UC-NRLF 
 
 B 3 332 976 
 
 I 
 
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 AMANT 
 
 ^e ST LOUI 
 XPOSITION 
 
Good land ! I couldn t sort em out and describe them that 
 passed by in an hour. Frontispiece. Page 83. 
 
SAMANTHA 
 
 AT THE 
 
 ST. LOUIS EXPOSITION 
 
 BY 
 JOSIAH ALLEN S WIFE 
 
 (MARIETTA HOLLEY) 
 
 AUTHOR OF " MY OPINION AND BETSEY BOBBET S," " SAMANTHA AT SARATOGA, 
 " SWEET CICELY," "SAMANTHA AT THE WORLD S FAIR," ETC. 
 
 ILLUSTRATIONS BY 
 CH. GRUNWALD 
 
 G. W. DILLINGHAM COMPANY 
 
 PUBLISHERS NEW YORK 
 
Copyright, 1904, by 
 
 MARIETTA HOLLEY. 
 
 filtered at Stationsra Hall, 
 
 London, England. 
 
 lined Novfmbt 
 
 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition. 
 
 Press of J. J. Little & Co. 
 Astor Place, New York 
 
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 He showed em in a careless way as much as fifteen dollars 
 
 in cash .... 7 
 
 Josiah s good nater returnin with every mouthful he took . 106 
 It is the big crowd that is surgin through the Pike to and 
 
 fro, fro and to . . . .187 
 
 "I hain t Theodore. I m President of a Gas Company . 298 
 She laid her pretty head in my lap, sobbin out, "What shall I 
 
 do? What shall I do? " . . . . - 214 
 
 Good land! I couldn t sort em out and describe them that 
 
 passed by in an hour .... Frontispiece 83 
 
 R69940 
 
SAMANTHA AT THE ST. LOUIS 
 EXPOSITION 
 
 CHAPTER I, 
 
 HAD noticed for some time that Josiah Allen 
 had acted queer. He would seem lost in 
 thought anon or of tener, and then seemin ly 
 roust himself up and try to act natural. 
 And anon he would drag his old tin chest out from 
 under the back stairway and pour over musty old deeds 
 and papers, drawed up by his great-grandpa mebby. 
 
 He did this last act so often that I said to him one day, 
 " What under the sun do you find in them yeller old 
 papers to attract you so, Josiah! 
 
 But he looked queer at me, queer as a dog, as if he wuz 
 lookin through me to some distant view that interested 
 him dretfully, and answered evasive, and mebby he 
 wouldn t answer at all. 
 
 And then I d see him and Uncle Sime Bentley, his par 
 ticular chum, with their heads clost together, seemin ly 
 plottin sun thin or ruther, though what it wuz I couldn t 
 imagine. 
 
8 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 And then they would bend their heads eagerly over 
 the daily papers, and more n once Josiah got down our 
 old Olney s Atlas and he and Uncle Sime would pour over 
 it and whisper, though what it wuz about I couldn t 
 imagine. And if I d had the curosity of some wimmen it 
 would drove me into a caniption fit. 
 
 :And more V a dozen times I see him and Uncle Sime 
 down; by, .the back paster on the creek pacin to and 
 fro as if they wuz measurin land. And most of all they 
 seemed to be measurin off solemn like and important 
 the lane from the creek lot up to the house and takin 
 measurements, as queer lookin sights as I ever see, and 
 then they would consult the papers and atlas agin, and 
 whisper and act. 
 
 And about this time he begun to talk to me about the 
 St. Louis Exposition. He opened the subject one day by 
 remarkin that he spozed I had never hearn of the Louis- 
 ana Purchase. He said that the minds of females in their 
 leisure hours bein took up by more frivolous things, such 
 as tattin and crazy bed-quilts, he spozed that I, bein a 
 female woman, had never hearn on t. 
 
 And my mind bein at that time took up in startin the 
 seams in a blue and white sock I wuz knittin for him, 
 didn t reply, and he went on and talked and talked 
 about it. 
 
 But good land! I knowed all about the Louisana 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 9 
 
 Purchase; I knowed it come into our hands in 1803, that 
 immense tract of land, settlin forever in our favor the 
 war for supremacy on this continent between ourselves 
 and England, and givin us the broad highway of the 
 Mississippi to sail to and fro on which had been denied 
 us, besides the enormous future increase in our wealth 
 and population. 
 
 I knowed that between 1700 and 1800 this tract wuz 
 tossted back and forth between France and Spain and 
 England some as if it wuz a immense atlas containing 
 pictured earth and sea instead of the real land and water. 
 
 It passed backwards and forwards through the century 
 till 1803 when it bein at the time in the hands of France, 
 we bought it of Napoleon Bonaparte who had got posses 
 sion of it a few years before, and Heaven only knows 
 what ambitious dreams of foundin a new empire in a 
 new France filled that powerful brain, under that queer 
 three-cornered hat of hisen when he got it of Spain. 
 
 But tennyrate he sold it in 1803 to our country, the 
 writings bein drawed up by Thomas Jefferson, namesake 
 of our own Thomas Jefferson, Josiah s child by his first 
 wife. Napoleon, or I spoze it would sound more respect 
 ful to call him Mr. Bonaparte, he wanted money bad, and 
 he didn t want England to git ahead, and so he sold it 
 to us. 
 
 He acted some as Miss Bobbett did when she sot up her 
 
10 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 niece, Maliala Hen, in dressmakin for fear Miss Henzy s 
 girl would git all the custom and git rich. She d had 
 words with Miss Henzy and wanted to bring down her 
 pride. And we bein some like Miss Hen in sperit (she 
 had had trouble with Miss Henzy herself, and wuz dret- 
 ful glad to have Mahala sot up), we wuz more n willin to 
 buy it of Mr. Bonaparte. You know he didn t like Eng 
 land, he had had words with her, and almost come to 
 hands and blows, and it did come to that twelve years 
 afterwards. 
 
 But poor creeter! I never felt like makin light of his 
 reverses, for do not we, poor mortals! have to face our 
 Waterloo some time durin our lives, when we have 
 fought the battle and lost, when the ground is covered 
 with slain Hopes, Ambition, Happiness, when the music 
 is stilled, the stringed instruments and drums broken to 
 pieces, or givin out only wailin accompaniments to the 
 groans and cries of the dyin layin low in the dust. 
 
 We marched onward in the mornin mebby with flyin 
 colors towards Victory, with gaily flutterin banners and 
 glorious music. Then come the Inevitable to crush us, 
 and though we might not be doomed to a desert island in 
 body, yet our souls dwell there for quite a spell. 
 
 Till mebby we learn to pick up what is left of value on 
 the lost field, try to mend the old instruments that never 
 sound as they did before. Sew with tremblin fingers the 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 11 
 
 rents in the old tattered banners which Hope never 
 carries agin with so high a head, and fall into the ranks 
 and march forward with slower, more weary steps and 
 our sad eyes bent toward the settin sun. 
 
 But to stop eppisodin and resoom. I had hearn all 
 about how it wuz bought and how like every new dis 
 covery, or man or woman worth while, the Purchase had 
 to meet opposition and ridicule, though some prophetic 
 souls, like Thomas Jefferson, Mr. Livingstone and others, 
 seemed to look forward through the mists of the future 
 and see fertile fields and stately cities filled with crowds 
 of prosperous citizens, where wuz then almost impassable 
 swamps and forests inhabited by whoopin savages, 
 
 And Mr. Bonaparte himself, let us not forgit in this 
 proud year of fulfilled hopes and achievement and pro 
 gress how he always seemed to set store by us and his 
 words wuz prophetic of our nation s glorious destiny. 
 
 I had knowed all about this but Josiah seemed to 
 delight to instruct me as carefully as a mother would 
 guide a prattlin child jest beginnin to walk on its little 
 feet. And some times I would resent it, and some times 
 when I wuz real good natured, for every human bein 
 no matter how high principled, has ebbs and flows in 
 their moral temperatures, some times I would let him 
 instruct me and take it meekly like a child learnin its 
 A-B abs. 
 
12 tfamantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 But to resoom. Day by day Josiah s strange actions 
 continued, and at intervals growin still more and more 
 frequent and continuous he acted, till at last the truth 
 oozed out of him like water out of a tub that has been 
 filled too full, it wuz after an extra good meal that he con 
 fided in me. 
 
 He said the big celebration of the Louisana Purchase 
 had set him to thinkin and he d investigated his own 
 private affairs and had discovered important facts that 
 had made him feel that he too must make a celebration 
 of the Purchase of the Allen Homestead. 
 
 " On which we are now dwelling Samantha," sez he. 
 " Seventy-four acres more or less runnin up to a stake 
 and back agin, to wit, as the paper sez." 
 
 Sez I, " You needn t talk like a lawyer to me, Josiah 
 Allen, but tell me plain as a man and a deacon what you 
 
 mean. 
 
 " Well, I m tellin you, hain t I, fast as I can? I ve 
 found out by my own deep research (the tin trunk wuzn t 
 more n a foot deep but I didn t throw the trunk in his 
 face), I ve discovered this remarkable fact that this farm 
 the very year of the Louisana Purchase came into the 
 Allen family by purchase. My great-great-grandfather, 
 Hatevil Allen, bought it of Ohbejoyful Gowdey, and the 
 papers wuz signed the very day the other momentous 
 purchase wuz made. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 13 
 
 There wuz fourteen children in the family of old 
 Hatevil, jest as many as there is States in the purchase 
 they are celebratin to St. Louis. 
 
 " And another wonderful fact old Hatevil Allen paid 
 jest the same amount for this farm that our Government 
 paid for the Louisiana Purchase. 
 
 " Do you mean to tell me, Josiah, that Hatevil Allen 
 paid fifteen millions for this farm. Will you tell me 
 that? You, a member of the meetin house and a 
 deacon? 
 
 " Well, what you might call the same, it is the same 
 figgers with the six orts left out. Great-granther Allen 
 paid fifteen dollars for this piece of land, it wuz all woods 
 then." 
 
 Another of these most remarkable series of incidents 
 that have ever took place on this continent, Thomas 
 Jefferson wuz a main actor in the Louisana Purchase. 
 He has left this spear some years ago, and who, who is 
 the father of Thomas Jefferson to-day? " 
 
 I didn t say nothin , for I wuz engrossed in my knittin , 
 I wuz jest turnin the heel of his sock and needed my 
 hull mind. 
 
 " And sez he, smitin his breast agin, " I ask you, 
 Samantha, who is the father of Thomas Jefferson to 
 day? " 
 
 I had by this time turned the heel and I sez, " Why, 
 
14 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 I spoze lie s got the same father now he always had, chil 
 dren don t change their fathers very often as a general 
 thing. 7 
 
 " Well, you needn t be so grumpy about it. Don t you 
 see that these wonderful coincidences are enough to apall 
 a light-minded person. Why, I, even I with my cast iron 
 strength of mind, have almost felt my brain stagger and 
 reel as I onraveled the momentous affair. 
 
 " And I am plannin a celebration, Samantha, that will 
 hist up the name of Allen where it ort to be onto the very 
 top of Fame s towerin pillow, and keep it in everlastin 
 remembrance. 
 
 " And I, Samantha," and here he smote himself agin 
 in the breast, " I, Josiah Allen, havin exposed these cir 
 cumstances, the most remarkable in American history, 
 I lay out to name my show the Exposition of Josiah 
 Allen. And I ve thought some times that in order to 
 mate mine with the St. Louis show, as you may say, I d 
 mebby ort to call myself St. Josiah." 
 
 " Saint Josiah! " sez I, and my axent wuz that icy 
 cold that he shivered imperceptibly and added hastily, 
 " Well, we will leave that to the future to decide." 
 
 " But," sez he firmly, spruntin up agin, " if the nation 
 calls on me to name myself thus I shall respond, and 
 expose myself at my Exposition as Saint Josiah." 
 
 Sez I anxiously, " I wouldn t expose myself too much, 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 15 
 
 Josiali. You remember the pa that took his weak-minded 
 child to the ball, and told him to set still and not speak 
 or they would find him out. 
 
 " And they asked him question after question and he 
 didn t say a word, and finally they begun to scoff at him 
 and told him he wuz a fool, and he called out, Father, 
 father, they Ve found me out. " 
 
 Josiah sez snappishly, " What you mean by bringin 
 that old chestnut up I cant see." 
 
 "Well," sez I, " I shan t sew the moral on any 
 tighter." But he kep on ignorin my sarcastick allusion. 
 
 " To keep up the train of almost miraclous incidents 
 marchin along through the past connecting the St. Louis 
 and the Allen Purchase like historical twins, I m go in 
 to spend on the Exposition of Josiah Allen jest the amount 
 paid for the other original purchase, and I may, for there 
 is no tellin what a Allen may do when his blood is 
 rousted up, I may swing right out and pay jest the same 
 amount St. Louis is payin for her Exposition." 
 
 " Fifty millions! " sez I with emotions of or or to 
 think I had a pardner that would tell such a gigantic 
 falsehood, and instinctively I thought of a story I d 
 hearn Thomas Jefferson tell the evenin before. 
 
 He said three commercial travelers wuz talkin be 
 fore an old man from the country whose loose fittin 
 clothes were gently scattered with hay-seed. The first 
 
16 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 one told with minute particulars of a Western cyclone 
 that had lifted a house and sot it down in a neighborin 
 township. The next one said that he wuz knowin to 
 the circumstances and how the cyclone swep back and 
 brought the suller and sot it down under the house. 
 And the third one remembered vividly how the cyclone 
 went back the second time and brought the hole the 
 suller left and distributed it round under the new site. 
 
 The old man listened with deep interest, and said he 
 wuz glad he d had the privelige of hearin em, for their 
 talk had cleared up a Bible verse he d long pondered 
 over. 
 
 They wuz astounded to think their talk had awakened 
 religious meditations. But the old gentleman said their 
 conversation had cleared up that passage where it said: 
 
 Annanias come forth. 
 
 He said it wuz now plain to him that it meant that 
 these three drummers should stand before Annanias, the 
 Prince of Liars, he takin his place behind em, the fourth 
 in the rank of liars. 
 
 But this is neither here or there, I only mention it as 
 comin into my mind instinctively and onbeknown to 
 myself as I hearn Josiah Allen s remark, it came and 
 went, as thoughts will, like a lightning flash, even as 
 I wuz repeatin the words agin in wonderment and 
 horrow. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 17 
 
 " Fifty million dollars! " 
 
 " No, I said to you, Samantha, that in our conversa 
 tion we would leave out the orts, fifty dollars wuz what I 
 meant. But as I said this is what I ve thought when my 
 brain wuz fired with ambition and glory of histin the 
 name of Allen up where it ort to be and will be. But 
 when my blood has quieted down and I took a dispas 
 sionate view of the affair I have thought it would be more 
 in keepin with the old traditions of the Allen family to 
 spend jest fifteen, I can do a noble job with Uncle Sime s 
 help and Ury s, with exactly the same sum that wuz paid 
 for these purchases. 
 
 I see he wuz jest bound to ignore the millions. But I 
 knowed it wouldn t do any good to keep twittin him 
 of it. And then he went on to describe more fully the 
 Exposition of Josiah Allen that he d been plottin for 
 weeks and weeks. He said that he and uncle Sime had 
 used up two hull pads of writin paper at a cost of five 
 cents each, plannin and figurin . But he didn t begrech 
 the outlay, he said. He wuz layin out to have the lower 
 paster used as a tentin ground for the hull Allen race, 
 and the Gowdeys if he decided they wuz worthy to jine 
 in, he hadn t settled on that yet. The cow paster wuz to 
 be used for Equinomical and Agricultural displays and 
 also Peaceful Industries and Inventions, and the lane 
 leadin up to the barn from the lower paster he laid out 
 
18 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 to use as a Pike for all sorts of amusements, pitchin 
 quaits, bull-in-the-barnyard, turnin hand-springs and 
 summer sets, etc., etc. 
 
 Sez I coldly, It would draw quite a crowd to see you 
 and Deacon Gowdey standin on your two old bald heads 
 turnin a summer set." 
 
 " Oh, I laid out to have younger people in such thrillin 
 seens, Ury and others. And then he went on to describe 
 at length his Peaceful Industry Show. 
 
 I couldn t sot still to hear it only I felt I wanted to 
 know the worst and cope with it as a surgeon probes to 
 the quick in order to cure. 
 
 He thought he could git Aunt Huldy Wood, who wove 
 carpets, to set up her loom for a few days under the big 
 but-nut tree, and be weavin there before the crowds. He 
 said she wuz a peaceful old critter and would show off 
 well in it. And Bildad Shoecraft, another good-natured 
 creeter, he could bring his shoe-making bench and be 
 tappin boots. He could not only show off but make 
 money at the same time, for he spozed that many a boot 
 would be wore down to the quick walkin round viewin 
 the attractions. And Blandina Teeter he spozed she could 
 run my sewin machine under the sugar maple. And he 
 thought mebby I would set out under the slippery ellum 
 makin ginger cookies or fryin nut-cakes, in either 
 capacity he said I wuz a study for an artist and would 
 draw crowds. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 19 
 
 " The wife of Josiah Allen fryin nut-cakes, what a 
 sound it would have through the world. " 
 
 " No, Josiah," sez I, " I shan t try to fry nut-cakes in 
 a open lot without ingregients or fire. 
 
 " Well, mebby you d ruther be one of the attractions 
 of the Pike, Samantha. I hain t goin to limit you to one 
 thing. As the pardner of the originator of this stupen- 
 gous scheme you are entitled to respect. There is where 
 Napoleon, the other great actor in these twin dramas, 
 missed it, he didn t use his wife as he ort to. But jest see 
 the wonderful similarity in these cases. He had two step 
 children; the wife of Josiah had two; I am smaller in 
 statute than my wife; so wuz Napoleon." 
 
 You spoke of your Peaceful Inventions, Josiah, sez 
 I, wantin to git his mind off, for truly I begun to fairly 
 feel sick to the stomach to hear his talk about himself 
 and the Great Conqueror. 
 
 1 i Oh, yes, Samantha, that in itself will be worth double 
 the price of admission." 
 
 Then you expect to ask pay, Josiah ? 
 
 " Certainly, why not? Do they not ask pay at the 
 twin celebration? 
 
 " But you spoke of inventions; I shall let the rest of 
 the Aliens show off. Lots of em have invented things, 
 but of course my inventions will rank number one. There 
 is my button on the suller door I cut it out of an old 
 
20 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 boot leg. Who ever hearn of a leather button before, and 
 it works well if you don t want to fasten the door tight. 
 Then there is that self actin hen-coop of mine that lets 
 a stick fall down and shuts the door when the hen walks 
 up the ladder." 
 
 66 But no hen has ever clim the ladder yet, Josiah." 
 
 " No, perhaps they hain t yet, but I m expectin to see 
 em every day, tennyrate paint that coop a bright red 
 and yaller and it will attract a crowd. 
 
 " And then there is that travelin rat trap of brother 
 Henzy s, you know his grandmother wuz an Allen, I shall 
 mayhap let him appear. And then there is all my f armin 
 implements and the rest of the Allen s I lay out to be 
 just to all, and let em all come and show off in my Agri 
 cultural show. 
 
 i But of course there has got to be a head to it ; Napo 
 leon wuz the head of the other Purchase, and I m the 
 head of this. In short, Samantha, I am It. 
 
 Oh, how full of pride and vain glory he wuz, and I 
 knowed such feelin s would have to be brung down for 
 his spiritual good. I realized it as he went on, 
 
 " I tell you, Napoleon and I would have made a span, 
 Samantha, if he could been spared till now. 
 
 Oh how shamed I wuz to hear such talk, but I sot de- 
 mute for reasons named, and he sez agin, " I thought 
 mebby you would want to be one of the attractions of the 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 21 
 
 Pike, Samantha; I lay out to have livin statutes adornin 
 the side of the lane leadin up from the beaver medder to 
 the horse trough. 
 
 " Livin statutes! " sez I, coldly, " I don t know what 
 you mean by them." 
 
 " Why, I thought for a few cents I could git a lot of 
 
 children and old folks to be white-washed for a day or 
 two and pose as statutes. It would be a new thing and 
 a crackin good idee, for livin statutes that can wink, 
 and bow, and talk, and walk round some, I don t believe 
 wuz ever hearn on before." 
 
22 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 t i No indeed, sez I, but I can tell you, Josiah Allen, 
 I ve played many strange parts in the role of life at 
 your request, but I tell you once for all I shall never, 
 never be whitewashed and set up for a statute, you can 
 set your mind to rest on that to once. 
 
 " Mebby you d ruther be a Historical Tabloo, Saman 
 tha; I lay out to have beautiful ones, and I thought I 
 wouldn t confine myself to the States, but would branch 
 out and have the foreign nations represented figuratively. 
 
 " A naval battle between Eussia and Japan would 
 draw; if I could fix some floats on the creek my stun 
 boat could represent Russia, and Deacon Buffer s Japan, 
 I jest as lives mine would be blowed up and sunk as not, 
 tain t good for much. And if I did have that I would 
 have the Russian Bear set on the shore growlin , and the 
 Powers furder back lookin pleasantly on. You might be 
 a Power, Samantha, if you wuzn t a female." 
 
 " No, thank you, Josiah, I don t hanker after the 
 responsibility for good or evil that ort to hang onto a 
 Power. $* 
 
 li I d be the Russian Bear myself, Samantha, with our 
 old buffalo robe, only I ve got everything else to do; I 
 could grasp holt of things and squeeze em tight and 
 growl and paw first rate." 
 
 " I wouldn t try to take that Russian Bear s job of 
 graspin and growlin and pawin onto me, Josiah, if I 
 wuz in your place; it would tucker anybody out," 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 23 
 
 " The Eagle of France, " sez he dreamily, " could be 
 represented in reduced form, as artists say, by Solomon 
 Bobbett s old Bramy rooster with some claws tied on. 
 And Scotland, the land knows there is thistles enough 
 along the cow path to represent her if they re handled 
 right. And for Ireland I might have two fellers fightin 
 with shelalays, Ury could make the shelalays if he had 
 a pattern." 
 
 I knit away with a look of cold mockery on my face 
 that I spose worried him, for he sez, I wish I could git 
 you interested in my show, Samantha. Mebby you d 
 want to represent Britanny scourin the blue seas, you 
 always thought so much of the Widder Albert. You 
 could enact it in the creek where the water is shaller. 
 You ve got a long scrubbin brush, I always thought you 
 looked some like Britanny, and you do scrub and scour 
 so beautiful, Samantha." 
 
 " No, Josiah, you ll never git me into that scrape, not 
 but what Britanny may need help with her scrubbin 
 brush. But I shan t catch my death cold makin a fool 
 of myself by tacklin that job." 
 
 " Oh, you could wear my rubber boots. But I shall 
 not urge the matter, I only thought we two countries are 
 such clost friends and I wanted you to have the foremost 
 character, but I can probable git someone else to enact it. 
 But the strain is fearful on me, Samantha, to have every 
 thing go on as it should," 
 
24 Samantha at the St. Louis Expositioji 
 
 His looks wuz strange. I could see that he wuz all 
 nerved up, and his mind (what he had) wuz all wrought 
 up to its highest tension; I knowed what happened when 
 the tension to my sewin machine wuz drawed too tight 
 it broke. And my machine wuz strong in comparison to 
 some other things I won t mention out of respect to my 
 pardner. I felt that I must be cautious and tread care 
 fully if I would influence him for his good, so I brought 
 forth the argument that seldom failed with him, and sez I : 
 
 " If I hadn t no other reason for jinin in these doin s, 
 cookin has got to be done and how can a statute or a 
 Historical Tabloo bile potatoes and brile steak and make 
 yeast emptin s bread perked up on a pedestal or posin 
 in the creek, and you know, Josiah, that no matter how 
 fur ambition or vain glory may lead a man, his appetite 
 has got to be squenched, and vittles has got to be cooked 
 else how can he squench it." 
 
 And to this old trustworthy weepon I held in all his 
 different plans to inviggle me into his preposterous idees 
 and found it answered better than reason or ridicule. 
 But even this failed to break up his crazy plan. His hull 
 mind (what he had) wuz sot on it. 
 
CHAPTER II 
 
 FELT dretful and how I wuz goin to break 
 it up and git his mind off I couldn t tell; I 
 talked it over with the children. They wuz 
 goin to be mortified to death by the idee 
 if carried out and they told me in confidence and the 
 woodhouse kitchen, " It must be stopped! 
 
 And I sez, " How is it goin to be stopped! I ve 
 handled every weepon I know how to lay holt on. I ve 
 pompied him, cooked the very best of vittles, argued with 
 him, eppisoded, but all to no use, he s as sot as a hen 
 turkey on a brick bat, and I ve got to the end of my 
 chain. 
 
 Sez Tirzah Ann, " Have you tried readin historical 
 novels to him? 
 
 " No," sez I, " I don t dast to be too hash with him, 
 your pa s health hain t what it wuz, I dassent take too 
 hash measures. 
 
 Sez she, " Have you tried readin poetry? 
 
 " Yes," sez I, " I have read Pollock s Course of Time 
 most through to him, and the biggest heft of Paradise 
 Lost, and I read the last named with deep feelin , I 
 can tell you." 
 
26 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " Didn t it do any good? " 
 
 Not a mite, sez I. "He would choke me off in the 
 soarinest passages to boast about some crazy side-show 
 at his Exposition." 
 
 Tirzah Ann sithed and sez, " I don t know what can 
 be done." 
 
 Thomas J. is more practical and sez, " Can t you git 
 his mind on some work? Hain t there sunthin that ort 
 to be done round the farm? Or in the house? " 
 
 " Id no," sez I. " He can t plow or reap in February 
 or pick gooseberries or wash sheep. But I know what 
 ort to be done in the house, I tried my best to git him 
 at it in the fall, I do want a furnace and hot water pipes 
 put in to heat the house. We most freeze these cold days, 
 and it is too much for your pa when Ury is away to tend 
 to the fires." 
 
 " That s just the thing! " sez Thomas J., " get him 
 interested in that and he will forgit all about the Allen 
 Exposition by the time it is done." 
 
 But I sez in a discouraged way, " If I couldn t git 
 him at it in the fall Id no how I m goin to now." 
 
 " But it is worth tryin ," sez Thomas J., " for his 
 scheme must be broke up, and if you git your furnace in 
 now it will be all ready for another fall." 
 
 " Well," sez I, " I can try." And so I begun that 
 very night on a new tact, or ruther the old tact in a new 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 27 
 
 way, I told him how sot Thomas J. wuz on our havin 
 a furnace and hot water pipes put in. 
 
 Josiah thinks his eyes of his only son, and I see it 
 kinder moved him, but he wouldn t give his consent, 
 and sez: 
 
 * What do you want hot water pipes and a furnace for 
 in the summer? 
 
 Sez I pintin to the snowy fields, " Do you call this 
 summer, Josiah! And Thomas J. sez it will be so nice 
 to have it all ready in the fall. And I do wish, Josiah, 
 you would hear to me." 
 
 i Well, well, I am hearin you, hain t I, and been hear- 
 in for a year back, I hain t deef as an adder! And 
 he jammed his hat down over his ears and went to the 
 barn. But there wuz a sort of a waverin expression to 
 his linement that made me have hopes. 
 
 Well, when I had, with the children s help and an 
 enormous expenditure of good vittles and eloquence, 
 brought him round to the idee, I found I had another 
 trial worse than the first to contend with. Instead of 
 hirin a first rate workman who knew his bizness, he wuz 
 bound, on account of cheapness, to hire a conceited cree- 
 ter who thought he could do anything better than anyone 
 else could. 
 
 He knew how to milk, Jabez Wind did, and how to 
 clean stables, and plough and hoe corn. But he felt he 
 
28 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 could do plumbin better than them who had handled 
 plumbs for years. And when I see Josiah wuz sot on 
 hirin him to do the job I felt dretful, for he wuz no more 
 fit for it than our brindle cow to do fine sewing or our 
 old steer to give music lessons on the banjo. He wuz a 
 creeter I never liked, always tryin to invent sunthin 
 and always failin. But Josiah insisted on havin him 
 because he wuz so much cheaper. 
 
 And I sez, You 11 sup sorrow yet, Josiah Allen, with 
 your tendency to save and scrimp. Jabez Wind don t 
 know nothin about such work; he hain t got any shop 
 or tools and I don t want him meddlin round my house. 
 We want the rooms warmed good and we don t want a 
 big noise and racket, as I ve hearn they make sometimes, 
 I couldn t stand it with such noise and cracklin goin 
 on day and night. 
 
 " Oh," sez Josiah, " that s one great beauty of Jabez- 
 eses invention, it is perfectly noiseless, not a murmur or 
 gurgle from one year s end to the other, and so easy to 
 tend. Jest twice a year, he sez, to put a pail of water in 
 the upper tank, two pails of water a year to insure sum 
 mer warmth, no dirt, no noise, not much like luggin in 
 wood from mornin till night, breakin your back cuttin 
 and splittin it and litterin up the house." 
 
 The idee of the perfect stillness did tempt me, I so 
 love comfort and quiet, and also not havin to sweep up 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 29 
 
 after chips and kindlin wood. But yet how did we know 
 these things wuz so? And agin I sez, " How do you 
 know he can do all this! He hain t got any tools." 
 
 Sez Josiah, "He s got idees if he hain t got tools. A 
 man can borry tools, but lie can t dicker for such idees 
 as Jabez has got. See the things he s undertook." 
 
 Sez I, " Anybody can undertake things; his idees hain t 
 made him rich or famous. That air ship of hisen he wuz 
 goin to sail to Europe on, rared up and spilt him in his 
 uncle s back yard. And his automobile, when he sot off 
 on it and headed it for the road it backed up and took 
 him down that steep hill back of the barn into the creek, 
 where it kep on ploughin up dirt and slate stuns till his 
 uncle stopped it by main force and lifted Jabez out from 
 under it drippin like a water rat. And his machine for 
 perpetual motion, his ma uses it now for clothes bars," 
 sez I. " What has he ever done to merit your encom 
 iums? " 
 
 " Well," sez he, " he s bound to succeed this time. 
 His idees are some like the hardware man s at Jonesville 
 only Jabez es are more deep and not nigh so expensive." 
 I never liked Jabez Wind and shouldn t if I d seen him 
 settin swingin his legs off the very top of Fame s pil 
 low. He wuz oncongenial to me, made so from the begin- 
 in I never knew any particular hurt of him, but he seemed 
 so much like his own sir name, so puffed up and onsub- 
 
30 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 stantial. He wuz middlin well off to start with, or his 
 ma wuz, but he had used up all her property in his dif 
 ferent enterprises. 
 
 Now I dote on inventors, they wear a halo in my par 
 tial eyes. They re the greatest men of our day, and I 
 mentally kneel at their feet, but gold always has coun 
 terfeits. The real inventor, made by the Deity to carry 
 out his plans, is modest, silent, broodin over his great 
 secrets, away from the multitude where angels minister 
 to him. But Jabez wuz loud, boasting arrogant, his pert 
 impudent face proclaimin the great things he wuz goin 
 to do, but never did. He wuz in love, too, or what he 
 called love, with a girl that wuz a prime favorite of mine, 
 sweet little Rosamond Nickleson, she and I wuz such 
 great friends she often used to come and stay a week at 
 a time with me. 
 
 When Jabez Wind came to Jonesville, Rosy wuz about 
 the same as engaged to a good sensible young farmer, 
 Royal Nelson, who lived three milds above Jonesville on 
 the old stage road. He wuz a stiddy, likely young man, 
 who owned a nice farm well stocked, wuz good looking 
 good appearing but ruther bashful and retiring which 
 made him some times in company a little awkwud in his 
 manners, and most offish where he wanted to please most. 
 But he had a good mind, and his heart wuz pure gold, 
 and he loved Rosy with the deep earnest love, such un- 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 31 
 
 demonstrative men often cherish for the one woman in 
 the world for them. His calm gray eyes would light up 
 with the pure light of deathless love when they rested 
 on the sweet face of little Eosy. And he wuz always try- 
 in to help her in some way, lookin out for her interest, 
 he seemed to love to protect and wait on her in a way 
 that argued well for the future, but mebby it wuz this 
 constant and almost slavish devotion that made her slight 
 him, she had got so used to his stiddy love that she didn t 
 appreciate it as she d ort to. 
 
 He had paid attention to Kosy for most three years. 
 I thought mebby he wuz such a manly chap he didn t 
 want to hurry her, she wuz so young, but everybody 
 spozed they wuz as good as engaged when Jabez Wind 
 come to Jonesville to live with his uncle, old Kellup Wind. 
 He lost his wife, and Miss Wind, his brother s widder, 
 come to keep house for him and brung Jabez with her. 
 I hum it wuz the bargain she wuz to have two dollars a 
 week and Jabez es board. That showed me what he wuz, 
 a young man twenty-five years old hangin on to his 
 mother s apron strings to support him, or ruther hangin 
 onto her hard workin fingers, she wuz a good house 
 keeper. 
 
 " Well, Jabez made such a splurge in the social pool 
 of Jonesville society, he made such florid eloquent boasts 
 of the wonderful things he wuz goin to do in the near 
 
32 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 future; his clothes wuz so showy, and his looks so showy 
 (shaller I called it), with beady shiny black eyes, red 
 cheeks, mustache and whiskers naturally red like his 
 hair, but dyed black, and he played the fiddle so sweet, 
 the girls said, and he sung comic songs so bea-eu-ti-ful, 
 and he danced so light that he become a general favorite 
 in Jonesville society and the girls all seemed to seek after 
 him. But from the first he singled out Rosy as the object 
 of his special patronizin affection. She wuz well off, 
 her pa left her a good property in money besides bein 
 so pretty and good herself. 
 
 And she, girls are so queer, the best of em, from the 
 very fact that his affection wuz so patronizin and down 
 stoopin 7 to her, and kinder oncertain, for onlike Koyal 
 he would have spells of slightin her and waitin on other 
 girls, why mebby for this very reason she seemed to be 
 carried some distance away with him, and believed all 
 his grand idees and looked forward to the realization of 
 his stupendious schemes, high soundin schemes, which 
 had took him no furder than the middle of the creek and 
 his uncle s back yard. 
 
 His uncle didn t believe in him no more than I did, 
 but stood it with him on account of Karen, bein a man 
 that loved domestic comfort, and havin lived in dirt, on 
 pan-cakes and canned meats durin different rains of in 
 competence materialized in hired girl form, before Karen 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 33 
 
 come. But Karen worshipped Jabez, his highest mounts 
 of future eminence seemed too low for his footstool in 
 her adorin eyes, somehow the very loftiness of his airs 
 to her, his own mother who supported him and bought 
 his clothes, seemed to render him more precious in her 
 eyes. Wimmen are queer, queer as dogs. 
 
 Well, Jabez knew I wuz onwillin to have him tackle 
 the job of warmin our house with his new water pipe 
 invention, because I had spoke my mind about it when 
 he and Karen had been over to spend the evening and 
 Karen come over the next mornin ostensibly to borry a 
 cup of molasses, she wuz lookin wore out, she d worked 
 so hard the day before, doin a big washin and bringin 
 the water from the creek, and I sez, " Why didn t Jabez 
 bring it for you? 
 
 " Oh, he wuz so busy with his inventions I couldn t 
 bear to disturb him," sez she, holdin her hand to her 
 achin side, " my son is the greatest genius in the world 
 and folks will admit it yet, he s a young man of a 
 thousand. 
 
 Sez I, " I should think more on him, Karen, if he 
 should go to work and take care of you instead of you 
 at your age workin so hard to take care of him." 
 
 She married when she wuz quite well along in years 
 and wuz gittin old now and hadn t ort to work so hard. 
 But her pale face lit up, " Oh, he will take care of me 
 luxuriously when he s completed some of his inventions." 
 
34 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " But," sez I pityin ly, " you know they hain t worked 
 yet, any on em. You hung your washin yesterday on 
 the remains of his Perpetual Motion, and his motor car 
 riage bein dug up from the creek, his uncle uses it as a 
 hen coop." 
 
 " Oh, but they will be successful, they will." 
 
 1 1 I hope so, but I feel it my duty to tell you that I feel 
 dubersome about it, dretf ul dubersome. 
 
 " But," sez she, " the New Perpetually Gushing Hot 
 Water Tank is goin to make us independently rich. 
 He s takin the plans now of Luman Heath s kitchen 
 stove and riggin up the machinery; Luman is to pay 
 him lavishly, you know Luman s wife is my own cousin." 
 
 I see how it wuz, Karen s friends, to please her, wuz 
 willin to offer up their sure comforts and solid founda 
 tions as a sacrifice on the altar of friendship and the 
 thought come over me, mebby I d ort to. But it did seem 
 as if I couldn t. 
 
 Sez Karen, " If it is a success at cousin Luman s, as it 
 is dead sure to be, Jabez is goin to take it to the St. 
 Louis Exposition." 
 
 He thinks the foreign powers will want to treat with 
 him for it. But I told him I would ruther he would let 
 our Government have it. But tennyrate he won t let 
 the Powers git the better of him in the contract and con 
 trol it and enrich themselves at his expense. He will get 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 35 
 
 his onparelled idees patented before he takes it to St. 
 Louis, it wouldn t be safe not to. I spoze the papers will 
 be full of it." 
 
 Such talk didn t seem to move me a mite, but it im 
 pressed Josiah dretfully and he sez, " I shall have this 
 new invention stand next to my hen coop at the Exposi 
 tion of St. Josiah." 
 
 I shuddered and turned the subject round quick as I 
 could. Well, Karen labored with me over two hours, 
 dwellin in particular on the perfect stillness of the heat- 
 in apparatus, and agin as before that thought tempted 
 me awfully, for I d hearn the cracklin snappin sounds 
 that sometimes comes from steam heat and dreaded to 
 have it reproduced in my home, and seein my looks 
 Karen amplified on the idee, How sweet it would be in 
 December to set down in a rockin chair in the still 
 warmth of a day in July and go through the winter in 
 that luxurious lovely way. She talked till she had to go 
 home almost on the run, for she said Jabez es mind 
 worked so hard it exhausted his body completely so she 
 had to have the most nourishin food ready for him at the 
 very minute or he would break right down. But to the 
 last she praised up Jabez es work. But I wouldn t say 
 a encouragin word furder than this, " I feel dubersome 
 about it, Karen, dretful dubersome." 
 
 That afternoon Rosy come over to stay all night, and 
 
36 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 she too tackled me on the subject. He had asked her to, 
 always hangin onto some woman for help. But with her 
 too I used the same tick-tacks I had with Karen, I said 
 mildly after each modest plea for his great genius, and 
 how well he would do the work, I feel dubersome about 
 it, Rosy, dretful dubersome." 
 
 Then she, too, sweetly spoke of the summer warmth, 
 and the entire absence of noise, and agin that thought 
 tempted me, but I sez, " How do you know, Rosy, that it 
 will be entirely noiseless! 
 
 " Oh, I know it will, Jabez sez so. He is sure to suc 
 ceed, and it will help him so to have your influence, he 
 expects to publish a book of the greater eulogies from 
 noted people on this new invention, and he intends to 
 have your name head the list. When you say this per 
 fectly noiseless machine heats your house too warm in 
 the coldest weather, what a help it will be to him, and 
 your name will be first, 7 she repeated agin. 
 
 " He d better have the President and Cabinet come 
 first," sez I dryly, dry as a chip in dog days. 
 
 < No, he spoke about that, but thought he would have 
 them come next to yours, and I approved of it," sez she 
 affectionately, " and so did his ma." 
 
 " He will git out the book as soon as he comes home 
 from the St. Louis Exposition with all the big eulogies 
 he gits there on his inventions." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 37 
 
 I groaned to myself and got up quick and went into 
 the buttery and took a drink of cold water, I felt so kinder 
 sickish. Well at modest intervals she would politely 
 and gently tackle me about it, at the table and while she 
 wuz washin dishes, but I held firm, though very con 
 siderate and tender to her. I mogulated my axent low 
 and gentle and looked mild at her over my specs, as I 
 washed and she wiped, but my words wuz ever the same. 
 
 " I feel dubersome about it, Eosy, dretful dubersome." 
 
 At last Josiah s temper riz up and he vowed he wouldn t 
 dally any longer, sez he, " I earned this money by the 
 sweat of my brow and I m goin to use it as I m a minter, 
 and I m a minter have these water pipes put in by Jabez 
 Wind. (He got the money by sellin a colt, Id no as 
 there wuz any great sweat about it). 
 
 But he wuz bound to have it done, and he did. And 
 for reasons named I dassent cross him too fur and put 
 my foot right down on the plan. And the children sez, 
 " Better anything, mother, than his celebration. If he 
 don t tear the house down over your head let him go on. 
 (Let him! I guess I had to let him.) 
 
 Jabez come on with all his riggin . He d borrowed 
 tools of the hardware man at Zoar, another of Karen s 
 cousins, and obtained the furnace and pipes on credit, I 
 spozed. 
 
 I made all the preparations I could in case of disaster. 
 
38 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Took up the carpets in that part of the house, took down 
 the curtains and moved the furniture, used all the pre 
 cautions I could to escape with life and limb if possible, 
 and insure the safety of my dear but misguided pardner, 
 and then I sot down in the parlor bedroom, the furthest 
 I could git without goin upstairs, and let the tide of 
 events sweep by me or sweep me away, and I didn t know 
 which it would be. I had to be downstairs anyway, for 
 (though Philury helped, I had to stand with my hand on 
 the helium, so to speak, and see to everything. What 
 made it worse, too, it come on the coldest snap we d had 
 all winter. 
 
 Well, one of the main arguments by Jabez and Josiah 
 wuz the speed with which this work wuz to be accom 
 plished. The hull thing wuz to be done and we settin 
 down fannin ourselves inside of three days, but for over 
 four weeks our house wuz a perfect pandemonium of 
 noise and confusion. 
 
 Iron pipes lay round in every direction, screws and 
 vises, nuts and hammers, wrenches and irons of all shapes 
 and descriptions strewed the house from top to bottom, 
 and ashes, dirt and dust wuz rampant, and Jabez runnin 
 up and down stairs, to and fro, talkin loud about what 
 a success he wuz makin of it and how everything wuz 
 workin jest as he wanted it to, and boasted in particular 
 every time he come acrost me, ashakin with the cold, how 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 39 
 
 perfectly still and noiseless it wuz goin to be, and how 
 luxurious and almost enervatin would be the warmth. 
 And I sez, rubbin my cold hands and pullin my heavy 
 woolen shawl closter round me, " It would be a little 
 different than it is now if it wuz still, or if it wuz warm." 
 And agin I shivered in the frigid air and sez: 
 
 " You guaranteed we wouldn t be torn up here over 
 three days, and it wuz four weeks yesterday. " 
 
 " That is because I have took such extra precautions 
 to have it perfectly noiseless. Never," sez he impres 
 sively, " from one year s end to the other will you ever 
 hear a sound from that apparatus, not the least murmur 
 or echo of a sound." 
 
 " Well, I hope not," sez I, " and I hope to gracious it 
 will be finished some time, for I m most freezin and 
 Josiah is takin cold, as I can see." 
 
 " No I hain t nuther," sez Josiah, his voice soundin 
 real wheezy and husky out from under his heavy wool 
 comforter. 
 
 Sez I, " You be cold, Josiah Allen, your nose is blue 
 this minute. 
 
 " Well, what if it is! I always liked that color any 
 way, I d ruther have it blue that red as madder," sez 
 he glancin at my most prominent feature. 
 
 Sez I, " It is the bitter cold that has turned our noses, 
 Josiah Allen, and when is it go in to end? 
 
40 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " It is going to end to-morrow mornin , at seven A.M. 
 we start the fire, and then/ sez he proudly, " I will set 
 down in perfect summer heat, calm and happy, and you, 
 too." For I spoze my oncomplainin misery appealed to 
 his latent manhood, and it had been latent in him for 
 some time. But he wuz driv most beyend his strength, 
 and the cold wuz almost Klondikey, I could make allow 
 ance for him. Well, the next day passed, and the next 
 and the next, and finally, jest four weeks and four days 
 after he had guaranteed to have it finished, Jabez hautily 
 announced, and Josiah proudly proclaimed, a fire could 
 be started. Karen wanted to be with us in the first trial 
 of the heat, so she appeared on the seen, so triumphant 
 and overjoyed it fairly made her worn haggard face look 
 considerable brighter. 
 
 Eosy had come to spend the day and stay all night, 
 invited by Karen to witness her son s triumph. But I 
 onbeknown to anybody, feelin I needed a strong arm 
 and cool brain to depend on, had beset Royal Nelson to 
 come and stand by me that day and night, I didn t say 
 Eosy wuz to be there for fear he wouldn t come, for I 
 could see by his white cheeks and sad, yet cool lookin 
 eyes, that he d about gin her up. He said to once that 
 he would come, and his sad eyes kinder laughed as he 
 added, " I will stand by you in your affliction." 
 
 Well, Jabez, with his face gay and joyous and his 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 41 
 
 tongue wagging weighted down with big, boastful words, 
 headed the procession down suller; Josiah and Ury filled 
 up the furnace and built the fire, Jabez seemin ly willin 
 they should do the work, he s so lazy. Rosy, Karen and 
 I remained upstairs, Philury and I tryin to mop and 
 sweep up some of the dirt, and before long I hearn a 
 buggy drive up, and see it wuz Royal Nelson, and in a 
 few minutes he come in lookin solid and reliable as ever. 
 
 Well, the upper tank had been filled, and at the wel 
 come news the fire wuz beginnin to burn bright we all 
 went upstairs watchin to see the grateful heat come up, 
 and some of our hands wuz on the pipes every minute, 
 when a low hollow rumblin wuz hearn down in the sul 
 ler, growin louder and louder every minute till it got to 
 be perfectly terrific, and Jabez run down there, his coat 
 tails almost layin level in his haste, and Josiah most 
 fallin over him, and Royal follerin on more tranquil 
 lookin 7 but excited all through I could see. 
 
 Ury stayed by us a spell, but as the deep hollow noise 
 strengthened to a loud roar, accompanied by a strange 
 rushin , gurglin sound, comin nearer and nearer, he 
 seized Philury by the arm and rushed her outdoors 
 through the snow, not stoppin till they got to the barn, 
 then he leggo of her and stood in the barn door to recon- 
 noiter. It wuz a awful and skairful seen. I couldn t 
 blame Ury, but like Sara of old, I felt that I must stay 
 
42 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 by my stuff, and Rosy and Karen hung to each other, 
 and both hung onto me, all on us tremblin like three 
 popple leaves. 
 
 Finally, jest as the three men come hurryin back into 
 the room to rescue or die with us I spoze, the boilin 
 water gin a louder, angrier roar, and riz up out of the 
 tank three feet into the air and poured and steamed and 
 deluged all over the floor. Well wuz it I took up the car 
 pet. But Josiah Allen, to prove he feared no danger, 
 had insisted on leavin the dressin gown he worshipped 
 hangin up in the clothes press where the tank wuz. 
 Alas! alas! as he brung it out drippin and steamin from 
 the fiery bath, where wuz the once gay colors? Them 
 tossels and red palm leaves on yeller ground that had 
 so lately been the light of his eyes and desire of his 
 heart? Who could tell which wuz palm leaves and which 
 wuz yeller ground? And as for the red tossels, their 
 glory had departed forever. Josiah groaned aloud as he 
 bore it out leavin a watery wake of red and yeller all 
 the way to the kitchen, where I follered him and told 
 him, so strong is woman s love in the hour of trouble, 
 " Dear Josiah, I am sorry for you, but I told you jest 
 how it would be." 
 
 He dashed it onto the floor and hollered out, You 
 didn t tell me nothin about it! you never said the word 
 dressin gown! and I d like to know what you re sorry 
 about, it is nothin , only a valve has bust or sunthin ." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 43 
 
 " Yes," sez I sadly, " I guess it is a sunthin ." Here 
 he kicked aginst the suller door so hard one of the panels 
 has been shaky to this day, and mn down there, Ja,bez 
 follerin him, while I seized a dipper and a twelve quart 
 pail and hurried up to the flooded deestrick, which we 
 commenced to bail out like a sinkin boat, Royal, Karen 
 and Rosy helpin me, and Ury havin his first fears 
 squenched by the overflow of water (which he expected 
 he said would blow off the hull ruff and top story of the 
 house), he and Philury laid to and helped. 
 
CHAPTEE III 
 
 ELL, Jabez said it wuz the sudden change 
 from cold to hot water that had caused the 
 overflow, so we put the biler on the kitchen 
 stove and the caldron kettle in the wood- 
 house, and het water bilin hot and filled the empty tank, 
 Josiah groanin loud as he lugged it up and sayin when 
 he thought I didn t hear him, " Oh, gracious Heavens! is 
 this two pails a year? 
 
 Then we all gathered in the front chamber agin 
 watchin events to come, Jabez boastin louder than ever 
 how like a charm it would work, and Karen opholdin 
 him. But Josiah looked anxious as I could see. When 
 agin that loud angry roar begun in the suller, and agin 
 Ury ketched Philury round the waist, for she wanted to 
 stand her ground, but he yanked her down stairs and half 
 way acrost the back yard. He loves her dearly and 
 thinks it a man s place to protect his pardner. He didn t 
 go so fur this time, but had almost onbeknown to himself 
 sought safety for his dear Philury in flight. 
 
 Agin Jabez and Josiah and Royal rushed down suller. 
 The dretful roar ended in a higher more steaminer vol 
 ume of water than before, agin we laid to and bailed it 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 45 
 
 out, our ranks bein reinforced anon by the returnin Ury 
 and Philury, and anon furder by Josiah, Royal, and 
 Jabez. Jabez didn t boast quite so loud now, and I wuz 
 glad to see that Rosy kinder cuddled up closter to Royal 
 as she wielded the dipper, as if she thought him a refuge 
 in time of storm. 
 
 Well, from that time, about three in the afternoon, till 
 ten P.M. the programmy wuz stidy over and over. Fillin 
 the tank, low snortin and rushin of the waters up and 
 down, chasin along the pipes in every room, hammerin , 
 kicking shooting like enraged artillery, at last thundering 
 like the most skairful clap of thunder and then with a 
 fearful roar the volume of water would mount up and 
 pour into the spare room and drizzle down into the settin 
 room below, takin off the plasterin in spite of our very 
 best efforts to bail it out. Over and over agin wuz the 
 wearisome and soul tuckerin job carried out, varied 
 every time by Ury ketchin Philury and fleein with her, 
 but the distance shortened every time, till at last he fled 
 with her no furder than the top of the kitchen stairs. 
 Karen s horrow struck, mortified looks Jabez es entire 
 absence of boastin , which in itself wuz dog queer, and 
 Rosy s instinctive turning to Royal for protection, which 
 wuz gladly granted. 
 
 Over and over the seen wuz enacted, Jabez every time 
 turnin some screw or valve or sun thin and prophesyin 
 
46 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 every time it would go right the next time, but said it 
 with feathers droopin , so to speak, more humble like and 
 doubtful. My poor pardner as he lugged up two heavy 
 pails of water at half-past nine P.M., I hearn him say: 
 
 11 Oh, gracious, Peter! is this two pails a year? This 
 makes more n a hundred pails I ve carried up to-night 
 myself besides Ury s and Jabezs es*." It wuzn t so, he 
 hadn t carried up more n thirty or forty twelve quart 
 pails. But yet I pitied him. Well, that also thundered 
 and deluged and guyzered out onto the floor accompanied 
 by the drips and drizzles into the settin room, Ury s 
 flight with Philury, Karen s mourns, and Josiah s 
 groans, for he had lost his pride and openly groaned and 
 jawed at Jabez and sez to him: 
 
 " You dum fool you! you don t know beans from a 
 broom stick ! I wouldn t trust you to make splinters to do 
 up a dog s leg! And Jabez jawed back again, and 
 Josiah sez, " I ll make you pay heavy damages for this 
 job, and I ve as good a mind as I ever had to eat, to give 
 you a good floggin with a rawhide." And as he grew 
 madder and madder he went on: 
 
 " This is your perfectly noiseless apparatus is it? 
 sez he pintin down towards the thunderin roar, " this is 
 your summer heat, hain t it? " pintin to the shiverin 
 crowd. " This is your freedom from labor-two-pails-a- 
 year job! one hundred pails of water have I lugged up- 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 47 
 
 stairs to-night if I have a pint! Now/ sez he, makin 
 towards him, " do you start out of this house before I 
 fall on you and rend you." Karen screamed and rushed 
 between em and fell onto Jabez and dragged him off 
 with her, he seemin glad to go. 
 
 Well, we let the fire go down as low as we could without 
 goin out, and went to bed shiverin and half froze, but with 
 soap stuns and hot-water bags we made out to git through 
 the night. In the mornin a sorry seen greeted us, cold 
 ness, discomfort, broken plasterin and dirt, and no pros 
 pect to all appearance of havin any better times. The 
 only gleam of light I could see in the hull prospect wuz 
 that Josiah in his excitement and wretchedness had seem- 
 in ly forgot that he d ever mentioned the Exposition of 
 St. Josiah. 
 
 Well, right after breakfast Karen come over lookin 
 as if she hadn t slep a wink and sez she, " Jabez lay 
 awake all night studyin on it and he knows now where 
 he made the mistake, he pinted one small lead pipe up 
 where it ort to been pinted down, he can make it all right 
 in an hour. 
 
 Well, Josiah, so sure it is that the hottest love soonest 
 cools, vowed that Jabez should never step his foot into 
 the house agin. And I wuz glad enough to see that Rosy 
 agreed with him. 
 
 But I wuz naterally made more megum, and thought, 
 
48 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 any port in a storm, and a hour won t be much anyway. 
 If we ve stood all this dirt and confusion for five weeks 
 we could stand it a hour longer. 
 
 " Well," sez Josiah, " I shall go into the woods for a 
 jag of maple, I won t see him, I dassent, for I should fall 
 on him and destroy him if I did. 
 
 So he went after a load of maple wood and Jabez come 
 and tinkered and hammered and pounded and then say- 
 in with some of his pride returned into his port: 
 
 It will go now like clock work. 
 
 He filled the tank and lit the fire agin with Ury s help. 
 But I wuz glad enough that Josiah wuz absent, for this 
 time the noise wuz so skairful that when Ury ketched 
 Philury round the waist and absconded with her, he 
 didn t stop till they had ploughed through the snow clear 
 past the old hen house. 
 
 I, too, ketched Eosy by the arm and run and stumbled 
 along most to the barn before I remembered myself and 
 regained my faculties, so to speak, it wuz so turrible this 
 time the loud, angry, roarin , hissin noise. 
 
 Karen nobly stood by Jabez, who I must say stood by 
 his job in that respect, but I guess they went out into the 
 hall, I thought I ketched a glimpse of em, as I havin 
 regained my faculty, run in. We got in jest after the 
 deluge poured out agin, higher, louder and more steam- 
 iner than ever, and when what few scraps of plaster re- 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 49 
 
 mained on the settin room had fell victims to the bilin 
 flood. Well, we let the fire go down agin and cowered 
 over the kitchen stove that day, and agin went shiverin 
 to bed. That night the weather moderated, and with a 
 low fire in the furnace, and the heat from the kitchen 
 stove, we kep middlin warm. We cleaned up the plas 
 ter, mopped the floor and wuz comparitively comfort 
 able for three days. The fourth night the fire in the 
 furnace riz up onbeknown to us in the night, and the 
 first we knew we wuz waked up by what we thought a 
 loud clap of thunder overhead, accompanied by a loud 
 roar, and shakin of the walls, and Josiah started up in 
 bed and sez, " Is the house struck, Samantha! " Who 
 ever heard of thunder at this time of year? Or is it a 
 earthquake? 
 
 But I gittin holt of my conscientiousness quicker than 
 he did, sez, " Josiah Allen, it is that heatin apparatus." 
 And to confirm my words we hearn the angry loud roar 
 and the water splurgin out over our heads and drizzlin 
 down through the laths in the next room. Even as I 
 spoke Eosy come down stairs in her pretty pink wrapper, 
 and sez she half asleep, but wholly afraid, " Oh, Aunt 
 Samantha, I do wish Royal was here! what a fearful 
 time! " sez she. 
 
 And if you ll believe it, so onselfish is a woman s 
 heart, even in the midst of her deepest tribulations, and 
 
50 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 so kinder sentimental, her words sent a faint ray of joy 
 over my heart, some like the pale light of a star shinin 
 out over a wild western tornado. But before I could 
 reply Ury come runnin diown stairs holdin Philury, 
 faithful critter that he wuz, and Josiah yelled at him: 
 " Do you go over to Kellup Wind s and bring that cussed 
 fool over here, and if he don t take out that invention of 
 his under ten minutes I will have the law on him, and 
 whip him within an inch of his life! 
 
 It wuz half-past three and we all got up, and I got 
 breakfast by lamp light. Ury come back and said Jabez 
 had been studyin for the hull of the last three days and 
 said he wuz absolutely sure now he knew what ailed it, 
 it wuz the little piece of pipe that led to the tank, it wuz 
 set in the wrong place, it would take about twenty min 
 utes to fix it so it would be entirely right. Josiah hol 
 lered out, " Be we goin to be used by that dum fool to 
 try his experiments on? Let him take it out or I will 
 take it out and throw it at him! 
 
 But Karen had writ a note to me, pleadin with me 
 as a sister in the meetin house, to let Jabez have this sole 
 chance, and I showed this note to Josiah and sez, " For 
 Karen s sake mebby we d better let him try it." 
 
 " For Karen s sake! " he yelled out, " why should we 
 pompey her? It is all her fault. What did she let him 
 live for when he wuz a babe? She is to the bottom of it, 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 51 
 
 if it hadn t been for her lettin him live we shouldn t 
 be in this state, up at midnight, hungry as bears, cold 
 as frogs, and our house a wreck I 
 
 But how true it is the noisest grief is soonest squenched. 
 At last he gin in and Jabez attacked it agin, and tink 
 ered and puttered at it all day, I watchin Josiah clost 
 for fear he would surround Jabez and fall on him and 
 demolish him in his anger. But all the difference his 
 work made it seemed as if the noise wuz a little louder 
 and the flood more tumultious and rushin if it could be 
 tumultiouser and rushiner. And by my advice Jabez 
 fled out of the suller door and streaked it for home cross 
 lots, for I feared that my beloved pardner might be led 
 by his righteous wrath, even into salt and buttery. 
 
 Jest as Jabez streaked it home, I watchin him from 
 the buttery window and also keepin my pardner at 
 bey in the milk room, I see a buggy drive into the yard, 
 and wuz I not glad to see the manly form and calm quiet 
 face of Eoyal Nelson. After he drove his handsome span 
 of grays into the horse barn he come in and I see his 
 linement looked considerable brighter and happier, 
 brightenin still more as he met Rosy s sweet smiles and 
 cordial words. 
 
 She wuz sick of Jabez, sick as lobely could make her. 
 And her old love and leanin on Royal Nelson had come 
 back in full force. Her fancy for Jabez had been light 
 
52 Samantlia at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 and transitory as his sir-name. And as I see their happy 
 means as they met, I felt that even the wreck and ruin 
 about us wuz mebby not too dear a price to pay for their 
 future happiness. The first thing Eoyal and Ury did, 
 Josiah helpin em, wuz to take out the furnace and 
 pipes, the hull caboodle on em, and then went over to 
 Jonesville and bought a new furnace and got a good 
 responsible man to put it in that very day. They tele 
 phoned to that hardware man to Zoar to come and take 
 away the remains of that invention, and how he settled 
 with Jabez I never knew, for Karen hushed it up, but I 
 know there is a coldness between em and they don t 
 speak. 
 
 Well, the places all bein made in the walls, and this 
 man bein a good workman, who had learnt his trade, that 
 night about eight P.M. the hull job wuz done, and still 
 ness and genial warmth made the place seem almost like 
 Heaven compared to what it had been. The next day 
 a man come and plastered overhead, Ury and Philury 
 helped clean the floors and put down the carpets, and 
 in three day s time everything wuz happy and calm and 
 quiet, and Josiah wuz beginnin to recover from the 
 effects of too voylent wrath upon his nerve. 
 
 Our noses had regained their natural color, and on the 
 third day Eosy with a last warm kiss and sweet smile 
 on me and visey versey went home, Koyal carryin her 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 53 
 
 in his new covered buggy, drawed by them two handsome 
 gray horses. They wuz engaged, and their plans all 
 made, they wuz to be married in the summer and go to 
 the St. Louis Exposition on their weddin tower. 
 
 And I thought, as I see em drive off, happy as a king 
 and queen in the bright moonlight, how true it is our 
 brightest joys often come through darkest tribulations. 
 Rosy s and Royal s happiness wuz enough in itself to 
 pay me abundantly for my tribulations. And then my 
 settin room new plastered and Josiah would never con 
 sented to tear it off, and it wuz lumpy and streaked and 
 broken, and here it wuz new plastered over smooth as 
 glass. 
 
 Oh! thinkses I how thankful I ort to be and how I ort 
 to forgit the troubles of the night in the joys of the 
 mornin . 
 
 And crownin blessin of all Josiah had seemin ly for 
 got all about the Exposition of Josiah Allen. He hadn t 
 mentioned it for days and the children and I wuz full 
 of hope, it wuz broke up. But, alas! in this world how 
 little you can tell what is broke and what hain t. 
 
 And the news Josiah brung home, what comfort there 
 wuz in the thought I like Karen and felt to rejoice with 
 her. It seemed that Luman Heath, not havin heard of 
 our afflictions, had let Jabez go on with his work the very 
 next day after he finished here. And the Perpetually 
 
54 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Gushing Hot Water Tank wuz the death blow to Jabez 
 Wind s inventive ambition, and alas! proved almost the 
 death blow to Luman Heath s beloved ones, the hull fam 
 ily circle on em. 
 
 He attached it to the kitchen stove, which wuz a per 
 fect steamer to burn and heat up. And fixed it so that 
 instead of the hot water goin acrost the room to the kit 
 chen sink as he meant to have it, it jest squirted right up 
 into the air bilin hot, so they had a perfect fiery geyser 
 there in their kitchen. Jabez run for his life, it had hit 
 him in the face. 
 
 They wuz Methodist folks with lots of children well 
 brung up and they never thought of havin such doin s 
 in their house, but the bilin crater pourin down hot 
 water come so sudden and onexpected onto em that three 
 of the little children wuz scalded most to-death as they 
 sot on the floor readin Bunyan s " Pilgrim s Progress." 
 And Luman, bald-headed, too, the fiery flood descended 
 onto him while he wuz tryin to bear his wife, who fell 
 into hystericks, into the settin room, he wuz hit on top 
 by the bilin torrent and blistered right on his bare head 
 as big as your hand. 
 
 He laid his wife down half faintin , told the screamin 
 children to look out for her and keep out of the kitchen, 
 hollered for the hired man to go after a doctor, and fell 
 back into a kind of spazzum. He bein a good man who 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 55 
 
 wouldn t swear, or rare round kep in his feelin s more. 
 The children got over it before he did, bad as they wuz 
 scalded, they screamed and yelled and let off considerable 
 steam that way. But he wuz bed sick for weeks holdin 
 onto his wrath and bein too good to jaw and kick Jabez, 
 the doctor said made it worse than if he had kicked some. 
 
 But to resoom backwards. The hired girl wuz the cool 
 est of any of em, she went into the kitchen with a water 
 proof and umbrella, and tried to turn the nozzle of the 
 Perpetual Gushing Hot Water Tank out-doors, and havin 
 to use both hands, and bein smart and quick witted, she 
 put the coal scuttle on bottom side up, and though blinded 
 by it and some scalded, she made out to turn the fury 
 of it out through the kitchen winder where it steamed 
 and squirted and poured out bilin water onto the flower 
 beds and acrost em into the road, scaldin passers by, 
 and bein a perfect horrow and mystery to em. It wuz 
 big and powerful, there hain t no doubt of that. 
 
 Well, owin to the hired girl s courage, by the time the 
 doctor got there the tank wuz emptied, and the torrent 
 had subsided into a drizzle. Luman Heath didn t prose 
 cute Jabez, bein such a good man, and how I honor him 
 for it, how I honor him for not actin and swearin . The 
 doctor may say what he wants to, he wuz noble to bear it 
 as he did. I have seen kickin and actin in times of 
 trial, and how I honor a man who can refrain, and he 
 got well as quick, I believe, as though he had acted. 
 
56 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 But as I wuz sayin the greatest relief that come to 
 the community from our trials wuz as follers. Take it 
 with his doin s at our house and Luman Heath s, Jabez 
 Wind had evidently had enough of inventions. He hired 
 out for a year the very next day after the eppisode, to 
 work for twenty dollars a month on a farm, house rent, 
 wood, and cow furnished. Kellup Wind is goin to live 
 with a daughter, and Karen is blissful at thought of 
 keepin house for Jabez. Good creeter! I hope she will 
 have a little rest now. I said I meant to go and see her 
 jest as soon as she wuz settled. 
 
 Well, for two days my feelin s of joy and thankfulness 
 wuz onclouded. But alas, poor mortals! that plant the 
 flowers of their happiness on earthly sile, they must see 
 em wither before their ace and eyes anon or oftener 
 like Jonah s gourd. 
 
 The third day, whilst I wuz settin happy and calm in 
 my frame in my warm peaceful settin room often liftin 
 my eyes contentedly to the satin smooth ceilin . 
 
 What wuz my emotions of grief and borrow to see 
 Josiah rise up, haul out his tin trunk where he d care- 
 fuly stored away the plans of the St. Josiah Exposition, 
 and go to studyin em agin with renewed vigor, savin : 
 
 " I hope to gracious I can have my mind clear now to 
 go on and plan my Exposition; this dum work has set 
 me back turribly." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 57 
 
 I let my work fall into my lap and gin vent to some 
 sithes, so deep they wuz almost groans, whilst the bitter 
 waters of disappintment trickled over my hopes and 
 drownded em out. Had I got to go through another siege 
 of argument and persuasion and extra vittles? Could 
 my too hard worked oratory hold out, and also my pro 
 visions? 
 
 I see the children next day and told em how it wuz, 
 that their Pa seemed more sot on his plan than ever, 
 and talked more excited and earnest about it than 
 I had ever seen him. For it did seem as if his 
 deep ambitions dammed up for a time by furnaces and 
 Jabezeses" had broke loose into a wider, deeper current 
 than ever. He talked incessantly about it day and 
 night, laid on his plans, and reached out onto new 
 ones. 
 
 The children sez to me agin: " Mother, it must be 
 stopped at all hazards ! 
 
 And agin I wep , and sez to em: " How can it be 
 stopped? " 
 
 Tirzah Ann looked completely squelched and could do 
 nothin only weakly ask: " If I spozed I could git him to 
 play on a accordeon, she kinder thought that some time 
 she d hearn of some man, somewhere havin his mind 
 soothed by one." 
 
 " Accordeon! " sez I. " You couldn t git his mind 
 
58 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 offen that plan if you gin him one of the golden harps 
 we read about." 
 
 Tirzah Ann subsided, only sayin : " We would all be 
 the town s talk, and it would probable kill her with mor 
 tification." 
 
 Thomas J. sot still with his brow knit in deep thought 
 and sez " I will try one thing more." 
 
 I never knew exactly how Thomas J. worked it, or what 
 he paid em, but I know that a day or two after, the prices 
 them livin statutes asked Josiah for bein whitewashed, 
 wuz sun thin 7 perfectly exorbitant, and so with the Pow 
 ers and the Peaceful Inventors. He never could stood it 
 with his closeness. 
 
 Thomas J. didn t appear outwardly, but wuz the power 
 behind the thrones, so I spoze. "When Josiah wuz taxed 
 with these fearful expenses (they writ it in letters to 
 him) his plan tottled ready to fall. And of course I 
 stood ready and follered it up with eloquent arguments, 
 tenderness and the very best of vittles. Neither on em 
 could carried the day alone, but all together conquered. 
 He gin in. The plan tottered over and fell onto him, 
 and my pardner, to continue the metafor, lay under the 
 ruins as squshed and mute as if he wuz never goin to git 
 up agin. 
 
 But when his wild emotions of ambition and vanity 
 and display wuz all broke up a settled melancholy hov- 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 59 
 
 ered down onto him and draped him like a black mantilly. 
 He seemed all onstrung, and all my efforts to string him 
 up agin seemed vain. 
 
 I strove to hide my apprehensions under a holler veil 
 of calmness and even hilarity; I give him catnip with a 
 smile on my lip but deep forebodin in my mind, and the 
 same with thoroughwert. But catnip didn t nip his am 
 bition and thoroughwort wuzn t thorough enough to 
 restore his cheerfulness. 
 
 I encouraged him to go to the lake fishin with Deacon 
 Henzy, though Pd suffered more than I had ever told 
 from similar occasions. Deacon Henzy loves hard cider 
 and keeps a kag on tap durin the summer, he sez it is 
 for his liver, but liver or no liver it hain t right. 
 
 I hain t goin to make no insinuations about their do- 
 in s though sister Henzy has approached me on the sub 
 ject time and agin, she hain t so clost mouthed as I am. 
 But I will merely say that when they got back their two 
 breaths didn t smell as two deacon s breaths ort to smell. 
 But I didn t say nothin about it outside and shan t, I 
 use tack. I spoke on t to Josiah at the time, yes indeed 
 I beam the call of Duty and obeyed. 
 
 But as I wuz savin , though it trompled on all my feel- 
 in s and forebodin s I urged em to go agin and they went. 
 And I shan t tell how their breaths smelt when they got 
 back it hain t best, only simply sayin that Josiah took 
 
60 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 an empty pint fruit can with him that mornin when he 
 went over to the Deacon s to start, and I never inquired 
 what he took it for, so fur will a female let even her 
 principles be outraged when the life of her beloved com 
 panion is at the stake I tried to think he wuz go in to 
 take milk in it. 
 
 But the small string of tiny fish wuz all he ketched out 
 of the deep waters, he didn t ketch any cheerfulness or 
 happiness for himself or me, only disappintment and 
 shagrin for I felt if I didn t use all my tack mebby the 
 meetin house would try to set down on him. Two dea 
 cons! the very idee on t! 
 
 But I kep mum and dressed the fish myself and fried 
 em in butter, only hopin I wouldn t lose em in the fry- 
 in pan, but Josiah didn t seem to relish em no better 
 than he would side pork, and agin I felt baffled, and re- 
 memberin the fruit can, a element of guilt also mingled 
 with the baffle. Biled vittles with a bag puddin which 
 he loved almost to idolatry I put before him in vain; I 
 petted him; I called him " dear Josiah " repeatedly; I 
 fairly pompeyed him, but no change could I see, I felt 
 turrible. 
 
 He still kep a runnin down and I didn t know when 
 he would stop runnin and I shuddered to think where 
 he might run to. At last in spite of Josiah s on willing 
 ness I sent for Doctor Bombus. He come and took his 
 wrist in hisen and Josiah sez kinder mad actin : 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 61 
 
 " What do you want to feel of my polt for? My polt 
 
 beats all right! " 
 
 He looked at his tongue, Josiah stickin it out as if 
 he wuz makin a face at him. He inquired about symp 
 toms, all of which Josiah answered snappishly, the exam 
 ination over, the doctor walked the floor back and forth 
 
 with one hand under his coat tail and the other in his 
 breast in deep thought and then said: 
 
 " My diagnosis denotes no diametrical and insurmount 
 able difficulties but I would recommend a temporary 
 transition or in other words a change of climate. " 
 
 " Change of climate! " muttered Josiah, " I guess any 
 body that lives in this state gits changes enough, from 
 torrid to zero in twenty-four hours lots of times I d 
 like to know where you wintered! " 
 
62 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 1 Nevertheless and notwithstanding, sez Doctor Bom- 
 bus, blandly ignoring Josiah s muttering impatience, 1 1 I 
 can but recapitulate my former prescription, a temporary 
 translation from surrounding environment." 
 
 And he gathered up his saddle bags and went out, bag- 
 oning me out into the hall as he did so. And then he 
 advised me to take him to the St. Louis Exposition. 
 
 But I sez, " I dassent, I m afraid it would open his 
 woonds afresh, he knowed all the circumstances that had 
 caused his sickness. But he wuz a Homeopath and be 
 lieved in takin the same kind of medicine backward and 
 forward as it were, sunthin as the poem runs: 
 
 Tobacco hie when you re well will make you sick, 
 Tobacco hie will make you well when you re sick. 
 
 I told him I thought it wuz a hazardous undertaking 
 and I hardly dast, but he informed me in words more n 
 two inches long that he could do nothing more for him, 
 and if I didn t f oiler his advice it would be at my own 
 peril. 
 
CHAPTER IV 
 
 FELT tumble. What wuz I to do to do 
 right? How wuz I to handle this enormous 
 prescription, St. Louis Exposition, and give 
 it in proper doses to the beloved patient? 
 I knowed the size of the mind I had to deal with, I 
 knowed the size of the medicine I wuz told to deal out to 
 that mind. 
 
 Could it stand the strain? Could that small citadel 
 stand a assault of such magnitude without crumplin 
 and crumblin right down? Dast I venter? And then 
 agin dast I disobey the imperative advice of Doctor Bom- 
 bus? So I wuz tossted to and fro like the waves of the 
 sea. 
 
 But one thing I wuz determined on, I wouldn t start 
 alone with him in the state he wuz in, for if he should 
 lose his mind in that immense place how could I find it 
 with no one to help me? It would be worse than lookin 
 for a cambric needle in a hay-mow. 
 
 I knew how the shafts of calumny and envy might be 
 aimed at me by his relations, so I would take along one on 
 his side to share my responsibility, so if he did lose his 
 mind and couldn t find it agin, they couldn t find fault with 
 
64 
 
 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 me and say I hadn t done 
 my best. So I proposed 
 that his niece, Blandina 
 Teeter, should go with us, 
 she is well off and a willin 
 creeter. 
 
 Josiah didn t seem to 
 care either way, but lan 
 guidly remarked that if he 
 did go he wanted a sky 
 blue neck-tie. That wuz 
 the first sign of interest 
 he had took in anything, 
 and I hailed it as a good 
 omen but got the tie as 
 dark a blue as I dast. 
 
 Blandina Teeter, for 
 merly Allen, is a widder 
 with a tall spindlin figger 
 pale complected, with big 
 light blue eyes that ruther 
 stand out of her head, and 
 a tall peaked forehead 
 with light hair combed down smooth on both sides with 
 scalops made in it by hand. She is good natered to a 
 fault, you know you can kill yourself on milk porridge, 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 65 
 
 and though folks don t philosophize on it you can be too 
 good to be comfortable. 
 
 She is a natural lover of mankind, no thin light in it, 
 jest a deep meetin house love. She wuz born that way on- 
 beknown to her I spoze, and so I d no as I ort to blame 
 her for her soft ways. I hadn t seen her for some years 
 and had kinder forgot how soft and squshy she wuz in 
 her nater, and I declare for t when I got her and Josiah 
 both together, had marshaled my forces, as you may say 
 before my mind s review, I didn t know how I wuz goin 
 to git em to St. Louis and back agin hull. It did seem 
 to me that if I got through all right with Josiah, she wuz 
 that soft and meller she would spile on my hands anyway. 
 
 But she wuz the only one on his side available in the 
 position of second chaperone to Josiah and so I took my 
 chances. 
 
 She had been a widder some years; Teeter had used 
 her shameful, spent her property and throwed her round 
 considerable, but still she kep up her perennial love and 
 passionate adoration of man. And thinkses I it will work 
 well anyway with her Uncle Josiah, for lovin all mankind 
 as she did from infancy to age, I knowed that bein the 
 only male in the party she would keep her eye on him. 
 
 Blandina wuz more than willin when I explained mat 
 ters to her. She said she felt that men wuz such precious 
 creeters that too much care could not be took of em, and 
 
66 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 that it would give her the greatest pleasure to surround 
 her Uncle Josiah with all the care that a most devoted af 
 fection could dictate. 
 
 She s an awful clever critter, it hain t good nater that 
 she lacks. But there is sunthin wantin in her, I believe 
 it is common sense. 
 
 But we sot out, I with considerable misgivin at heart, 
 but calm and cool on the outside, clad as I wuz in dignity 
 and a gray braize delaine dress and a bunnet of the same 
 color, I also wore my costly cameo pin fastened in my 
 linen collar. Some gray lisle thread gloves and a rich 
 Paisley shawl completed my toot a sembly. 
 
 Blandina had on a soft yellerish dress, I guess it wuz 
 lawn it looked most as soft as she did, and a hat that 
 kinder drooped round her face trimmed with crushed 
 strawberry roses. She also wore some open-work mitts, 
 and a lace long shawl that had been her ma s, 
 
 Josiah had on his pepper and salt costoom, and in my 
 partial eyes he wuz beautiful, but, oh, so sad, so deprested. 
 Would the gloom ever be lifted from his beloved lini 
 ment! So my heart questioned itself as we helped our 
 selves out of the Democrat, Ury tendin to the trunks. 
 
 It wuz a Monday mornin , for I felt that I wanted to 
 tackle this job jest as I would a three weeks washin , the 
 first day of the week. Ury shook our hands firmly but 
 sadly, promisin to the last to see to things and not let 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 67 
 
 the cows into the garden, and keep the buttery door shet 
 up nights, for though the cat is not a habitual snooper, 
 yet she will sometimes snoop. 
 
 The car wuz crowded, mebby folks had hearn of our 
 goin and wanted to ride a spell with us. Tennyrate Jo- 
 siah and I had to be separated at the outset of our journey, 
 he settin with a man acrost the aisle; Blandina got a 
 seat with an aged gentleman while I sot down with a pale 
 complected woman in deep mournin . Or at least what 
 mournin she had wuz deep. She wore a thick crape veil 
 and black cotton gloves. But her dress wuz chocklate 
 delaine. The mournin wuz borryed, she told me most as 
 soon as I sot down. 
 
 She wuz on the way to the funeral of her father. He 
 had lived with her, but died while he wuz on a visit to 
 her sister. She wuz feelin dretful and said she didn t 
 know what she would do without him; she took on real 
 bad, and I sez, " Yes, losin a pa is an awful loss." 
 
 " Yes," sez she, " pa wuz a dretful good man. I don t 
 see what we re goin to do without him; we shall miss 
 him so makin line fences. He knew all about where they 
 ort to stand." 
 
 I wuz kinder took back. But then come to think it over 
 I see it wuz better to be missed in line fences than not at 
 all. She got out at the next station, and my own pardner 
 took the vacant seat by my side, and on and on we wuz 
 
68 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 whirled from the peaceful shores of Jonesville to the 
 pleasures and dangers of the great city. 
 
 As I said, I wanted to get to St. Louis the first of the 
 week, but Josiah took it into his head that he wanted to 
 visit his nephew, Orange Allen, who lives in the Ohio, and 
 under the circumstances it wuz not for me to cross him 
 in anything that wuz more or less reasonable. So we 
 stopped there and had a good visit. He keeps a dairy 
 farm and owns forty cows besides a wife and three young 
 children ; he is doing well. His pa havin a horticultural 
 and floral turn of mind, named his two boys Lemon and 
 Orange. His girls are Lily, Rose and Violet. Lily is 
 dark complected and so fat that she looks like a pillar with 
 a string tied in the middle, and Rose and Violet are as 
 humbly as they make but respectable. Folks ort to be 
 more cautious in namin children, but they re all married 
 quite well, and we had a good visit with em, stayin most 
 of the time at Orange s. 
 
 And I see with joy that the shadder on my pardner s 
 face lifted quite a little durin our stay there, but of course 
 this belated us and we didn t git to St. Louis till Saturday 
 late in the afternoon. St. Louis is a big sizeable place. 
 Mr. Laclede cut the tree for the first log-house in the 
 forest where St. Louis now stands in 1764. America had 
 several cities all started at that time, but St. Louis jest 
 put in and growed, and now it is the fourth city in the 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 69 
 
 United States. It s an awful worker, why it produces 
 more in its factories than is produced by the hull of thirty- 
 seven States, jest think on t ! And it has thirty-two mil 
 lion folks to buy the things it produces. Twenty-seven 
 railways run into it; the city rules itself and leads the 
 world in many manufactures. They say it is the richest 
 community in the world, and I couldn t dispute it, for 
 they seemed jest rollin in riches all the while I wuz there ; 
 wuzn t put to it for a thing so fur as I could see. 
 
 It is noted for its charities ; it has the biggest Sunday- 
 school in the world, two thousand three hundred and 
 forty- four children in one school jest think on t! Its 
 Union railroad station is the finest in the Universe, so they 
 say, and jest the buildin covers twenty acres. And it 
 has the greatest bridge over the greatest river in the world. 
 
 But everything has its drawbacks, the water there hain t 
 like Jonesville water; I don t say it to twit em, but it is 
 a solemn truth, the water is riley, they can t dispute it. I d 
 love to hand em out a pailful now and then from our 
 well, and would if I had the chance how they would 
 enjoy it. 
 
 Blandina and I wanted to go to once to Miss Huff s, a 
 woman we used to know in Jonesville who keeps a small 
 boardin house. 
 
 But Josiah, who had seen pictures on t, wanted to go to 
 the Inside Inn. He said they d advertised cheap rooms, 
 
70 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 it would have a stylish sound to tell on t in Jonesville 
 and it would be so handy and equinomical for we wouldn t 
 have to pay entrance fees. So to please him, which wuz 
 the main effort of us two chaperones, we went there. We 
 wuz tired to death that night anyway, and wanted a quiet 
 haven and wanted it to once, for truly when Josiah pinted 
 out the elegant buildin s that we passed I looked coldly 
 on em, and said that there wuzn t one that looked so good 
 to me as a goose feather piller would. And I had made 
 up my mind that I wouldn t take a note or act as a Ob 
 server at all till Monday mornin . So I faced the crowd 
 and the Fair ground as not seem em as it were, carryin 
 out my firm idee to begin the job as Observer and De 
 lineator the first day of the week. 
 
 The Inside Inn we found wuz a buildin as big as the 
 hull of our neighborhood and I d no but part of Loon- 
 town and Zoar, it wuz immense. And everywhere you d 
 look you would see this sign pasted up : 
 " Pay In Advance ! Pay In Advance ! " 
 Josiah acted real puggicky about it, he said he be 
 lieved they had hearn we wuz comin and got them signs 
 printed for fear we would cheat em out of their pay or 
 wuzn t able to pay. And he sez, " I ll let em know I 
 am a solid man and have got money ! " And he took out 
 his little leather bag where he keeps the most of his 
 money and showed em in a careless way as much as 
 fifteen dollars in cash. 
 
He showed em in a careless way as much as fifteen dollars in 
 cash. Page 70. 
 
(<< t 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 71 
 
 I told him it wuz venturesome to show off so much 
 money, but he said he wuzn t go in to have em insinuat- 
 in in this mean underhanded way that we couldn t pay 
 our bills. 
 
 Blandina would pay her own bills, but then she s got 
 plenty and Josiah said, " Let her pay for herself if she 
 wants to." And I said : 
 
 " Well, I spoze it will make her feel better to pay her 
 way." 
 
 " Yes," he sez, " and it makes me feel better too." 
 
 A young chap took our satchel bags and went to show 
 us our room, and we went through one long hall after 
 another, and walked and walked and walked, till I 
 thought we should drop down. And finally Josiah stopped 
 in his tracks and faced the feller, and sez he: 
 
 "Look here, young man, what do you take us for? 
 We hain t runnin for mail carriers, and we hain t nig 
 gers trainin for a cake walk. We d love to git a room 
 and set down some time to-day ! " 
 
 " Yes, sir," sez the man, " we are most to your rooms." 
 And he turned and begun to go down stairs, and we f ol- 
 lered him down two flights and started for a third one, 
 and then Josiah faced him agin : 
 
 " What in Tunket ails you, anyway? Because we come 
 from the country we don t propose to be put down suller 
 amongst your cabbages and turnips ! I want you to take 
 
72 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 us to some good rooms; I ve paid in advance, duna you! 
 and I m goin to stand for my rights." 
 
 " Yes, sir," sez the man, " they re good rooms." 
 
 And I knowin we wuz three to one and if he wuz leadin 
 us off into a trap to git Josiah s money we could over 
 power him, I wunked for Josiah to keep still, but he 
 wouldn t, but kep on mutterin whilst the man led us down 
 two more flights, and into some quite good rooms, only if 
 you ll believe it there wuz a tree growin right up through 
 our room as big as Josiah s waist. 
 
 And that made Josiah as mad as a hen agin, and he 
 told the man, " We ve been imposed upon ever since we 
 entered this house. You knew we lived on the outskirts 
 of Jonesville, and you ve took liberties with us that you 
 wouldn t if we had come from the heart of the village. 
 But I ll let you know we re knowed and respected, and 
 Jonesville will resent it to think you ve put us in with 
 trees, tryin to make out we re green, I spoze." 
 
 But the man wuz up two flights of stairs by this time. 
 And I quelled Josiah down by sayin we would try to make 
 the best on t. The hotel is built on a side hill, that s why 
 we had to come down stairs ; there are four stories more 
 in the back than in front, and they wouldn t let em cut 
 down all the trees so they had to build right round em. 
 
 But I ruther enjoyed it, and hung my man t illy up on it, 
 there wuz some nails that somebody had left in it, and the 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 73 
 
 tabs hung down noble. And as I told Josiah, " Trees are 
 kinder sociable things anyway." 
 
 " Sociable ! " he groaned. " We don t need trees in order 
 to be sociable." And sure enough, on both sides on us wuz 
 goin on private conversations that we could hear every 
 word on. It wuz a very friendly place. 
 
 Well, I het up my little alcohol lamp and made a cup 
 of tea and we had lots left in our lunch basket. So I called 
 Blandina, her room wuz only jest a little ways from ourn, 
 and we had a good lunch and felt recooperated. 
 
 We slep as well as we could considerin the size and 
 hardness of the mattress and pillows, and the confidences 
 that wuz bein poured into us onbeknown from both sides. 
 
 The house is built dretful shammy. Why I hearn that 
 a man weighin most three hundred took a room there, and 
 comin in one evenin dretful tired from the day s tramp 
 on the Fair ground leaned up heavy aginst the wall to 
 pull off his boots, and broke right through into the next 
 room. 
 
 And that room wuz occupied by a young married couple. 
 You know it wuz dretful fashionable to marry and go to 
 St. Louis on your tower. So they d follered Fashion and 
 the star of Love and wuz havin a first rate time. 
 
 They had been there several days, and this evenin , he 
 thinkin his eyes of her, and feelin very sentimental as 
 wuz nateral, wuz readin poetry to her, she settin the 
 
74 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 picture of happiness and contentment with her feet on a 
 foot-stool, her pretty hands clasped in her lap, and her 
 eyes lookin up adorin ly into hisen as he read: 
 
 " Oh, beautious love, sweet realm of joy, 
 No wild alarm shall ere thy sweet calm break." 
 
 When crash ! bang ! down come the partition with a half 
 dressed man on top, brandishin aloft a boot and screamin 
 like a painter, as wnz only natural. He broke right into 
 Love s Sweet Realm and skairt em into fits. 
 
 She fell to once into highstericks, and he, when he re 
 covered conscientiousness threatened to lick the man, and 
 everybody in St. Louis, and made the air blue with con 
 versation that the Realm of Love never ort to hearn on, 
 and wouldn t probable for years and years if it hadn t 
 been for this contrary temps. 
 
 I hearn this, but don t say it is so; you can hear most 
 anything and it held us in all right. 
 
 The next day, bein Sunday, Josiah thought it would be 
 our duty to stay on the Fair ground and see the Pike, etc. 
 But I sez : " Josiah, we will begin this hefty job right, we 
 will go to meetin ." 
 
 So we went out into the city and hunted up a M. E. 
 meetin house and hearn a good sermon and went into 
 class meetin and gin testimonies both on us. And Blan- 
 dina bein asked to by a man went forward for prayers 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 75 
 
 and sot for a spell on the sinners bench. She s been a mem 
 ber for years, but she s such a clever creeter she wants to 
 obleege everybody. 
 
 Well, bavin done our three duties we went back peace 
 ful and pious in frame and went to walk in of course to 
 our own temporary home. But what do you think! that 
 misuble, cheatin man at the gate asked us to pay to git in. 
 We hearn afterward that this wuz a dishonest man and 
 wuz sent off. 
 
 " Pay ! " sez Josiah. " Pay to come home from meetin ! 
 Did you want us to hang round the meetin house all day 
 and sleep on the steps! Or what did you want? " 
 
 The man kep that stuny look onto him and sez, " Fifty 
 cents each." 
 
 Josiah fairly trembled with rage as he handed out the 
 money, and sez he in a threatenin way, " You hain t hearn 
 the last of this, young man. Square Baker of Jonesville 
 will git onto your tracks, and you d better have a tiger 
 after you than have him when he s rousted up. Pay for 
 comin home from meetin , it is a disgrace to the nation! 
 Call this a land of liberty when you have to pay for comin 
 home from meetin ! " 
 
 And sez he, as he took his change back, " Do you know 
 what you re doin I You re drivin Samantha and me away 
 from this place, and Blandina." And sez he, with an air 
 of shootin his sharpest arrer, " We shall go to Miss Huff s 
 to-morry." 
 
76 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 And so we did. Blandina and I wanted to go there in 
 the first place, so we felt well about it. We had fulfilled 
 our duties as chaperones to the fullest extent, and had also 
 got our own two ways in the end, which is always com- 
 f ortin to a woman. 
 
 We found Miss Huff settled in a pleasant street in a 
 good comfortable home, not so very fur away from the 
 Fair ground. She s a widder with one son, young and 
 good lookin , jest home from school; and a aged parent, 
 toothless and no more hair on his head than on the cover 
 of my glass butter dish. And I ll be hanged if I knowed 
 which one on em Blandina paid the most devoted atten 
 tion to whilst we wuz there, but nothin light and triflin . 
 
 She is likely, her morals mebby bein able to stand more 
 bein so sort o withy and soft than if they wuz more hard 
 and brittle, they could bend round considerable without 
 breakin . 
 
 And Miss Huff had also a little grand-niece, Dorothy 
 Evans, whose mother had passed away, and Miss Huff 
 bein next of kin had took into her family to take care of. 
 Dretful clever I thought it wuz of Miss Huff. Dorothy s 
 mother, I guess, didn t have much faculty and spent every 
 thing as she went along; she had an annuity that died 
 with her, but she had been well enough off so she could 
 hire a nurse for the child, an elderly colored woman, Aunt 
 Tryphena by name, who out of love for the little one had 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 77 
 
 offered to come to Miss Huff s just to be near the little 
 girl. 
 
 And Dotie, as they well called her, for everyone doted 
 on her, wuz as sweet a little fairy as I ever see, her pretty 
 golden head carried sunshine wherever it went. And her 
 big blue eyes, full of mischief sometimes, wuz also full of 
 the solemn sweetness of them "Who do always behold 
 the face of the Father." 
 
 I took to her from the very first, and so did Josiah and 
 Blandina. The hull family loved and petted her from 
 Miss Huff and her old father down to Billy, who alter 
 nately petted and teased her. 
 
 To Aunt Tryphena she wuz an object of perfect adora 
 tion. And Aunt Tryphena wuz a character uneek and 
 standin alone. When she wuz made the mould wuz 
 throwed away and never used afterwards. She follered 
 Dorothy round like her shadow and helped make the beds 
 and keep the rooms tidy, a sort of chamber-maid, or ruther 
 chamber-woman, for she wuz sixty if she wuz a day. 
 
 Besides Aunt Tryphena Miss Huff had two more girls 
 to cook and clean. She had good help and sot a good table, 
 and Aunt Feeny as they called her wuz a source of con 
 stant amusement and interest ; but of her more anon. 
 
 We got to Miss Huff s in the afternoon and rested the 
 rest of that day and had a good night s sleep. 
 
 In the mornin Josiah, who went out at my request be- 
 
78 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 fore breakfast to buy a little peppermint essence, come in 
 burnin with indignation, his morals are like iron (most 
 of the time). 
 
 He said a man had been advisin him to take the Im 
 moral Railway as the best way of seein the Fair grounds 
 as a hull before we branched out to see things more min 
 utely one by one. 
 
 " Immoral Railway ! " he snorted out agin. 
 
 " I hope you didn t fall in with any such idee, Josiah 
 Allen." And I sithed as I thought how many took that 
 kind of railway and wuz whirled into ruin on t. 
 
 " Fall in with it ! I guess the man that spoke to me 
 about it thought I didn t fall in with it. I gin that feller 
 a piece of my mind." 
 
 " I hope you didn t give him too big a piece," sez I 
 anxiously ; " you know you hain t got a bit to spare, speci 
 ally at this time." 
 
 " Oh, how I watched over that man day by day ! I 
 wanted the peppermint more for him than for me. I laid 
 out if he seemed likely to break down to give him a 
 peppermint sling. 
 
 Not that I am one of them who when fur away from 
 home dash out into forbidden paths and dissipation, but 
 I didn t consider peppermint sling wrong anyway, there 
 hain t much stimulant to it. 
 
 Well, we started out for the Fair in pretty good season 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 79 
 
 in the mornin , Billy Huff offered to go and put us on 
 the right car, so he walked ahead with Blandina, Josiah 
 and I follerin clost in their rears. Blandina looked up at 
 him and f ollered his remarks as clost and stiddy as a sun 
 flower follers the sun. She had told me that mornin 
 whilst I wuz gittin ready to start that he wuz the loveliest 
 young man she had ever met, and a woman would be happy 
 indeed who won him for her consort. And I said, as I 
 pinned my collar on more firmly with my cameo pin, that 
 I presoomed that he would make a good man and pardner 
 when he growed up. 
 
 And she said, " Difference in age don t count anything 
 when there is true love." Sez she, " Look at Aaron Burr 
 and Lord Baconsfield," and she brung up a number more 
 for me to look at mentally, whilst I wuz drapin my man- 
 tilly round my frame in graceful folds. 
 
 But I told her I didn t seem to want to spend my time 
 on them old ghosts that mornin , havin such a big job on 
 my hands to tackle that day as first chaperone to Josiah, 
 and I got her mind off for the time bein , by the time I had 
 fastened on my mantilly so the tabs hung as I wanted em 
 to hang. 
 
CHAPTER V 
 
 IOSIAH wuz for goin into the, show by the 
 entrance nighest to Miss Huff s, but I said, 
 " No, that may do for other times, but 
 when I first enter this Fair ground as a 
 Observer (for in our visit to the Inside Inn we wuz only 
 weary wayfarers, too tired to observe, and the Sabbath we 
 felt wuz no time to jot down impressions). No, this day 
 I felt wuz in reality our dayboo, and I sez impressively, 
 " I will not go sneakin in by any side door or winder, Pm 
 goin to enter by the main gateway." 
 Josiah kinder hummed : 
 
 " Broad is the road that leads to death 
 And thousands walk together there." 
 
 But when he found we could go in there at the same 
 price he didn t parley further, .and Billy took us to the 
 car that would leave us where I wanted to be. 
 
 The main entrance is in itself a noble sight worth goin 
 milds and milds to see, a long handsome buildin curvin 
 round gracefully some in shape like a mammoth U only 
 bendin round more at the ends, and endin with handsome 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 81 
 
 bulletin s, and tall pillars decorate the hull length and 
 flags wave out nobly all along on top. 
 
 Mebby it wuz meant for a U and meant Union, a 
 name good enough for entrance into anything or anywhere. 
 And if it wuz I approved on t, and would encouraged em 
 by tellin em so if they d asked me beforehand. Union ! 
 a name commandin world-wide respect, writ in blue and 
 gray on millions of hearts, sealed with precious blood. 
 
 The centre of the long buildin peaks up and arches over 
 you in such a lofty and magnificent way that you feel 
 there some as Miss Sheba must have felt when she went 
 to visit Mr. and Miss Solomon or the Misses Solomon, I 
 spoze I ort to say, he had a variety of wives, though it 
 is nothin I ever approved on, and would told him so if I d 
 had the chance. 
 
 But good land! Mr. Solomon never had any sights to 
 show Miss Sheba approachin this Fair, I wouldn t been 
 afraid to take my oath on t. 
 
 We riz the flight of steps which hundreds and hundreds 
 could rise similtaneously and abreast, paid our three fares 
 and went in. And when you first stand inside of that 
 gate the beauty jest strikes you in your face some like a 
 great flash of lightnin , only meller and happifyin instead 
 of blindin . 
 
 And the vastness of it as you look on every side on 
 you impresses you so you feel sunthin as you would 
 
82 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 if you wuz sot down on the Desert of Sara, and 
 Sara wuz turned into vistas of bewilderin beauty towards 
 every pint of her compass. 
 
 There wuz broad, smooth paths leadin out on every 
 side all on em full of folks from every country in the 
 world, and clad in every costoom you ever see or ever didn t 
 see before. Folks in plain American dress side by side 
 with dark complected folks wropped up seemin ly in 
 white sheets, jest their black-bearded faces and flashin 
 eyes gleamin at you from the drapery. Then there 
 would be mebby a pretty young girl with a rose-bud face 
 under a lace parasol. Two sweet-faced nuns in sombry 
 black with their pure white night caps on under their 
 clost black bunnets and veils, and follerin them some 
 fierce lookin creeters in red baggy trousers embroidered 
 jackets and skull caps with long tossels on em; Persians 
 mebby, or Arabs. 
 
 As Josiah looked at these last I hearn him murmur 
 as if to himself, " Why under the sun didn t Samantha 
 put in my dressin gown with tossels, and the smokin 
 cap Thomas J. gin me, I could showed off some 
 then." 
 
 But I pretended not to hear him for my eyes wuz 
 fastened on the passin pageant. Smart lookin bizness 
 men with handsome well-dressed wives and children, then 
 a Injun with striped blanket, beaded moccasins and head- 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 83 
 
 dress of high feathers. Then a American widder, mebby 
 a plain one, and mebby grass; then some more wimmen. 
 Then some Chinamen with long dresses and pig-tails fol- 
 lered by some gawky, awkwud country folks; some more 
 smart-lookin Americans. Some English tourists with 
 field-glasses strapped over one shoulder. Some Fillipinos 
 in yellerish costoom. Then a kodak fiend ready to aim at 
 anything or nothin and hit it ; then some Scotchmen in Tar- 
 ten dress and follerin clost some Japans, lots and lots of 
 them scattered along. Then some brown children and their 
 mothers, the children dressed mostly in a sash and some 
 beads, and some more pretty white children dressed elab 
 orate, and some niggers, and some soldiers, and some 
 more wimmen, and more folks, and some more, and some 
 more, in a stiddy and endless stream. 
 
 Good land! I couldn t sort out and describe them that 
 passed by in an hour even, no more than I could sort out 
 and describe the slate stuns in Jonesville creek, and you 
 well know that wagon loads could be took out of one little 
 spot. 
 
 Josiah said to me, " Why jest to look at this crowd, 
 Samantha, pays anybody for comin here clear from the 
 Antipathies." 
 
 Sez I, " Josiah, you mean the Antipodes." 
 
 " I mean what I say ! " he snapped out, " and les s be 
 movin on, no use standin here all day." 
 
Right in the center sets Saint Louis himself on a prancin horse, holdin up a cross 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 85 
 
 He don t love to be corrected. But truly that immense 
 and strangely assorted crowd constantly comin , con 
 stantly goin and changin all the time wuz a sight well 
 worth comin 7 from Jonesville to see, even if we didn t see 
 a thing more. But, oh, what didn t we see ! what a glori 
 ous sight as our eyes left the crowd and looked round 
 us. Why the wonder and beauty on t fairly struck you in 
 the face some like a flash of lightnin only more meller 
 and happifyin ." 
 
 There you are in the beautiful Court of St. Louis. And 
 right in the centre sets Saint Louis himself on a prancin 
 horse, holdin up a cross, I wuz glad to see that cross held 
 up as if in benediction over all the immense crowd below, 
 it seemed as if it begun the Fair right, jest as it begins 
 the week right to go to meetin Sunday. 
 
 I always sot store by Saint Louis. Leadin them Cru 
 sades of hisen to protect Christians and free the Holy 
 Land from lawless invaders. How much I thought on 
 him for it. Though I could advised him for his good in 
 lots of things if I d been round. 
 
 Now his marryin a girl twelve years old who ort to 
 been in pantalettes and high aprons, I should tried to 
 break it up, I should told him plain and square that I 
 wouldn t have heard for a minute to his marryin our 
 Tirzah Ann at that age. She shouldn t married him if 
 he d been King Louis twenty or thirty instead of nine. 
 
86 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 But I wuzn t there and he went on and had his way, as 
 men will. 
 
 But he acted noble in lots of things, made a wise ruler 
 and a generous one, lived and died like a hero. And I was 
 glad to see him riz up in such a sightly place, holdin up 
 the cross he wuz willin to give his life for. 
 
 He looked first rate, he wore a sort of a helmet and had 
 a cloak on, shaped some like my long circle cape, only it 
 didn t set so good, and I wuz sorry they didn t have my 
 pattern to cut it by. Hisen kinder curled up at the back, 
 they ort to cut it ketterin . Two noble statutes stood on 
 each side on him, kinder guardin him as it were, though 
 he didn t need it as long as he clung to the cross. Scat 
 tered all along by the side of the broad paths wuz little 
 green oasises, on which the splendor-tired and people- 
 tired eyes could rest and recooperate a little. 
 
 In front of you quite a little ways off on each side 
 stood immense snow-white palaces each one on em seem- 
 in more beautiful than the last one you looked at, full 
 of sculptured beauty and with long, long rows of pearl 
 white collumns and ornaments of all kinds. Beyond, 
 but still as it were in the foreground, as it ort to, high up 
 on a lofty pedestal stood the statute of Peace. 
 
 My pardner, who for reasons named, wuz inclined to 
 pick flaws in this glorious Exposition, sez to me: 
 
 "What s the use of sculpin Peace up on so high a 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 87 
 
 monument and showin her off as if she wuz safe and 
 sound, and then histin cannons up right by her throwin 
 balls that will travel twenty milds and then knock her sky 
 high." 
 
 I sithed, but almost onbeknown to myself looked at the 
 Cross, and hoped that that divine light would go ahead 
 through the wilderness of world warfare makin a safe 
 path, so Peace could git down from her high monument 
 bime-by and walk round some through the world with 
 out gittin her head blowed off. 
 
 Smilin and gleamin jest beyond wuz the bright sunny 
 waters on which little boats painted in bright colors with 
 gay awnin s wuz glidin about here and there, and bursts 
 of melodious song come from the gayly attired boatmen 
 anon or oftener. And furder on wuz the Grand Basin, 
 a large beautiful piece of water, and back on t down a 
 green hill seventy feet high leaps and bounds and gurgles 
 and sings three glitterin cascades, each one seemin to 
 start out from a splendid buildin up on the hill. 
 
 The ones on the side smaller, but the middle one a grand 
 and stately palace called Festival Hall, and jinin these 
 three buildin s together are what they call the Collonnade 
 of States. A impressive row of snow-white pillows, and 
 on them pillows, settin up in the place of honor, are big 
 statutes of female wimmen, fourteen in number, symbolic 
 of the original States of the Louisiana Purchase. 
 
88 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 I wanted to go right up to Festival Hall the first minute, 
 it didn t seem fur it wuz through such seens of bewilderin 
 beauty, but a bystander standin by said it wuz half a mild. 
 
 But Josiah kinder nudged me and said, " Mebby we d 
 better take the Immoral Railway. With you by my side, 
 Samantha, I feel I can face its dangers." 
 
 Sez I, "Where has your principle gone that you had 
 this mornin , Josiah? " 
 
 " I have got it, Samantha, jest the same ; I hain t used 
 none this time o day. But I thought I would kinder love 
 to tell the brethren I d rid on it." And before I could 
 parley with him he asked that same bystander, a good 
 lookin iron gray man, 
 
 "Where is the Immoral Railway?" 
 
 " The Intre Moral Railway starts there," sez he, pintin 
 to a place quite nigh to us. 
 
 " Intre Moral," sez I to myself; " that is a good name." 
 And as we wended our way to it through the crowds of 
 folks of every name and nation I sez to myself, " I d love 
 to ride on it." For havin naterally so scientific and deep 
 a mind I love to trace back words like little rivulets, to 
 their source, and see where they spring from. For mean 
 dering through the ages they gather lots of foreign stuff 
 and take queer turns. 
 
 Intre Moral, I took it that that meant extra moral. I 
 liked the sound on t, and we got on and rode quite a spell, 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 89 
 
 and see everything we could, and when we went clear 
 round on that, we got onto a big ortomobile and rid round 
 on that so s we could see the hull Fair as it were in one 
 picture, before we 
 examined its glo 
 ries more min 
 utely one by one. 
 
 And I should 
 have took sights 
 of comfort view- 
 in the magnifi 
 cent seens spread 
 out and growin 
 and changin 
 every minute if I 
 hadn t had to kep 
 one eye onto Jo- 
 siah Allen all the 
 time, or as you 
 may say two eyes, 
 one my own gray 
 orb and the other 
 the eye of my specs. The seen wuz so hugely grand, so 
 magnificently stupendous, and the mind that it wuz my 
 duty as first chaperone to guard wuz so small I sez to my 
 self, could it be bombarded by that immense grandeur and 
 
90 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 not utterly collapse. But Blandina wuz on the other side 
 on him, so I didn t feel as I should had the responsibility 
 devolved on me alone. 
 
 But he bore it well. He looked off on the seen grander 
 than anything Fairy Land ever dremp on or ever will, I 
 believe. And then he looked pensively at my silk bag 
 where I d stored all the cookies and nut-cakes it would 
 hold, to keep up his strength between meals. 
 
 And so gradually I dropped my agonizing anxiety and 
 let my eyes drink in the onequalled beauty of the seen as 
 we went by the tall glorious palaces towerin up in white 
 magnificence.. Past sparklin water spaces filled with gay 
 pleasure craft full of happy white-robed voyagers. Past 
 the spans of arched bridges leadin from one seen of glory 
 to another, past tall white shafts carryin up to the listenin 
 Heavens deeds of glory and valor. 
 
 Past white statutes more beautiful than poet s dreams, 
 risin up from green velvet lawns or marble terraces. 
 Broad highways would dawn on our vision, anon vistas 
 of incomparable beauty way off, way off as fur as we 
 could see would open up other views jest as fair. Anon 
 the columned walls of some nearby palace would seem 
 to close in the view, and then agin the fur vision, and anon 
 the blue waters flowin on and on. And scattered all over 
 the ground roamed the happy people, men, wimmen and 
 children of every name and nation, clothed in every garb 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 91 
 
 that folks ever wore under the sun, and some, it seemed to 
 me, made up jest for that occasion, as Eve started her new 
 fashion of fall dress, only this wuzn t made of leaves, no 
 indeed ! fur from it. 
 
 But I believe the foreign costoom we see most of all wuz 
 the Japan. And all through the Fair that nation seemed 
 to show off in the very first rank. Well, I wnz willing I 
 always kinder liked em, they re so polite and courteous 
 to everybody, and as for makin storks and folks settin 
 on nothin and lookin perfectly comfortable settin on it, 
 they go fur ahead of anybody else, and they have lots of 
 other noble qualities. In cleanin house time, now I have 
 fairly begreched the ease and comfort of them Japanese 
 housewives who jest take up their mat and sweep out, 
 move their paper walls a little mebby and there it is done. 
 
 No heavy, dirt-laden carpets to clean, no papered walls 
 and ceilings to break their back over, no trumpery brickaty 
 brack to take care of and dust and make life a burden. 
 Kind hearted, reverent to equals and superiors trained 
 to kindness and courtesy and reverence in childhood when 
 American mothers are ruled and badgered by short 
 skirted and roundabout clad tyrants. 
 
 I set store by the Japans and am glad to hear how fast 
 they re pressin forwards in every path civilization has 
 opened ; science, art and the best education. And wuz glad 
 to see so many of em here. They could give Uncle Sam 
 
92 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 a good many lessons if he wuz willin to take em. But 
 good as he is he is a heady old creeter, and won t be driv 
 into anything and has a powerful good opinion of himself. 
 
 But to resoom forwards. After we d gone the complete 
 round of the Intre Moral Railway and ortemobile we got 
 out agin on the Plaza not fur from where we embarked, 
 and at my request we took a boat. Josiah chose one of 
 the handsomest ones with the front end kinder bowin up 
 and a bright-colored awnin over it; they called it a 
 gondola. 
 
 The gondolier had bold flashin black eyes and a gay 
 suit that struck Josiah s fancy, and I knowed by his looks 
 he wuz meditatin on what Might Have Been. I felt that 
 he wuz in fancy rowin a boat up our creek in a red coat 
 and green hat with yeller feathers mebby, carryin sister 
 Submit Tewksbury or sister Gowdey, sailin towards his 
 own Exposition of St. Josiah. There wuz a sad pensive 
 look on his liniment that belonged to ruined hopes and 
 blighted emotions. 
 
 Blandina whispered to me she thought the gondolier a 
 image of beauty and wondered if he had a companion ; she 
 said she believed he would be devoted to a wife if he had 
 one that looked up to him. 
 
 I answered her like one talkin onbeknown to herself, 
 two of my eyes and my spectacles furtively watchin the 
 liniment of my beloved pardner, and my speritual eyes 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 93 
 
 feastin on the perfect loveliness of the seen. Broad smooth 
 waters how beautiful they were, dotted with craft similar 
 to ourn and freighted with happy voyagers dartin here 
 and there, and some of the boats wuz the queerest shapes, 
 one on em looked jest exactly like a big white swan, and 
 there wuz one, if you ll believe it, that looked like a sea 
 serpent, I wouldn t have rid in it for a dollar bill, though 
 Josiah said he d love to tell Deacon Henzy that he d strad 
 dled the old sea serpent and rid to shore on it. 
 
 But I sez, " Good land, Josiah, you don t ride on the 
 outside on it, there is a place fixed inside somewhere for 
 passengers." 
 
 But most of the boats wuz handsome. Anon the water 
 lay smooth and fair about us, and fur off we could see 
 immense fountains risin right up out of the glassy sur 
 face, sprayin up and glitterin down floods of rainbow 
 glory. 
 
 Agin we landed on terry firmy I a feelin as if we 
 wuz roamin through Fancy s fields, for it seemed as if cold 
 Reality never could have planned anything approachin 
 what wuz all round us. For as you draw nigh the glitter 
 ing Cascades you fairly stop bewildered by the beauty, 
 and most want to shet your eyes on it, not knowin what 
 path to choose where all are so bagonin full of al 
 lurements and the hull world seemin to be allured there 
 by em. On one side the glory of the waters dashing, 
 
: The water lay smooth and fair about us, and fur off we could see immense fountains risin 
 right up out of the glassy surface " 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 95 
 
 sparkling, bounding along down, with fountains sprayin 
 up every little while, and white statutes smilin down on 
 us nigher by. On the other side green verdure and beyond 
 and on every side the glory of the water, and above us 
 the most magnificent buildin in the world flanked on each 
 side with the long Colonnade of States. 
 
 And speakin of statutes, jest think of the sculptured 
 groups we passed by that eventful day, more n I could 
 describe in a month of Sundays. Louis and Clark, the 
 very men I d read about in Gasses Journal, how I wished 
 their eyes could see and their ears hear me. How inter 
 ested and proud they would have been to hear me tell how 
 even as a child I loved to hear mother Smith read about 
 their journeyin s into the new and onexplored country, 
 findin swamps and stumps and savages, where now wuz 
 smilin gardens and palaces. Then there was Robert Liv 
 ingstone, and Franklin, noble high souled old creeter, I 
 always loved him in a meetin house sense, drawin down 
 lightnin and so forth he wuz the very Pa of electricity 
 as you may say. 
 
 And James Monroe, and Boone, and Settin Bull, yes 
 there wuz Settin Bull settin or ruther standin right in 
 that great company. And all on em mute and onafraid, 
 onmindful of the presence of a Samantha and Josiah, 
 I felt to pity em. 
 
 But the noblest meanin statute of all in my eyes wuz 
 
96 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 right in front of the main Cascade. There stood a im 
 mense statute of Liberty, raisin the veil of Ignorance and 
 protectin Truth and Justice. Ignorance don t want her 
 eyes oncovered, she d drather keep on blind as a bat. But 
 Liberty hain t goin to mind her, she wuz bound to git the 
 bandages off ; I wanted to encourage her in it and I waved 
 my hand towards her and smiled in lovin greetin . Josiah 
 thought I wuz flirtin , and asked me anxiously if I d got 
 sight of any man from Jonesville. I wouldn t dain to reply 
 to him at my age ! and with my reputation to carry round ! 
 The idee ! 
 
 Well, when we stood on the stun balcony over the spot 
 where the central cascade gushes out, what a seen lay 
 spread out before us. You can look off two milds one 
 way and most a mild another. And wuz there ever in the 
 world milds so crowded full of beauty and each beauty 
 differin from the other as one star differs from another in 
 glory. Eight magnificent palaces are in full sight, their 
 walls bathed by the blue waters, and beyond em, inter 
 spersed by green foliage, wuz a perfect wilderness of 
 towers, minarets, domes, banners, battlements. 
 
 I hain t goin to describe what I looked down on, for I 
 can t. No, if I had a big book of synonyms to the words 
 Grand and Glorious and used every one on em tryin to 
 describe that seen I couldn t begin to do justice to it, and 
 so what is the use of tryin with the Jonesville vocabulary. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 97 
 
 And if I can t describe it, don t for pity sake ask Josiah 
 Allen to, for you might know that if I couldn t he wouldn t 
 stand no chance. But I hearn him gin a sort of gaspin 
 sithe as he looked, and Blandina I believe forgot for a 
 few minutes her passionate though chaste, overrulin 
 passion. 
 
 As magnificent as the hull of St. Louis Exposition is, 
 it naterally has one spot handsomer than the rest, a par 
 ticular beauty spot as you may say. Why every house 
 has it. The beauty of my parlor kinder branches out, as 
 you may say, from my new rep rocker, a lovely work of 
 art that cost over six dollars. I keep it in the sightliest 
 place, where the eye of man can fall on it at first. And 
 the central beauty spot of the Fair wuz centered in the 
 place I have been talkin about. 
 
 I d hearn that it wuz some the shape of a fan and we had 
 talked it over between us, whether it would look like my best 
 paper fan I carry to meetin Sundays, or my big turkey 
 feather fan. But, good land! they dwindled down so in 
 my mind while I stood there that I might be said to never 
 have sot my eyes on a turkey s feather, or a turkey or 
 anything. It is a spectacle that once seen is never forgot. 
 
 The central spot, or handle of the fan (in allegory), is 
 occupied by Festival Hall and on either side stretches out 
 the beautiful Collonnade of States with its lovely and 
 heroic female wimmen settin up there as if sort o takin 
 
08 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 care of the hull concern. I spoke to Blandina about it, 
 how pleased I wuz to see my sect settin up so high in the 
 place of honor, and she sez : 
 
 " Oh, Aunt Samantha, I cannot rejoice with you, it 
 rasps my very soul to see men slighted ! What would the 
 world do without men! " 
 
 " Well," sez I, wantin to please her, " men do come 
 handy lots of times. But," sez I reasonably, " the world 
 wouldn t last long if it wuzn t for wimmen." But to 
 resoom. 
 
 At each end of the Collonnade,peakin up a little higher, 
 is a sort of a round shaped buildin , beautiful in struc 
 ture, where food can be obtained. And knowin the effect 
 on men of good food I knowed this wuz a sensible idea, 
 for no matter how festivious a man may be, and probably 
 is in Festival Hall, yet his appetite stretches out on both 
 sides on him jest as it wuz depicted here. And female 
 wimmen stand between him and starvation most of the 
 time. I considered the hull thing highly symbolical and 
 loved to see it. 
 
 But jest think of a magnificent picture containin all that 
 is most beautiful in land and water, extendin in a grace 
 ful, curvin way three thousand feet. Why that s as fur 
 as from our house over the Ebenezer Bobbettses, and I d no 
 but furder, and every foot and inch of it perfectly beauti 
 ful. How much land do you spoze is took up by this 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 99 
 
 central spot of beauty! Now if I should ask sister Sylvester 
 Gowdey, who always thinks she knows everything worth 
 knowing if I should say, " How much land do you spoze, 
 sister Gowdey, is took up by jest this central beauty spot 
 of the Fair?" I ll bet she d say, " Mebby half an acre." 
 
 But I d say, " Melissy, it occupies six hundred acres." 
 
 I d no as sister Gowdey would believe me, but it s so, 
 the livin truth. Why, the three Cascades are three hun 
 dred feet long. Beautiful in the daytime as a dream 
 of Paradise! fancy it in the evening when thousands 
 and thousands of colored lights lend their glowin 
 charm to the seen. Why you almost cover your eyes 
 from the bewilderin glory on t. And as I said to Josiah, 
 " W^e shall never see another seen so beautiful till we see 
 Jerusalem the Golden descend before our rapt vision." 
 And he bein kinder f raxious, sez : 
 
 " I hain t seen that yet, nor you nuther." 
 
 " By the eye of Faith I have, Josiah." 
 
 " Well, tain t no time or place for preachin , we better 
 be gittin along ! " 
 
 Right under the main Cascade we went down into a 
 beautiful grotto all lighted up, with one hull side of the 
 room made of fallin water. I never expected to step into 
 such a place. I have felt perfectly satisfied when I ve 
 papered over my dining-room with paper a shillin a roll, 
 and it did look well. But what wuz it to this? Refresh- 
 
100 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 ments are served down there clost to the sparklin liquid 
 side of the room, and Josiah wantin to go the hull figure, 
 set down and eat a nut-cake which I gin him. 
 
 They say stimulants can be obtained down here. And 
 mebby they can, them that seek can generally find, there 
 wuz a serpent in Paradise; but I didn t see any, I spoze 
 the noble look on my face would dant any dealer in such 
 pizen from displayin it to me. And it ain t likely that 
 Josiah with two chaperones would set eyes on any. 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 
 HE two side cascades represent the Atlantic 
 and Pacific Oceans. Josiah sez in a kinder 
 patronizing way, " They re likely Cas 
 cades, but I can t see in what way they rep 
 resent oceans." 
 
 And I sez, " It hain t for you to know everything, Jo 
 siah, you hain t expected to. Such knowledge would be 
 more than you with your small frame could stand up 
 under. 
 
 " Oh, keep throwin my size in my face. It s a pity I 
 hain t a giraffe, then mebby I d suit you. And he added 
 snappishly, " I ll bet you can t tell yourself how they 
 look like oceans." 
 
 And I sez, i l I wuz never any hand to tell all I knew, I 
 always thought it wuz best to keep one story back." 
 
 But to tell the truth I couldn t see how they represented 
 oceans, only they wuz both water, but so is a teacupful of 
 water, or a spunful. Another way they differed from the 
 ocean, the water hain t there all the time, only once in 
 awhile. Josiah, bent on findin fault, sez: 
 
102 Samuntha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " Pretty oceans they be! Dry land most all the 
 time." 
 
 But I sez, " IVe always wished the Atlantic would 
 dry up long enough for me to go over afoot or with the 
 old mair, like the Israelites over the Red Sea, I d start 
 to-morry." I m afraid of deep water. Why half the 
 time I m afraid of our creek and dassent go acrost the 
 foot bridge. 
 
 But the water wuz there when we see em, and the 
 Cascades wuz beautiful as a dream and more beautiful 
 than lots of mine, specially when I m tired out. 
 
 As to representin the two oceans, I spoze it means them 
 beautiful golden tinted statutes, the Spirit of the Atlantic 
 and the Spirit of the Pacific that stands at the head of 
 the Cascades. 
 
 Well, we hung round there a long time, and finally at 
 my request we went into Festival Hall and sot down a 
 spell and rested. And I thought as I sot there I d like to 
 ask Sister Gowdey how big she thought this buildin wuz. 
 She would never dream it covered two hull acres, but it 
 duz, three or four thousand people can set in it, and its 
 organ is the biggest in the world, more than ten thousand 
 pipes in it and each pipe as full of music as an egg is of 
 meat. 
 
 The two pipes havin the lowest notes a small horse can 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 103 
 
 walk through or two good-sized men standin side by side. 
 So you can imagine the streams of melody that can float 
 through them immense channels. It has one hundred and 
 forty stops, every one on em that will stop if told to 
 quick as a wink. 
 
 It took a train of ten cars to bring it from Los Angelus 
 where it wuz made. You can imagine how its music fairly 
 shakes the ground and carries you off your feet, seemin ly 
 like the very music of the spears. 
 
 Good land! what s Tirzah Ann s organ compared to it? 
 And I thought that wuz as good as any they make, the 
 agent said it wuz ; we paid over sixty dollars for it. 
 
 And who do you think dedicated this most beautiful 
 structure that wuz ever built, to the music of the biggest 
 organ in the world! Why, it wuz woman, my own female 
 sect. I tell you it made me proud to think on t. It wuz 
 told me by one that wuz there that it wuz filled with 
 wimmen on that occasion, and as many men as could git 
 in after the wimmen wuz seated. 
 
 Jest think on t, oh, my sect! who have been used to 
 sneakin up back stairs to look down on men seated in 
 state at banquet tables, or peak from the gallery at the 
 Capitol to see em nobly engaged in makin laws to govern 
 her, tellin her how to spend the money she earned herself, 
 and how long to send her to jail, and where and when to 
 hang her, and etcetery; while she could only jest peak at 
 
104 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 em. Oh, my soul! wuzn t it a agreeable state of affairs 
 the doin s here at Festival Hall! As I said to Josiah as 
 we sot there, " Don t it show my sect is lookin up? " 
 
 And he said he never found wimmen backward in look- 
 in up, he said he never see a place that would dant em 
 and stop their tongues from waggin . He made light of 
 the great incident and would been glad to had men dedi 
 cate it ; indeed he jest the same as told me he felt the Ex 
 position had stood in its own light in not havin a certain 
 leadin man in Jonesville, who wuz way up in political 
 and moral life, havin held the offices of path-master and 
 deacon. " But," sez he, with some bitterness of sperit and 
 speakin skornfully: 
 
 "What if wimmen did dedicate it! They can git up 
 dressed in their silks and shiffoniers, and talk, talk, but 
 they can t vote no matter how well off they be. They ve 
 got to pony up and pay taxes and toe the mark in law jest 
 as men tell em to." 
 
 " Why," sez he, warmin with his subject, " we men can 
 set on you in juries and you can t help yourselves, and 
 hang you and so forth. And you W. C. T. U. wimmen 
 would have to let your tax money go to pay for drinkin 
 shacks if we men of Jonesville, and the world, took it into 
 our heads to make you. Why," sez he, lookin more and 
 more big feelin as he went on, as why shouldn t he, as 
 he recounted men s glorious advantages, 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 105 
 
 " Nate Flanders, who is most a fool, can vote and make 
 you knuckle down and do as he tells you to. And don t 
 you remember that time the lection run so clost they got 
 up old bed-ridden Nate Haskins, whose brain had been 
 softenin for years, and his wife had to dress him and git 
 him ready for the pole, he callin on his wife, Nancy, to 
 put on every identical garment and tell where it went, and 
 when they got him to the pole he wouldn t vote because 
 Nance wuzn t there to tell him which ticket to vote. She d 
 jest kep that voter alive for years, and been head and 
 hands for him, but she couldn t vote and he could. 
 
 Everybody has seen bosses run off the track when they 
 wuz goin too fast; Josiah wuz so engaged in runnin 
 wimmen s pride down, he didn t realize where he wuz gal- 
 lopin to. " And there wuz Jane Ellis who lost her hus 
 band and two boys through drinkin , she had to let her 
 tax money be used to help nominate a license man, who 
 opened a liquor saloon right under her nose, and the last 
 boy she had took to drinkin and killed himself last week 
 drunk as a fool." 
 
 " I d be ashamed to boast of that, Josiah Allen, I d be 
 ashamed on t." 
 
 " Well," sez he, lookin kinder meachin , " I didn t say 
 I approved of that, I only said it to prove how weak and 
 triflin a thing woman really is in the eyes of the law." 
 And the rubber-like self-esteem of a male, havin sprung 
 back in full force, he went on : 
 
106 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " Why, Miss Corkins, up to Zoar, that pays bigger taxes 
 than any man in town, earnt it all herself too in the mil- 
 lionary bizness, why, that snub-nosed nigger that drives 
 for her can vote, and she can t. And then I d talk about 
 dedicatin the biggest buildin in the world, singin hims 
 on the biggest organ and lettin a few men into the back 
 door I wouldn t feel so big about it if I wuz you. 
 
 " Why, we men jest throw such little compliments in 
 the way of females to keep you contented, jest as I throw 
 crumbs from the table to Bruno to home and pat him on 
 the back. He knows he can t come to the table. W^e men 
 jest hang onto the ballot; wimmen hain t goin to git holt 
 of that in a hurry and boss us round, no indeed! 
 
 Oh, how obstrepolous and important he did talk and act ! 
 And Blandina lookin up so admirin at him and agreein 
 to every word he said, jest for all the world like an anty, 
 seemed to rile me worse than anything else. But as long 
 as I couldn t dispute a word he said, knowin it wuz as 
 true as gospel, I kep demute, and hoped he would take it 
 for a dignified silence that wouldn t dain to argy. 
 
 Well, we had our lunch in a box and a bottle of cold tea, 
 and we eat it, and rested quite a spell, Josiah s good nater 
 returnin with every mouthful he took, till by the time we 
 got ready to start out agin, he wuz as clever a critter as 
 I want to see. 
 
 I wanted to tackle the Palace of Arts next, as it wuz quite 
 
Josiah s good nater returnin with every mouthful he took. 
 
 Page 1 06. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 107 
 
 nigh by considerin . The Fair grounds are so immense 
 that you have to travel quite a distance to git anywhere. 
 But Josiah said he wanted to see sunthin that wuz of 
 practical use, ondervaluin beauty, the great Power, as 
 some do. He wanted to see sunthin solid, such as mines 
 and metals. And of course Blandina jined in with him, 
 and though that is what I wanted of her, as second chape- 
 rone, it provoked me time and agin; queer, hain t it?" 
 
 So as that too wuz quite nigh by, we went to the Palace 
 of Mines and Metals. It wuz a beautiful building the 
 walls covered with ornamental carvin and ornaments, and 
 two tall pillars standin up each side of the entrance as if 
 they wuz two Genis jealously guardin the Under World 
 from intrusion. But we got by em. And what didn t 
 we see there? Everything that wuz ever dug out of the 
 earth, and the way it wuz discovered, mined and made 
 useful to man. 
 
 Gems, precious stuns, granite, marble and all the pro 
 cesses for cutting and polishing. Minerals of all kinds, 
 natural mineral paints and fertilizers, cement, luminants 
 and waters. Asbestos, mica, coal, coal oil and all the 
 machinery for refining and storing it. Displays for natu 
 ral gas, petroleum ; everything relating to lighting mines ; 
 safety lamps ; oils ; electricity ; acetyline. Most interestin 
 display in geology ; all kinds of rocks ; crystal ; clay ; ores ; 
 nickel and all the metals for making iron and steel and 
 
108 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 makin em right there before you. Explosives used in 
 the Under World. Everything relating to the workin 
 of salt mines; oil wells; metals, photographs; maps, il 
 lustrating how these riches of the earth wuz deposited, 
 and all the machinery for collecting and making them 
 useful to man. 
 
 And there wuz a place where we could see a miner s 
 cabin, and miners at work, blasting, draining, driving 
 tunnels, drilling, traveling underground. A gold mill; a 
 New Mexican turquoise mine; a lead, zinc and copper 
 mine, all working there before us; and a coal mine dis 
 covered there on the Exposition grounds, an underground 
 railway connected these two mines. And all sorts of 
 mineral waters, queer things they be flowin side by side 
 out of the same ground as different as water and wine. 
 And there wuz a foundry and mint for makin money. 
 
 Imagine a buildin coverin nine acres full of such in- 
 terestin sights, and thirteen acres out-doors. For you 
 must remember that it wuz not only the riches of Amer 
 ica s Under World, but the wealth of England, France, 
 Germany, Sweden, Italy, Japan and in fact every foreign 
 nation. Josiah reveled in it, and so did Blandina vicari 
 ously. And I enjoyed it too, for I always wuz wonderin 
 what wuz goin on under my feet, and now I had a glimpse 
 on t. 
 
 Well, we stayed there a long time and went from there 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 109 
 
 into Manufactures Buildin , when who should we meet but 
 Uncle Giles Petigrew, a M. E. deacon who used to live in 
 Zoar but who had moved to St. Louis some years before. 
 We used to know him well. He wuz a old man when he 
 left Zoar, and had lost four wives a runnin before he left 
 there, and of course I didn t know how many he d lost 
 since he come West, I see he wore a mournin weed, and 
 mistrusted he d lost another, and so it turned out. It 
 beats all what bad luck he has had. He wuzn t to blame 
 for any one on em, tennyrate them that passed away at 
 Zoar, and I spozed it wuz jest the same here. Never 
 pizened any of em, or divorced em or anything, it wuz 
 jest his bad luck. 
 
 He seemed real glad to see us and wuz dretful chipper 
 for a man most a hundred ; he got hold of my hand and 
 shook it as if he never would leggo, and went right on 
 confidin in me about his lost companion, what a treasure 
 she wuz, and what a loss. 
 
 And I sez, " Your wives wuz real nice wimmen, most 
 all on em wuz, or them that I knowed. 
 
 " Oh, yes," sez he, " and these blows that has fell on 
 me has most onmanned me." 
 
 And I sez in pityin axents, " You won t try to git an 
 other wife, will you, Uncle Giles? " 
 
 Yes, I shall, as long as the Lord keeps a takin , I 
 shall is that woman with Josiah a widder? " 
 
110 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 I answered evasive, and kinder stepped in between him 
 and Blandina, I didn t want her to hear what he wuz 
 sayin , I dassent. It wouldn t been best for her to mar 
 ried a man most a hundred. And I knowed her soft nater 
 made her a willin martyr to widower s wiles. Age made 
 no difference to Blandina. And I dassent venter to let him 
 git nearer to her. So I bid him a hasty good-by and 
 linked my arm into hern and led her away. She lookin 
 back and sayin , "How agreeable and willin a lookin 
 man that wuz," and I hurried her on fast to Manufac 
 tures Buildin stoppin by the way to see the beautiful 
 Sunken Garden. 
 
 The display in Manufactures is so large that they fill 
 two immense palaces, Manufacturers and Varied Indus 
 tries, and you d git lost you couldn t help it, amongst the 
 bewilderin and endless native and foreign displays, only 
 the aisles are divided off into streets and squares, all the 
 same width, so you can git round first-rate. And if you 
 had ten or fifteen years you could spend here you might 
 possibly see most of the displays of your own native land 
 and all the foreign countries. These two palaces cover 
 twenty-eight acres, as big as Luman Gowdey s farm that 
 he gits a good livin on, and the hull twenty-eight acres 
 are full of interestin sights. You can walk nine miles in 
 it right ahead as fur as from Jonesville way up to Zoar, 
 and back agin. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 111 
 
 And jest think of every single thing that wuz ever manu 
 factured from a hatpin to a rose-wood bedstead, and from 
 a needle to a piano, and there it wuz in plain sight if you 
 could git to it, for truly you got bewildered amongst the 
 endless displays. Furniture, upholstery, all sorts of cloth, 
 silk, wool and cotton that wuz ever woven, all kinds of 
 silver and gold, and pearl and jet and shell and ivory 
 articles that wuz ever used, clocks, watches, jewels, em 
 broideries, laces, carpets, curtains, wall paper, stationery, 
 hardware, glass and crystal, furs, bronze, ironware, leather 
 goods, stained glass, artists supplies, tailor shop, rubber 
 store, toy store. 
 
 But good land! what is the use of tryin to name em 
 over? I couldn t do it if I had a blank book as big as a 
 dictionary and writ it full. But you can jest think of 
 everything manufactured you ever see, or ever didn t see 
 and there it wuz, and more and more and more, and I 
 might fill pages with " mores," but what use would it be. 
 
 But one of the best things we see at the hull Fair wuz 
 there in the Palace of Varied Industries. For to the think- 
 in mind, the countless display of articles, the marvels and 
 magnificence of this Exposition is not its main value, but 
 its educational worth, its power to inspire and teach the 
 people of the world better ways of living and working, 
 how to make the most and best of life for themselves and 
 others. And among the educational exhibits one of the 
 
112 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 most interestin to my mind is the one I speak on in the 
 Varied Industries Palace. 
 
 The company that displays this has other interestin ex 
 hibits at different places at the Exposition, but here they 
 have a display that I wish the head of every big con 
 cern that employs labor could see and study and take 
 to heart. This company employs thousands of men and 
 wimmen in makin a machine that wonderfully simplifies 
 labor. 
 
 But where the real educational value comes in hain t in 
 the machine itself, or the makin on t, though that s in- 
 terestin , but the way this company treats its employees. 
 
 You sit in a neat little theatre, fitted up with easy seats, 
 and electric fans and every comfort, and right in front of 
 you, throwed onto a big screen, are pictures from real life 
 showin Capital and Labor dwellin together like a lion and 
 a lamb, and the child Justice leadin em. 
 
 Here you see and hear in the interestin talk of the 
 lecturer pictures from the old time, when the company 
 first begun its work up to the gigantic plant and immense 
 buildings of to-day. You see a woman tryin to warm 
 some coffee over a radiator, they say the president of the 
 company see that, and it first made him think of furnishin 
 a lunch room with a kitchen and every convenience for his 
 employees. 
 
 You see pictures of the women employees goin to their 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 113 
 
 work a half hour later than the men, so the cars won t be 
 so crowded. You see em at their recreation time of fifteen 
 minutes, at ten in the forenoon and three in the afternoon, 
 goin through their physical exercises, or some other rec 
 reation to brighten em up for the rest of the day. 
 
 Then you see em at their clubs and classes, or playing 
 tennis or baseball, or in the big auditorium built for their 
 use, listenin to some great orator or fine musician. These 
 employees are not drudges, but joy is labor and labor is 
 joy. 
 
 Then there is a picture showing a street of the homes of 
 these employees, pretty houses with windows and door 
 ways covered with vines and bright blossoms, makin a 
 picture of what some say is the most beautiful street in the 
 world. 
 
 And there are pictures of noted people who have been 
 there to study and learn their methods, folks from foreign 
 countries, who will carry the blessed and beautiful example 
 seen here to other lands. In one view is a Prince and 
 Princess who went there to learn their ways, lookin admir- 
 in ly on. In another is a Cardinal givin his benediction to 
 thousands of the happy workers. 
 
 It is a sermon better than is often preached, what you 
 see there in that little theatre. It is Love and Labor and 
 Beauty and Joy walkin hand in hand. I wuz highly tickled 
 with it, and spent a glad hour here. 
 
114 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 But Josiah and I thought we d seen enough for one day, 
 and would go home. But Blandina wanted to look over 
 the articles of men s wearin apparell a little more ; I don t 
 see what comfort they wuz to her but she said, " They 
 brought back memories." And I spoze they did make her 
 think of Teeter and mebby his possible successor. But 
 one thing, I believe, that made her want to stay, we met 
 Billy Huff jest as we wuz comin out of the buildin , and 
 Blandina proposed that she should stay a little longer with 
 him and I gin a willin consent, more willin it seemed to me 
 than Billy wuz, though he couldn t refuse to escort home a 
 guest of the house. 
 
 But Josiah and I went home and both on us used some 
 anarky on our tired limbs, and he cleaned the mud offen 
 our shoes, for truly it wuz faithful and stuck by us. 
 
 It had rained the night before and that made it dretful 
 muddy, Josiah acted real grouty about it and sot there 
 mutterin and complainin about the mud till I got kinder 
 wore out and sez: 
 
 " For mercy sake ! I guess you ve seen mud before, 
 Josiah Allen. Think of our Jonesville streets after a heavy 
 
 rain." 
 
 " Well, they never wuz so muddy that I lost the old 
 mair in em, and a man told me to-day that they lost a 
 elephant here the other day, it went right down in the mud 
 out of sight, and they never see hide or hair of him agin." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 115 
 
 " Don t you believe that, Josiah Allen ; it hain t no such 
 thing, I hearn all about it, the elephant didn t go clear in. 
 He didn t go more than half in, they could see his back all 
 the time and they got him out all right." 
 
 " Well, that s furder in the mud than the old mair ever 
 went enough sight, and I never could have faced my coun 
 try agin, if the streets had been so muddy at my Expo 
 sition." 
 
 " Don t be pickin flaws all the time, Josiah. There is 
 enough of beauty and grandeur here to satisfy any com 
 mon man." 
 
 " But I hain t a common man, Samantha, and never wuz 
 called so." 
 
 " Well, oncommon then, there is enough beauty here to 
 satisfy an oncommon man." 
 
 That seemed to molify him, and he gin in that it wuz a 
 pretty good show. But in many things inferior to what 
 hisen would have been if he d carried it out. But I dis 
 couraged all such morbid idees and led his mind off onto 
 sunthin else. 
 
 That evenin whilst Josiah went out to mail a letter 
 Blandina come into my room and sez the first thing, 
 " Aunt Samantha, I love him passionately but my love is 
 scorned by him." 
 
 And she busted into tears. I didn t ask no questions, 
 but from Billy s icy demeanor at supper table and Blan- 
 
116 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 dina s sentimental grief-stricken linement I mistrusted 
 she d made overtoors to him that had been rejected. 
 
 But I tried to turn her mind round by showin her a 
 letter I d jest got from Maggie, my son, Thomas Jeffer 
 son s wife, tellin me that her sister Molly, who had been 
 visitin a college friend in the South, had come home much 
 sooner than she had been expected and seemed run down 
 and most sick. 
 
 But she wuz bound to go to the Fair and they thought it 
 wouldn t hurt her to go, as there didn t seem to be any 
 thing serious the matter with her only she seemed melan 
 choly and out of sperits, it seemed to be her mind that 
 wuz ailin more than her body. And would I if there wuz 
 room in my boardin place take her in and mother her a 
 little. Maggie couldn t come herself, she wuzn t feelin 
 strong enough, and Thomas J. won t leave her, specially 
 if anything ails her, no indeed! he jest worships her, and 
 visey versey she him. 
 
 I can t deny my first thought on readin the letter wuz, 
 another straw to be laid on the back of the camel, meanin 
 myself in metafor. But my second thought wuz I should 
 be glad to have her come, for she is a lovely girl and I set 
 store by her. She s been away to school and college for 
 years, but I had often seen her durin her vacations at 
 Thomas Jefferson s. 
 
 Maggie had showed her letters to me that she had writ 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 117 
 
 whilst she wuz away South on this visit to her friend. One 
 young man s name run through em like the theme to a 
 great melody, and then all to once stopped, and though 
 Maggie and I hadn t passed a word on the subject I mis 
 trusted more than Maggie mistrusted I did about the cause 
 of Molly bein so deprested. 
 
 Young folks will be young folks ! young blood can t run 
 slow and stiddy, and how young hearts can ache, ache. 
 The tide that youth sails out on is a restless one, it has its 
 passionate tides, lit by glowing sunshine, and anon by the 
 glare of the tempest. It flows ever and anon smooth, and 
 then agin rough rocks of disappointment checks its swift 
 glad flow, and what it calls despair, but which dwindles 
 down into nothin more than regret time and agin. It has 
 its low tides, full of the sobbin of waters that are flowin 
 back to the depths, and everything seems lost and gone. 
 But anon the tide flows back again and so it goes on, storm 
 and dull calm, sunshine and tempest, and they don t know 
 which is the hardest to endure. That s why youth is so 
 beautiful, so glorious, so tragic. 
 
 How I wished I could take Molly (for I loved her) 
 and lift her clear over the breakers into the calm of the 
 deeper, smoother waters that the home going boat finds 
 when it is nearing the nightfall. The calm waters lit by a 
 light, soft and stiddy but sort o sad like, not like the 
 dancin sunlight of the mornin , oh no! when the tired 
 
118 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 mariner looks back over the voyage and gits ready to cast 
 anchor in the Home Haven. 
 
 But I knowed I wuz onreasonable to even wish it, for 
 grim old Experience must stand at the helium every time in 
 everybody s life, and folks hadn t ort to expect dyin grace 
 to live by; Molly had got to weather the storm of life 
 whether or no and I couldn t help it. But to stop eppisod- 
 in and resoom. 
 
 I made a practice of writin down mornings before I 
 started for the Fair the places I wanted to see that day 
 if the rest of the party consented, and I writ down that 
 mornin Liberal Arts, Fisheries, Educational Buildin , 
 Electricity, Machinery, Transportation, Horticultural and 
 Agricultural Buildin s and etcetery. 
 
 Josiah wanted to know what etcetery meant, and I told 
 him any other place we wanted to see which he said wuz 
 reasonable, and he thought probable he should have to go 
 to some shows on the Pike, he said he had met Uncle Sime 
 Bentley the day before and they talked it over and de 
 cided that it seemed to be their duty as solid stiddy men 
 to go to some of the worst shows, specially them that had 
 pretty girls in em, so they could be convinced of their in 
 iquity and warn the young Jonesvillians. He said they 
 would take their advice as quick agin if they could warn 
 em from experience. 
 
 " But Josiah," sez I, " I wouldn t take such a distaste- 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 119 
 
 ful, hateful job onto me, it hain t your duty to make such 
 a martyr of yourself, specially as you hain t well." 
 
 But Josiah said he d always said " He wouldn t put his 
 hand to the plow and look back," and he and Uncle Sime 
 had talked it all over and agreed they would make the 
 sacrifice for the good of Jonesville. But I meant to break 
 it up ; I knowed it wuzn t his duty to nasty up his mind, 
 hopin to do good by it, when I could never git it cleaned 
 up agin as clean as it wuz before. 
 
CHAPTER VII 
 
 TINT Tryphena come in to make up our room 
 whilst we wuz argyin about it. She come 
 earlier than common, for she said she wuz 
 goin herself to the Fair that day and take 
 Dotie, who hadn t been at all. I told her it would be a job 
 to take care of a child in that big crowd. 
 
 But she said, " I d rather take care of Miss Dotie than to 
 eat any time. And as for the crowd it wuz nothin to 
 crowds she d been in when she lived in Paris with Miss 
 Louise and Prince Arthur. She had took him when he wuz 
 a little boy to the Boy Bolony and the Champin Eliza when 
 there wuz millions of folks there." She wuz always talk 
 ing of Prince Arthur, which I fancied wuz a pet name for 
 a child, and still given to the young man she wuz constantly 
 talkin about through her pride and love for him. 
 
 Aunt Tryphena wuz from slave parentage, but she had 
 always lived in white families since a child, so she had 
 little of the peculiar dialect of her race. But she wuz 
 black as the Founder of Evil himself, tall and thin with a 
 mighty head of wool white as snow, which she covered 
 with a yellow turban about her work. She had abnormal 
 powers of falsehood; not for profit or to make trouble, but 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 121 
 
 jest simple lying for lie s sake. The most incredible stories 
 she would string off, and nothing pleased Billy more than 
 to git her to goin , as he called it. 
 
 He would call our attention silently and reach behind 
 her when she wuz about her work and turn an imaginary 
 crank in her back, and then in the same pantomime would 
 jump back as if in fear of the fatal power he d invoked, 
 but would wickedly delight in the endless stream of talk 
 let forth, occasionally asking a few questions, enough to 
 keep her going. She would lean on top of her broom and 
 tell of her former adventures thrilling enough and lengthy 
 enough to fill a dozen lives. But everything had happened 
 to her personally, very few noted people but she had seen 
 and been on intimate terms with, very few far distant coun 
 tries but what she had visited, " Santered through," as she 
 termed it. 
 
 In a fine disregard for geography she would tell of step 
 ping from Chicago over to the Phillippines, and so on to 
 London and then to Europe. She detailed many adven 
 tures in Paris and described places that made us think 
 that she had some time lived there. She said she went 
 there with Miss Louise and her son, Prince Arthur, when 
 he wuz little, as his nurse. And she described him as hav 
 ing all the virtues of his sex with none of its frailties. She 
 said she had his picture which she would show us some day. 
 She described his mother as a " proud piece," almost 
 
122 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 putting her down on a level with " poor white trash," which 
 wuz the deepest depth her plummet of contumely could 
 reach. And she described her as holding her son by her 
 apron string, as she termed it. 
 
 She said he had been home this summer on bizness down 
 South and had come to see her, which Billy said wuz true, 
 a very handsome and elegant young gentleman having 
 called twice to see his old nurse during the spring and 
 summer. 
 
 She said he come to see her on his arrival at St. Louis 
 on some bizness connected with the Fair, and then he san- 
 tered off. to Saratoga for a few weeks, and then on to ole 
 Virginny and New Zealand, and then back to St. Louis to 
 attend to his bizness agin about the Fair. She said he wuz 
 pale and sad the last time she see him, and she mistrusted 
 his ma had been cuttin up. She sez : 
 
 " You know she lacks" That wuz Aunt Tryphena s 
 greatest condemnation to say folks lacked. She never told 
 what they lacked, but left it to the imagination of the 
 hearer ; from her expression you would imagine they lacked 
 all the cardinal virtues and them that wuzn t cardinal. She 
 said his ma wuz sick and kep the Prince right under her 
 feet, and he d gone back now to be with her leaving St. 
 Louis only a week or so before we come. 
 
 Bein asked why she left Miss Louise she wuz more re 
 ticent, only remarking that after Prince Arthur went to 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 123 
 
 college she wanted a change, so she had strolled over to 
 South America, and from there to Asia and so on to 
 Chicago where she wuz hired as nurse to Miss Dotie, and 
 when her ma died and the child wuz taken by its great- 
 aunt, Miss Huff, she had been willing to help the latter 
 through the Exposition, for she wuz a nice woman and 
 didn t lack. 
 
 But we could see that her real reason wuz to be with the 
 child faithful creeter she wuz, though queer, queer as 
 they make. And to see the little creature s white snow and 
 rose face resting lovingly and confidingly aginst the black 
 cheeks, you knew that Aunt Tryphena had good in her. 
 Little children are good detectives, like the sun that photo 
 graphs hidden virtues and failings in the human face, so 
 a child s intuition brought from the heaven they have so 
 lately left, takes the best impressions of a person s real 
 character. Children and animals live so near Nature s 
 heart they can detect real diamonds from the false, no paste 
 glitter can deceive em. Aunt Pheeny had qualities, or 
 Dotie wouldn t have loved her so well, and I felt it a great 
 compliment that she seemed to like me. 
 
 Well, as observed heretofore we had took a hefty job 
 that day, and we proceeded first to the Educational Build- 
 in . It wuz a noble lookin structure with a row of snowy 
 pillows all round it; a good many think it is the hand 
 somest buildin on the Fair ground, and as I said to Jo- 
 
124 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 siah, it ort to be considerin the greatness and importance 
 of the work it displays, for our free schools, our educa 
 tional advantages, are the pride and glory of our country. 
 
 " Yes, Samantha," sez he, "I hearn a man say yesterday 
 education wuz the very bull work of our country, meanin 
 you know, Samantha, it wuz strong as a bull." 
 
 " Oh, you hain t got it jest right, Josiah, bulwark don t 
 mean jest that, but you ve got the sperit of it," I hastened 
 to say, for he don t love to be corrected. 
 
 And here in this buildin we see everything relating to 
 schools from kindergarten to university, training schools, 
 where children wuz to work, schools for the blind, deaf and 
 dumb in operation ; the work of labratories going on before 
 you ; departments in drawing, music, agricultural colleges ; 
 experiment stations, forestry, engineering schools and in 
 stitutions, libraries, museums, education of the Indian and 
 negro, evening industrial schools, business and commercial 
 schools, people s institutes, and every way and manner of 
 mind training. Photograph, charts, maps, and not only all 
 our own educational exhibits, but England, France, Ger 
 many, Russia, China, and in short all the foreign countries. 
 
 We stayed a good while there and I would have loved to 
 stay longer, but Josiah got worrisome and wanted to go 
 on to Electricity Buildin which wuz next in our pro- 
 grammy. And here I took more solid comfort than in any 
 place I d been, beholdin the marvelous works wrought by 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 125 
 
 the greatest discovery of the ages. That wonderful Force 
 that has power to overcome space, save or slay. It is in 
 telligent, can talk over the ocean and under it, talk with 
 wires, and if a wire hain t handy it will take a beam of light 
 and talk on that, and it can git along without either one, for 
 here is the biggest wireless telegraph station ever built; 
 visitors can talk on it from city and city, jest throwin their 
 words out into the air and this onseen agency carries em 
 along to the one sent to and nobody else wonderful hain t 
 it? Wonderful to meditate on the great onseen forces all 
 about us, mysterious viewless shapes, nigh to us, helpin 
 us, journey in on errents of mercy to and fro on paths we 
 can t see, leadin up and down from star to star from 
 heaven to earth mebby. 
 
 And curious, hain t it, that the noble and ardent dis 
 coverers who have tried to git friendly with them Great 
 Forces and introduce em to the world have been called 
 ignorant and pagan, when if these scoffers knowed it there 
 is no paganism or ignorance to be compared to that of 
 bigotry and intolerance. 
 
 And we see there dynamos of all kinds, motors, storage 
 batteries, all sorts of power machines. Electric railway 
 equipments of every kind, telephone stations for talking 
 with wires and without em, all kinds of electric lighting, 
 arc lamps, electro-chemical displays. And in one place 
 they show the way Niagara wuz made to yield up her re- 
 
126 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 sistless power to work for mankind. Labratories for all 
 sorts of electrical exhibits and research work. Electricity 
 purifying water, making it safe to drink, wuz one of its 
 best exhibits. 
 
 There wuz everything there it wuz possible to show in 
 electricity and magnetism, not only in our own country, 
 but the work and discoveries of all the foreign countries 
 in this most interestin of fields. 
 
 There is another wireless telegraph and telephone station 
 in the Model City that we visited another time. You walk 
 into this room and you don t hear anything more than the 
 ordinary noise the big crowd makes passin to and fro. 
 And the air about you don t seem any different from jest 
 plain Jonesville air. Your human eyes and ears can t dis 
 cover any difference. 
 
 But you jest take up a receiver and put it to your ear 
 and lo, and behold the atmosphere all about you is full of 
 voices, near and fur off, strains of music. It s a sight. 
 
 And I sez to Josiah, " Who knows but some happy soul 
 some- happy day may discover the secret of seeing? Who 
 knows what divine visitors are this minute coming and 
 going over these onseen routes connecting our souls with 
 distant ones, connecting one land to another, one planet 
 to another like as not." 
 
 And growin some eloquent, I kep on, " We don t hear 
 the sound of their footsteps lighter and more noiseless than 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 127 
 
 the down of a blossom, shod as they are with the softness 
 of silence. We don t hear the rustle of their garments, 
 woven of f rabic lighter than air. We can t see their tender 
 faces no more than we can see the sweet breath of the rose. 
 If they lay their tender hands on our foreheads they rest 
 there so light and tender we fancy it is only a breath of air 
 touchin our fevered brows bringing a sudden rest and 
 comfort. 
 
 " If they speak to us when we re tired out and heart 
 broken we hear their voices only in our souls that are 
 suddenly and strangely consoled. If their eyes ever look 
 into our eyes filled with the divine pity and sweetness of 
 their all comprehendin love and sympathy, we only know 
 it by the sudden sunshiny light and warmth that fills our 
 being. But sometime, somewhere, some happy soul may 
 see and comprehend what we now faintly apprehend." 
 
 Josiah whispered, " Samantha Allen, do you realize 
 what you re doin ! You re attractin attention and makin 
 talk, come along! this is no time for eppisodin , if there 
 ever is a right time." 
 
 And bein brung down to earth agin I found to my 
 great surprise I wuz sayin this out loud entirely on- 
 beknown to myself. And I follered my pardner out of 
 the buildin . 
 
 But to resoom backwards. We thought we would go 
 from the Palace of Electricity to that of Transportation, 
 
128 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 and I feelin real tired thought I would take a chair a spell 
 (eloquence is tuckerin specially when you re walkin 
 afoot), and I proposed that we should all take chairs 
 for a spell. But Josiah said he didn t want any chair, 
 and Blandina of course follered suit and said she felt jest 
 like Uncle Josiah, she wouldn t set down if she could. 
 
 But I sez, " Well, I think I will take one," and Josiah 
 ruther onwillin ly said he would git one for me, and sez 
 he, "I ll see how much the man will throw off if I push 
 the chair myself." 
 
 Sez I, " The man wouldn t trust a perfect stranger with 
 a chair." 
 
 Then Josiah wondered if he couldn t borry the loan of 
 a wheelbarru that would hold me up. He could trundle 
 me along as well as not. 
 
 Sez I, " I shall not enter the Palace of Transportation, 
 Josiah Allen, in a wheelbarrow." 
 
 " Well, I could probable git in Machinery Hall a pair of 
 big castors and fix em onto your shoes, and Blandina and 
 I could push you round like a buro. What do you think 
 of that! " sez he anxiously. 
 
 " I shall not enter into any such operation ! " sez I. 
 "How it would look!" 
 
 " I d no as it would look so dretful, you standin up 
 straight and easy, and Blandina and I pushin you along, 
 and tennyrate I guess it would look as well as bein 
 throwed onto the town ! chairs cost like the old Harry." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 129 
 
 Sez I, " Don t worry, I shall pay with my own butter 
 money." And so I did, and rid to Transportation Buildin 
 with Josiah and Blandina walkin by my side. We entered 
 one of its sixty doors, and the first thing we sot our eyes 
 on up in plain sight, but fur ahead wuz the wheels of a 
 great locomotive weighin more than two hundred thou 
 sand pounds, revolvin round in dizzy speed. They said 
 it went by compressed air, another wonder, jest common 
 air that you could dip up in your hand and not think you 
 had anything in it, and yet if managed right had power 
 enough to turn all the machinery we see goin . Around 
 this monster engine wuz electric head-lights throwin daz- 
 zlin beams in every direction. The hull tiling well named, 
 the Spirit of the Twentieth Century. And all round it wuz 
 grouped models showing the development of the inventor s 
 dream from the first rough effort at an engine up to the 
 most perfect specimen of to-day. All sorts of electrical 
 railways, freight and work cars, tracks, switches, signals, 
 carriages, ortomobiles, motor vehicles, naval architecture, 
 models, boats, steamships, men-of-war, battleships of the 
 line. 
 
 Exhibits of all sorts, illustrating inland transportation 
 in India, France, Germany, Switzerland, Spain and every 
 other foreign country. You could see to once that there wuz 
 ways enough to travel, and if you stayed to home it wuz 
 your own fault. 
 
130 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Well, we went from there to Machinery Buildin , that 
 bein writ down next on my pad. But as we walked along, 
 I considerable riz up in my mind, owin to what I d seen, 
 who should we come acrost but the widder Whisher of 
 Loontown, a woman we knew well. She wuz settin on a 
 bench cryin as if her heart would break, and I sez : 
 
 " Why, sister Whisher, what is the matter? " (She wuz 
 sister in the meetin house.) 
 
 She had a paper in her hand and held it oi*t to us, " Jest 
 see that ! I found it in the pocket of my innocent boy ! " 
 pintin to a coat layin by her. 
 
 < < Why, " sez I, * that paper is took more than any other 
 almost; I like it myself first-rate, its editorials are the 
 brightest and smartest you ll find anywhere." 
 
 " Oh, but it is so sensational ! so vulgar, so demoralizin 
 to the tender and innocent heart of youth. And to think 
 that my spotless child that I have guarded so sedgously 
 from every breath of evil should have it concealed in his 
 pocket. I have always burnt every copy I ve found." And 
 agin she sobbed, and agin I sez : 
 
 " Sister Whisher, don t take it so to heart ; he ll have to 
 weather worst storms than this on the sea of life. And you 
 can t expect to be with him always and stand to the 
 helium." 
 
 " Oh, but Reginald Heber is so innocent, so pure-hearted ; 
 almost an angel," sez she, " I have been so afraid that he 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 131 
 
 wuz too perfect for this sinful world ! " And her tears 
 flowed afresh. 
 
 Well, I see I couldn t plug up this flowin fountain of 
 tears with sympathy or reason, so we mogged along. 
 Widder Whisher wuz always kinder soft and she d made 
 a perfect idol of Reginald, who wuzn t any better than 
 common children so fur as I could see. 
 
 And after goin a few steps, Josiah and I in advance, 
 Blandina a little in our rears, who should we see comin 
 directly towards us but Reginald Heber himself. He evi 
 dently didn t notice who we wuz, but wuz merely takin note 
 of a new victim, for after takin fair aim at my stomach he 
 bent his head down and went, " Choo, choo ! choo, choo ! " 
 like a engine and run towards me at full speed, and bunted 
 his round shingled head right into my stomach with almost 
 the force of an arrer shot out of a catamount, yellin all the 
 while like a demon. 
 
 " Git out of the way, you old four-eyed devil you ! " 
 
 Makin light of my spectacles, I spoze, though truly I 
 wuz too weak to reason. After doublin me up in agony 
 he sought safety in flight. But my indignant pardner 
 ketched him by his little short-tailed coat and dragged him 
 back to his ma, hollerin at her : 
 
 " I ll give you a specimen of your innocent boy ! He s 
 jest the kind of an innocent angel I d love to take a hem 
 lock shingle to, and would, if it wuzn t for makin talk." 
 And he told the hull thing before I could interfere. 
 
132 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 She wept afresh, but sez she, lookin at the whimper in 
 and strugglin Reginald H., " How soon the demoralizin 
 effects of that paper shows 
 
 But Josiah continued on in that same loud axent, his 
 liniment red as blood with anger, " If I had your darling to 
 deal with a spell, there would be a change in him, or a 
 funeral appinted, and the body would be ready at the 
 time sot, I can tell you that ! " 
 
 Josiah wuz fearful excited and by the side of himself. 
 Such voylent language is almost a perfect stranger to him, 
 but he feared for my bones. But I found after walkin 
 round a spell that they wuz intact, but the pain in my 
 stomach hung about me all day, and that night, no matter 
 how high my standin wuz in the W. C. T. II., I had to 
 take a peppermint sling. 
 
 But to resoom backward. Machinery Buildin wuz an im 
 mense beautiful palace. And when I tell you its contents 
 are valued at eight millions you won t expect me to dis- 
 scribe the hull on em, no, it hain t reasonable. When we 
 entered we see the first thing a engine of over fifty thou 
 sand horse-power. 
 
 Now, jest think on t, a one horse-power hain t to be 
 despised. Why, I ve thought our old mair power when she 
 wuz hitched onto a bob sled wuz powerful. But jest think 
 of fifty thousand horse-power. Why, if they wuz hitched 
 in front of each other with lines about the usual length, the 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 133 
 
 line would reach more than a hundred miles. Why, the 
 veiy idee is staggerin to the intellect. 
 
 But, there it was right there before our eyes grindin 
 out power to run this monster Exposition, and not com- 
 plainin or needin the whip as the fifty thousand horses 
 would, only jest knucklin down stiddy to the work, groan- 
 in considerable loud, and who blames it. And you could 
 see everything in the line of engines from the little half 
 horse-power gas engine, about half the mair s strength, 
 about cow power, mebby, and from this up to a steam 
 turbin of eight thousand horse-power, a rotary steam 
 engine. And in the Belgian exhibit wuz a gas engine of 
 three thousand horse-power, a common sized horse can 
 be driv through its cylinders, it takes about thirty tons of 
 coal a day to run it. And there wuz a big French steam 
 engine turnin three hundred and thirty times a minute. 
 And there wuz a great hydraulic press from Germany that 
 exerts the terrific pressure of ninety thousand pounds to 
 the square inch what would it be to the yard ? My brain 
 hain t powerful enough to tackle the idee. 
 
 Well, there wuz every kind of machinery in the world 
 from all the foreign countries as well as ours, and the 
 methods of making and running them. And we stayed 
 there till my head seemed to turn round and round, and I 
 told my pardner I must git out into the open air or I 
 should begin to turn round and revolve in spite of me. 
 
134 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 I spoze I did look bad, and Josiah said we would go and 
 have lunch. He said there wuz a caff right round the 
 corner, as he pronounced cafe it sounded like a young cow. 
 But the idee wuz good, and after we eat quite a good meal 
 and rested a little we started to tackle Agricultural Buildin 
 which wuz writ next on my pad. 
 
 It wuz quite a journey there, in fact, as I ve said before, 
 you have to walk a long distance to git anywhere, but jest 
 before we got there we see sunthin that made us forgit 
 for the moment our achin limbs. On the side of a slopin 
 hill at the bottom of the long flight of stairs, that lead up 
 to the north entrance of Agricultural Hall is the most 
 wonderful clock that wuz ever seen on this globe, and I 
 don t believe they ve got anything to beat it in Mars or 
 Saturn. 
 
 I can t give you much idee of it by writin , nobody can, 
 but I can probably describe it so you can see it goes ahead 
 of your own clock on the kitchen wall or mantelry piece. 
 To begin with how long do you spoze the minute hand is ? 
 The minute hand on our clock is about three inches long, 
 and the minute hand to this is fifty feet long, and its face 
 is about three hundred feet round and all made of the 
 most beautiful posies. 
 
 Why, the figures that mark the hours are fifteen feet 
 long, most three times as long as my pardner, if he lay 
 flat as a pan-cake to be measured by a pole, jest think of 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 135 
 
 that and these figgers are all made of bright colored foliage 
 plants. The ornaments round the face of the clock is a 
 border of twenty-five different plants, each one fifteen feet 
 wide. Some different from the ornamental wreath round 
 our clock face, that hain t more n half an inch wide, if it 
 is that. Our clock has a picture underneath of old Time 
 with his scythe a mowin down the hours and minutes as 
 his nater his. And I told Josiah how beautiful and sym 
 bolical it wuz to think old Time had laid down his scythe 
 for a spell, and wuz measurin off the hours here in this 
 Fairy Land with beautiful posies. 
 
 And Josiah said, " The hours ort to be marked here 
 with canes and crutches," he said his legs ached like the 
 toothache. 
 
 The distances are awful and I couldn t deny it, and you 
 do git tuckered out, but then, as I told Josiah, jest think 
 what you re tuckered for. 
 
 And he said, " When you re as dead as a door-nail he 
 didn t know what good some steeples and flags wuz goin 
 to do you, or floral clocks." I mistrusted he d walked too 
 fur lately, and had strained the cords of his legs, and his 
 patience too much, though the last-named wuz easy hurt 
 and always wuz. 
 
 But Josiah took out his watch and looked at it and said 
 he d promised to meet a man on important bizness, and 
 he d meet us at a certain spot in Agricultural Hall in jest 
 one hour. 
 
136 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 I asked him what bizness it wuz, and he hesitated a little 
 and said as he hurried away that it wuz " Bizness con 
 nected with the meetin house," and I asked him " What 
 meetin house? " and he didn t answer me, he wuz walkin 
 off so fast mebby he didn t hear me. 
 
 Well, Blandina and I stayed lookin at this wonderful 
 clock for some time, and she said that the man that in 
 vented this clock wuz a powerful genius and how she did 
 wish she could meet him. She said such a man needed a 
 kind and lovin companion to take every care offen him and 
 pet him and make of him. 
 
 The machinery of this clock, what makes it go, is up 
 above a little ways on the hill in a small pavilion. There 
 are glass doors, and you can look in and see the works of the 
 clock. A great bell there strikes off the hours and quarter 
 hours, and there is a big hour-glass there too. One thou 
 sand electric lights light it up at night so folks can see 
 day or night jest how time is passin away. 
 
 Agricultural Building is the largest on the ground. The 
 two palaces of Agriculture and Horticulture stand up on 
 a beautiful hill surrounded by orchards, gardens, vine 
 yards, shrubs, vines of all sorts. This outside exhibit 
 covers fifty acres. There are beautiful lakes full of the 
 rarest aquatic plants, from the great Egyptian lotus, 
 whose leaves are large and strong enough to hold up a 
 good-sized child, and all kinds of smaller plants, but jest 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 137 
 
 as beautiful ; indeed, there is everything rare and lovely in 
 that display that ever grew in water or on land, and they 
 make it one of the most beautiful places of the hull Ex- 
 position. 
 
 The enormous display outside and inside covers seventy 
 acres, and every inch on em beautiful and instructive. 
 The twenty acres covered by Agricultural Hall contains 
 everything relating to the soil and its cultivation, every 
 thing that Mother Earth gives to man, all the tools, imple 
 ments of every kind used in agriculture, ploughs, reapers, 
 mowers, threshers, etc., run by horse-power, steam or elec 
 tricity. 
 
 Among the ploughs we see a small old-fashioned one 
 made of wood, used by Daniel Webster when he wuz 
 a poor farmer boy. Workin hard at his humble 
 work but his boyish mind, most probable, sot on 
 sunthin fur above, lookin at the hard soil ahead on 
 him that he must break up, with them wonderful, 
 sad, eloquent eyes of hisen, and seein visions, no doubt, 
 and dreamin dreams. Callin out to his oxen or horses, 
 " gee," or " whoa " as the case might be, and they not sens- 
 in the fact that this voice wuz goin to give utterance to 
 silver-tongued, heart thrillin eloquence in the highest 
 places of Europe and his native land. 
 
 As I looked at it pensively I pictured the tired boy hold- 
 in the onhandy handles of the plow and trudgin along 
 
138 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 behind his team through the long sultry days, and thought 
 to myself, what hopes and dreams and ambitions wuz 
 turned over by that old plow as well as green-sward. 
 
 Eight by that little plow wuz a big powerful one that 
 went by electricity. A sight that would probable looked as 
 strange to Daniel, could it have appeared to him then, as 
 any of his wildest day-dreams materilized. 
 
 And there wuz all the methods of irrigation, draining, 
 engines, wind-mills, pumps, farm wagons, all kinds of 
 fruit, sugar canes, vegetable sugar, candy stores, confec 
 tionery displays, vegetables of all kinds that wuz ever 
 hearn on, some on em of such monster size that you never 
 dremp on em, unless it wuz in a night-mair. 
 
CHAPTER VIII 
 
 ELL, the time had arrived when we promised 
 to meet Josiah at the appinted rondevoo. 
 Indeed Blandina, went a little ahead of time, 
 for as second chaperone she said it might 
 be he would get there a little early, and bein naturally 
 high-sperited he might get impatient, and she said men 
 ort to be guarded from anything that would wear on their 
 tempers, jest as much as possible. 
 
 So I looked round a little more, and when I got to the 
 place appinted, there sot Blandina readin extracts from 
 " The Noble Achievements of Men " in a paper cover, 
 which she carried round in her pocket. But no Josiah wuz 
 there. 
 
 Minutes passed; my happiness and peace of mind 
 passin off faster than the minute hand, and no Josiah. A 
 quarter of a hour passed, and still no sign of that dear 
 man. And when half an hour had gone by I busted into 
 tears, and Blandina I could see wuz torn with anxiety and 
 offered to go out into the streets of St. Louis and hunt for 
 him. She mistrusted he had wandered off the Fair ground, 
 and that clever creeter wuz willin to leave all the allure 
 ments that wuz allurin her here to hunt for him. 
 
140 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 I sez, " I don t believe he is there. But, oh, where shall 
 we find him? and what state will he be in when found! " 
 Knowin the past as we did, we feared for the worst. But 
 
 jest then Billy 
 Huff happened to 
 pass by and 
 stopped and asked 
 what wuz the 
 matter. 
 
 " Oh! " sez I, 
 with the tears 
 runnin down my 
 cheeks in copious 
 as torrents, " my 
 pardner is lost! 
 "Where did 
 you lose him! 
 sez he. 
 
 I told him how 
 it wuz and he sez, 
 "I ll bet I can 
 find him for you; 
 I remember his talkin last night about a certain place." 
 Sez I in tearful axents, " Oh, do ! do try, and ease the 
 heart of a distracted companion." 
 
 But when he mentioned the place he thought he wuz 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 141 
 
 I repelled the insinuation with scorn. It wuz one of 
 the most hilarious and vain places of revelry at the Fair, 
 where there wuz lots of bally girls and etcetery, and I sez : 
 
 " No, indeed ! He may have gone into some meetin 
 house and wandered up into the steeple onbeknown to him, 
 or some educational exhibit, or Bible rooms, but never, 
 never in that place." 
 
 But yieldin to his arguments I consented to go with him 
 sayin we would stay at the door while he reconoitered. 
 But jest as we got to the door who should we see comin 
 out radiant and smilin but Josiah Allen and Uncle Sime 
 Bentley. 
 
 Billy sez, " What did I tell you? " 
 
 I couldn t frame a reply, I had no frame that fitted 
 the remark, but as Billy disappeared to once it didn t 
 matter. When Josiah ketched my eye and the look it 
 wore, the blush of shame mantiled his cheek or wuz it 
 remorse? I couldn t tell, they look some alike. 
 
 And he sez, " We went in, Samantha, to look for a mis- 
 sin man, and my corn ached like furiation jest as we wuz 
 passin the door, and I couldn t seem to walk another 
 step, and it looked some like rain and I knew you wouldn t 
 want me to spile my new coat 
 
 And Uncle Sime chimed in, " We wuz took faint both 
 on us jest as we got to the door and had to set down, and 
 I mistrusted I should find cousin Zekiel there," and then 
 
142 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 happenin to remember, both at the same time, they begun 
 to say how they went for the good of the meetin house. 
 
 Sez I in frigid axents, " Say no more! " And I turned 
 onto my heel and walked coldly away. 
 
 But Blandina whispered to me, " Oh, be merciful, Aunt 
 Samantha, men have such powerful intellects, that Shows 
 that would almost ruin a woman, don t affect them hardly 
 any. Speak tenderly to him," sez she, " and I myself will 
 gently accost Mr. Bentley." 
 
 So she stepped back to his side and Josiah advanced 
 and walked by me still pourin out excuses. Why he gin 
 enough reasons to excuse a regiment let alone one small 
 deacon. 
 
 But Blandina seemed to lose her efforts, for Uncle Sime 
 talked real grouty to her, he has never had a idee of 
 marryin anybody since his wife died and he mistrusts 
 wimmen are runnin after him. You know male widow 
 ers do git that idee into their heads, them that are as 
 humbly as Time in the Primer, and a onmarried woman 
 can t ask em about the weather, or sheep, or anything 
 but what they mistrust some hidden warmth, and pride 
 themselves on how attractive they be. It s a sight. 
 
 As nigh as I could find out the minute Josiah Allen 
 left me he took the railway and hurried to the wicked 
 place where he and Uncle Sime wuz to meet, expectin 
 to git back in ample time to meet us. But they wuz so 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 143 
 
 took up with the show they dallied, and so retribution 
 and a indignant pardner overtook em. Well, we took 
 the Intremoral railway and went back to finish Agricul 
 tural Hall, for that bein writ on my pad I wanted to 
 complete it so fur as we could, of course it would took 
 months to do justice to it. 
 
 We got there in a few minutes, and Josiah, as might 
 be expected, wanted to see the food exhibits, so we went 
 where there wuz all kinds of food made of vegetable pro 
 ducts, all kind of grain, flour mills where you could see 
 wheat go in one end and bread come out the other, baker 
 ies, kitchens, tea and coffee pavilions and every sort of 
 animal food products, milk and cream in every form, 
 fresh and preserved cheese and butter dairies, all sorts of 
 dairy tools, churns, separators, cheese presses and vats, 
 everything connected with makin butter and cheese, 
 transporting and distributing. Starch factories, broom 
 factories, market gardening in all branches. 
 
 Grasses, all sorts of fodder for cattle, raised in every 
 country of the world, and the best methods of raising. 
 Everything relating to poultry, artificial hatching and 
 raising. Every kind of crop raised in every country of 
 the world and the best methods of raising and handling 
 them. As in cotton, you can see it from the tiny seed 
 clear to the cotton mill, so in corn, you see everything 
 that is manufactured from it and how it is done meal, 
 
144 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 breakfast foods, starch, bread, pastry, baking powders, 
 yeast, from a kernel of corn up to mills and manufac 
 tories. And so it wuz in everything raised in our own 
 country and all over the world. 
 
 And there wuz a display of insects, bees and everything 
 relating to honey and wax. Silk worms and their work and 
 products, cochineal and all kinds of useful insects and 
 their work, and hurtful insects and methods of destroy 
 ing them, and so on and so on and so on. I couldn t tell 
 all I see if I should try a week, and what we see wuzn t 
 a drop to a fountain. The immense buildin is divided 
 off into streets and blocks jest like a city, and you might 
 roam through them streets a month and find sunthin new 
 and interestin every day and hour. 
 
 Well, from there we went to Horticultural Hall, or we 
 had started for there when Josiah made a, observation 
 about the size of a potato he had seen in Agricultural Hall, 
 that I had to in the cause of Truth and Duty object to, 
 the size he mentioned was a twelve-quart pail, and I said: 
 
 " Josiah, take off a few quarts from that pail. For the 
 good of your soul take off two quarts anyway." 
 
 " Not a quart ! " sez he, " nor a spunf ul." 
 
 Well, we had words about it, Blandina as usual siding 
 with her uncle, and it ended with their goin back with a 
 string, which Josiah produced from his pocket to measure 
 it, I offering to stay by a certain statute till they got back. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis ^Exposition 145 
 
 And as I stood there lookin at the stiddy passin crowd 
 and philosophizin on it as my nater is, I wuz accosted by 
 a strange lookin man, as I took it to be (I say It for 
 reasons named hereafter). 
 
 " Josiah Allen s wife, I am happy to meet you ; I knew 
 you at once though it is so long since we met." In the 
 meantime it had gripped holt of my hand with fervor. 
 
 I drawed back and sez, "Sir!" (I thought it favored 
 that gender most) " Sir, I think you are mistook." 
 
 " Oh, no, you are Josiah Allen s wife ; I am Dr. Mary 
 Walker." 
 
 " Oh ! " sez I in a relieved axent, as I returned the warm 
 grasp of her hand, " I am glad to meet you, Mary." 
 
 She s done some good things in her life, takin care of 
 poor wounded soldiers, etc., and I honored her for em. 
 Though I don t approve of her costoom, as I told her in 
 the conversation that ensued, after we d talked consider 
 able about the Fair and kindred matters. For I see as we 
 stood there behavin ourselves, curious eyes wuz bent on 
 her and onbecomin epithets hurled at her by them who 
 knowed no better. She seemed oblivious to em, but I 
 asked her if she wouldn t rather wear less noticeable attire. 
 
 And she said she cared not for ribald remarks as long 
 as her motives wuz pure. 
 
 And I said we could carry pure motives under a head 
 dress of peacock s feathers standin up straight over our 
 
146 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 foreheads, but wouldn t it be better to carry em under 
 a bunnet! 
 
 " No better ! " sez she. " Not a whit." 
 
 " Well, easier! " sez I. " Wouldn t it be easier for our 
 selves and bystanders ! " 
 
 Sez she, " I care not for Public Opinion ! " 
 
 " But," sez I, " as long as we ve got to live clost neigh 
 bor to Public Opinion wouldn t it be easier for us to fall 
 in with his idees a little on comparatively unimportant 
 things than to keep him riled up all the time! It seems 
 to me that if folks want to impress their personality on 
 the world it is better to do it by noble deeds and words 
 than by startlin costooms." 
 
 Sez she, " My dress is fur more comfortable than the 
 ordinary dress of females." 
 
 Sez I reasonably, " Short dresses are a boon and a bless- 
 in , but in my opinion they can be short enough for com 
 fort and still not infringe on man s chosen raiment. 
 And as for pantaloons, men are welcome to em so fur 
 as I m concerned, and also tall hats, they hain t nothin 
 I hanker for either on em." 
 
 Sez she, " We have a right to wear any clothes we see 
 fit." 
 
 Sez I, " We have a right to plow green sword, shingle 
 a steep barn ruff, or break a yoke of steers. But the 
 question is, will it pay in comfort or economy to do this? 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 147 
 
 As for me, I d ruther be in the house in a comfortable 
 dress and clean apron, cookin a good dinner for Josiah, 
 or settin down knittin his socks whilst he duz the harder 
 work he is by nater and education fitted for. But every 
 body to their own mind. And so fur as I am concerned 
 I d ruther attract attention by doin sun thin worth 
 while, sunthin really noble and good, than by tyin a red 
 rag round my fore-top. But as I say, folks are different, 
 and I am fur from sayin that my way is the only right 
 way." 
 
 Mary kinder waived off sx)me of my idees and went 
 on and spoke of her work on the battlefield and how neces 
 sary her dress wuz in such a place. 
 
 And I sez, " Mary, I ve always honored you for your 
 noble work there. But I believe I could lift up the head 
 of a dyin man easier in a loose gingham dress and straw 
 bunnet tied on, than I could in your tight pantaloons and 
 high hat, but howsumever the main thing is that the man 
 is lifted, and he doubtless wouldn t quarrel about the cos- 
 toom of his preserver. The main thing in this world, 
 Mary, is the work we do, the liftin , or tryin to lift; the 
 day s work we do in the harvest field of Endeavor. And 
 I spoze a few trousers more or less hain t goin to count 
 when we carry in our sheaves. Though I must say to the 
 last, Mary Walker, I could carry em easier in my dress 
 than I could in yourn." 
 
148 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 In the heat of our good-natered conversation Mary had 
 slipped her hand through my arm and neither of us no 
 ticed it, so wropped up wuz we in the topics under dis 
 
 cussion, when I hearn Blandina s voice behind me sayin , 
 " Oh, what a noble lookin man Aunt Samantha is talkin 
 to and how affectionate actin ; how sweet it will be to 
 meet him." And then I hearn a sharp raspin voice clost 
 to me sayin : 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 149 
 
 " Sir, I will thank you to onhand my wife ! " 
 I wouldn t hardly have knowed my pardner s voice, 
 such burnin anger showed in it and wuz depictered on 
 his liniment as I turned round and faced him. And he 
 went on: 
 
 " Samantha, have I lived with you most a century to 
 be deceived in you now! " 
 
 His turrible emotions had onhinged his reason in facul 
 ties, we hain t lived together so long as that, but I didn t 
 dane to argy, I only sez with calm dignity: 
 
 " Miss Walker, this is my pardner, Josiah Allen." 
 "Miss ! " sez he in a overbearin axent, "Miss Walker ! " 
 He looked as if he thought it wuz a conspiracy hatched 
 up between us to deceive him. 
 
 " Yes," sez I coolly, " Miss Walker, Dr. Mary Walker." 
 " Oh ! " sez Josiah, in his surprise and relief not offer- 
 in to bow or shake hands or nothin . " Dear Samantha, 
 I ve hearn on her." And he turned and linked his hand 
 in my other arm so for a minute we looked like three twins 
 perambulatin along. In the meantime I introduced Blan- 
 dina, who looked bewildered and disappinted. 
 
 But Dr. Mary Walker remembered a engagement, and 
 to my relief took leave on us. And I said a few words 
 to Josiah on the danger and cruelty to me of his hasty 
 opinion and suspicion and in the cause of Duty I men 
 tioned the late eppisode of himself and Uncle Sime, and 
 
150 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 he seemed mortified and apologetic for as many as three 
 minutes. But it didn t last, it never duz with his sect. 
 And we went on to Horticultural Hall, Josiah on the way 
 reluctantly showin me the string he had measured the 
 potato with. He had to take off several quarts offen that 
 pail, jest as I told him he would, and it made him fraxious. 
 
 But he lost his shagrin on the way, it wuz buried under 
 the acres of posies and beautiful shrubs and trees through 
 which we wuz passin . Every rare posy you ever hearn 
 on wuz there and them you never dremp on, and trees, 
 some beautiful and familiar, and them with strange and 
 beautiful foliage. Little lakes, where gold and silver fish 
 played and dotted over with the rarest and loveliest water 
 plants and blossoms, shrubs runnin over with bloom, why, 
 there wuz acres of jest rosies. And in the middle of a six- 
 acre rose garden stood a handsome statute of one of my own 
 sect, Flora by name, jest lookin down as if she owned 
 the hull on t, and wuz proud and happy to be there, as 
 well she might she ll never git into such a delightful 
 spot agin, I don t believe. 
 
 And there wuz pleasant walks windin round every 
 which way and once in awhile a big tree shadin a cozy 
 nook where you could sit down and enjoy the beauty and, 
 perfume. It wuz good to be there, and it seemed as if 
 the hull world had the same mind about comin and wuz 
 all there walkin about or else settin down enjoyin them 
 selves. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 151 
 
 Horticultural Buildin is big enough and full enough 
 to keep folks busy a month. Eight in the centre, in a 
 place as long as from our house clear over to she that 
 wuz Submit Tewksbury s and I d no but furder, wuz a 
 display of fruit, all kinds of fruit of every shape and 
 size that grow in every climate from frigid to torrid, 
 and every country from Greenland to Asia, it wuz a sight. 
 Then there wuz a display of every kind of horticultural 
 machinery and implements, glass housen, aquariums, fern 
 eries, all sorts of ornaments for gardens. 
 
 All kinds of small fruits and how to grow em, every 
 thing relating to the culture of vines, vineyards, wine cel 
 lars. All sorts of ornamental plants and flowers, models 
 of fruit in wax and plaster, baskets and bunches of flow 
 ers, conservatories, all flowering plants from every coun 
 try and the way to grow them. All sorts of seeds, grass, 
 fruit trees of all kinds, and the best way to prune and 
 plant them. 
 
 Josiah told me he thought we could git round and see 
 what wuz in this buildin in four weeks, but I felt duber- 
 some about it and told him we would have to go a pretty 
 good jog if we did. Blandina thought she could git 
 round in three weeks if she had some good man s arm to 
 lean on the most of the time. 
 
 But tennyrate, after stayin there and lookin round a 
 long time, I told Josiah I wuz tired enough to go home, 
 so we went. 
 
152 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 I wuz most melted too, for St. Louis weather is tuck 
 ering to them that can t stand heat. It made Josiah real 
 worrisome time and agin. And one thing he said about 
 it put a idee into my head that I never had thought on, 
 I thought it wuz real smart. 
 
 Somebody wuz lamentin the fact in our hearin that so 
 many thieves and villains of all sorts had congregated at 
 St. Louis this summer, and Josiah sez: 
 
 " It s a first rate thing for sinners to come here to git 
 acclimated, as it were, before they die." 
 
 I hadn t thought on t, but felt there wuz sunthin in it, 
 for truly the burnin climate of the place I don t want to 
 speak on by name, must be easier to bear after visitin 
 St. Louis than to plunge into it from cooler and more 
 northern States. And still I don t know why we should 
 want to make it easier for em, I spoze it wuz our pityin 
 naters that made us think ont. 
 
 The weather wuz simply burnin hot, no other word 
 describes it, oveny, f urnacy hot ! and Josiah said, and well 
 said, it set folks to thinkin and inclined em to take warn- 
 in and mend their ways. Sez he, " Two days of St. Louis 
 weather wuz worth more to sinners than the sermons of a 
 month of winter Sundays." 
 
 Truly in heat it wuz a great object lesson. I wore my 
 brown lawn dress day after day, havin no chance to wear 
 my rich alpacky, as I wanted to, to kinder show off be- 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 153 
 
 fore Miss Huff, and Blandina presented the wilted ap 
 pearance of a long slim cabbage leaf plunged in bilin 
 water. 
 
 I believe Josiah s groanin s and takings on and mut- 
 terin s helped him to bear it better than if he had held 
 in. Not that I told him so, no, I told him it wuz onmanly 
 to carry on so. But truly the heat wuz fearful, our cloth- 
 in stuck to us and prespiration and sweat run down 
 our faces. 
 
 The next day it wuz so hot I felt kinder mauger and 
 stayed to home. Blandina and Miss Huff went half a 
 day, and in the afternoon Blandina went to a big depart 
 ment store in the city to git some thinner underwear, and 
 I got awful skairt about her. Miss Huff gin her the most 
 minute directions about where it wuz and what car to 
 take, it wuzn t a great ways off, and she ort to got back 
 at four o clock anyway. 
 
 But time run along, four struck, then five and then six, 
 and I wuz gittin dretful worried about her when she 
 come in tired enough. 
 
 Sez I, " I wuz awful worried about you, Blandina. Did 
 you git lost? 
 
 1 No. She said she got onto the right car and the con 
 ductor wuz a dretful handsome and fascinatin man, and 
 she went to git off at the right street, and kinder backed 
 off, she always duz git off that way, and the conductor 
 
154 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 thinkin she wanted to git on, he smiled so sweet and held 
 out his hand to help her on so she would git on again. 
 And that happened over and over. She not wantin to 
 hurt his feelin s and slight him by not takin holt of 
 his hand and climbin on agin. Till finally she did show 
 some good sense, she asked the man standin on the plat 
 form if he would help her off, for she had been tryin 
 to git off for the last .five stations. So she had to take a 
 car back, but the conductor wuz humbly and gruff and 
 she got along all right, but it belated her. 
 Sez I, " What made you do it, Blandina? 
 "Oh," sez she, " he looked so winmn and invitin I 
 didn t want to hurt his feelin s." 
 
 Sez I, " You ll sup sorrer yet, Blandina, by your want- 
 in to obleege everybody. You ort to look out for your 
 self some, you re altogether too good to be comfort 
 able." 
 
CHAPTEE IX 
 
 ELL, Josiah went that day with Billy Huff, he 
 santered off without any system or plan, 
 and wouldn t take my pad though I offered 
 it to him. But I guess they jest poked 
 round miscelaneous, as you may say, seem jest what 
 they happened to run into. And in some of their 
 travels they met Barzelia Trimble, a woman lecturer, 
 she s young and good lookin and smart as a whip, 
 and I guess she made much of Josiah, tennyrate she gin 
 him tickets to her lecture. 
 
 She said she d met a man whose brother-in-law s 
 cousin had bought a dog once of a neighbor of mine, and 
 so feelin so well acquainted with me she sent me the 
 tickets, and did hope we would come. She said she felt 
 that she knew us both so well that it would be a treat 
 to her. 
 
 The way she come to see Josiah that day, Billy had met 
 her at school where she lectured. 
 
 Josiah wuz very anxious that we should both go. He 
 remembered the dog. 
 
 But I sez, " I thought you didn t believe in wimmen s 
 lecturin and havin rights, Josiah." 
 
156 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " Well, I don t believe in em, but the tickets wuz gin 
 to us, fifty cents right out of her pocket, and she 11 expect 
 us. She said it would make her feel more homelike to 
 have us present." 
 
 Well, sez I, " I don t know as I feel so very intim 
 ate with her, I never see the dog, but her idees on wim 
 men s rights is sensible, I ve read about em." 
 
 And that kinder headed Josiah off onto a new tact; 
 we had had a dretful good supper, and I believe Miss 
 Trimble had made a sight on him, I believe she had flat 
 tered and pompeyed him and for the time bein he felt 
 soft in sperit towards the sex. 
 
 And tennyrate men s moods are like the onf athomable 
 sea, sometimes turbulent, throwin up stunny arguments 
 and sandy ones, and agin flowin calm and smooth as ile, 
 and this wuz one of the gently swashin ones. 
 
 " Id no," sez he, " and I told her so, what wimmen 
 want rights for, or to vote; I never wanted wimmen to 
 vote, I told her they wuz too good, they wuz too near 
 angels to have rights. You know I ve always said so, 
 Samantha, and I wuz readin a piece a day or two ago, 
 writ by one of the first ministers in the country, and he 
 said that wimmen hadn t ort to want any rights; they ort 
 to be riz up on a pedestal and I say so too." 
 
 And I sez, " No, Josiah, I can t go into that with all 
 the rest I have to do, and it seems onreasonable in that 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 157 
 
 minister to want wimmen to climb up onto pedestals when 
 they have to do their own housework. " 
 
 " Well, I say it hain t onreasonable. You ort to be 
 up on one, Samantha." 
 
 (How much Miss Trimble must have made on him. 
 He wuz so oncommon clever, and he never wuz megum, 
 poor creeter!) I didn t really want to git into an argument 
 at that time o day, but I see he wuz on the wrong tact, 
 and I felt I must convince him, so I sez in reasonable 
 axents : 
 
 " I jest as lives be on a pedestal as not, I d kinder 
 love to if I could set, I always did enjoy bein riz up, if 
 I had nothin to do only to stay up there some time, but 
 wimmen have to git round so much it wouldn t work. 
 How could I take a tower histed up like the car of Jug 
 gernaut or a Pope in a procession. I couldn t get car 
 riers for one thing, and I wouldn t give a cent to be 
 carried round anyway with my dizzy spells, I should 
 more n as likely as not fall off. But that hain t the main 
 reason I m agin it, it is too tuckerin a job for wimmen." 
 
 " Tuckerin to be enthroned on a pedestal with the 
 male sect lookin up to you and worshippin you. You 
 call that tuckerin ? " sez he. 
 
 " Yes," sez I, " I do. How under the sun can I or 
 any other woman be up on a pedestal and do our own 
 housework, cookin , washin dishes, sweepin , moppin , 
 
158 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 cleanin lamps, blackin stoves, washin , ironin , makin 
 beds, quiltin bed quilts, gittin three meals a day, day 
 after day, biled dinners and bag puddin s and mince pies 
 and things, to say nothin of custard and pumpkin pies 
 that will slop over on the level, do the best you can ; how 
 could you keep em inside the crust histin yourself up 
 and down! And cleanin house time 
 
 " Mebby," sez I honestly, " it would come handy in 
 whitewashin or fixin the stovepipe, but where would 
 it be in cleanin mop-boards, or puttin down carpets, or 
 washin winders, or doin a three weeks washing or bilin 
 soap? or pickin geese? They act like fury shot up on 
 the barn floor. How could you git our old gander up on 
 a pedestal? His temper is that fiery, to say nothin of 
 settin or standin on it and holdin on to the old thing 
 and pickin it. And raisin chickens and washin old 
 trousers and overalls, and cleanin sullers and paintin 
 floors and paperin , and droudgin round all the time, as 
 a woman has to to keep her house comfortable. 
 
 " And pickin black-caps and strawberries, and churn- 
 in big churnin s of butter, and pickin wool, to say noth- 
 in of onexpected company comin , and no girl. Let a lot 
 of company come to stay all day the relations on your 
 side and the work not done, and me posin like a statute, 
 lookin down on you and your sect, you d feel like a fool 
 and jaw, you know you would. I presoom you d throw 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 159 
 
 your boot-jack at me and threaten to part with me, and 
 how mean that would be in you when I did it at your 
 request. Tain t anything any woman would go into if 
 she wuz let alone. " 
 
 " And then think of the thrashers and silo fillers comin 
 in hungry as bears, what would they say? No dinner 
 cookin and I on a pedestal, why it would be the town s 
 talk. Or you comin home from Jonesville on a cold 
 night fraxious as a dog and sayin you should die off if 
 you didn t have supper in ten minutes. How could I 
 git it on time perched up there ? 
 
 " I say it can t be done, and it is onreasonable for men 
 to want it, and at the same time want wimmen to do her 
 own housework. For these men, every one on em, would 
 act like fury if their house wuzn t clean and their clothes 
 in order, and meals on time. And you must know it would 
 jest about kill a woman to be doin all this and histin 
 herself up and down a hundred times a day, and mebby 
 half dead with rumatiz too. Why, it would be worse for 
 me than all the rest of my work, and you hadn t ort to 
 ask it of me." 
 
 Josiah looked real huffy and sez, " I hain t the only 
 man that s wantin it done; men have always been sot 
 on it. There s been more n a wagon load of poetry writ 
 on it and you know it. Men have always said a sight 
 about it, I hain t alone in it," he snapped out. 
 
160 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " No," sez I honestly, "I ve hearn it before. But you 
 see it wouldn t work, don t you? And I believe I could 
 convince every man if I could git to em and talk it over 
 with em. And I don t see where the beauty on t would 
 come in; of course a woman couldn t change her clothes 
 and put on Greek drapery right in the midst of cleanin 
 the buttery shelves or moppin off the back steps. And 
 to see a woman standin up on a pedestal with an old 
 calico dress pinned up round her waist and a slat sun- 
 bunnet on and her pardner s rubber boots, and her sleeves 
 rolled up, and her face red as blood with hard work, and 
 her hands all swelled up with hot soap suds and lye, 
 what beauty would there be in it! It always did seem 
 onreasonable besides bein so tuckerin no woman could 
 stand it for a day." 
 
 He looked mad as a hen and sez he, They could man 
 age it if their minds wuz strong enough." 
 
 Sez I, "It seems to me it would depend more on the 
 strength of their legs, specially if the pedestal wuz a 
 high one. I never could git up onto it at all if I should 
 go into it without gittin up on a chair and then on a 
 table. No woman no matter how strong she wuz could 
 git more than two meals a day under the circumstances. 
 
 Josiah looked worried and sez, " Well, mebby there 
 has been too much said about it, mebby it would be jest 
 as well to leave pedestals to statters." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 161 
 
 And I sez, "It is as well agin. Wimmen couldn t 
 stand it with all they have to do. 
 
 And so we ended by bein real congenial in our 
 two minds and thinkin considerable alike, which is in 
 deed a comfort to pardners. And we read our chapter 
 in the Bible and had family prayers jest as we do to 
 home. For I would not leave off all the good old habits of 
 my life because my body wuz moved round a little. And 
 we had a good night s rest and sot out in good season 
 the next mornin for the Exposition. 
 
 The next mornin grandpa Huff said to the breakfast 
 table that he did wish he had someone to read to him 
 that day, everybody wuz goin to the Fair and he wuz 
 goin to be left alone. So Blandina, clever creeter that 
 she is, said she would stay and read to him from his 
 favorite volume, Foxe s Book of Martyr s, and also from 
 Lamentations and Job. Billy said his grandpa wuz never 
 happy only when he wuz perfectly miserable. We have 
 all seen such folks. 
 
 So Josiah and I sot off alone, and he bein in good 
 sperits and bein gin to new and strange projects, pro 
 posed that we should take an ortomobile. I didn t favor 
 the idee and said : 
 
 " Id no about it, Josiah, I feel kinder skairful about 
 ortos, I fear that it might prove our last ride." 
 
 "But," sez he, "with a good shuffler there hain t 
 any danger." 
 
162 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 But I still wuz dubersome and sez, " Mebby it would 
 end by our. shufflin off our mortal coils, as Mr. Shake 
 speare tells on." 
 
 " You don t wear em, Samantha, nor never did, nor I 
 don t wear a pompodoor " (he meant this for a joke for 
 his head is most as bare as a sass plate) . 
 
 And he went on, It would be a very stylish -and gen 
 teel ride. I d love to tell brother Gowdey about it. The 
 bretheren will expect it of me as a live progressive Jones- 
 villian minglin here with the noblest in the land to cut 
 sunthin of a dash. 
 
 But seein that I still looked dubersome he sez, " I 
 don t feel very rugged this mornin and I dread the 
 crowded car; Id no but I should faint away in em if I 
 sot out." 
 
 That of course settled the matter. As his anxious 
 chaperone I consented to the project and he went and 
 got the showiest one he could find. He didn t look for 
 character or stability, only for gildin and red paint. 
 And we embarked, Josiah with a proud liniment, as if 
 he wuz introducin me into gay life and fashionable 
 amusements. The man wuz to take us to the Fair ground 
 for so much, and Josiah feelin so neat had paid him in 
 advance, and there wuz another party waitin for him. 
 And the speed that shuffler put on wuz sunthin awful. 
 The first few minutes before we got to goin that ter- 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 163 
 
 rific speed Josiah liked it, and seemed to look patroniz- 
 in ly down on the people walkin afoot that we passed by 
 and pity em. But anon the man got to goin faster and 
 faster and Josiah s liniment underwent a change and he 
 hollered out to me, for the noise wuz so loud and skair- 
 f ul he had to yell : 
 
 " Samantha, I don t believe it is right for members of 
 the meetin house to be goin at such a gait." 
 
 And I hollered back to him, " It hain t none of my 
 doin s, it hain t nothin I wanted," I a hangin onto my 
 bunnet strings and tryin to keep my bunnet on. As for 
 the tabs of my mantilly I had gin up tryin to curb em 
 down, and they waved out like a pirate s flag in a cyclone 
 only a different color. 
 
 Finally Josiah hollered to the shuffler, " I want you 
 to curb in your machine! I m a deacon, and have got my 
 station in the Jonesville meetin house to think on. Hold 
 it in, I say! " 
 
 The shuffler glanced round at us as calm as a goggle- 
 eyed clam and never dained to answer, and seemin ly 
 urged on the orto to redoubled speed. 
 
 Oh, the awfulness of the seen! the terrific noise soundin 
 on my ear pans till it seemed as if them pans must break 
 down, the dirt a flyin , my pardner standin up with his 
 whiskers and coat tails wavin in the breeze. His hat 
 blowed off and by almost superhuman exertions I ketched 
 
164 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 it and carried it in my hand, thinkin it wuz safer than 
 on his head. 
 
 He a yellin , " Stop, I tell you! Whoa! back up! Dum 
 your dum picter, whoa I say! 
 
 For the last few milds Josiah rid standin all I could 
 do and say. Yellin at the shuffler, hollerin whoa to 
 him, and appealin to Heaven and me simultaneous as it 
 
 were, for mercy 
 and succor. 
 
 And that 
 shuffler payin 7 
 no more atten 
 tion to him than 
 as if he wuz a fly, 
 not a hoss fly, 
 but jest a com 
 mon fly. Only he would look back at us once in awhile 
 through them big goggles of hisen that most curdled my 
 blood to see em. 
 
 At last Josiah, seemin to give up all hope, sunk back 
 and grasped holt of my tab and sez, " Good-bye, Saman 
 tha, if you git through alive remember I died try in to 
 save you." His emotions and the dirt choked him, and 
 he faintly added: 
 
 i l Tell the bretheren and see that it is put in the Jones- 
 ville Augur, that I died a hero s death tryin to save my 
 
 SVu* 
 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 165 
 
 pardner." And his grasp on my tabs become almost 
 hysterical. 
 
 But at that minute the entrance gate wuz reached and 
 the orto stopped so abruptly, that Josiah who had got up 
 agin, wuz precipitated into my lap. But he got out im- 
 megiately, and the minute he and I stepped onto terry 
 firmy he turned and shook his fist at the man and sez he, 
 " If it wuzn t for the crowd and Samantha s feelin s, I 
 would whip you within an inch of your life! Oh, if I 
 only had you in a ten acre lot you d feel the wrath of a 
 lion when it wuz rousted up ! 
 
 But I laid my hand on him and led him away, I knowed 
 such seens wuz bad for his nerve. He trembled like a 
 popple leaf, and the minute we got through the gate I 
 had to set down with him and deal out four nut-cakes 
 before he wuz himself agin. 
 
 I wuz determined this day to go to the Palace of Fine 
 Arts, so we did and I put in a time of almost perfect 
 happiness there. We went into Government Building 
 entrance that day, and I proposed to Josiah that we 
 should stop at Liberal Arts Building on the way, and he 
 at first demurred and sez: 
 
 " Samantha, you re too liberal by half now for folks 
 with our means and Id no as I want you to spend your 
 time in such a display. He said he would ruther take me 
 to the display of Economics, and sez he, wantin to per- 
 
166 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 suade me to go with him, " Wimmen has countless vir 
 tues, but to my mind her crownin excelence is to be equi- 
 nomical. 
 
 But I explained to him that exhibit didn t mean bein 
 liberal with money but it wuz jest a step behind Fine 
 Arts, and sez I, " I should think you would want to see 
 the place where this Exposition wuz dedicated in the pres 
 ence of one of the biggest crowds that wuz ever gath 
 ered together. " 
 
 So we stopped there a little while, and could have spent 
 days there with interest and profit. The foreign coun 
 tries have splendid exhibits here as well as our own. 
 
 Everything in typography and books, everything pos 
 sible in photography; models of light-houses; dams; geo 
 graphical maps; Egyptian, Hebrew and Imperial surveys. 
 Scientific demonstrations in liquid hydrogen and that 
 queer substance, radium. 
 
 I wuz dretfully interested in that wonderful new dis 
 covery and sez I to myself as I looked at it, " As little 
 as there is of you there is enough to overturn big systems 
 of science and philosophy, and begin a new history of the 
 inside of the world. I wuz glad my sect had discovered 
 this and thought it wuz one of the best things she had 
 done in a number of years. 
 
 And there wuz all kinds of hygienic displays, chemical 
 and engineering works. China had a dretful mterestin 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 167 
 
 exhibit, ancient manuscripts, books published thousands 
 of years before our kind of type wuz invented. Weapons 
 that wuz old when Mr. Confucious wuz livin . Armor, 
 costumes, musical instruments, queer lookin things them 
 wuz as I ever see and nothin I would want to play on. 
 Photo engineering, electrotyping, lithography, typewrit 
 ing; telescopes of all kinds from tiny ones up to ones 
 that weigh four thousand pounds. The latest medical 
 and surgical instruments. The piano from the first one 
 made up to the present automatic instruments of all 
 kinds; stringed instruments, church organs; displays in 
 civil and military engineering; machinery for making 
 good roads ; rock crushers, water purifying, and so on and 
 so on and so on. 
 
 The time spent in this buildin is full of education as 
 well as interest. There wuz some beautiful statutes too 
 decoratin this building most on em I wuz proud to see 
 wuz figgers of my own sect. 
 
 But having sot out for the Palace of Fine Arts we anon 
 wended our way thither. It is a beautiful building, or 
 ruther there are four massive buildings connected to 
 gether to form this Palace of Art. There are three big 
 buildings in front and an annex, the central building 
 built of stone and brick is the only permanent buildin 
 in this enormous Exposition so naturally they would 
 make it as perfect as possible. 
 
168 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 And it is crowded full of beauty. In fact turn where 
 you would you would see such glowing landscapes, such 
 beautiful faces, such perfect sculpture that you git all 
 mixed up, and when you thought it over you couldn t 
 remember whether some picture or statute that stood out 
 in your memory wuz in the U. S. exhibit or the French, 
 or German, or Italian, or etc., etc. 
 
 In lookin back and thinkin on t and tryin to git em 
 in the right place in your mind it is as difficult as it would 
 be in walking through a big clover meadow and tryin 
 to sort out the clover blossoms and describe em one by 
 one and tell in jest what corner of the lot you found em. 
 It can t be done; in such an immense field of art your 
 brain sort o fills up and turns round and round and you 
 git mixed. But as I say some of the pictures and statutes 
 stayed in my memory so I couldn t dislodge em and 
 don t want to, no indeed! 
 
 Now there are three noble figgers at the entrance that 
 you can t forgit. Inspiration standin up above the main 
 entrance is jest where she should be. Inspiration, breath 
 of the Most High breathed into some of His children 
 below anon or oftener, and then on each side is Truth and 
 Nature. Nature, the kind All Mother, Truth, the divine 
 one. How sweet to find em all there together guardin 
 and consecratin these walls. You went in feelin safer 
 with such gardeens at the portal. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 169 
 
 I must say though that Truth didn t have any clothes 
 on, she wuz jest settin there on top of the world jest as 
 naked as she could be, she could have wore one of my bib 
 aprons as well as not, durin the Fair anyway, whilst 
 there wuz so many folks round and she would have looked 
 enough sight better to me and been jest as truthful. But 
 howsumever I knew she wuz likely, her face wuz innocent 
 and beautiful. 
 
 As I said it is some of the pictures and statutes that 
 stand out clearest in my memory, but there wuz every 
 thing else there admirable and choice in art, paintings 
 in oil, wax; on canvas, wood, enamel, metal, fresco paint 
 ings on walls and ceilings. Water colors, chalk, pastel, 
 ivory, pyrography. Engravings, etchings, figgers in mar 
 ble, metal, plaster. Carvings in ivory, stone, wood, etc. 
 Architectural designs of all kinds; mosaics; art work in 
 glass, earthen ware, leather, metal; artistic book binding 
 and etc., etc., etc., and I might spread these out into 
 volumes. 
 
 And didn t my soul jest spread her wings here in de 
 light, to speak in flowery language. What pictures of 
 beauty dawned on my rapt eyesight, faces sweet as wuz 
 ever dremp on, sad faces, tragic faces, old faces and young 
 faces; children sweet and bonny as wuz ever seen. Youth 
 and love, age and manhood and gratified ambition, 
 princes and paupers, life and death. 
 
170 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Landscapes full of the dewy freshness and joy of the 
 morning, night seens dark and full of mystery and melan 
 choly. Mountain and valley, hill and dale, ocean and 
 rivulet. Every phase of human joy and sorrow wuz de- 
 pictered there, and every phase of peaceful and warlike 
 life. It wuz a sight. If I could stayed there a year right 
 in them walls I might have got round mebby and seen 
 what I wanted to and as long as I wanted to. 
 
 But of course this wuzn t to be, for one thing the Fair 
 would be closed before and then Josiah wouldn t gin his 
 consent anyway. He got kinder worrisome as it wuz and 
 didn t want to stay so long as we did, and after a hour or 
 so I compromised with him, gin him nut cakes occasion 
 ally and anon when we would enter a new gallery he 
 would set down by the door till I had got through lookin . 
 
 As I said some of the pictures and statutes clung to my 
 memory as if they d been throwed at my mind so power 
 ful that they jest stuck there and couldn t be dislodged 
 even by all the later multitude of sights throwed over em. 
 
 There wuz one by Whistler full of the subtle mystery 
 that he wrops round his figgers. Why you know he has 
 painted one that to them that are sympathetic, the Little 
 Lady in Black, will walk right out of the picture and come 
 towards em, time and agin she s done it, I m tellin the 
 truth that can be proved. 
 
 In the t Mystery of the Night, the female figger dimly 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 171 
 
 discerned through the veil of mist seems the incarnation 
 of the mystery of sky and sea, the infinite solemnity, and 
 peace and loneliness of the night. 
 
 There wuz pictures that made you happy, and some 
 that sort o sent a chill to your sperit, like Millais " Chill 
 October, " as you looked at it you almost felt the chill, 
 mournful breeze that you knew wuz sweepin along. 
 
 Some queer pictures like the " Ghost Dance " kinder 
 lingered in the vestibule of your mind. You know your 
 mind has got more different rooms in it than any house 
 that wuz ever built, and some pictures and folks don t git 
 into the very inmost rooms; they never git furder than 
 the doorstep. 
 
 There are three pictures by the King and Queen of Por 
 tugal, all on em picturin humble life. The King s show 
 a peasant drivin cattle to water. I wondered if he didn t 
 wish, when he painted it, that he wuz that care-free 
 herder, who could sing and whistle and wear easy shues, 
 and throw on any old clothes, and santer out into the 
 dewy mornin and do as he wanted to. 
 
 One of the Queen s wuz a farm wagon, such as they 
 carry farm produce in, but sometimes I spoze load up with 
 merry girls and boys for a happy outing in the green 
 woods. 
 
 I shouldn t wonder if when she wuz dead tired of the 
 cares, formalities and burdens of a queen, she wished 
 
172 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 she wuz one of them happy young girls riding off in a 
 cotton frock on the old farm wagon into some joyous 
 picnic. 
 
 The other one of hern wuz a cute little donkey and over 
 all on em wuz bright sunlight and soft shadow. They 
 done well. I wished I could encouraged em by tellin 
 em so a word of praise sometimes duz so much good, 
 to anybody from peasant to king. 
 
 Among the statutes that I see to the Fair that stood up 
 straight in my mind wuz Light and Darkness. Darkness 
 wuz in the form of two men, one on em crouched low with 
 his arm over his face drawin his mantle to hide from the 
 light. The other male is liftin his head but his eyes are 
 still shot, evidently he feels the dawn of sunthin better 
 and he s waking up, while standin erect is the graceful 
 figger of a female, beautiful and noble, full of boundin 
 life and light, holdin up high over her head a star. She 
 wants to wake up the hull world to the light. 
 
 Dakota wuz pictured as a lady with precious few clothes 
 on; she looked old in her face, and I told Josiah it wuz a 
 shame to see a woman that age with such a low-necked 
 dress on. It wuz cut down to the bottom of her waist, 
 And lots of the men staters wuz wearin low necks. I 
 didn t like it, but Josiah remarked that he d always said: 
 
 i A vest and coat cut low neck would make a man look 
 dressy, and he believed he should have one made foi 
 best." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 173 
 
 I looked coldly at him and said it looked bad enough 
 to see young folks dress in that way without old folks cut- 
 tin up and actin . 
 
 Lots of the statutes would looked as well agin if they d 
 had me to advise em about their clothes, but still take 
 the pictures and statutes of the Fair as a hull they re 
 magnificent and a honor to the nations. There are a 
 thousand statutes, all beautiful and inspirin , to be seen 
 there on the Exposition grounds. 
 
 I wuz glad to see the statute of Dr. Jenner, who dis 
 covered vaccination, tryin it first on his own son. When 
 it is the law for doctors to try their medicine first on 
 their own folks, miseelaneous patients will feel safer. 
 Dr. Jenner acted honorable toward humanity at large. 
 I told Josiah I hoped the boy got along well and didn t 
 git hit on the arm while it wuz sore. 
 
 And he said, " I wouldn t worry over folks I never 
 neighbored with, and I d better tend to my own com 
 panion, who wuz starvin slowly by my side. 
 
 He couldn t been so very hungry havin eat so many 
 nut-cakes since breakfast, but I dealt out some more to 
 him. 
 
 Well, we stayed in the Art Gallery a long time, so long 
 that Josiah complained bitterly and sez, If you stay as 
 long in every buildin when will we git round to see the 
 Pike? " Truly Josiah longed for that place day by day, 
 
174 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 but as first chaperone of the party I tried to delay him 
 from goin , knowin that it must come sometime but 
 gladly puttin off the day. 
 
 But I sez soothingly, " I shan t want to stay so long at 
 any other place. " And it bein past our lunch time we 
 went and had a good meal, and of course Josiah s cross 
 ness subsided with every mouthful he took and his lini 
 ment looked like a cosset lamb s in amiability when I pro 
 posed we should go to the Fishery Building it wuzn t 
 so very fur from there considering though as I have said 
 before every place is a good ways off from anywhere else. 
 You d have knowed the buildin by the great fish that 
 wuz sculped over the entrance. It wuz a bigger fish 
 than wuz ever lied about in male fish stories, and that s 
 sayin enough; connected with this is also an exhibit of 
 forestry and game. We went into the part devoted to 
 forestry first, there are several acres outdoors as well 
 as inside devoted to this display, and what didn t we see 
 there in trees, plants, woods of every kind, forest growth 
 tree planting, all sorts of useful wood, pine, spruce, hem 
 lock, cedar, all the hard woods, and everything made of 
 wood; wood pulp, barrels, baskets, turpentine, alcohol. 
 
 In the United States exhibit wuz immense pictures illus 
 trating our forests, methods of lumbering, lumber camps, 
 forest fires, etc., etc. There wuz displays of different 
 species of trees and plants, forest botany, structure and 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 175 
 
 anatomy of woods, saw-mills, seeds and plants of all kinds, 
 and all the different woods and products of wood from 
 Egypt to Japan, barks, roots, cork, rubber, gums, oils, 
 quinine, camphor, varnish, wax, dye-woods, lumber, 
 staves, why there wuz over two hundred different kinds 
 of wood from Argentina alone. 
 
 Josiah, who wuz real interested here, sez, " I d love to 
 have brother Gowdey step in here a minute; he s proud 
 as a peacock of his strip of woodland, he thought he 
 covered the hull field of forestry with his wood pulp 
 and maple sugar. I guess his pride would be took down 
 a little." 
 
 " Well," sez I, " let s look on it as showin the great 
 ness and wonder of Providence and be humble and ad 
 mire. 
 
 " I shall look at it as I m a minter! " he sez. But I 
 guess he wuz more reverential for a spell. 
 
 And there wuz all the plants and leaves used in medi 
 cine, and mushrooms, truffles, seeds and plants and im 
 plements for gathering and preserving; drying houses, 
 nurseries, basket work, grass work. It seemed as if every 
 thing that could be known about trees and plants could 
 be learnt here, and though we knowed we hadn t time 
 or convenience to take all the knowledge in, no, our heads 
 wuzn t big enough, but they felt crowded full as we left 
 this buildin . And that I felt wuz the crowmn glory 
 
176 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 of this fair, the new idees and knowledge of better ways 
 and things that wuz learnt in all these exhibits, and wuz 
 destined in the future to bear fruit and bless the world. 
 
 In the Fishery department we see all the products of 
 the great water world that makes up more than half of 
 our earth. Every kind of fish that ever swum, from a 
 whale to a minnie, salt water and fresh water fish, and 
 them that are half fish and half animal, and aquatic birds 
 and aquatic plants of all kinds, and plants that seem half 
 way between vegetable and animal. Sea grass, shells of 
 all kinds, pearls, pearl-shells, corals, sponges, skins and 
 furs, illustrations, paintings and casts illustrating water 
 life of all kinds, fishing grounds. All kinds of boats, 
 nets, traps, rods, reels, lines, fish curing establishments, 
 aquariums, and so and so on and so on, and I might write 
 them " so ons," indefinitely but what would be the use? 
 
 Jest imagine everything that is discovered and brought 
 to light by them that go down to the sea in ships and 
 there it wuz. 
 
CHAPTER X 
 
 EST of the forestry buildin growin right out 
 of the ground is a immense map of the 
 United States covering five acres of ground, 
 gravel walks mark the State and coast lines, 
 and each State is sot out in its own native flowers. 
 
 There it wuz, you could look right down onto it jest 
 like a map, from the rocky shores of Maine down to 
 Florida. 
 
 Josiah wuz simply infatuated with the sight and I 
 myself thought it wuz a great idee and I sez: 
 
 * Josiah, this is a plan worthy of Uncle Sam to immor 
 talize what is dearest to him in living colors. 
 
 " Yes, indeed! " sez he, and after a minute s thought 
 he added, " Others can f oiler suit and set them that are 
 dearest to em out-doors. If I live till another spring, 
 Samantha," sez he firmly, " I will set you out in the 
 paster. The dooryard would be too small to do justice 
 to you. Ury and I will plant you in the middle of the 
 ten acre lot." 
 
 I wuz touched by the tenderness underlyin the idee, 
 but sez I, " Have you counted the cost, Josiah? " 
 
 " I know it will cost, you re hefty and big boneded and 
 
178 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 I d want you heroic size, but we needn t have your hull 
 frame made in posies, I could plant you in different seeds 
 and raise you like a crop, and sell you in the fall. Beans 
 would look well in different colors." 
 
 He see my look of cold irony as he spoke of sellin me, 
 and added, " Or I could set you out mostly in pusley 
 if you d ruther, the garden is full of it." 
 
 " I shall never be sot out in pusley, Josiah Allen, I 
 always hated it. The hull thing is as crazy as anything 
 you ever undertook." 
 
 " Crazy or not it will be did; summer squash would 
 look well and be equinomical, I could probable train em 
 so you d seem to be holdin the squashes in your arms." 
 
 " Give up the hull skeem, Josiah Allen; don t try to 
 combine love and economy so clost." 
 
 But he vowed he wouldn t give it up, and I spoze I may 
 see trouble weanin him from the idee. 
 
 That night whilst I wuz restin a little in my room 
 after supper, Josiah havin stayed down in the parlor 
 a spell talkin to granpa Huff and Billy, Blandina come 
 into my room. She wuz all fagged out, but under the 
 fag you could see that expression of perennial good na 
 ture and love to man. 
 
 She said she d been readin all day to grandpa Huff 
 and as near as I could make out he d kep her right down 
 to them blood-curdlin chapters where they fried 1 the 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 179 
 
 martyrs in ile and briled em on grid-irons. She looked 
 dretful tired and I told her I wouldn t gin in and read 
 such stuff all day. 
 
 But she said Mr. Huff wuz anxious to hear it and she 
 wuz perfectly willin and more than willin to please 
 him, for sez she smilin in a queer sort of a way and sort 
 o bridlin a little, "I m anxious to do anything for him 
 I can because I love him devotedly." 
 
 I wuz fairly stunted. Love him ? sez I, i why how 
 long ago wuz it that you loved his grandchild passion 
 ately? Why," sez I, " Blandina, you seem to rob the 
 cradle and the grave for objects of affection. 
 
 " Yes, I did love Billy with perfect devotion till I 
 found that my affection wuz driven back like a dove 
 from the rest it fain would made in his youthful heart, 
 and now it has settled down upon his grandpa s bosom. 
 Mr. Huff needs a companion, Aunt Samantha. He needs 
 a tender female companion to journey by his side over 
 the rough pathway of life. And, oh, I do feel that this 
 world is a cold rough place and my heart, like that wan- 
 derin dove I spoke on, sithes to find rest." 
 
 Well," sez I reasonably, " mebby a dove would be 
 safe to rest on grandpa Huff, but I don t believe he could 
 stand the weight of a hen. Why, he s ninety if he s a 
 day, Blandina." 
 
 She didn t reply but sot lookin mournful but clever, 
 and agin she sez, " This is a cold world." 
 
180 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " Not here it hain t, not in St. Louis," sez I, wipin 
 my heated forward, but she went on: 
 
 " My heart has gone out to him without any will of 
 my own. I feel that he has the makin of a noble man 
 in him." 
 
 And I sez, " I guess he s made about all he can be on 
 this spear." But seein her mournful looks I added, 
 " You re a clever critter, Blandina, that s what s the 
 matter with you, you re so good hearted you mistake 
 good nater and pity for love more n half the time. I 
 don t believe," sez I feelin ly, " I ever see a cleverer 
 creeter than you. are." And I meant it, every word I 
 said. 
 
 But she repeated agin, " I love him, Aunt Samantha, 
 with a pure, deep devotion. 
 
 " Well," sez I, " if I wuz in your place I would take 
 a little catnip tea and go to bed. I ll steep some for you 
 over my alcohol lamp." I knowed it wuz her good nater 
 and her nerves that wuz wrought up instead of her heart, 
 though catnip is good for the heart for all I know. She d 
 got all nerved up readin them dretful things and felt 
 queer, I wuz sorry for Blandina to think she wuz so very 
 sensitive to masculine influence. She refused the catnip 
 tea but took the other half of my advice and went to 
 bed, and I sez to myself, I declare I don t know what 
 the good nater of that creeter will lead her into and I 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 181 
 
 most wished she wuz back in Jonesville where that trait 
 of hern wouldn t have so much room for showin off and 
 so many objects to practice on, but I felt safe about 
 grandpa Huff, for I knowed that even if he d been strong 
 enough to stand up to be married, his grandchildren and 
 great-grandchildren wouldn t let him. 
 
 Well, the next morning Molly come, havin arrived on 
 a sleeper. I welcomed her warmly. She s a sweet girl, 
 with big eyes soft and brown as the shallers in our trout 
 brook and a shadder in em now some like the dark places 
 where the deep water is. Hair about the same color, 
 done up in a shinin coil on the top of her head, but where 
 it would git loose a little kinder curlin and crinklin 
 about her white forward and round white neck. A sweet 
 sad expression on her lips, cheeks white as snow now 
 but meant to be pink and a pretty plump figger. She wuz 
 very beautiful and called so by good judges. 
 
 And I wuzn t surprised that Billy Huff fell immegi- 
 ately and voylently in love with her to his own discom 
 fiture and the great enrichment of them that sold per 
 fumery and hair-oil. But I knowed it wouldn t hurt him 
 any, it wuz only a new face to hang up for the present 
 in the gallery of a boy s Fancy. Aunt Tryphena fairly 
 worshipped her. She immegiately rose to the top place 
 in her gallery of perfect beings. Nothing wuz too good 
 for her, no service she could render her wuz too hard, 
 
182 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 she almost soared up to that pinnacle on which her Prince 
 Arthur dwelt. Dotie became her willin adorer and Miss 
 Huff couldn t do enough for her. 
 
 But to resoom backward a little. Molly didn t want 
 to go to the Fair ground that morning, wantin to rest 
 and recooperate, so Josiah, Blandina and I sot forth a 
 little later than common. There wuz a stoppage of the 
 cars some ways from the gate and we got out and walked 
 thinkin we d git there quicker, Josiah started to step off 
 first when Blandina rushed past him, waved him back, 
 and descended herself right into the midst of horses 
 heads and huffs and yells and profanity from two drivers 
 who wuz stoppin the way and wuz revilin each other, 
 and after we got safe onto the sidewalk and wuz walkin 
 along I sez to her: 
 
 " You ort to be more careful, Blandina, or you ll find 
 yourself killed some day and trompled on, I wuz skairt 
 for you." 
 
 " Oh, I didn t think about myself, I wuz only thinkin 
 of savin dear uncle Josiah, it wuzn t so much matter 
 about me. A woman s life you know is not worth any 
 thing compared to a man s." 
 
 " Oh, shaw! " I sez, I wuz driv to it, and I sez it agin, 
 " Oh, shaw! " 
 
 " Why, Aunt Samantha, you know it has been decided 
 that that is so. It has been settled by law that a female s 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 183 
 
 life is worth only half as much as a man s. Don t you 
 remember last spring in Brooklyn it wuz settled once for 
 all that a female child s life wuzn t worth only half as 
 much as a male child! 
 
 Sez I, " I remember a man s saying so, I don t remem 
 ber it wuz proved; I myself thought it wuz about as 
 hefty a thing as a judge ever undertook to try to set a 
 value on two human lives with all their glorious and ter 
 rible possibilities, and," sez I, eppisodin a little but 
 walkin along all the time, " how did that man know but 
 the soul of a Florence Nightingale would wake up in 
 that girl and bless the world for all time! And how did 
 he know but the boy would prove a Benedict Arnold or 
 a Guiteau? An evil influence to curse the world forever. 
 It wuz a hefty job, and if Josiah had been judge I 
 wouldn t let him undertook it, or if he had I d had him 
 set an equal value on what God and nater and human 
 affection had made equal." 
 
 " Well, well," sez Josiah, " le ss git along unless you 
 want to stay here and preach all day on the sidewalk." 
 
 " But," sez I, "I m not preachin , Josiah, I m eppi 
 sodin ." 
 
 1 Well, there is a time for eppisodin and a time for 
 common sense, and le ss git along." 
 
 He acted real grumpy, I guess he d thought more on 
 me, if I had pretended I thought his life wuz worth double 
 
184 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 mine. But I wouldn t say I thought so not even for 
 love s sake. And mebby he squirmed because I said I 
 would have him do thus and so. Men are so queer! you 
 can t always tell jest where the shue pinches, but you 
 know by their actin and behavin that it pinches some 
 where. 
 
 But Blandina sez, evidently reconnoitering the past 
 seen in her memory, No livin bein will ever make me 
 think a man s life is not worth more than a woman s." 
 Well, she felt so and I couldn t make her over at this 
 late day, she d been made too long, so Common Sense, 
 with whom I always try to be on the most intimate terms, 
 told me I hadn t better multiply any more words with 
 her. Josiah s liniment wuz some clouded till his mind 
 wuz took up by seein some horses with hats on which 
 truly wuz needed in that torrid heat, and he forgot his 
 temporary shagrin in visions of the future. 
 
 Sez he, " The first work I do when I git home will be 
 to git a hat for the old mair; I won t have to buy one, 
 Tirzah Ann s last summer hat will be jest the thing. 
 You know that one trimmed with red roses and shiffon 
 and long lace streamers. Your hats ain t dressy enough; 
 why the old mair hain t quite twenty-one, hain t old 
 enough to vote even if her sect had the privelige. She s 
 young and ort to dress young. That hat will be jest the 
 thing. And what a sensation we will make enterin 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 185 
 
 Jonesville on a Sunday mornin , the mair, myself and 
 you, we shall attract world-wide attention. " But that 
 minute we got to the gate and entered in. I never shall 
 ride after the mair with a hat on, and pink roses and 
 long lace streamers, never. But didn t argey about it. 
 
 Well, Josiah couldn t be held off any longer, he would 
 go to the Pike that mornin ; I told him it wuzn t writ 
 in my pad. 
 
 And he sez, " Dum that pad! Am I goin to be held in 
 by that pad, and led round by it all summer? I m goin 
 to the Pike to-day and you can do as you re a minter." 
 And Blandina jined in of course and said that if dear 
 Uncle Josiah s mind wuz sot on it it wuz best to go, and 
 she sez kinder low to me, " it wuzn t right to cross a 
 man unless it wuz absolutely necessary." 
 
 I wuz goin to twit her and tell her that as first chap- 
 erone I wuz the one to settle these matters, but I see 
 Josiah wuz gittin too agitated, one look at his gloomy 
 face made me think of the past, and I gin in as gracefully 
 as I could, and we wended our way thither with no more 
 parley, and Josiah, as soon as our heads wuz turned that 
 way, begun to brighten up and look better, and so about 
 one-half of my mind and sperit wuz satisfied. And some 
 times I think you can t be satisfied any more than that on 
 this spear wherever you go, and whatever you see, speci 
 ally if you have a man to deal with that is more or less 
 
186 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 fraxious and worrisome. To ease his nr.nd and temper 
 you ll git led into strange and devious paths time and 
 agin. 
 
 But to resoom forward. The Four Cowboys on a Tear 
 guardin the entrance to the Pike confronted us and in 
 their wild and boysterous hilarity seemed to my agitated 
 and forebodin sperit to shadow forth what we would 
 find inside their domain. They wuz a strange and skair- 
 ful set, their clothes wuz rough and disheveled and so 
 wuz their linements. They all on em brandished aloft a 
 pistol, seemin to be on the lookout for someone to shoot. 
 Their horses wuz on the dead gallop and you knowed by 
 the expression on their faces jest what blood curdlin 
 yells wuz issuin from their throats. 
 
 Why, if you ll believe it they wuz goin at such a 
 gallopin prancin gait that the feet of one of their horses 
 never touched the ground, all four of his feet wuz gal 
 lopin through the air. Josiah sez as he looked at it: 
 
 " I would give a dollar bill to Ury in a minute if he 
 could learn the colt to do that trick, gallop along with 
 out his feet touchin the ground. Jest think what a sen 
 sation it would make to the Jonesville fair. The old 
 mair is too old of course to git the trick." 
 
 " Yes," sez I, " I guess her feet will never be lifted 
 altogether from the ground till they are turned up in 
 their last rest. But I wouldn t try, Josiah Allen, to imi- 
 
It is the big crowd that is surgin through the Pike to and fro, 
 fro and to. Page 187. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 187 
 
 tate that roarin and rakish set if I wuz in your place, 
 you a member of the meetin house. " 
 
 " Oh, keep throwin that meetin house in my face, I 
 should think you d git tired ont but don t spoze you 
 
 win." 
 
 And Blandina sez, " Oh, Aunt Samantha, don t be too 
 harsh on them happy young men, it is only their high 
 sperits. They would probable settle down and make the 
 best of husbands if they had a tender and loving com 
 panion. I wonder," sez she, " if they wuz took from 
 life and if they re here to the Fair I do so like the looks 
 of one on em, I believe we would be congenial. 
 
 I hurried em along, the one she pinted out had his 
 pistol raised the highest of the lot and he looked the most 
 rakish. 
 
 But you forgot the looks of the cow-boys as you stood 
 at the entrance and got a full view of the Pike. A per 
 fect flood of all the colors of the rainbow, and towers and 
 steeples and domes and crescents, and ornaments of all 
 kinds busts on your vision, and at the same time your 
 ear-pans are assailed by a noise like the sound of many 
 waters, it is the big crowd that is surgin through the 
 Pike to and fro, fro and to, and keep at it night and day. 
 
 The great crowd seen here all the time shows how much 
 the average human craves amusement and recreation. 
 For the Pike is the amusement street of the Exposition. 
 
188 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 And a bystander standin by told us that it extended a 
 mild and a half from the Lindel entrance where we en 
 tered clear up to the Skinker road. 
 
 What Skinker is that 1 sez Josiah to the man. Is 
 he any relation to the Skinkerses up in Zoar? Old Ethan 
 Skinker had a boy who come West. Most probable you Ve 
 seen him here; I know most every stranger that comes to 
 Jonesville. 
 
 " Where is Zoar? " sez the man, an uppish lookin 
 creeter, but sunk in ignorance, for when Josiah sez, " Zoar 
 is four milds from Jonesville," sez the man: 
 
 " Where is Jonesville? " 
 
 And Josiah sez to me, "I ll be jiggered, Samantha, if 
 this man at this age of the world don t know where Jones 
 ville is." 
 
 " Well," sez I coolly, " we hain t expected to civilize 
 all creation, Josiah." And as we had jest come to the 
 entrance of the Tyoleran Alps I wouldn t let Josiah stop 
 and parley with him any furder. He wuz kinder snicker- 
 in to himself, a ignorant onmannerly creeter. 
 
 I had told Josiah and he fell in with the idee to once 
 (he is clost) that we wouldn t try to see all the sights of 
 the Pike. But this bein the first one we come to we 
 thought we would enter and we found it wuz a highly 
 interestin spectacle. 
 
 There wuz lofty snow-crowned mountains, some on em 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 189 
 
 that seemed fur away, and some nigher by, a lake lyin 
 smooth and placid at their feet. Its shore wuz dotted 
 with trees, and little picturesque cottages nestled on its 
 banks. 
 
 Anon a large fair city spread out at the foot of the 
 serene mountains. Then you would come to an immense 
 castle, so nigh the mountain that it seemed to grow out 
 of it with its ivied walls and lofty towers pierced with 
 quaintly paned windows. Crowds of sightseers passin 
 in and out its lofty arched entrance and walking through 
 the grounds outside. 
 
 Another castle, handsomer yet, wuz the castle of Lin- 
 derhof, which stands in stately magnificence at the foot 
 of the mountain, but furder away from it. Kows of 
 clipped evergreens stand along its white terraces and 
 masses of foliage on each side. A white monument tow 
 ered up to the sky in the centre of its beautiful lawn in 
 front, and nigher by there wuz a big leapin fountain 
 guarded on each side by statutes of female wimmen re 
 clining at ease but seemin to have their eye on the hull 
 beautiful seen and tendin to things, as wimmen have to. 
 
 Then anon you would come to a little village with 
 pretty houses, mostly gables. There wuz a mountain tor 
 rent with several bridges over it that foamed and dashed 
 along through the quaint little place. Pretty girls in 
 their gay national costume accosted us from the verandas 
 anon or oftener wantin to sell sooveneers. 
 
190 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Josiah noticed the price they asked and hurried me 
 onwards. They wuz real pretty girls so I didn t mind 
 so much goin on (married wimmen will understand my 
 feelin s. We have to keep one eye out more or less). 
 
 There is a little chapel and below it cut from solid 
 rock is a statute of Andreas Hofer, victorious soldier, 
 lover of country, but like many another hero he had to 
 suffer martyrdom for it. But his grateful countrymen 
 keeps his memory green. I wuz glad to see it. 
 
 It wuz a pretty place: the lofty mountain side with 
 cow bells tinkling along the winding roads, the cool pretty 
 villages below, chimes sounding from high towers, the 
 peasants singing their national songs, the bands ringing 
 out their stirring melodies. And you could take a tram 
 car and go through some of the loveliest seens in the 
 Alps. We stayed there some time. 
 
 I have hearn since that them mountains wuz holler 
 and they keep beer and stimulants there, Id no how true 
 it is. But I sez, "If it is so it is symbolical of where 
 such stuff and its dealers will find themselves if they 
 don t repent, down in the dirt and the dark, keepin 
 company with the Prince of Darkness. But I didn t see 
 hide nor hair of any of em and don t know as there wuz 
 anything to see. 
 
 I kinder wanted to go into the Irish Village, and said 
 so; I remarked that you could buy Irish linen and lace 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 191 
 
 there right on the spot. But Josiah sez, thrustin his 
 portmoney deeper in his pocket, " Id no why we should 
 go in there, we hain t Irish." 
 
 But I sez, " Miss Huff said it wuz dretful interesting 
 Josiah, I d kinder like to see it." 
 
 But Josiah gin another deeper thrust to his portmoney 
 and must have strained his pocket and sez in terser, 
 hasher axents: 
 
 " We hain t Irish! " 
 
 And I sez kinder short, " Id no as we re Alps." But 
 I didn t argy there wuz so many folks round, wimmen 
 have to choke off time and agin and conceal their shag- 
 rin and their pardner s actin . 
 
 Miss Huff had told me a lot about it. She said they 
 had a real House of Parliament and you could drive in 
 jaunting cars through Lake Kilarney region and the rocky 
 road to Dublin that we ve all hearn about. 
 
 Blarney Castle is used here as a theatre with stirring 
 national plays going on and there is an Irish arch over 
 nine hundred years old, and in a village here is an Irish 
 national exhibit together with a Scotch display, laces, 
 linens, carpets, etc., and there is a gallery of famous Irish 
 beauties. She said it wuz as good as a visit to Ireland 
 to study the country and the looks and ways of the people. 
 
 But as I say, Josiah hurried me past the long, many 
 windowed front of the Irish Industrial Exhibit with its 
 
192 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 gay flags wavin out on top bagonin us to come in, past 
 the famous St. Lawrence gate, Droggeda, one of the most 
 famous relics in all Ireland, with its tall towers and its 
 noble archway filled with crowds of sightseers, for he 
 had seen right by the side of that gate a big roundin 
 entrance arch with the round world poised above it and 
 above the arch in letters as high as he wuz : 
 
 Under and Over the Sea. 
 
 And of course he wuz bound to indulge in that luxury. 
 And it wuz thrillin in the extreme though I stood it 
 better than he did. 
 
 The first thing you see is a submarine boat, you can 
 see this plain from the Pike and the passengers embarkin 
 on it, two hundred and fifty can be carried by this boat 
 at one time, and Josiah led us onto it with a excited lin- 
 ement, but he tried to look brave and fearless. 
 
 But the sights we see down there wuz enough to dis 
 may a man weighin far more than Josiah. You could 
 look right out of the boat on the dashin waves, water 
 above you and on every side and see the strange monsters 
 of the deep, and the queer marine growths and blossoms. 
 Imagine seem whales up over your head comin right 
 towards you, and Id no but there wuz leviathians, I guess 
 there wuz, they wuz big enough. 
 
 Anon you come to the river Seine in Paris and swoop 
 up to the top of Eiffel Tower. Blandina sez holdin onto 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 193 
 
 my tabs, " From the bowels of the earth up to the vaulted 
 heavings! 
 
 I said tabs, but I meant tab, for Josiah had holt of the 
 other with an almost frenzied grasp, and sez he, Where 
 will we go next, Samantha? 
 
 And I sez, " Id no, mebby to the moon or Mars." 
 
 And Blandina in trembling axents sez, " I wish I wuz 
 safe at Mars." 
 
 Her ma is old but got her faculties. And Josiah sez 
 with chatterin teeth and quaverin voice as he looked 
 down from the dizzy hite onto Paris, " If I git through 
 this alive I shall be glad to tell the brethren about it." 
 
 Far below us lay the illuminated city, for it wuz night, 
 and a beautiful seen but sort o melancholy. And sure 
 enough, as if to prove my words true, here at the very 
 top of the tower wuz an air-ship on which we took flight 
 through the boundless fields of air. Paris died on our 
 vision, then we floated over many cities and harbors, up 
 the English Channel, anon the lights of London are 
 passed and we are high up above the ocean. Weird and 
 wild is the seen, the moon comes up, black clouds rise, 
 and the voice of the winds is heard, then the rumbling of 
 thunder and the forked lightning darts its baleful glare 
 at us. 
 
 Josiah whispers, " Samantha, have you got on your 
 gold beads? " 
 
194 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 I wear em under my collar but most always take em 
 off in a thunder storm not wantin to be struck in my 
 
 
 neck. And I seen him furtively gittin ready to throw 
 away his jack-knife. But at that minute the storm calms 
 down and Josiah replaces his knife jest as we enter New 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 195 
 
 York harbor. A flight over sea and land, forest and 
 city, and we land agin at the Exposition. 
 
 As we disembarked Josiah grasped holt of my hand 
 ostensibly to help me but really in tender greeting, and 
 sez in fervid axents, " I wouldn t have you take that trip 
 alone, Samantha, without me with you to protect you, 
 not for worlds. " 
 
 No, sez Blandina, what would we have done with 
 out dear Uncle Josiah by our side? " 
 
 I didn t argy but felt that he wouldn t with his size 
 and weight made much headway agin them whales and 
 water monsters to say nothin of danger by drowndin 
 and fallin from the sky. But he felt neat and we wended 
 our way on. 
 
 Josiah said he didn t care about goin to Asia, and I 
 said it wuz a pity not to when we wuz so nigh, but he 
 kinder hurried me on. 
 
 I told him that the Streets of Seville interested me, for 
 it wuz planned by a woman, the only woman who ever 
 received a concession in a amusement street of a Exposi 
 tion. 
 
 And Josiah sez, " I shall spend my money on sun thin 
 of more importance; it probable all runs to crazy quilts 
 and tattin." 
 
 But it wuz no such thing, it wuz perfectly beautiful, 
 as I ve hearn folks say that have been there. But I see 
 
196 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 lie wuz beginnin to look kinder mauger, and as first 
 chaperone I sez anxiously, " Where do you want to go, 
 dear Josiah? Do you want to go to Hagenbecks Animal 
 Show? " 
 
 " No, I don t; I shall see animals enough when I git 
 home in my own barnyard. 7 
 
 " Well, do you want to go to the Hereafter, Josiah? 
 
 No, we shall git there all right if we keep on without 
 my payin out money. I told you I wuzn t goin to pay 
 to go in to all these places. 
 
 " Well, do you want to go to France or Ceylon or 
 Persia ? Or Cairo ? Or where do you want to go ? 
 
 Sez he, cross as a bear, 4 * I want to go where I can git 
 sunthin to eat." 
 
 And I sez, " Dear Josiah, I ve been so took up I forgot 
 your appetite; we will go to once." And havin heard 
 that good food could be got in Japan we hastened thither. 
 
CHAPTER XI. 
 
 E entered Fair Japan through a big gateway 
 a hundred feet high. It wuz called the 
 Temple of Kiko, it wuz all covered with 
 carvin and gold ornaments. And they 
 say it couldn t be made now of the same materials for a 
 million dollars. It would been magnificent lookin if it 
 hadn t been for what looked like serpents wreathin up 
 the pillars in front. I hate snakes! and they re the last 
 ornaments I would ever sculp over my front door. 
 
 Blandina said they wuz dragons, and mebby they wuz. 
 Tennyrate they wuz fastened to the pillars and didn t 
 offer to hurt us. We got quite a good meal, but queer, 
 in a tea-house on the borders of the lake. They had the 
 best tea I ever drinked. I asked em how long they 
 steeped it, and how much they put in for a drawin , but 
 they bein ignorant didn t seem to understand me. But 
 I enjoyed bein there, for whilst our inner men and wim- 
 men wuz bein refreshed our minds wuz enriched by this 
 real picture of life in Japan, for in there it is jest as 
 if we had traveled thousands of milds and wuz sot down 
 in the real Japan. 
 
 After the edge of Josiah s hunger wuz squenched he 
 
198 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 begun to look about him and praise up the looks of the 
 Geisha girls that wuz dancin or rather posterin in their 
 pretty modest way, and some on em playin on queer 
 lookin instruments that looked some like my carpet 
 sweeper. 
 
 These girl musicians wuz settin on the floor dressed 
 in what seemed to be gay colored night gowns, and they 
 looked well enough, kinder innocent and modest lookin . 
 But I told him it wuzn t becomin in a old man and a 
 professor to be so enthusiastick over young girls dancin 
 and playin . 
 
 And he sez, * Oh, well, fetch on your girl blinders and 
 I ll put em on. But till you git em for me and harness 
 me up in em I ve got to look round some." 
 
 But I told him there wuz enough for him to see be 
 sides girls and there wuz. For it beats all what long 
 strides the Japans have made in every branch of educa 
 tion and culture. If they keep on in the next century 
 as they have in this some of the so-called advanced na 
 tions will have to take a back seat and let this little 
 brown, polite people stand to the head. But then they 
 have been cultured for hundreds of years, though lots of 
 folks don t seem to know it. 
 
 But I am sorry to say it wuzn t the high art and cul 
 ture of Japan that Josiah wuz most interested in, but 
 the queer things, such as the strange stunted trees trained 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 199 
 
 into forms of men and animals hundreds of years old and 
 no higher than a common chair, and lots of em not so 
 high. And there wuz roosters with tails twenty-five feet 
 long. 
 
 Josiah said he wuz bound to git an egg and see if he 
 could hatch one. 
 
 And I sez, " Where would it roost? It s tail is long 
 agin as the hen house is high. 
 
 Well, he said in the summer it could roost on top of 
 the barn with its tail kinder hangin down and out over 
 the smoke house. 
 
 But it wuzn t a minute before his eyes wuz took up 
 with some images, some big ones covered with the most 
 exquisite carvin , down to them so small, if you ll be 
 lieve it, they wuz carved out of a single kernel of rice. 
 And there wuz gold fish and a hundred other kinds of 
 fishes, and you see there the common houses of the people 
 and people livin in them jest as they do in their own 
 country, and a royal palace, arched bridges, lanterns 
 hangin everywhere, pagodas, temples, lagoons with orna 
 mental boats, cascades, etc. All made a pretty picture, 
 though curious. 
 
 Then in Asakusa, a native village of Japan, is forty 
 stores and there you see the most beautiful display of 
 rugs, carved ivory and wood, porcelain, jewels, fans, 
 paintings, etc., and the workmen busy making em right 
 
200 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 before your eyes. And in the narrer streets jugglers, ac 
 robats, fortune tellers are giving their mysterious per 
 formances. There are bands of music, jinrikishaws with 
 men harnessed up in em, and you can ride in em if so 
 inclined. 
 
 There wuz quite a number of places on the Pike that we 
 passed that I kinder wanted to see, but Josiah wuzn t 
 willin to pay out too much money, and what interested 
 me most wuz the foreign countries that I had never had 
 a chance to see, they havin the misfortune to be so fur 
 from Jonesville. But when we got to the Chinese Village, 
 it had such a magnificent and showy front that Josiah 
 never made an objection to goin inside. 
 
 I wuz dretful glad to go there, you know it is nater to 
 want to do what you can t. And China has been so de 
 termined to keep Josiah and I and the world out of her 
 empire, I wuz glad enough to git in, and wuz real inter 
 ested lookin at them queer yeller pig-tailed little creeters 
 with dresses on, and their funny little houses. 
 
 There wuz a big Chinese theatre, and a Joss house 
 where they worship Joss, whoever he or she may be, I 
 wanted to have their religion explained to me, there wuz 
 a guide there to do it. 
 
 But Josiah said that as a deacon he wouldn t counten 
 ance it, for I might be led into idolatry. And when I 
 argued with him he whispered to me : 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 201 
 
 Samantha, if you insist on hangin round their meet- 
 in house here any longer I shall say out loud, By 
 Joss! " 
 
 At that fearful threat I started on, I wouldn t let him 
 demean himself before the heathen. 
 
 You can see here in this country, as in Japan, native 
 workers plyin their different trades, mechanics, painters, 
 jewelers, etc., etc. Silk weavers usin the same old, on- 
 handy looms they used centuries ago, ivory carvers f ash- 
 ionin elephants and other animals, and all on em tryin 
 to sell to us in their high-pitched voices. 
 
 I had quite a number of emotions here in China a 
 musin on the oldness and strangeness of their civiliza 
 tion, and wonderin if it would ever be merged into a 
 newer, fresher life. 
 
 Blandina didn t share my lofty emotions, she simpered 
 some and said, " I believe they would make lovely hus 
 bands if their eyes wuz sot in straighter and they dressed 
 different." 
 
 And I sez, " I wouldn t admire em in that capacity, 
 but after all they would be equinomical husbands. If 
 you had a calico dress kinder wore off round the bottom 
 you could cut it off and make em wear it, men s clothes 
 are so expensive it would be quite a savin . And you 
 could pass him off for the hired girl if strangers come on- 
 expected, though that is sun thin I wouldn t approve on, 
 
202 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 fur from it, a hauty sperit goes before a fall, as I told 
 Josiah once when lie got on a new kind of collar that held 
 his head up so high he fell over the wood-box." 
 
 But to resoom. The Chinese are curious lookin , but 
 equinomical, they can live on a few grains of rice a day, 
 and America owes em a debt of gratitude anyway for 
 tunnelin her Rocky Mountains, buildin her big rail 
 roads and diggin ditches to water the land and make it 
 beautiful that they re shet out of. 
 
 Blandina sez to me as we wended our way out, " No 
 man ort to be turned back out of this country." She 
 said the Chinee wuz good, industrious, equinomical and 
 peaceable. 
 
 And I sez, " Yes, they work well and don t go round 
 like some other foreigners with a chip on their shoulder. 
 * But, sez I, * Blandina, I will not tell the nation what 
 to do in this matter; there is so much to be said on both 
 sides it must not depend on me to settle it, and they 
 needn t ask me to." 
 
 I hadn t more than said these words as we wuz strollin 
 along when who should we meet but Royal and Rosy 
 Nelson. I knowed they wuz to be married the very day 
 after we left for St. Louis. We wuz invited but couldn t 
 go, our plans bein all laid and tickets bought, but I sent 
 em a handsome present, for I wuz highly tickled with 
 the match. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 203 
 
 Truly no rose ever looked sweeter hangin on its bough 
 than did Rosy Nelson hangin onto the arm of her devoted 
 consort, and he I thought wuz well named, so royal and 
 proud wuz his mean as he introduced his wife. 
 
 I kissed her warmly right there in China and promised 
 to make her a all day s visit soon as I got home, I m 
 lottin on t. 
 
 We talked a little about past troubles caused by Jabez- 
 eses and inventions, and the glories of the Fair, and then 
 they strolled off happy as two turkle doves, not needin 
 or desirin any other company than their own, and show- 
 in it plain by their actions. Josiah was put out about 
 it for he wanted to find out about how things wuz to 
 home, bein highly tickled to meet a male Jonesvillian. 
 
 Blandina sez as they walked away, bound up in each 
 other and both on em wropped up in the glowin mantilly 
 of youth and joy: " Oh, happy, happy wedded souls! 
 how I envy you. 
 
 And Josiah sez in a fraxious axent, " How queer it is 
 that two such smart young folks can look and act so 
 spooney, but thank heaven! it won t last. It won t be 
 long before Royal will be willin to pass the time o day 
 with a Jonesvillian." 
 
 I told him there wuz nothin so beautiful as love. 
 
 " No, nor nothin that makes folk act so like pesky 
 fools, they don t act as though they knew putty." 
 
204 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 I hated such oncongenial idees. But couldn t deny 
 they wuz spooney, for they wuz, not a small teaspoon but 
 a big silver dinner spoon, and I believe it will last. Not 
 the outward form of the spoon, oh, no, that would be too 
 wearisome to the world and themselves, but the precious 
 metal that forms it. Love is the greatest thing in the 
 world. 
 
 Blandina had always lived in a back place and had 
 never heard a graphophone, so bein kinder tired, and 
 bein nigh a place where they had one, we went in at 
 her request and sot for quite a spell. 
 
 And we heard voices and songs gay and sad, marches 
 and melodies, loftiest oratory, maddest mirth and pro- 
 foundest feeling all comin out of a little square box, 
 what a idee! 
 
 What a man that Edison is. It seems always like 
 watchin the wonderful onseen secrets of nater, like seein 
 the mortal made immortal to think that voices we ve 
 loved and mourned as they wuz hushed in the last still 
 ness can sound out agin, breakin our hearts with the 
 same old echoes, the same old sweetness of the voice we 
 loved and lost, talkin in mortal words and axents to us 
 when they ve long, long ago learnt the immortal lan 
 guage, beheld the immortal seens. 
 
 Why Cleopatra s voice might have been stored up as 
 she made love to Antony, or the voice of the relation 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 205 
 
 on her own side, old Mr. Pharo himself orderin the 
 Hebrews to git out of his premises, and their back talk 
 about plaguin him till he wuz willin they should go. 
 
 Why even Eve scoldin Adam about slackness in gittin 
 kindlin wood or her pardner eomplainin about her 
 wastefulness and extravagance in usin so many fig leaves 
 for her fall suit. Oh, how nateral, how nateral that would 
 sound to wimmen. 
 
 Or old Noah s voice as he stood in the Ark door bagon- 
 in and shoutin to the animals to walk in male and female. 
 Or his voice kinder soothin and patronizin tellin the 
 female dove to go out and shirk round on the water and 
 see if it wuz safe for the males in the party to go out. 
 Oh, how nateral that would sound to wimmen, soundin 
 out through the centuries. 
 
 And on and on down the long years, Job s voice eom 
 plainin of the bitter comfort of his friend s familiar 
 talk. He d stood losin family and fortune and had stood 
 biles but the seven days visitation and the " I told-you- 
 sos " and the advice of well wishers wuz too much for 
 him. 
 
 And Solomon s talk to Miss Sheba and hern to him. 
 And Daniel s talk by the deep waters, and mebby the 
 Great Voice that said to him: 
 
 " Understand! " 
 
 And brave Queen Esther s voice facin her enemies and 
 
206 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 a drunken king, and sweet Ruth s, and Paul s incom 
 parable words, and St. John s. Or the lofty voices of the 
 Patriot fathers as they nobly shrieked for freedom as 
 they threw their pardner s tea overboard, while they 
 hung onto their whiskey and tobacco that wuz taxed 
 twice as high. 
 
 Oh, how their impassioned cries for liberty, and how 
 they would willin ly sacrifice their wives favorite beve- 
 ridge ruther than to yield to the tyrant. How nateral, 
 how nateral them noble yells would sound to their de 
 scendant females, the Daughters of the Revolution, and 
 all the rest. What would it be for us all to hear them 
 axents, and it could have been done if Edison had been 
 born sooner and that little box had been round. 
 
 I didn t wonder that Blandina wuz enthused, it is 
 enough to enthuse anybody that never has hearn it, she 
 said she laid out to go every day three or four times a 
 day and stay jest as long as she could. 
 
 One of the most remarkable sights we see on the Pike 
 wuz Jim Key, a horse that is valued at a hundred thous 
 and dollars, who travels in his own private car. A horse 
 that can read and write, spell, understand mathematics, 
 go to the post office, git mail from any box, give chapter 
 and verse of Bible text where the horse is mentioned, 
 uses the telephone, and is so intelligent you expect him to 
 break out in oratory any time. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 207 
 
 Josiah wuz spell bound here, I could hardly tear him 
 away. And sez he: 
 
 The first thing I do when I go home will be to send 
 the colt to the deestrick school. 7 
 
 I told him the teacher wouldn t want him whinnerin 
 round amongst her scholars, and mebby gallopin and 
 snortin round the schoolroom. 
 
 But he wuz as firm as adamant in his idee. And Id no 
 what I shall do about it. But spoze the trustees will have 
 to head him off. 
 
 Josiah wanted to go and see the Fire Fighters, he said 
 he thought he could git some idees to tell the brethren that 
 wuz in the fire company, and Blandina and I wanted to 
 see the Esquimeaux Village. We went on, Josiah promis- 
 in to meet us there. And as we went I said: 
 
 " I ve sung for years about Greenland s icy mountains, 
 but never spozed I should set my eyes on em." For there 
 towerin up to the skies wuz immense ice mountains 
 peaked and desolate lookin , and inside it looked worse 
 yet. A bare snowy place broken by cold lookin water 
 dotted with ice islands and surrounded by tall ice peaks. 
 I don t spoze it wuz real ice and snow, but looked like it. 
 
 And there wuz reindeers hitched to sleds, and the low 
 round huts of the natives lookin jest like the pictures 
 in our old Gography. And there wuz some white bears 
 natural as life, and dog teams haulin sledges, toiling up 
 
208 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 the steep cliffs hitched tantrum. The natives wuz queer 
 lookin little creeters, dark complexioned, dressed in furs 
 and thick costooms. But little Nancy Columbus born at 
 the World s Fair, Chicago, wuz cute as she could be. 
 
 There wuz a big street show at the other end of the 
 Pike and this place wuz most deserted by sight-seers, and 
 Blandina and I sot down on a bench by the side of one 
 of these little housen to rest. As we did so we hearn the 
 voice of oratory comin from the other side, where some 
 Esquimeaux seemed to be gathered with open mouths and 
 wonderin linements. The orator seemed to be finishin 
 his address in words as f oilers : 
 
 " Let us not permit ourselves to be spiritually incapa 
 citated by quandaries regarding the control of earthly mat 
 ter. Let us circumnavigate the ethereal realms of unex 
 plored ether, quander the unquanderable until the ever- 
 Jastin stupendiousness of the whyness of the what shall 
 dawn on the enraptured vision, and precipitate the efful 
 gent tissues of ethereal matter in one glorious pulchritude 
 of transcendentalism." 
 
 As the speaker paused for needed breath Blandina 
 clasped her hands and sithed out, " Oh, what glorious elo 
 quence ! I never hearn anything like it ! " 
 
 And I sez, " I never did but once, I know that voice, 
 though I hain t hearn it for twenty years; that is Prof. 
 Aspire Todd." And I thought to myself, he is practicin 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 209 
 
 over a speech, and thought the Esquimeaux would stand 
 it better than tribes less humble and good natered. And 
 so it turned out; he hoped he would be invited to speak 
 at a scientific meetin to take place in Festival Hall in a 
 day or two, and bein to the Inside Inn he d tried to orate 
 his speech in his own room, but it is built so shammy you 
 can hear things from one end to the other, and they threat 
 ened him with horse whippin on one side and lynchin on 
 the other, and bein drove to it he tried it on the Esqui- 
 meauxs. They stood it pretty well, though I noticed one 
 or two on em weepin bitterly, not knowin what ailed em. 
 
 Well, to resoom backward, I sez to Blandina, " I hearn 
 Aspire Todd at a Fourth of July celebration in Josiah s 
 sugar bush." 
 
 " Oh," sez Blandina, claspin her hands, " would it be 
 possible for you to introduce me to that noble being! " 
 
 Sez I, " You like his talk then? " 
 
 i Oh, yes ! sez she, shutting her eyes and clasping her 
 hands. " His matchless eloquence is beyond praise." 
 
 " So tis," sez I, " way beyond my praise. But I can 
 introduce you if you want me to ; he visited me that time 
 he wuz in Jonesville and stayed to supper." So as he 
 come round the corner of the buildin follered by some 
 bewildered lookin natives I put out my hand and sez, 
 " I don t know as you know me, Professor Aspire Todd, 
 but you visited me in Jonesville. I am Josiah Allen s 
 wife." 
 
210 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 He grasped my hand almost warmly and sez, " Indeed 
 my memory retroacts readily on that delightsome remem 
 brance." 
 
 And then I introduced Blandina, knowin I wuz makin 
 her perfectly happy by so doin . He d growed old con 
 siderable, which I didn t blame him for and didn t see as 
 he could help it, twenty years havin gone by. His hair, 
 which wuz still long and hung down over his turn-down 
 collar, wuz streaked with gray. But he still had the same 
 kind of a curious, sentimental, high-flown look to him. 
 
 I didn t admire his looks, but Blandina s manners to 
 him wuz worshipful, and it seemed to agree with him first 
 rate, he seemed really to take to her. And as he asked 
 to accompany and go with us to the next exhibit, I fell in 
 with it, and when my pardner come walked- ahead with 
 him while Professor Todd follered with a perfectly bliss 
 ful Blandina, and before they parted he arranged a ron- 
 devoo next day with Blandina. 
 
 I wuz beat out when I got home and Miss Huff sent 
 Aunt Pheeny up to my room with a glass of hot lemonade 
 and some crackers, supper not bein quite ready owin to 
 shiftless works in the kitchen. Molly wuz in my room 
 also sweet as a June rosy. Aunt Tryphena wuz quiverin 
 with excitement, and she sez, "Lazy, good for nothin 
 things! but it hain t what they do that I mind but it is 
 their iggorance I despise." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 211 
 
 Sez Molly, " If the} are ignorant you ought to over 
 look it, Aunt Pheeny." 
 
 "Overlook it!" sez she, turnin an facin us with her 
 hands on her portly hips. "I hain t used to no such 
 
212 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 trash. When anybody has lived with the highest nobility 
 they can t stomach such low down niggers. Why, I used 
 to have em kneelin at my feet, four or five at a time, 
 askin what I d have for dinner. And that poor, iggorent, 
 low-down cook in the kitchen told me jest now I lied about 
 Prince Arthur, that there never wuz such a prince, and I 
 sez to her, < How any black nigger can stand makin bakin 
 powder biscuit and tell such lies is a mystery to me. " 
 
 " Well, you know Princes are not common in this 
 country," sez I. 
 
 She drew herself up more hautily, " Such a Prince as 
 that hain t common in no country! Why he s so hand 
 some and good the very birds in the trees will stop sing- 
 in to listen to his talk, and the grass turn brighter green 
 where he s stepped on it, and the May-flowers peek up and 
 blush with happiness if he looks at em." 
 
 1 1 How come you to leave him, Aunt Pheeny, if he wuz 
 so perfect? " 
 
 " I tole you before," sez she with dignity, " that when 
 lie went off to school I wuzn t in no ways bound to stay 
 with ole Miss. She wuz jealous, you know, jealous of me. 
 Prince Arthur made more of me, we used to sing together, 
 you know I ve sung in Concorts and Operations, been a 
 star in em. Ole Miss couldn t sing no more than a green 
 frog. And he always said when he got married I wuz to 
 live with him, that nachully sot up his Ma s back, and I 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 213 
 
 santered off one day, never tole her I wuz goin , but jest 
 lifted up my train, I wore long pink and blue satin dresses 
 then, and I jest santered out the house over to Californy 
 and Asia and so on to Chicago, and then hired out to Miss 
 Dotie s ma. And here I is ! " sez she firmly, and took up 
 the empty tray and departed. 
 
 She wuz a good singer, her voice full of the sweetness 
 and heart searchin pathos of her race. And her wild 
 flights of imagination never hurt anyone but herself. 
 
 Well, after supper, which they called dinner, I felt con 
 siderable better. Josiah stayed down in the parlor talk- 
 in to Grandpa Huff and Billy, and Molly come up in my 
 room agin and sot with me, whilst twilight let down her 
 soft gray mantilly round us and pinned it to the earth 
 with silver stars (metafor). 
 
 I always take it as a great compliment when folks con 
 fide the deepest secrets of their heart to me. And Id no 
 why it is, but they most always do; I mean them that I 
 take to nachully. Sometimes I ve felt first rate by it and 
 spozed it wuz because I had such a noble riz up look to 
 my face. But Josiah sez it is because I have such a soft 
 look that folks think they can pour their griefs into me 
 and they will sink in, some like water into cotton battin, 
 and they can lose sight of their sorrows for a spell and 
 relieve em some. Well, Id no which it is, but tennyrate 
 as Molly sot there with me lookin as wan and pale as 
 
214 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 a white rose on a cold November evenin she told me the 
 whole story, hid from her own folks but revealed unto a 
 Samantha. 
 
 Josiah may say what he s a mind to, but I believe it is 
 the natural nobility of my linement that drawed it from 
 her. While she wuz away visitin this school chum in a 
 southern city she met a young chap handsome as Appol- 
 yan, I knew from what she said, and so talented and 
 gifted, I could see in a minute they had fell in love voy- 
 lently from the very first time they met, and day by day 
 the attraction growed till they wuz completely wropped 
 up in each other. She said he seemed to worship her. 
 
 But strange, strange thing ! with all the love he showed 
 her, in every word and act, he left her without a word, 
 only a sort of a wild note saying he could not endure the 
 wretchedness of seeing a heaven so near that he could not 
 hope to enter, and after that silence, deep, dark and on- 
 broken silence and despair. " And my heart is broken ! " 
 sez she, as she laid her pretty head in my lap sobbin out, 
 " What shall I do ! Oh, what shall I do ! " 
 
 She wep and cried and cried and wep , and I wep with 
 her, my snowy handkerchief held in one hand, the other 
 hand tenderly caressin the bowed head in my lap. But 
 as she said the word Silence it brung up sunthin I had 
 read that very day, and I sez : 
 
 " Dear, did you ever hear of enterin into the Silence? " 
 
She laid her pretty head in my lap, sobbin out, " What shall I do? 
 What shall I do ? "Page 214. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 215 
 
 " Yes," sez Molly, liftin her tear wet, sweet face, " I 
 have a friend who enters into the Silence for hours, and 
 she says that everything she greatly desires and asks for 
 at that time, is given her. She calls it the New Thought." 
 
 " And I call it the Old Thought, Molly, older than the 
 creation of man. And what they call Entering into the 
 Silence, I call Waiting on the Lord. And what I call 
 prayer, they, from what I read, most probable call waking 
 up the solar plexus, whatever that may be. But it don t 
 make much difference what a thing is called, the name is 
 but a pale shadow compared to the reality. Disciples of 
 the New Thought, Christian Scientists, Healers, Spirit 
 ualists, etc., are, I believe, reaching out and feeling for 
 the Light as posies growin* in a dark suller send out little 
 pale shoots huntin for the sunlight. And so I feel kinder 
 soft and meller towards the hull caboodle on em though 
 I can t f oiler all their beliefs. 
 
 For I, as a member of the M. E. meetin house, call 
 this great beneficient over-rulin Power that sot the world 
 spinnin on its axletrees and holds it up, lest it dashes 
 aginst the planets, and directs the flight of the tiny bird 
 fleeing before the snows ; this Mighty Force that controls 
 us from the cradle to the grave, but which we cannot see 
 no more than we can see His servants, the cold and wind 
 that freezes us or the warmth and love that blesses us. 
 This Power, that whether we scoff or pray, holds us all 
 in the hollow of His mighty hand, I call God the Father, 
 
216 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Son and Holy Guest, and believe it once took mortal 
 shape and dwelt with humanity to uplift and bless it. And 
 that love, that torture, crucifixion and death could not slay 
 still yearns over this sad old world, still as the comfort 
 ing Guest makes its home in human hearts that love and 
 trust 
 
 Molly sot still with her pretty head leaning aginst me 
 and I went on, " In the story of His life and death, that 
 volume that holds the wisdom of the old and ripened glory 
 of the new, that holy book sez, " He that dwelleth in the 
 secret place of the most high shall abide under shadow 
 of the Almighty." 
 
 " What a place to abide in, Molly, the shadow of the 
 All Loving, the All Mighty one, a shadow that casts glow 
 ing light instead of darkness like our earthly shadows, a 
 pure white light in which, lookin through the eye-glass 
 of faith we can read the meanin of all the sorrows and 
 perplexities and troubles he permits us to endure, and 
 find every word on ? em gilt edged with glory." 
 
 " Spiritualists, Christian Healers, etc., may name this 
 what they will. Disciples of the New Thought may call 
 it the Silence, but I shall keep right on callin it the 
 Secret Place of the Most High. And He who inhabits 
 that sacred place has promised that if you reverently and 
 obediently enter and dwell therein and trust in Him, He 
 will give you the desire of your heart. 
 
 " So all you ve got to do, Molly, is to do as he tells 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 217 
 
 you to, obey and trust Him jest as the child trusts his 
 pa, and asks him for what he wants most, you must ask 
 Him for the desire of your heart, and if it is best for you, 
 dear, He will bring it to pass." 
 
 " Do you think so ! " sez she, brightenin up more n con 
 siderable. 
 
 " No, I don t think so. I know it." 
 
 Well, them consolin words, for thought is a real thing, 
 and I jest wropped her round with my tenderness and 
 compassion, I guess they comforted her some, tennyrate 
 she promised me sweetly that she would obey and trust, 
 and I felt considerable better about her. 
 
 I wuz sorry for her as sorry as I could be, but I had a 
 strong feelin inside of my heart (mebby some wise, sweet 
 angel whispered it to me) that everything would come 
 out right in the end, and Molly would git the desire of 
 her heart. 
 
 She s belonged to the meetin house for years. But 
 sometimes members git some shock that jars em and 
 sends em out of the narrer road for quite a spell and 
 they git kinder lost gropin through the dark shadders 
 of earthly disappointment and sorrow. Nothin but the 
 light that streams down from above can pierce them 
 glooms, and I knowed by the sweet light that lit up 
 Molly s linemen t that her face wuz turned in the right 
 direction and she wouldn t look sideways, behind or be 
 fore, but would seek for light and help from above. 
 
CHAPTER XII. 
 
 ELL, for the next week we had a busy time, 
 goin to the Fair most every day, sometimes 
 all together, but not stayin together long, 
 for most always we d meet Professor Todd 
 somewhere and he and Blandina would pair off together 
 (I jest as willin as anybody ever wuz). 
 
 Molly had a young schoolmate who lived in St. Louis, 
 and sometimes they would spend the day together at some 
 reception or other. But most of the time Josiah and I 
 paid our two attentions to the Fair stiddy, a travelin 
 about and seein all we could. 
 
 And one mornin Josiah asked me before breakfast, 
 jest as cool as if he wuz proposin a glass of lemonade 
 with ice in it, if I didn t want to go to Jerusalem that 
 mornin . 
 
 Jerusalem ! City of our Lord ! Oh, my soul, think on t ! 
 As he said the words I looked at him and then some dis 
 tance through him and beyond, and entirely onbeknown 
 to myself I begun to hum over that old him: 
 
 " Jerusalem the golden, with milk and honey blest, 
 Beneath thy contemplation sink heart and soul oppressed. 
 We know not, oh, we know not what joys await us there." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 219 
 
 And Josiah broke in and sung the last line with me 
 (or what he called singin ). 
 
 " What radiancy of glory, what bliss beyond compare." 
 
 But I knowed that singin that time of day would be 
 apt to draw attention, specially as Josiah s singin wuz 
 very base and my sulferino hain t what it wuz, and I 
 hastened to say : 
 
 " Yes, Josiah, I want to go." 
 
 Breakfast wuz kinder late that mornin , and little Dor 
 othy come into my room, she slep jest acrost from us, 
 and she begun to tell me to once about a meetin she d been 
 to the night before with Aunt Pheeny. And to make talk 
 with her I asked her what the text wuz, and she sez : 
 
 "Jesus the quilt." 
 
 Josiah wuz horrified, and it did sound bad, and he be 
 gun to reprimand her sharp, but I sez : 
 
 " Tell me all about it, Dotie. 
 
 And come to find out, it wuz " Jesus the Comforter," 
 and her little bedspread wuz sometimes called a quilt and 
 sometimes a comforter. And I told Josiah how necessary 
 it wuz not to condemn children before searching into their 
 motives. But Dotie wuz evidently thmkin about the ser 
 mon she had hearn so lately, and she went on to ask, 
 "Was Jesus a Jew?" 
 
 And I sez, " Yes, dear." 
 
220 Samantha at tlie St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " Why," sez she, " I always thought Dod wuz a Presby- 
 terium." 
 
 That wuz her Aunty Huff s persuasion, which she na- 
 chully thought couldn t be improved on. 
 
 Dotie had a little straw hat on that time o day and I 
 asked her what it wuz for, and she sez, " Oh, I carry my 
 papers in it, I m writin a book." 
 
 Grandpa Huff always carried papers in his hat, and she 
 copied him. I asked her what her book wuz about, and how 
 she wuz gittin on with it and she said: 
 
 " It wuz about a lady, a buggler and a ghost, and I ve 
 killed em all and that s as fur as I ve got." 
 
 Killin a ghost ! a burglar and a heroine, I thought what 
 a noble start for a sensational novel. 
 
 But the breakfast bell rung jest then, and I took the 
 little warm hand in mine and led her down to breakfast. 
 
 Well, after breakfast Josiah and I sot out in good 
 season for Jerusalem. 
 
 Molly wanted to go to the British Building to see a 
 school friend of hern that she thought might be there, 
 and Blandina offered to accompany her. They wuz goin 
 to stop at a number of places on the way, and we agreed to 
 meet at noon sharp at the English Building. 
 
 We went into the walled city of Jerusalem by the Jaffa 
 Gate, through a tall arched entrance in the stun wall. 
 Within wuz lots of carriages and horses and camels and 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 221 
 
 donkeys and men, wirnmen and children, some in 
 strange and startlin costooms, but the first thing Josiah 
 spoke on wuz the name of a restaurant, " A Fast," it wuz 
 over a door clost by. 
 
 " A fast," sez he, " that don t look very encouragin in 
 a eatin house. If it wuz Brek Fast it would look more 
 hopeful." 
 
 " You ve had your breakfast, Josiah, and a good one. 
 Don t be thinkin of vittles so much in such a place as this." 
 
 " I shall think of what I m a minter, and you can t break 
 it up, mom ! " 
 
 Truly he spoke the truth; I could cling to his arm, 
 drink out of the same cup, set in the same chair, lay my 
 head on the same piller, and yet, he might be millions 
 of milds from me in sperit, round with other wimmen 
 for all I knew. Queer, hain t it? 
 
 Yes, he wuz thinkin of food right here in this Holy 
 City. As for me, a perfect troop of lofty emotions wuz 
 sweepin through my mind, as I looked round me on the 
 very same seen our Lord had looked at. Low old-fash 
 ioned stun housen such as He might have entered in, men 
 and wimmen clad in long robes such as He wore. 
 
 And to think of seein the Via Dolorosa, the Way of 
 Sorrows, that He walked, carryin the agony of humanity, 
 and the pityin compassion of divinity. 
 
 And the Nine Stations of the Cross where our Lord 
 
222 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 stopped to rest on that bitter journey, toiling up the steep 
 hill carrying up the heavy cross and the woes and sins of 
 the world, awful! beautiful Calvary! sacred, heart-break 
 ing, holy place. How iny soul burnt within me thinkin 
 of all this as I stood in the Holy City. 
 
 And there wuz the Tower of David, the Shepherd king. 
 I always liked David, though I could advised him for his 
 good in lots of things. He didn t do right by Ury, and 
 he ortn t to had so many wives, if he d scrimped himself 
 a little in em, mebby his son, Solomon, wouldn t had so 
 many, and one is enough, as I told Josiah. 
 
 " Yes," sez he with intense conviction in his tone. 
 " One wife is enough for any man, heaven knows, and any 
 body that hankers after more than one is a fool ! " 
 
 I didn t really like his axent; he d been layin it up, I 
 guess what I said about vittles, but I didn t mind it. 
 
 And we went through the different quarters of the city. 
 The little stores and bazars by the side of the street wuz 
 full of real nice things to sell, rich Eastern woven goods, 
 embroideries, cushions, curtains, rugs, lamps, jewels, orna 
 ments, trinkets of all kinds, etc., etc. There is more than 
 a hundred of these little booths and stores in Jerusalem, 
 and all full of handsome things. I loved to look at em, 
 though Josiah tried to draw me away. 
 
 Sez he, " You don t want to buy here ; you can do as 
 well agin in Jonesville tradin off your butter and eggs, 
 and probable git a chromo throwed in." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 223 
 
 I didn t argy, but I bought a string of beads for Tir- 
 zah Ann and a pipe for Thomas J., the wood of which 
 growed on the Mount of Olives, so the man said. 
 
 I told Josiah they would prize em high bavin come 
 from Jerusalem. 
 
 And he said, They never see Jerusalem, he said they 
 wuz growed over in New Jersey, and when I asked him 
 how he knew, he said he recognized the berries and the 
 grain of the wood. 
 
 But he couldn t no such thing, and I presoom the man 
 told considerable truth. And we see Eabbis, Turkish 
 cavalry, common people livin in the queer little housen 
 jest as they did in Jerusalem, and the priests goin through 
 their religious ceremonies jest the same. And we went 
 through the Citadel and the different public buildin s. 
 
 There wuz lots of wimmen and girls on the streets, some 
 on em sellin posies for charity, I bought two little 
 bunches, one on em I put in Josiah s buttonhole, though 
 he objected and said it would probable make talk for a 
 man of his age and dignity to be trimmed with flowers. 
 
 They wuz real pretty girls, with white veils on over their 
 dark hair, their lustrous eyes lookin out at us as they might 
 have looked at the Postles. 
 
 And there wuz cunnin little donkeys that anybody could 
 ride if they wanted to, and camels with gorgeous trappings 
 kneelin down ready for folks to mount and be carried 
 
224 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 round the streets. Josiah stood ready to pay the ten 
 cents apiece to give us the pleasure of a ride. 
 
 But I declined the treat. I sez, " We don t ride the 
 old mair hoss back to home, and I don t hanker after bein 
 histed up onto a camel s hump, or to see you in that peril 
 ous poster." 
 
 He said he d love to tell the bretheren we d rid em, but 
 seein I wuz sot agin it he gin up. 
 
 The streets smell bad and are so narrer I don t see how 
 they would manage if two buggies met; one would have 
 to back out, they couldn t git by each other. 
 
 The old Roman barracks are bare and dreary lookin , 
 but dretful interestin to me for there our Lord stood to be 
 judged by Caesar like a lamb before the shearer, and he 
 said, " I wash my hands of this matter, I find no fault in 
 this man." 
 
 I wish Caesar had had more gumption. His wife could 
 see furder ahead than he could. But that is often the 
 case, as I tell Josiah. 
 
 And we went through St. John s Hospice, and the 
 Mosque of Omar. That is a monstrous big building with 
 a great round dome on top, two broad flights of steps lead 
 up into it, we dumb the nighest one and went inside. The 
 high dome is lined with colored mosaic, and looks first- 
 rate, but I didn t pay much attention to that for right 
 underneath the centre is an exact reproduction of the rock 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 225 
 
 where Abraham offered up Isaac, or got ready to. How 
 Love and Duty tugged at Abraham s heart and most tore 
 it into as he stood there, and what faith he had. It is 
 heart-breakin to think on t, though it all come out right 
 in the end, as the hardest things will if we cling to Duty. 
 
 But Josiah wuz gittin worrisome and wanted to go, 
 but I sez, " Josiah, I must see Solomon s Temple." 
 
 It wuz quite a few steps away, but I didn t begrech the 
 time or journey, and jest as we wuz goin up the steps, 
 who should we meet comin out but Jane Olive Perkins 
 (nay Gowdey) once a Jonesvillian, but now livin in 
 Chicago, but visitin her old home and relation quite 
 often. 
 
 She wuz dressed beautiful, her neck and bosom sparklin 
 with diamonds. I don t approve of such dressin in the 
 street, but Jane Olive wuz always showy. 
 
 She held out both hands in joyful greetin (the meanin 
 of which I mistrusted afterwards). We talked about the 
 splendor of the Fair and our own two healths, and the 
 Jonesvillians, and then she sez: 
 
 i l I am so delighted to meet you, Josiah Allen s wife, for 
 I know you will want to give to a noble cause I am workin 
 for, you and dear Mr. Allen. It is a cause that ort to be 
 first in every feelin heart, and I knew you d give liberal." 
 
 I d forgot my portmoney that mornin and didn t want 
 right there in Solomon s Temple to dicker with Josiah for 
 
226 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 money, I knowed it would make him fraxious. And I 
 wuz havin such a lot of lofty emotions there a,t Jeru 
 salem, I didn t want to bring em down by havin words 
 with my pardner. And I knowed too that " dear Mr. 
 Allen " would be apt to say hash things that would bring 
 him down in Jane Olive s estimation, he s so clost and he 
 never liked her to begin with. 
 
 So I said I couldn t very well stop and tend to it right 
 there in Solomon s Temple, and she asked me for my 
 address and told me she should come and see me. She 
 wuz stayin at a big tarven not so very fur from Miss 
 Huff s, and said she d brought her orto and shuffler with 
 her from Chicago. 
 
 Well, she bid us a tender adoo, sayin the last thing 
 " owe Revwah" or sunthin like that and Josiah sez to me : 
 
 " Who s she twittin us on 1 I don t owe nobody by that 
 name, nor never did, not a cent, I m a man that pays my 
 debts." 
 
 And I sez, " Dear Josiah, nobody that knows you can dis 
 pute it." 
 
 Jane Olive kinder smiled and passed on, and I dno but 
 in Fancy I and the public may as well set down on the 
 steps of Solomon s Temple, and I ll tell about who Jane 
 Olive Perkins wuz. She wuz Jane Olive Gowdey, and 
 married Samuel Perkins, old Eliphilet Perkinses second 
 boy, and folks thought she done mizable when she married 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 227 
 
 him. Sam hadn t been put to work much bein sort o 
 weakly so his folks thought, he looked kinder peaked. 
 
 But I spoze Sam enjoyed pretty good health all the 
 time onbeknown to his folks and wuz kinder savin 7 up his 
 strength, layin it up as you may say for the time o need, 
 so he had it all when he wuz married. A master hand he 
 wuz to save things and make em count. For all he never 
 did any work to speak on, he had more proppity laid up 
 than any of the Perkins boys when he wuz married, he had 
 saved so and sort o speculated and laid up. 
 
 He wuz kinder mean too, runnin after wimmen at that 
 time, though onbeknown to Jane Olive or his folks, but it 
 come out afterwards, he wuz awful sly. When he married 
 Jane Olive Gowdey that wuz a surprise too, for Bill, the 
 oldest boy, wanted her the worst way and everybody 
 spozed they wuz engaged. A good creeter Bill wuz, virtu 
 ous as Joseph, or any of the old Bible Patriarchs, and 
 virtuouser than lots of em. 
 
 But Sam, in jest that way of hisen, laid low and sort o 
 did the best he could with what he had to do with, sort o 
 speculated and increased her likin for him on the sly 
 (mean fellers will git ahead of good ones five times out of 
 ten, wimmen are so queer) . And lo and behold ! the first 
 Jonesville knew they up and got married. 
 
 They moved to a big city where Sam got a chance to 
 travel for a grocery store, and Jane Olive opened a inteli- 
 
228 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 gence office, where for an ample consideration she fur 
 nished incompetent help to distracted housekeepers, re- 
 ceivin pay from both victims, and they laid up money 
 fast. Then he went into pork and first we knew Sam wuz 
 a very rich man, lived in great style, kep his carriage, 
 but wuz awful mean, so we heard, hadn t no morals at all 
 to speak on so fur as wimmen wuz concerned, and we had 
 hearn that Jane Olive not bein over and above happy in 
 marriage, and forgittin to all appearance she had ever 
 dickered with mistress and maid, wuz tryin her best to 
 work her way in among the aristockracy, she wuz dretful 
 ambitious and so wuz Sam, they wanted to go with the first. 
 
 She did everything she could to foller their example, 
 she dressed up in satin and diamonds and trailed round 
 to theatres and operas and hung over dry goods counters, 
 and kep her maid and coachman and butler, or that s what 
 folks say, I don t even know what a butler is expected to 
 do, or Josiah don t. " Butler," sez I when I hearn on t, 
 " I can t imagine what a butler duz." 
 
 And Josiah sez, " A coachman is to coach, and a waiter 
 is to wait, and a butler must be to buttle." 
 
 Sez I, "Buttle what? Or who! Or when? " But he 
 couldn t tell. Well, Sam he did everything to git into the 
 first and be fashionable, he embezzled a lot, broke down 
 two or three times with enormous profit to himself, spent 
 his money like water, wuz jest as mean as he could be, 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 229 
 
 went over to Europe now and then, did everything he could 
 do to be fashionable and act like a man of the world, and 
 finally he led astray a little girl that lived with em, a 
 motherless little girl they had took, pretty as a pink too, 
 and affectionate dispositioned. Jane Olive turned her out 
 doors, of course, when she found it out. It wuz in the 
 fall of the year, and the night before Christmas the girl 
 with her baby in her arms jumped into the river and wuz 
 drownded. 
 
 Her father had some spunk and took Sam up, but he 
 wuz always sly and looked ahead, and he proved that she 
 wuz a day or two older than the age of consent, and he got 
 let off triumphant and her father had to pay the cost, 
 besides the funeral expenses, and grave stun. 
 
 Such smartness riz Sam up considerable amongst his 
 mates and he wuz sent to Congress most immegiately after 
 wards, and it wuz owin to his powerful arguments that the 
 age of consent wuz lowered a year or two ; I believe he 
 brought it down to about ten years. He wuz thought a 
 sight on by his genteel male friends, so they say, he worked 
 so powerful for their interest. He brought down the 
 licenses on saloons and bad housen a sight, and made 
 almost Herculanean efforts to have saloons scattered 
 broadcast through the country without any license to pay. 
 I spoze there never wuz a more popular statesman. He 
 worked too hard though, and had to retire to more private 
 
230 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 life to reap the fruits of his efforts. And he kep right on, 
 so they say reapin em ever since, cuttin up and acting 
 but always actin jest inside the law and always cuttin up 
 the same. 
 
 He had the gift of gab and he made eloquent public 
 speeches, tellin what boons saloons and kindred places wuz 
 to the community. I spoze there never wuz a more popular 
 legislator. 
 
 But, of course, such high honors cast dark shadders, and 
 one night after he d made a powerful speech at the openin 
 of a saloon he owned, a old one made over into gorgeous 
 beauty, he got a good hoss whippin , and by some wimmen 
 too. 
 
 Perkins had made a great speech himself and wantin to 
 show off to the world that it wuz real respectable (they 
 had this saloon kinder graded off, weaker drinks in one 
 place leadin up gradual to brandy and whiskey), he got 
 a minister, a well-meanin man, so I hearn, who made a 
 prayer and then they all sung the Doxology : 
 
 Praise God from whom all blessings flow 
 
 Askin God to bless what He d cursed. What must God 
 thought on t ! For He and they well knew all the sin and 
 pain, poverty and crime that flowed out of saloons, the 
 ontold losses and danger to community, the brutality, 
 fights, murders, crimes of all kinds. 
 
 Praise Him all creatures here below 
 
Samantfia at tlie St. Louis Exposition 231 
 
 When that minister knowed the stuff he wuz dedieatin 
 rendered all creeters here below, no matter how smart 
 they wuz nachully, incapable of tellin whether they wuz 
 on their head or their heels, blessin or cussin . When 
 a man is drunk as a fool how can he praise anything ? It 
 is all he can do to navigate his own legs within and 
 weavin along under him, ready to crumple down any 
 minute into the gutter. He d look well tryin to sing gospel 
 hims when he can t tell what his own name is, or speak 
 it if he could. 
 
 Praise Him above ye heavenly hosts 
 
 Why, I don t see how they dasted to sing that when they 
 knowed that the Heavenly Host couldn t have flowed 
 through such places without bein liable to git their feathers 
 pulled out in some of the drinkin carouses held there. 
 As liable agin for their pure eyes must be dimmed with 
 tears, tears for the eighty thousand victims turned out 
 yearly from these resorts. Innocent youth changed to reck 
 less wickedness, noble manhood turned to brutes falling 
 from honorable places in society down into drunkards 
 loathsome lives, drunkards dishonored graves. 
 
 How could these pityin sperits help weepin over it? 
 And the long, agonized procession follerin on pale, 
 wretched mothers, once happy wives, now hungry, broken 
 hearted wrecks, with pinched, starved children clingin to 
 their ragged skirts. The idee of askin this pure heavenly 
 Host to praise God for what brought all this to pass ! 
 
232 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. 
 
 Why, I believe that Satan himself, though he loved to 
 see the work go on, would be ashamed to sing the Doxology 
 there. I don t believe you d ketch him at it, for he is so 
 smart he would see in a minute how it would look to praise 
 God for such a place as that when he had said plain : 
 
 " Cursed is he that putteth the cup to his neighbor s 
 lips." 
 
 And Satan knowed jest as well as Josiah and I and the 
 world did, that saloons wuz made a purpose for this. 
 
 " And no drunkard hath eternal life." And that minister 
 wuz ordained to help people attain that life, not to help 
 em lose it. 
 
 I don t see what he wuz thinkin on. Of course, the top 
 of the long slippery descent to ruin is quite cheerful lookin , 
 lit up with false lights, hollow mirth, false hopes and 
 dreams lurin the victims on and down. But he knowed 
 how slippery it wuz, how impossible it wuz for ordinary 
 men to stand up when they got to slidin down. He knew 
 that nothin but God s grace wuz strong enough to reach 
 down and haul em up agin to level ground. 
 
 A few men are so strong-footed they can grip on and 
 stay round the top for some time, and I presoom this 
 minister, bein a good-natered man would been glad to 
 had em all hung on there, but he must have knowed they 
 wouldn t and couldn t. He d seen em leggo thousands and 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 233 
 
 thousands every year, he knowed what made em fall. And 
 he might jest as well made a prayer and sung a hymn over 
 a murderer s knife, because he wanted it to cut bread but 
 knowed it would and did murder, as to done this. 
 
 For no matter what he wanted he knowed intemperance 
 is evil and only evil. And pattin a pizen viper and callin 
 it " angel " and singin the Doxology over it hain t goin to 
 change its nater, its nater is to sting, and its bite is death. 
 
 And the God they dasted to invoke said of the drink the 
 place wuz made to sell, " It biteth like a serpent and 
 stingeth like an adder," and the end thereof is death. 
 
 I don t know what that good man could be thinkin on to 
 dast. But then as long as our Government opholds it, I 
 spoze he thought he might. 
 
 But I wish I d been there to told him how it wuz goin 
 to look to me and Josiah and the world, and what slurs 
 wuz goin to be cast onto the sacred cause of religion by it. 
 
 I couldn t tell him what harm it wuz goin to do; no, 
 eternity is none too soon to count that up. Awful waves of 
 influence sweepin along sweepin along clear from to-day 
 to the Day of Judgment; I can t bear to think on t; I m 
 kinder sorry for him, and am glad enough it hain t my 
 Josiah that has got that ahead on him. I wish he d ondo 
 now what he s done as fur as he can, he d feel better, I 
 believe, I know that I and the meetin house would and 
 Josiah. 
 
234 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 But, tennyrate, no matter how Satan wuz laughin and 
 sneerin and angels bendin down from the gold bars of 
 Heaven lookin through their pityin tears hopin it must 
 be a mistake, not believin it possible that them prayers and 
 hims could come from a man-killin saloon. And coverin 
 their eyes with their droopin wings when they found it 
 wuz so they sung it through and the minister, for he wuz 
 a stiddy man, went home in good season. And Perkins 
 also started home walkin afoot, it wuz so little ways. 
 
 And as I said, some wimmen sot on him and hoss- 
 whipped him. Some of these wimmen s husbands had 
 been ruined and killed by the Poor Man s Club. And there 
 wuz some mothers whose little boys of seven and eight 
 had been coaxed with brandy-soaked candy into another 
 saloon Perkins owned. For this saloonkeeper had boasted, 
 Perkins backin him, that money spent enticin the young 
 and innocent to drink, whilst they wuz easily influenced, 
 wuz money well spent. 
 
 For of course, as good calculators, they had to in the 
 interest of their profession provide new recruits to take 
 the place in the staggerin ranks of the hundred thousand 
 they annually killed off. And this saloonkeeper, helped 
 on by Perkins, had the name of the most active boy and 
 girl ruiner among the thousands in the city, though they 
 all did a flourishin bizness. 
 
 Two or three of Perkins saloons made a specialty of 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 235 
 
 sellin drink to girls, and their mothers who lay their heads 
 on their pillows at night and found em like thorns and fire 
 under their heads, thinkin of the pretty warm-hearted girls 
 who had to be away from mother s care to earn their livin , 
 out to service and in manufactories and elsewhere. And 
 some rich mothers, whose girls wuz away to school 
 
 These mothers thinkin what a weak thing a girl s will 
 wuz when drink had drownded out the small self-control 
 they had, and youthful passion and temptation urgin em 
 on, and the company Perkins nachully drawed round him. 
 
 These mothers whose boys and girls wuz like pieces of 
 their own hearts, and these wives in the grief made reck 
 lessness of despair, made a hash vow that they would 
 break up Perkinses saloons or die in the attempt, so they 
 sot on him that night and gin him good drubbin . 
 
 But they couldn t do much, for the police, of course, 
 horrified by their onparalelled and onprovoked crime, 
 hustled the wimmen off to jail, and escorted Perkins home 
 with honor. But to resoom backwards. 
 
 I will git up (in fancy) from the steps of Solomon s 
 Temple and go on in. 
 
 This is a complete copy of the magnificent temple built 
 by Solomon, the wisest man in the world. Though like all 
 wise men he had his foolish streaks, seven hundred wives 
 is too many for one man to git along with, I should told 
 him so if I had lived neighbor to him. I d say: 
 
236 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " Mr. Solomon, if you have the name of knowin so much 
 showyour smartness bygittin rid of six hundred and niney- 
 nine on em ; keep jest one, pick her out, take your choice, 
 but discharge the rest. Set em up in dressmakin or 
 millionary or sunthin to git a livin by, and settle down 
 peaceable with one." Mebby he d hearn to me and mebby 
 not, men are so sot in their way. 
 
 But to resoom. Here we stood in that splendid temple 
 which was the wonder of the world, and see the tabernacle 
 the old Hebrews carried with em through the parted waves 
 of the Red Sea and their journeyin s through the wilder 
 ness for forty years, led by the pillow of fire. 
 
 What f eelin s I had as I looked on it and meditated, what 
 riz up f eelin s them old four fathers that carried it must 
 have had, and them that follered on, led as they wuz by 
 heavenly light, fed by heavenly food. How could they 
 acted as they did, rambelous often and often, wanderin 
 from the right road, but still not gittin away from the 
 Divine care. 
 
 And there wuz a picture forty feet long, as long as our 
 barn, showing the old Hebrews encamped before Mount 
 Sinai, where Moses received the Law that rules the world 
 to-day (more or less). Heaven drawin so nigh to earth 
 that hour that its light fallin on Moseses face made it too 
 glorious for mortal eyes to look on. 
 
 And I dno but one of them mountains we see wuz where 
 Moses stood after his forty years journey, castin wish- 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 237 
 
 ful eyes onto the Promised Land, not bein able to enter 
 in because of some past error and ignorance. And I 
 thought, as I stood there, how many happy restin places 
 we plan and toil for and then can t enter in and possess 
 through some past error and mistake caused by ignorance 
 as dense as Moseses ignorance. What a lot of emotions I 
 had thinkin this, and how on top of another mount the 
 great prophet and law-giver wuz not, for God took him. 
 
 I wuz lost and by the side of myself, but Josiah s voice 
 reached me up in the realm of Keverie and brought me 
 back. 
 
 "What ails you, Samantha? Do you lay out to stand 
 here all day! " And I tore myself away. 
 
 Well, there wuz movin pictures describin the Holy 
 Land and we see em move, and dissolvin views of the same 
 and we see em dissolve, and at last Josiah got so worri 
 some I had to go on with him. We laid out to stop to Japan 
 and France, they bein right on our way, and I sez, " We 
 might as well stop at Morrocco." For as I told Josiah, 
 while we wuz travelin through foreign countries we might 
 as well see what we could of the people, their looks and 
 habits. 
 
 But he sez to once, " You don t want to buy any Morrocco 
 shues, Samantha, they don t wear nigh so well as calf-skin 
 and cost as much agin." And sez he, " We won t have more 
 than time to go through Japan and France and do justice 
 to em." So we went on. 
 
CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 HE Japan exhibit is on a beautiful hill south 
 of Machinery Palace. There are seven large 
 buildin s besides the small pagodas and all 
 filled with objects of interest. It seems as 
 if the hull kingdom of Japan must have taken hold to 
 make this display what it is. And how they could do 
 it with a big war goin on in their midst is a wonder, 
 and shows beyend words what wonderful people the 
 Japans are. 
 
 There are two kinds of exhibits, one by the allied busi 
 ness interests or Government and the other by individuals. 
 But they all seem to work in harmony, havin but one 
 idee, to show off Japan and her resources tc the best 
 advantage, and the display wuz wonderful, from a royal 
 pavilion, rich in the most exquisite and ornate decora 
 tions down to a small bit of carving that mebby repre 
 sented the life long labor of some onknown workman. 
 
 In the Transportation Buildin is a map one hundred 
 feet long, showing the transportation facilities of the 
 Empire, a perfect network of railways and telegraph and 
 telephone wires, showin they have other ways of gettin 
 round there besides man-carts and jinrikshas, yes, indeed ! 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 239 
 
 it is a wonder what they have done in that direction in fifty 
 years. 
 
 The postal exhibit shows they delivered eight hundred 
 and sixteen million pieces of mail last year, and every 
 post-office has a bank, the school children have deposited in 
 them eleven millions. I wish our country would do as well. 
 The exhibit of the steamships show jest as much enter 
 prise, and how world-wide is their commerce. The saloon 
 of one of the steamships is a dream of beauty and luxury. 
 The Temple of Nikko is ornamented by wonderful carv 
 ing in catalpa, chrysantheums, etc., and in it in glass cases 
 are the most beautiful specimens of their embroidery, 
 tapestry, pottery. One pair of vases are worth ten thou 
 sand dollars. As you leave this Temple you see on each 
 side the finest specimens of Japanese art, painted and em 
 broidered screens, all kinds of metal, laquear and ivory 
 work; exquisite vases and priceless old delft wear, and 
 there is a model Japanese house, you feel that you d love 
 to live in it. There is one spring room in it that holds the 
 very atmosphere of spring. The tapestry and crape hang 
 ings are embroidered with cherry blossoms, its one picture 
 is a sweet spring landscape. Low green stools take the 
 place of stuffy chairs and sofas. And there wuz an 
 autumn room, autumn leaves of rich colors wuz woven in 
 the matting and embroidered in the hangings, the screens 
 and walls white with yellow chrysantheums. 
 
240 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Then there wuz a gorgeous Japan room with walls of 
 exquisitely carved laquear wood, massive gilt furniture, 
 rich embroidered silk hangings, and the ceiling wuz a 
 beautifully carved flowery heaven with angels flying about 
 amidst the flowers. This one room cost forty-five thousand 
 dollars. 
 
 And we see lovely embroidered cloths, porcelain, shrines, 
 urns, cabinets, chairs all wrought in the highest art, silks 
 of every description, and sights and sights of it. Fans, 
 parasols, lanterns, fireworks of all kinds, mattings, straw 
 goods, cameras, etc., etc. 
 
 In the mining display is a model of one of their copper 
 mines, and you see they have the largest furnace in the 
 world, and they not only mine on land but under the sea, 
 it beats all how them Japanese do go ahead. There are 
 tall gold and silver bars showing how much they have 
 mined in these metals. 
 
 Their educational exhibit shows the same wonderful 
 energy and advancement. There is a compulsory edu 
 cational law and twenty-two per cent, of the children 
 attend school. There are schools for the blind, deaf and 
 feeble-minded, and a display of all their excellent meth 
 ods of education, from kindergarten to the imperial 
 university. 
 
 In the Palace of Electricity on a map thirty feet high 
 and twenty-five feet wide, you see pictures of Japan s great 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 241 
 
 engineering work, Lake Biwa Canal, connecting the Lake 
 with Kioto. Irrigating, electricity making, electrical 
 apparatus invented by them, they have nearly twenty-five 
 thousand telephones, long and short distance. 
 
 In the tea exhibit you see everything relating to this 
 beverage, tea houses, experimental farms and over one 
 hundred different kinds of tea are shown. Kice is shown in 
 every stage of its growth, tobacco, fruit, canned goods. 
 
 You can enter the Forestry and Fish departments 
 through a temple built of twenty different kinds of wood. 
 Here you see all the native forest woods, bamboo takin 
 the lead. Their fish and their methods of fishing are 
 shown off, charts of their fishing grounds and boats. The 
 Japanese section of the Palace of Fine Arts hac the best 
 samples of sculpture, painting and pottery. 
 
 But the crownin beauty of the Japanese display is the 
 Enchanted Garden (well-named). A charmin little lake 
 lies in the midst of flower beds and hedges, dotted by 
 aquatic flowers. Beds of hydrangeas and chrysantheums 
 and other bright flowers glow in the sunlight. A pretty 
 summer house stands on a little island and bending over 
 the water are dwarf pine trees brought from Japan. At 
 one end is a waterfall, and there is a pleasant tea house 
 where pretty Japan girls serve tea on the broad galleries. 
 
 Beyend the lake you see a model Japanese house and 
 not fur off is the headquarters of the Japanese commission. 
 
242 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Near the top of the hill is a large pavilion made of wood 
 and bamboo. It is used as a reception room, and here you 
 see Japanese costooms from the earliest day to the present. 
 Here are pictures of the Emperor and Empress. There 
 is a display here also of the Red Cross society, medical 
 boxes of army and navy, etc. This is the only hint this 
 courteous country gives of the great war going on at home 
 that would stop the exhibit of most any other country. 
 They are a wonderful people and are making swift strides 
 to the front in every direction. I took sights of comfort 
 here and so did Josiah. 
 
 I said a big war would stop the exhibit of most every 
 country it has stopped Russia she don t have much 
 show here to the Fair, they wanted to, and laid out to, 
 but couldn t on account of havin to go to war. It is dret- 
 ful busy this year, killin off men, and sendin out men all 
 the time to be killed, so of course, it can t devour the same 
 time in more peaceful occupations. 
 
 I wuz really sorry, for I always liked the Zar. Of course, 
 we don t visit back and forth, he havin the misfortune to 
 not live neighbor to us. But I always thought he wuz 
 likely, real smart and good-natered, lovin his wife and 
 babies devotedly, settin a splendid example in this direc 
 tion to other high potentates who act and behave more or 
 less. 
 
 And his Peace Proclamation, like a tall white monument 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 243 
 
 riz up for men and angels to admire. How its pure 
 luminous light lit up this dark earth and streamed clear 
 up to heaven, the blessed influence it shed abroad wuz so 
 beneficient and divine. How much I and the hull world 
 thought on t. 
 
 And here it is all broke to smash, for of course, it wuz 
 right in his way and he had to tromple on over it, he and 
 the squadrons he called to war. 
 
 I don t know exactly the right or wrong on t, it is hard 
 sometimes to keep track of ethics in a Jonesville quarrel, 
 and when two big Empires git to cuttin up and aetin 
 and sassin , and dastin each other to do thus and so, I 
 can t be expected to know all the ins and outs of their 
 dispute. 
 
 But I do know this, that the beautiful Peace Monument 
 is smashed all to pieces under the feet of the thousands 
 and thousands of men sent out to murder and be murdered, 
 and it is doubtful to me if the Zar can ever contoggle it up 
 agin to be as strong as it wuz before. You know he will 
 nachully git his muscles and will and temper kinder stiff 
 jinted leadin the armies and gittin so awful mad. 
 
 But, there they be, these two great nations, Japan and 
 Eussia, sendin out their peaceable and well-behaved sons 
 by the thousands and hundreds of thousands to cut each 
 other to-pieces, shoot, maim and murder each other, for 
 that is what war is, it is on purpose to kill men, the great 
 est crime in the civil calendar. 
 
244 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 As I told Josiah one night to Miss Huff s, as I laid down 
 a paper givin the details of a bloody battle which wuz 
 headed " A Great Victory." 
 
 Victory ! the idee ! hundreds of men borne bleeding from 
 the field suffering tortures worse than death and every 
 pang they felt twice suffered by them that loved em, 
 watching and waiting at home in agonized suspense, hun 
 dreds more layin with their white, dead faces upturned 
 to heaven as if in mute appeal and wonder that such a 
 horror as war could be in a world where the words of 
 the gentle Christ had been hearn. 
 
 Sez I, " I can t understand it, Josiah, John Jones gits 
 mad and kills one man, a small boneded man too, and 
 weakly, couldn t live long anyway, and John had been 
 abused by him shameful and wuz dretful mad at him. A 
 horrified state law clutches John Jones and kills him. 
 Public Opinion sez good enough for John, it will keep 
 other murderous-minded men at bay mebby. 
 
 " But I always loved justice, and if a king gits mad and 
 kills or causes to be killed hundreds of thousands of men 
 I can t see why he if successful should be admired for it, 
 have a monument riz up to show forth his nobility and 
 school boys be taught to emulate his greatness." 
 
 Josiah said, " That wuz different, a war between nations 
 wuz planned ahead, it wuzn t murder." 
 
 " But," sez I, " if John Jones had planned killin his 
 man he would git hung the sooner." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 245 
 
 " Well," sez Josiah, " great national quarrels has to be 
 settled some way. Nations wouldn t go to war unless they 
 wuz aggravated." 
 
 Sez I, " John Jones wuz aggravated. Murders hain t 
 generally planned or committed in class meetings, and love 
 feasts." 
 
 " Well," sez Josiah, scratchin his head, " it is different." 
 
 But I sez, " How different, Josiah, they are both 
 murders." 
 
 Sez Josiah, " I guess I ll go down to Grandpa Huff s 
 room and borry the World. But I kep thinkin on t after 
 he left about war and what it wuz. Rivers of human blood 
 flowin through ruined countries, follered by the horrible 
 specters of pestilence, disease and famine, moral and finan 
 cial ruin. Acres and acres of graves filled with forms once 
 full of throbbing life and hope and dreams of future 
 happiness, cut down like grass before the mower. Wives, 
 mothers, sisters, sweethearts see the sun of their life s 
 joy go down in blackness, their heaven of love and hap 
 piness changed into a hell of misery by somebody s 
 quarrel, somebody s greed and ambition. How many of 
 the common soldiers who make up the great body of the 
 army know or care about the right or wrong of their 
 cause. They go into the fight like dumb-driven cattle, 
 suffer and die and make their loved ones die a hundred 
 deaths jest because they are hired to do it, hired to murder 
 
246 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 their fellow men, jest as you would hire a man to cut 
 down a grove of underbrush. They go out to this whole 
 sale slaughter to kill or be killed, to meet all the black 
 awful influences that f oiler the armies, go gayly to the 
 sound of bugle and drum. 
 
 It is the common people who bleed and die, it is the 
 hearts of the common people that are wrung; it is their 
 wives and orphan children who have to struggle along and 
 strive and die, or live and suffer by this cause. 
 
 And who can tell the moral, physical and financial ruin, 
 the sickenin and terrible effects of evil habits formed 
 there, the sin and woe that like a black cloud follers the 
 army? The recordin angel himself can t do the sum till 
 the day of judgment, not till then can he add up the 
 broad, ever-widenin effects of evil and sorrow that follers 
 a great war and that shall go on and on till time shall be 
 no more. 
 
 Calm judicial eyes lookin back at this problem from the 
 happy days when Peace and Love shall rule the world, 
 from the era when Courts of Arbitration will settle national 
 differences, will look back on the bloody godless warfare 
 of to-day with more horrow than we do on the oncivilized 
 doin s of our savage ancestors. 
 
 It is strange, hain t it, to think eighteen centuries of 
 Christian teaching hain t wiped the blood stains off the face 
 of the earth, as it would like to? Yes, indeed! our Lord s 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 247 
 
 words are luminous with Charity, Peace and Love. But 
 the vengeful black clouds of war sweep up between the 
 nations and the Sermon on the Mount and hides its words 
 so they can t, or don t heed em. 
 
 And I d no what s goin to be done. I guess them that 
 don t believe in war must keep on givin in their testimony, 
 keep peggin away at Public Opinion and constant droppin 
 will wear away stun. 
 
 But to resoom backwards. We stayed so long in Japan 
 that I couldn t devote so much time to France as I wanted 
 to, for they too had a fine display. The most beautiful 
 exhibit we saw was the reproduction of the Grand Trienon, 
 the favorite home of Napoleon, brought from all appear 
 ances from Versailles with its famous garden and sot down 
 here in St. Louis. 
 
 There is a big central pavilion and on each side wings, 
 each terminating in a pavilion joined by tall marble col 
 umns. The ruff is surrounded by a balustrade ornamented 
 by vases and beautiful statutes. The same balustrade ex 
 tends the hull length of the building below, five hundred 
 and thirty-four feet. 
 
 And below it stretches the beautiful garden, terraces, 
 lake, fountains, statutes, rare flowers, shrubs and trees. 
 Winding walks in which the great Conqueror might have 
 walked with his brain teemin with ambitious plans. I 
 didn t want to leave the garden it was so beautiful, but 
 
248 Sdmantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 time wuz passin and we went inside and went through 
 room after room, each one seemin ly more beautiful than 
 the one we had seen last. The picture-room wuz specially 
 beautiful filled as it is with treasures of French art. And 
 all the rooms wuz gorgeous with tapestries, elaborate carv 
 ing, sculpture, painting, the most exquisite decorations of 
 all kinds showing what a beauty and pleasure : loving race 
 can gather about it of beauty and grandeur if it sets out 
 to. 
 
 And France shows off well also in manufactures, elec 
 tricity, machinery, transportation, etc. All together this 
 is the best exhibit she has ever made, and she has reason to 
 be proud on t. 
 
 England makes a good show in products and processes 
 in every Exposition building. In the Palace of Varied 
 Industries she gives a model of one of her charming coun 
 try houses, a model indeed of comfort and luxury. 
 
 Her national pavilion is built of red brick and stone and 
 is a reproduction of the Orangery, a building two hundred 
 years old. It wuz Queen Ann s favorite home, and I didn t 
 blame Ann a mite for lovin it. As I walked through the 
 beautiful and stately rooms I thought I would have loved 
 to neighbor with Ann and spend some time with her. 
 
 The gardens outside are so beautiful you don t want to 
 leave em, shaded avenues, terraces, flower beds, yew and 
 box shrubs trained into shapes of lions and big birds. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 249 
 
 Josiah wuz entranced here, and as he stood lost in admira 
 tion of them green animals growin right out of the ground, 
 he sez: 
 
 " My first job in Jones ville is cut out, Samantha." 
 
 As first chaperone I looked at him tenderly and sez, 
 " Don t jar your mind too much, Josiah, don t dwell on 
 tuckerin things." 
 
 " But," sez he, pintin to the green form of the lion 
 growin right out of the ground, " do you see what a im 
 pressive and noble figger the old mair is goin to cut when 
 Ury and I sculp her out of the pig-nose apple tree? We 
 can do it by odd jobs, and the apples hain t good for 
 nothin anyway." 
 
 But I sez, " You can t prune apple trees into figgers, 
 Josiah, it takes different trees, and that is too big anyway." 
 
 " That s a woman s way of talkin ; I want her in heroic 
 size, she s worthy on t. I expect," he went on, " the road 
 will be jest lined with Jonesvillians, and we l see em 
 hangin over the orchard fence lookin on and admirin 
 the beautiful statter, I think I can see her now, head up, 
 tail out, mane a flutterin you ll see, Samantha." 
 
 " Oh, dear ! " sez I, " I expect I will see more than I want 
 to." 
 
 But goin on a little furder we see what put such vain 
 and onpractical idees out of his head. We wandered into 
 a spot where there wuz old-fashioned flowers, such as grow 
 
250 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 in the green meadows and hedges of old England, and there 
 wuz some old wimmen wrinkled and gray, poorly clad, 
 lookin at them daisies and cow-slips and laughin and 
 cryin over em. 
 
 They wuz fur from the old home and the summer time 
 of youth and love, a half century of years and dreary 
 wastes of sea and land lay between em, but these cow-slip 
 blows and daisies took them back to their youth and the 
 sunny fields they wandered in with the young lover whose 
 eyes wuz as blue as the English violets, while their own 
 cheeks wuz as rosy as the thorn flowers. 
 
 When the hull world lay hid in a rosy mist, and they wuz 
 the centre of it, and life wuz new, and hope and happiness 
 gilded the future, and the Fairy land of America wuz 
 beckonin to em out of the rosy mist. 
 
 Fifty years of dusty, smoky tenement life, hard work, 
 child-birth, rearing children, toil, disappointment, pain- 
 where wuz they? They had all gone. They wuz eighteen 
 agin ; they wuz pickin the rosy blooms in the dear home 
 land, and love wuz whisperin to em that they wuz sweeter 
 than the flowers. 
 
 I took out my snowy handkerchief and almost cried my 
 self, the tears just run down my face, and Josiah blowed 
 his nose on his bandanna, and I believe furtively wiped 
 his eyes. But men never love to betray such sentimental 
 emotion, and most immegiately he asked me in a gruff tone 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 251 
 
 for a fried cake, and I handed him one absently and as one 
 who dreams, and we went on and met the girls at the ron- 
 devoo appointed. 
 
 Fd had my supper and wuz restin in my room, Molly 
 and Blandina had gone for a walk accompanied by Billy 
 Huff, and Josiah had gone down to set with grandpa Huff 
 a spell, when Aunt Tryphena come in and said a lady wuz 
 there to see me ; I asked her who it wuz, and she said : 
 
 " I don t know, but guess it is some big bug trash, 
 tennyrate she come in a antymobile that stands to the 
 door without hitchin ." 
 
 I knowed in a minute it wuz Jane Olive Perkins and 
 told her to bring her up to my room. And she entered 
 with more than her usual gushin warmth of manner, 
 and told me the first thing that I grew better and younger 
 lookin every year. 
 
 But I kinder waved the idee off and told her I didn t 
 feel so young as I did twenty or thirty years ago. 
 
 I acted well. (But then I spoze I do look remarkable 
 young for one of my years, and I admired her good 
 horse sense in seein it so plain.) But she looked real 
 mauger, and I sez: 
 
 "You look kinder beat out, Jane Olive, hain t you 
 well!" 
 
 Yes, she said she wuz well, but had so many cares that 
 they wore on her. 
 
252 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " Why," sez I, " you don t try to do your housework 
 alone, do you! " 
 
 No, she said she had ten servants. 
 
 So I knowed she didn t have to do the heaviest of her 
 work, but her face looked dretful tired and disappinted 
 and I knowed it wuz caused hy her efforts to git into 
 fashionable society, for I d hearn more about it since I 
 come here, Miss Huff knowed a woman that lived neigh 
 bor to her, she said that in spite of all Sam Perkinses 
 money and Jane Olive s efforts she couldn t git so fur 
 into the circle of the first as she wanted to, though she 
 had done everything a woman could do. 
 
 Went off summers where the first went and winters too. 
 When it wuz fashionable to go to springs and seasides 
 she went and ocean trips and south and north, and when 
 it wuz the fashion to go into the quiet country she come 
 to Jonesville. 
 
 And now she wuz tryin a new skeem to git into the 
 first, she got up a name for bein very charitable. That 
 took her in, or that is part way in, for her money went 
 jest as fur and wuz jest as welcome to heathens and such 
 as if it wuzn t made out of pork. It went jest as fur as 
 the money that wuz handed down from four fathers or 
 even five or six fathers who wuz small farmers and trap 
 pers in Manhattan years and years ago. Her money went 
 jest as fur as though it had descended onto her from the 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 253 
 
 sale of the mink skins and cabbages of the grandpas of 
 the 400. 
 
 Well, as I say, this did more than all her other efforts 
 put together, and took her inside furder, for givin as 
 much as she did they had to invite her to set down on 
 the same charitable boards where these genteel females 
 wuz settin 7 . And when a passel of wimmen are settin 
 down on one board they have to be more sociable and 
 agreeable like, than if they wuz settin round on different 
 piles of lumber. 
 
 So Jane Olive wuz highly tickled and gin money freely. 
 And now I don t want it understood that Jane Olive done 
 every mite of this work and gin every cent of money for 
 the speech of people or to git on in fashionable life. No, 
 she wuz kinder good hearted and felt sorry for the af 
 flicted. Her motives wuz mebby about half and half, half 
 goodness and half ambition, and that is I spoze a little 
 worse than the average, though motives will git dretfully 
 mixed up, evil is worse than Canada thistles to git mixed 
 with good wheat. 
 
 When some good object rises up and our souls burn 
 within us aginst wrong and injustice and bigotry and 
 such, we may think in our wropped moments that our 
 motives are all good. But most always some little on- 
 worthy selfish motive will come sneakin in by some back 
 door of the heart and wiggle its way along till it sets 
 
254 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 down right by the side of our highest whitest motives and 
 stays there onbeknown to us. It is a pity that it is so, but 
 human nater is human nater and we are all on us queer, 
 queer as dogs. Once in awhile you ll see some rare soul 
 that seems as if all onworthy motives have been driv out 
 by the angels of divine Purity and Endeavor, but they re 
 source, scurce as hen s teeth. 
 
 Jane Olive wuz highly tickled with her success, and 
 then, as is the way of human creeters, when she d done 
 well she wanted to do better. She wanted to outdo the 
 other females settin on the boards with her, she wanted 
 her board to tip higher than theirn, so she took it into 
 her head to build a Home for Fallen Wimmen in that end 
 of the city where she lived. She said that there wuz sights 
 and sights of wimmen that had fallen round there, and 
 sights that wuz fallin , and I spozed there wuz. I spozed 
 that anywhere that Sam Perkins lived there would be 
 apt to be, and she took the idee of buildin a home for 
 em, it wuz a first rate thought, but in my opinion it 
 didn t go fur enough, it didn t cover the hull ground. 
 
 Well, Jane Olive had gin of her own money ten thou 
 sand dollars and had raised nine thousand more, twenty 
 thousand would build it, and she wuz collectin round even 
 in St. Louis when she met anybody she thought would 
 give ; she knowed how the welfare of humanity, specially 
 female humanity, lay down on my heart, therefore she 
 tackled me. 
 
CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 HE talked real eloquent about it, and kinder 
 begun to shed tears. She s a capital hand 
 to git money, she could always cry when she 
 wanted to when she went to school, did it 
 by holdin her breath or sunthin . 
 
 And when I say that I don t want it understood that I 
 believe she did all her cryin that way. No, I spoze she 
 could draw on her imagination and feelin s to that extent 
 and git em so rousted up that she did actually shed tears, 
 wet tears jest like anybody, some of the time, and some 
 she made, so I spoze. 
 
 Well, when she begun to cry I looked keen at her and 
 sez, how much she made me think of herself when we 
 went to school together. And she stopped sheddin tears 
 to once and acted more natural and went on to tell about 
 her skeem. She said female vice wuz stalkin round fear 
 ful, fallen wimmen appeared on the streets with shockin 
 frequency, sunthin must be done for these lost souls or 
 their blood would be on our dress skirts. 
 
 She told me how much she d gin to this object and how 
 much ministers had gin and how they wuz all goin to 
 preach sermons about these poor lost wimmen and try to 
 
256 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 wake the public up to the fact of the enormity of their 
 sins and the burnin need of such an institution. 
 
 She talked powerful about it, and I sez : " Jane Olive, 
 I ve gin a good deal of thought to this subject, and I 
 think this house of yourn is a good idee, but to my mind 
 it don t cover the hull ground. Now I will give five dol 
 lars for the Home for Fallen Wimmen and the other five 
 for the Home for Fallen Men." 
 
 Sez she, and she screamed the words right out : There 
 hain t any such institution in the hull city ! " 
 
 " Why, there must be ! " sez I. " It hain t reasonable that 
 there shouldn t be. Why, if a man and a woman go along 
 over a bridge together, and both fall through, and are 
 maimed and broke to pieces, they are carried to a male 
 and female hospital to be mended up. Or if they fall 
 through a sidewalk or anywhere else they have to both be 
 doctored up and have the same splints on and rubbed with 
 the same anarky, etc." 
 
 " That s very different," sez Jane Olive. 
 
 "Why different!" sez I. "If they both fall morally 
 their morals ort to be mended up agin both on em. The 
 woman ort to be carried to the Home for Fallen Wimmen, 
 the Home for Magdalenes, and the men to the Home for 
 Fallen Men, the Home for Mikels." 
 
 " There hain t no such place ! " sez Jane Olive agin de 
 cidedly. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 257 
 
 Sez I, " Did you ever inquire? " 
 
 " No," sez she, " I wouldn t make a fool of myself by 
 inquirin for such a thing as that, Home for Mikels! I 
 don t know what you mean by that anyway." 
 
 " Why," sez I, " fallen men angels. You know Mikel 
 wuz a angel once and he fell." 
 
 " Well, there is no such place," sez she, tossin her head 
 a little. 
 
 " Well," sez I, " you ort to know, you re from the city 
 and I hain t; but I know that if there hain t such a place 
 it s a wicked thing. Just look at them poor fallen men 
 that are walkin the streets night after night, poor cree- 
 ters goin right down to ruin and nobody trying to lead 
 em up agin to the way of safety and virtue poor fallen, 
 ruined men ! I feel to pity em." 
 
 Sez Jane Olive, "Oh, shawl they don t feel ruined, 
 they re all right, I ll resk them." 
 
 "How do you know how they feel? Take a tender 
 hearted, innocent man, that some bad, designin woman 
 has led astray, led him on till she has betrayed and ruined 
 him, and he feels that the screen door of society is shet 
 aginst him 
 
 " Oh, shaw ! " sez Jane Olive agin. " The door of so 
 ciety hain t shet aginst the man, it never is." 
 
 " Then," sez I, " there is sunthin wrong with the door 
 and it ort to be tended to." 
 
258 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Sez she, " Things are winked at in a bad man that 
 hain t in a bad woman." 
 
 " Not by me," sez I firmly. " The man won t git a wink 
 out of me more or less than I would give to the woman." 
 
 " It don t hurt a man," sez Jane Olive. " And," sez 
 she, " no self respectin man goes to any place that hain t 
 licensed and respectable." 
 
 " If such houses are respectable," sez I, " and the law 
 makes em so, why hain t the wimmen called so that keep 
 em? Why hain t the wimmen looked up to that work 
 there?" 
 
 Sez Jane Olive, " You don t talk no good sense at all." 
 
 " Sez I, " Jane Olive, I am spozin . Mark you well, I 
 don t say they are respectable; I say they are the depths 
 of infamy. But I am talkin from the standpoint of 
 legislators and highest officials, and if they call em re 
 spectable, and throw the mantilly of law and order over 
 em it is only justice to let the mantilly spread out, so it 
 will cover the males and females too. Agin I quote the 
 words of the poet to you, i what is sass for the goose ort 
 to be sass for the gander. 
 
 Says she, " Such things are looked on so different in 
 a man, they can hold their heads up jest as high as they 
 did before." 
 
 "Not if I had my way," sez I. "If the female is 
 dragged off to the Home for Fallen Wimmen let the same 
 
Samantha at the St. Lords Exposition 259 
 
 team come back and haul the men off to the Home for 
 Fallen Men, tie em up with the same rope, preach to em 
 from the same text, let em out when they ve both re 
 pented and want to do better. That s my scheme," sez I. 
 
 " Oh, shaw ! " sez Jane Olive, " it wouldn t work." 
 
 " Why not? " sez I. " I ll bet if that course wuz took 
 for the next five years with fallen men you wouldn t have 
 to raise so much money for fallen wimmen; I ll bet it 
 would ameliorate their condition more than anything else 
 would." 
 
 " It don t hurt a man," sez Jane Olive agin. 
 
 " Why don t it hurt em! " sez I. " If it makes a 
 woman so bad the hull world calls her ruined and lost, 
 and prints her name out in the daily papers, as they al 
 ways do, givin her full name and address and sayin some 
 wild young man (but nameless) of respectable family was 
 implicated, and talks of her as if Heaven wuz shet aginst 
 her, and she has got to pray and repent in sack-cloth and 
 ashes all the rest of her days, and never, never git her old 
 place back in the eyes of the community, it hain t rea 
 sonable to spoze it don t hurt a man a mite to fall at the 
 same time and in the same way. There is no sense in it, 
 and I ll bet if you hunt round in your city you ll find 
 where fallen men are kep hid away till they can repent 
 and reform. 
 
 " Why," sez I, " men s hearts and souls and morals are 
 
260 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 made out of exactly the same stuff that wimmens be. 
 And as I said before, let a man and a woman fall out of 
 a high winder together it smashes him jest as bad as it 
 duz her. They have to be carried off to hospitals jest 
 the same, the same doctor tends em, the same medicine 
 has to be administered to em and they have to come back 
 slowly to health agin. It takes the same length of time 
 to lose the marks of the woonds and bruises, and they 
 have to hobble round on the same kind of crutches. And 
 why under the sun, moon and stars there is any difference 
 in the woonds on their souls and morals I can t see, nor 
 I don t believe you can." 
 
 Agin she snorted and acted real high headed, and sez 
 she, " There hain t no such a Home as that you re talkin 
 about, and never wuz." 
 
 " Well," sez I, " then it is high time there wuz." And 
 I went on real eloquent, " Poor fallen men have been 
 neglected too long and their ruin will lay on our door 
 steps if we don t do sunthin to help em ; I won t give a 
 cent to help fallen wimmen, who have had ten times as 
 much preachin to em and as much done for em, till jus 
 tice has been done to fallen men. Poor mizable creeters ! 
 They ll find out they ve got one friend that will stand by 
 em if they ve never had a mite of pity or help or en 
 couragement held out to em before in the world. It is 
 high time sunthin wuz done for em; and when you who 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 261 
 
 live right in the midst of fallen men come here and say 
 you ve started a home for em, where there will be preach- 
 in to em, and encouragement gin em to repent and re 
 form, when you ve come and told me you ve started this 
 job I ll give, and give liberal." 
 
 She sot kinder demute for a minute, and I went right 
 on, and sez I, " I d have a immense big house built if I 
 had my way so s to accommodate em if I could git a 
 house big enough. And I would set em there in immense 
 rows and let em meditate on their sins a spell and I d 
 have good likely preachers of both sects go and preach 
 to em about fallen men and fallen wimmen, and how 
 they could git up agin with God s help if they tried hard 
 enough to. And I d have pictures hung on the wall of 
 Mikel and Magdaline and them old fallen men castin 
 stuns at fallen wimmen and what the Lord said about it. 
 And then to kinder encourage em and show em to what 
 they might rise up to, if they repented and reformed, I 
 would have pictures of some likely he angels flyin round 
 up in a purer air and 
 
 I wuz almost carried away and by the side of myself 
 with this beautiful and inspirin picture I d cunjered up 
 in my heated brain, when she broke in all wrought up 
 with excitement and borrow with a new thought that had 
 dawned on her: 
 
 " Why," sez she, " if you did that, if you shet up such 
 
262 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 men there wouldn t be a man left outside." And she sort 
 o screamed out, " Where would I git a coachman to drive 
 for me or a butler? " 
 
 " Drive yourself/ sez I sternly, " and buttle too; if 
 that is so, but I don t believe it." 
 
 But she still looked most wild with excitement and bor 
 row, and agin she sez, " It would take away every man 
 in the world! and what would we do for men! " sez she. 
 
 " Do ! " sez I, all wrought up, 1 1 Do without em if that 
 is the case, though I don t believe it; but if it is so it s 
 high time we begun fresh, educate and bring up men 
 babys in the right way, and begin agin ; start a new world 
 with em, jest as you d start a new kind of gooseberry or 
 anything. But I don t believe a word on t, not a word. 
 I believe there are good men in the world, lots and lots 
 of em." 
 
 " I know there hain t," sez she. 
 
 And I sez, " I know there is." 
 
 And we disputed back and forth several times but 
 didn t convince each other. You can see jest how it wuz, 
 it wuz the example of our own companions that wuz in- 
 fluencin us in our opinions. She havin lived with a per 
 fect sardeen and he-wretch, thought all men wuz like him, 
 I nerved up by the thought of my noble-minded (though 
 small) companion held my faith firm as a iron anchor 
 that the world wuz full of good men, scattered here and 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 263 
 
 there like good wheat among the tares, and I felt and 
 knowed that the tearers wuz fur scurser than the wheat. 
 
 But Jane Olive riz up and kinder let her train flop out 
 over the floor, she d held it up as she come in. 
 
 I bid her a cordial good-by and told her to come and 
 see me in Jonesville, but she acted kinder cold and hauty 
 and I hain t much hopes that she will foller my advice. 
 
 Josiah came in pretty soon, and when I told him about 
 it he acted real huffy and agreed with Jane Olive, and 
 resented the idee of a Home for Fallen Men. Blandina, 
 who come while we wuz talkin about it to borry a few 
 needlefuls of white thread, she shed tears and said she 
 wouldn t mortify men by namin a home like that for 
 thousands of worlds like this. 
 
 And Josiah acted puggicky all the evenin . But I 
 knowed I wuz in the right on t. Truly the path of duty 
 is a thorny one anon or oftener. 
 
 We went into the Fair the next mornin by what they 
 call the Skinker Entrance, and we hadn t hardly got in 
 when Josiah sez to me, pintin to a small low house, 
 "What do you spoze they show there, Samantha? It 
 must be pretty poor if they can t afford shingles or a tar 
 ruff." 
 
 And sure enough the ruff wuz covered with straw. It 
 wuz a low buildin built of sunthin that looked like stun. 
 But come to find out it wuz the cottage of Robert Burns, 
 
264 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 and I hastened my steps, Josiah and Blandina follerin 
 on. 
 
 For low as that buildin is, lookin like a ant hill almost 
 by. the side of the high red granite administration build- 
 in , that little cabin holds memories that soar up higher 
 than the peakedest, highest ruffs on the Fair ground. 
 The Home of Robert Burns, the Poet of the People. How 
 his inimitable poetry come troopin through my mind 
 as I walked through the low rooms, there is only four 
 on em, kitchen, settin room, store room and stables. 
 
 I didn t approve of havin the stables so nigh the livin 
 rooms, and should have advised Bobert s wife to stood 
 her ground and not had it. But I wuzn t there, and she 
 gin in probable, and mebby she wanted it so, it wuz 
 handy, you could open the door and milk into your coffee 
 cup if so inclined. The bed is built in the kitchen wall; 
 I spoze they couldn t afford anything better, and tenny- 
 rate that humble bed pillowed the form that will walk 
 down the ages crowned with honor and lovin memories, 
 while many monarchs who at that time rested on carved 
 rose-wood have sunk into oblivion. 
 
 The people are not goin to forgit their poet. He who 
 taught that no matter what the rank, a man wuz a man 
 " for a that." Who sung and dignified the humble pleas 
 ures of the poor. " The Cotter s Saturday Night " will be 
 remembered when many a scientific tome and eloquent 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 265 
 
 poem writ in long words is dust and ashes. And the 
 scathing irony and wit satirizing the ignorant rich, the 
 scorn of meanness and bigotry, the love of liberty and 
 justice the melting tenderness of his love poems, the 
 People he loved and wrote for, will not forget. 
 
 The big open fireplace might have been the one im 
 mortalized in his poetry. There wuz a high clock like 
 the one that told him the hours, anxious hours, weary 
 hours, happy hours, hours radiant with the poet s inspi 
 ration. Despairin hours full of anxiety and dread for 
 the wife and children he loved. It told the hours of day 
 and night too, for Robert did love what he called a good 
 time, and I presoom Bonnie Jean read the face of that 
 old clock with anxiety and weariness writ in her own face 
 when the small hours struck and her Robbie wuz away 
 with gay companions. 
 
 And with what despairin grief did she read its calm 
 old face while her poet writ this sad truth : 
 
 " I m wearin awa to the Land o> the Leal." 
 
 And there wuz a cupboard with blue and white dishes 
 and a sugar bowl that he and Bonnie Jean had used. Oh, 
 warm fingers, tired fingers! how long you ve been dust, 
 and the little piece of metal still endures. Oh, my soul ! 
 the wonder and the pity on t. 
 
 There are chairs, tables, spinning wheel, etc., similar 
 to those that were in the Burns cottage. But there is a 
 
266 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 reel that wuz used by Bonnie Jean herself, I took holt 
 on t tryin to bring to my mind what emotions she had 
 time and agin as she reeled her threads on and off, love, 
 anxiety, ambition, fear, hopes and sorrows; how they 
 twined and ontwined in her faithful breast as the reel 
 turned, emotions stilled long ago, long ago. 
 
 And there wuz the very griddle and toaster with which 
 Bonnie Jean toasted the bread for her Robbie. Many 
 and many a time her heart, I presoom to say seemin to 
 git seared in the burnin fires of jealousy whilst the bread 
 wuz toastin . For Robert wuz a man of many fancies, 
 and though a wife through pride or affection may seem 
 blind to such things, yet burns will smart and " jealousy 
 is as cruel as the grave." 
 
 But many a time also whilst she toasted her bread her 
 heart would bound with joy and pride thinkin of some 
 triumph the man she loved had won, or rememberin some 
 words of love and appreciation he had whispered in her 
 ear, which made the dark world over in a minute into a 
 bright one, for wimmen s hearts beat the same in Ayr 
 or Jonesville, and Bonnie Jean wuz proud of her poet 
 lover and loved him. And he loved her the biggest heft 
 of the time, and mebby all the time; men are queer in 
 such things and their ways past findin out. 
 
 Tennyrate my heart bent in homage to his genius and 
 his bravely borne poverty and sufferin . And I wished, 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 267 
 
 oh, how I wished that some of the pride and honor show 
 ered on him now the world over could have brightened 
 his hard life when it wuz needed. But it wuzn t to be, I 
 wuzn t there to advise folks, or to cheer him and Jean up 
 by my warm appreciation and good vittles. And I re 
 luctantly tore myself away from the memory-hanted spot. 
 
 Molly wuz dretful interested here too, but naterally 
 wanted to ride in the Intremoral railway and see all she 
 could, it bein her first visit. So as I had spoke of wantin 
 to see the air-ships we went there next and then to the 
 Philippines. 
 
 Sister Sylvester Bobbett laughed when I told her that 
 probable Josiah and I would go to the next Exposition 
 through the air. 
 
 Sez she, "You might jest as well talk about goin 
 through the ground." 
 
 But I wuz glad to see that other folks realized the im 
 portance of the subject, for they have given as much 
 space to air navigation as for all the other modes of 
 transportation put together. The buildin covers about 
 fourteen acres I wonder what Sister Bobbett would say 
 to that, the walls are thirty feet high, the lower twelve 
 feet, air tight, the upper eighteen feet lattice work. 
 
 Part on t is a sort of a harbor for their air-ships to 
 light in. They say they need a still harbor away from 
 boisterous winds jest as much as water ships do. This 
 
268 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 is the first Air-Ship harbor ever built. Josiah said it wuz 
 the humbliest buildin on the Fair ground, and it wuzn t 
 a beauty so fur as architecture goes. 
 
 But I sez, " Handsome is as handsome duz ! I don t 
 spoze," sez I, " that Noah s Ark wuz a beauty, but he 
 started a new world with it, and I believe this buildin 
 holds the great hope and promise of the future in the 
 way of transportation, and it looks good to me." 
 
 It stands between Physical Culture Hall and the Hall 
 of Lady Managers. I wuz glad it wuz where wimmen 
 could keep an eye on em and keep em from bein run 
 on. In one corner on t is two stalls, jest as they have 
 horse stalls in barns, but these stalls are one hundred and 
 eighty feet long and forty feet wide. There wuz most 
 ninety entries for the contest. If they make a speed of 
 twenty rnilds an hour they git a prize of one hundred 
 thousand. I would like to know what Sister Bobbett 
 would think of that. 
 
 Josiah said he believed they wuz dangerous, but the 
 head of this company told me with his own mouth that 
 he had traveled over fifteen States in air-ships and had 
 never been hurt or even skairt, and I told Josiah that 
 wuz more than he could say of our wheel-barrow that 
 had never been out of Jonesville. Josiah went out one 
 dark night to shet the barn door and fell over it, and it 
 rared up on him and throwed him ; he wuz skairt to death 
 thinkin it wuz a burglar who wuz tryin to fight him. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 269 
 
 I had to take the lantern and go out and rescue him, 
 and I hain t goin to tell how he kicked that wheel-barrow 
 when he recognized it, and the language he hurled at it. 
 It wuz onbecomin a deacon, and I told him so. 
 
 Next to the Hall of Electricity, the great onseen Wiz 
 ard that sways the world, this Hall of Air-Ships wuz 
 interestin 7 to me, for it is the transportation of the future. 
 Baby eyes blinkin now at the canopys of their cribs will 
 look up and see the blue sky above em cleft by the white 
 wings of great ships of the air sailin to and fro with 
 no treacherous rocks to dash aginst, no forests to subdue 
 or mountains to tunnel, no roads to break, to and fro, 
 back and forth shining white aginst the crimson sunset, 
 aginst the rosy dawn, and the cloudless noon. Oh, what 
 a sight for the eyes that will behold em ! I wish I could 
 stand it till then, but most probable I can t, and I wouldn t 
 want to anyway if Josiah couldn t be there to see em 
 with me; and his health hain t what it wuz, his liver is 
 bad. But I think sometimes that Josiah and I may look 
 on and behold this glorious sight from some cloudy ter 
 race of the Better Country; I d love to if we could. But 
 tennyrate it will be seen by them that live long enough. 
 
 I took solid comfort and lots and lots of it wandering 
 round seeing these immense Travelers of the Sky and 
 askin questions and lookin forward towards the glories 
 that is to be. 
 
270 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Josiah and Blandina didn t enjoy it so much as I did, 
 though Josiah, always wantin to embark in some new 
 enterprise, thought he should go up in one whilst he wuz 
 there. He said he wanted to brag on t to Deacon Henzy 
 and Deacon Huffer. And I told him that wuzn t the right 
 sperit to show, it wuzn t the sperit of a true Discoverer 
 tryin to solve the problems of the future through love 
 for God and humanity. 
 
 And he said he guessed he knew what he took comfort 
 in and what he didn t. 
 
 Well, we rid round considerable so s to give Molly a 
 view of the Cascades and big buildings, and then we went 
 on to the Philippines. This is the largest single exhibit 
 at the Fair and covers forty-seven acres of beautiful wood 
 land and water spaces, and is the largest colonial display 
 ever made. I told Josiah as we walked towards it, Molly 
 and Blandina goin a little ahead, " What wuz the use of 
 travelin so fur to see our new possessions!" 
 
 1 1 Yes, sez he ; " no use spendin so much money. 
 
 This wuz to me one of the most interestin exhibits at 
 the Fair. And I thought it a first rate idee to show off 
 to the world the almost limitless wealth as well as the 
 hard problems that face Uncle Sam in his new posses 
 sions, for like a careful pa he will see that they learn how 
 to take care of themselves before he sets em up in inde 
 pendent housekeepin . 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 271 
 
 We went over a fine bridge, copied from one of their 
 own into the walled city of Manila. Here in one room 
 you see all of its war exhibits, immense cannons, the blow 
 guns of the Negritos ; axes the Iggorote head-hunters used 
 to cut off the heads of their enemies. The Moro cris, the 
 wooden guns and bamboo cannons and home-made pow 
 der used in em by the insurgent army with the rough 
 machinery used in makin it. 
 
 Wanderin on you see the nita huts of the Visayans, 
 big handsome fellows they are and pretty refined wimmen, 
 and hear their weird melodies as they are at work mak 
 ing their beautiful bamboo furniture, and weaving their 
 handsome blankets, etc. 
 
 You see on the hillside the huts of the Negritos, black 
 little creeters. Then you see the Iggrotes, a real village, 
 some of the housen brought from their own land and the 
 rest built here by them from their own materials. It is 
 jest as though you stepped over to the mountains of 
 Luzon and see em at their simple housekeepin . 
 
 I whispered anxiously to Josiah to keep clost watch of 
 his own head, for though they promised to not pursue 
 their favorite pastime till they got back home agin, yet 
 I didn t know what might happen, though I felt he wuzn t 
 in so much danger, his bald head bein so slippery and 
 nothin to lay holt on, still I kep a clost watch on that 
 dear head all the while we wuz there. 
 
272 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Josiah didn t sense his own danger, but whispered, 
 " I m glad enough Bruno is to home." They will eat dogs 
 and dance their war dances, but I spoze I couldn t hender 
 em, so didn t try to advise em. Some on em didn t have 
 clothes enough on to be decent unless you call the tatooin 
 on their naked bodies, clothes. I see Josiah looked at em 
 with interest, and he wondered if common ink and dia 
 mond dyes could be used, and if Ury could handle em. 
 
 And I hurried him on to the encampment of the Moros. 
 Here we see the men and wimmen dressed in silk and 
 satin, but cut after patterns I would never let Josiah wear 
 or wear myself. Some of these Moro girls are quite hand 
 some in their bright striped mantillys, their long hair 
 hanging down under their gay turbans. One of these vil 
 lages is on land and one built on bamboo poles over the 
 water. Jest open sheds covered with nipa leaves. Any 
 one with rumatiz couldn t stand it in em. 
 
 But what took Josiah most of all wuz the tree dwellers, 
 their houses are built up in the highest trees they can 
 find, and they git to em by ladders they pull up after 
 em; as he looked on em I see in Josiah s reminescent 
 eye dreams of summer housen in our ellums and maples, 
 and I hurried him on. Blandina said she could be per 
 fectly happy up there with a congenial companion, and 
 I knowed she wuz thinkin of Aspire Todd ; but she never 
 could git him up there, for his tongue is the strongest part 
 on him. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 273 
 
 We all admired the Native Scouts ; they live in a little 
 village of tents in a beautiful piece of woodland. There 
 are four companies, Visayan, Tagalog, Maccabebe and 
 Ilicano. Their band of music, and the band of eighty 
 pieces of the native constabulary are called the finest at 
 the Exposition. When they march they all seem to be 
 one body; so smooth and even are their movements, they 
 are called the most perfectly drilled soldiers in the country. 
 
 Jest think on t, if they show off so now what will they 
 do at the next Exposition. There are ten large buildings 
 containing their enormous display of art and science, 
 education, agriculture, horticulture, manufactures, com 
 merce, etc. Some of the statutes and pictures are beauti 
 ful ; you couldn t tell some of em from them brought from 
 abroad. But folks don t seem to realize that some of 
 the Filippinos are as refined and cultured as if they come 
 from the middle of Boston. 
 
 Their forestry exhibit is the finest ever brought to any 
 Exposition and contains everything relating to the fifty 
 million acres of Philippine forests, splendid timber, over 
 fifteen hundred different kinds of wood, rattans, gutta 
 percha, dye stuffs, trees yielding oil, gums, rosin, etc. 
 The mineral exhibit shows how rich these islands are in 
 gold, copper, coal and other minerals. In agriculture you 
 see the great display of fibres, Manila hemp which 
 brought em over twenty-two millions last year, ropes 
 
274 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 made from bamboo, cocoa-nut, rattan. Sugar, tobacco, 
 coffee, hats, baskets and other articles made from palm 
 leaves, bamboo, rattan and nito, colored by their own 
 native dyes. In the flower display are the most rare and 
 exquisite orchids growing jest as common there as weeds 
 along the Jonesville road. One interestin display wuz a 
 map built out doors showin more than 2,000 islands, their 
 shape and comparitive size. 
 
 But most of all I wuz interested in the educational ex 
 hibit. So anxious have they been to learn night schools 
 have had to be established. The big normal school build 
 ing in Manila is handsome enough for any American city, 
 and the smaller district and industrial schools are doing 
 jest as good work. Our Government sent five hundred 
 and forty teachers there in 1901, and now we have about 
 seven hundred there. I took comfort in seein the great 
 work they have done, as well as the church and private 
 schools, and how well they re learning and getting along. 
 
 Anyone could spend five weeks at least jest at the 
 Philippine display, and find abundance to interest em all 
 the time in the educational, art, manufacturing, horticul 
 tural, agricultural and other displays, but we hadn t no 
 five weeks to spend, so we had to move on, but I felt 
 proud enough to see what my revered Uncle Sam had 
 done and wuz doing. 
 
 Truly he took a big job on his hands to take care of 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 275 
 
 such an immense family, and differin so widely in culti 
 vation, temperament and clothes, to lead the ignorant 
 ones into civilization and keep peace in the family and 
 among his own folks. 
 
 He ll have as hard work to do it as that widower I hearn 
 on who had three or four children of his own, and mar 
 ried a widow who also had a number, and then they had 
 several, and one day she came callin to her husband, 
 " Come quick ! come quick ! Your children and my chil 
 dren are fightin with our children." 
 
 But Uncle Sam will be on hand, he ll wade right in with 
 a birch gad or a spellin book, jest which he thinks they 
 need most at the time, and settle the differences all right, 
 and I believe it will be a star in his crown in time to 
 come: turning the savages and cannibals that inhabit 
 part of these new possessions into good American citizens. 
 
 I don t spoze I shall see the day when this shall fully 
 come to pass, and mebby the babies of to-day will be 
 great-grandpas before it takes place, but it will be, I be 
 lieve, and so duz Josiah. 
 
 Yes, he s doin a good job by his step-children, I guess 
 they would be called that seein he stepped in when they 
 wuz poor and oppressed and took em under his care. 
 
 I honor him for it, but wish he would do as well by 
 his steal children, the dark complexioned ones stole away 
 from their own land to be slaves and drudges for his 
 white children. 
 
276 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 He ll mebby tell me they wuz ignorant and degraded 
 and wuz better off here than in their own land, but I ll 
 say back to him, " Samuel, Josiah and I would probable 
 be in a better house and more high-toned society if some 
 king or other should steal us and carry us away from our 
 humble farm to their palace. But do you spoze we would 
 enjoy ourselves as well! No indeed! " 
 
 And tennyrate they re here, the problem that lays so 
 heavy on the Southern and Northern heart and conscience 
 and the riddle gits harder and harder to solve. The lurid 
 blaze of livin torches makes bloody blindness in the eyes 
 of them that look on and light them fires. The disgrace 
 ful glare flames out, shamin you in the eyes of the world, 
 and streams up to the pityin heavens askin for justice. 
 
 Mebby you ll tell me you don t see how you can help 
 it, but Samuel, you must try, for though there are here 
 and there oasises in the gloom lighted up by education 
 and inteligence still there remains the great multitude of 
 your steel children that you ort to help, you ort to do as 
 well by them settin in long rows right on your very door 
 step as you re doin for them six thousand milds off. 
 Sinners must be punished by law, else what is law made 
 for? Order must be kep , the helpless protected, but 
 you know, Samuel, that if some of the disgraceful seens 
 that are bein enacted here right under your dear old 
 nose took place amongst your adopted Philippine chil- 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 277 
 
 dren or even amongst your protejays in Turkey or China 
 you would send out a warship to once. I am sorry for 
 you, Samuel, and think the world on you, but faithful are 
 the woonds of a friend; you must hear the truth once in 
 awhile or who knows what would become on you, you 
 might puff up with proud flesh and have to have an 
 operation, and I guess you will anyway before you git 
 through with this problem. 
 
 I presoom you want me to advise you what to do, only 
 bein a man you hain t really wanted to come out and ask 
 me. Josiah acts jest like that lots of times. 
 
 So I ll say to you, I honor you, Samuel, for what you re 
 doin for these foreign children, but I want you to do jest 
 as much to home. I want you to send teachers and found 
 schools at your own expense ; you re four handed and able 
 to do it. And Id no but you had better buy land in their 
 own home you stole them from, buy a small farm for 
 each one that wants to go. Travelers say that in the 
 Valley of the Nile, a country with similar climate and 
 soil to the south land where they wuz born, is an unoccu 
 pied place big enough for each one to have a small farm 
 of their own. I want you, Samuel, to buy this land for 
 em, take em back there at your own expense, all that 
 want to go. There are plenty of the young and enter 
 prising who would go full of the hope of foundin a 
 new republic for their own race, where they can expand 
 
278 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 and grow strong away from parlyzing influence of racial 
 and social hatred. 
 
 There would Be lots of em who wouldn t want to go, 
 and why can t you, Samuel, I d say, buy them a little 
 home here, for instance, on the vast unoccupied area of 
 Florida? Let em have the hull state if necessary; let 
 each family have their little piece of land, and then make 
 em work it ; send teachers, found schools, teach em to be 
 self sustaining and self respecting. 
 
 Samuel would probable sass me back and say, You 
 can t teach a nigger to respect himself and stand upright. 
 
 And I d say, " Tain t so, Sam, but if it wuz, centuries 
 have been spent by the white race in teachin this people 
 to be dependent and helpless, to not think for themselves, 
 to lean entirely on the judgment and justice of the white 
 people (weak reeds to lean on anon or oftener). 
 
 And then I d say, " Samuel, you did a foolish thing 
 after the Civil war, you did it with the best of motives, 
 and you needn t be skairt, I hain t goin to scold you for 
 it, but it wiiz jest like turnin a company of babies out 
 into the world and tellin em they wuz jest as tall and 
 inteligent as their pas and mas and they must go on and 
 take care of themselves, and with their utter lack of all 
 knowledge and strength take an equal part in public af 
 fairs. How could these babies do it, Samuel, I would say. 
 But you wuz gropin along most blind in them dark days, 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 279 
 
 and you did the best you knowed how to then. But when 
 you see you ve made a mis-step you must draw your foot 
 back and start off agin jest like a elephant crossin a weak 
 bridge, Fve seen em go down into the water and wade 
 ruther than resk it. You may have to wade through deep 
 waters to fix it all right, but that would be better than to 
 fall through a weak bridge and break your neck. 
 
 It is because I think so much on you, Samuel, that I 
 talk so plain to you, for I don t want you to git the name 
 Miss Eben Simmons got. She jest spent her hull mind 
 and income on foreign missions and let her own children 
 go so dirty and ragged they wuz a disgrace to Jonesville. 
 I want you and Miss Simmons to not scrimp in your 
 foreign charities but begin to home and make your own 
 dependent ones comfortable. 
 
 I presume I could convince him if I had time enough, 
 but we are busy creeters, Samuel and I, both on us, and 
 Id no as he d have time to argy back and forth with me, 
 but it would be well for him if he did, men must have 
 wimmen advise em if they ever expect to amount to 
 anything. 
 
 But to resoom forwards. These thoughts wuz runnin 
 through my head as we wended our way around, it did 
 my soul good, as I said, to see the progress these Filipinos 
 are makin , and to meditate on the fact how enterprisin 
 Uncle Samuel is when he sets out. Why jest think on t, 
 
280 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 he s taught them Filipinos more English in four years 
 than the Spaniards taught em their language in the four 
 hundred years they took care on em. 
 
 I wuz so proud and happy as I thought on t that I 
 stepped considerable high as I walked along, and I hearn 
 a profane bystander say (wicked creeter to think on t), 
 
 " That woman has took too much stimulant. ^ 
 
 And Josiah sez, " What ails you, Samantha? You walk 
 as if you wuz follerin a band of music." 
 
 And I wuz, it wuz the music of the Future that sounds 
 out in my ears anon or oftener, sweet inspirin strains 
 that even Josiah can t hear if his head lays on the same 
 piller. 
 
 It sings of an ignorant, oppressed race changed into an 
 enlightened prosperous one, this great work done by our 
 own country, this song comes floatin into my ears over 
 the wide Pacific. And another louder strain comes from 
 nigher by made tender and pathetic by years of oppres 
 sion and suppressed suffering that could find expression 
 in no other way than this heart searching pathos. And 
 blending with it, ringing over and above it, triumphant 
 happy echoes telling of real freedom of mind and con 
 science, the true liberty. 
 
CHAPTEB XV. 
 
 ELL, Blandina wanted to go to the Anthropo 
 logical Buildin . She said Professor Todd 
 had recommended it. I should knowed he 
 would choose that spot in preference to 
 any other. I hadn t a idee what it meant, but didn t 
 feel obleeged to tell her so, but spozed it wuz sun thin 
 hard to tackle, judgin from the name, but told her 
 I wuz willin to go to see it or her or him, not knowin 
 which it would turn out to be. But come to find out it 
 wuz everything relatin to the history of man, and spozed 
 that wuz one reason why Blandina wuz interested in it. 
 
 It wuz a monstrous big buildin , and in it and outside 
 on t wuz exhibits from all the different countries of the 
 world, showin the difference in the races of mankind, 
 their difference through all the ages, anatomy, industries, 
 customs, education, different religious rites, games, books 
 and pictures, maps illustrating mankind and his works, 
 etc., and I could fill a dozen pages with etcs., and not half 
 exhaust the contents of the immense buildin . 
 
 Blandina wuz in her glory here, she wuz studyin in 
 full magesty the history of her idol, man. But as I told 
 her, I spozed the term, man, included woman also. But 
 
282 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 she looked dubersome, she didn t like the idee I could 
 see, and Josiah didn t. But I knowed I wuz right, and 
 I guess Molly thought so too. 
 
 This is the most complete gathering of the world s 
 people and races that has ever been got together, and 
 includes different types, from the smallest pigmies from 
 Central Africa to the Patagonian giants. Josiah wuz 
 delighted to learn of the strength of these pigmies, how 
 they kill elephants and rhinocerhorses, and sez he, "I tell 
 you, Samantha, it hain t size that counts, it is most al 
 ways the smallest men that are the smartest, looked at 
 Napoleon and me." 
 
 But I whispered to him to keep still, for he wuz at- 
 tractin attention, and I led the way to see the giants. 
 But he looked coldly on em, and sez he: 
 
 "They hain t thought much on, it speaks about their 
 mean statter in the guide books." 
 
 But I thought to myself how handy it would be to 
 have one on em in the neighborhood to rent out by the 
 day to whitewash overhead or shingle the barn; they 
 wouldn t even have to git up in a chair, and Id no but 
 they could lay a chimbly standin on the ground; they 
 wuz immense. 
 
 And there wuz displays of the works and habits and 
 native surroundin s of the lowest types from the begin- 
 nin of the stun age up to the present finished glory of 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 283 
 
 Jonesville and the world at large. And I wondered what, 
 what would be the glory showed off a hundred years 
 from now, what hites would men stand on, sailin round 
 through the air and comin from other planets to the show 
 like as not jest as easy as we come from Jonesville. And 
 where will Josiah and I be then! That wuz another 
 thought that hanted me, and what would we be lookin 
 on? Tennyrate I hope we will be together wherever it is. 
 
 But to resoom. There wuz the skin housen of the In 
 dians from Mexico and the display of the Ainu tribes 
 from Japan; red negroes from Central Africa, and all 
 the Indian tribes left in North America, so fast meltin 
 away like the leaves of the forest before the march of 
 winter. Basket makers from California and Arizonia, 
 bead workers, arrow workers, all carryin on their work 
 before us and goin through their ceremonies and playin 
 their games. 
 
 And there wuz the tradin post, with the agent cheatin 
 the Injuns jest as nateral as life, so I spoze. Mexico had 
 a wonderful collection, native books on Maguey paper, 
 amulets of gold, sculpture, carved idols, remarkable look- 
 in , though I wouldn t worship one on em not for a dollar 
 bill. 
 
 Egypt, where Civilization first started, had to crumple 
 down and send her best treasures to the fur away West. 
 Oh, how fur, how fur Civilization has traveled since she 
 
284 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 left the Lotus land. And she hadn t better set down yet 
 and fold her hands. She s got a good many jobs before 
 her that I could pint out to her right here in America. 
 
 And there wuz a hull Egyptian tomb, mummies, ancient 
 pottery, necklaces and beads took out of old Egyptian 
 tombs. Oh, where wuz the throbbin hearts that beat agin 
 them with boundin life and joy! So much stronger and 
 greater than the fragile things, yet gone to dust and ashes 
 centuries ago, while these senseless toys outlive em and 
 are brought thousands of milds to be looked on by a strange 
 race. And there wuz scarabes, symbols, strange lookin 
 things as I ever see and piles on em. 
 
 And there wuz a display showing how they first started 
 fire, which they worshipped when first discovered as the 
 Red Flower God, and everything up to its present develop 
 ment. And so with the earliest attempts at makin weap 
 ons, blades of bamboo and wood, hammered copper up to 
 the deadly life destroyers of to-day. 
 
 And in one room wuz the priceless treasures of the Vati 
 can, and a exquisite collection of the Jubilee presents of 
 the Widder Albert carved ivory gems, beautifully set 
 jewels, fans, feathers, leather work and wrought gold, 
 carved ebony, sandal-wood, embroidered silk and velvet 
 caskets, silver prayer wheel (though she never used it I ll 
 warrant, no quicker than I would) gold boxes from Africa, 
 Burmah and all her provinces ; gold and velvet harnesses 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 285 
 
 and saddle cloths, chains and plumes; a chair of state of 
 carved ivory ; kneeling cushion in rich embroidered velvet ; 
 elephants tusks mounted on ebony and on rosewood ; there 
 are thirty cases in all, and as I looked on em, lent to this 
 Exposition by his Gracious Majesty, King Edward VII, 
 jest as willin as I d lend sister Bobbett a drawin of tea, 
 my feelin s pretty nigh overpowered me and I almost bust 
 into tears, but knowin Josiah s state of nerves I kep up 
 and restrained myself in a measure. 
 
 But I noticed Blandina wuz beginin to act restless and 
 looked at her watch, and finally she said that Professor 
 Todd had promised to meet her at the Anthropometric 
 Display. 
 
 Sez I, " I should know that of all the places in the world 
 that would be his chosen rondevoo." 
 
 " Yes," sez she, " he has got such exquisite taste in 
 dress." 
 
 I don t believe she had a idee what it wuz, I believe she 
 thought from what she said that it wuz some kind of men s 
 clothes, or scarf pins mebby. I myself didn t even hazard 
 a inward guess, but made up my mind to be resigned to the 
 sight whatever it wuz and bear up under it the best I could. 
 
 But we found out it included all kinds of measures, atti 
 tudes and angles, photographs, moulds, casts and rates of 
 pulsation, measurements of respiration, tryin to measure 
 and estimate as well as they can the different physical 
 
286 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 values of the different races and people, it wuz a sight to 
 see it. 
 
 Sure enough Professor Todd wuz there, and I willin ly 
 resigned her into his care. He offerin to see her home 
 after the illumination. I knowed he wuz to be trusted, and 
 they went off, Blandina lookin up happy and adorin , he 
 happy, patronizin and lookin down. Both on em con 
 tented creeters. He leadin her a willin victim to where 
 the biggest named articles wuz and explainin em to 
 her in words more n two inches long, I ll bet, but if 
 anybody is happy that s enough. And though it is 
 puttin the wagon considerable ways before the horse, 
 I may as well tell a conversation I overheard between 
 Professor Todd and Blandina later in the day. Molly 
 and Josiah wuz interested in lookin at a display a little 
 ways off, and I d sot down for a spell restin my tired 
 head on my hand, and closed my eyes, for they too wuz so 
 weary I felt I should almost be ashamed to face them two 
 gray orbs in the lookin -glass, for I knowed I had worked 
 em too hard, and no knowin when they would git any rest, 
 for it seemed as though the more we see the more there 
 wuz to see. 
 
 And I sot there lost in wistful retrospection of the view 
 from our back door where there wuz but one object in front 
 of me, and that wuz a plain barn with no cupolas or 
 minarets, or towers or domes on it. No, jest a plain barn 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 287 
 
 with a slidin door enriched and bejeweled when open only 
 by the form of my beloved pardner. And the only vista 
 visible the grassy path that led round the hen house to the 
 ash-barrel, and the only ornamental water, the waterin 
 trough embellished only by the green moss on its sides. 
 
 I felt I d seen too many ornaments, I most knowed I 
 should never hanker agin for a minaret or a mosque, or a 
 steeple or a crescent, or a wavin banner, or gildin , I felt 
 that my heart would never more long and pine for water to 
 squirt up in the air or drizzle down three or four hundred 
 feet, nor for statutes or peaks or pillers. No, I almost felt 
 I should have Dave Yerden saw off the top of the what 
 not because it riz up in a sort of ornamental fashion, and 
 I almost despised the thought of the M. E. steeple in Jones- 
 ville, to such wicked and reckless lengths will over-weari 
 ness lead one. But jest as I wuz rebukin myself to my 
 self, I hearn jest on the other side on me the voices of 
 Blandina and Professor Aspire Todd. He wuz evidently 
 continuing a conversation begun sometime before. 
 
 " Oh, that lost companion of mine ! oh, that beauchious 
 female so humilitous in her sweet humility, so super-con 
 scious of man s superior attainments, she seemingly only 
 existed to minister to my corporial necessities." 
 
 " Well she might, Professor, well she might," sez Blan 
 dina. " Any woman of right feelin would feel only too 
 blest and honored to do the same." 
 
288 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 " I experienced from the first moment my eyes rested 
 on you," sez the Professor in solemn axents, " a sensa 
 tion, or a feeling, as you may say, that you wuz my af 
 finity, that your soul wuz congenial, and every transitory 
 period of time that has progressively advanced since 
 then has but intensified the impression." 
 
 Though I couldn t see her, I could feel Blaridina simper. 
 But at that minute Josiah interrupted the dialogue by 
 askin where Samantha wuz, and I come forward and jined 
 em. Blandina looked radiantly happy, and I motioned 
 to Molly and Josiah to come on, I knowed they would 
 rather have our room than our company. For I remem 
 bered I wuz onmarried myself once, and though my sperit 
 wuz never incarnated in the personality of a Blandina, yet 
 I had a vivid remembrance of the time when Love first 
 laid holt on me, and I well remembered the feelin s I felt 
 at the ardent attentions of a Josiah. 
 
 Professor Todd might not be an object of admiration 
 to me, indeed he wuz not, fur from it ! But one of the last 
 things we learn in life is not to judge other folks attach 
 ments and desires by our own liking, and not to condemn 
 other people for having fur different ideals than our 
 own. I had found out that Professor Todd wuz likely 
 and respectable and well off, and if Blandina had got to 
 git along through life without knowin much, she had bet 
 ter git along with a protector and under comfortable cir- 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 289 
 
 cumstances. So I stood ready to give away the bride at 
 any time, for to tell the truth I had worried about her 
 future, not knowin but I had her on my hands for life. 
 But true to my principles I felt that I would make no 
 matches nor break none, but would only smooth the path 
 for True Love to trundle along in. 
 
 Josiah wuz blind as a bat to what I see, and wanted to 
 know, " What Blandina wuz pokin round with that fool 
 for?" 
 
 Truly men can t see through a stun wall or a matri 
 monial movement with anything like the clearness of a 
 woman. As I wended my way onwards I felt jest as sure 
 in my mind how it would end as I did two months after 
 wards when I see em at the altar. 
 
 But to resoom backwards. Josiah, Molly and I wended 
 our way off to another department of the immense buildin , 
 goin from one display to another, and could have stayed 
 a week and seen sunthin new every minute. 
 
 I took sights of comfort at the Indian schools. Seein 
 on one side the old poor oncivilized way of living, habits 
 and customs ; and then to see what education and culture 
 had done and wuz doing for em, what swift strides they 
 wuz makin along the road that leads upwards. And to 
 see em workin away right before us at all the industrial 
 trades, to see inteligence in the eyes that had held savagery, 
 to hear the inteligent conversation in place cf gutteral 
 axents, I wuz highly tickled. 
 
290 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 And I sez to Josiah and Molly, " I hope Uncle Sam 
 will do well by all the folks he s gardeen over, the Indians, 
 Negroes, Philippines and all, I believe he means well by 
 the hull on em, but he has so much on his hands he don t 
 know which way to turn, and I spoze it will be some time 
 before he gits round to do what he wants to for all on 
 em, and," sez I, " they had better in the mean time try 
 to git along and do all they can for themselves, it will be 
 best for em anyway." 
 
 I wuz walkin along with my Josiah in a quiet part 
 of the grounds, if any of em can be called so, tennyrate 
 there wuzn t many round when I hearn some workmen 
 passin along say, " There is the President." 
 
 And lookin round eagerly and anxiously I see a good- 
 lookin man with eye glasses settin on a bench readin 
 a paper. And I knowed to once that it wuz our Teddy, 
 so dear to the heart of them that set store by manliness, 
 fearlessness, bravery, bright badges from Heaven s mint 
 shinin on the breast of a man faithful to wife, children 
 and country. He didn t look exactly like his pictures, 
 but I knowed pictures didn t always favor their orig 
 inals, specially in newspapers. I wuz highly tickled to 
 see him, for I had some errents for him, and wanted to 
 advise him for his good, and I advanced with outstretched 
 hand and sez Mr. President, I am delighted to see you ! 
 
 He shook hands and said polite, * You have the advan 
 tage of me, mom." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 291 
 
 " Yes," sez I, " folks see your face in the papers." I 
 mentioned my name and then went right on to say, " I 
 wanted to tell you the first thing, I hadn t nothin to 
 do with that slightin piece about you you probable read 
 in the Jonesville Auger. The Nation knew I had writ 
 for it, and for the Gimlet, and I wuz awful afraid you d 
 think it wuz me, and be mad at me, but I m as innocent 
 as a infant babe. Keturah Snyder writ it, and she s been 
 through with trials enough to make her bitter but bein 
 so mad she sez things she can t prove. Now she thinks 
 you could kep her from bein turned out of the Jones 
 ville post-office and you could keep the price of meat 
 down. No use arguin with her, she sez you had it in 
 your power to squelch some of the Trusts, and didn t do 
 no thin but talk. 
 
 And that Post-Office scandal, she said she spozed you 
 wuz goin to make public samples of them stealers, but 
 it all squizzled out, nothin done about it, only jest talk. 
 And you remember she said in her piece, she wuz turned 
 out of the post-office for borryin five cents from the Gov 
 ernment, and bein backward with another five, ten cents 
 in all, and them post-office clerks in Washington stealin 
 hundreds of thousands and nothin done. " Here Theo 
 dore tried to say sunthin , and knowin he wuz such a 
 fluent talker I wuz bound to git my explanation in before 
 he begun, for I wouldn t interrupted him for the world 
 after he got to goin . 
 
292 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Sez I, " I wanted you to know jest what reason she 
 had for bein so mad and writin it, for I knowed you 
 wouldn t feel so mortified about it. The way on t wuz, 
 she wuz in the Office, and hadn t baked that week owin 
 to the cat tippin over her yeast, she s so petickular she 
 won t use boughten, and a hull load of company driv up 
 onexpected at leven forty-five. The baker come and not 
 havin a cent of change by her, and he refusin to trust 
 her jest out of meanness, she knowin she wuz to have 
 some money paid her in the mornin , jest borrowed five 
 cents from Uncle Sam. I don t say it wuz right, she d 
 better made biscuit, but I say she wuz punished pretty 
 hash for that and two other small things, for bein half 
 distracted by her cares, she forgot to cancel three letters, 
 the first mistake she d made in the three years she d been 
 in office. One wuz a drop letter, so Uncle Sam wuz only 
 out five cents. Well, you know Theodore, that when 
 trials come, they come as Shakespeare said, Not as 
 single spiders but hull battles on em, or words to that 
 effect. 
 
 " Eight on top of that Baker come the Inspector. He 
 discovered the deficit of ten cents, and also that other 
 incident, where I got mixed up in the Jonesville P. 0. 
 Scandal. Keturah had to have help in the office once in 
 awhile, and two men wanted to work for her, Nate Yer- 
 den and Sam Pendergrast. She didn t like Nate, and she 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 293 
 
 did like Sam, and I don t spoze it made much difference 
 in her f eelin s, but Sam kep sheep and did gin her yarn 
 for a pair of stockings, and jest out of pure kindness I 
 colored it for her in my indigo dye tub. 
 
 " I never thought of committin any sin, let alone one 
 with such a big name, Misprision of Treason and Malad 
 ministration of Justice, I believe he called it. Why, for 
 a spell I thought I should have to be shot up, Josiah wuz 
 skairt to death, and told him he never hearn of such 
 crimes, and sez he, i I ll bet you can t find em in the 
 Velosipeder. 
 
 " He meant the Encyclepeder, but poor man he wuz 
 most crazy. I emptied out my blue dye and don t know 
 as I shall ever set up another. And Keturah raveled out 
 her stockin s and gin back the yarn, I got off with the 
 a wf ulest talkin to I ever had, and warnin s never, never 
 to trifle in such a heedless and wicked way with Public 
 Matters and the sacred rights of the people. But Ketu 
 rah, poor thing! wuz jest turned right out of office root 
 and branch. She knowed what high influence duz in 
 politics, and she got Thomas Jefferson to argy with the 
 Inspector and tell him jest how it wuz. But he said the 
 dignity of a great Nation wuz at stake and out she 
 must go. 
 
 " Keturah wep and cried, and reminded him the yarn 
 wuz gin back and how small the sum wuz. And he said, 
 
294 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 A straw showed which way the wind blowed, and the 
 Nation must trust its public servants implicitly, or where 
 would be the safety of the people. 
 
 " Then Keturah sassed him and said if a straw showed 
 the direction of the wind in Jonesville, how wuz it with 
 the dead loads and stacks of straw in Washington, sez 
 she, they re so heavy with rottenness and corruption 
 they can t blow. You ll remember that powerful figger 
 of speech in the article. I told her it would make you 
 mad as a hen and I spoze it did. And I felt it my duty 
 to molify you and tell you that a honester creeter never 
 lived than Keturah, and it wuz only these extronnery 
 circumstances that made her borry the ten cents. And 
 workin out by the day and eatin codfish as she duz, 
 makes her more morbid, kinder salts her blood I believe, 
 and she lays it to you onjustly, for meat bein so high 
 that she can t buy any. 
 
 " Ive told her time and agin it wuzn t your fault. But 
 she sez you might hold in the Trusts some if you wuz a 
 minter. 
 
 " She sez you had em in your power once and could 
 made a sample on em but didn t, and so, sez she, I ve 
 got to live on codfish, and the flour trust is bringin up 
 flour so Id no but I ll have to eat saw-dust bread. You 
 remember them powerful metafors in the Auger. I wanted 
 to explain all this and I also had some errents of my 
 own." 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 295 
 
 He made another effort to speak, but knowin his re 
 markable eloquence, and that I wouldn t try to git a 
 word in after he begun, I should enjoy his talk so, I 
 kep on: 
 
 " I want to be open and above board, Theodore, jest 
 as you are nachelly. And that other piece you remem 
 ber that come out about the same time in the Jonesville 
 Gimlet I ll tell you plain that I approved on it, though I 
 didn t write it. You remember it begun with this quo 
 tation: 
 
 They enslave their children s children 
 Who make compromise with sin. 
 
 " And it went on to talk about our great dignified 
 Nation bein a pardner in Saloons, ruinin men, breakin 
 wimmen s hearts, starvin children, committin theft, 
 murder, adultery, arson, help in on fights, death and ruin, 
 jest goin in snux, as you may say with all this for the 
 money got out of it; it said that though there wuz many 
 great evils to face and overthrow, there wuz none that 
 brutalized the race and agonized the hearts of the people 
 like this, and though all sin left its mark, no other sin 
 changed a man so into the loathsome body and soul 
 wrecks, that drunkenness did, and all for a little money. 
 
 " It wuz a powerful piece, and as full of facts as a 
 brick is of sand. It told jest how much money Uncle 
 
296 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Sam got out of every drunkard he made. My memory 
 hain t what it wuz, Theodore, and I can t tell exactly 
 jest how much money it would be in Uncle Sam s pocket 
 to make your four bright good boys drunkards, and finish 
 up the job and land em in the drunkard s grave, via 
 the saloon and gutter. But if you stood by and see it 
 goin on before your face as so many thousands of proud 
 and lovin fathers have to, you would think a million 
 dollars of such blood money wuz too cheap, yes indeed! 
 " That tells the hull story, Theodore, I could throw 
 statistics at you till you wuz black and blue, about our 
 country spendin for what is useless and ruinous to soul, 
 body and estate, one billion four hundred millions a 
 year, and about the hundred thousand drunkards that 
 stumble along into the staggerin slobberin ranks every 
 year, and drop into the drunkard s grave. I could eppi- 
 sode eloquent to you about all this but what s the use; 
 you re real smart and you know all about it. You ve 
 seen on every side on you the beast drivin out the angel 
 in man, you ve seen the staggerin army march by you 
 to ruin. You ve seen the saloons spring up by the thou 
 sands on every side, for the purpose of makin drunkards, 
 you ve seen wives murdered by them that promised to 
 protect em, you ve seen children driv to starvation and 
 the streets by it; you ve seen Poverty drive Prosperity 
 out everywhere the curse fell. And you ve seen nothin 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 297 
 
 good come from it, nothin at all, only the money that 
 Uncle Sam takes with one hand, and pays out with the 
 other, for law s machinery to punish the criminals he 
 makes, and prisons, jails, reformatories, poor houses, or 
 phan s homes, cheap coffins, etc. 
 
 " No use my tellin you all this for you know it, but 
 you love your boys, and I want you to promise me to do 
 by other boys as you d want me to do by yourn if I see 
 the Saloon tryin its best to entice em, and see their 
 bright innocent eyes beginnin to enjoy the deathly glitter 
 on t. You d want me to slam that door to and keep em 
 out. Put my shoulder blade agin it, prop it up with all the 
 strength I could git holt on in law and gospel, so they 
 couldn t git in. And that s what I want you to do, Theo 
 dore, I want you to help keep out other children jest as 
 dear to their fathers and mothers as your children are to 
 you. And you know that you and their mother would 
 ruther see em lay dead at your feet, than to see em 
 enter that door with the doom of the place on em. 
 
 " It s a heavy door, Theodore, loaded down with greed 
 and lowest passions, you can t shet it alone, nor I can t, 
 but I would feel guilty as a dog if I didn t try my very best. 
 Public Opinion backed by Law is what has got to slam 
 that door to and lock it. But you and I can help, and you 
 can do more than I can, and I want you to promise me 
 to do all you can." 
 
298 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Agin I see he wuz strugglin for speech, and I hurried 
 to git my last words in, I believe you want to do right, 
 and I will encourage you by tellin you that Josiah is 
 go in to vote for you, though we hain t got nothin agin 
 Mr. Parker. He s close-mouthed, which is a good qual 
 ity, though it can be carried too fur. 
 
 " A neighbor of ourn had warned her girl to not be 
 too familiar with the hired man, a good Christian he 
 wuz too. And once when her ma wuz gone he asked her 
 where the milk pail wuz, and she wantin to be on the 
 safe side wouldn t say a word. That wuz bein too cau 
 tious, and a good many think he s been a little too mute 
 about some things, he didn t tell jest where his politics 
 wuz. But then the tongue is a onruly member and has 
 to be curbed in, and I guess he means well. And Mr. 
 Davis, too, of course he s gittin along in years. But 
 jest think of Methusaler, Mr. Methusaler s folks would 
 call Mr. Davis nothin but a child." 
 
 Here he blurted right out, " I hain t Theodore, though 
 I ve been took for him before, I m President of a Gas 
 Company." 
 
 I wuz mortified for most a minute, but come to think 
 it over I knowed such seeds of truth as I d been a scat- 
 terin couldn t help but do good even if the sile wuzn t 
 so rich as I d spozed. 
 
I hain t Theodore. I m President of a Gas Company. 
 
 Page 298. 
 
CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 ELL, the next week we had a busy time, Jo- 
 siah and Molly and I went mostly together, 
 Blandina most always meetin Professor 
 Aspire Todd somewhere nigh the entrance, 
 I guess it wuz planned, but tennyrate I wuz willin , plan 
 or no plan. 
 
 And we visited every interestin spot from Morocco to 
 the Model City and from Physicial Culture Hall to 
 Nevada. 
 
 There wuz a meetin that scientific folks held there, 
 and its main aim seemed to be to make light of the re 
 ligion of Christ. It madded Josiah dretfully, and he sez, 
 " I feel it my duty as a deacon to go and give in my tes 
 timony and break up such wicked doin s." 
 
 Sez I, " Josiah you let em alone. You couldn t break 
 it up, no thin but the power of the God they deny could 
 do it. But we ll punish em by not goin near em. That 
 will mortify em and mebby make em see where they 
 stand, denyin the power that gives em the breath they 
 spend in such folly, so when Sunday come agin we went 
 to the same M. E. meetin house and hearn a splendid 
 sermon on what the Christian Eeligion had done for the 
 
300 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 World. And we visited Lincoln s Cabin and I had prob 
 able fifty emotions a minute all the time I wuz there 
 thinkin of that wise, child-hearted man and what he did 
 for humanity. 
 
 And I had about the same emotions in Grant s Log 
 Cabin. Noble creeters, both on em! They wuz cramped 
 for room in these humble homes, and wuz probable put to 
 it for comforts. But they have room enough now, the 
 Great World claims em, and they will walk down the 
 ages together crowned with the love and reverence of 
 the people. 
 
 And Josiah wanted to see the Boer War, and though 
 a war wuz nothin I wanted to see I felt I musn t cross 
 him. And all the while I sot there seein them contend- 
 in armies contend I wuz thinkin of poor Oom Paul and 
 his brave fight for liberty, and at last losin all and dyin 
 broken-hearted in a strange land. 
 
 But onbeknown to myself these words come to me: 
 
 " The mills of the gods grind slowly 
 But they grind exceedingly small." 
 
 I can t look ahead and see jest what they re grindin 
 out for this brave people and them that conquered em, 
 nor Josiah can t. 
 
 And I took solid comfort in the Hall of Lady Managers 
 seein how well they managed. In this Exposition there 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 301 
 
 is no seperate place fenced off for wimmen s exhibit. 
 They carry the idee here that good work is equally valu 
 able when done by man or woman. They claim that 
 works of art, invention, manufacture, etc., are as sexless 
 as religion, and you know our Lord said plain of men and 
 wimmen, " Ye are one in Christ/ 
 
 I wuz glad enough to see it, it seems to bring us nigher 
 to the day of justice and true liberty for all. That 
 glorious day hain t dawned yet (wimmen are still classed 
 in law with idiots, criminals and lunaticks). But by 
 standin on tip-toe I can catch a faint glow in the East 
 showin that the day is goin to break in rosy splendor 
 bime-by. 
 
 I cant begin to tell jest where we went or what we 
 see, enough tennyrate I felt to last me through life, but 
 time hurried on jest as usual and brought the last days 
 of our stay here. 
 
 I told Josiah that I never would go home without see- 
 in President Francis and thankin him for the treat 
 he d gin us. 
 
 Josiah didn t want to go but I sez, " David will expect 
 it of me, it s only showin him common politeness. You 
 know I brought the children up to always thank the folks 
 that entertained em. And such a entertainment as this! 
 Do you spoze I am goin to slight and mortify him by 
 not noticin it and thankin him? No, indeed! " 
 
302 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 Josiah argyed and said that * he guessed if everybody 
 follered David up and thanked him he would have his 
 hands full." 
 
 " But," I sez, " Other folks can do as they re a mind to, 
 I shall do my duty," so I went up to his office follered 
 by a onwillin Josiah, and advanced towards him where 
 he sot alone at his desk. 
 
 He s a dretful handsome man, sometimes smart men 
 are humbly, and it is a treat to find one that combines 
 beauty, smartness, and faculty, for it took more than 
 smartness alone to plan this show, it took faculty and 
 tack, sights and sights of tack. For as I told him, after 
 I d introduced myself and shook hands cordially with 
 him, sez I: 
 
 " I couldn t leave without thankin you for the great 
 treat you ve gin us, and to tell you how I appreciate what 
 you ve done for us. Sez I, " I m a housekeeper and 
 know what it is to fix up for company and how much 
 work it is to git two or three rooms and the front steps 
 and door yard all right for half a dozen folks for jest one 
 afternoon, and then to clear up and ornament as you 
 have more n twelve hundred acres, and have so many 
 visitors come right onto you and settle down for a six 
 months stay, I don t see how you stand it. 
 
 " Why last winter I had six of the relation on my 
 side and on hisen, snowbound to our house for a week, 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 303 
 
 and I thought I should go distracted tryin to keep the 
 house clean, and suit em all in vittles, and some on em 
 jealous thinkin I gin the others a better bed, and the 
 other relation comin in to see em and kinder disputin 
 and twittin em as relation will, and kinder jealous of 
 me because they wuz visitin me instead of them, and my 
 folks callin me extravagant in vittles I had a dretful 
 time. And what wuz it compared to what you re goin 
 through with fifteen thousand visitors settlin right down 
 on you for a six months visit, some on em smart and 
 high headed, some not knowin putty, some good-natered 
 and easy to please, some quarrelsome, some awful petick- 
 ular and fussy about their vittles, some that will eat dogs, 
 some too dressy, some that will go most naked, and 
 hundreds of millions comin and goin all the time, and 
 more than thirty millions of your own folks complainin 
 and sassin you as your own folks will. Payin out fifty 
 millions and mebby called extravagant for it why what 
 a time you re havin ! 
 
 " And I wanted to tell you how I appreciated what 
 you re goin through, and thank you from the bottom of 
 my heart for givin me and Josiah such a great treat, 
 and also Blandina. 
 
 " And if you ever come to Jonesville I want you to 
 feel free to come right to our house and stay as long as 
 you can. Though of course I can t do for you what 
 
304 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 you ve done for me, but Pll kill a hen and make a bag 
 
 puddin , and do the best I can." 
 
 j 
 
 He thanked me real polite and said " if he wuz ever 
 in Jonesville he should certainly come and see me." 
 
 And I sez, " How I do wish it wuz so you could come 
 this fall. We re goin to have a big Harvest Entertain 
 ment for the benefit of the Grange, and you do have 
 such a talent for gittin up sun thin interesting your ad 
 vice would be onvaluable about ornamentin the hall and 
 givin em all a equal show. Of course every mother 
 wants her children to speak the openin piece, and every 
 man wants the best place to show off his squashes and 
 rutabagers. Pomona wants the hall trimmed one way, 
 and Cerius tother way, whilst Flora and Hygea are set- 
 tin on the fence. I d no how it will turn out and whether 
 or not it will lead to bloodshed. 
 
 "If we only had your faculty and your tack to fall 
 back on what a boon it would be, for you must have gone 
 through with as much agin with everybody wantin the 
 best place. 
 
 " But I know it is too much to ask of you with all this 
 doin s on your hands, millions of visitors comin and goin 
 and thousands of help to look after, and I shan t say a word 
 to you about it, only wishin you could be there to enjoy 
 it with us when it is ready. 
 
 " And now thankin you agin for all you ve done for us 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 305 
 
 I will bid you adoo." And I shook hands with him almost 
 warmly. 
 
 He seemed glad and relieved about sunthin as we took 
 leave, I guess it wuz because I thought so high on him. 
 
 And bein wunk at by me, Josiah Allen advanced and 
 held out his hand and said, " how de do," and " good-bye," 
 at the same time, and I sez to kinder smooth it over, " In 
 this world, Mr. Francis, it is hail and farewell time and 
 agin." 
 
 And then we bowed ourselves out, I d told Josiah to 
 be sure and not turn his back. And we got along first- 
 rate, only onfortinat ly jest as we got to the door we 
 backed into the Chinese Minister and his party who wuz 
 jest comin in. 
 
 But then, as I told Josiah as we went down the steps 
 when he wuz blamin me for this contrary temps, as men 
 always will blame their pardners for most everything, I 
 sez: 
 
 " China is used to bein backed into by foreigners, I 
 guess they ll overlook it." 
 
 I didn t bandy words with Josiah, I knowed I d done my 
 duty and that kep me serene. When you re f ollerin a star 
 you don t mind the bite of a nat. 
 
 The last week of our stay in St. Louis Aunt Trypheny 
 on leavin the Fair ground one day wuz struck by the 
 twenty-mule team that perambulates the ground, was 
 
306 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 knocked down and carried to an emergency hospital on 
 the Fair ground. The head doctor there wuz Miss Huffs 
 nephew, and she got a little room for her till she could 
 be moved with safety. 
 
 The day before we went home Josiah went down into 
 the city to do a few errents for the bretheren, Blandina 
 had gone with Aspire Todd to visit a sister of hisen (they 
 wuz engaged), and I had been to work gittin ready to leave 
 the next mornin , and Molly and I wuz goin in the after 
 noon to take a last look at the Fair, and she come into 
 my room as I wuz gittin my bunnet on with her hands full 
 of the most beautiful flowers she could get, and proposed 
 that we should go and see Aunt Pheeny and cheer her up 
 a little. 
 
 Sweet creeter, I hadn t thought on t. The hospital wuz 
 quite a distance off from where we had laid out to go, and 
 I knowed I would be tired as a dog anyway. But not 
 wantin to be behind hand in good works I said I would go 
 with her, and I selected some of the nicest of the fruit I had 
 bought to take home to the grandchildren, and put in my 
 silk bag for her, and put on my mantilly and told her I 
 wuz ready. And then that dear child proposed we should 
 take Dorothy with us, knowin Aunt Trypheny would ruther 
 see her than any Emperor or Zar, and I gin my consent to 
 that, and we sot off, Do tie happy as a Queen at goin with 
 us. 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 307 
 
 Well, Aunt Pheeny wuz glad enough to see us, specially 
 Dorothy. But we found her blissful in mind anyway for 
 she told us the first thing her Prince Arthur had been there 
 to see her and had been gone only a few minutes, and she 
 showed us a couple of gold pieces he had gin her, big 
 enough to bear witness to his goodness *of heart as well as 
 his wealth. She said with her linement all aglow (she 
 never liked her) that his mother had died two months 
 ago leaving him a free man, he had stayed with her and 
 devoted himself to her because he thought it wuz his duty, 
 and since her death he had been on a long journey, it 
 seemed, she said, as if he wuz hunting for something or 
 other, though what she didn t know. And he had promised 
 her that some time in the future she should come and live 
 with him, and sez she, with her characterestic irreligion, 
 " If I had my choice to live with him or in heaven I 
 wouldn t look at heaven." The idee! We give her the 
 fruit and flowers and asked her if she had everything for 
 her comfort, and she said: 
 
 " Yes, indeed! tain t much here like the ironfirmary I 
 wuz sent to in Chicago. I wuz jest as white as you are, 
 Miss Molly, when I went there, and them iggorent doctors 
 jest turned my skin black as tar ; I wuz so mortified when 
 I come to my senses and found what they d done and I wuz 
 a nigger, I jest leaped out o bed and rushed right out into 
 the street, I wuz so mortified. But twuzn t no use, I wuz 
 a nigger, and so I ve been ever since." 
 
308 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 And all the time she wuz tellin this, Dotie s little white 
 arms wuz round her neck and she was pattin the black 
 cheeks. And as she finished she said lovingly, " Pheeny 
 is nice! Pheeny is pretty! Pheeny has got white teef ! " 
 And indeed they did glisten like ivory in the blackness 
 of her face as she held the baby clost to her heart with 
 broad smiles. 
 
 Well, we made quite a long call and cheered her up con 
 siderable by listenin to some more of her most eloquent 
 and unlikely fabrications, and then bid her good-bye. A 
 man s gray kid glove lay on the table and a little book, 
 and she said Prince Arthur had forgot them. 
 
 Well, jest as we passed out of the long corridor, Dotie, 
 who wuz looking back, cried out, " There is Pheeny s 
 Prince Arthur! And refused to stir another step till 
 she went back to see him. She said Aunt Pheeny had 
 showed her his picture and that wuz the Prince that could 
 do anything. Aunt Pheeny I spoze had filled her mind 
 full of stories of his perfections, she said he d gone back 
 to git his glove and book, and she would wait and see 
 him. 
 
 I wuz in a hurry and wuz for goin on, but Molly, sweet- 
 natured thing, said we might sit down on the bench for 
 a few minutes and then Dotie would be willing to go. So 
 we sot down and Dotie begun to state with much excite 
 ment her reasons for wanting to stay, sez she : 
 
Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 309 
 
 " Billy has been hoisting to me that he see a Prince to 
 the Fair, a real live meat Prince. He wuz hoisting about 
 it, and said Aunt Pheeny didn t have no Prince, but I see 
 his picture my own self, and I ll let Billy know that Aunt 
 Pheeny did have a nice live, meat Prince and I see him. 
 And there he comes now! " sez she, she wuz a little in 
 advance of us and could see furder. And sure enough we 
 hearn a quick light step coming down the corridor, it come 
 nigher and nigher, a handsome elegant-looking young man 
 turned the corner right by us, Molly looked up and had 
 the desire of her heart. 
 
 He left his friend s house and Molly, thinking his duty 
 kept him by his mother, and he had decided it was wrong 
 to ask a yotng happy girl to enter the shadow of selfish 
 invalidism with him. He didn t say jest that, but I knowed 
 it from what he didn t say as well as from what he did. 
 The minute he wuz free he had flown to his friends where 
 they had met. The house wuz closed, the family in Eu 
 rope, he didn t know where, he had tried in vain to find 
 her, and wuz jest on the eve of departing for Europe that 
 afternoon to try to find his friends hoping to get a clue of 
 her. Had she not gone to the hospital that day, had she 
 come a little earlier or a little later, had she not humored 
 Dorothy by waiting, they would not have met. That s 
 what worldlings might say, but I didn t say it even to my- 
 
310 Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 self. She wuz safe, she could not have been either too 
 early or too late. She had like a little child, asking its pa 
 for a gift, asked her Lord for the desire of her heart and 
 jest as he promised, he brought it to pass, usin that bare 
 corridor jest as he might the Valley of the Nile, or the 
 Eocky Mountains if necessary. The hull world is but a 
 tiny doorstep leadin up to the shinin pavilion of divine 
 love. 
 
 They wuz led towards each other, she couldn t miss her 
 way, he couldn t. The broad ocean rolled between em 
 and mountain and valley, but they wuz both led by the 
 hand like two little children out May-flowering with their 
 ma they had to meet. 
 
 Well, Josiah met us, accordin to promise in front of 
 Festival Hall, and we stayed to the illumination, Dotie 
 havin gone home with Miss Huff before dark. 
 
 Molly and Arthur stood on the high terrace with light 
 fallin all round em and before em, their faces needin 
 no light, so bright wuz they with heart sunshine. Josiah 
 and I sot a little in the shadder, but where we could see 
 plain. And one by one like brilliant jewels dropped from 
 an endless storehouse of glory, lights sprung out along 
 the front of the stately white palaces, adown the broad 
 avenues they shone in gleamin lines and clusters, and 
 starred with brilliance all the long glorious vistas. Broad 
 beams of crimson, gold and azure changin every minute 
 
" Josiah and I sot a little in the shadder, but where we could see plain " 
 
312 . Samantha at the St. Louis Exposition 
 
 fell on the cascades, the flowers gleamed out from the 
 emerald grass like jewels of every color. 
 
 Music riz softly from the lagoon, the great organ pealed 
 out in triumphant notes, and my heart boyed up on waves 
 of beauty and melody f ollered the strains heavenward as 
 if it didn t ever want to come back agin to earth and 
 Jonesville. 
 
 But as my eye fell on Josiah s face I knowed that where 
 the star of Love went it wuz my duty and joy to f oiler it. 
 He wuz gittin worrisome and wanted to go, and so I sez : 
 
 " Beautiful ! beautiful ! Ivory City, farewell ! " 
 
A 
 
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