrich kara, un won are era g'mse 
 joina daid don daid are saena os se ene bletzlich foreshtayer 
 maucha daid. Are but seller dawg anyhow nix btzawled 
 fun sinera oldta account awer hut widder dri dawler waerdt 
 groceries gakawfed un we are es batzawla hut wella hut 
 are g'funna os are usht en dawler un dri cent in sime 
 pocket-booch hut, un es onner is widder uffs booch. De 
 looder-grobba hen era ronsa full g'hot un der oldt gowl is 
 ols wennicher worra. Der old mon wore shtultz mit sime 
 hondle. Are hut net gadenked g'hot os are so feel freind 
 het, un si bisniss is gawoxa bis are shier de onera gro- 
 ceries ous gadrivva hut. 
 
 Awver endlich is ebbes g'happend we's olsfart doot. 
 En bill far en hoonert un fartzich dawler is cooma mit der 
 mail fun Fildelfy. Des wore far ollerlae socha feel derfun 
 os are net farkawfa hut kenna even de looder-grobba hen 
 ken use g'hot der fore. De ecka wora full, de shelf er wora 
 full un de soon hut de shaena booshtawva uff da hoxa ga- 
 blaiched g'hot bis mer se shier nimmy saena hut kenna. 
 De city looder-grobba wora erne aw noach. Se hen erne 
 socha aw-gablowdered g'hot os are gor net gabreicht hut, 
 bis endlich hut are olles g'hot os far ken use wore except 
 en bank account, un der shrief hut en notice uff si deer 
 ga-tacked. Are is tsu da karl woo socha gakawfed hen
 
 l8o CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 uff gredit. Der Bill Heichel hut erne en check gevva far 
 finf-un-tswonsich dawler. Der oldt mon hut erne dri daw- 
 ler wexel gevva, awer we are on de bank comma is hen se 
 erne g'sawd os der Foreshtayer Heichel het ken account 
 in selera bank un der oldt drup hut de gons bisniss far- 
 lora. Dri dawg dernoach hen se auction g'hot om oldta 
 Billy Slutzer sinera grocery. Der shrief hut de socha 
 farkawfed by em shelf un der oldt mon is rous g'shtepped 
 un hut si boweri drin g'lust. Der naixt Soondawg morga 
 is der Bill Heichel nuch der karrich g'shtepped mit der 
 beevil unich ame awrem un es hymn-booch unich em 
 onera. 
 
 Un so gaed de weldt. De grossa fish fressa de glasna. 
 Es sin fier sorta leit de woo era shulda batzawla wile se 
 gleicha es tsu do; de woo se batzawla wiles batzawled se 
 tsu batzawla ; de woo batzawla wile se missa, un de woo se 
 gor net batzawla. Un loss mich dere sawga, won so karl 
 we der Bill Heichel in der himmel gsena uff era glawva don 
 is es far kse use mae es fire uff-holda om onera blotz. 
 
 Es set yader ebber a pawr lessons laerne fum oldta 
 Billy Sultzer sinera experience, un doh sin se : 
 
 1 Luss nemond si bisniss farlussa os are farshtsed un in 
 bisniss gae os are nix derfun wase. Es is hordt en oldter 
 
 hoond nia tricks Iserna. 
 
 2 Es con nemond sawga wos in ma mon sime hartz is 
 won's tsu-gadecked is mit ma gooda glade. 
 
 3 Der recht-shoffa mon brouch ken bell aw hovva de leit 
 kenna ene anyhow. 
 
 4 An kortze account is mse waerdt os en long gabade. 
 
 DE U-FARSHTENICHA FASHIONS. 
 
 Es is mere shunt edlich mohl ei-cooma far dere en 
 breef shriva uff de u-farshtenicha fashions, un won ich 
 ols recht draw denk don mus ich admitta os se duch 
 net so outlandish sin os se ols wora. Ich un de Polly 
 hen usht der onner owet derfun g'schwetzed. Mer wora
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. l8l 
 
 ons Yuckel Hawnayarricks un se hen an gwilding 
 g'hot. Doh wora yunge un oldte by anonner, un ich hob 
 feel socha g'ssena os mere net aw-g'shtonna hen. 'Mohls 
 arsht wore der Jeckey Hetzel, woo usht fun der college hame 
 cooma is. Des barshtly hut der shadle grawd uff der mit 
 fun sime kup g'hot, un hut derno si longe hore ivver de 
 shtarn nunner ga-paste. We are hands g'shaked hut mit 
 der Polly hut are usht holdt g'numma on da end fun era 
 finger, era hond nuff en level mit sime foosichera bawrd 
 g'hova un derno g'shiddled os we en shiply si schwontz. 
 We are mere si hond onna g'shtrecked hut hov ich se erne 
 g'schnarred os are shier uff de gnee g'folla is. Ich hob 
 noach-derhond ous g'funna os sell der society hand shake is. 
 Si sen wester wore aw dart un de hut en dress aw g'hot mit 
 ma waist os era shier nunner on de gnee g'hunka hut. Ich 
 hob g'frogt wos sell msened un se hen g'sawd sell ware wos 
 mer der "long effect" haesa daid. Ich wase net we se era 
 jacket so nunner henka hut kenna maucha oony es wore en 
 biegel-eisa draw ga-bunna. De monsleit wora aw bout shae 
 aw ga-do. De Molly Hetzel wore dart mit eram mon woo 
 fun Massachudes coomed. De Molly is dri-un-tswonsich 
 yohr oldt un era mon es dri-un-sechtzich. Se hut ene g'hired 
 far si geld un we se den oldta karl uff g'fixed hut g'hot 
 hedsht usht saena sulla. Hoche Monroe shoe, celluloid cuffs 
 os mer en rood ob reecha hut kenna, un en collar so hoach os 
 are net drivver nows shpoutsa het kenna. Se hut hovva 
 wella are set yung gooka un are hut en boga-hols gamaucht 
 we so en oldter gowl won mer ene recht hardt uff-rained far 
 farhondla. 
 
 Un duch sin de socha net so schlim os se wora far 
 yohra tzurick. Mindsht du nuch we de grossa hoops 
 in fashion cooma sin? Ei, wos shondloshiche socha 
 wora sell! Ae hoop-skirt un x brader hussa-lotz wore oil 
 os in ae karicha sitz hut kenna. Un selly wora nuch net ous 
 shtile bis der bussel ei-cooma is. Mindsht du nuch we ols 
 de weipsleit room g'luffa sin un en ga-pulshter noach 
 g'shlaifed we en yarich kolb? No hen se sich gor nimmy
 
 l82 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 setza kenna. Sell wore awver de tzeit woo ols usht ae sidener 
 frock in der valley wore, un der mon os en guldeny watch 
 ga-drawga hut wore reich g'haesa. Won mer on en infair 
 gonga is hut mere der nia fraw en bresent g'mauched fun 
 ma hame-gamauchta dish-dooch odder en blechene shissel. 
 Es naixt wore chinaware, un now waerdt mer shep aw-ga- 
 gooked won mer net en shtick silver bringt. 
 
 Awver ich bin shier gor fun minera subject cooma. Ich 
 hob g'sawd ich wet uff shtyles shriva, un won ich draw 
 denk sin de monsleit usht so narrish os de weipsleit. Em 
 ledshta yohr wore's shtyle en kartzer ivver-ruck wara des 
 yohr en longer. Ledsht yohr hen oil de menner en cady hoot 
 g'wora des yohr en ei-gadubbleder hoot mit ma braida 
 roneft. Ae yohr sin de hussa eng un es naixt wide, ae yohr 
 shtaena de kollar uff un es naixt yohr lia se ivver, ae yohr de 
 jacket hoach un es naixt yohr nidder. Es same ding is by 
 da weipsleit. Ae yohr hen se feddera uff da heet un es naixt 
 yohr blooma, as yohr hen se lose armel un es naixt yohr 
 tighta, ae yohr waera se era gons long un es naixt yohr 
 kortz, un wos se shunsht farwexla daref mer net derfun 
 schwetza awver mer findt's ous won's bill ei-coomed. 
 
 Un farwass sin de soocha? Well, es sin olsfart en cer- 
 tain lot norra oonich so feel menscha un wile's en oldt 
 shprich-wordt is os "ae norr maucht en hoonert," don nembts 
 net long biss oil de weldt narrich is except soiche os ken 
 geld hen un selly sin holver narrich wile se net aw noach 
 maucha kenna. 
 
 Ich bin der onner owet funs Hullerhecka hame un wore 
 awenich im boox, don hov ich de Becky Bixler aw ga-druffa. 
 Se hut mich g'frogt far mit gae un en fremmer mon hara uff 
 temperance schwetza. Ich hob mich hinna in de karrich 
 g'setzed un gli hov ich ebber hara awfonga blowdera. Ich 
 hob es arsht g'maned es ware outside, bis endlich hov ich 
 ous g'funna os es der mon is os de lecture gevva hut sulla, 
 awver ich het usht so goot in der bush nei ga-gooked. Es 
 wora oil weipsleit far mere un yader hut en hoot aw g'hot 
 about en yord brade un dri foos hoach. Shtyle? Of course,
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 183 
 
 awver ich hob usht gadenked won oil de weipsleit holver so 
 feel grish-dadoom im hartz hetta os feddera uff da heet don 
 breicht nemond mae shtarva far in der himmel gae. 
 
 Of course, won oil de leit wara we ich un de Polly don 
 daida feel hondwaricksleit farhungera. De millners mista 
 ons brode-bocka, de dress-makers ons wesha, de Schneider 
 ons huls hocka un de onera blude-soockler ons misht shpraya. 
 Ae soot glaeder far olla dawg im yohr, en warmer uffa, en 
 waich bed, en leeve fraw un en schwartze buddle oonich em 
 kee droke is my harlichkeit bis in de avichkeit aw-men. 
 
 EN JURY-MON. 
 
 DE ledsht wuch wore ich in der shtodt un hob uff der 
 jury g'hucked. Es is mere so holver fore cooma os won ich 
 now aw g'saena ware os anes fun da hawpt menner im 
 county, nuch gor en gentlemon, far sel is wos der lawyer 
 ivver un ivver bahawbt hut we are si speech ga-maucht 
 hut "gentlemon uff der jury" hut are mainer os en dutzent 
 mohl g'sawt un olla mohl hut are mere grawd ins g'sicht ni 
 ga-gooked, un sel broofts os are mich selver considered hut 
 ols der hawbt gentlemon. 
 
 Un won ich's aw selver sawga muss, won mer des ding 
 considered bin ich aw entitled tsu'm nawma gentlemon. 
 Wos is en gentlemon, anyhow? Ei, en mon os wase we 
 mer si laeva maucht oony hardt shoffa. Aner os shoft we 
 der awrem Johnny Honnabarger is yusht en commoner 
 dawg-lenner. Der Hullerheck is en wasrdt awver ken gen- 
 tlemon. Der Billy Bifflemoyer doot olla sort bisniss aw- 
 driva gile hondla, hinkle peddla, un onner soch, un doh- 
 room is are aw ken gentlemon. We es is mit em Porra 
 Mohler wase ich shier net, far are mus evva tsu sinera kar- 
 richa bisniss tenda far en laeva maucha, un es dinked mich 
 are is yusht ane.s fun da wucha-dawgs gentlemenner un 
 Soondawgs dawg-lenner, wile are si laeva fardeened Soon- 
 dawgs won onner leit in de karrich gaena.
 
 184 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Awver ich bin der ainsicht mon os nee nix shoft far si 
 laeva fardeena. De Polly agened es house, un de koo, un 
 dri ocker lond, un hut nuch oil's arbshoft geld uff indressa 
 os se fun eram dawdy greeked hut, un se gait uftmohls in 
 de shtodt uff der marrick un farkawft booder, oyer, schnitz, 
 shtinkkase, boona un shier anich ebbes os se raisa con, un 
 se maucht unser laeva, un ich hob gor ken bodderation wsega 
 shoffa, odder bisniss, un hob blendy tzeit far ons Hullehecka 
 uff der borch hucka un worda bis ols anes fun da polititioner 
 ous der shtodt rous coomed un setzed de "jiggers" uff, un 
 don nem ich's ols shtrait ous der schwartza buddle. Doh- 
 room bin ich der gentlemon fum barrick. Ken wooner os 
 se mich uff de jury ga-doo hen, un ken wooner os seller 
 lawyer mere ols grawd in de awga ni ga-gooked hut olla 
 mohl os are "gentlemon uff der jury" g'sawt hut. 
 
 Sel wor aw en ordliche goode case os se ga-broveered 
 hen. So we ich es farshtonna hob wor der defender en karl 
 fun Doodletown un se hen ne ga-dite far a pawr shtraifiche 
 hussa shtaela. Der shtate lawyer hut en shpeech ga-maucht, 
 und dri tzeiga uff ga-roofa, ainer noach em onnera, un yader 
 hut en beevel aid schwaera missa os are de woreheit sawgt, 
 un yader hut g'schwora os are es g'ssena hut we der de- 
 fender de hussa g'shtola hut. Well, derno hut der onner 
 lawyer en shpeech ga-maucht, un are hut fier tzeiga uff 
 ga-roofa oil Doodletowner, un yaders hut g'shwora os are 
 der defender net g'saena hut de hussa shtsela. Don hen de 
 lawyer widder shpeecha ga-maucht un hen uftmohls der 
 gentlemon uff der jury ga-nenned, un sell, we g'sawt, wor 
 wos mer en allusion haist tsu mere selver. Don hut der 
 judge aw si soch g'sawt un hut aw net der gentlemon uff 
 der jury fargessa, un hut uns tsu farshtae gevva os mere 
 des ding decida setta according tsu'm g'wicht fum evidence. 
 Well, we mer by-nonner wora wore de question we mere des 
 ding decida. Dri tzeiga hen g'shwora os se der defender 
 sana hen de hussa shtsela, un fiera hen g'shwora os se gor 
 nix so g'saena hen, un wile fier tzeiga besser sin os dri, hen 
 mere decide according tsu'm g'wicht fum evidence un hen
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 185 
 
 agreed uff "not guilty" un os der Doodletown kunshtawbler 
 de u-kushta un aw de hussa batzawla muss. Un des brooft 
 os mer sich aw uff en jury f arlussa con won anyhow anes fun 
 ena en gentlemen is. 
 
 POLITICS UN DE KARRICHA. 
 
 ICH un de Polly sin der onner owet nivver ons Billy 
 Bixler's un we mere wile dart wora is de subject fun politics 
 uff cooma. Der Billy hut behawbt es kent nemond mae arlich 
 si os in politics gaed, un sell hut de subject uff ga-brucht. 
 "Was maucht politicioner u-arlich?" De Polly hut druff 
 insist os de leit wara nimmy so arlich os se ols wora un sell 
 ware de shult os nemond mae in office gadoo kent wara os 
 arlich is. Em Bixler si fraw hut ga-maned es ware wile mae 
 tsu shtaela ware now os es ols gawest ware, un de Billy hut 
 der nawgle centre uff der kup ga-druffa we are g'sawd hut 
 os de leit daida de politicioner u-arlich maucha. 
 
 Ich hob g'sawd, du bisht recht, Billy, un de weipsleit 
 helfa de bisniss do. Se sin shlimmer os de monsleit far 
 leit in office farfera. Won en karrich ga-bowed si sull don 
 cooma se room mit era glaena bicher un der arsht mon 
 os se tackla far finf dawler is der mon woo house is far 
 office, un won are's net grawd nunner chalked don sawga 
 se are ware tsu geitzich un won se en shtim hetta don daid 
 are se gawiss net greega. Era mon haerd des, un wile are 
 shunt glawbed os der kondadawt en arlicher mon is, won's 
 on de 'leckshon gaed don shtimmed are far der karl woo 
 sinera fraw finf dawler uffs bichley hut, un won are wase 
 os der same karl nix gebt tsu goode socha except won are 
 house is far office. Der arlich kondadawt saed des, un es 
 naixt mohl os are rous coomed far office don maucht are 
 si mind uff os mer divel ferchta muss mit fire, un are 
 shpend oil es geld os are hut un won are elect is don muss 
 are shtaala far ?eva cooma. 
 
 Ich wore em ledsht shpote-yohr onera karricha fair. 
 Es wore usht in der campaign. Es wora about en dutz-
 
 l86 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 ent kondadawda dart un so feel geld hov ich in longe 
 yohra net g'saena. Oil de kinner sin ga-treat worra tsu 
 ice-cream un koocha. Se hen g'fressa bis se shier far- 
 shprunga sin un de helft fun ena wora gronk der naixt 
 dawg. Yader kondadawt hut es mensht gelt nows do 
 wella, un de weipsleit sin um se room we micka um en 
 malossich barl. Derno hen se neck-ties farkawfed 
 Yader neck-tie hut der nawma fun ma weips-mensch druff 
 g'hot un sell weipsmensch wore em mon si pardner woo 
 era necktie ga-kawft hut. Es hut dale boomer-awlish goot 
 g'suit un dale wora no net so goot ga-bleased. De Sail 
 Yudder, woo shunt dri hoof-eisa farlora hut, hut der Porra 
 Mohler greeked ; de Ann Hetzel, woo in eram laeva ken 
 beau g'hot hut un is so grawd os en doter bobla baum fun 
 da fees bis on der bawrd, hut der Mike Boomer greeked 
 woo dri-un-ochtzich tzoll um de hifta messed un sex tzoll 
 um der kup. Der P. Morton Gunsallus, woo si nawma un 
 si hore in der mit fun nunner daled un wared en kollar so 
 hoach os are net drivver nows shpoutsa con, hut de Betz 
 Bifflemoyer greeked woo so centre uff der mit fun era fees 
 shtaid os du net sawga consht wella wake os se gonga is 
 won du era g'shpoor im schnse ssesht ; un so wore's en gen- 
 eral case fun "misfit" der gonsa wake dorrich. Dale leit 
 hen en holva dawler wasrdt tzooker un rawm gevva un hen 
 derno en holva dawler wserdt ice-cream g'fressa. Es hut 
 se derno nuch en holva ga-kusht far en loxeering greega 
 fum duckter far se widder g'sunt maucha. Es hut mich 
 ga-mawned os won mer sht?e uff en worref-showfel laisa 
 daid un daid se derno uff der shoop-korrich lara. Awver 
 es wore ae wake far geld maucha. un ebs letz wore odder 
 recht, se hen ganunk greeked far en silverny bowl un tumb- 
 ler kawfa far's nocht mohl ous daila. Anes fun da karl 
 woo's mensht geld gevva hut is elect worra tzu'm legisla- 
 ture un hut ga-nunk u-garecht geld ei-gnumma far a 
 pawr karricha bowa, awver sidder os are's hut doona de 
 karricha fairs ene net boddera bis are widder lawfed.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 187 
 
 Dohare sawg ich unser public officers sin usht wos 
 mere se maucha. En arlicher mon os ebbes um si ade 
 gebt muss eder ous politics bliva odder sich aweck 
 holdta fun da leit, far won are tsu olles gebt os are g'frogt 
 waerdt don muss are shtsela far seva cooma, un won are 
 nix gebt don sin si chances far elect wara about so goot 
 os meim glaena hoondly sine far in der himmel cooma. 
 
 ICH WUTT OS ICH EN BOWER WARE. 
 
 Ich wut os ich en bower ware, 
 
 Un het en boweri; 
 Het shaene gile un fette kee 
 
 Un schwartze naeger si. 
 
 DES is es leedle os der karl singt woo em bower de oxel 
 shtriched won are en office will, awver ich hob nuch fun kem 
 lawyer, odder porra, odder drooker, odder ducter g'hared os 
 en henker nootz wore os net tsu sinera profession g'shtucka 
 hut. Se sawga mere der bower is en independender mon. 
 Are is. Es doot nemond opposition runna tsu erne, un are 
 hut olsfart ganunk tsu essa wons usht lodwarrick-brode 
 un sida flaish is. 
 
 Em ledshta shpote yohr is so en holb-gabockner lawyer 
 room gonga shpeeches maucha un endlich is are on der 
 Hawsa Barrick cooma woo shunt en monicher karl wedder 
 galuffa is. Des barshtly hut oil de shaena socha g'sawd 
 wsega da bowera os are g'wist hut, un endlich is are uff se 
 gadraid un hut g'sawd : 
 
 "Oh, ere leeva bowera. We garn daid ich my bisniss 
 uff gevva, doh runner cooma, en lut kawfa un en house druff 
 bowa un by eich Iseva ! De good, frish, barrick loof t ; des 
 sees wasser, de braida ocker un reich lond! Dere wist 
 net wos dere het. Awver mere professional leit laeva uff wos 
 mere fun eich greega wos dere net essa kent. Missa 
 ei-g'shpart si es gons yohr room. Unser laeva is far-kartzed 
 un unser frei-heit farbunna, un duch winch ich eich olles.
 
 1 88 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Unser pardy maucht eir condition nuch besser won der ols 
 usht recht-shoffa far se shtimmed." 
 
 Are ware nuch welder gonga, awer der Billy Bixler is 
 uff ga-jumped un hut awfonga nei blowdera. 
 
 "Ich gleich belly-guts" (taffy), hut are g'sawd, "uff ma 
 shtecka, awer wons amohl uff'ra worreff-showfel coomend 
 don, by-chudes, mauchts mich kutsa. Du sawgsht du 
 daidsht garn doh runner cooma un by uns woona. Es kusht 
 dich nix. Der Mike Ditzel gebt dere en lut far en holva 
 dawler, un du konsht dere en house druff bowa mit da felsa 
 os druff sin. Es wasser un de luft is fry, awer du konsht 
 net im bed lia morgets bis tzae uhr we du da hame doosht, un 
 uns derno finf dawler charga won mer dich usht en question 
 froga." 
 
 Es hut es barshtly g'shtoomped. Are hut si hols ous 
 ga-butsed, g'shpoutsed un a pawr mohl g'hooshed eb are 
 widder si wind greeked hut ; awer are is nuch net gatzoga un 
 ich denk aw net os are doot. De fact is, es sin gons 
 pawr leit os in eram laeva net uff ra boweri ga-wooned hen 
 os wissa was es maened. 
 
 Nem amohl der bower's boo. Summers shoft are fun 
 soon-uff bis soon-unner. Soondawgs gait are in de karrich 
 mit sina rowa glaider, un waerdt harley aw-ga-gooked by da 
 shtettle leit. Shpote-yohrs gaed are bawr-feesich bis de rifa 
 cooma un won are free nows g'shecked wserdt-far de gile 
 hola don yawked are se uff un shpringt nu hordich onna woo 
 se ga-lsega hen far si fees waerma. Wons welshkarn boshta 
 awfongt don muss are nows won de dawg's helling brecht un 
 en welshkarn shock um der hols greega, en um-rasla un 
 derno im lawb sitza un boshta bis are shiddled os we en 
 oshbla lawb. Won endlich de arawet aweck is os are in de 
 shool coomed don sin de onera kinner shunt om multiplica- 
 tion table farby, un are muss ni shtarta un broveera uff f onga 
 odder dunner-hawgelse shlake nemma. De pawr wocha os 
 are in der shool hut fleega os we dowva, bis de soon widder 
 ivver der hivvel ruff coomed un derno gaeds ons soomer huls 
 hocka, un won sell fardich is is der soomer widder doh. Der
 
 FUM BOONASTIElv. 189 
 
 boo woxed uff mit rowe hend os are net wase we farsheckla 
 won are in coombany coomed, es based "are is nix os en 
 bower's boo," un de maid gooka ivver ene nows far en mon 
 un henka sich on en counter-hoopser. Awer es hut olsfart 
 dale maid os farshtond hen, un endlich hired are aney os si 
 gleiches is net farleicht wile se ene will awer wile de coun- 
 ter-hoopser net room longa, un derno is de same oldt shtory 
 widder ivver ga-maucht. 
 
 Des is de dunkle side fum bower. Es is aw anonnery 
 side tsu sime laeva, un se wake far on sell cooma is sich ous 
 shulda holdta. Des is ols ebmohls hardt tsu do, awer dri 
 dowsend dawler laena on sex per cent, frest sex dowsend 
 dawler uff os usht dri per cent, ei bringt. un en mon os hardt 
 shoft dorrich der dawg un con net shlofa nochts far shulda 
 brendt es licht on da tswae enner, un won are even lavendich 
 dorrich coomed don wase are net wos laeva is bis are tsu oldt 
 is fars enjoya. 
 
 Shoolda shpraya giles-hore ins bed. Ich wet liever 
 unich ma doch shlofa os full lecher is os unich ame os mit 
 ma mortgage blanket tsu gadect is mer hut duch rhue wons 
 net raegered. Oil os mer hut in dara weldt is en decent 
 glade, ganunk tsu essa, en fry hartz un ols ebmohl en glaener 
 schnopps. Des is es ledsht mohl os mere den wake gaena, 
 un mer nemts besser grawd we's coomed wons shunt net so 
 harlich gait. Won du en boo husht os mae farshtont hut 
 os laming don shick ene in de shool. Won are en shtoom- 
 bich nilond blooga con mit tswa blinde gile oony floocha, don 
 luss en^e schdoodeera far en porra ; won are en boomerawe- 
 lishe leek fartzaele con oony shlooka, don mauch en lawyer 
 ouse eme ; won are dri beck groombeera uff-fossa con so os 
 se gooka we en bushel, don do ene in en shtore : won are kot- 
 za-gichtera cura con mit shpeel-wasser, don kawf eme en di- 
 ploma far ductera, un won are en mon glawva con maucha 
 os are feel mae use ware tsu sinera famillia won are sich 
 henka daid, don luss ene in de life insurance bisniss gae. 
 
 Awver shick de boova in de shool un luss se net shtuppa 
 om rechla, lassa un shriva. Luss se olles larna fun der ordt 
 
 13
 
 190 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 woo uns oil en laeva gebt. Luss de onera ousfinna eb der 
 moond fun kase gamauched is se greega anyhow ken 
 shtick. 
 
 So doh is en pull ous der schwartza huddle tzoom 
 bower, woo uns oil feedered; far gook amohl he, 
 
 Wons net far unser bower ware, 
 
 Wos ware don unser morrick? 
 Mer hetta nix tsu fressa mae 
 
 Un sell ware gons tsu orrick ! 
 
 De bowera bringa olles bei, 
 Doh brauch mer gor net grivvela ; 
 
 Se bringa grose un glaene si, 
 Aw grose un glsene tswivvela. 
 
 Now uff der morrick geb du ocht, 
 Won'd flaish wid far tsu kucha 
 
 Es wore nuch nee ken ux ga-schlocht 
 Os flaish hut ooney knucha. 
 
 Dart sin aw fish uff sellem dish, 
 
 Wond wid don konsht se hola. 
 De dick-kepp sin de kotza-fish, 
 
 De longa sin de ohla. 
 
 Un levver-warsht, gook usht we feel ! 
 
 Of course, sell con mer denka. 
 Un won mer levver hovva will 
 
 Don lust mer brode-warsht henka. 
 
 S'e bringa ebbel, boona, schnitz, 
 
 Un sell kusht aw de senda. 
 Shoolder, shoonka, un aw flitch 
 
 Doh con mer's geld gli shpenda. 
 
 Se hen aw hinkle, enda, gense, 
 Dale dote un dale lavendich. 
 Dale sin garupt bis on de schwentz, 
 Sell coomed em orrick hendich.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. IQI 
 
 Om end is geld des foondament, 
 "In God We Trust" hut's belt. 
 . En dawler is en hoonert cent 
 Dare Regeneered De Weldt! 
 
 Un sell broofed os der oldt Porra Frees fun sina oyer 
 wore we are g'sawd hut : "Geldt regeneered de weldt un 
 doomheit Brush Valley." 
 
 DER "CHRISTIAN SCIENCE" DUCKTER. 
 
 D oldt Beckie Moll muss shtarva un doh is gor nix 
 onersht, sawgt der long-banich duckter. De oldt Beckie 
 wore en gadrie oldte mommy un hut elf kinner uff gatzoga. 
 Era gons laeva wore uff g'numma in goodes do. Dorrich 
 de woch hut se nine kee olla morga un owet g'mulka, es 
 g'scharr g'wesha, de kinner aw-gadoo, ga-kuched, booder 
 g'shtosa un ga-wesha, un ols nuch im feldt g'shoft won de 
 hend rawr wora. Soondawgs is se free uff, era arawet 
 aweck un by nine uhr hut se de gons house-holding ready 
 g'hot far in de karrich. Era mon hut g'sawd are het en 
 hoonert maid dinka kenna eb are aney greega het kenna os 
 so feel g'shoft het fars same geld. Se hut tsu der Allgamina 
 karrich ga-kared un hut net usht arlae oil era kinner in de 
 unnericht g'shicked un se laerna bada awver hut olsfart olla 
 owet era ageny gabadelin g'sawd os se in era kindheit ga- 
 Iserned hut. In kortze worda, se wore en rechtshoffne oldte 
 mommy un hut in eram Iseva nemond nix in der wake ga- 
 laiked. Era kinner sin uff ga-woxa un sich farhired anes 
 noach em onera dale sin weit fardt gatzoga un se hut se 
 ols ebmohls net g'saena far en gons yohr. Endlich hut anes 
 fun da maid en yunger mon g'hired os g'maned hut are 
 ware garoofa far en porra. Net os are anicher farshtond 
 ivverich hut g'hot, awver wile are en grose mowl hut g'hot 
 un hut g'maned ansich ebbes os are schwetza daid ware 
 aw-ganame by da leit wile are fun Gut g'shicked ware. Si 
 breddicha hut awver net ous ga-panned we are g'mained 
 hut un derno is are ons bicher peddla. We sell erne g'faled
 
 IQ2 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 hut is are ons linament druppa maucha un hut se room ga- 
 peddled, un we sell ous g'shpeeled wore is are by-em- 
 grommy-note nows g'shtart ols en Christian Science odder 
 "faith cure" duckter, un dare keyune.doot now de oldt Beckie 
 drockdeera olla dawg mit sina norrheita un will se glawva 
 maucha os era ubarem-hartzicha schmartza fun da rheu- 
 matix wara oil in era ga-donka, un won se recht hartzhoftich 
 baida daid don daida se noach lussa un se daid widder so 
 yung wara os en fill. Are sawgt era os oil duckter era shtuft 
 ware divel shtraich, un se daid sich farsindicha olla mohl os 
 se derfun nemma daid. Are hut de oldt fraw olles farkulla- 
 beered wile se so holver in ene glawbt un mained se ware 
 ken grisht wile Gut era net helfa daid. 
 
 Now sawg mere amohl wos set mer mit so ma 
 farflompta kolb do? Are laesed der Mrs. Eddie era booch 
 un hut en ondwardt far yada mon woo opposed is tsu sinera 
 cure. Der onner dawg is en bluck em Sam Seeshuls ivver's 
 bae ga-rulled un se hen g'maned es ware farbrucha. Se 
 hen g'shicked far der duckter, awver eb are cooma is is dare 
 "faith cure" karl dertzoo cooma un hut em Sam g'sawd are 
 kent erne si farbrucha bas widder tzomma bada, un, behold 
 you, we der duckter cooma is un hut g'sawd es foe ware net 
 farbrucha hut dare karl bahawbt os si gabade hets gons 
 g'maucht. A pawr dawg dernoach wore en kind om bar- 
 rick gronk mit dipseria, un dare ketzer hut on eme gabade bis 
 es dote wore un hut derno g'sawd es ware Guttes willa. 
 
 Des is de condition om barrick. Es wore ols g'west os 
 yada nuchbershoft oil ae wake gadenkt hut. In fact, es 
 wora usht tswae sorta Effingalium Luderish un Dema- 
 grawdish. Now hut yada mench si agener grishtliche 
 glawva, un kens glawbed os es onner in der himmel coomed 
 wile se net gleicha glawva hen. A pawr yohr tzurick hut 
 der Porra Mohler ga-breddiched os en kind os sex shtoond 
 oldt ware wons net gadawfed ware daid in de hell gae, un 
 em ledshta Soondawg hut are g'sawd are ware net g'satisfied 
 in sime mind os en hell ware. Es sin ocht-un-tswonsich 
 g'msena now om barrick, un oil tzomma gadoo kent ken ae
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 193 
 
 gooder porra enara. De porra breddicha waega der grossa 
 leeb unich de grishtlicha leit un hinna on da karricha shtecka 
 de bixa tsu da fenshtera nows far nuch-anonner sheesa. 
 Yader ebber hut si agener rigel-wake nuch em himmel un 
 yader ebber maned der onner earned net onna won are net 
 uff sina kars fawred. Ich hob der onner dawg mit em 
 Sammy Sensawetzer g'schwetzed. Are hut mere g'sawd os 
 are un si fraw, de Melinda, hetta ae karrich gons by sich 
 selver, un sell ware de ansich karrich os em far sure nuch 
 em himmel nemma daid. "Un," hut are g'sawd, "Ich glawb 
 in meim sin won de Melinda sich net bakared don con even 
 se net mit mere in dere himmel !" 
 
 De fact is, es ansicht hondwarrick os heidich- 
 dawgs batzawlt is bolidix, un de menshta fun da boliti- 
 cianer enara sich mit shtaela. In fact, se missa shtaela, far 
 es is net boll os en office ga-nunk arlicher loo in sich hut far 
 de expenses fun der leckshon batzawla. Awver de tzeit far 
 karricha bowa is wons feel kondadawta hut. Mere doona 
 olsfart de kondadawta tzae dawler 'sessa won se on der bar- 
 rick cooma far votes greega. A pawr yohr tzurick wora 
 ninetzae kondadawta im feldt. Mere hen ous g'maucht sell 
 daid uns ae hunnert un ninetzich dawler netta un mere sin 
 ons karrich uff fixa uff gredit. Olla bugger hut tzaea dawler 
 g'shrivva un kenner huts batzawled. De karrich waerdt 
 now farkawfed by em shreef. 
 
 Drum sawg ich won mer heit en dawler hut don 
 maucht mer der divel donsa. Grishdendoom waerdt g'messa 
 by em hoonert cent. Won en mon blendy geld hut un gebts 
 don saened de g'mae shunt de fluss-federa fun sina fliggel, un 
 won are nix gebt don reecha se gli shwevvel. 
 
 Ich un de Polly hen unser mind uff g'maucht os shtuppa 
 letz do un aw-fonga recht do is de groond-arawet fun 
 olla garechtichkeit. Ware recht doot denkt recht. Nemond 
 con letz denka un recht do. En keyune is en keyune un 
 derno mauchts nix ous eb are en fore-shtayer in der karrich 
 is odder en hostler in ma livery-shtoll.
 
 194 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 DE WEIPSLEIT IN POLITICS. 
 
 ICH hob mich by gromma-note shier dote galocht doh 
 om Barrick der onner owet. Mere hen shunt long g'wart far 
 de campaign tsu shtarta so os es ebbes tsu drinka gebt, un 
 endlich hut der Mike Hetzel, der Demagrawdish chairman, 
 en meeting garoofa far de issue fun der campaign considera. 
 Are hut notices nows g'shicked tsu oil da Demagrawda far 
 by-woona ons Hullerhecka wartzhouse, un far es ding inder- 
 esting maucha hut are aw en invitation g'shicked tsu em 
 Bryan. Es hut nemond gaglavvbed os are coomed un duch 
 sin feel cooma far ene ssena, un se hen en goode attendance 
 g'hot. Ich bin, of course, ken Demagrawd, awver wile ich 
 anes fum Hullerheck sina beshta customers bin hen se mich 
 net wole nows oddera kenna. 
 
 Der Chairman Hetzel hut de meeting tsu odder ga- 
 roofa, un hut bakont gamaucht os de object ware far 
 awenich fire in de campaign tsu do. Dos won net boll de 
 kondadawta by-woona daida un de socha awenich uff 
 shtarra don daida de leit net ous-finna os en leckshon ware 
 un olles gingt tsu groond. 
 
 Es wora edliche weipsleit dart. Was se hen wella hut 
 nemond gawist awver se hens gli ous-g'funna, far we de 
 bisniss recht awgonga is hen se oil es schwetza do wella. 
 De Beckie Kissinger hut es shpeecha do sulla. Se is en 
 oldt maidel, hut longe gruller, is so roonslich os en 
 groombeer os fardich is kima, un is nuch uff eram fartzich- 
 yohr hoond far en mon. Der Porra Mohler wore aw dart. 
 Se hen en temperance society ga-represent un hen grawd 
 awfonga bobla waega canteens. Der Billy Bixler is rouse 
 g'fora un hut se g'frogt wos bolidix tsu do het mit can- 
 teens. De "schwartz huddle" is der issue. En canteen, 
 hut are g'sawd, ware en ding ous huls g'maucht, ware 
 rhode awg'shtricha un daid gooka we en glaene droom ; 
 het en shtrap os mer ivver de oxel henked un daid wasser 
 ins arn-feldt drawga. De naixt minnutt wore de gons 
 congregation fun weipsleit om Billy g'hunka we weshpa.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. IQ5 
 
 Der Billy hut g'sawd de Beckie ware en monsleit narrishe 
 oldte hex, un de Beckie hut g' sawed der Billie ware en 
 sowf-loadle. Endlich is es tsu hradt cooma far de Beckie 
 un se hut awfonga hila. Se hut g'sawd es daid nemond 
 se mae lieva, un we der Porra Mohler (woo now widmon 
 is) era g'sawd hut os es ware nuch aner os se lieva daid, 
 hut se uff ga-gooked, ene by der hond g'numma un hut 
 g'sawd : 
 
 "Is es con ich ene nawma?" 
 
 "Yaw," hut der Porra g'sawd; "Es is nuch aner os 
 dich leebed ! Dare leebed dich bis in der dode." 
 
 "Oh, we leeblich ! We leeblich ! Ich hob duch shunt 
 so long ga-wort. Farwass husht du mich's net aner wissa 
 lussa?" 
 
 "Du farshtsesht mich net, my leeve schweshter. Der 
 leeb Gut is di gooder friend are leebed oil si kinner." 
 
 De Beckie is umechtich worra un de canteen pardy 
 is gli ous ga-tzoga. Der Chairman Hetzel hut derno 
 g'sawd es ware tzeit far de regular odder fun bisniss 
 resuma un es arsht ware en platform manefactera. 
 
 Der Bill Mickelroyer hut suggest os are het nuch a pawr 
 wise-bind in sime eckbush os are on de meel fora daid won 
 der oldt Sammy Sendaptezer se ssega daid far de platform 
 bowa. Em Mike Sheeshuls si Sam woo usht hame cooma 
 is fun der college hut awfonga so u-farshtenich locha os se 
 oil ga-grisha hen, "Rouse mit erne, rouse mit erne," un 
 rouse is are gonga kups-fedtersht tsu der deer nows. 
 Der Mike Hawnayarrick hut g'sawt are het ken huls far in 
 de platform do, awver si boo woo shool holdt het erne 
 hame g'shrivva wos se uff anes fun da blonka shriva sella, 
 un des wore: 
 
 "Resolved, We believe in annexation, anticipation, 
 emancipation, reformation, adulteration, contamination 
 and all other prognostications as applied to Portorickaty by 
 the Filipeanuts and descriptioned in the Monroe Doctrine 
 by Christopher Columbus when he writ the Ten Commence-
 
 196 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 ments on a slate and which are embodied in the Chicago 
 platform." 
 
 Se hen de resolution adopt oony discussion. 
 
 Der Sam Sensawetzer hut g'sawd are daid garn en 
 dri-tzoll blonk offera wsega da Fillipeanut Islands, un hut 
 g'shtate os are het sich in sime Iseve net sot groondniss 
 gessa un won mere sell lond hetta don daida de groondniss 
 blendy wara. Sell farshtate sich. 
 
 Resolution adopted. 
 
 Der Solly Sullekupper, woo si awrem farlora hut on 
 Antietam un is en "war democrat," hut suggest se daida en 
 blonk in de platform os laesa daid : 
 
 "GOD BLESS THE OLD FLAG." 
 
 Awver der Chairman hut ene ous ga- ruled un hut g'sawd 
 sell ware Republican doctrine, daid tsu feel sounda we "im- 
 perialism" un mecht farleicht em George Washington 
 Aguinaldo wae do. 
 
 Endlich hen se era platform fardich greeked, awver net 
 bis se part fun der convention nows g'shicked hen far blonka 
 soocha so os de onera shoffa hen kenna. Ich hob se g'frogt 
 far en copy far dere shicka far in di tzeidung do, awver se 
 hen g'sawd du daidsht anyhow usht g'shposs der fun ena 
 maucha. Awver ich hob g'sawd nae, shicks em Kernel un 
 are hiled sich de awga tsoo ivver so farflompte norr-heita. 
 
 DER MON WOO REICH-AWREM IS. 
 
 EM Dunershdawg en woch hen mere der oldt Mike 
 Blotner fargrawva. Ich sawg fargrawva grawd wos ich 
 mane es fee doot mer fargrawva un der manesch doot mer 
 ba-grawva. By sellem mane ich os are en oldter gowl wore. 
 
 Der Mike wore der reichsht mon uff wide un brade 
 are hut feel geld un lond g'hot awver gons pawr friend. 
 Ich hob ene gakent fun kind uff un are hut awfonga geitza 
 eb are recht lawfa hut kenna. Are wore der geitzicht un 
 u-fargoonshicht mensch os ich in mein dawg-and-des-
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 197 
 
 laeves g'saena hob. Es hut g'seemed os olles os are g'essa 
 hut hut ene g'shpite, un we mere in de shool gonga sin hut 
 are ols si glae kesselly in en eck g'numma os nemond ene 
 g'saena hut un gessa so shtill os en mouse. 
 
 Es Blotners hen ols de shaenshta ebbel g'hot in der 
 gonsa nuchbershoft, un ich mind nuch os der Mike ols 
 poond ebbel so grose os en blech en gonser dawg im hussa 
 sock noach ga-dra\vga hut un owets se widder mit hame 
 usht wile are se net selver fressa hut kenna un wore tsu 
 u-goonich se tsu uns boova gevva. Won mere bolla 
 g'shpeeled hen wore are uff der fense g'hucked un uns tzoo 
 ga-gooked. Are hut g'sawd bolla shpeela ware usht far 
 shoe farrisa. We are boll dreisich yohr oldt wore hut are 
 de Mary Mulbarger g'hired far era geld. Are hut der 
 porra batzawled mit dri poond schnitz. Se hut tswse bow- 
 eria g'hot un are aney os are tzomma ga-geitzed hut g'hot, 
 un derno is es geitza recht awgonga. Morgets sin se uff 
 eb de hawna ga-grayed hen un won mer ols ins feldt sin 
 hut are shunt en holb dutzent forricha um en sex-ocker 
 feldt room ga-blooked g'hot. Won se shoff leit hen g'hot 
 hut are se ga-drivva we asel, un middawgs se uff sida- 
 shpeck g'feedered bis se boll nemond mae greege hen kenna 
 far shoffa. un en monich ocker wsetza is uff "em budda far- 
 fowled wile se ken arns-leit greega hen kenna far's ob- 
 maucha. Tswae si hen se in flaish un fet g'holda far en 
 gons yohr, un derno hen se de helft tzeit de shoonka far- 
 kawft. Era budder hen se farsolsa wile sols usht en fardle 
 cent es poond wore, bis de shtore-keeper refused hen ene 
 tsu nemma, un gaega em ledshta won ols de oldt fraw in 
 der shtore cooma is sin de glarrick hinnich de counter un 
 shtore boxa g'shlooped so os se net uff se worda hen 
 breicha. Es is nemond gonga se b'soocha, un der ansicht 
 blotz os se ebber g'hot hen os by ena g'sitzed hut far en 
 shtoond wore in der karrich. Sell wore der welfelsht blotz 
 os se he hen kenna era grishdendoom hut se net ivver 
 finf cent es yohr ga-kusht. Der Mike hut g'maned are 
 ware en grosser singer awver si moonsick hut g'sound uff
 
 198 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 en ordt os won en frush greisha will un hut es mowl holver 
 unich em wosser. Es hut usht so ga-cullered. We se 
 pawr yohr g'hired wora is en glsene duchter cooma un se 
 hen se Molly g'hsesa. Se hen olles far des kind gadoo os 
 nix gakusht hut even se dawfa lussa so os es aw in der 
 himmel coomed wile sell aw nix kushta sull. We de fraw 
 dri-un-sechtzich yohr oldt wore is se g'shtarva dote 
 g'shoft un der Mike hut declared are daid in sime lasva 
 nimme hira wile leichta tsu feel kushta daida. De duchter 
 hut derno house g'holdta far der oldt mon un are hut ken 
 boo naixt cooma lussa far se karraseera un se is uff ga- 
 woxa so doom os es fee woo se mit ga-sociate hut. Se is 
 now dreisich yohr oldt, so din os en rigle un so weesht os 
 en shtawga fense. We der oldt mon g'shpeered hut os es 
 nuch em end tsu gaed hut are era erlawbt far coombany 
 holdta. Are hut se even encouraged far hira wile are garn 
 g'hot het os dare grose reichdom in der familia g'holdta 
 daid wara. De boova sin cooma, awver, somehow, kenner 
 hut holdt g'numma. We en farrell os oonich ma bluck 
 rous coomed un greeked en hoy-shreck os tsu long inera 
 buddle wore, se hen ols holdt ga-pocked, se awenich 
 g'shiddled un se week g'shmissa. Der Jecky Bixler, em 
 Billy si boo, hut's se nocht ga-broveered. Are hut garn em 
 oldta mon si geld g'hot awver are hut's net greega kenna 
 oony de duchter mit nemma, un des hut are net wella. Are 
 hut mere g'sawd se het on ame end fun der shtoop 
 g'hucked un are om onera. Olla mohl os are sich on se 
 maucha hut wella is es erne ivvel worra. Endlich hut se 
 g'sawd : 
 
 "On wos denksht du, Jecky?" 
 
 "On's same os du doosht, denk ich !" 
 
 "Yaw, well," hut se g'sawd, "coom mohl rivver un bro- 
 veers aw un ich shlock der f arflompt ufFs mowl !" 
 
 Sell hut em Jecky der mawga recht ga-draid un are is 
 hame eb tzaea uhr. 
 
 Well, we ich g'sawd hob, mer hen der oldt Mike far- 
 grawva. Tswae-by-sex f oos is oil es lond os are now brouch
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 199 
 
 bis are in der himmel coomed won are anyhow doot un 
 derno wet ich es arsht ding os happened doot are mit em 
 oldta Pader shtrida far so feel guld on de deera henka. 
 
 Awver em oldta Mike si laeva laerndt uns en goode les- 
 son. Es warndt uns gsega reich-awrem warra. En mensch 
 os noddeerlich awrem is enjoyed duch wos are essed. Der 
 reich-awren mon fargoond sich olles os in si mowl gait. 
 
 Du sawgsht now "Ich wase exactly ware der Gottlieb 
 maned by em Mike Blotner." Nossirree, du dusht net. 
 Won du awenich shtuddisht don consht du en holb dut- 
 zent mon rous picka os sin we der Mike, un olle one hen 
 g'sawd in eram Iseva os de weldt ware nix os druvvel un 
 kimmer. Se shtarva im yuch we der ux un gaena ins grawb 
 wee's fee. Se wora ken goot tsu der weldt odder sich sel- 
 ver, un der ansicht os noach ena frogt is der lawyer, der 
 lawda un der grawb-shtae-maucher. 
 
 ONERA KARRICHA FARE. 
 
 ICH con mer's net ivver's hartz bringa, ich muss dere 
 widder shriva. Mere hen so en grosse tzeit g'hot de ledsht 
 woch doh om Barrick os de gons nuchbershoft uff-ga-reared 
 is. Es wore en "Karricha Fare," un es hut now boom- 
 erawlishe socha gevva. Du waisht mer hen shunt long 
 druvvel g'hot mit em Porra Mohler sime loo. De g'mae cons 
 nimmy uff maucha. De gleeder sawga are is ous-ga- 
 shpeeled. Are hut shunt dri mohl si barl full breddicha 
 'esunnersht-eversht gadraid, der budda rous g'shloga un wid- 
 der unna awfonga laesa. Un es shlimsht is, are muss laesa 
 mit tswae finger. Won are usht mit ame finger noach gait 
 don farleered are sich we de Kinner Iserawl in der wald 
 un es nembt ene fartzich yohr far si wake rous finna. Are 
 breddicht uft mohls en shtoond-un-en-holb un won are far- 
 dich is don wase ken salicher mensch wos si text wore. De 
 oldta hardt-shofficha bower, woo ga-used sin olla morga on 
 fier uhr uff shtae, shlofa ei un schnorixa os de benk donsa, 
 de maid un boova shmisa shofe-awga nuch-anonner, un de
 
 2OO CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 glaena kinner schwenka de bse unich de benk, henka de kep 
 hinna uff de sitz un watcha de weshpa dreck-neshter bowa 
 in der ceiling fun der oldta karrich Se wara ere garn lose, 
 awver are wase en goot ding won are's seed. Are mauched 
 en gowlish goot ga-bade un is der besht hand-shaker os si 
 Iseva om Barrick wore. 
 
 Well, we ich g'sawd hob, se hen druvvel far si loo uff- 
 maucha, un far des hen se en "Karricha Fare" g'holda, un 
 ich un de Polly sin onna. Se hen olla sort games g'hot far 
 bensa fonga. Fish-pond, koocha weega (far saena ware's 
 naixt gessa con we schware os se sin), ludderee tickets, un 
 in fact olles es en poker game wile se so barmlichs drunna 
 sin uff korda shpeela. Awver sell wore net oil. Wos es 
 mensht druff ga-tzaeled wore far geld ei-bringa wore es 
 supper game. Se hen en hap uff g'henked un en glae luch ni 
 g'schnitta. De monsleit sin hinnich der hap g'shtonna un 
 hen era nawsa dorrich g'shtecked. Es weipsmensch woo es 
 arsht ga-gessed hut wem si naws os es is wore em mon si 
 pardner far supper woo de naws ga-agened hut. Es is olles 
 recht gonga bis der Mike Hetzel hinnich der curtain 
 g'shtepped is. Are is wid-mon un wore der drit mon. Now 
 der Alike is about der ublesseerlicht mon om gonsa barrick. 
 Are hut arem os em nunner henka bis on de wauda, en 
 kup we en kolbasht, en mowl we en karrich-hofe, fees we en 
 commale un hend we misht-hoka. Es shlimsht fun oil is, 
 are hut en wortz uff der naws so grose os en hosselniss un 
 de hut en dutzent barshta druff en holb tzoll long. We de 
 naws dorrich der hap cooma is sin de weipsleit shier umech- 
 tich worra. Un es shlimsht wore es hut kens wissa wella 
 tsu wem os des gadeer kared wile se net mit em agener der- 
 fun nuch em dish hen wella Se hen oil declared se wista net 
 wem se ware. Galoga! Haryommer! Ich hob net gawist 
 os so feel lingner om barrick sin. Un oil leega far om 
 Porra Mohler si loo raisa. Se hen oil g'saena os won net 
 ebber boll ebbes doot don gebts hoodleri. Doh wore now 
 ga-wiss amohl en mish-mosh. De Bixlery hut declared se 
 daid net mit em Mike Hetzel noach supper gae won's de
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 2OI 
 
 karrich uff-brecha daid. De Ann Biffelmoyer hut g'sawd 
 se wet liever der grtez hovva, un so hut yades g'shtritta bis 
 endlich is de Polly uff-g'shtonna un hut g'sawd : 
 
 "Im nawma Guttes, es is em 
 
 "Unnershtae dich," hov ich g'sawd, un se hut sich wid- 
 der he g'setzed. Endlich hut de Bixlery g'sawd se daid 
 moofa mere daida des game uff-gevva un mit unsera agena 
 menner noach supper gae, un se sin oil ob-g'shtart un der- 
 Mike shtae lussa mit der naws im hap, un ich denk are shtaid 
 nuch dart are is anyhow net ni cooma far supper. Mer 
 hen bout en goot supper g'hot. Mer hen en grosser welsh-, 
 hawna ga-roasht g'hot un se hen mich draw far en "carva" 
 im Pennsylfawnisha Deitscha wake un ich hob ene nows tsu 
 meim dellar, ae bse ob-g'schnidda far mich un es onner far de 
 Polly un ene derno widder tzurick g'shtelt un hob g'sawd: 
 
 "Now helft eich selver. Sell is der Pennsyl fawnish 
 Deitsch wake far om dish ob-worda." 
 
 Xoach supper hen mere en line-duch ivver de weipsleit 
 g'henked so os nemond se gakent hut, un no hen de monsleit 
 se dricka darfa far en fardle dawler. Now, du konsht 
 dere net ei-bilda we shtarrick os des em Porra Mohler 
 si loo uff-ga-maucht hut. Du waisht der Sam Seeshuls 
 is en wid-mon. Are hut shunt elf yohr nix tsu der karrich 
 gevva, un on sellem game hut are wise-der-freeda dri dawler 
 un-a-fardle ni ga-blosa. We my tzeit cooma is hov ich my 
 fardle ni ga-chipped un uff-g'shteeped far my "drick." Ich 
 hob bout en neice tzeit g'hot. Ich hob g'maned ich het de 
 Lissy Hulsopple, es shaensht maidel om barrick, .un ich hob 
 evva ga-dricked un ga-dricked ol de wile aw-ga-lust os 
 won ich net wist ware ich het bis endlich hen de leit awfonga 
 locha un ich hob g'saena os se uff meim game sin, un we ich's 
 line-duch runner hob don wore's, by-em-shinner, de Polly ! 
 
 Se hut mere usht ae gook gevva un ich feel de gons tzeit 
 sidder os won ich dorrich en longe gronket ware. 
 
 De "Fare" is gli dernoach uff-gabrucha un mere sin 
 hame, un sidder is der gons barrick uff-rearish. De oldta 
 maid woo shunt far tswonsich yohr nimrriy ga-dricked sin
 
 2O2 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 warra wella nuch en "Fare" hovva un de monsleit sin aw 
 drin derfore, awver de g'hireda weipsleit sin drunna druff 
 we en dowsend bocka-shtse. Far-wass wase ich net awver 
 mer con sich ei-bilda. 
 
 Der naixt dawg wora oil de duckter in der nuchber- 
 shoft bissy room driva bouch-wse druppa ous-daela de re- 
 sult fun tsu feel ice-cream fressa, "im nawma Guttes," un 
 oil far em Porra Mohler si loo raisa." 
 
 UNSER NIAR PORRA. 
 
 hen en nia porra om Barrick, un are is in grosser 
 druvvel. Der oldt Porra Mohler, woo far drisich yohr de 
 kinner om Barrick ga-dawfed hut, se g'hired won se uff eld 
 wora, se bagrawva won se g'shtarva sin un si batzawling 
 g'numma in schnitz un schmier-safe, is tsu oldt worra far de 
 yunga leit un se hen ene nows gadraid ins sower-romble feldt 
 we en ga-driar oldter gowl, un hen en yunger mon elect. 
 Der nie porra waerd brilla, en shtitza hoot, un kid henshing. 
 Are is leddich un oil de leit gleicha ene orbordich de maid. 
 De Betz Grill hut era awk uff erne, un se bahawbt os now 
 ware era chance wile se shunt so long gawardt hut, un 
 arbordich wile en porra public property is un con aweck 
 gevva wara tsu wem os are kserd wile se ene anyhow enara 
 missa. Yader ebber hut ene im mowl un uff de hend, un 
 won are arigets onna coomed don doona se ene ins besht 
 bed un schlochta de fetshta hawna. Far's morga gabade 
 greeked are de grose Beevil fum dish ous der "grossa 
 shtoop" woo nemond ni dariff es gons yohr bis der porra 
 coomed, un olles, in fact, drawga se erne by os won are en 
 kanich ware. Se treata ene now we en engel bis se. ous 
 finna os are usht en mensh is un derno handla se ene we 
 en sow. Awver des is net oil si druvvel. Der arsht mon 
 os are aw-gadruffa hut noach dem os are elect wore hut 
 erne g'sawd are mist orrick ocht gevva we are breddicht un 
 mist yoh nix sawga wsega donsa wile shier yader ebber om 
 Barrick donsed. Anonerer hut erne g'sawd are mist yoh
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 203 
 
 nix sawga waega korda shpeela wile oil de yunga leit 
 "progressive yucker" shpeela, un der drit is cooma un hut 
 erne g'sawd are darft nix sawga wsega licker farkawfa wile 
 der Hullerheck fore-shtayer ware in der karrich un daid's 
 net arlawva. 
 
 "Well, my liever freind," hut are g'sawd, "waega was 
 still ich breddicha?" 
 
 "Geb's tsu da Mormons. Se hen ken freind om Bar- 
 rick." 
 
 Em ledshta Soondawg hut are don waega da Mor- 
 mons gabreddiched, un hut der Congressman Roberts 
 g'numma far si subject. Are hut em awrma Roberts gor 
 boomerawlish in de ribba g'shussa, awer are hut net g'wist 
 os are em Mike Hetzel aw a pawr fun sina glob-board ni 
 gaboga hut. Der Mike is en kondadawt far der legislature 
 un hut far de dri ledshta Soondawg en dawler ins glingle- 
 seckly gadoo. Awer are doot net oil si geld dart ni. Es 
 is bakont om Barrick os are aw tswae wiver enared. De 
 aned is si fraw un de onner is de Beckie Leffelfinger. De 
 Beckie is bout en shae maidel, hut rhode hore, awga we 
 en dawb un en broosht we en fasont. Era finger sin so 
 full ring os'ra oldta koo era harner, un wile se duch shunt 
 a pawr hoof-eisa falora hut is se nuch so shpry os en bod- 
 derreesly un so levendich os en u-mense. Se waerd en 
 seal-skin coat un is sida fun der howd rouse. Yader ebber 
 glawbed os olles gakawfed is fum Mike sime geld, un olla 
 Soondawg hucked se sich on so en blotz os se der Mike 
 recht leeblich in de awga gooka con, un des is en g'schmoon- 
 sel un en ga-blinsel fum awfong fun der breddich bis 
 ons end. De oldt Betsy Hetzel sitzed naiva om Mike, mit 
 eram oldta poke-bonnet, un shiffericha shawl, der kup 
 drunna un era awga uff era awrma oldta runslicha hend 
 woo in eram laeva ken ring g'saena hen un nix g'wist os 
 hardt shoffa far em Mike si geld tzomma holdta. Der 
 porra hut gabreddiched waega da leit woo net ocht gevva 
 uff 35 fraw, woo base un shtuvverich un mean sin dahame 
 un hen oil era blesseer far onner leit : woo shelda won era
 
 204 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 fraw pawr cent will far sich henshing kawfa won era oldte 
 de finger hous hen, un woo im karricha rote sin won se im 
 evver-shtoll si setta. Der Mike hut sich in sime sitz room 
 g'shrobed os won are bren-asel in da hussa het, un de Becky 
 Leffelfinger hut ene net aw-gagooked far es arsht rnohl in dri 
 yohr. We der porra fardich wore hut are es oldt bakont leed 
 ous gevva, "Oh for a face that will not shrink," un der Mike 
 hut awfonga singa os won are usht uff-gawecked ware fun 
 ma longa shlofe ; awer we de karrich ous wore is are net 
 miff far hands shaka mit em porra awer is nows un uff em 
 hame-wake, we si fraw ene g'frogt hut wos are fun der 
 breddich gadenked het, hut are g'sawed: "Es boovly is 
 tsu shmardt. Ich denk are hut nuch nix galsesa fum Sol- 
 omon un em David." 
 
 Sidder hut are ken goot wordt mae far der nei porra, 
 un se msena are daid farleicht sich gons ob-risa fun der 
 karrich. Awer won are doot don is nix farlora. En mon 
 os so socha dribed set net in en blotz g'setzed si woo onera 
 im doonkela ivver ene folia. 
 
 Luss mich dere sawga, der Roberts is net der ansicht 
 Mormon im Congress odder in der karrich, un won der 
 divel gsed fisha far monsleit don doot are ma weibs- 
 mensch si shtroomp-bendel usa far .bait. Un es shlimsht 
 is are con olsfart sell bait greega oony long grawva. Olla 
 weibsmensch os farfeered waerdt furnished era ageny holf- 
 ter, un "ware sich in de g'fore gebt coomed drin um" is en 
 sprichwordt so wore os es oldt is, un ware's net glawbt con's 
 usht amohl broveera, un are fint ous we g'schwint os are 
 en oorsoch fint far der awrem oldt Divel blama far ene in 
 der letz wake feera. Ee sin usht tswae waega der recht 
 un der letz. Du konsht net aener dravela oony di buckel uff 
 der onner draya, un de weldt hut gons wennich blotz far 
 leit woo era hussa ous wara uff da knee olla winter der 
 hivvel fun garechtichkeit nuff groddla un der sitz om rooch- 
 board nunner fora uffder onera side im free yohr. Un der 
 divel blonsed olsfart wolla-shtengel os dorrich der schnse 
 nuff woxa far's luch nuch graeser risa.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 205 
 
 SHTRIDE IN DER HOUSEHOLDTING WOS 
 
 MAUCHTS. 
 
 ICH un de Polly wora der onner owet im shonshta eck 
 g'sitzed un olles wore shtill im house. De oldt uhr im eck 
 hut shtraich g'holdta mit da sackunda es same os se hut 
 dreisich yohr tzurick we ich se om Mike Hetzel sinera fendu 
 ga-kawft hob far sex dawler un hob un se ins eck g'shtelt 
 we mere awfonga hen house holdta. Won selly oldt uhr 
 schwetza kent wos kent se letze socha fartzaela. Dreisich 
 yohr ols mon un fraw maned feel. Wos druvvel, wos kim- 
 mer. We uft sin mere ousanonner g'shrit woo mer by-anon- 
 ner shtae hetta sulla. We feel droweriche shtoona hut ols ae 
 shep wardtly ga-brucht. Far wucha long sin mer um anon- 
 ner room ga-luffa os won mer net bakont wara, usht far 
 anonner wissa lussa os yaders si shier shpunk hut. Es wore 
 grawd os won mer tswae brucka sond in en buggy rawd doot. 
 Anes ribed om onera bis se endlich es rawd shtuppa. Un 
 des ga-shtrid hut about so feel fershtond drin os we de tswse 
 brucka sond im rawd. Now ssena mere olles. Un wos daid 
 mer net gevva won mer olles tzurick nemma kenta uns gons 
 lasva widder ivver maucha. 
 
 De tzeit far shlidda pardies un ebbel schnitzings is 
 farby. Es wore en tzeit woo ich g'maned hob es ware usht 
 ae weipsmensch in der weldt un sell ware de Polly. Gli noach 
 dem os mere g'hired hen hov ich g'maned es wara nuch ed- 
 liche" onery weipsleit os ich bakont het warra sulla eb ich 
 g'hired hob, un endlich bin ich tsu der conclusion cooma os 
 es feel onery weipsleit in der weldt hut os mere mae aw- 
 shtay daida os we de Polly. Ich bin base, shtuvverich, un 
 weesht warra. Se wore's same os se wore we mere g'hired 
 hen. Olsfart ready far mere en favor do, olles ga-kucht os 
 se g'wist hut os ich gleich, nee ken knep on mina hemmer ob 
 cooma lussa, my shtiffel ga-blacked un my glaeder ga-barsht, 
 un duch wore ich sour un mean, bis endlich is es era ei- 
 cooma os es - nix ous-maucha 'daid eb se recht daid odder letz 
 era baloning ware es same un de parlor match woo ich 
 
 14
 
 206 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 druff room ga-draida bin so long is endlich aw- 
 gonga un der shwevvel is ob ga-brendt. Derno wore's 
 ivvel. Ich hob net g'wist we se ga-nunk tsu shpida 
 un bin gonga un g'suffa worra un in meim suff hob der 
 druvvel ous em house oni gonsa barrick nows g'shlaifed. 
 Es worra gli en lot druvvelsome oldte weiver os sich um 
 mich bakimmered hen un hen olles ous mere ga-lucked os se 
 hen kenna so os yaders de besht shtory fartzaela hut kenna 
 om naixta karricha social. Ich wore der graesht mon om 
 barrick wile ich da leit tsu farshtse gevva hob os kem weips- 
 mensch si unner-ruck grose ga-nunk ware far mich drunner 
 shparra. My shtory hov ich fartzaeled. Es wore de aint 
 side. Se hut goot ga-lowd inera baer-shtoop full loafers. 
 Awver de onner side fun der shtory de recht side hut 
 nemond g'haerd. De Polly hut nix fartzseled. Ich hob's 
 grosse blesseer g'hsesa sana se suffera. Es hut g'wissa os 
 ich en mon bin fun determination. Dos sell my shtyle is. 
 Endlich is es mere in der kup cooma os yader ebber si fraw 
 shenner ware os my ageny. Es wore farleicht ebbes drin. 
 Druvvel hut grawva in era bocka ga-wesha g'hot. Era awga 
 woo als yader ebber aw-ga-tzooga hen, hen dreeb un drow- 
 erich ga-gooked. Se hut mich nimmy gleicha kenna. Era 
 hond wedder mich greega muss tsu era g'feeled hovva os 
 won mer en grut aw-raiked. En g'suffa, blobberich kolb. 
 Won ich usht fer-shtond het g'hot we ich ols sober g'west 
 wore, awver on so tzeida wore ich schlimmer os won ich 
 g'suffa wore. Ich hob g'sasna os se mich nimma leeva con 
 un bin jealous worra. Sell hut de s'ocha ols nuch shlimmer 
 g'mauched. Ich hob g'sana os se ga-used wserdt tsu meim 
 sowfa, un os sell era nimmy so feel wae doot un derno hov ich 
 se ga-blamed far tsu freindlich si mit onera monsleit. Ich 
 hob g'wist os nix on der soch is, awver ich hob fechta wella 
 un hob net g'wist we draw gas. Des wore awver tsu feel. 
 Se hut nee nix derfore g'sawd g'hot. Der shtride wore nuch 
 so weit oil mit mere awver we ich se mit dem ga-.blamed hob 
 is se uff-g'shtonna, de deer uff g'maucht un mere nows
 
 FUM BOONASTIEI,. 2.QTJ 
 
 g'wissa. Sell wore we ich uff my tramp Iseva gonga bin. 
 Du consht's ivverich in meim booch laesa. 
 
 Un now mawksht du denka ich bin en bubbly far 
 de socha fertzeela. Farleicht bin ich, awver won ich ae 
 yunga couple safa con fun ous-folla un kelver fun sich 
 maucha don hov ich mae goodes ga-doo in dem breef os in 
 ansicha os ich in meim laeva g'shrivva hob. 
 
 KARRASEERA DER OLDT UN DER NEI WAKE. 
 
 SIDDER dos ich my ledshter brief tsu dere g'shrivva 
 hob hov ich anyhow en dutzend brief greeked fun freind os 
 mich g'frogt hen far nuch mae shriva. Ae oldt maidel hut 
 mich g'frogt far en brief shriva uff hira, un wile ich denna 
 awrema oldta drep net "nae" sawga kent tsu nix will ich 
 broveera dere my gadonka gevva uff de subject so goot os 
 ich con. Un doh gaits don uff der Koonrawd loose. 
 
 Hira is es same os es wore en hoonert yohr tzurick, 
 awver es waerdt nimmy so feel gadoo os we sella mohls. 
 Es wore en tzeit os yader boo en agener gowl hut g'hot, en 
 foongle nei buggy, un olla Somshdawg owet noach os si 
 woch's arawet fardich wore hut are si fees im boomba- 
 droke g'wesha, hut si beshte suit Kentucky jeans aw ga- 
 doo un is derrio ob g'shart far sime maidel en ride gevva 
 ivver <le wartzla un shtoomba in da doonkelshta ecka fum 
 township wake. Derno sin se hame un we de oldta leit 
 im bed wora hut are se ga-karraseered 
 
 "Hinna in der kich 
 Ga-dichtich." 
 
 Ollawile is es nimmy so. De riggelwake springa in 
 olla eck, un pick-nicks sin de shtile. Der boo spend oil si 
 geld far tickets un won de tzeit coomed far hira hut are 
 net ga-nunk geld far der porra batzawla un gor nix far 
 en week kawfa. De maid hen ols de oldta hussa uff 
 g'schnidda far gwilts maucha. Now doona se era tzeit 
 tsu bringa on "shams" un "throws" un "tidies" maucha 
 far uff da shteel room henka bis mer sich boll nimmy onna
 
 2O8 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 hucka con. Un won mer sich setzed un hucked net so 
 grawd os en ^ips-bub don henked des fardihenkered ga- 
 gramonsel em uff em buckel won mer uff shtaid. 
 
 Im shtettle is es nuch feel schlimmer. Doh wserdt's 
 nimmy ga-karraseered. Ich hob ols g'maned mer set en 
 maidel bakont wara eb mer se hired. Un der ansicht wake 
 far se laerna kenna is he by era si un se ga-dichtich dricka. 
 Ollawile is es nix os "fashionable calls." En holb dutzent 
 gaena tzomma. shpeela corda, schwetza doom odder hucka 
 in da ecka un gooka anonner aw os we a pawr kotza uff 
 der gorda fense. Es seemed se wissa nix fun da goota 
 tzeida wo ich un du hen g'hot we ich gonga bin my Polly 
 saena un du di Malinda. Un de result is se finna nix ous 
 fun leeb bis se tsu oldt sin, un derno won se hira, doona se 
 es far "convenience sake," un wile oldte maid net feel fun- 
 era "convenience" sin tsu anich ebber missa se arias shtse 
 un uff-drickla we de wolla shtengel uff der fire-shtae rich. 
 
 De fact is de yunga leit wella heitzadawg amused 
 si. Se gooka net ahead awver sitza un worda far 
 ebbes uff-draya os se suit. De boova wella oil lawyer un 
 duckter un professional menner si. De maid shpenda era 
 tzeit on fashion-plates shtuddia un lussa de mommy es 
 wesha do. Se wella Iseva ooney shoffa, un won en maidel 
 net en reicher mon fonga con odder en boo en reich maidel 
 hira con don maena se wara tsu awrem far hira. Un es 
 is warricklich wore. Won's maidel nix wase os music un 
 donsa don gebts en dreckiche kich, un won der boo nix 
 wase os corda shpeela un cigarettes schmoka don gebts 
 dinna brodewarsht. En fodder os si familia sella wake uff 
 bringt is net fit kinner tsu hovva, un won se erne druvvel 
 maucha is ^s si ageny shoold. 
 
 En batchelor os hired noach dem os are fartzich yohr 
 oldt is set ga-gasheled si, un es weipsmensch os ene hired 
 set nuch em norra house g'shicked si. Ich glawb on yung 
 hira. Yunge leit sin we glaene ebbel bame. Du consht se 
 tzomma binna un um-anonnef room wickla un se woxa uff 
 we ae bawm. Broveer 'mohl un bin tswae bame tzomma os
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 
 
 fartzich yohr oldt sin un se brecHa in der mit ob. Sell 
 maned druvvel un divorce. Derno sin se olla tswae far- 
 hoonsed. En mon os fartzich yohr room lawfa con oonich 
 so feel shaena maid un findt kenny os ene suit set eider en 
 corset wara odder set en hevvel aw-g'henked hovva. De 
 maid sin net tsu blama. Es doot se farleicht nemond 
 froga. Es sin dale os worda wella bis se en mon finna os 
 ken faler hut, avvver se finna ous in goote tzeit os de goota 
 boova oil g'shtarva sin we se gons yung wora, un dos engel 
 ken hussa wara. 
 
 ON DER TEACHERS' INSTITUTE. 
 
 Du hedsht amohl de woch on der Teachers' Institute 
 si sulla. So en leb-dawg we des en leb-dawg wore hov ich 
 in meim leb-dawg ken leb-dawg g'saena. Es hut ollerlae 
 teachers g'hot. Un wos maid! Shaene, weeshte, grosse, 
 glaene, dicky, dinny, shmaerdte un doome. Se hen mae 
 shtile aw-gadoo os ich in mein laeva defore g'saena hob, un 
 ga-dressed hen se os es em recht farblendt hut. Un woo 
 se oil era gum greeked hen for kowa con ich net wissa, 
 awver es hut yader ga-kowed un se hen en yoeht ga- 
 maucht os we wons fee om widder kowa is on tswelf uhr in 
 der nocht. Now unich yader sitz im court house sin bindle 
 chewing gum os es boll gooked os won de dreck-schwolma 
 neshter ni ga-bowed hetta. De boova hen oil noddeerlich 
 schmart ga-gooked, un wos hen se's duch g'shpeered. Kit 
 henching, sidney hols-dicher, patent-ledder shoe, un de 
 hore in der mid fardaled os we de maid. 
 
 Es wore ols net so in oldter tzeit. Onshtodts fun sid- 
 ena dressa hen de maid kardoo g'wora, un onshtodts fun 
 chewing-gum on finf cent der pock hen se bind-hortz ga- 
 kowed. De boova hen kee-ledderne shoe ga-wora un era 
 hore uff der side fardaled. Es wore en tzeit woo en guldne 
 watch en mon reich gooka hut maucha, un en piano wore 
 ous der question. Now sin se so common os rhoda hoond, 
 un duch hen mere hardte tzeida.
 
 210 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Es is aw en grosser wexel im wake os se now larning 
 greega. Wos hen mere duch ols so hartzhoftich de maps 
 g'sunga. Now shtuddia se jography mit picters un sond- 
 heiflin. Olla yohr sin mere ols dorrich der grammar, hen 
 oil de rules ous-awennich ga-larndt un hen si laeva net ous 
 g'funna far wos os selly rules goot sin. Im rechla sin mere 
 ols so weit tsurick im buch os der teacher es farshtonna 
 hut un derno sin mer room ga-draid un widder forna aw- 
 g'fonga. Der multiplication table hen mere ols hinner- 
 shich un farshich sawga kenna, un won mer ols wissa hen 
 wella we feel os nine mohl elf is hen mer der gons table 
 ivver sawga missa bis mer draw cooma sin. Laesa hen mer 
 oil kenna os we en porra un duch ken wardt farshtonna 
 wile's English wore un mere hen nix os Deitsch gawist. 
 
 Middawgs hen mere unser karrivly uft g'maucht un de 
 kolda lever-waersht, tzomma-ga-bobbed lodwarrick brode 
 un hardt-gakochte oyer gessa. De wile os es mowl bissy 
 wore hen mere uns farwiled mit da fees uff em budda 
 drooma. Hinna im eck hut olsfart der lowsich boo 
 g'hucked. Are hut nee ken wolnis-karna un poond ebble 
 greeked fun da onera shuler wile are der ansicht Republi- 
 can wore in der shool. Es ledsht os ich fun erne g'hared 
 hob wore are en shtate senator in anes fun da western 
 shtata, un de karl woo ene ols es mensht gabused hen 
 doona nucrr om barrick room gnobbera far en laeva 
 maucha. Mer wase nee net wos es ous ma lousicha kolb 
 gevva con. 
 
 Anes fun da grossa dawga in der shool wore won der 
 superintender room cooma is. Mere hen ols g'maned der su- 
 perintender ware en graeserer mon os der Bresident fun da 
 United Shtates. Olla yohr os are cooma is hut are uns de 
 same shpeech g'maucht, un de hut ga-consist fun uns 
 sawga os won mere oil goote boova sin don daida mere 
 mohl oil Bresidenta gevva, un de maid Bresidender era 
 wiver bakoma. So weit os ich hara con is si bruffa-tzeiga 
 nuch net wore cooma, awver sidder os der Cleveland's ga- 
 maucht hut woonerts mich nimmy os yader ebber mit hoi-
 
 FUM BOONASTIKL. 211 
 
 ver farshtond Bresident wara con, un ich hob en notion 
 far widder frish nei broveera far Bresident tsu wara wile 
 de chanca si Iseva net besser wora won ich usht de Repub- 
 lican nomination maucha con. 
 
 DE RETCHA UN DE BLETCHA. 
 
 hen ollaweil en gor shtarns weeshter ufroor doh 
 om Barrick. Es is en retsherei unner da weipsleit, un es 
 date mich gor net woonera won es om end nuch bisniss gebt 
 far de lawyer un der shreef un in der court. 
 
 Ich will dere de particklers now gevva so goot os ich 
 con. Es is waega der Sally Ann Seimoyer, anes fum oldta 
 Bensh Seimoyer sina maid, un anes fun denna Fildelfy 
 agents os so room dravela unner da shtore-keeper mit sam- 
 ples, un seller ding sawga se is en g'hireder mon os en f raw 
 un dri kinner hut in Fildelfy. Wos de rale shtory is consht 
 denka far dich selver. De Sally Ann un era mommy hen 
 era mind uff g'maucht far ous-finna ware de shtory g'shtart 
 hut. Se hen ous-g'funna os de Betz Miller es g'sawd hut, un 
 se sin grawd tsu der Betz gonga un g'frogt we's is un ware's 
 era g'sawd hut, un se hut g'sawd os de Marianda Schmidt es 
 g'sawd hut, un don sin se tsu der Marianda gonga, un se hut 
 g'sawd os de Jemima Wafflebach es g'sawd hut, un de Je- 
 mima hut g'sawd de Anne Bensmiller het's g'sawd, un de 
 Anne hut g'sawd se het em Sam Kissinger si fraw es hara 
 sawga, un we se aw-groofa hen by der Kissingery hut se 
 g'sawd se ware's net sure awver se glawbt se het de Polly 
 Bixler hara derfun schwetza. Don sin se tsu der Polly un se 
 hut widder en onery g'nend os es g'sawd sull hovva un tsu 
 letsht is es evva widder uff de Kissingery cooma. Un now 
 sawga se de Sally Ann Seimoyer het im sin in de shtadt tsu 
 gse un en lawyer dinga un de Kissingery shreefa far de 
 court un se es broofa maucha waega sellem agent fun Fil- 
 delfy. 
 
 Ich, far my pard, hob nix tsu sawga. Won de Sally Ann 
 Seimoyer tsu feel fun dem Fildelfy agent gadenked hut don
 
 212 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 het se shmart ganunk si sulla far's tsu sich selver holda. De 
 Tzaea Gabudda in der Shrift farbeeda olles os schlecht is, 
 awver ich claim os elf ga-budda si hetta sulla. De elft het 
 laesa sulla: "Du solsht net ous-g'funna \vara." Es maucht 
 heitzadawgs nix ous we schlecht os en mon is usht so os 
 are shmart ganunk is es nemond ous-finna lussa. De shtrose 
 lawfed full karls os hend hen so wise os schnee un en hartz 
 so Schwartz os shonshta roos. De karrich hut blendy karls 
 os en g'sicht hen os sich shtrecked Soondawgs we en oldter 
 gum shoe, un Moondawgs daid ich ena net weider drowa 
 unichera lot weipsleit os ich en elefont om schwontz room 
 shlaifa con. 
 
 De Sally Ann Seimoyer hut farleicht nix derby 
 g'mained, un hut gadenked dare Fildelfy karl ware leddich 
 awver sell maucht nix ous. Es wore era bisniss ous tsu 
 finna. Es daid nemond si boweri aweck gevva tsu ma mon 
 os are nix derfun wase un en gooter nawma is mse waerdt 
 os feel ocker lond. De weipsleit schwetza uftmohls tsu feel, 
 awver luss mich dere sawga, won's net far era tzoonga 
 ware don daid feel mse schlechtes aw-gadrivva wara os es so 
 doot. We's is is yader weipsmensch en detective, un wile se 
 anonner so goot kenna don wissa se gli won hoodlerei aw- 
 gait. 
 
 Nuch ebbes will ich dere sawga. De Sally Anne 
 Seimoyer is grawd we feel fun unsera onera maid om Bar- 
 rick un se kenna oil en lesson larna fun era experience. 
 Won en arlicher, ufrrichticher, hardt-shoffichter bowera boo 
 cooma will anes fun ena karraseera don shtaid are ken 
 chance won se room shpotseera kenna mit ma uff g'schmusta 
 frotzhontz fun der shtott, un won are en norr fun ena 
 maucht don is es era agency shoold. En arliche hond os row 
 is fun arawet is mae wserdt os en wise, un-arliche hond mit 
 kit benching tzoo ga-decked. En mon os fun der city 
 cooma mus far en fraw soocha is eider uff badroog ous 
 odder wart badroga. 
 
 Awver mer wella de socha lussa we se sin. Des 
 g'schwetz waega dem maidel hut farleicht en ursoch. Shier
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 213 
 
 oil de leit om Barrick hen maid os se garn farhondla daida 
 uff goode menner, un wile de Anne Seimoyer en hisph, goot 
 gookich, freindlich maidel is wella se farleicht era nawma 
 fardarva so os era dechter en chance greega on der city karl. 
 Des is en wake os bakont is mit oil shtride shtifter. Un es 
 seemed de woo de lengshter gebader maucha in der bade- 
 shtoond un gaena es eftsht in de karrich sin de shlimshta 
 far de recheri uff shtarta. Husht du di laeva g'wist os en 
 weipsmensch os sich selver net drowa daid mit monsleit is 
 de arsht os onery weipsleit suspect fun schlechte socha? 
 En mensch os en rhine hartz hut denked yader ebber soonsht 
 rhine, un ware u-sowver is saed dreck uff yader ebber 
 soonsht. Grishdendoom mocht der mensch rhine woo's hut 
 un maucht farflompte rascals ous onery woo usht maena se 
 hetta's. Dohare finsht du uftmohls de schlechta leit in der 
 karrich wile se grishdadoom ba-kenna missa-far era schlech- 
 te socha tsu decka. 
 
 MORAL. Ware net drowd dem is net tsu drowa. 
 
 DE SHULT OS LEIT AWREM SIN. 
 
 Es shined mere de leit sin ollawile gor grunds-budda 
 awrem, un duch sin se net holver so awrem os se ols wora 
 in der tzeit we se g'maned hen se wara reich. Du consht 
 dich nuch arinera on de tzeit woo en silverner dawler 
 so grose ga-gooked hut in dina awga os en wauga- 
 rawd. De tzeit wor won anes en levvy g'shpend hut far 
 blesseer hut mer ene shunt aw ga-grooked ols en "heb- 
 bense," aner os si laeva net reich con wara. Sell wore de 
 tzeit woo de weibsleit en dress maucha hen kenna ous fier 
 yord goods, un ae goode dress wore oil os expect wore 
 fun ame weibsmensch. Ware en sideny dress afforda hut 
 kenna wore reich g'hasa. Now nembts fier yord goods 
 far x armel tsu maucha, un de menshta weibsleit hen de 
 wond so full dressa henka os se ols usht ae dress tswae 
 mohl nuch der karrich wara kenna bis se widder room 
 g'maucht si muss so os se in shtyle is. Denk derno amohl
 
 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 draw we sin ols unser eldra nuch der karrich gadrulled 
 bawrfeesich, un era shoe ga-drawga bis se on de karrich 
 cooma sin un derno se aw gadoo, un we se rous cooma 
 sin se widder ob-g'numma un bawrfeesich hame ga-drulled 
 far se safa. Sella mohls hen se aw shoe g'hot os ebbes 
 wserd wora. Won en kolb g'schlocht is worra is de howd 
 on de garraveri g'shicked worra un in ledder gadraid far 
 da maid fina shoe maucha. Ware daid now kolbsledderny 
 shoe nuch der karrich wara? Doh missa hoche farshta un 
 patent-ledderny tips hare. Ae drip nuch der karrich dor- 
 rich der dreck daid se uff. Awver wos is de use far im 
 dreck lawfa won yader bower en buggy hut un fie harnish 
 far in de karrich gas won es foorwsesa shunt net batzawled 
 is es fawrd anyhow goot wile der nuchber, woo's far- 
 leicht afforda con, aw anes hut. Ich risk tsu sawga os de 
 eldra heitzadawgs so feel geld shpenda far era dechtera in 
 corsets un kit henshing holda os es gakusht hut far era 
 grose-mudder tsu glaeda. 
 
 Nem derno amohl de boova. Doh hut mer ols 
 "Kentucky Jeans" odder hame g'mauchte warichniche 
 hussa g'wora os de mommy em g'maucht hut. De gallus 
 wora ous wiser musleen g'maucht mit shlitz drin far de 
 knep ni henka we en forebay onera meel. Now hut der 
 shtore-keeper g'nunk bruffit onera suit os are en fungle- 
 neie pawr gallus ni shmissa con. Olles waerdt fun hame 
 g'maucht, un tsu minera notion doot der bower net ga- 
 nunk protection bractica import mae uff si boweri os 
 are export un es arsht os are wase muss are bonds issua 
 we der Cleveland. Won mer ols en fardle dawler greeked 
 hut far ons badolya gse hut mer hipsh g'feeled. Now is es 
 nix u-commons en fodder sime boo finf dawler gevva 
 olla mohl os are on en picnic will, un wile sell about dri 
 mohl de woch is con mer gli ssena woo der brofit uff waetza 
 on fooftsich cent de bushel onna gait. 
 
 Farshtae mich, ich winch net os de tzeida widder doh 
 wara. Ich sawg dere usht, se sin doh far der bower un are 
 wase es net. Si lond is net mas waerd now os es wore far
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 215 
 
 em greek, are greeked net mae far si waetza os are hut far 
 em greek, un shier olles shunsht is uff ma level mit da 
 tzeida far em greek except si wake far Iseva un sell is uff 
 der scale fun wsetza on dri dawler de bushel. 
 
 Geld is tsu wolfel by feel fun ena. En mon os en 
 hoonert riggle shplit far en hoonert cent denked mae fun 
 ma dawler os der mon woo si laeva maucht mit shtock 
 gambla un corda shpeela. "Shtreck di fees nuch der 
 deck" is en oldt shprich-wordt, un ich wet liever unich ma 
 kortza debbich shlofa os unich ma longa os net batzawled 
 is. Mere hara feel fun da goota oldta tzeida woo ma man 
 si wordt so goot wore os si note. Ich glawb olla wordt 
 derfun. De leit wora in umshtenda woo se era shoolda 
 batzawla hen kenna un es wore en blesser es tsu do. 
 Luss mich dere sawga es daid yader ebber si shoolda 
 batzawla won es batzawla daid se tsu batzawla, awver sidder 
 os ken premium mae is uff der arlich mon, sidder os en mon 
 si larva insura con far en hoonert dowsend dawler un oil si 
 geld ni do far de premiums uff holdta bis are dote is un 
 derno b'shised si creditors ous era arliche shoolda, is de 
 premium fum arlicha mon g'numma un uff der dam raskal 
 gadoo. Sell is der ledsht grishtlich wake far saelich shtarva, 
 awver es is my opinion os en mon woo ken arlicher effort 
 maucht far si arliche shoolda batzawla is en infernelser 
 raskal, un derno mauchts net feel ous eb are en eldisht is 
 in der Hawsa Barrick karrich odder en hossler im Mike 
 Hawnayarrick sime livery shtoll, un won's amohl nuch em 
 himmeJ tsoo gaid finna se ous os kem mon si grawb-shtae so 
 hoach is os are druff nuch em himmel groddla con.
 
 2l6 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 BLESSEER COOMED OONEY G'FROGT UN GAIT 
 OONEY G'H^SA. 
 
 Coom hare amohl nuchber, un sitz on der dish. 
 
 De socha sin gons room ga-draid ; 
 Ae helft fun da leit de fonga de fish 
 
 De onera grawva es bait. 
 
 DES glae shtick poetry hut en grosse maening. "Ae 
 helft fun der weldt doots fisha de onera grawva de war- 
 rem." Husht du di keva draw ga-denkt we u-gleich os de 
 socha ous ga-daled sin? Dale leit sin gabora mit ma sil- 
 verna leffel im mowl. Se rulla in meesichkeit fun der week 
 bis ins grawb. Un duch sin se net g'satisfied. Doh hen 
 mere en example om Hawsa Barrick. Em Sam Hetzel si 
 brooder's kind, woo in Fildelfy uff ga-brucht is worra, dare 
 is so reich os en Yutt. Si ei-coomas is sivva dowsend daw- 
 ler's yohr eb are shoft odder net. Dare boo is now tswon- 
 sich yohr oldt, hut en goode laming, awver hut net der good 
 farshtond woo mer greekt won mer sich selver dorrich de 
 weldt shlocked. Are wase olles fun shtyle, is olsfart sowver 
 aw-ga-doo un waerdt en diamond uff sime ga-kuchta hem. 
 Are brouch net shoffa un es holdt ene bissy en gonser dawg 
 far de tzeit fardriva. Are hut oil de tzeit os are will far gae 
 fisha, awver is tsu doom far en worrem on si ongel do, un 
 won are's wist don ware are tsu armlich far on de grick 
 lawfa. Sell sin de sort leit woo olsfart fisha kenna. 
 
 Navich erne wooned em Sam si agener soo. Are is im 
 lond uff ga-brucht warra un is so hardt os en bind g'-narra. 
 Are is awrem, un duch hut sich en glaena haemet aw-g'shoft, 
 is g'hired un hut tswse kinner. En gonser dawg shoft are 
 im feldt un owets coomed are hame meed un hoongerich. 
 Are con en yord brode-wsersht un tswonsich booch-waetza 
 koocha essa uff en ernes. Si kinner groddla uff erne room 
 os we yunge kotza, un won are ols ebmohls en shtoond 
 greekt tsu sich selver don gait are on de grick un fongt a 
 pawr farrella far si kinner. Won are hame coomed don 
 shtaed si fraw olsfart im hofe un frogt ene eb are ebbes
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 217 
 
 g'fonga hut. Se con sawga on sime shrit long eb are om 
 house is eb are ebbes g'fonga hut. Won are glick hut g'hot 
 don lobed se ene, won are nix hut don encouraged se ene 
 un sawgt es naixt mohl dait are besser do. So en fraw we 
 sell bringt mae blesser ins house os en millune downsend 
 dawler uff inderessa. Un duch winched dare boo olla dawg 
 are het sime cousin si reichdoom so os are de gons tzeit fisha 
 kent. 
 
 Luss mich dere. sawga, blesseer in dara weldt consht 
 du net soocha, awver du finshts olsfart woo du net gooksht 
 derfore. Der mon woo tsu bissy is far blesser soocha findt 
 es mensht derfun. Won mer olsfart gae kent fisha don 
 daits em so laid warra os won mer's mit da leffel g'fressa 
 het. Der mon woo si laeva net meed wore wase net wos 
 rhue is. Der mon woo si laeva net hoongerich wore wase 
 net wos obbadit is. Der tramp woo en nocht unich em hoy- 
 shtuck shlofed findt mae blesser in ma shtick booder brode 
 far si morga-essa os der reich mon doot in ma downsend 
 dawler banquet. Der bower woo en gonser dawg hinnich 
 em block noach lawfed findt mae rhue uff me shprower-sock 
 os der reich mon inera guldena bed-lawd. Der mon woo 
 uff em top fum howfa is muss olsfart grotza far sich druvva 
 holdta. Der awrem mon, woo sich om foos uff holdt, con 
 sich ruich he laiga un shlofa are rulled nimmy weider 
 nunner, un won's ons shtarva gait don laiked are sich he, 
 shlofed ei, un brouch sich net boddera waega ma willa wile 
 are net ga-nunk lust far si freind drivver fechta. 
 
 "Ae helft fun der weldt grawbed de warrem de onner 
 doots fisha." Tsu wella wid du kara? Tsu da fisher, of 
 course. So doona se oil, un duch behawb ich es is graessere 
 blesseer in reddy maucha far gae fisha os we hame cooma 
 mit ma lasera karreb. 
 
 MORAL. Blesseer coomed oony g'frogt un gaed oony 
 g'haesa.
 
 218 CHOICE; SELECTIONS 
 
 DER JECKEY LEEBSHTICKLE TEND COURT. 
 
 ICH un der Dad un de Grosemommy woona im Clobber 
 dawl, un der Dad hut mere shunt em ledshta shpote-yohr 
 farshprucha os won ich recht fleisich welshkarn bashta 
 daid don daid are mich mit nuch der Harning court nemma 
 in Schwineford shtettle. Em ledshta Dinshdawg sin mere 
 ob-g'shtart. Ich bin now ninetzae yohr oldt un wore in 
 meim laeva net weider fun hame os de middle-fense. Ich 
 bin shier sex foos long, hob en tzaw-look un waer shunt 
 wullich um der bawrd room ; hob en glaener browner hoot 
 ga-wora os gooked we en drechter, un my hussa hen uff 
 sex tzoll net nunner on my Monroe shoe ga-longt. 
 
 Mer sin nuff on der Hawsa Barrick riggel-wake, un 
 we de train rei cooma is hut se ga-blosa os ich uff de knee 
 g-folla bin so huts mich farshrucka. De kars wora full leit. 
 Lots fun shaena maid un de hen shier oil nuch mere ga- 
 locht. Ich hob bully g-feeld. We der conductor room 
 cooma is hut der Dad erne en ticket gevva far mich, un 
 mer sin druff nei ga-yawked os es ga-doonert hut. We 
 mere ins shtettle cooma sin hov ich grawd g-frogt woo de 
 court is. Der Jeck Hetzel hut mere g'sawt g'hot es ware 
 en ga-deer so grose os en shire, het awga hinna un forna, 
 en harn uff em kup so grose os en bind shtarra, un het en 
 bell aw. Uff ame eck fun der shtrose hov ich en lot leit 
 saena shtae un dishbadawda. Ich bin onna far se froga 
 woo de court ware, awver se hen so arnshtlich g'schwetzed 
 os ich ken wardt nei greega hob kenna. Ich hob so en 
 dicker, fetter mon, os der boiich shier uff em budda shlaft, 
 g'frogt ware seller sent karl ware woo se en fuss maucha 
 daid. Are hut g'sawt are ware en politicianer. 
 
 "Un wos is en politicianer?" hov ich g'frogt. 
 
 "En politicianer is aner os boll en kondadawt gevva 
 will." 
 
 "Un wos is en kondadawt?" 
 
 "En kondadawt is en mon os room gait hands shaika 
 un licker kawfa far de leit so os se erne en office gevva."
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 2IQ 
 
 "Un wos is en office?" 
 
 "En office is en blotz woo mer goot batzawlt wserdt far 
 nix do." 
 
 "Oh !" hov ich g'sawt un bin ivver de shtrose ga-luffa 
 woo de leit in en house nei sin. Ich bin noach un glei bin 
 ich in en grosse shtoop cooma woo en lot leit g'hucked 
 hen. Im feddera end fun der shtoop wore ebbes os ga- 
 gooked hut we en kelver fense. Es wora tswae dish in- 
 side fun dara kelver fense un doh wora en lot leit droom 
 g'hucked un in bicher ga-laesa. Glei is so en dinner, 
 longer mon mit ma schwartza bawrd uff en hoacher shtool 
 ga-groddled un hut a pawr mohl g'sawt, "O yea, O yea," 
 grawd we de grosse-mommy ols sawgt wons era farlasd is. 
 Derno hut are nuch en lot onery socha g'sawt in English 
 os ich net fershtoona hob. Derno is en shaener, uff- 
 g'schmutzder yunger gentlemen nei cooma un sich uff en 
 grosser shtool g'hucked on der fire-haerd, un usht ivver dem 
 is widder seller fet mon woo ich uff der shtrose aw-ga- 
 druffa hob nei cooma un sich navich mich g'hucked. 
 
 "Ware is seller mon os dart om fire-haerd hucked?" 
 hov ich ene g'frogt. 
 
 "Sell is ken fire-haerd," hut are g'sawt. "Sell is der 
 baer un der mon is der Judge." 
 
 "Doot der baer bisa?" hov ich g'frogt. 
 
 Der fet mon hut awfonga locha os si bouch g'shiddled 
 hut, un ivver dem sin nuch tswae mon nei cooma un sich 
 uff yader side fum Judge g'sitzed. 
 
 "Ware sin selly karls?" hov ich g'frogt. 
 
 "Sell sin aw Judges," hut are g'sawt. 
 
 "Wos doona se?" 
 
 "Se neesa won der Judge schnoop nembt, un nooka der 
 kup won are 'yaw' sawgt." 
 
 Ivver dem hen de leit in der kelver ben awfonga 
 fechta, un ich hob farhoftich ga-glawbed es daid feng 
 gevva. 
 
 "Ware sin selly karls woo so tzarrifa?" 
 
 "Sell sin lawyer."
 
 22O CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 "Far wos sin se goot?" 
 
 "Ich hob's nuch net ous g'funna." 
 
 "We maucha se era laeva?" 
 
 "Mit uxa fechta maucha." 
 
 "Huts feel fun eena?" 
 
 "Yaw, numma tsu feel." 
 
 Un ivver dem hut anes fun denna karls der onner 
 nows g'fuddered un ich bin noach far der fecht ssena. Se 
 sin ivver de shtrose nivver un in en shtoop nei woo en 
 longer, hoacher dish wore. Hinna on der wondt wore en 
 roy buddla, un dart wora se g'shtonna un koffee-wasser mit 
 anonner ga-drunka os won se de beshta freind wara. 
 
 Ich bin derno nows un hob em Dad g'sawt ich kent 
 de bisniss net fershtae un ware reddy far hame, un we mer 
 on der riggel-wake cooma sin hut der glebber-mon 
 g'sawt unser train ware dri shtoond shpote, os der "cow- 
 ketcher" het en koo g'schlooked doh der wake druvva un 
 de harner wara erne im hols shtecka blivva. Ich hob nix 
 tsu essa g'hot sidder morga. Der Dad is gonga far en doot 
 full essa, un we are cooma is hen mere uns hee g'hucked 
 un crackers g'fressa os uns der shtawb tsu da ora rous 
 g'floga is. 
 
 Un so hov ich duch om end derfun hame missa oony 
 de court saena, awver ich will goot derfore si os ich se sane 
 es naixt mohl os se on Schwineford shtettle coomed un 
 wons howd kusht. 
 
 WIDDER UFF DER OLDTA BOWERI. 
 
 ICH wore de ledsht woch uff der oldta boweri, un es 
 hut mich widder yung feela maucha. Es lond un de ga- 
 biar sin nuch dart, awver olles soonsht is fardt. De felder 
 gooka usht nuch holver so grose os se ols hen won se ols 
 full waetza odder welshkarn wora un mer is ons ob-maucha 
 gonga. De hivla sin nimmy so noach, de dawla nimmy so 
 nidder, un de doonkla ecka hen ken fooricht. Olla eck 
 uff der boweri hut ebbes far em tsu arinera. Doh is woo
 
 PUM BOONASTIEX. 221 
 
 uns der oldt Bill gowl dorrich gonga is, dart wore de 
 gownsh ; doh wora mere om shoifa we de nais cooma is os 
 der brooder g'shussa is worra im greek; dart woo ich es 
 arsht mohl ma shaena madel era bond g'hova hob ; doh woo 
 ich my arsht sock-messer farbrucha hob, un dart woo mere 
 ols olsfart en hummel nesht g'funna hen won mere drows 
 wora Soondawgs hoonich soocha. Dart wore de oldt flox- 
 breech un doh de tzooker camp olla eck, un hivvel un 
 heck hut en history, un olla dinsht coomed tzurick we 
 en long-fargessner drawm. Der oldt baw r m-gorda is nuch 
 dart, awver de bame sin oldt un fowl un de ebbel sin glae 
 un sour. Dart wore der karabsa obbel, dart der wise 
 boy-obbel, dart der hoonich-obbel, dart der Pinnick, un 
 doh sin nuch de wartzla fum oldta freea sees-obbel woo 
 mere ols ivver em hoy-maucha derfun g'essa hen un de 
 kullick greeked. Doh sin de oldta karsha bame usht 
 nuch shtoomba mit a pawr lavendiche nesht. Doh wore 
 der oldt walniss bawm woo ols soomers de aich-hawsa era 
 Iseva drufF farlora hen won ich boolfer un shroat g'hot hob 
 far de oldt flindt lawda. 
 
 Ich bin dorrich es oldt house. Doh is de kommer 
 woo de kinner uff .de weldt cooma sin. Doh wore es bed- 
 laedely g'shtonna woo mere Iserna hen unser ga-badelin 
 sawga. Doh de kich woo mere ols de longa owet tsu ga- 
 brucht hen far-shteckla un blinda-misely shpeela. Do 1 ! 
 wore der mommy era shpin-rawd g'shtonna, dart de 
 bock-moold. Uff sellem shelf de uhr un in sellem eck der 
 shonk woo mere ols jam rous g'shneaked hen. Doh is de 
 shpeicher-shtake nuff gonga, un doh is de shtoop woo 
 mere ols seeser shlofe greeked hen won de dawg's arawet 
 ivver wore. Un doh, warricklich, is der eversht shpeicher 
 woo mere ols onna sin un de oshter oyer ba-gooked won 
 gor ken onnerer blotz mse wore os uns hovva hut wella. 
 Dart hinna im eck hut ols de oldt week g'shtonna won se 
 net in use wore un sell wore net uft. Unich denna 
 shporra hut's ols full ga-grider g'hunka os goot wore far 
 bouch-wae un olla onera gronkheita ; shofe ribba, oldter 
 
 15
 
 222 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 mon, maderly, solvie, rawda, gwindle, warmet, dorrich- 
 wox, sossafrill, olond un schwartz-wartzel. Dart sin nuch 
 de lecher woo mere ols de sichla nei g'hocked hen won de 
 arn farby wore, un dart drivva hut ols der oldt horich 
 trunk g'shtoona os der grose-dawdy fun Deitschlond ga- 
 brucht hut. 
 
 Dart uff em wesh-house henked nuch de oldt bell woo 
 uns ols ous em feldt ga-roofa hut tzu'm essa. Now ich 
 hob shunt feel goode moosic g'hared. Ich hob shunt bands 
 g'hared os shpeela hen kenna bis es em in da tzgea ga- 
 glingled hut ; ich hob shunt hoache moosic g'hared uff der 
 piano, un ich hob shunt weipsleit hara singa in der karrich 
 bis yada ebber boll g'winshed hut se daida shtuppa odder 
 shtarava, awver in meim dawg-un-des-laeves hov ich ken so 
 saliche yocht g'hared os cooma is fun selera oldta mid- 
 dawg's-bell. Wos hut mer en obbadit g'hot, un wos hut's 
 brode-warsht, shoonka-flaish, ebbel-boy un leb-koocha ga- 
 kusht ! 
 
 Un derno bin ich ons oldt shool-house, awver des is 
 nimmy dart, un duch hov ich's g'saena grawd os won es 
 nuch dart shtae date. Ich hob de marika uff der wondt 
 g'saena ; ich wore widder in der shpelling class g'shtonna 
 woo es arsht madel os ich in meim laeva ga-glicha hob mere 
 g'sawd hut se het g'hossed mich trappa wile se mich ga- 
 glicha hut ; ich hob de shooler haera es map singa, un de 
 grammar class haera recita. Ich hob en drink ous em oldta 
 wasser-kivvel g'numma, un hob widder koldte lever-warsht 
 un lod-warrick brode g'essa uff em hinnera sitz. Es wore 
 olles nuch so noddeerlich os ich reecha hob kenna we ols 
 de oldta schmootzicha rechel-bicher g'shtoonka hen. In 
 fact, ich hob g'maned ich ware widder en boo un ware om 
 eck-bolla shpeela mit da onera shooler. 
 
 Oil de socha saena hen mich hardt denka maucha. 
 Wos hut's gevva mit da onera shooler? Dale sin dote un 
 dale sin in wide lenner. Dale sin hoach druvva in laerning, 
 un dale sin nuch net ous em shpelling booch. Dart wore 
 der boo os mere ols es lowsich golb g'haessa hen. Are is
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 223 
 
 rtow en Shtate Senator un der karl woo ene ols b'shimpt 
 hut wile si fodder net ols nuch far der General Jackson 
 ga-vote hut, mauched si laeva mit huckel-beera ruppa un 
 sheena-basum farkawfa, un oil sin tsufritta mit eram blotz. 
 Aner sooched far ebbes tsu essa un der onner sooched far 
 en obbadit un luss mich dere sawga, der mon woo goot 
 g'satisfied is mit nix is ahead. De weldt is en mower ; yada 
 mensch is en shtae, un yadera hut si blotz. Dale sin de eck- 
 shtse un wara uft ba-gooked, un dale sin in der mit fun der 
 wond woo se es dawges-licht net saena, un duch sin se note- 
 wennich far de mower uff haeva. 
 
 Nuch anes is mere ei-cooma. un sell is os mer shtor- 
 rick oldt wara. De menshta fun uns sin doh shunt ivver 
 middawg, un boll coomed de nocht. Mere shtarta nows 
 morgets un maena der dawg het ken end. Won der mid- 
 dawg doh is don coomds uns ei os des laeva duch net so 
 long is os mere g'maned hen, un won owet coomed don 
 sin mere oil ready far hame gae in de rhue. 
 
 EM WANNAMAKER SI KARRICH HOPE. 
 
 WILE ich shunt long nimmy in Fildelfy wore hen 
 ich un de Polly ous-g'maucht mere wetta amohl widder nun- 
 ner, un we em Billy Bixler si fraw ous-g'funna hut os mere 
 gsena hut se draff insist se wet mit. So em Dunnershdawg 
 en woch sin mere g'shtart, un wile mere en gons yohr hardt 
 shoffa missa hen mere ous-g'maucht mere wetta gae in oiler 
 shtyle un hen anes fun em Pullman sina shlofe-kars g'num- 
 ma. Now, de shlofe-kars sin awenich ordlich tzomma 
 gadoo. De bedder sin in de tswae sida fun der kar un gooka 
 awenich we hinkelneshter in ma giles-droke. Forna on 
 yadem bed is en hap far der hinner shloopa. De ceiling is 
 usht about dri foos hoach un es bed nembt de gons shtoop 
 uff. Ich hob en arbarmse tzeit g'hot far mich ous-do. Olla 
 mohl os ich mich, uff g'hucked hob hov ich my kup wedder 
 de ceiling ga-boomped. Endlich hov ich mich uff der rick 
 g'laiked, my gallus lose g'maucht un by degrees my hussa
 
 224 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 ob g'shoft we en shlong era howd. Derno hen mere bro- 
 veered tsu shlofa, awer sell wore ous der question. De kars 
 sin g'shprunga we olla sobberment dorrich bafrick un 
 dawl, hivvel nuff un hivvel nunner, um ecka room os es em 
 shier ous em bed g'shmissa hut, un olla gabut hut der en- 
 gineer marderlosich gablosa. 
 
 On about tswelf uhr hov ich woonerbawre leib- 
 schmartza greeked. De Polly hut era buddle guldendure 
 ous eram carapet-bag greeked un hut mich gadosed, awver 
 es hut g'seemed nix tsu helfa un endlich bin ich uff un 
 amohl nuch em wedder ga-gooked. We ich tzurick cooma 
 bin hov ich net my bed finna kenna un we ich om soocha 
 wore don sane ich ebber in de kar cooma. Ich hob en 
 shprung ga-maucht un bin, by gosh, grawd in ma frem 
 weipsmensch si bed ni ga-joomped, un des gadeer hut aw- 
 fonga greisha we en bender un kicka we en blinder asel. 
 Era bae sin gonga we en patent hoy wenner un in all dem 
 droovel is de Pully dertzoo cooma. "Des sin mere shsene 
 g'shpoochta far en oldter mon," hut se g'sawd. Ich hob 
 explained we's mere gonga ware, awver se hut druff insist 
 ich het's parrabus gadoo un ebs ding farby wore hut se de 
 moodergichtera g'hot. Mere hen g'shtridda waega dem ding 
 bis hellichter dawg un derno sin mer widder ons uff g'sharra. 
 Ich hob dri-fardle shtoond g'shoft bis ich my hussa widder 
 aw hob g'hot. We mere endlich uff wora is en nseger room 
 cooma un hut g'sawd es morga essa ware reddy. Mere sin 
 in de dining kar un uns on en glae dishly g'hucked. Es 
 wore ken dihinkers ding druff os en buddle wasser un 
 messera un govvela. Gli is der nseger tsurick cooma un hut 
 der Polly en kord gevva. Se wore oil in Loddinish ga- 
 drookt un mere hen ken wordt derfun laesa kenna. Endlich 
 hov ich em naeger g'sawd won are so goot si wet don set are 
 uns ebbes tsu essa bringa. Are hut g'frogt wos mere wetta, 
 un wile ich gf'wist hob we sei-ish os se charga far olles on so 
 bletz hov ich g'sawd are set uns budder-brode un coffee 
 bringa. Un denk amohl draw, der schwartz shellem hut 
 uns en dawler's shtick ga-charged far so en morga-pssa.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 225 
 
 Om Hawsa Barrick con ich en goot essa uff sees-grawd 
 odder schnitz un knep greega for en fardle. Es wore ae 
 karl naixt by uns g'setzed un dare hut booch-waetza koocha, 
 malossich, flaish, oyer un olles goodes g'essa os du draw 
 denka kensht. Ich wet os si bill finf dawler wore. 
 
 Endlich sin mer don in Fildelfy cooma. Mere hen so 
 feel fun em John Wanamaker sime shtore g'laesa g'hot os 
 mere agreed hen mere daida gae ene saena far es arsht ding. 
 Mere sin in si shtore un ich hob g'frogt woo der John is. 
 Se hen g'sawd are ware drows om malossich tzoppa. Mere 
 hen awile ga-wardt un we are net ni cooma is sin mere dor- 
 rich si shtore nows, un so en shtore husht du in dime dawg- 
 un-des-laeves net g'saena. Are is farhoftich so grose os en 
 glaene boweri. Oil es goods wore nunner ga-maricked. 
 Es arsht marrick wore about tswae mohl so feel os es goods 
 wardt wore un derno hen se der brise in der mid dorrich 
 g'schnidda, un uff sell hen se nuch en gooder brofit g'hot. 
 De Polly hut en gown kawfa wella. Se hut der glarrick 
 g'frogt eb es blaicha daid un are hut g'sawd es daid net. 
 "Ich glawb os es doot," hut se g'sawd. "Doh, Gottlieb, shtell 
 dich hare un kow des far ssena eb de forreb rows coomed 
 bis ich gae nu sae eb ich mich net besser soota con." Now, 
 denk amohl on en oldter mon, dri-un-sivvatzich yohr oldt, 
 on ma counter shtae un dooch kowa we en kolb wons ma 
 gowl der schwontz ob f ressed ! Awer ich hob's gadoo far 
 freeda holdta, un endlich is se tzurick cooma un agreed es 
 shtick nemma won der glarrick era en fardle yord ob shmisa 
 daid woo ich draw gakowed hob! 
 
 Far dri saliche shtoond bin ich denna weipsleit noach 
 ga-luffa we der farlora soo bis se fardich wora "shoppa." 
 Eb mere nows sin is en oldter mon tsu mere. cooma os ga- 
 gooked hut we de pickters fun da Appushtla in der Beevil. 
 Si bawrd wore en foos long un so wise os schnae. 
 
 "Des is en grosser karrich-hofe," hut are g'sawd. 
 
 "Farwass ?" 
 
 "Doh in dem shtore is woo farleicht en dowsend shtore- 
 keepers fargrawva sin."
 
 226 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 "Ich farshtae dich net," hov ich g'sawd. 
 
 "Well, dare shtore hut boll oil de glaena shtore um 
 Fildelfy room uff gabrucha. Mon os en goode business 
 gadoo hen ufT gredit far de leit accommodata kenna net 
 competa, un we de leit ous-g'funna hen os se welfler doh 
 kawfa kenna far cash os se dahame kenna uff gredit, hen se 
 era shtore-keeper de accounts galust un em Wanny es geld 
 gabrucht. Won se dahame gablivva wara un cash batzwaled 
 don hetta se farleicht usht so goot do kenna un es geld ware 
 gablivva by leit woo helfa de toxa batzawla un de shtettle 
 uff holda, awer so gaits oil fun hame un der country shtore- 
 keeper waerdt fargrawva unich sina 'bicher.' " 
 
 "Un we long waerd des ?" 
 
 "Usht so long os leit net draw denka os era nuchber aw 
 laeva muss. Olla yohr waerdt's shlimmer. De wolfla rigel- 
 wsega bringa oil der hondle noach der city, un wons nuch a 
 pawr yohr so aw-holdt don hen mere usht nuch a shtore in 
 Pennsylfawney un der Wanamaker kawfed tswae hundred 
 un fooftzich dowsend dawler pickter far wisa we reich os 
 are is." 
 
 "Yaw," hov ich g'sawd, "Won mer geld hut maucht 
 mer der divel donsa." 
 
 "Noddeerlich, un der Johnny shpeeled de gike." 
 
 EM MIKE SENDAPETZER SI SHTYLISHE FRAU. 
 
 ICH hob dich de ledsht woch farlussa ons Wanamak- 
 er's. Ich wore net holver fardich mit minera Fildelfy trip, 
 awver ich hob ous-g'funna os es mer tsu long waerdt far 
 olles shriva in ame brief. 
 
 Es wore shunt dri uhr im nummydawg we mere wid- 
 der nows g'shtart sin far nuch mae fun Fildelfy sasna. Om 
 Hawsa Barrick doot yader ebber anonner de tzeit beeda 
 eb mer de leit kent odder net. Doh in Fildelfy hen mere 
 gli ous-g'funna os mer sell net do con won mer sich oonich 
 da fees hous holdta will. Mere sin de shtrossa ga-luffa far 
 en longe tzeit bis endlich sin mere on en grose wasser
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 
 
 cooma woo grosse shiff druff wora. On ame blotz hut's 
 galaesa "Ferry to Camden." De Bixlery hut g'sawd 
 "Camden" in English ware "Konadaw" in Deitsch, un 
 wile mere so feel ga-lsesa hen g'hot fun Konadaw dorrich 
 der greek woo de leit onna sin woo gadraft wora onshtots 
 sich der finger ob hocka, hen mere ous-gamaucht mere 
 gingta, un ich bin ni un dri tickets gakawfed far fooftzae 
 cent. Mere hen uns in en shaene shtoop g'hucked un 
 gaward far der boat un gli sin de leit ni cooma so dick os 
 mer net nows gooka hen kenna. We mere about en 
 fardle shtoond doh ni ga-crowd wora we shofe inera ben 
 hut en bell awfonga tola, un de leit sin awfonga nows 
 shpringa. Ich hob g'sawd es ware aragets en fire un ich 
 daid aw mit gae's helfa ous-maucha, awver de Polly hut 
 g'sawd: "Gottleib, du bleibsht usht grawd doh. Du husht 
 ken kivvel far wasser drawga un bis du onna koomsht hen 
 se's anyhow ouse." We mer awile gons moodersaelich 
 arise g'hucked hen is en karl room cooma mit ma bloa ruck 
 un gsele knep un hut uns g'frogt eb mere net runner 
 wetta. Ich hob g'sawd mere hetta finf cent es shtick 
 batzawled far en ride un mere daida net nows gae bis mere 
 se hetta. Are hut awenich ous ame awk galocht un is 
 fardt sinera bisniss noach. Gli wore de shtoop widder full 
 leit. Un we se wile drin wora hut widder de bell ga- 
 tolled un se sin widder awfonga nows shpringa we de uxa. 
 Ich hob der karl saena cooma mit der soldawta glaeder un 
 bin uff g'shtepped un hob ene g'frogt wos oil des maned, 
 un derno hov ich, behold you, ous g'funna os mere in 
 Konadaw wora un widder tsurick un hen's net g'wist. 
 Wos ich g'saena hob fun Konadaw daid ich's gor net 
 gleicha. Ich hob's aw on'ra schlechta tzeit g'saena. Se hen 
 schware raega g'hot un es wore shier olles unner wasser. 
 
 Derno sin mere ous g'shtart far der Bixlery era 
 brooder soocha woo mere g'tzaeled hen uff-shtella far de 
 nocht. Du waisht de Bixlery is en duchter fum oldta 
 Sammy Sendapetzer un der Mike, era brooder, hut selly 
 Fildelfy fraw g'hired woo ich dere derfun g'shrivva hob in
 
 228 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 meim booch. Endlich hen mere der blotz g'funna un hen 
 de bell ga-roonga. En koal schwartz nseger maidel is 
 rouse cooma un uns in en shtoop ni ga-wissa. Derno is 
 se uff ga-luffa tsu mere, era hond nows g'shtecked far 
 hands shaka. Ich hob era hond g'numma un hob g'sawd, 
 "We gaits? Is der Mike dahame?" Se hut ga-locht un 
 hut g'sawd, "Card, please?" Ich hob era so goot ous ga- 
 laiked in- English os ich hob kenna os ich net korda 
 shpeela daid. Se is nows un era schnoop-duch ons mowl 
 g'hova un g'hooshed. "Doh gaen ich nows," hov ich 
 g'sawd. "Mere cooma widder in en doonersy skrape." 
 De weipsleit hen awver draff insist mere daida bliva bis 
 der Mike coomed, un endlich is de Sendapetzery don ni 
 cooma, un so shae we des weips-mensch aw-gadoo wore 
 husht du in dime laeve nix g'saena. Se hut uns, of course, 
 ga-kent un hut hands g'shaked gons room, awver se hut. 
 era hond tsu mere g'hova os won se im dake ga-west ware 
 un ich hob usht ganunk holdt greekt derfuri far wissa os 
 ich ebbes in der hond hob. Se hut g'sawd se ware "aw 
 so weeal glad to see us because we hailed from the 
 deah old Hawsa Barrick." Now, Hawsa Barrick 
 rhymed net mit so farflompte norr-heita, un es hut mich 
 ga-mawned os won mer wasser drinked ous em wesh- 
 pitcher un schlooked en shpoola naitz. Awver gli is der 
 Mike hame cooma un mer hen en goode tzeit g'hot, hen 
 fun oldte tzeida g'schwetzed far en holb shtoond odder so, 
 don, by-gosh, coomed des looder widder in de shtoop un 
 der Mike wore en. ga-wexelder mon. Are wore usht om 
 locha we se ni cooma is un si mowl is tsoo gonga we en 
 hawsa-foll de minutt os are se g'saena hut. Ich hob 
 noachderhond ous g'funna os es nimmy fashionable is far 
 locha. Gli hut de bell ga-roonga far es nocht essa. Se 
 hen g'sawd es ware far "dinner." Ich hob on my watch 
 ga-gooked un es wore holver sivva. Ich hob der Mike 
 g'frogt wos des maned un are hut g'sawd in fashionable 
 circles daida se breakfesh essa on elfa, dinner on sexa un 
 supper der naixt dawg. Un dare dish hedsht du saena sulla !
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 22Q 
 
 Un de shtyle ! Mere wora gons ous blotz. Awver mere 
 wora net arlae. Der Mike wore by uns. Ware schnitz un 
 knepp un sida-shpeck fressed far dreisich yohr on em oldta 
 Sammy Sendapetzer sime dish we der Mike hut, dare con 
 sich net shicka in "so-saw-ity" in dri yohr. Ich hob dri 
 deller-full soop hand-running g'essa. Es wore, be-gosh, nix 
 dart os soop, awver g.li sin de goota socha awfonga ni 
 cooma. Awver ich wore full . Ich hob ga-bade far en 
 onerer mawga awver ich denk net os der Goot Mon aniche 
 extra mawga room lia hut far so en oldter norr we ich. De 
 chance fun meim Iseva wore farby un eb ich's g'wist hob 
 hov ich widder my foos in de foil greekt. Ae bledly-full 
 gale shtuft wore naiva on meim deller g'shtonna. Ich hob 
 net g'wist wos es is awver hob my mind uff g'maucht far 
 ous-tsufinna. Ich hob en leffel-full uff g'shepped un bin 
 g'shtart far's mowl. Der leffel is onna cooma uff rigel- 
 wake tzeit, awver are hut nix ga-brucht. Ich hob my bawrd, 
 my broosht un my hussa-lotz unnersoocht awver hob nix 
 g'funna. Der Mike hut aw-fonga locha awver si fraw hut 
 ene aw ga-gooked un de hawsa-foll is tsoo gonga. Are hut 
 derno explained os sell ware en fasionable dish os se "float- 
 ing island" haesa data in onery wordta, "wind pudding." 
 "Un is des 'wind-pudding?'" hov ich g'sawd. "Well, 
 now ! Ich hob shunt so feel fun dem shtuft g'hserd. Des 
 is uff wos geitziche g'mana era porra feedera won de 
 gleeder mse grishdadoon hen os garechtichkeit. 
 
 GRISHDENDOOM IN GA-KOOSHENDE SITZ. 
 
 NOACH em grossa supper ons Sendapetzers bin ich un 
 der Mike in de shtoop un unser pifa aw-g'shteked. Derno 
 hen mere ivver oldte tzeida gablowdered. Ich hob gli ous- 
 g'funna os der Mike wide fun g'satisfied is un daid garn 
 widder tsurick on der Hawsa Barrick tzeega, awver si fraw 
 arlawbts net. Ich hob erne g'sawd so shae we are olles doh 
 het set are net groomla, awver are hut g'sawd : 
 
 "Gottlieb, du farshtaesht de socha net. Ich bin en bar-
 
 230 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 rick-knobber gabora un blibe aner so long os ich laeb. My 
 f raw is en 'so-saw-ity' bell, un won se net drows is calls 
 maucha don shpringt se uff der shtrose room geld somla 
 far wolliche blankets kawfa far de hida in Ofrikaw woo de 
 soon so haes is os se em de hore ob sengt. Se is de helft 
 tzeit net dahame. Karrich, bade-shtoond, missionary 
 meeting. Woman's Aid Society, Epworth League, Chris- 
 tian Endeavor, Woman's Christian Temperance Union un 
 der dihenker wase net tsu was se nuch kared. Ich greek 
 se farhoftich ols ebmohls en gonse woch se net tsu saena ex- 
 cept om dish, un derno muss ich so ocht gevva os ich net 
 flooch won se mere fartzaeled waega oil denna socha os ich 
 my essa net enjoya con sell is, won mere ebbes tsu essa 
 hen awver we will se ebbes tsu-rishta won se de gons 
 tzeit uff der shtrose room hommeled? Ich hob shunt lift 
 gawoonered eb der lieb Gutt's fun ame frogt os mer si gons 
 laeva tsu bringa muss on so socha noach springa un si 
 familia farloppa usht far in der Himmel cooma. Ich winch 
 ols ebmohls ich ware druvva om Elia Kup, hinnich em 
 Hawsa Barrick, so os ich mich usht amohl recht sot floocha 
 kent. Awver doh darf ich's net do. Won ols era freind 
 cooma far en eems essa don gait olles so nice hare os es 
 mere farlsed. Ich darf net loud locha. Un essa! Well? 
 Dahame hov ich ols en shtick ebbel-boy in de hond g'num- 
 ma un en koft rous gabissa we en shtiffel-tzeeger. Now 
 muss ich boy essa mit der govvel, un in rechte glsene 
 sticklin on sellem. Awver ich bin willins anicher wake 
 tsu essa won usht ebbes uff em dish is, far won de coom- 
 bany fardt is muss ich 'leevens' fressa far en gonse woch, un 
 de mensht tzeit shtane ich om shonk far sell do. Der on- 
 ner dawg is era porra cooma far by uns essa un we se mich 
 om dish hut g'hot hut se eme ous galaiked we schlecht os 
 ich ware. Are hut mere g'sawd ich daid lavendich in de 
 hell gae. Ich hob eme g'sawd es daid mere ken unnershit 
 maucha wile's doh about so hase is os der divel's maucha 
 kent. Are is shier umechtich worra, un de fraw hut mich 
 aw-gooked os won se en butcher-messer im mowl het.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 231 
 
 Awver es hut de bisniss g'settled un de oldt hut net tsu 
 mere g'schwetzed bis dere heit cooma sint, un won dere 
 widder gaed don fong ich's. Wos denksht du fun so grish- 
 dadoom, Gottlieb?" 
 
 "Well, Alike," hov ich g'savvd, "ich dower dich fun 
 hartza. Du husht evva en kotz im sock gakawfed. Won 
 du net em oldta Sammy Sendapetzer si reicher boo g'west 
 waersht don het se dich net om Hawsa Barrick uff 
 g'soocht," un ivver dem sin de weipsleit ni cooma un es ga- 
 blowder hut g'shtupped. 
 
 Der naixt dawg wore Soondawg, un mere sin oil in 
 de karrich. Der Mike hut en sitz os ene en hoonert-un- 
 fooftzich dawler es yohr kusht, un 'sis bout en shsener sitz, 
 gons forna im asmen corner. Der porra hut en boomer- 
 awelishe goode breddich gadoo wsega em Grishturrel Col- 
 umbus we are nuch em himmel g'fora is uff em firicha 
 wauga, un hut sina gleeder derno ousgalaiked we se 
 g'senked daida worra won se net der recht glauva hetta un 
 daida erne rechtshoffa geld in de ribba sheeva. Ich hob 
 ene ovver de helft tzeit net sana kenna wile en weips- 
 mensch grawd fonna on mere g'hucked hut mit ma hoot 
 full federa os ga-gooked hut we en po-hawna won are der 
 schwantz uff-schteld. Ich hob se g'frogt eb se net so good 
 si wet un daid era band-wauga fum kup nemma, awer se 
 hut mich net aw-g'horriched. Es hut mich gor net on de 
 Hawsa Barrick karrich gamawned. Es singa is olles by 
 em choir gadoo warra. Ich hob nix g'hared fun sella 
 oldta bakonta leeder, "Es is Gawisslich on Der Tzeit," un 
 "Ein Feshter Berg is Unser Gutt." We da breddich farby 
 wore un der fore-shtayer is room g'shtart mit em glingle- 
 seckly, don hut en weipsmensch es arbarmlicht awfonga 
 singa uff der board-karrich os du in dime laeva g'hart husht. 
 Se hut ebbes g'soonga wsega da doolabawna in der Bock- 
 moold Valley. Se is oil recht dorrich de arsht line cooma, 
 awver we se on de tswet cooma is hov ich farhoftich ga- 
 glawbed se farworrickst. Se hut g'hooshed un g'hickeled
 
 232 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 we en hounse won are en g'nucha g'schlooked hut. Es wore 
 ebbes we des : 
 
 "They toil not toil, toil, toil not ; 
 
 Toil, toil, toil not. 
 They toil not, they toil, toil, toil not 
 
 A r --j-ther do they spin. 
 They spin, they spin, they spin, 
 
 T-H-E-Y S-P-I-N!! 
 
 Un we se fardich wore hov ich der Polly ins ore ga- 
 pishpered, "Gut si donk se is dote!" 
 
 WIDDER DAHAME. 
 
 Du denksht ferleicht ich bin dote odder so gor nuch 
 in Fildelfy. Awer ich bin widder dahame om Barrick 
 de lavendicht oldt howd im lond. 
 
 Mer hen nuch grosse tzeida g'hot eb mer Fildelfy far- 
 lussa hen. De nocht eb mer hame g'shtart sin, sin mere 
 in der Theater, un ich hob mich fartzarndt bis ich gronk 
 wore. Es wore en Naeger ghow, un se hen ae older, grow- 
 keipcher Naeger dort room ga-drockdeered os es en sind un 
 en shont wore. Se hen ene farkawfed onera fendu, un der 
 mon woo ene ei-gabudda hut, hut ene g'hocked mitera 
 for-gaishel bis are rhona uff seim schwartza bartzel hut 
 g'hot we brode-warsht. Are hut en glae wise maedel by sich 
 g'hot un de hut ene larna de Beevil laesa, un hut ols mit 
 erne gabade. Se hen se "Aafee" g'haesa. Endlich is de 
 Aafee g'shtarva un in der Himmel gonga. Yaw, in der 
 Himmel. Ich hob se selver saena ni gae, un ich hob usht 
 gawinched der Sam Seeshuls, woo net on en Himmel 
 glawbed, ware by uns g'west so os are amohl selver ni saena 
 het kenna. De Polly hut rutz un wasser g'hiled. Se hut 
 nimmy g'hiled g'hot sidder os ich es ledsht mohl hame cooma 
 bin im boox. 
 
 Well, we des maedly dote wore hen se widder der oldt 
 mon awfonga drockdeera bis endlich bin ich uff-ga-joompt 
 un g'sawd won selly bisniss now net shtuppa daid don daid
 
 BOONASTIEL. 233 
 
 ich amohl selver en bond drin nemma. Eb ich maener 
 savvga hob kenna is en karl mit soldier glaeder room 
 cooma tin hut g'sawd won ich mich net dishtera daid don 
 daid are mich nows. Ich hob eme g'sawd ich ware der 
 Gottleib Boonastiel fum Hawsa Barrick, un won are nuch 
 mse fun mere wissa wet set are mit nows in de alley shteppa. 
 Are hut g'sawd des ware usht en play un neemond daid wse 
 gadoo warra ; es ware usht far wisa we de Demagrawda in 
 der South ols de g'schlawfa ga-treat hen far em greek. 
 Sell hut mich widder tsu meim farshtond gabrucht, un de 
 Polly hut g'sawd se daid widder Gutt donka os era liever 
 Gottleib ken Demagrawd ware. 
 
 Noach em show sin mere ons wartzhouse far ivver 
 nocht bliva wile mere der naixt morga free hame shtarta 
 hen wella. Se hen uns nuff g'fora uff em alligator bis mere 
 de hawna nimmy g'hsered hen, un derno uns es bed g'wissa. 
 In ame eck fun der shtoop wore en hoy-shtrick. Ich hob 
 der Naeger g'frogt farwass os sell ware. Are hut g'sawd 
 es ware'n fire-eshcape ; dos, in case es wartzhouse daid fire 
 fonga don set ich de Polly on ae end fum shtrick binna, se 
 nunner lussa un derno hinna noach groddla. Haryom- 
 mer ! Denk amohl draw. En hoonert millune foos on 
 ma hoy-shtrick nunner groddla im hem ! De gadonka hen 
 mich so fargelshtered os ich long net shlofa hob kenna, 
 un won aw olles recht g'west ware het ich -anyhow net 
 kenna wile es licht uns de gons nocht in de awga ni 
 g'shined hut os es em shier blindt g'mauched hut. Mer hen 
 broveered es ousebloasa awer hen net kenna wiles in era 
 glaena buddel wore un mer hetta usht so good in der 
 windt gabloasa. Morgets sin mer free ob-g'shtart un bis 
 owets wora mer widder dahame. 
 
 Froh ! Well now, es hinkelfedder kissy uff em oldta 
 rhoda shuckel-shtool wore si laeva net so waich, un brode- 
 warsht un booch-waetza coocha si lasva net so sees. Ich wet 
 liever der Polly era te-kessel hara singa os de moosic fun 
 der beshta band, un won ich in meim agena bed lie don feel 
 ich os won ich im himmel room fora daid uff'ra wolk, en
 
 234 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 fawna uff em hoot un en shtick leb-koocha in yadera bond. 
 De ni-fangleda socha shtsena mere gor net aw. Ich 
 glawb os es yader ebber batzawled far nuch Fildelfy gse 
 usht far saena we en glsene grut os der mensch is in dem 
 grossa feldt. Won mohl en mon denked os de weldt gingt 
 imner, de fegel shtuppa singa un es wasser lawfa won are 
 shtarva set, don set are grawd ob shtarta nuch Fildelfy 
 so os are ousfindt we en awrem-saliche grayadoor os are is. 
 Ich hob feel g'larned in minera trip, awver noach dem, un 
 won ich my pick hob far my shooling greega in Fildelfy 
 odder in der jail, don greeked der shrief en boarder. 
 
 DER TSWA KEPPICH ELEFONT. 
 
 ICH hob dere shunt so long nimmy g'shrivva dos de 
 leit boll denka ich ware dote ; awer ich bin nuch so lavendich 
 os en oldte rot in ma grossa kase. 
 
 Der winder wore hardt uff uns barrick leit, un duch net 
 holver so hordt os my un der Polly era bed. Mer hen der 
 sprowersock ouse-ga-lart un tsu der koo g'feedered we's 
 fooder oil wore un hen uff da shtrick g'shlofa. Mere wora, 
 by chucks, boll oil farhoongered un es hut mich g'mawned 
 on de Cleveland tzeida we mere nix mse g'hot hen os soop. 
 
 Un sell g'mawned mich usht draw os mere widder des 
 shpote-yohr en President electa missa, un derno gebts band 
 moosic, fet-lomp parades, meetings, shpeeches, un konda- 
 dawta os room cooma un setza de jiggers uff ous der 
 schwartza buddle. Mer hen usht der onner owet derfun ga- 
 blowdered ons Hullerhecka wartzhouse. Es wore en holb- 
 dutzent Demagrawda dart un kenner hut feel tsu sawga 
 g'hot. Der Billy Bixler hut g'sawd de Hawsabarrick dele- 
 gation wist nuch net eb se far der Bryan odder der Cleve- 
 land shtimma daita. Feel, hut are g'sawd, daida der Cleve- 
 land gleicha wile are der Bryan net leida kent, un onery 
 daida der Bryan gleicha wile are der Grover so shontlosich 
 shtumbera con. Are hut g'maned se daida en shtorke fuhr
 
 FUM BOONASTIEL. 235 
 
 maucha won mer se tzomma shponna kent awer de bugger 
 daida 'nonner de hsesa ob kicka. 
 
 Ich hob ene g'frogt wos letz ware mit em Hearst. 
 "Der Hearst," hut are g'sawd, "con net schwetza, der 
 Cleveland doot net schwetza, un der Bryan shtupped net 
 schwetza." Se hen endlich agreed os de Demagrawdish 
 pardy tswa kep het der Cleveland on ame end un der 
 Bryan om onera, un sell hut mich on em Sam Seeshuls si 
 elefont gamawned. Der Sam is a pawr yohr tzrick on en 
 circus show gonga. Eb are ni is hut are a pawr freind aw- 
 ga-druffa un yada fun ena hut ene g'frogt far mit hinich de 
 tent shteppa so we mer evva doot un bis are room cooma 
 is wore are ordlich good ga-jiggert. Se hen usht ae ring 
 g'hot awer der Sam hut dri g'saena, un de wora inanonner 
 g'henked ween odd- feller sign. Endlich coomed der elefont 
 ni un we der Sam ene g'ssena hut is are fun seim sitz run- 
 ner un tzoom ring ni. "Sell is en load hoy, un ich con der 
 mon ledera os awgt os es en gadeer is !" Der elefont hut 
 g'saena os der Sam ous em blotz is, hut ene om sitz uff 
 ga-pocked mit seim schnovvel un ivver der shtrick nows 
 g'shmissa. Der Sam is uff-gagroddled, si hoot greeked, un 
 derno hut are awfonga tzoom elefonte schwetza : 
 
 "Du lop-oricher, tswa-schwentzicher gritz-sobberment. 
 Won ich wist on wellem end os di kup is dait ich dere di 
 dooners harn rouse schloga !" 
 
 Sell is der graisht druvvel os de Republicans hen des 
 yohr se wissa net on wellem end awfonga for der elefonte 
 ledera. Der Bryan maned wile are tswae mole galeddered is 
 wara set are se mohl elect warra. Are g'mauned mich on 
 der Johnny Lebkicher os om dish wore we se ob-gakuchte 
 schnitz hen g'hot far supper. De bree fun denna schnitz 
 wore olsfart feel aw-g'saena far doonkes. Der Johnny hut 
 schnitz g'fressa bis are shier farshproonga is so os are on 
 de bree con, un we are se usht about oil g'essa hut g'hot, hut 
 si brooder, der Jeckey, de shissel nows g'numma un aw- 
 fonga doonka. "Sell shtand ich by em drunner net," hut der 
 Johnny g'sawd, "ich hob de schnitz g'fressa un now will ich
 
 236 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 aw de bree!" Der Bryan hut de schnitz g'fressa un now 
 will are aw de bree, un are set se aw hovva, ovver der 
 Cleveland, der Hearst un der Chuch Parker hen de shissel 
 drows un sin heftich om doonka. 
 
 Se sin aw in grosser druvvel far blonka finna far en 
 platform, un se offera en hunert dawler tzum mon os aney 
 uff shtelt far se. So we's gooked nemts net feel hulse. 
 Blotz for en holb dutzent mon druff tsu shtae seemed gross 
 ganunk wile oil de leit far der Teddy shtimma. 
 
 Yaw, de Demagrawda hen yoh en shtoombich feldt tsu 
 blooga. Un se wella es du mit filler. Der oldt Sammy 
 Sendapetzer is amohl dorrich der bush tsu fora cooma mit 
 tswae filler in ma blutz-wauga. Are is ivver felsa, bleck 
 un shtoomba nows os der schmoke g'floga is. "Farwass 
 bleibsht do net im wake, Sam?" hov ich ene g'frogt. "Im 
 wake?" hut are g'sawd, "by em shinner won mer mit filler 
 fawrdt gait mer onna woo mer con net woo mer will." Se 
 sin ivver de Tariff shtawga-fense mit em Cleveland un 
 ivver de Free Silver glifta nunner mit em Bryan. Es 
 nembt gawiss en gooder fuhrmon far se im wake holda un 
 net um-schmisa. 
 
 Won se der Teddy hetta far de whip cracka don daits 
 onishter gae. Are con anich ebbes fawra os der wake 
 coomed, un anich ebbes rida os hore hut. Are is we en shill- 
 grut ivverall dahame wo are shtupped awver far de 
 naixta fier yohr h'enked are si hoot uff om oldta blotz on 
 der naugle hinnich der deer im Wisa House. 
 
 DER ASEL IN DER GILES HOWD. 
 
 Es WORE amohl en asel un dem is es farlsed worra en 
 asel lenger tsu si. Are hut g'frogt far in onery glaider aw 
 gadoo si os are gooka mecht we en gowl odder en ux. 
 Don sin se draw un hen en giles howd ivver ene g'shtripped. 
 hen si ora nunner gaboona un hen ene nows uff der wake 
 galust far si a?ga Iseva soocha. Gli is en drofe uxa der wake 
 cooma un we se des ouslandish gadeer g'saena hen hen se de
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 237 
 
 schwentz in de hae un sin gfshproonga we narrish far ous em 
 wake cooma. Des hut der asel gakitzeled os are awfonga 
 hut locha, un we se si shtim g'hared hen hen se grawd g'wist 
 wos are is, sin tsurick cooma un ene in de ribba gabored bis 
 rjre madderlich gablarfr hut. Are is hame un g'frogt far de 
 giles howd widder fun sich g'numma hovva, "Far," hut are 
 g'sawd, "es maucht nix ous we ich mich awdo, un we feel 
 os ich gook we en onner gadeer, so g'schwint os ich my 
 mowl uff mauch don wase yader ware ich bin. Luss mich 
 widder en asel si." 
 
 Des g'mawned mich on de Demagrawdish convention 
 on St. Louis de ledsht woch. De party hut en platform 
 adopt, odder en glade gawova, os so naixt ga-gooked hut 
 we der Republican ruck os se hen kenna, un derno hen se 
 den ruck uff der Demagrawdish asel g'henked far ene gooka 
 maucha we en reshpectable gadeer un hen ene nows ga- 
 drivva. We de leit ene es arsht g'saena hen sin se far- 
 shrucka un des hut der asel so gableesed os are awfonga hut 
 schwetza, un we de Ni Yorrick tzeidunga g'saena hen os es 
 usht en giles howd ivver en asel g'shtripped is, sin se hinnich 
 ene un es arsht os mere g'hared hen hut der asel ga-tele- 
 graphed os si ruck daid ene net fitta,un won se erne net en 
 onera shicka daida os ivver si ora gingt daid are nimmy 
 lenger asel acta far se. Se hen erne wordt g'shicked dos der 
 blocka ware woo nemond en saena date, un are set sich 
 dishtera. Sidder hen mere nix mae fun erne g'hared. 
 
 Des is der wake os mere em Parker si nomination 
 nemma om Hawsa Barrick. Es wore hoodlerei fum awfong 
 tsu'm end, un we se fardich wora hen se nix g'hot tsu weisa 
 far oil era arawet os en kondadawt far Wise Bresident, un 
 sell g'mawned mich on der oldta Beckie Hetzel era wootsly. 
 De Beckie wore en woch fun hame un de kinner un der 
 knecht hen de boweri g'managed. We se hame cooma is 
 wore olles ous odder. "Oh ya," hut se g'sawd, "gook usht 
 amohl hee ! De glooka hen era neshter farlussa. de kee sin 
 net ga-mulka worra, un dart drows lied de oldt lose mit ame 
 yunga. So f ar-flompts management !" 
 
 16
 
 238 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 Un duch sawga se now se hetta en kondadawt far Bres- 
 dient won are shunt g'sawd hat are daid net lawfa. Parker 
 un Davis ! Aner huts net wella un der unner hut sich net 
 helfa kenna wile are ane-un-ochtzich yohr oldt is. Awver 
 are is dreisich millune dawler waerdt un se figgera os mit 
 sime oldta mess kenna se sich en nie pon kawfa. Aner is 
 en guld-demagrawd un der onner is en plutocrat. En 
 hardte dose tsu shlooka, awver es g'mawned mich om Davy 
 Moyer si keffer-bree "gor greishlich shtorrick, un brendt 
 we der dihenker, awver 'sis goot wons drunna is." 
 
 Em Moondawg owet we der Hawsa Barrick riggle- 
 wake uns de mas gabrucht hut fun der nomination hen mere 
 oil inera roy uff der bonk ons Hullerhecka wartz-house 
 g'hucked wile mere g'hared hen os en kondadawt der wake 
 drunna ware. Mere wora oil dorshtich un de froge is nod- 
 deerlich uff cooma wos der besht blan were far de menshta 
 drinks ous yader pardy greega des shpote-yohr. Der Billy 
 Bixler hut suggest mere setta en Brohibition sentiment tiff 
 greega un dale fun uns setta en wise bendly uff unser collar 
 shpella far kondadawda fum track shmisa, awver we mere 
 suggest hen os are set bresident fun der 'sociation si hut 
 are object wile are bahawbt hut es daid ene derno nemond 
 haesa far uff shteppa un en pull ous der schwartza buddle 
 nemma. Endlich hen mere agreed uff der Porra Mohler far 
 bresident wile are en tee-totler is, un der Billy Bixler far 
 secretary. Des gebt em Billy en chance far de checks 
 handla os tsu der 'sociation g'shicked wara far era infloo- 
 ence, un es ivverich tenda mere dertsu. Mere hen en plat- 
 form adopt, awver bis mere fardich wora huts shier blu- 
 diche kep gevva. Dale hen en synopsis fun der Republican 
 plaform nemma wella, dale hen en rale-down Prohibition 
 declaration of brincibles hovva wella, un endlich sin mere 
 anich worra un hen agreed uff en synopsis fun der St. Louis 
 Demagrawdisha platform wile sell nix maned. Se hen mich 
 un der Billy Bixler un der Bench Hess appoint uff en reso- 
 luter committee un des is wos mere ous g'maucht hen : 
 
 Resolfed : We belief in prohibition without restriction
 
 FUM BOONAST1EI,. 239 
 
 or conviction ; und that the use of spiritous or mault lickers 
 should be restricted to the few as a disadvantage to the 
 many who recognize the tariff in advalorum duty as a men- 
 ace to the specific brincibles regulating supply and demand. 
 
 Resolfed, That we endorse civic and religious reform 
 to the extent of abrogating all legislation on the licker traffic 
 to ourselves; believing that its destruction is best assured 
 when in the hands of those who know how to do away with 
 it. 
 
 Resolved, That these resolutions be printed in the 
 Hawsabarrick Blotter and spread on our minutes for thirty 
 days to dry. 
 
 Der Billy Bixler hut en minority report bresent un en 
 resolution os aw g'fonga hut mit, "We view with alarm," 
 wile are g'sawd hut sell daid de Demagrawda fonga, awver 
 se hen ene nunner ga-vote, un derno hen mere de platform 
 adopt as a hole un sin in executive session nuch der baer- 
 shtoop.
 
 240 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 AXIOMS AND EPIGRAMS. 
 
 (Shprich-Wordta.) 
 
 Note brecht eisa. 
 
 Aega loab shtinked. 
 
 Bobbeer is gaduldich. 
 
 Boriga maucht sorriga. 
 
 Glaene grutta hen aw gift. 
 
 Hoonger is der besht koch. 
 
 Ae aire is de onner waerdt. 
 
 Oona druvvel hut mer nix. 
 
 Farsprecha maucht shoolda. 
 
 Net g'shussa is aw farfailed. 
 
 Woo schmoke is is aw fire. 
 
 Ware net hserdt muss feela. 
 
 Ware awholt dare gwinned. 
 
 Ae norr maucht en hoonert. 
 
 Kortze hore sin gli gabarsht. 
 
 Glae un schmardt is aw waerdt. 
 
 We mers maucht so hut mers. 
 
 Nix g'sawked is yaw gamaned. 
 
 Gross gagrish un wennich woll. 
 
 En poffa sock hut ken buddem. 
 
 Good gawetzed is holver gamaid. 
 
 Ae asel based der onner long-ore. 
 
 En bissel laming is grosse g'fore. 
 
 Greene Grishdawg weise Oshtera. 
 
 Far denka con mer neemond henka. 
 
 Martza shtawb bringt Obrilla laub. 
 
 Kinner un norra sawga de woreheit. 
 
 En don shpits sich in era youchend. 
 
 En arlicha hond gait dorrich's lond. 
 
 Won mer der hoond dreft gowts are. 
 
 So rawr os shpeck in ma hoons-shtoll. 
 
 Won de kotz sot hut is der bri bidder. 
 
 Do is woo der haws im peffer hucked. 
 
 Greene Grishdawg, fetter karrich-hofe. 
 
 Was mer net wase maucht em net hase. 
 
 Ware good schmered dare good feered. 
 
 De morga shtoond hut guld im moond.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 24! 
 
 Mer moos sich noach der deck shtrecka. 
 
 Der obbel foldt net wide fum schtomm. 
 
 En gruvver bluck nembt en gruvver kidle. 
 
 En blinde sow findt aw ebmohls en aichel. 
 
 Was grevver is we dreck gate selver aweck. 
 
 Are is nix nootz woo ene de howd aw-raiked. 
 
 Besser en louse im growd os gor ken flaish. 
 
 En foox farleered si hore ovver net si nauba. 
 
 Was net froges waerdt is is net hovves waerdt. 
 
 Tsu wennich un tsu feel fardarbts es g'shpeel. 
 
 Besser en louse im growd os gor ken flaish. 
 
 Tsu sharf schneid net un tsu spitzich shtecht net. 
 
 Ware schmered mit dorr dare feared we'n norr. 
 
 Ma gashenkda gowl gooked mer net ins mowl. 
 
 Won der gowl g'shtola is schleesed mer de deer. 
 
 Ware lowered on der wondt haert si ageny shont. 
 
 Ware farhaled is so schlecht os dare woo shtaled. 
 
 Was mer net im kup hut greeked mer in de feese. 
 
 Yades muss si ageny howd tzoom gariver drawga. 
 
 Ware en groob grawbed far en onera faldt garn selver ni. 
 
 Besser en shtickly brode im sock os en fedderly uff em hoot. 
 
 Won mer sich in de g'fore gebt coomed mer garn drin oom. 
 
 Coomed mer ivver der hund, coomed mer ivver der schwantz. 
 
 Es wore nuch ken heffly so shep os mer ken deckel finna con far 
 druff. 
 
 En soo os awfongt woo si dawdy uff-gevva hut, gebt uff woo si 
 dawdy aw-g'funga hut. 
 
 De weldt is gross un der Himmel bloa. 
 Was anes net will is der onner froh. 
 Won ich geld hob bin ich looshtich. 
 Won ich kens hob bin ich grooshtich. 
 Ware sich enared mit fisha un yauga 
 Dare muss farrissne glaeder drawga. 
 Lieblich galabed un salich gashtarva 
 Is em divel si rechnung fardarva. 
 Looshtich ware nuch leddich is 
 Drowerich ware farshprucha is. 
 Ein bissel unsin don un won, 
 Is onganame by yadem mon. 
 Ware net coomed tsu rechter zeit, 
 Dare muss nemma was ivverich bleibt.
 
 POETRY. 
 
 " 
 
 Pennsylvania Dutch, 
 
 SELECTED.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 245 
 
 DEITSCHA LEEDER. 
 
 BY DR. A. R. HORN 
 
 DE OLDTA UN DE NIA TZEIDA. 
 
 'Sis olles hendich ei-garicht 
 
 In unsera goota tzeit, 
 Es brauch sich nemond bloga mas 
 
 Unless are is net g'scheit. 
 Der shteam doot olles far de leit, 
 
 Sell is yusht wos ich mane, 
 Un won mer argets he will gae 
 
 Don fordt mer uff der drain. 
 
 Es wore net so in oldter tzeit, 
 
 Sell wase ich fonna nows. 
 Es maucht ferleicht dale oldta base, 
 
 Duch sawg ich's f rei herous : 
 Se sin galuffa oil der wake 
 
 Fun finf bis fuftzich mile, 
 Un de wos ebbes reicher wora 
 
 Sin gonga uff da gile. 
 
 Sell wore de shtyle in oldter tzeit, 
 
 Des lawfa wore ken schond. 
 Wos is mer ols doh he gadrulled, 
 
 Sell is recht goot bakont. 
 'Sis nimmy so in unsera tzeit, 
 
 'S fordt yader won are con, 
 Un ware gor nimmy lawfa doot 
 
 Sell is der gentlemon. 
 
 Now fordt mer mit der engine kars 
 
 Sell is en eisner gowl. 
 Are schnauft un hecht we en onner shtick fee, 
 
 Duch saned mer gor ken mowl. 
 Dare w<erdt net meed, un won er shpringt 
 
 En hoonert dowsend mile, 
 Er hut aw sure der foretzook weit 
 
 Fun oil da onera gile.
 
 246 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 De drain is immer tzimlich foil 
 
 Fun olla sorta leit, 
 Un dale derfun sin greislich doom 
 
 De onera sin so g'scheit. 
 'S hut uffgabutza gentle leit, 
 
 Dale schwartza un dale weis, 
 Un ladies fun der rechta sart, 
 
 Wos sin se duch so nice. 
 
 Doh sitzt en rascal in dem sitz, 
 
 Un dort en gooter Christ; 
 Gli coomed so en dumme wooner-naws 
 
 Un frogt dich ware du bisht. 
 En frotzhons hucked uff sellem sitz, 
 
 Si ticked uff em hoot; 
 Are maned er ware des gons arise; 
 
 Wos feeled er duch so goot. 
 
 En porra hucked net weit aweck, 
 
 Dare maucht en long gasicht. 
 Dart drivva hucked so en rhoder karl, 
 
 Er gooked os we en licht. 
 Un wider drows is nuch en pawr 
 
 Uff era huchtzich trip, 
 Se bliva net so orrick long, 
 
 Des wet ich duch en fip. 
 
 Doh sitst en weipsmensch mit ma kind 
 
 Es greisht em dull un daub. 
 De kars gaen marrickwardich shtark, 
 
 Wos raised des duch en shtaub ; 
 Mer waerdt foil dreck fun kup tsu foos 
 
 Fun kohla-esh. un shmoke. 
 Duch oil des shtand mer gnaedlich 
 
 Os en tzimlich gooter joke. 
 
 De kars dunnera dorrich barrick un dahl 
 
 En lieve longe shtoond, 
 Un won se dorrich en tunnel gait, 
 
 Doh saned mer gor ken soon.
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 247 
 
 Mer muss aw immer in engshta si, 
 
 Se shpringa fun dem track, 
 Odder dreffa ferleicht en rins shtick fee 
 Wos gebt es don derno? 
 
 Don gebts en greislich accident, 
 
 Un olles waerdt f ershtared ; 
 De weipsleit warra u-mechtich, 
 
 De monsleit sin fartzagt. 
 Der engineer blossed marderlich, 
 
 De engine gait druff lose. 
 No shpringa se wedder en oldte koo, 
 
 Wos gebts 'ra duch en shtose ! 
 
 So en shtose is mer net ga-waned ; 
 
 Dar maucht em daub un doom, 
 Un dale de schloga bartzelbaum, 
 
 Un kenna net recht room. 
 Dale shtaena no uff hend un fees 
 
 Se holdta fesht om floor, 
 Un yader winsht er ware dahame 
 
 Ous dara.grossa g'fohr. 
 
 So 8 a it es evva uff der train ; 
 
 Ich hase es orrick shae. 
 Mer greeked ken kup-wae fun der hitz, 
 
 Un aw ken meede bae. 
 Mer kawfed si ticked fonna nows, 
 
 Don is mer oil O. K. 
 Un won's hased : "Tickets, if you please," 
 
 Don raecht mer's evva he.
 
 248 CHOICE SELECTIONS 
 
 SOMSHDAWG OWET. 
 
 [Charles Calvin Ziegler, of Brush Valley, Centre county, is the 
 author of a little book of Pennsylvania German poems. Among the 
 many we select the following as a fair specimen of his genius 
 changing the spelling to suit our style. AUTHOR.] 
 
 DE ledsht load hoy ! Now, boys hurray ! 
 Fort in de shire un lusht se shtae 
 Bis Moondawg morga free. Worehoft ! 
 Den owet wardt ken schtrache mae g'shoft ! 
 'Sis Somshdawg. 
 
 Wesh de fees im wasser droke ; 
 Black de shtiffel farflompte bloke ! 
 My grey-awg doot mer widder wae 
 De shtiffel sin mere gons tsu gtoe 
 O, selend ! 
 
 Well, shtiffel odder net ich muss 
 Ins shtettle tsu der shaena 'Suss ; 
 De ledsht wuch hen mer ous g'maucht 
 Ich set se sasna Somshdawg nocht 
 Den owet. 
 
 De onera maid un era beaus 
 Shpotzeera uff un ob de shtrose 
 De same tzeit karraseer ich 
 My maidel hinna in der kich, 
 Gadictich. 
 
 De Suss hut olles ei-garicht, 
 De uhr shtate shtill, mer hen ken licht ; 
 De oldta sin in ehrem nesht 
 'Sis-uns net bong se shlofa fesht, 
 Un schnaricksa. 
 
 De uhr shtate shtill awver net de tzeit ; 
 Is es now morga odder heit? 
 Es maucht nix ous so gons arlae 
 Leeblich um armt. Och ! Muss ich gse? 
 'Sis Soondawg!
 
 FUM BOONASTIEX. 249 
 
 KITZEL MICH NET. 
 
 KITZEX mich net ! Won ich's usht agreed ware 
 Don mecht mich kitzla dos ich tzomma schnarr ! 
 Nae new! du waisht os ich's net shtanda con; 
 Bin gor net draw gavvaint we du bisht, John, 
 Der Pap? Och wos ! Are is shunt long im bed. 
 Kitzel mich net ! 
 
 Sell doots now ! Hare duch uff un luss mich gae 'j 
 Hob mich gons gronk galocht my side doot wae. 
 Du mawkst mich bussa, mawksht aw don un won 
 Mich bissel dricka usht aewennich, John, 
 Duch wos du doosht, do's we's gadoo si set 
 Kitzel mich net!
 
 250 HISTORICAL. 
 
 HISTORICAL. 
 
 Although I have allowed this volume to go before the public 
 under the title of "Pennsylvania Dutch," 1 have not done so with the 
 understanding that the term, "Dutch" is justified by history, but 
 rather by custom, as Dutch is English for Deitsch the dialect term 
 for German. 
 
 There are no "Pennsylvania Dutch" in our state as a distinctive 
 class, and there never has been. The "Pennsylvania German," how- 
 ever, is and has been for nearly, if not quite, two centuries a marked 
 individuality, and a powerful constructive force in her history and 
 upbuilding. It is surprising that men versed in the history of the 
 state should not distinguish between the German immigrant of the 
 lower Rhine and the "Dutch" or Netherlands settlers of New York. 
 It is true that the Dutch and Germans are descendants of the same 
 great Teutonic family and that they anciently spoke the same lan- 
 guage, but they are in many respects a distinct people, at least through 
 political and govermental differences. There never was a percep- 
 tible immigration of Dutch into Pennsylvania although a few families 
 in our own and other countries can trace their ancestry back to 
 Holland. 
 
 To be precise the Pennsylvania German came from the Palati- 
 nate and his language or better his dialect, is that of lower or North- 
 ern Germany. His earliest arrival was possibly the religious re- 
 cluses of the Wisihickon prior to Penn's arrival. Shortly after Penn 
 ' ame in 1682 a settlement by Germans was made at Germantown. 
 The revocation of the edict of Nantes drove thousands to England, 
 and Queen Anne made great efforts to alleviate their sufferings, 
 spending thousands of pounds of her own private fortune in their 
 behalf. The religious persecutions which followed the revocation 
 forced thousands of them, with their Huguenot fellow sufferers upon 
 England, and the influx of a foreign speaking, poverty-stricken, 
 people became a menace to the English through over-crowding. 
 Many were sent to Ireland and others were transported to the colony 
 of New York and settled on the Mohawk river. Disputes with the 
 English and the Dutch settled in that colony concerning the lands on 
 which they had located caused many of them to travel overland to 
 Ihe head waters of the Susquehanna river, where, making rafts, they 
 floated down the river (North Branch) and settled at various points 
 in Pennsylvania, among them being the family of the celebrated
 
 HISTORICAL. 251 
 
 Conrad Weiser. This was about the year 1709, and the next move 
 was by vessel from the Ports of Germany and England, Penn him- 
 self having invited them to settle in his colony. From that time up 
 until 1765, and even later, there was a steady stream of immigration. 
 
 Such is their origin. Their literature is scant and altogether 
 local, confined mostly to newspaper and periodical publications. 
 
 Had Luther translated the Bible into the dialect of lower Ger- 
 many the Pennsylvania German would have been classical; or put- 
 ting it better, the dialect of lower Germany instead of that of southern 
 Germany would have been the literary language of the great German 
 speaking people. "Low Dutch" is a phrase often applied alike to the 
 Pennsylvania German and to his dialect, by his English speaking fel- 
 low citizens, and by Germans speaking the language of Luther and 
 Schiller. Where applied intelligibly it merely refers to the language 
 and people of the north or low part of Germany and carries with it 
 no reflection. He has been a loyal and patriotic citizen from his first 
 arrival. Was the first to openly protest against negro slavery and 
 lias shed his blood in defense of his country in every war since 1755 
 to the Boxer troubles. 
 
 He has been eminent in every walk of life. Snyder, Wolf, 
 Schenck, Hartranft, Beaver (on his mother's side of the house), and 
 Pennypacker, are some of the names he has given to history, and 
 hundreds of others whose names have added to the glory of Penn- 
 sylvania have on their maternal side the blood of the "Pennsylvania 
 German." Nor is this race confined to our own state. Thousands of 
 them are to be found throughout the country, and wherever the flag 
 floats. 
 
 He has clung most tenaciously to his language as the German 
 always does, but not in later years to the exclusion of the English. 
 
 Take the "Pennsylvania German" out of the history of the State 
 and you remove Hamlet from the play. 
 
 He has never proclaimed his deeds from the housetops, and per- 
 haps, until very recently, has regarded the record of his ancestors as 
 not calling for particular mention. While the Puritan, the Cavalier, 
 the Knickerbocker, the Huguenot, and the Scotch Irish have each 
 had their praises sung by their writers, the field is still open for a 
 no less interesting story: that of the "Pennsylvania German" 
 miscalled the "Pennsylvania Dutch." THE AUTHOR.
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 Are Schwared Ob 22 
 
 Are Gaed Hawsa Hoonda 83 
 
 By Da Soldawda 69 
 
 De Leit Woo Olsfart G'hared Si Wella 9 
 
 De Maid Sin We Gkena Fish 1 1 
 
 De Hoyet 16 
 
 De Deitcha un De Englisha 24 
 
 De Gickser 34 
 
 De Nia Laws os Mer Breicha 155 
 
 De House-butz Gichtera 46 
 
 De House-butz Gichtera Brecha Widder Ous 91 
 
 De Orma Hen Mere Olsfart by Uns 97 
 
 De Mensha un de Monkeys ." 145 
 
 De Feela Lingner 100 
 
 De Hoonds-Dawga 109 
 
 DE BECKIE SHTITSEL. 
 
 Im Orma-house Ill 
 
 Se Coomed Widder Hame 113 
 
 Denksht Are Gebt En Editor 31 
 
 Der Oldt Mon Lawft far en Office 30 
 
 Der Butcher-Dawg 43 
 
 Der Donks-Dawg 45 
 
 Der Nei Nuchber 95 
 
 Der Bowera Boo un der Dude 101 
 
 Der Census 'Numerator 103 
 
 Der Fiert July 106 
 
 Der Boonastiel on der Court 114 
 
 Der U-bennich Boo 163 
 
 Der Smart Boo 119 
 
 Der U-bennich Boo 159 
 
 Der Boo os si Marrick Maucht 161 
 
 Der Bush Hoond un der City Hoond 167 
 
 Der Goot Freind 170 
 
 Em Grover Helfa Tzeega 157 
 
 Em Mike Sendapetzer si City Fraw 81 
 
 Em Boonastiel si Butcheres 7 
 
 Em Brown-Sequard si "LiFE LIXKR" 62 
 
 253
 
 254 CONTENTS. 
 
 En Shil-grut 7 
 
 En Nie Sart Rigel-vvake 33 
 
 En Siffer 42 
 
 En Shaeda Brief 48 
 
 En Maidel Frogt um Rode 56 
 
 En Ride uff ma Si-bickel 58 
 
 En Hier-rawd Pardy 67 
 
 En Drawm > 80 
 
 En Bower's Boo 153 
 
 Es Rodda Nesht 12 
 
 FRIHB1T CONVENTION. 
 
 On der Convention 38 
 
 Hame fun der Convention 40 
 
 Gebt Mere Duwock 53 
 
 Grishkindlin Kawf a 49 
 
 In Ma Hexa Nesht 20 
 
 Knecht Shoffa 51 
 
 Karraseera by Machinery 162 
 
 My Laeva's Lawf 5 
 
 On Der 'Noggeration Ball 27 
 
 Onera Leicha 60 
 
 Onera Huchtzich ; 65 
 
 On Der Camp-meeting 108 
 
 On Der Weldt's Fare 165 
 
 RIP VAN WINKLE. 
 
 De Shtory 72 
 
 Are Soocht En Onery Haemet 76 
 
 Widder Uff Em Nesht 78 
 
 Saela Os Mer Net Essa Con 117 
 
 Shpeculata Mit Oner Leit Eram Geld 37 
 
 SHTRIDE. 
 
 Ons Hullerhecka 85 
 
 Are Act lawyer 87 
 
 Shtyle Aw Do Won's Em Net Bacoomed 89 
 
 SHTRIDE IN DER HOUSE-HOLDTING. 
 
 Es Sholk Yohr 121 
 
 Druvvel Mit Der Polly 124 
 
 En Tramp. 125
 
 CONTENTS. 255 
 
 Unner Fremma Leit 127 
 
 In Der Jail I2 g 
 
 Are Findt En Freind I3I 
 
 Hame Was ^3 
 
 Widder in Druvvel 134 
 
 Om Bowera !37 
 
 Are un de Betsy Wetzel Gaena Fisha 138 
 
 In Fildefy I4 o 
 
 Widder Dahame i_^ 
 
 SOLS REVER. 
 
 Der Rever Druvva 147 
 
 Wos Hut's Ga doo 149 
 
 Im Sols Rever Shtore 151 
 
 Tsu Feel Leit 28 
 
 Tswae Baniche Si 25 
 
 Uff Em Karrich-hofe 18 
 
 Uff Ganumma on Sime Wardt . 92 
 
 Uff Der Kup G'shtelt * . 99 
 
 Ware Sull Ich Hira 55 
 
 W r are Sull de Prescilla Hira 164 
 
 We Mer Gaid Fisha 64 
 
 We Con Ich's Besht Laeva Maucha 94 
 
 We's Gait Onera Tnfair 104 
 
 Wos Gebts Mit Unsera Boova 15 
 
 PART II. 
 
 Blesseer Coomed Ooney G'frogt un Gait Ooney G'haesa 216 
 
 De College Boova 175 
 
 De U-f arshtenicha Fashions 180 
 
 De Weipsleit in Politics 104 
 
 De Retcha un De Bletcha 211 
 
 De Shuldt Os Leit Awrum Sin 213 
 
 Der Oldt Billy Sultzer Un De Looder Grobha 177 
 
 Der "Christian Science" Duckter 191 
 
 Der Mon Woo Reich-Awrem. Is 196 
 
 Der Asel In Der Giles Howd 236 
 
 Der Jeckey Leebshtickle Tend Court 218 
 
 Der Tswa Keppich Elefont 234 
 
 En Jury-mon 183 
 
 Ich Wutt Os Ich En Bower Ware 187
 
 256 CONTENTS. 
 
 IN FILDELFY. 
 
 Em Wannamaker Si Karrich Hofe 223 
 
 Em Mike Sendapetzer Si Stylishe Fraw 226 
 
 Grishdoom In Ga-Kooshende Sitz 229 
 
 Widder Dahame 232 
 
 Karraseera Der Oldt un Der Nei Wake 217 
 
 Onera Karicha Fare igg 
 
 On Der Teachers' Institute 219 
 
 Politics Un De Karricha 185 
 
 Shtride In Der Hquse-holdting Was Mauchts 205 
 
 Unser Niar Porra 202 
 
 Widder Uff Der Oldta Boweri 220 
 
 AXIOMS AND EPIGRAMS. 
 
 Shprichwordta 240 
 
 DEITSCHA LEEDER. 
 
 De Oldta Un De Nia Tzeida 245 
 
 Somshdawg Owet , 248 
 
 Kitzel Mich Net 249 
 
 HISTORICAL... 250

 
 X " 
 
 A 000 742 259 5