PS1A99 MLY, Augustin D38N4 Needles and Pins JN VERSITY OF CA RIV RS DE LIBRARY 3 121001851 6607 - ' LIBRARY UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA RIVERSIDE *A *N 'snsoJ^S MQNIH IBIHdWVd NEEDLES AND PINS A COMEDY OF THE PRESENT, IN FOUR ACTS. (Frotn the German of Rosen.'] AUGUSTIN DALY. AS ACTED AT DALY'S THEATRE FOR THE FIRST TIME, NOVEMBER 9TH, 1880. r NEW YORK: PRINTED AS MANUSCRIPT ONLY, FOR THE AUTHOR. 1884. NEEDLES AND PINS. A COMEDY OF THE PRESENT, IN FOUR ACTS. (Front, the German of Rosen.) BY AUGUSTIN DALY. AS ACTED AT DALY'S THEATRE FOR THE FIRST TIME, NOVEMBER OTH, 1880. NEW YORK: PRINTED AS MANUSCRIPT ONLY, FOR THE AUTHOR. 1884. PS I COPYRIGHT, 1880, BY AUQUSTIN DALY. DRAMATIS PERSONS AND ORIGINAL CAST. ME. NICHOLAS GEAGLE (an elderly party in search of the antique and curious in art, comes across a bit of Nature's own bric-a-brac, and learns the true reading of an Old Nursery Riddle) MR. JAMES LEWIS ME. CHRISTOPHER VANDUSEN (a Retired Merchant^ formerly in " Corks," now in anything but Lavender, who cherishes a youthful memory and finds he has been nurs ing a poetic serpent with an unpoetic sting), MR. CHARLES FISHER KIT VANDUSEN (The dutiful son of the before-mentioned Christopher, with his own little secret romance and its corresponding consequences) MR. JOHN BRAND TOM VERSUS (A spry young Attorney who, not unlike some of his elder brethren of the bar, makes a muddle for his soli tary client, while he feathers his own nest) . . MR. JOHN DREW SERGEANT MACDONALD, of the 99th Precinct, temporarily assigned for duty at the Triton Masquerade . . . MR. ROBERTS JONAH, the superannuated clerk and copyist at Versus' MR. E. P. WILKS BLOT, waiter at the Triton Masque MR. BEEKMAN BOX, the porter MR. LAWRENCE ALSO MRS. VANDUSEN (the home partner of the retired Cork Mer chant full of business in her own sphere and in fact an entire paper of Needles and Pins in her own person), Miss FANNY MORANT MISS DOSIE HEFFRON (a giddy young thing of (date missing), who proves to be an unexpected heart breaker and an unsuspected syren in unexplored spheres), MRS. G. H. GILBERT SILENA VANDUSEN (her niece, a thorn in her aunt's side, though a rosebud in everybody else's sight) . Miss ADA REHAN MISS MARY FORREST (her first appearance this season. A young lady recently come into a fortune; with highly romantic ideas as to its disposal) .... Miss MAY FIELDING CAROLINE (a maid servant of the period, and a solemn warning to all future Eras) Miss MAGGIE HAROLD HANNAH, another Miss LEVERE CHARACTERS IN THE MASQUE AND NURSERY COTILLON. Lahdedah Miss Evesson. Gypsy Miss Shandley. Oaptainjenks . . . Miss Kirkland. The Frog Mr. Sterling. Fanchette Miss McNeil. Januario Mr. Bennett. Gretchen .... Mit-s Donaldson. Tommydodd .... Miss Vinton. Red Riding Hood . . Miss Flagg. The Royal Middy . Miss Weaver. Humpty Dumpty . . . Mr. Wilks. Aladdin Miss Trevalyan. Robinson Crusoe . . Mr. Lawrence. Little Bopeep . . . Miss Hinckley. Champagnecharly - Miss Maxwell. Mother Goose . . . Miss Brooks. The Four Dominoes in Black, by Puss in Boots . . Mr. Macdonough. Miss Vaughan, Miss Williams, Bluebeard Mr. Hewitt. Miss Howard, Miss Featherstone. Mephistopheles Mile. Malvina (Under whose directions the dances are given.) 4 SYNOPSIS OF SCENERY. FIRST ACT. SCENE: The Home of the Vandusens! (By Roberts.) A suburban house to which the retired Cork-merchant has flown for a Quiet which he does not find. Twenty-five years of the Needles and Pins of Wedlock do not deter two or three more couples from venturing. Three Silenas make their appearance to disturb the calm: and the fate of the Whisperer is settled. SECOND ACT. SCENE: The Law Office of Mr. Tom Versus in this City. In which the romantic young million-heiress engages her heart, loses her head, and puts her foot in it. The three Silenas turn up in unexpected force to the con fusion of several people. A Lesson in Dancing. THIRD ACT. SCENE: The Hippodrome Summer Garden decorated for the "Triton" Masquerade. (By Mr. James Roberts.) Needles and Pins make them selves felt in more bosoms than one : and a Domino Riddle which puzzles the players, places one of them at the mercy of the police. The disastrous results of an exchange of roses and of a sip of spiced Jamaica. One of the Silenas is unmasked and another of them unmasks herself, while the Bric- a-Brac hunter is bereft of his prize. Look up ! ! (Incidental to this act will be a duet by Miss Fielding and Mr. Brand and a Chorus and Cotillon of Nursery Rhymes by all the characters.) FOURTH ACT. Returns to the Vandusen Mansion and develops sundry headaches and heartaches, after the dissipation and disappointments of the previous even ing. A Honeymoon to the Ubjibbelooloo ! A new Chinese Puzzle is put together, and the final Silena is quieted at last, while the fable comes to end with a novel rendering of an olo. Khyme. ACT I. SCENE 1. Parlor in pleasant country house near New York. Substantial furniture. Door of entrance c. Door R. to Mrs. Vandusen's room, and door L. to Mr. Vandusen's. Mantel and fire-place R. 2 E. Arm-chairs and sofa L. Window L. 2 E. Small table, with vase, books, etc. TIME. Winter. Morning. ( Winter landscape.'} Music. CAROLINE enters, L. c., with a broom and a bundle of newspapers. Puts newspapers on table. Caroline. Lor' ! how is it one can be up all night dancing and never feel a bit tired, while a day's work does fatigue one s6 ? What a goloptious time I did have at that ball last night. It was the most genteel ball of the season, it was. I just remember one of 'em: Him. "I don't know you to talk to, Miss, but I guess you're Caroline Smith, aren't you ?" Me. " I guess I am." Him. "My sister knew a girl named Caroline. May I dance the next raquette with you ?" Me. " I guess you may." Oh ! it was like a dream. One, two, three and a kick, two and a kick, etc. [Dances raquette waltz with broom for partner and off c.] SIL.ENA VANDUSEN enters, L. D., cautiously. Silena. I wonder if my letter's there yet. [Steals to table and takes a letter from vase.~\ Yes, ma didn't discover it. [Looks at it.~\ Its from Gussie at school. She's a happy girl. No mother to find fault and no horrid old aunt to worry. And yet ma don't want me to correspond with her ! Because it will make me dis satisfied ! So she hunts for letters everywhere. Last night, when I was in bed, she came in to change my pillow, just to see if. I had anything hidden under it. What will happen when I do have a real correspondence which she mustn't see. For she thinks I'm nothing but a child, and keeps me four hours a day at the piano, and aunt says I'm a mere chit and ought to wear short skirts. It's just because she's an old maid and wants to keep young herself. Now I know I am not a child. I am a young person who ought by rights to dress, go out, shop, make calls and receive attentions. [About to open letter, goes to L. looks off. Conceals it and goes to poke fire, R.] 6 NEEDLES AND PINS. MRS. VANDUSEN enters, L. D., in morning costume. A woman of forty-Jive, resolute and prompt. Mrs. Vandusen. What are you doing there ? [To Sil] Sil. [Embarrassed, and rattling the poker between the bars.] Fixing the fire, ma. Mrs. V. Its quite warm enough look at the thermometer. Sil. [ Goes to wall, R. c.] Why, it's only seventy. Mrs. V. [Scrutinizing her.'] Only seventy! That's hardly high enough to account for the color of your face. Your cheeks are as red as if you had been found out in something wrong. Sil. Well, ma, if only a pale face is consistent with a clear conscience, that accounts for Aunt Dosie powdering so much. She'd be turkey-red if she didn't. Mrs. V. Children shouldn't observe so much, especially what their elders happen to be doing. Go and call your father. [Crosses to R.] Sil. I don't believe pa's up yet. Mrs. V. I saw him in the garden at the flowers. Go and do as I tell you. [Haughtily.'] Sil. [Affected meekness.] Yes, ma, I will go and bring him to your feet. [Exits, laughing, c. R.] Mrs. V. That girl is going to give me a great deal 01 trouble. [Turning] She's growing too fast, and begins to understand that she's no longer an infant. [Goes about, and looking deliberately at and into everything] If I could only get my sister off my hands and Kit married to a fortune, I could devote myself to securing a good partie for the child. SILENA enters, c. R., bringing on MR. VANDUSEN, who enters in morning gown, c. R., with watering-pot. He is a pleasant, easy going man of fifty-five. n i Vandusen. You want me, my dear ? Mrs. V. [R.] Yes. Perhaps you are not aware that our new girl Caroline went to a ball, or a party, or something last night. Sil. [Aside] A ball or a party I Happy creature ! Van. [c] 1 hope she enjoyed herself. Mrs. V. No doubt she did, as it was five in the morning when she came home. Van. Then she really must have liked it. Mrs. V. I gave her permission to stay out till twelve at the latest. We must stop this sort of thing at the commencement, or she'll be spoiled completely. You will therefore send for her and give her a good talking to. NEEDLES AND PINS. 7 Van. Who I, iny dear? Mrs. V. Yes, you. I don't wish to be always scolding the servants. It gets one the reputation of a fault-finder atid ter magant, and then one cannot get or keep a decent girl. A few words from a man, on the other hand, will keep the creatures in order without giving the house a bad name. Van. [Putting ivatering-pot off R. c. door.] But, my dear, I don't exactly like to. Mrs. F. Come ! Be a man of inflexible determination for a few minutes. Silena, go and call Caroline. [ Crosses to c.] Sil. [Laughing, and aside, going.~] Papa a person of inflexible determination. I should like to see that. [Aloud.] Yes, ma. [Exits, c. R.] Van. I believe it will spoil my whole day. Mrs. V. [L.] I have laid out my plans, and expect your co-operation. We must live in the country for the sake of economy, and it requires peculiar management to retain good servants. Van. Well, if you and I are to change places, I think we'd better go back to the city. Mrs. V. On the means we have ? Van. Oh, business is sure to improve now the election is over. Mrs. V. At all events we secured a good education for our children. Van. My dear, you talk as if we were reduced to a final crust. Mrs. V. It's little better. All my money gone in the fall of coal. Van. What a pity you didn't put it in ice. Mrs. V. And now I'm dependent. Van. On me and Kit. That's only right. Mrs. V. Hush, here comes the girl. Now be firm. [Crosses to R.] CAROLINE appears, c. R. SILENA follows her and comes down R. Caroline. [L. c.] You want me, ma'am? Mrs. V. Mr. Vandusen has something to say to you. Otr. [Frightened*] Mr. Vandusen, ma'am? Van. [After sighing deeply, affects a stern air, looks at Caroline, advances a few steps, and slaps the table fiercely.] Attend to me. [Folds his arms.] Car. [To Mrs. F] Oh, ma'am ! what have I done? Mrs. V. [Crosses to c., and siveetly.] My child, you had 8 NEEDLES AND PINS. permission to stay out till twelve last night. You exceeded the time by five hours. (Jar. It was only three o'clock, ma'am. Mrs. V. It was five. Was it not, Mr. Vandusen? Van. [ Thumping table, R.] Five o'clock ! Mrs. V. [To Car-} Mr. Vandusen is dreadfully angry. I have interceded all I can, and if you promise never to do it again he will forgive you in the end, I'm sure. [ Going, looks at Van., coughs to brace him up, and exits, R. door.] Car. Please, sir, it shan't happen again. Van. Silence! [Pause.'} Explain yourself! [She attempts to speak] Not a word ! [Looks over his shoulder R. to assure himself that Mrs. V. has gone then pleasantly."} Did you have a nice time ? Car. Nice time, sir? Oh, at the ball, sir? Oh, it was splendid. I couldn't get away sooner. I was engaged for four quadrilles yet, aud three polkas and a schottische and all with the best dancers, too and then I thought as you were all in bed, and I wasn't wanted Van. [Reflectively.'} That's a very good point. In fact she was not wanted. I don't believe my wife gave that consider ation due weight. Car. Yes, sir ! Van. So you enjoyed yourself, very much ? Car. Oh ! very much, sir. They were all young people, sir. Van. [Sighs.] Yes ; that is so. Car. 1 guess the best way to avoid any trouble in the future, sir, is not to expect me till five o'clock when I go to a ball. Van. [Looks at her.~} Yes, I guess that's the best way. I don't believe my wife thought of that simple solution of the dif ficulty. You may go, Caroline. Car. Thank'ee, sir ; is that all, sir ? Van. [Crossing R., sits on so/a.] Yes; I don't think of any thing else, at present. Car. You are very kind, indeed, sir. I'll always come to you instead of to missus, when I want anything. [Exits, c. R.] Van. I don't believe my wife thought of that. [Turns and sees SILENA laughing.] Oh ! you were there. Silena. [R] Yes, I heard every word. [Slaps table in imitation.'} Silence! Go on! Not a word! Explain yourself! [Laughs advancing] Van. [Dubiously] Was I too rough with her ? Sil. Too rough? I wish mamma had been here; it would have done her good. [ Crosses to L., laughing] Van. Well, if she forces me into the housekeeping depart ment, I shall certainly make a mess of it. NEEDLES AND PINS. 9 MRS VANDUSEN enters R. door. Mrs. Vandusen. Is she gone ? [To Fan.] The next time you needn't hammer the furniture to pieces. It's no use to overdo a thing. You have probably frightened the girl. Sil. [Laughing.] I'm afraid he has not. Mrs. V. [Crosses to c.] Is that you, my child? I have a word or two to say to you. [VAN. sits and takes up paper.~\ Sil. [L.] To me, ma? Have I done anything? Mrs. V. Your aunt has complained of you ? Ail. Aunt Dosie ? Van. [R., looking up from his paper] You are a continual source of irritation to your aunt, my dear, because you are young and she is not. Mrs. V. She is not too old to have offers, although she has remained single so long. Sil. I'm sure that's not her fault. Mrs. V. I see an opportunity now for her to settle before her chance is altogether gone. Sil. Pa, how old is aunty? Van. That is something known only to Heaven and your mother. Mrs. V. ' Your aunt, child, is about thirty-five. Van. [Heading.] Reverse the figures. Mrs. V. [ To Sil] Before you came from school, she was the young lady of the family. fc Sil. Why didn't you leave me at school ? Mrs. V. Because we could not afford the expense any longer. Sil. [Gravely.] I did not know that. [To Van.] What must I do so as not to vex aunty ? Van. [Reading.'] Grow old and ugly. Mrs. V. Well, show yourself as little as possible in com pany till she is married. Van. [Same] Then good-bye to company forever. Mrs. V. Keep your very bad jokes for yourself. [To Sil] You ought to keep out of the way of Mr. Geagle, especially. He seems to take a great interest in your aunt. I think she can get him. Van. What, old Geagle ? Ha ! ha ! Mrs. V. [Confidentially to both] I have observed him closely. He loves her. Van. Nonsense. He's merely a bric-a-brac hunter, and runs after anything old and curious. Mrs. V. For shame, Christopher ! [To Sil] Your aunt is a little displeased at his whispering to you in corners. 10 NEEDLES AND PINS. Sil. Yes, but ma, he does so to everybody. Whenever he comes in he sidles up, puts his mouth to your ear, and whispers " Good morning." Van. The same with me. Took me outside, last Saturday, to remark confidentially that it was going to rain. Mrs. V. [To Sil.'] Well, try to keep out of his Way until your father has sounded him with respect to his intentions re garding Dosie. [V AN. jumps up horrified.'] SIL Certainly, ma. You may assure Aunt Dosie that I have no designs on Mr. Geagle. Van. [Advancing.] Did I understand you to speak about my sounding Geagle as to his intentions? Mrs. V. Insinuate to him gently that he's in love. Van. I suppose he knows his own business best. Mrs. V. He'll believe whatever you tell him. Van. My dear, consider. I never did such a thing in my life. Mrs. V. It's time you learned, then. [VAN. about to speak.'] Now don't argue the point. I have maturely considered it and it must be done. [He settles back to his paper.] Silena, I wish you would call your brother. Sil. Yes, mamma. [Going.] She is full of business this morning. What is Kit to do, I wonder. [Exits, c. R.] Van. [R., rising and laying aside his paper.] You must excuse me, this time. Leave me out of the match-making business. . Mrs. V. Now, for Dosie's sake. Van. Do you want me to make that man wretched for life? Mrs. V. Dosie hasn't a single bad trait. Van. With the exception of being a flippant, flirting, fini cal, foolish woman. If she'd been sober and sensible, she'd have been married long ago. Mrs. V. Time has softened every fault. Van. I'll swear it hag removed every charm. Mrs. V. If Mr. Geagle don't see it, there's no harm in en couraging his attentions. He comes up every week, dawdles about her, makes a fool of himself, and her too, and so far it all amounts to nothing. Besides, I must get her out of the way, so I can attend to our own family. Van. Our own family will get along. Kit has got a capital opening. Mrs. V. Twelve hundred a year. Just enough to pay for his clothes and cigars. We must find a good match for him while he's young and impressionable. NEEDLES AND PINS. 11 Van. Now, you are not going to shove that poor boy into matrimony by the neck and shoulders. Mrs. V. I certainly shall not let him miss the chance of a rich wife. Van. Suppose he won't fall in love with her. Mrs. V. Nonsense ! everybody falls in love Avith a rich girl. Van. I differ. All the money in the world will not buy an honest boy's heart. Mrs. V. Don't talk that way. You are to follow my in structions Avithout question. These are matters peculiarly within the province of a woman. Van. Exactly, that's why Mrs. V. That's why you are to obey implicitly. [He drops in chair and rubs his head.] Dosie mairried, Kit provided for, Ave shall then be able to settle Silena. Van. You'll settle them all, I expect. Mrs. y. Marriage is woman's destiny. Van. I say, if you get rid of them all, you and I will be left alone. That'll be very lonesome. Mrs. V. [Haughtily.] Thank you for the compliment. SILENA enters, c. R. Silena. He's coming. [ Comes L.] KIT enters, c. R., young man of twenty-three. Kit. What is it, mother ? Van. What is it, my son? A mere trifle. Your mother wishes to prepare you for immolation on the altar of mammon or matrimony, Avhich, in this case, is the same thing. Kit. [R. c.] Matrimony ? I ? Mrs. V. [Severely to Van] Mr. Vandusen! [To Sil.~\ Go to your room. Sil. [Pettishly] What for ? Mrs. V. [ Crosses to her] Go this instant. [Sits down to sew. Sofa L.] Sil. [Going up L.] But I like to hear secrets. [Goes up, making a face of discontent, which suddenly clears off. Aside.] I'll go to papa's room and read my letter. [Exits gaily, L. D.] Kit. [Sitting on sofa, L.] Now, mother. Give us a iew points about this matrimonial speculation. Van. [Seriously] Nonsense. It is a mere Avhim of your mother's. 12 NEEDLES AND PINS. Mn. V. Kit, listen to me attentively. You have a position with a moderate income. We sent you to college and to a foreign university at considerable sacrifice. We have led you to the threshold of fortune. You must enter by your own exertions. Kit. [Surprised.] At considerable sacrifice ? I thought . Mrs. V. Don't interrupt me. Kit. I beg pardon. Mrs. V. Your father is not in a position to support you and all of us for the balance of his life. Van. [ Warmly.] My love, I can sustain him until he works into a position of his own. He is under no necessity of selling him sell '. Mrs. V. Your generosity goes a little too far, my dear. You are beginning to grow old, and yet you have given up many of your accustomed luxuries. Your club horses wines house in the city and much more. I hardly think Kit will consent to further sacrifices of the kind for his sake. Kit. [Rises energetically] Why, mother father I'd sooner .work at a wheelbarrow I'd no idea Van. [Rising, takes Kit's hand] My dear son, this is a little fiction of mamma's. [To Mrs. V.] You are a very shrewd woman. You know the boy's weak point his love for us both and you would use me as a weight to mould him. [To .Kit] Don't be concerned, my boy. I gave up luxuries that were really hurtful to a man at my time of life that's all Kit. [ Takes his hand] Father, the thought of such a possi bility would drive me instantly to obey mother in anything she proposes, even if it were repulsive to my sense of honor and independence. Van. [ Crosses to Mrs. V] Do you hear what he says ? Your plans are repulsive to his sense of honor and independence. For all we know, he may be in love already. I should be re joiced to hear that he is. [To Kit] Tell me, isn't it so ? You are in love. Kit. [Laughing, R.] Not exactly. Although I may say I have been thinking of one young lady a great deal. Vtfn. [c.] Who is she? What is her name? Where does she live? Is she good? Does she love you in return? But, of course she does. Well, she must wait for you. And you will both be unspeakably happy. [MRS. V. makes a gesture of despair] Kit. [R.] It's impossible for me to answer all the questions. I saw the young lady a year ago, at Silena's school or rather in that place at the church. She played the organ and sang. NEEDLES AND PINS. 13 We looked at each other our looks, that is, I can assure you my looks spoke what I could not utter in words. Van. She was one of the scholars ? [Rapturously ] A sweet, innocent school girl ? Kit. [Hesitating^] No o Van. Oh, a visitor a sister of one of the pupils ? Kit. No. I think she was a piano teacher taken on trial without a salary. [MRS. V. makes a gesture of horror.] Van. [Crosses to R., less enthusiastic.] Hem! Hem! Ah! well, Silena knows her, of course. Mrs. V. [Satirically to Van.] Well, what do you think of it ? Does it meet your approval ? Van. [ Crosses to c., stoutly.] I always believe in first love. Mrs. V. [Seriously.] Perhaps you believe a person must necessarily be unhappy who cannot marry his first love. [ With meaning.] Are you unhappy ? Van. [ Crosses to R., uneasy.] I ? What do why do you ask ? What have I to do with it ? [Sitting R.] Mrs. V. [ On sofa, L.] Very well, you can assure Kit con fidently that time will heal every wound of that character. Kit. [Sitting, L. c., next to her.] Well, mother, have you any particular person in view for me ? Mrs. V. All in good time. Van. [ Gruffly.'] You had better insert a matrimonial adver tisement, or look up a matrimonial bureau Mrs. V. [Dryly.] I have no doubt it would be an ex tremely expeditious way of arranging it. Van. [To Kit, solemnly.] Then look out, my son, for the appearance of a marriage broker a connubial agent who will introduce you to a customer for one per cent, of the pur chase money. There's no telling to what lengths your mother proposes to go. Mrs. V. [To Kit.] It will be time enough for you to know what I propose, when I understand your views of principle in the matter, my son. Kit. Dispose of me as you please, mother. [Rises, kisses her forehead.] My view of principle in the matter is that I should no longer be a burden here. [Exits, c.] Van. [Walks up and down in rage.] A burden! My darling son a burden here! [To Mrs. V.] Your cold, calcu lating, selfish barter and sale of your children is detestable is wicked I could heaven forgive me I could leave you at this moment and forever. ...Mrs. V. [Lays aside her work.] I do not doubt it, for you never loved me. 14 NEEDLES AND PINS. Van. [Astounded, stops.~] How can you say such a thing! Mrs. V. Your mother was not very good at keeping a secret. [Rises.] She wished me to look upon you as a hero and so she 1 told me everything before she died. Everything. [With meaning .] Van. And what was everything ? Mrs. V. That you had been in love with a young girl a governess by the name of Silena Summers. You were both young and poor, but full of hope for you were just attaining a position in life as your son is now, and you were engaged to be married. Van. [In low tone.'] Well. [Sitting near fire, K.] Mrs. V. Suddenly your father died, leaving you greatly embarrassed leaving your mother to your care. You made a proposition to Silena to postpone the wedding, but she insisted on releasing you fully. She said to you, " We dare not wait till your mother's death leaves you free, for as your love for me grew stronger, you might come to look upon that sacred life as a bur den. From that hour my love for you would die." Van. [Looks up.~] Well, was this girl not worthy any man's affection ? Mrs. V. I have not finished. You parted. After a little while you met me. It was your mother's wish that you should marry me and you did. Van. [Quickly J\ Because I loved you. Mrs. V. Is it true ? Tell me then why did you call your daughter Silena, if you desired to forget Silena Summers ? Van. [Rises.'} Have I not been a good husband ? Mrs. V. To be sure you have, and I should have been per- perfectjy happy if your mother had only kept her secret to her self. Van. [Embarrassed.'] But you don't suppose for a moment that I still think of Sil of my youthful nonsense ? Mrs. V. Memories are dangerous things. They are the only ones that grow more beautiful with age. Van. My dear. I have no longer any eye for beauty. The tooth of time ah ! [Sits at fire.] Mrs. V. Gnaws away our defences and lets in the enemy. But don't be uneasy, I'm a practical woman, and know I've no cause for jealousy. Van. Jealousy at our age! Mrs. V. Where there is love there is always jealousy. Age has nothing to do with it. You, I dare say, are not jealous. Van. Now, my dear, do you want me to make you a declara tion of love ? NEEDLES AND PINS. 15 Mrs. V. Not at all. I only wish you to study the happi ness of yourself and your children. Do you really believe Kit will be unhappy because he marries a wife of his mother's choice? Didn't you? And are you unhappy? Van. [Rising, gallantly.'] Nonsense. Why should I be un happy? Just the reverse. I am happy. [Gives her hi* hand.~] Mrs. V. Thank you! I was sure you would be sensible. [Exits, R. D.] Van. [Looks after her] She's a good woman. If sha didn't have such a genius for managing everybody. [Thought/uHy.] So she knew the story of my youth and never spoke of it till to-day when I opposed her plans about Kit. But I've done nothing wrong, perhaps. Yet the recollection of Silena was always a pleasant memory. A shrine to which I fled for repose, after a connubial storm. Yes it was right to expose it, to tear away the veil, to shatter the idol, to close the shrine, and I'm glad she did it. But I would like to get in a devil of a rage with somebody. [ Walks up and down ; sees Silena off L.] Silena ! What letter is that you are concealing? Sil. [Behind scene, L. D.] What letter, papa ? Van. Come out here. SILENA enters, L., embarrassed. Silena. Here I am, papa. Van. I saw quite plainly, that you put a letter in vour pocket. Sil. [Takes out letter.] I wouldn't have hidden it from you. I was only afraid of mamma. It's only from Gussie Archer at school and it makes the tears come into my eyes to read it. Van. Indeed, what does she say? Sil. Sit down and I'll read it to you. [Sits at his side, he c.] Van. Yes, read it, it will divert my thoughts. Sil. [Heads.] "Dear Silena: You remember our pitui > teacher, Miss Forrest, whom everybody liked so much? She h;is inherited an immense fortune from a very distant relative half a million they say. She gave a dinner before she left to all the teachers and to six of the biggest girls. It was delicious. She is very romantic and is going to do ever so much good with her money; to help the struggling and to unite those who are victims of disappointed hopes. She spoke particularly of a pair of young lovers she had heard of a real true story. It seems there was a lovely young girl of eighteen named Silena just like you and who taught music. She was beloved by a splendid young fellow named Christopher, just making his way in the world. While 16 NEEDLES AND PINS. they were anticipating with the deepest happiness the day of their marriage, his father died and left him and his mother in the deepest poverty." [Feeling a tear drop on her hand she looks up and sees him weeping, his head resting on his hand, which is pressed to his eyes; he had listened attentively at first, then becomes deeply moved.] Papa, what is the matter, are you ill? [Puts letter on desk behind her.] Van. [Pressing her head to his breast.] My dear child. Sil. Shall I call mamma? Van. [Holding her to him.] No ! don't call anybody. I am perfectly well. There ! it's all right. [Kisses her, puts her of his knee, rises.] I'll take a walk in the garden, that will do me good. [Exits, c. R., after kissing her forehead.] Sil. [L.] What is the matter with papa? I never saw him that way. I hadn't got to the sentimental part of the story, and yet it was too much for him. [c.] CAROLINE enters, c. L., with card. Caroline. This gentleman wants to see a member of the family, Miss. Sil. [Takes cards, reads.] "Thomas Versus, Attorney and Counsellor-at-Law." Whom does he wish to see ? Car. Guess anybody '11 do, Miss ; he said he wasn't partic ular so long as they was composentus and could testify ineligibly. $tt. [Puts card and letter on table] Ask him in, Caroline. Car. Yes, Miss. [Exits, c.] Sil. I don't believe papa wants to see anybody and mamma's up stairs. I wonder if he's a country lawyer. [Looks off c. and returns] Oh, no; he's city. [Stage L.] TOM VERSUS enters, c. L., hat in hand, is young, lively, well- dressed young fellow. Tom Versus. [R.] Good morning Miss Miss Sif. [Looks at him intently.] What do you wish ? Tom. [R., aside] By Jove! She's handsome. [Aloud] I should like to know if a Mr. Kit Vandusen lives here. Miss Miss Sil. Kit? that's my brother. Tom. Your brother? [Aside] I didn't know he had a sister, and yet I thought I knew all about him. [Aloud] But 'twas ever thus. We imagine we are thoroughly posted about a man and yet his greatest recommendation [6ows] remains un known. NEEDLES AND PINS. 17 Sil. [L., curtseys.] Oh, thank you. Tom. For what ? &7. [Disconcerted.] I thought you were paying me a com pliment. Tom. My dear Miss Vandusen, if your perfections were targets and my praises were arrows, they would fall far short of the mark. Sil. Oh, thank you. Don't do it any more, please. That one hit. [Crosses to R.] I am quite unaccustomed to such flattery. Tom. [L.] Indeed. Then they must keep you away from the gaze of impressionable man. Sil. Well, I'm not secluded exactly; but I have to keep out of the way, 'till my aunt gets married. Tom. [Smiles] How old is your aunt? Sil. Well, both of us together are fifty. Tom. I see. Aunt old ; disappointed, lean, lank, sour and savage. You, young, fresh, beautiful, beloved by everybody. Tyrannical persecution. Immured from the world, but not for ever. Look up ; hope. He will come. Radiant with love and hope. His bright eye flashing, his dark hair flowing. [Running hand through his hair.] His hair will be dark. Chestnut brown. Sil. [Laughing] Allow me to call my brother and tell him you are here. [Exits, c. R.] Tom [Looks after her] She's charming. Now that I begin to find Mr. Kit Vandusen the possessor of such a sister, I begin to take renewed interest in my mission. Let us prepare for the interview. My notes [Takes out note-book and opens it] are full and explicit. I am first to touch lightly on the history of the heroic music teacher and the exemplary son. Then un fold the purpose of a mysterious benefactor my friend and client, Miss Mary Forrest, who has heard their story and intends to make them happy. The lover shall not despair, the maiden shall not pine, the mother shall not die. A competence will be settled upon them conditioned upon their immediate marriage. All complete. [Shuts book and ruminates] I have found the exemplary son, the despairing lover, Mr. Kit Vandusen. I am to send him to Miss Mary Forrest. She will do the rest; reunite him to the music teacher, who has pined so long. I should do very little credit to my own penetration if I doubted for one moment it was Mary herself. She was a teacher of the piano forte, which is the same as music, if you know how to play. Happy Kit. He will get half a million and his long-lost love. 18 NEEDLES AND PINS. SILENA re-enters, c. R. Silena. My brother will be here immediately. Please take a seat. [Points to sofa, c.] Tom. [c.] Will you? [She sits L., then he does c.] I hope you told him there was no hurry. An hour or two makes no difference, if you can stay. [Rises and bows.~] Sil. [L., rises and bows.'] Oh, thank you. Kit can't imagine what you want with him. Tom. I bring him some very agreeable and unlooked for intelligence. Sil. Oh ! is it a great secret ? Tom. It is. Sil. Oh! are you a government official, or something? Tom. No, I'm only a lawyer. Sil. Oh ! Do you dance ? Tom. Dance? It's not exacted by the rules of the Supreme Court as a qualification for the bar, but individually I do dance, and personally I like to. Sil'. [Sitting on sofa, moves nearer to him.'] I'm so glad. I love dancing so much, and young dancing men are so scarce now-a-days. Tom. Do you go to balls? Are you going to the Triton Masquerade, next week ? They give it at the Hippodrome this year, you know. Sil. Oh, I should love a masquerade. But 'till aunt's en gaged I have to stay at home. Tom. That's a poor prospect, to wait for the engagement of a maiden aunt of fifty. Sil. [ Quickly. ~\ You forget that I am counted in the fifty. Tom. [Rises and bowsJ] I could not forget you. Sil. Thank you. [Rises.'] But here's my brother. I must go. [Seriously and bowing. J I have been very much enter tained. Tom. The pleasure on my side has been ten-fold. Sil. Oh, thank you. [Going, aside.'] He's just splendid. [Exits, R. D.] Tom. What an ingenuous little thing; says: "Thank you" for every compliment. KIT enters, c. R. Kit. [L.] You wish to see me? Tom. [R., aside.'] Fine-looking fellow. Mary has taste. [Ah ud.~\ I come on a delicate errand very delicate. Affairs NEEDLES AND PINS. 19 of the heart, the domain of the affections, the uniting of kindred souls, are a little out of the common, as professional employment, but it's got to be done and I'm here to do it. Kit. [ Crosses to R., looks at him, aside.] It can't be possible. ' Has mother actually set a matrimonial agent at work? [To Tom.] It's too absurd. My dear sir, my mother Tom. Don't say a word, sir ! Not necessary it's all right. Your devotion to your mother, your unselfish sacrifice I know all. I sympathize with you deeply. Kit. [Looks at him.'] Do you? [Turns and aside.] It's astounding Tom. [Sits c] But to the point. I represent a young lady who has just come into a large fortune, which enables her to give full sway to the dictates of an emotional nature. Kit. [Sits R. of so/a.] Well, sir you represent this young lady? Tom. Who requests the pleasure of a visit from you this afternoon at four o'clock. Kit. And the address. Tom. [ Giving card] She is stopping at present at my house with my mother, being herself an orphan. Kit. An orphan. Tom. Yes the young lady and a friend of our family from infancy. I am not permitted at present, for obvious reasons, to disclose her name. You will discover it from her own lips. Kit. [After considering card] I'm a little green in these matters. Am I required to say anything in particular when I see her, or wait for her to begin the conversation ? Tom. If you've got anything to say, I suppose you'll say it. I always do. [Crosses to R.] Kit. [Rises] Well, I'll come. And take the greatest pains to act the amiable, and secure you your commission. Good morn ing ! [ Going up c.] It's wonderful. [Exits, c. R.] Tom. [ Watches him off, turns] I like the sister better. MRS. VANDUSEN enters, R. D. Mrs. Vandusen. Caroline said a person had called. [Sees Tom] Ah! You wish Tom. [L.] My mission is ended, my dear madam. I have spoken to Mr. Vandusen. Mrs. V. I am Mrs. Vandusen. Tom. [In admiration] The mother! [Advances with out stretched hands, takes hers] Madam ! I am most happy to make your acquaintance. 20 NEEDLES AND PINS. Mrs. V. [Trying to free her hands.'} What do you say, sir ? Tom. [Releasing her, folding his arms, exhorting her.} Co'ur- age, poor mother. Courage, noble creature! [MRS. V. comes down, looking at him.} It's a long lane that has no turning ; even misfortune must have an end. Mrs. V. My dear sir Tom. You have suffered. You have lost your husband. You will never get another. Mrs. V. Sir! Tom. I mean you will never want another. But you have a son an heroic son, and a lovely daughter. [Catches her Jiands.} Cherish that daughter. She was the first to receive the dove bearing the olive branch in its beak. I was the dove, the olive branch is peace. Peace after all your sufferings. [Hurriedly.} I represent a wealthy heiress Miss Mary Forrest. Now you can guess all. Courage, poor mother, courage ! [Shakes her hands, and at door.} Courage ! [Exits, c.} Mrs. V. The man must be crazy. Miss Mary Forrest? I never even heard the name before, and he referred to my hus band. I'll just call Christopher and ask him what it's all about. [Takes hilena's letter from table.} What's this? a letter to my daughter. Is it possible that innocent child corresponds behind my back ? [Huns over it.} Piano teacher Mary Forrest the very name. [Heads further.} Why, here is my husband's own story related in this boarding school. Let me see about this. [Reads.} " Miss Forrest heard all the particulars from one of the chief actors in the drama, Silena Summers herself. She now declares it her resolution to bring the unhappy couple together. I have money, she says, it shall be the means of uniting those noble hearts. I will search for the devoted lover and son. I .will " [Drops the letter.} Everything is turning round in my head. This person going to find my husband and unite him to Silena Summers! Where is this wealthy lunatic? She must have sent the other insane person who was here just now. And he has seen Vandusen and spoken to him. Good heavens! His mysterious language, " You have lost your husband." Can it be possible they were secretly married? Oh, pshaw! [Sits and holds her head.} It's nonsense ! there's some mistake, of course. But whatever it is, there's a mystery I must solve. [Puts letter in her pocket and rises.} SILENA running in, c. L. Silena. He's coming ! Mrs. V. [Starting.} Who's coming? NEEDLES AND PINS. 21 Sil. [Mysteriously.] Mr. Geagle ! Mrs. V. I can't see him. You stay here till I send your aunt down. Sil. But suppose he commences to whisper? Mrs. V. Don't hear anything he says. [Sternly.'] You and I, Miss, have a little account to settle afterward. Sil. [Aside, and frightened, feeling in pocket] I left my letter on the desk. Mrs. V. Deceitful girl ! Sil. [Crying."] Don't say that, mamma. Upon my honor, I would not conceal from you anything important. Mrs. V. [In tremulous tones, draining her toward her.] You ought to be a comfort to me. [About to push her away, recalls the purpose and kisses her.] Be a good, dear, little child ! [Exits, R. D., hurriedly, handkerchief to eyes] Sil. [Surprised] Mamma kissed me, like papa did. What is the matter with my parents to-day. I know they're out of humor on aunt's account. Why don't Mr. Geagle say what he wants whether he wants to marry her or not. Suppose I ask him. I've a great mind to. He'd have to give me an answer one way or the other. [Determined] I'll do it. I'll secure a husband for aunty, liberty for myself and a waltz with the dancing lawyer. [ Gets L.] GEAGLE enters, c. L., a man about 50, neatly dressed, quite bald, save a narrow fringe of hair around the sides of his head. Extremely smiling and confidential in hi$ address. Looks at Silena, smiles, lays his hat on chair, R., looks again and smiles. Unbuttons a long ulster, takes it off, folds it. Looks for a chair to put it on, L. Looks at her, smiles again, deposits coat R., then comes down, hat in hand, softly. Keeps hat behind him. Geagle. [ Whispers in her ear, R.] Good morning ! [Nods, winks and smiles] Sil. [ Takes his hand, leads him to L. corner, and in his ear] How do you find yourself to-day ? Geagle. [Looks at her beamingly] Pretty well, but I don't sleep. Sil. [Leads him to R. corner, and as before] Why? Geagle. [Tapping his head] Buzzing in my head. Sil. Lor'! what is it? Geagle. I don't know. Perhaps it's because I have of late taken to deep philosophical inquiries. I discuss with myself: Who are you? Why are you here? What for ? Why do you exist ? 22 NEEDLES AND PINS. Sil. Well, what do you make of it ? Geagle. [Looking around.'] Nothing really nothing. Of course, I didn't come on the planet to collect curiosities. That affords employment for about one-eighth of one per cent, of my intellectual and physical faculties. Then what is the rest of me for ? In the evening {mysteriously}, when it grows dark and I'm all alone, and everybody is sitting at home with wives and chil dren, I become depressed. I feel a want a void a vacuum Sil. [Same, to R.] You want a wife. Geagle. My dear, it is only a short time since I have been able to accumulate capital enough to support a wife. Sil. [L.] Then why don't you marry now ? Geagle. I would, but I've been having a race with Time. I've been piling up dollars and he's been piling up years. Sil. That's nothing. All you have to do is to look out for some one who is not too young. Haven't you had your eye on somebody already ? Geagle. [Seizing her hand.'] I wouldn't breathe it for the world. Sil. But I've seen and I know. Geagle. [Same.} I hope no one else noticed it. Sil. No ! No one but I. Geagle. [Stage R. and back.} How clever the children are now-a-days. Sil. So you do love Aunt Dosie ? Eh ? Geagle. I don't know if it's love, not having had any ex perience. Sil. Aunt Dosie is a mighty fine-looking woman. Geagle. Is she? [Crosses to L.] -I'm so near-sighted. At all events, she'd suit me better than a young girl. But I'm afraid of being refused. [Close to her.} Sil. [R.] Why should she refuse you ? Geagle. [Looking around cautiously.} Because I wear a wig! Sil. [Regarding his bald head.} You wear a wig ? [Astonished, walks round him.} Geagle. I don't wonder you look astonished. It's made to imitate nature so perfectly that no one would suspect with the naked eye. Sil. [Getting R. of him.} You amaze me. Do sit down. [Takes his hat to put on. the table, looks in it and draws the wig out of it, aside.} He pulled it off with his hat. [Replaces it and lays hat on table, then sits beside him.} But why should your wig interfere with your success ? Geagle. [R.] Because it's a deception she doesn't dream of. NEEDLES AND PINS. 23 How could I tell her, and yet there should be no secrets between man and wife. Sil. Then you'd marry her if she'd have you? [He hesi tates. Firmly!] Yes or no ? Geagl'e. [Determinedly. ,] Yes! [Rising, goes L.] Well, what these children don't know now-a-days! Sil. [ Calls, L. D.] Aunt Dosie ! Geagle. [Aside, R.] I'm frightfully nervous. [Feels pulse] I can't feel any pulse. And I've got a hot flush with a chill. L ought to have taken a pill before coming out, but I couldn't foresee the crisis coming so suddenly. If she says yes, I wonder if I must hug her or kiss her. I never did. I never could. I'll do it wrong. But she isn't a widow. She can't make any odious comparisons. Sil. [At door, L.] Here she is. [Clasps her hands.] She looks beautiful. Geagle. [R.] Now for it. [Blows his nose and tries to get up an attitude.] DOSIE enters, L. D. A maiden lady of fifty. Mitch over dressed and too youthfully painted. Hair in long braids with ribbons, but not too much of a caricature; quick, active and effusive. Dosie. [To Silena, as she runs in.~\ Did you call me, darling? [Stops, bashfully, on seeing Geagle, then, placing her arm arowid Silena, a-la school-girl, comes down with her.] How do you do, Mr. Geagle? [Giggles with SILENA, hides htr blushes in the latter' s shoulders ] Geagle. [Gasping for breath] Gug gug good morning. [Aside] How dry my larynx is. Sil. Aunt, dear, Mr. Geagle has something important to say to you. Dosie. Me, darling? It's some little foolish, foolish thing, only fit for giddy girls. [Smiles sweetly at Geagle] Sil. You'll be giddy in a minute. Just sit down here. [Places her in chair, C. Crosses to R.] Dosie. What does the child mean? Sil. [To Geagle, whom she takes by the hand and seals beside Dosie in another chair] And you sit just there. Geagle. [Aside to Silena] Don't go away. Sil. [Stands off to view them; to Geagle] Speak up, like a man. . Dosie. What is all this preparation for? Geagle. My dear Miss Heffroii Theodi sia, I believe we have both arrived at an age 24 NEEDLES AND PINS. Dosie. At a what ? Geagle. At a period a period when we ought to think of of you know. Dosie. [Aside.~] It's come at last. [Aloud.'] I don't know what you mean. Geagle. I'm only fifty. Dosie. Oh, years make no difference. Geagle. Oh, yes, they do. I consider that, particularly in your case [Catches a warning gesture from SIL.] I mean, in my case. Let us say our case. Dosie. [Decidedly."] Never mind pursuing that .subject. [Simpering.] What did you want with me ? Geagle. [ With a burst J] To marry you. [Jumps up.~\ It's out. It's out. [Blows his nose as he crosses, and takes stage R.] Dosie. [ With a en/.] Oh, catch me ! [He props her up with one hand and fans, her with a newspaper with the other, which he takes from his pocket. Recovering .] You have so taken me by surprise. I never even thought of marriage. Sil. [Up stage, R.] Oh, aunty! [GEAGLE waves her off. &he goes off, c., and afterwards peeps in, c. R.] Dosie. I had no idea of changing my mode of life. There is everything here to make a young thing like me happy. I was like a bird, joyous all the day long. Geagle. Well, we'll be a pair of birds, and go off and flock together. Dosie. [Both sit.] I can't decide upon the instant. I don't know you, Mr. Geagle. Geagle. [R., on seat.'] You've known me fifteen years. Do*ie. [Sentimentally.'] It seems as if I had seen you but yesterday. Geagle. Well, it was only last Saturday. Now to business. What am I to do, hope ? Is it a bargain, or shall we call it off? Dosie. I must consult my sister. Geagle. Then I needn't go right off and drown myself, eh ? Dosie. Would I sit here if you were indifferent to me, dear Nicholas. [Titters and drops her head on his shoulder.'] Geagle. Dear Dosie. [Takes her hand, then suddenly stops and draws back with a sigh, looking fixedly at her.~] I- think it proper to call your attention to a little defect. [DosiE looks at herself and feels her toilette in alarm'] Oh, on my part. [DosiE relieved.] A a fault a deficiency. Dosie. A fault, a deficiency? Geagle. A big one. Dosie. [Soothingly.] Can't you get rid of it ? \ Geagle. I do take it off sometimes, but I can't get rid of it altogether. NEEDLES AND PINS. 25 Dosie. How singular. Geagle. Look at me, don't you observe something singular? Dosie. You alarm me. Geagle. The fact is, then [Places her on seat.~\ I I wear I wear Sil. [c., who has been watching, holds up the wig.] The fact is, aunty, he wears a wig. Geagle. [Starting away, L.] What's that? [Feels head,~\ Why I didn't have it on at all. [To Dosie.'] And you didn't refuse me, even though I went for you bald-headed. I am a happy man. Victory! [Seizes DOSIE'S hands, and both go skipping over to sofa, L., and sit.] Dosie. Did you think I would have loved you the less on account of a wig. Geagle. The danger is past. Now I can speak. We'll celebrate the festivity by a little wild dissipation. We'll go to the Triton masquerade, eh ? Sil. Me, too ! Geagle. You ! of course. [Motions her to retire.] Sil. [Aside.] They'll do. Won't pa be glad I've taken the business off his hands. [Huns off, c. R. Music. Instantly re-appears, and runs to L. and off, c. R.] [GEAGLE whispers in DOSIE'S ear. She puts her hands before her face, then whispers to him. He hides his face in his hands f She runs over to chair, R. H. He misses her, and looks under the sofa and behind it, then sees her sitting R. with handkerchief over her head. Steals over, lifts corner of handkerchief and says " Peek- a-boo."] 9 Dosie. [Running back to L.] Nicky can't catch me. [GEA GLE folloivs her. Both on sofa, L. He whispers in her ear. She shakes her head. He whispers again, holding up finger, as if asking for one kiss. She hesitates, finally throws her handkerchief around his neck, he getting on his knees before her, back to audience. She pulls his head forward to her and kisses him twice on top of the bald spot.] MR. and MRS. VANDUSEN enter, c., with SILENA. They all ex claim Bravo ! Bravissimo. Geagle. [Leading Dosie to Mrs. V.'s feet, and kneeling.] Mother, your blessing ! [Back to audience.] CURTAIN. 26 NEEDLES AND PINS. ACT II. SCENE. Handsome library, bookcase of miscellaneous books, L. C., and bookcase of law books, R. c. Door of entrance, c. Doors L. and R., table R., sofa behind it, chairs, etc. Music. JONAH, an old clerk, in rusty black, is discovered arranging papers on table, has on white tie, pen behind ear, has habit of taking snuff. MARY FORREST enters, c. L.; she is a young girl of 21, elegantly dressed. Mary. [L.] Is Mr. Versus in his office, Jonah? Jonah. Yes, Miss. He's drawing some pleadings. Alary. Ask him if he will come to me as soon as he is disen gaged. Jon. [ Going. Crosses to L.] Yes, Miss. Mary. And, Jonah, I believe the callers for Mr. Versus are usually shown in here. Will you attend particularly, this morn ing, to showing them to the outer room. Jon. Yes, Miss. Mary. [Going to table, R.] That is all, thank you. Jon. [Aside going. ,] When a body comes into half a mil lion, other bodies go to the outer room. [Exits, L. D., snuffling and shuffling.] Mary. By this time my letters and telegram must have reached the school, and Silena is reading them with more than surprise. She will hear that I have found her Kit. Poor heart ! She had given up all hope of happiness, and it was reserved for me to fill her with joy. [Rising. ~] What better use to make of riches! When I feel her sobbing on my breast when I see him clasp her hand when they are married, and they shall be mar ried I shall have my reward. Jon. [Shuffles in, L. D.] Mr. Versus coming, Miss. He's in a hurry. TOM VERSUS enters, L. D. Tom. [To Jon.~\ Run off and post those letters, Jonah, and try to serve Boggs on your way back. We must catch Boggs. [JON. nods and exits.] Came as soon as I could. [Crosses to Mary.~\ Very busy this morning. Most important divorce case. Lady in a great hurry. [/Site.] I sent you word I'd found your man. Mary. [Sits c.] I want to ask you all about him. You have really found Christopher Vandusen ? NEEDLES AND PINS. 27 Tom. [Sighs.'] Yes, alas ! Mary. What's the matter ? Tom. [Sits next to her.'] What's the matter ? I've found a rival, of course. Mary. A rival ? Do you love Selina Summers ? Tom. Why not ? I presume that Selina Summers and you are one and the same person ? Mary. Don't talk nonsense. You are my lawyer, and a good one extremely conscientious for a lawyer, and I want your ad vice. Tom. [Profoundly.'] State your case. Mary. There is a young man, good-looking, clever, full of life, a little unsteady and flighty, yet brave and good, whom I have known since childhood. [Ton looks at her] He never cared a snap for me all my life, until I came into a fortune, when he an nounces himself deeply attached to me. [He rises, takes stage R. H.] What do you advise ? Shall I trust him ? Come, answer like a sagacious and conscientious lawyer, consulted on a matter of business. [TOM scratches his ear.] Well ? Tom. [Advancing to her] Well, my advice is, take him, if you don't find any one better. Mary. [Extending her hand to him.'] That is exactly what I think. So we'll let the matter rest there for the present. Tom. [Holding her hand] So you are Selina Summers ? Mary. [Rising.] You are mistaken. The proof is this tele gram, I have sent two hours ago, to the true Silena Summers. [ Takes paper from pocket and hands it to Tom.] Read it please. Tom. [Reads R., crosses to L.] "To Miss Silena Summers, Music Teacher. Miss Bunker's Seminary for Young Ladies, Middleburg, Montgomery County, New York." It's a good thing they don't charge for the address. [Reads.~\ "Have found your Christopher. Come on by next train. He will be at my house. All is well. Remember the story you told me. Mary Forrest." Mary. [Rises] You believe in her existence now ? Tom. Well, I have a resource against the disappointment the "remembrance [Enthusiastic] of a charming creature by the way, the sister of your friend, Christopher a delicious little innocent, who always says " thank you," when I pay her a com pliment. Mary. [Surprised] Christopher has a sister ? Tom. A rosebud. Voice like a bell. Eyes like a gazelle. Altogether bright, and fresh, and beaming, like a May morning. Mary. Did you intimate to Mr. Vandusen why he was re quested to call here ? Tom. Oh, yes ! I explained. 28 NEEDLES AND PINS. Mary. How did he take it ? Tom. Well, he didn't appear overjoyed. Mary. He controlled his feelings ? Tom. [L.] Admirably, if he had any. Now, his mother, the widow, she was much more excited. But it struck me she was not altogether the helpless creature we supposed. Mary. She is a most deserving person. Tom. I don't think you'll find her a very thankful one. Do you know it occurred to me that these people may have got over the old fit I mean the original affection. It must be a couple of years, at least, since it all happened. Christopher may have braced up and got another girl. [ Crosses to R.] Mary. Are men so fickle? Tom. [R.] If I may judge by myself, there isn't the slightest dependence to be placed on any of them. Mary. If they are all as honest there is some hope. HANNAH, servant maid, appears, c. L. Hannah. A gentleman, by the name of Mr. Vandusen, has called to see Mr. Versus. Tom. [Rising] I'll be there in a moment. [HANNAH exits C. L., he looks at watch.~\ I told him four o'clock. He's punctual. Mary. [Crosses to R.] Please send him to me. Tom. [Going up] Don't forget you're to have me, if you don't find a better. Mary. [R.] Suppose the " May morning" were to hear you ? Tom. Ah ! the " May morning," what a pity most of them turn out November afternoons. I'll go and rattle off that di vorce. [Exits, L. D.] Mary. [Sits on sofa, c.] I am really curious to see Silena's lover. KIT VANDUSEN enters, c., shown in by HANNAH, who exits. He is carefully dressed. Does not perceive Mary at first. Kit. The lamb is led to the slaughter. I trust the victim is becomingly decorated for the sacrifice. [Sees Mary.~\ Madam ! Mary. [ Turns, recognizing him.] He ! who is this ? [ Crosses to L.] Kit. [Recognizing.'] You ! [Aside.] It must be the same ! That Sunday at the church. How is it possible? Mary. [Aside.] It is he, and he belongs to another. I have brought them together. What a destiny is mine? [Leans against table for support] NEEDLES AND PINS. 29 Kit. [Hastens to her. ,] You are ill ; can I assist you ? [She drops in seat.~\ Mary. [Motions him away coldly.~] Pray be seated. Kit. I thought you were about to fall. Mary. No I only sat down energetically, that's all. Kit. [Aside.'] I'll marry her, of course that's all right. But how fortunate ; mother might have proposed somebody else and then [Shudders.'] Mary. Please take a seat. Kit. [Sits, c.] I am at your service. Mary. You are aware, I suppose, why you were sent for. Kit. Certainly. I had a conversation with my mother, this morning. Mary. Your mother seems to take more interest in the matter than you. Kit. I confess I was indifferent, but now that I find you are the person who or the person which Mary. [L.] Let us talk of your affairs. You are willing to be married ? Kit. If you wish it with the greatest pleasure. Mary. How much of a dowry do you think a bride ought to bring ? Kit. [Entreating.'] Don't let us talk of money. Let us speak of the time when we first met when our souls, stirred by the solemn tones of the organ sought expression for their feel ings and spoke to each other through our glances. Mary. [Rising, excited.] How can you talk in this strain to me ! Do you forget that you are going to be married ? Kit. [Rising and ardently seizes her hand.] Yes ; and I felt I ought, for that reason most of all, to show you that from the first moment our eyes met Mary. [ Crosses to c.] Not a word more. Tell me what sum of money a bride ought Kit. Do you can you believe me capable of entertaining one sordid thought in your presence ? Mary. [Agitated.~\ The sum ! The sum ! Kit. I refuse to discuss the topic. With me marriage is too sacred for the intrusion of a selfish thought. HANNAH appears, c. Mary. [To her. ~] What is it? Hannah. Lady, miss. Says she is Mrs. Vandusen. Kit. Mother ! [Aside.] Come to see how I'm getting on. Mar-y. [ To Kit.~] I'm exceedingly glad. She, at least, will 30 NEEDLES AND PINS. discuss this matter in a practical way. [ To Han.~] Ask her to come in. Kit. [To Han.'] Wait a moment. [To Mary.'] Allow me to withdraw. I don't wish to meet mother here. I'm not anxious to hear a practical discussion of the topic between you. I have some sense of shame in the matter. Mary. [Points R.; he crosses.] You can step into that room, but do not leave until I speak with you again. Kit. I will wait. [Aside, going.'] Heavens, is there no youth no love even in her. [Exits, R. 1 E.] Mary. [To Han.~\ Ask Mrs. Vandusen to enter. [HAN. exits, c] Will Silena ever know the sacrifice I am making for her sake ? MRS. VANDUSEN enters, c. L., shown in by HANNAH, who exits, C. L. Mrs. Vandusen. Have I the honor of addressing Miss For rest ? Mary. [Graciously.'] Mrs. Vandusen? I am delighted to see you. You are exceedingly welcome. [They sit.] Mrs. V. You are extremely kind. Mary. I should find it hard to be otherwise to one who had suffered so much one who has the misfortune to be left a widow Mrs. V. [Rising suddenly. ] Widow again ! Mary. [Slightly amazed, R.] I beg your pardon, but let us come to the point. I expect Silena Summers to-day. Mrs. V. [Smothered excitement.] Do you, indeed. Mary. I telegraphed for her this morning. Mrs. V. [c., aside] This is dreadful. [Sits] Mary. You don't appear to believe that I can effect the arrangement I propose. Mrs. V. [With burst.] But what arrangement in heaven's name do you propose ? Mary. Well, to be practical, I intend to advance the neces sary funds to remove all obstacles to her happiness. How much do you require ? Mrs. V. [Controlling her voice with an effort] My dear young lady, will you first do me the favor to explain by what right you meddle in my affairs ? Mary. Silena is my friend. Mrs. V. [More forcible] By what authority do you dare imperil my legal and lawful claims upon Mr. Vandusen? Mary. Why, don't you understand, I propose to put her in a position to claim him as her own. NEEDLES AND PINS. 31 Mrs. V. [Rising, excitedly.'] And do you think, madam, that because you have come into a fortune, you have the right or the power to take away a woman's husband and the father of her children ? Pray, don't forget, my dear young lady, that we have the police [MARY rises in alarm], and the laws and "the courts to stop any such proceedings. [Crosses to R.] Mary. Do you mean to say that he is married and has chil dren. Christopher married ! Mrs. V. Don't you presume to call my husband by his Christian name. Mary. Your husband? But he's dead, isn't he ? Mrs. V. This is too much. [Shrieks and falls in chair, ] Mary. [Bewildered.] There must be some mistake. Mrs. V. [Rising.] There's no mistake. My husband was in love with Silena Summers he gave her up for reasons that were sufficient and commendable and this was twenty-five years ago. Mary. Twenty-five years ago? Why, the Silena I mean is not twenty-five years old. JONAH enters, c., with envelope. Jonah. Telegram, miss. Just come. [Hands it to MARY, who opens it he goes, and aside.] The fellows proposing by telegraph. Lord, what draft there is in half a million ! [Exits, c] Mary. From Silena herself. Now we shall see. [Reads] " Your message is quite a puzzle. I dp not know any Chris topher The story I related to you was that of my mother. Silena." [JsiWe.j What have I been doing? How can I ex plain or apologize. [To Mrs. V] You see, madam, it was an error, and all on my part. Mrs. V. [Pre-occupied with another idea.] Yes yes I understand. But what is the name of this daughter this [Points to telegram] Mary. Silena Summers. Mrs. V. Why, that was her mother's. How can it be hers! [Crosses to L.] Who was her father? [In thrilling tone] Mary. I don't know. Mrs. V. She does not bear his name, because because she has no father. Mary. But she must Mrs. V. No legal father. It is shocking. [ Crosses to R.] Mary. Who can he be ? Mrs. V. [Seizing her arm] I know him. I know him too well and he shall know I know him. [ Up and doivn stage.] 32 NEEDLES AND PINS. Mary. I hope that you will forgive me, that in following the promptings of a generous impulse, I have committed this folly. I regret having caused you unnecessary excitement. It will be a good lesson to me. I needed one. [Crosses to R.] Mrs. V. [Advancing to her.] Don't apologize, my child, you have done me a great service. I am not angry with you. Dark deeds will come to light. My duty now is to sift this mystery to the depths. [Wrings Mary's hand and going up c., aside.] Oh, Christopher ! Christopher ! What have you done ? [Exits, c. L.] Mary. [Solus] I do believe it's all Tom's fault. Hunting for a son he's found the father or rather looking for the father he's brought me the son. [Her face begins to brighten.] But Christopher here and not Silena's lover. I believe it's all for the best. He is free and seemed to take a great interest in every thing relating to me. Gracious me ! How much better I feel now that I'm not doing anything benevolent. [Pushes door open] Mr. Vandusen, we are alone. [ Comes down.] . KIT enters nervously, R. D. Kit. I suppose my mother entered into your views very promptly and thoroughly. I heard her talking quite forcibly. Mary. [Laughing.] There was a misunderstanding on both sides. Kit. Yes, I thought so from her tone. Mary. But never mind, it has made us acquainted oddly enough but let's be thankful all the same. Kit. Then we do not refer to the financial topic again. Mary. [Confused.'] Spare me. I deserve your ridicule. [Sits down and indicates sofa to him] Won't you be seated. I believe there is nothing more to detain you. Kit. [Sitting.] I'll go immediately. [Pause] Do you mean to send me away now ? [Rises] Mary. No not at all. [Rises embarrassed] Unless you wish [Sits he sits] to chat about Kit. [Drawing a little nearer to her.] I should dearly love to chat about Mary. You left the school and the village very suddenly. Kit. [ Quickly.] Before I could manage to procure an intro duction to you, I was summoned home to take a position that was offered Mary. I left suddenly, too, to take a new position for me that of an heiress. Kit. [Advances, sits next to her] I congratulate you with all my heart, you are so good. NEEDLES AND PINS. 33 Mary. How do you know I am so good ? Kit. [Moves closer.] You remember the first time I saw you, it was in church sifter all had gone you knelt and prayed. I don't believe any one could be guilty of wearing a mask in such a place. Mary. [Coquettishly.] Don't be too sure. I knew you were watching me. Kit. You knew it you felt it. [Embarrassed.] You have no family no friends? Mary. I am an orphan. [Pause, both look at the floor.] Kit. [Sighs] I suppose it is time for me to go. Mary. If you have business. Kit. Oh no! it's after four the office is closed. Besides, I took a half holiday to-day, and I'm spending it with you. Mary. [ Gives him her hand] I should like you to spend a whole holiday now and then with me. MR. VANDUSEN and SILENA appear, c., but seeing Kit and Mary, retreat, c. L. Kit. [Overjoyed] All if you'll let me. [Knock outride] Did you hear a knock ? [Rises] Mary. [Rises] It's strange ! Come in ! MR. VANDUSEN and SILENA appear at door, c., and look in. Vandusen. I beg your pardon. We found the front door open. Somebody must have- gone out in a hurry. We came to see Mr. Versus, the lawyer. [Recognizes Kit.] Why, my son, you here ? Silena. [Crosses to R. c., recognizes Mary] Good gracious! there's Mary Forrest [Running to her and embrace], the "Beauti ful." You know that's what we always called you. Our last teacher was the " Griffin," and the one before her was the " Cat." Mary. [R., embraces her heartily] Little Silena! I never knew your other name. [ They chat together vivaciomly] Van. [Coming down to Kit] What are you doing here with this young lady ? Kit. [Drawing Van. down, L.] Sh ! Don't you remember mother's plans for my settlement in life ? Van. [ Vigorously] Which I detest. Kit. I intend to meet her wishes fully. Van. [Sarcastically] What a good boy you are. But I won't have any such sacrifice. I'll set this matter right at 34 NEEDLES AND PINS. once. [Turning to Mary.'] My dear young lady. [She comes down."] Kit. [Pulling his coat] Father, let me explain Van. [Trying to release his coat tails.] My dear young lady Let me alone. [To Kit] Kit. [Same business."] But I tell you Van. [Releasing himself ] I do not wish to be told I under stand everything. [To Mary] My dear Mary. [ Crosses to R. c.] If you are looking for Mr. Versus, his office is the next room. He has kindly surrendered his library to me. Van. [Loftily.'] I was in search of that gentleman, but at present my business is with you. Mary. With me? Van. And I beg a private interview for a few moments. Mary. With the greatest pleasure. Kit. Father, you will certainly do me a very great injury. Van. No, my boy. I'll prevent you doing yourself an injury. Mary. [To Kit.] Will you consent to be banished to that little room again ? [Pointing R.] Kit. [Crosses to her] I Mary. Are you afraid of what your father has to tell me ? Kit . [ Going to R.] I am afraid of nothing. [ Aside] All's lost. [Exits, R. D.] Van. [Perceiving Sil., who has been watching with interest] Have you got another room we can put this child into ? Mary. If you like she can take your message to Mr. Versus. Sil. [Alarmed] Oh, I couldn't. Van. The very thing. We have come to get a little mar riage settlement drawn up. She knows all about the names, ages, and other particulars of the delinquents, and can give the lawyer all the points. The delinquents will follow within half an hour to sign. SiL [Solemnly, c.] Papa, do you really intend to send me to the lawyer ? Van. Certainly he won't eat you. Mary. [Touching bell] We can call him. Sil. But, papa, I don't know anything about marriage set tlements. Van. You made the match and you had better see it through. [SiL. crosses to c. and up] NEEDLES AND PINS. 35 TOM enters gaily, L. D., crosses to R. c. Tom. Once more unto the breach, dear friends. [Stops, seeing SiL, aside.} The pretty sister ! Mary. [ Whispers to Tom.'] The May morning ? Tom. [Same.'] You are an angel ! Sil. [ Who has been remonstrating with her father. ] Oh ! [ Vexed.} Van. You will have to, and that's an end of it. Sil. I'll muddle it all up. Van. [Laughingly to Tom.] My daughter seems to have taken an extraordinary aversion to you. Tom. [Surprised.] Indeed ? Sil. [Pulling his sleeve.] Papa ! Van. Now go, and don't be foolish. Tom. [ Offering his arm.] I should be terrified and reluctant, my dear Miss Vandusen, for you are exceedingly dangerous to my peace of mind. Sil. Thank you ! [Exeunt, L. D.] Mary. Now we are alone. Mr. Vandusen, will you not be seated ? Van. [Loftily, L.] Thank you ! I shall be brief. What I have to say may not be very agreeable, and will be much more appropriately delivered standing. Mary. [Surprised.} Indeed, sir. [ Walks away a few steps.'] Van. Is it possible you do not blush to find yourself in this situation ? [She turns, astounded.} You are young rich and, I suppose, respectable. Cannot you wait until your destiny crowns your brow with the diadem of chaste and honorable matrimony ? What reason is there for you to anticipate it by a resort to disreputable and speculative means Mary. [Almost speechless.'} Sir ! this is monstrous ! You are out of your senses ! Van. My son is a good boy, but energy is not his charac teristic. He has my disposition heroic at the bottom ; but the heroism only rises at the strongest provocation. Mary. Well, sir ? Van. His mother is differently constituted. She has ordered him to provide for himself by a marriage with some wealthy young person. I must do him the justice to say that at first he resisted because he loved another. But in the end I find him here, ready to immolate himself in obedience to the ma ternal wishes. If I had not taken this opportunity to interfere, he would have married you and sealed his misery. Mary. [Amazed and mastering her emotion, which has been 36 NEEDLES AND PINS. perceptible during the whole of the foregoing. ~\ Let me understand you. You say that your son came here in obedience to his mother's wishes. [ Crosses to L.] Van. To marry you, or rather your money. Ah ! the crime of such a union. Those who wed should give heart for heart, not buy and sell them ! To convince you let me tell you a story of real life. Mary. \_Impatient.~] I beg you'll spare me that old story about ISilena Summers. [ Crosses to R.] Van. [Dazed.] Eh ? Mary. [Re-crosses to L. during speech, excitedly to herself.] It was detestable to deceive me in that manner. Talking to me about the solemn tones of the organ and the language of the soul and all the while loving some one else and thinking of my money. [Sits L., leans her head on her arms and sobs] Van. [Aside] I've been too abrupt. It was cruel. [Aloud] Pray, don't grieve so, my dear. I was too severe. I beg your pardon. My only excuse is, I am a father who loves his children. Mary. [Rising and looking at him fiercely] All your children, sir? Van. All ? Of course, all ! I've only got two. Mary. [Hysterical bitterness] Two ? Ha ! ha ! ha ! Two ! Two ! Van. [Non-plumed] Ha ! ha ! ha ! [Leans brow on fin ger in severe effort to remember if there were more] Mary. [At door, R.] You are as false as the rest. With re gard to your son, however, I will soon set your paternal mind at rest. [Pushes door open and calls] Mr. Vandusen ! Enter KIT. Kit. [Aside] That tone bodes me no good. Mary. Take your son. I have nothing more to do with him. [ Up to c] Van. [Aside to Kit, c] Come, my boy, and remain true to your secret affection. Kit. [Excited, aside] Father, you would not hear my ex planations. This is the lady of whom I spoke. Van. [Amazed] The organ? the church? [Turns and looks at Mary] Mary. [Suppressing her tears forcibly] Farewell, sir ! We shall never see each other again. [Exits, C. R.] Kit. [Follows her to door, c ] Mary ! Miss Forrest ! All is over. [Comes down] And I was so happy ! [Crosses, agitated, NEEDLES AND PINS. 37 by his father, on whom he turns suddenly. ,]. You have done very well. An excellent piece of business. {Down, L.] Van. [Soothingly] It's all for the best. Kit. [Indignant, crosses to R.] All for the best ? Van. [Taking his arm.'] You may be happy yet. Kit. [Softer.'] You believe it? Van. I'm* sure of it. There are dozens of girls every bit as nice. Kit. [Disengaging himself, paces to and fro; gets R.] You are trifling with me. Van. [Soothing and detaining him, with both arms clasped around him.'] Very well, very well ! You shall have this one. Don't despair. If you're true to her, you're sure of her. Ex plain and she'll forgive. Come, let's talk it over soberly on our way home. [Gets Kit's hat and his own] There is one thing, however, we ought to agree upon. [Nervously.] Kit. What is that? Van. To not mention what has taken place here to your mother. She always contends that when I undertake to rouse for action, I'm sure to do something foolish. We needn't furnish her with such convincing proof of the correctness of her opinion. [Exeunt, c. L.] SILENA, after slight pause, opens door, L., and peeps in. Silena. Why, where is papa ? This is the room where I left him. I never saw such a lawyer. He doesn't understand the least bit about law. Never asked me the names of aunt and her intended. Was very anxious to know mine. And he was so nervous. Kept continually mistaking my fingers for the pens, and grabbed them so. If I could find papa. '[Going up] TOM enters, L. D., carrying several sheets of paper and pencil in mouth. Tom. Oh ! there you are. Sil. [Retreating up and getting L.] I'm looking for papa. Tom. [At table] My notes of the contract are not finished. Will you be kind enough to proceed with your statement. [Sits at table and spreads papers] Sil. I will if you'll call in your clerk. For I won't stay with you alone. Not for anything. Tom. And why, if you please ? Sil. Because you're so very nervous and make grabs for me. Tom. [Steps forward] You are so beautiful that you confuse me. 38 NEEDLES AND PINS. Sil. [Starting from Aim.] If you don't go about your business immediately, I shall leave the room. Tom. It's all right. I am going about my business. Here's pencil and paper. Sit down. [Makes room for her on the sofa beside himself] .Sil. [Aside, deliberating.] I won't sit opposite him. I tried that, and he looked right through my eyes. If I sit away off, he'll move right up to me. [Looks round and sees law-books in case.'} I know what I'll do. [ Goes to case, R., twice, each time gets a pile of law-books and piles them in the middle of the so/a.] Tom. What are you doing with my law-books ? Sil. Are they law-books ? So much the better. The law shall protect me. [Sits down on the other side of books from him.] Do you see ? I am under the protection of the law. Now, go on with your questions. Tom. [Sending toward her] First ! Have you ever thought of love? Sil. [Rising, decided.] I am going. Tom. [Changing to business tone.] Why, that's all right. How do you suppose you can instruct me to draw up a marriage contract, unless you know what you're about. Sil. I do know what I'm about. Tom. And / am trying to ascertain the fact. SI. [Sitting timidly.] What do you want to know ? Tom. [Ardently] Tell me, I implore you, have you ever loved ? Sil. [Rising] Again ? Tom. [ Changing tone, and rapidly.] I merely wished to show what questions are unnecessary. As matter of strict law you are not bound to answer. You understand? I see you do. Sil. I don't ! Tom. Ah! Well, it's of no consequence. What's the name of the bride ? [ Writing.] Sil. Miss Theodosia Heffron. Tom. Bridegroom ? Sil. Mr. Nicholas Geagle. Tom. [ Writing] The vast and varied experiences of human life furnish no more sublime spectacle than the union of two beings who love each other fervently. [SiL. involuntarily takes one of the law-books, opens it, shuts it without reading it, transfers it to her left hand, with which she places it on her left side; this she does alternating with Tom several times. TOM, as if pre occupied, lays his pencil down and leans back; goes through the same operation with the books, alternating with Sil., both very slowly, he laying them aside on his right, and talking all the while as if to himself] NEEDLES AND PINS. 39 Tom. His soul yearns for her presence, her heart throbs at his approach. Sil. [To herself, looking at him.'] What a remarkable docu ment he's getting up. Tom. [Same business.] Love is the sunshine of human ex istence. It warms the heart, beautifies the world, and makes the universe teem with joy. It is the key to the mystic language of the soul, which we must possess in order to fitly communicate with the kindred being destined to share our lot. Sil. [Who has listened intently.'] How well he expresses himself. I can understand every word. Tom. How wretched must that creature be who has never learned to love. Alone uiicomprehended, tortured by the dull round of petty cares, ignorant of a blessed recompense living without knowing the true principle of existence, an uncultured flower, an unsought gem, an unrhymed line in the fragment we call life. Oh, how I should have mourned to have lived without loving without having found an echo for the voice of my heart. [Turns to her and in low tone.] Silena! Do you understand me? When you pictured the man you felt you could love, and saw him in your dreams, was he so different from me, Silena? Sil. [Jumps up as if from a spell] The books are gone ! Tom. [Seizing her hand.] Silena ! Answer me. Sil. [ Wringing her hands] Oh, that contract, will it never be finished? MARY enters, c. Mary. You here yet, Silena? [Ton begins to work furiously] Sil. '[Running to her.] I was waiting for papa. Please stay with me 'till he comes. Mary. Why! you look frightened. [To Tom] What does it mean? Tom. [Covering his head with papers] I can't possibly im agine. Sil. He draws up such strange contracts it makes me grow hot and cold to listen. Mary. That's it! is it? A poor child's heart fluttering near one of the traps set by the designing creature called man. Silena ! believe nothing they tell you- they lie and deceive all of them this one not" an hour ago proposed to my half million. . Tom. [Angrily, rising] This is too bad of you. Sil. [Half pouting] I am mistaken in him. I never met him before this morning, when he gave me his card, and I took him for a talented, conscientious and accomplished young nu:n 40 NEEDLES AND PINS. Avlio wanted clients, and I intended to make papa give him all his business. I would have done the same for any young lawyer, or baker, or shoemaker. [Half sobbing.'] But I am deceived. I believe he's an old hand. I am sorry I took any interest in him. [Severely to Tom.~\ For he's got nothing attractive about him. Not a single recommendation. [Exits sobbing, c. L.] Tom. [Enraged, to Mary.~\ That was exceedingly kind of you. Mary. You are like all your sex, perfectly heartless without apparently being conscious df the fact. From this time forth I shall make it my duty to warn every girl I meet to tear the mask from their deceivers to save them. [Exits, R. D.] Tom. [Calling after her.] They don't want to be saved! [Comes down.] I must say I feel exceedingly cheap. It's too bad, just as I was beginning to feel that I was sincere to mean every word I was saying honestly. I see how it will be. Back to my old resolutions shun the sex, fly marriage rail at the fool that yields. Just look at those books. All I've gained is the job of putting them up again. [Buttons his coat] I'll take hold of that divorce now, and if I don't have the parties a thousand miles apart in less than a week, I'm a Dutchman ! [Exits, L. D., in passion] JONAH appears, c. Jonah. This way, mum ; he brought his papers in here a little while ago. DOSIE enters, c., elaborate street toilette. Dosie. We want Mr. Versus. Jon. [Looks around] Why ! he isn't here ! Dosie. We can wait, thank you. [Goes back to c. and calls off] Nicholas, darling this way ! Come along! Geagle. [ Outside] It's all very well to say come along, but these confounded bundles Dosie. [To Jon] Would you have any objection to assist Mr. Geagle in with his bundles? We've been shopping and he would bring everything himself. Ah! he's all right. [Comes down] Jon. Yes, ma'am! He's doing famously. GEAGLE enters, c., arms full of bundles, carrying fancy parasol over his head, open. Geagle. Where do we go now ? NEEDLES AND PINS. 41 Dosie. [R.] Are you sure you haven't dropped anything? Geagle. Just count 'em, will you. They kept slipping one after another, as if they were all alive. [ They slide off on floor. DOSIE flutters around him counting^} Geagle. Is the lawyer in ? Dosie. [Continuing her count] Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. They're all right. What did you say ? [Sweetly."] Geagle. [Sulkily."] I asked if the lawyer was in. Dosie. Oh ! goodness knows. Sit down, darling you look tired. Geagle. Do I ? That's remarkable ! I am tired. [$ife.] Phew ! [ Takes off his hat and polishes his head with his handker chief.'] Do you know it's an awful relief not to have to wear that wig any more ? I always felt like a perambulating tarra- diddle while I had it on. But when you insisted I should wear it no longer since I had won you without it I felt as though I could do anything you asked me in return. Dosie. It was a duck to go shopping with its lovey-dovey. What a heavenly day we've had. A girl needs so many things when she's going to get married. I believe I look a perfect fright. Am I too red, dear ? Geagle. [Back towards her.~] I guess not. Dosie. Oh! yes I am. [Takes out pocket-glass and powder- puff, looks around at Jon.'] You can tell Mr. Versus we are here. Jon. Yes, ma'am ! [Exits, shuffling^} Geagle. I'm rather glad the lawyer isn't in. Dosie. [Patting his chin.'] It was an old goosey, and now you must tell me what you've been worried about all day. Don't deny it. I saw you looking very, very serious several times. It wasn't the lobster salad, darling, was it ? Geagle. [ Gravely."] No-o-o ! Dosie. Tell it's sweetheart. I know it is something. Deagle. Well, the fact is we're going to that ball Dosie. Oh, Geagle! I've got my domino and my mask. We'll have a lovely time. Geagle. Got your disguise ? Dosie. Yes ! You've got yours ? Geagle. Yes do you want to see it? [Takes a false nose from his pocket."] There, do you think any one will know me with that on ? Dosie. Is that all you are going to wear ? [He looks at tier indignantly and then turns away."] Well, now put it on, and let me see how it looks. Geagle. No, I can't put it on now somebody might come in. 42 NEEDLES AND PINS. Dosie. Oh, now. I want to see you in it. Geagle. There! [Puts nose on.] Dosie. You shall dance the first quadrille with me. Geagle. I don't know the first quadrille. I never danced a quadrille in all my life. Dosie. I can teach you in one lesson. We'll try it now. Nobody will see us. Geagle. Oh, I'm afraid ! The lawyer might look in. Dosie. Just look at me. [Lifts skirts to show steps.~\ One, two, three one, two, three one, two, three. [Dances.] Geagle. That seems easy enough. [Hitches up his trousers and tries it.'] One, two, three one, two, three [Kicks his corn.] Oh ! It's no use, I can't manage anything but a horn pipe, such as I used to see the sailors dance on the stage when I was a boy. Dosie. Well, let's try one now. Geagle. What, you can't dance a hornpipe? [DosiE nods.~] What here? Dosie. Yes, nobody will see us. Geagle. No ! I'll stand around with the rest of the boys in a dress suit and look pretty. I'll be a wall flower. Dosie. But just a little hornpipe now. [GEAGLE, after some persuasion, yields ; they dance. JONAH enters at beginning and finally does some steps of his own up stage. After the dance, they drop on sofa exhausted. JON. has picked up all the books.] TOM enters, L. D., at end of dance, L. Tom. Well, sir. What do you want ? [JoN. runs off, L. D.] Geagle. [Crosses to him] We want to see the lawyer. Tom. [ Walks around him in amazement.'] I'm the lawyer, I suppose. Geagle. [ Goes to him and whispers in his ear.] We came for the papers. Tom. [Getting away from him.~\ What papers? Geagle. The contract! The marriage settlement! [ToM looks him hard in the face, then pulls his false nose down and leaves it sticking on his chin.] Tom. Are you the culprits that are going to be married? Geagle. [ With dignity crosses to c] Yes, sir. I am one, and this is the bride. Tom. I draw no more marriage settlements. I make no more creatures wretched you a grey-headed man Geagle. Sir ! Tom. [Snatching his hat off] Well, then a no-headed I mean a bald headed man NEEDLES AND PINS. 43 Dosie. Oh ! Tom. Whose placid countenance has been petrified by the blessings of a bachelor life. You [Steps forward. GEAGLE retreats behind Dosie] You give into the hands of one of those creatures called woman [Crosses to c] Dosie. Who do you call woman ? Tom. The legal power to disturb your holy quietude of life, to distort the serene outlines of your face with anger, fright and fear ; to rob you of means money, friends, freedom everything. You are standing on the brink of an abyss. Draw back before the fatal plunge. [Crosses to L.] Dosie. He calls me an abyss. Help ! Oh ! [ Gives a shriek and drops in a heap, supported by GEAGLE, whose clasp has slipped up to her arm-pits. 1 Geagle. [Indignantly.] Look here I say see what you've done. [To Dosie."] Look up, my darling! Look up. [Tries to lift her.~\ This is a nice situation. [ Gives her a sudden jerk.'] It's no go. I can't lift her. [ To Dosie, with a shade less tender ness.] Look up! [To Tom.] Young man, you've got this lady on your conscience. I wish you had her on your back. [Jerks at Dosie savagely and with vigor] Look up! [Gazes over into her face] I believe she's dead. Look up! Tom. Dead? No fear of that. She won't die before she's married, nor afterwards. Geagle. Look up! [Jerks at Dosie.] Look up! Heavens 'and earth! What shall I do with her? Look up? [ JONAH enters, L. D., and gets around to table, R. DOSIE at his next jerk suddenly straightens up with a shriek and GEAGLE throws her into Tom's arms and falls back exhausted against Jonah. TOM throws Dosie back and JONAH throws Geagle back. DOSIE totters to and falls in chair, GEAGLE same] CURTAIN. 44 NEEDLES AND PINS. ACT III. SCENE. Garden, decorated for the masquerade ball. Flags, banners, armorial insignia, exotics in tubs, etc. A centre piece of plants with rustic seat around it. Music distant; loud when no one on scene speaking. Scene opens with procession oj maskers R. to L. and off. MR. VANDUSEN discovered in evening dress, seated c., eating ice cream. When all are off speaks. Vandusen. If I were not so apprehensive as to what is coming, I'd enjoy myself exceedingly in this place. It's just twenty-five years since I've been out alone. How jolly it is only I have an occasional hot and cold change when I remember my mysterious appointment for this evening. I'm trying to keep cool on a third plate of cream. I believe I'll try another. WAITER appears, L. Ah ! waiter ! Bring me another cream. Waiter. [Surprised, Dutch dialect.'] That's three. Van. I suppose you have got another? Waiter. Oh, yes, sir! But it's lucky you're taking yours now. When the rush commences if every gent orders four plates Van. That's why I get all I can at present. I anticipate the rush. Waiter [Takes dish.'] All right, sir ! [Exits, L.] Van. [Looks around uneasily."] What can be the matter ? [Takes billet doux cautiously from his pocket and reads."] " Dear Christopher : I must see you once more before I die. I have something of the utmost importance to tell you. If you attach any value to the memories of the past, meet me at the masquerade to-night between 11 and 12 near the supper room. Your Silena." [Puts billet away.~] The poor thing must be very much changed. She forgets that we never were so intimate as to write each other as "Dear Christopher" or "Dear Silena." Well, it's twenty- five years ago and that explains. In my thoughts she was always NEEDLES AND PINS. 45 " Dear Silena." [Looks around.'] It's extremely fortunate that my wife refused positively to come. I will take the occasion to talk seriously to Silena and insist on my family's account that she shall not address me in the future. She may think of me as much as she pleases I have nothing to say against that. I think of her, but somewhat as I think of my youth, as something that I can never return to. WAITER enters, L., with cream. Waiter. Here you are, sir. Van. [Paying^] And here's your money. [WAITER about to exit.] TOM VERSUS enters, R. u. E., in evening dress and stops waiter. Tom. Two orange ices in box five Waiter. Box five, sir ? Yes, sir. [Exits, L.] Tom. [R.] Ah ! Mr. Vandusen. How do you do ? Van. [Eating.] Mr. Versus, I believe. You are an extra ordinary attorney and counsellor-at-law to refuse to draw up marriage settlements. Tom. Principle, my dear sir. As far as my experience goes, marriage is a short lane, with a wedding at one end and a divorce at the other. I cannot conscientiously assist people to pay so heavily for such a short excursion. [Crosses to L.] By the way, I suppose the happy pair are here this evening ? Van. Oh, certainly ! With my daughter. They are in black dominoes. Tom. Like everybody else there are fifty black dominoes here to-night. [WAITER crosses L. to R. with ice.] How do you recognize your party ? Van. By the color of the bouquets in their collars, white and yellow roses. Miss Silena's is white and Miss Heffron's is yellow. [Laughs and winks.'] Got yellow by lying so long on the shelf. WAITER enters, R., and crosses to L., VAN. speaks to him. I think I'll take another cream, waiter! Waiter. What another! All right, sir! Van. [Imitating him.] Yes, another! I feel a flush in the back yet. [Exits after waiter, L.] Tom. Black domino with white roses. I shall find it. I'm a changed man since I met that girl. Can't rest, can't sleep see her everywhere. Provoking, refusing, denying, delightful 46 NEEDLES AND PINS. May morning. I'll have to give in; have no defence against her charms, can't demur, don't object, and she takes me in exe cution body, soul and senses. [Exits, R. u. E.] GEAGLE without, L. Geagle. I give you my word of honor. [Enters, L. u. E., fol lowed by SERGEANT OF POLICE, an extremely gentlemanly official.] You are utterly mistaken ; I did not intend the slightest impro priety, I assure you. Sergeant. [L., looking at him steadily] Several ladies in masks have complained about it. You go up to them as if you were about to whisper something and then kiss them on the ear. Geagle. [Indignantly.] Kiss them on the ear? I assure you, Sergeant, I have not nursed the ruthless passion that would lead to violence of that description for a great number of years. My intentions were wholly mistaken. The facts are that the lady I came with forgot her fan and sent me home for it. I'm looking for her that's all. It's exceedingly hard to pick one black domino out of a thousand. I thought I had her several times, but on attempting to whisper the signal agreed on, "Your Nicholas is here," I found I had caught the wrong pig by the ear. Serg. It sounds exceedingly flimsy, Nicholas, and I warn you for the last time, that if I hear another complaint your name will be taken and you will be ejected from the building and don't you forget it. [Exits, R. 1 E.] Geagle. [ Wiping his forehead] This is the first time I ever incurred the censure of the police. But I don't care somehow I grow desperate. As the happy day approaches I feel miserable. For two days I've been dragged around the city like a like a Well, the only creature who seemed to suffer in a like manner was a poodle on a string led by just such another foolish old [Checks himself, blows his nose] Well, a man can't make a supreme ass of himself but once in his lifetime, and I've done it. Havn't been near the club since I was engaged am worked like a district messenger boy. We hardly got here when I was sent back for a fan she forgot. Walked all the way and I'm used up. [$!&.] It's a most extraordinary thing that a woman of her age should try to imitate the airs of a kitten. I don't like it I don't want it. If I wanted a kitten I'd have gone in my back yard and looked on the fence for one. I selected a middle-aged person and she's playing fifteen on me. TOM strolls in again, R. u. E. Tom. How are you, Mr. Geagle? NEEDLES AND PINS. 47 Geagle [Aside, R.] Here's that monkey grinning at me again. [Aloud.] I'm pretty well! Tom. Your bride is not dead yet, I suppose? Geagle. No, sir ! She got over it finely. Tom. [Looking off, L.] I should say so she's coming this way in uncommon spirits. [Strolls R. in arbor."] Geagle. [Ande."} If she comes the kitten over me again, I'll try the cat and we'll come to the scratch in no time. DOSIE enters with SILENA, L. u. E., each masked and with black dominoes as they enter the CAT and FROG jump up and frighten them then strut off arm in arm, L. DOSIE wears a bunch of yelloiv roses and SIL. white. They unmask as soon as they enter. SIL. stays at back and looks L. and R. as if in search of some one. Dosie. [Perceiving Geagle, comes down vexed.'] Where have you been all the time, Nicholas ? Geagle. [Sulkily, L.] I've been looking for you half an hour. Dosie. Did you get my fan? Geagle. [Draws it out of his pocket done up in brown paper. .] Here it is. Dosie. [Unrolls it and throws paper aivay with disgust.'] I wish I had told you to bring my bottle of salts. I declare, I don't know what's coming to me, I forget so but you can go for it now. Geagle. [R.] Do you mean to say I'm to go back to the house for your salts again ? Dosie. [Loftily.'] You hesitate? Geagle. [Pause] I'm tired to death. You are driving me like a cart horse. [Sinks on seat, c] Dosie. [Instantly beginning to wheedle and patting his cheek.~\ Excuse it's ducky darling she's so excited. The happiness of being your wife makes her forget everything and everybody but you. You drive me into wandering, you naughty man. [ Geagle evidently begins to relent] You will go for your deary deary poor little bridy pidy and get the botty of salts won't oo? Geagle. [Rising.'] If you talk like that, I don't mind going anywhere. Where is it ? What's it like ? Big bottle ? Dosie. No, little. You'll know it by the smell, darling g \VGCt Geagle. [Going, L.] I'll know it by the smell all right. I'll be back as soon as I can. [Aside buttons coat.] On my 48 NEEDLES AND PINS. way back, I'll stop in at the club and have a little hot spiced Jamaica, I really need something to brace me up. [Exits, L. 1 E.] TOM enters rapidly, having perceived SIL., who puts on her mask and comes down he hovers about trying to speak to her. Dosie. Where can your father be, Silena ? Silena. [R.] I don't know, aunty. Tom. [Coming down.~\ He's in the supper-room I if you'll allow Dosie. [Measures Tom with a withering look, and moves to L.] Come, child. [ As she is about to exit, the FROG, CAT and CLOWN run on and frighten her. SERGEANT enters and arrests Clown and Frog. CAT has gone R. He marches prisoners, crosses to R. CLOWN escapes he seizes Cat by the tail and lugs Cat and Frog off, R. CLOWN takes his hat and club and marches off, L. 1 E.] DOSIE off.l Tom. [Stopping Sil.] Beautiful lady, let me entreat a word with you. Sil. [Assuming a false voice and angry tone.~\ Don't be so familiar with me, sir. Tom. Familiar ? Why, this is a masquerade everything's fair. Sil. I forbid you to use such freedom with me. Tom. Why do you treat me so coolly ? Sil. [Sits c.] The millionaire young lady you proposed to set me the example. Tom. [Sits R. of Sil.'] You are unjust. Miss Forrest had some excuse. I renounced her half million for your sake. And this is how you appreciate the sacrifice. Sil. What assurance ! There never was such a brazen law yer before. Tom. Do you always speak the truth ? Sil. Always. Tom. Then tell me didn't you come to this ball solely on my account? Sil. I never thought of you. [Hangs her head as he looks at herJ] Tom. You are indeed a miracle of truthfulness. Such a candid honest and frank girl is hard to find. Sil. [Tormented.'] You are unbearable. [Rises.~] I wish you would go. Tom. So you really want to have nothing to do with me ? Sil. I don't ever want to know you. Tom. All right. We shall see which sticks to his colors long- NEEDLES AND PINS. 49 est. For my part, from this moment, I intend to do all in my power for you. I will go to your father and mother to your father then your mother no first to your mother and after wards to your father [SiL. gets impatient.'} and ask them for your hand. Sil. [Angrily. ~] Do you call that doing something for me. [Crosses to R.] 1 wish you would leave off jesting. Tom. You surprise me. Call marriage a jesting matter? But never mind, my programme is laid out. First your brother shall be made happy. Sil. My brother ? Tom. Yes. I have a little plan that I intend to pwt in operation immediately. Then you Sil. [Mock seriousness.] Do think of yourself a little. Tom. I only covet the satisfaction of doing good. [Laughs.] Au revoir ! We shall meet at the altar. [Exits, R.] Sil. His defects are a certain obtrusiveness and persistence; but apart from them I can't deny he is clever and funny and you can't get angry with him. Just as you begin to, he gets you so interested that you Want to know what he's got to say, and then he comes out with more impudence and makes you mad, and then begins to talk again ; and so it goes on and on in such a whirl that when he's gone its quite dull and stupid. Heigh ho! he manages to have his own way, so that if he insists on marrying me, I think he will. [The CAT, close behind her, R., meows in her ear. She turns in fright, L., the FROG jumps at her. CLOWN drives them both off, R.] DOSIE enters unmasked, L. Dosie. Why didn't you come. I've had an ice. It was so refreshing. Sil. I wanted to rest here. [Rises] You know, aunt, that in spite of our masks, a great many people know us. Dosie. Why, did you mean to remain unknown ? I don't think that's the object of a masquerade, at all. Sil. But where's the mystification and the fun, then ? Dosie. Do you want to mystify anybody ? Sil. Certainly. And if you'll make an exchange with me, I think I can. Dosie. AVhat exchange, my dear? Sil. [Takes off her roses] Take my white roses and give me vour yellow ones. Dosie. With the greatest pleasure. [In affected tone.] The 4 50 NEEDLES AND PINS. perfume of this yellow rose is rather strong for my poor nerves. [Exchanges bouquets with Sil] Sil. [Fastening hers on.~\ Mr. Geagle will know you, any way. Dosie. Oh, I don't care for that. I shall enjoy myself flit ting from flower to flower. He can have his fun flitting after me. Sil. He will be very happy when you're married. Dosie. He ? Oh, certainly. But shall I be happy ? I begin to fear he's too old for me. [/Sighs, crosses to L.] SU. Somebody is coming. [Both mask] * TOM enters, R., running, crosses to C., stops, looks at both dresses, and then to Dosie, offering arm. Tom. I've found your brother, and I've found Mary. He's all right. And I've put my little plan in motion. Let's go and watch them make up. [DosiE throws an indignant glance at him and goes up is met by Mephistofeles. She takes his arm and exits, R. U. E.] Sil. [Patting her hand through his arm and holding him tightly while he looks after Dosie, and in assumed voiced] Won't you stay with me ? I ve no one to talk to. Tom. [Aside.] The aunt ! Bah ! [J7 [Disengaging.] This is happiness enough for one day. Van. I will call on you to-morrow with my wife. We will Mary. I leave the city to-day. [Crosses to R.] Van. We'll call this afternoon. Where are you going ? Mary. I have not settled. Van. Give me some message for Kit. What shall I say to him? Mary. [Moved.] Tell him that I said good-bye ! [Hur ries off, c] Van. Obstinate little thing. The whole race of young people of to-day are like little pigs, with kinks in their heads as well as in their tails. [Looks at letter and smiles.] Oh, Georgiana! Georgiana ! was it you ? Have I got you ? Won't I be revenged ! won't I ! We have been married twenty-five years, and to-day I am for the first time master of the situation. [Rubs his hands and crosses] CAROLINE looks in, R., and, seeing him, darts across to c. to go out. She carries a bundle. Van. [ Calling sternly] Here, girl ! Caroline. [ Turning at c] Sir ! Van. Humph ! What have you got in that bundle ? Car. This, sir ? This this is the Vienna bread the baker has just left for breakfast. Van. By the way what is your name ? Car. [Flippantly] My name ? my name is Caroline. Van. [Solemnly] Well, then, Caroline, I want you to tell me the truth as master of this house. Did anything extraor dinary happen last night ? Car. [Comes down] Last night ? No, sir. Nothing at all. Van. When did my wife go to bed ? Car. Eleven o'clock, sir. Van. Was she sick then ? Car. Yes, sir. She had a headache. Van. Is that the truth ? Car. I never tells nothing but the truth. Van. Humph ! And what have you in that bundle? NEEDLES AND PINS. 65 Car. This this, sir this is the Vienna bread that the baker Van. Humph ! Yes. That will do. Car. [Flippantly, .] Can I go ? [ Crosses to c.] Van. Yes ! when your month is up. Car. What do you mean, sir ? Van. That you leave in a month. I don't tolerate untruthful persons in my family. Car.' [Excited, in loud tone.] Sir! [Drops bundle, domino rolls out.~\ Oh, sir! Please, sir! Van. Behave yourself! I have finished. In a month you go- Car. I'll tell Mrs. Vandusen this very minute. [ Crosses to R.] Van. You may if you wish. Car. This minute. I'll tell her everything. [Going R.] Van. Hurry up, then ! Hurry ! Here ! you'd better pick up your Vienna bread. [She picks up domino, and exits R. door.~\ My wife will be astonished! Well, it will do her good. GEAGLE enters, exceedingly gay in dress and manner bowteromly rushing to Van. and grasping his hand. Geagle. Ah ! old boy, how are you ? [R.] Van. [Surprised.] Geagle, is that you ? Geagle. No ! It's not I. It's somebody else. It's a trans mogrification. Slept last night for the first time in twelve months. Woke up this morning twenty years younger. Look at me. Van. New clothes? Geagle. My wedding suit. Wear 'em to-day because- it's the happiest day of my life. Van. My dear fellow, you ought to wear weeds. A jilted bridegroom Geagle. I find it my natural element. Life has been a mys tery to me for years. My eyes are opened. Nature smiles. Why ? I have passed through great grief to great joy. I shall never be able to repay that young man ! Never ! [ Crosses to L.] Van. The lawyer ? Geagle. He has saved me. He is an exceedingly promising young fellow, isn't he ? Van. I'm afraid he has promised too much, this time. Geagle. He got me out of my promise. Van. You had better go and thank him. Geagle. Oh! I shall, warmly ! I want as a particular favor to stand up with him, only I'm afraid when I hear her .give her- 5 66 NEEDLES AND PINS. self to somebody else for good, I'll swoon with joy. But I've sent him a token of my regard already. Van. Indeed ! Geagle. A cartload of tokens, in fact. He ! He ! He ! All the things I bought for her. I don't want 'em. He may have 'ern. Good idea, eh ? Van. Excellent ! I say, Nicholas. [ Takes his arm.~\ What do you think will be the upshot of it all ? Geagle. Oh! He'll go on. Van. No, no ! He'll back out, somehow. Geagle. I don't think so. They say he's wild with delight. Runs about singing and dancing. House upset things upset. Says he wants to get married as soon as possible. [ Crosses to R.] Van. It's incredible ! Geagle. It is ! But it's providential for me. I've had my lesson. I'm done. I intend to find a nice young couple with a family, and adopt them. Van. That's an idea. Sensible and generous. Have you got a family in view? Geagle. Well, I've got the pieces they're like a Chinese puzzle. I must get them together, and then I'll be all right. I'm after one of the pieces, now. Van. Which one? Geagle. The young man. Where's Kit ? Van. What do you want with Kit ? Geagle. To adopt him. I intend to make him a proposition : Business is business. I've got sixty thousand dollars. They shall be yours. You are to marry somebody you love, and let me bring up the children. Van. Wonderful ! Geagle. [R.] Feasible, eh ? Van. Feasible and plausible. I've got the other piece of the puzzle. Geagle. The girl? Van. If you can put them together, you are the benefactor ol two young hearts. Geagle. I'll do it. When a man starts out to benefact his fellow-creatures, he frequently fails in the attempt, but when he starts put to benefit himself, it's wonderful how he succeeds. This is my happiness at stake. [Buttons up his coat.] I am going to do good to Geagle and I guess I'll do it. [Exits, c.] Van. He may manage. He's so happy, he'll infect every one. Nobody can stand such determined efforts to make them do what they want to. [Strikes his forehead.] But he don't know who she is, and I forgot to tell him. Of course he'll be back as soon as he remembers that he don't know. NEEDLES AND PINS. 67 CAROLINE enters, R., impudently. Caroline. Missus was very much surprised when I told her what you said. She's getting up now. And she'll be right down to interview you. Van. Don't forget when your month is up. Car. I don't care for what you say. [Crosses to L.I I'll go, if Mrs. Vandusen says so, and she says I'm to stay. [Exits, c.] Van. That's the extent of authority I've exercised for twenty- five years. The country demands a change. SILENA enters, L. door, her forehead tied up with handkerchief, groaning and leaning agaimt wall. Van. [Bringing her downJ] Why, my darling ! Silena. [Piteous tone.] Good morning, pa. Van. Are you ill ? Sil. I feel miserable. I didn't sleep all night, and my head is so dizzy, and my heart so heavy. [She speaks very feebly, her hand often wandering to her head!] Van. You've got the blues ! Sil. Perhaps. But that isn't what I came for. Van. What do you want, my love ? Sil. You must go to Mr. Versus, right away. Van. To Mr. Versus? SU. [Nestling to him.'] Certainly I'd go if I could, but I'm not able. The poor fellow is in a fearful state of embarrass ment, on account of getting hold of the wrong one, last night. [Hand to head.] Van. What wrong one ? Sil. He knew I was wearing a white rose in my black domino. So, to fool him, I changed flowers with Aunt, and that's the way he came to get hold of her. Van. So he intended to get hold of you ? SU. Certainly he's in love with me. Van. Very good, upon my word a nice piece of news! Sup pose your aunt won't let him off? Sil. Oh, she must! [Crosses to R.] Van. Yes, yes ! But suppose he's in love with her. SU. Don't talk nonsense, papa. Van. But I hear he's making preparatious for his wedding. SU. [Insisting.] With me ! Van. [Positively.] No ! with her. SU. You don't know anything, papa. Oh, how my head aches ! [ Throws herself on sofa, L.J 68 NEEDLES AND PINS. Van. I know that you played him a very bad trick made him look very foolish, besides leading him into what may prove a trap ; and if he don't get even, somehow, he's not CAROLINE at c. Caroline. Mr. Versus wants to see you, sir. [Exits, c.] Van. [To Sil.] I'll have him up now. Be reserved in your manner until we ascertain whether he wants you or your aunt. [She sits down, L.] Sil. Oh! dear! TOM VERSUS enters, c. L., and down R. Tom. Ah! Good morning, brother-in-law. How do you do this morning? [VAN., speechless, turns a glance of commiseration on Sil.~\ Tom. [ Crosses to c., looks at Sil. and approaches her.~] Ah ! Did our little niece sleep well after the ball ? Sil. [Bursts into tears and turns her back to him] Tom. [After looking at her turns to Van. and in declamatory tone] And she the goddess of my dreams has she risen from her slumbers? Van. [Looks at him open-mouthed, aside.] He's a fool. [Aloud to Tom.~\ If you mean my sister-in-law she's been up this two hours. Tom. Oh, lead me to her. Van. You want to see her ? Tom. I grudge every second that separates me ,from my love. [SiL. cries loudly. ~] Van. [Pats him on shoulder.'] Don't you cry, sonny. I'll have her here right away for you. [Goes L. and aside.'} He's having his revenge. [Exits, L. D. SIL. looks after her father, then goes to c. seat and sits, back to Tom.] Tom. [Leaning against mantel, looks at her a moment.'] Well, Cupid ! Sil. Whom do you call Cupid, sir ? Tom. What are you doing with that band over your eyes ? Sil. [ Tearing it off.] I've got a headache. Tom. [To himself aloud.] Oh, that she were here! Sil. [ Goes to him.~] You must not quite take me for a fool, Mr. Versus. Tom. [Astonished. ~\ What do you mean ? Sil. A person can be in love and not act as silly as you do. Tom. As I do ? NEEDLES AND PINS. 69 Sil. Yes and I tell you you don't love Aunt Dosie one bit. Tom. Not love my bride ? Sil. Ugh! She's your bride because you thought she was somebody else. Tom. You astonish me. Sil. [L.] I know everything. I'm sure I ought to if any body does, for I got up the foolish trick to change the roses. [Beginning to cry.] And I never would in this world if I'd known what would happen. Oh ! Mr. Versus ! Oh ! Tom ! What are we going to do about it ? Tom. So you arranged the plan by which I gained Miss Dosie. Accept my warmest thanks. [Crosses to R.] Sil. [In a rage] You are a detestable man but one thing I vow: no matter who asks me, never ! never ! to go to a masked ball again. [ Goes up L., crying.] MR. VANDUSEN enters, R., leading DOSIE by the hand. Tom. [Opens his arms a la Claude Melnotte] My love! my sun ! my star ! my Dosie. [DosiE with a shriek rushes to his em brace, and is folded in his arms. Tableau] Tom. My own ! Van. [Stepping up and tapping Tom on shoulder] I guess I'd better go, as I'm only in the way. If you want me I'll be in there. [Points to R. and exits, c. door] Sil. [Comes in front of them and savagely] And I guess I'd better go, since Aunt Dosie doesn't know any better than to go on with such actions before a child. If anybody wants me, I'm in here. [Exits, R. D.] Dosie. How they envy me. [About to throw her arms around his neck, he catches both] Tom. Now let's sit down and talk sensibly. Dosie. [A little taken aback] Yes ! [Ton pushes sofa for ward; they sit.] Tom. [R] Now listen to me. Dosie. Speak ! Do with me as you please. Mould me to your will. Tom. First we'll get married. , Dosie. Yes ! Tom. Then we leave the city. Dosie. For a wedding tour ? Tom. No, for good, I've disposed of everything belonging to me. Dosie. What for ? Tom. Above all, because the world will talk. This is no 70 NEEDLES AND PINS. place for us. You were the betrothed of Geagle. Now you are mine. Dosie. I don't care what people say. [Rises.] Tom. I will defend you with my life, for I love you. [She is about to embrace him, he catches her hands and prevents her.] I am jealous of that love. My angel, let them utter one breath of slander and they die. [Crosses to L.] Do you want me to fill the city with tombstones? Dosie. [Crosses to R., aside.] How he loves me. [Aloud.'] Be it as you will, we will go hand in hand. Tom. [L.] To the end of the world literally for I have chosen my destination. We sail Saturday. I write for passports to-day. Give me your figures. Dosie. [R.] My figures? Tom. Your dates born so and so Dosie. [Rising.] Nonsense ! Tom, [Rising.] Nonsense ? Dosie. I'll look in the book it's down, of course. I don't know who put it, and I doubt if they knew. Tom. [ With ardor.] Send it to me and I'll send thee Dosie. [Same.] What, darling? Tom. [Changing tone.] A few necessary articles for our journey. [Changing back?] You'll not refuse them? Dosie. I cannot! Tom. [Changing.] With full instructions. [Changing.] For we must wander far, my love. [Changing.] And you must know what's before you. [Changing] And now farewell, my sweet. [Draws her to him.] One kiss [Pushes her slowly back.] No no it is too much. I must not take advantage of your youth and weakness. [Sighs' and rushes off, c. R. Meets VAN. at door, takes his arm and hurries him off, c. R.] Dosie. How he controls himself. What character, what firmness and he loves me to delirium. [Sinks in chair.] What could have possessed him to go where we have to get passports ? It's ridiculous to ask it [Rising], and I promised him to send the book. [Goes to desk, unlocks it and takes out small 12mo volume, thick, and in old binding, opens it carefully.] There it is. I never saw such ink for getting blacker and blacker every year. [Looks around, whispers] There's a fatality about it. First of June, eighteen hundred and thirty [Shuts book suddenly and gasps, looks around, reopens it and looks again.] 1830. I could make that three a five, but the whole date is written out in letters too. [Angrily.] But I won't have such a thing in existence. I won't. [Sees inkstand in desk, suddenly seizes it and pours it on page.] Now it's all gone accidentally, of course. [Calling.] NEEDLES AND PINS. 71 Caroline ! Caroline ! come here, I've spilled the ink ! Bring something to wipe it up ! Caroline ! Quick. CAROLINE enters, c., MR. VANDUSEN R., SILENA L. Caroline. What is it, ma'am ? Vandusen. Who cried out ? Silena. [Looks over her shoulder.] Oh, Aunt ! what is it ? Dosie. Look what I've done. Spilled the ink bottle all over the book. Car. [On her L.] Is it fresh ? Oh, we'll soon have that all right ! {Seizes the book and darts out, c., holding it at arm's length] Sil. How came you to have it open at the family register, aunty ? Dosie. I had just opened the book. Sil. [Mischievously] And the ink ' bottle flew over and blotted out all the dates, your birth among the rest. Van. Very curious coincidence. Dosie. What do you wish to insinuate, brother-in-law ? Van. That you were the accomplice of the ink bottle. Dosie. [Crosses to L.] Wait until I have a strong arm to defend me. Car. [Brings back page clean.] Here you are, Miss, clean as a whistle. The bleaching powder does it while the ink's fresh. You can read it like print now. Born the first of June, eighteen hundred and thirty Dosie. [Tearing book from her.] Girl! go about your busi ness. [Exits, R. door, CAR. gets L. corner, pretending to try. VAN. laughs.] Sil. [Wringing her hands] Eighteen hundred and thirty that's old enough to be his mother. [Exits, R.] Car. [Weeping] I did all for the best. Van. [Kindly] You did very well I am very pleased. You can remain when your month is up. Car. [Softened and* low, after looking at him] Thank you, sir. [Exits c., with her apron to her eyes] Van. [Goes to table] A great waste of ink, but enough left to write a note to Kit's sweetheart. That idiot, Geagle, won't find her. [Writes.] " My Dear Miss Forrest. I am sorry to say that I cannot deliver your farewell message to my son for tin- reason that [Continues to write a line more and addrew tin- envelope, after he is interrupted by 72 NEEDLES AND PINS. GEAGLE, outside, shouting, c. L. Geigle. In yet I'll find him. \_He bounces in in a great heat, looks around sees Van, rushes to him drags him out of his chair, and stands on tip-toe to whisper in his ear.~\ Van. [Having heard him."] My very thought. Look here. [Hands letter. GEAGLE opens it, reads, cries aloud for joy ] Geagle. What ! Glorious ! Van. It'll do. Geagle. I'll bring her whoop ! [Seizes Van. and both waltz around to a lively air which they shout] MRS. VANDUSEN appears, K. 1 E., and stops astonished. GEAGLE releases Van., seizes his hat and rushes out<, c. L., with letter. VAN. leans against sofa, laughing quietly. Mrs. Vandusen. [A little faltering, but trying to assume her former command.] You are exceedingly gay, Mr. Vandusen ! Van. [ Quite self-possessed. Fanning himself] Oh, no glad to see you up, my dear. Mrs. V. Caroline has a very curious story to tell me. Van. It's nothing to the story she told me. I discharged her for it on the spot. I cannot tolerate lying. Mrs. V. [Amazed] Mr. Vandusen ! Van. Lying, my dear. She tried to deceive me about your absence last evening. She said you had not been out of the house. Mrs. V. [Frightened and half inarticulate. ] I was I w was Van. Of course you were out, and the unprincipled creature thought I knew nothing about it. Had the audacity, in fact, to suppose that you kept any secrets from me. It was an insult to me and a worse one to you. I acted on the impulse I felt as vour husband and the father of your children, and I dismissed her. Mrs. V. [Stammering.'} Perhaps she thought Van.- [Interrupting.] She thought you went to the masquer ade to watch me to play a part and to surprise the unworthy secret / was supposed to cherish. Mrts. V. [ Going to him with clasped hands] Christopher ! Van. [Still going on] She didn't know that I would have been the first to reveal everything to my wife, as well as the last to deceive her. She did not know that I carried [Taking Marys letter out] a proof that I longed for an opportunity to show you. [ Gives her the letter, which she opens and reads, crosses to E.] NEEDLES AND PINS. 73 Mrs. V. [Having read.] What must you think of me ? Van So, of course, I had to punish her promptly and severely. But she has since given unmistakable proof that she is sorry for her fault, and if you ask me to forgive her, I shall do it gladly. For we will have but one thought and one will. Mrs. V. [Overpowered.] I have done wrong, and you are heaping coals of fire on my head. Pardon me, my dear hus band ! [Puts her arms round his neck.] Van. Do you forgive her, too ? CAROLINE enters, c. Caroline. If you please [Stops. MRS. V. about to withdraw from Van.'s arms, he detains her.] Van. [ To Mrs. V.] Stay a moment, I want her to see there is no quarrel no scandal in this house. [Releases her.~\ There, she has seen enough. [To Car] What is it? Car. If you please, sir, here's a big box come for Miss Dosie from Mr. Versus. Van. Bring it in, and then go and tell the lady. Car. This way ! My sakes, it's a whopper ! Two PORTERS enter with big chest. Porter. See here, how much further have we got to take this ? Car. Put it 'right down there. Porter. This is extry. Ain't included in the express charges. Car. Oh, ain't it? Well, you'd better go and get yer extry outer them as sent yer. [Shows Porters off, c., and exits, R. 1 E.] Mrs. V. A box from Mr. Versus for Dosie. Why, I thought that he and Silena Van. Never mind ; let him do as he likes he knows what he's about. DOSIE enters, R. Dosie. Where is it? [Sees Mrs. V.runs and kisses her.] Oh, sister, you don't know how happy I am ! Mrs. V. [Coldly.] I don't know anything at all, il What has become of Mr. Geagle? Dosie. [ Unfastening chest] Mr. Geagle is too sensible, at his time of life, to take a young wife. Mrs. V. I should have thought you were too sensible, at yoi time of life, to let a young man make a fool of you. 74 NEEDLES AND PINS. Dosie. We'll see who's made a fool of. [ Opens chest.] Why it's full of all sorts of things. [ Takes out a box] What this a revolver ? [ Takes it out.] Van. A very sensible present. Dosie. For a bride ? Van. For a bride who has to shoot tigers in self-defence. Dosie. Shoot tigers where? Van. Where you are going. Dosie. [ Takes a bottle and reads label.] Poison ! Van. Poison. To take in order to escape a more painful death. Dosie. I wish you would explain and not joke. Do you know anything about all this? Van. I know everything about it. Dosie. [Draws out hammock] A hammock ! [Spreads it out.] Van. Your bed. Dosie. And this ? Van. Your blanket. You won't need any warmer bedclothes. [DosiE draws out a pair of Turkish trowsers, holds them up and shrieks.] Van. Your traveling suit. You are especially desired to begin wearing them immediately to get used to the sensation. Dosie. What is the meaning of all this nonsense ? Van. My dear sister-in-law, you are going to Africa on an exploring expedition to extend the discoveries of Stanley. Mr. Versus not only intends to explore the vicinity of Ubjibbeloola, but to settle among the natives and convert them. He will probably be made king. You, of course, will be queen. Dosie. \_Irritated] It's a very poor joke. ' Van. It would be if it were a joke. But his plans, although spiced with the adventurous, are exceedingly practical. You will conform to the customs of the country. As queen, you will be at the head of an extensive harem, or seraglio. You will find thirty-five female dresses of all sizes in the bottom of the chest. Dosie. [Slapping the things back into the trunk] I begin to think you have taken leave of your senses. Van. [Sighs] Poor Versus has taken leave of his his love has turned his brain. Dosie. [Decisively] Where is he ? Van. In my room writing farewell letters to a few friends. Dosie. [Goes to door, L., and pushes it open, calls] Mr. Versus, will you step here a moment. NEEDLES AND PINS. 75 TOM enters, L., an Indian crown of feathers on his head and a few in his hand. Tom. My goddess calls me. Dosie. Just drop all those fancy names, and tell me plainly what all this means. [Points to chest .] Tom. Only a few necessary articles to begin with. By Jove ! I forgot, we shall require some canned tomatoes and some pre served peaches, and we want a bow string and a sack. [Hurries to L.] I must order them at once. Dosie. Stop. [He turns.~] You need not have taken these absurd means of letting me know that our union is distasteful. Tom. My angel Dosie. Do you expect me to believe all this stuif about Ubjibbeloola, or whatever it is. Tom. You said you'd follow me to the end of the earth, and I'm only going to the middle of it. Dosie. I said as many foolish things as you did. I ought to have known that your making love to me was meant for some one else. I know it now. But you need not have resorted to such very strong measures to undeceive me. If you had said it was a mistake, I'd have said well and good, we'll say no more about it. But you acted like well, no matter. You are free. You are free. [Bursts into tears and exits, R.] Van. I knew she had sense, and it's coming out at last. Tom. [Takes off his croivn, looks at it, and pitches it away.] She ought to have boxed my ears. Geagle. [Outside.] Run, I hear him. This way. MARY FORREST enters, followed by GEAGLE, who winks at every body in delight. Geagle. [Points to Van.] There he is ! Mary. [In great agitation.] For Heaven's sake, tell me what has happened ? Mrs. V. Happened, child? Happened to whom? Mary. To your son. Where is he? Mrs. V. My son ? Mary. Don't you know. Hasn't Mr. Vandusen told you yet. Mrs. V. [Frightened, crosses to Van] What has become of Kit ? I have not seen him to-day. Mary. [Gives her letter] Look! Your husband's message to me. 76 NEEDLES AND PINS. GEAGLE enters at c. with KIT, restraining him. Mrs. V. \_Reads.~] "My Dear ' Miss Forrest : I am sorry to say that I cannot deliver your farewell message to my son, for the reason that I have a son no longer. Yours, C. Vandusen." [To Fan.] What does it mean ? You have a son no longer. Van. No, because , Geagle has adopted him. [GEAGLE re leases Kit, rushes down and dances a jig on box] Hurrah ! Kit. [Rushes to Mary. She is so overcome that her head sinks on his shoulder, and he has to put his arm around her waist.~\ You cannot deny it. You do love me. I may speak now. [Draws her to L.] Mary. I'm so glad you are not dead. [They go up.~] Tom. I suppose I'd better go. Geagle. No, you don't. [Runs to R., and calls] Silena. [Comes down.] She made a match for me on this very spot, and I mean to give her tit for tat. [ Crosses to R.] Silena. [ Outside, R. 1 E.] Papa ! Geagle. [ Goes to R.] There she is. SILENA appears, led by DOSIE, who is radiant. GEAGLE retreats in alarm to L. corner. SILENA goes over to Tom. Dosie. Let me present Mr. Versus with the bride he really wanted. Tom. [c.] Is it possible ? [ Takes Silena in his arms] Silena. You won't go to Africa now. Tom. [Holding her.~] No. It's quite warm enough here. Dosie. [R. 1 E., peeps across roguishly to Geagle. He glances timidly. She smiles. He is alarmed.] Ahem ! Geagle. [Aside] I don't like that. She can't mean to go for me again. Dosie. Are you very much blighted, Mr. Geagle ? Geagle. Frost-bitten to the core. Dosie. [Beckons to him] He ! he ! [GEAGLE shakes his head. She whispers] I want to speak to you. Geagle. Say it right out. Dosie. [Advancing a few steps] Come over. [He advances a step, then stops] I won't hurt you.' Geagle. Honor bright? Dosie. [Coming to c., GEAGLE also. Confidentially] We've been a couple of geese. Geagle. Yes ! Dosie. But we've come to our senses at last. Geagle. [Doubtfully] You are sure about yourself? NEEDLES AND PINS. 77 Dosie. For a time I felt as if I were a girl again. Heigho ! It had all the freshness of May and the -balminess of June. Geagle. I know. It was our Indian summer a sort of warm spell late in the fall. Dosie. Poetic thought ! Ah ! {Sighs and casts loving eyes at him.] Geagle. Ah ! Sil. [Mischievously interrupting.] Needles and pins ! [DosiE and GEAGLE retreat to their respective corners. SIL. laughs. All laugh!] I didn't mean to frighten only to warn you. Tom. Oh ! hang it, darling. Remember, I'm just about to get married. Don't sing that old song. Van. No. Give us something a little more cheerful. Mrs. V. Let Mr. Geagle express his feelings. Mary. And Miss Dosie. Dosie. Not before everybody. Geagle. Oh, yes ! I don't mind. [Steps forward.'] Sil. Something poetical ! Mrs. V. Practical ! Van. Historical ! Mary. vEsthetical ! Kit. Musical ! Tom. Autobiographical ! Geagle. Hey diddle, diddle, the cat and the fiddle We wanted a late honeymoon ! But the merry dogs laughed to see such sport, And the Miss ran away with the Spoon I [Indicates Silena and Tom.] CURTAIN. UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY ill DATE DUE ** 1 GAYLORD . PRINTED IN U.S.A. . .