UC-NRLF 
 
 B M 37M 
 
 
 Samuel 
 Hopkins 
 Adams 
 
UV>-.r< TV OF 
 C> - :. *. 
 
 SANTA CRUZ 
 
-kable Perk 
 
 " * 
 
 I 
 
O'.'F 
 SANTA CRUZ 
 
The Unspeakable Perk 
 
ALL RIGHT. I 'VE GOT IT. 1 
 
The 
 Unspeakable Perk 
 
 By SAMUEL HOPKINS ADAMS 
 
 With Frontispiece 
 By GEORGE ELLIS WOLFE 
 
 A. L. BURT COMPANY 
 Publishers New York 
 
 Published by arrangement with HOUGHTON, MIFFLIN COMPANY 
 
COPYRIGHT, 1916, BY AINSLRE MAGAZINE COMPANY 
 COPYRIGHT, 1916, BY SAMUEL HOPKINS ADAMS 
 
 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 
 
 Published July iqib 
 
PS 
 
 US 
 Contents 
 
 I. MR. BEETLE MAN ........ I 
 
 II. AT THE KAST ......... 35 
 
 III. THE BETTER PART OF VALOR ..... 54 
 
 IV. TWO ON A MOUNTAIN-SIDE ..... 83 
 
 V. AN UPHOLDER OF TRADITIONS ..... 112 
 
 VI. FORKED TONGUES ........ 139 
 
 VII. "THAT WHICH THY SERVANT is ". . . . 152 
 
 VIII. Los YANKIS ......... 180 
 
 IX. THE BLACK WARNING ....... 196 
 
 X. THE FOLLY OF PERK ....... 212 
 
 XI. PRESTO CHANGE! ........ 240 
 
 XII. THE WOMAN AT THE QUINTA ..... 263 
 
 XIII. LEFT BEHIND ......... 272 
 
 XIV. THE YELLOW FLAG ....... 284 
 
The 
 Unspeakable Perk 
 
 i 
 
 MR. BEETLE MAN 
 
 THE man sat in a niche of the mountain, 
 busily hating the Caribbean Sea. It was 
 quite a contract that he had undertaken, for 
 there was a large expanse of Caribbean Sea in 
 sight to hate; very bhfe, and still, and indifferent 
 to human emotions. However, the young man 
 was a good steadfast hater, and he came there 
 every day to sit in the shade of the overhanging 
 boulder, where there was a little trickle of cool 
 air down the slope and a little trickle of cool 
 water from a crevice beneath the rock, to despise 
 that placid, unimpressionable ocean and all its 
 works and to wish that it would dry up forth- 
 with, so that he might walk back to the blessed 
 United States of America. In good plain Ameri- 
 can, the young man was pretty homesick. 
 
 Two-man's-lengths up the mountain, on the 
 crest of the sturdy hater's rock, the girl sat, 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 loving the Caribbean Sea. Hers, also, was a 
 large contract, and she was much newer to it 
 than was the man to his, for she had only just 
 discovered this vantage-ground by turning ac- 
 cidentally into a side trail quite a private 
 little side trail made by her unsuspected neigh- 
 bor below whence one emerges from a sea 
 of verdure into full view of the sea of azure. 
 For the time, she was content to rest there in 
 the flow of the breeze and feast her eyes on that 
 broad, unending blue which blessedly separated 
 her from the United States of America and cer- 
 tain perplexities and complications comprised 
 therein. Presently she would resume the trail 
 and return to the city of Caracuna, somewhere 
 behind her. That is, she would if she could find 
 it, which was by no means certain. Not that 
 she greatly cared. If she were really lost, they 'd 
 come out and get her. Meantime, all she wished 
 was to rest mind and body in the contemplation 
 of that restful plain of cool sapphire, four thou- 
 sand feet below. 
 
 But there was a spirit of mischief abroad 
 upon that mountain slope. It embodied itself 
 in a puff of wind that stirred gratefully the curls 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 above the girl's brow. Also, it fanned the neck 
 of the watcher below and cunningly moved his 
 hat from his side; not more than a few feet, in- 
 deed, but still far enough to transfer it from the 
 shade into the glaring sun and into the view of 
 the girl above. The owner made no move. If 
 the wind wanted to blow his new panama into 
 some lower treetop, compelling him to throw 
 stones, perhaps to its permanent damage, in or- 
 der to dislodge it, why, that was just one more 
 cause of offense to pin to his indictment of irri- 
 tation against the great island republic of Cara- 
 cuna. Such is the temper one gets into after a 
 year in the tropics. 
 
 Like as peas are panama hats to the eyes of 
 the inexpert; far more like than men who live 
 under them. For the girl, it was a direct 
 inference that this was a hat which she knew 
 intimately; which, indeed, she had rather 
 maliciously eluded, not half an hour before. 
 Therefore, she addressed it familiarly: "Boo!" 
 
 The result of this simple monosyllable ex- 
 ceeded her fondest expectations. There was a 
 sharp exclamation of surprise, followed by a 
 cry that might have meant dismay or wrath or 
 
 3 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 both, as something metallic tinkled and slid, 
 presently coming to a stop beside the hat, 
 where it revealed itself as a pair of enormous, 
 aluminum-mounted brown-green spectacles. 
 After it, on all fours, scrambled the owner. 
 
 Shock number one : It was n't the man at all ! 
 Instead of the black-haired, flanneled, slender 
 Adonis whom the trouble-maker confidently 
 assumed to have been under that hat, she 
 beheld a brownish-clad, stocky figure with a 
 very blond head. 
 
 Shock number two : The figure was groping 
 lamentably and blindly in the undergrowth, 
 and when, for an instant, the face was turned 
 half toward her, she saw that the eyes were 
 squinted tight-closed, with a painful extreme of 
 muscular tension about them. 
 
 Presently one of the ranging hands encoun- 
 tered the spectacles, and settled upon them. 
 With careful touches, it felt them all over. A 
 mild grunt, presumably of satisfaction, made 
 itself heard, and the figure got to its feet. But 
 before the face turned again, the girl had 
 stepped back, out of range. 
 
 Silence, above and below; a silence the long 
 4 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 persistence of which came near to constituting 
 shock number three. What sort of hermit 
 had she intruded upon ? Into what manner of 
 remote Brahministic contemplation had she in- 
 jected that impertinent "Boo!"? Who, what, 
 how, why 
 
 "Say it again." 
 
 The request came from under the rock. Evi- 
 dently the spectacled owner had resumed his 
 original situation. 
 
 "Say what again?" she inquired. 
 
 "Anything," returned the voice, with child- 
 like content. 
 
 "Oh, I I hope you didn't break your 
 glasses." 
 
 "No; you did n't." 
 
 On consideration, she decided to ignore this 
 prompt countering of the pronoun. 
 
 "I thought you were some one else," she 
 observed. 
 
 "Well, so I am, am I not?" 
 
 "So you are what?" 
 
 " Some one else than you thought." 
 
 "Why, yes, I suppose But I meant some 
 one else besides yourself." 
 
 5 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "I only wish I were." 
 
 "Why?" she asked, intrigued by the fervid 
 inflection of the wish. 
 
 "Because then I'd be somewhere else than 
 in this infernal hell-hole of a black-and-tan 
 nursery of revolution, fever, and trouble!" 
 
 "I think it one of the loveliest spots I've 
 ever seen," said she loftily. 
 
 "How long have you been here?" 
 
 "On this rock? Perhaps five minutes." 
 
 "Not on the rock. In Caracuna?" 
 
 "Quite a long time. Nearly a fortnight." 
 
 The commentary on this was s indefinite 
 that she was moved to inquire : 
 
 "Is that a local dialect you're speaking?" 
 
 "No; that was a grunt." 
 
 "I don't think it was a very polite grunt, 
 even as grunts go." 
 
 "Perhaps not. I'm afraid I'm out of the 
 habit." 
 
 "Of grunting? You seem expert enough to 
 satisfy " 
 
 "No; of being polite. I'll apologize if if 
 you'll only go on talking." 
 
 She laughed aloud. 
 
 6 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Or laughing," he amended promptly. "Do 
 it again." 
 
 "One can't laugh to order!" she protested; 
 "or even talk to order. But why do you stay 
 'way out here in the mountains if you're so 
 eager to hear the human voice ? " 
 
 "The human voice be choked! It's your 
 human voiee I want to hear your kind of 
 human voice, I mean." 
 
 "I don't know that my kind of human voice 
 is particularly different from plenty of other 
 human voices," she observed, with an effect 
 of fine impartial judgment. 
 
 "It's widely different from the kind that 
 afflicts the suffering ear in this part of the 
 world. Fourteen months ago I heard the last 
 American girl speak the last American-girl 
 language that's come within reach of me. Oh, 
 no, there was one, since, but she rasped 
 like a rheumatic phonograph and had brick- 
 colored freckles. Have you got brick-colored 
 freckles?" 
 
 "Stand up and see." 
 
 "No, sir! that is, ma'am. Too much risk." 
 
 "Risk! Of what?" 
 
 7 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Freckles. I don't like freckles. Not on your 
 voice, anyway." 
 
 "On my voice? Are you " 
 
 "Of course I am a little. Any one is who 
 stays down here more than a year. But that 
 about the voice and the freckles was sane 
 enough. What I'm trying to say and you 
 might know it without a diagram is that, 
 from your voice, you ought to be all that a man 
 dreams of when well, when he has n't seen a 
 real American girl for an eternity. Now I can 
 sit here and dream of you as the loveliest prin- 
 cess that ever came and went and left a mem- 
 ory of gold and blue in the heart of " 
 
 "I'm not gold and blue!" 
 
 "Of course you're not. But your speech is. 
 I '11 be wise, and content myself with that. One 
 look might pull down, in irrevocable ruin, all 
 the lovely fabric of my dream. By the way, 
 are you a Cookie?" 
 
 "Kwhat?" 
 
 "Cookie. Tourist. No, of course you're 
 not. No tour would be imbecile enough to 
 touch here. The question is: How did you get 
 here?" 
 
 8 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Ah, that's my secret." 
 
 "Or, rather, are you here at all? Perhaps 
 you're just a figment of the overstrained ear. 
 And if I undertook to look, there would n't be 
 anything there at all." 
 
 "Of course, if you don't believe in me, I '11 fly 
 away on a sunbeam." 
 
 "Oh, please! Don't say that! I'm doing my 
 best." 
 
 So panic-stricken was the appeal that she 
 laughed again, in spite of herself. 
 
 "Ah, that's better! Now, come, be honest 
 with me. You're not pretty, are you?" 
 
 "Me? I'm as lovely as the dawn." 
 
 "So far, so good. And have you got long 
 golden that is to say, silken hair that floats 
 almost to your knees?" 
 
 "Certainly," she replied, with spirit. 
 
 "Is it plentiful enough so that you could 
 spare a little?" 
 
 "Are you asking me for a lock of my hair?" 
 she queried, on a note of mirth. " For a stranger, 
 you go fast." 
 
 "No; oh, no!" he protested. "Nothing so 
 familiar. I'm offering you a bribe for conver- 
 
 9 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 sation at the price of, say, five hairs, if you can 
 sacrifice so many." 
 
 "It sounds delightfully like voodoo," she 
 observed. "What must I do with them?" 
 
 "First, catch your hair. Well up toward the 
 head, please. Now pull it out. One, two, three 
 yank!" 
 
 "Ouch!" said the voice above. 
 
 "Do it again. Now have you got two?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Knot them together." 
 
 There was a period of silence. 
 
 "It's very difficult," complained the girl. 
 
 "Because you're doing it in silence. There 
 must be sprightly conversation or the charm 
 won't work. Talk!" - 
 
 "What about?" 
 
 "Tell me who you thought I was when you 
 said, 'Boo!' at me." 
 
 "A goose." 
 
 "A a goose ! Why what " 
 
 "Doesn't one proverbially say 'Boo!' to a 
 goose?" she remarked demurely. 
 
 "If one has the courage. Now, I have n't. 
 I'm shy." 
 
 10 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Shy! You?" Again the delicious trill of 
 her mirth rang in his ears. "I should imagine 
 that to be the least of your troubles." 
 
 "No! Truly." There was real and anxious 
 earnestness in his assurance. "It's because I 
 don't see you. If I were face to face with you, 
 I 'd stammer and get red and make a regular 
 imbecile of myself. Another reason why I stick 
 down here and decline to yield to tempta- 
 tion." 
 
 "O wise young man! Are you young? 
 Ouch!" 
 
 "Reasonably. Was that the last hair?" 
 
 "Positively! I'm scalped. You're a red 
 Indian." 
 
 "Tie it on. Now, fasten a hairpin on the end 
 and let it down. All right. I've got it. Wait!" 
 The fragile line of communication twitched 
 for a moment. "Haul, now. Gently!" 
 
 Up came the thread, and, as its burden rose 
 over the face of the rock, the girl gave a little 
 cry of delight: 
 
 "How exquisite! Orchids, are n't they?" 
 
 "Yes, the golden-brown bee orchid. Just 
 your coloring." 
 
 ii 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "So it is. How do you know?" she asked, 
 startled. 
 
 "From the hair. And your eyes have gold 
 flashes in the brown when the sun touches 
 diem." 
 
 "Your wits are your eyes. But where do you 
 get such orchids?" 
 
 "From my little private garden underneath 
 the rock." 
 
 "Life will be a dull and dreary round unless 
 I see that garden." 
 
 "No! I say! Wait! Really, now, Mies 
 er " There was panic in the protest. 
 
 "Oh, don't be afraid. I 'm only playing with 
 your fears. One look at you as you chased your 
 absurd spectacles was enough to satisfy my 
 curiosity. Go in peace, startled fawn that you 
 are." 
 
 "Go nothing! I'm not going. Neither are 
 you, I hope, until you've told me lots more 
 about yourself." 
 
 "All that for a spray of orchids?" 
 
 "But they are quite rare ones." 
 
 "And very lovely." 
 
 The girl mused, and a sudden impulse seized 
 12 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 her to take the unseen acquaintance at his 
 word and free her mind as she had not been 
 able to do to any living soul for long weeks. 
 She pondered over it. 
 
 "You are n't getting ready to go?" he cried, 
 alarmed at her long silence. 
 
 "No; I'm thinking." 
 
 "Please think aloud." 
 
 " I was thinking suppose I did." 
 
 There was so much of weighty consideration 
 in her accents that the other fear again beset 
 him. 
 
 " Did what ? Not come down from the rock ? " 
 
 "Be calm. I should n't want to face you any 
 more than you want to face me, if I decided to 
 do it." 
 
 "Go on," he encouraged. "It sounds most 
 promising." 
 
 "More than that. It's fairly thrilling. It's 
 the awful secret of my life that I 'm considering 
 laying bare to you, just like a dime novel. Are 
 you discreet?" 
 
 "As the eternal rocks. Prescribe any form 
 of oath and I'll take it." 
 
 "I'm feeling just irresponsible enough to 
 13 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 venture. Now, if I knew you, of course I 
 could n't. But as I shall never set eyes on you 
 again I never shall, shall I?" 
 
 "Not unless you creep up on me unawares." 
 
 "Then I '11 unburden my overweighted heart, 
 and you can be my augur and advise me with 
 supernatural wisdom. Are you up to that?" 
 
 "Try me." 
 
 "I will. But, remember: this means truly 
 that we are never to meet. And if you ever do 
 meet me and recognize my voice, you must go 
 away at once." 
 
 "Agreed," he said cheerfully, just a bit too 
 cheerfully to be flattering. 
 
 "Very well, then. I'm a runaway." 
 
 "From where?" 
 
 "Home." 
 
 "Naturally. Where's home?" 
 
 "Utica, New York," she specified. 
 
 "U.S.A.," he concluded, with a sigh. "What 
 did you run away from?" 
 
 "Trouble." 
 
 "Does any one ever run away from anything 
 else?" he inquired philosophically. "What 
 particular brand?" 
 
 14 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Three men," she said dolorously. "All after 
 poor little me. They all thought I ought to 
 marry them, and everybody else seemed to 
 think so, too " 
 
 "Go slow! Did you say Utica or Utah?" 
 "Everybody thought I ought to marry one 
 or the other of 'em, I mean. If I could have 
 married them all, now, it might have been 
 easier, for I like them ever so much. But how 
 could I make up my mind? So I just seized 
 papa around the neck and ran away with him 
 down here." 
 
 "Why here, of all places on earth?" 
 "Oh, he's interested in some mines and con- 
 cessions and things. It's very beautiful, but 
 I almost wish I'd stayed at home and married 
 Bobby." 
 
 "Which is Bobby?" 
 
 "He's one of the home boys. We've grown 
 up together, and I'm so fond of him. Only it's 
 more the brother-and-sister sort of thing, if 
 he 'diet it be." 
 
 "Check off No. I. What's No. 2?" 
 "Lots older. Mr. Thomas Murray Smith is 
 an unspoiled millionaire. If he were n't so 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 serious and quite so dangerously near forty 
 well, I don't know." 
 
 "Have you kept No. 3 for the last because 
 he's the best?" 
 
 "No-o-o-o. Because he's the nearest. He 
 followed me down. You can see his name in 
 all its luster on the Hotel Kast register, when 
 you get back to the city Preston Fairfax 
 Fitzhugh Carroll, at your service." 
 
 "Sounds Southern," commented the man 
 below. 
 
 "Southern! He's more Southern than the 
 South Pole. His ancestors fought all the wars 
 and owned all the negroes he calls them 
 ' niggers ' and married into all the first fami- 
 lies of Virginia, and all that sort of thing. He 
 must quite hate himself, poor Fitz, for falling 
 in love with a little Yankee like me. In fact, 
 that's why I made him do it." 
 
 "And now you wish he had n't?" 
 
 "Oh well I don't know. He's awfully 
 good-looking and gallant and devoted and all 
 that. Only he 's such a prickly sort of person. 
 I 'd have to spend the rest of my life keeping 
 him and his pride out of trouble. And I Ve no 
 
 16 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 taste for diplomacy. Why, only last week he 
 declined to dine with the President of the Re- 
 public because some one said that his excel- 
 lency had a touch of the tar brush." 
 
 "He'd better get out of this country before 
 that gets back to headquarters." 
 
 "If he thought there was danger, he'd stay 
 forever. I don't suppose Fitz is afraid of any- 
 thing on earth. Except perhaps of me," she 
 added afterthoughtfully. 
 
 "Young woman, you're a shameless flirt!" 
 accused the invisible one in stern tones. 
 
 " If I am, it is n't going to hurt you. Besides, 
 I 'm not. And, anyway, who are you to judge 
 me? You're not here as a judge; you're an 
 augur. Now, go on and aug." 
 
 "Aug?" repeated the other hesitantly. 
 
 "Certainly. Do an augury. Tell me which." 
 
 "Oh! As for that, it's easy. None." 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 "Because I much prefer to think of you, 
 when you are gone, as unmarried. It's more 
 in character with your voice." 
 
 "Well, of all the selfish pigs! Condemned to 
 be an old maid, in order not to spoil an ideal ! 
 
 17 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Perhaps you'd like to enter the lists yourself," 
 she taunted. 
 
 "Good Heavens, no!" he cried in the most 
 unflattering alarm. "It is n't in my line I 
 mean I have n't time for that sort of thing. 
 I'm a very busy man." 
 
 "You look it! Or you did look it, scrambling 
 about like a doodle bug after your absurd 
 spectacles." 
 
 "There is no such insect as a doodle bug." 
 
 "Is n't there? How do you know? Are you 
 personally acquainted with all the insect fami- 
 lies?" 
 
 "Certainly. That's my business. I'm a 
 scientist." 
 
 "Oh, gracious! And I've appealed to you 
 in a matter of sentiment! I might better have 
 stuck to Fitz. Poor Fitz! I wonder if he's lost." 
 
 "Why should he be lost?" 
 
 "Because I lost him. Back there on the trail. 
 Purposely. I sent him for water and then 
 I skipped." 
 
 "Oh-h-h! Then he's the goose." 
 
 "Goose! Preston Fairfax Fitz " 
 
 " Yes, the goose you said ' Boo ! ' to, you know.' ' 
 18 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Of course. You did n't steal his hat, did 
 you?" 
 
 "No. It's my own hat. Why did you run 
 away from him?" 
 
 "He bored me. When people bore me, I 
 always run away. I'm beginning to feel quite 
 fugitive this very minute." 
 
 There was silence below, a silence that 
 piqued the girl. 
 
 "Well," she challenged, "have n't you any- 
 thing to say before the court passes sentence 
 of abandonment to your fate ? " 
 
 "I'm thinking frantically. But the 
 thoughts are n't girl thoughts. I mean, they 
 would n't interest you. I might tell you about 
 some of my insects," he added hopefully. 
 
 "Heaven forbid!" 
 
 "They're very interesting." 
 
 "No. You're worthless as an augur, and a 
 flat failure as a conversationalist, when thrown 
 on your own resources. So I shall shake the dust 
 from my feet and depart." 
 
 "Good-bye!" he said desolately. "And thank 
 you." 
 
 "For what?" 
 
 19 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "For making music in my desert." 
 
 "That's much better," she approved. "But 
 you Ve paid your score with the orchids. If you 
 have one or two more pretty speeches like that 
 in stock, I might linger for a while." 
 
 "I'm afraid I'm all out of those," he re- 
 turned. "But," he added desperately, "there's 
 the hexagonal scarab beetle. He's awfully 
 queer and of much older family even than Mr. 
 Fitzwhizzle's. It is the hexagonal scarab's 
 habit when dis " 
 
 "We have an encyclopaedia of our own at 
 home," she interrupted coldly. " I did n't climb 
 this mountain to talk about beetles." 
 
 "Well, I'll talk some more about you, if 
 you'll give me a little time to think." 
 
 "I think you are very impertinent. I don't 
 wish to talk about myself. Just because I asked 
 your advice in my difficulties, you assume that 
 I'm a little egoist " 
 
 "Oh, please don't" 
 
 "Don't interrupt. I 'm very much offended, 
 and I'm glad we are never going to meet. 
 Just as I was beginning to like you, too," she 
 added, with malice. "Good-bye!" 
 
 20 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Good-bye," he answered mournfully. 
 But his attentive ears failed to discern the 
 sound of departing footsteps. The breeze whis- 
 pered in the tree-tops. A sulphur-yellow bird, 
 of French extraction, perched in a flowering 
 bush, insistently demanded: "Qu'est-ce qu'il 
 dit? Qu'est-ce qu'il dit?" What's he say? 
 WhoCs he say? over and over again, becom- 
 ing quite wrathful because neither he nor any 
 one else offered the slightest reply or explana- 
 tion. The girl sympathized with the bird. If the 
 particular he whose blond top she could barely 
 see by peeping over the rock would only say 
 something, matters would be easier for her. 
 But he did n't. So presently, in a voice of sus- 
 piciously saccharine meekness, she said : 
 "Please, Mr. Beetle Man, I'm lost." 
 "No, you're not," he said reassuringly. 
 "You're not a quarter of a mile from the 
 Puerto del Norte Road." 
 
 "But I don't know which direction " 
 "Perfectly simple. Keep on over the top 
 of the rock; turn left down the slope, right up 
 the dry stream bed to a dead tree; bear right 
 past " 
 
 21 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "That's too many turns. I never could re- 
 member more than two." 
 
 "Now, listen," he said persuasively. "lean 
 make it quite plain to you if " 
 
 "I don't wish to listen! I'll never find it." 
 
 "I'll toss you up my compass." 
 
 "I don't want your compass," she said 
 firmly. 
 
 A long patient sigh exhaled from below. 
 
 "Do you want me to guide you?" 
 
 "No," she retorted, and was instantly panic- 
 stricken, for the monosyllable was of that accent 
 which sets fire to bridges and burns them beyond 
 hope of return. 
 
 Slowly she got to her feet. Perhaps she would 
 have dared and gone; perhaps she would have 
 swallowed pride and her negative, and made 
 one more appeal. She turned hesitantly and 
 saw the devil. 
 
 It was a small devil on stilts, not more than 
 three or four inches tall, but there was no mis- 
 taking his identity. No other living thing could 
 possess such demoniac little red-hot pin points 
 of eyes, or be so bristly and grisly and vicious. 
 The stilts suddenly folded flat, and the devil 
 
 22 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 rushed upon his prey. The girl stepped back; 
 her foot turned and caught, and 
 
 "Of course," the patient voice below was say- 
 ing, "if you really think that you could n't find 
 the road, I could draw you a map and send it 
 up by the hair route. But I really think " 
 
 "Slump!" 
 
 The rock had turned over on his unprotected 
 head and flattened him out forever. Such was 
 his first thought. When he finally collected 
 himself, his eyeglasses, and his senses, he sus- 
 tained a second shock more violent than the 
 first. 
 
 Two paces away, the Voice, duly and most 
 appropriately embodied, sat half-facing him. 
 The Voice's eyes confirmed his worst suspicions, 
 and, dazed though they were at the moment, 
 there were deep lights in them that wholly dis- 
 ordered his mental mechanism. Nor were her 
 first words such as to restore his deranged fac- 
 ulties. 
 
 "Oh-h! Aren't you gogglesome!" she cried 
 dizzily. 
 
 He raised his hands to the huge brown spec- 
 tacles. 
 
 23 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Wh-wh-what did you come down for?" he 
 babbled. There was a distinct note of accusa- 
 tion in the query. 
 
 " Comedown! I fell!" 
 
 "Yes, yes; that may be true " 
 
 "Of course, it is true. I I I see it's true. 
 I 'm awfully sorry." 
 
 "Sorry? What for?" 
 
 "That you came. That you fell, I mean to 
 say. I I I don't really know what I 
 mean to say." 
 
 "No wonder, poor boy! I landed right on 
 you, did n't I?" 
 
 "Did you? Something did. I thought it was 
 the mountain." 
 
 "You are n't very complimentary," she 
 pouted. "But there! I dare say I knocked 
 your thoughts all to bits." 
 
 "No; not at all. Certainly, I mean. It 
 does n't matter. See here," he said, with an 
 injured sharpness of inquiry born of his own 
 exasperation at his verbal fumbling, "you said 
 you would n't, and here you are. I ask you, is 
 that fair and honorable?" 
 
 24 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Well, if it comes to that," she countered, 
 "you promised that you'd never speak to me 
 if you saw me, and here you are telling me that 
 you don't want me around the place at all. It's 
 very rude and inhospitable, I consider." 
 
 "I can't help it," he said miserably. "I'm 
 afraid." 
 
 "You don't look it. You look disagreeable." 
 
 "As long as you stayed where you belonged 
 Excuse me I don't mean to be impolite 
 but I I You see as long as you were 
 just a voice, I could manage all right, but now 
 that you are er er you " His speech 
 trailed off lamentably into meaningless stutter- 
 ings. 
 
 The girl turned amazed and amused eyes 
 upon him. 
 
 "What on earth ails the poor man?" she 
 inquired of all creation. 
 
 "I told you. I I'm shy." 
 
 "Not really! I thought it was a joke." 
 
 "Qu'est-ce qu'il dit ? Qu'est-ce qu'il dit ? " 
 demanded the yellow-breasted inquisitor, from 
 his flowery perch. 
 
 "What does he say? He says he's shy. P@r 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 pooer young, helpless thing!" And her laughter 
 put to shame a palm thrush who was giving 
 what he had up to that moment considered a 
 highly creditable musical performance. 
 
 "All right!" he retorted warmly. "Laugh 
 if you want to ! But after stipulating that we 
 should be strangers, to to act this way 
 well, I think it's it's forward. That's 
 what I think it is." 
 
 "Do you, indeed? Perhaps you think it's 
 pleasant for me, after I 've opened my heart to 
 a stranger, to have him forced on me as an 
 acquaintance!" 
 
 From the depths of those limpid eyes welled 
 up a little film of vexation. 
 
 "OLord! Don't do that! "he implored. "I 
 did n't mean I'm a bear a pig a a 
 a scarab I 'm anything you choose. Only 
 don't do that!" 
 
 "I'm not doing anything." 
 
 "Of course you're not. That's fine! As for 
 your secrets, I dare say I would n't know you 
 again if I saw you." 
 
 "Oh, would n't you?" she cried in quite an- 
 other tone. 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Quite likely not. These glasses, you see. 
 They make things look quite queer." 
 
 "Or if you heard me?" she challenged. 
 
 "Ah, well, that's different. But I forget quite 
 easily even things like voices." 
 
 She leaned forward, her hands in her lap, 
 her eyes upon the goggled face before her. 
 
 "Then take them off." 
 
 "What? My glasses?" 
 
 "Take them off!" 
 
 "Wh-wh-why should I?" 
 
 "So that you can see me better." 
 
 "I don't want to see you better." 
 
 "Yes, you do. I'm much more interesting 
 than a scarab." 
 
 "But I know about scarabs and I don't know 
 about about " 
 
 "Girls. S one might suspect. Do you know 
 what I'm doing, Mr. Beetle Man?" 
 
 >"N-n-no." 
 
 "I'm flirting with you. I never flirted with 
 a scientific person before. It's awfully one- 
 sided, difficult, uphill work." 
 
 This last was all but drowned out in his flood 
 of panicky instructions, from which she dis- 
 
 27 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 entangled such phrases as "first to left" 
 "dry river-bed-hundred-yards" "dead tree 
 
 can't miss it." 
 
 "If you send me away now, I'll cry. Really, 
 truly cry, this time." 
 
 "No, you won't! I mean I won't! I I'll 
 do anything! I '11 talk! I '11 make conversation! 
 How old are you? That's what the Chinese 
 ask. I used to have a Chinese cook, but he lost 
 all my shirt studs, playing fan-tan. Can you 
 play fan-tan? Two can't play, though. They 
 have funny cards in this country, like the 
 Spanish. Have you seen a bullfight yet? Don't 
 do it. It's dull and brutal. The bull has no 
 more chance than than " 
 
 "Than an unprotected man with a con- 
 scienceless flirt, who falls on his neck and then 
 threatens to submerge him in tears." 
 
 "Now you're beginning again!" he wailed. 
 "What did you jump for, anyway?" 
 
 "I slipped. An awful, red-eyed, scrambly 
 fiend scared me a real, live, hairy devilkin 
 on stilts. He ran at me across the rock. Was 
 that one of your pet scarabs, Mr. Beetle 
 Man?" 
 
 28 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "That was a tarantula, I suppose, from the 
 description." 
 
 "They're deadly, are n't they?" 
 
 "Of course not. Unscientific nonsense. I'll 
 go up and chase him oif ." 
 
 "Flying from perils that you know not of to 
 more familiar dangers?" she taunted. 
 
 "Well, you see, with the tarantula out of the 
 way, there's no reason why you shouldn't 
 er " 
 
 "Go, and leave you in peace? What do you 
 think of that for gallantry, Birdie?" 
 
 The gay-feathered inquisitor had come quite 
 near. 
 
 "Qu'est-ce qu'il dit?" he queried, cocking 
 his curious head. 
 
 "He says he does n't like me one little, wee, 
 teeny bit, and he wishes I 'd go home and stay 
 there. And so I 'm going, with my poor little 
 feelings all hurted and ruffled up like anything." 
 
 "Nothing of the sort," protested the badgered 
 spectacle-wearer. 
 
 "Then why such unseemly haste to make 
 my path clear?" 
 
 "I just thought that maybe you'd go back 
 29 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 on the top of the rock, where you came from, 
 and and be a voice again. If you won't go, 
 I will." 
 
 He made three jumps of it up the boulder, 
 bearing a stick in his hand. Presently his face, 
 preternaturally solemn and gnomish behind the 
 goggles, protruded over the rim. The girl was 
 sitting with her hands folded in her lap, con- 
 templating the scenery as if she'd never had 
 another interest in her life. Apparently she had 
 forgotten his very existence. 
 
 "Ahem!" he began nervously. 
 
 "Ahem!" she retorted so promptly that he 
 almost fell off his precarious perch. "Did you 
 ring? Number, please." 
 
 "I wish I knew whether you were laughing 
 at me or not," he said ruefully. 
 
 "When?" 
 
 "All the time." 
 
 "I am. Your darkest suspicions are correct. 
 Did you abolish my devilkin?" 
 
 "I drove him back into his trapdoor home 
 and put a rock over it." 
 
 "Why did n't you destroy him?" 
 
 " Because I 've appointed him guardian of the 
 30 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 rock, with strict instructions to bite any one 
 that ever comes there after this except you." 
 
 "Bravo! You're progressing. As soon as 
 you're free from the blight of my regard, you 
 become quite human. But I'll never come 
 again." 
 
 "No, I suppose not," he said dismally. "I 
 shan't hear you again, unless, perhaps, the 
 echoes have kept your voice to play with." 
 
 "Oh, oh! Is this the language of science? 
 You know I almost think I should like to come 
 if I could. But I can't." 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 "Because we leave to-morrow." 
 
 "Not across to the southern coast? It is n't 
 safe. Fever " 
 
 "No; by Puerto del Norte." 
 
 "There's no boat." 
 
 "Yes, there is. You can just see her funnel 
 over that white slope. It's our yacht." 
 
 "And you think you are going in her to- 
 morrow?" 
 
 "Think? I know it." 
 
 "No," he contradicted. 
 
 "Yes," she asserted, quite as concisely. 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "No," he repeated. "You're mistaken." 
 
 "Don't be absurd. Why?" 
 
 "Look out there, over that tree to the hori- 
 
 zon." 
 
 "Pm looking." 
 
 "Do you see anything?" 
 
 "Yes; a sort of little smudge." 
 
 "That's why." 
 
 "It's a very shadowy sort of why." 
 
 "There's substance enough under it." 
 
 "A riddle? I'll give it up." 
 
 "No; a bet. I'll bet you the treasures of my 
 mountain-side. Orchids of gold and white 
 and purple and pink, butterflies that dart on 
 wings of fire opal " 
 
 "Beetles, to know which is to love them, 
 and love but them forever," she laughed. "And 
 my side of the wager what is that to 
 be?" 
 
 "That you will come to the rock day after 
 to-morrow at this hour and stand on the top 
 and be a voice again and talk to me." 
 
 "Done! Send your treasures to the pier, for 
 you'll surely lose. And now take me to the 
 road." 
 
 3* 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 It was a single-file trail, and he walked in 
 advance, silent as an Indian. As they emerged 
 from a thicket into the highway, above the 
 red-tiled city in its setting of emerald fields 
 strung on the silver thread of the Santa Clara 
 River, she turned and gave him her hand. 
 
 "Be at your rock to-morrow, and when you 
 see the yacht steam out, you'll know I'll be 
 saying good-bye, and thank you for your moun- 
 tain treasures. Send them to Miss Brewster, 
 care of the yacht Polly. She's named after 
 me. Is there anything the matter with my 
 shoes?" she broke off to inquire solicitously. 
 
 "Er what? No." He lifted his eyes, 
 startled, and looked out across the quaint old 
 city. 
 
 "Then is there anything the matter with 
 my face?" 
 
 "Yes? Well, what?" 
 
 "It's going to be hard to forget," complained 
 he of the goggles. 
 
 "Then look away before it's too late," she 
 cried merrily; but her color deepened a little. 
 "Good-bye, O friend of the lowly scarab!" 
 
 33 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 At the dip of the road down into the bridged 
 arroyo, she turned, and was surprised or at 
 least she told herself so to find him still 
 looking after her. 
 
II 
 
 AT THE KAST 
 
 ONE dines at the Gran Hotel Kast after 
 the fashion of a champignon sous cloche. 
 The top of the cloche is of fluted glass, with a 
 wide aperture between it and the sides, to ad- 
 mit the rain in the wet season and the flies 
 in the dry. Three balconies run up from the 
 dining-room well to this roof, and upon these, as 
 near to the railings as they choose, the rather 
 conglomerate patronage of the place sleeps, 
 takes baths, dresses, gossips, makes love, quar- 
 rels, and exchanges prophecies as to next Sun- 
 day's bullfight, while the diners below strive 
 to select from the bill of fare special morsels 
 upon which they will stake their internal peace 
 for the day. No cabaret can hold a candle to it 
 for variety of interest. When the sudden tor- 
 rential storms sweep down the mountains at 
 meal times, the little human champignons, be- 
 neath their insufficient cloche, rush about wildly 
 seeking spots where the drippage will not wash 
 their food away. Commercial travelers of the 
 
 35 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 tropics have a saying: "There are worse hotels 
 in the world than the Kast but why take the 
 trouble?" And, year upon year, they return 
 there for reasons connected with the other hos- 
 telries of Caracuiia, which I forbear to specify. 
 
 To Miss Polly Brewster, the Kast was a 
 place of romance. Five miles away, as the buz- 
 zard flies, she could have dined well, even ele- 
 gantly, on the Brewster yacht. Would she have 
 done it? Not for worlds! Miss Brewster was 
 entranced by the courtly manners of her waiter, 
 who had lost one ear and no small part of the 
 countenance adjacent thereto, only too obvi- 
 ously through the agency of some edged instru- 
 ment not wielded in the arts of peace. She was 
 further delightedly intrigued by the abrupt ap- 
 pearance of a romantic-hued gentleman, who 
 thrust out over the void from the second bal- 
 cony an anguished face, one side of which was 
 profusely lathered, and addressed to all the 
 hierarchy of heaven above, and the peoples of 
 the earth beneath, a passionate protest upon 
 the subject of a cherished and vanished shaving 
 brush; what time, below, the head waiter was 
 hastily removing from sight, though not from 
 
 36 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 memory, a soup tureen whose agitated surface 
 bore a creamy froth not of a lacteal origin. One 
 may not with impunity balance personal imple- 
 ments upon the too tremulous rails of the an- 
 cient Kast. 
 
 With an appreciative and glowing eye, Miss 
 Brewster read from her mimeographed bill of 
 fare such legends as "ropacon carne" "bacalao 
 seco" "enchiladas" and meantime devoured 
 chcchenaca, which, had it been translated into 
 its just and simple English of "hash," she 
 would not have given to her cat. 
 
 Nor did her visual and prandial preoccupa- 
 tions inhibit her from a lively interest in the 
 surrounding Babel of speech in mingled Span- 
 ish, Dutch, German, English, Italian, and 
 French, all at the highest pitch, for a few rods 
 away the cathedral bells were saluting Heaven 
 with all the clangor and din of the other place, 
 and only the strident of voice gained any heed 
 in that contest. Even after the bells paused, 
 the habit of effort kept the voices up. Miss 
 Brewster, dining with her father a few hours 
 after her return from the mountain, absolved 
 her conscience from any intent of eavcsdrop- 
 
 37 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 ping in overhearing the talk of the table to the 
 right of her. The remark that first fixed her 
 attention was in English, of the super-British 
 patois. 
 
 "Can't tell wot the blighter might look like 
 behind those bloomin' brown glasses." 
 
 "But he's not bothersome to any one," sug- 
 gested a second speaker, in a slightly foreign 
 accent. "He regards his own affairs." 
 
 "Right you are, bo!" approved a tall, deeply 
 browned man of thirty, all sinewy angles, who, 
 from the shoulders up, suggested nothing so 
 much as a club with a gnarled knob on the end 
 of it, a tough, reliable, hardwood club, capable 
 of dealing a stiff blow in an honest cause. " If he 
 deals in conversation, he must sell it. I don't 
 notice him giving any of it away." 
 
 "He gave some to Kast the last time he 
 dined here," observed a languid and rather 
 elegant elderly man, who occupied the fourth 
 side of the table. "Mine host didn't like 
 it." 
 
 "I should suppose Senor Kast would be 
 hardened," remarked the young Caracuiian who 
 had defended the absent. 
 
 38 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Our eyeglassed friend scored for once, 
 though. They had just served him the usual 
 table-d'hote salad you know, two leaves of 
 lettuce with a caterpillar on one. Kast happened 
 to be passing. Our friend beckoned him over. 
 *A little less of the fauna and more of the flora, 
 Senor Kast,' said he in that gritty, scientific 
 voice of his. I really thought Kast was going to 
 forget his Swiss blood, and chase a whole peso 
 of custom right out of the place." 
 
 " If you ask me, I think the blighter is barmy," 
 asserted the Briton. 
 
 "Well, I'll ask you," proffered the elegant 
 one kindly. "Why do you consider him 
 'barmy,' as you put it?" 
 
 "When I first saw him here and heard him 
 speak to the waiter, I knew him for an Ameri- 
 can Johnny at once, and I went, directly I'd 
 finished my soup, and sat down at his table. 
 The friendly touch, y' know. 'I say,' I said to 
 him, 'I don't know you, but I heard you speak, 
 and I knew at once you were one of these Ameri- 
 cans tell you at once by the beastly queer 
 accent, you know. You are an American, ay 
 wot?' Wot d' you suppose the blighter said? 
 
 39 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 He said, 'No, I'm an ichthyo' somethin' or 
 other" 
 
 "Ichthyosaurus, perhaps," supplied the Cara- 
 cunan, smiling. 
 
 "That's it, whatever it may be. 'I'm an 
 ichthyosaurus,' he says. 'It's a very old family, 
 but most of the buttons are off. Were you ever 
 bitten by one in the fossil state? Very exhilara- 
 tin', but poisonous,' he says. 'So don't let me 
 keep you any longer from your dinner.' Of 
 course, I saw then that he was a wrong un, so 
 I cut him dead, and walked away." 
 
 "Served him right," declared the elderly 
 American, with a solemn twinkle directed at 
 the tall brown man, who, having opened his 
 mouth, now thought better of it, and closed it 
 again, with a grin. 
 
 "But he is very kind," said the native. "When 
 my brother fell and broke his arm on the moun- 
 tain, this gentleman found him, took care of 
 him, and brought him in on muleback." 
 
 "Lives up there somewhere, doesn't he, 
 Mr. Raimonda?" asked the big man. 
 
 "In the quinta of a deserted plantation," 
 replied the Caracunan. 
 
 40 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Wot 's he do?" asked the Englishman. 
 
 "Ah, that one does not know, unless Senor 
 Sherwen can tell us." 
 
 "Not I," said the elderly man. "Some sort 
 of scientific investigation, according to the guess 
 of the men at the club." 
 
 "You never can tell down here," observed 
 the Englishman darkly. "Might be a blind, you 
 know. Calls himself Perkins. Dare say it is n't 
 his name at all." 
 
 "Daughter," said Mr. Thatcher Brewster 
 at this juncture, in a patient and plaintive 
 voice, "for the fifth and last time, I implore you 
 to pass me the butter, or that which purports 
 to be butter, in the dish at your elbow." 
 
 "Oh, poor dad ! Forgive me ! But I was over- 
 hearing some news of an an acquaintance." 
 
 "Do you know any of the gentlemen upon 
 whose conversation you are eavesdropping?" 
 
 In financial circles, Mr. Brewster was credited 
 with the possession of a cold blue eye and a de- 
 natured voice of interrogation, but he seldom 
 succeeded in keeping a twinkle out of the one 
 and a chuckle out of the other when conversing 
 with his daughter. 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Not yet," observed that damsel calmly. 
 
 "Meaning, I suppose I am to understand " 
 
 "Precisely. Haven't you noticed them 
 looking this way? Presently they'll be employ- 
 ing all their strategy to meet me. They'll em- 
 ploy it on you." 
 
 Mr. Brewster surveyed the group dubiously. 
 
 "In a country such as this, one can't be too 
 
 too cau " 
 
 "Too particular, as you were saying," cut 
 in his daughter cheerfully. "Men are scarce 
 except Fitzhugh, who is rather less scarce than 
 I wish he were lately. You know," she added, 
 with a covert glance at the adjoining table, "I 
 would n't be surprised if you found yourself 
 an extremely popular papa immediately after 
 dinner. It might even go so far as cigars. Do 
 you suppose that lovely young Caracuiian is a 
 bullfighter?" 
 
 "No; I believe he's a coffee exporter. Less 
 romantic, but more respectable. Quite one of 
 the gilded youth of Caracuna. His name is 
 Raimonda. Fitzhugh knows him. By the way, 
 where on earth is Fitzhugh?" 
 
 "Trying to fit a kind and gentlemanly expres- 
 42 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 sion over a swollen sense of injury, for a guess," 
 replied the girl carelessly. "I left him in sweet 
 and lone communion with nature three hours 
 ago." 
 
 "Polly, I wish " 
 
 "Oh, dad, dear, don't! You'll get your wish, 
 I suppose, and Fitz, too. Only I don't want to 
 be hurried. Here he is, now. Look at that smile! 
 A sculptor could n't have done any better. Now, 
 as soon as he comes, I'm going to be quite nice 
 and kind." 
 
 But Mr. Fairfax Preston Fitzhugh Carroll 
 did not come direct to the Brewster table. In- 
 stead, he stopped to greet the elderly man in 
 the near-by group, and presently drew up a 
 chair. At first, their conversation was low- 
 toned, but presently the young native added 
 his more vivacious accents. 
 
 "Who can tell?" the Brewsters heard him 
 say, and marked the fatalistic gesture of the 
 upturned hands. "They disappear. One does 
 not ask questions too much." 
 
 "Not here," confirmed the big man. "Always 
 room for a few more in the undersea jails, eh?" 
 
 "Always. But I think it was not that with 
 43 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Basurdo. I think it was underground, not un- 
 dersea." He brushed his neck with his finger 
 tips. 
 
 "Is it dangerous for foreigners?" asked Car- 
 roll quickly. 
 
 "For every one," answered Sherwen; adding 
 significantly: "But the Caracunan Government 
 does not approve of loose fostering of rumors." 
 
 Carroll rose and came over to the Brewsters. 
 
 "May I bring Mr. Graydon Sherwen over 
 and present him?" he asked. "I can vouch for 
 him, having known his family at home, and " 
 
 "Oh, bring them all, Fitzhugh," commanded 
 the girl. 
 
 The exponent of Southern aristocracy looked 
 uncomfortable. 
 
 "As to the others," he said, "Mr. Raimonda 
 
 is a native " 
 
 "With the manners of a prince. I've quite 
 fallen in love with him already," she said wick- 
 edly. 
 
 "Of course, if you wish it. But the other 
 American is an ex-professional baseball player, 
 named duff." 
 
 "What? 'Clipper' ClufT? I knew Pd seen 
 44 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 him before!" cried Miss Polly. "He got his 
 start in the New York State League. Why, 
 we're quite old friends, by sight." 
 
 "As for Galpy, he's an underbred little cock- 
 ney bounder." 
 
 "With the most naive line of conversation 
 I Ve ever listened to. I want all of them." 
 
 "Let me bring Sherwen first," pleaded the 
 suitor, and was presently introducing that 
 gentleman. "Mr. Sherwen is in charge here of 
 the American Legation," he explained. 
 
 "How does one salute a real live minister?" 
 queried Miss Brewster. 
 
 "Don't mistake me for anything so impor- 
 tant," said Sherwen. "We're not keeping a 
 minister in stock at present. My job is being 
 a superior kind of janitor until diplomatic rela- 
 tions are resumed." 
 
 "Goodness! It sounds like war," said Miss 
 Brewster hopefully. "Is there anything as ex- 
 citing as that going on?" 
 
 "Oh, no. Just a temporary cessation of civili- 
 ties between the two nations. If it were n't in- 
 discreet " 
 
 "Oh, do be indiscreet!" implored the girl, 
 45 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 with clasped hands. "I admire indiscretion in 
 others, and cultivate it in myself." 
 
 Mr. Carroll looked pained, as the other 
 laughed and said: 
 
 "Well, it would certainly be most undiplo- 
 matic for me to hint that the great and friendly 
 nation of Hochwald, which wields more influ- 
 ence and has a larger market here than any 
 other European power, has become a little 
 jealous of the growing American trade. But the 
 fact remains that the Hochwald minister and 
 his secretary, Von Plaanden, who is a very 
 able citizen when sober, and is, of course, al- 
 most always sober, have not exerted them- 
 selves painfully to compose the little misunder- 
 standing between President Fortuno and us. 
 The Dutch diplomats, who are not as diploma- 
 tic in speech as I am, would tell you, if there were 
 any of them left here to tell anything, that Von 
 Plaanden's intrigues brought on the present 
 break with them. So there you have a brief, 
 but reliable 'History of Our Times in the 
 Island Republic of Caracufia.' ' 
 
 "Highly informative and improving to the 
 untutored mind," Miss Brewster complimented 
 
 46 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 him. "I like seeing the wires of empire pulled. 
 More, please." 
 
 "Perhaps you won't like the next so well/' 
 observed Carroll grimly. " There is bubonic 
 plague here." 
 
 "Oh ah!" protested Sherwen gently. 
 "The suspicion of plague. Quite a different 
 
 matter." 
 
 "Which usually turns out to be the same, 
 does n't it?" inquired Mr. Brewster. 
 
 "Perhaps. People disappear, and one is not 
 encouraged to ask about them. But then 
 people disappear for many causes in Caracuna. 
 Politics here are somewhat well Phila- 
 delphian in method. But there is smoke 
 rising from behind Capo Blanco." 
 
 "What is there?" inquired the girl. 
 
 "The lazaretto. Still, it might be yellow 
 fever, or only smallpox. The Government is 
 not generous with information. To have plague 
 discovered now would be very disturbing to the 
 worthy plans of the Hochwald Legation. For 
 trade purposes, they would very much dislike 
 to have the port closed for a considerable time 
 by quarantine. The Dutch difficulty they can 
 
 47 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 arrange when they will. But quarantine would 
 bring in the United States, and that is quite 
 another matter. Well, we'll see, when Dr. 
 Pruyn gets here." 
 
 "Who is he?" asked Carroll. 
 
 "Special-duty man of the United States 
 Public Health Service. The best man on tropi- 
 cal diseases and quarantine that the service has 
 ever had." 
 
 "That is n't Luther Pruyn, is it? " inquired 
 Mr. Brewster. 
 
 "The same. Do you know him?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "More than I do, except by reputation." 
 
 "He was in my class at college, but I have n't 
 seen him since. I'd be glad to see him again. A 
 queer, dry fellow, but character and grit to his 
 backbone." 
 
 "I'd supposed he was younger," said Sher- 
 wen. "Anyway, he's comparatively new to the 
 service. His rise is the more remarkable. At 
 present, he's not only our quarantine repre- 
 sentative, with full powers, but unofficially he 
 acts, while on his roving commission, for the 
 British, the Dutch, the French, and half the 
 
 48 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 South American republics. I suppose he's 
 really the most important figure in the Cara- 
 cufia crisis and he has n't even got here yet. 
 Perhaps our Hochwaldian friends have cap- 
 tured him on the quiet. It would pay 'em, 
 for if there is plague here, he'll certainly trail it 
 down." 
 
 "Oh, I'm tired of plague," announced Miss 
 Polly. "Bring the others here and let's all go 
 over to the plaza, where it's cool." 
 
 To their open and obvious delight, exhibited 
 jauntily by the Englishman, with awkward and 
 admiring respectfulness by the ball-player, and 
 with graceful ease by the handsome Caracunan, 
 the rest were invited to join the party. 
 
 "Don't let them scare you about plague, 
 Miss Brewster," said Cluff, as they found their 
 chairs. " Foreigners don't get it much." 
 
 "Oh, I'm not afraid! But, anyway, we 
 should n't have time to catch even a cold. We 
 leave to-morrow." 
 
 The men exchanged glances. 
 
 "How?" inquired Sherwen and Raimonda 
 in a breath. 
 
 "In the yacht, from Puerto del Norte." 
 49 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Not if it were a British battleship," said 
 Galpy. "Port's closed." 
 
 "What? Quarantine already?" said Carroll. 
 
 "Quarantine be blowed! It's the Dutch." 
 
 "I thought you knew," said Sherwen. "All 
 the town is ringing with the news. It just came 
 in to-night. Holland has declared a blockade 
 until Caracufia apologizes for the interference 
 with its cable." 
 
 "And nothing can pass?" asked Mr. Brew- 
 ster. 
 
 "Nothing but an aeroplane or a submarine." 
 
 There was a silence. Miss Polly Brewster 
 broke it with a curious question : 
 
 "What day is day after to-morrow?" 
 
 Several voices had answered her, but she 
 paid little heed, for there had slipped over her 
 shoulder a brown thin hand holding a cunningly 
 woven closed basket of reedwork. A soft 
 voice murmured something in Spanish. 
 
 "What does he say?" asked the girl. "For 
 me?" 
 
 "He thinks it must be for you," translated 
 Raimonda, "from the description." 
 
 "What description?" 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "He was told to go to the hotel and deliver 
 it to the most beautiful lady. There could 
 hardly be any mistaking such specific instruc- 
 tions even by an ignorant mountain peon," he 
 added, smiling. 
 
 The girl opened the curious receptacle, and 
 breathed a little gasp of delight. Bedded in 
 fern, lay a mass of long sprays aquiver with 
 bells of the purest, most lucent white, each 
 with a great glow of gold at its heart. 
 
 "Ah," observed the young Caracufian, "I 
 see that you are persona grata with our worthy 
 President, Miss Brewster." 
 
 "President Fortune?" asked the girl, sur- 
 prised. "No; not that I'm aware of. Why do 
 you say that?" 
 
 "That is his special orchid almost the offi- 
 cial flower. They call it * the President's orchid.' " 
 
 "Has he a monopoly of growing them?" 
 asked Miss Brewster. 
 
 "No one can grow them. They die when 
 transplanted from their native cliffs. But it's 
 only the President's rangers who are daring 
 enough to get them." 
 
 "Are they so inaccessible?" 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Yes. They grow nowhere but on the cliff 
 faces, usually in the wildest part of the moun- 
 tains. Few people except the hunters and 
 mountaineers know where, and it's only the 
 most adventurous of them who go after the 
 flowers." 
 
 "Do you suppose this boy got these?" Miss 
 Brewster indicated the shy and dusky mes- 
 senger. 
 
 Raimonda spoke to the boy for a moment. 
 
 "No; he did n't collect them. Nor is he one 
 of the President's men. I don't quite under- 
 stand it." 
 
 "Who did gather them?" 
 
 "All that he will say is, 'the master." 
 
 "Oh!" said Miss Brewster, and retired into 
 a thoughtful silence. 
 
 "They're very beautiful, are n't they?" con- 
 tinued the Caracunan. "And they carry a 
 pretty sentiment." 
 
 "Tell me," commanded the girl, emerging 
 from her reverie. 
 
 "The mountaineers say that their fragrance 
 casts a spell which carries the thought back 
 to the giver." 
 
 5* 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Is that the language of science?" she 
 queried absently, with a thought far away. 
 
 "But no, senorita, assuredly not," said the 
 young Caracuiian. "It is the language per- 
 mit that I say it better in French c'est le 
 langage d'amour." 
 
Ill 
 
 THE BETTER PART OF VALOR 
 
 NIGHT fell with the iron clangor of bells, 
 and day broke to the accompaniment 
 of further insensate jangling, for Caracufia 
 City has the noisiest cathedral in the world; 
 and still the graceful gray yacht Polly lay in 
 the harbor at Puerto del Norte, hemmed in by 
 a thin film of smoke along the horizon where 
 the Dutch warship promenaded. 
 
 In one of the side caverns off the main din- 
 ing-room of the Hotel Kast, the yacht's owner, 
 breakfasting with the yacht's tutelary goddess 
 and the goddess's determined pursuer, dis- 
 cussed the blockade. Though Miss Polly Brew- 
 ster kept up her end of the conversation, her 
 thoughts were far upon a breeze-swept moun- 
 tain-side. How, she wondered, had that dry 
 and strange hermit of the wilds known the news 
 before the city learned it? With her wonder 
 came annoyance over her lost wager. The 
 beetle man, she judged, would be coolly superior 
 about it. So she delivered herself of sundry 
 
 54 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 stinging criticisms regarding the conduct of the 
 Caracunan Administration in having stupidly 
 involved itself in a blockade. She even spoke 
 of going to see the President and apprising him 
 of her views. 
 
 "I'd like to tell him how to run this foolish 
 little island," said she, puckering a quaintly 
 severe brow. 
 
 "Now is the appointed time for you to plunge 
 in and change the course of empire," her father 
 suggested to her. "There's an official morning 
 reception at ten o'clock. We're invited." 
 
 "Then I shan't go. I would n't give the old 
 goose the satisfaction of going to his fiesta" 
 
 "Meaning the noble and patriotic Presi- 
 dent?" said Carroll. "Treason most foul! The 
 cuartels are full of chained prisoners who have 
 said less," 
 
 "Father can go with Mr. Sherwen. I shall 
 do some important shopping," announced 
 Miss Brewster. "And I don't want any one 
 along." 
 
 Thus apprised of her intentions, Carroll 
 wrapped himself in gloom, and retired to write 
 a letter. 
 
 55 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Miss Polly's shopping, being conducted 
 mainly through the medium of the sign lan- 
 guage, presently palled upon her sensibilities, 
 and about twelve o'clock she decided upon a 
 drive. Accordingly she stepped into one of the 
 pretty little toy victorias with which the city 
 swarms. 
 
 "Para donde?" inquired the driver. 
 
 His fare made an expansive gesture, signi- 
 fying "Anywhere." Being an astute person in 
 his own opinion, the Jehu studied the pretty 
 foreigner's attire with an appraising eye, pro- 
 foundly estimated that so much style and ele- 
 gance could be designed for only one function 
 of the day, whirled her swiftly along the two- 
 mile drive of the Calvario Road, and landed 
 her at the President's palace, half an hour 
 after the reception was over. Supposing from 
 the coachman's signs that she was expected to 
 go in and view some public garden, she paid 
 him, walked far enough to be stopped by the 
 apologetic and appreciative guard, and re- 
 turned to the highway, to find no carriage in 
 sight. Never mind, she reflected; she needed 
 the exercise. Accordingly, she set out to walk. 
 
 56 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 But the noonday sun of Caracuiia has a bite 
 to it. For a time, Miss Brewster followed the 
 car tracks which were her sure guide from the 
 palace to the Kast; briskly enough, at first. But, 
 after three cars had passed her, she began to 
 think longingly of the fourth. When it stopped 
 at her signal, it was well filled. The most prom- 
 ising ingress appeared to be across the block- 
 ade of a robust and much-begilded young man, 
 who was occupying the familiar position of an 
 "end-seat hog," and displaying the full glories 
 of the Hochwaldian dress uniform. 
 
 Herr von Plaanden was both sleepy and 
 cross, for, having lingered after the reception 
 to have a word and several drinks with the 
 Minister of Foreign Affairs, he had come forth 
 to find neither coach nor automobile in attend- 
 ance. There had been nothing for it but the 
 plebeian trolley. Accordingly, when he heard 
 a foreign voice of feminine timbre and felt a 
 light pressure against his knee, he only snorted. 
 What he next felt against his knee was the im- 
 pact of a half-shove, half-blow, brisk enough 
 to slue him around. The intruder passed by to 
 the vacant seat, while the now thoroughly 
 
 57 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 awakened and annoyed Hochwaldian whirled, 
 to find himself looking into a pair of expression- 
 less brown goggles. 
 
 With a snort of fury, the diplomat struck 
 backward. The glasses and the solemn face be- 
 hind them dodged smartly. The next moment, 
 Herr von Plaanden felt his neck encircled by 
 a clasp none the less warm for being not pre- 
 cisely affectionate. He was pinned. Twisting, 
 he worked one arm loose. 
 
 "Be careful!" warned the cool voice of Polly 
 Brewster, addressing her defender. "He's try- 
 ing to draw his sword." 
 
 The gogglesome one's grip slid a little lower. 
 The car had now stopped, and the conductor 
 came forward, brandishing what was apparently 
 the wand of authority, designed to be symbolic 
 rather than utile, since at no point was it thicker 
 than a man's finger. From a safe distance on 
 the running-board, he flourished this, whooping 
 the while in a shrill and dissuasive manner. 
 Somewhere down the street was heard a re- 
 sponsive yell, and a small, jerky, olive-green 
 policia pranced into view. 
 
 Thereupon a strange thing happened. The 
 58 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 rescuing knight relaxed his grip, leaped the 
 back of his seat, dropped off the car, and darted 
 like a hunted hare across a compound, around 
 a wall, and so into the unknown, deserting his 
 lady fair, if not precisely in the hour of greatest 
 need, at least in a situation fraught with un- 
 toward possibilities. Indeed, it seemed as if 
 these possibilities might promptly become ac- 
 tualities, for the diplomat turned his stimulated 
 wrath upon the girl, and was addressing her 
 in tones too emphatic to be mistaken when a 
 large angular form interposed itself, landing 
 with a flying leap on the seat between them. 
 
 "Move!" the newly arrived one briefly 
 bade Heir von Plaanden. 
 
 Herr von Plaanden, feeling the pressure of a 
 shoulder formed upon the generous lines of a 
 gorilla's, and noting the approach of the policia 
 on the other side, was fain to obey. 
 
 "Don't you be scared, miss," said Cluff, 
 turning to the girl. "It's all over." 
 
 " I 'm not frightened," she said, with a catch 
 in her voice. 
 
 "Of course you ain't," he agreed reassuringly. 
 "You just sit quiet " 
 
 59 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "But I I Pm mad, clean through." 
 
 "You gotta right. You gotta perfect right. 
 Now, if this was New York, I'd spread that 
 gold-laced guy's face " 
 
 "I'm not angry at him. Not particularly, 
 I mean." 
 
 "No?" queried her friend in need. "What 
 got your goat, then?" 
 
 Miss Brews ter shot a quick and scornful 
 glance over her shoulder. 
 
 "Oh, him!" interpreted the athlete. "Well, 
 he made his get-away like a man with some 
 reason for being elsewhere." 
 
 "Reason enough. He was afraid." 
 
 "Maybe. Being af raid's a queer thing," 
 remarked her escort academically. "Now, me, 
 I'm afraid of a fuzzy caterpillar. But I ain't 
 exactly timid about other things." 
 
 "You certainly are n't. And I don't know 
 how to thank you." 
 
 "Aw, that's awright, miss. What else could 
 I do? Our departed friend, Professor Goggle- 
 Eye, when he made his jump, landed right in 
 my shirt front. 'Take my place,' he says; 'I've 
 got an engagement.' Well, I was just moving 
 
 60 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 forward, anyway, so it was no trouble at all, I 
 assure you," asserted the doughty Cluff, achiev- 
 ing a truly elegant conclusion. 
 
 "Most fortunate for me," said the girl 
 sweetly. "Mr. Perkins scuttled away like one 
 of his own little wretched beetles. When I see 
 him again " 
 
 "Again? Oh, well, if he's a friend of yours, 
 accourse he'd awtuv stood by " 
 
 "He is n't!" she declared, with unnecessary 
 vehemence. 
 
 "Don't you be too hard on him, miss," ar- 
 gued her escort. "Seems to me he did a pretty 
 good job for you, and stuck to it until he found 
 some one else to take it up." 
 
 "Then why did n't he stand by you?" 
 
 "Oh, I don't carry any 'Help-wanted' signs 
 on me. You know, miss, you can't size up a 
 man in this country like he was at home. Now, 
 me, I'd have natcherly hammered that Von 
 Plaanden gink all to heh heh hash. But 
 did I do it? I did not. You see, I got a little 
 mining concession out here in the mountains, 
 and if I was to get into any diplomatic mix-up 
 and bring in the police, it'd be bad for my 
 
 61 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 business, besides maybe getting me a couple of 
 tons of bracelets around my pretty little ankles. 
 Like as not your friend, Professor Lamps, has 
 got an equally good reason for keeping the 
 peace." 
 
 "Do you mean that this man will make 
 trouble for you over this?" 
 
 "Not as things stand. So long as nothing 
 was done no arrests or anything like that 
 he'll be glad to forget it, when he sobers up. 
 I'll forget it, too, and maybe, miss, it would n't 
 be any harm to anybody if you did a turn at 
 forgetting, yourself." 
 
 But neither by the venturesome Miss Polly 
 nor by her athlete servitor was the episode to 
 be so readily dismissed. Late that afternoon, 
 when the Brewster party were sitting about 
 iced fruit drinks amid the dingy and soiled 
 elegance of the Kast's one private parlor, Mr. 
 Sherwen's card arrived, followed shortly by 
 Mr. Sherwen's immaculate self, creaseless 
 except for one furrow of the brow. 
 
 "How you are going to get out of here I really 
 don't know," he said. 
 
 "Why should we hurry?" inquired Miss 
 62 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Brewster. "I don't find Caracuna so uninter- 
 esting." 
 
 "Never since I came here has it been so 
 charming," said the legation representative, 
 with a smiling bow. "But, much as your party 
 adds to the landscape, I 'm not at all sure that 
 this city is the most healthful spot for you at 
 present." 
 
 "You mean the plague?" asked Mr. Brew- 
 ster. 
 
 "Not quite so loud, please. * Healthful,' as 
 I used it, was, in part, a figure of speech. Some- 
 thing is brewing hereabout." 
 
 "Not a revolution?" cried Miss Polly, with 
 eyes alight. "Oh, do brew a revolution for me! 
 I should so adore to see one!" 
 
 "Possibly you may, though I hardly think 
 it. Some readjustment of foreign relations, at 
 most. The Dutch blockade is, perhaps, only a 
 beginning. However, it's sufficient to keep 
 you bottled up, though if we could get word to 
 them, I dare say they would let a yacht go out." 
 
 "Senator Richland, of the Committee on 
 Foreign Relations, is an old friend of my family, 5 * 
 said Carroll, in his measured tones. " A cable " 
 
 63 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Would probably never get through. This 
 Government would n't allow it. There are 
 other possibilities. Perhaps, Mr. Brewster," 
 he continued, with a side glance at the girl, 
 "we might talk it over at length this even- 
 ing." 
 
 "Quite useless, Mr. Sherwen," smiled the 
 magnate. "Polly would have it all out of me 
 before I was an hour older. She may as well 
 get it direct." 
 
 "Very well, then. It's this quarantine busi- 
 ness. If Dr. Pruyn comes here and declares 
 bubonic plague " 
 
 "But how will he get in?" asked Carroll. 
 
 "So far as the blockade goes, the Dutch will 
 help him all they can. But this Government 
 will keep him out, if possible." 
 
 "He is not persona grata?" asked Brewster. 
 
 "Not with any of the countries that play 
 politics with pestilence. But if he's sent here, 
 he '11 get in some way. In fact, Stark, the public- 
 health surgeon at Puerto del Norte, let fall a 
 hint that makes me think he's on his way now. 
 Probably in some cockleshell of a small boat 
 manned by Indian smugglers." 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "It sounds almost too adventurous for the 
 scholarly Pruyn whom I recall," observed Mr. 
 Brewster. 
 
 "The man who went through the cholera 
 anarchy on the lazar island off Camacho, with 
 one case of medical supplies and two boxes of 
 cartridges, may have been scholarly; he cer- 
 tainly did n't exhibit any distaste for adven- 
 ture. Well, I wish he'd arrive and get some- 
 thing settled. Only I 'd like to have you out of 
 the way first." 
 
 "Oh, don't send me away, Mr. Sherwen," 
 pleaded Miss Polly, with mischief in her eyes. 
 " I 'd make the cunningest little office assistant 
 to busy old Dr. Pruyn. And he's a friend of 
 dad's, and we surely ought to wait for him." 
 
 "If only I could send you! The fact is, 
 Americans won't be very popular if matters 
 turn out as I expect." 
 
 "Shall we be confined to our rooms and kept 
 incomunicado, while Dr. Pruyn chases the 
 terrified germ through the streets of Cara- 
 cuna?" queried the irrepressible Polly. 
 
 "You'll probably have to move to the lega- 
 tion, where you will be very welcome, but none 
 
 65 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 too comfortable. The place has been practi- 
 cally closed and sealed for two months." 
 
 "I'm sure we should bother you dread- 
 fully," said the girl. 
 
 "It would bother me more dreadfully if you 
 got into any trouble. Just this morning there 
 was some kind of an affair on a street car in 
 which some Americans were involved." 
 
 Miss Polly's countenance was a design a 
 very dainty and ornamental design in insou- 
 ciance as her father said : 
 
 "Americans? Any one we have met?" 
 
 "No news has come to me. I understand one 
 of the diplomatic corps, returning from the 
 President's matinee, spoke to an American 
 woman, and an American man interfered." 
 
 "When did this happen?" asked Carroll. 
 
 "About noon. Inquiries are going on quietly." 
 
 The young man directed a troubled and ac- 
 cusing look from his fine eyes upon Miss Brew- 
 ster. 
 
 "You see, Miss Polly," he said, "no lady 
 should go about unprotected down here." 
 
 "Ordinarily it's as safe as any city," said 
 Sherwen. "Just now I can't be so certain/* 
 
 66 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "I hate being watched over like a child!" 
 pouted Miss Brewster. "And I love sight- 
 seeing alone. The flowers along the Calvario 
 Road were so lovely. " 
 
 "That's the road to the palace," remarked 
 Carroll, looking at her closely. 
 
 "And the butterflies are so marvelous," 
 she continued cheerfully. "Who lives in that 
 salmon-pink pagoda just this side of the curve ? " 
 
 Trouble sat dark and heavy upon the hand- 
 some features of Mr. Preston Fairfax Fitzhugh 
 Carroll, but he was too experienced to put a 
 direct query to his inamorata. What suspicion 
 he had, he cherished until after dinner, when 
 he took it to the club and made it the founda- 
 tion of certain inquiries. 
 
 Thus it happened that at eleven o'clock that 
 evening, he paused before a bench in the plaza, 
 bowered in the bloom of creepers which flowed 
 down from a balcony of the Kast, and occupied 
 by the comfortably sprawled-out form of Mr. 
 Thomas Cluff, who was making a burnt offer- 
 ing to Morpheus. 
 
 "Good-evening!" said Mr. Carroll pleas- 
 antly. 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Evenin'! How's things?" returned the 
 other. 
 
 "Right as can be, thanks to you. On behalf 
 of the Brewster family, I want to express our 
 appreciation of your assistance to Miss Brew- 
 ster this morning." 
 
 "Oh, that was nothing," returned the other. 
 
 "But it might have been a great deal. Mr. 
 Brewster will wish to thank you in person " 
 
 "Aw, forget it!" besought Mr. Thomas 
 Cluff. "That little lady is all right. Fd just 
 as soon eat an ambassador, let alone a gilt- 
 framed secretary, to help her out." 
 
 "Miss Brewster," said the other, somewhat 
 more stiffly, "is a wholly admirable young 
 lady, but she is not always well advised in going 
 out unescorted. By the way, you can doubtless 
 confirm the rumor as to the identity of her 
 insulter." 
 
 "His name is Von Plaanden. But I don't 
 think he meant to insult any one." 
 
 "You will permit me to be the best judge of 
 that." 
 
 "Go as far as you like," asserted the big fel- 
 low cheerfully. "That fellow Perkins can tell 
 
 68 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 you more about the start of the thing than I 
 
 can." 
 
 "From what I hear, he has no cause to be 
 proud of his part in the matter," said the 
 Southerner, frowning. 
 
 "He's sure a prompt little runner," asserted 
 Cluff. "But I've run away in my time, and 
 glad of the chance." 
 
 "You will excuse me from sympathizing 
 with your standards." 
 
 " Sure, you 're excused, " returned the athlete, 
 so placidly that Carroll, somewhat at a loss, 
 altered his speech to a more gracious tone. 
 
 " At any rate, you stood your ground when 
 you were needed, which is more than Mr. Per- 
 kins did. I should like to have a talk with 
 him." 
 
 "That's easy. He was rambling around here 
 not a quarter of an hour ago with young Rai- 
 monda. That's them sitting on the bench over 
 by the fountain." 
 
 "Will you take me over and present me? I 
 think it is due Mr. Perkins that some one should 
 give him a frank opinion of his actions." 
 
 "I'd like to hear that," observed Cluff, who 
 69 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 was not without humanistic curiosity. "Come 
 along. " 
 
 Heaving up his six-feet-one from the seat, he 
 led the way to the two conversing men. Rai- 
 monda looked around and greeted the new- 
 comers pleasantly. Cluff waved an explanatory 
 hand between his charge and the bench. 
 
 "Make you acquainted with Mr. Perkins," 
 he said, neglecting to mention the name of the 
 first party of the introduction. 
 
 Perkins, goggling upward to meet a coldly 
 hostile glance, rose, nodded in some wonder, 
 and said: "How do you do?" Raimonda sent 
 Cluff a glance of interrogation, to which that 
 experimentalist in human antagonisms re- 
 sponded with a borrowed Spanish gesture of 
 pleasurable uncertainty. 
 
 "I will not say that I'm glad to meet you, 
 Mr. Perkins," began Carroll weightily, and 
 paused. 
 
 If he expected a query, he was doomed to a 
 disappointment. Such of the Perkins features as 
 were not concealed by his extraordinary glasses 
 expressed an immovable calm. 
 
 "Doubtless you know to what I refer." 
 70 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Still those blank brown glasses regarded him 
 in silence. 
 
 "Do you or do you not?" demanded Carroll, 
 struggling to keep his temper in the face of this 
 exasperating irresponsiveness. 
 
 "Have n't the least idea," replied Perkins 
 equably. 
 
 "You were on the tram 'this morning when 
 Miss Brewster was insulted, were n't you ? " 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "And ran away?" 
 
 "I did." 
 
 "What did you run away for?" 
 
 "I ran away," the other sweetly informed 
 him, "on important business of my own." 
 
 Cluff snickered. The suspicion impinged 
 upon Carroll's mind that this was n't going 
 to be as simple as he had expected. 
 
 "Let that go for the moment. Do you know 
 Miss Brewster's insulter?" 
 
 "No." 
 
 "Are you telling me the truth?" asked the 
 Southerner sternly. 
 
 The begoggled one's chin jerked up. To 
 the trained eye of Cluff, swift to interpret 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 physical indications, it seemed that Perkins's 
 weight had almost imperceptibly shifted its 
 center of gravity. 
 
 "Our Southern friend is going to run into 
 something if he does n't look out," he reflected. 
 
 But there was no hint of trouble in Perkins's 
 voice as he replied : 
 
 "I know who he is. I don't know him." 
 
 "WasitVonPlaanden?" 
 
 "Why do you want to know?" 
 
 "Because," returned the other, with con- 
 vincing coolness, "if it was, I intend to slap his 
 face publicly as soon as I can find him." 
 
 "You must do nothing of the sort." 
 
 Now, indeed, there was a change in the 
 other's bearing. The words came sharp and 
 crisp. 
 
 "I shall do exactly as I said. Perhaps you 
 will explain why you think otherwise." 
 
 "Because you must have some sense some- 
 where about you. Do you realize where you 
 are?" 
 
 "I hardly think you can teach me geography, 
 or anything else, Mr. Perkins." 
 
 "Well, good God," said the other sharply, 
 72 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "somebody's got to teach you! What do you 
 suppose would be the result of your slapping 
 Von Plaanden's face?" 
 
 "Whatever it may be, I am ready. I will 
 fight him with any weapons, and gladly." 
 
 "Oh, yes; gladly! Fun for you, all right. 
 But suppose you think of others a little." 
 
 "Afraid of being involved yourself?" smiled 
 Carroll. "I'm sure you could run away suc- 
 cessfully from any kind of trouble." 
 
 "Others might not be so able to escape." 
 
 "Of course I 'm wholly wrong, and my train- 
 ing and traditions are absurdly old-fashioned, 
 but I've been brought up to believe that the 
 American who will run from a fight, or who 
 will not stand up at home or abroad for 
 American rights, American womanhood, and 
 the American flag, is n't a man." 
 
 "Oh, keep it for the Fourth of July," re- 
 turned Perkins wearily. "You can't get me 
 into a fight." 
 
 "Fight?" Carroll laughed shortly. "If you 
 had the traditions of a gentleman, you would 
 not require any more provocation." 
 
 "If I had the traditions of a deranged doodle 
 73 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 bug, I 'd go around hunting trouble in a country 
 that is full of it for foreigners even those who 
 behave themselves like sane human beings." 
 
 "Meaning, perhaps, that I'm not a sane 
 human being?" inquired the Southerner. 
 
 "Do you think you act like it? To satisfy 
 your own petty vanity of courage, you'd in- 
 volve all of us in difficulties of which you know 
 nothing. We 're living over a powder magazine 
 here, and you want to light matches to show 
 what a hero you are. Traditions! Don't you 
 talk to me about traditions! If you can serve 
 your country or a woman better by running 
 away than by fighting, the sensible thing to do 
 is to run away. The best thing you can do is 
 to keep quiet and let Von Plaanden drop. 
 Otherwise, you'll have Miss Brewster the 
 center of " 
 
 "Keep your tongue from that lady's name!" 
 warned Carroll. 
 
 "You're giving a good many orders," said 
 the other slowly. "But I '11 do almost anything 
 just now to keep you peaceable, and to con- 
 vince you that you must let Von Plaanden 
 strictly alone." 
 
 74 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Just as surely as I meet him," said 
 the Southerner ominously, "on my word of 
 honor " 
 
 "Wait a moment," broke in the other 
 sharply. "Don't commit yourself until you've 
 heard me. Just around the corner from here 
 is a cuartel. It is n't a nice clean jail like ours 
 at home. Fleas are the pleasantest companions 
 in the place. When a man particularly an 
 obnoxious foreigner lands there, they "&re 
 rather more than likely to forget little inciden- 
 tals like food and water. And if he should 
 happen to be of a nation without diplomatic 
 representation here, as is the case with the 
 United States at present, he might well lie 
 there incomunicado until his hearing, which 
 might be in two days or might not be for a 
 month. Is that correct, Mr. Raimonda?" 
 
 "Essentially," confirmed the Caracunan. 
 
 "When you are through trying to frighten 
 me " began Carroll contemptuously. 
 
 "Frighten you? I'm not so foolish as to 
 waste time that way. I 'm trying to warn you." 
 
 "Are you quite done?" 
 
 "I am not. On my honor " He broke off 
 75 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 as Carroll smiled. " Smile if you like, but be- 
 lieve what I 'm telling you. Unless you agree to 
 keep your hands and tongue off Von Plaanden 
 I '11 lay an information which will land you in 
 the cuartel within an hour." 
 
 The smile froze on the Southerner's lips. 
 
 "Could he do that?" he asked Raimonda. 
 
 "I'm afraid he could. And, really, Mr. Car- 
 roll, he's correct in principle. In the present 
 state of political feeling, an assault by an Amer- 
 ican upon the representative of Hochwald might 
 seriously endanger all of your party." 
 
 "That's right," Cluff supported him. "I'm 
 with you in wanting to break that gold-frilled 
 geezer's face up into small sections, but it just 
 won't do." 
 
 With an effort, Carroll recovered his self- 
 control. 
 
 "Mr. Raimonda," he said courteously, "I 
 give you my word that there will be no trouble 
 between Herr Von Plaanden and myself, of 
 my seeking, until Mr. and Miss Brews ter are 
 safely out of the country." 
 
 "That's enough," said Cluff heartily. "The 
 rest of us can take care of ourselves." 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Meantime," said Raimonda, "I think the 
 whole matter can be arranged. Von Plaanden 
 shall apologize to Miss Brewster to-morrow. 
 It is not his first outbreak, and always he re- 
 grets. My uncle, who is of the Foreign Office, 
 will see to it." 
 
 "Then that's settled," remarked Perkins 
 cheerfully. 
 
 Carroll turned upon him savagely: 
 
 "To your entire satisfaction, no doubt, now 
 that you've shown yourself an informer as well 
 
 as" 
 
 "Easy with the rough stuff, Mr. Carroll," 
 advised Cluff, his good-natured face clouding. 
 "We're all a little het up. Let's have a drink, 
 and cool down." 
 
 "With you, with pleasure. I shall hope to 
 meet you later, Mr. Perkins," he added signifi- 
 cantly. 
 
 "Well, I hope not," retorted the other. "My 
 voice is still for peace. Meantime, please assure 
 Miss Brewster for me " 
 
 "I warned you to keep that lady's name 
 from your lips." 
 
 "You did. But I don't know by what author- 
 77 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 ity. You're not her father, I suppose. Are you 
 her brother, by any chance?" 
 
 As he spoke, Perkins experienced that cu- 
 rious feeling that some invisible person was 
 trying to catch his eye. Now, as he turned 
 directly upon Carroll, his glance, passing over 
 his shoulder, followed a broad ray of light 
 spreading from a second-story leaf-framed 
 balcony of the hotel. There was a stir amid 
 the greenery. The face of the Voice appeared, 
 framed in flowers. Its features lighted up with 
 mirth, and the lips formed the unmistakable 
 monosyllable: "Boo!" . 
 
 The identification was complete "Boo to 
 a goose." 
 
 "Preston Fairfax Fitzhugh Carroll!" Un- 
 wittingly he spoke the name aloud, and, un- 
 fortunately, laughed. 
 
 To a less sensitive temperament, even, than 
 Carroll's, the provocation would have been 
 extreme. Perkins was recalled to a more serious 
 view of the situation by the choking accents of 
 that gentleman. 
 
 "Take off your glasses!" 
 
 "What for?" 
 
 78 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Because I'm going to thrash you within 
 an inch of your life!" 
 
 "Gentlemen, gentlemen ! " cried the young Ca- 
 racufian. "This is no place for such an affair." 
 
 Apparently Perkins held the same belief. 
 Stepping aside, he abruptly sat down on the 
 end of the bench, facing the fountain and not 
 four feet from it. His head drooped a little 
 forward; his hands dropped between his knees; 
 one foot but Cluff, the athlete, was the 
 only one to note this edged backward and 
 turned to secure a firm hold on the pavement. 
 Carroll stepped over in front of him and stood 
 nonplused. He half drew his hand back, then 
 let it fall. 
 
 "I can't hit a man sitting down," he mut- 
 tered distressfully. 
 
 Perkins's set face relaxed. 
 
 "Running true to tradition," he observed, 
 pleasantly enough. " I did n't think you would. 
 See here, Mr. Carroll, I 'm sorry that I laughed 
 at your name. In fact, I did n't really laugh 
 at your name at all. It was at something quite 
 different which came into my mind at that 
 
 moment." 
 
 79 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Your apology is accepted so far," returned 
 the other stiffly. "But that does n't settle the 
 other account between us, when we meet again. 
 Or do you choose to threaten me with jail for 
 that, also?" 
 
 "No. It's easier to keep out of your way." 
 
 "Good Lord!" cried the Southerner in dis- 
 gust. "Are you afraid of everything?" 
 
 "Why, no!" Perkins rose, smiling at him 
 with perfect equanimity. "As a matter of fact, 
 if you're interested to know, I was n't partic- 
 ularly afraid of Von Plaanden, and, if I may 
 say so without offense, I'm not particularly 
 afraid of you." 
 
 Carroll studied him intently. 
 
 "By Jove, I believe you are n't! I give it 
 up!" he cried desperately. "You're crazy, I 
 reckon or else I am." And he took himself 
 off without the formality of a farewell to the 
 others. 
 
 Raimonda, with a courteous bow to his com- 
 panions, followed him. 
 
 Wearily the goggled one sank back in his 
 seat. Cluff moved across, planting himself 
 exactly where Carroll had stood. 
 
 80 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Perkins!" 
 
 "Eh?" responded the sitter absently. 
 
 "What would you do if I should bat you one 
 in the eye?" 
 
 "Eh, what?" 
 
 "What would you do to me?" 
 
 "You, too?" cried the bewildered Perkins. 
 "Why on earth " 
 
 "You'd dive into my knees, would n't you, 
 and tip me over backward?" 
 
 "Oh, that!" A slow grin overspread the 
 space beneath the glasses. "That was the 
 idea." 
 
 "I know the trick. It's a good one except 
 for the guy that gets it." 
 
 "It wouldn't have hurt him. He'd have 
 landed in the fountain." 
 
 "So he would. What then?" 
 
 "Oh, I'd have held him there till he got 
 cooled off, and then made a run for it. A wet 
 man can't catch a dry man." 
 
 "Say, son, you're a dry one, all right." 
 
 "Eh?" 
 
 "Wake up! I 'm saying you 're all right." 
 
 "Much obliged." 
 
 81 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "You certainly took enough off him to rile 
 a sheep. Why did n't you do it?" 
 
 "Do what?" 
 
 "Tip him in." 
 
 Perkins glanced upward at the balcony where 
 the vines had closed upon a face that smiled. 
 
 "Oh," he said mildly, "he's a friead f a 
 friend of mine." 
 
IV 
 
 TWO ON A MOUNTAIN-SIDE 
 
 ORCHIDS do not, by preference, grow 
 upon a cactus plant. Little though she 
 recked of botany. Miss Brewster was aware of 
 this fundamental truth. Neither do they, with- 
 out extraneous impulsion, go hurtling through 
 the air along deserted mountain-sides, to find a 
 resting-place far below; another natural-history 
 fact which the young lady appreciated without 
 being obliged to consult the literature of the sub- 
 ject. Therefore, when, from the top of the ap- 
 pointed rock, she observed a carefully composed 
 bunch of mauve Cattleyas describe a parabola 
 and finally join two previous clusters upon the 
 spines of a prickly-pear patch, she divined some 
 energizing force back of the phenomenon. 
 That energizing force she surmised was temper, 
 
 "Fie!" said she severely. "Beetle gentlemen 
 should control their little feelings. Naughty, 
 naughty!" 
 
 From below rose a fervid and startled ex- 
 clamation. 
 
 83 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Naughtier, naughtier!" deprecated the visi- 
 tor. "Are these the cold and measured terms of 
 science?" 
 
 "You have n't lived up to your bet," com- 
 plained the censured one. 
 
 "Indeed I have! I always play fair, and pay 
 fair. Here I am, as per contract." 
 
 "Nearly half an hour late." 
 
 "Not at all. Four-thirty was the time." 
 
 "And it is now three minutes to five." 
 
 "Making twenty-seven minutes that I've 
 been sitting here waiting for a welcome." 
 
 "Waiting? Oh, Miss Brewster " 
 
 "I'm not Miss Brewster. I'm a voice in 
 the wilderness." 
 
 "Then, Voice, you have n't been there more 
 than one minute. A voice is n't a voice until 
 it makes a noise like a voice. Q.E.D." 
 
 "There is something in that argument," she 
 admitted. "But why did n't you come up and 
 look forme?" 
 
 "Does one look for a sound?" 
 
 "Please don't be so logical. It tires my poor 
 little brain. You might at least have called." 
 
 "That would have been like holding you up 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 for payment of the bet, would n't it? I was 
 waiting for you to speak." 
 
 "Not good form in Caracufia. The seiior 
 should always speak first." 
 
 "You began the other time," he pointed 
 out. 
 
 "So I did, but that was under a misappre- 
 hension. I had n't learned the customs of the 
 country then. By the way, is it a local custom 
 for hermits of science to climb breakneck 
 precipices for golden-hearted orchids to send 
 to casual acquaintances?" 
 
 "Is that what you are?" he queried in a 
 slightly depressed tone. 
 
 "What on earth else could I be?" she re- 
 turned, amused. 
 
 "Of course. But we all like to pretend that 
 our fairy tales are permanent, don't we?" 
 
 "I can readily picture you chasing beetles, 
 but I can't see you chasing fairies at all," she 
 asserted positively. 
 
 "Nor can I. If you chase them, they vanish. 
 Every one knows that." 
 
 "Anyway, your orchids were fit for a fairy 
 queen. I have n't thanked you for them yet." 
 
 8s 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Indeed you have. Much more than they 
 deserve. By coming here to-day." 
 
 "Oh, that was a point of honor. Are you 
 going to let those lovely purple ones wither on 
 that prickly plant down there? Think how 
 much better they'd look pinned on me if 
 there were any one here to see and appreciate." 
 
 If this were a hint, it failed of its aim, for, 
 as the hermit scuttled out from his shelter, 
 looking not unlike some bulky protrusive-eyed 
 insect, secured the orchids, and returned, he 
 never once glanced up. Safe again in his rock- 
 bound retreat, he spoke : 
 
 "'Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair." 
 
 "So you do know something of fairies and 
 fairy lore!" she cried. 
 
 "Oh, it was n't much more than a hundred 
 years ago that I read my Grimm. In the story, 
 only one call was necessary." 
 
 "Well, I can't spare any more of my silken 
 tresses. I brought a string this time. Where's 
 the other hair line?" 
 
 "I've used it to tether a fairy thought so 
 that it can't fly away from me. Draw up 
 slowly." 
 
 86 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Thank you so much, and I'm so glad that 
 you are feeling better." 
 
 "Better?" 
 
 " Yes. Better than the day before yesterday." 
 
 "Day before yesterday?" 
 
 "Bless the poor man! Much anxious waiting 
 hath bemused his wits. He thinks he's an 
 echo." 
 
 "But I was all right the day before yester- 
 day." 
 
 "You were n't. You were a prey to the 
 most thrilling terrors. You were a moving 
 picture of tender masculinity in distress. You 
 let bashfulness like a worm i' th' bud prey upon 
 your damask cheek. Have you a damask cheek? 
 Stand out! I wish to consider you impartially. 
 You need n't look at me, you know." 
 
 "I'm not going to," he assured her, stepping 
 forth obediently. 
 
 "Basilisk that I am!" she laughed. "How 
 brown you are! How long did you say you'd 
 been here? A year?" 
 
 "Fourteen weary Voiceless months. Not on 
 this island, you know, but around the tropics." 
 
 "Yet you look vigorous and alert; not like 
 87 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 the men I Ve seen come back from the hot coun- 
 tries, all languid and worn out. And you do 
 look clean." 
 
 "Why should n't I be clean?" 
 
 "Of course you should. But people get slack, 
 don't they, when they live off all alone by 
 themselves? Still, I suppose you spruced up a 
 little forme?" 
 
 "Nothing of the sort," he denied, with heat. 
 
 "No? Oh, my poor little vanity! He would n't 
 dress up for us, Vanity, though we did dress 
 up for him, and we're looking awfully nice 
 for a voice, that is. Do you always keep so soft 
 and pink and smooth, Mr. Beetle Man?" 
 
 "I own a razor, if that's what you mean. 
 You 're making fun of me. Well, 7 don't mind." 
 He lifted his voice and chanted : 
 
 " Although beyond the pale of law, 
 He always kept a polished jaw; 
 For he was one of those who saw 
 A saving hope 
 In shaving soap." 
 
 "Oh, lovely! What a noble finish. What is 
 it?" 
 
 "Extract from 'Biographical Blurbings.'" 
 88 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Autobiographical ? " 
 
 "Yes. By Me." 
 
 "And are you beyond the pale of law?" 
 
 "Poetical license," he explained airily. "Hold 
 on, though." He fell silent a moment, and out 
 of that silence came a short laugh. " I suppose 
 I am beyond the pale of law, now that I come 
 to think of it. But you need n't be alarmed. 
 I'm not a really dangerous criminal." 
 
 Later she was to recall that confession with 
 sore misgivings. Now she only inquired lightly: 
 
 "Is that why you ran away from the tram 
 car yesterday?" 
 
 "Ran away? I did n't run away," he said, 
 with dignity. "It just happened that there 
 came into my mind an important engagement 
 that I 'd forgotten. My memory is n't what 
 it should be. So I just turned over the matter 
 in hand to an acquaintance of mine." 
 
 "The matter in hand being me." 
 
 "Why, yes; and the acquaintance being Mr. 
 Guff . I saw him throw four men out of a hotel 
 once for insulting a girl, so I knew that he was 
 much better at that sort of thing than I. May 
 I go back now and sit down?" 
 
 89 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Of course. I don't know whether I ought 
 to thank you about yesterday or be very angry. 
 It was such an extraordinary performance on 
 your part " 
 
 "Nothing extraordinary about it." His voice 
 came up out of the shadow, full of judicial 
 confidence. "Merely sound common sense." 
 
 "To leave a woman who has been insulted " 
 
 " In more competent hands than one's own." 
 
 "Oh, I give it up!" she cried. "I don't un- 
 derstand you at all. Fitzhugh is right; you 
 have n't a tradition to your name." 
 
 "Tradition," he repeated thoughtfully. 
 "Why, I don't know. They're pretty rigid 
 things, traditions. Rusty in the joints and all 
 that sort of thing. Life is n't a process of 
 machinery, exactly. One has to meet it with 
 something more supple and adjustable than 
 traditions." 
 
 "Is that your philosophy? Suppose a man 
 struck you. Would n't you hit him back ? " 
 
 "Perhaps. It would depend." 
 
 "Or insulted your country? Don't you be- 
 lieve that men should be ready to die, if neces- 
 sary, in such a cause?" 
 
 90 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Some men. Soldiers, for instance. They're 
 paid to." 
 
 "Good Heavens! Is it all a question of pay 
 in your mind ? Would n't you, unless you were 
 paid for it?" 
 
 "How can I tell until the occasion arises?" 
 
 "Are you afraid?" 
 
 "I suppose I might be." 
 
 "Has n't the man any blood in his veins?" 
 cried his inquisitor, exasperated. "Have n't 
 you ever been angry clear through?" 
 
 "Oh, of course; and sorry for it afterward. 
 One is likely to lose one's temper any time. 
 It might easily happen to me and drive me to 
 make a fool of myself, like like " His 
 voice trailed off into a silence of embarrass- 
 ment. 
 
 "Like Fitzhugh Carroll. Why not say it? 
 Well, I much prefer him and his hot-headed- 
 ness to you and your careful wisdom." 
 
 "Of course," he acquiesced patiently. "Any 
 girl would. It's the romantic temperament." 
 
 "And yours is the scientific, I suppose. That 
 does n't take into account little things like 
 patriotism and heroism, does it? Tell me, have 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 you actually ever admired really got a thrill 
 out of any deed of heroism?" 
 
 "Oh, yes," he replied tranquilly. "I've 
 done my bit of hero worship in my time. In 
 fact, I Ve never quite recovered from it." 
 
 "No! Really? Do go on. You're growing 
 more human every minute." 
 
 "Do you happen to know anything about 
 the Havana campaign?" 
 
 "Not much. It never seemed to me anything 
 to brag of. Dad says the Spanish-American 
 War grew a crop of newspaper-made heroes, 
 manufactured by reporters who really took 
 more risks and showed more nerve than the men 
 they glorified." 
 
 "Spanish-American War? That is n't what 
 I 'm talking about. I 'm speaking of Walter Reed 
 'and his fellow scientists, who went down there 
 and fought the mosquitoes." 
 
 The girl's lip curled. 
 
 "So that's your idea of heroism! Scrubby 
 peckers into the lives of helpless bugs!" 
 
 "Have you the faintest idea what you are 
 talking about?" 
 
 His voice had abruptly hardened. There was 
 92 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 an edge to it; such an edge as she had faintly 
 heard on the previous night, when Carroll had 
 pressed him too hard. She was startled. 
 
 "Perhaps I have n't," she admitted. 
 
 "Then it's time you learned. Three Ameri- 
 can doctors went down into that pesthole of a 
 Cuban city to offer their lives for a theory. 
 Not for a tangible fact like the flag, or for glory 
 and fame as in battle, but for a theory that 
 might or might not be true. There was n't a 
 day or a night that their lives were n't at stake. 
 Carroll let himself be bitten by infected mos- 
 quitoes on a final test, and grazed death by a 
 hair's breadth. Lazear was bitten at his work, 
 and died in the agony of yellow-fever convul- 
 sions, a martyr and a hero if ever there was one. 
 Because of them, Havana is safe and livable 
 now. We were able to build the Panama Canal 
 because of their work, their what did you 
 call it? scrubby peeking into the lives of " 
 
 "Don't!" cried the girl. "I I'm ashamed. 
 I did n't know." 
 
 "How should you?" he said, in a changed 
 tone. "We Americans set up monuments to 
 our destroyers, not to our preservers, of life. 
 
 93 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Nobody knows about Walter Reed and James 
 Carroll and Jesse Lazear not even the Ameri- 
 can Government, which they officially served 
 except a few doctors and dried-up entomolo- 
 gists like myself. Forgive me. I did n't mean 
 to deliver a lecture." 
 
 There was a long pause, which she broke 
 with an effort, 
 
 "Mr. Beetle Man?" 
 
 "Yes, Voice?" 
 
 "I I 'm beginning to think you rather 
 more man than beetle at times." 
 
 "Well, you see, you touched me on a point 
 of fanaticism," he apologized. 
 
 "Do you mind standing up again for exami- 
 nation? No," she decided, as he stepped out 
 and stood with his eyes lowered obstinately. 
 "You don't seem changed to outward view. 
 You still remind me," with a ripple of irrepres- 
 sible laughter, "of a near-sighted frog. It's 
 those ridiculous glasses. Why do you wear 
 them?" 
 
 "To keep the sun out of my eyes." 
 
 "And the moon at night, I suppose. They're 
 not for purposes of disguise?" 
 
 94 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Disguise! What makes you say that?" he 
 asked quickly. 
 
 "Don't bark. They'd be most effective. 
 And they certainly give your face a truly 
 weird expression, in addition to its other detri- 
 ments." 
 
 "If you don't like my face, consider my 
 figure," he suggested optimistically. "What's 
 the matter with that?" 
 
 "Stumpy," she pronounced. "You're all in 
 a chunk. It does look like a practical sort of a 
 chunk, though." 
 
 "Don't you like it?" he asked anxiously. 
 
 "Oh, well enough of its kind." She lifted her 
 voice and chanted: 
 
 "He was stubby and square, 
 But she did n't much care. 
 
 "There's a verse in return for yours. Mine's 
 adapted, though. Examination's over. Wait. 
 Don't sit down. Now, tell me your opinion of 
 
 me." 
 
 "Very musical." 
 "I'm not musical at all." 
 "Oh, I'm considering you as a voice" 
 "I'm tired of being just a voice. Look up 
 95 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 here. Do," she pleaded. "Turn upon me those 
 lucent goggles. 
 
 When orbs like thine the soul disclose, 
 Tee-deedle-deedle-dee. 
 
 Don't be afraid. One brief fleeting glance ere 
 we part." 
 
 "No," he returned positively. "Once is 
 enough." 
 
 "On behalf of my poor traduced features, 
 I thank you humbly. Did they prove as bad 
 as you feared?" 
 
 "Worse. I 've hardly forgotten yet what you 
 look like. Your kind of face is bad for busi- 
 ness." 
 
 "What ir business?" 
 
 "Have n't I told you? I'm a scientist." 
 
 "Well, I'm a specimen. No beetle that 
 crawls or creeps or hobbles, or does whatever 
 beetles are supposed to do, shows any greater 
 variation from type I heard a man say that 
 in a lecture once than I do. Can't I interest 
 you in my case, O learned one? The proper 
 study of mankind is " 
 
 "Woman. Yes, I know all about that. But 
 I 'm a groundling." 
 
 96 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Mr. Beetle Man," she said, in a tremulous 
 voice, "the rock is moving." 
 
 " I don't feel it. Though it might be a touch 
 of earthquake. We have 'em often." 
 
 "Not your rock. The tarantula rock, I 
 
 mean." 
 
 "Nonsense! A hundred tarantulas could n't 
 stir it." 
 
 "Well, it seems to be moving, and that's 
 just as bad. I'm tired and I'm lonely. Oh, 
 please, Professor Scarab, have I got to fall on 
 your neck again to introduce a little human 
 companionship into this conversation?" 
 
 "Caesar! No! My shoulder's still lame. 
 What do you want, anyway?" 
 
 " I want to know about you and your work. 
 All about you." 
 
 "Humph! Well, at present I'm making 
 some microscopical studies of insects. That's 
 the reason for these glasses. The light is so 
 harsh in these latitudes that it affects the 
 vision a trifle, and every trifle counts in micros- 
 copy." 
 
 "Does the microscope add charm to the 
 beetle?" 
 
 97 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Some day I'll show you, if you like. Just 
 now it's the flea, the national bird of Cara- 
 
 cufia." 
 
 "The wicked flea?" 
 
 "Nobody knows how wicked until he has 
 studied him on his native heath." 
 
 "Does n't the flea have something to do 
 with plague? They say there's plague in the 
 city now. You knew all about the Dutch. Do 
 you know anything about the plague?" 
 
 "You've been listening to bolas" 
 
 " What's a bola?" 
 
 "A bola is information that somebody who 
 is totally ignorant of the facts whispers confi- 
 dentially in your ear with the assurance that 
 he knows it to be authentic in other words, 
 a lie." 
 
 "Then there is n't any plague down under 
 those quaint, old, red-tiled roofs?" 
 
 "Who ever knows what's going on under 
 those quaint, old, red-tiled roofs ? No foreigner, 
 certainly." 
 
 "Even I can feel the mystery, little as I've 
 seen of the place," said the girl. 
 
 "Oh, that's the Indian of it. The tiled roofs 
 98 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 are Spanish; the speech is Spanish; but just 
 beneath roof and speech, the life and thought 
 are profoundly and unfathomably Indian." 
 
 "Not with all the Caracuiians, surely. Take 
 Mr. Raimonda, for instance." 
 
 "Ah, that's different. Twenty families of 
 the city, perhaps, are pure-bloods. There are 
 no finer, cleaner fellows anywhere than the 
 well-bred Caracuiians. They are men of the 
 world, European educated, good sportsmen, 
 straight, honorable gentlemen. Unfortunately 
 not they, but a gang of mongrel grafters con- 
 trol the politics of the country." 
 
 "For a hermit of science, you seem to know 
 a good deal of what goes on. By the way, Mr. 
 Raimonda called on me on us last evening." 
 
 "So he mentioned. Rather serious, that, you 
 know." 
 
 " Far from it. He was very amusing." 
 
 "Doubtless," commented the other dryly. 
 "But it is n't fair to play the game with one 
 who does n't know the rules. Besides, what 
 will Mr. Preston Fairfax " 
 
 "For a professedly shy person, you certainly 
 take a rather intimate tone." 
 
 99 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Oh, I'm shy only under the baleful influ- 
 ence of the feminine eye. Besides, you set the 
 note of intimacy when you analyzed my per- 
 sonal appearance. And finally, I have a warm 
 regard for young Raimonda." 
 
 "So have I," she returned maliciously. 
 "Are n't you jealous?" 
 
 He laughed. 
 
 "Please be a little bit jealous. It would be 
 so flattering." 
 
 "Jealousy is another tradition in which I 
 don't believe." 
 
 "Then I can't flirt with you at all?" she 
 sighed. "After taking all this long hot walk 
 to see you!" 
 
 Plop! The sound punctured the silence 
 sharply, though not loudly. Some large fruit 
 pod bursting on a distant tree might have made 
 such a report. 
 
 "What was that?" asked the girl curiously. 
 
 "That? Oh, that was a revolver shot," he 
 remarked. 
 
 "Are n't you casual! Do revolver shots mean 
 nothing to you?" 
 
 "That one shakes my soul's foundations." 
 100 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 His tone by no means indicated an inner cata- 
 clysm. "It may mean that I must excuse my- 
 self and leave. Just a moment, please." 
 
 Passing across the line of her vision, he dis- 
 appeared to the left. When she next heard his 
 voice, it was almost directly above her. 
 
 "No," it said. "There's no hurry. The 
 flag's not up." 
 
 "What flag?" 
 
 "The flag in my compound." 
 
 "Can you see your home from here?" 
 
 "Yes; there's a ledge on the cliff that gives 
 a direct view." 
 
 "I want to come up and see it." 
 
 "You can't. It's much too hard a climb. 
 Besides, there are rock devilkins on the 
 way." 
 
 "And when you hear a shot, you go up there 
 for messages?" 
 
 "Yes; it's my telephone system." 
 
 "Who 'sat the other end?" 
 
 "The peon who pretends to look after the 
 quinta for me." 
 
 "A man! No man can keep a house fit to 
 live in," she said scornfully. 
 
 101 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "I know it; but he's all IVe got in the 
 servant line." 
 
 "How far is the house from here?" 
 
 "A mile, by air. Seven by trail from town." 
 
 "Is n't it lonely?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 Suddenly she felt very sorry for him. There 
 was such a quiet, conclusive acceptance of 
 cheerlessness in the monosyllable. 
 
 "How soon must you go back?" 
 
 "Oh, not for an hour, at least." 
 
 "If it's a call, it must be an important one, 
 so far from civilization." 
 
 "Not necessarily. Don't you ever have calls 
 that are not important?" 
 
 No answer came. 
 
 "Miss Brewster!" he called. "Oh, Voice! 
 You have n't gone?" 
 
 Still no response. 
 
 "That isn't fair," he complained, making 
 his way swiftly down, and satisfying himself 
 by a peep about the angle commanding her 
 point of the rock that she had, indeed, vanished. 
 Sadly he descended to his own nook and 
 jumped back with a half-suppressed yell. 
 
 102 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "You need n't jump out of your skin on my 
 account," said Miss Polly Brewster, with a 
 gracious smile. "I'm not a devilkin." 
 
 "You are! That is I mean I I 
 beg your pardon. I I " 
 
 "The poor man's having another bashful 
 fit," she observed, with malicious glee. "Did 
 the bold, bad, forward American minx scare 
 it almost out of its poor shy wits?" 
 
 "You you startled me." 
 
 "No!" she exclaimed, in wide-eyed mock 
 surprise. "Who would have supposed it? You 
 did n't expect me down here, did you?" 
 
 Thereupon she got a return shock. 
 
 "Yes, I did," he said; "sooner or later." 
 
 "Don't fib. Don't pretend that you knew 
 I was here." 
 
 "W-w-well, no. Not just now. B-b-but 
 I knew you 'd come if if if I pretended 
 I did n't want you to long enough." 
 
 "Young and budding scientist," said she 
 severely, "you're a gay deceiver. Is it because 
 you have known me in some former existence 
 that you are able thus accurately to read my 
 character?" 
 
 103 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Well, I knew you would n't stay up there 
 much longer." 
 
 "I 'm angry at you; very angry at you. That 
 is, I would be if it were n't that you really 
 did n't mean it when you said that you really 
 did n't want to see my face again." 
 
 "Did any one ever see your face once with- 
 out wanting to see it again ? " 
 
 "Ah, bravo!" She clapped her hands gayly. 
 "Marvelous improvement under my tutelage! 
 Where, oh, where is your timidity now?" 
 
 "I I I forgot," he stammered. "As 
 long as I don't think, I 'm all right. Now, you 
 you you've gone and spoiled me." 
 
 "Oh, the pity of it! Let's find some mild, 
 impersonal topic, then, that won't embarrass 
 you. What do you do under the shadow of 
 this rock, in a parched land?" 
 
 "Work. Besides, it is n't a parched land. 
 Look on this side." 
 
 Half a dozen steps brought her around the 
 farther angle, where, hidden in a growth of 
 shrubbery, lay a little pool of fairy loveliness. 
 
 "That's my outdoor laboratory." 
 
 "A dreamery, I'd call it. May I sit down? 
 104 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Are there devilkins here? There's an elfkin, 
 anyway," she added, as a silvered dragon-fly 
 hovered above her head inquisitively before 
 darting away on his own concerns. 
 
 "One of my friends and specimens. I'm 
 studying his methods of aviation with a view 
 to making some practical use of what I learn, 
 eventually." 
 
 "Really? Are you an inventor, too? I'm 
 crazy about aviation." 
 
 "Ah, then you'll be interested in this," he 
 said, now quite at his ease. "You know that 
 the mosquito is the curse of the tropics." 
 
 "Of other places, as well." 
 
 "But in the tropics it means yellow fever, 
 Chagres fever, and other epidemic illness. 
 Now, the mosquito, as you doubtless realize, 
 is a monoplane." 
 
 "A monoplane?" repeated the girl, in some 
 puzzlement. " How a monoplane ? " 
 
 "I thought you claimed some knowledge of 
 aviation. Its wings are all on one plane. The 
 great natural enemy of the mosquito is the 
 dragon-fly, one of which just paid you a visit. 
 Now, modern warfare has taught us that the 
 
 105 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 most effective assailant of the monoplane is a 
 biplane. You know that." 
 
 "Y-y-yes," said the girl doubtfully. 
 
 "Therefore, if we can breed a biplane dragon- 
 fly in sufficient numbers, we might solve the 
 mosquito problem at small expense." 
 
 "I don't know much about science," she 
 began, "but I should hardly have supposed " 
 
 "It's curious how nature varies the type of 
 aviation," he continued dreamily. "Now, the 
 pigeon is, of course, a Zeppelin; whereas the 
 sea urchin is obviously a balloon; and the 
 thistledown an undirigible " 
 
 "You're making fun of me!" she accused, 
 with sharp enlightenment. 
 
 "What else have you done to me ever since 
 we met?" he inquired mildly. 
 
 "Now I am angry! I shall go home at once." 
 
 A second far-away plop! set a period to her 
 decision. 
 
 "So shall I," said he briskly. 
 
 "Does that signal mean hurry up?" she 
 asked curiously. 
 
 "Well, it means that I'm wanted. You go 
 first. When will you come again?" 
 
 106 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Not at all." 
 
 "Do you mean that?" 
 
 "Of course. I'm angry. Did n't I tell you 
 that? I don't permit people to make fun of 
 me. Besides, you must come and see me next. 
 You owe me two calls. Will you?" 
 
 "I I don't know." 
 
 "Afraid?" 
 
 "Rather." 
 
 "Then you must surely come and conquer 
 this cowardice. Will you come to-morrow?" 
 
 "No; I don't think so." 
 
 Miss Brewster opened wide her eyes upon 
 h ; oi. She was little accustomed to have her 
 invitations, which she issued rather in the man- 
 ner of royal commands, thus casually received. 
 Had the offender been any other of her ac- 
 quaintance, she would have dropped the matter 
 and the man then and there. But this was a 
 different species. Graceful and tactful he might 
 not be, but he was honest. 
 
 "Why? "she said. 
 
 "I've got something more important to do." 
 
 "You're reverting to type sadly. What is it 
 that's so important?" 
 
 107 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Work." 
 
 "You can work any time." 
 
 "No. Unfortunately I have to eat and sleep 
 
 sometimes." 
 
 The implication she accepted quite seri- 
 ously. 
 
 "Are you really as busy as all that? I'm 
 quite conscience-stricken over the time I've 
 wasted for you." 
 
 "Not wasted at all. You Ve cheered me up." 
 
 "That's something. But you won't come 
 to the city to be cheered up?" 
 
 "Yes, I will. When I get time." 
 
 "Perhaps you won't find rne at home." 
 
 "Then I'll wait." 
 
 "Good-bye, then," she laughed, "until your 
 leisure day arrives." 
 
 She climbed the rock, stepping as strongly 
 and surely as a lithe animal. At the top, the 
 spirit of roguery, ever on her lips and eyes, 
 struck in and possessed her soul. 
 
 "O disciple of science!" she called. 
 
 "Well?" 
 
 "Can you see me?" 
 
 "Not from here." 
 
 108 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Good! I 'ma Voice again. So don't be timid. 
 Will you answer a question?" 
 
 "I've answered a hundred already. One 
 more won't hurt." 
 
 "Have you ever been in love?" 
 
 "What?" 
 
 "Don't I speak plainly enough? Have 
 you ever been in love ? " 
 
 "With a woman?" 
 
 "Why, yes," she railed. "With a woman, of 
 course. I don't mean with your musty science." 
 
 "No." 
 
 "Well, you need n't be violent. Have you 
 ever been in love with anything?" 
 
 "Perhaps." 
 
 "Oh, perhaps!" she taunted. "There are 
 no perhapses in that. With what?" 
 
 "With what every man in the world is in 
 love with once in his life," he replied thought- 
 fully. 
 
 She made a little still step forward and 
 peeped down at him. He stood leaning against 
 the face of the rock, gazing out over the hot 
 blue Caribbean, his hat pushed back and his 
 absurd goggles firm and high on his nose. His 
 
 109 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 words and voice were in preposterous contrast 
 to his appearance. 
 
 "Riddle me your riddle," she commanded. 
 "What is every man in love with once in his 
 life?" 
 
 "An ideal." 
 
 "Ah! And your ideal where do you keep 
 it safe from the common gaze?" 
 
 "I tether it to my heart with a single 
 hair," said the man below. 
 
 "Oh," commented Miss Brewster, in a 
 changed tone. And, again, "Oh," just a little 
 blankly. "I wish I hadn't asked that," she 
 confessed silently to herself, after a moment. 
 
 Still, the spirit of reckless experimentalism 
 pressed her onward. 
 
 "That's a peril to the scientific mind, you 
 know," she warned. "Suppose your ideal should 
 come true?" 
 
 " It won't," said he comfortably. 
 
 Miss Brewster's regrets sensibly mitigated. 
 
 "In that case, of course, your career is safe 
 from accident," she remarked. 
 
 He moved out into the open. 
 
 "Mr. Beetle Man," she called, 
 no 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 He looked up and saw her with her chin 
 cupped in her hand, regarding him thought- 
 fully. 
 
 "I'm not just a casual acquaintance," she 
 said suddenly. "That is, if you don't want me 
 to be." 
 
 "That's good," was his hearty comment. 
 "I'm glad you like me better than you did at 
 first." 
 
 "Oh, I 'm not so sure that I like you, exactly. 
 But I'm coming to have a sort of respectful 
 curiosity about you. What lies under that beetle 
 shell of yours, I wonder?" she mused, in a half 
 breath. 
 
 Whether or not he heard the final question 
 she could not tell. He smiled, waved his hand, 
 and disappeared. Below, she watched the 
 motion of the bush-tops where the shrubbery 
 was parted by the progress of his sturdy body 
 down the long slope. 
 
V 
 
 AN UPHOLDER OF TRADITIONS 
 
 ONE day passes much like another in Cara- 
 cuna City. The sun rises blandly, grows 
 hot and angry as it climbs the slippery polished 
 vault of the heavens, and coasts down to its 
 rest in a pleased and mild glow. From the squat 
 cathedral tower the bells clang and jangle 
 defiance to the Adversary, temporarily drown- 
 ing out the street tumult in which the yells of 
 the lottery venders, the braying of donkeys, the 
 whoops of the cabmen, and the blaring of the 
 little motor cars with big horns, combine to 
 render Caracuna the noisiest capital in the 
 world. Through the saddle-colored hordes on 
 the moot ground of the narrow sidewalks moves 
 an occasional Anglo-Saxon resident, browned 
 and sallowed, on his way to the government 
 concession that he manages; a less occasional 
 Anglo-Saxoness, browned and marked with the 
 seal that the tropics put upon every woman 
 who braves their rigors for more than a brief 
 period; and a sprinkling of tourists in groups, 
 
 112 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 flying on cheek, brow, and nose the stark red 
 of their newness to the climate. 
 
 Not of this sorority Miss Polly Brewster. 
 Having blithe regard to her duty as an orna- 
 ment of this dull world, she had tempered the 
 sun to the foreign cuticle with successively 
 diminishing layers of veils, to such good pur- 
 pose that the celestial scorcher had but kissed 
 her graduated brownness to a soft glow of color. 
 Not alone in appreciation of her external ad- 
 vantages was Miss Brewster. Such as it was, 
 and it had its qualities, albeit somewhat unfor- 
 mulated, Caracufia society gave her prompt 
 welcome. There were teas and rides and tennis 
 at the little club; there were agraeable, present- 
 able man and hospitable women; and always 
 there was Fitzhugh Carroll, suave, handsome, 
 gentle, a polished man of the world among men, 
 a courteous attendant to every woman, but 
 always with a first thought for her. Was it sheer 
 perversity of character, that elfin perversity so 
 shrewdly divined by the hermit of the mountain, 
 that put in her mind, in this far corner of the 
 world, among these strange people, the thought: 
 
 "All men are alike, and Fitz, for all that he 's so 
 113 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 different and the best of them, is the most alike." 
 Which paradox, being too much for her in the 
 heat of the day, she put aside in favor of the 
 insinuating thought of her beetle man. What- 
 ever else he might or might not be, he was n't 
 alike. She was by no means sure that she found 
 this difference either admirable or amiable. But 
 at least it was interesting. 
 
 Moreover, she was piqued. For four days 
 had passed and the recluse had not returned 
 her call. True, there had come to her hotel a 
 wicker full of superb wild tree blooms, and, 
 again, a tiny box, cunning in workmanship of 
 scented wood, containing what at first glance 
 she had taken to be a jewel, until she saw 
 that it was a tiny butterfly with opalescent 
 wings, mounted on a silver wire. But with 
 them had come no word or token of identifica- 
 tion. Perhaps they were n't from the queer 
 and remote person at all. Very likely Mr. 
 Raimonda had sent them; or Fitzhugh Carroll 
 was adding secret attention to his open hom- 
 age; or they might even be a further peace 
 offering from the Hochwald secretary. 
 
 That occasionally too festive diplomat had, 
 114 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 indeed, made amends both profound and, evi- 
 dently, sincere. Soliciting the kind offices of 
 both Sherwen and Raimonda, he had presented 
 himself, under their escort, stiff and perspiring 
 in his full official regalia, before Mr. Brewster; 
 then before his daughter, whose solemnity, pres- 
 ently breaking down before his painfully re- 
 hearsed English, dissolved in fluent French, 
 setting him at ease and making him her slave. 
 Poor penitent Von Plaanden even apologized 
 to Carroll, fortunately not having heard of the 
 American's threat, and made a most favorable 
 impression upon that precisian. 
 
 "Intoxicated, he may be a rough, Miss 
 Polly," Carroll confided to the girl. "But 
 sober, the man is a gentleman. He feels very 
 badly about the whole affair. Offered to your 
 father to report it all through official channels 
 and attach his resignation." 
 
 "Not for worlds!" cried Miss Polly. "The 
 poor man was half asleep. And Mr. Bee Mr. 
 Perkins did jog him rather sharply." 
 
 "Yes. Von Plaanden asked my advice as an 
 American about his attitude toward Cluff and 
 Perkins." 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "I hope you told him to let the whole thing 
 drop." 
 
 "Exactly what I did. I explained about 
 Cluff; that he was a very good fellow, but 
 of a different class, and probably would n't 
 give the thing another thought.'* 
 
 "And Mr. Perkins?" 
 
 "Von Plaanden wanted to challenge him, if 
 he could find him. I suggested that he leave me 
 to deal with Mr. Perkins. After some discus- 
 sion, he agreed." 
 
 "Oh! And what are you going to do with 
 him?" 
 
 "Find him first, if lean." 
 
 "I can tell you where." Carroll stared at 
 her, astonished. "But I don't think I will." 
 
 "He announced his intention of keeping out 
 of my way. The man has no sense of shame." 
 
 "You probably scared the poor lamb out of 
 his wits, fire-eater that you are." 
 
 Carroll would have liked to think so, but 
 an innate sense of justice beneath his crust 
 of prejudice forbade him to accept this judg- 
 ment. 
 
 "The strange part of it is that he daes n't 
 116 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 impress me as being afraid. But there is cer- 
 tainly something very wrong with the fellow. 
 A man who will deliberately desert a woman 
 in distress " Carroll's manner expanded into 
 the roundly rhetorical " whatever else he 
 may be, cannot be a gentleman." 
 
 "There might have been mitigating cir- 
 cumstances." 
 
 "No circumstances could excuse such an 
 action. And, after that, the fellow had the 
 effrontery to send you a message." 
 
 "Me? What was it?" asked Miss Polly 
 quickly. 
 
 "I don't know. I did n't let him finish. I 
 forbade his even mentioning your name." 
 
 "Indeed!" cried the girl, in quick dudgeon. 
 "Don't you think you are taking a great deal 
 upon yourself, Fitz? What do you really know 
 about Mr. Perkins, anyway, that you judge 
 him so offhandedly?" 
 
 "Very little, but enough, I think. And I 
 hardly think you know more." 
 
 "Then you're wrong. I do." 
 
 "You know this man?" 
 
 "Yes; I do." 
 
 117 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Does your father approve of " 
 
 "Never mind my father! He has confidence 
 enough in me to let me judge of my own friends." 
 
 " Friends ? " Carroll's handsome face clouded 
 and reddened. "If I had known that he was a 
 friend of yours, Miss Polly, I never would have 
 spoken as I did. I'm most sincerely sorry," he 
 added, with grave courtesy. 
 
 The girl's color deepened under the brown. 
 
 "He is n't exactly a friend," she admitted. 
 "I've just met and talked with him a few 
 times. But your judgment seemed so unfair, on 
 such a slight basis." 
 
 "I'm sorry I. can't reverse my judgment," 
 said the Southerner stiffly. "But I know of 
 only one standard for those matters." 
 
 "That's just your trouble." Her eyes took on 
 a cold gleam as she scanned the perfection and 
 finish of the man before her. "Fitzhugh, do 
 you wear ready-made clothing?" 
 
 "Of course not," he answered, in surprise at 
 this turn. 
 
 "Your suits are all made to order?" 
 
 "Yes, Miss Polly." 
 
 "And your shirts?" 
 
 118 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Yes, and shoes, and various other things." 
 He smiled. 
 
 "Why do you have them specially made?" 
 
 "Because they suit me better, and I can 
 afford it." 
 
 "It's really because you want them indi- 
 vidualized for you, is n't it?" 
 
 "Yes; I suppose so." 
 
 "Then why do you always get your mental 
 clothes ready-made?" 
 
 "I don't think I understand, Miss Polly," 
 he said gently. 
 
 "It seems to me that all your ideas and esti- 
 mates and standards are of stock pattern," she 
 explained relentlessly. "Inside, you're as just 
 exactly so as a pair of wooden shoes. Can't 
 you see that you can't judge all men on the 
 same plane?" 
 
 " I see that you 're angry with me, and I see 
 that I'm being punished for what I said about 
 - about Mr. Perkins. If I'd known that you 
 took any interest in him, I 'd have bitten my 
 tongue in two before speaking as I did. As for 
 the message, if you wish it, I'll go to him " 
 
 "Oh, that does n't matter," she interrupted. 
 119 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "This much I can say, in honesty," con- 
 tinued the Southerner, with an effort: "I had 
 a talk, almost an encounter, with him in the 
 plaza, and I don't believe he is the coward I 
 thought him." 
 
 His intent to be fair to the object of his 
 scorn was so genuine that his critic felt a swift 
 access of compunction. 
 
 "Oh, Fitz," she said sweetly, "you're not 
 to blame. I should have told you. And you're 
 honest and loyal and a gentleman. Only I 
 wish sometimes that you weren't quite so 
 awfully gentlemanly a gentleman." 
 
 The Southerner made a gesture of despair. 
 
 " If I could only understand you, Miss Polly ! " 
 
 "Don't hope it. I've never yet understood 
 myself. But there's a sympathy in me for the 
 under dog, and this Mr. Perkins seems a sort 
 of helpless creature. Yet in another way he 
 does n't seem helpless at all. Quite the reverse. 
 Oh, dear! I'm tired of Perkins, Perkins, Per- 
 kins! Let's talk about something pleasanter 
 like the plague." 
 
 "What's that about Perkins?" Galpy had 
 entered the drawing-room where the conversa- 
 
 120 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 tion had been carried on, and now crossed over 
 to them. "I'll tell you a good one on the little 
 blighteh. D' you know what they call him 
 at the Club Amicitia since his adventure on 
 the street car, Miss Brewster?" 
 
 "What?" 
 
 "'The Unspeakable Perk.' Rippin', ain't 
 it? Like 'The Unspeakable Turk,' you know." 
 
 Despite herself, Polly's lips twitched; in some 
 ways he was unspeakable. 
 
 "They've nicknamed him that because of 
 his trying to help me, and then leaving?" 
 she asked. 
 
 "Oh, not entirely. There's other things. 
 He's a nahsty, stand-offish way with him, you 
 know. Don't-want-to-know-yeh trick. Would 
 n't-speak-to-yeh-if-I-could-help-it twist to his 
 face. 'The Unspeakable Perk.' Stands him 
 right, I should say. There's other reasons, 
 too." 
 
 "What are they?" 
 
 She saw a quick, warning frown on Carroll's 
 sharply turned face. Galpy noted it, too, and 
 was lost in confusion. 
 
 "Oh ah just gossip nothing at all. 
 
 121 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 I say, Miss Brewster, the railway I 'm in 
 the Ferrocarril-del-Norte office, you know 
 has offered your party a special on an hour's 
 notice, any time you want it." 
 
 "That's most kind of your road, Mr. Galpy. 
 But why should we want it?" 
 
 "Things might be getting a bit ticklish any 
 day now. I've just taken the message from 
 the manager to your father." 
 
 The young Englishman took his leave, and 
 Polly Brewster went to her room, to freshen up 
 for luncheon, carrying with her the sobriquet 
 she had just heard. Certainly, applied to its 
 subject, it had a mucilaginous consistency. 
 It stuck. 
 
 "'The Unspeakable Perk,'" she repeated, 
 with a little chuckle. " If I had a month to train 
 him in, oh, what a speakable Perk I 'd make 
 him! I'd make him into a Perk that would 
 sit up and speak when I lifted my little finger." 
 She considered this. "I'm not so sure," she 
 concluded, more doubtfully. "How can one 
 tell through those horrid glasses, particularly 
 when one does n't see him for days and 
 days?" 
 
 122 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Without moving, she might, however, have 
 seen him forthwith, for at that precise and 
 particular moment, the Unspeakable Perk was 
 in plain sight of her window, on a bench in the 
 corner of the plaza, engaged in light conversa- 
 tion with a legless and philosophical beggar 
 whom he had just astonished by the presenta- 
 tion of a whole bolivar, of the value of twenty 
 cents gold. 
 
 After she had finished luncheon and returned 
 to her room, he was still there. Not until the 
 mid-heat of the afternoon, however, did she 
 observe, first with puzzlement, then with a start 
 of recognition, the patiently rounded brown 
 back of the forward-leaning figure in the corner. 
 Greatly wroth was Miss Polly Brewster. For 
 some hours two, at least the man to keep 
 tryst and wager with whom she had tramped 
 up miles of mountain road had been in town 
 and had n't called upon her! Truly was he an 
 Unspeakable Perk ! 
 
 Was n't there possibly a mistake somewhere, 
 though? A second peep at the far-away back 
 interpreted into the curve a suggestion of re- 
 signed waiting. Maybe he had called, after all. 
 
 123 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Thought being usually with Miss Brewster the 
 mother of the twins, Determination and Ac- 
 tion, she slipped downstairs and inquired of the 
 three guardians of the door, in such Spanish 
 as she could muster, whether a Mr. Perkins, 
 wearing large glasses this in the universal 
 sign manual had been to see her that day. 
 
 " Si, Senorita" he had. 
 
 Why, then, had n't his name been brought 
 to her? 
 
 Extended hands and up-shrugged shoulders 
 that might mean either apology or incompre- 
 hension. 
 
 Straightway Miss Brewster pinned a hat upon 
 her brown head at an altogether casual and 
 heart-distracting angle and sallied down into 
 the tesselated bowl of the park. Quite uncon- 
 scious of her approach, until she was close upon 
 him, her objective chatted fluently with the 
 legless one, until she spoke quietly, almost in his 
 ear. Then it was only by a clutch at the bench 
 back that he saved himself from disaster on his 
 return to earth. 
 
 "Wh-wh-what wh-where how did you 
 come here?" he stuttered. 
 
 124 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Now, now, don't be alarmed," she ad- 
 monished. "Shut your eyes, draw a deep 
 breath, count three. And, as soon as you are 
 ready I'll give you a talisman against social 
 panic. Are you ready?" 
 
 "Y-yes." 
 
 "Very well. Whenever I come upon you 
 suddenly, you must n't try to jump up into a 
 tree as you did just now " 
 
 "I did n't!" 
 
 "Oh, yes. Or burrow under a rock, as you 
 did the other day " 
 
 "MissB-B-Brewster " 
 
 "Wait until I've finished. You must turn 
 your thoughts firmly upon your science, until 
 you've recovered equilibrium and the power of 
 human speech." 
 
 "But when you jump at me that way, I 
 c-c-can't think of anything but you." 
 
 "That's where the charm comes in. As 
 soon as you see me or hear me approaching, 
 you must repeat, quite slowly, this scien- 
 tific incantation." She beat time with a pink 
 and rhythmic finger as she chanted: 
 "Scarab, tarantula, doodle-bug, flea." 
 125 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 The beggar rapidly made the sign that pro- 
 tects one from the influence of the malign and 
 supernatural. The scientist scowled. 
 
 "Repeat it!" she commanded. 
 
 "There is no such insect as a doodle-bug," 
 he protested feebly. 
 
 "Isn't there? I thought I heard you men- 
 tion it in your conversation with Mr. Carroll 
 the other night." 
 
 "You put that into my head," he accused. 
 
 "Truly? Then life is indeed real and earnest. 
 To have introduced something unscientific 
 into that compendium of science there's 
 triumph enough for any ambition. Besides, 
 see how beautifully it scans." 
 
 Again she beat time, and again the beggar 
 crooked defensive fingers as she declaimed: 
 
 " Scar-sib, tar-0nMi-la, </oo-dle-bug, flta ! 
 
 Homeric, I call it. Perhaps you think you 
 could improve on it." 
 
 "Would you mind substituting 'neuropter* 
 in the third strophe?" he ventured. "It would 
 be just as good as 'doodle-bug,' and more 
 
 more accurate." 
 
 126 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "What's a neuropter? You did n't make 
 him up for the occasion ? " 
 
 "Heaven forbid! The dragon-fly is a neu- 
 ropter. The dragon-fly we're going to breed 
 to a biplane, you know," he reminded her 
 slyly. 
 
 "Indeed! Well, I shall stick to my doodle- 
 bug. He's more euphonious. Now, repeat it." 
 
 "Let me off this time," he pleaded. "I'm 
 all right quite recovered. It's only at the 
 start that it's so bad." 
 
 "Very well," she agreed. "But you're not 
 to forget it. And next time we meet you're to 
 be sure and say it over until you're sane." 
 
 "Sane!" he said resentfully. "I'm as sane as 
 any one you know. It's the job of keeping sane 
 in this madhouse of the tropics that's almost 
 driven me crazy." 
 
 "Lovely!" she approved. "Well, now that 
 you've recovered, I'll tell you what I came out 
 to say. I'm sorry that I missed you." 
 
 "Missed me?" he repeated. "Oh, you 
 have missed me, then? That's nice. You see, 
 I've been so busy for the last three or four 
 days" 
 
 127 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "No; I have n't missed you a bit," she 
 declared indignantly. "The conceit of the 
 man!" 
 
 "But you said you w-w-were sorry you'd " 
 
 "Don't be wholly a beetle! I meant I was 
 sorry not to see you when you came to call on 
 me this morning." 
 
 " I did n't come to call on you this morn- 
 ing." 
 
 "No? The boy at the door said he'd seen 
 you, or something answering to your descrip- 
 tion." 
 
 "So he did. I came to see your father. He 
 was out." 
 
 "What time?" 
 
 "From eleven on." 
 
 "Father? No, I don't think so." 
 
 "His secretary came down and told me so, 
 or sent word each time." 
 
 She smiled pityingly at him. 
 
 "Of course. That's what a secretary is for." 
 
 "To tell lies?" 
 
 "White lies. You see, dad is a very busy 
 man, and an important man, and many people 
 come to see him whom he has n't time to see. 
 
 128 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 So, unless he knew your business, he would 
 naturally be 'out' to you." 
 
 The corners of the young man's rather sen- 
 sitive mouth flattened out perceptibly. 
 
 "Ah, I see. My mistake. Living in countries 
 wl 3re, however queer the people may be, they 
 at least observe ordinary human courtesies, 
 one forgets if one ever knew." 
 
 "What did you want of dad?" 
 
 "Oh, to borrow four dollars of him, of 
 course," he replied dryly. 
 
 "You need n't be angry at me. You see, 
 dad's time is valuable. 
 
 "Indeed? To whom?" 
 
 "Why, to himself, of course." 
 
 "Oh, well, my time However, that does n't 
 matter. I have n't wholly wasted it." He 
 glanced toward the beggar, who was profoundly 
 regarding the cathedral clock. 
 
 "If you like, I'll get you an interview with 
 dad," she offered magnanimously. 
 
 "Me? No, I thank you," he said crisply. 
 "I'm not patient of unnecessary red tape." 
 
 Miss Brewster looked at him in surprise. 
 It was borne in upon her, as she looked, that 
 
 129 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 this man was not accustomed to being lightly 
 regarded by other men, however busy or im- 
 portant; that his own concerns in life were quite 
 as weighty to him, and in his esteem, perhaps, 
 to others, as were the interests of any magnate; 
 and that, man to man, there would be no shy- 
 ness or indecision or purposelessness anywhere 
 in his make-up. 
 
 "If it was important," she began hesitantly, 
 "my father would be " 
 
 " It was of no importance to me," he cut in. 
 "To others Perhaps I could see some one 
 else of your party." 
 
 "Well, here I am." She smiled. "Why won't 
 I do?" 
 
 Behind the obscuring disks she could feel his 
 glance read her. The grimness at the mouth's 
 corners relaxed. 
 
 " I really don't know why you should n't." 
 
 "Dad says I'd have made a man of affairs," 
 she remarked. 
 
 "Why, it's just this. You should be plan- 
 ning to leave this country." 
 
 Miss Brews ter bewailed her harsh lot with 
 drooping lip. 
 
 130 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Every one wants to drive me away!" 
 
 "Who else?" 
 
 "That railroad man, Mr. Galpy, was offering 
 us special inducements to leave, in the form 
 of special trains any time we liked. It is n't 
 hospitable." 
 
 "A jail is hospitable. But one does n't stay 
 in it when one can get out." 
 
 "If Caracuna were the jail and I the 'one,' 
 one might. I quite love it here." 
 
 He made a sharp gesture of annoyance. 
 
 "Don't be childish," he said. 
 
 "Childish? You come down like Freedom 
 from the mountain heights, and unfurl your 
 warnings to the air, and complain of lost time 
 and all that sort of thing, and what does it all 
 amount to?" she demanded, with spirit. "That 
 we should sail away, when you know perfectly 
 well that the Dutch won't let us sail away! 
 Childish, indeed! Don't you be beetlish!" 
 
 "There's a way out, without much risk, 
 but some discomfort. You could strike south- 
 east to the Bird Reefs, take a small boat, and 
 get over to the mainland. As soon as the 
 blockade is off, the yacht can take your luggage 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 around. The trip would be rough for you, but 
 not dangerous. Not as dangerous as staying 
 here may be." 
 
 "Do you really think it so serious?" 
 
 "Most emphatically." 
 
 "Will you come with us and show us the 
 way?" she inquired, gazing with exaggerated 
 appeal into his goggles. 
 
 "I? No." 
 
 "What shall you do?" 
 
 "Stick." 
 
 "Pins through scarabs," she laughed, "while 
 beneath you Caracufia riots and revolutes and 
 massacres foreigners. Nero with his fiddle was 
 nothing to you. " 
 
 " Miss Brewster, I 'm afraid you are suffering 
 from a misplaced sense of humor. Will you 
 believe me when I tell you that I have certain 
 sources of information in local matters both 
 serviceable and reliable?" 
 
 "You seem to have bet on a certainty in the 
 Dutch blockade matter." 
 
 "Well, it's equally certain that there is bu- 
 bonic plague here." 
 
 "A bola. You told me so yourself." 
 132 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 " Perhaps there was nothing to be gained 
 then by letting you know, as you were bottled 
 up, with no way out. Now, through the good 
 offices of a foreign official, who, of course, 
 couldn't afford to appear, this opportunity 
 to reach the mainland is open to you." 
 
 "Had you anything to do with that?" she 
 inquired suspiciously. 
 
 "Oh, the official is a friend of mine," he 
 answered carelessly. 
 
 "And you really believe that there is an 
 epidemic of plague here? Don't you think that 
 I'd make a good Red Cross nurse?" 
 
 His voice was grave and rather stern. 
 
 "You've never seen bubonic plague," he 
 said, " or you would n't joke about it." 
 
 "I'm sorry. But it was n't wholly a joke. 
 If we were really cooped up with an epidemic, 
 I'd volunteer. What else would there be to 
 do?" 
 
 "Nothing of the sort," he cried vehemently. 
 "You don't know what you're talking about." 
 
 "Anyway, is n't the wonderful Luther Pruyn 
 on his way to exorcise the demon, or something 
 of the sort?" 
 
 133 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "What about Luther Pruyn? Who says 
 he's coining here?" 
 
 "It's the gossip of the diplomatic set and 
 the clubs. He's the favorite mystery of the 
 day." 
 
 "Well, if he does come, it won't improve 
 matters any, for the first case he verifies he'll 
 clap on a quarantine that a mouse could n't 
 creep through. I know something of the Pruyn 
 method." 
 
 "And don't wholly approve it, I judge." 
 
 "It may be efficacious, but it's extremely 
 inconvenient at times." 
 
 Again the cathedral clock boomed. 
 
 "See how I've kept you from your own 
 affairs!" cried Miss Polly contritely. "What 
 are you going to do now? Go back to your 
 mountains?" 
 
 "Yes. As soon as you tell me that your father 
 will go out by the reefs." 
 
 "Do you expect him to make up his mind, 
 on five minutes' notice, to abandon his yacht?" 
 
 "I thought great magnates were supposed 
 to be men of instant and unalterable decisions. 
 I don't know the type." 
 
 134 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Anyway, dad has gone out. I saw him 
 drive away. Wouldn't to-morrow do?" 
 
 "Why, yes; I suppose so." 
 
 "I'll tell you. The Voice will report at the 
 rock to-morrow, at four." 
 
 "No." 
 
 "What a very uncompromising 'no'!" 
 
 "I can't be there at four. Make it five." 
 
 "What a very arbitrary beetle man! Well, 
 as I've wasted so much of your time to-day, 
 I '11 accept your orders for to-morrow." 
 
 "And please impress your father with the 
 extreme advisability of your getting off this 
 island." 
 
 "Yes, sir," she said meekly. "You'll be 
 most awfully glad to get rid of us, won't 
 you?" 
 
 "Very greatly relieved." 
 
 "And a little bit sorry?" 
 
 The begoggled face turned toward her. There 
 was a perceptible tensity in the line of the jaw. 
 But the beetle man made no answer. 
 
 "Now, if I could see behind those glasses," 
 said Miss Polly Brewster to her wicked little 
 self, "I'd probably bite myself rather than say 
 
 135 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 it again. Just the same And a little bit 
 sorry?" she persisted aloud. 
 
 "Does that matter?" said the man quietly. 
 
 Miss Polly Brewster forthwith bit herself on 
 her pink and wayward tongue. 
 
 "Don't think I'm not grateful," she em- 
 ployed that chastened member to say. "I 
 am, most deeply. So will father be, even if 
 he decides not to leave. I'm afraid that's what 
 he will decide." 
 
 "He must n't." 
 
 "Tell him that yourself." 
 
 "I will, if it becomes necessary." 
 
 "Let me be present at the interview. Most 
 people are afraid of dad. Perhaps you'd be, 
 
 too." 
 
 "I could always run away," he remarked, 
 unsmiling. "You know how well I do it." 
 
 "I must do it now myself, and get arrayed 
 for the daily tea sacrifice. Au revoir." 
 
 " Hasta mafiana," he said absently. 
 
 She had turned to go, but at the word she 
 came slowly back a pace or two, smiling. 
 
 "What a strange beetle man you are!" she 
 said softly. "I have no other friends like you. 
 
 136 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 You are a friend, are n't you, in your queer 
 way?" She did not wait for an answer, but 
 went on: "You don't come to see me when I 
 ask you. You don't send me any word. You 
 make me feel that, compared to your concerns 
 with beetles and flies, I'm quite hopelessly 
 unimportant. And yet here I find you giving 
 up your own pursuits and wasting your time to 
 plan and watch and think for us." 
 
 "For you," he corrected. 
 
 "For me," she accepted sweetly. "What an 
 ungrateful little pig you must think me! But 
 truly inside I appreciate it and thank you, and 
 I think I feel that perhaps it amounts to a 
 lot more than I know." 
 
 He made a gesture of negation. 
 
 "No great thing," he said. "But it's the 
 best I can do, anyway. Do you remember what 
 the mediaeval mummer said, when he came 
 bearing his poor homage?" 
 
 "No. Tell it to me." 
 
 "It runs like this: 'Lady, who art nowise 
 bitter to those who serve you with a good in- 
 tent, that which thy servant is, that he is for 
 
 you." ; 
 
 137 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Polly Brewster," said the girl to herself, 
 as she walked, slowly and musingly, back to 
 her room, "the busy haunts of men are more 
 suited to your style than the free-and-un- 
 trammeled spaces of nature, and well you 
 know it. But you'll go to-morrow and you'll 
 keep on going until you find out what is behind 
 those brown-green goblin spectacles. If only 
 he did n't look so like a gnome ! " 
 
 The clause conditional, introduced by the 
 word "if," does not always imply a conclusion, 
 even in the mind of the propounder. Miss 
 Brewster would have been hard put to it to 
 round out her subjunctive. 
 
VI 
 
 FORKED TONGUES 
 
 T)OOH!" said Thatcher Brewster. 
 JL Thatcher Brewster's "Pooh!" is generally 
 recognized in the realm of high finance as 
 carrying weight. It is not derisive or contempt- 
 uous; it is dismissive. The subject of it simply 
 ceases to exist. In the present instance, it was 
 so mild as scarcely to stir the smoke from his 
 after-dinner cigar, yet it had all the intent, if 
 not the effect, of finality. The reason why it 
 had n't the effect was that it was directed at 
 Thatcher Brewster's daughter. 
 
 "Perhaps not quite so much 'Pooh!' as you 
 think," was that damsel's reception of the 
 pregnant monosyllable. 
 
 "A bug-hunter from nowhere! Don't I know 
 that type?" said the magnate, who confounded 
 all scientists with inventors, the capital-seeking 
 inventor being the bane and torment of his life. 
 
 "He knew about the Dutch blockade." 
 
 "Or pretended he did. I 'm afraid my Polli- 
 pet has let herself romanticize a little." 
 
 139 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Romanticize!" The girl laughed. "If you 
 could see him, dad! Romance and my poor 
 little beetle man don't live in the same 
 world." 
 
 Out of the realm of memory, where the echoes 
 come and go by no known law, sounded his 
 voice in her ear: " 'That which thy servant is, 
 that he is for you.'" Dim doubt forthwith be- 
 began to cloud the bright certainty of Miss 
 Brewster's verdict. 
 
 "If he's gone to all the trouble that I told you 
 of, it must be that he has some good reason 
 for wanting to get us safely out," she argued 
 to her father. 
 
 "Perhaps he feels that his peace of mind 
 would be more assured if you were in some 
 other country," he teased. "No, my dear, I'm 
 not leaving a full-manned yacht in a foreign 
 harbor and smuggling myself out of a friendly 
 country on the say-so of an unknown adviser, 
 whose chief ability seems to lie in the hundred- 
 yard dash." 
 
 "I think that's unfair and ungrateful. If 
 a man with a sword " 
 
 "When I begin a row, I stay with it," said 
 140 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Mr. Brewster grimly. "Quitters and I don't 
 pull well together." 
 
 "Then I'm to tell him 'No'?" 
 
 "Positively." 
 
 "Not so positively at all. I shall say, 'No, 
 thank you,' in my very nicest way, and say 
 that you're very grateful and appreciative and 
 not at all the growly old bear of a dad that you 
 pretend to be when one does n't know and love 
 you. And perhaps I '11 invite him to dine here 
 and go away on the yacht with us " 
 
 "And graciously accept a couple of hundred 
 thousand dollars bonus, and come into the 
 company as first vice-president," chuckled her 
 father. "And then he'll wake up and find he's 
 been sitting on a cactus. See here," he added, 
 with a sharpening of tone, " do you suppose he 
 could get a cablegram for transmission to 
 Washington over to the mainland for us by 
 this mysterious route of his?" 
 
 "Very likely." 
 
 "You're really sure you want to go, Pollipet? 
 This is your cruise, you know." 
 
 "Yes, I do." 
 
 Hitherto Miss Polly had been declaring to all 
 141 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 and sundry, including the beetle man himself, 
 that it was her firm intent and pleasure to stay 
 on the island and observe the presumptively 
 interesting events that promised. That she had 
 reversed this decision, on the unsolicited coun- 
 sel of an extremely queer stranger, was a phe- 
 nomenon the peculiarity of which did not strike 
 her at the time. All that she felt was a settled 
 confidence in the beetle man's sound reason for 
 his advice. 
 
 "Very good," said Mr. Brewster. "If I can 
 get through a message to the State Depart- 
 ment, they'll bring pressure to bear on the 
 Dutch, and we can take the yacht through the 
 blockade. It's only a question of finding a 
 way to lay the matter before the Dutch au- 
 thorities, anyway. I Ve been making inquiries 
 here, and I find there 's no intention of bottling 
 up neutral pleasure craft. I dare say we could 
 get out now. Only it's possible that the Hol- 
 landers might shoot first and ask questions 
 afterward." 
 
 "It would have to be done quickly, dad. 
 They may quarantine at any time." 
 
 "Dr. Pruyn ought to be here any day now. 
 142 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Let's leave that matter for him. There's a 
 man I have confidence in." 
 
 "Mr. Perkins says that Dr. Pruyn will bottle 
 up the port tighter than the Dutch." 
 
 "Let him, so long as we get out first. Now, 
 Polly, you tell this man Perkins that I '11 pay all 
 expenses and give him a round hundred for 
 himself if he'll bring me a receipt showing that 
 my cablegram has been dispatched to Wash- 
 ington." 
 
 "I don't think I'd quite like to do that, 
 dad. He isn't the sort of man one offers 
 money to." 
 
 "Every one's the sort of man one offers 
 money to if it's enough," retorted her 
 father. "And a hundred dollars will look 
 pretty big to a scientific man. I know some- 
 thing about their salaries. You try him." 
 
 "So far as expenses go, I will. But I won't 
 hurt his feelings by trying to pay him for 
 something that he would do for friendship or 
 not at all." 
 
 "Have it your own way. When is he coming 
 in?" 
 
 "He is n't coming in." 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Then where are you going to see him?" 
 
 "Up on the mountain trail, when I ride to- 
 morrow afternoon." 
 
 "With Carroll?" 
 
 "No; I'm going alone." 
 
 "I don't quite like to have you knocking 
 about mountain roads by yourself, though 
 Mr. Sherwen says you're safe anywhere here. 
 Where's that little automatic revolver I gave 
 you?" 
 
 " In my trunk. I '11 carry that if it will make 
 you feel any easier." 
 
 "Yes, do. But I can't see why you can't 
 send word to Perkins that I want to see him 
 here." 
 
 " I can. And I can guess just what his answer 
 would be." 
 
 "Well, guess ahead." 
 
 "He'd tell you to go to the bad place, or its 
 scientific equivalent." She laughed. 
 
 "Would he?" Mr. Brewster did not laugh. 
 "And perhaps you'll be good enough to tell 
 me why." 
 
 "Because you sent word that you were out 
 when he called." 
 
 144 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Humph! I see people when / want to see 
 them, not when they want to see me." 
 
 "Then Mr. Perkins is likely to prove per- 
 manently invisible to you, if I'm any judge 
 of character." 
 
 "Well, well," said Mr. Brewster impatiently, 
 "manage it yourself. Only impress on him the 
 necessity of getting the message on the wire. 
 I '11 write it out to-night and give it to you 
 with the money to-morrow." 
 
 After luncheon on the following day, Polly, 
 with the cablegram and money in her purse 
 and her automatic safely disposed in her belt, 
 walked in the plaza with Carroll. The legless 
 beggar whined at them for alms. Handing him 
 a quartillo, the Southerner would have passed 
 on, but his companion stood eyeing the men- 
 dicant. 
 
 "Now, what can there be in that poor wreck 
 to captivate the scientific intellect?" she mar- 
 veled. 
 
 "If you mean Mr. Perkins " began Car- 
 roll. 
 
 "I do." 
 
 "Then I think perhaps the reason for some 
 I4S 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 of that gentleman's associations will hardly 
 stand inquiry." 
 
 The girl turned her eyes on him and searched 
 the handsome, serious face. 
 
 "Fitz, you're not the man to say that of 
 another man without some good reason." 
 
 "I am not, Miss Polly." 
 
 ''You think that Mr. Perkins is not the 
 kind of man for me to have anything to do 
 with?" 
 
 "I I'm afraid he is n't." 
 
 "Don't you think that, having gone so far, 
 you ought to tell me why?" 
 
 Carroll flushed. 
 
 "I would rather tell your father." 
 
 "Are you implying a scandal in connection 
 with my timid, little dried-up scientist?" 
 
 "I'm only saying," said the other doggedly, 
 "that there's something secret and under- 
 handed about that place of his in the moun- 
 tains. It's a matter of common gossip." 
 
 The girl laughed outright. 
 
 "The poor beetle man! Why, he's so afraid 
 of a woman that he goes all to pieces if one 
 speaks to him suddenly. Just to see his ex- 
 
 146 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 pression, I'd like to tell him that he's being 
 scandalized by all Caracuiia." 
 
 "You're going to see him again?" 
 
 "Certainly. This afternoon." 
 
 "I don't think you should, Miss Polly." 
 
 "Have you any actual facts against him? 
 Anything but casual gossip?" 
 
 "No; not yet." 
 
 "When you have, I'll listen to you. But 
 you could n't make me believe it, anyway. 
 Why, Fitz, look at him!" 
 
 "Take me with you," insisted the other, " and 
 let me ask him a question or two that any 
 honorable man could answer. They don't call 
 him the Unspeakable Perk for nothing, Miss 
 Polly." 
 
 "It's just because they don't understand 
 his type. Nor do you, Fitz, and so you mistrust 
 him." 
 
 "I understand that you've shown more in- 
 terest in him than in any one you know," said 
 the other miserably. 
 
 Her laugh rang as free and frank as a child's. 
 
 "Interest? That's true. But if you mean 
 sentiment, Fitz, after once having looked into 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 the depths of those absurd goggles, can you, 
 could you think of sentiment and the beetle 
 man in the same breath?" 
 
 "No, I couldn't," he confessed, relieved. 
 "But, then, I never have been able to under- 
 stand you, Miss Polly." 
 
 "Therein lies my fatal charm," she said 
 saucily. "Now, to the beetle man, I'm a speci- 
 men. He understands as much as he wants to. 
 Probably I shall never see him after to-day, 
 anyway. He's going to get a message through 
 for us that will deliver us from this land of 
 bondage." 
 
 "He can't do it too soon for me," declared 
 Carroll. "And, Miss Polly, you don't think 
 the worse of me for having said behind his 
 back what Pm just waiting to say to his 
 face?" 
 
 "Not a bit," said the girl warmly. "Only 
 I know it's nonsense." 
 
 "I hope so," said Carroll, quite honestly. 
 "I would hate to think anything low-down of 
 a man you'd call your friend." 
 
 Carroll had learned more than he had told, 
 but less than enough to give him what he con- 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 sidered proper evidence to lay before Polly's 
 father. After some deliberation as to the point 
 of honor involved, he decided to go to Rai- 
 monda, who, alone in Caracufia City, seemed 
 to be on personal terms with the hermit. He 
 found the young man in his office. With entire 
 frankness, Carroll stated his errand and the 
 reason for it. The Caracuiian heard him with 
 grave courtesy. 
 
 "And now, sefior," concluded the American, 
 "here's my question, and it's for you to deter- 
 mine whether, under the circumstances, you are 
 justified in giving me an answer. Is there a 
 woman living in Mr. Perkins's quinta on the 
 mountains?" 
 
 "I cannot answer that question," said the 
 other, after some deliberation. 
 
 " I 'm sorry," said Carroll simply. 
 
 "I also. The more so in that my attitude 
 may be misconstrued against Mr. Perkins. I 
 am bound by confidence." 
 
 " So I infer," returned his visitor courteously. 
 "Then I have only to ask your pardon " 
 
 "One moment, if you please, sefior. Per- 
 haps this will serve to make easy your mind. 
 
 149 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 On my word, there is nothing in Mr. Perkins's 
 life on the mountain in any manner dishonor- 
 able or or irregular." 
 
 In a flash, the simple solution crossed Car- 
 roll's mind. That a woman was there, and a 
 woman not of the servant class, could hardly 
 be doubted, in view of almost direct evidence 
 from eyewitnesses. If there was nothing ir- 
 regular about her presence, it was because she 
 was Perkins's wife. In view of Raimonda's 
 attitude, he did not feel free to put the di- 
 rect query. Another question would serve his 
 purpose. 
 
 "Is it advisable, and for the best interests 
 of Miss Brewster, that she should associate 
 with him under the circumstances?" 
 
 The Caracuiian started and shot a glance 
 at his interlocutor that said, as plainly as words, 
 "How much do you know that you are not 
 telling?" had the latter not been too intent 
 upon his own theory to interpret it. 
 
 "Ah, that," said Raimonda, after a pause, 
 "that is another question. If it were my 
 sister, or any one dear to me But" he 
 shrugged "views on that matter differ." 
 
 150 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "I hardly think that yours and mine differ, 
 senor. I thank you for bearing with me with 
 so much patience." 
 
 He went out with his suspicions hardened 
 into certainty. 
 
VII 
 
 "THAT WHICH THY SERVANT is " 
 
 A MAN that you'd call your friend." 
 Such had been Fitzhugh Carroll's ref- 
 erence to the Unspeakable Perk. With that 
 characterization in her mind. Miss Brewster 
 let herself drift, after her suitor had left her, 
 into a dreamy consideration of the hermit's 
 attitude toward her. She was not prone lightly 
 to employ the terms of friendship, yet this new 
 and casual acquaintance had shown a readi- 
 ness to serve not as cavalier, but as friend 
 none too common in the experience of the much- 
 courted and a little spoiled beauty. Being, 
 indeed, a "lady nowise bitter to those who 
 served her with good intent," she reflected, 
 with a kindly light in her eyes, that it was all 
 part and parcel of the beetle's man's amiable 
 queerness. 
 
 Still musing upon this queerness, she strolled 
 back to find her mount waiting at the corner 
 of the plaza. In consideration of the heat she 
 let her cream-colored mule choose his own 
 
 152 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 pace, so they proceeded quite slowly up the 
 hill road, both absorbed in meditation, which 
 ceased only when the mule started an argu- 
 ment about a turn in the trail. He was a well- 
 bred trotting mule, worth six hundred dollars 
 in gold of any man's money, and he was self- 
 appreciative in knowledge of the fact. He 
 brought a singular firmness of purpose to the 
 support of the negative of her proposition, 
 which was that he should swing north from 
 the broad into the narrow path. When the 
 debate was over, St. John the Baptist this, 
 I hesitate to state, yet must, it being the 
 truth, was the spirited animal's name was 
 considerably chastened, and Miss Brewster 
 more than a trifle flushed. She left him tied to 
 a ceiba branch at the exit from the dried creek 
 bed, with strict instructions not to kick, lest 
 a worse thing befall him. Miss Brewster's 
 fighting blood was up, when, ten minutes late, 
 because of the episode, she reached the summit 
 of the rock. 
 
 "Oh, Mr. Beetle Man, are you there? "she 
 called. 
 
 "Yes, Voice. You sound strange. What is it?" 
 153 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "I've been hurrying, and if you tell me I'm 
 late, I'll I'll fall on your neck again and 
 break it." 
 
 "Has anything happened?" 
 
 "Nothing in particular. I've been boxing 
 the compass with a mule. It's tiresome." 
 
 He reflected. 
 
 "You're not, by any chance, speaking figur- 
 atively of your respected parent?" 
 
 "Certainly not!" she disclaimed indignantly. 
 "This was a real mule. You're very imperti- 
 nent." 
 
 "Well, you see, he was impertinent to me, 
 saying he was out when he was in. What is his 
 decision yes or no ? " 
 
 "No." 
 
 A sharp exclamation came from the nook 
 below. 
 
 "Is that the entomological synonym for 
 'damn'?" she inquired. 
 
 "It's a lament for time wasted on a Well, 
 never mind that." 
 
 "But he wants you to carry a message by 
 that secret route of yours. Will you do it for 
 him?" 
 
 154 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "No!" 
 
 "That's not being a very kind or courteous 
 beetle man." 
 
 " I owe Mr. Brews ter no courtesy." 
 
 "And you pay only where you owe? Just, 
 but hardly amiable. Well, you owe me nothing 
 but will you do it for me?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Without even knowing what it is?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "In return you shall have your heart's 
 desire." 
 
 "Doubted." 
 
 " Is n't the dearest wish of your soul to drive 
 me out of Caracufia?" 
 
 "Hum! Well er yes. Yes; of course 
 it is." 
 
 "Very well. If you can get dad's message 
 on the wire to Washington, he thinks the Sec- 
 retary of State, who is his friend, can reach 
 the Dutch and have them open up the block- 
 ade for us." 
 
 "Time apparently meaning nothing to him." 
 
 "Would it take much time?" 
 
 "About four days to a wire." 
 155 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 She gazed at him in amazement. 
 
 "And you were willing to give up four 
 days to carry my message through, 'unsight 
 unseen,' as we children used to say?" 
 
 "Willing enough, but not able to. I'd have 
 got a messenger through with it, if necessary. 
 But in four days, there'll be other obstacles 
 besides the Dutch." 
 
 "Quarantine?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "I thought that had to wait for Dr. Pruyn." 
 
 "Pruyn's here. That's a secret, Miss Brew- 
 ster." 
 
 "Do you know everything? Has he found 
 plague?" 
 
 "Ah, I don't say that. But he will find it, 
 for it's certainly here. I satisfied myself of 
 that yesterday." 
 
 "From your beggar friend?" 
 
 "What made you think that, O most acute 
 observer?" 
 
 "What else would you be talking to him of, 
 with such interest?" 
 
 "You're correct. Bubonic always starts 
 in the poor quarters. To know how people 
 
 156 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 die, you have to know how they live. So I 
 cultivated my beggar friend and listened to the 
 gossip of quick funerals and unexplained dis- 
 appearances. I'd have had some real argu- 
 ments to present to Mr. Brewster if he had 
 cared to listen." 
 
 "He'll listen to Dr. Pruyn. They're old 
 friends." 
 
 "No! Are they?" 
 
 "Yes. Since college days. So perhaps the 
 quarantine will be easier to get through than 
 the blockade." 
 
 "Do you think so? I'm afraid you'll find 
 that pull does n't work with the service that 
 Dr. Pruyn is in." 
 
 "And you think that there will be quarantine 
 within four days?" 
 
 "Almost sure to be." 
 
 "Then, of course, I need n't trouble you 
 with the message." 
 
 "Don't jump at conclusions. There might 
 be another and quicker way." 
 
 "Wireless?" she asked quickly. 
 
 "No wireless on the island. No. This way 
 you'll just have to trust me for." 
 
 157 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "I'll trust you for anything you say you * 
 can do." 
 
 "But I don't say I can. I say only that I'll 
 try." 
 
 "That's enough for me. Ready! Now, 
 brace yourself. I 'm coming down." 
 
 "Wh-why wait! Can't you send it down?" 
 
 "No. Besides, you know you want to see 
 me. No use pretending, after last time. Re- 
 member your verse now, and I '11 come slowly." 
 
 Solemnly he began: 
 
 " Scarab, tarantula, neurop " 
 
 "' Doodle-bug,'" she prompted severely. 
 
 "-doodle-bug, flea,"- 
 he concluded obediently. 
 
 " Scarab, tarantula, doodle-bug, flea. 
 Scarab, tarantula, doodle 
 
 Oof! I I didn't think you'd be here so 
 soon!" 
 
 He scrambled to his feet, hardly less palpi- 
 tating than on the occasion of their first en- 
 counter. 
 
 "Hopeless!" she mourned. "Incurable! 
 Wanted: a miracle of St. Vitus. Do stop nib- 
 bling your hat, and sit down." 
 
 158 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "I don't think it's as bad as it was," he 
 murmured, obeying. "One gets accustomed to 
 you." 
 
 "One gets accustomed to anything in time, 
 even the eccentricities of one's friends." 
 
 "Do you think I'm eccentric?" 
 
 "Do I think Have you ever known any 
 one who did n't think you eccentric?" 
 
 Upon this he pondered solemnly. 
 
 "It's so long since I've stopped to consider 
 what people think of me. One has n't time, 
 you know." 
 
 "Then one is unhuman. 7 have time." 
 
 "Of course. But you have n't anything else 
 to do." 
 
 As this was quite true, she naturally felt 
 annoyed. 
 
 "Knowing as you do all the secrets of my 
 inner life," she observed sarcastically, "of 
 course you are in a position to judge." 
 
 Her own words recalled Carroll's charge, 
 and though, with the subject of them before 
 her, it seemed ridiculously impossible, yet the 
 spirit of mischief, ever hovering about her like 
 an attendant sprite, descended and took pos- 
 
 159 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 session of her speech. She assumed a severely 
 judicial expression. 
 
 "Mr. Beetle Man, will you lay your hand 
 upon your microscope, or whatever else scien- 
 tists make oath upon, and answer fully and 
 truly the question about to be put to you?" 
 
 "As I hope for a blessed release from this 
 abode of lunacy, I will." 
 
 "Mr. Beetle Man, have you got an awful 
 secret in your life?" 
 
 So sharply did he start that the heavy 
 goggles slipped a fraction of an inch along his 
 nose, the first time she had ever seen them in 
 any degree misplaced. She was herself sen- 
 sibly discountenanced by his perturbation. 
 
 "Why do you ask that?" he demanded. 
 
 "Natural interest in a friend," she answered 
 lightly, but with growing wonder. "I think 
 you'd be altogether irresistible if you were a 
 pirate or a smuggler or a revolutionary. The 
 romantic spirit could lurk so securely behind 
 those gloomy soul-screens that you wear. 
 What do you keep back of them, O dark and 
 shrouded beetle man?" 
 
 "My eyes," he grunted. 
 160 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Basilisk eyes, I'm sure. And what behind 
 the eyes?" 
 
 "My thoughts." 
 
 "You certainly keep them securely. No in- 
 truders allowed. But you haven't answered 
 my question. Have you ever murdered any 
 one in cold blood? Or are you a married man 
 trifling with the affections of poor little me?" 
 
 "You shall know all," he began, in the lei- 
 surely tone of one who commences a long nar- 
 rative. "My parents were honest, but poor. 
 At the age of three years and four months, 
 a maternal uncle, who, having been a proof- 
 reader of Abyssinian dialect stories for a ladies* 
 magazine, was considered a literary prophet, 
 foretold that I " 
 
 "Help! Wait! Stop! 
 
 "'Oh, skip your dear uncle!' the bellman exclaimed, 
 And impatiently tinkled his bell." 
 
 Her companion promptly capped her verse : 
 
 "'I skip forty years/ said the baker in tears," 
 
 "You can't," she objected. "If you skipped 
 half that, I don't believe it would leave you 
 much." 
 
 161 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "When one is giving one's life history by 
 request," he began, with dignity, "interrup- 
 
 tions " 
 
 u 
 
 It isn't by request," she protested. "I 
 don't want your life history. I won't have it! 
 You shan't treat an unprotected and helpless 
 stranger so. Besides, I 'm much more interested 
 to know how you came to be familiar with 
 Lewis Carroll." 
 
 "Just because I've wasted my career on 
 frivolous trifles like science, you need n't 
 think I've wholly neglected the true inward- 
 ness of life, as exemplified in 'The Hunting of 
 the Snark,'" he said gravely. 
 
 "Do you know" she leaned forward, 
 searching his face "I believe you came out 
 of that book yourself. Are you a Boojum? Will 
 you, unless I ' charm you with smiles and soap,' 
 
 "' Softly and silently vanish away, 
 And never be heard of again ' ? " 
 
 "You're mixed. You'd be the one to do that 
 if I were a real Boojum. And you'll be doing it 
 soon enough, anyway," he concluded ruefully. 
 
 "So I shall, but don't be too sure that I'll 
 'never be heard of again.'" 
 
 162 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 He glanced up at the sun, which was edging 
 behind a dark cloud, over the gap. 
 
 "Is your raging thirst for personal informa- 
 tion sufficiently slaked?" he asked. "We've 
 still fifteen or twenty minutes left." 
 
 " Is that all ? And I have n't yet given you 
 the message!" She drew it from the bag and 
 handed it to him. 
 
 "Sealed," he observed. 
 
 The girl colored painfully. 
 
 "Dad didn't intend You mustn't 
 think- ' With a flash of generous wrath 
 she tore the envelope open and held out the 
 inclosure. "But I should n't have thought you 
 so concerned with formalities," she commented 
 curiously. 
 
 " It is n't that. But in some respects, pos- 
 sibly important, it would be better if " He 
 stopped, looking at her doubtfully. 
 
 "Read it," she nodded. 
 
 He ran through the brief document. 
 
 "Yes; it's just as well that I should know. 
 I '11 leave a copy." 
 
 Something in his accent made her scruti- 
 nize him. 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "You're going into danger!" she cried. 
 
 "Danger? No; I think not. Difficulty, 
 perhaps. But I think it can be put through." 
 
 "If it were dangerous, you'd do it just the 
 same," she said, almost accusingly, 
 
 " It would be worth some danger now to get 
 you away from greater danger later. See here, 
 Miss Brews ter" he rose and stood over 
 her " there must be no mistake or misunder- 
 standing about this." 
 
 "Don't gloom at me with those awful glasses, 
 she said fretfully. "I feel as if I were being 
 stared at by a hidden person." 
 
 He disregarded the protest. 
 
 " If I get this message through, can you guar- 
 antee that your father will take out the yacht 
 as soon as the Dutch send word to him ? " 
 
 "Oh, yes. He will do that. How are you 
 going to deliver the message?" 
 
 Again her words might as well not have been 
 spoken. 
 
 "You'd better have your luggage ready for 
 a quick start." 
 
 "Will it be soon?" 
 
 "It may be." 
 
 164 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "How shall we know?" 
 
 "I will get word to you." 
 
 "Bring it?" 
 
 He shook his head. 
 
 "No; I fear not. This is good-bye." 
 
 "You're very casual about it," she said, 
 aggrieved. "At least, it would be polite to 
 pretend." 
 
 "What am I to pretend?" 
 
 "To be sorry. Are n't you sorry? Just a 
 little bit?" 
 
 "Yes; I'm sorry. Just a little bit at least." 
 
 "I'm most awfully sorry myself," she said 
 frankly. "I shall miss you." 
 
 "As a curiosity?" he asked, smiling. 
 
 "As a friend. You have been a friend to us 
 - to me," she amended sweetly. "Each time 
 I see you, I have more the feeling that you've 
 been more of a friend than I know." 
 
 "'That which thy servant is,'" he quoted 
 lightly. But beneath the lightness she divined 
 a pain that she could not wholly fathom. 
 Quite aware of her power, Miss Polly Brewster 
 was now, for one of the few times in her life, 
 stricken with contrition for her use of it. 
 
 165 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "And I I haven't been very nice," she 
 faltered. "I'm afraid sometimes I've been 
 quite horrid." 
 
 "You? You've been 'the glory and the 
 dream.' I shall be needing memories for a 
 while. And when the glory has gone, at least 
 the dream will remain tethered." 
 
 "But I'm not going to be a dream alone," 
 she said, with wistful lightness. "It's far too 
 much like being a ghost. I'm going to be a 
 friend, if you'll let me. And I 'm going to write 
 to you, if you will tell me where. You won't 
 find it so very easy to make a mere memory 
 of me. And when you come home When 
 are you coming home?" 
 
 He shook his head. 
 
 "Then you must find out, and let me know. 
 And you must come and visit us at our summer 
 place, where there's a mountain-side that we 
 can sit on, and you can pretend that our lake 
 is the Caribbean and hate it to your heart's 
 content " 
 
 "I don't believe I can ever quite hate the 
 Caribbean again." 
 
 "From this view you mustn't, anyway. I 
 166 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 should n't like that. As for our lake, nobody 
 could really help loving it. So you must be sure 
 and come, won't you?" 
 
 "Dreams!" he murmured. 
 
 "Isn't there room in the scientific life for 
 dreams?" 
 
 "Yes. But not for their fulfillment." 
 
 "But there will be beetles and dragon-flies 
 on our mountain," she went on, conscious of 
 talking against time, of striving to put off the 
 moment of departure. "You'll find plenty of 
 work there. Do you know, Mr. Beetle Man, 
 you have n't told me a thing, really, about your 
 work, or a thing, really, about yourself. Is that 
 the way to treat a friend?" 
 
 "When I undertook to spread before you 
 the true and veracious history of my life," he 
 began, striving to make his tone light, "you 
 would none of it." 
 
 "Are you determined to put me off? Do you 
 think that I would n't find the things that are 
 real to you interesting?" 
 
 "They're quite technical," he said shyly. 
 
 "But they are the big things to you, are n't 
 they? They make life for you?" 
 
 167 ' 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Oh, yes; that, of course.'* It was as if he 
 were surprised at the need of such a question. 
 "I suppose I find the same excitement and 
 adventure in research that other men find in 
 politics, or war, or making money." 
 
 "Adventure?" she said, puzzled. "I should 
 n't have supposed research an adventurous 
 career, exactly." 
 
 "No; not from the outside." His hidden gaze 
 shifted to sweep the far distances. His voice 
 dropped and softened, and, when he spoke 
 again, she felt vaguely and strangely that he 
 was hardly thinking of her or her question, 
 except as a part of the great wonder-world 
 surrounding and enfolding their companioned 
 remoteness. 
 
 "This is my credo" he said, and quoted, half 
 under his breath: 
 
 " ' We have come in search of truth, 
 Trying with uncertain key 
 Door by door of mystery. 
 We are reaching, through His laws, 
 To the garment hem of Cause. 
 As, with fingers of the blind, 
 We are groping here to find 
 What the hieroglyphics mean 
 Of the Unseen in the seen; 
 168 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 What the Thought which underlies 
 
 Nature's masking and disguise; 
 
 What it is that hides beneath 
 
 Blight and bloom and birth and death.' " 
 
 Other men had poured poetry into Polly 
 Brewster's ears, and she had thought them 
 vapid or priggish or affected, according as 
 they had chosen this or that medium. This 
 man was different. For all his outer gro- 
 tesquery, the noble simplicity of the verse 
 matched some veiled and hitherto but half- 
 expressed quality within him, and dignified 
 him. Miss Brewster suffered the strange but 
 not wholly unpleasant sensation of feeling her- 
 self dwindle. 
 
 " It's very beautiful," she said, with an effort. 
 "Is it Matthew Arnold?" 
 
 "Nearer home. You an American, and don't 
 know your Whittier? That passage from his 
 'Agassiz' comes pretty near to being what life 
 means to me. Have I answered your require- 
 ments?" 
 
 "Fully and finely." 
 
 She rose from the rock upon which she had 
 been seated, and stretched out both hands 
 
 169 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 to him. He took and held them without awk- 
 wardness or embarrassment. By that alone 
 she could have known that he was suffering 
 with a pain that submerged consciousness of 
 self. 
 
 "Whether I see you again or not, I'll never 
 forget you," she said softly. "You have been 
 good to me, Mr. Perkins." 
 
 "I like the other name better," he said. 
 
 "Of course. Mr. Beetle Man." She laughed 
 a little tremulously. Abruptly she stamped a 
 determined foot. " I 'm not going away without 
 having seen my friend for once. Take off your 
 glasses, Mr. Beetle Man." 
 
 "Too much radiance is bad for the micro- 
 scopical eye." 
 
 "The sun is under a cloud." 
 
 "But you're here, and you'd glow in the 
 dark." 
 
 "No; I'm not to be put off with pretty 
 speeches. Take them off. Please!" 
 
 Releasing her hand, he lifted off the heavy 
 and disfiguring apparatus, and stood before 
 her, quietly submissive to her wish. She took 
 a quick step backward, stumbled, and thrust 
 
 170 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 out a hand against the face of the giant rock 
 for support. 
 
 "Oh!" she cried, and again, "Oh, I didn't 
 think you'd look like that!" 
 
 "What is it? Is there anything very wrong 
 with me?" he asked seriously, blinking a little 
 in the soft light. 
 
 "No, no. It is n't that. I I hardly know 
 I expected something different. Forgive me for 
 being so so stupid." 
 
 In truth, Miss Polly Brewster had sustained 
 a shock. She had become accustomed to regard 
 her beetle man rather more in the light of a 
 beetle than a man. In fact, the human side 
 of him had impressed her only as a certain 
 dim appeal to sympathy; the masculine side 
 had simply not existed. Now it was as if he 
 had unmasked. The visage, so grotesque and 
 gnomish behind its mechanical apparatus, had 
 given place to a wholly different and formidably 
 strange face. The change all centered in the 
 eyes. They were wide-set eyes of the clearest, 
 steadiest, and darkest gray she had ever met; 
 and they looked out at her from sharply angled 
 brows with a singular clarity and calmness of 
 
 171 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 regard. In their light the man's face became 
 instinct with character in every line. Strength 
 was there, self-control, dignity, a glint of humor 
 in the little wrinkles at the corner of the mouth, 
 and, withal a sort of quiet and sturdy beauty. 
 
 She had half-turned her face from him. 
 Now, as her gaze returned and was fixed by 
 his, she felt a wave of blood expand her heart, 
 rush upward into her cheeks, and press into 
 her eyes tears of swift regret. But now she was 
 sorry, not for him, but for herself, because he 
 had become remote and difficult to her. 
 
 "Have I startled you?" he asked curiously. 
 "I'll put them back on again." 
 
 "No, no; don't do that!" She rallied herself 
 to the point of laughing a little. "I'm a goose. 
 You see, I've pictured you as quite different. 
 Have you ever seen yourself in the glass with 
 those dreadful disguises on?" 
 
 "Why, no; I don't suppose I have," he 
 replied, after reflection. "After all, they're 
 meant for use, not for ornament." 
 
 By this time she had mastered her confusion 
 and was able to examine his face. Under his eyes 
 were circles of dull gray, defined by deep lines. 
 
 172 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Why, you're worn out!" she cried pitifully. 
 "Have n't you been sleeping?" 
 
 "Not much." 
 
 "You must take something for it." The 
 mothering instinct sprang to the rescue. "How 
 much rest did you get last night?" 
 
 "Let me see. Last night I did very well. 
 Fully four hours." 
 
 "And that is more than you average?" 
 
 "Well, yes; lately. You see, I've been 
 pretty busy." 
 
 "Yet you've given up your time to my 
 wretched, unimportant little stupid affairs! 
 And what return have I made?" 
 
 "You've made the sun shine," he said, "in 
 a rather shaded existence." 
 
 "Promise me that you'll sleep to-night; 
 that you won't work a stroke." 
 
 "No; I can't promise that." 
 
 "You'll break down. You'll go to pieces. 
 What have you got to do more important than 
 keeping in condition?" 
 
 "As to that, I'll last through. And there's 
 some business that won't wait." 
 
 Divination came upon her. 
 173 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Dad's message!" 
 
 " If it were n't that, it would be something 
 else." 
 
 Her hand went out to him, and was with- 
 drawn. 
 
 "Please put on your glasses," she said 
 shyly. 
 
 Smiling, he did her bidding. 
 
 "There! Now you are my beetle man again. 
 No, not quite, though. You '11 never be quite 
 the same beetle man again." 
 
 " I shall always be," he contradicted gently. 
 
 "Anyway, it's better. You're easier to say 
 things to. Are you really the man who ran 
 away from the street car?" she asked doubt- 
 fully. 
 
 "I really am." 
 
 "Then I'm most surely sure that you had 
 good reason." She began to laugh softly. "As 
 for the stories about you, I 'd believe them less 
 than ever, now." 
 
 "Are there stories about me?" 
 
 "Gossip of the club. They call you 'The 
 Unspeakable Perk'!" 
 
 "Not a bad nickname," he admitted. "I 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 expect I have been rather unspeakable, from 
 their point of view." 
 
 A desire to have the faith that was in her 
 supported by this man's own word overrode 
 her shyness. 
 
 "Mr. Beetle Man," she said, "have you got 
 a sister?" 
 
 "I? No. Why?" 
 
 "If you had a sister, is there anything 
 Oh, darn your sister!" broke forth the irrepres- 
 sible Polly. "I'll be your sister for this. Is 
 there anything about you and your life here 
 that you'd be afraid to tell me?" 
 
 "No." 
 
 " I knew there was n't," she said contentedly. 
 She hesitated a moment, then put a hand on 
 his arm. "Does this have to be good-bye, Mr. 
 Beetle Man?" she said wistfully. 
 
 "I'm afraid so." 
 
 "No!" She stamped imperiously. "I want 
 to see you again, and I'm going to see you 
 again. Won't you come down to the port and 
 bring me another bunch of your mountain 
 orchids when we sail just for good-bye?" 
 
 Through the dull medium of the glasses she 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 could feel his eyes questioning hers. And she 
 knew that once more before she sailed away, she 
 must look into those eyes, in all their clarity 
 and all their strength and then try to forget 
 them. The swift color ran up into her cheeks. 
 
 "I I suppose so," he said. "Yes." 
 
 "Au revoir, then!" she cried, with a thrill of 
 gladness, and fled up the rock. 
 
 The Unspeakable Perk strode down his path, 
 broke into a trot, and held to it until he reached 
 his house. But Miss Polly, departing in her 
 own direction, stopped dead after ten minutes' 
 going. It had struck her forcefully that she had 
 forgotten the matter of the expense of the mes- 
 sage. How could she reach him? She remem- 
 bered the cliff above the rock, and the signal. 
 If a signal was valid in one direction, it ought 
 to work equally well in the other. She had her 
 automatic with her. Retracing her steps, she 
 ascended the cliff, a rugged climb. Across the 
 deep-fringed chasm she could plainly see the 
 porch of the quinta with the little clearing at 
 the side, dim in the clouded light. Drawing the 
 revolver, she fired three shots. 
 
 "He'll come," she thought contentedly. 
 176 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 The sun broke from behind the obscuring 
 cloud and sent a shaft of light straight down 
 upon the clearing. It illumined with pitiless 
 distinctness the shimmering silk of a woman's 
 dress, hanging on a line and waving in the 
 first draft of the evening breeze. For a moment 
 Polly stood transfixed. What did it mean ? Was 
 it perhaps a servant's dress. No; he had told 
 her that there was no woman servant. 
 
 As she sought the solution, a woman's figure 
 emerged from the porch of the quinta, crossed 
 the compound, and dropped upon a bench. 
 Even at that distance, the watcher could tell 
 from the woman's bearing and apparel that she 
 was not of the servant class. She seemed to be 
 gazing out over the mountains ; there was some- 
 thing dreary and forlorn in her attitude. What, 
 then, did she do in the beetle man's house? 
 
 Below the rock the shrubbery weaved and 
 thrashed, and the person who could best an- 
 swer that question burst into view at a full lope. 
 
 "What is it?" he panted. "Was it you who 
 fired?" 
 
 She stared at him mutely. The revolver hung 
 in her hand. In a moment he was beside her. 
 
 177 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Has anything happened?" he began again, 
 then turned his head to follow the direction of 
 her regard. He saw the figure in the compound. 
 
 "Good God in heaven!" he groaned. 
 
 He caught the revolver from her hand and 
 fired three slow shots. The woman turned. 
 Snatching off his hat, he signalled violently 
 with it. The woman rose and, as it seemed to 
 Polly Brewster, moved in humble submissive- 
 ness back to the shelter. 
 
 White consternation was stamped on the 
 Unspeakable Perk's face as he handed the re- 
 volver to its owner. 
 
 "Do you need me?" he asked quickly. "If 
 not, I must go back at once." 
 
 "I do not need you," said the girl, in level 
 tones. "You lied to me." 
 
 His expression changed. She read in it the 
 desperation of guilt. 
 
 "I can explain," he said hurriedly, "but 
 not now. There is n't time. Wait here. I '11 be 
 back. I '11 be back the instant I can get away." 
 
 As he spoke, he was halfway down the rock, 
 headed for the lower trail. The bushes closed 
 behind him. 
 
 178 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Painfully Polly Brewster made her way 
 down the treacherous footing of the cliff path 
 to her place on the rock. From her bag she 
 drew one of her cards, wrote slowly and carefully 
 a few words, found a dry stick, set it between 
 two rocks, and pinned her message to it. Then 
 she ran, as helpless humans run from the 
 scourge of their own hearts. 
 
 Half an hour later the hermit, sweat-covered 
 and breathless, returned to the rock. For a 
 moment he gazed about, bewildered by the 
 silence. The white card caught his eye. He 
 read its angular scrawl. 
 
 "I wish never to see you again. Never! 
 Never! Never!" 
 
 A sulphur-yellow inquisitor, of a more in- 
 sinuating manner than the former participant 
 in their conversation, who had been examining 
 the message on his own account, flew to the 
 top of the cliff. 
 
 "Qu'est-ce qu'elle dit? Qu'est-ce qu'elle 
 dit?" he demanded. 
 
 For the first time in his adult life the beetle 
 man threw a stone at a bird. 
 
VIII 
 
 LOS YANKIS 
 
 LUNCHEON on the day following the 
 kiskadee bird's narrow squeak for his 
 life was a dreary affair for Mr. Fitzhugh Carroll. 
 Business had called Mr. Brewster away. This 
 deprivation the Southerner would have borne 
 with equanimity. But Miss Brewster had also 
 absented herself, which was rather too much 
 for the devoted, but apprehensive, lover. Thus, 
 ample time was given him to consider how ill 
 his suit was prospering. The longer he stayed, 
 the less he saw of Miss Polly. That she was 
 kinder and more gentle, less given to teasing 
 him than of yore, was poor compensation. He 
 was shrewd enough to draw no good augury 
 from that. Something had altered her, and he 
 was divided between suspicion of the last 
 week's mail, the arrival of which had been 
 about contemporaneous with her change of 
 spirit, and some local cause. Was a letter from 
 Smith, the millionaire, or Bobby, the friend 
 of her childhood, responsible? Or was the 
 cause nearer at hand? 
 
 1 80 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 For one preposterous moment he thought 
 of the Unspeakable Perk. A quick visualization 
 of that gnomish, froggish face was enough to 
 dispel the suspicion. At least the petted and 
 rather fastidious Miss Brewster's fancy would 
 be captured only by a gentleman, not by any 
 such homunculus as the mountain dweller. 
 Her interest, perhaps; the man possessed the 
 bizarre attraction of the freakish. But any- 
 thing else was absurd. And the knight was in- 
 clined to attaint his lady for a certain cruelty 
 in the matter; she was being something less 
 than fair to the Unspeakable Perk. 
 
 The searchlight of his surmise ranged farther. 
 Raimonda! The young Caracunan was hand- 
 some, distinguished, manly, with a romantic 
 charm that the American did not underesti- 
 mate. He, at least, was a gentleman, and the 
 assiduity of his attentions to the Northern 
 beauty had become the joke of the clubs 
 except when Raimonda was present. By the 
 same token, half of the gilded youth of the 
 capital, and most of the young diplomats, 
 were the sworn slaves of the girl. It was a con- 
 fused field, indeed. Well, thank Heaven, she 
 
 181 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 would soon be out of it! Word had come down 
 from her that she was busy packing her things. 
 Carroll wandered about the hotel, waiting for 
 the news that would explain this preparation. 
 
 It came, at mid-afternoon, in the person of 
 Miss Polly herself. Why packing trunks, with 
 the aid of an experienced maid, should, even 
 in a hot climate, produce heavy circles under 
 the eyes, a droop at the mouth corners, and a 
 complete submersion of vivacity, is a problem 
 which Carroll then and there gave up. He had 
 too much tact to question or comment. 
 
 "Oh, I'm so tired!" she said, giving him her 
 hand. "Have you much packing to do, Fitz- 
 hugh?" 
 
 "No one has given me any notice to get 
 ready, Miss Polly." 
 
 "How very neglectful of me! We may leave 
 at any time." 
 
 "Yes; you may. But my ship does n't seem 
 to be coming in very fast." 
 
 The double entente was unintentional, but 
 the girl winced. 
 
 "Are n't you coming with us on the yacht?" 
 
 " Am I ? " His handsome face lighted hopefully. 
 182 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Of course. Dad expects you to. What kind 
 of people should we be to leave any friend 
 behind, with matters as they are?" 
 
 "Ah, yes." The hope passed out of his face. 
 "Dictates of humanity, and that sort of thing. 
 I think, if you and Mr. Brewster " 
 
 "Please don't be silly, Fitz," she pleaded. 
 "You know it would make me most unhappy 
 to leave you." 
 
 Rarely did the scion of Southern blood and 
 breeding lose the self-control and reserve on 
 which he prided himself, but he had been 
 harassed by events to an unwonted strain of 
 temper. 
 
 "Is it making you unhappy to leave any 
 one else here?" he blurted out. 
 
 The challenge stirred the girl's spirit. 
 
 "No, indeed! I would n't care if I never saw 
 any of them again. I 'm tired of it all. I want 
 to go home," she said, like a pathetic child. 
 
 "Oh, Miss Polly," he began, taking a step 
 toward her, "if you'd only let me " 
 
 She put up one little sunburned hand. 
 
 "Please, Fitz! I I don't feel up to it 
 to-day." 
 
 183 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Humbly he subsided. 
 
 "I'd no right to ask you the question," he 
 apologized. " It was kind of you to answer me 
 at all." 
 
 "You're really a dear, Fitz," she said, smiling 
 a little wanly. "Sometimes I wish " 
 
 She did not finish her sentence, but wandered 
 over to the window, and gazed out across the 
 square. On the far side something quite out 
 of the ordinary seemed to be going on. 
 
 "The legless beggar seems to have collected 
 quite an audience," she remarked idly. 
 
 Her suitor joined her on the parlor balcony. 
 
 "Possibly he's starting a revolution. Any 
 one can do it down here." 
 
 Vehement adjuration, in a high, strident 
 voice, came floating across to them. 
 
 "Listen!" cried the girl. "He's speaking 
 English, is n't he?" 
 
 "It seems to be a mixture of English, French, 
 and Spanish. Quite a polyglot the friend of your 
 friend Perkins appears to be." 
 
 She turned steady eyes upon him. 
 
 "Mr. Perkins is not my friend." 
 
 "No?" 
 
 184 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "I never want to see him, or to hear his 
 name again." 
 
 'Ah, then you've found out about him?" 
 
 "Yes." She flushed. "Yes at least 
 Yes," she concluded. 
 
 "He admitted it to you?" 
 
 "No, he lied about it." 
 
 " I think I shall go up and make a call on Mr. 
 Perkins," said Carroll, with formidable quiet. 
 
 "Oh, it does n't matter," she answered wea- 
 rily. "He'd only run away and hide." As she 
 said it, her inner self convicted her tongue of 
 lying. 
 
 "Very likely. Yet, see here, Miss Polly, 
 I want to be fair to that fellow. It does n't 
 follow that because he 's a coward he 's a cad." 
 
 "He is n't a coward!" she flashed. 
 
 "You just said yourself that he'd run and 
 hide." 
 
 "Well, he would n't, and he is a cad." 
 
 "As you like. In any case, I shall make it 
 a point to see him before I leave. If he can 
 explain, well and good. If not " He did not 
 conclude. 
 
 "Our orator seems to have finished," ob- 
 185 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 served the girl. " I shall go back upstairs and 
 write some good-bye notes to the kind people 
 here." 
 
 "Just for curiosity, I think I'll drive across 
 and look at the legless Demosthenes," said her 
 companion. " I was going to do a little shopping, 
 anyway. So I'll report later, if he's revolut- 
 ing or anything exciting." 
 
 From her own balcony, when she reached it, 
 Polly had a less obstructed view of the beggar's 
 appropriated corner, and she looked out a few 
 minutes after she reached the room to see 
 whether he had resumed his oratory. Appar- 
 ently he had not, for the crowd had melted 
 away. The legless one was rocking himself 
 monotonously upon his stumps. His head was 
 sunk forward, and from his extraordinary 
 mouthings the spectator judged that he must 
 be talking to himself with resumed vehemence. 
 From what next passed before her astonished 
 vision, Miss Brews ter would have suspected 
 herself of a hallucination of delirium had she 
 not been sure of normal health. 
 
 One of the well-horsed, elegant little public 
 victorias with which the city is so well supplied 
 
 1 86 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 stopped at the curb, and the handsome head 
 of Preston Fairfax Fitzhugh Carroll was thrust 
 forth. At almost the same moment the Unspeak- 
 able Perk appeared upon the steps. He was wear- 
 ing a pair of enormous, misfit white gloves. 
 He went down to the beggar, reached forth a 
 hand, and, to the far-away spectator's wonder- 
 struck interpretation, seemed to thrust some- 
 thing, presumably a document, into the breast 
 of the mendicant's shirt. Having performed this 
 strange rite, he leaped up the steps, hesitated, 
 rushed over to Carroll's equipage, and laid 
 violent hands upon the occupant, with obvious 
 intent to draw him forth. For a moment they 
 seemed to struggle upon the sidewalk; then 
 both rushed upon the unfortunate beggar and 
 proceeded to kidnap him and thrust him bodily 
 into the cab. 
 
 The driver turned in his seat at this point, 
 his cue in the mad farce having been given, 
 and opened speech with many gestures, where- 
 upon Carroll arose and embraced him warmly. 
 And with this grouping, the vehicle, bearing 
 its lunatic load, sped around the corner and 
 disappeared, while the sole interested witness 
 
 187 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 retired to obscurity, with her reeling head be- 
 tween her hands. 
 
 One final touch of phantasy was given to 
 the whole affair when, two hours later, she met 
 Carroll, soiled and grimy, coming across the 
 plaza, smoking he, the addict to thirty-cent 
 Havanas! an awful native cheroot, whose 
 incense spread desolation about him. Further 
 and more extraordinary, when she essayed to 
 obtain a solution of the mystery from him, he 
 repelled her with emphatic gestures and a few 
 half-strangled words with whose unintelligibil- 
 ity the cheroot fumes may have had some con- 
 nection, and hurried into the hotel, where he 
 remained in seclusion the rest of the day. 
 
 What in the name of all the wonders could 
 it mean? On Mr. Brewster's return, she laid 
 the matter before him at the dinner table. 
 
 "Touch of the sun, perhaps," he hazarded. 
 "Nothing else I know of would explain it." 
 
 "Do two Americans, a half-breed beggar, 
 and a local coachman get sunstruck at one 
 and the same time?" she inquired disdain- 
 fully. 
 
 "Does n't seem likely. By your account, 
 188 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 though, the crippled beggar seems to have been 
 the little Charlie Ross of melodrama." 
 
 "Then why didn't he shout for help? I 
 listened, but did n't hear a sound from him." 
 
 "Movie-picture rehearsal," grunted Mr. 
 Brewster. "I can't quite see the heir of all the 
 Virginias in the part. Is n't he coming down to 
 dinner this evening?" 
 
 "His dinner was sent up to his room. Is n't 
 it extraordinary?" 
 
 "Ask Sherwen about it. He's coming around 
 this evening for coffee in our rooms.'* 
 
 But the American representative had some- 
 thing else on his mind besides casual kid- 
 napings. 
 
 "I've just come from a talk with the British 
 Minister," he remarked, setting down his cup. 
 "He's officially in charge of American inter- 
 ests, you know." 
 
 "Thought you were," said Mr. Brewster. 
 
 "Officially, I have no existence. The United 
 States of America is wiped off the map, so far 
 as the sovereign Republic of Caracufia is con- 
 cerned. Some of its politicians would n't be 
 over-grieved if the local Americans underwent 
 
 189 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 the same process. The British Minister would, 
 I'm sure, sleep easier if you were all a thou- 
 sand miles away from here." 
 
 "Tell Sir Willet that he's very ungallant," 
 pouted Miss Polly. "When I sat next to him 
 at dinner last week he offered to establish 
 woman suffrage here and elect me next presi- 
 dent if I'd stay." 
 
 Sherwen hardly paid this the tribute of a 
 smile. 
 
 "That was before he found out certain 
 things. The Hochwald Legation " he low- 
 ered his voice "is undoubtedly stirring up 
 anti-American sentiment." 
 
 " But why ? " inquired Mr. Brewster. " There 's 
 enough trade for them and for us?" 
 
 "For one thing, they don't like your con- 
 cessions, Mr. Brewster. Then they have heard 
 that Dr. Pruyn is on his way, and they want 
 to make all the trouble they can for him, and 
 make it impossible for him to get actual in- 
 formation of the presence of plague. I happen 
 to know that their consul is officially declaring 
 fake all the plague rumors." 
 
 "That suits me," declared the magnate. "We 
 190 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 don't want to have to run Dutch and quaran- 
 tine blockade both." 
 
 "Meantime, there are two or three cheap 
 but dangerous demagogues who have been 
 making anti-'Yanki,' as they call us, speeches 
 in the slums. Sir Willet does n't like the looks 
 of it. If there were any way in which you could 
 get through, and to sea, it would be well to 
 take it at once. Am I correct in supposing that 
 you've taken steps to clear the yacht, Mr. 
 Brewster?" 
 
 "Yes. That is, I've sent a message. Or, 
 at least, so my daughter, to whose management 
 I left it, believes." 
 
 "Don't tell me how," said Sherwen quickly. 
 "There is reason to believe that it has been 
 dispatched." 
 
 "You've heard something?" 
 
 "I have a message from our consul at Puerto 
 del Norte, Mr. Wisner." 
 
 "For me?" asked the concessionaire. 
 
 "Why, no," was the hesitant reply. " It is n't 
 quite clear, but it seems to be for Miss Brewster." 
 
 "Why not?" inquired that young lady 
 coolly. "What is it?" 
 
 191 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "The best I could make of it over the phone 
 Wisner had to be guarded was that people 
 planning to take Dutch leave would better 
 pay their parting calls by to-morrow at the 
 latest." 
 
 "That would mean day after to-morrow, 
 would n't it?" mused the girl. 
 
 "If it means anything at all," substituted 
 her father testily. 
 
 "Meantime, how do you like the Gran Hotel 
 Kast, Miss Brewster?" asked Sherwen. 
 
 " It's awful beyond words ! I Ve done nothing 
 but wish for a brigade of Biddies, with good 
 stout mops, and a government permit to clean 
 up. I'd give it a bath!" 
 
 "Yes, it's pretty bad. I'm glad you don't 
 like it." 
 
 "Glad? Is every one ag'in' poor me?" 
 
 "Because well, the American Legation is 
 a very lonely place. Now, the presence of an 
 American lady " 
 
 "Are you offering a proposal of marriage, 
 Mr. Sherwen?" twinkled the girl. "If so 
 Dad, please leave the room. " 
 
 "Knock twenty years off my battle-scarred 
 192 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 life and you would n't be safe a minute," he 
 retorted. "But, no. This is a measure of safety. 
 Sir Willet thinks that your party ought to be 
 ready to move into the American Legation on 
 instant notice, if you can't get away to sea to- 
 
 morrow." 
 
 "What's the use, if the legation has no offi- 
 cial existence?" asked Mr. Brewster. 
 
 "In a sense it has. It would probably be 
 respected by a mob. And, at the worst, it ad- 
 joins the British Legation, which would be quite 
 safe. If it were n't that Sir Willet's boy has 
 typhoid, you'd be formally invited to go there." 
 
 "It's very good of you," said Miss Polly 
 warmly. "But surely it would be an awful nui- 
 sance to you. " 
 
 "On the contrary, you'd brace up my far- 
 too-casual old housekeeper and get the machin- 
 ery running. She constantly takes advantage 
 of my bachelor ignorance. If you say you'll 
 come, I'll almost pray for the outbreak." 
 
 "Certainly we'll come, at any time you notify 
 us," said Mr. Brewster. "And we 're very grate- 
 ful. Shall you have room for Mr. Carroll, too?" 
 
 "By all means. And I've notified Mr. Cluff. 
 193 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 You won't mind his being there? He's a rough 
 diamond, but a thoroughly decent fellow." 
 
 "Useful, too, in case of trouble, I should 
 judge," said the magnate. "Then I'll wait for 
 further word from you." 
 
 "Yes. I Ve got my men out on watch." 
 
 "Would n't it be er advisable for us to 
 arm ourselves?" 
 
 "By no means! There's just one course to 
 follow; keep the peace at any price, and give 
 the Hochwaldians not the slightest peg on 
 which to hang a charge that Americans have 
 been responsible for any trouble that might 
 arise. May I ask you," he added significantly, 
 "to make this clear to Mr. Carroll?" 
 
 "Leave that to me," said Miss Brewster, 
 with superb confidence. 
 
 "Content, indeed! You'll find our locality 
 very pleasant, Miss Brewster. Three of the 
 other legations are on the same block, not in- 
 cluding the Hochwaldian, which is a quarter of 
 a mile down the hill. On our corner is a house 
 where several of the English railroad men live, 
 and across is the Club Amicitia, made up largely 
 of the jeunesse doree, who are mostly pro- 
 
 194 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 American. So you'll be quite surrounded by 
 friends, not to say adherents." 
 
 "Call on me to housekeep for you at any 
 time," cried Polly gayly. "I'll begin to roll up 
 my sleeves as soon as I get dressed to-morrow." 
 
IX 
 
 THE BLACK WARNING 
 
 THAT weird three-part drama in the plaza 
 which had so puzzled Miss Polly Brew- 
 ster had developed in this wise: 
 
 Coincidently with the departure of Preston 
 Fairfax Fitzhugh Carroll from the hotel in his 
 cab, the unspeakable Perk emerged from a store 
 near the far corner of the square, which ex- 
 ploited itself in the purest Castilian as offering 
 the last word in the matter of gentlemen's ap- 
 parel. "Articulos para Caballeros" was the 
 representation held forth upon its signboard. 
 
 If it had articled Mr. Perkins, it must be con- 
 fessed that it had done its job unevenly, not to 
 say fantastically. His linen was fresh and new, 
 quite conspicuously so, and, therefore, in sharp 
 contrast to the frayed and patched, but scrupu- 
 lously clean and neatly pressed khaki suit, 
 which set forth rather bumpily his solid figure. 
 A serviceable pith helmet barely overhung the 
 protrusive goggles. His hands were encased in 
 white cotton gloves, a size or two too large. 
 
 196 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Dismal buff spots on the palms impaired their 
 otherwise virgin purity. As the wearer carried 
 his hands stiffly splayed, the blemishes were 
 obtrusive. Altogether, one might have said 
 that, if he were going in for farce, he was appro- 
 priately made up for it. 
 
 At the corner above the beggar's niche he 
 was turning toward a pharmacist's entrance, 
 when the mirth of the departing crowd that had 
 been enjoying the free oratory attracted his at- 
 tention. He glanced across at the beggar, now 
 rocking rhythmically on his stumps, hesitated 
 a moment, then ran down the steps. 
 
 At the same moment Carroll's cab stopped 
 on the other angle of the curb. The occupant 
 put forth his head, saw the goggled freak de- 
 scending to the legless freak, and sat back again. 
 
 "Hola, Pancho! Are you ill?" asked the new- 
 comer. 
 
 The beggar only swung back and forth, mut- 
 tering with frenzied rapidity. With one hand 
 the unspeakable Perk stopped him, as one might 
 intercept the runaway pendulum of a clock, 
 setting the other on his forehead. Then he bent 
 and brought his goblin eyes to bear on the dark 
 
 197 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 face. The features were distorted, the eyelids 
 tremulous over suffused eyes, and the teeth set. 
 Opening the man's loose shirt, Perkins thrust 
 his hand within. It might have been supposed 
 that he was feeling for the heart action, were it 
 not that his hand slid past the breast and around 
 under the arm. When he drew it out, he stood 
 for a moment with chin dropped, in considera- 
 tion. 
 
 Midday heat had all but cleared the plaza. 
 As he looked about, the helper saw no aid, until 
 his eye fell upon the waiting cab. He fairly 
 bounded up the stairs, calling something to the 
 coachman. 
 
 "No," grunted that toiler, with the char- 
 acteristic discourtesy of the Caracunan lower 
 class, and jerked his head backward toward 
 his fare. 
 
 "I beg your pardon," said the Unspeakable 
 Perk eagerly, in Spanish, turning to the dim 
 recess of the victoria. "Might I Oh, it's 
 you!" He seized Carroll by the arm. "I want 
 your cab." 
 
 "Indeed!" said Carroll. "Well, you're cool 
 enough about it." 
 
 198 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "And your help," added the other. 
 
 "What for?" 
 
 "Do you have to ask questions? The man 
 may be dying is dying, I think." 
 
 "All right," said Carroll promptly. "What's 
 to be done?" 
 
 "Get him home. Help me carry him to the 
 cab." 
 
 Between them, the two men lifted the heavy, 
 mumbling cripple, carried him up the steps 
 with a rush, and deposited him in the cab, while 
 the driver was still angrily expostulating. The 
 beggar was shivering now, and the cold sweat 
 rolled down his face. His bearers placed them- 
 selves on each side of him. Perkins gave an 
 order to the driver, who seemed to object, and 
 a rapid-fire argument ensued. 
 
 "What's wrong?" asked Carroll. 
 
 " Says he won't go there. Says he was hired 
 by you for shopping." 
 
 Carroll took one look at the agony-wrung 
 face of the beggar, who was being held on the 
 seat by his companion. 
 
 "Won't he?" said he grimly. "We'll see." 
 
 Rising, he threw a pair of long arms around 
 199 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 those of the driver, pinning him, caught the 
 reins, and turned the horses. 
 
 "Now ask him if he'll drive," he directed 
 Perkins. 
 
 "Si, sefior!" gasped the coachman, whose 
 breath had been squeezed almost through his 
 crackling ribs. 
 
 "See that you do," the Southerner bade him, 
 in accents that needed no interpretation. 
 
 Presently Perkins looked up from his charge. 
 
 "Got a cigar?" he asked abruptly. 
 
 "No," replied the other, a little disgusted by 
 this levity in the presence of imminent death. 
 
 Perkins bade the driver stop at the corner. 
 
 "Don't let him fall off the seat," he admon- 
 ished Carroll, and jumped out. 
 
 In the course of a minute he reappeared, 
 smoking a cheroot that appeared to be writhing 
 and twisting in the effort to escape from its own 
 noxious fumes. 
 
 "Have one," he said, extending a handful to 
 his companion. 
 
 "I don't care for it," returned the other 
 superciliously. While willing to aid in a good 
 work, he did not in the least approve either of 
 
 200 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 the Unspeakable Perk or of his offhand man- 
 ners. 
 
 Before they had gone much farther, his re- 
 sentment was heated to the point of offense. 
 
 " Is it necessary for you to puff every puff of 
 that infernal smoke in my face?" he demanded 
 ominously. 
 
 "Well, you would n't smoke, yourself." 
 
 " If it were n't for this poor devil of a sick 
 man " began Carroll, when a second thought 
 about the smoke diverted his line of thought. 
 "Is it contagious?" he asked. 
 
 "It's so regarded," observed the other dryly. 
 
 "I'll take one of those, thank you." 
 
 Perkins handed him one of the rejected spi- 
 rals. In silence, except for the outrageous rat- 
 tling of the wheels on the cobbles, they drove 
 through mean streets that grew ever meaner, 
 until they drew up at the blind front of a build- 
 ing abutting on an arroyo of the foothills. Here 
 they stopped, and Carroll threw his jehu a five- 
 bolivar piece, which the driver caught, driving 
 away at once, without the demand for more 
 which usually follows overpayment in Cara- 
 cuna. Convenient to hand lay a small rock. 
 
 20 1 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Perkins used it for a knocker, hammering on 
 the guarded wooden door with such vehemence 
 as to still the clamor that arose from within. 
 
 Through the opening, as the barrier was 
 removed by a leather-skinned old crone, Car- 
 roll gazed into a passageway, beyond which 
 stretched a foul mule yard, bordered by what 
 the visitor at first supposed to be stalls, until 
 he saw bedding and utensils in them. The two 
 men lifted the cripple in, amid the outcries and 
 lamentations of the aged woman, who had 
 looked at his face and then covered her own. 
 At once they were surrounded by a swarm of 
 women and children, who pressed upon them, 
 hampering their movements, until a shrill voice 
 cried : 
 
 "La muerte negra!" 
 
 The swarm fell into silence, scattered, van- 
 ished, leaving only the moaning woman to help. 
 At her direction they settled the patient on a 
 straw pallet in a side room. 
 
 "That's all you can do," said the Unspeak- 
 able Perk to his companion. "And thank 
 you." 
 
 "I'll stay." 
 
 202 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 The goggles gloomed upon him in the dim 
 room. 
 
 " I thought probably you would," commented 
 Perkins, and busied himself over the cripple 
 with a knife and some cloths. He had stuffed 
 his ludicrous white gloves into his pocket, and 
 was tearing strips from his handkerchief with 
 skillful fingers. 
 
 "Ought n't he to have a doctor?" asked Car- 
 roll. "Shall I go for one?" 
 
 "His mother has sent. No use, though." 
 
 "He can't be saved?" 
 
 "Not a chance on earth. I should say he was 
 in the last stages." 
 
 "What is it?" said Carroll hesitantly. 
 
 "La muerte negra. The black death." 
 
 "Plague?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Are you sure? Are you an expert?" 
 
 "One does n't have to be to recognize a case 
 like that. The lump in the armpit is as big as a 
 pigeon's egg." 
 
 "Why have you interested yourself in the 
 man to such an extent?" asked Carroll curi- 
 ously. 
 
 203 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "He's a friend of mine. Why did you?" 
 
 "Oh, that's quite different. One can't dis- 
 regard a call for help such as yours." 
 
 "A certain kind of 'one' can't," returned the 
 Unspeakable Perk, with his half-smile. "You 
 don't mind my saying, Mr. Carroll, you're a 
 brave man." 
 
 "And I'd have said that you were n't," re- 
 plied the other bluntly. "I give it up. But I 
 know this: I'm going to be pretty wretchedly 
 frightened until I know that I have n't got it. 
 I'm frightened now." 
 
 "Then you're a braver man than I thought. 
 But the danger may be less than you think. 
 Stick to that cigar here are two more and 
 wait for me outside. Here's the doctor." 
 
 Profound and solemn under a silk hat, the 
 local physician entered, bowing to Carroll as 
 they passed in the hallway. Almost immedi- 
 ately Perkins emerged. On his face was a sar- 
 donic grin. 
 
 "Malaria," he observed. "The learned pro- 
 fessor assures me that it's a typical malaria." 
 
 "Then it isn't the plague," said Carroll, 
 relieved. 
 
 204 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 His relief was of brief duration. 
 
 "Of course it's plague. But if Professor Silk 
 Hat, in there, officially declared it such, he'd 
 have bracelets on his arms in twelve hours. The 
 present Government of Caracuna does n't be- 
 lieve in bubonic plague. I fancy our unfortu- 
 nate friend in there will presently disappear, 
 either just before or just after death. It does n't 
 greatly matter." 
 
 "What is to be done now?" asked Carroll. 
 
 "See that brush fire up there?" The hermit 
 pointed to the hillside. " If we steep ourselves 
 in that smoke until we choke, I think it will 
 discourage any fleas that may have harbored 
 on us. The flea is the only agent of communi- 
 cation." 
 
 Soot-begrimed, strangling, and with stream- 
 ing eyes, they emerged, five minutes later, from 
 the cloud of smoke. From his pocket the Un- 
 speakable Perk dragged forth his white gloves. 
 The action attracted his companion's attention. 
 
 "Good Lord!" he cried. "What has hap- 
 pened to your hands?" 
 
 "They're blistered." 
 
 "Stripped, rather. They look as if you'd 
 205 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 fallen into a fire, or rowed a fifty-mile race. 
 That message of Mr. Brewster's See here, 
 Perkins, yu did n't row that over to the main- 
 land? No, you could n't. That's absurd. It's 
 too far." 
 
 "No; I did n't row it to the mainland." 
 
 " But you Ve been rowing. I 'd swear to those 
 hands. Where? The blockading Dutch war- 
 ship?" 
 
 The other nodded. 
 
 "Last night. Yah h h!" he yawned. "It 
 makes me sleepy to think of it." 
 
 "Why didn't they blow you out of the 
 water?" 
 
 "Oh, I was semiofficially expected. Message 
 from our consul. They transferred the message 
 by wireless. I 'm telling you all this, Mr. Car- 
 roll, because I think you'll get your release 
 within forty-eight hours, and I want you to see 
 that some of your party keeps constantly in 
 touch with Mr. Sherwen. It's mighty impor- 
 tant that your party should get out before 
 plague is officially declared." 
 
 "Are you going to report this case?" 
 
 "All that I know about it." 
 206 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "But, of course, you can't report officially, 
 not being a physician," mused the other. " Still, 
 when Dr. Pruyn comes, it will be evidence for 
 him, won't it?" 
 
 "Undoubtedly. I should consider any delay 
 after twenty-four hours risky for your party." 
 
 "What shall you do? Stay?" 
 
 "Oh, 1 Ve my place in the mountains. That 's 
 remote enough to be safe. Thank Heaven, 
 there's a cloud over the sun! Let's sit down by 
 this tree for a minute." 
 
 Unthinkingly, as he stretched himself out, 
 the Unspeakable Perk pushed his goggles back 
 and presently slipped them off. Thus, when 
 Carroll, who had been gazing at the mist-capped 
 peak of the mountain in front, turned and met 
 his companion's eyes, he underwent something 
 of the same shock that Polly Brewster had ex- 
 perienced, though the nature of his sensation 
 was profoundly different. But his impression 
 of the suddenly revealed face was the same. 
 Ribbed-in though his mind was with tradition, 
 and distorted with falsely focused ideals and 
 prejudices, Preston Fairfax Fitzhugh Carroll 
 possessed a sound underlying judgment of his 
 
 207 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 fellow man, and was at bottom a frank and hon- 
 orable gentleman. In his belief, the suddenly 
 revealed face of the man beside him came near 
 to being its own guaranty of honor and good 
 faith. 
 
 "By Heavens, I don't believe it!" he blurted 
 out, his gaze direct upon the Unspeakable Perk. 
 
 "What don't you believe?" 
 
 "That rotten club gossip." 
 
 "About me?" 
 
 "Yes," said Carroll, reddening. 
 
 The hermit pushed his glasses down, settled 
 into place the white gloves, with their soothing 
 contents of emollient greases, and got to his feet. 
 
 "We'd best be moving. I've got much to 
 do," he said. 
 
 "Not yet," retorted Carroll. "Perkins, is 
 there a woman up there on the mountains with 
 you?" 
 
 "That is purely my own business." 
 
 "You told Miss Brewster there was n't. If 
 you tell me " 
 
 "I never told her any such thing. She mis- 
 understood." 
 
 "Who is the woman?" 
 208 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "If you want it even more frankly, that is 
 none of your concern." 
 
 "You have been letting Miss Brewster - 
 
 " Are you engaged to marry Miss Brewster ? " 
 
 "No." 
 
 "Then you have no authority to question 
 me. But," he added wearily, "if it will ease 
 your mind, and because of what you've done 
 to-day, I '11 tell you this that I do not expect 
 ever to see Miss Brewster again." 
 
 "That is n't enough," insisted Carroll, his 
 face darkening. "Her name has already been 
 connected with yours, and I intend to follow 
 this through. I am going to find out who the 
 woman is at your place." 
 
 "How do you propose to do it?" 
 
 "By coming to see." 
 
 "You'll be welcome," said the other grimly. 
 "By the way, here's a map." He made a quick 
 sketch on the back of an envelope. "I'll be 
 there at work most of to-morrow. Au revoir." 
 He rose and started down the hill. "Better 
 keep to yourself this evening," he warned. 
 "Take a dilute carbolic bath. You'll be all 
 right, I think." 
 
 209 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Slowly and thoughtfully the Southerner made 
 his way back to the hotel. After dining in his 
 own room, he found time heavy on his hands; 
 so, dispatching a note of excuse to Miss 
 Brewster on the plea of personal business, he 
 slipped out into the city. Wandering idly 
 toward the hills, he presently found himself in 
 a familiar street, and, impelled by human curi- 
 osity, proceeded to turn up the hill and stop 
 opposite the blank door. 
 
 Here he was puzzled. To go in and inquire, 
 even if he cared to and could make himself 
 understood, would perhaps involve further risk 
 of infection. While he was considering, the door 
 slowly opened, and the leather-skinned crone 
 appeared. Her eyes were swollen. In her hand 
 she carried a travesty of a wreath, done in whit- 
 ish metal, which she had interwoven with her 
 own black mantilla, the best substitute for 
 crape at hand. This she undertook to hang on 
 the door. 
 
 As Carroll crossed to address her, a powerful, 
 sullen-faced man, with a scarred forehead and 
 the insignia of some official status, apparently 
 civic, on his coat, emerged from a doorway and 
 
 210 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 addressed her harshly. She raised her reddened 
 eyes to him and seemed to be pleading for per- 
 mission to set up the little tribute to her dead. 
 There was the exchange of a few more words. 
 Then, with an angry exclamation, the official 
 snatched the wreath from her. Carroll's hand 
 fell on his shoulder. The man swung and saw a 
 stranger of barely half his bulk, who addressed 
 him in what seemed to be politely remonstrant 
 tones. He shook himself loose and threw the 
 wreath in the crone's face. Then he went down 
 like a log under the impact of a swinging blow 
 behind the ear. With a roar he leaped up and 
 rushed. The foreigner met him with right and 
 left, and this time he lay still. 
 
 Hanging the tragically unsightly wreath on 
 the door, through which the terrified mourner 
 had vanished, Carroll returned to the Gran Ho- 
 tel Kast, his perturbed and confused thoughts 
 and emotions notably relieved by that one com- 
 forting moment of action. 
 
X 
 
 THE FOLLY OF PERK 
 
 OF the comprehensive superiority of the 
 American Legation over the Gran Hotel 
 Kast there could be no shadow of a doubt. 
 From the moment of their arrival at noon of the 
 day after the British Minister's warning, the 
 refugees found themselves comfortable and 
 content, Miss Brews ter having quietly and tact- 
 fully taken over the management of internal 
 aifairs and reigning, at Sherwen's request, as 
 generalissima. No disturbance had marked the 
 transfer to their new abode. In fact, so wholly 
 lacking was any evidence of hostility to the for- 
 eigners on the part of the crowds on the streets 
 that the Brewsters rather felt themselves to be 
 extorting hospitality on false pretenses. Sher- 
 wen, however, exhibited signal relief upon see- 
 ing them safely housed. 
 
 "Please stay that way, too," he requested. 
 
 "But it seems so unnecessary, and I want to 
 market," protested Miss Polly. 
 
 "By no means! The market is the last place 
 212 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 where any of us should be seen. It is in that 
 section that Urgante has been doing his work." 
 
 "Who is he?" 
 
 "A wandering demagogue and cheap politi- 
 cian. Abuse of the * Yankis ' is his stock in trade. 
 Somebody has been furnishing him money lately. 
 That's the sole fuel to his fires of oratory." 
 
 "Bet the bills smelled of sauerkraut when 
 they reached him," grunted ClufT, striding over 
 to the window of the drawing-room, where the 
 informal conference was being held. 
 
 "They may have had a Hochwaldian origin," 
 admitted Sherwen. "But it would be difficult 
 to prove." 
 
 "At least the Hochwald Legation would n't 
 shed any tears over a demonstration against 
 us," said Carroll. 
 
 "Well within the limits of diplomatic truth," 
 smiled the American official. 
 
 "Pooh!" Mr. Brewster puifed the whole 
 matter out of consideration. " I don't believe a 
 word of it. Some of my acquaintances at the 
 club, men in high governmental positions, as- 
 sure me that there is no an ti- American feeling 
 here." 
 
 213 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Very likely they do. Frankness and plain- 
 speaking being, as you doubtless know, the dis- 
 tinguishing mark of the Caracunan statesman." 
 
 The sarcasm was not lost upon Mr. Brewster, 
 but it failed to shake his skepticism. 
 
 "There are some business matters that re- 
 quire that I should go to the office of the Ferro 
 carril del Norte this afternoon," he said. 
 
 " I beg that you do nothing of the sort, " cried 
 Sherwen sharply. 
 
 The magnate hesitated. He glanced out of 
 the window and along the street, elose bounded 
 by blank-walled houses, each with its eyes 
 closed against the sun. A solitary figure strode 
 rapidly across it. 
 
 "There's that bug- hunting fellow again," 
 said Mr. Brewster. "He's an American, I 
 guess, God save the mark! Nobody seems 
 to be interfering with him, and he's freaky 
 enough looking to start a riot on Broadway." 
 
 Further comment was checked by the voice 
 of the scientist at the door, asking to see Mr. 
 Sherwen at once. Miss Polly immediately 
 slipped out of the room to the patio 9 followed 
 by Carroll and Cluff. 
 
 214 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "My business, probably," remarked Mr. 
 Brewster. "I'll just stay and see." And he 
 stayed. 
 
 So far as the newcomer was concerned, how- 
 ever, he might as well not have been there; so 
 he, felt, with unwonted injury. The scientist, 
 disregarding him wholly, shook hands with 
 Sherwen. 
 
 "Have you heard from Wisner yet?" 
 
 "Yes. An hour ago." 
 
 "What was his message?" 
 
 "All right, any time to-day." 
 
 "Good ! Better get them down to-night, then, 
 so they can start to-morrow morning." 
 
 "Will Stark pass them?" 
 
 "Under restrictions. That's all been seen 
 
 to." 
 
 At this point it appeared to Mr. Brewster 
 that he had figured as a cipher quite long 
 enough. 
 
 "Am I right in assuming that you are talking 
 of my party's departure?" he inquired. 
 
 "Yes," said Sherwen. "The Dutch will let 
 you through the blockade." 
 
 "Then my cablegram reached the proper 
 215 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 parties at Washington," said the magnate, with 
 an I-knew-it-would-be-that-way air. 
 
 "Thanks to Mr. Perkins." 
 
 " Of course, of course. That will be er - 
 suitably attended to later." 
 
 The Unspeakable Perk turned and regarded 
 him fixedly; but, owing to the goggles, the ex- 
 pression was indeterminable. 
 
 "The fact is it would be more convenient for 
 me to go day after to-morrow than to-morrow." 
 
 "Then you'd better rent a house," was the 
 begoggled one's sharp and brief advice. 
 
 "Why so?" queried the great man, startled. 
 
 "Because if you don't get out to-morrow, 
 you may not get out for months." 
 
 "As I understand the Dutch permit, it spe- 
 cifies after to-day." 
 
 " It is n't a question of the Dutch. Caracuna 
 City goes under quarantine to-night, and 
 Puerto del Norte to-morrow, as soon as proper 
 official notification can be given." 
 
 "Then plague has actually been found?" 
 
 "Determined by bacteriological test this 
 morning." 
 
 "How do you know?" 
 216 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "I was present at the finding." 
 
 "Who did it? Dr. Pruyn?" 
 
 The other nodded. 
 
 Sherwen whistled. 
 
 "Better make ready to move, Mr. Brewster," 
 he advised. "You can't get out of port after 
 quarantine is on. At least, you could n't get 
 into any other port, even if you sailed, because 
 your sailing-master would n't have clearance 
 papers." 
 
 The magnate smiled. 
 
 " I hardly think that any United States Con- 
 sul, with a due regard for his future, would 
 refuse papers to the yacht Polly," he observed. 
 
 "Don't be a fool!" 
 
 Thatcher Brewster all but jumped from his 
 chair. That this adjuration should have come 
 from the freakish spectacle-wearer seemed im- 
 possible. Yet Sherwen, the only other person 
 in the room, was certainly not guilty. 
 
 "Did you address me, young man?" 
 
 "I did." 
 
 "Do you know, sir, that since boyhood no 
 person has dared or would dare to call me a 
 fool?" 
 
 217 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Well, I don't want to set a fashion," said 
 the other equably. "I'm only advising you 
 not to be." 
 
 "Keep your advice until it's wanted." 
 
 " If it were a question of you alone, I would. 
 But there are others to be considered. Now, 
 listen, Mr. Brews ter: Wisner and Stark would 
 n't let you through that quarantine, after it's 
 declared, if you were the Secretary himself. A 
 point is being stretched in giving you this 
 chance. If you'll agree to ship a doctor, 
 Stark will find you one, stay out for six full 
 days before touching anywhere, and, if plague 
 develops, make at once for any detention sta- 
 tion specified by the doctor, you can go. Those 
 are Stark's conditions." 
 
 "Damnable nonsense!" declared Mr. Brew- 
 ster, jumping to his feet, quite red in the face. 
 
 "Let me warn you, Mr. Brewster," put in 
 Sherwen, with quiet force, " that you are taking 
 a most unwise course. I am advised that Mr. 
 Perkins is acting under instructions from our 
 consulate." 
 
 "You say that Dr. Pruyn is here. I want to 
 see him before " 
 
 218 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 " How can you see him ? Nobody knows where 
 he is keeping himself. I have n't seen him yet 
 myself. Now, Mr. Brewster, just sit down and 
 talk this over reasonably with Mr. Perkins." 
 
 "Oh, no," said the third conferee positively; 
 " I Ve no time for argument. At six o'clock I '11 
 be back here. Unless you decide by then, I'll 
 telephone the consulate that the whole thing is 
 off." 
 
 "Of all the impudent, conceited, self-impor- 
 tant young whippersnappers!" fumed Mr. 
 Brewster. But he found that he had no audi- 
 ence, as Sherwen had followed the scientist out 
 of the room. 
 
 Before the afternoon was over, the American 
 concessionnaire had come to realize that the 
 situation was less assured than he had thought. 
 Twice the British Minister had come, and there 
 had been calls from the representatives of sev- 
 eral other nationalities. Von Plaanden, in full 
 uniform and girt with the short saber that is 
 the special and privileged arm of the crack cav- 
 alry regiment to which he belonged at home, had 
 dismounted to deliver personally a huge bouquet 
 for Miss Brewster, from the garden of the Hoch- 
 
 219 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 wald Legation, not even asking to see the girl, 
 but merely leaving the flowers as a further ex- 
 pression of his almost daily apology, and riding 
 on to an official review at the military park. 
 
 He had spoken vaguely to Sherwen of a rest- 
 less condition of the local mind. Reports, it 
 appeared, had been set afloat among the popu- 
 lace to the effect that an American sanitary 
 officer had been bribed by the enemies of Cara- 
 cuna to declare plague prevalent, in order to 
 close the ports and strangle commerce. Urgante 
 was going about the lower part of the city ha- 
 ranguing on street corners without interference 
 from the police. In the arroyo of the slaughter- 
 house, two American employees of the street- 
 car company had been stoned and beaten. 
 Much aguardiente was in process of consump- 
 tion, it being a half-holiday in honor of some 
 saint, and nobody knew what trouble might 
 break out. 
 
 "Solas are rolling around like balls on a bil- 
 liard table," said young Raiinonda, who had 
 come after luncheon to call on Miss Brews ter. 
 " In this part of the city there will be nothing. 
 You need n't be alarmed." 
 
 220 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Pm not afraid," said Miss Polly. 
 
 "I'm sure of it," declared the Caracunan, 
 with admiration. "You are very wonderful, 
 you American women." 
 
 "Oh, no. It's only that we love excitement," 
 she laughed. 
 
 "Ah, that is all very well, for a bull-fight or 
 'la boxe. 9 But for one of our street emeutes- 
 no; too much!" 
 
 They were seated on the roof of the half- 
 story of the house, which had been made into a 
 trellised porch overlooking the patio in the rear 
 and the street in front, an architectural wonder 
 in that city of dead walls flush with the side- 
 walk line all the way up. Leaning over the rail,, 
 the visitor pointed through the leaves of a small 
 gallito tree to a broad-fronted building almost 
 opposite. 
 
 "That is my club. You have other friends 
 there who would do anything for you, as I 
 would, so gladly," he added wistfully. "Will 
 you honor me by accepting this little whistle? 
 It is my hunting-whistle. And if there should 
 be anything but I think there will not you 
 will blow it, and there will be plenty to answer. 
 
 221 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 If not, you will keep it, please, to remember one 
 who will not forget you." 
 
 Handsome and elegant and courtly he was, a 
 true chevalier of adventurous pioneering stock, 
 sprung from the old proud Spanish blood, but 
 there stole behind the girl's vision, as she bade 
 him farewell, the undesired phantasm of a very 
 different face, weary and lined and lighted by 
 steadfast gray eyes eyes that looked truthful 
 and belonged to a liar! Miss Polly Brewster re- 
 sumed her final packing in a fume of rage at 
 herself. 
 
 All hands among the visitors passed the after- 
 noon dully. Mr. Brewster, who had finally 
 yielded to persuasion and decided not to ven- 
 ture out, though still deriding the restriction as 
 the merest nonsense, was in a mood of restless 
 silence, which his irrepressible daughter de- 
 scribed to Fitzhugh Carroll as "the superior 
 sulks." 
 
 Carroll himself kept pretty much aloof. He 
 had the air of a man who wrestles with a prob- 
 lem. Cluff fussed and fretted and privately 
 cursed the country and all its concessions. Be- 
 tween calls and the telephone, Sherwen was 
 
 222 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 kept constantly busy. But a few minutes be- 
 fore six, central, in the blandest Spanish, re- 
 gretted to inform him that Puerto del Norte was 
 cut off. When would service be resumed? 
 Quien sabe? It was an order. Hasta manana. 
 To-morrow, perhaps. Smoothing a furrow from 
 his brow, the sight of which would have done 
 nobody any good, he suggested that they all 
 gather on the roof porch for a swizzle. The sug- 
 gestion was hailed with enthusiasm. 
 
 Thus, when the Unspeakable Perk came hus- 
 tling down the street some minutes earlier than 
 the appointed time, he was hailed in Sherwen's 
 voice, and bidden to come directly up. No time, 
 on this occasion, for Miss Polly to escape. She 
 decided in one breath to ignore the man entirely; 
 in the next to bow coldly and walk out; in the 
 next to He was there before the latest wa- 
 vering decision could be formulated. 
 
 "Better all get inside," he said a little breath- 
 lessly. "There may be trouble." 
 
 Cluff brightened perceptibly. 
 
 "What kind of trouble?" 
 
 "Urgante is leading a mob up this way. 
 They're turning the corner now." 
 
 223 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 " I 'm going to wait and see them," cried Miss 
 Polly, with decision. 
 
 "Bend over, then, all of you," ordered Sherwen. 
 
 "The vines will cover you if you keep down." 
 
 Around the corner, up the hill from where 
 they were, streamed a rabble of boys, leaping 
 and whooping, and after them a more compact 
 crowd of men, shoeless, centering on a tall, 
 broad, heavy-mustached fellow who bore on a 
 short staff the Stars and Stripes. 
 
 "Where on earth did he get that?" cried 
 Sherwen. 
 
 "Looted the Bazaar Americana," replied 
 Perkins. 
 
 "That's Urgante," growled Cluff; "that 
 devil with the flag." 
 
 "But he seems to be eulogizing it," cried the 
 girl. 
 
 The orator had set down his bright burden, 
 wedging it in the iron guard railing of a tree, 
 and was now apostrophizing it with extravagant 
 bows and honeyed accents in which there was 
 an undertone of hiss. For confirmation, Miss 
 Polly turned to the others. The first face her 
 eyes fell on was that of the ball-player. Every 
 
 224 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 muscle in it was drawn, and from the tightened 
 lips streamed such whispered curses as the girl 
 never before had heard. Next him stood the 
 hermit, solid and still, but with a queer spread- 
 ing pallor under his tan. In front of them Sher- 
 wen was crouched, scowlingly alert. The ex- 
 pression of Mr. Brewster and Carroll, neither of 
 whom understood Spanish, betokened watchful 
 puzzlement. 
 
 Enlightenment burst upon them the next 
 minute. From the motley crowd below rose a 
 snarl of laughter and savage jeering, the object 
 of which was unmistakable. 
 
 "By G d!" cried Mr. Brewster, straighten- 
 ing up and grasping the railing. "They're in- 
 sulting the flag!" 
 
 "Pve left my pistol!" muttered Carroll, 
 white-lipped. "I've left my pistol!" 
 
 Polly Brewster's hand flew to her belt. 
 
 She drew out the automatic and held it to- 
 ward the Southerner. But it was not Carroll's 
 hand that met hers; it was the Unspeakable 
 Perk's. 
 
 "No," said he, and he flung the weapon back 
 of him into the patio. 
 
 225 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Oh! Oh!" cried the girl. "You unspeak- 
 able coward!" 
 
 Carroll jumped forward, but Sherwen was 
 equally quick. He interposed his slight frame. 
 
 "Perkins is right," he said decisively. "No 
 shooting. It would be worth the life of every 
 one here. We've got to stand it. But somebody 
 is going to sweat blood for this day's work!" 
 
 The instinct of discipline, characteristic of 
 the professional athlete, brought Cluff to his 
 support. 
 
 "What Mr. Sherwen says, goes," he said, 
 almost choking on the words. "We've got to 
 stand it." 
 
 In the breast of Miss Polly Brewster was no 
 response to this spirit. She was lawless with the 
 lawlessness of unconquered youth and beauty. 
 
 "Oh!" she breathed. "If I had my pistol 
 back, I'd shoot that beast myself!" 
 
 The scientist turned his goggles hesitantly 
 upon her. 
 
 "Miss Brewster," he began, "please don't 
 think" 
 
 "Don't speak to me!" she cried. 
 
 Another clamor of derision sounded from the 
 226 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 street as Urgante resumed the standard of his 
 mockery and led his rabble forward. Behind 
 the dull-colored mass appeared a spot of splen- 
 dor. It was Von Plaanden, gorgeous in his full 
 regalia, who had turned the corner, returning 
 from the public reception. Well back of the 
 mob, he pulled his horse up, and sat watching. 
 The coincidence was unfortunate. It seemed to 
 justify Sherwen's bitter words : 
 
 " Come to visa his work. There 's the Hoch- 
 waldian for you!" 
 
 Forward danced and reeled the "Yanki" 
 baiters below, until they were under the balcony 
 where the little group of Americans sheltered 
 and raged silently. There the orator again 
 spewed forth his contempt upon the alien ban- 
 ner, and again the ranks behind him shrieked 
 their approval of the affront. Miss Polly 
 Brews ter, American of Americans, whose great- 
 grandfathers had fought with Herkimer and 
 Steuben, themselves the sons of women who 
 had stood by the loopholes of log houses and 
 caught up the rifles of their fallen pioneer hus- 
 bands, wherewith to return the fire of the be- 
 sieging Mohawks, ran forward to the railing, 
 
 227 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 snatching her skirt from the detaining grasp of 
 her father. In the corner stood a huge bowl of 
 roses. Gathering both hands full, she leaned 
 forward and flung them, so that they fell in a 
 shower of loveliness upon the insulted flag of 
 her nation. 
 
 For an instant silence fell upon the "great 
 unwashed" below. Out of it swelled a mutter- 
 ing as the leader made a low, mocking obeisance 
 to the girl, following it with a word that brought 
 a jubilant yelp from his adherents. Stooping, 
 he ladled up in his cupped hand a quantity of 
 gutter filth. Where the flowers had but a mo- 
 ment before fluttered in the folds, he splotched 
 it, smearing star, bar, and blue with its black- 
 ness. At the sight, the girl burst into helpless 
 tears, and so stood weeping, openly, bitterly, 
 and unashamed. 
 
 No brain is so well ordered, no emotion so 
 thoroughly controlled, but that under sudden 
 pressure click ! the mechanism slips a cog 
 and runs amuck. Just that thing happened in- 
 side the Unspeakable Perk's smooth-running, 
 scientific brain upon incitement of his flag's 
 desecration and his lady's grief. To her it 
 
 228 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 seemed that he shot past her horizontally like a 
 human dart. The next second he was over the 
 railing, had swung from a branch of the neigh- 
 boring tree to the trunk, and leaped to the 
 ground, all in one movement of superhuman 
 agility. To the mob his exploit was apparently 
 without immediate significance. Perhaps they 
 did n't notice the descent; or perhaps those few 
 who saw were so astonished at the apparition 
 of a chunky tree-man with protuberant eyes 
 scrambling down upon them in the manner of 
 an ape, that they failed to appreciate what it 
 might portend of trouble. 
 
 The hermit landed solidly on his feet a few 
 yards from Urgante, the flag bearer. With a 
 berserker yell, he rushed. Taken by surprise, 
 the assailed one still had time to lift the heavy 
 staff. As quickly, the American lowered his 
 head and dove. It may not have been magnifi- 
 cent; it certainly was not war by the rules; but it 
 was eminently effective. To say that the leader 
 went down would be absurdly inadequate. He 
 simply crumpled. Over and over he rolled on 
 the cobbles, while the smirched flag flew clear 
 of his grasp, and fell on the farther sidewalk. 
 
 229 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Wow!" yelled Cluff, leaping into the air. 
 "Football! That cost him a couple of ribs. 
 Hey, Rube!" 
 
 And he rushed for the stairs, followed by 
 Carroll, Sherwen, and, only one jump behind, 
 Mr. Thatcher Brewster, cursing in a manner 
 that did credit to his patriotism, but would have 
 added no luster to his record as an elder of the 
 Pioneer Presbyterian Church, of Utica, New 
 York. 
 
 Meantime, the Unspeakable Perk, having 
 rolled free of the fallen enemy, staggered to his 
 feet and caught up the flag. Stunned surprise 
 on the part of the crowd gave him an instant's 
 time. He edged along the curb, hoping to gain 
 the legation door by a rush. But the foe threw 
 out a wing, cutting him off. Several eager fol- 
 lowers had lifted Urgante, whose groans and 
 curses suggested a sound basis for duff's diag- 
 nosis. Himself quite hors de combat, he spat at 
 the Unspeakable Perk, and cried upon his 
 henchmen to kill the "Yanki." It seemed not 
 improbable to the latter that they would do it. 
 Perkins set his back to the wall, twirled the flag 
 folds tight around the pole, reversed and clubbed 
 
 230 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 the staff, and prepared to make any attempt at 
 killing as uncomfortable and unprofitable as 
 possible. The rabble, by no means favorably 
 impressed by these businesslike proceedings, 
 stood back, growling. 
 
 A hand flew up above the crowd. The Un- 
 speakable Perk ducked sharply and just in 
 time, as a knife struck the wall above him and 
 clattered to the pavement. Instantly he caught 
 it up, but the blade had snapped off short. As 
 he stooped, one bold spirit rushed in. Perkins 
 met him with a straight lance-thrust of the 
 staff, which sent him reeling and shrieking with 
 pain back to his fellows. But now another knife, 
 and another, struck and fell from the wall at 
 his back; badly aimed both, but presumably 
 the forerunners of missiles, some of which would 
 show better marksmanship. The assailed man 
 cast a swift, desperate look about him; the 
 crowd closed in a little. Obviously he must 
 keep "eyes front." 
 
 "To your left! To your left!" The voice 
 came to him clear and sweet above the swelling 
 growl of the rabble. "The doorway! Get into 
 the doorway, Mr. Beetle Man." 
 
 231 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 A few paces away, how far Perkins could 
 only guess, was the entrance to the house. He 
 surmised that, like many of the better-class 
 houses, it had a small set-in door, at right 
 angles to the main entrance, that would serve 
 as a shallow shelter. Without raising his eyes, 
 he nodded comprehension, and began to edge 
 along the wall, swinging his stout weapon. As 
 he went, he wondered what was keeping the 
 others. At that moment the others were franti- 
 cally wrestling with the all-too-adequate bars 
 with which Sherwen had reinforced the wide 
 door. 
 
 Perkins, feeling with a cautious heel, found 
 himself opposite the entry indicated by the 
 voice. Turning, he darted into the narrow em- 
 brasure. Here he was comparatively safe from 
 the missiles that were now coming from all 
 directions. On the other hand, he now lacked 
 room to swing his formidable club. The peons, 
 with a shout, closed in to arm's length. Alone 
 on her balcony, the girl turned her head away 
 and cried aloud, hopelessly, for help. She 
 wanted to close her ears against the bestial 
 shouts of a mob trampling to death a defense- 
 
 232 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 less man, but her arms were of lead. She lis- 
 tened and shivered. 
 
 Instead of the sound that she dreaded, there 
 came the ringing of hoofs on stones, followed 
 by yells of alarm. She opened her eyes, to see 
 Von Plaanden, bent forward in his saddle at the 
 exact angle proper to the charge, urging his 
 great horse down upon the mass of people as 
 ruthlessly as if they had been so many insects. 
 Through the circle he broke, swinging his mount 
 around beside the shallow doorway before 
 which three Caracunans already lay sprawled, 
 attesting the vigor of the defender's final resist- 
 ance. Back of the horseman lay half a dozen 
 other figures. The Hochwaldian jerked out his 
 sword and stood, a splendid spectacle. Very 
 possibly he was not wholly unmindful of his 
 own pictorial quality or of the lovely American 
 witness thereto. 
 
 His intervention gave a few seconds' respite, 
 one of those checks that save battles and make 
 history. Now, in the further making of this 
 particular history, sounded a lusty whoop from 
 the opposite direction; such a battle slogan as 
 only the Anglo-Saxon gives. It emanated from 
 
 233 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Galpy, the bounder, bounding now, indeed, at 
 full speed up the slope, followed by two of his 
 fellow railroad men, flannel-clad and still per- 
 spiring from their afternoon's cricket. Against 
 bare legs a cricket bat is a highly dissuasive 
 argument. The Britons swung low and hard 
 for the ancient right of the breed to break into 
 a row wherever white men are in the minority 
 against other races. The downhill wing of the 
 mob being much the weakest, opened up for 
 them with little resistance, leaving them a free 
 path to the cavalryman, to whose side Perkins, 
 with staff ready brandished, had advanced from 
 his shelter. 
 
 "Wot's the merry game?" inquired the cock- 
 ney cheerfully. 
 
 Before them the crowd swayed and parted, 
 and there appeared, lifted by many arms, a 
 figure with a dead-white face streaked with 
 blood, running from a great gash in the 
 scalp. 
 
 "He went down in front of my horse," ex- 
 plained the Hochwald secretary coolly. 
 
 At the sight, there rose from the crowd a 
 wailing cry, qy ite different from its former voice. 
 
 234 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Galpy's teeth set and his cricket bat went up 
 in the air. 
 
 "There'll be killing for this," he said. "I 
 know these blightehs. That yell means blood. 
 We must make a bolt for it. Is this all there is 
 of us?" 
 
 At the moment of his asking, it was. One 
 half a second later, it was n't, as the last of the 
 legation's stubborn bars yielded, the door burst 
 open, and the four Americans tumbled out at 
 the charge, Cluff yelling insanely, Carroll in 
 deadly quiet, Sherwen alertly scanning the 
 adversaries for identifiable faces, and Elder 
 Brewster still imperiling his soul by the fervor 
 of his language. Each was armed with such 
 casual weapons as he had been able to catch up. 
 Carroll, a leap in advance of the rest, encoun- 
 tered an Indian drover, half-dodged a swinging 
 blow from his whip, and sent him down with a 
 broken shoulder from a chop with a baseball 
 club that he had found in the haiiway. A bull- 
 like charge had carried Cluff deep among the 
 Caracuiians, where he encountered a huge peon, 
 whom he seized and flung bodily over the 
 iron guard of a samon tree, where the man hung, 
 
 235 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 yelling dismally. Two other peons, who had 
 seized the athlete around the knees, were all 
 but brained by a stoneware gin bottle in the 
 hands of Sherwen. Meanwhile, Mr. Brewster 
 was performing prodigies with a niblick which 
 he had extracted, at full run, from a bag oppor- 
 tunely resting against the hat-rack. Almost 
 before they knew it, the rescue party had 
 broken the intercepting wing of the mob, and 
 had joined the others. 
 
 Cluff threw a gorilla-like arm across the Un- 
 speakable Perk's shoulder. 
 
 "Hurt, boy?" he cried anxiously. 
 
 "No, I'm all right. Who's left with Miss 
 Brewster?" 
 
 "Nobody. We must get back." 
 
 Sherwen's cool voice cut in : 
 
 "Close together, now. Keep well up. Herr 
 von Plaanden, will you cover us at the end?" 
 
 "It is the post of honor," said the Hoch- 
 waldian. 
 
 "You Ve earned it. But for you, they'd have 
 got our colors." 
 
 The foreigner bowed, and swung his horse 
 toward a Caracuiian who had pressed forward 
 
 236 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 a little too near. But, for the moment the fight 
 had oozed out of the mob. 
 
 Without mishap the group got across the 
 street, Perkins still clinging to the flag. 
 
 Suddenly, from the rear rank, came a shower 
 of stones, followed by the final rush. Galpy and 
 Perkins went down. Von Plaanden tottered in 
 his saddle, but quickly recovered. Instantly 
 Perkins was up again, the blood streaming from 
 the side of his head. He was conscious of brown 
 hands clutching at the cricketer, to drag him 
 away. He himself seized the cockney's legs and 
 braced for that absurd and deadly tug of war. 
 Then Von Plaanden's saber descended, and he 
 was able to haul Galpy back into safety. 
 
 The situation was desperate now. Mr. 
 Brewster was pinned against the wall and dis- 
 armed, but still fighting with fist and foot. Half 
 a dozen peons were struggling with Cluff across 
 the bodies of as many more whom he had 
 knocked down. Sherwen, almost under the 
 cavalryman's mount, was protecting his rear 
 with the fallen Galpy's cricket bat, and the two 
 other cricketers were fighting back to back on 
 the other side. Carroll was clubbing his way 
 
 237 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 toward Mr. Brews ter, but his weapon was now 
 in his left hand. Matters looked dark indeed, 
 when there shrilled fiercely from above them 
 the whirring peal of a silver whistle. 
 
 Polly Brewster had remembered Raimonda. 
 It seemed a futile signal, for as she ran to the 
 railing and gazed across at the Club Amicitia, 
 she saw all its windows and doors tight closed, 
 as befits an aristocratic club that has no con- 
 cern with the affairs of the rabble. But there is 
 no way of closing a patio from the top, and 
 sounds can enter readily that way, when all 
 other apertures are shut. Long and loud Miss 
 Polly blew the signal on the silver hunting- 
 whistle. 
 
 In the club patio, Raimonda was chafing and 
 wondering, and a score of his friends were drink- 
 ing and waiting. That signal released their 
 activities and terminated the battle of the 
 American Legation most ingloriously for the 
 forces of Urgante. For the gilded youth of Cara- 
 cufia bears a heavy cane of fashion, and carries 
 a ready revolver, also, although not so admit- 
 tedly as a matter of fashion. Furthermore, he 
 has a profound contempt for the peon class; a 
 
 238 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 contempt extending to life and limb. There- 
 fore, when some two dozen young patricians 
 sallied abruptly forth with their canes, and the 
 mob caught sight, here and there, of a glint of 
 nickel against the black, it gave back promptly. 
 Some desultory stones rattled against the walls. 
 There were answering reports a few, and sun- 
 dry yells of pain. The army of Urgante broke 
 and fled down the side streets, leaving behind 
 its broken and its wounded. Most of the bullet 
 casualties were below the knee. The Caracu- 
 nan aristocrat always fires low the first time. 
 Shortly thereafter, Miss Polly Brewster ap- 
 peared upon the balcony of the American Lega- 
 tion, and performed an illegal act. Upon a day 
 not designated as a Caracufian national holiday, 
 she raised the flag of an alien nation and fixed 
 it, and the gilded youth of Caracuna in the 
 street below cheered, not the flag, which would 
 have been unpatriotic, but the flag-raiser, which 
 was but gallant, until they were hoarse and 
 parched of throat. 
 
XI 
 
 PRESTO CHANGE! 
 
 AFTER the battle, Miss Brewster reviewed 
 her troops, and took stock of casualties, 
 in the patio. None of the allied forces had 
 come off scatheless. Galpy, whose injuries had 
 at first seemed the most severe, responded to 
 a stiff dose of brandy. A cut across the scien- 
 tist's head had been hastily bandaged in a 
 towel, giving him, as he observed, the appear- 
 ance of a dissipated Hindu. To Von Plaanden's 
 indignant disgust, his military splendor was 
 seriously impaired by a huge "hickey" over his 
 left eye, the memento of a well-aimed rock. 
 Cluff had broken a finger and sprained his 
 wrist. Mr. Brewster was anxious to know if 
 any one had seen two teeth of his on the pave- 
 ment or whether he was to look for later diges- 
 tive indications of their whereabouts. Both of 
 the young cricketers had been battered and 
 bruised, though it was nothing, they gleefully 
 averred, to what they had meted out. And Car- 
 roll had a nasty-looking knife-thrust in his 
 shoulder. 
 
 240 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 All of them were disheveled, dilapidated, and 
 grimy to the last degree, except the Hochwald- 
 ian, who still sat his horse, which he had rid- 
 den into the patio. But Miss Polly said to her- 
 self, with a thrill of pride, that no woman need 
 wish a more gallant and devoted band of de- 
 fenders. Leaning over them from the inner rail- 
 ing of the balcony, she surveyed them with 
 sparkling eyes. 
 
 " It was magnificent ! " she cried. " Oh, I 'm so 
 proud of you all! I could hug you, every one!" 
 
 "Better come down from there, Polly," said 
 her father anxiously. "Some of those ruffians 
 might come back." 
 
 "NottQ-day," said Sherwen grimly. "They've 
 had enough." 
 
 "That is correct," confirmed Von Plaanden. 
 "Nevertheless, there may be disorder later. 
 Would it not be better that you go to the Brit- 
 ish Legation, Fraulein?" 
 
 " Not I ! " she returned. " I stay by my colors. 
 And now I'm going to disband my army." 
 
 Stretching out her hand to a vase near her, 
 she drew out a rose of deepest red and held it 
 above Von Plaanden. 
 
 241 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "The color of my country," said Von Plaan- 
 den gravely. "May I take it for a sign that I 
 am forgiven?" 
 
 "Fully, freely, and gladly," said the girl. 
 "You have put a debt upon us all that I that 
 we can never repay." 
 
 "It is I who pay. You will not think of me 
 too hardly, for my one breach?" 
 
 "I shall think of you as a hero," said the 
 girl impetuously. "And I shall never forget. 
 Catch, O knight." 
 
 The rose fell, and was caught. Von Plaanden 
 bowed low over it. Then he straightened to the 
 military salute, and so rode out of the door and 
 out of the girl's life. 
 
 "Men are strange creatures," mused the 
 philosopher of twenty. "You think they are 
 perfectly horrid, and suddenly they show their 
 other side to you, and you think they are per- 
 fectly splendid. I wish I knew a little more 
 about real people." 
 
 She confessed to no more specific thought, 
 but as she descended the stairs to bid farewell 
 to the blushing and deprecatory Britons, she 
 was eager to have it over with, and to come to 
 
 242 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 speech with her beetle man, who had so strangely 
 flamed into action. The Unspeakable Perk! As 
 the name formed on her lips, she smiled ten- 
 derly. With sad lack of logic, she was ready to 
 discard every suspicion of him that she had 
 harbored, merely on the strength of his reckless 
 outbreak of patriotism. She looked about the 
 patio, but he was not there. Sherwen came 
 out of a side door, his face puckered with 
 anxiety. 
 
 "Where is Mr. Perkins?" she asked. 
 
 "In there." He nodded back over his shoul- 
 der. "Your father is with him. Perhaps you'd 
 better go in." 
 
 With a chill at her heart, Polly entered the 
 room, where Mr. Brewster bent a troubled face 
 over a head swathed in reddened bandages. 
 
 Very crumpled and limp looked the Un- 
 speakable Perk, bunched humpily upon the 
 little sofa. His goggles had fallen off, and lay 
 on the floor beside him, contriving somehow to 
 look momentously solemn and important all by 
 themselves. His face was turned half away, 
 and, as Polly's gaze fell upon it, she felt again 
 that queer catch at her heart. 
 
 243 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Would n't know it was the same chap, 
 would you?" whispered Mr. Brewster. 
 
 The girl picked up the grotesque spectacles, 
 cradling them for an instant in her hands before 
 she put them aside and leaned over the quiet 
 form. 
 
 "Came staggering in, and just collapsed 
 down there," continued her father huskily. 
 "Lord, I would n't lose that boy after this for a 
 million dollars!" 
 
 "Why do you talk that way?" she demanded 
 sharply. "What has happened? Did he faint?" 
 
 "Just collapsed. When I tried to rouse him, 
 he kicked me in the chest," replied the magnate, 
 with somber seriousness. 
 
 "Oh, you goose of a dad ! " There was a trem- 
 ulous note in Polly's low laughter. "That's all 
 right, then. Can't you see he's dead for sleep, 
 poor beetle man?" 
 
 "Do you think so?" said Mr. Brewster, 
 vastly relieved. "Had n't I better go out for a 
 doctor, and make sure?" 
 
 She shook her head. 
 
 "Let him rest. Hand me that pillow, please, 
 dad." 
 
 244 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 With soft little pushes and wedges she worked 
 it under the scientist's head. "What a dreadful 
 botch of bandaging! He looks so pale! I won- 
 der if I could n't get those cloths off. Lend me 
 your knife, dad." 
 
 Gently as she worked, the head on the pillow 
 began to sway, and the lips to move. 
 
 "Oh, let me alone!" they muttered queru- 
 lously. 
 
 The eyes opened. The Unspeakable Perk 
 gazed up into the faces above him, but saw 
 only one, a face whose tender concern softened 
 it to a loveliness greater even than when he had 
 last seen it. He tried to rise, but the hands that 
 pressed him back were firm and quick. 
 
 "Lie still!" bade their owner. 
 
 A thin film of color mounted to his cheeks. 
 
 "I I beg your pardon," he stammered. 
 " I I d-did n't know " 
 
 "Don't be a goose!" she adjured him. "It's 
 only me." 
 
 "Yes, that's the trouble." He closed his eyes 
 again, and began to murmur. 
 
 "What does he say?" asked Mr. Brewster, 
 lowering his head and almost falling over back- 
 
 245 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 ward as his astonished ears were greeted by the 
 slowly intoned rhythm: 
 
 " Scarab, tarantula, doodle-bug, flea." 
 
 " Delirious ! " exclaimed the magnate. " Clean 
 off his head ! How does one find a doctor in this 
 town?" 
 
 "No need, dad," his daughter reassured him. 
 "It's just a a sort of game." 
 
 "Game! Did you hear what he said?" 
 
 "Well, a kind of password. It 's all right, 
 Dad. It is, really." 
 
 Still undecided, Mr. Brewster stared at the 
 injured man. 
 
 " I don't know " he began, when the eyes 
 opened again. 
 
 "Feeling better?" inquired Polly briskly. 
 
 "Yes. The charm works perfectly." 
 
 "Anything I can do, or get, for you, my 
 boy?" inquired Mr. Brewster, stepping forward. 
 
 "What's in the ice-box?" asked the other 
 anxiously. 
 
 "Oh!" cried the girl in distress. "He's starv- 
 ing! When did you eat last?" 
 
 " I can't exactly remember. It was about five 
 246 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 this morning, I think. A banana, and, as I re- 
 call it, a small one." 
 
 "Dad!" cried the girl, but that prompt 
 and efficient gentleman was already halfway 
 to the cook, dragging Sherwen along as inter- 
 preter. 
 
 "He'll get whatever there is in the shortest 
 known time," the girl assured her patient. 
 "Trust dad. Now, you lie back and let me fix 
 up a fresh bandage." 
 
 "You'd have made a great trained nurse," 
 he murmured, as she adjusted the clean strips 
 that Sherwen had sent in. "Don't pin my ear 
 down. It's got to help hold my goggles on." 
 
 "The dear funny goggles!" Picking them 
 up, she patted them with dainty fingers, before 
 setting them aside. He watched her uneasily, 
 much in the manner of a dog whose bone has 
 been taken away. 
 
 "Do you mind giving them back?" he said. 
 
 "But you're not going to wear them here," 
 she protested. 
 
 " I Ve got so used to them," he explained 
 apologetically, " that I don't feel really dressed 
 without them." 
 
 247 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 She handed them back and he adjusted 
 them to the bandages. "For the present, rest 
 is prescribed you know," said she. 
 
 " Oh, no ! " he declared. " As soon as I Ve had 
 something to eat, I '11 go. There are a hundred 
 things to be done. Where are my gloves?" 
 
 "What gloves? Oh, those white abomina- 
 tions? Why on earth do you wear them?" Her 
 glance fell upon his right hand, which lay half- 
 open beside him. "Oh oh oh!" she cried 
 in a rising scale of distress. "What have you 
 done to your hands?" 
 
 He reddened perceptibly. 
 
 "Nothing." 
 
 "Nothing, indeed! Tell me at once!" 
 
 "I've been rowing." 
 
 "Where to?" 
 
 "Oh, out to a ship." 
 
 "There are n't any ships, except the Dutch 
 warship. Was it to her?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "To carry our message my message?" 
 
 He squirmed. 
 
 "I'm awfully sleepy," he protested. "It 
 is n't fair to cross-examine a witness " 
 
 248 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "When was it?" his ruthless interrogator 
 broke in. 
 
 "Night before last." 
 
 "How far?" 
 
 "How can I tell? Not far. A few miles." 
 
 "And back. And it took you all night," she 
 accused. 
 
 "What if it did?" he cried peevishly. "A 
 man 's got to have some relief from work, has n't 
 he? It was livelier than sitting all night with 
 one's eye glued to a microscope barrel!" 
 
 "Oh, beetle man, beetle man! I don't know 
 about you at all. What kind of a strange queer 
 creature are you? Have you wings, Mr. Beetle 
 Man?" 
 
 Suddenly she bent over and laid her soft 
 lips upon the scarified palm. The Unspeakable 
 Perk sat up, with a half-cry. 
 
 "Now the other one," said the girl. Her face 
 was a mantle of rose-color, but her eyes shone. 
 
 "I won't! You shan't!" 
 
 "The other one!" she commanded imperi- 
 ously. 
 
 "Please, Miss Brewster " 
 
 A noise at the door saved him. There stood 
 249 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Thatcher Brewster, magnate, multi-millionaire, 
 and master of men, a huge tray in his hands. 
 
 "Beefsteak, fried potatoes, alligator pear, 
 fresh bread, real butter, coffee, and cake," he 
 proclaimed jovially. "Not to mention a cock- 
 tail, which I compounded with my own skilled 
 hands. Are you ready, my boy? Go!" 
 
 The Unspeakable Perk leaped from his couch. 
 
 "Food!" he cried. "Real American food! 
 The perfume of it is a square meal." 
 
 "You're much gladder to see it than you 
 were me," pouted Miss Polly. 
 
 "I'm not half as afraid of it," he admitted. 
 "Mr. Brewster, your health." 
 
 "Here's to you, my boy. Now I '11 leave you 
 with your nurse, and make my final arrange- 
 ments. We're off by special in the morning." 
 
 "That's fine!" said the scientist. 
 
 But Miss Polly Brewster caught the turn 
 of his head in her direction, and saw that his 
 fork had slackened in his hand. Something 
 tightened around her heart. 
 
 As he went, her father considered her for a 
 moment, and wondered. Never before had he 
 seen such a look in her eyes as that which she 
 250 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 had turned on the queer, vivid stranger so busily 
 engaged at the tray. Polly, and this obscure 
 scientist! After the kind of men whom the girl 
 had known, enslaved, and eluded! Absurd! Yet 
 if it were to be Mr. Brews ter reviewed the 
 events of the afternoon well, it might be 
 worse. 
 
 "By the Lord Harry, he's a man, anyway!" 
 decided Thatcher Brewster. 
 
 Meanwhile, the subject of his musings began 
 to feel like a man once more, instead of like a 
 lath. Having wrought havoc among the edibles, 
 he rose with a sigh. 
 
 "If I could have one hour's sleep," he said 
 mournfully, "I'd be fit as a cricket." 
 
 "You shall," said the girl. "Mr. Sherwen 
 says he won't let you out of the house until it's 
 dark. And that's fully an hour." 
 
 "I ought to be on my way back now." 
 
 "Back where? To your mountains?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "You'd be recognized and attacked before 
 you could get out of the city. I won't let you." 
 
 "That would n't do, for a fact. Perhaps it 
 would be safer to wait. I've made enough 
 
 251 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 trouble for one day by my blunder-headed 
 thoughtlessness." 
 
 "Is that what you call rescuing the flag?" 
 
 "Oh, rescuing!" he said slightingly. "What 
 difference does it make what vermin like that 
 mob do? Just for a whim, to endanger all of 
 you." 
 
 She stared at him in amaze and suspicion. 
 But he was quite honest. 
 
 "My whim," she reminded him. 
 
 "Yes; I suppose it was," he admitted 
 thoughtfully. "When I saw you crying, I lost 
 my head, and acted like a child." 
 
 "Then it was all my fault?" 
 
 "Oh, I don't say that. Certainly not. I'm 
 master of my own actions. If I had n't 
 wanted " 
 
 "But it was my fault this much, anyway, 
 that you would n't have done it except for me." 
 
 "Yes; it was your fault to that extent," he 
 said honestly. "I hope you don't mind my 
 saying so." 
 
 "Oh, beetle man, beetle man!" She leaned 
 forward, her eyes deep-lit pools of mirth and 
 mockery and some more occult feeling that he 
 
 252 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 could not interpret. "Would it scare you quite 
 out of your poor, queer wits if I were to hug 
 you? Don't call for help. I'm not really going 
 to do it." 
 
 " I know you 're not," said he dolefully. " But 
 about that row, I want to set myself right. I 'm 
 no fool. I know it took a certain amount of 
 nerve to go down there. And I was even proud 
 of it, in a way. And when Von Plaanden turned 
 and gave me the salute before he went away, I 
 liked it quite a good deal." 
 
 "Did he do that? I love him for it!" cried 
 the girl. 
 
 "But my point is this, that what I did 
 was n't sound common sense. Now if Carroll 
 had done it, it would have been all right." 
 
 "Why for him and not for you?" 
 
 "Because those are his principles. They're 
 not mine." 
 
 " I wish you were n't quite so contemptuous 
 of poor Fitz. It seems hardly fair." 
 
 "Contemptuous of him? I'd give half my 
 life to be in his place after to-morrow." 
 
 "Why?" There was a flutter in her throat 
 as she put the question. 
 
 253 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Because he's going with you, is n't he?" 
 
 " So are you, if you will." 
 
 "I can't." 
 
 "Father won't go without you, I believe. 
 Won't you come, if I ask you?" 
 
 "No." 
 
 "Work, I suppose," said the girl; "the work 
 that you love better than anything in the world." 
 
 "You're wrong there." His voice was not 
 quite steady now. "But it's work that has to 
 have my first consideration now. And there is 
 one special responsibility that I can't evade, 
 for the present, anyway." 
 
 "And afterward?" She dared not look at 
 him as she spoke. 
 
 "Ah, afterward. There's too much * perhaps' 
 in the afterward down here. We science grub- 
 bers on the outposts enlist for the term of the 
 war," he said, smiling wanly. 
 
 "How can I can we go and leave you 
 here ? " she demanded obstinately. 
 
 "Oh, give me a square meal once in a while, 
 and a night's rest here and there, and I'll do 
 well enough." 
 
 "Oh, dear! I forgot your sleep. Here I've 
 254 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 been chattering like a magpie. Take off your 
 coat and lie down on that sofa at once." 
 
 "Where shall I find you when I wake up?" 
 
 "Right where you leave me when you fall 
 asleep." 
 
 "Oh, no! You must n't wear yourself out 
 watching over me." 
 
 "Hush! You're under orders. Give me the 
 coat." She hung it on the back of a chair. "Not 
 another word now. And I '11 call you when time 
 is up." 
 
 He closed his eyes, and the girl sat studying 
 his face in the dim light, graving it deep on her 
 inner vision, seeking to formulate some concep- 
 tion of the strange being so still and placid be- 
 fore her. How had she ever thought him ridicu- 
 lous and uncouth ? How had she ever dared to 
 insult him by distrust? What did it matter 
 what other men, estimating him by their own 
 sordid standards, said of him ? As if her thought 
 had established a connection with his, he opened 
 his eyes and sat up. 
 
 " I knew there was something I wanted to ask 
 you," he said. "What did your 'Never, never, 
 never' mean?" 
 
 255 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "A foolish misunderstanding that I'm 
 ashamed of." 
 
 "Was it that that woman-gossip busi- 
 ness?" 
 
 "Yes. I was stupid. Will you forgive me?" 
 
 "What is there to forgive? Some time, per- 
 haps, you'll understand the whole thing." 
 
 "Please don't let's say anything more about 
 it. I do understand." 
 
 This was not quite true. All that Polly 
 Brewster knew was that, with those clear gray 
 eyes meeting hers, she would have believed his 
 honor clean and high against the world. The 
 presence of the woman, even that dress flutter- 
 ing in the wind, was susceptible of a hundred 
 simple explanations. 
 
 "Ah, that's all right, then." There was relief 
 in his tone. "Of course, in a place like this there 
 is a lot of gossip and criticism. And when one 
 runs counter to the general law " 
 
 "Counter to the law?" 
 
 "Yes. As a rule, I'm not 'beyond the pale of 
 law,'" he said, smiling. "But down here one 
 isn't bound by the same conventions as at 
 home." 
 
 256 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 The girl's hand went to her throat in a pite- 
 ous gesture. 
 
 "I I don't understand. I don't want 
 to understand." 
 
 "There's got to be a certain broad-minded- 
 ness in these matters," he blundered on, with 
 what seemed to her outraged senses an abomi- 
 nable jauntiness. "But the risk was small for 
 me, and, of course, for her, anything was better 
 than the other life. At that, I don't see how 
 the truth reached you. What is it, Miss Polly?" 
 
 Rage, grief, and shame choked the girl's 
 utterance. 
 
 Without a word, she ran from the room, 
 leaving her companion a prey to troubled 
 wonder. 
 
 In the patio, she turned sharply to avoid a 
 group gathered around Galpy, who, with a 
 patch over one eye, was trying to impart some 
 news between gasps. 
 
 "Got it from the bulletin board of La Liber- 
 dad" he cried. "Killed; body gone; devil to 
 pay all over the place." 
 
 "What's that?" demanded the Unspeakable 
 Perk, running out, coatless and goggleless. 
 
 257 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "There's been another riot, and Dr. Luther 
 Pruyn is killed," explained Sherwen. 
 
 "Who says so?" 
 
 " Bulletin board La Liberdad just saw 
 it," panted Galpy. 
 
 "Nonsense! It's a bola" 
 
 "The whole city is ringing with it. They say 
 it was a plot to get him out of the way to stop 
 quarantine. The Foreign Office is buzzing with 
 inquiries, and Puerto del Norte is burning up 
 the wires." 
 
 "Puerto del Norte! How did they hear?" 
 
 "Telephone, of course. I hear Wisner is 
 coming up," said Sherwen. 
 
 "I Ve got to get a wire to the port at once," 
 cried the scientist. "At once!" 
 
 "You! What for?" 
 
 "To stop off Wisner. To tell him it is n't so." 
 
 "You're excited, my boy," said Mr. Brewster 
 kindly. "Better lie down again." 
 
 "It's true, right enough," said the English- 
 man. " Sir Willet's cochero saw the mob get him." 
 
 "When? Where?" asked Fitzhugh Carroll. 
 
 "Have n't got any details, but the Govern- 
 ment admits it." 
 
 258 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 " I don't care if the President and his whole 
 cabinet swear to it," vociferated the Unspeak- 
 able Perk. "It's a fake. How can I get Puerto 
 del Norte, Mr. Sherwen?" 
 
 "You can't get it at all for any such pur- 
 pose. How do you know it's a fake?" 
 
 "How do I know? Oh, dammit! Fm Luther 
 Pruyn!" 
 
 He snatched off his glasses and faced them. 
 
 The little group stood petrified. Mr. Brewster 
 was first to recover. 
 
 "Crazy, poor chap!" he said. "Luther 
 Pruyn was my classmate." 
 
 "That's my father, Luther L." 
 
 "Proofs," said Sherwen sharply. 
 
 "In my coat pocket. In the room. Can I 
 have your wire, Mr. Sherwen?" 
 
 "It 'scut." 
 
 "Come to the railway wire," offered Galpy. 
 "My eye! Wot a game!" 
 
 The two men ran out, the scientist leaving 
 behind coat and goggles. 
 
 "It was our little mix-up that started the 
 rumor," said Carroll thoughtfully. " Somebody 
 recognized Perk Dr. Pruyn." 
 
 259 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "When his glasses fell off," said Cluff. 
 "They're some disguise." 
 
 "He's Luther Pruyn, sure enough!" said 
 Mr. Sherwen, emerging from the room. " Here 's 
 the proof." He held out an official-looking docu- 
 ment. "An order from the Dutch Naval Office, 
 made out in his name." 
 
 "What does it say?" asked Carroll. 
 
 "I'm not much of a hand at Dutch, but it 
 seems to direct the blockading warship to re- 
 ceive Dr. Luther Pruyn and wife and convey 
 them to Curasao." 
 
 "And wife!" exclaimed Cluff loudly. He 
 whistled as a vent to his amazement. "That 
 explains all the talk about a woman a lady 
 in his quinta on the mountains?" 
 
 "Apparently," said Carroll. "May I see that 
 document, Mr. Sherwen?" 
 
 The American representative handed him the 
 paper. As he was studying it, Galpy reentered, 
 still scant of breath from excitement and haste. 
 "He's gone back to the mountains," he an- 
 nounced. "Sent word for you to get to the 
 port before dawn, if you have to walk. See 
 Mr. Wisner there. He'll arrange everything." 
 
 260 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Will Mr. Perk Dr. Pruyn be there?" 
 asked Mr. Brewster. 
 
 "He did n't say." 
 
 "But he's gone without his coat!" 
 
 "And goggles," said Cluff. 
 
 "And his pass," added Sherwen. 
 
 "Trust him to come back for them when he 
 gets ready. He's a rum josser for doing things 
 his own way. Now, about the train." And 
 Galpy outlined the plan of departure to the 
 men, who, except Carroll, had gathered about 
 him. The Southerner, unnoticed, had slipped 
 into the room where the scientist's coat lay. 
 Coming out by the lower door, he was inter- 
 cepted by Miss Polly Brewster. He interpreted 
 the misery in her face, and turned sick at heart 
 with the pain of what it told him. 
 
 "You heard? "he asked. 
 
 She nodded. "Is it true? Did you see the 
 permit yourself?" 
 
 "Yes. Here it is." 
 
 "I don't want to see it. It does n't matter," 
 she said, with utter weariness in her voice. 
 "When do we leave? I want to go home. Send 
 father to me, please, Fitz." 
 
 261 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Mr. Brewster came to her, bearing the news 
 that the sailing was set for the morrow. 
 
 "I'm glad to know that Dr. and Mrs. Pruyn 
 are provided for," she remarked, so casually 
 that the troubled father drew a breath of relief, 
 concluding that he must have misinterpreted 
 the girl's interest in the man behind the goggles. 
 
 On his way to the patio, he passed through 
 the room where the scientist had lain. He came 
 out looking perturbed. 
 
 "Has any one been in that room just now?" 
 he asked Sherwen. 
 
 "Not that I've seen." 
 
 "The coat and the other things are not 
 there." 
 
 Inquiry and search alike proved unavailing. 
 Not until an hour later did they discover that 
 Carroll had also disappeared. Sherwen found a 
 note from him on the office desk: 
 
 Please look after my luggage. Will join the 
 others at the yacht to-morrow. 
 
 P. F. F. C 
 
XII 
 
 THE WOMAN AT THE QUINTA 
 
 THANKS to his rival's map, Carroll had 
 little difficulty in finding the trail to the 
 mountain quinta. A brilliant new moon helped 
 to make easy the ascent. What course he would 
 pursue upon his arrival he had not clearly de- 
 fined to himself. That would depend largely 
 upon the attitude of the man he was seeking. 
 The flame of battle, still hot from the after- 
 noon's melee, burned high in the Southerner's 
 soul, for he was not of those whose spirit rap- 
 idly cools. Bitter resentment on behalf of Miss 
 Polly Brewster fanned that flame. On one 
 point he was determined: neither he nor the 
 so-called Perkins should leave the mountain 
 until he had had from the latter's own lips a 
 full explanation. 
 
 Coming out into the open space, he got his 
 first glimpse of the quinta. It was dark, except 
 for one low light. From the farther side there 
 came faintly to his ear a rhythmical sound, with 
 brief intervals of quiet, as if some one hard at 
 labor were stopping from time to time for 
 
 263 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 breath. At that distance, Carroll could not 
 interpret the sound, but some unidentified 
 quality of it struck chill upon his fancy. Long 
 experience in the woods had made him a good 
 trailsman. He proceeded cautiously until he 
 reached the edge of the clearing. 
 
 The sound had stopped now, but he thought 
 he could hear heavy breathing from beyond the 
 house. As he moved toward that side, a small 
 but malevolent-looking snake slithered out from 
 beneath a bush near by. Involuntarily he 
 leaped aside. As he landed, a round pebble 
 slipped under his foot. He flung up his arm. It 
 met the low branch of a tree, and saved him a 
 fall. But the thrashing of the leaves made a 
 startling noise in the moonlit stillness. The 
 snake went on about its business. 
 
 "Hola!" challenged a voice around the angle 
 of the house. 
 
 Carroll recognized the voice. He stepped out 
 of the shadows and strode across the open space. 
 At the corner of the house he met the muzzle 
 of a revolver pointing straight at the pit of his 
 stomach. Back of it were the steady and now 
 goggldess eyes of Luther Pruyn. 
 
 264 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 " I am unarmed," said Carroll. 
 
 "Ah, it's you!" said the other. He lowered 
 his weapon, carefully whirled the cylinder to 
 bring the hammer opposite an empty chamber, 
 and dropped it in his pocket. "What do you 
 want?" 
 
 "An explanation." 
 
 "Quite so," said the other coolly. "I'd for- 
 gotten that I invited you here. How long had 
 you been watching me?" 
 
 "I saw you only when you came out from 
 behind the house." 
 
 "And you wish to know about about my 
 companion in this place?" continued the other 
 in an odd tone. 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Understand that I don't admit that you 
 have the smallest right. But to clear up a situ- 
 ation which no longer exists, I 'm ready to sat- 
 isfy you. Come in. " 
 
 He held open the door of the room where the 
 lone light was burning. In the middle of the 
 floor was spread a sheet, beneath which a form 
 was outlined in grisly significance. Carroll's 
 host lifted the cover. 
 
 265 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 The woman was white-haired, frail, and 
 wrinkled. One side of her face shone in the 
 lamplight with a strange hue, like tarnished 
 silver. In her throat was a small bluish wound; 
 opposite it a gaping hole. 
 
 "Shot!" exclaimed Carroll. "Who did it?" 
 
 "Some high-minded Caracunan patriot, I 
 suppose." 
 
 "Why?" 
 
 "Well, I suspect that it was a mistake. From 
 a distance and inside a window, she might easily 
 have been taken for some one else." 
 
 Carroll's mind reverted to his companion's 
 ready revolver. 
 
 "Yourself, for instance?" he suggested. 
 
 "Why, yes." 
 
 "Who was she?" 
 
 There was left in the Southerner's manner 
 no trace of the cross-examiner. Suspicion had 
 departed from him at the first sight of that old 
 and still face, leaving only sympathy and pity. 
 
 "My patient." 
 
 "Have you been running a private hospital 
 up here?" 
 
 "Oh, no. I took her because there was no 
 266 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 other place fit for her to go to. And I had to 
 keep her presence secret, because there's a law 
 against harboring lepers here. A pretty cruel 
 brute of a law it is, too." 
 
 "Leprosy!" exclaimed Carroll, looking at 
 that strange silvery face with a shudder. "Is n't 
 it fearfully contagious?" 
 
 "Not in any ordinary sense. I was trying a 
 new serum on her, and had planned to smuggle 
 her across to Curasao, when this ended it." 
 
 "Curacao? Then that pass for yourself and 
 wife By the way, that and your coat are 
 over in the thicket, where I dropped them." 
 
 "Thank you. But it does n't say 'wife.' It 
 says simply 'a woman." 
 
 "And you were encumbering yourself with 
 an unknown leper, at a time like this, just as an 
 act of human kindness ? " There was something 
 almost reverential in Carroll's voice. 
 
 "Scientific interest, in part. Besides, she 
 was n't wholly unknown. She 's a sort of cousin 
 of Raimonda's." 
 
 Carroll's mind flew back to his fatally mis- 
 interpreted conversation with the young Cara- 
 cuiian. 
 
 267 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "What did he mean by letting me think that 
 you should n't associate with Miss Polly?" 
 
 "Oh, he had the usual erroneous dread of 
 leprosy contagion, I suppose." 
 
 "May I ask you another question, Mr. Per 
 I beg your pardon, Dr. Pruyn?" said the visitor, 
 almost timidly. 
 
 "Perkins will do." The other smiled wanly. 
 "Ask me anything you want to." 
 
 "Why did you run away that day on the 
 tram-car?" 
 
 "To avoid trouble, of course." 
 
 "You? Why, you go about searching for 
 dangerous and difficult jobs. That won't do!" 
 
 "Not at all. It's only when I can't get away 
 from them. But I could n't risk arrest then. 
 Some one would surely have recognized me as 
 Luther Pruyn. You see, I Ve been here before." 
 
 "Then I don't see why they did n't identify 
 you, anyway." 
 
 "Three years ago I was much heavier, and 
 wore a full beard. Then these glasses, besides 
 being invaluable for protection, are a pretty 
 thorough disguise." 
 
 "So they are. But the game is up now." 
 268 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Yes." The scientist drew the sheet back 
 over the dead woman. "I suppose the sharp- 
 shooters who did the job will report me safely 
 out of the way. It's only a question of when the 
 burial party will come for me." 
 
 "Then, why are we waiting?" cried Carroll. 
 
 "I couldn't leave her lying here," replied 
 the other simply. 
 
 The sound of rhythmical labor came back to 
 Carroll's memory. 
 
 "You were digging her grave?" 
 
 The other nodded. Carroll, stiffly, for his 
 knifed arm was painful, got out of his coat. 
 
 "Where's an extra spade?" he asked. 
 
 When their labor was over, and the leper 
 laid beneath the leveled soil, Carroll cut two 
 branches from a near-by tree, trimmed them, 
 bound them in the form of a cross, and fixed 
 the symbol firmly in the earth at the dead 
 woman's head. 
 
 "That was well thought of," said the scien- 
 tist. " I 'm afraid that would n't have occurred 
 to me." 
 
 "You can get word to Seiior Raimonda?" 
 asked Carroll. 
 
 269 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 His host nodded. A long silence followed. 
 Carroll broke it: 
 
 "Then there is no further secrecy about 
 this?" 
 
 "About what?" 
 
 "Her identity." He pointed to the grave. 
 
 "No; I suppose not. Why?" 
 
 " Because Miss Brewster has a right to know." 
 
 "Do you propose to tell her?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Very well," agreed the scientist, after a 
 pause for consideration. "But not until after 
 the yacht is at sea." 
 
 Carroll did not reply directly to this. 
 
 "What shall you do?" 
 
 "Get out, if I can. I'm ordered to Curasao. 
 Wisner left word for me." 
 
 "Come down the mountain with me." 
 
 "Impossible. There are matters here to be 
 attended to." 
 
 "Then when will you come down?" 
 
 "Before you sail. I must be sure that you 
 get off." 
 
 "You'll come to the yacht, then?" 
 
 "No." 
 
 270 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "I think you should. There are reasons why 
 why Miss Brews ter " 
 
 " It is n't a question that I can argue," the 
 other cut him off. "I can't do it." There was 
 so much pain in his voice that Carroll forbore 
 to press him. "But I'll ask you to take a note." 
 
 Carroll nodded, and his host, disappearing 
 within the quinta, returned almost at once with 
 an envelope on which the address was written 
 in pencil. The Southerner took it and rose from 
 the porch, where he had flung himself to rest. 
 
 "Perkins," he said, with some effort, "I've 
 thought and said some hard things about you." 
 
 "Naturally enough," murmured the other. 
 
 "Do you want me to apologize?" 
 
 The scientist stared. "Do you want me to 
 thank you for to-night's work?" he countered. 
 
 "No." 
 
 "Well" 
 
 "All right." 
 
 The two men, different in every quality ex- 
 cept that of essential manhood, smiled at each 
 other with a profound mutual understanding. 
 There was a silent handshake, and Carroll set 
 off down the mountain toward the sunrise glow. 
 
XIII 
 
 LEFT BEHIND 
 
 DAWN crested, poised, and broke in a surf 
 of splendor upon the great mountain- 
 line that overhangs Puerto del Norte. Where, 
 at the corporation dock, there had lurked the 
 shadow of a yacht, gray-black against blue- 
 black, there now swung a fairy ship of purest 
 silver, cradled upon a swaying mirror. Tiny 
 insects, touched to life by the radiance, scuttled 
 busily about her decks and swarmed out upon 
 the dock. The seagoing yacht Polly had awak- 
 ene*B early. 
 
 Down the mule path that forms the shortest 
 cut from the railway station straggled a group 
 of minute creatures. To one watching from the 
 mountain-side with powerful field-glasses 
 such as, for example, a convinced and ardent 
 hater of the Caribbean Sea, curled up with his 
 back against a cold and Voiceless rock it 
 might have appeared that the group was carry- 
 ing an unusual quantity of hand luggage. Yet 
 they were not porters; so much, even at a great 
 
 272 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 distance, their apparel proclaimed. The pirates 
 of porterdom do not get up to meet five-o'clock- 
 in-the-morning specials in Caracuna. 
 
 The little group gathered close at the pier, 
 then separated, two going aboard, and the 
 others disappearing into sundry streets and 
 reappearing presently at the water-front with 
 other figures. The human form cannot be dis- 
 tinctly seen, at a distance of three miles, to rub 
 its eyes; neither can it be heard to curse; but 
 there was that in the newer figures which sug- 
 gested a sudden and reluctant surrender of 
 sleeping privileges. Had our supposititious 
 watcher possessed an intimate and contemptu- 
 ous knowledge of Caracuna officialdom, he 
 would have surmised that lavish sums of money 
 had been employed to stir the port and customs 
 officials to such untimely activity. 
 
 But not money or any other agency is potent 
 to stir Caracunan officialdom to undue speed. 
 Hence the observer from the heights, supposing 
 that he had a personal interest in the proceed- 
 ings, might have assured himself of ample time 
 to reach the coast before the formalities could 
 be completed and the ship put forth to sea. 
 
 273 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Had he presently humped himself to his feet 
 with a sluggish effort, abandoned his field- 
 glasses in favor of a pair of large greenish-brown 
 goggles, and set out on a trail straight down the 
 mountains, staggering a bit at the start, a sec- 
 ond supposititious observer of the first sup- 
 posititious observer if such cumulative hy- 
 pothesis be permissible might have divined 
 that the first supposititious observer was the 
 Unspeakable Perk, going about other people's 
 business when he ought to have been in bed. 
 And so, not to keep any reader in unendurable 
 suspense, it was. 
 
 While the Unspeakable Perk was making his 
 way down the dim and narrow trail, another 
 equally weary figure shambled out from the 
 main road upon the flats and made for the land- 
 ing. The apparel of Mr. Preston Fairfax Fitz- 
 hugh Carroll was in a condition that he would 
 have deemed quite unfit for one of his station, 
 had he been in a frame of mind to consider such 
 matters at all. He was not. Affairs vastly more 
 weighty and human occupied his mind. What 
 he most wished was to find Miss Polly Brewster 
 and unburden himself of them. 
 
 274 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 At the entrance to the pier, he was detained 
 by the American Consul. Cluff came running 
 down the long structure in great strides. 
 
 "Moses, Carroll! I'm glad to see you! 
 Where Ve you been?" 
 
 A week earlier, the scion of all the Virginias 
 would have resented this familiarity from a pro- 
 fessional athlete. But neither Mr. Carroll's 
 mind nor his heart was a sealed inclosure. He 
 had learned much in the last few days. 
 
 "Up on the mountain," he said. "For 
 Heaven's sake, give me a drink, duff!" 
 
 The other produced a flask. 
 
 "You do look shot to pieces," he commented. 
 " Find Perk Pruyn?" 
 
 "Yes. I'll tell you later. Where's Miss 
 Brewster?" 
 
 " In her stateroom. Asleep, I guess. Said she 
 wanted rest, and nobody was to disturb her till 
 we sail." 
 
 "When do we start?" 
 
 "Eight o'clock, they say. That means ten. 
 Will Dr. Pruyn get here?" 
 
 "He is n't going with us." 
 
 "Oh, no. I forgot his Dutch permit. Well, 
 275 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 he'd better use it quick, or he'll go in a box 
 when he does go. I would n't insure his life for 
 a two-cent stamp in this country." 
 
 "You would n't if you'd seen what I saw last 
 night," said the Southerner, very low. 
 
 Wisner, the busy, efficient little consul, who 
 had been arranging with the officials for Car- 
 roll's embarkation, now returned, bringing with 
 him a viking of a man whom he introduced as 
 Dr. Stark, of the United States Public Health 
 Service. 
 
 "Either of you know anything about Dr. 
 Pruyn?" he inquired anxiously. 
 
 "He's on his way down the mountain now," 
 said Carroll. 
 
 "Good! He's ordered away, I'm glad to say. 
 Just got the message." 
 
 "Then perhaps he will go out with us," said 
 Cluif, with obvious relief. "I sure did hate to 
 think of leaving that boy here, with the game 
 laws for goggle-eyed Americans entirely sus- 
 pended." 
 
 "No. He's ordered to Curasao to stay and 
 watch. We've got to get him out to the Dutch 
 ship somehow." 
 
 276 
 
fHE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 f 
 
 "Could n't the yacht take him and transfer 
 him outside?" asked Carroll. 
 
 "Mr. Carroll," said Dr. Stark earnestly, "be- 
 fore this yacht is many minutes out from the 
 dock, you'll see a yellow flag go up from the 
 end of the corporation pier. After that, if the 
 yacht turns aside or comes back for a package 
 that some one has left, or does anything but 
 hold the straightest course on the compass for 
 the blue and open sea well, she '11 be about 
 the foolishest craft that ever ploughed salt 
 
 water." 
 
 "I suppose so," admitted Carroll. "Well, I 
 have matters to look after on board." 
 
 Into Mr. Carroll's cabin it is nobody's busi- 
 ness to follow him. A man has a right to some 
 privacy of room and of mind, and if the South- 
 erner's struggle with himself was severe, at least 
 it was of brief duration. Within half an hour, 
 he was knocking at Polly Brews ter's door. 
 
 "Please go 'way, whoever it is," answered a 
 pathetically weary voice. 
 
 "Miss Polly, it's Fitzhugh. I have a note for 
 you." 
 
 "Leave it in the saloon." 
 277 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "It's important that you see it right away." 
 
 "From whom is it?" queried the spent voice. 
 
 "From Dr. Pruyn." 
 
 "I I don't want to see it." 
 
 "You must!" insisted her suitor. 
 
 "Did he say I must?" 
 
 "No. I say you must. Forgive me. Miss 
 Polly, but I'm going to wait here till you say 
 you'll read it." 
 
 "Push it under the door," said the girl re- 
 signedly. 
 
 He obeyed. Polly took the envelope, sum- 
 moned up all her spirit, and opened it. It con- 
 tained one penciled line and the signature : 
 
 Good-bye. All my heart goes with you for- 
 ever. L. P. 
 
 Something fluttered from the envelope to her 
 feet. She stooped and picked it up. It was the 
 tiniest and most delicate of orchids, purple, 
 with a glow of gold at its heart. To her inflamed 
 pride, it seemed the final insult that he should 
 send such a message and such a reminder, with- 
 out a word of explanation or plea for pardon. 
 
 278 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Pardon she never would have granted, but at 
 least he might have had the grace of shame. 
 
 "Have you read it?" asked the patient voice 
 from without. 
 
 "Yes. There is no answer." 
 
 " Dr. Pruyn said there would n't be." 
 
 "Then why are you waiting?" 
 
 "To see you." 
 
 "Oh, Fitz, I'm too worn out, and I've a 
 splitting headache. Won't it wait?" 
 
 "No." The voice was gently inflexible. 
 
 "More messages?" 
 
 "No; something I must tell you. Will you 
 come out?" 
 
 "I suppose so." 
 
 Her tone was utterly listless and limp. Ut- 
 terly listless and limp, she looked, too, as she 
 opened the door and stood waiting. 
 
 "Miss Polly, it's about the woman at Per- 
 kins's at Dr. Pruyn's house." 
 
 Her eyes dilated with anger. 
 
 "I won't hear! How dare you come to 
 me" 
 
 "You must! Don't make it harder for me 
 than it is." 
 
 279 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 She looked up, startled, and noted the hag- 
 gard lines in his face. 
 
 "I'll hear it if you think I should, Fitz." 
 
 "She is dead." 
 
 "Dead? His his wife?" 
 
 " She was n't his wife. She was a helpless 
 leper, whom he was trying to cure with some 
 new serum. He had to do it secretly because 
 there is a law forbidding any one to harbor a 
 leper." 
 
 "Oh, Fitz!" she cried. "And she died of it?" 
 
 "No. They killed her. Last night." 
 
 "They? Who?" 
 
 "Government agents, probably. They were 
 after Pruyn." 
 
 "How horrible! And and Mrs. Pruyn. 
 Where was she?" 
 
 "There is n't any Mrs. Pruyn. There never 
 was." 
 
 "But the Dutch permit! It was for Dr. 
 Pruyn and his wife." 
 
 "Sherwen misread the form. So did I. It 
 read for Dr. Pruyn and a woman. He hoped to 
 take her to Curacao and complete his experi- 
 
 ment." 
 
 280 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "That's what he meant when he spoke of 
 being lawless, and I've been thinking the basest 
 things of him for it!" The girl, dazed by a flash 
 of complete enlightenment, caught at Carroll's 
 arm with beseeching hands. "Where is he, 
 Fitz?" 
 
 "On his way down the mountain. Perhaps 
 down here by now." 
 
 "He's coming to the ship?" she asked. 
 
 "No; he does n't expect to see you again. 
 He was coming down to make sure that we got 
 off safely." 
 
 "Fitz, dear Fitz, I must see him!" 
 
 "Miss Polly," he said miserably, "I'll do 
 anything I can." 
 
 "Oh, poor Fitz!" she cried pityingly, her 
 eyes filling with tears. " I wish for your sake it 
 was n't so. And you have been so splendid 
 about it!" 
 
 "I've tried to make amends, and play fair. 
 It has n't been easy. Shall I go back and look 
 for him? It's a small town, and I can find him." 
 
 "Yes. I'll write a note. No; I won't. Never 
 mind. I '11 manage it. Fitz, go and rest. You're 
 worn out," she said gently. 
 
 281 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 Back into her stateroom went Miss Polly. 
 From that time forth no man saw her nor 
 woman, either, except perhaps her maid, and 
 maids are dark and discreet persons on occa- 
 sion. If this particular one kept her own coun- 
 sel when she saw a trim but tremulous figure 
 drop lightly over the starboard rail of the Polly 
 far forward, pick up a small traveling-bag from 
 the pier, step behind the opportune screen of a 
 load of coffee on a flat car, and reappear to view 
 only as a momentary swish of skirt far away at 
 the shore end; if this same maid told Mr. 
 Thatcher Brewster, half an hour later, that 
 Miss Polly was asleep in her stateroom, and 
 begged that she be disturbed on no account, as 
 she was utterly worn out, who shall blame her 
 for her silence on the one occasion or her speech 
 on the other? She was but obeying, albeit with 
 tearful misgivings, duly constituted authority. 
 
 Eight o'clock struck on the bell of the little 
 Protestant mission church on the tiny plaza; 
 struck and was welcomed by the echoes, and 
 passed along to eventual silence. Within two 
 minutes after, there was a special stir and move- 
 ment on the pier, a corresponding stir and move- 
 
 282 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 ment on board the trim craft, a swishing of 
 great ropes, and a tooting of whistles. White 
 foam churned astern of her. A comic-supple- 
 ment-looking pelican on a buoy off to port 
 flapped her a fantastic farewell. The blockade- 
 defying yacht Polly was off for blue waters and 
 the freedom of the seas. 
 
 On the shore, feeling woefully helpless and 
 alone, she who had been the jewel and joy of 
 the Polly bit her lips and closed her eyes, in a 
 tremulous struggle against the dismal fear : 
 
 "Suppose he does n't love me, after all!" 
 
XIV 
 
 THE YELLOW FLAG 
 
 THE departing whistle of the yacht Polly 
 struck sharply to the heart of a desolate 
 figure seated on a bench in the blazing, dusty, 
 public square of Puerto del Norte, waiting out 
 his first day of pain. A kiskadee bird, the only 
 other creature foolish enough to risk the hot 
 bleakness of the plaza at that hour, flitted into 
 a dust-coated palm, inspected him, put a ten- 
 tative query or two, decided that he was of no 
 possible interest, and left the Unspeakable Perk 
 to his own cogitations. 
 
 So deep in wretchedness were the cogitations 
 that he did not hear the light, hesitant footstep. 
 But he felt in every vein and fiber the appealing 
 touch on his shoulder. 
 
 "Good God! What are you doing here?" he 
 cried, leaping to his feet. There was no awk- 
 wardess or shyness in his speech now; only 
 wonder-stricken joy. 
 
 "I came back to see you." 
 
 "But the yacht! Your ship!" 
 284 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "She has left." 
 
 "No! She must n't! Not without you ! You 
 can't stay here. It's too dangerous." 
 
 "I must. They think I'm aboard. I left a 
 note for papa. He won't get it until they're at 
 sea. And they can't come back for me, can 
 they?" 
 
 "No yes they must! I must see Stark 
 and Wisner at once." 
 
 "To send me away?" 
 
 "Yes." 
 
 "Without forgiving me?" 
 
 "Forgiving? There's no question of that be- 
 tween you and me." 
 
 "There is. Fitzhugh told me everything 
 all about the poor dead woman." 
 
 "Ah, he should n't have done that." 
 
 "He should!" She stamped a little willful 
 foot. "What else could he do?" 
 
 "Why, yes," he agreed thoughtfully. "I 
 suppose that's so. After all, a man can't bear 
 the names that Carroll does and go wrong 
 on the big inner things. He has met his test, 
 and stood it. For he cares very deeply for 
 
 you." 
 
 285 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 "Poor Fitz! " she sighed. 
 
 "But here we're wasting time!" he cried in a 
 panic. "Where can I leave you?" 
 
 "Do you want to leave me?" 
 
 "Want to!" he groaned. "Can't you under- 
 stand that I've got to get you to the yacht!" 
 
 "Oh, beetle man, beetle man, don't you want 
 me?" she cried dolorously. "Did n't you mean 
 your note?" 
 
 "Mean it? I meant it as I've never meant 
 anything in the world. But you what do you 
 mean? Do you mean that you'll you'll let 
 the yacht go without you and and and 
 stay here, and m-m-marry me?" 
 
 "If you should ask me," she said, half- 
 laughing, half-crying, "what else could I do? 
 I'm alone and deserted. And there's only you 
 in the world." 
 
 "Miss P-P-Polly," he began, "I I can't 
 believe" 
 
 "It's true!" she cried, and held out two 
 yearning hands to him. "And if you stammer 
 and stutter and and and act like the Un- 
 speakable Perk now, I'll I'll howl!" 
 
 If she had any such project, the chance was 
 286 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 lost on the instant of the warning, as he caught 
 her to him and held her close. 
 
 "Oh!" she cried, trying to push him away. 
 "Do you know, sir, that this is a public square ? " 
 
 "Well, I did n't choose it," he reminded her, 
 laughing in pure joy, with a boyish note new 
 to her ear. "Anyway, there are only us two 
 under the sun." And he drew her close again, 
 whispering in her ear. 
 
 "Oh oh, is that the language of medical 
 science?" she reproved. 
 
 At this point, generic curiosity overcame the 
 feathered eavesdropper in the tree above. 
 
 "Qu'est-ce qu'il dit?" "What's he say?" 
 
 The girl turned a flushed and adorable face 
 upward. 
 
 "I won't tell you. It's for me alone," she 
 declared joyously. "But you'll never stop say- 
 ing it, will you, dear?" 
 
 "Never, as long as we both shall live. And 
 that reminds me/' he said soberly. "We must 
 arrange about being married." 
 
 "Oh, that reminds you, does it?" she mocked. 
 "Just incidentally, like that." 
 
 Boom! Boom! Boom! The mission clock 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 kept patiently at it until its suggestion struck in. 
 
 "Of course!" he cried. "Mr. Lake, the mis- 
 sionary, will marry us. And we'll have Stark 
 and Wisner for witnesses. How long does it 
 take a bride to get ready? Would half an hour 
 be enough?" 
 
 "It's rather a short engagement," she re- 
 marked demurely. "But if it's all the time 
 we've got " 
 
 "It is. But, darling, we'll have to ride for it 
 afterward, and get across to the mainland. I Ve 
 no right to let you in for such a risk," he cried 
 remorsefully. 
 
 "You couldn't help yourself," she teased 
 saucily. " I ran you down like one of your own 
 beetles. Besides, what does that permit for the 
 Dutch ship say?" 
 
 "That's for myself and a woman the leper 
 woman. Not for myself and my wife." 
 
 "Well, I'm a woman, are n't I? And it does 
 n't say that the woman must rit be your wife." 
 She blushed distractingly. 
 
 "Caesar! Of course it doesn't! What luck! 
 We'll be in Curacao to-morrow. I must see 
 Wisner about getting us off. But, Polly, dearest 
 
 288 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 one, you're sure? You have n't let yourself be 
 carried away by that foolishness of mine yes- 
 terday?" 
 
 "Sure? Oh, beetle man!" She put her hands 
 on his shoulders and bent to his ear. 
 
 The sulphur-colored winged Paul Pry stuck an 
 impertinent head out from behind a palm leaf. 
 
 "Qu'est-cequ'elledit? Qu'est-ce qu'elledit?" 
 
 For the second and last time in his adult life 
 the beetle man threw a stone at a bird. 
 
 Four hours later six powerful black oars- 
 men rowed a boat containing two passengers 
 and practically no luggage out across the huge 
 lazy swells of the Caribbean toward a smudge 
 of black smoke. 
 
 "Look!" cried that one of the passengers 
 who wore huge goggles. "There goes the flag!" 
 
 A square of yellow bunting slid slowly up 
 the pierhead staff of the dock corporation, and 
 spread in the light shore breeze. 
 
 "That's the modern flaming sword," he 
 continued. "The color stirs something inside 
 me. Ugly, isn't it? " 
 
 "It is ugly," she confessed thoughtfully. 
 289 
 
THE UNSPEAKABLE PERK 
 
 :< Yet it's the flag we fight under, too, isn't 
 it? And we'd fight for it if we had to, just 
 as we fought for the other our own." 
 
 "I love your c we,'" he laughed happily. 
 
 She nestled closer to him. 
 
 "Are you still hating the Caribbean?" 
 
 "I? I'm loving it the second-best thing in 
 the world." 
 
 "But I loved it first," she reminded him jeal- 
 ously. "Dearest," she added, with one of her 
 swift swoops of thought, "what was that funny 
 title the British Secretary of Legation had?" 
 
 "What? Oh, Captain the Honorable Carey 
 Knowles?" 
 
 "Yes. Well, I shall have a much nicer, more 
 picturesque title than that when we come back 
 to Caracuna dear, dirty, dangerous, queer, 
 riotous, plague-stricken old Caracuna!" 
 
 "Then my liege ladylove intends to come 
 back?" he asked. 
 
 "Of course. Some time. And in Caracuna 
 I shall insist on being Mrs. the Unspeakable 
 Perk." 
 
 THE END 
 
Popular Copyright Novels 
 
 AT MODERATE PRICES 
 
 Ask Your Dealer for a Complete List of 
 A. L. Burt Company's Popular Copyright Fiction 
 
 Abner Daniel. By Will N. Harben. 
 
 Adventures of Gerard. By A. Conan Doyle. 
 
 Adventures of a Modest Man. By Robert W. Chambers. 
 
 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. By A. Conan Doyle. 
 
 Adventures of Jimmie Dale, The. By Frank L. Packard. 
 
 After House, The. By Mary Roberts Rinehart. 
 
 Alisa Paige. By Robert W. Chambers. 
 
 Alton of Somasco. By Harold Bindloss. 
 
 A Man's Man. By Ian Hay. 
 
 Amateur Gentleman, The. By Jeffery Farnol. 
 
 Andrew The Glad By Maria Thompson Daviess. 
 
 Ann Boyd. By Will N. Harben. 
 
 Anna the Adventuress. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 
 Another Man's Shoes. By Victor Bridges. 
 
 Ariadne of Allan Water. By Sidney McGall. 
 
 Armchair at the Inn, The. By F. Hopkinson Smith. 
 
 Around Old Chester. By Margaret Belaud. 
 
 Athalie. By Robert W. Chambers. 
 
 At the Mercy of Tiberius. By Augusta Evans Wilson. 
 
 Auction Block, The. By Rex Beach. 
 
 Aunt Jane. By Jeanette Lee. 
 
 Aunt Jane of Kentucky. By Eliza C. Hall. 
 
 Awakening of Helena Richie. By Margaret Deland. 
 
 Bambi. By Marjorie Benton Cooke. 
 
 Bandbox, The. By Louis Joseph Vance. 
 
 Barbara of the Snows. By Harry Irving Green. 
 
 Bar 20. By Clarence E. Mulford. 
 
 Bar 20 Days. By Clarence E. Mulford. 
 
 Barrier, The. By Rex Beach. 
 
 Beasts of Tarzan, The. By Edgar Rice Burroughs^ 
 
 Beechy. By Bettina Von Hutten. 
 
 Bella Donna. By Robert Hichens. 
 
 Beloved Vagabond, The. By Wm. J. Locke. 
 
 Beltane the Smith. By Jeffery Farnol. 
 
 Ben Blair. By Will Lillibridge. 
 
 Betrayal, The. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 
 Better Man, The. By Cyrus Townsend Brady. 
 
 Beulah. nil. Ed.) By Augusta J. Evans. 
 
 Beyond the Frontier. By Randall Parrish. 
 
 Black Is While. By George Barr McCutcheon. 
 
Popular Copyright Novels 
 
 AT MODERATE PRICES 
 
 Ask Your Dealer far a Complete List of 
 A. L. Burt Company's Popular Copyright Fiction 
 
 Blind Man's Eyes, The. By Wm. MacHarg & Edwin Balmer, 
 
 Bob Hampton of Placer. By Randall Parrish. 
 
 Bob, Son of Battle. By Alfred Ollivant. 
 
 Britton of the Seventh. By Cyrus Townsend Brady 
 
 Broad Highway, The. By Jeffery Farnol. 
 
 Bronze Bell, The. By Louis Joseph Vance. 
 
 Bronze Eagle, The. By Baroness Orczy. 
 
 Buck Peters, Ranchman. By Clarence E. Mulford. 
 
 Business of Life, The. By Robert W. Chambers. 
 
 By Right of Purchase. By Harold Bindloss. 
 
 Cabbages and Kings. By O. Henry. 
 
 Calling of Dan Matthews, The. By Harold Bell Wright. 
 
 Cape Cod Stories. By Joseph C. Lincoln. 
 
 Cap'n Dan's Daughter. By Joseph C. Lincoln. 
 
 Cap'n Eri. By Joseph C. Lincoln. 
 
 Cap'n Warren's Wards. By Joseph C. Lincoln. 
 
 Cardigan. By Robert W. Chambers. 
 
 Carpet From Bagdad, The. By Harold MacGrath. 
 
 Cease Firing. By Mary Johnson. 
 
 Chain of Evidence, A. By Carolyn Wells. 
 
 Chief Legatee, The. By Anna Katharine Green. 
 
 Cleek of Scotland Yard. By T. W. Hanshew. 
 
 Clipped Wings. By Rupert Hughes. 
 
 Coast of Adventure, The. By Harold Bindloss. 
 
 Colonial Free Lance, A. By Chauncey C. Hotchkiss. 
 
 Coming of Cassidy, The By Clarence E. Mulford. 
 
 Coming of the Law, The. By Chas. A. Seltzer. 
 
 Conquest of Canaan, The. By Booth Tarkington. 
 
 Conspirators, The. By Robt. W. Chambers. 
 
 Counsel for the Defense. By Leroy Scott. 
 
 Court of Inquiry, A. By Grace S. Richmond. 
 
 Crime Doctor, The. By E. W. Hornung 
 
 Crimson Gardenia, The, and Other Tales of Adventure. By 
 
 Rex Beach. 
 
 Cross Currents. By Eleanor H. Porter. 
 Cry in the Wilderness, A. By Mary E. Waller. 
 Cynthia of the Minute. By Louis Jos. Vance. 
 
 Dark Hollow, The, By Anna Katharine Green, 
 Dave's Daughter. By Patience Bevier Cole. 
 
Popular Copyright Novels 
 
 AT MODERATE PRICES 
 
 Ask Your Dealer for a Complete List ol 
 A. L. Burt Company's Popular Copyright Fiction 
 
 Day of Days, The. By Louis Joseph Vance. 
 Day of the Dog, The. By George Barr McCutcheon. 
 Depot Master, The. By Joseph C. Lincoln. 
 Desired Woman, The. By Will N. Harben. 
 Destroying Angel, The. By Louis Joseph Vance. 
 Dixie Hart. By Will N. Harben. 
 Double Traitor, The. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 Drusilla With a Million, By Elizabeth Cooper. 
 
 Eagle of the Empire, The. By Cyrus Townsend Brady. 
 
 El Dorado. By Baroness Orczy. 
 
 Elusive Isabel. By Jacques Futrelle. 
 
 Empty Pockets. By Rupert Hughes. 
 
 Enchanted Hat, The. By Harold MacGrath. 
 
 Eye of Dread, The. By Payne Erskine. 
 
 Eyes of the World, The. By Harold Bell Wright. 
 
 Felix O'Day. By F. Hopkinson Smith. 
 
 50-40 or Fight. By Emerson Hough. 
 
 Fightinig Chance, The. By Robert W. Chambers. 
 
 Financier, The. By Theodore Dreiser. 
 
 Flamsted Quarries. By Mary E. Waller. 
 
 Flying Mercury, The. By Eleanor M. Ingram. 
 
 For a Maiden Brave. By Chauncey C. Hotchkiss. 
 
 Four Million, The. By O. Henry. 
 
 Four Pool's Mystery, The. By Jean Webster. 
 
 Fruitful Vine, The. By Robert Hichens. 
 
 Get-Rich-Quick Wallingford. By George Randolph Chester. 
 
 Gilbert Neal. By Will N. Harben. 
 
 Girl From His Town, The. By Marie Van Vorst. 
 
 Girl of the Blue Ridge, A. By Payne Erskine. 
 
 Girl Who Lived in the Woods, The. By Marjorie Benton 
 
 Cook. 
 
 Girl Who Won, The. By Beth Ellis. 
 Glory of Clementina, The. By Wm. J. Locke. 
 Glory of the Conquered, The. By Susan Glaspell. 
 God f s Country and the Woman. By James Oliver Curwood. 
 God's Good Man. By Marie Corelli. 
 Going Some. By Rex Beach. 
 Gold Bag, The. By Carolyn Wells. 
 
Popular Copyright Novels 
 
 AT MODERATE PRICES 
 
 Ask Your Dealer for a Complete List of 
 A. L. Burt Company's Popular Copyright Fiction 
 
 Golden Slipper, The. By Anna Katharine Green. 
 
 Golden Web, The. By Anthony Partridge. 
 
 Gordon Craig. By Randall Parrish. 
 
 Greater Love Hath No Man. By Frank L. Packard. 
 
 Greyfriars Bobby. By Eleanor Atkinson. 
 
 Guests of Hercules, The. By C. N, & A. M. Williamson. 
 
 Halcyone. By Elinor Glyn. 
 
 Happy Island (Sequel to Uncle William). By Jeannette Lee. 
 
 Havoc. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 
 Heart of Philura, The. By Florence Kingsley. 
 
 Heart of the Desert, The. By Konore Willsie. 
 
 Heart of the Hills, The. By John Fox, Jr. 
 
 Heart of the Sunset. By Rex Beach. 
 
 Heart of Thunder Mountain, The. By Elfrid A. Bingham. 
 
 Heather-Moon, The. By C. N. and A. M. Williamson . 
 
 Her Weight in Gold. By Geo. B. McCutcheon. 
 
 Hidden Children, The. By Robert W. Chambers. 
 
 Hoosier Volunteer, The. By Kate and Virgil D. 
 
 Hopalong Cassidy. By Clarence E. Mulford. 
 
 How Leslie Loved. By Anne Warner. 
 
 Hugh Wynne, Free Quaker. By S. Weir Mitchell, M.D. 
 
 Husbands of Edith, The. By George Barr McCutcheon. 
 
 I Conquered. By Harold Titus. 
 
 Illustrious Prince, The. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 
 Idols. By William J. Locke. 
 
 Indifference of Juliet, The. By Grace S. Richmond. 
 
 Inez. (111. Ed.) By Augusta J. Evans. 
 
 Infelice. By Augusta Evans Wilson. 
 
 In Her Own Right. By John Reed Scott. 
 
 Initials Only. By Anna Katharine Green. 
 
 In Another Girl's Shoes. By Berta Ruck. 
 
 Inner Law, The. By Will N. Harben. 
 
 Innocent. By Marie Corelli. 
 
 Insidious Dr. Fu-Manchu, The. By Sax Rohmer. 
 
 In the Brooding Wild. By Ridgwell Cullum. 
 
 Intrigues, The. By Harold Bindloss. 
 
 Iron Trail, The. By Rex Beach. 
 
 Iron Woman, The. By Margaret Deland. 
 
 UhmaeL (111.) By Mrs. Southworth. 
 
Popular Copyright Novels 
 
 AT MODERATE PRICES 
 
 Ask Your Dealer for a Complete List of 
 A. L. Burt Company's Popular Copyright Fiction 
 
 Island of Regeneration, The. By Cyrus Townsend Brady. 
 Island of Surprise, The. By Cyrus Townsend Brady. 
 
 aponette. By Robert W. Chambers. 
 
 can of the Lazy A. By B. M. Bower. 
 
 eenne of the Marshes. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 
 ennie Gerhardt. By Theodore Dreiser. 
 
 oyful Heatherby. By Payne Erskine. 
 
 ude the Obscure. By Thomas Hardy. 
 
 udgment House, The. By Gilbert Parker. 
 
 Keeper of the Door, The. By Ethel M. Dell. 
 
 Keith of the Border. By Randall Parrish. 
 
 Kent Knowles: Quahaug. By Joseph C. Lincoln. 
 
 King Spruce. By Holman Day. 
 
 Kingdom of Earth, The. By Anthony Partridge. 
 
 Knave of Diamonds, The. By Ethel M. Dell. 
 
 Lady and the Pirate, The. By Emerson Hough. 
 
 Lady Merton, Colonist. By Mrs. Humphrey Ward. 
 
 Landloper, The. By Holman Day. 
 
 Land of Long Ago, The. By Eliza Calvert Hall. 
 
 Last Try, The. By John Reed Scott. 
 
 Last Shot, The. By Frederick N. Palmer. 
 
 Last Trail, The. By Zane Grey. 
 
 Laughing Cavalier, The. By Baroness Orczy. 
 
 Law Breakers, The. By Ridgwell Cullum. 
 
 Lighted Way, The. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 
 Lighting Conductor Discovers America, The. By C. N. & 
 
 A. N. Williamson. 
 Lin McLean. By Owen Wister. 
 
 Little Brown Jug at Kildare, The. By Meredith Nicholsonv 
 Lone Wolf, The. By Louis Joseph Vance. 
 Long Roll, The. By Mary Johnson. 
 Lonesome Land. By B. M. Bower. 
 Lord Loveland Discovers America. By C. N. and A. M. 
 
 Williamson. 
 
 Lost Ambassador. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 Lost Prince, The. By Frances Hodgson Burnett. 
 Lost Road, The. By Richard Harding Davis. 
 Love Under Fire. By Randall Parrish. 
 
Popular Copyright Novels 
 
 AT MODERATE PRICES 
 
 Ask Your Dealer for a Complete List of 
 A. L. Hurt Company's Popular Copyright Fiction 
 
 Macaria. (111. Ed.) By Augusta J. Evans. 
 
 Maids of Paradise, The. By Robert W. Chambers. 
 
 Maid of the Forest, The. By Randall Parrish. 
 
 Maid of the Whispering Hills, The. By Vingie E. Roe. 
 
 Making of Bobby Burnit, The. By Randolph Chester. 
 
 Making Money. By Owen Johnson. 
 
 Mam' Linda. By Will N. Harben. 
 
 Man Outside, The. By Wyndham Martyn. 
 
 Man Trail, The. By Henry Oyen. 
 
 Marriage. By H. G. Wells. 
 
 Marriage of Theodora, The. By Mollie Elliott Seawell. 
 
 Mary Moreland. By Marie Van Vorst. 
 
 Master Mummer, The. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 
 Max. By Katherine Cecil Thurston. 
 
 Maxwell Mystery, The. By Caroline Wells. 
 
 Mediator, The. By Roy Norton. 
 
 Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes. By A. Conan Doyle. 
 
 Mischief Maker, The. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 
 Miss Gibbie Gault. By Kate Langley Bosher. 
 
 Miss Philura's Wedding Gown. By Florence Morse 
 
 Molly McDonald. By Randall Parrish. 
 
 Money Master, The. By Gilbert Parker. 
 
 Money Moon. The. By Jeffery Farnol. 
 
 Motor Maid, The. By C. N and A. M. Williamson. 
 
 Moth, The. By William Dana Orcutt. 
 
 Mountain Girl, The. By Payne Erskine. 
 
 Mr. Single. By George Barr McCutcheon. 
 
 Mr. Grex of Monte Carlo. By E. Phillips Oppenh^wn. 
 
 Mr. Pratt. By Joseph C. Lincoln. 
 
 Mr. Pratt's Patients. By Joseph C. Lincoln. 
 
 Mrs. Balfame. By Gertrude Atherton. 
 
 Mrs. Red Pepper. By Grace S. Richmond. 
 
 My Demon Motor Boat. By George Fitch. 
 
 My Friend the Chauffeur. By C. N. and A. M. Williamson. 
 
 My Lady Caprice. By Jeffery Farnol. 
 
 My Lady of Doubt. By Randall Parrish. 
 
 My Lady of the North, By Randall Parrish. 
 
 My Lady of the South. By Randall Parrish. 
 
 Ne'er-Do-Well, The. By Rex Beach. 
 Net, The. By Rex Beach, 
 
Popular Copyright Novels 
 
 AT MODERATE PRICES 
 
 Ask Your Dealer for a Complete List of 
 A. L. Burt Company's Popular Copyright Fiction 
 
 New Clarion. By Will N. Harben. 
 Night Riders, The. By Ridgwell Cullum. 
 Night Watches. By W. W. Jacobs. 
 Nobody. By Louis Joseph Vance. 
 
 Once Upon a Time. By Richard Harding Davis. 
 One Braver Thing. By Richard Dehan. 
 One Way Trail, The. By Ridgwell Cullum. 
 Otherwise Phyllis. By Meredith Nicholson. 
 
 Pardners. By Rex Beach. 
 
 Parrott & Co. By Harold MacGrath. 
 
 Partners of the Tide. By Joseph C. Lincoln. 
 
 Passionate Friends, The. By H. G. Wells. 
 
 Patrol of the Sun Dance Trail, The. By Ralph Connor. 
 
 Paul Anthony, Christian. By Hiram W. Hayes. 
 
 Perch of the Devil. By Gertrude Atherton. 
 
 Peter Ruff. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 
 People's Man, A. By E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 
 Phillip Steele. By James Oliver Cur wood. 
 
 Pidgin Island. By Harold MacGrath. 
 
 Place of Honeymoon, The. By Harold MacGrath, 
 
 Plunderer, The. By Roy Norton. 
 
 Pole Baker. By Will N. Harben. 
 
 Pool of Flame, The. By Louis Joseph Vance. 
 
 Port of Adventure, The. By C. N. and A. M. Williamson. 
 
 Postmaster, The. By Joseph C. Lincoln. 
 
 Power and the Glory, The. By Grace McGowan Cooke. 
 
 Prairie Wife, The. By Arthur Stringer. 
 
 Price of Love, The. By Arnold Bennett. 
 
 Price of the Prairie, The. By Margaret Hill McCarter. 
 
 Prince of Sinners. By A. E. Phillips Oppenheim. 
 
 Princes Passes, The. By C. N. and A. M. Williamson. 
 
 Princess Virginia, The. By C. N. and A. N. Williamson. 
 
 Promise, The. By J. B. Hendryx. 
 
 Purple Parasol, The. By Geo. B. McCutcheon. 
 
 Ranch at the Wolverine, The. By B. M. Bower. 
 Ranching for Sylvia. By Harold Bindloss. 
 Real Man, The. By Francis Lynde, 
 Reason Why, The. By Elinor Glyn. 
 
Popular Copyright Novels 
 
 AT MODERATE PRICES 
 
 Ask Your Dealer for a Complete List of 
 A. L. Burt Company's Popular Copyright Fiction 
 
 Red Cross Girl, The. By Richard Harding Davis. 
 
 Red Mist, The. By Randall Parrish. 
 
 Redemption of Kenneth Gait, The. By Will N. Harben. 
 
 Red Lane, The. By Holman Day. 
 
 Red Mouse. The. By Wm. Hamilton Osborne. 
 
 Red Pepper Burns. By Grace S. Richmond. 
 
 Rejuvenation of Aunt Mary, The. By Anne Warner. 
 
 Return of Tarzan, The. By Edgar Rice Burroughs. 
 
 Riddle of Night, The. By Thomas W. Hanshew. 
 
 Rim of the Desert, The. By Ada Woodruff Anderson. 
 
 Rise of Roscoe Paine, The. By J. C. Lincoln. 
 
 Road to Providence, The. By Maria Thompson Daviess, 
 
 Robinetta. By Kate Douglas Wiggin. 
 
 Rocks of Valpre, The. By Ethel M. Dell. 
 
 Rogue by Compulsion, A. By Victor Bridges. 
 
 Rose in the Ring, The. By George Barr McCutcheon. 
 
 Rose of the World. By Agnes and Egerton Castle. 
 
 Rose of Old Harpeth, The. By Maria Thompson Daviess. 
 
 Round the Corner in Gay Street. By Grace S. Richmond. 
 
 Routledjge Rides Alone. By Will L. Comfort. 
 
 St. Elmo. (111. Ed.) By Augusta J. Evans. 
 Salamander, The. By Owen Johnson. 
 Scientific Sprague. By Francis Lynde. 
 Second Violin, The. By Grace S. Richmond. 
 Secret of the Reef, The. By Harold Bindloss. 
 Secret History. By C. N. & A. M. Williamson. 
 Self-Raised. (111.) By Mrs. Southworth. 
 Septimus. By William J. Locke. 
 Set in Silver. By C. N. and A. M. WilHamson. 
 Seven Darlings, The. By Gouverneur Morris. 
 Shea of the Irish Brigade. By Randall Parrish. 
 Shepherd of the Hills, The. By Harold Bell Wright 
 Sheriff of Dyke Hole, The. By Ridgwell Cullum. 
 Sign at Six, The. By Stewart Edw. White. 
 Silver Horde, The. By Rex Beach. 
 Simon the Jester. By William J. Locke. 
 Siren of the Snows, A. By Stanley Shaw. 
 Sir Richard Calmady. By Lucas Malet. 
 Sixty-First Second, The. By Owen Johnson. 
 Slim Princess, The. By George Ade. 
 
THE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, SANTA CRUZ 
 
 This book is due on the last DATE stamped below. 
 
 60m-6,'67(H252338)2373 
 
PS3501.D316U5 
 
 3 2106 00208 5170