ini.iijniiiiiii THERS' OOK BURRELL UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES GIFT OF CAPT. AND MRS. PAUL MCBRIDE PERIGORD UNIVEHSlTl of (JALiFUKWJ AT LOS ANGELES LIBRARY C" THE MOTHERS' BOOK SUGGESTIONS REGARD- ING THE MENTAL AND MORAL DEVELOPMENT OF CHILDREN :: :: :: :: EDITED BY CAROLINE BENEDICT ^URRELL AND INCLUDING ARTICLES BY MRS. ANNIE WINSOR ALLEN, MRS. MARGA- RET E. SANGSTER, IDA PRENTICE WHIT- COMB, MARION HARLAND, MRS. LOUISE E. HOGAN, MRS. ELLEN A. RICHARDSON. MRS. THEODORE W. BIRNEY, MRS. FRED- ERIC SCHOFF, THEODORE ROOSEVELT, EDWARD W. BOK, HAMILTON WRIGHT -■ :• MABIE,' Ry^LPH-WALDO TRINE, N^TI'IANJEL' M. DAV.'SON, aNP dr. .M^Vn^^. vV/BA?^-. - ' ! ' yy ', " '^ ', ' - */ • ; .',?•» THE UNIVERSITY SOCIETY INC. 44-60 EAST 23 hd STREET NEW YORK 13-5339 Copyright, 1909, by THE UNIVERSITY SOCIETY INC. Copyright, 1907, bv ANNIE WINSOR ALLEN /6rtof the material in the division on Child- Training in this volume is taken hy permission from that admirable book for mothers, "Home, School and Vacation," by Annie Winsor Allen, published by the Houghton Mifflin Company, Boston, Mass. From "The Mothers' Magazine" we have been given permission to reprint "Shall Your Boy Fight?" by Margaret E. Sangster, and "Breaking His Will," by Janet Curtiss. Much valuable material also has been selected by permission from the Reports ol "The National Congress of Mothers" for 1897, 1898. 1899 and 1905. Many of ths articles by Mrs. Caroline Benedict Burrell are in- cluded here by permission of the publishers of them, Messrs. Harper and Brothers, New York. • • • • • , • • < • -1 •«« «••• INTRODUCTION THIS hook is intended to help the mother to develop and train her children in the best and wisest way, from their babyhood until they reach adult years. It begins with Suggestions in Child-Training, with a Chart showing clearly how the normal child passes from one period of life to another, and suggests the helps he needs at each stage. By studying it a mother may learn to deal intelligently, rather than at haphazard, with her growing boy or girl. Expanding many of the ideas suggested in this first part, the section on Conduct and Character-Building follows, taking up in detail the various points of character to be im- pressed on a child's mind. How shall one deal with such difficulties as fighting and mischief? How are obedience and truthfulness to be inculcated ? Shall the study of nature be taken up at length, or left to the schools? All these and many other important queries are answered with help- ful thoughts for the mother. Certain stories, especially in relation to the child in the home circle, are dealt with at greater length in the section of Development and Discipline. The food, dress, room, and school of the growing boy and girl are discussed. Books and reading, religious training, punishments and rewards, and the fitting of a child for life are discussed and many practical suggestions are made. Following this comes a series of selections, given by permission, from the addresses on Children made by distinguished men and women at the Mother's Congress, with an inspiring speech of President Roosevelt's delivered at one of its sessions. In the final section delicate but vital matters pertain- ing to the instruction of youth of both sexes during the iii iv introductio:n period of adolescence are presented with wisdom and dis- crimination, based on wide inquiry and the results of prac- tical experience. To assist the mother who wishes to illustrate her teach- ings with stories, poems, and biographies, references are given to those bearing on the themes treated in this book, all of them to be readily found in the Library. Children who read these for themselves or hear them read aloud will have the impression made by the mother deepened on their grow- ing minds by the excellent selections. CONTENTS PAGE INTRODUCTION iii A CHART OF SUGGESTIONS IN CHILD-TRAIN- ING I How to Use this Chart Correctly — What May be Learned from the Chart — Help the Child to Help Himself — Behavior — Reading and Writing — Science and Art — Exercise, Games, etc. — Bed Hours, etc. SYSTEMATIC CHILD-TRAINING 12 1st year (Submission; Obedience; Self-Control) — 2d year (Imitation; Reasonableness; Self-Amuse- ment, etc.) — 3d year (Self-Direction; Courage; Kind- ness; Politeness; Gentleness) — ^4th year (Cheerful- ness; Sincerity; Unselfishness) — 5th year (Truthful- ness, etc.) — 6th year (Trustworthiness; Indepen- dence, etc.) — 7th year (Reserve About Private and Personal Matters; Sense of Responsibility, etc.) — 8th year (Respect, etc.) — 9th year (Loyalty to Persons; Ideals; Refinement) — loth year (Sense of Personal Honor ; Keeping Promises ; Precision in Execution) — nth year (Reverence ; Perseverance with Long Plans, etc.) — I2th year (Loyalty to Principle, etc.) — 13th year (Courtesy; Chivalry; Womanliness) — 14th year (Sense of Official Honor, etc.) — 15th year (Demo- cratic Spirit; About Playmates, etc.)— 1 6th year (Sense of Relative Values in Moral and Social Dis- y vi CONTENTS tinctions) — 17th year (Loyalty to Ideals; Books and Pictures; Education; Recreations) — i8th year (Sense of Responsibility toward Humanity, etc.) — 19th year (Idea of Self-Culture), CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 25 Ambition — Animal Study — Application — Appreciation of Art — Athletics and Health — Attention — Cheerful- ness — Chivalry — Civic Responsibility — Cleanliness — Contentment — Conversation — Courage — Culture — Curiosity — Duty — Emulation — Firmness — Friend- ship — Generosity — The Gentleman — Habits — Hero- ism — Home Study — Honesty — Honor — Humor — Imagination — Imitation — Industry — Investiga- tion — Kindness — Loyalty — Manliness — Manners — Memory-Training — Mischief — Music in the Home — Nature-Study — Obedience — Observation — Patience — Patriotism — Perseverance — Play — Pluck — Tenacity of Purpose — Reading — Self-Control — Self-Reliance — Society — Story-Telling — Sym- pathy — Thinking — Thoroughness — Truthfulness —Work. DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 117 The Child's Physical Start in Life— The Food of the Growing Child— The Child's Dress— The Child's Room — The Child's Play and Playmates — The Child's Home — The Child's School — The Child's Reading — Parental Discipline — Obedience in the Child — The Child's Truthfulness — Self-Control in the Child — Training in Order and Punctuality — Child and Money — Child and Handicraft — Music and Art for the Child — The Child's Sunday — Child and Nature — Train- ing the Child for Life — A Homelike Home — The Girl at Fifteen — Speaking and Its Faults — Associa- tion of Mother and Sons — Two Sorts of Impertinence CONTENTS vii — Simplifying Housework — Temper and How to Meet It — Submission — Shall the Boy Stay in School? — Shall Your Boy Fight? — Naming the Baby — May Children be Noisy? — The Use and Abuse of Holidays — Fitting a Child, or Making a Child Fit — A Children's Hour — Children and Guests — Bullying — "Breaking His will" — The Boy and His Den. WIFE AND MOTHER 223 First National Congress of Mothers — President Roosevelt's Address — Reproduction and Natural Law — Dietetics — Character-Building and Education — Sympathetic Parenthood — Training our Daughters — The Needs of Feeble-minded Children — Humane Education in Early Training — How and When Shall We Teach Speech to the Deaf? — Alcohol and the Child — The Abuse of Drugs — The Importance of Bringing Youth in Touch With Great Literature. ADOLESCENCE— WHAT SHALL BE TAUGHT... 264 What Shall be Taught, and Who Shall Teach It?— What Parents Should Teach their Children — It Is Better to be Too Early than Too Late — Is there Dan- ger in Physical Books? — The Best Book for Parents —Can the Child Understand ?— The Age to Tell the Story— The Objection to the Stork Story — The Oft- Repeated Question : "How." A CHART OF SUGGESTIONS IN CHILD-TRAINING Prepared by MRS. ANNIE WINSOR ALLEN THE following Chart is intended as a display and group- ing of the Traits desirable in a Child, the Order in which their development may be expected in the average child and the Age at which Training for each may profitably be begun. It considers the child in the four successive periods of Infancy, Early Childhood, Later Childhood and Youth, and outlines the Path along which Progress may most naturally and effec- tively be made in planting and nurturing right Ideas and good Habits. It will therefore serve as a Practical Guide — a Calendar of Youth to Parents, reminding them from year to year of the Seed-times of Forethought which shall produce Harvests of Character, How TO Use this Chart Correctly To use this Chart read it in this fashion, for example: — In its third year, along the line of general behavior, an average child may be expected to show a capacity for self-direction: help this in every way. In its tenth year, along the line of science, an average child may be expected to show a capacity for understanding simple hygiene: try to supply it. If you have a child whom you wish to develop well, look on the Chart for the year which represents the child's age at present. Read, in the way shown above, all the items suggested under 1 2 THE MOTHERS' BOOK each heading. Consider whether the child has had a chance to acquire the various traits, information, and accompHshments suggested. If not, why not? Is it carelessness or thoughtless- ness on your part, or do circumstances make it impossible? If he has had the chance has he seized it and made good use of it ? If not, why not ? Is he incapable or do his capacities he in some other direction? Finally, consider whether to do something more about it now, or wait till later. Do not put it off without good reason. Now read all the suggestions for the years preceding his present age and ask yourself the same questions; and also whether he has stopped using or enjoying some good thing which he used to have and ought still to possess. It is impossible and unwise to try to mention all the good traits a child could have, and suggest a time for beginning to encourage each. Every good trait must be encouraged all the time, especially by your own good example. What May be Learned from the Chart All that the lists of this Chart seek to do is to mention the order in which the various kinds of good traits may be expected, and the earliest time when it is fair to endeavor persistently to help a child to cultivate them in himself. Of course, what is once begun in such matters must never stop. We ask the begin- nings of self-control in a little baby, but the end of the struggle will never come. Some children will need help in this to the end of their lives. Have infinite patience, quietness, and firmness. Remember all the time that you are simply helping the child to grow right. He cannot grow fast. He cannot grow evenly. Be as patient as you would be with a plant, a rose-bush or a young fruit-tree. Be watchful, and never let him have his own way when his way is wrong; but be delighted to let him have his own way if there is no harm in it, now or to come. Be the children's companion in such pleasures as you can share — reading, games, picnics, etc. Let them talk freely to you, even if you do not feel much interested, and try to see what CHILD-TRAINING 3 it is that interests them. Get and keep their confidences as much as you can, but do not expect full confidence from every nature; some cannot give it. If they believe in your good will and affec- tion, and respect your purposes, that is enough. Watch for special talents and develop them as much as possi- ble, whether they are small, like a talent for catching two balls at once, or large, like a talent for singing. Encourage all their aspirations. Help the Child to Help Himself Encourage the children to think for themselves. Test their judgment and satisfy their curiosity as far as possible. At every age avoid corporal punishment, and as the children get older, throw them more and more on their own responsibility and judgment. Make leisure to discuss plans with them, and show them your reasons for your choice of action. But do not discuss when prompt action is necessary. Help them to gain the habit of ready obedience. Character is built from the inside. At every age watch care- fully the natural tendencies of each child and try to help each one to make the best use of his own special abilities. Remember that the home has the strongest influence; school and church can only supplement that. Your own behavior is the strongest influence your child has. The way to keep out evil is to fill the mind and the time with wholesome, interesting thought and occupations. Let your watchword be: Occupy. From birth, to about five years old, the children's natural interest in learning what is going on about them, and trying to do the same things, is enough occupation. From five years old to about eleven, they will take readily to the interests and occu- pations natural to their age, if these are offered them freely and in a spirit of good will. From eleven years old on, they will be more and more keen to choose their own occupations. Let them, merely keeping the right to forbid the objectionable ones, if there are any, and making sure that they bring their friends and pleasures home often enough for you to know about them. THE MOTHERS' BOOK Behavior In the matter of behavior you will notice that very few virtues are mentioned, and you will probably wonder why so many necessary ones are left out. But upon further consideration you will see that many terms are simply different words for the same virtue, or words for some part of a larger virtue. For instance, Gentleness, Politeness, Patience, Generosity, Sym- pathy, Helpfulness, Etiquette, Though tfulness, etc., are all words for different parts of the big virtue, Kindness. The same may be said of different aspects of Self-control, Trustworthiness, etc. Reading, Writing, Etc. Use this column as a list of suggestions. No one child will do all the things here suggested. Some children have no taste at all for reading, others have no taste for fairy tales, etc. Do not try to force their taste, but give them a chance to like all kinds of things. What they do read should be good of its kind. The various public libraries publish many lists. Encourage them to read the same good book several times. Do not let them "gobble" books. A book or two a week is plenty at any age. Good books bring the children in touch with great minds. They shape their ideals and stir their powers. Science, Etc. Use this column as a list of suggestions. No one child will do all that is here suggested, but from it you can get ideas of how to occupy them all, and what sort of interest to expect at each age. Some science every child should know. Art, Etc. Use this column as a list of suggestions. No one child will do all that is here suggested, but it will give you ideas how to CHILD-TRAINING 5 occupy them all, and what sort of skill to expect at each age. Some art every child should gain. Exercise, Games, Etc. Use this column as a list of suggestions. No one child will do all that is here suggested, but from it you can get ideas of how to occupy them all, and what sort of interest to expect at each age. Plenty of exercise and fresh air and games and duties every child must have. At the age of five, a child should begin to have daily duties about the home; and from that time until they leave home there should always be duties for each one. Bed Hour, Etc. Use this column as a list of suggestions, but keep to it pretty closely. Many children need more rest than is here indicated. A great deal of naughtiness and disobedience is caused by children being overtired. A highly strung child, at any age, needs plenty of rest and solitude. In addition to those upon the subjects starred in the Chart, essays will be found in this Mothers' Book on many other topics related to character-building, which for one or another reason are not included in the column under that head. Among them are these: Ambition, Heroism, Play, Application, Home Study, Reading, Athletics, Imagination, Religion, Attention, Manners, Self-Reliance, Conversation, Memory, Sympathy, Curiosity, Observation, Work, Etc. A CHART OF SUGGESTIONS BEHAVIOR, AND CHARACTER BUILDING AGE ♦Submission ♦Obedience ♦Self-control 1 INFANCY (From birth to about three years old) READING AND WRITING, ETC. SCIENCE, ETC. Qualities of matter Idea of direction Idea of distance .1 Idea of quantity Idea of causes Idea of number Perception of rhythm ♦Imitation ♦ Reasonableness ♦ Self-amusement Talking ♦Self-direction ♦Courage ♦Generosity ♦Gentleness "Mother Goose," etc. Picture books Idea of reasons Idea of relation Distinction between past, present, & future EARLY CHILDHOOD (From about three to about six years old) ...3 3.. ♦Cheerfulness ♦Kindness ♦Politeness ♦Patience Listening to verses and very short stories Losing alphabet blocks Reciting verses Knowing the days of the week Distinction between fact and fancy Counting ten Distinction between right and left Idea of growth ♦Truthfulness ♦Unselfishness ♦Tidiness ♦Trustworthiness ♦Independence Listening to myths, fairy tales, etc., read aloud Reading Acting "Mother Goose," etc. Knowing names of the months Printing with pencil .5 Counting things Names of common birds and flowers Adding and subtracting orally ^Making the Arabic nu- merals Idea of death .5 Idea of birth Memori2ing Understanding simple maps and plans Combining numbers up to 10 Learning names ofcom- Writing mon trees and in- sects, sea-things, etc. Sense of proportion ♦Articles on these subjects will be found in The Mothers' Book. 6 IN CHILD-TRAINING INFANCY (From birth to about three years old) ART, ETC. EXERCISE, GAMES, ETC. BED HOUR, ETC. AGE Perception of light Using the muscles Distinction between Establishing hygienic habits sounds Creeping Using gentle voice Throwing ball 1 1 From 22 hours to 16 hours of sleep a day Lullabys Walking Using blocks, rings, toys with wheels, etc, Using spoon and mug Imitative movements .2 "Finger plays" "Mother plays" Animal toys Sleep from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. Rest from four to two hours .2 Sleep from 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. Rest from four to two hours Using pencil Stringing beads without plan Distinguishing tastes and colors Sewing cards Undressing EARLY CHILDHOOD (From about three to about six years old) .3 3.... Reproducing singing tones Partly dressing Cutting Picking up toys Looking at good pic- tures Distinguish'g smells 4 Singing scale Coloring pictures Sewing cloth and buttons More difficult kinder- garten work Singing songs Use of simple tools 5 Dressing entirely Clay work Weaving Pasting Listening to good music "Button, button," "Barberry- Sleep from bush," etc. 6 p.m. to 7 a.m. Sandpile play Helping older people Running; ball play Rest from Taking walks three to one hours Hobby horse Alphabet blocks .4 4 Helping with dishes "London Bridge," etc. Mud pies Swinging Tricycle Making presents for friends. .5 Sleep from 6 p.m. to 7 a.m. Rest from three to one hours Dusting, brushing up "Going to Jerusalem," etc. Sleep from 6 p.m. to 7 a.m. Driving hoop, climbing trees, ladders, etc. Rest as needed Marching Family singing A CHART OF SUGGESTIONS LATER CHILDHOOD {From about six to about twelve years old) BEHAVIOR, AND CHARACTER BUILDINO AGE 6 READING AND WRITING, ETC. SCIENCE, ETC, 6. Reserve about private and personal matters ♦Sense of responsi- bility ♦Punctuality Silent reading of poetry, good stories, science-readers, etc. Writing letters Spelling Typewriting Combining numbers to 100 Understanding world- maps and the globe Telling time Simple botany t" Respect French language Reading, both silent and loud, and listening to reading of any suitable books, espe- cially books bearing upon school studies .8 Outline maps Leaf collecting Formal arithmetic Simple hygiene ' Understanding birth .8 ♦Loyalty to persons ♦Refinement Making raised maps Flower collecting Simple physiology ♦Sense of personal honor ♦Precision in execution 10. ♦Reverence ♦Perseverance long plans with ♦Respect for Law ♦Patriotism 11. ♦Loyalty to principle, i.e., moral ideals American history .10 Helping with a home-written magazine Ancient history Consultation of books of reference .11 Keeping a journal Reading historical romances, etc. Greek history Simple zoology Cabinet of local natural history .10 Butterfly collecting Stamp collecting Inventional geometry Reading of stories of the wonders of sci- ence and invention .11 Simple facts of physics and chemistry 8 IN CHILD-TRAINING LATER CHILDHOOD (From about six to about twelve years old) ART, ETC. EXERCISE, GAMES, ETC. BED HOUR, ETC. AGB .6. Singing by note orally Playing piano Using hammer, nails Knitting Tracing, etc. Some constructive work every day Doing some " chore " regularly Dancing, "French Tag," "Hunt the slipper," etc. Roller skating, Jumping rope Swimming Rowing Sleep from 6.30 p.m. to 7 a.m. Sight singing Hemming Crocheting Modeling 8 Lessons on a special instrument Simple cooking ♦Drawing Whittling 9 Calisthenics, " Blind man's Buff," etc. Battledore, Tops Bicycling, Ice skating Digging Picking berries .8 Sleep from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. .8. Sweeping Card games, " Dumb Crambo," etc. Marbles Sleep from Driving 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. Weeding Harnessing Afternoon concerts Darning Care of doll's clothes Color work Carpentry 10 Basketry Printing press Cane seating Washing dishes Ironing Sleep from Animal game, "Coddam," etc. 7.30 p.m. to 7 a.m. Sailing, Fishing "Scrub," etc. Care of small animals ,10. .10 Housework "Authors," "Stage Coach," etc. Sleep from Riding, Archery 7.30 p.m. to 7 a.m. Milking, Currying, etc. Kicking football 11 Part singing Turning lathe Embroidery .11 11 Washing clothes "Logomachi," " Spellington" Sleep from Hockey, Baseball 8 p.m. to 7 a.m. Cutting grass, Pruning Purposeful outings, A CHART OF SUGGESTIONS EARLY YOUTH (From about twelve to about eighteen years old) BEHAVIOR, AND CHARACTER BUILDING AGE 12.. *Chivalry ♦Womanliness ♦Manliness 13. 14. ♦Democratic spirit 15. ♦Sense of relative values in moral and social distinc- tions 16. ♦Loyalty to ideals If. ♦Sense of responsi- bility toward humanity Planning life work READING AND WRITING, ETC. SCIENCE, ETC. ,12. .12. Acting small plays at home Keeping accounts Reading foreign language alone Understanding sex Writing whatever original composition is natural Grammar Simple algebra ♦Sense of official honor ♦Social awakening .13 Novels of the simpler realistic sort Simpler poets Latin Roman history Biography (selected) .14 .13 Keeping records of weather, etc. Simple physical geography Simpler great masterpieces Famous passages in English and in foreign languages General history (All reading should be selected from lists of the best books) .15 German language Simple essayists Afternoon theater — comedies and romantic plays .14 Serious hygiene and physiology Ideas of various and sequent causes for one result, and vice versa Geometry .15 Names and natures of chief stars and constellations Simple geology .16 Biographies Lectures Evening theater Rhetoric (All]books to be from a list approved by eminent authorities) 16 Solid geometry .17 Serious English novels of the first three-quarters of the 19th century Serious poets and essayists Civil government .17 Following special or general scientific interests Trigonometry 18. ♦Idea of self-culture .18 Tragedies Problem novels of real moral and literary worth English literature 10 .18 Biology Domestic science IN CHILD- TRAINING EARLY YOUTH {From about twelve to about eighteen years old) ART, ETC. AGE 12 Sketching Scroll sawing EXERCISE, GAMES, ETC. BED HOUR, ETC. 13 Carving wood 14 Following some special talent 15. Design .12 12 , Sewing on machine Cooking meals "Geography game," "Andros- Sleep from coggin," etc. 8 p.m. to 7 a.m. Tennis Hoeing Care of large animals .13 13 General care of house Fancy dancing "History game," etc. Golf Good walks and plenty of exer- cise Sleep from 8.30 p.m. to 7 a.m. .14 14 Evening game parties "Crambo," "Capping Sleep from verses," etc. 9 p.m. to 7 a.m. Competitive running, jumping, mowing, etc. Special excursions for the study of nature .15 15 Basketball Sleep from Football 9 p.m. to 7 a.m. Plowing Continue studious walks 16 16 Evening concerts Ordering meals Culture of singing Evening dancing parties voice Long tramps 17 17 Private theatricals, concerts, etc. Lunch parties Camping out alone .16 Sleep from 9.30 p.m. to 7 a.m. Semi-occasional late hovu^ .17 Sleep from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. Occasional late hours 18. Philanthropic interests .18 Housekeeping Dinner parties House parties 11 .18 Sleep from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m. More frequent late hours CHILD-TRAINING EXPLANATORY NOTES BY MRS. ALLEN UPON SUBJECTS IN FIRST COLUMN OF CHART First Year SUBMISSION. — The natural impulse of every creature is to do whatever comes into his head, that is — to do as he likes. The first lesson in behavior that a human creature has to learn is that he must always do, not jusl ivhat he likes, but what is best for him. Sometimes this is also what he likes. When it is not, he must learn to submit. So, the first thing that a baby must learn, by experience, is that he must lie in his bed almost all the time no matter how much he likes to be taken up; etc. Obedience. — Next he must learn that passive submission when he cannot help himself is not enough. He must do of his own will, many things which he does not just like to do. So, the next thing which he must learn is to stop when his mother says "No! No!" Self-control. — Afterwards he must learn not to do what his mother would say "No! No!" to, if she were present. That is, he must learn self-control. He must not take the sugar even if Mother is not looking. Second Year Imitation. — We are commonly told that all which a child learns, he learns by imitation of his elders. But this is not so. A child does not begin to imitate any one, until he has learned to use all his muscles and senses and has found out how to do many simple things with them. Then he begins to look around for more things to do. It is then that the idea of imitating dawns upon him. Then he begins to learn to talk, not merely to make noises. Then, and not till then, you can begin to teach him by showing how you and other people do things. 12 CHILD-TRAINING 13 Reasonableness. — As soon as a child begins to understand a few little words, and long before he can express himself in sentences, you can begin to explain the reasons for your com- mands. "Baby, no, no touch stove! Bumy, burny!" This is the way to draw out his reasonableness. Self-amusement. — Every one ought to be full of resources, able to amuse himself when there is no one else to be had. So a little child should be left to itself a great deal, to invent its own amusements. Of course it should be given some simple things to play with, but a grown person or an older child should not spend precious time "amusing the baby!" The baby should amuse itself. Besides, an older person, child or adult, always plays with more ideas than the child himself would naturally have. It is impossible for any one older to be as simple as a child really is. So the society of older playmates is a very exciting thing to a child, and he should have but very litde of it. This applies to story-telling as well as to games. Many con- scientious mothers over-excite their children by being over- devoted to them. Third Year Self-direction. — In all his own small affairs, where he cannot do himself any harm, a child should have perfect freedom of choice. He should choose for himself which path he will take, which hand he will put first into his coat, what toy he will take to bed, etc. And even when you are quite sure that he will not like it when he gets it, let him have it and find out for him- self — unless some real harm will come. If he wants salt in his milk, let him put some into part of his milk and he will learn for himself very quickly how disagreeable it is. Your statement against it would not teach him or even convince him. Courage. — A child should begin early to try to conquer his natural fears, whatever they may be. These are different in different children. Some are afraid of strange people, others of strange places. Some shrink from any new experience. Others are afraid of animals. Some are terrified by swift motion or loud noise or by the very idea of pain. Each fear springs from some inner condition of the child, from sensitive brain- 14 THE MOTHERS' BOOK centers, or delicate nerves in one organ or another. These fears must be overcome by self-control. But a child who is possessed of fears cannot be cured all at once by forcing him into violent contact with the thing he hates. He must be helped by explanations, by encouragement, by being shielded as far as possible from the extreme forms of his "bugbears," and by feeling the sympathy and moral support of his mother while he is trying to face the milder forms. But courage he must learn, for fear is the most weakening of all emotions, and he who has not courage cannot get through this difficult and dangerous world at all. Kindness. — Until a child is nearly three years he seldom has imagination enough to begin to be really kind. You may teach him not to pull the cat's tail. But that will be because he is obedient, or else because he is afraid of being scratched. When he is nearly three, he can begin to imagine how it would feel to be pussy and have his tail pulled. This is the beginning of kindness. And kindness is the basis of all the social virtues — politeness, gentleness, etc., and also of cheerfulness, unselfish- ness, trustworthiness, sense of responsibility, honor, chivalry, democracy, and self-sacrifice. If the imagination is not early used in guessing how other people feel and in trying to make them feel happy, it will prove dull indeed in later life, when the tasks of kindness are so much more puzzling. Fourth Year Cheerfulness. — As before said, cheerfulness is a duty to one's neighbor. Incidentally it is also essential to the best condition of one's own health, happiness, and usefulness. A child should be helped and urged and joked into cheerfulness. Children incline to make much of small woes, because they have no sense of proportion. But they can learn that sense faster if they are helped cheerfully. Sincerity. — This is the beginning of truthfulness. Treat a child always with sincerity and seriously, as he treats himself. Then he will not learn to pretend with you, in order to please you or to avoid being laughed at. A little child is naturally entirely CHILD-TRAINING 15 sincere. But, like all helpless creatures, it quickly learns deceit and affectation, if it is not treated with fairness and kindness. Unselfishness. — This is singularly easy for some natures and difficult for others. In the first place some natures have much more imagination than others: they are more able to see what others probably want. Some again have much more natural de- sire to please than others : such children will be unselfish merely for the pleasure of pleasing. Again, some have much keener and more concentrated desires and affections than others: such children find yielding much more difficult. What appears to be selfishness is therefore oftenest a mere lack of the necessary knowledge and interest. It is a negative state. Selfishness is not positive, until it includes an active wish to deprive one's neighbor of an obvious good. Wherefore, do not call a child selfish. Simply teach him how^ to be unselfish. Never mind about giving it a name. Fifth Year Truthfulness. — Telling the truth is very difficult. It seems easy when you happen to know the truth clearly yourself, and you have no reason for wishing it was not so. When you see your little girl slap her playmate and call names, you are horrified if she tells you she "didn't slap and it was the other little girl who called names." But, as a matter of fact, she may really have been so excited that she did not know exactly what she did do, and so ashamed of her excitement that she hateS to try to remember. It is absolutely important that she should learn to notice what she is about and to remember clearly what happens, and to tell accurately what she remembers. But the way to help her learn this very difficult skill is, not to frighten her by blame and scoldings, but to help her to remember quietly and to have the courage to face the truth even when it disgraces herself. Also show her on every possible occasion what harm of many sorts comes about, when other people fail to tell the truth whether they mean to or not. The more imaginative and the more sensitive a child is, the more difficult truth-telling is. So it is not a virtue to be inculcated by blows and alarms, but by explanations and assistance. 16 THE MOTHERS' BOOK Sixth Year Trustworthiness. — This virtue, like all others, comes very slowly, and it comes more slowly to lively natures than to quiet ones. You must begin early by putting small trusts in propor- tion to the capacity of each child. Be very careful to give those who find it difficult a chance to learn. In many families the quiet steady ones get all the chances to be trusted, and the careless ones are never given trusts to practise on. Let every child have some bundle to carry when you travel, but do not give the lunch or the purse to the heedless one. Send forgetful children on easy errands, etc. Independence. — All that was said above about self-direction is equally true of independence. A child must be independent, that is, dependent upon himself in all the things which he is capable of managing and understanding. But he must be obedient and submissive in the things which transcend his skill or comprehension. The more independence you accustom him to practise in his own sphere, the more willing he will be to accept your authority in the things which you obviously understand better. Seventh Year Reserve about Private and Personal Matters. — ^^One has to begin even younger than this, to try to make a child practise delicacy in mentioning his physical needs and ailments. But most children are six years old before you can give them ihe feeling of delicacy, and make them understand that it is not nice to talk to outsiders about any affairs which are purely private in their interest. Some things arc only suitable for the doctor and Mother. Other things are just for the family, etc. This helps, also, to prepare for a sense of official honor. Sense of Responsibility. — This is the more advanced form of trustworthiness and independence. It comes with the in- creased sense of inner life. CHILD-TRAINING 17 Eighth Year Respect. — You may secure behavior in a child of three, which expresses respect, but the real feeling of respect cannot come until the child's imagination is active enough to sense the wide difference between his own incapacities and the powers of his elders. So one must not wonder at the curious impudence of small children. It must be checked, but real respect cannot come till later. Respect is a consequence of appreciation. One cannot ask for it at all, unless one has done something to deserve it. Ninth Year Loyalty to Persons. — Loyalty is one of the indispensable virtues. The power and will to stick to what we admire and believe in, no matter how hard that may make our life — this is the central essential of a useful, noble life, and it lies at the core of happiness, too. The first loyalty possible is loyalty to persons whom we love. Later we demand that they be also persons whom we can admire, for we weary of following what we cannot be proud of. Later still, we learn that even the finest person is sometimes a disappointing guide, and so we learn to try to be loyal to principle, even if it separates us from our friends. Latest of all we come to our ideals, upon which and for which principles are built. To those we can give passionate unending devotion, for they have no variableness. Refinement. — Children who are brought up with gentleness and consideration are almost inevitably refined and nice in their feelings and talk. They do not need to have their attention called to the beauty of refinement, until they come in contact with children who are coarse and vulgar. Then it becomes necessary to show them how unlovely and unworthy suoh talk and feelings are. Tenth Year Sense of Personal Honor. — The feeling of honor is so large and abstract that it is scarcely fair to talk about it to a young 18 THE MOTHERS' BOOK child. But by the time a child is nine years old, his ideas should be large enough to see the meaning of guarding his own honor, so that no one need ever fear that act of his has wronged a living soul. "Honor," said an old poet, "is the finest sense of justice that the human mind can frame. It guards the way of life from all offence, suffered or done." Help him to be scrupulous in the keeping of promises — in standing by agreements, appointments, and engagements of all sorts. "A promise must not be broken; it must not even be altered or withdrawn, without the knowledge and willing con- sent of the other party. If you say you will be there, be there. If you agree to do certain work for a certain pay, do it all (and a little more besides if you can). If you engage to run a race, do not give up because you think the other fellow will beat. Do not be a "quitter"! Teach him this by your own practice, and by what you expect of him. Precision in Execution. — Of course, we try to have the children do right whatever they do, even when they are very little. But real precision is not possible until they have full control of all their small muscles and of all their own intentions. So we have to wait until they are about nine years old, before we can set them a standard of real perfection in the tasks they have to do. They should have tasks within their power and do them really well. The thing most needed in business and all practical life is people who will do a thing right the first time — so that it will not have to be done over again. Eleventh Year Reverence. — This is the more spiritual form of respect. We respect the things which we have seen. We reverence the things which we have not seen — the invisible beauties of character that make men noble, the things of the spirit, the things that are sacred. Perseverance with Long Plans. — Little children have not ex- perience or imagination enough to think far ahead. But no one can live wisely and well in a civilized state without the habit of making long plans sensibly. Ten years old is none too early CHILD-TRAINING 19 to begin trying to make sensible plans and sticking to them. Encourage children in their pet schemes, and help them to plan successfully. Twelfth Year Loyalty to Principle. — ^This is the wider stage of loyalty. No longer urge a child to do right because it will please you or be like some one else. Show him the principle and make him proud to be loyal to that. Thirteenth Year Chivalry, — By the time a boy is twelve years old, he should have known for several years that we are all born of woman. And he should now learn, if he has not learned before, that men have that life-giving power which makes it possible for women to bear children. And he should feel clearly that the posses- sion of children, which is the greatest blessing that a man and woman can gain, is possible only through great self-devotion in the mother. Also he should very soon understand the terrible unavoidable tragedy of life for a woman who has a child and is without the protection of the child's father. This knowledge will of itself breed the feeling of chivalry in almost any boy. But almost any boy needs to be shown how he can express this feeling in little every-day ways. He can raise his hat to every woman, in silent expression of the tenderness he feels toward her womanhood. He can offer her a chair, or a seat in public places, recognizing that she may need it much more than he does. In various other ways, he can begin to take the attitude of protection and physical responsibility toward girls and women, which will lead him later to guard them zealously and scrupulous- ly from all masculine offence, in others or himself. Womafiliness. — A girl of twelve, on the other hand, should recognize her own woman-function quite as clearly but in a different light. She should feel that this power of bringing life into the world is a wonderful privilege, worth all that it can cost a woman, and that the sacrifice and suffering bring a high glad- 20 THE MOTHERS' BOOK ness which only a woman can understand. She should think of herself as having a high calling, for which she must keep her- self pure and strong, unspotted and without weakness. The physical trials she need not think about. In the end they will seem to her only incidental. The beauty and singularity of her privilege should make her humbly in love with womanliness. Fourteenth Year Sense of Official Honor. — One of the commonest failings of •well-meaning people is a failure to understand the special extra reserves and silences which special circumstances demand of them. A youth must begin early to learn that each special position has its own proper code of honor. Special knowledge demands special reticence. For instance, a boy may speak freely to his playmate about the obvious faults of "old Smith'* who lives around the corner. But he must not discuss his own father's faults with any one. In his official capacity as son, he owes a loyal reticence. A boy who begins by being careful in these ways will scarcely grow up to babble the secrets of his employer, or be dishonorable in public office. Fifteenth Year Democratic Spirit. — From their earliest years children, of course, should hear their elders talk in a democratic spirit. When the father and mother talk about the character of an ac- quaintance or of a stranger, they should always pass judgment on sohd grounds. Honorable dealing and fidelity should rank highest. Kindness, generosity, and unselfishness, come next. Cleverness and talent of all sorts count for something; but good looks, clothes, houses, horses, motor cars, elegant entertaining and all such matters, are merely amusing additions to the person him- self, and no child should ever get the impression that his parents think them of importance. But young children should not be taught to be tolerant of other children who have low standards of behavior. They should condemn wrong in others just as heartily as you want them to condemn it in themselves. Toler- ance, the excusing of people's faults on the ground that they CHILD-TRAINING 21 know no better, is not properly understood by children. It is most apt to make them little snobs, condescending to those who have not had their own advantages. Or it makes them think that after all these things cannot be so very wrong, if Mother says other children must not be blamed for them. To teach tolerance, we must wait until the child has enough imagination to see the difference in different people's surroundings, and to understand how complicated is the problem of living aright. After they are fifteen, they can begin to understand that people must be blamed and praised, not merely according to what they are, but according to what they might have been. They must begin to appreciate the responsibility which their own excel- lent opportunity puts upon them of being worthy. The demo- cratic spirit gives every one a chance and then expects him to use it well. Sixteenth Year Sense of Relative Values in Moral and Social Distinctions. — This virtue has no short name, but it is very important. We need to grow up with a habit of easily distinguishing between the value of clean speech and the value of a ready compliment. Decency has amoral value; "blarney" has only a social value. Telling the truth is a moral necessity; wearing fashionable clothes has merely a social advantage, it is never a duty. Girls especially are apt to get an exaggerated idea of the relative importance of the social "virtues.' ' Both girls and boys should know by practical instinct, bred by the family habits, that wherever a moral consideration clashes with a social demand, the social demand must always give way as a matter of course. It is very nice to entertain your friends, but it is very wrong to run into debt in order to please them. Seventeenth Year Loyalty to Ideals. — This is the highest, truest, most enduring kind of loyalty. An ideal is a picture in one's mind of what is best to be and do and have. You admire Mrs. A. because she is so faithful and hard- 22 THE MOTHERS' BOOK working, but you are disappointed to find that she is cross to her children. Mrs. B. is loving and gentle but she lets her house- keeping go at loose ends. Mrs. C. is brave and cheerful but she neglects both her house and her children. So you conclude that it is best to be faithful and loving and brave — all three. You make a i!)icture to yourself of what such a woman would be like. That is your ideal. You cannot find a real woman so perfect, but you would like to see one and you would like to be one. If you are loyal to your ideal, you try to be, each day, as like your ideal as you can. And presently, after ten years perhaps, people begin to wonder what makes you so much more faithful and loving and brave than most women are. It is because you are being loyal to your ideals. So, likewise, with what is best to do. You know that it is best to do your plain duty first and quickly; and to leave as much time as may be to enjoy wholesome pleasure with your chil- dren, and with your husband if he is so fortunate as to think so too. A part of the leisure time, too, should go to helping on good things outside home. You know of no one who does the very best that you can imagine in these ways. You make an ideal life in your imagination. This becomes a very beautiful and a very dear guide to you. Then, if you are loyal to this ideal of what to do, you try steadily to live up to it. By and by, your life comes to resemble your ideal. Concerning what is best to have, an ideal is harder to attain. To be loyal to that ideal is even harder still. So many things seem best! Cleanliness and tidiness, space enough in the house and out of doors, books and pictures, education, hired household help, horses and automobiles, nice clothes — all these things are good to have and the best of each seems the best to have! I do not mention money, because money is not good to have; it is merely good to help us have the things we want. But the more money we have to get the things with, the harder it is to decide what is really the best to get. If you have a clear ideal, however, the choice becomes easier, though it is never simple. First, of course, good friends and good food; then next, cleanli- ness and tidinoss. This is the best thing to have — the most CHILD-TRAINING 23 absolutely necessary to comfort and health, not too much, but just enough cleanliness to be sanitary and just enough tidiness to be comfortable and convenient! Second, space enough in the house and out of doors. Al- ways have as much space as you can afford, so that the family need not run against each other too closely and constantly. Third, books and pictures. With a few good books and a few good pictures, if he takes an interest in them, one can get along very well without an "education." Fourth, education. An education as elaborate as one has the ability to use well, is an excellent help to usefulness and development. But it is not nearly so important as the first three good things. Fifth, hired household help. Many a woman longs for this, when she has not the four better things for herself and her children. The only good of hiring help is in order to do some other very useful things which one can do better or at least as well. Sixth, horses and automobiles. I put these before nice clothes, be- cause with them one can do so many pleasant things, and see so many things and people v/orth seeing. Seventh, and far in the rear, nice clothes. Of course one must have clothes of some sort, and they must be clean and tidy and not very queer. It is good to have them pretty, too, if that does not take too much time. But money put upon clothes ends in the clothes. Put on any of the other six things, it brings a long train of other valuable things behind. Such practical things as these do not seem the stuff from which to make an ideal. Yet to live loyally according to this grading of values takes courage and foresight and devotion. It takes all that one can gather of faithfuhiess, love, and bravery. It takes, too, all the wisdom that one can acquire. Such are the ideals of what is best to be and to do and to have. Happy the woman who learns to make such pictures and live in their presence. Happier she who has, to guide and aid her in such a life, the light and strength of true religious faith. Eighteenth Year Sense of Responsibility toward Humanity. — Much is said nowadays about social service, love of humanity, universal 24 THE MOTHERS' BOOK brotherhood; but this aspect of things should not be thrust upon children. Until they have learned to be loving and tolerant toward their brothers in the flesh whom they see every day, they are in no position to understand or practise tolerance and love toward their human brothers whom they have not seen. When, however, they are close upon maturity, it is time they began to understand this larger appeal. Nineteenth Year Idea of Self -culture. — Last of all should they take up the idea of self-culture. One's duty toward oneself must ever be merely the second consideration. So a concern about self-development should come, consciously, only after all other duties have been definitely accepted. Yet this, too, is a duty; and when the time comes that the mother and father can no longer direct the child's occupations so as to give it the best personal development, then the child, now almost grown up, must take up the task, and learn the duty of giving self the best wholesome pleasures and enlarging opportunities, compatible with duty to others. The fullest usefulness cannot be given without the fullest devel- opment. CONDUCT AND CHARACTER- BUILDING AMBITION TO the small boy it is as simple to be ambitious for his future as it is to breathe. Of course he will grow up to be President; why not? Or if not President, at least he will be rich or famous in some way. It all looks so easy! But as he grows older things seem altogether different. He finds it means continuous hard work even to hold his own in school or on the playground, and it is far easier to let some one pass him than to keep in the front rank. He grows, slowly but surely, to understand that it is going to be exactly so in the long race of life; hard work all the way to rise to the higher levels; and too often he accepts the second best as his lot, and thinks it not worth while to struggle toward the first. Perhaps he ceases to try at all, as he finds out that even second best things are difficult to attain, and sinks down to the utterly commonplace. A boy who has no ideals of manhood and no ambitions will assuredly be a failure at any calling. Early in his life, before he begins to realize that the upper levels are hard to reach, he must be taught that work, hard and incessant work, is essential to any progress, and that he must accept this as a matter of course. When this is done, this one fact thoroughly instilled, everything looks possible to him. Lessons are hard, of course; but they are meant to be hard! It is almost impossible to win a first place in athletics, but at least one can try for it; the prize in anythmg means a struggle, and if there were none there would be no value to the prize. It is by dint of repeating 25 26 THE MOTHERS' BOOK such things to a child that ambition is awakened and achieve- ment made to seem possible. When the two parts of the whole are put together by the parent, ambition and effort, and both are constantly stimulated, children grow naturally to look on the best things as within their reach. Ignoble ambitions, of course, may be appealed to, carelessly or with intention, and a prize may be made to seem valuable for itself alone, or money-making or mere worldly success attractive; but a conscientious parent will carefully avoid these dangers. Boys especially are too apt to think of getting rich as the end and aim of life. The ambitions must constantly be turned toward the higher planes, and philanthropy made to be the end of wealth, not money itself; and position must be desired because thereby one can do so much for others, not because it will be delightful to be more conspicuous than ^other people. Biography is one of the great .stimulants to ambition of the right sort. No one can constantly read of such men as Lincoln, or the late Governor Johnson of ]Minnesota, or of such women as Florence Nightingale or Louisa May Alcott, without desiring to be like them. Such ambitions should be cultivated assidu- ously in the home and school, and intellectual and moral laziness despised. To be somebody, to do something in the world, should be held up as the thing worth striving for. Boys and girls will not fail to respond to wise training that urges them toward the highest things. Foolish ambitions are delightfully dealt with in ''The Rats and Their Son-in-law" and "The Story of the Man Who Did Not Wish to Die," in Volume I, but a worthy aim will be recognized in "The Juvenile Orator" in the same book. "Mi- das, " in Volume II, shows the evil of a selfish ambition, while " Dick Whittington" in that volume teaches how a poor, humble boy may rise. The accounts of the travelers Baker and Burton, in Volume VI, are stimulating. Comj:)arc the biographies of Ham- ilton and Bismarck in Volume IX; also read the article "The Start and the Goal. " "Girls and Their Mothers," in Volume X, is recommended to the students of that essay. All may read with profit "Address to the Indolent," a poem in Volume XL CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 27 ANIMAL STUDY THE study of animals should be promoted, not only as a part of general knowledge of the world about us (which has been made of value to man mainly through their agency), but because it is necessary to our proper treatment of them and also to our understanding fully our own place in nature. Hence the attention of children ought to be directed to it, and fortunately there is no subject in which they are more likely to be interested when properly guided. Let them begin right at home with the domestic animals of the farm, or the pets and familiar visitors to the garden. There need be nothing formal about it; but only a calling of their attention to certain points and comparisons, from which gradually will grow broader knowledge, pleasantly supplemented by reading. Supposing, for example, you confine yourself at first to half a dozen kinds of creatures which every child knows by sight — a horse, a cow, a dog, a cat and a squirrel. In w^hat features are all alike? Each has a similar general form, a hairy coat, four legs, two eyes, ears, nostrils, etc. Some other animals you know also have the two eyes, etc., such as a bird or a frog or a fish, but these have no coat of hair since their skin is covered with feathers, or with scales, or is naked; so they are different from the cow, horse, dog and cat, and from each other. Thus it appears that we have various classes or kinds of animals — a hairy kind, a feathered kind, a scaly kind and so on. Some day one of the youngsters will interrupt to ask "What is an animal?" to which it is sufficient to answ^er that it is one of the two kinds of livins; creatures — that one which can move about as it pleases, whereas a plant, the other kind, is fixed by its roots in a single spot; moreover an animal feeds upon plants or other animals while a plant feeds generally upon substances in the soil and air. Now that you have a basis to work upon, go back to the familiar hairy animals. How do the five you know best differ ? Two are large, and three are small; the large ones eat only grass and such things; two of the smaller eat meat, and have 28 THE MOTHERS' BOOK very different teeth from the other two, and the squirrel eats nuts, etc. and has teeth unhke any of the others. Very well, now take a simple group — how do the horse and cow differ? Compare the long, hornless head of the horse, and its neat, single hoof, with the short, horned head of the cow and her double hoof. What distinctions can you (i.e. the child) see between the dog and the cat ? The cat has a round head and no nose to speak of, while the dog has a long head and muzzle; the cat has short legs and a creeping gait, the dog longer ones. What about the toes ? There are five — the same number as your own; but the nails in the dogs are strong and blunt and open, while those of the cat are slender and sharp, and drawn up most of the time in sheaths of skin. Then compare with these the limbs and claws of the squirrel. The differences mean a great difference in habits, do they not? What are these habits? And how are the structures and habits related? Such a method is the merest suggestion of how any parent may start his smallest child aright on the road to a knowledge of animals, in a way which will interest them and open their eyes. Unfortunately a large part of the reading designed for children in this direction is mere gush, or so isolated that it gives little or nothing upon which the child's imagination and curiosity may build intelligently. What is wanted by a child at first is a plan of study into which every fact learned later will fit, completing in his mind an orderly structure of knowledge. There is no reason why he should not acquire his knowledge of the animal life of his country, or of the world, as he does his knowledge of its geography, by getting first a true outline map of the great divisions, and then litde by little filling in the details, each one in its proper position. The difference is that between knowl- edge and mere information — between a house and a pile of bricks. Thus started, the boy or girl will read with enjoyment and comprehension " The Animal World, " Volume V in the Library; and appreciate properly the Animal Stories in Volume IV. Before the child is far enough advanced to take this subject up for himself he will have learned the names of the principal kinds of animals and learned their leading characteristics. The fairy stories and droll tales and fables which will be read CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 29 to him from Volume I are full of allusions to them; and many a little rhyme and ballad of the nursery, such as "Who Killed Cock Robin," and "The Snowbird's Song," turns the baby's eyes to the window to see the birdies, and inclines its heart to their welfare. To many a child the magic animals of Hia- watha's land will be the feature of most interest in the myth of that wondrous hero of our northern forests, as related in Vol- ume II; and it will be pleasant to turn from it to the real zoology in Volume V, and find the same animals as they really are. That would be excellent practice, too, with the rich list of Animal Stories in Volume IV. Many of them are gems of fiction, yet built upon a basis of truth; and their delicate imagery, or stirring adventure-, or jolly fun, as in the delicious satire of the boastful Tartarin's exploits with lions in Algiers, will lose nothing by a little sober reading afterward on the subject of each. It is thus the necessarily brief accounts in the natural history are enriched and extended. When you have led your son or daughter to see your cow as an animal distinguished by certain peculiarities he will be ready for the next step — Chapter xv in Volume V. Then he will learn that the world holds various other cattle, some wild and some domestic, and that we used to have here in America a kind of ox which ran wild in great numbers. This will interest him; and in pursuit of this interest he will want to read in Volume VI the article, "The Buffalo of the Plains," which describes how they were hunted in the early days; and also the article, "In the Rocky Mountains." In these he finds mentioned various other animals — deer, pronghorns, prairie dogs, mountain sheep, various birds, rattle- snakes and so on. In Volume V the means are at hand to tell him more of these, and better put them in their proper place in the arrangement of animal life. t^* ^% ^* APPLICATION APPLICATION may be called putting Attention to prac- tical use. It means not only the ability to concentrate your mind on the task at hand, but the will to keep it there, and 30 THE MOTHERS' BOOK to exert all your powers toward completing it. It is called for in play as well as in work. You must train systematically, you must practise a certain length of time each day, whether you like it or not, you must play hard to the final innings, or you won't win. Problems cannot be solved, tasks worth doing cannot be accomplished, except by working steadily as well as forcefully. Hard work will not count for what it ought unless it is continuous. It was his steadfast attention to business, slow but sure, which put the tortoise first over the line, while the hare, though spurting now and then, frequently stopped to look after other afi"airs than the race which was his immediate duty. The English saying "It's dogged does it" expresses the effect of application, bringing to mind the whole-souled scratch- ing of a terrier in digging out a mouse, undistracted by anything going on around him. To their power of application most great men attribute their success. Henry Ward Beecher quoted a general observation when he declared that genius was a capacity for hard work. We may believe genius to be somewhat more than this if we please, but we do know that the men who have become great are, as a rule, these who could bend their minds and energies sternly and continuously to the subject they were engaged upon. They could do one thing at a time, and see it through. They not only struck while the iron was hot, but gave it no time to cool before they hammered it into the shape they desired. Application, then, is the fixing one's mind upon the work in hand, and keeping it there as long as necessary; it is the prac- tice of attentive labor. Such ability is the outgrowth of the faculty of attention, and is indispensable to profitable industry. Furthermore, application is not only the best way to get things done, but gives more reward than the good result attained, for it so trains the faculties that when, as will surely happen, some occasion arises for special, continuous, strained eS'ort, like a college examination or a business crisis, mind and body will readily cope with the emergency, and will survive the ordeal where competitors accustomed only to casual and dis- connected labor will speedily break down. A dreamy, desultory, inattentive manner of working will accomplish little. The CONDUCT AHD CHARACTER-BUILDING 31 Doy or girl who is not capable and in the habit of application is in need of instant reform. In Volume I of the Library will be found little poems and stories, easily appreciated by youngsters, bearing upon this topic — read "The Three Brothers," "Do the Best You Can," "The Tortoise and the Hare," and "The Crow and the Pit- cher. " Chapters in " Robinson Crusoe, " Volume III, contain numerous instances of the practical results of ingenious applica- tion. " Goody Two-Shoes, " further on in that volume, presents a simpler but just as important example. Turn to Volume VIII and you find many successful scientific achievements owing their completion to the habit of unflagging application, for instance "Wireless Telegraphy," or "The Motor Vehicle," or "The Flying Machine." In Volume IX we recommend the biographies of Thomas A, Edison and Elihu Burritt, also the articles "Men of Pluck" and "How Great Things Are Done." t^w t^^ ^* APPRECIATION OF ART THE term "art" is generally used in connection w^ith paint- ing, music, architecture, and sculpture; in the broader sense it means any embodiment of the sense or the love of the beautiful. To appreciate the splendor of the autumnal foliage, the glory of gorgeous sunsets, or the grandeur of mountain scenery attests the possession of artistic sense as much as does admiration of a cathedral or of a sculptured masterpiece. There is beauty everywhere, in such familiar things as field and forest and orchard, as well as in an art gallery whose walls are adorned with the masterpieces of great painters. It has been said that "beauty exists in the eye of the beholder." This is equivalent to saying that there is beauty everywhere if only our eyes are trained to see it. The study of art trains the eye to see and the mind to appreciate the beautiful. The love of the beautiful in nature and in art can and should be cultivated. It "pays" because of the pure pleasure it gives 32 THE MOTHERS' BOOK and because it is an elevating force in character-building. Boys and girls, and we who have reached middle age, can study art in sunset skies and snow-crystals, in the plumage of birds and the petals of the rose, as well as in paintings, engravings, and books about art. Don't forget that the study of the beautiful in nature and in art will help to lift you above petty cares and little disappointments. It improves the manners and refines the mind. Half of Volume XII of the Library is given up to a brief but clear History of Art with many fine photographic reproduc- tions of paintings, sculpture, and buildings. This History of Art is so clearly and simply written that it can be read with pleasure and profit by the children and young folks as well as by those who are older. The chapters on art in ancient Greece and Rome, and those on art in modern Italy and France, may well be read in connection with the geography and history of these countries. In Volume VIII of the Library there is a long, fully illustrated chapter on the beautiful forms of water, dew, snowflakes, etc. An article on " The Potter's Art" is in the same volume. In Volume X will be found articles on the " Expres- sion of Rooms" and "Nursery Decorations." Be sure and read the description of "The Taj Mahal" in Volume VI. You will find the nature poems in Volume XI interesting. Turn, also, to the biography of Palissy in Volume IX. ^v %3^ w^ ATHLETICS AND HEALTH BOYS and girls should be taught that the ideal condition of life at which they should constantly aim is expressed in the old phrase: "A sound mind in a sound body." It has frequently been remarked that nearly all successful men and women — men and women who have done great things for their families, for their country and for the age in which they lived — have been strong in body, as well as in intellect. It will be profitable for the boy to know that nearly every intel- lectually great man whom he will learn to admire, and whom CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 33 he ought to try to emulate, was strong physically as well as mentally and morally. George Washington and Abraham Lincoln were physical giants. At wrestling it is said that neither of them was ever thrown. Lincoln could lift 900 pounds without "harness." And the following famous men all possessed great physical strength and endurance: Daniel Webster, Benjamin Franklin, Henry Ward Beecher, John C. Calhoun, William E. Gladstone, Count Bismarck, John Wesley, Samuel Johnson, and James A. Garfield. See Volume IX of the Library. The girls should be reminded of the fact that nearly all great and successful women, who did the most efficient ser\'ice in private life, were physically strong. This is true of such splendid women as Jenny Lind, Grace Darling, Susanna Wesley, Louisa M. Alcott, Adelina Patti, Madame Melba, and a host of others. There are a few exceptions, but not many. Mrs. Browning, for example, was always physically weak and delicate. Julia Ward Howe possessed such splendid health and vigor that she was able to write the "Battle-Hymn of the Republic" between eleven o'clock at night and six o'clock in the morning, while sitting up all night with a sick child. No wonder that she is healthy, happy, and vigorous at ninety. Boys and girls should learn that good health can be acquired by adequate exercise. Theodore Roosevelt, a weak, sickly child of ten, is a physical giant at fifty. Constant exer- cise should be vigorously pursued from early life to old age. There are abundant opportunities for exercise in the home by the use of dumb-bells, and by other methods recommended in the Library. No father or mother, no boy or girl, should fail to read the following articles in Volume X of the Library in connection with exercise and "keeping well": "Care of the Body in Health " ; " Common Sense Physical Training " ; " Exercise with Apparatus"; " Special Exercises for Women. " In fact, all of the articles in the department entitled "Systematic Physical Training" should be carefully read and the advice put into practice, allowing for condition, age, and circumstances. Little 34 THE MOTHERS' BOOK ones may be inspired to strengthen their bodies by calling their attention to feats of favorite heroes in Volumes I, II, and VII of our Library. ^* ^* ^w ATTENTION IT would be difficult to exaggerate the value of ability to pay attention — to fix and hold the mind on a sub- ject of thought, whether the matter of it reaches the brain through eye or ear. This is not natural to the young but must be cultivated, and should be sedulously taught because it is the most effective tool that can be placed in the student's hand. To the boy or girl of active intelligence the training of this ability into a habit is especially important, for their quick interest in all that is going on around them distracts them from the task in hand more than is the case with less imaginative minds. Without it a subject is only partly understood — merely its surface is scanned in a broad and indefinite way; the deeper significance and relations, essential to real knowledge, are not grasped. Thus the impression left upon the mind is vague, and precise observation and learning becomes more and more difficult. It has been found by animal trainers that beasts are teachable in proportion as they show this quality of mind; monkeys and birds can be taught but little, mainly, apparently, because they cannot be made attentive to the lessons. Samuel Smiles, in urging the importance of concentrating the mind at will, declares that the "difference of the intellect in men depends more upon the early cultivation of this habit than upon any great disparity between the powers of one individual and another." The art of memorizing rests largely upon the faculty of shutting out other facts and impressions while the picture of the things or words to be remembered is printed on the mind. This is only one instance of how attention is the very corner-stone of study, and should be the first and constant care of those who seek to develop a young intellect. One may / begin almost as soon as the child learns anything, by teaching it to CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 35 look closely at an object or collection of them, and then describe what it has seen; by repeatedly reading a short story, then re- quiring it to report what it has heard; by insisting that it take and deliver messages correctly; and otherwise proceeding from simple to more complex tests of attention until a faculty and habit have been formed. Consult Volume I of the Library for the first lessons in attention under story guise, particularly "Discreet Hans," "The Sweet Soup," and "The Nail." Nothing could be better to rivet a little one's attention on the alphabet than Lear's "A Was an Ant" in the same volume. In Volume II the story "Why the Fish Laughed" suggests the importance of listening attentively to wise words, while the tale of "The Purple Jar," in Volume III, teaches the value of accurate at- tention to externals. Close watch on the wonders of nature is presented in Volume V, and we lay emphasis on the "Walks with a Naturalist" and "Nature-Study at the Seaside." Then read "Old Rotterdam" and "On the Road in Russia" in Volume VI, for the attention given to details of travel. Also we refer the student to the biography of Newton and to " Success in Business" in Volume IX. Good counsel on the subject will be found in "Lord Chesterfield's Maxims" and "How to Use Books," Volume X. tff^ t^w ^w CHEERFULNESS CHEERFULNESS has been delightfully called "the bright weather of the heart." Let the mother smile down upon the babe that gazes tearfully up into her eyes, and often out of a peevish humor a happy spirit is at once evoked, for an infant is most sensitive to look and tone. Let her meet its childish woes and hurts with an encouraging word, and very early it will begin to take a cheerful view of life; and how easily it attaches itself to any one with a bright face and a merry heart! We are generous in the education of our children, but do we not sometimes neglect the very important art of cheerful- 36 THE MOTHERS' BOOK ness? Draw the child's attention to the beauty of a rainy day, and to the different blessings associated with merry spring, glow- ing summer, gorgeous autumn, and brisk winter. Teach them to look more often up into the sky with its wonderful cloud effects; for the cheerful ones are always those that look out and up. It is easier now than in the olden days to teach the young lessons of cheer; for more and more their social betterment is made a subject of study. It was not until late in the nine- teenth century, for example, that children were taught to sing, and does not the music thus brought into their lives impart genuine pleasure? Some mothers that read these words will sigh and say that withal life is a chapter of many and varied experiences, and that it is hard always to be bright. Well, there are clouds it is true, but there is a rift somewhere; the best way is to walk hand in hand with the children right up to manhood and womanhood, trying to carry the cheer together, and cheerfulness has an abid- ing element that overcomes many obstacles. Do not worry your children about things that may never happen. Take a lesson from the story of St. Teresa. When on the way to Alamanca, to found her convent, she spent the night in a ruined house. A frightened nun who accompanied her called out to her in the darkness, " I am thinking, Mother, if I should die now, what would you do alone ? " and St. Teresa, half awake, replied: "When this even happens. Sister, I will think what I ought to do; for the present let me sleep." A lady in Leamington, England, who had been a neighbor of Frances Ridley Havergal, with whose ministry of song we are familiar, said that Miss Havergal never entered her house but that her merry laugh and bright presence touched all hearts. She did not repine at her sorrows or delicate health, but " was always so chcerie. " And with her we recall that other Englishwoman, Florence Nightingale, who nursed the troops in the Crimean War, and how when one night a sick soldier saw her shadow on the wall he exclaimed, "Oh, the cheer of her!" Think how the lovable Sir Walter Scott attracted alike children and animals by his genial words, and how he would say, " Give me an honest laugh!" And Oliver Wendell Holmes, who has been CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 37 named "The Boston Bird with the Chirrup Note" — how he smiled as he \\Tote and how we smile as we read! We have lingered over these illustrations because they so plainly show us that the simplest way to inspire cheerfulness is to be cheerful. A great philosopher once said, "Give us, O give us, the man that sings at his work!" Cheerfulness is one of the cardinal virtues. To be sad and gloomy — to look on the dark side of things and grumble — is one of the seven "deadly sins." Mothers and fathers will find suggestions on this subject in the following articles of Volume X of the Library: "Cheerfulness in the Home," "Grumblers," "A Courteous Mother," and "A Spirit of Love." The very little children will be helped in the direction of cheerfulness and happiness by the frequent telling and singing of the best nursery rhymes and songs, such as will be found at the beginning of Volume I and Volume XII. There is also a fine collection of "Nonsense Songs" in Volume XII. The nursery talcs and favorite poems in Volume I (pages 32-1 ii), should be recited and read again and again to the little ones, and they should be encouraged to memorize them and sing and tell them to their parents and to each other. This is just as im- portant in their development as memorizing the multiplication table. For little children to learn such poems in Volume I (pages 78-180), as "Suppose," "The Three Little Kittens," "There Was a Little Girl," "Where Are You Going, My Pretty Maid?" and to say them over and over, is a lesson in cheerful- ness. Such stories and poems as "Puss in Boots," "The Man in the Moon," "The Good Time Coming," "Contented John" (Volume I, pages 120-210), will bring sunshine and cheer to any child. We commend for the children who are somewhat older "The Laughter Stories" toward the close of Volume I. Most of them are remarkably interesting and should be read over and over again. Later on, the boys and girls will find inspiration in the direction of cheerfulness in the life-sketches of such heroic characters as Julia Ward Howe and Abraham Lincoln (Volume IX). In Volume III there are many cheery and delightful little stories, including " Don Quixote, " and " Uncle David's Story." -/ «'> ii»- f\ 38 THE MOTHERS' BOOK In Volume XI, in the departments entitled " Girlhood Days" and "Boyhood Days," there will be found such dehghtful and charming poems as "A Knot of Blue," "The Barefoot Boy," etc. t^* t^* ^w CHIVALRY MAY not the twentieth-century mother bring her lad or maiden, a lesson from the brave days of old? The maxim of the knight of medieval chivalry was devotion to arms, compassion for the oppressed, and regard for women. The boy of seven became the lady's page; if he proved faithful, at fourteen the rank of squire was conferred upon him; and at twenty-one he was dubbed "Sir Knight." A romantic light is thrown over these ancient warriors; their feats of arms and brilliant tournaments; and if we inquire into the moral of their deeds, we will find it revealed in Spenser's "Faerie Queen," or in Chaucer's "Canterbury Tales" — pictures of chivalric hfe, full of lessons of truth and friendship, of justice and courtesy. And these lessons are more needed to-day than in the age when fierce temptations assailed the intrepid knight. It is true, that we do not commit our page to the mistress of the lordly castle; but does he not in his own home find constant opportunity to practise obedience, courage, truthfulness, and courtesy, and those other virtues that make for prompt and humane action? Our young squire with wheel, ball game, and races may easily become athletic for life's physical contests; and the knightly armor should always be ready, with its coat of mail, strong in its greaves and linkings of truth, its breastplate of character, its shield of faith, and its sword of purpose and courage. The knight need not sally forth on deeds of errantry and adventure, or seek the spoils of war; his valor may be displayed in deeds of kindness, and in fearlessness in resisting temptation. And then his purest chivalric expression is found in his devotion to women. And what is more lovely than the love for mother that should be deeply implanted in the heart of every CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 39 youth and maiden ? At a feast once given in a baronial hall, each knight was asked to drink to his "ladye fair." And St. Leon, the noblest of the guests, " envied by some, admired by all," pledged his mother! Every loyal mother by her winning personality may claim the same holy love and rever- ence from her true knight. A chivalrous character early implanted in any boy or girl develops a heroic manhood and brave womanhood. And as life is full of surprises, be prompt and vigilant. Adopt the motto of the noble Black Prince: "I Serve!" and let the sen-ice be like that of Chevalier Bayard: "Without fear and without reproach." For nursery folks a few simple threads of chivalry are woven into "Sleeping Beauty" and "Pretty Goldilocks," both in Volume I of the Library; and in Volume II there are stories of wider appeal illustrating this splendid spirit — read " Perseus, " the King Arthur stories, "Roland," and "Robin Hood." In Volume III are "Don Quixote," Chaucer's "Emelia," and the chapter "Hector and Andromache," in the "Iliad." Volume IV contains "Wee WiUie Winkie" and "Undine." "The Forty-seven Renins" in Volume VII is a stirring chapter of Japanese chivalry; and with that volume in hand read the essay on "Sir Phihp Sidney." Poems bearing on the subject in Volume XI are "Lochinvar," "Marmion and Douglas," "The Glove and the Lions," and "Sir Galahad." (^* <^w ^w CIVIC RESPONSIBILITY EVERY lad, as he approaches manhood, should be imbued with the idea that fitting himself for citizenship is a patriotic duty. As he shares in the protection and other benefits which the organization of society and the government of the country afford, so he must feel, under our republican institutions, a responsibility for their maintenance and good conduct. The government is "of the people" and "by the people" as well as "for the people." It is what the people make it; but the danger is that too many may forget or neglect 40 THE MOTHERS' BOOK their duty and leave to others, who may be thinking more of their own than of the pubhc advantage, the whole control of affairs. Every citizen has a share in the responsibility of the nation, or any part of it, as his State or city or rural district, to be well governed. He cannot escape it. Unless he informs himself as to questions of policy, and exerts his influence toward what he is convinced is the best policy; and unless, when he can vote, he gives his ballot to the best man or set of men, so far as he can ascertain those best calculated to carry out that policy in the conduct of public affairs, he is wronging his neighbors and his country. He cannot, in a republic, delegate that responsibility to "the politicians" nor to any one else. It is his business to get all the light he can on each public question, and then to do what he can, by influence and by vote, to put his convictions into effect. The girls should be taught that they, too, bear a similar responsibility, from which they are not exempted because they cannot, in most cases, cast a vote. They can study pub- lic questions, and arrive at conclusions, and instruct others, and bring to bear a powerful influence upon the voters of their family or acquaintance. For failure to do so they are equally answerable with the men. But boys and girls should be taught to realize that for every shortcoming in either local or general government they are responsible to the extent that they might have spoken and worked against it. Civic duties, or the duties of citizenship, are numerous. Perhaps most of them may be considered by the boy or young man along the following lines: i. Obedience to law. 2. Honor in taking an oath, and the avoidance of perjury. 3, Fidelity in office, doing full duty and avoiding bribery and "graft." 4. Duty involved in the ballot, registering, primary elections — honor in voting. 5. The dignity and honor of citizenship. In the Library will be found (Volume VII, beginning page 374) admirable articles on the duties of citizenship by the late Presi- dent Cleveland, Theodore Roosevelt, Cardinal Gibbons, and many others. In Volume XI the poems under "Country and Flag" should be read, and we suggest that at least two of the CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 41 poems be committed to memory. Perhaps " The Star-Spangled Banner" and "The American Flag" will appeal strongly to most boys and girls. "Defending the Fort" in Volume IV is a good story for the little folks. The story of William Tell in Volume II bears strongly on the question of civic duty. A great deal of profit may be had by a close perusal of the biogra- phy of Thomas Jefferson in Volume IX. *^W ti?* \^m CLEANLINESS UNDER this title we wish to say a few words to boys and girls, but especially to boys, about cleanliness of body and mind. To be clean and neat is your duty to yourself as well as to your associates. Is that sentence true, or is it not true? What a wretched world this would be if all faces were dirty, all hair was uncombed, and everybody's clothes were covered with filth! Boys and girls, we are not going to write much on this subject, because it is not necessary. You can ponder over it and arrive at a sensible conclusion just as well as we can. Per- haps you might do some thinking and reasoning in connection with this subject along the following lines: Cleanliness of body, hands, face, nails, etc.; cleanliness of clothing, shoes, books, etc.; cleanliness and neatness every- where and all the time as far as possible. It seems to us that "cleanliness of mind" is a correct ex- pression. This means that you will avoid swearing or the use of low, mean language. Swearing is a nuisance to all well- bred men and women. It is in bad taste, and bad taste indi- cates bad breeding. We believe it is generally admitted that a gentleman never swears. Perhaps this statement is not wholly true, for it is difficult to decide just who are and who are not gentlemen. We are sure, however, that if a gentleman ever forgets himself and swears, he is ashamed of it afterward. Boys, don't indulge in low, coarse talk. Avoid vulgar words, vulgar stories, and vulgar jokes. Don't write obscene words 42 THE MOTHERS' BOOK on fences or walls or sidewalks. We don't believe that you, young readers, have done or will do any of these things, but you should go further than that — -you should show your dis- approval of them. If a boy or a man tells you a coarse story or low joke, don't knock him down, although he deserves it; just listen in cold silence, and the vulgar fellow may not repeat the offence. Be pure of speech; it will help you to live a pure, true, and noble life. Cleanliness of thought and speech are exemplified in the little poem, "The Boy who never Told a Lie," and in the fairy tale, "Toads and Diamonds," both in Volume I of the Library. We also advise the reading of "Sir Galahad and the Sacred Cup" in Volume II, and the poetical version of the subject in Volume XL The poem "Be True," in the latter volume, is recommended for memorizing. How to maintain cleanliness of body and dress is treated in "Hints for Happiness" and " Care of the Body in Health" in Volume X. ^* ^* ^w CONTENTMENT IN the present-day world perhaps one of the rarest things to be met with is the spirit of contentment. Everybody is striving to get more than they have, of money, or position, luxury, or power. How few have the sane, placid spirit of contentment, and how benign are those who do have it! Often children learn in the nursery to be discontented just be- cause they already have too much. The number of toys a baby may own is usually unlimited in any way; he may have as many as are given him, and the more the better. Perhaps if only he has one new one for each restless moment it may content him and keep him quiet, reasons his mother and his nurse; and so some- thing fresh is handed him whenever he throws down the old toy he has been holding. Nothing could be more unwise; he will grow into a child who demands more and more, and is restless and dissatisfied of spirit. It is far better for children not to have too many things, too CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 43 much amusement, too much attention even, if one would cul- tivate in them a contented mind. The tendency to-day is all toward excitement and stimulation, and children are quite as ready as grown people to crave these things. If one would start a child on the road to contentment, it is better to give him a quiet nursery with fresh air and sunshine for the luxuries, and let him learn early to amuse himself, not to depend on being amused, and to make much of a few toys rather than to play with many and tire of them all. To praise common things is one way of giving a child a contented mind. When he hears his parents speak delightedly of the sunny morning, or of some little plant which has come up unexpectedly, or of the joy of the little home circle, he learns that these are the important things after all, and his little heart responds to the demand made upon it. These are the real things, those which content father and mother and give them happiness, and they appeal to the child even more, with his more limited knowledge of the larger world. Training in contentment lies in the home far more than outside. School may train in other w^ays, but here the influence of the closest environment is what tells in the long run. A contented mother makes a contented child. A home where no one says "I wish we had this or that," and is dissatisfied because of the lack, but where conditions are accepted as not only right, but pleasant, or at least to be made the best and most of, is the place where one grows up with the sweet spirit of satis- faction with things as they are. Such contentment is quite consistent with ambition, and it neither narrows one's outlook nor tends to lethargy. It is the opposite of restlessness, and the greed for pleasures and un- attainable luxuries; it is the calm, quiet influence that is sorely needed in this generation, and is priceless to its possessor. "Contented John" and "For a' That," poems in Volume I, are especially worthy of note, and so is the charming Andersen tale, "The Fir Tree," in that volume. In Volume II read "Baucis and Philemon," or turn to Volume III in which are "Simple Susan" and "Prince Life." The "Alice and Phoebe Gary" article in Volume IX illustrates the contentment of 44 THE MOTHERS' BOOK those simple, gifted sisters. In Volume X an essay on " Grum- blers" will be found. Poems in Volume XI relating to the topic of content are "Ode to Sohtude, " "If We Knew," and much of the " Deserted Village. " t^* f^f g5* CONVERSATION THERE is no doubt," remarks an observer, "that the common conversation of the fireside, the table-talk of the family circle, influences to a great degree the joy or sorrow, the excellence or the inferiority, of home life. For, however silent we may be in other places .... we have not much hesitation in speaking exactly how and what we wish at home." If this be true it is plain that while there cannot be too much of a feeling of perfect freedom, there is also need of care in the leaders of the family, who have power to control the familiar daily chat, keep it within bounds, and lead it in right directions. For home talk is sure to make a lasting impression upon the younger members of the household. They will un- thinkingly take from it not only their manner of speech, but their opinions and their standard of morals, so that their char- acters will, to a great extent, be formed by it. Good conversation is an art that all young persons are anxious to acquire, but they will never excel in it unless they are accustomed ^to well-expressed and high-toned talk at home. It is useless to expect children to speak grammatically and with proper phraseology, however carefully instructed at school, unless the rules and niceties of language are habitually ob- served in their own houses. We speak of one's language as his mother tongue, meaning that the child uses the speech of his mother. He will use it rightly or wrongly, with coarse- ness or refinement (at any rate in his younger years) as he hears and imitates it daily from her lips. Family intercourse, then, should be more, on the whole, than mere gossip. Children should be led to talk about things and events rather than of acquaintances and their trivial doings — least of all about them- selves. This does not shut out an abundance of neighborhood CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 45 news and personal interests, yet prevents idle chatter cr some- thing worse. Home talk should be courteous: bickering is vulgar, and criticism of each other by parents in the presence of the young folks is impossible in a well-regulated family. No matter how frank and positive your assertions keep your voice gentle and your language polite. Rudeness is worse to your friends than it would be to strangers. Avoid slang — at any rate new and silly slang. It is bad enough to use it on the playground: do not bring it into the house any more than you do the mud on your shoes, which it may be hard not to pick up, but which is not worth keeping. You can be just as jolly without it, and won't be in danger of forming a habit that will plague you when you go among people of refinement. Conversation is not a school, but a means of mental enter- tainment and relaxation. It is like a game in which each catches and tosses a ball as it comes near, others waiting at- tentively imtil the ball suddenly bounds their way, when it must be promptly returned for the general benefit. Attention and a readiness to do your part at the right moment, is the life of the game. To be a good talker, socially, you must be a good listener, and courteously considerate. "Take, rather than give, the tone of the company you are in," was Lord Chesterfield's admonition to his son. Let your reminiscences and stories generally illustrate what the company has been discussing; and make them brief and sharply pointed, trimming off unnecessary details. The art of telling a story crisply and dramatically is one of the highest accomplishments of those who are really social lights; and it is an accomplishment worthy of some study and private practice. Popularity, as well as courtesy, requires you to listen well to any jest or anecdote thrown out. Absent-mindedness acts on conversation as water does on fire. A considerate person will avoid introducing any topic likely to be unpleasant. " Do not speak of ropes in the house of one who has been hanged," is a worthy old proverb. Likewise avoid subjects likely to arouse harsh differences of opinion. A useful hint to beginners in the social path is this: When you know that you are to meet a stranger, or a company, pre- 46 THE MOTHERS' BOOK pare for it. Try to learn something of the characters and tastes of the persons in view, and think what would be appropriate and pleasant to say to each of them, and what you would most like to hear from them. With such preparation you will hardly be caught with empty mouth, because your mind will not be empty of ideas; and after all a full mind is the best equipment for easy and delightful conversation. A poem, "The Chatterbox," in Volume I, is an excellent little lesson in itself; also "Jack and His Master," a humorous story in that volume, demonstrates the value of carefully chosen words. "Harisarman" and "Why the Fish Laughed" in Volume II show the use of happy phrases. In Volume III both "Trial" and "The Sore Tongue" are to the point. Most of these will appeal to the youngest readers. Older boys and girls will find profit in studying the wonderfully chosen words of "The Declaration of Independence" and Lincoln's "Second Inaugural" in Volume VII, and in Volume IX they are advised to read the biographies of Daniel Webster, Henry Ward Beecher, and Margaret Fuller Ossoli. Among "Lord Chesterfield's Maxims" and in "Table-Talk," Volume X, will be found good counsel about conversation. The playlets in the same volume, if committed to memory, ought to prove helpful. ^v v^ t^* COURAGE ALL parents want their boys to be courageous, and would like to see them heroes, yet often train them away from these ideals, or allow others to do so. Such a mistake may easily begin in the cradle. No child would ever be afraid of the dark, which gradually approaches each evening, any more than of the sunbeams that dissipate it at dawn, did not somebody fill its little head with stories of hobgoblins hiding among the shadows. If, in spite of precautions, such needless fears get into the child's mind, do your best to convince it that they are unreal; that the bedroom is as safe by night as by day; and gently CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 47 cultivate stoutness of heart. No quality is more essential to happiness. A timid child is in constant misery. It imagines imreal terrors in each new experience, and magnifies diflficulties. It is ever on the lookout for harm, and thinking of its own weakness instead of that of the foe. So it shrinks from effort for fear of getting hurt. A courageous nature, on the other hand, dares joyously to put forth its whole powers, undaunted by rivalry. It does not retreat at the first rebuff, nor the second, but struggles on. It withstands oppression, and resists pressure upon its rights. Sometimes courage appears as physical bravery, as when a boy risks injury in order to do something that greatly needs doing, or when he defends his rights or honor, or a weaker com- panion, with his fists. Fighting among boys is surely not to be encouraged; yet when your son comes home with a black eye and sore knuckles, inquire carefully into the cause of the fight and his feeling about it before you condemn him. Some- times a fight may even be worth while as disclosing to a timid boy the undeveloped manliness which he really possesses. A brave nature is a gentle one, but gentleness may, under bad management, degenerate into weakness and cowardice, and cowardice is usually at the bottom of meanness. The highest courage, nevertheless, is that which is able to put aside a temptation to fight merely to show bravery, or for some other poor reason; which will enable a boy or girl to smile at a taunt that everybody knows is undeserved; and which, on the other hand, will enable a boy or girl, a man or woman, to champion an approved idea or person, however unpopular with others, and stand fast to the end of the chapter. Physical courage is a good thing, but moral courage is above it. It is your privilege to teach your child to have both. Boys and girls, won't you do some thinking about courage, and look up the word "courage" and the word "heroism" in the dictionary? Then ^^Tite a short essay on the subject, ar- ranging it under the following subdivisions: (i) True courage— that is, daring to do right and daring to defend the right; (2) false courage— daring to do or to defend the ^^Tong; (3) true courage shown in bearing unjust censure or unpopularity; 48 THE MOTHERS' BOOK (4) courage in times of danger or misfortune; (5) the difference, if any, between courage and heroism. Nearly every volume of the Library contains a poem, article, or story teaching the great quality of courage. Volume VII is almost wholly devoted to heroic deeds, while Volume VI is replete with the daring and hardihood of explorers and ad- venturers. Then turn to our biographical volume (IX), and you find it full of courageous men and women. But for very small folks we can recommend "Hansel and Gretel," "The Hardy Tin Soldier," and "Jack the Giant-Killer" in Volume I; "Cadmus," "Perseus," "Beowulf," and "Roland" in Volume II; the Iliad tales in Volume III; and "Defending the Fort," "The Boatman's Story," and "Wee Willie Winkie" in Vol- ume IV. Many poems of valor and bravery are in Volume XI: among others see "The Charge of the Light Brigade," "In- cident of the French Camp," "Marco Bozzaris, " and "Sheri- dan's Ride." Every boy should memorize at least the last two. x^i (j5* ^* CULTURE {See "Home Study," "Manners," and "Reading.") :f Jf Sf CURIOSITY CURIOSITY," in the definition of a French writer on the mental life of children, "is the mind in quest of knowledge. . . It will show itself from the first months, with the first glance brought to bear on things, with the first movement of the hand to seize and feel a thing." It is the mainspring of intelligence. The young mind, like the young body, needs exercise in order to grow. Curiosity is the stimulus which urges it to seek new sensations, novel impressions, for which there is constant hunger, and out of which are formed new ideas. The more it explores its world, the further it widens its circle of possible knowledge; and when it becomes able to CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 49 talk, its means of satisfying its curiosity are immensely in- creased, for now it can ask about things, the mere seeing or touching of which is unsatisfying. Then arrives that trying period when the little one wishes to take part in everything— is always "under-foot, " and follows us with perpetual question- ings. He already has learned the appearance of many things; now he begins to notice their connection, and that each object or act has a cause, a meaning, or a certain regularity of oc- currence. Hence, besides his constant inquiry "What is that?" come the endless "Whys?" and "Hows?" which so tax our patience. Some of this is mere chatter— an egotistic desire to be continually noticed and served; and such behavior a wise parent will repress; but largely it is legitimate, and due to the restlessness of the growing mind, astonished at the host of unexplained things constantly met with. It is characteristic of this stage that almost any answer will be accepted, partly because of the child's entire faith in us, and partly because in its wondering state of mind every marvel seems possible. It is just because it is so easy to abuse this dawning and trustful intelligence — to lead their minds astray by careless answers — that parents and others ought to be cautious and conscientious in what they say. When a chance offers, they ought to show the little questioner how he may find out for himself the facts he wants to know and more besides. It is even possible, now and then, to set him in the way of thinking out answers to questions which he asked be- cause he did not yet know how to study. Above all things be honest with him. It is a crime against innocence to amuse oneself by deceiving a child. " When it is impossible to respond seriously to his ill-timed and inopportune questions, it is better to answer simply 'I do not know,' or, 'You cannot understand that at your age,' than to play upon his good faith." The difference between the right and wrong sort of curiosity may be aptly shown by comparing "Pandora," Volume II, and "The Inquisitive Girl," Volume III, with some of the simple, suggestive poems in Volume I, such as "Twinkle, Twinkle," "Foreign Lands," and "The Wind," which set forth the natural questioning of the child-mind. In Volume V 50 THE MOTHERS' BOOK "Walks With a Naturalist" will prove stimulative to the eager young enquirers. Volume VI in the Library is replete with results of the enquiring spirit, but special attention is di- rected to the article "The Lost City of Petra. " Scientific curiosity fills Volume VIII, and we urge the reading of the section "Astronomy," and "The Habits of Ants," and " Spiders and Their Ways." In Volume IX the biographical sketch of Franklin contains much of value. Also, in this connection, read "Hints on Education," Volume X, and "The Barefoot Boy," Whittier's poem, in Volume XL (^* (^W (^W DUTY {See "Honor," "Honesty," and "Loyalty.") ^* ^V (^W EMULATION (See "Imitation and Emulation.") t^w ^w ^y% FIRMNESS FIRMNESS is as necessary to character as is stability to a house. The biographies of eminent men, such as those outlined in Volume IX, show that they possessed it in a high degree, or they would not have accomplished the deeds for which they are honored. Having planted their feet upon a certain position they maintained it stoutly and unwaveringly. Thus Columbus stood against mutinous protests till a new world was reached; thus Martin Luther withstood his opponents with dauntless resolution; so Wellington, "fair-square to all the winds that blew," held his ground at Waterloo and saved Europe from tyraimy; and so Thomas earned his title of "the Rock of Chickamauga. " CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 51 "Firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, " was the great maxim of Abraham Lincoln. Firmness implies that judgment approves of your position and reason assures you that the object in view is worthy of exertion, and is attainable. But firmness, steadfastness, must be distinguished from obstinacy, which is firmness wrongly exercised. The word obstinacy carries the idea of unreasonable stubbornness toward argument or persuasion^self-will in its disagreeable aspect. It usually arises from ignorance and egotistic pride, and is a mark of prejudice and narrow-mindedness — a disposition to believe nothing that cannot be seen. Sad to say, obstinacy is more often displayed in women than in men, mainly, perhaps, because women in general have less breadth of experience together with greater positiveness of conviction than men. It is also more characteristic of age than of youth, yet is often seen in children, whom it makes most difScult to govern; for an obstinate child, compelled to submit by force, yet "of the same opinion still," is in danger of becoming "sly." This disposition then, is very undesirable. Marcus Aurelius declares that "a child who hath been obstinate in his youth will suffer in his old age." A good method of combating obstinacy is to cultivate breadth and openness of mind. Point to history and show how incessantly the unexpected has happened, how men have seen carried to success what they have loudly declared impossible. It is a curious fact that the most obstinate children are often very sweet in temper. They are as unruffled by argument as is a duck by rain, and as impervious to it as are the bird's feathers to wet. But the duck, though placid, is a stolid bird, and not admirable for a model for a bright boy or girl. The best appeal, perhaps, will be through ridicule. Obsti- nacy is pig-headedness. An obstinate child will not like that name for it, and may seek to avoid the reputation. Show him examples from his own acquaintances of persons who were "dead sure" they were right, in the face of all other opinion, yet turned out to be laughably mistaken. / 52 THE MOTHERS' BOOK Both poems, "The Spider and the Fly" and "The Fox and tne Crow," in Volume I of the Library, teach simple litde lessons of being firm. "Theseus" in Volume II, and the chapter dealing with Telemachus in "Odysseus," Volume III, have similar messages. Also parts of "Pilgrim's Progress," Volume III, are suggestive of good, unyielding resolution. In Volume VI look up the "First Voyage of Columbus" and "Arctic Perils." The wonderfully firm character of William the Silent is shown in "The Defense of Leyden," Volume VII; another fine example of determined purpose in that volume is in "The Founding of New England." Biographies to the point in Volume IX are those of Martin Luther and Emma Willard. For older folks we recommend "The Inhumanities of Parents" and "Training the Will" in Volume X. We urge for old and young the memorizing of some of the lines in Lo- well's "Abraham Lincoln" and Tennyson's "Ulysses," to be found in Volume XL ft5* t3^ t^* FRIENDSHIP EVERY mother realizes what supreme objects of interest children are to children; and this is well, for they should not live only with older people, but should have happy relations with those of their own age. And they are such imitators that they are very easily molded by those with whom they come in contact, being either hindered or helped by their associations. The fear of the boy getting into loose company hangs like a nightmare over thousands of homes to-day. Some parents refuse absolutely to let their boys go out in the evening, feeling that they cannot get into trouble if they are kept at home; but such unjust confinement works its own harm. With good companions the boy is sometimes safer at entertainments at a neighbor's home than if kept strictly in his own house. Encour- age games, innocent evening recreations, and outdoor physical sports. Let the boys work off their surplus energy in such natu- ral channels. A boy placed on his honor is always more depend- CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 53 able than one watched and suspected every hour of the night. If they make vulgar and evil friends, we see them reflected in their own speech and manners; while gentle and truthful ones are as perfectly reproduced. Every child is known by the company it keeps. So let the mother, without prejudice or seeming to be over watchful, know her children's companions and study their character, for only thus can she help in selecting the right sort of friends. But such childish friendships are often fickle; the more enduring ones are usually formed by those in their teens, and it is then that the subject must be faced most seriously and intelligently, and when the mother-love must be most intimate and assertive. The mother is the wise counselor to whom her children look for guidance in right impulses and cool judgment. She should teach them to be kind toward all, but to beware of shallow friendships and of the flattery and insincerity of those who find every one whom they meet "after their own heart." Honest friendship is a passion so intense that it can be shared with but few; but it is well to remember Emerson's remark that "the only way to have a friend is to be one." Under all its humor, "The Cat and the Mouse in Part- nership," Volume I, tells a tale of a mismated pair; and in that volume of the Library will be found "The Straw, the Coal, and the Bean," and "Hans in Luck," which contain warnings against heeding advice from the ^^Tong sort of friends. Several chapters of "Pinocchio's Adventures in Wonderland" (Volume I) point the same moral. In Volume II read "Roland," and in Volume III find the themes of friend- ship in the "Iliad," the "Odyssey," "Emilia" and "Amend- ment." Effects of good and evil acquaintance can be seen in "Oliver Twist," Volume IV, and animal friendships in the same volume are these: "A Field-mouse Tale," "Frisky- toes," "Rab and His Friends," "My Lion Friend," and " Black Beauty." A useful essay in Volume X is "The Choice of Companions." Get by heart some of the poems in the "Friendship" division of Volume XI, particularly "We Have Been Friends Together," "A Wayfaring Song," and "Bill and Joe." 54 THE MOTHERS' BOOK GENEROSITY « THE little child comes into the world with a generous and loving heart. He will divide with any one his toys or his candy; it is only when life opens more before him that he becomes selfish and wants everything for himself. The pity of it is, that parents are to blame for this state of things, and for the stunting of the lovely natural impulses of generosity. Sometimes it is merely that they are careless and thoughtless about it, and do not definitely try to keep the child in his best mood; sometimes it is force of example; and sometimes both. It is a help to generosity when a child has to share his play- things and belongings of all sorts with his own brothers and sisters; then he learns that he cannot have everything in the whole world for himself alone; the ojily child is the one who usually grows up selfish. But even when the nursery is a training-school, still a parent must daily watch the child and try and have him want to give up his own wishes, his own things, to those about him. Thanks and praise are both valuable in this training. When the child comes home from school and gives the mother a flower, she must be grateful for it, put it in water carefully, and show appre- ciation of the kind thought. This little warming of the child's heart is a lesson in itself; it seems worth while to be generous and give pleasure when such a reward comes. Of course this is but the rudimentary part of generosity, and one must give and divide with no hope of reward when the higher stages of character are reached; but at first it is best to show the child how lovely and how pleasant it is to give generous thought for others. The higher praise of the mother, however, should be reserved for those things that have the element of self-sacrifice in them. When it costs to be generous, then indeed it is worth while! The child that denies itself to give to some one who is in need should be told Cj[uietly, and by itself, that this is the real generos- ity, and of the sort that makes father and mother proud and happy. The child must not, of course, be praised before others in such a way as to make him vain, for one may be CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 55 generous for vanity's sake, even in adult years; the praise should be given perhaps at bedtime, or in some quiet hour, when the lesson will sink deep. It is also necessary to teach a child to be generous graciously. It is possible to bestow favors in such a way as to make them utterly valueless; the words of Lowell, "the gift without the giver is bare," should be impressed in spirit as well as in letter on the growing mind. Better not to give at all, one might say, that to give in such a way as to spoil the gift. Sometimes the idea of generosity is mixed with the idea that money value counts in a gift. This is a fatal mistake. The service of love, the trifling gift, is worth as much as the giving of money or of what has cost money. The mercenary side of life should always be kept away from the child as far as is possible in this mercenary world. True generosity consists in giving with a loving heart, in the spirit of service, whatever form the gift takes. "The Blackberry Girl" in Volume I of the Library illustrates this noble quality and, further on, the funny Chinese story, "The Most Frugal of Men," emphasizes an opposite trait. Volume II offers many big-souled characters, but we call special attention to "Robin Hood" and "The Two Brothers." Then "The Three Cakes," in Volume III, presents even a stronger example, contrasting generosity with selfishness. Open Volume IV and you will find "Hetty's Half-Crown" and "The King of the Golden River" and "The Monkey's Revenge. " Read all of them. In Volume IX the biographies of George Peabody and Peter Cooper are worthy of close study. " Making Presents, " in Volume X, should be consulted in this connection. Poems to know word for word are "The Happy Warrior," and "My Creed " in Volume XL <^w ^?* 1^^ THE GENTLEMAN IT would be hard to find among the men of our own time one who illustrates more completely the title "gentleman" than George William Curtis, whose life terminated within the 56 THE MOTHERS' BOOK memory of the present generation. Three hundred years before him there lived in England Sir Philip Sidney, whom men have long esteemed a shining, if not the brightest, exemplar of ''gen- tlemanliness," to the possession of which all right-minded men aspire. It was peculiarly fitting and fortunate, therefore, that Mr. Curtis should write of the life and characteristics of Sidney, as he has done in Volume VII of the Library, and every lad ought to read and re-read that essay until the spirit which it portrays becomes a part of himself. He had, Mr. Curtis tells us of Sidney, that happy harmony of mind and temper, of enthusiasm and good sense, of accom- plishment and capacity, which is described by that most ex- quisite and most abused word, gentleman. "His guitar hung by a ribbon at his side, but his sword hung upon leather be- neath it. His knee bent gallantly to his queen, but it knelt reverently also to his Maker. And it was the crown of the gen- tleman that he was neither ashamed of the guitar nor of the sword; neither of the loyalty nor the prayer. For a gentleman is not an idler, a trifler, a dandy; he is not a scholar only, a soldier, a mechanic, a merchant; he is the flower of men, in whom the accomplishment of the scholar, the bravery of the soldier, the skill of the mechanic, the sagacity of the merchant, all have their part and appreciation. A sense of duty is his mainspring," Then, going into the breadth of the subject, Mr. Curtis gives us one of the finest definitions of the gentleman ever penned — 'fine both in its lofty appreciation, and also as a model of pure English style. Perhaps there is no one article in the volume more profitable for the youthful reader than this. Parents also should read this inspiring chapter. But the subject is so broad and important that it deserves a wider treatment and more extensive reading. The following articles should also be read and considered and discussed in the family circle^" John Wesley" and "George Washington" in Volume VI. These are life-sketches of two great and heroic gentlemen. The following poems, in Volume XI, contain many admirable suggestions that will help to make more clear this subject: "Lady Clare," "Be True," "Polonius to Laer- tes. " We also recommend in this connection the reading of the CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 57 following articles in Volume X: "Lord Chesterfield's Maxims," " Good Manners in the Home, " and " Grumblers. ' ' In Volume III there are several entertaining stories that make clear to little folks some of the qualities of the true gentleman; thus the story entitled "Two Litde Boys" will be found interesting to them as well as to older children. The conception of the word "gentleman" in the Middle Ages and in heroic times is shown by two hero stories, or legends, in Volume II: "Guy of Warwick" and "Galahad and the Sacred Cup. " In connection with this last-named English leg- end the older boys and girls may profitably read the poem by Tennyson, in Volume XI, entitled "Sir Galahad." We suggest that the young reader consult the definition of the word "gentleman" in any good dictionary, and try to ac- quire a fondness for frequently consulting a dictionary or ency- clopedia. The following quotation is worth considering: " George Washington in the highest sense of the word was a gentleman and a man of honor." (^ (,?• t^* HABITS MEN and women of middle age know how difficult it is to break a bad habit, and how easy it is to form a new one. A large part of the training and education of children consists in helping them to acquire right habits of thinking and doing. What is a habit ? Some one has defined it as " a tendency to do that which we have frequently done before." When a man has been kind and courteous for years, it is easy to be kind and courteous. When a man has practised lying and decep- tion for years, it is almost impossible for him to be frank, truthful, and straightforward. Parents must help their children to form correct habits, and I the first one for the little children to form is obedience. They I should be led to obey till obedience is easier than disobedience because it has become a habit. This does not mean "breaking the child's will, " to use an old expression. A child's will should 58 THE MOTHERS' BOOK never be broken, but it should be bent and molded by gentle and yet positive measures. The child will be better and happier if he is obedient to a tender and affectionate mother. The mother should try to be so just, so consistent, and so sym- pathetic that she will be worthy of trust and obedience. This is a large subject, and space prevents long discussion of its importance in child-training. How cruel it is to permit children to become slaves of low and debasing habits! How noble it is to help them by kindness, tactfulness, and firmness to form habits that are good and elevating! Give children plenty to do. Let them be always making something in which they are interested and in which you are also interested. It may be a snow-fort or a little house made of blocks, or a scrap-book made of pictures, or any one of a hundred other things that you will teach them to do. Encourage them to work and to plan things themselves. This will help them to be resourceful and self-reliant. Help them to acquire the habits of work, obedience, truthfulness, and courage. If a child has three or four good habits, it will be easier for him to form other good habits. If he is truthful and obedient, it will be easier for him to be honest and courteous. If he has learned habits of industry and kindness, he is apt to be cheerful, contented and unselfish. These are some of the good habits to be cultivated, and cultivating good habits always helps us to keep out of bad habits. But evil habits like weeds will appear; destroy them, if you can, before they have had time to grow strong. When selfishness appears, help to crush it by encouraging the child to do unselfish acts. If the child does things that are cruel, train him to acts of kindness and help- fulness. Little can be said here about destroying bad habits. If possible, overcome and eradicate them before they become con- firmed. Unfortunately in this world diseases and bad habits are more contagious than health and good habits. What a vicious and depraved thing a bad habit is! It is unpleasant, even to them of such evil habits or tendencies as lying, drinking, idleness, fretfulness, vanity, swearing, and a host of others. Parents should use "eternal vigilance" in helping their chil- CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 59 dren to conquer or control evil tendencies before they become habits. Boys and girls, it is very important that you think about bad habits and how to avoid them. Perhaps the following outline will help you in such thinking: (i) Bad habits that injure health; (2) that destroy reputation; (3) that dishonor or dis- grace one's family; (4) that would waste money; (5) that take away self-control; (6) that incur needless risks, as gambling; (7) that are offensive to others. In this volume there are little essays on the virtues that should be developed into habits. You may be much helped by reading the articles on Courage, Kindness, Self-control, Cheerfulness, Perseverance, and others. ^w t?* ^^ HEROISM HEROISM is so great and splendid a quality that it has not been thought too much to devote to it almost the whole of Volume VII in our Library. No urging will be necessary to make any lively youth read this section, but first he should scan Mr. Eggleston's admirable Introduction, and so free his mind at the start from the idea that heroism means only an exhibition of courage in the face of some great physical danger— still less that it is vainglorious. Real heroes are ever modest; usually the only explanation they can make of their act is, that it seemed to them the only thing to do at the moment. Take, for example, the fine instance of the fisherman, in Vol- ume VII, page 177. The unheralded heroism of daily life — in the household and the office — outranks, as Henry Ward Beecher once declared, all that of the most memorable battlefields of his- tory. Washington, cold and forlorn at Valley Forge, yet immov- able against every discouragement that could assail a commander, is a more truly heroic figure than when he is seen at Princeton, charging mid smoke and cannon-flame upon the British batter- ies that have almost vanquished his wavering line. With this thought impressed upon the mind, no reading is more attrac- 60 THE MOTHERS' BOOK tive or more inspiring to the young than stories of heroism; and the selections offered in the seventh volume of the series above referred to are rich in thrilling incidents as well as in deeply important lessons. One will not find there a rule for becoming a hero; but if he has taken into his character the spirit por- trayed by the men and women in these narratives, he will need no rule. The man who faithfully does his duty in private life — it may be amid poverty, sickness, and disappointments — is as true a hero is he who dies bravely fighting on the battlefield. The truest courage is often manifested by women in the trials and difficulties of everyday home experience. The heroism of every- day life is much more important to the world than the heroism of wars and battles. With these thoughts always in mind, read the following stories, poems and articles in the Library: In Volume VII be sure to read carefully the following splendid chapters: "Everyday Heroism," "Heroes Who Fight Fire," "Heroism of Women," "The Defenders of Thermopy- lae," and other articles treating of all the different phases of heroism. In Volume VI read "Finding Livingston," by Henry M. Stanley; "Arctic Perils," by Dr. Kane, and the closing chapters on " Arctic Exploration. " Volume IX contains several admirable biographies of heroic men and women: we commend especially those of "Christopher Columbus" and "General Gordon." In Volume XI there are any number of stirring poems that relate heroic incidents, such as "Incident of the French Camp," "Casabianca," "A Night with a Wolf," "Arnold Von Winkelried," and the stirring ballad — partly truth, partly fiction — that tells of the heroism of Barbara Frietchie. Xff^ t^^ v* HOME STUDY BOYS and girls— and their parents — should never forget that if they would live a full, useful, happy and success- ful life, they must do serious reading and actual study after their school days are over. Such reading and study, if vigorously CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 61 and persistently pursued, is more important in the development of capable, successful, and useful men and women, than the lessons and tasks of school-days. The writer knows well a successful man of high standing, about seventy years of age, who has been a member of Congress, was Chairman of the Board of Education of New York City for many years, and is the honored associate of its best citizens. Incidentally, he has made a large fortune in business. This man attended a small country school for less than five years. He had no other school or college training. He began actual work when he was "bound out" to a printer at the age of thirteen. His salary the first year was $30. He boarded with his employer and in the employer's home his washing and mending was done free. On the witness-stand a cross-examiner once said to him: " Mr where were you educated ? " He answered : " Partly in a district school." "But," said the lawyer, "where was your education completed?" "It is not completed; it is now in progress. It will continue so long as I live," responded this wise, successful man. Home study, and study at odd times, go far in accounting for his success. This brief story from real life illustrates the lesson we wish to impress on the boys and girls— and their parents. Benjamin Franklin, by such home study, rose from poverty and ignorance and became great as an author, philosopher, inventor, states- man, and diplomat — one of the three greatest Americans. In this connection it is unnecessary to mention such names as Abraham Lincoln, Elihu Burritt, Horace Greeley, and Thomas A. Edison. See their life-sketches in the Library, Volume IX. We commend most heartily studies taught at home by many Correspondence Schools. Through such home-correspondence instruction, thousands of people have increased their efficiency, their usefulness, and their income. For home study based on the Library, and intended for boys and girls and their parents, we commend the following articles: The careful reading of the three departments, "Why to 62 TH-H: MOTHERS' BOOK Study," "What to Study," "How to Study," in Volume X; and especially the following articles in this volume: "Why Men should Study Shakespeare," by Prof. C. A. Smith; "The Study of Poetry" and the "Study of the Novel," by Prof. F. H. Stoddard of the New York University; "How Shall we Learn to Think?" by Eliza Chester; "Home Study," by the late President Harper of Chicago University; and "The Art of Reading," by Hamilton Wright Mabie. If the boy or girl is interested in music or art, Volume XII will prove instructive and stimulating. Upward of one hundred and fifty songs are given therein together with articles on piano- playing and singing by Mark Hambourg and Madame Mar- chesi; the art section contains a succinct account of artists and their works which is liberally illustrated with reproductions of great paintings. c5* C?* «!?• V HONESTY AN honest man's the noblest work of God." This sentence was written by a famous English poet. Do you believe it ? Do you fully understand it ? Who wrote it? If it be true, then honesty must be a great and splendid quality. It must mean something more than financial honesty — -something more than the avoidance of cheating and the paying of debts. Boys and girls, will you not carefully consider the meaning of the word "honesty." Think about it and try to recall all you have read about it — then consult your dictionary for the definition of the word. You will find in the definition such words as "sincerity," "honor," "uprightness," "integrity." Honesty means all that is expressed by these words, and more. Perhaps we might profitably consider it along the following lines: First: The honest man or boy does not cheat. He pays all honest debts. He does not buy things unless he is sure he can pay for them. He practises economy and works faith- fully in order that he may cheat no one. CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 63 Second: The honest man or boy does not deceive. He doesn't make believe he is studying when he is not. He doesn't give to his teacher some other boy's solution of a problem pre- tending that it is his own. He doesn't tell his parents by words or by actions that he is studying faithfully when he is loafing or playing truant. It is possible for him to deceive his teachers and his parents, but if he does he is only laying the foundation for habits of indolence and deception that will retard or pre- vent his success when he becomes a man. An honest man in business or professional life does not deceive. He does not put ground gypsum in flour, or glucose in honey. He doesn't put the largest strawberries on the top of the basket to conceal the green or decaying ones at the bottom. He doesn't wear false plumage by preaching another's sermon or delivering another's speech as his own. He is true to himself and false to no man. Third: The honest boy is truthful. He neither tells a lie, nor acts a lie. He is upright in all his words and actions. He is not so mean as to impose on any one by a falsehood. He is above practising a cheat in word or deed. Truth he values more than money and neither bribes nor threats can make him depart from it. Fourth: The honest boy has a conscience and he follows this "inward light." That boy was honest who, when asked why he did not pocket some pears (for nobody was there to see), replied: "Yes, there was. I was there to see myself; and I do not intend ever to see myself do a dishonest thing." Fifth: The honest boy does not need watching. He studies a little harder and behaves a little better when the teacher is absent from the room than when she is present. He does conscientious work whether the "boss" is present or absent. He puts "high quality" into his work. He remembers not only that "the gods see everywhere" but "he is there to see." Such a boy, when he goes away from home, will not forget the teachings of his mother. Sixth: The honest boy keeps his promise to himself as well as to others. He doesn't deceive himself. If he does wrong he doesn't try to convince himself that he is doing right. If he 64 THE MOTHERS' BOOK resolves to do faithful work, he forces himself to make good his resolution. If he promises himself to take a certain amount of exercise, or to do a specific amount of studying, he does it though it be not a task imposed by parent or teacher. Thus, by force of will, he learns to be honest to himself and at the same time he is learning the great lesson of self-control. Hon- esty is always right and "honesty is the best policy." In this connection you might read again the little chapters in this volume on "Work" "Perseverance" and "The Gentle- man," and in the Library the following articles, stories, and poems contain lessons of honesty and faithfulness: "For a' That and a' That," Volume I; "Trial," and "Amendment," Volume III; "Reynard the Fox," Volume IV; and "Political Dishonesty," Volume VII. Several of the biographies of great men, like Washington and Lincoln in Volume IX, should be inspiring. ^* fe5* ^* HONOR* THIS is a large and important subject. It cannot be adequately discussed in a brief article. We shall give only a few suggestions and then attempt to blaze the way for your fuller consideration and investigation. First think of the word honor. Have you a clear idea of the meaning of the word ? Enlarge that idea by reading and re-reading the definition in a good dictionary. You will find that "honor" is related to a large family of great and good words, among which are honesty, character, love, respect, and courtesy. Now read the following questions and hints, but take them up for greater thought and consideration day by day, as you are pondering over this subject: What is honor? Should honor be cultivated? Does it help to make a strong character or a weak one? What is character? What is reputation? Which would you rather ♦Nearly all of this little essay was taken from an article by Jane Brownlee, an eminent and successful teacher, of Toledo, Ohio. CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 65 have, a fine reputation or a fine character? How can you build character? How can you develop honor in your home relations? How in school? Do you think you must work for honor, or will it develop easily and without effort on your part? Do you think the things in life really worth having are gained with or without striving? Do you think the attainment of honor is desirable? Does it pay in business relations? How hard are you willing to work that you may possess it? If you are "honor boys and girls" will you study when your teacher is absent from the school-room just as vigorously as when she is present? Will you carefully do work as requested by your mother when she is absent, the same as if she were present ? Will you faithfully study during the allotted time for prepara- tion of a certain lesson, or will you "dawdle" the time away? Let us look at this subject from another standpoint. Parents should remember, and children should be taught, that every manufactured article is produced at a cost of labor, time, and money, and should be used with care whether the article belongs to them or to another. If text books are furnished free of cost, pupils must understand that while free of cost to them, they are not so to the tax-payers, and they must show apprecia- tion by a desire to pass them on to their successors in good condition. Destructiveness in childhood is chiefly due to thoughtlessness, and unless corrected will lead to shiftlessness. Landlords might cease to be victims to a class of tenants who say: "We don't care anything about this house, you know; it is only rented," if children were given such teaching in school. Boys and girls, a true sense of honor will lead you to consider the rights of others, the proper conduct toward them. By "others" we mean parents, teachers, companions, servants, strangers, janitors, and everybody with whom you come in contact. But the space given to us for this article will permit us only to help you in considering how "honor boys and girls" will regard the rights of parents and teachers. What are the rights of parents ? To your love, courtesy and respect; to your ready and cheerful obedience; to your help- fulness, because every child should have some work to do in the home that would add to the comfort of all; to the care of 66 THE MOTHERS' BOOK your clothing that additional burdens may not be laid upon your parents. What are the rights of teachers? To your courtesy and respect; to your cheerful and ready obedience; to your co- operation to make the school the best possible; to expect honor and honesty in the preparation of daily work; to expect that you be punctual and regular in attendance; to pleasant, kind, obliging, helpful ways on your part. By such an attitude toward parents and teacher, the children are building character of the right sort and in the end will receive more than they give. "Honor" contains only five letters, but it is a great big word. Will you not think of it every day? Almost any of the stories of famous men and women in the Library demonstrate this principle. But we recommend to youthful readers the following: "Dorigen" in Volume III, and "The Judgment of Tamenund" in Volume IV, both ex- cellent tales; also "Tom's First Half -Year at Rugby" in the latter volume. For a supreme example of personal honor read "Scott in Adversity," in Volume VII. Memorize the words of "Polonius to Laertes," in Volume XI, and keep them ever in mind. One should be able to repeat "To Lucasta on Going to the Wars" in the same volume. ^* s^* t^w HUMOR PARENTS should cultivate the love of humor in their children. Encourage them in their attempts at wit and harmless nonsense. The attempt may be a very poor one from your standpoint, but still you should show hearty appreciation and encouragement. A sense of the ridiculous, a disposition to see the bright and amusing side of things will carry the boy over many rough places when he becomes a man. Help him all you can to start right in this respect. Give the children plenty of comic toys. Tell to them and read to them funny nursery rhymes and laughable little stories. CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 67 Show them comic pictures. Later on they should be encouraged to read and to tell humorous stories that they have read or heard. Story-telling by children helps amazingly in mental development. Remember always that good, honest, hearty laughter helps to cure physical and mental ills. It puts the mind as well as the body in a more wholesome condition. What a blessing in the home and in society is the man or woman who can easily be amused, who can amuse others, and whose sense of humor, like charity, "never fails." To the very little children read and tell the nursery rhymes and nursery tales in Volume I of the Library; among the latter we call particular attention to " Chicken-Licken, " "The Mouse and the Sausage," "Teeny Tiny," and "The Three Little Pigs." In the poetry divisions of that volume turn to "The Owl and the Pussy-Cat," "The Table and the Chair," "A Lobster Quadrille," and "Limericks." As the children grow older they will find plenty of fun in the "Fairy Tales and Laughter Stories" division of Volume I, especially "The Husband Who was to Mind the House," "The Musicians of Bremen," "The Three Sillies," "Hudden and Dudden and Donald O'Neary," and "The Story of Caliph Stork." In Volume II read "The Jellyfish and the Monkey," "Hiawatha," and "Robin Hood." One of the finest of all funny tales is "Don Quixote" in Volume III; then in Volume IV we have "A Mad Tea-Party," "Brother Rabbit's Cradle," and "Among the Lions of Algiers." Over one hundred pages in Volume X are given up to amusements — games, riddles, little plays, etc., and there is a "Fun and Laughter" division of poems in Volume XL Finally, in Volume XII are numerous nursery and non- sense songs. t^* fff^ tc^ IMAGINATION IMAGINATION is that power in the mind by which we are able to realize facts and comprehend ideas: it is creative thinking, or ideality. By its aid we reconstruct the 68 THE MOTHERS' BOOK pictures of memory, and, looking forward realize some new fact or thought or forecast. It is perhaps the most active and useful agent of the intellect, and is particularly free and vivid in young children, whose minds are uncrowded with impres- sions, who are looking at a new world with eager curiosity, and endeavoring to supply their lack of knowledge by structures of fancy. The difference between the bright, quick-witted child and the slow, stupid one usually lies in the greater or less activity of the imaginative faculty. It is easy to see what a very important part imagination must serve in acquiring knowledge, and how constantly it should be appealed to by parent and teacher in both study and discipline. No door opens to interest so broadly as through the imagination — the pleasing instrumentality of the picturesque; no entrance to the heart and moral feelings is so direct. The very means of instruction, whether spoken or written, demand its assistance, for the words we use are only symbols, representing mind- pictures, as anciently they did painted ones; and no one can fully understand ideas unless he can realize the thing for which each symbol-word stands. For these and other reasons, the young should cultivate their power of imagination, but control and train it by reason based upon facts. It was such control that made it possible for the great generalizations of science, such as those of Newton, Agassiz, and Darwin, to be formulated. Certain studies especially call for it — -geography and geometry, for examples. A morning walk across the country, with its display in miniature of mountains and valleys, its lakes and rivers, showing along their courses islands, capes, peninsulas, and so forth, will give a child a better idea of the terms in geography, and of the action of the elements in producing the landscape, than a long series of book-lessons. Reading becomes enjoyable and profitable in proportion as it stimulates and feeds the imagination with new facts and novel ideas. Here is the great value of museums to children. When, for instance, a boy or girl sees an actual war-chariot, such as that ancient one exhibited in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, how new and vivid are the pictures he is able to CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 69 make in his mind's eye of the scenes of Roman or Greek history — • of Achilles dragging Hector around the walls of Troy, or of the triumph of a general parading along the Imperial Way in Rome! How real are the deeds of the vikings, when one sees that old Norse ship in the Field Museum in Chicago! It is by imagination, based upon observation, that we extend our knowledge; and our little ones begin this process of self- education long before their games become a matter of skill and strength. The amusements of little children are, in fact, almost wholly imaginative. Their fancy ranges free from the trammels of self-consciousness or experience, and lets them surround themselves with delightful images, changing with the rapidity and inconstancy of a dream. Few materials are required. The same rag doll is now a boy, then a girl, or a young baby, or the mother of another poor little effigy, and each time the surroundings change in the child's fancy to fit the new personality, with the ease of a turned kaleidoscope. Children do not hesitate to transform playmates, or even themselves, into unrealities (real enough, however, to them); and little girls sometimes invent a purely imaginary playmate, give her a name, and for weeks together talk and play with her, reporting daily what she does, says, and thinks. Now out of these infantile fancies, enlarged and regulated by culture, come the songs of the poets, the compositions in music and the other arts, and the bold flights of science, in- vention, and commerce; so that it is a faculty well worth culti- vation. Imagination is, in truth, the mother of ambition and its success. By it the mind pictures the future and forces the results of energy and perseverance applied to a certain end. The goal and its rewards are vividly pictured, and also the difficulties which a brave man considers only long enough to defeat. Without imagination no creative work could ever be accomplished, or good cause advanced. Plainly, it is worth while to nourish such a well-spring of energy and bring it under control, for its best work is done in the harness of judgment and reason. Of course Volume I of the Library is a treasure-house of happy 70 THE MOTHERS' BOOK imagination, but we want to refer to a few special examples, such as "Cinderella," "Why the Bear Has a Stumpy Tail," "The Land of Counterpane," "The Unseen Playmate," "Puss in Boots," "The Land of Story-Books," and "The Hardy Tin Soldier." Every child should know these and their fellows. In Volume II we see wonderful imagination at work in stories like "Proserpina," "Baldur," "The Star-Lovers," "Perseus," "Siegfried," and other myths. Little folks will revel in "Gulliver's Travels," and "The Tempest," in Volume III, as works of great imaginative power. The same can be said for "Undine," "Rip Van Winkle," and "The Snow- Image" in Volume IV. And there is all of Volume XI, " Golden Hours with the Poets," and Volume XII, "Music and the Fine Arts," to enthrall the attention and quicken the ready imagina- tion of children old and young. f^> t^ %^ IIMITATION AND EMULATION PROBABLY the first act of the infant not wholly in- stinctive is imitative. At first it seems involuntary, like our disposition to yawn when we see another yawning^ but later, as it sees more distinctly, and gets stronger, it tries to copy the actions of others; and by this road learns to do, one by one, the little acts of its daily life. So it begins its education — 'Self- teaching. Soon it advances to the point where it shows that it takes pleasure in its attempts at imitation, and begins to try to do what it notices others doing, just to see whether it can. Imitation next rises from mere material things to manners, speech, and ideas. The faculty varies, of course, with the children, but in all it is the essential factor in early education, and one which should be carefully heeded. Observe that chil- dren brought up in a group of brothers and sisters are as a rule quicker and less troublesome than those alone in the family; and that a school is in general better for a youngster than a private tutor. Children learn from the people around them more than from books. Hence the need of guarding against CONDUCT AND CHARACTER-BUILDING 71 those "evil communications which corrupt good manners," The responsibility this places upon the parent is plain to be seen. It is of the utmost importance that the speech, the manners, the kindness, the personal and home- virtues generally, from which the child gets its first impressions and earliest habits, shall be of the best: in short, that the models it imitates so close- ly and indiscriminately shall be good. Fortunate, indeed, is the child whose parents do the right things before it, and offer examples that are worthy of emulation. Next in importance are the characters set before them in books. The world's greatest and noblest experiences have been pre- served to us in our best literature. Read to your children the accounts of the lives of the men and women you wish them to emulate. This will do more for them than all the sermons you can preach or the moral advice you can give. Plant in the hearts of the children the desire to be like the good and great, and encourage them daily with the thought that they are going to be good and great, and they will ** arrive" in time. In literature as in life children will find good examples to follow and evil ones to shun. It is an excellent plan for them after reading a story or poem, to tell what impressed them as worthy of emulation. Parents should utilize the references in this volume under the quality they desire to develop in their children^" Courage, " ''Ambition," "Generosity," etc., etc. Perhaps special attention might be given the talk on "Friend- ship." Senseless imitation may be found in "The Vain Jack- daw," "The Mouse and the Sausage," and "The Ass and the Watchdog" in Volume I, and a clever mimic is "The Pet Star- ling," Volume IV. That volume also contains Dr. Hale's entertaining tale, "My Double and How He Undid Me." ^* (,?• t3^ THE FOOD OF THE GROWING CHILD BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL IT may be taken for granted that every mother intends conscientiously to give her children wholesome food, but unluckily, we are not all of us certain to-day just what whole- DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 121 some food is. The discussions on food questions fill our daily papers, and books are written on vegetarianism, Fletcherism, and all the other "isms" till often we are bewildered. And yet there are some guides to help us. One of these is the certainty that plain food is decidedly more wholesome for chil- dren than that which is rich; another is that fruit, ripe, fresh or cooked, must also be good ; and a third is that no one child needs exactly what every other child needs. It is practically impossible that an entire family should have the same bill of fare, for what is wholesome for one adult may not be for another, and what an adult may eat with safety the stomach of a child cannot digest. This on the face of it compli- cates the housekeeping problem at once. But it pays to put one's best thought to the matter, and so plan out meals that the children shall have a generous, substantial diet which will not grow monotonous day after day, but will be always appetiz- ing and nourishing. Some things children are sure to thrive on: milk soups, boiled rice, soft-boiled eggs, whole-wheat bread, baked apples, custards, and stewed fruits; and these may serve as a sort of starting place. In addition to them there may be well-cooked cereals; some of them, oatmeal, particularly, strained of its tiny sharp points by passing it through a cheesecloth; others served as they are, but all cooked for a long time, never served after being simply warmed, or cooked only twenty minutes. Breakfast Dishes for Children. — These, with cream or milk, make a good beginning for a breakfast. When they pall on the appetite, stewed figs or dates may be added for a change, or scraped maple sugar given for a treat, though sugar on cereals as a rule must be denied. Eggs may follow the cereal, and a hot drink in winter, cocoa, or milk, or some simple cereal coffee, but never real coffee or tea till after the child has passed into adult life. Toast, or some- times corn-meal mush, lightly fried may also be given, but not grid- dle cakes or other hot bread, unless sparingly, once in a while. As to meat, broiled bacon is an excellent breakfast dish for chil- dren, but meat in general is better left off the bill of fare. With the cereal, eggs, and fresh cooked fruit, it will not be necessary. 122 THE MOTHERS' BOOK Luncheon and Dinner.— For the noon meal, the old plan was always to give a hearty dinner. Nowadays it is considered doubtful whether this is the best plan. Where a child comes in from school and eats hurriedly, the meat and vegetables and pudding are tolerably sure to be swallowed too hastily for prop- er digestion. It is usually better to give something simple and very nourishing, and reserve the heavier things for another hour. Strong meat soups with vegetables, split-pea puree, or corn soup made with rich milk, with baked potatoes, or rice, and perhaps a custard pudding, or fruit, will usually form a good luncheon for a child. Then, if he can have a hot meal at night, a broiled chop, or a bit of steak, or roast, chewed slowly, with simple vegetables and a plain pudding or more fruit again, this will be better for him to sleep on than the old-fashioned supper of bread and milk, which for the growing boy or girl is not enough. Of course heavy puddings or pies must not be given at night, or large slices of roasts with gravy, and richly made dishes; but a plain hot meal is better than a cold one for any child, provided he is sturdy, and old enough to have such things properly. The normal child will of course wish for sweets, and he must have them; if they are denied him at home the craving will induce his accepting them elsewhere, and probably in large quantities at times. He should have good, simple candy after a meal rather often; molasses bars, marshmallows, simple sweet chocolate and peanut brittle will not hurt him at the proper time and in a moderate quantity. The School Luncheon. — It is a pity that children need ever take luncheon to school, for too often the sandwiches and cake and other things are not at all what they really need. When this cannot be avoided, the mother must make a study of pos- sibilities, and try to give as nourishing food as possible. Whole wheat is better than white bread, but both may be used rather than one. Rich cake should be avoided, but ginger-snaps and sugar-cakes and little spice-cakes can take their place. Some- times a bottle of milk will be accepted, or a bottle of cocoa may be put in to be heated at school. Fruit may always be added DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 123 to the other things, and a delightful surprise in the shape of a half-dozen candies will help the rest of the food go down. There is nothing more wearisome than putting up school luncheons, unless it is eating them; but when the inevitable has to be met, it is wise to deal with it as intelligently as possible. Adapting the Diet to the Child. — Special children need special food, and one of the things a mother has to study is just what each child ought to have in its dietary. One child may be anemic, and this one must have milk and beef juice and the vegetables containing iron; another may be nervous, and need food containing phosphates; a third may have a tendency to tuberculosis, and he needs fatty foods, — cream and butter and oil. One may have poor teeth, and he must have foods with lime in them, and one may have nervous dyspepsia, and he must have things very easily assimilated. Of course such trouble ought not to be; yet there they are at times, and the facts must be met and dealt with. The reward for the mother's care in this respect is sure to come in after years, for with watchful feeding she can and will give all her children good, sound stomachs, and properly nourished bodies. A lack of variety in a child's diet is a fatal fault, for the best of foods becomes distasteful and fails to nourish if it appears too often on the table. A monotonous diet is really in the long run as bad as one that is unwholesome in itself. There must be constant change in the menus prepared for the family or else the hungry child will eat things between meals which are bad for him, or bolt the food on the table merely to get rid of it as quickly as possible. Curiously enough, the stomach fails to increase in strength if it is given simple food alone, when it has grown beyond that. A growing boy, fed only soft cereals and boiled eggs and custards, will in time develop dyspepsia, because he needs something better suited to him. After five years at least, hearty food is demanded; meats, vegetables and plain desserts must be added to the simple things, and if all is masticated properly it will be digested. Naturally in any family there will often be food on the table which the growing child must not have. Sometimes the denial may be only in part, and the mother may say, " We will 124 THE MOTHERS' BOOK save you some for to-morrow"; but sometimes the "no" must be final, and then the child must learn to give up cheerfully, be- cause he belives that as he grows older, he, too, may have what the rest have. Admonition as to Table Manmrs. — There should be just a word as to table manners. Rudeness even in a little child should never be countenanced, and though one may not be deft and tidy in early childhood, yet with care, even a small child may learn to be quiet and dainty at the table. Constant correction is decidedly unpleasant all around, but if one has to take a meal or two in the nursery because he has not behaved well at the general table for a day, an improvement will date from that moment. Certainly nothing can be more unpardon- able than careless table manners as one grows out cf childhood, and the conscientious mother must not fail to train her children, while they are still small enough to learn, that courtesy to others demands that they should observe the proprieties from the very first. ^* &?• t?* THE CHILD'S DRESS BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL AMERICAN extravagance nowhere so runs riot as in the way our children are clothed. Not even on the boule- vards of Paris does one see such beautifully dressed, and such extravagantly overdressed, little ones, as are met everywhere in the streets and parks of our cities. Our shop windows are full of exquisite bonnets of tulle and rose-buds for little heads, and tiny silk petticoats, embroidered gowns, white silk coats and a thousand other lovely, expensive, and foolish things. The very immigrants who land on our shores are infected, and it is no uncommon sight to see a mother in peasant costume with a shawl over her head, carrying a child in a dress of soiled white openwork, with a hat gay with fragile flowers — things un- dreamed of in her home. DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 125 Our common sense seems to vanish when we shop for our children. We rarely hesitate over a fashion, no matter how extreme it is; when large hats are in vogue, we buy the largest ones we can find for our little girls, or when Eton collars are spread out for small boys, we never wonder whether they will be comfortable or becoming, but at once take half a dozen home because they are to be worn by all the small boys in town. We are tempted by each new season to some fresh absurdity or new extravagance; we do not ask for the sensible thing any more, but only for the very latest. Comfortable Dress for Boys. — In dressing a little boy, at any rate, one cannot afford to dispense with the simple things he likes. There are always corduroys and tweeds to be had, and tam-o'-shanters, or some other easy sort of cap for his head, and shirt-waists, knickerbockers, and other things he approves of. Of course he must have a "best" suit, but at least it can be something not too conspicuous. The Little Lord Fauntleroy styles have gone out, forever let us hope, and velvet and lace and long curls are things of the past. White pique suits for very small boys and something equally good and simple for the older ones are far less exasperating to boyish feelings. Clothing for boys should certainly be comfortable, whether it is fashionable or not. A certain judge was recently asked, ''What is your most vivid recollection of your childhood?" "The seams in my trouser-legs," he ruefully answered. A boy's shoes should be large enough and of good shape, his collars well fitted, his suit neither too hea\y nor too light for the weather, and his sleeves long enough to look well. Fashion should have little or nothing to say to his everyday clothes, and the mother who demands that one season he shall wear leather leggings from hip to ankle and another that kilts and bare knees shall be the rule, makes a serious mistake. He should wear what he can play ball in with ease to his mind and body; some- thing which mud will not ruin, and fences will not too-easily tear. A boy suffers more from being over-dressed than a grown person sometimes guesses, and it is better to preserve his temper in good shape than his raiment. If sometimes, at church or a party or dancing school, he must be made uncomfortable by / 126 THE MOTHERS' BOOK having on clothes which he despises for being too good, at least on every-day occasions he should not be tormented by being unnecessarily fussed over. Tasteful Clothes for Little Girls. — Dressing a little girl, how- ever, is no such simple matter. Of course, first of all her cloth- ing must be healthful; warm enough, light enough, and not too tight anywhere for perfect ease; but quite aside from this, it '^ should be attractive. A girl's dress is a means of education to her, and her good taste in any direction in after life depends largely upon her being dressed appropriately and daintily in her early girlhood. This does not mean that her clothing need be expensive. It costs no more to buy a winter dress of soft, dull green and blue plaids, than one of scarlet and yellow, but the difference is vast on the mind of the child. Her ribbons of colors which harmonize with her gowTis are quite as easy to get as those in violent contrast with them. One girl whose mother always told her that nothing mattered in her clothing pro- vided it was whole and neat, and who wore dresses of hideous colors, sashes of rainbow hues, and ginghams with stripes where tucks had been let down, said when a woman, "I simply have no taste in dress; I blush to see myself in the glass to-day, and my mother did me an injustice when she let me grow up so indifferent to everything of the kind." Cultivating Good Taste. — A mother owes her child a duty in such ways. She should train her eye to see and enjoy beauti- ful colors and artistic cuts quite as much as she should teach her to be tidy and clean. It is not necessary to let a child become over-careful in such ways, or vain of her pretty things; if cloth- ing is not spoken of except incidentally, and good, appropriate things are chosen as a matter of course, she will simply accept them and her taste will be educated without her knowledge. There is far less harm in following this course than the other. A child becomes painfully self-conscious when she sees the differ- ence in her own dress and that of other children; if she is over- dressed and conspicuous in any way, she suffers from it. Loud colors and startling effects first give a child the effect of vul- garity and then, too often, make her vulgar. There is a dis- tinctly refining influence in quiet, well-chosen clothing. It DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 127 does not follow that such dressing is necessarily economical; it may be or it may not be. One can put more money in a sheer lawn trimmed with hand embroidery than in a dress covered with lace ruffles. But a child may be distinctly well dressed on a small sum; it is not the cost of the materials or work which makes them tasteful, but the choice of goods and cut. As to the ethics of dress, here too, one may well stop and consider. If it is immoral to put too much money in clothes, as it surely is, how about the time a mother often spends on making them? If her health suffers from long hours over the sewing machine, have her children any right to elaborate clothes? Should she sacrifice both time and money foolishly merely to stimulate their vanity or her own ? Certainly she has a duty to them in this respect. They must be taught that there are things more important than clothes, the health and time of their mother , and that these must not be sacrificed needlessly. It is better to wear a frock out of season than to have a mother sit up at night to get it done for some special occasion. Simplicity in Clothing. — Fortunately, as a solvent to these problems of dress comes in the new fashion of simxplicity for children. Even the very rich do not overload their little ones to-day as they did recently. One millionaire in showing his lovely new home to a friend opened a hall door on a playground where half a dozen children were making mud-pies and climbing fruit-trees, and all of them, boys and girls alike, were dressed in blue denim bloomers. The day of what has been well called "the white plague," is rapidly going, let us hope. Nothing could be more painful to a lover of children than to see them all dressed in snowy coats, dresses and hats, forbidden to run or play lest they tumble or soil their spotless clothes. One of the signs of good breeding is an absolute unconscious- ness of what one has on. If a boy or girl habitually wears simple, but appropriate clothing to school or play or church, and if litde or nothing is said about it, this sign should not be lacking in later years. To be dressed with due regard to the prevailing fashion but never with regard to its extremes; to be simply, comfortably, prettily gowned, in good taste if not in costly materi- als, is to grow up without that intense interest in clothes which 128 THE MOTHERS' BOOK we deprecate in so many to-day. To be over-dressed Is never to be well dressed, and to teach one's children how to follow the golden mean of good taste is well worth the thought of mothers. e^* t5* (t?* THE CHILD'S ROOM BY CAROLESTE BENEDICT BURRELL AS soon as the child is old enough to leave the nursery it should, if it is a possible thing, have a room to itself. It is infinitely soothing to the nerves to have the peace and quiet of an unshared sleeping place, to have bureau drawers and closet all to oneself, and to have untouched places for one's own best- loved belongings. This may tend to selfishness, possibly, but that must be counteracted in some other way. Of course with a large number of children this ideal of the separate room may not be possible; but at least two children can always have sepa- rate beds, and a certain amount of space kept sacredly for each in closet and bureaus; so much each has a right to have. Children's Roojns Should be Attractive. — It is not necessary that much money should be spent to give a child an attractive room; but it is really necessary that it should be one that is pretty and appropriate to his needs if he is to remember his home with affection. The old idea too many parents had that "anything will do for the children's rooms," is not to be men- tioned to-day. Anything will do better for any other room in the house than the room the children so soon grow out of and away from forever. There should be a plain floor-covering first of all; this may be a matting, or a surface of brown stain with a rug over it,, but no worn out, flimsy carpet should be tolerated. It is easy enough to paint or stain the floor, and a hit-or-miss rag rug will do excellently if there is nothing better to lay down. Then as to furniture, by all means have narrow white iron beds if possible, not wooden ones. A coat of white paint can be put on whenever it is needed, and so they will always be fresh and DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 129 attractive. If a boy prefers a couch with a cover, then have it look as neat as may be, not spread up with unaired blankets day after day, but made up as a bed should be, with the cover laid on in the daytime only. The wall-paper should be appropriate to the room. If it is one with a cold, north outlook, never choose a blue paper, or one of pale green, but get a red or pink, or striped or flowered paper. For a girl's room a white ground covered with bright, good sized roses is always pretty; a boy will probably prefer a soft hunter's green, or an Indian red, and a plain, inexpensive cartridge paper is a good choice in this. Furniture and Conveniences. — The chairs in the room should be substantial, not fragile; old ones which have been set away, often may be painted white to match the bed and used again, especially if their seats are upholstered in a gay cretonne. A strong wicker chair of plain design is a delight, and for a boy, a hea\y wooden rocker which will suffer all things without giving way, may be bought and painted to match the rest of the room. As to curtains, fresh air, especially at night, is a prime neces- sity in any bedroom, so they should not be heavy or too good; dotted Swiss makes good curtains, as they can be taken down and washed often. Over these chintz may hang in straight lines at either side of the window without keeping out the air, and with a plain paper nothing could be prettier. In some corner of the room there should certainly be what we call a shirt-waist box; that is, a strong, prettily covered box of medium size, which can hold blouses or shirts or other starched things without crushing them, and in addition can be used as a seat. Often these boxes are put in the window, but as rain is pretty sure sometimes to find its way in at night and ruin them, a corner of the room is a better place. The bureau in a child's room should not be ornate, but plain, yet it may be painted white and have a pretty cover of chint? or muslin, and a good glass. As a girl grows older it will be time enough to get a dressing-table for her; but a chest of drawers, not too high, with a plainly framed mirror over it, makes a delightful substitute, either for this or for a bureau. The washstand should never be set out with cracked or mis- 130 THE MOTHERS' BOOK mated china, but a simple, attractive set should be used, other- wise the delight in the room is at once spoiled for the child. One of the things which is most prized and remembered is a light, dainty bowl and pitcher, with a colored pattern matching the room. A set with rosebuds for a girl's pink room will never be treated carelessly. Books and Pictures. — A little writing desk, or a small table fitted out with writing materials, is a constant joy to either a boy or girl; a couple of coats of white paint will make almost anything look well, and a big sheet of blotting-paper of the tint of the walls, a plain glass inkstand and some inexpensive paper and envelopes will be a real delight. Over this desk may be a book-shelf; a long board fastened to the wall and painted white is good; or there may be a small book-case; but certainly there should be one or the other, to hold the child's own books, those he loves and reads again and again, and adds to from year to year. As to pictures, there need not be many, nor need they be costly, but for the sake of educating the child's taste they should be good ones. A girl will like a Madonna, an Italian peasant, a soft brown photograph of some lovely cathedral or city street. A boy will enjoy a Sir Launfal, some of Landseer's dogs, or a good picture of a harbor full of boats. Privacy Guaranteed. — In one corner of the room there should be a curtained book-case with shelves, kept for a child's own personal belongings; a boy's collections of abandoned birds' nests, butterflies or stones; or dolls and dresses, or whatever a girl treasures most. This should be sacredly kept, untouched by older hands. Besides this, there should be space if pos- sible for anything of especial value which the owner wants to have near by; perhaps a turning lathe, or a doll's bed, or what- ever seems most precious at the time; these will be outgrown and replaced by other things, but they should be kept in the child's own room, if there is where they are wanted, to give a delightful sense of proprietorship. On Saturday mornings both a boy and a girl should devote as much time as necessary to putting the room to rights. Some one else may perhaps sweep it, and wash the windows and do DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 131 such things, but the owner should be responsible for the order of the closet and bureau drawers, the dusting, the arranging and general care; nothing so trains a child to keep a room neat day by day as the knowledge that half a Saturday may have to be spent in setting it all to rights if it is neglected during the week. There should be one word said on another side of this ques- tion; that is, the respect the members of a family should have toward a child's room. Too often it is used by this or that one, perhaps to sew in, or to write in, when any other would do as well, and so the child loses that complete ownership which means so much to him. The right a child has to have its own room to itself is one not to be held lightly by the rest of the circle. ^* ^* t^w THE CHILD'S PLAY AND PLAYMATES BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL AS the old man looks back on his boyhood, what stories does he tell? Not those of his struggles with the Rule of Three, nor of his early work on the farm or in the shop, but of the day he ran away from school and went fishing, or of his first glimpse of the circus; just as the white-haired grandmother tells the children at her knee of the games the girls played at the noon recess rather than of the patch-work she sewed at home. The plays and playmates of our youth leave ineffaceable memo- ries. Our children's first contact with their fellow-beings molds their characters; this makes their associations and amusements of the deepest importance. Self- amusement the Best. — As the little ones emerge from babyhood, leaving their rubber dolls and blocks on the nursery floor, we are apt to give them, as substitutes, playthings that are valueless. A rich man recently built a magnificent home. One floor was an immense play-room for his five children, fitted up with every elaborate device for their entertainment, from a miniature steam-railway to a doll's house complete in its minu- test detail, besides every mechanical toy to be purchased. The 132 THE MOTHERS' BOOK children were first bewildered, then enchanted, then bored. Having seen the engine revolve on its iron track, and rear- ranged the furniture of the doll's house, and wound up the auto- matic toys, the children turned away and said, " Let's play some- thing!" There is the key to the question of a child's amusement: let it exercise its imagination and its ingenuity. How satisfac- tory it is to make a doll's house from a soap box, to cut real windows and drape them with bits of muslin, and to manufac- ture pasteboard furniture only that child can tell who has spent long, delightful days over it. The joy of whittling out a boat and rigging its sails far exceeds that a boy can feel who merely owns a boat that has been bought. To make dolls' dresses is better fun than to dress a doll in those already made. Labo- riously to construct a kaleidoscope is more interesting than to turn round and round one purchased in a shop. Give a boy a tool-box, a scroll-saw, a turning-lathe, and teach him to use them; give a girl a stove which will really cook, and some little kettles and pans, and you have supplied them with endless sources of delight. To construct is the joy of the growing mind. It matters little if the results are crude or meager, the pleasure is as genuine as though one had painted pictures like Raphael's, or composed nocturnes like Chopin's. As the children grow older a whole vista of intellectual plays opens before them. To own a printing-press in common is an excellent thing. Paper money and cheques can be printed with which, with a little instruction, banks may be managed. A real- estate business may be conducted with hall lots and parlor building-sites advertised on posters; or, if these plays become too engrossing, and too serious an interest be shown in the amassing of fortunes, a story-book may be collaborated first, and then printed. Such a souvenir of childish companionship would be cherished most dearly in later years. The reading of "Little Women" will suggest the delights of a weekly newspaper patterned after the one the March sisters conducted so ably. There are endless uses to which one may put a small font of type; its very possession is inspiring. By all means let boys and girls share their plays as far as DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 133 possible. Brothers are too apt to feel that there are only a few pleasures that their sisters may have with them, when, rather, there are only a few which they may not. It is an important part of the education of boys and girls that they play t^ogether. Their differences of temperament and training are invaluable by way of exchange. When other games grow monotonous there is that Twenty Questions, which can be made to turn on any subject from Mother Goose to history or zoology. This is really a most useful guide to knowledge, and interesting even to children of a larger growth. Contrasted with these plays, which are all for the house, are athletic and out-of-door sports of all sorts, but these need no suggestions. Baseball and hoop-rolling and wheeling and skating are all to be commended for the sake of fresh air and exercise, and a large proportion of a child's time should be spent over them. Nevertheless, the plays which train the mind should not be overlooked. The combination of the two kinds of amusements, physical and mental, is found in the "shows" all children love. The boys' circus, the girls' dramat- ic performance of "Cinderella," the minstrels — these must not be forgotten. No home should be too nice to be used, es- pecially if there are children in it. Better have your boy give a circus in your attic, or even in your dining-room, than in your neighbor's. Lend them your wardrobe and be their audience. Only see to it that pertness and love of display do not become too flagrant, and that no one child always takes the lead. The Question of Playmates. — This bringing of other children into the family circle suggests the whole question of playmates. With whom shall our children play? With the children of our social equals only? With those children alone whom we consider good? Or with the children of the neighborhood re- gardless of character and social conditions? If one is to choose a home, the question of the children's social environment should always be considered. To buy a house and then forbid your child to play with the other children in the vicinity is asking too much of him. Choose carefully, if you have the opportunity of choice. If you have not, but must bring up your children 134 THE MOTHERS' BOOK where you happen to live, then a consistent line of conduct should be decided upon with regard to their playmates. The Neighbors' Children. — The first thing is to know them, and to do this you must see them in your owti home. Ask them over on long rainy days and study them; invite them to a meal now and then; listen to what your child quotes from them. It is well to be on good terms with all of them, and let them feel welcome in your home. You will find, undoubtedly, something in each child v/hich you do not like, as other parents see things they dislike in yours. But since you cannot provide your boy or girl with angelic companionship here below, you must accept 'heir little human companions as they are. Possibly, once in a lifetime, you will find a really bad child whom you must forbid the house, but ordinarily you will find other children much like your own. One must expect their little faults and do one's best to counteract them. When necessary, speak of their short- comings frankly, and warn your child against them, but always make out as good a case as possible for the neighbors. We should be on our guard against the tendency to cultivate friendship for the sake of externals. If your child is inclined to dwell on the fact that its small friend has a beautiful home, or an abundance of pocket-money, or noticeably fine clothes, always throw the emphasis where it belongs by inquiring as to its temper, its generosity, or its standing in school. Let your child see clearly that morals, mind, and manners are the really important things. If your social afliliations do not belie your teachings, you will find his character influenced for a lifetime in this way. Having done your best to lay down principles of conduct for your boy and girl, let them associate freely with other children. They can learn to live only by living. You cannot always be on the watch. It is a mistake to coddle children too much; they must learn to accept the brunt of things and manage for them- selves. Listen to all they ha\'e to say, but train them to arrange their own affairs without unnecessary tale-bearing. Quarrels doubdess will come. The boys will fight sometimes, and the girls take their dolls and come home pouting, and then all the parent can do is to try to be not only fair, but magnanimous. DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 135 Point out the other child's position, and show that both are probably in the ^vrong, Above all, discourage grudges. In- culcate self-control and that spirit of generosity in dealing with others which will avoid disputes. Children get more moral training from their contact with^, other children than from almost any other source. This is their real life, their life of intense feeling and action, and for this rea- son parents should take their children's plays and playmates intelligently and seriously. We must teach our boys and girls alike that there may be evil in the words and ways of other children, and they must be pure; that there may be cowardice, and they must be brave; that there may be cruelty and selfishness and they must be kind and generous; that is our only safety from harm. We must also teach them that there is nobility in their playmates which they must strive to copy; to train them to be broad-minded and good. ^^v %^^ %S^ THE CHILD'S HOME BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL WHAT a child shall become depends largely, almost entire- ly, upon the atmosphere of its home. Environment, not heredity or temperament, in the long run settles the disposition and character. For this reason it is not enough to give a child a home of comfort alone; it is far more important to give him one which will develop the best in him. It is the mother more than the father who sets the keynote of family life. She is there when the father is necessarily away; usually, too, it is she who decides the small matters of training, and it is her disposition which determines whether the home shall be gay or sober, full of the dull spirit of work, or bright with the air of interest and amusement. That it is difficult for an over-worked mother — and what mother of small children is not over- worked ? — to maintain the highest ideals of personal conduct for herself and her family, there can be not the smallest y 136 THE MOTHERS' BOOK doubt; but that this responsibility is hers must be admitted. Cheerfulness a Rule. — One mother said recently in a maga- zine article that if she were to begin over again her family life she would make its spirit that of deliberate cheerfulness. The phrase exactly describes the best possible atmosphere of a home; parents must not be guided by their feelings, the moods in- duced by cares and anxieties, but must deliberately, conscien- tiously be cheerful, if they are to have their children grow up with the light- hear tedness youth should know. This does not mean that parents should keep from their children all knowledge of care, nor that the mother should spare them their rightful share of the burdens of the family. On the contrary, as they grow older they should be taken into the family councils and told of the money anxieties which may be pressing, that they may grow thoughtful and careful of their own ex- penses; and by all means they should bear their part in the work of the home; to save them these things would make them selfish; but the whole tone of the home life, in spite of them, should be bright. If the father is worried, so much the more reason when he comes home at night to make him happy; if the mother is tired, then by all means let everything be bright to cheer her. Even sorrow itself should not be allowed to darken the spirit of home life, but bereavement should be borne so bravely that the air of quiet happiness should in some degree still exist. Children Should Share Household Work. — The division of the work of a household should begin while the children are still very small. Even a five-year-old with a tiny dust-cloth can rub the rungs of the chairs, and will really enjoy feeling he is of use; and from that age on, there are plenty of light tasks which any child can do. A boy's own room is to be kept in order; kindling-wood, perhaps, brought in in little bundles suitable to his strength, or waste-paper baskets emptied; a girl can begin to rub the silver with a bit of chamois and some polish when she is only a little thing, and she will love to do it, especially if mother helps too. As to making beds and straightening rooms, she can be a perfect little maid before she is twelve, and never once feel herself abused because a trifle of housework DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 137 is expected of her daily. On the contrary, she will grow more and more to enjoy the home she helps keep clean and orderly. It is one of the greatest mistakes that a mother can make, to excuse her children from helping her in her daily tasks; nothing makes them grow up so hard, so bent on pleasure, as to let them have all the easy times while their mother takes the burdens on her own shoulders and spares them. It is a cruel wrong to any child to let it know nothing of personal service in the, home. But to have the tasks done willingly, and so as to be enjoyed, the mother must treat them as though they were light and easy by being cheerful herself in doing them, and so make them seem half play. Pleasures at Home. — The ideal home is one where a child's friends are welcome. When the small children come in to play in the nursery, it means a great deal if the mother gives the visitors a cordial greeting, and if in addition she has always some clever ideas as to ways of amusing them. A tea-party is a joy for girls; an improvised circus for boys; a candy-pull for both to- gether; all these things make children feel that their home is the nicest place on earth, and look with pity on other children who are restricted when their visitors come. It is worth while to have the house upset for an afternoon to receive the reward of a grateful hug at the end and the exclamation, " Oh, we do have such a good time here!" It was Holmes who once said that his mother had a fixed rule that before going anywhere else after school he must come home, and it was only when he grew up that he understood that it was because she wanted to keep him there that she made it; she always had gingerbread ready for him and his friends, and when they had eaten it they decided to stay where they were rather than look farther for a good time. Such a clever bribe as gingerbread or its equivalent, makes a boy love to bring his friends to his house, and creates in him the p^ide of home which later will hold him strongly. Perhaps the most important thing next to unselfishness which home life must teach, is the habit of courtesy, and here the mother and father, must set an example, perhaps the father more than the mother. If he habitually addresses his wife with politeness and gives her a chair when she comes into the 138 THE MOTHERS' BOOK room, opens the door for her, lifts the heavy bundles, helps her in a thousand ways, the boys accept such things as a. matter of course, and before they guess it, they have learned that impor- tant lesson of carefulness and thoughtfulness for those weaker than themselves. Saying ''please" to a child, and "thank you," and "Won't you help me do this? "and all the litde cour- tesies of daily intercourse, must be as natural as breathing to both parents if they desire to have their children gentle and considerate. Courtesy and Forbearance. — But in addition to these things, there should be a fixed rule in a family that no squabbling is to be tolerated. The child who begins to "talk back" to the other children and generally becomes quarrelsome, should be quietly put by himself, as temporarily unfit to associate with his fellows. It is true that children, like all young, growing things, naturally struggle and push and squabble; even birds in their little nests do not always agree, the poet to the contrary notwithstanding. But if the atmosphere of the home is dis- tinctly against all such things, and if they are quiedy suppressed, generally the children soon learn that politeness is expected as a matter of course, and they fall in with the idea. One thing a mother who sets for herself the ideal of cheer- fulness in home life will learn at the start is that too much correction must be avoided. Helen Hunt Jackson, in her wise litde book "Bits of Talk About Home Matters," said that a child must never be corrected in public; even at the table, no matter how objectionable he might become, he must be rea- soned with not at the time, but later. That standard is a high one, one perhaps not always to be followed out in practical life, but still it is something to try to live up to. A child will often forget his promises made when talked to privately and do over again exactly what he has been told not to, but in the long run he will learn; meanwhile, the home is freed from the tone of admonition, which is infinitely irksome. Family Joys in Common. — The busiest family can always arrange to have a little time together if only they plan for it, and this is one of the delightful things to remember when the home circle breaks up. A half-hour for reading aloud is DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 139 not much, but it is a joy to recall; a summer tea in the woods, a row on the river, an excursion to town, anything whatever, if it is only done as a family, serves to bind the members together and to let love deepen. The esprit de corps of family life is too rare, too precious to be missed. A certain mother of eight children, living in a small house with a tiny income, determined to give her children a beautiful home. The cares were shared with gaiety; their friends were welcomed at any hour with overflowing hospitality; their evenings were spent in reading together, or playing games, or singing; nothing was hard, because all were happy and light-hearted with their gay mother. Sorrows came and the family circle was broken, but they drew their chairs closer to- gether; one and another went out into the world, but came back so often that there was perpetual holiday; the shabby little house was never too small for children and grandchildren to be together. It was all done because the mother determined at the start to be resolutely cheerful and to make every one else cheerful, and that home was heaven on earth to all who knew it. ^* (,?* ^* THE CHILD'S SCHOOL BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL THE child who can step straight from the nursery into that paradise, the kindergarten, tinds itself ideally cared for and blissfully happy, in its quiet, sunny rooms, with flowers and birds and stories and plays. Courtesy, unselfishness, and love are well taught, a love of music is cultivated, a sense of order and exactness are inculcated and the powers of observation trained; could one ask for a better start on the way to a perfect education ? The Home and the Kindergarten. — Yet sometimes it is difficult for the mother to keep up at home the standard set at the kindergarten; there the teacher has the child rested by a night's sleep, stimulated by childish companionship, awed 140 THE MOTHERS' BOOK into good behavior by the presence of other children, and entertained by constant devices. The mother receives it back into her home when reaction has set in, sometimes with severity. It is tired and relaxed, too often cross, and bored because it is no longer amused with deliberate purpose; and so the home \ suffers in comparison with the little school. It is because such things as these often prejudice parents against the kindergar- ten that a mother should be the connecting link between the two. She should go there often, see that the room is not overheated, that the little eyes are not strained by sewing or pricking, and that the child is not overtired by too many exercises; at the same time she can learn how to amuse her child at home, and how to govern him in the moods of wilfulness which the teacher must encounter. It is as this connecting link that a parent must always stand between the child and any school. Many children never go to a kindergarten at all, but begin at once at the primary. It is not enough to pass him on from one grade to another and trust that all will be well. The father or the mother or both— and preferably both — must be in close touch with him in every step of the way. Public vs. Private School. — At the outset comes the decision whether he is to go to a public or private school, and in different places schools differ so that each must be studied before a wise decision can be reached. For boys, the discipline of a public school is usually excellent. The spirit of democracy exists; the necessity for prompt obedience; the inability to be excused readily for tardiness or unprepared lessons; the general rigidity of the rules, all tend to make him prompt and exact, and teach him to get on with others. The text-books, too, are good, and the teaching exact and thorough. But sometimes a school is unsanitary, especially in a small town; it may be unventilated, or the basement and dressing- rooms unclean; or the children, for one reason or another, kept back behind those in other schools. Such conditions should be studied by a parent, and he should be absolutely sure that the school is the best one for his boy. For a girl, sometimes a public school is the worst possible place. There may be a school-room so overcrowded that DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 141 three children must sit in seats intended for two; there may be h'ght which is insufficient for eyes not strong; some sensitive child may find a particular teacher so unsympathetic that she cannot do herself justice in recitation. Or, she may have to associate with girls of rough families who do her no good. On the other hand, she may find a public school where her own friends go, and where the conditions are all sanitary and whole- some, physically and morally. It is impossible to generalize; but no school should be blindly accepted without any parental investigation. But the private school may not solve the problem of difficulty. Too often such schools teach but superficially, and the simple, plain rudiments of an education are overlooked. Generally there are plenty of teachers for the number of pupils, and greater individual attention is given than in the public school; but on the other hand, tardiness, carelessness in preparation, and other shortcomings are too easily excused, and marks and reports are apt to be far too flattering. These things offset in some degree the better ventilation and quietness secured by having the smaller numbers of pupils. There must be a constant watching by the parent of all details of either school. If a mother frequently and strenuously complains to a principal of a large public school of the sanitation, it is certain that in time she will carry her point and the evil be redressed. Or, if in the small private school she insists that tardiness must not be overlooked, or lessons glided over super- ficially, these defects, too, will be remedied. There exist in some cities clubs made up of parents and / teachers which insure the very best things for a school. There are meetings for free discussion, papers on the relations between the home and school and kindred subjects, entertainments, the proceeds of which are used to beautify the buildings with pictures and casts; they are the best means to the end of the perfect school, and in any town, large or small, such clubs may be founded. Home Study. — Home work is one of the evils a parent has to meet all through a child's life. It is a pity that a small child should ever have to know its meaning, for after six hours in 142 THE MOTHERS' BOOK school, or even less, the rest of the day should be spent out of doors, or at home, playing. Where it must be faced, then at least the mother should see that the work is reduced to a mini- mum, and done under the most favorable conditions. No child should study after it has had its evening meal and is sleepy, and no child should come directly home to go to work after school hours. The best plan is to let him have a good play in the fresh air and then study just before supper in some quiet place where he will be undisturbed; by concentrating his attention he can accomplish twice as much in a short time as when half a dozen others are in the room. Next to sending the boy or girl to a good school, the greatest thing a parent can do for them is to see that they learn to study their lessons at home in the best possible way. Too many children spend twice, three times, as much time as necessary over home work, because they do it when sleepy, and in a dawdling, desultory way, knowing that they will be permitted to sit up till the lessons are pronounced finished. If only so much time was allowed for them, and that set apart at a time when their minds were fresh, and if when bed- time came they had to leave their books at once, they would soon learn to do their work promptly and so more faithfully. Help in School-Work. — The best help a parent can give a child in its work is to know his teachers, to invite them to the house, and talk the children over with them. This does away with what is a morbid idea on the part of so many, parents and children alike — that some teacher is unfair, or has a prej- udice, and that the child suffers for it. Free interchange of ideas between parents and teachers gives a fine, strong working basis, and advance is far more certain than when both are in the dark as to the way the child is being dealt with on one side or the other. Next to this, the best help is to show a deep interest at home in what is done in school, both in lessons and sport. If a mother really likes to hear how Columbus discovered America, she is planting a love of history in her child's mind; and if a father goes to the football match, he gets his boy's confidence about other things than are learned in books. Nothing takes the place of this personal parental touch. At the same time parents should be careful not to stimulate DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 143 personal vanity by foolish praise of school-work; nothing is pleasanter for a child than to consider itself a prodigy, and nothing easier. Fidelity to work, rather than achievement, is what should be praised, and a prize for good behavior should be quite as well thought of as one for algebra. A word of appreciation for good work is better than constant reiteration that a child has a wonderful mind. To get along with the other children, to study faithfully and stand well, to be able to play as well as work — these are the beginnings of education. ^* <5* t^w THE CHILD'S READING BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL THE modern mother is nothing if not systematic. Her child's hours, its food, and its studies are all carefully planned to the smallest detail, yet when it comes to its reading she is told by some authorities that she should let the child itself take the lead. Not "what must children read," but "what ^ will they read," is the question. A child should develop along its own lines as far as possible. To destroy its individuality, if that could be done, would be the greatest possible wrong. We can only look on, see the bent of the childish mind and, not by antagonizing it, but by training it, secure the best results. This is true of its reading more than of anything else. What is mental pabulum for one is husks for another. Juvenile Books Plentiful. — The child is initiated into litera- ture by way of "Mother Goose," "Red Riding-Hood," "The Three Bears," and "Cinderella," and naturally its imagi- nation develops first. It demands stories — fairy stories prefer- /• ably. Luckily for it, we have more to-day than ever before, and better ones. Andersen's and Grimm's are the simplest, then come Lang's "Red," "Blue," and "Green" books of the wonder-stories of all countries. These lead up to "Ahce in Wonderland," "The Water Babies," and the stories by "Uncle Remus. " 144 THE MOTHERS' BOOK About this time the child's desire to investigate will make it desirous to know more about nature. Never were children so happy in their opportunities for this study as to-day. Our book-shelves are crowded with volumes each more delightful than the last. There is the series of stories for the smallest children, called "Feathers, Furs, and Fins"; there are those fascinating volumes, "Wild Animals I have Known," "The Red Animal Book," "The Jungle Tales," and those charming com- panion volumes, "Among the Forest People" and "Among the Meadow People"; there are "The Bee People" and its sequel, and there are numberless books on birds. All of these are valuable, and the more of them children read the better. After this the child will want books about other children — story-books; and good ones of this sort are not too easy to find. They are in the book-stores, but side by side with others that are sentimental, or too pathetic, or simply trashy. The only way to choose is to read for yourself before buying. Do not fill your child's mind with rubbish. Know your author; see that the style is good, the matter simple and wholesome. It is a safe rule to reject nine books before taking the tenth. Instructive Interest of the Classic Tales. — It will be found that the famous stories are the best after all. "King Arthur" will hold the attention for a long period. The love for stories of adventure will become more pronounced after this is read, and then may come "Robinson Crusoe" and Church's "Stories from Homer and Virgil." In connection with these last two there may be some reading of mythology, beginning with ^sop's "Fables" and Hawthorne's "Wonder-Book." The simplified forms of the "Nibelungenlied" may follow these, and the stories from Norse folk-lore. There will certainly be a call for stories about fighting, at this point, and the mother in grati- fying it may quietly introduce a little history. The tales of the Crusades and the life of Robin Hood and his "merrie men" will give a glimpse of England under Richard Coeur de Lion and John, and explain Magna Charta. After this the story of Raleigh and his adventures in South America will give interest to the beginnings of our own history. Nothing could be more fascinating than the exploits of Drake, of La Salle, and of DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 145 Marquette, and the experiences of the early colonists. The French and Indian War is full of romantic incident, and so is the Revolution, from the Boston Tea-party to the treason of Arnold and the surrender of Cornwallis. There are any number of delightful books for children on all these subjects. The desire to know more of individual heroes will open the subject of biography, and the lives of Washington and Putnam, and after these the lives of Napoleon and Wellington, and those of the heroes of the War of 1812, may be read. The Henty books will be enjoyed along this line. Of course children will be interested in Indians. They will learn of Massasoit, Pocahontas, and Black Hawk in the course of their reading of history, and a little later they will delight in Cooper's novels. We know now that his might be called "wooden Indians" and are far from being true to life; never- theless they will serve. The real Indian will be found in Park- man's " Oregon Trail. " Romance and Poetry. — Probably before this your child will have been introduced to Shakespeare, either direcdy or by way of the "Tales" by Charles and Mary Lamb. How early children should read Shakespeare is often discussed, but it is to be settled by the children themselves; they should read him just as early as they will. In that exquisite book "Captain January," the minister gives the old captain a Bible, a dic- tionary, and Shakespeare, as comprising a complete curriculum for little Starlight. If there is evil in Shakespeare, there is none which will contaminate a child's mind, and there is a wealth of good to bless it. It is scarcely necessary to say that the Bible should be read, whether perfectly understood or not. Its stately measures, its stirring stories, its wealth of imagery and beauty will be a means of education quite apart from its sacred value. With the Bible should be given "Pilgrim's Progress," which will be a real delight to the imaginative child, especially in some of the newer editions with their artistic illustrations. It is said that Lincoln's wonderful use of English came from reading over and over his little library of five volumes, two of which were the Bible and "Pilgrim's Progress." The love of poetry varies greatly in children. Many wish 146 THE MOTHERS' BOOK to hear it read simply for its rhythmic sound, while others will not listen to it at all. One mother recently said that she read to her five-year-old boy the whole of " Paradise Lost" and Pope's translations of the "Iliad" and the "Odyssey." Naturally enough, perhaps, she considered that she had a genius to train, whereas really the child's ear alone, and not his mind, was at- tracted. But without inquiring too closely into the reason why children listen to poetry, we should seize the earliest oppor- tunity to teach them some of the best. Macaulay's "Lays of Ancient Rome" will appeal to all, as will the martial bits from "Marmion" and "The Lady of the Lake." There are the famous old English ballads and the stirring songs of the Cava- liers; "Hiawatha" and parts of "Evangeline" are delightful; so are " Sir Launfal" and the " Idylls of the King." Guard a child sedulously against everything sensational and vulgar; give it books which are the best of their kind, books of real worth, and its taste is already trained. There is a word to be said in favor of teaching children to read aloud. It not only impresses upon them what they are reading, but it cultivates a habit which is capable of giving much pleasure to others. It also enables the parent who listens to correct a mispronunciation or give some explanation, and make it certain that the child's reading is intelligent. A word of warning may be given against letting children read too rapidly. When books are drawn from a public library they are apt to be devoured — "skipped" through half comprehended. If it is understood that only one book, or at the most two, may be drawn during a week, they will be read carefully and perhaps twice over. Instead of buying a whole library of books for children or depending on the local public library to supply them, it is a good idea to buy one of the best collections of literature for children, such as our Library, which in its twelve volumes has the choicest stories and poems, exactly what they need. There they will find selections from "Robinson Crusoe," "Uncle Remus," "Alice in Wonderland," fairy tales from the best sources, stories of natural history, of animals, birds, and bees, and much delightful poetry. With a quantity of such things as these always at hand, DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 147 a child acquires a love of good literature and a taste for it before he knows it. The Love of Books. — While the public library is an inesti- mable blessing, it should never be used to furnish the whole of a child's reading. Children should own their books as far as possible, and learn to treat them with respect. A bookcase should belong to them alone, which they will take pride in filling. As they grow older the volumes they prize at first may be hidden away and their places filled with others, but every book should be valued. Let their birthday and Christmas presents consist largely of books which have more than temporary worth. If a child loves its books it will not wish to lend them, and at the risk of seeming selfish, one must deprecate the passing about of its treasures unless it is so situated that this seems really necessary. When children have access to a lending library it does not seem wise that they should be permitted to borrow indis- criminately from one another. Books are soon injured by going from hand to hand, and it is a real grief to have them hurt. All of us whose books are our personal friends, tenderly loved and cherished, must desire to see our children grow up with the same feeling. ^* ^^ t^^ PARENTAL DISCIPLINE BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL THERE is a saying in a good old Book, which was once on the lips of all parents, but has to-day apparently been forgotten: "Spare the rod and spoil the child." The very use of the rod, or its equivalent, seems to have disappeared in the past with other once familiar household gods. General Considerations. — It is undoubtedly true that there was far too much of the rod in homes until of late years. We would not, if we could, bring back that instrument of torture which, like the thumb screw, has had its day. But is there not a great danger, lest in doing away with the thing itself we also 148 THE MOTHERS' BOOK do away with what it stands for, and let all punishments go with it? There could be no greater mistake than to bring up a family of children with the idea that whatever wrong they did, no penalty would follow. They would soon learn to be perfect savages, impossible to live with, and worse still, they would be- come citizens who would break every law which trammeled them. Punishments are absolutely essential in every home; the questions are what should they be, and when administered and by whom. There is a wise book which has recently been revived, called "Gentle Measures in the Training of the Young," written by Jacob Abbott. No parent can read it without learning from its old-fashioned suggestions many ideas for his help to-day. Its ways of dealing with children may not be ours, but they help us to form some for ourselves which are possibly as good for our children. That book, and Helen Hunt Jackson's "Bits of Talk About Home Matters," are excellent guides to the be- ginners on the road of discipline. Perhaps one of the first lessons a parent must learn is that the punishment must invariably follow when it has been prom- ised. To tell a child, "If you do that again I must do some- thing serious to make you remember," and then when the time comes merely repeat the threat, is worse than folly. But of course one must be very careful in making the first statement. If one speaks in anger, or in haste, then there is the danger of injustice, or oversevere punishment. First think whether you are doing the wisest, best thing, and then when the mind is made up as to the proper punishment, let it come with cool, even-handed justice, and one or two inflictions will cause the lesson to be remembered. Of course no parent worth the name would ever punish a child while still angry; that means doing him a wrong. It is always safe to wait till both are over the first outbreak, and then punish. It is difTicult to do this, for strong indignation prompts to quick action; nevertheless it is the only safe rule to follow. How many regrets one has who hastily, perhaps unjustly, punishes a child, only a parent knows. Methods of Punishing.— As to the kind of punishments, DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 149 they should be varied; perhaps the best of all because the most easily understood, is that of deprivation. Suppose a child is greedy at the table and eats with perfect indifference to all the manners which have been taught him; after some such exhibition a mother may talk to him about his faults and explain that he has no right to spoil the comfort of others, and say that if he repeats his objectionable ways he must lose his dessert the next time. Perhaps the very day following he forgets, and repeats his offenses; his mother may whisper in his ear a reminder which goes unheeded; but when the dessert comes on the table and he may have none, the punishment is so felt that it need not be repeated for several days, and a few experiences will accom- plish a complete cure. If only one is firm and relentless, this is an unfailing way to secure one's end. So with quarreling; children who will spoil the peace of the home by squabbles and fights may have a penalty of exactly the same kind, and have to spend an hour or more in bed on Saturday, a deprivation which they will keenly feel. Any loss of pleasures is a real punishment. Many a boy would far rather take a whipping and then go fishing with the other boys, than to have to stay in bed and see them go without him; and so the very essence of punishment is secured. Corporal punishment, indeed, is by no means the most effective, to say the least of it. It has very real dangers connected with it, and few parents, perhaps only one in a hundred, are to be trusted to administer it wisely; it is far better to avoid it al- together, for the delicate frame of a child is easily injured by the heavy hand of an adult. Edison tells how a box on the ear, administered by an angry man, made him deaf for life. It is only for the small child, the one too young to understand any- thing else, that a tiny administration of little pats is best under- stood and remembered. George Eliot advocated a little "tin- gling, in soft, safe places. " But once out of babyhood it is best to substitute something else for such measures, and there are plenty of other punishments. It is really the idea of the punishment more than the thing itself which is effective. One mother devised a system by pre- paring little squares of blue and white paper; when a child had v/ 150 THE MOTHERS' BOOK been naughty it had to put one or more blue squares in a box; and when it had been good all day it put in white ones at night, at the end of the week if the white squares predominated, there was a reward, and if the blue, none at all. Nothing could have been more simple, but it worked to a charm. As children grow out of childhood, the idea of deprivation as punishment still holds. A girl who spends all her week's allowance and has to go without something she wishes for, or even something she really needs, is being punished in this way. A boy who must give up an anticipated trip to town because he has done wrong, remembers it for weeks and does not repeat the offense. But of course it is unjust on ordinary occasions suddenly to punish a child without warning. It is better at a first offense to do nothing radical, but rather explain the wrong, and say that it must not be repeated, or such and such things must follow. Dangers of Confinement. — Mothers often have a way of talking over with children their wrong-doing, just as they are put to bed at night. Then when all is quiet they have a talk which grows more and more serious because the child is tired, and frequently ends in a cry. This we know to-day is all wrong. At bedtime it is essential that a child should go to sleep happily, or the rest is unrefreshing. It is better to talk things over earlier and settle matters, and end the day in' peace. The old-fashioned punishments of putting a child in the closet or sending him supperless to bed have been rather for- gotten, and wisely. A child is too often made afraid of the dark by the first punishment, and physically injured by the second. It is just as effective to put a child alone in a lighted room, and let him sit in one chair for a time as to put him in a dark closet, and a supper of bread and milk eaten all alone in the nursery is better than no supper at all. There are so many simple punishments which correct the wrong, that it seems unnecessary ever to administer others which are more severe. The very small child can have his hand tied up when he slaps; the older child can be kept apart from the rest when he, too, strikes; the boy can be kept home from a ball-game if he fights when he should not; these things DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 151 really are felt, and felt deeply, and will prove in the long run to overcome the bad habits. Dealing with a Violent Temper. — One of the most difficult things to deal with is violence, self-will, screaming, or general loss of temper; this is best punished by a whole day in bed, on the ground that no well child could possibly behave in this way. The enforced quiet rests the nerves of the child, who is really worn out by its temper, and at the same time it is a depri- vation so severe that it is deeply felt. Of course the real end of punishment in the home, as in prison according to our modern ideas, is to help one to overcome his faults and prevent repetition. This is what every parent should keep in view, and what every child should understand. The resentment one feels when he is punished will gradually disappear when one knows that it is only because it is necessary to help him to get rid of these wrongs of character that the pafrent must enforce the penalty. It takes time, and infinite patience, and wonderful poise and calmness to carry out sys- tematically a course of punishments such that children will appreciate them and respond to their aims, but it can be done. And, most important of all, discipline will rapidly grow less in the family circle as the growing children learn why they are punished, and that it is love and wisdom, never temper or caprice, which prompt the parents to inflict the penalties. If only parents are slow in their decisions, never overhasty, and if they try always to be perfectly just, the reasons for punish- ment will be acknowledged, and, hard as the restrictions or de- privations may seem at the time, they will be appreciated later, and the lessons will be finally learned. %^t *2^ ^* OBEDIENCE IN THE CHILD BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL THE objectionable phrase, "This is the age of obedient parents," has passed into a byword, one we do not like to hear to-day, perhaps because we recognize that there is 152 THE MOTHERS' BOOK too much truth in it. Certainly no nation ever before so gave its children everything they wished for, and gave up in such a degree its own wishes to those of the younger generation, as we Americans are doing. The child; not the parent, has in most of our homes, the center of the stage. Obedience Essential. — It is an undoubted fact that in reacting from the state of blind, unquestioning obedience demanded by our ancestors of their children, we have gone too far in the other direction. Tyranny and oppression once existed in many families, and it is just as well that they should disappear; but certainly obedience to parents ought not to go with them. If there is anything worse in the world than an unreasonable and domineering parent, it is a disobedient and rebellious child. A home where the children rule must be a joyless pande- monium. But how are we to obtain obedience without paying too dearly for it? Obedience should be considered as only a temporary thing, for the attitude of infallibility that parents assume must sooner or later be abandoned; it is merely the training of the children, not blind obedience in itself, that is the aim. The old idea that the child who "minds" promptly when spoken to is at heart the good child, and the one who hesitates is necessarily the bad one, is away behind the times. The so-called good child may merely be under-vitalized, anemic, and so indifferent to most things. He obeys because it is less trouble to do as he is told than to think for himself; and the child who disputes every command, and shows self-will and is disobedient, may be merely strong, vigorous, pushing in mental as well as physical ways, because he is growing in both. Later on it is often the latter child who is deliberately obedient, while the weaker one becomes morally lax. Mrs. Oilman has a clever essay in which she says that to train a child to unthinking, unquestioning obedience is to make him absolutely valueless as a citizen. He will never initiate, but will follow where others lead. He will be but a half-developed being, devoid of individuality and indepen- dence. But before the child can reason for itself, it is necessary to exact a prompt obedience, not only because the parent knows DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 153 best, but also for the sake of the training. A child who throws its food on the floor when told to eat it quietly, or who stiffens out in amazing rigor and screams until black in the face rather than be undressed, must learn that he must do as he is told, and if necessary, he must learn it with tears. The wise parent, how- ever, will not take these things too seriously. Blessed is that mother whose sense of humor does not desert her even in nursery crises! She will exact obedience as firmly and quietly as she can, and at the same time she will not feel that her child will surely grow up a monster of self-will. He must obey — that goes without saying; but little by little he will learn to do it gracefully rather than rebelliously, as he sees he must. Firmness Requisite in tJie Mother. — Of course a perfect obedience forbids teasing the mother to change her mind. If once, only once, she yields a forbidden point, and the child, with its abnormal keenness, sees it, she is lost. From that time on her yea is no longer yea and her nay nay, but both are doubtful quantities, to be disputed. It is infinitely better not to give a command than to let the child evade it. When she says even a small thing must not be, she must stick to it. If it happens that the question turns on a second piece of cake, and she says " No more to-day," and then says later on, "Well, just this once, but next time do not ask," she is weakly giving up the whole situa- tion, and barring the xA.ngel of Peace forever from her home. Justice Necessary to Discipline. — But it must be remembered that even a mother may make a mistake, and that she must acknowledge it at the time and alter her decision; something quite different from being teased into changing her mind. If she says that the child may not go to a certain picnic because it is a rainy day, and later on the sun comes out and makes going possible, then by all means she should explain to him that cir- cumstances have altered and he may go after all. He will see the difference in her point of view at once. Should she unreason- ably stick to her point and ha\ing said he could not go, refuse to alter that verdict when the conditions have so changed, he will lose confidence in her judgment and fairness; and this is about the worst thing which could happen. Parents also sometimes lay unjust commands on their 154 THE MOTHERS' BOOK children in ignorance, and sometimes, too, they are unreasonable; then the only course is frankly to acknowledge that they were wrong and say in so many words, " I made a mistake in saying you must do this or that. I see now that it was not the thing after all; I will not insist on your doing it." This is to show the child that reason, not whim, rules in the family, and so even in this way he learns to obey, because be believes in his parents' wisdom. But after a child grows older, should he be expected to yield a prompt obedience still ? Whether or not he does so, depends on his father and mother. If they have proved when he was small that they were just and wise in their commands, and if he has grown up in the atmos- phere of obedience, undoubtedly he will continue to do as he is told; but parents should remember that with each year this unreasoning obedience becomes more difficult for him. He is learning at school and at play to use his own mind, to think and decide for himself, and this holds in the family circle as well as outside it. To meet this difficulty it is always best to g'^-'e a child a good and truthful reason for any commands laid upon him, not before he obeys, but afterwards. Suppose he comes home from school and is told not to go out doors again to play. It takes but a moment to tell why this must be — perhaps company is coming and he will be needed, or his throat is sore, or his mother must leave him in charge of the house for a time; children yield so graciously and unselfishly to such reasons that it pays on this account if for no higher reason, to explain them. There is a sort of impressive logic in a child's reasoning; since his mother or father have been right in a hundred cases in asking him to obey, it stands to reason they are right now; so he obeys even when he does not see clearly the same necessity that they see for certain acts. Commands Should be Reasonable. — If only parents would always stop to think before giving any command, how simple obedience would be! It is because foolish, unnecessary things are demanded, or because children learn that there is left a loophole for disobedience, or because they have learned by bitter experience that certain commands are both exacting DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 155 and unreasonable, that they disobey. Children of reasonable, thoughtful, conscientious parents do obey them. They trust their wisdom, they understand that a good reason exists behind the command, and so they are willing to do as they are asked. Then later on they may ask why, and be told; and so their trust is justified. The way of demanding obedience counts for a great deal in securing it. To simply say " Do this," with the air and manner of a tyrant, is to create at once a disposition to do the opposite. "I'll mind now because I must," the child declares inwardly, "but when I'm grown up I'll do as I please." It is by far the best way to put commands if possible in an attractive form. Instead of saying "You must fill the wood-box before you can go out," it is quite as easy to say "Won't you please get me a whole boxful of wood before you go ? I need it to cook with for our supper, and I'm going to make something you like!" And the difference in the way the box is filled is worth the extra trouble, if there is any trouble, in putting it so. You may request a child to do almost anything, if you put it attractively, and he will do as you wish; but after a certain period you cannot demand that he shall do this or that without arousing antago- nism in him. And yet sometimes, even when a child has been carefully taught to obey, and has apparently learned the lesson that his parents know best, there will arise a family crisis. Perhaps a question of health is involved, or of morals, or some other really serious thing, and the growing boy or girl is quite sure the parents are wrong, and will not be convinced by the most careful, patient reasoning and explanation; such things do happen. Then, after all is said, if the father and mother are certain of the wisdom of their course, the child, not the parents, must yield. Once in a long time it is best to let the child have his own way and teach him by suffering that he is wrong; but usually this is too costly, and it is better to say firmly, "You must abide by my decision; I am sure in this case I am right, and when you are older you will see that it was so." Then the child will show whether, after all, his training in obedience has been worth while. If he submits with an underlying belief in his parents in spite of his disappointment, the day is won; it has 156 THE MOTHERS' BOOK been worth everything to have reached this point, and the re- ward is already being won for gentle firmness in his training. (^* ((?• t^* THE CHILD'S TRUTHFULNESS BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL THERE is no reason why any child who is carefully trained should ever grow up untruthful; if he does, undoubtedly there has been some serious mistake to account for it. A little child, who is healthy, kindly treated, encouraged to be frank in speaking of everything to his parents, will naturally grow up more and more into perfect truthfulness. It is this belief which helps parents over the difficult places in the lives of their children when it seems as though they were inherently little liars; for sooner or later most parents have to face the fact that a child has not told the truth. Usually this comes with a shock, and too often brings a certain despair with it; if only one could ac- cept it as a normal phase it would make things infinitely easier! Ordinarily the child's imagination is at fault. He dreams so many little dreams and tells them as facts, that he is involved at once in difficulties and does not know how to explain. He hears grown people tell made-up stories, and he is expected to enjoy them, and does; yet v^'hen he tells a made-up story he is treated as a small criminal! To him it is bewildering. This is the place where a mother should be ready, not with punish- ment, but with understanding and a clear explanation. When the boy comes home from school and says! "I met a mad dog running down the street, and he chased me, and I ran as fast as I could and at last I got away," and the whole thing turns out to be false, she can easily recall the story of adventure she read him a week ago in which a hunter was chased by a lion and barely escaped with his life: that was all imagination, and so is his story, copied after it; he sees no difference. Such things are not untruthful in any wrong sense; they are merely flights of fancy. She will probably have some trouble in making him DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 157 see why if a man in a book tells such things he may not, but after a time he will see, and will stop inventing adventures. Nothing could be a greater wrong to a child than to punish him for telling such things. If he persists after he really under- stands that they are wrong and absurd, sometimes a little whole- some ridicule w^ill break him of the habit; but in any case he will grow out of it in a short time. His playmates will usually laugh at him in such a way as to work a complete cure. Dealing with Serious Falsehoods. — It is quite another matter when a child lies to gain an end; that is a really serious matter, '^ never to be passed over. Any falseness, whether in word or action, especially one in which a reward comes for the effective lie, is one of the worst corrupters of character. The moment when a mother finds out that her child has been false in such a way as this, there should come some penalty never to be for- gotten. This does not mean corporal punishment, although a pinch of quinine put on a little tongue is effective with a very small child; but it does mean that he must be talked to in such a solemn way of his wTong-doing, and have its result so put before him, that he can never forget it; and after this is done, there should be a punishment. If some one else has been involved, there must be a confession, no matter how humiliating. If no one knows, still there must be the acknowledgment of the wrong, and something to make the child remember not to do such a thing again. Perhaps a day alone will effect this; or he may be forbidden to speak to any other child for a day; or he may lose some coveted pleasure. At all events it is a moral crisis, and one to be faced by a parent with all the wisdom to be summoned. The Cowardly Lie. — When the lie comes from still another source and is uttered in order to avoid a punishment, then the matter is even worse, for here it is the parent, not the child, who is principally to blame. If a father is so harsh as to make ' his boy afraid of him, then he must expect the child to lie to cover up a wrong, and if he does, it is really the parent who should be punished. Sometimes a timid child will lie unreason- ably, even when he knows the punishment for telling the truth 158 THE MOTHERS' BOOK will not be serious. But certainly the only help for such cases lies in moral suasion, never in the long run in corporal punish- ment; that only makes a bad matter worse. The child will lie to avoid the whipping, and lie to cover up the first lie; and day by day he will do this till he is confirmed in the habit Sometimes, when after a while a parent wakes to this danger, he will say, "If you will only tell the truth you shall not be punished, but if you lie and I find it out you shall be"; and still the child lies; it is because the trouble is so deep-seated by this time that it seems ineradicable. Fear of punishment is a danger- ous thing to use in any way. It happens occasionally that a child will apparently tell a falsehood and suffer for it under some misapprehension. A little girl refused to tell where a certain key was which her mother was sure she had had. "Tell me the truth, tell just what you did with it," she was begged, and steadily she replied, "I don't know." It seemed not only a lie, but an obstinate one as well. Finally it was found that the key was really in a place where she could not possibly have put it or kno\\Ti its being, and then she exclaimed, " You see I could not tell the truth because I didn't know the truth!" One must be very certain that a child under- stands exactly what he has done that is wrong, and why, and the parent must be quite as certain that the facts of the case are all in, before going ahead to deal with the difficulty. It is a serious thing even to accuse a child who is naturally truthful of telling a falsehood; his whole being resents the accusation, and his self-respect suffers, even if no punishment is laid upon him. Preventing Untruthfulness. — The best way to deal with lying in children is never to meet it; if the family life is open and frank, and if children have cause to believe in their parents' love and justice, they will seldom deliberately lie. Many a family of children grow up as truthful as the day, and fathers and mothers never have to face the terrible situation of realizing that a child has lied. Where the ideal of perfect openness is con- stantly held up, and one who even evades the truth is despised, boys and girls usually are truthful as a matter of course, or truth- ful except for some one fall by the way which they never repeat. Where parents never deceive, and questions are always answered DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 159 with exactness, even with limitations as to extent, and where promises are kept, there a child is open in his ways and words. It is in the breaking of promises that most parents fail in their own truthfulness and in their training of their children. One day a child was promised a drive, one he had long wanted and to which he had looked forward. At the last moment his father and mother decided not to take him and drove away alone. He looked after them and said scornfully, "There go two liars!" Probably never again in his life did he ever really trust their word as fully as before they broke it. To say that something is to be, or is not to be, is to give a pledge of one's own straightforwardness, and it must be kept, or the penalty paid of having one's children grow up untruthful. Ideals of Truth. — One great aid in training children to speak the exact truth is to hold up before them the ideals of truth in others. When a father points out that some public man has told the thing that was so to his own injury, the boy admires him for it, and remembers it. A mother can read aloud to her children stories of good men who always spoke the truth, and can so fire them with admiration that they will try and be like them. The old way of threatening children with a penalty in future life for lying is not half as effective as the holding up before them the beauty of telling the "lovely white truth," and inspiring them to grow into it. ^% ^% i^% SELF-CONTROL IN THE CHILD BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL THE end and aim of all real education is to teach the child // to control himself. It seems strange that any grown man or woman needs to be told "Do this," and "Do not do that," and yet practically that is what must be done for those who have not learned to direct their own lives. A parent sees but half his responsibilities who thinks that training in obedience is all that is necessary to make a perfect man out of a boy, or a noble woman out of a girl; in the end the man or woman stands 160 THE MOTHERS' BOOK or falls as they have learned the greatest of all duties, that of self-control. A Test of Character. — In infancy, of course, a mother and father must do the thinking for the child; he must eat and exer- cise and sleep as they direct; but once out of babyhood there must be a gradual shifting of this control to the child's own mind 1 and conscience. Suppose a boy is left to guide himself for a week; he is told he may go to school or not as he pleases; he may go swimming no matter what the weather is, and eat what- ever his fancy directs, and go to bed when he chooses. That is a real test of character, for the boy who has been taught to control himself and to arrange his life not by what he prefers to do but by what he knows is right, will probably follow exactly, or at least nearly, the regular programme as he has learned it, and do his school and home work at their proper times, eat what he has been told is good for him and go to bed about his usual time; and, of course, the one who has been merely blindly obedient to his parents will rejoice in his freedom and become a lawless little being till he is again put under authority. The use of the words "right" and "wrong" ought to be early taught any child. It is not because mother says he must go to bed that he has to go at eight, but because he needs the sleep, and will not grow up strong without it that he has to go; it is right that he should do so; this at once seems reasonable to a child. He sees that his father and mother do things they do not like because they recognize that the same higher law extends over them too, and that, once clearly seen, is a wonderful help to a child in doing the things he should. It is a lesson not to be taught all at once, but by gradual steps, and not so much by words as by example. If the child holds the key to the home life, and day by day watches his parents do the best thing they know, whether it is pleasant or not, he is on the way to con- trol himself just as they control themselves, by the perfect law. Inculcating Self-control. — With most children it is safe to begin very early to let them practise this self-control. The mother says, perhaps, "I see that you are getting very angry; I am sure you will be likely to say and do things you will be sorry for; don't you think you had better go to your room till you are DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 161 quiet again?" Probably if the fit of anger has gone too far, the child will refuse and give way still further, but at the very be- ginning he may be willing to go. Then later on, when all is over, the mother can talk things over with him, praise him for his going away, tell him of the dreadful things that happen when a grown man gets more and more angry and does not control himself, and of the murders of which one so often reads as a result of such fits of passion. The boy is impressionable, and usually willing to learn the lesson. He will sometimes forget, of course, being merely human, but if this course is persisted in, he will sooner or later learn to control his temper by leaving the place where it is excited; some day perhaps he may be able to stay where he is and still control it, which is even a higher thing. The same idea may be used in teaching children to control their appetites for sweets, or any forbidden pleasures. It is better to run away than to yield to temptation. There is a ridiculous little story of a girl who came into a room and saw a basket of fruit on the table, prepared for company; she walked all around the table, holding her small hands behind her back; then she remarked firmly, "Sold again, Satan!" and left the room. That illustrates exactly what a well-taught child feels, that she has conquered if she resists a wrong inclination. Here, as elsewhere, an ideal is a great help to a child. The stories of King Arthur and his knights and their search for the Holy Grail are suggestive of the strife for the best things against the worst. Before they are in their teens children will love to hear read the "Idylls of the King," and "Sir Launfal," and even Malory's "Morte d' Arthur, " and better now than when they are older, they will take the lessons to heart they learn there. There is an old story of King Louis the Fourteenth which also gives them a helpful idea: Once he was listening to a sermon in the royal chapel, and the preacher spoke of the struggle St. Paul tells, of the two men within the soul. At once the king, careless of the rest of the audience, cried out, " Oh, how well I know those two men! " Even the smallest child knows something of the strife of the two men, and will appreciate the point of the story and remember it. 162 THE MOTHERS' BOOK The Child to be Trusted. — The plan of trusting a child is one of the best ways of developing this plan of having him control himself rather than be controlled by some one else. A mother can say, "Oh, it is unnecessary for me to tell you what to do; you know what is right, and of coiu^se you will do that." This throws the whole responsibility where it belongs, and at the same time it appeals to the child's better nature, and so a double purpose is served. It is an appeal to the highest in him, and one he will not lightly disregard. Often parents shrink from laying in early years this burden of responsibility on a child. They argue that it is too much for them, and it is better for them to have their parents decide what they shall do, and so relieve them from the thought, sometimes indeed, the anxious thought, of what to do. But self-control is something it takes a whole hfe to learn, and it is not too soon to begin, even in early childhood, to teach it. Perhaps the home may be broken up and a boy thrown early out into the world; if he has been used only to guidance from without, he will struggle with all sorts of temptations and perplexities which will meet him, and too probably he will fall. How much better to let him know from the outset that he must depend largely upon himself, and that he is expected to be strong and manly, and to choose the right! That sort of stimulating teaching will keep him from evil, and make a man of him while yet he is but a boy in years. It is the weakling who succumbs to the temptations of the world, the flesh, and the devil — the one who has been overguided and controlled, who has never learned to know his foes and to meet them fearlessly. If from a child he has had to control himself, he is armed against his enemies. ^* ^* K^"^ TRAINING IN ORDER AND PUNCTUALITY BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL A CHILD is ordinarily a disorderly little being, probably because from his first day he has been accustomed to being waited upon, picked-up for, and generally directed by his DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 163 mother or his nurse, or both together. When the time comes that he is expected to do things for himself, he is unprepared, and it takes a long, long time, sometimes many years, to let him under- stand that he is responsible for keeping his things in place; too often he never learns it at all. Boys more than girls, fail in order perhaps from hereditary instincts, for a man has been always more waited upon in small ways than a woman, and the home-making strain which must be born in a girl shows itself early. At the same time, both need careful training in such ways or they will become selfishly careless of others. Orderly Habits to Be Formed Early. — A very small child will strew his playthings over the nursery floor, and when told to pick them up and put them away, very often will rebel. This is usually because it is growing toward the end of the day and he is tired; the quantity of things looks enormous to him, and his little body aches at the very thought of the task. Still, with tact he can be helped over the difficulty. It is better not to let so many things get about, but when one set of playthings is finished with, it can be put away in some easily reached place, and something else taken out. A large covered box close at hand makes a good place for toys. Then too, if some one will help put things away, that assists wonderfully; or if he is told that father is coming, and the room must all be in order for him, for he will be sorry to see it upset. At all events, in some such way order should be taught even in a very little child. Playmates are very thoughtless in helping cover the room with toys and then going home leaving the little host to pick up; this should not be allowed, but the mother should stop the play half an hour before time for the visitors to go home and all together the children should put things away, even at the risk of seeming inhospitable. The child taught in his own home that this is the right thing, will, when he in his turn goes visiting, help to dispose of the toys at the neighbors'. So with the child's own room, here from the first he must learn to keep things in order. He can always put his nightgown on a chair, even if he cannot hang it up in the closet; he can set the bureau top to rights, and put things in the drawers and stand his shoes in an orderly row. When the bed is made he 164 THE MOTHERS' BOOK can help with it, and dust, and straighten the curtains. Really he will enjoy the feeling of importance in doing all this if it is done cheerfully, not considered a task so much as a pleasure. If from his childhood he knows the duty of orderliness in his own room, he will probably never become that selfish being, a man who lets his sister or his wife pick up and put away his things, carelessly strewn everywhere. It is only right that he should feel that he is responsible for everything which belongs to him, and he must keep it in its place. Care of the Person and the Room. — Personal neatness is really orderliness, and this, too, cannot be taught too early. Children naturally resent having their faces and hands washed too frequently, and it is absurd and wrong to expect them to be always clean and tidy; when they are playing they should not be bothered by having such things insisted on; at the same time, there are hours when they should be tidy as a matter of course, especially when they come to the table for their meals. Then a mother must insist on having the hands washed and the hair smooth. This is always a trouble for both parent and child, but it need not be so difficult, if the child who comes clean gets the larger helping of dessert, and the one who has been forgetful gets but a small one. It is a lesson in orderliness not soon forgotten, and one far better taught in this way than by perpetual talking. As to training a child to keep the house in order outside his own room, that too must be enforced. One has no right to throw down a cap, an armful of books, a pair of muddy rubbers, for some one else to put away, no matter if that some one is perfectly willing to do it. He has a duty to help keep the home attractive. But children are far too apt to think the common living room theirs in the peculiar sense of disorder, and find it hard to remember to put away their belongings. Parents, too, are sometimes thoughtless in not providing places which are convenient for out-of-door clothes, and books. These must be at hand — a closet with low hooks, a shelf for books; a box for rubbers, and something resembling the hymn-book rack at church, on some wall, for the books. Then after all these are ready the child must use them. DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 165 Methods of Teaching Orderliness. — One of the best ways to teach order here is to have it a good-natured rule that such things out of place will disappear. A lost cap will be found hidden in some out-of-the-way corner; a school-book will be discovered tucked under a chair-cushion, and so on. When one must take precious moments to hunt up such things before school it is probable that next time they will go where they belong. Here, as in one's own room, a mother should dwell on the selfishness of keeping the house in disorder, and teach a child that he has [ ,^no^ right to be careless. Sometimes a girl who is disorderly can be reached by her vanity in a wholesome way. If she leaves her room upset, with dresses on chair and even on the floor, and then brings home from school a couple of friends and ushers them into her room, she will not need a suggestion from her mother to make her more careful next time. If she does, then half a Saturday spent in putting things to rights will aid her in remembering. One aid in teaching a girl to be orderly outside her room, is to make her responsible for the sitting-room; she can straighten it up before school in the morning in only a moment's time, if every one puts things away, but if others are careless, or she herself is careless, then it takes longer. Some rainy days, or Saturdays, she can put everything thoroughly tidy in the room, and so she will learn what is necessary for her to know. Teaching Punctuality. — Punctuality is almost as difficult to teach as orderliness at home, and it is especially difficult to get children to be prompt at breakfast-time, because it seems natural for them to dawdle over dressing. But there are two ways of teaching this. One is to have some deprivation for tardiness, such as the loss of the fruit-course if there is one, or cream on porridge, or plain bread and butter in place of the hot bread. The second is a higher way of dealing with the matter; it is to have each child have some personal responsibility about the meal; a girl may perhaps be expected to pour the water, or put on the napkins; if she is late, she may know the whole family are sitting about the table, unable to begin the meal till she comes. If that plan is faithfully carried out, and no one does her work for her, she will soon learn to be on time. A boy may 166 THE MOTHERS' BOOK also have some duty, perhaps getting the morning paper and bringing it to his father, who waits for it. Where love rules the home these things count for a great deal. As to punctuality in school, a system of rewards helps. Every school report should be carefully read by the parents, and all tardiness inquired into; where the report is good, there should always be a reward, not perhaps in money, but in some treat; where one has been careless, and frequendy late without ex- cuse, this may be withheld, and the child told he must do better next time. Too often children grow up disorderly and unpunctual because their mothers are to blame. It may be more trouble to get a child to put things to rights than to do the work one's self, and so the child slips out of the duty. But for his own sake, as well as for that of those who will take the mother's place in after years, this should never be; both a boy and a girl should be given the training they need even though it is a trouble, and a great one. So with punctuality, the lack of it may often be traced to the parents. The family may be lazy about getting up on Sun- day mornings, and become habitually late in getting to church; breakfast may be at all hours on school-days, and so the child really cannot help coming late to school; the whole habit of the household may be that of easy-going carelessness in keeping appointments, and the child grows up indifferent to exactness. All this is selfishly wrong on the part of the father and mother, and children who are not well trained in such ways must pay dearly for their parents' thoughtlessness later in life. ^w ^w ^* THE CHILD AND MONEY BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL THE mind of a child veers between the love of acquiring and the love of spending. It delights to hoard, to shake its bank and feel its increasing weight; and it also de- DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 167 lights to spend recklessly until it is bankrupt. It was doubtless these traits which made a distinguished Frenchman describe the American child as "a mercenary little wretch." Probably there is something of heredity in these things, for to wish to amass rapidly and spend extravagantly is a national trait, and the child only reflects the attitude of its parents. Source of Supply. — How shall our children obtain their money? Usually it comes from the parental pocket-book in a more or less irregular trickle, rather than in that small but steady stream which develops the child's sense of its value. In either case, if given too lavishly, it will mean nothing; if doled out too parsimoniously it will acquire an abnormal value. It should be given by some regular system or it will do harm. There is much to be said in favor of letting the children earn their own money. They may be paid by the day or week for keeping their rooms or bureau drawers in order, for being punc- tual at their meals or at their study-hour, for having clean hands and blackened shoes, or for performing small duties about the house. A series of rules for these things, with their rewards and fines, may be written on a blackboard in the play- room; if accounts are regularly kept and pay-day is faithfully observed, it will be a training in the way in which money should come to any one, that is, as the reward of labor. Of course one may claim that a child should not be paid for doing its duty. Ab- stractly that is true, but practically in the case of these small details of daily life it will be found that no harm is done by this small breach of the moral law. On the contrary, this system will be found of the greatest service in teaching children habits of neatness and order without undue friction. If occasionally a child is found to have an unusual desire to accumulate money the plan must be modified. Children may be paid also for their school-reports, either receiving a fixed sum for general excellence, or, where there has been difficulty with one study, for improvement in that. It is a mistake, however, to put everything on the basis of bargaining. The principles of the home should not be those of the shop, and for this reason, in addition to the money a child earns, it should receive an occasional present. On the Fourth of July, 168 THE MOTHERS' BOOK for instance, it is a real hardship for a child to have to take a whole dollar from its bank for fireworks. At times like this a gift will mean a great deal. The Question of an Allowance. — Under the age of twelve few children receive an allowance. Whether they should or not depends somewhat upon the child; generally speaking, an allowance is desirable only after a certain maturity of judg- ment is reached. But if it is given it should not be the only source of income; every child should earn at least a part of its spending-money, in ways that are not too difficult. Lessons in Spending Money. — But when the child has money, what shall it do with it ? A famous economist tells us that the three legitimate uses of money are saving, spending, and giving, and this is a good basis from which to study the matter. A child's saving may mean nothing at all to it. Simply to fill a bank with pennies, to see it emptied, and to hear that the money has been transferred to a larger bank downtown, conveys no idea and accomplishes no good purpose; there should always be a definite end in view. If its savings are small, still there is father's birthday present to be bought or Christmas to be remembered. If they are larger, and amount to quite a sum in the course of a year, do not let the child become miserly and enjoy the piling up of the money for itself. Possibly the money may be spoken of as a provision for the future should a rainy day come to the family, or the outlook may be toward travel or special advan- tages in some way. Such a feeling of possession may be an excellent thing, giving the child a proper sense of power and responsibility. If there must be some self-denial in order to lay up money, so much the better; such a moral training is not to be ignored. Once let a child learn to give up a present good for one more remote, and you have taught the principle of foresight. But a child must learn to part with its money as well as save it. To most children spending is an easier matter than saving. This world is new to a child, and full of all sorts of desirable things. If it has money, why not buy as many of them as it can? It is an easy thing for children to become small spend- thrifts through the carelessness of their parents. It is thought DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 169 unnecessary trouble to supervise penny purchases. The amount spent is so trifling, why interfere with the child's pleas- ure? Let it buy whatever it will. Yet there is a reason for supervision — it is just here that a child's judgment is to be trained. If it wishes to buy a boat or a doll or candy, let it do so occasionally, but if possible go with it, not "With a little hoard of maxims preaching down ' ' all youthful enthusiasm, but trying to teach your child to judge between good, better, and best. Is the doll worth the price? Is it not better to buy good candy than poor, even if one gets less for the money ? Is it not wiser to buy a book rather than something of merely passing value? The question of taste also should enter into these purchases. It is not altogether how much one can buy with a certain sum, nor how valuable one's purchases are, but have they intrinsic beauty? Children should not be permitted to buy things that are gaudy or unsuitable, whether they are cheap or expensive. A girl of ten whose taste was supposed by her mother to be really superior was permitted to go alone to spend a birthday gold-piece. The result was an appalling array of cheap jewelry, perfumery, and ridiculous trinkets. One should not take it for granted that children are born with a clear sense of the artis- tic, but should strive to develop one that is latent, a more fre- quent case. If, in spite of care, a child is sometimes extravagant and empties its bank foolishly, there is a certain wisdom in letting it learn by experience that it cannot spend its money and have it too. Better let the bank remain empty for a time than to refill it and let its owner feel that it has unlimited means to draw upon. Benevolent Tendencies. — Between the extremes of spending for one's self and giving to others lies the delightful spot where the two are combined. A boy originated the idea of giving his mother a weekly treat from his own money. Sometimes he took her on his favorite trolley-ride, sometimes he bought her a box of his favorite bonbons. The naivete of the plan raises a smile, but as a stepping-stone to a genuine altruism it is not to be 170 THE MOTHERS' BOOK despised. It is always to be remembered that it is almost as hard for a child to part with its money, especially if it has earned it, as it is for a man or a woman to do so. Almost, but not quite, for its generosity often puts us to the blush. If a child has a settled income it is best to teach it to give away a certain proportion; so much for benevolence, so much for gifts, so much for extra calls. It should be taught to give independently, without regard to the gifts of other children. It will especially enjoy giving to the children of the poor through the free kindergartens, fresh-air funds, day nurseries, and hospitals for little cripples. It is probably better for the child — if not for the cause — to give the money outright than to arrange some fair or other entertainment in which the end will be for- gotten largely in the amusement afforded. An Ethical View. — The great danger that confronts us all is that we shall overlook the fact that the real use of money is in the development of character and the service of man. If, as a child, one acquires honestly, spends thoughtfully, and gives generously, he will grow up broad-minded and philanthropic. It is really a more serious matter than parents usually think that children should receive sound views of money. While our national life is disfigured by an almost universal greed of getting and lust of spending, we should teach them that there are right and wrong ways of getting money, and right and wrong ways of spending it. fc^ c5* t5* THE CHILD AND HANDICRAFT BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL OUR national eagerness to acquire new ideas has become proverbial, yet there is at least one point in which our great public school system is curiously behind that of other countries; we omit from most of our schools any attempt to teach manual training. Yet the idea is no new one. Two centuries ago the philosopher John Locke pointed out the value DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 171 of hand-labor in education, and urged that a child should learn one handicraft thoroughly, and two or three in part. Rousseau said in the essay on education that has been called "a pedagogi- cal gold-mine," "If I employ a child in the workshop instead of chaining him to a book, then his hands work to the benefit of his mind." Froebel took up the suggestion of hand-work and introduced it into his kindergarten system. Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Russia, Germany, and France developed the plan, and to-day teach manual training in their graded schools. We still understand it so little that we think that only those who wish to learn a trade need know how to handle tools, while really nothing could be further from the ideas of those who understand the principles involved. Object of Manual Training. — Handicraft is designed to de- velop the mind and the hand rather than to teach any particular thing. The child has two faculties which we are apt to over- look — that of construction and that of destruction. It loves to make things; give it a paste-pot, a pair of scissors, a knife, a needle, and see the pleasure it will take in evolving something of its very own. It loves to destroy things, too, but less from a wanton desire to spoil, than from the innate wish to find out what it is that "makes the wheels go round." It is to answer the child's needs in these two respects that it should be taught handicraft. It there learns the why and how of the manufac- tured article, and it learns to put together for itself. Its eye and hand are trained to a precision altogether lacking in the untaught child, while it is also acquiring at the same time con- centration, exactness, and perseverance, all of which are of infinite value in its studies. Through handicraft it also works off a large part of its super- fluous energy. A recess of five or ten minutes in the middle of the morning, and another recess of an hour at noon are not enough to dissipate the boundless restlessness a child feels. Many a so-called "naughty boy" who is the torment of school, is suffering from a real nervousness which would disappear if he had something to do which would occupy pleasantly both hands and head. To drop arithmetic for a time and take up a saw or plane is an unspeakable rest. This is true for girls no 172 THE MOTHERS' BOOK less than for boys; they especially need a course in handicraft, since their hands do not naturally take a hammer or a chisel; they also get far less exercise than their brothers do, though their growing bodies need it quite as much, and their delicate nerves even more. To quote Rousseau again, "The great secret of education is to combine mental and physical work so that the one kind of exercise refreshes for the other," Utilizing Skill with Tools. — Handicraft is also a benefit to a child in that it brings it into a closer relation to its home. When it feels that it is not a contributor to it in any material sense, but only a recipient, it misses something of comradeship; but when it can really add to the home's attractiveness or comfort it at once acquires a new love for it and pride in it. Under a good teacher of any form of handiwork it is not long before a child is able to make something really useful and beautiful. One has only to visit a school where manual training is taught to recognize with wonder the possibilities that lie there. There are picture-frames, tables carved in artistic patterns, chests for linen, plate-racks, exquisite bits of carved metal, beaten brass, carved leather, beautifully bound books. To learn to make such things is an education in itself, and to be able not only to make them, but to enrich the home with them, is to feel and to confer a true and deep pleasure. Encouraging a Talent for Handiwork. — But beyond these actual or possible results of such training there is also the sug- gestion which it gives of the bent of the child's mind. Many a parent is puzzled to know what course to pursue in looking towards the child's future; here a latent talent will often be disclosed. The child will show plainly that it has a taste for art, or architecture, or applied mathematics, or sculpture, or something equally definite. Parents who hesitate over a course in handicraft lest it should either lead to a distaste for study or develop a wish for mechanical labor only, are surprised to find that it simply smooths the path to a desired career. Where there is no opportunity for the study of handicraft in a school within reach, the father and mother should try to make some opportunity for it at home. A boy may have a tool- chest when he is very young, and learn to drive nails or do odd DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 173 bits of mending about the house. He will take a certain pride in doing these things for a time, but very soon he will be ready for harder work under a regular teacher. He might then take lessons of a carpenter in the use of tools and a turning-lathe; or one can sometimes find a foreigner who for a very small sum of money will give lessons in wood-carving. If the boy inclines to metal-working he should have some one — if only the village blacksmith — to instruct him in simple iron and brass work. Handicraft for Girls. — A girl may begin to study manual training after the excellent kitchen-garden system; she will enjoy the setting of tiny tables and the hanging out of dolls' washing, and the making of little beds, and at the same time she will be learning neatness and order, accuracy of touch, and a dainty way of doing housework. Sewing, too, that discipline through which every girl must pass, may be redeemed from drudgery and made a pastime if it is regarded as a part of an education in handicraft and taught so as to awaken an interest in it. The old way used to be to set a girl a daily task of a seam; later, to teach her to cut out and make garments for herself of stiff muslin, which she usually moistened with her tears. To-day a teacher is found who gathers a little group of children and gives them regular lessons; hemming is done on one square of cloth, backstitching on another, and overcasting on a third. To make buttonholes, even, in company, robs them of half their terrors. It is not so important that a child should know how to make garments as how to sew. If she knows that, the making will come later. But it should never be forgotten that sewing is not the only form of handicraft with which a girl should be familiar. She, like the boy, should learn to make things of wood and leather and metal, for the development of both head and hands. A recent writer on this subject says, " Boys and girls whose hands have been left altogether untrained until their fifteenth year are practically incapable of high manual efficiency thereafter." Any woman whose hands are adaptable finds herself ready for many amusements and accomplishments which are delightful and useful. 174 THE MOTHERS' BOOK Restfulness of Hand-work. — 'But quite apart from the benefit one receives in the possession of a trained eye and hand there is another, an ultimate value in a course in handicraft of which as children we never think — that rest which hand-work gives to the tired brain. It is most necessary for all of us to have some- thing in which we can find relaxation. Dr. Weir Mitchell in a recent article advises novel-reading, but to many brain-workers this is not as restful as something which occupies the hands as well as the mind. The lawyer, the wTiter, the physician, the teacher, the mother, may throw themselves into some interesting form of handicraft, such as artistic bookbinding or wood- carving, and find it absorbing, satisfying, restful. Hand-work in which there is no creative pleasure, mere manual labor in which the mind has no share, can never give rest, but that which occupies hand and eyes and brain at once makes us ready to take up our daily burdens again with a new vigor. This one reason alone — the benefit which a knowledge of handicraft gives to us during the stress and storm of life — seems reason enough why we should study it in our leisure years, the years of childhood. ^* c?* c5* MUSIC AND ART FOR THE CHILD BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL WE are all convinced that there should be music in the home; witness the piano, or at least the parlor organ, in almost every house in the land. But it is not every parent who has an intelligent appreciation of the place music should hold; it may be a bane quite as well as a blessing, a tyrant as often as a friend. Piano-Lessons as Drudgery. — Happily the time has gone by when every little girl must take piano-lessons, and toil over scales through weary hours, regardless of sunshine and bird- song. How many of us who have passed through those memo- rable periods of distress recall the expedients to which we were driven to shorten them. A group of women confessed recently their misdeeds on this score. One had moved the hands of DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 175 the clock until her mother was forced to buy an hour-glass; this baffled the small sinner for a time, but she soon learned that after the sand had dropped through for a little while the glass could be reversed and the time shortened by half. Another woman said that, when a child of seven, she was so driven to desperation by the demands of her music-teacher that she ac- tually prepared a penknife with which to stab him should he give her any more five-finger exercises. One story followed another, all going to prove that where one child loved its prac- tising, nine hated it. Music should be Loved, not Hated. — Children naturally love to strum on the piano from curiosity; some easily learn to pick out a tune with one finger, beyond that, only a few really love music well enough to bear its drudgery cheerfully. Yet all boys, as well as girls, should be able to read notes both for the voice and for the fingers; and so much, doubtless, they will learn in school. If possible, they should learn to play, more or less, enough eventually to accompany a singer or read a hymn at sight. But it should be made as easy as possible; practise-time should be short, never over half an hour a day when the child is under twelve, and this divided into two periods. The real foundations of a musical education on any instrument, the endless routine of scales and exercises, should not be insisted upon where there is a genuine hatred for them, for in the end it will be found that there is nothing gained by the trouble taken. By all means cultivate a talent, only be sure there is a talent to be cultivated. Unless one is prepared to make a life- work of it, he cannot be a thorough musician. Music is some- times worth paying a large price for, but not always. Especially it is not right that a whole family be deprived of luxuries or even enjoyments that one member, merely, may be accomplished. A parent should try to gauge his child's abilities, tastes, and prospects, before starting him upon a musical education. A girl sometimes spends a large part of ten or fifteen years studying the piano or violin, and then on marrying gives up her music because of lack of time to practise. It would have been wiser to give her a broader mental training, opportunities for travel, and more leisure for the study of household economics. 176 THE MOTHERS' BOOK On the other hand, a small amount of instrumental music may be a delight to a family circle, especially where several in- struments are used. A boy can easily learn to play a banjo or guitar to his great enjoyment; these with the piano, and if possible the violin, a mother will find a great help as she tries to make her children happy at home. All Should Learn to Sing. — The normal child always loves to sing. It begins almost as soon as it can talk, its little voice often carrying a tune with astonishing accuracy. As it grows its repertoire increases, until, when ten years old, it may easily know from fifty to a hundred songs. A mother should develop this taste, gathering the chidren about the piano and singing with them. A good collection of famous songs should be purchased, and those national airs learned which are always valuable. The Scotch ballads, such as "Robin Adair," "My Heart's in the Highlands," and "Annie Laurie"; the English and Irish songs, "Gayly the Troubadour," "The Brave Old Oak," "Kathleen Mavourneen"; the German "Lorelei" and "The Watch on the Rhine"; the French "Marseillaise," and our own patriotic airs — should all be familiar, as well as the many beautiful Christmas songs, and the stately hymns of the ages. General Culture in Music. — Children should learn to under- stand and appreciate music as a part of their general education. In a city there are always afternoon concerts to be attended in the winter months, especially those of fine orchestral music intended for children. The life-story of each of the great com- posers should be known, the numbers on the programme ex- plained as far as possible, the motif made clear, and the child's ear taught to follow the different instruments. Children love such music, and will listen delightedly to a performance that is wholly classic. Where such concerts are beyond reach, a mother should try in some way to provide a substitute for them. Even in country places amateur recitals can be arranged with little trouble. It is a duty we owe our children to give them an in- telligent knowledge of the great composers and their works. Educational Value of Drawing. — As every girl was once expected to play the piano, so ability to copy landscapes in oil DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 177 or paint flowers in water-color, was considered imperative. We understand to-day that it is the training of the eye and hand that is essential, not the mere production of pictures. Every child is trained in colors and their values in the kindergarten, and in our public schools drawing is correctly taught. The children have cubes and cylinders, flowers and vegetables, and plaster casts, given them to copy, and ah this is most helpful, but the parents' interest in the child's drawings is necessary. A frame and mat of medium size with a movable back may be prepared easily, and into this the sketches may be slipped which a child makes at school, each one in turn giving place to a better. Of course no mother will be so unwise as to hang up these little pictures on the parlor wall for the eyes of callers; the child's own room, or better still, the mother's, is where they belong. Appreciation, not compliment, is to be desired. Sketching from nature in the summer vacation is interesting, and will be a real source of advancement if a child has any aptitude whatever. Unlike the study of music, there need be little or no tedious monotony about drawing. But the same course may be pursued as has just been suggested — lay the foundations well, let the child advance for a time, and then decide whether a special talent calls for a special training. One can do better things in this world than to paint crudely on china or caricature nature. If one is bom an artist, let him "thank God and take courage." If not, let him be content to work in other fields. Appreciation of Art. — But there is a general training in artistic appreciation quite apart from production, and for this a child needs artistic surroundings. If one is brought up in a house filled with gaudy furniture, poor pictures, and tasteless ornaments, it is doubtful whether years will eradicate all the mistaken ideas such things will give. It is not necessary that a home be luxurious to be artistic; good taste is needed rather than a large ouday of money. Furniture should be rather sim- ple, colors harmonious, and ornaments refined, to produce a beautiful whole. Especially the pictures should be good. Fine photographs of cathedrals, or statues or landscapes, are infinite- ly better than colored prints or crayon portraits or cheap 178 THE MOTHERS' BOOK woodcuts. One of the most valuable rooms in the house is the attic, where, as our tastes develop, those things that we have outgrown may be put out of our sight. Every house- keeper at intervals should weed her collection of pictures; if she cannot always put good things in the place of bad, at least the bad may disappear. The same principles hold true in buying books for children. It is not necessary that they should be illustrated, but if they are, the illustrations should be artistic. In every large city there are art-galleries of greater or less worth, but in all there are some good pictures; take the child to see these if possible. It is surprising how readily it will recognize the truth of a reproduction, and with a little instruc- tion will learn also to know something of artistic values. Our public schools do us service in hanging upon their walls copies of good pictures. There is a danger in ail this against which we should guard our children. The emphasis should not be placed upon music and art to the exclusion of other things. There is a demand in the world for the practical man and woman, and to overtrain a child on the ornamental side of his nature is to unfit him to cope with life's chief problems. ^* ^^ i^^ THE CHILD'S SUNDAY BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL IN William Black's pathetic story "A Daughter of Heth" there is a vivid description of a Scotch Sunday in the minister's cold, gray house. The boys and girls sit in the bare parlor studying the catechism, and the oldest, promoted to Josephus, has wickedly cut out the inside of that thick volume and converted it into the home of a secular white mouse. No one who has read the book can forget that picture. The Puritan's Idea. — Our own Puritan Sunday is not left so far behind us but that our fathers and mothers can tell stories DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 179 of days which seemed interminable in their solemn stillness. Charles Dudley Warner, in his charming book of New England life called "Being a Boy," says: "Long before sundown the Sunday-school book had been read, and the boy sat waiting in the house with great impatience the signal that the day of rest was over. When the sun (and it never moved so slow) slid behind the hills, the effect upon the watching boy was like a shock from an electric battery; something flashed through all his limbs and set them in motion, and no play ever seemed so sweet to him as that between sundown and dark Sunday night." The old hymns which spoke of the first day of the week as an "emblem of eternal rest," and of heaven as a place "where Sabbaths ne'er shall end," bring back to the mind of many a man and woman their childish dread of an eternity of dull doing nothing. To rest and to be bored are synonymous in the mind of a child. The active limbs crave movement, not relaxation, the active minds employment, not repose. The question is not, how shall we make our children's Sunday a quiet day, so much as how shall we make it a busy one. Making a Church Attractive. — In the morning there is al- ways the church service, and after a child is four or five it is old enough to attend this regularly. Many parents think Sunday-school enough for children, but, as a superintendent of a quarter of a century said recently, "If they cannot go to both, send them to the church service only. Experience has shown me that if they go to the Sunday-school alone they grad- uate from that without any habit of church attendance, and they never form one which is worth anything." Our churches to-day with their stained glass and flowers, their organ music, choirs, and responses, are calculated to attract and interest children rather than repel them, and yet, especially in our cities, few children attend church. A clergy- man with an audience of fifteen hundred recently counted just six children in his congregation, and this with a service lasting only an hour and a half. Parents seem to think that to take small children to church is a cruelty to them and to their elders as well, because of their 180 THE MOTHERS' BOOK restlessness. A little ingenuity, however, can prevent a child from being fatigued or uneasy. If, as a reward for attention during the early part of the service, a pad and pencil are given to it when the sermon begins, it will draw quietly for that half- hour. A paper doll or two, or even a doll twisted up out of mother's handkerchief, may not be amiss for a very small child; but, after one can read, the hymn-book will prove an unfailing source of amusement if one is shown how to find the hymns from the first lines given in the back. The day will come before the parents could expect it, when, without any suggestion, the child will feel ashamed to be en- tertained in church, and will begin to listen as the grown people do. If it is questioned when it comes home, and praised for having caught the text or some idea in the sermon, its pride will be aroused, and the problem of its attention in church will be solved. Meeting the Sunday-school Halfway. — As to Sunday-school, children cannot help loving that. What more could be done to make it delightful than has been done, when every con- ceivable device is employed for their pleasure and instruction ? Yet a parent should not depend altogether on the child's teacher; the lesson should be explained at home and thoroughly learned there. If books are drawn from the Sunday-school library the list should be made out by the parent, for these books are some- times the poorest of literature, full of pious twaddle or senti- mental cant. Fortunately a great change has been made in this respect of late years, and libraries are being placed in our Sunday-schools made up of books of standard excellence. Dinner, and Afternoon Occupations. — The Sunday dinner should be made one of the principal delights of the day to the children. It need not be elaborate, but it should be planned always to gratify their tastes, especially by way of the dessert. There should also be something extra in the shape of a treat after dinner, either of candy or of some other sweet, to mark the day. This will put them into such an agreeable frame of mind that they will entertain the suggestion willingly that their parents should be given a rest on Sunday afternoon. DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 181 If there is a large play-room they may be established there with their every-day clothes on, and a number of delightful things to do. The Sunday playthings will be taken out first; each little girl may have her doll, an especially pretty one which never appears except on this day. The boys may have dissected maps of Palestine to put together, or they may draw maps with colored chalks on the blackboard, which their parents are to see after- ward. Then there may be mottoes or Bible verses to be pricked on cardboard or sewTi in worsteds, or, most delightful of all, done in old-fashioned spatterwork. The children may also make scrap-books after any one of half a dozen plans, out of religious pictures cut out of papers and magazines on rainy week-days, or they may paint those already made. The doors of the Sunday library may be unlocked, and the books reserved for this day alone will seem full of interest. There should be a good "Life of Christ," a collection of Bible stories, "Pilgrim's Progress," and a few good story-books. The older children will enjoy a simple concordance to the Bible, and may vie with each other in wTiting out lists of birds or flowers or stones. The Father's Opportunity. — By the time all these things are exhausted, and the little limbs become restless again, the naps of the older people will be over and there will be an opportunity for noise. If the children's home is in the country nothing can fill up the rest of the afternoon better than a walk with their father. Too many busy men might be described by their children as a boy is said to have described his father, as "the man who spends Sunday here." Few children feel as welli acquainted with their father as with their mother, but Sunday! afternoon is his opportunity. But if there are only crowded pavements about the home, or if the day is stormy, still there are pleasant things to do indoors. There may be a Noah's ark under the dining-room table for four-footed beasts and creeping things. Daniel in the den of lions, or Joseph sold by his brethren, may be represented realistically. Or the example of one ingenious father may be followed, who had his boys sit on the stairs and answer questions of Bible history, each going up a step as he answered correctly, or down one as he failed. 182 THE MOTHERS' BOOK After the animal spirits of the children are somewhat quieted there is always that pleasantest of hours, the twilight time, when the family circle sing together their best-loved ballads and hymns — a time no child can ever forget. Then will come supper, which the children will always enjoy helping prepare; this should be something of a picnic meal, charming because of its unlikeness to any other during the week. After this the day will close happily enough, especially if last of all there is a story w^hich begins, "When I was your age — ." (5* tff^ ^* THE CHILD AND NATURE BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL THERE is a close connection between children and things in Nature, so close that they see and hear and imagine more than those who have grown out of childhood. The beauty and wonder of the world are all fresh to them, and every- thing they see is a marvel. Their quaint sayings are a perpetual delight to grown people, who can only wonder at their poetic interpretations of ordinary things. A little child watching the lightning exclaimed, " Oh, how the clouds open and shut their eyes!" A tiny little girl stepping softly over the morning lawn said, as she brushed the dewdrops, " See, the grass has been crying!" And so with everything from a silvery cobweb to a mountain top in the clouds, they see the mystery. It is only of late years that we are learning to cultivate this sense of nearness to Nature, and in the last decade books and essays have been written by our most serious men on themes which would have amazed our forebears. It is by no means a trivial thing to watch the ants or the bees, or see how the leaves are fastened to the twigs on the trees, or to observe the feeding of baby birds. We know to-day that all these are more important than some things which seem greater. Tlie Child's Interest in Nature. — In the country it is a simple DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 183 matter to train a child's powers of observation and teach him to take an interest in such things. From the time when he begins to understand words he will love to watch the cows and the chickens, and as soon as he can creep he will make his way to the flower-beds and snatch at the blossoms. And yet these things are only superticial, and as soon as he becomes better ac- quainted with them he may lose interest unless from them, step by step, he is led to others. A good way to begin with a growing child is to show him how the birds build their nests, and where. In the early spring, before the leaves have well grown, he will spy out the little new homes and see them grow, and then as the mother-bird lays her eggs and the little ones hatch, he will watch still, with keenest interest, till after they have learned to use their wings, and have gone to other places. He will see their ingenuity in building their nests, their infinite patience in raising and feeding their abnormally hungry young, and he will try and be patient too, shamed, if only a little, by them; he will learn to be thoughtful, as he is careful not to frighten the mother-bird as she broods, and kind, as he helps them find food, or sets out a drinking-pan for them near by. Nothing is more valuable to a child than lessons such as these, and he is always ready to learn them if only the ideas are suggested to him and he is encouraged to notice. Use of Books and Museums. — It is so, too, with learning about other things. There are simple books about bees which are most interesting, and others about ants which tell most wonderful things of their intelligence; there are books about chickens and other farm animals which waken an interest in their funny little ways; there are all sorts of books about flowers and trees and mosses and ferns. Whenever a child shows the slightest interest in any one thing it is always best to stimulate it by getting one or more of such books. In later life such train- ing will be invaluable. In a city it is not always so easy to help a child to this love of Nature, but it should be done, in spite of that. Every child loves to see things grow, and will take good care of a plant which begins in a seed and ends in a flower, watering it faithfully and 184 THE MOTHERS' BOOK delighting in it as it develops; and certainly a plant or two any child may have. Then there are the parks; here are squirrels to be fed and tamed, and caged animals to be looked at, and little insects and ants run all over the grass. " How I do love a bug!" sighed a little city girl as a pretty speckled ladybug rested a moment on her arm. How all children love bugs, and everything alive, if only their attention is called to them and their real beauty and charm pointed out. Pet Animals Useful. — Every child should have some live pets to feed and love, chickens, or rabbits, or white rats or mice, or pigeons, or anything which does not have to be kept shut up unwillingly. It is really better for a child to have no pets than those which are miserable behind bars, for keeping them there means unkindness. A boy has no right to a caged squirrel, but a white rat, which will doze in his pocket all day and go to bed happily in a box at night, is another matter. Rabbits, too, or guinea-pigs, do not seem to mind prisons, and they make excellent pets. A child will often find his own pets, and toads, even snakes, lizards, and such things, may be tamed and dearly loved by some child. A dog is one of the things that seem to belong to a boy by birthright. A fox-terrier, or other small, loving little fellow really adds infinitely to a boy's enjoyment, and if he is responsible for its care, it teaches him kindness. It is, indeed, really essential in training children by giving them pets, that they should at least in part take care of them. It should be a point of honor with a child that he feeds them, gives them water, cleans their cages if they are kept in those, and makes them comfortable. If he is allowed to shirk this duty, half the value of the pet morally is lost. One lesson of neglect, and consequent suffering to the loved little friend, is something to be remembered all one's life with pain, but it is one worth learning, after all. To be careful and conscientious in feeding a pet means a great deal to a care- less boy or girl. Enjoyment of Nature. — As we grow older we realize that as we love Nature or are indifferent to it, so our joy in life is in- creased or diminished. It means more and more to us to see the beautiful things about us, if only we are trained to notice them DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 185 and love them in childhood. Too many men and women are blind to the colors of sunsets or mountains or sea, and deaf to bird songs, and indifferent to flowers; and life seems sadder by far as age creeps on than it does to those who feel that Nature is a dear, close friend to them. The father or mother who constantly points out to a child these lovely things and tells the small, intimate facts about them, and creates an interest in them, is giving a clue to what later on will mean a great blessing. ^W (^W ^w TRAINING A CHILD FOR LIFE BY CAROLINE BENEDICT BURRELL ONE of the things which parents too often forget is that, after all, it is not the training of a child in itself which is the important thing, it is the preparation for adult life. It is so easy to think only of the health of the growing child, his schooling, his pleasures, his gradual development, and lose sight entirely of the fact that the whole thing is but the means to an end. The saying that one sometimes "cannot see the wood for the trees," exactly expresses the idea. The important thing is to get the boy or girl ready to live his or her own life when the parental rule is over. General or Special Training? — For this reason it is best to decide as early as is possible whether a child should go on with the common-school education or be fitted for college or pro- fessional life. A teacher can usually help one greatly in making a decision, for he knows better even than the child the bent of its mind, and his constant contact with growing boys and girls gives him an insight a parent, with limited opportunities, can- not have. If he is to go to college, then he must begin to prepare for it early, and not wait till the end of high school, when he will perhaps have not taken exactly the required studies for passing. So with other preparations for living. If the social life of 186 THE MOTHERS' BOOK the home is limited, and he is Hkely to go into some larger place, then he must if possible, receive some fitting for that. He should from time to time go out and see a little of the world, go to the nearest city and learn its ways, and read books bearing on the trade or business he is to follow, instead of waiting till the end and then taking a sudden plunge for which he is unprepared. The farmer's boy who wants to go to town to make his fortune begins with a tremendous handicap if when he is sixteen or eighteen he is thrown for the first time into its life. Long before that he should know something of it from personal contact. Training for Citizenship. — The training for citizenship should not be forgotten in bringing up a boy. His politics he will probably inherit from his father, but the trend of his ideas may be difi"erent; in any case the broader things should be con- stantly put before him, not the narrower; he should not hear the success of any party spoken of as of such importance as that of good government. He should be told of the good men, the unselfish men in power, not the mean ones; he should hear "graft" spoken of as a thing to be despised, and public honor as something to be held sacred. A boy is naturally idealistic, and he will respond to such suggestions as these and get a high ideal of political life — a far better thing to have than the view too many men hold that politics are "rotten" all through, and a vote something to be treated with indifference. It should never be thought sufficient to let a boy hear the bad side of po- litical life; he should hear more of its good side, and learn to re- gard his place in the body politic as one of importance; he should grow up to hold his vote as a high thing, and to strive to make the government better, in his own town and outside it, as far as his influence will count. The Training of a Girl. — A girl's training for grown life must be quite dift'ercnt from a boy's. She should be taught from early childhood that home-making is her province, and that all that comes within that she must know. She can learn to cook, to keep the house in order, to sew and mend, and to care for little children. When she grows into girlhood, still her education along these lines must not be neglected, but even DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 187 though she goes to college, or into society, she should still think of herself as one to make a home. It may be that she will never marry, but there are few wom- en who are not called on at one time or another to help in some one else's home, and if she would guard against that dreadful thing, a lonely old age, she must be ready to step into that vacfcnt place in a father's, a brother's, a friend's home, and fill it as though it were her very own. Fortunately, most women do marry, but not all of them have been trained to be home-makers, and many a mother is blamed by her daughter for not fitting her for adult life, for motherhood, for the care of a family and its responsibilities. Home-making of First Importance. — Often a girl, especially one in her teens, will determine on a "career" for herself, in music, painting, teaching, or possibly on the stage; perhaps she has really a talent for something of the kind, one her parents feel themselves bound to develop and cultivate; so she is ex- cused from home duties and permitted to give all her time to fitting herself for a future away from home. But this is all a mistake, one some one must pay for dearly later in life. Her talent may fail her, her health may break down, competition may be too keen for her and she may fall out of the ranks; then, if she has not had a home training, she is unfitted to go into her father's house, or that of any one else, and at that late day take up a life of happiness there. No matter how great a talent may appear to be, nor how unnecessary it may seem to fit a girl for any other life than that she will probably have, still she should receive exactly the same training as the girl who will stay at home till she marries and spend the rest of her years in bringing up children and keeping house. First and foremost in a girl's training should be the thought that she must be ready to be a home-maker before she is anything else. General Rules. — Among the many things a parent must remember in bringing up children and fitting them for adult life some stand out preeminently. They must be made strong and vigorous in body, sane of mind, broad in their views, well educated, honest, straightforward, truthful, and unselfish; they should consider life as a great opportunity, not a certain 188 THE MOTHERS' BOOK number of years to be spent in money making and spending, and in pleasure and comfort. For this outlook they should have the help of the parental living; they should see that father and mother guide their lives by such principles, and this example should be enforced by direct teaching on such lines till the children grasp the beauty and force of the ideals. If only children grow up into men and women who are the best possible, the sanest, the noblest, those most devoted to the best things, surely parents may feel that their own lives are blessed. ^V tffm t^i THE HOMELIKE HOME BY HELEN HUNT JACKSON NOTHING can be meaner than that misery should love company. But the proverb is founded on an original principle in human nature, which it is no use to deny and hard work to conquer. I have been uneasily conscious of this sneak- ing sin in my own soul, as I have read article after article in the English newspapers and magazines on the "decadence of the home spirit in English family life, as seen in the large towns and the metropolis." It seems that the English are as badly off as we. There, also, men are wide awake and gay at clubs and races, and sleepy and morose in their own houses; "sons lead lives independent of their fathers and apart from their sisters and mothers"; "girls run about as they please, without care or guidance." This state of things is "a spread- ing social evil," and men are at their wits' end to know what is to be done about it. They are ransacking "national character and customs, religion, and the particular tendency of the pres- ent literary and scientific thought, and the teaching and preach- ing of the public press," to find out the root of the trouble. One writer ascribes it to the "exceeding restlessness and the desire to be doing something which arc predominant and in- domitable in the Anglo-Saxon race"; another to the passion DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 189 which almost all families have for seeming richer and more fashionable than their means will allow. In these, and in most of their other theories, they are only working round and round, as doctors so often do, in the dreary circle of symptomatic re- sults, without so much as touching or perhaps suspecting their real center. How many people are blistered for spinal disease, or blanketed for rheumatism, when the real trouble is a little fiery spot of inflammation in the lining of the stomach! and all these difficulties in the outworks are merely the creaking of the machinery, because the central engine does not work properly. Blisters and blankets may go on for seventy years coddling the poor victim; but he will stay ill to the last if his stomach be not set right. There is a close likeness between the doctor's high-sounding list of remote symptoms, which he is treating as primary dis- eases, and the hue and outcry about the decadence of the home spirit, the prevalence of excessive and improper amusements, club-houses, billiard-rooms, theaters, and so forth, which are "the banes of homes." The trouble is in the homes. Homes are stupid, homes are , dreary, homes are insufferable. If one can be pardoned for the ! Irishism of such a saying, homes are their own worst "banes." ' If homes were what they should be, nothing under heaven could be invented which could be bane to them, which would do more than serve as useful foil to set off their better cheer, their pleasanter ways, their wholesomer joys. Whose fault is it that they are not so? Fault is a heaxy word. It includes generations in its pitiless entail. Sufficient for the day is the evil thereof, is but one side of the truth. No day is sufficient unto the evil thereof, is the other. Each day has to bear burdens passed down from so many other days; each person has to bear burdens so complicated, so interwoven with the burdens of others; each person's fault is so fevered and swollen by faults of others, that there is no disentangling the question of responsibility. Everything is everybody's fault is the simplest and fairest way of putting it. It is everybody's fault that the average home is stupid, dreary, insufferable — a place from which fathers fly to clubs, boys and girls to streets. 190 THE MOTHERS' BOOK But when we ask who can do most to remedy this — in whose hands it most hes to fight the fight against the tendencies to monotony, stupidity, and instability which are inherent in human nature — then the answer is clear and loud. It is the work of women; this is the true mission of women, their "right" divine and unquestionable, and including most emphatically the "right to labor." To create and sustain the atmosphere of a home — it is easily said in a very few words; but how many women have done it? How many women can say to themselves or others that this is their aim? To keep house well women often say they desire. But keeping house well is another affair — I had almost said it has nothing to do with creating a home. That is not true, of course; comfortable living, as regards food and fire and clothes, can do much to help on a home. Nevertheless, with one ex- ception, the best homes I have ever seen were in houses which were not especially well kept; and the very worst I have ever known w^re presided (I mean twannized) over by "perfect housekeepers." All creators are single-aimed. Never will the painter, sculp- tor, writer, lose sight of his art. Even in the intervals of rest and diversion which are necessary to his health and growth, everything he sees ministers to his passion. Consciously or unconsciously, he makes each shape, color, incident, his own; sooner or later it will enter into his work. So it must be with the woman who will create a home. There is an evil fashion of speech which says it is a narrowing and narrow life that a woman leads who cares only, works only for her husband and children; that a higher, more imperative thing is that she herself be developed to her utmost. Even so clear and strong a writer as Frances Cobbe, in her otherwise admirable essay on the "Final Cause of Woman," falls into this shallowness of words, and speaks of women who live solely for their families as "adjectives." In the family relation so many women are nothing more, so many women become even less, that human conception may perhaps be forgiven for losing sight of the truth, the ideal. Yet in woman it is hard to forgive it. Thinking clearly, she should DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 191 see that a creator can never be an adjective; and that a woman who creates and sustains a home, and under whose hands children grow up to be strong and pure men and women, is a creator, second only to God. Before she can do this, she must have development; in and by the doing of this comes constant development; the higher her development, the more perfect her work; the instant her own development is arrested, her creative power stops. All science, all art, all religion, all experience of life, all knowledge of men — will help her; the stars in their courses can be won to fight for her. Could she attain the utmost of knowledge, could she have all possible human genius, it would be none too much. Reverence holds its breath and goes softly, perceiving what it is in this woman's power to do; with what divine patience, steadfastness, and inspiration she must work. Into the home she will create, monotony, stupidity, antag- onisms cannot come. Her foresight will provide occupations and amusements; her loving and alert diplomacy will fend off disputes. Unconsciously, ever}^ member of her family will be as clay in her hands. I\Iore anxiously than any statesman will she meditate on the wisdom of each measure, the bearing of each word. The least possible governing which is compatible with order will be her first principle; her second, the greatest possible influence which is compatible with the growth of indi- \'iduality. Will the woman whose brain and heart are working these problems, as applied to a household, be an adjective? be idle? She will be no more an adjective than the sun is an adjec- tive in the solar system; no more idle than nature is idle. She will be perplexed; she will be weary; she will be disheartened, sometimes. All creators, save One, have known these pains and grown strong by them. But she will never withdraw her hand for one instant. Delays and failures will only set her to casting about for new instrumentalities. She will press all things into her service. She will master sciences, that her boys' evenings need not be dull. She will be worldly wise, and render to Csesar his dues, that her husband and daughters may have her by their side in all their pleasures. She will invent, 192 THE MOTHERS' BOOK she will surprise, she will forestall, she will remember, she will laugh, she will listen, she will be young, she will be old, and she will be three times loving, loving, loving. This is too hard? There is the house to be kept? And there are poverty and sickness, and there is not time ? Yes, it is hard. And there is the house to be kept; and there are poverty and sickness; but, God be praised, there is time. A minute is time. In one minute many live the essence of all. I have seen a beggar woman make half an hour of home on a doorstep, with a basket of broken meat! And the most perfect home I ever saw was in a little house into the sweet incense of whose fires went no costly things. A thou- sand dollars served for a year's living of father, mother, and three children. But the mother was a creator of a home; her relation with her children was the most beautiful I have ever seen; even a dull and commonplace man was lifted up and ena- bled to do good work for souls, by the atmosphere which this woman created; every inmate of her house involuntarily looked into her face for the keynote of the day; and it always rang clear. From the rosebud or clover-leaf which, in spite of her hard housework, she always found time to put by our plates at breakfast, down to the essay or story she had on hand to be read or discussed in the evening, there was no intermission of her influence. She has always been and always will be my ideal of a mother, wife, home-maker. If to her quick brain, loving heart, and exquisite tact had been added the appliances of wealth and the enlargements of a wider culture, hers would have been absolutely the ideal home. As it was, it was the best I have ever seen. It is more than twenty years since I crossed its threshold. I do not know whether she is living or not. But, as I see house after house in which fathers and mothers and children are dragging out their lives in a hap- hazard alternation of listless routine and unpleasant collision, I always think with a sigh of that poor little cottage by the sea- shore, and of the woman who was "the light thereof"; and I find in the faces of many men and children, as plainly written and as sad to see as in the newspaper columns of "Personals," "Wanted— a home." DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 193 THE GIRL OF FIFTEEN BY MARGARET E. SANGSTER WINSOME and clever, or thoughtful and brooding, merry or quiet, according to her temperament, the girl of fifteen is in some phases a problem to her mother, and in many ways a puzzle to herself. She is no longer a child to play freely with her mates in the games which delighted her at ten, and she is not yet a young woman, though she may have womanly tastes and aspirations. On certain subjects, as for instance her dress, her amusements, her studies, she has very decided views, and she is daily gaining in breadth and independence, though still under her mother's wing, and accustomed to refer all questions at issue to her for settlement as the final authority. Just now she needs more than ever the mother's loving guardianship and the wise mother keeps her daughter very close to her side in confidential affection, in daily intercourse, in the purest and most intimate association. For the little woman is passing through a transitional period in her development, and she can nowhere else be as safe and as sheltered as in the sweet seclu- sion of home. Should the mother decide to send her away to school, then the choice should be a matter of careful thought, and personal investigation — the atmosphere of the institution, the character of the teachers, and the social plane of the pupils being all passed under review. The associations formed in school may be of lifelong tenure, and it is well that a young girl's friendships be made among those who are the product of refined homes. At fifteen a young girl is full of enthusiasm. She adores her favorite teacher; she worships the classmate who seems to her ideally beautiful and faultless; she makes any sacrifice for her chum, and chameleon-like, unless she be of very strongly marked individuality, she takes on the color, absorbs the man- ner, and reflects the opinions of her companions. She expresses herself in superlatives, and exaggerates both likes and dislikes. It is far more important that a girl at this 194 THE MOTHERS' BOOK formative stage of her being shall be thrown with high-minded and gracious-mannered persons, than that she shall be thor- oughly drilled in Latin and mathematics, though this too is a worth-while thing. She resents the curb, and must be taught by example rather than by dictation. Her physical life is subject to well-known alternations and perils, and if she is to become physically a strong, well-poised woman, with firm health and serene vigor, she must now have the good food, the sound, abundant sleep, and the wholesome outdoor exercise which build up the body, and make it a fit instrument of a noble mind. . . . Fifteen takes its perplexities very seriously and grieves without restraint over its sorrows. Never was there a greater mistake than to suppose that early girlhood is a season of un- alloyed pleasure. To many girls it is a time of restlessness, of quicksands and reefs, of romantic dreams which bring only dis- appointments, and of poignant pain to sensitive natures which are wounded because misunderstood. The reserves of girlhood are an unfathomed sea. For no reason which she can explain, the young girl often withholds her thoughts and fancies from her parents, and folds herself in secrecy, like a rosebud not yet ready to bloom. It may be that her mother, who is her natural confidante, has been so busy and so cumbered with outside service in the church and in society, that she has lost her hold upon her child, and when this occurs it is a deplorable misfortune. For a daughter's first refuge should be her mother, her next best shield her father. Now and then it happens that a much-occupied father under- stands his little girl in a subtle way, uncomprehended by her mother. Her inexperience needs a guide, and she must be piloted over and across the perils which lie between her and the happy days awaiting her further on. The two watchwords of her life are sympathy and freedom, and she needs both in equal measure. Not every young girl can arrange her life as she desires. With severe endeavor and splendid self-denial, some daugh- ters of the mountain farm and of the city tenement secure a college education; but others must early begin to assist their DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 195 families by their o\\ti toil. In the great shops of our cities, and in every factory to^\^l, scores and hundreds of very young girls go to their daily avocations, and bring home their weekly stipend to help clothe and feed the younger children, and to ease the load which the hard-working parents carry. The accidents of circumstances do not materially affect the char- acter of the girl of fifteen, except that outside life and hard work as a rule mature her early. . A room of her very own, as tastefully appointed and com- fortably furnished as possible, should be every young girl's retreat. Here she may enjoy the half hours for devotion which tend to the soul's growth, and may read and study and entertain a girl friend, and be as independent of the rest of the family as she pleases. In this, her den, her nook, her bower, her special fancies may be indulged in, and her individuality find fit expression. If a girl admits me to her room, I need no other interpreter of her character. Her daintiness, her delicacy, her fondness for art, her little fads and caprices are here revealed. Does she care for athletics ? — her room tells the story. Her mandolin or banjo, her books on the swinging shelf, her desk, her dressing- table explain her, for wherever we live we set our seal, and this unconsciously. The untidy girl keeps her room in chaos and confusion: it looks as if swept by a small cyclone. The orderly and fastidious girl has a place for each belonging and puts it there without effort and without fuss. As for the room itself, it may be plain to bareness, or beautifully luxurious; a cell or a shrine, it owes its grace or lack of charm more to its occupant than to its paper and paint, its bed and bureau, its rug and chairs. When a mother cannot give her young daughter a whole room for herself, she should at least contrive for her a little sanctuary, by means of screens and curtains. Some one spot where she may rest the sole of her foot should belong to the young girl, if only a corner under the stairs, or a good-sized closet with a window and door. With its delicate papering of rose-pink or robin's-egg blue, its furnishings in white, its rocking-chair, its table, its sheer 196 THE MOTHERS' BOOK muslin draperies, its simple engravings on the wall, its cups and saucers that she may give her chum a cup of tea or choco- late, the girl's room need cost little in money. All the good things in this world do not depend on gold and silver, nor need we resign our right to beautiful surroundings because we must keep a strict rein upon expenditure, and have an eye to ways and means. Unless a young woman learns early to make the most of her little in hand, she will never be successful when she has a large sum in her stewardship. And this leads me to plead for my little Jeanie, my Gladys, my May, my Rosamond, whatever dear and lovely name this maid of fifteen summers bears, that she may have an allowance of her own, as well as a room of her own. Her little purse should have its regularly bestowed sum, given her weekly, monthly, or quarterly, and from it she should pay her legiti- mate personal expenses. Mothers sometimes give young girls a sufficient amount to buy their own wardrobes, and to cover every item of their journeying to and fro, of their luxuries and their charities. Jeanie should keep accounts; she should not run in debt; she should have a little margin; she should learn judicious saving, as well as careful spending, and at fifteen it should be her custom to lay aside a portion of her means for the Lord's treasury. One final word. A sensitive girl often suffers from the teasing proclivities of her brothers, and from the thoughtless despotism of her elder sisters. She has her rights and her privileges, and among them is immunity from needless jesting and careless tyranny. Nor ought a young girl to be reproved in public nor held up to ridicule, nor snubbed by any incivility. She is an unformed being to some extent, and to mar her in the making is exceedingly shortsighted and unkind. Exact from her the performance of her regular daily duties, in the taskwork of the school and in the routine of the home, but in- clude her in the simple household pleasures, and surround her with the protection of considerate politeness. If she is brusque, be the more delicately urbane. If she is wilful, treat her with gentleness. If she is disturbed and disquieted, find out the cause. Be true to her, and expect from her the truth. Teach DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 197 her to honor her body and to conserve her health. And above all things else love her, and let her feel herself beloved. ^9* ^3* ^^ SPEAKING AND ITS FAULTS ONE may read in the literature devoted to the mental growth and to the training of children much learned discussion of the development of speech, and the reasons for this and that. The most prominent fact is that the baby's first efforts at talking are imitative. It calls the cow "moo-moo," and cries "ting-a-ling" when it hears the bells ring. When it comes to forming words, which it overhears, or is regularly taught, it copies them not only in the language of its teachers, but in the form, good or bad, in which they pronounce and use them. But its organs of speech are a delicate and strange instrument, which it requires much practice to use quickly and correctly. Many of the sounds of letters, especially some of the consonants, are very difficult for the baby's tongue, and it often happens that even after it has learned many words, and knows how to form sentences, what it says is almost unin- telligible to a stranger. These mispronunciations can hardly be helped at first, and are sometimes most amusing, so thought- less parents indulge them, and prolong their funny period (they are, indeed, largely responsible for it) by themselves speaking in the mangled nonsense called "baby talk." The mother's impulse is to make her speech show the tenderness of her love and delight; but she can do this quite sufficiently by tone and look, without sacrificing her darling's lessons in language. No one more than she wishes for the time when the little one can answer her, and they can really converse. Will she not enjoy it better if, as fast as he gets command of his voice, he articulates as distinctly and pronounces as correctly as he can the words he uses? Baby talk is a mistake. Let the little prattler learn good speech while he is about it — words fairly pronounced and accented, and sentences properly composed. Later, constant watchfulness is necessary, not only of the child, 198 THE MOTHERS' BOOK but of himself, by the parent, against fauhs he does not want to hear imitated. Children not only copy but invent tricks and objectionable habits of speaking, for they love to play with their new accomplishment. They mumble their words, or drawl, or stammer, or hesitate, with a sucked-in a-a-h between every phrase or two. Contortions of the face, and particularly of the mouth, in speaking, should be corrected. The voice itself ought to be looked after. Yelling and screeching may strain the vocal cords, and permanently ruin what would other- wise be a pleasing voice. Gentle, nicely modulated, yet full tones add greatly to a person's agreeableness, especially in women; and girls ought to be especially careful not to spoil their naturally good gifts in this direction. But these faults will least often make their appearance in those who hear correct speech and pleasant tones at home. %^% %^i (,5% ASSOCIATION OF MOTHER AND SONS MRS. POTTER PALMER, of Chicago, one of the fore- most women of the Middle West, feels that the close association between mother and sons which she has observed prevailing in England ought to be more frequent here. " I have always had a theory," Mrs. Palmer told some ladies, "that where a boy keeps himself aloof from his mother and his sisters, he loses many manly qualities and fails to have the proper understanding and respect for womanhood. In his association with his owti sex, the boy naturally cultivates rough- ness. The animal is very strongly developed in him, and there is nothing that will refine this animal spirit so well as the in- fluence of a good mother and sister. The influence is best strengthened by the mother making herself an important part of the boy's actual life. I of course do not believe in molly- coddle boys any more than any other sensible woman does. I do not like a girlish boy, but I do admire a boy who is deferential and thoughtful of every woman; a boy who knows when to remove his hat, when to step forward and help a woman, when DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 199 to see that his strength is needed to take his mother and his sisters and all other women over the rough places which they are unfitted to travel alone. "A mother who encourages her boy to talk freely to her about all that comes up in his daily life, is certain to find that he be- comes deferential in his conversation. He will learn what wounds her, and try to avoid it. He will gradually see where she really needs his assistance, and he will be glad to give it, because it makes him a protector. When he has the thought well imbedded in his mind that he is a protector of his mother, the other thought will follow that he must always be a pro- tector of other women." ^W %^ iff^ TWO SORTS OF IMPERTINENCE YOUTHFUL impertinence is a fault for which parents should blame themselves mainly, for it rarely appears in a household where mutual respect and politeness prevail. Little children may, it is true, say very saucy things, yet quite innocently. Gentle reproof, and an explanation of how such words hurt mamm.a's feelings, and therefore are naughty, will prevent their repetition, so that, with watchfulness, a child will no more think of impudence toward the elders of its acquain- tance than of stealing their property. Note, however, that in such families the elders are equally free from impertinence to the youngsters. This, like so many others of the rules govern- ing relations between members of the same household, is a rule that works both ways or not at all. If, on the other hand, a careless father looks upon childish " sauce" as cute and laughable and encourages rather than checks it, he must not be surprised at mortifying disrespect and impudence in later years. As for the shocking rudeness displayed back and forth in many an ill-regulated family, a single hearing will be enough to warn any thoughtful young parent against letting such a state of things grow up in his home! Another kind of impertinence, by young people to each 200 THE MOTHERS' BOOK other, is a dangerous habit of speech to fall into, since it is liable to cause distress and harm which are not only needless but are not really intended. Girls are more guilty of this than boys — perhaps because they feel denied the use of rougher methods — yet seem prompted in most cases not by a Teally impudent or cruel spirit so much as by a fondness for saying "smart" things, and seeing the victim squirm. To be witty in a personal way, yet not sting, is a fine art hardly to be ex- pected of a school-girl; and her attempts often do sting sorely. It is bad enough when she hits at some sensitive companion of her own sex and class; it is worse when she darts at an un- offending lad some acid sarcasm as unjust as it is humiliating. If he is a gentleman the boy has no means of reply or defense in kind, and the hurt may remain long, or a good friendship be killed on the spot. Perhaps the girl did not mean what she said, or intend it to be taken seriously, and is both surprised and saddened (in secret) by the result of her reckless fling. If her suffering teaches her that a lady will treat her companions with respect in the midst of the gayest badinage, and keep her tongue within kind as well as polite limits, she will gain a lesson worth its cost. If not, she is likely to become that most dis- agreeable of women and dreadful of wives — the termagant. t^* t,5* (f?* SIMPLIFYING HOUSEWORK BY MARION HARLAND BY way of establishing a frank and friendly understanding between writer and reader, we will admit, at the begin- ning of our talk, that nothing can make American housekeeping easy. At the same time, it is comforting to bear in mind that the easiest things are seldom the best things. There are many reasons why the woman who "runs a house" in this land and at this day should have more and severer duties to perform than a housekeeper in the same station, and with the same means, in Great Britain, or on the continent of Europe. It DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 201 may reconcile our housewife to her lot and clear away a diffi- culty or two if we consider a few of these reasons. The newness of our nation runs through every department of life and labor. Nothing is firmly and definitely settled. The English farmer's wife cooks in the same kitchen and in the same saucepan that her mother used, and occupies exactly the same position filled by her grandmother. She has little new to learn, and knows the old thing well. If both ends meet and a tidy sum goes into the savings-bank every year, she is contented. No thoughts of building a house twice as fine as that over her head keep her awake at night. So long as her boys have steady work, and she sees her girls well behaved, in- dustrious, and, like the Scottish cotter's Jeannie, "respectit like the lave," her ambition for them is gratified. We hear a vast deal said of the evil effects of American worry upon American women, in crippling their energies and shortening their lives. Comparatively little is written or spoken of the element of restlessness that sets worry a-going. The wife of the farmer, or mechanic, or clerk, or small storekeeper never settles in her own mind just where she belongs. To use a slang phrase — ''she never gets there." Consequently, she never finds a resting-place for mind and body. By the time her house is decently furnished, she begins to contrive how it can be made "smart," as the English women say. The Ameri- can uses a more objectionable word when she calls it "genteel." The girls take music-lessons, and a piano must be bought. Her children have playfellows who dress well, and she would not have her little ones seem mean or shabby. . . . I wonder, sometimes, what would be the effect upon our bustling, worried housewife, were she to determine, once for all, just what her sphere in life is, and make up her mind to fill the station to which God has called her full, before straining and panting to climb to a higher. When will we study the old, sadly true, and neglected lesson that it is not the duty or trial of to-day that wears us out, but planning and hoping and dread- ing for to-morrow? Again, our housekeeper living, as she does always, a little ahead of her actual position and of her strength, if not ahead of 202 THE MOTHERS' BOOK her means, does not keep enough servants, considering the size of her house and family. While it is true that the more "help" one has of the kind furnished by intelligence offices and the "wants" columns of the daily papers, the worse off she is apt to be, there is cruelty to herself in undertaking to do all the work of a household that must be kept abreast of the neighbors. It is cruelty of a kind that kills wives and mothers of tener than poverty and want. The American matron is a wonderful creation, and not to be found out of our favored country; but bones, blood, muscle, and nerve were never made that could bear, without injury, the life she sets for herself when she undertakes to do all of the work of such an American home as she will have. Another thing that makes her load grievous and hardly to be borne, even when she "tries to favor her strength" by means of hired help and modern conveniences, is lack of proper train- ing for the housekeeper's business. The life led by our girls up to the time of marriage is ac- countable for much of this deficiency. If mothers of every station were bent upon ^wqualifying their daughters for what probably lies before them, they could not go more zealously to work to secure the evil end. Our public and private schools and colleges "keep up the standard" so fiercely that she who would rank well in her class has not time to make a pudding, or to hem a handkerchief during nine months of the year, and needs the other three for recuperation. After graduation, the girl's harness is stripped off, and she is turned into the social pasture for a run that lasts until she is caught and noosed for life. . . . My indignation expends itself upon the inconsiderate, or weakly indulgent, or ambitious mothers who let daughters waste in useless follies time that should be given, in part, at least, to diligent preparation for the calling to which they are directed by nature and public sentiment. Not one girl in ten thousand expects, or is expected, to pass all her life in the home of her girlhood. What censure is too harsh for the conduct of the parent who, ignoring this solemn truth, fails to instruct her in the practical details of the profession she is almost certain to enter ? DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 203 TEMPER, AND HOW TO MEET IT THE question of the child's exhibitions of temper is one upon which maternal opinion is divided, probably with good reason. As Mrs. Washburne puts it: "There are those who think that the baby shows real temper within the first few months of life, and not only that, but that he can be taught by pain of various kinds to control his temper. There are others who think that genuine temper and self-will are impossible before the end of the first year, and that therefore any attempt at discipline is quite out of place. " In children who are eight months old or more, there appears sometimes a violent, destructive anger, very hard to reckon with. In these emotional paroxysms the child destroys any- thing within his reach, screaming meanwhile at the top of his lungs: and Mrs. Washburne rightly regards a child in such a tantrum as temporarily insane. There is certainly no use in arguing with him, and still less use in threatening. The only thing to do is to keep as still and cool as possible yourself, and to act promptly. You have the advantage o*f your size; make use of it. Pick him up and carry him to a quiet place where there is nothing which he can injure and leave him there. Solitude and silence are his best helpers. "The thing we ought to try to do," this lady counsels, "is, first, to avoid as far as possible all occasions for such display of temper, for it is very easy to form in a child the habit of emotional uncontrol. Especially is this so when a child inherits from either father or mother that nervous weakness which we call quick temper. We need to establish a habit of poise and of quiet, and therefore td remove as far as possible all temptations. This does not mean at all that the child should have his own way in everything for fear of an outbreak of temper. On the contrary, he must never be allowed to feel that he gains any- thing by a display of temper, except quiet and solitude. It means simply that we should look ahead; and when we know, for example, that being lifted suddenly out of a warm bath into a comparatively cold room brings on crying, we should try to 204 THE MOTHERS' BOOK have a warm towel handy, and perhaps something to distract his attention, like a piece of candy popped into his mouth at the psychological moment. Or when we know that he be- comes restless and irritable when his meals are long delayed, we should put ourselves out to see to it that they are not delayed at all. And so with other recognized causes of bad temper. But when, on the other hand, he is really in a temper despite our best efforts, we must see to it that he does not get what he is screaming for. Even if it is right in itself, it is not right to let him have it while he is screaming, lest he come to think that letting go of himself is a good way of getting what he wants. Physical motion of all sorts forms a good vent for such nervous and emotional excitement. If the child can be induced to run out of doors, or can be given a hammer to pound with, or in any other way can be. led to work off the nervous excitement through muscular activity, his temper will evaporate harmlessly. The cures for temper, then, are: First, avoidance of provo- cation; second, distracted attention; third, active physical exercise; and fourth, if all these fail, solitude and quiet until the storm has blown itself out. ^W ^% %^9 SUBMISSION IT is the opinion of many whose judgment is well worth heeding, that the first day of a baby's life is not too soon to impress upon the dawning intelligence the necessity of submission to circumstances and law; of obedience to authority and the value of self-control. For example, Dr. Emelyn L. Coolidge, an eminent specialist in the care of infants, declares: "The cry of temper should never be given in to or the mother will regret it later. Baby's training must be begun from the first day. He should not be rocked to sleep, trotted, nor walked the floor with, nor allowed to suck his thumb or 'pacifier.' All of these habits will soon have to be broken, so why begin them ? He needs all the love he can get, but he should be made a happy little blessing and not a naughty little tyrant. " DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 205 This seems a severe doctrine, but the last sentence explains and justifies it. It has been sagaciously said that the moment the first, or any, baby arrives, the question presents itself — "Shall the house adjust itself to the baby or the baby to the house?" No one who has seen the former condition will uphold that policy. Family love may center about a baby, but there is no reason why all the family should be upset for years by the whims of a little animal who hasn't the least idea of v.^hat he is about or how it affects others. If you have a puppy that is worth raising, you treat him substantially as well as you do your son or daughter, but you don't hesitate to compel him to behave himself, nor do you disarrange your usual manner of life. The two animals are pretty closely alike for a while; and the mother might often save herself and her baby much trouble and sorrow then and afterward if she took a hint from the method her husband uses with his precious puppy. Almost every mother has to decide very early whether she or the newcomer is to rule. " If his mother is a washerwoman, he gets no answer ' ' as Mr. Abbott remarks; "she goes about her washing and he finds his place without much remonstrance. The children of the poor are blessed with mothers who have this problem settled for them by the gaunt hand of necessity. If, however, this lordling has been born in the purple, even of a very light shade, he has a good chance of seizing the scepter at the very first grasp. He certainly will seize it and wield it relentlessly, if his mother decides to do the easiest thing. Of course, there are cases which cannot be considered normal. Ordinarily, however, the issue is not long postponed. Probably it will be most dis- tinctly varied over a question of feeding. The foundation of an absolute monarchy within many a plain American home has been laid by allowing the diminutive heir apparent to engage in midnight feasting when every consideration of orderliness commanded sleep." This does not necessarily imply harshness or a Spartan in- difference to the little one's discomfort, or refraining from the indulgent and comforting caresses which mean so much to both mother and child. "The divine plan," remarks Kate E. Blake, "seems to be to lead little children by delights as 206 THE MOTHERS' BOOK well as by penalties, . . . When all physical requirements are satisfied, there remains for the human being, not only intellec- tual requirements, but spiritual and moral ones. Love is the deepest force in the life of the adult being; one might sus- pect from this that it has its roots deep in the emotional nature of the child — deeper than in his brain, even." Nevertheless, whether or not parents may have the courage, or think it wise, to make the fight in the cradle there is no ques- tion but that a baby accustomed to submit and adjust itself to circumstances and regulations will more easily take the next step, which is Obedience. t^^ ((?• t?* SHALL THE BOY STAY IN SCHOOL? THIS is a question which is forcing itself upon the attention of parents everywhere. It is even said to be more in- sistent now than formerly, because it seems to be harder each year to keep the boys in school. The schools are graduating more girls than boys. The boys are taken with the money germ; they want jobs and to begin to earn. They hear of men who have made, or are making, money, but who had little schooling, and they are ambitious to follow in their steps. They think education not worth while. So the parents have on their hands the problem of deciding either to compel the boy to go to school or permit him to take a job, or to convince him that education has uses he does not yet understand. An experienced Western educator, Jacob Saunders, thinks it depends on the boy, some boys being manifestly too stupid with books to go beyond the three R's, wherefore it is better for all concerned to let them go to work. But the average boy should be shown clearly the great advantages of a good education, and the serious loss to himself in all his future if he neglects his opportunities to get it. " The boy who is seized with the desire to set to work at once as a money-maker should be shown that he is in danger of defeating his own ambitions in this very direction by making too DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 207 early a start with an uncultivated mind. Starting only with an elementary education, he may for a time earn a better living than the boy who studies his books and then has to take time to get started. But the boy with a trained mind will in all prob- ability pass the former boy after a few years in affairs. At thirty the educated man will probably be ahead, and then he will keep ahead. The uneducated boy will find himself thrown later with men of finer training, perhaps first-class education, and he will not be able to compete with them. Also the man of education will always be ahead of the others in the social sphere. The man who quits school too early will find himself at a great disadvantage intellectually among men of better training." ^* ^* ^w SHALL YOUR BOY FIGHT? BY MARGARET E. S.ANTGSTER MOST fathers answer this question in the aflfirmative. Few mothers do so without anxious thought and grave doubt. It would seem a nobler thing for a little fellow of ten or twelve to refuse to fight and to endure hard knocks with patience, than to hold his own on the playground by return- ing blow for blow. Yet the lad who does this, whether he be younger or older, is likely to be misunderstood, and observation, in my judgment, shows that in boy-life it is often necessary to win peace by personal valor. A boy who is known to be ready in the art of self-defense is not often molested by the bully, the latter being generally a coward. A mother hates to see her little man of ten disfigured by a black eye, though there are many worse things that may come to him, and she should not too hastily condemn him if he stand up for himself at need in a fair fight. A boy should never tyrannize over one who is younger and weaker than himself. He should never fight a smaller boy. He should not hesitate for an instant to fight, if fight he must, preferably with his fists, in self-defense or in defense of a dumb animal, a little girl, a cripple, or a smaller 208 THE MOTHERS' BOOK boy. At least, this is the conclusion which I have reached after a good deal of thought on the subject. Moral courage is a far higher quality than physical, and there are many times when it is braver to decline a fight than to accept one. Still, in a world full of perils, physical courage, inclusive of readiness, steadiness, poise and quickness, should never be at a discount. I should be ashamed of a boy who would not fight to save a cat or dog from persecution at the hands of cruel tormentors. I should equally regret to see in a lad the sort of bluster and boasting that goes about with a chip on its shoulder, ready to pick a quarrel with any one for the mere sake of strife. Taking boys in general, we find them quite able to manage their own affairs without too much interference on the part of their elders. They have a robust love of fair play. Last sum- mer, in conversation with a ministerial friend who understands boys and boy life, I was interested in his point of view. "I usually stand aside," he said, "when the boys have a dispute. As a rule, I find that if they are allowed to settle their own differences, even if the matter reaches the crisis of a fight, they shake hands and are good friends afterward." Our boys are preparing for life in the larger worid. Almost before we know it, they will be in college, in business, some- where in the thick of the great fight that is always going on. We want them to be morally and physically fit for the conflict. In settling for ourselves the question, Shall the small boy fight, or shall he refrain from fighting? we must think of his future. The one thing he cannot do is to run away. He must not show the white feather. If he declines a fight, he must be strong enough to show in other ways that he does it through no lack of courage. ^* ^» tff^ SELF-TRAINING OF A ''KID" ONE of the hardest lessons for many women to learn is not to worry over the seeming recklessness of their chil- dren. They find it hard to realize that, if it comes to a choice DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 209 it is better for self and husband and all the family that a youngster should now and then get a bruise or a cut or even a broken limb, than that the mother should wear out her owti and others' nerves by complaining fears of what may never happen. Your child, dear madam, and particularly your boy, is a young ani- mal. His business in life at present is to grow; all his natural energy is devoting itself to building up and strengthening his body by exercise. His restlessness is just as natural as his hunger. Nature has implanted in him as in all other young animals an instinct for play, by which he trains himself with trial and experience for teachers. His father understands this better than you do, when he dubs mother's darling "the kid." Day by day your kid, like a real one, must try his powers — must run and jump and leap and climb, and butt and be butted, struggling against rough nature and matching him- self against other beginners in life's competition. Nature urges him on in this unconscious schooling — dares him to do feats — and now and then sets him a hard lesson ; but nature does not want to lose him any more than you do. Therefore she has planted in his mind, beside the necessary eagerness for exertion, a proper fear of pain — a discernment of what is dangerous — • which leads him to be cautious. He is more careful than you think. He has, like other animals, an instinct for self-preserva- tion. Let him climb. He is ordinarily a better judge of his ability than you are. The chances are a thousand to one that he won't fall, and if he does the probability is that it won't hurt him much. His body is light and its frame elastic. At any rate it is better to have him tumble now and then than to have him too careful of himself to take risks. You may di- minish the risks which alarm you by judicious instruction, and by encouraging physical training; but if you try to repress the experience necessary for manly development the result is likely to be either a mollycoddle, or more likely, a violent seizing upon chances to test his power behind your back. Then a real recklessness will appear, due to haste to take ad- vantage of his opportunity, revolt against undue restraint, and ignorance of what his powers really are. "In all possible ways," advises one who has given much thought to this anxiety- 210 THE MOTHERS' BOOK breeding phase of childhood, "your object is to get him to con- sider his own muscles, and the habit of cultivating sanely the force he must exert to overcome a given difficulty. Master of the little world around him he is destined to become. He will never cease in his efforts to this end; nor do you, if you but think about it, wish him to cease. Your duty, then, is to help him in the struggle, by giving him full opportunity, unhindered by womanish qualms, and by fitting him to conquer by every means in your power." ^W ^w ^* NAMING THE BABY IT would seem as though almost every conceivable reason had influenced parents in naming their children except con- sideration for the child's feelings after it had grown old enough to realize what a trick had been played upon it. A name is a label which must be carried all through life, and remembered afterward. It should be as distinctive as may be, yet not so conspicuous as to cause wonder, or smiles, or, worst of all, constant punning. Some names are a needless torture to sensi- tive owners, while, on the other hand, an agreeable name is not only a source of satisfaction but may be a real advantage. Edward Everett Hale once met a young author of some reputa- tion with the greeting: "I am glad to meet you, and make sure your name is your own; it is so good I have thought it might be a pen-name." Why should a person who wishes to attract favorable, or at least avoid unfavorable, attention in a business way, so often feel compelled to invent a new and more pleasing name ? Usually because his mother failed to look ahead when he was the subject of the household query : "What shall we name the baby?" There ought to be given at least one Christian name well fitted by sound and sense to go with the surname. Such names as Sydney Smith, Robert Burns, Florence Nightingale, gain much from their euphony in combination. How harsh would DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 211 have been Ellen Nightingale, and how fun-provoking Virginia Nightingale! Appropriateness is often laughably violated, as when an infant, dark-skinned as an Indian, and likely to follow her family in growing up short and stout, is named Lily; or her tall, blonde cousin, Violet. Smoothness of sound; ease of pronunciation, and of being shortened into a good "nickname"; appropriateness; and such distinction as can be gained, ought to be considered when the choice is made. If this were done newspapers would not rejoice in items poking fun at queer names, whose owners have shed bitter tears, no doubt, over the unwisdom of those who first inflicted them upon innocent victims. ^5* ^3^ v* MAY CHILDREN BE NOISY? SOMEBODY has declared that he "wouldn't give a snap" for youngsters who didn't make a noise, meaning that their disposition to stillness showed that they lacked vigor. This in many cases might be true; but whether we can agree with the proposition generally depends a good deal upon when and where the noise is made, and what it is about; also, who is the maker. We are likely to be more annoyed by a racket coming out of our neighbors' yard than with that which is going out of our own — a fact worth remembering! Much of the noise made by children cannot be prevented, in fairness, and ought not to be. A good part of both the crowing and the crying of babies is merely exercise; and this is largely true of the tots in the nursery and of the smaller children on the playground, whose shrill cries and shouts, laughter and friendly wrangling, are a part of nature's method of developing chest and lungs and larynx in the human animal. If the racket is near by we don't like it — but what's the use of scolding? Better betake ourselves to a quieter place than spoil the fun and get ourselves hated. When we grown-ups get excited at a ball-game, or when election- returns are coming in, do we not wake the echoes — sometimes 212 THE MOTHERS' BOOK with horns and cannon to help us? Think of that when the youngsters make a great din. "'Tis their nature to," and is probably doing them good. Of course in the house, school- room and other unsuitable places or time, skylarking and noisy behavior must be controlled, but in general be chary of suppress- ing the happy clamor of proper play, because there will come times when you must do so and expect prompt obedience, willing- ly given because it is felt you must have a good reason for the unusual request, "There are people," to quote Mr. E. H. Ab- bott, " for whose nerv^es children should be made to have some regard; there are invalids who do not thrive on din; there is necessary work which cannot be done in the midst of a racket; there are neighbors who declare, with some show of right, that they regard monopoly in noise as against public policy. So, whether for Cousin Bettina's nerves, or a tired mother's rest, or a busy father's interview with a creditor, or merely for the sake of reputation with the neighbors, it may be best to disre- gard all other factors and insist on quiet." Now it will not be easy to insist on quiet on such occasions unless you endure reasonable noise under ordinary circumstances. Deal fairly by the little ones and they will deal fairly by you. ^v x^^ v^ THE USE AND ABUSE OF HOLIDAYS THE question of holidays, and in particular of the long summer vacation, is one which often gives parents anx- ious thoughts. It may be doubted whether the present custom of nine months of schooling and three months' idleness is the wisest that could be made; would it not be better to study right through the year, with four short intermissions annually, thus accomplish- ing in three years what now takes four ? Doubtless many parents would welcome such rearrangement. At present, the short inter- ludes at Christmas and Easter give little trouble at home; each has special amusements and observances in which all are interest- DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 213 ed and occupied, and which are, or may be, occasions of profit as well as joy. But the long summer vacation is undoubtedly a trial to that large part of our population which resides in cities and has a small income. Their houses are small — often mere apartments; the mother does all or most of the household work; the father, however willing, can be of little assistance to her; and perhaps the only out-door playground is the street. To the tens of thousands of decent and hopeful families in such cir- cumstances holidays are a terror rather than a joy, and the chil- dren themselves welcome the reopening of school. The case is not easy to meet, but the best solution seems to be some sort of regular occupation. For rural folks no counsel seems needed in this direction, except not to forget that boys have a fair claim to time for play, and an inborn need to go a-fishing about once in so often. In town, let the boys, after a few days of freedom, go on a farm or into a factory, store, or office. They expect to do so a few years hence — why not begin their training now? The money they earn will be small, but will feel good in the pockets, and brain rest gained in change of work is better than that gained by loafing. Some girls might find similar employ- ment, but it would be better for them to take this opportunity for lessons in housekeeping, relieving the mother of all the tasks and responsibility for which they are fitted. One diflfi- culty here is to get the average mother to let her daughter help her systematically, and in the relief from strain, take something like vacation herself; yet that is the only way to train the girl thoroughly, and probably she is much more capable than she is given credit for. As to families more fortunately situated, the most important caution is one against permitting the excitement of plentiful amusements, seaside life, or forest-camping, to blot out all recollection of studies. In one way or another, by tutors, by an hour or so of regular reading daily in the line of school -work, by the pursuit of some specialty in science or art or linguistics, the mind should be kept toned up for the business of the coming autumn and winter. In short, children should not be allowed to make vacation days a dread to their parents and a waste to themselves. 214 THE MOTHERS' BOOK FITTING A CHILD, OR MAKING A CHILD FIT IT is a general belief, and in most cases a well-founded one, that children show pretty early some indication of what they are fitted to do. Parents will do well to look for these indications, and pay more attention to them than often is given. It would not only set a good many careers right, but it might save a lot of wasted money and tears. " There ought, " exclaims Zelia M. Walters, "to be a protest raised against the slavery to the piano that is practised in many American homes. Almost every motlier who can buy the piano and pay for the instruction wishes to make musicians of her children. Long, weary hours of practice are imposed on the children, and any love of music that they may have had in the beginning is turned to loathing. The result is a performer who, though she may play anything, as is proudly claimed, can never be a musician. We are overrun with such performers. Mothers should learn that it takes something more than the skill to strike the right key to make a musician." On the other hand a young person's fancy must not be al- lowed to run away with good judgment, as often happens, especially in the case of a bright child who thinks he or she can paint or write or sing his or her way to fame and fortune in a few short years. What millions of money and years of lost effort and soul-searing disappointment have been due to this species of mistaken notion. Let the "budding genius" try a flight near home — in a newspaper office, or a scene-painter's studio, or a church choir, and get some idea of the work to be done and hard conditions met, before launching out. If the trial fails, the gain of knowledge is worth all the cost and delay. c5* t^* *^* CREEPING INTO KNOWT^EDGE IT is no easy thing for a baby to balance the oversized body upon the undersized legs and uninstructed feet, and move them in the steady succession of steps which constitutes DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 215 walking. Heretofore he has been exploring the world on hands and knees, and has acquired a great amount of infor- mation thereby, which will presently stand him in good stead. The creeping period is, as Mrs. Kate E. Blake has said, a trying period for the young mother who has rejoiced in the dainty sweetness of her baby, and especially in its dear little hands. From this time on, however, if he grows as he should, only on rare occasions will he satisfy her ideas of cleanliness. " Other things being equal, it may safely be affirmed that the baby who is always immaculately clean will grow up to be a weak-minded man, his intellectual development having been sacrificed to his mother's idea of neatness. This hard doctrine leads to an explanation of what most mothers have little thought of — that creeping, while not a physical necessity to an infant, though an excellent exercise, is a real necessity of his intel- lectual life. The child has now reached the stage when he desires to know more about distant objects — he has just begun, in fact, to get an idea of distance, an idea which is necessary to true seeing. The idea of distance seems to rise from re- peated experience of the amount of effort required to reach any object in view. He is dependent upon experiments for other fundamental notions, such as ideas of hardness, softness, height, depth, breadth, thickness, smoothness, roughness — • physical qualities and attributes of all sorts. "To restrict him to a specially prepared corner, however safe and convenient for the mother, is likely to limit the material from which the child is constructing his future power to think." On this subject Preyer, the great German observer of chil- dren, remarks: "Creeping, the natural preparatory school for' walking, is but too often not permitted to the child, although it contributes vastly to his mental development. For liberty to get a desired object, to look at it and to feel of it, is much earlier gained by the creeping child than by one who must always have help in order to change his location It cannot be a matter of indift'erence for the normal mental development of the child not yet a year old whether it is packed in a basket for hours, is swathed in swaddling-clothes, is tied to a chair, or is allowed to 216 THE MOTHERS' BOOK creep about in perfect freedom upon a large spread, out- of-doors in summer, and in a room moderately heated in winter." Of course he must be suitably dressed for those daily ex- cursions which in properly warmed houses ought to be al- lowed to extend everywhere, even at the expense of providing fenders for fireplaces and ridding tables of long covers, whose dangling corners may be pulled, bringing with them lamps, vases and other dangerous things. To guard doorways and stairways with gates or boards sliding in grooves is not difficult; but it is easy to teach yearling babies not to fall over precipices. Thousands of children are born and reared on boats, and fall into the water no oftener than other youngsters. One lady has recorded how, by having some one push her little one over the edge of a high porch into her arms two or three times, she taught it to dread and keep away from the edge as well as did the older children. A surprisingly short training will teach a creeper to scramble downstairs backward, and after it gets the idea, and a frightening slide or two, it may be safely trusted up and down forty times a day. Mrs. Marion Foster Washburne calls attention to a difficulty which a baby often encounters in its first attempts at creeping — a difficulty which is for a while most amusing to the onlook- ers, but which presently becomes tiresome even to them. As for the little fellow himself, he becomes perfectly enraged. "The trouble is this: His arms are so much stronger and better developed than his legs, that he pushes himself backward in- stead of forward. The harder he tries to go toward a desired object, the more rapidly he scuttles away from it, scolding and fretting all the time. Some patience on the part of the mother is here required. She will have to get down on the floor with him and put her hands behind first one little, pushing foot and then the other, until he gradually grows strong enough to make his knees do the proper work. Sometimes it takes almost a week to teach a baby to go forward instead of backward, and it is partly because few women take time so to help the baby that he learns to get around the difficulty himself by various queer procedures." DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 217 A CHILDREN'S HOUR THE world is too much with us," exclaims Wordsworth: and it wedges its way into the sacred seclusion of home, and between mother and children. Every mother cries out that she gives her life to her children; and yet the children may feel that they scarcely know her, or that she knows them. She, or they, are always too busy to get acquainted. By the time their school hours and her necessary household occupations, and the time for meals, visits, and visitors are subtracted, there is usually not a moment when the httle creatures can feel that their mother is altogether their own. Especially is this true in city life, where nurses and governesses come in between them, and cannot well be put aside. Now suppose every mother who reads this page should, for a month or two as a trial, set apart the lonesome hour when the children have been wont to creep sleepily off to bed, as the Children's Hour. What if she does give up some social pleasure, or sacrifice a chance to read or sew. Don't let her dress be too fme for Nelly to maul and climb over, nor her thoughts busy with anything but the children's talk. Silly as that may be, they are the keenest of observers; they will know instantly whether it is only mamma's body that is with them while her mind is far away. Nor need she fill up the hour with hints on behavior or morals; let reproofs wait until to-morrow; let them slaughter their tenses or tell of their school scrapes as they choose — for this little while she is their friend — comes near to them. Yet even in this gracious service there is something to be considered- -too much dependence upon it. It is not necessary that the rule should never be broken. Sometimes it might cost the mother more than she ought to pay; or after a day of special excitement the youngsters would be the better for no more. But when a relation of sympathy and confidence exists, these exceptions and mutual yieldings will be easy. Therefore, on the whole, the Children's Evening Hour is an admirable institution. 218 THE MOTHERS' BOOK CHILDREN AND GUESTS ONE of the oldest and raciest of household maxims is that "Children should be seen and not heard." This, it is true, may be over-applied, resulting in loss of self-confidence and embarrassing shyness in children too often and too care- lessly repressed. From the point of view of the outsider, however, it is usually regarded as most commendable doctrine: it is unquestionable that a visitor would rather see than listen to, or hear too much about his host's youngsters. There is a pleasant English custom, copied to some extent here, which might well prevail. At a dinner, the little people of the family (not babies) come in at the serving of dessert. They have had their evening meal earlier, and do not need to partake of heavy courses. Now they are permitted a taste of the sweets, have a bit of the festivities, receive some notice from the grown-ups, and get a small lesson in proper behavior; but they quickly retire. "In our American homes, too often young children monop- olize attention, and are real nuisances to guests," says Janet Curtiss; and she adds: "Some parents have this weakness: they constantly fail to see that their children are not interesting to out- siders as to themselves. After the baby's first tooth has been duly examined and admired — of course there was never one so pearly before! — don't, don't ask the bachelor guest if he wouldn't like to hold the dear little fellow. Why, the man would infinitely prefer grasping a red-hot poker! "After Mary has spoken her piece, and Tom's bright sayings have been reported, and Johnny has done all his acrobatic stunts, don't be oblivious to your guest's endeavors to suppress or hide a yawn. Send the dear children out, or at least put them into an inconspicuous background. "After they have gone, don't continue to talk about them. Important subjects of conversation as children really are, they do pall sometimes, and there are many other topics for interest- DEVELOPMENT AND DISCIPLINE 219 ing discussion. At least, if your guests are themselves parents, permit them to get in a word now and then relating to their own offspring." ^w t«?* ^^ BULLYING THE bully is almost always a weak child, whose mind is affected by his physical deficiencies. This may explain him to a certain extent, but it does not excuse him, unless in the eyes of some foolish mother, from whom he hides, as well he can, the meanness of his soul: for the thing a bully needs to learn is nobility. Such a child, boy or girl, should be kept from associating with littler ones, and put with companions of his own age. They will probably, sooner or later, make him realize the folly of bulldozing; and if he comes home with the marks of a salutary punching don't sympathize while you soothe his bruises, but coolly ask him how he likes the taste of the suffering he has been inflicting on the little boys. If you detect anything of the bully rejoice when some nobler youth gives him a good thrashing. It's the best means of cure, and it can't be had any other way. Now is your time to try to arouse in his soul some sense of chivalry. Appeal to his sense of fairness. Show him the mean- ness of maltreating those who are defenseless, and teach him to scorn it. Praise the nobility, on the other hand, of defending the oppressed, of taking the side of the weak — against whom? Why, against bullies. Describe the mediaeval robber-barons, who extorted tribute from innocent merchants by force, and such cruel tyrants as Nero and Dionysius, who have been despised by all men for 2000 years for their senseless cruelties. A little bully on the playground, and a big one on a throne. Shame him by making him read the definition of the term in the dictionary. Dr. Johnson defined it thus: "A bully is a noisy, blustering, quarrelsome person, who generally puts on the appearance of courage." As a rule he is a coward. Ask about the other boys — are they not braver and more generous? Why did that 220 THE MOTHERS' BOOK one thrash him ? Wasn't it from generous motives ? Wouldn't he think a good deal better of himself than he does now if he, filled with manly indignation, had given instead of taken the punching? Would not he like to have been a knight of old, filled with the spirit of chivalry? Direct him to books and poems describing knightly deeds and ideals, and then point out that although the armor and plumes and blazoned shield are no longer in fashion the spirit of knighthood — contending only with equals, succoring the weak and aiding the unfortunate — remains; and the gentleman of to-day is simply a knight of old without his armor. ^* t^* ^* "BREAKING HIS WILL" BY JANET CURTISS TRAINING the child's will is training its power to make right choices. Truly is it said, "The deliberate 'I Will' is the basis of a man's character, and the 'I will' of the crises in life is being made by the 'I will' of each day." In other words, the cumulative effect of will habits is tremendous. The training of this ruling power should begin, however, before a child is old enough to deliberate, while it is still the creature of sensation and impulse. It is, indeed, surprising how early a child exhibits choice, and defends its right to choice. The wise mother tries not to come in sharp conflict with her baby's will — she soothes and wins rather than coerces; she insensibly guides it into obedience, which is the submission of its will to a will better instructed than its own. Be it said here that the old term, "breaking a child's will" is now generally considered a relic of barbarism. If, however, any conflict unwittingly arises between mother and child, the mother must be quietly firm. Any other course would be disastrous to the little one. ... It is diflficult to draw the line where impulse decides, or reasoning over choices begins. Children differ, and probably the change is imperceptible because gradual. It may be safely taken for granted that the reason begins to work at an early DEVELOPMENT AXD DISCIPLINE 221 period of life, and a mother need not hesitate to appeal to it in simple ways. A child is soon taught that by willing it cannot always follow the path of its own desires. Two courses of action are constantly confronting the young mind. He wishes to do one thing, and something tells him that he ought to do the other. Indeed, it has seemed to me that the proper exercise of will might be defined by the one word "ought." And the course which is governed by "ought" is the best course in the long run. This is a lesson to be repeated over and over again. The mother has the privilege of constantly present- ing right standards of life to her children. Doing this, it is wise for her to throw the responsibility of minor decisions upon them, and if they make mistakes, explain to them why a different decision would have been better. A little friend of mine had received some education of this sort. She was less than ten years old when she was sent alone about thirty miles by train. She had a little money of her own, a few cents to use exactly as she pleased, but her parents were not rich and she knew what it was to be careful. When the candv bov went through the car, she wanted to buy some — -how she did want to do it I — but here were two courses presented. Telling the incident later, in her childlike way, she said, "I just looked out of the window everv time the bov came along." Xow that was a distinct effort of a reasoning will. A trifle? By no means. She will become a stronger woman by reason of that experience. Every mother ought to rejoice in a strong-willed child. Difficult to train? Yes, possibly; but, well trained, what a man he will make! It follows that trifling with will-power is a peril- ous business. Using a familiar proverb, "Be sure you are right, then go ahead." To this trifling belong the many good resolutions which are not kept. Better not to make than to break, for each break is a loss of power. Here is an authorita- tive description of a weak-willed man: "His interests vary with each suggestion that comes to him through perception or bodily feeling; he is never certain of his intentions, never con- stant in his attitude toward things, never thoroughly self-pos- sessed." An eminent physician recently spoke of this shilly- shallying state as an American disease. A person decides 222 THE MOTHERS' BOOK one way, and the next hour decides another way, then he harks back to the first decision, and never rests in anything. It is a state pitiable for himself and annoying to his friends. Proper education of the will may protect a person from such an unfortunate condition." t^ c5* t.5* THE BOY AND HIS DEN IF you wish your boy to be supremely happy, if you want to cultivate within him a desire for self-dependence, if you would like him to become neat in appearance, you should let him have a room, a corner of the house that is all his own. " So writes Dennis H. Stovallin an essay in ''The Mother's Magazine" on the value of the "den" in a boy's life and educa- tion. "Home for the boy should be more than a place to eat and sleep. The sweeter the associations of home, the greater the privileges allowed, the closer will the boy be drawn to it. Give the boy a ' den' that he can call his own, and he will feel that all the privileges due a boy have been allowed him. His interest in the home will then be such that nothing can entice him away, for his heart will be in his work, and his work and thoughts will be in his 'workshop.' Give him a 'den' and he will make of it his castle and home. He will make it his refuge when trouble pursues him. It is there he will go when those leaden hours come, as they come at times to every boy, when he feels utterly friendless and all alone; and during these seasons of gloom, brief though they may be, he will close the door and let his overcharged heart well up into his eyes. Every boy must cry now and then, and there is no better place to shed tears than in the privacy of his " den. " It is there he will tell his mother the secrets of his heart, that she may com- fort and console. It is there the boy and the mother will come to know each other and to understand each other as nowhere else. And this close communion will bind their hearts with a golden chain whose links the wear of time can never break. " WIFE AND MOTHER FIRST NATIONAL CONGRESS OF MOTHERS THE originator of the project of a Congress of Mothers, Mrs. T. W. Birney, beheving in the necessity for or- ganized and earnest effort on the part of the mothers of the land concerning questions most vital to the welfare of their children and the manifold interests of the home, presented the subject at some of the Mothers' Meetings at Chautauqua in the summer of 1895. The earnest enthusiasm with which it was received made it evident that the thought needed only to be disseminated in order to be quickly accepted and acted upon by hosts of conscientious, thinking women throughout the world, and to result in a centralization of their power toward the ac- complishment of great and necessary reforms in the interest of humanity. It was proposed to have the Congress consider subjects bear- ing upon the better and broader spiritual and physical, as well as mental training of the young, such as the value of kinder- garten work and the extension of its principles to more ad- vanced studies, a love of humanity and of country, the physical and mental evils resulting from some of the present methods of our schools, and the advantages to follow from a closer relation between the influence of the home and that of institutions of learning. Of special importance would be the subject of the means of developing in children characteristics which would elevate and ennoble them, and thus assist in overcoming the conditions which now prompt crime, and make necessary the maintenance of jails, workhouses, and reformatories. The impulse was found in the love of home, mothers, fathers and children; belief in the necessity for organized and earnest efforts on the part of the fathers and mothers of the land con- 223 224 THE MOTHERS' BOOK ceming questions most vital to the welfare of the children and the home. The direct object of the Congress, was, then, to wipe out the strongholds of maternal ignorance; to make of every household a home by educating the mothers and fathers in true parent- hood, and by bettering its conditions, multiplying its pleasures, and creating more ideal surroundings for its children; to purify the fountains of evil, and render reform needless; to forestall philanthropy by securing more healthful living, better housing, more economical planning, purer amusements, more means of self-support; to lead mothers to thought on their own responsibility, to the end that the evil resulting from ignorance, indifference and neglect, be eradicated; to, arouse mothers to a full appreciation of educational methods, to the duty and necessity of investigating methods, and to their re- sponsibility in the matter of choosing the best educators for their children. Amid the maze of manifold theories and schemes for human betterment the idea has been growing that the answer to the crowding problems of the race lies in the conditions and possi- ble development of the childhood of the race, and every organ- ization and every institution has begun to give its share of atten- tion to the development of the child. Yet it has remained for this new society to "take the child and set him in the midst," making him who is already the center of love the center of strong endeavor, the key to the closed gates of our highest progress, the heart and soul of our hope that the world, becom- ing as a litUe child, may yet enter the kingdom of God. !,?* t?* Ci5* PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT'S ADDRESS To the Delegates to the First International Congress in America on the Welfare of the Child, at the White House, March lo, 1908. IT is a great pleasure to greet you here this afternoon. I receive many societies here in the White House, many organizations of good men and women, striving to do all that WIFE AND MOTHER 225 in them lies for the betterment of our social and civic condition. I am glad to see them. I believe in their work; I want to help them. But there is no other society which I am quite as glad to receive as this. This is the one body that I put even ahead of the veterans of the Civil War; because when all is said it is the mother, and the mother only, who is a better citizen even than the soldier who fights for his country. The successful mother, the mother who does her part in rearing and training aright the boys and girls who are to be the men and women of the next generation, is of greater use to the community and occupies, if she only would realize it, a more honorable, as well as a more important, position than any successful man in it. . . . Nothing in this life that is really worth having comes save at the cost of effort. I am glad when I meet men who have fought for their country, have served faithfully and well year after year for their country at the risk of their own lives; I respect them because they have had something hard to do and have done it well. When we look back to the Civil War, the men whom we hold in honor are not the men who stayed at home, but the men who, whether they wore the blue or wore the gray, proved their truth by their endeavor; who dared risk all for "the great prize of death in battle," as one of our noblest poets has phrased it; who spent year after year at what brought them no money reward, at what might result in the utter impairment of the chance of their earning their livelihood, because it was their duty to render that service. In just the same way no life of self-indulgence, of mere vapid pleasure, can possibly, even in the one point of pleasure itself, yield so ample a reward as comes to the mother at the cost of self-denial, of effort, of suffering in childbirth, of the long, slow, patience- trying work of bringing up the children aright. No scheme of education, no social attitude, can be right unless it is based fundamentally upon the recognition of the necessity of seeing that the girl is trained to understand the supreme dignity, the supreme usefulness, of motherhood. Unless the average woman is a good wife and good mother, unless she bears a sufficient number of children, so that the race shall increase, and 226 THE MOTHERS' BOOK not decrease, unless she brings up these children sound in soul and mind and body — unless this is true of the average woman, no brilliancy of genius, no material prosperity, no triumphs of science and industry, will avail to save the race from ruin and death. The mother is the one supreme asset of national life; she is more important by far than the successful statesman or business man or artist or scientist. There are exceptional women, there are exceptional men, who have other tasks to perform in addition to, not in substi- tution for, the task of motherhood and fatherhood, the task of providing the home and of keeping it. But it is the tasks con- nected with the home that are the fundamental tasks of hu- manity. After all, we can get along for the time being with an inferior quality of success in other lines, political, or business, or of any kind; because if there are failings in such matters we can make them good in the next generation; but if the mother does not do her duty, there will either be no next generation, or a next generation that is worse than none at all. In other words, we cannot as a nation get along at all if we haven't the right kind of home life. Such a life is not only the supreme duty, but also the supreme reward of duty. Every rightly con- stituted woman or man, if she or he is worth her or his salt, must feel that there is no such ample reward to be found any- where in life as the reward of children, the reward of a happy family life. I abhor and condemn the man who is brutal, thoughtless, careless, selfish, with women, and especially with the women of his own household. The birth-pangs make all men the debtors of all women. The man is a poor creature who does not realize the infinite difficulty of the woman's task, who does not realize what is done by her who bears and rears the children; who cannot even be sure until the children are well grown that any night will come when she can have it entirely to her- self to sleep in. I abhor and condemn the man who fails to recognize all his obligations to the woman who does her duty. But the woman who shirks her duty as wife and mother is just as heartily to be condemned. We despise her as we despise and condemn the soldier who flinches in battle. A good WIFE AND MOTHER 227 woman, who does full duty, is sacred in our eyes; exactly as the brave and patriotic soldier is to be honored above all other men. But the woman who, whether from cowardice, from selfishness, from having a false and vacuous ideal, shirks her duty as wife and mother, earns the right to our contempt, just as does the man who, from any motive, fears to do his duty in battle when the country calls him. Because we so admire the good woman, the unselfish woman, the far-sighted woman, we have scant patience with her unworthy sister who fears to do her duty; exactly as, for the very reason that we respect a man who does his duty honestly and fairly in politics, who works hard at his business, who in time of national need does his duty as a soldier, we scorn his brother who idles when he should work, who is a bad husband, a bad father, who does his duty ill in the family or toward the state, who fears to do the work of a soldier if the time comes when a soldier's work is needed. All honor to the man or woman who does duty, who renders service; and we can only honor him or her if the weight of our condemnation is felt by those who flinch from their duty. You see, my guests, you have let yourselves in for a sermon. I have now almost come to the end. Before I do, however, I want to ask your assistance for two or three matters that are not immediately connected with the life in the family itself, but that are of vital consequence to the children. In the first place, in the schools, see that the school work is made as practi- cal as possible. For the boys I want to see training provided that shall train them toward, and not away from, their life- work; that will train them toward the farm or the shop, not away from it. With the girl, see that it is not made a matter j of mirth that the girl who goes to college comes out unprepared to do any of the ordinary duties of womanhood. See, in other words, that with the higher education which she should have — • for she should have a right to just as much education, to just as high an education, as any man — see that with that goes the education that will fit her to do her fundamental work in the world. As regards our public schools especially I want to put in a special word in behalf of the right kind of playgrounds. No school is a good school if it has not a good playground. 228 THE MOTHERS' BOOK Help the children to play; and remember that you can often help them most by leaving them entirely alone. I misread them if they themselves do not often know how to play better than we old folks can teach them. Remember that in the city especially it is an outrage to erect a school without erecting a playground to go with that school. It is the gravest kind of wrong, not only to the children but to the whole community, to turn out the boys and girls, especially in the congested part of the city, with no place to play in but the streets. There can be no more important reform than to provide adequate play- ground; and a beginning should be made here in the District of Columbia. You cannot have good citizens, good men and women of the next generation, if the boys and girls are worked in fac- tories to the stunting of their moral, mental, and physical growth. Wherever the National Government can reach it should do away with the evils of child labor, and I trust this will be done; but much must be done by the actions of the several State legislatures; and do, each of you, in your several States, all that you can to secure the enactment, and then the enforce- ment, of laws that shall put a stop to the employment of chil- dren of tender age in doing what only grown people should do. The field of your activities is so very wide that it would be useless for me to attempt to enumerate the various subjects of which you will and ought to treat. You have come together to discuss the problems that more vitally than any other affect the real welfare, the well-being in the present and the well- being in the future, of this Nation and of all nations. I wish you wisdom and good judgment. You must bring more than one quality to your task. No mother can do her duty in her own home without genuine tenderness of heart, genuine senti- ment; but if she has only sentiment and only tenderness of lieart she may through folly do more harm than another could through weakness. You must have the tenderness, you must ha\'e the sentiment; but woe to you and woe to the children who come after you if that is all that you have. With the sentiment, with the tenderness of heart, encourage the common sense that will enable you to correct the tenderness when it WIFE AND MOTHER 229 becomes weakness and injustice. In addition, cultivate what in the long run counts for more than intellect, for more than sentiment — and that is character, the sum of those qualities which really make up a strong, brave, tender man or woman. You cannot get along, you nor any one else, if you develop your intellect to the point that you lose all other things, all other qualities. It does not make any difference how intelli-^ gent a woman is, if she looks upon her children only with in- telligence, they are not going to care overmuch for her in re- turn. Do not forget that love must come first; that love is what the family is based on; but don't do children, don't do grown people the dreadful injustice — through a love that is merely one form of weakness — of failing to make the child or, I might add, the man, behave itself or himself. A marriage should be a partnership where each of the two parties has his or her rights, where each should be more careful to do his or her duty than to exact duty from the other partner; but where each must, in justice to the other partner no less than to him- self or herself, exact the performance of duty by that other partner. . . . So with the children. A hard and unloving mother does infinite harm to her children; but she does no more harm than the loving but weak and foolish mother who does not train the children to behave with respect for the feelings of others, who permits them to be selfish or cruel or thoughtless. I remember reading a story, years ago, that greatly interested me. It described how a worn, tired-looking woman was riding in the cars with her son, she sitting by the window. The son was a thoughtless boy, and soon began to whine and complain until he made his tired mother move away from and let him sit by the window. The observer, looking on, remarked that in the future there would be some unfortunate wife who would wonder "why men are so selfish," instead of placing the blame where it really ought to be placed — -upon the lack of strength of char- acter, the lack of wisdom, the lack of genuine love on the part of that woman in not bringing her boy up to be unselfish and thoughtful of others, so that he might live decently in his own household, and do his work well in the world at large. 230 THE MOTHERS' BOOK REPRODUCTION AND NATURAL LAW BY MRS. ALICE LEE MOQUE IN the past it has been the generally accepted theory that parents were merely the unconscious instruments of the Divine Spirit, for the working out of his will, and that the mental and moral attributes of their children, their temperament, health, character, and sex were direct decrees of the Infinite, which it was useless for the finite mind to try to comprehend or explain. To-day we are wiser, and have learned that Nature is the great exponent of sublime truth, and natural law the Creator's text- book, by which he teaches his children the perfection of the divine plan, and lifts them to a higher plane of responsibility. In Nature it is law, not chance. Effect is the natural se- quence of cause. A child, if he puts his hand into the fire, will be burned, not to punish him for having disobeyed the warning of his parents, but to teach him that he has willfully broken an immutable law. If there are known laws governing reproduction, just as divinely ordained and enforced as the laws of gravity, of space, and of motion, every man and woman, rich or poor, high or low, every reasoning creature, has a right to know them, for the truth belongs not to individuals, but to all humanity. If a child can be well bom by simply following certain under- stood laws of Nature, if the mental, moral, and physical condi- tion of the child at birth and for its entire existence is dependent upon absolute law, as immutable as the motions, diurnal and annual, of the earth itself, or the phases of the moon and the rise and fall of the tides, then the parents who bring into the world an imperfect creature are just so far culpable, inasmuch as they have failed to do their whole duty. This may sound severe, almost heartless and cruel, to parents with afflicted children, but we must say it, for it is the truth, that the fathers and mothers of the present may profit by the solemn lesson taught by the past, and, being shown their re- WIFE AND MOTHER 231 sponsibility as parents, may fulfill to the uttermost, so far as lies in their power, their obligations to their own children and to the generations yet to come. We believe that in this enlightened era no one has a right to marry into a family where there is known insanity, or even partial imbecility, and the kindred evils that follow out to the letter the inexorable law, " The sins of the fathers shall be visited upon the children. " Like begets like, the laws of heredity are inflexible, and the child is but the composite picture of what its parents are and their progenitors have been. In addition to woman's moral obligation to herself, let us speak briefly of her duty to her husband — a duty as sacred as the solemn vows taken at the altar can make it — "To have and to hold, to love and to honor." This must mean to re- tain by every art and power the love and admiration of her mate, thereby promoting that perfect union of souls which mar- riage implies, and insuring not only the happiness of the home and the mated pair, but the well-being of the little ones who may come to bless them. If I were asked the great requisite for marital happiness, I should unhesitatingly reply, health. By a wise and persistent observance of the simple laws relating to exercise, diet, dress, ventilated dwellings, and other sanitary conditions, we may all hope to obtain this priceless blessing, from which so many others flow. The woman with a good constitution, even if she be not either young or handsome, if she has the bright eye, the clear mind, vivacity, and buoyant spirits which only a woman physically sound may know, has an attractiveness of her own that will not only increase her comfort and happiness, but will be an impor- tant factor in aiding her to fulfill her whole duty as woman, wife, and mother. Our duty is clear. We must recognize our responsibility not alone to ourselves and the present, but to posterity and the future. No woman has the right to be selfish, and least of all j will the tender, loving, maternal heart forget that every sob, every tear, every sigh, every fear, is a crime committed against her own unborn child, and from which it will suffer throughout 232 THE MOTHERS' BOOK its whole life. Before birth is the time to prove the strength and power of mother-love, not afterward, when it is too late to undo the grievous mistake, the fatal wrong our folly has com- mitted. The devotion of a lifetime, alas! will not atone to the child for antecedent neglect. The day will come when the rights of the child to be well born will be recognized and respected. In that day the "de- fective" will demand the reason for its puny limbs, impaired mind, misshapen spine, pain-racked body — a life of suffering with blasted hopes — and the world will not condone or palliate the cruelty and crime committed against the unfortunate child, deprived of its birthright, on the old plea of ignorance or the pretense that God willed a defective should be born — a pre- tense that is contradicted by every law, human and divine. ^* c?* t^* DIETETICS BY MRS. LOUISE E. HOGAN THE Study of dietetics as applied to the nursery and the period of childhood is constantly brought to our notice as an important phase of domestic education. The first step we should take as mothers in regard to the careful feeding of our children should be to convince ourselves thoroughly of its necessity. Many mothers may say: " But I don't need any dietetic rules for my baby of eighteen months or two years. He eats every- thing, and is quite well." Dr. L. Emmett Holt, of the Babies' Hospital of New York, says he has had quite a large experience with those children who "ate everything" and seemed to relish it, and has followed a number of them to their graves as the ultimate result of such unreasonable and inconsiderate practice. Dr. Rotch, Professor of Children's Diseases at Harvard, says it is worse than folly for mothers to attempt at an early age, as WIFE AND MOTHER 233 is frequently done, to accustom their children to the use of everything and anything from the table. Prof. Fonssagrives, of Paris, says the number of cases of dis- ease which can be arrested in children by instituting a preven- tive diet is almost incredible. Rousseau dwells strongly upon the facts that a weak body in a child enfeebles the soul; that the education of man begins at his birth; that simplicity in diet is an absolute necessity for sound physical growth; and that the most dangerous period in human life is the interval between birth and the age of twelve. He also says, in speaking of mental growth, that the soul must have leisure to perfect its powers before it is called upon to use them. This is equally true of physical growth. We are working for future resistance, not for immediate results only, when we consider the dietetic and hygi- enic needs of our children, and we must not forget that there is a lifetime for mental development, and only part of one during which the physical building-up process can be regulated. If we will but keep in mind Rousseau's suggestive statement that the most important, the most useful rule in all education is not to gain time, but to lose it, we will move slowly but carefully in our work of building up a sound mind in a sound body. Just as at first in mental education we endeavor to shield a child from evil and error, instead of directly teaching virtue and truth, so in physical education, prevention instead of cure should be our watchword. Froebel says parents and nurses should ever remember, as underlying every precept in this direction, the general principles that simplicity and frugality in food and in other physical needs during the years of childhood enhance man's power of attaining happiness and vigor — true creativeness in every respect. He says that if parents would consider that not only much individual and personal happiness, but even much domestic happiness and general prosperity de- pend on this, how very differently they would act; but here the foolish mother, there the childish father is to blame. We see them give their children all kinds of poison in every form, coarse and fine. That this is true, even to-day — fifty years later — shows how little advance has been made in general in the direction of dietary reform. Incredible as it may seem, I 234 THE MOTHERS' BOOK have seen a child of four drink beer — from habit — and I was looked upon in the light of a faddist for protesting where I was not properly introduced. Another instance of this kind I noted while awaiting my turn one day in the office of a prominent New York physician for children, when I saw a mother with a child apparently two years old leave the house for a few moments to get something, as I heard her say, "to quiet the child," who was crying. As she went out she said to the servant at the door that she had brought the child to the physician because he wasn't well, and wouldn't eat. She returned in a few minutes, and it was eating a so-called ripe banana. The skin was green, and I felt im- pelled to send word to the physician to forewarn him, as the mother's turn preceded mine, but I did not do it. I think I was prevented by the apparent hopelessness of convincing such a mother that she was doing harm, and both the child and physician had my sympathy for various reasons. Too much stress can not be laid upon the necessity in infant feeding for consulting physicians in regard to substitute feeding and all important changes to be made in a growing child's diet, and equally upon a strict following to the letter of all directions given, without relying too implicitly upon others for supervision where personal attention is necessary. Condi- tions requiring a special knowledge of dietetics are met with in infants as well as in older children, and it is true that the im- portance of receiving a physician's advice upon the question of food is not always duly estimated by mothers. On the other hand, physicians, as a rule, in their preoccupied and busy lives, are too much inclined to think that a mother knows what seems simple to them; hence, unless they are directly asked for in- formation, they are likely to trust to the mother's judgment for carrying out small details. In one instance brought to my notice a physician was hurriedly called ten miles away at midnight to see an infant that was apparently very ill. He suggested giving the child some water to drink, which was done. The child slept, and there was no further difficulty. The mother said her physi- cian had never told her of the necessity for giving the infant water to drink. He no doubt took it for granted that the moth- WIFE AND MOTHER 235 er's common sense would suggest the use of water from the very beginning of the child's life, and, on the other hand, the mother waited for specific directions in every detail. Relative to this whole subject, Sir Henry Thompson, a noted English physician, and an authority upon dietetics, says: "I have come to the conclusion that more than half the disease which embitters the middle and latter half of life is due to avoidable errors in diet [to which might be added 'more par- ticularly in early years']. . . and that more mischief in the form of actual disease, of impaired vigor, and of shortened life accrues to civilized man . . . from erroneous habits of eating than from the habitual use of alcoholic drink, considerable as I know that evil to be," Schools, public and private, should not overlook the impor- tance of the study of dietetics, and the press, on account of its ability to reach the people, must realize the opportunity of supplying the need felt everywhere for practical instruction. Then all mothers and home-makers in the land, those indirect- nation-makers, will easily come to understand the underlying principles involved, and will apply this knowledge in such a way as to benefit all who are dependent upon their efforts. ^* ^i* ^* CHARACTER-BUILDING IN EDUCATION BY MRS. ELLEN A. RICHARDSON WE hear a great deal about the sacredness and the respon- sibilities of motherhood. I wish we might say more about the sacredness and responsibility of the high office of teacher, recognizing the profession to be the highest of all pro- fessions, exacting a high standard in teachers, and then, appre- ciating the full dignity of their great mission, make teaching a grateful task. I am sorry to say the social recognition of the teacher in America and the remunerative recognition are not what they should be when we consider the noble and imperative work to 236 THE MOTHERS' BOOK be done. Statistics show that the cleverest members of the pro- fession have little more than enough for the mere necessities of life. Without much leisure to grow ahead of their students, without the money to purchase higher advantages, what wonder that teachers become too often and too soon mere guide-boards to text-books, until, first from necessity and then from will, teachers under these circumstances consent to routine and sys- tem, and soon lack freshness and inspiration, while education becomes a deadened and deadening process, lacking all vitalizing power to awaken the slumbering character which lies in every human being ! The wonderful kindergarten, with teachers who have been trained to think and originate, rests upon eternal foundations; its work is all directed to the unfoldment of soul- powers; its objective and subjective teaching makes it a grand power in the opening years of a child's life. If we can have no more, thank Heaven for this! But we must have more! It is the activity • of the mind and heart which educates and determines char- acter. We are all f amihar with the sentence, "Knowledge is power." Let us substitute for the word "knowledge" the word "char- acter," and say, "Character is power," and we shall have a new goal and modify our methods. External conditions and circumstances over which we may have control rule the measure of our character, and decide the "quantity of being" each individual may appropriate to himself. To do this, first of all we should find out in what direction lie the abilities of each child. Its particular love of special occupations will be a good index to this. We are all conscious that we have powers within us which we can command easily; they seem to be wait- ing to be called out. This is the mission of education; it is in- troducing human beings to their native powers; it is teaching them the use of those powers as tools with which to build their lives and character. To call forth, to draw out, then, the given abilities in such a way that each individual may find his or her right place in the world, and become of use to themselves, a comfort to others as well as to themselves. Adding thus to the harmony of the WIFE AND MOTHER 237 world would be the result of such an educating process, creating a heaven on earth, and a condition which does not leave the question debatable as to whether the training of character morally or the training of his intellectual life alone is of the greatest value. A man may be smart with an intellectual education, but he can never be great without soul-culture. Well it is for our future prospects that such excellent strides have been made by the kindergartens, the kitchen-gardens, the manual-training schools, and all the industrial schools which are at the base of true education. But the car of progress must run on the double track of theory and practice. After teaching the soul to use its own powers, to think boldly, clearly, grandly, and beneficially for its own welfare, it must be led to think of its value in the divine economy of all life; it must think, work, and live for the welfare of all mankind, or there will be no expansion of character. There can be no "quantity of being" if there is no proper use of the powers of the being- no proper exercise of the functions of the mind and life in out- ward forms. Without it there can be no development of the spiritual being, any more than there is development of muscle in the arm which never moves itself. As we claim that the first step in the development of the powers of life is in educating the soul to think and act for itself, so we claim that the second step, to insure an ever- increasing influx of powers, is in the use of those powers for others and for human progress. Such exercise will bring bright thoughts which have never been thought before; thoughts which will glitter as new coin from the treasury of heaven; thoughts ac- cording to the demands of the age and existing conditions, by which great mysteries shall be illuminated, and the problems of science, government, and sociology shall be solved. Education should turn to practical ends, but while training men to practical things it should be done with a divine impulse, soul and body taking the training for harmonious action, love and wisdom creating the being whose force for good shall make the character strong. Then would business become moral and the world better. 238 THE MOTHERS' BOOK SYMPATHETIC PARENTHOOD BY MRS. THEODORE W. BERNEY THE Mothers' Congress and its work is a living epitome of sympathetic motherhood. As Daniel Boone, the brave pioneer in Kentucky, placing his ear to the earth beneath the shade of primeval forests, exclaimed to his companions: " I hear the tramp of unborn millions, who will, in the years to come, cross this land," So we tell you, we are working, not only for the children of to-day, but for the untold numbers who are even now journeying earthward, and who will rise up and bless you for what you and every other organization in the world are doing to give us the ideal civilization. Cultivate sym- pathy in your children, but beware lest you overdo this and make them morbid. Like all other great truths, it is best y taught by example. Children are naturally sympathetic. Look- ing from my window one day on the eve of a summer departure, I saw two little figures going slowly down the path, and care- fully sprinkling something as they went. Upon inquiry at luncheon as to what they were doing, the eldest replied, " Oh, Mamma, we are sprinkling bread-crumbs, so the poor little ants won't get hungry while we are away." Many heart-broken lonely men and women suffer so much before they attain unto the joys of sympathy with and of ser- vice for others, and this they might often have been spared, had they been encouraged to think of others in their childhood. / If we could only know all that a little child feels and thinks, we should be so tender, so considerate of them; we hurt them in a thousand ways, we grown-ups; we are so absorbed with our point of view, we cannot see theirs, and some mothers and fathers never realize the full need for sympathy until the baby hands can no longer give that little tug at coat or skirts with which all parents are familiar, and the baby voice has passed forever from earth, and there remains only that unending tugging at the heart-strings, which we call vain regret. Mary Wood Allen relates that a young merchant, intent on WIFE AND MOTHER 239 business, while rushing across the city on his wheel, met with a colhsion, resulting in bruises and dislocations which kept him from active duties for a few days. The mental currents, which had been rushing out along lines of business activity, were sud- denly checked, and boiled and seethed in irritation and rebellion. " It would not have been so hard, " he said, "if I could have been let down easy; but this sudden stoppage from a point of intense activity to a state of enforced quietness is almost unbearable." One evening, while lying upon his sofa, he noticed that his little boy, a bright little fellow of four years, was remaining up after his usual bedtime, and, calling the nurse, he commanded her to take the child to bed. The little fellow resisted with kicks and screams, was scolded and slapped by his father into sullen acquiescence and carried off rebelliously to bed. "I declare," said the father, " that child is getting to be incorrigible. I shall certainly have to take him severely in hand." This remark was addressed to a friend, a woman of expe- rience, who, sitting in the room, had been a witness to the pro- ceedings. The comment of the father opened the way for the expression of thoughts which were welling in her mind. "Did you notice what the child was doing when you ordered him to bed?" she said. "Why, no; not particularly. He was play- ing, I believe." "He was very busy," said the friend. "He had a grocery store in one comer of the room, a telephone in another, and a magnificent train of cars with a coal-scuttle en- gine. He was taking orders from the telephone, doing up packages in the grocery store and delivering them by train. He had just very courteously assured Mrs. Brown that she should shortly have a pound of rice pudding and a bushel of baked potatoes; had done up a pumpkin pie for Mrs. Smith, when he was rudely disturbed in his business by Sarah and carried off to bed. He resented, and probably if he could have put his thoughts into words would have said just what you did a short time ago — that if he could have been let down easy it would not have been so hard. But to be dropped suddenly right in the midst of business was intolerable. Now, he knows that to-morrow the grocery store will have been demolished, the telephone will have disappeared, the train will have been 240 THE MOTHERS' BOOK wrecked, and if he goes into business again he will have to begin at the foundation. You think your experience is hard enough; but you know there are others at your place of business who are looking after things as well as they can. How would you feel if you knew that your store was demolished and had to be built up again from the foundation?" "Oh! well," said the father, "but that is business. The boy was only playing." "The boy's occupation to him was business, just as much as yours is to you; his mental activities were just as intense; the sudden checking of his currents of thought were just as hard to bear, and his kicks and screams were no more unreasonable in him than have been your exclamations and sufferings during the time that you have been ignominiously consigned to bed. You have been worrying over plans that were suddenly con- fused because of your accident; he goes to bed feeling that Mrs. Brown would be disappointed because she didn't get her rice pudding, and it was just as hard for him to bear this as it was for you to bear your experience." "Well, what would you have me do?" said the father. "Would you let the child sit up ah night because he is interested in his play?" "No, but you might have let him do^^•n easy. Suppose you had given him fifteen minutes in which to rearrange his thoughts. Sup- pose you had called him up and said: 'Well, Mr. Grocer, I would like to give you some orders, but I see that it is about time for your store to close, and I shall have to wait until to- morrow.' No doubt the litde grocer would have been willing to have filled your orders at once; but you could have said: ' Oh, no. Shops must close on time, so that the clerks can go home. There will be plenty of time to-morrow. I see you still have some goods to deliver, and your engineer is getting very anxious to reach the end of his run. In about fifteen minutes the engine must go into the roundhouse and the engi- neer must go home and go to bed, so as to be ready for work to-morrow.' " Do you not see that this would have turned the thoughts of the child into just the line that you wanted him to go? He would have been glad to close up his shop, because that is the way men do; and as the little engineer at the end of a run he WIFE AND MOTHER 241 would have been very glad to go to bed and rest. Instead of a rebellious child sobbing himself sulkily to sleep with an inde- structible feeling of injustice rankling in his heart, as a happy little engineer he vould have gone willingly to bed, to think with loving kindness of that father who had sympathized with him and helped him to close his day's labor satisfactorily." "I see," said the father, "and I am ashamed of myself. If I could waken him I would go to him and ask him to forgive me. Sarah, bring Robbie here." "He is asleep," was the reply. "Never mind; bring him anyhow." The girl lifted the sleeping boy and carried him to his father's arms. The child's face was flushed and tear-stained; his little fists were clenched and the long-drawn, sobbing breath showed with what a perturbed spirit he had entered into sleep. " Poor little chap," said the father penitently, as he kissed the cheek moist with weeping, "can you forgive your father, my boy?" The child did not waken; but his hands gently unclosed, his whole body relaxed, and, nestling his head more closely against his father's breast, he raised one chubby hand and patted the father's cheek. It was as if the loving voice had penetrated through the encasing flesh to the child's spirit, and he had answered love with love; and they wifl always answer love with love. tff^ %^i t5* TRAINING OUR DAUGHTERS BY MRS. FREDERIC SCHOFF IS there a woman here who feels that when she assumed the duties and responsibilities of wife and mother she knew all she needed to know in order to fulfill those duties properly ? Do we not feel that with our education something might have been given us that would have been of practical value in the home and the care of children? Broad culture is helpful, but specific training is necessary for all professions, and for none more so than for the rearing of children and the judicious care of a home. Yet this necessary training forms no part of the 242 THE MOTHERS' BOOK education of our daughters. By far the majority of girls marry and have the care of home, husband and children, yet we ig- nore all preparation for such duties. Why this strange reti- cence and reluctance to mention such important subjects? Why not teach our daughters, at the proper time, the essen- tials of a happy marriage ? Teach them that wealth and social position count for nothing, unless united with purity of thought and life, honesty of purpose and high ideals. For genuine happiness and a union which will deepen in strength and beauty, a character which will command respect is essen- tial. If such standards were required by young women in choosing a husband, marriage and parenthood would mean the highest happiness, and only when such standards prevail can the marriage relation be what God intended. In such a union purity, high ideals and noble purpose are of far more conse- quence than wealth or position. We neglect this training, and the choice is made blindly, and the duties of wives and mothers are assumed without the laiowledge which is necessary to perfect the lives of husband and children. To attempt to make a home and care for a family in sickness and in health without preparation, is parallel to a physician attempting the practice of medicine without study and with the expectation of gaining knowledge from experiments on his first patients. We would be horrified at the temerity of such a physician, but we complacently leave our girls without such instruction as will make them thrifty wives and capable mothers. Girls are not to blame. We direct their education, and we ignore the necessity for the study of such things as cooking, nursing and laundry-work, and we would not dream of teaching them how to care for a babe physically or spiritually. Thus the highest, holiest duty of womanhood is left to be performed with- out previous preparation or knowledge. Under these circum- stances, can we wonder that many homes are failures; many men and women depraved and distorted in character ? A false conception of the nobility of work has given to many mothers the feeling that work is menial and not desirable for our daugh- ters. No task, however lowly, is menial, if the proper spirit is put into it, and knowledge of practical things on the part of the WIFE AND MOTHER 243 home-maker will remove much discomfort and unhappiness in the marital life. Even with wealth, the administration of a home will be wiser if the wife knows when a thing is properly done, or can teach an ignorant servant how to do it properly. Unless a woman has a practical knowledge of work herself, she cannot tell what she ought to require of others. Half of the difficulties with sen^ants come from ignorance on the part of the mistress. The most successful business men have all been trained in ihe practical details of the business in which they are engaged, and this practical knowledge is the basis of their success, making them better prepared to manage such business and more just to their employes. A woman to be well equipped for the work she undertakes needs the same practical training. Woman always will be the home-maker, wife and mother, and while the high- est culture should be hers, the study for this culture should not exclude that knowledge which she wall need the most. If a girl can receive this training from her mother, there can be no better teacher, but how many of us are capable of giving it? Then there are many mothers who w^ould not value this training, and in order to reach the certain benefits it should be taught in the public schools, and both common-school education and domes- tic training should be made compulsory. The well-being and health of another generation demand that the study of the child and the care of the home should be taught in the schools all over our land, and no girl should be given a diploma until she can pass an examination in the proper methods of bathing, clothing and nourishing infants, as well as in physiology, cook- ery, hyjiene and all the details of home life. If she cannot have both, better far omit some other studies and lay firmly the foundation stones of proper preparation for the life the majority of women live. . . It is to the girls of to-day, to their earnest thought on child culture, that we must look for the greatest good. But it rests with you, the mothers of to-day, to see that this is made possi- ble. If you will give your children the light which has come to you from life's experience, if you will encourage them to reverent- ly investigate the mysteries of life, and to use the knowledge 244 THE MOTHERS' BOOK gained for the good of the race, you will have performed a duty to posterity greater than you can realize, for its benefits will grow, in ever-widening circles, long after you have passed on to the life beyond. ^% ^% ^% THE NEEDS OF FEEBLE-MINDED CHILDREN BY MARTEN W. BARR, M. D. WE enter upon a new century of work showing greater possibilities and demanding a yet greater advance, and it is here that mothers can help us. Statistics show in the United States alone one hundred thousand mental defectives, and of these but about eight thousand are provided for in the twenty-four large institutions now in existence. Many of these institutions are already filled to repletion, and unfortunately with a large proportion of the idiot or untrainable class. In this respect the English are far wiser than we, for even with the title of "Homes for Idiotic and Mental Defectives," they do not admit the idiots into their training-schools but care for them in asylums apart; the economic and moral value of such an arrangement being self-evident. Not alone from this standpoint will our work require a simi- lar arrangement in the near future; we not only need more space with entire concentration of energy upon our legitimate work of training, but a new element not included in the last census will soon be pressing for admission. Results of legisla- tion under the compulsory education act show in the city of Philadelphia alone 102 1 truants, "children not to be desired in the regular grades." The committee reports: "There are some children who are mischief-makers in the regular schools who arc better out than in." Special schools are to be opened for those who are incorrigible or who need special assistance in study. This is but following similar experiences in England and on the Continent, based upon corresponding pressing needs. Some of these children doubtless are backward from mere phys- ical defect which may be overcome, but a large majority of these WIFE AND MOTHER 245 "mischief-makers" in the schools will soon be proven "mis- chief-makers" in society and, recognized as defectives, they will naturally drift into training-schools for the feeble-minded. To receive and train them and also to care for present demands we must be freed from our untrainable population, and turn our asylum-wards into workshops and school-rooms. The pro- viding of homes for idiots and for epileptics must therefore be the first step in clearing the way for extending the work of training mental defectives; but to this view the public must be educated, and who can do this so ably as the mothers? Furthermore, the training of an abnormal person, especially if such training is not begun early, covers a period four times that required for a normal child. A continuous stream flow- ing in from the public schools, of children tested and proven mental or moral defectives, and the necessity of their permanent sequestration recognized, will soon overcrowd our training schools unless there be some additional outlet. And just here we come face to face with the great question of the future, the unsolved problem of the past, a question asked of us every day: "For what are you training the imbecile? What place can be found for this child who will never grow up?" Society must be protected from pollution and tragedy on the one hand, and on the other the innocent imbecile must be pro- tected from punishment for heedless or reckless transgression, for which he is absolutely irresponsible. Both sides will de- mand therefore permanent sequestration. But where, and how? For a way must be prepared for the crisis which even another decade may force upon us. . . . Poinds which should commend themselves to the thoughtful consideration of every humanitarian association, and which for the common welfare need to be thoroughly ventilated are: First. Education of the public as to the dominating power of heredity. Second. Enactment of laws preventing the marriage of defectives or of their immediate descendants, coupled with yet more stringent measures for the imbecile, dictated by science and already proven by experience. Third. Early recognition of defectives, and separation of 246 THE MOTHERS' BOOK trainable from untramable classes, with suitable and distinct provision for each. Fourth. National provision for the permanent sequestra- tion of the imbecile under such conditions, dictated by moral and economic considerations, as shall be best conducive to the happiness of the individual and to the safety of the community. I bring to you no mere opinions, but convictions founded upon a living experience. Apart from all family ties, I have consecrated my best energies to this work. For twelve years, in a training-school numbering over a thousand, I have eaten and drunk, walked and slept with the imbecile; both here and in Europe I have personally examined over five thousand, and I know whereof I speak. I know all that you have to fear from the imbecile. I also know his needs, his rights and the protec- tion he demands at our hands, and I appeal to the great heart of motherhood in behalf of your own, and these, whom the French have so touchingly named ^^ Les Enfants du bon Dieu," ^* ^* ^% HUMANE EDUCATION IN EARLY TRAINING BY RALPH WALDO TRESTE THERE is much one-sided education in our country to- day. There is much training of the intellect and but little education of the heart. Much is the time spent in our public and private schools, in our colleges and universities, in disciplining the mind, and little is the time spent in disciplining the imagination, the emotions, the higher sympathies, the train- ing of which along with the hitellect, constitutes the truly educated man or woman, the neglect of which may make, and many times has made, a man worse off than he was before there was any training of his intellect at all, and indeed a menace to him- self, to his fellow-men, to his country, and to the world at large. How do we know this ? We know it from the fact that every year numbers of our most brilliantly educated men become criminals, oppressors of the poor, or vampires upon our r unici- WIFE AND MOTHER 247 pal, State, and National governments. We know it because notwithstanding the fact that a larger number of people in the United States in proportion to its population take a college course than in any other country in the world, nevertheless there is perpetrated in it each year a greater amount of crime than in any other civilized country in the world, Spain and Italy ex- cepted. I have been told that in Japan if one picks up a stone to throw at a dog the dog will not run as you will find he will in most every case here in America, because there the dog has never had a stone thrown at him, and consequently he does not know what it means. This spirit of gentleness, kindness and care for the animal world is a characteristic of the Japanese people. It in turn manifests itself in all their relations with their fellow-men, and one of the results is that the amount of crime committed there each year in proportion to its population, is but a very small fraction of that committed in the United States. In India, where the treatment of the entire animal world is something to put to shame our own country with its boasted Christian civilization and power, there with a popula- tion of some 300,000,000 there is but one-fourth the amount of crime that there is each year in England with a population of less than 30,000,000, and only a small fraction of what it is in the United States with a population less than one-fourth the population of India. These are most significant facts. Those mothers who are beginning to understand the power- , ful molding influences of prenatal conditions will understand I that every mental and emotional state lived in by the mother ; makes its influence felt in the life of the forming child, and she should therefore be careful that during the period she is carry- ing the child, no thought or emotions of anger or hatred or envy or malice, or unkind thoughts of any kind be entertained by her, but on the contrary, thoughts of tenderness, kindness, compas- sion and love; these, then, will influence and lead the mind of the child when born, and will in turn externalize their effects in his body, instead of allowing to be externalized the poisoning, \ destructive effects of their opposites. Nothing in this world can be truer than that the education 248 THE MOTHERS' BOOK of a man's head, without the training of the heart, simply in- creases his power for crime, while the education of his heart along with the head increases his power for good, and this in- deed is the true education. Clearly we must begin with the child. The lessons learned in childhood are the last to be forgotten. The first principles of conduct instilled into his mind, planted within his heart, take root and grow, and as he grows from childhood to youth, and from youth to manhood, these principles become fixed. They decide his destiny. How important, then, that these principles implanted within the child's heart be lessons of gentleness, kindness, mercy, love and humanity, and not lessons of hatred, en\y, selfishness and malice. The former make ultimately our esteemed, law-abiding, law-loving citizens; the latter law- breakers and criminals. Upon the training of the children of to-day depends the condition of our country a generation hence. It is impossible to overestimate the benefits resulting from judicious, humane instruction. The child who has been taught nothing of mercy, nothing of humanity, who has never been brought to realize the claims that dumb animals have upon him for protection and kindness, will grow up to be thoughtless and cruel toward them, and if he is cruel to them, that same heart, untouched by kindness and mercy, will prompt him to be cruel to his family, to his fellow-men. On the other hand, the child who has been taught to realize the claims that God's lower creatures have upon him, whose heart has been touched by les- sons of kindness and mercy, under their sweet influence will grow to be a large-hearted, tender-hearted, manly man. As a parent, in the first place, I would teach the child the thoughtlessness, the selfishness, the heartlessness, the cruelty of hunting for sport; I would put into his hands no air guns or in- struments or weapons by which he can inflict torture upon or take the life of birds or other animals. Instead of encouraging him in torturing or killing the birds I would point out to him the great service they are continually doing for us in the de- struction of various worms and insects and small rodents which, if left to themselves, would so multiply as literally to destroy for our use practically all fruit and plant life. I would WIFE AND MOTHER 249 have him remember how many lives are enriched and beautified by their song. I would point out to him their habits of indus- try', their man-elous powers of adaptability, their insight and perseverance. Therefore I would teach him to love, to study, to care for and feed them. Hunting for sport to my mind indicates one of two things — a nature of thoughtlessness as to the almost inex- cusable, or a selfishness so deplorable and so contemptible as to be unworthy a normal or even sane human being. No truly manly man or truly womanly woman will engage in it. Instead of putting into the hands of the child a gun or any weapon that may be instrumental in crippling, torturing or tak- ing the life of even a single animal, I would give him the field glass and the camera, and send him out to be a friend to the animals, to obser\'e and study their characteristics, their habits, to learn from them those wonderful lessons that can be learned, and thus have his whole nature expand in admiration and love and care for them, and become thereby the truly manly and princely type of man, rather than the careless, callous, brutal type. And now I want to speak for a moment of another excellent opportunity for humane teaching, and one that comes near to every woman. I refer to the thoughtless, cruel and inexcusable practice of wearing the skins and plumage of birds for millinery and other decorative purposes. The enormous proportions of this traffic are something simply appalling. In the course of a single day last year in London and from a single auction store the skins of six hundred thousand birds were sold. . . . For the people's sakes as well, even more than for the birds', I would urge attention to and action along this line. The tender and humane passion in the human heart is too precious a quality to allow it to be hardened or effaced by practices such as we so often indulge in. Even from an economic standpoint, the service that birds render us every year, so far as vegetation is concerned, is literally beyond computation. Were they all killed off, the world would soon become practically uninhabit- able for man, because vegetation would each year be blighted or consumed by the broods of insects that would infest it. It 250 THE MOTHERS' BOOK is but necessary to realize how rapidly even during the past several years insect life has been increasing in some places, so as to tax to the utmost the skill of the farmer, the gardener, and the fruit grower. Instead, then, of schooling the child to be the destroyer of bird life, let it be guided along the lines of being its lover and its protector. Instead of being the arch- enemy of, let the children be taught to become friends to, to care for and protect these, their fellow-creatures. Let them be taught to give them always kind words, and kind thoughts as well. Some animals are most sensitively organized. They sense and are influenced by our thoughts and our emotions far more than many people are. And why should we not recognize and speak to the horse as we pass him the same as we do to a fellow human being? While he may not get my exact words, he nevertheless gets and is influenced by the nature of the thought that is behind and that is the spirit of the words. Let the children be taught to become friends in this way. Let them be taught, even though young, to raise the hand against all misuse, abuse, and cruelty. Let them be taught that the horse, for example, when tired or when its load is heavy, needs encouragement the same as a man or a woman needs it, and that the whip is not necessary, except indeed, in cases where he has not been taught to respond to words, but only to the whip. Were I an educator, then, my influence along the lines of hu- mane heart-training I would endeavor to make my chief ser- vice to my pupils. The rules and principles and even facts that are taught them will, nine-tenths of them at least, by and by be forgotten, but by bringing into their lives this higher influence, at once the root and the flower of all that is worthy of the name education, I would give them something that would place them at once in the ranks of the noblest of the race. I would give not only special attention and time to this humane education, but I would introduce it into, and cause it to permeate all of my work. A teacher with a litde insight will be able to find opportunities on every hand. Then were I a mother, I would infuse this same humane in- fluence into all phases of the child's life and growth. Quietly and indirectly I would make all things speak to him in this WIFE AND MOTHER 251 language; I would put into his hands books such as "Black Beauty," "Beautiful Joe," and others of a kindred nature. I would form in my own village or part of the city, were tnere not one there already, a Band of Mercy into which my own and neighbors' children would be called; and thus I would open up another little fountain of humanity for the healing of our troub- led times. One of the most beautiful and valuable features of the kin- dergarten education, which to me covers nearer the true educa- tion than any we have yet seen, is the constantly recurring lesson of love, sympathy, kindness, and care for the animal world. All fellowship thus fostered and the humane sentiments thus in- culcated will, however, return to soften and enrich the child's and later the man's or the woman's life a thousand or a million fold, for we must always bear in mind the fact that every kind- ness shown, every service done to either a fellow human being or a so-called dumb fellow-creature, does us more good than the one for whom or that for which we do it. t5* *3* ^* HOW AND WHEN SHALL WE TEACH SPEECH TO THE DEAF? BY MISS GARRETT THE duties of the present generation to the rising generation are being recognized and performed in the general study of the individual child, and the providing for it the opportu- nity for development of its individual powers to an extent that is most encouraging. . . . Our deaf children have been more or less sharers of the im- proved opportunities, but the proportion of those who have had the chance for the best development of which they are capable has been distressingly small. . . . The oral method for their instruction is gradually supplanting the sign method, so that out of about five hundred and twenty schools in the world about two hundred and thirty of them are 252 THE MOTHERS' BOOK oral schools. While the training of ohildren in and through the medium of communication used in the world in which they must live is an advantage over a training in an arbitrary sign- language which is not understood by others, they still have an additional handicap put upon them which hearing children do not suffer. With a very few exceptions, instead of their speech- training being commenced in babyhood, as ours was, it is de- layed to the school age. We have learned from a few mothers of deaf children that they can be taught and understand by sight if they are trained from infancy to look at the mouths and faces of people who are talking, and if further guided to imitate the speech they thus see, and if sufhcient repetition of this is given them to make up for what hearing children get. I have known mothers who did this so successfully that their children were educated with those who hear, and have been able to mingle freely with the world without any difficulty in understanding other people's speech or making their own understood. It would seem as though nothing more were necessary than to tell this to the mothers and friends of every deaf child to in- duce them to do the same, but wt find that two things must be accomplished before this work can be generally done at home. First. All mothers must be made to realize that it can be done and then they must be shown how to do it. Second. The public must realize that instead of treating deaf children differently from other children, which makes them different, they must simply talk to them from infancy. The most effectual way to do this seemed to be to establish a home for deaf children, with an environment which would se- cure to the children as nearly as possible and under every-day home conditions, while learning to talk, the same amount of repetition of the language through the eye that hearing children get through the ear. We have done this in Pennsylvania, and some of this early work is being done in Chicago and Massa- chusetts, but very little elsewhere, but all of our work together is nothing to what needs to be done to give all deaf children as fair a chance as hearing children. As scarcely any one who has not seen this work realizes what can be done, and as all thinking WIFE AND MOTHER 253 people when they do see it feel that it should be done for all, it seems reasonable to suppose that if we could establish such homes simultaneously in all our States and Territories they would, in the course of a generation, so instruct the parents, friends and the community as to what is possible for the children that after that they would be taught to talk in their own homes as naturally as hearing children there learn, and special institu- tions would be no longer needed. As there is only one deaf child in every fifteen hundred, the demand for homes for them could doubtless easily be supplied. This then seems to me the duty of the hour to little deaf children. With articulate speech, speech-reading and language, their happiness and independence may be said to be secure; without it they are more or less handicapped in every relation in life. If it is better for us to begin in infancy it is better for them. t?* (5* t5* ALCOHOL AND THE CHILD BY CORA D. GRAHAM IN my work as a teacher and as a sociological student, I have found no class of people so responsive to the call of justice as are our young people. A young man just entering college, had promised his mother years ago not to smoke or take the social glass until he left home. Then he thought he would be old enough to decide for himself. The promise had satisfied her, she fondly hoped he would always be in the home. But college aspirations came with the winning of a scholarship, and so at eighteen he was ready to leave. He heard a lecture which pleaded for justice to the children of the next generation; for the giving up of habits which would make the next genera- tion less able to successfully fight life's battles; for the laying of a foundation upon which two souls, equally pure, might build the character of other souls which they might bring into existence. That man frankly told the writer that he had hitherto looked upon these habits as personal and temporal, 254 THE MOTHERS' BOOK but he was now convinced that they were national and eternal in their effects. This is but one example of thousands of boys and girls, young men and young women, who, for the sanctity of the future home, the character oi future children have builded in their youth. Dr. Franz Schonenberger, of Bremen, Germany, said in an educational paper: "Science has established that alcohol destroys first and most those parts which are most delicate and latest developed. These are those wonderfully delicate brain cells upon whose proper formation the difference between men and beasts depends." Professor Victor Horsley, University College, London, England, says that the "contention so often made that small doses of alcohol, such as people take at meals, have practically no deleterious effect, cannot be maintained," and in discussing this subject. Dr. H. F. Hewes, of the depart- ment of Physiological Chemistry in Han-ard Medical School, in the "Boston Medical and Surgical Journal," said that "the sum total of all the results of alcohol upon the body metab- olism certainly inclines the unprejudiced student to agree with Horsley that total abstinence has a scientific basis. " Science has thus shown that in whatever form or quantity alcohol may be taken, it attacks, first, the higher powers of the mind: reason, self-control, altruism, etc., and that children born of users of alcohol have missed a portion of their birth- right, both by heredity and by the "atmosphere" of the home life, however outwardly it may bear the semblance of refine- ment and luxury. On the other hand, we find homes in which the teachings of modem science have been practised, and alcohol banished even as a medicine. These homes bear the hall-mark of happiness, whether rich or poor in this world's goods. Some of these homes are inclined to think and say that, having brought their children up with good habits, they have per- formed their full duty to children and to society, forgetting that many other children have been denied pure environment through ignorance or vice of parents, and must be protected by laws and customs made by the enlightened part of the community. Such self-righteous parents, usually sincere to the WIFE AND MOTHER 255 core, have also not had the arrest of thought which makes one realize that as long as love between man and maid rules, as long as boys must have "chums," and girls their "bosom friends, " no home is really safe until all homes are so. x\lcohol touches the home in still another way. Many people have been deceived by the brewers' advertisement that beer makes brawn, gives strength and efficiency to the work- ing man. Dr. Sims Woodhead, Professor of Pathology in Cambridge University, England, says that "no amount of alcohol, however given, can increase the amount of work done in a given period without giving rise to very serious disturb- ances in some part or other of the body; indeed, the amount of work is never increased, as any temporary excitement is invariably followed by depression of such nature that the in- crease of work supposed to be done during the period of ex- citation is far more than that counterbalanced by the dim- inution in the amount of work done during the period of de- pression. " Thus we see that alcohol affects the working capacity of the father; working capacity determines his wage-value from the unskilled workman to the skilled mechanic, and from these earnings must also be taken a certain amount spent for liquor, so that the net amount of money left for the purchase of the necessities of his family often leaves nothing for the mak- ing of a right environment in which his children may grow up, with good books, good music, and a place to which they may bring their friends instead of meeting them on the streets. They are denied the advantages of education, lack inspiration which comes with it, and early in life enter the line of juvenile wage-earners, oftentimes with but a dull outlook upon life, and in turn become the fathers and mothers of another genera- tion of malformed or degenerate children. So that the so- called personal or individual habit becomes national in its ulti- mate result. Statistics of institutions for feeble-minded children, idiot and lunatic asylums, and of all penal institutions and courts, show that this so-called personal habit is responsible for the largest per cent, in the numbers committed to their respective 256 THE MOTHERS' BOOK keeping. If one claims the right to drink, let us answer that his wife and children have still greater rights upon a well- rounded manhood in husband and father, as well as enough earnings to make the home something more than four walls, food and clothing. Society at large, and his country have also rights upon every citizen. In a report given by a well-known inspector of schools in a metropolitan city, the statement was made that the number of contagious diseases had so alarmingly increased that he was considering the idea of segregating such pupils in school build- ings to be erected for that purpose. Tuberculosis was one of the diseases especially mentioned, and he said that this and other dread diseases found fertile soil in persons suffering from malnutrition, the lack of nourishing food in sufficient quantity. Who that has looked at the drink-habit in but a casual way has not found that glance sufficient to answer the question why so many wives and children go without nourishing food in suf- ficient quantity; why it is that children from such homes, even though they survive to maturity, often find in some unexpected hour that the ill-nourished body of youth had carried through the years the germ of weakness which made it the prey of cer- tain conditions ? Does not alcohol vitally touch the interests of the home? Then, in the school-room, children have been found to be dull in their studies and difficult to discipline. Reports sent home arouse the pride of parents, who, not understanding the real situation, blame the school and whip the child, feel- ing that by this means everything has been adjusted. . . . At the First International Congress of School Hygiene, held a few years ago at a famous European capital, one whole section was devoted to the question of alcohol and the problem not only of how to reach the children under their immediate in- struction, hvii how to bring the teachings of modern science, rela- tive to the nature and efi"ect of alcohol, to the home, to the fathers and mothers and older members of tJie homes represented by the pupils in the schools. This was indeed patriotism of the right sort, where the helping hand of the educated classes was held out to relieve the ignorance of the homes of the land. WIFE AND MOTHER 257 The United States has set a noteworthy example to the other nations of the world, for every State legislature, as well as Congress for the District of Columbia, has placed upon the statute books a law whereby from twenty to thirty lessons per year will be given the children, teaching them, in connection with the various phases of physiology and hygiene, the nature and effect of alcohol upon the human system. No other agency for good, save the public school, comes into direct contact with practically all the individuals forming the masses of this country. Here, then, must we help teachers sympa- thetically and intelligently to carry out the provisions of the law, remembering that not only the millions of school chil- dren to-day will be personally benefited, but that we are in this way helping them to lay strong and clean foundations for future homes, for future children. Here we find the home calling out to the school to come to its rescue in this fight for the highest good of its children. The home is in need of other help in this fight, for one of the liquor dealers has said: "The success of our business is de- pendent largely upon the creation of appetite for drink. The open field for the creation of appetite is among the hoys. After men have grown and their habits are formed they rarely ever change in this regard." The home looks to the men and women of every community to make for the passage of litde feet, of curious eyes and of adolescent unrest, a safe path to school and to church, and on "litde errands for mother." "The creation of appetite among the boys" is easily possible where the open saloon and the gambling dens are sanctioned by the people to whom the chil- dren have been directed as "our best cidzens. " These problems may seem overwhelming in their scope, yet that very fact means that each must lend her talent that the mighty chain of righteousness may be forged to protect the home. You may say that your talent is so small it surely will not help. " The farmer who drops the seed and covers it over has done a little, yet a future harvest hangs upon it. It is a small thing to take a plant from a dark comer and set it in the light, but think what it means to the plant." 258 THE MOTHERS' BOOK THE ABUSE OF DRUGS BY MRS. MARTHA M. ALLEN AS the most successful physicians are laying aside drugs because they can save life better without such agents, wise mothers would do well to imitate their example in such simple cases of illness as call only for home care. Multi- tudes of mothers have done their children great and lasting injury by giving them morphine soothing syrups and mor- phine cough syrups, and whiskey slings, and rock and rye, and coca wines, and headache powders and various other drug preparations which lead to nervous or digestive dis- turbances, and sometimes to death. Dr. Harvey W. Wiley, Chief of the Bureau of Chemistry of the United States Government, has said that over a million of American babies have been killed by morphine soothing syrups. Massachusetts Board of Health years ago warned mothers against morphine in cough syrups and soothing syrups, and said that these preparations sow seeds in children which will bear the most pernicious fruit in adult life. In many homes children have been given for simple ail- ments such wretched nostrums which contain quite considerable percentage of alcohol, with other drugs which are dangerous to health. Most of the sarsaparillas contain iodide of potassium, a drug quite unfit for self-prescription. The action of this drug upon many persons is to bring out an eruption upon the skin. This is taken by the consumer as evidence that the "badness" in his blood is coming out. That is why this drug is placed in the nostrum. Malt extracts are used quite extensively by people who would not drink beer, yet most of these preparations are as strongly alcoholic as ordinary beer or ale. Analysis has shown that they are not aids to digestion as represented; in none of them was there found the slightest diastatic power. Cod-liver oil preparations are much believed in by a large class of people, Vinol being a special favorite. Yet Vinol in its printed circulars admits that it contains no oil. The Com- WIFE AND MOTHER 259 mittee on Pharmacy of the American Medical Association says: "A preparation claiming to represent cod-liver oil which does not contain fat is fraudulent." The committee examined Waterbury's Metabolized Cod-liver Oil and Hagee's Cordial of Cod-liver Oil. The latter is claimed to "represent S3 per cent of pure Norwegian cod-liver oil," yet in neither of these prep- arations did the analysts find oil. They found alcohol, sugar and glycerine, none of which is contained in cod-liver oil. It is hard to convince people that most of the proprietary medicines largely advertised are useless, and in many cases harmful. This is because they feel better for a time after taking a dose. They do not understand that the improved feeling is due to the benumbing action of the alcohol, or mor- phine, or whatever drug is used, nor do they know that if they have any disease this benumbing action is only hiding the symptoms; it has no curative effect. Some of the greatest scientists of Europe are teaching that the use of alcoholic drinks interferes with what is called im- munity to disease. It would be well for mothers to study these teachings. If whiskey slings and quinine and coal-tar remedies and "patent medicines" weaken the system so that disease can more readily find entrance, wise mothers will banish all such agents and seek to learn newer and better methods of caring for their loved ones. . . . Certainly health cannot be purchased at the drug store, nor does it exist in any bottle of liquid or box of pills, nor will these restore health when lost. Nature alone has power to heal. Proper food, exercise, fresh air, and plenty of sleep are nature's restoratives. ((5* (i?* <