UC-NRLF 
 
 B 3 3M2 
 
ic Earl of Pawtucket 
 
 JSTUS THOMAS 
 
 JEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th St., New York 
 
The Earl of Pawtucket 
 
 A Comedy in Three Acts 
 
 BY 
 AUGUSTUS THOMAS 
 
 Copyright, 1915, by AUGUSTUS THOMAS 
 
 Revised 1917. by AUGUSTUS THOMAS 
 Copyright, 1917, by AUGUSTUS THOMAS 
 
 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 
 
 CAUTION. All persons are hereby warned that "THE 
 EARL OF PAWTUCKET," being fully protected under the 
 copyright laws of the United States, is subject to royalty, 
 and anyone presenting the play without the consent of the 
 author or his authorized agents will be liable to the penal 
 ties by law provided. Applications for the amateur acting 
 rights must be made to SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 
 38th St., New York. Applications for the professional 
 acting rights must be made to the American Play Company, 
 33 West 42nd St., New York. 
 
 NEW YORK 
 SAMUEL FRENCH 
 
 PUBLISHES 
 
 E8-30 WEST 38TH STREET 
 
 LONDON 
 
 SAMUEL FRENCH, LTD. 
 26 SOUTHAMPTON STREET 
 
 STRAND 
 
Especial notice should be taken that the possession 
 Of this book without a valid contract for production 
 first having been obtained from the publisher, confers 
 no right or license to professionals or amateurs to 
 produce the play publicly or in private for gain or 
 charity. 
 
 In its present form this play is dedicated to the 
 reading public only, and no performance of it may be 
 given, except by special arrangement with Samuel 
 French. 
 
 SECTION 28. That any person who wilfully or for 
 profit shall infringe any copyright secured by this act, 
 Or who shall knowingly and wilfully aid or abet such 
 infringment, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, 
 and upon conviction thereof shall be punished by im 
 prisonment for not exceeding one year, or by a fine of 
 not less than one hundred dollars nor more than one 
 thousand dollars, or both, in the discretion of the 
 court. Act of March 4, 1909. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 This preface is the fifth of a series intended to 
 give some information upon the way of play writ 
 ing; in fact, to tell all that the author knows about 
 the art as far as the respective plays call it to mind 
 and make it pertinent. 
 
 The four preceding prefaces have, in their order, 
 dealt with a play written to exploit a theory; a 
 drama written to fit a star; a comedy designed to 
 utilize some funny experiences of the writer; and 
 a play constructed to dramatize some biographical 
 incidents in the life of an historic personage. 
 
 This preface is to a comedy in which a man 
 played himself; himself in a fictitious character and 
 in devised situations; but the character worn, and 
 the situations resolved as he, in proper life, would 
 have been, and would have met them. This is not 
 an unusual relation. The parts are many in which 
 actors simply play themselves, and there are many 
 prominent players whose personalities, habits of 
 thought and conduct, would make the starting 
 points and the guiding forces in plays. 
 
 Mr. Lawrence Dorsay is such an actor. To de 
 scribe him in a line, one would have to use the 
 phrase so often applied to him by his critics : " The 
 Ouida type of heavy guardsman." His expression 
 is the dominant one of distinguished, opaque, Eng 
 lish toleration, alternated with bland astonishment, 
 not unmixed with good-nature, but always self- 
 confident, self-sufficient, and aristocratic. 
 
 There used to be some men at the actors club, 
 even Englishmen perhaps I should say especially 
 
 3 
 
 L 379 
 
4 PREFACE. 
 
 Englishmen who thought that Dorsay s drawl, 
 and his broad pronunciation were exaggerated; but 
 I believe them genuine. I have seen him in gaiety 
 and in grief,, in deadly earnestness, even intensely 
 sea-sick; through all, his condescension and his 
 broad " a " abided. But there is also a very sub 
 stantial side to him. 
 
 In the early eighties Mr. Clay M. Greene wrote a 
 play for Minnie Palmer; and in its preparation and 
 amending, travelled with the company. He used to 
 tell a story of a young English actor in the cast, 
 upon whom the American members liked to en 
 deavor practical jokes. This English actor was 
 named Lawrence Dorsay. He \vas tall and slight 
 in figure; erect and elegant in carriage, and punc 
 tilious in manners and deportment. In a western 
 mining-town, American humor thought it would be 
 amusing to have one of the girls of a dance-hall, 
 which the men of the company were visiting, invite 
 Dorsay to her private apartment, and then have 
 the big local Sheriff, with a six-shooter, burst into 
 the parlor, and pretend to be the jealous husband. 
 All went as planned, until the encounter, when the 
 mild-mannered Englishman, instead of leaping 
 through the window, as the peeping jokers ex 
 pected, clinched with the Sheriff and the gun, and 
 went to the floor with them. The gun was a loaded 
 forty-five, and in the struggle for its possession, it 
 described many circles. The finish of the contest 
 was without spectators. The Sheriff did the ex 
 plaining, and the author of the joke remained 
 anonymous. 
 
 One day in the middle nineties, I was standing 
 with Dorsay at the busy bar of the Bartholdi Hotel. 
 Dorsay had ordered a Scotch " high-ball " and " no 
 ice, please." When the glasses were set up, there 
 was the usual cube of ice in each. Dorsay pushed 
 back his glass and said, " I told you no ice, please." 
 
PREFACE. 5 
 
 The bar-keeper had been working rapidly, and was 
 irritated; and behind that there seemed to be some 
 pugilistic training, and a Bowery ancestry. He put 
 both forearms on the bar, leaned forward, pro 
 truded his chin and said, " Oh, rats." 
 
 Dorsay broke off the intended remark to me, 
 turned blandly to the bar-keeper, lifted his eye 
 brows in mild astonishment, copied the bar-keeper s 
 pose exactly, and, after a leisurely pause, said most 
 politely, " The same to you, dean chap, and many 
 of them." 
 
 The points that I have indicated, and others, 
 might never have inclined a dramatist to begin work 
 with Air. Dorsay in mind as a star ; but there is one 
 other quality that the regular playwright, which is 
 to say one subsisting by his profession, is always on 
 the look-out to find; that quality is personal mag 
 netism. 
 
 In 1901 the Empire Theatre Stock Company pro 
 duced H. V. Esmond s comedy " The Wilderness." 
 In the cast in important roles were such excellent 
 actors, since stars, as Margaret Anglin, William 
 Courtenay, Charles Richman, Margaret Dale, Mrs. 
 Whiff en, Mr. Crompton and others; and in a quite 
 minor role, Lawrence Dorsay. My wife and I were 
 watching the play from a box, and as Air. Dorsay 
 left the stage I noticed a movement in the parquet 
 like a receding wave, as the audience settled back in 
 their seats. They had moved forward in their at 
 tention in a less concerted action ; but as they heard 
 Dorsay approaching for his second scene, their in 
 terest was immediate, and the forward inclination 
 was in unison. I called my wife s attention to the 
 fact, and when Dorsay came on for the third time, 
 we both noticed the peculiar response. I felt that 
 the actor who was so welcome in such negligible 
 material as his slight role offered, was of stellar 
 quality. 
 
6 PREFACE. 
 
 I had an agreement at that time to write a play 
 for Mr. Charles Froham. He had gone to London, 
 but I cabled, asking if I might have Dorsay. Mr. 
 Froham answered, " Yes." 
 
 This account is a rather circuitous approach to a 
 story of " Pawtucket," but it has an importance, 
 because Dorsay was my inspiration and my point 
 of departure. With Dorsay definitely and graph 
 ically in mind, I began to grope for a story. 
 
 On the American stage, to get the greatest value 
 from the man, as a kind of comic-paper English 
 man of breeding, it was imperative to surround him 
 with Americans, and give him an American back 
 ground. In doing this I naturally thought of 
 Dorsay as an Englishman, and the associated 
 Americans amused with his speech and manner, as 
 I had seen them amused by him in private life ; but 
 as I thought more intimately of him, I remembered 
 that his most amusing moments were in his at 
 tempts, at times, to be ultra-American. This phase 
 seemed only incidentally valuable until, through 
 dwelling on it, the idea came to me to put him in a 
 situation where he would be seriously obliged to as 
 sume it altogether. And with the inception of that 
 idea, I had the bent and the impelling factor of my 
 story. The construction would be along the line 
 of discovering why an Englishman would have to 
 pretend to be an American, and along the further 
 line of his experiences after he began to do so. 
 
 If I were permitted to say to a dozen American 
 and English playwrights of to-day, Pinero, Jones, 
 Gillette, Chambers, Broadhurst, Winchell Smith, 
 Maugham, Sheldon and so on, " What made an 
 ultra-Englishman in America pretend to be an 
 American? Answer promptly," they would reply 
 in chorus, " a woman." That is the dramatist s 
 formula, and it was mine. And the dramatists 
 
PREFACE. 7 
 
 would be agreed on the next step : " Find the 
 woman." 
 
 We must note that Dorsay, in my mind, was to 
 be of the nobility. Commonly that fact would pred 
 icate American heiress, socially ambitious. But to 
 make the Englishman different from the stencil, and 
 the woman more respectable, I decided to have a 
 case of mutual attraction, with the personal rank 
 and worth of each unknown to the other. Instead 
 of a nobleman coming to America to find a woman, 
 I would have him follow in search of the woman. 
 This, and the woman s curiosity about, and interest 
 in him, provide " the double enigma," one of the 
 thirty-six dramatic situations, since defined by M. 
 George Polti. 
 
 I don t think that in any of the preceding pref 
 aces I have recorded that at this stage of a play s 
 development, that is to say when I have conceived 
 two or three of the principal personages, it has been 
 my practice to get acquainted with them before 
 going further. Considering a man or woman, I 
 reason out, or dream out, his or her age, tempera 
 ment, appearance, profession, possessions, politics, 
 religion, sentimental experiences, education, college, 
 school, birthplace, relations, parents. The text of 
 the play may carry no direct statement of any one 
 of these factors, but their determination in my own 
 mind, and their setting down in writing, keep a 
 character consistent in his behaviour and utter 
 ances ; and, in my thought, give him body and dis 
 placement. 
 
 Dorsay was almost ready-made to my hand. He 
 even provided his own wardrobe, flowered waist 
 coat, spats, bowler hat, long walking-stick, signet 
 ring and all. I had only to find him a title. 
 
 I felt and reasoned that it would be piquant for 
 the woman " Harriet " to be a grass widow who 
 had resumed her maiden name. Under the prov- 
 
8 PREFACE. 
 
 erb, this should make her " twice shy," while at the 
 same time it removed her from the ingenue class 
 then being badly overworked. I had her travelling 
 on the Continent, because, if the Earl followed her 
 to America, she must have been where he could 
 have seen her more than once in Europe. 
 
 It seems to be a basic principle in comedy that 
 certain things, which though done twice are not 
 necessarily funny, are extremely so if done a third 
 time or of tener. For example : a " catch line " only 
 noticeable on its second utterance, may be very 
 characteristic and mirth-compelling when repeated. 
 
 I decided that the Earl should have seen Harriet 
 at least three times before crossing the Atlantic, in 
 order to meet her again. 
 
 One item of national importance in Dorsay s per 
 sonal knowledge was the fact that " One can t take 
 a dog into England without a permit." For all I 
 know, that may be a regulation in the United 
 States, or Peru, but I have found it of heroic pro 
 portion in the estimation of many Englishmen. I 
 mentally saw Harriet with a pet dog on a Channel 
 steamer, and embarrassed by this rule. That was 
 the first time that she and the Earl met in my 
 fancy. I logically enforced an earlier encounter 
 under serio-comic conditions in a little Hotel I re 
 membered on the rue de Rivoli, and a third meeting 
 in London. 
 
 Let me here recount and apply a short experience 
 of my own. I am conscious of the detached and 
 disconnected effect these stories produce in a 
 preface, but I accept the effect and incorporate it, 
 because play-writing is less by rigid rule than it is 
 by easy association; and I shall confer a benefit if 
 I can impress any intending dramatist with the 
 value of remembering the casual happenings in his 
 own experience. 
 
 I didn t go up in the Ferris wheel at the Chicago 
 
PREFACE. 9 
 
 World s Fair in 1893 because I dramatized the 
 wheel sticking when my car should reach the top 
 of the turn. In 1899 I sa ^ so to Maurice Barry- 
 more as we stood looking at the same wheel trans 
 ported to, and set up at Earl s Court, London. 
 
 " Well, the thing has stuck twice since it s been 
 here," said Barry, " one time for twenty-four 
 hours." 
 
 A policeman who was standing by took up the 
 story, and told us how a sailorman climbed to the 
 cars with coffee and sandwiches for the imprisoned 
 patrons. 
 
 " A lot of good stories," he added, smiling, " fel 
 lows with other fellows wives and all that sort of 
 thing." 
 
 I expressed my yokel astonishment as to how the 
 sailorman could have managed it, up to the topmost 
 cars. The bobby s tolerant answer " set " the story 
 in my mind for ail time. 
 
 " Well you see, sir, is mother d taught im to old 
 on good and ard, and e did." 
 
 Of course the incidents of Earl s Court, the 
 Channel steamer, and the Paris Hotel would be 
 background in my play. Economy of scenery, econ 
 omy of time, economy of attention, all dictated 
 that ; and the Englishman-in- America idea en 
 forced an American setting. 
 
 Without studying over it profoundly, I think it is 
 safe to say that the liveliest plays are those whose 
 action is supposed to be in the smallest period of 
 time. 
 
 I kept that fact in view. Mentally, I now had the 
 Earl and Harriet in America, and about to meet 
 again. Harriet was under the protection of her 
 father. I had " Father " all figured out and defined. 
 Vaguely I meant to use him as opposition, the con 
 flicting force, without which drama does not exist; 
 but Father wasn t enough; so I invented Senator 
 
TO PREFACE. 
 
 Barker as a suitor for Harriet, I saw him as an old 
 friend of the family, familiar with her history ; and 
 his addition to the cast gave, in my thinking, a 
 warm and intimate and cushioned side to her story. 
 At first I thought of the divorced husband, repent 
 ant and solicitous. I dismissed that attitude on his 
 part, but I couldn t dismiss him. He was a menac 
 ing figure in the American background. I there 
 fore banished him to Europe. I made him the pro 
 totype of some wastrel expatriates I knew over 
 there, and he was quiet for a while in his trans-At 
 lantic exile. 
 
 My Earl put up incognito at the Waldorf, and I 
 had Harriet and her father there also just visiting 
 after their return from abroad. The Senator was 
 up from Washington. The Earl was arranging an 
 introduction to Harriet through mutual friends I 
 was inventing; and it became necessary to have an 
 American name for him. The most natural ques 
 tion after introduction would be " Are you related 
 to the -my friends of that name in Boston or Paw- 
 tucket or where not? " an embarrassing question, 
 provocative of embarrassing inventions to a mas- 
 querader, and thereby a promising element. Why 
 not the accidental choice of a name that should be 
 the most embarrassing possible? What would that 
 name be? Harriet was again using her father s 
 name. Why not have the Earl accidentally get the 
 name of her divorced husband, which might be a 
 very common one? 1 reasoned (< too farcical a 
 coincidence. " But why coincidence? Why acci 
 dent? Why not by design or pre-arrangement ? 
 What simpler than the name suggested to the Earl 
 by some practical joker, such as always appeared in 
 a Dorsay neighborhood? And in that event, some 
 unusual and striking name. But what joker? What 
 motive ? And so, slowly, I backed squarely into the 
 divorced husband, Montgomery Putnam. 
 
PREFACE. ii 
 
 I have, in several of the other prefaces, remarked, 
 in the evolution of a plot, the appearance of this 
 solvent of a difficulty, or this master-key to some 
 dead-lock. Here was another example of it. As 
 one critic said, Montgomery Putnam himself, not 
 in the cast, was the most amusing person in the 
 story; and the critic longed to make his acquaint 
 ance. 
 
 This original Montgomery Putnam was a great 
 find for me. He equipped my Earl, about to visit 
 America, with a note-book full of useful names 
 persons that would not detect the imposture, be 
 cause Putnam had lived so much of his life abroad, 
 He gave me his sisters, Jane and Sarah; and 
 Sarah s daughter, Ella. Jane brought in Hooper; 
 and Ella suggested her young man Arthur ; and her 
 father, Mr. Seaford. Putnam s being divorced, and 
 his staying in Europe suggested alimony in New 
 York alimony accumulating, and carrying with 
 it contempt of court. It was a wonderful mess to 
 bring a clean and serious and chivalrous and unsus 
 pecting Englishman into ; and it all lent itself to 
 rapid complication and explosion, perfectly suited 
 to the orderly events of one cumulative day. From 
 that standpoint, and with that prospect, my next 
 step was to jump at once to the most serious com 
 plication that the Earl s deception and the antago 
 nism of all persons affected by it, could produce; a 
 situation wherein Harriet s father, the Senator, 
 Jane, Hooper, Ella, Ella s father, Arthur, and the 
 State of New York should all be arrayed against 
 him; and, finding that situation, make it the end of 
 my second act, with the process of extrication serv 
 ing as the third act. A logical arrangement of 
 events leading to the situation would be ground plan 
 for acts one and two. 
 
 To enumerate these events would be to re-write, 
 tiresomely, the play. This exposition of the ap- 
 
12 PREFACE. 
 
 proach to them is all that is needed to make the 
 play s anatomy interesting to those technically in 
 clined. 
 
 When my story was well in hand, my newspaper 
 training impelled me to familiarize myself with the 
 proposed scenes or it the three locations in the 
 Waldorf-Astoria Hotel. Reporter-like, I stated my 
 project to the business manager of the Hotel, and 
 met a most chilling and discouraging reception. 
 The hotel could lend itself to no enterprise of that 
 kind. So, two days later I drove to the hotel in a 
 cab with my wife and with a trunk and valises. 
 The room-clerk had us shown several rooms and 
 suites. I chose the one I thought suited to the Earl. 
 The rate, without meals, was forty dollars a day. 
 We stopped only one day, but the forty dollars put 
 into my comedy the incidents of the floor-waiter, 
 and the lunch of act two; the physical relation of 
 rooms implied and indicated in that set ; the outlook 
 onto Fifth Avenue; and the little touches of clock 
 and boot-box, that helped lend reality when done, 
 and sharpened my conceptions in the doing. Our 
 breakfast in the palm-room, and afternoon coffee 
 in the Turkish room enabled me to make drawings 
 that served the scenic artists when we came to pre 
 pare the production. 
 
 My comedy was done by the time Mr. Frohman 
 came back from London; but my cable for Dorsay 
 had meant to him only the engagement of a minor 
 character. He was warm in his approval of the 
 play, but he declined to risk Dorsay as the star. I 
 could see no other exponent. Mr. Frohman gener 
 ously released Dorsay, and under the management 
 of Mr. Kirke La Shelle, Dorsay starred in the play 
 three years, and at the end of that time returned to 
 Mr. Frohman to star in another play. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 First produced at the Madison Square Theater, 
 New York, February 5th, 1903, with the following 
 cast: 
 
 CHARACTERS IN THEIR ORDER OF AP 
 PEARANCE. 
 
 HEADWAITER Wilbur Hudson 
 
 HENRY H. H. Sleight 
 
 CONRAD Alfred Mayo 
 
 PAUL /. Wilberforce Thompson 
 
 MR. FORDYCE Charles W. Stokes 
 
 SENATOR BARKER Robert McWade 
 
 LORD CARDINGTON Lawrence D Orsay 
 
 PAGE James Gardner 
 
 HARRIET FORDYCE Elizabeth Tyree 
 
 Miss JANE PUTNAM Louise Sydmeth 
 
 ELLA SEAFORD Jane Van Buskirk 
 
 MR. SEAFORD John W, Paul 
 
 ARTHUR WEATHERBEE John W. Dean 
 
 WILKINS Ernest Elton 
 
 MR. SILAS HOOPER James Ottley 
 
 MR. DUFFIELD Frederick Hawthorne 
 
 HALL WAITER Frederick Hozvthorne 
 
 CRENNAN Wilbur Hudson 
 
 13 
 
[Tie Earl of Pawtucket 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 SCENE: A corner of the Palm-room of the 
 Waldorf-Astoria Hotel. The walls running up 
 obliquely from the procenium arch meet and 
 make a right-angle at right center back. Down 
 front in the right wall is a large arch leading 
 presumably to the corridor of the hotel In 
 left wall at front, swinging baize doors lead 
 to service quarters. The rest of the left wall 
 is of large windows looking to Fifth avenue, 
 and below their half-raised shirred curtains is 
 a glimpse of the avenue. 
 
 As near the curtain line as possible and a 
 trifle right of center is a round table to serve 
 four. Smaller tables are at back, right and 
 left, and another is still further front at left 
 with two chairs. The room is dressed with 
 palms in tubs. 
 
 At rise Waiters No. I and II are discovered 
 R. and L. itp-stage. HEADWAITER enters R. 2 and 
 crosses L. He signals to an omnibus waiter 
 who enters L. 2. HEADWAITER turns to c. to 
 meet FORDYCE and SENATOR BARKER, now en 
 tering R. 2. SENAROR has newspaper, FORDYCE 
 has unopened mail. FORDYCE is the well-fed 
 competent business man of the Middle West. 
 The SENATOR is smaller and with hair and 
 whiskers: not a statesman but a representative 
 of the interests. During this time " OMNIBUS " 
 15 
 
16 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 has removed dishes from service table c. and 
 has made his exit L. HEADWAITERS indicates 
 table D. L. 
 
 FORDYCE. (To HEADWAITER) Can t we sit 
 here? (Indicating table c.) 
 
 HEADWAITER. Certainly, sir. Two? (HEAD- 
 WAITER puts a chair for SENATOR L. 2ND WAITER 
 seats FORDYCE R. of table c) 
 
 FORDYCE. (Sitting) Three. 
 
 SENATOR. (Sitting L. of table) No, I don t wish 
 anything. 
 
 FORDYCE. (Persuasively) Some fruit? 
 
 (2ND WAITER back of table.) 
 
 SENATOR. (Positively) Nothing. I had a cup 
 of hot water on the train. 
 
 (HEADWAITER crosses to table D. L. and secures 
 menu card.) 
 
 FORDYCE. Hot water? 
 
 SENATOR. Nothing like it. Warms the stomach, 
 prompts the circulation, doesn t burden the brain. 
 (Opens paper and reads) 
 
 FORDYCE. (To HEADWAITER) Well, I ll have 
 some provisions. 
 
 (HEADWAITER crosses. Takes pad from 2ND 
 WAITER, who retires L.) 
 
 HEADWAITER. (Attentively) Yes, sir! 
 
 FORDYCE. And young lady, my daughter, will 
 join me. (HEADWAITER bows. FORDYCE adjusts 
 glasses) Gimme a programme! (HEADWAITER 
 hands menu, and stands at attention with order 
 blank. FORDYCE scanning card mumbles) Shell 
 fish, vegetables. Where s your fruit? 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 17 
 
 HEADWAITER. There, sir. (HEADWAITER goes R. 
 below table to take order) 
 
 FORDYCE. Oh, yes M (Removes glasses) 
 Some grape fruit, Senator ? 
 
 SENATOR. Nothing, really. 
 
 FORDYCE. (Persuading) They scoop it out here 
 and put some sort of cologne or hair tonic on it. 
 
 SENATOR. No, no, believe me. 
 
 FORDYCE. (Resuming glasses) Well, bring two 
 of them for me and the young lady. 
 
 HEADWAITER. Two grape fruits. Yes, sir ? 
 
 FORDYCE. Then, coffee and rolls, and (Pauses 
 and removes glasses) What s the matter with the 
 butter you ve got here ? 
 
 HEADWAITER. Butter ? 
 
 FORDYCE. Yes. No taste to it. I want Ameri 
 can butter with salt in it. (HEADWAITER bows to 
 FORDYCE) All over Europe you get that tasteless 
 fresh butter. I d as lief have vaseline; and why a 
 big hotel like the Waldorf-Astoria 
 
 HEADWAITER. (With superior smile) We have 
 salt butter also. 
 
 FORDYCE. Well, bring it. (Adjusts glasses) 
 
 HEADWAITER. Yes, sir! (Writes) 
 
 FORDYCE. Then give me an omelette Spanish 
 omelette. 
 
 HEADWAITER. (Repeating and writing) Span 
 ish omelette. 
 
 FORDYCE. Single order of potatoes, hash 
 brown 
 
 HEADWAITER. Hash brown, potatoes 
 
 FORDYCE. (With finality) Then I want a piece 
 of rhubarb pie. 
 
 HEADWAITER. (Placidly) Rhubarb pie. 
 
 (The SENATOR has been looking at newspaper, turns 
 in astonishment.) 
 
 FORDYCE. (Defiantly, as if replying to SENATOR S 
 
i8 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 look} Rhubarb pie! Oh, I don t care. I was born 
 and lived in Vermont till I was fourteen. (To 
 HEADWAITER) That s all. (HEADWAITER bows and 
 turns to 2ND WAITER with order, walks L. explain 
 ing to him) Harriet thinks it s disgusting, but 
 when we re late to breakfast and alone, / have my 
 pie. 
 
 2ND WAITER. (L. R. Reads) Rhubarb pie? 
 
 HEADWAITER. Yes. (2ND WAITER turns and re 
 gards FORDYCE) Go on! (Exit 2ND WAITER. 
 HEADWAITER regarding CARDINGTON) Again? 
 He s had coffee twice already. (Spoken as CARD 
 INGTON is about to enter. Enter LORD CARRINGTON, 
 newspaper in hand, crosses to table L. He is the 
 heavy guardsman type zvith monocle and mous- 
 tachios. HEADWAITER crosses after CARDINGTON) 
 
 SENATOR. (To FORDYCE who regards CARDING 
 TON) What is it? 
 
 FORDYCE. My eyes are so bad, and these are my 
 reading glasses (Opens letter. SENATOR re 
 sumes paper. HEADWAITER seats CARDINGTON R. of 
 table down left and then stands above table awaiting 
 order) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Coffee. 
 
 HEADWAITER. Yes, sir. And rolls? 
 
 CARDINGTON. No, hang it, coffee demi-tasse ! 
 
 HEADWAITER. Yes, sir. (Signals and meets IST 
 WAITER. Exit IST WAITER L. CARDINGTON takes 
 newspaper, but regards FORDYCE over it HEAD- 
 WAITER retires up center) 
 
 FORDYCE. You don t mind my opening my mail. 
 
 SENATOR. Not at all. Go ahead! 
 
 FORDYCE. I like to get through with em before 
 Harriet comes, though she always says " don t 
 mind her." 
 
 SENATOR. (Immediately interested and putting 
 paper aside) Still grieving? (Sympathetically. 
 FORDYCE nods sadly. SENATOR sighs) 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 19 
 
 FORDYCE. (Suddenly and laying aside glasses) 
 We talk about law. What can the law do for her? 
 (SENATOR shakes his head Pause, while FORDYCE 
 opens letters) I m her father. (Pause) I know. 
 (Returns to mail. SENATOR turns to him inquir 
 ingly then resumes paper) This damned scoun 
 drel s off in Europe, enjoying himself, while Har 
 riet smiles and smiles, and lets nobody know her 
 heart is broken broken (SENATOR runs fingers 
 through hair. FORDYCE resumes mail) 
 
 SENATOR. (Pause. Reflectively) There s so 
 much going on in Washington, all the time 
 
 FORDYCE. (Pathetically) I know there is. I d 
 like to see her do anything to get her mind off of it. 
 
 SENATOR. (Pause) There s Chauncey Depew 
 (Pause) Now I m fifteen years younger than 
 Depew and 
 
 FORDYCE. I told Harriet twenty. 
 
 (SENATOR runs his hand through his hair.) 
 SENATOR. (Nodding) She knows I m here? 
 
 (Enter " OMNIBUS" with plates and napkins for c. 
 table.) 
 
 FORDYCE. (Nodding) I told, her you d ridden 
 from Washington all night to be with her here at 
 breakfast. (Pause) What s the matter with a 
 three minutes egg ? 
 
 (SENATOR shaking head and touching stomach.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Aside) I wonder if she s com 
 ing? 
 
 SENATOR. (Pause) You see, one trouble is 
 that you give her nearly everything a woman can 
 desire. 
 
20 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 FORDYCE. Well, why not ? Man s only child no 
 mother 
 
 SENATOR. (Heartily) Bless your heart, Judge, 
 if you didn t do it, I d never speak to you on the 
 street. I m only saying a poor girl d be attracted 
 by what men like me could give her. 
 
 FORDYCE. Naturally. 
 
 SENATOR. If she d never been married, let us 
 say 
 
 FORDYCE. That s also true. I see that. 
 
 SENATOR. Sometimes (Pause) Er the mere 
 novelty of it (Resumes paper) 
 
 FORDYCE. But, my dear Senator, you keep over 
 looking the main point I think she still likes this 
 fellow. 
 
 SENATOR. Then why did she get a divorce ? 
 
 FORDYCE. Why, pride, damn it. 
 
 (Enter IST WAITER with coffee for CARDINGTON.) 
 SENATOR. Pride? You don t mean she wanted 
 those pictures in the newspapers? 
 
 (OMNIBUS enters. Business at c. table. Fills 
 glasses with ivater. Puts menu card on table 
 up-stage. ) 
 
 FORDYCE. (Half -disgusted laugh) I mean the 
 fellow s neglect stung her pride. A girl like Har 
 riet won t play second fiddle, husband or no hus 
 band. 
 
 SENATOR. I see. (Resumes paper) 
 
 CARDINGTON. How many has that party ordered 
 breakfast for? 
 
 IST WAITER. (Regarding table) Places for 
 two, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Disappointed) Only two? 
 
 IST WAITER. Yes, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Only two? You don t happen to 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 21 
 
 know their names? (WAITER shakes head) Bill, 
 please? 
 
 IST WAITER. (Turns up) Yes, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Aside) I can t be mistaken in 
 the old chap. I suppose the girl s having breakfast 
 in her room. 
 
 (WAITER gives him check.) 
 
 SENATOR. I d like Harriet to hear my speech 
 Monday, just happen in, as it were, you and 
 
 FORDYCE. Senate ? 
 SENATOR. Yes, 
 
 (CARDINGTON rises, gives WAITER a "tip.) 
 
 IST WAITER. Coming back, sir? 
 
 CARDINGTON. No. 
 
 IST WAITER. Isn t the coffee right, sir? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Perfectly, I only wanted a smell 
 of it. 
 
 (Crosses R. and exits. IST WAITER looks after him, 
 as he goes, then smells the coffee himself 
 Exit L.) 
 
 PAGE BOY. (Heard off L.) Telegram for Mont 
 gomery Putnam. (Enter PAGE L., crosses R. with 
 telegram on salver, calling) Telegram for Mont 
 gomery Putnam! 
 
 (SENATOR and FORDYCE start.) 
 
 PAGE BOY. (Going R., calls) Telegram for 
 Montgomery Putnam. 
 
 FORDYCE. (Rising) Let me see that. (Takes 
 
 telegram) Montgomery Putnam, Waldorf-Astoria. 
 
22 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 PACE BOY. You Mr. Putnam, sir? 
 
 FORDYCE. Not by a damn sight! (To envelope) 
 What s that mean? 354 with a ring around it? 
 
 PAGE BOY, Room, sir, 
 
 FORDYCE. Take it. 
 
 PAGE BOY. Yes, sir. (Goes calls) Telegram 
 for Montgomery Putnam! (Exit PAGE R., calling) 
 
 ( FORDYCE sits glares at SENATOR. "OMNIBUS" 
 exit with CARDINGTON S dishes.) 
 
 SENATOR. (Fate fully) New York 1 
 
 FORDYCE. This Hotel. 
 
 SENATOR. She know it ? 
 
 FORDYCE. Course not. (Pause) We ve got to 
 get out! 
 
 SENATOR. Then why not Washington ? 
 
 FORDYCE. When s the train go? 
 
 (Enter 2ND WAITER Brings on grape fruit, etc.) 
 
 SENATOR. (Rises. Goes to door R.) Every 
 hour or so any time. 
 
 FORDYCE. All right (Jumps up and starts to go 
 to door R.) 
 
 2ND WAITER. Grape fruit, sir? FORDYCE looks 
 at SENATOR Pause. WAITER arranges plates, etc., 
 on table. Puts grape fruit on table in front of 
 HARRIET S plate. Finger boivl each side of table) 
 
 SENATOR. Got to have her breakfast, I suppose, 
 
 FORDYCE. Send it to the room. 
 
 (Enter IST WAITER. Stands up L.) 
 
 2ND WAITER. (c) Yes, sir, what number? 
 (Takes up grape fruit) 
 
 SENATOR. (Who is near the door. Quickly) 
 She s here, Fordyce ! 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 23 
 FORDYCE. (Alarmed) Harriet? 
 
 (Enter HARRIET.) 
 SENATOR. Yes. 
 
 ( FORDYCE turns.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Gaily) Why, Senator, what an 
 agreeable surprise! 
 
 SENATOR. (Unctuously) Well, well! Left 
 Washington at midnight. 
 
 (They shake hands and laugh.) 
 
 2ND WAITER. "(Holding grape fruit above table) 
 What room, sir? 
 
 FORDYCE. (Fiercely, turning) Put it down! 
 Keep still! 
 
 FORDYCE. (With watch) My dear, it s after ten. 
 Besides, the Senator wants to take us to Washing 
 ton. 
 
 HARRIET. (Astonished) Why? 
 
 FORDYCE. He s got a speech to make in the 
 
 SENATOR. Nonsense! That s a mere interrup 
 tion to the general plan. 
 
 FORDYCE. Of course, but Harriet d enjoy 
 
 HARRIET. (Sitting at upper side of table) 
 What is the general plan? 
 
 SENATOR. Er a -we ll explain that on the 
 train. (Sits) 
 
 HARRIET. But is it so urgent ? You know Fri 
 day night, papa, we ve invited the Kembles 
 
 FORDYCE. (Sitting) Certainly. Come back for 
 that. You know come back in five hours. What s 
 that: Pooh! (Assumes the breezy manner) 
 
 HARRIET. Oh, then your general plan s only for 
 to-morrow and Thursday? 
 
24 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 FORDYCE. (Eagerly) Exactly. 
 
 SENATOR. (Easily) Not at all. Oh days 
 and (Pause) days 
 
 HARRIET. But 
 
 FORDYCE. (With fateful calm) My dear Har 
 riet, wait until we get on the train. Eat your grape 
 fruit, my dear. Train leaves at noon, and take our 
 word for it. We never deceived you, did we ? The 
 Senator and I ? 
 
 HARRIET. (Smiling at his earnestness) De 
 ceived me? 
 
 SENATOR. (Trying to reach FORDYCE with his 
 foot) Ha! Ha! Ha! (HARRIET looks at SEN 
 ATOR) He will have his joke, you know. Ha I Ha ! 
 
 (HEAD WAITER appears R., preceding AUNT JANE. 
 HARRIET turns to her father and sees JANE 
 outside her face changes seriously.) 
 
 HARRIET. Oh ! 
 
 FORDYCE. What is it ? (Follows her gaze) 
 
 SENATOR. What? Who? 
 
 HARRIET. (In awed whisper) Aunt Jane! 
 
 (Enter JANE, conducted by HEAD WAITER. JANE is 
 positive, fairly fat and in the roaring forties,) 
 
 SENATOR. (After look at JANE) The lady? 
 (FORDYCE nods JANE sits L. of table up-stage.) 
 
 SENATOR. Who is she? 
 
 HARRIET. (Still whispering) Miss Jane Put 
 nam, Montgomery Putnam s elder sister. 
 
 (HEAD WAITER signals IST WAITER who attends 
 JANE. HEAD WAITER exit R.) 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 25 
 
 SENATOR. Sister. You call her " Aunt Jane/* 
 HARRIET. All the family call her " Aunt Jane." 
 She s so fond of her niece her sister s child. 
 SENATOR. I see, 
 
 HARRIET. What shall I do, papa? 
 FORDYCE. Do ? 
 
 (JANE puts on her glasses.) 
 
 HARRIET. Aunt Jane was always so sweet to me. 
 
 FORDYCE, (With bombast) Do? Why, do noth 
 ing! She s nothing to us. (JANE, who has caught 
 FORDYCE S eye, bows. FORDYCE bows and grins) 
 
 HARRIET. (Under her breath) She sees us? 
 
 (JANE rises. HARRIET turns and rises. SENATOR 
 rises and stands L. of c.) 
 
 HARRIET. Why, Miss Aunt Jane I m so glad. 
 JANE. (Impulsively) Harriet, you dear thing! 
 
 (They kiss and embrace.) 
 
 FORDYCE. (To SENATOR) They re off! 
 
 JANE. How well you look, dear. I never saw 
 you and Mr. Fordyce 
 
 FORDYCE. Miss Putnam. (Offering to shake 
 hands) 
 
 JANE. Nonsense. (Withholding her hand) 
 You ll call me Aunt Jane, just as you always did. 
 (Then shaking hands with FORDYCE) Montgomery 
 shan t drive my friends away no, indeed ! 
 
 FORDYCE. Thank you, Aunt Jane. Nor mine, I 
 hope. 
 
 HARRIET. Aunt Jane, may I introduce Senator 
 Barker, Miss Putnam? 
 
 (SENATOR bows. Enter HEAD WAITER R.) 
 
26 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 JANE. (Crossing to him) Senator Barker! 
 (Shakes hands looks at him carefully through 
 glasses) My, how those comic-papers do exagger 
 ate our public men! 
 
 (SENATOR smiles and bows. Goes up-stage, crosses 
 to R. behind table. CARDINGTON re-enters with 
 great manner, but unnoticed. Crosses to his 
 table L. HEADWAITER seats him left of table L. 
 Holds menu card. Waits for him to speak.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Back of table) Won t you sit with 
 us, Aunt Jane? 
 
 JANE, Just a moment. (Sits L. of table in SEN 
 ATOR S chair) 
 
 (HARRIET resumes her place. FORDYCE places his 
 own chair R. c. for SENATOR. FORDYCE brings 
 another chair forward and sits R. of table.) 
 
 FORDYCE. Well, this is quite an unexpected plea 
 sure. 
 
 JANE. Isn t it? I thought you were in Europe. 
 Where is my waiter? (Signals IST WAITER, who 
 coynes down L. of JANE) 
 
 HARRIET. We returned on the Wilhelm der 
 Grosse last week. 
 
 JANE. (To WAITER) What have you written? 
 (To others) Excuse me! 
 
 IST WAITER. Large pot of coffee and rolls. 
 
 JANE. And lamb chops that s all. 
 
 IST WAITER. Serve for two? 
 
 JANE. Two, yes. (IST WAITER goes) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Drawling) Coffee ! 
 
 HEADWAITER. Coffee yes sir. (Exit L. door. 
 Returns in a moment and goes c.) 
 
 JANE. Ella s with me. 
 
 HARRIET. (Delighted) Ella ! 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 27 
 
 FORDYCE. (Explaining to SENATOR) Miss Sea- 
 ford of Cleveland. Seaford s in Street Railroads. 
 
 JANE. Yes, her mother, my sister Sarah, couldn t 
 come, so I offered to chaperone Ella. Besides I ve 
 more influence with Montgomery than the rest of 
 the family has. 
 
 HARRIET. (Alarmed) Montgomery! 
 
 ( FORDYCE yearns toward HARRIET) 
 
 JANE. Yes. (To SENATOR) My father tied up 
 every penny he left to any of us, so that we can t 
 spend a cent of it without consulting my brother 
 Montgomery. (To HARRIET) Why, yes, Ella s 
 going to be married, and of course we must have 
 Montgomery s consent. He s stopping in the hotel, 
 here and 
 
 (2ND WAITER enters with coffee service, rolls and 
 pie. Stands c.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Rising) Here! 
 
 ( FORDYCE goes to HARRIET. SENATOR goes up 
 stage respectfully. JANE rises.) 
 
 FORDYCE. I couldn t tell you, dear. 
 
 HARRIET. Here! Papa! (Turns aimlessly, 
 meets CARDINGTON S gaze. Pier face lights. She 
 smiles pleasantly, bows. CARDINGTON rises, bow 
 ing) 
 
 FORDYCE. My darling. 
 
 HARRIET. (Dazed) I think I will go to my 
 room. 
 
 FORDYCE. Yes. (Starts R. with HARRIET) 
 
 2ND WAITER. Breakfast, sir? (At table with 
 coffee and rolls) 
 
 FORDYCE. (Angrily) I don t know. 
 
28 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 (FORDYCE and HARRIET exeunt. SENATOR comes 
 down. JANE is L. of table.) 
 
 SENATOR. (To JANE, indicating direction HAR 
 RIET has gone) Her heart is broken. 
 
 (2ND WAITER turns, looks after HARRIET sympa 
 thetically. HEADWAITER corrects him by a 
 snap of the fingers.) 
 
 (2ND WAITER places coffee service on table and 
 takes grape fruit and finger-bowls to side table. 
 Then puts fresh plates at places. Arranges 
 knives and forks and exit. NOTE: This is 
 done quickly and before the SENATOR speaks.) 
 
 SENATOR. And she s an angel, madam. 
 
 JANE. She is an angel. We don t differ about 
 that, you and I. Sit down. (Sifs. SENATOR with 
 dignity adjusts his own chair and sits. CARDING- 
 TON crosses to R.) 
 
 (Enter IST WAITER with coffee.) 
 
 HEADWAITER. Coffee, sir? (Calling after CARD- 
 INGTON) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Angrily and impressively) No! 
 (Exit) 
 
 (HEADWAITER and IST WAITER look after him. 
 IST WAITER turns to HEADWAITER helplessly.) 
 
 HEADWAITER. Take it back! Keep it warm. 
 He ll be back again, presently. That s four times. 
 
 (IST WAITER exit i L.) 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 29 
 
 SENATOR. And your brother s a brute, Miss Put 
 nam, a brute! 
 
 JANE. My dear Senator Barker (Pauses, ad 
 justs glasses} All men are brutes. 
 
 (Enter OMNIBUS door L. trims JANE S table up 
 stage. Exit 2ND WAITER door L.) 
 
 SENATOR. (Pause) At your brother s age, per 
 haps they are. 
 
 JANE. (Pointedly) Yes, and even when they re 
 old enough to be my brother s father. 
 
 SENATOR. That might include your own father, 
 remember. 
 
 JANE. That does include my own father, and 
 don t you forget it. 
 
 (HEAD WAITER goes and stands near door R.) 
 
 SENATOR. (Sitting back and smiling) Then I 
 don t see why I should hope to escape. 
 
 JANE. Nor I. (Pause) As for my father, could 
 anything be more brutal than his leaving every 
 penny dependent upon my brother s approval? If 
 I wish to buy a summer cottage my brother s ap 
 proval? My sister Sarah wishes to give her only 
 daughter a suitable wedding gift ; a house on Euclid 
 Avenue my brother s approval. Are we criminals, 
 or insane we women? 
 
 SENATOR. (Regarding her steadily) Well er 
 I never met your sister. 
 
 JANE. Ever met Montgomery, my brother ? 
 
 SENATOR. I never did. 
 
 JANE. M Well, my sister s as far his su 
 perior as I am. He should have been left in our 
 care. (Exit OMNIBUS door L.) My sister well, 
 here comes her daughter you may judge by her 
 (SENATOR turns) 
 
30 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 (Enter ELLA. She is the typical mid-western in 
 genue.) 
 
 JANE. Ella, come here, my dear! (SENATOR 
 rises JANE rises) 
 
 JANE. I want you to know Senator Barker. 
 
 ELLA. Senator. (Smiling and offering her 
 hand) 
 
 SENATOR. (Taking ELLA S hand) Miss 
 
 JANE. Miss Seaford, of Cleveland. SENATOR 
 bows, shaking hands) My sister Sarah s child. 
 (SENATOR starts to arrange chair) No, our table s 
 there. Senator Barker, my dear, is the Senator 
 that Puck and Judge always make with so much 
 hair, and that card on his breast with " me too " on 
 it. 
 
 (HEADWAITER stands attentively by table up L. c.) 
 
 ELLA. (With recognition) Oh, I thought I d 
 seen him somewhere. 
 
 SENATOR. I never said " me too " in all my po 
 litical career. 
 
 JANE. (To ELLA, crossing to her) You under 
 stand, my dear, the correct expression would be " I 
 also." (SENATOR looks at JANE. Enter FORDYCE 
 R.) Mr. Fordyce, Ella. (ELLA turns) 
 
 FORDYCE. (Shaking hands) Why, Ella. I m so 
 glad to see you. Your aunt tells me 
 
 ELLA. How s Harriet? 
 
 FORDYCE. Well (Looks to others ELLA puz 
 zled) 
 
 JANE. (Crossing to FORDYCE) Where d you 
 leave her? 
 
 FORDYCE. Her room. I guess we ll have our 
 breakfast there. 
 
 JANE. Nonsense! I ll protect her from Mont- 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 31 
 
 gomery Putnam. Let him eat in his room, if any 
 body s to be caged. You sit right down to your 
 breakfast, and I M fetch Harriet back. (Going R.) 
 What room? 
 
 FORDYCE. (Tentatively) 365 third floor 
 
 JANE. (Indicating table up L. c.) That s our 
 table, dear. (Exit R.) 
 
 FORDYCE. (Going to table c.) Won t you sit 
 with us, Miss Ella? 
 
 ELLA. (Smiling) Well, I guess I ll mind 
 Auntie. (Goes up to table, HEADWAITER seats her 
 L. of table. FORDYCE bows sits R. of table down c. 
 SENATOR sits L. of table in his proper chair. HEAD- 
 WAITER pours water for ELLA) 
 
 SENATOR, Well 
 
 (HEADWAITER exit R. i.) 
 
 FORDYCE. Oh, you know, Harriet pulled her 
 self together in the elevator. Marvel that girl ! 
 
 SENATOR. I thought he was in Europe. 
 
 FORDYCE. (Angrily) He was, when we left, 
 (Pause) Hell, ain t it? 
 
 SENATOR. (Nods) Yes, and I don t see this 
 old lady helps any. 
 
 FORDYCE. (Indignantly) He s just come back 
 here to annoy Harriet that s all. 
 
 SENATOR. Think so? 
 
 FORDYCE. I know it. Besides, he s no right here. 
 Two warrants out for him, 
 
 SENATOR. Warrants ? 
 
 FORDYCE. Certainly. 
 
 SENATOR. For what? 
 
 FORDYCE. Alimony. 
 
 SENATOR. Alimony! He pay Harriet alimony. 
 
 FORDYCE. No, but he ought to Court s order. 
 He s five thousand dollars in contempt now. He 
 hasn t dared to show-Jiis face in the state for six 
 
32 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 months. That s why I thought we were safe 
 here. 
 
 SENATOR. (Regarding watch) Well, we ll get 
 out at twelve. 
 
 FORDYCE. (Wearily) No! She s changed her 
 mind. 
 
 SENATOR. Harriet ? 
 
 FORDYCE. Yes, she wants to stay here now. 
 
 SENATOR. Why ? 
 
 FORDYCE. Don t know. She just giggles 
 and half cries, and then laughs again. Kind of 
 hysterics. 
 
 SENATOR. (Giving it up) Older I get less I 
 understand women. 
 
 FORDYCE. Me, too! (SENATOR gives him sharp, 
 quiet look. Pause) Senator I don t dare trust 
 myself to meet this fellow. 
 
 SENATOR. Why should you meet him? 
 
 FORDYCE. Somebody should ask him to keep 
 away from us Harriet and me. 
 
 SENATOR. Well, if there are warrants out for 
 him 
 
 (Enter 2ND WAITER door L., with omelette and po 
 tatoes. Enter IST WAITER door L.) 
 
 FORDYCE. And there are. 
 
 SENATOR. (Staring off R.) She s coming back 
 again. (Rises) 
 
 FORDYCE. (Turning) Harriet! (Rises turns 
 back again) Not a word to her. 
 
 (Enter HARRIET and JANE.) 
 
 FORDYCE. See how she bears up. 
 JANE. Ella! 
 
 (FORDYCE crosses to the SENATOR, who is L. c.) 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 33 
 
 ELLA. (Rising and greeting HARRIET at R. of c. 
 above table) Harriet! 
 
 HARRIET. Ella you dear thing. 
 
 (They kiss effusively.) 
 
 ELLA. (Coquettishly) Aunt Jane told you, I 
 s pose. 
 
 HARRIET, Yes. He s nice, of course? 
 
 (They flutter.) 
 
 FORDYCE. I can t stand it, Senator, I can t stand 
 it. 
 
 SENATOR. Stand what? 
 
 FORDYCE. That girl s bravery. Hits me right 
 here. (Strikes his breast. To 2ND WAITER ivho 
 stands behind table, holding omelette) Put that 
 stuff on the table. 
 
 2ND WAITER. Yes, sir. (Gets busy) 
 
 FORDYCE. I ll just bolt something and pretend 
 we have business together. 
 
 SENATOR. Well, we have. Your attornevs. 
 
 FORDYCE. Sh h h ! 
 
 HARRIET. (Arranging with JANE and ELLA) 
 Oh, my breakfast is right here. Shan t have to 
 wait. 
 
 (WAITER draws chair for HARRIET and seats her.) 
 JANE. Well, here s ours, too, I guess. 
 
 (The ladies giggle and disperse IST WAITER en 
 ters with JANE S breakfast. ELLA and JANE 
 sit up-stage. HARRIET takes seat with FORDYCE 
 HARRIET. (Sitting) There s a sweet old maid, 
 and SENATOR. FORDYCE serves her plate.) 
 
 Senator, if there ever was one, 
 
34 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 SENATOR. (Assenting rather grimly) We had a 
 --III He chat together. 
 
 HARRIET. (To 2ND WAITER about to pour coffee 
 at her left) I ll do that, thank you. 
 
 2ND WAITER. (Bowing) Pardon! (Hurries 
 around and, much to FOKDYCE S annoyance, takes 
 plate FORDYCE is trying to pass; places it at HAR 
 RIET S left) 
 
 HARRIET. You ll have a cup of coffee, Senator? 
 
 SENATOR. Not even that, thank you. 
 
 HARRIET. Father ? 
 
 FORDYCE. (IV ho is about to take coffee cup him 
 self) If you please, dear. (WAITER takes cup 
 from HARRIET passes around to FORDYCE S R. and 
 "places cup on table) I don t like too much help, 
 Senator. (To 2ND WAITER, now on FORDYCE S R.) 
 Gimme my pie! (SENATOR lifts his brows) Some 
 men have a man to button their shirt collars, but 
 I m not paralysed. 
 
 (2ND WAITER takes empty chair at R., which 
 FORDYCE brought for the SENATOR, and re 
 places it at table up c. Goes to tray serves 
 pie to FORDYCE at his L.) 
 
 HARRIET. But, father, your breakfast? 
 
 FORDYCE. No appetite, dear. I couldn t eat any 
 thing but this. (Indicates pie) 
 
 HARRIET. You said you were very hungry this 
 morning. 
 
 FORDYCE. Well, I was, some -but- -but the 
 Senator s had some news, that took my mind off it. 
 (HARRIET turns to SENATOR and FORDYCE signals 
 him ) 
 
 HARRIET. (To SENATOR) News? Tell it to me. 
 
 SENATOR. (Helplessly) Oh, well I it s poli 
 tics, pure arid simple. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 35 
 
 HARRIET. (Smiling) M 1 knew politics 
 
 were pure, but to find they are also simple. 
 
 SENATOR. (With orer appreciation) Ha, ha, 
 ha! Oh, Miss Harriet, I m afraid you re too wise 
 for a young woman. 
 
 (FOKDYCE pantomimes thai her bravery is breaking 
 his heart. HARRIET turns and observes him.) 
 
 HARRIET. What is it? 
 
 FORDYCE. Nothing, my dear. (Lying) The pie. 
 
 2ND WAITER. (Apprehensively, coming for 
 ward) The pie, sir? 
 
 FORDYCE. (Completely changed manner) Who 
 the devil said anything to you: 
 
 2ND WAITER. Beg pardon, sir ! (Retires) 
 
 HARRIET. Father the man s only trying to an 
 ticipate your wishes. 
 
 FORDYCE. But, I don t want my wishes antici 
 pated. (Looks to SENATOR, who turns away and 
 chokes down his emotion) Let s go, Senator! Ex 
 cuse me. dearie! (Pushes back chair) 
 
 HARRIET. Why, yes, but 
 
 2ND WAITER. Finger-bowl, sir? 
 
 FORD\CE. (Rising) Xo! (To HARRIET) Sign 
 for this; and here s a quarter, for this Plnkerton 
 detective. (Puts coin by HARRIET S plate. 2ND 
 WAITER bows in gratitude FORDYCE goes R. 
 WAITER puts chair back. Retires np-stage) 
 
 SENATOR. (Rising) And the trip to Washing 
 ton ? 
 
 HARRIET. Oh, Senator -it it s so pleasant here 
 just now, and my Miss Seaford, from Cleveland, 
 and Aunt Jane are here. Can t we postpone it? 
 
 SENATOR. Surely- -but (Crosses front of 
 table. FORDYCE is signaling him) Well talk it 
 over later, eh? 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, we ll talk it over later. 
 
36 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 SENATOR. (Smiling) Good. We ll talk it over 
 later. 
 
 FORDYCE. Yes, talk it over later. (Taking his 
 arm) Come? Ah don t know that girl! (With 
 SENATOR at door R.) 
 
 SENATOR. (Returning) Good-morning! (Bows 
 to JANE and ELLA) 
 
 ELLA. (Bowing and prompting at once) Aunt 
 Jane 
 
 JANE. Eh Oh Good-morning! (To SEN 
 ATOR, severely) Good-morning! 
 
 ( FORDYCE also returns and bows.) 
 
 SENATOR. Good-morning. (Exit SENATOR after 
 FORDYCE) 
 
 HARRIET. (Playing at distress) I m deserted, 
 Aunt Jane. 
 
 JANE. (Positively) My dear, I congratulate 
 you. 
 
 HARRIET. Come, sit with me. I ve breakfast 
 enough for four persons. 
 
 ELLA. (Rising eagerly) Come, Auntie! 
 
 HARRIET. (Pleasantly) Clear that place quickly. 
 
 2ND WAITER. Yes, miss. (Takes off plate with 
 pic and cup of coffee and places them on side table. 
 Gets busy R. of table) 
 
 ELLA. (Joining HARRIET L. of table) Is that 
 your Senator you told me of ? 
 
 HARRIET. (Amused) That s he. 
 
 JANE. (Rising. Up-stag e to IST WAITER) 
 Bring everything! (Sharply) I ll do my own dis 
 carding. (Comes down to HARRIET) 
 
 HARRIET. Sit there, Aunt Jane ! 
 
 JANE. (Sitting in the FORDYCE chair) Now, my 
 dear (To ELLA) Harriet can tell us all about 
 it, I m sure. (To -WAITER, who is adjusting her 
 chair) Oh, don t do that. (To HARRIET) Where 
 can I get a nice gown already made ? 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 37 
 
 HARRIET. Already made? 
 
 JANE. Yes, I don t want it too new-fangled, be 
 cause I won t change my corsets. (As the girls 
 start to speak) I won t. I won t. 
 
 (IST WAITER brings dishes from JANE S table and 
 places them on HARRIET S table.) 
 
 ELLA. But, Auntie 
 
 JANE. No, the Lord didn t flatten me in front 
 like one of those nice young men, whose jackets 
 flare at the hips and 
 
 HARRIET. But why not change them? 
 
 JANE. Why not? Because they re comfortable, 
 and 
 
 HARRIET. The new ones are more so. 
 
 ELLA. That s what I tell Auntie. 
 
 JANE. {Wavering } But every dress I own 
 
 HARRIET. (Persuadingly) They can be changed. 
 
 ELLA. Thank you, Harriet. Now, where had 
 Auntie better go ? 
 
 HARRIET. I ll make you a list, Aunt Jane. What 
 kind of a gown do you wish ? 
 
 JANE. Well, I don t know. I thought I did, until 
 I saw all these New Yorkers at dinner last night. 
 
 ^ 
 
 (IST WAITER brings coffee-cups from JANE S table 
 and places them for JANE and ELLA on HAR 
 RIET S table.) 
 
 HARRIET. New Yorkers? This room? 
 
 ELLA. Yes. 
 
 HARRIET. Those weren t New Yorkers. 
 
 JANE. No ? 
 
 HARRIET. No! The aristocracy of the outside 
 
 world, but 
 
 JANE. ll~ell r then, I don t know what I want. 
 HARRIET. Eor what occasions? Aunt Jane? 
 
38 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 TANK. (Dramatising) Well,, if I was invited 
 out to tea, or to the theater 
 
 ELLA. (Mischievously) There s a rich brewer 
 here from Chicago. 
 
 HARRIET. (In the same spirit looks to JANE) 
 Oh! 
 
 JANE. Now, he never entered my mind. 
 
 ELLA. That ll do to tell Auntie. We wouldn t 
 be here, Harriet, if he hadn t written Auntie that 
 he was coining. 
 
 (Enter OMNIBUS door L., takes off dishes on serv 
 ice table.) 
 
 JANE. Ella 
 
 ELLA. Isn t that so? 
 
 JANE. Utterly untrue. 
 
 ELLA. Oh, Aunt Jane, had we once thought of 
 coming until you got Mr. Hooper s letter? 
 
 JANE. No, but 
 
 ELLA. There you are. 
 
 JANE. His letter said he was coming here to 
 meet Montgomery on business. Up to that lime 
 we didn t know where Montgomery was. Now, 
 Ella, a joke s a joke, but I m not here to meet Mr. 
 Hooper. 
 
 HARRIET. (To ELLA) Of course she isn t. 
 Now (To JANE) Let s talk of the new gown. 
 
 ELLA. And the new corsets. 
 
 JANE. (In doubt) Well 
 
 HARRIET. Because, if he is a brewer, Aunt 
 Jane 
 
 JANE. (In defensive dignity) He is. 
 
 HARRIET. Why, he s probably very stout himself 
 and (ELLA pantomimes, and puffs corpulency 
 and nods. JANE about to protest. HARRIET nods 
 and continues) Then, as mere contrast, Aunt 
 Jane-- (Pantomimes the straight front) 
 
 JANE. My dear Ella, when Mr. Hooper was as 
 
THE KARL OF PAWTUCKET. 39 
 
 young- as the young man you \vish to marry, he was 
 quite as slender, I assure you. 
 
 ELLA. Thank you, Aunt Jane. There can t be 
 too much of Arthur to please me. 
 
 HARRIET. His name s Arthur? 
 
 JANE. Yes, Arthur. 
 
 HARRIET. (Approvingly) Very romantic for a 
 brewer. 
 
 (7;.r// OMNIBUS with sik-cr, dishes, etc., etc.) 
 
 ELLA. Oh, that s not Mr. Hooper s name. 
 
 HARRIET. Oh ! 
 
 JANE. FJUi s young man is Arthur. 
 
 HARRIET. I see and what is Mr. Mr. 
 
 ELLA. (Prompting) Mr. Hooper. 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, his first name. 
 
 JANE. Mr. Hooper s first name is Silas, I be 
 lieve. 
 
 HARRIET. (Gathers imaginary chin piece in on 
 downward and embracing stroke. Insinuatingly) 
 Well, that s a pretty name, too. " Hartford "or 
 New Haven? (Brushes her fingers loosely under 
 her chin, a la i% Gosh ding it ") 
 
 ELLA. (With both hands brushed briskly for 
 ward under imaginary Horace Greeley s) Paw- 
 tucket! (Turns blandly to JANE) 
 
 JANE. (Definitely) Yes. Pawtucket. (Also 
 brushes Horace Greeley fashion with both hands) 
 L he Hooper and the Putnams were neighbors. 
 You! mother. Miss, was born in Pawtucket, 
 (Brushes again at ELLA, WAITERS sinilc. Enter 
 OMNIBUS L., to stand; gets remaining napkins, etc.) 
 
 ELLA. (Smiles at HARRIET) Oh! 
 
 JAXK. Bring me my check. 
 
 (2ND WAITER passes to IST WAITER, who fumbles 
 AUNT JANE S check.) 
 
40 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 HARRIET. (Apart to ELLA) Vulgar persons call 
 that " getting a rise." 
 
 ELLA. I know. That s what Arthur calls it. 
 
 HARRIET. Oh! (Smiling) You re not angry, 
 Aunt Jane. 
 
 JANE. Not with you, Harriet, but Ella s rather 
 run the Hooper business into the ground. (Taking 
 the bill) Keep your pencil, I ll pay. (Gets purse) 
 
 ELLA. Hello. Here s dad. You ever met dad? 
 
 (Enter SEAFORD, red-faced business man in Tweeds. 
 Exit OMNIBUS door L.) 
 
 HARRIET. No ! 
 
 SEAFORD. Well, Aunt Jane, I m ready. 
 
 JANE. So am I. 
 
 ELLA. Dad, dear, this is Harriet, Mrs. Mont 
 gomery Putnam. 
 
 SEAFORD. (Bowing) Mrs. Putnam. 
 
 HARRIET. (Bowing) Mr. Seaford But I m 
 using my own name now Fordyce. The Court 
 restored that privilege to me. 
 
 SEAFORD. Oh ! 
 
 JANE. Find a chair, Henry! 
 
 SEAFORD. But the shopping! 
 
 JANE. Harriet s telling me the best places to go 
 to. 
 
 (IST WAITER places chair for SEAFORD down R. c. 
 from table R. upper.) 
 
 HARRIET. Here s your list, Aunt Jane. 
 
 JANE. (Passing slips) You know these places, 
 Henry? (SEAFORD smiles and nods, turning up R. 
 looking at list) For I don t. If I stay fifteen min 
 utes in a shop, the streets all run the other way 
 when I come out. 
 
 SEAFORD. You coming, Ella? 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 41 
 
 KLLA. (Answering to JANE instead) Oh, I 
 think not, Auntie. 
 
 JANE. Of course not with Arthur Weatherbee 
 in town. Come, Henry! (Exit R. ) 
 
 SEAFORD. (Returning) I know your father, 
 Miss Fordyce. 
 
 HARRIET. I ve heard father speak of you. 
 
 SEAFORD. Be kind enough to present my compli 
 ments to the Judge. 
 
 HARRIET. Thank you. 
 
 (ELLA throws her father a kiss as he goes.) 
 
 ELLA. (With relief) Alone? 
 HARRIET. Is it so difficult? 
 
 (2ND WAITER adjusts chair R. of table c. and re 
 places chair R. c. in former place at table up 
 stage.) 
 
 ELLA. Oh, Auntie is a dear when anybody s sick, 
 and I suppose it s good of her to come and inter 
 cede with Uncle Montgomery for Arthur and me, 
 but 
 
 HARRIET. Tell me about him! 
 
 ELLA. About (Pause). 
 
 HARRIET. Arthur. 
 
 (IST WAITER stands R. 2ND WAITER L.) 
 
 ELLA. Well he (Pause defensively) Every 
 body says he s handsome, not pretty, you un 
 derstand, but handsome; of course you know he s 
 in the Diplomatic service One of our Secretaries 
 in the London Embassy. 
 
 HARRIET. That s good ! I like diplomats. 
 
 ELLA. I ve never seen many, of course, but I 
 suppose that doesn t much matter. 
 
42 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 HARRIET. No one s all they allow a girl to 
 choose at a time, anyway. 
 
 ELLA. Well, that s enough, isn t it? 
 
 HARRIET. One at a time. 
 
 ELLA. No. One one for all time. 
 
 HARRIET. (Seriously) If it is for all time yes. 
 
 ELLA. (Taking HARRIET S hand) Forgive me, 
 Harriet, dear, I wasn t thinking. 
 
 HARRIET. (Reassuringly) But I was, distinctly. 
 Oh, it s not a tragic topic with me any more, my 
 dear. My thoughts are set quite to the future. 
 
 ELLA. Harriet! Do you mean that Senator 
 Barker 
 
 HARRIET. (Smiles) Not at all! 
 
 ELLA. But some one ? 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, someone. 
 
 ELLA. Who is he? 
 
 HARRIET. I don t know. 
 
 ELLA. Oh, you mean, you still have hope ? 
 
 HARRIET. (Smiling) At least that? 
 
 ELLA. Well I mean of course your experi 
 ence was so sad 
 
 HARRIET. My dear Ella, women often lose faith, 
 and charity often goes with it, but hope, hope 
 abides. 
 
 ELLA. (Very practically) But is there any par 
 ticular person? 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, but I don t know his name. 
 
 ELLA. Where d you meet him? 
 
 HARRIET. Everywhere. 
 
 ELLA. (Smiling} Then his name s " Legion." 
 
 HARRIET. I think not. I met him first in Paris. 
 I had no (Suggests decolletee) no gown on I was 
 curling my hair by an alcohol lamp. It began to 
 boil over and burn the table cover, as alcohol lamps 
 always do in hotels, then the curtains caught fire 
 and I screamed; and this tall, handsome-dragoon- 
 kind of a fellow 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 43 
 
 ELLA. (Thrilled) Oh, Harriet in a uniform? 
 
 HARRIET. (Shaking her head) In a bath-robe 
 and slippers. 
 
 ELLA. How awfully romantic? And you? 
 
 HARRIET. (Pantomiming) As I ve told you. 
 He grasped the danger in a moment, disappeared; 
 returned with a bath-tub full of water; extin 
 guished the fire; blushed; stammered something; 
 went out. 
 
 ELLA. What a delicious adventure. 
 
 HARRIET. I had been dressing to take the train. 
 Father and Senator Barker came at once and the 
 rest of the time was taken up wrangling in broken 
 French about the damages. I thought I d lost him 
 but I met him again a month after that on the 
 Channel steamer, where he rendered me another 
 service but I w r as too sea-sick to thank him. And 
 again I thought I d lost him. 
 
 ELLA. (Positively) I d have advertised for 
 that fellow. 
 
 HARRIET. I had to consider his feelings, remem 
 ber. 
 
 ELLA. (Dubiously) Yes. 
 
 HARRIET. Another three weeks and he came 
 into the same room, or car or whatever it is on 
 the Ferris Wheel. 
 
 ELLA. Chicago ? 
 
 HARRIET. No, Earlscourt, London a kind of 
 Coney Island place. 
 
 ELLA. Oh! 
 
 HARRIET. I had a prim old English chaperone, 
 and my dear ! let me tell you the wheel stuck. 
 
 ELLA. Stuck where? 
 
 HARRIET. In the air turned half way around, 
 and stopped with our car on top. 
 
 ELLA. For how long? 
 
 HARRIET. Twenty-four hours. 
 
 ELLA. Twenty-four hours? 
 
44 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 HARRIET. One entire day and night. 
 
 ELLA. And you didn t speak to him ? 
 
 HARRIET. Oh, yes, I did. My old English lady 
 and myself asked him many questions about our 
 danger. Then the night came on. A sailor man 
 climbed up to us with sandwiches and coffee, but 
 the wheel still stuck. My Englishman stammered 
 something about " rest and the car to ourselves 
 (In imitation of CARDINGTON S speech and manner 
 stroking moustache, etc.) and to call if we 
 needed anything in the night," and to our great ter 
 ror but equally great relief he then climbed after the 
 sailor man into the car behind us, which happened 
 to have only men in it. 
 
 ELLA. How considerate. 
 
 HARRIET. Well, he was probably sleepy himself. 
 
 ELLA. And how did you get out of the car? 
 
 HARRIET. They mended the machinery the next 
 day. Papa and the Senator Barker came- late, as 
 usual, and camped on the ground below us. When 
 our car reached the ground, they took me and my 
 old lady friend to the hotel, and I d lost my Eng 
 lishman again. 
 
 ELLA. And you haven t seen him since? 
 
 HARRIET. My dear, (Pause). I ve seen him this 
 morning. 
 
 ELLA. Where ? 
 
 HARRIET. Here. 
 
 ELLA. This hotel? 
 
 HARRIET. This room. Papa and Senator Barker, 
 as usual, are planning a sudden departure by train, 
 but I mean to stay awhile this time. 
 
 ELLA. Perhaps the man follows you. 
 
 HARRIET. No such luck, my dear. But I hope 
 he doesn t think I follow him. 
 
 (Enter HEADWAITER. Enter ARTHUR.) 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 45 
 
 HEADWAITER. One, sir? 
 
 ARTHUR. (Indicating ELLA) The young lady. 
 
 (HEADWAITER signals 2ND WAITER, who ap 
 proaches.) 
 
 ELLA. Here s my diplomatist! 
 
 ARTHUR. (To ELLA) Pardon, your father sent 
 me. (Glances at HARRIET) 
 
 ELLA. Miss Fordyce, may I present Mr. Weath- 
 erbee ? 
 
 HARRIET. Mr. Weatherbee. 
 
 ARTHUR. Good-morning. 
 
 ELLA. Sit down. 
 
 (2ND WAITER seats ARTHUR R. of table.) 
 
 ARTHUR. I er -such a beautiful morning, you 
 know, thought perhaps a walk or ride in the 
 Park 
 
 ELLA. Well Uncle Montgomery s in the hotel, 
 and - 
 
 ARTHUR. (Nervously) Oh, is he? 
 
 ELLA. Miss Fordyce used to (HARRIET nudges 
 her) That is she s met Uncle Montgomery 
 
 HARRIET. (With dignity) No, my dear, I don t 
 know the gentleman. 
 
 ELLA. Oh ! 
 
 ARTHUR. You know our business with him? 
 Miss Seaford s told you? 
 
 HARRIET. Oh, yes. 
 
 ARTHUR. Yes er seems to me a chap who 
 wishes to marry qualifies quite strongly enough if 
 he pleases the young lady and her mother and 
 her father and that sort of thing. Uncles well, 
 tastes differ so 
 
 HARRIET. It does make the requirements fairly 
 Protean. (To WAITER) Check, please! 
 
46 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 ARTHUR. (Gratefully) Yes, doesn t it? 
 
 ELLA. But that s only for the inheritance, Ar 
 thur. If you think your chance in the State De 
 partment is sufficient 
 
 ARTHUR. Well, if you think it s sufficient 
 
 ELLA. That s the question. What do you think ? 
 (To HARRIET) 
 
 HARRIET. My dear, I d rather not think. (Takes 
 check from 2ND WAITER, signs) Mr. Weatherbee 
 already has so many thinking for him. (Gives 2ND 
 WAITER tip) 
 
 ARTHUR. Besides, my dear Ella, Miss For- 
 sythe 
 
 ELLA. Miss Fordyce 
 
 (Enter HEADWAITER preceding CARDINGTON.) 
 
 ARTHUR. Pardon? Miss Fordyce doesn t know 
 my chances. 
 
 HEADWAITER. Same table, sir? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes. 
 
 HARRIET. (Seeing CARDINGTON) Ella! 
 
 ELLA. My dear! 
 
 ARTHUR. (Regarding CARDINGTON) Why 
 
 my why really 
 
 ELLA. What is it, Arthur? 
 
 ARTHUR. (Staring) A friend of mine, I think. 
 
 ELLA. What s his name? 
 
 ARTHUR. Lord Cardington. (ARTHUR bows to 
 CARDINGTON) "Morning." 
 
 (CARDINGTON adjusts monocle; regards ARTHUR 
 stolidly; speaks to HEADWAITER.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Coffee! (Sits left of table) 
 HEADWAITER. Yes, sir. (Crosses to IST WAITER, 
 IST WAITER exit L.) 
 
 ARTHUR. He doesn t answer. I may be mis 
 taken, but 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 47 
 
 HARRIET. Perhaps the gentleman doesn t re 
 member you. 
 
 (HEAD WAITER exit R.) 
 
 ARTHUR. Lord Cardington would. 
 
 ELLA. Lord Cardington a nobleman? 
 
 ARTHUR. He s an Earl. (CARDINGTON puts his 
 finger on his lips and pantomimes silence to AR 
 THUR) Oh no no 1 think I m mistaken. 
 
 There s something different. (Pause) Well, about 
 the walk. (To ELLA) 
 
 ELLA. But Uncle Montgomery! 
 
 ARTHUR. Haven t we to wait for your aunt be 
 fore we see him? 
 
 ELLA. (Rising) I suppose we must. Will you 
 walk with us, Harriet? 
 
 HARRIET. (Rising) Yes, my dear, (Pause) as 
 far as the elevator. 
 
 ELLA. Nonsense! Why not to the Park? 
 
 (2ND WAITER to window.) 
 
 HARRIET. Well ah some friend of mine might 
 come into the hotel. I don t think I have Mr. 
 Weatherbee s bad memory for faces. (Exit ELLA 
 R. HARRIET turns at door; bows pleasantly to 
 CARDINGTON and exit R.) 
 
 (CARDINGTON flutters; rises quickly and comes for 
 ward c, bowing. ARTHUR following ladies, 
 looks back at CARDINGTON ; CARDINGTON beck 
 ons him.) 
 
 ARTHUR. (Wavering) In a minute. Wait! 
 (Exit R.) 
 CARDINGTON. (Solus) Arthur Weatherbee 
 
48 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 knows her. Hang it, can she be the girl I ve heard 
 he s to marry? Wouldn t that be just my beastly 
 luck! (Re-enter ARTHUR below table) Ah, Ar 
 thur, my dear boy! (Offering his hand) 
 
 ARTHUR. Lord Cardington (Shakes hands. 
 CARDINGTON coughs him still) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Dissembling) Lord Cardington 
 sends you his regards by me. (Avoids 2ND WAITER 
 who clears table c.) 
 
 ARTHUR. Wliat s all this? Incog? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Much worse I m an alias. Tell 
 me that young lady you were with. 
 
 ARTHUR. My fiancee. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Disappointed) Oh! (Pause 
 regards him) My dear boy (Impulsively and 
 with heart) I congratulate you. (Takes his hand) 
 
 ARTHUR. Thank you, charming, isn t she? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Charming s not the word. She s 
 queenly. (With a regal drawl on the word) She 
 was the handsomest girl in London last season. 
 (goes up) 
 
 ARTHUR. London? She s never been in Lon 
 don. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Calmly) Pardon, my deah boy, 
 I met her there, 
 
 ARTHUR. Met her? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Informally. (Goes L.) 
 
 ARTHUR. Miss Seaford? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Magnificently forgiving AR 
 THUR S dulness) No, Miss Barker, of course. 
 
 ARTHUR. Of what lady are you speaking? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Wasn t that Miss Barker next you 
 at table theah? 
 
 ARTHUR. That was Miss Fordyce. My fiancee 
 is the other lady, Miss Seaford. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (In gleeful relief) Ha! Ha! 
 (Pause, recovers his calm) I saw her in Paris. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 49 
 
 She she set fiah to the hotel ! Landlord said 
 the name was Barker. 
 
 ARTHUR. Perhaps you re mistaken in the person. 
 
 CARDINGTON. No, I m not. She recognized me. 
 But I don t care what her name is she she s not 
 the one you re engaged to ? 
 
 (Enter IST WAITER with coffee.) 
 
 ARTHUR. Oh, no ! 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Much relieved, and smiling unc 
 tuously) Oh! Oh! 
 
 (Enter OMNIBUS door L. Exit 2ND WAITER door L. 
 CARDINGTON adjusts monocle, becomes heavily 
 introspective, IST WAITER comes with coffee 
 to table.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Sits R. of small table L.) Arthur, 
 have some coffee? (To WAITER) Another cup. 
 
 IST WAITER. Yes, sir. (Goes) 
 
 ARTHUR. (Sits L. of table) Thank you, I ve 
 had mine. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Pouring coffee) Well, I ve had 
 foah, just to be where where she was. 
 
 ARTHUR. Miss Fordyce? 
 
 CARDINGTON. If that s her name yes. 
 
 ARTHUR. You re in love? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Beaming) Ha, ha. Think of 
 it and at my time of life, too. 
 
 ARTHUR. How did it come about? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Most romantic. Hotel in Paris. 
 Ah I was having my tub (Drains small memo, 
 book from pocket and consults it) Excuse me, I 
 mean " taking my bath." 
 
 ARTHUR. What s that? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Memoranda you see. The way 
 one says the same things in America, don t you 
 know. I don t want any person to think I m an 
 
50 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 Englishman, so so I m saying things in Yankee 
 style, you see. 
 
 (Exit 2ND WAITER L., followed by OMNIBUS with 
 dishes, etc.) 
 
 ARTHUR. I m afraid you can t deceive them. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Nonsense you you you watch 
 me. I d have said " you ken t deceive them," not 
 cawn t. Aha. I ve practiced it all the way ovah. 
 
 (OMNIBUS enters L., gets remaining dishes and 
 exits L.) 
 
 ARTHUR. (Laughing) Well, I shall watch you, 
 if I may (Re-enter IST WAITER with cup, zvhich 
 he places at CARDINGTON S hand, then stands R. c.) 
 But you were having your tub in Paris 
 
 CARDINGTON. When I heard a female voice in 
 distress calling " Fiah" and (Pause) "help." 
 (Pause) You may depend on it, I I went to her, 
 (Pause) first putting on my bath gown and slip 
 pers. By Jove ! The loveliest shoulders (Dreams 
 and smiles) 
 
 ARTHUR. Her shoulders? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (After a puzzled look) Why, 
 certainly, old chap. 
 
 ARTHUR. She having her tub? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Shocked) No, Arthur, perfectly 
 propah, but exceedingly ah informal, bodice and 
 white underskirt, and all that sort of " Fra Di- 
 avolo " sort of thing ! 
 
 ARTHUR. I know the scene. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, (Pause) when it was all 
 ovah and I d filled up my tub again and 
 (Pause) and put on my clothes and everything 
 (Pause) she d gone! 
 
 ARTHUR. Oh, too bad! 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 51 
 
 CARDINGTON. Wasn t it? Well, knocking about 
 the Rivera, my dog died. You remember my dog, 
 Bismark? 
 
 ARTHUR. No, I don t think I do. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, well, he died, poor old chap. 
 Now, you know, one can t take a dog into England 
 without a permit. 
 
 ARTHUR. Yes, I know that. 
 
 CARDINGTON. But I had a permit, you see, for 
 my dog. 
 
 ARTHUR. Oh, vou wished to bury him in Eng 
 land? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Chagrined) Now, my deah Ar 
 thur, (Pause) I m not that sort of an ass, you know. 
 No, she d bought a dog, you understand? 
 
 (Enter OMNIBUS door L.) 
 
 ARTHUR. She ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Miss Miss Fordyce, if that s her 
 name. 
 
 ARTHUR. No, I don t quite understand. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (With plainly persevering pa 
 tience) Crossing the channel, there she was on 
 the steamer. 
 
 ARTHUR. I see, with her dog. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Exactly. (Breathes heavily and 
 continues more normally) Now it appears she s 
 not a good sailor, but no matter. She was very un 
 happy too, because someone told her she couldn t 
 take her dog past the Health Officer. 
 
 ARTHUR. Without a permit. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Finishing, and at rest) Exactly. 
 
 ARTHUR. (Long Pause) So you thought of 
 yours. 
 
 CARDINGTON. No, deah boy, I d no such pres 
 ence of mind, but Wilkins thought of it. 
 
 ARTHUR. Wilkins? 
 
52 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 CARDINGTON. You must remember my man, 
 Wilkins? 
 
 ARTHUR. Oh, yes, Wilkins, of course. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Wilkins suspects that I m ah 
 interested in the girl so he suggested getting her 
 dog through for her. I cautioned him not to give 
 her my name, because I didn t want to to interest 
 her that way, you know. (ARTHUR nods) Wil 
 kins arranged it with her maid. I m sure she wanted 
 to thank me herself, but she she s not a good 
 sailor. (Pause) She was devilish handsome, all 
 the same- -ah - even under thosetrying circum 
 stances, 
 
 ARTHUR. So she didn t thank you? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Only with her eyes, deah boy. 
 
 ARTHUR. Eyes are very eloquent sometimes. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Rather! Well, Wilkins put my 
 luggage in the same compartment with hers on the 
 train going up to London, but of course one couldn t 
 force one s self that way. 
 
 ARTHUR. Of course not. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Disapprovingly) Wilkins has 
 presence of mind, and some delicacy- -but hang it 
 there are moments. (Pause) So I didn t see her 
 again that time. But now comes the rummest ad 
 venture. You read about that Ferris Wheel thing 
 at Earlscourt stopping for twenty-four hours? 
 
 ARTHUR. Yes, with the passengers in all the 
 cars ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Smiling reflectively) There are 
 some deuced funny stories told about that fel 
 lows who didn t want their wives to know, and 
 chaps missing trains, and all that sort of thing. 
 But no matter / was there. 
 
 ARTHUR. You in that wheel ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Ha, ha, wasn t I though? You 
 know they d mulct me in awful heavy damaged, if 
 they knew (Looks cautiously around} I I did 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 53 
 
 that. (Reaching across and tapping ARTHUR S arm 
 to emphasise his words) 
 
 ARTHUR. Did what? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Threw the machinery out of gear 
 and made the deuced thing stick v 
 
 ARTHUR. But why? 
 
 CARDINRTON. She was there. I saw her go into 
 a car with another lady, and I started after her. 
 Wilkins said, "don t go up," sir, the blessed thing 
 might stick with you in the air. I said, " I d give a 
 five pun note if it would stick " ha ha and 
 there you are! 
 
 (Enter WILKINS R., crosses to CARDINGTON.) 
 
 ARTHUR. (Laughing) Oh, bribed the en 
 gineer 
 
 CARDINGTON. No, oh, Wilkins 
 
 WILKINS. This card just came up, sir. Gentle 
 man s waiting. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh ! 
 
 ARTHUR. How* are you, Wilkins? 
 
 ( WILKINS nods.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Takes card) You remember 
 Mr. Weatherbee, Wilkins 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON, (With card) Mr. Silas Hooper 
 (To WILKINS) Oh, that s the brewah, isn t it? 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, ask him to wait five min 
 utes, while I read about him. (Gets his memo, 
 book, rising and crossing down R. c.) 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. (Starts off R.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Wilkins. 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Tell Mr. Weatherbee how you 
 stopped that Ferris wheel thing- at Earlscourt. 
 
54 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 WILKINS. (Returning) I only meant to stop it 
 a alf hour, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Looking up) Tommy rot, Wil- 
 kins, you meant to do just what you did, and you re 
 devilish lucky not to be transported for life. 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. (To ARTHUR) I d a large 
 jack-knife, sir, and I dropped it in the cogs, the 
 cable climbed right over them when it struck it, sir 
 I don t know exactly how, sir 
 
 CARDINGTON. That will do, Wilkins. 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. (Goes) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (To ARTHUR) Great presence of 
 mind, Arthur, but no no no delicacy. (Reads) 
 " Hoopah ! Wants to sell breweries, knew father, 
 knew you as a small boy, promised to meet him, 
 Chicago, some time in April. Pretend to consider 
 his offers, belongs to clubs and can give you a good 
 time " oh, oh, I wish I d written more about 
 Hooper. 
 
 PAGE. (Heard off R. calling) Telegram for 
 Montgomery Putnam. Telegram for Montgomery 
 Putnam! (Enter PAGE R., telegram in hand, cross 
 ing L.) Telegram for Montgomery Putnam. 
 
 ARTHUR. (Turning) Putnam? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Here, boy! 
 
 PAGE. (Goes to CARDINGTON) Your name Put 
 nam, sir? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes. (Takes telegram. Exit PAGE 
 R. ARTHUR stares) Excuse me, Arthur, won t 
 you? 
 
 ARTHUR. (Rising) Why do you open Mr. Put 
 nam s telegrams? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Why shouldn t I. That s my 
 name heah ! 
 
 (ARTHUR astonished.) 
 ARTHUR. Your name? 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 55 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes, my alias. 
 
 ARTHUR. But Montgomery Putnam s 
 
 CARDINGTON. (ARTHUR sits) A friend of mine 
 in London. You see, this trial of Lord Culver by 
 the Peers is a devilish serious thing. I don t want 
 to sit as one of his judges, because, well, I know 
 too much of the case, you see. Had to go where 
 they can t find me. Thought being some other fel 
 low in particular was much better than a mere as 
 sumed name. So this friend of mine said I would 
 do him a favor by using his name, you understand. 
 No reporter would look for Lord Cardington, in the 
 person of an American citizen, doing business. Be 
 sides, Miss Fordyce is an American and 
 
 ARTHUR. But Montgomery Putnam is a well- 
 known man. 
 
 CARDINGTON. He told me not by sight. He s 
 been on the Continent most of the time. Lot of 
 money. 
 
 ARTHUR. Plenty of money but 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Reads telegram) "Tell Ella 
 and Jane not to worry about me. Much better this 
 morning. Sarah." Oh ! (Pause) I m glad 
 Sarah s better, but who the deuce is Sarah? And 
 why should Ella and Jane worry? 
 
 ARTHUR. (Rising) Sarah s Miss Seaford s 
 mother. That telegram s not meant for you, my 
 lord. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Starting and looking around) 
 Be careful, Arthur. Call "me Montgomery, or Mr. 
 Putnam, but 
 
 ARTHUR. We are here to -meet Mr. Montgomery 
 Putnam this morning. 
 
 CARDIXGTON. Oh! Oh! Then there s another 
 one of us? 
 
 ARTHUR. Certainly ! 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Deeply puzzled) That make3 
 three. (Pauses sits) Ever see this third one? 
 
56 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 ARTHUR. No, he s been on the Continent most 
 of his life. 
 
 CARDINGTON. So has my friend. 
 
 ARTHUR. This Putnam s family is Pawtucket. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Pawtucket that s my man. 
 
 ARTHUR. But Miss Seaford s uncle is here. 
 That telegram s from her mother to the uncle. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh ! 
 
 ARTHUR. (Sitting) Mr. Hooper had a letter 
 from the uncle, written in Boston. 
 
 CARDINGTON. / wrote Hooper from Boston to 
 Chicago. He answered, meet him here. Here s 
 his card. 
 
 ARTHUR. Then you re the man Miss Seaford 
 came from Cleveland to meet. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, ami? (Gets book) Wonder 
 if I ve any memorandum about her? 
 
 ARTHUR. You don t need any. She s my fiancee. 
 She came here to meet you, because we ve got to 
 have Montgomery Putnam s consent to our mar 
 riage. Something about their inheritance. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Pause) Oh Well, I m sorry 
 if I have given the young lady any trouble. Is 
 Cleveland far from here? 
 
 ARTHUR. Eighteen hours. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, that s too bad. Well, ask her, 
 like a good fellow, not to make any trouble for me. 
 It s the other girl I m after. 
 
 ARTHUR. She s never seen her uncle. This 
 this ll put off (Pause) Where is the real uncle ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. He left me at Southampton. Said 
 he was going to Cairo, after I left. 
 
 ARTHUR. Too bad. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Leaning back in chair) Oh, 
 Cairo s not a bad place. 
 
 ARTHUR. You know I don t give a cent about 
 his consent myself- 
 
 CARDINGTON. Quite right, dear boy- 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 57 
 
 ARTHUR. Only someth ing s to be done. They ll 
 surely call on you this morning. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh! (Pause) Can t you say 
 you ve seen me and that it s it s no use? 
 
 ARTHUR. They d think that rather officious on 
 my part. Besides, they wouldn t take that for an 
 answer and, don t you see, if they did, it might 
 delay my marriage. 
 
 C ARDI N GTO N . Oh ! 
 
 ARTHUR. Montgomery Putnam wanted you to 
 use his name? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes ; with the brewah chap. 
 
 ARTHUR. Then why not use it? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Why, bless you, my dear fellow, 
 / am. (Extends card In one hand, book In the 
 other) 
 
 ARTHUR. But if you don t mind, use it for me, 
 {Getting his hat and rising) I ll fetch Miss Sea- 
 ford to you and you can say you consent. 
 
 CARDINGTON. No, dear boy, I can t do that. 
 
 ARTHUR. Why not? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Because I d be a bit of a cad. 
 Hang it! Putnam s my friend, and if it s a matter 
 of estate, or an inheritance Oh, no! 
 
 ARTHUR. (Sitting again) I don t see that 
 Such a consent by proxy, wouldn t convey the es 
 tate. I only want the girl. 
 
 CARDINGTON. You see, I m not sure. I m such 
 an ass about law even English law. No, deah boy, 
 1 dare not. 
 
 ARTHUR. But you dare refuse. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Nor that, either. That was just 
 my first impulse at the thought of a nice girl mar 
 rying any fellow. 
 
 (Enter HARRIET R.) 
 HARRIET. Oh, Mr. Weatherbee 
 
58 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 (ARTHUR and CARDINGTON rise, both embarrassed, 
 ARTHUR crosses c.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Aside) Introduce me, Arthur. 
 
 HARRIET. Ella is waiting for you quite impa 
 tiently. I thought you might care to know. 
 
 ARTHUR. Thank you. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Aside pleadingly) Deah Boy! 
 
 ARTHUR. No, sir you declined to help me. 
 
 CARDINGTON. But Arthur I 
 HARRIET. You may introduce your friend. I 
 think we ve met before, but 
 
 CARDINGTON. Quite so. 
 
 ARTHUR. Miss Fordyce, may I present Mr. 
 Montgomery Putnam. 
 
 HARRIET. (Startled) Montgom Putnam 
 (Aspirantly) You mean? 
 
 ARTHUR. Oh, yes, Ella s Uncle Montgomery. 
 (To CARDINGTON) Miss Fordyce knows your 
 niece very well. 
 
 (Enter OMNIBUS door L. removes dishes from 
 table L.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh ! 
 
 ARTHUR. Excuse me. (Exit R., laughing paus 
 ing to throw an amused look at CARDINGTON) 
 
 HARRIET. Did did I hear the name rightly? 
 Mr. Montgomery Putnam? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes, yes Montgomery Putnam. 
 Won t you have a chair? (Arranges chair for her 
 R. of table c.) 
 
 HARRIET. Thank you. 
 
 CARDINGTON. And some coffee? 
 
 (WAITER turns IST W T AITER approaches.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Aside perplexed) Can he- 
 know? 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 59 
 
 CARDINGTON. Waitah! bring some hot coffee, 
 and (To HARRIET) Anything else, Miss 
 Fordyce ? 
 
 HARRIET. (Startled) Oh pardon? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Some fruit or anything? 
 
 HARRIET. No, thank you. 
 
 (CARDINGTON continues in pantomime to WAITER.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Aside) Mr. Weatherbee doesn t 
 know Montgomery Putnam. He does know Lord 
 Cardington. 
 
 (IST WAITER arranges chairs at table L. Exit 
 door L.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Returning) And to think that 
 we should meet as acquaintances after all. 
 
 HARRIET. (Smiling) Having met so often as 
 friends. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Thank you. (Bows and sits 
 above table c.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Insinuatingly) Your first visit to 
 America? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh no I was born here, you 
 know. 
 
 HARRIET. Indeed? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, yes. 
 
 HARRIET. What part of America ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. No particular part oh oh yes 
 Paw Paw-tucket. 
 
 HARRIET. Mr. Weatherbee said you were Miss 
 Seaford s uncle. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes, but don t let us talk about me. 
 (Smiles pleasantly) 
 
 HARRIET. (Persevering) You must be the 
 brother, then, of Miss Jane Putnam? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Trying to remember) Jane? 
 
60 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 (Pause) Oh, yes, Jane of course. (Gets tele 
 gram} I ve had a telegram from Jane. Jane s bet- 
 tah. She said I was to tell Mary so. 
 
 HARRIET. A telegram from Jane? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Corrected by telegram} Oh, I 
 beg pardon, it s from Sarah Ah Sarah s bettah. 
 
 (Enter door L. OMNIBUS with service for table c.> 
 which he lays and exits door L. ) 
 
 HARRIET. (Aside} Why does he use that 
 name? (Aloud} We saw in the papers that you 
 knew some of the English noblility. 
 
 CARDI NGTON. ( Easily } Ah yes - yes ! 
 
 HARRIET. Lord Cardington, I think, was among 
 them. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes, I know Cardington. 
 
 HARRIET. Baronet, I believe. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (With dignity} No, Cardington s 
 an Earl. 
 
 HARRIET. (Attracted by his seal ring} Indeed, 
 Do you know his coat of arms?. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Turning his ring} Something or 
 other ah, no I don t think I could describe it. 
 But nevah mind my friends. You - you re staying 
 heah, of course? 
 
 HARRIET. Yes. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Smiles} So am I. Think of it, 
 Miss Fordyce. I might see more of you. (HAR 
 RIET starts slightly) I mean oftener, don t you 
 know. You see, my time is of no importance, 
 and 
 
 HARRIET. I inferred that, of course. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Forgive me, I m dreadfully stupid. 
 I meant I regretted that I had no business, which I 
 might neglect for you. May as well be honest, you 
 know. 
 
 (Enter IST WAITER with coffee service for two.) 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 61 
 
 HARRIET. Quite as well. 
 
 (IST WAITER puts coffee on table, exit L.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Rising) Have some coffee? 
 
 HARRIET. No thank you, I ll pour it. I ve had 
 coffee twice this morning. 
 
 CARDINGTON. This makes five times for me. 
 
 HARRIET. (Stopping) Five? Is it such a pas 
 sion with you? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Sitting) I came in each time to 
 see you. 
 
 HARRIET. Mr. Putnam (Pours coffee low 
 ering eyes) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Do you blame me? 
 
 HARRIET. It seems excessive, really. (Pause) 
 I came back only onceon your account. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Impulsively) Miss Fordyce? 
 (Leans forward) 
 
 HARRIET. (Receding a little) Oh, Mr. Putnam. 
 I wish .to thank you for your great kindness in the 
 three times that we met. 
 
 (Enter IST WAITER door L., with fruit, which he 
 places on table c. and retires to position up 
 
 L. C.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Fervently} Don t mention it, I 
 beg of you. It has brought so much interest into 
 my life really, Miss Forddyce, I am the debtor. 
 
 HARRIET. (Smiling) It interests you to rescue 
 maidens in distress? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Ha, ha ! Yes, that is, one girl 
 you know if a chap wanted to marry, maiden ah 
 maiden sounds so romantically hopeless, don t you 
 know. 
 
 HARRIET. Maidens, I believe, are wed, not mar 
 ried. 
 
62 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Exactly. 
 
 HARRIET. (Turns to him) Your own experi 
 ence? 
 
 CARDINGTON. My experience? 
 
 HARRIET. Yes. Didn t Mr. Weatherbee say you 
 were a married man? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Smiling) Weatherbee? Ho! 
 ho ! Weatherbee must have been spoofing. 
 
 HARRIET. Spoofing ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Helplessly getting his book, but 
 not daring to consult it) Spoofing, oh, yes, in jest 
 ah (In sudden relief) Talking through his 
 hat." (Puts memo, book away) 
 
 HARRIET. Then you ve not been married? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Nevah I m happy to say. 
 
 HARRIET. Happy to say Why happy? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Because if I had been, it would 
 have been to the wrong girl. You see ? 
 
 HARRIET. Oh would it? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Now, I can come to to the right 
 girl, and ah with a clean record " first love " 
 and all that poetical sort of thing. 
 
 HARRIET. (Smiling) Quite enough, I should 
 think, to win even a maiden. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Prefer girl ha, ha ! (Aside. In 
 sudden seriousness) By Jove she s splendid. 
 
 HARRIET. And, of course, the girl should be 
 equally inexperienced ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, yes of course that is 
 (Pause. Then with great meaning) She is, I m 
 sure? 
 
 HARRIET. Oh, then, you ve met her? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Now, my dear Miss Fordyce, 
 you re not spoofing I mean poking fun at me? 
 
 HARRIET. No. Am I too too curious? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Not at all. It s very charming if 
 you mean it. 
 
 HARRIET. Of course I mean it, I wish very 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 63 
 
 much to know if you ve met the lady that is the 
 girl 
 
 CARDIXGTON. (Insinuatingly} Why do you 
 think I am on this side of the Atlantic, Miss For- 
 dyce ? 
 
 HARRIET. Why you were born here. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Of course in Paw Pawtucket. 
 But I m awfully fond of London, don t you know 
 ah notwithstanding. 
 
 HARRIET. So am I. But why are you on this 
 side of the Atlantic? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Because (Pause looks at her 
 wooingly, half rising and bending over her) 
 
 HARRIET. Well? (Looks dozvn Enter WIL- 
 KINS with letters) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Motioning WILKINS away) No 
 not now, Wilkins. 
 
 HARRIET. (Looking up and around) Oh, that s 
 your man, isn t it? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Deeply annoyed) Yes Wilkins. 
 
 HARRIET. How d do? 
 
 WILKINS. Morning, Miss. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Rebukingly) Well, Wilkins, 
 what is it? 
 
 WILKINS. Air. Hooper, sir, and some letters. 
 
 HARRIET. (Rising) I m keeping you from your 
 business. You are neglecting it for me. (Smiles 
 pleasantly, crossing before table up c.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Following) I don t care a hang 
 for it, I assure you. Don t go. 
 
 HARRIET. Oh, I think I must. It s such a beau 
 tiful morning for walking and 
 
 CARDINGTON. (In boyish eagerness) Take me 
 with you. You know I can dispose of this business 
 in a jiffy. It s only a brewah chap from 
 Chicago. 
 
 HARRIET. (To WILKINS) Oh, Mr. Hooper. 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, Miss. 
 
64 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 HARRIET. (To CARDINGTON) Do let me see 
 what he looks like. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Why, of course, and I ll tell him 
 I had a a previous engagement with you- (HAR 
 RIET turns down L. c , smiling) Send him here, 
 Wilkins. 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. (Offers letters) Letters, 
 sir? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Refusing letters with gesture; 
 comes doivn to HARRIET) No o o 
 
 ( WILKINS exit R.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Smiling archly) " A previous en 
 gagement with me Oh, Mr. Putnam I m afraid 
 you find deception not so difficult. 
 
 CARDINGTON. For you, my dear lady nevah to 
 you. 
 
 HARRIET. And Mr. Weatherbee was spoofing? 
 You you ve not been married in any previous 
 engagement? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Nevah ! 
 
 HARRIET. Because that would be the one mat 
 ter about which the the right girl, whoever she 
 may be could forgive no deception. 
 
 CARDINGTON. To be sure. 
 
 (IST WAITER crosses to table, about to remove 
 service. ) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, leave that, please. I ll give it 
 to Hoopah. 
 
 (Exit WAITER L. Enter WILKINS and HOOPER R.) 
 
 WILKINS. (Politely, indicating CARDINGTON) 
 Mr. Putnam, sir. 
 
 (CARDINGTON crosses R. HARRIET turns up c.) 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 65 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, Mr. Hoopah? (Meeting 
 KOOPER and shaking hands) 
 
 HOOPER. That s my name. Are you Mont 
 gomery Putnam? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, yes, though I haven t seen 
 you, Mr. Hoopah, since I was a little boy in 
 Paw Pawtucket. (Turns away to L.) 
 
 HOOPER. (Aside) Tries to act like a fool Eng 
 lishman. 
 
 CARDINGTON. I fear I cawn t can t I can t do 
 any business this morning, Mr. Hoopah, as I ve ap 
 pointed to to go an errand of considerable im 
 portance. (Crosses up c. to HARRIET) 
 
 HARRIET. It will take me some minutes to get 
 ready. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh! (Following HARRIET) You 
 won t be too long, will you? 
 
 (HARRIET suggests " no " and exit R. HOOPER goes 
 c., below table.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, Wilkins? 
 
 WILKINS. Letters, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. No. Get my stick and hat; and 
 wait for me in the corridor. 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. (Exit R.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Indicating chair) Sit down, Mr. 
 Hoopah -that table I m having my coffee. 
 
 HOOPER. Thank you. (Sits L. of table) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (With book scanning it) 
 11 Hoopah breweries Chicago " Oh! (Giving 
 up perplexed puts book in pocket. Returns to 
 table) 
 
 HOOPER. How s Jane? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Jane? (Pause) Oh, Jane s bet 
 termuch better. 
 
 HOOPER. (Anxiously) Has Jane been ill? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes, I ve had a telegram from her 
 
66 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 this morning, telling me not to worry so I I don t 
 worry, you see. (Sits R. of table c.) 
 
 HOOPER. I wired Jane day before yesterday 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Worried) Oh then she s prob 
 ably got it by this time. 
 
 HOOPER. Unless she s too ill for them to give it 
 to her. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes. 
 
 HOOPER. But she telegraphed you? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Easily) Oh, yes. 
 
 HOOPER. She was able to do that? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes, (Pause} now I should think 
 if a person were well enough to send a telegram she 
 would be strong enough to ah receive one Ah 
 personally, you know, I find sending them much 
 the more difficult of the two. 
 
 HOOPER. Why, of course, she got it. Jane didn t 
 know you w r ere here, until I telegraphed her, did 
 she? 
 
 CARDINGTON. I m sure she didn t. 
 
 HOOPER. I ll stop off in Cleveland on my way 
 back and see Jane. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Good ! 
 
 HOOPER. (With a plunge at business) Yes er 
 now you like Jane, don t you? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (On the defensive) Like Jane? 
 Well, you see, my dear Mr. Hoopah, (Smiles and 
 gets his book below table) 
 
 HOOPER. Because Jane has an idea that you 
 you re indifferent in a way. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well ah you see, my dear Mr. 
 Hoopah (Finding place in book suddenly) 
 Jane s my sister, don t you know. 
 
 HOOPER. (Brightly) That s what I tell her 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well er you re perfectly safe, 
 old chap. You stop over in Cleveland, and and 
 repeat it. 
 
 HOOPER. I shall. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 67 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Anxiously) Now that s all about 
 Jane, isn t it. (HOOPER turns and looks at him 
 amazed) Because we ve got to talk about the 
 Brewery, and your Clubs (Looks anxiously) 
 
 HOOPER. But Jane s quite as important to me as 
 the breweries are. 
 
 CARDINGTON. In a way, of course. 
 
 HOOPER. Now, your father s will 
 
 CARDINGTON. (With dignity, after covertly con 
 sulting memo, book) My father Mr. Hoopah is 
 dead ah ah isn t he ? 
 
 HOOPER. To be sure, but 
 
 CARDINGTON. Then we can t discuss him or his 
 affairs in the "same ah interview with the brew 
 eries, can we? 
 
 HOOPER. Leave the business out out of it 
 (Positively, striking the table, startling CARDING 
 TON) / can make Jane happy 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Equally loud) Then for God s 
 sake, do it, Hoopah. 
 
 (Enter SENATOR and DUFFIELD R.) 
 
 SENATOR. That s the gentleman, this side, 
 (Goes up c. to window) 
 
 DUFFIELD. Mr. Putnam. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes, I m Mr. Putnam. 
 
 DUFFIELD. May I have a word with you? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Glad to quit HOOPER) You may. 
 (Rises) 
 
 (HOOPER rises, goes to table L., places chair R. at 
 back of table and sits, facing front.) 
 
 DUFFIELD. My name s Duffield. I m from the 
 law office of Brooks, Fairbank and Brooks. 
 CARDINGTON. What can I do for you? 
 DUFFIELD. We represent Mrs. Putnam. 
 CARDINGTON. (Drops monocle from eye and 
 
68 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 stares at DUFFIELD stupefied. Pause) Mrs. Put 
 nam ? Oh, you mean inothah ? 
 
 DUFFJELD. I mean, your wife. 
 
 CARDINGTON. My wife? 
 
 DUFFIELD. Mrs. Montgomery Putnam. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, but I m not married, am I? 
 
 DUFFIELD. Not now, sir, of course, but I sup 
 pose you must admit that you re liable for the ali 
 mony? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh alimony. 
 
 DUFFIELD. Yes, sir. Your default puts you in 
 contempt of court. We don t wish to make an ar 
 rest, but (Indicating by turn of the head R.) an 
 officer of the court is there in the corridor, if you 
 refuse to pay. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (To himself) Damn it! (Pause) 
 And I told Miss Fordyce 
 
 DUFFIELD. (Positively} Miss Fordyce has 
 nothing to say in the premises, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, I m not such an ass as that, 
 my good fellow. 
 
 DUFFIELD. We want the money. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, very well. (Pause) I shall 
 have to cable to Cairo 
 
 DUFFIELD. My instructions don t permit that de 
 lay, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, what s the amount? 
 
 DUFFIELD. Five thousand dollars. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, that s a thousand pounds, isn t 
 it? 
 
 DUFFIELD. About that. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, you know, a chap doesn t 
 carry that amount with him. 
 
 DUFFIELD. Your check s good. 
 
 CARDINGTON. My check (Weakening) You 
 know, I ve a jolly good mind to tell you something. 
 (Pause) No I can t do that. (Look at HOOPER) 
 Hoopah must know about it. (To DUFFIELD) 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 69 
 
 Permit me to speak to my friend a moment. (DuF- 
 FIELD bows and turns up, joining SENATOR. CARD- 
 INGTON goes L. to HOOPER) Mr. Hoopah, you re a 
 business man ah this chap heah- (Pause) 
 
 HOOPER. I heard what you ve said to each other. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh! (Pause) There s no way 
 out of it, I suppose? (HOOPER shakes head. 
 CARDINGTON gets his book, looks at it hopelessly) 
 It s a dirty trick. (Sits L. of table c.) 
 
 HOOPER. (Rises) Well, you didn t defend the 
 suit. You go abroad you pay the piper. 
 
 CARDINGTON. You know, a chap who could do 
 that I must have inherited some damned nasty 
 traits from my parents, Hoopah? 
 
 HOOPER. Well, the old man had em. Your 
 mother was an angel. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, hang it. (Looks at DUF- 
 FIELD, then at his book) I m beginning to despair a 
 little, even of mothah. 
 
 DUFFIELD. (Approaching) Well, sir? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Rising) You handle this affair 
 for me, Hoopah there s a good chap. 
 
 HOOPER. (Nods to DUFFIELD) You don t want 
 all that money at once, do you? 
 
 DUFFIELD. Not if it s secured. We ll take a 
 thousand now and the other four thousand in a 
 month. 
 
 HOOPER. (To CARDINGTON, who has gone out of 
 it to table L.) Give him your check for a thousand 
 dollars. 
 
 CARDINGTON. My check (Pause) I ll see 
 what cash I have. (Goes into pocket. Enter AR 
 THUR R.) Excuse me, here s another friend of 
 mine. (Crosses above table and meeting ARTHUR 
 at R. c. HOOPER rises and resumes seat at table L. 
 with newspaper, DUFFIELD goes up to SENATOR) 
 
 ARTHUR. What s up? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Why, it appears that this damned 
 
70 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 fellow who lent me his his damned name, is mar 
 ried and divorced and owes a lot of alimony. 
 
 ARTHUR. Ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, hang it, Arthur, I don t see 
 anything to laugh at. {Rather offended) They 
 want a thousand dollars -something over two hun 
 dred pounds now. Here s a hundred pounds, and 
 how much is that? (Producing United States Cur 
 rency) 
 
 ARTHUR. (Running rapidly through the bills) 
 Fifty fifty fifty twenty twenty two hundred 
 and ten dollars that s forty-two pounds. 
 
 CARDINGTON. You ll take my check, won t you? 
 
 ARTHUR. Won t they take it? 
 
 CARDINGTON. If I sign Putnam but on a check, 
 hang it, that d be forgery, old fellow. It appears 
 I ve committed alimony, but you know Arthur, that 
 wasn t intentional. 
 
 ARTHUR. (Eagerly) I ll let you have it, and 
 you say you give your consent to my marriage with 
 Ella. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Severely) Now, look here, Ar 
 thur, you know that that s blackmail. (Pause) 
 You know I could have you arrested for that. 
 
 ARTHUR. Call it what you like. Do you do it? 
 
 CARDINGTON. No, sir. 
 
 ARTHUR. Then I keep my three hundred. 
 (Turns to go) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Detaining him) Look here, Ar 
 thur. I ll cable this fellow. I ll do that, and tell 
 him I know you and that you re a devilish good 
 sort, and have lent me three hundred dollars, and 
 that I advise his giving his consent. I can do that, 
 you know. 
 
 ARTHUR. At once? 
 
 CARDINGTON. At once, Arthur. 
 
 ARTHUR. Very well. (Gives money) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Thank you, dear boy. (Turns to 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 71 
 
 DUFFIELD) Here, my man! (DUFFIELD turns to 
 him. CARDINGTON, with hands full of various bills 
 crosses to HOOPER) You re quite sure this is regu 
 lar, Mr. Hoopah? 
 
 HOOPER. Quite 
 
 CARDINGTON. (To DUFFIELD) There s the thou 
 sand dollars, then. 
 
 DUFFIELD. There must be security for the other 
 four. 
 
 HOOPER. I ll give that, if Mr. Putnam wishes it. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Thank you ! 
 
 DUFFIELD. You can sign this. (DUFFIELD sits 
 at table R., with HOOPER and counts money while 
 HOOPER signs) 
 
 SENATOR. (Coming down c.) Fixed, Duffield? 
 
 DUFFIELD. Yes, sir. 
 
 SENATOR. (To CARDINGTON) And you, sir, 
 must leave this hotel. You! (CARDINGTON is ob 
 livious. ARTHUR directs his attention to SENATOR 
 and turns up c. CARDINGTON turns to SENATOR, ad 
 justing monocle) Speaking to me? 
 
 SENATOR. I m speaking to you. Your wife cares 
 nothing for this dirty money. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, somebody s very particular. 
 
 SENATOR. She wishes to be unmolested and to 
 avoid you. Her health isn t the best, as you know, 
 and if she were to meet you face to face well it 
 might kill her. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh ! 
 
 (Enter HARRIET.) 
 HARRIET. Mr. Putnam 
 
 CARDINGTON. Miss Fordyce 
 
 SENATOR. (Astonished) What 
 HARRIET. I m ready. 
 
 CARDINGTON. You ll excuse me, then, Hoopah, 
 won t you? 
 
 SENATOR. (Starts to interfere) But 
 
72 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET, 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Turning) If you speak one word 
 of that beastly row before this lady, I ll thrash you. 
 (Mumbles in dumb show some " cuss words" at 
 SENATOR. Turns to HARRIET. Fixes HARRIET S 
 glove. Exit on 2nd Curtain} 
 
 (SENATOR stands dumbfounded. ) 
 CURTAIN. 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 SCENE: LORD CARDINGTON S parlor, third floor, 
 Waldorf -Astoria. Two windows in R. wall 
 look onto Fifth Ave. A mantel and fireplace 
 are at c. back. The door to R. of mantel lets 
 into bedroom, where an end of a handsome 
 brass bed shows. The door L. of mantel lets 
 into private hall running straight back to next 
 apartment. The L. wall of this hall is occupied 
 by closets further back, and a door at lower 
 end, letting into main corridor of third floor. 
 This corridor may be glimpsed by an auditor 
 to the left of the orchestra chairs. A double 
 door L. of scene, proper, lets to private dining- 
 room. Stage is set with table c., sofa to R. of 
 table, desk between windows R. Book-case R. 
 u. corner. Piano down L. Clock on mantel. 
 A Boot Box is in hall wall. 
 
 DISCOVERED, WILKINS and 3rd floor WAITER. 
 
 WILKINS. (Seated L. of table) Hand, it won t 
 be cold, you tell me? 
 
 HALL WAITER. (Standing) Not for a party of 
 four. 
 
 WALKINS. What s the party to do with it? 
 
 HALLWAITER. For a small party we cook it 
 right here. We have a kitchen on each floor. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 73 
 
 WILKINS. My word ! 
 
 HALL WAITER. (Sitting in armchair) I could 
 cook for six, but 
 
 WALKINS. (Rising) Stand hup you! 
 
 HALL WAITER. Stand up ? 
 
 WILKINS. Ow dare you a bally waiter, sitting 
 down in the presence of a gentleman s gentleman. 
 I ll ave you discharged. 
 
 HALL WAITER. (Rising) Vy you re only a valet, 
 you are dat s all. 
 
 WILKINS. (Sitting) Well, don t you sit down 
 all the same. (Knock. WILKINS stands promptly) 
 Get hout ! 
 
 {WAITER goes L. WILKINS goes to hall door up L.) 
 
 HALLWAITER. Dem fellows never licked de 
 Boers no zaw-ree! 
 
 JANE. (At hall door) Is Mr. Putnam here? 
 
 WILKINS. No, ma am. 
 
 JANE. (Entering) This is his room? 
 
 WILKINS. These are his apartments, madame. 
 
 JANE. Come in, Ella. 
 
 WILKINS. But, Mr. Putnam isn t 
 
 JANE. Fm Mr. Putnam s sister. 
 
 WILKINS. Ow ! 
 
 JANE. This young lady is his niece. How long 
 have you been with Mr. Putnam? 
 
 WILKINS. Quite a time, ma am, hoff and on. 
 
 JANE. (Going^ down R. of table and circling up 
 L. of c., seeing piano, stops) Then you have heard 
 him speak of his sister Jane ? 
 
 WILKINS. I ave, ma am. 
 
 JANE. (To ELLA) Piano your Uncle Mont 
 gomery doesn t play. (To WILKINS) Do you 
 play? 
 
 WILKINS. Hit s the otel, ma am. Hit gows 
 with the hapartment 
 
74 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 JANE. (Looking off at door L.) Oh, dining- 
 room who s is that? 
 
 WILKINS. Our private dining-room, ma am, 
 (Crossing to c.) 
 
 JANE. (Going to door up R. c, and looking 
 about) Bedroom. Private bath, I suppose? 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, ma am, with a china tub, ot and 
 cold water cocks. 
 
 JANE. See this, Ella? (Picks up bag with init 
 ial on it. Brings from alcove room R. c. ) 
 
 ELLA. What of it ? 
 
 JANE. That s a bag I gave Montgomery in 92. 
 Bought it from my own little starvation allowance. 
 (Throws bag in corner up R. WILKINS makes ges 
 ture of remonstrance, goes and picks up bag and 
 replaces it in room up R.) Huh! I ve learned 
 something since then. Here s the mail! (R. of 
 table, looking over mail) 
 
 WILKINS. Private mail, ma am. (Protesting) 
 
 JANE> My letter, Ella, unopened. 
 
 ELLA. Then that explains it, doesn t it? 
 
 JANE, To some extent, yes. Here s one in his 
 own handwriting. 
 
 WILKINS. I think not, ma am. 
 
 JANE. Who asked yott to think ? I guess I know 
 my brother s signature. This is a self-addressed 
 envelope from Berlin to Boston, forwarded to New 
 York. Well I don t understand that. If my 
 brother insists on writing to himself, seems to me 
 he should know where he s at. (Crossing up and 
 turning to WILKINS) Look here ! 
 
 WILKINS. I m looking, ma am. 
 
 JANE. You say my brother occasionally speaks 
 of his family. (Bell rings) What s that? 
 
 WILKINS. The door, ma am. Excuse me. 
 (Goes to door) 
 
 JANE. (Crossing behind and down R. of settee, 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 75 
 
 before which she pauses. To ELLA) Bells on a 
 bedroom door -of all the fool hotels 
 
 WILKINS. (At door) He s not in, Mr. Weath- 
 erbee. 
 
 ARTHUR. Hasn t come back, then? 
 
 (ELLA rises.) 
 
 WILKINS. No, sir. 
 
 ELLA. (Going up L.) It s Arthur, Auntie. Oh, 
 Arthur ! 
 
 ARTHUR. (Appearing) Yes (Sees JANE) 
 Wow! (Looks at WILKINS) 
 
 WILKINS. Mr. Putnam s sister, sir. 
 
 ARTHUR. (Fluffing) Yes, yes. (To JANE) 
 You heard from your brother, then? 
 
 JANE. Not at all. My letter s here, unopened. 
 But you told him we were here, Ella says. (Sits, 
 settee) 
 
 ARTHUR. Oh, yes, yes. 
 
 JANE. And Ella says you re quite old friends, 
 shook hands with you after he recognized you 
 
 ARTHUR. Oh, yes, yes. 
 
 JANE. Well, it s very funny you never mentioned 
 it to us. Montgomery Putnam s not a very com 
 mon name. 
 
 ARTHUR. (In front of table c.) You know I 
 called him Mr. Putnam. You see, Putnam Put 
 nam by itself is not so unusual, especially in Eng 
 land. 
 
 ( WILKINS turns up to hide his amusement.) 
 
 JANE. True ! 
 
 ARTHUR. And then this one that is he s so 
 much like an Englishman I always thought he was 
 an Englishman, and your brother s an American. 
 
 JANE. (Pause) Why didn t you ask him flat- 
 footed about Ella? 
 
76 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 ARTHUR. Well, that seemed rather a family 
 matter, don t you think so? 
 
 JANE. Yes, I suppose it is. (Rises and crosses 
 L., looks into dining-room) 
 
 ARTHUR. (Relieved; turns up to mantel c.) Yes. 
 (ELLA goes c.) 
 
 JANE. Then he expects us, of course. His table 
 is set for four to lunch. (To WILKINS) Do you 
 know anything about it? 
 
 WILKINS. E said ave lunch for four, that s 
 h all I know. 
 
 JANE. Well, you and Mr. Weatherbee might 
 wait downstairs, then, Ella. There s a woman 
 coming with a new dress, and (Lowering voice) 
 and some other articles for me. (Going up L. ) 
 
 ELLA. (Rising and following) Very well. 
 (Exit JANE.) 
 
 ARTHUR. (Quickly. To WILKINS) The young 
 lady has never seen Mr. Putnam, Wilkins. But the 
 old one s his sister. 
 
 WILKINS. I understand, sir. 
 
 ELLA. (Re-appearing) You coming, Arthur? 
 
 ARTHUR. Yes, dear. 
 
 WILKINS. Keep J er ere a few minutes, sir. Mas 
 ter might come and send some word to the old un. 
 
 ARTHUR. (Up L.) Oh, Ella, have you noticed 
 this boot-box in all the rooms? 
 
 ELLA. No. 
 
 ARTHUR. (Displaying box) Man puts his boots 
 in there at night. The porter takes them by an 
 other door in the hall. Man open s this door in the 
 morning there you are clean boots. 
 
 ELLA. Why, how convenient. 
 
 WILKINS. This is a bloomin fine mess for an 
 Earl to be into. (Exit door u. R.) 
 
 ARTHUR. And the clock one in every room in 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 77 
 
 the hotel, run by electricity, and regulated from the 
 office. (Touches connecting wire) 
 
 ELLA. Lovely rooms. 
 
 ARTHUR. Yes, indeed fine corner. 
 
 ELLA. (Crossing to window R. ) That s Fifth 
 Avenue. 
 
 TVRTHUR. (ARTHUR joining ELLA at window, 
 his arm about her waist) Running this way, yes. 
 That s 34th street. Oh, there s 3*our uncle now. 
 (Calls) That s Mr. Putnam, isn t it, Wilkins? 
 (Enter WILKINS door up R. c.) Walking there 
 with the lady. 
 
 WILKINS. (At 2nd window) That s im, sir. 
 
 ELLA. Why, he s with Harriet. 
 
 ARTHUR. Miss Fordyce, yes. 
 
 ELLA. Think of it. (Going to c.) 
 
 ARTHUR. / introduced them. 
 
 ELLA. (Facing him, amazed and amused) You 
 you introduced them? 
 
 ARTHUR. Yes, I introduced them. 
 
 ELLA. (Going and sitting settee) Oh, Ha, ha, 
 ha! (Curls up in laughter on the sofa) 
 
 ARTHUR. What s the matter? 
 
 ELLA. (Trying to control laughter) Matter? 
 (She looks at WILKINS, who smiles knowingly and 
 renews her laughter) 
 
 ARTHUR. (Also looking at WILKINS) What s 
 the joke, Wilkins? 
 
 WILKINS. (c.) Ask the lady, sir. 
 
 ELLA. How long have you been working for my 
 uncle, Mr. Wilkins? 
 
 WILKINS. In is service, Miss? Several years. 
 
 ELLA. He introduced Harriet Fordyce to Uncle 
 Montgomery Putnam this morning. (Laughs 
 again, rising and going up L.) Oh, Arthur ! (Exit, 
 laughing) 
 
 ARTHUR. Wilkins, what the devil was all that 
 (Indicates sofa) about? 
 
78 THE EARL OE PAWTUCKET. 
 
 WILKINS. Well, I suppose the young lady knows 
 them two didn t need much introduction. That s 
 the Earlscourt, Ferris-wheel young woman, sir 
 
 ARTHUR. (Disgusted) Oh, Piffel ! (Comes 
 down R. of table) Why, that s why I introduced 
 them. 
 
 (Enter CARDINGTON L., smiles.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Calls) Wilkins. (Sees ARTHUR) 
 Oh, Arthur! ( Going c.) 
 
 ARTHUR. (Down R. of c.) Better shut that 
 door, Wilkins. 
 
 ( WILKINS moves towards door, hesitates, looking 
 for CARDINGTON S sanction. CARDINGTON re 
 gards WILKINS, WILKINS obeys.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (To ARTHUR) Why? 
 
 ARTHUR. Putnam s sister is going to call on you. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, she be blowed! Leave the 
 door open, Wilkins. It s it s all going along beau 
 tifully, Arthur. (Gives hat, stick and gloves to 
 WILKINS, who places hat on mantel-shelf and 
 hangs cane at the edge) 
 
 ARTHUR. Well, I m glad you like it. Four thou 
 sand dollars to pay to some lawyers and an old lady 
 coming, who ll know you re not her brother, the 
 minute she claps eyes on you. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Easily and proud of himself) I 
 shan t see her, Arthur. (ARTHUR moves over R.) 
 Wilkins, take my coat. (To ARTHUR, while remov 
 ing his coat) Excuse me, old chap, won t you? 
 (ARTHUR moves, going) Don t run away, but I 
 can t lunch in these garments. Miss Fordyce is 
 coming to lunch with with us. ( WILKINS lays 
 coat over back of chair, then takes hat and cane 
 from mantel-piece and exit R. u. E. Much pleased 
 with himself) You must bring your girl. They re 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 79 
 
 friends, you know and you you must chaperone 
 me, don t you see, you jolly old dog, you. (Both 
 hands on ARTHUR S shoulders) 
 
 ARTHUR. But you re my girl s uncle. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Annoyed) Of course I am. I 
 keep forgetting that. Why, that s what she said, 
 when she accepted my invitation. 
 
 ARTHUR. But see here, if you re so punctilious, 
 you can t pretend to give an uncle s consent to our 
 marriage, why do you expect two young ladies to 
 lunch with you privately? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Sitting, settee) I don t. I asked 
 her to fetch her father, dear boy. 
 
 ARTHUR. Oh, you did? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Rising) Of course, I did. She 
 said, if I didn t mind, she d rather have you and 
 Miss what s her name? 
 
 ARTHUR. Miss Seaford? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes said she wouldn t mind com 
 ing with my niece; I felt a guilty beggar, but you d 
 introduced me as the girl s uncle, you know, Arthur. 
 (At table. Re-enter WILKINS) 
 
 ARTHUR. Yes but 
 
 CARDINGTON. (IVith mail) Oh, here s a letter 
 in Putnam s handwriting. 
 
 WILKINS. So his sister said, sir 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Opening letter) His sister? 
 
 ARTHUR. Just left here 
 
 ( WILKINS nods.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh! (Pause) Excuse my read 
 ing it, won t you? 
 
 ARTHUR. I should rather advise you to read it. 
 (Crossing down to armchair L., sits) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (With envelope, sits) Boston 
 been forwarded ! 
 
 WILKINS. Is sister Jane wondered, sir, why you 
 
So THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 was writin to yourself, sir. (Goes up to door at 
 back R. c.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (With letter, smiles) Oh! (To 
 ARTHUR) Yes, it must have perplexed her. 
 (Reads) "Dear Cardington: Have changed my 
 mind about Cairo. Shall go to Monte Carlo in 
 stead. Since leaving you, it has occurred to me 
 that you had better be in possession of my reason 
 for advising you not to visit New York, though it s 
 rather a sore subject with me. I was married for 
 a short time three months in fact (Pause. 
 To ARTHUR) You know, Arthur, I d never have 
 used his name at all, if I d known that 
 
 ARTHUR. Tis a pity, of course, but we must 
 make the best of it now. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Reads) " Three months, in 
 fact (Speaks) You know it isn t as if I d 
 asked him for his damned name. He offered it, 
 you know. 
 
 ARTHUR. (Amused) Well, see what he says. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Reads) " Married for a short 
 time three months, in fact (Speaks) A a 
 and I pay for it ! (Glances at letter, looks up think 
 ing) A thousand dollars. That s two hundred 
 pounds, isn t it? 
 
 ARTHUR. Yes, a trifle more, but 
 
 CARDINGTON. Everything s devilish expensive 
 over heah. (Reads) " Married for a short time." 
 (Speaks) You know, I never went in for that sort 
 of- dissipation myself and why Mr. Putnam 
 
 ARTHUR. (Indicating letter half impatient) 
 He s explaining that. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Reads) " Married for a short 
 time three months, in fact." (Pause. Speaks) 
 You know, Arthur, it isn t so much the money, 
 either. But during our walk, Miss Fordyce ex 
 pressed herself very forcibly about divorced people 
 and I found myself defending them. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 81 
 
 ARTHUR. But why should you? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Exactly, why should I? (Pause) 
 But you see, that s the Cardington habit of mind. 
 The Cardingtons are always profound thinkers, but 
 not not 
 
 ARTHUR. Not superficially alert. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Admiring the phrase) Exactly! 
 (Reads) " Three months in fact. My wife ap 
 plied for a divorce in New York, and got her decree 
 with a considerable allowance for alimony. She 
 was in London when I last saw her, but I fancy if 
 you should go to New York under my name, her 
 attorneys might annoy you." (With a world of 
 irony but no smile) Annoy! Isn t it laughable! 
 (Regards envelope) Boston, when did this come, 
 Wilkins? (Turning to c.) 
 
 WILKINS. (Coming forward) This morning, 
 sir. I brought it to you in the dining-room, sir, 
 when you were talking with the Ferris-wheel young 
 lady. 
 
 CARDINGTON. You ll call her Miss Fordyce, 
 Wilkins. (c. below table) 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. (Exit door back R. c.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (To ARTHUR) Great presence of 
 mind, but no no delicacy. 
 
 ARTHUR. Montgomery Putnam s at Monte 
 Carlo, then? 
 
 CARDINGTON. So he says. (Removing necktie, 
 which he lays on table) 
 
 ARTHUR. You promised to cable him, you know. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Can t you do that for me, old 
 chap ? 
 
 ARTHUR. "(Rising) Yes, if you wish it. 
 
 CARDINGTON. That s a good fellow. 
 
 ARTHUR. What shall I say? (Goes to desk R. 2) 
 
 (Enter WILKINS door R. c., an assortment of scarfs 
 over his arm.) 
 
82 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Why, tell the truth, Arthur, and 
 don t be too modest. Say that I ve known you for 
 many years, and you re a devilish good sort. 
 
 ARTHUR. Thank you very much. (Writes on 
 telegraph blank) 
 
 (WILKINS presents necktie.) 
 CARDINGTON. Give me the white one, Wilkins. 
 
 ( WILKINS hangs scarfs over back of chair. Selects 
 white one and proceeds to tie it on CARDING- 
 TON S collar.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. I say, Arthur, who was that old 
 chap 
 
 ARTHUR. (At desk writing) Which chap? 
 
 CARDINGTON. That old chap who said I d got to 
 leave the hotel, because my wife is heah ? 
 
 ARTHUR. I don t know. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Speaking over WILKIN S head) 
 My a ha my thousand-pound wife. Sounds 
 like a museum poster. 
 
 ARTHUR. His advice was good anyway. I think 
 you should leave the hotel. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Leave the hotel! with Miss 
 Fordyce heah? Rather not she s the sole object 
 of my trip to America. And I shall not leave the 
 hotel, if only to prevent her and (Rises) this Mrs. 
 Putnam coming together. (Approaching and indi 
 cating necktie) How is that tied, Arthur? 
 
 ARTHUR. (Turning and glancing at tie) Per 
 fectly ! 
 
 CARDINGTON. What you deah old boys over 
 heah \vould call a a corkah. Fetch my coat and 
 carnation, Wilkins. (Exit door R. u. c, removing 
 waistcoat as he goes) 
 
 WILKINS. (Exit door u. R. c., follows with coat) 
 Yes, sir. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 83 
 
 ARTHUR. (Calling and ivriting) You don t 
 mind my making you say, " My friend Arthur 
 Weatherbee loves your niece ? " 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Calling) Not at all, Arthur. 
 
 ARTHUR. Thanks. " I advise your consent to 
 their marriage." 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Heard off) Say, " May I give 
 your consent ? " 
 
 ARTHUR. Oh, very good. (Scratches out and 
 repeats in low tone as he writes) " May I give 
 your consent." 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Calling} Got that, Arthur? 
 (Re-appears, displaying with much pride colored 
 waistcoat he has just donned) I say, Arthur, 
 ho\v s that? (ARTHUR looks up smiling) Isn t 
 that the ah the limit? (ARTHUR laughs. Exit 
 CARDINGTON R. u. c.) 
 
 (HARRIET appears L. u.) 
 
 ARTHUR. (Calling) Sign " Cardington." 
 (Turns. Sees HARRIET) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Off) Not at all, Arthur. Sign 
 my initials only. 
 
 HARRIET. (With finger on lips, enters. She car 
 ries copy of Evening Telegram) Come here! 
 (Beckoning; ARTHUR crosses to her) Your friend. 
 (SJwws CARDINGTOX S picture in the paper) 
 
 ARTHUR. Miss Fordyce, there are diplomatic 
 reasons 
 
 HARRIET. Oh, I won t tell, not even him, and I ll 
 hide the picture. (Tears picture from paper) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Off) I say, Arthur, you must 
 make haste and fetch my niece to luncheon my 
 deah niece. 
 
 HARRIET. (Still in undertone) Why did you 
 persuade him to pretend to be Ella s uncle? 
 
 ARTHUR. I ? 
 
84 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Calling} Well, Arthur 
 
 ARTHUR. Oh, yes, I m going at once. 
 
 HARRIET. (Retreating) Not a word. Not a 
 word! (Exit) 
 
 CARDINGTON. It s time, you know, now. (Re- 
 enter, in "swell" attire, followed by WILKINS) 
 
 (ARTHUR (joes down L.) 
 
 (Doorbell is heard.) 
 CARDINGTON. Oh ! 
 
 ( WILKINS crosses L. u. to hall-door. HARRIET re 
 appears, pauses in doorway.) 
 
 HARRIET. Oh, may I come in? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh ! Waiting for you, my dear 
 lady. (Going up to meet HARRIET, taking her hand 
 and coining forward with her) Have you arranged 
 with my niece? 
 
 HARRIET. (Pausing c.) No, I concluded not to 
 come to luncheon, Mr. Putnam, unless your sister, 
 Jane, comes too. 
 
 ( WILKINS, laughing covertly. Exit L.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Disconcerted) Oh, Jane well, 
 really, Miss Fordyce, Jane Mr. Weathebee 
 knows, don t you, Arthur? (Coming down R. of 
 table) Jane s my sister, but the fact is I d rather 
 get acquainted with my niece, without her mother 
 being present. 
 
 HARRIET. Her mother? 
 
 ARTHUR. (Almost ill with it, but trying to help 
 him) Ella s mother was too ill to come, so her 
 Aunt Jane came instead. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh that s it well, I don t think 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 85 
 
 I care to have even Aunt Jane with us. (Crossing 
 to ARTHUR and urging him to go) See if you can t 
 persuade the young lady, Arthur. Miss Fordyce 
 and I will wait for you. 
 
 (ARTHUR starts up to hall-door.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Protesting) Oh, really 
 
 CARDINGTON. (To her) I beg of you (To 
 ARTHUR, giving him a covert push) Go, Arthur. 
 
 (ARTHUR shrugs his shoulders to HARRIET and 
 goes, closing the door after him.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Pretending dismay) W hy did you 
 do that? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Fervently) Because I wanted to 
 have this moment alone with you if our luncheon 
 must be given over. 
 
 HARRIET. But if some one should come, Mr. 
 Putnam, this " moment alone " as you call it, would 
 appear unpardonably indiscreet, to say the least. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Indiscreet what; with Wilkins? 
 (Calls) Wilkins! 
 
 (Enter WILKINS L.) 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Wilkins, I want you to stand at 
 that window and tell me if when it rains. 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. (Takes position at 2nd win 
 dow) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Now, Miss Fordyce, there can be 
 no no inclement weather with Wilkins in the 
 cross-trees. At home, Miss Fordyce (Both R. c. 
 above settee) 
 
 HARRIET. By " home " you mean, Pawtucket ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Did I say home? 
 
 HARRIET. Yes. 
 
86 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 CARDINGTON. I meant London. Most of my 
 things are there at present. 
 
 HARRIET. Oh ! 
 
 CARDINGTON. And in England, you understand, 
 no gentleman places a lady in a compromising po 
 sition without being willing to accept the the 
 
 HARRIET. Why do you hesitate ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, the word " consequences " 
 has been unfortunately distorted into meaning only 
 undesirable results. Ah if your being here in my 
 my apartments should embarrass you, my dear 
 Miss Fordyce, I should be proud and happy to 
 claim the 
 
 HARRIET. The consequences? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Let us say reward. 
 
 HARRIET. Do I understand you correctly? Mr. 
 Putnam? What you are saying sounds very much 
 like (Pause) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Following) Like a declaration. 
 
 HARRIET. (Down R.) Like misguided self- 
 sacrifice. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Don t laugh at me, Miss Fordyce, 
 I feel my entire unworthiness of your consider 
 ation, yet 
 
 HARRIET. I scarcely know you, Mr. Putnam. 
 Of course I ve heard of you from your family, but 
 I find you so different yourself. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Does anyone s family ever really 
 know that one? 
 
 HARRIET. (Steadily) Does one ever really 
 know one s self? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh! (Turning aivay to c.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Approaching) Your point of view 
 about matrimony, as you explained it in the park, 
 seems to have charity for men alone. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Pardon me, I didn t say so. We 
 English (Quickly seeing his mistake) and and 
 Americans regard the sexes as equals. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 87 
 
 HARRIET. (Front of table c.) What: if a 
 woman discovered her mistake too late, after mar 
 riage, let us say 
 
 CARDI NGTOX . ( Sen timentally, in terrupting ) 
 Why do you fear it would be a mistake, Miss 
 Fordyce ? 
 
 HARRIET. (Turning away L.) You are applying 
 my remarks personally, Mr. Putnam I said, a 
 woman. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh ! 
 
 HARRIET. (Facing him) Suppose a woman 
 found herself mistaken after she was married 
 what then ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (At c.) Well, I think she 
 should ask the other fellow to wait until she got a 
 divorce. 
 
 HARRIET. I said nothing of another fellow. 
 
 CARDINGTON. I beg your pardon. (Turns up c. 
 around table) 
 
 HARRIET. (At settee) Would you accord a 
 woman the right to marry a second time ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Above table) Why certainly, 
 unless she were a deceased wife s sister. (HAR 
 RIET, laughing^, sits, settee) Oh, but that doesn t 
 apply, does it? 
 
 HARRIET. W T ould you marry such a woman ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (To settee, bending over her) If 
 I loved her yes. Some day, Miss Fordyce, I hope 
 to tell you how love that one touchstone love 
 love regardless of condition or rank or posses 
 sion, or any consideration but the affinity the per 
 sonality affinity of t\vo people (Prolonged ring 
 of door-bell. HARRIET shows some annoyance 
 rises. WILKINS turns from window) Now, that s 
 Arthur. (Aside, petulantly) I think he might 
 have waited Mr. Weatherbee 
 
 ( WILKINS goes to door.) 
 
88 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 HARRIET. (Retreating R., drawing back) But it 
 may not be Mr. Weatherbee. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Sharply) Careful, Wilkins. 
 
 (WiLKiNS draws portieres, shutting off hallway 
 from view.) 
 
 FORDYCE. (Outside) Mr. Montgomery Put 
 nam? 
 
 HARRIET. (In alarm, going up R. of settee) My 
 father ! 
 
 WILKINS. Is apartment, sir. 
 
 FORDYCE. Mr. Putnam in? 
 
 WILKINS. No, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (At settee, in undertone to HAR 
 RIET) Let me speak to your father do. 
 
 (HARRIET shakes her head.) 
 
 FORDYCE. He came into the hotel fifteen minutes 
 ago. 
 
 WILKINS. Ave you looked into the billiard room 
 for him, sir? 
 
 FORDYCE. No, but I will. (Door is heard to 
 shut. WILKINS draws portieres back) 
 
 WILKINS. E s gone, sir. ( WILKINS crosses 
 to position at window) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Aside, in annoyed undertone) 
 Great presence of mind, but no no delicacy. 
 (Turns to HARRIET) 
 
 HARRIET. I must go, you see. (Crossing to 
 door up L.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Do you fancy he was looking for 
 you? 
 
 HARRIET. I m sure of it you see, someone has 
 told him we were walking together. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Why not? (Interposes) 
 
 HARRIET. (Coming down R. of table) Oh, I 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 89 
 
 came to tell you that your name is in the Telegram 
 first edition, out at noon. 
 
 CARDINGTON. My name? (Coming forward R. 
 of table and joining HARRIET c.) 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, I ve brought it to you. Excuse a 
 torn copy. (Reads paper from which she has torn 
 his picture) " Foul play suspected, Lord Carding- 
 ton, a peer of England, missing. Last seen at 
 Southampton with Mr. Montgomery Putnam." 
 
 CARDINGTON. Dear me, may I look at that? 
 
 HARRIET. Certainly. (Gives CARDINGTON the 
 paper) Did you know Lord Cardington very well ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Looks uneasily at Harriet, mov 
 ing away a few steps) Oh, yes. (Reads) " Lord 
 Cardington and Mr. Putnam were together several 
 days before Lord Cardington was last seen alive." 
 (Speaks) " Seen alive." sounds rather spooky, 
 doesn t it? (Reads) " Mr. Putnam s name was on 
 the cabin list for America. The English authorities 
 think that if found he might throw some light on 
 Lord Cardington s disappearance." Oh! 
 
 HARRIET. (Eagerly) Can you? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes. (Pause) But I won t you 
 kno\v and that s all. Confound these newspaper 
 fellows. (Impatiently flipping paper with his fing 
 ers) 
 
 HARRIET. Where is Lord Cardington ? Tell me ? 
 (Laying her hand on his arm) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Why in in Monte Carlo, but 
 that s not to be known, (lories to take her hand, 
 HARRIET removes it from his arm, moving away a 
 little R.) 
 
 HARRIET. Why not? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Approaching her) Well, it 
 seems so Cardington told me, that there s a trial 
 in the House of Lords. You see, it mentions it 
 heah, Lord Culver s trial 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, I saw that 
 
90 THE EARL OF PAWTUCK^T. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, Cardington so Cardington 
 told me knows all about the case. He doesn t 
 want to sit as a juryman in the matter it s all so 
 jolly blue, you know. 
 
 HARRIET. Blue ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. That is, it s so how shall I say 
 risque that Cardington doesn t even wish to talk 
 about it, so he decided to disappear, you see. 
 
 HARRIET. I see rather than admit anything that 
 would incriminate himself. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Rather than tell on a fellow he 
 likes. Oh, no, Cardington wasn t mixed up in the 
 affair himself. 
 
 HARRIET. So you think ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Turning away L.) So I know, 
 my dear lady. 
 
 HARRIET. (Following to c.) How can you 
 know, Mr. Putnam? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Ah Cardington told me you 
 see. 
 
 HARRIET. (Suppressing a smile) Admitted he 
 was innocent. And is Lord Cardington s word so 
 infallible? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (With dignity) Well, I rather 
 choose to take it, you see. 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, I see; but I asked if Lord Card 
 ington was so completely the soul of honor? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Stroking moustache) Quite the 
 average sort, I should think but ah if you ll 
 pardon me, I m rather keen about having Carding 
 ton right in this particular matter. It s all so jolly 
 blue, you know, and Cardington doesn t go in for 
 the the blue sort of thing ah, I m sure. 
 
 HARRIET. Then this allusion to foul play? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Tommy rot! 
 
 HARRIET. (Turning away R.) I ll tell father so, 
 but I wished you to see the item. When our re 
 porters learn you re in this hotel, you ll be quite 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 91 
 
 busy, I fancy. New York is more enterprising 
 than than Pawtucket. (Going R. of settee and up 
 
 c) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Worried) Oh! (Turns away L.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Casually) I shall watch the Wash 
 ington papers very anxiously to 
 
 CARDINGTON. Washington papers? (Going to 
 her) 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, we are going to Washington for 
 a week s visit. Papa has no house there; we stop 
 at the hotel. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Lighting up) By Jove. (Tosses 
 newspaper on the table) 
 
 HARRIET. What is it? 
 
 CARDINGTON. May I ask the name of the hotel? 
 
 HARRIET. The Willard. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Ah ! (Musing) 
 
 HARRIET. You think of leaving? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, Washington s quite worth 
 while itself, isn t it? 
 
 HARRIET. Oh, quite. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Again wooing) Would you ah 
 would you resent the same hotel? 
 
 HARRIET. No ! 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Earnestly) Thank you. 
 
 HARRIET. It worked very well in Paris, didn t it? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Laughs) By Jove you re an 
 angel. 
 
 HARRIET. Good-bye till Washington. (Turning 
 up L. of table and offering hand) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Taking her hand) Oh, don t go 
 Arthur s sure to come. 
 
 HARRIET. I must, I m dying of hunger 
 
 CARDINGTON. I m a beast not to know it. (Go 
 ing above and L. of HARRIET) Wilkins, isn t lunch 
 ready ? 
 
 WILKINS. Not quite, sir. (Turning from win 
 dow and crossing towards dining-room) 
 
92 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 HARRIET. Good-bye. (Starts off) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Gently interposing) Some of it 
 must be. I can see rolls and butter from here. 
 
 WILKINS Yes, sir. (Exit dining-room L.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Taking her hand and leading her 
 down R. above settee) Now, do have a bit of roll 
 at least. Your first visit to me and we ll break 
 bread together, anyway. I ve an Arab s sentiment 
 about that, if you ll allow me. 
 
 (Enter WILKINS with rolls.) 
 
 HARRIET. Well, then, as a matter of sentiment. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes! (Taking plate from WILK 
 INS and going to table) And make haste with the 
 rest of it. 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir! (Exit L.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Ah open that bottle, Wilkins. 
 
 HARRIET. Oh, no, please don t, Mr. Putnam. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Restrains her with a gesture. 
 HARRIET sits) By Jove, it s awfully jolly this. 
 Even your saying ah ! " please don t " gives - 
 piquancy to it. 
 
 (Bottle pops in room L.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Rising) That s champagne, Mr. 
 Putnam. 
 
 CARDINGTON. So it seems, 
 
 HARRIET. I prefer water. 
 
 CARDINGTON. You shall have water then, but 
 just a sip of the champagne first. (Enter WILKINS 
 L., zvith bottle, filling glasses, which he carries on 
 tray. CARDINGTON takes glasses from tray and 
 hands one to HARRIET) 
 
 HARRIET. Your Arab .superstitions extend to 
 champagne ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Handing the wine) By Jove 
 you are, you know you re an angel. (Taking 
 his own glass) 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 93 
 
 HALLWAITER. (Heard off L.) That s the reason 
 you can t come in here, I tole you. 
 
 (CARDINGTON and WILKINS turn,) 
 
 HARRIET. There s a man! 
 
 WILKINS. The waiter, sir? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Easily) Only the waiter? 
 Never mind. We touch glasses, don t we ? 
 
 HARRIET. (Touching glasses) Glass is a non 
 conductor, I believe, 
 
 ( WILKINS goes behind and puts bottle on table.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. My dear lady, when I look into 
 your eyes, I feel that there is a kind of lightning 
 that disregards even non-conductors. 
 
 HARRIET. But should it disregard canvention? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Will it? Convention, you know., 
 means, literally, " coming together." 
 
 HARRIET. (Leaning away) But not collision. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (In admiration, raising his glass) 
 Hah! By Jove! you are you know you are! 
 (They drink) 
 
 HOOPER. (Off L.) Beg pardon, is this Mn Put 
 nam s room? 
 
 ( WILKINS goes L. quickly, with hand raised t in 
 token of remonstrance.) 
 
 HARRIET. Mr. Hooper! 
 
 HALLWAITER. (Off) Private room, sir. 
 
 HARRIET. (In dismay) He sees us! (Turns 
 up c. CARDINGTON goes to door of dining-room) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Calling) Oh, how are you? 
 (To HARRIET) May I introduce you as my 
 fiancee? (Follows) 
 
 HARRIET. (Quickly) That won t help it. Don t 
 give my name, please. Say say Mrs. Putnam. 
 
94 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Delighted) Mrs. Putnam! 
 (Suddenly depressed) But, I fear I should tell 
 you 
 
 (Enter HOOPER L.) 
 
 HOOPER. Excuse my walking in, but the door 
 was open and 
 
 CARDINGTON. Naturally. (CARDINGTON goes 
 and takes HOOPER S hand, covertly giving him a re 
 sentful look. Turns to HARRIET) Ah my dear, 
 may I present Mr. Hoopah, of Chicago. 
 
 HARRIET. Mr. Hooper. (Crossing and shaking 
 hands) 
 
 HOOPER. Glad to meet you, Mrs. Putnam, and 
 mighty glad, too, that all your little differences ap 
 pear to 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Catching HOOPER by arm and 
 sivinging to L. of table) Have a glass of wine, 
 Hoopah! (HARRIET goes to window, handkerchief 
 to lips, restraining laughter. CARDINGTON pours 
 wine for HOOPER, glances furtively around at HAR 
 RIET. Apart to HOOPER) For God s sake, man, 
 don t come into the bosom of a man s family and 
 and drag out the family skeleton. 
 
 (HARRIET peeps around at them.) 
 
 HOOPER. (Peering around at HARRIET) Oh 
 did I put my foot in it ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Of course you did. She s as sen 
 sitive as as a child about it. 
 
 HOOPER. Well, then, I congratulate you 
 (Lozver tone) It s a good thing for you financi 
 ally, anyway. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Hands wine to HOOPER, speaks 
 before releasing glass, low, but firmly) It s a good 
 thing every way, Hoopah, except as a topic of con- 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 95 
 
 versation. Leave off! (Glares at HOOPER, and 
 then looks anxiously at HARRIET. HARRIET com 
 poses herself and returns) 
 
 HOOPER. She s bracin up. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (To HOOPER) Leave off! (Then 
 to HARRIET) My dear, Mr. Hoopah will take a 
 glass of wine with us (Hands wine to HARRIET) 
 and then he s going immediately. 
 
 HOOPER. Well that is 
 
 HARRIET. But why such haste? 
 
 HOOPER. (To CARDINGTON) Well, you see 
 
 HARRIET. I ve heard so much of Mr. Hooper 
 from my friend, Miss Seaford, Mr. Putnam s niece. 
 
 HOOPER. They re here, you know. 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, I know Won t you sit down? 
 (Indicates chair L. as she sits settee) 
 
 HOOPER. Thanks. (Sits armchair L. Raises 
 glass to HARRIET, drinks, draining glass. CARDING 
 TON stares at him, stroking moustache, resting hand 
 on back of chair L. of table c.) 
 
 HARRIET. (To CARDINGTON) Montgomery! 
 (Louder) Montgomery! 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Starting) Oh beg pardon. 
 
 HARRIET. Mr. Hooper s glass. (CARDINGTON 
 goes, plucks HOOPER S glass and sets it on table. 
 Stands c. HARRIET is biting lip and looking down. 
 CARDINGTON is dazed) New York on vacation? 
 
 HOOPER. Business, entirely; and well alto 
 gether business. I d say the question of the will 
 was business. 
 
 HARRIET. (Assenting) Oh, the Putnam will? 
 
 HOOPER. Yes. 
 
 HARRIET. You mean about Jane? 
 
 HOOPER. (Addressing CARDINGTON) Yes. It 
 seems to me your father evidently meant that Jane 
 should have the benefit of your advice, that s all. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Very likely, but I can t advise 
 
9-5 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 Jane to-day, Hoopah. You tell her so, like a good 
 fellow. 
 
 HOOPER. But, hang it, man, she don t want your 
 advice. Just give me your consent to her marriage. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, you see, Hoopah, I ve known 
 Arthur Weatherbee for some time. Still, when it 
 comes to his marrying Jane ( HOOPER looks up 
 at CARDINGTON, astounded, HARRIET laughs, avert 
 ing face) 
 
 HARRIET. What are you talking about? Mr. 
 Weatherbee doesn t want to marry Jane ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Did I say Jane? Of course I 
 meant Jane s daughter. 
 
 HOOPER. (Loudly) Jane s daughter? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Yes, hang it, Jane s -daughter. 
 Don t bellow at me like that, Hoopah. 
 
 HOOPER. Jane s never been married. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Approaching and shaking finger 
 at HOOPER) Now look here, Hooper, don t you 
 come prying into our family affairs. 
 
 HARRIET. Mr. Hooper, Mr. Putnam means 
 Sarah s daughter, of course. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, didn t I say Sarah s daugh 
 ter? 
 
 HOOPER. No, you said Jane. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, I meant Sarah, of course. 
 (Suddenly brightening) I ve had a telegram from 
 Sarah. Sarah s better. (To HARRIET, sits R. of 
 table, well pleased with himself) 
 
 HOOPER, I suppose you meant Sarah this morn 
 ing, too, when you said Jane. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Of course I did. I rather think I 
 said Sarah this morning. 
 
 HOOPER. Well, say what you mean, man. 
 Sarah s out of it. You consented to her marrying 
 Seaford, and you d never seen Seaford. Now you 
 know me, don t you? 
 
THE FARL OF TAWTUCKKT. 97 
 
 CAKDINGTOX. (Pause) Of course I do. You re 
 Hoopah, the brevvah, from Chicago. 
 
 HOOPER. Well, there. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Then that s all settled, isivt it? 
 (CARDINGTON, rising) Let s have this other glass 
 of wine before you go. (Pouring wine) 
 
 HOOPER. Then you consent to our marriage, do 
 you? 
 
 HARRIET. Why not, Montgomery? (Rising, 
 placing glass on table and going up c.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Troubled, producing memo, 
 book) Well, I -ah- you know, I ll have to cable 
 a a- --chap iu Monte Carlo. I d rather promised 
 Jane to him- and-- 
 
 H COPER. (Rising in a towering rage) You d 
 promised jane -you (Bell rings door up L.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Controlling her laughter) Gentle 
 men ! Gentlemen ! 
 
 (Enter WILKINS L. 2, with bottle, ) 
 
 CARDINGTON. See who it is, Wilkins, 
 
 HARRIET. Admit no one, Wilkins. (Crosses R.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (After a glance at HARRIET) Of 
 course not, Wilkins. 
 
 \VILKINS. (At door, loudly) Oh, Mr. Weather- 
 bee, one moment- - 
 
 ARTHUR. (Off) And Miss Ella Seaford, Mr. 
 Putnam s niece. 
 
 CARDINI,TON. (In doubt) Oh! 
 
 HARRIET. (Abo^ e HOOPER, trying to draw him 
 away) Mr. Hooper and I will go into the dining- 
 room. 
 
 HOOPER. (Reciting) But I want an answer. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Xow, Hoopah, I won t be an 
 noyed with this damned business any more. You ll 
 take your glass of wine and you ll excuse me for 
 die afternoon. 
 
 HOOPER. Damn your wine. You needn t put on 
 
98 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 your blasted English airs with me. You were ready 
 enough to take my security for four thousand dol 
 lars this morning and when I want a little 
 favor 
 
 HARRIET. (Returning and taking his arm) Mr. 
 Hooper, please go, for my sake. (HOOPER comes 
 L. and goes. To CARDINGTON) Good-bye. It was 
 so chivalrous of you to introduce me as Mrs. Put 
 nam a name to which I have no right. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Amused) My dear lady, if I 
 might tell you, you ve quite as much right to it as 
 I have. (Both laugh) Don t go ! Arthur and his 
 girl are here. 
 
 HARRIET. I must, and you must pack up at 
 onceThe Willard Hotel. 
 
 CARDINGTON. By Jove you are an angel. 
 (Bends over her. HARRIET draws back slightly) 
 On your hand. (Kisses her hand. HARRIET goes. 
 CARDINGTON comes down c.) By Jove! She s a 
 girl worth crossing the Atlantic for. What a beg- 
 ger I am to deceive her so. (Smiles warmly) 
 
 WILKINS. Well, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Annoyed) What is it, Wilkins? 
 
 WILKINS. Your niece, sir, and Mr. Weatherbee. 
 She s never seen her uncle, sir. (Meaningly) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Ho, ho! Show them in, Wilkins. 
 
 (Enter ELLA door up L., followed by ARTHUR.) 
 
 ELLA. (Advancing archly) Do you know me? 
 (ARTHUR is above her and signaling) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Of course I know you. You re 
 you re my niece. 
 
 ELLA. Well, won t you kiss me? 
 
 (ARTHUR signals CARDINGTON not to kiss her; 
 comes down L.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Kiss you ha, ha. Why why, 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 99 
 
 what do you think Arthur would say ? Ha, ha ! 
 ELLA. (Turning to ARTHUR) Well, what do 
 
 you say? 
 
 ARTHUR. (Grinning) Well we what can I 
 say? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Rather got him there, haven t we? 
 (ELLA laughs merrily ARTHUR nervously and 
 CARDINGTON inanely) Now now I intend to kiss 
 you. (As ARTHUR signals again) Hang it, Ar 
 thur! I will even if you were not my niece and 
 Arthur was going to marry you don t look like 
 that, Arthur. 
 
 (ELLA turns to look at ARTHUR, who grins.) 
 
 ELLA. Like what? Shouldn t he smile, Uncle 
 Montgomery ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. He might try, my dear and I 
 shall kiss her, Arthur. (To ELLA) And quite as 
 much, my dear, as an old friend of Arthur s, as 
 for any other reason. (Seriously) 
 
 ELLA. (Turns to ARTHUR) There, isn t that 
 nice? I ll kiss him, just for that. (Kisses him, 
 linth enthusiasm) You re a sweet old thing. 
 (Crosses R.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Beaming) Did you hear that, 
 Arthur? She called me a sweet old thing. (AR 
 THUR disgusted. Crossing to ARTHUR) 
 
 ELLA. (Looking about) Where s Harriet? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Harriet? 
 
 ELLA. No pretending, L T ncle Montgomery, Ar 
 thur said she was here and that we were to lunch 
 with her. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh she was here Harriet 
 (Attunes his ear to it) Harriet was here, but she s 
 gone to pack up. 
 
 ELLA. Where s she going? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Washington. 
 
TOO THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 ELLA. (Insinuatingly) And you. Uncle Mont 
 gomery, are you going to Washington, too? 
 
 CARDINGTON. I am, indeed. 
 
 ELLA. Oh, I m. so glad. (Embraces him) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Glad why ? 
 
 ELLA. For Harriet s sake. (Lays her head on 
 his breast, ARTHUR uncomfortable. CARDINGTON 
 filled with satisfaction) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh! (Strokes moustache) 
 
 ELLA. (Looking up) The same hotel? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Beaming) Well, rather! That 
 reminds me Wilkins 
 
 WILKJNS. Yes, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Pack up at once, and book me a 
 compartment for Washington. Come, Arthur, we ll 
 have luncheon now. (Bell rings) To no one, 
 Wilkins. ( WILKINS opens door) 
 
 SEAFORD. (Outside) Mr. Henry Seaford, 
 Cleveland. 
 
 ELLA. Oh, dad come right in, dad. 
 
 (Enter SEA FORD. He comes forward, meeting 
 ELLA and down with her to R. of table.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (In panic) It s all up, Arthur. 
 (Crossing to ARTHUR) 
 
 ARTHUR. Xo, he never saw Mr. Putnam but 
 damn it, keep your hands off the girl. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (His arm over ARTHUR S shoul 
 der) You did it, my boy -you said I was her 
 uncle. 
 
 ELLA. Uncle Montgomery, this ts dad. 
 
 SEAFORD. Knew Ella was here. Didn t stand on 
 ceremony. 
 
 CARDINGTON. How are you. (They shake) 
 We re just going to luncheon. You ll join us, won t 
 you ? 
 
 SEAFORD. Well- 
 
THE KARL OF PAWTUCKET. 101 
 
 JANK. (Outside, as she opens door) Ring, 
 nothing! If Montgomery Putnam (Entering, 
 HOOPER follows) tries to He like that with Hooper, 
 about me where is he? (Looks into bedroom) 
 Montgomery Montgomery Putnam! Where is 
 he? 
 
 HOOPER. There ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Down L. c.) Who s this, Ar 
 thur? 
 
 ARTHUR, (Bursting with suppressed laughter) 
 Jane ! 
 
 JANE. Where? 
 
 HOOPER. Why- there. Are you blind? 
 
 JANE. That man? 
 
 ELLA. Yes, Auntie. (Half embraces CARDING- 
 TON) 
 
 JANE. Why, you re not Montgomery Putnam? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Pardon me! 
 
 JANE. Well, you re not my brother, are you? 
 (Pause) What does this mean? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Not at all, and you re not my sis 
 ter Sarah. I told you there was a mistake some 
 where, Arthur. 
 
 (A confusion of voices follows, made up of the 
 following speeches in concert.) 
 
 ELLA, But, Arthur, you told me that was 
 
 Uncle Montgomery, and he 
 kissed me. (Crosses to ARTHUR) 
 
 JANE, (To HOOPER) You should have 
 
 known Montgomery Putnam ; he 
 lived right next door to you in 
 Pawtucket, 
 
 HOOPER. But I put my name on a lawyer s 
 bond for security for four thou 
 sand dollars. 
 
 SEAFORD. Well, it s only a mistake, and what 
 
102 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 of it? We wanted to come to 
 New York anyway. 
 
 (During the chatter, HARRIET enters at hall-door, 
 sees the confusion and quickly runs out on 
 tiptoe. As voices subside, JANE turns fiercely 
 to CARDINGTON.) 
 
 JANE. Well* 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Pauses and returns JANE S glare) 
 I ve a jolly good mind to tell you something. 
 
 JANE. Well, sir? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (He gets his memo, book) Oh, 
 I ve had a telegram from Sarah. Sarah s better. 
 
 QUICK CURTAIN. 
 
 (On recall, JANE, HOOPER and ARTHUR stand 
 laughing CARDINGTON dazed JANE and 
 HOOPER exeunt, JANE scolding; HOOPER ex 
 plaining. ) 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
 (Second recall, SEAFORD takes ELLA out, she look 
 ing back, grieved SEAFORD puzzled.) 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
 (Third recall, ARTHUR laughing follows the others- 
 out; mockingly waving CARDINGTON from him 
 as CARDINGTON turns for sympathy.) 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
 (Fourth recall, CARDINGTON turns to WILKINS, who 
 goes out up R., shaking his head.) 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 103 
 ACT III. 
 
 SCENE: A corner of the Turkish Coffee Room of 
 the Waldorf -Astoria. Architecture Moorish 
 in style. Walls set obliquely, as in ACT I., from 
 a point off R. c. at 4. One door is in right, 
 and one in left flat at back. A third door 
 is in left at 2. A cosy couch or tent is built 
 up of Persian draperies between the two doors 
 left. A desk is above the couch. Large chairs 
 down right, with tapestry rug-covering, similar 
 chair dozvn left, large ottoman c., tabouret by 
 cosy couch, color of scene to be deep red and 
 maroon. Hanging lamps, desk lamp shaded 
 red, white light behind closed curtains of 
 entrance L. 2, and u. c. 
 
 DISCOVERED: HARRIET writing at desk above 
 door L. 2. Enter SENATOR, followed by 
 FORDYCE. SENATOR places hat on chair c, 
 FORDYCE goes down R. 
 
 FORDYCE. She s writing. 
 
 SENATOR. To him, you think? 
 
 FORDYCE. Yes. 
 
 SENATOR. That s the trouble in dealing with 
 these eastern lawyers. I wanted to arrest him on 
 the contempt charge. Duffield thought it was so 
 much better to get the money from him. 
 
 FORDYCE. Damn the money! 
 
 SENATOR. Certainly. . If we d jugged him, 
 there d been no promenade up the Avenue. 
 
 FORDYCE. That doesn t hurt me like her going 
 into his rooms. I tell you, Senator, I used to have 
 little jealous twinges about her mother when she 
 was alive, utterly groundless, you know, but real at 
 the time. Just as ever}- happily married man must 
 have em, but say they didn t knock me like this 
 this uncertainty about Harriet. 
 
104 TH1-; EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 (HARRIET puts paper in envelope.) 
 
 SENATOR. "What s she doing now? 
 
 FORDYCE. (Looking) Putting it in an envelope. 
 
 (WAITER opens curtains at back, also door L. Stage 
 lights come up.) 
 
 SENATOR. You know, I think I ve been too back 
 ward. I haven t really asked Harriet to be my wife. 
 I ve done a lot of hinting, of course. 
 
 FORDYCE, Well then, ask her. Duffield s waiting 
 to see me, anyway. She s coming now. I ll leave 
 you together. 
 
 SENATOR. (Losing heart) Can t be a mistake, 
 can it? 
 
 FORDYCE. I can t see how. She s excited, of 
 course. Good counter-irritant anyway. 
 
 (HARRIET rises and crosses D. c. SENATOR to L. 
 FORDYCE up R.) 
 
 HARRIET. Finished your business? (HARRIET R. 
 c. down) 
 
 FORDYCE. (With a card in his hand to which he 
 refers} Haven t been to see my man yet, Harriet. 
 You you cause me so much uneasiness, I don t 
 like to let you out of my sight. (Comes doivn c.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Ironically) Thank vou, (L. of 
 
 7 * \ - * \ i 
 
 chair K.) 
 
 FORDYCE. To whom have you been writing? 
 
 HARRIET. (With note) Mr. Montgomery Put 
 nam. 
 
 FORDYCE. Give me that. 
 
 HARRIET. (Easily) Your name Montgomery 
 Putnam? (HARRIET smiles) 
 
 FORDYCE. What have you written to that man? 
 
 HARRIET. (Reads) "*I hear you are in trouble. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 105 
 
 Can I be of any assistance? Father and I leave 
 with Senator Barker in fifteen minutes, but I could 
 persuade them to stay over a train, if you need my 
 help." 
 
 FORDYCE and SENATOR. Oh ! 
 
 HARRIET. " Mrs. Montgomery Putnam." (Fin 
 ishing letter) 
 
 FORDYCE. You signed that name? 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, papa, but I put it in quotation 
 marks, see? 
 
 FORDYCE. No, I don t see. 
 
 HARRIET. (At chair R.) Well, quotation marks 
 mean that one is only quoting. They are what the 
 doctor calls antiseptic. 
 
 FORDYCE. Well, I ask you not to send it. I don t 
 understand this this eccentricity^ Harriet. (Go 
 ing) Senator Barker has something of importance 
 to say to you. I hope you ll give it your serious 
 attention. (Exit L. c.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Looking after FORDYCE) Oh! 
 (Turns) Well, Senator? 
 
 SENATOR. (c.) Harriet (Pause) When 
 you were a little thing of six you used to sit on my 
 knee. 
 
 HARRIET. How precocious ! 
 
 SENATOR. You did whenever I came to the 
 house ; and I d tell you stories. When you got to be 
 about twelve you you quit it and 
 
 HARRIET. Well, I think most girls " quit it " 
 about twelve. 
 
 SENATOR. Yes. 
 
 HARRIET. (Aside) For awhile. 
 
 SENATOR. Pardon ! 
 
 HARRIET. I m listening to you, Senator. (Sit 
 ting on arm of chair R.) 
 
 SENATOR. But we were always good friends. 
 
 HARRIET. The best of friends, Senator. 
 
 SENATOR. And perhaps you don t know it, Har- 
 
106 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 riet, but a girl of twelve, fourteen, fifteen along 
 there and and a man of say forty, thrown con 
 stantly together, why she just does that (Turns 
 his hand as if wrapping something) with his heart. 
 Of course a man of forty s got some upper lip and 
 maybe he doesn t give himself away, but nine times 
 out of ten he s hit. 
 
 HARRIET. But, my dear Senator 
 
 SENATOR. No hear me please. When I 
 heard you were taking up with Putnam you you 
 didn t see much of the Senator, did you? 
 
 HARRIET. No ! 
 
 SENATOR. Because the Senator purposely kept 
 out of the way. That s why. But, Harriet, no hay 
 seed legislature on earth, could have held me up for 
 two hundred thousand dollars if I hadn t wanted 
 the senatorship to lay at the feet of the little girl 
 that used to sit on my knee. 
 
 HARRIET. (Tenderly) But, Senator (Ris 
 ing and going to him) My dear, old, Senator 
 (Pause. Extends both hands) Why do you pain 
 yourself and me by telling me this? 
 
 SENATOR. I want to get direct I want to say, in 
 just so many words, will you be my wife? 
 
 HARRIET. (Shaking her head) I won t do you 
 that injustice. I I won t rob myself of so good a 
 friend. (Turns a few steps D. R.) 
 
 SENATOR. Injustice? 
 
 HARRIET. My heart would be elsewhere. 
 (Business zvith letter) 
 
 SENATOR. Not not with this man you re writ 
 ing to? 
 
 HARRIET. (With note) Yes with this man I m 
 writing to. 
 
 SENATOR. (Breathing heavily in despair) Ha ! 
 ( Turns away and up c. HARRIET crosses L. ) 
 
 (Enter FORDYCE and DUFFIELD L. c.) 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 107 
 
 FORDYCE. Well? (SENATOR shakes his head) 
 Why not? (SENATOR points to HARRIET S note) 
 That man? (SENATOR nods) Is that the truth, 
 Harriet? 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, papa. 
 
 FORDYCE. And you re going to let him pull the 
 wool over your eyes again, are you ? 
 
 HARRIET. (Pause restraining a smile) Well, 
 I shouldn t call it that, and I don t care much for 
 " again." 
 
 FORDYCE. Well, I call it that. He doesn t care 
 that (Snaps his fingers) for you. It s his own 
 pocket, that s all. Do you know this gentleman? 
 (Indicating DUFFIELD, who comes forward) 
 
 HARRIET. (Regarding DUFFIELD) I think I saw 
 the gentleman this morning, but 
 
 FORDYCE. (With check in hand) This is Mr. 
 Duffield of the law firm of Brooks, Fairbank and 
 Brooks. (DUFFIELD bows and turns up, joining 
 SENATOR. HARRIET annoyed) He s just handed 
 me the firm s check for two hundred dollars; your 
 share, after deducting the firm s fee for collection, 
 from a thousand cash, and four thousand security 
 that they squeezed out of Mr. Montgomery Putnam 
 this morning. 
 
 HARRIET. (Hurt and astonished) What! 
 
 FORDYCE. There s the check; and there s the se 
 curity ; signed by Silas Hooper ! 
 
 HARRIET. From Mr. Putnam here! 1 
 
 FORDYCE. Yes. 
 
 HARRIET. This hotel ? Oh ! 
 
 FORDYCE. Exactly. Tell her, Senator. 
 
 SENATOR. (Fate fully) My idea was to arrest 
 him, but 
 
 FORDYCE. (Unable to be quiet) But he bor 
 rowed from two or three friends ; and went down in 
 his jeans for the cash in preference. 
 
 HARRIET. (In shame) Oh! (Covers her face 
 
icS THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 with her hands) Oh! (Sits, armchair L. c. ) 
 
 FORDYCE. (To SENATOR) Tough, yes, but she 
 sees him in his true colors again. 
 
 HARRIET. (Looking up) Oh you idiots. 
 (Change of mood and hysterical laughter, while 
 men exchange dumfounded glances. After laugh 
 ter, rising and crossing R.) I wish that when you 
 gentlemen decide to interfere in my affairs, you d 
 consult me. 
 
 (SENATOR goes D. L.) 
 
 FORDYCE. Why, you always refused to talk about 
 the alimony. 
 
 HARRIET. (Turning. Seriously, to herself) 
 Alimony? I wish I could remember everything I 
 said on that walk this morning. 
 
 (Enter ELLA and ARTHUR R.) 
 
 ELLA. Oh, Harriet, dear, I hear you are going 
 away. 
 
 HARRIET. Yes. 
 
 ELLA. Something awful has happened to us, you 
 know. (Nods to FORDYCE and SENATOR) The 
 man we thought was Uncle Montgomery Putnam 
 isn t Uncle Montgomery at all. 
 
 FORDYCE. What s that? 
 
 ELLA. (TO c.) No, he s some swindler and he 
 has a confederate who pretends to be a lawyer. 
 
 DUFFIELD. What ? 
 
 ELLA. They got four thousand dollars from Mr. 
 Hooper, and 
 
 FORDYCE. (With look at DUFFIELD) Well, see 
 here. (Looks at check and security in his own 
 hands) Here, these belong to you, sir. 
 
 DUFFIELD. (Taking them) But, Mr. For- 
 dyce 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 109 
 
 HARRIET. (To DUFFIELD) You should divide 
 with the Senator, I think. (Turns up smiling, with 
 glance at ARTHUR) 
 
 ELLA. (To FORDYCE) And / saw him and Dad 
 saw him. 
 
 FORDYCE. But, Senator 
 
 SENATOR. (Reassuring FORDYCE) I met Mr. 
 Duffield myself in Brooks, Fairbank s, office. 
 
 (DUFFIELD pantomimes "of course.") 
 
 ELLA. We were in his room as close as you and 
 I. I I touched him. 
 
 HARRIET. And so did the Senator. (Goes up 
 R. of armchair, joining ARTHUR c. ) 
 
 FORDYCE. I guess you re mistaken, my dear. 
 Harriet certainly knows Montgomery Putnam, if 
 anybody does, and 
 
 ELLA. Why, that s what / thought. Harriet and 
 I both saw him in the breakfast room. Didn t we, 
 Harriet? 
 
 HARRIET. Certainly, my dear. 
 
 ELLA. But, Aunt Jane Aunt Jane ought to 
 know too, and she says he s a swindler. 
 
 SENATOR. (Easily) M. Your Aunt Jane 
 " turned him over " pretty thoroughly to me this 
 morning before she met him. Your Aunt Jane, Miss 
 Seaford, strikes me as an old pelican. (Rises, 
 goes up, joining DUFFIELD. They sit, couch L. 
 ELLA goes up R. ) 
 
 HARRIET. Will you excuse Mr. Weatherbee and 
 me a moment? (Comes down with ARTHUR L. c. 
 the others converse up-stage c.) You were there 
 when I went walking with him. 
 
 ARTHUR. (L. c.) Yes! 
 
 HARRIET. What about that that money? 
 
 ARTHUR. (Laughing) That goes with the name, 
 you know; Cardington s never been married any 
 more than you and I have. 
 
no THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 HARRIET. Oh I 
 
 ARTHUR. But, once taking Putnam s name he 
 was in for it, you see. 
 
 HARRIET. Didn t you know he d be " in for it," 
 when you gave him the name ? 
 
 ARTHUR. Why, bless you, Miss Fordyce, / 
 didn t give it to him. 
 
 HARRIET. Who did? 
 
 ARTHUR. Mr. Putnam himself. Lord Carding- 
 ton wanted to come to America to to pardon me, 
 but to find you, Miss Fordyce, and Mr. Putnam, 
 who isn t known very extensively here, thought it 
 might help Lord Cardington if Cardington used his 
 name. 
 
 HARRIET. That s the way it struck Mr. Putnam, 
 
 ARTHUR. Yes. 
 
 HARRIET. Oh 1 
 
 ARTHUR. Cardington knew nothing of Mr. Put 
 nam s marriage until this morning, I assure you. 
 
 HARRIET. (Watching him closely) And now? 
 
 ARTHUR. (Smiling) Well, now, of course, 
 there s the deuce of it. It seems the old hen s here 
 in this hotel. 
 
 HARRIET. Who? (Covers face and turns up c.) 
 
 ARTHUR, The old hen Putnam s wife. (Turns 
 away L., laughing) 
 
 (HARRIET turns up c, covering face.) 
 
 FORDYCE. (Coming down L.) What is this, 
 Harriet? Miss Seaford says the man admitted 
 that he was not Aunt Jane s brother. 
 
 HARRIET. He admitted that? (Coming forward 
 c.) 
 
 ELLA. Yes, indeed, to Dad and me and every 
 body. Said, " you re not my sister," to Jane. 
 
 HARRIET. (To ELLA) Did he admit it willingly, 
 or was he (Pantomimes " pushed ") 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. in 
 
 FORDYCE. /.$ it Putnam? (Pause) Answer me, 
 Harriet ? 
 
 HARRIET. Not the Putnam you mean, papa. 
 Seems to be only a remarkable similarity of name, 
 (Going L.) 
 
 ELLA. But, Harriet, you you said " Oh Ella " 
 like that, the minute he came in the breakfast 
 room this morning, 
 
 HARRIET. (Sitting, ottoman L. c.) I d just been 
 telling you about him, my dear, a gentleman whose 
 name I didn t know. 
 
 ELLA. The man who 
 
 HARRIET. Extinguished me in Paris when my 
 room was in flames. 
 
 FORDYCE. That man? 
 
 HARRIET. (Nodding to ARTHUR) That man 
 and at that time papa thoughtlessly had no fire in 
 surance on me at all. 
 
 FORDYCE. (With check) But he paid this ali 
 mony. Why should he do that? 
 
 ARTHUR. Alimony? 
 
 HARRIET. (Innocently) Why should he climb 
 out of a Ferris wheel? (Indicates check) Simply 
 another gentlemanly attempt to be pleasant to 
 strangers, I suppose. 
 
 ARTHUR. (To HARRIET) Alimony? Did you 
 say alimony to you? 
 
 FORDYCE. Certainly, alimony. 
 
 (ARTHUR looks at HARRIET, who looks down in pre 
 tended demur eness then to ELLA, who smiles 
 pleadingly.) 
 
 ELLA. That s what I meant about your intro 
 ducing them. 
 
 (ARTHUR grins in growing appreciation and looks 
 from one to another of the men, who remain 
 calm, then to ELLA and last to HARRIET.) 
 
H2 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 ARTHUR. (Slowly) Ah (Approaches her. 
 HARRIET rises) 
 
 HARRIET. / am the " old hen." 
 
 ARTHUR. (Seriously apologizing) But, really, 
 now, I naturally supposed 
 
 HARRIET. You didn t truly know? 
 
 ARTHUR. On my word. 
 
 HARRIET. And he? 
 
 ARTHUR. (Grinning again) Ha, ha, ha. Not a 
 glimmer. (Looks about, laughing) Oh, pardon 
 me! Where s a waiter? (Crosses c.) Really, I 
 must order one bottle. (Starts for table) 
 
 HARRIET. No. (To ARTHUR) I drank two 
 glasses with your friend upstairs as a matter of 
 sentiment (Pantomimes slight effect) 
 
 ARTHUR. But one more 
 
 HARRIET. (Shaking head sits armchair L. ) No! 
 (To all) Gentleman, and Ella, dear, this Mr. Put 
 nam whom we all mistook for your uncle has 
 placed me under so many obligations that I m very 
 anxious to spare him any annoyance that I can. He 
 must not be told that I am the the alimony person 
 you promise? (To ARTHUR. ARTHUR nods and 
 grins with introspective appreciation) 
 
 FORDYCE. Then I ll return these 
 
 HARRIET. (Rising and intercepting FORDYCE) 
 Pardon me, papa, Mr. Duffield will return those. 
 (Takes papers) And Fordyce, pere will kindly 
 continue to keep out of the picture. (Goes to DUF 
 FIELD with papers) 
 
 FORDYCE. (Pleased to SENATOR) That s like 
 our old-time Harriet again, eh, Senator? 
 
 (SENATOR nods solemnly.) 
 
 HARRIET. (To whom DUFFIELD has spoken) 
 Mr. Duffield submits that it s rather fortunate, Sen 
 ator, you didn t arrest the gentleman. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 113 
 
 FORDYCE. If you had! (Whistles softly and 
 pantomimes a burnt finger) 
 
 DUFFIELD. I ll telephone our office. (Exit L.) 
 
 HARRIET. (To ARTHUR) We are going to 
 Washington (Consults watch. FORDYCE and 
 SENATOR consult watches) M by a later train, I 
 find. (Crosses R., affectionately patting FORDYCE S 
 hand as she passes him) Will you undertake to 
 deliver this note for me? (Gives note) 
 
 ARTHUR. (Grinning, as he reads the address} 
 Well rather! 
 
 HARRIET. Now? 
 
 ARTHUR. (To ELLA) Excuse me a moment? 
 (ELLA nods ARTHUR exit R. HARRIET joins ELLA 
 at armchair R. c.) 
 
 FORDYCE. But, my dear, the Washington trip 
 was only to escape this man. If it s not our Put 
 nam we don t 
 
 HARRIET. (With resignation) I prefer to go, 
 papa. (Crosses to ELLA) 
 
 FORDYCE. Very well. (Consults watch) 
 
 (Enter SEAFORD door at back R. c. He is excited 
 and carries a paper.) 
 
 SEAFORD. Hello, Fordyce ! Seen the papers ? 
 (HARRIET turns.) 
 
 FORDYCE. What about? Us? 
 
 SENATOR. About you? No? An English Earl, 
 probably murdered, last seen with Montgomery 
 Putnam. Here s the Evening Telegram. (Gives 
 paper) 
 
 FORDYCE. But that s not our Montgomery Put 
 nam, you know. 
 
 HARRIET attentive, circles round at back to c. dur 
 ing SEAFORD S speech. ELLA at chair D. L.) 
 
ii 4 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 SEAFORD. The deuce it isn t. Jane s recognized 
 a handbag she gave her brother in 92. This fel 
 low s carrying it. Probably murdered both of them 
 and taken Putnam s name. (HARRIET up-stag e c. ) 
 The English do that sort of thing now and then. 
 Willard Willard, the actor, did a play in our town 
 about that very thing " John Neely s Double " or 
 something like that. Why, hang it, I read of a 
 murder trial in St. Louis when one Englishman 
 killed another one and put the body into a trunk 
 and then left the trunk with the hotel for his board 
 bill. Yes, sir, why, I wouldn t trust one of em as 
 far as I could sling a barnyard by the gate. 
 (Crosses to door R.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Affecting alarm. Coming down to 
 FORDYCE) Papa ! 
 
 (FORDYCE hands paper ominously to SENATOR.) 
 
 FORDYCE. Harriet met this man in Europe! 
 
 SEAFORD. Where ? Who introduced him to you ? 
 (At door R.) 
 
 FORDYCE. Well nobody wasn t any introduc 
 tion, but 
 
 SEAFORD. There you are! 
 
 SENATOR. (Profoundly) Something should be 
 done. 
 
 SEAFORD. Oh, trust us, for that, soon as we 
 saw this paper. Jane and Hooper are in the tele 
 phone box now, talking to Police Headquarters. A 
 porter just took the fellow s luggage from his 
 room hasn t paid his bill yet. I m watching the 
 desk. 
 
 (HARRIET in pretended grief, covers face with 
 handkerchief. Sits ottoman L. c., suppressing 
 laughter. ) 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 115 
 
 ELLA. (Sympathetically, bending over HARRIET) 
 Harriet, dear ! 
 
 FORDYCE. (L. c. With feeling) Well, by jim- 
 iny, that poor girl has the damndest luck. If there s 
 a no-count shyster within fifty miles you can bet 
 he hooks onto my Harriet. 
 
 (Enter HOOPER and JANE door R. c. back.) 
 
 SEAFORD. Well? (SEAFORD goes up to meet 
 them) 
 
 HOOPER. Sending their best man, chief says. 
 (Crosses door L.) 
 
 JANE. (In great excitement, c.) Ain t it the 
 hand of Providence? This rogue lands here and 
 bang like that his victim s own sister. You d 
 say " impossible " if you read it in a novel. And 
 everything dove- tailing so beautifully. I get a 
 dress, innocently thinking for calls or the theater, 
 just in time to go into court. And look you, the 
 man he swindled Silas Hooper sister s particular 
 friend John Calvin s right everything predes 
 tined. 
 
 (HARRIET rises to c. JANE R. c.) 
 
 SEAFORD. (Nervously) There he is by the 
 news-stand. (At door R. c., looking off R.) 
 
 JANE. (Joining SEAFORD) That s him. (Look 
 ing off R.) 
 
 ELLA. (At door down L., and looking back) 
 That s Arthur speaking to him. 
 
 SENATOR. Coming this way. (Looking over 
 ELLA S shoulder) 
 
 (All are in a flutter to hide.) 
 HARRIET. Leave me with him ! 
 
ri6 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 FORDYCE. No, Harriet. 
 
 HARRIET. I I can detain him. I insist. 
 (Others go) Yes, papa, I insist. 
 SEAFORD. We can be in calling distance. Judge ! 
 
 (Exeunt, all but HARRIET.) 
 
 HARRIET. (Alone) Of course he ll forgive me. 
 (Pause) A man who follows a girl across the At 
 lantic (Pause) But did he? (Sighs pleasantly, 
 moving L. a little) 
 
 (Enter CARDINGTON and ARTHUR door R. CARD- 
 INGTON is dressed to travel; overcoat, tweeds, 
 stick and derby.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (With note. Meets HARRIET c.) 
 Ah my dear Miss Fordyce. I have your delicious 
 note, which Mr. Weatherbee 
 
 HARRIET. Yes we ve missed our train, I find. 
 Can t you make haste and get the next one? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, really 
 
 HARRIET. Or perhaps you had better take a cab 
 and drive to police hadquarters. (Crossing to 
 ARTHUR) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Police ? 
 
 HARRIET. Yes, the unusual similarity of name, 
 your own and that of the brother of Miss Jane 
 Putnam, has induced her to telephone the police. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Annoyed) Oh! 
 
 HARRIET. (R. c.) I want to spare you that an 
 noyance, because I am sure you can explain every 
 thing, Mr. Putnam. / trust you you see. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (L. c.) Thank you. I felt sure 
 you did so when I read the signature you so charm 
 ingly quoted here. (With note) Such a pleasant 
 reminder of the few minutes I was happy enough 
 to have you in my my 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 117 
 
 HARRIET. Your power? 
 
 CARDIXGTON. (With feeling) In my care, my 
 dear lady, as I should love to have you always. 
 
 HARRIET. And you will go at once. 
 
 CARDINGTON. You remember, I called you " My 
 deah " before Hoopah? 
 
 HARRIET. Yes. 
 
 CARDINGTON. I wish the whole world might 
 heah. 
 
 HARRIET. Please go at once. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well really I think I ll get one 
 drink. I ve had no luncheon and you don t 
 mind (Looks about) 
 
 HARRIET. Get your drink on the way, but go. 
 
 CARDINGTON. I am sure to see you in Washing 
 ton to-morrow, but there is some business heah. 
 Mr. Hoopah \vent on my financial bond in in a 
 small matter. I think my departure from the hotel 
 would give him some uneasiness at present and I 
 can t do that you see. But I m sure I can arrange 
 it with Mr. Weatherbee s assistance and then 
 
 HARRIET. But I 
 
 CARDINGTON. I shall feel much more serene, 
 Miss Fordyce, if you are safely on your way. 
 
 HARRIET. (Shaking head) I I can t help feel 
 ing an indirect responsibility for your present diffi 
 culty, Mr. Putnam. (Crossing L. ) And I shall not 
 leave the hotel until you do. (Sitting, armchair L. ) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (In admiration) By Jove 
 
 HARRIET. My father is a man of influence and 
 our friend, Senator Barker, is one of the best law 
 yers in the country. Either will do anything I ask 
 him. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (In fine seriousness) Your in 
 terest is charming May I say more? It is the 
 most graceful compliment I have ever had. I am 
 sure there is no trouble. 
 
 HARRIET. Then I will leave you. (Rising) 
 
n8 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Good-bye. 
 HARRIET. (Offering hand) Au revoir. 
 CARDINGTON. (Taking and bending over her 
 hand) Thank you au revoir! 
 
 (Exit HARRIET door L.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. She didn t read you her note, did 
 she, Arthur? 
 
 ARTHUR. No ! 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Smiling) Some time, with her 
 permission, I ll show it to you. (Gets serious, 
 pockets note) Sit down, Arthur. 
 
 ARTHUR. (At door L., calling) Waiter! 
 
 (Enter WAITER, door L,) 
 
 ARTHUR. Two gin rickeys. 
 
 CARDINGTON. What s that, Arthur? 
 
 ARTHUR. A kind of high-ball. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Sounds Japanese. 
 
 WAITER. Pardon, sir, can t serve anything in 
 this room but coffee. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Disappointed) Oh! I ve had 
 coffee ! 
 
 ARTHUR. Serve in the palm-room. 
 
 CARDINGTON. A word here first, Arthur, while 
 we re alone. 
 
 ARTHUR. (Sits chair L.) That bag in your 
 room really, Putnam s ? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Removing coat, which he places 
 on couch) Yes. When I agreed to take his name 
 I was lamenting the change of initials on my lug 
 gage, and he said " I ve a fairly decent bag with 
 silver letters on it be some help." 
 
 ARTHUR. Did Montgomery Putnam know any 
 thing about (Pause) about the lady? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Miss Fordyce? 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 119 
 
 ARTHUR. Yes. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Smiling ) Well, I pointed her 
 out to him in London and told him I was rather 
 don t you know ? 
 
 ARTHUR. Oh ! 
 
 CARDINGTON. Amused him very much. (Sits 
 ottoman, facing ARTHUR) He said he felt sure I d 
 win her, if she knew who / was but you know my 
 idea about that, Arthur. Told him I should ap 
 proach her incognito, so he said, use his name. 
 
 ARTHUR. M. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Remarkable, isn t it? 
 
 ARTHUR. Very! 
 
 CARDINGTON. Why, I didn t come into this 
 hotel, until yesterday afternoon and it seems a 
 fortnight at least. (Rising to c.) They gave me a 
 very uncomfortable five minutes in my apartments, 
 Hoopah and that father-in-law of yours. 
 
 ARTHUR. Me, too. But suppose we put our 
 selves in their places. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Stroking moustache) I say, Ar 
 thur, did you notice that I stroked my moustache 
 with my left hand during most of the the inter 
 view? 
 
 ARTHUR. Yes. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Because he did lose his temper 
 and to to come clear from here (He holds his 
 hands at his waistline) with one s guard, you 
 know 
 
 ARTHUR. Quite right. 
 
 CARDINGTON. And the the Cardington eye is 
 very prominent anyway, you notice, and, hang it, 
 Miss Fordyce ah I d cut a sorry figure with a 
 a green patch, wouldn t I ? 
 
 ARTHUR. Quite right but I think you d much 
 better stroke your moustache when Aunt Jane s 
 round. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Ah Aunt Jane! I say, Arthur, 
 
120 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 if you do ah marry that girl, you ll live in Lon 
 don, won t you? (Sitting ottoman) 
 
 ARTHUR. I ll try to. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Consults watch. Sitting otto 
 man) Well, now to business, Arthur. The banks 
 are closed, but you ll find me some financier who 
 will not report me to those damn papers and who 
 will will assume the Hoopah obligation and 
 the 
 
 (Enter WILKINS with bag, door L.) 
 
 WILKINS. (Quickly) Beg pardon, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Did you get the brasses, Wilkins? 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir, but there s a chap hout here 
 breakin hopen trunks, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Trunks ? 
 
 WILKINS. The luggage. 
 
 CARDINGTON. My luggage? (Rising and cross 
 ing to WILKINS) 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Look heah, Arthur! (To WILK 
 INS) Breaking them, Wilkins? 
 
 WILKINS. With a coal ammer hand ha bloomin 
 wedge, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. What kind of a person? 
 
 WILKINS. Constable chap, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (To ARTHUR) I say, Arthur, 
 there must be a British consul in the place, isn t 
 there ? 
 
 ARTHUR. I wouldn t make it an international 
 question, my lord. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Cautioning) Careful, Arthur. 
 
 ARTHUR. That s what I mean. If you re ready 
 to abandon your disguise 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Positively) But I m not. 
 Though I think it s more humiliating every minute 
 to be thought one of them. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 121 
 
 ARTHUR. Well, you re rather the offender. It s 
 your deception. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Thank you, Arthur. I was losing 
 my composure. (Smiles) Poor beggahs they 
 don t know they are foreigners, do they? 
 
 ARTHUR. Of course not. 
 
 WILKINS. Any horders, sir? 
 
 CARDINGTON. You tell the fellow, whoever he is, 
 that I shall have him discharged. 
 
 WILKINS, Yes, sir. (Turns away R. toward 
 door) 
 
 CARDINGTON. My personal luggage, Arthur. 
 Just think of it. (Turning away L.) 
 
 (Enter JANE and CRENNAN R.) 
 
 JANE. That s the man with the mustache. 
 
 CRENNAN. (Advancing) Mr. Putnam? 
 
 JANE. (Quickly, as WILKINS is going) Here, 
 stop this one. There s the bag I told you about. 
 
 CRENNAN. Wait you! 
 
 WILKINS. I ll blooming well give you one in the 
 h eye. 
 
 CRENNAN. (Severely) Wait! 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Calmly) Wait, Wilkins. 
 
 CRENNAN. You, Putnam? (c.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Regards GRENNAN in amazement 
 and perplexity) I don t know you, sir. 
 
 CRENNAN. Your name Montgomery Putnam? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Sits, ottoman) Well, suppose I 
 am. 
 
 CRENNAN. Cap n wants to see you. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Captain! \\ hat Captain? 
 
 CRENNAN. Thirtieth Street. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh. (Pause) What s that, Ar 
 thur? 
 
 ARTHUR. (To CRENNAN) Station, isn t it? 
 
122 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 CRENNAN. (Nodding) Oh, he knows, I guess, 
 all right. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Police station? (ARTHUR nods) 
 Oh! (Pause, after a look at CRENNAN) What 
 would you do, Arthur? 
 
 CRENNAN. (Wagging a threatening finger) Do? 
 Why, he d go see ! Same as you will, and no hot 
 air to me. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Disgusted and puzzled too) Hot 
 air! (To ARTHUR, after another look) You know 
 Dickens Charles Dickens couldn t understand 
 them. (After a look at CRENNAN) Most extraor 
 dinary ! 
 
 ARTHUR. You re an officer, of course? (CREN 
 NAN chews and nods) You mind showing your 
 authority ? 
 
 (CRENNAN shows his badge by turning up his 
 lapel) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Ask him upon what complaint, 
 Arthur? 
 
 CRENNAN. Confidence game. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh ! 
 
 CRENNAN. Money under false pretences. 
 
 ARTHUR. But that isn t so, officer. There was 
 no money. 
 
 CARDING ON. (Quickly) You lent me some, 
 Arthur. 
 
 ARTHUR. (To CARDINGTON) But I m not com 
 plaining. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Brilliant exception too. 
 
 ARTHUR. (To CRENNAN) Obtained no money. 
 
 JANE. (Crossing up; calls) Silas, you please 
 see here a moment. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Rising and looking uneasily from 
 door R. c.) I say, Arthur, there are persons look 
 ing in the door. Won t you ask the proprietor if 
 we can t have this room alone? Pay for it. 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 123 
 ARTHUR. Yes. (Exit L. 2) 
 
 (Enter HOOPER R. c.) 
 
 JANE. (Aiding the prosecution} Silas, did this 
 man get any money from you by pretending he was 
 my brother? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Did I, Hoopah? 
 
 HOOPER. Security for four thousand but 
 
 CRENNAN. Security s just the same. 
 
 HOOPER. But Mr. Fordyce just returned that. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Aside) What a girl she is. 
 
 CRENNAN. Complaint goes just the same. 
 
 HOOPER. I withdraw it, because 
 
 CRENNAN. Cause you want to make it busy for 
 me? Well, I ll take him, see? General suspicion. 
 His trunk is full of linen and things with Carding- 
 ton s initials and trade mark on em, and 
 
 (WILKINS sets hand-bag on back of chair and ap 
 proaches belligerently.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Trade mark see here, fellow! 
 (Coming forward) 
 
 CRENNAN. And suspicion s pointed all along to 
 Montgomery Putnam. 
 
 (Enter SEAFORD L. door.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, you prove, will you, that I 
 cm Montgomery Putnam? 
 
 JANE. (Signaling off) I ll prove you pretended 
 to be. 
 
 CRENNAN. That s enough. (Starts to take 
 CARDINGTON) 
 
 WILKINS. You will, (Strikes CRENNAN) will 
 you? 
 
I2 4 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 (JANE screams. Enter FORDYCE, door L.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Wilkins. (Faces CRENNAN and 
 strokes moustache with left hand. SEAFORD and 
 HOOPER seize hold of CRENNAN, who tries to draw 
 gun. FORDYCE joins them, remonstrating with 
 CRENNAN in pantomime) 
 
 CRENNAN. Why, I ll do him resistin an officer I 
 
 SEAFORD. But you don t need a gun. There are 
 ladies present. 
 
 WILKINS. H I d a jolly good mind to give it to 
 im in the luggage room, sir. 
 
 (Enter HARRIET and SENATOR L. Same time ELLA 
 and ARTHUR enter R. c. door.) 
 
 HARRIET. (To CRENNAN) Officer, this is Sen 
 ator Barker United States Senator. (To CARD 
 INGTON) And a great lawyer. 
 
 SENATOR. My friends, let s take things here 
 quietly. 
 
 CRENNAN. (With badge) That s who I am. 
 
 SENATOR. Yes? Well, I ll break you, if you re 
 not careful. (CRENNAN crosses to extreme L. To 
 CARDINGTON) At the lady s request I am acting as 
 your attorney. 
 
 HARRIET. (To CARDINGTON) Forgive me, 
 but 
 
 CARDINGTON. It s a deuced shame to have all 
 this disturbance, Miss Fordyce 
 
 (By this time, FORDYCE is talking to CRENNAN in 
 pantomime, at door L.) 
 
 CRENNAN. (Sullenly) I m from headquarters 
 all right. I m to look into this and fetch in a man 
 called Montgomery Putnam. 
 
 SENATOR, (c., smiling) Does anybody identify 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 125 
 
 this gentleman as Montgomery Putnam? (Pause) 
 
 SEAFORD. (Firmly) Well, Senator, he told me 
 he was. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Did I? 
 
 ELLA. Yes, you did, and you kissed me and 
 
 HARRIET. (Quietly) Oh! 
 
 ARTHUR. Pardon me, Ella, he plainly tried to 
 avoid it. You kissed him 
 
 CARDINGTON. My dear Arthur under an impul 
 sive misapprehension, I m suah. 
 
 SENATOR. (Going up c.) Neither here nor 
 there. No identifications whatever. 
 
 (PAGE BOY outside calling " MONTGOMERY PUT 
 NAM " pause. PAGE enters L.) 
 
 PAGE. Telegram for Montgomery Putnam ! 
 (Pause, as boy crosses telegram in hand) Tele 
 gram for Montgomery Putnam! (Pause) Tele 
 gram for Montgomery Putnam. (Crosses R.) 
 
 CARDINGTON. Boy ! (Pause) Give that to me. 
 
 PAGE. (Goes to CARDINGTON) Are you Mr. 
 Montgomery Putnam, sir? 
 
 CARDINGTON. For me. (Opens message) 
 
 (BoY goes characters variously exclaim. SEN 
 ATOR shrugs hopelessly to HARRIET.) 
 
 CRENNAN. I got to take im, Senator, if we have 
 to call out the reserves to do it. There s an Eng 
 lishman been killed and this man s suspected. 
 That s all. If you want it, I ll make it murder. 
 
 SENATOR. Nonsense. 
 
 SEAFORD. (Excited) But, Senator, you don t 
 understand. Putnam s sister identifies Putnam s 
 own bag in this man s possesion. 
 
 JANE. (Indicating bag) Right there ! 
 
 SEAFORD. Putnam himself also missing. 
 
126 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 SENATOR. (To CARDINGTON) It seems to be up 
 to you. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Well, then, if you ll allow me a 
 moment s reflection. (Pause. HARRIET crosses L. 
 to desk) Wilkins, my bag. (WILKINS hands bag) 
 
 JANE. (Greatly agitated) See see! (Points 
 to bag) 
 
 SENATOR, We re not blind, madame. 
 
 JANE. Not physically no ! 
 
 CARDINGTON. (At chair R., taking letter from 
 bag) Now here s a lettah addressed to me in 
 
 JANE. (Vehemently) That s my brother s 
 handwriting, his own signature in fact. It s ad 
 dressed to himself. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Thank you (To SENATOR) 
 As my attorney (Pause) 
 
 SENATOR. Certainly. 
 
 CARDINGTON. And in the confidence of an attor 
 ney. (SENATOR bows) Will you read Mr. Put 
 nam s letter aloud? (HARRIET sits ottoman) And 
 also kindly omit the name by which he addresses 
 me. (Hands letter) 
 
 SENATOR. (Reading) " My dear 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Quickly) Omitting that 
 
 SENATOR. (Smiling) Surely! (Reading) " So 
 and so. Have changed my mind about Cairo. 
 Shall go to Monte Carlo instead. Since leaving you 
 it has occurred to me that you had better be in 
 possession of my reasons for advising you not to 
 visit New York, though it s rather a sore subject 
 with me. I was married for a short time, three 
 months in fact (Turns leaf of letter) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (To HARRIET. I hadn t received 
 that letter when we were walking really. (HAR 
 RIET nods) 
 
 SENATOR. (Reading) " My wife applied for a 
 divorce in New York and got her decree with a 
 considerable allowance for alimony. She was in 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 127 
 
 London when I last saw her, but I fancy if you 
 should go to New York under my name 
 
 CARDINGTON. Please note that" Under my 
 name." 
 
 SENATOR. (Reading) " Her attorneys might 
 annoy you." 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Remembering the alimony) Ha ! 
 Annoy ! 
 
 SENATOR. " Sincerely yours, Montgomery Put 
 nam." 
 
 CARDINGTON. There ! 
 
 SENATOR. An absolute permission. Perfect. 
 
 JANE. Where is my brother now? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Monte Carlo. This cablegram is 
 from him. 
 
 ARTHUR. (Eagerly) An answer? (Coming 
 forzvard with ELLA) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (To SENATOR) Yes. Will you 
 read it? (SENATOR nods) 
 
 SENATOR. (Reads) " I must decline consent to 
 my niece s marriage. Money is rightly mine as I 
 released equal sum to her mother, although she mar 
 ried against my advice." 
 
 (ELLA puts face on SEAFORD S shoulder.) 
 
 SEAFORD. That s true, Sarah did. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Prompted by the name) Oh, 
 Sarah I ve had a telegram from Sarah. Sarah s 
 better. She says: (Reads) "Tell Ella and Jane 
 not to worry." (Sees ELLA) Oh, and that s Ella. 
 (HARRIET rises and crosses R.) How much is this 
 money in question? (To ARTHUR) 
 
 SEAFORD. Only twenty thousand dollars, but 
 
 CARDINGTON. I shall have great pleasure, Ar 
 thur, in making you a wedding present of that 
 amount you and Miss Ella. She called me a 
 " sweet old thing." (As he crosses over to them 
 
128 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 SENATOR. (Easily) Putnam family satisfied? 
 
 JANE. I m not. Dragged on here from Cleve 
 land 
 
 CARDINGTON. I m sure I shall be very happy to 
 cable for Hoopah, too, I must say his ready as 
 sistance this morning 
 
 CRENNAN. That don t explain my end of it. This 
 dead man s things in your trunk. 
 
 CARDINGTON. I ll explain that, too, if I may have 
 a word with Miss Fordyce and her father alone. 
 (Characters turn to go) You may keep me in 
 sight, officer. Ah, one moment before the wit 
 nesses disperse; Wilkins ! 
 
 WILKINS. Yes, sir. 
 
 CARDINGTON. This officer was doing what he 
 conceieved to be his duty obeying orders. The 
 British Empire, Wilkins, is built upon that spirit. 
 To strike him was a fine expression of loyalty to 
 me, but distinctly unfair to him. You must beg 
 his pardon, Wilkins. 
 
 WILKINS. Pardon, officer. 
 
 CRENNAN. I ll see you later, all right. (Exit 
 L. i) 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Pause CARDINGTON strokes 
 moustache with left hand) Never mind, Wilkins. 
 You ve done your part. And now, if you ll excuse 
 me (To OMNES. All but FORDYCE and HAR 
 RIET start off) Oh, I ll ask Arthur and Senator 
 Barker to remain. (Exeunt all the others) Ah 
 Mr. Fordyce. On three occasions I have met your 
 daughter, ah informally ah I admired her very 
 much indeed. My principal object in coming to 
 America, believe me, was to meet her again. (HAR 
 RIET sits on arm of chair R.) I I really love her. 
 All that I am (Pause) you see (Pause) my 
 only friend in America is Mr. Weatherbee here. 
 I understand that you Americans care very little 
 for family and that sort of thing, so that I now ask 
 
THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 129 
 
 if I can assure you of my respectability and 
 and (To SENATOR) there s a legal word for sub 
 stance 
 
 SENATOR. (Prompting) Solvency? 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Exactly. To FORDYCE) That I 
 may, then, formally approach Miss Fordyce, which 
 to be perfectly frank with you, I have already done 
 at ah, irregular oppohtunities. 
 
 FORDYCE. That s a matter entirely in my daugh 
 ter s hands. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Thank you. (Turns to HARRIET) 
 Then, my dear Miss Fordyce if I can convince 
 you that I m not a bad sort really ah mill you? 
 
 HARRIET. I think we should start evenly. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Ah, that is 
 
 HARRIET. Without deception. I ve known all 
 along that you were not Montgomery Putnam. 
 
 CARDINGTON. But you forgive that? 
 
 HARRIET. Easily. In fact, being Montgomery 
 Putnam would have been the only thing I could not 
 have forgiven. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Really? 
 
 HARRIET. Yes; and I must ask you to forgive 
 me an equal masquerade on my side. I am not 
 Miss Fordyce. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Not Miss Fordyce? 
 
 HARRIET. No I am Mrs. Montgomery Putnam. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh Oh (Brightens} You 
 mean, your charming note to me? (Getting the 
 note} 
 
 HARRIET. That note has my proper signature. 
 I, too, was " married for a short time three 
 months, in fact," and it s " rather a sore subject 
 with me." They were my attorneys who annoyed 
 you this morning but / didn t know that when we 
 were walking. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Mrs. Montgomery Putnam ! 
 (Looks about) Oh and I pointed you out to 
 
130 THE EARL OF PAWTUCKET. 
 
 Mr. Putnam in London. He he knew I was com 
 ing to to see you. Oh 
 
 HARRIET. He has that gentle side. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Do you suppose that was Ameri 
 can humor? 
 
 HARRIET. If any kind. 
 
 CARDINGTON. Oh, well, Miss Fordyce, you really 
 must believe me. I had no intention whatever to 
 embarrass you. Tell me you do believe me? 
 
 HARRIET. I do believe you. 
 
 CARDINGTON. And I have your confidence? 
 
 HARRIET. What do you think ? I ve told you my 
 real name. 
 
 CARDINGTON. And my name, Mr. Fordyce and 
 Senator Barker, is George Wilberforce Feather- 
 stone Godney, Earl of Cardington. 
 
 (HARRIET turns down R.) 
 
 FORDYCE. The Earl of Cardington? 
 
 CARDINGTON. Which at present must be a secret 
 for diplomatic reasons. This paper recounts my 
 disappearance. Excuse a torn copy. (Produces 
 the Evening Telegram) 
 
 HARRIET. (Produces the missing part of it) 
 Here is the rest of it. 
 
 CARDINGTON. With my picture. Oh then you 
 knew? 
 
 HARRIET. When I gave you the paper, not when 
 we were walking. 
 
 CARDINGTON. (Satisfied and happy) Miss 
 Fordyce; this ring bears the Cardington arms. 
 Will you wear it? (He holds ring. HARRIET 
 slowly extends her finger. CARDINGTON puts the 
 ring on her finger. Kisses her hand) 
 
 CURTAIN. 
 
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