This book is DUE on the last date stamped below 
 
 7947! 
 
 tDURC 
 MAR 1 8196 
 
 MAR 6 1969 
 
 Form L-9-10m-3,'27
 
 THE 
 
 REFORMERS, 
 
 A POEM.
 
 THE 
 
 REFORMERS. 
 
 A SATIRICAL POEM. 
 
 , ADDRESSED 
 
 TO ALL THE FRIENDS AS WELL AS THE ENEMIES 
 
 OF THE 
 
 CONSTITUTION. 
 
 When one fool happeneth to meet another, 
 Fondly they greet, " Ah ! how do, deareft Brother?' 
 While wife men, paffing, fee the Fools together, 
 And tho 1 they laugh at, they don't fpeak to either. 
 PAINE firft began, Reformers follow'd after, 
 Yet both are only fit for wife men's laughter. 
 
 Edinburgh : 
 
 Printed for JOHN GUTHRIE, Bookfcller, 
 Nicoifon's Street, No. 2. 
 
 1793- 
 923:-
 
 ARGU M EN -71 
 
 unknown Bard conunenceth his faji produclion, 
 by painting, in high poetic colouring, the happinefs cf 
 
 Britons ; and wickedly compareth the great Mr 
 
 PAINE, to the Devi!, J "owing diffention among ft them. 
 Declareth, it is natural to feds to be dijccr.icnted, 
 and to imitate one another ; and ahncfi averreth, 
 
 that the Reformers are all fools. Defer ibeth 
 
 facetioufty ivho the Reformers are, and the fage dif- 
 ccurfe that takcth place at their meetings,- Gives a 
 
 character of Mr Paine. /Irgutth wifely, and 
 
 inakeih beaittiful fi 'miles. Quoteth two lines f run 
 
 the celebrated Mr Alexander Pope, poei^and af- 
 ter displaying his great knowledge of the human v:Jr-' f t 
 (cncludeth ivith ft ferocious ad*
 
 
 THE 
 
 REFORMERS, 
 
 A SATIRICAL POEM. 
 
 IJRITANNIA'S glory long the world has fearM, 
 And mankind long, beheld her fame with awe 5 
 
 Her Conflitution, on truth's bafis rear'd ; 
 Her rulers upright, as her upright law ! 
 
 While foreign nations, under defpots groanM, 
 And men, unhappy, durft not fpeak their mind, 1 
 
 Britannia's fons, untainted bleflings found ; 
 Fair liberty, with happy order join'd ! 
 
 High to the ikies, her gorgeous turrets rife ; 
 
 Peace and contentment mark each village fwain. 
 Her fields with plenty teeming, draw all eyes ; 
 
 Britannia's fons, have long of her been vain ! 
 
 Her
 
 C 8 ) 
 
 Her hardy feamsn have the waters rul'd ; 
 
 Oft have her ibldiers, conquer'd in the fid j. 
 Then fay, Brave Britons, would ye now be fooi'd ? 
 
 To gilded reafons, Britons, would ye yield ? 
 
 Have ye forgot, v/hen oft to war led on, 
 
 Ye friv'lous Frenchmen, made like chaff to fly, 
 
 Think ye not on, the d<?ed? ye oft have done, 
 Still crying loud, " We conquer (hall, or die." 
 
 Still nobly Tinging, *' Britain rules the waves," 
 
 * And Britons, never (hall be flaves." 
 
 On birth- day nights, ye Britons, oft have met, 
 And loyal faithful hearts, did with you bring ; 
 
 No alienated minds, proud looks, no pet ; 
 
 The walls then echoed, with " Long live the King,' 7 
 
 " Still may he ftourlfh, flourifh great and free, 
 
 " No mtkn on the earth, fo bleft as we!" 
 
 Your little children, when they firft began, 
 With lifping tongues, to cry out, " Pa Pappa ; ;: 
 
 You ftroak'd their heads, and faki, " When you're 
 
 " a man, 
 Remember, George, to fear the King and law !" 
 
 "When pleas'd at dinner, with your families feated, 
 You, happy Britons, oft would gaily fmg ; 
 
 And when with punch, your loyal hearts were heated, 
 You faid, " George, tike a glafs, and drink the 
 
 Here
 
 ( 9 ) 
 
 ( Here, Charlotte, 'Melia, Henry, come, all join, 
 He who the King's health drinketh, drinkeih mine !" 
 
 Contentment, then, good Britons, rheer'd your faces* 
 Your children fmiled, like the loves and graces. 
 From morn to night, you (till would happy be, 
 From care, anxiety, and Reform free ! 
 
 In this fair fiov/ry garden, were no briars ; 
 No thiilles, pricking fecretly, like lyars. 
 All, every thing was pleafmg, not one toy. 
 Contentment, pleafure, happlnefs, and joy 1 
 
 See then, in this fair garden, fecret creep, 
 With tim'rous looks, uncertain, troubled flep j 
 A man, now of his labours, wond'rous vain, 
 You know his name well, Britons, 'tis Tom Paine. 
 
 Thus Satan, when to Paradife, let in, 
 Brought aking hearts, difeafe, and death, and fin i 
 O'erturn'd the oak, the trees, the fragrant bowers^ 
 Pluck' d up the rofes, mangled all the flowers ; 
 Then in the middle {talking, v/cnd'rous civil, 
 Cried, " Here, my friends, take Freedom, and the 
 " Devil i" 
 
 When a fool, flrangely flaring, walks the ftreet, 
 Ringing with furious hand, his noify beils ; 
 
 Straight every other fool, whom he may m^et, 
 Stops his dear brother, snd his burdens tells. 
 
 With
 
 With forrowing heart, points out each frivolous 
 
 thing, 
 
 Each little grievance, lefler than a ring : 
 But quite forgetteth, every fruitful fountain, 
 And ftores of blefiings, larger than a mountain. 
 
 Under the banners of good Thomas Paine, 
 Quick many a difcontented perfon, ran ; 
 
 And thofe who were of alterations vain, 
 Beheld a thoufand beauties, in his plan. 
 
 Yea, with the gape of ign' ranee, thought they faw, 
 
 His flan, already formed to a law. 
 
 Straight they began, to fpread their thoughts about, 
 And feek for profelytes with a greedy eye, 
 
 Convincing ignorance, when they found him out, 
 And catching every gull, they could efpy. 
 
 In tippling houfes oft thefe wife men gather, 
 And fajfely do they reafon many an hour, 
 
 How toTnake taxes, lighter than a feather, 
 And to do things, they never did before. 
 
 On plans which would make candle eafier burn, 
 
 Give them more light, and butter better churn. 
 
 Ways which would reafon's dictates everfpurn, ' 
 And fuch odd things. 
 
 For lo ! thefe Judges, wonder at the change, 
 
 Which doth allow, their little tongues to range. 
 In fpeaking as they pleafe of laws and kings. 
 
 Aflbciations
 
 Aflbciations they themfelves do name, 
 
 And fay they meet in " lovely Freedom's caufe," 
 
 And cry with half-feal'd lips, e * We think no fhame, 
 To come-to to curfe King and laws and laws." 
 
 Freedom, I fay, their worthy lips doth feal, 
 
 With highland whifky, and " fine old cork'd ale." 
 
 The worthy members, of thefe worthy meetings, 
 Are coblers fome, fome brewers to their trade ; 
 
 Weavers are fome, fome finely thrive by beatings *, 
 And fome by their fmart feet do make their bread f . 
 
 Old toothlefs Schoolmafters, and furious Tanners ; 
 
 Tailors, Hair-dreffers, deep-read Butchers too, 
 All lift with zeal, under fair Reform's banners, 
 
 And that, they will be very great men, vow. 
 
 Yea all, 
 
 (Withfapient looks of vaft importance big, 
 Huge pounds of knowledge, curling in their wig,) 
 
 Do call, 
 
 " Give us but Freedom, Freedom- -we we fay, 
 " And then, we may get drunk all dayall day !'' 
 
 In Edinburgh town and London city, 
 
 And many other places dy' fee ; 
 Thefe fage Reformers (freedom! what a pity) 
 
 Sttal to their meetings, that none may them fee. 
 
 * Boxers. f DanciDg-Mafters. 
 
 And
 
 And left fome angry mailifT dog fhould bark. 
 They hold thefe worthy meetings in the cLrk 5 
 Where with a mug of porter, and piece eheefe, 
 They curfe the King and nation as they pleafe, 
 Till mTd with liberty, and juice of malt, 
 They fally forth, and at each corner halt, 
 To roar aloud, " Equa Equality, 
 " Behold the blefilngs of it, Sir, in me!" 
 
 What they would have, they feem not well to 
 
 know, 
 Why, if all equal, to a Prejes boiv ? 
 
 Should a fond father, fay unto his fori, 
 
 " Jacky, my dear, go, hither brir.g my wig ;" 
 
 The little rogue, would think it exc'llent fun, 
 To fay " not I, I'm equal, tho' not big! 1 ' 
 
 The difappointed, envious, and the needy ; 
 The difcontented, worthlefs, ard the greedy ; 
 Thofe who have nought to lofe, have much . tc/ 
 
 win, 
 
 Defpifmg virtue, and prcfefTmg (in, 
 Are thofe, who form the bulk of Freedom's fons : 
 Mod worthy heroes hail ! hail, blazing funs T 
 
 Their leader too, for moil part of his life, 
 
 Has been enga-gM in difcord and in flri. 
 
 His mind more wavering than a cock on (leeple r 
 
 A ruler, really fitted for ^hs people.
 
 ( '3 ) 
 
 FAINE'S Books, 'tis true, lay down zfair-fac'd phm; 
 
 But actions, fure not words, muft be our rule. 
 A wife man may admire the c'ergreen's fruit, 
 
 But did he eat it, he would be a fool. 
 
 Yon houfe, that flrikes the ftranger with amaze, 
 Would look IT. oil vvond'rous were it hung in air, 
 
 But then to fay fa's hut an empty blaze, 
 For who the devil e'er could put it there ? 
 
 Could we get wings with which in air to mount, 
 Sure am I, 'twould be a tnoft uiHui thing j 
 
 For merchants then to India might jaunt, 
 
 And home its choicefi produce with them bring, 
 
 Could this be done, it would be fine, I fay. 
 
 But anfwer, who would plant the wings, I pray ? 
 
 Befiues, were ladies ibaring in the air, 
 
 Lord, what a fight, ye Britons, would be there 1 
 
 In ev'ry kingdom, as in ev'ry man, 
 
 Errors, without a doubt, we flill will find, 
 
 And he who layeth down the wife/I plan, 
 
 Will find that plan, in actions, would be wind, 
 
 Let any man in Britain's wide domains 
 Lay's hand upon his heart, and truly fay, 
 
 ^ Here, ever hath the laws of wifdom reign'd, 
 tl Reign'd fince my birth, without one fauk till 
 t' day," 
 
 That
 
 That man o'er England would deferve to reign, 
 Much greater he, than worthy THOMAS PAINE ! 
 Greater than's Rights of Man, Common Senft, and's 
 
 Letters, 
 Wrote with a brazen face unto his betters. 
 
 Mankind, good Britons, with an envious eye, 
 Still fearch about to find faults in a brother, 
 
 And what within themfelves they hardly fpy, 
 They think a monftrous mountain in another. 
 
 Britons, within the walls of your neat dwellings, 
 Where fportive children cheer the focial fire, 
 
 Has one fad hour not damp'd your choiceft bleffings, 
 Chang'd all your happinefs to forrow dire. 
 
 In that fad hour, has not the time/ that's paft, 
 Wore a dark brow, it never wore before? 
 
 Have you not view'd the prefent with difguft ? 
 And curs'd the future, in that evil hour ? 
 
 Yes, Britons, fure ami, you've all this done : 
 But then, when pleas'd, how has the fcene been 
 alter'd ! 
 
 Then paft and prefent, fiione like fummer's fun ; 
 And the fair future, feem'd with bleflings halter'd. 
 
 Reformers, Britons, have quite chang'd your minds, 
 And mark me well they are the evil hour ; 
 
 13 e pleas'd once more, once more be focial, kind, 
 And you will think, as you have done before. 
 
 Again,
 
 ( IS ) 
 
 Again. Suppofe you hofpitably bring, 
 into your houfe, a ftranger quitd forlorn. 
 
 And cheer his mind, by making children ling, 
 And all the other ways, -you've karri dfince born. 
 
 Buoyed up with your good cheer, your fatted cow, 
 The flranger flraight with evil mind begins 
 
 To tell your children, no refpe&'s your due j 
 That all your maxims, are but filly things. 
 
 That all the paths in which fmce young they've trod* 
 Are paths where evil and injuftice reign, 
 
 And bid them quit, their father and their God ; 
 And feek for Freedom, with him, Thomas Paine* 
 
 Sure, Britons, Britons blood would in you fwell, 
 And with difdain^ou'd kick that man to hell. 
 Yet ftill the followers of that worthy wight, 
 Declare that only he, is in the right. 
 
 Doubtlefs a Cobler, mould like other men, 
 
 Have right to fpeak, and what he thinks to tell. 
 
 But fure a Cobler cannot judge of Kings ! 
 Nor, like a ftatefman, know, the law full well I 
 
 He's ignorant, who openeth wide his mouth ; 
 
 A wife man he, who fits and hears the truth. 
 
 Kind Britons, hear my words with patient ear j 
 Know, that if you'd be happy, you muft fear. 
 
 Much happier fure the fervant of a lord, 
 Than naked Indian, (tretch'd on naked board. 
 
 And
 
 C '6 ) 
 
 And worfe than Indians, Britons, would be you, 
 Did you the doctiines of Reform puifue. 
 " Know well yourfelves, prefume not fangs to fcan, 
 " The proper ftudy of mankind is man." 
 Search the deep recefs of the human mind, 
 And learn to know the paffiom of mankind.. 
 Mark well how Anger turbulently boils, 
 Like foaming billows, darning 'gainft the liles. 
 See Pride elate, with empty honours full : 
 And Sloth {till yawning, heavily and dull. 
 Afk what delight Revenge can ever bring ? 
 And know there's happier mortals than a King, 
 Search well, the good the labour will repay, 
 Reafcn you'll find, ihines faired in the day. 
 And Reafon, Britons, ftill will bid you flay, 
 And to a worthy King your homage pay. 
 Once more 'twill bid you loyal Britons fmg, 
 With loyal hearts, " Long live Great GEORGE our 
 
 King. 
 
 66 Still may he nourifh flourifli great and free, 
 ^ /S r nation in the earth, fo blefi as we /" 
 
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