Botes an (Bxfoxi) Cfjiel. \_ V- -^ v^. X A Cl ~ "^ CfjuFs attiarig ge taikin' not0, <^ttlj, faitfj, fje'II prmt it/' # OXFORD: JAMES PARKER AND CO. 1865 1874. I , . . OXFORD.-. . ,.Y' ,E. PICKAR'i7 H%L]L' ANO j. H STACY, J'riT.tcv- ro the I'niversity. CONTENTS. 1865. THE EVALUATION OF TT. 1865. THE DYNAMICS OF A PARTI -CLE. 1866 1868. FACTS, FIGURES, AND FANCIES. 1872. THE NEW BELFRY. 1873. THE VISION OF THE THREE T'S. 1874. THE BLANK CHEQUE. ivi70395 9^^ <^^ THE NEW METHOD OF EVALUATION AS APPLIED TO v. THE NEW METHOD OF EVALUAT ON AS APPLIED TO ir. " LITTLE JACK HORNER SAT IN A CORNER, EATING A CHRISTMAS PIE," FIRST I>RIISrTED IIST 1H05. OXFORD: JAMES PARKER AND CO. 1874. OXFORD: PICKARD HALL AND J. H. STACY, Printers to the University. CONTENTS. PAGE Intr oductory 7 I. Rationalisation . . . . 9 II. Method of Indifferences lO III. Penrhyn's Method II IV. EUmination of J. 12 V. Evaluation under Pressure 14 THE NEW METHOD OF EVALUATION AS APPLIED TO IT, The problem of evaluating tt, which has en- gaged the attention of mathematicians from the earliest ages, had, down to our own time, been con- sidered as purely arithmetical. It was reserved for this generation to make the discovery that it is in reality a dynamical problem : and the true value of 77, which appeared an ' ignis fatuus ' to our forefathers, has been at last obtained under pressure. The following are the main data of the pro- blem : Let U = the University, G = Greek, and P = Professor. Then GP = Greek Professor ; let this be reduced to its lowest terms, and call the result J. Also let W = the work done, T = the Times, 8 THE EVALUATION OF tt. / = the given payment, 77 = the payment accord- ing to T, and S = the sum required ; so that 7r = S. The problem is, to obtain a value for tt which shall be commensurable with W. In the early treatises on this subject, the mean value. assigned to tt v/ill be found to be 40.000000. Later writei'^^;) suspected that the decimal point .h?d been aGci;de'ntally shifted, and that the proper ' value was '400.00000 : but, as the details of the process for obtaining it had been lost, no further progress was made in the subject till our own time, though several most ingenious methods were tried for solving the problem. Of these methods we proceed to give some brief account. Those chiefly worthy of note appear to be Rationalisation, the Method of In- differences, Penrhyn's Method, and the Method of Elimination. We shall conclude with an account of the great discovery of our own day, the Method of Evaluation under Pressure. THE EVALUATION OF it. I. Rationalisation. The peculiarity of this process consists in its affecting all quantities alike with a negative sign. To apply it, let H = High Church, and L= Low Church, then the geometric mean= a/HL : call this 'B' (Broad Church). ..HL=B2. Also let X and j/ represent unknown quantities. The process now requires the breaking up of . U into its partial factions, and the introduction of certain combinations. Of the two principal factions thus formed, that corresponding with P presented no further difficulty, but it appeared hopeless to rationalise the other. A ' reductio ad absiirdt^n^ was therefore at- tempted, and it was asked 'why should tt not be evaluated.^' The great difficulty now was, to discover y. Several ingenious substitutions and trans- formations were then resorted to, with a view to simplifying the equation, and it was at one time asserted, though never actually proved. lO THE EVALUATION OF 77. that the j's were all on one side. However, as repeated trials produced the same irrational result, the process was finally abandoned. II. The Method of Indifferences. This was a modification of ' the method of finite DifferenceSy and may be thus briefly described : Let E = Essays, and R = Reviews : then the locus of (E -f- R), referred to multilinear co- ordinates, will be found to be a superficies (i.e. a locus possessing length and breadth, but no depth). Let v = novelty, and assume (E + R) as a function of v. Taking this superficies as the plane of re- ference, we get E = R = B . . EB = B 2 = HL (by the last article.) Multiplying by P, EBP= HPL. It was now necessary to investigate the locus of EBP : this was found to be a species of Catenary, called the Patristic Catenary, which is usually defined as ' passing through origen, THE EVALUATION OF tt. J I and containing many multiple points.' The locus of HPL will be found almost entirely to coincide with this. Great results were expected from the assump- tion of (E + R) as a function of v : but the opponents of this theorem having actually suc- ceeded in demonstrating that the r-element did not even enter into the function, it appeared hopeless to obtain any real value of tt by this method. III. Penrhyn's Method. This was an exhaustive process for extracting the value of tt, in a series of terms, by repeated divisions. The series so obtained appeared to be convergent, but the residual quantity was always negative, which of course made the pro- cess of extraction impossible. This theorem was originally derived from a radical series in Arithmetical Progression : let us denote the series itself by A.P., and its sum by (A.P.)S. It was found that the function 12 THE EVALUATION OF tt. (A.P.)S entered into the above process, in va- rious forms. The experiment was therefore tried of trans- forming (A.P.)S into a new scale of notation : it had hitherto been, through a long series of terms, entirely in the senary, in which scale it had furnished many beautiful expressions : it was now transferred into the denary. Under this modification, the process of di- vision was repeated, but with the old negative result : the attempt was therefore abandoned, though not without a hope that future mathe- maticians, by introducing a number of hitherto undetermined constants, raised to the second degree, might succeed in obtaining a positive result. IV. Elimination of J. It had long been perceived that the chief obstacle to the evaluation of it was the presence of J, and in an earlier age of mathematics J would probably have been referred to rectan- THE EVALUATION OF 77. 1 3 gular axes, and divided into two unequal parts a process of arbitrary elimination which is now considered not strictly legitimate. It was proposed, therefore, to eliminate J by an appeal to the principle known as ' the per- manence of equivalent formularies : ' this, how- ever, failed on application, as J became inde- terminate. Some advocates of the process would have preferred that J should be eliminated * in toto' The classical scholar need hardly be reminded that ' toto ' is the ablative of ' tumtum^ and that this beautiful and expressive phrase embodied the wish that J should be eliminated by a compulsory religious examination. It was next proposed to eliminate J by means of a ^ canonisant' The chief objection to this process was, that it would raise J to an in- conveniently high power, and would after all only give an irrational value for tt. Other processes, which we need not here de- scribe, have been suggested for the evaluation of 77. One was, that it should be treated as a given quantity: this theory was supported by many eminent men, at Cambridge and elsewhere ; 14 THE EVALUATION OF 77. but, on application, J was found to exhibit a negative sign, which of course made the evalu- ation impossible. We now proceed to describe the modern method, which has been crowned with brilliant and unexpected success, and which may be de- fined as V. Evaluation Under Pressure. Mathematicians had already investigated the locus of HPL, and had introduced this function into the calculation, but without effecting the desired evaluation, even when HPL was trans- ferred to the opposite side of the equation, with a change of sign. The process we are about to describe consists chiefly in the substitution of G for P, and the application of pressure. Let the function (j) (HGL) be developed into a series, and let the sum of this be assumed as a perfectly rigid body, moving in a fixed line : let '/x' be the coefficient of moral obligation, and '^' the expediency. Also let 'F' be a Force acting equally in all directions, and vary- THE EVALUATION OF tt. 1 5 ing inversely as T: let A = Able, and E = En- lightened. We have now to develop (j) (HGL) by Mac- laurin's Theorem. The function itself vanishes when the variable vanishes : i.e. ^(o) = O <^'(o) = C (a prime constant) r{o) = 2. J r'(o) = 2.3. H (/>^^^^(o) = 2.34. s r- = 2.3.4.5.6. J after which the quantities recur in the same order. The above proof is taken from the learned treatise ^ Aiigiisti de fallibiliiate historicorum^ and occupies an entire Chapter: the evaluation of TT is given in the next Chapter. The author takes occasion to point out several remarkable properties, possessed by the above series, the existence of which had hardly been suspected before. This series is a function both of /x and of e : but, when it is considered as a body, it will be found that ioi = o, and that e only remains. 1 6 THE EVALUATION OF 77. We now have the equation ct> (HGL) = 0-fCfJ + H + S + P+J. The summation of this gave a minimum value for 77 : this, however, was considered only as a first approximation, and the process was re- peated under pressure EAF, which gave to 77 a partial maximum value : by continually in- creasing EAF, the result was at last obtained, 77 = S:= 500.00000. This result differs considerably from the an- ticipated value, namely 400.00000 : still there can be no doubt that the process has been correctly performed, and that the learned world may be congratulated on the final settlement of this most difficult problem. THE END. THE DYNAMICS OF A PARTI-CLE. THE DYNAM GS OF A PARTI-GLE. " 'TIS STRANGE THE MIND, THAT VERY FIERY PARTICLE, SHOULD LET ITSELF BE SNUFF'D OUT BY AN ARTICLE." FII^ST I>RINTED IN 1805. OXFORD: JAMES PARKER AND CO. 1874. OXFORD: BY E. PICKARD HALL AND J. H. STACY, Printers to the University, INTRODUCTION. * It was a lovely Autumn evening, and the glorious effects of chromatic aberration were beginning to show themselves in the atmosphere as the earth revolved away from the great western luminary, when two lines might have been observed wending their weary way across a plane superficies. The elder of the two had by long practice acquired the art, so painful to young and impulsive loci, of lying evenly between his ex- treme points ; but the younger, in her girlish impetu- osity, was ever longing to diverge and become an hyperbola or some such romantic and boundless curve. They had lived and loved : fate and the in- tervening superficies had hitherto kept them asunder, but this was no longer to be: a line had intersected them^ making the two interior angles together less than two right angles. It was a moment never to be forgotten, and, as they journeyed on, a whisper thrilled along the superficies in isochronous waves of sound, " Yes ! We shall at length meet if continually produced ! " ' (Jacobi's Course of Mathematics, Chap, i.) We have commenced with the above quotation as a striking illustration of the advantage of introducing the human element into the hitherto barren region of VI INTRODUCTION. Mathematics. Who shall say what germs of romance, hitherto unobserved, may not underlie the subject? Who can tell whether the parallelogram, which in our ignorance we have defined and drawn, and the whole of whose properties we profess to know, may not be all the while panting for exterior angles, sympathetic with the interior, or sullenly repining at the fact that it cannot be inscribed in a circle? What mathema- tician has ever pondered over an hyperbola, mangling the unfortunate curve with lines of intersection here and there, in his efforts to prove some property that perhaps after all is a mere calumny, who has not fancied at last that the ill-used locus was spreading out its asymptotes as a silent rebuke, or winking one focus at him in contemptuous pity ? In some such spirit as this we have compiled the following pages. Crude and hasty as they are, they yet exhibit some of the phenomena of light, or ' en- lightenment,' considered as a force, more fully than has hitherto been attempted by other writers. June^ 1865. CONTENTS. CHAPTER I. General Considerations PAGE Definitions .... . 9 Postulates .... . lO Axioms . II Methods of Voting . II On Representation . . 13 CHAPTER 11. Dynamics of a Particle Introductory ^5 Definitions . . -15 On Diff"erentiation i^ Propositions ^9 CHAPTER I. GENERAL CONSIDERATIONS. DEFINITIONS. Plain Superficiality is the character of a speech, in which any two points being taken, the speaker is found to lie wholly with regard to those two points. II. Plain Anger is the inclination of two voters to one another, who meet together, but whose views are not in the same direction. lO DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. III. When a Proctor, meeting another Proctor, makes the votes on one side equal to those on the other, the feeHng entertained by each side is called Right Anger. IV. When two parties, coming together, feel a Right Anger, each is said to be COMPLE- MENTARY to the other, (though, strictly speak- ing, this is very seldom the case). V. Obtuse Anger is that which is greater than Right Anger. Postulates. I. Let it be granted, that a speaker may digress from any one point to any other point. II. That a finite argument, (i.e. one finished and disposed of,) may be produced to any extent in subsequent debates. DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. II III. That a controversy may be raised about any question, and at any distance from that question. Axioms. I. Men who go halves in the same (quart) are (generally) equal to another. II. Men who take a double in the same (term) are equal to anything. On Voting. The different methods of voting are as follows : I. Alternando, as in the case of Mr who voted for and against Mr. Gladstone, alter- nate elections. I^ DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. it. Invertendo, as was done by Mr who came all the way from Edinburgh to vote, handed in a blank voting-paper, and so went home rejoicing. III. COMPONENDO, as was done by Mr whose name appeared on both committees at once, whereby he got great praise from all men, by the space of one day. IV. DiviDENDO, as in Mr 's case, who being sorely perplexed in his choice of candi- dates, voted for neither. CONVERTENDO, as was wonderfully exempli- fied by Messrs and who held a long and fierce argument on the election, in which, at the end of two hours, each had vanquished and converted the other. DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. 1 3 VI. Ex iEQUALI IN PROPORTIONE PERTURBATA SEU INORDINAtA, as in the election, when the result was for a long time equalised, and as it were held in the balance, by reason of those who had first voted on the one side seeking to pair off with those who had last arrived on the other side, and those who were last to vote on the one side being kept out by those who had first arrived on the other side, whereby, the entry to the Convocation House being blocked up, men could pass neither in nor out. On Representation. Magnitudes are algebraically represented by letters, men by men of letters, and so on. The following are the principal systems of repre- sentation. I. Cartesian: i.e. by means of 'cartes.' This system represents lines well, sometimes too well ; but fails in representing points^ par- ticularly good points. 14 DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. 2. Polar : i.e. by means of the 2 poles, * North and South.' This is a very uncertain system of representation, and one that cannot safely be depended upon. 3. Trilinear : i.e. by means of a line which takes 3 different courses. Such a line is usually expressed by three letters, as W.E.G. That the principle of Representation was known to the ancients is abundantly exemplified by Thucydides, who tells us that the favourite cry of encouragement during a trireme race was that touching allusion to Polar Co-ordinates which is still heard during the races of our own time, 'ps, pe, cos ^, they're gaining!' CHAPTER II. DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. Particles are logically divided according to Genius and Speeches. Genius is the higher classification, and this, combined with DIFFERENTIA, (i.e. difference of opinion,) produces SPEECHES. These again naturally divide themselves into three heads. Particles belonging to the great order of Genius are called 'able' or 'enlightened.' DEFINITIONS. I. A Surd is a radical whose meaning cannot be exactly ascertained. This class comprises a very large number of particles. 1 6 DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. II. Index indicates the degree, or power, to which a particle is raised. It consists of two letters, placed to the right of the symbol repre- senting the particle. Thus, * A.A.' signifies the oth degree; 'B.A.' the ist degree; and so on, till we reach 'M.A.'the 2nd degree (the inter- mediate letters indicating fractions of a degree) ; the last two usually employed being *R.A/ (the reader need hardly be reminded of that beautiful line in TJie Princess ' Go dress your- self, Dinah, like a gorgeous R.A.') and ' S A.' This last indicates the 360th degree, and de- notes that the particle in question, (which is |th part of the function E + R ' Essays and Reviews,') has effected a complete revolution, and that the result = o. III. Moment is the product of the mass into the . velocity. To discuss this subject fully, would lead us too far into the subject Vis Viva, and we must content ourselves with mentioning the fact that no mo^nent is ever really lost^ by fully DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. 1 7 enlightened Particles, It is scarcely necessary to quote the well-known passage: 'Every moment, that can be snatched from academical duties, is devoted to furthering the cause of the popular Chancellor of the Exchequer.' (Claren- don, History of the Great Rebellion.) IV. A Couple consists of a moving particle, raised to the degree M.A., and combined with what is technically called a ' better half.' The following are the principal characteristics of a Couple: (i) It may be easily transferred from point to point. (2) Whatever force of trans- lation was possessed by the uncombined particle, (and this is often considerable,) is wholly lost when the Couple is formed. (3) The two forces constituting the Couple habitually act in opposite directions. 15 dynamics of a particle. On Differentiation. The effect of Differentiation on a Particle is very remarkable, the first Differential being frequently of a greater value than the original Particle, and the second of less enlightenment. For example, let L = ' Leader,' S = * Saturday,* and then L.S. = ' Leader in the Saturday,' (a particle of no assignable value). Differentiating once, we get L.S.D., a function of great value. Similarly it will be found that, by taking the second Differential of an enlightened Particle, (i.e. raising it to the Degree D.D.,) the en- lightenment becomes rapidly less. The effect is much increased by the addition of a C : in this case the enlightenment often vanishes alto- gether, and the Particle becomes conservative. It should be observed that, whenever the symbol L is used to denote 'Leader,' it must be affected with the sign + : this serves to in- dicate that its action is sometimes positive and sometimes negative some particles of this class having the property of drawing others after them, (as 'a Leader of an army,') and others of repelling them, (as ' a Leader of the Times.') dynamics of a particle. 19 Propositions. Prop. I. Pr. To find the value of a given Examiner. Example* A takes in 10 books in the Final Examination, and gets a 3d Class : B takes in the Examiners, and gets a 2nd. Find the value of the Examiners in terms of books. Find also their value in terms in which no Examination is held. Prop. II. Pr. To estimate Profit and Loss. Example, Given a Derby Prophet, who has sent 3 different winners to 3 different betting- men, and given that none of the three horses are placed. Find the total Loss incurred by the three men (a) in money, (fi) in temper. Find also the Prophet. Is this latter generally possible ? 20 DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. Prop. III. Pr. To estimate the direction of a line. Example, Prove that the definition of a line, according to Walton, coincides with that of Salmon, only that they begin at opposite ends. If such a line be divided by Frost's method, find its value according to Price. Prop. IV. Th. The end, (i. e. * the product of the extremes,') justifies (i.e. 'is equal to' see Latin 'aequus,') the means. No example is appended to this Proposition, for obvious reasons. Prop. V. Pr. To continue a given series. Example, A and B, who are respectively ad- dicted to Fours and Fives, occupy the same set DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. 21 of rooms, which is always at Sixes and Sevens. Find the probable amount of reading done by ^ A and B while the Eights are on. We proceed to illustrate this hasty sketch of the Dynamics of a Parti-cle, by demonstrating the great Proposition on which the whole theory of Representation depends, namely : " To re- move a given Tangent from a given Circle, and to bring another given Line into contact with It." To work the following problem algebraically, it is best to let the circle be represented as re- ferred to its two tangents, i.e. first to WEG, WH, and afterwards to WH, GH. When this is effected, it will be found most convenient to project WEG to infinity. The process is not given here in full, since it requires the intro- duction of many complicated determinants. %^ DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. Prop. VI. Pr. To remove a given Tangent from a given Circle, and to bring another given Line into contact with it. Let UNIV be a Large Circle, whose centre is O, (V being, of course, placed at the top,) and let WGH be a triangle, two of whose sides, WEG and WH, are in contact with the circle, while GH (called 'the base' by liberal mathe- maticians,) is not in contact with it. (See Fig. i.) It is required to destroy the contact of WEG, and to bring GH into contact instead. DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. 23 Let I be the point of maximum illumination of the circle, and therefore E the point of maxi- mum enlightenment of the triangle. (E of course varying perversely as the square of the distance from O.) Let WH be fixed absolutely, and remain always in contact with the circle, and let the direction of 01 be also fixed. Now, so long as WEG preserves a perfectly straight course, GH cannot possibly come into contact with the circle, but if the force of illu- mination, acting along 01, cause it to bend (as in Fig. 2), a partial revolution on the part of WEG and GH is effected, WEG ceases to touch the circle, and GH is immediately brought into contact with it. Q.E.F. The theory involved in the foregoing Pro- position is at present much controverted, and its supporters are called upon to show what is the fixed pointy or ' locus stajtdi^ on which they propose to effect the necessary revolution. To make this clear, we must go to the original Greek, and remind our readers that the true point or /locus standi/ is in this case aphis, (or 24 DYNAMICS OF A PARTICLE. &f)bLs according to modern usage,) and therefore must not be assigned to WEG. In reply to this it is urged that, in a matter hke the present, a single word cannot be considered a satis- factory explanation, such as apbems. It should also be observed that the revo- lution here discussed is entirely the effect of enlightenment, since particles, when illuminated to such an extent as actually to become <^a>s, are always found to diverge more or less widely from each other ; though undoubtedly the radical force of the word is * union ' or 'friendly feeling.' The reader will find in ' Liddell and Scott' a remarkable illustration of this, from which it appears to be an essential condition that the feeling should be entertained (popdbrjv^ and that the particle entertaining it should belong to the genus aKoros, and should therefore be, nominally at least, unenlightened. THE END. FACTS, FIGURES, AND FANCIES. 1^ FACTS, FIGURES, AND FANCIES, RELATING TO THE ELECTIONS TO THE HEBDOMADAL COUNCIL, THE OFFER OF THE CLARENDON TRUSTEES, AND THE PROPOSAL TO CONVERT THE PARKS INTO CRICKET- GROUNDS. " THRICE THE BRINDED CAT HATH MEWED.* FIRST i^RiisTTEr) IN isee-ises. OXFORD: JAMES PARKER AND CO. 1874. OXFORD: E. PICKARD HALL AND J. H. STACY, PRINTERS TO THE UNIVERSITY. INTRODUCTORY. I. The Elections to the Hebdomadal Council In the year 1866, a Letter with the above title was published in Oxford, addressed to the Senior Censor of Christ Church, with the twofold object of revealing to the University a vast polilical misfortune which it had unwittingly encountered, and of suggest- ing a remedy which should at once alleviate the bitterness of the calamity and secure the sufferers from its recurrence. The mis- fortune thus revealed was no less than the fact that, at a recent election of Members to the Hebdomadal Council, two Conserva- tives had been chosen, thus giving a Conservative majority in the Council ; and the remedy suggested was a sufficiently sweeping one, embracing, as it did, the following details : 1. "The exclusion" (from Congregation) "of the non- academical elements which form a main part of the strength of this party domination." These " elements " are afterwards enu- merated as ' the parish clergy and the professional men of the city, and chaplains who are without any academical occupation." 2. The abolition of the Hebdomadal Council. 3. The abolition of the legislative functions of Convocation. 6 INTRODUCTORY. These are all the main features of this remarkable scheme of Reform, imless it be necessary to add 4. " To preside over a Congregation with full legislative powers, the Vice-Chancellor ought no doubt to be a man of real capacity." But it would be invidious to suppose that there was any inten- tion of suggesting this as a novelty. The following rhythmical version of the Letter developes its principles to an extent which possibly the writer had never con- templated. II. The offer of the Clarendon Trustees. Letter from Mr. Gladstone to the Vice-Chancellor. Dear Mr. Vice-Chancellor, ^ The Clarendon Trustees are ready, in concert with the University, to consider of the best mode of applying the funds belonging to them for " adding to the New Museum Physical Laboratories and other accommodation requi- site for the department of Experimental Philosophy." ***** I have the honour to remain. Dear Mr. Vice-Chancellor, Very faithfully yours. May 3, 1867. W. E. Gladstone. The following passages are quoted from a paper which appeared on the subject. " As Members of Convocation are called upon to consider the offer of the Clarendon Trustees, to employ the funds at their disposal in the erection of additional buildings to facilitate the study of Physics, they may perhaps find it useful to have a short statement of the circumstances which render additional buildings necessary, and of the nature of the accommodation required." INTRODUCTORY. 7 '* Again, it is often impossible to carry on accurate Physical experiments in close contiguity to one another, owing to their mutual interference; and consequently different processes need different rooms, in which these delicate instruments, which are always required in a particular branch of science, have to be carefully and permanently fixed." * * * * * " It may be sufficient, in order to give an idea of the number of rooms required, to enumerate the chief branches of Physics which require special accommodation, owing to their mutual interference. (i) Weighing and measuring. (2) Heat. (3) Radiant Heat. (4) Dispersion of Light. Spectrum Analysis, &c. (5) General optics. (6) Statical electricity. (7) Dynamical electricity. (8) Magnetism. (9) Acoustics. Of these, (5) requires one large room or three smaller rooms, and these, together with those devoted to (3) and (4), should have a south aspect. Besides the fixed instruments, there is a large quantity of moveable apparatus, which is either used with them or employed in illustrating lectures ; and this must be carefully preserved from causes of deterioration when not in use ; for this purpose a large room fitted with glass cases is required. A store-room for chemicals and other materials used is also neces- sary." ***** " As Photography is now very much employed in multiplying results of observation, in constructing diagrams for lectures, &c., and as it is in fact a branch of Physics, a small Photographic room is necessary, both for general use and for studying the subject itself." 8 INTRODUCTORY. III. The proposal to convert the Parks into Cricket-grounds . Notice from the Vice-Chancellor. " A form of Decree to the following effect will be proposed : 1, That the Curators of the Parks be authorised to receive ap- plications from Members of the University for Cricket-grounds in the Parks, and that public notice be issued to that effect, a time being fixed within which applications are to be sent in. 2. That at the expiration of such time the Curators be author- ised to make Cricket-grounds, and allot them to Cricket-clubs or Colleges from which applications have been received, according to priority of application. ***** F. K. Leighton, Vice-Chancellor. April 29, 1867. THE ELECTIONS TO THE HEBDOMADAL COUNCIL. NOW IS THE WINTEB OF OUR DISCONTENT.' ^ Heard ye the arrow hurtle in the sky? Heard ye the dragon-monster's deathful cry?' Excuse this sudden burst of the Heroic ; The present state of things would vex a Stoic ! And just as Sairey Gamp, for pains within, Administered a modicum of gin, So does my mind, when vexed and ill at ease, Console itself with soothing similes. The * dragon-monster' (pestilential schism!) I need not tell you is Conservatism ; The * hurtling arrow' (till we find a better) Is represented by the present Letter. * Dr. Wynter, President of St. John's, one of the recently elected Conservative members of Council. a 2 10 THE ELECTIONS TO THE Twas, I remember, but the other day, Dear Senior Censor, that you chanced to say You thought these party-combinations would Be found, 'though needful, no unmingled good.' Unmingled good? They are unmingled illM / never took to them, and never wilP What am I saying? Heed it not, my friend: On the next page I mean to recommend The very dodges that I now condemn In the Conservatives! Don't hint to them A word of this ! (In confidence. Ahem !) Need I rehearse the history of Jowett ? I need not, Senior Censor, for you know it^. T/iat was the Board Hebdomadal, and oh ! Who would be free, themselves must strike the blow ! Let each that wears a beard, and each that shaves. Join in the cry 'We never will be slaves!' ^ * In a letter on a point connected with the late elections to the Hebdomadal Council you incidentally remarked to me that our combinations for these elections, " though necessary, were not an unmixed good." They are an unmixed evil.' ^ ' I never go to a caucus without reluctance : I never write a canvassing letter without a feeling of repugnance to my task.' ^ ' I need not rehearse the history of the Regius Professor of Greek.' HEBDOMADAL COUNCIL. II ' But can the University afford To be a slave to any kind of board ? A slave V you shuddering ask. 'Think you it can, Sir?' ' Not at the present moment^ is my answer ^. I've thought the matter o'er and o'er again, And given to it all my powers of brain ; I've thought it out, and this is what I make it, (And I don't care a Tory how you take it :) It may he right to go ahead^ I guess : It may be right to stop^ I do confess: Also, it may be right to retrogress'^. So says the oracle, and, for myself, I Must say it beats to fits the one at Delphi ! To save beloved Oxford from the yoke, (For this majority's beyond a joke,) We must combine^, aye! hold a caucus-mteting^, Unless we want to get another beating. That they should 'bottle' us is nothing new But shall they bottle us and caucus too.^ ^ ' The University cannot afford at the present moment to be de- livered over as a slave to any non-academical interest whatever.' 2 It may be right to go on, it may be right to stand still, or it may be right to go back.' ^ *To save the University from going completely under the yoke .... we shall still be obliged to combine.' * ' Caucus-holding and wire-pulling would still be almost in- evitably carried on to some extent.' a3 12 THE ELECTIONS TO THE See the *fell unity of purpose' now With which Obstructives plunge into the row^! 'Factious Minorities,' we used to sigh 'Factious Majorities!' is now the cry. 'Votes ninety- two' no combination here : 'Votes ninety-three' conspiracy, 'tis clear ^I You urge "Tis but a unit.' I reply That in that unit lurks their 'unity.' Our voters often bolt, and often baulk us, But then they never, never go to caucus! Our voters can't forget the maxim famous ' Semel electum semper *eligamus '; They never can be worked into a ferment By visionary promise of preferment, Nor taught, by hints of ' Paradise ^ ' beguiled, To whisper 'C for Chairman' like a child ^! ^ ' But what are we to do ? Here is a great political and theo- logical party .... labouring under perfect discipline and with fell unity of purpose, to hold the University in subjection, and fill her government with its nominees.* 2 At a recent election to Council, the Liberals mustered ninety- two votes, and the Conservatives ninety-three; whereupon the latter were charged with having obtained their victory by a con- spiracy. ^ ' Not to mention that, as we cannot promise Paradise to our supporters, they are very apt to take the train for London just before the election.' * It is not known to what the word ' Paradise * was intended to allude, and therefore the hint, here thrown out, that the writer HEBDOMADAL COUNCIL. 1 3 And thus the friends that we have tempted down Oft take the two-o'clock Express for town^ This is our danger: this the secret foe That aims at Oxford such a deadly blow. What -champion can we find to save the State, To crush the plot ? We darkly whisper ' Wait ^ ! ' My scheme is this : remove the votes of all The residents that are not Liberal^ Leave the young Tutors uncontrolled and free, And Oxford then shall see what it shall see. What next? Why then, I say, let Convocation Be shorn of all her powers of legislation ^ But why stop there? Let us go boldly on Sweep everything beginning with a *Con' Into oblivion! Convocation first, Conservatism next, and, last and worst, . meant to recall the case of the late Chairman of Mr. Gladstone's committee, who had been recently collated to the See of Chester, is wholly wanton and gratuitous. ^ A case of this kind had actually occurred on the occasion of the division just alluded to. ^ Mr. Wayte, now President of Trinity, then put forward as the Liberal candidate for election to Council. ^ ' You and others suggest, as the only effective remedy, that the Constituency should be reformed, by the exclusion of the non- academical elements which form a main part of the strength of this party domination.* * ' I confess that, having included all the really academical ele- ments in Congregation, I would go boldly on, and put an end to the legislative functions of Convocation.' 14 THE ELECTIONS TO THE ' Concilmm Hebdo^nadale^ must, Consumed and conquered, be consigned to dust^' And here I must relate a little fable I heard last Saturday at our high table : The cats, it seems, were masters of the house, And held their own against the rat and mouse : Of course the others couldn't stand it long. So held a caucus^ (not, in their case, wrong:) And, when they were assembled to a man. Uprose an aged rat, and thus began : * Brothers in bondage! Shall we bear to be For ever left in a minority? With what "fell unity of purpose" cats Oppress the trusting innocence of rats! So unsuspicious are we of disguise, Their machinations take us by surprise^ Insulting and tyrannical absurdities^! It is too bad by half upon my word it is! ^ * This conviction, that while we have Elections to Council we shall not entirely get rid of party organization and its evils, leads me to venture a step further, and to raise the question whether it is really necessary that we should have an Elective Council for legislative purposes at all.' ^ * Sometimes, indeed, not being informed that the wires are at work, we are completely taken by surprise.' ^ * We are without protection against this most insulting and tyrannical absurdity.' HEBDOMADAL COUNCIL. 1 5 For, now that these Con , cats, I should say, (frizzle 'em !) Are masters, they exterminate like Islam ^ ! How shall we deal with them ? I'll tell you how : Let none but kittens be allowed to miaow! The Liberal kittens seize us but in play. And, while they frolic,* we can run away : But older cats are not so generous. Their claws are too Conservative for us! Then let tkem keep the stable and the oats. While kittens, rats, and mice have all the votes. ' Yes ; banish cats ! The kittens would not use Their powers for blind obstruction^, nor refuse To let us sip the cream and gnaw the cheese How glorious then would be our destinies ^ I Kittens and rats would occupy the throne. And rule the larder for itself alone * ! ' So rhymed my friend, and asked me what I thought of it. I told him that so much as I had caught of it ^ It is as exterminating as Islam.' ^ ' Their powers would scarcely be exercised for the purposes of fanaticism, or in a spirit of blind obstruction.' 3 * These narrow local bounds, within which our thoughts and schemes have hitherto been pent, will begin to disappear, and a far wider sphere of action will open on the view.' * ' Those councils must be freely opened to all who can serve her well and who will serve her for herself.' l6 THE ELECTIONS TO THE Appeared to me (as I need hardly mention) Entirely undeserving of attention. But now, to guide the Congregation, when It numbers none but really 'able' men, A ' Vice-Cancellarius' will be needed Of every kind of human weakness weeded ! Is such the president that we have got? He ought no doubt to be; why should he not ^ ? I do not hint that Liberals should dare To oust the present holder of the chair But surely he would not object to be Gently examined by a Board of three? Their duty being just to ascertain That he's 'all there* (I mean, of course, in brain), And that his mind, from 'petty details' clear. Is fitted for the duties of his sphere. All this is merely moonshine, till we get The seal of Parliament upon it set. ^ *To preside over a Congregation with full legislative powers, the Vice-Chancellor ought no doubt to be a man of real capacity; but why should he not? His mind ought also, for this as well as for his other high functions, to be clear of petty details, and devoted to the great matters of University business; but why should not this condition also be fulfilled?* HEBDOMADAL COUNCIL. 1/ A word then, Senior Censor, in your ear : The Government is in a state of fear Like some old gentleman, abroad at night, Seized with a sudden shiver of affright. Who offers money, on his bended knees, To the first skulking vagabond he sees Now is the lucky moment for our task ; They daren't refuse us anything we ask ^ ! And then our Fellowships shall open be To Intellect, no meaner quality! No moral excellence, no social fitness Shall ever be admissible as witness. ' Avaunt, dull Virtue ! ' is Oxonia's cry : 'Come to my arms, ingenious Villainy!' For Classic Fellowships, an honour high, Simonides and Co. will then apply Our Mathematics will to Oxford bring The 'cutest members of the betting-ring Law Fellowships will start upon their journeys A myriad of unscrupulous attorneys While poisoners, doomed till now to toil unknown. Shall mount the Physical Professor's throne! ^ * If you apply now to Parliament for this or any other Uni- versity reform, you will find the House of Commons in a pro- pitious mood Even the Conservative Government, as it looks for the support of moderate Liberals on the one great sub- ject, is very unwilling to present itself in such an aspect that these men may not be able decently to give it their support.' iS THE ELECTIONS TO THE And thus would Oxford educate, indeed, Men far beyond a merely local need With no career before them, I may say\ Unless they're wise enough to go away, And seek, far West, or in the distant East, Another flock of pigeons to be fleeced. I might go on, and trace the destiny Of Oxford in an age which, though it be Thus breaking with tradition, owns a new Allegiance to the intellectual few (I mean, of course, the pshaw ! no matter who !) J But, were I to pursue the boundless theme, I fear that I should seem to you to dream ^. This to fulfil, or even humbler far To shun Conservatism's noxious star And all the evils that it brings behind, "| These pestilential coils must be untwined | These party-coils, that clog the march of Mind J ^ ' With open Fellowships, Oxford will soon produce a supply of men fit for the work of high education far beyond her own local demands, and in fact with no career before them unless a career can be opened elsewhere.' 2 ' I should seem to you to dream if I were to say what I think the destiny of the University may be in an age which, though it is breaking with tradition, is, from the same causes, owning a new allegiance to intellectual authority.' HEBDOMADAL COUNCIL. I9 Choked in whose meshes Oxford, slowly wise, Has lain for three disastrous centuries^. Away with them! (It is for this I yearn.) Each twist untwist, each Turner overturn ! Disfranchise each Conservative, and cancel The votes of Michell, Liddon, Wall, and Mansel ! Then, then shall Oxford be herself again, Neglect the heart, and cultivate the brain Then this shall be the burden of our song, *A11 change is good whatever is, is wrong' Then Intellect's proud flag shall be unfurled, And Brain, and Brain alone, shall rule the world ! ^ * But to fulfil this, or even a far humbler destiny to escape the opposite lot the pestilential coils of party, in which the University has lain for three disastrous centuries choked, must be untwined.' THE OFFER OF THE CLARENDON TRUSTEES. ACCOMMODATED : THAT IS, WHEN A MAN IS. AS .THEY SAY, ACCOMMODATED ; OR WHEN A MAN IS BEING WHEREBY HE MAY BE THOUGHT TO BE ACCOMMODATED ; WHICH IS AN EXCELLENT THING.' Dear Senior Censor, In a desultory conversation on a point con- nected with the dinner at our high table, you incidentally remarked to me that lobster-sauce, * though a necessary adjunct to turbot, was not entirely wholesome.' It is entirely unwholesome. I never ask for it without reluctance : I never take a second spoonful without a feeling of apprehension on the subject of possible night-mare *. This naturally brings me to the subject of Mathematics, and of the accommodation provided by the University for carrying on the calculations necessary in that important branch of Science. * See page lo, Notes 1,2. 22 THE OFFER OF As Members of Convocation are called upon (whether personally, or, as is less exasperating, by letter) to consider the offer of the Clarendon Trustees, as well as every other subject of human, or inhuman, interest, capable of consideration, it has occurred to me to suggest for your con- sideration how desirable roofed buildings are for carrying on mathematical calculations : in fact, the variable character of the weather in Oxford renders it highly inexpedient to attempt much occupation, of a sedentary nature, in the open air. Again, it is often impossible for students to carry on accurate mathematical calculations in close contiguity to one another, owing to their mutual interference, and a tendency to general conversation : consequently these processes re- quire different rooms in which irrepressible con- versationists, who are found to occur in every branch of Society, might be carefully and per- manently fixed. It may be sufficient for the present to enu- merate the following requisites : others might be added as funds permitted. A. A very large room for calculating Greatest Common Measure. To this a small one might THE CLARENDON TRUSTEES. 23 be attached for Least Common Multiple : this, however, might be dispensed with. B. A piece of open ground for keeping Roots and practising their extraction : it would be advisable to keep Square Roots by themselves, as their corners are apt to damage others. C. A room for reducing Fractions to their Lowest Terms. This should be provided with a cellar for keeping the Lowest Terms when found, which might also be available to the general body of Undergraduates, for the purpose of ' keeping Terms.' D. A large room, which might be darkened, and fitted up with a magic lantern, for the pur- pose of exhibiting Circulating Decimals in the act of circulation. This might also contain cup- boards, fitted wuth glass-doors, for keeping the various Scales of Notation. E. A narrow strip of ground, railed off and carefully levelled, for investigating the properties of Asymptotes, and testing practically whether Parallel Lines meet or not : for this purpose it should reach, to use the expressive language of Euclid, ' ever so far.' This last process, of 'continually producing the Lines,' may require centuries or more : but 24 OFFER OF THE CLARENDON TRUSTEES. such a period, though long in the life of an individual, is as nothing in the life of the Uni- versity. As Photography is now very much employed in recording human expressions, and might pos- sibly be adapted to Algebraical Expressions, a small photographic room would be desirable, both for general use and for representing the various phenomena of Gravity, Disturbance of Equilibrium, Resolution, &c., which affect the features during severe mathematical operations. May I trust that you will give your immediate attention to this most important subject? Believe me, Sincerely yours, MATHEMATICUS. Feb. 6, 1868. THE DESERTED PARKS. SOLITDDINEM FACIUNT : PABGUM APPELLANT.' Museum ! loveliest building of the plain Where Cherwell winds towards the distant main ; How often have I loitered o'er thy green, Where V humble happiness endeared the scene ! How often have I paused on every charm, The rustic couple walking arm in arm The groups of trees, with seats beneath the shade For prattling babes and whisp'ring lovers made The never-failing brawl, the busy mill Where tiny urchins vied in fistic skill (Two phrases only have that dusky race Caught from the learned influence of the place ; Phrases in their simplicity sublime, ' Scramble a copper ! ' ' Please, Sir, what 's the time ? ') 26 THE DESERTED PARKS. These round thy walks their cheerful influence shed ; These were thy charms but all these charms are fled. Amidst thy bowers the tyrant's hand is seen, And rude pavilions sadden all thy green ; One selfish pastime grasps the whole domain, And half a faction swallows up the plain ; Adown thy glades, all sacrificed to cricket, The hollow-sounding bat now guards the wicket ; Sunk are thy mounds in shapeless level all, Lest aught impede the swiftly rolling ball ; And trembling, shrinking from the fatal blow, Far, far away thy hapless children go. Ill fares the place, to luxury a prey. Where wealth accumulates, and minds decay ; Athletic sports may flourish or may fade. Fashion may make them, even as it has made ; But the broad Parks, the city's joy and pride, When once destroyed can never be supplied ! Ye friends to truth, ye statesmen, who survey The rich man's joys increase, the poor's decay, 'Tis yours to judge, how wide the limits stand Between a splendid and a happy land. Proud swells go by with laugh of hollow joy. And shouting Folly hails them with 'Ahoy!' THE DESERTED PARKS. 2^ Funds even beyond the miser's wish abound, And rich men flock from all the world around. Yet count our gains. This wealth is but a name, That leaves our useful products still the same. Not so the loss. The man of wealth and pride Takes up a space that many poor supplied ; Space for the game, and all its instruments, Space for pavilions and for scorers' tents ; The ball, that raps his shins in padding cased, Has worn the verdure to an arid waste ; His Park, where these exclusive sports are seen, Indignant spurns the rustic from the green ; While through the plain, consigned to silence all. In barren splendour flits the russet ball. In peaceful converse .with his brother Don, Here oft the calm Professor wandered on ; Strange words he used men drank with won- dering ears The languages called ' dead,' the tongues of other years. (Enough of Heber! Let me once again Attune my verse to Goldsmith's liquid strain.) A man he was to undergraduates dear. And passing rich with forty pounds a year. And so, I ween, he would have been till now, Had not his friends ('twere long to tell you how) 28 THE DESERTED PARKS. Prevailed on him, Jack-Horner-like, to try Some method to evaluate his pie, And win from those dark depths, with skilful thumb, Five times a hundredweight of luscious plum Yet for no thirst of wealth, no love of praise, In learned labour he consumed his days! O luxury! thou cursed by Heaven's decree. How ill exchanged are things like these for thee ! How do thy potions, with insidious joy, Diffuse their pleasures only to destroy; Iced cobbler, Badminton, and shandy-gafif. Rouse the loud jest and idiotic laugh ; Inspired by them, to tipsy greatness grown. Men boast a florid vigour not their own ; At every draught more wild and wild they grow; While pitying friends observe * I told you so ! ' Till, summoned to their post, at the first ball, A feeble under-hand, their wickets fall. Even now the devastation is begun. And half the business of destruction done ; Even now, methinks while pondering here in pity, I see the rural Virtues leave the city. THE DESERTED PARKS. 29 Contented Toil, and calm scholastic Care, And frugal Moderation, all are there ; Resolute Industry that scorns the lure Of careless mirth that dwells apart secure To science gives her days, her midnight oil, Cheered by the sympathy of others' toil Courtly Refinement, and that Taste in dress That brooks no meanness, yet avoids excess All these I see, with slow reluctant pace Desert the long-beloved and honoured place! While yet 'tis time, Oxonia, rise and fling The spoiler from thee : grant no parleying ! Teach him that eloquence, against the wrong, Though very poor, may still be very strong ; That party-interests we must forego. When hostile to ' pro bono publico ' ; That faction's empire hastens to its end. When once mankind to common sense attend ; While independent votes may win the day Even against the potent spell of * Play ! ' May, 1867. THE END. THE N EW BELFRY OF CHRIST CHURCH, OXFORD. I THE NEW BELFRY OF CHRIST CHURCH, OXFORD. A MONOGRAPH BY D. C. L. "A THING OF BEAUTY IS A JOY FOR EVER," East view of the nav Belfry, Ch. Ch., as seen from the Meadow. SECOND THOUSAND. OXFORD: JAMES PARKER AND CO. 1873- CONTENTS. PAGE I. On the etymological significance of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. .... 7 2. On the style of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. 7 3. On the origin of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. 8 4. On the chief architectural merit of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. . . . .11 5. On the other architectural merits of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. . . . .11 6. On the means of obtaining the best views of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. . 12 7. On the impetus given to Art in England by the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. . .13 8. On the feelings with which old Ch. Ch. men regard the new Belfry . .14 9. On the feelings with which resident Ch. Ch. men regard the new Belfry . .16 10. On the logical treatment of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch 16 II. On the dramatic treatment of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. . . . . . 17 12. On the Future of the new^ Belfry, Ch. Ch. 20 13. On the Moral of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. 22 B THE NEW BELFRY OF CHRIST CHURCH, OXFORD. 1. On the etymological significance of the new Belfry y Ch, Ch. The word ' Belfry' is derived from the French bel, 'beautiful, becoming, meet/ and from the German frei^ ^ free, unfettered, secure, safe.' Thus the word is strictly equivalent to 'meat- safe,' to which the new Belfry bears a resem- blance so perfect as almost to amount to coincidence. 2. On the style of the new Belfry^ Ch. Ch. The style is that which is usually known as 'Early Debased': very early, and remarkably debased. B2 8 THE NEW BELFRY 3. Ou the origin of the new Belfry^ Ck. Ch. Outsiders have enquired, with a persistence verging on personality, and with a recklessness scarcely distinguishable from insanity, to whom we are to attribute the first grand conception of the work. Was it the Treasurer, say they, who thus strove to force it on an unwilling House? Was it a Professor who designed this box, which, whether with a lid on or not, equally ofifends the eye ? Or was it a Censor whose weird spells evoked the horrid thing, the bane of this and of succeeding genera- tions ? Until some reply is given to these and similar questions, they must and will remain ^ for ever unanswered ! On this point Rumour has been unusually busy. Some say that the Governing Body evolved the idea in solemn conclave the original motion being to adopt the Tower of St. Mark's at Venice as a model : and that by a series of amendments it was reduced at last to a simple cube. Others say that the Reader in Chemistry suggested it as a form of crystal. There are others who affirm that the Mathematical Lecturer found it in the OF CHRIST CHURCH. 9 Eleventh Book of Euclid. In fact, there is no end to the various myths afloat on the subject. Most fortunately, we are in posses- sion of the real story. The true origin of the design is as follows : we have it on the very best authority. The head of the House, and the architect, feeling a natural wish that their names should be embodied, in some conspicuous way, among the alterations then in progress, conceived the beautiful and unique idea of representing, by means of the new Belfry, a gigantic copy of a Greek Lexicon.* But, before the idea had been reduced to a working form, business took them both to London for a few days, and during their absence, somehow (this part of the business has never been satisfactorily ex- plained) the whole thing was put into the hands of a wandering architect, who gave the name of Jeeby. As the poor man is now incarcerated at Hanwell, we will not be too hard upon his memory, but will only say that * The Editor confesses to a difficulty here. No sufficient reason has been adduced why a model of a Greek Lexicon should in any way ' embody ' the names of the above illustrious individuals. 10 THE NEW BELFRY he professed to have originated the idea in a moment of inspiration, when idly contemplating one of those highly coloured, and mysteriously decorated chests which, filled with dried leaves from gooseberry bushes and quickset hedges, profess to supply the market with tea of genuine Chinese growth. Was there not some- thing prophetic in the choice? What traveller is there, to whose lips, when first he enters that great educational establishment and gazes on this its newest decoration, the words do not rise unbidden 'Thou tea-chest'? It is plain then that Scott, the great architect to whom the work of restoration has been en- trusted, is not responsible for this. He is said to have pronounced it a 'casus belli', which (with all deference to the Classical Tutors of the House, who insist that he meant merely 'a case for a bell') we believe to have been intended as a term of reproach. The following lines are attributed to Scott : ' If thou wouldst view the Belfry aright, Go visit it at the mirk midnight For the least hint of open day- Scares the beholder quite away. OF CHRIST CHURCH. II When wall and window are black as pitch. And there's no deciding which is which; When the dark Hall's uncertain roof In horror seems to stand aloof; When corner and corner, alternately, Is wrought to an odious symmetry; When distant Thames is heard to sigh And shudder as he hurries by; Then go, if it be worth the while. Then view the Belfry's monstrous pile. And, home returning, soothly swear "'Tis more than Job himself could bear!"' 4. On the chief architectural merit of the new Belfry^ Ch, Ch. Its chief merit is its Simplicity a Sim- plicity so pure, so profound, in a word, so simple, that no other word will fitly describe it. The meagre outline, and baldness of de- tail, of the present Chapter, are adopted in humble imitation of this great feature. 5. On the other architectural merits of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch, The Belfry has no other architectural merits. 12 THE NEW BELFRY 6. On the means of obtaining the best views of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. The visitor may place himself, in the first instance, at the opposite corner of the Great Quadrangle, and so combine, in one grand spectacle, the beauties of the North ^nd West sides of the edifice. He will find that the converging lines forcibly suggest a vanishing point, and if that vanishing point should in its turn suggest the thought, 'would that it were on the point of vanishing ! ' he may per- chance, like the Soldier in the Ballad, 'lean upon his sword ' (if he has one : they are not commonly worn by modern tourists), 'and wipe away a tear.' He may then make the circuit of the Quadrangle, drinking in new visions of beauty at every step ' Ever charming, ever new, When will the Belfry tire the view?' as Dyer sings in his well-known poem, 'Grongar Hill' and, as he walks along from the Deanery towards the Hall staircase, and breathes more and more freely as the Belfry lessens on the view, the delicious sensation of OF CHRIST CHURCH. 1 3 relief, which he will experience w^hen it has finally disappeared, will amply repay him for all he will have endured. The best view of the Belfry is that selected by our Artist for the admirable frontispiece which he has furnished for the first Volume of the present work."^ This view may be seen, in all its beauty, from the far end of Merton Meadow. From that point the im- posing position (or, more briefly, the impo- sition) of the whole structure is thrillingly apparent. There the thoughtful passer-by, with four right angles on one side of him, and four anglers, who have no right to be there, on the other, may ponder on the mutability of human things, or recall the names of Euclid and Isaak Walton, or smoke, or ride a bicycle, or do anything that the local authorities will permit. ^ "]. On the impetus given to Art in England by the new Belfry^ Ch. Ch, The idea has spread far and wide, and is * On further consideration, it was deemed inexpedient to extend this work beyond the compass of one Volume. 14 THE NEW BELFRY rapidly pervading all branches of manufacture. Already an enterprising maker of bonnet- boxes is advertising ' the Belfry pattern ' : two builders of bathing-machines at Ramsgate have followed his example : one of the great London houses is supplying * bar-soap' cut in the same striking and symmetrical form : and we are credibly informed that Borwick's Baking Powder and Thorley's Food for Cattle are now sold in no other shape. 8. On tJte feelings with which old Ch. Ch. men regard the new Belfry, Bitterly bitterly do all old Ch. Ch. men lament this latest lowest development of native taste. 'We see the Governing Body,' say they: 'where is the Governing Mind?^ And Echo (exercising a judicious 'natural selection' for which even Darwin would give her credit) answers ' where ?' At the approaching ' Gaudy,' when a number of old Ch. Ch. men will be gathered together, it is proposed, at the conclusion of the banquet, to present to each guest a portable model of the new Belfry, tastefully executed in cheese. OF CHRIST CHURCH. 1$ 9. On the feelings with which resident Ch. Ch, men regard the new Belfry, Who that has seen a Ch. Ch. man conduct- ing his troop of 'lionesses' (so called from the savage and pitiless greed with which they devour the various sights of Oxford) through its ancient precincts, that has noticed the con- vulsive start and ghastly stare that always affect new-comers when first they come into view of the new Belfry, that has heard the eager ques- tions with which they assail their guide as to the how, the why, the what for, and the how long, of this astounding phenomenon, can have failed to mark the manly glow which imme- diately suffuses the cheek of the hapless cicerone } * Is it the glow of conscious pride Of pure ambition gratified That seeks to read in other eye Something of its own ecstasy ? Or wrath, that worldlings should make fun Of anything 'the House' has done? Or puzzlement, that seeks in vain The rigid mystery to explain? Or is it shame that, knowing not How to defend or cloak the blot 1 6 THE NEW BELFRY The foulest blot on fairest face That ever marred a noble place Burns with the pangs it will not own, Pangs felt by loyal sons alone ? * 10. On the logical treatment of the new Belfry, CL Ch, The subject has been reduced to three Syllogisms. The first is in * Barbara,^ It is attributed to the enemies of the Belfry. Wooden buildings in the midst of stone-work are barbarous; Plain rectangular forms in the midst of arches and decorations are barbarous ; ErgOf The whole thing is ridiculous and revolting. The second is in ' Celarent^ and has been most carefully composed by the friends of the Belfry. The Governing Body would conceal this appalling structure, if they could; The Governing Body would conceal the feelings of chagrin " with which they now regard it, if they could; ErgOf ....... {MS. unfinished.) The third Syllogism is in ' Festinol and is the OF CHRIST CHURCH. 1 7 joint composition of the friends and the enemies of the Belfry. To restore the character of Ch. Ch., a tower must be built; To build a tower, ten thousand pounds must be raised ; Ergo, No time must be lost. These three Syllogisms have been submitted to the criticism of the Professor of Logic, who writes that ' he fancies he can detect some slight want of logical sequence in the Conclusion of the third.' He adds that, according to his experience of life, when people thus commit a fatal blunder in child-like confidence that money will be forthcoming to enable them to set it right, in ten cases out of nine the money is not forthcoming. This is a large percentage. II. On the dramatic treatment of the new Belfry, Ch, Ch. Curtain rises, dtsco'vering the Dean, Canons y and Students, seated round a table, on luhich the mad Architect, fantastically dressed, and rearing a Fool's cap and bells, is placing a square block of deal. Dean {as Hamlet), Methinks I see a Bell- tower ! 1 8 THE NEW BELFRY Canons [looking wildly in all directions). Where, my good Sir ? Dean. In my mind's eye {Knocking heard) Who's there ? FooL A spirit, a spirit ; he says his name's poor Tom. Enter THE GREAT Bell, disguised as a mushroom. Great Bell, Who gives anything to poor Tom ? whom the foul fiend hath led through bricks and through mortar, through rope and windlass, through plank and scaffold ; that hath torn down his balustrades, and torn up his terraces ; that hath made him go as a common pedlar, with a wooden box upon his back. Do* poor Tom some charity. Tom's a-cold. Rafters, and planks, and such small deer, Shall be Tom's food for many a year. Censor. I feared it would come to this. Dean [as King Lear). The little dons and all, Tutor, Reader, Lecturer see, they bark at me ! Censor, His wits begin to unsettle. Dean {as Hamlet), Do you see yonder box, that's almost in shape of a tea-caddy } OF CHRIST CHURCH. 19 Censor, By its mass, it is like a tea-caddy, indeed. Dean. Methinks it is like a clothes-horse. Censor. It is backed like a clothes-horse. Dean. Or like a tub. Censor, Very like a tub. Dean, They fool me to the top of my bent. Enter from opposite sides THE Belfry as Boxy and THE BoDLEY Librarian as Cox. Librarian. Who are you, Sir } Belfry. If it comes to that. Sir, who are you.** ^hey exchange cards. Librarian. I should feel obliged to you if you could accommodate me with a more pro- tuberant Bell-tower, Mr. B. The one you have now seems to me to consist of corners only, with nothing whatever in the middle. Belfry. Anything to accommodate you, Mr. Cox. {Places jauntily on his head a small model of the skeleton of an timbrella, upside down) Librarian. Ah, tell me in mercy tell me have you such a thing as a redeeming feature, 20 THE NEW BELFRY or the least mark of artistic design, about you ? Belfry. No ! Librarian, Then you are my long-lost door- scraper ! They rmh into each other's arms. Enter TREASURER as Ariel, Solemn music. Song and Chorus. Five fathom square the Belfry frowns; All its sides of timber made; Painted all in greys and browns; Nothing of it that will fade. Christ Church may admire the change Oxford thinks it sad and strange. Beauty's dead ! Let's ring her knell. Hark! now I hear them ding-dong, bell. 12. On the Future of the new Belfry^ Ch. Ch, The Belfry has a great Future before it at least, if it has not, it has very little to do with Time at all, its Past being (fortunately for our ancestors) a nonentity, and its Present a blank. The advantage of having been born in the reign of Queen Anne, and of having OF CHRIST CHURCH. 21 died in that or the subsequent reign, has never been so painfully apparent as it is now. Credible witnesses assert that, when the bells are rung, the Belfry must come down. In that case considerable damage (the pro- cess technically described as 'pulverisation') must ensue to the beautiful pillar and roof which adorn the Hall staircase. But the architect is prepared even for this emergency. * On the first symptom of deflection' (he writes from Hanwell), 'let the pillar be care- fully removed and placed, with its super- struent superstructure' (we cannot forbear calling attention to this beautiful phrase), 'in the centre of "Mercury." There it will con- stitute a novel and most unique feature of the venerable House.' *Yea, and the Belfry shall serve to genera- tions yet unborn as an aerial Ticket-office,' so he cries with his eye in a fine frenzy rolling, 'where the Oxford and London Balloon shall call ere it launch forth on its celestial voyage and where expectant passengers shall while away the time with the latest edition of "Bell's Life"!' 22 THE NEW BELFRY 13. On the Moral of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch, The moral position of Christ Church is un- doubtedly improved by it. *We have been attacked, and perhaps not without reason, on the Bread-and-Butter question/ she remarks to an inattentive World (which heeds her not, but prates on of Indirect Claims and of anything but indirect Claimants), 'we have been charged and, it must be confessed, in a free and manly tone with shortcomings in the payment of the Greek Professor, but who shall say that we are not all "on the square" nowf This, however, is not the Moral of the matter. Everything has a moral, if you choose to look for it. In Wordsworth, a good half of every poem is devoted to the Moral : in Byron, a smaller proportion : in Tupper, the whole. Per- haps the most graceful tribute we can pay to the genius of the last-named writer, is to en- trust to him, as an old member of Christ Church, the conclusion of this Monograph. Look on the Quadrangle of Christ Church, squarely, for is it not a Square? And a Square recalleth a Cube; and a Cube recalleth the Belfry; OF CHRIST CHURCH. 23 And the Belfry recalleth a Die, shaken by the hand of the gambler ; Yet, once thrown, it may not be recalled, being, so to speak, irrevocable. There it shall endure for ages, treading hard on the heels of the Sublime For it is but a step, saith the wise man, from the Sublime unto the Ridiculous : And the Simple dwelleth midway between, and shareth the qualities of either.' FINIS. OXFORD: By T. Combe, M.A., E. B. Gardner, E. Pickard Hall, and J, H. Stacy, PRINTERS TO THE UNIVERSITY. THE VISION OF THE THREE T'S. THE VISION OF THE THREE T'S, A THRENODY THE AUTHOR OF "THE NEW BELFRY." 'call you this, baching of your friends?' IVest view of the nerw Tunnel. SECOND EDITION. OXFORD: JAMES PARKER AND CO. 1873. CONTENTS. CHAPTER I. A Conference (held on the Twentieth of March^ 1873) betwixt an Angler, a Hunter, and c 3 Cv c i^ ^ ^ -4 3; i^ 9 I.