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 THE 
 
 LADIES MONITOR, 
 
 A POEM, 
 
 EY THOMAS G. FE55ESDEN. 
 
 What's female beauty but an air diviae, 
 Through -which the mind's all-gentle graces shine, 
 
 Young, 
 
 BELLOWS FALLS, VT, 
 
 PRINTED BY BILL BLAKE & CO. 
 
 1818.
 
 District of Vermont, to vsit : 
 
 BE IT REMEMBERED, That on the third 
 day of June, in the forty-second year of the 
 (Seal.) Independence of the United Slates of Amer 
 ica, Thomas G. Fessenden, of the said Dis 
 trict, hath. deposited in this office the title oi' 
 
 a book, the right whereof he claims as author, in the words 
 
 following, to wit : 
 
 " The Ladies Monitor : a poem, by Tomas G. 
 Fessenden. 
 
 " What's female beauty but an air divine, 
 
 44 Through which the minds all-gentle graces shine. 
 
 Young. 1 ' 
 
 In conformity to the act of Congress of the United States 
 entitled, " An act for the encouragement of learning, by 
 securing the Copies of Maps, Charts, and Books to the au- 
 thors and proprietors of such copies during the terms there 
 in mentioned." 
 
 JESSE GOVE, 
 
 Clerk of the District of Vermont, 
 A true copy of record, 
 
 Examined and seuled by me, 
 
 GOVE, Ckrk.
 
 PS 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 THE principal topics of the following poem 
 have cxprciy;l the ingenuity, and employed the 
 pens of many able European writers, for more than 
 r.vo centuries past. But they do not appear to 
 have obtained that degree of consideration in tho 
 American Commonwealth of Letters, which is 
 claimed by their paramount importance to the wel 
 fare of every well regulated community. This is 
 the more to be regretted when we reject on the 
 og important and undeniable truths. 
 
 1. The existence of a republican form of goy- 
 rrnment depends on the knowledge and virtue of 
 the great mass of the people, who are the sources 
 of power., and the guardians of pubiiek liberty. 
 
 2. Women are the earliest instructors of youth 
 and communicate in infancy those mental impress. 
 ions which generally form the character and decide 
 the destiny of the rising- 
 
 385 

 
 IV 
 
 '.->. Tho influence of trie sexes is indeed recipre- 
 cal, but that of women in a state of society which 
 has arrived to a considerable degree of refinement 
 is nmst powerful.* In their stations and capacities 
 as friends,' companion?, mistresses, wives, and 
 mothers, they mould the mind, form the manner?, 
 prescribe the custom?, and invent or patronize the 
 fashions which pervade and actuate the mass cf 
 civilized communities. 
 
 4. The station*, privilege?, intellectual acquisi 
 tions, education, and advantages for mental im 
 provement which women enjoy in any conn try, 
 inark with the greatest precision the point in the 
 scale of civil society to which the people of such 
 country have arrived. 
 
 5. So great i= (he power of woman in ameliorat 
 ing the characters of men, that (he most direct 
 mode to improve tho species is an attempt to rai 4 ^ 
 the character and coadition of the sex. 
 
 These truth? and the practical inferences which 
 result from them appear to have been fully appre 
 ciated by European moralists. A useful work was 
 published in Philadelphia in 1803, which consists, 
 principally, of selections from more than seventy 
 volumes, written in English, French and German ; 
 and the editor has given a list of about fifty difler- 
 
 * " Women compose half the world, and are by 
 the just complaisance and gallantry of our nation, 
 the most powerful part of our people." Spectator 
 No. 4. See likewise the speech of Zorootbel, A- 
 pocrypha chap. iv,*,
 
 ont European authors, whose works enter more or 
 less into his compilation. The whole is occasion 
 ally interspersed with judicious observations by the 
 editor, (whose name is not affixed) and given to 
 the world in two volumes, 8 vo. with the title of 
 " The Parent's Friend." A large proportion of this 
 work consists of extracts from authors, who have 
 written on the education of Females. This collec 
 tion has been very useful to the writer of this work 
 as a common-place book from whence he has derived 
 many hints,and ideas for the improvement of his own 
 production. Valuable treatises upon the same or 
 similar subjects have likewise been published since 
 the date of the li Parent's Friend," of which the 
 author has availed himself, and he has also derived 
 assistance from the Tattler, Spectator, Rambler, 
 and other British classicks, as well as from poetical 
 essays, such as Cowpers 'Tirocinium,' West's Poem 
 on Education, Miss Aikin's poem on the " Charac 
 ter and Condition of Women," &c. &c. 
 
 It will no doubt be deemed presumptuous in the 
 author of this little volume' to employ his pen on 
 subjects which hare been canvassed by so many 
 able writers. But there are reasons which furnish 
 at least a plausible apology, if they do not altogeth 
 er acquit him of temerity in the attempt. Few- 
 parents or teachers can afford to purchase the books 
 from which he has adduced most of the materials 
 for his work ; and fewer still would be able to form 
 anything like a regular system from such a multi 
 tude of theories. Besides, many of the rules and 
 maxims of the writers alluded to are not applicable 
 to the state of society in the United States, without 
 considerable modification, They appear to be cal- 
 1 *
 
 VI 
 
 diluted mostly for the extremes, (either the highei 
 or lower grades) of European society. It was sup 
 posed, therefore, that a sort of compendium of 
 their most useful rules and remarks, interwoven 
 with others of an original cast, might he an accept 
 able offering i-o the American publick might sug 
 gest kleas which may perhaps he new to some of 
 our readers, and by presenting well known and 
 established truths in a novel point of view might 
 lit them for making the more deep and durable im 
 pression. 
 
 The author Las chosen verse as the vehicle of 
 his sentiment 6 , because he believed he could convey 
 them with more force and precision in verse than 
 in prose. He likewise flattered himself that the 
 precepts contained in a poem would be more apt to 
 attract attention, and be better retained in memory 
 than if they were couched in a prosaic essay of 
 equal merit. JVo one acquainted with the subject 
 can hesitate to believe that such productions as 
 " Pope's Essay on Man," " Essay on Criticism," and 
 'Armstrong's art of preserving Health,'' have been 
 more widely diffused, more generally read, and pro 
 duced a greater effect on the publick mind than if 
 the sentiments they contain had been communicated 
 in prose, and enforced with all the eloquence of a 
 Cicero or a Chatham. 
 
 That part of this work which treats on Female 
 Education, has been elaborated with no small de 
 gree of care and diligence, but with what success 
 is not for the author to say. The difficulties which 
 impeded his progress frequently reminded him of 
 the poet, who says
 
 vu 
 
 u 'Tis hard in suoh a strife of rules to choose 
 The best, and those of most extensive use, 
 Harder iu clear and animated song 
 Dry philosophic precepts to convey."* 
 
 It will be obvious to the discerning reader thai 
 many of the maxims and rules laid down in the lat 
 ter part of the poem for the education of female 
 children apply with equal force t those of the 
 other sex. As the sentiments of the more worthy 
 and enlightened part of mankind differ materially 
 relative to some of the subjects there discussed, 
 particularly respecting cards, dancing, severity of 
 discipline in schools, publick and private education, 
 &c. the author has generally endeavoured to add 
 to his own opinion the sanction of writers of ac 
 knowledged eminence. After al!, he neither ex 
 pects nor wishes that parents or teachers should 
 adopt opinions expressed in this work without ex 
 amination, nor be influeced by the authorities, 
 which he has adduced to counteract the decisions 
 of their own judgment and experience. It is hoped 
 that the sentiments he has conveyed may deter 
 mine the will by enlightening the understanding, 
 but not array the former in opposition to the latter, 
 
 It will, perhaps, be alledged that the females of the 
 present day do not deserve some of the strictures 
 in this work, especially those relative to the lack 
 of due decorum in dress, as it is now the fashion 
 for the ladies of the ton to be at least decently at 
 tired. It must, however, be acknowledged that 
 
 *&rmstrong l a Art of Preserving Health.
 
 the fashionable fair have, heretofore, not been alto 
 gether as correct as could have been wished with 
 respect to the too liberal display of their charms. 
 And though the " stripping mania" may not at pre 
 sent prevail, yet the annals of fashion serve to shew 
 that it is a disorder with which some of the sex have 
 been affected ; and perhaps the administering of 
 moral medicines, during the present lucid interval 
 may prevent the recurrence of the disease. In the 
 mean time those of our fair readers, who actually 
 do not make the exhibitions complained of will 
 please to consider themselves as not coming within 
 the sphere of the author's animadversions on that 
 subject ; and as they cannot possibly be wounded 
 by the shafts of his satire, it is hoped that they will 
 not be offended with the twang of his bow. 
 
 The author is apprehensive that plagiarism will 
 be numbered among his violations of the code of 
 criticitm, 
 
 " Write what we will our works bespeak U5 
 
 Imitatores, tervum pccus.* 
 
 The proverb atill sticks closely by us 
 
 Nil dictum quodnon dictum pri^s A 
 
 The only comfort that I know 
 
 Is, that 'twas said an age ago, 
 
 Ere Milton soar 'd in thought sublime, 
 
 Ere Pepe refined the chink of rhyme. "J 
 
 * A servile herd of imitators. 
 
 t There is nothing said, which has not been said before. 
 
 J Lloyd.
 
 To such allegations the author replies that utility 
 rather than originality has been his object. He has 
 not willingly made use of tha phrases of others 
 without marks of quotation, or other references. 
 But novelty of diction and arrangement has been 
 all that he has in general attempted. To assert 
 that it would be possible to vyrite a work of any 
 length, containing altogether new ideas, on topics 
 which have been discussed by a great number of 
 writers, would be to accuse those writers of negli 
 gence or incapacity in having tut partially explored 
 the provinces they undertook to survey. The 
 author i.-itfiided to give t; line upon line," to exhibit 
 monitory reflection^, which, though somewhat trite, 
 by being placed in a novel point of view might pro 
 duce a new and beneficial effect. And it has been 
 part of his profassed object to give a version of the 
 sentiments of able writers who have preceded him 
 in treating oa the duties, influence, powers, capaci 
 ties, an] education of females. 
 
 It may likewise be urged against the author that 
 his style is not always sufficiently elevated tabe 
 pronounced poetry. But postry of no kind can be 
 uniformly towering. There can be no hills with 
 out vallies, and in didactic poetry, especially if it 
 tie thrown into the form of dialogue, we have the 
 example of the highest authorities for stooping to 
 the familiar, sporting in the burlesque, or assuming 
 the ludicrous, but pompous port of the mock-heroic, 
 If a poet is always attempting to be sublime, he can 
 hardly fail to lose sight of perspicuity, and is apt to 
 soar above the regions of common sense. Such a 
 poet will be more apt to be admired than under 
 stood, and though he may by some be theoght a
 
 brilliant, will never prove a useful writer. Rather 
 than aim at distinction in that style the author would 
 adopt the apology of Dryden, with which be clo- 
 ECS one of his versified essays, 
 
 " Thus have I made my own opinions clear, 
 Yet neither praise expect, nor censure fear, 
 And this unpolished rugged verse I chose, 
 As fittest for discourse, and nearest prose. "" 
 
 To those crilicks who would examine this work 
 with a microscopic eye, for the sole purpose of spy 
 ing faults, the author would recommend the follow 
 ing sentiment?, which mar be foufid (in substance) 
 ia Johnson's life of Dryden. 
 
 " It is not by comparing lii:e with line that the 
 merit of a work is to be estimated, but by its gen 
 eral effect and ultimate result. It is easy to rote a 
 weak line and to write one more vigorous in its 
 place, but what is given to the parts may be sub 
 ducted from the whole, and the reader may be 
 weary though the critick may commend." 
 
 If the publick should be cf opinion that the fol 
 lowing verses are useful, and they should not be 
 altogether condemned by the sex to whose service 
 they are principally devoted, the author will not 
 be greatly troubled in spirit, if those who would be 
 witty or wise at his expense, should declare that 
 nothing but the tintinabulum of his rhyme saves 
 his verse from being as arrant prose as ever was 
 written by the most arid commentator on an obscure 
 latin author. Whatever may be the merits of the
 
 performance, k emanated from pure motives, an 
 honest wish to uphold and strengthen the bands of 
 civilized society, and promote the best interests not 
 only of the fair sex, but of both sexes, and of all 
 classes and conditions in the community.
 
 THE 
 
 LADIES MONITOR 
 
 M.ENTOR. 
 
 LADY, behold the King of Day arise, 
 And march majestick up the buroish'd skies ! 
 The forest glitters in his golden gleams, 
 The hill-tope blaze beneath his brightest beams- 
 
 >*AUCISSA. 
 
 See now he flings from heaven's sublimesi height 
 The headlong day in silver seas of light ! 
 The crystal currents round tfc' horizon rolh 
 
 And flpods of radiance stresm-&om pole to pole. 
 
 g
 
 H 
 
 Horron. 
 
 W hile hill and dale and inoss-clad mountain ring 
 With joy-inspiring symphonies of spring, 
 The chirping choir, and glittering grove invite 
 To taste the pure and exqui'site delight, 
 An early ramble in the country yields 
 *)'er velvet lawns, and flower-enamell'd field*. 
 
 NARCIS9A. 
 
 Those poplar leaves, like parasols display'd, 
 Seem beckoning us beneath their friendly shade, 
 Yon prostrate trunk will furnish us a seat, 
 That spear-grass spread a carpet for our feet. 
 There let us sit, and spend an hour at ease, 
 Fann'd_by the fragrance of the balmy breeze, 
 "While you perform the promise you have pledg'd, 
 That ere the robin's callow young are fledg'd, 
 You would disclose your tenets as respects 
 The Powers, and Duties of the Female Sex.; 
 Set forth their Influence, how it should be us'd, 
 Or heaven's best gift to mortals be abus'd, 
 And, in some hints of general application, 
 The subject sketch of Female Education.
 
 IS 
 
 41ENTOR. 
 
 If we believe what has been said or sung 
 fcy Dryden, Swift, Pope, Addisen, and Young 1 , 
 Bj many a wit, by hatf-wits many a score, 
 From luscious Ovid, to licentious Moore, 
 A harder task, fair lady, you've assigned 
 Than his, who thought to trace the viewless wind, 
 And give us charts and definitions clear 
 Of every current in the atmosphere, 
 From lightest zephyr, that with noiseless creep, 
 Scarce the smooth surface dimples of the deep, 
 To rash tornado, that resistless flings 
 Dire desolation from his raven wings. (1) 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 True, if we credit what they say or slog 1 , 
 It would be more a practicable thing 
 To trace a humming-bird from spray to epray, 
 And note her wanderings through the month of 
 Than well describe the leading mental features 
 Of such a race of fluctuating creature?. 
 Nay, some sarcastic, scribbling sons of spite
 
 16 
 
 Denounce us all as demi-devils quite, 
 
 So- obstinate, that if a hand divine 
 
 Should paint ia sun-beams each important line 
 
 Of duty's path, ite characters display 
 
 Afore broad and brilliant than the milky war. 
 
 One might as well affect to ape the god. 
 
 And shake creation wi^h Olympic nod, 
 
 As to confine the ever-erring sex, 
 
 By duty's limits, or by reason's check? 
 
 MESTOR. 
 
 Most of those wits, and would-be nits appeal* 
 Sometimes wrong-headed, sometimes too severe 
 Their writ-ings shew, in many a snarling line 
 The Cynic grafted on ihe.Iibertine; 
 But few can trace with touches, nice and bland-, 
 Your moral features with a master's band ; 
 The vulgar herd of painters will be sure 
 To daub with flattery or caricature ; 
 They draw some monster, with mistaken aim, 
 Then give the prodigy a woman's name '
 
 17 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 By long experience having learuj the art 
 To trace the labyrinth of the human heart, 
 You, I am told, a better humourM sage, 
 Can better sketch the follies of the age, 
 Each subterfuge of artifice detect, 
 Our virtues strengthen, and our faults correct-^- 
 An enemy to vices, which disgrace, 
 But ever friendly to the human race, 
 You have the power to chasten those who trip 
 Without the aid of satire's scorpion whip. 
 Of such rare talents be no more a miser, 
 Become our sex's patron and adviser, 
 And make, to benefit the rising race, 
 " The path of duty plain before our face." 
 
 MESTO&. 
 
 Lady, you urge me on a vain career, 
 Above my limits, and beyond my sphere, 
 Still, what I can, with pleasure I impart, 
 The honest dictates of friendly heart, 
 
 2
 
 IS 
 
 : Plain sense and truth, and surely these are miue : 
 Shall check my wanderings, and my flights confine.' 
 
 The fairer sex possess resis^ess powers. 
 Which may be bent to meliorating our?. 
 Or beauty's matchless fascinations may, 
 As erst in Eve, lead crriug- man astray. 
 You reign supreme, and at your option ca 
 man a bru&e, or make a God of man. 
 
 Urg'd by the mandate of the Queen of Hearts, 
 See woman's puppets personate their parts ! 
 Now play the coward, now enact the hero, 
 The clement Titus, or the cruel Nero ! 
 The wisest sage she makes the imp of folly, 
 >lirth metamorphoses to melancholy ; 
 And now she smooths the wrinkled bro^v cf care, 
 With rapture thrills the bosom of despair. 
 Love, charity, and pity aro the blest 
 Celestial inmates of the female breast ; 
 The drear abodes of poverty she seeks, 
 And wipes the tear from misery's p&llid cheeks,
 
 19 
 
 The way-worn trareller, shelterless, distrest,. 
 
 With gentle woman is a welcome guest. 
 
 Thus when our Ledyard wander'd faint and weary 
 
 O'er desarts, dismal, desolate and dreary, 
 
 No kind companion cheer'd his lonely way, 
 
 Man was as savage .as the beasts of pre}^, 
 
 But woman's care his every want supplied, 
 
 By woman's tenderness his every tear was dried. (2) 
 
 80 when in France the madness of Ike times 
 Made the whole land a theatre of crimes, 
 When seas of blood by human fiends were spilt, 
 And all was terror, cruelty, and guilt, 
 Woman remain'd, fond, faithful, and serene, 
 To mitigate the horrors of the scene, 
 Shar'd every grief, bound every broken heart, 
 And play'd a Howard's, or an angel's part.(3) 
 
 In Spain, what valour, patriotism pure 
 Prompted the sex to dare, and to endure, 
 Let Saragossa's crimson annals say, 
 
 faithful history's deathless page pourtray.(4)
 
 20 
 
 The God of Nature to your sex impart 
 The power to melt the most ferocious hearts, 
 When woman pleads, as mercy's advocate, 
 Stern cruelty, revenge, and steadfast hate 
 Are soften'd into tenderness and love, 
 And Ate's serpent chang'd to pity's dove. 
 Thus when the Roman, and the Sabine hands 
 Spread desolation o'er Italia's lands, 
 When fell revenge, and brute defiance stood, 
 Ready to plunge in seas of kindred blood, 
 When ruthless rage, which dar'd e'en heav'n defy, 
 Nerv'd every arm, and flam'd in every eye, 
 Woman appear'd, and bade the tempest cease, 
 She smil'd, and all was harmony and peace. (5) 
 Stern Coriolanus, to revenge the doom 
 Pronounc'd against him by ungrateful Rome, 
 Led hostile bands of Volsci to her wall, 
 Her towers already nodded to tLeir fall, 
 But woman pleaded, with an angel's tongue. 
 To her embrace the ardent warrior
 
 21 
 
 Then hash'dthe hurricane of war's alarms, 
 
 And Rome, once more, was sav'dby female charm*. 
 
 My Paetus, 'tis not painful, Arria said, 
 As from her breast she tore the reeking blade, 
 This dagger's point can never injure me, 
 But by the wound it will inflict on thee. 
 
 AH ages, nations, boast of annals stor'd, 
 With bright examples, which your sex afford 
 Of all the virtues, graces, talents jodn'd 
 With all that blesses and adorns mankind. 
 
 To woman's charms that passion owes its birfcfa 
 Which may be styl'd heaven's harbinger en earth. 
 *The source of holy matrimonial ties, 
 W T hich wisdom sanctions, and God sanctifies ; 
 Man's sweetest solace in this vale of strife, 
 The purest cordial in the cup of life ; 
 The prototype of brighter bliss above, 
 In hallow'd raptures of immortal love, 
 That bliss ecstatic of th' ethereal race,
 
 22 
 
 Which e'en a Milton's bold attempts to trace 
 Have merely shewn to Adam's grovelling tribe, 
 Immortal joys no mortal can describe.(7) 
 
 JJARCISSA. 
 
 Now elevate your lofty lays still higher, 
 And borrow Campbell's Caledonian lyre, 
 Then, while you wake to ecstacy its string-?, 
 Steal inspiration from the bard, who sings, 
 ^ Without the smile from partial beauty won, 
 " O what were man, a world without a sun !" 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 But ere your sex are fairly deified, 
 Turn we to view our picture's darker side , 
 Beauty deprav'd, becomes a baleful sprite, 
 A demon, flaunting in a robe of light. 
 Beauty commands, the assassin draws his dirk, 
 And midnight murder crowns her horrid work. 
 Her Syren charms, like necromantic spell, 
 Urge the fell conqueror to the deeds of hell, 
 Her lily hands dig many a nation's grave,
 
 S3 
 
 For she rewards and stimulates the brave j 
 She bids an Ilion or Persepolis burn,(8) 
 And cruel wars vast empires overturn 
 Thrones and dominions wait on her decree, 
 Th' infernal gates obey her potent key, 
 Courage and strength her sorceries to resist, 
 Powerless and fleeting as the morning misi, 
 Serve but to gild the trophies of disgrace, 
 Like Sampson in a courtezan's embrace. 
 
 See Anthony, 'twixt Jove and honour tost, 
 To gain a woman think a world well lost (9) 
 See Israel's king from virtue's path allur'd, 
 His kingdom rent, his father^ God abjur'd, 
 A sad example to the world display 
 Of wisdom bow'd to meretricious sway 
 See cruel Herod bid the Baptist bleed, 
 While woman prompts the execrable deed. 
 In modern times, see many a Millwood fair, 
 For many a Barnwell spread the fatal snare, 
 And those who would your sex with angels rate 
 Must own thateome have lost their " high estate/
 
 24* 
 
 As arbiter oT fashion and propriety, 
 Woman gives tone to civiliz'd society, 
 Passports presents to wealth, and fame and powef, 
 Or dooms to misery's all-enduring hour, 
 As fickle fancy dictates these or those, 
 Who chance to be her favourites or her foes. 
 
 Oft have I seen, and shudder'd oft to see. 
 The smile of beauty bless the debauchee 
 A hair-brain'd, heartless, hcav'n-abandon'd rake. 
 Whose vile vocation is the heart to break, 
 And humble female beauty to the-dust 
 That puts in him her violated trust 
 Who has with pangs ineffable distress ? d 
 Full many a husband's, many a father's breas' 
 A sort of walking, moral pestilence, 
 Who poisons youth, and murders innocence, * 
 Seals temporal misery with damnation's doom, 
 And vice's trophy builds on beauty's tomb, 
 By fashion honor'd, and by beauty priz'd, 
 E'en by his wretched victim idoliz'd
 
 25' 
 
 O can it be the bard made o mistake, 
 Who said each woman is at heart a rake, 
 That such vile characters too often are 
 The favorites of our fashionable fair ? 
 Such folly beggars measure and description, 
 'Twee better, like the beautiful Egyptian, 
 If self destruction be in such request, 
 To hug the deadly aspick to your breast. 
 
 Some of those cavaliers th eir arts employ 
 The founts to poison of domestic joy, 
 Adulterers by your vulgar people call'd, 
 But Knights of Fashion, by th' Arch-Fiend install'd? 
 Not wrongs to right, not injuries to redress, 
 Not for relieving damsels in distress, 
 But dubb'd by Beelzebub, in dark divan, 
 The se* to injure more than devils can. 
 
 See the poor wantons, that our streets anney. 
 While with the smirk of counterfeited joy, 
 And sickly leer, they greet each passing youth ; 
 
 Their breasts are torn by misery's sharpest tooth, 
 3
 
 26 
 
 Forever haunted, as they roam forlorn, 
 By blasting infamy, and hissing scorn ! 
 Of human destinies, theirs is the worst, 
 The primal murderer less supremely curst 
 Yet these were once pre-eminently blest, 
 Of beauty, friends, and innocence possest, 
 In evil hour the bland seducer came, 
 And fir'd their bosoms with a lawless flame ; 
 Robb'd them of honour, and of peace, a prize 
 To lubrick arts, and well dissembled lies : 
 One guilty moment of forbidden joys, 
 All hope of future happiness destroys ; 
 For like the angels laps'd, from native skies, 
 Woman once fal'n again can never rise, 
 Her only solace must be found in heaven, 
 On earth her fault will never be forgiven.(lO) 
 
 Such matchless misery is the direful work. 
 Of whom, some savage Algerine or Turk ? 
 O no, but men of fashion, such as those 
 Fine ladies number with their favourite beaux, 
 Ladies, forsooth 1 who flutter round a rake,
 
 27 
 
 Like fascinated birds about a snake, 
 Until, at length, the wily reptile draws 
 The silly things to saturate its jaws ! 
 O that some friendly monitor severe 
 These truths would thunder in each tho'tless ear ^ 
 Tell me no more of vile Platonic schemes, 
 Dispel those vapid, but pernicious dreams, 
 Of friendship female innocence may make 
 With every vile contaminating rake ! 
 Think not to scape from infamy exempt, 
 While you those tempters undertake to tempt. 
 As well might lambs and wolves ki herds combine, 
 Or the neat ermine congregate with swine. 
 Is that important truth to you unknown, 
 By cherish'd friendship characters are shewn ? 
 Let us suppose, my most audacious miss, 
 That you escape from infamy's abyss, 
 Your conduct is an outrage on propriety, 
 And undermines the pillars of society. 
 If females, moving in the highest sphere, 
 Thus careless of appearances appear, 
 Those who are destin'd to a lower state
 
 8 
 
 (The worst examples sure to emulate) 
 Will come as near as possibly they can 
 The dashing belles, who shine in- fashion's van. 
 
 NARCISSI. 
 
 But wild young gentlemen, when once reclaim'^ 
 For tender husbands have been ever fam'd, 
 Their aberrations indicate their spirit, 
 Are trifling drawbacks on their general merit, 
 That ardor,which leads generous youth astray, 
 And holds their better qualities at bay, 
 When melted down to conjugal affection 
 Will serve to bless and sweeten the connection. 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 Full many a aovel readers fascy teems, 
 With these, and other most pernicious dreams, 
 Visions as well adapted to deceive 
 As Satan's whispers to backsliding ETC. 
 Granting you could effect a reformation, 
 In one inur'd to vice and dissipation, 
 One who has either feign" J or felt a flaise
 
 29 
 
 For every fair that fashion's annals name, 
 Secure a heart your mutual bliss to crown 
 Which has, for years, been hawk'd about the 
 What do you gain by your judicious plan ? 
 A feeble wretch, a shadow of a man ! 
 Your batter'd beau, the favourite of each toast ; 
 You wed a husband, but embrace a ghost, 
 Are self condemn'd to torture of the kind, 
 Where dead with living, wet e together join'd, 
 In loathsome union, which the poet mentions 
 Amoag a tyrant's horrible inventions, 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 A very gross caricature you make 
 Of your vile super-annuated rake, 
 And doubtless weuld his budding laurels crop 
 From that fine animal some style a fop, 
 And pleasant folk, we meet with now and then, 
 By spiteful people christen'd " ladies' men." 
 Though true it is, they cannot claim a place 
 Among the noblest of the human race, 
 
 Will never figure in th* historic page, 
 3 *
 
 30 
 
 Ne 1 er play the hero, nor enact the sage, 
 Still if a toast should feel herself inclin'd 
 To keep a brilliant bevy of the kind, 
 A vapid race, like Pope's aerial fencibles,(ll) 
 But still as ireful as our indiipensables, 
 Why aeed your authors bastinade the things, 
 Who dangle in a lady's leading strings, 
 Whom we allow to caper and to prate, 
 But with our monkey, and our parrot ra^te ? 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 Though, possibly ,you may at heart despise them y 
 And merely but a? pretty playthings prize them, 
 Still, in the world's and their own estimation, 
 They have the sanction of your approbation, 
 You set your stamp on counterfeited trash, 
 And make it circulate as current cash ; 
 Though men of sense despise the paltry pack, 
 And turn a deaf ear to their ceaseless clack, 
 The fools may prosper, with the world's majority,, 
 By dint of fashion, and of your authority. 
 But if your sex upon a par would prize.
 
 Hake, fools and fops, wolves, geese and butterflies* 
 The former creatures would, in just gradation, 
 Below the latter take their proper station, 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 "Tis not an object, sir, of my ambition 
 To join in this most curious coalition ; 
 Nor will I sanction any stupid plan 
 T' annihilate your pretty woman's man, 
 And substitute your hum-drum man of sense., 
 To gallantry without the least pretence. 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 These my monitions, lady, are directed 
 To make you happy, innocent, respected ; 
 When I behold your trifling lures, design'd 
 To catch the plaudits of the coxcomb kind, 
 And see you flirting with the vile and vain, 
 The silliest fops that flaunt in folly's train, 
 My fears I own I can no more dissemble, 
 The precipice before you makes me tremble j. 
 Tremble like Moses upon Sinai's Mount,
 
 32 
 
 Through mere solicitude on your account. 
 
 From high behest of prudence, while you swerve, 
 
 Your honour should you luckily preserve 
 
 To me 'tis evident your reputation 
 
 Is on the high way to annihilation ; 
 
 All men of sense will presently despise 
 
 A flower that blooms for nought hut butterflies. 
 
 And if for insects beauty's toils are set, 
 
 Nothing but insects will approach her net. 
 
 Since 'tis a truth, by fashion's annals shewn, 
 The fair sex gives Society its tone, 
 'Tis to be wish'd our leading belles would learn 
 The man of real merit to discern, 
 And not in preference place preposterous pride 
 In foplings foolish, frivolous, Frenchified, 
 Nor list complacent to a coxcomb's prattle, 
 His heart a puff-ball, and his head a rattle. 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 Those you style coxcombs, silly as they ate 
 Rank high above your literary bear !
 
 Your" book-full blockhead ignorantly 
 With loads of learned lumber in his head," 
 Is the most hateful animal I know, 
 Much more disgusting than a booby beau, 
 Or weakest fop e'er bred beneath the moon, 
 With head as empty as an air-balloon. 
 Lend your attention, pray, while I describe 
 A Sachem of the literary tribe. 
 
 4 
 
 Hight Decius Dumps, a Solomon, and fool, 
 
 Could pt the seven wise men f Greece to school, 
 
 But is uncouth as elephant just caught, 
 
 Or Oran Outan fresh from Afric brought, 
 
 A stalking statue could not be more rigid, 
 
 Nor walking mummy seem a jot more frigid. 
 
 When this mirth-murderer steps into a room, 
 
 It is pervaded by a general gloom, 
 
 While he sits scowling with an aspect grave, 
 
 As tenant of Trophonius's cave (12) 
 
 His speeches set as Cicero's orations, 
 
 Larded with latin, and with Greek quotations, 
 
 Thunder in words of most remorseless length, 
 
 u The oaks nodosity without its strength,*'
 
 34 
 
 He undertakes to woo some luckless fair 
 
 By rules as intricate as Euclid's are, 
 
 Lays formal siege as if a town to win, 
 
 And drives his courtship on through thick and this, 
 
 But makes approaches in a zig-zag line, 
 
 As if he fear'd the springing of a mine. 
 
 His clothes of some old fashion'd taylor's fangling 
 
 Round his swart carcase s"hiver loose and dangling, 
 
 And often common decency is martyr'd 
 
 By waistcoat buttonless and hose ungarter'd. 
 
 Dire Hobomoko, or a Kalmuck God, 
 
 As large as life could hardly seem so odd. 
 
 O could you see him at our country dances, 
 
 Clumsy, but coltlike, how the creature prances ! 
 
 At his approach the ladies quake and quail, 
 
 A fiery comet, with a blazing tail, 
 
 Threat'ning the world a general conflagration 
 
 Could hardly cause a greater consternation, 
 
 Than this phenomenon among the fair, 
 
 For each one trembles lest the learned bear 
 
 Should pounce on her as partner for a prance, 
 
 And drag her dreadful down the desperate dance .
 
 35 
 
 Now he approximates the shuddering band, 
 Seizes his palpitating victim's hand, 
 Swinging his truant legs from door to door, 
 Heavy as Dutch horse thunders down the floor ! 
 Sideways and lengthways, every way he bounces, 
 Gowntails and gauzes, furbelows and flounces, 
 Are torn beneath his elbows, hoofs and paws, 
 That rip and rend and rive like saw mill-saws ! 
 Earthquakes and hurricanes together met, 
 Could scarcely furnish so confus'd a set, 
 (Roaring above, and rumbling under ground,) 
 As those condemn'd to thrid the mazy roundj 
 With this your famous literary ass, 
 As mere a brute as ever went to grass. 
 Thus the poor peasant all astounded stands, 
 Who sees a whirlwind traversing his lands, 
 And demons, dancing in the hurricane, 
 Scatter his haycocks, and beat down his grain. 
 Dost think that any decent female can 
 Endure the company of such a man ? 
 J'd sooaer wed a legendary ghost,(i3)
 
 36 
 
 Or monkey, freah from Afric's torrid coast, 
 Or bid the carpenter cut out for me 
 A husband from a blasted hemlock tree. 
 
 So much for science, now, sir, if you please, 
 I'll etch you one of his antipodes. 
 Spruce Dicky Dangle is a lady's man, 
 Fine as the spangles on a lady's fan ; 
 With dress unsullied, linen white as snow, 
 A coat" the tippy,'* white topp'd boots " the go," 
 A high crowned hat, with half an inch of rim, 
 To crown a figure delicately slim, 
 He hovers round one, nimble as a fay, 
 Mild as a moon beam in the month of May, 
 Always contriving schemes for one's diversion, 
 Some city jaunt, or sleighing ride excursion 
 Anticipates each wish at half a glance, 
 And such a partner for a country dance ! 
 Graceful and light, in air he seems to swim, 
 And all Adonis shines in every limb ! 
 What though 'tis true some envious folks have said 
 His heels are hardly lighter than bis head,
 
 37 
 
 Such pretty creatures can't be made in vain. 
 But find their proper place in beauty 'a train ; 
 Besides, he whispers in my ear full oft 
 Things all so sentimental, sweet and soft, 
 A heart of adamant cannot but shew 
 Some kindness to so delicate a beau. 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 Lady, you've sketch'd a highly nnish'd pair, 
 Your polish'd monkey, and your learned bear, 
 Though characters we meet with every day, 
 ^"ot every painter could so well pourtray. 
 Learning presents no privilege to dispense 
 With rules of complaisance and common sense, 
 The muses have no quarrel with the graces, 
 But hold, when hand in hand, their proper places. 
 Men I have known of knowledge most profound, 
 or polish'd manners scarcely less renown'd,(15) 
 And every rightly cultivated mind 
 Adds to his lore a knowledge of mankind : 
 But your fine fop's a character I deem 
 
 Not quite so harmless as the thing would seem, 
 4
 
 38 
 
 What though the creature has an empty head, 
 It is an animal one ought to dread ; 
 It has no heart, ne'er felt for other's pain, 
 And strives to be as vicious as 'tis vain. 
 Small talents with great wickedness combinM, 
 May work a world of woe to woman-kind. 
 
 I would not wish your pedant lumber-headed, 
 Itfor shapeless clown to youth and beauty wedded ; 
 The drivelling dotard, hypochondriac-mad, 
 The wild enthusiast with visage sad, 
 The selfish being, with affections cold, 
 The sordid miser, brooding o'er his gold, 
 Nature ne'er meant for those intense delights, 
 Which wait on youth and beauty's favourites. 
 Your savage-seeming, verjuice-visag'd noddies, 
 Have minds in general fitted to their bodies ; 
 The deity, in kindness to our race, 
 Has set a stamp on every human face, 
 By which, together with the shape and air, 
 A shrewd observer may at once declare, 
 From characters of no ambiguous kind,
 
 39 
 
 What are the leading lineaments of mind. 
 Nature, with all her whims is, rarely known, 
 To gild the casket of a worthless stone. 
 Of reptiles venomous there are but few 
 That are not likewise loathsome to the view. 
 There are exceptions to these general rules, 
 When wise men shew the indices of fools ; 
 Shrewd /Esop, and sage Socrates, we're told, 
 Had features fashio'd in the roughest mould. 
 But these are rank'd among anomalous cases, 
 And few bright minds are blurr'd with ugly faces j 
 Where e'erthe soul is barbarous and rough, 
 The visage is of corresponding stuff; 
 Nature ne'er meant to mask her human creatures, 
 But bade the passions mo*ild the pliant features, 
 Till one as plainly may peruse their traces, 
 As read a label, in their tell-tale faces. 
 The signs are sure as text of holy book, 
 For thus we say one has a hanging look ; 
 This man's sppearance indicates a quiz, 
 That man exhibits an assassin's phiz. 
 Tie Kalmuck-features, and the Eskimeaux,
 
 40 
 
 The stupid melancholy savage shew. 
 
 In our poor natives 7 faces, not a line 
 
 Displays the human countenance divine. 
 
 But grief and care too commonly we find, 
 
 Or hopeless love eclipse the brightest mind ; 
 
 Anxiety the fairest visage shrouds, 
 
 And mental light scarce glimmers through the clouds 
 
 When we perceive the wan brow overcast, 
 
 Scath'dby the lightning of misfortune's blast, 
 
 'Tis worth one's tender and judicious care 
 
 To seek what eaus'd the tempest gather'd there, 
 
 And if it rose from carking care, or love, 
 
 Which time, and tender treatment may remove, 
 
 The wand of friendship, haply you may find, 
 
 May bring back sunshine to the darken'd mind. 
 
 When you behold a genuine " son of soul," 
 Bending to beauty's magical control, 
 Doting on some shrewd, cold, capricious fair, 
 And stung by all the scorpions of despair, 
 Your smile, perhaps, or glance of approbation 
 May wake this senseless block to animation.
 
 41 
 
 And you perform as great a wonder then 
 
 As Pyrrha erst transforming stones to men.(15) 
 
 KARt'ISSA. 
 
 But if I find that my admirer is 
 A bashful, awkward, and unhandy quiz, 
 Odd, though officious, forward, yet mbarrass'J, 
 Must I be ever and forerer harrass'd ? 
 Were it not better to dismiss the dunee, 
 And gire the dolt his destiny at once ? 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 Your penetration, lady, will discover 
 The character, and motives of your lover ; 
 David appear'd insane to common eyes,(16) 
 And angels have been seen in rustic guise. 
 Sometimes a truly meritorious youth, 
 By love's embarrassments is made uncouth, 
 His hesitating speech and odd address 
 Proclaim the Satyr of the wilderness, 
 A sort of semi-vegetating lout, 
 
 As coarse as Cloddipol, or Colin Clout, 
 
 4 *
 
 42 
 
 Until, at length, from bashful durance freed, 
 Your Pan's transfigur'd to a Ganymede. 
 
 Cupid, like Circe strange mutations makes, 
 
 Coarse country clowns, transforms to courtly rakes* 
 >. 
 Or bids the courtier over act the clown, 
 
 And makes a fool's cap of a monarch's crown. 
 
 Desponding lov the brightest eye can dim, 
 And like the night-mare fetter every limb, 
 By hope inspir'd, it bids an air divine, 
 In every feature, every gesture shine. 
 
 Licentious love assumes as many shapes 
 As did the old celestial jackanapes, 
 Who in a course of vile intrigues, we're told, 
 Became a bull, a swan, a shower of gold. 
 But if your suitor be indeed sincere 
 The following indications will appear, 
 Looks, actions, words proclaim his pure intention, 
 Now flush'd with hope, now pale with apprehension, 
 The cautious, silent but enraptur'd gaze,
 
 43 
 
 His half-express'd, half stifled wish betrays, 
 Emotions speak, he trembles to reveal, 
 But yet too powerful wholly to conceal ; 
 Impell'd by fond solicitude he tries, 
 To scan your accents, and to read your eyes ; 
 Dwells on each gesture, treasures every word 
 With all the anxiety of hope deferred. 
 No toils nor dangers were to him amiss 
 To gain that certainty of waking bliss, 
 Which an assurance, would to him impart, 
 He had obtained an interest in your heart. 
 He will not stun you with a coxcomb's tattle, 
 Nor vague unmeaning artificial prattle, 
 Far fetch'd allusions, and quaint similes, 
 Which speak a quibbling head, and heart at 
 Will not attempt your morals to pervert, 
 Feelings to wound, nor delicacy hurt, 
 Awkward he seems, on meditation bent, 
 His every gesture shews embarrassment ; 
 And every feature characters of care, 
 For true love ever borders o despair ; 
 And if the spell's of long contiauatitn,
 
 He falls a victim to its fascination. 
 A settled gloom his miseries complete, 
 And shatter'd reason abdicates its seat : 
 Before his merits you can fairly rate, 
 His diffidence, 'tis your's to dissipate, 
 And bid the lenitive of hope impart 
 Some consolation to his wounded heart. 
 When the lorn lover feels relief from pain, 
 And sighing Strephon is " himself again," 
 In this new modell'd being you may find 
 A constant lover, and a husband kind, 
 A quick proficient in those witching arts. 
 Which form the ligaments of kindred hearts. 
 
 Should you perceive your lover's case forlorn, 
 Let not the pains and penalties of scorn, 
 When you are forc'd to disallow his plea, 
 Add double damages to your decree ; 
 For^ though your sentence may be strictly just, 
 Yet it may humble merit in the dust, 
 Put purest innocence upon the rack, 
 'Till reason staggers, and the heart-strings crack.
 
 45 
 
 Suffer no vain nor frivolous pretence 
 To keep an anxious suitor in suspense, 
 '' If hope's creative spirit cannot raise 
 One trophy, sacred to your future days," 
 The fated negative with kindness blend, 
 Dismiss the suitor, but retain the friend. 
 
 What disappointment can be more severe, 
 What more deserves commiseration's tear, 
 Than his hard fate, who seeks a friend for life, 
 A lovely, loving, and beloved wife 
 Who has so long on her perfections dwelt, 
 And at her shrine, so long, so often knelt 
 His very being seems identified 
 With that of his anticipated bride 
 Already bound by flattering hope's affiance, 
 And all his wishes centred in th' alliange, 
 Yet trembling waits his arbiters decree 
 For all he is or e'er expects to be 
 Can dream of nought but joining hands and hearts, 
 Of kindred souls created counter parts 
 Has built no doubt, to please h.is matchless fair,
 
 46 
 
 A thousand stately palaces in air$ 
 Fabric on fabric rearing in a trice j 
 Glittering like Russian palaces of ice 
 One look severe, conveys a fatal blow 
 Which lays his visionary prospects low, 
 And when affection's chords you rudely sever, 
 His sun of happiness seems set forever ? 
 But such solicitudes your heartless beau, 
 Has never known, nor can he ever know, 
 Incapable of any generous passion, 
 He bows to every deity of fashion. 
 From your levee discard the fickle fop, 
 Away the imp of levity will hop, 
 Like silly insect, ever on the wing, 
 And flutter round some Bother giddy thing. 
 Should you be doom'd with one of this pert train, 
 To wear for life, the loath'd hymeneal chain, 
 Soon would you curse the inauspicious hour, 
 Which put you in the paltry tyrant's power. 
 With all such vapid votaries of variety, 
 Sickly disgust succeeds to dull satiety ; 
 Their eun of love declines before its noon,
 
 47 
 
 Wanes with the waning of the honey moon, 
 Then, like queen Mary and her favourite Scot, 
 The pair unite to execrate their lot, 
 Half smother' d hatred in each bosom burns, 
 Or cold indifference into fury turns. 
 
 But if a milder destiny await, 
 Your ill starr' d union with a worthless mate, 
 One half yourself can never fit the other, 
 And though the flames of discord you may smother. 
 And act in style the modish man and wife, 
 You lead an anxious, yet insipid life : 
 Embraces cold, civility constraint, 
 Compliances with which the heart is pain'd, 
 The look ungentle, summoning a tear, 
 Petty vexatations, nameless, yet severe, 
 Taunts half express'd that border upon strife, 
 The heart corrode and taint the springs of life ; 
 No other love his bestial nature suits, 
 But what is his in common with the brutes, 
 A sordid appetite, unhallow'd fire, 
 In which no friendship purifies desire.
 
 48 
 
 Soon, hapless pair, you fall in time's arrears. 
 Plod, peevishly adownthe vale of years, 
 And where will then your boasted partner rank, 
 His heart a sink of vice, his head a blank ? 
 Alas ! too late you find no charms can bind 
 Save those which serve for linking mind to mind, 
 \nd bid affection's buds forever bloom, 
 When all that's mortal moulders in the tomb. 
 
 Nor time alone your pleasures may invade, 
 The most angelic human form may fade, 
 Blasted in youth by premature decay, 
 And furnish death an unexpected prey. 
 When life's gay morn is wrapp'd in Stygian gloom, 
 And beauty hovers o'er th' untimely tomb ; 
 Those lovely lips, and cherub-cheeks disclose 
 No more the lily, blended with the rose, 
 Sunk in their sockets of extinguish'd fire, 
 Those eyes, which now might apathy inspire, 
 Who of the tribe of coxcombs has the power 
 To sooth the sorrows of the torturing hour? 
 Who then, with silent step, suspended breath,
 
 Would hover round you, on the bed of death, 
 With softest spell of sympathy appease 
 Xhe ruthless pangs of merciless disease ; 
 Bend in mute anguish o'er that fading form, 
 Print on cold lips affection's kisses warm ? 
 Who then in spite of manacles of clay, 
 Spite of the loathsome symptoms of decay, 
 Spurning at sense, and sensual control, 
 Then, even then would mingle soul with soul, 
 And in one charming characte-r would blend 
 Divine, physician, husband, lover, friend ? 
 
 NARCISS.l. 
 
 Your rhetorick triumphs, sir, and I propose 
 No more to flirt with fickle, faithless beaux, 
 But banish bipeds of the coxcomb kind, 
 Whose vows are vapours, and whose oaths are winxi* 
 But should I chance a man of sense to meet, 
 Who is withal a gentleman complete, 
 Who wbuld unite his destiny with mine, 
 While Cupid's torch illumines Hymen's shrine, 
 
 No more I'll shun th' indissoluble band, 
 5
 
 50 
 
 But dedicate to him my heart and hand, 
 E'en condescend to set me down for life, 
 And be that hum drum animal, a wife. 
 But e'er I'm tangled in the fatal noose, 
 And tie the knot death only can unloose, 
 Perhaps your worship's monitorial voice 
 May furnish rules to regulate my choice. 
 Please give a full length likeness of the man, 
 Whom you would have me marry, if I can. 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 Before you venture on a wedded state, 
 Be cautious thatyeu clearly estimate 
 Your suitor's conduct, character and views, 
 And all that gives to hfe its varied hues, 
 Age, morals, prospects., temper, education, 
 Require a most minute examination ; 
 Ne'er wed, for sake of managing a fool, 
 Lest you be mangled by a blunt-edg'd tool 
 United to a simpleton, you'll find 
 That folly is as obstinate as blind, 
 For often men with scarcely Common sense
 
 51 
 I 
 
 Become great plagues, to prove their consequence. 
 
 I've seen a stupid, sullen, lordly lout, 
 
 With barely wit enough to walk about, 
 
 The doughty hero of domestic war, 
 
 To shew he's not the foo! he's taken for : 
 
 Though destitute of every other merit 3 
 
 His fireside skirmishes display his spirit ; 
 
 His poor domesticks' backs and sides attest 
 
 To the puissance of his mauly breast, 
 
 And china crash'd beneath his churlish cane, 
 
 Displays his prowess in his own domain. 
 
 Abroad he would not treat the meanest man ill, 
 
 The tiger fawns, and crouches like a spaniel, 
 
 Pockets each insult, sneaks away from strife, 
 
 At home he vents, his fury on his wife ! 
 
 The' tyrant thus engrafted on the brute, 
 
 The tree produces execrable fruit. 
 
 Ne'er run the risk, a wedded life attends, 
 Without the sanction of experienced friends, 
 But as you wish to shun extremest wo, 
 Reserve the privilege of saying no.
 
 -Should kindred, frsends, and parents all uaitc, 
 
 To recommend a worthy favourite, 
 
 Evince yo^r gratitude for favours meant, 
 
 But do not wed without your orvn consent. 
 
 Mistaken friendship only could advise 
 
 To make your heart a loathing sacrifice, 
 
 And thus a horrid living death contrive, 
 
 Like vestal prostitutes inhuard alive, (17) 
 
 And what would make most terrible your doom. 
 
 A hated husband's arms, your living tomb ! 
 
 Nor is it oft a less mistake to deem, 
 
 You cannot love a suitor you esteem. 
 
 For love may be by gratitude excited 1 , 
 
 Apd oft lies dormant, till a pair's united. 
 
 Jfe'er wed a man, whom his own sex despise.. 
 
 However pleasing to your partial eyes, 
 
 For such have always something in their nature* 
 
 In common with a fop or petit mailrc. 
 
 Should both the Indies all their mines unfold, 
 
 And bid you barter happiness for gold, 
 
 Never be dup'd by any venal plan, 
 
 To wed the treasure and detest thp
 
 53 
 
 But though I would not wish a lady's heart 
 Set up for sale in matrimonial mart, 
 Unless the purchaser make better proffers 
 Than that of all the wealth in Mammon's coffers, 
 Let not the blind God urge you to dispense 
 With a fair prospect of a competence j 
 The most affectionate and well match'd pair, 
 Will find it hard to lire on love and air. 
 Wrapt in th' Elysium of connubial bliss, 
 Food, fire, and raiment will not come amiss j 
 Love is an epicure, and never din'd 
 Like a chameleon on the north east wind. 
 
 Let not a transient, visionary flame, 
 Lure thee to paths of misery and shame^ 
 Love's a delirious and destructive dream, 
 Unless 'tis built on rational esteem ; 
 Despise those silly and romantic notions 
 Of wonderful and non-descript emotions, 
 Which set two kindred spirits, at first sight, 
 A loving furiously with main, and might, 
 
 So suddenly, so ardently attach'd, 
 5 *
 
 54 
 
 The simpletons suppose their so uls were match'd, 
 
 By gentle mandate of resistless fate, 
 
 In Dr. Watts' pre-existing state, 
 
 And ten to one their tempers, educations, 
 
 Their views! of life and favourite occupations, 
 
 Proclainj them opposites, bj more degrees, 
 
 Than those which separate antipodes. 
 
 Though novel writers have for aye insisted 
 That love's a power which cannot be resisted ; 
 Such trash is mischievous and merely meet 
 To qualify pert misses for the street ; 
 Love without hope will commonly expire, 
 Hope fans and feeds the fascinating fire, 
 Which oft is kindled by imagination, 
 Or what .physicians call hallucination ; 
 And may be overcome by any mean 
 That's found of efficacy in the spleen ; 
 Amusement, occupation of some kind, 
 Which may agreeably engross the mind, 
 Nine times in ten, the lover disenchant, 
 Ajad Cupid's viewless arrows turn
 
 53 
 
 In spite of all small poets say and sing, 
 He rarely hits a bird that's on the wing. 
 Are you in love unless on ruin bent, 
 Sit not like patience on a monument, 
 Fancy's pernicious visions to indulge, 
 A prey to feelings you dare not divulge, 
 But to some prudent common friend impart 
 The sentiments, which agitate your heart, 
 By whom, with proper management, no doubt, 
 An eclaircissement may be brought about, 
 And yet your confident need not reveal, 
 A sentiment, which honor would conceal. 
 But, if by these, or other means you learn, 
 That your partiality meets no return, 
 Let none discover that you have been slighted, 
 Or that affections' blossoms have been blighted ; 
 In such mischance 'tis bootless to Complaia, 
 For e'en a Sappho's lyre was tun'din vaia, 
 And Sappho's fate describ'd in Sappho's lays, 
 Would be the scoff and scorn of modern days ; 
 Then, though with her intensity you 
 Your sentiments if possible conceal.
 
 Some pre-engagement may perhaps exist, 
 Perhaps your favourite's not on Hymen's list. 
 The urchin God, besides his being blind 
 Is volatile and faithless as the wind ; 
 'Tis folly like the love-lorn lass of Greece. 
 To yield to such a Deity's caprice. 
 
 Some foolish fair suppose that they discover 
 In each male visitant, a desperate lovsr, 
 And make themselves ridiculous in th' extreme, 
 'Till they perceive their conquest is a dream ; 
 And others fall the victims, by surprise, 
 Of love, approaching under friendship's guise, 
 To shun these gulphs requires some little art, 
 Aad rules laid down to read a suitor's heart. 
 
 Let no repugnance to a single state, 
 Lead to a union with a worthless mate, 
 At Hymen's vestibule, though long you tarry, 
 Never betray solicitude to marry, 
 For brutal men are ever prone to vex 
 A seeming suitor of th fairer sex i <
 
 67 
 
 And men of sense can hardly be expected, 
 
 To seek a hand that's often been rejected ; 
 And though 'tis true, you'll find full many a feel 
 W ould make old maids the butts of ridicule, 
 A single lady, though advanc'd in life, 
 Is much mot e happy than an ifl-match'd wife, 
 Of frivolous ball -room flatterers beware, 
 For dissipation's annals will declare, 
 Like ign es fatui hovering o'er a swamp, 
 They've led to ruin many a pretty romp. 
 I would not have a fashionable belle, 
 Discard her beau beause he dances well, 
 Nor wed the man of minuets, jigs and reels, 
 Whose merits all are center'd in his heels ; 
 Partners for life should higher claims advance, 
 Than those which serve for partners in a dance, 
 The scoffing infidel and wretch profane, 
 Should be expell'd from youth and beauty's train, 
 With victims of that fatal fascination, 
 Which drowns the faculties in dissipation ; 
 JS"o general rules, however, can embrace 
 The cautions due in every special case,
 
 Vour own discretion is your safest guide 1 < 
 But these my hints miy aid you to decide. 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 Since this important subject is dispatch'd, 
 Our matchless fair will be divinely matched, 
 Cupid will cease from customary pranks, 
 And Hymen's lottery furnish no more blanks, 
 Henceforth " no hot hearts" will be led astray, 
 But pair as quietly as birds in May. 
 
 
 
 Our Powers and Duties you have dwelt upon. 
 And given us rules to regulate the ton, 
 But we have rights, of which you know a draught, 
 Was sketch'dby one Miss- Mary Wolstonecraft, 
 And which, I take it, as a lady's friend, (18) 
 Your worship's etching ought to comprehend. 
 Since you esteem our sex so good and great, 
 Why not hold offices in Church and State ? 
 Some female warriors have been found as famous 
 As any heroes history can name us, 
 In private life, each day's experience teaches,
 
 59 
 
 We caanot be surpass'd in making speeches, 
 And none can doubt but lady-legislators 
 Would make at least most capital debateFS. 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 Dame Nature tells us Mary's rights are wrong, 
 Her female freedom is a Syren-Song ,- 
 What though our Sampsons, Solomons are found. 
 By artful women, led astray or bound-^- 
 Though female counsellor?, time out of mind. 
 Have rul'd the mighty rulers of mankind ; 
 Fierce fighting heroes and despotic kings, 
 Fasten'd in triumph to their apron strings, 
 And lady politicians, I confess 
 Are quite unmatchable, in sheer finesse, 
 Those who give motion to such state machines, 
 Succeed the best, when plac'd behind the scenes 
 Should ladies-errant undertake to deal 
 In " gun, drum, trumpet, blunderbuss" and steel, 
 Perhaps some incidents might much perplex 
 The boldest warriors of the gentler sex. 
 Should fighting fair ones, take the field in state,
 
 
 
 They'll capture fewer than they'll captivate ; 
 
 And though, no doubt a battery of bright eyes, 
 
 Would cause a dismal quantity of sighs, 
 
 Still, warriors, smitten with celestial charms, 
 
 But rarely run away from female arms, 
 
 The kind of death, in which fair heroines deal, 
 
 Are not like those dispens'd by griding steel, 
 
 For men, though murderM by your eye-beam shotj 
 
 Still live to own they'd rather die than not ; 
 
 And lovers' deaths present a kind of bourne 
 
 From whence your travellers commonly return. 
 
 In lapse of ages, true, we now and then 
 Viragos find, who ape ambitious men, 
 And once or twice, in several hundred years, 
 A Catharine or Elizabeth appears ; 
 But still, the annals of mankind declare, 
 That such phenomena are very rare-r 
 That female power but rarely has its source 
 In martial deeds, or is juaintaioM by force.
 
 61 
 
 In savage life to woman is assign'd, 
 All offices of mean laborious kind, 
 Her stupid spouse condemns her to a place, 
 Scarce one remove above the bestial race, 
 An hopeless state of servitude for life, 
 And holds his dog far dearer than his wife, 
 By toil degraded, and depress'd by fear, 
 She feels no tie that makes existence dear, 
 Life is a burthen, heavy to endure, 
 A long disease, which death alone can cure ; 
 And lest her offspring meet the -dreadful doom 
 Of hopeless servitude and rayless gloom, 
 She murders them ! esteems the fatal blow, 
 The highest boon affection can bestow !(19) 
 
 Scarce less the evils which your sex await, 
 When man emerging from a savage state, 
 Has fill'dhis sconce with strange erratic fancies. 
 Such as we see in legends and romances ; 
 When, honour'd with his lady's scarf or glove, 
 Boiling with valour, terribly in love, 
 6
 
 Arm'd capapee, the formidable knight 
 
 Rides forth to conquer, in his lady's right, 
 
 To prove beyond the shadow of a doubt 
 
 His mistress beautiful as he is stout ; 
 
 And tut men's throats in right heroic fashion. 
 
 To shew the influence of the tender passion. 
 
 Mean while the fair one, who inspired his flame, 
 
 Her desperate champion scarcely knows by name ; 
 
 In castle gltomy and remote confin'd, 
 
 Shut out from all communion with mankind, 
 
 Scarce visited by e'en a solar ray, 
 
 She vegetates a torpid life away. 
 
 Again what evils and temptations wait 
 
 On woman in a highly polish'd state ? 
 
 Ske then becomes a truant, trifling thing 1 , 
 
 Destin'd to dally, dandle, dance and sing, 
 
 To paint, parade, play, prattle, and excite 
 
 The grossest cravings of gross appetite 
 
 A kind of love that's foreign to the heart, 
 
 In which esteem can never bear a part. 
 
 But when mankind are duly civiliz'd, 
 
 The sex are honoured and their virtue* priz'd,
 
 "Tis then recogniz'd as the omniscient plaa 
 That woman be the equal friend of man, 
 That those alike most dangerously misjudge 
 Who make her or a goddess, or a drudge. 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 Bound fast in fate's indissoluble tether, 
 The paths of life the sexes trace together, 
 Are fellow travellers, weal or woe betide, 
 And when one slips the other's sure to slide, 
 Thus 'tis recorded in th' historic page, 
 In every nation, and in every age, 
 When man's deprav'd by folly orb}*- crimes, 
 Woman becomes a sample of th^ times, 
 Our foibles, themes of moral declamation, 
 Are mostly lures to gain your approbation, 
 For true it is, in every scheme we plan, 
 We are but anglers for that odd-fish, man, 
 Our very crimes, to catch male gudgeons meant, 
 Are but too well adapted to th' intent
 
 64 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 For this cause fashion's whim whams are embrae'd, 
 Her now no body, now three quarters waist, 
 Her fickle followers play as many pranks, 
 As could a troop of crazy mountebanks ; 
 With garments now, as Indian blanket loose, 
 And now tight lac'd, as stiff as spitted goose, 
 Anon behold a neck and bosom bare, 
 Allures the biped game to beauty's lair. 
 But still, with all your toils and pains immense, 
 Such fool-traps rarely take a man of sense, 
 And I would warn our fashionable misses 
 Against this sporting upon precipices. 
 Though rakes and coxcombs, malapert and vain, 
 And paltry parasites may swell your train 
 iTet these false-hearted simpletons despise 
 The flirts whom they pretend to idolize : 
 Believe them silly things, who have the power 
 To speed the pinions of an idle hour, 
 But genuine love and rational esteem, 
 Are qualities of which they never dream t 
 And prudent people will be apt to fear,
 
 65 
 
 Such liberal ladies are what they appear. 
 
 When e'er a dress of gew gaws and of flounces 
 
 Is quite transparent and scarce weighs four ounces, 
 
 I'm led to think its silly owner's brains, 
 
 Can hardly muster half as many grains : 
 
 For who would wed a nymph, though passing fair, 
 
 Whose boasted charms are common as the air ? 
 
 What chapman, if he's not a block-head buys, 
 
 A property he can't monopolize ? j 
 
 What showman, who is not a stupid wight, 
 
 Displays his greatest rarities in sight ? 
 
 One would suppose the answers must be plain, 
 
 And strike all intellects not quite insane, 
 
 And yet sometimes I fear our modern Eves 
 
 Will quite forget their grandam wore fig leaves, 
 
 And by and by at fashion's frivolous call, j 
 
 Appear quite naked at a public ball, \ 
 
 Like fine French ladies, who by fashion led on, 
 
 Once grac'd a theatre, without a thread on. (20) 
 
 Full many a beauty blasted in her bloom, 
 
 This stripping mania hurries to the tomb ; ^ 
 
 There's one old Boreas woos your thio clad fair^ 
 6 *
 
 66 
 
 Salutes them boldly, and with such an air ! 
 But this rough gallant has a baneful breath, 
 And his embraces are the assaults of death. 
 
 KARCISSA. 
 
 Now, Mr. Monitor, you play the scrub, 
 And act Diogenes, without his tub ! 
 For fashion's models you would wish, I'll venture ye, 
 To send us back for more than half a century ; 
 By your sagacity we shall be told 
 That nought is excellent but what is old. 
 Wouldst thou revive the fooleries of dress, 
 Which mark'd "the golden age of good queen Bess" 
 In whale-bone boddices lace beauty's train, 
 'Till like a wasp they're nearly cut in twain ? 
 With huge hoop petticoats gay nymphs surround, 
 And trains that trail for yards upon the ground ? 
 Or would those old French fashions be preferr'd, 
 Which were, if possible still more absurd, 
 When caps, and bonnets, menacing the moon, 
 Glard like a meteor, or an air balloon 
 Head dresses tall as towers were all the ton,
 
 67 
 
 And dashing beauties when they put them on, 
 
 Arrang'd their toilets in the open street, 
 
 And whe*; their upper-story was complete, 
 
 Love's apparatus fitted to a pin, 
 
 The widest street door would not take them in ? 
 
 The fascinating creatures then, no doubt, 
 
 Play'd off their charms on passengers without. 
 
 Thus erst, in France they strove for fashion's prize.. 
 
 Unless grave authors state enormous lies. (21) 
 
 Or will your worship be so good as state, 
 
 What follies please you of less ancient date ? 
 
 You would be raptur'd, if I right opine, 
 
 With high-heel'd shoes, crape cushions to combine. 
 
 Would wish our toilets fix'd upon the scale, 
 
 Of Richard Steele's good lady Fardingale. 
 
 MEKTOR. 
 
 I am no Cynic, lady, who would lay 
 A stumbling block in youth and beauty's way, 
 With candor too, I willingly avow, 
 That fashion's follies are less foolish now, 
 Than were the pranks ske formerly display'd,
 
 68 
 
 When n life's stage my foolish part was play'd. 
 
 I wish you not to altogether brave 
 
 The laws of fashion, nor to be its slare, 
 
 While at your toilet decency presides, 
 
 Let taste and judgment be your constant guides, 
 
 Your age, shape, rank,the season,your complexion t 
 
 With your apparel claim a due connexion ; 
 
 Let your attire, at proper times be airy, 
 
 And if you please fantastic as a fairy, 
 
 But never sacrifice your health and ease, 
 
 To a vain hope by fashion's whims to please. 
 
 Let not your wardrobe be disgrac'd by meant 
 
 Of modern, modish, mischievous machines, 
 
 With which, unless they're dolefully belied^ 
 
 Some fooli of fashion have been fortified, 
 
 And bitterly, regretted their presumption, 
 
 When squeez'd and pinion'd into a consumption. 
 
 My pupils should not be allow'd the use 
 
 Of too much vinegar and lemon juice, 
 
 With which some ladies, not so nice a prim, 
 
 Forsake of seeming delicately slim, [forgive) 
 
 Have drugg'd themselves (may heaven such fools
 
 69 
 
 'Till they became too delicate to live ! 
 These and a thousand such pernicious arts, 
 Folly's artillery aim'd at heedless hearts, 
 May now and then a fop or fool decoy, 
 But cannot fail that influence to destroy, 
 Which, if it were to truth and virtue giv'n, 
 Might make this earth a prototype of heav'n. 
 
 If vice and folly bask in beauty's smile, 
 Like noxious reptiles on the banks of Nile, 
 Their votaries vile soon swarm on either hand, 
 And spread like locusts o'er a ruin'd land. 
 
 Ladies who " stoop to conquer" fashion's elves, 
 Injure mankind, and over reach themselves, 
 For bauty under affectation's guise, 
 Is sheer deformity, in reason's eyes. 
 
 See Fanny Flytrap glitter at a ball, 
 A brisk automaton, a walking doll, 
 But such a paragon in shape and air, 
 Venus de Medicis would seem less fair,
 
 What shoals of fops around the fair oae caper, 
 Like giddy insects, buzzing round a taper ! 
 Caelebs by chance within the circle strays, 
 A man of sense, attracted by the blaze 
 Of beauty so transcendent, with design, 
 His heart to offer at so fair a shriae. 
 The pretty idiot opes her coral lips, 
 Where lore of course his choicest nectar sips ; 
 Bolts out crude nonsense, with affected lisp, 
 And beauty's son becomes a will-o-wisp. 
 To catch all hearts, see now she's on th' alert, 
 Now plays the prude, now overacts the flirt, 
 Ogles and stares, and languishes and tries'. 
 To look ineffably with both her eyes, 
 Now gires her fan it's fascinating flutter, 
 And titters every syllable she utters. 
 
 Behold what attitudes, display of shapes, 
 Held out as lures to fashionable apes, 
 Each gesture says " how beautiful I be," 
 And every look " Lord only look of me"! 
 With Caelebs netr the charm dissolves a pace,
 
 71 
 
 He wonders notf she sports so plain a face I 
 Her arts and attitudes have lost their aim, 
 And chill'd the fervour of his rising flame ; 
 Like Ixion now, he finds his goddess proud, 
 Is metamorpos'd to a vapid cloud. 
 Though fops and fools admire such dainty dolts, 
 With scarce the intellect of yearling colts, 
 xtfot Venus' self the man of sense would bind, 
 Without some portion of Minerva's mind. 
 " Beauties in vain their pretty eyes may roll, 
 Charms strike the sight, but merit wins the soul." 
 Yet this fine thing, with neither head nor heart, 
 Is not the fool of nature, hut of art, 
 From earliest infancy has heen appris'd, 
 That such a beauty must be idoliz'd, 
 E'en by her nurse, while yet a tiny elf, 
 Taught not to reverence^ but adore herself. 
 Fond foolish parents, blest with wealth and rank, 
 Worshipp'd her form, but left her head a blank, 
 Hence that fine shape, gay air, and lily skin, 
 But make more evident the blank within,
 
 72 
 
 Her beauty's found, when brought to reason's trial, 
 A flaring label on an empty vial. 
 
 Her contrast see in yonder timid fair, 
 With such an artless, notice shunning air, 
 Not trick'd, and furbelow'd from head to fet 3 
 Her dress plain, elegant, and simply neat, 
 An unaffected modesty display'd 
 In every look, and motion of the maid, 
 Which e'en the greatest libertines admire. 
 Commands esteem and over awes desire, 
 An apprehension quick, a mind serene, 
 Stamp their divinity upon her mien, 
 Like that majestic virtue, which subdued 
 As Milton sings, the monsters of the wood (22) 
 Adorn a simple village maiden more, 
 Than could the cestus Cythereis wore, (23) 
 Still there is nothing in her shape or face, 
 The painter's or the sculptor's hand can trace. 
 Which gives a claim to beauty's envied mead, 
 Whence then can so much loveliness proceed ? 
 There is a beauty, which transcends their art,
 
 75 
 
 A culturd mind, and rectitude of heart, 
 Speak in her looks, in every action shine, 
 And tell the world their mansion is divine. 
 Familiar beauty's sure to be neglected, 
 Respect yourself, if you would bo respected, 
 Imprudent females, when too late discover, 
 A lover blest no longer is a lover, 
 That lovers half-blest loose one half their flame, 
 Is shewn by many a disappointed aim. 
 
 Selina fears you'll take her for a prude. 
 Unless she suffers suitors to be rude, 
 Her ready lips celestial sweets disclose, 
 Without a forfeit to a herd of beaux, 
 Who hover round her, as in grocer's shop, 
 A swarm of flies beset a treacle drop ; 
 With rumpled dress, she flirts about the town, 
 Squir'd by some knight of infamous renown ; 
 ;; A youth of fire who has drunk deep and play'd, 
 And kill'd his man, and triumph'd o'er his maid," 
 She makes her beau, for ball or sleighing ride, 
 
 Her chief fan-flirter, and her shopping guide * 
 7
 
 74 
 
 I or him, as yet unhang'd she spreads her charms, 
 Snatches the dear destroyer to her arms, 
 And amply gives, (though treated long amiss,) 
 The man of merit his revenge in this." 
 'Tis thus that beauty, brought to vice's aid, 
 Your sex may ruin, and our sex degrade. 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 While thus you follow fashion's crazy crew, 
 One half your subject has escap'd your view, 
 If satire's tribute you must stop to pay, 
 To every nude that shivers in your way, 
 With critical and scrutinizing eye, 
 Note every pin we chance to stick awry 
 Misrepresent our sex as monstrous creatures, 
 As faithless mirrors mar the brightest features, 
 And Quixotte-like deal doughty random blows 
 To overthrow imaginary beaux, 
 Make effigies of straw, then claim renown 
 For prowess shewn in hunting of them down, 
 Your straggling Pegasus, as I perpend, 
 Will founder long before his journey's end ;
 
 75 
 
 By well bred critics, you'll be dubb'd, I fear, 
 
 Rather a caviller than a cavallier ; 
 
 Your rambling dissertation will be said 
 
 To be a labyrinth without a thread 
 
 Your favourite themes of foppery and flirtation, 
 
 Are foreign quite to female education. 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 -"Tis education forms the tender mind, 
 
 Just as the twig is bent the tree's inclin'd" 
 
 This hacknied adage, not more trite than true, 
 
 Applies with most propriety to you, 
 
 Life's cares are apt to counteract the checks 
 
 Of education in the ruder sex, 
 
 In woman's mind the characters first trac'd 
 
 Are much less liable to be eras'd, 
 
 Hence woman's almost every aberration, 
 
 Flows from some fault in early education. 
 
 Though beauty's province can but ill afford 
 The laurels of the sceptre or the sword, 
 No valid reason thence can be assign'd,
 
 76 
 
 Against improvement of the female mind, 
 
 The fairer sex are blest with mental powers, 
 
 Which well may bear comparison with ours, 
 
 Different in kind, but equal in degree, 
 
 'Tis surely then a most unjust decree, 
 
 Which dooms your beauties, frivolous and vain, 
 
 To lavish life away in fashion's train, 
 
 As if like Turks we held that G od had giv'n 
 
 The sex no souls, nor made them heirs of heaven ; 
 
 Their duties in the most secluded station, 
 
 Demand a mind improv'd by education, 
 
 As mothers, sisters, mistresses and wives, 
 
 They give,support, sooth, sweeten, charm our lives; 
 
 In every station, destiny or sphere, 
 
 The fruits of education will appear. 
 
 Perhaps as mothers of the human race, 
 Your influence shews its most important trace, 
 A mother's care should form the infant mind 
 To knowledge, virtue, sentiment refin'd, 
 Her plastic hand bids virtue's cion shoot, 
 Or blasts its blossom and extirps its root,
 
 77 
 
 She bids the aascent sage or hero aim, 
 
 By honour's path to climb the steep of fame, 
 
 Or she debases into low pursuits, 
 
 Like Circe changes human kind to brutes ; 
 
 Thus Spartan mothers their bold offspring steel'd? 
 
 Sent them invincible to glory's field.(24) 
 
 Cornelia, noble, and ambitious dame, 
 
 Thus fann'd that spark of glory to a flame, 
 
 Which urg'd the patriot-brothers to their doom, 
 
 And the fond parent triumph'd o'er their tomb,(25) 
 
 Thus Nero's mother was the instigator, 
 
 Of every crime of every name and nature, 
 
 Maternal influence likewise did impart, 
 
 To Borgia, model ofsatanic art, 
 
 His serpent-head, and adamantine heart. (26) 
 
 Let those to whom the task may be assign'd, 
 The important task to mould the infant mind, 
 With ceaseless care, and diligence inspect, 
 The earliest buddings oi the intellect, 
 The shoots of vanity and pride erase, 
 
 And sow the seeds of wisdom in their place. 
 7 *
 
 78 
 
 The infant mind not long remains a blank, 
 
 The weeds of vice soon spring up wild and rank r 
 
 In every mental field, not early till'd, 
 
 And virtue's finest plants are chok'd and kill'd r 
 
 But fashion's tares the produce rarely spoil, 
 
 Of a correctly cultivated soil. 
 
 Let the first lessons given to female youth 
 Be fraught with moral and religious truth, 
 And every sentiment, which you impart, 
 At once improve the head and mend the heart. 
 IVever pervert the young imagination 
 With tales of terror, fancy's fabrication, 
 Teach her the scale of reason to apply, 
 To every thing which meets the ear or eye ; 
 Nor fill her little head with whims and fancies, 
 You must obliterate as life advances. 
 *Tis worse than useless, labour to bestow, 
 in planting seeds you canuot wish should grow, 
 When you, perhaps, may find your efforts vain, 
 To extirpate those very seeds again. 
 In words and actions cautions and correct,
 
 70 
 
 Despise that gibberish-nursery-dialecf, 
 
 Which silly people are so apt to use, 
 
 The faculties of infants to abuse ; 
 
 Let tales of goblin, ghost, or church yard sprite. 
 
 Or grisly apparition cloth'd in white, 
 
 Death-watches, omens, never meet her sarj 
 
 The mind t' enslave with superstitious fear. 
 
 Study the texture of the pupil's mind, 
 As with a microscope that you may find, 
 What faults or foibles interwoven there, 
 Demand your earliest counteracting care, 
 Erase each sully, while it yet is rife, 
 Which else might blurr the character for life. 
 
 If little Miss should boast of beauty bright, 
 Consult her glass with symptoms of delight. 
 Doat on her charms, as misers doat on pell 
 And like Narcissus pines for pretty self, 
 Check her betimes, before too late you find 
 Self love the ruling passion of her mind ; 
 Ere she assume those gestures, and grimaces,
 
 80 
 
 Which pretty simpletons mistake for graces, 
 Who set themselves up beauties by profession, 
 And think to hold all hearts in their possession, 
 (As boys string bird's eggs on a bit of thread) 
 By charms, which rival goddesses might dread. 
 
 When first she seems solicitous to trace 
 The budding beauties of a blooming face, 
 Tell her, though now, so comely to the sight, 
 She might have been, and still may be a fright 
 That mental charms give beauty to the features, 
 But pretty idiots are most ugly creatures 
 That beauty, when by vanity alloy'd, 
 For all good purposes is quite destroy'd 
 That 'twould be great impiety to venture 
 To boast of charms, which Providence but lent her, 
 Which if they merely serve to make her vain, 
 He who bestow'd will take away again 
 That, should she 'scape diseases, which await 
 All mortals in a sublunary state, 
 Which blight the brightest beauty in the bloom, 
 And send the charmer to an early tomb.
 
 81 
 
 Tet youth's gay holiday will soon be past, 
 The thoughtless-fair one will be doom'd at last 
 To such a gallant as she does not dream on, 
 Old, spiteful, ugly as a very demon, 
 Ee'n gaffer Time will riot on her charms, 
 And hug her life out in his shrivell'd arms f 
 
 Is she inordinately fond of dress, 
 Maxims like these 'twere proper to impress, 
 The gay habiliments of art must yield 
 To simplest flowerets that adorn the field 
 That spite of fashion's efforts so absurd, 
 To dress a lady like a humming-bird, 
 Full many a despicable worm and snake 
 Wear finer robes than art could ever make 
 Could she appear like Esther at a feast, 
 Blazing in all the diamonds of the east, 
 While plunder'd provinces are put to rack, 
 To decorate her royal head and back, 
 Her regal robes could not in splendor vie 
 With the apparel of a butterfly.
 
 Are angry passions potent to molest 
 The little sanctuary of her breast, 
 Display themselves, as discipline permits, 
 In sullen, peevish, or outrageous fits, 
 Your moral antidotes betimes apply 
 Before the mental fever rages high, 
 For soon it baffles every human art 
 To drive the poison from the tainted heart. 
 You may present the furious little lass 
 With her own image in a looking glass 
 Tell her the passion which her peaxe annoys, 
 Disturbs her person, and her mind destroys, 
 Can only serve to make her tortur'd breast 
 An emblem of a raging hornet's nest ; 
 Her friends will shun her as they would a toacJ, 
 Or rattle snake that hisses in the road 
 That ladies who such paltry passions share, 
 Should wear, like furies, snakes instead of hair 
 That anger's slave must serve the worst of masters, 
 Expos'd each hour to terrible disasters, 
 And in a moment may be led astray, 
 The guilty victim of some sad affray,
 
 83 
 
 Then to some tale or adage have recourse, 
 Your precepts to illustrate and enforce 
 Tell how the haughty conqueror of the world, 
 By passion's power from glory's summit hurl'<3, 
 His guilty hand in friendly blood imbued, 
 Sunk self abas'd, though never self subdued 
 A mighty warrior, a ferocious elf, 
 Who rul'd a world but could not rule himself. (27) 
 Describe a method sometimes us'd of old 
 To quell the fury of a common scold. 
 When fever heat infallibly to cool, 
 To beldam seated on a ducking stool,, 
 The merry mob applied the gelid bath* 
 A sovereign antidote to powerless wrath. 
 And oftentimes, sans medical advice, 
 Cur'd petulant eruptions in a trice. (28) 
 
 To tame a shrew you must betimes begin, 
 Ere pamper'd passion such ascendant win, 
 Reason may find her every effort vain, 
 To re-assume her abdicated reign. 
 But if you find the temper of a child,
 
 "By nature timid, delicate and mild, 
 Be cautious lest a discipline severe 
 Should be the cause of many a needless tear, 
 Feelings excite of that indignant kind, 
 Which serve to harden, and depress the mind, 
 If reasoning fails, and punish her you must, 
 Make her perceive the punishment is just, 
 Ere you correct the culprit, let her know, 
 Friendship, not anger, meditates the Mow. 
 You spare the rod, and you may spoil tfce child, 
 And yet the rod has many children spoil'd, 
 And parents often play the tyrant's part, 
 To break the temper till they break the heart. 
 Teachers of youth, of either sex there are, 
 Whose rigor drives their pupils to despair. 
 No winning arts the autocrats can please, 
 Their little charge ne'er know a moment's ease, 
 The awful apparatus, plac'd before them, 
 The rod and ferule, hung up in terrorem, 
 Bid slavish fear, the faculties enchain, 
 Numb every nerve and petrify the brain.
 
 85 
 
 There lives in Buzzardshire one Master Gruff, 
 A thorough book-worm, absolute, and rough. 
 With manners ruder than a dancing bear, 
 His learning gave him a preceptor's chair. 
 Entitled him, on Doctor Busby's level, 
 To homage such as Indians pay the devil. 
 A frightful frown his beetling brow deform*, 
 And e'en his smiles are harbingers of storms ; 
 No slave-compelling despot of Algiers, 
 In greater mimic*majesty appears 
 He never deigns to touch affection's chords ; 
 His blue Zat5, never sanction'd by rewards, 
 Seem form'd by Athens' sanguinary sage, 
 Or rescripts of inquisitorial rage. 
 His pupils in the pedagogue descry 
 A Jove that rarely lays his thunders by. 
 Not the most trivial mark of approbation 
 Repays the most successful application ; 
 Save when king scorpion, plays the monarch log, 
 From morn to night, 'tis mutter, scold and flog. 
 The trembling younkers, harden'd by degrees, 
 
 Dismiss the hope, and loose the wish to please 
 8
 
 86 
 
 Take the first step?, with desperation callous, 
 "Which persevere! in lead them to the gallows. 
 
 I've known a youth his lessen con with care, 
 Till he could say it like a witch's prayer, 
 Backwards or forwards, sideways or across, 
 Among his playmates never at a loss, 
 Yet, summoned by his tyrant master's call, 
 The frighten' d innocent had lost it all, 
 Was dubb'd a dunce, whipp'd, orderd to depart,, 
 With mind embruted, and a broken heart. 
 
 When constant fears the faculties overwhelm,, 
 Judgment, and memory desert the helm, 
 The mind, at length is paraliz'd with dread, 
 A sword, suspended o'er a student's head, 
 Would little aid a mental exercise, 
 Or help to gain a literary prize. 
 And childrea beat'n like breaking asses' coltt* 
 Are disciplin'd to villains or to dolts.(29)
 
 87 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 By snie good writers publick schools are tavd 
 With discipline improperly relax'd, 
 Cowper condemns them in severest style, 
 As almost nuisances in Britain's Isle. 
 " Would you your son should be a sot or dunce, 
 Lascivious, headstrong, or all these at once, 
 That, in good time the stripling's finish'd taste 
 May prove your ruin, and his own at last, 
 Train him in publick with a herd of boys, 
 Children in mischief only and in noise." 
 So sings the British bard, and most maintain 
 That teachers govern with too lax a rein, 
 Sure then 'tis hardly orthodox to dream 
 Of danger in the opposite extreme. 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 'Tir difficult, in discipline's career, 
 Rightly between the two extremes to steer^ 
 The rough and sturdy younker to command, 
 Requires a heavy, and a steady hand, 
 jBut means to check the burly and the bold
 
 88 
 
 Might ruin tempers of a milder mould j 
 The reign of terror frequently we find, 
 Beyond recovery blasts the growth of mind. 
 For slavish apprehension's stern control, 
 Freezes the" genial current of the soul ;" 
 And too much licence suffers youth to stray. 
 Along destruction's broad and beaten way. 
 
 The pupil's genius, rank and destination 
 Should be consulted in her education, 
 Let not your lessons open to her view 
 A path she cannot possibly pursue ; 
 Nor fill her head with fine, fallacious schemes, 
 With grandeur's gorgeous and deceitful dreams- 
 Present no prospects to her wishful eyes 
 Which she can never hope to realize, 
 Thus make existence one continual strife^ 
 Agaiust the sad realities of life. 
 
 Though formerly, as Addison has written, 
 There were no women to be found in 
 But all were ladies y the Spectator said,
 
 89 
 
 " Though born in garrets, and in kitchens bred," 
 
 From Anne the Queen, who fill'd the throne of State, 
 
 To Moll, the quean enthron'd in Billingsgate ; (30) 
 
 Though this is freedom's highly favoured land, 
 
 Where all of course must have the upper hand 
 
 Where every female, past the age often, 
 
 Becomes a lady, pray what follows then ? 
 
 With all the plans, a Tom Paine could contrive, 
 
 Our body politick will never thrive, 
 
 Whate'er our July orators have said, 
 
 Unless its heels are lower than its head, 
 
 Let friends to anarchy new dogmas twist, 
 
 And still distinctions must and will exist. 
 
 To give a learn'd and polish'd education, 
 
 To one pre-destin'd to a menial station, 
 
 Is taking pains to teach a part in fact, 
 
 The pupil never can be call'd to act, 
 
 A part moreover, which must be forgot^ 
 
 To reconcile her to her humble lot. 
 
 Fine arts are useless to a country charmer. 
 
 The future help-mate of an hottest farmer, 
 8 *
 
 so 
 
 Graces, and airs, though ever so bewitching, 
 
 Little become the dairy and the kitchen 
 
 A Miss may chaunt a lullaby, quite prettily, 
 
 Without the aid of Signior Squeak, from Italy. 
 
 Yet some fond parents, with less brains than cash. 
 
 Wishing thair " dafters der" to cut a dash, [away T 
 
 Their hard-earn'd gains have worse than thrown 
 
 Teaching their sweet Jemimas to display 
 
 The half-accomplish'd, semi-genteel fool r 
 
 In Lady Hawbuck's country boarding school, 
 
 Where village maids are taught to write and read ill. 
 
 And plaia cloth to disfigure with a needle 
 
 To paint a thing, to make " the old ones" stare, 
 
 A pig, a puppj 7 bullock or a bear, 
 
 But which of these the artist would pourtray, 
 
 No mortal save a conjuror can say. 
 
 A little French is learn'd by rote perhaps, 
 
 Useful infilling conversation gaps, 
 
 And with a quantity of novel reading 
 
 Makes up a lady of prodigioiu breeding ! 
 
 Who, by herself, at least is look'd upon, 
 
 As quite .the tip-end of the topmost ton t
 
 91 
 
 With such accomplishments, and so much learning^ 
 
 Our finish'd lady cannot help discerning 
 
 Her parents are uncouth and countrified, 
 
 Whom educated people can't abide 
 
 Disdains to pay to vulgar folks so rude, 
 
 Pier debt of duty and of gratitude, 
 
 Such obligations she believes design'd 
 
 Merely for people of the lowest kind 
 
 Now execrates that pitiable lot, 
 
 Which dooms her talents to a country cot, 
 
 In fruitless plaints expectorates her spleen, 
 
 That so much beauty's " born to blush unseen," 
 
 And if some ensign, or recruiting sergeant, 
 
 Admires said beauty, and will take the charge on't, 
 
 She finds herself the next imprudent step, 
 
 A soldier's trull, or vagrant demi-rep. 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 Oh monstrous ! wouldst thou, with a Gothic hand 1 ? 
 Destroy our Ladies' schools throughout the land", 
 And plough their sites to raise potatoe-crops, 
 Or turn them into barns, or black-smith'* shops ?
 
 92 
 
 
 
 Such work of ruin would, beyond comparison, 
 Surpass the ravages of Hun or Saracen. 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 No Lady, but the world shall be my debtor, 
 For certain hints to regulate them better. 
 First let each teacher be well qualified 
 To be a female's guardian friend and guide, 
 When at a tender, inexperienc'd age, 
 She first comes forward on life's slippery stage 
 Next let the pupils' studies, occupations, 
 Be suited to their geniuses and stations 
 Be such as cannot fail in life's career, 
 To make them useful in their proper sphere* 
 " Honour and shame from no condition rise, 
 Act well your part there all the honour lies." 
 'Tis folly then for one to crack his head 
 Striving to hammer gold leaf out of lead, 
 Nor greater wisdom can' a teacher boast, 
 Who thinks to change a dowdy to a toast. 
 If one could alter Abigails and Nellies, 
 With three months' schooling into Cinderellas, 
 
 >
 
 93 
 
 The transformation doubtless, would undo them, 
 
 Unless they could find princes proud to woo them, 
 
 To set a lass, who should be taught to spin, 
 
 A daubing canvas is a glaring sin ; 
 
 And some embroiderers had much better le are 
 
 To twirl the distaff, and to dash the churn, 
 
 Than spend their time poor patch-work to produce., 
 
 Unfit for either ornament or use. 
 
 There is a class of flaring would-be beauties, 
 Who fain would rise above life's cares and duties, 
 With little minds and ordinary faces, 
 Would set themselves up goddesses and graces ; 
 But when gross bodies undertake to soar, 
 Their flighty efforts serve to sink them lower, 
 So half-way ladies finish their career 
 Beneath the level of their proper sphere, 
 And make themselves affected laughing stock?, 
 Like Jilsop's frog, who strove to ape the ox. 
 You cannot well teach optics to the blind, 
 Nor make Minervas where there's little mind,
 
 And spite of muslins, gauzes, and brocades, 
 Beauties, like poets must be born not made. 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 Ladies- Academies are well, perhaps, 
 As theatres in which to set our caps, 
 Serve as apdlogies beyond a doubt, 
 For what is call'd in London " coming outf 
 Misses, who lire at a secluded distance, 
 In solitude might while away existence, 
 Sans some excuse to shew their airs and face? 
 In country towns, and other publick places, 
 Where lovely Lauras may, perhaps be woo'd 
 By sighing Strephons of the neighborhood. 
 A nymph, though counterpart to beauty's queen, 
 Will rarely be admird if seldom seen. 
 We find no swains to roam our wildernesses, 
 In quest of Dryads and of Shepherdesses, 
 No Corydons to pipe by purling fountains, 
 Andchace coy Daphnes over venlant mountains.
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 Our Ladies schools then you would set apart. 
 And licence each a matrimonial mart, 
 Where sweetest seraphim, beneath the sun. 
 By merest mortals may be woo'd and won. 
 Still rustic Corydon, if not a fool, 
 Won't choose his Daphne from a boarding school, 
 For fear his /a%, when a farmer's wife^ 
 Should chance to long for what is call'd high life, 
 Be liable to fits of whims and fancies, 
 Which might prove mortal to her dear's finances. 
 
 Though public schools no doubt in certain cases. 
 For teaching fine arts, sciences and graces, 
 Are useful under certain regulations, 
 For pupils destin'd to the higher stations, 
 Some grave good authors, it must be confest, 
 Have thought a private education best ;(31) 
 Besides the seminaries of the kind, 
 To what is styl'd the better sor/confin'd. 
 May be the means of leaving channels dry. 
 Which should our common, village-schools supply.
 
 So 
 
 To mould the mental features of the fair 
 Is best entrusted to a mother's care, 
 Unless by nature, or bj education, 
 She lacks the requisites for such a station ; 
 Some female friend, in such unhappy case 
 Should be selected to supply her place, 
 But let no small degree of care attend, 
 The choice of such a confidential friend, 
 On whom a patent's dearest hopes depend. 
 
 Should you perceive by indications clear, 
 Your pupil born to grace a higher sphere, 
 Be doubly sedulous to train her mind, 
 To virtue, knowledge, and to taste refin'd. 
 From Edgworth's tales select each pleasing page.* 
 Adapted to the pupil's sex and age, 
 And as the intellect becomes mature, 
 To higher subjects her attention lure, 
 In the best British classics you may find 
 Much to enrich the treasury of mind, 
 Select their jewels and unite to those 
 Some cis-atlantic works in verse and prose,
 
 91 
 
 And cull from Dennie, Humphreys, Barlow, Dwight 
 
 And Livingstone, whatever may unite 
 
 Lessons of profit, prudence and delight. 
 
 The poets furnish much improper trash, 
 
 Not Macbeth's witches could have made a hash 
 
 More poisonous than the venom, which emlmes " 
 
 The works of many a noted British muse, 
 
 The " witty, dirty, patriotic Dean," 
 
 The kennels rak'd for similes unclean. 
 
 Much of the mirth of Prior's comic Muse 
 
 Seems calculated only for the stews. 
 
 Keen are his jests, tales laughable, but then, 
 
 Such tainted viands, season'd with cayenne, 
 
 Though food in which wild libertines delight 
 
 Can only suit a bestial appetite. 
 
 The mightiest masters of the British lyre, 
 
 Too oft have tamper'd with unhallow'd fire. 
 
 E'en Pope and Dry den, High Priests of the Nine, 
 
 Have bow'd to Baal, and sacrific'd to swine, 
 
 And literary scavengers think fit 
 
 To rake the kennels fof each scrap of wit,(32) 
 
 To which some loose and giddy hour gave birtb, 
 9
 
 98 
 
 To furnish food for Bacchanalian mirth. 
 
 Productions vile, whose origin we trace 
 
 To want of cash and greater want of grace, 
 
 Are thus brought forward with the highest claims 
 
 Beneath the sanction of the noblest names 
 
 Books manufactured of the grossest kind, 
 
 Which should be letter'd, " poison for the mmd"-r~ 
 
 And thus the authors' characters we blot 
 
 By lines, which, living, they had wish'd forgot, 
 
 And sentiments, which dying, conscience smitten, 
 
 They would have given worlds they had not written. 
 
 The lucid language and the dark designs 
 
 Of Moore's delusive fascinating lines, 
 
 Betray a much more deleterious drift, 
 
 Than e'en the coarsest images of Swift, 
 
 And, like the tales Monk-Lewis fabricated, 
 
 Are more seductive, and more calculated 
 
 For leading female innocence astray, 
 
 Than grossest ribaldry of Rabelais. 
 
 There are editions of the British bards, 
 Where decency has met its due regards,
 
 99 
 
 With not a word or sentiment retain'd 
 By which the soul of purity is pain'd, 
 And I could wish that only such as those 
 Might a young lady's library compose. (33) 
 
 Both sexes should in infancy be taught 
 To read no book, to entertain no thought, 
 Which, were they urg'd in publick to proclaim, 
 The cheek would mantle with the flush of shame, 
 Let them remember they can never fly 
 An omnipresent and omniscient eye, 
 No subterfuge, no secresy imparts 
 Exemption from the searches' of all hearts. 
 But there exists a prudery of mind, 
 A delicacy over much refin'd, 
 A modesty, which every touch can wound 
 Which shews its owner rather sore than sound, 
 That fabrick, which the slightest breeze can shock, 
 Is not a building founded on a rock. 
 Whene'er a perspicacity absurd, 
 Spies something wrong in every look and word,
 
 100 
 
 Takes great offence, with no offence design'd, 
 The fault that's found is in the finder's mind. 
 
 Geography and history should afford, 
 Their treasures to your pupil's mental hoard, 
 Treasures which conversation may produce, 
 And conduct turn to some some substantial use 
 Bid her adore the works of her creator, 
 As manifest in animated nature, 
 In rudiments of botany discern 
 Omniscient power, and all admiring turn, 
 With astronomic tube, God's works to trace 
 Through the high heaven's illimitable space, 
 Those boundless realms where countless planets rolh 
 And worlds on worlds form one stupendous whole. 
 
 Now introduce her to the sacred choir, 
 Of bards who sweep the consecrated lyre, 
 And bid her innocent infantile tongue 
 Repeat the strains of Milton, Watts and Young, 
 Which mortals teach the language of the skies, 
 And heav'n unfold to our enraptur'd eyes.
 
 101 
 
 Teach her to prize beyond all Ophir's gold 
 
 Truths which the bible only can unfold, 
 
 Disclose those mysteries of a future state, 
 
 Philosophy can ne'er investigate ; 
 
 In reason's dawn that sacred light display, 
 
 That emanation of eternal day, 
 
 Which, lacking erst, the best of heathen were 
 
 Children of darkness, pupils of despair. 
 
 Let the young mind its earliest efforts bend 
 
 To gain a heavenly, and Almighty Friend, 
 
 Whose smile that beatific beam displays, 
 
 Which makes the sunshine of our brightest days, 
 
 And smooths the bed of languishment and pain, 
 
 A sure support when earthly aid is vain. 
 
 Dress not religion in a garb of gloom 
 The hopes of happiness beyond the tomb, 
 This life's enjoyment never can decrease, 
 For true religion's paths are paths of peace, 
 
 Epistolary writing should comprise 
 
 Part of your pupil's mental exercise, 
 *
 
 102 
 
 Which teaches thoughts in " proper words" to dress, 
 
 Teaches to think as well as to express, 
 
 And often opens where we least expect, 
 
 What may be sty I'd a mine of intellect. 
 
 But too much time in composition, may 
 
 If prematurely spent, be thrown away ; 
 
 First let her gain materials fit for thought, 
 
 For nought but nothing is produced from nought, 
 
 The stale effusions of an empty head, 
 
 Are not worth writing and will scarce be read. 
 
 They make, whatever chance to be the theme, 
 
 The vapid whimsies of a waking dream, 
 
 The lawless offspring of imagination, 
 
 Which soils the paper and the reputation, 
 
 By meet instruction labour to insure 
 A style grammatical, and diction pure, 
 Mark and avoid provincial words and phrases,(34) 
 And shun those wildering metaphoric mazes, 
 Which merely serve the meaning to obscure, 
 And form a style inflated and impure. 
 To skill in figures, plain book-keeping join,
 
 103 
 
 And lead your pupil to Apollo's shrine, 
 
 Not to adore the idle heathen God, 
 
 Nor wait subservient on the Muses' nod, 
 
 But merely as a holiday resort, 
 
 To learn the language of the Delphic court. 
 
 A task in rhyming no\v and then, bestows 
 A sort of happiness in writing prose, 
 The poet, led to glance the language through, 
 Before his proper epithet's in view, 
 By due degrees insensibly is taught 
 What forms of speech best decorate a thought. 
 " Though few there are, who feel indeed the fire 
 The muse imparts, and can command the lyre, 
 Can sweep the strings with such a power, so loud, 
 The storm of music shakes th' astonish'd crowd,"* 
 Most may themselves, amuse perhaps their friends 
 By measur'd lines, which gingle at their ends. 
 Which though not quite to extacy refin'd, 
 May serve to strengthen and improve the mind. 
 
 *Cowper.
 
 104 
 
 Some other callings only claim a place, 
 Where liberal nature furnishes the base, 
 Musicians, painters, look to her for aid, 
 And like the poet must be " born not made," 
 Their arts essay'd with inauspicious stars, 
 You daub the canvas, the piano jars. 
 The portrait frowns, in lamentable tones, 
 The fiddle screams, the violoncello groans, 
 The voice presents as dissonant a note, 
 As ever broke from boding screech owl's throat, 
 Vengeance invoking on the violator 
 Of the immutable decrees of nature. 
 
 . 
 
 In fit amusements let some time be spent, 
 The bow is weaken'd that is ever bent, 
 The pupil's health should be the teacher's care, 
 Light food, due exercise, salubrious air, 
 Are means by which those blessings are combin'd, 
 A healthy body and a vigorous mind. 
 
 Too oft a powerful intellect is spoil'd, 
 By rash attempts to make a learned child,
 
 105 
 
 Precocious talents, urg'd to their display^ 
 Will " o'er inform this tenement of clay,'* 
 
 a 
 
 And tend at length to premature decay. 
 
 Weakness of body must at length be join'd, 
 
 By corresponding feebleness of mind. 
 
 Since the most precious hordes of mental vrealthj. 
 
 Furnish no recompense for loss f health, 
 
 The robust blockhead's happier, past a doubt, 
 
 Than Bayles orBentleys tortur'd with the gout.(35) 
 
 Let no example of a looser kind 
 Impart contagion to a youthful mind. 
 Children are censors, critical and shrewd, 
 By whom our conduct is minutely view'd, 
 They mark each action, treasure every word, 
 And what is wicked, whimsical, absurd, 
 Makes an impression which too late you find, 
 Deeply indented on the youthful mind. 
 
 Example is the most effective mode, 
 By which the pearls of wisdom are bestow'd,
 
 And 'twill be vain, with seraph-tongue to teachj 
 Unless you practice principles you teach. 
 
 Hold forth as models worthy imitation, 
 Illustrious females of each age and nation, 
 If blest with genius teach her mind to soar, 
 To Tie with Edgworth, Burney, Adams, More,, 
 A poet's fancy, you may bid it glow, 
 Kindled to rapture at the shrine of Rowe. 
 But if their talents are denied by fate, 
 Their virtues surely she may emulate. 
 
 Let the associates of her early youth 
 Be known for virtue, modesty, and truth, 
 And no pert belles, nor misses over-smart, 
 Corrupt her morals, and deprave her heart, 
 Domestics choose, if possible, alone 
 From those whose characters are fully known ; 
 Whose converse and examples may impart, 
 Nought which can soil that purity of heart, 
 Which once destroy'd, adieu to every grace, 
 Wit, wealth, and science cannot fill its place,
 
 107 
 
 And all the Cyprian goddess can confer, 
 Is but the painting of the sepulchre. 
 In reason's dawning, teach her to despise 
 The shuffling wile, and subterfuge of lies, 
 And let confession commonly attone, 
 For faults to which her infancy is prone, 
 Unless you find that malice in th' intent, 
 Which calls imperiously for punishment, 
 
 However high the station of the fair, 
 Hewever promising her prospects are, 
 Still let it be your study to impart, 
 A knowledge of each necessary art, 
 By which she may, should adverse fortune lower, 
 Defy gaunt poverty's distressing power, 
 She should be taught, betimes to overlook, 
 With skilful eye the dairy maid and cook, 
 And every duty, care, and occupation, 
 That is incumbent on a house-wife's station 
 What time, and toil, and method it would ask 
 To properly complete each household task 
 Should know, while tracing hr domestic round,
 
 168 
 
 What servants worthy, and what worthless found, 
 
 Industrious, indolent, or indiscreet, 
 
 Her censure, merit, or applause should meet. 
 
 Still let some faithful monitorial eye, 
 As far as possible be ever nigh, 
 To watch your pupil's every sportive hour, 
 And counteract each subtle tempter's power. 
 If children may, the moment out of school 
 Throw off restraints of discipline and rule, 
 Escap'd their parents, and their teacher's view, 
 Join with some thoughtless and abandon'd crew, 
 'Tis to be feard your efforts will he vain, 
 To find an antidote to such a bane, 
 Nor can the hours, devoted to instruction, 
 Obliterate the stains of their seduction. 
 
 > 
 
 But while the rising generation are 
 
 % 
 Objects of tender, and judicious care 
 
 From such attentions cautiously refrain 
 As serve to make them volatile and vain, 
 Full many a garrulous and giddy child
 
 109 
 
 Pond flattering fools have sedulously spoil'd, 
 And turn'd them o'er to vanity's dominion, 
 Great personages in their own opinion, 
 Whose talents give a licence to dispense, 
 With prudence, decency and common sense 
 Lead them to count economy a hoax, 
 A sor'did virtue made for vulgar folks, 
 While they, forsooth, to that high class belong, 
 Who claim a patent right for doing wrong-. 
 Thus great displays of genius oft portend 
 A wretched life, and sad untimely end. 
 
 Some spend their days in one perpetual pet, 
 It seems their maxim, " man was made to fret," 
 But finding fault with accidents and trifles, 
 All claims to reverence and affection stifles. 
 
 'Tis to be wish'd that Misses might escape 
 From being press'd and pinion'd into shape, 
 Like wax-work models moulded so precise, 
 That every limb seems fasten'd in a vice, 
 While every feature f their made vp faces,
 
 Shews affectation mimicking the grace?, 
 And every look coerc'd by awkward art, 
 Puts on expressions foreign from the heart. 
 "Tis hop'd indeed that simple nature may, 
 In simple matters sometimes have her way, 
 But then 'tis fear'd this never will take place 
 With what is calPd your fashionable race ; 
 And parents, will, humanity is such, 
 Govern too little, or restrain too much. 
 Fools will be simpletons, when all is said,. 
 And brains be lacking in an empty head, 
 Your fashioB-mongers therefore will go on, 
 To torture tippies, destin'd for the ton, 
 Inflict more pain than savages would bribe, 
 To make them leaders of an Indian tribe. (36) 
 
 NAUC1SSA. 
 
 In your capacity of Ladies' Friend, 
 Pray what amusements would you recommend, 
 And with official dignity declare, 
 The fittest pastimes for the youthful fair ?
 
 Ill 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 In all diversions carefully unite 
 Pleasure with profit, learning with delight, 
 And when the mind is suffer'd to unbend, 
 Still let instruction with amusement blend. 
 The ingenious teacher, doubtless may devise 
 Some pleasing labour, useful exercise, 
 In which th' essential requisites are join'd, 
 Which brace the body and improve the mind. (37) 
 
 Dancing, perhaps, with proper regulations, 
 May find a place among your recreations, 
 Though genteel people doubtless may be found, 
 Who ne'er were taught to tread the mazy round, 
 A ball-room seems the fittest of all places, 
 For exhibitions of the loves and graces 
 The vestibule which leads to Hymen's fane, 
 Where blameless beauty's fascinating train, 
 Those ties may twine, which bind our hearts &, hands 
 In holy wedlock's consecrated bands. 
 In dancing too, perhaps with Fancy's aid, 
 I've ever seen much character display 'd ;
 
 112 
 
 Each child of mirth, who trips fantastic rounds, 
 In due accordance with harmonic sounds, 
 To me appears to give aa exhibition, 
 By which the temper, views, and disposition, 
 .And cast of mind are more precisely shewn, 
 Than by the rules, Lavater has made known, 
 Thus Homer's beauty look'd indeed the queen, 
 But by her movements was the goddess seen, 
 
 Dancing, 'tis said, may lead tp dissipation, 
 The bosom fire with dangerous emulation, 
 Passions excite, like those which were displayed, 
 By rival goddesses in Ida's shade 
 That such preposterous, profitless parading-. 
 Tends to connexions dangerous, and degrading 
 That ladies oft, their graces to display, 
 3 lave rigadoon'd their hands and hearts away 
 To men of minuets, congees, jigs and reels, 
 Whose mind's head-quarters seem to be their heels 
 That witching waltzes, with a wanton whirl, 
 The prudence prostrate of a giddy girl, 
 And give to passion such resistless force
 
 113 
 
 That honour's but a feather in its course 
 
 That scarce the sword, which guarded Eden's wall, 
 
 Such freedoms granted, could prevent her fall : 
 
 True every talent, grace, accomplishment, 
 
 May be perverted to a base intent, 
 
 Wit, wealth and beauty lead to many a snare, 
 
 Yet who would not be witty, wealthy, fair ?(38) 
 
 Though dancing i by some esteem'd a crime, 
 In every nation, and in every clime, 
 It has been practis'd since the world began, 
 
 And has the sanction of the wisest man. 
 
 / 
 
 But vanity oft prematurely calls, 
 Her titman-votaries to your baby-balls, 
 Where tiny belles, and Lilliputiaa beaux, 
 Like wooden images at puppet shows, 
 Strut round the hall with counterfeit gentility. 
 And port sublime as Brobdignag nobility : 
 Little the pigmies, or their parents think, 
 While sporting thus on dissipation's brink, 
 
 That hot bed flowers of premature display, 
 10 *
 
 114 
 
 Are always sickly, always soon decay .; 
 
 That such untimety junketing, in truth 
 Will prove a canker in the hud of youth, 
 And sad experience shew, in riper years, 
 Seeds sown in revelry are reap'd in tears. (39) 
 
 Cards we allow are not without their uses, 
 Though liable to infinite abuses, 
 In gamblers' hands are plagues of worse description 
 Than those which curs'd the obstinate Egyptian. 
 The tempting toys, the tiny thieves of time, 
 Merit queen Margaret's menaces sublime, (40) 
 In every pack I see, or seem to see 
 A mickle magazine of misery 
 A poison'd fountain, whence incessant fiotr 
 
 ; 
 
 The streams of want, of wickedness and wo: 
 Of all the arts, by pleasure's imps designed, 
 T' amuse an indolent and vacant mind, 
 None vie with cards in ruinous control, 
 Fatal alike to body and to soul. 
 At one " fell swoop," they oft annihilate 
 Time, talents, reputation, health, estate ; 
 I
 
 115 
 
 Wives, children, friends all that in life is prlz'd. 
 And life itself to cards are sacrific'd ; 
 Although their votaries suffer pain severe, 
 Stretched on the rack of hope, suspense, and fear, 
 Round hazard's shrine, how eagerly they press, 
 To woo misfortune, and to court distress ! 
 Conscious, amid the dreadful risks they run, 
 They must undo, or they must be undone, 
 Each wears the visage of a sans culotte, 
 Holding a dagger to his neighbour's throat ! 
 Each breast becomes the seat of passions dire, 
 Like those, which doom their victims to the fire, 
 When savages infernal offerings make, 
 Of captives writhing round a burning stake. 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 But cards may serve some purpose to amuse, 
 When not devoted to the gambler's views, 
 And one must learn to shuffle, cut and deal, 
 Or be accounted monstrous ungenteel.
 
 116 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 But here again as murderers of time, 
 The culprits stand pre-eminent in crime. 
 Whoso, by satan's counsel and assistance, 
 Robs me of time, deprives me of existence, 
 ("Pis plain as proof from holy writ to me,) 
 And is a murderer in the first degree. 
 Cards then as truly act the felon's part, 
 As if they pierc'd their victims through the heart, 
 And each malicious maculated elf 
 Has kiWd off" more than Buonaparte himself. 
 
 Scarce less malignity the imps disclose, 
 As female beauty's most inveterate foes, 
 Nature in vain, may lavish gifts and graces 3 
 To finest figures add the fairest faces, 
 If gambling vigils are allow'd to blight, 
 And sink the seraph to the fiend and fright. 
 
 'Tis said indeed among Columbian fair, 
 A lady-gambler is extremely rare, 
 Yet our prescription may perhaps insure
 
 117 
 / 
 
 Ag aiast a malady so hard to cure. 
 
 Then lest our dashing belles seould ape the stjle 
 
 Of Fashion's devotees in Britain's isle, 
 
 We now proceed to publish our decree, 
 
 Binding on all of high or low degree ; 
 
 Cards from henceforth, in due abhorrence held 
 
 From genteel circles are hereby expell'd ; 
 
 But then their use is graciously allow'd 
 
 To rich or poor, who form the vulgar crowd, 
 
 Whose want of taste and emptiness of mind, 
 
 Forbid them pastimes of a nobler kind 
 
 Thieves, tavern-haunters, bullies, prostitutes, 
 
 (To keep such gentry out of worse pursuits) 
 
 The juggling- shownian, and the idle rover, 
 
 The swaggering tar that's more than half-seas over y 
 
 In taking dissipation's last degrees, 
 
 May play at cut-throat, when and where they please: 
 
 Decay'd coquettes, old rakes confm'd with gout, 
 
 Who can't well bear the load of life without, 
 
 Are granted cards, or some such kind of fooling, 
 
 To cheat the time with, while their gruel's, cooling,
 
 118 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 'Tis hop'd, dread sir, that your reforming rage, 
 May be induc'd to tolerate the stage, 
 And that your pupils, having learn'd to darn well. 
 May sometimes grace the tragedy of Barnwell. 
 You would not hide the intellectual rays, 
 Which emanate from some of Shakespeare's plays, 
 Nor place a rough, exterminating hand 
 On those of Addison and Cumberland, 
 And other play-wrights, some of whom I'm sure 
 In style sublimely, elegant and pure, 
 Inculcate lessons of a moral kind, 
 T' instruct, amuse and elevate the mind. 
 If so, your zeal, so over orthodox, 
 Might rank you with the worshipful John Kuox, 
 Who thought a picture wickeder by half, 
 Than Achan's thing accurs'd, or Aaron's calf. 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 Of all amusements, in an age like ours, 
 None boast of stronger fascinating powers, 
 Or have more influence on the public mind,
 
 119 
 
 Than those which hold the mirror to mankind 
 Give Panoramic views of human nature, 
 As drawn by some expert delineator, 
 But oft the hair-brain'd histrionic muse, 
 Gives vice those gaudy aad alluring hues, 
 Whose splendor dazzles only to betray, 
 And lead admiring innocence astray 
 Atrocious ends by more atrocious means, 
 Exhibited in bold voluptuous scenes, 
 Destroy the moral sense, the soul embrute, 
 And form full many a mental prostitute, 
 Where honour's barriers may as yet prevail, 
 The fair to guard within decorum's pale. 
 When pimps of passion make it all their aim, 
 To stimulate desire and stifle shame, 
 Their pupils fall, for what is there to hinder, 
 Since any spark can fire a bit of tinder ? 
 Temptation adequate to such a case, 
 Is never wanting to complete disgrace, 
 And many a wretch, in wickedness that gro vels, 
 Destruction drew from theatres and novels, 
 The theatre, however, may be made
 
 120 
 
 A school of morals, virtue's fairest aid, 
 And should that happen we will not refuse 
 Our acclamations to the sceoic muse. 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 Novels, no doubt, to meet your worship's aims, 
 En masse must be devoted to the flames. 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 In spite of all that moralists have said, 
 Novels have always, always will be read, 
 And always may, with my assenting voice, 
 At proper times, and with a proper choice, 
 Tales, fables, jest-books, anecdotes, romances, 
 With Milton's Comus, Shakespeare's fairj'-fancies, 
 And apologues, where truth is veil'd in fiction 
 May be permitted under due restriction j 
 But these, and other writings of the kind, 
 Are merely tarts and sweet-meats of the mind, 
 Requiring caution, lest in time they should 
 Be substitutes for more substantial food, 
 And all that is not vicious, vain, or light
 
 121 
 
 Should pall upon the mental appetite 
 
 The odd adventures, strange, romantic scenes. 
 
 Miraculous ends, by more miraculous means, 
 
 Bustle and bluster, incident, intrigue, 
 
 Man's noblest attributes, join'd in a league 
 
 With all that's vengeful, yenomousand vile, 
 
 Sketch'd in gaudy, meretricious style, 
 
 Of sounding periphrases, sans pretence, 
 
 To perspicuity or common sense, 
 
 Which modern novels commonly embrace, 
 
 Where nought correct or natural has a place, 
 
 Have given the reading world a worthless waste, 
 
 To taint its morals, and corrupt its taste. 
 
 Some novel-writers take especial pride, 
 In painting human nature's darkest side ; 
 They gloss with colours, delicate, and nice. 
 The horrid features of the monster, vice, 
 And give the hag such artificial charms, 
 As serve to lure th' unwary to her arms 
 They place a halo round the devil's head, 
 
 And hide the cloven foot wiiwh mortals dreacf, 
 11
 
 122 
 
 Shed o'er the fiend a counterfeited grace, 
 
 Then lead their readers to his dire embrace. 
 
 This class of writers with pernicious aim, 
 
 Give crime the sanction of some specious name, 
 
 The duellist they place in honour's van, 
 
 The vile seducer is a gallant man, 
 
 A man of honour to*, beyond compare, 
 
 Save little falsehoods to deceive the fair ; 
 
 Which, say these writers, few consider blots 
 
 On young men's characters, but rather spots, 
 
 Somewhat like those,which fashien sometimes places 
 
 By way of ornament on pretty faces 
 
 That, petty treacheries, and puny.Hes, 
 
 Your men of gallantry and fashion prize, 
 
 As merely things of course, which are 
 
 To be employ'd in every love affair ; 
 
 Scarce worthy reprehension, though they doom 
 
 Confiding beauty to an early tomb, 
 
 And stigmatize, with undeserv'd disgrace, 
 
 The innocent survivors of her race ! 
 
 Such is the burthen of full many a tale, 
 
 Form'd on your modern fashionable scale,
 
 Couch'd in a style that either struts or grovels, 
 
 Thro* more than nine tenths of our common novels. 
 
 Such things, the scandal of the British press, 
 
 Our yankey chapmen always buy by guess, 
 
 Because forsooth, your London literature 
 
 Must be instructive, elegant, and pure 
 
 Because, Americans, weVe all agreed in, 
 
 Have never written what was worth a reading i 
 
 So very villanous such writings are, 
 
 That one is almost tempted to declare, 
 
 Had certain novels, common nowadays, 
 
 SharM with their authors in a common blaze. 
 
 Ere 'twas presum'd their trash to circulate, 
 
 Humanity would scarce lament their fate, 
 
 And justice would pronounce their doom design'd 
 
 To be an act of mercy to mankind. 
 
 But there are novels of another class 
 
 Which form exceptions to the general mass, 
 
 By whose perusal we at once may sec, 
 
 Both what man is, and what he ought to be, 
 
 Where pleasing means pursue an upright end, 
 
 Which may our manners, and our morals mend.
 
 Penmen inspir'd hare oftentimes seen fit 
 To give us novels e'en in holy writ ; 
 The apologue of Job appears designM 
 To be a novel of the sacred kind, 
 And in th' Evangelists are novels found, 
 Which in the shape of parables abound.(41) 
 
 NARCISSA. 
 
 By shrewd observers, I have heard it said, 
 Learning should never pose a woman's head, 
 (Which if 'tis handsome, is not much the worse, 
 For being empty as a poet's purse,) 
 Whose wealth and beauty sanction higher aims., 
 Than those of village-school instructing dames- 
 Nature, they say, the sterner sex desiga'd, 
 Th' exclusive empire over realms of mind, 
 And ladies by their literary flights, 
 Invade your province, and usurp your rights, 
 Knowledge, to us, is fruit which is forbidden, 
 As absolutely as it was in Eden ; 
 Of course all books are useless to the fair, 
 Saving the bible and the book of prayer
 
 125 
 
 That many a fair experiment has shewn, 
 That we had best let literature alone 
 That ladies listed in the Muses' train, 
 Have ever prov'd insufferably vain, 
 And are in fact but little better than 
 The silly thing you style a lady's man 
 That none should dare fleet Pegasus to ride, 
 But those who manfully can set astride, 
 And drive him with the majesty and sleight, 
 Of Phoebus managing his steeds of light. 
 
 i 
 
 Books too, they tell us cause an aivkward air, 
 And give the countenance a cast of care, 
 Which frightens suitors, most of whom we find, 
 Dread every symptom of superior mind, 
 A gallant of the fashionable cut, 
 Fears to become of ridicule the butt, 
 If he should wed a literary wife, 
 More than his match in intellectual strife, 
 And trembles lest, perchance, her mental store., 
 By contrast shew his emptiness the more 
 
 Tlaat learning proves an injury beside, 
 11 *
 
 1S8 
 
 By giving rise to that pedantic pride, 
 Which is so oft disgustingly display'd 
 In pompous phrases quoted for parade, 
 Words, which although sonorous and sublime, 
 Yet us'd without regard to place or lime, 
 To men of science and of sense appear, 
 Like jewels pendant from an JEthiop's ear. 
 
 They say a miss had better learn the arts 
 Of making puddings, pickles, pies and tarts, 
 Than store her intellects with useless knowledge, 
 The musty lore and lumber of a college 
 In short a female's learning is complete, 
 When she can guess and spell a cook's receipt. 
 
 MENTOR. 
 
 The best of gifts, we know may be abus'd, 
 The light of heaven is frequently misus'd, 
 And sight the noblest of our senses may, 
 Through optical illusions lead astray ; 
 Eyes are too useful, ne'ertheless, no doubt, 
 For sound philosophy to pluck them out,
 
 -127 
 
 And 'twould bs bold impiety to say 
 
 Blot out the sun, exterminate the day, 
 
 And every " lesser light" that ever glow'd, 
 
 To light the thief or robber on his road. 
 
 And that harsh doctrine is as far from right, 
 
 Which robs one half our race of mental light, 
 
 For fear some partially pernicious thing, 
 
 From universal benefit should spring. 
 
 Sure then your sex may spend their leisure hours, 
 
 In cultivating intellectual flowers, 
 
 Which in full of bloom and fragrance will remain, 
 
 When youth is fled and beauty in its wane. 
 
 A woman may in literature delight, 
 And not become a slattern or a fright, 
 Few in this land of liberty are found, 
 Condemn'd to toil in such unceasing round, 
 But books may save from suffering more or Iess 4 
 " The pains and penalties of idleness," 
 Learning, tis said, in woman is allied 
 With arrant airs of pedantry and pride, 
 But let it be ai common as the air,
 
 128 
 
 Let all the sex its privileges share, 
 
 IB other words let all have education! 
 
 Adapted to their geniuses and stations, 
 
 And sure BO individual will be proud, 
 
 Of what she holds joint tenant with the crowd. 
 
 One might possess of cash as great a store, 
 
 As care-worn miser ever counted o'er, 
 
 And not be telling it one half his time, 
 
 Nor treat his friends forever with its chime ; 
 
 And past a doubt a well-read lady may 
 
 Not keep her learning merely for display, 
 
 Nor urg'd by female vanity, disclose 
 
 To every body every thing she knows ; 
 
 Nay, if she's gifted with a grain of sense, 
 
 She'll shew no learning where it gives offence, 
 
 Her mental store will sedulously hide, 
 
 When e'er its exhibition looks like pride 
 
 Will not talk latin to a petit maitre, 
 
 Unless she means the simpleton should hate her, 
 
 But if the dread of her superior mind 
 
 Should frighten suitors of the coxcofl*b-kind, 
 
 That happy circumstance may save the trouble
 
 129 
 
 Of being tantaliz'd by many a bubble, 
 And useful prove, ia dealing with the creatures? 
 As nets of gauze for keeping off muske toes. 
 
 Like seeks its likeness, block-heads marry fools, 
 (For that I take it's one of .Hymen'* rules.) 
 Let silly fops their gallantry address 
 To nymphs, (if possible) who know still lew, 
 For if a flirt should wed a lady's man, 
 They may be happy as such creatures can, 
 But sure no pair can happiness expect 
 Where there's no parity of intellect. 
 
 If woman's power of mind should be applied 
 To useful subjects, and to dignified, 
 Not thrown away on objects light and vain, 
 The foolish whims of fashion's giddy train, 
 The chances for improvement must be greater 
 In arts which meliorate our common nature. 
 Give woman knowledge, and the frivolous race 
 Of fops would meet with merited disgrace, 
 
 woman science, mole-eyed ignorance then
 
 130 
 
 Must consort with the savage in his den, 
 
 Pert macaronies find their race is run, 
 
 And plants of genius thrive in beauty's sun.(42) 
 
 Books give a social intercourse with sages, 
 Who hare adorn'd all nations and all ages, 
 Confer the power without a sail unfurl'd, 
 To pass with Cook or Anson round the world, 
 O'er Afric'* sands to wend no weary way, 
 View the wreck'd ship, nor feel the ocean's spray. 
 Attend the poet's most adventurous flight, 
 Unwind with Newton filaments of light ; 
 Aided by books we " we mount where science guidefe 
 To measure earth, weigh air, and state the tides, 
 Survey the world, behold the chain of love, 
 Combining all below with a'll above," 
 And trace the path, by saints and sages trod, 
 Which kads " through nature up to nature's God." 
 
 Sure that decree can merit no regard, 
 By which the fairer sex would be deJbarr'd, 
 Such blameless luxuries of literature.
 
 131 
 
 Pleasures so elegant, delights so pure. 
 So profitable and scarce less intense, 
 Than those most exquisite of common sense 
 Pleasures by which a prelibation's given, 
 Of unalloy'd felicity in heaven. 
 
 But see the Sun his parting lustre sheds, 
 And night her mantle o'er the landscape spreads ; 
 Let us through verdant labyrinths retrace 
 The paths which lead to this delightful place, 
 Lest our companions should believe us strays, 
 Lost in the windings of the woodland maze.
 
 NOTES. 
 
 KOTE 1. PAGE 15. 
 
 VOLXEY, a famous French writer, thought it 
 very practicable te form a theory ol'windj*, by which 
 atmospherical currents ould be prognosticated 
 by philosophers, with as much precision, as the 
 times of high and low water, by Almanack-mak 
 ers. Dr. Darwin seems likewise to Lave embraced 
 similar ideas, which are alluded to by the author 
 of the " Pursuits of Literature^' who says that he 
 
 " Could give with Darwin, te the hectic kind, 
 
 Receipts in verse to shift the north-east wind," 
 12
 
 134 
 
 and observe* that " Dr. Darwin, 'A", appears by a 
 long; and pleasant note, in his "Loves of the 
 Plants^' thinks it very feasible to manage the winds 
 at his pleasure by a little philosophy/' 
 
 NOTE 2. Page 19. 
 
 Ledyard was aa American by birth and made 
 himself eminent by his travels in wild and unhospi- 
 tablc countries. Although his " Eulogy on Wom 
 an" has been frequently published, perhaps, it ought 
 not to be omitted in a work devoted principally to 
 the service cf the sex. 
 
 "Ihave always remarked that women in all 
 countries are civil, obliging, tender and humane ; 
 that they are ever inclined to be gay and cheerful, 
 timorous and modest ; and that they do not hesitate, 
 like men, to perform a generous action. Not 
 haughty, arrogant, nor supercilious, they are all 
 full of courtesy, and fond of society ; more liable in 
 general to err than men, but generally more virtu 
 ous, and performing more meritorious actions. To 
 a woman, whether civilized or savage, I never ad-
 
 135 
 
 eressed myself in the language of decorum and 
 friendship without receiving- a decent and friendly 
 answer with men it has been otherwise. 
 
 In wandering over the barren plains of inhospi 
 table Denmark, honest Sweden, and frozen Lap 
 land, and rude and churlish Finland, unprincipled 
 Russia, and the wide spreading- regions of the wan 
 dering Tartars if hungry, dry, cold, wet or sick, 
 the women have been universally friendly to me : 
 and this virfue so vorthy the appellation of benev 
 olence these actions have bso-n performed in KW 
 free and so ki^.tia manner, (hat if I was dry I drank 
 the sweetest draught, and if hungry I eat the cc^u-, 
 est morsel with a double relish." 
 
 % 
 
 NOTE 3. PAGE 19. 
 
 It would transcend the limits of this work, t& 
 mention many particular instances of the successful 
 exertiens of French women, to allay the ferocity of 
 the savages, who were the principal actors in the 
 horrid scenes of the French revolution. They 
 abound in every history of thai period, and were
 
 136 
 
 most honourably conspicuous in the civil wars of 
 La Vendee. I cannot, however, omit one instance 
 which proves that the most flinty and ferocious bos 
 oms are not always callous to the appeals of hu 
 manity, when urged by a female advocate. 
 
 ' ; Among the small number of prisoners who 
 tvere paved from the swords of the assassins, on the 
 bloody second f September 1792, was M. Cazotte, 
 a man of seventy four years of ago, formerly Cora- 
 mjsiioaer-Gereral of the Marine, but who had for 
 several yeurs "lived is. retirement al hU vilbge near 
 Kpernay. 
 
 4/1 This old cemleir.p.n ha.l been arrested a>t Iris 
 hc^se in the country, an:' brought to the prison of 
 the Abbaye, in cecequenco of letter? written by 
 him and found among the papers of a M. Pouteau, 
 Secretary to M. de la Porte ; from which it appear 
 ed that I*e was in correspondence with the emi 
 grants : that he advUed the king to e-scajte from 
 Varib, and had transmitted a plan for that purpose ; 
 that he had also advised the dissolution of the Na 
 tional Assembly : for these, and other parfs oflm
 
 137 
 
 conduct, to the same tendency, he was detained in 
 the Abbaye, in expectation of a legal trial 
 
 " But on the second of September, when deter 
 mined murderers made a mockery of the forms of 
 law, and chosen assassins seized the sword of Jus 
 tice ; when the prisoner was surrounded at his trial 
 by pikes smoking from recent slaughter, and with 
 in hearing of the screams of those who had just 
 been dragged from the bar where he stood : on that 
 dreadful day, M. Cazotte was brought before the 
 horrid tribunal within the prison. Several prison 
 ers had already been carried there none had sur 
 vived their short examination above two minutes ! 
 A sign from the pretended Judge, or an equivocal 
 word, was the fatal sentence, and the blow of death 
 followed as the prisoner was led from the bar. 
 
 *' When M. Cazotte appeared the list of names 
 were examined by these inquisitors, no mark of fav 
 our was seen at his the signal of death was given, 
 and he was led out to slaughter ! But, before he re 
 ceived the stroke of death, his daughter, a beanti- 
 
 ful young lady of seventeen, sprung upon her fath- 
 
 12 *
 
 138 
 
 *r"s neck, exclaiming in a transport of terror and 
 filial affection, Mercy ! mercy ! O, mercy ! my 
 father I my father ! 
 
 ' The grey hairs of the old man, the affecting ap 
 pearance and exclamations of theyoung lady, arrested 
 (he arms of the assassins and melted the hearts of 
 the people ! The cries of grage ! grace ! and Vive 
 la Nation were heard. The old gentleman and his 
 daughter were conducted in safety to the house of 
 a friend, amidst the applause of the multitude ! 
 . " This admirable young woman had never sep 
 arated from her fathor, overcoming her horror for 
 a prison crowded with men ; surmounting her ter 
 ror, her delicacy, and every consideration which 
 could render tfre situation repugnant to her mind ; 
 filial love, and a strong sense of duty, enabled her 
 to attend him during his confinement in the Ablaye, 
 and to administer every comfort arid consolation is. 
 tcr power.
 
 Nt)TE4. PAGE 19. 
 
 The defence of Saragossa, a city in Spain, against 
 the French invaders, was one of the most desper 
 ate recorded history. The women signalized them- 
 
 A 
 
 selves in a most remarkable manntr, and many of 
 
 them were killed upon the ramparts, while exhib 
 iting glorious proofs of active valour, and daring* 
 patriotism. 
 
 NOTE 5. PAGE 20. 
 
 In a war between the Romans and the Sabines, 
 the wives of the former, who were of Sabine ori-< 
 gin and had been carried away by force from * 
 public festival, intervened between the combatants 
 and by their tears and entreaties persuaded the tw 
 hostile nations to unite and become one people. 
 
 NOTE6v PAGE 21. 
 
 Coriolanus, a noble Roman having been banished 
 by his countrymen, was bent upon revenge and 
 joining with Volsci, who were enemies of the Rom* 
 ajis, took many of their towns and encamped within
 
 five miles of the city of Rome itself. The people 
 now saw their errer, and a deputation being sent to 
 treat with him, he received them with haughtiness 
 and refused to give them any hopes of a reconcilia 
 tion. To a second and third message of the same 
 kind he shewed himself inexorable. At length 
 his mother, wife and children came out to plead 
 *heir country's cause. To their entreaties he at 
 length yielded. Raising his venerable parent from 
 the ground, he exclaimed, '^-You have saved Rome, 
 my mother, but you have destroyed your son." He 
 returned to his tent, and soon after took measures 
 for a retreat. 
 
 NOTE 7. PAGE 22. 
 
 Bear with me then, if lawful, what I ask, 
 Love not the heav'nly spirits, and how their love, 
 Express they by looks only, or do they mix 
 Irradiance, virtual or immediate truth ? 
 
 To whom the angel, with a smile that glowed 
 Celestial rosy red, love's proper hue, 
 Aiwiver'd : Let it suffice thfce that tkm know't
 
 HI 
 
 U happy, and without love no happiness. 
 Whatever pure thou in the body enjoy'st, 
 (And pure thou wert created) we enjoy 
 In eminence, and obstacle find none, 
 Ol membrane, joint or limb, exclusive bars : 
 Easier than air with air, if spirits embrace, 
 Total they mix, union of pure with pure, 
 Desiring; no restrained conveyance need, 
 As flesh te mix with flesh or soul with souli 
 
 Paradise Lost. 
 
 NOTE 8. PAGE 23. 
 
 Helen, a beautiful and accomplished woman, was 
 the cause of a war betweenGreece and Troy or Ilion, 
 which terminated in the destruction of the latter. 
 Thais, a courtezan, during a debauch, instigated 
 Alexander the. Great to set* fire to Persepolis, a city 
 in Persia, 
 
 NOTE 9. PAGE 23. 
 
 In the midst of the famous battle of Actium? be 
 tween Antony and Octavius, Cleopatra, queeo of
 
 142 
 
 Egypt, mistress to Antony fled, and her gallant had 
 the weakness to follow her. He thus overwhelm 
 ed his character with perpetual ignominy, and lost 
 his chance for the Empire of the world, which de 
 pended on the issue of the combat. 
 
 NOTE 10. PAGE 26. 
 
 For like the angel*, lapsed from native skies, 
 Woman oncefaVn again can never rise, 
 Her only solace must be found in heaven^ 
 On earth her fault -will never be forgiven. 
 
 "But, it may be asked, will not penitence recsind 
 
 the severe interdict which bars the doors of socie* 
 
 \ 
 
 ty against female frailty ? Most unquestionably, 
 o far as friendship or kindred are concerned. A 
 rery able instructress, J of our sex has determined, 
 that true penitence will not wish to exceed those 
 bounds, or to mix in the crowded haunts of public 
 life. Nor let a decision be censured for severity, 
 which is really the dictate of mercy, sanctioned by 
 
 $See Mrs. More 1 * Essays, and Strictures on Edncatioi},
 
 143 
 
 a thorough knowledge of the human heart, and pro. 
 ceeding from lively sympathy for these who, though 
 uo longer offending continue to be unfortunate. 
 When the soul is really awakened to a sense of iti... 
 backsliding?, when it feels the reproofs of con 
 science and the shame of contrition, it will natur 
 ally shrink from returning to those scenes which it 
 knows are dangerous to reputation and peace. Con 
 vinced of her own weakness, afraid to f rust her 
 scarcely confirmed resolutions, and concluding by 
 the publicity of her story, that all who see her will 
 look upon her with contempt, reproach or pity, 
 the true Magdalene wishes alike to avoid the haz 
 ard of falling into new transgressions and the con 
 tumely attending the past. She is deafer than aa 
 adder to the syren strains of adulation f she knows 
 too well the " ills that spring from beauty ;" splen 
 dor has lost its attractions ; she cannot derive 
 amusements from crowds, because she can no lon 
 ger mingle in them without feeling a sense of de 
 gradation. She considers too, that if she should 
 again aspire to fashionable celebrity, hers would
 
 M4 
 
 e an uphill task ; every eye would be fixed upoa 
 her conduct ; every tongue inclined to question the 
 sincerity of her profession; what would be thought 
 mere vivacity in unsuspected innocence, wauld in 
 her be levity ; and marked reserve would be con 
 strued into a prudish vizard throwa over the worst 
 designs. Her whispers would be supposed to con 
 vey assignations, her reproofs would be called the 
 splenetic dictates of jealousy. Besides, can she who 
 has so weighty a task to perfom aflbrd to trifle away 
 the important hours ? Turn thee,back*liding daugh 
 ter, turn to the cool sequestered vale of life, and 
 thy troubled day may yet have a happy close. Ration 
 al amasement,renovated esteem,friend?hip, content- 
 meat, tranquillity, and religious hope, may still be 
 all thine own. 
 
 u It is not, therefore, the harsh decree of outm- 
 geons virtue, but the mild counsels of kindness and 
 sympathy, that determines the preservation of these 
 distinctions which custom has long preserved be 
 tween unsuspected and forfeited characters. And 
 if those in whose favour these barriers might
 
 14o 
 
 be broken down with safety, are too ^vell con- 
 rinced of their expedience to require their abo 
 lition, let us determine to defend the privileges of in 
 nocence from the pertinacious attacks of impudence 
 end hardened depravity. The increasing facility 
 of intercourse between the most profligate and the 
 most irreproachable women, which is a marked and 
 peculiar feature of these times, threatens more than 
 our manners. The transition is very easy, and 
 generally very rapid from unrestrained freedom of 
 behaviour to unrestrained freedom of conduct ; 
 and especially when the mind has not been deep 
 ly imbued with religious truths, in which case 
 the opinion of the world forms one of the strongest 
 bulwarks of virtue. Banishment from parties of 
 high ton, and estrangement from amusements, 
 which every one talks of have often intimidated the 
 wavering fair one, and imposed a guarded decorum 
 of manner on the determined wanton. Let us not 
 then, when the cardinal virtue of our sex is assault 
 edby unusual perils, resign one of its most materia.l 
 
 utworks." Mrs. Wests Letters to a Young Lady. 
 13
 
 146 
 
 NOTE 11. PAGE 30. 
 
 " Like Pope's aerial fenciblei. 
 
 " Know then, unnumbered spirits round thce fly, 
 The light militia of the lower sky ; 
 These, though unseen are ever on the wing, 
 Hang o'er the box, and hover round the ring." 
 
 Rape of the Lock. 
 
 NOTE 12. PAGE 33. 
 
 Trophonius was an eminent Soothsayer, who is 
 said to have dwelt in a cave, into which if any per 
 son entered, they would never afterwards feel an 
 inclination to laugh. 
 
 NOTE 13. PAGE 35. 
 
 I'd sooner wed a legendary ghost. 
 
 Narcissa here alludes to a tale of terror, told in 
 
 rhyme, by one of the late British bards, respecting 
 
 a certain prince, who at a certain time wedded a 
 
 beautiful lady. By an awkward accident however, 
 
 the wedding ring was placed on the finger of a statue 
 
 of a dead goddess, whose ghost, of course, had a le-
 
 147 
 
 gitimate claim upon the prince, and on the night of 
 the wedding day, took the liberty to obtrude itself 
 between the bride and bri3egroom,to the unspeaka 
 ble terror aall discomfiture of terrestrial part of 
 the concern. This hobgoblin story is done into 
 poetry, I believe, by Mr. Lewis, author of the 
 " Monk," a novel, which is infinitely terrific, and 
 (to some folks ) not less agreeable. 
 
 NOTE 14. PAGE 37. 
 
 J(fen I have /;norcn of knoz r ;ledge most profound. 
 For polished manners scarcely less renown* d. 
 It mi^hf have tho appearance of flattery to name 
 iiv : -' : ~J' -cals to whom the atove lines would 
 be r>" . , We shall therefore mention SirWu- 
 
 LIA:.I T^rrEs, whoso literary acquisition 5 ! and dignity 
 , a'-acter, are thws alluded to by the author of 
 The Pursuit, of Literature. 
 
 " He top, whom Indies and the Ganges morn, 
 
 The glory of their banks from Isis torn, 
 
 la learning's strength is fled, in Judgment's prime,
 
 148 
 
 In science temperate, various, and sublime* 
 To him familiar every legal doom. 
 The courts of Athens, or the halls of Rome, 
 Or Hindoo vidas taught ; for him the Muse 
 Distill'd from every flow'r Hyblaaan dews ; 
 Firm, when exalted ; in demeanour grave, 
 Merc,}' and truth were his, he lov'd to save." 
 
 That Sir WILLIAM JOVES was little less a favour- 
 
 
 
 ite of the Graces than the Muses appears from hi- 
 biography by Lord Teignmoiath ; and, in Mrs. Pioz- 
 zi-s Advice to a New Married Jl/cm, i* the following 
 passage which proves that a man or woman of let 
 ter?, in Great Britain, is treated with that atten 
 tion and deference which are not always accord 
 ed to wealth or nobility, and that Sir WILLIAM JONES 
 held a high station in the circles of fashion as well 
 as in those of literature. 
 
 " The age we live in pays, I think.peculiar atten 
 tion to the higher distinctions of wit, knowledge, 
 and virtue. The giddy flirt of quality frets at the 
 vc=pcct she ser,s paid to Lady Edgecumbc, aad the
 
 149 
 
 gay dunce sits pining for a partner, while Jones tht 
 Orientalist leads up the ball''' 
 
 NOTE 16. PAGE 41. 
 
 And he changed his behaviour before them, ami 
 feigned himself mad in their hands. 
 
 I. Sawuel 21. xiii. 
 
 NOTE 17. PAGE 52. 
 
 The Vestales Firgines, vestal virgins, of Rome, 
 were women, devoted to the service of the goddess 
 Vesta. They made a vow of perpetual chastity, 
 and if they were guilty of its violation were buried 
 alive. 
 
 NOTE 18. PAGE 58. 
 
 The vagaries of Miss Wolstonecroft are, thus ani 
 madverted upon by a lady whose writings may be 
 exhibited among other irrefragable proof, that na 
 ture has not disqualified the female sex from be 
 coming eminently useful to the community, in the 
 
 arduous and honourable pursuits of literature* 
 13 *
 
 150 
 
 " Au eecentric writer, who thought audacity a 
 proof of genius, and mistook insubordination for in 
 dependence and greatness of soul, seemed to sup 
 pose that the professions of a lawyer, a physician, 
 and a merchant were no ways incompatible with 
 women. Little ingenuity is necessary to disprove 
 a theory, which puzzled for an hour, an,d sunk into 
 oblivion, overwhelmed by the weight of its own 
 absurdity, till it was fished up again by some sec 
 ond-hand dealers in paradox and innovation. That 
 we can neither gain happiness or advantage, from 
 renouncing the habits, which nature communicated 
 and custom has ratified, is evident, by considering 
 the qualities for which we have been most valued, 
 and how far they would amalgamate with an altera 
 tion in our relative situation. Could modesty en 
 dure the stare of public attention ; could meekness 
 preserve her olive wand unbroken amid the noisy 
 contention of the bar ; coutd delicacy escape unin 
 jured throngh ihe initiatory studies of medicine ; 
 could cautious discretion venture vpon those haz 
 ardous experiments, which private as well as pub-
 
 151 
 
 He utility often require ; could melting compassion 
 be the proper agent of impartial justice ; or could 
 gentleness dictate those serere but wholesome res 
 traints, which often preserve a nation from ruin ? 
 Though I am inclined 1 to think highly of my own 
 sex, I confess that I can see nothing in this scheme 
 of an Amazonian Republic, which is not in the high 
 est degree ridiculous and laughable. My convictjion 
 that we should make wretched generals, patriots) 
 politicians, legislators and advocates, proceeds 
 from my having never yet seen a private family 
 well conducted that has been subjected to female 
 usurpation. Notwithstanding any degree of science 
 or talent which may have illuminated the fair vice 
 gerent, the awkward situation of the good man in 
 the corner has always excited risibility, and awak 
 ened such prying scrutiny into interior arrange 
 ments, as has never failed to discover " something 
 rotten in the state of Denmark." It is not only the 
 temperament of our virtues, which indicate the 
 necessity of our being shielded from the broad 
 glare of observation; there is, generally speaking,
 
 152 
 
 (and Providence acts by general rules, Loth in the 
 natural and moral world) too much impetuosity of 
 feeling, quickness of determination, and locali 
 ty of observation in women, to enable us to dis 
 charge public trusts, or extensive duties with pro 
 priety. The warmth of our hearts overpowers the 
 ductility of cur judgments ; and in our extreme de- 
 fire to act very right, we want forbearance and ac 
 commodation, which makes our best designs often 
 terminate exactly opposite to what we proposed. 
 The qualities that we possess are admirably fitted 
 to enable us to perform a second part in life's con 
 cert ; but when we attempt to lead the band, our 
 soft notes become scrannel and discordant, by be 
 ing strained beyond their pitch ; and our tremulous 
 melodies cause disgusting dissonance, if they at 
 tempt to overpower the grand full tones of manly 
 harmony, instead of agreeably filling up its pauses." 
 
 Mrs. West. 
 
 NOTE 19. PAGE 61 
 
 " In the Brazils," says a writer whose name I caa 
 not now recollect, " the females are obliged, to fol-
 
 153 
 
 low their husbands to war, to supply the place of 
 beasts of burthen, and to carry on their backs their 
 children, provisions, hammocks, and every thing 
 wanted in the field. 
 
 "In the isthmus ofDarien, they are sent alng 
 with warriors and travellers as we do baggage hors". 
 es. Even their queen appeared before some En 
 glish gentlemen, carrying her sucking child wrapt 
 up in a red blanket. 
 
 " The women among the Ridians of America^ 
 were, what the Helotes were, among the Spartans^ 
 a vanquished people obliged to toil for their con 
 querors. Hence, on the banks of the Oronofco, we 
 have heard of mothers slaying their daughters out 
 of compassion, and smothering them in the hour of 
 their birth. They consider this barbarous pity as 
 a virtue. 
 
 " Father Joseph Gumella, reproving one of thera 
 for this inhuman crime, received the following an 
 swer. " I wish to God, Father, I wish to God that 
 my mother had, by my death, prevented the mani 
 fold distresses that I have endured, and have yet t
 
 154 
 
 endure as long as I live. Had she kindly stifled me 
 in my birth, I should not have felt the pain of death, 
 nor the numberless other pains to which life has 
 subjected me. Consider, Father, our deplorable 
 condition. Our husbands go to hunt with their bows 
 and arrows, and trouble themselves no father : 
 we are dragged along with an infant at our breast, 
 and another in a basket. They return ia the ev 
 ening without any burden. We return whh the 
 burden of our children. Though tired with long 
 walking, we are not allowed to sleep, but must la- 
 boar the whole night, in grinding maize to make 
 chica for them. They get drunk and in their drunk 
 enness beat us, draw us by the hair of our head*, and 
 tread us under foot. What then have we to com* 
 fort us for a slavery, perhaps of twenty year? 1 A 
 young wife is brought upon us and permitted to 
 abuse us and our children. Can human nature en 
 dure such tyranny t What kindness can we show 
 to our female children, equal to that of relieving 
 them from such servitude, more bitter a thousand 
 times than death 1 I repeat again, would to God
 
 155 
 
 my mother had put me under ground the moment 
 .I was born." 
 
 " If the great outlines of this complaint be tru, 
 they fully evince the deplorable condition of sav 
 age women ; and that they are probable, similar in 
 stances among barbarous nations will not permit us 
 to doubt. 
 
 NOTE 20. PAGE 65. 
 
 It is asserted by Professor Robison, in his work 
 upon illuminism, as well as by other writers, who 
 have treated upon the French Revolution, that 
 Madam Tallien, accompanied by other beautiful 
 women, laying aside all modesty, came into the pub 
 lic theatre, and presented themselves to public 
 view, with bared limbs, a la Sauvage as the alluring 
 bjects of desire. 
 
 See Robison's Proofs, &c. p. 197. 
 
 NOTE 21. PAGE 61. 
 
 " In the early part of the French monarchy, the 
 ladies paid scarce any attention to dress.
 
 166 
 
 would appear that they thought of nothing more 
 than pleasing their husbands, and giving a proper 
 education to their children, and that the rest of 
 their time was employed in family concerns, -and 
 rural economy. If their dress was subject to little 
 change in those primitive times, we ought not to 
 be astonished to see the fair sex indemnify them 
 selves at present for their inaction, Their dress, 
 however, has experienced the same revolutions as 
 that f men. There was a time when their robes 
 rose so high, that they absolutely covered the 
 breast ; but under Charles VI. Queen Isabella, of 
 Bavaria, as remarkable for her gallantry as her 
 beauty, brought back the fashion of leaving the 
 holders and part -of the neck uncovered. 
 
 " Let us hear what Juvenal des Ursins says res 
 pecting the manner in which the women dressed 
 their heads. 
 
 " Both married and unmarried ladies were very 
 extravagant in their dress, and wore caps wonder 
 fully high and large-, having two great ears at each
 
 157 
 
 *lde, which were of such magnitude that when they 
 wishtd to enter a, door it was impossible for them." 
 
 The reign of Charles the VII. brought back the 
 use of earrings, bracelets, and collars. Some jears 
 before the death of that prince, the drese of the 
 ladies was ridiculous in the highest degree. They 
 wore robes so exceedingly long, that several yards 
 of the train dragged behind ; the sleeves were so 
 wide that they swept the ground ; and their heads 
 were lost under immease bonnets, which were 
 three-fourths of their breadth in height. To this 
 ridiculous fashion another succeeded, which was 
 not less so. The ladies placed a kind of cushion 
 upon their heads, loaded with ornaments, which 
 displayed the worst taste imaginable. The head 
 dress was so large, that it was two vards in breadth. 
 At that period it was absolutely necessary to enlarge 
 (he doors of all the houses." 
 
 Sketches of the Sex, p. 209 10. 
 The be-lles of that period, however, could not 
 daim an exclusive of right to the palm of extrava 
 gance. The beaux were scarely Itss ridicules 
 14
 
 i&e 
 
 in their attire. " Figure to yourself," says a French 
 writer, " a petit maitre, with his hair flat and 
 bushy, dressed in a doublet, shaped like an under 
 waistcoat, which scarcely covered his reins ; his 
 breeches exceedingly close, rising very high, and 
 his middle bound round with a ribband, in a most 
 whimsical manner, as may still be seen in some an 
 cient paintings ; add to all this artificial shoulders, 
 in form of a cushion, which were placed upon each 
 shoulder blade, to make him appear to have a large 
 chest, and to give him a robust and vigorous ap 
 pearance. This strange caricature was terminated 
 ty shoes, the points of which for people of quality 
 were full two feet in length." In England the 
 fashion of shoes with long peaks, was carried to such 
 extravagance that it was found expedient to sup 
 port them by a gold chain extending from the ex 
 tremity of the shoe to a band placed above the 
 knee.
 
 159 
 
 NOTE 22. PAGE 72. 
 Like that majestic m'rtal, which subdued^ 
 As Milton says) the monsters of the wood. 
 
 These lines allude to Milton's Eulogy on chastity, 
 from which the following lines are extracted. 
 
 <: She that has that, is clad in complete steel, 
 And like a quiver'd nymph with arrows keen, 
 May trace huge forests, and unharbour'd heaths. 
 Infamous hills, and sandy perilous wilds, 
 Where through the sacred rays of chastity, 
 ISTo savage fierce, bandit or mountaineer, 
 Will dare to soil her virgin purit_/; 
 Yea there where very desolation dwells 
 By grots, and caverns shagg'dwith horrid shades, 
 She may pass on with unblench'd majesty, 
 Be it not done in pride, or in presumption." 
 
 NOTE 23, PAGE 72. 
 
 The cestus or girdle of Venus was supposed by 
 the ancients so be endued with peculiar powers of 
 fascination.
 
 NOTE 24. PAGE 77. 
 
 The Spartan mother exulting over the body of 
 ir son, slain in batllo, is thus described by a 
 lady, whose productions add one to very njany 
 proofs, that female hands are competent to u wake 
 to extacy the living lyre." 
 
 t Fierce with strange joy she stands, tire battle won* 
 Elate and tearless o'er her slaughter'd son, 
 " He died for Sparta, diod unknown to fear, 
 His wounds all honest, and his shield his bier ; 
 And shall I weep ?" stern daughters of the brave.. 
 Thus maids and matrons hail'd the Spartan's grave, 
 By turns they caught, they lit the hero-flamo, 
 And scorn'd the woman's for the patriot's name. 
 Epistles on women by Lucy Mkin* 
 
 NOTE 25. PAGE 77. 
 
 Cornelia, a celebrated Roman matron, was left a 
 widow in the flower of her age, and devoted her 
 whole time and undivided attention, to the educa- 
 tioa of her offspring. When a lady had exhibited
 
 her jewels at Cornelia's house, and begged to be 
 indulged with the sight of her own, the affection 
 ate parent produced her two sons, Cains and Ti 
 berius Gracchus, saying, "These are the only jewels 
 I hare to shew." Too ambitious of being distin 
 guished, she probably urged them to that career, 
 which terminated in their destruction. She is said 
 to have reproached them in their youth, that they 
 had not rendered her illustrious as the mother of 
 the Gracchi ; and after their death she replied to 
 one, who would have condoled with her on their 
 account, that " the woman, who had given birth to 
 the Gracchi could not be deemed unfortunate." 
 After her decease the Romans erected a statue ta 
 her memory, with this inscription: "To Cornelia 
 mother of the Gracchi" 
 
 NOTE 26. PAGE 77. 
 
 Caesar Borgia was a son to Pope Alexander VI. 
 one who was initiated by his mother Vanozza, into 
 all the mysteries of iniquity which could qualify 
 
 him for a career of guilty ambition, He was 
 14 *
 
 162 
 
 made an Archbishop, and a Cardinal, which office! 
 did not deter him from destroying those who were 
 in any degree opposed to his nefarious projects, by 
 poison or assassination. In 503 Borgia lost his 
 father, who was supposed to have died by poison, 
 which they had prepared for a rich Cardinal, whose 
 estate thev wished to appropriate to themselves, 
 but which they both took by mistake. It proved 
 fatal to the father ; but the SOB, by strength of con 
 stitution escaped with life, though he long experi 
 enced its penicious effects. He was killed in a 
 skirmish and stripped by the victors. Notwith 
 standing he has been held up to admiration, by 
 Machiavel as the perfect specimen of a " great 
 man," ' yet," says one of his biographers, " he was 
 hated in prosperity, detested in adversity, stripped 
 cf all his honours and possessions, even such as he 
 fairly might have claimed, and leaving behind 
 him a name, consigned to universal detestation, it 
 would seem that he gained nothing by being a vil 
 lain."
 
 165 
 
 NOTE 27. PAGE 83. 
 
 When Alexander the Great had arrived at the 
 zenith of his power, he was surrounded by a num 
 ber of sycophants, who by indulging his humour and 
 soothing his passions, precipitated him into extrava 
 gance of conduct, and deprived him of that equa 
 nimity and moderation, which were necessary for 
 preserving the acquisitions he had made. One 
 faithful friend declined concurring in the general 
 adulation. At a banquet which succeeded the sac 
 rifices performed at the anniversary festival of 
 Bacchus, the honour of which Alexander had trans 
 ferred to Castor and Pollux, some of the attendant* 
 extolled the actions of the Macedonian prince above 
 those of the gods. Clytus remonstrated, alledging 
 that " he cauld not bear to hear such indignities 
 cffered to the gods, or the credit of ancient heroes 
 undervalued, to tickle the ears of a living prince." 
 JU to Alexander's actions he allowed that they were 
 great and glorious, but he maintained that they 
 were not supernatural ; that the army had shared 
 in them, and that they had a right to participate in
 
 104 
 
 the praise belonging to them. Alexander was in 
 dignant ; and as Clytus proceeded in the same 
 strains, aad affimed that he had preserved the life 
 of the king at the battle ofGranicus, stretching out 
 his arm and saying, " this hand, O Alexander, has 
 saved thee," the king rushed upon him, and endeav 
 oured to kill him, but was prevented by the inter 
 position of friends. At length, however, when his 
 friends had retired, he seized a lance and laid Clytus 
 dead on the spot. His passion, however, soon sub. 
 sided, and reflecting on the deed he had perpe 
 trated, he indulged in excessive grief, refused food 
 for three days, neglected his apparel, and, as some 
 say would have killed himself with the pike that 
 had killed Clytus. 
 
 NOTE 28. PAGE 83. 
 
 By the common law of England, a common soold 
 is considered as a public nuisance to her neighbor 
 hood-, and may be indicted, and jf convicted is sen. 
 tenced to be placed in a certain engine of correc. 
 tion called the cucking stool, or ducking stool, be-
 
 165 
 
 cause the residue of the judgment is, that when sh 
 is so placed therein, she shall be plunged into the 
 water for her punishment. 
 
 Blackstone's Com. IV. p. 168 9. 
 
 NOTE 29. PAGE 86. 
 
 Locke's Treatise on Education contains many 
 excellent observations relative to the system of 
 (error, which is too frequently employed in educat 
 ing children. Miss More likewise observes that 
 " parental severity drives the gentle spirit to arti 
 fice, and the rugged to despair. It generates de 
 ceit and cunning, the most hopeless and hateful ia 
 the whole catalogue of female failings. Ungovtrn- 
 ed anger in the teacher, and inability to discrimin 
 ate between venial errors and premeditated offence, 
 though they may lead a timid creature to hide 
 wrong tempers, or to conceal bad actions, will not 
 help her to subdue the one or correct the other. 
 Severity will drive terrified children to seek not 
 for reformation, but for impunity. A readiness to 
 Forgive them promotes frankness. And we should
 
 abote all things, encourage them to be frank, m or 
 der to come at their faults, They have not more 
 faults for being open, they only discover more." 
 
 Strictures on Female Education, Chap. \i. 
 
 NOTE 30. PAGE 89. 
 
 The Spectator, No. 4. observes that the fair sex' 
 " compose the most powerful part of our people." 
 Jn another number he declares that the passion for 
 admiration, which is so universal among the fair 
 sex, had moulded them into " Idols" of all degrees 
 and qualities. " Most of them are worshipped, 
 like Meloch in fire and flames. Some of them, like 
 Baal lore to see their votaries cut and slashed, and 
 shedding blood for^them. Some of them,like the Idol 
 J n the Apocrypha, must have treats and collations 
 prepared for them every night." We are likewise 
 informed by the same author, that females of the 
 lowest classes were an inferior kind of" idob," and 
 were used by their worshippers sometimes like 
 Chinese Idols-, who are whipped and scourged when
 
 167 
 
 they refuse to comply with the prayers that are of 
 fered to them. 
 
 NOTE 31. PAGE 95. 
 
 I shall not multiply authorities in support of the 
 assertion to which this note refers, but produce one, 
 which contains the substance of what has well been 
 observed on the subject. The writer in the fol 
 lowing passage is treating of the education of boys, 
 but his observations apply with equal if not superi 
 or force to young females. 
 
 " A public education may be formed on the very 
 best plan, may be conducted by the best rules, and 
 yet in many points it may fall short of what may be 
 effected by domestic instruction. The one cannot 
 in the nature of things be so elaborate as the other : 
 besides what tutorage can equal that which pro" 
 ceeds froin the attentive zeal of an elightened par 
 ent ? What affection less warm and intense will 
 prescribe and follow such rules of self denial, as 
 aie necessary to preserve the pupil from receiving 
 any impression which may be mischievous to his
 
 168 
 
 ftiture innocence and peace ? When the object is 
 viewed in this light, it would be folly to give up the 
 privilege of forming our offspring according to the 
 brightest model of virtue, which our imagination 
 can conceive. Indeed so forcible and so important ap 
 pears in my eyes,this last urged reason for the pref 
 erence of domestic education, that to those opulent 
 idlers, who have neither the capacity, nor the in 
 clination to fulfil in their own persons this most im 
 portant of parental duties, and who consign their 
 children over to the care of school-masters, I 
 would recommend to them to be very liberal oftheir 
 treasures to the enlightened persons who are every 
 way qualified for the education of youth, and to in 
 sist on their limiting their pupils to a small number ; 
 for though the languages may be very well taught 
 in large schools, yet the morals must necessarily be 
 totally neglected.' 5 Graham's Letters on Education. 
 There are cases, however, in which public 
 schools are to be preferred, such as the want of 
 health, knowledge or leisure in the parents, or the 
 fathers being a widower. &c.
 
 169 
 
 NOTE 32. PAGE 97. 
 
 The author of" The Pursuits of Literature" ani 
 madverts with just severity on those commentators 
 n Shakespeare who " are peculiarly and even 
 zealously studious in minutely explaining and de 
 claring all the various modes and receipts which the 
 age of the Virgin Queen afforded, or recommended 
 for the Queen of Love and soft desire/'* He like 
 wise declares " it was very hold and very indecent 
 in the Reverend Dr. Warton, to publish Pope";: im- 
 tation of the Second Satire of the first Book of 
 Horace. Pope never printed it in his works 
 himself; Dr. Warburton refused to admit it ; no 
 common edition whatsoever of Pope has admitted 
 it ; and it is printed only in a vulgar appendix in 
 two volumes." He says " Mr. PopeV works are 
 distinguished for peculiar correctness in taste and 
 morals ; and are intended for the most general and 
 unqualified perusal. But, speaking of some par 
 ticular passages which Pope iJimself had designed 
 
 *Page 85, 1 1th London Edition, 
 15
 
 should be buried in oblivion, but which Dr. Warton 
 with perverse diligence had collected and caused 
 to be printed, the Author of the Pursuits of Liter 
 ature observes, " If Mr. Pope had often written 
 ifotwhis works must hare been consigned to the li 
 brary of a brothel. This edition of Pope's works 
 will be sent into all parts of the civilized world ; 
 and can it be said that I speak without reason ? 
 Surely I am not pleading for public decency in 
 vain."* 
 
 Since that period, as appears by English Reviews, 
 the looser productions of Dryden,and other eminent 
 poets, have been drawn from the sink of oblivion, 
 and incorporated with the body of their works, bj 
 men who have at OHCC degraded themselves, in 
 jured the reputation of the authors whose writings 
 they have collected, and deserved the execration 
 of all who wish well to the morals and happiness of 
 the community. 
 
 * Pursuits of Literature, 40789.
 
 171 
 
 NOTE 33. PAGE 99. 
 
 An Edition of the works of the principal English 
 Poets, has been published by Arthur Aikin, from 
 which every thing is expunged which can shock 
 the feelings of delicacy, wound the ear of mod 
 esty, or that has a tendency to seduce the reader 
 from the path of moral rectitude. 
 
 NOTE 34. PAGE 102. 
 
 It may, prrhap.*. not be amiss to give a list of 
 some provincial words and phrases, which ought to 
 be aYoided by all who aspire to speak or write the 
 English language correctly. 
 
 Ant^ for am not, arbs for herbs, arn'd for earned, 
 a,ry for any or either, ax'd for asked, Laie for beet, 
 a garden vegetable, lan't Tor are not or be not, It- 
 yend for beyond, bile for boil, br assets for bristles, 
 cheer for chair, dumbly for chimney, compel for pro 
 pel, as the boat is compelled by steam, cutlash for 
 cutlass, cute for acute, come for came, 'disgest for di 
 gest, dicker for deal, driv for drove, droi^jcr for 
 droyer, drownded for drowned, eat for ate in the
 
 172 
 
 preterite./?: for foughb/urtfer for further.o-aJ for girl, 
 a JS!/ for intoxicated, gin for gave, hash for harsh, 
 houstn for household, hobble a rough projection or 
 knoll, han't for have not, hiin and /tern for his and 
 hers, jest for just, hag for keg, kixer for cover, fcm 
 for molasses, larnt for learned, nicacking for mean, 
 million for melon, noiher for neither, nceger fornt- 
 gro, nurZy for gnarled,0$;/ropoot<j for cLi-treperous, 
 ourn for ours, pesky for troublesome, popular for 
 populous, as a popular village, popple for poplar, 
 for quota, rah/ for really, rffitgc for refuse, 
 for rode, and rid for riddance, rcsk for risk, 
 for roots, so.llei for sallad?, sfl?/5 /, for I said, 
 scrabble for scribble, sicA, or sicker for such, jj*g-; 
 for design, &;le for soil, splosh for splash, smudder 
 for smother, squirm for writhe, or twist, spr?/ for 
 nimble, stundcd for stunned, tantrum for tandem, 
 tat'nf for it is not, tenant for tenon, timorsomc for 
 timorous, raJ/ey for volley, tfo^fi for voyage, yender 
 for yonder. 
 
 This catalogue may be greatly enlarged, and if 
 teachers of youth would generally turn their atten-
 
 173 
 
 tion to the subject, it would not only induce a uni 
 formity of dialect, but prevent that ridicule, which 
 so frequently attaches to the use of what are some 
 times called yankeyisms. 
 
 NOTE 35. PAGE 105. 
 
 Baj'le was an eminent French critic and philoso.. 
 pher of the 17th century, Bentley was an English 
 man, his cotemporary, of distinguished abilities and 
 erudition. These are used to represent learned 
 men in general, as warriors are sometimes denom 
 inated Alexanders, or Statesmen " Solomons in 
 council," &c. 
 
 NOTE 36. PAGE 110. 
 
 The Aborigines of America inflict a variety of 
 tortures on those young candidates for martial emi 
 nence, who aspire to take the lead in their predato 
 ry and murderous excursions. This is done to test 
 the fortitude of the would be warriors, and to ascer 
 tain whether they have a sufficient strength of con 
 stitution to endure the privations and sufferings 
 
 15 *
 
 .174 
 
 which result from the honourable vocation of 
 wielding the tomahawk, and scalping knife. The 
 savages of South America have likewise their peo 
 ple of quality. But as they are all nearly or quite na 
 ked, they cannot display their gentility by the shape 
 or colour of their garments. Of course the body 
 itself must be subjected to the operation of fashion. 
 They pierce the no*e, slit the ear?, mould- the 
 head into various shapes, either round, flat, conical 
 or lengthened oat, and in short do and suffer as 
 much or more than is performed by, or inflicted 
 open a pretty Miss who is training for a toast, and 
 is intended for a leader of the ton. 
 
 NOTE 37. PAGE 111. 
 
 Madame de Genlis recommends that children of 
 ten or twelve years of age should be taught house 
 keeping, cooking, accounts, washing, ironing, and 
 weighing out medicines, in their play hours, with 
 small doll's furniture and utensils. She thinks this 
 would save much time, and prevent their mixing 
 with servants, as those plays would be always earn-
 
 175 
 
 ed on in the presence of their mother or goveni- 
 ess or under her directien. The girls, she observes, 
 might dress dolls aocordmg to /the fashion described 
 in their geographical lessons, and prints of ttie cos- 
 tames of various nations, might be procured for that 
 purpose. Girls should not be excluded from active 
 exercise. " It is a material error," says an able writ 
 er on education, " to make that ill-founded distinc 
 tion between the sexes, which condemns young fe 
 males, almost from their cradles, to a sedentary 
 life, by giving them scarcely any other playthings 
 but dolls, and tinsel work, or trinkets, while the 
 sprightly boy amuses himself with his noisy drum 
 and other active diversions. Such premature mod 
 esty is dearly purchased at the expense of health 
 and of a cheerful mind. What an infatuation to 
 train up sickly women, debilitated mothers, and con 
 sequently a debilitated offspring ! " Sedentary di 
 versions," says Buchan, " are of no use but to Con 
 sume time. Instead of relieving the mind they 
 often require more thought than either study or 
 business, Every thing which inducis young people
 
 176 
 
 ro sit still, unless it be some necessary employment 
 should be avoided. 
 
 NOTE 38. PAGE 11 3. 
 
 I shall give the testimony of a few eminent writ 
 ers in favour of the iises of dancing." Its abuses have 
 been adverted to in the lines immediately preced - 
 ing those to which this note refers, " I know an em 
 inent physician who used to say, that he made his 
 children dance, instead of giving them physic. It 
 were, well if more people followed his example." 
 Buchan. I consider dancing as conducive to health, 
 and as sometimes a mean of preventing deformity ; 
 and even when there is no danger of that, all must 
 see that it is the mean of making young people of 
 both sexes stand, walk and sit, and even look and 
 speak to advantage. It should be remembered that 
 the end of dancing is not so much to make young 
 people shine at a ball, as to give an easy air and 
 grace to all the motions ef the body." Nelson. 
 " Let opulent parents put their children, as soon as 
 they can walk with firmness under the care of the
 
 177 
 
 best dancing master they can engage. But let tne 
 tutor treat the learning to dance as a pastime not 
 as a task." Berkenhout. " Dancing is now so uni- 
 rersal that it cannot be dispensed with in the educa 
 tion of a gentleman." Chapone. Se likewise The 
 Spectator, No. 4G6. 
 
 NOTE 39. PAGE 114. 
 
 " To every thing there is a season, and a time 
 for every purpose under heaven," said the wise 
 man ; but he said it before the invention of baby- 
 balls. This modern device is a sort of triple con 
 spiracy against the innocence, the health, and the 
 happiness of children; thtis by factitious amuse 
 ments to rob them of a relish for the simple joys, 
 the unbought delights, which naturally belong to 
 their blooming seasons,is like blotting out spring from 
 the year. To sacrifice the true and proper enjoy 
 ments of sprightly and happy children, is to make 
 them pay a dear and disproportionate price for 
 their artificial pleasures. They step at once from 
 the nursery to the ball-room, and by a preposterous
 
 178 
 
 change of habits, are thinking of dressing them 
 selves, at an age when they used to be dressing 
 their dolls. 
 
 " To behold liliputian coquettes, projecting dress 
 es, studying colours, assorting ribbands and feathers, 
 their little hearts beating with hopes about part 
 ners, and fears about rivals ; and to see their fresh 
 cheeks pale, after a midnight supper, their aching 
 heads and unbraced nerves, disqualify the little lan 
 guid beings for the next day's task, and hear the 
 grave apology " that it is owing to the wine, the 
 crowd, the heated room of the last night's ball," all 
 this, I say, would be very ridiculous, if the mischief 
 of the thing did not take off from the merriment of 
 it." Miss More's Strictures on female Eduaation. 
 
 NOTE 40. PAGE 11 4. 
 
 Queen Margaret's bans and menaces are pretty 
 liberally strewed through several of Shak.*pcare*s 
 plays. Her anathemas, however, on the " hump* 
 back'd tyrant," in Richard III, commencing
 
 179 
 
 " If heaven have any grievous plague in store. 
 Exceeding those that I can wish upon thee, &c. 
 
 are peculiarly terrific, and though uttered by a 
 woman, may be considered as master pieces of exe 
 cration. 
 
 NOTE 41. PAGE 124. 
 
 Dr. Barrow, in an essay on education, treating 
 of novels, observes, " Many works of this descrip 
 tion in our language, may be read with innocence 
 and safety. The novels of Fielding, ef Richardson, 
 and of Radcliffe, no man of taste will peruse with 
 out pleasure, and no man of reflection without im 
 provement." 
 
 Another eelebrated author says, " I would by n 
 means exclude this kind of reading which young 
 people are so fond of, tho' I think the greatest care 
 should be taken in the choice of those fictitious 
 stories, which so enchant the mind, most of which 
 have a tendency to inflame the passions of youth, 
 while the chief purpose of education should be t
 
 ,130 
 
 moderate and restrain them. There are, however 
 works of this class, in which excellent morality is 
 joined with the most lively pictures of the human 
 mir.d. and with all that can entertain the imagina 
 tion and interest the heart. But young people should 
 never read any thing of the sentimental kind, with 
 out taking the judgment of their best friends in the 
 choice ; for I am persuaded that the indiscriminate 
 readin* 4 of such kinds of books corrupt more female 
 hearts than any other cause whatsoever." 
 
 Clwpone's Letters. 
 
 NOTE 42. PAGE 130. 
 
 " If women knew more men must learn more 
 Tor ignorance would then be shameful and it 
 would be the fashion to be instructed." 
 
 Edingburgh Review. 
 
 ERRATA. Page 70, Line 10, from the lop, fo* 
 " son" read sun. 
 
 Page 1 34, line 3, from the top, for " common 7 ' 
 read corporal.
 
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