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 1 
 
 
 
University of California Berkeley 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF ; ; 4 'H^ 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 GIFT OF 
 
 PROFESSOR 
 GEORGE R. STEWART 
 

 

 v/ Xt*t- y 1 
 
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THE 
 
 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE, 
 
 AND 
 
 MANUAL OF POLITENESS. 
 
 A CBMPLETE HAND BOOK FOR THE USE OF THE LADY IN POLITE SOCIETY. 
 
 PULL DIRECTIONS FOR CORRECT MANNERS, DRESS, DEPORTMENT, AND COS*- 
 VEkSATION J RULES FOR THE DUTIES OF BOTH HOSTESS AND GUEST 
 IN MORNING RKCEPTIONS, DINNER COMPANIES, VISITING, EVEN- 
 ING PARTIES AND BALLS; A COMPLETE GUIDE FOR LET- 
 TER WRITING AND CARDS OP COMPLIMENT; HINTS 
 ON MANAGING SERVANTS, ON THE PRESER- 
 VATION OF HEALTH, AND ON AC- 
 COMPLISHMENTS. 
 
 USEFUL RECEIPTS FOB THE COMPLEXION, HAIR, AND WITH HINTS 
 AND DIRECTIONS FOR THE CARE OF THE WARDROBE. 
 
 BY 
 
 FLORENCE HARTLEY, 
 
 AUTHOR OV THE " LADIES' HAND BOOK OF FANCY AND ORNAMENTAL WORK." 
 
 BOSTON : 
 LEE AND SHEPARD, PUBLISHERS. 
 
 NEW YORK : 
 LEE, SHEPARD, AND DILLINGHAM. 
 
 1875. 
 
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1873, 
 
 BY J. S. LOCKE & CO., 
 In the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington, 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 IN preparing a book of etiquette for ladies, I would lay down 
 is the first rile, " Do unto others as you would others should 
 do to you." You can never be rude if you bear the rule 
 always in mind, for what lady likes to be treated rudely? 
 True Christian politeness will always be the result of an un- 
 selfish regard for the feelings of others, and though you may 
 err in the ceremonious points of etiquette, you will never be im 
 polite. 
 
 Politeness, founded upon such a rule, becomes the expression, 
 in graceful manner, of social virtues. The spirit of politeness 
 consists in a certain attention to forms and ceremonies, which 
 are meant both to please others and ourselves, and to make 
 others pleased with us ; a still clearer definition may be given 
 by saying that politeness is goodness of heart put into daily 
 practice ; the.re can be no true, politeness without kindness, 
 purity, singleness of heart, and sensibility. 
 
 Many believe that politeness is but a mask worn in the world 
 to conceal bad passions and impulses, and to make a show of 
 possessing virtues not really existing in the heart ; thus, that 
 politeness is merely hypocrisy and dissimulation. Do not be- 
 lieve this ; be certain that those who profess such a doctrine 
 are practising themselves the deceit they condemn so much. 
 Such people scout politeness, because, to be truly a lady, one 
 
 3 
 
4 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 must carry the principles into every circumstance uf life, intc 
 the family circle, the most intimate friendship, and never forget 
 to extend the gentle courtesies of life to every one. This they 
 find too much trouble, and so deride the idea of being polite 
 and call it deceitfulness. 
 
 True politeness is the language of a good heart, and those 
 possessing that heart will never, under any circumstances, be 
 rude. They may not enter a crowded saloon gracefully ; they 
 may be entirely igrorant of the forms of good scoiety ; they may 
 be awkward at table, ungramma"tical in speech ; but they will 
 never be heard speaking so as to wound the feelings of another ; 
 they will never be seen making others uncomfortable by seek- 
 ing solely for their own personal convenience ; they will always 
 endeavor to set every one around them at ease ; they will be 
 self-sacrificing, friendly, unselfish ; truly in word and dead, 
 polite. Give to such a woman the knowledge of the forms and 
 customs of society, teach her how best to show the gentle 
 courtesies of life, and you have a lady, created by God, only 
 indebted for the outward polish to the world. 
 
 It is true that society demands this same unselfishness and 
 courtesy, but when there is no heart in the work, the time is 
 frittered away on the mere ceremonies, forms of etiquette, and 
 customs of society, and this politeness seeks only its own ends ; 
 to be known as courteous, spoken of as lady-like, and not be- 
 loved as unselfish and womanly. 
 
 Etiquette exists in some form in all countries, has existed 
 and will exist in all ages. From the rudest savage who dares 
 not approach his ignorant, barbarous ruler without certain 
 forms and ceremonies, to the most polished courts in Europe, or 
 the home circles of America, etiquette reigns 
 
 True politeness will be found, its basis in the human heart, 
 the same in all these varied scenes and situations, but the out- 
 ward forms of etiquette will vary everywhere. Even in the 
 same scene, time will alter every form, and render the exquisite 
 polish of last year, obsolete rudeness next year. 
 
 Politeness, being based upon real kindness of heart, cannot 
 exist where there is selfishness or brutality to warp its growth. 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 \t is 'founded upon love of the neighbor, and a desire to be be 
 fored, and to show love. Thus, where such pure, noble feel- 
 ings do not exist, the mere forms of politeness become hy- 
 pocrisy and deceit. 
 
 Rudeness will repel, where courtesy would attract friends. 
 
 Never by word or action notice the defects of another j be 
 charitable, for all need charity. Remember who said, " Let 
 him that is without fault cast the first stone." Remember that 
 the law^ of politeness require the consideration of the feelings 
 of others ; the endeavor to make every one feel at ease ; and 
 frank courtesy towards, all. Never meet rudeness in others 
 with rudeness upon your own part; even the most brutal 
 and impolite will be more shamed by being met with courtesy 
 and kindness, than by any attempt to annoy them by insolence 
 on your part. 
 
 Politeness forbids any display of resentment. The polished 
 surface throws back the arrow. 
 
 Remember that a favor becomes doubly valuable if granted 
 with courtesy, and that the pain of a refusal may be softened 
 if the manner expresses polite regret. 
 
 Kindness, even to the most humble, will never lose anything 
 by being offered in. a gentle, courteous manner, and the most 
 common-place action will admit of grace and ease in its execu- 
 tion. 
 
 Let every action, while it is finished in strict accordance 
 with etiquette, be, at the same time, easy, as if dictated solely 
 by the heart. 
 
 To be truly polite, remember you must be polite at all times, 
 and under all circumstances. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 ThlTVBRSATIOir. 
 
 DRESS 
 
 TRAVELING , 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 CHAPTER IIL 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 HOW TO BEHAVE AT A HOTEL 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 EVENING PARTIES Etiquette for the Hostess 
 
 CHAPTER VL 
 Jrwrnra PARTIES Etiquette for the Quest. 
 
 CHAPTER VIL 
 VISITING Etiquette for the Hostess 
 
 CHAPTER VIIL 
 VISITING Etiquette for the Quest 
 
 . 11 
 
 .. 44 
 
 .. 64 
 
8 CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER IX> 
 
 r&ei 
 
 MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS Etiquette for the Hostess 76 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS Etiquette for the Caller.... 81 
 
 . CHAPTER XL 
 DINNER COMPANY Etiquette for the Hostess , 87 
 
 CHAPTER XIL 
 DINNER COMPANY Etiquette for the Guest..... 97 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 TABLE ETIQUETTE 105 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 CONDUCT IN THE STREET 109 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 LJBTTER WRITING 116 
 
 'CHAPTER XVL 
 POLITE DEPORTMENT AND GOOD HABITS 142 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 COHDUCT IN CHURCH 154 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE For the Hostess M 158 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE For the Quest 166 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 PLACES OF AMUSEMENT...... > 172 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER XXI. 
 
 MM 
 
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS . 178 
 
 CHAPTER XXIL 
 SERVANTS 232 
 
 CHAPTER XXIII. 
 Oir A 5TouNO LADY'S CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE 244 
 
 CHAPTER XXIV. 
 BRIDAL ETIQUETTE . 259 
 
 CHAPTER XXV. 
 HINTS ON HEALTH.. 264 
 
 CHAPTER XXVI. 
 MISCELLANEOUS 283 
 
 RECEIPTS. 
 FOR THE COMPLEXION. &o. ...... ................. *..** MJ 
 
LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE, 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 CONVERSATION. 
 
 THE art of conversation consists in the exercise of two 
 fine qualities. You must originate, and you must sym- 
 pathize ; you must possess at the same time the habit of 
 communicating and of listening attentively. The union 
 is rare but irresistible. Nqne but an excessively ill-bred 
 person will allow her attention to wander from the per- 
 son with whom she is conversing ; and especially she will 
 never, while seeming to be entirely attentive to her com- 
 panion, answer a remark or question made to another 
 person, in another group. Unless the conversation be 
 general among a party of friends, confine your remarks 
 and attention entirely to the person with whom you are 
 conversing. Steele says, " I would establish but one 
 great general rule in conversation, which is this- -th*>, 
 people should not talk to please themselves, but those 
 who hear them. This would make them consider whether 
 
 11 
 
12 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 what they speak be worth hearing ; whether there be 
 either wit or sense in what they are about to say ; and 
 whether it be adapted to the time when, the place where,., 
 and the person to whom, it is spoken." 
 
 Be careful in conversation to avoid topics which may 
 be supposed to have any direct reference to events or 
 circumstances which may be painful for your companion 
 to hear discussed ; you may unintentionally start a sub- 
 ject which annoys or troubles the friend with whom you 
 may be conversing ; in that case, do not stop abruptly, 
 when you perceive that it causes pain, and, above all, do 
 not make the matter worse by apologizing ; turn to an- 
 other subject as soon as possible, and pay no attention 
 to the agitation your unfortunate remark may have -ex- 
 cited. Many persons will, for the sake of appearing 
 witty or smart, wcmnd the feelings of another deeply ; 
 avoid this ; it is not only ill-bred, but cruel. 
 
 Remember that having all the talk sustained by one 
 person is not conversation ; do not engross all the atten- 
 tion yourself, by refusing to allow another person an op- 
 portunity to speak, and also avoid the other extreme of 
 total silence, or answering only in monosyllables. 
 
 If your companion relates an incident or tells a story, 
 be very careful not to interrupt her by questions, even 
 . if you do not clearly understand her ; wait until she has 
 finished her relation, and then ask any questions you may 
 desire. There is nothing more annoying than to be so 
 interrupted. I have heard a story told to an impertinent 
 listener, which ran in this way : 
 
 " I saw a fearful sighl 
 
 "When?" 
 
CONVERSATION. 13 
 
 "I was about to tell you; last Monday, on the train " 
 
 " What train ?" 
 
 " The train from B . We were near the bridge " 
 
 "What bridge?" 
 
 "I will tell you all about it, if you will only let mj 
 Bpeak. I was coming from B " 
 
 " Last Monday, did you say ?" 
 
 and so on. The story was interrupted at every sentence, 
 and the relator condemned as a most tedious story-teller, 
 when, had he been permitted to go forward, he would 
 have made the incident interesting and short. 
 
 Never interrupt any one who is speaking. It is- very 
 ill-bred. If you see that a person to whom you wish to 
 speak is being addressed by another person, never speak 
 until she has heard and replied; until her conversation 
 with that person is finished. No truly polite lady ever 
 breaks in upon a conversation or interrupts another 
 speaker. 
 
 Never, in speaking to a married lady, enquire for her 
 husband^ or, if a gentleman, ask for his wife. The ele- 
 gant way is to call the absent party by their name ; ask 
 Mr. Smith how Mrs Smith is, or enquire of Mrs. Jones 
 for Mr. Jones, but never for "your husband" or "your 
 "wife." On the other hand, if you are married, never 
 speak of your husband as your "lord," "husband," or 
 "good man," avoid, also, unless amongst relatives, call- 
 ing him by his Christian name. If you wish others to 
 respect him, show by speaking of him in respectful terms 
 that you do so yourself. If either your own husband or 
 your friend's is in the* army or navy, or can claim the 
 Dr., Prof., or any other prefix to his name, there is no 
 
14 LADIES' BOOK or ETIQUETTE. 
 
 impropriety in speaking of him as the colonel, doctor, 
 or whatever his title may be. 
 
 It is a mark of ill-breeding to use French phrases or 
 words, unless you are sure your companion is a French 
 scholar, and, even then, it is best to avoid them. Above 
 all, io not use any foreign word or phrase, unless you 
 have the language perfectly at your command. I heard 
 a lady once use a Spanish quotation ; she had mastered 
 that one sentence alone ; but a Cuban gentleman, de- 
 lighted to meet an American who could converse with 
 him in his own torigue, immediately addressed her in 
 Spanish. Embarrassed and ashamed, she was obliged 
 to confess that her knowledge of the language was con- 
 fined to one quotation. 
 
 Never anticipate the point or joke of any anecdote 
 told in your presence. If you have heard the story be- 
 fore, it may be new to others, and the narrator should 
 always be allowed to finish it in his own words. To take 
 any sentence from the mouth of another person, before 
 he has time to utter it, is the height of ill-breeding. 
 Avoid it carefully. 
 
 Never use the phrases, "What-d-ye call it," "Thin- 
 gummy," "What's his name," or any such substitutes 
 for a proper name or place. If you cannot recall the 
 names you wish to use, it is better not to tell the story 
 or incident connected with them. No lady of high 
 breeding will ever use these substitutes in conversation. 
 . Be careful always to speak in a distinct, clear voice ; 
 at the same time avoid talking too loudly, there is a happy 
 medium between mumbling and screaming. Strive to 
 attain it. 
 
CONVERSATION. 15 
 
 Overlook the deficiencies of others when conversing 
 ."With them, as they may 'be the results of ignorance, and 
 impossible to correct. Never pain another person by 
 correcting, before otherj, a word or phrase mispronounced 
 or ungrammatically constructed. If your intimacy will 
 allow it, speak of the fault upon another occasion, kindly 
 and privately, or let it pass. Do not be continually 
 watching for faults, that you may display your own su- 
 perior wisdom in correcting them. Let modesty and 
 kind feeling govern your conversation, as other rules of 
 life. If, on the other hand, your companion uses words 
 or expressions which you cannot understand, do not af- 
 fect knowledge, or be ashamed of your ignorance, but 
 frankly ask for an explanation. 
 
 In conversing with professional gentlemen, never 
 question them upon matters connected with their em- 
 ployment. An author may communicate, voluntarily, in- 
 formation interesting to you, upon the subject of his 
 works, but any questions from you would be extremely 
 rude. If you meet a physician who is attending a 
 friend, you may enquire for their progress, but do not 
 expect him to give you a detailed account of the disease 
 and his manner of treating it. The same rule applies 
 to questioning lawyers about their clients, artists on 
 their paintings, merchants or mechanics of their several 
 branches of business. Professional or business men, 
 when with ladies, generally wish for miscellaneous sub- 
 jects of conversation, and, as their visits* are fo* recrea- 
 tion, they will feel excessively annoyed if obliged to 
 "talk sbop." Still many men can converse on no other 
 Bubject than their every day employment "In this case 
 
16 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 listen politely, and show your interest. You will proba- 
 bly gain useful information in such conversation. 
 
 Never question the veracity of any statement made 
 in general conversation. If you^are certain a statement 
 is false, and it is injurious to another person, who may 
 be absent, you may quietly and courteously inform the 
 speaker that he is mistaken, but if the falsehood is of 
 no consequence, let it pass. If a statement appears 
 monstrous, but you do not know that it is false, listen, 
 but do not question its veracity. It n\ay be true, though 
 it strikes you as improbable. 
 
 Never attempt to disparage an absent friend. It is 
 the height of meanness. If others admire her, and you 
 do not, let them have their opinion in peace ; you will 
 probably fail if you try to lower her in their esteem, and 
 gain for yourself the character of an ill-natured, envious 
 person. 
 
 In conversing with foreigners, if they speak slight 
 ingly of the manners of your country, do not retort 
 rudely, or resentfully. If their views are wron^, con- 
 verse upon the subject, giving them frankly your views, 
 but never retaliate by telling them that some custom of 
 their own country is worse. A gentleman or lady of 
 true refinement will always give ygur words candid con- 
 sideration, and admit that an American may possibly 
 know the customs of her country better than they do, 
 and if your opponent is not well-bred, your rudeness 
 will not improve his manners. Let the conversation 
 upon national subjects be candid, and at the same time 
 Courteous, and leave him to think that the ladies in 
 
CONVERSATION. 17 
 
 America are well-bred, however much he may dislike 
 Borne little national peculiarity. 
 
 Avoid, at all times, mentioning subjects or incidents 
 that can in any way disgust your hearers. Many persons 
 will enter into the details of sicknesses which should be 
 mentioned only when absolutely necessary, or describe 
 the most revolting scenes before a room full of people, or 
 even at table. Others speak of vermin, noxious plants, 
 or instances of uncleanliness. All such conversation or 
 allusion is excessively ill-bred: It is not only annoying, 
 but absolutely sickening to some, and a truly lady-like 
 person will avoid all such topics. 
 
 I- cannot too severely censure the habit of using sen- 
 tences which admit of a double meaning. It is not only 
 ill-bred, but indelicate, and no person of true refinement 
 will ever do it. If you a"l'e so unfortunate as to converse* 
 with one who uses such phrases, never by word, look, or 
 sign show that you understand any meaning beyond the 
 plain, outspoken language. 
 
 Avoid always any discussion upon religious topics, 
 unless you are perfectly certain that your remarks can- 
 not annoy or pain any one present. If you are tete-&- 
 tete with a friend, and such a discussion arise, inquire 
 your companion's church and mention your own, that 
 you may yourself avoid unpleasant remarks, and caution 
 him. 
 
 Never, when advancing an opinion, assert positively 
 that a thing "is so," but give your opinion as an opin- 
 ion. Say, " I think this is so," or u these are my views," 
 but remember that your companion may be better in- 
 formed upon the subject under discussion, or, where it is 
 2 
 
18 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 a mere matter of taste or feeling, do not expect mat al] 
 the world will feel exactly as you do. 
 
 Never repeat to a person with whom you converse, any 
 unpleasant speech you may have heard concerning her. 
 If you can give her pleasure by the repetition of a deli- 
 cate compliment, or token of approval shown by a mutual 
 friend, tell her the pleasant speech or incident, but do 
 not hurt her feelings, or involve her in a quarrel by the 
 repetition of ill-natured remarks. 
 
 Amongst well-bred persons, every conversation is con- 
 sidered in a measure confidential. A lady or gentleman 
 tacitly confides in you when he (or she) tells you an in- 
 cident which may cause trouble if repeated, and you 
 violate a confidence as much in such a repetition, as if 
 you were bound over to secrecy. Remember this. 
 
 Never criticise a companion's dress, or indeed x make 
 any remark whatever upon it. If a near friend, you 
 may, if sincere, admire any article, but with a mere ac- 
 quaintance let it pass unnoticed. If, however, any acci- 
 dent has happened to the dress, of which she is ignorant, 
 tell her of it, and assist ber in repairing the mischief. 
 
 To be able to converse really well, you must read 
 much, treasure in your memory the pearls of what you 
 read; you must have a quick comprehension, observe 
 passing events, and listen attentively whenever there is 
 any opportunity of acquiring knowledge. A quick tact 
 is necessary, too, in conversation. To converse with an 
 entirely uneducated person upon literature, interlarding 
 your remarks with quotations, is ill-bred. It places 
 them i*i an awkward situation, and does not add to your 
 popularity. In conversing with persons of refinement 
 
CONVERSATION. 19 
 
 and intelligence, do not endeavor to attract their admi- 
 ration by pouring forth every item of your own informa- 
 tion upon the subject under consideration, but listen as 
 well as talk, and modestly follow their lead. I do not 
 mean, to assent to any opinion they may advance, if you 
 really differ in your own tastes, but do not be too ready 
 t:> show your superior^ judgment or information. Avoid 
 argument ; it is not conversation, and frequently leads 
 to ill feeling. If you are unfortunately drawn into an 
 argument, keep your temper uncTer perfect control, and 
 if you find your adversary is getting too warm, endeavor 
 to introduce some other topic. 
 
 Avoid carefully any allusion to the age or personal 
 defects of your companion, or any one who may be in 
 the room, and be very careful in your language when 
 speaking of a stranger to another person. I have heard 
 a lady inquire of a gentleman, " who that frightful girl 
 in blue could be," and receive the information tfyt the 
 lady in question was the gentleman's own sister. 
 
 Be careful, when traveling, not to wound the feelings 
 of your friends in another country or city, by underrat- 
 ing their native place, or attempting to prove the supe- 
 riority of your own home over theirs. 
 
 Very young girls are apt to suppose, from what they 
 observe in older ones, that there is some particular man- 
 ner to be put on, in talking to gentlemen, and, not 
 knowing exactly what it is, they are embarrassed and 
 reserved ; others observe (jertain airs and looks, used by 
 their elders in this intercourse, and try to imitate them, 
 as a necessary part of company behaviours, and, so be- 
 come affected, and lose that first of charms, simplicity^ 
 
20 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 natural grace. To such, let me say, your companions 
 are in error ; it requires no peculiar manner, nothing to 
 be put on, in order to converse with gentlemen, any more 
 than with ladies ; and the more pure and elevated your 
 sentiments are, and the better cultivated your intellect 
 is, the easier will you find it to converse pleasantly with 
 all. One good rule can be always followed by young la- 
 dies; to converse with a lady friend as if there were gen- 
 tlemen present, and to converse with a gentleman as if 
 in the room with other ladies. 
 
 Avoid affectation ; it is the sure test of a deceitful, 
 vulgar mind. . The best cure is to try to have those vir- 
 tues which you would affect, and then they will appear 
 naturally. 
 
CHAPTER II. 
 
 DRESS. . 
 
 A. 
 
 " A LADY is never so well dressed as when you cannot 
 remember what she wears." 
 
 No truer remark than the above was ever made. Such 
 an effect can only be produced where every part of the 
 dress harmonizes entirely with the other parts, where 
 each color or shade suits the wearer's style completely, 
 and where there is perfect neatness in each detail. One 
 glaring color, or conspicuous article, would entirely mar 
 the beauty of such a dress. It is, unfortunately, too 
 much the custom in America to wear any article, or shape 
 in make, that is fashionable, without any regard to tho 
 Btyle of the person purchasing goods. If it is the fashion 
 it must be worn, though it may greatly exaggerate a slight 
 personal defect, or conceal or mar what would otherwise 
 be a beauty. It requires the exercise of some judgment 
 to decide how far an individual may follow the dictates 
 of fashion, in order to avoid the appearance of eccen- 
 tricity, and yet wear what js peculiarly becoming to her 
 own face or figure. Another fault of our fair country- 
 women is their extravagance in dress. No better advico 
 can be given to a young person than to dress always aa- 
 
 21 
 
22 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 cording to her circumstances. She will be more re 
 Bpected with a simple wardrobe, if it is known either 
 that she is dependent upon her own exertions for support, 
 or is saving a husband or father from unnecessary outlay, 
 than if she wore the most costly fabrics, and by so doing 
 incurred debt or burdened her relatives with heavy, un- 
 warrantable expense. If neatness, consistency, and 
 good taste, preside over the wardrobe of a lady, ex- 
 pensive fabrics will not be needed; for with the simplest 
 materials, harmony of color, accurate fitting to the figure, 
 and perfect neatness, she will always appear well dressed. 
 
 GENERAL RULES. 
 
 NEATNESS This is the first of all rules to be ob- 
 served with regard to dress. Perfect cleanliness and 
 careful adjustment of each article in the dress are indis- 
 pensable in a finished toilet. Let the hair be always 
 smooth and becomingly arranged, each article exquisitely 
 clean, neat collar and sleeves, and tidy shoes and stock- 
 ings, and the simplest dress will appear well, while a 
 torn or soiled collar, rough hair, or untidy feet will en- 
 tirely ruin the effect of the most costly and elaborate 
 dress. The many articles required in a lady's wardrobe 
 make a neat arrangement of her drawers and closets 
 necessary, and also require care in selecting and keeping 
 goods in proper, order. A fine collar or lace, if tumbled 
 or soiled, will lose its beauty when contrasted with the 
 same article in the coarsest material perfectly pure and 
 smooth. Each article of dress, when taken off, should 
 be placed carefully and smoothly in its proper place. 
 Nice dresses should be hung up by a loop on the inside 
 
DRESS. 28 
 
 
 
 of the waistband, with the skirts turned inside out, and 
 the body turned inside of the skirt. Cloaks should hang 
 in smooth folds from a loop on the inside of the neck. 
 Shawls should be always folded in the creases in which 
 they were purchased. All fine articles, lace, embroidery, 
 and handkerchiefs, should be placed by themselves in a 
 drawer, always laid out smoothly, and kept from dust. 
 Purs should be kept in a box, alone, and in summer 
 carefully packed, with a quantity of lump camphor to 
 protect from moths. The bonnet should always rest 
 upon a stand in the band-box, as the shape and trimming 
 will both be injured by letting it lie either on the face", 
 sides, or crown. 
 
 ADAPTIVENESS Let each dress worn by a lady be 
 suitable to the occasion upon which she wears it. A 
 toilet may be as offensive to good taste and propriety by 
 being too elaborate, as by being slovenly. Never wear 
 a dress which is out of place or- out of season under the 
 impression that "it will do for once," or "nobody will 
 notice it." It is in as bad taste to receive your morning 
 calls in an elaborate evening dress, as it would be to at- 
 tend a ball in your morning wrapper. 
 
 HARMONY To appear well dressed without harmony, 
 both in color and materials, is impossible. When ar- 
 ranging any dress, whether for home, street, or evening, 
 be careful that each color harmonizes well with the rest, 
 and let no one article, by its glaring costliness,- make all 
 the rest appear mean. A costly lace worn over a thin, 
 flimsy silk, will only make the dress appear poorer, not, 
 as some suppose, hide its defects. A rich trimming 
 looks as badly upon a cheap dress, as a mean one does 
 
24 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 * 
 
 upon an expensive fabric. Observe this rule always in 
 purchasing goods. One costly article will entirely ruin 
 the harmony in a dress, which, without it, though plain 
 and inexpensive, would be becoming and beautiful. 'Do 
 not save on the dress or cloak to buy a more elaborate 
 bonnet, but let the cost be well equalized and the effect 
 will be good. A plain merino or dark silk, with a cloth 
 cloak, will look much better than the mos't expensive 
 velvet cloak over a cheap delaine dress. 
 
 FASHION Do not be too submissive to the dictates of 
 fashion ; at the same time avoid oddity or eccentricity 
 fti your dress. There are some persons who will follow, 
 in defiance of taste aid judgment, the fashion to its 
 most extreme point ; this is a sure mark of vulgarity. 
 Every new style of dress will admit of adaptation to in- 
 dividual cases, thus producing a pleasing, as well aa 
 fashionable effect. Not only good taste, but health is 
 often sacrificed' to the silly error of dressing in the ex- 
 treme of fashion. Be careful to have your dress com- 
 fortable and becoming, and let the prevailing mode come 
 into secondary consideration ; avoiding, always, the other 
 extreme of oddity or eccentricity in costume. 
 
 STYLE AND FORM OF DRESS Be always careful when 
 making up the various parts of your wardrobe, that each 
 article fits you accurately. Not in the outside garments 
 alone must this rule be followed, an ill-fitting pair of 
 corsets, or wrinkles in any other article of the unlcr- 
 clothes, will make a dress set badly, even if it has been 
 itself fitted with the utmost accuracy. A stocking which 
 is too large, will make the boot uncomfortably tight, and 
 too small will compress the foot, making the shoe loose 
 
DRESS. 26 
 
 and untidy. In a dross, no outlay upon the material will 
 compensate for a badly fitting garment. A cheap calico 
 made to fit the form accurately and easily, will give tho 
 wearer a more lady-like air than the richest silk which 
 either wrinkles or is too tightly strained over the figure, 
 dollars or sleeves, pinned over or tightly strained to 
 raset, will entirely mar the effect of the prettiest dress. 
 
 ECONOMY And by economy I do not mean^meie 
 cheapness. To buy a poor, flimsy fabric merely because 
 the price is low, is extravagance, not economy ; still 
 worse if you l}uy articles because they are offered cheap, 
 when you have no use for them. In purchasing goods 
 for the wardrobe, let each mate'rial be the best of its 
 kind. The same amount of sewing that is put into a 
 good material, must be put into a poor one, and, as the 
 latter will very soon wash or wear out, there must be an- 
 other one to 'supply its place, purchased and made up, 
 when, by buying a good article at first, this time and 
 labor might have been saved. A good, strong material 
 will be found cheapest in the end. though the actual ex- 
 penditure of money may be larger at first. 
 
 COMFORT Many ladies have to trace months of se- 
 vere suffering to an improper ^regard of comfort, in 
 * preparing their wardrobe, or in exposure after they are 
 dressed. The most exquisite ball costume will never 
 compensate for the injury done by tight lacing, the 
 prettiest foot is dearly paid for by the pain a tight boot 
 entails, and the most graceful effects will not prevent 
 Buffering from exposure to cold. A light ball dress and 
 exquisite arrangement of the hair, too often make the 
 wearer dare the inclemency of the coldest night, by 
 
26 LADIES* BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 wearing a light shawl or hood, to prevent crushing deli- 
 cate lace or flowers. Make it a fixed rule to have the 
 head, feet, and chest well protected when going to a 
 party, even at the risk of a crushed flower or a stray 
 curl. Many a fair head has been laid in a coffin, a 
 vi itim to consumption, from rashly venturing out of a 
 heated ball room, flushed and excited, with only a light 
 protection against keen night air. The excitement of 
 the occasion may prevent immediate discomfort in such 
 cases, but it adds to the subsequent danger. . 
 
 DETAILS Be careful always that the details of your 
 dress are perfectly finished in every point. The small 
 articles of a wardrobe require constant care to keep in 
 perfect order, yet they will wofully revenge themselves 
 if neglected. Let the collar, handkerchief, boots, gloves, 
 and belts be always whole, neat, and adapted to the 
 dress. A lace collar will look as badly over a chintz 
 dress, as a linen one would with velvet, though each may 
 be perfect of its kind. Attention to these minor points 
 are sure tests of taste in a lady's dress. A shabby or 
 ill fitting boot or glove will ruin the most* elaborate 
 walking dress, while one of much plainer make and 
 coarser fabric will be becoming and lady-like, if all the 
 details are accurately fitted, clean, and well put on. lit 
 arranging a* dress for every occasion, be careful that 
 there is no missing string, hook, or button, that the folds 
 hang well, and that every part is even and properly ad- 
 justel. Let the skirts hang smoothly, the outside ones 
 being always about an inch longer than the under ones ; 
 let the dress set smoothly, carefully hooked or buttoned ; 
 let tne collar fit neatly, arid be fastened firmly and 
 
DRESS. 27 
 
 smoothly at the throat ; let shoes and stockings be whole, 
 clean, and fit nicely ; let the hair be smooth and glossy, 
 the skin pure, and the colors and fabric of your dress 
 harmonize and be suitable for the occasion, and you will 
 always appear both lady-like and well-dressed. 
 
 HOME DUESSES. 
 
 MORXING DRESS The most suitable dress for break- 
 fast, is a wrapper made to fit the figure loosely, and tho 
 material, excepting when the winter weather requires 
 woolen goods, should be of chintz, gingham, brilliante, 
 or muslin. A lady who has children, or one accustomed 
 to perform for herself light household duties, will soon 
 find the advantage of wearing materials that will wash. 
 A large apron of domestic gingham, which can be taken 
 off, if the wearer is called to see unexpected visiters, will 
 protect the front of the dress, and save washing the 
 wrapper too frequently. If a lady's domestic duties re- 
 quire her attention for several hours in the morning, 
 whilst her list of acquaintances is large, and she has 
 frequent morning calls, it is best to dress for callers be- 
 fore breakfast, and wear over this dress a loose sack and 
 skirt of domestic gingham. This, while protecting the 
 dress perfectly, can be taken off at a moment's notice if 
 callers are announced. Married ladies often wear a cap 
 in the morning, and lately, young girls have adopted the 
 fashion. It is much better to let the hair be perfectly 
 smooth, requiring no cap, which is often worn to conceal 
 the lazy, slovenly arrangement of the hair. A few mo- 
 ments given to making the hair smooth and presentable 
 without any covering, will not be wasted. Slippers of 
 
28 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 embroidered cloth are prettiest -with a wrapper, and in 
 summer black morocco is the most suitable for the houso 
 in the morning. 
 
 DRESS FOR MORNING VISITS A lady should never 
 receive her morning callers in a wrapper, unless they call 
 at an unusually early hour, or some unexpected demand 
 upon her time makes it impossible to change her dress 
 after breakfast. On the other hand, an elaborate cos- 
 tume before dinner is in excessively bad taste. The 
 dress should be made to fit the figure neatly, finished at 
 the throat and wrists by an embroidered collar and cuffs, 
 and, unless there is a necessity for it, in loss of the hair 
 or age, there should be no cap or head dress worn. A 
 wrapper made with handsome trimming, open over a 
 pretty white skirt, may be worn with propriety ; but tho 
 simple dress worn for breakfast, or in the exercise of 
 domestic duties, is not suitable for the parlor when re- 
 ceiving visits of ceremony in the morning. 
 
 EVENING DRESS The home evening dress should be 
 varied according to circumstances. If no visitor is ex- 
 pected, the dress worn in the morning is suitable for the 
 evening ; but to receive visitors, it should be of lighter 
 material, and a light head-dress may be worn. For 
 young ladies, at home, ribbon or velvet are the most 
 suitable materials for a head-dress. Flowers, unless 
 they be natural ones in summer, are in very 'bad taste, 
 excepting in cases where a party of invited guests are 
 expected. Dark silk in winter, and thin material in 
 summer, make the most suitable dresses for evening, and 
 the reception of tnt chance-guests ladies in society may 
 usually expect. 
 
DRESS. 29 
 
 WALKING DRESSES Walking dresses, to be in good 
 taste, should be of quiet colors, and never conspicuous. 
 Browns, modes, and neutral tints, with black and white, 
 make the prettiest dresses for the street. Above all, 
 avoid wearing several bright colors. One may be worn 
 with perfect propriety to take off the sombre effect of a 
 dress of brown or black, but do not let it be too glaring, 
 and wear but little of it. Let the boots be sufficiently 
 strong and thick to protect the feet from damp or dust, 
 and wear always neat, clean, nicely fitting gloves. The 
 entire effect of the most tasteful costume will be ruined 
 if attention is not paid to the details of dress. A soiled 
 bonnet cap, untidy strings, or torn gloves and collar will 
 utterly spoil the prettiest costume. There is no surer 
 mark of vulgarity than over dressing or gay dressing in 
 the street. Let the materials be of the costliest kind, 
 if you will, but do not either wear the exaggerations of 
 the fashion, or conspicuous colors. Let good taste dic- 
 tate the limits where fashion may rule, and let the colors 
 harmonize well, and be of such tints as will not attract 
 attention. 
 
 FOR MORNING CALLS The dress should be plain, 
 and in winter furs and dark gloves may be worn. 
 
 FOR BRIDAL CALLS The dress should be of light 
 Bilk, the bonnet dressy, and either a rich shawl : r light 
 cloak ; no furs, and light gloves. In summer, < lacs or 
 silk mantle and white gloves should be worn. 
 
 SHOPPING DRESSES Should be of such material as 
 will bear the crush of a crowded store without injury, 
 and neither lace or delicate fabrics should ever be worn. 
 A dress of merino in winter, with a cloth cloak and 
 
30 LADIES' BOOK OF FIIQUETTE. 
 
 plain velvet or silk bonnet is the most suitable. In 
 Bummer, a dress and cloak of plain mode-colored Lavclla 
 cloth, or any other cool but strong fabric, with a simply 
 trimmed straw bonnet, is the best dress for a shopping 
 excursion. 
 
 STORM DRESSES A lady who is obliged to go out 
 frequently in bad weather, will find it both a convenience 
 and economy to have a storm dress. Both dress and 
 cloak should be made of a woolen material, (varying of 
 course with the season,) which will shed water. White 
 skirts are entirely out of place, as, if the dress is held 
 up, they will be in a few moments disgracefully dirty. 
 A woolen skirt, made quite short, to clear the muddy 
 streets, is the proper thing. Stout, thick-soled boots, 
 and gloves of either silk, beaver-cloth, or lisle thread, 
 are the most suitable. The bonnet should be either of 
 straw or felt, simply trimmed ; and, above all, carry a 
 large umbrella. The little light umbrellas are very 
 pretty, no doubt, but to be of any real protection in a 
 storm, the umbrella should be large enough to protect 
 the whole dress. 
 
 MARKETING Here a dress of the most inexpensive 
 kind is the best. There is no surer mark of vulgarity, 
 than a costly dress in the market. A chintz is the best 
 skirt to wear, and in winter a dark chintz skirt put on 
 over a delaine dress, will protect it from baskets, and 
 the unavoidable soils contracted in a market, while it 
 looks perfectly well, and can be washed if required. 
 
 TRAVELING Traveling dresses should be made always 
 of some quiet color, perfectly plain, with a deep mantle 
 r cloak of the same material. "When traveling with a 
 
DRESS. 31 
 
 babe, a dress of material that will wash is the 
 best, I at it should be dark and plain. A conspicuous 
 traveling dress is in very bad taste, and jewelry or orna- 
 ments Df any kind are entirely out of place. Let the 
 dress be made of dark, plain material, with a simple 
 straw )r felt bonnet, trimmed with the same color as the 
 dress, and a thick barege veil. An elastic string run 
 through a tuck made in the middle of the veil, will allow 
 one half to fall over the face, while the other half falls 
 back, covering the bonnet,' and protecting it from dust. 
 If white collars and sleeves are worn, they should be of 
 linen, perfectly plain. Strong boots and thick gloves 
 are indispensable in traveling, and a heavy shawl should 
 be carried, to meet any sudden change in the weather. 
 Corsets and petticoats of dark linen are more suitable 
 than white ones, as there is so much unavoidable dust 
 and mud constantly meeting a traveler. 
 
 EVENING DRESSES Must be governed by the number 
 of guests you may expect to meet, and the character of 
 the entertainment to which you are invited. For small 
 social companies, a dark silk in winter, ami a pretty 
 lawn, barege, or white muslin in summer, are the most 
 appropriate. A light head-dress of ribbon or velvet, or 
 a plain cap, are the most suitable with this dress. For 
 a larger party, low-necked, short-sleeved silk, light col- 
 ored, or any of the thin goods made expressly for evening 
 wear, with kid gloves, either of a color to match the 
 dress or of white ; black lace mittens are admissable, and 
 flowers in the hair. A ball dress should be made of either 
 very dressy silk, or light, thin material made over silk. 
 It should be trimmed with lace, flowers, or ribbon, and 
 
32 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 made dressy. The coiffure should be elaborate, and 
 match the dress, being either of ribbon, feather, or 
 flowers. White kid gloves, trimmed to match the dress, 
 and white or black satin slippers, with silk stockings, 
 must be worn. 
 
 MOURNING There is such a variety of opinion upon 
 the subject of mourning, that it is extremely difficult to 
 lay down any general rules upon the subject. Some 
 wear very close black for a long period, for a distant 
 relative ; whilst others will wear dressy mourning for a 
 short time in a case of death in the immediate family. 
 There is no rule either for the depth of mourning, or the 
 time when it may be laid aside, and I must confine m^ 
 remarks to the different degrees of mourning. 
 
 For deep mourning, the dress should be of bombazine 
 Parramatta cloth, delaine, barege, or merino, made uy 
 over black lining. The only appropriate trimming is r 
 deep fold, either of the same material or of crape. Thr 
 shawl or* cloak must be of plain black, without border o; 
 trimming, unless a fold of crape be put on the cloak ; th/ 
 bonnet should be of crape, made perfectly plain, witl 
 crape facings, unless the widow's cap be worn, and u\ 
 deep crape veil should be thrown over both face an<? 
 bonnet. Black crape collar and sleeves, and black boot! 
 and gloves. The next degree is to wear white collai 
 and sleeves, a bow of crape upon the bonnet, and 
 plain white lace facings, leaving off the crape veil, and 
 substituting one of plain black net. A little later, black 
 silk without any gloss, trimmed with crape, may be worn, 
 and delaine or bombazine, with a trimming of broad, 
 plain ribbon, or a bias fold of silk. The next stage ad- 
 
DRESS. 33 
 
 mits a silk bonnet trimmed with crape, 'and lead color, 
 dark purple, or white figures, on the dress. From this 
 the mourning passes into second mourning. Here a 
 straw bonnet, trimmed with black ribbon or crape 
 flowers, or a silk bonnet with black flowers on the out- 
 side, and white ones in the face, a black silk dress, and 
 gray shawl or cloak, may be worn. Lead color, purple, 
 lavender, and white, are all admissible in second mourn- 
 ing, and the dress may be lightened gradually, a white 
 bonnet, shawl, and light purple or lavender dress, being 
 tho dress usually worn last, before the mourning is 
 thrown aside entirely, and colors resumed. It is espe 
 cially to be recommended to buy always the best mate- 
 rials when making up mourning. Crape and woolen 
 goods of the finest quality are very expensive, but a 
 cheaper article will wear miserably ; there is no greater 
 error in economy than purchasing- cheap mourning, for 
 no goods are so inferior, or wear out and grow rusty so 
 
 soon. 
 B 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 TRAVELING. 
 
 THERE is no situation in which a lady is more exposed 
 than when she travels, and there is no position where a 
 dignified, lady-like deportment is more indispensable and 
 more certain to command respect. If you travel under 
 the escort of a gentleman, give him as little trouble as 
 possible ; at the same time, do not interfere with the ar- 
 rangements he may make for your comfort. It is best, 
 when starting upon your journey, to hand your escort a 
 sufficient sum of money to cover all your expenses, re- 
 taining your pocket book in case you should wish to use 
 it. Have a strong pocket made in your upper petticoat, 
 and in that carry your money, only reserving in your 
 dress pocket a small sum for incidental expenses. In 
 your traveling satchel carry an oil skin bag, containing 
 your sponge, tooth and nail brushes, and some soap; 
 have also a calico bag, with hair brush and comb, some 
 pins, Lair pins, a small mirror, and some towels. In 
 this satchel carry also some crackers, or sandwiches, if 
 you will be long enough upon the road to need a 
 luncheon. 
 
 In your carpet bag, carry a large shawl, and if you 
 34 
 
TRAVELING. 
 
 travel by night, or stop where it will be inconvenient 
 to open your trunks, carry jour night clothes, and what 
 clean linen you may require, in the carpet bag. It is 
 best to have your name and address engraved upon the 
 plate of your carpet bag, and to sew a white card, with 
 your name and the address to which you are traveling, in 
 clear, plain letters upon it. If you carry a novel or any 
 other reading, it is best to carry the book in your satchel, 
 and not open the carpet bag until you are ready for the 
 night. If you are to pass the night in the cars, carry a 
 warm woolen or silk hood, that you may take off your 
 bonnet at night. No one can sleep comfortably in a 
 bonnet. Carry also, in this case, a large shawl to wrap 
 round your feet. 
 
 One rule to be always observed in traveling is punc- 
 tuality. Rise early enough to have ample time for ar- 
 ranging everything needful for the day's journey. If 
 you sleep upon the boat, or at a hotel, always give di- 
 rections to the servant to waken you at an hour suffi- 
 ciently early to allow ample time for preparation. It is 
 better to be all ready twenty minutes too soon, than five 
 minutes late, or even late enough to be annoyed and 
 heated by hurrying at the last moment. 
 
 A lady will always dress plainly when traveling. A 
 gay dress, or finery of any sort, when in a boat, stage, 
 or car, lays a woman open to the most severe miscon- 
 struction. Wear always neutral tints, and have the ma- 
 terial made up plainly and substantially, but avoid care- 
 fully any article of dress that is glaring or conspicuous, 
 Above all, never wear jewelry, (unless it be your watch,) 
 or flowers ; ^hey are both in excessively bad taste. A 
 
36 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 quiet, unpretending dress, and dignified demeanor, will 
 insure for a lady respect, though she travel alone from 
 Maine to Florida. 
 
 If you are obliged to pass the night upon a steamboat-, 
 secure, if possible, a stateroom. You will find the 
 luxury of being alone, able to retire and rise without 
 witnesses, fully compensates for the extra charge. Be- 
 fore you retire, find out the position and number of the 
 stateroom occupied by your escort, in case you wish to 
 find him during the night. In times of terror, from ac- 
 cident or danger, such care will be found invaluable. 
 
 You may not be able to obtain a stateroom upon all 
 occasions when traveling, and must then sleep in the 
 ladies' cabin. It is best, in this case, to take off the 
 dress only, merely loosening the stays and skirts, and, 
 unless you are sick, you may sit up to read until quite a 
 late hour. Never allow your escort to accompany you 
 into the cabin. The saloon is open always to both ladies 
 and gentlemen, and the cabin is for ladies alone. Many 
 ladies are sufficiently ill-bred to ask a husband or brother 
 into the cabin, and keep him there talking for an houi 
 or two, totally overlooking the fact that by so doing she 
 may be keeping others, suffering, perhaps, with sickness, 
 from removing their dresses to lie down. Such conduct 
 is not only excessively ill-bred, but intensely selfish. 
 
 There is scarcely any situation in which a lady can be 
 placed, more admirably adapted to test her good breed- 
 ing, than in the sleeping cabin of a steam-boat. If you 
 are so unfortunate as to suffer from sea-sickness, your 
 chances for usefulness are limited, and patient suffering 
 your only resource. In this case, never leave home 
 
TRAVELING. 37 
 
 without a straw-covered battle of brandy, and another 
 of camphor, in your carpet-bag. If you are not sick, 
 be very careful not to keep the chambermaid from those 
 who are suffering ; should you require her services, dis- 
 miss her as soon as possible. As acquaintances, formed 
 during a journey, are not recognized afterwards, unless 
 mutually agreeable, do not refuse either a pleasant word 
 or any little offer of service from your companions; and, 
 on the other hand, be Teady to aid them, if in your 
 power. In every case,* selfishness is the root of .all ill- 
 breeding, and it is never more conspicuously displayed 
 than in traveling. A courteous manner, and graceful 
 offer of service are valued highly when offered, and the 
 giver loses nothing by her civility. 
 
 When in the car if you find the exertion of talking 
 painful, say so frankly ; }^our escort cannot be offended. 
 Do not continually pester either your companion or the 
 conductor with questions, such as u Where are we now?" 
 "When shall we arrive?" If you are wearied, this im 
 patience will only make the journey still more tedious. 
 Try to occupy yourself with looking at the country 
 through which you are passing, or with a book. 
 
 If you are traveling without any escort, speak to the 
 conductor before you start, reauesting him to attend to 
 you whilst in the car or boat under his control. Sit 
 quietly in the cars when they r^ach the depot until the 
 first bustle is over, and then engage a porter to procure 
 for you a hack, and ef your baggage. If upon a boat, 
 let one of the servants perform this office, being careful 
 to fee him for it. Make an engagement with the hack- 
 man, to take you only in his hack, and enquire his 
 
88 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 chirge before starting. In this way you avoid unpleasant 
 company during your drive, and overcharge at the end 
 of it. 
 
 If you expect a friend to meet you at the end of your 
 journey, sit near the door of the steam-boat saloon, or 
 in the ladies' room at the car depot, that he may find you 
 easily, 
 
 There are many little civilities which a true gentleman 
 will offer to a lady traveling alone, which she may ac- 
 cept, even from an entire stranger, with perfect propriety ; 
 but, while careful to thank him courteously, whether you 
 accept or decline his attentions, avoid any advance to- 
 wards acquaintanceship. If he sits near you and seems 
 disposed to be impertinent, or obtrusive in his attentions 
 or conversation, lower your veil and turn from him, 
 either looking from the window or reading. A dignified, 
 modest reserve is the surest way to repel impertinence. 
 If you find yourself, during your journey, in any awk- 
 ward or embarrassing situation, you may, without impro- 
 priety, request the assistance of a gentleman, even a 
 stranger, and he will, probably, perform the service re- 
 quested, receive your thanks, and then relieve you of his 
 presence. Never,-upon any account, or under any provo- 
 cation, return rudeness "by rudeness. Nothing will rebuke 
 incivility in another so surely as perfect courtesy in your 
 own manner. Many will be shamed into apology, who 
 would annoy you for hours, if you encouraged them by 
 acts of rudeness on your own part. 
 
 In traveling alone, choose, if possible, a seat next to 
 another lady, or near an elderly gentleman. If your 
 neighbor seems disposed to shorten the time by con- 
 
TRAVELING. 39 
 
 versing, do not be too hasty in checking him. Such ac- 
 quaintances end with the journey, and a lady can always 
 so deport herself that she may beguile the time pleasantly, 
 without, in the least, compromising her dignity. 
 
 Any slight attention, or an apology made for crushing 
 or incommoding you, is best acknowledged by a courteous 
 bow, in sileoce. 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 HOW TO BEHAVE AT A HOTEL. 
 
 IN America, where the mania for traveling extends 
 through all classes, from the highest to the lowest, a few 
 hints upon deportment at a hotel will not be amiss, and 
 these hints are especially addressed to ladies traveling 
 alone. 
 
 When you arrive at the hotel, enquire at once for the 
 proprietor. Tell him your name and address, and ask 
 him to conduct you to a good room, naming the length 
 of time you purpose occupying it. You may also re- 
 quest him to wait upon you to the table, and allot you a 
 seat. As the hours for meals, at a large hotel, are very 
 numerous, it is best to mention the time when you wish 
 to breakfast, dine, or sup. If you stay more than one 
 day at the hotel, do not tax the proprietor with the duty 
 of escorting you to the table more than once. Request 
 one of the waiters always to meet you as you enter, and 
 wait upon you to your seat. This saves the embarrass- 
 ment of crossing the room entirely unattended, while it 
 shows others that you are a resident at the house. The 
 waiter will then take your order for the dishes you wish. 
 Give this order in a low tone, and do not harass the man 
 40 
 
HOW TO BEHAVE IN A HOTEL. 41 
 
 by contradicting yourself several times; decide what 
 you want before you ask for it, and then give your order 
 quietly but distinctly. Use, always, the butter-knife, 
 salt-spoon, and sugar-tongs, though you may be entirely 
 alone in the use of them. The attention to the small 
 details of table etiquette is one of the surest marks of 
 good breeding. If any trifling civility is offered by the 
 gentleman beside you, or opposite to you, thank him 
 civilly, if you either accept or decline it. Thank the 
 Waiter for any extra attention he may offer. 
 
 Remember that a lady-like deportment is always 
 modest and quiet. If you meet a friend at table, and 
 converse, let it be in a tone of voice sufficiently loud for 
 him to hear, but not loud enough to reach ears for which 
 the remarks are not intended.' A boisterous, loud voice, 
 loud laughter, and bold deportment, at a hotel, are sure 
 signs of vulgar breeding. 
 
 "When you have finished your meal, cross the room 
 qnietly ; if you go into the parlor, do not attract atten- 
 tion by a hasty entrance, or forward manner, but take 
 the s8at you may select, quietly. 
 
 The acquaintances made in a hotel may be dropped 
 afterwards, if desirable, without rudeness, and a pleasant 
 greeting to other ladies whom you may recognize from 
 meeting them in the entries or at table, is courteous and 
 well-bred ; be careful, however, not to force attentions 
 where you see they are not agreeably received. 
 
 A lady's dress, when alone at a hotel, should be of the 
 most modest kind. At breakfast Jet her wear a close, 
 morning dress, and never, even at supper, appear alone 
 at the table with bare arms or neck. If she comes in 
 
12 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 (ate from the opera or a party, in full dress, she should 
 not come into the supper-room, unless lier escort accom- 
 panies her. A traveling or walking-dress can be worn 
 with perfect propriety, at any meal at a hotel, as it is 
 usually travelers who are the guests at the table. 
 
 After breakfast, pass an hour or two in the parlor, 
 unless you are going out, whilst -the chambermaid puts 
 your room in order. You should, before leaving the 
 room, lock your trunk, and be careful not to leave 
 money or trinkets lying about. When you go out, lock 
 your door, and give the key to the servant to hand to 
 the clerk of the office, who will give it to you when you 
 return. You may do this, even if you leave the room m 
 disorder, as the chambermaids all carry duplicate keys, 
 and .can easily enter your room in your absence to ar- 
 range it. The door should not be left open, as dishonest 
 persons, passing along the entry, could enter without 
 fear of being questioned. 
 
 If you see that another lady, though she may be an 
 entire stranger, is losing her collar, or needs attention 
 called to any disorder in her dress, speak to her in% low 
 tone, and offer to assist her in remedying the difficulty. 
 
 Be careful always in opening a door or raising a win- 
 dow in a public parlor, that you are not incommoding 
 any one else. 
 
 Never sit down to the piano uninvited, unless you are 
 alone in the parlor. Do not take any book you may 
 find in the room away from it. 
 
 It is best always to carry writing materials with you, 
 but if this is not convenient, you can always obtain 
 them at the office. 
 
HOW TO BEHAVE AT A HOTEL. 43 
 
 In a strange city it is best to provide yourself with a 
 Email map and guide book, that you may be able to find 
 your way from the hotel to any given point, without 
 troubling any one for directions. 
 
 If you wish for a carriage, ring, and let the waiter 
 order one for you. 
 
 When leaving a hotel, if you have been there for 
 several days, give the waiter at table, and the chamber- 
 maid, a fee, as your unprotected situation will probably 
 call for many services out of their regular routine of 
 duties. 
 
 On leaving, ring, order your bill, pay it, state the 
 time at which you wish to leave, and the train you will 
 take to leave the city Request a man to be sent, to 
 carry your baggage to the hack ; and if you require your 
 next meal at an unusual hour, to be ready for your 
 journey, order it then, 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 EVENING PARTIES. 
 3TIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS. 
 
 THE most fashionable as well as pleasant way in the 
 present day, to entertain guests, is to invite them to 
 evening par ties, .which vary in size from the " company," 
 "sociable," " soiree," to the party, par excellence, \Uiich 
 is but one step from the ball. 
 
 The entertainment upon such occasions, may vary wiih 
 the taste of the hostess, or the caprice of her guestg. 
 Some prefer dancing, some music, some convocation. 
 Small parties called together for dramatic or poetical 
 readings, are now fashionable, and very delightful. 
 
 In writing an invitation for a small party, it is kin^., 
 as well as polite, to specify the number of guests invited, 
 that your friends may dress to suit the occasion. Q'o be 
 either too much, or too little dressed at such timos ia 
 embarrassing. 
 
 For large parties, the usual formula is : 
 
 Miss S 's compliments to Miss Cr , and re$ \ests 
 
 the pleasure of her company for Wednesday, Marcl <?T^ 
 at 8 o'clock. 
 44 
 
EVENING PARTIES. 45 
 
 Such an invitation, addressed either to an intimate 
 friend or mere acquaintance, will signify full dress. 
 
 If your party is a" musical soiree, or your friends meet 
 for reading or conversation alone, say so in your invita- 
 tion, as 
 
 Miss S requests tlie pleasure of Miss Cr 's com* 
 
 pany, on Thursday evening next, at 8 oclocJc, to meet the 
 
 members of the musical club, to which Miss S belongs; 
 
 or, 
 
 Miss S- expects a few friends, on Monday evening 
 
 next, at 8 o'clock, to take part in some dramatic readings, 
 and would be happy to have Miss Cr join the party. 
 
 Always date your note of invitation, and put your 
 address in one corner. 
 
 Having dispatched these notes, the next step is to 
 prepare to receive your guests. If the number invited is 
 large, and you hire waiters, give them notice several 
 days beforehand, and engage them to come in the 
 morning. Give them full directions for the supper, ap 
 point one to open the door, another to show the guests to 
 the dressing rooms, and a third to wait in the gentle- 
 men's dressing-room, to attend to them, if their services 
 are required. 
 
 If you use your own plate, glass, and china, show the 
 waiters where to find them, as well as the table cloths, nap- 
 kins, and other things they may require. If you hire 
 the service from the confectioner's or restaurateur's where 
 you order your supper, you have only to show your 
 waiters where to spread supper, and tell them the hour. 
 
 You will have to place at least four rooms at the dis 
 
46 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 pos.il of your guests the supper room, and two dressing' 
 rooms, beside the drawing-room. 
 
 In the morning, see that the fires in your rooms aro 
 in good order ; and in the drawing-room, it is best to 
 have it so arranged that the heat can be lessened towards 
 evening, as the crowd, and dancing, will make it exces* 
 eively uncomfortable if the rooms are too warm. See 
 that the lights are in good order, and if you propose to 
 have music instead of dancing, or to use your piano for 
 dancing music, have it put in good tune in the morning. 
 If you intend to dance, and do not wish to take up the 
 carpets, you will find it economical, as well as much 
 pleasanter, to cover them with coarse white muslin or 
 linen ; be sure it is fastened down smoothly, firmly, and 
 drawn tightly over the carpets. 
 
 Do not remove all the chairs from the parlor ; or, if 
 this is necessary, leave some in the hall, for those who 
 wish to rest after dancing. 
 
 In the dining-room, unless it will accommodate all 
 your guests at once, have a silk cord so fastened that, 
 when the room is full, it can be drawn across the door- 
 way ; those following the guests already in the room, 
 will then return to the parlor, and wait their turn. A 
 still better way, is to set the supper table twice, inviting 
 the married and elderly people to go into the first table, 
 and then, after it is ready for the second time, let the 
 young folks go up. 
 
 Two dressing-rooms must be ready ; one for the ladies, 
 and the other for the gentlemen. Have both these 
 rooms comfortably heated, and well lighted. Nothing 
 can be more disagreeable than cold, ill-lighted rooms to 
 
EVENING PARTIES. 47 
 
 dress in, particularly if your guests cone in half-frozen 
 by the cold of a winter's night, or still worse, damp from 
 a stcrmy one. 
 
 JBe sure that there is plenty of water, soap and towels 
 on th 3 washstand, tvso or three brushes and conibs on the 
 bureau, two mirrors, one large and one small, and a pin 
 cushion, well filled with large and small pins. 
 
 In the ladies' room, have one, or if your party is largo, 
 two women to wait upon your guests ; to remove their 
 cloaks, overshoes, and hoods, and assist them in smoothing- 
 their dresses or hair. After each guest removes hex- 
 shawl and hood, let one of the maids roll all the things 
 she lays aside into a bundle, and put it where she can 
 easily find it. It is an admirable plan, and preventf 
 much confusion, to pin to each bundle, a card, or strip oi 
 paper, (previously prepared,) with the name of *he person 
 to whom it belongs written clearly and distinctly upon it. 
 
 Upon the bureau in the ladies' room, have a supply of 
 hair-pins, and a workbox furnished with everything 
 requisite to repair any accident that may happen to the 
 dress of a guest. It is well, also, to have Eau de 
 Cologne, hartshorn, and salts, in case, of sudden faint- 
 ness. 
 
 In the gentlemen's room, place a clothes brush and 
 boot-jack. 
 
 It is best to send out your invitations by your own 
 servant, or one hired for that purpose especially. It 13 
 ill-bred to send invitations either by the dispatch, or 
 through the post-office ; and besides being discourteous, 
 you risk offending your friends, as these modes of delivery 
 are proverbially uncertain. 
 
48 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Be dressed and ready to receive your guests in gocd 
 season, as some, in their desire to be punctual, may come 
 before the time appointed. It is better to be ready too 
 Boon, than too late, as your guests will feel painfully 
 embarrassed if you are not ready to receive them. 
 
 For the early part of the evening, take a position in 
 your parlor, near or opposite to the door, that each guest 
 may find you easily. It is not necessary to remain all 
 the evening nailed to this one spot, but stay near it 
 until your guests have all or nearly all assembled. Late 
 comers will of course expect to find you entertaining 
 your guests. 
 
 As each guest or party enter the room, advance a few 
 steps to meet them, speaking first to the lady, or if there 
 are several ladies, to the eldest, then to the younger 
 ones, and finally to the gentlemen. If the new comers 
 are acquainted with those already in the room, they will 
 leave you, after a few words of greeting, to join their 
 friends ; but if they are strangers to the city, or making 
 their first visit to your house, introduce them to a friend 
 who is well acquainted in your circle, who will entertain 
 them till you can again join them and introduce .them to 
 others. 
 
 Do not leave the room during the evening. To see 
 a hostess fidgeting, constantly going in and out. argues 
 ill for her tact in arranging the nouse for company. 
 With well-trained waiters, you' need give yourself no 
 uneasiness about the arrangements outside of the par- 
 lors. 
 
 The perfection of good breeding in a hostess, is perfect 
 
EVENING PAKTIES. 49 
 
 ease of manner ; for the time she should apf ear to have 
 no thought or care beyond the pleasure of her guests. 
 
 Have a waiter in the hall to open the front door, and 
 another at the head of the first flight of stairs, to point 
 out to the ladies and gentlemen their respective dressing- 
 rooms. 
 
 Never try to outshine your guests in dress. It is vul- 
 gar in the extreme. A hostess should be dressed as 
 simply as is consistent with the occasion, wearing, if she 
 will, the richest fabrics, exquisitely made, but avoiding 
 any display of jewels or gay colors, such as will be, 
 probably, more conspicuous than those worn by her 
 guests. 
 
 Remember, from the moment your first guest enters 
 the parlor, you must forget yourself entirely to make 
 the evening pleasant for others. Your duties will call 
 you from one group to another, and require constant 
 watchfulness that no one guest is slighted. Be careful 
 that none of the company are left to mope alone from 
 oeing unacquainted with other guests. Introduce gen- 
 4emen to ladies, and gentlemen to gentlemen, ladies to 
 adies. 
 
 It requires much skill and tact to make a party for 
 Conversation only, go off pleasantly. You must invite 
 only such guests as will mutually please, and you must 
 be careful about introductions. If you have a literary 
 lion upon your list, it is well to invite other lions to meet 
 him or her, that the attention may not be constantly con- 
 centrated upon one person. Where you see a couple con- 
 versing slowly and wearily, stir them up with a few sprightly 
 words, and introduce a new person, either to make a trio, 
 4 
 
50 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 or, as a substitute in the duet, carrying off the other on<? 
 of the couple to find a more congenial companion else- 
 where. Never interrupt an earnest or apparently inter- 
 esting conversation. Neither party will thank you, even 
 if you propose the most delightful substitute. 
 
 If your party meet for reading, have a table with the 
 bv )ks in the centre of the apartment, that will divido 
 the room, those reading being on one side, the listeners 
 on the other. Be careful here not to endeavor to shine 
 above your guests, leaving to them the most prominent 
 places, and taking, cheerfully, a subordinate place. On 
 the other hand, if you are urged to display any talent 
 you may possess in this way, remember your only desire 
 is to please your guests, and if they are really desirous 
 to listen to you, comply, gracefully and promptly, with 
 their wishes. 
 
 If you have dancing, and have rvot engaged a band, it 
 is best to hire a pianist for the evening to play dancing 
 music. You will find it exceedingly wearisome to play 
 yourself all the evening, and it is ill-bred to ask any 
 guest to play for others to dance. This victimizing of 
 Borne obliging guest is only too common, but no true lady 
 will ever be guilty of such rudeness. If there are 
 several members of the family able and willing to play, 
 let them divide this duty amongst them, or, if you wish 
 to play yourself, do so. If any guest, in this case, offers 
 to relieve you, accept their kindness for one dance only. 
 Young people, who enjoy dancing, but who also play 
 well, will often stay on the piano-stool all the evening, 
 because their own good-nature will not allow them to 
 
EVENING PARTIES. 51 
 
 complain, and their hostess wilfully, or through negli 
 gence, permits the tax. 
 
 See that your guests are well provided with partners, 
 introducing every gentleman and lady who dances, to 
 one who will dance well with them. Be careful that 
 none sit still through your negligence in providing part- 
 ners. 
 
 Do not dance yourself, when, by so doing, you are 
 preventing a guest from enjoying that pleasure. If a 
 lady is wanted to make up a set, then dance, or if, late 
 in the evening, you have but few lady dancers left, but 
 do not interfere with the pleasure in others. If invited, 
 say that you do not wish to take the place of a guest 
 upon the floor, and introduce the gentleman who invites 
 you to some lady friend who dances. 
 
 It is very pleasant in a dancing party to have ices 
 alme, handed round at about ten o'clock, having supper 
 Ret two or three hours later. They are very refreshing, 
 when it would be too early to have the more substantial 
 supper announced. 
 
 It is very customary now, even in large parties, to 
 have no refreshments but ice-cream, lemonade, and cake, 
 or, in summer, fruit, cake, and ices. It is less trouble- 
 some, as well as less expensive, than a hot supper, and 
 the custom will be a good one to adopt permanently. 
 
 One word of warning to all hostesses. You can never 
 know, when you place wine or brandy before y3ur guests, 
 whom you may be tempting to utter ruin. Better, far 
 better, to have a reputation as strict, 6r mer.n, than by 
 your example, or the temptation you offer, to have the 
 Bin upon your soul of having put poison before those 
 
52 LADIES 5 BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 partook of jour hospitality. It is not necessary ; 
 hospitality and generosity do not require it, and you 
 frill have the approval -of all who truly love you for 
 your good qualities, if you resolutely refuse to have 
 either wine or any other intoxicating liquor upon your 
 supper-table. 
 
 If the evening of your party is stormy, let a waiter 
 stand in the vestibule with a large umbrella, to meet the 
 ladies at the carriage door, *and protect them whilst 
 crossing the pavement and steps. 
 
 When your guests take leave of you, it will be in the 
 drawing-room, and let that farewell be final. Do not ac- 
 company them to the dressing-room, and never stop them. 
 in the hall for a last word. Many ladies do not like to 
 display their "sortie du soireV' before a crowded room, 
 and you will be keeping their escort waiting. Say fare- 
 well in the parlor, and do not repeat it, 
 
 If your party is mixed, that is, conversation, dancing, 
 and music are all mingled, remember it is your place to 
 invite a guest to sing or play, and be careful not to of- 
 fend any amateur performers by forgetting to invite them 
 to favor the company. If they decline, never urge the 
 matter. If the refusal proceeds from unwillingness or 
 inability on that occasion, it is rude to insist; and if tLey 
 refuse for the sake of being urged, they will be justly 
 punished by a disappointment. If you have guests who, 
 performing badly, .will expect an invitation to play, sacri- 
 fice their desire to the good of the others, pass them by. 
 It is torture to listen to bad music. 
 
 Do not ask a guest to sing or play more than once, 
 
EVENING PARTIES. 53 
 
 This is her fair share, and you have no right to tax her 
 too severely to entertain your other guests. If, however, 
 the performancee is so pleasing that others ask for a 
 repetition, then you too may request it, thanking the per- 
 former for the pleasure given. 
 
CHAPTER VI. 
 
 EVENING PARTIES. 
 ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST. 
 
 receiving an invitation for an evening party, 
 answer it immediately, that your hostess may know for 
 how many guests she must provide. If, after accepting 
 an invitation, any unforeseen event prevents your keeping 
 the engagement, write a second note, containing your 
 regrets. The usual form is : 
 
 Miss 6r accepts witli pleasure Miss S 's polite 
 
 invitation for Monday next ; 
 
 or, 
 
 Miss G- regrets that a prior engagement will pre- 
 vent her accepting Miss S 's kind invitation for Mon- 
 day evening. 
 
 Punctuality is a mark of politeness, if your invitation 
 
 Btates the hour at which your hostess will be ready to 
 
 welcome you. Do not be more than half an hour later 
 
 than the time named, but if unavoidably detained, make 
 
 54 
 
EVENING PARTIES. 55 
 
 no apology when you meet your hostess ; it will he in 
 bad taste to speak of your want of punctuality. 
 
 When you arrive at your friend's house, do not stop 
 to speak to any one in the hall, or upon the stairs, but 
 go immediately to the dressing room. The gentleman 
 who accompanies you will go to the door of the lady's 
 room, leave you, to remove his own hat and over-coat, 
 and then return to the door to wait for you. 
 
 In the dressing-room, do not push forward to the 
 mirror if you see that others are before you there. 
 Wait for your turn, then perform the needful arrange- 
 ments of your toilette quickly, and re-join your escort 
 as soon as possible. If you meet friends in the lady's- 
 room, do not stop there to chat ; you keep your escort 
 waiting, and your friends will join you in the parlor a 
 few moments later. 
 
 Avoid all confidential communications or private re- 
 marks in the dressing-room. You may be overheard, 
 and give pain or cause annoyance by your untimely con- 
 versation. 
 
 When you enter the parlor, go immediately to your 
 hostess, and speak to her ; if the gentleman attending 
 you is a stranger to the lady of the house, introduce him, 
 and then join the other guests, as by delaying, to con- 
 verse too long with your hostess, you may prevent her 
 speaking to others who have arrived later than yourself. 
 
 If you have no escort, you may with perfect propriety 
 send for the master of the house, to wait upon you from 
 the dressing-room to the parlor, and as soon as you have 
 spoken to the hostess, thank your host and release him, 
 as the same attention may be required by others. 
 
56 . LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Again, when alone, if you meet a friend in the dressing- 
 room, you may ask the privilege of entering the parlor 
 with her and her escort ; or, if she also is alone, there is 
 no impropriety in two ladies going into the room unat- 
 tended by a gentleman. 
 
 While you maintain a cheerful deportment, avoid loud 
 talking and laughing, and still more carefully avoid any 
 action or gesture that may attract attention and make 
 you conspicuous. 
 
 When dressing for a party,- while you show that you 
 honor the occasion by a tasteful dress, avoid glaring 
 colors, or any conspicuous ornament or style of cos- 
 tume. 
 
 Avoid long tete-a-tte conversations ; they are in bad 
 taste, and to hold confidential communication, especially 
 with gentlemen, is still worse. 
 
 Do not make any display of affection for even your 
 dearest friend ; kissing in public, or embracing, are in 
 bad taste. Walking with arms encircling waists, or 
 such demonstrative tokens of love, are marks of low 
 breeding. 
 
 Avoid crossing the room alone, and never run, even 
 if you feel embarrassed, and wish to cross quickly. 
 
 If you are a musician, and certain that you will confer 
 pleasure by a display of your talents, do not make a 
 show of reluctance when invited to play or sing. Comply 
 gracefully, and after one piece, leave the instrument. 
 Be careful to avoid the appearance of wishing to be in- 
 vited, and, above all, never hint that this would be 
 agreeable. If your hostess has requested you to bring 
 vour notes, and you are dependent upon them, bring 
 
EVENING PARTIES. 57 
 
 tfhem, and quietly place them on the music stau ,. or ; 
 etill better, send them in the afternoon. It is a hotter 
 plan, if you are called upon frequently to contribute 
 in this way to the evening's amusement, to learn a 
 few pieces so as to play them perfectly well without 
 notes. 
 
 Never attempt any piece before company, unless you 
 are certain that you can pUj it without mistake or hesi- 
 tation. When you have finished your song or piece, 
 rise instantly from the piano stool, as your hostess 
 may wish to invite another guest to take the place. 
 If you have a reason for declining to play, do so 
 decidedly when first invited, and do not change your 
 decision. 
 
 If your hostess or any of the family play fr the 
 guests to dance, it is both polite and kind to offer to re- 
 lieve them ; and if truly polite themselves, they will not 
 take advantage of the offer, to over tax your good 
 nature. 
 
 When others are playing or singing, listen quietly and 
 attentively ; to laugh or talk loudly when there is music 
 in the room, is, rude, both toward the performer and your 
 hostess. If you are conversing at the time the music 
 begins, and you find that your companion is not disposed 
 to listen to the performer at the harp or piano, converse 
 i a low tone, and take a position at some distance from 
 the instrument. 
 
 If the rooms are not large enough for all the guests 
 to dance at one time, do not dance every set, even if in- 
 vited. It is ill-bred and selfish. 
 
58 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 When you go up to supper, do not accept anything 
 from any gentleman but the one who has escorted you 
 from the parlor. If others offer you, as they probably 
 
 will, any refreshment, say that Mr. (naming your 
 
 escort) has gone to get you what you desire. He has a 
 right to be offended, if, after telling him what you wish 
 for, he returns to find you already supplied. It is quite as 
 rude to offer what he brings to another lady. Her es- 
 cort is probably on the same errand from which yours 
 has just returned. It may seem trivial and childish to 
 warn a lady against putting cakes or bon-bons in her 
 pocket at supper, yet it is often done by those who would 
 deeply resent the accusation of rudeness or meanness. 
 It is not only ill-bred, but it gives rise, if seen, to suspi- 
 cions that you are so little accustomed to society, or so 
 starved at home, that you are ignorant of the forms 
 of etiquette, or are forced to the theft by positive 
 hunger. 
 
 If you are obliged to leave the company at an earlier 
 hour than the other guests, say so to your hostess in a 
 low tone, when you have an opportunity, and then stay 
 a short time in the room, and slip out unperceived. 
 By a formal leave-taking, you may lead others to 
 suppose the hour later than it is in reality, and thus de- 
 prive your hostess of other guests, who, but for your 
 example, would have remained longer. French leave 
 is preferable to a formal leave-taking upon such oc- 
 casions. 
 
 If you remain until the usual hour for breaking 
 up, go to your hostess before you leave the room, ex 
 
EVENING PARTIES. 59 
 
 press the pleasure you Lave enjoyed, and bid her 
 farewell. 
 
 Within the next week, you should call upon your 
 hostess, if it is the first party you have attended at her 
 house. If she is an intimate friend, the eall should be 
 made within a fcrtnight. 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 VISITING. 
 ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS. 
 
 WHEN you -write to invite a friend to visit you, name 
 a time when it will be convenient and agreeable for you 
 to receive her, and if she accepts your invitation, so ar- 
 range your duties and engagements that they will not 
 interfere with your devoting the principal part of your 
 time to the entertainment of your guest. If you have 
 certaiQ duties which must be performed daily, say so 
 frankly when she first arrives, and see that during the 
 time you are so occupied she has work, reading, music, 
 or some other employment, to pass the time away 
 pleasantly. 
 
 Have a room prepared especially for her use, and let 
 her occupy it alone. Many persons have a dislike to 
 any one sleeping with them, and will be kept awake by 
 a companion in the room or bed. Above all, do not put 
 a child to sleep in the chamber with your guest. 
 
 The day before your friend arrives, have her room 
 Bwept, dusted, and aired ; put clean, fresh linen upon the 
 
 bed, see that the curtains are in good order, the locks in 
 60 
 
VISITING. 61 
 
 perfect repair, and the closet or wardrobe and bureau 
 empty for her clothes. Have upon the bureau a pin 
 cushion well filled, hair pins, brush and comb, and two 
 mirrors, one large, and one small for the hand, as she 
 may wish to smooth her hair, without unpacking her own 
 toilet articles. Upon the washstand, have two pitchers 
 full of water, a cup, tumbler, soap-dish and soap, basin, 
 brush-dish, and a sponge, wash rag, and plenty of clean 
 towels. 
 
 Have both a feather bed and a mattress upon the bed- 
 stead, that she may place whichever she prefers upper- 
 most. Two sheets, a blanket, quilt, and counterpane, 
 should be on the bed, and there should be two extra 
 blankets in the room, should she require more covering 
 in the night. 
 
 On the mantel piece, place a few books that she may 
 read, if she wishes, before sleeping. Have upon the 
 mantel piece a box of matches, and if the room is not 
 lighted by gas, have also a supply of candles in a box, 
 and a candlestick. 
 
 If the room is not heated by a furnace, be careful that 
 the fire is made every morning before she rises, and keep 
 a good supply of fuel in the room. 
 
 Besides the larger chairs, have a low one, to use while 
 changing the shoes or washing the feet. 
 
 Upon the table, place a full supply of writing mate- 
 rials, as your guest may wish to send word of her safe 
 arrival before unpacking her own writing-desk. Put 
 two or three postage stamps upon this table. 
 
 Be sure that bells, leeks, hinges, and windows, are all 
 in perfect order. 
 
62 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Before your guest arrives, go to her room. If it is in 
 winter, have a good fire, hot water on the washstand, 
 and sec that the windows are tightly closed, and tho 
 room cheerful with sunshine, or plenty of candle or gas 
 light. If in summer, draw the curtains, bow the shutters, 
 open the windows, and have a fan upon the table. It is 
 well to have a bath ready, should your guest desire that 
 refreshment after the dust and heat of traveling. 
 
 When the time arrives at which you may expect youi 
 guest, send a carriage to the station to meet her, and, if 
 possible, go yourself, or send some member of the family 
 to welcome her there. After her baggage is on the car- 
 riage, drive immediately to the house, and be certain all 
 is ready there for her comfort. 
 
 As soon as she is at your house, have her trunks car- 
 ried immediately to her own room, and lead her there 
 yourself. Then, after warmly assuring her how welcome 
 she is, leave her alone to change her dress, bathe, or lie 
 down if she wishes. If her journey has been a long 
 one, and it is not the usual hour for your next meal, 
 have a substantial repast ready for her about half an 
 Lour after her arrival, with tea or coffee. 
 
 If she arrives late at night, after she has removed her 
 bonnet and bathed her face, invite her to partake of a 
 substantial supper, and then pity her weariness and lead 
 the way to her room. She may politely assert that she 
 can still sit up and talk, but be careful you do not keep 
 her up too long ; and do not waken her in the morning. 
 After the first day, she will, of course, desire to break- 
 fast at your usual hour, but if she has had a long, fa- 
 tiguing journey, she will be glad to sleep late the first 
 
VISITIXQ, 63 
 
 day. Be careful that she has a hot breakfast ready 
 when she does rise, and take a seat at the table to wait 
 upon her. 
 
 After the chambermaid has arranged the guest-cham- 
 ber in the morning, go in yourself and see that all is in 
 order, and comfortable, and that there is plenty of fresh 
 water and towels, the bed properly made, and the room 
 dusted. Then dc not go in again through the day, un- 
 less invited. If you are constantly running in, to put a 
 chair back, open or shut the windows, or arrange the 
 furniture, you will entirely destroy the pleasantest part 
 of your guest's visit, by reminding her that she is not 
 at home, and must not take liberties, even in her own 
 room. It looks, too, as if you were afraid to trust her, 
 and thought she would injure the furniture. 
 
 If you have children, forbid them to enter the room 
 your friend occupies, unless she invites them to do so, or 
 they are sent there with a message. 
 
 If your household duties will occupy your time for 
 gome hours in the morning, introduce your guest to the 
 piano, book-case, or picture-folio, and place all at her 
 service. When your duties are finished, either join her 
 in her own room, or invite her to sit with you, and workj 
 chatting, meanwhile, together. If you keep your own 
 carriage, place it at her disposal as soon as she arrives. 
 
 If she is a stranger in the city, accompany her to the 
 points of interest she may wish to visit, and also offer to 
 show her where to find the best goods, should she wish 
 to do any shopping. 
 
 Enquira of your visitor if there is any particular habit 
 she may wish to indulge in, such as rising late, retiring 
 
64 
 
 early, lying down in the daytime, or any other habit that 
 your family do not usually follow. If there is, arrange 
 it so that she may enjoy her peculiarity in comfort. If 
 there is any dish which is distasteful to her, avoid placing 
 it upon the table. during her visit, and if she mentions, 
 in conversation, any favorite dish, have it frequently 
 placed before her. 
 
 if she is accustomed to eat just before retiring, and 
 your family do not take supper, see that something is 
 sent to her room every night. 
 
 If your friend has intimate friends in the same city, 
 beside yourself, it is an act of kindly courtesy to invite 
 them to dinner, tea, or to pass a day, and when calls are 
 made, and you see that it would be pleasant, invite the 
 caller to remain to dinner or tea. 
 
 Never accept any invitation, either to a party, ball, or 
 public entertainment, that does not include your guest. 
 In answering the invitation give that as your reason for 
 declining, when another note will be sent enclosing an 
 invitation for her. If the invitation is from an intimate 
 friend, say, in answering it, that your guest is with you, 
 and that she will accompany you. 
 
 It is a mistaken idea to suppose that hospitality and 
 eourtesv require constant attention to a guest. "Tliero 
 are times when she may prefer to be alone, either to 
 write letters, to read, or practice. Some ladies follow 
 a guest from one room to another, never leaving them 
 alone for a single instant, when they would enjoy an hour 
 or two in the library or at the piano, but do not like tc 
 Bay so. 
 
VISITING. 
 
 65 
 
 The best rule is to make your guest feel that/ she is 
 heartily welcome, and perfectly at home. 
 
 When ishe is ready to leave you, see that her trunks 
 are strapped in time by the servants, have a Carriage 
 ready to take her to the station, have the breakfast cr 
 dinner at an hour that will suit her, prepare a luncheon 
 for her to carry, and let some gentleman in the family 
 escort her to the wharf, check her trunks, and procure 
 her tickets. 
 
 If your guest is in mourning, decline any invitations 
 to parties or places of amusement whilst she is with you 
 Show her by such little attentions that you sympathize 
 in her recent affliction, and that the pleasure of her so- 
 ciety, and the love you bear her, make such sacrifices of 
 gayety trifling, compared with the sweet duty of comfort- 
 ing her. 
 6 
 
CHAPTE-K VIII. 
 
 VISITING. 
 ^ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST. 
 
 As a first rule with regard to paying a visit, the best one 
 is, never to accept a general invitation. Instances are very 
 common where women (I cannot say ladies) have, upon a 
 
 slight acquaintance, and a " When you are in C I 
 
 should be very happy to have you visit me," actually gone 
 
 to C from their own home, and, with bag and baggage, 
 
 quartered themselves upon the hospitality of their newly 
 made friend, for weeks at a time. 
 
 Even where there is a long standing friendship it is not 
 well to visit uninvited. It is impossible for you, in another 
 city, to know exactly when it will be convenient for your 
 friend to have you visit her, unless she tells you, and that 
 will, of course, be a special invitation. 
 
 If your friends are really desirous to have you pay them 
 a visit, they will name a time when it will be convenient 
 and agreeable to have you come, and you may accept the 
 invitation with the certainty that you will not incommode 
 them. 
 
 66 
 
VISITING. 67 
 
 Self-proposed visits are still worse. You, in a man- 
 ner, force an invitation from your friend when you tell 
 her that you can come at a certain time, unless you have 
 previously arranged to let her know when you can be her 
 guest. In that case, your own time is understood to be 
 the most agreeable for her. 
 
 If, whilst traveling, you pass through a town where 
 you have friends whom you wish to visit, and who would 
 be hurt if you omitted to do so, go first to a hotel, and 
 either call or send word that you are there. Then, it is 
 optional with them to extend their hospitality or not. 
 Do not be offended if it is not done. The love for you 
 may be undiminished, and the desire to entertain you 
 very great, yet family reasons may render such an invi- 
 tation as you expect, impossible. Your friend may have 
 engagements or duties at the time, that would prevent 
 her making the visit pleasant for you, and wish to post- 
 pone the invitation until she can entertain you as she 
 wishes. 
 
 To drive, trunks and all, in such a case, to your 
 friend's house, without a word of warning, is unkind, as 
 well as ill-bred. You force her to invite you to stay, 
 when it may be inconvenient, and, even if she is really 
 glad to see you, and wishes you to make a prolonged 
 visit, you may feel certain she would have preferred to 
 know you were coming. If she really loves you, her 
 natural desire would be to have everything ready to give 
 you a comfortable reception, and not have to leave you, 
 perhaps with your traveling costume on, for an hour or 
 two, while she prepares a room for you. It is not enough 
 to say, at such a time, " Don't mind me," or, " Treat me 
 
68 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 as one of the family." However much, her politeness 
 or love may conceal annoyance, be sure, in her secret 
 heart she does mind you, and remember you are not ono 
 of her private family. 
 
 To take the liberty of going to the house of a mere 
 acquaintance, for a night or two, while traveling, without 
 invitation, is making a convenience of them, and wears 
 the appearance of wishing to save the customary hotel- 
 bill, so, while it is extremely ill-bred and impertinent, it 
 is also excessively mean. 
 
 In case of relationship, or long intimate friendship, an 
 unexpected visit may be pardoned and give pleasure, but 
 it is better to avoid it, as the pleasure will surely be in- 
 creased if your relative or friend has time to prepare for 
 your reception as her love will prompt, and arrange her 
 duties and engagements to really enjoy your company. 
 
 When you receive an invitation by letter to visit a 
 friend, answer it immediately, thanking her for her 
 proffered hospitality, and say decidedly then whether 
 you can accept or decline. 
 
 If you accept the invitation, state in your letter by 
 what train, and at what hour you will arrive, that she 
 may meet you, and let nothing but positive necessity 
 keep you from being punctually at the time and place 
 appointed. To linger by the way, for mere pleasure, and 
 make her come several times to meet you, is unkind, as 
 well as ill-bred. If you are unavoidably detained, write 
 to her, state the reason that will prevent your keeping 
 the appointment, and name another time when you can 
 come. 
 
 It, is well in answering a letter of invitation, to state 
 
VISITING. 69 
 
 the limits of your visit, and then to keep them. If she 
 is unwilling to let you go, and you are tempted to stay; 
 that very fact promises well for the pleasure of a second 
 visit. It is better to leave while all will regret you, 
 than to linger on until you have worn out your welcome. 
 
 Inquire, as soon as possible after your arrival, what 
 are the regular habits of the family ; the hours for rising, 
 for meals, and for retiring, and then be punctual in your 
 attendance. Many ladies are very ceremonious about 
 waiting for a guest, and by delay in your room, or inat- 
 tention to the time, when you are out, you will keep the 
 whole family waiting. 
 
 If you do not wake early enough for the usual break- 
 fast hour, request the chambermaid to knock at your 
 door in time for you to be ready to go down with the 
 family. Before you leave your room in the morning, 
 take the clothes off your bed, throw the upper bed over 
 the foot-board, and then open all the windows (unless it 
 storms), that room and bed may be thoroughly aired be- 
 fore you sit there again. 
 
 After breakfast, ask your hostess if you can be of any 
 assistance to her in the household duties. If she declines 
 your services, do not follow her from room to room 
 whilst she is thus engaged, but take your work, books, 
 or music to the sitting room or parlor, until your own 
 room is ready for you. By thus proving that you can 
 occupy yourself pleasantly, while she is away, you make 
 it less annoying to her to feel the obligation to leave 
 you. 
 
 As soon as you see that she is ready to sew and chat, 
 leave your book, or, if in your own. room, ccme to the 
 
TO LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 sitting room, where she is, and work with her. It ia 
 polite and kind, if you see that she has a large supply 
 of family sewing, to offer to assist her, but if she posi- 
 tively declines your aid, then have some work of your 
 own on hand, that you may sew with her. Many pleasant 
 mornings may be spent while visiting, by one lady read- 
 ing aloud whilst the other sews, alternating the work. 
 
 It is a pretty compliment to repay the hospitality of 
 your hostess, by working whilst with her upon some 
 piece of fancy work, a chair cover, sofa cushion, or pair 
 of ottomans, presenting them to her when finished, as a 
 keepsake. They will be duly appreciated, and remind 
 her constantly of the pleasures of your visit. 
 
 If you pass the morning out of the house, remember 
 your time is hers, and have no engagement to interfere 
 with the plans she has laid for entertaining you. Observe 
 this rule during your whole visit, and do not act inde- 
 pendent of her plans. By constantly forming engage- 
 ments without her knowledge, going out without her, "or 
 staying in when she has made some excursion or party 
 for your pleasure, you insult her, by intimating that her 
 house is no more to you than a hotel, to sleep and eat in, 
 while your pleasures lie elsewhere. 
 
 After dinner, retire for an hour to your own room, 
 that your hostess may lie down if she is accustomed to 
 do so. If the hours kept are later than you have been 
 accustomed to, or if the gayety of the family keeps -you 
 out at party or Ofpra, it is best to sleep after dinner, 
 even if you do not always do it. To give signs of weari 
 ness in the evening will be excessively rude, implying 
 
VISITING. Tl 
 
 Want of enjoyment, and making your hostess fee! uurt 
 and annoyed. 
 
 If you have shopping to do, find out where the best 
 stores are, and then go to them alone, unless your hostess 
 will accompany you upon similar business of her own. 
 Do not tax her good nature to go, merely for the sake 
 of aiding you as guide. If one of the children in the 
 family is familiar with the stores and streets, ask her to 
 accompany you, and be careful to acknowledge the kind- 
 ness by buying something especially for the child whilst 
 she is out with you, if it is only some cakes or bonbons. 
 Choose an hour when you are certain your hostess has 
 made no other engagement for you, or while she is busy 
 in her domestic duties, for these shopping excursions. 
 Offer, when you are going, to attend to any shopping she 
 may want, and ask if there is any commission you can 
 execute for her while you are out. 
 
 While on a visit to one friend, do not accept too many 
 invitations from others, and avoid spending too much 
 time in paying calls where your hostess is not acquainted. 
 You owe the greater portion of your time and society to 
 the lady whose hospitality you are accepting, and it is 
 best to decline invitations from other houses, unless they 
 inclose one for your hostess also. 
 
 Avoid paying any visits in a family not upon good 
 terms with your hostess. If such a family are very dear 
 friends of your own, or you can claim an acquaintance, 
 pleasant upon both sides, with them, .write, and state 
 candidly the reason why you cannot visit them, and they 
 will appreciate your delicacy. 
 
 If, while on a visit to one friend, you receive an invi- 
 
72 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 tation to spend sometime with another friend in the same 
 place, accept it for the period which you have named as 
 the termination of your first visit. You insult your 
 hostess by shortening your visit to her to accept another 
 invitation, and quite as much of an insult is it, to take 
 the time from the first visit to go to pay another, and 
 then return to your first hostess, unless such an arrange- 
 ment has been made immediately upon your arrival. 
 
 Never invite any friend who may call upon you to 
 stay to dinner or tea ; you will be taking a most un- 
 warrantable liberty in so doing. This is the right of 
 your hostess, and if, by her silence, she tacitly declines 
 extending this courtesy, you will be guilty of imperhiience 
 in usurping her privilege. 
 
 Never take any one who calls upon you into any room 
 but the parlor, unless invited to do so by your hostess. 
 You have, of course, the entree of other rooms, but yov 
 have no right to extend this privilege to others. 
 
 If you have many gentlemen visiters, check too fre- 
 quent calls, and make no appointments with them. II 
 they show you any such attention as to offer to drive you 
 to places of interest, or visit with you picture galleries or 
 public places, always consult your hostess before accept- 
 ing such civilities, and decline them if she has made 
 other engagements for you. If you receive an invitation 
 to visit any place of public amusement, decline it, unless 
 one of the family with whom you are staying is also in- 
 vited. In that case you may accept. If the gentleman 
 who invites you is a stranger to the family, introduce 
 him to your hostess, or mention her name in conversa- 
 
VISITING. 73 
 
 tion. lie will then, if he really desires you to accept 
 his proffered attention, include her in the invitation. 
 
 When visiting in a family where the members are in 
 mourning, decline all invitations to parties or places of 
 public amusement. It is an insult to them to leave them 
 to join in pleasure from which their recent affliction ex- 
 cludes them. Your visit at such a time will be prompted 
 by sympathy in their trouble, and for the time it is 
 thoughtful and delicate" to make their sorrows yours. 
 
 If. sudden sickness or family trouble come to youi 
 friend whilst you are with her, unless you can really be 
 useful, shorten your visit. In time of trouble families 
 generally like to be alone, all in all to each other; and a 
 visitor is felt a constant restraint. 
 
 If death comes while you are with your friend, en- 
 deavor to take from her as much of the care as you can , 
 a really sympathizing friend is an inexpressible comfort 
 at such a time, as the trying details which must be taken 
 in charge by some one, will be less trying to her than to 
 a member of the family. Do the necessary shopping for 
 your friend, and relieve her of as much family care as 
 you can. Let her feel that you are really glad that you 
 are near her in her affliction, and repay the hospitality 
 she offered in her season of joy by showing her that her 
 sorrow makes her still more dear, and that, while you 
 can enjoy the gayety of her house, you will not flee from 
 its mourning. When your presence can be of no further 
 service, then leave her. 
 
 Put out your washing and ironing when on a visit. It 
 is annoying and ill-bred to throw your soiled clothes .ntc 
 the family wash. 
 
74 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Take with you, from homo, all the writing and sewing 
 materials you may require while paying your visit. It 
 is annoying to be constantly requested by a visitor to 
 lend her scissors, pins, needles, or paper ; no lady should 
 be without her own portfolio and work-box. 
 
 Be very careful not to injure any article of furniture 
 in your sleeping apartment, and if, unfortunately, any- 
 thing suffers from your carelessness, have the accident 
 repaired, or the article replaced, at your own expense. 
 
 "When your visit is over, give a present to each of the 
 servants, varying its value, according to the length of 
 your visit or the services you may have required. You 
 will add to the pleasure by presenting such gifts yourself, 
 with a few pleasant words. 
 
 Never compare the house you may be visiting with 
 your own, or any other you may visit. Avoid also 
 speaking of any house where you may have been a guest 
 in terms of overpraise, giving glowing pictures of its 
 splendor. Your hostess may imagine you are drawing 
 comparisons unfavorable to your present residence. 
 Also avoid speaking unfavorably of any former visit, as 
 your hostess will naturally conclude that her turn for 
 censure will come as soon as your visit is over. 
 
 If any family secret comes to your knowledge while 
 you are on a visit in that family, remember the hospi- 
 tality extended to you binds you to the most inviolable 
 secrecy. It is mean, contemptible, rude, and ill-bred to 
 make your entertainers regret their hospitality by be- 
 traying any such confidence ; for it is as sacred a confi- 
 dence as if you were bound over to silence in the most 
 solemn manner. 
 
VISITING. 75 
 
 After paying a visit, you should write to your hostess 
 as soon as you reach home again ; thank her in this let- 
 ter for her hospitality, speak warmly of the enjoyment 
 you have had in your recent visit, and mention by name 
 every member of the family, desiring to be remembered 
 to all. 
 
CHAPTER IX. 
 
 MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS. 
 ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS. 
 
 IF your circle of visiting acquaintance is very large, 
 while at -the same time your time is fully occupied, or 
 your home duties make it inconvenient to dress every 
 morning to receive visitors, it is a good plan to set asido 
 one morning in the week for a reception day. 
 
 Upon your own visiting cards, below the name, put 
 the day when it will be proper to return the visit, thus : 
 
 MRS. JAMES HUNTER. 
 
 AT HOME WEDNESDAYS. 
 jVb. 1718 C-* st. 
 
 Your friends will, unless there is some especial reason 
 for a call in the interval, pay their visit upon the day 
 named. 
 
 Let nothing, but the most imperative duty,, call you 
 out upon your reception day. Your callers are, in a 
 measure, invited guests, and it will be an insulting -mark 
 76 
 
MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS. 77 
 
 of rudeness to be out when they call. Neither can you 
 be excused, except in case of sickness. 
 
 Having appointed the day when you will he at home 
 to see your friends, you must, for that day, prepare to 
 give your time wholly to them. The usual hours for 
 morning receptions are from twelve to three, and you 
 should be dressed, and ready for callers, at least half an 
 hour before that time. 
 
 To come in, flushed from a hurried toilette, to meet 
 your first callers, is unbecoming as well as rude. 
 
 Your dress should be handsome, but not showy. A 
 silk or cashmere wrapper, richly trimmed, over an em- 
 broidered skirt, with a pretty cap, or the hair neatly ar- 
 ranged without head-dress, is a becoming and appropri- 
 ate dress. Still better is a rich but plain silk, made high 
 in the neck, with long sleeves. Wear a handsomely 
 embroidered, or lace collar, and sleeves, and a rather 
 dressy cap, or, still better, the hair alone, prettily ar- 
 ranged. 
 
 As Bach visitor arrives, rise, and advance part of the 
 way to meet her. If gentlemen, rise, but do not ad- 
 vance. 
 
 It is not customary now to introduce callers at these 
 morning receptions, though you can do so with perfect 
 propriety where you know such an introduction will be 
 agreeable to both parties. 
 
 In introducing a gentleman to a lady, address her 
 first, as 
 
 "Miss Jones, permit me to introduce Mr. Lee;" and, 
 when introducing a young lady to a matron, you intro- 
 duce the jounger one to the elder, as 
 
78 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 "Mrs. Green, allow me to introduce to you my friend, 
 Miss Brown." 
 
 In introducing strangers in the city it is well to name 
 the place of their residence, as- Mr. James of Ger- 
 many, or, Mr. Brown of New York, or, if they have re- 
 cently returned from abroad, it is well to say so, as, Mr. 
 Lee. lately from India ; this is useful in starting conver- 
 sation. 
 
 Be careful, when introducing your friends, to pro- 
 nounce the name of each one clearly and distinctly, that 
 there may be no mistake or necessity for repetition. 
 
 It is a good plan, if your receptions are usually largely 
 attended, to have books and pictures on the centre table, 
 and scattered about your parlors. You must, of course, 
 converse with each caller, but many will remain in the 
 room for a long time, and these trifles are excellent 
 pastime, and serve as subjects for conversation. 
 
 It requires much tact to know when to introduce 
 friends, when to take refuge under the shield fashion of- 
 fers, and not make them acquainted with each other. 
 It is a positive cruelty to force a talented, witty person, 
 to converse with one who is ignorant and dull, as they 
 will, of course, be obliged to do, if introduced. 
 
 A well-bred lady, who is receiving several visitors at 
 a time, pays equal attention to all, and attempts, as 
 much as possible, to generalize the conversation, turning 
 to all in succession. The last arrival, however, receives 
 a little more attention at first, than the others. 
 
 If it is not agreeable to you to set aside a day for the 
 especial reception of callers, and you have a large circle 
 
MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS. 79 
 
 f acquaintances, be ready to receive them eaqh day 
 that you are at home. 
 
 If you are engaged, let the servant say so when she 
 opens the door, and do not send down that message 
 after your friend has been admitted. If she is told 
 when she arrives that you are engaged, she will un- 
 derstand that you are denied to all callers, but if that 
 message comes after she has sent up her card, she may 
 draw the inference that you will not see her, though you 
 may see other friends. 
 
 Never keep a caller waiting whilst you make an elab- 
 orate toilette. If you are riot ready for visitors, it is 
 best to enter the parlor in your wrapper, apologizing for 
 it, than to keep your friend waiting whilst you change 
 your dress. 
 
 If a stranger calls, bringing a letter of introduction, 
 and sends the letter, you may read it before going down 
 stairs, but if they wait till -you are in the parlor before 
 presenting the letter, merely glance at the signature and 
 at the name of your caller ; do not read the letter 
 through, unless it is very short, or you are requested by 
 the bearer to do so. 
 
 If you have a friend staying with you, invite her to 
 join you in the parlor when you have callers, and intro- 
 duce her to your friends. 
 
 If you wish to invite a caller to stay to luncheon or 
 dinner, give the invitation as soon as you have exchanged 
 greetings, not after she has been seated for some time. 
 In the latter case it appears like an after thought, not, 
 as in the former, as if from a real desire to have the 
 pleasure of her company. 
 
80 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 If you have but one caller at a time, rise when she 
 does, and accompany her to the vestibule ; but, if there 
 are several in the room, rise when each one does, 
 but only accompany them to the parlor door ; there take 
 leave of them, and return to those who still remain 
 seated. 
 
 If, after affliction, your friends call before you are able 
 to see them, do not fear to give offence by declining to 
 receive them. They will respect your sorrow, and the 
 call is made more to show their sympathy than from a 
 desire to converse with you. 
 
 Visits of condolence, paid between the death of one 
 of your family and the day of the funeral, you may 
 always excuse yourself from, with perfect propriety. 
 They are made in kindness, and show interest, but if 
 you decline seeing such callers, there is no offence given. 
 
 In parting from a gentleman caller, rise when he docs, 
 and remain standing until he leaves the room, but do not 
 go towards the door. 
 
 When a gentleman calls in the morning he will not 
 remove his outside coat, and will hold his hat in his 
 hand. Never offer to take the latter, and do not invite 
 him to remove his coat. Take no notice of either one 
 or the other. 
 
 If strangers in the city call upon you, enquire at what 
 hotel they are staying, and how long they will "be there, 
 that you may return their call before they leave town. 
 
CHAPTER X 
 
 MORNINQ RECEPTIONS OR CALLS. 
 ETIQUETTE FOR THE CALL EH. 
 
 THE usual hours for paying morning calls are between 
 eleven and two, or twelve and three, and all calls of cere- 
 mony should be made between these hours. 
 
 Never, in paying a ceremonious call, stay more than 
 twenty minutes, or less than ten. If your hostess has 
 several other visitors at the same time that you are in her 
 parlor, make your visit short, that she may have more 
 attention to bestow upon others. 
 
 After you have received an invitation to a party, call 
 within a week or fortnight after the evening, whether 
 you have accepted or declined the invitation. If you 
 have declined on account of mourning, the excuse ex- 
 tends also to the call. 
 
 When the servant answers your ring, hand in your 
 card. If your friend is out or engaged, leave the card, 
 and if she is in, send it up. Never call without cards. 
 You may offend your friend, as she may never hoar of 
 your call, if she is out at the time, and you trust to the 
 
 memory of the servant 
 
 6 81 
 
82 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 If your friend is at home, after sending jour card up 
 to her by the servant, go into the parlor to wait for her. 
 Sit down quietly, and do not leave your seat until you 
 rise to meet her as she enters the room. To walk about 
 the parlor, examining the ornaments and pictures, is ill- 
 bred. It is still more unlady-like to sit down and turn 
 over to read the cards in her card basket. If she keeps 
 you waiting for a long time, you may take a book from 
 the centre-table to pass away the interval. 
 
 Never, while waiting in a friend's parlor, go to the 
 piano and play till she comes. This is a breach cf good- 
 breeding often committed, and nothing can be more ill- 
 bred. You may be disturbing an invalid unawares, or 
 you may prevent your friend, if she has children, from 
 coming down stairs at all, by waking the taby. 
 
 If you. are a stranger in the city, and bring a letter of 
 introduction to your hostess, send this letter up stairs 
 with your card, that she may read it, and know how to 
 welcome you when she comes down stairs. In this case, 
 write upon the card the name of the hotel at which you 
 are staying, and mention in the course of conversation, 
 how long you will be in the city. 
 
 If you have a visitor, and desire to introduce her to 
 your friends, you may invite her to accompany you when 
 paying calls. 
 
 In making a call for condolence, it is sufficient to leave 
 a card with your enquiries for the health of your friend, 
 and offers of service. The same if calling upon invalids, 
 if they are too ill to see you. 
 
 In visits of congratulation, go in, and be hearty in 
 your expressions of interest and sympathy. Pay visits, 
 
MORMXG RECEPTIONS OR CALLS. 83 
 
 bo tli of condolence and congratulation, within a "week 
 after the event which calls for them occurs. 
 
 It is proper, when you have already made your call of 
 the usual length, and another caller is announced, to rise 
 and leave, not immediately, as if you shunned the new 
 arrival, but after a moment or two. Never out-sit two 
 or three parties of visitors, unless you have private busi- 
 ness with your hostess which cannot be postponed. Many 
 denounce the system of morning calls as silly, frivolous, 
 and a waste of time. They are wrong. It may be 
 carried to an excess, and so admit of these objections, 
 but in moderation the custom is a good and pleasant one. 
 You have then an opportunity of making friends of mere 
 acquaintances, and you can, in a pleasant chat with a 
 friend at home, have more real enjoyment in her society 
 than in a dozen meetings in large companies, with all the 
 formality and restraint of a party thrown ground you. 
 There are many subjects of conversation which are 
 pleasant in a parlor, tete-a-tete with a friend, which you 
 would not care to discuss in a crowded saloon, or in the 
 street. Personal inquiries, private affairs can be cosily 
 chatted over. 
 
 In paying your visits of condolence, show, by your own 
 quiet gravity, that you sympathize in the recent affliction 
 of your friend. Though you may endeavor to comfort 
 anl cheer her, you must avoid a gay or careless air, as it 
 will be an insult at such a time. Avoid any allusion to 
 the past that may be trying for her to hear or answer, 
 yet do not ignore the subject entirely, as that appears 
 like a want of interest in it. Though you may feel 
 happy, avoid parading your own joyousness at such a 
 
84 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 time ; whatever your own feeling may be, respect the 
 sorrow of another. 
 
 Never sit gazing curiously around the room when pay- 
 ing a call, as if taking a mental inventory of the fur- 
 niture. It is excessively rude. It is still worse to 
 appear to notice any disorder or irregularity that may 
 occur. 
 
 If, while paying a call, you perceive that any unfore- 
 seen matter in the family, calls for the attention of the 
 lady of the house, leave instantly, no matter how short 
 your call has been. Your friend may not appear to 
 notice the screams of a child, a noise in the kitchen, or 
 the cry from the nursery that the fire board has caught 
 fire, but you may be sure she does hear it, and though 
 too well-bred to speak of it, will heartily rejoice to say 
 good-bye. 
 
 Do not take a child with you to pay calls, until it is 
 old enough to behave quietly and with propriety. To 
 have a troublesome child constantly touching the parlor 
 ornaments, balancing itself on the back of a chair, lean- 
 ing from a window, or performing any of the thousand 
 tricks in which children excel, is an annoyance, both to 
 yourself and your hostess. 
 
 Make no remark upon the temperature of the room, or 
 its arrangement, when you enter it. Never open or shut 
 a window or door without asking permission, and unless 
 really suffering from excessive heat or cold, refrain from 
 asking leave to take this liberty. 
 
 If you are invited to go up stairs to your friend's pri- 
 vate apartment, you will, of course, accept the invitation, 
 but never go up stairs uninvited. When you reach her 
 
MORNING RECEPTIONS OR CALLS. 85 
 
 door, if the servant has not preceded and announced you, 
 knock, and await her invitation to enter. Then, once 
 iri, take no notice of the room, but go instantly to your 
 friend. If she is sewing, do not speak of the nature of 
 her work, but request her to continue, as if you were not 
 present. 
 
 In cases of long standing friendship, you will not, of 
 course, stand upon the ceremony of waiting for each and 
 every one of your calls to be returned before paying 
 another, but be careful that you are not too lavish of 
 your visits. The most cordial welcome may be worn 
 threadbare, if it is called into use too often. 
 
 If you are visiting an invalid, or one confined by 
 physical infirmity to one apartment, while you are cheer- 
 ful and ready to impart all the news that will interest 
 them, do not, by too glowing descriptions of out-door 
 pleasures, make them feel more keenly their own depri- 
 vations. It is well, when making such calls, to converse 
 upon literature, or such general subjects as will not re- 
 mind them of their misfortune. 
 
 In cases where, from long illness or other infirmity, a 
 gentleman friend is confined entirely to his room, you 
 may, with perfect propriety, call upon him. It is both 
 polite and kind to do so, as otherwise he would be 
 deprived entirely of the society of his lady friends. 
 Many thus unfortunately situated, from study and read- 
 ing while so shut out from the world, become the most 
 delightful companions 
 
 If, when you make a call, you unfortunately intrude 
 upon an early dinner hour, do not go in, but leave your 
 ard, and say that you will call again. 
 
86 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 If you call upon two ladies who are boarding at the 
 same house, do not send up your card to both at the 
 same time. If one is out, send a card to her room, and 
 then send up for the other. If the first one is in, wait 
 till she comes down, and then chat as long as a call 
 usually lasts. "When you rise as if to take leave, ac- 
 company your friend to the parlor door, then tell ner- 
 that you are going to send up for youv other friend. 
 She will bid you good-morning, and go to hey own room ; 
 ring the bell after she leaves you, and send your card by 
 the waiter to your other friend. 
 
 In calling at a hotel, enter by the ladies' door, and 
 send your card to the room of your friend by the waiter. 
 It is well, if you are calling upon an entire stranger, to 
 choose a seat, and tell the waiter to say to the lady 
 exactly where she will find you. She will probably 
 enter with your card in her hand ; then rise, greet her 
 by name, and introduce yourself. If you speak to 
 another stranger upon the same errand as the one you 
 expect, the error will be instantly perceived by the dif- 
 ference in name. -If a stranger, bringing a letter of in- 
 troduction, sends the letter with her card, instead of 
 calling, courtesy requires you to make the first call, im- 
 mediately ; the same day. that you receive the letter, if 
 possible, if not, the day after. 
 
XI. 
 
 
 
 DINNER COMPANY. 
 ETIQUETTE FOR THE HOSTESS. 
 
 IN issuing invitations for a large dinner party, the 
 usual form is 
 
 Mr. and Mrs. Gr request the favor of Mr. and 
 
 Mrs. L 's company to dinner, on Wednesday, March 
 
 8th, at o'clock. 
 
 If your husband is giving a party to gentlemen only, 
 he will have a card printed or written for the occasion, 
 but your duties as hostess, if be wishes you to preside, 
 will still be as arduous as if your own friends were in- 
 cluded in the invitation. 
 
 The directions given in the chapter on " Evening par- 
 ties" for the arrangement of the parlor and the dressing- 
 roDms, will apply here equally well, but the dining-room 
 'in this case the centre of attraction) requires still more 
 careful attention. Any fault here will mar your own 
 comfort and the pleasure of your guests, and must be 
 carefully avoided. 
 
 Send out your invitations by a servant, or man hired 
 
 87 
 
88 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 for the purpose ; do not trust them to despatch or penny 
 post. 
 
 Be careful in selecting the guests for a dinner party. 
 Remember that conversation will be the sole entertain- 
 ment for several hours, and if your guests are not well 
 chosen, your dinner, no matter how perfect or costly the 
 viands, will prove a failure. The most agreeable dinners 
 are those whose numbers will allow all the guests to join 
 in a common conversation, and where the host has spirit 
 and intelligence to take the lead, and start a new subject 
 when the interest in the old one begins to flag. Dinners 
 where the guests depend entirely upon the person next 
 them for conversation, are apt to be stupid, as it requires 
 marvelous tact to pair off all the couples, so that every 
 one will be entertaining in tete-a-tete conversation. 
 
 To give a good dinner, your means, room, and estab 
 lishment must all be taken into consideration when you 
 are preparing for a dinner company. If you invite :t 
 large number, you must increase your establishment for 
 the occasion, as to sit down to a dinner badly served, 
 with a scarcity of waiters, is tiresome, and shows little 
 tact or grace on the part of the hostess. 
 
 One cook cannot prepare dinner properly for more 
 than ten persons, and three waiters will find ample em- 
 ployment in waiting upon the "same number. More than 
 this number will require a table too large for general, 
 easy conversation, and throw your company into couples 
 or trios, for entertainment. 
 
 Have your table spread in a room that will accommo- 
 date all the guests comfortably, at the same time avoid 
 putting a small social party in a large room, where they 
 
DINNER COMPANY. 8 
 
 will appear lost in "the space around them. Let the 
 room be comfortably warmed, and if your dinner is late, 
 have the apartments well lighted. If you sit down by 
 daylight, but will remain in the room until after dark, 
 have the shutters closed and the lights lit, before the 
 dinner is announced, as nothing can be more awkward 
 than to do this in the middle of the meal. 
 
 The shape of a table is a point of more importance 
 than some people think. If you wish your dinner to bo 
 social not a mere collection of tete-a-tetes the table 
 should be of a shape which will make it easy for each 
 guest to address any . one at the table. The long 
 parallelogram, with the host at one end and the hostess 
 at the other, is stiff, too broad, too long, and isolates the 
 givers of the feast from the guests. 
 
 The round table, if large enough to accommodate 
 many guests, has too large a diameter each way for easy 
 conversation. The best table is the oval, and the host 
 and hostess should sit in the middle of each side, facing 
 each other. 
 
 The dining room, even in the heat of summer, should 
 be carpeted, to deaden the noise of the servants' feet, 
 The chairs should be easy, without arms, and with tall, 
 slanting backs. It adds much to the comfort, if each 
 person is provided with a foot-stool. 
 You must have, besides the waiters, one servant to 
 carve, and he must be an adept. No iish should be 
 carved upon the table, and that no guest shall wait too 
 long for his meat, you must engage a rapid and dexterous 
 carver. 
 
 For a party of ten, two waiters, and the carver, ar 
 
90 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 amply sufficient. If you have too many servants, they 
 will only interfere with each other, and stand staring at 
 the guests. Give your orders before dinner, and through 
 the meal never speak to the servants. Your whole at- 
 tention must be given to the guests. Even if you sec 
 that matters are going wrong, do not let your annoyance 
 appear, but gracefully ignore the painful facts. Let 
 each servant have his regular position at the table. One 
 should take the guests at the right of the hostess, and 
 the left of the host ; the other the guests on the other 
 side. They should wear light, noiseless shoes, and 
 white gloves, and each one carry, a folded napkin over 
 his right arm. 
 
 The main point in the arrangement of the table itself, 
 is to secure beauty, without interfering with conversation. 
 The table cover and napkins must be of snowy damask, 
 the glass clear as crystal, and taste must preside over 
 each detail. Let nothing high be placed on the table, 
 that will effectually separate the guests from each other. 
 There should be, first, a handsome centre piece, and this 
 may be of glass, silver, or china, and not too high or 
 large, and must be elegant as a work of art, or it is better 
 omitted altogether. Preserve or fruit stands, tastefully 
 decorated, with the fruit on fresh, green leaves, and 
 flowers mingled with them, form exquisite centre pieces. 
 A pyramid of flowers, or tasty vase or basket, forms, too, 
 a beautiful ornament for the centre of the table. In ad- 
 dition to this, the French scatter vases of flowers all over 
 the table, at the corners and in the, centre. Some place 
 a small, fragrant bouquet before the plate of each guest. 
 Nothing can be more beautiful than this arrangement. 
 
DINNER COMPANY. 91 
 
 Glasses of celery, dishes of clear, transparent jellies or 
 preserves, exquisite little glass plates of pickles should 
 Btand in order on the table. 
 
 Place before each guest, the plate, knife, fork, spoon, 
 four wine-glasses of various sizes, the goblet for water, 
 napkin, small salt cellar, salt spoon, and roll of bread. 
 Place none of the meats or vegetables upon the large 
 table. These should all be served at a side-table, each 
 guest selecting his own, to be handed by the servants. 
 The first course is soup. As this is not meant to destroy 
 the appetite for other viands, it should be light, not too 
 rich or thick. Let the servant hand one ladlefull to each 
 person. If you have more than one kind, he must first 
 inquire which each guest prefers. 
 
 If you have wines, let them be handed round after the 
 soup. 
 
 Next comes the fish. If you have large fish, let a 
 slice, cut smoothly, not made into a hash by awkward 
 carving, be placed upon the plate of the guest, with a 
 slice of egg, and drawn butter. If the fish are small, 
 one should be placed upon each plate. 
 
 Then come the patties of oysters, minced veal, or 
 lobster ; or, instead of these, you may have poultry or 
 game. 
 
 Next the roast. With the meats have vegetables 
 served on a separate plate, that the guest may take as 
 much as he wishes with meat. You will, of course, have 
 a variety of vegetables, but scarcely any guest will choose 
 more than two. 
 
 The pastry and puddings come next in order, and 
 these, too, are better served from a side table. Between 
 
92 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 the pastry and the dessert, have salad and cheese placed 
 before each guest. 
 
 If you eat dessert in the same room that you dine in, 
 it should be placed upon the table (with the exception 
 of the ices) before the guests are seated, and this comes 
 after the pastry has been discussed. It should consist 
 of fruit and ices. 
 
 A pleasanter and more elegant way, is to have the 
 fruit and ices spread in a separate room, and leave the 
 dining room after the pastry has been eaten. The 
 change of position, the absence of the meat flavor in the 
 atmosphere, make the dessert much more delightful than 
 if it is eaten in the same room as the dinner. In summer 
 especially, the change to a cool, fresh room, where the 
 ices and fruits are tastefully spread, and flowers are 
 scattered profusely about the room, delights every 
 sense. 
 
 Coffee follows the dessert, and when this enters, if 
 your gueste are gentlemen only, your duty is at an end* 
 You may then rise, leave the room, and need not re-ap- 
 pear. If you have lady guests, you give the signal for 
 rising after coffee, and lead the way to the parlor, 
 where, in a few moments, the gentlemen will again join 
 you. 
 
 Suppose your guests invited, servants instructed, every 
 arrangement made, and the important day arrived. The 
 next point to consider is the reception of your guests. 
 Be dressed in good season, as many seem to consider an 
 invitation to dinner as one to pass the day, and come 
 early. Take a position in your drawing-room, where 
 each guest will find you easily, and remain near it, 
 
DINNER COMPANY. 93 
 
 every guest Las arrived. As each one enters, advance 
 to meet him, and extend your hand. 
 
 Have plenty of chairs ready in the drawing-room, as 
 an invitation to dinner by no means argues a " stand up" 
 party. As you havfi already arranged every detail, your 
 dirty as hostess consists in receiving your guests grace- 
 fully, conversing and looking as charmingly as possible. 
 Flowers in the drawing-room are as great a proof of 
 taste as in the dining room. 
 
 As the time just before dinner is very apt to be tire- 
 some, you should bring forward all the armor against 
 stupidity that you possess. Display upon tables a,rranged 
 conveniently about the room, curiosities, handsome books, 
 photographs, engravings, stereoscopes, medallions, any 
 works of art you may own, and have the ottomans, sofas, 
 and chairs so placed that your guests can move easily 
 about the room, or rooms. 
 
 The severest test of good breeding in a lady, is in the 
 position of hostess, receiving dinner guests. Your 
 guests may arrive all at once, yet you must make each 
 one feel that he or she is the object of your individual 
 attention, and none must be hurt by neglect. They may 
 arrive very early, yet your duty is to make the time fly 
 until dinner is announced. They may come late, and 
 risk the ruin of your choicest dishes, yet you must net, 
 upon pain of a breach of etiquette, show the least an- 
 noyance. If you know that the whole kitchen is in 
 arras at the delay, you must conceal the anguish, as the 
 Spartan boy did his pangs, to turn a cheerful, smiling 
 face upon the tardy guests. 
 
 When dinner is announced, you will lead the way 
 
94 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 to the dining-room upon the arm of one of join gentle- 
 men guests, having paired off the company in couples. 
 The host comes in last with a lady upon his arm. 
 
 You may indicate to each couple, as they enter the 
 dining-room, the seats they are to occupy, standing until 
 all are seated, or you may allow them to choose their 
 own places. The English fashion of placing a card upon 
 each plate with the name of the person to take that seat 
 upon it, is a good one. It enables the hostess to place 
 those whom she is certain will be mutually entertaining, 
 next each other. Place the gentleman who escorts you 
 from the parlor at your right hand. 
 
 Having once taken your seat at table, you have 
 nothing to do with the dinner but to partake of it. No 
 a word, or even a glance, will a well-bred hostess bestow 
 upon the servants, nor will she speak to the guests of 
 the dishes. Their choice rests between themselves and 
 the waiters, and you must take no notice of what they 
 eat, how much, or how little. Nay, should they partake 
 of one dish only, you must ignore the fact. 
 
 The greatest tact is displayed where the hostess makes 
 each guest feel perfectly at ease. She will aid her hus- 
 band both in leading and supporting the conversatioa- 
 and will see that no guest is left in silence from want of 
 attention. Whilst she ignores every breach of etiquette 
 her guests may commit, she must carefully observe every 
 rule herself, and this she must do in an easy, natural 
 manner, avoiding every appearance of restraint. Her 
 deportment, she may be sure, is secretly watched and 
 criticised by each guest, yet she must appear utterlj 
 
DINNER COMPANY. 95 
 
 nnconscious that she is occupying any conspicuous posi- 
 tion. 
 
 To watch the servants, or appear uneasy, lest some- 
 thing should go wrong, is excessively ill-bred, and if 
 any accident does occur, you only make it worse hy no- 
 ticing it. To reprove or speak sharply to a servant be- 
 fore your guests, manifests a shocking want of good 
 breeding. 
 
 The rules given above are only applicable to large 
 dinner parties, and where the guests are few, and the 
 host himself carves, these rules will not apply, In this 
 case, as you will only require the services of your own 
 household domestics, you must, of course, attend per- 
 sonally to the wants of your guests. 
 
 Dinner not being served from a side table, you must, 
 while pu-tting tasteful ornaments upon it, be careful not 
 to crowd them, and leave room for the substantial dishes. 
 
 You must watch the plate of each guest, to see that 
 it is well provided, and you will invite each one to par- 
 take of the various dishes. 
 
 Have a servant to pass the plates from you to each 
 guest, and from the host to you, after he has put the 
 meat upon them, that you may add gravy and vegetables 
 before they are set before your visitors. 
 
 At these smaller dinner companies, avoid apologizing 
 for anything, either in the viands or the arrangement of 
 them. You have provided the best your purse will al- 
 low, prepared as faultlessly as possible ; you will only 
 gain credit for mock modesty if you apologize for a well- 
 prepared, well-spread dinner, and if there are faults they 
 
96 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 only be made more conspicuous if attention is drawn 
 to them by an apology, 
 
 Ease of manner, quiet dignity, cheerful, intelligent 
 conversation, and gentle, lady-like deportment, never ap- 
 pear more charming than when they adorn a lady at tho 
 head of her own table. 
 
CHAPTER XII. 
 
 DINNER COMPANY. 
 ETIQUETTE FOR THE GUEST. 
 
 you receive an invitation to join a dinner-parly, 
 Inswer it immediately, as, by leaving your hostess in 
 doubt whether you intend to accept or decline her hospi- 
 tality, you make it impossible for her to decide how 
 many she must prepare for. If you accept at first, and 
 any unforeseen event keeps you from fulfilling your en- 
 gagement, write a second note, that your hostess may 
 not wait dinner for you. Such a note, if circumstances 
 render it necessary to write it, may be sent with perfect 
 propriety an hour before the time appointed for dinner, 
 though, if you are aware that you cannot attend, earlier, 
 you must send the information in good season. 
 
 You should enter the house of your hostess from a 
 quarter to half an hour earlier than the time appointed 
 for dining. Proceed at once to the dressing-room, and 
 arrange your dress and hair, and then enter the drawing- 
 room. By going to the house too early, you may hasten 
 or interrupt the toilet arrangements of your hostess; 
 7 97 
 
98 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 while, by being late, you will establish a most disagreea- 
 ble association in the minds of all present, as " the lady 
 who kept dinner waiting at Mrs. L 's." 
 
 Immediately upon entering the parlor find your 
 hostess, and speak to her first. It is very rude to stop 
 to chat with other guests before greeting the lady of the 
 house. You may bow to any one you know, in passing, 
 but do not stop to speak. Having exchanged a few 
 words with your hostess, turn to the other guests, unless 
 you are the first arrival. In that case, converse with 
 your host and hostess until others come in. 
 
 Be careful, if dinner is delayed by the tardiness of 
 the guests, or from any other cause, that you do not 
 show by your manner that you are aware of such delay. 
 To look towards the door often, consult your watch, or 
 give tokens of weariness, are all marks of ill-breeding. 
 Your hostess will probably be sufficiently annoyed by the 
 irregularity itself ; do not add to her discomfort by allow- 
 ing her to suppose that her guests perceive the deficien- 
 cies. Look over the books and pictures with an air of 
 interest, converse cheerfully, and in every way appear 
 as if dinner were a matter of secondary importance, (as, 
 indeed, it should be,) compared with the pleasure of the 
 society around you. 
 
 When the signal for dinner is given, your hostess will 
 probably name your escort to the table. If he is a 
 Btranger, bow in acknowledgement of the introduction, 
 take his arm, and fall into your place in the stream of 
 guests passing from the parlor to the dining-room. 
 
 Take the seat pointed out by your hostess, or the 
 Waiter, as soon as it is offered. Each one will do this 
 
DINNER COMPANY. 99 
 
 upon entering, and it prevents the confusion that will re- 
 sult if those first entering the room, remain standing until 
 all the other guests come in. 
 
 When^you take your seat, be careful that your chair 
 does not stand upon the dress of the lady next you, as 
 she may not rise at the same instant that you do, and so 
 you risk tearing her dress. 
 
 Sit gracefully at the table ; neither so close as to make 
 your movements awkward, nor so far away as to drag 
 your food over your dress before it reaches your mouth. 
 It is well to carry in your pocket a small pincushion, 
 and, having unfolded your napkin, to pin it at the belt. 
 You may do this quietly, without its being perceived, 
 and you will thus really save your dress. If the napkin 
 is merely laid open upon your lap, it will be very apt to 
 slip down, if your dress is of silk or satin, and you risk 
 the chance of appearing again in the drawing-room with 
 the front of your dress soiled or greased. 
 
 If, by the carelessness or awkwardness of your neigh- 
 borg or the servants, you have a plate of soup, glass of 
 wine, or any dish intended for your mouth, deposited 
 upon your dress, do not spring up, or make any exclama- 
 tion. You may wipe off the worst of the spot with your 
 napkin, and then let it pass without further notice. If 
 an apology is made by the unlucky perpetrator of the 
 accident, try to set him at his ease by your own lady- 
 like composure. He will feel sorry and awkward 
 enough, without reproach, sullenness, or cold looks from 
 you. 
 
 Gloves and mittens are no longer worn at table, even 
 at the largest dinner-parties. 
 
100 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 To make remarks upon the guests or the dishes is cx 
 cessively rude. 
 
 If the conversation is general, speak loudly enough to 
 be heard by those around you, but, at the same time, 
 avoid raising your voice too much. If the company is 
 very large, and you converse only with the person imme- 
 diately beside you, speak in a distinct, but low tone, that 
 you may not interrupt other couples, but carefully avoid 
 whispering or a confidential air. Both are in excessively 
 bad taste. To laugh in a suppressed way, has the ap- 
 pearance of laughing at those around you, and a loud, 
 boisterous laugh is always unlady-like. Converse cheer- 
 fully, laugh quietly, but freely, if you will, and while 
 you confine your attention entirely to -your neighbor, 
 still avoid any air of secrecy or mystery. 
 
 Never use an eye-glass, either to look at the persons 
 around you or the articles upon the table. 
 
 Eat your soup quietly. To make any noise in eating 
 it, is simply disgusting. Do not break bread into your 
 soup. Break off small pieces and put into your moaith, 
 if you will, but neither bite it from the roll nor break it 
 up, and eat it from your soup-plate with a spoon. 
 
 In eating bread with meat, never dip it into the gravy 
 on your plate, and then bite the end off. If you wish 
 to eat it with gravy, break off a small piece, put it upon 
 your plate, and then, with a fork, convey it to your 
 mouth. 
 
 When helped to fish, remove, with knife and fork, all 
 the bones, then lay down the knife, and, with a piece of 
 bread in your left hand and a fork in your right, eat tho 
 flakes of fish. 
 
DINNER COMPANY. 101 
 
 Need I say that the knife is to cut your food with, 
 and must never be used while eating ? To put it in your 
 mouth is a distinctive mark of low-breeding. 
 
 If you have selected what you will eat, keep the plate 
 that is placed before you ; never pass it to the persons 
 next you, as they may have an entirely different choice 
 of meat or vegetables. 
 
 Never attempt to touch any dish that is upon the 
 table, but out of your reach, by stretching out your arms, 
 leaning forward, or, still worse, standing up. Ask the 
 waiter to hand it, if you wish for it; or, if the gentleman 
 beside you can easily do so, you may ask him to pass it 
 to you. 
 
 Do not press those near you to take more or other 
 things than are upon their plate. This is the duty 
 of the hostess, or, if the company is large, the servants 
 will attend to it. For you to do so is officious and ill- 
 bred. 
 
 When conversing let your knife and fork rest easily 
 upon your plate, even if still in your hand. Avoid 
 holding them upright. Keep your own knife, fork, and 
 spoon solely for the articles upon your own plate. To 
 use them for helping yourself to butter or salt, is rude 
 in the extreme. 
 
 When you do not use the salt-spoon, sugar tongs, and 
 butter-knife, you may be sure that those around you will 
 conclude that you have never seen the articles, and do 
 not know their use. 
 
 You need not fear to offend by refusing to take wine 
 with a gentleman, even your host. If you decline grace- 
 fully, he will appreciate the delicacy which makes you 
 
102 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 refuse. If, however, you have no conscientious scruples, 
 and are invited to take wine, bow, and merely raise the 
 glass to your lips, then set it down again. You may 
 thus acknowledge the courtesy, and yet avoid actually 
 drinking the wine. 
 
 No lady should drink wine at dinner. Even if her 
 head is strong enough to bear it, she will find her 
 cheeks, soon after the indulgence, flushed, hot, and un- 
 comfortable; and if the room is warm, and the dinner a 
 long one, she will probably pay the penalty of her folly, 
 by having a headache all the evening. 
 
 If offered any dish of which you do not wish to par- 
 take, decline it, but do not assign any reason. To ob- 
 ject to the dish itself is an insult to your entertainers, 
 and if you assert any reason for your own dislike it is 
 ill-bred. 
 
 Do not bend too much forward over your food, and 
 converse easily. To eat fast, or appear to be so much 
 engrossed as to be unable to converse, is ill-bred ; and it 
 makes those around you suspect that you are so little 
 accustomed to dining well, that you fear to stop eating 
 an instant, lest you should not get enough. 
 
 It is equally ill-bred to accept every thing that is 
 offered to you. Never take more than two vegetables ; 
 do not take a second plate of soup, pastry, or pudding. 
 Indeed, it is best to accept but one plate of any article. 
 
 Never use a spoon for anything but liquids, and never 
 touch anything to eat, excepting bread, celery, or fruit, 
 with your fingers. 
 
 In the intervals which must occur between the courses, 
 do not appear to be conscious of the lapse of time. Wear 
 
DINNER COMPANY. 103 
 
 a careless air when waiting, conversing cheerfully and 
 pleasantly, and avoid looking round the room, as if won- 
 dering what the waiters are about. 
 
 Never eat every morsel that is upon your plate ; and 
 surely no lady will ever scrape her plate, or pass the 
 bread round it, as if to save the servants the trouble of 
 washing it. 
 
 Take such small mouthfulls that you can always be 
 ready for conversation, but avoid playing with your food, 
 or partaking of it with an affectation of delicate appetite. 
 Your hostess may suppose you despise her fare, if you 
 appear so very choice, or eat too sparingly. If your 
 state of health deprives you of appetite, it is bad enough 
 for you to decline the invitation to dine out. 
 
 Never examine minutely the food before you. You 
 insult your hostess by such a proceeding, as it looks as 
 if you feared to find something upon the plate that should 
 not be there. 
 
 If you find a worm on opening a nut, or in any of the 
 fruit, hand your plate quietly, and without remark, to 
 the waiter, and request him to bring you a clean one. 
 Do not let others perceive the movement, or the cause of 
 it, if you can avoid so doing. 
 
 Never make a noise in eating. To munch or smack 
 the lips are vulgar faults. 
 
 Sit quietly at table, avoid stiffness, but, at the same 
 time, be careful that you do not annoy others by your 
 restlessness. 
 
 Do not eat so fast as to be done long before others, nor 
 so slowly as to keep them waiting. 
 
 When the finger-glasses are passed round, dip the ends 
 
104 LADIES* BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 of your fingers into them, and wipe them upon your 
 napkin ; then do not fold your napkin, but place it beside 
 your plate upon the table. 
 
 To carry away fruit or bonbons from the table is a 
 sign of low breeding. 
 
 Rise with the other ladies 'when your hostess gives the 
 signal. 
 
 After returning to the parlor, remain in the house at 
 least an hour after dinner is over. If you have another 
 engagement in the evening, you may then take your 
 leave, but not before. You will insult your hostess by 
 leaving sooner, as it appears that you came only for the 
 dinner, and that being over, your interest in the house, 
 for the time, has ceased. It is only beggars who " eat 
 and run!" 
 
CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 TABLE ETIQUETTE. 
 
 IN order to appear perfectly well-bred at table when 
 in company, or in public, as at a hotel, you must pay 
 attention, three times a day, to the points of table 
 etiquette. If you neglect these little details at home 
 and in private, they will be performed awkwardly and 
 with an air of restraint when you are in company. By 
 making them habitual, they will become natural, and ap- 
 pear easily, and sit gracefully upon you. 
 
 Even when eating entirely alone, observe these little 
 details, thus making the most finished and elegant man- 
 ners perfectly familiar, and thus avoiding the stiff, 
 awkward air you will wear if you keep your politeness 
 only for company, when you will be constantly appre- 
 hensive of doing wrong. 
 
 At breakfast or tea, if your seat is at the head of the 
 table, you must, before taking anything upon your own 
 plate, fill a cup for each one of the family, and pass them 
 round, being careful to suit each one in the preparation 
 of the cup, that none may return to you for more tea, 
 water, sugar, or milk. If you have a visitor, pass the 
 
 cup with the tea or coffee alone in it. and hand with the 
 
 105 
 
106 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 cup the sugar bowl and cream pitcher, that these may be 
 added in the quantity preferred. 
 
 After all the cups have been filled and passed round, 
 you may take the bread, butter, and other food upon 
 your own plate. Train your children, so that they will 
 pass these things to you as soon as they see you are 
 ready to receive them. 
 
 If you are yourself at the side of the table, pass the 
 bread, butter, etc., to the lady at the head, when you seo 
 that she has sent the cups from the waiter before her, to 
 those seated at the table. 
 
 If you occupy the place of head of the table, you must 
 watch the cups, offer to fill them when empty, and also 
 see that each one of the family is well helped to the other 
 articles upon the table. 
 
 Avoid making any noise in eating, even if each meal 
 is eaten in solitary state. It is a disgusting habit, and 
 one not easily cured if once contracted, to make any 
 noise with the lips when eating. 
 
 Never put large pieces of food into your mouth. Eat 
 slowly, and cut your food into small pieces before putting 
 it into your mouth. 
 
 Use your fork, or spoon, never your knife, to put your 
 food 'into your mouth. At dinner, hold in your left hand 
 a piece of bread, and raise your meat or vegetables with 
 the fork, holding the bread to prevent the pieces slipping 
 from the plate. 
 
 If you are asked at table what part of the meat you 
 prefer, name your favorite piece, but do not give such 
 information unless asked to do so. To point out any 
 especial part of a dish, and ask for it, is ill-bred. To 
 
TABLE ETIQUETTE. 107 
 
 answer, when asked to select a part, that " it is a matter 
 of indifference," or, " I can eat any part," is annoying 
 to the carver, as he cares less than yourself certainly, 
 and would prefer to give you the piece you really like 
 best. 
 
 Do not pour coffee or tea from your cup into your 
 saucer, and do not blow either these or soup. Wait until 
 they xjool. 
 
 Use the butter-knife, salt-spoon, and sugar-tongs as 
 scrupulously when alone, as if a room full of people were 
 watching you. Otherwise, you may neglect to do so when 
 the omission will mortify you. 
 
 Never put poultry or fish bones, or the stones of fruit, 
 upon the table-cloth, but place them on the edge of 
 your plate. 
 
 Do not begin to eat until others at the table are ready 
 to commence too. 
 
 Sit easily in your chair, neither too near the table, nor 
 too far from it, and avoid such tricks as putting your 
 arms on the table, leaning back lazily in your chair, or 
 playing with your knife, fork, or spoon. 
 
 Never raise your voice, when speaking, any higher 
 than is necessary. The clear articulation and distinct 
 pronunciation of each word, will make a low tone more 
 agreeable and more easily understood, than the loudest 
 tone, if the speech is rapid or indistinct. 
 
 Never pass your plate with the knife or fork upon 
 it, and when you pass your cup, put the spoon in the 
 saucer. 
 
 Never pile up the food on your plate. It looks as if 
 you feared it would all be gone before you could be 
 
108 LADIES' BOOR OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 helped again, and it will certainly make your attempts 
 to cut the food awkward, if your plate is crowded. 
 
 If there is a delicacy upon the table, partake of it 
 sparingly, and never help yourself to it a second time. 
 
 If you wish to cough, or use your handkerchief, rise 
 from the table, and leave the room. If you have not 
 time to do this, cover your mouth, and turn your head 
 aside from the table, and perform the disagreeable 
 necessity as rapidly and quietly as possible. 
 
 Avoid gesticulation at the table. Indeed, a well-bred 
 lady will never gesticulate, but converse quietly, letting 
 the expression and animation of her features give force 
 to her words. 
 
 Never, when at the home table, leave it until the other 
 members of the family are also ready to rise. 
 
CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 CONDUCT IN THE STREET 
 
 A LADY'S conduct is never so entirely at the mercy of 
 critics, because never so public, as when she is in the 
 street. Her dress, carriage, walk, will all be exposed to 
 notice ; every passer-by will look at her, if it is only for 
 one glance ; every unlady-like action will be marked ; 
 and in no position will a dignified, lady-like deportment 
 be more certain to command respect. 
 
 Let me start with you upon your promenade, my 
 friend, and I will soon decide your place upon the list of 
 well-bred ladies. 
 
 First, your dress. Not that scarlet shawl, with a 
 green dress, I beg, and r oh ! spare my nerves ! you are 
 not so insane as to put on a blue bdnnet. That's right. 
 If you wish to wear the green dress, don a black shawl, 
 and that white bonnet will do very well. One rule you 
 must lay down with regard to a walking dress. It must 
 never be conspicuous. Let the material be rich, if you 
 will ; the set of each garment faultless ; have collar and 
 sleeves snowy white, and wear neatly-fitting, whole, clean 
 gloves and boots. Every detail may be scrupulously 
 attended to, but let ihe whole effect be quiet and 
 
 109 
 
110 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 modest. Wear a little of one bright color, if you will, 
 but not more than one. Let each part of the dress 
 harmonize with all the rest ; avoid the extreme of fashion, 
 and let the dress suit you. If you are short and plump, 
 do not wear flounces, because they are fashionable, arid 
 avoid large plaids, even if they are the very latest style. 
 If toll and slight, do not add to the length of your figure 
 by long stripes, a little mantilla, and a caricature of a 
 bonnet, with long, streaming ribbons. A large, round 
 face will never look well, staring from a tiny, delicate 
 bonnet ; nor will a long, thin one stand the test much 
 better. Wear what is becoming t6 yourself, and only 
 bow to fashion enough to avoid eccentricity. To have 
 everything in the extreme of fashion, is a sure mark of 
 vulgarity. 
 
 Wear no jewelry in the street -excepting your watch 
 and brooch. Jewelry is only suited for full evening 
 dress, when all the other details unite to set it off. If 
 it is real, it is too valuable to -risk losing in the street, 
 and if it is not real, no lady should wear it. Mock jew- 
 elry is utterly detestable. 
 
 What are you doing? Sucking the head of your 
 parasol ! Have you not breakfasted ? Take that piece 
 of ivory from your mouth ! To suck it is unlady-like, 
 and let me tell you, excessively unbecoming. Rosy lips 
 and pearly teeth can be put to a better use. 
 
 Why did you not dress before you came out ? It is a 
 mark of ill-breeding to draw your gloves on in the street. 
 Now your bonnet- strings, and now your collar ! Pray 
 arrange your dress before you leave the house ! Nothing 
 looks worse than to see a lady fussing over her dress in 
 
CONDUCT IN THE STREET. Ill 
 
 the street. Take a few moments more in your dressing- 
 room, and so arrange your dress that you will not need 
 to think of it again whilst you are out. 
 
 Do not walk so fast ! you are not chasing anybody ! 
 Walk slowly, gracefully ! Oh, do not drag one foot 
 after the other as if you were fast asleep set down the 
 foot lightly, but at the same time firmly; now, carry 
 your head up, not so ; you hang it down as if you feared 
 to look any one in the face ! Nay, that is the other ex- 
 treme ! Now you look like a drill-major, on parade ! 
 So ! that is the medium. Erect, yet, at the same time, 
 easy and elegant. 
 
 Now, my friend, do not swing your arms. You don't 
 know what to do with them ? Your parasol takes one 
 hand ; hold your dress up a little with the other. Not 
 so ! No lady should raise her dress above the ankle. 
 
 Take care ! don't drag your dress through that mud 
 puddle ! Worse and worse ! If you take hold of your 
 dress on both sides, in that way, and drag it up so high, 
 you will be set down as a raw country girl. So. Raise 
 it just above the boot, all round, easily, letting it fall 
 again in the old folds. Don't shake it down; it will 
 fall back of itself. 
 
 Stop ! don't you see there is a carriage coming? Do 
 you want to be thrown down by the horses ? You can 
 run across? Very lady-like indeed ! Surely nothing 
 can be more ungraceful than to see a lady shuffle and 
 run across a street. Wait until the way is clear and 
 then walk slowly across. 
 
 Do not try to raise your skirts. It is better to soil 
 them. (You were very foolish to wear white skirts thii 
 
112 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 muddy day.) They are easily washed, and you cannot 
 raise all. You will surely be awkward in making the at- 
 tempt, and probably fail, in spite of your efforts. True, 
 they will be badly soiled, and you expose this when you 
 raise the dress, but the state of the streets must be seen 
 by all who see your share of the dirt, and they will 
 apologize for your untidy appearance in a language dis- 
 tinctly understood. 
 
 _ Don't hold your parasol so close to your face, nor so 
 low down. You cannot see your way clear, and you will 
 run against somebody. Always hold an umbrella or 
 parasol so that it will clear your bonnet, and leave the 
 space before your face open, that you may see your way 
 clearly. 
 
 If you are ever caught in a shower, and meet a gentle- 
 man friend who offers an umbrella, accept it, if he will 
 accompany you to your destination ; but do not deprive 
 him of it, if he is not able to join you. Should he in- 
 sist, return it to his house or store the instant you reach 
 home, with a note of thanks. If a stranger offers you 
 the same services, decline it positively, but courteously, 
 at the same time thanking him. 
 
 Never stop to speak to a gentleman in the street. If 
 you have anything important to say to him, allow him to 
 join and walk with you, but do not stop. It is best to 
 follow the same rule with regard to ladies, and either 
 walk with them or invite them to walk with you, instead 
 of stopping to talk. 
 
 A lady who desires to pay strict regard to etiquette, 
 will not stop to gaze in at the shop windows. It looks 
 countrified. If she is alone, it looks as if she were wait- 
 
CONDUCT IN THE STREET. 113 
 
 ing for some one ; and if she is not alone, she is victim 
 izing some one else, to satisfy her curiosity. 
 
 Remember that in meeting your gentlemen friends it is 
 your duty to speak first, therefore do not cut them by 
 waiting to be recognized. Be sure, however, that they 
 see you before you bow, or you place yourself in the 
 awkward position of having your bow pass, unreturned. 
 
 You are not expected to recognize any friend on the 
 opposite side of the street. Even if you see them, do 
 not bow. 
 
 Avoid " cutting" any one. It is a small way of show- 
 ing spite, and lowers you more than your enemy. If 
 you wish to avoid any further intercourse bow, coldly 
 and gravely, but do not look at any one, to whom you 
 are in the habit of bowing, and pass without bowing. If 
 you do this, they may flatter themselves that they were 
 really unrecognized, but a distant, cold bow will show 
 them that you speak from civility only, not from friend- 
 
 In the street a lady takes the arm of a relative, her 
 affianced lover, or husband, but of no other gentleman, 
 unless the streets are slippery, or in the evening. 
 
 "When a lady walks with two gentlemen, she should 
 endeavor to divide her attention and remarks equally be- 
 tween them. 
 
 
 
 If you do stop in the street, draw near the walls, that 
 you may not keep others from passing. 
 
 Loud talking and laughing in the street are excessively 
 vulgar. Not only this, but they expose a lady to the 
 most severe misconstruction. Let your conduct be mod- 
 est and quiet. 
 8 
 
JI4 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 If a gentleman, although a stranger, offers his hand 
 to assist you in leaving a carriage, omnibus, or to aid 
 you in crossing where it is wet or muddy, accept his 
 civility, thank him, bow and pass on. 
 
 If you wish to take an omnibus or car, see that it is 
 not already full. If it is, do not get in. You will an- 
 noy others, and be uncomfortable yourself. 
 
 It is best to carry change to pay car or omnibus fare, 
 as you keep others waiting whilst the driver is making 
 change, and it is apt to fall into the straw when passing 
 from one hand to another. 
 
 If a gentleman gives you his seat, hands your fare, 
 or offers you any such attention, thank Mm. It is not 
 countrified, it is lady -like. If you do not speak, bow. 
 
 Be careful not to be alone in the streets after night 
 fall. It exposes you to insult. If you are obliged to 
 go out, have a servant, or another lady, if you cannot 
 procure the escort of a gentleman, which is, of course, 
 the best. 
 
 Walk slowly, do not turn your head to the right or 
 left, unless you wish to walk that way, and avoid any 
 gesture or word that will attract attention. 
 
 Never look back ! It is excessively ill-bred. 
 
 Make no remarks upon those who pass you, while 
 there is even a possibility that they may hear you. 
 
 Never stare at any one, even if they have peculiarities, 
 which make them objects of remark. 
 
 In taking your place in an omnibus or car, do so 
 quietly, and then sit perfectly still. Do not change your 
 place or move restlessly. Make room for others if you 
 Bee that the opposite side is full. 
 
CONDUCT IN THE STREET 115 
 
 If you walk with a gentleman, when he reaches your 
 door invite him in, but if he declines, do not urge him. 
 If you are returning from a ball or party, and the hour 
 is a very late (or early) one, you are not bound in polite- 
 ness to invite your escort to enter ; the hour will be your 
 apology for omitting the ceremony. 
 
 

 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 
 
 LETTER WRITING. 
 
 THERE is no branch of education called so universally 
 into requisition as the art of letter writing ; no station, 
 high or low, where the necessity for correspondence 13 
 not felt ; no person, young or old, who does not, at some 
 time, write, cause to be written, and receive letters. 
 From the President in his official capacity, with the busy 
 pens of secretaries constantly employed in this branch 
 of service, to the Irish laborer who, unable to guide a 
 pen, writes, also by proxy, to his kinsfolks across the 
 wide ocean ; all, at some time, feel the desire to transmit 
 some message, word of love, business, or sometimes 
 enmity, by letter. 
 
 Yet, in spite of the universal need, and almost uni- 
 versal habit, there are really but very few persons who 
 write a good letter ; a letter that is, at the same time 
 long enough to interest, yet not long enough to tire ; 
 sufficiently condensed to keep the attention, and not 
 tedious, and yet detailed enough to afford satisfaction: 
 that is correct in grammatical construction, properly 
 punctuated, written in a clear, legible hand, with the 
 date, address, signature, all -in the proper place, no words 
 
 116 
 
 
LETTER WRITING. 117 
 
 whose letters stand in utter defiance to spelling-book 
 rules ; in short, a well- written letter. 
 
 Thousands, millions are sent from post to post every 
 day. The lightning speed of the telegraph takes its 
 messages from city to city ; the panting steamer carries 
 from continent to continent its heavy mail-bags, laden 
 with its weight of loving messages ; the " iron horse" 
 drags behind it, its measure of the many missives ; while, 
 in the far-distant Western wilds, the lumbering wagon 
 bears its paper freight, with its pen eloquence, to cheer 
 and comfort, or sadden and crush, the waiting emigrants, 
 longing for news of home. 
 
 To some, who, with hearts desolated by the separation 
 from the home circle, could read, with an eager interest, 
 volumes of the most common-place, trivial incidents, if 
 only connected with the loved ones there, will come 
 pages, from the pen of the dearest relative, full of 
 learning, wit, and wisdom, wholly uninteresting to the 
 receiver. 
 
 Why is this ? Not from any desire upon the part of 
 the writer to display learning or talent, but because, 
 writing a letter being to them a great undertaking, and 
 the letter being destined to go a long distance, they look 
 upon it as an event too unusual to be wasted in detailing 
 the simple, every-day details of domestic life, and ransack 
 memory and learning for a subject worthy of the long 
 journey and unusual labor. 
 
 Others will have, from mere acquaintances, long, 
 tedious details of uninteresting trivialities, and from the 
 near relatives, short, dry epistles, which fal; like stonea 
 
11? TA.DPCS BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 upon the hes^t longing for little, affectionate expressions, 
 and home memories. 
 
 From some letter writers, who are in the midst of 
 scenes and events of the most absorbing interest, letters 
 arrive, only a few lines long, without one allusion to the 
 interesting matter lying so profusely around them ; while 
 others, with the scantiest of outward subjects, will, from 
 their own teeming brain, write bewitching, absorbing 
 epistles, read with eagerness, laid aside with the echo 
 of Oliver Twist's petition in a sigh ; the reader longing 
 for "more." 
 
 It is, of course, impossible to lay down any distinct 
 rule for the style of letter writing. Embracing, as it 
 does, all subjects and all classes, all countries and asso- 
 ciations, and every relation in which one person can 
 stand to another, what would be an imperative rule in 
 some cases, becomes positive absurdity in others. Every 
 letter will vary from others written before, in either its 
 subject, the person addressed, or the circumstances which 
 make it necessary to write it. 
 
 Letter writing is, in fact, but conversation, carried on 
 with the pen, when distance or circumstances prevent the 
 easier method of exchanging ideas, by spoken words. 
 Write, therefore, as you would speak, were the person to 
 whom your letter is addressed seated beside you. As 
 amongst relatives and intimate friends you would con- 
 verse with a familiar manner, and . in easy language, so 
 in your letters to such persons, let your style be simple, 
 entirely devoid of effort. 
 
 Again, when introduced to a stranger, or conversing 
 with one much older than yourself, your manner is re- 
 
LETTER WRITING. 119 
 
 spectful and dignified ; so let the letters addressed to 
 those* on these terms with yourself, be written in a more 
 ceremonious style, but at the same time avoid stiffness, 
 and above all, pedantry. A letter of advice to a child, 
 would of course demand an entirely different style, from 
 that written by a young lady to a friend or relative ad- 
 vanced in life ; yet the general rule, " write as you 
 would converse," applies to each and every case. 
 
 Neatness is an important requisite in a letter. To 
 send a fair, clean sheet, with the words written in a clear, 
 legible hand, will go a great way in ensuring a cordial 
 welcome for your letter. Avoid erasures, as they spoil 
 the beauty of your sheet. If it is necessary to correct 
 a word, draw your pen through it, and write the word 
 you wish to use as a substitute, above the one erased ; 
 do not scratch out the word and write another over it : 
 it is untidy, and the second word is seldom legible. 
 Another requisite for a good letter is a clear, concise style. 
 Use language that will be easily understood, and avoid the 
 parenthesis. Important passages in letters are often lost 
 entirely, by the ambiguous manner in which they are 
 worded, or rendered quite as unintelligible by the blots, 
 erasures, or villainously bad hand-writing. A phrase 
 may, by the addition or omission of one word, or by the 
 alteration of one punctuation mark, convey to the reader 
 an entirely different idea from that intended by the 
 writer ; so, while you write plainly, use good language, 
 you must also write carefully, and punctuate properly. 
 
 If you are in doubt about the correct spelling of a 
 word, do not trust to chance, hoping it may be right, but 
 
120 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 get a dictionary, and be certain that you have spelt it as 
 it ought to be. 
 
 Simplicity is a great charm in letter-writing. What 
 you send in a letter, is, as a general rule, intended for 
 the perusal of one person only. Therefore to cumber 
 your epistles with quotations, similes, flowery language, 
 and a stilted, pedantic style, is in bad taste. You may 
 use elegant language, yet use it easily. If you use a 
 quotation, let it come into its place naturally, as if 
 flowing in perfect harmony with your ideas, and let it be 
 short. Long quotations in a letter are tiresome. Make 
 no attempt at display in a correspondence. You will err 
 as much in such an attempt, as if, when seated face to 
 face with your correspondent, alone in your own apart- 
 ment, you were to rise and converse with tl e gestures 
 and language of a minister in his pulpit, 01 a lecturer 
 upon his platform. 
 
 As everything, in style, depends upon the subject of 
 the letter, and the person to whom it is addressed, some 
 words follow, relating to some of the various kinds of 
 correspondence : 
 
 BUSINESS LETTERS should be as brief as is consistent 
 with the subject; clear, and to the point. Say all that 
 is necessary, in plain, distinct language, and say no 
 more. State, in forcible words, every point that it is 
 desirable for your correspondent to be made acquainted 
 with, that your designs and prospects upon the subject 
 may be perfectly well understood. Write, in such a 
 letter, of nothing but the business in hand ; other matters 
 will be out of place there. Nowhere is a confused style, 
 or illegible writing, more unpardonable than in a business 
 
LETTER WRITING. 121 
 
 letter ; nowhere a good style and hand more important. 
 Avoid flowery language, too many words, all pathos or 
 wit, any display of talent or learning, and every merely 
 personal matter, in a business letter. 
 
 LETTERS OF COMPLIMENT must be restricted, confined 
 entirely to one subject. If passing between acquaint- 
 ances, they should be written in a graceful, at the same 
 time respectful, manner. Avoid hackneyed expressions, 
 commonplace quotations, and long, labored sentences, 
 but while alluding to the subject in hand, as if warmly 
 interested in it, at the same time endeavor to write in a 
 style of simple, natural grace. 
 
 LETTERS OF CONGRATULATION demand a cheerful, 
 pltasant style, and an appearance of great interest. 
 They should be written from the heart, and the cordial, 
 warm feelings there will prompt the proper language. 
 Be careful, while offering to your friend the hearty con- 
 gratulations her happy circumstances demand, that you 
 do not let envy at her good fortune, creep into your 
 bead, to make the pen utter complaining words at your 
 own hard lot. Do not dampen her joy, by comparing 
 her happiness with the misery of another. There arc 
 many clouds in the life of every one of us. While thf 
 sun shines clearly upon the events of your friend's life 
 let her enjoy the brightness and warmth, unshadowed bj* 
 any words of yours. Give her, to the full, your sympathy 
 In her rejoicing, cheerful words, warm congratulations, 
 and bright hopes for the future. Should there bej at the 
 time of her happiness, any sad event you wish to com- 
 municate to her, of which it is your duty to inform her, 
 write it in another letter,, If you must send it the same 
 
122 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 day, do so, but let the epistle wishing her joy, go alone > 
 unclouded with the news of sorrow. At the same time, 
 avoid exaggerated expressions of congratulation, lest you 
 are suspected of a desire to be satirical, and avoid under- 
 lining any words. If the language is not forcible enough 
 to convey your ideas, you will not make it better by un- 
 derlining it. If you say to your friend upon her mar- 
 riage, that you wish her "joy in her new relations, and 
 hope she may be entirely Jiappy in her domestic life," 
 you make her doubt your wishes, and think you mean to 
 ridicule her chances of such happiness. 
 
 LETTERS OF CONDOLENCE are exceedingly trying, both 
 to read and to write. If the affliction which- calls for 
 
 
 
 them is one which touches you nearly, really grieving 
 and distressing you, all written words must seem tame 
 and ccld, compared with the aching sympathy which dic- 
 tates them. It is hard with the eyes blinded by tears, 
 and the hand shaking, to write calmly ; and it is impossi- 
 ble to express upon paper all the burning thoughts and 
 words that would pour forth, were you beside the friend 
 whose sorrow is yours. If you do not feel the trial, your 
 task is still more difficult, for no letters demand truth,' 
 spoken from the heart, more than letters of condolence. 
 Do not treat the subject for grief too lightly. Write 
 words of comfort if you will, but do not appear to con- 
 sider the affliction as a trifle. Time may make it less 
 severe, but the first blow of grief must be heavy, and a 
 few words of sincere sympathy will outweigh pages of 
 mere expressions of hope for comfort, or the careless 
 lines that show the letter to be one of mere duty, not 
 feeling, Let your friend feel that her sorrow makes her 
 
LETTER WRITING. 123 
 
 dearer to you than ever before, and that her grief is 
 yours. To treat the subject with levity, or to wander 
 from it into witticisms or every-day chit-chat, is a wanton 
 insult, unworthy of a lady and a friend. Do not mag- 
 nify the event, or plunge the mourner into still deeper 
 despondency by taking a despairing, gloomy view of the 
 sorrow, under which she is bent. Show her the silver 
 lining of her cloud, try to soothe her grief, yet be will- 
 ing to admit that it is a cloud, and that she has cause for 
 grief. To throw out hints that the sorrow is sent as a 
 punishment to an offender ; to imply that neglect or im- 
 prudence on the part of the mourner is the cause of the 
 calamity ; to hold up the trial as an example of retribu- 
 tion, or a natural consequence of wrong doing, is cruel, 
 and barbarous. Even if this is true, (indeed, if this is 
 the case, it only aggravates the insult) ; avoid such retro- 
 spection. It is as if a surgeon, called in to a patient suf- 
 fering from a fractured limb, sat down, inattentive to the 
 Buffering, to lecture his patient ' upon the carelessness 
 which caused the accident. One of the most touching 
 letters of condolence ever written was sent by a literary 
 lady, well known in the ranks of our American author- 
 esses, to her sister, who had lost her youngest child. 
 The words were few, merely : 
 
 " SISTER DARLING : 
 
 u I cannot write what is in my heart for you to-day, 
 it is too full. Filled with a double sorrow, for you, for 
 my own grief. Tears blind me, my pen trembles in my 
 hand. Oh, to be near you ! to clasp you in my arms ! 
 
124 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 
 
 to draw your head to my bosom, and weep with you ! 
 Darling, God comfort you, I cannot. 
 
 "S." 
 
 That was all. Yet the sorrowing mother said that no 
 other letter, though she appreciated the kind motive that 
 dictated all, yet none comforted her as did thesQ few 
 lines. Written from the heart, their simple eloquence 
 touched the heart for which they were intended. Early 
 stages of great grief Deject comfort, but they long, with 
 intense longing, for sympathy. 
 
 LETTERS WRITTEN TO GENTLEMEN should be ceremo- 
 nious and dignified. If the acquaintance is slight, write 
 in the third person, if there is a necessity for a letter. 
 If a business letter, be respectful, yet hot servile. It is 
 better to avoid correspondence with gentlemen, particu- 
 larly whilst you are young, as there are many objections 
 to it. Still, if a friend of long standing solicits a cor- 
 respondence, and your parents or husband approve and 
 permit compliance with the request, it would be over- 
 prudish to refuse. Write, however, such letters as, if 
 they were printed in the newspapers, would cause you no 
 annoyance. If the acquaintance admits of a frank, 
 friendly style, be careful that your expressions of good, 
 will do not become too vehement, and avoid any confi- 
 dential communications. When he begins to ask you to 
 keep such and sucfr passages secret, believe me, it is quite 
 time to drop the* correspondence. 
 
 LETTERS OF ENQUIRY, especially if they request a 
 favor, should contain a few lines of compliment. If the 
 letter is upon a private subject, such as enquiry with re- 
 
LETTER WRITING. 125 
 
 .gard to the illness or misfortune of a friend, aroid 
 making it too brief. To write short, careless letters 
 upon such subjects, is unfeeling, and they will surely ba 
 attributed to motives of obligation or duty, not to inter- 
 est. Letters of enquiry, referring to family matters, 
 should be delicately worded, and appear dictated by in- 
 terest, not mere curiosity. If the enquiry refers to 
 matters interesting only to yourself, enclose a postage- 
 stamp for the reply. In answering such letters, if they 
 refer to your own health or subjects interesting to your- 
 self, thank the writer for the interest expressed, and an- 
 swer in a satisfactory^ manner. If the answer interests 
 your correspondent only, do not reply as if the enquiry 
 annoyed you, but express some interest in the matter of 
 the letter, and give as clear and satisfactory reply as is 
 in your power. 
 
 LETTERS OFFERING FAVORS Be careful in writing to 
 offer a favor, that you do not make your friend feel a 
 heavy weight of obligation by over-rating your services. 
 The kindness will be duly appreciated, a^nd more highly 
 valued if offered in a delicate manner. Too strong a 
 sense of obligation is humiliating, so do not diminish the 
 real value of the service- by forcing the receiver to ac- 
 knowledge a fictitious value. Let the recipient of your 
 good will feel that it affords you as much pleasure to con- 
 fer the favor as it will give her to receive it. A letter 
 accompanying a present, should be short and gracefully 
 worded. The affectionate spirit of such little epistles 
 will double the value of the gift which they accompany. 
 Never refer to a favor received, in such a letter, as that 
 will give your gift the appearance of being payment for 
 
126 LADIES* BOOK OP ETIQUETTE. 
 
 such favor, and make your letter of about as much value 
 as a tradesman's receipted bill. 
 
 LETTERS OF THANKS for enquiries made, should be 
 short, merely echoing the words of the letter they an- 
 swer, and contain the answer to the question, with an 
 acknowledgement of your correspondent's interest. If 
 the letter is your own acknowledgement of a favor con- 
 ferred, let the language be simple, but strong, grateful, 
 and graceful. Fancy that you are clasping the hand of 
 the kind friend who has been genejrous or thoughtful for 
 you, and then write, even as you would speak. Never 
 hint that you deem such a favor an obligation to be re 
 turned at the first opportunity ; although this may really 
 be the case, it is extremely indelicate to say so. In 
 your letter gracefully acknowledge the obligation, and if, 
 at a later day, you can return the favor, then let actions, 
 not words, prove your grateful recollection of the favor 
 conferred upon you. If your letter is written to ac- 
 knowledge the reception of a present, speak of the beauty 
 or usefulness of the gift, and of the pleasant associations 
 with her name it will always, recall. 
 
 LETTERS OF RECOMMENDATION should be truthful, po- 
 lite, and carefully considered. Such letters may te 
 business letters, or tjiey may be givan to servants, and 
 they must be given only when really deserved. Do not 
 be hasty in giving them ; remember that you are, in 
 some measure responsible for the bearer ; therefore, never 
 sacrifice truth and frankness, to a mistaken idea of kind- 
 ness or politeness. 
 
 LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION must be left unsealed, 
 hey must not contain any allusion to the personal 
 
LETTER WHITING. 12, 
 
 qualities of the bearer, as such allusion would be about 
 as sure a proof of ill-breeding as if you sat beside your 
 friend, and ran over the list of the virtues and talents 
 possessed by her. The fact that the person bearing the 
 letter is your friend, will be all sufficient reason for cor 
 'dial reception by the friend to whom the letter is ad 
 dressed. The best form is : 
 
 PHILADELPHIA, June 18th, 18 . 
 MY DEAR MARY : 
 
 This letter will be handed to you by Mrs. C., to whom 
 I am pleased to introduce you, certain that the acquaint- 
 ance thus formed, between two friends of mine, of so 
 long standing and so much beloved, will be pleasant to 
 both parties. Any attention that you may find it in 
 your power to extend to Mrs. C. whilst she is in your 
 city, will be highly appreciated, and gratefully acknow 
 ledged, by 
 
 Your sincere friend 
 
 A ; 
 
 LETTERS OF ADVICE should not be written unsolicited. 
 They will, in all probability, even when requested, be 
 unpalatable, and should never be sent unless they can 
 really be of service. Write them with frankness and 
 sincerity. To write after an act has been committed, 
 and is irrevocable, is folly, and it is also unkind. You 
 may inform your friend that, "had you been consulted, a 
 different course from the one taken would have been re- 
 commended," and you may really believe this, yet it will 
 probably be false. Seeing the unfavorable result of the 
 
128 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 wrong course will enable you fully to appreciate the wis- 
 dom of the right one, but, had you been consulted when 
 the matter was doubtful, you would probably have been 
 as much puzzled as your friend to judge the proper mode 
 of action. You should word a letter of advice delicately, 
 stating your opinion frankly and freely, but giving it as 
 an opinion, not as a positive law. If the advice is not 
 taken, do not feel offended, as others, more experienced 
 than yourself upon the point in question, may have also 
 been consulted. Let no selfish motive govern such a 
 letter. Think only of the good or evil to result to youi 
 friend, and while you may write warmly and earnestly, 
 let the motive be a really disinterested one. 
 
 LETTERS OF EXCUSE should be frank and graceful. 
 They must be written promptly, as soon as the occasion 
 that calls for them admits. If delayed, they become in- 
 sulting. If such a letter is called forth by an act of 
 negligence on your own part, apologize for it frankly, 
 and show by your tone that you sincerely desire to re- 
 gain the confidence your carelessness has periled. If 
 you have been obliged by positive inability to neglect 
 the fulfilment of any promise you have given, or any 
 commission you have undertaken, then state the reason 
 for your delay, and solicit the indulgence of your friend. 
 Do not write in such stiff, formal language that the 
 apology will seem forced from you, but offer your excuse 
 frankly, as if with a sincere desire to atone for an act 
 of negligence, or remove a ground of offence. 
 
 LETTERS OF INTELLIGENCE are generally the answer to 
 letters of enquiry, or the statement of certain incidents 
 r vc facts, interesting both to the writer and reader of the 
 
LETTER WRITING. 129 
 
 letter. Be careful in writing such a letter that you have 
 all the facts in exact accordance with the truth. Re- 
 member that every word is set down against you, if one 
 item of your information prove to be false ; and do not 
 allow personal opinion or prejudice to dictate a single 
 sentence. Never repeat anything gathered from mere 
 hearsay, and be careful, in such a letter, that ycu violate 
 no confidence, nor force yo.urself upon the private affairs 
 of any one. Do not let scandal or a mere love of gossip 
 dictate a letter of intelligence. If your news is painful, 
 state it as delicately as possible, and add a few lines ex- 
 pressive of sympathy. If it is your pleasant task to 
 communicate a joyful event, make your letter cheerful 
 and gay. If you have written any such letter, and, 
 after sending it, find you have made any error in a state- 
 ment, write, and correct the mistake immediately. It 
 may be a trivial error, yet there is no false or mistaken 
 news so trifling as to make a correction unnecessary. 
 
 INVITATIONS are generally written in the third person, 
 and this form is used where the acquaintance is very 
 slight, for formal notes, and cards of compliment. The 
 form is proper upon such occasions, but should be used 
 only in .the most ceremonious correspondence. If this 
 style is adopted by a person who has been accustomed to 
 write in a more familiar one to you, take it as a hint, 
 that the correspondence has, for some reason, become 
 disagreeable, and had better cease. 
 
 AUTOGRAPH LETTERS should be very short ; merely 
 acknowledging the compliment paid by the request for 
 the signature, and a few words expressing the pleasure 
 
 you feel in granting the favor. If you write to ask for 
 9 
 
130 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 an autograph, always inclose a postage stamp for the 
 answer. 
 
 Date every letter you write accurately, and avoid 
 postscripts. 
 
 Politeness, kindness, both demand that every letter 
 you receive must be answered. Nothing can give more 
 pleasure in a correspondence, than prompt replies. 
 Matters of much importance often rest upon the reply 
 to a letter, and therefore this duty should never be de- 
 layed. In answering friendly letters, it will be found, 
 much easier to write what is kind and interesting, if you 
 sit down to the task, as soon as you jead your friend's 
 letter. Always mention the date of the letter to which 
 your own is a reply. 
 
 Never write on a half sheet of paper. Paper is cheap, 
 and a half sheet looks both mean and slovenly. If you 
 do not write but three lines, still send the whole sheet 
 of paper. Perfectly plain paper, thick, smooth, and 
 white, is the most elegant. When in mourning, use 
 paper and envelopes with a black edge. Never use the 
 gilt edged, or fancy bordered paper ; it looks vulgar, and 
 is in bad taste. You may, if you will, have your initials 
 stamped at the top of the sheet, and on the seal of the 
 envelope, but do not have any fancy ornaments in the 
 corners, or on the back of the envelope. 
 
 You will be guilty of a great breach of politeness, if 
 you answer either a note or letter upon the half sheet of 
 the paper sent by your correspondent, even though it 
 may be left blank. 
 
 Never write, even the shortest note, in pencil It looks 
 careless, and is rude. 
 
LETTER WRITING. 131 
 
 Never write a letter carelessly. It may be addressed 
 to your most intimate friend, or your nearest relative, 
 but you can never be sure that the eye for which it is 
 intended, will be the only one that sees it. I do not 
 mean by thisj that the epistle should be in a formal, 
 studied style, but that it must be correct in its grammat- 
 ical construction, properly punctuated, with every word 
 epelt according to rule. Even in the most familiar 
 opistles, observe the proper rules for composition ; you 
 vould not in conversing, even with your own family, use 
 jicorrect grammar, or impertinent language ; therefore 
 avoid saying upon paper what you would not say 'with 
 your tongue. 
 
 Notes written in the third person, must be continued 
 throughout in the same person ; they are frequently very 
 mysterious from the confusion of pronouns, yet it is a 
 style of correspondence much used and very proper upon 
 many occasions. For compliment, inquiry where there 
 is no intimacy between the parties ; from superiors to 
 inferiors, the form is elegant and proper. If you receive 
 a note written in the third person, reply in the same 
 form, but do not reply thus to a more familiar note or 
 letter, as it is insulting, and implies offence taken. If 
 you wish to repel undue familiarity or impertinence in 
 your correspondent, then reply to the epistle in the most 
 formal language, and in the third person. 
 
 It is an extraordinary fact, that persons who have re 
 ceived a good -education, and who use their pens frequently, 
 will often, in writing notes, commence in the third person 
 and then use the second or first personal pronoun, and 
 finish by a signature ; thus 
 
132 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Miss Claire's compliments to Mr. James, and wisoes 
 to know whether you have finished reading my copy of 
 "Jane Eyre," as if Mr. James had finished it, I would 
 like to lend it to another friend. 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 ELLA CLAIRE. 
 
 The errors in the above are to~> glaring to need com 
 ment, yet, with only the alteration of names, it is a copy, 
 verbatim, of a note written by a well educated girl. 
 
 Never sign a note written in the third person, if you 
 begin the note with your own name. It is admissible, if 
 the note is worded in this way : 
 
 Will Mr. James return by bearer, the copy of " Jane 
 Eyre" he borrowed, if he has finished reading it, and 
 
 oblige his sincere friend, 
 
 ELLA CLAIRE. 
 
 If you use a quotation, never omit to put it in quota- 
 tion marks, otherwise your correspondent may, however 
 unjustly, accuse you of a desire to pass off the idea and 
 words of another, for your own. 
 
 Avoid postscripts. Above all, never send an inquiry 
 or compliment in a postscript. To write a long letter, 
 upon various subjects, and in the postscript desire to be 
 remembered to your friend's family, or inquire for 
 their welfare, instead of a compliment, becomes in- 
 sulting. It is better, if you have not time to write again 
 and place such inquiries above your signatuie, to omit 
 them entirely. Nobody likes to see their name men- 
 tioned as an afterthought. 
 
LETTER WRITING. 133 
 
 Punctuate your letters carefully. The want of a mark 
 of punctuation, or the incorrect placing of it, will make 
 the most woful confusion. I give an instance of the 
 utter absurdity produced by the alteration of punctuation 
 marks, turning a sensible paragraph to the most arrant 
 nonsense : 
 
 " Caesar entered ; on his head his helmet ; on his feet 
 armed sandals ; upon his brow there was a cloud; in his 
 right hand his faithful sword ; in his eye an angry glare ; 
 saying nothing, he sat down." 
 
 By using precisely the same words, merely altering 
 the position of the punctuation marks, we have 
 
 u Caesar entered on his head ; his helmet on his feet , 
 armed sandals upon his brow ; there was a cloud in his 
 right hand ; his faithful sword in his eye ; an angry glare 
 saying nothing; he sat down." 
 
 Be careful, then, to punctuate properly, that you may 
 convey to the reader the exact sense of what is in your 
 mind. 
 
 If you receive an impertinent letter, treat it with con- 
 tempt ; do not answer it. 
 
 Never answer a letter by proxy, when you are able to 
 write yourself. It is a mark of respect and love, to 
 answer, in your own hand, all letters addressed to you. 
 If you are obliged to write to a friend to refuse to grant 
 a favor asked, you will lessen the pain of refusal by 
 wording your letter delicately. Loving words, if it is a 
 near friend, respectful, kind ones if a mere acquaintance, 
 will make the disagreeable contents of the letter more 
 bearable., Try to make the manner smooth and soften 
 the hardness of the matter. 
 
134 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Every letter must embrace the following particulars : 
 1st. The date. 2d. The complimentary address. 3d. 
 The body of the letter. 4th. The complimentary 
 closing. 5th. The signature. 6th. The address. 
 
 There are two ways of putting the date, and the ad- 
 dress. The first is to place them at the top of the sheet, 
 the other is to place them after the signature. 
 
 When at the top, you write the name of your resi- 
 dence, or that of the city in which you reside, with the 
 day of the month and the year, at the right hand of the 
 first line of the sheet. Then, at the left hand of the 
 next line, write the address, then the complimentary ad- 
 dress below the name ; thus 
 
 WILLOW GROVE, NEW YORK, 
 
 June 21th, 1859. 
 MRS. E. C. HOWELL, 
 
 My dear Madam, 
 
 I received your letter, etc. 
 
 At the end of the letter, on the right hand of the 
 sheet, put the complimentary closing, and then the sig- 
 nature; thus 
 
 I remain, my dear Madam, 
 
 With much respect, 
 Yours sincerely, 
 S. E. LAW. 
 
LETTER WRITING. 136 
 
 If you place the date and address after the signature, 
 put it at the left of the sheet ; thus 
 
 I remain, my dear Madam, 
 
 With much respect, 
 Yours sincerely, 
 
 S. E. LAW. 
 MRS. E. C. HOWELL. 
 
 June %lth, 1859. 
 
 For a long letter, it is better to put the date and ad- 
 uress at the top of the page. For a letter of only a 
 iew lines, which ends on the first page, the second form 
 is best. In a letter written to a person in the same city, 
 you need not put the address under the signature; if not, 
 write it 
 
 S. E. LAW, 
 
 WILLOW GROVE, NEW YORK. 
 
 In writing to a dear friend or relative, where there is 
 no formality required, you may omit the name at the top 
 of the letter; put the date and address thus 
 
 WILLOW GROVE, NEW YORK, 
 
 June 21th, 1859 
 DEAR ANNA : 
 
 I write, etc. 
 
 It is best, however, to put the full name at the bottom 
 of the last page, In v^ise the letter is mislaid without the 
 envelope ; thus 
 
 E. C. LAW. 
 
 Miss AETNA W 
 
136 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 If you use an envelope, and this custom is now uni- 
 versal, fold jour letter neatly to fit into it ; then direct on 
 the envelope. Put first the name, then the name of the 
 person to whose care the letter must be directed, then 
 the street, the city, and State. If the town is small, put 
 also the county. 
 
 This is the form : 
 
 Miss ANNA WRIGHT, 
 
 Care of Mr. John C. Wright, 
 No. 40, Lexington street, 
 
 Greensburg Lee County. 
 
 Mass. 
 
 If the city is a large one, New York, Philadelphia, 
 Baltimore, or any of the principal cities of the Union, 
 you may omit the name of the county. If your letter 
 is to go abroad, add the name of the country : as, Eng- 
 land, or France, in full, under that of the city. 
 
 The name of the state is usually abbreviated, and for 
 the use of my readers, I give the names of the United 
 States with their abbreviations : 
 
 Maine, Me. New Hampshire, N. H. Vermont, Yt. 
 Massachusetts, Mass. Rhode Island, R. I. Connecti- 
 cut, Conn. New York, N. Y. New Jersey, N. J. 
 Pennsylvania, Pa., or, Penn. Delaware, Del. Mary- 
 land, Md. Virginia, Va. North Carolina, N. C. ' South 
 Carolina, S. C. Georgia, Ga., or, Geo. Alabama, 
 Ala. Mississippi, Miss. Missouri, Mo. Louisiana, La. 
 Tennessee, Tenn. Kentucky, Ky. Indiana, Ind. 
 Ohio, 0. Michigan, Mich. Illinois, 111. Wisconsin, 
 Wis. Arkansas, Ark. Texas, Tex. Iowa, lo. Flo- 
 
LETTER WRITING. 137 
 
 rida, Flo. Oregon, 0. California, Cal. Minnesota, 
 Minn. District of Columbia, D. C. If you are writing 
 from another country to America, put United States of 
 America after the name of the state. 
 
 On the upper left hand corner of your envelope, put 
 your postage-stamp. 
 
 If you send a letter by private hand, write the name 
 of the bearer in the lower left hand corner, thus : 
 
 MRS. E. A. HOWELL, 
 
 Clinton Place, 
 
 Boston. 
 Mr. G. G. Lane. 
 
 In directing to any one who can claim any prefix, or 
 addition, to his proper name do not omit to put that, "re- 
 publican title." For a clergyman, Rev. for L ^ivend is 
 put before the name, thus : 
 
 REV. JAMES C. DAY. 
 For a bishop : 
 
 RIGHT REVEREND E. BANKS. 
 For a physician : 
 
 DR. JAMES CURTIS. 
 
 or, 
 
 JAMES CURTIS, M.D. 
 For a member of Congress : 
 
 HON. E. C. DELTA. 
 For an officer in the navy. 
 
 CAPT. HENRY LEE, U. S. N. 
 For an officer in the army : 
 
 COL. EDWARD HOLMES, U. S. A. 
 
138 LADIES' BOOK OP ETIQUETTE. 
 
 For a professor : 
 
 PROF. E. L. JAMES. 
 
 If the honorary addition, LL.D., A. M., or any such 
 title belongs to your correspondent, add it to his name, 
 on the envelope, thus : 
 
 J. L. PETERS, LL.D. 
 
 If you seal with wax, it is best to put a drop under 
 the turn-over, and fasten this down firmly before you 
 drop the wax that is to receive the impression. 
 
 Cards of compliment are usually written in the third 
 person. I give a few of the most common and proper 
 forms. 
 
 For a party . 
 
 Miss Lee's compliments to Mr. Bates, for Wednesday 
 evening, Nov. 18th, at 8 o'clock. 
 
 Addressed to a lady : 
 
 Miss Lee requests the pleasure of Miss Howard's com- 
 pany on Wednesday evening, Nov. 18th, at 8 o'clock. 
 
 For a ball, the above form, with the word Dancing, in 
 the left hand corner. 
 
 Invitations to dinner or tea specify the entertainment 
 thus: 
 
 Mrs. Garret's compliments to Mr. and Mrs. Howard 
 
 and requests the pleasure of their company to dine (or 
 take tea) on Wednesday, Nov. 6th, at 6 o'clock. 
 
 The form for answering, is : 
 
LETTER WRITING. 139 
 
 Miss Howard accepts with pleasure Miss Lee's polite 
 invitation for Wednesday evening. 
 
 or, 
 
 Miss Howard regrets that a prior engagement will 
 prevent her accepting Miss Lee's polite invitation for 
 Wednesday evening. 
 
 Mr. and Mrs. Howard's compliments to Mrs. Garret, 
 and accept with pleasure her kind invitation for Wednes- 
 day. 
 
 or, 
 
 Mrs. Howard regrets that the severe illness of Mr. 
 Howard will render it impossible for either herself or 
 Mr. Howard to join Mrs. Garret's party on Wednesday 
 next. 
 
 Upon visiting cards, left when the caller is about to 
 leave the city, the letters p. p. c. are put in the left hand 
 corner, they are the abbreviation of the French words, 
 pour prendre conge , or may, with equal propriety, stand 
 for presents parting compliments* Another form, p. d. a., 
 pour dire adieu, may be used. 
 
 No accomplishment within the scope of human know- 
 ledge is so beautiful in all its features as that of epis- 
 tolary correspondence. Though distance, absence, and 
 circumstances may separate the holiest alliances of 
 friendship, or those who are bound together by the still 
 stronger ties of affection, yet the power of interchanging 
 thoughts, words, feelings, and sentiments, through the 
 medium of letters, adds a sweetness to the pain of sepa- 
 ration, renovating to life, and adding to happiness. 
 
140 LADIES* BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 The wide ocean may roll between those who have 
 passed the social years of youth together, or the snow- 
 capped Alps may rise in sublime grandeur, separating 
 early associates ; still young remembrances may be called 
 up, and the paradise of memory made to bloom afresh 
 with unwithered flowers of holy recollection. 
 
 Though we see not eye to eye and face to face, where 
 the soft music of a loved voice may fall with its richness 
 upon the ear, yet the very soul and emotions of the mind 
 may be poured forth in such melody as to touch the 
 heart " that's far away," and melt down the liveliest eye 
 into tears of ecstatic rapture. 
 
 Without the ability to practice the refined art of epis- 
 tolary correspondence, men would become cold and dis- 
 cordant : an isolated compound of misanthropy. They 
 would fall off in forsaken fragments from the great bond 
 of union which now adorns and beautifies all society. 
 Absence, distance, and time would cut the silken cords 
 of parental, brotherly, and even connubial affection. 
 Early circumstances would be lost in forgetfulness, and 
 the virtues of reciprocal friendship " waste their sweet- 
 ness on the desert air." 
 
 Since, then, the art and practice of letter-writing is 
 productive of so much refined and social happiness, a 
 laudable indulgence in it must ever be commendable. 
 While it elevates the noble faculties of the minxl, it also 
 chastens the disposition, and improves those intellectual 
 powers which would otherwise remain dormant and use- 
 less. 
 
 Notwithstanding the various beauties and pleasures 
 attendant upon the accomplishment, yet there are many 
 
LETTER WRITING. 141 
 
 who have given it but a slight portion of their attention, 
 and have, therefore, cause to blush at their own ignorance 
 whei: necessity demands its practice. There is no better 
 mode by which to test the acquirements of either a 
 young lady or gentleman than from their letters. 
 
 Letters are among the most useful forms of composi- 
 tion. There are few persons, who can read or write at 
 all, who do not frequently have occasion to write them ; 
 and an elegant letter is much more rare than an elegant 
 specimen of any other kind of writing. 
 
 The more rational and elevated the topics are, on 
 which you write, the less will you care for your letters 
 being seen, or for paragraphs being read out of them ; 
 and where there is no need of any secrecy, it is best not 
 to bind your friend by promises, but to leave it to her 
 discretion 
 
CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 POLITE DEPORTMENT, AND GOOD HABITS. 
 
 LORD CHESTERFIELD says, " Good sense and good 
 nature suggest civility in general ; but in good breeding 
 there are a thousand little delicacies which are estab- 
 lished only by custom." 
 
 It is the knowledge and practice of such " little deli- 
 cacies" which constitutes the greatest charm of society. 
 
 Manner may be, and, in most cases, probably is, the 
 cloak of the heart ; this cloak may be used to cover de- 
 fects, but is it not better so to conceal these defects, than 
 to flaunt and parade them in the eyes of all whom we 
 may meet ? 
 
 Many persons plead a love of truth as an apology for 
 rough manners, as if truth was never gentle and kind, 
 but always harsh, morose, and forbidding. Surely good 
 manners and a good coascience are no more inconsistent 
 with each other than beauty and innocence, which are 
 strikingly akin, and always look the better for compan- 
 ionship. Roughness and honesty are indeed sometimes 
 found top-ether in the same person, but he is a poor judge 
 of human nature wno takes ill-mariners to be a guarantee 
 
 a>f probity of character. Some persons object to polite- 
 142 
 
POLITE DEPORTMENT, ASD GOOD HABITS. 143 
 
 ness, that its language is unmeaning and false. But this 
 is easily answered. A lie is not locked up in a phrase, 
 but must exist, if at all, in the mind of the- speaker. In 
 the ordinary compliments of civilized life, there is no in- 
 tention to deceive, and consequently no falsehood. 
 Polite language is pleasant to the ear, and soothing to 
 the heart, while rough words are just the reverse ; and 
 if not the product of ill temper, are very apt to produce 
 it. The plainest of truths, let it be remembered, can be 
 .conveyed in civil speech, while the most malignant lies 
 may find utterance, and often do, in the language of the 
 fishmarket. 
 
 Many ladies say, " Oh, I am perfectly frank and out- 
 spoken ; I never stop to mince words," or, " there is no 
 affectation about me ; all my actions are perfectly natu 
 ral," and, upon the ground of frankness, will insult and 
 wound' by rude language, and defend awkwardness and 
 ill-breeding by the plea of "natural manners." 
 
 If nature has not invested you with all the virtues 
 which may be desirable in a lady, do not make your 
 faults more conspicuous by thrusting them forward upon 
 all occasions, and at all times. " Assume a virtue if you 
 have it not," and you will, in time, by imitation, ac 
 quire it. 
 
 By endeavoring to appear generous, disinterested, 
 self-sacrificing, and amiable, the opposite passions will be 
 brought into subjection, first in the manner, afterwards 
 in the heart. It is not the desire to deceive, but the 
 desire to please, which will dictate such a course. When 
 you hear one, who pretends to be a lady, boast that she 
 is rimgh, capricious, and gluttonous, you may feel sure 
 
144 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 that she has never tried to conquer these faults, or she 
 would be ashamed, not proud, of them. 
 
 The way to make yourself pleasing to others, is to 
 show that you care for them. The whole world is like 
 the miller at Mansfield, "who cared for nobody no, 
 not he because nobody cared for him." And the whole 
 world will serve you so, if you give them the same cause. 
 Let every one, therefore, see that you do care for them, 
 by showing them, what Sterne so happily calls, " the 
 small, sweet courtesies of life," those courtesies in which 
 there is no parade ; whose voice is too still to tease*, and 
 which manifest themselves by tender and affectionate 
 look?, and little, kind acts of attention, giving others the 
 preference in every little enjoyment at the table, in the 
 field, walking, sitting, or standing. 
 
 Thus the first rule for a graceful manner is unselfish 
 consideration of others. 
 
 By endeavoring to acquire the habit of politeness, it 
 will soon become familiar, and sit on you with ease, if 
 not with elegance. Let it never be forgotten, that gen- 
 uine politeness is a great fosterer of family love ; it 
 allays accidental irritation, by preventing harsh, retorts 
 and rude contradictions ; it softens the boisterous, stim- 
 ulates the indolent, suppresses selfishness, and by form- 
 ing a habit of consideration for others, harmonizes the 
 whole. Politeness begets politeness, and brothers may 
 be easily won by it, to leave off the rude ways they bring 
 home from school or college. Sisters ought never to 
 receive any little attention without thanking them for it, 
 never to ask a favor of them but in courteous terms, 
 never to reply to their questions in monosyllables, and 
 
POLITE DEPORTMENT, AND GOOD HABITS. 146 
 
 they will soon be ashamed to do such things themselves. 
 Both precept and example ought to be laid under contri- 
 bution, to convince them that no one can have really 
 good manners abroad, who is not habitually polite at 
 home. _ 
 
 If you wish to be a well-bred lady, you must carry 
 your good manners everywhere with you. It is not a 
 thing that can be laid aside and put on at pleasure 
 True politeness is uniform disinterestedness in trifles, 
 accompanied by the calm self-possession which belongs 
 to a noble simplicity of purpose ; and this must be the 
 effect of a Christian spirit running through all you do, 
 or say, or think ; and, unless you cultivate it and exercise 
 it, upon all occasions and towards all persons, it will 
 never be a part of yourself. 
 
 It is not an art to be paraded upon public occasions, 
 and neglected in every-day duties ; nor should it, like a 
 ball-dress, be carefully laid aside at home, trimmed, or- 
 namented, and worn only when out. Let it come into 
 every thought, and it will show forth in every action. 
 Let it be the rule in the homeliest duties, and then it will 
 set easily when in public, not in a stiff manner, like a 
 garment seldom worn. 
 
 I wish it were possible to convince every woman that 
 politeness is a most excellent good quality ; that it is a 
 necessary ingredient in social comfort, and a capital as- 
 sistant to actual prosperity. Like most good things, 
 however, the word politeness is often misunderstood and 
 misapplied ; and before urging the practical use of that 
 which it represents, it may be necessary to say what it 
 
 means, and what it does not mean. 
 10 
 
146 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Politeness is not hypocrisy : cold-heartedness, or un- 
 kindness in disguise. There are persons who can smile 
 upon a victim, and talk smoothly, while they injure, de- 
 ceive, or betray. And they will take credit to them- 
 selves, that air has heen done with the utmost politeness, 
 that every tone, look, and action, has been in perfect 
 keeping with the rules of good breeding. " The words 
 of their mouth are smoother than butter, but war is in 
 their heart : their words are softer than oil, yet are they 
 drawn swords." Perish for ever and ever such spurious 
 politeness as this ! 
 
 Politeness is not servility. If it were so, a Russian 
 serf would be a model of politeness. It is very possible 
 for persons to be very cringing and obsequious, without 
 a single atom of politeness ; and it often happens that 
 men of the most sturdy independence of character, are 
 essentially polite in all their words, actions, and feelings. 
 It were well for this to be fully understood, for many 
 people will abstain from acts of real politeness, and even 
 of common civility, for fear of damaging their fancied 
 independence. 
 
 True politeness, as I understand it, is kindness and 
 courtesy of feeling brought into every-day exercise. 
 It comprehends hearty good will towards everybody, 
 thorough and constant good-humor, an easy deportment, 
 and obliging manners. Every person who cultivates 
 such feelings, and takes no pains to conceal them, will 
 necessarily be polite, though she may not exactly know 
 it ; while, on the other hand, a woman essentially morose 
 and selfish, whatever may be her pretensions, must be 
 very far from truly polite. 
 
POLITE DEPORTMENT, AND GOOD HABITS. 147 
 
 It is very true there are those whose position in society 
 compels them to observe certain rules of etiquette which 
 pass for politeness. They bow or courtesy with a decent 
 grace ; shake hands with the precise degree of vigor 
 which the circumstances of the case require ; speak just 
 at the right time, and in the required manner, and smile 
 with elegant propriety. Not a tone, look, or gesture, is 
 out of place ; not a habit indulged which etiquette for- 
 bids ; and yet, there will be wanting, after all, the secret 
 charm of sincerity and heart kindness, which those out- 
 ward signs are intended to represent ; and, wanting 
 which, we have only the form, without the essence, of 
 politeness. 
 
 Let me recommend, therefore, far beyond all the rules 
 ever penned by teachers of etiquette, the cultivation of 
 kind and loving feelings. Throw your whole soul into 
 the lesson, and you will advance rapidly towards the 
 perfection of politeness, for "out of the abundance of 
 the heart the mouth speaketh," and the movements of 
 your form and the words you utter will follow faithfully 
 the hidden springs of action within. 
 
 There cannot be genuine good breeding to any happj 
 degree, where there is not self-respect. It is that which 
 imparts ease and confidence to our manners, and impels 
 us, for our own sake, as well as for the sake of others, to 
 behave becomingly as intelligent beings. 
 
 It is a want of true politeness that introduces the dis- 
 cord and confusion which too often make our homes un- 
 nappy. A little consideration for the feelings of those 
 whom we are bound to love and cherish, and a little 
 sacrifice of our own wills, would, in multitudes of instances, 
 
148 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 make all the difference between alienation and growing 
 affection. The principle of genuine politeness would ac- 
 complish this ; and what a pity it is that those whose 
 only spring of rational enjoyment is to be found at home, 
 should miss that enjoyment by a disregard of little 
 things, which, after all, make up the sum of human 
 existence ! 
 
 What a large amount of actual discomfort in domestic 
 life would be prevented, if all children were trained, both 
 by precept and example, to the practice of common 
 politeness ! If they were taught to speak respectfully 
 to parents, and brothers, and sisters, to friends, neigh- 
 bors, and strangers, what bawlings, and snarlings 
 would be stilled ! If their behavior within doors, and 
 .especially at the table, were regulated by a few of 
 the common rules of good breeding, how much natural 
 and proper disgust would be spared ! If courtesy of de- 
 meanor, towards all whom they meet in field or highway, 
 were instilled, how much more pleasant would be our 
 town travels, and our rustic rambles ! Every parent has 
 a personal interest in this matter ; and if every parent 
 would but make the needful effort, a great degree of 
 gross incivility, and consequent annoyance, would soon 
 be swept away from our hearths and homes. 
 
 Whilst earnestly endeavoring to acquire true polite- 
 ness, avoid that spurious imitation, affectation. It is to 
 genuine politeness and good breeding, what the showy 
 paste is to the pure diamond. It is the offspring of a 
 sickly taste, a deceitful heart, and a sure proof of low 
 breeding. 
 
 The certain test of affectation in any individual, is the 
 
POLITE DEPORTMENT, AND GOOD HABITS. 149 
 
 looking, speaking, moving, or acting in any way different 
 when in the presence of others, especially those whose 
 opinion we regard and whose approbation we desire, from 
 what we should do in solitude, or in the presence of those 
 only whom we disregard, or who we think cannot injure 
 or benefit us. The motive for resisting affectation is, that 
 it is both unsuccessful and sinful. It always involves a 
 degree of hypocrisy, which is exceedingly offensive in 
 the sight of God, which is generally detected even by 
 men, and which, when detected, exposes its subject to 
 contempt which could never have been excited by the 
 mere absence of any quality or possession, as it is by 
 the false assumption of what is not real. The best cure"? 
 for affectation is the cultivation, on principle, of every ? 
 good, virtuous, and amiable habit and feeling, not for 
 the sake of being approved or admired, but because it is 
 right in itself and without considering what people will I 
 think of it. Thus a real character will be formed in- 
 stead of a part being assumed, and admiration and love 
 will be spontaneously bestowed where they are really de- 
 served. Artificial manners are easily seen through ; and 
 the result of such observations, however accomplished 
 and beautiful the object may be, is contempt for such lit- 
 tleness. 
 
 Many ladies, moving, too, in good society, will affect 
 a forward, bold manner, very disagreeable to persons of 
 sense. They will tell of their wondrous feats, when en- 
 gaged in pursuits only suited for men ; they will converse 
 in a loud, boisterous tone; laugh loudly; sing comic 
 songs, or dashing bravuras in a style only fit for the 
 stage or a gentleman's after-dinner party ; they will lay 
 
150 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 wagers, give broad hints and then brag of their success 
 in forcing invitations or presents ; interlard their conver 
 sation with slang words or phrases suited only to the 
 Stable or bar-room, and this they think is a dashing, fas- 
 cinating manner. It may be encouraged, admired, in 
 their presence, by gentlemen, and imitated by younger 
 ladies, but, be sure, it is looked upon with contempt, and 
 disapproval by every one of good sense, and that to per- 
 sons of real refinement it is absolutely disgusting. 
 
 Other ladies, taking quite as mistaken a view of real 
 refinement, will affect the most childish timidity, converse 
 only in whispers, move slowly as an invalid, faint at the 
 shortest notice, and on the slightest provocation ; be 
 easily moved to tears, and profess never to eat, drink, 
 or sleep. This course is as absurd as the other, and 
 much more troublesome, as everybody dreads the scene 
 which will follow any shock to the dear creature's nerVes, 
 and will be careful to avoid any dangerous topics. 
 
 Self-respect, and a proper deference for our superiors 
 in age or intellect, will be the best safeguards against 
 either a cringing or insolent manner. 
 
 'Without self-respect you will be apt to be both awk- 
 ward and bashful ; either of which faults are entirely in- 
 consistent with a graceful manner. Be careful that 
 while you have sufficient self-respect to make your man- 
 ner easy, it does not become arrogance and so engender 
 insolence. Avoid sarcasm; it will, unconsciously to 
 yourself, degenerate into pertness, and often downright 
 rudeness. Do not be afraid to speak candidly, but tem- 
 per candor with courtesy, and never let wit run into that 
 
POLITE DEPORTMENT, AND GOOD HABITS. 151 
 
 satire that will wound deeply, whilst it amuses only 
 slightly. 
 
 Let your carriage be at once dignified and graceful. 
 There are but few figures that will bear quick motion ; 
 with almost every one its effect is that of a jerk, a most 
 awkward movement. Let the feet, in walking or danc- 
 ing, be turned out slightly ; when you are seated, rest 
 them both on the floor or a footstool. To sit with the 
 knees or feet crossed or doubled up, is awkward and un- 
 lady-like. Carry your arms, in walking, easily; never 
 crossing them stiffly or swinging them beside you. When 
 seated, if you are not sewing or knitting, keep your 
 hands perfectly quiet. This, whilst one of the most dif- 
 ficult accomplishments to attain, is the surest mark of a 
 lady. Do not fidget, playing with your rings, brooch, 
 or any little article that may be near you ; let your hands 
 rest in an easy, natural position, perfectly quiet. 
 
 Never gesticulate when conversing ; it looks theatrical, 
 and is ill-bred; so are all contortions of the features, 
 shrugging of shoulders, raising of the eyebrows, or 
 hands. 
 
 When you open a conversation, do so with a slight 
 bow and smile, but be careful not to simper, and not to 
 smile too often % if the conversation becomes serious. 
 
 Never point. It is excessively ill-bred. 
 
 Avoid exclamations; they are in excessively bad taste, 
 and are apt to be vulgar words. A lady may express 
 as much polite surprise or concern by a few simple, 
 earnest w r ords, or in, her manner, as she can by exclaim- 
 ing " Good gracious !" " Mercy !'' or " Dear me I" 
 
 Remember that every part of your person an< dress 
 
152 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 should be in perfect order before you leave the dressing- 
 room, and avoid all such tricks as smoothing your hair 
 with your hand, arranging your curls, pulling the waist 
 of your dress down, or settling your collar or sleeves. 
 
 Avoid lounging attitudes, they are indelicate, except 
 in your own private apartment. Nothing but ill health 
 will excuse them before company, and a lady had better 
 keep her room if she is too feeble to sit up in the draw- 
 ing-room. 
 
 Let your deportment suit your age and figure ; to see 
 a tiny, fairy-like young girl, marching erect, stiff, and 
 awkwardly, like a soldier on parade, is not more absurd 
 than to see a middle-aged, portly woman, aping the 
 romping, hoydenish manners of a school-girl. 
 
 Let the movements be easy and flexible, and accord 
 with the style of the lady. 
 
 Let your demeanor be always marked by modesty and 
 simplicity ; as soon as you become forward or affected, 
 you have lost your greatest charm of manner. 
 
 You should be quite as anxious to talk with propriety 
 as you are to think, work, sing, paint, or write, accord- 
 ing to the most correct rules. 
 
 Always select words calculated to convey an exact im- 
 pression of your meaning. 
 
 Let your articulation be easy, clear, correct in accent, 
 and suited in tone and emphasis to your discourse. 
 
 Avoid a muttering, mouthing, stuttering, droning, 
 guttural, nasal, or lisping, pronunciation. 
 
 Let your speech be neither too loud nor too low ; but 
 adjusted to tne ear of your companion. Try to prevent 
 the necessity of any person crying, " What?" What? ' 
 
POLITE DEPORTMENT, AND GOOD HABITS. 153 
 
 Avoid a loquacious propensity ; you should never oc- 
 cupy more than your share of the time, or more than is 
 agreeable to others. 
 
 Beware of such vulgar interpolations as ii You know," 
 " You see," " I'll tell you what.V 
 
 Pay a strict regard to the rules of grammar, even in 
 private conversation. If you do not understand these 
 rules, learn them, whatever be your age or station. 
 
 Though you should always speak pleasantly, do not 
 mix your conversation with loud bursts of laughter. 
 
 Never indulge in uncommon words, or in Latin and 
 French phrases, but choose the best understood terms to 
 express your meaning. 
 
 Above all, let your conversation be intellectual, grace- 
 ful, chaste, discreet, edifying, and profitable. 
 
CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 CONDUCT IN CHURCH. 
 
 IN entering a church of a different denomination froir 
 the one you have been in the habit of frequenting, ask 
 the sexton to show you to a seat. It is the height of 
 rudeness to enter a pew without invitation, as the owner 
 may desire, if her family do not require all the seats, to 
 invite her own personal friends to take the vacant places. 
 If you are not perfectly familiar with the manner of 
 conducting the worship, observe those around you, rise, 
 kneel, and sit, as you see they do. It is a mark of dis- 
 respect for the pastor as well as irreverence for the Most 
 High, to remain seated through the whole service, unless 
 you are ill, or otherwise incapacitated from standing and 
 kneeling. 
 
 Enter the sacred edifice slowly, reverentially, and take 
 your seat quietly. It is not required of you to bow to 
 any friend you may see in passing up the aisle, as you 
 are supposed yourself to be, and suppose her to be en- 
 tirely absorbed in thought proper for the occasion. To 
 stare round the church, or if you are not alone, to whis- 
 per to your companion, is irreverent, indelicate, and 
 164 
 
CONDUCT IN CHURCH. 155 
 
 rude. If your own feelings will not prompt you to si- 
 lence and reverence, pay some regard to the feelings of 
 others. 
 
 Be careful not to appear to notice those around you. 
 If others are so rude as to talk or conduct improperly, 
 fix your own mind upon the worship which you come to 
 pay, and let the impertinence pass unheeded. 
 
 If there is another person in the same pew with your- 
 self, who, more familiar with the service, hands you the 
 book, or points out the place, acknowledge the civility 
 by a silent bow ; it is not necessary to speak. 
 
 In your own pew, extend this courtesy to a stranger 
 who may come in beside you, and even if it is a gentleman 
 you may, with perfect propriety, hand him a book, or, 
 if there is but one, offer him a share of your own. 
 
 Endeavor always to be in your seat before the service 
 commences, and after it is over do not hurry away, and, 
 above all, do not begin yoi\r preparations for departure, 
 by shutting up your book, or putting on any article of 
 dress you have removed, before the benediction. 
 
 If you are invited to accompany a friend to church, 
 be sure you are ready in good season, that you may not 
 keep her waiting when she calls, or cause her to lose 
 any part of the service by detaining her at your house. 
 If you invite a friend to take a seat in your pew, call for 
 her early, give her the most' comfortab" e place, and be 
 sure she has a prayer and hymn-book. 
 
 If you are invited to stand as god-mother to a friend's 
 child, be at the house of the parents in season to accom- 
 pany the family to church, and send, the day before, the 
 gift you design for the babe. A silver cup is the usual 
 
156 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 present, with your little namesake's initials, or full name, 
 engraved upon it. 
 
 In assisting at a wedding at church, if you are one of 
 the bridesmaids, wear white, a white bonnet but no veil. 
 If you occupy the first place, the bride's, it is in better 
 taste to be married in a simple dress and bonnet, 
 and don your full dress when you return home to re- 
 ceive your friends. In such ceremonies the wedding- 
 party all meet in the vestry, and go to the altar to- 
 gether.* 
 
 At a funeral, enter the church quietly, and, unless 
 you belong to the mourners, wait until they leave the 
 church before you rise from your seat. Never attempt 
 to speak to any of the afflicted family. However heart- 
 felt your sympathy, it will not be welcome at that time. 
 
 If, when entering a crowded church, a gentleman sees 
 you and offers his seat,.acknowledge his civility, whether 
 accepted or declined, by a bow, and a whispered " thank 
 you." Many, who claim the name of lady, and think 
 they are well-bred, will accept such an act of politeness 
 without making the slightest acknowledgement. If the 
 service has commenced, do not speak ; a courteous in- 
 clination of the head will convey your sense of obliga- 
 tion. 
 
 Remember, as an imperative, general rule, in what- 
 ever church you may be, whether at home or abroad, 
 conform to the mode of worship whilst you are in that 
 church. If you find, in these modes, forms which are 
 disagreeable to you, or which shock your own ideas of 
 
 * For further particulars, see chapter on Bridal Etiquette. 
 
CONDUCT IN CHURCH. 157 
 
 religion, avoid a second visit, but do not insult the con- 
 gregation, by showing your contempt or disapproval, 
 whilst you are among them. Silence, quiet attention, 
 and a grave, reverential demeanor, mark the Christian 
 lady in church. 
 
CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE. 
 FOR THE HOSTESS. 
 
 WHEN you have decided upon what evening you will 
 give your ball, send out your invitations, a fortnight be- 
 fore the evening appointed. To ladies, word them : 
 
 Mrs. L requests the pleasure of Miss G 's 
 
 company on Wednesday evening, Jan. 17th, at 9 o'clock. 
 
 Dancing. 
 The favor of an early answer is requested. 
 
 To gentlemen : 
 
 Mrs. L 's compliments to Mr. R for Wednes- 
 
 dny evening, Jan. 17th, at 9 o'clock. 
 
 Dancing. 
 The favor of an early answer is requested. 
 
 If you are unmarried, put your mother's name with 
 your own upon the cards. If you have a father or 
 grown-up brother, let the invitations to the gentlemen go 
 in his name. 
 158 
 
BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE. 159 
 
 In making your list for a ball, do not set down all of 
 your "dear five hundred friends." The middle-aged, 
 (unless they come as chaperons,) the serious, and the 
 Bober-minded, will not accept your invitation, and the 
 two last named may consider it insulting to be invited to 
 so frivolous an amusement. By the way, I do not agree 
 with the straight-laced people, who condemn all such 
 amusements. I agree with Madame Pilau. When the 
 cure' of her parish told her he was writing a series of 
 sermons against dancing, she said to him : 
 
 "You are talking of what you do not understand 
 You have never been to a ball, I have ; and I assure 
 you there is no sin in the matter worthy of mention or 
 notice." 
 
 If you really wish for dancing, you will accommodate 
 your guests to your rooms, inviting one third more than 
 they will hold, as about that number generally disappoint 
 a ball-giver. If you wish to have a rush of people, and 
 do not mind heat, crowding, and discomfort, to insure 
 an immense assembly, (a ball to be talked about for its 
 size only,) then you may invite every body who figures 
 upon your visiting list. 
 
 Over one hundred is a "large ball," under that a 
 "ball," unless there are less than fifty guests, when it is 
 merely a "dance." 
 
 The directions given in chapter 5th for the arrange- 
 ment of the dressing-rooms will apply here, but your 
 parlor, or ball room, requires some attention. Have the 
 carpets taken up two days before the evening of the ball, 
 and the floor waxed. A smooth, polished floor is an ab- 
 eolute necessity for pleasant dancing. At one end of 
 
160 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 your ball room, have a space partitioned off fcr the mu- 
 sicians. Leave, for their use, plenty of room, as silence 
 or discord will come from a crowded orchestra. If your 
 Louse is double, and you use the rooms on each side, 
 place the musicians in the hall. 
 
 Four pieces of music is enough for a private ball, un- 
 less your rooms are very large. For one room a piano, 
 violin, and violincello makes a good band. 
 
 You must have your rooms well ventilated if you wish 
 to avoid fainting and discomfort. 
 
 To secure a really brilliant ball, pay considerable at- 
 tention to the arrangement of your ball room. In Paris 
 this arrangement consists in turning the room, for the 
 evening, into a perfect garden. Every corner is filled 
 with flowers. Wreaths, bouquets, baskets, and flowering- 
 plants in moss-covered pots. With brilliant light, arid 
 taste in the details of arranging them, this profusion of 
 flowers produces an exquisitely beautiful effect, and har- 
 monizes perfectly with the light dresses, cheerful faces, 
 and gay music. The pleasure of your guests, as well as 
 the beauty of the rooms, will be increased by the ele- 
 gance of your arrangements; their beauty will be 
 heightened by brilliant light, and by judicious manage- 
 ment a scene of fairy-like illusion may be produced. 
 
 Not only in the ball room itself, but in the hall, supper- 
 room, and dressing-rooms, place flowers. A fine effect 
 is produced, by placing a screen, covered with green and 
 flowers, before the space set apart for the musicians. 
 To hear the music proceeding from behind this floral em 
 bankment, and yet have the scraping and puffing men 
 invisible, adds very much to the illusion of the scene. 
 
BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE. 161 
 
 In the dressing-rooms have, at least, two servants for 
 each. Let them take the cloaks and hoods, and put a 
 numbered ticket upon each bundle, handing the duplicate 
 number to the lady or gentleman owning it. 
 
 It is best to have the supper-room upon the same floor 
 as the ball room. The light dresses, worn upon such oc- 
 casions, suffer severely in passing up and down a crowded 
 staircase. 
 
 Have a number of double cards written or printed 
 with a list of the dances, arranged in order, upon one 
 side, and a space for engagements upon the other. At- 
 tach a small pencil to each. Let a waiter stand at the 
 entrance to the ball room, and hand a card to each guest 
 as they pass in. 
 
 The first strain of music must be a march ; then fol- 
 lows a quadrille, then a waltz. Other dances follow in 
 any order you prefer until the fourteenth, which should 
 be the march which announces supper. If you throw 
 open the supper-room, early, and the guests go out when 
 they wish, the march may be omitted. Twenty-one to 
 twenty-four dances are sufficient. Have an interval of 
 ten minutes after each one. 
 
 The supper-room should be thrown open at midnight, 
 and remain open until your last guest has departed. 
 Let it be brilliantly lighted, and have plenty of waiters 
 in attendance. 
 
 There can be no rule laid down for the supper; It 
 may be hot or heavily iced. It may consist entirely of 
 confectionary, or it may include the bill of fare for a 
 hotel table. One rule you must observe ; have abun- 
 dance of everything. Other entertainments may be 
 11 
 
162 LADEES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 given upon economical principles, but a ball cannot 
 Light, attendance, supper, every detail must be carefully 
 attended to. and a ball must be an expensive luxury. 
 
 At a "ball-supper every one stands up. The waiters 
 will hand refreshment from the tables to the gentlemen, 
 who, in turn, wait upon the ladies. 
 
 You must bring forth your whole array of smiles, 
 when you perform the part of hostess in a ball room. 
 As your guests will come dropping in at all hours, you 
 must hover near the door to greet each one entering. 
 There will be many strangers amongst the gentlemen. 
 Miss G. will bring her fiancee. Miss L., her brother, 
 just returned, after ten years' absence, from India. 
 Miss R. introduces her cousin, in the city for a week. 
 Miss M., as a belle, will, perhaps, take the liberty of 
 telling some ten or twelve of her most devoted admirers 
 where she may be seen on the evening of your ball, and, 
 though strangers, they will, one after another, bow over 
 your hand.- To each and every one you must extend 
 the amiable greeting due to an invited guest. If you 
 are the only lady of the house, your duties will, indeed, 
 be laborious. You must be everywhere at the same mo- 
 ment. Not a guest must pass unwelcomed. You must 
 introduce partners to all the wall-flowers. You must see 
 that every set is made up before the music commences. 
 Each guest must be introduced to a proper partner for 
 every dance, and not one frown, one pettish word, one 
 look of fatigue, one sigh of utter weariness must disturb 
 your smiling serenity. You must be ready to chat cheer- 
 fully with every bore who detains you, when crossing the 
 room, to make up a set of quadrilles in a minute's time j 
 
BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE. 161 
 
 listen patiently to the sighing lover, whose fair one is 
 engaged fifty times during twenty dances ; secure a good 
 dancer for each longing belle; do the same for the beaux; 
 yet you must never be hurried, worried, or fatigued. 
 
 If there are several ladies, a mother and two or three 
 daughters, for instance, divide the duties. Let one re- 
 ceive the guests, another arrange the sets, a third intro- 
 duce couples, and a fourth pair off the talkers. A 
 brother or father will be a treasure in a bail room, as 
 the standing of sets can be better managed by a gentle- 
 man than a lady. 
 
 None of the ladies who give the ball should dance 
 until every fair guest has a partner. 
 
 One of your duties will be to see that no young ladies 
 lose their supper for want of an escort, to ask them to go 
 out. You may give the hint to an intimate gentleman 
 friend, if there is no brother or father to take the duty, 
 introduce him to the disconsolate damsel, and send her 
 off happy. If all the guests go to the supper-room 
 when it is first thrown open, you must be the last to leave 
 the ball room. For the hostess to take the lead to the 
 Supper-room, leaving her guests to pair off, and follow 
 as they please, is in very bad taste. 
 
 If you announce supper by a march, many of your 
 guests will remain in the ball room, to promenade, avoid 
 the crowd at the first table, and indulge in a tete-^-tete 
 conversation. These will afterwards go out, in pairs, 
 when the first crush in the refreshment-room is over. 
 
 If, by accident or negligence,' you miss an introduction 
 to any of your gentlemen guests, you may still speak to 
 
164 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 them if you wish. It is your privilege as hostess to in- 
 troduce yourself, and invite any gentleman to dance with 
 you, or offer to introduce him to a partner. In the latter 
 case he ought to mention his name, but if he omits to 
 do so, you may ask it. 
 
 There has been a custom introduced in some of our 
 large cities lately, which is an admirable one for a pri- 
 vate bajl. It is to hire, for the evening, a public hall. 
 This includes the dressing-room, supper-room, every 
 comfort, and saves you from the thousand annoyances 
 which are certain to follow a ball in a private house. 
 You hire the hall and other rooms, the price including 
 light, hire a band of music, and order a supper at a con- 
 fectioners, hiring from his establishment all the china, 
 glass, and silver you will want. In this case you must 
 enclose in every invitation a ticket to admit your friend's 
 party, to prevent loungers from the street coming in ? un- 
 invited. 
 
 You will, perhaps, find the actual outlay of money 
 greater, when you thus hire your ball room, but you will 
 save more than the difference in labor, annoyance, and 
 the injury to your house. You secure a better room 
 than any parlor, you have the floor waxed and polished 
 without the trouble of taking up your carpets. You 
 save all the dreadful labor of cleaning up the house the 
 next day, as well as that of preparation. 
 
 You can, if you wish, invite a few friends to a late 
 dinner with you, and all proceed to the ball room to- 
 gether. You must be the first to enter the room, the 
 last to leave it, and every duty is the same as if you 
 
BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE. 165 
 
 were at home, the ball room is, in fact, your own house, 
 for the evening. 
 
 If you wish your guests to come in costume for a 
 fancy ball, name the character of the entertainment in 
 your invitation. 
 
CHAPTER XIX, 
 
 BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE. 
 FOR THE GUEST. 
 
 As IN every other case where hospitality is extended 
 to you by invitation, you must send your answer as soon 
 as possible, accepting or declining the civility. 
 
 In preparing a costume for a ball, choose something 
 very light. Heavy, dark silks are out of place in a ball 
 room, and black should be worn in no material but lace. 
 For a married lady, rich silk of some light color, trimmed 
 with flowers, lace, or tulle ; white silk plain, or lace over 
 satin, make an exquisite toilette. Jewels are perfectly 
 appropriate ; also feathers in the coiffure. 
 
 For the young lady, pure white or light colors should 
 be worn, and the most appropriate dress is of some thin 
 material made over silk, white, or the same color as the 
 outer dress. Satin or velvet are -entirely out of place ou 
 a young lady. Let the coiffure be of flowers or ribbons, 
 never feathers, and but very little jewelry is becoming to 
 an unmarried lady. All ladies must wear boots or slip- 
 pers of satin, white, black, or the color of the dress. 
 
 White are the most appropriate- black, the most becoming 
 166 
 
BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE. 167 
 
 to the foot. White kid gloves, full trimmed, a fine lace 
 trimmed handkerchief, and a fan, are indispensable. Be 
 very careful, when dressing for a ball, that the hair is 
 firmly fastened, and the coiffure properly adjusted. 
 Nothing is more annoying than to have the hair loosen 
 or the head-dress fall off in a crowded ball room. 
 
 Your first duty, upon entering the room, is to speak 
 to your hostess. After a few words of greeting, turn to 
 the other guests. 
 
 At a private ball, no lady will refuse an introduction 
 to a gentleman. It is an insult to her hostess, implying 
 that her guests are not gentlemen. It is optional with 
 the lady whether to continue or drop the acquaintance 
 after the ball is over, but for that evening, however dis- 
 agreeable, etiquette requires her to accept him for one 
 dance, if she is disengaged, and her hostess requests it. 
 At a public ball, it is safest to decline all introductions 
 made by the master of ceremonies, though, as before, 
 such acquaintances are not binding after the evening is 
 over. 
 
 Be very careful how you refuse to dance with a gen- 
 tleman. A prior engagement will, of course, excuse 
 you, but if you plead fatigue, or really feel it, do not 
 dance the set with another gentleman ; it is most insult- 
 ing, though sometimes done. On the other hand, be 
 careful that you do not engage yourself twice for the 
 same quadrille. In a polka or valse, you may do this, 
 Baying, "I will dance the second half with you, but have 
 a prior engagement for the first." Then, after a few 
 rounds with your first partner, say to him that you are 
 
168 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 engaged for the remainder of the dance, resume your 
 seat, and your second partner will seek you. 
 
 Let your manner in a ball room be quiet. It looks 
 very badly to see a lady endeavoring to attract attention 
 by her boisterous manner, loud talking, or over-active 
 dancing. Do riot drag through dances as if you found 
 them wearisome ; it is an insult to your partner, but 
 while you are cheerful and animated, be lady-like and 
 dignified in your deportment. 
 
 At the end of each dance, your partner will offer his 
 arm, and conduct you to a seat ; then bow, and release 
 him from further attendance, as he may be engaged for 
 the next dance. 
 
 When invited to dance, hand your ball card to the 
 gentleman, who will put his name in one of the vacant 
 places. 
 
 If you wish to go to the supper-room, accept the invi- 
 tation that will be made, after the dances whilst it is 
 open, but do not remain there long. You may be keep- 
 ing your escort from other engagements. 
 
 If you are accompanied by a gentleman, besides your 
 father or brother, remember he has the right to the first 
 dance, and also will expect to take you in to supper. 
 Do not let any one else- interfere with his privilege. 
 
 If you wish, during the evening, to go to the dressing- 
 room to arrange any part of your dress, request the gen- 
 tleman with whom you are dancing to escort you there. 
 He will wait for you at the door, and take you back to 
 the ball-room. Do not detain him any longer than is 
 necessary Never leave the ball room, for any such pur 
 pose, alone, as there are always gentlemen near and 
 
B^LL ROOM ETIQUETTE. 169 
 
 round the door, and it looks very badly to see a lady, 
 unattended, going through a crowd of gentlemen. 
 
 It is best at a ball, to dance only every other dance, 
 as over-fatigue, and probably a flushed face, will follow 
 too much dancing. Decline the intermediate ones, on 
 the plea of fatigue, or fear of fatigue. 
 
 Never go into the supper-room with the same gentle 
 man twice You may go more than once, if you wish 
 for an ice or glass of water, (surely no lady wants two 
 or three suppers,} but do not tax the same gentleman 
 more than once, even if he invites you after each dance. 
 
 No lady of taste will carry on a flirtation in a ball 
 room, so as to attract remark. Be careful, unless you 
 wish your name coupled with his, how you dance too 
 often with the same gentleman. 
 
 If you are so unfortunate as, forgetting a prior en- 
 gagement, to engage yourself to two gentlemen for the 
 same dance, decline dancing it altogether, or you will 
 surely offend one of them. 
 
 Never press forward to take the lead in a quadrille, 
 and if others, not understanding the figures, make con- 
 fusion, try to get through without remark. It is useless 
 to attempt to teach them, as the music, and other sets, 
 will finish the figure long before you can teach and dance 
 it. Keep your temper, refrain from all remark, and en- 
 deavor to make your partner forget, in your cheerful 
 conversation, the annoyances of the dance. 
 
 There is much that is exhilarating in the atmosphere 
 of a ball room. The light, music, company, and even 
 dancing itself, are all conducive to high spirits ; be care- 
 
170 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 ful that this flow of spirits does not lead you- into hoy 
 denism and rudeness. Guard your actions and your 
 tongue, that you may leave the room as quietly and 
 gracefully as you enter it. 
 
 Avoid confidential conversation in a ball room. It ia 
 out of season, and in excessively bad taste. 
 
 Be modest and reserved, but avoid bashfulness. It 
 looks like a school-girl, and is invariably awkward. 
 
 Never allow your partner, though he* may be your 
 most intimate friend, to converse in a low tone, or in any 
 way assume a confidential or lover-like air at a ball. It 
 is in excessively bad taste, and gives annoyance fre- 
 quently, as others suppose such low-toned remarks may 
 refer to them. 
 
 Dance as others do. It has a very absurd look to 
 take every step with dancing-school accuracy, and your 
 partner will be the* first one to notice it. A quadrille 
 takes no more steps than a graceful walk. 
 
 Never stand up to dance in a quadrille, unless you are 
 perfectly familiar with the figures, depending upon your 
 partner to lead you through. You will probably cause 
 utter confusion in the set, annoy the others forming it, 
 and make yourself appear absurd. 
 
 No young lady should go to a ball, without the pro 
 tection of a married lady, or an elderly gentleman. 
 
 Never cross a ball room alone. 
 
 Never remain in a ball room until all the company 
 have left it, or even until the last set. It is ill-bred, and 
 looks as if you were unaccustomed to such pleasures, and 
 so desirous to prolong each one. Leave while there are 
 
BALL ROOM ETIQUETTE. 171 
 
 Btili cwo or three sets to be danced. Do not accept any 
 invitation for these late dances, as the gentleiuan who 
 invites you may find out your absence too late to take 
 another partner, and you will thus deprive him of the 
 pleasure of dancing. 
 
CHAPTER XX. 
 
 PLACES OF AMUSEMENT 
 
 Do NOT accept an invitation to visit any place of public 
 amusement, with a gentleman with whom you are but 
 slightly acquainted, unless there is another lady also in- 
 vited. You may, as a young lady, go with a relative or 
 your fiancde, without a chaperon, but not otherwise. 
 
 Having received an invitation which it is proper for 
 you to accept, write an answer immediately, appointing 
 an hour for your escort to call for you, and be sure that 
 you are ready in good season. To arrive late is not only 
 annoying to those near your seat, whom you disturb 
 when you enter, but it is ill-bred ; you will be supposed 
 to be some one who is unable to come -early, instead of 
 appearing as a lady who is mistress of her own time. 
 
 If the evening is cloudy, or it rains, your escort will 
 probably bring a carriage ; and let me say a few words 
 here about entering and leaving a carriage. 
 
 How to get in is difficult, but of less importance than 
 getting out ; because if you stumble in, no one sees you, 
 but some one who may happen to be in the carriage ; 
 but how to get out is so important, that I will illustrate 
 
 it by a short diplomatic anecdote : 
 172 
 
PLACES OF AMUSEMENT. 
 
 " The Princess of Hesse-Darmstadt," says M. Mercy 
 d'Argenteau, an ambassador of the last century, " having 
 been desired by the Empress of Austria to bring her 
 three daughters to court, in order that her Imperial 
 Majesty might choose one of them for a wife to one of 
 her sons, drove up in her coach to the palace gate. 
 Scarcely had they entered the presence, when, before 
 even speaking to them, the empress went up to the second 
 daughter, and, taking her by the hand, said, 1 1 choose 
 this young lady.' The mother, astonished at the sud- 
 lenness of her choice, inquired what had actuated it. 
 ' I watched the young ladies 'get out of their carriage/ 
 said the empress. ' Your eldest daughter stepped on her 
 dress, and only saved herself from falling by an awkward" 
 scramble ; the youngest jumped from the coach to the 
 ground, without touching the steps ; the second, just 
 lifting her dress in front, so as she descended to show 
 the point of her shoe, calmly stepped from the carriage 
 to the ground, neither hurriedly nor stiffly, but with 
 grace and dignity : she is fit to be an empress ; her eldest 
 sister is too awkward, her youngest too wild.' ' 
 
 THE THEATRE. Here you must wear your bonnet, 
 though you may throw aside your cloak or shawl, if you 
 desire it. Your escort will pass to your seats first, and 
 "then turn and offer his hand to lead you to your own. 
 Once seated, give your attention entirely to the actors 
 whilst the curtain is up to your companion when it is 
 down. 
 
 Do not look round the house with your glass. A 
 lady's deportment should be very modest in a theatre. 
 Avoid carefully every motion or gesture that will attract 
 
174 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 attention. To flirt a fan, converse in whispers, indulge 
 in extravagant gestures of merriment or admiration, 
 laugh loudly or clap your hands together, are all exces- 
 sively vulgar and unlady-like. Never turn your head to 
 look at those seated behind you, or near you. 
 
 If you speak to your companion while the curtain is 
 up, lower your voice, that you may not disturb others 
 interested in the conversation on the stage. 
 
 THE OPERA. Here you should wear full dress, an 
 opera cloak, and either a head-dress, or dressy bonnet 
 of some thin material. Your gloves must be of kid, 
 white, or some very light tint to suit your dress. Many 
 dresF for the opiera, as they would for the theatre ; but 
 the beauty of the house is much enhanced by each lady 
 contributing her full dress toilette to the general effect. 
 
 If you go to the dressing-room, leave your hood and 
 shawl in the care of the w<Tman in waiting, whom you 
 must fee when she returns them to you. 
 
 If you do not wish to go to the dressing-room, allow 
 your escort to take off your shawl or cloak, and throw it 
 over the back of the seat. As your opera cloak must be 
 light enough to keep on all the evening, though you may 
 throw it open, you must wear over it a heavier cloak or 
 a shawl. Throw this off in the lobby, just before you 
 enter your box. Your gloves you must keep on all the 
 evening. 
 
 Avoid handling the- play bills, as the printing ink will 
 soil your gloves in a few minutes, making your hands 
 appear very badly for the rest of the evening. 
 
 You should be in your seat at the opera before thw 
 overture commences. 
 
PLACES OF AMUSEMENT. 175 
 
 Never converse during the performance. Even the 
 lowest toned remark will disturb a real lover of music, 
 and these will be near you on all sides. Exclamations 
 of admiration, "Exquisite!" "Beautiful!" or "Lovely !" 
 are in the worst taste. Show your appreciation by quiet 
 attention to every note, and avoid every exclamation or 
 gesture. 
 
 In our new opera houses there are rooms for prom- 
 enade, and between the acts your escort may invite you 
 to walk there. You may accept the invitation with per- 
 fect propriety. He will leave the box first and then 
 offer his hand to you. In the lobby take his arm, and 
 keep it until you return to the box. If you have taken 
 your cloak or shawl- to your seat, leave them there during 
 your promenade. Return to your seat when the gong 
 sounds the recall, that you may not disturb others after 
 the next act commences. ' 
 
 In walking up and down in the promenading saloon, 
 you may pass arid repass friends. Bow the first time 
 you meet them, but not again. 
 
 If you meet your gentlemen friends there, bow, but 
 do not stop to speak. They may join you for once 
 round the room, then allow them to leave you. Your 
 escort will feel justly offended if you allow any other 
 gentlemen to engross your attention entirely when he 
 has invited you to the entertainment. 
 
 CONCERTS Here, as at the opera, you may wear a 
 bonnet or not, as you will. Go early to the hall, unless 
 you have secured a. seat, and then, be in time for tho 
 first song. If you are unavoidably late, enter quietly, 
 and take a seat near the door. It is very rude to push 
 
176 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 forward to the front of the hall, and either crowd thosa 
 upon the tenches, or force some gentleman to offer you 
 his place. If the hall is so crowded that even the back 
 seats are full, and a gentleman offers you his place, you 
 should thank him before accepting it. 
 
 Again, I repeat, do not converse, or disturb those 
 around you by exclamations or gesticulations. 
 
 LECTURES Two ladies may attend a lecture, unac- 
 companied by a gentleman, without attracting attention. 
 
 The dress, bonnet, and cloak, worn in the street, 
 should be worn in a lecture-room, as these are, by no 
 means, occasions for full dress. 
 
 If you return at an early hour from any place of 
 amusement, invite your escort into the house upon your 
 arrival there, and lay aside your bonnet and shawl. If 
 you keep them on, he will conclude that you expect him 
 to shorten his visit. If it is late when you reach home, 
 he will probably decline your invitation to enter. If, 
 however, he accepts it, do not lay aside your shawl, and 
 he will soon leave you. 
 
 If he asks permission to call in the morning, you must, 
 unless prevented by an imperative engagement, remain 
 at home to see him. 
 
 Upon your way home from the theatre, concert, or 
 opera, speak warmly of the pleasure of the evening, and, 
 at parting, thank him for that pleasure. Show by your 
 manner that you have heartily enjoyed the entertainment 
 you owe to his civility. If you are weary, do not allow 
 him to see it. If disappointed, conceal that also. You 
 will be able to find some good points in the performance; 
 speak of these and ignore the bad ones." 
 
PLACES OF AMUSEMENT. 177 
 
 If at the theatre, opera, or in a concert-room, you see 
 an acquaintance, you are not expected to recognize her, 
 unless near enough to speak. A lady must not bow to 
 any one, e^eo her own sister, across a theatre or concert- 
 room. 
 
 12 
 
CHAPTER XXI 
 
 ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 
 
 IK the present age, when education is within the reach 
 of all, both rich and poor, every lady will endeavor to 
 become, not only well educated, but accomplished. It is 
 not, as some will assert, a waste of time or money. Not 
 only the fingers, voice, and figure are improved, but the 
 heart and intellect will become refined, and the happiness 
 greatly increased. 
 
 Take the young lady, after a solid basis has been laid 
 in her mind of the more important branches of education, 
 and rear upon that basis the structure of lighter educa- 
 tion the accomplishments. To cultivate these, disre- 
 garding the more solid information, is to build your castle 
 without any foundation, and make it, not only absurd, 
 but unsteady. The pleasure of hearing from a lady a 
 cavatina executed in the most finished manner, will be 
 entirely destroyed, if her first spoken words after the 
 performance are vulgar, or her sentence ungrammatical. 
 
 A lady without her piano, or her pencil, her library 
 of French, .German, or Italian authors, her fancy work 
 and tasteful embroideries, is now rarely met with, and it 
 
 is right that such arts should be universal. No woman 
 178 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 179 
 
 is fitted for society until she dances well; for home, 
 unless she is perfect mistress of needlework ; for 
 her own enjoyment, unless she has at least one accom- 
 plishment to occupy thoughts and fingers in her hours of 
 leisure. 
 
 First upon the list of accomplishments, comes the art 
 f conversing well. It is always ready. Circumstances 
 in society will constantly throw you into positions where 
 you can use no other accomplishment. You will not 
 have a musical instrument within reach, singing would be 
 out of place, your fancy work at home, on many occa- 
 sions, and then you can exert your most fascinating as 
 well as useful accomplishment, the art of conversing 
 well. 
 
 Little culture, unfortunately, is bestowed upon this 
 accomplishment, which, beyond all others, promotes the 
 happiness of home, enlivens society, and improves the 
 minds of both speaker and listener. How many ex- 
 cellent women are deficient in the power of expressing 
 t'u-inselves well, or, indeed, of expressing themselves at 
 all! How many minds "cream and mantle" from the 
 want of energy to pour themselves out in words ! On 
 the other hand, how some, equally well-intentioned, 
 drown the very senses in their torrent of remarks, which 
 dashes, like a water-fall, into a sombre pool of ennui 
 below ! 
 
 One lady will enter society, well-dressed, well-looking, 
 polite ; she does not intend to chill it by her presence ; 
 yut her absence is found a relief. She takes her place 
 as if she considered it sufficient to dress and look well. 
 She brings no stock to the community of ideas. Her 
 
J80 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 eyes return no response to the discourse which is going 
 on. When you have once glanced at her, she become? 
 a mere expletive in .the company. 
 
 Another one will be found a talker. She is like a ca- 
 nary bird ; when others begin to speak, she hurries in 
 her remarks, in an accompaniment. Her voice must be 
 uppermost ; conversation becomes a contest who can 
 speak the most rapidly. The timid and modest retire 
 from the encounter she has the field to herself. She 
 goes on, without mercy ; the voice of a syren would fa- 
 tigue, if heard continually. Others revolt at the injustice 
 of the monopoly, and the words fall on ears that would 
 be deaf if they could. 
 
 These are extreme cases ; there are many other minor 
 errors. The higher qualities of conversation must un- 
 doubtedly be based upon the higher qualities of the 
 mind ; then it is, indeed, a privilege to commune with 
 others. 
 
 To acquire the power of thus imparting the highest 
 pleasure by conversational powers, attention must be paid 
 to literature. I am supposing the solid foundation of a 
 good education already laid, but by literature, I do not 
 mean only that class of it which is taught at school. 
 
 Reading, at the present day, is too much confined to 
 light literature. I would not speak against this. The 
 modern novels, and the poets of all ages, are good read- 
 ing, but let them be taken in moderation, and varied by 
 something more solid. Let them be the dessert to the 
 more substantial dinner of history, travels, and works of 
 a like nature. 
 
 Independent of the strength and polish given to the 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 181 
 
 mind by a thorough course of reading, there is another 
 reason "why a lady should devote some portion of her 
 time to it ; she cannot do without it. She may, lacking 
 this, pass through life respectably, even elegantly ; but 
 she cannot take her part in a communing with superior 
 minds: she may enjoy, in wondering, the radiance of 
 their intelligence ; but the wondering must be composed, 
 in part, of amazement at her own folly, in not having 
 herself sought out the treasure concealed in the fathom- 
 less depths of books. She cannot truly enjoy society, 
 with this art neglected. She may, for a few brief years, 
 be the ornament of the drawing-room ; but it must .be, 
 like many other ornaments there, in still life ; she can 
 never be the companion of the intellectual ; and the time 
 is gone by, when women, with all their energies excited, 
 will be contented to be the mere plaything of brother, 
 husband, or father. 
 
 Still it is not to the erudite, nor to the imaginative 
 only, that it is given to please in conversation. 
 
 The art of imparting our ideas easily and elegantly to 
 others, may be improved by ourselves, if there are op- 
 portunities of mingling in good society, with little study. 
 "The mind must first be cultivated; but it should not 
 abash those who are conscious of moderate talents, or 
 imperfect cultivation, from taking a due part in conver- 
 sation, on account of their inferiority. It is a very dif- 
 ferent thing to shine and to please ; to shine in society 
 is more frequently attempted than compassed : to please 
 is in the power of all. The effort to shine, when fruit- 
 less, brings a certain disgrace, and engenders mortifica- 
 tion ; all good people are inclined to take the will for the 
 
182 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 deed, when they see a desire to please. A gentle, defer- 
 ential, kind manner, will disarm even the most discerning 
 from criticising too severely the deficiencies of the inex- 
 perienced : confidence, disrespect of others, volubility, 
 eagerness to dispute, must irritate the self-love of others, 
 and produce an averseness to acknowledge talent or in- 
 formation, where they may even happen to exist. 
 
 It is wiser and safer for a young lady, in general, to 
 observe the good, old-fashioned rule of being addressed 
 first ; but then she must receive the address readily, 
 meeting it half way, repaying it by enlarging a little 
 upon the topic thus selected, arid not sinking into a dull 
 silence, the moment after a reply is given. Some young 
 ladies start, as if thunderstruck, when spoken to, and 
 stare as if the person who pays them that attention, had 
 no right to awaken them from their reverie.' Others 
 look affronted, possibly from shyness, and begin a de- 
 rogatory attack upon the beauty of their dress by twitch- 
 ing the front breadth or move from side to side, in evi- 
 dent distress and consternation. Time remedies these 
 defects ; but there is one less curable and less endurable 
 that of pertness and flippancy the loud remarks and 
 exclamations the look of self-sufficiency and confidence. 
 But these offensive manifestations spring from some pre 
 vious and deep-seated defects of character, and are only 
 to be repelled by what, I fear, they will frequently 'en- 
 counter the mortification of inspiring disgust. 
 
 Neither is the lengthy, prosy, didactic reply, consis* 
 tent with the submission and simplicity of youth ; ego- 
 tism, and egotism once removed, that is, the bringing 
 into the topic one's own family and relations, are also 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 183 
 
 antidotes to the true spirit of conversation. In general, 
 it is wiser, more in good taste, safer, more becoming, 
 certainly more in accordance with good breeding, to 
 avoid talking of persons. There are many snares in 
 such topics ; not merely the danger of calumniating, but 
 that of engendering a slippery conscience in matters of 
 fact. A young girl, shy and inexpert, states a circum- 
 stance ; she feels her deficiency as a narrator, for the 
 power of telling a story, is a power to be acquired only 
 by practice. She is sometimes tempted to heighten a 
 little the incidents, in order to get on a little better, and 
 to make more impression. She must of course defend 
 her positions, and then she perils the sanctity of truth. 
 Besides, few things narrow the intellect more than 
 dwelling on the peculiarities, natural or incidental, of 
 that small coterie of persons who constitute our world. 
 It is, in general, a wise rule, and one which will tend 
 much to insure your comfort through life, to avoid dis- 
 closures to others of family affairs. I do not mean to 
 recommend reserve, or art ; to friends and relations, too 
 great frankness can hardly be practised ; but, with ac- 
 quaintance, the less our own circumstances are discussed, 
 the happier, and the more dignified will our commerce 
 with them continue. On the same principle, let the con- 
 cerns of others be touched upon with delicacy, or, if pos- 
 sible, passed over in silence ; more especially those 
 details which relate to strictly personal or family affairs. 
 Public deeds are, of course, public property. But per- 
 sonal affairs are private; and there is a want of true 
 good breeding, a want of consideration and deference, in 
 
184 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 speaking freely of them, even if your friend is uncon- 
 scious of the liberty taken. 
 
 It seems paradoxical to observe that the art of listen 
 ing well forms a part of the duty of conversation. To 
 give up the whole of your attention to the person who 
 addresses himself to you, is sometimes a heavy tax, but 
 it is one which we must pay for the privileges of social 
 life, and an early practice will render it an almost in- 
 voluntary act of good breeding; whilst consideration for 
 others will give this little sacrifice a merit and a charm. 
 
 To listen well is to make an unconscious advance in 
 the power of conversing. In listening we perceive in 
 what the interest, in what the failure of others consists ; 
 we become, too, aware of our own deficiencies, without 
 having them taught through the medium of humiliation. 
 We find ourselves often more ignorant than we could 
 have supposed possible. We learn, by a very moderate 
 attention to the sort of topics which please, to form a 
 style of our own. The "art of conversation" is an un- 
 pleasant phrase. The power of conversing well is least 
 agreeable when it assumes the character of an art. 
 
 In listening, a well-bred lady will gently sympathize 
 with the speaker ; or, if needs must be, differ, as gently. 
 Much character is shown in the act of listening. Some 
 people appear to be in a violent hurry whilst another 
 speaks ; they hasten on the person who addresses them, 
 as one would urge on a horse with incessant " Yes, yes, 
 very good indeed proceed !" Others sit, on the full 
 stare, eyes fixed as those of an owl, upon the speaker. 
 Others will receive every observation with a little hys- 
 terical giggle. 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 186 
 
 But all these vices of manner may be avoided by a 
 gentle attention and a certain calm dignity of manner, 
 based upon a reflective, cultivated mind. 
 
 Observation, reading, and study, will form the ground- 
 work for good powers of conversation, and the more you 
 read, study, and see, the more varied and interesting 
 will be your topics. 
 
 A young lady should consider music as one branch of 
 her education, inferior, in importance, to most of those 
 studies which are pointed out to her, but attainable in a 
 sufficient degree by the aid of time, perseverance, and a 
 moderate degree of instruction. Begun early, and pur- 
 sued steadily, there is ample leisure in youth for the at- 
 tainment of a science, which confers more cheerfulness, 
 and brings more pleasure than can readily be con- 
 ceived. 
 
 A young lady should be able to play with taste, cor- 
 rectness, and readiness, upon the general principle that 
 a well educated woman should do all things well. This, 
 I should suppose, is in the power of most persons ; and 
 it may be attained without loss of health, of time, or 
 any sacrifice of an important nature. She should con- 
 sider it as an advantage, a power to be employed for the 
 gratification of others, and to be indulged with modera- 
 tion and good sense for her own resource, as a change 
 of occupation. 
 
 Consider in this light, music is what Providence in- 
 tended it to be a social blessing. The whole creation 
 is replete with music, a benignant Power has made the 
 language of the feathered tribe harmony; let us not sup 
 
186 * ABIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 pose that lie condemns his other creatures to silence in 
 the song. 
 
 Music has an influence peculiar to itself. It can allay 
 the irritation of the mind ; it cements families, and 
 makes a home, which might sometimes be monotonous, a 
 scene of pleasant excitement. Pursued as a recreation, 
 it is gentle, 'rational, lady -like. Followed as a sole ob- 
 ject, it loses its charm, because we perceive it is then 
 over-rated. The young lady who comes modestly for- 
 ward, when called upon as a performer, would cease to 
 please, were she, for an instant, to assume the air and 
 confidence of a professional musician. There is a cer- 
 tain style and manner confined now to second-rate per- 
 formers, for the highest and most esteemed dispense with 
 it there is an effort and a dash, which disgust in the 
 lady who has bad taste enough to assume them. 
 
 And, whilst I am on this topic, let me remark that 
 there is a great deal in the choice of music, in the selec- 
 tion of its character, its suitability to your feelings, 
 style, and taste, and this .especially with respect to vocal 
 music. 
 
 There is no doubt that a good Italian style is the best 
 for instruction, and that it produces the most careful and 
 accomplished singers. Suppose a case. Your parents, 
 most fair reader, have paid a high price to some excellent 
 professor, to instruct you and, with a fair ear, and a 
 sufficient voice, you have been taught some of those 
 elaborate songs which are most popular at the opera. A 
 party is assembled music is one of the diversions. 
 Forth you step, and, with a just apprehension of the 
 difficulties of your task, select one of those immortal 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 187 
 
 compositions which the most eminent hare made their 
 study; you execute it wonderfully, only just falling a 
 little short of all the song should be ; only just provok- 
 ing a comparison, in every mind, with a high standard, 
 present in the memory of every cultivated musician near 
 you. A cold approval, or a good-natured "bravo!" 
 with, believe me, though you do not hear it, a thorough, 
 and, often, expressed conviction thai^you had better have 
 left the thing alone, follows the effort which has merely 
 proclaimed the fact that, spite of time and money spent 
 upon the cultivation of your voice, you are but a second- 
 rate singer. 
 
 But, choose a wiser, a less pretending, a less conspicu- 
 ous path. Throw your knowledge into compositions of a 
 less startling, less aspiring character. Try only what 
 you can compass. Be wise enough not to proclaim your 
 deficiencies, and the critics will go away disarmed, even 
 if they are not charmed. But if there be any voice, 
 any feeling, any science, the touching melody, made vo- 
 cal by youth and taste, will obtain even a far higher de- 
 gree of encomium than, perhaps, it actually merits. 
 You will please you will be asked to renew your efforts. 
 People will not be afraid of cadenzas five minutes long, 
 or of bravuras, every note of which makes one hope it 
 may be the last. 
 
 It is true that, to a person who loves music, the per- 
 formance of one of the incomparable songs of Bellini, 
 Rosini, Flotow, or Mozart, is an actual delight but ; 
 when attempted by a young amateur, it should be, like 
 many other delights, confined to the private circle, and 
 not visited upon society in general. 
 
188 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Do not suppose that I mean to recommend j oor music, 
 or feeble, ephemeral compositions. What is good need 
 not, of necessity, be always difficult. Ballad music is 
 rich in songs adapted for the private performer and 
 there are many, in Italian, of great beauty, which, 
 though they would not be selected for a concert-room, or 
 for brilliant display, are adapted for ladies. 
 
 Music is the greatest, best substitute for conversation. 
 It has many merits, in this light. It can never provoke 
 angry retort; it can never make enemies ; it can injure no 
 one's character by slander ; and in playing and singing 
 one can commit no indiscretion. 
 
 Music is a most excellent amusement, and, in so- 
 ciety, an indispensable one. It aids conversation by 
 occasionally interrupting it for a short period, to be 
 renewed with a new impetus. It makes the most de- 
 lightful recreation for the home circle, varying the toil 
 and trouble of the father's or husband's working day, 
 by the pleasures of the evening made by music's power 
 to glide smoothly and swiftly. 
 
 There are but few persons who are entirely without a 
 love for music, even if they do not understand it. They 
 will be borne along upon the waves of a sweet melody 
 to high, pure thoughts, often to delicious memories. 
 
 The piano is, at the present day, the most popular in- 
 strument in society. The harp has ceased to be fash- 
 ionable, though it is sometimes heard. The latter is a 
 most beautiful accompaniment for the voice, but re- ' 
 quires a large room, as, in a small one, it will sound 
 stringy and harsh. 
 
 The guitar, while it makes a very pleasant accompnni 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 189 
 
 merit for the voice, has also the advantage of being easily 
 carried from place to place. 
 
 It requires as much judgment to select proper instru- 
 mental pieces for a parlor performance, as you would 
 display in a choice of songs. Page after page of black, 
 closely printed notes, will drive those who see them from 
 the piano. They may be executed in the most finished 
 style, but they are not suited to general society. In 
 their place, for practice, or for a musical soire'e, where 
 every one puts forth her best musical powers, they are 
 appropriate, and will give pleasure, but they are not 
 suited for a mixed party. When asked to play, choose, 
 if you will, a brilliant, showy piece, bnt let it be short. 
 It is better still to make no attempt at display, but 
 simply try to please, selecting the music your, own judg 
 ment tells you is best suited to your audience. 
 
 Avoid the loud, thumping style, and also the over-so- 
 lemn style. 
 
 Be sure, before you accept any invitation to play, that 
 you know perfectly the piece you undertake. It is bet- 
 ter to play the simplest airs in a finished, faultless man- 
 ner, than to play imperfectly the most brilliant varia- 
 tions. 
 
 Avoid movement at the piano. Swinging the body 
 to and fro, moving the head, rolling the eyes, raising the 
 hands too much, are all bad tricks, and should be care- 
 fully abstained from. 
 
 " With respect to drawing, modeling, or any pursuits 
 of the same nature, so much depends on taste and op- 
 portunity, and they are so little the accomplishments of 
 society that they require but few of those restrictions 
 
190 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 which music, in its use and abuse, demands. 
 like music, should be cultivated early. Its advantages 
 are the habits of perseverance and occupation, which it 
 induces ; and the additional delight which it gives to the 
 works, both of nature and of art. Like music, it gives 
 independence independence of society. The true lover 
 of the arts has a superiority over the indifferent, and, if 
 she be not better prepared for society, is much better 
 fitted for retirement than those who are not so happily 
 endowed with tastes, when in moderation, so innocent 
 and beneficial. 
 
 There is no accomplishment more graceful, pleasing, 
 healthy, and lady-like, than that of riding well. Avoid- 
 ing, at the same time, timidity and the " fast" style, 
 keeping within the bounds of elegant propriety, grace- 
 fully yielding to the guidance of your escort, and keep- 
 ing your seat easily, yet steadily, are all points to be 
 acquired. 
 
 To ride well is undoubtedly an admirable qualification 
 for a lady, as she may be as feminine in the saddle as 
 in the ball room or home circle. It is a mistaken idea 
 to suppose that to become an accomplished horse-woman 
 a lady must unsex herself. But she must have a reserve 
 in her manner, that will prevent contamination from the 
 intercourse which too much riding may lead to. To 
 hunt, or follow the field sports, in a pursuit which is the 
 track of blood, disgusts the true admirer of gentle breed- 
 ing. And such diversions will certainly result in a 
 coarseness of manner and expression, growing upon the 
 fair equestrian slowly but surely. A harsh voice, loud 
 tone, expressions suited only to manly lips, but uacon- 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 191 
 
 Seiously copied, will follow her devotion to the unfeminine 
 pursuit. 
 
 Nothing is more revolting than a woman who catches the 
 tone and expressions of men. To hear the slang of jockey- 
 ism from female lips, is very offensive, yet ladies who kiix 
 in field sports are liable, nay, almost certain, to fall into i 
 style of conversation which is ten times worse than* th* 
 coarsest terms from the lips of a man. Instances then 
 are, of the fairest of our sex, from a fondness for sucfc 
 diversions, and a habitual participation in 'such society, 
 becoming hard, bold, and disgusting, .even whilst retain- 
 ing all their female loveliness of person. 
 
 A lady, unless she lives in the most retired parts of 
 the country, should never ride alone, and even then she 
 will be awkwardly placed, in case of accident, without an 
 escort. In the cities, not only is it unfeminine, but 
 positively dangerous, for a lady to ride unaccompanied 
 by a gentleman, or a man servant. 
 
 Although it is impossible, within the limits of this 
 little volume, to give many hints upon riding, a few may 
 not be amiss. Like many other accomplishments, a 
 teacher is necessary, if you wish to attain perfection, 
 and no written directions can make you a finished horse- 
 woman, unless you have had tuition and practice. 
 
 1. In mounting you are desired, gentle Amazon, to. 
 spring gracefully into your saddle, with the slight assist- 
 ance of a hand placed beneath the sole of the shoe, in- 
 stead of scrambling uncouthly to your " wandering 
 throne/' as Miss Fanshawe wittily calls it, from a high 
 chair, as is frequently done by those who have not been 
 properly instructed. To mount in the orthodox manner, 
 
192 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 you should stand nearly close to the horse, level with the 
 front of the saddle, and taking the reins slackly in your 
 right hand, you should place that hand on the nearest 
 pommel, to secure your balance in rising, and with your 
 left hand gather up the front of the habit, so as to leave 
 the feet clear. The gentleman should place himself 
 firmly, near, but not so near to you as to impede your 
 rising, and with the same view must hold his head well 
 back, as should he lose his hat from a whisk of your 
 habit the effect produced is not good. You should then 
 present your left foot, and the gentleman placing one 
 hand beneath its sole, and the other above, so as to pos- 
 sess a safe hold, should, with nice judgment, give just 
 such assistance as will enable you easily, with a spring, 
 to vault gracefully into the saddle. You will then ar- 
 range your right leg comfortably over the pommel, your 
 cavalier will then place your left foot in the stirrup and 
 arrange the flow of the habit-skirt, and all. is complete. 
 All this, though so seemingly simple and easy, requires 
 some little practice to effect neatly and gracefully. 
 
 2. Secondly, when riding with a gentleman, remember 
 that you are best placed on the left side ; because in that 
 position the graceful flow of your habit is seen to the 
 greatest advantage, while it does not inconvenience the 
 gentleman by getting entangled with his stirrup, nor 
 does it receive the splashes of his horse. 
 
 3. But when you have a double attendance of cavaliers, 
 if you be at all a timid rider, it may become discreet to 
 "pack" you (forgive the homely "phrase) between the 
 two, since, in this position, you are the most thoroughly 
 protected from your own horse's shying, or from other 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 193 
 
 horses or vehicles approaching you too closely, be-ing thus 
 forced to take that part of the road to which the better 
 jadgraent of your companions inevitably guides you. If 
 you be an accomplished equestrian, you will prefer being 
 outside, and (as has been said) to the left. 
 
 Sit erect in the middle of your saddle, turning your 
 face full towards the head of your horse. Cling as 
 closely as possible to the saddle, but avoid stooping for- 
 ward, or using your hands to keep you in your seat. 
 Nervous motions on horseback are not only ungraceful, 
 but dangerous, as your horse will not make any allow- 
 jjnce for the delicacy of your nerves, and may prove his 
 objections to a jerking hand, or a twitching rein, in a 
 most decided and disagreeable manner. 
 
 The riding-dress, or habit, is best made to fit the figure 
 tightly, with tight sleeves. It may be open in the front, 
 over a neatly fitting chemisette, or buttoned close to the 
 throat, with a neat linen collar and cuffs. The loose 
 sacque is ungraceful, but a basque is most becoming on 
 horseback. Gauntlet gloves, of leather, are the most 
 suitable, *and must be. loose enough to give your hand 
 perfect freedom, yet not so loose as to interfere with its 
 motions. Do not wear the skirt too long ; it will be 
 dangerous in case of accident, and it may prove annoy- 
 ing to your horse. Your habit must be made of a ma- 
 terial sufficiently heavy to hang gracefully, and not move 
 too much with the wind. For a winter habit, a warmly- 
 lined basque, trimmed at the throat and hands with fur, 
 is an elegant and appropriate dress, and a round cap of 
 khe same cloth as the habit, with a band, and pieces to 
 13 
 
194 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 cover the ears, of fur to match the dress trimmings, 
 makes a handsome and appropriate dress. 
 
 In summer, your hat should be of fine straw, and 
 elouched to shade the face ; in winter, of felt, or, if you 
 prefer, a close cap of cloth. The hat may be trimmed 
 with feathers or knots of ribbon^ and the shape should be 
 one to protect the complexion, at the same time graceful 
 and becoming. 
 
 Avoid any display in a riding dress. Choose a material 
 of some dark or neutral tint, and nryer use showy trim- 
 mings. 
 
 Curls, or any flowing loose style of wearing the hair, 
 will be found exceedingly troublesome on horseback. 
 Arrange it neatly and compactly under your hat, for if 
 a stray curl or lock annoys you, or is blown across your 
 *yes by the wind, your hands will be too fully occupied 
 to remedy the difficulty. * 
 
 Your whip should be light and small, tasteful if you 
 will, but not showy. 
 
 At the period for which these hints are intended, the 
 Modern Languages should form a portion of acquire- 
 ment. As in music, an intelligent and assiduous girl 
 may, I believe, acquire an adequate degree of proficiency 
 in French, German, and Italian, without having been 
 abroad, though a foreign tour will be of the greatest use 
 in the acquisition of the accent and niceties of each 
 tongue. With respect to French, it is no doubt essential 
 to comfort to understand it ; it is one of the attributes 
 of a lady to speak it well ; still, it is not indispensable to 
 speak it so well that the American lady is mistaken for 
 a Parisian. This, which but seldom happens, can only 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 195 
 
 be acquired, in most cases, by a residence abroad. But 
 French is thoroughly and grammatically taught in 
 America. It is only the habit .of speaking, the idioms 
 and niceties, which cannot be acquired except by converse 
 with a native. 
 
 There are hundreds of competent instructors in this 
 country, French ladies and gentlemen amongst the num- 
 ber, who form classes for conversation and familiarizing 
 their pupils with these very idioms. After availing her- 
 self of such advantages, a young lady will find that a 
 very short residence abroad will improve and facilitate 
 her French conversation. 
 
 Much, however, will depend upon how you use the op- 
 portunities within your reach. There are many oppor- 
 tunities of practice in large towns ; and foreigners give 
 all facilities, by their readiness ,to converse, their good- 
 nature in listening, and in helping the beginner by kind 
 hints. If a young lady, with simplicity, good breeding, 
 and good taste, endeavors to speak whenever she has an 
 opportunity, words will come as if by intuition. Do not 
 think of by-standers and lookers-on ; think only of the 
 individual to whom you are addressing yourself. If pos- 
 sible, be not abashed by one or two errors at the first 
 plunge swim on till you have confidence. The effort, I 
 grant, is great, and it may be obviated by a foreign edu- 
 cation; but where this is impossible, the freedom acquired 
 will more than repay the ex'ertion. 
 
 In foreign literature, walk carefully, and if you have 
 an older, wiser head than your own to point out the best 
 paths, improve the advantage. 
 
 One cannot help deeming it a great era in education 
 
196 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 
 
 that German- is cultivated as well as Italian and French, 
 and that stores of literature are opened, to vary the de- 
 lights of intellect, and to give freshness and interest to 
 the studies of youth. 
 
 The rapture with which the works of Schiller are pe- 
 rused in the original, seems to repay the hours devoted 
 to German : and I am sure the perusal of Tasso, or of 
 the Aristodemo of Monti y would reward the study of 
 Italian, were not the- acquisition of that exquisite lan- 
 guage of itself a source of poetic pleasure. 
 
 The modern French writers have increased an ever- 
 lasting responsibility in corrupting the sources of amuse- 
 ment, open to the young readers, and it is remarkable 
 that most of the distinguished French authors seem to 
 have felt that they had erred, and to have retrieved in 
 some of their works the tendencies of their other pro- 
 ductions. Take for instance, Madame de Stael ; her 
 books cannot be judged altogether ; the effect of some 
 of her eloquent and almost incomparable writings varies 
 in an extraordinary degree. Whilst "Delphine" is unfit 
 for the perusal of a modest woman, her " L'Allemagne" 
 is finely written throughout, and her criticisms and 
 analyses of German writers are full of instruction as well 
 as interest. 
 
 Still the works open to readers of French are numer- 
 ous. The tragedies of Corneille and Racine are forcible 
 and finished, and should be read because classical. The 
 " Alzire" of Voltaire and his "Zaire" with the dramas of 
 Casimir de la Vigne are also worthy of perusal. It is 
 not an inspiriting kind of reading, but it is rich in sen- 
 timent, and perfectly unexceptionable in moral tone. 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 197 
 
 Although the scepticism of most German writers ren- 
 ders this literature dangerous to a young rnind, there are 
 fields of pure, nohle writing open in that language. The 
 works of Schiller, for example. His mind was originfilly 
 noble, his heart good, his love to mankind, and his en- 
 quiry after truth were sincere. In early life, he wavered ; 
 and the besetting scepticism of the Germans dimmed, 
 for a time, his perceptions of all that is most sublime, as 
 well as true, in our finite knowledge. He was chastened 
 he suffered he believed. He died an early but a 
 bright instance that great genius may exist with true and 
 humble piety, and that the mind is never so powerful as 
 when illumined by divine light. His works are a mag- 
 nificent library in themselves and I could almost say, 
 be contented to learn German and to read Schiller. 
 Some of his works are open to objection, his " Bride of 
 Messina," portions of "The Robbers," are better omitted 
 from your collection, but " Wallenstein" and " Maria 
 Stuart" are noble and admirable productions. On this 
 subject, and, indeed, on the whole of German literature, 
 Madame de Stael is an excellent guide in her " L'Alle- 
 inagne," to which I refer the young German student, 
 who is sincerely desirous of gleaning the good, and 
 avoiding the evil in German compositions. 
 
 Italian literature furnishes a delightful thome for com-- 
 ment. It is singular that an enslaved, and, during many 
 ages, a depraved and degraded people, should have pos- 
 sessed the purest poetry, the least exceptionable drama, 
 in Europe There is little to exclude, and much to re- 
 commend, in this beautiful 'language. The works of 
 Tasso abound with high sentiment; the "Inferno" of 
 
198 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Dante is a sublime picture of eternal retribution, softened 
 with most touching pictures of human woe. Happy are 
 those who have leisure to pursue extensively the acquisi- 
 tion of Italian literature, they may read and commit to 
 memory without fear of an insidious meaning beneath 
 the polished verse, or the prose which has all the charm 
 of poetry. 
 
 Spanish literature will require the same judicious 
 pruning which is necessary in French and German, but 
 of all languages-, it is the most musical for speech, and 
 singing. 
 
 A lady in society must, if she would not grow utterly 
 weary in company, know how to dance. It has been the 
 practice among many excellent people to represent the 
 ball room as a " pitfall covered with flowers;" a sheet of 
 breaking ice ; above, all gayety and motion ; below, all 
 darkness and danger. It may be that to some minds 
 the ball room may be replete with temptations ; but there. 
 are minds which find temptations everywhere. The in- 
 nocent may be innocent, nay, the pious may feel devout, 
 even in a ball room. There is nothing immoral or wrong 
 in dancing ; it is the tendency of youth to dance it is 
 the firsfe effort of a child the first natural recreation. 
 It seems so natural that I confess I am always doubtful 
 of the sincerity of those young ladies who profess to dis- 
 like the ball room. 
 
 In the present day, you must understand how to move 
 gracefully through quadrilles, to dance polka, Schot- 
 tische, Varsovienne, and waltz. To these you may add 
 great variety of dances, each season, probably, bringing 
 a new one. 
 
ACCOMPLI iflMBNTS. 199 
 
 "Dancing," says Mr. Sheldrake, u is jne of the most 
 healthy, as well as one of the most pleasing amusements 
 that can be practised by the young. If it is learned 
 from those who are well qualified to teach it, and prac- 
 tised, as it ougat to be, consistently with the instructions 
 given, it will contribute more to improve the health, as 
 well as the form of the human frame, than any other 
 exercise. For the discovery and promulgation of the 
 true and correct principles according to which dancing 
 
 should be taught, the world is indebted to France, a 
 
 4 
 
 country which has long taken the lead in the elegant 
 arts. In France, dancing was first raised to the dignity 
 of a science, a royal academy being founded for the pur- 
 pose of teaching and perfecting it, in the reign of Louis 
 Quatorze. In this academy were trained many of the 
 most distinguished dancers of both sexes." One of the 
 most celebrated, Madame Simonet, gave the following 
 account to Mr. Sheldrake of the mode of instruction 
 pursued in the academy : " All the pupils, before they 
 were permitted to attempt to dance, were completely in- 
 structed in what were called the preparatory exercises ; 
 that is, a system of exercises, which endued all their 
 limbs with strength, firmness, elasticity, and activity ; 
 when they had acquired these properties, they began to 
 dance. 
 
 "In these preparatory exercises, the motions were 
 of the most simple kind, the object being to teach the 
 pupil, gradually and separately, all those movements 
 which, when combined, arid rapidly executed, constitute 
 dancing." Madame Simoriet thus described those ele* 
 inentary instructions, as gone through by herself: 
 
200 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 " She successively learned to stand flat and firm upon 
 both her feet, with her limbs quite straight, and the 
 whole person perfectly upright, but not stiif ; then to 
 lift one foot from the ground, and to keep it so for some 
 time without moving any part of her body ; she then re- 
 placed that foot on the ground, and raised the other in 
 the same manner. These simple actions were repeated 
 till the pupils were quite familiar with them ; they were 
 then directed to keep the body quite erect, but not stiff, 
 and bearing firmly up$n one leg, to raise the other from 
 the ground, gradually and slowly, by bending the upper 
 joint of the limb, at the same time making the knee 
 straight, and putting the toe to its proper extent, but no 
 more. The foot, after it had been kept in this state for 
 some time, was returned to the ground from whence it 
 was taken, and the other foot treated in the same man- 
 ner ; when quite familiarized to these actions, they were 
 directed to walk (march, as some people will call it) 
 slowly, performing the same motions with the feet al- 
 ternately." The exercises which followed these, were 
 upon the turning out of the feet, the balancing of the 
 body, and other attitudes, which need not be particular- 
 ized. 
 
 Mr. Shellrake gives several examples of persons 
 trained upon these initiatory principles to the profession 
 of dancing, who have lived in health to a great age. 
 ''This," says he, "is not the chance lot of a few; for 
 I have, though life, been accustomed to see many per- 
 sons of the same profession ; I have communicated m^ 
 own observations to many others, and all have agreed 
 in remarking, that those who follow this profession have, 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 201 
 
 very generally, excellent health, which very many of 
 them carry into extreme old age. This indisputaMe fact 
 can only be accounted for by supposing that the prepara- 
 tory exercises which these persons go through, are a 
 modification of what I have called regulated muscular 
 tension, or action, and the early and constant practice 
 of which lays a firm foundation for that high health 
 which accompanies them through life. It is upon the 
 same principle that a soldier is never seen with . spinal 
 curvature, or other personal deformity, or a stage dancer 
 of either sex with a deformed person ; it is, perhaps, im 
 possible that such things should exist, for the plain rea 
 son, that the exercises which they begin to practice early 
 in life, and continue regularly through its whole course, 
 render it impossible for them to become so. 
 
 " The inference to be drawn from these incontroverti- 
 ble facts is, that if we, in very early life, teach young 
 children to practice similar exercises, and follow them 
 steadily afterwards, we shall confirm them in excellent 
 health, and prevent the accession of those evils which so 
 often cause deformity to the figure, and destruction -to 
 the constitution, at later periods of life. I do not pro- 
 pose to make every boy a soldier, or every girl a dancer 
 upon the stage, but to adopt the principles, by the ap- 
 plication of which those persons are trained to the suc- 
 cessful practices of their several occupations, and so to 
 modify them, that they may qualify other classes of so- 
 ciety to follow their different pursuits with equal success; 
 and I am not without hopes that this undertaking will 
 contribute something towards producing this desirable 
 effect." 
 
202 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Dane ng is an exercise which has been practiced by 
 mank^id from the most remote ages. With the Egyp- 
 tians, Assyrians, and Persians, the founders of tho 
 three great empires of the ancient world, dancing was 
 the favorite exercise or accomplishment, and the practice 
 was not less prevalent among their successors in power 
 and importance, the Greeks and Romans. The Jews, 
 ajso, we learn from Scripture, were strongly attached to 
 the exercise at all periods of their history. 
 
 At the present day, almost every people that exist, 
 whether barbarous or civilized, has its dfcvn form of danc- 
 ing. It is this universality of the exercise that makes 
 dancing a subject of importance. Being so extensively 
 practiced, it must be the instrument either of good or 
 evil to the human race. 
 
 It is one of the most healthful and elegant amuse- 
 ments, and cannot be too highly recommended. Among 
 a rude and dissolute people it may degenerate into some- 
 thing worthy of condemnation ; but all the blessings we 
 have are similarly liable to abuse, and it would be most 
 unjust to condemn a cheerful domestic amusement, merely 
 because it has, at times, been degraded by people of low, 
 vulgar, immoral tastes. By all physicians, dancing, 
 when pursued in moderation, is recommended as highly 
 conducive to bodily health ; and it may be truly said, 
 that, allied with music, nothing is more conducive to 
 mental health, more calculated to drive away melancholy, 
 and put the whole temper into good humor. 
 
 Dancing is the poetry of motion. It must be per- 
 formed with ease and grace, and always with a perfect 
 regard for propriety of movement. 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 203 
 
 Aa an art it is taught by professed masters ; and one 
 of the leading rules given to the learner is to raise and 
 lower herself gracefully on the elastic part of her feet, 
 and to keep perfect time to the music. Dancing is 
 really a simple and elegant gliding on the toes, which 
 bend more or less to accommodate the steps, and prevent 
 harsh, ungraceful motion. 
 
 The most popular dances of the present day, are, first, 
 the quadrille. 
 
 These are of French origin, comparatively tranquil in 
 their character, and generally danced once or more in 
 every party. They are danced by four couples, one 
 standing on each side of a square. There are' many sets 
 of quadrilles, the figures in each varying from the others. 
 But there are five figures in each set. The plain, fancy, 
 Lancers, Polka, Mazourka, and German, are among the 
 most popular. 
 
 In plain quadrilles, a lady takes no steps, merely 
 walking gracefully through the figures, but her feet must 
 keep perfect time to the music, and she must know the 
 changes of position perfectly. 
 
 A quadrille may be very properly described as a con- 
 versation dance, as there are long pauses between the 
 figures, when the dancers must have a fund of small talk 
 ready for their partners. 
 
 When moving in the figures, hold out your skirt a 
 little with the right hand, merely to clear the ground, 
 arid prevent the possibility of treading upon it. 
 " Next come the round dances, the Valse 9 Polka, Schot- 
 fcische, Varsovienne, and Redowa. 
 
 The Waltz is danced both d troistemps and deuxtemp*. 
 
204 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 In the waltz, the position is a most important point 
 You may so lean upon your partner's arm, and so carry 
 your figure, that the prudish can find but little fault, but 
 you can also make the dance a most immodest one. 1 
 cannot, within the limits of my book, go into a long ar- 
 gument as to the propriety of these round dances. 
 Opinions differ, and I am not writing a sermon, but 
 giving, as far as is in my power, hints to ladies in society. 
 It is, therefore, enough for me to know that these dances 
 are tolerated, and that, even were I so inclined, /could 
 not exclude them. 
 
 To return to the position. Stand a little to the right 
 of your partner, that, in clasping your waist, he may 
 draw you upon his arm to his shoulder, not his breast ; 
 the last position is awkward. By observing the first, 
 you have your head free ; turn it a little towards the left 
 shoulder ; need I say, never lay it upon your partner's 
 shoulder ? Throw the head and shoulders a little back, 
 not too much to be consistent with easy grace, place one 
 hand upon your partner's shoulder, and the other in his 
 disengaged hand. So, you are ready to start. 
 
 The waltz maybe danced to very fast time, or to slow 
 music. The last is the most graceful, and there is not so 
 much danger of giddiness. Grace can only be gained 
 by a perfect timing of the steps to the music, and also 
 evenness of step. It is, when properly timed with perfect 
 step, and easy, gliding motion, the most graceful dances. 
 The Germans, who dance for the sake of dancing, will 
 only allow a certain number of waltzers on the floor at 
 one time, and these waltz in streams, all going down one 
 
 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 205 
 
 side of the room and up the other, thus rendering colli* 
 sions impossible. 
 
 An English writer, in a recent work published on eti- 
 quette, speaks of waltzing thus : 
 
 " It is perhaps useless to recommend flat-foot waltzing 
 in this country, where ladies allow themselves to be 
 almost hugged by their partners, and where men think it 
 necessary to lift a lady almost off the ground, but I am 
 persuaded that if it were introduced, the outcry against 
 the impropriety of waltzing would soon cease. Nothing 
 can be more delicate than the way in which a German 
 holds his partner. It is impossible to dance on the flat 
 foot unless the lady and gentleman are quite free of one 
 another. His hand, therefore, goes no further round her 
 waist than to the hooks and eyes of her dress, hers, no 
 higher than to his elbow. Thus danced, the waltz is 
 smooth, graceful, and delicate, and we could never in 
 Germany complain of our daughter's languishing on a 
 young man's shoulder. On the other hand, nothing is 
 more graceless and absurd, than to see a man waltzing 
 on the tips of his toes, lifting his partner off the ground, 
 or twirling round and round with her like the figures on 
 a street organ. The test of waltzing in time, is to be 
 able to stamp the time with the left foot. The waltz is 
 of German origin, but where it is still danced in Ger- 
 many in the original manner, (as, for instance, among 
 the peasants of the Tyrol,) it is a very different dance. 
 It is there very slow and graceful ; the feet are thrown 
 out in a single long step, which Turveydrop, I presume, 
 would call a jete. After a few turns, the partners 
 waltz alone in the f*ame step, the man keeping the time 
 
206 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 by striking together his iron-shod heels, until with a 
 Bhout-and clapping of hands he again clasps his partner 
 and continues in the same slow measure with her." 
 . The position for the polka, redowa, and other round 
 dances, should be the same as that for the waltz, and for 
 the steps, they can only be acquired from a dancing 
 teacher, and are impossible to describe properly. 
 
 One of the most delightful accomplishments which a 
 lady can possess, and one which is unfortunately but 
 little cultivated, is the art of reading aloud well ; reading 
 with expression, taste, animation, and correctness ; and 
 this art once acquired, let her also be able to recite well. 
 
 Long lectures may be given upon elocution, but the 
 advice can be condensed into two directions. First, be 
 sure you pronounce, accent, and enunciate every word 
 correctly ; then, throw your whole soul into the words. 
 Study your author carefully, that you may know pre- 
 cisely what he means by each expression, and then try 
 to bury your personal identity, to become, for the time, 
 the character you represent. 
 
 One of the most delightful ways to spend a social 
 evening, is to devote it to dramatic literature. Invite 
 only guests who read well, or who are really interested 
 listeners, and select a play, or scenes from several plays, 
 and cast the parts among your guests. All jealousy 
 must be put aside, and to-night's Hamlet must conde- 
 scend to direct Richard to 
 
 " Stand by, my lord, and let the coffin pass," 
 to-morrow. 
 
 After a few meetings, the peculiar talent of each reader 
 will be recognized, and you can select your tragedy hero, 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 207 
 
 comedy hero, queen, chambermaid, and other- members 
 of the force, with a view to the display of each one's best 
 powers. Vary the entertainment by reciting monologues 
 and dialogues. A whole play will often be found tire- 
 some ; it is best to select several scenes, keeping up the 
 thread of the plot, and introducing the best characters, 
 and leave out what is mere interlude, and dispense with 
 some of the subordinate characters. 
 
 Leave one end of the room entirely vacant for the 
 readers. You will find it more interesting to have the 
 readers stand, and use some little motion ; the words 
 will flow more easily, the expressions come more forcibly 
 if the appropriate gesture is made. Love scenes wjll, of 
 course, require delicate handling, and embracing can bo 
 easily omitted ; neither would I recommend the action 
 of a dueling scene, or a murder, but merely to add 
 gesture enough to give interest to' both readers and 
 audience. 
 
 You will find some little difficulty from bashfulness, 
 and the "don't like to" people at first, but soon you 
 will discover with delight how many of your friends pos- 
 sess the talent for reading well, and never knew it them- 
 selves. 
 
 'You will do well to take a few lessons in elocution, but 
 you need not fear to read if you have never made the 
 accomplishment a study. With a correct knowledge of 
 your own language, and a love for fine writing, you will 
 soon read well. 
 
 Give to every part you undertake, the full effect in- 
 tended by the writer. Do not throw all your energy, 
 your whole "soul, into a leading part at one time, a.id 
 
208 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 slight a subordinate character at another. If you have 
 but five words to read, read them as they would be 
 spoken were you the character you represent for the 
 time. To hear a splendidly written, tragic burst of pas- 
 sion read in a weak, whining voice, is no worse than to 
 have a few simple words from a servant's lips delivered 
 with the gesture and emphasis suited tc a Medea or Lady 
 'Macbeth. 
 
 I shall be condemned by many serious and well-judging 
 persons, if I say one word in favor of private theatricals ; 
 yet, as it appears to me, there are in these diversions 
 some advantages which are not to be found to excuse the 
 walta$ or the polka, or the ballet, or the hunting field. 
 In private theatricals there is the possibility of some 
 benefit. The study of the finest dramatists, especially 
 of Shakespeare, is not likely to demoralize the mind, or 
 to cool the enthusiasm for what is good. We can scarcely 
 know too well those wqrks which have tended more 
 to form character than any. collection of any kind 
 whatsoever. 
 
 Shakespeare, Sheridan, Bulwer, but I cannot go 
 through the list of fine dramatic writers whose works 
 elevate the mind and taste. The plays of Sheridan, 
 Knowles, and Bulwer, are, in most instances, well 
 adapted for private representations the most exquisite 
 delineations of female character may be found in the 
 dramatic library, and high, pure, manly thoughts, may 
 be traced, line after line, to the same source. 
 
 Private theatricals should, however, be regulated with 
 much judgment. I see no reason to restrict too se- 
 verely talent of this kind where it exists, any more than 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 209 
 
 to crush a dawning taste for the other fine arts. Wha* 
 we have to do is to raise and direct it ; never to let it 
 occu[y too much time, nor to become the business .of 
 life ; never to let it infringe upon duties ; never to allow 
 it to lead us into an unreasonable, and, therefore, crimi- 
 nal expense. Our ancestors were content to strew their 
 stage at the end of their halls with rushes, and to hang 
 up the name of the scene, instead of a scene, before each 
 act. The best preparations, which generally render pri~ 
 vate theatricals both laborious and expensive, add but 
 little to the pleasure of the beholders, whose attention 
 is fixed upon the actors, and who can always see far finer 
 scenes at a minor theatre than at any private theatricals. 
 Were we content with greater simplicity in our amuse- 
 ments, how much vain ostentation, heart-sickening ex- 
 pense, self-recrimination, and trouble, might be avoided ! 
 
 As a valid objection to private theatricals, it has been 
 urged that they are apt to encourage a taste for the 
 green-room of the public theatre in young men and boys ; 
 in women the risk is less, for few women are ever known 
 to go on the stage except from necessity. I own this 
 objection to theatricals is the greatest that can be urged. 
 It can only be answered in mitigation that, where there 
 exists a taste of the kind, it is better that it should be 
 indulged at home, instead of at the theatre, with the 
 modest inmates of a well-governed house, instead of with 
 professional actors. Like all other amusements, tho 
 abuse is probable, but the power of restraint rests within 
 ourselves. 
 
 Under the same head as private theatricals may come 
 dramatized charades and proverbs, so much in fashion 
 11 
 
210 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 at the present time. These last have some great advan- 
 tages over the standard plays ; they are better suited to 
 a parlor ; they do not provoke comparison between the 
 young actors, and the favorite public idols ; they require 
 but little scenery and arrangement ; they are short ; and 
 they do not require so many subordinate characters. 
 
 Impromptu charades and proverbs are delightful, and 
 are the occasion for much merriment ; the mistakes, tho 
 absurd contrasts between character and costume, the 
 scenery a deep, hanging wood, the court of Louis Qua- 
 torze or the deck of a man of war, being improvised at 
 a moment's notice, only add to the merry enjoyment. 
 
 One rule you must observe if you join in these amuse- 
 ments : never to carry your gayety into romping. Merry 
 and laughing you may be, yet never forget you are a 
 lady. You may personate a newly-caught Irish cham- 
 bermaid, use the broadest brogue, wear the commonest 
 dress, throw yourself heartily and thoroughly into the 
 part, losing your personal identity almost entirely, and 
 yet you may retain that nameless charm, which will place 
 you in the mind of each of the audience as a lady of re- 
 finement. 
 
 You must also be perfectly good-natured and self-sac- 
 rificing ; ready to play the smallest parts with the same 
 interest you would throw into the principal ones. Try 
 to throw out all the good points in the parts taken by 
 the other members of the company. If you play an in- 
 significant part, play it well, with all the grace you can, 
 make the most of it. but do not try to raise it to the first 
 place. Yield gracefully the prominent position to those 
 who claim it in the plot of the play, and never try by 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 211 
 
 conspicuous dress or by play, to go beyond the position 
 Bet down for you. 
 
 Another delightful accomplishment, and one which 
 will aid you if you are studying drawing and painting, is 
 that of arranging tableaux vwants. 
 
 Mrs. Severn gives the following hints upon this 
 subject: 
 
 " Perhaps there is no intellectual amusement in fash- 
 ionable life, the nature of which is so little understood, 
 as the tableau vivant ; it being generally considered as 
 only a vehicle for display, whereas its real purpose is to 
 arrange scientifically a combination of natural objects, 
 so as to make a good picture according to the rules of 
 art. 
 
 "A tableau vivant is literally what its name imports a 
 living picture composed of living persons ; arid, when 
 skilfully arranged and seen at a proper distance, it pro- 
 duces all the effect of a real picture. It is said, that the 
 first living picture was contrived by a profligate young 
 German nobleman, who having, during the absence of 
 his father, sold one of the celebrated pictures belonging 
 to the old castle, which was an heir-loom, to conceal the 
 deficiency, placed some of his companions behind the 
 frame, so as to imitate the missing picture, and to 
 deceive his father, who passed through the room without 
 being conscious of his loss. 
 
 " A tableau vivant may be formed in two ways : it 
 may consist of a group of persons, who take some well- 
 known subject in history or fiction to illustrate, and who 
 form a group to tell the story according to their own 
 taste ; or, it may be a copy, as exact as circumstances 
 
212 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 will permit, of some celebrated picture. The first plan, 
 it may be easily imagined, is very rarely effective ; since, 
 as we find that even the best masters are often months, 
 or even years, before they can arrange a group satisfac- 
 torily on canvas, it is not probable that persons who are 
 not artists should succeed in making good impromptu 
 pictures. Indeed, it has been observed, that artists 
 themselves, when they have to arrange a tableau vivant, 
 always prefer copying a picture to composing one. 
 
 " Copying a real picture, by placing living persons in 
 the positions of the figures indicated in the picture, ap- 
 pears, at first sight, an easy task enough ; and the effect 
 ought to be easily attained, as there can be no bad draw- 
 ing, and no confused light and shade, to destroy the 
 effect of the grouping. There are, however, many dif- 
 ficulties to conquer, which it requires some knowledge 
 of art to be aware of. Painting being on a fiat surface, 
 every means are taken to give roundness and relief to 
 the figures, which qualities of course are found naturally 
 in a tableau vivant. In a picture the light is made 
 effective by a dark shadow placed near it ; diminished 
 lights or demi-tints are introduced to prevent the princi- 
 pal light appearing a spot ; and these are linked together 
 by artful shades, which show the outline in some places, 
 and hide it in others. The colors must also be carefully 
 arranged, so as to blend or harmonize with each other, 
 A want of attention to these minute points will be suffi- 
 cient to destroy the effect of the finest picture, even to 
 those who are so unacquainted with art as to be incapable 
 of explaining why they 'are dissatisfied, except by an in- 
 voluntary liking or disliking of what they see. 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 21 3 
 
 " The best place for putting up a tableau vivant is in a 
 door-way, with an equal space on each side ; or, at least, 
 some space on both sides is necessary ; and if there is a 
 room or a passage between the door selected for the 
 picture and the room the company is to see it from, so 
 much the better, as there should be a distance of at least 
 four yards between the first row of the spectators and 
 the picture. It must be remembered that, while the 
 tableau is being shown, nearly all the lights must be put 
 out in the room where the company is assembled ; and, 
 perhaps, only one single candle, properly placed, in the 
 intervening space between the company and the tableau, 
 must be left slightly to illuminate the frame. In the 
 above-mentioned door-way a frame, somewhat smaller 
 than the original picture, must be suspended, three, four, 
 or even five feet from the floor, as may suit the height 
 of the door; or, if the door is not -very high, the frame 
 may be put one or two feet behind, to gain space ; but 
 care must be taken to fill up the opening that would, in 
 that case, show between the door-way and the frame ; 
 also a piece of dark cloth ought to be put from the bottom 
 of the frame to the ground, to give the appearance of the 
 picture hanging on the wall. The most important thing 
 is, that the chairs or tables ought to be placed behind 
 the frame, so that the persons who are to represent the 
 tableau may sit or stand as nearly in the position, with 
 regard to the frame, as the figures appear to do in the 
 real picture they are trying to imitate, and at about two 
 feet from the frame, so that the light which is attached 
 to the back of the frame may fall properly on the figures. 
 In order to accomplish this, great study and contrivance 
 
214 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 are required, so that the shades may fall in precisely the 
 same places as in the original picture ; and sometimes 
 the light is put on one side, sometimes on the other, and 
 often on the top ; and sometimes shades of tin or paper 
 are put between the lights and the tableaux, to assist in 
 throwing a shadow over any particular part. The back- 
 ground is one of the most important parts, and should be 
 made to resemble that of the picture as nearly as possible ; 
 if it is dark, coarse cloth absorbs the light best; but 
 whether it is to be black, blue, or brown, must .depend on 
 the tint of the picture; should the background be a light 
 one, colored calico, turned on the wrong side, is generally 
 used. If trees or flowers form the background, of course 
 real branches or plants must be introduced to imitate 
 those in the picture. Even rocks have been imitated; 
 and spun glass has often successfully represented water. 
 A thin, black gauze, black muslin, or tarlatan veil, should 
 be fastened to the top of the frame, "on the outside of it, 
 through which the tableau is to be seen. 
 
 " Care ought to be taken to conceal the peculiarities 
 of the different materials used in the draperies, and it is 
 even sometimes necessary to cover the stuffs used for the 
 purpose with a guaze of a different color, so as to imitate 
 the broken and transparent colors found in most good 
 pictures. This, carefully attended to, will give a quiet- 
 ness and simplicity to the whole, which will greatly add 
 to the illusion." 
 
 The next subject upon the list of accomplishments, 
 should be filled by some words upon fancy sewing. 
 Under this head will come Crochet, Knitting, Tapestry 
 work, Embroidery, Chenille work, Netting, Canvas 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 215 
 
 work, Berlin- wool work, Frame. work, Braiding, Bead 
 \vork, etc. 
 
 Small social gatherings will be much more entertain- 
 ing, the time will pass much more quickly, and tlie con- 
 versation flows more freely if the fingers are employed 
 with some light work. 
 
 Pretty presents nay, beautiful ones may be made 
 in this way, when the fingers would otherwise be idle, 
 and these will have an additional value in being the work 
 of your own hands. 
 
 From the most remote ages needlework has been, not 
 only a source of, pecuniary advantage for poor women, but 
 also of pleasant pastime for the rich. It is one of the most 
 elegant of the imitative art, and from time immemorial 
 it has been an amusement for otherwise idle fingers, from 
 the cottage to the palace. 
 
 I have not space for a long disquisition upon the uses 
 and pleasures of fancy work ; every woman has momenta 
 when such pretty playwork will be a valuable recreation. 
 The taste for fancy work increases daily, and can be 
 made not only ornamental, but useful. A ladies' ward- 
 robe consists of so many, and such' varied objects, that 
 the evenings of an entire winter may be spent in making 
 various useful garments^ which are, at the same time, 
 suitable for company sewing. Opera hoods, wool shawls, 
 sleeves, Sontags, and other ladies' articles, may be varied 
 by embroidering smoking caps, slippers, or handkerchiefs 
 for gentlemen. 
 
 Embroidering on canvas, or tapestry work, cpens a 
 large field for taste and skill in execution. Beautiful 
 
16 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 articles for presents, chair covers, sofa cushions, slippers, 
 may be worked in the otherwise idle moments spent in 
 familiar society, and the fingers will soon acquire skill 
 and astonishing rapidity. 
 
 The German ladies have constantly on hand a piece 
 of netting or other fancy work, which they carry from 
 place to place, and take out when conversing ; and so 
 far from entirely engrossing their thoughts, they chat 
 more readily and freely with their fingers thus em 
 ployed. 
 
 American ladies will find the custom worth imitating. 
 Many tedious hours will be smoothly, pleasantly 
 passed, with the mind free, but the fingers pleasantly 
 occupied. 
 
 An evening passed in sewing or knitting, with one 
 good reader to entertain the industrious workers, will be 
 found very pleasant. I have known a circle of young 
 people meet every week to work in this way, the reader 
 being changed twice or three times in the course of the 
 evening, and these meetings have proved so pleasant, 
 that scarcely any member failed to plead "prior engage- 
 ment" if invited oufc upon the evening appointed to read 
 and sew. 
 
 It was formerly objected by -the adversaries to mental 
 cultivation in women, that the acquirement of book learn- 
 ing would make them neglect needlework ; but so far 
 from this being the case, the present, which is often 
 called the age of learning, is preeminently a working age. 
 Never were fingers more actively engaged than those of 
 the rising female generation; braiding, embroidery, 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 217 
 
 Berlin work, knitting, netting, and crochet, are all in 
 full play. A long neglected work has been recently re- 
 vived, called by the French "La FrivoliteV' It is very 
 pretty evening work, partly because it does not impede 
 conversation, for it may be carried on almost without 
 looking at it, and partly because no other w r ork shows to 
 so much advantage the grace and delicacy of the hands. 
 The most simple form of this work was anciently known 
 under the name of Tatting, but that only consisted of a 
 series of loops in a straight line, which were used for 
 trimming linen articles, and which was not so pretty as 
 La Frivolit^, which has varieties which are a good imita- 
 tion of point, and may be used for collars and sleeves. 
 
 I give a few specimens of pretty work for evening 
 sewing, and refer the reader to " The Ladies' Hand- 
 book of Embroidery," published by G. G. Evans, for a 
 full, complete description of every kind of fancy work, 
 with specimens, patterns, and clear, plain directions. 
 
 NETTED CUFFS These cuffs are very pretty, and 
 easy to make. They are in plain netting, and will 
 require white, and five shades of scarlet wool. 
 
 Set on thirty-five stntch.es of th'e white wool. Net five 
 rows, then take a mesh a very little larger, and widen by 
 netting two stitches in every stitch. Then net with the 
 smallest mesh the two lightest shades, one row of each, 
 and two rows of the other three shades. Then graduate 
 the shades back again to white, narrowing the first row 
 of white with the larger mesh. Net ten rows with the 
 smaller mesh, widen again, repeat the shades of red, 
 narrow again, and finish with the five rows of white. 
 
218 LADIES BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 KNITTED OPERA CAP. 
 
 MATERIALS REQUIRED Half an ounce of white and 
 half an ounce of shaded Berlin wool will be sufficient. 
 
 Cast on a hundred stitches with white wool, and knit 
 and pearl alternately for four rows. 
 
 Shaded wool Knit one row plain ; next row bring 
 forward, and take two together to the end. 
 
 Wliite wool Knit and pearl alternately four rows. 
 
 Shaded wool Knit plain six rows. 
 
 White wool Knit a row, decreasing it by taking the 
 first two stitches together, and the last two. Pearl a 
 row. Knit a row, decreasing it as before. Pearl a row. 
 
 Shaded wool -Knit a row, decreasing at the beginning 
 and end. Next row, bring forward and take two to- 
 gether to the end. 
 
 Wliite wool Knit a row, decreasing at both ends. 
 Pearl a row. Knit a row, decreasing as before. Pearl 
 a row. 
 
 FOR THE PATTERN IN THE CENTRE OF THE 
 
 CAP. 
 
 SHADED WOOL ~Lst row Slip one. Knit two plain 
 stitches (a.) Wool forward. Knit one. Wool forward. 
 Knit two together. Knit one. Knit two together. 
 Repeat from (a.) 
 
 2nd roiv Pearled. 
 
 3rc? roiv Slip one. Knit two plain stitches (5.) 
 Wool forward. Knit three plain stitches. Wool for- 
 ward. Slip one. Knit two together. Pass the slipped 
 Btitca over the knitted one* Repeat from (b.) 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 219 
 
 4ith row Pearled. 
 
 5th row Slip one. Knit two plain stitches, (<?.) 
 Wool forward. Knit two together. Knit one. Knit 
 two together. Wool forward. Knit one. Repeat 
 from (<?.) 
 
 6th row Pearled. 
 
 1th row Slip one. Knit two plain stitches (d.\ 
 Wool forward. Slip one. Knit two together. Pass 
 the slipped stitch over the knitted ones. Wool forward. 
 Knit three plain stitches. Repeat from (d.) 
 
 8th row Pearled. Repeat the last eight rows. 
 
 White wool Knit and pearl alternately for four rows; 
 decrease at the beginning and ending of the two plain 
 rows. 
 
 Shaded wool Knit one plain row ; decrease at the 
 beginning and ending. Next row ; bring the wool for- 
 ward, knit two together to the end of the row. 
 
 WJiite wool Knit and pearl alternately for four rows; 
 decrease at the beginning and ending of the two plain 
 rows. 
 
 Knit eighteen plain stitches, run a piece of cotton 
 through the remaining sixty-two stitches. Pearl and 
 knit alternately, decreasing at the beginning and ending 
 of every plain ^row, until you have four stitches remain- 
 ing ; cast them off; then take up eighteen stitches on the 
 opposite sides, and work a piece to correspond ; leaving 
 forty-four centre stitches on the cotton. 
 
 Take up the centre stitches on a needle pointed at 
 both ends, draw the cotton out ; then pick up fourteen 
 stitches at each end of the needle. 
 
 Shaded wool Knit two plain rows. 
 
220 LADIES' BOOK OE ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Wlilte wool Knit one plain row. Next row ; wool 
 forward, knit two together to the end of the row. 
 
 Shaded wool Knit two plain rows and cast off. Join 
 the two points together at the back of the cap. Fold 
 the front at the first pattern row, and hem it to form the 
 scallop at the edge. Pick up eighty stitches at the back 
 of the cap. 
 
 AN ECONOMICAL POINT COLLAR. 
 It is well known that worked muslin collars, particu- 
 larly if the work is good, very soon wear out ; as the 
 work is too heavy for the muslin, which, when it has 
 been washed two or three times, becomes full of slits and 
 holes, though the work is still as good as ever. When 
 this is the case, cut the muslin off the work with a pair 
 of sharp scissors, and lay the work on the pattern of a 
 collar cut in paper, so as to fill the whole of the pat- 
 tern. The work may be taken from two or three 
 collars ; the arrangement of it must depend upon taste. 
 When the cut-out work is properly arranged, it must 
 be tacked or basted to the paper pattern; and this 
 is best done with colored thread, that no mistake may 
 arise when the basting threads are to be drawn out. 
 Four or six' threads are then drawn from one piece of 
 work to another, with a needle and cotton, so as to at- 
 tach them together, and the loose threads are then over- 
 cast like button-holes, so as to imitate the uniting 
 threads of point lace. When well done, with a sufficient 
 quantity of the uniting threads, to make the work firm, 
 these collars are handsome, and will wash and weal 
 well. 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS, 221 
 
 KNITTED VEILS. 
 
 ft is now customary to knit white veils of what is 
 called Lady Betty's wool, for babies to put over their 
 faces when they are carried out in cold weather, instead 
 of pocket-handkerchiefs, which were formerly used for 
 the purpose, though they were very unfit for it. Knitted 
 veils in black silk or worsted are also worn by grown-up 
 persons. The veils for babies are very simple in their 
 construction ; they consist of oblong pieces of knitting 
 of any width and depth that may be required, with 
 knitted lace at the bottom and sides, and a string case 
 at the top. The following pattern is the most common : 
 
 Knit and pearl alternately four rows, so that there 
 may be two of each ; then bring forward and take two 
 together an entire row. This pattern is repeated through 
 the entire veil ; and it must be observed, that as many 
 stitches must be cast on as will make it of the necessary 
 width. The kneedles should be of the smallest size, of 
 bone. Any lace will do ; but the following pattern, 
 though not new, is both pretty and suitable ; and has, 
 besides, the important recomendation of being very easy. 
 
 Cast on eleven stitches and knit a row plain, then be- 
 gin the pattern. 
 
 "Lst row Knit three ; bring forward and take two to- 
 gether ; knit one, take two together ; put the thread 
 twice round the needle, take two together, and knit one. 
 
 2nd roiv Knit two, pearl one, knit one, put the thread 
 twico round the needle, take two together, bring forward, 
 and knit five. 
 
 3rd row Knit three, bring forward, take two together, 
 
222 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 knit one, bring forward,- knit two, pearl one, biing for* 
 ward, take two together, and knit two. 
 
 4th row Knit two, bring forward, knit five, bring for- 
 ward, take two together, knit five. 
 
 5th row Knit three, bring forward, and take two to- 
 gether, knit the rest plain. 
 
 6th row Cast off four, and knit the rest plain. 
 
 HINTS TO CROCHE T-W R K E R S . 
 
 Examine carefully the form of the needle, and try the 
 hook, to ascertain that it is perfectly smooth. Some are 
 so sharp and ill-made as to tear the cotton. Select those 
 which are not of uniform thickness up to the hook ; the 
 best are those which are thinner there than an inch far- 
 ther up. Where the needle is not proportionally fine 
 near the hook, it is almost impossible to keep the work 
 even. 
 
 Chain stitch ought to be done rather loosely, as work- 
 ing on it afterwards contracts it, and is apt to give it 
 a puckered appearance. It is often advisable to use a 
 needle one size larger for making the chain than for 
 the rest of the work, especially in edgings. It will be 
 found much easier to work the succeeding rows when this 
 precaution is taken. Crochet needles should be kept in 
 a, housewife similar to those used for ordinary neecjles. 
 The slightest soil or rust should be effaced with fine sand- 
 paper 
 
 ORNAMENTAL NET FOR THE HAIR. 
 
 Take t*vo pieces of fine silk braid, scarlet or royal 
 blue aui a No. 3 bone crochet hook. 
 
* ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 223 
 
 Make a chain of eight stitches, unite the ends, and 
 then D. C. the first round, putting two stitches into each 
 loop ; there will now be, sixteen stitches and in the next 
 round one long must be worked into every stitch, and 
 two chain between each long ; the round will now consist 
 of forty-eight stitches, and we commence the pattern, or 
 diamonds. 
 
 3rd round Three long, two chain, four -long with two 
 chain after each, and these long put into every second 
 loop ; repeat. 
 
 4ith round Five long, two chain, five long with two 
 chain after each, and these long put into every second 
 loop with the exception of the fifth or last of them, 
 which must skip two stitches instead yf one ; repeat. 
 
 5th round Seven long, two chain, seven long with 
 two chain after each, and each of these long put into 
 every second stitch ; repeat. 
 
 6th round Five long, two chain, fiVe long with two 
 chain after each, and each of these long put into every 
 other stitch, three long, two chain, five long again with 
 two chain after each, and each put into every second 
 stitch ; repeat from beginning. 
 
 1th round Three long, two chain, five long with two 
 chain after each and worked in every third loop, five 
 long, two -chain, five long again with two chain after each, 
 and these long worked as aforesaid in every third loop ; 
 repeat from beginning. 
 
 8th round One long, two chain, five long with twc 
 chain after each and these long put into every third 
 stitch, seven long, two. chain, again five long, &c. &c. 
 repeat from beginning. 
 
224 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 $fh round Six long with two chain after each and 
 work in every third stitch, (five long, twelve long with 
 two chain after each, these long put in every third 
 stitch) ; repeat the pattern in brackets. 
 
 lO^A round Nine long with two chain after them, 
 these long being worked in every second loop, (three 
 long, twjo chain, nineteen long with two chain after them, 
 and the long worked in every second loop) ; repeat tho 
 pattern in brackets. 
 
 11 th, 12th, and ~L3th rounds A long and two chain 
 all round, and the long being worked alternately in every 
 second and third loop ; care being taken to bring one 
 into the position to complete each diamond as it is come 
 to. 
 
 A crochet edging, begun with braid, and the last two 
 or three rows worked with gold twist as nearly the size 
 of the braid as may be, and a cord and tassels, finish off 
 this elegant head-dress. 
 
 The cord should be run in and out through the thir- 
 teenth round. We, however, prefer a single-crochet 
 band of some fifty stitches long and six or eight wide, 
 worked in the same material as the net, to a cord, and 
 this band may be finished off with a piece of gold fringe 
 instead of tassels at the ends, or with a scallop of edging 
 crocheted in gold twist. 
 
 DRESS GLOVE BANDS; FULL OR FRILLED 
 SHAPE. 
 
 Take three pieces of fine embroidery chenille, and a 
 No. 3 bone crochet hook. 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 
 
 Make a chain of about forty stitches, or one long 
 enough to go round the wrist ; DC one row. 
 
 3rd row Two long, one chain and miss a stitch re- 
 .peat this all along. Then one row DC. 
 
 6th row Long crochet worked very loosely, so much 
 so as to leave these stitches at least half an inch high ; 
 two stitches to be put into every second or third loop 
 and one in each of the others all the way along ; fasten 
 off. 
 
 Join the chenille now on to the first row, and work a 
 similar row or frill to the one just directed, so that there 
 be one on each side. 
 
 Run a narrow velvet through the holes of the third 
 row and affix wider velvet ends, or chenille tassels to 
 each extremity. Finish off with a button and loop, and 
 flute the frill on each side over the finger to make it set. 
 
 We need scarcely say that the chenille used should be 
 selected to match or agree with the evening dress, and 
 that the velvet must match the chenille. 
 
 These bands may be made to look very handsome by 
 working a row of DC loosely and evenly along, the edge 
 of each frill with gold or silver twist, and running a 
 band of gold or silver braid or trimming through the 
 holes in the third row instead of velvet. Then small 
 bullion tassels to match the twist will form a suitable and 
 elegant finish. 
 
 These bands may be worked round and slid over the 
 hand like muffatees, or made open as we have directed 
 and buttoned, like the glove. The buttons should be 
 covered with crochet, and the loops crocheted. 
 15 
 
226 LADIES BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 KNITTED UNDER HABIT SHIRT. 
 
 Three ounces of Three thread White fleecy Wool, 
 Pair of No. 10 Bone Knitting Pins. Cast on forty-fire 
 stitches. 
 
 Knit three rows. 
 
 4th row Knit ten; X make two and knit two to- 
 gether; knit one; X knit the last six stitches. 
 
 5th row Knit, dropping the second of each of the 
 two made stitches all along. 
 
 Knit eight rows. 
 
 14th roiv Knit ten ; X make one and knit two to- 
 gether X repeat until six remain ; knit three ; make 
 one ; knit three. 
 
 15th row Knit six ; X make one and knit two to- 
 gether X repeat until ten remain, which knit. 
 
 Repeat these two rows three times more each, only not 
 enlarging one (as in the end of roAV fourteen), every time, 
 but only once in four rows, merely knitting the six in 
 the intervening rows. 
 . 22nd row Knit. Knit the next seven rows. 
 
 30^ row Same as 14th. 
 
 31st row Same as 15th. 
 
 Keep on alternately knitting eight open, and then 
 eight knitted rows, and enlarging one stitch at the end in 
 every fourth row until there are a hundred and twenty- 
 four rows. 
 
 Then decrease one stitch at the beginning or front in 
 every other row for thirty-two rows, still continuing the 
 pattern as before, and still enlarging one stitch in every 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 227 
 
 fourth row, at the end or back. This shapes one side of 
 the neck. 
 
 Now knit forty-eight rows without increase or decrease 
 at either end, continuing the pattern or alternation of 
 eight open and eight plain knitted rows. This forms the 
 back of the neck and the bottom of the back of the habit- 
 shirt. 
 
 In the next thirty-two rows we diminish one in every 
 fourth row, by knitting two together at the back, while 
 at the same time in every fourth row, at the back, we 
 knit two together, and make one in order to form a series 
 of holes, or pattern parallel to that on the other side 
 caused by enlarging in every fourth row. We also cast 
 on one, at the opposite end, in every other row, to shape 
 the second side of the neck. We then knit one hundred 
 and twelve rows, having each ten knitted stitches in the 
 front of the habit-shirt, as on the opposite side, and six at 
 the back, and decreasing one in every fourth row, at the 
 back, and continuing the pattern, and also the series of 
 holes at the back. 
 
 Knit eight rows. 
 
 Knit ten stitches, X make two and knit two together; 
 X knit six at end. 
 
 Knit all, dropping the second of each of the two made 
 stitches. Knit two rows ; cast off. 
 
 Now, with same needles, pick up the stitches all along 
 the right front of the habit-shirt ; knit two rows and cast 
 off. Do the same on the left front. Then pick up those 
 of the neck, and do the same, shaping it, if necessary, 
 by knitting two together occasionally. These finishing- 
 off rows look pretty done in pale pink or blue wool 
 
228 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Button-holes may be made thus : in the front or where 
 the ten stitches are, and about once in thirty rows, knit 
 three; cast off four; knit three instead of knitting tho 
 ten as usual. Next row, when we get back to the ten 
 stitches, knit three ; cast on four ; knit three. 
 
 INFANT'S KNITTED SOCKS. 
 
 Half an ounce of White Lamb's Wool. Three No, 
 13 Knitting Needles. Cast on Thirty stitches. 
 
 1st row Knit. 
 
 2nd row Knit two ; make or enlarge tme stitch by 
 picking up one from the previous row and knitting it ; 
 knit all the rest. 
 
 3rc? row Knit. Repeat second and third rows alter- 
 nately four times more each of them. 
 
 12th row Knit two ; make a stitch according to di- 
 rections above given ; knit rest until four remain ; knit 
 two together; knit two. 
 
 . 13th row Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately 
 three times more each. 
 
 20th row Knit two ; enlarge one as before directed ; 
 knit rest until two remain; enlarge one; knit two. 
 
 2~Lst row Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately 
 three more times each. 
 
 28th rowKmt. 
 
 2$th row Knit fourteen stitches, and leave the other 
 upon the needle. Take up the third needle and knit 
 twenty rows more, of fourteen stitches each. 
 
 49?7i row Knit two together ; knit twelve; on same 
 needle, and with same wool, cast on twenty-seven 
 Btitches. 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 229 
 
 50th roiv Knit. 
 
 51st roiv Knit two ; knit two together ; knit rest 
 until four remain ; knit two together ; knit two. 
 
 52nd roiv Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately 
 twice more each. 
 
 57th roiv Knit two ; make one in manner directed ; 
 knit rest until four remain ; knit two together ; knit two. 
 
 58th row Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately 
 three times more each. 
 
 65th row Knit all until four remain ; knit two to- 
 gether ; knit two. 
 
 66th row Knit. Repeat these two rows alternately 
 four more times each. 
 
 75th row Knit. 
 
 76th row Cast off. 
 
 This completes the slipper portion of the sock. We 
 now begin the instep-piece. Take the wool and knit off 
 ten stitches from the needle on which the twenty-seven 
 stitches were left; knit these ten from the toe-end, or 
 that where the twenty rows of fourteen stitches each has 
 been made; leave the remaining seventeen stitches still 
 on the same needle. Knit twenty rows of ten stitches, 
 and in every other one pick up the edge-stitch of the 
 toe-piece and knit it with the tenth stitch, so as to unite 
 these two portions, viz : the toe and the instep. With 
 each stitch of the twentieth row, an edge-stitch of the 
 side at the toe-end of the slipper must be picked up, 
 knitted and cast off, and a neat and entire union of the 
 toe of the slipper and the instep piece formed. 
 
 This instep piece is to be ribbed in rows of four, viz : 
 
230 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 four rows in which the plain side is uppermost, and four 
 rows in which the pearled side is uppermost. 
 
 We now commence the leg portion of the sock. 
 
 With the needle which has been left in the first side 
 of the slipper carefully pick up the edge-stitches all 
 along the instep-piece and side of the slipper ; when this 
 is done, there should be about fifty on the needle. Take 
 the wool and knit all along, including the picked up 
 stitches, and the seventeen originally on the* needle. 
 Knit two rows. 
 
 4th row Knit two ; X make two (not by picking up, 
 but in the ordinary way, by passing the wool twice over 
 the needle), and knit two together ; knit one ; 'X repeat. 
 
 5th row Knit all ; casting off one of each of the 
 double made stitches. Now knit twenty rows ribbed like 
 the instep-piece. 
 
 26th row X Knit one ; make one and knit two to- 
 gether ; X repeat all round. 
 
 27th row Knit. 
 
 28th roiv Knit two ; X make one and knit two to- 
 gether ; knit one ; X repeat. 
 
 29th, 30?A, and 31st rowsKmt. 
 
 32nd row Cast off. 
 
 Take a wool needle, thread it with wool, and sew up 
 the sock neatly, stitch for stitch, from the top of the leg 
 to the point of the sole ; then sew the toe ; turn it ; put 
 on a little rosette of raveled wool ; run a ribbon in and 
 out through the holes at rows 4 and 5, of the leg portion, 
 and it is completed. 
 
 As this is intended for an Infant's Sock, we have or- 
 dered white wool; that being most useful; should it. 
 
ACCOMPLISHMENTS. 231 
 
 however, be wished to knit socks for an older baby, the 
 slipper may be made of Cerise, Scarlet, Pale Blue, 
 Green, or Straw-colored wool ; and the 26th, 27th, and 
 28th rows, of the leg portion, and the casting-oif done in 
 the color of the slipper ; while the instep-piece and the 
 rest of the sock are made in white wool. 
 
 The sock may also be enlarged by casting on extra 
 stitches in the beginning, and adding a couple of rows to 
 each of -the divisions of the slipper part, and enough to 
 the toe to preserve its form and symmetry. 
 
 Almost any of the open anti-maccassar patterns may 
 be used for knitting the sock and instep-piece, if a light 
 lace-like appearance is desired. The well-km wn rose- 
 leaf pattern looks particularly pretty. 
 
CHAPTER XXII. 
 
 SERVANTS. 
 
 * 
 
 AN English writer, speaking of servants, says : 
 " There is no question but that we should seek to per- 
 form all our duties without hope of recompense ; and 
 yet, as regards our treatment of servants, we should he 
 especially careful that, in endeavoring to make their 
 bodily comfort and mental improvement an object of con- 
 sideration, we do not allow ourselves to dwell on the 
 hope of gratitude or affection from them in return. 
 Many have done so, and having, with that .view, been 
 tempted to accord unwise indulgences and to overlook 
 serious faults, they have found that, far from gaining the 
 love of their servants, they have incurred their contempt ; 
 and when they have perceived that their favors, unap- 
 preciated, have led but to new encroachments, they have 
 hardened their hearts and rushed into an opposite ex- 
 treme. Then they have considered their servants as 
 mere machines, from which labor must be extorted by all 
 available means. 
 
 " A man servant is rarely grateful, and seldom at- 
 tached. He is generally incapable of appreciating those 
 
 advantages which, with your cultivated judgment, you 
 232 
 
SERVANTS. 233 
 
 know to be the most conducive to his welfare. Do you 
 accord to him regular hours, a stated allowance of work ; 
 do you refrain from sending him out because it is wet 
 and he is unwell ; do you serve yourself rather than ring 
 for him at dinner time ; he will rarely have the grace to 
 thank you in his heart for your constant consideration. 
 Hear him ! He will thus describe a comfortable place: 
 * There were very few in the family ; when they went 
 out of a night, we made it up of a morning ; we had nice 
 hot suppers, and the cook made a good hash for break- 
 fast, and we always got luncheon between that and din- 
 ner ; and we were all very comfortable together, and had 
 a friend in when we liked. Master swore at us some- 
 times, but often made us a present fer it when he had 
 been very violent ; a good-hearted man as ever lived, and 
 mistress was quite the lady, and never meddled with 
 servants. It was a capital place !' 
 
 " Servants' sympathies are with their equals. They 
 feel for a 'poor servant run off his legs, and moped to 
 death ; they have no feeling for a pains-taking mistress, 
 economical both from principle and scanty means ; they 
 would (most of them) see her property wasted, and her 
 confidence abused without compunction. It is the last 
 effort of a virtue in a servant if, without any private 
 reason, he should discharge his duty by informing you 
 of the injury which you are enduring at the hands of his 
 fellow servant. It is an effort of virtue, for it will bring 
 down many a bitter taunt and hard word upon his faith- 
 ful head, '/never got a servant out of a place by tell- 
 ing tales on him,' will be said to him. Directly a ser 
 vant departs, we all know, tongues, tied before, are 
 
234 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 loosed, to gain our favor by apparent candor. When it 
 can avail us nothing, we are told. We all know this, and 
 have said, 'Be silent now, you should have mentioned 
 this at the time.' Supposing, then, you have the rara 
 avis, the servant that ' speaks at the time,' be chary of 
 him, or let me say her, (the best servants are women,) 
 Oh ! as you value her, let her not suppose you cannot 
 part with her. Treat her with confidence, but with strict 
 impartiality ; reprove when necessary, mildly, but de- 
 cidedly ; lest she should presume (power is so tempting), 
 and compel you, if you would retain your freedom, to let 
 her go.' 
 
 " There is one thing a man servant values beyond all 
 that your kindness and your consideration can do for 
 him his liberty ; liberty to eat, drink, and be merry, 
 with your things in the company of his own friends ; 
 liberty to get the housemaid to clean his candlesticks, 
 arid bring up his coals ; and the housemaid wishes for 
 liberty to lie in bed in the morning, because she was up 
 so late talking to John in the pantry ; liberty to wear 
 flounces and flowers. The cook desires liberty too. For 
 this liberty, if you grant it, they will despise you ; if 
 you deny it, they will respect you. Aim at their esteem ; 
 despair of their love or gratitude ; make your place what 
 the best class of servants will value, and, though in their 
 heart, they may not thank you for it, you will gain, per- 
 haps, one servant out of twenty who will keep gross im- 
 position and gross immorality at bay. 
 
 " These remarks can never be intended to deny the 
 warm attachment of female servants to the children of 
 their employers. Deep love, no doubt, is lavished by 
 
SERVANTS. 235 
 
 many a woman on the babe she has nursed. There is a 
 great deal to be said on the chapter of nurses which 
 would require to be dealt with by itself. Much wisdom 
 is required in the administration of a nursery, to which 
 few general rules would apply. Cruel is the tyranny the 
 'nurse frequently practises on the parent, who often re- 
 frains from entering her nursery, not from want of love 
 to her children, but positive dread of the sour looks which 
 greet her. Let her be firm, let no shrinking from 
 grieving her darling, who would c break his heart if his 
 Nanna went,' deter her from discharging the encroaching 
 servant. 
 
 "" I know a lady \vho .was quietly informed by her 
 nurse that she must have a i specified hour' for visiting 
 her children, for that her entering without ceremony was 
 most inconvenient. The poor young lady, who was fully 
 persuaded her delicate infant would die, if removed to a 
 stranger's hands, meekly obeyed, and though tortured by 
 the cries of the poor sickly baby, never dared to intrude 
 lest the nurse should abandon it. This is a true history, 
 and the sequel may as well be given : that the nurse re- 
 mained seven years, at the end of which time, having 
 become insupportable, though really devoted to the 
 children, she gave warning, and, though it cost her 
 mistress bitter tears and much resolution, she was suf- 
 fered to depart, and then peace entered that house." 
 
 " On the chdice of servants much of the comfort of the 
 young housekeeper depends. It often happens that her 
 choice has been determined by appearance rather than 
 the value of character. If such be the case, she will 
 have many difficulties to encounter. It is, in the present 
 
236 LADIES' BODK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 day, hardly safe to take a servant if there be a single 
 objection to character, however it may be glossed over 
 by the person referred to on this point; for there is now 
 an unhealthy disposition to pass over the failings of 
 servants who have left their places, and to make them 
 perfect in the eyes of others. In respect to sobriety, 
 many people will not acknowledge that a servant had had 
 the vice of drinking, but will cover the unpleasant truth 
 in such gentle and plausible terms that it becomes diffi- 
 cult to comprehend how far the hint is grounded, or not. 
 Be assured when a lady or gentleman hesitates on this 
 point, or on that of honesty, it is wiser not to engage a 
 servant. Nor are you deviating from Christian charity 
 in not overlooking a dereliction of so material a sort. 
 The kindest plan to the vast community of domestic 
 servants is to be rigid in all important points, and having, 
 after a due experience, a just confidence in them, to be 
 somewhat indulgent to errors of a more trivial nature. 
 
 " If all young housekeepers were strict upon the subject 
 of dress, much misery to servants would be saved, much 
 temptation avoided, and self-reproach prevented. Instead 
 of this kind, and wise, and matronly particularity, a typo 
 of the good, old-fashioned common sense of our grand- 
 mothers, ladies now countenance their ladies'-maids in 
 discontinuing caps, or, if they have caps, in wearing 
 flowers and lacte, flowered gowns, and other items of 
 little apparent moment in detail, but of rriuch importance 
 to a community as serviceable to. the public when well 
 managed and respectable, as they are odious and noxious 
 when immoral or insolent. After these cruel indulgences, 
 ladies marvel when they find servants rise above their 
 
SERVANTS. 237 
 
 station and that they will not bear even .a mild reproof; 
 they wonder that a plaip, useful servant is nowhere to be 
 met with. There is now no medium between the fine 
 lady with mittens and flowers who dresses your hair, and 
 the dirty sloven of a lodging-house. All housemaids 
 must now be upper housemaids ; cooks must be cooks 
 and housekeepers. The homely housemaid that inval- 
 uable character in her way is indeed difficult to bo 
 found ; and, at a time when cleanliness is at its zenith, 
 the rarity is to discover any one who will clean. All, 
 except the raw country girl, expect to have deputies ; 
 and, if we go on to perfection in this unhealthy system, 
 we shall soon have no working servants above twenty 
 years of age. The consequence is, that a greater num- 
 ber of servants are kept in every household than for- 
 merly in similar families ; many of these menials are 
 corrupted by congregating together and by idleness. 
 The loud and crying complaints of the worthlessness of 
 this class are but too justly founded. That they are 
 more mercenary than ever, is owing to the pernicious 
 system which lifts them up above their condition, but 
 fails to elevate them in the moral standard. In the 
 scale of virtue they sink every day lower and lower ; in 
 the outward attributes they are, as they consider it, raised 
 in character and improved in appearance. 
 
 " But is it so ? The beauty of every thing is fitness,, 
 Is the half-fine, unlady-like, yet lady-like creature, who 
 answers to your dressing-room bell, half so respectable 
 as the old-fashioned, plainly dressed, careful, homely 
 maiden of your young days ? Is it not with a feeling 
 of disgust that you turn from the attempted finery, and 
 
238 LADIES BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 sigh for plain collars, and caps undecked by flowers ; 
 again ? I think, among the best- bred, the most sensible, 
 and, indeed, the most highly born people of a superior 
 stamp, this disgust is so strong that, in some families, a 
 grave and suitable costume is introduced for the female 
 servants, and the effect is satisfactory, both on the ap- 
 pearance and on the mode of thinking of these persons. 
 Bat this wise, and therefore kind plan, is far from being 
 general ; and I have heard that a lady's-maid complained 
 to her mistress that she found herself the subject of 
 ridicule, owing to her not -wearing silks, and indeed 
 satins, as the other ladies'-maids did. 
 
 " It becomes the" duty of ladies of influence to rise 
 above the silly vanity which, I fear, affects some of them, 
 of seeing their ladies'-maids as smart as ladies, and to 
 oppose innovations on the decencies of society, so per- 
 nicious to the class upon whom much of our comfort de- 
 pends. In setting out in life, a young married lady 
 ought to be more than ordinarily strict in these matters, 
 for her inexperience will certainly be taken advantage 
 of to some extent. If she be rich enough to have a 
 hosuekeeper, let her endeavor to select one of strict; re- 
 ligious' faith, plain in attire, grave, but kind, and of good 
 sense, and even intelligence ; for cultivation of mind will 
 never, whatever may be stated, detract from the utility 
 of a servant. It is absurd to attribute to the diffusion 
 of knowledge the deterioration of servants ; it is rather 
 owing to the scanty amount of knowledge among them. 
 Most, superficial is the education about which so much 
 is said and written; were servants more thoroughly 
 grounded in many branches of knowledge, they would be 
 
' SERVANTS, 239 
 
 wiser, less rapacious, more systematic, and tetter con- 
 tented than they are. They are wretched reasoners, 
 generally losing sight of their own true interest, and 
 grasping at that which is unreal and visionary. If they 
 were better educated, this would not be the case ; they 
 would be less vain, less credulous ; they would know 
 what qualities to respect ; they would weigh Letter the 
 advantage of their lot ; and they would work better as 
 servants. They would give mind, where now they only 
 give hands ; and their acquirements, taken from school as 
 they are in very early youth, are not ever likely to be 
 such as to make the routine of their work distasteful io 
 them, from over refinement or cultivation. 
 
 "It is always desirable to have, if possible, servants of 
 one faith. But if it so happens that you have a Roman 
 Catholic servant and a Protestant in your service, you 
 are bound to allow each the free exercise of her religion, 
 and you ought not to respect them if, out of interest, 
 they will conform to yours. An exercise of authority 
 on this point amounts, in my opinion, to an act of ty- 
 ranny, and it can only tend to promote insincerity, and, 
 perhaps, engender scepticism in its object. Nothing is, 
 indeed, so dangerous as to unsettle the faith of the lower 
 classes, who have neither time nor opportunity of fairly 
 considering subjects of religious controversy. 
 
 "While on the subject of servants, I must deprecate the 
 over-indulgence of the present system towards them, 
 Formerly they were treated with real kindness, but it 
 was the kindness thai exacted duty in return, and took a 
 real interest in the welfare of each servant. The recip- 
 rocal tie in former times between servant and master was 
 
240 LADIES' BOOK OE ETIQUETTE. 
 
 strong, now it is wholly gone. The easy rule of masters 
 and mistresses proceeds far more from indifference than 
 from kindness of heart ; for the real charity is to keep 
 servants steadily to their duties. They are a class of 
 persons to whom much leisure is destruction ; the pur- 
 suits of their idle hours are seldom advantageous to 
 them, and theirs are not minds which can thrive in re- 
 pose. Idleness, to them, is peculiarly the root of all 
 evil, for, if their time is not spent in vicious amusements. 
 it is often passed in slander, discontent, or vanity. In 
 writing thus, I do not recommend a hard or inconsider- 
 ate system to servants. They require, and in many in- 
 stances they merit, all that can be done to alleviate a situ- 
 ation of servitude. They ought not to be the slaves of 
 caprice or the victims of temper. Their work should be 
 measured out with a just hand ; but it should be regularly 
 exacted in as much perfection as can be expected in va- 
 riable and erring human nature. 
 
 "Another point on which I would recommend firmness 
 is that of early hours. In this respect example is as im- 
 portant as precept ; but, however uncertain you may be 
 yourself, I would not relax a rule of that kind. For 
 every comfort during the day depends upon the early 
 rising of your servants. Without this, all their several 
 departments are hurried through or neglected in some 
 important respect, 
 
 " Your mode of address to servants must be decisive, 
 yet mild. The authorita.tive tone I do n&*t recommend 
 It is very unbecoming to any young person, and it rarely 
 attains the end dosired; but there is a quiet dignity of 
 deportment whicj few servauta ever can resist. This 
 
SERVANTS. 241 
 
 should be tempered with, kindness, when circumstances 
 call it forth, but should never descend to familiarity. 
 For no caution is more truly kind than which confines 
 servants strictly to their own sphere. 
 
 "Much evil results from the tendency, more especially 
 of very young, or of very old mistresses of families, to 
 partiality. Commonly, one servant becomes the almost 
 avowed favorite ; and it is difficult to say whether that 
 display of partiality is the more pernicious to the servant 
 who is the object of it, or to the rankling and jealous 
 minds of the rest of the household. It is true l!nat it is 
 quite impossible to avoid entertaining a greater degree 
 of confidence in some servants than in others ; but it 
 should be shown with a due regard to the feelings of all. 
 It is, of course, allowable towards those who take a de- 
 cidedly responsible and confidential situation in a house- 
 hold. Still, never let such person's assume the reins of 
 government ; let them act the part of helmsman to the 
 vessel, but not aspire to the control of the captain. 
 
 "It is generally wise and right, after a due experience 
 of the principles and intentions of servants, to place 
 confidence in their honesty, and to let them have the 
 comfort of knowing that you do so. At the same time, 
 never cease to exercise a system of supervision. The 
 great principle of housekeeping is regularity; and with- 
 out this (one of the most difficult of the minor virtues to 
 practice) all efforts to promote order must be ineffectual. 
 I have seen energetic women, clever and well-intentioned, 
 fail in attaining a good method, owing to their being un- 
 certain in hours,' governed by impulse, and capricious. 
 I have seen women, inferior in capacity, slow, and apa- 
 16 
 
242 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 thetic, make excellent heads of families, as far as their 
 household was concerned, from their steadiness and 
 regularity. Their very power of enduring monotony 
 has been favorable to their success in this way, especially 
 if they are not called upon to act in peculiar and diffi- 
 cult cases, in which their actual inferiority is traceable. 
 But these are not the ordinary circumstances of life. 
 
 " In closing these remarks on the management of serv- 
 ants, let me exhort you never to forget that they are 
 fellow-laborers, in the life of probation, with ourselves ; 
 let us ftot embitter their lives by harshness, or proffer to 
 them temptation from carelessness and over-indulgence. 
 Since all that is given us of this world's goods is but in 
 trust, let us regard our servants as beings for whose con- 
 duct, while under our control, we are more or less re- 
 sponsible. It is true that, if they come to us with 
 morals wholly depraved, it is not likely that the most 
 strenuous exertions can amend them ; but many waver 
 between good and evil. Let us endeavor to excite in 
 their minds a respect for virtue, to give them motives for 
 industry, inducements to save their wages. Those who 
 have large households should not deem the morals of the 
 meanest of their servants beneath their investigation, or 
 too obscure for their influence to reach." 
 
 Some attention is absolutely necessary, in this country, 
 to the training of servants, as they come here from the 
 lowest ranks of English and Irish peasantry, with as 
 much idea of politeness as the pig domesticated in the 
 cabin of the latter. 
 
 Opening the door seems a simple act, yet few servants 
 perform it in a proper, respectful manner. Let your 
 
SERVANTS. 24S 
 
 tervant understand that the door must be opened imme 
 diately after the -bell rings. Visitors, from neglect of 
 this rule, will often ring several times, and finally leave 
 the door. I have known an instance when in a case of 
 severe illness the patient lost the visit of the doctor, 
 who, after ringing some minutes, was obliged to pay 
 other visits, and could not return to the sufferer's house 
 until several hours later. 
 
 When opening the door some servants hold it ajar and 
 hold a long parley with the person on the steps, as if 
 afraid they wished to enter for the purpose of murder or 
 theft. 
 
 Train them to answer the door promptly, speak po- 
 litely to any one who may be there, excuse you, if ne- 
 cessary, to visitors in courteous terms, or, if you are in, 
 show the callers into the parlor, take their card, and come 
 back quickly with your answer. 
 
CHAPTER XXIII. 
 ON A YOUNG LADY'S CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING 
 
 MARRIAGE. 
 
 THE following chapter, met with in a recent perusal 
 of an English work for young ladies, strikes me as .so 
 admirable, and so appropriate in this place, that I quote 
 the chapter entire : 
 
 " The difficulties and trials of life have only just begun 
 when a young lady fancies herself to be of sufficient 4 im- 
 portance to become the theme of animadversion. She 
 knows little of the true importance of self-control, until 
 she experiences the first indications of preference shown 
 her by the other sex. 
 
 " Such indications are often manifested, whilst she to 
 "whom they are directed, is wholly unprepared to analyze 
 her own feelings, before her opinions upon what she has 
 seen are by any means developed ; before she has even 
 considered adequately, on what her happiness depends ; 
 before she has discernment to reject what is frivolous, or 
 wisdom to prefer what is good. This is more especially 
 the case in the the highest and lowest classes, in which, 
 by a strange analogy, they either rush into the marriage 
 
 state whilst children, or wait until the bloom and hopes 
 244 
 
CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MAKRIAGE. "245 
 
 of youth have forever passed away, in order to form in- 
 terested matches. The matured period of five-and- 
 twen.y to thirty, is passed by the lower classes in the 
 single state in labor to gain subsistence ; after thirty, or 
 even forty, we often find them marrying. But the 
 majority have sealed their own fate before the age of 
 twenty. 
 
 " In high life, the same haste to dispose of daughters 
 prevails as among the lowest classes. At seventeen, 
 most of our belles of fashion expect to receive proposals. 
 If they "do not marry within a few years after their 
 introduction, they have a mortified sense of having lost 
 time that the expectations of friends and of parents 
 have not been fulfilled ; that others have i gone off ' 
 before them. The next ten years are often a period of 
 subdued vexation, and the sweetness and contentment of 
 the original character is impaired. About seven or eight 
 and twenty, the views of life are sobered the expecta- 
 tions chastened a renovation takes place women again 
 become agreeable ; their minds must in the lapse of time, 
 even with a miserable store of observation, have improved. 
 They then often marry and, if the union be not a mere 
 effort of despair, if it be based on sound and holy prin- 
 ciples, and on good sense, there is, for both parties en- 
 gaged, a great likelihood of happiness. 
 
 " But, it may be naturally contended, that there come 
 not to all young ladies the opportunities of which I write ; 
 that indications of preference arrive not to all. I am 
 inclined to believe that, with good temper, pleasing man- 
 ners, and respectable connections, there exists, in modern 
 society, very few young ladies who have not received 
 
246 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 under various circumstances, some marks of preference, 
 more or less decided. Beauty and plainness arc arbi- 
 trary, not positive, terms. Unless there be any actual 
 deformity, any great infirmity, in which case I think it 
 were cruel to pre-suppose the likelihood of such'indica* 
 tions, there is no one, that I hardly ever met with, who 
 has not had, on some grounds, her partizans and ad- 
 mirers. The plain are often particularized as elegant; 
 tastes vary : even a sour look I have heard admired as 
 sensible, cold manners eulogized as correct. Opinion,, 
 however it may generally verge to the correct, springs 
 from so many sources, it is so governed by association 
 of ideas, such trifles may guide it, that I am never sur- 
 prised at the latitude given to personal encomium nor at 
 the endless variety and incongruity of human judgment. 
 It is well that all have a chance of being approved, ad- 
 mired, beloved, and it remains for them to avail them- 
 selves of those possibilities which contribute so much to 
 happiness. For we are sympathizing beings, and a law of 
 our nature makes us look for a return of sympathy. We 
 are sent here to form ties, and to love, and to be loved, 
 whether the term applies to parental, or filial, or frater- 
 nal love or whether it respects the less sure and more 
 fitful experiences of love, in its ordinary sense. 
 
 " I do not blame the parents who instil into their 
 children of both sexes a desire to be married. I think 
 those who teach the young a different lesson deceive 
 them. Marriage, with all its chances, its infelicities, its 
 sacrifices, is seldom so infelicitous, so uncertain, so full 
 of sacrifice, as the single state. Life must have some 
 objects, and those objects must be progressive. The 
 
CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE. 247 
 
 mind is happier and healthier with such interests, even 
 if sorrow comes along with them, than in its solitude, its 
 desolate freedom from care, when having, as the phrase 
 is, no troubles of the conjugal sort to disturb its tran- 
 quillity. I therefore do not censure those who desire to 
 see their daughters happily and suitably established in 
 life. It is the indiscreet and vulgar haste, the indelicacy, 
 the low mercenary views, and the equally low ambition 
 to compass a splendid match, which is blameable and re- 
 volting in the parental conduct. 
 
 " Many are, however, blessed with guides and guardi- 
 ans of very different characters ; with parents, whose 
 lofty natures not only reject such unworthy notions, but 
 somewhat incline to the extreme of repelling all advances 
 for their daughters. In either case, the conduct of a 
 young lady may be the same. It is she who must form 
 her own destiny in points on which none can effectually 
 aid her. It is she who is to be the happy wife, or the 
 wretched victim ; and it is to her that these observations 
 of admonition and of warning are addressedl Let us 
 suppose her young, of course, attractive in appearance, of 
 good birth, and some fortune. I here except heiresses, who, 
 being anomalies, deserve a particular paragraph for them- 
 selves. But let us suppose that no obstacle of family 01 
 connection interferes to check the approach of a suitor. 
 
 " The eyes of her family and of her young friends are 
 upon her, when a young lady receives the first indications 
 of preference. She is generally ashamed of it. This is 
 the first sentiment of a modest and ingenuous mind, and 
 it is one indication, in my opinion, of the irnpropriet} 7 of. 
 early marriages. Nature seems still to wish to keep the 
 
248 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 young and blushing girl apart from that connection which 
 entails grave and arduous duties. But Nature's voice is 
 far less often heard than that of her adversary, expedi- 
 ency. I must, therefore, shape my injunctions to that 
 which exists, not to that which we would wish to exist. 
 
 " Almost sinking under this painful sense of shame, 
 this novel disturbance of her usual set of feelings, a 
 young girl catches at the first reed to save herself from 
 observation and detection. I mean detection of her per-, 
 ception of that which others may or may not see. She 
 seizes upon ridicule. She pretends to laugh at one, 
 whom sometimes her youthful romantic fancy dwells upon 
 in a very different sense. She laughs at the foibles, sup- 
 posed or real, of her admirer : she plays a dangerous 
 game. If any of those to whom she imparts her witti- 
 cisms are malevolently disposed or thoughtless, she runs 
 a risk either of wounding the feelings of a man whom 
 she does not like, or of losing the regard of one whom 
 she might in time not only esteem, but love. 
 
 " Another effect of such attentions as awaken a con- 
 sciousness in a young lady's mind, is the gratification of 
 vanity, perhaps until then latent in her heart. The first 
 preference is apt to upset the reason of its object as of 
 him who shows it. The word vanity does not seem to 
 imply danger. Vanity is generally considered an inno- 
 cent failing ; but it is innocent only as some kinds of 
 food are to a healthy subject. On a weak, or even on 
 an inexperienced mind, it acts, sometimes, fatally for the 
 vain. A girl is either carried away by admiration so as 
 to be flippant and foolish, or she is blinded by her vanity 
 to the failings of the man who first admires her. She is 
 
CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE. 249 
 
 intoxicated with the notion of an offer of marriage ; she 
 imagines, in her simplicity, effervesced as it is by the in- 
 fusion of flattered vanity, that she has inspired such an 
 attachment as will never be recovered, should she prove 
 adverse to it. Many an engagement has been formed 
 under this conviction, and fulfilled only to prove its fal- 
 lacy, for the love which was supposed too strong to sur- 
 vive disappointment, has expired in the fruition of its 
 hopes. 
 
 " To guard against either of these risks to happiness, 
 a well-educated girl should endeavor, in this, to exercise 
 her judgment. She should be sincere. She is blame- 
 able to ridicule the attentions which are meant as compli- 
 mentary to her. They ought to be at least regarded 
 with respect. 
 
 " Should they not be acceptable, she is inexcusable to 
 requite them with levity and disdain. Let her reflect 
 how she would like such conduct herself. Besides, she 
 is often making a bitter enemy ; perhaps she is exciting 
 fierce and unamiable sentiments in one who otherwise 
 might have been regarded as a mild and worthy indi- 
 vidual. Let her be undeceived if she supposes that in 
 thus- doing she is carrying herself with dignity, or ac- 
 quiring any added admiration from others. She ceases, 
 in thus acting, to support the characteristics of a gentle- 
 woman, which are mildness, courtesy, and reserve. If 
 she cherishes, in spite of her pretended disgust, a secret 
 partiality for the individual who distinguishes her, if she 
 is lowering the esteem of a man whom she prefers, she 
 nut only incurs the hazard of losing his regard, but she 
 Is scattering ridicule on one whom she afterwards avows 
 
250 LADIES* BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 as her choice. In that case, she is lowering herself, or 
 she is sowing the seeds of distrust in the minds of those 
 who know her she is, perhaps, frustrating and delaying 
 her own happiness. Let her act with candor, with con- 
 sideration, with good sense, and all this web which her 
 folly would weave around, her will not embarrass her, 
 Let her not madly and obstinately resist the advice oi 
 those on whose affection to her, and on whose good judg- 
 ment, experience has taught her to rely. Let her be a 
 child in nothing except humility ; let her listen to coun- 
 sels ; yet her own heart must decide for her none can 
 know so well as herself its secret throbs, or the impres- 
 sion of dislike or of regard which has been made upon it. 
 
 " I am, I confess, an enemy to trying to like a person, 
 as 1 have rarely seen such a mental process end in hap- 
 piness to either party. If an advantageous proposal 
 offer itself, it is wiser decidedly to refuse it, than to trust 
 to the slow growth of affection, upon a foundation of 
 original dislike. And the trials of married life are such, 
 its temptations to irritability and contention are so 
 manifold, its anxieties so unforseen and so complicated, 
 that few can steer their difficult course safely and hap- 
 pily, unless there be a deep and true attachment, to 
 contend with all the storms which may arise in the navi- 
 gation. 
 
 " Deeply impressed with this conviction, should it be 
 the lot of any young lady in whom I were interested to 
 form a real, well-grounded attachment, to a man whose 
 circumstances were indifferent, I should counsel her, pro- 
 vided she can depend on the character and exertions of 
 the obj ?ct so beloved, to risk the event of an engage- 
 
CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE. 251 
 
 ment to trust to time and Providence, and to marry 
 whenever means were afforded, convinced as I am, that 
 patience, and trust, and true affection, raise the charac- 
 ter, and are acceptable in the eves of our Heavenly Fa- 
 ther. But in such a case, she must school her mind to 
 meet the anxieties which attend limited means. She 
 must prepare herself, by harfbits of diligence and "economy, 
 to become a poor man's wife. She must learn the diffi- 
 cult art of doing well upon a little. She must not, be 
 she in any rank of life, think to indulge with impunity 
 to herself in every refinement and luxury when she is 
 single ; and, upon her marriage, imagine that she can 
 attain the practice of economy by wishing it. Such 
 metamorphoses are out of reason out of nature. She 
 must endeavor before the bond which ties her to poverty 
 is framed, to understand the duties of housekeeping, the 
 mysteries of needle-work. She must lay down to her- 
 self rules of expenditure suitable, in part, to her future 
 condition in life. Many a wife, thus commencing, has 
 laid the foundations of future fortune, at least independ- 
 ence, to her husband, by keeping his mind at peace, 
 during his progress up the steep ascent to professional, 
 or clerical, or literary fame. Many a home has been 
 cheered by domestic forbearance, and placid submission 
 to circumstances, even in the higher classes, during the 
 life-time of a father, or in the course of those long ex- 
 pectancies, in which the fortitude and principle of many 
 of the aristocracy are tried and proved. But the self- 
 denial, the cheerfulness, the good management, the strict 
 principle, are formed at an earlier period than that in 
 which a young lady gives her hand to him whom she 
 
262 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 has chosen, in spite of the frown of fortune, as her hus- 
 band. 
 
 " Of this let the young be assured ; there are few situ- 
 ations in life, in which a man, young, and in health, 
 cannot meliorate his circumstances, if he possess energy 
 and if 'he be stimulated by a true affection. The cler- 
 gyman, with humble stipena, often hopeless from want 
 of interest, has leisure he has had education. He 
 may, if he desires to assist himself, have recourse to 
 literary labor, or to tuition. If he make not such ex- 
 ertion, during the course of an engagement, what hope 
 can there be of him in future life ? 
 
 " The young lawyer, however tedious his advancement, 
 however few his opportunities, may also distinguish him- 
 self in a literary career. Innumerable are the subjects 
 open to one of such a profession. ' How few avail them- 
 selves of the chance ! Upon this rely, the man truly in 
 love will make the effort. To the military man, though 
 perhaps he may be less qualified, the same course is open, 
 in a degree. Some of our best travels, some of our 
 most amusing literary productions, have been the com- 
 positions of military men. And the advantage of this 
 mode of aiding a small fortune is, that a man not only 
 does not lower, but he raises his position by it, if his 
 works are moral, written in a gentlemanly spirit, and af- 
 fording information. However deep the attachment, 
 however agreeable the object, if a man be indisposed, to 
 help himself to independence and competence. I should 
 counsel no woman to continue an engagement formed in 
 the expectation of 'times mending.' When I advocate 
 
CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE. 253 
 
 the indulgence of attachment, it is to worthy, not to un- 
 worthy, objects. 
 
 "I n)w come to speak of moral character. Hard is 
 the contest between affection and expediency, when it "s 
 raised by the question of circumstances. But harder 
 Btill is it, when its result is to be decided upon an inquiry 
 into moral conduct. I know not a more cruel situation 
 than that when the heart is bestowed on one whom the 
 judgment could not approve. I know not one which 
 should be more strictly guarded against, not only by pa- 
 rents and friends, but (for I would impress on every 
 young lady how much she may prove the best guardian 
 of her own happiness) by the female heart itself. 
 
 " With every vigilance, with little to blame, little to 
 repent, such cases will occur in this world. The feelings 
 are interested, but the judgment distrusts. Happy is it 
 for those who know the combat between affection and 
 principle only in single life, and have not the misery of 
 encountering so severe a destiny when it can no longer 
 be remedied who know not how to fulfill the vow to 
 honor what is proved to be unworthy and yet still must 
 love, for the affections once given, are little in our own 
 power. 
 
 " In such a case occurring to the young, in, perhaps, 
 a first attachment, I think they must be guided by 
 friends. I am not an advocate for the interference of 
 friends : where it is much a question of a long and con- 
 tingent engagement a question of being married at 
 once, or of waiting, in some uncertainty a question of 
 ease or discomfort, of limited means or luxury in such 
 instances, if the moral character be unexceptionable, it 
 
264 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 is the duty of parents to point out all the risk, all the 
 disadvantages, but to leave the heart to form its own de- 
 cisions. Let them not seek to wrench the affections 
 from the channel in which they flowed, when fresh from 
 their source. They cannot know how deep the channel 
 is they cannot know if ever those pure and beautiful 
 waters will flow in peace again when once hastily turned 
 aside. But in cases of moral character, of right or 
 wrong, the affair is wholly different, and the strictest 
 parental authority ought, upon due inquiry, to be exer- 
 cised. 
 
 " Submission and self-control are then the duty of the 
 young sufferer for a sufferer she truly is; no page of 
 her after-history could unfold a bitterer pang. But 
 peace and hope come at last the struggle, though vio- 
 lent, leaves behind it none of that corroding sorrow, 
 which would have accompanied the acquiescence of pa- 
 rents in a union unblessed by a Providence, whose will 
 is that all should be pure, even as He above is pure. 
 Had your fond wishes been granted, young arid trusting 
 being, how fearful would have been your condition ! 
 For there is no suspicion so revolting to an innocent 
 mind as that which unseats love from his throne in our 
 affections, and places another in his stead. Be assured 
 of this little can you know of the moral conduct of the 
 other sex ; little is it desirable that you should know. 
 But whenever improprieties are so flagrant as to be mat- 
 ters of conversation ; when the good shun, and the pity- 
 ing forbear to excuse ; be assured some deeper cause 
 than you can divine exists for the opprobrium. Think 
 not that your empire over affections thus wasted can be 
 
CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE. 255 
 
 a real one. It is transient, it will not last it will not 
 bring reformation it will never be adequately requited. 
 Throw yourself on the judgment of those whose interest 
 in you has been life-long, or of such as you know truly 
 regard your happiness ; conquer the unhallowed prefer- 
 ence ; pray for support and guidance ; trust in Him who 
 4 catereth for the sparrow.' 
 
 " But, when the commencement of life is chilled by so 
 cruel a sorrow when the blight has fallen on the bud 
 we must not only look up to heavenly aid, we must take 
 every means of care for an unfortunate, and, when once 
 the judgment is convinced of the unworthiness of the 
 object, a blameable attachment. How often, in the 
 Psalms, in the Gospels, the word i Help' is reiterated ! 
 We are to help ourselves we must work for our heavenly 
 peace on earth the mental discipline, to prosper, must 
 be aided by divine grace, but its springs roust be from 
 our own hearts. And, to fulfill the will of God in this, 
 as in the other events of life, let us take such means as 
 may aid us in the work of self-government. 
 
 " In the first place, let employment be resorted to bv 
 the sorrowing, do not indulge in tears ; do not sit alone : 
 abstain, for a time, from music ; abstain from the perusal 
 of poetry, or works of imagination. They still more 
 soften the feelings and open up the sources of grief. 
 Read works of fact endeavor to occupy yourself witb 
 the passing events of the world. And, when the over- 
 burdened heart cannot be comforted, or its thoughts di- 
 verted for there will be moments too mournful to be re- 
 sisted go forth into the fields, go to the houses of the 
 poor see the goodness and mercy of God see too, the 
 
256 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 patience and long-suffering of the poor, who. may often 
 set the rich an example of fortitude. Occupy yourself, 
 if you can, with children ; their freshness, their joyful 
 unconsciousness, the elasticity of their spirits, will sus- 
 tain and draw you from yourself, or have recourse to the 
 soothing calmness of the aged. Hear them converse 
 upon the affairs of life ; how they appreciate the import- 
 ance of each passing event, as a traveler does the ruts 
 and inequalities of the road he has traversed. How 
 their confidence in the effect of time sustains you ! and 
 you turn from them, reflecting on all that the happiest 
 of them must necessarily have endured. Be assured of 
 your own recovery, under an influence so certain. 
 
 " Avoid young persons of your own age. If possible, 
 except to a sister, whose deep interest in you will proba- 
 bly teach her a superior lesson, never confide in young 
 friends, a similar trial as that to which I have referred. 
 In general, your resolution will be weakened, your feel- 
 ings re-excited, your confidence in your best advisers 
 will be shaken. For the young usually take the part 
 of the- rejected lover they delight in that dangerous 
 species of sympathy which flatters with hope. They 
 are naturally incredulous as to the delinquencies of a 
 man who is agreeable, and in love ; they incline to the 
 notion of the hard-heartedness of fathers, uncles, and 
 elder brothers ; and even, if they happen to possess good 
 sense, or to exercise the rare quality of prudence in such 
 matters, the very communication of any sorrcw, or the 
 recital of any feelings, gives not only a merely tern* 
 porary relief, but deadens that sorrow and strengthens 
 those feelings, which grow every time they are imparted. 
 
CONDUCT WHEN CONTEMPLATING MARRIAGE. 257 
 
 If you wish to recover and, if you have a sound and 
 well-disposed mind, you will wish to recover you must, 
 after the first burst of grief is over, speak but rarely of 
 a theme too painful and delicate to bear the contact of 
 rude minds too dangerous to dwell upon with those of 
 a kindlier and loftier nature. 
 
 " To your female relations to your mother,, more es 
 pecially, too great an openness cannot be practiced on 
 these points, but openness does not imply a "perpetual 
 recurrence to a theme, which must wear out patience and 
 exhaust all but maternal sympathy, in time. For ma- 
 ternal sympathy is exhaustless; be generous, and restrain, 
 from that very reflection, the continual demand upon its 
 flow. The first person to consult, the last to afflict a 
 mother should not be the victim of her daughter's feel- 
 ings. Her judgment should not be weakened by the in- 
 cessant indulgence of a daughter's sorrows. 
 
 U I would, on many grounds, caution the young 
 against hasty engagements. It seems extraordinary 
 that the welfare of a life should often be determined 
 upon the acquaintance of a few weeks. The principles, 
 it is true, may be ascertained from the knowledge of 
 others, the manners may please, the means and expecta- 
 tions may all be clearly understood. But the temper 
 that word of unspeakable import the daily habits, the 
 power of constancy these are not to be known without 
 a long and severe examination of the motives, and a 
 daily observation of the conduct, of others. Very little 
 suffices to mar the happiness of married life, if that little 
 proceed in the character of a man, from a rooted selfish- 
 ness. 
 17 
 
258 LADIES BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 "It is true, in regard to this defect, that much may 
 be done by a wife to meliorate a vice of character which 
 is, in some, only the result of never having had their 
 feelings developed. But if there exist not this excuse 
 if, in spite of ties, which are dearer to an affectionate 
 mind than existence ; you find a man preferring his own 
 comfort to that of those whom he professes to love if 
 you find him imperious to his servants, dictatorial to sis- 
 ters, on cool terms with brothers, there is little hope that 
 the mental disease will ever be rooted out, so as to leave 
 a healthy character of mind. Examine well into this 
 point ; for a hasty temper may be remedied, and even 
 endured but the deep, slow, sullen course of a selfish 
 nature wears away hope, imparts a cankering care, and, 
 with it, often disgust. No defect is so little to be re- 
 sisted as selfishness. It creeps into every detail ; it in- 
 fects the minutest affairs of life as well as the greatest 
 concerns. It depresses the humble sufferer from its 
 baneful effects ; it irritates the passions of the unamiable. 
 Study well the character in trifles ; nor venture to risk 
 your bark on the sea of matrimony, unless you know 
 well how far this man, whom you might prefer, is free 
 from this deadly infection. View him, if possible, in his 
 home, before you pledge your faith with his or, if that 
 be not practicable, reflect upon the general course of his 
 actions, of his sentiments, and endeavor dispassionately 
 to judge them, as best you may." 
 
CHAPTER XXIV: 
 
 BRIDAL ETIQUETTE. 
 
 * 
 
 IN preparing a bridal outfit, it is best to furnish the 
 wardrobe for at least two years, in under-clothes, and 
 one year in dresses, though the bonnet and cloak, suita- 
 ble for the coming season, are all that are necessary, as 
 the fashions in these articles change so rapidly. If you 
 are going to travel, have a neat dress and cloak of some 
 plain color, and a close bonnet and veil. Avoid, as in- 
 tensely vulgar, any display of your position as a bride, 
 whilst traveling. 
 
 Take, first, the weddings at church. In this case none 
 are invited to the ceremony excepting the family, and 
 the reception is at the house of the bride's mother, or 
 nearest relative, either on the wedding-day or upon her 
 return from the bridal tour. 
 
 In sending out the invitations, let the card of the 
 bridegroom and that of the bride be tied together with ti 
 white ribbon, and folded in the note paper upon which 
 is printed the name of the bride's mother, with the date 
 of the reception-day, thus : 
 
 MRS. JOHN SAUNDERS. 
 
 At home, Thursday, Oct. 16th, 
 
 from 11 till 2. 
 
 No 218, st. 
 
 259 
 
260 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 of course the hours and dates vary, but the form is the 
 same. 
 
 If there is no hridal reception upon the wedding-day, 
 the cards are worded : 
 
 MR. AND MRS. JAMES SMITH. 
 At home, Wednesdays, 
 
 On, and after, June 6th. 
 No. 17, st. 
 
 Tie the card with the bride's maiden name upon it to this 
 one. 
 
 Enclose the invitation in a white envelope, and tie it 
 with white satin ribbon. If you send cake, have it put 
 in a white box, and place the note outside the cover, 
 tying it fast with white satin ribbon. 
 
 The bride's dress must be of white entirely. If she 
 is married in the morning, a plain white silk, white 
 mantle, and white bonnet, full trimmed with orange 
 flowers, with a plain veil, is the most suitable dress, and 
 she may wear a richer one at her reception, when she re- 
 turnes from her bridal tour. 
 
 As soon as the carriages come, let the bridesmaids, 
 and relatives set off first. Last, the bride with her pa- 
 rents. The bride, her parents, and the bridesmaids go 
 immediately to the vestry, where they meet the bride- 
 groom, and the groomsmen. The father of the bride 
 gives her his arm and escorts her to the altar, the bride- 
 groom walking on the other side. Then follow the 
 bridesmaids and groomsmen in couples. 
 
 When they reach the altar the bridegroom removes 
 
BRIDAL ETIQUETTE 261 
 
 his right hand glove, but the bride keeps hers on until 
 the clergyman takes the ring. The first bridesmaid then 
 removes the left hand glove, and it is not resumed. The 
 bridesmaids should wear white dresses, white mantles, and 
 bonnets, but not veils or orange flowers. 
 
 The bride and groom leave the church first, after the 
 ceremony is over, and take the carriage with the parents 
 of the bride, and the others follow in^the order in which 
 they came. 
 
 If there is a breakfast or morning reception, the bride 
 will not change her dress until she retires to put on her 
 traveling attire. If the wedding takes place in the 
 evening at church, to be followed by a full dress recep- 
 tion at home, the bride should wear a white lace dress 
 over satin, or any other material to suit her own taste, a 
 veil, falling from her head to -her feet, fastened to the 
 hair by a coiifure of orange flowers ; white kid gloves, 
 and white satin slippers. A bouquet, if carried, should 
 contain only white flowers. 
 
 The bridesmaids may wear white, or some thin, light- 
 colored material over white, a head-dress of flowers, and 
 carry bouquets of mixed flowers. 
 
 When the wedding takes place at home, let the com- 
 pany assemble in the front drawing-room, and close the 
 doors between that and the back room. In the back 
 room, let the bride, bridegroom, bridesmaids, and grooms- 
 men, the parents of the bride, and the clergyman, as- 
 semble. The clergyman should stand in the centre of 
 the room, the bride and groom before him, the brides- 
 maids ranged beside the bride, the groomsmen beside- the 
 bridegroom. Then open the doors and let the ceremony 
 
262 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 begin. This arrangement saves that awkwardness at 
 temlant upon entering the room and taking the positiou 
 before a large company. 
 
 After the ceremony is over, the parents of the bride 
 speak to her first ; then her near relatives, and not until 
 then the other members of the company. 
 
 It is not usual now to have dancing, or even music, at 
 a wedding, and the hour is named upon the cards, at 
 which the guests ^tre expected to retire. 
 
 A very pretty effect is produced in the wedding group, 
 if the bride wears pure white, and the bridesmaids white, 
 with flowers and trimmings of a different color. Thus, 
 one in white, with a head-dress and trimming of green 
 leaves ; another, white, with blue ribbons and forget-me- 
 nots ; another, white, with pink roses and ribbons. 
 
 If the wedding is in the morning, the bride and 
 family may wear full dress ; in that case the shutters 
 should be closed and the rooms lighted as in the even- 
 ings. 
 
 Let the supper be laid early, and ready when the 
 ceremony is over, that the guests may pass into the 
 dining-room, if they wish, as soon as they have spoken 
 to the bride. If a morning wedding, let the table be set 
 as for an evening wedding. 
 
 If the bride gives a reception at her own house, after 
 her return from her bridal tour, she should not wear her 
 wedding-dress. If in the evening, a supper should be 
 set. If a morning reception, let her wear a handsome 
 light silk, collar and sleeves of lace. Wine and cake are 
 sufficient to hand to each guest at a morning reception. 
 
BRIDAL ETIQUETTE. 263 
 
 At an evening reception let the bride wear full dress, 
 but not her wedding-dress. 
 
 At parties given to a newly married couple, the brides- 
 maids and groomsmen are always invited, and the whole 
 party are expected to wear the same dresses as at the 
 wedding. 
 
CHAPTER X-XV. 
 
 HINTS ON HEALTH. 
 
 THE universal remark of travelers visiting America, 
 as well as the universal complaint of Americans them- 
 selves, relates to the ill health of the fairer portion of 
 the community. Look where you will, go to any city in 
 the vast Union, the remark and complaint will be made 
 everywhere. With every natural advantage of climate, 
 yet from North to South, East to West the cry resounds. 
 
 Foreigners, admiring the dark-eyed girls of the south- 
 ern states or the blondes of the northern^ones, will re- 
 mark, with comments upon beauty : 
 
 " But she looks delicate, poor thing ! Not strong ? 
 Ah ! I thought not, none of the American women are, 
 and how soon these young beauties fade !" 
 
 It seems to me, amongst the subjects treated of in my 
 present work, that a few words on health will not come 
 amiss. 
 
 "Light and sunshine are needful, for your health. 
 Get all you can ; keep your windows clean. Do not 
 block them up with curtains, plants, or bunches of 
 flowers ; these last poison the air, in small rooms. 
 
 "Fresh air is needful for your health. As often as 
 264 
 
HINTS. OS HEALTH. 265 
 
 you can, open all your windows, if only for a short time 
 m bad weather ; in fine weather, keep them open, but 
 never sit in draughts. When you get up, open the win- 
 dows wide, and throw down the bed-clothes, that they 
 may be exposed to fresh air some hours, daily, before 
 they are made up. Keep your bed-clothes clean ; hang 
 them to the fire when you can. Avoid wearing at night 
 what you wear in the day. Hang up your day-clothes 
 at night. Except in the severest weather, in small, 
 crowded sleeping-rooms, a little opening at the top of 
 the window-sash is very important ; or you will find one 
 window pane of perforated zinc very useful. You will 
 not catch cold half so easily by breathing pure air at 
 night. Let not the beds be directly under the windows. 
 Sleeping in exhausted air creates a desire for stimulants. 
 " Pure water is needful for your health. Wash your 
 bodies as well as your faces, rubbing them all over with 
 a coarse cloth. If you cannot wash thus every morning, 
 pray do so once a week. Crying and cross children are 
 often pacified by a gentle washing of their little hands 
 and faces it soothes them. Babies' heads should be 
 washed carefully, every morning with soap. No scurf 
 should be suffered to remain upon them. Get rid of 
 all slops and dirty water at once. Disease, and even 
 death, is often the consequence of our own negligence. 
 Wash your rooms and passages at least once a week, use 
 { lenty of clean water ; but do not let your children stay 
 in them while they are wet, it may bring on croup or 
 inflammation of the chest. If you read your Bibles, 
 which it is earnestly hoped you do, you will find how 
 cleanliness, both as to the person and habitation, wa& 
 
266 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 taught to the Jews by God himself; and we read in the 
 4th chapter of Nehemiah that when they were building 
 their second temple, and defending their lives against 
 their foes, having no time for rest, they contrived to put 
 off their clothes for washing. It is a good old saying, 
 that cleanliness is next to godliness. See Heb. x. 22. 
 
 " Wholesome food is needful for your health. Buy 
 the most strengthening. Pieces of fresh beef and mut- 
 ton go the farthest. Eat plenty of fresh salt with food; 
 it prevents disease. Pray do not let your children waste 
 their pennies in tarts, cakes, bull's eyes, hardbake, souf 
 fruit, &c., they are very unwholesome, and hurt thv3 
 digestion. People would often, at twenty years of age, 
 have a nice little sum of money to help them on in the 
 world, if they had put in the savings' bank the money 
 so wasted. Cocoa is cheaper and much more nourishing 
 than tea. None of these liquids should be taken hot, 
 but lukewarm ; when hot they inflame the stomach, and 
 produce indigestion. 
 
 " We are all made to breathe the pure air of heaven, 
 and therefore much illness is caused by being constantly 
 in-doors. Let all persons make a point, whenever it is 
 possible, of taking exercise in the open air for at least 
 an hour and a half daily. Time would be saved in the 
 long run by the increased energy and strength gained, 
 and by the warding off of disease." 
 
 Let it not be supposed that it is not the duty of 
 .every young lady to take due care of her health, and to 
 preserve in all its power of utility every portion of vigor 
 which has been bestowed on her. 
 
 With many young ladies, it appears to be a maxim to 
 
HINTS ox HEALTH. 267 
 
 <l3 everything in their power to destroy the health which 
 is so much wanted in the real business of life, and 
 which forms so important a requisite to happiness. In 
 the first place, as to hours they never leave the hall- 
 room until utterly exhausted, and scarcely fit to crawl to 
 bed. The noon-day sleep, the scarcely touched break- 
 fast, that most important meal, are followed by prepara- 
 tions for the succeeding night's pleasures, or in head- 
 aching morning calls, driving about in a close carriage, 
 or lounging on a sofa, in an over-heated room, reading 
 novels. 
 
 Dressing follows; the warm wrapper or dress is thrown 
 aside ; over the tightly drawn corsets is fastened a flimsy 
 dress, with an inch of sleeve ; the neck laid bare ; thin 
 stockings drawn on, in place of thick ones, and the con- 
 sumption-seeker goes forth to the ball-room again. 
 
 " At times, you miss from the gay assemblage some 
 former ornament you inquire about her she has taken 
 cold. Inflammation of the lungs, caught it in an acci- 
 dental draught of air by one of these fair half-dressed 
 beings, carried off, not long since, one of the gayest and 
 fairest of the belles of the season after an illness of 
 three days. 
 
 " Preservation of the health ought, from an early 
 stage of existence, to be enforced as a duty upon the 
 young. To walk daily ; to have daily recourse, in sum- 
 mer, even twice a day, to the -sponging with cold water, 
 or the shower-bath ; to eat sufficiently of plain, nutri- 
 tious food; to keep the mind calm these are duties; 
 they should be habitually exercised. Care should be 
 taken not to come out heated, with a shawl just pinned 
 
268 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 across the shoulders, from a heated room. "Where there 
 is delicacy of the lungs or windpipe, yet not sufficient to 
 render a withdrawal from evening parties necessary, tho 
 use of a respirator at night is desirable. It is usual to 
 have recourse to this valuable invention only when dis 
 case is actually existing as a preventive, it is neglected. 
 Yet, preserving the temperature of a warm room, it is 
 an excellent precaution, and can easily be assumed when 
 the shawl or cloak is put on. The atmosphere of a city 
 is destructive where there is any pulmonary delicacy, 
 and who shall say, where there is not pulmonary deli- 
 cacy ? In this climate, there is a tendency* to it, more 
 or less, in almost every family, at all events, it is too 
 easily induced in our predisposed constitutions, by cold, 
 aided by the debilitating effect of heated rooms and an 
 artificial mode of existence, and accelerated also, most 
 decidedly, by bared shoulders. For, in this climate, it 
 is scarcely ever safe to lay bare that portion of the 
 frame, the back and chest in which the lungs are seated; 
 and, although custom may greatly lead to diminish the 
 injurious effects, the sudden chill may strike, and may 
 never be recovered. 
 
 "During every season, certain people have 'head 
 colds,' coughs, and 'feverish colds.' These are produced 
 by certain states of climate acting on certain states of 
 constitution. At particular seasons such complaints 
 abound at others they abound still more ; and again, 
 from some singularity, they prevail ao much that people 
 Bay, there is an Influenza. , 
 
 " Influenza has been long known in the world. It 
 h/is often visited Europe ; and made its appearance OD 
 
HINTS ON HEALTH. 269 
 
 aur shores with greater severity than at present. It has 
 sometimes been very severe, and left many persons ill for 
 a year or two. 
 
 " The symptoms of influenza need not be dwelt on, as 
 they have been so generally felt by our readers or .their 
 friends. It varies m different people, to be sure, both 
 in kind and in degree. Considering the number of peo- 
 ple it attacks, it m?y be looked on as an innocent dis- 
 ease ; but, on the other hand, looking at the increase it 
 has made in the number of deaths, it is an exceedingly 
 serious one after all. % 
 
 " In simple cases confinement to a pure and temper- 
 ate air, warm drinks, and a warm bath, or, at least, a 
 warm foot-bath, with an extra blanket, and a little more 
 rest than usual, keeping to mild food, and toast and 
 water, and taking, if necessary, a dose of aperient medi- 
 cine, is all that is required. In serious cases, the do- 
 mestic treatment must become professional. Mustard 
 plasters to the back relieve the headache. Squills and 
 other medicines 'loosen' the outstanding cough. Bark 
 and wine, and even cold baths are sometimes requisite 
 for the weakness left behind. But these things can only 
 be used with discrimination by a regular professional 
 man. 
 
 " Supposing that the seeds of disease have not been 
 laid in childhood, and that there is no particular predis- 
 position to any malady in the constitution, a young 
 woman enters life with every fair prospect of enjoying 
 tolerable health; yet, how variable, and delicate, and 
 complaining, do the majority of women become ! What 
 a vast expense is incurred, during the course of their 
 
270 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 lives, hi physicians, medicine, change of air, bathg 
 abroad and at home, and journeys ! How few women 
 oan walk, or can suppress nervous feelfrigs, or can eat 
 like reasonable beings : how many suffer, or say they 
 suffer from debility, headaches, dyspepsia, a tendency 
 to colls, eternal sore throats, rheumatic attacks, and the 
 whole list of polite complaints ! With all our modern 
 wisdom, with all our books on health, our smatterings of 
 physiological science, our open carriages, sponging-baths, 
 and attention to diet, women now are a far more feeble 
 race than our grandmothers, or even our mothers, were. 
 What daughter can walk half as far as her mother can ? 
 What young woman can take the active part that her 
 mother did ? In most families, the order of things is re- 
 versed. It is not a child trembling for her mother's 
 health, and fearing, lest her parent, no longer young, 
 should be fatigued ; but it is the mother who is always 
 striving to spare her child exertions which she can her- 
 self perfectly well undergo,, but which the enfeebled child 
 of modern self-indulgence dare not encounter. 
 
 " Yes ! we are a self-indulgent race, this present gen- 
 eration. Witness our easily excited feelings ; witness 
 our late hours of rising, our sofas and easy chairs, our 
 useless days and dissipated nights ! Witness our pallid 
 faeces, our forms, sometimes attenuated and repulsive 
 while yet in early life, age marching, not creeping, on 
 before his time; or witness our over-fed and over-ex- 
 panded forms, enfeebled by indolence, and suffering tho 
 worst species of debility the debility of fat. Witness 
 our doing those things by deputy which' our grand- 
 mothers did themselves ; witness our host of scents and 
 
HINTS ON HEALTH. 271 
 
 perfumed waters on our dressing-tables ; our over-refine- 
 ment, which amounts to an enervating puerility, and our 
 incapacity of parting with one accustomed indulgence, 
 even at the bidding of the learned and disinterested ad 
 viser ? 
 
 u i In the education of women/ writes a modern phy- 
 sician, ' too little attention* is given to subdue the imag- 
 inative faculty, arid to moderate sensibility ; on the con- 
 trary, they are generally fostered ; and, instead of a 
 vigorous intellect and healthy condition of mind, we find 
 imagination and sentiment predominant over the reason- 
 ing faculties, and laying the foundation of hysterical, 
 hypochondriacal, and even maniacal diseases.'* It is, 
 in fact, this want of judgment in the management of 
 early life that produces so much misery when women are 
 called upon to perform an important part in society, and 
 when all that exertion can do is required at their hands. 
 
 " The duration of sleep should not, in the adult, ex- 
 ceed six or eight hours; women injure their health 
 greatly by excess in this respect. On rising, all women 
 should use some mode of cold or tepid bath ; and, indeed, 
 in this respect the practice of the present day is admir- 
 able ; there is every facility for the bath. To some, the 
 use of the shower-bath is deleterious, and to all incon- 
 venient, and not likely to be resorted to except when 
 positively ordered. Dr. Combe recommends for general 
 use the tepid or warm bath, as being much more suitable 
 than the cold bath, ' especially in the winter for those 
 vho are n6t robust, and full of animal heat.' When the 
 5onstitution is not sufficiently vigorous to ensure reaction 
 * " The Sick-Room," by Dr. A. T. Thomson. 
 
272 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 after the cold bath, by producing a warm glow over the 
 surface, c its use,' observes the same admirable writer, 
 * inevitably does harm.' But he enforces, that 'in order 
 to promote a due exhalation from the skin, the warm, 
 the tepid, or the shower-bath, as a means of preserving 
 health, ought to be in as common use as a change of ap- 
 parel, for it is equally a measure of necessary cleanli- 
 ness.' He inclines to the use of the tepid bath, as likely 
 to be the most generally efficacious. . 
 
 " I have known the most beneficial effects from a 
 modification of this advic% namely, from using a spong- 
 ing-bath, into which you pour a jug of warm water, and 
 in which you stand, whilst you sponge the body and 
 limbs profusely with cold water. A strong friction 
 should be employed after this process, either with horse- 
 hair gloves or with a large coarse towel, and few persons 
 will find the use of the sponging-bath disagree with them 
 when thus employed. It is, indeed, incredible, when we 
 consider the importance of the exhalation performed by 
 the skin, to what extent ablution is neglected, not only, 
 as Dr. Combe specifies, in charitable institutions and 
 seminaries for the young, but by ladies, in ordinary cir- 
 cumstances, to whom the use of the bath could be pro- 
 ductive of no inconvenience. In nervous complaints, 
 which are more or less the besetting evil of womankind, 
 the bath, in its various forms, becomes an invaluable aid. 
 
 u In the formation of those habits which are necessary 
 for the preservation of health, another circumstance, 
 which, from its importance to health, cannot be deemed 
 trifling should be mentioned. It is a general practice 
 that beds should be made as soon as the occupants have 
 
.HINTS ON HEALTH. 275 
 
 left their rooms, and before the air has been freely ad- 
 mitted to play upon the recent depositary of the human 
 frame ; but this should be avoided. The bed-linen and 
 blankets should be taken off, and the windows opened, so 
 that, for an hour or more, a thorough ventilation should 
 be procured. "" 
 
 " Upon another point ; the inconsistency and mental 
 blindness of women are almost inconceivable the in- 
 sufficiency of their dress to resist the attacks of our 
 variable climate. How few women clothe themselves 
 like rational beings ! Although, in latter years, they 
 have wisely adopted the use of warm dresses, and, more 
 especially, of the valuable Scottish plaid,^yet how com- 
 monly they neglect the aid of flannel in preserving them 
 not only from cold, but in securing a necessary circula- 
 tion of vitality in the skin ! ' The necessary effect of 
 deficient circulation in the skin,' remarks Dr. Combe, 
 'is to throw a disproportionate mass of blood inwards; 
 and when this condition exists, insufficient clothing per- 
 petuates the evil, until internal disease is generated, and 
 health is. irrecoverably lost.' How common is the com- 
 plaint among young women, especially those of sedentary 
 habits, of chilliness, cold feet, and other symptoms of 
 deficient circulation ! and yet how impossible would it 
 often be for women are usually obstinate on this head 
 to induce them to exchange the thin silk stocking for 
 a warm merino one, or to substitute a proper walking 
 shoe for the paper-like articles which they designate by 
 that name ! Hence arise many diseases, which are, by 
 insensible degrees, fostered in the system by the unequal 
 distribution of the blood oppressing the internal organs, 
 18 
 
274 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 The habitual tendency to that chilliness which has been 
 referred to should never be disregarded, ' laying, as it 
 does,' says Dr. "Combe, i the foundation of tubercles in 
 the lungs, and ot^ier maladies, which show themselves 
 only when arrived at an incurable stage.' 'All those 
 who value health, and have common sense, will therefore 
 take warning from signs like these, and never rest until 
 equilibrium of action be restored.' Warm clothing, ex- 
 ercise in the open air, sponging with tepid water and 
 vinegar, or the warm bath, the use of a flesh-brush or 
 hair-glove, are adapted to remedy these serious and 
 threatening evils. 
 
 " But, whilst insufficiency of clothing is to be depre- 
 cated, excessive wrapping up should also be. avoided. 
 Great differences exist between the power of generating 
 heat and resisting cold in individuals, and it is therefore 
 impossible to prescribe general rules upon the subject of 
 clothing. The best maxim is, not to dress in an invari- 
 able way in all cases, but to put on clothing sufficient in 
 the individual case, to protect the body effectively 
 against the sensation of cold.* 
 
 u The insufficiency of warmth in the clothing of fe- 
 males constitutes only one part of its injurious effects. 
 The tightness of dress obstructs the insensible perspira- 
 tion hurtfully, and produces an irregular circulation. 
 Every part and function of the human frame are linked 
 together so closely, that we cannot act wrongly towards 
 one organ without all suffering, nor act rightly without 
 all sharing the benefit of our judgment and good sense. 
 
 " The mischief arising from cold or wet feet is admit- 
 * Dr. Combe. 
 
HITS ON HEALTH. 275 
 
 ted by all persons who have given the subject of health 
 even the raost casual consideration. In conversing with 
 very aged people, you will generally find a disregard of 
 diet, and very different notions and practices upon the 
 subject of. exercise and ablution ; but they all agree in 
 the necessity of keeping the feet dry. I remember in- 
 quiring of a venerable clergyman, who, up to the age of 
 ninety-six, had enjoyed a fair proportion of health, after 
 a youth of delicacy. I asked him what system he pur- 
 sued. 'Now,' was his reply, * I never took much cart 
 what I ate ; I have always been temperate. I nevei 
 minded the weather ; but I always took care to keep 
 my feet dry and well shod.' Wet and damp are, indeed, 
 more unwholsome when applied to the feet than when 
 they affect other parts ; ' because they receive a greater 
 supply of blood to carry on a high degree of perspira- 
 tion, and because their distance from the heart, or centre 
 of circulation, diminishes the force with which this is 
 carried on, and thus leaves them more susceptible from 
 external causes/* 
 
 " God, in his infinite benevolence, has given to -his 
 creatures other means of acquiring a healthy warmth 
 than by clothing ; he has endowed us with the power of 
 exercise that blessing which women of weak judgment 
 and indolent natures are so prone to neglect and dispar- 
 age. Most ladies appear to think that the privilege f 
 walking is only intended for persons of inferior condi- 
 tion. They busy themselves in their in-door occupations 
 all the morning, take a hearty luncheon, and drive out 
 in their carriages until dinner-time. It is partly owing 
 * Dr. Coinbe. 
 
276 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 to such customs as these that a rapid deterioration takea 
 place in the physical state of our sex, in their Icoks, and 
 in their power of utility, and enjoyment of happiness. 
 God never intended us to be inactive. 
 
 " The chief purpose of the muscles with which wo are 
 endowed, is to enable us to carry into effect the volitions 
 of the mind ; and, whilst fulfilling this grand object, the 
 active exercise of the muscles is conducive to the well- 
 being of many other important functions. The processes 
 of digestion, respiration, secretion, absorption, and nutri- 
 tion, are promoted, and the" healthful condition of the 
 whole body influenced. The mind also is depressed or 
 exhilarated by the proper or improper use of muscular ex- 
 ercise ; for man is intended for a life of activity : nor can hia 
 functions ever go on so properly as when he duly exer- 
 cises those organs with which Nature has endowed him. 
 The evils arising from want of exercise are numerous : 
 the circulation, from the absence of due stimulus, be- 
 comes languid, the appetite and digestion are weakened, 
 the respiration is imperfect, and the blood becomes so ill- 
 conditioned, that when distributed through the body it is 
 inadequate to communicate the necessary stimulus to 
 healthy and vigorous action. These points being estab- 
 lished, it now becomes a consideration in what mode, 01 
 at what periods, ladies, in society^ can most advan- 
 tageously avail themselves of that privilege which is 
 granted to so many, denied, comparatively, to so few. 
 
 " Much is said on the benefits of walking before 
 breakfast, and to a person in full vigor it mav, there is 
 
 1 O ./ ? 
 
 no doubt, be highly salutary ; whilst, to the delicate, it 
 will prove more hurtful than beneficial, producing a 
 
HINTS ON HEALTH. 277 
 
 sense of weariness which destroys all the future pleasures 
 of the day. I am disposed to think, hoyveve'r, from ob- 
 servation, that walking before breakfast may be rendered 
 beneficial almost to any one by degrees. Most persona 
 walk too far the first day ; they are proud of the effort, 
 become, nevertheless, exhausted, and dare not repeat it. 
 A first walk before breakfast should not exceed a quartei 
 of a mile ; it should be extended very gradually, and, 
 in delicate women, with great care, lest .over-fatigue 
 should ensue. It is, however, so valuable a habit, such 
 a saving of time, so refreshing, so soothing, that many 
 sacrifices of inclination should be made to procure it; in a 
 gay season the freshcyess and seclusion of a morning's walk 
 is peculiarly needed, and when it becomes so difficult to 
 take exercise in the subsequent part of the day, the after- 
 noon being too short, and the evening too much occupied. 
 And the morning's walk, stolen from the hour given to 
 a species of repose which seldom rests, may be, without 
 the reproach of indolence, followed by the afternoon's 
 siesta a practice much to be commended, and greatly 
 conducive to rest of nerves and invigora tion of the frame, 
 when used in moderation. 
 
 " Exercise may be taken, by the robust, at any time, 
 even after eating heartily, but the delicate ought to avoid 
 that risk ; they should resort to it only when the franco is 
 vigorous enough to bear it, and this is usually from one 
 to four or five hours after eating. The morning is, 
 therefore, the best time ; but exercise ought not to be 
 delayed until some degree of exhaustion ha^.taken place 
 from want of food, as in that case it dissipates rather 
 than renovates the remaining strength, and impairs <li- 
 
278 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 gestion. Exercise immediately before meals is therefore, 
 unless very gentle, injurious; if it has been violent, be- 
 fore eating rest should intervene. ''Appetite," says Dr. 
 Cornbe, "revives after repose." 
 
 " Of all modes of exercise, that which nature has be- 
 stowed upon us, walking, is decidedly the most salutary ; 
 and the prevailing system of substituting horse and car- 
 riage exercise almost entirely for it, is far from being 
 advantageous to the present generation. Walking, 
 which has for its aim some pleasing pursuit, and, there- 
 fore, animates the mind, is efficacious to the majority. 
 Gardening, which is a modification of walking, offers 
 many advantages both to the deliqate and the strong, 
 and it is a species of exercise which we can adjust to our' 
 powers. In a continued walk you must go on you 
 must return ; .there is no appeal, even if you have gone 
 too far, and would willingly give up 'any further exertion. 
 But, while gardening, you are still at home your exer- 
 tions are devoted to objects the most interesting, because 
 progressive; hope and faith form a part of your stimu- 
 lus. The happy future, when flowers shall bloom around 
 you, supersedes in your thoughts the vexatious present 
 or the mournful past. About you are the budding trea- 
 sures of spring, or the gorgeous productions of summer, 
 or the rich hues of those beauties which autumn pours 
 forth most lavishly before it departs, and is succeeded 
 by winter. Above you are the gay warblers, who seem 
 to hail you as you mingle in the sylvan scenes which aro 
 not all theirs, but which you share and appropriate. 
 The ruffled temper, the harassed mind, may find a solace 
 in the occupation of gardening, which aids the effect of 
 
HINTS ON HEALTH 279 
 
 exercise and the benign influence of fresh air. Stores 
 of future and never-dying interest are buried in the 
 earth with every seed, only to spring up again redoubled 
 m their value. A lady, as a writer in the ' Quarterly 
 Review' observes, should ' not only have but know her 
 plants. And her enj )yment of those delights is truly 
 enhanced by that peisonal care, without which few gar- 
 dens, however superintended by the scientific gardener, can 
 prosper, and which bless as they thrive ; her plants bestow 
 health on the frame which is bowed down to train them 
 they give to her the blessing of a calm and rationaj 
 pleasure they relieve her from the necessity of excite- 
 ment they promote alike, in the wealthy and the. poor, 
 these gentle exertions which are coupled with the most 
 poetical and the sweetest of associations. 
 
 "Exercise on horseback is not equally attainable with 
 the two modes which I have just specified ; when it- is, 
 the accelerated circulation, the change of scene and of 
 ideas, are highly beneficial. Where the lungs are weak, 
 it is thought by the learned to possess a great advantage 
 over walking, as it does not hurry the breathing. The 
 gentleness of the exercise enables a delicate person to 
 enjoy the advantage of open air and motion for a much 
 longer period than could be endured in the action of 
 walking. From the tendency of horse exercise to equal- 
 ize the circulation and stimulate the skin, it is invaluable, 
 too, for the nervous and Syspeptic portion of young 
 women, among whom, unhappily, such complaints arc 
 but too prevalent. 
 
 " Dancing, which is the most frequent mode cf exer- 
 cise with ladies in great cities, practiced, as it is, in 
 
280 LADIES BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 heated rooms, and exhausting from its violence, oftei 
 does more harm than good, from producing languor and 
 over-fatigue. Unhappily there are but few modes of ex- 
 ercise in-doors adapted forewomen. If, from any cir- 
 cumstances, they are confined to their homes, and they 
 become feverish and languid from want of exercise, it 
 never occurs to them to throw open the windows and to 
 walk about, or to make use of battledore and shuttle- 
 cock, or any other mode of exertion. They continue 
 sitting, reading, or walking, or lounging, or sleeping, or 
 gossiping, whilst the bloom of health is rapidly giv- 
 ing place to the wanness and debility of the imprisoned 
 frame. 
 
 " It is often the custom of young women to declare 
 that they cannot walk, sometimes from indolence, no 
 doubt, and want of habit, occasionally from real inability. 
 But if we investigate the causes of this real inability, we 
 shall often find it to proceed from an improper choice of 
 time in taking exercise, or from a defective judgment in 
 the manner of taking it. Many women exhaust and fa- 
 tigue themselves with the duties of their house, and by 
 a thousand trying occupations, including that which 
 forms a serious item in the day's work, namely, running 
 up and down stairs, and then discover that they cannot 
 walk. Others go to extremes, and walk for a certain 
 distance, whether they feel fatigued or not by such ex- 
 ertions. . 'It is only,' observes Dr. Combe, 'by a diffu- 
 sion of the laws of exercise as a part of useful education, 
 that individuals can be enabled to avoid such mistakes.' 
 To be beneficial, exercise should always be proportioned 
 to the strength and to the constitution of an individual, 
 
HINTS ON HEALTH. 281 
 
 When it causes extreme fatigue or exhaustion, it is hurt- 
 ful ; it ought to be resumed always after a period of rest, 
 and adopted regularly, not, as too many persons are in 
 the habit of doing, once in four or five days. The av- 
 erage walk which a young woman in good health and in 
 ordinary circumstances, may take, without undue and 
 injurious fatigue, is, from four to five miles a-day. From 
 this rule I except the .very young. It has been found 
 by experience that until twenty-two or three the strength 
 is not completely matured. The rate of mortality, as it 
 has been proved by statistical tables, increases in all 
 classes of society from fourteen until the age of twenty- 
 three, when it begins to decrease. 
 
 "Another precaution which I would recommend to 
 those who have the regulation of families under their 
 care, relates to the subject of ventilation. The heated 
 state of our rooms in ordinary occupation is 'one great 
 source of all those mischiefs which arise from catching 
 cold, a subject on which Mr. Abernethy was wont to de- 
 clare, that ' a very useful book might be written.' There 
 are some houses into which one can never enter with im- 
 punity, from the want of due ventilation. Housemaids, 
 more especially, have an insupportable objection to 
 opening windows, on account of the dust which flies in 
 and settles upon the furniture. This evil for the soil- 
 ing of furniture certainly may be called an evil may 
 easily be obviated by fastening a muslin blind against 
 the open window, or by pinning a large piece of coarse 
 muslin against it, so that the dusty particles will be ex- 
 cluded. 
 
 " Generally our ordinary sitting-rooms are tolerably 
 
282 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 well ventilated by the opening and shutting cf doors, 
 the size of the fire-place, &c., but in our bed-rooms the 
 vitiation of the air is far greater, owing to these rooms 
 being wholly closed during the seven or eight hours in 
 which we sleep in them, and, also, owing to the mass of 
 curtains with which we usually take care to surround our 
 beds. In this respect we are, indeed, improved, by the 
 introduction of French bedsteads, which are among the 
 most valuable of modern suggestions. But, notwith- 
 standing this improvement, and many others which re- 
 flection and science have contributed to introduce, we 
 incur much suffering from our ignorance and prejudice 
 on the subject of ventilation. For generations, society 
 has experienced the evil effects of the want of ventila- 
 tion, and has felt in towns its results in the form of fe- 
 vers, general ill-health, cutaneous and nervous diseases ; 
 and yet the most direful ignorance continues on this sub- 
 ject. Hospitals are among the few well-ventilated 
 buildings which are erected, because an idea prevails 
 that ventilation is essential for the sick, but it seems tc 
 have been forgotten that what is- essential for the re- 
 covery of health is equally necessary for its preservation. 
 'Were,' says Dr. Combe, 'a general knowledge of the 
 structure of man to constitute a regular part of a liberal 
 education, such inconsistencies as this would soon disap- 
 pear, and the scientific architect would speedily devise 
 the best means for supplying our houses with pure air, 
 as he has already supplied them with pure water.' ' 
 
CHAPTER XXVI. 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS . 
 
 THERE are many little pieces of rudeness, only too 
 common, which., while they evince ill-breeding, and are 
 many of them extremely annoying, yet they are met 
 with every day, and in persons, otherwise well-bred. 
 
 As they come under no particular head, they will 
 merely be mentioned here, as habits carefully to avoM. 
 
 It is rude to look over the shoulder of a person who 
 is either reading or writing, yet it is done every day. 
 
 To stand with the arms a-kimbo, the hands on the 
 hips, or with the arms crossed, while conversing, is exceed- 
 ingly unlady-like. 
 
 Avoid restless movements either with the hands or 
 feet ; to sit perfectly quiet, without stiffness, easily, yet 
 at the same time almost motionless, is one of the surest 
 proofs of high-breeding. 
 
 If you wish to make yourself agreeable to any one, 
 talk as much as you please about his or her affairs, and 
 as little as possible about your own. 
 
 Avoid passing before persons seated in the same room 
 with yourself. If you must rise to move from place to 
 place, endeavor to pass behind the chairs of your com- 
 
 283 
 
28 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 panions. Above all, never pass between two persona 
 who are conversing together. 
 
 Avoid personal remarks ; they evince a want of judg- 
 ment, good taste, kindness, and politeness. To exchange 
 glances or significant smiles with a third person, whilst 
 engaged in a conversation with a second, is a proof of 
 low-breeding. Suppressed laughter, shrugging of the 
 shoulders, rolling of the eyes, and significant glances aro 
 all marks of ill-breeding. 
 
 If you meet a gentleman at the foot of a* flight of 
 Btairs, do not go up before him. Stop, bow, and motion 
 to him to precede you. He will return your bow, and 
 run up, leaving you to follow him. 
 
 Never whisper, or make any confidential communica- 
 tion in company. Keep private remarks for private oc- 
 casions. 
 
 Accepting presents from gentlemen is a dangerous 
 thing. It is better to avoid any such obligations, and, 
 if you make it a rule never to accept such presents, you 
 will avoid hurting any one's feelings, and save yourself 
 from all further perplexity. 
 
 In meeting your elderly friends in the street, look at 
 them long enough to give them an opportunity of recog- 
 nizing -you; and if they do so, return their salutations 
 respectfully, not with the familiar nod you would give to 
 one of your own age. 
 
 Never remain seated, whilst a person older than your- 
 self is standing before you, talking to you. 
 
 Never lounge on a sofa, while there are those ii the 
 room, whoso years give them a* better claim to thia aort 
 of iudulgence. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS. 285 
 
 Never tease a person to do what she has once de- 
 clined. 
 
 Never refuse a request or invitation in order tc be 
 urged, and accept afterwards. Comply at once. If -the 
 request is sincere, you will thus afford gratification ; if 
 not, the individual, making it deserves to be punished for 
 insincerity, by being taken at her word. 
 
 It is not polite when asked what part of a dish you 
 will have, to say, " Any part it is quite indifferent to 
 me;" itas hard enough to carve for one's friends, with- 
 out choosing for them. 
 
 It is not polite to entertain a visitor with your own 
 family history, or the events of your own household. 
 
 It is not polite for married ladies to talk, in the pre- 
 sence of gentlemen, of the difficulty they, have in pro- 
 curing domestics, and how good-for-nothing they are 
 when procured. 
 
 It is not polite to put food upou the plate of a guest 
 without asking leave, or to press her to eat more than 
 she wants. 
 
 It is not polite to stare under ladies' bonnets, as if 
 you suspected they had stolen the linings from you, or 
 wore something that was not their own. 
 
 Never affect a foolish reserve in a mixed company, 
 keeping aloof from others as if in a state of mental ab- 
 straction. If your brain is so full and so busy that you 
 cannot attend to the little civilities, cheerful chit-chat, 
 and light amusements of society, keep out of it. 
 
 Never read in company. You may open a book to 
 look over the engravings, if you will, but do not attend 
 to the letter-press until you are alone. 
 
286 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Never jest upon serious subjects. Avoid scandal. If 
 another person attempts to open a conversation upon 
 scandalous matters, check her. Say gravely that it is 
 painful for you to hear of the faults or misfortunes of 
 uthers, whore your counsel and assistance can be of no 
 service. 
 
 Many persons, whose tongues never utter a scandalous 
 word, will, by a significant glance, a shrug of the shoul- 
 ders, a sneer, or curl of the lip, really make more mis- 
 chief, and suggest harder thoughts than if they used the 
 severest language. This is utterly detestable. If you 
 have your tongue under perfect control, -you can also 
 control your looks, and you are cowardly, contemptible, 
 and wicked, when you encourage and countenance slan- 
 der by a look or gesture. 
 
 Never speak of gentlemen by their first name unless 
 you are related to them. It is very unlady-like to use 
 the surname, without the prefix, Mr. To hear a lady 
 speak of Smith, Brown, Anderson, instead of Mr. Ander- 
 son or Mr. Smith sounds extremely vulgar, and is a 
 mark of low breeding. 
 
 Avoid eccentricity either in dress, conversation, or 
 manner. It is a form of vanity, as it will attract atten- 
 tion, and is therefore in bad taste. 
 
 Never act as if in a hurry. Ease of action need not 
 imply laziness, but simply polite self-possession. 
 
 Never laugh at your own wit. That is the part of 
 those who hear you, and if you take their duty from 
 them, they may omit to join you in your laugh. 
 
 Do not indulge in ridicule. It is coarse and unlady- 
 
MISCELLANEOUS. 287 
 
 like as well as unfeeling. Like every other personality, 
 it should be carefully avoided. 
 
 Never handle any ornament or article of furniture in 
 the room in which you are a visitor. 
 Do not lean your head against the wall. You leave 
 an indelible mark upon the paper, or, if the wall is 
 whitewashed, you give your hair a dingy, dusty look, by 
 bringing it into contact with the lime. 
 
 Never lean forward upon a table. Let neither hands 
 nor arms rest there heavily. 
 
 To bestow flattery upon a person to his face, betrays 
 a want of delicacy ; yet, not less so, rudely to rebuke 
 his errors or mention his faults, and not have a tender 
 regard for his feelings. It is not improper, and may 
 sometimes be very kind to mention to an individual what 
 yourself and others think of his conduct or perform- 
 ances, when it is for his interest or usefulness to know 
 it. To express to a friend deserved approbation is gen- 
 erally proper. 
 
 Nothing but a quick perception of the feelings of 
 others, and a ready sympathy with them, can regulate 
 the thousand little proprieties that belong to visits of 
 condolence and congratulation. There is one hint, how- 
 ever, as regards the former, which may perhaps be use- 
 ful, and that is, not to touch upon the cause of affliction, 
 anless the mourner leads the way to it; and if a painful 
 effort is made- to appear cheerful, and to keep aloof from 
 the subject, do not make the slightest allusion that could 
 increase this feeling. 
 
 When at table to press your guests to take more than 
 they have inclination for, is antiquated and rude. This 
 
288 LADIES BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 does not, however, prevent your recommending particulai 
 dishes to their attention. . Everything like compulsion is 
 quite exploded. 
 
 It is a great mistake to suppose that the best music is 
 the most difficult of execution. The very reverse, gen- 
 erally speaking, is the case. Music of a high order cer- 
 tainly demands high gifts and attainments on the part 
 of the performer. But the gifts of nature may be pos- 
 sessed by the amateur as well as by the professor ; and 
 the attainments of art may be the result of moderate!* 
 study and application. A young lady possessed of a sweet 
 and tunable voice, a good ear, intelligence, and feeling, 
 may cultivate music in its grandest and most beautiful 
 forms, and may render its practice a source of the purest 
 enjoyment, not only to herself but to her domestic and 
 social circle. 
 
 The various ceremonies observed in refined society are 
 very useful in settling little points, on which there might 
 otherwise be much doubt and perplexity ; but they should 
 never be so strenuously insisted upon as to make an ac- 
 cidental omission of them a ground of resentment, and 
 an apology should always be accepted in their place. 
 
 Your enjoyment of a party depends far less on what 
 you find there, than on what you carry with you. The 
 vain, the ambitious, the designing, will be full of anxiety 
 when they go, and of disappointment when they return. 
 A short triumph will be followed by a deep mortification, 
 and the selfishness of their aims defeats itself. If you 
 go to see, and to hear, and to make the best of whatever 
 occurs, with a disposition to admire all that is beautiful, 
 and to sympathize in the pleasures of others, you can 
 
MISCELLANEOUS 289 
 
 hardly fail to spend the time pleasantly. The less you 
 think of yourself and your claims to attention, the bet- 
 ter. If you are much attended to, receive it modestly, 
 and consider it as a happy accident ; if you are little 
 noticed, use your leisure in observing others. 
 
 It were unjust and ungrateful to conceive that the 
 amusements of life are altogether forbidden by its bene- 
 ficent Author. They serve, on the contrary, important 
 purposes in the economy of human life, and are destined 
 to produce important eifects both upon our happiness and 
 character. They are, in the first place, in the language 
 of the Psalmist, " the wells of the desert ;" the kind 
 resting-places in which toil may relax, in which the weary 
 spirit may recover its tone, and where the desponding 
 mind may resume its strength and its hopes. It is not, 
 therefore, the use of the innocent amusements of life 
 which is dangerous, but the abuse of them ; it is not 
 when they are occasionally, but when they are constantly 
 pursued ; and when, from being an occasional indul- 
 gence, it becomes an habitual desire. 
 
 Women in the middle rank are brought up with the 
 idea that if they engage in some occupations, they shall 
 lose " their position in society." Suppose it to be so ; 
 surely it is wiser to quit a position we cannot honestly 
 maintain, than to live dependent upon the bounty and 
 caprice of others ; better to labor with our hands, than 
 eat the bread of idleness ; or submit to feel thr.t we must 
 not give utterance to our real opinions, or expree-s our 
 honest indignation at being required to act a base or un- 
 worthy part. And in all cases, however situated, every 
 female ought to learn how all household affairs are man- 
 19 
 
290 LADIES 1 BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 agerl, were it only for the purpose of being able tt di- 
 rect others. There cannot be any disgiace in learning 
 how to make the bread we eat, to cook our dinners, to 
 mend our clothes, or even to clean the house. Better 
 to be found busily engaged in removing the dust from 
 the furniture, than to let it accumulate there until a 
 visitor leaves palpable traces where his hat or his arm 
 have been laid upon a table. 
 
 Never put temptation in a servant's way ; never be 
 severe for trifling offences, such as accidentally breaking 
 anything, but reserve your severity for those offences 
 which are moral evils, such as a want of truth, general 
 laxity of principle, &c. The orders given to servants 
 should be clear and definite ; and they should be trained 
 as much as possible to perform their duties regularly, so 
 that every morning they may know pretty nearly what 
 will be expected of them during the day. It is a great 
 point to live, when you are alone, as if you expected 
 company ; that is to say, to have everything so neat and 
 orderly that you need not be ashamed of any one seeing 
 your table. It is very little more trouble, arid certainly 
 no more expense ; and the advantages in point of comfort 
 are unspeakable. 
 
 If a foolish girl, by dint of squeezing and bracing with 
 busk and bones, secures the conventional beauty of a 
 %rasp waist, she is tolerably certain to gain an addition 
 she by no means bargained for, a red nose, which, in 
 numberless instances, is produced by no other cause than 
 the unnatural girth, obstructing circulation, and causing 
 stagnation of the blood, in that prominent and important 
 feature. Often, iu assemblages of the fair, we have seen 
 
MISCELLANEOUS. 291 
 
 noses faultless in form, but tinged with the abhorred hue, 
 to which washes and cosmetics have been applied in wild 
 despair; but in vain ! If the lovely owners had known 
 the cause, how speedily the effect would have vanished ! 
 for surely the most perverse admirer of a distorted ppine 
 and compressed lungs, would deem the acquisition of a 
 dram-drinker's nose, too heavy a condition to be complied 
 with. 
 
 A well-bred woman will not demand as a, right what 
 she may have a claim to expect from the politeness of 
 the other sex, nor show dissatisfaction and rese v ntment if 
 she fancies herself neglected. For want of good breed- 
 ing some females are exorbitant in their expectations, 
 and appear unthankful even when everything i^ done 
 which true politeness demands. Young women should 
 guard against this unamiable defect. 
 
 A well-bred person will take care not to use slang 
 words and expressions. There never has been a time, 
 at least in late years, when there have not been some 
 two or three cant vulgarisms in vogue among all the 
 blackguards of the country. Sometimes these phrases 
 have been caught up from some .popular song or farce; 
 sometimes, we believe, they have had their origin "where 
 assembles the collective wisdom of the country." A 
 dczen of these terse but meaningless sayings now dance 
 before our recollection, for who has not heard them, even 
 to loathing ? But from whatever source they may have 
 been drawn, or whatever wit there might be in their 
 original position, the obtrusion of them into decent so- 
 ciety is an unwarrantable piece of impertinence. 
 
292 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 A habit of inserting into familiar conversation such 
 phrases as " You know," "You perceive," " You under- 
 stand," " Says he," " Says she," is, so far as those mat- 
 ters extend, a sign of a want of good breeding. 
 
 With regard to any specific rules for dressing, we do 
 not pretend to arbitrate in such matters. Let a true 
 sense of propriety, of the fitness of things, regulate all 
 your habits of living and dressing, and it will produce 
 such a beautiful harmony and consistency of character 
 as will throw a charm around you that all will feel, 
 though few may comprehend. Always consider well 
 whether the articles of dress, which you wish to purcnase, 
 are suited to your age, your condition, your means ; 'to 
 the climate, to the particular use to which you mean to 
 put them ; and let the principles of good taste keep you 
 from the extremes of the fashion, and regulate the form, 
 BO as to combine utility and beauty, whilst the known 
 rules of harmony in colors save you from shocking the 
 eye of the artist by incongruous mixtures. 
 
 u Manners," says the eloquent Edmund Burke, "are 
 of more importance than laws. Upon them, in a great 
 measure, the laws depend. The law can touch us here 
 and there, now and then. Manners are what vex or 
 sooth, corrupt or purify, exalt or debase, barbarise or 
 refine, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible opera- 
 tion, like that of the air we breathe in. They give their 
 whole form and colors to our lives. According to their 
 quality they aid morals, they supply them, or they to- 
 tally destroy them." 
 
MISCELLANEOUS. 
 
 FOUR IMPORTANT RULES. 
 " Order is heaven's first law." 
 
 1. A suitable place for everything, and everything in 
 its place. 
 
 2. A proper time for everything, and everything done 
 in its time. 
 
 3. A distinct name for everything, and everything 
 called by its name. 
 
 4. A certain use for everything, and everything put 
 to i'ts use. 
 
 * Much time would be saved ; many disputes avoided ; 
 numerous articles kept from being lost or injured, and 
 constant confusion and disorder prevented, by the strict 
 observance of these four important rules. 
 
 Dispense with ornaments altogether rather than wear 
 mock jewelry. 
 
 Depend upon it, silvery hair is better adapted to the 
 faded cheeks of middle age, than are tresses of nut- 
 brown or coal-black, or any of the mysterious shades 
 produced by a dirty decoction called Hair-dye. 
 
 The habitual use of very thin shoes invariably makes 
 the feet tender, and a host of other inconveniences arise 
 therefrom. If you are tempted to purchase tight "shoes, 
 don't, for several reasons ; but one may suffice you will 
 not wear them more than twice. 
 
 If you are not quite certain of the line between neat- 
 ness and the reverse, be over-scrupulous about your un- 
 der garments. The edge of a soiled petticoat, or the 
 glimpse of a rent stocking is singularly disenchanting. 
 
 Men of sense I speak not of boys of eighteen to 
 
294 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 five and twenty, during their age of detestability men 
 who are worth the trouble of falling in love with, and 
 the fuss and inconvenience, of being married to, and to 
 whom one might, after some inward conflicts, and a 
 course perhaps of fasting and self-humiliation, submit to 
 fulfil those ill-contrived vows of obedience which are ex- 
 acted at the altar, such men want, for their wives, 
 companions, not dolls ; and women who would suit such 
 men are just as capable of loving fervently, deeply, as 
 the Ringlettina, full of song and sentiment, who cannot 
 walk, cannot rise in the morning, cannot tie her bonnet- 
 strings, faints if she has to lace her boots, never in her 
 life brushed out her beautiful hair, would not for the 
 world prick her delicate finger with plain sewing ; but 
 who can work harder than a factory girl upon a larnb's- 
 wool shepherdess, dance like a dervise at balls, ride like 
 a fox-hunter, and, whilst every breath of air gives her 
 cold in her father's house, and she cannot think how peo- 
 ple can endure this climate, she can go out to parties in 
 [February and March, with an inch of sleeve and half-a- 
 quarter of boddice. 
 
 All circumstances well examined, there can be no 
 doubt Providence has willed that man should be the head 
 of the human race, even as woman is its heart; that he 
 should be its strength, as she is its solace ; that he should 
 be its wisdom, as she is its gru.ce ; that he should be its 
 mind, its impetus, and its courage, as she is its sentiment 
 its charm, and its. consolation. Too great an ameliora- 
 tion could not be effected, in our opinion, in the system 
 generally adopted, which, far from correcting or even 
 compensating the presumed intellectual inequality oi the 
 
MISCELLANEOUS. 29o 
 
 two sexes, generally serves only to increase it. By 
 placing, 'for example, dancing and needle-work at the 
 extreme poles of female study, the one for its attraction 
 and the other for its utility, and by not filling the im- 
 mense interval with anything more valuable than mere 
 monotonous, imperfect, superficial, and totally unphilo- 
 sophical notions, this system has made of the greater 
 number of female seminaries, establishments which may 
 be compared alike to nursery-grounds for coquettes and 
 sempstresses. It is never remembered that in domestic 
 life conversation is of more importance than the needle 
 or choregraphy ; that a husband is neither a pacha nor 
 a lazzarone, who must be perpetually intoxicated or un- 
 ceasingly patched ; that there are upon the conjugal dial 
 many long hours of calm intimacy, of cool contempla- 
 tion, of cold tenderness ; and that the husband makes 
 another home elsewhere if his own hearth offers him only 
 silence ; or what is a hundred times worse, merely frivol- 
 ous and monotonous discourse. Let the woman play the 
 gossip at a given moment, that is all very well ; let her 
 superintend the laundry or the kitchen at another, that 
 is also very well ; but these duties only comprise two- 
 thirds of her mission. / Ought. care not to be taken that 
 during the rest of her time she could also be capable of 
 becoming to her husband a rational friend, a cheerful 
 partner, an interesting companion, or, at least, an effi- 
 cient listener, whose natural intelligence, even if origin- 
 ally inferior to his own, shall, by the help of education, 
 have been raised to the same level ! / 
 
 Pascal says " Kind words do not cost much. They 
 never blister the tongue or lips, And we have never 
 
296 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 heard of any mental trouble arising from this quarter. 
 Though they do not cost much. 1. They help one's own 
 good nature. Soft words soften our own soul. Angry 
 words are fuel to the flame of wrath, and make it blaze 
 more fiercely. 2. Kind words make other people good na- 
 lured. Cold words freeze people, and hot words scorch 
 them, and bitter words make them bitter, and wrathful 
 words make them wrathful. There is such a rush of all 
 other kinds of words in our days, that it seems desirable 
 to give kind words a change among them. There are 
 vain words, and idle words, and hasty words, and spite 
 ful words, and silly words, and empty words, and pro- 
 fane words, and boisterous words, and warlike words. 
 Kind words also produce their own image on men's souls. 
 And a beautiful image it is. They smooth, and quiet, 
 and comfort the hearer. They shame him out of his 
 sour, morose, unkind feelings. We have not yet begun 
 to use kind words in such abundance as they ought to be 
 used." 
 
 A writer in the New York Observer, speaking of the 
 necessity of guarding the tongue, says : 
 
 " It is always well to avoid saying everything that is 
 improper; but it is especially so before children. And 
 here parents, as well as others, are often in fault. Child- 
 ren have as many ears as grown persons, and they are 
 generally more attentive to what is said before them. 
 What they hear, they are very apt" to repeat ; and, as 
 they have no discretion, and not sufficient knowledge of 
 the world to disguise anything, it is generally found ihat 
 'children and fools speak the truth.' See that boy's 
 eyes glisten while you are speaking of neighbor in a 
 
MISCELLANEOUS. 297 
 
 language you would not wish to have repeated. He doea 
 not fully understand what you mean, but he will remem- 
 ber every word ; and it will be strange if he does not 
 cause you to blush by the repetition. 
 
 " A gentleman was in the habit of calling at a neigh- 
 bor's house, and the lady had always expressed to him 
 great pleasure from his calls. One day, just after she 
 had remarked to him, as usual, her happiness from his 
 visit, her little boy entered the room. The gentleman 
 took him on his knee, and asked, ' Are you not glad to 
 see me, George?' 'No, sir,' replied the boy. 'Why 
 not, my little man?' he continued. 'Because mother 
 don't want you to come,' said George. 'Indeed! how 
 do you know that, George ?' Here the mother became 
 crimson, and looked daggers at her little son. But he 
 saw nothing, and therefore replied, ' Because, she said 
 yesterday, she wished that old bore would not call here 
 again.' That was enough. The gentleman's hat was 
 soon in requisition, and he left with the impression that 
 'great is the truth, and it will prevail.' 
 
 " Another little child looked sharply in the face of a 
 visitor, and being asked what she meant by it, replied, 
 * I wanted to see if you had a drop in your' eye ; I heard 
 mother say you had frequently.' 
 
 "A boy once asked one of his father's guests who it was 
 that lived next door to him, and when he heard his name, 
 inquired if he was not a fool. 'No, my little friend/ 
 replied the guest, ' he is not a fool, but a very sensible 
 man. But why did you ask that question ?' ' Because/ 
 replied the bo^, 'mother said the other day, that you 
 
298 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 were next door to a fool ; and I wanted to know who 
 lived next door to you." 
 
 The best way to overcome the selfishness and rudeness 
 you sometimes meet with on public occasions, is, by great 
 politeness and disinterestedness on your 'part ; overcome 
 evil with good, and you will satisfy your own conscience, 
 and, perhaps, touch theirs. Contending for your rights 
 stirs up the selfish feelings in others ; but a readiness to 
 yield them awakens generous sentiments, and leads to 
 mutual accommodation. The more refined you arc, and 
 the greater have been your advantages, the more polite 
 and considerate you should be toward others, the more 
 ready to give place to some poor, uneducated girl, who 
 knows no better than to push herself directly in your 
 way. 
 
 Politeness is as necessary to a happy intercourse with 
 the inhabitants of the kitchen, as with those of the par- 
 lof ; it lessens the pains of service, promotes kind feel- 
 ings on both sides, and checks unbecoming familiarity ; 
 always thank them for what they do for you, and always 
 ask rather than command their services. 
 
 Of late years, the wearing of jewelry, in season and 
 out of season, both by matrons and unmarried females, 
 has increased vastly. It is an, indication that the grow- 
 ing wealth of the people is not accompanied by a cor- 
 responding refinement ; but that the love of vulgar show, 
 the low pride of ostentation, takes the place of a pure 
 and elevated taste. The emulation with fashionable 
 dames, now-a-days, so far from being, as with the Spar- 
 tan w r omen, to excel each other in household virtues, is 
 to wear the largest diamonds. And, in this ambition, 
 
MISCELLANEOUS. 299 
 
 they forget fitness, beauty, taste, everything but the 
 mere vulgar desire to shine. To be gracefully and ele- 
 gantly attired, in short, is secondary to the desire to be 
 a sort of jeweler's walking show-card. We do not op- 
 pose the use of diamonds and pearls altogether, as some 
 persons might imagine from these remarks. A few dia- 
 monds, judiciously worn, look well, on proper occasions, 
 on married women. But young girls rarely, or never, 
 improve their appearance by the use of these dazzling 
 jewels; and, as a general rule, the simpler the costume 
 of a woman in her teens, the better. Women are usu- 
 ally pretty, up to the age of twenty, at least. Conse- 
 guently, at this period of life, there are few whom -an 
 elaborate attire does not injure ; a simple dress, or a 
 rose-bud in the hair, is frequently all that is required ; 
 and more only spoils that combination of youthfulness, 
 grace, and modesty, which it should be the highest 
 ambition of the girl to attain ; because, if she did 
 but know it, it is her highest charm. Instead of this, 
 however, we see gay females, scarcely freed from the 
 nursery, wearing enormous jeweled ear-drops, or sporting 
 on the finger, a diamond ring as large as a sixpence. 
 Sometimes, too, ladies pretending to be well-bred, de- 
 scend to receive a morning visitor of their own sex, glit- 
 tering like a jeweler's case, with costly gems. In all 
 this, we repeat, there is neither refinement nor elegance, 
 but simply vulgar ostentation. Female dress has ceased 
 to be a means of beautifying the person or displaying 
 the wearer's taste, and has become instead, a mere brag 
 of the husband's or father's wealth. 
 A knowledge of domestic duties is beyond all price to 
 
300 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 a woman. Every one of the sex ought to know how to 
 sew, and knit, and mend, and cook, and superintend a 
 household. In every situation of life, high or low, this 
 sort of knowledge is of great advantage. There is no 
 necessity that the gaining of such information should in- 
 terfere with intellectual acquirement or even elegant ac- 
 complishment. A well-regulated mind can find time to 
 attend to all. When a girl is nine or ten years old, she 
 should be accustomed to take some regular share in 
 household duties, and to feel responsible for the manner 
 in which her part is performed such as her own mend- 
 ing, washing the cups and putting them in place, clean- 
 ing silver, or dusting and arranging the parlor. Tbis 
 should not be done occasionally, and neglected whenever 
 she finds "it convenient she should consider it her de- 
 partment. When older than twelve, girls should begin 
 to take turns in superintending the household making 
 puddings, pies, cakes, &c. To learn effectually, they 
 should actually do these themselves, and not stand by 
 and see others do them. Many a husband has been ru- 
 ined for want of these domestic qualities in a wife and 
 many a husband has been saved from ruin by his wife 
 being able to manage well the household concerns. 
 
 It is a mark, not only of ill-breeding, but of positive 
 want of feeling and judgment, to speak disparagingly 
 of a physician to one of his patients. Many persons, 
 visiting an invalid friend, will exclaim loudly against 
 the treatment pursued, recommend a different doctor, 
 and add to the sufferings of the patient by their injudi- 
 cious remarks upon the medicines or practice used. 
 
 It is too much the fashion, in conversation, to use ex- 
 
MISCELLANEOUS. 301 
 
 aggerated expressions which are opposed to truth, with- 
 out the person employing them being aware of it, from 
 the mere force of habit. Why need we say splendid for 
 pretty, magnificent for handsome, horrid for unpleasant, 
 immense for large, thousands, "or myriads, for any num- 
 ber more than two ? This practice is pernicious, for the 
 effect is to deprive the person who is guilty of it, from 
 being believed, when she is in earnest. No one can trust 
 the testimony of an individual who, in common conver- 
 sation, is indifferent to the import, and regardless of tho 
 value of words. 
 
 Politeness is very essential to the right transaction 
 of that great business of woman's life, shopping. The 
 variety afforded by the shops of a city renders people 
 difficult to please ; and the latitude they take in exam- 
 ining and asking the price of goods, which they have no 
 thought of buying, is so trying to the patience of those 
 who attend upon them, that nothing but the most perr 
 feet courtesy of demeanor can reconcile them to it. 
 Some persons behave, in shopping, as if no one had any 
 rights, or any feelings, but the purchasers ; as if the 
 sellers of goods were mere automatons, put behind the 
 counter to do their bidding; they keep them waiting, 
 whilst they talk of other things, with a friend ; they 
 call for various goods, ask the price, and try to cheapen 
 them, without any real intention of buying. A lady 
 who wants decision of character, after hesitating and 
 debating, till the poor trader's patience is almost ex- 
 hausted, will beg him to send the article to her house, 
 for her to examine it there ; and, after giving him all 
 
302 LADIES' BOOK OP ETIQUETTE. 
 
 this trouble, she will refuse to purchase it, without any 
 scruple or apology. Some think they have a right to 
 exchange articles at the place where they were bought ; 
 whereas that privilege should be asked as a favor, ouly 
 by a good customer, and then but rarely. 
 
RECEIPTS. 
 
 FOR THE COMPLEXION. 
 
 COLD CREAM, 1. Take 2J ounces of sweet oil of al- 
 monds, 3 drachms of white wax, and the same of sperma- 
 ceti, 2J ounces of rose-water, 1 drachm of oil of berga- 
 mot, and 15 drops each of oil of lavender, and otto of 
 roses. Melt the wax and spermaceti in the oil of al- 
 monds, by placing them together in a jar, which should 
 be plunged into boiling water. Heat a mortar (which 
 should, if possible, be marble) by pouring boiling water 
 into it, and letting it remain there until the mortar ia 
 uniformly heated ; the water is to be poured away, and 
 the mortar dried well. Pour the melted wax and sperm- 
 aceti into the warm mortar, and add rose-water gradu- 
 ally, while the mixture is constantly stirred or whisked 
 with an egg-whisp, until the whole is cold, and, when 
 nearly finished, add the oils and otto of roses. 
 
 In the absence of a mortar, a basin plunged into an- 
 other containing boiling water will answer the purpose. 
 
 COLD CREAM, 2. Take 10 drachms of spermaceti, 4 
 
 303 
 
LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 drachms of white wax, half a pound of prepared lard, 15 
 grains of subcarbonate of potash, 4 ounces of rose-water, 
 2 ounces of spirits of wine, and ten drops of otto of 
 roses. 
 
 Proceed as above. Some persons prefer orange-flower- 
 water instead of rose-water, in which case use the same 
 proportions. 
 
 Cold cream is a useful local application to hard and 
 dry pa.rts of the skin, to abrasions and cracks. When 
 spread thickly upon rag, it is an excellent application to 
 blistered surfaces or burns, or may be used to protect ex- 
 posed parts from the influence of the sun. 
 
 GRANULATED COLD CREAM. Take white wax ant?, 
 spermaceti, of each one ounce ; almond oil 3 ounces, otto 
 of rose, as much as you please. Dissolve the wax and 
 spermaceti in the almond oil, by means of heat, and 
 when a little cool, pour the mixture into a large wedg- 
 wood mortar previously warmed, and containing about a 
 pint of warm water. Stir briskly until the cream is well 
 divided, add the otto, and suddenly pour the whole into 
 a clean vessel containing 8 or 12 pints of cold water. 
 Sepaiate the cream by straining through inuslin, and 
 shake out as much water as possible. 
 
 WHITE CAMPHORATED OINTMENT, .1. Take 8 ounces 
 2 drachms of powdered carbonate of lead (corussa), 45 
 grains of powdered camphor. Mix, and then stir into 5 
 ounces of melted lard. 
 
 This is applied to burns and contusions with very good 
 effjct, and is much used in Austria. The surface must 
 not be abraded when it is applied. 
 
 WHITE CAMPHORATED OINTMENT, 2. Take 4 ounce* 
 
RECEIPTS. 305 
 
 of olive oil, 1 ounce of white wax. 22 grains of camphor, 
 and 6 drachms of spermaceti. Melt the wax and sperm- 
 aceti with the oil, and when they have cooled rub the 
 ointment with the camphor, dissolved in a little oil. 
 Sometimes the white wax is omitted, and lard substituted 
 for it. 
 
 It is useful in chaps, fissures, abrasions, and roughness 
 of the skin. 
 
 PITCH POMADE, 1 Take 1 drachm of pitch, and 1 
 ounce of lard. Mix well, and apply twice a day to the 
 affected parts. 
 
 This is used for ringworm, and scald head. 
 
 TO SOFTEN THE SKIN, AND IMPROVE THE COMPLEXION. 
 
 If flowers of sulphur be mixed in a little milk, and, 
 after standing an hour or two, the milk (without disturb- 
 ing the sulphur) be rubbed into the skin, it will keep it 
 soft, and make the complexion clear. It is to be used 
 before washing. 
 
 To REMOVE BLACK STAINS FROM THE SKIN. Ladies 
 that wear mourning in warm weather are much incom- 
 moded by the blackness it leaves on the arms and neck, 
 and which cannot easily be removed, even by soap and 
 warm water. To have a remedy always at hand, keep^ 
 in the drawer of your wash-stand, a box, containing a 
 a mixture in equal portions of cream of tartar, and ox- 
 alb acid (POISON). Get, at a druggist's, half an ounce 
 of each of these articles, and have them mixed and 
 pounded together in a mortar. Put some of this mix- 
 ture into a cup that has a cover, and if, afterwards, it 
 becomes hard, you may keep it slightly moistened with 
 Water. See that it is always closely covered. To use 
 20 
 
806 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 it, wet the black stains on your skin with the corner of a 
 towel, dipped in water (warm water is best, but is not al- 
 ways at hand). Then, with your finger, rub on a little 
 of the mixture. Then immediately wash it off with 
 watr>r, and afterwards with soap and water, and the black 
 stains will be visible no longer. This mixture will alsc 
 remove ink, and all other stains from the fingers, and 
 from white clothes. It is more speedy in its effects if 
 applied with warm water. No family should be without 
 it, h'?t care must be taken to keep it out of the way of 
 young children, as, if swallowed, it is poisonous. 
 
 PASTES. 
 
 ALMOND. Take 1 ounce of bitter almonds, blanch 
 and pound them to a fine powder, then add 1 ounce of 
 barley flour, and make it into a smooth paste by the ad- 
 dition of a little honey. When this paste is laid over 
 the skin, particularly where there are freckles, it makes 
 it smooth and soft. 
 
 PALATINE. Take 8 ounces of soft-soap, of olive oil, 
 and spirits of wine, each 4 ounces, 1J ounce of lemon- 
 juice, sufficient silver-sand to form into a thick paste, 
 and any perfume that is grateful to the person. Boil 
 the oil and soap together in a pipkin, and then gradually 
 stir in the sand and lemon-juice. When nearly cool add 
 the spirit of wine, and lastly the perfume. Make into 
 a paste with the hands, and place in jars or pots for 
 use. 
 
 This paste is used instead of soap, and is a valuable 
 addition to the toilette, as it preserves the skin from 
 chapping, and renders it smooth and soft. 
 
RECEIPTS. 307 
 
 AMERICAN COSMETIC POWDER. Calcined magnesia 
 applied the same as ordinary toilette powders, by means 
 of a swan's-down ball, usually called a "puff." 
 
 MAL~OINE. Take 4 ounces of powdered marsh-mallow 
 roots, 2 ounces of powdered white starch, 3 drachms of 
 powdered orris-root, and 20 drops of essence of jasmine. 
 Mix well, and sift through fine muslin. 
 
 This is one of the most agreeable and elegant cosmet- 
 ics yet known for softening and whitening the skin, pre- 
 serving it from chapping, and being so simple that it 
 may be applied to the most delicate or irritable skin. 
 
 This receipt has never before been published, and we 
 know that only six bottles of it have been made. 
 
 OXIDE OF ZINC is sprinkled into chaps and fissures to 
 promote their cure. 
 
 YAOULTA. Take 1 ounce of white starch, powdered 
 and sifted, J a drachm of rose pink, 10 drops of essence 
 of jasmine, and 2 drops of otto of roses. Mix and .keep 
 in a fine muslin bag. 
 
 This exquisite powder is to be dusted over the face, 
 and, being perfectly harmless, may be used as often as 
 necessity requires. It also imparts a delicate rosy tingo 
 to the skin preferable to rouge. 
 
 CREME DE I/ENCLOS. Take 4 ounces of milk, 1 ounce 
 of lemon-juice, and 2 drachms of spirit of wine. Sim- 
 mer over a slow fire, and then bring it to the boil, skim 
 off the scum, and when cold apply it to the skin. 
 
 It is much used by some persons to remove freckles 
 and sun-burnings. 
 
808 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 WASHES AND LOTIONS. 
 
 MILK OF ROSES, 1. Take 2 ounces of blanched almonds ; 
 12 ounces of rose-water ; white soft 7 soap, or Windsor 
 soap ; white wax ; and oil of almonds, of each 2 drachms ; 
 rectified spirit, 3 ounces ; oil of bergamot, 1 drachm ; 
 oil of lavender, 15 drops; otto of roses, 8 drops. Beat 
 the alrnonds well, and then add the rose-water gradually 
 so as to form an emulsion, mix the soap, white wax, and 
 oil together, by placing them in a covered jar upon the 
 edge of the fire-place, then rub this mixture in a mortar 
 with the emulsion. Strain the whole through very fine 
 muslin, and add the essential oils, previously mixed with 
 the spirit. 
 
 This is an excellent wash for "sunburns," freckles, or 
 for cooling the face and neck, or any part of the skin to 
 which it is applied. 
 
 MILK OF ROSES, 2. This is not quite so expensive a 
 receipt as the last ; and, at the. same time is not so good, 
 
 Take 1 ounce of Jordan almonds ; 5 ounces of dis- 
 tilled rose-water ; 1 ounce of spirit of wine ; J a drachm 
 of Venetian soap, and 2 drops of otto of roses. Beat 
 the almonds (previously blanched and well dried with a 
 cloth) in a mortar, until they become a complete paste, 
 then beat the soap and mix with the almonds, and after- 
 wards add the rose-water and spirit. Strain through a 
 very fine muslin or linen, and add the otto of roses. 
 
 The common milk of roses sold in the shops, fre- 
 quently contains salt of tartar, or pearlash, combined 
 with olive oil and rose-water, and therefore it is better 
 to make it yourself to ensure it being good. 
 
RECEIPTS. 309 
 
 FRENCH MILK OF ROSES. Mix 2J pints of rose-water 
 with -|- a pint of rosemary-water, then add tincture of 
 storax. and tincture of benzoin, of each 2 ounces ; and 
 esprit de rose, \ an ounce. This is a useful wash for 
 freckles. 
 
 GERMAN MILK OF ROSES. Take of rose-water and 
 milk of almonds, each 3 ounces ; water 8 ounces ; rose- 
 mary-water 2 ounces ; and spirit of lavender J an ounce. 
 Mix well, and then add \ an ounce of sugar of lead. 
 
 This is a dangerous form to leave about where there 
 are children, and should never be applied when there are 
 any abrasions, or chaps on the surface. 
 
 MILK OF ALMONDS. Blanch 4 ounces of Jordan al- 
 monds, dry them with a towel, and then pound them in 
 a mortar ; add 2 drachms of white or curd soap, and rub 
 it up with the almonds for about ten minutes or rather 
 more, gradually adding one quart of rose-water, until 
 the whole is well mixed, then strain through a fine piece 
 of muslin, and bottle for use. 
 
 This is an excellent remedy for freckles and sunburns, 
 and may be used as a general cosmetic, being applied to 
 the skin after washing by means of the corner of a soft 
 towel. 
 
 ANTI-FRECKLE LOTION, 1. Take tincture of benzoin, 
 2 ounces ; tincture of tolu, 1 ounce ; oil of rosemary, \ 
 a drachm. Mix well and bottle. When required to be 
 used, add a teaspoonful of the mixture to about a wine- 
 glassful of water, and apply the lotion to the face or 
 hands, &c., night and morning, carefully rubbing it in 
 with a soft towel. 
 
 ANTI-FRECKLE LOTION, 2. Take 1 ounce of rectified 
 
310 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 spirit of wine ; 1 drachm of hydrochloric ac - i > v . x &i 
 salt) ; and 7 ounces of water. Mix the acid gradually 
 with the water, and then add the spirit of wine ; apply 
 by means of a camel's-hair brush, or a piece of flannel. 
 
 GOWLAXD'S LOTION. Take 1 J grains of bichloride of 
 mercury, and 1 ounce of emulsion of bitter almonds; 
 mix well. Be careful of the bichloride of mercury, be- 
 cause it is a poison. 
 
 This is one of the best cosmetics for imparting a deli- 
 cate appearance and softness to the skin, and is a useful 
 lotion in acne, ringworm, hard and dry skin, and sun- 
 blisterings. 
 
 COLD CREAM. Sweet almond oil, 7 Ibs. by weight, 
 white wax, -J lb., spermaceti, J lb., clarified mutton suet, 
 lib., rose-water, 7 pints, spirits of wine, 1 pint. Direc- 
 tions to mix the above : Place the oil, wax, spermaceti, 
 and suet in a large jar; cover it' over tightly, then place 
 it in a saucepan of boiling water, (having previously 
 placed two or more pieces of fire-wood at 'the bottom of 
 the saucepan, to allow the water to get underneath the 
 jar, and to prevent its breaking) keep the water boiling 
 round the jar till all the ingredients are dissolved ; take 
 it out of the water, and pour it into a large pan previ- 
 ously warmed and capable of holding 21 pints ; then, 
 with a wooden spatula, stir in the rose-water, cold, aa 
 quickly as possible, (dividing it into three or four parts, 
 .at most,) the stirring in of which should not occupy 
 above five minutes, as after a certain heat the water will 
 not mix. When all the w r ater is in, stir unremittingly 
 for thirty minutes longer, to prevent its separating, then 
 add the spirits of wine, and the scent, and it is finished. 
 
RECEIPTS. 811 
 
 Keep it in a cold place, in a white glazed jar, and do 
 not cut it with a steel knife, as it causes blackness at the 
 parts of contact. Scent with otto of roses and essential 
 oil of bergamot to fancy. For smaller quantities, make 
 ounces instead of pounds. 
 
 PALM So\p. I make it in the following manner: 
 Cut thin two pounds of yellow soap into a double sauce- 
 pan, occasionally stirring it till it is melted, which will 
 be in a few minutes if the water is kept boiling around 
 it; then add quarter of a pound of palm oil, quarter 
 of a pound of honey, three pennyworth of true oil 
 of cinnamon ; let all boil together another six or eight 
 minutes; pour out and stand it by till next day; it is 
 then fit for immediate use. If made as these directions 
 it will be- found to be a very superior soap. 
 
 CURE FOR CHAPPED HANDS. Take 3 drachms of 
 gum camphor, 3 drachms of white beeswax, 3 drachms 
 of spermaceti, 2 ounces of olive oil, put them- together 
 in a cup upon the stove, where they will melt slowly and 
 form a white ointment in a few minutes. If the hands 
 be affected, anoint them on going to bed, and put on a 
 pair of gloves. A day or two will suffice to heal them. 
 
 To WHITEN THE NAILS. Diluted sulphuric acid, 2 
 drachms ; tincture of myrrh, 1 drachm ; spring water, 4 
 ounces. Mix. First cleanse with white soap, and then 
 dip the fingers into the mixture. 
 
 To WHITEN THE HANDS. Take i wine-glassful of 
 eau de Cologne, and another of lemon-juice ; then scrape 
 two cakes of brown Windsor soap to a powder, and mix 
 well in a mould. When hard, it will be an excellent 
 soap for whitening the hands. 
 
812 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 FOR THE TEETH. 
 
 To REMOVE TARTAR FROM THE TEETH. 1st. The use 
 of the tooth-brush night and morning, and, at least, 
 rinsing the mouth after every meal at which animal food 
 is taken. 2nd. Once daily run the brush lightly two or 
 three times over soap, then dip it in salt, and with it 
 clean the teeth, working the brush up and down rathei 
 than or as well as backwards and forwards. This is 
 a cheap, safe, and effectual dentrifice. 3rd. Eat freely 
 of common cress, the sort used with mustard, under the 
 name of small salad ; it must be eaten with salt only. 
 If thus used two or three days in succession it will ef- 
 fectually loosen tartar, even of long standing. The 
 same effect is produced, though perhaps not in an equal 
 degree, by eating strawberries and raspberries, especially 
 the former. A leaf of common green sage rubbed on 
 the teeth is useful both in cleansing and polishing, and 
 probably many other common vegetable productions al.so. 
 
 CARE OF THE TEETH. The water with which the teeth 
 are cleansed should be what is called lukewarm. They 
 should be well but gently brushed both night and morn- 
 ing ; the brush should be neither too hard nor too .soft. 
 The best tooth-powders are made from cuttle-fish, pre- 
 pared chalk, and orris-root commingled together in equal 
 quantities. 
 
 SIMPLE MEANS OF REMOVING TARTAR FROM TUB 
 TEETH. In these summer months, tartar may be effectu- 
 ally removed from the teeth, by partaking daily of 
 strawberries. 
 
 TOOTH POWDER. Powdered orris-root, J an ounce; 
 
RECEIPTS. 313 
 
 powdered charcoal, 2 ounces, powdered leruvian bark, 
 1 ounce ; prepared chalk, J an ounce ; oil of bergamot, 
 or lavender, 20 drops. These ingredients must be well 
 worked up in a mortar, until thoroughly incorporated. 
 This celebrated tooth-powder possesses three essential 
 virtues, giving an odorous breath, cleansing and purify- 
 ing the gums, and preserving the enamel; the last rarely 
 found in popular tooth-powders. 
 
 TOOTH-POWDER. One of the best tooth-powders that 
 can be used may be made by mixing together 1J ounces 
 prepared chalk, J ounce powder of bark, and J ounce of 
 camphor. 
 
 A CHEAP BUT GOOD TOOTH-POWDER. Cut a slice of 
 
 bread as thick as may be, into squares, and burn in the 
 fire until_ it becomes charcoal, after which pound in a 
 mortar, and sift through a fine muslin; it is -then ready 
 for use. 
 
 CHEAP AND INVALUABLE DENTIFRICE. Dissolve 2 
 ounces of borax, in three pints of water ; before quite 
 cold, add thereto one tea-spoonful of tincture of myrh, 
 and one table-spoonful of spirits of camphor ; bottle the 
 mixture for use. One wine-glass of the solution, added 
 to half a pint of tepid water, is sufficient for each appli- 
 cation. This solution, applied daily, preserves and 
 beautifies the teeth, extirpates all tartarous adhesion, 
 produces a pearl-like whiteness, arrests decay, and in* 
 duces a healthy action in the gums. 
 
 INVALUABLE DENTIFRICE. Dissolve two ounces of 
 borax in three pints of boiling water ; before quite cold, 
 add one tea-spoonful of tincture of myrrh, and one table- 
 spoonful of spirits of camphor ; bottle the mixture for 
 
314 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 use. One wine-glassful of this solution, added to half a 
 pint of tepid water, is sufficient for each application. 
 
 FOR THE HA IK. 
 
 Loss OF HAIR. The most simple remedy for loss of 
 hair, is friction to the scalp of the head, using for the 
 purpose an old tooth-brush, or one of which the bristles 
 have been softened by soaking in boiling water. The 
 shape of the instrument adapts it to be inserted readily 
 and effectually between the hair, where it should be 
 rubbed backwards and forwards over the space of an 
 inch or so at a time. In addition to the friction, which 
 should be used once or twice a day, the head may be 
 showered once a day with cold water, carefully drying it 
 with soft, spongy towels. 
 
 POMATUM. Take of white mutton suet 4 pounds, 
 well boiled in hot water, (3 quarts,) and washed to free 
 it from salt. Melt the suet, when dried, with 1J pounds 
 of fresh lard, and 2 pounds of yellow wax. Pour into 
 an earthen vessel, and stir till it is cold; then beat into 
 it 30 drops of oil of cloves, or any other essential oil 
 whose scent you .prefer. If this kind of pomatum is too 
 hard, use less wax. 
 
 At times numbers of loose hairs come away in the 
 brushing or combing. Such cases as these will generally 
 be found remedial. Wilson recommends women with 
 short hair to dip their heads into cold water every morn- 
 ing, and afterwards apply the brush until a glow of 
 warmth is felt all over the scalp. Those who have long 
 hair are to brush it till the skin beneath becomes red, 
 when a lotion is to be applied, as here specified. 
 
RECEIPTS. . 315 
 
 Eau do Cologne :...2 oz. 
 
 Tincture of Caritharides J oz. 
 
 Oil of Nutmegs i drachm. 
 
 Oil of Lavender 10 drops. 
 
 To be well mixed together. 
 
 Another is composed of : 
 
 Mczereon bark in small pieces 1 oz, 
 
 Horse-Radish root in small pieces 1 oz. 
 
 Boiling distilled Vinegar.. pint. 
 
 Let this infusion stand for a week, and then strain through 
 muslin for use. 
 
 If irritating to the skin, these lotions can be made 
 weaker, or less frequently applied than might otherwise 
 be necessary. Either of them, or distilled vinegar alone, 
 may be rubbed into a bald patch with a tooth-brush. 
 The same lotions may also be used if the hair is disposed 
 to become gray too early ; as they invigorate the appa- 
 ratus situated beneath the skin, and enable it to take up 
 coloring matter. Dyeing of the hair is a practice which 
 ought never to be resorted to. Those who are unwilling or 
 unable to discontinue the practice of applying some kind 
 of dressing to the hair, should, at least, content them- 
 selves with a simple, yet good material. The best olivo 
 oil is most suitable for the purpose, scented with otto of 
 roses or bergamot ; the latter, as many persons know, is 
 the essence of a species of mint. The same scents may 
 also be used for pomatum, which should be made of per- 
 fectly pure lard, or marrow. 
 
 HAIR OILS, c. When used moderately, oils, oint- 
 ments, &c., tend to strengthen the hair, especially when 
 ifc is naturally dry When used in excess, however, they 
 
316 LADIES' BOOK or ETIQUETTE. 
 
 clog the pores, prevent the escape of the natural secre- 
 tions, and cause the hair to wither and fall off. The va- 
 rieties of " oils," " Greases," " ointments," rivaling each- 
 other in their high sounding pretensions, which are daily 
 imposed upon public credulity, are interminable. Wo 
 add one or two of the most simple. 
 
 FOE THICKENING THE HAIR. To one ounce of Palma 
 Christ! oil, add a sufficient quantity of bergamot or lav- 
 ender to scent it. Apply it to the parts where it is most 
 need* d, brushing it well into the hair. 
 
 ANOINTMENT FOR THE HAIR. Mix two ounces of 
 bear's grease, half an ounce of honey, one drachm of 
 laudanum, three drachms of the powder of southernwood, 
 three drachms of the balsam of Peru, one and a half 
 drachms of the ashes of the roots of bulrushes, and a 
 small quantity of the oil of sweet almonds. 
 
 MACASSAR OIL. It is said to be compounded of the 
 following ingredients : To three quarts of common oil, 
 add half-a-pint of spirits of wine, three ounces of cinna- 
 mon powder, and two ounces of bergamot; heat the 
 whole in a large pipkin. On removing from the fire, add 
 three or four small pieces of alkanet root, and keep the 
 vessel closely covered for several hours. When cool, it 
 may be filtered through a funnel lined with filtering 
 paper. 
 
 Whether oils are used or not, the hair ought night and 
 morning to be carefully and elaborately brushed. This 
 is one of the best preservatives of its beauty. 
 
 The following is recommended as an excellent Hair 
 Oil : Boil together half-a-pint of port wine, one pint 
 End a-half of sweet oil, and half-a-pound of green south- 
 
RECEIPTS. 317 
 
 ernwood. Strain the mixture through a linen rag several 
 times ; adding, at the last operation, two ounces of 
 bear's greasg. If fresh southernwood is added each time 
 it passes through the linen, the composition will be im- 
 proved. 
 
 POMADE VICTORIA. This highly-praised and excel- 
 lent pomade is 'made in the following way and if so 
 made, will be found to give a beautiful gloss and softness 
 to the hair : Quarter of a-pound of honey and half-an- 
 ounce of bees' wax simmered together for a few minutes 
 and then strain. Add of oil of almonds, lavender, and 
 thyme, half-a-drachm each. Be sure to continue stirring 
 till quite cold, or the honey and wax will separate. 
 
 LEMON POMATUM. Best lard, two pounds ; suet, half- 
 a-pound ; dissolve with a gentle heat, and mix them, well 
 together. Then add four ounces of orange-flower abater, 
 &nd four ounces of rose-water, and mix them well to- 
 gether before adding, or they will separate. Having 
 done this, add a quarter of an ounce of essence of lemon ; 
 half-a-drachm of musk, and half-a-drachm of oil of 
 thyme. 
 
 To COLOR POMATUM. Yellow, by palm oil or annatto ; 
 red, by alkanet root ; and green, by guaiacum, or the 
 green leaves of parsley. 
 
 BANDOLINE FOR THE HAIR, (A FRENCH RECEIPT). 
 To one quart of water put J ounce of quince pips, boil 
 it nearly an hour, stirring it well, strain it through a fine 
 muslin, let it stand twenty-four hours, and then add 
 fourteen drops of the essential oil of almonds. A des- 
 sert-spoonful of brandy may be added, if required to 
 keep a long time. 
 
318 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 BANDOLINE FOR THE HAIR. Take of castor oil, two 
 ounces; spermaceti, one drachm ; oil of bergamot, one 
 drachm ; mix with heat and strain ; then beat in six 
 drops otto of roses. If wished colored, add half-a- 
 drachm of annatto. 
 
 ANOTHER. I furnish you with an excellent form of 
 Bandoline, much more quickly made than others. Have 
 a small packet of powdered gum dragon by you, and 
 when you require any fresh bandoline, take a tea-spoon- 
 ful of the powder, and pou,r enough of boiling water on 
 it to make a small bottle full. Scent with otto of roses. 
 
 CURLING FLUID. Place two pounds of common soap, 
 cut small, into three pints of spirits of wine, with eight 
 ounces of potash, and melt the whole, stirring it with a 
 clean piece of wood. Add, on cooling, essence of amber, 
 vanilla, and neroli, of each quarter of an ounce. The 
 best method of keeping ringlets in curl, is the occasional 
 application of the yolk of an egg, and the hair, after- 
 wards, well washed in lukewarm water. Apply the egg 
 with a tooth or hair-brush. 
 
 FOR THE LIPS. 
 
 VERY EXCELLENT LIP-SALYE. Take four ounces of 
 of butter, fresh from the churn, cut it small, put it into 
 a jar, cover it with good rose-water, and let it remain 
 for four or five days ; then drain it well, and put it in^o 
 a small and very clean saucepan, with one ounce of 
 spermaceti, and one of yellow beeswax sliced thin, a 
 quarter of an ounce of bruised alkariet root, two drachms 
 of gum benzoin, and one of storax, beaten to powder, 
 half an ounce of loaf sugar, and the strained juice ol a 
 
KKCEIPTS. 319 
 
 moderate sized lemon. Simmer these gently, keeping 
 them stirred all the time, until the mixture looks very 
 clear, and sends forth a fine aromatic odour ; then strain 
 it through a thin doubled muslin, and stir to it from 
 twelve to twenty drops of essential oil of roses, and pour 
 it into small gallipots, from which it can easily be turned 
 out when cold, and then be rubbed against the lips, 
 which is the most pleasant way of using it, as it is much 
 firmer than common lip-salve, and will be found more 
 healing and infinitely more agreeable. When butter 
 cannot be had direct from the churn, any- which is quite 
 fresh may be substituted for it, after the salt has been 
 well washed and soaked out of it, by working it with a 
 strong spoon in cold water, in which it should remain for 
 a couple of days or more, the water being frequently 
 changed during the time. 
 
 ROSE LIP-SALVE. 8 ounces sweet almond oil, 4 
 ounces prepared mutton suet, 1 J ounces white wax, *2 
 ounces spermaceti, 20 drops otto ; steep a small quantity 
 of alkanet root in the oil, and strain before using. Melt 
 the suet, wax, and spermaceti together, then add the co- 
 loric oil and otto. 
 
 LIP-SALVES. A good lip-salve may be made as fol- 
 lows : Take an ounce of the oil of sweet almonds, cold 
 drawn ; a drachm of fresh mutton suet ; and a little 
 bruised alkanet root : and simmer the whole together in 
 an earthen pipkin. Instead of the oil of sweet almonds 
 you may use oil of Jasmin, or oil of any other flower, 
 if you intend the lip-salve to have a fragrant odour. 2 
 Take a pound of fresh butter ; a quarter of a pound of 
 beeswax ; four or five ounces of cleansed black grapes, 
 
820 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 and about an ounce of bruised alkanet root. Simmer 
 them together over a slow fire till the wax is wholly dis- 
 solved, and' the mixture becomes of a bright red color; 
 strain, and put it by for use. 3. Oil of almonds, 
 spermaceti, white wax, and white sugar-candy, equal 
 parts, form a good white lip-salve. 
 
 SUPERIOR LIP-SALVE. White wax, two and a half 
 ounces ; spermaceti, three quarters of an ounce ; oil of 
 almonds, four ounces. Mix well together, and apply a 
 little to the lips at night. 
 
 ANOTHER. A desert spoonful of salad oil in a saucer, 
 hold it over a candle, and drop melted wax over it till 
 the oil is thinly covered, when they are incorporated, 
 pour it into boxes. (Wax taper will do.) 
 
 FOR CORNS. 
 
 CURE FOR CORNS. Place the feet for half an hour, 
 two or three nights successively, in a pretty strong solu- 
 tion of common soda. The alkali dissolves the indurated 
 cuticle, and the corn falls out spontaneously, leaving a 
 small excavation, which soon fills up. 
 
 To REMOVE CORNS. Get four ounces of white diachy- 
 lon plaster, four ounces of shoemaker's wax, and sixty 
 drops of muriatic acid or spirits of salt. Boil them for 
 a few minutes in an earthen pipkin, and when cold, roll 
 the mass between the hands and apply a little on a piece 
 of white leather. 
 
 A CERTAIN CURE FOR SOFT CORNS. Dip a piece of 
 soft linen rag in turpentine, and wrap it round the toe 
 on which the soft corn is, night and morning ; in a fen? 
 
RECEIPTS. 
 
 days the corn will disappear ; but tlie relief is instanta- 
 neous. 
 
 PERFUMES. 
 
 To MAKE EAU DE COLOGNE. Rectified spirits of wine, 
 four pints ; oil of bergamot, one ounce ; oil of lemon, 
 half an ounce.; oil of rosemary, half a drachm; oil of 
 Neroli, three quarters of a drachm ; oil of English lav- 
 ender, one drachm ; oil of oranges, one drachm. Mix 
 well and then filter. If these proportions are too large, 
 smaller ones may be used. 
 
 EAU DE COLOGNE. Oil of neroli, citron, bergambt, 
 orange, and rosemary, of each twelve drops ; cardamom 
 seeds, one drachm ; spirits of wine, one pint. Let it 
 stand for a week. 
 
 LAVENDER WATER. Oil of lavender, 2 drachms ; oil 
 of bergamot, J drachm ; essence of musk, 1 drachm ; 
 spirits of wine, 13 ounces; water, 5 ounces. Let it 
 stand for a week. 
 
 FOR KEEPING THE WARDROBE IN ORDER. 
 
 To CLEAN KID GLOVES. Make a strong lather with 
 curd soap and warm water, in which steep a small piece 
 of new flannel. Place the glove on a flat, clean, and 
 unyielding surface such as the bottom of a dish, and 
 having thoroughly soaped the flannel (when squeezed 
 from the lather), rub the kid till all dirt be removed, 
 cleaning and resoaping the flannel from time to time. 
 Care must be taken to omit no part of the glove, by 
 turning the fingers, &c. The gloves must be dried in 
 the sun, or before a moderate fire, and will present the 
 21 
 
322 LADIES* BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 appearance of old parchment. When quite dry, they 
 must be gradually "pulled out," and will look new. 
 
 ANOTHER. First see that your hands are clean, then 
 put on the gloves and wash them, as though you were 
 washing your hands, in a basin" of spirits of turpentine, 
 until quite clean; then hang them up in a warm place, 
 or where there ia a good current of air, which will carry 
 off all smell of the turpentine. This method was brought 
 from Paris, and thousands of dollars have been made by 
 it. 
 
 To CLEAN COLORED KID GLOVES. Have ready on a 
 table a clean towel, folded three or four times, a saucer 
 of new milk, and another saucer with a piece of brown 
 soap. Take one glove at a time, and spread it 'smoothly 
 on the folded towel. Then dip in the milk a piece of 
 clean flannel, rub it on the soap till you get off a toler- 
 able quantity, and then, with the wet flannel, commence 
 rubbing the glove. Begin at the wrist, and rub length- 
 ways towards the end of the fingers, holding the glove 
 firmly in your right-hand. Continue this process until 
 the glove is well cleaned all over with the niilk and soap. 
 When done, spread them out, and pin them on a line to 
 dry gradually. When nearly dry, pull them out evenly, 
 the crossway of the leather. When quite dry, stretch 
 them on your hands. White kid gloves may also be 
 washed in this manner, provided they have never been 
 cleaned with India-rubber. 
 
 To CLEAN WHITE OR COLORED KID GLOVES. Put 
 the glove on your hand, then take a small piece of flan 
 nel, dip it in camphene, and well, but gently, rub it ovei 
 the glove, taking care not to make it too wet, when th< 
 
RECEIPTS. 323 
 
 4irt is removed, dip tTie flannel (or another piece if that 
 is become too dirty) into pipe-clay and rub it over the 
 glove ; take it off, and hang it up in a room to dry, and 
 in a day or two very little smell will remain ; and if 
 done carefully they will be almost as good as new. In 
 colored ones, if yellow, use gamboge after the pipe-clay. 
 and for other colors match it in dry .paint. 
 
 To CLEAN WHITE KID GLOVES. Stretch the gloves 
 on a clean board, and rub all the soiled or grease-spots 
 with cream of tartar or magnesia. Let them rest an 
 hour. Then have ready a mixture of alum and Fuller's 
 earth (both powdered), and rub it all over the gloves 
 with a brush (a clean tooth-brush or something similar), 
 and let them rest for an hour or two. Then sweep it all 
 off, and go over them with a flannel dipped in a mixture 
 of bran and finely powdered whiting. Let them rest an- 
 other hour ; then brush off the powder, and you will find 
 them clean. 
 
 To CLEAN LIGHT KID GLOVES. Put on one glove, 
 and having made a strong lather with common brown 
 soap, apply it with a shaving brush, wiping it off imme- 
 diately with a clean towel, then blow into the glove, and 
 leave it to dry. 
 
 AN EXCELLENT PASTE FOR GLOVES. Liquor of am- 
 monia half an ounce, chloride of potash ten ounces, curd 
 soap one pound, water half a pint ; dissolve the soap in 
 the water, with a gentle heat,- then as the mixture cools, 
 p,tir in the other ingredients. Use it, by rubbing it eve* 
 the gloves until the dirt is removed. 
 
 To WASH THREAD LAOE. Rip off the lace, carefully 
 pick out the loose bits of thread, and roll the lace vory 
 
824 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 smoothly and securely round a clean black bottle, pre- 
 viously covered with old .white linen, sewed tightly on. 
 Tack each end of the lace with a needle and thread, to 
 keep it smooth ; and be careful in wrapping not to crumple 
 or foil in any of the scallops or pearlings. After it is on 
 the bottle, take some of the best sweet oil, and with a 
 clean sponge wet the lace thoroughly to the inmost folds. 
 Have ready in a wash-kettle, a strong cold lather of clear 
 water and white Castile soap. Fill the bottle with cold 
 water, to prevent its bursting, cork it well, and stand it 
 upright in the suds, with a string round the neck secured 
 to the ears or handle of the kettle, to prevent its knock- 
 ing about and breaking while over the fire. Let it boil 
 in the suds for an hour or more, till the lace is clean and 
 white all through. Drain off the suds, and dry it on the 
 bottle in the sun. When dry, remove the lace from the 
 bottle and roll it round a wide ribbon-block ; or lay it 
 in long folds, place it within a sheet of smooth, white, 
 paper, and press it in a large book for a few days. 
 
 To WASH A WHITE LACE VEIL. Put the -veil into a 
 strong lather of white soap and very clear water, and 
 let it simmer slowly for a quarter of an hour. Take it 
 out and squeeze it well, but be sure not to rub it, Riuse 
 it in two cold waters, with a drop or two of liquid blue 
 in the last. Have ready some very clear and weak gum- 
 arabic water, or some thin starch, or rice-water. Pass 
 the veil through it, and clear it by clapping. Then 
 stretch it out even, and pin it to dry on a linen cloth, 
 making the edge as straight as possible, opening out all 
 the scallops, and fastening each with pins. When dry, 
 
RECEIPTS. 325 
 
 lay a piece of thin muslin smoothly over it, and iron it 
 on tho wrong side. 
 
 To WASH A BLACK LACE VEIL. Mix -hullo ck's gall 
 with sufficient hot water to make it as warm as you can 
 bear your hand in. Then pass the veil through it. It 
 must be squeezed, and not rubbed. It will be well to 
 perfume* the gall with a little musk. Next rinse the veil 
 through two cold waters, tinging the last with indigo. 
 Then dry it. Have ready in a pan some stiffening made, 
 by pouring boiling water on a very small piece of glue. 
 Put the veil into it, squeeze it out, stretch it, and clap 
 it. Afterwards pin 'it out to dry on a linen cloth, mak- 
 ing it very straight and even, and taking care to open 
 and pin the edge very nicely. When dry, iron it on the 
 wrong side, having laid a linen cloth over the ironing- 
 blanket. Any article of black lace may be washed in 
 this manner. 
 
 To CLEAN WHITE SATIN AND FLOWERED SILKS. 1*- 
 Mix sifted stale bread crumbs with powder blue, and rub 
 it thoroughly all over, then shake it well, and dust it 
 with clean, soft cloths. Afterwards, where there are any 
 gold or silver flowers, take a piece of crimson ingrain 
 velvet, rub the flowers with it, which will restore them to 
 their original lustre. 2. Pass them through a solution 
 of fine hard soap, at a hand heat, drawing them through 
 the hand. Rinse in lukewarm water, dry and finish by 
 pinning out. Brush the flossy or bright side with a 
 clean clothes-brush, the way of the nap. Finish them 
 by dipping a sponge into a size, made by boiling isin- 
 glass in water, and rub the wrong side. Rinse out a 
 second time, and brush, and dry near a fire, or in a warm 
 
326 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 room. Silks may be treated in the same way, but not 
 brushed. 
 
 To CLEAN WHITE SILK. Dissolve some of the best 
 curd soap in boiling water, and when the solution is as 
 hot as the hand can bear, pass the silk through it 
 thoroughly, handling it gently, not to injure the texture. 
 If there are any spots, these may be rubbed carefully 
 until, they disappear. The article must then be rinsed 
 in lukewarm water. 
 
 To IRON SILK. Silk cannot be ironed smoothly, so as 
 to press out all the creases, without first sprinkling it 
 with water, and rolling it up tightly in a towel, letting it 
 rest for an hour or two. If the iron is in the least too 
 hot, it will injure the color, and it should first be tried 
 on an old piece of the same silk. 
 
 To WASH SILK. Half a pint of gin. four ounces of 
 soft soap, and two ounces of honey, well shaken ; then 
 *ub the silk, with a sponge (wetted with the above mix- 
 ture), upon a table, and wash through two waters, in 
 which first put two or three spoonfuls of ox gall, which 
 will brighten the colors, and prevent their running. The 
 silks should not be wrung, but well shaken and hung up 
 smoothly to dry, and mangled while damp. The writer 
 has had green silk dresses washed by this receipt, and 
 they have looked as well as new. 
 
 To RENOVATE BLACK SILK. Slice some uncooked 
 potatoes, pour boiling water on them ; when cold sponge 
 the right side of the silk with it, and iron on the wrong. 
 
 To KEEP SILK. Silk articles should not be kept 
 folded in white paper, as the chloride of lime used in 
 bleaching the paper will probably inpair the color of tho 
 
RECEIPTS. 327 
 
 Bilk. Brown or blue paper is better the yellowish 
 smooth India paper is best of all. Silk intended for a 
 dress should not be kept in the house long before it is 
 made up, as lying in the folds will have a tendency to 
 impair its durability by causing it to cut or split, particu- 
 larly if the silk has been thickened by gum. We knew 
 an instance of a very elegant and costly thread-lace veil 
 being found, en its arrival from France, cut into squares 
 (and therefore destroyed) by being folded over a paste- 
 board card. A white satin dress should be pinned up in 
 blue paper, with coarse brown paper outside, sewed to- 
 gether at the edges. 
 
 To RESTORE VELVET. When velvet gets .plushed 
 from pressure, holding the reverse side over a basin of 
 boiling water will raise the pile, and perhaps it may also 
 succeed in the case of wet from rain. 
 
 To IRON VELVET. Having ripped the velvet apart, 
 damp each piece separately, and holding it tightly in 
 both hands, stretch it before the fire, the wrong side of 
 the velvet being towards the fire. This will remove the 
 creases, and give the surface of the material a fresh and 
 new appearance. Velvet cannot be ironed on a table, 
 for, when spread out on a hard substance, the iron will 
 not go smoothly over the pile. 
 
 To CLEAN ERMINE AND MINIVAR FUR. Take a piece 
 of soft flannel, and rub the fur well with it (but remem- 
 ber that the rubbing must be always against the grain) ; 
 then rub the fur with common flour until. clean. Shake 
 it well, and rub again with the flannel till all the flour is 
 out of it. I have had a Minivar boa for four years. It 
 has never been cleaned with anything but flour, and ia 
 
328 LADIES' BOOK or ETIQUETTE. 
 
 not in the least injured by the rubbing. It was a school 
 companion who told me that her aunt (a Russian lady) 
 always cleaned her white furs with flour, and that they 
 looked quite beautiful. It has one advantage the lining 
 does not require to be taken out, and it only requires a 
 little trouble. Ermine takes longer than Minivar. The 
 latter is very easily done. 
 
 To PERFUME LINEN. Rose-leaves dried in the shade, 
 or at about four feet from a stove, one pound ; cloves, 
 carraway-seeds, and allspice, of each one ounce ; pound 
 in a mortar, or grind in a mill ; dried salt, a quarter of 
 a pound ; mix all these together, and put the compound 
 into little bags. 
 
 To RESTORE SCORCHED LINEN. Take two onions, 
 peel and slice them, and extract the juice by squeezing 
 or pounding. Then cut up half an ounce of white soap, 
 and two ounces of fuller's earth ; mix with them the 
 onion juice, and half a pint of vinegar. Boil this com- 
 position w r ell, and spread it, when cool, over the scorched 
 part of the linen, leaving it to dry thereon. Afterwards 
 wash out the linen. 
 
 To WHITEN LINEN THAT HAS TURNED YELLOW. Cut 
 up a pound of fine white soap into a gallon of milk, and 
 hang it over the fire in a wash-kettle. When the soap 
 has entirely melted, put in the linen, and boil it half an 
 hour. Then take it out ; have ready a lather of soap 
 and warm water; wash the linen in it, and then rinse it 
 through two cold waters, with a very little blue in the 
 last. 
 
 To WASH CHINA CRAPE SCARES, &c. If the fabric 
 be good, these articles of dress can be washed as fre- 
 
RECEIPTS. 329 
 
 quently as may be required, and no diminution of their 
 beauty will be discoverable, even when the various shades 
 of green have been employed among other colors in the 
 patterns. . In cleaning them, make a strong lather of 
 boiling water suffer it to cool ; when cold, or nearly s >, 
 wash the scarf quickly and thoroughly, dip it immedi- 
 ately in cold hard water, in which a little salt has been 
 thrown (to preserve the colors), rinse, squeeze, and hang 
 it out to dry in the open air ; pin it at its extreme edge 
 to the line, so that it may not in any part be folded 
 together ; the more rapidly it dries, the clearer it will 
 be. 
 
 To CLEAN EMBROIDERY AND ' GOLD LACE. For this 
 purpose no alkaline liquors are to be used ; for while 
 they clean the gold, they corrode the silk, and change 
 its color. 'Soap also alters the shade, and even the spe- 
 cies of certain colors. But spirit of wine may be used 
 without any danger of its injuring either color or quality; 
 and, in many cases, proves as effectual for restoring the 
 lustre of the gold as the corrosive detergents. But, 
 though spirits of wine is the most innocent material em- 
 ployed for this purpose, it is not in all cases proper. 
 The golden covering may be in some parts worn off; OP 
 the base metal with which it has been alloyed may be 
 corroded by the air, so as to leave the particles of the 
 gold disunited ; while the silver underneath, .tarnished to 
 a yellow hue, may continue a tolerable color to the whole, 
 BO it is apparent that the removal of the tarnish would 
 be prejudicial, and make the lace or embroidery less like 
 gold than it was before. It is necessary that care should 
 be taken. 
 
830 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 > 
 
 To REM JVE STAINS OF WINE OR FRUIT FROM TABLE- 
 LlXEN. A wine stain may sometimes be removed by 
 rubbing it, while wet, with common salt. It is said, also, 
 that sherry wine poured immediately on a place where 
 port wine has been spilled, will prevent its leaving a 
 stain. A certain way of extracting fruit or wine stains 
 from table-linen is to tie up some cream of tartar in tho 
 stained part (so as to form a sort of bag), and then to 
 put the linen into a lather of soap and cold water, and 
 boil it awhile, Then transfer it wet to a lukewarm suds, 
 wash and rinse it well, and dry and iron it. The stains 
 will disappear during the process. Another way, is to 
 mix, in equal quantities, soft soap, slackened lime, and 
 pearl-ash. Rub the stain with this preparation, and ex- 
 pose the linen to the sun with the mixture plastered on 
 it. If necessary, repeat the application. As soon as 
 the.stain has disappeared, wash out the linen immedi- 
 ately, as it will be injured if the mixture is left in it. 
 
 STAIN MIXTURE. Take an ounce of sal-ammoniac 
 (or hartshorn) and an ounce of salt of tartar mix them 
 well, put them into a pint of soft water, and bottle it for 
 use, keeping it very tightly corked. Pour a little of 
 this liquid into a saucer, and wash in it those parts of a 
 white article that have been stained with ink, mildew, 
 fruit, or red wine. When the stains have, by this pro- 
 cess, been removed, wash the article in the usual man- 
 ner. 
 
 CHEMICAL RENOVATING BALLS for taking out grease, 
 paint, pitch, tar, from silks, stuffs, linen, woolen, car- 
 pets, hats, coats, &c., without fading the color or injur- 
 ing the cloth: J ounce of fuller's earth, J ounce of 
 
RECEIPTS. 381 
 
 pipe-clay, 1 ounce salt of tartar, 1 ounce beef gall, 1 
 ounce spirits of wine. Pound the hard parts and mix 
 the ingredients well together. Wet the stain with cold 
 -\rater, rub it well with this ball, then sponge it witli a 
 wet sponge and the stain will disappear. 
 
 To PREVENT COLORED THINGS FROM RUNNING. Boil 
 | pound of soap till nearly dissolved, then add a small 
 piece of alum and boil with it. Wash the things in this 
 lather, but do not soap them. If they require a second 
 water put alum to that also as well as to the rinsing and 
 blue water. This will preserve them. 
 
 To REMOVE STAINS FROM MOURNING DRESSES. Take 
 a good handful of fig-leaves, anoT boil them in two quarts 
 of water until reduced to a pint. Squeeze the leaves 
 and put the liquor into a bottle for use. The articles, 
 whether of bombasin, crape, cloth, &c., need only be 
 rubbed with a sponge dipped in the liquor, when the ef- 
 fect will be instantly produced. If any reason exists to 
 prevent the substance from being wetted, then apply 
 French chalk, w r hich will absorb the grease from the 
 finest texture without injury. 
 
 To SHRINK NEW FLANNEL. New flannel should al- 
 ways be shrunk or washed before it is made up, that it 
 nay be cut out more accurately, and that the grease 
 which is used in manufacturing it may be extracted. 
 First, cut off the list along the selvage edges of the 
 "whole piece. Then put it into warm (not boiling) water, 
 without soap. Begin at one end of the piece, and rub 
 it with both hands till you come to the other end ; this 
 is to get out the grease and the blue with which new 
 white flannel is always tinged. Then do tho same 
 
832 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 through another wat3r. Rinse it through a clean, luke* 
 warm water ; wring it lengthways, and stretch it well 
 In hanging it out on a line do not suspend it in festoons, 
 but spread it along the line straight and lengthways. If 
 dried in festoons, the edges will be in great scollops, 
 making it very difficult to cut out. It must be dried in 
 the sun. When dry let it be stretched even, clapped 
 with the hands, and rolled up tight and smoothly, till 
 wanted. 
 
 GUM ARABIC. STARCH. Get two ounces of fine, white 
 gum arabic, and pound it to powder. Next put it into 
 a pitcher, and pour on it a pint or more of boiling water 
 (according to the degree of strength you desire), and 
 then, having covered it, let it set all night. In the 
 morning, pour it carefully from the dregs into a clean 
 bottle, cork it, and keep it for use. A table-spoonful 
 of gum water stirred into a pint of starch that has been 
 made in the usual manner, will give to lawns (either 
 white or printed) a look of newness to which nothing 
 else can restore them after washing. It is also good 
 (much diluted) for thin white muslin and bobinet. 
 
 To WASH WHITE THREAD GLOVES AND STOCKINGS. 
 These articles are so delicate as to require great care in 
 washing, and they must not on any account be rubbed. 
 Make a lather of white soap and cold water, and put it 
 into a saucepan. Soap the gloves or stockings well, put 
 them in, and set the saucepan over the fire. When they 
 have come to a hard boil, take them off, and when cool 
 enough for your hand, squeeze them in the water. 
 Having prepared a fresh cold lather, boil them again in 
 that. Then take the pac off the fire, and squeeze them 
 
RECEIPTS. 838 
 
 Well again, after which they can be stretched, dried, and 
 then ironed on the wrong side. 
 
 To CLEAN SILK STOCKINGS. First wash the stock- 
 ings in the usual manner, .to take out the rough dirt. 
 After rinsing them in clean water, wash them well in a 
 fresh soap liquor. Then make a third soap liquor, which 
 color with a little stone-blue ; then wash the stockings 
 once more, take them out, wring them, and particularly 
 dry them. Now stove them with brimstone, and draw 
 on a wooden leg two stockings, one upon the other, ob- 
 serving that the two fronts or outsides are face to face. 
 Polish with a glass bottle. The two first liquors should 
 be only lukewarm, but the third as hot as you can bear 
 your hand in. Blondes and gauzes may be whitened in 
 the same manner, but there should be a little gum put in 
 the last liquor before they are stoved. 
 
 To TAKE OUT MILDEW FROM CLOTHES. Mix some 
 soft soap with powdered starch, half as much salt, and 
 the juice of a lemon, lay it on the part with a brush, let 
 it be exposed in the air day and night, until the stain 
 disappears. Iron-moulds may be removed by the salt 
 of lemons. Many stains in linen may be taken out by 
 dipping linen in sour buttermilk, and then drying it in 
 the sun ; afterwards wash it in cold water several times. 
 Stains caused by acids may be removed by tying somo 
 pearlash up m the stained 'part ; scrape some soap in 
 cold, soft water, and boil the linen till the stain is out. 
 
 BLEACHING STRAW. Straw is bleached, and straw 
 bonnets cleaned, by putting them into a cask into 
 which a few brimstone matches are placed lighted. The 
 fumes of the sulphur have the effect of destroying the 
 
834 LADIES' LOOK OF ETIQUETTE, 
 
 color, or whitening the straw. -The same effect maybe 
 produced by dipping the straw into the chloride of lime 
 dissolved in water. 
 
 To WASH MOUSELINE-DE-LAINE. Boil a pound of 
 rice in five quarts of water, and, when cool enough, wash 
 in this, using the rice for soap. Have another quantity 
 ready, but strain the rice from this and use it with warm 
 water, keeping the rice strained off for a third washing 
 which, at the same time, stiffens and also brightens tlu 
 colors. 
 
 To BLEACH A FADED DRESS. Wash the dress in hoi 
 suds, and boil it until the color appears to be gone; then 
 rinse it and dry it in the sun. Should it not be rendered 
 white by these means, lay the dress in the open air, and 
 bleach it for several days. If still not quite white, re- 
 peat the boiling. 
 
 INDELIBLE MARKING INK, WITHOUT PREPARATION. 
 1 J drachms nitrate of silver (lunar caustic), 1 ounce dis- 
 tilled water, j- ounce strong mucilage of gum arabic, J 
 drachm liquid ammonia ; mix the above in a clean glass 
 bottle, cork tightly, and keep in a dark place till dis- 
 solved, and ever afterwards. Directions for use : Shake 
 the bottle, then dip a clean quill pen in the ink, and 
 write or draw what you require on the article ; immedi- 
 ately hold it close to the fire, (without scorching) or pass 
 a hot iron over it, and it will become a deep and indel- 
 ible black, indestructible by either time or acids of any 
 description. 
 
 MIXTURE FOR REMOVING INK STAINS AND IRON- 
 MOULDS. Cream of tartar and salts of sorrel, one 
 ounce each ; mix well, and keep in a stoppered bottle. 
 
RECEIPTS. 835 
 
 To WASH HAIR-BRUSHES. Never use soap. Take a 
 piece of soda, dissolve it in warm water, stand the brush 
 in it, taking care that the water only covers the bristles ; 
 it will almost immediately become white and clean ; 
 stand it to dry in the open air with the bristles down 
 wards, and it will be found to be as firm as a new brush. 
 
 To CLEAN HEAD AND CLOTHES-BRUSHES. Put a 
 tnble-spoonful of pearl-ash into a pint of boiling water. 
 Having fastened a bit of sponge to the end of a stick, 
 dip it into the solution, and wash the brush with it ; 
 carefully going in among the bristles. Next pour over 
 it some clean hot water", and let it lie a little while. 
 Then drain it, wipe it with a cloth, and dry it before the 
 fire. 
 
 Lola Montez in her "Arts of Beauty" gives the fol- 
 lowing receipts for complexion, hair, &c : 
 
 FOR THE COMPLEXION. "Infuse wheat-bran, well 
 sifted, for four hours in white wine vinegar, add to it five 
 yolks of eggs and two grains of ambergris, and distill 
 the whole. It should be carefully corked for twelve or 
 fifteen days, when it will be fit for use. 
 
 " Distill two handfuls of jessamine flowers in a quart 
 of rose-water and a quart of orange-water. Strain 
 through porous paper, and add a scruple of musk and a 
 Bcruple of ambergris." 
 
 To GIVE ELASTICITY OF FORM. 
 
 * Fat of the stag or deer 8 oz. 
 
 Florence oil (or olive oil) * 6 oz. 
 
 Virgin wax 3 oz. 
 
 Musk : 1 grain. 
 
 White brandy * pint 
 
 j-watcr .4 oz. 
 
386 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 " Put the fat, oil, and wax into a well glazed earthen 
 vessel, and let them simmer over a slow fire until they 
 are assimilated ; then pour in the other ingredients, and 
 let the whole gradually cool, when it will be fit for use. 
 There is no doubt but that this mixture, frequently and 
 thoroughly rubbed upon the body on going to bed, will 
 impart a remarkable degree of elasticity to the muscles. 
 In the morning, after this preparation has been used, 
 the body should be thoroughly wiped with a sponge, 
 dampened with cold water." 
 
 FOR THE COMPLEXION. "Take equal parts of the 
 seeds of the melon, pumpkin, gourd, and cucumber, 
 pounded till they are reduced to powder ; add to it feufli- 
 cient fresh cream to dilute the flour, and then add milk 
 enough to reduce the whole to a thin paste. Add a 
 erain of musk, and a few drops of the oil of lemon. 
 Anoint the face with this, leave it on twenty or thirty 
 minutes, or overnight if convenient, and wash off with 
 warm water. It gives a remarkable purity and bright- 
 ness to the complexion. 
 
 " Infuse a handful of well sifted wheat bran for four 
 hours in white wine vinegar ; add to it five yolks of eggs 
 and two grains of musk, and distill the whole. Bottle 
 it, keep carefully corked fifteen days, when it will be fit 
 for use. Apply it over night, and wash in the morning 
 with tepid water." 
 
 TOOTH-POWDER. 
 
 " Prepared chalk 6 oz. 
 
 Cassia powder oz. 
 
 Orris-root 1 01. 
 
RECEIPTS. 337 
 
 " These should be thoroughly mixed and used once a 
 day with a firm brush. 
 
 " A simple mixture of charcoal and cream of tartar is 
 an excellent tooth-powder." 
 
 To WHITEN THE HAND.^" Both Spanish and French 
 women those > at least, who are very particular to mako 
 the most of these charms are in the habit of sleeping 
 in gloves which are lined or plastered over with a kind 
 of pomade to improve the delicacy and complexion of 
 their hands. This paste is generally made of the fol- 
 lowing ingredients : 
 
 " Take half a pound of soft soap, a gill of salad oil, 
 an ounce of mutton tallow, and boil them till they are 
 thoroughly mixed. After the boiling has ceased, but 
 before it is cold, add one gill of spirits of wine, and a 
 grain of musk. 
 
 " If any la'dy wishes to try this, she can buy a pair of 
 gloves three or four sizes larger than the hand, rip them 
 open and spread on a thin layer of the paste, and then 
 sew the gloves up again. There is no doubt that by 
 wearing them every night they will give smoothness and 
 a fine complexion to the hands. Those who have the 
 means, can send to Paris and purchase them ready 
 made. 
 
 " If the hands are inclined to be rough and to chap, 
 the following wash will remedy the evil. 
 
 Lemon-juice 3 oz. 
 
 White wine vinegar 3 oz. 
 
 White brandy '. pint." 
 
 FOR THE HAIR. " Beat up the white of four egga 
 into a froth, and rub that thoroughly in close to the 
 22 
 
888 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 roots of the hair. Leave it to dry on. Then wash the 
 head and hair clean with a mixture of equal parts of rum 
 and rose-water." 
 " HONEY- WATER. 
 
 "Essence of ambergris 1 dr. 
 
 Essence of musk 1 dr. 
 
 Essence of bergamot 2 drs. 
 
 Oil of cloves..* 15 drops. 
 
 Orange-flower water 4 oz. 
 
 Spirits of wine 5 oz. 
 
 Distilled water 4 oz. 
 
 " All these ingredients should be mixed together, and 
 left about fourteen days, then the whole to be filtered 
 through porous paper, and bottled for use. 
 
 " This is a good hair-wash and an excellent perfume." 
 " To REMOVE PIMPLES. There are many kinds of 
 pimples, some of which partake almost of the nature of 
 ulcers, which require medical treatment ; but the small 
 red pimple, which is most common, may be removed by 
 applying the following twice a-day : 
 
 " Sulphur water 1 oz. 
 
 Acetated liquor of ammonia J oz. 
 
 Liquor of potassa 1 gr. 
 
 White wine vinegar 2 oz. 
 
 Distilled water 2 oz/' 
 
 "To REMOVE BLACK SPECKS on 'FLESIHVORMS.' 
 Sometimes little black specks appear about the base of 
 the nose, or on the forehead, or in the hollow of the chin 
 which ar^ called 'fleshworms,' and are occasioned by co- 
 agulated lymph that obstructs the pores of the skin. 
 

 RECEIPTS. 339 
 
 They may be squeezed out by pressing the skin, and ig- 
 norant persons suppose them to be little worms. They 
 are permanently removed by washing with warm water, 
 and severe friction with a towel, and then applying a lit- 
 tle of the following preparation : 
 
 "Liquor of potassa .-.....! oz. 
 
 Cologne 2 oz. 
 
 White brandy 4 oz. 
 
 " The warm water and friction alone are sometimes 
 sufficient." 
 
 " To REMOVE FRECKLES. The most celebrated com- 
 pound ever used for the removal of freckies was called 
 Unction de Maintenon, after the celebrated Madame de 
 Maintenon, mistress and wife of Louis XIY. It is made 
 as follows : 
 
 "Venice soap 1 oz. 
 
 Lemon-juice oz. 
 
 Oil of bitter almonds J oz. 
 
 Deliquidated oil of tartar i oz. 
 
 Oil of rhodium 3 drops 
 
 " First dissolve the soap in the lemon-juice, then add 
 the two oils, and place the whole in the sun till it ac- 
 quires the consistence of ointment, and then add the oil 
 of rhodium. Anoint the freckly face at night with thi& 
 unction, and wash in the morning with pure water, or, 
 if convenient, with a mixture of elder-flower and rose- 
 water. 
 
 " To REMOVE TAN. An excellent wash to remove 
 tan is called Creme de 1'Enclos, and is made thus : 
 
840 LADIES' BOOK OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 " New milk I pint, 
 
 Lemon-juice... v i oz. 
 
 White brandy * & oz. 
 
 " Boil the TV hole, and skim it clear from all scum. 
 Use it night and morning. 
 
 " A famous preparation with the Spanish ladies for re- 
 moving the effects of the sun and making the complexion 
 bright, is composed simply of equal parts of lemon-juice 
 and the white of eggs. The whole is beat together in a 
 varnished earthen pot, and set over a slow fire, and 
 stirred with a wooden spoon till it acquired the consist- 
 ence of soft pomatum. * This compound is called Pom- 
 made de Seville. If the face is well washed with rice- 
 water before it is applied, it will remove freckles, and 
 give a fine lustre to the complexion." 
 
RULES OF CONDUCT. 
 
 Never deceive. 
 
 Never exaggerate. 
 
 Never point at another. 
 
 Never betray a confidence. 
 
 Never wantonly frighten others. 
 
 Never leave home with unkind 
 words. 
 
 Never laugh at the misfortune of 
 others. 
 
 Never give a promise that you do not 
 fulfill. 
 
 Never neglect to call upon your 
 friends. 
 
 Never send a present home for one 
 in return. 
 
 Never fail to be punctual at the time 
 appointed. 
 
 Never speak much of "your own per- 
 formances. 
 
 Never fail to give a polite answer to 
 a civil question. 
 
 Never make yourself the hero of 
 your own story. 
 
 Never pick the teeth or clean the 
 nails in company. 
 
 Never present a gift saying that is of 
 no iise to yourself. 
 
 Never question a servant or child 
 about family matters. 
 
 Never read letters which you may 
 find addressed to others. 
 
 Never fail, if a gentleman, of being 
 civil and polite to ladies. 
 
 Never call attention to the features 
 or form of any one present. 
 
 Never refer to a gift you have made, 
 or favor you have rendered. 
 
 Never associate with bad company. 
 Have good company or none. 
 
 Never look over I/he shoulder of an- 
 other who is reading or writing. 
 
 Never appear to notice a scar, defor- 
 mity or defect of any one present. 
 
 Never punish your child for a fault 
 to which you are adicted yourself. 
 
 Never answer questions in general 
 company that have been put to others. 
 
 Never exhibit anger, impatience or 
 excitement when an accident happens. 
 
 Never attempt to draw the attention 
 of the company constantly upon your- 
 self. 
 
 Never arrest the attention of an ! 
 acquaintance by a touch. Speak to i 
 him. 
 
 Never call a new acquaintance by 
 the Christian name unless requested to 
 do so. 
 
 Never forget that if you are faithful 
 in a few things, you may be ruled over 
 many. 
 
 Never will a gentleman allude to con- 
 quests which he may have made with 
 ladies. 
 
 Never exhibit too great familiarity 
 with new acquaintances; you may give 
 offense. 
 
 Never pass between two persons 
 who are talking together, without an 
 apology. 
 
 Never, when traveling abroad, be 
 over boastful in praise of your own 
 country. 
 
 Never enter a room noisily; never 
 fail to close the door after you, and 
 never slam it. 
 
 Never be guilty of the contemptible 
 meanness of opening a private letter 
 addressed to another. 
 
 Never fail to offer the easiest and 
 best seat in the room to an invalid, an 
 elderly person or a lady. 
 
 Never send your guest, who is accus- 
 tomed to a warm room, off into a cold, 
 damp, spare bed to sleep. 
 
 Never neglect to perform the com- 
 mission which the friend entrusted to 
 you. You must not forget. 
 
 Never accept favors or hospitalities 
 without rendering an exchange of civil- 
 ities when opportunity offers. 
 
 Never fail to tell the truth. If truth- 
 ful, you get your reward. You will get 
 your punishment if you deceive. 
 
 Never cross the leg and put out one 
 foot in a street car, or places where it 
 will trouble others in passing by. 
 
 Never enter a room filled with peo- 
 ple, without a slight bow to the gen- 
 eral company when first entering. 
 
 Never fail to answer au invitation, 
 either personally or by letter, within a 
 week after the invitation is received. 
 
n 
 
 I