Southern Branch 
 of the 
 
 University of California 
 
 Los Angeles 
 
 Form L 1
 
 This book ^ DUE op the last date stamped belo. 
 
 3 1927 
 
 -low-10,'25
 
 THE 
 
 LOVER 
 
 AND 
 
 READER.
 
 THE 
 
 LOVER. 
 
 To which is added, The 
 
 READER; 
 
 By the fame AUTHOR. 
 
 Phyllida amo ante alias : nam me difcedere flevit. 
 
 L O N T> O N: 
 
 Printed for J. fonfon at Shakefpear 's-Head over- 
 againft Catherine-ftreet in the Strand,
 
 I * 
 
 Sir Samuel Garthy M. D. 
 SIR, 
 
 S foon as I thought 
 of making the Lover 
 a Prefent to one of 
 myFriends, Irefolv- 
 ed, without farther diftrading 
 my Choice, to fend it To the 
 Beft-natured Man. You are fb 
 univerfally known for this 
 Character, that an Epiftle fo 
 direded would find its Way to 
 A You
 
 Dedication. 
 
 You without your Name, and 
 I believe no Body but You 
 yourfelf would deliver fuch a 
 Superfcription to any other 
 Perfon. 
 
 This Propenfityis the near- 
 eft akin to Love > and Good- 
 nature is theworthieft Affefti- 
 on of the Mind, as Love is 
 thenobleftPaffionofit: While 
 the latter is wholly employed 
 in endeavouring to make hap- 
 py one {ingle Objeft, the o- 
 ther'diflfufes its Benevolence 
 to all the World. 
 
 As this is Your natural Bent, 
 I cannot but congratulate to 
 You the (ingular Felicity that 
 your Profeffion is fo agreea- 
 ble
 
 Dedication. 
 
 ble to your Temper. For 
 what Condition is more de- 
 firable than a conftantlmpulfe 
 to relieve the DiftrefTed, and a 
 Capacity to adminifter that 
 Relief? When the Tick Man 
 hangs his Eye on that of his 
 Phyfician, how pleating muft 
 it be to fpeak Comfort to his 
 Anguifh, to raife in him the 
 firft Motions of Hope, to lead 
 him into a Perfuafion that he 
 {hall return to the Company of 
 his Friends-, the Care of his 
 Family , and all the Bleffings 
 of Being? 
 
 The Manner in which You 
 
 pradtife this heavenly Faculty 
 
 of aiding human Life, is ac- 
 
 A 2 cor-
 
 Dedication. 
 
 cording to the Liberality of 
 Science, and demonftrates that 
 your Heart is more fet upon do- 
 ing Good than growing Rich. 
 The pitiful Artifices which 
 Ernpyricks are guilty of to 
 drain Cafh out of Valetudina- 
 rians, are the Abhorrence of 
 your generous Mind; and it is 
 as common with Garth to fup- 
 ply Indigent Patients with 
 Money for Food, as to receive 
 it from Wealthy ones for Phy- 
 fick. How much more amia- 
 ble, Sir, would the Generofi- 
 ty which is already applauded 
 by all that know You, appear 
 to thofe whofe Gratitude You 
 every Day refufe, if they knew 
 
 that
 
 Dedication; 
 
 that You refift their Prefents 
 leaft You fhould fupply thofe 
 whofe Wants you know, by 
 taking from thofe with whofe 
 Neceffities you are unacquaint- 
 ed? 
 
 The Families You frequent 
 receive You as their Friend and 
 \Vell-wi{her 3 whofe Concern,, 
 in their behalf 3 is as great as that 
 of thofe who are related to 
 them by the Ty es of Blood and 
 the Sanctions of Affinity. This 
 Tendernefs interrupts the Sa- 
 tisfactions of Converfation, to 
 which You are fo happily turn- 
 ed,but we forgive You that our 
 Mirth is often infipid to You, 
 "while You fit abfent to what 
 
 pafTes
 
 Dedication. 
 
 pafTes amongft us from your 
 Care of fuch as languim in 
 Sicknefs. We are fenfible their 
 DiftrefTes, inftead of being 
 removed by Company , return 
 more ftrongly to your Imagi- 
 nation by Comparifon of 
 their Condition to the Jolli- 
 ties of Health. 
 
 But I forget I am writing a 
 Dedication; and in an Ad- 
 drefs of this Kind, it is more 
 ufual to celebrate Mens great 
 Talents, than thofe Virtues to 
 which fuch Talents ought to be 
 fubfervient ; yet where the Bent 
 of a Man's Spirit is taken up in 
 the Application of his whole 
 Force to ferve the World in 
 
 his
 
 Dedication. 
 
 his Profeffion,it would be ftivo-> 
 lousnotto entertain him rather 
 withThanks for what he is,than 
 Applaufes for what he is capa- 
 ble of being. Befides, Sir, there 
 is no Room for faying any 
 thing to You as You are a Man 
 of Wit and a great Poet 5 all 
 that can be fpoken that is wor- 
 thy an ingenuous Spirit, in the 
 Celebration of fuch Faculties, 
 has been incomparably faid by 
 your felf to others, or by o- 
 therstoyou: YOU have never 
 been excelled in this Kind, 
 but by thofe who have writ- 
 ten in Praife of you : I will not 
 pretend to be your Rival 
 even with fuch an Advantage 
 
 over
 
 Dedication. 
 
 overyou, but, aflfuring you, in 
 Mr. Codringtons * Words, that I 
 do not know whether my Love : 
 or Admiration is greater, 
 
 I remain, 
 
 S I R, 
 
 Tour mojt Faithful friend y 
 and mojt Obliged, 
 
 Humble Servant 3 
 
 RICHARD STEEJLE. 
 
 * Thou, baf no Faults^ of I m Faults cqn fyy i 
 Thou art all Beauty, or all Blindnefs L 
 
 Codrmgm to Dr. Garth before the Diffenfory,
 
 THE 
 
 LOVER 
 
 ( 
 
 A 
 
 Written in Imitation of the TATLER. 
 vi 
 
 By MARMADUKE MYRTLE, Gent. 
 s N I . Thurfday, February 25.1714. 
 
 Virgmibus 'Puerifque Canto. Hor. 
 
 HERE have been many and 
 laudable Endeavours of late 
 Years, by fundry Authors, 
 under different Characters, 
 and of different Inclinations 
 and Capacities, to improve the 
 World, by Half-fheet Advertifemcnts, in 
 Learning,' Wit, and Politicks; but thefe 
 Works have not attentively enough re- 
 garded the fofter Affeftions of the Mind, 
 B which
 
 2 The L O V E R. N 
 
 which being properly raifed and awakened, 
 make way for the Operation of all good 
 Arts. 
 
 A FTER mature Deliberation with my 
 felf upon this Subject, I have thought, that 
 if I could trace the Paflion or AfFedion of 
 Love, through all its Joys and Inquietudes, 
 through all the Stages and Circumflances 
 of Life, in both Sexes, with (IricT: refped 
 to Virtue and Innocence, I fhould, by a 
 juft Reprefentation and Hiftory of that 
 one Paflion, (leal into the Bofom of my 
 Reader, and build upon it all the Senti- 
 ments and Refolutions which incline and 
 qualify us for every thing that is truly Ex- 
 cellent, Great, and Noble. 
 
 ALL You, therefore, who are in the 
 dawn of Life, as to Converfation with a 
 faithlefs and artful World, attend to one 
 who has paffed through almoft all the Mazes 
 of it, and is familiarly acquainted with 
 whatever can befal you in the purfuit of 
 Love: If you diligently obferve me, I will 
 teach you to avoid the Temptations of law- 
 lefs Defire, which leads to Shame and Sor- 
 row, .^njica^rj^ou^^ of Love, 
 which wlinconducl you to Honour and 
 Happinefs. This Paflion is the Source of 
 our Being, and as it is fo, it is alfo the 
 Support of it; for all the Adventures which 
 they meet with who fwerve from Love, 
 carry them fo far out of the Way of their 
 
 true
 
 N i: The LOVER, 3 
 
 true Being, which cannot pleafmgly pafs 
 on when it has deviated from the Rules of 
 honourable Paffion. 
 
 MY Purpofe therefore, under this Ti- 
 tle, is to Write of fuch things only which 
 ought to pleafe all Men, even as Men; 
 and I {hall never hope for prevailing under 
 this Character of Lover from my Force in 
 the Reafon offer'd, but as that Reafon 
 makes for the Happinefs and Satisfaction 
 of the Perfon to whom I addrefs. My 
 Reader is to be my Miitrefs, and ; fhall 
 always endeavour to turn my Thoughts fo 
 as that there mall be nothing in my Writ- 
 ings too fevere to be fpoken before one 
 unacquainted with Learning, or too light 
 to be dwelt upon before one who is either 
 fixed already in the Paths of Virtue, or 
 defirous to walk in them for the future. 
 
 MY Affiftants, in this Work, are Per- 
 fons whofe Conduct of Life has turned up- 
 on the Incidents which have occurred to 
 them from this agreeable or lamentable 
 Pailion, as they refpeftively are apt to call 
 it, from the Impreflion it has left upon 
 their Imaginations, and which mingles in 
 all their Words and Actions. 
 
 IT cannot be fuppofed the Gentlemen 
 can be called by their real Names, in fo 
 publick a manner as this is. But the He- 
 roe of my Story, now in the full Bloom of 
 Life, and feen every Day in all the Places 
 bi of
 
 4 The L O v E R. N Q i. 
 
 of Refort, fliall bear the Name of one of 
 our Britijb Rivers, which wafhes his In- 
 flate. As I defign this Paper fhall be a Pi- 
 fture of familiar Life, I fhall avoid Words 
 derived fr6m learned Languages, or end- 
 ing in Foreign Terminations : 1 fhall fhun al- 
 fo Names fignificant of the Perfon's Cha- 
 racler of whom I talk ; a Trick ufed by 
 Phy-wrights, which I have long thought 
 no better a Device than that of under- 
 writing the Name of an Animal on a Poft, 
 which the Painter conceived too delicately 
 drawn to be known by common Eyes, or 
 by his Delineation of its Limbs. 
 
 Mr. SEVERN is now in the twenty 
 fifth Year of his Age, a Gentleman of great 
 Modefly and Courage, which are the ra- 
 dical Virtues which lay the folid Founda- 
 tion for a good Character and Behaviour 
 both in publick and private. I will not, at 
 this time, make the Reader any further 
 acquainted with him than from this Parti- 
 cular, that he extreamlyarTedstheConver- 
 fation of People of Merit who are advan- 
 ced in Years, and treats every Woman of 
 Condition, who is pall being entertained 
 on the foot of Homage to her Beauty, fo 
 refpcftfully, that in his Company fhe can 1 
 never give her felf the Compunclion of 
 having loft any thing which made her a- 
 greeable. This natural Goodnefs has gain- 
 de him many Heans, which have agreea- 
 ble
 
 N e i. The LOVER. 5 
 
 ble Perfons to give with them: I mean, 
 Mothers have a Fondnefs for him, and 
 wiih that Fondnefs could be gratified by 
 his Paffion to their Daughters. Were you 
 to vifit him in a Morning, you would cer- 
 tainly find fome awkard thing of Bufmefs, 
 fome old Steward, or diftant Retainer to 
 a great Family, who has a Propofal to 
 make to him, not (you may be fure) com- 
 ing from the Perfon who fent him, but 
 only in general to know whether he is en- 
 gaged 
 
 Mr. SEVERN has at this time Pat- 
 terns fent him of all the young Women in 
 Town; and 1, who am of his Council in 
 thefe Matters, have read his Particulars of 
 Women brought him, not from profefTed 
 Undertakers that way, but from thofe who 
 are under no Neceflity of felling immedi- 
 ately, but fuch who have Daughters a good 
 "Way under Twenty, that cm ftay for a 
 Market, and fend in their Account of the 
 Lady, in general Terms cnly; As that ilie 
 is fo Old, fo Tall, worth fo much down, 
 and has two Batchelor.Unkles (one a rich 
 Merchant) that will never Marry; her 
 Maiden-Aunt loves her mightily, and has 
 very fine Jewels, and the like. I have ob- 
 ferved in thefe Accounts, when the For- 
 tune is nor fuirable, they fubjoia a Pofl- 
 fcript, (he is very Bandfome; if (he is rich 
 B 3 and
 
 6 The LO V E R. Ni. 
 
 and Defe&ive as to Charms, they add, fhe 
 is very good. 
 
 BUT I was going to fay, That Mr. Se- 
 vern having the good Senfe to affect the 
 Converfation of thofe elder than himfelf, 
 pafTes fome Time at a Club, which (with 
 himfelf 3 confifts of Six; whom we (hall 
 name as follows. 
 
 Mr. OSWALT), a Widower, who has 
 within thefe few Months buried a mofl a- 
 greeable Woman, who was his beloved 
 Wife, and is indulged by this Company to 
 fpeak of her in the Terms fhe deferved of 
 him, with allowance to mingle Family^ 
 Tales concerning the Merit of his Chil- 
 dren, and the Ways and Methods he de- 
 figns to take, to Support a painful and 
 lonely Being, after the lofs of this Compa- 
 nion, which tempered all his Sorrows, and 
 gave new Senfe and Spirit to his Satisfacti- 
 ons. 
 
 Mr. MULLET, a Gentleman, who 
 in the moil plentiful Fortune, feems to 
 tafte very little of Life, becaufehe has loft 
 a Lady whom he paflionately loved, and 
 by whom he had no Children; he is the 
 laft of a great Houfe, and tho' he wants 
 not many Months of Fifty, is much fought 
 by Ladies as bright as any of the Sex; but 
 as he is no Fool, but is fenfible they com- 
 pare his Years with their own, and have 
 # mind to Marry him, becaufe they have
 
 Ni. The LOVE R. 7 
 
 a mind to Bury him, he is as froward, ex- 
 ceptious and humouribme as e'er a Beauty 
 of 'em all: .-I, who am intimate with Mullet 
 as well as Severn^ know that many of the 
 fame Women have been offered to him of 
 Fifty, in cafe of lofmg him of Five and 
 Twenty; and fome perhaps in hopes of 
 having them both: For they prudently 
 judge, that when Mullet is dead, it may 
 then be time enough for Severn to Marry ; 
 and a Lady's Maid can obferve that many 
 an unlikelier Thing has come to pafs, than 
 this view of Marriage between her young 
 Miftrefs and both thofe Gentlemen. 
 
 Mr. JOHNSON is a Gentleman hap- 
 py in the Converfation of an excellent 
 Wife, by whom he has a numerous Off- 
 fpring; and the manner of fubjefting his 
 Defires to his Circumftances, which are 
 not too plentiful, may giveOccafion in my 
 future Difcourfes to draw many Incidents 
 ofDomeftick Life, which may be as a- 
 greeable to the reft of the young Men of 
 this Nation, as they are to the well-difpo- 
 fed Mr. Severn. 
 
 THE fifth Man of this little Aflem- 
 bly isMf.^/^00/2, an old Batchelor, who 
 has lived to the 5- 3d Year of his Age, after 
 being difappointed in Love at his z^d. 
 That Torment of Mind frets out in little 
 DifTatisfaftions and UneafmefTes againit 
 every thing elfe, without adminiitring 
 B 4 Remedy
 
 8 The L O V E R. N i. 
 
 Remedy to the Ail it felf, which dill fe- 
 flers in his Heart, and would be infup- 
 portable, were it not cooled by the Socie- 
 ty of the others abovementioned. A poor 
 old Maid is one, who has long been the 
 Object of Ridicule, her Humours and Par- 
 ticularities afford much Matter to the Fa- 
 cetious; but the old Batchelor has ten 
 times more of the fplenatick and ridicu- 
 lous, -as he is converfant in larger Scenes 
 of Life, and has more Opportunities to 
 diffufe his Folly, and confequently can vex 
 and delight People in more Views, than 
 an ancient Virgin of the other Sex. 
 
 THE fixth and laft of this Company, is 
 my dear ie!f, who oblige the World with 
 this Work. But as it has been frequently 
 obferved, that the Fine Gentleman of a 
 Play has always fomething in him which is 
 of near Alliance to the real Character of 
 the Author, I (hall not pretend to be whol- 
 ly above that Pleafure, but ihall in the 
 next Paper principally talk of my Self, and 
 fatisne my Reade s how well I am qualifi- 
 ed to be the Secretary of Love. I had or- 
 dtved my Bookfeller to adorn the Head of 
 my Paper wirh little pretty broken Ar- 
 rows, Fan-, thrown away, and other En- 
 fi:rr V. nvirial of the Hie of Paphos, for 
 the Frribelliihrnept of my Work ; but as I 
 am a wung Author, and pretend to no 
 more- tat a happy Imitation of one who 
 
 \yent
 
 N i. The LOVER. 9 
 
 went before me, he would not be at that 
 Charge; when I failed there, I defiredhim 
 only to let the Paper be gilded; but he 
 faid that was a new Thing, and it would 
 be taken to be written by a 'Perfon of Qua- 
 lity, which, I know not for what Realbn, 
 the Bibliopoles are alfo very averfe to, and 
 I was denied my fecond Requeft. How- 
 ever, this did not difcourage me, and I 
 was refolved to come out; not without 
 fome particular Hopes, that if I had notfo 
 many Admirers, I might poflibly have more 
 Cuflomers than my FredecefTor, whom I 
 profefs to imitate; for there are many more 
 who can feel what will touch the Heart, 
 than receive what would improve the 
 Head. 
 
 I therefore defign to be the Comfort and 
 Confolation of all Perfons in a languifhing 
 Condition, and will receive the Complaints 
 of all the faithful Sighers in City, Town, 
 or Country ; firmly believing;, that as bad 
 as the World is, there are asConftant ones 
 within the Cities of London and Weftm'm- 
 jler^ as ever wandered in the Plains of Ar- 
 cadia. 
 
 I fhall in my next Paper, (as much as I 
 can fpare of it, from talking of my felf) 
 tell the World how to communicate their 
 Thoughts to me, which will very proper- 
 ly come in with the Defcription of my A- 
 paitment, and the Furniture of it, toge- 
 ther
 
 10 The LOVER. Nx. 
 
 therwith the Account of my Perfon, which 
 fhall make up the fecond Paper or Chap- 
 ter, and fliall be placed before the Errata 
 of this. I have nothing further to fay now, 
 but am willing to make an end of this Leaf 
 as quaintly as poflible, being the firft; and 
 therefore would have it go off like an 
 Ad in a Play, with a Couplet ; but the 
 Spirit of that will be wholly in the Power 
 of the Reader, who mud quicken his Voice 
 hereabouts, like an Aftor at his Exit, help- 
 ing an empty Verfe with lively Hand, Foot, 
 and Voice, at once; and if he is reading 
 to Ladies, fay briskly, That, with regard to 
 the greateft Part of Mankind, 
 
 Foreign is every Character bejlde ; 
 But that of Lover every Man has try*d. 
 
 N <5 2. Saturday , February 27. 
 
 Mentis gratijfimus Error. Hor. 
 
 I Cannot tell how many Years, Months, 
 Hours, Days or Minutes have paiTed 
 away fmce 1 firft faw Mrs. Ann "Page ; 
 but certain I am, that they have ran by 
 me, without my being much concerned 
 in what was tranfaftedin the World a- 
 
 round
 
 Ni. ?he LOVER. n 
 
 round me all that while. Mrs. Tage being a 
 Gentlewoman on whom ! have ever doated 
 to Diftradion, has made me very particular 
 in my Behaviour upon all the Occurrences 
 onthis Earth, and negligent of thofe things 
 in which others terminate all their Care 
 and Study; infomuch, that I am very fen- 
 fible it is only becaufe I am harmlefs, that 
 the bufie World does not lock me up; for 
 if they will not own themfelves mad, they 
 muft conclude IF am, when they fee me 
 cold to the Purfuits of Riches, Wealth and 
 Power; and when People have beenfpeak- 
 ing of great Perfons and Illuftrious Actions, 
 I clofe the whole with fomething about 
 Mrs. ^Prf^,they are apt to think my Head 
 turned, as well as I do theirs. However, I 
 find Confolation in the Simplicity of mv 
 Diitrefs, (which has banifhed all otherCares) 
 and am reconciled to it. But however i 
 may be looked upon by the filly Crowds 
 who are toiling for more than they want, 
 I am, without doubt, in my felf the moft 
 innocent of all Creatures ; and a Squirrel 
 in a Chain, whofe Teeth are cut out, is 
 not more incapable of doing Mifchief. Mrs. 
 Ann Page had fuch a Turn with her Neck, 
 when I, thinking no harm,fir{l looked upon 
 her, that I was foon after in a Fever, and had 
 like to have left a World (which I ever 
 imce defpifed) and been at Reft. But as 
 Mrs. Anns Parents complyM with her own 
 
 Paffion
 
 12 The LOVER. N ^. 
 
 Paffion for a Gentleman of much greater 
 Worth and Fortune than my felf, all that 
 was left for me was to lament or get rid of 
 my Paffion by all the Diverfions and En- 
 tertaiments 1 could. But I thank Mrs. Ann 
 (I am ilill calling her by her Maiden Name) 
 ihe has always been Civil to me, and per- 
 mitted me to (land Godfather at the Bap- 
 tifm of one of her Sons. 
 
 THIS would appear a very humble Fa- 
 vour to a Man ofungovefn'd Defire; but 
 as for me, as foon as 1 found Mrs. Ann was 
 engaged, I could not think of her with 
 Hope any longer, any other ways than that 
 I mould ever be ready to exprefs the Paffi- 
 on I had for her, by Civilities to any thing 
 that had the moil remote relation to her. 
 But alas! I am going on as if every Body 
 living was acquainted with Mrs Ann Tage 
 and my felf, when there is indeed no oc- 
 cafion of mentioning either; but to inform 
 the Reader, that it is from the Experience 
 of a Patient, I am become a Phyfician in 
 Love. 1 have been in it thirty Years, jult 
 as long as the Learned Sydenham had the 
 Gout; and tho' I cannot pretend to make 
 Cures, I can, like him, put you in a good 
 Regimen when you are down in a Fit. As 
 I was faying, this AfFedion of mine left 
 behind it a Scorn of every thing elfe; and 
 having an Averiicn toBufmefs, I have paf- 
 fed my Time very much in Obfervation up- 
 on
 
 N x. The LOVER. 13 
 
 on the Force and Influence this Paffion 
 has had upon other Men, and the diffe- 
 rent Turns it has given each refpedive Ge- 
 neration from the Cultivation or Abufe of 
 it. You'll fay I fell into very unhappy 
 Days for a Lover of my Complexion! who 
 can be fatisfied withdiftant Good-will from 
 the Perfon beloved, and am contented that 
 her Circumftances can allow me only her 
 Efteem, when I acquaint you that my mod 
 vigorous Years were patted away in the 
 Reign of the Amorous Charles the Se- 
 cond. The Licences of that Court did 
 not only make that Love, which the Vul- 
 gar call Romantick, the Object of Jeft and 
 Ridicule, but even common Decency and 
 Modefty were almoft abandoned as formal 
 and unnatural. The Writers for the Stage 
 fell in with the Court, and the Theatre 
 diffus'd the Malignity into the Minds of 
 the Nobility and Gentry, by which means 
 the Degeneracy fpread it felf through the 
 whole People, and Shame it felf was al- 
 moft loft : Naked Innocence, that moft 
 charming of Beauties, was confronted by 
 that moft hideous of Monllers, barefaced 
 Wickednefs. 
 
 THIS made me place all my Hap- 
 pinefs in Hours of Retirement ; and as great 
 Diftrettes often turn to Advantages, I im- 
 pute it to the Wickednefs of the Age, that I 
 am a great Matter of the Bafe-Viol. 
 
 WITH
 
 14 The LOVER. N *- 
 
 WITH this Inftrument I have patted 
 many a heavy Hour, and laid up Treafures 
 of Knowledge, drawn from Contemplati- 
 on, on what I had feen every Day in the 
 World, during the Intervals from Mufick 
 and Reading, which took up the Principal 
 Part of my Time. My Purpofe,at prefent, 
 is to be a Knight-Errant with the Pen, 
 fmce that Order of Men who were fo with 
 their Swords, are quite laughed out of 
 the World. My Bufmefs is to kill Monfters, 
 and to relieve Virgins; but as it has been 
 the Cull ^m, time out of Mind, for Knights, 
 who take upon them fuch laudable and ha- 
 zardous Labours, to have a Caflle,aMote 
 round it, and all other Conveniencies with- 
 in themfelves, it has luckily happened, 
 that the fpacious and magnificent Apart- 
 ment, which the T ngenious Mr. Powetthte- 
 ly poflefled in Covent -Garden^ has lately 
 been relinquifhed by him, upon fome im- 
 portunate Words and Menaces given him 
 by a Gentleman who has the Sovereignty 
 of it, by Vertueoffome enchanted Rolls 
 of Parchment which convey that Manfion 
 unto the faid chief Commander vulgarly 
 called a Landlord. By this means, you 
 are to underiland, that the Apartment, 
 wherein the little Kings and Queens lately 
 diverted fo many of our Nobility and Gen- 
 try, is now mine. This fpacious Gallery, 
 for fuch I have made it for my mufingsand 
 
 wan-
 
 NI: The LOVER. 15 
 
 wandrings of Thought, I have dignified 
 with the Name of the Lover's Lodge, where, 
 under fancied Skies, and painted Clouds, 
 left by Mr.Towelt, I lit and read the true 
 Hiitones of famous Knights and beautiful 
 Damfels, which the Ignorant call Romances. 
 To make my Walk more gloomy, and a- 
 dapted both for Melody and Sadnefs, there 
 lies before me, at prefent,a Death's Head, 
 my Bafe-Viol, and the Hiftory of Grand 
 Cyrus. I cannot tell by what Chance, I 
 have alfo fome Ridiculous Writers in my 
 Study, for I have an Averfion for Comicks, 
 and thofe they call pleafant Fellows, for 
 they are infenfible of Love. Thofe Crea- 
 tures get into a Familiarity with Ladies, 
 without refpeft on either fide, and confe- 
 quently can neither fee what is amiable, 
 or be the Objefts of Love. I wonder 
 how thefe Buffoons came into my Head. 
 But I was going to intimate, that the No- 
 tions of Gallantry are turned topfie-turvey, 
 and the Knight-Errantry of this profligate 
 Age is deftroying as many Women as they 
 can. It is notorious, that a young Man of 
 Condition does no more than is expelled 
 from him, if before he thinks of fettling 
 himfelf in the World, he is the Ruin of 
 half a dozen Females, whofe Fortunes are 
 unequal to that which his laborious An- 
 ceflors, whether fuccefsful in Virtue or 
 Iniquity, have left him. 
 
 THUS
 
 16 The LOVER. Nx. 
 
 THUS I every Day fee Innocents a- 
 bufed, fcorned, betrayed and neglecled by 
 Brutes, who have no Senfe of any thing 
 but what indulges their Appetites; andean 
 no longer fuffer the more charming and ac- 
 compliihed Part of the Species to want a 
 Friend and Advocate, i (hall enquire, in 
 due time, and make every Anti-Heroe in 
 Great Britain give me an Account why 
 one Woman is not as much as ought to fall 
 to his Share; and fhall (hew every aban- 
 doned Wanderer, that with all his blufter- 
 ing, his reftlefs following every Female he 
 fees, is much more ridiculous, than my 
 conftant, imaginary Attendance on my 
 Fair One, without ever feeing her at all. 
 
 BUT the mainPurpofe of this Chapter 
 I had like to have flipped over, to wit, the 
 more exacl: Account of my Bower: As it 
 is not natural for a Man in Love to fleep 
 all Night, but to be a great Admirer of 
 Walking, I am at the Charge of four Ta- 
 pers burning all Night, and take my Itine- 
 rations, with much gloomy Satisfaction, 
 from one end to the other of my long Room, 
 my Field-Bed being too ftnall to interrupt 
 my Paffage, tho' placed in the middle of 
 my Apartment. No one who has not been 
 polite enough to have vifited Mr. PowelFs 
 Theatre, can have a Notion how \ am ac- 
 commodated ; but if you will fuppofe a (in- 
 gle Man had Weflminfier-HAll for his Bed- 
 
 Chamber,
 
 Ni. The LOVER. 17 
 
 Chamber, and lay in a Truckle-Bed in the 
 midft of it, it will give you a pretty good 
 Idea of the Poiture in which 1 dream (but 
 with Honour and Chaftity) of the incom- 
 parable Mrs. Tage. 
 
 MY PredeceiTbrs in Knight-Errantry, 
 who were, as I above obferved, Men of 
 the Sword, had their Lodgings adorned 
 with burnifhed Arms round the Corniflies, 
 Limbs of dryed Giants over their Heads 
 and all about the Moat of their Cattle, 
 where they walked by Moon-light; but as 
 I am a Pen-Champion and live in Town, 
 and have quite another fort of People to 
 deal with, to wit, the Criticks, Beaus and 
 Rakes of Covent-Garden, I have nothing 
 but Stand-difhes, Pens and Ink, and Pa- 
 per, on little Tables at equal Diftance, 
 that no Thought may be lolt as I am mu- 
 fing. I am forced to comply, more than 
 my Inclinations and high Paffions would 
 otherwife permit, and tell the World how- 
 to correfpond with me, after their own 
 Method, in the common Way: I am to 
 fignifie, therefore, ^that I am more accef- 
 fible than any other Knights ever were be- 
 fore me, and in plain Terms, that there 
 is a Coffee-houfe under my Apartment; 
 nay further, that a Letter directed, to Mr. 
 Marmaduke Myrtle at the Lover's Lodge^ 
 to be left at Shanley's Coffee-houfe Covent- 
 C Garden,
 
 is The LOVER. N *. 
 
 Garden, will find the gentleft of Mortals, 
 Your mod Enamoured, Humble Servant. 
 
 N3. Tuefday March 2. 
 
 Toung Nobles^ to my Laws Attention lend". 
 And all you Vitlgar of my School^ attend. 
 
 Art of Love, Congreve. 
 
 Lovers- Lodge, March 2. 
 
 NO \V I have told all the World my 
 N.ime and Place of Abode, it isim- 
 pollible for me to enjoy the Studi- 
 ous Retirement I promised my felf in this 
 place. For moll of the People of Wit and 
 Quality who frequented th*fe Lodgings in 
 N r. Powetrs time, have been here, and I 
 leaving a filly Creature of a Footman who 
 i r lived but with private Gentlemen, 
 ami cannot ftedfatlly Lie, they all fee by 
 his Countenance he does not fpeak Truth 
 when he denies me, and will break in up- 
 on me. It is an unfpeakable Pleafure that 
 fo many beauteous Ladies have made me 
 Compliments upon my Defign to favour and 
 defend the Sex ajainit all Pretenders with- 
 out Merit, and thofe who have Merit, and 
 ufe it only to deceive and betray. The 
 principal Fair ones of the Town, and the 
 
 mofc
 
 N3: The L O V E R. 19 
 
 moft eminent Toads, have fign'd an Ad- 
 drefs of Thanks to me, and in the Body 
 of it laid before me fotne Grievances, a- 
 mong which the greatefl are the evil Pra- 
 dices of a Sett of Perfons whom they call 
 in their Prefentation the Lovers Vagabond. 
 There has been indeed, ever flnce i knew 
 this Town, one Man of Condition or o- 
 ther, who has been at the Head, and, gi- 
 ving Example to this fort of Companions, 
 been the Model for the Faftiion. It would 
 be a vain thing to pretend to Property in a 
 Country where Thieves were tolerated, 
 and it is as much fo to talk of Honour and 
 Decency when the prevailing Humour runs 
 diredly againft them. The Lovers Vaga- 
 bond are an Order of Modern Adventurers, 
 who feem to be the exaft Oppofite to that 
 venerable and chafte Fraternity,which were 
 formerly called Knights Errant. As a Knight 
 Errant profeiTed the Practice and Prote- 
 clion of all Virtues, particularly Challity, a 
 Lover Vagabond tramples upon all Rights 
 Domeftick, Civil, Human and Divine, to 
 come at his own Gratification in the Cor- 
 ruption of Innocent Women. There are 
 fometimes Perfons of good Accomplifli- 
 ments- and Faculties who commence fe- 
 cretly Lovers Vagabond-^ but tho' Amo- 
 rous Stealths have been imputed by fome 
 Hiftorians to the wifeft and greateit of 
 Mankind, yet none but fuperficial Men 
 C i have
 
 20 The L O V E R. N 3- 
 
 have ever publickly entered into the Lift 
 of the Vagabond. A Lover Vagabond* 
 confidering him in his utmofl Perfection 
 and Accomplifhment, is but a feeming 
 Man. He ufually has a Command of infig- 
 nificant Words accompanied with eafie 
 Aftion, which pafles among the fillier part 
 of the Fair for Eloquence and fine Breed- 
 ing. He has a Mein of Condefcention, 
 from the Knowledge that his Carriage is 
 not abfurd, which he purfues to n the ut- 
 mofl Impudence. He can cover any Be- 
 haviour, or cloath any Idea with Words 
 that to an unskilful Ear {hall bear nothing 
 of Offence. He has all the Sufficiency 
 which little Learning, and general Notices 
 of things give to giddy Heads, and is 
 wholly exempt from that Diffidence which 
 almott always accompanies great Senfe and 
 great Virtue in the Prefence of the Ad- 
 mired. But the Lover Vagabond loving no 
 Woman fo much as to be diftrefTed for the 
 lofs of her, his Manner is generally eafie 
 and janty, and it muft be from very good 
 Senfe and Experience in Life, that he does 
 not appear amiable. It happens unfortu- 
 nately for him, tho' much to the Advan- 
 tage of thofe whom I have taken under my 
 Care, that the chief of this Order, at pte- 
 fent, among us in Great Britain^ is but a 
 fpeculative ^Debauchee. He has the Lan- 
 guage, the Air, the tender Glance; he can 
 
 hang
 
 N*3. The LOVER. 21 
 
 hang upon a Look, has molt exaftly the 
 fudden Veneration of Face when he is 
 catched ogling one whofe Pardon he would 
 beg for gazing, he has the Exultation at 
 leading off a Lady to her Coach; can let 
 drop an indifferent thing, or call her Ser- 
 vants with a Loudnefs, and a certain gay 
 Infolence well enough ; nay, he will hold 
 her Hand too fait for a Man that leads her, 
 and is indifferent to her, and yet come to 
 that Gripe with fuch flow Degrees, that 
 ihe cannot fay he fqueezed her Hand, but 
 for any thing further he has no Inclinati- 
 on. This Chieftain, however, I fear will 
 give me more Plague andDiflurbance than 
 any one Man with whom I am to engage, 
 or rather whom I am to circumvent. He 
 is bufie in all Places; an ample Fortune 
 and vigour of Life enable him to carry on 
 a fhew of great Devaluation where-ever he 
 comes. But I give him hereby fair Warn- 
 ing to turn his Thoughts to new Enter- 
 tainments, upon pain of having it difco- 
 vered that ihe is ftill a Virgin upon whom 
 he made his laft Settlement. The Secret, 
 that he is more innocent than he feems, is 
 preferved by great Charge and Expence 
 on humble Retainers and Servants of his 
 Pleafures. But fome of the Women, who 
 are above the Age of Novices, have found 
 him put, and have in a private Gang given 
 him the Nick-name of the Btite, for that 
 C 3 they
 
 22 The LOVER. N3 ; 
 
 they find themfelves blafted by him, tho 7 
 they are not fenlible of his Touch, it was 
 the other Day faid, at a Vifit, Mr. fuch a 
 one, naming the Elite, had ruined a cer- 
 tain youn?; Lady; Nv, faid a fenfible Fe- 
 male, If /he fays fo, I am fur e /he wrongs 
 him. He may, continued ihe, with an Air 
 of a difappomted Woman, between Rage 
 and Laughter, hire Ruffians to abufe her, 
 but many a Woman has come out of the BliteV 
 Hands evenfafer than /he wijhed. I know 
 one to whom, at parting, with a thoufand 
 Poetical Repetitions, and pr effing her Hands, 
 he vowed he would tell no Body ; but the 
 Flirt, throwing out of his Arms, anfwered 
 fertly, \ don't make ypu the fame Pro- 
 mife. 
 
 THO' I fliall from time to time difplay 
 the Lovers Vagabond in their proper Co- 
 lours, I here publifli an Ad of In temnity 
 to all Females who took them for fine 
 Fellows 'till my \Vritings appeared, that 
 is to fay, (for in a publick Act we mud be 
 very clear) I fhail not look back to any 
 thing that happened before Thurfday the 
 i^th of February lail pall, that being the 
 firft Day of my Appearance in Publick. 
 
 I expect, therefore, to find that on that 
 Day all vagrant Defires took their leave 
 of the Cities of London and JVeftminfter. 
 
 IN order to recover Simplicity of Man^ 
 tiers wiphput t,he Lofs of true Gaiety of 
 
 Life,
 
 N3- The LOVER. 23 
 
 Life, I fhall take upon me the Office of 
 Arbiter Elegantianim. \ cannot eaiily put 
 thofe two Latin into two as exprefFive En- 
 glijb Words; but my Meaning is, to fee 
 up for a Judge of elegant Pleasures, and I 
 fhall dare to affert, in the firft place, (to 
 ihew both the difcerning and feverity of a 
 juft Jud<:e) that the greateft Elegance of 
 Delights confilts in the Innocence of them ; 
 J expect, therefore, a Seat to be kept for 
 me at all Balls, and a Ticket fent, that by 
 my felf, or a fubordinate Officer of mine, 
 J may know whaj is done and faid at all 
 AlTemblies of Diverfion ; I {hall take care 
 to fubititute none, where I cannot be my 
 felf prefent, who are not fit for the belt 
 bred Society ; in the Choice of fuch De- 
 puties 1 {hall have particular regard to their 
 being accomplifhed in the little Ufages of 
 ordinary and common Life, as well as in 
 noble and liberal Arts. 
 
 I have many Youths, who, in the inter- 
 mediate Seafons between the Terms at the 
 Univerfities, are under my Difcipline, af- 
 ter being perfect Mafters of the Greek and 
 Roman Eloquence, to learn of me ordina- 
 ry things, fuch as coming in, and going 
 out of a Room. Mr. Severn himfelf, tvhom 
 I now make the Pattern of Good-breeding, 
 and my top fine Gentleman, was with me 
 twice a Day for fix Months upon his firft 
 coming to Town, before he could leave 
 C 4 the
 
 24 The LOVER. N 3 . 
 
 the Room with any tolerable Grace; when 
 he had a mind to be going he never could 
 move without bringing in the Words, 
 Well Sir , I find I interrupt you ; or Well 
 I fear you have other Bufinefs ; or Well I 
 mufl be going ; hereupon I made him give 
 me a certain Sum of Mony down in Hand, 
 under the Penalty of forfeiting Twenty 
 Shillings every time upon going away he 
 pronounced the Particle well. I will not 
 lay how much it coft him before he could 
 get well out of the Room. Some filly Par- 
 ticle or other, as it were to tack the tak- 
 ing leave with the reft of the Difcourfe, is 
 a common Error of young Men of good 
 Education. 
 
 THO' I have already declared I ihall 
 not ufe Words of Foreign Termination, 1 
 cannot help it if my Correfpondents do it. 
 A Gentleman therefore who fubfcribes A- 
 ronces, and writes to me concerning fome 
 Regulations to be made among a Sett of 
 Country Dancers, muftbe more particular 
 in his Account. His general Complaint is, 
 that the Men who are at the Expence of 
 the Ball, bring People of different Chara- 
 fters together, and the Libertine and In- 
 nocent are huddled, to the Danger of the 
 latter, and Encouragement of the former. 
 I have frequently obferved this kind of 
 Enormity, and muft tefasAronces to give 
 me an exaft Relation of the Airs and Glances 
 
 of
 
 N 3. The LOVER. 2$ 
 
 of the whole Company, and particularly 
 how Mrs. Gatty fets, when it happens that 
 ihe is to pafs by the Lover Vagabond, who, 
 1 find, is got into that Company by the Fa- 
 vour of his Coufin Jenny. For I defignto 
 have a very drift Eye upon thefe Diverfi- 
 ons, and it fhall not fuffice, that, accord- 
 ing to the Author of The Rafe of the Lock 9 
 all Faults are laid upon Sylphs \ when I 
 make my Enquiry, as the fame Author 
 has it, 
 
 What guards the Purity of melting Maids 
 In courtly Balls and midnight Mafyuerades^ 
 Safe from the treacherous Friend and daring Spark^ 
 ?he Glance by Day and Whiff er in the dark ? 
 When kind Occafion prompts their ivarm Dejires 9 
 When Mujick foften s 9 and when Dancing fires? 
 
 Thurfday,
 
 26 The LOVER. N 4 . 
 
 N4. Thurfday, March 4. 
 
 The Dancer joining with the tuneful Throng, 
 Adds decent Motion to the ff rightly Song. 
 This Step denotes the careful Lover, This 
 The hardy Warrior, or the drunken Swifs. 
 His pliant Limbs in various Figures move, 
 And different Geftures different PaJJions prove. 
 Strange Art ! that flows infiknt Eloquence, 
 That to the pleas'd Speftator can difpence 
 Words ivithout Sound, and, 'without fpeakh 
 Senfe. 
 
 Weaver'; Hiftory of Dancing. 
 
 THE great Work which I have be- 
 gun for the Service of the more po- 
 lite Part of this Nation, cannot be 
 fuppofed to be carried on by the Inventi- 
 on and Induitry of a fingle Perion only : 
 It is, therefore, necefTary that I invite all 
 other ingenious Perfons to afTiilme. Con- 
 fidcring my Title is The Lover, and that 
 a good Air and Mien is (in one who pre- 
 tends to pleafe the Kair) as uteful as bkill 
 in all or any of the Arts and Sciences, I 
 am mightily pleafed to obferve, that the 
 Art of Dancing is, of late, come to take 
 Rank in the Learned World, by being com- 
 
 muni-
 
 N4. The LOVER. 27 
 
 rnunicatedin Letters and Characters, as all 
 other parts ot Knowledge have for fome Ages 
 be.n. lihalldeiireall thole of tiie Faculty of 
 Dancing, to write me, from time to time, 
 all the new Steps they take in the Improve- 
 ment of the Science. I this Morning read, 
 with unfpeakable Delight, in The Even- 
 ing Poft, the following Advertifement. 
 
 On Tuefday loft was pulift?d y 
 
 * The Bretagne* a French Dance, by 
 Mr. Tecour y and Writ by Mr. Siris\ 
 Engraven in Characters and Figures, for 
 the ufe of Matters, price is. 6d. Note, 
 Mr. Siris's Ball-Dances are likewife Print- 
 ed, and his original Art of Dancing by 
 Characters and Figures. All Sold by J. 
 Waljb at the Harp and Hautboy in Ca- 
 therine-Street in the Strand. 
 
 TAKE this Dancein its full Extent and 
 Variety, it is the bed I ever read, and tho' 
 Mr. Siris, out of Modefty, may pretend 
 that he has only tranflated it, I cannot but 
 believe, from the Stile, that he himfelf 
 writ it ; and if I know any thing of Writ- 
 ing, he certainly penned the laft Couple. 
 This admirable Piece is full of Inftruftion, 
 you fee it is called the Bretagne^ that is to 
 fiyi the Britain. Tt is intended for a Feili- 
 val Entertainment Hike Mr. Bays^s Grand 
 Dance,) that, upon Occafion of the Peace 
 
 with
 
 28 The LOVER* N4. 
 
 with France and Sfain, the whole Nation 
 Should learn a new Dance together. Some 
 of the beft experienced Perfons in French 
 Dancing, are to praftife it at the great 
 Room in Tor k- buildings, where, it feems, 
 the Mafter of the Revels lives. He, as it 
 is ufual, carries a White Wand in his Hand, 
 and at a Motion made with it to the Mu- 
 fick, the Dance is ro begin. I am credi- 
 bly informed, that out of Refpeft, and for 
 Diftindion-fake, he has ordered, that the 
 firfl Perfon who fliallbe taken out, is to be 
 the Cenfor of Great Britain. I do not 
 think this at all unlikely, nor below the 
 Gravity of that Sage; for it is well known, 
 the Judges of the Land dance the firfl Day 
 of every Term, and it is fuppofed, by fome, 
 they are to dance next after the Cenfor. 
 Mr. Sir is has made the beginning of this 
 Movement very difficult for any one who 
 has not, from his natural Parts, a more than 
 ordinary Qualification that way. The 
 Dance is written in the Genius required by 
 Mr. Weaver in his Hiftory of 'Dancing. The 
 Ancients (fays that more than Peripatetick 
 Philofopher, Mr. Weaver) were fo fond of 
 T)ancingi that Pliny has given us T)ancing 
 Iflandsj which Taffage of Pliny, Caelius Ro- 
 diginus quotes. There is alfo an Account* 
 fays he, that in ^Torrhebian Lakc> which 
 is alfo r^//^r^Nymphaean, there are cer- 
 tain IJlands of the Nymfhs which move 
 
 round
 
 N4- The LOVER. 29 
 
 round in a ring at the found of the Flutes, 
 and are therefore calledtbeCahmine Iflands* 
 from Calamus, a ^ife or Reed \ and alfo 
 the Trancing JJlands, becaufe at the found 
 of the Symfhony they were moved by the 
 beating of the Feet fthe Singers. 
 
 I appeal to all the learned Etytnologifts 
 in Great Britain, whether it is poffible 
 to affign a Reafon for calling this Grand 
 Dance^ The Britain, if the French did not 
 think to make this a dancing liland. The 
 Stile of Mr. Siris is apparently Political, 
 as any judicious Reader will find, if hepe- 
 rufes his Siciliana, which was writ to in- 
 flruft anottter Dancing Ifland, taught by 
 the French. Let any Man who has read 
 Machiavil,zn& underflands Dancing Cha- 
 rafters, call an Eye on Mr. Siris 's fecond 
 Page. It is Entituled, The Siciliana, Mr: 
 Sms'snew "Dance for the Tear 1714. Mr. 
 Siris, a Native of France, you may be 
 fure, fees further into the French Motions 
 for the enfuing Year than we heavy En- 
 glijhmen do, or he would never fay it was 
 m;de for that more than any other Year, 
 for all Authors believe their Works will 
 laft every Year after they are written to 
 the Worlds end. I take it for a fly Satyr up- 
 on the awkard Imitation of all Nations 
 which have not yet learned French Dances, 
 that the very next Page to the Siciliana is 
 called the Baboons Minuet. Then after that 
 
 again,
 
 3O The LOVER. N 4- 
 
 again, to intimidate the People who won't 
 learn from the French, he calls the next 
 the ^Dragoons Minuet : I wiili all good 
 Proteftants to be aware of this Movement^ 
 for they tell me that when it is teaching, a 
 Jefuit, in difguife, plays on the Kit. 
 
 BUT I forget that this is too elaborate 
 for my Charader. All that I have to fay 
 to the matter of Dancing, is only as it 
 regards Lovers; and as I would advife 
 them to avoid dabbling in Politicks, I 
 have explained thefe Political Dances, that 
 the Motions we learn may never end in 
 Warlike ones, like thofe which were per- 
 formed by the Antients with clafhing of 
 Swords, defcribed by Mr. Weaver (\n\\\e 
 above-mentioned Hiflory) out of Llau- 
 dian. 
 
 Here too, the Warlike Dancers kiefs our Sight, ") 
 Their Artful Wandring, and their Laws of flight , V 
 An unconfus^d Return, and inoffenfive Fight. } 
 Soon as the Mafter's Blow proclaims the Prize^ 
 Their moving Breafts in tuneful Changes rife, 
 The Shields falute their Sides, or ftrait arc Jhoivn 
 In Air with waving, deep the Targets groan> 
 Struck with alternate Sivords, which thence rebound^ 
 And end the Confort^ and the Sacred Sound. 
 
 Saturday*
 
 N*r- The LOVER. 31 
 
 NS. Saturday^ March 6. 
 
 My Soul's far better Tarf, 
 
 Ceafe weeping, nor afflifl thy tender Heart. 
 For what thy Father to thy Mother was, 
 'I hat Faith to thee> thatSolemnVowIpafs! 
 Art of Love, Congreve. 
 
 AS J have fixed my Stand in the very 
 Center of Cogent-Garden* a Place 
 for this laft Century particularly 
 famed for Wit and Love, and am near the 
 Play-houfe, where one is reprefented eve- 
 ry Night by the other, I think I ought to 
 be particularly careful of what pafles in my 
 Neighbourhood ; and as I am a profefs'd 
 Knight-Errant, do all that lies in my Power 
 to make theCharming Endowment of Wit, 
 and tfce prevailing Paflion of Love, fubfer- 
 vient ro the Interefls of Honour and Vir- 
 tue. You are to underftand, that having 
 yefterday made an Excurfion from my 
 Lodge, there paffed by me near St. Jame j-'s 
 the Charmer of my Heart. I have, ever 
 fmce her Parents firfl beftowed her, avoid- 
 ed all places by her frequented ; but Acci- 
 dent once or twice in a Year brings the 
 bright Phantom into my fight, upon which 
 there is a flutter in my Bofom for many 
 
 Days
 
 32 The LOVER. N ?. 
 
 Days following; when I confider that du- 
 ring this Emotion I am highly exalted in 
 my Being, and my every Sentiment im- 
 proved by the effects of that Paffion ; when 
 1 reflect that all the Objects which prefent 
 themfelves to me, now are viewed in a 
 different light from that in which they had 
 appeared, had I not lately been exhilara- 
 ted by her Prefence; in fine, when I find 
 in my felf fo flrong an Inclination to oblige 
 and entertain all whom I meet with, ac- 
 companied with fuch a readinefs to re- 
 ceive kind Imprefiions of thofe I converfe 
 with, I am more and more convinced, that 
 this PafTion is in honeft Minds the ftrong- 
 efl Incentive that can move the Soul of 
 Man to laudable Accomplishments. Is a 
 Man Jufl? let him fall in Love and grow 
 Generous ; is a Man Good-natured ? let 
 him Love and grow Publick-fpirited. It 
 immediately makes the Good which is in 
 him mine forth in new Excellencies^nd 
 the 111 vaniih away without the Pain of 
 Contrition, but with a fudden Amend- 
 ment of Heart. This fort of Paflion, to 
 produce fuch Effects, muft neceflarily be 
 conceived towards a modeil and virtuous 
 Woman ; for the Arts to obtain her muft 
 be fuch as are agreeable to her, and the 
 Lover becomes immediately pofiefled with 
 fuch Perfections or Vices, as make way to 
 the Object of his Defires. I have plenty 
 
 of
 
 N5-- The LOVER. 33 
 
 of Examples to enforce thefe Truths, every 
 Night that a Play is afted in my Neigh- 
 bourhood; the noble Refolutions which 
 Heroes in Tragedy take, in order to re- 
 commend themfelves to their MiftrefTes, 
 are no way below the Confideration of the 
 wifefl Men, yet, at the fame time, Inftru- 
 ftions the moil probable to take Place in 
 the Minds ofthe Youngand Inconfiderate: 
 But in our degenerate Age the Poet muffc 
 have more than ordinary bkill to raife the 
 Admiration of the Audience fo high in the 
 more great and publick Parts of his Drama, 
 to make a loofe People attend to a Paflion 
 which they never, or that very faintly, felt 
 in their own Bofoms. That perfect Piece, 
 which has done fo great Honour to our 
 Nation and Language, called Cato, excels 
 as much in the Paflion of its Lovers, as in 
 the fublime Sentiments of its Hero ; their 
 generous Love, which is more Heroick 
 than any Concern in the Chief Characters 
 of moil Dramas, makes but fubordinate 
 Characters in this. 
 
 WHEN Mar eta reproves Juba for en- 
 tertaining her with Love in fuch a Con- 
 juncture of Affairs, wherein the Common 
 Caufe fhould take Place of all other 
 Thoughts, the Prince anfwers in this no- 
 ble Manner : 
 
 D Thy
 
 34 The LOVER. Ny. 
 
 . *fhy Reproofs are jufl 
 
 fbou Virtuous Maid-, fit haft en to my Troops, 
 And fire their languid Souls with Cato'j Virtue. 
 If e'er Head them to the Field^ when all 
 $he War fiall fland ranged in its juft Array^ 
 And dreadful Pomp : tfhen 'will I think on Thee ! 
 O lovely Maid) then will I think on Thee ! 
 And in the Jhock of charging Hofls^ remember 
 What glorious Deeds Jhou'd grace the Man^ who hopes 
 For MarciaV Love. 
 
 IT has been obfervable, that the Stage 
 in all times has had the utmoft Influence 
 on the Manners and Affeftions of Man- 
 kind; and as thofe Reprefentations of Hu- 
 man Life have tended to promote Virtue 
 or Vice, fo has the Age been improved 
 or debauched. I doubt not but the fre- 
 quent Reflections upon Marriage and inno- 
 cent Love, with which our Theatre has 
 long abounded, have been the great caufe 
 of our Corrupt: Sentiments in this refpeft. 
 It is not every Youth that can behold the 
 fine Gentleman of the Comedy reprefent- 
 ed with a good Grace, leading a loofe and 
 profligate Life, and condemning Virtu- 
 ous Affection as infipid, and not be fecret- 
 ly Emulous of what appears fo amiable to 
 a whole Audience. Thefe gay Piclures 
 ftrike ftrong and lading Impreilrons on the 
 Fancy and Imagination of Youth, and are 
 hardly to be erafed in riper Years, unlefs a 
 Commerce between Virtuous and Inno- 
 cent
 
 LOVE Re 35 
 
 cent Lovers be painted with the fame Ad- 
 vantage, and with as lovely Colours by the 
 molt Maflerly Hands on the Theatre. I 
 have faid Mafterly Hands, becaufe they 
 mult be fuch who can run counter to our 
 natural Propenfity to inordinate Pleafure ; 
 little Authors are very glad of Applaufe 
 purchafed any way ; loofe Appetites and 
 Defires are eaiily raifed, but there is a wide 
 Difference between that Reputation and 
 Applaufe which is obtained from our Wan- 
 tonnefs, and that which flows from a Ca- 
 pacity of itirring fuch Affections which, 
 upon cool Thoughts, contribute to our 
 Happinefs. 
 
 BUT I was going to give an Account 
 of the Exultation which I am in, upon an 
 accidental View of the Woman whom I 
 had long loved, with a molt pure, tho' ar- 
 dent Paflion ; but as this is, according to 
 my former Reprefentations of the Matter, 
 no way expedient for her to indulge me in, 
 I muft break the force of ic by leading a 
 Life fuitable and analogous to it, and 
 making all the Town fenfible, how much 
 they owe to her bright Eyes which infpire 
 me in the Performance of my prefent Of- 
 fice, in which I ihall particularly take all 
 the Youth of both Sexes under my Care. 
 
 THE two Theatres, and all the Polite 
 
 Coffee-houfes, I fhall conilantly frequent, 
 
 but principally the Coffee-houfe under my 
 
 D i Lodge,
 
 36 The LOVER. N 9 ?. 
 
 Lodge, Button's, and the Play-houfe in 
 Covent-Garden: But as I let up for the 
 Judge of Pleafures, I think it necefTary to 
 aflign particular Places of Refort to my 
 young Gentlemen as they come to Town, 
 who cannot expeft to pop in at Mr. But- 
 ton's, on the firft Day of their Arrival in 
 Town. I recommend it, therefore, to 
 young Men to frequent Shanlefs fome 
 Days before they take upon them to ap- 
 pear at Button^ ; I have ordered that no 
 one look in the Face of any New-Comer, 
 and taken effe&ual Methods that he may 
 poflefs himfelf of any empty Ghair in the 
 Houfe without being flared at ; but foraf- 
 much as fome who may have been in Town 
 for fome Months together heretofore, by 
 long Abfence have relapfed from the Au- 
 dacity they had arrived at, into their firft 
 Baihfulnefs and Rufticity, 1 have given 
 them the fame Privilege of Obfcure Entry 
 for ten Days. I have directed alfo, that 
 Books be kept of all that pafTes in Town 
 in all the eminent Coffee-houfes that any 
 Gentleman, tho' jull arrived out of Exile 
 from the mott dittant Counties in Great 
 Britain* may as familiarly enter into the 
 Town-Talk, as if he had lodged all that 
 t\mz'mCovent-Garden; but above all things 
 I have provided, that proper Houfes for 
 Bathing and Cupping may be ready for 
 thofe Country Gentlemen, whofe too heal- 
 thy
 
 N*& The LOVER. 37 
 
 thy Vifages give them an Air too Robuft 
 and importunate for this Polite Region of 
 Lovers, who have fo long avoided Wind 
 and Weather, and have every Day been 
 out-ftripp'd by them in the Ground they 
 have pa(Ted over by feveral Miles. As to 
 the Orders under which I have put my Fe- 
 male Youth at Aflemblies, Opera's and 
 Plays, I lhall declare them in a particular 
 Chapter under the Title of, The Govern- 
 ment of the Eye in Tublick T laces. 
 
 N6. Tuefday, March 9, 
 
 On Rows of homely Turf they fat to fee, 
 Crown d with the Wreaths of every common 
 
 Tree. 
 
 There, while theyfitinRuflick Majefy, 
 Each Lover has his Miflrefsin his Eye. 
 
 of Love. 
 
 CORRESPONDENTS begin to 
 
 1^ grow numerous, and indeed i can- 
 
 not but be pleafed with the Intelli- 
 
 gence, which one of them fends me, for 
 
 the Novelty of it. The Gentleman is a ve- 
 
 ry great Antiquary, and tells me he has 
 
 feveral Pieces by him, which are Letters 
 
 D 3 from
 
 38 The LOVER. N 9 6. 
 
 from the Sabine Virgins to their Parents, 
 Friends and Lovers in their own Country, 
 after the famous Rape which laid the Foun- 
 dation of the Roman People. He thinks 
 thefe very proper Memorials for one who 
 writes an Hiftory under the Title of Lover. 
 He has alfo Anfwers to thofe Letters, and 
 pretends Ovid took the Deflgn of his E- 
 piftles from having; had thefe very Papers 
 in his Hands. This you'll fay is a very 
 great Curiofity, and for that Reafon I 
 have refolved to give the Reader the fol- 
 lowing Account, which was written by a 
 Sabine Lady to her Mother, within ten 
 Days after that memorable mad Wedding, 
 and is as follows. 
 
 T>ear Mother, 
 
 is to acquaint you, that I am 
 better pleafed with a very good- 
 natured Husband in this little Village 
 here of Rome, than ever I was in all the 
 State and Plenty at your Houfe. When 
 he firit feized me, I muft confefs he was 
 very rough and ungentle, but he grows 
 much tamer every Day than other, and 
 I do not queftion but we iliall very foon 
 be as orderly andfober a Couple as you 
 and my Father. My Coufm Lydza no 
 body knows of certainly, but the poor 
 Girl had two or three Husbands in the 
 Rout, and as ilie is very pretty, they fay 
 all contend for her dill. Romulus has ap- 
 
 pointed
 
 N<*. The LOVER: 39 
 
 6 pointed a Day to fix the difputed Mar- 
 
 * riages; buc it is very remarkable, that fe- 
 
 < veral can neither agree to live together, 
 
 < or to part. For if one propofes it, that 
 
 * is taken fo mortally ill, that the other 
 will infift upon {laying, at leall till theo- 
 
 * ther confents to ftay,and then the Party 
 who denied demands a Divorce, to be 
 revenged of the fame Inclination in the 
 other. Thus they fay, they cannot con- 
 
 * fentto cohabit till they are upon anEqua- 
 
 * lity in having each refufed the other. 
 
 < This you muft believe will make a great 
 perplexity; but Romulus, who expeds a 
 f War, will have great regard to let none 
 
 * who do not like each other {lay toge- 
 ther, and makes it a Maxim, that a Ro- 
 c bull Race is not to be expected to de- 
 
 < fcend from Wranglers. Pray let meknow 
 
 * how my Lover, who propofed himfelf 
 
 * to you, bears the lofs of me. Imuftcon- 
 6 fefs I could not but refent his being in- 
 
 * different on this Occafion, after all the 
 ' Vows and Proteflations he made when 
 
 * you left us together. I don't queilion but 
 
 * he will make Jefls upon the Poverty of 
 
 * the Romans; but they threaten here, that 
 
 * if you are not very well contented with 
 c what has palled, they will make you a 
 
 * Vifit with Swords in their Hands, and 
 
 * demand Portions with your Daughters. 
 
 < When I was made Prize by my good 
 
 D 4 . Man,
 
 40 The LOVER. N 6. 
 
 Man, who is remarkably Valiant, (for 
 which reafon they left me undifputed 
 in his Hands) he foon took off my firft 
 Terrors from my Obfervation of that his 
 Preheminence, and a certain determinate 
 Behaviour, with a dying Fondnefs that 
 glowed in his Eyes. I told him from 
 what I faw other People fuffer, I could 
 not but think my Lot very fortunate, that 
 1 had fallen into his Hands, and begged 
 of him he would indulge my Curiofity 
 in going with me to ibme Eminence, 
 and obierve what befel the reft of my 
 Friends and Countrywomen. He did 
 fo, and from the Place we flood on, I 
 obferved what patted in all the hurlyburly, 
 he obferving to me the Quality and Me- 
 rit of the Husbands, 1 giving to him an 
 account of the Wives. How itrangely 
 Truth will out! Hifpulla^s I faw, when 
 they were llrugling for her, has crook- 
 ed Legs ; Chloe laughed fo violently when 
 fhe was carried off, that I obferved her 
 Lover, as pretty as fhe is, hardly thought 
 it a Purchafe ; while Iftttynna, as home- 
 ly as {he is, by muffling her Face and 
 fhrieking, was contended for by twenty 
 Rivals ; that arch Creature Flora has e- 
 fcaped by offering her felf; as foon as 
 t fhe perceived what was intended, fhe 
 ? got upon a little Hillock and cried out, 
 5 WL o will have me, who will have me ? 
 
 Her?
 
 N 6. The LOVER. 41 
 
 * Here I am ; come take me. This forward- 
 nefs made every Man think her a com- 
 
 * mon Woman, and the Flirt is now fafe 
 under the Protection of Romulus, as a 
 Woman not yet difpofed of; but when 
 her Character and Innocence is known, 
 it is thought me will fall to the Lot of 
 ' Marcius, for his generous Behaviour to 
 Thaleftrinfiy who you know was betroth- 
 
 * ed to Cincinnatus : Marcius&nd Cincinna- 
 
 < tus have long been mortal Enemies, and 
 6 met each other inSkirmifhes of our dif- 
 
 < ferent Nations, wherein fometimes one, 
 
 < fometimes the other has been fucceisful. 
 This noble Virgin, whofe Beauty and 
 Virtue diftinguiflied her above all the 
 
 * Sabine Youth, fell into the Hands of 
 Marcius. Our Apartments here are not 
 
 * very lofty, and Arbors and Grottoes, 
 
 * flrewed withRuflies, Herbage and Flow- 
 
 * ers, makeup the beft Bridal Beds among 
 ' the Romans ; to fuch an Abode as this 
 
 * Marctus dragged the lovely Thaleftrina. 
 c This People are not polite enough, efpe- 
 
 * cially on this Occafion, to exprefs their 
 Paffion by Civility and ceremonious Be- 
 haviour: When Thaleftrina was con vin- 
 
 * ced of Marcius*s immediate Purpofe, 
 c iliefell into a Swoonat his Feet, and with 
 4 a Sigh in her Fall cryed, Oh Cincinnatus! 
 
 4 M^RCrOS, atthefuddennefsofthe 
 f Accident^ and the Name of his Enemy 
 
 ' and
 
 42 The LOVER; 
 
 Rival for Military Glory, was fur- 
 prifed with may different Paflions and 
 Refentments, which all ought to have 
 given way to the Care of Ihakftrina\ 
 but in a Nation of Men only, and on the 
 firlt Day wherein they had a Woman in 
 their Commonwealth, he was much at 
 a lofs how to be affiftant to her; but as 
 he faw Life revive in her, Nature and 
 good Senfediftated rather to abfenthim- 
 felf, than be prefent at the many Diftor- 
 tions of her Perfon incoming to herfelf. 
 He retired, but entered the Place again 
 when he thought flie might be enough 
 recovered to be capable of receiving 
 what he had to fay to her. 
 c H E approached as fhe leaned againfl 
 a Tree which fupported the Bower, and 
 delivered himfelf in thefe Terms. 
 " MA^DAM, The Paflion you were 
 " lately in, your noble Form, and the 
 " Perfon you called upon in your Diitrefs, 
 ** give me to understand you are Thaleftri- 
 " na. I am Martins, and have no Debate 
 " with Cincinnatus ', but on account of 
 <c Glory; were he a Stranger to me, your 
 < c Paffion for him mould fecure you; were 
 " he my Friend, you fhould command all 
 " in my Power, in fpiteof all the Charms 
 " I fee in you; and as he is my Enemy, 
 " I fcorn to wound him in a Circumitance 
 sc wherein he is not capable of making a 
 
 " De
 
 N<*. The LOVER. 43 
 
 < Defence. You have common Humani- 
 " ty, and the Generoiity of an Enemy for 
 " your Safeguard ; 1 will return you to 
 c Cincinnatus\ and I fee, by the beauti- 
 " ful Gratitude which 1 now read in your 
 " Face, you will reprefent thisConduftto 
 <c the Advantage of the Romans^ of whom 
 " there is not one who does not facrifice 
 c his private Paffions to the Service of his 
 " Country. I allure you, I know notwhe- 
 " ther it is more beholden to me this 
 " Day for the Offering which I make of 
 " my Anger, or my Love. 
 ' HE did not put her to the Pain of long 
 
 * Acknowledgments of fo great a Bounty 
 as that of her very felf, but conduced 
 
 * her into the Prefence of Romulus* and 
 told him, with a very joyous Air, he 
 
 * had refigned a fine Woman from his Bedi 
 c to purchafe a Brave Man to his Country. 
 
 4 I know Cincinnatus fo well, that I doubt 
 ' not but he will be a Friend to Rome, and 
 ' interpofe his good Offices for a Peace 
 
 * between us and the Sabines: I hope all 
 
 * will join in the fame Mediation, who 
 have Children here ; for 1 already know 
 not to which Party my Heart would wiih 
 
 * Succefs, if a War Ihould enfue ; for I find 
 4 a Wife is no longer a Daughter or any 
 
 * other Name, which comes in Compe.ti- 
 ' tion with that Relation: But hope things 
 
 * willfo end, that I may have the PIcafure 
 
 * to be the faithful Confort of an honed 
 
 c Man,
 
 44 The LOVER. 
 
 Man, without interfering with any other' 
 Character, efpecially that of, 
 
 Madam, 
 
 Tour 'Dutiful Child, 
 Miramantis. 
 
 N7. Thursday, March 1 1. 
 
 halet &fua caftra Cufido. Ov. 
 
 The Bat tie of ETES. 
 
 IT has been always my Opinion, that a 
 Man in Love fhou'd addrefs himfelf to 
 his MiitrefswithPaffion and Sincerity; 
 and that if this Method fails, it is in vain 
 for him to have recourfe to ArtificeorDif- 
 fimulation, in which he will always find 
 himfelf worfted, unlefs he be a much bet- 
 ter Proficient in the Art than any Man I 
 have yet been acquainted with. 
 
 THE following Letter is a very natural 
 Exemplification of what I have here advan- 
 ced. I have called it The Battle of *Eyes -,as it 
 brought to my Mind feveral Combats of 
 the fame Nature, which I have formerly 
 had with Mrs. Ann Tage. 
 
 Sweet
 
 N 7. The LOVER. 45 
 
 Sweet Mr. MYRTLE, 
 ^ T Have for fome time beenforely fmit- 
 
 - c ten by Mrs. Lucy, who is a Maiden 
 ' Lady in the Twenty Eighth Year of her 
 Age. She has fo much of the Coquette 
 < in her, that it fupplies the place of Youth, 
 and flill keeps up the Girl in her Afpeft 
 and Behaviour. She has found out the 
 
 * Art of making me believe that I have the 
 firft place in her AfFedion, and yet fo 
 ' puzzles me by a double Tongue, and 
 
 * an ambiguous Look, that about once a 
 
 * Fortnight I fancy I have quite loft her. I 
 was the other Night at the Opera, where 
 feeing a place in the fecond Row of the 
 
 * Queen's Box kept by Mrs. Lucy\ Live- 
 
 * ry, I placed my felf in the Pit direftly 
 
 * over-againft her Footman, being deter- 
 
 * mined to ogle her moft paflionately all 
 
 * that Evening I had not taken my Stand 
 
 * there above a Quarter of an Hour, when 
 
 * Enter Mrs. Lucy. At her firft coming 
 in I expefted me would have caft her 
 c Eye upon her humble Servant ; but, in- 
 
 * {lead of that, after having dropp'd Curt- 
 fie after Curtfie to her Friends in the 
 
 * Boxes, ftie began to deal her Salutes a- 
 
 * bout the Pit in the fame liberal manner. 
 6 Although I ftood in the full Point of View, 
 
 * and, as I thought, made a better Figure 
 than any body about me, (he flid her 
 
 c Eye
 
 46 The LOVER. N 7 . 
 
 * Eye over me, Curtfied to the Right and 
 
 * to the Left, and would not fee me for 
 the fpace of three Minutes. I fretted 
 
 * inwardly to find my felf thus openly af- 
 
 * fronted on every fide, and was refolved 
 
 * to let her know my Refentments by the 
 
 * rirft Opportunity. This happened foon 
 
 * after; for Mrs. Lucy looking upon me, 
 
 * as tho' (lie had but juft difcovered me, 
 
 * fhe begun to fink in the firft offer to a 
 
 * Curtfie; upon which, inftead of making 
 c her any return, I cocked my Nofe, and 
 dared at the Upper Gallery; and imme- 
 4 diately after railing my felf on Tiptoe, 
 
 * ftretched out my Neck, and bowed to a 
 c Lady who fate juft behind her. 1 found, 
 by my Coquette's Behaviour, that Hie 
 
 * was not a little nettled at this my Civili- 
 < ty, which patted over her Head. She 
 looked as pale as Aflies, fell a talking 
 with one that fat next her, and broke out 
 into feveral forced Smiles and Fits of 
 
 * Laughter, which 1 dare fay there was no 
 
 * manner of occafion for. Being refolved 
 c to puih my Succefs, I caft my Eye through 
 c the whole Circle of Beauties, and made 
 
 * my Bow to every one that I knew, and 
 to feveral whom I never faw before in my 
 
 * Life. Things were thus come to an o- 
 
 * pen Rupture, when the Curtain rifing, 
 
 * I was forced to face about, I had not fat 
 
 6 down
 
 7V The LOVER, 47 
 
 down long, but my Heart relented, and 
 gave me feveral Girds and Twitches for 
 the barbarous Treatment which 1 had 
 fliewn to Mrs. Lucy. I longed to fee the 
 Act ended, and to make Reparation for 
 what I had done. At thefirft rifmg of the 
 Audience, between the Ads, our Eyes 
 met ; but as mine begun to offer a Parley, 
 the hard-hearted Slut conveyed her felf 
 behind an old Lady in fuch a man- 
 ner, that fhe was concealed from me for 
 feveral Moments. This gave me new 
 matter of Indignation, and I begun to 
 fancy I had loft her for ever. While I 
 was in this perplexity of Thought, Mrs. 
 Lucy lifted her felf up from behind the La- 
 dy who lhadowed her, and peeped at me 
 over her right Shoulder. Nay, Madam, 
 thinks I to my felf, if thofe are yourTi icks, 
 I will give you as good as you bring ;up- 
 on which 1 withdrew, in a great Paffion* 
 behind a tall broad-fhouldered Fellow, 
 who was very luckily placed before me. 
 I here lay Incog for at lead three Se- 
 
 * conds ; Snug was the Word ; but being 
 very uneafie in that Situation, I again e- 
 
 * merged into open Candle-light, when 
 
 * looking for Mrs. Lucy, I could fee no- 
 
 * thing but the old Woman, who fcreen- 
 
 * ed her for the remaining Part of the In- 
 
 * terlude. I was then forced to fit down to 
 
 * the Second Aft, being very much agitated 
 
 6 and
 
 48 The L O V E R. N 7 . 
 
 ' and tormented in Mind. I was terribly 
 afraid that fhe had difcovered my Unea- 
 finefs, as well knowing, that if fhe caught 
 ' me at fuch an Advantage, fhe would ufe 
 
 < me like a Dog. For this Reafon I was 
 refolved to play the Indifferent upon 
 c her at my next flanding up. The Second 
 
 * A& 9 therefore, was no fooner finifhed, 
 c but I fattened my Eye upon a young Wo- 
 man who fat at the further End of the 
 
 * Boxes, whifpering at the fame time, to 
 ' one who was near me, with an Air of 
 Pleafure and Admiration. I gazed up- 
 on her a long time, when Healing a 
 c Glance at Mrs. Lucy, with a Defign to 
 fee how me took it, I found her Face 
 
 < was turned another way, and that fhe 
 
 * was examining, from Head to Foot, a 
 young well-drefTed Rafcal who flood be- 
 
 * hind her. This cut me to the Quick, 
 
 * and notwithstanding I tofled back my 
 
 * Wig,rapped my Snuff-box, difplayed my 
 c Handkerchief, and at laft cracked a Jeft 
 ' with an Orange Wench, to attracl her 
 Eye, fhe perfifled in her confounded 
 
 * Ogle, till Mrs Rob'mfon came upon the 
 *. Stage to my Relief. I now fate down 
 8 fufficiently mortified, and determined, 
 c at the end of the Opera, to make my Sub- 
 4 miffion in the moll humble Manner. Ac- 
 cordingly, rifingup, I put oh a fneaking 
 c penitential Look, but, to my unfpeaka- 
 
 ' ble
 
 N7- The LOVER. 49 
 
 * ble Confufion, found her Back turned 
 
 * upon me. 
 
 * I had now nothing left for it but to 
 make amends for all by handing her to 
 c her Chair. I bullied through the Crowd, 
 
 * and got to her Box-door as foon as pof- 
 fible, when, to my utter Confufion, the 
 young Puppy, I have been telling you 
 of before, bolted out upon me with Mrs. 
 Lucy in his Hand. 1 could not have 
 ftarted back with greater Precipitation 
 if I had met a Ghoft. The malicious 
 Gipfie took no Notice of me, but turn- 
 ing aiide her Headfaid fomething to her 
 Dog of a Gentleman-Ufher, with a Smile 
 that went to my Heart. I could not fleep 
 all Night for it, and the next Morning 
 writ the following Letter to her. 
 
 cc T Proteft I meant nothing by what paf- 
 * " fed laft Night, and beg you will 
 " put the mofl candid Interpretation up- 
 " on my Looks and Aftions ; for howe- 
 " ver my Eyes may wander, there is none 
 " but Mrs. Lucy who has the entire Pof- 
 " feffion of my Heart. 
 / am* Madam, 
 
 th aPaJfiontkatisnot to beexpreffed either byLookr, 
 Words, or Aftiom, 
 
 Tour tnojl Vntlienable^ 
 
 and moft Humble Servant , 
 
 Tom. Whiffle. 
 E AND
 
 50 The LOVER. Ns. 
 
 * AND now, Sir, what do you think 
 
 * was her Anfwer? Why, to give you a 
 
 * true Notion of her, and that you may 
 
 * guefs at all her curfed Tricks by this 
 one Here it is. 
 
 Mr. Whiffle, 
 
 c T Am very much furpriied to hear you 
 -* " talk of any thing that patted be- 
 " tween us lafl Night, when to the bed of 
 " my Remembrance I have not feen you 
 " thefe three Days. 
 
 Tour Servant, 
 L. T. 
 
 N8. Saturday, March 13. 
 
 Linquenda, Tellus & *Domus & Ptacens 
 Vxor. Hor. 
 
 IN the Calculation of a Man's Happinefs 
 in Life, there is no one Circumilance 
 which ought more carefully to be con- 
 fid ered, than the ObjecT: of one's Love. 
 As that will certainly take full PofTeffion 
 of the Heart, except it be refifted in time, 
 
 it
 
 N8. ?h* LOVER. si 
 
 it is the utmoft Madnefs to let your Af- 
 fetfion fix where you cannot expedt the 
 Approbation of your Reafon. If a Man 
 does not take this Precaution, his Days will 
 pafs away with frivolous Pleafures and fo- 
 lid Vexations ; his own Reflections only 
 muftfoften his Misfortunes and Affliclions; 
 but he can have no recourfe, no help from 
 his cooler Thoughts, who dare not admit 
 fiis Reafon into his Council. We cannot 
 look back upon the Pleafures which flow 
 from loofe Defire, but with Remorfe and 
 Contrition, and therefore the Mind can- 
 not recur to them on occafions of Diftrefs, 
 to borrow Comfort; but honourable Love, 
 tho' it has all the Softnefs and Tendernefs 
 which Imagination can form, can be ad- 
 mitted under the fevered Affliction, and is 
 the bed Inftrument to break its Force ; but 
 as it breaks the Force of Sorrow, it does 
 not do it by wholly removing the Affiifti- 
 on, but rather by diverfifying it. He that 
 is under any great Calamity, lofes the 
 Senfe of it, as it touches himfelf ; and his 
 Affliction, which, perhaps, would have had 
 in it the Terrors of Fear and Shame, is, 
 by the neglect of his own part in the Affair, 
 turned only into Pity and Companion fora 
 tender Wife who participates it. This kind 
 of Concern carries an Antidote to itsPoi- 
 fon, and the Merit of her regard to him 
 has fomething in it fo pleafing, that the 
 E 2, Soul
 
 52 The LOVER. N'8. 
 
 Soul feels a fecret Confolation in the Hap- 
 pinefs of being poffefled of fuch a Compa- 
 nion, at the fame time that he thinks 
 her Participation is the greateft Article of 
 hisDiftrefs. In all Ages Men who have dif- 
 fered from the Sentiments of the World, 
 when they have been precipitated by Fury 
 and Party, and been facrificedto the Rage 
 of their Enemies, have in Trials of this 
 fort funk under their Diftrefles, or be- 
 haved themfelves decently in them, accord- 
 ing to' the Support which they have met 
 with from the Domeftick Partners of their 
 Affliction. This is an Opportunity to vent 
 the fecret Pangs ofHeart to one whofe Love 
 makes nothing ungrateful, or, to utter the 
 Senfe of Injuries, where that appears con- 
 fcious Virtue, which to any other Audi- 
 ence would found like Pride and Arro- 
 gance. 
 
 THERE are indeed very tender things 
 to be recited from the Writings of Poeti- 
 cal Authors, which exprefsthe utmoftTen- 
 dernefs in an amorous Commerce; but in- 
 deed I never read any thing which, tome, 
 had fo much Nature and Love, as an Ex- 
 preilion or two in the following Letter; 
 but the Reader muft be let into the Cir- 
 cumftance of the Matter, to have a right 
 Senfe of it. The Epiftle was written by a 
 Gentlewoman to her Husband, who was 
 condemned to fuffer Death: The unfor- 
 tunate
 
 N* 8. The LOVER. 5 ? 
 
 tunate Cataftrophe happened at Exeter in 
 the Time of the late Rebellion. A Gen- 
 tleman, whofe Name was Pcnruddock, to 
 whom the Letter was written, was Bar- 
 baroufly Sentenced to die without theleaft 
 Appearance of Juftice. He afferted the 
 Illegality of his Enemies Proceedings, with 
 a Spirit worthy his Innocence, and the 
 Night before his Death his Lady writ to 
 him the Letter which I fo much admire, 
 and is as follows; 
 
 Mrs. TenruddocPs laft Letter to her 
 Husband. 
 
 My dear Heart* 
 
 c IV/f Y fad Parting was fo far from making 
 IV J. me f or g et y OU) tnat I fcarce 
 
 thought upon my felf fince, but wholly 
 upon you. Thofedear Embraces which 
 I yet feel, and (hall never lofe, being the 
 faithful Teitimonies of an indulgent Huf- 
 band, have charm'd my Soul to fuch a 
 Reverence of your Remembrance, that 
 were it poffible, 1 would, with my own 
 Blood, cement your dead Limbs to Life 
 again; and (with Reverence) think it no 
 Sin to rob Heaven a little while longer 
 of a Martyr. Oh my Dear! you mult 
 now pardon my PafTion, this being 
 my laft (oh fatal Word) that ever you 
 will receive from me; and know, that 
 E 3 * until
 
 54 The LOVER. 
 
 until the lall Minute that I can imagine 
 . you lhall live, I will facrifice the Prayers 
 
 * of a Chriitian, and the Groans of an af- 
 
 < flifted Wife. And when you are not 
 c (which fure by Sympathy 1 lhall know) 
 1 mall wiftimy own Diflblutioa with you, 
 
 < that fo we may go Hand in Hand to Hea- 
 ' ven. 'Tis too late to tell you what I have, 
 c or rather have not done for you ; how 
 ' turn'd out of Doors becaufe 1 came to 
 
 * beg Mercy; the Lord lay not your Blood 
 
 * to their Charge. I would fain Difcourfe 
 
 * longer with you, but dare not; Pailion 
 
 * begins to drown my Reafon, and will 
 
 * rob me of my devoire, which is all I have 
 6 left to ferye you. Adieu therefore ten 
 
 * thoufand times, my deareft Dear; and 
 
 * fmce I muft never fee you more, take 
 this Prayer; May yourFaith be fo flrength- 
 c ened that your Conttancy may continue, 
 6 a*nd then I know Heaven will receive 
 
 * you; whither Grief and Love will in a 
 c fhort time (I hope) tranilate, 
 
 My <Dear, 
 
 Tour fad, but conflant Wife even to 
 love your slftjes when 
 
 Arundel Penruddock. 
 
 c May the 3d, i^S'f, n a-Clock at 
 ? Night. Your Children beg your lileffing, 
 * and prefent their Dqties to you ? I
 
 N8, The LOVER. 5$ 
 
 I do not know that I have ever read any 
 thing fo affedionate as that Line, Thoje 
 dear Embraces which yet I feel. 
 
 Mr.y ENRWD U O CK\ Anfwerhas 
 an equal Tendernefs, which I fhall recite 
 alfo, that the Town may difpute whether 
 the Man or the Woman exprefled themfelves 
 the more kindly, and flrive to imitate them 
 in lefs Circumttances of Diftrefs; for from 
 all, no Couple upon Earth are exempt. 
 
 Mr. Tenruddoclts laft Letter to his Lady. 
 
 <Deareft befl of Creatures^ 
 i T Had takeji leave of the World when I 
 * * received Yours: It did at oncerecal 
 my Fondnefs for Life, and enable me to 
 reiign it. As I am fure I mall leave none 
 behind me like you, which weakens my 
 Refolution to part from you, fo when I 
 refleft I am going to a Place where there 
 are none but fuch as you, I recover my 
 Courage. But Fondnefs breaks in upon 
 me; and as I would not have my Tears 
 flow to mqMow, when your Husband, 
 and the Frfffier of our dear Babes, is a 
 Publick Spectacle; Do not think mean- 
 ly of me, that I give way to Grief now 
 in private, when 1 fee my Sand run fo faft, 
 and 1 within few Hours am to leave you 
 Helplefs, and expofed to the Mercilefs 
 and Infolent, that have wrongfully put 
 E 4 < me
 
 56 The L O V E R. N 9 . 
 
 me to a lhamelefs Death, and will objeft 
 that Shame to my poor Children. I thank 
 ' you for all your Goodnefs to me, and 
 will endeavour fo to die, as to do nothing 
 c unworthy that Virtue in which we have 
 c mutually fupported each other, and for 
 which I defire you notRepine thatl am firtt 
 to be rewarded, fince you ever preferred 
 
 * me to your felfinall other things ; afford 
 
 * me, with Chaarfulnefs, the Precedence 
 in this. 
 
 < I defire your Prayers in the Article of 
 
 * Death, for my own will then be offered 
 
 * for You and Yours. 
 
 . <Penruddock. 
 
 N9. Tuefday, March 16. 
 
 Quanta labor as in Charybdi ! Hor. 
 
 UPON my opening idfte Lover's Box 
 this Morning, I ftWmd nothing in 
 it but the following Letter, made 
 up very nicely, and fealeci with a little Cu- 
 fid holding a flaming Heart in each Hand, 
 and circumfcribed, Love' unites us. I find, 
 by the Contents of this Letter, that my 
 Corr-efpondem will foon change his Device, 
 
 and
 
 I.OVER. 57 
 
 and perhaps make the Figure of Hymen 
 perform that part which, at prefent, he has 
 aligned to 'Cufid. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 $ A S you are a Man of Experience in 
 C* < the World, I beg your Advice in 
 
 a Matter of great Importance to me. I 
 have, for fome time, been engaged in 
 chfe Friendfhip with a fine Woman: 
 Your Knowledge of Mankind will eafiiy 
 inform you of the Purport of that Phrafe. 
 In fhort, I have lived with her, as with ^ 
 She-Friend, in the utmoft Propriety of 
 that Term; but, at prefent, I am under 
 a very great Embarafs ; for having run 
 out molt of my Fortune, in the Courfe 
 of my Converfation with her, I find my 
 felf neeeffitated to go into a new way of 
 Life, and by that means to make my 
 felf whole again. A favourable Oppor- 
 tunity prefents it felf: A rich Widow 
 (the common Refuge of us idle Fellows) 
 has fpoke kindly of me, and I have Rea- 
 fon to believe will very fhortly put me 
 in Pofleflion of her Perfon and Jointure. 
 Tell me, dear Mr. Myrtle^ how I fhall 
 communicate this Affair to the poor 
 Creature whom I am going to forfake. 
 If I know her Temper, fhe loves me fo 
 well that fhe would rather fee me beg- 
 gar'd and undone, than in a State of 
 
 Wealth
 
 $S The LOVER. N 9 . 
 
 Wealth and Eafe with another Woman. 
 She will call my Endeavours to make 
 my felf happyr being falfe to her. Nay, 
 I don't know but me may be Fool enough 
 to make away with her felf; for the lalt 
 time I talk'd to her, and mentioned this 
 Affair at a diflance, me feemed tofhow 
 acurfed hankering after purling Streams. 
 Let me Conjure thee, old Marmaduke, 
 if thou wilt not give me fome Advice, to 
 give fome to this Poor Woman; make 
 her fenfible that a Man does not take a 
 Miftrefs for Better for Worfe, and that 
 there is fome Difference between a Lo- 
 ver and a Husband .- But you know bet- 
 ter than I can tell you, what to fay upoa 
 fo nice a Subjeft. 
 
 Tour moft humble Servant l , 
 W. T. 
 
 THERE is nothing which I more ab- 
 hor, than that kind of Wit which betrays 
 a hardnefs of Heart. Inhumanity is never 
 fo odious, as when it is pra&ifed with 
 Mirth and Wantonnefs. If I may make 
 fo free with my Correfpondent, he feems 
 to be a Man of this unlucky Turn. I mall 
 not fall into the fame Fault which I con- 
 demn
 
 N9- 7 he LOVER. 59 
 
 demn in him ; but, that I may be ferious 
 on fuch an Occafion, will delire my Rea- 
 ders to confider throughly the Evils which 
 they are heaping up to themfelves, when 
 they engage in a Criminal Amour, If 
 they die in it, they know very well what 
 mull be the dreadful Confequence. If ei- 
 ther of them break loofe from the other, 
 the Melancholy and Vexation that re 
 produced on 'fuch Occafions, are too 
 dear a Payment for thofe Pleafures which 
 preceded, and are pail, as though they had 
 never been. 
 
 THE Woman is generally the greatefl 
 Sufferer in Cafes of this Nature ; for by 
 the longObfervationsI have made on both 
 Sexes, 1 have eftablifhed this as a Maxim, 
 that Women diffemble their *Paffions bet- 
 ter than Men, but that Men fubdue their 
 Paffions better than Women. 
 ; I have heard a Story to my prefentPur- 
 pofe, which has very much affected me. 
 The Gentleman, from whom I heard it, 
 was an Eye-W'itnefs of feveral parts of it. 
 
 ABOUT ten Years ago there lived at 
 Vienna, a German Count, who had long en- 
 tertained afecret Amour With a young La- 
 dy of a considerable Family. After a Cor- 
 refpondence of Gallantries, which had 
 lafted two or three Years, the Father of 
 the young Count, whofe Family was re- 
 duced to a low Condition, found out a ve- 
 ry
 
 60 The LOVER. N*p. 
 
 ry advantageous Match for him, and made 
 his Son fenfible that he ought, in common 
 Prudence, to clofe with it. The Count, 
 upon the firfl Opportunity, acquainted his 
 Miftrefs very fairly with what had patted, 
 and laid the whole matter before her, with 
 fuch Freedom and Opennefs of Heart, that 
 Ihe feemingly confented to it. She only 
 defired of him that they might have one 
 Meeting more, before they parted for e- 
 ver. The Place appointed for this their 
 Meeting, was a Grove which {lands at a 
 little diftance from the Town. They con- 
 verfed together in this Place forfome time, 
 when on a fudden the Lady pulled out a 
 Pocket-Piftol, and fhot her Lover into the 
 Heart, fo that he immediately fell down 
 Dead at her Feet. She then returned to 
 her Father's Houfe, telling every one fhe 
 met what me had done. Her Friends, up- 
 on hearing her Story, wou'd have found 
 out means for her to make her Efcape; but 
 ihetold 'em fhe.had killed her dear Count, 
 becaufe Ihe could not live without him ; 
 and that for the fame Reafon fhe was re- 
 Iblved to follow him by whatever way 
 Juftice fhould determine. She wasnofoon- 
 er feized, but flie avowed her Guilt, re- 
 jeded all Excufes that were made in her 
 Favour, and only begged that her Execution 
 might be fpeedy. She was fentenced to 
 have her Head cut off, and was apprehen- 
 
 five
 
 N9- The LOVER. 61 
 
 five of nothing but that the Intereft of her 
 Friends fhould obtain a Pardon for her. 
 When the Confeflbr approached her, Ihe 
 asked him where he thought was the Soul of 
 the deadCount ?He replied ,that hisCafe was 
 very dangerous,cpnfidering theCircumftan- 
 ces in which he died. Upon this fodefperate 
 was her Frenzy, that Ihe bid him leave her, 
 for that (he was refolved to go to the fame 
 place where the Count was. The Prieft 
 was forced to give her better hopes of the 
 Deceafed, from Confiderations that he was 
 upon the point of breaking offfo Criminal 
 a Commerce, and leading a new Life, be- 
 fore he could bring her Mind to a Tem- 
 per fit for one who was fo near her End. 
 Upon the Day of her Execution ihe dref- 
 fed her felf in all her Ornaments, and 
 walked towards theScaffold more like an ex- 
 pefting Bride than a Condemned Criminal: 
 My Friend tells me, that he faw her placed 
 in the Chair, according to the Cuftom of * 
 that Place, where after having ftretched out 
 her Neck with an Air of Joy, fhe called up- 
 on the Name of the Count, which was the 
 appoined Signal for the Executioner, who, 
 with a iingle Blow of his Sword, fevered 
 her Head from her Body. 
 
 MY Reader may draw, without my Af- 
 fiftance, a fuitable Moral out of fo Tra- 
 gical a Story.
 
 62 The LOVER. Nio. 
 
 N IO. Thurf day, March 18. 
 
 Magis ilia f lucent qua fluris emuntur. 
 
 I Have lately been very much teized with 
 the Thought of Mrs. Anne Page, and 
 the Memory of thofe many Cruelties 
 which I fuffered from that obdurate Fair 
 one, Mrs. dnnewzs in a particular man- 
 ner very fond of China Ware, againft which 
 I had unfortunately declared my Averfion. 
 I do not know but this was the firtt Occa- 
 fjon of her Coldnefs towards me, which 
 makes me Tick at the very Sight of a China 
 Difti ever fince. This is the bell Introduction 
 I can make for my prefent Difcourfe, 
 which may ferve to fill up a Gap till I am 
 more at Leifure to refume the Thread of 
 my Amours. 
 
 THERE are no Inclinations in Wo- 
 men which morefurprife me than their Paf- 
 fions for .Chalk and China. The firft of 
 thefe Maladies wears out in a little time; 
 but when a Woman is vifited with the fe- 
 cond, it generally takes PoiTefTion of her 
 for Life. China VefTels are Play-things for 
 Women of all Ages. An old Lady of four- 
 fcore fhall be as bufie in cleaning an Indi- 
 an
 
 Nio: The LOVER, 6? 
 
 an Mandarin, as her Great Grand Daugh- 
 ter is in dreffing her Baby. 
 
 THE common way of purchafing fuch 
 Trifles, if I may believe my Female Infor- 
 mers, is by exchanging old Suits of Cloaths 
 for this brittle Ware. The Potters of Chi- 
 na have, it feems, their Factors at this di- 
 flance, who retail out their feveral Manu- 
 factures for call Cloaths andfuperannuated 
 Garments. I have known an old Petticoat 
 metamorphofed into a Punch-Bowl, and a 
 Pair of Breeches into a Tea-Pot. For this 
 reafon my Friend Tradewell in the City 
 calls his great Room, that is nobly furnifh- 
 ed out with China, his Wife's Wardrobe. 
 In yonder Corner,fays he, are above twen- 
 ty Suits of Cloaths, and on that Scrutore' 
 above a hundred Yards of furbelow'd Silk. 
 You cannot imagine how many Night- 
 Gowns, Stays and Mantoes, went to the 
 railing of that Pyramid. The worft of it 
 is, fays he, a Suit of Cloaths is not fuffered 
 to lalt half its time, that it may be the more 
 vendible ;fo that in reality this is but a more 
 dextrous way of picking the Husband's 
 Pocket, who is often purehafing a great Vafe 
 of C$/wtf,whenhe fancies that he is buying 
 a fine Head, or a Silk Gown for his Wife. 
 There is likewife another Inconvenience 
 in this Female Paffion for China, namely, 
 that it adminifters to 'em great matter for 
 Wrath and Sorrow. How much Anger 
 
 and
 
 64 The L O V E R. N 10. 
 
 and Affiiftion are produced daily in the 
 Hearts of my dear Country-women, by 
 the breach of this frail Furniture. Some 
 of them pay half their Servants Wages in 
 China Fragments, which their Carelefsnefs 
 has produced. Ifthou haft a Tiece of Ear- 
 then Ware^ confider* fays Epifletus, that 
 it is a Tiece of Earthen Ware, and by con- 
 fiqucnce 'very eajle and obnoxious to be 
 broken : Be not therefore Jo void of Rea- 
 fon as to be angry or grieved when this 
 comes to fafs. In order, therefore, to ex- 
 empt my fair Readers from fuch additional 
 and fupernumerary Calamities of Life, I 
 wouM advife them to forbear dealing in 
 thefe periihable Commodities, till fuch 
 time as they arePhilofophers enough to keep 
 their Temper at the fall of a Tea-Pot or a 
 China Cup. 1 fhall further recommend to 
 their ferious Confideration thefe three Par- 
 ticulars: Firft, That all China Ware is of 
 a weak and tranfitory Nature. Secondly, 
 That the Fafhion of it is changeable: and 
 Thirdly, That it is of no ufe. And firft of 
 the Firft: The Fragility of China is fuch as 
 a reafonable Being ought by no means to 
 fet its Heart upon, tho' at the fame time 
 I am afraid I may complain with Seneca on 
 the like occafiori, that this very Confide- 
 ration recommends them to our Choice; 
 our Luxury being grown fo wanton, that 
 this kind of Treafure becomes the more 
 
 valuable
 
 Nio. The LOVER. 6$ 
 
 valuable, the more eafily we may be de- 
 prived of it, and that it receive* a Price 
 from its Brittlenefs. There is a kind of 
 Orientation in Wealth, which fets the Pof- 
 fefTors of it upon diftinguiuV<:-gthernfelves 
 in thole things where it is hard for the 
 Poor to follow them. For this Reafon I 
 have often wondered that ou r Ladies have 
 not taken Pleafure in Egg-ihells, efpecial- 
 ly in thofe which arecuriouily flained and 
 ftreaked, and which are fovery tendei that 
 they require thenicefl Hand to hold with- 
 out breaking them. But as if the Brittle- 
 nefs of this Ware were not fufficient to 
 make it Coftly, the very Faihion of it is 
 changeable, which brings me to my fecond 
 Particular, 
 
 IT may chance that a Piece of China 
 may furvive all thofe Accidents to which 
 it is by Nature liable, and laft for fome 
 Years if rightly iituated and taken care of. 
 To remedy, therefore, this Inconvenience, 
 it is fo ordered that the Shape of it fhall 
 grow unfafhionable, which makes new Sup- 
 plies always neceffary, and furnilhes Em- 
 ployment for Life to Women of great and 
 generous Souls who cannot live out of the 
 Mode. I my felf remember when there 
 were few China VefTels to befeen that held 
 more than a Difh of Coffee, but their Size 
 is fo gradually enlarged, that there are ma- 
 ny, at prefent, which are capable of hold- 
 F ing
 
 66 The L O V E R. N I0 - 
 
 ing half a Hogftiead. The Fafhion of the 
 Tea Cup is alfo greatly altered, and has 
 run through a wonderful Variety of Colour, 
 Shape and Size. 
 
 BUT, in the laft place, CAwwWareis 
 of no Ufe. Who would not laugh to fee 
 a Smith's Shop furnilhed with Anvils and 
 Hammers of China? The Furniture of a 
 Lady's favourite Room is altogether asab- 
 furd : You fee Jars of a prodigious Capa- 
 city that are to hold nothing. I have feen 
 Horfes and Herds of Cattel in this fine 
 fort of Porfelain, not to mention the feve- 
 ral Chinfje Ladies who, perhaps, are na- 
 turally enough reprefented in thefe frail 
 Materials. 
 
 DID our Women take delight in heap- 
 ing up Piles of Earthen Platters brown 
 Juggs, and the like ufeful Produces of our 
 Britijh Potteries, there would be fome 
 Senfe in it. They might be ranged in as 
 fine Figures, and difpofed of in as beauti- 
 ful Pieces of Architecture ; but there is an 
 Objeftion to thefe which cannot be over- 
 come, namely, that they would be of fome 
 Ufe, and might be'taken down on all Oc- 
 cafions to be employed in Services of the 
 Family; befides that they are intollerably 
 cheap, and moil ihamefully durable and 
 lading. 
 
 Saturday^
 
 Nii- The LOVE R. 67 
 
 NII. Saturday, March 20. 
 
 Maecenas At avis edite re gibus. 
 
 Bentley'j Horace. 
 
 THE following Epiftle is written to 
 me from the Parifh of Gotham in 
 Hereford-Jhire, from one who had 
 Credentials from me to be received as an 
 humble Servant to a young Lady of the 
 Family which he mentions; becaufeitmay 
 be an Initruftion to all who Court great 
 Alliances, Ifhall infert it Word for Word, 
 as it came to my Hands. 
 
 Sweet Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 c A C CORD ING to your Perfuafion 
 ** * I came down here into the 
 Country, with a defign to Ingraft my 
 felf into the Family to which you re- 
 commended me; but I wiih you had 
 thought a little more of it, before you 
 gave me that Advice, for a Man is not 
 always made happy by having fettled 
 himfelf in a powerful Houfe ; for Riches 
 and Honour are Ornamental to the Pof- 
 feflbrs of 'em, only when thofe Poflef- 
 fors have fuch Arts or Endowments 
 F x which
 
 68 The LOVER. N*H. 
 
 which would render them Confpicuous 
 without them; hut thefe Creatures to 
 whom you advifed me to be allied are 
 fuch, whofe Intereft it is to court Pri- 
 vacy, and are made up of fo many De- 
 fecls, that they could not better recom- 
 mend themfelves to the World, or con- 
 fult their own Inrerert, than by hiding; 
 but they are fo little inclined fo fuch a 
 prudent Behaviour, that they feem to 
 think that their Appearance upon all 
 Occafions cannot chule but be advanta- 
 geous to them; and yet fuch is the 
 force of Nature in biailing all its Inilru- 
 ments to the Ufes for which fhe has made 
 them moil fit, that they are ever under- 
 taking what would make the mod beau- 
 tiful of Human Race appear as ugly as 
 themfelves. Thus they take upon them 
 to manage all things in this Country; 
 and if any Man is to be Accufed, Ar- 
 refted, or Difgraced, one of thefe hide- 
 ous Creatures has certainly a Hand in it. 
 By thefe Methods and Arts they govern 
 thofe who Contemn them, and are per- 
 petually followed by Crowds who hate 
 them : At the fame time there is I know 
 not what exceflively Comick and Di- 
 verting, to behold thefe very odd Fel- 
 lows in their Magnificencies. 
 'YOU muft know they fet up extream- 
 ly for Genealogies, old Codes, and My- 
 
 flick
 
 N* ii. The LOVER. 69 
 
 * flick Writings, and knowing abundance 
 
 * of what was never worth knowing in 
 thefeveral Ages in which it was aded; 
 6 but there is conftantly, in all they pre- 
 ' tend to, fome Circumitance which fe- 
 ' cretly tends to raife the Honour and An- 
 ' tiquity of their Family. Thus they are 
 c not contented, as all we the reitofthe 
 
 * World are, to become, more Ancient 
 every Day than other as Time paifes on, 
 
 * but they grow old backwards, and eve- 
 
 * ry now and then they make fome new 
 Purchafe of mudy Rolls and Papers, 
 which they tell you acquaints them with 
 
 < fome new Matter concerning their fur- 
 ther Antiquity. I met here, to my great 
 4 Surprife, Abednego the Jew 9 who ufed 
 ( to transfer Stock for me at Change-Al- 
 
 < ly. 1 was going to falute him, but he 
 
 < tipped me the Wink, and taking me a- 
 4 part at a proper Opportunity, defired 
 
 * me not to difcover him, For, fays he 
 ' laughing, I am come down here as a 
 1 Cheat; he explained himfelf further, 
 
 * that his way was to get fome Paper that 
 4 was Mouldy, Du(ly s or Moth-eaten, 
 6 and write upon it Hebrew Characters, 
 
 * which he fold to liir Anthony Crab-trees 
 ' Library; you mud know there is no- 
 
 < thing fo monllrous but they can make 
 
 * pafs upon the People; fo terrible are the 
 i Crab-trees in this County. The lail 
 
 F 3 * Piece
 
 70 The LOVER. N "- 
 
 Piece of Antiquity which they produ- 
 ced, was a Letter written, in Noah's own 
 Hand, to their Ancellor, and found 
 upon a Mountain in Wales^ (which, by 
 the way, is faid by them to be the old- 
 ell and higheit Mountain in the World) 
 diredted to their Anceftor Sir Robert 
 Crab-tree, *i\Antedtluvian&\g\\\.. This, 
 Sir, pafles very currently here, and is 
 well received, becaufe all allow there 
 have been no Faces like theirs in any 
 other Family fince the Flood. 
 IT would be endlefs to give you a 
 diftincl Account of thefe Worthies in 
 one Letter, but I will go as far as I can 
 in it. I was, when I declared my Love, 
 appointed an Hour in their great Hall, 
 where were afTembled all their Relati- 
 ons and Tenants; but inftead of receiv- 
 ing me with Civility, as one who delir* 
 ed to be of their Family, as they know 
 not how to mew Power and Greatnefs, 
 but by doing things terrible and difa- 
 greeable, Mr. Teter Brickduft Hands up 
 before all the Company, and enters in- 
 to a downright Invective againtl me, to 
 fhew that i was not fit to be entertained 
 among them. They call him here at 
 Gotham* and in all thefe Parts, the Ac* 
 cufer, becaufe it is his natural Propenii- 
 ty to think the Worlt of every Man. 
 Tho'the Implement has a very great E- 
 
 {late,
 
 'II: The L O V E R. 71 
 
 ftate, the Poverty of his Soul is fuch, 
 
 that he will do any thing for a further 
 
 Penny He condescends to audit part 
 
 of the Rents of Sir Anthony\ Ettate, and , 
 
 tho' born to a better Fortune than the 
 
 Knight himfelf, is his utter Slave. His 
 
 Bufmefs about him is to find out fome 
 
 Body or other for him, from time to 
 
 time, on whom to exercife his great 
 
 Power and Intereft. Teter has the very 
 
 Look of a Wicked one of low Practice. 
 
 *Peteris made for a Lurcher, and as beiqg 
 
 a Creature of Prey, he rifes to the Ob- 
 
 jedt he aims at, as if he were going to 
 
 fpring at fome Game; but he (links, as 
 
 you may have feen a Cur at once exert 
 
 and check his little Anger when he fees 
 
 a ilrange Maitiff. Naturalifts fay all Men 
 
 have fomething in their Afpeit of other 
 
 Animals, which refemble them in Con- 
 
 ftitution. Pefer's Countenance difcovers 
 
 him a Creature of fmall Prey ; it is a 
 
 mixture of the Face of a Cat, and that 
 
 of an Owl. He has the fpiteful Eager- 
 
 nefsof the former, blended with the ftu- 
 
 pid Gravity of the latter. He (tood be- 
 
 hind a Poft all the while he was talking, 
 
 and groped it as if he were feeling for 
 
 Hobnails. All that he faid was fo ex- 
 
 travagant, wild, and groundless, and 
 
 * urged with a Mein fo fuitable to the 
 
 * Falfhood and Folly of it, that I was ra- 
 
 F 4 * ther
 
 72 The LOVER. N 
 
 ther diverted than offended 
 When from another Quarter of the Hall, 
 placed juft under a Gallery, there flood 
 up the Knight's Brother. It is impofli- 
 ble to exprefs the Particularity of this 
 Gentleman. His Mein is like that of a 
 broken Tradefman the firftDay he wears 
 a Sword ; his Afpeft was fad, but rather 
 the Face of a Man incapable of Mirth, 
 than under any Sorrow, and yet he does 
 not look dull neither, but attentive to 
 both Worlds at once, and has in his 
 Brow both the Ufurer and .the Saint. I 
 obferved great Refpeft paid to him ; but 
 methought fome Leavings ofConfcience 
 made him look fomewhat abalhed at the 
 great Civilities which were paid him. 
 He roundly afTerted I was not worth a 
 Groat, and indeed made it out in a Mo- 
 ment ; for by fome Trick or other, he 
 had got in his Cuflody all the Writings 
 which make out the Title to my Eftate. 
 < WHAT made this whole Matter 
 the more extravagantly pleafant was, 
 that there is an odd droning Loudneis 
 in the Brother's Voice, which made a 
 large Irijh Greyhound open at every 
 * Paufe he made. That great furly Crea- 
 ture made ib docile and fervile, was to 
 : me matter of much Entertainment and 
 fjuriofity. The Knight's Brother, 1 af- 
 
 ' fure
 
 N'II. The LOVER. 73 
 
 Cure you, fpoke with a good fleady Im- 
 
 * pudence, and having been long inur'd 
 
 < to Talk what he does not mean, he 
 looks as if he meant what he faid. 
 
 < THIL Pleafantry of this excellent 
 ' Farce is, that all thefe Fellows were 
 
 < bred Presbyterians, and are now fet up 
 c for High Church-men. They carry it ad- 
 1 mirably well, and the Partisans do not 
 
 * diilinguiftt that there is a difference be- 
 
 * tweenthofe who are of neither fide, from 
 
 * generous Principles, and thofe who are 
 
 * difmterefted only from having no Prin- 
 
 * ciples at all. The Knight himfelf was 
 
 * not in the Country, but is expected eve- 
 ry Day ; they fay he is a precious one. 
 
 * They make me expecl: he will treat me 
 ' after another Way. His manner is very 
 
 * drole ; he is very affable, and yet keeps 
 ' you at aDiflance; for he talks to every 
 
 * Body, but will let no Body underftand 
 him. Here is a Gentleman in the Coun- 
 
 * try, a good intelligent Companion, that 
 
 * gives me a very pleafant Idea of him ; he 
 
 < fays he has feen him go through his great 
 Hall full of Company, and whifper eve- 
 
 < ry Man as he patted along ; when they 
 t have all had the Whifper, they have 
 
 < held up their Heads in a filly Amaze- 
 
 * ment, like Geefe when they are drink- 
 
 * ing: But perhaps more of this another 
 
 time;
 
 74 The LOVER. Nn. 
 time; you would marry me into this good- 
 
 < ly Houfe, 
 
 I thank you for nothing, T>ear SIR, 
 and am your Humble Servant for That. 
 
 *P. S. Here is a Story here that Mr. 
 Whatd'e-call laughs at all they pretend 
 to do againft him, and is prepared for 
 the Worft that can happen. To in- 
 ure himfelf to be a publick Spectacle, 
 
 < they fay, he rid an Hour and a half, at 
 Noon-Day on Wednefday laft, behind 
 
 < Charles the Firft at Cbaring-Crofs. 
 
 N 12. Tuefday, March 23. 
 
 When Love's well tintd^ "'tis not a fault to Love, 
 "fhe Strong^ the Brave^ the Virtuous^ and the Wife 
 Sink in the foft Captivity together. Portius in Cato. 
 
 THE following Letter, written in the 
 fined Italian Female Hand, as beau- 
 tiful as a Picture or Draught of a 
 Letter, rather than the Work of a Pen, in 
 the finefl fmall gilt Paper, when opened, 
 diffufed the moil agreeable Odours, which 
 very fuddenly feize the Brains of thofe who 
 
 have
 
 Nn: The LOVER. 75 
 
 have ever been Sick in Love. There is 
 no Neceflity on fuch an occafion as this, 
 that the Epiftle fhouldbefille.dwithfpright- 
 ly Expreffions. The fold of the Letter, 
 the care in Sealing it, and the Device on 
 the Seal, are the great Points in Favours 
 of this kind from the Fair; for when it is 
 a Condefcenfion to do any thing at all, e- 
 very thing that is not fevere is gracious. As 
 foon as I looked upon the Hand, my poor 
 fond Head would needs perfuade it felf 
 that it came from Mrs. Tage; but I read, 
 and found it was the Acknowledgment of 
 an Obligation, I have not Merit enough 
 ever to be capable of laying upon any ; the 
 Letter is thus, 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, March 19, 1714. 
 
 SINCE you have taken upon your felf 
 * the Province of Love, all Tranfa- 
 ftions relating to that Paflion moil pro- 
 perly belong to your Paper. I beg the 
 favour of you to infert this my Epiftle 
 in your very next, in order to give the 
 earlieft Notice poilible of my having re- 
 ceived very great Favour and Honour 
 done to me, by fome one to whom I 
 am more obliged, than it can ever be 
 in my Power to return. I beg therefore 
 that you will infert the following Adver- 
 
 * tifement,
 
 76 The LOVER. N n. 
 
 < tifement, and you will oblige (tho' un- 
 known,) 
 
 70#r fefvaitt, and great Admirer, 
 
 A. B. 
 
 c A certain Prefent,with a Letter from 
 
 * an unknown Hand, hath been very fafe- 
 
 * ly delivered to the Party to whom di- 
 refted. 
 
 IT is the nicefl part of Commerce in 
 the World, that of doing and receiving Be- 
 nefits. Benefits are ever to be confidered 
 rather by their Quality than Quantity, and 
 there are fo manythoufand Circumftances, 
 with refpeft to Time, Perfon and Place, 
 which heighten and allay the Value, that 
 even in ordinary Life it is almoft an Im- 
 poffibility to lay down Rules on this Sub^- 
 jec~t; becaufe it alters in every individual 
 Cafe that can happen, and there is fome- 
 thingarifes in it, which is fo inexplicable,that 
 none but the Perfons concerned canjudge 
 of them, and thofe, as well as all other 
 Perfons, are incapable of giving Judgment 
 in their own Cafe. All thele Circumftan- 
 ces are dill more intricate in that part of 
 Life which is naturally above the Rules 
 of any Laws, and mult flow from the ve- 
 ry Soul to be of any Regard at all, and are 
 moreexquifitely valuable and confiderable, 
 
 as
 
 N ix. The LOVER. 77 
 
 as they proceed more from Affe&ion, with- 
 out any manner of Refped to the intrinfick 
 Worth of what is given, and it is indiffer- 
 ent whether it be a bit of Ribband or a 
 Jewel. The Lover in the Comedy is not 
 methinks abfurd, where he prates of his 
 Rules and Obfervations on this Subject. 
 
 TO V muft entertain Women high, and 
 bribe all about them. They talk of Ovid 
 and his Art of Living-, be liberal, and you, 
 out-do his Precepts -The Art of Love ', 
 
 Sir, is the Art of Giving Be free to 
 
 Women, they II be free to you. Not every 
 Of en- handed fellow hits it neither. Some 
 give uf Lap-fulls, and yet r^er oblige. The 
 Manner, you know, of doing a Thing, is more 
 than the Thing its felf Some drop a Jewel 
 which had been refused if bluntly offered. 
 
 Some lofe at Tlay -what they defign d Pre- 
 fent. 
 
 The Skill is to be generous , and feem not 
 to know it of your felf, 'tis done with fo 
 much Eafe ; but a liberal Block-head fre- 
 fents a Miflrefs as he'd give an Alms 
 
 I intend all this upon the Paflionof Love 
 within the ftrifteft Rules ; but Benefits and 
 Injuries cannot touch to the Quick, 'till 
 the Paffion is arrived to fuch a height 
 as to be mutual. Before that, all Prefents 
 and Services are only the Offerings of a 
 Slave to a Tyrant; it is therefore neceffa- 
 ry, to make them worthy to be received, 
 
 to
 
 78 The LOVER. Ni*. 
 
 to fhew that they proceed from AfFeftion, 
 and that all your Talents are employed in 
 fubferviency to that Affection. The Skill 
 and Addrefs which is ufed on thefe Occa- 
 fions in conveying Prefents, or doing any 
 other obliging thing, is for this reafonmuch 
 more regarded than the Prefents or Acti- 
 ons themfelves. I knew a Gentleman who 
 affected making good Company chearful, 
 and diverting himfelf with a whimfical way 
 he had of laying particular Obligations up- 
 on feveral Ladies by the fame Action, and 
 making each believe it was done for her 
 fake. Thus he would make a Ball, and tell 
 one he wifhed fhe would give him leave to 
 name for whom it was principally intended : 
 Another, that he was overjoyed to fee her 
 there, for that he was fure had fhe not, no 
 body elfe would have been there that E- 
 vening. He would whifper a third, who 
 was brought thither by a Relation, and 
 without being named, And did your Cou- 
 fm believe (he introduced you hither; there 
 is a Gentleman yonder faid, (lie came with 
 you, and not you with her. By this wily 
 way he was by all efteemed the moft ob- 
 liging fine Gentleman; that was fo gen- 
 teely faid, and t'other thing fo prettily 
 contrived, that who but Charles Myrtle 
 with all the fair and delightful, in his 
 time. About his flourifhing Years the Stage 
 had a particular Livelineis owing to this 
 
 Paffion,
 
 N^. The LOVER. 79 
 
 Paffion, but too often to this Pailion a- 
 bufed and mifreprefcnted. Otway, who 
 writ then, expofed in his Play of Venice 
 f referred* the Bounty of a filly difagreea- 
 ble old Sinner, who at that time was a great 
 Pretender to Politicks, in which he was 
 the moft ungainly Creature, and nothing 
 could be more ridiculous than Antonio (for 
 fo he calls him) a Politician, except Antonio 
 a Lover. This grim puzzled Leacher is 
 thus treated by his Aquilina> whom he keeps 
 and vifits: In oneof thofe lovely Moments 
 fhe fays to him, / hate you, deteftyou* loath 
 you, I am weary of you y I amjick of you 
 crazy in your Heady and lazy in your 
 Body ; you love to be mealing with every 
 thing* and if you had not Mony you are good 
 for nothing. This imperious Wench of this 
 fribling Politician, was in the Interefts of 
 thofe who were then attempting to de- 
 ftroy his Country; fhe rates him in behalf 
 of Teirre y who is her Favourite, and is 
 then plotting the Deftrudion of Venice. 
 
 Where's my Lord* my Haffynefs^ my 
 
 Love, my God* my Hero. This contempti- 
 ble Image reprefents in a very lively man- 
 ner, how offenfive every Endeavour to 
 pleafe is in the Man who is in himfelf dif- 
 agreeable ; poor Antonio* to fatisfie an a- 
 morous Itch, muft not only maintain his 
 Wench, but fupport every Ruffian in her 
 favour that is an Enemy to his Country ; 
 
 which
 
 80 The LOVER. NM. 
 
 which will for ever be the Fate of thofe 
 who attempt to be what Nature never de- 
 figned them, Wits, Politicians and Lovers. 
 BUT I will break off this Difcourfe to 
 oblige a Neighbour, who writes me the fol- 
 lowing Letter. 
 
 Good Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 c A S I am your near Neighbour, within 
 r^ two Doors of the Lover's Lodge^ 
 1 and within the found of your melodious 
 Bafe-viol,I cannot better exprefs my Gra- 
 e titude for that Favour you do my Ears, 
 
 * large than by inviting you to divert your 
 
 < Eyes in my largeGallery, which is now gar- 
 
 * nifht, from top to bottom, with the fined 
 
 < Paintings Italy has ever produced : i 
 dare promife my felf you will find fuch 
 Variety, and fuch beautiful Objects, of 
 4 both Hillory and Landfchape, Pro- 
 fane and Sacred, that it will not only be 
 
 * fufficient topleafeand recreate the Sight, 
 c but alfo to yield Satisfaction and Plea- 
 
 * fure to your Mind, and inftructive e- 
 nough to inform and improve every Bo- 
 ' dies elfe: When you have well viewed 
 andconfidered the wholeCollecl5on,then 
 I am to leave it to you, whether you 
 4 will not think it may be of Ufe ro the 
 Readers of your Lover, (which 1 under- 
 
 * {land is to come out to Morrow, very 
 
 * luckily for me the Day before my Sale 
 
 ' begins)
 
 a i3. The LOVER. 8f 
 
 begins) to recommend the viewing of 
 my Collection to them, as a very agree- 
 able and inftruftive Amufement to all 
 Perfons in Love. But this and every 
 thing elfe, that may concern me or my 
 Collection, 1 leave to Mr. Myrtle's Judg- 
 ment, and known Readinefs to ferve 
 Mankind in their particular Stations of 
 Life. 
 
 I am, SIR, 
 
 Tour mofl Obedient, 
 and Obliged Humble Servant $ 
 James Grame- 
 
 N ig. Thurfday^ March 2$. 
 
 Multi de Magnis, fer Soinnum, Rebt? lo* 
 quuntur. Lucr, 
 
 THE ftrong Propenfity that, from 
 my Youth, I have had to Love, 
 hath betrayed me into innumera- 
 ble Singular ities* which the infeniible Part 
 of Mankind are apt^to turn into Ridicule. 
 G The
 
 82 The LOVER. N ^; 
 
 The aftonifhing Accounts of Sympathy, 
 Fafcination, Errantry and Enchantments, 
 are thereby become fo familiar to me, that 
 my Converfation, upon thofe Subjects, 
 hath made feverai good People believe me 
 to be no better than I fhould be. My Be- 
 haviour hath heretofore been fuitable to 
 my Opinions. I have loft great Advart- 
 tages by waiting for lucky Days, and have 
 been looked upon feverely by fair Eyes, 
 while I expected the benign Afpeft of my 
 Stars. Many a time have I milled a Ball, 
 for the Pleafure of walking by a purling 
 Stream; and chofe to wander in unfre- 
 quented Solitudes, when I might have 
 been a King at Quefiions and Commands. 
 It is well known what a Profpeft I had of 
 rifing by the Law, if I had not thought it 
 more noble to fill my Study with Poems 
 and Romances, than with dull Records 
 and mutable Ads of Parliament. I intend, 
 at fome convenient Seafon,to communicate 
 to the Publick a Catalogue of my Books; 
 and fhall, every now and then, oblige 
 the World with Extrads out of thofe 
 Manufcripts, which Love and Leifure 
 have drawn from my Pen. I have a Ro- 
 mance, in feven neat Folios, almofl fini- 
 ilied; befides Novels, Ditties, and Ma- 
 drigals innumerable. The following Stc- 
 ry is collected out of Writers in fo learned 
 a Language, that I am almoft aihamed to 
 
 own
 
 N'n; Tie LOVER. 83 
 
 own it. I mud fay for my Excufe, that it 
 was compiled in my twentienth Year, up- 
 on my leaving the Univerfity, and is a- 
 dapted to the Taile of thofe who are far 
 gone in Romance ; not to mention the fe- 
 veral Morals that may be drawn from it. 
 I have thought fit to call it, 
 
 7 he "Dreams of E N D Y M i o N. 
 
 HP HE Night was far advanced, and 
 * Sleep had fealed the Eyes of the moft 
 watchful Lovers, when on a fudden a 
 confufed Sound of Trumpets, Cymbals 
 and Clarions made all the Inhabitants of 
 Herac/ea ftart from their Beds in Terror 
 and Amazement. An Eclipfe of the Moon 
 was the Occafion of this Uproar ; and a 
 mixt Multitude of all Ages and Conditi- 
 ons ran direftly to the Top of Mount Lat- 
 inos with their Inftruments of Mufick to 
 affift the fair Planet, which they imagin- 
 ed either to have fainted away, or to have 
 been forced from her Sphere by the Pow- 
 er of Magical Incantations. As foon as* 
 they had reftored her to her former Beau- 
 ty, they returned home with joy and Tri- 
 umph, to take that benefit of Repofe, 
 which they thought their Piety deferved. 
 Only .. C/ftfWfr, the Amorous Qleaiider* 
 gave himfelf up to his Mufings, and wan- 
 dering through the Trees that cloath 
 G i Mount
 
 84 The LOVER. N 13, 
 
 Mount Latmos, infenfibly reached the 
 Summit of the Mountain. He was feed- 
 ing his Eye with the fine Landskip that 
 was fpread before him, when he heard a 
 languiftring Voice utter thefe Words in- 
 termfxt with Sighs : Cruel Goddefs, why 
 wilt thou make me wretched by the Remem- 
 brance of my Happinefs ! Te Powers, faid 
 Cleander to himfelf, is not that the Voice 
 of Endymion? He had nofoonerfaid this, 
 than he crept along whither the Voice di- 
 re&ed him, and law to his inexpreffible 
 Aftoni foment the following Spectacle. This 
 flrange Object was a Man ftretched at 
 length on a Declivity of the Mountain, 
 with his Arms acrofs his Bread, and his 
 Eyes levelled at the Moon. Thou fair Re- 
 gent of the Moon, faid he, after the En- 
 joyment of a Goddefs, why wilt thou de- 
 grade thy Lover, and throw him back to 
 Mount Latmos and Mortality '? Ah Incon- 
 ftant! thou thinkefl no more of Endymion. 
 3 Tis he, 'tis he, cried Cleander, 'tis Endy- 
 mion, or the Ghofl of my Friend. With 
 thefe Words he ran to him, and caught 
 him in his Arms with the warmeft Ex- 
 preflions of Tranfport. If Cleander was 
 overjoyed, Endymionvws nolefs, and their 
 Endearments had laited a long time, if 
 Cleander^ Curiofity had not fpurred him 
 to learn the Caufe of Endymion's long Ab- 
 fcence from Heraclea, his Adventures, and 
 
 the
 
 3. The LOVER. 85 
 
 the reafon of his odd Complaints. After 
 repeated Intreaties, Endymton delivered 
 himfelf in the following manner; 
 
 YOU may remember, that my fre- 
 quent Contemplation of the Heavens had 
 gained me the Reputation of a great Aflro- 
 nomer, amongfl the Sages of Heraclea. 
 But had there not been more powerful 
 Motives, J had not, for Thirft of Know- 
 ledge, abandoned the good-natured La- 
 dies of our City, witlj fo much Youth and 
 Vigour about me. You muft know, that 
 I had fo often dreamt that T)iana looked 
 kindly on me, that I went to her Temple 
 at Efhefus to learn the Will of the God- 
 defs. 1 was furprifed to find her famous 
 Statue there entirely to referable the love- 
 ly Image that had a thoufand times fmiled 
 on me, in my Vifions. The fucceeding 
 Night I bribed the Prieftefs with a confi- 
 derable Sum, to let me pafs the time with- 
 in the Temple. After I had faid whatever 
 a violent Pailion could infpire, I fell in a 
 Trance before the Shrine that encompaf- 
 fed her Statue, and to my inexpreflible 
 Joy faw the Goddefs defcend, and bid me 
 ask her, with a Smile, whatever 1 defired. 
 c Bright Goddefs, faid I, were I to have 
 ' my Wifh, I would beg that the Pleafure, 
 c I now enjoy, might be eternal. But 
 * fmce that is too much, give me, I pray 
 f thee, a Seat among the Stars that may 
 G 3 * place
 
 U The LOVER- N ''3 
 
 'place me ever in thy View, and nearefl 
 1. to; thy Chariot. Or if the number of 
 
 * the Stars be compleat, and the Deilinies 
 
 * deny me this: Grant me at lead to be 
 < wholly thine upon Earth, and difdain 
 
 * not the Prefent that I make thee of my 
 * felf. Whether in Heaven, or in Earth, 
 anfwered the Goddefs, I will lofe no 
 ; Opportunity to gratifie thee. Scarce had 
 fhe uttered thefe Words, but I loft the 
 fight of her, and only heard the Sound of 
 her Quiver, as ihe turned and glided a- 
 way. 
 
 1 related my Vifion the next Motning 
 to Evadne the Prieilefs, who expreffed 
 great Joy at my Succefs, and having fprink- 
 led me with Water from the Sacred Foun- 
 tain, and fpoken myflerious Words, dif- 
 mifs'd me with a Viol of powerful Juices, 
 and Inflruftions how to ufe it. According 
 to her Commands I repaired to this Moun- 
 tain, where having drank off the Enchant- 
 ed Draught, I lay ftretched upon the 
 Ground, and fixed my Eyes with Delight 
 on the Moon. Suddenly, methought, the 
 tieavens we.re cleft, and an Ivory Chariot 
 drawn by Horfes, or Dragons, took me 
 up, and whirled me over Cities, Rivers, 
 Forefts, and Oceans, in a moment of time. 
 I, was, at length, fet down in the middle 
 of a Wood, where the Face of Nature was 
 more delicious, than the Imagination of 
 
 Poets
 
 N'IS. The LOVE R. 87 
 
 Poets or Painters have yet defcribed. I 
 had not walked long before I heard the 
 Voices of Women, and at my drawing 
 near I perceived *Diana in the midft of 
 her Nymphs. The beautiful Virgins were 
 placed round her, under the Shadow of 
 Trees: borne of them lay ftretched on the 
 Grafs, others were viewing themfelves in 
 the Streams: Here was one fharpening 
 the Point of an Arrow, there another was 
 flroaking a Hound .- Their Horns were 
 hung upon the Boughs, and their Bows 
 and Quivers were carelefsly fcattered up- 
 on the Ground. The Queen herfelf was 
 lefs diilinguiflied by her Golden Bow and 
 Silver Crefcent, than by that Beauty, 
 which had long held me Captive. I raffled 
 a little too eagerly thro' the Boughs where 
 I had concealed my felf, when a Nymph 
 that flood near her, carting a Look to- 
 wards me, cried out, a Man! a Man! 
 'At that Word one of the oldefl of the Vir- 
 gins bent her Bow at me, and had fhot 
 me through the Heart, \l*Diana had not 
 feafonably interpofed. Hold, cried the 
 Goddefs, ifhemuft die, let him die by 
 my Hand. Give me, continued fhe, the 
 Bundle of Arrows that Cupid prefented me 
 tfith the other Day, when we hunted in 
 t he Italian Grove. A pretty youngNymph 
 having put them in her Hands, flie threw 
 Arrow after Arrow at me, till I had re- 
 G 4 ceived
 
 SS The LOVER. N 13. 
 
 ceived a hundred Wounds, which convey- 
 ed fuch a fubtle Poifon into my Blood, 
 that I loft my Sight, itaggered, and fell 
 down dead. I had not lain long in that 
 Condition, when, to my great Amaze- 
 ment, I found my felf in the Arms of 'Di- 
 ana dreft after the manner of her Nymphs ; 
 and I faw the Light and her Eyes at the 
 fame time. I found, after that, {he had 
 ufed that feeming Cruelty to conceal our 
 Loves ; and thenceforward I pafled for 
 pne of her Sex, and was looked upon as 
 the Favourite Nymph of her Train. My 
 Days were fpent in thofe Sports which (he 
 takes Pleafure in: How often have we 
 ranged the Defarts of Hyrcania! How a- 
 greeably have we wandered on the Banks 
 ofFeneus, or Eurotas! How many Lions 
 have we courfed in Getulia! How have 
 we panted after the fwifteft Deer in Creete, 
 and purfued the Tigers of Armenia \ But 
 our Nights To what a pitch of Glory 
 and Happinefs was I raifed ! How much 
 happier yet were my Lot, if the Mouth 
 thattafled were allowed to reveal my Joys! 
 But, oh Cleander\ what (hall we think of 
 the other Sex, when I (hall have allured 
 thee, thatGoddeifes themfelves areincon- 
 ftant? It is in the Nature of Females to he 
 fuddenly hurried from one Excream to a- 
 nother. Love or Hate wholly poflefTes 
 them; they have no third paffion. What 
 
 they
 
 N'3. The LOVER. 89 
 
 they will, they will abfolutcly, and de- 
 mand unlimited Obedience. They are e- 
 ver prepared to ftiow how little they can 
 value their Lovers, and facrifice what 
 was once held dear, to their Ambition and 
 third of Dominion. When they ceafe to 
 love, they endeavour to perfuade us, by 
 Coldnefs and flighting Ufage, that we 
 never were beloved. But not being able 
 to impofe fo far upon our Underftanding, 
 and to give the Lie to our Senfes, they 
 endeavour to make us lofe the Memory, 
 as they have loft the Defire of PofTeflion. 
 After fo long a Courfe of Sighs, Vows, 
 Fidelity, Submiilion, and whatever Lo- 
 vers talk of, 1 was hurried away from the 
 happy Regions I have defcribed, in the 
 fame manner that I went ; and, not many 
 Hours fmce, found my Body extended on 
 this Mountain, where the Goddefs de- 
 fcended with a Veil over her Face ; but 
 upon hearing a Noife of Trumpets and 
 Clarions, left me without fpeaking, and 
 fled to the Moon in an Inflant. The Af- 
 furance that I was abandoned, made me 
 vent thofe Complaints, which were (till 
 the more juir., becaufe after the Favour 
 of a Goddefs, I fhall loath the faint Beau- 
 ties of Heraclea. 
 
 EN<DTMION had no foonerfpoke 
 thefe Words, than he and his Friend were 
 furprjfed with a loud Laugh from behind a 
 
 13uih
 
 The LOVER. Ni 3 . 
 
 Bum that grew near them. Inftaritly flatt- 
 ed up three young Women, who had dog- 
 ged Cleander in his folitary Walk, one of 
 which was his Miftrefs. They ran fo faft 
 to Heraclea, that he could not over-take 
 them; and before ten that Morning, all 
 the Women of the Town had had a Fling 
 at Endymion. Tho' they fecretly believed 
 his Amours to be real, they had the Ma- 
 lice to ridicule them, as the Vifions of a 
 diftempered Imagination. Nay, thefe gig- 
 gling Gipfies had Credit enough to get 
 the poor Gentleman jefted into a Proverb. 
 Infomuch that if a Lover blabbs out the 
 Secret, the Her ac leans call him a Lunatic k ; 
 they ask a pretty Fellow that conceals his 
 Intreigues, if he hath a Miftrefs m the 
 Clouds? and to boaft of Favours is, with 
 tfrem> ~Z0 have, the "Dreams of Endymion. 
 
 I could Dream on much longer with 
 great delight to my felf at leaft, but that I 
 am awakened by the following Letter 
 from a Gentleman, whom I have great 
 reafon to have an high RefpecT: for, ha- 
 ving frequently been an Eye-Witnefs of 
 his Behaviour, both as to Love and Ho- 
 nour. 1 have feen him as a Lover win by; 
 fair Courtfhip at leaft fifty Ladies; and as 
 a Soldier in open Field obtain compleat 
 Victories always over itipe dor Numbers, 
 and fometimes obferved the whole owing 
 to his fmgle Valour. SIR,
 
 T 
 *- 
 
 LOVER. 91 
 
 SIR, 
 
 Am to have a Benefit Play on Monday 
 next, and the ftrefs of the Story de^ 
 pending upon Love, I hope it will find 
 a Room in your Paper. 
 IT is the ^f/4/Wf Queens, with the 
 Death of Mary Queen of 'Scot land. Where 
 that illuilrious Lover, the Duke of Nor~ 
 0/, rather than he will deny his Flame, 
 gives up his Life. Whenever I fee you, 
 I Jhall do you Honour, and am, 
 
 SIR, 
 
 Tour jnoft Humble Servant, 
 
 George Powel. 
 
 NI4. Saturday, March 27. 
 
 Oderint dum Metuant. 
 
 Motto on Sir Anthony CrabtreeV Coach. 
 
 I Am to Day very bufie, having a Wed- 
 ding Suit for a Gentleman, and the 
 Knots of the Bride, offered to my Con- 
 federation, and the Wedding itfelf to be on 
 Bafter Tuefday, therefore the Reader muft 
 
 be
 
 92 The LOVER. Ni 4 ; 
 
 be contented with this Letter, all which I 
 do not my felf underftand, for the Enter- 
 tainment of this Day. 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 c O E A DING the Letter in your Lo- 
 
 *-^ c ver of the xoth from your Friend 
 
 f concerning the Family of the Crabtrees> 
 
 * I was pleafed at the Non-reception of 
 ' your Friend into that ridiculous Gene- 
 
 * ration; in which Family, as I am told, 
 
 * may be found an Antique Record in tie- 
 ' brewy proving their Original. Sir An- 
 
 * thony is cautious of mewing the Manu- 
 fcript, but his Secretary, with whomPm 
 
 * well acquainted, and whofe Knowledge 
 
 * is great in Crabbed Characters, does af- 
 
 * fure me it's writ in the Prophane Igno- 
 ' rant Stile ufed by the Phanaticks before 
 c the Reftoration, and feems to be formed 
 ' out of the Phrafes of the Revelations, 
 ' with many Periods ending with the Sight 
 c of the Beaft, and the Image of the Beaft, 
 c and the like. I think your Friend ought 
 4 to be thankful for his Deliverance : How- 
 c ever I can't fay Sir Anthony was always 
 
 * for deftroying every thing, having once 
 c faved (not his Country, but) his Houfe : 
 
 * The Story is thus relatad by a Servant 
 
 * then living in the Family. It feems, in 
 c the Time of Sir Ralph, Father to this 
 
 * precious Stick Antfwny, there was in the 
 
 Family
 
 N 14. The L O V E R. 93 
 
 Family a Man that had lived long, but 
 wickedly, under the Cloak of Religion ; 
 
 < but at length was difcovered to have de- 
 
 < filed the Houfe with a Maid Servant who 
 proved. with Child, which was an Abo- 
 
 < mination to Sir Ralph, who turned both 
 out of Doors without paying them their 
 
 < Wages, being confiderable, and order- 
 
 < ed the Bed wherein the Crime had been 
 committed, with the Furniture of that 
 Room, to be burnt, which they were 
 accordingly. The Fellow thought by 
 c marrying the Woman, he might fo far 
 
 < Ingratiate himfelf into his Mailer's Fa- 
 vour, as to get their Wages; but Sir 
 Ralfh was too Religious to allow that 
 
 < any thing could be due to the Wicked. 
 Upon which the Fellow refolved, fince 
 
 < he was to be a Lofer, his Mafter fhould 
 
 * be no Gainer; therefore fen c a MefTage 
 to Sir R* lj>b, to let him know if he would 
 c pay him, he had fomething of moment 
 ' to impart to him, which might be for 
 
 * the good of him and his Family : To this 
 
 * the old Gentleman gave Ear, and being 
 ever apprehenfive of fome Plot or other 
 
 * againft him (in which Sir Anthony takes 
 c much after him) refolved to pay theFel- 
 low, and have him examined ; and when 
 
 * the great Secret came out, it was that he' 
 
 * and the Maid had lain together upon eve- 
 ryBedinthe Houfe, and ineveryRoom ; 
 
 * upon
 
 94. dEt. 14. 
 
 upon which the whole Houfe and Fuf- 
 niture was condemned to be burnt on 
 < a certain Day ; but the Night before the 
 Execution ^Vf Anthony came down to his 
 1 Father's, and with a high Hand faved 
 Houfe and Goods. This is the plain well- 
 known Matter of Fa6t, and this is the 
 
 * firft Houfe that I ever heard of to have 
 4 been fo near burning by the Fire of Love. 
 c I can allure you, the Family is now 
 grown much more polite, but having been 
 4 bred in fuch Stri&nefs and Formality, 
 during the time of good Sir Ralph, both 
 < -Anthony and his Brother Zacbariabcome, 
 
 * into a Wenches Chamber with the fame 
 Air they ufed to enter their Congrega- 
 tions of Saints. It is an hard thing toun- 
 learn Geftures of the Body, and tho'^fe- 
 ' thony has quite got over all the Preju- 
 4 dices of his Education, not only as to Su- 
 perdition, but as to Religion alfo, he 
 'makes a very queer Figure, and the per- 
 fecuted Sneak is ftill in his Face, tho' 
 ' he ripw fets up for a Perfecutor. 
 
 * IF the fower Behaviour and Hypocri- 
 1 fie, which the Enemies to DilTenters ac- 
 1 cule them of, was utterly forgotten, and 
 
 * which by their Freedom and more open 
 
 * Communication with the reft of the 
 
 * World from the Toleration, is really at 
 c an End, I fay, if all this were wholly out 
 ' of the Memory of Man, all their Ran- 
 
 4 cour,
 
 IV* The LOVER. 9$ 
 
 cour, Spite, and Obflinacy might be re- 
 vived among the Crabtrees. This Par- 
 ticular however is to be more emphati- 
 cally enlarged upon by thofe who fhall 
 write their Hiftory, which is, that they, 
 are impudent to a Jefl. They having as 
 little Refpeft for Mankind, as Mankind 
 has for them, they do not care howgrofs 
 the thing is they attempt, fo they can 
 carry it. Sir Anthony wanting a Caufe, 
 the laft Circuit, to keep up the Face of 
 his Grandeur, and to make himfelf pp- 
 pular, fpoke to Erlckduft to accufefome 
 Body for Difrefpeft to an Illuflrious Fa- 
 mily. They could not find fuch a one, 
 but Brickduft told him of a Hawker who 
 had Books about him writ in Favour of 
 that Houfe. Sir Anthony faid, that would 
 do as well, provided they could perfuade 
 People to pronounce the Books were a- 
 gainft that Intereft. Well, they got the 
 poor Hawker in amongft them, at a Coun- 
 ty Court, and in fpite of all that the 
 Gentlemen of greateit Honour, Quality 
 and Eftate could fay, the Cry went againft 
 the Pedlar. There were indeed a great 
 many People of Senfe and Faftrion, who 
 are carryed away by the Crabtrees , fol- 
 licited to call out, that the Hawker ihould 
 be turned out of the Place, when they 
 faw, from the Appearance for Him, they 
 ; could carry it no further. But they could 
 
 procure
 
 96 The LOVER. N i 4 ; 
 
 procure no Body to do even this, but a 
 natural Fool, who had made fport at a 
 Wmchefler Wedding, and is every where 
 
 * as much known for an Ideot, as if he had 
 his Moorijh Dancers Habit and Bells on. 
 
 * Thus between Jeft and Earneft they turn- 
 
 * ed out the Pedlar, for the very contrary 
 of what the Fellow had done. Sir Ah- 
 thony fays this was right, and ftillprofefTes 
 c he is a Friend to that Family ; for, fays 
 < that merry cunning Fellow, if I can bring 
 c it to that pafs that no body fhall dare to 
 
 * fpeak for them, without my leave, I mall 
 eafily manage that no body dare to be 
 
 * againft them. This is, Mr. MYRTLE, 
 ' the Logick of the Crabtrees. But I 
 4 know not how to relate half the fine 
 ' things I know of them; read Sancho Tan- 
 chas Government in Bar at aria, get Hit- 
 ' dibras by heart, caftyourEye upon Books 
 
 * of Dreams> Incantations and Witchcrafts, 
 
 * and it will give you fome faint Piftures 
 
 * of the Exotick and ComickDefigns of this 
 
 * unaccountable Race, who are (accord- 
 c ing to their own different Accounts of 
 their Parts and Births) occafionally Sy- 
 c riansy Egyptians, Saxons, Arabians, and 
 4 every thing but Welch, Eritifb, Scotch, 
 
 * Irijh, or any thing that is for the Inter- 
 ' eft of thefe Dominions. As you are the 
 'Patron of Love, I defire to know of you 
 ''whether, after this faithful Reprefenta- 
 
 * tion
 
 The LOVE R: 97 
 
 tion of things, you ought to lament that 
 your Friend has been rejected by the 
 Cra&trees. 
 
 Tour tnofl humble Servant, 
 Ephraim CaftJefoap. 
 
 NI$. Tuefday, March 31. 
 
 Crede miki, quamvis contemnas murmur a <^ 
 Hie tibi pallori, Cynthia, verfus erit. Proper. 
 
 I Should be but a very ill Guide to others, 
 in the Ways of this Town, if 1 con- 
 tinually kept in my Lodge; 1 do fome- 
 timesmake Excurfions and vifit my Neigh- 
 bours, whofe Manners and c.hara<fters can- 
 not hut be of great Ufe to the Youth of 
 this Kingdom, whom 1 propofe to conduct 
 in Safety, if they will follow my Advice. 
 It is the Bufmefs of a Pilot to difcover 
 Shoals, Rocks and Quickfands, in order to 
 land his Paflengers in Safety. I (hall take 
 Pains to hang out Lights, but if thofewho 
 Sail after me will rather chufe to be Brand- 
 ed, (where 1 have given them a Signal of 
 Danger,) than follow my Courfe, their 
 H Ship-
 
 9g The LOVER. N is. 
 
 Shipwrack is not to be imputed to me who 
 lead them. 
 
 THERE are now in Town, among 
 the Ladies who have given up all other 
 Considerations, to gratify themfelves in one 
 fort of Delight, Three Eminent above the 
 reft for their Charms and Vices. The firft 
 can onlypleafe Novices; the fecond feeks 
 only Men of Bufmefs, and fueh of them 
 as are between Fools and Knaves; the third 
 runs through the whole Race of Men, and 
 has Arts enough about her to enfnare them 
 all, as well as Defire enough to entertain 
 them all. Thefe Ladies are profefled Cur- 
 tezans, and live upon it. 
 
 THE firft I (hall give an Account of is 
 Jenny Lif/y. All Creatures of Prey have 
 their particular Game, and never dream 
 of any other. Jenny never aims at any but 
 Novices, and ihe makes her Advances with 
 fo much Skill, that ihe is feldom without 
 two or three in purfuit of her, who arein 
 their firil Month of a Town-Life. I fate 
 by her, a Week or two ago, at a Play; 
 there was feated juit before her a pretty 
 fnug A:ademick, who, I obferved, was 
 deltmed for her Entertainment that Even- 
 ing. There fate by her a courfe Hoyden 
 in a bhck Scarff, who feemed a Servant 
 Maid itoln ouc with Jenny on this Frolick 
 to a Play. Jenny, at every thing which 
 patted in the Play that had little Senfe in 
 
 ' it,
 
 NI?. The LOVER. 99 
 
 it, was fo delighted as not to contain her 
 felf from loud Laughs, but particul.rly 
 checked her felf, with a well-aded R imp- 
 like Confufion, when me was obferved by 
 the pretty young Gentleman; her Maid 
 profeffing, in a lower Voice, Ihe w ;,uld 
 never come abroad with her again Many 
 kind Looks however paiTed between my 
 young Gentleman, and one he conceived 
 as unskilled in the Town as himfelf. She 
 begged his Pardon, two or three times, 
 for preffing upon him negligently, and 
 hoped there was no Oftence, in fuch a 
 Tone and Voice, and fuch a natural Im- 
 pertinence, and want of Judgmenc, as would 
 have deceived any Man in Town but Ro- 
 ger Veterane, who fu f pects every thing. 
 IVIy young Spark offert n.s Service, at the 
 end of the Play, to fee her out ; Jenny -faid 
 he was a Stranger to her, tho' he looked 
 like a civil Body; but her Maid interpofed 
 an^ faid, If the Gentleman will get us out 
 of the Crowd, there can be no harm, fmce 
 fhe would keep with her. 
 
 TH h', fecond Woman of Confideration 
 is that artful ihy Dame Madam Twilight. 
 This Lady has got a Step or two in Aue, 
 Experience, and Addrefs, beyond Mifs 
 'Jenny abovementioned. She has been a- 
 bove thefe ten Years known for whar (he 
 is, but ilie has preferved fuch a Decency in 
 her Manners, and has fo little Frolick m 
 H * her
 
 100 Tk LOV ER. N^iy. 
 
 her Temper, that every Lover takes it (he 
 is as much pkafed with him, as he with 
 her. Twilight therefore has patted her ten 
 Years Libertinifm in fhort Marriages, rather 
 than different Riots. The many Gallants, 
 whofe Relicl fhe is, treat her with Civility 
 and Refpeft where-ever they meet her, 
 and every Man flatters himfelf it is the 
 Neceflity of her Affairs made her takefuch 
 a loofe, but fhe certainly loved no body 
 but him. Twilight^ as I faid, is never out- 
 rageoufly joyful, but can comply with a 
 \Vhifper, and retire very willingly with 
 great Reluctance, feldom difcovering De- 
 fire enough to overcome the Confufion to 
 which her Compliance obliges her. Bui 
 I mull leave her Character half drawn, and 
 in the Drefs fhe often affedls, a Veil, to ha- 
 ften to her who gives me moft difquiet of 
 any of her Sex, when I am endeavouring 
 to fave the Free and Innocent from the 
 Slavery to which flie affetfs to reduce all 
 Mortals, efpecially thofe of Merit. 
 
 THIS Lady, who is the Heroine of 
 to-Day's Paper, as well acquainted with 
 this Town as the Plains of Arcadia^ dig- 
 nified and diftinguilhed among the loofe 
 Wanderers of Love by the Name of C//- 
 damira, f Duftgown* is Miftrefs of the whole 
 Art of Women ; fhe can do what fhe pleafes, 
 with whom fhe pleafes, and I have not 
 yet known anyone thac cou'd fave himfelf 
 
 from
 
 Ni?: The L O V E R. 101 
 
 from her but by flight. She can, as Occa- 
 iion ferves, be termagant and haughty, if 
 the Follower is in his Nature fervile; then 
 again fo humble and refigningto thofewho 
 love and admire, none but themfelves! She 
 can lead the Conversation among raw 
 Youths who are proud of being admitted 
 into her Company, and will Lifp and grow 
 foGirlifh,and prevail upon hardened and ex- 
 perienced Rakes of theTown, who are above 
 hurting any thing but Innocence, tlidamira 
 is a Female Rake; the Male ones, I juft 
 now obferved, affect moftly to have to do 
 with the Innocent, and Clidamiras PaiRon 
 is to deceive and bubble the Knowing. To 
 indulge this Humour in herfelf, me has all 
 the Learning of a Spark of the Town, is 
 deep in Mifcellany Poems, Plays, Novels 
 and Romances; has the Copies of Verfes, 
 Scandals and Whifpers all the Winter, 
 which are brought forth in London and 
 Weftminfter; all the Summer thofe pro- 
 duced atEffom, Tunbrige^ and \hzBath\ her 
 Lewdnefsis as great, and her Underftand- 
 ing greater than that of any of her Admi- 
 rers: By the force of the latter me is as 
 much courted, even by thofe who have had 
 her (as the Phrafe is) as the fined Woman 
 whofe Charms are yet untafted ; her Skill 
 is fuch, that her Practice in Wickednefs 
 has not at all made her Hipocrifie of Inno- 
 cence appear awkard or unlovely, but flic 
 H 3 caa
 
 IO2 The LOVER. N i*. 
 
 can be any thing fhe ever was, to thofewho 
 like what fhe was, better than what Ihe is, 
 the molt accomplifht Frolick, and diflblute 
 of all Wenches. What makes me have no 
 Patience with Madam'Z)///?^'^;/ is, that fhe 
 is now laying all her Snares, and difplay- 
 ing all her Cha ms,to withdraw my Heart 
 from Mrs. 'Page. But flie fhall die; I will 
 facrifice her, to gain a Smile for that Me- 
 rit from my own inc mparable Fair One. 
 CLI'DAMIRA has at this time three 
 different Keepers; a rich Citizen, whom 
 ihe has Orders, up.m Occafion, to write 
 to in the Stile of a Widow who wants his 
 Charity; a Married Man of Quality, whom 
 ihe is to addrefs fo, as that his Lady, who 
 ib as jealous as a Statefman, and admires her 
 Lord for the I meft Gentleman in the World, 
 might read it ; her third is a Gentleman 
 learned in the Laws, whom fhe writes to 
 as his Client, when fhe has a mind to raife 
 fmall Sums to fupport her lavilh Gallant, 
 who lives upon gratifying her real Paflion, 
 and fharing the Hire of her Proltitution. It 
 was neceflary laft Week her dear Comrade 
 iliould have a fine Horfe he had feen ; fhe 
 levyed the Price of him upon her Slaves by 
 the following Method. She writes 
 
 To
 
 jij. The LOVER. IQ3 
 
 To her City Friend. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 T")I D I not know what Ads of Chari- 
 *-^ ty your Worfhip daily does, and 
 that your good Lady is as inclined to do 
 good as your felf, I mould not take this 
 Liberty to move your Companion to the 
 Widow and Fatherlefs. If your Wor- 
 fhip's Bufmefs mould divert you from tak- 
 ing Notice of this according to Direction 
 here-under written, I fliall prefume to 
 wait upon your Lady my felf. 
 
 / am, &c. 
 
 THE latter Circumitance being a 
 Threat, immediately produced a Largefs 
 above her ordinary Salary. 
 
 THE great Skill is to write Letters that 
 may fall into any Hands, even a Wife's, 
 and difcover nothing. Her Stile to my 
 Lord was thus. 
 
 My Lord, 
 TS it poffibleyou can doat with fo much 
 
 -* c Conflancyon the Charms of a Wife, 
 c to be blind to the thoufand namelefs things 
 6 that I do and fay before you, even in her 
 Prefence, to reveal a Paflion too ftrong 
 tobefmothered? 
 
 H 4 MY
 
 104 The LOVER. N<ll 5*- 
 
 MY Lady pouts ten Days after the in- 
 tercepting fuch a Billet, mifinterprecs e- 
 very 1 ook and Sentence of every Friend 
 fhe has, and keeps my Lord waking till 
 he has dived into the Matter, and lined 
 for his Quiet to Clidamira. 
 
 HER worthy Chamber Council is cap- 
 tivated at the prodigious Wit of the Crea- 
 ture, when me fends a bundle of old Parch- 
 ments from Widow Lackitt^ and has them 
 lodged with his Clerk with a couple of 
 Guineas, and underwrites fhe will give 
 him his Brief at her own Lodgings The 
 bufie Creature, who is in Joy when he is 
 not adually taking Pains, is fo exquifitely 
 exalted at the Wit, Cunning and ' ddrefs 
 of deceiving that notable deep Difcerner 
 his own Clerk ; that, for fear of appearing 
 too dull for an Hint himfelf, Cafhis imme- 
 diately conveyed to his Client, as left with 
 him from the Perfon who is to lend the 
 Mony upon the Mortgage Thus the 
 fly Thief ihows, tho' he is a Man of Bufi- 
 nefs, if he would give his Mind to it, he 
 could be as notable a Gallant as the beft. 
 She is accommodated, and her Council is 
 cheated in Raptures. 
 
 Thurfday,
 
 The LOVER. 10$ 
 
 N 16. Thurjday> dfril i. 
 
 - Some Grains ofSenfi 
 Still mixt with Follies of Imfertinence. 
 
 Rochefter's Poems. 
 
 TH E Writer of the following Letter 
 being a Perfon, if you will believe 
 his own Story, the mod imperti- 
 nently crofled in Love that ever any Mor- 
 tal was, and allowing his Letter to fit on- 
 ly for one Day in the Year, I have let him 
 have his Will, and made it the Bufinefs of 
 this. 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 I writ my laft to you, where- 
 in I gave you fome Account of the 
 confounded Ufage which I met with from 
 the mifchievous and ridiculous Race of 
 the Crab-trees^ I have made it my bufi- 
 nefs to enquire into, and confider the 
 Arts and Stratagems, by which a People 
 fo like in Genius to the Cercofitheci^ 
 ihould fo long be fuffered to impofe up- 
 on many wife, brave and learned Gen- 
 tlemen in this County. After much Deli- 
 
 beration.
 
 106 The LOVER. 
 
 beration with my felf I am come to this 
 Resolution, That all their SuccefTes are 
 owing to a certain graceleis Impudence 
 < in themfelves, and an unmanly Mode- 
 fly in others. There is nothing but they 
 will attempt from their want of Defe- 
 ' rence to the reft of the World; and 
 c there is nothing but others feem ready 
 tofufFer from a too g-eat Senfibility of 
 c what the World will think of them. A- 
 
 * mong other the extraordinary Circum- 
 f ftances by which this Race is fignalized, 
 c I am moil diverted with their .Superili- 
 c tion ; they are, you muft know, great 
 c Observers of lucky and unlucky Days, 
 and Sir Antbony, whofe great Talent 
 c lies in making Fools of Mankind, chufes 
 on the firft ^ April to fettle his Schemes 
 c for the enfuing Year ; and yet with all 
 c the hurry which he eternally appears in, 
 
 * he is the lazieft Thief living. One of 
 his Proportions for Management is to 
 
 * affed Buftle, and avoid Bufmefs: This, 
 c with feveral other as wife Maxims, is fee 
 c down by his Secretary to be entered up- 
 c on the ill of ^r/7next. The next to 
 c that, as I could gather it out of Mr. Se- 
 < cretary's Loptick Charafters, is, Never 
 
 * to look before hand, but do as well as 
 
 * you can in the prefent Moment. 
 
 ' Sir A NT HO NT has had great Suc- 
 f cefs in following this latter Pofition; 
 
 ' but
 
 Ni6. The LOVER; IC7 
 
 but his Nod die is fo full, by being always 
 
 < extiicating himfelf from fome prefent 
 
 * Difficulty, that he has not time to re- 
 
 * fled, that tho' Men will bear fome Hard- 
 c (hips into which they arefurprized, they 
 
 * may be roufed by repeated Injuries. 
 
 THEY tell me mod incredible 
 Whimfies of him. Among the reft, that 
 
 * he fliall take a Book of Humour and Ri- 
 
 * dicule, and take upon him to draw out 
 ' a Scheme of Politicks hid under thofe 
 feeming Pleafantries. A notable Money 
 
 < Scrivener has informed me, that his 
 c Knighthood has conceived a mighty O- 
 c pinion of South Sea Stock, not from the 
 ' National and folid Security that is given 
 
 * tofupportthelntereft thereof, but from 
 
 * the following memorable PaiTage in the 
 ' 94-th Page of a Book called a Tale of a 
 4 Tub. Mod People agree that Piece was 
 
 * written ftr the advancement of Religi- 
 c on only ; but Sir Anthony ', who fees more 
 
 * and lefs than any other Man living, will 
 c have it to be a Collection of Politicks; 
 
 * and the Paragraph upon which he 
 c grounds his kind Conception of the 
 4 Fund abovementioned, is as follows. 
 
 < THE fir ft Undertaking of Lord Peter 
 c was to Purchafe a large Continent lately 
 
 * faid to have been difcovered in Terra Au- 
 
 < itralis incognita. ThisTratt of Land be 
 c bought a very great 'Pennyworth from the 
 
 'Difcoverers
 
 IDS The LOVER. NI. 
 
 c Difco t verers themfelves ( tho* fome pre- 
 tended to doubt whether they had ever 
 
 < been there) and then retailed it intofeve- 
 
 * ral Cantons to certain *Dealers y who car- 
 
 * ried over Colonies, but were all Ship- 
 wreckt in the Voyage. ^Opon which Lord 
 Peter fold the faid Continent to other Cu- 
 
 * ftomers again, and again, and again, and 
 
 * aga ; n with the fame Succefs. 
 
 Mr. M7 RTLE, if you Publifh this 
 
 < Ribaldry I flow fend you, be fure you 
 chufe the bay aufpicious to the Crab- 
 trees (to wit) the ittof^r//, a Day 
 wherein, time out of Min^, People have 
 thought fit to divert themfelves with 
 
 < paffingupon their Neighbours Nonfenfe 
 and Impofition for Wit and Art. But 
 ' to go on ; in order to amafs a vaft Sum 
 of Money which he defigns to place in 
 the Fund, the Benefits of which are fo 
 c myfteriouily defcribedinth?abovemen- 
 
 < tioned Political Difcourfe, Sir Anthony 
 
 * has refolved to part with the mod valu- 
 
 * able Manufcripts in his Library, which 
 
 * are actually fent to Town to be fold on 
 the faid ift Day of April \ and Cata- 
 c logues given gratis to all the Fellows of 
 the Royal Society. The things which 
 
 * he expeds mod for, are as follows, Fo- 
 
 * bor Camolanthi\ Rudiments of Letter s\ 
 
 * being the firft Scrawls made by the faid 
 c Q&molanthi with his own Hand, before 
 
 the
 
 ii*. The LOVER. 109 
 
 the Invention of Writing, wherein is to 
 be feen the firft B that ever was made. 
 The fecond Curiofity is the very white 
 Wax which JohnaGant had in his Hand, 
 when he made the famous Conveyance 
 by an Overt Acl of biting, and the fol- 
 lowing Words, 
 
 * In witnefs that this is Sooth y 
 
 ' I' bite the white Wax with my Tooth. 
 
 'THE third is an Egyptian Mummy, 
 ' very frefh, and fit to be kept as a Pre- 
 ' decefTor to any Houfe which is fo An- 
 
 * cient as to have loft the Records of its 
 Anceftry. 
 
 'THE fourth is the fir ft hallowed Slip- 
 per which was kiffed in honour of St. Pe- 
 ' terj who is reported by Hereticks to 
 
 * have worn none at all himfeff, but to 
 
 * have gone a fiftiing barefoot, It would 
 c be endlefs to tell you all Circumftances 
 
 < of thefe prodigious Fellows, but Zacha- 
 ' riah and Brickdufl are gone Poll to Lon- 
 ' don to vouch for thefe Antiquities. Za- 
 ' chariah) Sir Anthony fays, has a very 
 ' good Countenance to {land by \\\eMutn- 
 ' my at the Sale, as well as to vouch for 
 ' the White Wax in the Convey m e: I 
 don't know what they may do with you 
 
 < Londoners* but they have quite loftthem- 
 ' felves at Gotham> and the twelve wife 
 
 Men
 
 HO The LOVER^ N* 16. 
 
 Men are afliamed of them; upon which 
 the Crabtrees fay they will have twelve 
 others, but this is fuppofed to be only a 
 Bounce; for the Gothamites begin to 
 perceive, tho' too late, that the Crab- 
 trees are not fuch cunning Curs as they 
 pretend, but are at the Bottom Fools, 
 tho' they fet up for the other Character. 
 I fuppofe you muft have heard the Story 
 of the Book-man; filling upon that in- 
 confiderable Fellow has explained them 
 more than any thing that ever happened, 
 and Sir Anthony, by all intelligent Peo- 
 ple, was reckoned a Cudden for medling 
 with him; for, fay they, there were a 
 thoufand ways of getting rid of him, and 
 it was not worth doing it, whatever 
 Chaftifemenc they might put him tp, at 
 the rate of expofingthemtelves and their 
 Affairs to the Examination which that 
 impotent Vengeance brought upon them. 
 THUS the Crabtrees, who indeed 
 never had Senfe, have now loll the Ap- 
 pearance of it; andS\Yj4nthotiy, fortHefe 
 ten Days laft paft, could not get any Bo- 
 dy to whifper him: When he offers ir, 
 the Party attempted {lands full before 
 him, and there you fee poor Sir Antho- 
 ny, in a need to whifper, jerking and 
 writhing his Noddle, and begging an 
 Audience of a Starer who a ds in rhe 
 Poilure of a Man {tiff with Amazement, 
 
 that
 
 i. The L O V E R. in 
 
 that he had not found him out before. If 
 you'll turn to the next Page to that I quo- 
 ted above, to wit, the nexr to the 94th, 
 (which Phrafe I own 1 (leal from Juve- 
 nal's Vofoeris a prima qu proxima,) you 
 will find that Sir Anthony Hole the man- 
 ner of his Levy from Lord 'Pcter\ In- 
 vention of erecting a whiff ering Office? 
 for the publick Good and t,afe of all 
 Eves-droppers, Phyficians, Midwives, 
 fmall 'Politicians, Friends fallen out, re- 
 peating Poets, Lovers happy or in dejpair. 
 Bawds > Trivy-Councellors, 'Pages, Pa- 
 
 rafites and Buffoons. An /Iffes Head 
 
 was placed fo conveniently, that the Par- 
 ty might eajlly with his Mouth accoft ei- 
 ther of the Animal's Ears. The other 
 Parts of that Paragraph are too courfe to 
 be repeated. Sir Anthony is mightily a- 
 fraid his dear Relations will hardly get 
 fafe back again to him, and therefore 
 like the Country Fellow who faid, it 
 was pity there was not an Aft of^Parlia- 
 ment again ft all Foreigners that fbould pre- 
 tend to invade this Land, he has given 
 them aPafs which he thinks will be of as 
 much Force all over Englan , asitw mid 
 lately have been in this County where he 
 is a ultice. There is one particular plea- 
 fant Claufe in it, wherein he requires 
 all People, n t wirhftandingtheir Looks, 
 to let them pafs for honelt Men. 
 
 ZA-
 
 H2 The LOVER. N*!/: 
 
 < ZACHARIAH difputed carrying 
 that Claufe, and faid he was fure no Bo- 
 dy could take him for any other ; but 
 Sir Anthony over-ruled him, and in his 
 fnearing way faid, it could do him no 
 harm to have it about him: Which is all 
 at prefent, 
 
 From the mofl unfortunate of Lover s> 
 Ricardetto Languenti. 
 
 N17- Saturday^ A^ril 3. 
 
 Who taught the Parrot humane Notes to try. 
 Or 'with a Voice endued the chatfring Pie ? 
 'Iwas witty Want fierce Hunger to appeafe : 
 Want taught their Majlers^ and their Maflers thefe. 
 
 DrydenV Perfius, 
 
 MRS. Anne Tage was fmiling very 
 graciouily upon me, in a Dream 
 between feven and eight yelter- 
 day Morning, when three thundering 
 Knocks at my Door drove the fair Image 
 from my Fancy, as 'Diana was hurried to 
 the Moon by the Cymbals and Trumpets 
 of Heraclea. My Servant came up to me, 
 while I was cuifing the rude Hand that 
 
 had
 
 Ni 7 . The LOVER. 113 
 
 had difturbed me ; and delivered me a Let- 
 ter, which was given him, as he fpid, by 
 a luftyfrefh-coloured young Man in (an Em- 
 broidered Coat, who promifed to Call up- 
 on me, two Days hence, at the fame Hour. 
 The dread of fuch another Noife made me 
 break open the Letter with fome Preci- 
 pitation. 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 Stor V in fllort is this - M y Father 
 kept me unc i erj a fter I came from 
 
 School, and fnubbed me confumedly, 
 till I was Five and twenty ; and then he 
 died, and left me Three thoufand fcr 
 Annum. 1 came to London, this Winter, 
 where I am to be married to a fine young 
 Lady, when I can get her in the Mind. 
 But, I don't know how, there is noplea- 
 fing of her. She hath made my Heart 
 ake fo often, that I have refolved tofol- 
 low fomebody elfe ; but fhe hath fuch a 
 way with her Eyes, that I cannot do with- 
 out her. When 1 firit came to Town, I 
 heard flie (hould fay, how that I was fo 
 Rough ! Upon which I fhaved every Day, 
 and walhed my Hands once in half an 
 Hour, for a Week together. Being in- 
 formed, that fhe hoped I might be To- 
 lljhed in time, I got a broad French Bea- 
 ver, and an Embroidered Coat, that cott 
 me Threefcore Pound, I cannot indeed 
 I < blame
 
 114 The LOVER. N9l 7- 
 
 blame her for complaining that I have no 
 Tafte, for I have loft my Stomach ; and 
 I entirely agree with her that I want Air, 
 for I am almoit choaked in this fmoaky 
 Town. But this is not all. She hath gi- 
 ven out, that fhe wifhes 1 would Travel: 
 And fhe told me no longer fmce than 
 yeiterday, that the Man ihe married 
 ftiould make the Tour of Italy. Now, 
 Sir, I would be at any Kxpence, in Build- 
 ing, to pleafe her ; but as for going into 
 Out-landifh Countries, I thank her for 
 That. In fhort, {he would have me out 
 of the way. For you muft know, there 
 is a little Snipper-fnapper from Oxford 
 that is mightily in her Books. I don't 
 know how it comes to pafs; but though 
 he hath but a plain grey Suit, he hath 
 fuch a fawning way with him, that my 
 Mind mifgives me plaguily. He hath 
 Words at his Fingers ends, and I can fay 
 nothing but he has fome Anfwer or a- 
 nother that puts me out; and yet he 
 talks fo, that one cannot be Angry 
 neither. He always reads your LOVERS 
 to her, and I hear her fay often, that fhe 
 fhould like fuch an ingenious Man as 
 Mr. MYRTLE. Now,whatldefireisyour 
 Advice ; for, as I told you before, i can- 
 not do without her. I am a hearty Fel- 
 low, and believe me, if you do me any 
 
 Good,
 
 Ni7. The LOVE R: 115 
 
 Good, you fhall have Gloves, and dance 
 at my Wedding. 
 
 Tour humble Servant to Command, 
 Timothy Gubbin. 
 
 I T falls out very luckily that I can re- 
 commend Mr. Gubbin to a Perfon for his 
 Purpofe, without further rifquing my own 
 Repofe. The following Letter, which I 
 received a Week ago, ftiall ferve for an 
 Anfvver to His. And I further declare, 
 that I conflitute the Author thereof my 
 Efquire, according to the Prayer of his 
 Petition. 1 have accordingly affigned him 
 an Apartment in the Lover's Lodge ; and 
 (hall further encourage him, as I find his 
 Merits anfwerable to his Pretenfions. 
 
 Launcelot Bays to MAR.MADUKE MYRTLE? 
 
 C A S 
 ^ ' 
 
 Courteous Knight, 
 
 you are a Profeffbr and Patron of 
 Love, I throw my felf at your Feet 
 to beg a Boon of you. When I have 
 told you my Story, you will confefsthat 
 I am the moft Amorous and Challe of 
 Swains. I am, Sir, by Profeffion, an 
 Author, and the Scene of my Labours 
 is a Garret. My Genius leads me to 
 I 2 * Love,
 
 H6 The LOVER. N* \i 
 
 Love, and I have a gentle manner. When 
 I have occafion for Mony, I fancy to my 
 felf a Lady, and write fuch foft things 
 as you would blefs your felf to hear. But 
 living at prefent in the City, where fuch 
 Ware fetches but little, I fliall, without 
 your AiMance,fall fhortly into great Po- 
 verty of Imagination. Would you be- 
 lieve it, Sir? I have lived this Month 
 on a Pofie for a Ring. 
 * MY Requeft is, that I may be tran- 
 fplanted from this barren Soil into Covent- 
 Garden. My greateft Ambition is to be 
 received in the Quality of Efquire to fo 
 courteous a Knight as you are; to carry 
 your Pen in this your gentle Warfare, 
 and do the Squirely Offices eftabliflied 
 in this Order of Chivalry. You may not 
 perhaps find me unqualified to take fame 
 Drudgeries off your Hands, which you 
 mull otherwife undergo ; and may pof- 
 fibly appoint me Sub-tutor to the Bri- 
 tijh Savages, before they approach the 
 Fair. It is thought fufficient that the 
 Taylor and Dancing-mafler have ma- 
 naged an awkard Boy at his firft coming 
 to Town : Nay, upon the flrength of a 
 Box of fne Myrtle Barcelona^ a young 
 Fellow, now-a-days, fets up for Love 
 and Gallantry. The ill Succefs of fuch 
 unformed Cavaliers, makes a Perfon of 
 my Talents necefTary in a civilized Coun- 
 
 < try.
 
 N-i7. The LOVER. 117 
 
 * try. You know, the Ladies will beat- 
 tacked in form, before they Men to 
 Terms; and though they do not abfolute- 
 ly infift upon Hanging or Drowning, they 
 think it but decent, that fuch Attempts 
 be made in Rhyme and Sonnet. I believe 
 you will agree with me, that no Woman 
 of Spirit thinks a Man hath any Refpecl 
 for her, 'till he hath plaid the Fool. in 
 her Service; and the mean Opinion that 
 Sex hath of a Poet, makes any thing in 
 Metre, from a Lover, an agreeable Sacri- 
 fice to their Vanity. 
 
 ' NOW, fince there are fewHeads turn- 
 ed both for Drefs and Politenefs, fmce 
 witty Sayings feldom break out from 
 two Rows of fine Teeth, and true Spell- 
 ing is not often the Work of a pretty 
 Hand : I propofe, for the good of my 
 Country, to fet up a Toy-fhop of writ- 
 ten Baubles, and Poetical Trinkets. The 
 Perfumes of Flattery, the Cordials of 
 Vows, the Salts of Wit, and the Watties 
 of Panegyrick are ranged in due order, 
 
 * and placed. in proper Receptacles to be 
 
 * retailed out at reafonable Prices. Here 
 4 the Spark may be furniihed with Satyrical 
 
 * Lalhes, when he has loft his Clouded 
 4 Cane. Here he may purchafe Points, 
 c Conceits, and Repartees, as ufeful againrt 
 
 * an Enemy as the niceft Puihes his Fen- 
 
 * cing-Matter can teach him. The moft 
 
 I 3 grace-
 
 I IS The L O VER. N '7. 
 
 * graceful Bow, he can learn, ftiall be flill 
 
 * improved by a Compliment I can put in 
 
 * his Mouth; and, to fay no more, his Pe- 
 ' riwig mail by my Means, be the leaft 
 
 < valuable thing upon his Shoulders. 
 
 * NO generous Lover will repine at my 
 
 < good Fortune, when he hears that 1 get 
 a warm Coat by that which gains him the 
 Embraces of a Bride. While he feafls 
 
 * all his Senfes,! mail content my felf with 
 . the Luxury of fome Meat, and much 
 Drink. Thus, an equal Diftribution will 
 be made of Worldly Pleafures. As They 
 
 * become undoubtedly Happy, I (hall grow 
 undoubtedly Fat; Hearts will be at Reft, 
 ' and Dunns be payed. 
 
 THE following Lift of my Wares I 
 
 * defire you to advertife ; which will not 
 c fail, I hope, to bring Cuftomers, and 
 ' may lay a Foundation for the Commerce 
 
 * of Love in this Trading Ifland. 
 
 LOVE-LETTERS and Sonnets, 
 by the Quire, at five Guineas the Profe, 
 
 * and ten the Verfe; with Allowance to 
 
 * thofe that buy Quantities. 
 
 A Sett of Rymes ready paired for any 
 
 * ordinary Amour; never ufed but twice. 
 
 < THE Art of Pleafmg; or, Rules for 
 
 * Defamation ; with a compleat Index. 
 
 * AN Apology for the Colour of a 
 
 * Lady's Hair; with a Word or two in 
 
 * defence of white Eye-lalhes * A
 
 N Q i7- The LOVER. 119 
 
 ' A Treatife for, and another againft 
 growing Fat. Sharp Sayings againft 
 Faults which People cannot help; with 
 Anfwers to each. 
 
 A Compliment for a Mafque, and a 
 Repartee for a Rival. Neither ever 
 fpoken before. 
 
 * AN Invedive againft embroidered 
 Coats, for the Ufe of younger Brothers; 
 to which is added an Appendix con- 
 cerning Fringed Gloves. 
 
 * A Lift of the Heathen Goddefles, with 
 the Colour of their Hair and Eyes ; for 
 the Afliftance of young Gentlemen, that 
 were never at the Univerfity. 
 
 DOUBLE Entendres, and Feeling 
 Language, colleded from the Works of 
 the moft celebrated PoetefTes of the Age. 
 ' VOWS for young Virgins, to befold 
 by Number ; and Flattery for old Maids 
 by Weight. 
 
 RAPTURES, Tranfports, and Ex- 
 clamations, at a Crown a Dozen. 
 < TURTLES, Fountains, Grottoes, 
 Forefts, Rofes, Tigrefles, Rocks and 
 Nightingales, at common Prices. 
 
 I 4
 
 120 The LOVER. N 
 
 N'I8. Tuefday, April 6. 
 
 leves cafiunt anitnos. Ovid. 
 
 I Was the other Night in the Box of the 
 Gallery at Sir Courtly Nice, a Come- 
 dy I never mifs for the Sake of the 
 Knight himfelf, Hothead and Teftimony, all 
 Parts in themfelves very diverting and 
 Excellently performed by the Aftors. Sir 
 Courttys Character expofes to an extrava- 
 gance thofe (hallow Creatures, whofe Ima- 
 ginations are wholly taken up with Form 
 and Outfide, and labour only at an Excel- 
 lence in indifferent things. To utter the 
 Words, Tour humble Servant, and Bow 
 with a different Air each time they are re- 
 peated, makes up his whole Partinasplea- 
 fant a Scene as any of the Comedy. This 
 puts me a mufing upon the Force of being 
 able to aft faftiionably in ordinary occnfi- 
 ons, and filling up their part of the Room 
 with a tolerable good Air, while there is 
 nothing pafling which engages the Atten- 
 tion of the Affembly or Company to any 
 one other Point. It ismonftrous to obferve 
 how few amongftus are able to do it, 'till 
 
 half
 
 Ni8. The LOVER. 121 
 
 half their Life is pafled away, and then at 
 Jail they rather get over it as a thing they 
 negleft, than behave themfelves in it as a 
 thing they have ever regarded. This mat- 
 ter is no where fo confpicuous as in an Af- 
 fembly pfMen of Parts, when they are got 
 together upon any great Point, as at the 
 College of Phyficians, the Royal Society, 
 or any other Place where you have had an 
 Opportunity of feeing a good many Engltjb 
 Gentfemen together. 1 have been mighti- 
 ly at a lofs whether this proceeds from a 
 too great RefpecT: for themfelves, or too 
 great Deference to others; but, it feems 
 to be partly one partly t'other. Whatever 
 the Caufe is, I have often feen the effecl: to 
 a very great degree of PJeafantry You 
 (hall, in the inilant a Man is going to fpeak, 
 fee him ilunt himfelf, and not rife within 
 three Inches of his natural height, but lean 
 on one fide, as if taken with a fudden Sci- 
 atica; and 'tis ten to one whether he reco- 
 vers, without danger of falling quite down 
 with (hifring Legs ; and I have known it, 
 when a very ingenious Gentleman has tri- 
 ed both his Legs, almofl to tripping him- 
 felf up, and then catched at himfelf with 
 his Arms in the Air, turned pale, and find- 
 ing by this time nil his Speech flared out of 
 his Head by a fet of ill-natured Curs that 
 rejoiced in his Confufion, fat down in a ii- 
 lence not to be broken during this Life. 
 
 There
 
 122 The LOVER. N ^- 
 
 There is no Man knows, till he has tried, 
 how prodigious tall he himfelf is: He can- 
 not be let into this till he has attempted to 
 fpeak in Publick ; when he firfl: does it, in 
 an inftant, from fitting to {landing up, the 
 Air is as much too fine for him, as if he 
 had been conveyed to the top of the Alps. 
 You fee him gafp, heave and ftruggle like 
 an Animal in an Air Pump, till he falls 
 down into his Seat, but enjoys his Health 
 well enough ever after, provided he can 
 hold his Tongue If the intended Orator 
 (land upon the Floor, I have feen himmif- 
 carry by taking only too large a Step for- 
 ward, and then in the Air of a Beggar, who 
 is recommending himfelf with a lame Leg, 
 fpeak fuch bold Truths, as have had an ef- 
 fecl jutt equal to the AfTurance with which 
 they were uttered. A too great regard for 
 doing what you are about with a good 
 Grace, deftroys your Capacity of doing it 
 at all; but if Men would place their Ambi- 
 tion firfl; upon the Virtue of the A ftion, and 
 attempt things only becaufeu is their Du- 
 ty to attempt them, grace of Aclion and be- 
 coming Behaviour would naturally attend 
 Truth of Heart and honefty of Defign; but 
 when their Imaginations are bent only up- 
 on recommending themfelves, or impofing 
 upon others, there is no wonder, that they 
 are feized with fuch awkard Derelictions 
 in the midft of their Vanity or Falfhood. 
 
 I
 
 Ni8. The LOVER, 125 
 
 I remember when I was a young Fellow, 
 there was a youn* Man of Quality that be- 
 came an accompliflied Orator in one Day. 
 The Circumttance was this: A Gentleman 
 who had chaftifed a Ruffian for an Infolence 
 towards aKinfwoman of his, was attacked 
 with outrageous Language in that Aflem- 
 bly ; when his Friend's Name was ill treat- 
 ed from Man to Man, this ingenuous Youth 
 difcovered the utmoft Pain to thofethat fat 
 near him, and having more than once faid, 
 I am fur e I could fght for him, why can't 
 1 ffeak for him? at laft flood up. The 
 Eyes of the whole Company were upon 
 him, and tho' he appeared to have utter- 
 ly forgot what he rofe up to fpeak, yet the 
 generous Motive which the whole Com- 
 pany knew he afted upon, procured him 
 fuch an Acclamation of Voices to hear 
 him, that he exprefled himfelf with a Mag- 
 nanimity and Clearnefs proceeding from 
 the Integrity of his Heart, that made his 
 very Adversaries receive him as a Man they 
 wirfied their Friend. I mention this Cir- 
 cumflance to (how, that the bed way to do 
 a thing as you oughr, is to do it only be- 
 caufe you ought. This thing happened 
 foon after the Reftoration, and I remem- 
 ber a fet of Fellows they called the new 
 Converts were the chief Speakers. It is 
 true they always fpoke againft their Con- 
 fcience; but having been longer ufed to 
 
 do
 
 124 The LOVER. N is. 
 
 do fo in Publick, (as all are gifted at their 
 Meetings) they excelled all other Protti- 
 tutes in firm Countenances and ftiff Bo- 
 dies. They were indeed ridiculous, but 
 they could bear to be ridiculous, and car- 
 ried their Points by having their Confci- 
 ences feared, while that of others lay 
 bleeding; but I am got into Chat upon 
 Circumftances .of a higher Nature than 
 thofe of ordinary Life, Compliment and 
 Ceremony. I was fpeaking of Sir Courttys 
 Tour humble Servant Madam. 
 
 AS for my part, I always approve ra- 
 ther thofe who make the mod of a little 
 Underftanding, and carry that as far asthey 
 can, than thofe who will not condefcend 
 to be perfect, if { may fofpeak, in the un- 
 der Parts of their Character. Mrs. <Page 
 faid very juftly of me, one Day, (for you 
 mutt know I am as mute as a Fifli in her 
 Prefence,) If Mr. Myrtle can't fpeak for 
 Love, and his Miftrefs can't fpeak out of 
 Decency, their Affair muft end as it be- 
 gan, only in dumb Show. I have a Cou- 
 fjn at the Univerfity who lately made me a 
 Vifit ; I know him to want no Learning, 
 \Vit or Senfe, if he would pleafe to dif- 
 pence it to us by Retail. He can make an 
 Oration or write a Poem, but won't let us 
 have any thing of his in fmall Parcels. He 
 is come indeed to bear our raillying him 
 upon it without being furly. I asked him, 
 
 if
 
 Ni8. The LOVER. 125 
 
 if he fhould talk with a Man who had a 
 whole Language except the Conjunctions 
 Copulative, how would he be able to un- 
 derftand him? Small Matters it is abfolute- 
 ly neceflary to capacitate our felvesfor: 
 Great Occafions do not occur every Mo- 
 ment. The Jew faidvery prettily, in de- 
 fence of his frequent fuperftitious Wafh- 
 ings, and the like outward Services; I do 
 thefe becaufe I have not always Opportu- 
 nities to manifeft my Devotion in Afts of 
 Virtue. I had abundance to do to make 
 my Coufin open his Mouth at all. He and 
 I, one Evening, had fate together three 
 Hours without uttering a Syllable; I was 
 refolved to fay nothing till he began the 
 Difcourfe, but finding the Silence endlefs, 
 I defired him to go down with me from 
 my Lodge, and walk with me in the Piaz- 
 za ; we took two or three turns there in 
 the dark in utter Silence ; at lafl faid I to 
 him, Coufin70/, this Taciturnity of thine, 
 considering the Senfe 1 know thou haft in 
 thee, is a Vexation I can no longer endure 
 with Patience ; we are now in the dark, 
 and I can't fee how you do it, but here give 
 me your Hand, let me, while 1 hold you 
 here, entreat you to exercife the Ufe of 
 your Lips and Tongue, and oblige me fo 
 far as to utter, with as much Vehemence 
 as you can, the Word Coach. My Youth 
 took my Friendfhip as I intended it, and, 
 
 as
 
 126 The LOVER. N'ig. 
 
 as well as he could in a laughing Voice, 
 he cried C-o-a-c-h; Very well Coufin, 
 fays I, try if you can fpeak it at once, with 
 which he began to cry Coach, Coach, pul- 
 ling himfelf out of my Hand; No, fays f, 
 Coufin, you mall not go till you are per- 
 fect; with that he called loudly and diflinft- 
 ly, infomuch that we had in an Inftant all 
 the Coaches from Will's and Tom's about 
 the Portico or little Piazza; the Fellows 
 began to call Names, as thinking themfelves 
 abuted fince no one came to take Coach; 
 upon which one cryed out, What Rafcals 
 are thofe in the Piazza? You Scoundrels, 
 faid I, what are you good for but to keep 
 yourHorfes and felves inExercife? would 
 you flare and (land idle at CofFee-houfe 
 Doors all Night? I went on with great Flu- 
 ency, in the Language thofe Charioteers 
 ufually meet with, upon which they came 
 down armed with Whips, and my Coufin 
 complaining his Sword was borrowed of 
 another College, and would not draw, 
 wondered I would bring my felf and him 
 into fuch a Scrape; he had not donefpeak- 
 ing before a Whip Lafh took him on the 
 Cheek, upon which my young Gentleman 
 fnatched my Cane out of my Hand, and 
 found every Limb about him as well as his 
 Tongue. 1 Hood by him with all my Might, 
 and would fain have brought it to that, 
 that my Coufm might be carried before a 
 
 Juftice,
 
 Ni8. <ih<> LOVER. 127 
 
 Juflice, by way of Exercife in different 
 Circumftances, rather than go on the infi- 
 pid, dull, ufelefs thing which an unmanly 
 Bafhfulnefs had made him; but he impro- 
 ved daily after this Adventure of the Coach- 
 men, and can be rough and civil as pro- 
 perly and with as good an Air as any 
 Gentleman in Town. In a Word, his 
 Aftions are genteel, manly, and volunta- 
 ry, which he owes to the Confidence in- 
 to which I at firft betrayed him, by the 
 filly Adventure 1 have now related. 
 
 N 19. Thurfday, April 8. 
 
 quid deceatynon videt ullus amans. Ovid. 
 
 I Shall be mightily in Arrear with my 
 Correfpondents, if! do not, for fome 
 time, appoint one Day in the Week 
 to take into Confideration their Epiftles. 
 
 THE firft that falls into my Hands, 
 out of a Bundle before me, is from an un- 
 happy Man who is fallen in Love, but 
 knows not with whom. Take his Cafe 
 from his own Epiflle. 
 
 Mr,
 
 128 The LOVER. Ni p . 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, April -$> 1714. 
 
 ^T Am a young Gentleman of a moderate 
 * ' Fortune, have fpent the greateft part 
 of my Time forthefe two or three Years 
 1 laft paft in what they call feeing the Town, 
 but am now refolved to Marry, andfor- 
 < fake that unfettled kind of Life. My 
 1 Thoughts are atprefent divided between 
 c two Sifters ; and as they are both amia- 
 1 ble, I can't as yet determine which to 
 1 make my Addrefles to, but muft beg your 
 5 Advice in this Critical Pofture of Affairs. 
 f Lucmda has Senfe enough, is very hand- 
 c fom, and excellently well fhaped, her Eyes 
 ; command Refpeft from all who behold 
 5 them; it is irnpoflible to fee and not a- 
 ; dore her ; fhe dances to thegreateft Per- 
 ; feftion imaginable, and is in fliort every 
 ; way fo well accomplifli'd, that her Charms 
 would be irrefiftible, had fhe not too 
 great a mixture of Pride, and did not 
 felf- Admiration in fome meafure obfcure 
 the Luftre of her Beauty. Celia is notfo 
 handfome as her Sifter, yet is very pret- 
 ty; when fhe Talks fhe captivates her 
 Hearers, yet feems wholly ignorant at 
 the fame time of her own Charms; and 
 when the Eyes of the whole Company 
 are fixt on her, fhe, with all the inno- 
 cence in the World, feems to wonder 
 at their Attention, and rather apprehends 
 
 < that
 
 *i9- The LOVER. 129 
 
 that fpme Defed in her Perfon or Con- 
 verfation, than any Perfection in either, 
 is the caufe of their earned Obfervance. 
 When I am with O//4,her agreeable ea- 
 fie Converfation and Good-humour ra- 
 vifh my Soul, and 'tis then I refolve with 
 my felf to fix my Thoughts on her alone ; 
 but when Lucmda, approaches, all my 
 Refolutions vanifli, and Pm Celta's no 
 longer. I have endeavoured to fearch 
 into my own Thoughts as nicely as pof- 
 fible, and have atlait difcovered that 'tis 
 Lucmda I admire, but Celia I love ; 
 I would therefore beg your Advice which 
 I ought to chufe, her, that by the deli- 
 cacy of her Face and Shape, and flate- 
 linefs of her Mien and Air, enforces my 
 Adoration ; or her that by the agreeable- 
 nefs of her Good-humour and Conver- 
 fation engages my Love. An Anfwer 
 to this will be very acceptable to 
 
 Tour humble Servant, 
 Charles Doubt. 
 
 THE Circumftance of this Gentleman 
 puts me in mind of a Paper of Verfes in 
 Sir John Suckling* upon two Sifters whofe 
 Beauties were fo equal and fo like, that 
 they diftrafted the Choice and Approbation 
 of their Beholders. While the Eyes of 
 K their
 
 130 The LOVER. N 19. 
 
 their Admirers were taken up in compar- 
 ing their feveral Beauties, their Hearts 
 werefafe by being unrefolved on whom of 
 the two to fix. That witty Author on 
 this Occafion concludes, 
 
 He fur e is happy ft that has hopes of 'either ', 
 Next him is he that fees them both together. 
 
 MY Correfpondent has not told me, 
 that he has not eafie Accefs to both his 
 young Ladies; while he enjoys that, lean- 
 not but propofe the Expedient of feeing 
 them both together, as an effectual Me- 
 thod towards coming to determination in 
 this Cafe, tho' it had the contrary EfYeft 
 in the Cafe of the Sillers reported by Suck- 
 ling. If my Correfpondent has dated the 
 matter, right Celia will gain Ground ofL- 
 r/^;for Beauty palls by intimate Conver- 
 fation, but good Humour and Affability 
 gain new Strength the more frequently 
 they difcover themfelves. I expeft this 
 Correfpondent, provided he goes into my 
 Method, fhould give me an Account how 
 he finds himfelf, that I may note it in my 
 Book of Receipts. 
 
 THE next Gentelman, I find, is ex- 
 treamly high in his Feaver, for he itarts 
 from one thing to another in the prefent 
 hurry of his Spirits, and makes itimpoflible 
 for me to give any regular Judgment of 
 his Condition. I rind he is but lately fall- 
 en
 
 Ni9- The LOVE R; 131 
 
 en into it, and I muft obferve his future 
 Letters very attentively, before I can be a- 
 ble to prefcribe any thing for his Recove- 
 ry. It is the Nature of his Difeafe, in 
 the firft Place, that the Patients think e- 
 very Man delighted with their Ravings. 
 The Stile of the Letter feems to me to be 
 that which the Learned in Love diftin- 
 guifh by the Sublime Unintelligible; but 
 take it from himfelf. 
 
 Oh \ Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 4 T T A D you feen her for whom my 
 ** < Bread pants this Moment, your 
 Ann Page had been as utterly no more 
 as Cleopatra who ruined Anthony, orSta- 
 tira who captivated Alexander\ heedlefs 
 
 Man that I was But what could Wif- 
 
 dom have availed me after feeing her! 
 As (he is fair,ihe is alfo inexorable. Alas! 
 that what moves Paflion fhould alfo be 
 a check to our Defires, and how mife- 
 rable is his Fate, who conceives De- 
 fpair from the Merit of what infpireshis 
 Admiration! Oh, dear Sir! fend me your 
 Advice, but I am fure I can't follow it, 
 and I lhall not have time to fhew you 
 how much I am 
 
 Tour humble Servant , 
 though I know I jhallbe Tours tillTteath, 
 Cinthio Languiflante. 
 K i I
 
 132 The LOVER. N 19. 
 
 1 {hall end ?o Day's Work with this no- 
 table piece of Complaint from poor Tim. 
 Gubbtn^ whofe Lamentation you mult take 
 in his own Words. 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 C C I N C E I writ to you lad, T have vifited 
 M thh Gentlewoman that 1 told you 
 of, and whom I cannot be without eve- 
 ry Day in the Week, except Sundays. 
 You cannot imagine how very Proud 
 Ihe is, and Scornful, tho' at the fame 
 time ihe knows 1 am better born than her 
 felf ; but ihe loves none but DifTem- 
 blers. The young Spark who I com- 
 plained to you was fo much in her Fa- 
 vour, told her fuch a parcel of Lies t'o- 
 ther Day, that I told him to his Face I 
 wonder'd he was not afham'd on it. You 
 mull know 1 believe moftof what he fays 
 i^ out of a Book. I am loathtobequarel- 
 lom, but if he Talks, and makes a Jeft 
 of me anv longer, as I find he does, I'll 
 make him underitand that I am as good 
 a ^holar at the Rapier as hirnfelf. I on- 
 ly ipeakit to you as a Cafe of Confcience, 
 and ask you the Queilion, whether if a 
 Man has more Wit than 1, and ufes it 
 againtt me, I may not ufe what I think I 
 have more than he againil him ? There- 
 fore if I may have your leave, I would 
 try my young Spark about the Bufmefs 
 
 c of
 
 NIO. The LOVER. 135 
 
 * of Courage. I have told my Miftrefs as 
 
 * much, but I don't know what (he means, 
 
 * but I think flie has as mad a way of talk- 
 
 * ing as he, and fays the wayto win her is 
 
 * to die for her my felf ; and if I won't do 
 
 * that, not to interrupt People who are 
 
 * better bred than my felf, who are willing 
 
 * to die for her. Prethee, Mr. MYRTLL, 
 
 * tell me what all this means, for tho' I 
 
 * have a very good Eftate, I am as unhap- 
 c py as if I were not worth a Groat, and 
 ' all for this proud Minx. 
 
 lam, SIR, 
 
 Tour moft Humble Servant, 
 
 Timothy Gubbin. 
 
 N2O. Saturday, Jlfril IO. 
 
 She dropt a Tear^ and Sighing feem'd to fay, 
 ToungMaidens Marry: Marry while you may. 
 
 Flatman. 
 
 I AM apt to believe the Circumftances 
 of the following Letter are unfeigned, 
 and therefore ihall not labour to make 
 jthem more entertaining by fabulous Orna- 
 K 3 < ments.
 
 134- The LOVER. N 10 ' 
 
 ments. I mall have, I dare fay, enough 
 to do in the Progrefs of the Matter, to 
 fliew my Skill in Love; therefore let the 
 following Letter lye before the Town, as a 
 plain Narrative of what, I fear, will have 
 more Incidents in it than it Ihould have, 
 were I my felf either the Son or the Fa- 
 ther in the Narration. I appeal to the Tea- 
 Tables on the Matter. 
 
 'Dear Mr. MYRTLE, 
 c T Have longhad a fecret (and I hope no 
 -*- Criminal) Ambition to appear in your 
 Writings, and an equal Defire to be un- 
 der your Direclion. If therefore you 
 haveKindnefs enough to gratifie the Va- 
 nity of an enamoured Female (who has 
 a mind to be admired in Coffee-houfes, 
 and is willing to believe, that by a little 
 of your Management fhe may make a to- 
 lerable figure among your Lovers;) and 
 to convin:e the World that you are refolv- 
 ed to be as good as your Word, by your 
 readinefs to give your Sage Advice to 
 thofe who need it, and humbly fue for 
 it; I earneilly entreat you to Print me 
 off to morrow, and at the fnme time to 
 publifh your Opinion of the following 
 Cafe: FortheGen'tlerniin, who next my 
 felf is more concern'd in : >t, has perufed 
 the Letter ! now prefume to fend you, 
 and has pofitively declared he will (land 
 to your Determination.
 
 LOVER. 135 
 
 Mr. CARELESS is a Gentleman 
 of the Mid die-Tern fie: He was fen t thi- 
 ther very young to Study the Law. He 
 has a Vivacity in all his Words and Adi- 
 ons, which has acquired him theEfteem 
 and good Graces of a great many of our 
 Sex. This kind of Happinefs made him 
 entirely neglect the chief Delign which 
 brought him up to London. Cook upon 
 Littleton grew mouldy and duily in his 
 Solitary Study, while he ihined among 
 the Ladies in his Coat turned up with 
 Velvet, and negligently grac'd with Oil 
 and Powder. He better knew how to 
 write a.Z?///^-^WATthan toEngrofs a Bill, 
 and he was much more expert in repeat- 
 ing Scraps of Plays, than in wording a 
 Petition. A certain Art he has of faying 
 the moil common things after an extra- 
 ordinary manner, was of very great ufe 
 to him in efFe&ually recommending him 
 to thofe Ladies, who are fond of that 
 kind of Innocent Mirth which keeps 
 Virtue always in danger, and cdnfequent- 
 ly alarmed, and not in a (lupid Security 
 which tends neither to Virtue or Vice. 
 
 But alas! where am I going? I 
 
 ask ten thoufand Pardons, dear Mr. 
 MYRTLE, for this long Preamble. What 
 I am going to confult you in is this. I 
 am a young Woman who have been but 
 Fourteen theie 3 Years pail (tho' to you 
 K 4 'I
 
 136 Tk LOVER. N *<> 
 
 I may venture to own, that I was Six and 
 twenty the ift Day of May laft.) My Fa- 
 ther was an Officer in the Army, and 
 tho' pretty well itricken in Years, yet 
 no Man was a greater Encourager of 
 Mirth and Diverfion than himfelf ; this 
 Turn of Humour in the good old Man, 
 made him extremely pleas'd with Mr. 
 Carelefs^ and unlefs the Bufmefs of his 
 Family required his more ferious Atten- 
 tion, he thought his Hours pad {lowly 
 on, if young Carelefs happened to be ab- 
 fent from our Houfe. This Gentleman's 
 clofe Intimacy with my Father, gave him 
 frequent Opportunities of being in my 
 Company ; and he has often in gayety 
 of Heart call me his Maria, hisMiitrefs, 
 his Charmer, and has told me a thou- 
 fand times over he was in Love with me, 
 in a way which goes for no more than 
 Madam I like your Company, However, 
 Mr. MYKTLE, you whofeem nobtran- 
 ger to the Weaknefles incident to our 
 bex, can't but imagine that a iingle Wo- 
 man, and no profds'd Enemy to Matri- 
 mony, was not difpleafed at fuch like 
 Declarations from a pretty Fellow that 
 was yoijng, lively, brisk, and did not 
 want Wit. Tho' he was thus agreeable, 
 and I neither infenfible of his Perfefti- 
 ons, nor difpleafed at his Addrefles to 
 me, yet rny Modefly laid too great a 
 
 c Reitridion
 
 N Q IO. The LOVER. 137 
 
 c Reftridion on me, to permit me to dif- 
 
 * cover to him at firfl the fecret Satisfafti- 
 on I took in hearing him praife me, and 
 4 how I was delighted when I liftened to 
 
 * the Declaration of his Paffion, What he 
 4 pratled at lait began to dwell upon me ; 
 
 * I grew afraid that all his Profeffions of 
 
 * this Nature were meer Amufements to 
 4 him, 'till one Evening when we were all 
 4 very Merry in the Parlour, dancing Coun- 
 
 * try Dances, and playing Plays, he faid 
 c fomewhat to me in Secret, which I fear 
 
 * I (hall all my Life wifh I had never 
 4 heard. 
 
 * I remember we were engaged at a 
 
 * Play called Servants and Miftrefles, 
 
 * when, among the Variety of Gentlemen 
 c which were given me to chufe out of, I 
 
 * pitched upon Mr. Carelefs as a Gentle- 
 c man the mod agreeable to my Fancy of 
 
 * any in the Company. Upon which he 
 
 * rofe up, made me a very modeft and re- 
 
 * fpedful Bow; and when, according to 
 4 the Cuilom of the Play, he had given a 
 
 * very graceful, and methought fomewhat 
 4 awful Salute, hewhifpered me and wifli- 
 c ed, with a Sigh, that he might be fohap- 
 ' py as to be my Choice in earneft -I 
 
 * hear the Words {till tingle in my Ear. I 
 4 ftole my Eye towards Mr. Carelefs the 
 4 whole Night after; and if he happened to 
 
 * compliment any of the Ladies, I took 
 
 4 particular
 
 I3S The LOVER. N 10 - 
 
 c particular Notice of her Countenance, I 
 
 * could not help thinking her very ugly, 
 c and that fhedidnot at all deferve to have 
 c any thing faid in her Praife : If he fmil- 
 
 < ed at my Coufin, who was tolerably 
 
 * handfdrne,! was ready to cry ; and when, 
 
 * in a fondling manner, he took my Sifter 
 
 * Sally on his Knee, methought my poor 
 c Heart grew as heavy as Lead. Well! 
 certainly my Inquietudes all that Night 
 are not, and to Mr. Myrtle need not, 
 
 < be defcribed But, Mr. Myrtle, to 
 
 make Ihort of my Story, by mutual En- 
 
 * dearments and a reciprocal Defire to 
 c pleafe, Mr. Carelefs and I, from that 
 ' time forward, became lovely and agree- 
 able in each others Eyes. I thought my 
 felf happy in his Company, and a Sight 
 of him never failed to fill me with the 
 c molt ravifhing Delight. He would of- 
 
 * ten difcourfe to me of Marriage, and 
 c Icng till he was of Age that he might 
 
 * have me all his own. I convers'd with 
 ' him as with the Man who was to have 
 c been my Companion for Life. I feldom 
 4 drefs'd but on the Day I expected a Vi- 
 
 * fit from him - -Thus we lived and lov- 
 
 * ed, for fome Months, till the malicious 
 
 * World talked of our Behaviour, and 
 c made Mr. Carelefs^ Father acquainted 
 
 * with our whole Proceedings. He fends 
 c for his Son. O, Mr. Myrtk! how fliall 
 
 ' i
 
 *O. The LOVER, 139 
 
 I defcribe my Concern for his Depar- 
 
 cure? I dreaded his Father's Power over 
 
 him, and trembled when IconfidereJ 
 
 that his Father, who was able to leave 
 
 him a good Fortune, might poffibly awe 
 
 him into a Negled of me. Mr. Carelefs 
 
 leaves me and London, in Obedience to 
 
 his Father's Command. As foon as he 
 
 got home, he fent me Word his Father 
 
 leverelymenac'd him,andfwore folemn- 
 
 ly he would not leave him a Groat if he 
 
 continued to love me, or entertained 
 
 the lead Thought of making me his Wife. 
 
 IN Mr. Carelefe's Abfence my Father 
 
 and Mother both die, and I furvived 
 
 them an Orphan of a very flender For- 
 
 tune ; Mr. Carelefs writes a fecond Let- 
 
 ter, wherein he lets me know, that his 
 
 Father perfifts in his Refolution, how- 
 
 ever he afTures me, that if f pleafed he 
 
 would poll to London unknown to the 
 
 old Man, and there marry me. I now 
 
 had a difficult Card to play. I reafonecl 
 
 thus; that if I took Mr. Carelefs at his 
 
 Word, I fhould thereby prove the un- 
 
 happy Fnftrument of making him guilty 
 
 of Difobedience, and, by incurrin?; his 
 
 Father's Difpleafure, pur his Fortune in 
 
 danger. 1 thought it would be no Arg-j- 
 
 merit of my ^ffeftion to involve the young 
 
 Man I pretended to love, in thefe Dan- 
 
 gers. After fome druggie my Padion 
 
 gave
 
 140 The LOVER. NI O . 
 
 gave way to Prudence, and I refolved to 
 lofe my Lover, rather than take him at 
 
 * the Expence of his Fame or Discretion. 
 
 * After I had wept heartily, I writ him a 
 Letter in the Stile of one who had never 
 
 * loved ; I told him I believed it moft ad- 
 vifable to lay afide the Thoughts of a 
 
 * Match which was attended with many 
 c Difficulties, and could not but prove a 
 
 * very difadvantageous one to him, and, 
 if his Father remained irreconcileable, to 
 
 * me too. Mr. Carelefs followed my Ad- 
 ' vice, he commended my Freedom, ceaf- 
 ed to be my Lover, but continued to be 
 
 * my Friend ever fince. 
 
 Mr. CARELESS is now at Age, 
 unmarried, has attained to a plentiful 
 ' Fortune without the Afliftance ofhisFa- 
 
 * ther : I am flill unprovided for, and con- 
 
 * fefs Mr. Carelefs is this Moment as much 
 
 * Matter of my Heart as ever. Dear Mr. 
 
 * Myrtle* be fpeedy in your Determinate 
 8 on, and fay what you think fhould be 
 
 * Mr. Carelefs 's Sentiments towards me. I 
 ' wait with impatience for to-morrow's 
 
 * P^per, which is ferioufly to determine 
 ' the Fate of your conftant Reader, 
 
 Trudence Lovefick. 
 
 IT is a very hazardous Point to deter- 
 mine a Mater attended with fuch nice 
 
 Circumftances ;
 
 Nai. The LOVER. 
 
 Circumftances ; but fuppofing the Fads are 
 honeilly dated, if the Father of Carelefs 
 has any tafte of Merit, he ought to give 
 his Confent to a Lady to whom he owes fo 
 generous a Refufal of his Son, rather than be 
 his Daughter, when it was incommodious 
 to the Circumitances of his Family ; if an 
 Acceflion of Wealth is thrown in, which 
 ought to be accounted as a Portion fent by 
 Providence to take ofFallprudentialObjefti- 
 ons that Hood between the young Lady 
 and her Happinefs, I wont fay what the 
 Son fliould do, but if the Father does his 
 Duty, it will have the fame good Effeft 
 on the Lovers. Till that is refufed, I {hall 
 not play the Cafuifl in a Cafe wherein no 
 one can err, but with a Guilt which can- 
 not but be obvious to any Man who has the 
 lead Senfe of Humanity. 
 
 N2I. Tuefday, April 13. 
 
 Nat to Comoeda eft Juv. 
 
 IN hopes that People will trouble me no 
 more with Accounts of the Crabtrees* 
 I have admitted the following Letter, 
 tho* 1 am fick of a People fo eminently 
 made the Objeds of the contrary Paflion 
 to that of Love. SIR,
 
 142 The LOVER. N'X-I. 
 
 - SIR, 
 
 c T Read in your Paper, the other Day, 
 -* c the Letter of RichardtttoLangnenti, 
 
 * concerning tne ridiculous and mifchie- 
 vous Race of theCra&trees. I mutt con- 
 
 * fefs I never thought Words better put 
 together or applied, than mifchievous 
 and ridiculous, for that unaccountable, 
 c ' lamentable, deferable, and every other 
 Word ending in able, under tolerable. 
 c You may fee, Sir, by the Hand, in 
 c which I write, that I am a Woman ;and 
 c by the Stile and Paffion, that I am an 
 ' angry Woman; at the fame time I don't 
 ' know whether I may write my felf Wo- 
 
 * man, only becaufe I am of the Age of 
 twenty nine, fmce I am flill a Maid ;but 
 c lam fure 1 fhould have been a Woman 
 ' before now, if it had not been for this 
 c difagreeable, I would fay execrable Race 
 ' of the Crahtrees. As fail, and as well 
 
 * as my Paffion will let me, 1 will give you 
 4 an Account of my Sufferings. 
 
 4 I am the Daughter of a Gentleman of 
 400 /. a Year, who has feveral other 
 c Children. Sir Anthony always giving 
 ' himfelf out for a great Friend to the 
 ' Landed I ntereft, as he calls it, has ever 
 c been in great Credit with my Father. To 
 
 * find Portions, Maintenance and Educa- 
 
 * tion for a numerous Family, my Father 
 
 4 has
 
 LOVER. 143 
 
 c has pra&ifed that natural Improvement 
 ' of a Country Gentleman's Eftate, gra- 
 
 * zing Cattle, and driving them tQ the 
 Market of London. He dealt for ^tiie 
 whole with one eminent Butcher in St; 
 c James's Market, with whom he Ac- 
 
 < compts once a Year, and takes the Pay- 
 ' ments which are made to the faid Butcher 
 
 * in Ballance of their Accounts. You mult 
 c know there is a great Lady in thatNeigh- 
 4 bourhood, eminent for her Juftice and 
 
 * Charity, who ufes Sir Anthonys her Stew- 
 ard: The Knight has got a great Eilate 
 ' by opprefling her Tenants, and terrify- 
 ing all People in her Service with his 
 
 < great Power in her. The Lady above- 
 mention'd owed my Father's Correfpon- 
 
 * dent, the Butcher, aSumof Mony which 
 was to have been my Fortune in Mar- 
 
 < riage with an agreeable young Man, the 
 
 * Son of a Neighbouring Gentleman. My 
 Father had fo great a Refped: for this La- 
 
 < dy, that he engaged himfelf to take a- 
 
 * ny Demands upon her in Payment with- 
 c out the lead Scruple. By Sir Anthony s 
 
 * Management a third part of the Lady's 
 Debt to the Butcher in is paid a Coin I ne- 
 
 * ver heard of before, called Tin Tallies. 
 
 * My Father has written to Sir Anthony ', and 
 c offered them to Zachariah his Brother, 
 
 * they being out of my Father's way to 
 4 know what to do with ; but Zachariah 
 
 < has
 
 144 The LOVER. N 21. 
 
 has told the poor Butcher, who carried 
 my Father's Letter, and written to my 
 Father, that he can't meddle with them, 
 hut has gravely advifed him to flick to 
 the Landed Intereft, and not mind Pro- 
 je3:s, for fo the half-witted impudent 
 Wretch calls receiving Mony for the 
 Product of his Land. Thus, Sir, lhave 
 Jolt a good Husband by this Trick of 
 
 * Sir Anthony ,?a\&. the whole Race of them 
 wonder why our Family Curfes them ; 
 but, Sir, it is the Nature of theCraforees 
 to be blind to the Evils they themfelves 
 
 * commu, and don't think themfelves guil- 
 ty of Milchie;s, wherein they are the 
 
 * Original Caufes, except they are the im- 
 
 * mediate Inftruments. Thefe grofs A- 
 bufes thegracelefs Crew, by bragging of 
 their Power, have committed againlt all 
 
 the World without being found out and 
 
 c throughly explained, till the Devil, who 
 
 * owed them a shame, prompted them to 
 
 * meddle with thofe that could draw their 
 
 * Pictures. 1 own'd to you, in the begin- 
 
 * ning of this Letter, that I was an angry 
 
 * Woman, and I think ' have made it out 
 ' that 1 have reafon for it. I have nothing 
 c now left to divert my poor aking Heart 
 from Reflection upon its Difappointment, 
 
 * but gratifying my Refentment againft the 
 
 * Infamous Caufe of it. When 1 reflect 
 
 * upon this Race, efpecially the Knight 
 
 < himfelf,
 
 f 
 
 he 
 
 N2*. The LOVER. 14$ 
 
 ' himfelf, I confefs my Anger is immedi- 
 ately turned into Mirth; for how is it 
 >offible that an ungainly Creature, who 
 las what he is, writ, in his Face, fhould 
 impofe upon any body? He looks fo like 
 a Cheat, that he pailes upon People who 
 do not know him from no other Advan- 
 tage in the World, but that they are a- 
 fhamed to be govern'd by fo lilly an Art 
 as Phyfiognomy. With this mifchlevous 
 Afpecl there is fomething fo awkard, fo 
 little, and briskly Comick in Sir Antho- 
 #/s Meinand Air, that one would think 
 the Contempt of his Figure might fave 
 People from the Iniquity of his De- 
 ilgns ; but Sir Anthony has the Hap- 
 pinefs next to a good Reputation* which 
 is to be infenfible of Shame, and there- 
 fore is as fmug as he is ugly. Forgive 
 me perfonal Reflections, but ugly is a 
 Woman's Word for Knavifh. I obferve, 
 Sir* you afFed putting the Sentence of 
 fome Poet, Engli/b or Latin? at the top 
 of your Paper; and as I defire you would 
 let my Letter be as remarkable as pof- 
 iible, I beg you to put thefe Words out 
 of Sir John Sucklings Play of the Sad 
 One* at the Head of this my Writing, 
 except you would put in all my Letter* 
 which I had much rather you would : 
 The place in Sir John Suckling will agree 
 well enough with the Knight; for tho* 
 L his
 
 146 The Lo V E R. N'II. 
 
 his Name \s Anthony > and Suckling hasufed 
 the Word Rob'm^ every one of this Coun- 
 try will think him meant when you do 
 but fay The Sad One, for fuch indeed he 
 is. The Paflage is thus, A Poet and an 
 Aftor are introduced difcourfmg about 
 Charafters in a Play. The Ador is tell- 
 ing the Author, that he wonders why 
 he will reprefent what cannot be in Na- 
 ture, an honeft Lawyer: Why, fays Mull-* 
 ticarni, (that is the Name of the Poet) 
 'Do ft think it imPofflble for a Lawyer to 
 be honejit The Ador anfwers, 
 
 As 'tis for a Lord-Treafarer to be foor 9 
 
 Or for a King not to be cozened : 
 
 There s little Robin, in<Debt within theft 
 
 three Tears, 
 Grown Fat and Full 
 
 As for ufing the Words Treafurer inftead 
 of Steward, there is nothing in that, for 
 Sir Anthony^ in a fnearing way calls him- 
 felf fo, and pretends he deferves that 
 Word more than any one elfe who ever 
 ferved her, tho' it's well known he has 
 difparaged her more than any one that 
 ever ferved any Body; and my Father 
 fays,fincehe has got me and the Tin Tal- 
 lies lying upon his Hands, that he will 
 fend you an Account wherein he will 
 prove,that if Ihe had given him a Year's 
 
 4 Income
 
 in. The LOVE R: 147 
 
 Income of all flie has in the World to 
 have nothing to fay to him, (he hadfaved 
 above a Year's Revenue by it. But there 
 is no dealing with him; he has got all 
 the Country to call the honeftMan, who 
 managed her Bufmefs before him, all the 
 Names that Malice could invent ; fo that 
 whenever he is difmifTed, he knows he 
 cannot be worfe ufed than the belt Men 
 have been before him. Thus Sir Antho- 
 ny thinks himfelf fecure againft Defama- 
 tion ; tirft, becaufe he deferves all the 
 111 that can be laid of him, and fecond- 
 ly, becaufe the fame thing has beenfaid 
 of thofe who deferve all thePraife which 
 Language can beftow. I have a great 
 deal more to fay of the ugly Creature, 
 but I had like to have forgot Erukduft 
 and Zachariah. You mull know they 
 have different Apartments about Sir 
 Anthony^ Houfe, to examine every one 
 who comes for Mony, or admit their Ac- 
 counts. I hefe Animals, if poffible, are 
 more hideous than Sir Anthony himfelf; 
 they are both in Town, and they are as 
 much defired in the Country as their At ri- 
 Hilalinit formerly was feared and dreaded. 
 *^"he Presbyterian Minifters, in thefe 
 * Parts, have a very.pleafant Tale of Za- 
 6 chartab, who, it ieems, was rna^e a 
 Truftee in a Donation for Minifters 
 < diflenting from the Church of England ; 
 L x the
 
 148 The LOVER. N *i- 
 
 the Defcription of Miniflers diflent- 
 ing from the Church of England, fuits 
 as well with Nonjurers as DifTenters, 
 and Zachariah being a new Convert, 
 forfooth, to the Church, has a pious Com- 
 paffion rather for thofe who were of our 
 Church, and are gone higher, than to, 
 thofe who will not come up to it, and 
 therefore, out of Scruple of Confcience, 
 cheats the DifTenters I defire you would 
 be fure to print this, becaufe it would 
 be well that the Truth were known ; for 
 fome do not fail to fay, that under the 
 Notion of its being a Gift to pious Ufes, 
 Zachariah has refer ved it for that good 
 Chriftian himfelf. When Zachariah went 
 
 r through the Town tfWorcefler but 
 
 that is a long Story 1 had like to have 
 
 forgot Brickdufl\ but what fignifies talk- 
 ing of him 1 remember a whimfical 
 
 Saying of one fpeaking of a filly Crea- 
 ture with a manly Afpedt; he called him a 
 Cole-black filly Fellow, fo 1 fay Brtckduft 
 is *foft ugly Cur, he has a Phiz fit only 
 for Acculation and Abufe ; if he defigned 
 to commend, it would have that EfTe$; 
 and it is Nonienfe for you to fet up for 
 a Lover, when you let thefe Creatures 
 go about to frighten Women with Child, 
 and bear falfe W itnefs againfl honefl Men. 
 I fear I have faid more than will come 
 within your Paper, but pray don't leave 
 any of it out, for my Lover was a very
 
 **v The LOVER. 149 
 
 pretty Fellow, and was forced to leave 
 me becaufe of thefe curfed Tallies. 
 
 / am> dear Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 very much Tour Servant ', 
 
 Sufan Matchlefs, 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 T Beg the Favour of you to acquaint the 
 * c Town, that in the moft necefTary 
 Earthen- Ware, I have, with great Pains 
 and Curiofity, wrought round the exte- 
 rior Superficies of them, the true Effi- 
 gies of Sir Anthony Crabtree, Mr. Zacha- 
 riah Crabtree, and Mv.TeterBrickduft. 
 They will be fold at all Potter's Shops 
 within London and Weftminfter on the 
 i9th Inftant, and Country Cuftomers 
 may have them at a cheaper Rate. 
 
 Rubens Claywright* 
 
 N22. Thursday) April 15. 
 
 Secretum iter Hor, 
 
 T 
 
 HE Bufmefs of Love alters in eve- 
 
 ry Family in England^ and I muft 
 
 confefs i did not fuffieiently weigh 
 
 L 3 the
 
 iso The LOVER. N "- 
 
 the great Perplexity that I mould fall into, 
 from the vafl Variety of Cafes, when I 
 undertook my prefent Province The Au- 
 thor of the following Letters is in very 
 whimfical Circumftances, which will be 
 belt reprefented by his Epiitles. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 C A S I am about thirty, and of fuch a 
 * * round untroubled Countenance as 
 may make me appear not fo much, I 
 mult complain to you of a general Cala- 
 mity that obilrucls or fufpends the Ad- 
 vancement of the younger Men in the 
 Purfuit of their Fortune. I now make 
 Love to the Daughter of a Man of Bufi- 
 nefs, who is fo fantaitical as to threaten 
 to Marry the young Lady to a Contem- 
 porary of his own, I mean one of his own 
 Years. He fays no young Man can be 
 good for any thing but filling an Houfe 
 full of Children, without being Wife e- 
 nough to know how to provide for them. 
 Now as I am to fucceed in Love, as I 
 can argue my Father-in-Law into an O- 
 pinion of my Ability for Bufinefs, give 
 me leave to think it not Foreign to your 
 Defign, to Print my Thoughts concern- 
 ing the Prejudices which Men in one 
 Stage of Life have to thofe in another. 
 The utmoft Inconveniencies are owing 
 
 * to
 
 LOVER. 151 
 
 to the Difficulty we meet with in being 
 admitted into the Society of Men in 
 Years, and adding thereby the early 
 Knowledge of Men and Buimefs to that 
 of Books, for the reciprocal Improve^ 
 ment of each other. One of Fifty as na- 
 turally imagines the fame Infufficiency 
 in one of Thirty, as he of Thirty does 
 in one of Fifteen, and each Age is thus 
 left to inilrucl it felf by the natural Courfe 
 of its own Refle&ion and Experience. I 
 am apt to think, that before Thirty a 
 Man's natural and acquired Parts are at 
 that Strength, as, with a little Experi- 
 ence, to enable him, (ifever^he can be 
 enabled) to acquit himfelf well in any 
 Bufinefs or Converfation he fhall be ad- 
 mitted into. As to the Objection, that 
 thofe that have not been ufed toBufmefs 
 are confequently unfit for it, it might 
 have been made one time or other a- 
 gainft all Men that ever were born ; and 
 is fo general a one, that it is none at all. 
 Befides, he that knew Men the beft that 
 ever any one did, fays that Wifdom com- 
 eth by Opportunity of Lei fur c* and he that 
 hath little Bufinefsjh all become Wife ; and 
 my Lord ^^^obferves, that thofe Go- 
 vernments have been always the moft 
 happy, which have been adminiftred by 
 fuch as have fpent part of their Life 
 in Books and Leifure, and inftances in 
 L 4 < the,
 
 152 
 
 the Governments of Tins Qiiintus and 
 Sixtus Quintus about his own time; who 
 tho> they were efleemed but Pedantical 
 Friars., proceeded upon truer Principles 
 of State, than thofe who had had their 
 Education in Affairs of State, andCourts 
 of Princes. If this Rule holds in the dif- 
 patch of the mofl perplex'd Matters, as 
 of Publick Politicks, it mud of neceffi- 
 ty in that of the common Divifions of 
 Bufinefs, which every body knows are 
 directed by Form, and require rather 
 Diligence and Honefty, than great Abi- 
 lity in the Execution. 
 A good Judgment will not only fup- 
 ply, but go beyond Experience; for 
 the latter is only a Knowledge that di- 
 reds us in the Difpatch of Matters fu- 
 ture, from the Confideration of Mat- 
 ters paft of the fame Nature ; but the 
 former is a perpetual and equal Directi- 
 on in every thing that can happen, and 
 does not follow, but makes the Pre- 
 cedent that guides the other. 
 THIS Everlafting Prejudice of the 
 Old againfl the Young, heightens the 
 natural Difpofitioh of Youth toPleafure, 
 when they find themfelves adjudged in- 
 capable of Bufinefs. Thofe among 'em 
 therefore whofe Circumstances and Way 
 of Thinking will allow 'em fuch Free- 
 dom, plunge themfelves in all fenfual 
 
 * Gratifi-
 
 Na>: The LOVER. 153 
 
 < Gratifications. Others of em, of a more 
 regulated Turn of Thought, feek the 
 
 < Entertainment of Books andConteropla- 
 e tion, and are buried in thefe Pleafures. 
 f Thefe Purfuits, during our middle Age, 
 
 < ftrengthen the Love of Retirement m 
 
 < the bober Man, and make it neceflary 
 
 * to the Libertine. They gain Philofo- 
 phy enough by this time to be convinced 
 'tis their Intereft to have as little Ambi- 
 
 * tion as may be, and confidering rather 
 how much lefs they need to live happily, 
 4 than how much more, can't conceive 
 4 why they fhould trouble themfelves a- 
 e bout the raifing a Fortune, which in the 
 c Purfuit mud leffen their prefent Enjoy- 
 c ment, and in the Purchafe cannot en- 
 
 * large it. 
 
 ' I confefs the impious and impertinent 
 way of Life and Converfation of Youth 
 in general, expofes them to the juftDif- 
 4 efleem of their Elders ; but where thecon- 
 
 * trary is found among any of them, it fhould 
 
 < be the more particular Recommendation 
 c to their Patronage. There are fome Ob- 
 c fervations, I have by Chance met with, 
 c fo much in Favour of young Men, that 
 
 * I cannot fupprefs them. As Sincerity is 
 
 * the chief Recommendation both in pub- 
 lick and private Matters, it is obferved, 
 e that the Young are more fincere in the
 
 154 The LOVER. Nn. 
 
 c difpatch of Bufinefs, and Profeffions of 
 Friendship, than thofe that are more ad- 
 
 * vancM in Years : For they either prefer 
 
 * publick Reputation to private Advan- 
 c tage, or believe it the only way to it. 
 c They are generally well-natur'd, ashav- 
 
 * ing not been acquainted with much Ma- 
 
 * lice, or fower'd with Difappointment. 
 < TVe lefs difpofed to Pride or Avarice, 
 c as they have neither wanted or abound- 
 ' ed. They are unpradis'd in the ways 
 
 * of Flattery and Diflimulation, and think 
 
 * others praftife it as little as themfelves. 
 c This arifes from their Boldnefs, as hav- 
 c ing not been yet humbled by the Chances 
 
 * of Life, and their Credulity, as having 
 
 * not yet been often deceiv'd. 
 
 ' I (hall conclude by faying, 'tis very 
 hard upon us young Fellows, that we 
 
 * are not to be trufted in Bufinefs and Con- 
 
 * verfation with thofe in Years, till due 
 
 * Age, together with its Confequences, 
 ' ill Health and ill Humour, have mark'd 
 
 * us with a faded Cheek, a hollow Eye, 
 
 * a bufie ruminating Forehead, and infliort 
 
 * rendered us lefs capable of ferving and 
 ' pleafmg them, than we were when we 
 4 were thought unable to do either. I 
 4 beg your Pardon for fo many ferious 
 
 * Reflections, and your leave to add to 
 
 * them a Love-Letter to the Father, en- 
 
 ' clofed
 
 im The LOVER, 155 
 
 clofed in one to the Daughter, and ad- 
 drefled to her for hisPerufal. 
 
 lam, SIR, 
 
 Tour moft Humble Servant. 
 
 Madam, 
 
 \yf Y Life is wrapped up in you. I dif- 
 ivl < relifh every Converfation, where- 
 in there is not fome mention made of 
 you; whenever you are named, I hear 
 you commended, and that gives Eafe to 
 the Torment 1 am in, while 1 am forced 
 to fmother the Warmth of my Aflfeftion 
 towards you. You know your Father is 
 not difpleafed that I Love you ; but I 
 am, I know not how, to prefer your In- 
 terefts to yourfelf. But all the Buflnefs 
 of the World is Impertinence, and all 
 its Riches Vexation, in comparifon of 
 the Joy there is in being underftood, 
 
 Madam, 
 
 Tour moft Faithful, 
 
 Moft Devoted, Humble Servant, 
 
 ' P. S. When your Father asks whether 
 
 * 7 have writ, hide this, and/how him the 
 c enclofed. Look difpleafed, and he will 
 
 * f lead for me.
 
 156 The LOVEIU N 23. 
 
 Madam, 
 
 Q T Have a great Refpeft for you, but mull 
 ' -1 beg you would not take it amifs, if 
 1 can reckon no Woman a Beauty whofe 
 Father's Favour does not add to her o- 
 ther Qualifications. He is as I am, a Man 
 of Bufmefs, and 1 doubt not but he will 
 acquaint you, that Bufmefs is to be mind- 
 ed; your Declaration, joined with his 
 in my Favour, will make me more fre- 
 quent at your Houfe, but till I know what 
 1 have to truft to, I do not think it is 
 proper for me to intrude upon your Time 
 and lofe my own. 
 
 1 am, Madam, 
 
 Tour moft humble Servant. 
 
 N23. Saturday, April 17. 
 
 6)uod latet Arcanh non enarrabile fbrd. Perf. 
 
 Mr. MYRT LE, 
 
 X TT THEN you firft ereded your 
 
 Y v * Lodge, you then took upon 
 
 ' you to be a Patron of Lo- 
 
 vers, and at the fame time promifed your 
 
 * Affift*
 
 LOVER. 157 
 
 Afliftance to alltbofe whofhou'daddrefs 
 themfelves to you for Advice, the bet- 
 ter to conduft them thro' all th* fe Paths 
 of Love, which it is to be prefumed, 
 you have often trod before them. 
 4 IT is this Confideration which em- 
 boldens me to give you the trouble of this, 
 without offering at any formal Apology 
 for it. It is a mighty Plealure and a fo- 
 lid Satisfaction to a Man, to reflect that 
 he has it in his Power to be ferviceable 
 to others; and iince ; am confident of 
 your Ability, if you deny me the Bene- 
 fit of it, I fhall grudge you the Poffeflion 
 of fuch an Advantage, and value 
 you no more, tho 1 a Mailer in the Art of 
 Love, than I would a Mifer for his 
 Wealth, when he poorly referves it to 
 himfelf, and can't find in his Soul to be- 
 ftow the lead pare of it on the mod nee- 
 dy and indigent, 
 
 'THAT youmay.be the better able 
 to prefcribe, I (hall beg leave to lay my 
 real Condition before you without Art 
 or Diffimulation. I arn, in plain Terms, 
 what you call a Rover, or a general Lo- 
 er. I am of the mod perverfe, untow- 
 ard, amorous Conftitution imaginable; 
 I have fcarcely ever feen that Female 
 who had not fome Charm or other to 
 catch my Heart with ; and 1 dare fay I 
 have been a Slave to more Miftreffes than 
 
 - fwell
 
 I5S The LOVER. 
 
 fwell the Account of Covuley's Ballad 
 
 * called ; fhe Chronicle. I have frequently 
 been loft in Tranfports at the bight of a 
 
 * Chloe or a Sackarijfa, arid have admired 
 
 * many an ugly Corinna for Wit or Hu- 
 
 * mour. Myra has charmed me ten thou- 
 
 * fand times with her Singing, and my 
 
 * Heart has leap'd for Joy when Mifs Aiery 
 
 * has been dancing a Jig, or IfabelU has 
 
 * moved aMinuet. It has burnt and crackled 
 4 like Charcoal at the flurt of a Fan, and 
 c I have fometimes fallen a Sacrifice to an 
 
 * hoop'd Petticoat. In fhort, there is fcarce 
 < a Woman, I ever laid my Eyes on, that 
 I have not liked and loved, admired and 
 wifh'd for; The Pretty, the Wife, the 
 c Witty, the Gay, the Prude and theCo- 
 ' quet,all,a11 from the fine Lady down to 
 c the dextrous Molly who waits with the 
 Kettle at my Sifter's Tea-Table, have 
 
 * made Scars or Wounds .in my Heart. 
 
 And yet after all this which is fome- 
 
 'what ilrange - My Heart is as whole 
 
 as ever. What I mean is this; that 
 
 notwithftanding the Multiplicity of Darts 
 
 * which have been fhot at me, yet they 
 ' never made any lafting Impreffion on me, 
 or have been able to throw me into an 
 4 Humour ferious enough to think of Mar- 
 ' riage. Tho' I confefs the Temper, I am 
 now complaining of, has been ex:eeding 
 troublefome to me, yet I could not help 
 
 think-
 
 '3. 7 he LOVER. 159 
 
 thinking Matrimony a Cure worfe than 
 the Difeafe. Befide, how lhall I be cer- 
 tain I fhan't be the fame Latitudinarian 
 in Love after I havefwallowed the bitter 
 Dofe? It is for this Reafon that 1 have 
 long ufed my Endeavours to find out 
 fome other Remedy for my Diftemper; 
 and to that End I have had Recourfe to 
 all thofe famous Phyficians who have pre- 
 tended to write for the Good of thofe 
 Perfons who have been in my whimfical 
 
 Circumftances But, alas! after along 
 
 and tedious Confultation, among thefe 
 mighty ProfefTors, I could not perceive 
 my felf one Jot the better. lam convinced 
 they are all a Parcel of Pretenders,, and 
 that I had no more Reafun to expect any 
 Benefit. from them, than one afflided 
 with the Gout has to hope for an infalli- 
 ble Cure from your boafting fham Doft- 
 ors who difperfe their Bills and Adver- 
 tifemems thro' every Street in London. 
 THE firftladdrefs'd my felf to, was 
 that Galenic Love, Ovid. The Fellow 
 had a fmooth Tongue, and' really talked 
 very prettily. He ihew'd me a great 
 many foft Letters of his own compo- 
 fmg,told me fome odd furprifing Stones, 
 made me figh at his mournful Elegies, 
 and promifed me, that if I wou'd care- 
 fully obferve his Rules, and follow thofe 
 Directions laid down in his Philo-difpen- 
 
 * fatory,
 
 160 The LOVER. N 6 tj; 
 
 fatory, or Arte amandi,\ need not doubt 
 but my Bufmefs was done. He deliver- 
 ed this with fo ferious an Air, that filly 
 I began to believe him, and gather hopes 
 of a perfect Recovery; till one Day, 
 when I was giving great Attention to 
 him, I heard him break off in the midll 
 ' of his Harangue, and immediately cry out 
 
 * in the Exclamatory Stile 
 
 ffei mihi ! quod nullis amor eft medicabilis herbis. 
 
 * From that very Moment I thought him 
 c an ignorant Coxcomb, and never med- 
 c died with him fmce. 
 
 'THE next I ventured upon was good 
 c Abraham Cowley, he was looked upon 
 
 < as a Proficient in his way, and was ve- 
 ' ry much in Vogue among the Ladies, 
 c for gently handling their Hearts, and 
 e eafily getting at their Paflions. His great- 
 c e(t Bufmefs lay among fuch as had but 
 
 * newlv received their Wounds, andfome 
 ' expecled great Refrefhment from his 
 c balmy Compofitions; but it has been faid 
 
 * by others, that he was the word in the 
 
 < World at a green Wound, and thatwho- 
 e ever took him in hand when they were 
 ' firil hurt, they rather grew worfe than 
 
 * better. However, I was refolved toun- 
 c dergo one Courfe with him ; I was in- 
 
 * troduced into his Company by a young 
 
 < Coufm
 
 *i3. The LOVER. 161 
 
 Coufin of mine, who was at that time ei- 
 ther in Love, or the Green-Sicknefs, and 
 in a little time I was intimately ao 
 quainted with his Miflrefs. I was, I re- 
 member, mightily pleafed to hear him 
 tax the Ladies, and juilifie his own 
 Ficklenefs, by asking them, Cou'd 
 they call the Shore Inconftant, which 
 kindly embraced every Wave? Ah, 
 think 1 ! This is a Dodor after my own 
 
 Heart his Cafe is exactly mine 
 
 But alas! I had not kept him Company 
 long, before I difcovered, that for all 
 his bkill in Numbers, he was but an Ig- 
 norant Phyfician, fince he cou'd not Cure 
 himfelf. The third I went to was Mrs. 
 Bchn. She indeed, 1 thought, underftood 
 the Pradick Part of Love better than 
 the Speculative; but (he was a dangerous 
 Quack, for a fight of her always made 
 my Diitemper return upon me. I liked 
 fome parts of her Lovers Watch? and 
 wou'd have bought it from her : She told 
 me me would hire the ufe out to me for 
 a little time, but that fhe wou'd not fell 
 it outright. 
 
 ' THE lad I advifedwith was the mod 
 renown'd Ifaac Bickerftaff, fcfq; He was 
 a Perfon of great Note and Fafhion : Had 
 very good Practice in this City for fome 
 Years : He had acquired a large Stock 
 M * of
 
 162 The LOVER. N *3-' 
 
 of Fame and Reputation for his Experi- 
 4 ence in the World, his Acquaintance 
 4 with all the little WeaknefTes and Infir- 
 
 * mities incident to Human kind, and was 
 
 * more particularly had in Efteem for his 
 4 Knowledge and Proficiency in the Oc- 
 4 cult Sciences. From a Gentleman thus 
 
 * qualified, what might I not have hoped 
 for? But, Sir, I foon underftood that all 
 
 * his Predictions and Prophefies were but 
 4 Dreams and Fables to amufe and divert 
 4 us, and that he underflood himfelf very 
 4 well, when he called himfelf Tatler. 
 
 < AND now, Sir, after all thefe fruit- 
 s lefs and repeated Enquiries, my lafl and 
 
 * only Refuge is in you. You are certain- 
 4 ly acquainted with all the Secret Springs 
 
 * of Love, and know the hidden Caufes 
 
 * which make my Heart rife up to every 
 
 * She I meet. You can't be ignorant how 
 4 it comes to pafs, that my Temper is fo 
 
 * various; and my Inclinations fo floating 
 ( and changeable, that one Objeft can't 
 c confine them, but like a wandring Bee 
 ' they fly at every Flower. I aflure you, 
 4 Mr. Myrtle, my prefent Difpofition is 
 
 * what gives me great Concern and Unea- 
 
 * finefs. Tell me how I may reclaim this 
 c Volatile Heart of mine, this defultory 
 
 * Imagination, and keepit within bounds: 
 ' Show me the way to fix it to one, or not 
 4 Love at all, I am not uneafie for your 
 
 4 Anfwer,
 
 NM. The L O VER. 163 
 
 Anfwer, for I muft own to you I feel but 
 * very little Pain; but in fome Diflempers 
 c they fay that is an ill Sign. 
 
 lam, SIR, 
 
 Tour moft Humble Servant, 
 Charles Lafie. 
 
 MY Correfpondent is come already to 
 the Condition he defires; for what is not 
 confined to one, is not Love at all; and 
 my Friend Charles needs not further In- 
 formation in his Cafe, but to be told, that 
 he does not labour under the Paffion of 
 Love, but the Vice of Wantonnefs. 
 
 N 9 24. Tuefday, April 2O. 
 
 There dwelt the Scorn of Vice^ and Pity tvo. 
 
 Waller. 
 
 TRUE Virtue diflinguilhes it felf by 
 nothing more confpicuoufly than 
 Chanty towards thofe who are fo 
 unhappy as to have, or be thought to have, 
 taken a contrary Courfe ; it is in the very 
 M x Na-
 
 The LOVER. N<>1 1- 
 
 Nature of Virtue to rejoice in all new Con- 
 verts towards its Interefts, and bewail 
 the Lofs of the moft inconfiderable Vo- 
 taries. It would perhaps be thought a 
 Severity to make Conclufions of the innate 
 Goodnefs of Ladies at aVifit,by this Rule; 
 Beauty, Wit and Virtue, in thofe Conver- 
 fations, generally receive all the Diminu- 
 tion imaginable; and little Faults, Imper- 
 feftions and Misfortunes, are aggravated 
 not without Bitrernefs. 
 
 'DICTTNNJ, tho' (he is commend- 
 ed for fingular Prudence and Oeconomy, 
 appears in Converfation never to have 
 known what it is to be careful. 
 
 ^DEClAi who has no Virtue, or any 
 thing like it but the forbearance of Vice, 
 cannot endure the Applaufe of 'Diflynna. 
 Ladies who are impatient of what is faid 
 to the Advantage of others, do not confi- 
 der that they lay themfelves open to all 
 People of Discernment, who know that it 
 is the want of good Qualities in themfelves 
 which makes People impatient of the Ac- 
 knowledgment of them in others. 
 
 AMONG the many Advantages which 
 one Sex has over the other, there is none 
 fo confpicuous, as, that the Fame of Men 
 grows rather more jufl and certain by Ex- 
 amination ; that of Women is almoft irre- 
 parably loft by fo much as a difadvantage- 
 ous Rumour. This Cafe is fo tender, that 
 
 in
 
 LOVER. 165 
 
 in order to the redrefsof it, it is morefafe 
 to try to dilTuade the Afperfers from their 
 Iniquity, than exhort the Innocent tofuch 
 a Fortitude as to neglect their Calumny. 
 
 IT ihould, methinks, be a Rule tofuf- 
 peft every one who infmuates any thing 
 againft the Reputation of another, of the 
 Vice with which they charge their Neigh- 
 bour ; for it is very unlikely it ihould flow 
 from the Love of Virtue: The Refent- 
 ment of the Virtuous towards thofe who 
 are fallen, is that of Pity, and that is bed 
 exerted in Silence on the occafion. What 
 then can be faid to the numerous Tales 
 that pafs to and fro in this Town, to the 
 Dtfparagement of thofe who have never 
 offended their Accufers? As for my part, 
 I always wait with Patience, and never 
 doupt of Hearing in a little time for a 
 Truth, the fame Guilt of any Woman 
 which I find fhe reports of another. It is, 
 as I faid, unnatural itfhould be otherwife; 
 the Calumny ufually flows from an Impa- 
 tience of living under Severity, and they 
 report the Sallies of others againft the time 
 of their own Efcape. How many Wp~ 
 men would be Speechlefs, if their Ac- 
 quaintance were without Faults. There 
 is a great Beauty in Town very far gone 
 in this Vice. 1 have taken the Liberty to 
 write her the folio win^Epiille by the Pen- 
 ny-Port. 
 
 M 3 Madam -,
 
 166 The LOVER. N M- 
 
 Ma dam y 
 
 c T Have frequently had the Honour of 
 * c being in your Company, and fhould 
 have had a great deal of delight in it, had 
 you not pleafed to imbitter that Happi- 
 nefs by the unmerciful Treatment you 
 give all the reft of your Sex. Several of 
 thofel have heard youufe unkindly were 
 my particular Friends and Acquaintance. 
 I can allure you, all the Advantage you 
 had above thofe you leflened on ttiefe 
 Occafions, was, that you were not ab- 
 fent, for the Company longed for the 
 fame Opportunity of fpeaking as freely 
 of you. Believe me, your own Drefs 
 fits never the better on you, for tearing 
 other People's Cloaths. While you are 
 rifling every one that falls in your way, 
 you cannot imagine how much that Fu- 
 ry difcompofes your own Figure. You 
 believe you carried all before you the 
 Jail time I had the Happinefs to be where 
 you were. As foon as your Coufin 
 (whom you are too inadvertent to ob- 
 ferve does not want Senfc) had menti- 
 oned an agreeable young Lady which 
 fhe met at a Vifit in Soho Square, you 
 immediately contradicted her, and told 
 her you had feen the Lady, and were 
 fo unhappy that you could not obferve 
 thofe Charms in her. Her Name, fays 
 
 your
 
 x4: The LOVER. 167 
 
 your Coufin, is Mrs.'Dtt/cett : The fame, 
 faid you. Your Coufm replied, She is 
 Tall and Graceful ; you again with a 
 fcornful Smile, She is Long and Confi- 
 dent: But, fays your Kinfwoman, lean- 
 not but think her Eye has a fine Lan- 
 guor ; I don't know but (he might, faid 
 you, if one could fee her awake, but 
 that Sleepinefs and Infenfibility in them 
 added to her Ungaiolinefs, makes me 
 doubt whether I ever faw her, but as 
 walking in her Sleep. Well, but her 
 Understanding has fomething in it very 
 lively and diverting; Ay, fays you, they 
 that will Talk all, or have Memories, 
 cannot but utter fomething no wand then 
 that is pafTable. Your Coufin feem'd at 
 a lofs what to fay in fupport of one flie 
 had pronounced fo agreeable, and there- 
 fore Hie retired to the Lady's Circum- 
 flances (fmce you had difallowed every 
 thing in her Perfon) and faid, her For- 
 tune would make up for all, for me had 
 now ten thoufand Pounds, and would, 
 if her Brother died, have almoft two 
 thoufand a Year. This too you knew 
 the contrary of, and gave us to under- 
 fland the utmoftof her Fortune was four 
 Thoufand, and the Brother's Eftate had 
 a very heavy Mortgage, and when clear- 
 ed would not be a neat Thoufand a Year. 
 Your Coufin, when you took fo much 
 M ' Pains
 
 168 The LOVER. NO M- 
 
 Pains to contradict her Mifreprefentati- 
 ons, grew grave with you, and told you, 
 Since you were fo Pofitive, you were 
 the only one in Town who did not think 
 Mrs. ^Dulcetty befides her being a con- 
 fiderable Fortune, a Woman of Wit, 
 that danced gracefully, fang charmingly, 
 has the beft Mein, the prettieil way in 
 every thing fhe did, that ihe had the 
 leaft Affectation, the moil Merit, was 
 
 Upon which you, with the utmaft 
 
 impatience , after ruffling your Fan, and 
 riggling in your Seat, as if you had heard 
 your Mother abufed, rofe up, and de- 
 claring you did not expeft to be allowed 
 one Word more in the Converfation, 
 fmce your Coufm had once got theDif- 
 courfe, left the Room. Your Coufin 
 held the Lady of the Houfe from follow- 
 ing you out, and, inftead of the Anger 
 we thought her in when you were in 
 the Room, fell into the moft violent 
 Laughter. When fhe came to her felf, 
 fhe prevented what we were going to 
 fay on the Occafion, by telling us, there 
 was no fuch Creature in nature as Mrs. 
 'Dulcett, that fhe had hid this Plot a- 
 gainft you for fome Days, and was re- 
 folved to expofe you for that fcandalous 
 Humour of yours, of allowing no Body 
 to have any tolerable ,ood Qualities but 
 your felf: You fee, faid fhe, how fud- 
 
 denly
 
 The LOVE R. 169 
 
 denly flie made Objections, from the fort 
 of Character I gave the Woman, aflign- 
 ing the proper Imperfection to the Qua- 
 lity in her according to my Comroenda- 
 tion. I think we fa id all together, What, 
 no fuch Woman in the World? What, 
 faid the Lady of the Houfe, fhe to befo 
 particular in the Eftate mortgaged, and 
 all thofe Diflikes to one fhe never faw, 
 to one not in being, to one you had in- 
 vented! You may eafily imagine what 
 Raillery pafled on the Occafion, and 
 how you were ufed after fuch a Demon- 
 flration of your Cenforioufnefs. 
 ' I deflre whenever hereafter you have 
 the evil Spirit upon you to leflen any 
 Body you hear commended, to think of 
 Mrs. *Dukett : If you do not, you may 
 aflure your felf, you will be told of her; 
 among your Acquaintance, whenever 
 any one is fpoken ill of, Mrs. *Dulcett 
 is the Word, and no one minds what 
 you fay after you have been thus deteft- 
 ed. I advife you to go out of Town this 
 Seafon, go into a Milk Diet, and when 
 you return with Country Innocence in 
 your Blood, I will do Judtce to your 
 good Humour, and am, 
 
 Ma dam ) 
 
 Tour tnofl Obedient l , Humble Servant, 
 
 Marmaduke Myrtle.
 
 I7O The LOVER. N' 2 *- 
 
 THE painful manner Women ufually re- 
 ceive favourable Accounts of one another, 
 fliows that the Ill-nature in which this 
 young Woman was detected, is not an un- 
 common Infirmity. But let every Woman 
 know, flie cannot add to her felf what 
 Ihe takes from another; but all that flie 
 beftows upon another, will, by thedifcern- 
 ing World, be reftored ten-fold ; and there 
 can be no better Rule or Defcription of a 
 right Difpofition than this, 
 
 There dwelt the Scorn ofVlce^andTttytoo. 
 
 The Scorn of it, in Virtuous Perfons, is 
 in refpecl: to themfelves, the Pity in regard 
 to others. 
 
 N 2$ . Thurfday, April 22. 
 
 )uid non mortatia fettora cogis Virg. 
 
 To Mr. MYRTLE. 
 SIR, 
 
 ISuppofe that you begin to repent 
 you Publiftied my laft Letter to 
 you, fince your late Indulgence to 
 me occasions this frequent Trouble; I don't 
 know, Sir, what it may be to you, but I 
 
 am
 
 NI;. <ihe LOVER. 171 
 
 am fure it is real Pleafure to me to em- 
 brace all Opportunities of (hewing my felf 
 your humble Servant; therefore give me 
 leave to talk before fo great a Matter of 
 Love, and to ufe the Trite Simile of mak- 
 ing a Declaration of War before Hanni- 
 bal. 
 
 C A MONG allthofePaffions,to which 
 
 f"^- * the frailty and weaknefs of Man 
 
 c fubjed him, there is not any that extends 
 
 * fuch a boundlefs and defpotick Empire 
 over the whole Species, as that of Love. 
 
 < The Meek, the Mild, and the Humble 
 
 * are Strangers to Envy, Anger, and Am- 
 
 * bition; but neither the Malicious, the 
 Cholerick, or the Proud can fay their 
 
 < Hearts have been always free from the 
 
 * Power of Love. This has fubdued the 
 ' exalted Minds of the mod afpi ing Ty- 
 6 rants, and has melted the moft Sanguine 
 c Complexion into an effeminate Softnefs. 
 c An undaunted Hero has been known to 
 c tremble when he approached the Fair, 
 and the mighty Hercules\z\. fall his Club 
 at a Woman's Feet. The Scholar, the 
 Statefman, and the Soldier have all been 
 
 * Lovers, and the mod ignorant Swain has 
 6 negleded both his Flocks and Pipe to 
 ' woe *Dafhne or Sylvia. 
 
 < BUT tho' Love be a Paffion which 
 
 * is thus common to all, yet how widely 
 
 < do
 
 172 The LOVER. N 2f . 
 
 1 do its Votaries differ in their manner of 
 < Addrefs? The pleafing Enjoyment of the 
 
 5 admired Object is what they all purfue, 
 1 and yet few agree in the fame Methods 
 
 6 of obtaining their Ends, or accomplifli- 
 c ing their Defires. Every Lover has his 
 c particular Whim, and each refolves to 
 c follow his own way. Some fancy Mo- 
 1 ny has a Sovereign Charm in it, and that 
 ; no Rhetorick is To irrefiftibly prevailing 
 c as a Golden Shower. Others think to 
 c take their MiflreiTes as they do Towns, 
 c by Bombarding or Undermining them; 
 c if they can't beat them down by force of 
 c Arms, they'll try to blow them up with 
 c falle Mufick Some attempt to frighten 
 
 E their Miitrefles into a Compliance, and 
 : threaten to hang or drown themfelves, if 
 c they refufe to pity them. Others turn 
 c Tragedians, and expeft to move Com- 
 c paffion by a falling Tear, or a rifing 
 : Sigh. Some depend upon Drefs, and 
 : conclude that if they can catch the Eye, 
 1 they'll foon feize the Heart. One Man 
 : affe^s Gravity, and another Levity, be- 
 : caufe fome Women prefer the Solemni- 
 ; ty of a SpaniardtQ the Gayety of a French- 
 man. An handfom Leg has found the 
 way to a Widow's Bed, and a Coquette 
 has been won by a Song or a Caper. A 
 Prude may be caught by a precife Look 
 and a demure Behaviour, and a Plato- 
 
 nick
 
 *f- The LOVE R: 173 
 
 nick Lady has lain with her humble Ser- 
 vant out of a refin'd Friendlhip, -when 
 Ihe would not liflen to a Declaration of 
 Love. Some will be attacked in Mood 
 and Figure; and others will have it, that 
 a great Scholar will never make a kind 
 Husband. The witty Clara is delight- 
 ed with Impertinence, and a celebrated 
 Toafl has languilhed for the beautiful 
 Outfide of a painted Butterfly. Some 
 Women are allured by the refemblance 
 of their own Follies; and I have feen a 
 Rake, by the help of a whining Accent, 
 triumph over a fanftified Quaker. 
 But of all the Arts which have been 
 praftifed by the Men on the other Sex, 
 I have not obferved any kind of Addrefs 
 which has been fo generally fuccefsful as 
 Flattery. Whether it be, that by mak- 
 ing a Woman in Love with her felf, you 
 thereby engage her to love the Perfon 
 who makes her fo ; as who would not 
 be apt to be fond of the Caufe which pro- 
 duces fo agreeable an Effect? Or whe- 
 ther the Partiality and Self- Love, which 
 mofl Women abound in, does the more 
 readily induce them to believe, that all 
 the Praife which is given them is really 
 due to their Merit, and therefore they 
 admire you for your Juftice. Or what- 
 ever other Reafon may poflibly be af- 
 figned for this Weaknefs, I (hall not now 
 
 ' go
 
 174 TV LOVER. N 2 5-- 
 
 go about to enquire; but fo it is, that 
 the fliortell and fureft way to a Woman's 
 Heart is thro' the Road of skilful Flat- 
 tery. This like a fubtle Poyfon infinu- 
 ates it felfalmoft into every Female, and 
 a Dofe of it rightly prepared feldom fails 
 to produce an extraordinary Operation. 
 Like a delicious Cordial it meets with 
 an univerfal Acceptance and Approbati- 
 on, while Sincerity and Plain-dealing 
 are looked upon as naufeous and difguft- 
 ful Phyfick. In Oppofition to what I 
 here advance, it may perhaps be faid, 
 we may 'love the Treafon, and yet hate 
 the Traitor. How true this Maxim may 
 be in Politicks (Treachery being a Moral 
 Evil, which, tho' of Ufe to us for our 
 Safety, is yet fufficient to beget an Aver- 
 fion in us towards the Wretch who is 
 guilty of it) I ihan't difpute ; but I am 
 lure in Love Affairs it will fcarcely hold. 
 For Ihe muft be a Woman of uncommon 
 Virtues and Qualifications, who can fo 
 nicely diftinguifh between the Gift and 
 the Giver, as to refufe the one, and yet 
 receive the other. They do not think 
 Flattery a Vice, and therefore can't be 
 perfuaded to diilike a Lover for being 
 a Courtier; nay, tho' they are confcious 
 of fome of their own Imperfections, yet 
 if their Admirers are not quick-fighted 
 enough to difcern them, they are willing 
 
 to
 
 !?. The LOVER. 175 
 
 to impute their Blindnefs to their Love; 
 nay, tho' fome Defects aregroffly vifible 
 even to the Lover, yet if he will com- 
 pliment his Miftrefs with what (he really 
 wants, I dare appeal to the whole Sex, 
 whether either fuch Incenfe or the 
 Offerer of it be one Jot nearer the 
 lofmg their Favour, and whether they 
 are not ever delighted with both the 
 Delufion and the Deceiver. But if they 
 really believe themfelves as amiable as 
 the Flatterer tells them they are, then, 
 in point of Gratitude, they conclude 
 themfelves obliged to think kindly of 
 their Benefactor; that he is one, none 
 can deny, fmce the greateflKindnefsyou 
 can confer on a Miftrefs are Praife and 
 Commendation. Thefe are thofe melt- 
 ing Sounds, that foft Mufick which never 
 founds harihly in a Woman's Ear. Be- 
 fore I conclude this Paper, I (hall relate 
 a Story which I know to be Faft. 
 < MISS Wttwoud was a young Gen- 
 tlewoman of good Extraction and an 
 handfome Fortune. She was exactly 
 fhaped and very pretty: She drefs'd and 
 danc'd genteely, and fungfweetly: But 
 notwithftanding thefe Advantages, 
 (which one wou'd imagine werefuffici- 
 ent to make any one Woman fatisfied) 
 flie had an infufferable Itch after the Re- 
 putation of a Wit, She fancied fhe had 
 
 as
 
 176 The LOVER. N i^ 
 
 * as much Wit as flie wanted (tho' indeed 
 
 * ihe wanted more than ever fhe'll have) 
 
 * and this Conceit made her fond of fcrib- 
 
 * Jing and (hewing her Follies that way, 
 
 * as taking great Delight in Applaufe. 
 
 MY b'rieudMeanwell is a Gentleman 
 of good Senfe and a found Judgment, 
 he is a profeflfed Enemy to Flattery, and 
 is of Opinion, that to commend with- 
 out jull Grounds, is to rob the Merito- 
 rious of that which only of Right be- 
 longs to them. He fays a Compliment: 
 is a modiih Lie, and declares he wou'd 
 not be guilty of fo much Bafenefs as 
 to cry up a beautiful Fool for Wir, not 
 even in her own hearing, tho' he were 
 fure to have his Falfhood rewarded by 
 the Enjoyment of his Midrefs. Unde- 
 ferved Applaufe is to him an Argument 
 of either want of Judgment or of Infm- 
 cerity, and he refolves he will never go 
 about to ellabliih another's Reputation 
 at the Expence of his own. With thefe 
 honeft ufelefs Qualities he has made long 
 but fruitlefs Courtfhip to young Mifs 
 Witwoiid. NedCeurtly is a new but vi- 
 olent Pretender to the fame Lady. Ned 
 is a mallow well drefs'd Coxcomb .- He 
 was bred at Court, and is of a graceful 
 and confident Behaviour, tempered with 
 Civility. The iliallow Thing can wait 
 at aDiftance, and look at her, and with
 
 ^- The LOVER. 177 
 
 a Smile approach her, and fay, Your 
 Ladylhip is divinely pretty. He is won- 
 derful happy alfo in particular Difcove- 
 ries, and whenever he renews a Viilt to 
 his MiitrefS; fhe is fure of being prefent- 
 ed with fome additional Charm, which 
 would have for ever lain conceaPd, had 
 not Ned mod luckily found it out. Ned 
 quickly perceived Mifs Witwotfd** weak 
 fide, and carefully watch'd all Opportu- 
 nities of making his Advantage of it. 
 4 Mifs grows enamour'd of Ned's Compa- 
 
 * ny, and begins to defpife MeanweU as an 
 4 unpoliQi'd Clown. She likes Ned as fhe 
 
 * does her Glafs, and for the fame Rea- 
 4 fon, that it always fhows her her Beau- 
 4 ties ; and fhe takes as much Pleafure in 
 4 hearing him, injudiciouily as he does it, 
 4 give her alfo the Beauties of her Mind, 
 4 as fhe does to fee the Glafs reflect thofe 
 4 of her Body. One Evening, lafl Week^ 
 4 MeanwelL had the Honour to fup with 
 4 her; the Cloth being taken away, fhe 
 4 delivered him a Copy of Verfes, which 
 
 * flie faid had been the Product of her lei- 
 4 fure Hours, and defired the Opinion of 
 4 fo good a Judge. My Friend had the 
 4 Patience to read them twice over, finds 
 4 nothing extraordinary in them, fo fmi- 
 4 Hngly returns them with a filent Bow. 
 4 He was juit going to fpeak his Mind im- 
 
 * partially, when in came Ned Courtly. 
 
 N * Hf
 
 The LOVER. N ^. 
 
 * He perufed and hummed them over in a 
 feeming Rapture, look'd at the Lady 
 and then at the Paper for almoft half an 
 
 Hour in full Admiration And then 
 
 with a better Air than ever Critick fpoke, 
 he pronounced that the Author of thofe 
 VerfeshadGw^-i^'s Wit, and/^^//^r's 
 Softnefs, and that there was nothing fa 
 compleatly perfeft in all their Works. 
 
 -The Confequence of this was 
 
 Meanwell was dif carded, becaufe he 
 would be rigidly Honed in Trifles ; and 
 AW made his Miftrefs his Wife, becaufe 
 in fpite of Nature he allowed her a Po- 
 etefs, or, perhaps, very juftly, becaufe 
 he really thinks her fo. 
 
 lam, S I R, 
 
 Tour moft humble Servant ', 
 
 Vefuvius". 
 
 N 2 5 . Saturday, styril 24. 
 
 'Durum; fed levius fit patientid 
 6)uicquid corrigere eft nefas. Hor. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 < T Find you are an Author who are 
 
 I * more inclined to give your Advice 
 
 - *" in Cafes which raife Mirth in your
 
 N i.6. The LOVE R. 179 
 
 < Readers, than in thofe which are of a 
 
 * more ferious and melancholy Nature. 
 4 But you know very well, that in virtu- 
 ous Love there are many unhappy Acci- 
 
 < dents which may lay a claim to your 
 
 < Compaliion, and confequently to your 
 Afliltance. I my felf am one of thofe 
 diitrefled Perfons, who may come in for 
 my Share of your Concern. About eight 
 \ears ago I married a young Woman of 
 c great Merit, who was every way quali- 
 fied for a Bofom Friend, that is, for ad- 
 4 vancing the innocent Pleafures of Life 
 and alleviating its Misfortunes. She had 
 c all the good Senfe I ever met with in any 
 c Male Acquaintance, with all that Sweet- 
 c nefs of Temper which is peculiar to the 
 
 < molt engaging of her Sex. Life was too 
 happy with fuch a Companion in it; 
 ' for I muft tell you, with Tears, that fhe 
 c was matched away from me by a Feaver 
 
 * about twelve Months fince. I was he 
 
 * more unable to bear this unfpeakable 
 Lofs, as having converfed with very few 
 befides her felf during the whole Time 
 4 of our Marriage. We were the whole 
 
 * World to one another, and whilit we 
 4 lived together, tho' fcarce either of us 
 4 were ever in Company, we were never 
 c alone. Being thus cut off from the So- 
 c ciety of others, and from the Perf m 
 
 * who was mod dear to me, I naturally 
 
 N a be*
 
 The LOVER. N ^- 
 
 betook my felf to the reading of fueh 
 Books as might tend to my Relief under 
 this my great Calamity; after many o- 
 thers which 1 have perufed upon thisOc- 
 cafion, I lately had the good Fortune to 
 meet with a little Volume of Sermons, 
 juft Publifhed, entitled, Of Contentment, 
 ^Patience, and Reflgnation to the Will of 
 God, in fever at Sermons t by Ifaac Bar- 
 row, T>. 'D. 
 
 * THE Duty of Contentment is fo ad- 
 mirably explained, recommended, and 
 enforced by Arguments drawn fromRea- 
 fon and Religion, that it is impoflible to 
 read what he has faid on this Subject with- 
 out being the better for it. I lhall beg 
 leave to transcribe two or threePaflages, 
 which more immediately affected me, 
 as they came home to my own Condi- 
 tion. 
 
 THE T>eath of Friends doth, it may 
 be, opprefs thee with Sorrow. But canft 
 thou lofe thy be ft Friend? canft thou lofe 
 the 1? re fence, the Longer fat ion, the Pro- 
 tection, the Advice, the Succour of God? 
 Is he not immortal, is he not immutable, 
 is he not inseparable from thee? Canft 
 thou be deftitute of Friends, whilft he 
 ftands by thee ? Is it not an Affront an 
 heinous Indignity to him, to behave thy 
 felf as if thy Happinefs, thy Welfare, thy 
 Lomfort, had 'Dep en dance on any other 
 
 < but
 
 N'xtf. <The LOVER. 181 
 
 * but him? Is it not a great Fault to be un- 
 
 * willing to part with any thing, when he 
 ' callethfor it? Neither is it A lofs of thy 
 
 * Friend, butafeparationforafmalltime; 
 4 he is only parted from thee, as taking a 
 
 * little Journey, or going for a fmall time 
 ' to Repofe; within a while we /hall be 
 c Jure to meet again, and joyfully to con- 
 c gratulate, if we are fit, in a better Place, 
 ' and more happy State; Pr^mifimus, non 
 c amifimus ; we have fent him thither be- 
 
 * fore, not quite loft him from us. 
 
 * THT Friend, if he be a good Man (and 
 
 * in fitch Friendjhips only, we can have a 
 ' true Sat if action) is him fe If in no bad Con- 
 
 * dition^ and doth not want thee; thou canft 
 ' not therefore reafonably grieve for him ; 
 
 * and to grieve only for thy felf, is perverfe 
 ' Selfijhnefs and Fondnefs. 
 
 * W H AT follows runs on in the fame 
 
 * Vein of good Senfe, tho' it is a Confola- 
 
 * tion which 1 my felf cannot make ufe of. 
 c BVT thou haft loft a great Comfort of 
 
 * thy Life, and Advantage to thy Affairs 
 
 * here ? Is it truly fo ? Is it indeed an ir- 
 ' reparable Lofs, even fee luding the Confi- 
 
 * deration of God, whofe Friend/hip repair- 
 < eth allpojjlble Lofs? What is it-, I pray, 
 c that was plea f ant, convenient, or ufeful 
 ' to thee in thy Friend, which may not in 
 
 * good me a fur e befupplied here ? Was it a 
 
 * Senfs of hearty goodwill^ was it afweet 
 
 N 3 'freedom
 
 182 The LOVER. N'*$. 
 
 * freedom of Conversation, was it found 
 
 * Advice, or kindAjfiftance in thy Affairs ? 
 
 * And may ft thou not find thofe which are 
 ' alike able, and willing to minifler thofe 
 
 * Benefits ? May not the fame means, which 
 
 * knit him to thee, conciliate others alfo to 
 
 * be thy Friends ? He did not alone furcly 
 
 * fJT e f s a M f b e Good-nature, all the Fide- 
 
 * tity, all the Wifdom in the World, nor 
 
 * hath carried them all away with him ? O- 
 f ther Friends therefore thou may ft find to 
 ' f u PPb his room ; all good Men will be 
 4 ready, if thou art good, to be thy friends'. 
 f They will heartily love thee, they will be 
 c ready to chear thee with their fwect and 
 
 * wholfome Society, to yield thee their be ft 
 ( Counfel and Help upon any Occajion. Is 
 
 * it not therefore a fond and unaccountable 
 
 * Affeflion to a kind of'Perfonality, rather 
 4 than want of a real Convenience, that di- 
 ' Jlurbeth thee? 
 
 * IN fine, the fame Reafotts which in 
 
 * any other Lofs may comfort us, fhould do 
 
 * it alfo in this ; neither a Friend, nor any 
 
 * other good thing we can enjoy under any 
 
 * Security of not foon lojlng it : Our Wet- 
 
 * fare is not annexed to one Matt, no more 
 
 * than to any other inferior thing ; this is 
 the Condition of all good things here, to 
 
 * be tranfient and fef arable from us, and 
 accordingly we jhould be affected, towards 
 
 Fragile
 
 Nx& The LOVER. 183 
 
 Fragile fradum eft, mortale mortuum eft. 
 
 c GIVE me leave to cite alfo out of 
 
 * this great Author a very agreeable Sto- 
 ' ry which is taken from Julian's Epiltles, 
 
 * and which perhaps pleafes me the more, 
 e as it is applicable to my own cafe. 
 
 * WHEN once a great King didexcef- 
 ' fivcly andobftinately grieve for the*Death 
 ' of his Wife, whom he tenderly loved, a 
 ' Thilofopher observing if, told him, that 
 
 * he was ready to comfort him, by reftor'wg 
 
 * her to Life, fuppofing only that he would 
 
 * fapply what was needful towards theper- 
 ' forming it ; the King faid he was ready 
 
 * tofurnijh him with any thing; the *Phi- 
 
 * lofofher anfwered, that he was provided 
 
 * with all things neceffary except one thing: 
 c What that was the King demanded; be 
 <- replied, That if be would upon his Wife'' s 
 
 * Tomb infcribe the Names ofthreeTerfons 
 c who never mourned-, Jbe prefently would 
 c revive. The King, after Enquiry, told 
 
 * the Phi to fop her that he could not find one 
 4 fuc h Man : Why then, O ab fur deft of all 
 ' Men (faid the Thilofopher fmiling ) art 
 ' thou not afbamed to moan as if thoa hadft 
 c alone fallen into fo grievous a Cafe-, when 
 c as thou canft not fn d one ^Pcrfon that ever 
 ' was free from fuch 'Domeftick Affliction. 
 
 * So might the naming one Perfon, exempt- 
 
 N 4 * ed
 
 1 84 The L O V E R. N *& 
 
 ed from Inconveniences like to thofe we 
 undergo, be fafely propofed to us as a cer- 
 tain Lure of ours ; but if we find the Con- 
 dition impoffible, then is the generality of 
 the Cafe a fufficient ground of Content to 
 us ; then may we, as the wife Poet advi- 
 feth, Solace our own Evils by the Evils 
 of others. 
 
 < I have obferved, Sir, in your Wri- 
 tings many Hints and Obfervations upon 
 the moil common Subjects which appear 
 ed new to me ; I mould therefore beg of 
 you to turn your Thoughts upon that 
 melancholy Accident which is the Oc- 
 cafion of this Letter. If you can give 
 me any additional Motives of Comfort, 
 I iliall receive them as a very great Piece 
 of Charity, and I believe you may oblige 
 many others who are under the fame 
 kind of Affliction, as well as, 
 
 SIR, 
 
 Tour mo ft humble Servant, 
 
 R. B. 
 
 THIS Gentleman has too favourable 
 an Opinion of me, if he thinks me capable 
 of adding any thing material to what has 
 been handled by the excellent Author 
 whom he has mentioned in his Letter
 
 N7. The LOVE R: 185 
 
 That learned Man always exhauftshisSub- 
 jeds, and leaves nothing for thofe who 
 come after him. He was not only a great 
 Divine, but was perfectly well acquainted 
 with all the ancient Writers of Morality, 
 whofe Thoughts he -has every where digeft- 
 ed into his Writings ; and, at the lame 
 time, had a mod inexhauftible Fund of 
 Obfervation and good Senfe in himfelf. He 
 has fcarce a Sermon that might not befpun 
 out into a hundred modilh Difcourfes from 
 the Pulpit: For which Reafon I am very 
 glad to find, that we are likely to have a 
 new Edition of his Works. 
 
 N27. Tueflay, April 27. 
 
 Ingenuas didiclffe fide liter Artes 
 Emollit mores Ovid. 
 
 AMONG the many Letters of Cor- 
 refpondents, 1 have of late receiv- 
 ed but very few which are not 
 mixed With Satyr. I am a little tired with 
 fuch Ideas as the reading thofe Performan- 
 ces raife in the Mind ; fo are thofe who i- 
 magine they are alluded to by what has paf- 
 fed through my Hands, and I doubt not 
 but my Readers in general ceafe alfo to be 
 
 de-
 
 186 The LOVER] N 27- 
 
 delighted with that kind of Refledions. 
 When therefore it is irkfom to us all, it is 
 time to pafs to more pleafing Arguments. 
 But as I told the Town at my firft fetting 
 out, that Mr. Severn was my Favourite of 
 all the Characters which Ihavereprefcnted 
 tj eompofe our little Club mentioned in 
 my firft Paper, 1 fliall declare my felf fur- 
 ther on this Subject, by Printing my Let- 
 ter I have writ to Mr. Severn, which he 
 will receive to Morrow Morning. 
 
 To Mr. SEVERN. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 H I S comes with a Sett of Latin Au- 
 ' thors juit now Publiflied by Tonjbn. 
 You fee they are in Twelves, and fit to be 
 carried onOccafioninthe Pocket. He feat 
 me two Setts, one for my felf, the other for 
 the Gentleman whom 1 meant by Mr. Se- 
 vern. You will pleafe therefore to accept 
 the Prefent he makes you. You need not 
 be enjoined to be Partial to them as they 
 are a Gift ; for as you'll obferve, Mr. 
 Maittaire has had the Care of the Editi- 
 on; you need not be further encouraged 
 to recommend them to your Friends and 
 Acquaintance. The Learned World is very 
 much obliged to that Gentleman for his 
 ufeful Labours; and his elegant Ad- 
 drefles (to thofe to whom he Dedicate? 
 
 the
 
 ir. The LOVER. 187 
 
 the Book) as well as to the Reader in 
 general, fhow him a perfect Mailer in 
 what he undertakes, for he introduces 
 his Authors in a Stile as pure as their own. 
 You know he had the good Fortune to 
 live in the Favour, and, as it were, un- 
 der the Patronage of the famous Dr. Buf+ 
 by, to whofe great Talents and Know- 
 ledge in the Genius of Men we owe very 
 great Ornaments of this Age, and the 
 fupply of Men of Letters and Capacity 
 for many Generations, or rather Glaffes 
 of remarkable Men during his long and 
 eminent Life. I mud confefs, (and I 
 have often reflected upon it) that 1 am 
 of Opinion Busby 's Genius for Educati- 
 on had as great an Effect upon the Age 
 he lived in, as that of any ancient Philofo- 
 pher, without excepting one, had -upon 
 his Contemporaries. Tho' I do not per- 
 ceive that admirable Man is remembred 
 by them, at leaft not recorded by them, 
 with half the Veneration he deferves. i 
 have known great Numbers of his Scho- 
 lars, and am confident, I could difcover 
 a Stranger who had been fuch, with a 
 very little Converfation : Thofe of great- 
 Parts, who have paiTed through his In- 
 flruftion, have fuch a peculiar Readi- 
 nefs of Fancy and Delicacy of Tafte, as 
 is feldom found in Men educated elfe- 
 where, tho'of equal Talents; and thofe 
 
 * who
 
 [88 The LOVER. Ni 7 . 
 
 who were of flower Capacities, have an 
 Arrogance (for Learning without Geni- 
 us always produces that) that lets them 
 much above greater Merit that grew un- 
 der any other Gardiner. He had a Pow- 
 er of railing what the Lad had in him 
 to the utmoit height in what Nature de- 
 fignedhim; and it was not his Fault, but 
 the effeft of Nature, that there were no 
 indifferent People came out of his Hands ; 
 but his Scholars were the fined Gentle- 
 men, or the greateft Pedants in the Age. 
 The Soil which he manured always grew 
 fertile, but it is not in the Planter to 
 make Flowers of Weeds; but whatever 
 it was under Busby's Eye, it was fure 
 to get forward towards the Ufe for which 
 Nature defigned it. 
 
 < BUT I forgot what I fate down to wri te 
 upon, which was to hand to you thefe 
 pretty Volumes of Terence, Salufl^ Ph<e- 
 drusj Lucretius, Velletus faterculus 
 and Juftin: But it will be faid how comes 
 this matter to have at all a place in the 
 Lover? Why very properly; for to you 
 whofe chief Art in recommending your 
 felf, is to Aft and Speak like a Man of 
 Virtue and Senfe, that which contributes 
 to make you wifer and better, is fervice- 
 able to you as you are a Gentleman and 
 a Lover. Take my word for it, the 
 oftener you take thefe Books in your 
 
 Hand,
 
 Nx/- The LOVER. 189 
 
 Hand, you will find your Mind the more 
 prepared for aoing the mofl ordinary 
 things with a g~od Grace and Spirit; 
 that is, the agreeable Thoughts of thefe 
 Writers frequently employing your Ima- 
 gination, will naturally and infenfibly 
 affeft your Words and Aftions. It will, 
 in a greater degree, do what good Com- 
 pany does to all who frequent it, make 
 you in your Air and Mein like thofe with 
 whom you Converfe 
 6 Mr. Maittaire has promifed to go thro' 
 the belt remaining Authors with the 
 fame Diligence: The large Indexes 
 which lead with fo much eafe to any beau- 
 tiful Paflage one has a mind for, are 
 of great Ufe and Pleafure. They are 
 made with fo much Judgment and Care, 
 that they fervethe Purpofeof an Abbre- 
 viation of the Book, and carry a fecret 
 Inflru&ion, in that they lay the Senfe of 
 the Author {till clofer in Words of his 
 own, or as good as his own. I am 
 mighty well content with the Province 
 of being efteemed but a Publifher, if I 
 can be lo happy as to quicken thePaflage 
 of ufeful Arts in the World ; and I wifli 
 this Paper's coming, where otherwife 
 Works of this kind would not be fpoken 
 of, may be of any Ufe to a Man who 
 deferves fo well of all Lovers of Learn- 
 ing as Mr. Maittaire, Perhaps a fond 
 
 Mother
 
 190 The LOVER. N ^ 
 
 Mother may, by my Mgans, lighten her 
 Son's Satchel, and get him thefe little 
 Volumes inftead of the heavy Load the 
 Boy was before encumbered with ; and 
 her own Eyes may be judge, that this is 
 a Print which cannot hurt the Childs. 
 BUT I muft leave thefe Ancients, 
 and give a caft of my Office to a Living 
 Writer, a Sifter of the Quill. 
 THE Sentiments and Inclinations of 
 my Mind are fo naturally turned to Love, 
 that it is with a great deal of Pleafure I 
 frequent the Play-houfe, where I have 
 often an Opportunity of feeing this Paf- 
 fion reprefented in all its different Shapes. 
 I have for fome Years been fo conftanc 
 a Cuftomer to the Theatre, that I have 
 got molt of our celebrated Plays by 
 heart; for which reafon it is with more 
 than ordinary Pleafure that I hear the 
 Aftors give out a new one. Itisnofmall 
 Satisfaction to me, that I know we are 
 to be entertained to Night with a Co- 
 medy from the fame Hand that writ the 
 Gamefler and the Bufie Body. The de- 
 ferved Succefs thefe Plays met with, is a 
 certain Demonstration that Wit alone is 
 more than fufficient to fupply all the 
 Rules of Art. The Incidents in both 
 thofe Pieces are fo dexterouily managed, 
 and the Plots fo ingenioufly perplexed, 
 as (hew them at once to be the Jnventi- 
 
 on
 
 9 i 8 . The LOVER. 191 
 
 on of a Wit and a Woman The Curi- 
 ous will obferve the fame happy Con- 
 dud: in the Entertainment of this Night; 
 and as we have but one Brittjk Lady 
 who employs her Genius for the Drama, 
 it would be a (hameful Reflection on the 
 Polite of both Sexes, fhould me want 
 any Encouragement the Town can give 
 her. I defire your Intereft in her behalf, 
 and am, 
 
 SI R, 
 
 Tour moft Obedient Servant, 
 
 Marmaduke Myrtle. 
 
 N28. Thurfdayy April 29. 
 
 Nihilinvit* triftis cuftodtafrodeft: 
 
 Quampeccarepudetj Cynthia, tut a fat eft. 
 
 Propert. 
 
 M 
 
 Y Correfpondents fhall do my Bufi- 
 nefs for me to Day. 
 
 Mr: MYRTLE, 
 c T Throw this Letter from two Pair of 
 
 * Stairs, with half a Crown with it, 
 * in an old Glove, in hopes he that takes 
 
 < It
 
 192 The LOVER. Nz 7 . 
 
 c it up (for I am watching till a Porter, 
 c or fome fuch body pafles by) will carry 
 c it to your Lodge. I have none to com- 
 c plain to but your felf. I am locked up 
 
 * for fear of making my fcfcape to a Gen- 
 tleman, whofe Addrefles I received by 
 my Father's Approbation, tho' now his 
 
 < Pretenfions are difallowed for the fake 
 of a richer Man; I have no help in this 
 c miferable Condition, nor Means to re- 
 lieve my feif, but by defiring you to 
 Print the enclofed in your very next Lo- 
 
 < ver. The Gentleman who is to marry 
 
 * me, has vifited me twice or thrice alone, 
 c and indeed 1 fee fuch infallible Marks of 
 c thS moft unfeigned and refpeftful Pafli- 
 on towards me, that it is with great An- 
 guiili I write to him in the Sincerity of 
 c my Heart, which I know will be a fin- 
 cere Afflidion to him. It is no matter 
 
 * for a Direftion by his Name ; he reads 
 
 * your Paper, and will too foon gather 
 c that the Circumftances of my Letter can 
 c concern only himfelf. 
 
 S I R, 
 
 ci IT is a very ill Return which I m'ake 
 * " to the Refpeft you have for me, 
 <c when I acknowledge to you, that, tho' 
 " the Day for our Marriage is appointed, 
 " I am incapable of loving x you; you may 
 " have obferved, in the long Converfati- 
 
 < ons
 
 Ni8' The LOVER. 193 
 
 " ons we have had at thofe times that we 
 " were lately left together,that fome Secret 
 " hung upon my Mind: I was obliged to 
 " an ambiguous Behaviour, and durft not 
 " reveal my felf further, becaufe my Mo- 
 " ther, from aClofet near the Place where 
 " we fate, could both hear and fee our 
 " Conversation. I have flricl: Commands 
 " from both my Parents to receive you, 
 " and arn undone for ever, except you 
 " will be fo kind and generous as to re- 
 " fufe me. Confider, bir, the Mifery of 
 " bellowing your felf upon one who can 
 " have no Profpecl of Happinefs but from 
 *' your Death. This is a Confeflion made 
 " perhaps with an offenfive Sincerity, but 
 " that Conduct is much to be preferred 
 " to a covert Diflike, which could not 
 " but pall all the Sweets of Life, by im- 
 " pofing on you a Companion that doats 
 " and languifhes for another. I will not 
 " go fo far as to fay, my Paffion for the 
 " Gentleman whofe Wife I am by Pro- 
 * c mife, would lead me to any thing cri- 
 " minal againft your Honour; I know it 
 " is dreadful enough to a Man of your 
 " Senfe to exped nothing but forced Ci- 
 " vilifies in return for tender Endear- 
 " ments, and cold Eileem for unreferved 
 " Love. If you will on this occafion lee 
 " Reafon take Place of Paffion, I doubt 
 " not but Fate has in (tore for you fome 
 O " worthier
 
 194 The LOVER. N * 8 * 
 
 worthier Object of your Affeftion, in 
 " recompence of your Goodnefs to the 
 " only Woman that could be infenfible of 
 " your Merit. 
 
 I am, SIR, 
 
 Tear mofl humble Servant, 
 
 M. H. 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 c T Am a young Woman perfectly at my 
 *- ' own Liberty, Two and twenty, in 
 
 < the height and affluence of good Health, 
 good Fortune, and good Humour ; but 
 1 know not how, I muft acknowledge 
 
 * there is fomething Solitary and Diftrefl 
 
 < in the very natural Condition of our Sex, 
 c till we have wholly rejected all thoughts 
 
 * of Marriage, or made our Choice. The 
 c Man has not yet appeared to thefe Eyes, 
 c whom I could like for a Husband. I 
 therefore apply my felf to you, to let the 
 
 * Town know there is, not many Fur- 
 4 longs from your Lodge, one that lives 
 with too much Eafe, and is undone for 
 c want of that acceptable kind of Uneafi- 
 c nefs, the Importunity of Lovers. If you 
 4 can fend me half a dozen, I promife to 
 c take him who addrefTes me with mod 
 ' Gallantry and Wit, and to yeild to one 
 
 of
 
 Ni8. The L O V ER* 19$ 
 
 of them within fix Months after their 
 firft Declaration that they are my Ser- 
 vants; but at the fame time I expeft them 
 to fight one another for me, and promife 
 to be particularly Civil to him who firft 
 has his Arm in a Scarf for my Sake. I 
 expeft that they turn their Fury and Skill 
 towards difarming, or {lightly wound- 
 ing, not killing one another; for I (hall 
 not take it for Refpeft to me to lefTen 
 the Number of my Slaves; at the fame 
 time the Conquered is to beg, and the 
 Viclor is to give Life for my Sake only. 
 You muft know, Sir, 1 vajue more be- 
 ing envied by Women, than loved by 
 Men, and there is nothing proclaims a 
 Beauty fo effectually, as an Interview of 
 her Lovers behind Mount ague-houfe. In 
 hopes of a Serenade, foon after the Pub- 
 lication of this Letter, I reft in dull 
 Tranquillity, 
 
 Tour moft Affectionate 
 
 Humble Servant 9 
 
 Clidamira- 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 X^OU muft know I am one of thofe 
 
 * c Coxcombs who know my felf to 
 
 be abufed, but have not Refolution e- 
 
 O i * nough
 
 196 The LOVER. N ^- 
 
 c nough to refentit as I ought; to tell you 
 
 * plainly, I am a kind Keeper, and know 
 c my felf to be the mod fervile of Cuck- 
 c olds, for I am wronged by a Woman 
 
 * whom I may part with when I pleafe, 
 
 * but amafaid that when I pleafe will never 
 
 * happen. As other People write Verfes 
 
 * and Sonnets to deplore the Cruelty of 
 
 * their Miftrefs, I could think of nothing 
 
 * better this Morning than diverting my 
 
 * felf, and foothing my Folly by the Ex- 
 4 ample of Men of Wit, who have for- 
 4 xnerly been in my Condition. I was glad 
 < to meet an Epigram of a Gentleman I 
 
 * fuppofe your Worihip is acquainted 
 
 * with, that hit my Condition; and make 
 
 * you a Prefent of it, as I have improved 
 ' and tranflated it in the janty Stile of a 
 4 Man of Wit and Pleafure about the Town. 
 
 * Pray allow me to call her my Dear for 
 the Rhyme fake; for I never writ Verfes 
 ' till fhe vexed me: 
 
 *De In/amid fu*Tue II*. 
 
 Rumor ait crebro noflram pe c care fue Ham ; 
 
 Nunc ego me Jurdis aurtbus effe velim. 
 Qnmina non hac fitnt noflro fine f aft a dolor e : 
 
 Ghtidmiferum torques^ rumor acerbe ? tace. 
 
 The Town reports the Fal/bood of my T)ear, 
 To which I cry, Oh that I could not hear! 
 
 I
 
 The LOVER. 197^ 
 
 Hove herftilly Teace then thou Eabler Fame, 
 And let me reft contented m my Shame. V 
 
 Pray give my humble Service to Mrs. 
 c 'Page; you honourable Lovers have a 
 < good Confcience to fupport you in your 
 f Vexations, but we alas lam 
 
 Tour humble Servant, 
 
 Giles Limberham. 
 
 N 29. Saturday, May i . 
 
 Quis dejiderio Jit fudor aut modus 
 Tarn chart Cafitis ? Hor. 
 
 THE Reader may remember that in 
 my iirft Paper I defcribed the Cir- 
 cumflances of the Perfons, whofe 
 Lives and Converfations my future Dif- 
 courfes fhould principally defcribe. Mr. 
 OJwald, who is a Widower, and in the 
 firft Year of that diflreffed Condition, 
 having abfented himfelf from our Meet- 
 ings, I went to vifit him this Evening. 
 My Intimacy made the Servant readily con- 
 dud: me to him, though he had forbidden 
 them to let any body come at him. I found 
 3 him
 
 198 The LOVER. N0l 9- 
 
 him leaning at a Table with a Book before 
 him, and law, methoughts, a Concern in 
 him much deeper than that Serioufnefs 
 which arifes from Reading only, though 
 the matter upon which a Man has been 
 employed has been never fo weighty. He 
 faw in me, I believe, a friendly Curiofi- 
 ty to know what put him into that Temper, 
 and began to tell me that he had been 
 looking over a little Collection of Books 
 of his Wife's, and faid it was an inexpref- 
 fible Pleafure to him, that, tho 1 he thought 
 her a mod excellent Woman, he found, 
 by peruling little Papers and Minutes a- 
 mong her Books, new Reafons for loving 
 her; This, continued he, now in my 
 Hand, is the Contemplations Moral and 
 ^Divine of Sir Matthew Hale : She has turn- 
 ed down, and written little Remarks on 
 the Margin as flie goes on. In order to 
 give you a Notion of her Merit and good 
 benfe, pray give me leave to read three or 
 four Paragraphs which flie has marked with 
 this Pencil. He here looked upon the 
 Pencil, till the Memory of fome little In- 
 cident, of which it reminded him, filled 
 his Eyes with Tears ; which, to hide new 
 Reafons for loving her, (but he only dif- 
 covered his Grief the more) he began in 
 a broken Voice to read Sir Matthews fe- 
 pond Chapter in his Difcourfe of Religion. 
 
 f T H E
 
 *9- The LOVER, 199 
 
 'THE Truth and Spirit of Religion 
 comes in a narrow compafs, though the 
 Effeft and Operation thereof are large 
 and diffufive. Solomon comprehended it 
 in a few Words, Fear God y and keep Ins 
 Commandments* for this is the whole 
 <Duty of Man: TheSoul and Life of Re- 
 ligion is the Fear of God, which is the 
 Principle of Obedience; out Obedience 
 to his Commands, which is an Acl: or 
 Exercife of that Life, is various, accor- 
 ding to the variety of the Commands of 
 God : If I take a Kernel of an Acorn, the 
 Principle of Life lies in it: The thing it 
 felf is but fmall, but the Vegetable Prin- 
 ciple that lies in it takes up a lefs room 
 than the Kernel it felf, little more than 
 the Quantity of a fmall Pins head, as is 
 eafie to be obferved by Experiment; but 
 the Exercife of that Spark of Life is large 
 and comprehenfive in its Operation; it 
 produceth a great Tree, and in that 
 Tree the Sap, the Body, the Bark, the 
 Limbs, the Leaves, the Fruit ; and fo 
 it is with the Principles of true Religion, 
 the Principle it felf lies in a narrow com- 
 pafs, but the Activity and Energy of it 
 is difFufive and various. 
 THIS Principle hath not only Pro- 
 ductions that naturally flow from it, but 
 where it is, it ferments and affimilates, 
 and gives a kind of Tincture even to o 
 O 4 ' ther
 
 200 The LOVER. N 2 9- 
 
 < ther Aftions that do not in their own 
 
 < Nature follow from it, as the Nature and 
 c civil Aftions of our Lives; under the 
 
 < former was our Lord's Parable of a Grain 
 c of Muftard-feed, under the latter of his 
 * Comparifon of Leaven, jutt as we fee in 
 
 < other things of Nature: Take a little 
 Red Wine, and drop it into a Veflel of 
 Water, it gives a new Tinfture to the 
 Water; or take a grain of Salt and put 
 it into frefti Liquor, it doth communi- 
 cate it felf to the next adjacent part of 
 the Liquor, and that again to the next, 
 until the whole be fermented.- So that 
 fmall and little vital Principle of the Fear 
 of God doth gradually and yet fudden- 
 ly aflimilate the Aclions of our Life 
 flowing from another Principle. It recti- 
 fies and moderates our AfYeclions, and 
 Paffions, and Appetites, it gives Truth 
 to our Speech, Sobriety to our Senfes, 
 Humility to our Parts, and the like. 
 
 'RELIGION is bed in its Simp lid- 
 ty and'Purify, but difficult to be retain- 
 ed fo, without Superflitions and Accef- 
 fions; and thofe do commonly in time 
 Stifle and Choak the Simplicity^ of Reli- 
 gion, unlefs much Care and Circumfpe- 
 dion be ufed: The Contemperations 
 are fo many and fo sumberfim, that Re- 
 ligion lofeth its Nature, or is (Irangied 
 by them; Julias a Man that hath fome 
 
 * Excellent:
 
 Ni9- The LOVE R. 2OI 
 
 Excellent Simple Cordial Spirit, and puts 
 in Musk in it to make it fmell fweet, 
 and Honey to make it taite pleafant; 
 and it may be Cant bar ides to make ic 
 look glorious. Indeed by the Infufions 
 he hath given it a very fine Smelly and 
 Tafte, and Colour, but yet he hath fo 
 cloggd it, and fofhiflicated it with Su- 
 peradditions, that it may be he hath al- 
 tered the Nature, and deflroyed the 
 Virtue of it. 
 
 H E R E my Friend could go on no fur- 
 ther, but reaching to me the Book itfelf, 
 he leaned on the Table, covering his Eyes 
 with his Hands, while I read the follow- 
 ing Words on the Margin, Grant that 
 this Super addition which I make, maybe 
 Love and Conftancy to Mr. Ofwald. No 
 one could be unafFeded with this Inci- 
 dent, nor could I forbear falling into a 
 kind of Confolatory Difcourfe, drawn from 
 the Satisfaction it muft needs be, to find 
 new Proofs of the Virtue of aPerfon he fo' 
 tenderly loved; but obferving his Con- 
 cern too quick and lively for Conver<ati~ 
 on on that Subjecl, I broke off with re- 
 peating only two Diftichs of "Mr. ' 
 to my Lady Vandyke, on the Death of her 
 Husband, 
 
 Tour Joys and Griefs were wont the fame to le$ 
 Begin not now, blejj Pair^ to difagree. 
 
 I
 
 202 The LOVER: N **; 
 
 I cannot but think it was a very right 
 Sentiment in this Lady, to make that Du- 
 ty of Life in which me took pleafure, the 
 Superttrufture upon the Motive of Religi- 
 on ; for nothing can mend the Heart bet- 
 ter than an honourable Love, except Re- 
 ligion. It fweetens Difafters, and mode- 
 rates good Fortune, from a Benevolent 
 Spirit that is naturally in it, and extends it 
 felf to things the mod remote. It cannot 
 be conceived by thofe who are involved 
 in Libertine Ple'afures, the fweet Satisfa- 
 ftions that mult arife from the Union of 
 two Perfons who have left all the World, 
 in order to place their chief Delight in 
 each other ; and to promote that Delight 
 by all the methods which Reafon, urged 
 by Religion and Duty, forwarded by Paf- 
 fion, can intimate to the Heart. Such a 
 Pair give Charms to Virtue, and make 
 pleafant the ways of Innocence: A Devia- 
 tion from the Rules of fuch a Commerce 
 would be courting Pain ; for fuch a Life is 
 as much to be preferred to any thing that 
 can be communicated by criminal Satisfa- 
 6Hons, (to fpeak of it in the mildefl Terms) 
 as Sobriety and elegant Converfation are 
 to Intemperance and Rioting.
 
 ?he LOVER. 203 
 
 N3O. Tuefday, May 4. 
 
 Defpicere unde queas altos, pajfflmque videre 
 Errare, atquc <viam palanteis quterere vita. Luc. 
 
 IT is a very great Satisfaction to one 
 who has put himfelf upon the Platonick 
 Foot, to look calmly on, while Carni- 
 vorous Lovers run about howling for Hun- 
 ger, which the Intellectual and more ab- 
 itraded Admirer is never gnaw'd with. 
 The following Letters give a lively Repre- 
 fentation of this matter. 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 C T F ever any Man had reafon to difpatch 
 * c himfelf for Love, I am the Perfon ; 
 
 * I am loft to all Intents andPurpoies, tho' 
 c I was the happiell Man in the World, 
 ' and have no one to accufe but my felf 
 < of my prefent Misfortunes, and yet I 
 6 am not to be accufed neither. To open 
 
 * this Riddle, you muft know, Mr. Myrtle* 
 c that lam not now Twenty Years of Age; 
 ' I think that Circumitance neceflary to 
 ' tell you, for they fay the Misfortune 
 ' which befel me cannot happen but from 
 
 * the Height of Youth and Blood. I live 
 
 in
 
 204- The LOVER. N 3- 
 
 in the Neighbourhood of a young Lady 
 of Wealth, Wit and Beauty. I love her 
 to Death, and fhe loves me with no lefs 
 '- Ardour. We have had frequent Meet- 
 ' ings by Health, which are now inter- 
 
 * rupted by a very uncommon Accident. 
 
 * I have a Father who can never be enough 
 
 * fatisfied that his Houfeisnot to beburn- 
 
 < ed before next Morning; and for this 
 reafon, as well as, perhaps, other Jealou- 
 
 * fies, infifts upon the Liberty of coming 
 
 * into my Chamber when I am afleep, to 
 fee whether my Candle is out. One 
 Night he Hole foftly in, as indeed he al- 
 
 * ways does, for fear of diflurbing me, 
 
 < when I faft afleep was talking of my Mi- 
 flrefs. As he has fmce told me, I named 
 her, and then thought fit to go on as 
 c follows. 
 
 'THE Happinefs we now enjoy is 
 doubled by the Secrecy of it. I will 
 come again to Morrow Night, and have 
 ordered the Hackney Coachman to be 
 c ready to let me get up to your Widow at 
 ( the Hour appointed. Be ready to throw 
 
 * up the Saih when I tinkle with a Piece 
 ' of Mony at the Glafs. Your Letters I 
 c keep always in a Box under my Bed, and 
 
 * my Father can never come at them. 
 
 * Pray be fure to write; for the Day-time 
 4 'tis mighty fad (liou'd be troubled with the 
 
 * Impertinence and Buftle of the World, 
 
 ' and
 
 N3. The LOVER. 205 
 
 < and we never to meet or hear from each 
 s other but at Midnight. 
 
 THE old Gentleman took my Key 
 out of my Pocket, and by that means 
 
 < made himfelf Matter of my Papers; and, 
 c in an hight Point of Honour, the next 
 
 * Day told the Parents of my Miftrefs the 
 Danger their Daughter was in of being 
 carried off by his Son, who had no Pre- 
 
 < tenfions to a Woman of her Fortune; 
 c tho' he can do very handfomlyfor me. 
 
 c THIS matter has been very indifcreet- 
 c ly managed by both our Parents; the 
 c Servants, and confequently the Neigh- 
 c bourhood, have the Story amongft them, 
 and theinnocenteft Woman in the World 
 c is at the Mercy of bufie Tongues: Now, 
 Sir, I am not to judge of the Actions of 
 
 * my Father ; but as he has a longer Purfe 
 than he will own, I defire you would 
 
 * lay before him, that he did not come at 
 c my Secret fairly, and that he. ought, 
 c iince he goes upon Punctilios, to have 
 ' made no Ufe of what he arrived at by 
 4 the Infirmity of a troubled Imagination. 
 ' He fays indeed for himfelf, that he had 
 c this Thought in his Head, and therefore 
 
 * had I owned the Thing to him when he 
 
 * taxed me, without (hewing my MHtrefs's 
 4 Letters, he ihould have been obliged, 
 ' by the manner of getting the Secret, to 
 ' have kept it ; but fmce 1 had not owned 
 
 4 it,
 
 2O6 The LOVER. N 3. 
 
 < it, had I not been confronted by her 
 Letters, which he got by taking ray Key 
 
 * out of my Pocket, I am under the fame 
 
 * Degree of Favour as a Man who com- 
 
 * mitred any other Crime would have been 
 c who had betrayed himfelf in the fame 
 
 < manner. Mr. Myrtle? you are a great 
 
 * Cafuifl, and you fee what a Jumble of 
 
 < unhappy Circumftances I am involved in, 
 
 * which I defire you to extricate me from 
 
 * by your belt Advice, which will come 
 very feafonably to two Families who are 
 
 * much your Friends, among whom none 
 
 * fo much as the Lady concerned in the 
 ' Story ; and where Die approves, you have 
 
 * an Admirer in, 
 
 SIR, 
 
 Tour mojl Humble Servant ', 
 Ulyfles Tranfmarinus. 
 
 c I have Notice given me, that I mud 
 c crofs the Seas for this Bufmefs; but I 
 
 * am refolved to flay at lead in the fame 
 Nation with my Fair One, till I hear 
 
 * further. 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, Friday, April 30. 1714. 
 c 'VT'OU'LL oblige extremely yourmoft 
 
 humble Servant in inferring this in 
 4 your next Lover. Madam*
 
 The LOVER. 207 
 
 EA*IH would have been welcomer 
 than your Letter in Thurfday's 
 " Lover i for 1 muft furvive the Mifery 
 " /to would have ended. Your j/ffre- 
 c< r/V)' is fo far from being Offenjive, that 
 " my Paffion (were it now lawful to indulge 
 " it) is greater for you, and I cannot bet- 
 <c ter prove the Truth of mine than byre- 
 " fufmg you,) and making you as happy in 
 " your Choice p , as with you would have 
 " been the moft unfortunate - 
 
 To Mr. MYRTLE. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 is a young Woman in our 
 Neighbourhood that makes it her 
 Bufmefs to difturb every body that paffes 
 by with her Beauty. She runs to the 
 Window when ihe has a mind to do Mif- 
 chief, and then when a Body looks up 
 at her, Ihe runs back, as tho' (he had 
 not a mind to be feen, tho' me came there 
 on purpofe. Her Hands and Arms you_ 
 muft know are very fine, for that reaforf 
 ihe never lets them be unemployed, but 
 is feeding a Squirrel, and catching Peo- 
 ple that pafs by all Day long. She 
 has a way of heaving our of the Window 
 to fee fomething, fo that one who (lands 
 in the Street juft over againfl her, is 
 
 taken
 
 208 The LOVER. N 3 o, 
 
 taken with her fide Face; one that is 
 coming down fixes his Eyes at the Pole 
 of her Neck till he {tumbles ; and one 
 coming up the Street is fixed Stock-flill 
 by her Eyes: She won't let any body go 
 by in Peace. J am confident if you went 
 that way your felf, fhe would pretend 
 to get you from Mrs. Tage. As for my 
 own part, 1 fear her not; but there are fe- 
 veral of our Neighbours whofe Sons are 
 taken in her Chains, and feveralgood Wo- 
 men's Husbands are always talking of 
 her, and there is no quiet. I beg of you 
 Sir, to take fome Courfe with her, for 
 fhe takes a delight in doing all this Mif- 
 chief. It would be right to lay down fome 
 Rules againft her ; or if you pleafe to ap- 
 point a time to come and fpeak to her, 
 it would be a great Chanty to our Street, 
 efpecially to, 
 
 SIR, 
 
 Tour moft humble Servant 9 
 Anthony Eyelid. 
 
 SI R, 
 
 TT ERE is a young Gentlewoman in 
 
 - * * our Street, that I do not know at 
 
 all, who looked full in my Face, and 
 
 then looked as if fhe was miftaken, but 
 
 looked
 
 N 6 30. <Tae LOVER. 209 
 
 c looked fo pretty, that I can't forget 
 
 * her ; fhe does fomething or other to e- 
 c very one that paflesby. I thought I would 
 4 tell you of her. 
 
 Tours, 
 
 Ch. Bufie. 
 SIR, 
 
 CJLJERE is a young Woman in our 
 -* * * Street, that looks often melancho- 
 ly out of the Window, as if ftie faw no 
 Body, and no Body faw her, (he is fo in- 
 tent. But ihe can give an Account of 
 every thing that pafles, and does it to 
 Way-lay young Men. Pray fay fomething 
 about her. 
 
 Tours, unknown, 
 
 Tall-boy Gapefeed. 
 SIR, 
 
 C HTHERE is a young Woman in our 
 -*- * Neighbourhood, that makes Peo- 
 
 * pie with Bundles on their Back (land as 
 
 * if they had none, and thofe who have 
 c none (land as if they had too heavy ones. 
 ' Pray take her to your End of the Town, 
 ' for Ihe interrupts Bufmefs. 
 
 Ralph Doodle 
 Thurfday,
 
 2IO The LOVER. 
 
 N3I. Thurfday, May 6. 
 
 Ridet hoc, inquam, Venus jffa ; r'tdent 
 Simfllces Nymphs, ferus & Ciifido* 
 Semfer ardentes acuens fagittas 
 
 Cote cruentd. Hor. 
 
 London* May 4. 
 Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 C T Remember, fome time ago, that I 
 4 heard a Gentleman, who often talk- 
 * * ed out of a Book, fpeak of a King 
 that was fo fond of his Wife, that his 
 Mind overflowed with the Happinefs he 
 had in the PofTefljon of her Beauties. I 
 remember it was juftfo that talking Fel- 
 low exprelTed himfelf; but all that Fwant 
 of his Story is, that he (hewed his Queen 
 naked from a Chink in the Bed Cham- 
 ber; and that the Queen, finding this 
 out, refented it fo highly, that (lie, af- 
 ter mature Deliberation, thought fit to 
 plot againfl her Husband, and married 
 the Man to whom he had expofed her 
 Perfon. I have but a puzzled way of tel- 
 
 * ling
 
 i. The LOVER. 211 
 
 ling a Story; but this Circumftance, a- 
 mong fuch great People, may give you 
 fome Thoughts upon an Accident of the 
 like kind, which happened to me a Man 
 of middle Rank. 
 
 'THERE is a very gay, pleafant 
 young Lady, whom I was well acquaint- 
 ed with, and had long known as being 
 an Intimate of my Sifter's: We were the 
 other Day a riding out ; the Women 
 and Men on (ingle Horfes ; it happened 
 that this young Lady and I out-rid the 
 Company, and in the Avenue of the 
 Wood be.tween Hamfflead and Highgate 
 her Horfe threw her full upon her Head. 
 She is a quick-witted Girl, and finding 
 Chance had difcovered more of her 
 Beauty than ever me defigned to favour 
 me with, me in an Inftant lay on the 
 Turf in a decent manner, as in a Trance, 
 before I could alight, and come to her 
 Affiftance. I fell in Love with her when 
 (he was Topfie Turvey, and from that 
 Inftant profefTed my felf her Servant. 
 She always laughed, and turned off the 
 Difcourfe, and faid (he thought it muft 
 be fo : The whole Family were mightily 
 amazed how this Declaration came allof 
 a fudden, and why, after two or three 
 Years Intimacy, not a Word, and yet 
 now I fo very Eager. Well ; the Father 
 had no Exception to me, and the Wed- 
 ding-day was named, when, all of a fud- 
 P z den,
 
 212 The LOVER. N a $i; 
 
 1 den, the Father has fent my Miflrefs to 
 * a diilant Relation in the Country, and 
 I am difcarded. Now, Sir, what I de- 
 fire of you is to infert this, that her Fa- 
 ther may underftand what flie meant, 
 when (he faid, / jhall be ajhamed to be 
 the Wife of any other Man ; and what I 
 meant when I faid that, 1 know more of 
 her already than any other Husband per- 
 haps ever may. Thefe Expreflions were 
 let drop when the Father Ihewed fome 
 Signs of parting us, and I appeal to you, 
 whether, according to nice Rules, {he 
 is not to'prefer me to all others. This 
 is a ferious matter in its Confequences, 
 and I won't be choufed ; therefore pray 
 infert it. The whole is humbly fubmit- 
 ted by, 
 
 SIR, 
 
 Tour mofl 'Unfortunate* 
 
 Humble Servant^ 
 
 Tim. Pip. 
 To Mr. MARMADUKE MYRTLE. 
 
 SIR, 
 cQBSERVING you play theCafuift, 
 
 ^^ ' the Doctor, nay often defcend e- 
 c ven to the Letter Carrier, for the Ser- 
 
 ' vice
 
 N 3 f. The LOVER. 213 
 
 vice of Lovers, I am apt to think my 
 prefent Condition brings me within your 
 Cognizance, and countenances this Ap- 
 plication Sir, I ever was a great Ad- 
 mirer of a (ingle State, and my chief Stu- 
 dy has been to colled Encomiums in its 
 favour, and Inflances of unhappy Mar- 
 riages to confirm me. I never could 
 think my felf the fad half of a Man, or, 
 that my Cares wanted doubling. The 
 beft Exercifel ever performed at School 
 was, a Tranflation of Juvenal's iixth 
 Satyr. I remember my Mafter faidfmi- 
 ling, Sirrah, you will die a Batchelor. 
 Since I came to Man's Eflate I have every 
 Day talked over, with little variation, 
 the common-place Sayings againtt Matri- 
 mony. I believe they've been more con- 
 itant than my Prayers. Imuftnow, Sir, ac- 
 quaint you how I became difarmed of 
 thofe Principles inanlntlant, and how o- 
 ther Thoughts took place, fo that 1 beg 
 leave hereby to Recant, and proteft againft 
 thofe damnable Doftrines. And further 
 I humbly befeech all Ladies with whom 
 I converfe, to bellow on me the En- 
 couragement which new and true Con- 
 verts generally meet with. I was riding 
 in the Country lad Spring; of all 
 Days in the Week it was upon a Tuefday, 
 when, on a fudden, I heard a Voice 
 which guided my Sight to two young 
 P 3 Wo*
 
 214 The LOVER. N3f. 
 
 Women unknown to me: They were 
 negligently, 1 won't fay meanly dreft, 
 had large Staffs in their Hands, and were 
 followed by Spaniels and Grey-hounds. 
 One (whom I now fee with the Lover's 
 Telefcope) wore a Bonnet. On her I 
 caft my Eyes till the Brightnefs of hers 
 made them fail me, that is, I have feen 
 nothing in its true light fmce. I am a 
 piece of a Scholar, yet am not able, Mr. 
 Myrtle^ to affirm what I faw, and how 
 this Object ftruck the Organs of my Bo- 
 dy, affefted my Soul and Mind, and 
 produced this lading Idea. The oldPhi- 
 lofophers, you know, attributed a Soul 
 to the Loadftone, when they cou'd noc 
 find out theReafon of its Union to Iron. 
 Whence iliall I deduce the Caufe of my 
 Condition ? Shall I fpeak of an Impulfe, 
 PrefTure of infenfible Particles, fecret 
 Power, Deftiny, the Stars, Magick ; or 
 fhall I fay in the Lawyers Term, that e- 
 very Feature had its Copies; or muft I 
 mention occult Quality, or as the gen- 
 teel World tranilate it, Je ne fcay quoy* 
 I fliould have told you I was a hunting 
 when I faw thisObjeft, that when it fled, 
 my good-fpirited Gelding refufed the 
 Gate that parted us, and run away with 
 me. This was as good as afecondGame, 
 for I who before was the greateftSportf- 
 man in the Country, have ever fince 
 
 haunted
 
 Nai. The LOVER, 215 
 
 haunted the Woods to Sigh, not Hal- 
 low. In lonely Shades by Day, and 
 Moonfliine Walks by Night (flie ever by 
 my Side) I have found my only Plea- 
 fure. This Condition I have fuffered 
 for a long Series of time ; but wander- 
 ing in the fame Wood I faw a Country 
 Girl in the fame Bonnet in which I for- 
 merly beheld my great Calamity. I fol- 
 lowed her, and found the Aboad of 
 her for whom I languifh. Ma Charmante 
 in your conftant Reader, who hereby 
 will have fome Notion of me and my 
 Name. I crave, Sir, your Afliftance 
 herein, and (to eafe your felf of another 
 troublefome Letter) your Advice, in 
 Cafe of a Denial to wait upon her. I 
 have abundance more to fay, but defire 
 you to fay it to your felf in behalf of, 
 
 SIR, 
 
 Tour Enamoured Humble Servant, 
 
 P 4
 
 216 The L O VER, 
 
 N 33. Saturday, May 8. 
 
 Ariflot, 
 
 THE Task which I have enjoyned 
 my felf in thefe Papers, is to de- 
 fcribe Love in all its Shapes: To 
 warn the unwary of thofe Rocks, upon 
 which fo many in all Ages have fplit for- 
 merly, do fplit ftill, and will fplit hereaf- 
 ter, as long as Men and Women (hall be 
 what they now are ; and to delineate the 
 true and unfeigned Delight, which virtu^ 
 ous Minds feel in the Enjoyment of 
 their lawful and warranted Paflions. 
 This Task, the farther I go, I find grows 
 the more upon my Hands. The dread- 
 ful EfTecls which have attended irregular 
 Purfuits in this way, have led fome fhal- 
 low Philofophers to arrain that as fimply 
 unlawful, or at leaft as unbecoming a wife 
 Man, which is certainly one of the firfl 
 and fundamental Laws of Nature; and 
 they have feemed to look upon that as a 
 Curfe which rightly managed is thegreatr 
 eft Bleffing that our Creator has given 
 fjs fiere below; and which is in Truth, 

 
 TfeL.OVERi 217 
 
 <That Cordial Drop Heaven in our Cup has 
 <To make the naufeous Draught of Life go down. 
 
 YET on the other Hand, when (com- 
 paratively fpeaking) fo very many mifcar- 
 ry in this Particular, more than in any o- 
 ther iingle Circumftance belonging to hu- 
 man Life, one is tempted to cry out, with 
 my Lord Brooke in his Alaham, 
 
 O wearifom Condition of Mortality 
 Born to one Law, and to another bound \ 
 Vainly begotten, yet forbidden Vanity ; 
 Created Sick, commanded to be Sound! 
 If Nature fure did not delight in Blood, 
 She woud have found more eafie ways to good. 
 
 BUT fmce Complaints under mod Pre 
 fures avail but little ; fmce in every Spe- 
 cies of Aftions there is a right and a 
 wrong, which Circumftances only can de- 
 termine; fince our Maker (for greater 
 Reafons than thofc which our Laws afcribe 
 tp our Princes) cannot po/Tibly do any 
 wrong, or as the Divines fpeak, cannot 
 be the Author of Sin; fince what was ef- 
 fential to Human Nature before the Fall, 
 is in itfelf molt certainly good, when 
 rightly purfued; and fmce onemayobferve 
 that Miftakes and falfe Steps in this mat- 
 ter meet with harfher Cenfnres, and are 
 pften more feverelypunifhed in this World, 
 
 than
 
 218 The LOVER.' N B 32. 
 
 than many other Crimes which feem to 
 be of a higher Nature : I have thought it 
 worth while to enquire into this matter as 
 exadly as I could, and to prefent the Pub- 
 lick with my Thoughts concerning the 
 real Differences between the feveral forts 
 of Evil Adions, as ' (hall find opportuni- 
 ty, and as my importunate Correfpondents, 
 who are often in hafle, and who muftnot 
 be difobliged, will give me leave. 
 
 ONE Method, as I take it, to induce 
 Men to avoid any Evil, is to know not on- 
 ly wherein it confifts, but how great it is. 
 The Stoics of old pretended that all Sins 
 were equal ; that it was as great a Crime 
 to (teal a Pin, as to rob upon the Road. 
 When their wife Man was once out of his 
 way, he loft his Pretenfions to Wifdom; 
 and when thofe were gone, whatfoever 
 he did or faid afterwards in that State of 
 Aberration, it was all one. Sins were Sins, 
 and where the Eflence was the fame, 'the 
 Degrees mattered little. This contradicts 
 human Nature, and common Senfe ; and 
 the Laws of all Nations diftinguifh in the 
 Punifliments which they inflid, between 
 Crimes as they are more or lefs pernicious 
 to the Society in and againft which they 
 are committed. That God does fo too, 
 we need not queftion. The Judge of the 
 whole Earth muft certainly do right. When 
 we know wherein the true Greatnefs ofe- 
 
 very
 
 N5*. T//<? LOVER. 219 
 
 very Sin confifts, we fhall be able to judge 
 of our own Faults, and fometimesof the 
 Faults of others; we ftiall fee why we 
 ought to avoid them where there is room 
 for Compaliion ; and where Puni/hmenc 
 is neceffary, we may be fure then to be fe- 
 vere in the right place; and by knowing 
 how and when to forgive, may fometimes 
 raife thofe that are finking, and often fave 
 thofe from utter Deftruftion, who if a- 
 bandoned would be irrecoverably Iofl 
 This is a large, and I think an ufeful Theme, 
 and it is what I have not feen fufficiemly 
 enlarged upon in thofe Books of Morality 
 which have come in my way. Now if in 
 my Enquiries I have an Eye all along to 
 the Chriitian Inftitution, and take a view 
 of the Sins and Irregularities of Mankind 
 in fuch a Light as is confident with the 
 Praftice of our Saviour and his Apoftles, I 
 hope the fofter and politer part of my Rea- 
 ders will not be upon that Account dif- 
 gufted. 
 
 THE Aggravation of all Crimes is to 
 be eflimated either from the Perfons in- 
 jured or offended, or from the intrinfick 
 Malice from whence thofe Injuries and 
 Offences proceed. All Offences are a- 
 gainft either our Maker, our Neighbour, 
 or our felves. Offences againft our Maker 
 have this particular Aggravation, that they 
 are committed againft the Perfon to whom 
 we have the greateil Obligations, and con- 
 
 fequently
 
 22O The LOVER. N 3 i. 
 
 fequently do more immediately contra- 
 dict the Light of our own Conference. 
 The Obligations of our original Being, 
 and of our conftant Prefervation, during- 
 the whole Courfe of our Lives, which 
 takes in all the Bleffings that we daily re- 
 ceive from him, are fo peculiarly due to 
 God, that they are not communicable to 
 any earthly Being. For tho' we may, and 
 do hourly, receive Advantages from our 
 Fellow-Creatures, yet thofe Advantages 
 are ultimately to be referred to God, by 
 whofe good Providence thofe Fellow- 
 Creatures are enabled to do us good. And 
 befides, the good they do us is as much 
 for their Sakes as for ours, fince the Ad- 
 vantages they receive from us, and thofe 
 we receive from them are reciprocal. But 
 tho' our Creator is always doing good to 
 us, we can do none to him, and upon that 
 Score he has a Title to our Obedience, 
 and that implicit, when once we are fa- 
 tisfied it is he that commands. This 
 makes Idolatry to be fo crying a Sin, be- 
 caufe it is a Communication of that 
 Honour to the Creature, (whether inani- 
 mate or animate it matters not) to which 
 it can have no pofTible Title, and is due 
 to the Creator only Upon this account 
 alfo It-religion and Atheifm are flill worfe, 
 becaufe they tear up all Religion by the 
 Roots; and all Service and Woifhip is de- 
 to him to whom the utmoft Service 
 
 and
 
 N32-. The LOVE R: 221 
 
 and Worfhipis juftly due. This is fo plain, 
 that it needs neither Enlargement nor 
 Proof. 
 
 THE fecond degree of Offences is of 
 thofe which are committed againft our 
 Neighbours. They are equally God's Crea- 
 tures as ourfelves, and have an equal Ti- 
 tle to his Protection, and we ought to 
 think that they are equally dear to him. 
 Offences againft them may be compre- 
 hended under cne common Title of In- 
 Juftice. And what Divines ufually call Sins 
 a n ainft the Second Table^ are, if ftriclly ex- 
 amined, but fo many Sorts of Injuries a- 
 gainft our Neighbours. The Pains, the 
 Care, the Trouble, and above all, the 
 Love, of Parents, demand Honour from 
 their Children; and therefore when they 
 do not meet with it, they are injured: 
 This fhews the Juftice of the fifth Com- 
 mandment. To take away our Neigh- 
 bour's Life is the greateft Injury which 
 can be done him, becaufe it is absolutely 
 irreparable. Next to that are Injuries done 
 to his Bed, and for the fame Reafon too. 
 The Goods we enjoy are the Means of our 
 Subfiftence here, and he that againft our 
 Wills takes them from us, does more or 
 lefs, according to the greatnefs of our 
 Lofs, deprive us of our Subfiftence. 
 This fhews the Juftice of the fixth, 
 feventh and eighth Commandments. And 
 fince none of thofe things to which by 
 
 the
 
 222 The LOVER. N 3^: 
 
 the original Grant from our common 
 Maker we have a juft Title, are fecure, if 
 Calumny and falfe Accufations are once 
 allowed ; therefore falfe witneifing is alfo 
 forbidden in the ninth Commandment. 
 And fince a defire of pofleffing what is not 
 our own, and what we fee others enjoy, 
 will, if encouraged, naturally lead Men to 
 as many forts of Injuftice, as there are Sorts 
 of Defires; therefore coveting what is not 
 our own is fenced againft by the tenth Com- 
 mandment. 
 
 BY this Detail it plainly appears why I 
 fct Offences againft our Neighbours in the 
 fecond Place. When God gave the ten 
 Commandments, he mentioned no Offences 
 but thofe againft himfelf and our Neigh- 
 bours, and left the bins which are imme- 
 diately againft our felves (which are pro- 
 perly Sins of Intemperance) to be forbid- 
 en by other Laws. 
 
 BUT then, tho' Sins againft our felves 
 ought, with refpecl to their Guilt, (which 
 is what J here propofe to confider) to be 
 reckoned laft; yet it does not follow from 
 thence that they are not Sins, and confe- 
 quentlydonot deferve Punilhment. What- 
 ioever difables us in any Meafure from do- 
 ing our Duty to God or our Neighbour, is 
 fo far an Injuftice towards them, and robs 
 them of their due, and is fo far a Crime. 
 i fay an 7/0/?/V ?, becaufe, as I faid before, 
 all Faults in my Opinion are ultimately to 
 
 be
 
 N33. The LOVER. 223 
 
 be referred to that: Even Uncharitable^ 
 nefs is lnjuftice> becaufe our common Cre- 
 ator, who has made us all liable to Want, 
 and confequently under a Neceffity of de- 
 firing Affiflance, expefts we fhould be 
 helpful to one another, becaufe he is good 
 to us. And when Ariftotle fays, in thofe 
 Words that are the Motto ot this Paper, 
 that all Virtues are contained In Jufllce* 
 he flates the true Notion of Good and E- 
 vil ; and it is as applicable to Virtues con- 
 fidered in a Chriftian Light, as in a natu- 
 ral one. This then is the firft Rule by 
 which we are to weigh the different De- 
 grees of Good and Evil. 
 
 N33- Tuefday, Mayii. 
 
 Anlmumfltturd fa felt Virg: 
 
 I Went the other Day down the River, 
 and dined with fome Virtuofi Friends 
 at Greenwich. The purpofe of the Gen- 
 tleman, who invited us, was to entertain 
 us with a fight of that famous Cieling in 
 the great Hall at Greenwich Hofpital, 
 painted by our Ingenious Countryman Mr. 
 Thornhill> who has executed a great and 
 noble Defign with a Mafterly Hand, and 
 
 uncommon
 
 224 The LOVER. N 3*- 
 
 uncommon Genius. The Regularity, Sym- 
 metry, Boldnefs and Prominence of the 
 Figures are not to be defcribed, nor is it 
 in the Power of Words to raife too great 
 an Idea of the Work. As well as I could 
 comprehend it from feeing it but twice, 
 I mail give a plain Account of it. 
 
 TN the middle of the Cieling (which is 
 about io5 Foot long, and 5-6 Foot wide, 
 and near 50 Foot high) is a very large O- 
 val Frame painted and carved in Imitation 
 of Gold, with a great thicknefs rifmg in 
 the infide to throw up the Figures to the 
 greater heighth ; the Oval is fattened to a 
 great Suffeat adorned with Rofes in Imi- 
 tation of Copper. The whole is fupport- 
 ed by eight gigantick Figures of Slaves, 
 four on each Side, as though they were 
 carved in Stone ; between the Figures, 
 thrown in Heaps into a covering, are all 
 manner of Maritime Trophies in Metzo- 
 relievo; as Anchors, Cables, Rudders, 
 Mafts, Sails, Blocks, Capitals, Sea-guns, 
 Sea-carriages, Boats, Pinnaces, Oars, 
 Stretchers, Colours, Enfigns, Pennants, 
 Drums, Trumpets, Bombs, Mortars, fmall 
 Arms, Granadoes, Powder Barrels, Fire 
 Arrows, grapIing-Trons, Crofs Staves, 
 Quadrants, Compafles, &c. All in Stone- 
 Colours, to give the greater Beauty to 
 the reft of the Cieling which is more fig- 
 nificant. A-
 
 N33. % The LOVER, 22$ 
 
 ABOUT the Oval in the infide 
 are placed the twelve Signs of the Zo- 
 diack, the fix northern Signs, as Artes 9 
 Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, are 
 placed on the North fide of the Oval ; and 
 the fix Southern Signs, as Libra, Scorpio, 
 Sagittarius, Cafricornus, Aquarius, Pijp 
 ces, are to the South, with three of them 
 in a Groupe which compofe one quarter 
 of the Year ; the Signs have their Attitudes, 
 * and their Draperies are varied and adapt- 
 ed to the Seafons they polTefs, as the cool, 
 the blue, and the tender green to the 
 Spring, the yellow to the Summer, and 
 the red and flame-Colour to the Dog Days 
 and Autumnal beafon, the white and cold 
 to the Winter; likewife the Fruits and 
 the Flowers of every Seafon as they fuc- 
 ceed each other. 
 
 I N the middle of the Oval are repre- 
 fented King William and Queen Mary, fit- 
 
 * Arie, c is of * turbulent Afpecl with littleWindt and Ruins hover- 
 ing about him his Drapery of a, blrmifh Green, flmdoveed tptth dark 
 Rujfet, to denote the Changeabhnefi of the Weather. April, or Tau- 
 rus, is more mild; May, or Gemini, in blue; June calm red ; 
 July more rfddiilj, and AS he leans upon his Lyon -vails a, little front 
 the Sun. Virgo almofl naked and flying from the Heat of the Sun, 
 L'bra in deep red; Scorpio vails himfelffrom the Scorching Sun in a 
 flume Coitur Mantle ; SngTrarius in red, left hot; December or 
 Capricorn, bltjeifljj Aquaria in a ivaterifr green; Pi fees in blue. 
 Over Aries Taurus, Gemini prefmles Flora j ever Cancer. Leo, 
 Virgo preJtjgsCertt- over Libra. Scrrpia. Sa^irtarius Bacchus; 
 and over "T-apicorn, Aquarius, Pifces, Hyems hovering over a brn- 
 r,tn Pot of Tire. 
 
 Q ting
 
 226 The LOVER. N 33. 
 
 ting on a Throne under a great Pavilion 
 or Purple Canopy, attended by the four 
 Cardinal Vertues, as Trudence^ Tempe- 
 rance. Fortitude and Juftke. 
 
 OVER the Queens Head is Concord 
 with the Fafees, at her Feet two Doves, 
 denoting mutual Concord and innocent 
 Agreement, with C#/>/^ holding the King's 
 Scepter, while he is prefenting 'Peace with 
 the Lamb and Olive Branch, and Liberty 
 exprefled by \.\\e Athenian Cap, to Europe, 
 who laying her Crowns at his Feet, re- 
 ceives them with an Air of Refpeft and 
 Gratitude. The King tramples Tyranny 
 under his Feet, which is expreft by a French 
 Perfonage, with his Leaden Crown falling 
 off, his Chains, Yo e and Iron Sword 
 broken to pieces, Cardinal's Cap, triple 
 crown'd Mitres, &c. tumbling down. Juft 
 beneath is Time bringing Truth to Light, 
 near which is a Figure of Architecture, 
 holding a large Drawing of part of the 
 Hofpital with the Cupola, and pointing 
 up to the Royal Founders, attended by 
 the little Genii of her Art. Beneath her 
 is Wifdom and Heroick Virtue^ reprefent- 
 ed by Pallas and Hercules, deitroyingy^*- 
 bition. Envy, Covetoufnefs, ^DetraElion^ 
 Calumny^ with other Vices, which feem 
 to fall to the Earth, the place of their 
 more natural Abode. 
 
 OVER the Royal Pavilion is fliewn at 
 a great heighth Afollo in his Golden Cha-
 
 N33- The LOVER. 227 
 
 riot, drawn by four white Horfes, attend- 
 ed by the Hor<e, and Morning Dews fal- 
 ling before him, going his Courfe through 
 the twelve Signs of the Zodiack, and from 
 him the whole Plafond or Cieling is en- 
 lightned. 
 
 EACH end of the Cieling is raifed in 
 Perfpeftive, with a Balluftrade and Elip- 
 tick Arches, fupported by Groupes of 
 Stone Figures, which form a Gallery of 
 the whole breadth of the Hall ; in the mid- 
 dle of which Gallery, (as tho'on the Stock) 
 going into the upper Hall, is feen in Per- 
 ipeftive the TafTeril of the Blenheim Mail 
 of War, with all her Galleries, Port-holes 
 open, &c. to one fide of which is a Fi- 
 gure of Vittory flying, with Spoils taken 
 from the Enemy, and putting them aboard 
 the Englifb Man of Mar Before the Ship 
 is a Figure reprefenting the City of London, 
 with the Arms, Sword and Cap of Main- 
 tenance, fupported by Thame and 7/r, 
 with other fmall Rivers offering up their 
 Treafures to her. The River Tine pour- 
 ing forth Sacks of Coals. In the Gallery 
 on each fide the Ship are the Arts and 
 Sciences that relate to Navigation, with 
 the great Archimedes many old Philofo- 
 phers confulting the Compafs, &c. 
 
 AT the other end, as you return out of 
 
 the Hall, is a Gallery in the fame manner, 
 
 in the middle of which is the Stern of a 
 
 a beau-
 
 228 The LOVER. N 33. 
 
 beautiful Gaily filled with Sfattijb Tro- 
 phies. Under which is the dumber with 
 his Pigs of Lead : The Severn, with the 
 Avon falling into her, with other lefler 
 Rivers. In the North end of the Gallery 
 is the famous Ticho Brake, that noble 'Da- 
 nijb Knight, and great Ornament of his 
 Profeflion and Human Nature ; near him 
 is Copernicus wit hhis Tythagorean Syftem 
 in his Hand ; next to him is an old Mathe- 
 matician holding a large Table, and on it 
 are defcribed two Principal Figures, of 
 the incomparable Sir Ifaac Newton, on 
 which many extraordinary things in that 
 Art are built. On the other end of the 
 Gallery, to the South, is our learned Mr. 
 flamftead, Reg. A (Iron. ProfeiT. witfc his 
 ingenious Difciple Mr. Tho. Weflon. In 
 Mr. Flamftead\ Hand is a large scroll of 
 Paper, on which is drawn the great E- 
 clipfe of the Sun that will happen on April 
 1715 ; near him is an old Man with 
 a Pendulum counting the Seconds of Time, 
 as Mr. Flamftead makes his Ohfervations 
 with his great Mural Arch and Tube on 
 the Defcent of the Moon on the Severn, 
 which at certain times form fuch a Roll of 
 the Tides as the Sailors corruptly call the 
 H'tgre, inftead of the Eager, and is very 
 dangerous to all Ships in its way. This is 
 alfo expreft by Rivers tumbling down by 
 the Moon's Influence into the Severn. In 
 
 this
 
 N 33- The L O V E R. 229 
 
 this Gallery are more Arts and Sciences 
 relating to Navigation. 
 
 ALL the great Rivers, at each end of 
 the Hall, have their proper Produci of 
 Fifh ifluing out of their Vafes. 
 
 I N the four great Angles of theCieling, 
 which are over the Arches of the Galle- 
 ries, are the four Elements, as Fire, Air* 
 Earth and Water, reprefented by Jupi- 
 ter* Juno, Cybele and Neptune, with their 
 lefler Deities accompanying, as Vulcan* 
 Iris, the Faunt, dmphitrite, with all their 
 proper Attitudes, 8te. 
 
 A T one end of the great Oval is a large 
 Figure of Fame defcending, riding on the 
 Winds, and founding forth the Praifes of 
 the Royal Pair. 
 
 ALL the Sides of the Hall are adorn- 
 ed with fluted Pillafters, Trophies of Shells, 
 Corals, Pearls; the Jambs of the Win- 
 dows ornamented with Rofes impannePd, 
 or the Opus reticulamium heightened with 
 green Gold. 
 
 THE whole raifes in the Spectator the 
 mod lively images of Glory and Viftorv, 
 and cannot be beheld without much Paffi- 
 on and Emotion. 
 
 N. B. Sir James Eateman was the firft 
 Propofer, and the firft Benefactor to this 
 Cieling. 
 
 Q 3 7hurfday 9
 
 2.JO The LOVER. N 
 
 34. 
 
 N 34. 'Ihurjdaj, May 13. 
 
 Waking Life appears a ^Dream. 
 
 Rofamond. 
 
 REPROACH is of all things the 
 mod painful to Lovers, efpecially 
 to Us of the Platonick kind ; this 
 makes it excelfively grievous to me, that 
 a Paper, tho' a very dull one, called, the 
 Monitor, accufes me of Writing obfcenely. 
 He is a flupid Fellow, and does not un- 
 derftand, that the fame Objeft, according 
 to the Artiil who reprefents it, may be 
 decent, or unfit to be looked at. Naked 
 Figures, by aMafterly Hand, are fo drawn, 
 fometimes, as to be incapable of exciting 
 Immodefl Thoughts. 1 have, in my Paper 
 of May the 6th, fpoken of an Amour that 
 owes its beginning, and makes it felf necef- 
 fary to be lawfully confummated, from 
 an Accident of a Lady's falling Topfie- 
 tiirvie: Upon which this heavy Rogue fays, 
 Is this fujftred in a Chriftian Country ?Yes 
 it is, and may very lawfully, but not when 
 fuch awkard Tools as he pretend to med- 
 dle with the fame Suhjeft: None but Per- 
 fons extremely well-bred ought to touch 
 
 Ladies
 
 N34- The LOVER. 231 
 
 Ladies Petticoats; but I aver, that I have 
 faid nothing to offend the moft Chad 
 and Delicate, and all who read that Paf- 
 fage may be very Innocent ; and the La ty 
 of the Story may be a very good Chrifti- 
 an, though (he did not in her Appearance 
 differ from an Heathen, when ihe fell up- 
 on her Head. We who follow Tlato, or 
 are engaged in the High Paffion, can fee 
 a Lady's Ankle with as much Indifference 
 as her Wnft: We are fo inwardly taken 
 up, that the lame Ideas do not fpring in 
 our Imaginations, as do withthe common 
 World; we are made gentle, foft, cour- 
 teous, and harmlefs, from the Force of 
 the belle Paffion; of which Coarfe Dunces, 
 with an Appetite for Women, like that 
 they have for Beef, have no Conception. 
 AS I gave an Account the other Day 
 of my paffing a Day at Greenwich with 
 much delight in beholding a Piece of Paint- 
 ing of Mr. 'Thornhill's, which is an Ho- 
 nour to our Nation ; I fliall now give an 
 Account of my puffing yefterday Morning, 
 an Hour before Dinner, in a Place where 
 People may go and be very well entertain- 
 ed, whether they have, or have not, a good 
 Tafte. They will certainly be well pleafed, 
 for they will have unavoidable Opportuni- 
 ties of feeing what they moft like, in the 
 moft various and agreeable Shapes and Po- 
 fitions, I mean their own dear felves. The 
 Q 4 Place
 
 232 The LOVER. ^'34. 
 
 Place I am going to mention is Mr. Gum- 
 fey^s Glafs-Gallery over the New Exchange. 
 1 little thought I mould ever in the Lover 
 have occafion to talk of inch a thing as 
 Trade; but when a Man walks in that 11- 
 luftrious Room, and reflects what incre- 
 dible Improvement our Artificers of En- 
 gland have made in Manufacture of Glafs 
 in thirty Years time, and can fuppofe fuch 
 an Alteration of our Affairs in other parts 
 of Commerce, it is demonftrable that the 
 Nations who are pofTefled of Mines of Gold , 
 are but Drudges to a People, whofe Arts 
 and Induilry, with other Advantages na- 
 tural to us, may make ic felf the Shop of 
 the World. We are arrived at fuch Per- 
 fection in this Ware, of which I amfpeak- 
 ing, that it is not in the Power of any Po- 
 tentate in Europe* to have fo beautiful a 
 Mirror as he may purchafe here for .a Trifle, 
 by all the Cofl and Charge that he can lay 
 out in his Dominions. It is a modeft Com- 
 putation, that England gains fifty thou- 
 fand Pounds a Year by exporting this Com- 
 modity for the Service of Foreign Nati- 
 ons : The whole owing to thelncjuifitive and 
 Mechanick, as well as liberal Genius of 
 the late Duke of Buckingham This pro- 
 digious fc'ffeft by the Art of Man, from 
 Parts of Nature that are as unlikely to pro- 
 duce it, as one would fuppofe a Man could 
 burn common Earth to a Tulip, opens a 
 
 Field
 
 LOVER. 233 
 
 Field of Contemplation which would lead 
 me too far from my Purpofe, which is 
 only to celebrate the agreeable Oeconomy 
 of placing the feveral Wares to bale, in 
 the Gallery of which I am talking. No 
 Imagination can work up a more pleafing 
 AiTemblage of beautiful things, to fet off 
 each other, than are here actually laid to- 
 gether. In the midft of the Walk are fet 
 in Order a long Row of rich Tables, on 
 many of which lie Cabinets inlaid or 
 wholly made of Corals, Conchs, Ambers, 
 or the like parts of Matter which Nature 
 feems to have formed wholly to mew the 
 Beauty of her Works, and to have thrown 
 and diftinguiihed from the Mafs of Earth 
 as me does by great Gifts and Endow- 
 ments thofe Spirits and Perfons of Men 
 and Women whom (lie defigns to make 
 Inftruments of great Confideration in the 
 Crowd of her People. When I walked 
 here, I could not but lament to my Com- 
 panion, that this Method was not taken 
 up when the Indian Kin^s were lately in 
 England. The Surprife fuch Appearances 
 as thefe would put them into, would have 
 been as great as a new Senfe added to one 
 of us. To fee the things about us fo placed, 
 as that three or four Perfons can to the 
 Eye, in an Inftant, become a large Aflem- 
 bly ! You cannot move or do any the lead in- 
 different Adion, in any Limb or part of your 
 
 Body,
 
 The LOVER; N 34 . 
 
 Body, but you vary the Scene around with 
 additional Plealure: Among other C rcum- 
 flances, I could not but be pkafed to fee a 
 Lap-Dog at a Lofs, for an inilant, forhis 
 Lady, and beginning o run to the Image of 
 her in a Glais, till he was driven back by him- 
 felf, whom he faw running towards him. 
 The poor Animal correfted hisMittake, by 
 tracing her Footfteps by hisSenfe lefs fubjeci 
 to Miitake, and arrived at her Feet, to the 
 no imall Diverfion of the Company w ho 
 faw it, and the Envy of feveral fine 
 Gentlemen, whom the odd Accident di- 
 verted from looking at themfelves, to be- 
 hold the beauteous Bellamira. 
 
 IT would be an Arrogance to pretend, 
 to convey diilinftly by the Ear, a Pleafure 
 that fliould come in at the Eye ; but my 
 gentle Reader will thank me for many 
 pleafing Thoughts he or me had not ever 
 had before, in a Place more new than he 
 could arrive at by landing in a Foreign 
 Nacion. About forty Years ago it was 
 the Fafhi 'n for all the Gallants of the 
 Town, the Wits and the Braves 3 to walk 
 in the New Exchange below, to mew 
 themfelveSo What an Happinefs have thofe 
 whofe Fortunes and Humours are capable 
 of receiving Gratifications in this Place, 
 that fuch a Scene was difplayed in their 
 Life-time! The Learned have not more 
 Reafon to rejoice, that they live in the 
 
 fame
 
 N 35-. The LOVER. 235 
 
 fame Days with Newton, than the Gay, 
 the Delicate, and the Curious in Luxury 
 ofDrefs and Furniture have, that there 
 has appeared in their time my honeft Friend 
 and polite Diredor of Artificers, Mr. Gum- 
 ley. 
 
 N 3 $ . Saturday , May 1 5 . 
 
 ' *tts confefti 
 
 Ihe Men who flatter higheft* fleafe us beft. 
 Helen to Paris, Ovid'* Efi/lles. 
 
 I Shall make the following Letters the 
 Entertainment of this Day, and recom- 
 mend the Contents of the firfl in a 
 more particular manner to theferiousCon- 
 fideration of all my Female Readers. 
 
 *Dear MARMADUKE, 
 4 f ~p l HO ) you have treated the Fair Sex 
 *- < with an Air ofDiftindion fuitable 
 to theCharadler you bear, I prefumeyou 
 will make no Scruple to admonifh them 
 of any Faults, by the Amendment of 
 which they may ftill become more amia- 
 ble. What I complain to you of, is 
 from my own Experience. My Cafe is 
 this.
 
 236 The LOVER. N'af. 
 
 MI RANT) A is in the bloom of Six- 
 
 < teen, and ihmes in all the Beauties of her 
 ' bex Her Face, her Sh-tpe, her Mein, 
 her Wit, furprile and engage all who 
 have the Happinefs to know her. Mi- 
 randa i^> the Idol of my Hea t, the Ob- 
 jeti of all my Hope's and Fears. None 
 of her Actions are indifferent to me. E- 
 
 * very Look and Motion gives me either 
 Pleafure or Pain. 1 have omitted no rea- 
 fonable Methods to convince her of the 
 4 Greatnefs of my Paffion yet as ihe is 
 one with whom 1 propofe to pafs the 
 Remainder of my Life, I cannot forbear 
 
 * mixing the Sincerity of the Friend with 
 the Tendemefs of the Lover. In ftiort, 
 c Sir, f am one ofthofe unfortunace Men, 
 4 who think young Women ought to be 
 
 * treated like Rational Creatures. 1 for- 
 
 < bear therefore to launch out into all the 
 ufual F.x .efles of Fla ttery and Romance ; 
 
 * to make her a Goddefs, and my felf a 
 Madman ; to give up all my Senfes and 
 Reafon to be moulded and informed as 
 
 * fhe thinks proper. 
 
 F R O M hence arife all our DifTe- 
 
 * renoes Miranda is one of thofe fa/hio 
 ' nable Ladies, who, expefting an impli- 
 
 * cit Faith from their Admirers, are im- 
 c patient and affronted at the lead (hew of 
 ' Contradiction. 
 
 AS
 
 ^- The LOVER. 237 
 
 c AS fhe was lately reading the Works 
 of a celebrated Author, who has thought 
 fie to reprefent hirnfelf in his Writings 
 under the Character of an old Man, (he 
 was pleafed to obferve, that it was very 
 uncommon to fee a Perfon at Fourfcore 
 have fo lively a Fancy, and fo brisk an 
 Imagination. I could not help inform- 
 ing her upon this Occafion, that I had 
 frequently had the Honour to Drink a 
 Glafs with the Gentleman, and that to 
 my certain Knowledge he was not yet 
 turned of Forty. Jnftead of thanking 
 me for fetting her right in this particu- 
 lar, (he immediately took Fire, and ask- 
 ed me with a Frown, Whether that was 
 my Breeding to contradict a Lady? You 
 muft know, Sir, this Queftun ufually 
 puts an end to all our Difputes. A little 
 while after (lie defired my Opinion of 
 her Lap-dog, and I had no fooner un- 
 fortunately obferved, that his Ears were 
 fomewhatof the (hortett, than (he round- 
 ly asked me, Whether I defigned that for 
 a Compliment? I took the freedom from 
 hence, in an honed plain way, to expofe 
 the Weaknefs and Folly of being delight- 
 ed with Flattery, to tell her that La Hes 
 ought not always to be c >mp!imented, 
 to enumente the Inconveniences it of- 
 ten leads them into, to make her fenfi- 
 ble of the ill Defigns Men generally aim 
 
 at
 
 238 The LOVER. N 3^ 
 
 at by it, and the mean Opinion theymuft 
 entertain of thofewho are delighted with 
 it. All this would not do; 1 could not 
 get one kind Look from her thatNi^ht. 
 ' I have told you already, that I have 
 ufed all reafonable Methods to convince 
 her of my Paffion, and I am fure I have 
 the Preference in her Efteem to all o- 
 ther Pretenders. She knows I love, and, 
 in fpight of all her Arts to hide it, I 
 know I am beloved : Yet, from thefe 
 little Differences, and a certain Coquet 
 Humour which makes her delight to fee 
 her Lover uneafie, tho'at the fame time 
 fhe torments her felf, 1 have often de- 
 fpaired of our ever coming together. I 
 thought however the following Verfes, 
 which I prefented to her \eflerday, 
 made fome Impreffion on her; and if flie 
 fees you think them tolerable enough to 
 allow them a Place in your Paper, I am 
 in hopes they may help to haften the 
 happy Day. 
 
 Tell me, Miranda, why fhould I 
 Lament and languifh^ fine and diet 
 While you, regardlefs of my Tain, 
 Seem pleased to hear your Slave complain.
 
 The LOVE R. 239 
 H. 
 
 Eve, unskilled in Female Arts 
 And modern ways of tort* ring Hearts, 
 No fooner faw her Spark than lov'd, 
 Conjefs'd her Flame, and his approved. 
 
 III. 
 
 Nature ftill breaks through all ^Difguife, 
 Glows in your Cheeks, and rules your Eyes. 
 Love trembles in your Hands and He 'art 9 
 Tour panting Breafls proclaim his *Dart. 
 
 IV. 
 
 No more, Miranda, then be coy, 
 No longer keep us both from joy; 
 No longer fludy to conceal 
 What all your Actions thus reveal. 
 
 I am, Dear Marmaduke, 
 Your mofl Obedient Humble Servant. 
 
 Mr. MYRTLE, 
 
 c T Send you the enclofed Letter, which 
 * * I have lately received from a young 
 c Templar who is my Humble Servant. I 
 ' defireyou would inform me, whether 
 * what he aiTerts be Law or Equity. His 
 c Letter runs thus. 
 
 Madam, 
 
 cc T-J APPENING lately to be in Com- 
 ** pany with a venerable Lady who 
 
 " has
 
 24O The L O V E R^ N 35-. 
 
 c< has a very large Fortune, Iwasfocom- 
 " plaifant to ask her if me would allow me 
 " to do her the Honour to make her a 
 " Wife? bhe was fo kind to ask me again, 
 " whether 1 was in jeft or earned? Upon 
 " my repeating the Queftion, fhe return- 
 " ed my Civility, and told me, fhe thought 
 " I was mad. But upon my third Appli- 
 " cation ihe confented, that is, fhe told 
 " me pofitively ihe would never have me. 
 " This 1 take for an abfolute Promife, 
 " having been frequently informed, that 
 " VV omens Anfwers in fuch Cafes are to 
 " be interpreted backwards. 
 
 " I have confulted a Prodor m'Doftors 
 " Commons, who feems to be of Opinion, 
 " that it has the full Force of a Contraft, 
 " and that (having Witnefs of it) I might 
 " recover half her Fortune, Ihould iheof- 
 c< fer to marry any one elfe. 
 
 " I mention this, Madam, not only to 
 " let you fee that I can have the fame En- 
 <c couragement elfewhere which you give 
 *' me, but to admoniih you how much 
 <c Care you ought to take of promifing 
 " any other Man Maraiage, by declaring 
 " pofitively that you will never have him, 
 " except 
 
 Tour mofl Obedient* Humble Servant, 
 Tom. Truelove. 
 
 Tuefday,
 
 The LOVER* 241 
 
 N e 36. Tuefday, May 18. 
 
 Concubltu frohibere vago Hor. 
 
 I Have heard it objected, by feveral 
 Perfons, againft my Papers, that they 
 are apt to kindle Love in young Hearts, 
 and inflame the Sexes with a Defire for one 
 another: I am fo far from denying this 
 Charge, that I fliall make no Scruple to 
 own it is the chief End of my Writing. 
 Love is a Paffionof the Mind (perhaps the 
 noblefl) which was planted in it by the 
 fame Hand that created it. We ought to 
 be fo far, therefore, from endeavouring 
 to root it out, that we mould rather make 
 it our Bufmefsto keep it up and cherifli it. 
 Our chief Care muft be to fix this, as well 
 as our other Paffions, upon proper Objects, 
 and to direcl it to a right End. 
 
 FOR this Reafon,as 1 have everfhewn 
 my felf a Friend to Honourable Love, I 
 have conitantly difcountenanced all vici- 
 ous Paffions. Tho' the feveral Sorts of 
 thefe are each of them highly Criminal, yet 
 that which leads us to defile another Man's 
 Bed is by far of the blackeft dye. 
 
 K THE
 
 242 Tfe LOVER. N & 
 
 THE excellent Author of The whole 
 'Duty of Matt, has given us a very lively 
 Pifture of this Crime, with all thofe me- 
 lancholly Circumftances that mull neceffa- 
 rily attend it. One muft indeed wonder 
 to fee it punilhed fo lightly among civi- 
 lized Nations, when even the moft Bar- 
 barous have regarded it with the utmoft 
 Horror and Deteitation. I was lately en- 
 tertained with a Story to this Purpofe, 
 which was told me by one of my Friends 
 who was himfelf upon the Place when the 
 thing happened. 
 
 IN an Out-Plantation, upon the Bor- 
 ders of Totuxen a River in Maryland, there 
 lived a Planter, who was Matter of a great 
 Number of Negro Slaves. The Increafe 
 of thefe poor Creatures is always an Ad- 
 vantage to the Planters, their Children 
 being born Slaves; for which Reafonthe 
 Owners are very well pleafed, when any 
 of them marry. Among thefe Negroes 
 there happened to be two; who had al- 
 ways lived together and contracted an in- 
 timate Friendfhip, which went on for fe- 
 veral Years in an uninterrupted Courfe. 
 Their Joys and their Griefs were mutual ; 
 their Confidence in each other was intire; 
 Diftruft and Sufpieion were Paffions they 
 had no Notion of. The one was a Batche- 
 lor; the other married to a Slave of his 
 own Complexion, by whom he had feve- 
 
 ral
 
 N36. The LOVER. 24.3 
 
 ral Children. It happened that the Head 
 of this fmall Family rofe early one Morn- 
 ing, on a leifure Day, to go far into the 
 Woods a hunting, in order to entertain 
 his Wife and Children at Night withfome 
 Provifions better than ordinary. The 
 Batchelor Slave, it feems, had for a long 
 time entertained a Paffionfor his Friend's 
 Wife ; which, from the Sequel of the Sto- 
 ry, we may conclude, he had endeavour- 
 ed to ftifle, but in vain. The Impatience 
 of his Defires prompted him to take this 
 Opportunity, of the Husband's Abfence, 
 to pradife upon the Weaknefs of the'Wo- 
 man; which accordingly he did, and was 
 fo unfortunate as to fucceed in his At- 
 tempt. The Hunter, who found his Prey 
 much nearer home than ufual, returned 
 fome Hours fooner than was expeded, 
 loaden with the Spoils of the Day, and 
 full of the pleafing Thoughts of feafting 
 and rejoycing, with his Family, over the 
 Fruits of his Labour. Upon hisentringhis 
 Shed, thefirft Objects that flruck his Eyes 
 were, his Wife and his Friend aileep in 
 the Embraces of each other. A Man ac- 
 quainted with the Paffions of human Na- 
 ture will eafily conceive the Aftonifhment, 
 the Rage, and the Defpair, that over- 
 power'd the poor Indian at once: Heburfl 
 out into Lamentations and Reproaches ; 
 and tore his Hair like one Diitraded. His 
 R ^ ^ Cries
 
 244- T/^ LOVER. N' 3*. 
 
 Cries and broken Accents awakened the 
 guilty Couple; whofe Shame and Confu- 
 fion were equal to the Agonies of the in- 
 jured. After a confiderahle Paufe of Si- 
 lence on both Sides, he expoftulated with 
 his Friend in Terms like thefe : My Wrongs 
 are greater than I am able to exprefs ; and 
 far too great for me to bear. My Wife 
 
 But I blame not her. After a long 
 
 and lading Friendfhip, exercifed under all 
 the Hardships and Severities of a moftirk- 
 fome Captivity ; after mutual repeated In- 
 ftances of Affeftion and Fidelity; could I 
 fufpecl my Friend, my bofom-Friend 
 ihould prove a Traitor? I thought myfelf 
 happy, even in Bondage, in the Enjoy- 
 ment of fuch a Friend and fuch a Wife; 
 but cannot bear the Thoughts of Life with 
 Liberty, after having been fo bafely be- 
 trayed by both. You both are loft to me, 
 and I to you. I foon fhall be at Reft ; live 
 and enjoy your Crime. Adieu. Having 
 faid this, he turned away and went out, 
 with a Refolution to dye immediately. The 
 guilty Negro followed him, touched with 
 the quickeft Senfe of Remorfe for his 
 Treachery. 'Tis I alone, (faid he) that 
 am guilty; and I alone, who am not fit to 
 live. Let me intreat you to forgive your 
 \V ife, who was overcome by my Impor- 
 tunities. I promife never to give either 
 of you the leaft Difquiet for the future: 
 
 Live
 
 N36. The L O VER. 24.$ 
 
 Live and be happy together, and think of 
 me no more. Bear with me but for this 
 Night ; and to Morrow you (hall be fatisfied. 
 Here they both wept, and parted. When 
 the Husband went out in the Morning to 
 his Work, the firft thing he law was his 
 Friend hanging upon the Bough of a Tree 
 before the Cabbin-Door. 
 
 IF the Wretches of this Nation, who 
 fet up for Men of Wit and Gallantry, were 
 capable of feeling the generous Remorfe 
 of this poor Slave, upon the like Occafi- 
 ons, we mould, I fear, have a much thin- 
 ner appearance of Equipage in Town. 
 
 ME THINKS there ihould be a ge- 
 neral Confederacy amongll all honeft Men 
 to exclude from Society, and to Brand 
 with the blackefl Note of Infamy, thofe 
 Mifcreants, who make it the Bufinefs of 
 their Lives to get into Families, and to 
 eftrange the Affediqns of the Wife from 
 the Husband. There is fomething fo ve- 
 ry bafe and fo Inhuman in this rnodifli 
 Wickednefs, that one cannot help wifti- 
 ing the honeft Liberty of the Ancient Co- 
 medy were reilor'd; and that Offenders in 
 this kind might be expofed by their Names 
 in our publick Theatres. Under fuch a 
 Difcipline, we fhould fee thofe who now 
 Glory in the Ruin of deluded Women, 
 reduced to withdraw thernfelves from the 
 R 3 juft
 
 246 The LOVER. K 37- 
 
 juft Refentments of their Country-men 
 
 and Fellow-Citizens. 
 
 - Thurfday, May 20. 
 
 What Pains / 'what racking thoughts be proves, 
 Who lives removed from her he loves. Congreve. 
 
 MY own unhappy Paffion for Mrs, 
 Tage has made me extremely fen- 
 fible of all the DiflrefTes occafion- 
 ed by Love. I have often reflected what 
 could be the Caufe, that while we fee the 
 mod worthlefs part of Mankind every Day 
 fucceeding in their Attempts, while we 
 fee thofe Wretches whofe Hearts are ut- 
 terly incapable of this noble Paflion, appear 
 flupid and fenfelefs amidft the CarefTes of 
 the Fair ; we cannot but obferve, that the 
 nobleil and greatelt Flames which have 
 been kindled in the Breads of Men of 
 Senfe and Merit, have feldom met with 
 a due Return. 
 
 AS the Thoughts of thofe who have 
 been throughly in Love are frequently 
 wild and extravagant, I have been fome- 
 times tempted to think, that Providence, 
 never defigningwe ihouldfixour thoughts 
 of Happinefs altogether here, will not al- 
 low
 
 N37- The LOVER. 247 
 
 low us to tafte fo large a Share of it as we 
 mult neceffarily do in the Enjoyment of 
 an Objed: on which all the Paffions of our 
 Soul have been placed, and to which all 
 the Faculties of our Mind have been long 
 afpiring 
 
 IT is certain, however, that without 
 having Recourfe to a fuperior Power, there 
 are feveral Accidents which naturally hap- 
 pen on thefe Occafions, and from whence 
 we may generally give a pretty good Ac* 
 coun: why the greateft Pallions are ufually 
 unfuccefsful. It has been long fmce ob- 
 ferved by a celebrated French Writer, that 
 it is much eafier for a Man to fucceed 
 who only feigns a Paflion, than for one 
 who is truly and defperately in Love. 
 The firft is ftill Mailer of himfelf, and can 
 watch all the Turns and Revolutions in 
 the Temper of her whom he would en- 
 gage. The latter is too much taken up 
 with his own Paffion to attend any thing 
 elfe: It is with difficulty he can even per- 
 fwade himfelf to fpeak, when he finds e- 
 very thing he can fay fo fhort of what he 
 feels, and that his Conceptions are too ten- 
 der to be exprefled by Words. The Fair, 
 generally fpeaking,are not furficientlyfen- 
 fible of the Value they ought to put upon 
 fuch a Paflion, nor confider how ftrong 
 that Love mufl be which (hall throw the 
 moil Eloquent into the utmoft Confufion 
 R 4 be-
 
 248 The LOVER. N 37. 
 
 before them. Flavia is an unhappy In- 
 fiance of what lam obferving; ine was 
 courted at once by Tom Trifle , and Ofla- 
 vio; the firlt could entertain her with his 
 Love, with the fame Indifference he talk- 
 ed on any other Occafion, and with great 
 Serenity of Mind make a Digreffion from 
 what he was faying, either to play with 
 her Lap-dog, or give his Opinion of a Suit 
 of Knots. O&tori, when Fortune favour- 
 ed him with an Opportunity of declaring 
 himfelf, was often {truck Speechlefs in the 
 midft of a Sentence, and could for fome 
 time exprefs himfelf no other way than by 
 prefling her Hand and dropping a Tear. 
 Flavia having duly weighed the Merit of 
 both, married Trifle. His Unkindnefs to 
 her after Marriage, his Inability for any 
 thing of Bufmefs, and Carelefsnefs in rela- 
 tion to his Fortune, foon plunged her in- 
 to fo many unhappy Circumltances, that 
 ihe had long fince funk under the weight 
 of them, had flie not been conttantly fup- 
 ported by the Intereitand Affiitance of the 
 generous Offavh. 
 
 BUT befides theReafonsI have already 
 affigned for the ill Succefs of the mod de- 
 ferving Paffions, there is one which I mull 
 not omit. It is the Unhappinefs of too many 
 Women of Fortune and Merit (from a di- 
 ftruil of their own Judgment) to fubmit 
 themfelves entirely to the Direction of o-
 
 N3/ The LOVER. 249 
 
 tbers, and rely too much on thofe Friend- 
 ihips they have contra&ed with fome of 
 their own Sex. Thefe Female Acquaintance 
 either immediately form fome Defign of 
 their own upon them, in order to accom- 
 pli ih which every other Propofal is dif- 
 couraged, or from a Spice of Envy, too 
 incident to the Sex, cannot endure to fee 
 them ardently beloved, or think of hav- 
 ing them pafs their Days in the Arms of 
 a Man who they are fenfible would make 
 it the Bufmefs of his Life to oblige them. 
 I have been led more particularly into 
 the Subject of my prefent Paper, by the 
 unhappy Paffion of poor Thilander. Thi- 
 lander^ tho' of an Age which the greateil 
 part of our Youth think fit to wafte in all 
 the ExceiTes of Luxury and Debauchery, 
 has laid it out in furniming his Mind with 
 the mod noble and manly Notions of Wif- 
 dom and Virtue. He has not at the fame 
 time forgot to make himfelf Mafter of all 
 thofe little Accomplifhments which the 
 Polite have agreed to think neceflary for a 
 well-bred Man ; and is equally qualified 
 for the moil important Affairs, or the moil 
 gay Converfation. A perfeft Knowledge 
 of the World has made him for a long time 
 look with the utmoft Contempt on that 
 infipid part of the Female Sex, who are 
 skilled in nothing but Drefs and Vanity. 
 His Heart remained untouched amidil a 
 
 thou-
 
 250 The LOVER. N 37 . 
 
 thoufand Beauties, till a particular Acci- 
 dent rirft brought him to the Knowledge 
 of the lovely, the virtuous Emilia Emi- 
 lia, with a Fortune that might command 
 the Vanities of Life, has fhewn that fhe has 
 a Mind infinitely above them Her Beau- 
 ty ferves but as the Varnifh to her Virtues, 
 while with a graceful Innocence peculiar 
 to her, (he declares, that if ever fhe be- 
 comes a Wife, fhe has no Ambition to be 
 a Gawdy Slave, but fhall prefer fubftanti- 
 al Happinefs to empty Shew. Thilander 
 faw and loved her with a Paflion equal to 
 fo much Defert : His Birth and Fortune 
 muft have entitled him atleaftto a favour- 
 able hearing, had not his Love given the 
 Alarm to the Defigns of a She Friend. 
 There is fomething at all times highly bar- 
 barous in afperfing the abfent, even where 
 the Cafe is doubtful ; but the malicious 
 Creature, who takes it upon her to be E- 
 milias Direftrefs, is foolifh enough to 
 charge ^Philander with being deficient in 
 thofe very things for which he is more re- 
 markably confpicuous: As I am a conitant 
 Patron to virtuous Love, I am in hopes 
 however, that mould this Paper reach E- 
 milia, fhe will be fo juft to her felf, to be 
 her own Judge in a Caufe of this Confe- 
 quence; fince, as a celebrated Author ob- 
 ferves, it is very certain, that a generous 
 and conilant Paflion, in an agreeable Lo- 
 ver,
 
 N*37. The LOVER. 251 
 
 ver, is the greateft BlefTing that can hap- 
 pen to the moft deferving of her Sex ; and 
 if overlooked in one, may perhaps never af- 
 ter be found in another. 
 
 N 38. Saturday, May 22. 
 
 $ crib ere JuJJit Amor. Ovid . 
 
 I Shall make this Paper confift of one or 
 two Letters. The firft is from Thi- 
 lander to Emilia^ but was probably in- 
 tercepted by the Good-natured Direftrefs 
 whom I mentioned in my laft. There is 
 fo much Love and Sincerity through the 
 whole, as muft have affefted the moft 
 flubborn Temper. 
 
 Philander to Emilia. 
 
 Madam, 
 
 you judge of my Paflion only by 
 ' what I faid, when I had laft the 
 Honour to fee you, you very much in- 
 jure a Heart like mine, that is filled with 
 Sentiments too lively, too tender to be 
 exprefled. I hardly know indeed what 
 I faid. What I very well remember is, 
 that I was all Love and all Confufion, 
 
 that
 
 252 The LOVER. N 3 2. 
 
 that I found it more difficult to fpeak 
 
 * before the Woman J was born to admire, 
 
 * than I have formerly done before the 
 largeft Aflemblies. 
 
 AT the fame time I muft confefs, I 
 ' was nor a little amazed at being fo often 
 
 * interrupted by a Creature, whom the 
 
 * moft common Rules of Civility ought 
 
 * to have kept at a much greater Diftance. 
 I muft own, Madam, I was perfectly at 
 a Lofs how to behave my felf on fuch 
 an Occafion, and whether I ought to ftifle 
 
 * my Refentments, or give way to them, 
 
 * while I was fo near a Perfon whom I had 
 
 < rather die than offend. 
 
 A S to the bufmefs of Fortune between 
 
 * us, I have no other Propofal to make, 
 but that I may put my whole Eftate into 
 the Hands of your Council, to be fet- 
 tied after any manner which you think 
 
 < will make you moft eafie. I hope I have 
 *' long fince refolved that my Carriage fhall 
 be fuch, if ever I have the Honour to be 
 c called your Husband, as (hall unite our 
 
 * Interefts by the fureft Tie, I mean that 
 f of Affettion. Give me leave to affure 
 4 you, Madam, with a Freedom which I 
 
 * think my felf obliged to ufeon fo ferious 
 
 * an Occafion, that even as beautiful as 
 
 * you are, I could never be contented with 
 your Perfon without your Heart. All I 
 
 < defire is, that I may have leave to try if 
 
 * my
 
 38. The LOVER. 2$3 
 
 my utmoft Endeavours to pleafe and de- 
 ferve you, can make any Impreffion on it. 
 I only beg I may be allowed to explain 
 my felf at large on this Head, though at 
 the fame time, to confefs the Truth, 
 Madam, I cannot help entertaining a 
 vain Hope, that Providence had a much 
 more than ordinary Influence in my firft 
 feeing you, and that I fliall aft with fo 
 much Truth and Sincerity in myPreten- 
 fions to you, as may poffibly move you 
 to think, that tho' I can never fully de- 
 ferve you, 1 am much too fincere to be 
 flighted. Vouchfafe, Madam, to hear 
 me, and either root out this foolifh No- 
 tion by a frank and generous Denial, or 
 blefs we with an Opportunity of dedica- 
 ting my whole Life to your Service, and 
 doing whatever the Heart of Man can 
 be infpired with, when it is filled at 
 once with Gratitude and Love. I am, 
 
 Madam, 
 
 With infinite Yaffion, 
 
 Tour mofl ^Devoted, 
 Mofl Obedient, Humble Servant * &c. 
 
 THE next Letter was fent me lad 
 Week by a Lady whofe Cafe is truly de- 
 plorable, if it is really fuch as flie here re- 
 
 prefents
 
 254 The LOVER. N? 3 8, 
 
 prefents it. I fliall infert it, as ftie defires, 
 for the fake of the Moral at the end of it. 
 
 T 
 * 
 
 Am perhaps the mod unfortunate Wo- 
 ' man living. My Story in lliort is 
 this. Cmthio - Pardon thofe Tears 
 that will fall upon this Paper at the fight 
 of his Name -- 1 would tell you that I 
 was long and paffionately beloved by him 
 - But how can I defcribe the Great- 
 
 nefs, the Sincerity of his Paffion! What 
 Pains did he not take? What Method 
 did he omit to fliew how much he va- 
 lued me? I muft have been the worft,the 
 moll foolifh of my Sex, to have been in- 
 fenfible to fo much Truth and Merit. I 
 loved the dear, the unhappy Youth, 
 with a Paffion not inferior to his own ; 
 but out of a foolifh Referve,which our filly 
 Sex feldom know when they ought to 
 keep up, and when lay afide, I rather 
 chofe to receive his MelTages, and fend 
 him his Anfwers, by a Female Confident, 
 than to fee him my felf *Doria (for fo 
 I fliall call the Wretch) had long been a 
 common Friend to us both ; fhe had a 
 thoufand times talked to me of Cmthio 
 with all thofe Praifes he fo truly deferv- 
 ed ; when one Day ihe came to me, and 
 with a feeming Anguiih of Mind told me, 
 that Cmthio was the worfl of Men, and 
 
 < had
 
 38. The LOVE R: 25$ 
 
 h ad bafely betrayed me. It would be too 
 tedious to give you an Account of the 
 Facl fhe charged him with. I ihali only 
 inform you, that there happened at that 
 time to be fo many unlucky Circum- 
 (hnces, which made what flie had told 
 me look like Truth, that I could not 
 help believing her. She found the way 
 to work up my Paffion to fuch a height, 
 that I made a Vow never to fee him or 
 receive a MefTage from him more ; and 
 within a Fortnight after, by her In- 
 ftigation, took a Man for my Husband 
 whom I could neither Love nor Hate. 
 I was no fooner Married, than I was ful- 
 ly convinced myC/#^/0hadbeen abufed. 
 After I had for fome Days endured the 
 fliarpeft Pangs of Rage, Defpair, Jealou- 
 fie and Love, I compofed my felf jufte- 
 nough to fend him word that I was fatis- 
 fied of his Innocence; but conjured him, 
 if he had ever loved, to avoid feeing me. 
 I was this Afternoon obliged to go to a 
 near Relation's. The firft Perfon I fix- 
 ed my Eyes on when I came into the 
 Room was Cinthio^ who immediately 
 burft into a Flood of Tears, made a low 
 Bow, and retired. 
 
 * I had much ado to forbear Fainting, 
 but am got home, and am this moment 
 enduring fuch Torments as no Words can 
 give a Notion of. I am undone ; but be- 
 
 fore
 
 256 The LOVER: N 3 &. 
 
 * fore my Senfes are quite loft, I fend you 
 this, that it may for the future be ob- 
 ferved as a conilant Rule by my unhap- 
 py Sex, Never to condemn a Lover , how- 
 ever guilty he may at frft appear , till 
 they have at leaft given him an Opportu- 
 nity ofjuftifying htmfelf. 
 1 am, SIR, 
 
 The moft unhappy of Women. 
 
 <P. S. c 1 had like to have omitted in- 
 forming you, that when I fent a Letter, 
 * in the Anguifhof my Soul, to the Wretch 
 ' above defcribed, to defirel might know 
 why Ihe had ruined me, I received the 
 c following Anfwer. 
 
 *Dear Jenny, 
 
 ccT^HK Fellow you mention talked fo 
 -* " perpetually about you, and took 
 " fo little Notice of any Body elfe, that I 
 " could at laft no longer endure him. I 
 " plainly forefaw, that if you had ever 
 " come together, you would have been 
 " Company for none but your felves; for 
 " which Reafon I took Care to have you 
 " marry a Man with whom, if I am not 
 " midaken, you may live as other Wo- 
 " men generally do with their Husbands. 
 
 Tours, &c. 
 
 Tuefday,
 
 N39-' The LOVER. 257 
 
 N39. Tuefday, May 25. 
 
 Nee Verbum Verbo curabis redder e fidus 
 Interfres Hor. 
 
 SINCE I have given Publick Notice 
 of my Abode, ihave had many Vifits 
 from unfortunate Fellow-Sufferers 
 who have been crofTed in Love as well as 
 my felf. 
 
 WILL. WORMWOOT), who is re- 
 lated to me by my Mother's fide, is one 
 of thofe who often repair to me for my 
 Advice. Will, is a Fellow of good Senfe, 
 but puts it to little other ufe than to tor- 
 ment himfelf. He is a Man of fo refined 
 an Underflanding , that he can fet a Con- 
 flruclion upon every thing to his own dif- 
 advantage, and turn even a Civility into 
 an Affront. He groans under imaginary 
 Injuries, finds himfelf abufed by his Friends, 
 ,and fancies the whole World in a kind of 
 Combination againll him. In fhort, poor 
 Wormwoods devoured with the Spleen: 
 You may be fure a Man of this Humour 
 makes a very whimfical Lover. Be that 
 as it will, he is now over Head and Ears 
 in that Paffion, and by a very curious In- 
 S terpretation
 
 258 The LOVER. N39 : 
 
 terpretation of his Miftrefs's Behaviour, 
 has in lefsthan three Months reduced him- 
 felf to a perfect Skeleton. As her For- 
 tune is inferior to his, me gives him all 
 the Encouragement another Man could 
 wifli, but has the Mortification to find 
 that her Lover (till Sowers upon her Hands. 
 Will, is difTatisfied with her, whether me 
 Smiles or Frowns upon him ; and always 
 thinks her either too referved, or too com- 
 ing. "A kind Word, that would make a- 
 nother Lover's Heart dance for Joy, pangs 
 poor Will, and makes him lie awake all 
 
 Night As I was going on with Will. 
 
 Wormwood's Amour, I received a Prefenc 
 from my Bookfeller, which I found to be 
 The Characters of Theophraftus, Tran- 
 ilated from the Greek into Englijh by Mr. 
 BudgelL 
 
 IT was with me, as I believe it will be 
 with all who look into this Tranflation; 
 when I had begun to perufe it, I could 
 not lay it by, till I had gone thro 7 the 
 whole Book ; and was agreeably furprifed 
 to meet with a Chapter in it, Entitled, A 
 ^Difcontented Temper p , which gives a live-, 
 lier Pifture of my Coufm Wormwood* than 
 that which I was drawing for him my felf. 
 It is as follows, 
 
 CHAP.
 
 The LOVER. 
 
 CHAP. XVII. 
 
 A T>ifcontented Temper. 
 
 * A Difcontetued Temper, is A frame 
 of Mm d which fets a Man uponComplain- 
 ing without reafon. When orte of his 
 Neighbours who makes an Entertain- 
 menr, fends a Servant to him with a 
 Plate of any thing that is Nice, What* 
 fays he, your Mafter did not think me 
 good enough to ^Dine with him ? He com- 
 plains of his MUlrefs at the very timefhe 
 is careffing him ; and when fhe redou- 
 bles her Kifles and Endearments, Iwijh* 
 fays he, all this came from your Heart. 
 In a dry Seafon he grumbles for want of 
 Rain, and when a Shower falls, mutters 
 to himfelf, Why could not this have come 
 fooner? If he happens to find a Purfe of 
 Mony, Had it been a *Pot of Gold, fays 
 he, it would have been worth ft ooping for* 
 He takes a great deal of pains to beat 
 down the Price of a Slave; and after he 
 has paid his Money for him, 7 am fur e* 
 fays he, Thou art good for nothing, or I 
 Jhould not have had thee Jo cheap. When 
 a MefTenger comes with great J^y to ac- 
 quaint him that his Wife is brought to Bed 
 of a Son, he anfvvers, That is as much as 
 to fay, ' Friend, I am poorer by hatflo day 
 than! was Te ft er day. Tho' he has gain'd
 
 260 The LOVER. N 39- 
 
 Caufe with full Cofts and Damages, he 
 
 complains that his Council did not infill 
 
 upon the moft material Points. If after 
 
 any Misfortune has befallen him, his 
 
 Friends raife a voluntary Contribution 
 
 for him, and defire him to be Merry, 
 
 ' How is that poffible, fays he, when 1 am 
 
 4 to fay every one of you bis Money again, 
 
 < and be obliged to you into the bargain ? 
 
 THE Inftances of a Difcontented Tem- 
 per which 'Iheofhraflus has here made ufe 
 of, like thofe which he fingles out to illu- 
 itrate the reft of his Characters, arechofen 
 with the greateft Nicety, and full of Hu- 
 mour. His Strokes are always fine and ex- 
 quitite, and tho' they are not fometimes 
 violent enough to affect the Imagination of 
 a courfe Reader, cannot but give the high- 
 eft Pleafure to every Man of a refined Talte, 
 who has a thorough Infight into Human 
 Nature. 
 
 AS for the Tranflation, I have never 
 feen any of a Profe Author which has 
 pleafed me more. The Gentleman who 
 has obliged the Publick with it, has fol- 
 lowed the Rule which Horace has laid 
 down for Tranflators, by preferving eve- 
 ry where the Life and Spirit of his Author, 
 without fervilely copying after him Word 
 for Word. This is what the French, who 
 have moft dillinguiflied themfelves by Per- 
 formances
 
 N39- 7 he LOVER. 261 
 
 formances of this Nature, fo often incul- 
 cate when they advife a Tranflator to find 
 out fuch particular Elegances in his own 
 Tongue, as bear fome Analogy to thofe 
 he fees in the Original, andtoexprefshim- 
 felf by fuch Phrafes as his Author would 
 probably have made ufe of, had he wric- 
 ten in the Language into which he is tran- 
 flated. By this means, as well as by throw- 
 ing in a lucky Word, or a ihort Circum- 
 ftance, the Meaning of Theophraftus is all 
 along explained, and the Humour very 
 often carried to a greater height. A Tran- 
 flator, who does not thus confider the dif- 
 ferent Genius of the two Languages in 
 which he is concerned, with fuch parallel 
 Turns of Thoughts and Expreffiona^ cor- 
 refpond with one another in both of them, 
 may value himfelf upon being a faithful 
 Interpreter, but in Works of Wit and 
 Humour will never do Juftice to his Au- 
 thor, or Credit to himfelf. 
 
 AS this is every where a judicious and 
 a reafonable Liberty, I fee no Chapter in 
 Theofhraftus where it has been fo much 
 indulged, and in which it was fo abfolute- 
 ly neceflary, as in the Character of the 
 Sloven. I find the Tranflator himfelf, tho' 
 he has taken Pains to qualifie it, is dill ap- 
 prehenfive that there may be fomething 
 too grofs in the Defcription. The Rea- 
 der will fee with how mu:h ^Delicacy he 
 S 3 has
 
 262 The LOVER. N 39- 
 
 has touched upon every Particular, and caft 
 into Shades every thing that was fhocking 
 in fo Naufeous a Figure. 
 
 CHAP. XIX. 
 A SLOVEN. 
 
 < SLOVENLINESS \sSuchaNeg- 
 left of a Mans Terfon, as makes him Of- 
 fcnfive to other 'People. The Sloven 
 comes into Company with a dirty pair 
 of Hands, and a fett of long Nails at the 
 end of them, and tells you for an Ex- 
 cufe, that his Father and Grandfather 
 ufed to do fo before him. However, 
 that he may out-go his Fore-Fathers, his 
 Fingers are covered with Warts of his 
 own railing He is as hairy as a Goat, 
 and takes care to let you fee it* His 
 Teeth and Breath are perfectly wellfuit- 
 ed to one another, He lays about him 
 at Table after a very extraordinary man- 
 ner, and takes in a Meal at a Mouthful; 
 which he fe'dom difpofes of without of- 
 fending the Company In Drinking he 
 generally makes more haile than good 
 fpeed. When he goes into the Bath, 
 you may eafily find him out by the fcent 
 of his Oyl, and cHftinguilh him when he 
 ib drefs'd by the fpots in his Coat. He 
 does not (land upon Decency inConver- 
 but will talk Smut, tho' a Prie'ft 
 
 ' and
 
 N 39- The LOVER. 26? 
 
 * and his Mother be in the Room. He 
 
 * commits a Blunder in the moll folemn 
 
 * Offices of Devotion, and afterwards falls 
 ' a laughing at it. At a Confort of Mu- 
 
 * fick he breaks in upon the Performance, 
 
 * hums over the Tune to himfelf, or if he 
 
 * thinks it long, asks the Muficians Whe- 
 
 * ther they will never have done ? He al- 
 ways fpits at random, and if he is at an 
 
 * Entertainment, 'tis ten to one but it is 
 ' upon the Servant who (lands behind 
 
 * him. 
 
 THE foregoing Tranflation brings to 
 my Remembrance that excellent Obferva- 
 tion of my Lord Rofcommous. 
 
 None yet have been with Admiration read 9 
 
 But 'a/ /jo (be fide their Learning) were Well-bred. 
 
 Lord Rofcommon'.t Ejfty on Tranjlrted Verfe. 
 
 IF after tm* the Reader can endure the 
 filthy Reprefentation of the fame Figure 
 expofed in its worft Light, he rmy fee 
 how it looks in the former EnsJiJh Verii- 
 on, which wasPubliflied fome Years fmce, 
 and is done from the French of Bruyere. 
 
 Naftinefs or Slovenl'mefs. 
 
 SLOVENLINESS is a lazy and 
 
 4 beaftly Negligence of a Man's own Per- 
 
 ' fon, whereby he becomes fo fordid, as 
 
 < to be ofFenfive to thofe about him. 
 
 S 4 < You'll
 
 264 The LOVER. N* 3 9. 
 
 * You'll fee him corne into Company when 
 c he is cover'd all over with aLeprofyand 
 ' Scurf, and with very long Nails, and 
 
 < fays, thofe Dirtempers were hereditary, 
 c that his Father and Grandfather had them 
 
 * before him. He has Ulcers in his Thighs, 
 and Boilsupon his Hands, which he takes 
 c no care to have cured, but lets them run 
 
 * on till they are gone beyond Remedy. 
 
 * His Arm-pits are all hairy, and mofl part 
 of his Body like a Wild Beaft. His Teeth 
 
 * are black and rotten, which makes his 
 ' Breath (link fo that you cannot endure 
 ' him to come nigh you; hewillalfofhuff 
 
 * up hisNofe and fpit it out as he eats, and 
 ufes to fpeak with his Mouth cramm'd full, 
 
 < and lets his Victuals come out at both Cor- 
 ners He belches in the Cup as he is 
 
 * drinking, and ufes nafty (linking Oyl in 
 
 * the Bath. He will intrude into thebefl 
 Company in fordid ragged Cloaths. If 
 ' he goes with his Mother' to the South- 
 
 * fayers, he cannot then refrain from wick- 
 
 * ed and prophane Expreflions. When he 
 
 < is making his Oblations at the Temple, 
 he will let the Difh drop out of his 
 Hand, and fall a laughing, as if he had 
 
 * done fome brave Exploit. At the fined 
 
 * Confort of Mufick he can't forbear clap- 
 
 * ping his Hands, and making a rude 
 c Noife; will pretend to Sing along with 
 
 * them, and fall a Railing at them to leave 
 
 * off.
 
 N 40. The L O V E R. 265 
 
 * off Sitting at Table, he fpits full upon 
 c the Servants who waited there. 
 
 I cannot clofe this Paper without obferv- 
 ing, That if Gentlemen of Leifure and 
 Genius would take the fame Pains upon 
 fome other Greek or Roman Author, that 
 has been beftowed upon this, we fliould 
 no longer be abufed by our Bookfellers, 
 who fet their Hackney- Writers at Work 
 for fo much a Sheet. The World would 
 foon be convinced, that there is a great 
 deal of difference between putting an Au- 
 thor into Englijbt and Tranjlating him. 
 
 N 40. Thursday, May 27. 
 
 Nee tarda feneflus 
 
 *Debilitat vires Virg. 
 
 TH E Bofom into which Love enters, 
 enclines the Perfon who is infpired 
 with it, with a Goodnefs towards 
 all with whom he converfes, more exten- 
 five than even that which is infilled by 
 Charity. I pretend to fo much of this 
 noble Paffion, as feldom to overlook the 
 Excellencies of other Men; and ! forgive 
 Mrs. Page all the Pangs my Pa/Iion has 
 
 given
 
 266 The LOVER. N a 4 o. 
 
 given me, fmce, though I am never to 
 have her, all other Perfons are become 
 more agreeable to me, from the large good 
 Will, the beginning of which I owe to 
 the Admiration of her. There are no Ex- 
 cellencies of Mind or Body in any Perfon 
 that comes before me, which efcape my 
 Obfervation, and 1 take great Pleafure in 
 divulging my Senfe of them. 
 
 I muft confefs, Entertainments of the 
 Neighbouring Theatre frequently engage 
 my Evenings; I do not take it to be a 
 Condefceniion, that forpe of my Papers 
 are but Paraphrafes upon Play Bills; I have 
 grown old in the Obfervation of the Feats 
 of Activity and Genius for intelligent 
 Movements, which I have always loved 
 in my old Acquaintance Jo. Trince, who 
 is to entertain us on Monday next with fe- 
 veral new Inventions, wherein he has ex- 
 prefled the Compafs and Variety of his ex- 
 cellent Talent. One of thofe Diverfions 
 he calls the Rattle , from the Har- 
 lequin, irregular and comick Movements 
 with which it is performed; another, which 
 he hath termed the Loobey, is performed 
 by himfelf, bearing a 'Prong, and Mrs. Bick- 
 fiall managing a Rake with as much Beau- 
 ty (tho 5 a little higher Dancing) as an Ar- 
 cadian Shepherdefs. The next Dznce he 
 will give us is very aptly called the Innocent^ 
 to be performed by Mrs. Tounger^ a gen- 
 teel
 
 N 40 The LOVER. 267 
 
 teel Movement, confiding of a Sarabrand 
 and Jigg, to reprefent both the Simplici- 
 ty and Gaiety of that Character. 
 
 THE fourth Aft will be followed by a 
 Motion contrived to reprefent the Mid- 
 night Mirth of Linkboys; the Dance is 
 very Humorous, and well imagined. 
 
 HIS Play concludes with what they 
 call a Figure Dance, performed by an j- 
 legant Aflembly of Gentlemen and Ladies, 
 and is as much different from any of the 
 preceding Movemebts, as the Stile of a 
 Poem is above that of a Ballad. 
 
 B U T I mutt turn my Thoughts from 
 this Performer, to a Perfon who has aifo 
 diverted many different Generations on 
 the Theatre, but in a much higher Sphere; 
 to wit, in the Character of a Poet. The 
 Perfon whom I am about to mention is 
 the Celebrated Mr. tTVrfey, who has had 
 the Fate of all great Authors, to have met 
 with much Envy and Oppofition; but the 
 fagacious part of Mankind ward (as foon 
 as they begin to grow confpicuous) them- 
 felves againft the Envious, by reprefent- 
 jng the Nobility of their Birth; and I do 
 not know why I may not as well defend 
 the Writings of my Friend againit the Ma- 
 lice of Criticks, by (hewing how Ancient 
 a Gentleman he is from whom they pre- 
 tend to detraft I will undertake to ihow 
 fhofe who pretend to Cavil at my Friend's 
 
 Writ-
 
 268 The LOVER. N 4- 
 
 Writings, that his Anceflors made a great- 
 er Figure in the World, nay in the Learn- 
 ed World, than their own. 
 
 Monfieur Perrault, the famous French A- 
 cademifty in his Memoirs of the Worthies 
 of France, gives this Teftimony of the 
 Houfe 0/d'Urfey. 
 
 rjONORIVS fVrfeyt&ys he, Ca- 
 n dec of the Illuftrious Houfe of 
 d^'Urfey, in the Province of Forreft, was 
 chofen Knight of Malta^ and difcharged 
 the devoirs of his Profeflion, with all the 
 Bravery and all the Exadtnefs it could 
 require. 
 
 HE had two Brothers, the Eldeflof 
 which married the Heirefs of Chatteau- 
 morant ; but the Marriage afterwards be- 
 ing declared Null, by Reafon of his In- 
 fufficiency, he became Religious, and 
 died Prior of Mountverdon, and Dean of 
 the Chapter of St. John de Mount- 
 brijfbn. 
 
 c THE fecond Brother- was Matter of 
 the Horfe to the Duke of Savoy, and 
 liv'd to be above one hundred Years 
 old. 
 
 c HONORIVS was very much ad- 
 mired for many noble and witty Perfor- 
 mances; but what principally obliges us 
 to put him into the Number of our Iliu- 
 
 flrious
 
 N4o. The LOVER. 269 
 
 ' ftrious Men, was the Beauty and Ferti- 
 4 lity which appears with fo much Splen- 
 1 dor in Aftrea* the Romance he has 
 left us, in which are lively Pictures of all 
 
 * the Conditions of human Life, infoge- 
 
 * nuine a Manner, that the Idea he gives 
 
 * of them has not only for above fifty Years 
 
 * pail charmed all France^ but all Europe. 
 < WHATEVER Veneration we are 
 
 * obliged to have for the admirable Poems 
 4 of Homer, which have been the Delight 
 
 * of all Ages, yet, I believe, it may be 
 c faid, that to confiderthem on the Score 
 ' of Invention, Manners, Pa (lion and Cha- 
 rafter, Monfieur JVrfey's Aftrea, tho' 
 
 * Frofe, deferves no lefs the Name of a 
 4 Poem, and not in the lead Inferior to 770- 
 
 * ;#<?r's ; this is the Judgment of very learn- 
 ed Men, viz. Cardinal Richlieu, Mr. 
 c Waller, Cowley, &c. And thofe, who 
 
 * have been very much prepofTelt for the 
 
 * Ancients againft the Moderns. 
 
 * OF this excellent Romance we men- 
 
 * tion, tho' finifht by another (he dying 
 c before the laft Tome was written) yet he 
 
 * left enough from his ownHand to efta- 
 
 * blifh his frame ; nor was it found to be 
 meeriy Romance, but an enigmatical 
 c Contexture of his own principal Adven- 
 
 * tures, before he fet out for his noble Sca- 
 tion at Malt a 9 where he remained feve- 
 
 * ral Years. 
 
 HE
 
 270 The LOVER^ N 40- 
 
 * HE had conceived a Love for Mada- 
 moifelle de Chatteaumorant, fole Heirefs 
 of her Family, beautiful, rich and haugh- 
 ty, but of that noble Haughtinefs which 
 is commonly infpired by great Virtues ; 
 in his Abfence, me was married to his 
 eldeft Brother, more upon a political 
 Account than any united Affection, as 
 will thus appear. 
 
 'THE Houfesof d'Vrfey mACbatte- 
 aumorant, the two greateft of the whole 
 Province, were always at Enmity with 
 one another, and their Interefts had di- 
 vided all the Nobility of the Country,fo 
 that the Parents on both fides were will- 
 ing by this Alliance to dry up the Source 
 of the Quarrels and Misfortunes, which 
 ufually happened every Moment. 
 < WRFET, at his Return from 
 Malta-) found his Miftrefs married to his 
 Brother, yet {till he could not ceafe to 
 love her ; and in all likelihodd was not 
 ignorant of his fecret Defecl, who, af- 
 ter ten. Years Marriage, confefling at laft 
 his Impotence, was divorc'd ; and then 
 the Chevalier (obtaining a Difpenfation 
 of his Vow) after he had furmounted fe- 
 veral Difficulties, efpoufed Madamoifelle 
 Chatteaumorant. 
 
 c THESE Adventures gave Occafion 
 to thofe of Celadon^ Stfoavder, Aflrca 
 and 'Diana* who are the myttical Images 
 
 of
 
 N4o. The LOVER. 271 
 
 c of them; divers Affairs of Perfons of 
 
 the bed Quality at Court, in his Time, 
 
 < having alfo furnilht Matter for the inge- 
 
 < nious Conftru&ion of the Work. 
 
 So far Perrault. 
 
 SEFERINVS JVrfey, his-nearKinf- 
 4 man, the before-mentioned Chevalier 
 
 * being his great Unkle, for the Extrava- 
 
 * gancy of his Youth, or fome other Rea- 
 
 * fon which has always been a Secret to 
 c thofe about him, was difinherited fome 
 
 * time before he came into England-, where 
 
 * being excellently well gifted in all Gen- 
 
 * tleman-like Qualities, tho' undoing all 
 by his immoderate Vice of Gaming, he 
 
 * married a Gentlewoman of Huntington- 
 
 < jhire, of the Family of the Marmions, 
 4 from whom defcended Thomas d'Vrfey, 
 c the Ornament of this Paper. 
 
 THERE feems to be no Blot in this 
 Pedigree, but that of the Infufficiency 
 of the Gentleman who married the Hei T 
 refs of Chatteaumorant ; but as he could 
 by reafonof that Defect have no Defcend- 
 ants, the Heralds of Germany, Scotland 
 and Wales all agree, that Infufficiency in a 
 Collateral Line cannot affect the Heirs Ge- 
 neral; fo that thus my Friend and his Writ- 
 ings
 
 272 The LOVER. N* 4 o; 
 
 ings are fafe againft the mofl malicious Cri- 
 ticks in this particular. 
 
 MONSIEUR Menage reports, that 
 the # Vrfeys defcended from the Empe- 
 rors QtConftantinople on the Father's fide, 
 and the viceroy of Naples on the Mo- 
 ther's. I fhall put Menage's Words by way 
 of Advertifement at the end of my to-Days 
 Work. This long Account I have infert- 
 ed, that the Ignorant of Mr. d'llrfey** 
 Quality may know how to receive him, 
 when on the feventh of next Month he 
 {hall appear (as he defigns) in Honour of 
 the Ladies, to fpeak an Oration by way of 
 Prologue to the Richmond Heirefe. 
 
 THAT Gentleman has fo long appear- 
 ed in the Cities of London and Weftmmfter^ 
 attended only by one Servant,, and hi mall 
 along under Age, that the Generality have 
 too familiar a Conception of him ; but it 
 is to be hoped, that the Ladies, for whofe 
 Sake only he appears in Publick, will Smile 
 upon him, as if he himfelf were a Knight 
 of Malta, and receive him as if they be- 
 held Honortus and Severinus in their pro- 
 feffed Servant Thomas / Vrfey. It is re- 
 commended to all the fine Spirits, and 
 beautiful Ladies, to poffefs themfelves of 
 Mr. JVrfefs Tickets, lead a further Ac- 
 count, which we ihall fhortly give of his 
 Family and Merit, may make the Genera- 
 lity
 
 N 4 o. The LOVER. 273 
 
 lity Purchafe them, and exclude thofe whom 
 he moft defires for his Audience. 
 
 Extraft from Menage. 
 
 \JIESSIRE fVrfey fe noment Laf~ 
 *> curis en leur nom de Family, et *Pre- 
 tendent etre iffus des Anciens Lafcuris Em- 
 pereurs de Conftantinople, le. dernier Mar- 
 qui d^rfey qui avoit epoufe une dalegre* 
 difoit afonfils qui etoit exempt des Gardes, 
 .Monjilsj 'vous avez, de grands Examples a 
 Jiitvre tant du Cote Taternel que Maternel 
 de mon Cote vos Ancetres etoient Empereurs 
 d* Orient, et du Cote de vdtre Mere vous ve- 
 nes de Vicerois de Naples. Le fils repondit* 
 iljaut, Monfieur, que ce fotent de pauvres 
 gens, de n* avoir pu faire qu'un miferable ex- 
 empt de Gardes, d^on vient quails ne nfont 
 laijl ni l y Empire ni leur Viceroy ante. 
 
 THE
 
 THE 
 
 READER 
 
 L O N<D O N: 
 
 Printed for J. Tonfon. MDCCXIV.
 
 T H E 
 
 READER. 
 
 N i. Tfarfiky, 
 
 22. 1714. 
 
 Semfer Ego Auditor Tantum? Juv. 
 
 Am a Mali that have read 
 my felf almoft blind, and findi 
 by a modefl Calculation of 
 things, that it is as wonder- 
 ful how the Scribblers of this 
 Age live, as how the Ale-houfes fubfitt, 
 tho' almoft every Houfe is a Victualler's. 
 I take this Circumftance of the Tippling- 
 places to be in fome Meafare attributed 
 to the Juftices of the Peace, who as well 
 to oblige their Clerks , who have fo much 
 a Licenfe,as to let no one who is a Stran- 
 ger in Town want Accommodation. BuC 
 I have ran this Simile too far to be like 
 'what I was going to liken it to; and fhall 
 T 3 therefore
 
 278 THREADER: N "^ 
 
 therefore proceed, without minding that, 
 to give an Account to the Publick before 
 whom I appear, why I appear at all. 
 
 YOU muft know I have a long Time 
 frequented Coffee-houfes and read Papers, 
 and fpent my Money upon Coffee for the 
 Advantage of Reading the Papers ; tho* 
 the Coffee and the Papers alfo are meer 
 Dryers, and do but hinder my natural Ca- 
 pacity by a forced Liveliness as to the 
 Coffee, and a falfe Gravity as to the Papers; 
 for as to the former, I have afterwards 
 found my felf difpirited thereby, as to the 
 latter, mif-led rather than enlightened. 
 
 I humbly therefore defire all who, like 
 rpy felf, have been patient or gentle Rea- 
 ders, to take in me, who fet up in Behalf 
 of all Perfons who for fome Time laflpaft 
 have been impofed upon, I mean from the 
 Beginning of the World, which is but an 
 Inflant in Comparifon of the fucceeding 
 
 Time . 1 beg Pardon, i am {till but a 
 
 Reader, and fo little ufed to Writing, that 
 I have made two Parenthefis, if not more, 
 together; fo that i cannot go on without 
 beginning a new Sentence. 
 
 I am then to let you underftand, that 
 in Confideration that all Readers have a 
 long time been impofed upon, I ftep out 
 to do all of thofe good People Juftice, and 
 write Things, which, from the Obferva- 
 tions which I have made in the Character 
 of a Reader, have molt offended M that in- 
 nocent
 
 N 9 r. The READER. 279 
 
 nocent part of the World. It is certain 
 that many become Authors before they 
 have been Readers, which has led them 
 into much Errour, from the Fault of hu- 
 mourfom Parents, who would have them 
 learn to Write firft. But under the Cha- 
 racter of Reader, I claim the Liberty to 
 go out of my way, and lay by what I am 
 about, take a Nap, or fufpend my Atten- 
 tion as I pleafe : But this carelefs Be- 
 haviour to what I met with in Publick, 
 firfl vanilhed from two remarkable Circum- 
 flances. The *Daily Courant of April the 
 1 5th publifhes a Declaration of the French 
 King given at Verfailles, wherein he re- 
 news a Prohibition that had been in force 
 for three Years; I fay, he renews an Or- 
 der which had been fo long in force, 
 without fuch Succefs as not to need the 
 Repetition of it, that no new Converts to 
 the Roman Catholick Religion fhould fell 
 their immoveable Eftates within the three 
 next fucceeding Years; without the King's 
 Leave, or that of thofe authorized by him. 
 I remember our Papers formerly fpoke a- 
 nother Thing I am very forry for, which 
 this good Prince infifts upon, which im- 
 plyM that his Majefty would underftand all 
 the Children of his Proteftant Subjects born 
 within the Dominions of other Provinces, 
 to be under the Penalties of his inland Pro- 
 teftants. This grieved me more than or- 
 dinary* becaufe by the Rule of taking from 
 T 4 us
 
 2*o The READE R. N Q I. 
 
 Us one Generation, and not letting the Na- 
 turalization of the Parents, or Birth of the 
 Children, denominate thofe born in other 
 Nations Subjects of thofe Nations, he may 
 take off* for ought 1 know, the belt Men 
 of all other Dominions. I amfure he might 
 by that Rule undo Great-Britain, by tak- 
 ing from us his greateil Opponents and our 
 belt Patriots ; for fome Etymologifts and 
 Heralds fay, the illuftrious Names of Har- 
 lay, d* Harcourt, and St. Jean, are origi- 
 nally French. But as to the Prohibition I 
 was fpeaking of, to difpofe of their For- 
 tunes, I took great Notice, when I was 
 a private Man (like you common Readers) 
 that a worthy Prelate, Author of The Hi- 
 Jiory of the' Reformation, in his Sermon 
 preached onh&Eafler Monday, March 19. 
 has this excellent and reafonable Paragraph 
 on the Subject of the Danger of Popery. 
 < HERE I have given you but a faint 
 Defcription of what you muil all look for, 
 when that Day comes which our AfTer- 
 tors of Her edit ary- Right, are pleading^ 
 for, and are not afraid to own, (fo fure, * 
 it feems, they think their Defigns are 
 laid) that even all Funds mud be at the 
 Mercy of the nexc Heir, whom they 
 look and wim fpr; and if they are at his 
 Mercy, let none deceive themfelves with 
 this vain and impious Thought, that it 
 will coil them no more b.ut the changing 
 
 their
 
 Ni: The READER. 28 1 
 
 < their Religion to fave all. To thofe who 
 4 have none, this will be no hard Perform- 
 ' ance to fecure every thing to them ; but 
 
 * even in this they may reckon 'wrong: 
 
 * In France a heavy Jealoufie hangs ftill o- 
 <- ver thofe who fell in the Hour of Trial ; 
 ' every Step they make is watched their 
 
 * want of Zeal is obferved, their Children 
 
 * are taken from them, and every Infor- 
 
 * mation againft them brings them into 
 
 < great Trouble ; fo that their Lives be- 
 
 * come a Burthen to them, which even 
 their Apoftacy cannot fecure them from. 
 
 * They muft either over-doMatters,and run 
 
 * into all theExcefles of fupererrogating Su- 
 perflition, and even of informing againft 
 
 < others, or elie they will be ftill under Suf- 
 picion. The enriching of Shrines and 
 Relids, the adorning Churches and I- 
 
 * mages, an affeded Devotion to Saints, 
 
 * with the Pomp of Endowments, will be 
 th'en theTefts by which Mens Affe&ions 
 will be judged. The bare doing what is 
 commanded will not ferve turn: The 
 Wealth with which God blefTes any, muft 
 be applied to the Endowing of Altars, 
 1 the Founding of perpetual Mafles, and 
 
 * the Redemption of Souls out of Purga- 
 
 * tory. A Multitude of Holidays muft take 
 
 < Men off from their Labour, but Procef- 
 4 fions will come in place of that, which 
 though they impoveriih the Laity, yet 
 
 win
 
 282 The READER. N* r. 
 
 will be turned to the enriching thofe who 
 deal in that Traffick. 
 
 AS to the new Converts mentioned a- 
 bove before the lail Quotation, I muft re- 
 mark, that a Fellow in the Coffee-houfe 
 where I read that the Sale of the Eftatesof 
 New Converts was forbidden, faid. We 
 would not care Farthing for that, if the 
 new Converts amongft us were forbidden 
 to purchafe. I know not what he meant 
 by that, nor am I refponfible to find out 
 his Meaning, but am at Liberty to fob off 
 my Readers, as I have, when a Reader, 
 been delayed my felf, till Time fhall difco- 
 ver thefe Matters; and in the Interim to 
 fay, whether I think it or not, that thefe 
 Matters want Confirmation. 
 
 THE Reader may fee with what Fa- 
 miliarity of Stile I treat him; but he will 
 I hope, excufe me, when this is only to 
 recover loft Time, by impofing upon others 
 as I have been my lelf,anddefinngof them 
 to bear with me as well as they have done 
 with my Predeceflbrs in Scribbling. This 
 Favour I will deferve, by being an Obfer- 
 ver upon'all that is written by other Journa- 
 lills, and being partial to no Author but 
 my felf. The Toft-boy is a confiderable 
 Man; the Courant, you fee, I have quo- 
 ted already ; the Toft-man is a Neuter, but 
 againft his Confcience ; the Examiner has 
 no Confcience; the Lover is a Cheat, for 
 
 he
 
 N i. The REA DE R. 283 
 
 he is a married Man ; and the Flying-poft 
 has abundance of Miftakes, which he ne- 
 ver commits by little and little, but is 
 wrong or right from the Beginning to the 
 End of a Paper. 
 
 BESIDES this, there are abundance 
 of Books printed every Day, which Hhali 
 take Notice of, and put my felf to the La- 
 bour of Reading hap-hazard, without flay- 
 ing till I hear them commended. This, 
 let me tell you, is a great Help to Men of 
 good Eitates, who are not obliged to be 
 fo exaft in their Reading; and I'll take 
 Care that he who talks after me, lhall 
 talk well enough for a Man of Quality. 
 Let me tell you again, this is a great Mat- 
 ter; the Rich by my Means may adorn 
 themfelves by the Labours of the Poor, 
 and the Poor feed by the Follies of the 
 Rich ; which indeed is as it fhould be. 
 
 I muft take Notice that I have read the 
 following Advertifement twice or thrice 
 repeated. 
 
 WHEREAS there is a new Altar- 
 "Piece or Tainting fut up in the Chancel of 
 the Church of White-Chappel within the 
 Ttiocefs of London, (belonging to the Re- 
 El 'or of the f aid Tarijh) wherein the 'Tray- 
 tor Judas (contrary to ail Figures ancient 
 and modern] is drawn as fitting in an El- 
 bow-Qhair, in a Trieft's Gown and Band, 
 
 and
 
 284 The READER. N p i. 
 
 and other Appearances of a dignified Clergy- 
 man of the Church of England: Thefe are 
 to give Notice, that if any Terfon or *Per- 
 fons will difcover who was the T)ejigner 
 and ^Director of that impious Fancy, they-, 
 or either of them, Jhall have 10 Guineas 
 Reward immediately paid upon Informati- 
 on and Evidence fo given, in order to pro- 
 fecute any prophane Fellow concerned in it, 
 by me 
 
 Willoughby Willey. 
 
 WHAT I have to fay to this Point is, 
 That (if the Faft be true) the Miniiter of 
 the Church (if privy to it) who fufferedit 
 to be erefted, has done a thing that is in 
 the higheft Degree a Scandal to his Cha- 
 rafter ; and has given the Gentleman whom 
 the unchriltian Man is faid to have caufed 
 to be drawn in that Tablette, an Oppor- 
 tunity of imitating the moil facred Chara- 
 fter that fhould be there in his Patience, 
 and turning the Judas upon him, who 
 could with that Supper before him project 
 fo treacherous andbafean AfTault upon the 
 Reputation of his Brother, and confequent- 
 ly difappoint the Effecl: of his Miniilry^ 
 which in Charity he ought to believe bet- 
 ter directed than his own. 
 
 Saturday^
 
 N 2. The READER. 285 
 
 N2. Saturday, April 24. 
 
 Virtus refulfie nefcia fordida 
 Intaminat'is fulget honoribus. Hor. 
 
 TH E Title of my Paper may fuffici- 
 ently explain the Defign of it, which 
 is chiefly to difabufe thofe Readers 
 who are impofed upon by the licentious 
 Writers of this degenerate Age. The 
 greateft Offender in this Kind is the Exa- 
 miner. I know many fober and intelligent 
 Men are of Opinion, that his AfTertions 
 are fo grofs, and his Falfliood fo vifible, 
 that there is no Need of taking any Notice 
 of him : But I am of another Mind ; for 
 all fuch People as have not Temper e- 
 nough to reflect upon Reafoning againft 
 him, are fatisfied if more Words are put 
 into their Mouths to vent that Rage, which 
 they have not Patience to root quite out, 
 or perhaps after having gonefome Lengths 
 which they are afhamedof, want Candour 
 to retraft their Errors. The Examiner 
 has a great while had nothing elfe to ut- 
 ter but meer Words of Paflion ; and his 
 Paper which came out this X3d of April* 
 is written in this Tafte. After putting the 
 
 follow-
 
 286 The R E A P E R. N 2. 
 
 following Words in Italick Letters, at 
 fuch .pittances as he thinks are ornamen- 
 tal to his Paper, Whigs, Government, Fears, 
 Jealoujles, Teace ,at home. Sedition., Sup* 
 p :cions, Cenfures, Murmurs, 'Dreams, Pro- 
 phecies, Rumour, Report, Ghofts, Appa- 
 ritions, honourable Amends, and Scare- 
 crow, he begins to be a little underflood, 
 and feems to fay that thofe Whigs, a Peo- 
 ple not yet defcribed by him, but in gene- 
 ral Revilings, fothat it isimpoflible to tell 
 whom he means ; but he fays of them, 
 That inftead of making Atonement for 
 their paft bins, they wzftillrevivingtheir 
 own Shame and Infamy, and ringing over 
 the fame Chimes in our Ears without cea- 
 fmg, Topery! the Tretender\ French Ty- 
 ranny! Dunkirk not demolijhed! Toby 
 Butler ! the Highlands ! Swarms of Jaco- 
 bites \ the Catalans \ the Teace ! Importa- 
 tion ofjcfuits! Invafions /r0w Bar-le-duc I 
 All thefe ft ale noify Topic ks are ft ill * flying 
 about our Ears like Wild- fire wrapp d up 
 in Taper, Give me Leave to obferve, 
 this Author has put the Peace in very bad 
 Company, and no one but he would dare 
 to take the Liberty to put it, in the mod 
 oblique Way, on the fame Foot of being 
 mentioned with the Cafe of the Catalans 
 and the Importation of Jefuits. But after 
 the Climax of Diftreffes from the Word 
 Popery to the Words Invafions from Bar- 
 
 le-
 
 2. T^READER. 287 
 
 he has not thought fit to obviate 
 any Arguments heretofore ufed, that all 
 good Men lhould.be alarmed at the Growth 
 of Power in a fuperftitious Prince, who 
 has been formerly the Patron of the Pre- 
 tender : Nay he is fo far from doing any 
 thing like this, that he itrives to abate the 
 Pleaiure Men take in the Hopes of the 
 Arrival of a Prince from Hanover , who is 
 the Third in the Succeffion to the Crown 
 after Her Majeity without Iflue. 
 
 THERE are many Circumftances in 
 this Affair which make it improper to men- 
 tion it at all; butiince this Gentleman has, 
 or takes, Leave to fay what he pleafes, I 
 iliall, in Behalf of all who read him, an- 
 fwer what he calls a few feafinable Quefti- 
 cns in this Juncture of Affairs. 
 
 WO V L T> the coming of the young Prince 
 demo lijb Dunkirk more effectually ? Would 
 Toby Butler' j Recruits immediately defer t ? 
 Would it raife the Siege of Barcelona ? 
 break the 'Peace? change the Nature of 
 French Tyranny ? or reduce the exorbitant 
 Tower of the 'Duke of Lorain ? I believe 
 they will not 'venture to fay, thata^Prince^ 
 however fowerfttl, yet a Subjettftill* would* 
 upon his frft landing^ interpofe fo vigor on f- 
 ly in public k Affairs. And if /^, then it is 
 plain from the Conduct of the Whigs them- 
 felves* that all thefe Clamours ^hich they 
 have fo long dxelt ufon y taking each parti- 
 
 cular
 
 289 The RAEDER. N*i. 
 
 c ttlar Cafe as their own Advocates have ft a- 
 ted if, are perfectly groundlefs^ and the 
 *Proteftant Religion is in no Danger from 
 any of theft Incidents; unlefs they would 
 loyally andmodeftly infinuate, that the fame 
 things which they call Grievances under 
 Her M , would ceafe to be fo if any of 
 Her Troteflant Heirs were reftdent among 
 us. 
 
 HERE are his Queflions, and Re- 
 fleftions after them: To which I anfwer, 
 That tho' the Arrival of the Duke of Cam- 
 bridge would not demolifli ^Dunkirk, yet 
 it would make uslefs fearful of theillCon- 
 fequences from its being undemolifhed ; 
 one of which may be an Attempt of impo- 
 fing upon us "the Pretender, whofe Invafi- 
 on would be lefs dreaded, when one who 
 is a Prince of the Blood was ready to fight 
 againtl him, and animate all good Subjects 
 inHerMajeftyN and his own Gaufe againft 
 him. Toby Butler* Recruits might not, 
 perhaps, defert, but it would make Mr. 
 Butler's Promife to them, of feeing their 
 Mailer foon in thefe Dominions, more un- 
 likely than at prefent, when fo Valorous a 
 Prince as the Duke of Cambridge was rea- 
 dy to oppofe him ; the Duke ^Cambridge* 
 who before now has kept the Field when 
 the Pretender fled out of it. His Arrival 
 would not raife the Siege of Barcelona, 
 but it would animate the Befieged, that 
 
 this
 
 N i. The READER. 289 
 
 this Inftance of the Prevalence of the Caufe 
 of Liberty in fo powerful a Nation as Great 
 Britain, had this Reinforcement. His Ar- 
 rival would not break the Peace, but it 
 would make our Affairs more confirmed 
 and cemented both in Time of Peace and 
 in Cafe of a War. It would not change 
 the Nature of a French Tyranny, or reduce 
 the exorbitant Power of the Duke of Lo- 
 rain\ but it would certainly render them 
 both lefs formidable to all who are Friends 
 to the Succeilion in the Houfe of Hano- 
 ver. After the Quettions, he infmuates 
 in his Reflections above, That a bufy Be- 
 haviour would not become his Grace the 
 Duke of Cambridge'. And J agree with him 
 that it would not, but his very Refidence 
 in England would have all the good Ef- 
 fects above-mentioned. 
 
 BUT the Examiner difcovers immedi- 
 ately afterwards that he has Exceptions, 
 which he does not think fit to fpeak out, 
 againft his coming at all. I, who have 
 been a careful Reader, have obferved that 
 it has been the Trick, for fome Time paft, 
 to let drop Hints in the Examiner (which 
 I am not to judge who gives the Author) 
 of what has been openly avowed after- 
 wards: The Way to any unwelcome Cir- 
 cumilances has been paved by fome re- 
 ceived political Writers. The Words 
 which raife my Jealoufy are thefe : / jball 
 U not
 
 290 The READER. N *. 
 
 not fretend tojpeculate upon the Motions of 
 this Prince, with whom the Faction have 
 made fo free, nor explain thofe Words in 
 the ^Preamble of the x) ~'s Tatent, which 
 feem to crofs upon any fuch early^ndertak- 
 ing as the Whigs pretend is in J/iew. It is 
 an hard thing to keep one's Temper un- 
 der this malicious Infmuation againil both 
 the Queen and Her Succeflbrs ; but his 
 Malice is not to be fruftrated by my An- 
 ger, therefore I fliall calmly rehearfe the 
 Preamble of which he fpeaks, as 1 find it 
 tranflated, and have compared it with the 
 Latin. It runs thus: 
 
 < WHEREAS the moft ferene Ele- 
 ctoral Houfe of Brunfwick Lunenburgh 
 is fprung from the Royal Stock of our 
 Anceitors, and, in Cafe of our Death 
 without 'flue, ought (according to the 
 Laws ratified by our Authority) to enjoy 
 the Kingdoms of their Pr genitors ; yet, 
 as we earneilly defire that the faid moft 
 ferene Houfe (nould no lefs be tied to us 
 by Friendftiip than by Blood and Alli- 
 ances, we, according to our fingular Af- 
 feftion towards the fame, have decreed 
 to grace with the higheft Honours our 
 moil dear Coufm George Auguftus, Son 
 to the moft ferene Elector. And altho' 
 the only Son of fo great a ^Prince cannot 
 go out 0f his native Country without the 
 utmofl Ttanger* efpecially at this Time, 
 
 when
 
 Ni. The READER. 291 
 
 when the neighbouring States are tofsM 
 with fuch violent Tempefts: To the End 
 neverthelefs, that as much as fojjible^ he 
 may, by the Authority of his Name and 
 Dignity, th<? abfent, be in a Manner pre- 
 Jent in our ^Parliament and Councils, we 
 have ordered him to be added to the 
 Number of the Peers of thk Realm. This 
 will be to him an Earned of thatfupream 
 Dignity, to which (according to Ours, 
 and the Wifhes of all our Subjects) he is 
 deitined ; that being henceforth adorned 
 with the Titles of this moil noble King- 
 dom, which the Princes of the Blood 
 Royal have always courted, he may be 
 proud to be ours. You therefore the 
 Barons, Vifcounts, Earls, Marquifles 
 and Dukes, congratulate with yourfelves 
 that a Prince of fo great Hopes, the Or- 
 nament and Darling of Germany* the 
 Defender of our mod Holy Religion, 
 and the Aflertor of publick Liberty, one 
 that is hereafter to govern you, and till 
 then is one of you, ihould now delight 
 to be veiled with the fame Honours with 
 you, &c. 
 
 I fee no Imperfection in this Preamble, 
 and it is a moft difloyal Infmuation to fay 
 there is any thing in it which feems tocrofs 
 the Expectation of feeing the Duke of 
 Cambridge in England. All that is faid that 
 gives the lead Pretence to his Stay abroad, 
 U % to
 
 792 The READER. N * 
 
 to wit, the Importance of his Perfon where 
 he is, and palling through Nations trou- 
 bledwithWar, are fully anfwered, in that 
 we are now in Peace ; and mod cogent 
 Reafons for his coming are implied in the 
 Matter which form the Examiner's Que- 
 flions. The Infmuation from this Preamble 
 is as frivolous as it is malicious; for if the 
 Preamble were what we may call the con- 
 flituting or enacting Part of a Patent, what 
 would become of Peers whofe Patents 
 have no Preambles at all? The Duke of 
 Cambridge is as good a Peer as any in Eng- 
 land, and is by a fubfequent Aft of Parlia- 
 ment the Firil of the Englifh Nobility: 
 And whenever he is pleafed to viiit Eng- 
 land^ he has Right to Precedence to all 
 our Nobles, and to aflift or inftruft him- 
 felf at their Councils. However he is qua- 
 lified for the former, he' will improve as 
 an Englifhman, by being obfervant of Plead- 
 ings at the Court of judicature wherein is 
 our laft Appeal. He may learn our Laws 
 of Perfonswho have come into thatHoufe 
 through their Merit in Knowledge of them, 
 and from fuch as are fit to converfe with 
 and inform Princes (without a fervile Awe 
 of their Quality) how to be Bleffings to 
 Mankind, and how to fcorn any Power 
 over Men but fuch as God ufes, a Power 
 which rejeds any Obedience but what 
 flows from their Hearts and ArTeftions, 
 
 and
 
 N a. The READER. 293 
 
 and no other Sovereignty can be looked 
 upon as of Right Divine. 
 
 THIS Examiner has one honed Line : 
 We hope that the Vacancy of the Throne is 
 at a great 'Diftance off. This is what eve- 
 ry good Subject will join with him in. But 
 he goes on to fay, We have not yet heard 
 of any Refignations, and we are confident ; 
 that an Active Faff ion, and a 'Paffive Go- 
 vernment, will not always be the Cafe. 
 Will not always be the Cafe! Where, or 
 how is it now the Cafe? I cannot but urge 
 this Sentence upon the Examiner, and 
 mufl own as a Reader, that he never of- 
 fended me more in his Life than in this 
 latt Sentence. The Government under 
 which the Examiner writes, might very 
 well demand of him what Government he 
 means. If it may be prefumed he means 
 the Government of that Kingdom in which 
 the Language wherein he writes is fpoken, 
 he has called it defpicable; for no one will 
 deny that a Paffive Government can be 
 any other. 
 
 BUT this Man has the lead Judgment 
 of any Creature in the World, except thofe 
 who, if they have it in their Power, do 
 not (llence, or bring him to Juftice. 
 
 WHILE he is tolerated, or any othef- 
 that fcribble to the Difadvantage of my 
 Country, I will, in Juftice to all my Coun- 
 trymen their Readers, explain their So- 
 li 3 phifms,
 
 294 The READER. N(>I - 
 
 phifms, and bring them to the Examina- 
 tion of Reafon and Juftice. This will I 
 certainly do with firm Refolution ; and 
 now I name the Word Refolution, I mud 
 fay fomething proper for the Theme at 
 Top of my Paper, which Ornament is be- 
 come a great Faihion. I will go on fecure 
 of a Reward, as needing none; for Vir- 
 tue (fays my Author) will iliine with un- 
 blemim'd Honour, in fpite of all the Re- 
 pulfes it can meet with. There is a Ma- 
 nufcript, which I had not out of the fame 
 Library from which the AfTerter of Here- 
 ditary Right borrowed his Quotations; 
 but I won't fay where. The Story is this; 
 (it runs mightily upon the Word certain) 
 There was a certain Husbandman, in a 
 certain Kingdom, who lived in a cer- 
 
 * tain Place under a certain Hill, near a 
 certain Bridge. This poor Man was a 
 < little of a Scholar, and given to Coun- 
 try Learning, fuch as Aitrological Pre- 
 diftions of the Weather, and the like. 
 
 * One Night, in one of his Mufings about 
 ' his Houfe, he faw a Party of Soldiers 
 
 * belonging to a Prince in Enmity with 
 c his own coming towards the Bridge: He 
 c immediately ran and drew up that Part 
 which is called the Draw- bridge, and 
 ' calling all his Family, and getting his 
 c Cattle together, he put his Plough, be- 
 c hind that his Stools, and his Chairs be- 
 
 < hind
 
 2 : The READER, 295 
 
 hind them, and by this Means flopped 
 the March till it was Daylight, when all 
 the neighbouring Lords and Gentle- 
 men faw the Enemy as well as he. They 
 crowded on with gs eat Gallantry to op- 
 pofe the Foe, and in' their Zeal and 
 Hurry throwing our Husband-man a- 
 ver Bridge, and his Goods after him, 
 effeftually kept out the Invaders. This 
 Accident (fays my Author) was the 
 Safety of that Kingdom; yet no one 
 ought be difcomrited from the publick 
 Service for what happened to thisRu- 
 flick, for though he was neglefted at 
 the prefent, and every Man faid he 
 was an honeft Fellow, that he was no 
 one's Enemy but his own in expofmg 
 his All, and that no Body faid he was 
 every one's Friend but his own, the 
 Man had ever after the Liberty, that 
 he, and no other but he and his Fa- 
 mily, ihould beg on that Bridge in all 
 Times following. 
 
 U 4 Monday^
 
 296 The READER. N 3 
 
 N3. Monda^ A$ril 26. 
 
 
 (j>ui Baviumnonodit amettuaCarminaMavi. Virg. 
 
 IN my laft I took notice of that fublime 
 Writer the Examiner. The next to 
 him among the Journalifts in Dignity 
 and Order is the Tofl-Boyi This Writer is 
 excellent in his Kind; but prefentingthem 
 both to my Imagination at one View, makes 
 me turn to a Paflage of a Paper published 
 in the Volume of Medleys, called The 
 Whig-Examiner. There the Author, fpeak- 
 ing of a Paper entitled, A Letter to the Ex- 
 aminer, finds it neceflary to confider the 
 Nature ofNonfenfe; and afterwards very 
 pleafantly, exquifite pleafantly, reprefents 
 to us the Difference we ought to make be- 
 tween High Nonfenfeand Low Nonfenfe. 
 A Reader cannot fee anything any where 
 that has more Wit and Humour in it, nor 
 that is more neceflary to prepare him for 
 the reading the Authors of whom I am 
 fpeaking. A Page or two of his will make 
 up for many a Page of mine, therefore I 
 iliall rehearfe him. The Whig-Examiner, 
 Numb. 4. has it thus. 
 
 HV-
 
 N 3- The READER. 297 
 
 < HUTHBRAS has defined Non- 
 fenfe (as Cowley does Wit) by Negatives. 
 Nonfenfe (fays he} is that which is nei- 
 ther true nor falfe. Thefe two great 
 Properties of Nonfenfe, which are always 
 eflential to it, give it fuch a peculiar Ad- 
 vantage over all other Writings, thst it 
 is incapable of being either anfweied or 
 contradifted. It (lands upon ics own Ba- 
 fis like a Rock of Adamant, fecured by its 
 natural Situation againft all Conqueftsor 
 Attacks. There is no one Place about 
 it weaker than another, to favour an E- 
 nemyin his Approaches: The Major and 
 the Minor are of equal Strength. Its 
 Queflions admit of no Reply, and its Af- 
 fertions are not to be invalidated. A 
 Man may as well hope todiltinguifhCo- 
 * lours in the Midft of Darknefs, as to 
 find out what to approve and difapprove 
 in Nonfenfe. You may as well aflault 
 an Army that is buried in Intrenchments. 
 If it affirms any thing, you cannot lay 
 hold of it; or if it denies, you cannot 
 confute it. In a Word, there are great- 
 er Depths and Obfcurities, greater In- 
 tricacies and Perplexities, in an elaborate 
 and well-written Piece of Nonfenfe, than 
 in the moil abftrufe and profound Tracl: 
 of School-Divinity. 
 
 * AFTER this fhort Panegyrick upon 
 Nonfenfe, which may appear as extrava- 
 
 ' gant
 
 298 The READER. N 5i 
 
 gant to an ordinary Reader as Erafmus's 
 Encomium of Folly; 1 muft here folemnly 
 proteit, that I have not done it to curry 
 Favour with my Antagonifl, or to reflect 
 any Praife in an oblique Manner upon 
 
 * the Letter to the Examiner: 1 have no 
 
 * private Confiderations to warp me into 
 ' this Controverfie, fmce my firil entring 
 c upon it. But before I proceed any fur- 
 
 * ther, becaufe it may be of great Ufe to 
 c me in this Difputeto ftate the whole Na- 
 ture of Nonfenfe,and becaufe it is aSub- 
 
 * jecl entirely new, I muft take notice that 
 there are two Kinds of it, viz. High 
 
 * Nonfenfe and Low Nonfenfe. 
 'LOW Nonfenfe is the Talent of a 
 
 * cold phlegmatick Temper, that in a poor 
 c difpirited Stile creeps along fervilely 
 
 * through Darknefs and Confufion. A 
 Writer of this Complexion gropes his 
 Way foftly amongft Self-Contradiftions, 
 ' and grovels in Abfurdities : Videri <vult 
 ' pauper , & eft pauper : He has neither 
 
 * Wit nor Senfe, and pretends to none. 
 
 * ON the contrary, your High Non- 
 c fenfe blufters and makes a Noife;itftalks 
 4 upon hard Words, and rattles thro' Po- 
 
 * lyfyllables. It is loud and fonorous, 
 c fmooth and periodical. It hasfomething 
 
 * in it like Manlinefs and Force, and makes 
 
 * one think of the Name of Sir Hercules 
 ' Nonfenfe in the Play called The Neft of 
 
 Fools.
 
 Na: The READER. 299 
 
 < Fools. In a Word 9 your High Nonfenfe 
 
 < has a majeftick Appearance, and wears 
 a moil tremenduous Garb, like Efofs 
 c Afs cloathed in a Lion's Skin. 
 
 WHfcN Ariflotle lay upon hisf)eath- 
 ' bed, and was asked whom he would ap- 
 ' point for hisSuccefforin his School, two 
 
 * of his Scholars being Candidates for it, 
 he called for two different Sorts of Wine, 
 
 * and by the Charader which he gave of 
 
 * them, denoted, the different Qualities, 
 and Perfections that fhewed themfelves 
 in the Stile and Writings of each of the 
 
 * Competitors. As rational Writings have 
 
 * been reprefented by Wine* I (hall repre- 
 c fent thofe Kinds of Writings we are now 
 
 < fpeaking of by Small-Beer. 
 
 LOW Nonfenfe is like that in the 
 
 < Barrel, which is altogether flat, taftelefs 
 
 * and infipid. High Nonfenfe is like that 
 
 < in the Bottle, which has in Reality no 
 ' more Strength and Spirit than the other, 
 
 * but frets, and flies, and bounces, and by 
 
 < the help of a little Wind that is gotin- 
 c to it, Imitates the Paflions of a much no- 
 bier Liquor. 
 
 * W E meet with a low groveling Non- 
 fenfe in every Grub-ftreet Production; 
 4 but I think there are none of our prefent 
 1 Writers who have hit the Sublime in Non- 
 
 1 fenfe, befides Dr. S / in Divinity, 
 
 4 and the Author of this Letter in Poli- 
 ticks;
 
 300 The R E A D E R. N 3. 
 
 ticks; between whofe Characters in their 
 refpedive Profeffions, there feems to be 
 a very nice Refemblance. 
 THERE isftill another Qualificati- 
 on in Nonfenfe which I muft not pafs o- 
 ver, being that which gives it the laft 
 Finifhing and Perfection. This is when 
 an Author without any Meaning feems 
 to have it, and fo impofes upon us by 
 the Sound and Ranging of his W ords, that 
 one is apt to fancy they fignifie fome- 
 thing. After having perufed fuch Writ- 
 ing, let the Reader confider what he has 
 learnt from it, and he will immediately 
 difcover the Deceit. 
 
 AS this excellent Difcourfe was admi- 
 rably fuited to the Day or Time on which 
 it was publifhed, viz. Ottob. 5-, 1710; fo, 
 like all things that are truly good, it is ftill 
 new and ufeful, and will prove very fer- 
 viceable toPerfonswho would be Criticks 
 in the modern Writings, efpecially thofe 
 of the Journalifls. The Examiner began 
 with that fort of Spirit which is defcribed 
 by High Nonfenfe ; but of late has ufedthat 
 Kind only which was laft defcribed, as 
 putting off no Meaning by the Sound and 
 Ranging of Words. Give me Leave there- 
 fore to exprefs, as a Reader, what Senti- 
 ments arife in me, and what Temper lam 
 left in by the Perufal of the Examiner and 
 
 Tofl-
 
 N3- T/tf R E A DE R. 301 
 
 P oft- Boy. The chief Aim and Purpofe of 
 thefe Authors WQ c Defomati9Jt 9 which both 
 carry on with Security. The Examiner ef- 
 capesPunifliment by being concealed ; the 
 Toft-Toy by being below Refentment. 
 There was about the Time of the Revolu- 
 tion a natural Fool they called Job in one 
 of the Colleges of Oxford. The Waggs 
 of that Time ufed to teach him fcandalous 
 Verfes, which he had Memory enough to 
 repeat, tho' not Wit enough to underitand. 
 The Poft-Boy is thus made ufe of by our Dab- 
 blers in Politicks ; he is the Vent for their 
 Crudities, before they appear in them 
 themfelves, and the Examiner is to argue 
 them into Reputation. Both thefe good 
 Works are carried on by -the Vehicle of 
 Nonfenfe The Nonfenfe of the Examiner 
 is compofed of Malice and Impudence ; 
 that of the Toft-Boy of Ignorance and Stu- 
 pidity. The Examiner \s a Criminal which is 
 not yet taken ; the Poft-Boy an AccefTory 
 that we know could not of himfelf have 
 entered into the Guilt. The Examiner 
 flies from the Law ; the Poft-Boy need not 
 fly, becaufe he is exempt from it as an I- 
 deot. But as this is really the State of 
 the Cafe, I muft own I cannot but be high- 
 ly furprized why feveral of the good Sub- 
 jefts of thefe Realms are afflifted or exalt- 
 ed at any of the Nonfenfe uttered bythofe 
 Authors ; for no one ought to hold him- 
 felf
 
 302 The READER. N*3. 
 
 felf commended or difparaged by thofe 
 who do not themfelves Hand in the View 
 of Mankind, under the fame Rules of Ex- 
 amination as to their own Adions with 
 the reft of the World. I therefore, by 
 the Force of natural Juftice and Reafon, 
 pronounce all theNonfenfe which the Ex- 
 aminer ever has, or ever fhall utter, let it 
 be never fo fublime, or never fo mifchie- 
 vous in it felf, to be of no EfFecl, or of 
 any Moment with regard to Life, Limb, 
 Honour, or Fame of any of HerMajefty's 
 Subjects, becaufe no one knows who he 
 is ; and I pronounce the fame of the Toft- 
 Boy, becaufe every body knows who he 
 is. 
 
 INDEED I could not but wonder how 
 the Toft-Boy fliould grow fo very famous 
 in this Nation as he has, ever fince I was 
 fhewed the Man's Perfon ; for he is a 
 Perfonage of a very inconfiderable Figure 
 for one that makes fo much Noife in the 
 World; whereas all others who have rifen 
 byNonfenfe have had fomething overbear- 
 ing and arrogant, and have had ufually ro- 
 buft Figures and lofty Language to fet 
 themfelves off. But I fliall do my Endea- 
 vour in my future Leclures to explain to 
 the World how it has happened that Non- 
 fenfe has been fo prevalent at fundry Times 
 in thefe Kingdoms; but I cannot go into 
 that Matter till I have made the Force of 
 
 Nonfenfe
 
 READER. 30? 
 
 Nonfenfe in general a little better under- 
 ftood, and fhewed from Machiavil how 
 by two Kinds of Perplexity, whi h he calls 
 in the Italian, Nonfenfe to the llnderftand- 
 ing, and Nonfenfe to the Conjcience^ he 
 could, for the Uie of the Ambitious, make 
 the Terms Honour, Juftice, and Truth 
 meer Words, and of no other Significati- 
 on, but what (hall ferve the Self-Intereft 
 of him who fliall utter them for his own 
 private Emolument. 
 
 N 4. Wednefday, Afril 28. 
 
 Nefas animam praferre pudori, Juv. 
 
 AFTER I had in my laft Lefture 
 confidered High Nonfenfe and Low 
 Nonfenfe, 1 proceeded in my Dif- 
 cuffion to a fecond Divifion of it, from a 
 Manufcript of the great Machzavzt, to 
 wit, into Nonfenfe to the Underflanding, 
 and Nonfenfe to the Confcience. That 
 famous Politician avers, that to carry con- 
 fiderable Points, efpecially in Aflemblies, 
 (next to the Hardnefs of caring for no- 
 thing elfe but carrying it) the main Matter 
 is to find out Perfons whom he calls in the 
 
 Italian
 
 3O4 The READER. NV 
 
 Italian Almoxartfafge, which, as far as we 
 can reach it in thetLnglilh, kgciifas Wrong 
 Fellows \ Men who have the fame Right 
 from Fortune to be Orators and give their 
 Suffrage, but differ in the Gifts of Nature. 
 Thefe Wrong Fellows have in them fome- 
 thing like Senfe which is not Senfe, but 
 enough to confound all the Senfe in the 
 \Vorld.. Thej are from being incapable 
 of conceivingVight at firft, alfo incapable 
 of being fet right after they have vented 
 their Perplexities. He recounts you a fa- 
 mous Initance of this among the Guelfs 
 and Ghtbelms, the Parties of Italy. There 
 was, faid he, among them a Perfon of 
 the flrtt Quality, whom no one in the 
 World ever did or could poflibly like, 
 that was in Nature both in Mind and Bo- 
 dy a Puzzle, from Head to Foot hideoufly 
 aukward, from his firil Conception to the 
 utmoft extent of his Judgment ridiculoufly 
 abfurd This Animal, the Leader of the 
 Ghibelins, ufed to put others upon faying 
 what he thought fit to interrupt Bufmefs, 
 or break into what he was afhamed, or 
 believed improper to begin himfelf. This 
 Perfon was Mafter of thatNonfenfe, which 
 was called above Nonfenfe to the ^nder- 
 ftandmg. What he faid every body could 
 obferve had nothing in it, and at the very 
 bell, which happened but feldom, was but 
 like the Truth ; but how to break in up- 
 on
 
 N 4. The READER. 30$ 
 
 on him, perplexed all the great Orators of 
 the Gitelfs. Thus he flood impregnable^ 
 and the Leader, inftead of having Com- 
 punftion forfuch a Piece of Humanity, to 
 the Difgrace of our Nature, {landing in an 
 illuitrious Ailembly calling forth Blunders 
 and Inconfiftencies, ufed to fit fheering to 
 obferve how impregnable his Fool was, 
 andexultingin himfelt thatitwasnot inthe 
 Compafs of all the Sciences either wholly 
 to aver he had uttered nothing to the pur- 
 pofe, or ro bring him to it. Many others 
 the Cheiftain of the Ghibelms had to fup- 
 port each other againft the firft Aflaults of 
 Senfe and Reafon ; and brought Nonfenfe 
 fo far into Faftrion, that they who knew 
 better would fpeak it by way of Triumph 
 Over thofe who went upon the Rules of 
 Logick. Wrong Fellows were his Ora- 
 tors, but this could not do only, without 
 Perfonswho were as much Mailers of that 
 kind of Nonfenfe, which my Author calls 
 Nonfenfe to the Confcience. 
 
 NOlSfSKNSE to the Confcience is 
 when the Party has arrived to fuch a Dif- 
 regard to Reafon and Truth, as hot to 
 follow it or acknowledge it wheri it pre- 
 fents it felf to him. This is the hardeft 
 Task in the World, and had very juftly 
 the greatell Wages from the Cheiftain : 
 For indeed, if we were to fpeak ferioufly, 
 this is the lowed Condition of Life that carl 
 X poffibiy
 
 306 The READER. N 4- 
 
 pofRbly be imagined; for it is literally 
 giving up Life, as it is humane, which 
 defcends to that of a Bead when it is not 
 conducted by Reafon, and Hill is worfe 
 when it is puflied againft Reafon. Now 
 all thofe Parties of the Species which we 
 call Majorities, when they do Things up- 
 on the meer Force of being fuch, are aciu- 
 ated by the Force of Nonfenfe of Confci- 
 ence ; by which Machiavil meant, that 
 the doing any thing with Nonfenfe, that 
 is without Senfe of the Honour and Juftice 
 of it, was what he called Pufhing Things 
 by the Nonfenfe of Confcience. But that 
 arch Politician proceeds in the Manufcript 
 I am fpeaking of, to obferve, that Non- 
 fenfe was not to be ufed but as an Expe- 
 dient ; for it would fail in the Repetition 
 of it, and the Underftanding would fo 
 goad the Confcience, that no Potentate 
 has Revenue enough to pay reafonable 
 Men for a long Series of nonfenfical Ser- 
 vice. They will, quoth he, occafionally, 
 and now and then, give into an Enormi- 
 ty, and pafs by what they do not approve, 
 and laugh at themfelves for fo doing : But 
 there is fomething latent in the Dignity of 
 their Nature, which will recoil, and raife 
 in them an Indignation againft herding for 
 ever with the Half-witted and the Abfurd ; 
 and being confcious that their Concur- 
 rence is an aggravated Tranfgreflion, in 
 
 that
 
 N 4 . The READER. 307 
 
 that it is the Support of thofe who in them- 
 felves are incapable either of the Guilt or 
 Shame of what they are managed to pro- 
 mote. 
 
 MY Author further adds, that the Ufe 
 of Nonfenfe of Confcience will fail alfo in 
 Procefs of Time, not only from the De- 
 feftion of the Numbers of thofe who aft 
 under it, but alfo from the little Effect it 
 would foon have upon all the World, be- 
 fides thofe Numbers ; for which Reafon he 
 advifes, that now and then they fliould be 
 put upon fomething that is good to fatisfy 
 the Multitude. For, fays that fagacious 
 Man, the People are always honeft; you 
 lead them into wrong Things but as long 
 as you keep up the Appearance of Right; 
 for which Reafon he advifes never to for- 
 bear the Ufe at leait tfVerifimilitudes\ and 
 indeed, he fays, it was bynegledingthat, 
 all the feniible Men, both Guelfs and Ghi- 
 belinsi came together out of meer Shame, 
 and received one another without making 
 Explanations or Expoftulations upon what 
 had happened when they differed, when 
 they could end in nothing but how fillily 
 you aded? How contemptibly youfuffer- 
 ed? 
 
 THE moft excellent Authors of this 
 our Age, as to Proficiency in Nonfenfe, 
 are thofe who talk of Faction, and pre- 
 tend to tell others that they are Spreaders 
 X * of
 
 308 The READER. N 4- 
 
 of falfe Fears and Jealoufies. The Exami- 
 ner of the x6thfays, * WehaveaFaclionin 
 our Bowels, who, when it comes to their 
 Turn to fubmit, make no Difference be- 
 tween Liberty and Power, that all their 
 Bufinefs may be only to fquabble about 
 the Profits. Now he fays this either as 
 an Incendiary or an Informer; if the latter, 
 let him name who are in this Faftion; if 
 he will not do that, we are to fet down 
 the Word Faftion among the reft of his 
 Jargon of High Nonfenfe, and difmifshim 
 with an Inclination only, not Power, to 
 do more Mifchief. But, as I conceive, he 
 had a younger Brother born to him the 
 fame Day of my firft Appearance, and is 
 named the Monitor. He begins with the 
 old Trick of the Pickpockets, who commit 
 a Robbery, and join in the Cry after the 
 Offender. The Purpofe of bis Paper, if 
 it is not to pafs into the Realms of Non- 
 fenfe alfo, is to lay a Foundation for mak- 
 ing Exceptions againft a certain Prince's 
 Behaviour who is expeded in England. 
 He lays before us, That the Duke of 
 
 * Gutje was an hot and ambitious Prince, 
 
 * who took ill Courfes and undid himfelf. 
 
 * Had the King, fays he, with a timely 
 
 * Severity, taken Care to have caufed 
 
 * thofe Libels, however trifling and how- 
 
 * ever infignificant, to be fuppreffed, or 
 
 * by folid Reafon and good Evidence to 
 
 ' have
 
 N 4- The READER. 309 
 
 have been detededand expofed, the fa- 
 tal EfFedts which they produced had been 
 in a great Meafure avoided. Then for 
 Application he fays of Libelling, ' Seeing 
 then the fame Evil, and that with too 
 much Succefs, is already begun among 
 us, and the fame Neglecl of it appears 
 in our Government as did in France, 
 thinking them not capable of doing fo 
 much Mifchief as they really did; why 
 may we not apprehend Confequences, 
 tho' not fo extraordinarily fatal, yetfuf- 
 ' ficiently dangerous, and fuch as call for 
 * a timely Redrefs ?' 1 find there is no Help 
 for it, this Writer muft be patted upon the 
 Foot of the Nonfenfical alfo : Does he tell 
 a Government they are guilty of Neglefi, 
 and call any other Men Libellers? He 
 muft name his Offenders, and bring them 
 before Juftice, or he is one himfelf. It is 
 ftrange Want of Skill (in the Examiner, 
 and fuch Imitators of him as this fameM?- 
 nitor begins to Ihew himfelf) in the Choice 
 of Tools, to make ufe of Creatures that 
 fay Things, in which it would be a Fault 
 to tolerate them, if they were not employ- 
 ed by themfelves. 
 
 BUT I fhall take upon me to keep a 
 find Eye upon their Behaviour, andfcrib- 
 ble as faft as they: For when they give up 
 all Rules of Honour and Confcience to 
 hurt and betray the Liberties of Mankind, 
 X 3 I
 
 3io The READE R. N 4- 
 
 I fhall facrifice fmallerConfiderations, and 
 venture now and then to write Nonfenfe 
 for the Good of my Country 
 
 ADVERTISEMEN T. 
 
 THE Fattion is humbly dejlrcd to read 
 carefully the following Satyr againfl Sediti- 
 on in the Examiner, and amend their Lives 
 if they underftand it, 
 
 ' WHAT a noble Opportunity would 
 the fame Cervantes have, to improve his 
 Art, and carry this way of Writing much 
 further; were he now alive, and as con- 
 verfant in our Affairs, as in the Hu- 
 mours of his own Country? The fame 
 Martial Madnefs is broke out among us ; 
 a Diflemper more raging and violent, 
 and productive of more ridiculous, and 
 far more dangerous Effects. Inftead of 
 touching here and there a weak Head, 
 or reaching only to a few frolickfome In- 
 dividuals, it has infecled whole Bodies 
 and Societies of Warlike Enthujiafts: 
 The Party is aimed as itrong as the De- 
 lufion with which they are animated; 
 and our Romantick Madmen march up 
 and down in Troops and Squadrons: 
 The Regularity and Refemblance of 
 their Frenzy creates Order and Difci- 
 pline. We have our Books and Legends 
 of Chivalry ', containing the Feats and 
 Adventures of Errant Saints^ of Holy 
 Alman&ors and ^DrawncattJtreS) bound 
 
 f by
 
 N4: The READER, 31 1 
 
 by drift Vow, and aflifled by Sages and 
 Magicians', who deitroyed Nations, 
 made whole Kingdoms do Homage and 
 pay Tribute to their Mightinefs ; tamed 
 the Beaft, and kept the great Whore un- 
 der; trod upon the Necks of //;?.$, and 
 kick'd Crowns and Septres before them ; 
 relieved the DiftrefTed by changing their 
 Condition; freed Mankind for their 
 own Ufe, and turned the World, as Ar- 
 tificers whirl about the Globe, to prove 
 the Regularity of its Motion. Some of 
 thefe Knights were by Birth gentle and 
 of low Degree ; fo called from the Teftle, 
 the Golden Fleece, the Truncheon, or 
 the Brazen Helmet: Others had been 
 Tages, 'Dwarfs, and Squires, and many 
 of them were forced to go a great way 
 in Search of their Parentage: And yet 
 the Honours they acquired, the Spoils 
 they won, and the Dominions they con- 
 quered, vaftly furpafs'd the lefTer Ac- 
 quifitions of a Miftrefs*s Scarf, a Sala- 
 dirfs TD aught er, a Sett of Armour, a Cup- 
 boardofTlate, won at fome Tournament 5 
 a Caftle, a Talace, or even than the rich 
 Pofleffions of the Iflands of Tines, Bat- 
 tar ar a o r of Forcd-meat Balls. 
 
 X 4 Friday,
 
 312 The READER. N 5 
 
 N5. Friday* April 30. 
 
 Ingentla cerncs 
 
 idifurgentemquenovtf Canhaginis Arcem. Virg. 
 
 I Take upon me, as a Reader, among 
 other Things, to make my plain Ob- 
 fervations upon the Papers as they come 
 out; and the News I read Yeflerday has 
 given Occafion to the following Letter, 
 which, out of Zeal to my Country, I writ 
 to my Lord Mayor's Gentleman of the 
 Horfe, who I think ought to fend us Scrib- 
 blers, when we are fawcy, to the Green- 
 Tard, as well as unruly Hackney-Coach- 
 men and other Tranfgreflbrs in the Streets 
 of London. But all I can do is only to take 
 notice of Things, and leave the Redrefs 
 to the proper Officers. 
 
 To the Sword-Bearer of London. 
 SIR, 
 
 I have not the Honour 
 to be acquainted with you, yet 1 
 have always with great Delight and Sa- 
 tisfadion beheld you carry that awful 
 Weapon which you have the Honour to 
 
 bear
 
 N 5- The RE A D E R. 313 
 
 e bear before the chief Magiftrate of this 
 c renowned and wealthy Guy. The ma- 
 f ny Fears and Jealoufies which are with 
 c much Care and Diligence fpread among 
 4 the Multitude, only becaufe fome People 
 
 * have not as much Courage as others, have 
 
 * been apt to intimidate me, among many 
 other well-meaning good Subjects . Thofe 
 
 * Rumours are chiefly about the Pretend- 
 
 * er, and the Demolition of Dunkirk ; as 
 
 * if the French King, who has done us 
 ' no manner of Harm ever fince the Time 
 was expired in which he ihouldhave de^ 
 
 * moliflied that Place, would do it now. 
 
 * This is being fufpicious out of meer Hu- 
 ' mour and Temper of Mind, not from 
 
 * Reafon. It is true indeed, 'he has de- 
 
 * itroyed the Works of the Town, but 
 ' that was fince it was an Englijh Garri- 
 ' fon; and though he is obliged in Ho- 
 
 * nour not to hurt us, who can blame him 
 for not leaving it in our Power to hurt 
 ' him? 'Dunkirk then is demolifhed as it 
 
 * is an ;/g7//^Garrifon, but is it not yet in 
 c Being as it is a French Harbour? And 
 e now when Things are in this Condition, I 
 think we cannot enough applaud his mofl 
 c Chriftian Majefty, in that we have not re- 
 
 * ceived any manner of Hurt from him, 
 4 though fo much is in his Power. There- 
 fore 1 muft needs fay, and I fay it from 
 a great Refpeft to his Majeity's Faith
 
 H4 The READER. N ?. 
 
 and Honour, that I am of Opinion he 
 will not fend the Pretender amongftus; 
 but if Ambition fhould come into the 
 Thoughts of fo pious a Prince, after the 
 Disbanding fo many of our Forces, and 
 that the few we have left lie in Parts fo 
 diltant from each other, I place great 
 Confidence, let me tell you, Sir, in you, 
 and hope that on fuch an Occafion you 
 will exert your felf according to your 
 Office. Be pleafed, Sir, to remember, 
 that a Lord Mayor of London, in the 
 Reign of King Richard* difpatched Wat 
 Tyler at the Head of his Followers. He 
 did it, as the Hillory fays, with a Dag- 
 ger: How much more, Sir, is it expect- 
 ed of you to cut off the Pretender with 
 that great Sword which you bear with 
 fo much Calmnefs,which'is always a Sign 
 of Courage? Let me tell you, Sir, in the 
 prefent pofture of Affairs, 1 think it feems 
 to be expefted of you ; and I cannot but 
 advife you, if he mould offer to land, or 
 indeed if he fhould fo much as come up 
 theRiver, to take the Water-Bayliffwith 
 you, and cut off his Head. I would not 
 fo much, if I were you, as tell him who 
 I was till I had done it. He is Outlaw'd, 
 and I Hand to it, that if the Water Bay- 
 liff is with you, and concurs, you may 
 do it on the Thames \ but if he offers to 
 land, it is out of all Queftion you may 
 
 do
 
 N?: The READER. 31$ 
 
 ' do it by Vertue of your Poft, without 
 
 waiting for Orders. It is from this Com- 
 
 c fort and Support that, in fpite of what 
 
 < all the Malecontents in the World can 
 
 < fay, I have no manner of Fear of the 
 
 < Pretender. 
 
 < STOCKS rife meerly upon Reports 
 c to the Difadvantage of the Pretender; 
 
 * you may eafily imagine how much they 
 c will rife, if you will be fo good as to cut 
 4 offhis Head. To tell you the Truth, what 
 
 * makes me prefs the Matter fo much is, 
 
 * that one of the News Papers of Yefler- 
 ' day has it thus ; 
 
 London, April 19. 
 
 "YESTERDAY arrived Letters 
 " from ^Dunkirk dated the xxd of April. 
 " They advife that on the Friday folio w- 
 " ing, 15- Battalions were expected there, 
 " to begin to cut the new Harbour defign- 
 " ed to be made at Mardyke, which 'twas 
 " judged will be more commodious than 
 " ever that of T>unkirk was: That xoo 
 * c Carpenters are employed to take up and 
 " fave the Timber of the Jette'es of the 
 * c Harbour of 'Dunkirk, that it may be 
 c; ufed in the new intended Harbour. 
 " They add, that Men were going hard 
 " to work to fill up that Part of the Har- 
 " bour tf'Dunkirk next the Town, and 
 <c therefore all the Shipping in that Part of 
 
 " the
 
 3i6 The READER. N ?. 
 
 " the Harbour were ordered to fall down 
 " to the Haven-Port in three or four Days 
 " at furtheit. 
 
 * I beg of your Serenity to be upon your 
 Guard, for I am one of thofe that hate 
 to have it in any one's Power to do me 
 a Mifchief. Suppofe thefe 15- Battalli- 
 ons fhould have a Mind and get Leave 
 to come for England with the Pretend- 
 der, if you do not look fharp and do 
 your Office like a brave Man and a wor- 
 thy Citizen, how do you know but we 
 might be undone before we could get 
 Fifteen Battallions together againft him? 
 But itfeems thofe Battallions are brought 
 down only to work at a new Harbour 
 in the Neighbourhood of that which 
 they have now at 'Dunkirk. You may 
 be fure that mull be a Jeft ; for fure the 
 French could not have the Impudence to 
 do fuch a thing? 1 fwear to you, I think 
 that would be ufing us worfe than for- 
 bearing to abolifh the Harbour they have 
 already. This would be an fnjuitice to 
 our Properties, but that would be an In- 
 fult alfo upon our Underflandings. We 
 fliould be the Shame of Nations to be put 
 off with fo palpable an Evafion. But if 
 there fhould be any fuch Attempt as com- 
 ing upon us, I earneftly recommend it 
 to your Serenity to draw that dead-do- 
 
 ' ing
 
 READER. 317 
 
 * ing Blade, and you will be had in ever- 
 4 laiting Honour by, 
 
 SIR, Tour great Admirer , 
 
 and mofl humble Servant, 
 Englifh Reader. 
 
 Extract from a 'Pamphlet, wiled, The 
 Importance of 'Dunkirk conndered. 
 
 THAT the Briti/h Nation exped 
 the immediate Demolition of it. 
 
 < THAT the very common People 
 c know, that within two Months after the 
 
 < figning of the Peace, the Works towards 
 c the Sea were to be demolilhed, and with- 
 in three Months after it the Works to- 
 
 < wards the Land. 
 
 < THAT the faid Peace was figned 
 
 < the laft of March O. S. 
 
 4 THAT the Britijh Nation received 
 
 * more Damage in their Trade from the 
 Port of ''Dunkirk, than from almoft all 
 the Ports of France, either in the Ocean 
 or in the Mediterranean. 
 
 * THAT the Pretender failed from 
 
 * thence to Scotland; and that it is the on- 
 4 ly Port the French have till you come to 
 
 * Brefty for the whole Length of St.Georgis 
 
 < Chan-
 
 3i8 The READER. N$-. 
 
 Channel, where any confiderable Naval 
 Armament can be made. 
 
 THAT the Situation of ^Dunkirk is 
 s fuch, as that it may always keep Run- 
 < ners to obferve all bhips failing on the 
 4 Thames and Medway. 
 
 < THAT whether it may be advan- 
 
 * tageous to the Trade of Holland or not 
 that 'Dunkirk fhould be demolifhed, it 
 is neceiTary for the Safety, Honour, and 
 
 * Liberty^br England that it fhould be fo. 
 
 ' THAT when 'Dunkirk is demolifh- 
 c ed, the Power of France, on that Side, 
 ihould it ever be turned againft us, will 
 
 * be removed feveral hundred Miles fur- 
 
 * ther off of Great Britain than it is at 
 
 * prefent. 
 
 THAT the demolition of Dunkirk 
 c will remove France many hundred Miles 
 further off from us. 
 
 A CAVEAT. 
 
 THE Paper called The Monitors im- 
 pudent and traiterous : He dared Yefter- 
 day to print the Words hereafter recited. 
 He is a Follower of the Examiner ', a Tool 
 who, like him, under Pretence of vindi- 
 cating Her Majefty's Servants, fuggeits 
 things againfl Her Honour and Dignity, 
 which it is criminal to mention, but to re- 
 mind thofe in Power to vindicateHer facred 
 
 Name
 
 N 6. T/K? READER. 319 
 
 Name and Charader from his Scurrility. 
 
 His Words are thefe : 
 
 'HOW can it but be uneajie to Her 
 Majefly, to have a People whom ihe 
 has done fo much for, and whom, with 
 fo much Juftice, Moderation Clemen- 
 cy, and Goodnefs ihe has governed; 
 whofe Safety has been fo much Her 
 Care, and to whom Ihe never deny'd 
 anything; now fall upon Her Admini- 
 ftration as dangerous to the Nation, and 
 reproach Her with Defigns to betray 
 them to the Tretender ? 
 
 N6. Monday, May 3. 
 
 The Conftitution in Church and State muft 
 be the Meajure and Standard of every 
 Tub lick Terfotis Character, the Sum of 
 his 'Pretenfions, the Mark ofbisConver- 
 fion or Steddinefs y and the Tenure of his 
 Greatnefs and Authority. 
 
 Exam. Numb. 44, 
 
 A Reader that has any Underflanding 
 is naturally a Commentator. This 
 is a moil remarkable Sentence, 
 which I have taken out of the lail Exami- 
 ner: It occafioned me to turn to fome 
 
 Aflertions
 
 32O The READER. N6- 
 
 Aflertions in an Half-Sheet, intitled, A 
 Letter to Sir Miles W barton concerning 
 Occasional Veers. The Writer of that 
 Letter fays, ' When I coniider the Dan- 
 ger of making Qccafional Lords, and 
 lay before the World this fatal Novelty, 
 as it affecrfo the Queen's mod excellent 
 Majefty, the Houfe of Peers* and the 
 whole People of England; I aflert, that 
 the numerous Creation of Peers is the 
 greated Wound that can be given to the 
 Prerogative. A Peer and his Heirs are 
 Checks in the Legiilature to the Queen 
 and Her Heirs; that Part of the Legif- 
 lature which is in the Queen, is appa- 
 rently diminilhedby fo much as She gives 
 out of it from her own into other fami- 
 lies. This is equally deitrudive with 
 relation to the Merit of the Perfons on 
 whom Honour is conferred ; if they hap- 
 pen to be Men who are barely unblame- 
 able, without Talents or high Qualifica- 
 tions, they do but crowd that illuftrious 
 Aflemb'ly, and like all other Crowds, 
 they are ferviceable and hurtful but jufl 
 as they are infpired by thofe who have 
 Skill to lead them. As to the Houfe of 
 Teers, it is vifible that the Power of 
 each Lord is fo much lefs confiderable 
 as it is repeated in other Perfons; but 
 the great Hardfliip to that great and aw- 
 . ful Body, whofe Privileges have fo of- 
 
 ten
 
 N. The READER. 321 
 
 ten been a Safety and Protection to the 
 
 * Rights of us below the.m; I fay, the great 
 
 * Hardfhiptothefe Noble Patriots is, that 
 when they are prepared with the molt 
 
 * Uriel Honour and Integrity to do their 
 
 * Duty in relation to their Prince and 
 
 * Country, all their Determinations may 
 c be avoided by a Set of People brought 
 in the Moment before they come to 
 a Queftion. Now when we come to 
 c confider the Introduction of Occafional 
 
 * Lords with regard to the Teofle^ what 
 ' can be more plain, than that it is doing 
 
 * all that is necefTary to take from them 
 
 * both Liberty and Property at once: For 
 4 from the very Moment a Man has a Pa- 
 
 * tent, and is introduced into the Houfe 
 
 * of Peers, Men appeal to him from the 
 Decree of all the Judges, Befides this, 
 the Lords are perpetual Legiflators, and 
 
 * have an Hand in the repealing as well as 
 
 * making Laws; by which means the 
 
 * whole Conftitution may be fubverted by 
 
 * this one Innovation. And it is plain, 
 c that the Prince who mould place fo en- 
 
 * tire a Confidence in his Miniftry, as to 
 c give Peerage upon their Recornmenda- 
 
 * tion, would enable them by that Power 
 c in the Legiflature, joined to the Execu- 
 
 * tion of the Regal Authority as Miniflers, 
 
 * to give that Prince and Nation to the 
 next Potentate who fhould be powerful 
 
 Y * enough
 
 322 The READER. 
 
 c enough to receive and mantain fo vaft a 
 * Prefent. 
 
 THE Examiner has of late a Second, 
 who fets out as harden'd in Iniquity as 
 himfelf, who is an old Sinner; I mean the 
 Monitor. He has the fame heavy Endea- 
 vour to be witty, the fame Choler cor- 
 rected by the fame Phlegm. This Author 
 fays, His Bufinefs is not much with the 
 Authors of 'Pamphlets, but with the Tle- 
 flgn of them, He does not flick to this De- 
 claration, which (as the Lyes of his Abet- 
 tors are only for one Day) was to ferve 
 but for that Page. At the Beginning of 
 the next Page, without Regard to any 
 Decency in the World, he owns he falls 
 upon a Gentleman, who is a Man of Dig- 
 nity. c We begin, fays he, with a Man 
 of Charafter, lately become a Scribe with- 
 
 < out Doors, the well known Bullyman- 
 
 * dra. A Man of great Words he had 
 
 * long been, but confined himfelf to the 
 Speeches occafionally made in Publick 
 e Aflemblies; till of late finding it needful 
 to fpeak more extenfively, he lifted in 
 
 * the Roll of Libellers, and became a Pro- 
 
 < ficient in mod of their Talents, efpecial- 
 c ty that of Arrogance and LYING. 
 
 THIS ftupid doggrel Term of Bully- 
 mandra is given to turn an open Behaviour 
 and honeft Countenance, a noble Elocuti- 
 on, and many other Qualities which ren- 
 der
 
 READ E R. 323 
 
 der the Gentleman the Object of Refpeft 
 and Love to all that know him, into Bur- 
 lefque. But thefe little Tools may well 
 endeavour to debafe thofe Excellences and 
 Endowments which render their pitiful 
 Shifts and Artifice* ufelefs. This Gentle- 
 man is a perfeft Mailer in Buimefs, and 
 has fo clear an Head, that he communi- 
 cates his Thoughts as perfpicuouflyas they 
 are placed in his own Mind. For this Rea- 
 fon every wily Block-head, whofe Brain 
 dribbles crude Conceptions, on a Tongue 
 that hefitates in the Reprefentation of 
 them, looks with Envy at a Capacity that 
 at once both expofes and confutes him. A 
 manly Refolution to perfift in the Right 
 in an honeft Caufe, and Qualities to make 
 that Caufe fhine in the Midft of all that 
 Iniquity and Craft can invent to opprefsit, 
 are never to be forgiven. It has been ever 
 the Cuftom of thefe Tools, to turn all the 
 Infmuations which they believe may affect 
 Courtiers upon Her Majeity. After he 
 has in a cavilling way fallen upon this 
 worthy Gentleman as no lefs than a Liar, 
 for faying ^Dunkirk was not demolifhed, 
 and that the Completion of that Work would 
 be deferred to Chriflmas ; he has the Impu- 
 dence to take no Notice that it is not yet 
 done, and to add, Notorioujly ftlfe ! For 
 it was begun when Her Majefy thought it 
 f roper* and the comfleating it not limited 
 Y 2 to
 
 324 The READER. N. 
 
 to any Time. After this barbarous In finua- 
 tion againft our Sovereign, that Gentle- 
 man may well reft fatisfied with his Share 
 of Slander from him. It is worthy Repe- 
 tition ; this Man fays the Demolition was 
 begun when Her Maje.fty thought it pro- 
 per, and the compleating it not limited to 
 a Time. 
 
 THIS Author forms himfelf upon the 
 Examiner in the Practice of Impudence, 
 Scandal, and Prevarication; and goes on 
 in his Paper to attack a much lefs confider- 
 able Man than the former, againft whom, 
 indeed, he has the Vote of the prefenc 
 fitting Houfe of Commons. But there is 
 nothing in that Vote which authorifes any 
 Man to call Mr. Steele a Liar for what he 
 has fatd about 'Dunkirk. The heavy Dif- 
 pleafure of the Commons of Great Bri- 
 tain would have been a Protection from 
 Infult with a Man of any Humanity, ra- 
 ther than have given Occafion to add to 
 the Diftrefs. It would have become a 
 good Subject and an honeft Man, rather 
 to have lamented this Misfortune of a 
 Commoner of 'Great Britain expelled from 
 his Seat,and have made Arguments in Behalf 
 of himfelf and all his Fellow-Subjefts, that 
 the like Penalty for lefs Offences may not 
 befall better Men in future Parliaments. 
 Put the Cafe that any great Man ihould at 
 any time lay a Deiign of removing a Man 
 
 he
 
 Ntf; The READER, 325 
 
 he did not like out of the Houfe of Com- 
 mons, and fliould be able to effect it upon 
 Accusations of him for the Errors of his 
 former Life : Now I fay fuppofing this, and 
 granting that the Crown can make Lords 
 when it pleafes ; Lords added by half Do- 
 zens, and Commoners removed one by 
 one, would quickly invert the Conitituti- 
 on, and deftroy the Britim Government. 
 THE dull Rogue accufmg Steele of 
 writing Lies, and fpeaking of the Crifis, 
 fays, Tet here alfo palpable Faljhood is ap~ 
 parent; and then quotes thefe Words, The 
 mofl important Article between France and 
 England is the demolifb'wg of Dunk irk. 
 That is falfe in it felf> fays the Monitory 
 and naming other Circumdances, among 
 which is the Renunciation of Spain by 
 France and France by Spain, he avers of 
 them, that they are more important than 
 the Demolition vi 'Dunkirk. Why it may 
 be fo, and yetStee/e may have fpoken very 
 honeflly. Suppofe I fliould fay Adultery is 
 the greateit of all Sins, can you reckon 
 me a Liar becaufe you think Idolatry a 
 greater? But it is endlefs to talk to thefe 
 muddy, perplexed, malicious, blundering 
 Rogues; they cannot diitinguilh between 
 what a Man fays by way of Opinion, and 
 what he relates as a Reprefentation of a 
 Fad. 
 
 Y 3 BUT
 
 326 The READER: N *. 
 
 BUT I am glad to hear, now I am 
 fpeaking of Mr. Steels* that he is turning 
 his Thoughts to Services which may be of 
 greater yie to the Publick, and lefs ex- 
 ceptionable with regard to himfelf, than 
 controverfial Writings can poflibly be from 
 a Man againft whom there is formed fo 
 flrong a Prejudice. There are, I am in- 
 formed, in his Cuftody, proper Materials 
 for the Hiftory of the War in Flanders-^ 
 and it feems the Relation will commence 
 from the Date of the Duke of Marlborougtis 
 Commiffions of Captain-General and Ple- 
 nipotentiary, and end with the Expirati- 
 on of thole Commiffions. I doubt not 
 but he knows well enough how much a 
 Partisan he is thought, and will therefore 
 produce fufficient Authorities for what he 
 fhall write. It is not doubted but this Hi- 
 flory, formed from the mod authentick 
 Papers, and all themoftfecret Intelligence 
 which can be communicated with Safety 
 to Perfons now living, and in the Confi- 
 dence of foreign Courts, will be very en- 
 tertaining, and put the Services of Her 
 Majefly's Minifters at home and abroad in 
 a true Light. The Work is to be in F0//0, 
 and Propofals for the Encouragement of 
 it may be feen at Mr, Tonjbtfs, Bookfeller, 
 in the Strand. 
 
 Wednefday^
 
 N7. Tfo READER. 327 
 
 N 7. Wednefday> May 5. 
 
 Men engaged in ill *Defigns muft fuit their 
 Tools to their Work y and make choice of 
 Agents ft to do the Bufinefs that is 
 ajfigned them. 
 
 Exam. May 3, 1714. 
 
 THERE can be no greater Com- 
 mendation to an Author, than that 
 ha ads and comes up in his Pract- 
 ice to the Maxims which he lays down 
 for the Inftrudion of others. The Exa- 
 miner ought therefore to be juftly celebrated 
 for making the above Apology in Behalf 
 of thofe who employ him, and of himfelf, 
 who has performed to his utmofl Ability 
 the Work in which he was employed. The 
 profefled, or at leaft apparent, Defign of 
 this Author fmce he firtt began, has been 
 tovillifie in Adminiftration which render- 
 ed the Kingdom of England the Terror 
 of its Enemies and the Refuge of its 
 Friends; and he has done as much in this 
 good Work as the Caufe would bear, 
 which could not poflibly be promoted but 
 by two Methods, the one to keep up po- 
 pular Prejudices, the other to difparage 
 V 4 Men
 
 32S Tfe* READER. N r. 
 
 Men of great Reputation on the contra- 
 ry Side. 
 
 THIS is fo truly his Character, that 
 there is no one Paper of his which does not 
 afford us Examples of this Practice. As to 
 the Point of general Prejudice, he fays of 
 thofe whom he calls the Whigs, < If they 
 could not find Men either more zealous 
 
 * for a Jingle Family than for the Conflitu- 
 
 * tion, or who were in poffeflion of fome 
 Principles prejudicial either to the Rights 
 
 * of the Crown or the Church, or who 
 6 had given Proofs of their preferring the 
 c Interefts of their Tarty to the Laws, 
 ( Religion, and Liberties of their Country : 
 
 * If they could not meet with Perfons at 
 c leail indifferent in their Sentiments of 
 
 * Loyalty and Regard for the Church, ra- 
 6 ther than want Tools, or hazard their 
 c Caufe in the Hands of honeft Men, they 
 would refort to the open implacable E- 
 
 * nemies of both, and lavifh their Favours 
 
 * upon profefs'd Republicans, Free-think- 
 
 * ers, 'Dei/ts, Socinians, Occafanal-Con- 
 
 * formifts, both by themielves and all their 
 
 * Acquaintance. 
 
 THIS long Accufation alludes to no one 
 Circumftance in the World, nor was there 
 ever one Man of that Character preferred 
 under the late Miniitry. And this great 
 Mailer in Tautology, who has faid the 
 fame thing ten thoufand times with the 
 
 moft
 
 N ;- The READER. 329 
 
 mod impudent Falihood, has never pro- 
 duced one (ingle Inftance of fuch a Mifap- 
 plicationofthe publick Favour. In this Par- 
 ticular therefore the Tool has very well ac- 
 quitted himfelf of the Employment to 
 which he was ajfigned. 
 
 NOW as to the difparaging Men of great 
 Reputation, he has abufed every Man that 
 was confpicuous in the late War for the 
 Liberties of Mankind, from the Emperor 
 of Germany to a disbanded Subaltern. But 
 I fhallnot run back to his former great Ex- 
 ploits, but confider only his lad Paper, 
 with principal Regard to his Aflertion which 
 I have placed at the Head of this. He 
 fays, c Leffer Ills muft be fupported by 
 
 * Greater ; and Providence hath fo order- 
 
 * ed it, for the Good of Mankind and Peace 
 c of Societies, that /// Trinciples and /// 
 
 < Condutt naturally go together. But ftili 
 I infifl, that, in general, the Defign of 
 thefe Men to flrengthen themfelves, to 
 find out and to diftinguifli what they 
 calPd Merit and Service 9 to keep their 
 
 * Body clofely and firmly united, and to 
 
 < crufli all Oppolition in its earlieft At- 
 tempts, was a Proof of their excelling in 
 Prudence and worldly Wifdom ; and they 
 c thereby iliew'd themfelves to be at leaft 
 c as wife in their Generation as thofe who 
 
 * came after them. 
 
 THIS
 
 33O The READER. N7- 
 
 THIS is a very plain Declaration that 
 thefe Leaders of theWhigs ex eel led in 'Pru- 
 dence and Worldly Wifdom. One would 
 have thought worldly Wifdom would ne- 
 ver have been mentioned as a fubordinate 
 Character in Men of Bufinefs; but it feems 
 thofe of that Character now, according to 
 this AiTertion of the Examiner^ are Babes 
 of Grace: The Innocents are averfe to the 
 Wiles and Stratagems of the Wicked, and 
 they are too pious for the Affairs of this 
 World. They, alas! good Men, carry the 
 Chriftian Inftrudion of forgiving their E- 
 nemies to an Excefs that is to be allowed 
 to Men abftrafted from all the Temprati- 
 ons of this Life; and know that whatever 
 can happen, it muft go well with the 
 Saints. 
 
 THE Examiner has plainly fhewn, that 
 the chief Imputation againft the late Lea- 
 ders in the Faftrion of the World, was their 
 Sinfulnefs; and the Weaknefs of the pre- 
 fent, their too much Piety. Speaking of 
 the former and the latter, he fays Theyjbew- 
 ed themfelves to be at leafl as wife in their 
 Generation af thofe who came after them. 
 This godly Phrai'e of as wife in their Ge- 
 neration^ tho' it may aptly fit the Wicked, 
 of whom he fpeaks it ; yet there is aTran- 
 fpofiuon of Perfons and Things, which 
 makes it approach very near to what we 
 call Nonfenie. It is an odd way of fpeak-
 
 N 7- THREADER. 331 
 
 ing, to compare a Man's Carnage to that 
 ofthofe who come after him; but at the 
 fame time I acknowledge it a Favour that 
 he allows them as wife, though they had 
 pot the Advantage of their Example. But 
 alas! when we confider that they were on- 
 ly as wife in things of this World, we 
 mult, by that Circumftance, account, that 
 what Good they were capable of doing 
 had a Duration accordingly, and could 
 not poflibly be fo Jailing and effectual as 
 thofe which are done by Saints and new 
 Converts. 
 
 IF Men take Things as we ought, and 
 with the Chearfulnefs this good Man the 
 Examiner advifes upon the thorough Re- 
 formation which is now ofenly talked of, 
 and, our Author fays, fome Steps have 
 been taken towards it; the Saints are con- 
 triving for the Edification of fome People, 
 who, perhaps, for want of a fpirhual Cair, 
 make take ic for an Affliction to lofe an 
 Employment. Our Author exhorts them 
 againft Temptation in the following com- 
 fortable Words : c Their Difmiffion, which 
 f was only a Right before, would then 
 
 * become an Acl of Juftice, highly fafe 
 f and necefTary, if they Ihould afliime a 
 
 * new Spirit of Turbulency and Uneafmefs 
 
 * at their going off; and their very Friends, 
 f inflead of pitying their Misfortune, would 
 
 c then
 
 332 The READER. N 7 . 
 
 then be more ready to wonder why it 
 c happen'd no fooner. 
 
 THIS righteous Author fpeaks this as 
 a Churchman, and has his Eye only upon 
 the Goods of the Spirit : He prepares there- 
 fore all fuch as are to receive Difgraces 
 and Affiiftions, not to miftake them as 
 Things not meant for their Good. An 
 Aftion is always to be underflood and inter- 
 preted by the Character of the Perfon who 
 does it. Let no one therefore take an In- 
 jury that's done him by a Saint, or new 
 Convert, to proceed from Ill-will. How 
 could a fanftified Perfon lay a greater Ob- 
 ligation upon another, than by being the 
 Inftrument of begetting in him the Virtue 
 of Patience? Suppofe a Soldier (hould have 
 pa{Ted through ten Campaigns under a 
 Commander that had reduced his Heart to 
 the Love of the vain Pomps and Vanities 
 of this World, by leading him through 
 a continual Scene of Triumph, what 
 could a new Convert do for him bet- 
 ter than to fend him a flarving ? This 
 would be the true Way for thofc who are 
 above worldly Wifdom to diftingufh Me- 
 rit and Service. Such mufl be the Treat- 
 ment of Mankind from thofe who are but 
 comparatively wife in their Generation^ to 
 thofe who are expofcd in another Scrip- 
 ture Phrafe as delighting in War. 
 
 THE
 
 N7- The READER. 333 
 
 THE Monitor of the Day following, to 
 wit, on the Inttant of my prefent Writ- 
 ing, May s after ibufing his Brother-Scrib- 
 lers, which we don't meddle with, as hav- 
 ing it in themfelves to revenge, abufes a 
 Reverend Divine in malicious Doggrel, and 
 then proceeds to an Account of a written 
 Libel, giving an Invitation to the Duke of 
 Cambridge to come over into England. He 
 takes Occafion to tell a very filly Difcourfe 
 in theflarteft manner imaginable, between 
 a Country Farmer and a Neighbouring 
 Townfman, and ends it with leaving a- 
 mongll us this Queflion, What would they 
 have him (to wit the Duke of Cambridge) 
 come hither for , if it is not to make him a 
 King? I fee no Danger in anfwering the 
 Queltion, which is to make him a good 
 King when it comes to his Turn. But 
 the Examiner, who is as wife in his Ge- 
 neration as the Monitor who comes after 
 him, has been inquifitive about this Mat- 
 ter before ; He asked, Would the coming 
 of the young ^Prince demolijh Dunkirk more 
 effectually? would Toby Butler V Recruits 
 immediately defert ? Wotfd it raife the 
 Siege ^/Barcelona ? break the *Peace ? change 
 the nature of French Tyranny > or reduce 
 the exorbitant Tower of the 'Duke 0/Lo- 
 rain? / believe they will not venture to fay , 
 that a Trince* however powerful, yet a 
 Subject ft illy would, upon his firft Landing^ 
 interpofe fo vigoroujly in publick Affairs. 
 
 And
 
 334 T^ REA DER. N* f< 
 
 And if fe 9 then it is plain from the Con- 
 duel of the Whigs them/elves^ that all the fc 
 Clamours which they have fe long dwelt up- 
 on, taking each particular Cafe as their own 
 Advocates have ftated />, are perfectly 
 groundlefsi and the 6 Proteftant Religion is 
 in no 'Danger from any of thefe Incidents ; 
 unlejs they would loyally and modeftly infi- 
 nuate^ that the fame things which they call 
 
 Grievances under Her M , would ceafe 
 
 to be (o if any of Her *P rot eft ant Heirs were 
 refdent among ft us. And I anfwer'd, 
 Though the Arrival of the Duke of Cam- 
 bridge would not demolifh "Dunkirk, yet 
 it would make uslefs fearful of the illCon- 
 fequences from its being undemoliflied ; 
 one of which may be an Attempt of impo- 
 fing upon us the Pretender, whofe Inva- 
 iion would be lets dreaded, when one who 
 is a Prince of the Blood was ready to fight 
 againrt him, and animate all goodSubjeds 
 in Her Majeity's and his ownCaufe againft 
 him. Toby Butler^ Recruits might not, 
 perhaps, defert ; but it would make Mr. 
 Butler's Promife to them, of feeing their 
 Matter foon in thefe Dominions, more un- 
 likely than at prefent, when fo valorous a 
 Prince as the Duke of Cambridge was rea- 
 dy to oppofe him ; the Duke of Cambridge^ 
 who before now has kept the Field when 
 the Pretender tied out of it. His Arrival 
 would not raiie the Siege of Barcelona^ but 
 
 ic
 
 Nr. The RE A DE R: 33$ 
 
 it would animate the Befieged, that this In- 
 flance of the Prevalence of the Caufe of 
 Liberty in fo powerful a Nation as Great 
 Britain<> had this Reinforcement. His Ar- 
 rival would not break the Peace, but it 
 would make our -Affairs more confirmed 
 and cemented both in Time of Peace and 
 in cafe of a War. It would not change the 
 Nature of a French Tyranny, or reduce the 
 exorbitant Power of the Duke of Lorain ; 
 but it would certainly render them both 
 lefs formidable to all who are Friends to 
 the Succeffion in the Houfe of Hanover. 
 After the Quettions, he infmuates in his 
 Reflections above, That a bufie Behaviour 
 would not become his Grace the Duke of 
 Cambridge: And I agree with him that it 
 would not, but his very Refidencein Eng- 
 land would have all the good EfTecls above- 
 mentioned. 
 
 I fhall add to thefe Anfwers, that I am 
 convinced the Court thinks it an Argument 
 of Safety againft the Pretender, that the 
 Duke of Cambridge is coming ; and I at- 
 tribute to an Intelligence of it, before the 
 Publick knew it, that a Proclamation a- 
 gainft the faid Pretender was thought un- 
 neceflary. 
 
 Friday,
 
 336 The READER. 
 
 NS. Friday , May 7. 
 
 Falerna/^/V. Mart. 
 
 THE following Letter, written in 
 that Stile, the Praife of which .is 
 Simplicity, may be ufeful to that 
 Part of the Word who are never quite 
 drunk or fober, but go to Bed mellow e- 
 very Night. I believe, as it is written by 
 a Vintner, he defigned it particularly for 
 the Ufe of fome good Club that ufe hjs 
 Houfe, and whom he fears might be fuc- 
 ceeded by a more temperate Generation, 
 if they fhould drop off; befides that, it is 
 remarkable, Sets of Tipplers go faft one 
 after another, when one of their Number 
 is taken from among them. 
 
 To the READER. 
 
 SIR, 
 
 4 r T l H E Love which by your Paper you 
 
 * feem to have for your Country, 
 
 * gives a good Example for others to fol- 
 
 * low, and prompts me, in particular, to 
 
 * reprefent to you a Conversation I have 
 
 had
 
 N8. The READER. 337 
 
 ' had of late, in which fome things pafled, 
 which, 1 think, are not improper to be 
 
 * communicated to the Englijb Reader. 
 
 I live in a Part of Great Britain which 
 
 * has formerly traded much to France* 
 ' Sfain* and Tortugal* and in a Town 
 
 * where we have (notwithstanding all the 
 Contrails occafioned by Elections) ftill 
 fo much Humanity left among fome of 
 
 * us, as to meet now and then at a Ta- 
 ' vern. 
 
 NOT long fince fome of our Mer- 
 
 * chants, having their Dodor with them, 
 meeting there, the Matter of the Houfe, 
 according to Order, brought up one 
 Bottle of Claret* and one of Red-Tort* 
 
 < and allured the Company, upon his Ho- 
 
 * nour, they were both Neat, and Flowers 
 c in their Kind. 
 
 * YOU know, Sir, the Honour of this 
 4 Sort of Men is very great when they are 
 vending their own Goods ; and that 'tis 
 
 * common with fome of them to pawn 
 their Salvation, after fuch a manner as 
 c if they thought we had Reafon to doubt 
 ' them. 
 
 * WELL, Sir, a Glafs of each Sort 
 was drunk round to the Queen. The 
 
 < French Merchants in the Company lik- 
 c ed the Flavour of a Wine they had for- 
 merly, with much Pleafure, drank in 
 that Country ; but at the fame time own- 
 
 Z ed
 
 338 The READER. Ng. 
 
 ed it was fome what low, and not fo cor- 
 dial as heretofore in France. To which 
 it was replied, That this was the Effeft 
 of their Age, (which wanted a ftronger 
 Liquor) and not of the Wine which they 
 now drank; and that, to take off this 
 Inconveniency, the Quantity fhould be 
 enlarged, and inftead of one Bottle 
 apiece they fliould drink two. 
 THE Vintner, who flood by, fmil- 
 ed at this, and could not forbear faying, 
 That Gentleman was much in the Right, 
 and he was of the fame Of in ion. 
 < THE Doftor (who all this while 
 feemed to amufe himfeff with his Pipe) 
 being obferved to prefer the Tort, was 
 defired to give his Opinion of thefe two 
 Sorts of Wine in general: Upon which 
 he reply'd, " Gentlemen, 1 will do it 
 readily ; but muft, by way of Preface 
 " to my Difcourfe, defire only to know, 
 " whether you would drink Wine for Plea- 
 " fure or for Health? If you fay for Plea- 
 " fure, I fhall be apt to reply, You are 
 " then better Friends to the Men of my 
 " Profeffion, than to your felves and your 
 " own Families I think it would be un- 
 " pardonable in me to advife any Man to 
 ct drink or eat to his Prejudice. Which 
 " of thefe two Sorts of Wine, Tort or 
 " Bourdeatix, is fitted for the common 
 " Draught of England will evidently ap- 
 
 " pear
 
 N e . The READER. 339 
 
 <c pear from the folio wing Confiderations. 
 < Let a Man drink of Tort, it fhall in a 
 " fmall Quantity anfwer the Defign of 
 " Wine, and neither injure his Pocket nor 
 " his Conftitution. One, two, or three 
 " Glafles, at or after Dinner, and the like 
 <c Quantity before he goes to Bed, makes 
 " him digeit his Meat well, fleep kindly, 
 " and wake refrefhed the next Morning. 
 " This Man has feldom any foure Rlfings^ 
 " or any Sicknefs at Stomach the next 
 "Day. Indeed, if he happens to drink 
 " to an Excefs over Night, he may, from 
 " the Generofity of the Liquor, complain 
 " of his Head, but rarely of his Stomach. 
 " It is a very rare thing to fee a Man dif- 
 " gorge after drinking good Tort Wine ; 
 " and when it does happen, it is fcarce 
 " ever known to be with thofe ill Symp- 
 " toms which often attend a Debauch on 
 " Claret. In the former Cafe, the Mat- 
 " ter thrown upis feldom offenfiye\ in the 
 " latter, little better than Verjuice. And 
 " for the Truth of this Obfervation, I ap- 
 " peal to all the old itanch Drunkards of 
 " thefe two Sorts of Wine in Town and 
 " Country. 
 
 "AND now, Gentlemen, (to go on a 
 " little further in the Way of myProfefli- 
 " on, and build upon the Foundation I 
 " have laid) as you cannot but have heard, 
 " That many Chronical Diftempers, and 
 Z 2 " not
 
 340 The READER. Ne. 
 
 " not a few of the Acute, do, in the O- 
 " pinion of the beftPhyficians, take their 
 Rife, in a great Degree, from Indigefti- 
 * on, you cannot but allow, that where 
 " there is fo much Indigeftion, as of Courfe 
 " muft follow from the drinking of French 
 " Wine habitually, the ill Effefts of it 
 " muft be very great: And accordingly 
 <c we find, among the Topers of greateft 
 " Reputation, who furvive thofe who 
 " have been long dead-drunk, and are 
 " troubled with the Gout, Stone, Rheu- 
 " matijm ; much more of thefe Difeafes 
 " may, upon a fair Computation, be im- 
 " puted to French^ than to Portugal Wine. 
 
 " BUT, fays a French Merchant then 
 " in Company j do we not find by k'xperi- 
 " ence, that French Wine exhilerates be- 
 yond all other Sorts imported into this 
 " Ifland? Do not our great Wits, and 
 ** Men of the beft Converfation, prefer it 
 " to all others ? Are not deep Councils 
 " and great Difpatches owing to this 
 " W 7 ine? And is not the beft Society 
 " chiefly kept up by it? 
 
 " SIR, replied the 'Dofior with fome- 
 " thing of Warmth, I do nor find but that 
 " Men among us who have drunk little 
 " or none of the French Wines, have had 
 " as much Wit, and Wifdom too, as any 
 " of thofe who have drunk moft of them. 
 " Mr. S hake fp ear, I dare fay, drank but 
 
 " little
 
 NS. The READER, 341 
 
 " little Claret; old Ben\ Wine was Cana- 
 " ry\ Mr. Waller was not fond of any 
 " Wine, only now and then (as I am cre- 
 " dibly informed) enough to wafh his Head 
 " and Temples with. There is no Man- 
 " ner of Doubt but that Sfain, Italy y and 
 " Greece have produced as great Wits as 
 " any Nation in Europe ; and is this ow- 
 " ing to French Claret? Did Homer, Ari- 
 <c JtophaneS) Horace^ Virgil* and Miguel 
 ct de Cervantes drink French Claret ? 
 
 " BUT, Sir, (becaufe i will be eafyto 
 " you in the Argument) grant that French 
 " M'ine will make an Englifhman chearful 
 " and pleafant, and fit him to write a 
 * c Song, a Poem, or a Play ; or to tell his 
 " Story, and make his Addrefs with an 
 *' Air extraordinary; is this an Argument 
 " why this Wine fhould be made a natio- 
 *' nal'Drink? Let the Men of Wit, have 
 " their Proportion of this Wine, (if they 
 ^ muft have it) and take the Inconveni- 
 <c ences of it ; but {hall wefet up for &Na- 
 <c tion of Wits* Let us endeavour at a lit- 
 <e tleDifcretion, and drink of fuch Wines, 
 " in fuch Proportions, and at fuch Times, 
 " as (liall anfwer the Defign of this great 
 * Blefling to Mankind ; that is, fo as to 
 " make it molt conducive to cur Health; 
 " which) I politively aver, in Englijb Con- 
 generally fpeaking* is better 
 Z 3 '^ freferved
 
 342 The READER. N *. 
 
 " freferved by a prefer Vje ^Portugal 
 " than of French Wines. 
 
 THIS Argument of the Doftor's 
 
 * made the greater Impreffion on the Com- 
 pany, for that we knew him to be no 
 
 * way concerned in Merchandize; and 
 
 * that, as his Age and Profeflion had given 
 
 < him Opportunity to make Obfervations 
 of the Matter he fpoke of, fo the entire 
 
 * Love he has for his Country will not 
 fuffer him to advance any Propofition, 
 
 < which he thinks is not for the Good of 
 it. 
 
 SIR, lam the more ready to commit 
 nicate to you the bum of this Converfa- 
 f tion, for that I remember about thirty 
 c Years fince, when London Claret (as it 
 
 * was then called) was in Faihion, the Ma- 
 
 * iter with whom I then lived in the City, 
 with many others, made that Wine, by 
 mixing Bourdeattx with Red of the^^- 
 nijh Grape, which gave a Compofition 
 more grateful to the Palate, and lefs in- 
 jurious to the Stomach, than the French 
 Wine was of it felf. Thefe Hands of 
 mine have thus brewed many a Ton. 
 
 I hope it may not be amifs if I endea- 
 vour, as far as in me lies, to fet forth in 
 a proper Light this great Errour in our 
 Liquor 's, and from good and undeniable 
 Arguments beat down that impetuous^ 
 humourfome t unrcafinabley overweening 
 
 * Love
 
 N8. THREADER. 343 
 
 Love for Claret, which, to the great 
 Prejudice of the Englifh Nation, does 
 fo much prevail among us ; and (hew 
 that we ad in this, as in too many o- 
 ther Particulars, as if our Welfare and 
 Happinefs were the leaft Tart of our 
 Care. 
 
 ' 1 have heard a very experienced Vint- 
 ner fay, That he had obferved great Dif- 
 ference between the Tempers of his Cla- 
 ret and Port-Cuftomers. The old Age 
 of the Claret-Drinker is generally pee- 
 viih and fretful ; that of him who ufes 
 Port calm, and at the word dull. The 
 Blood of a Claret-Drinker grows Vine- 
 gar, that of your Port-man Mum. The 
 EffecT: of Claret is ro make Men reftlefs, 
 of Port to make them fleepy. But Port, 
 moderately ufed, had all the good Ef- 
 fec"h which can come from the bell Cla- 
 ret, and none of the ill EfFefts which 
 flow from the immoderate Ufe of itfelf. 
 
 Jam, SIR, 
 
 Tour mofl humble Servant, 
 
 Ruburb Hearty; 
 
 Z 4 Monday,
 
 344- Tfe* READE R. N 9- 
 
 N9. Monday y May IO. 
 
 Nefas animam fraferre fudori. Ju v. 
 
 I Have found by following the Whifpers 
 of the Town, that my Paper Numb. 4. 
 which bore at the top of it the fame 
 Piece of Latin which I have affixed to this, 
 has very much revived a Sort of Feeling 
 which for fome time had been utterly loft 
 a mong manyPeople,and is commonly called 
 the Teftimony of a good Confidence. My 
 r>ifcourfe on that Day was taken from a 
 Hint of Macbiavi/y and explained that 
 State of Mind which that great Politician 
 calls Nonfenfe to the Confcience. The De- 
 fcription 1 gave there is this, Nonfenfe to 
 the Conscience is when the Party has arri- 
 vedtofuch a *Difregardto Reafon and Truth, 
 as not to follow it y or acknowledge it when 
 itfrefents it f elf to him. All the impudent, 
 to a Man, are Matters of this great Quali- 
 fication for rifing in the World. Whoever 
 is the Author ot the Paper called The Week- 
 ly 'Packet^ let him look roit; for he has 
 printed a Speech as if fpoken by his Sici- 
 lian Majeily, which begins with a Para- 
 graph
 
 N9- The READER. 345 
 
 graph in the moft fublime Degree formed 
 from Nonfenfe of Confcience. The faid 
 Packet of Afrtl the X4th has it thus: 
 
 Sicily. 
 
 ON the xid of March, the States of 
 Sicily met, and the King being feated 
 4 on the Throne, made the following 
 Speech to them. 
 
 HE ardent Defire we had to pro- 
 < vide for the Neceffities and Ad- 
 vantage of this faithful Kingdom, the 
 Dominion whereof we acknowledge 
 we have received at the Hand of 
 God, made us very willingly difregard, 
 not only the Difficulties of the Voyage, 
 but alfoall the other Motives, which the 
 Condition of the reft of our Dominions 
 
 * might have furnifhed for inducing us to 
 
 < retard our Coming, and defer the Satis- 
 
 * faftion we have in this Aflembly. 
 
 ' OUR Pleafure of feeing the Repre- 
 fentatives of the Kingdom here aflem- 
 
 < bled, is fo much the greater, in that we 
 have found you full of Zeal and Affedi- 
 
 < on towards us, and convinced of the 
 f AiTurance you ought to have of being 
 look'd upon with a Fatherly Love. 
 
 IT is certain this was never fpoken, for 
 if it had, it had been the moil folemn Ban- 
 ter
 
 346 The READ ER. N 9 . 
 
 ter that ever was put upon any AfTembly 
 of People. All the World knows that the 
 Contingences in the Interefts of European 
 Princes produced that Alotment of Empire 
 to the Duke of Savoy; and no Man can 
 fuppofe that a Prince of his good Under- 
 ftanding, without regard to Fads fo noto- 
 fioufly known, would flap-dafh put his 
 ^Divine Right and fatherly Love upon a 
 Crowd of reafonable Creatures, who knew 
 well enough who made him their King, and 
 that he was become their Father without 
 their Adoption. No Man fhall make me 
 believe this Speech was ever fpoken ; for 
 if it had, it had been a Stroak of Paflive 
 Obedience in the Subject to the Divine 
 Right of Sicily, not to have laughed out in 
 the Prefence of their new-made Monarch. 
 There is ibmething fo great in the Nature 
 of Men, that they are not to be ruled but 
 upon the Principles of Reafon and Juilice, 
 and \bfolute Power cannot poflibly fubfift 
 without the Extirpation of Arts and 
 Sciences, without the itri&eft Adminiftra- 
 tion of Juftice, to which if a Monarch ties 
 himfelf, it is for his Eafe and Glory to go- 
 vern by Laws of his Peoples own making. 
 All Demagogues keep themfelves in Faflii- 
 on by the Force of Nonfenfe to the Con- 
 fcience ; but Politicians know they are un- 
 done when they are reduced to it. Shame 
 and Confufionfor hardUfage of their Fel- 
 low^
 
 N9. The READER. 347 
 
 low-Creatures, arifmg from a Deference 
 they owe to them as rational, would dif- 
 ahle their Progrefs upon any manifeit falfe 
 Step in which they fhould be detected. But 
 ^Demagogues are never confounded by their 
 Errours, but from their Nonfenfe of Con- 
 fcience go on in committing more under 
 the manifeft Diflike of all the World, and 
 are infenfible of any thing that is criminal 
 which pafles with Impunity. Men of fuch 
 coarfe and infenfibleSpiritSjCan fancy them- 
 felvesin an happy Condition as long as they 
 can deceive the Vulgar; and would prefer 
 a Power over a Crowd of Barbarians, to 
 the Applaufe and Approbation of a few po- 
 lite Athenians. 
 
 FROM this Nonfenfe of Confctence 
 proceed all the Evils which can poflibly be- 
 tide Mankind ; for it naturally brings Men 
 to be fatisfied with Appearances inftead 
 of Things, and is apt to make an ill Man 
 believe that he is not wicked, becaufe no 
 body dares tell him he is fo. For thisRea- 
 fon I have done an Aft of Charity, by 
 fending a Couple of Letters to two cer- 
 tain Perfons by Meflengers who were ve- 
 ry proper to carry them. If the Gen- 
 tlemen concerned will read them, it may 
 be of very great Ufe; if not, I have done 
 my Dury, and they are fafe by their Im- 
 pregnable Armour, the Nonfenfe of Con- 
 fcience. One of thefe Epiftles I havefent 
 
 by
 
 348 The READER. N'?. 
 
 by the Examiner, the other by the Moni~ 
 tor. The firit is as follows. 
 
 < T Am told there is of late fuch a Liber- 
 * < ty taken in opening Letters, that I 
 
 would not fend this by any but the Bearer, 
 who loves you at his Soul, and has ha- 
 zarded it for your Service. The enclo- 
 fed, called a Letter to the Examiner, is 
 what you ought to give him Inflrudions 
 to anfwer, andnotdefert the poor Man, 
 who has done nothing but repeated the 
 Word Fadion for fome Weeks laft paft. 
 The Writer of the Letter bids him ex- 
 amine the Methods of negotiating the 
 Peace by the 8th Article of the Grand 
 Alliance; and defires him to lhew,That 
 the Part acled in the Field, while the 
 Peace was tranfading, was the moft effe- 
 dual way to fecond what was doing ac 
 Utrecht. 
 
 THAT the Scheme of a general 
 Peace agreed between us and France, is 
 better than that defigned by the Prelimi- 
 naries of 1709. 
 
 THAT the Peace was general at the 
 Time we fign'd. 
 
 c THAT the fettling of the Spanifli 
 Monarchy in the Houfe of Bourbon^ is 
 no Addition of Strength and Power to 
 France. 
 
 THAT
 
 9- The READER. 349 
 
 THAT it can be no Prejudice to 
 us, that France is permitted to trade to 
 the Wef -Indies* which they never were 
 before. 
 
 TH AT it would have been the fame 
 thing to the Trade of Great Britain* to 
 whomever Sfain and the Indies had been 
 given. 
 
 < TH AT King Thilif will not favour 
 France more than England, nor the 
 French underfell us in their Markets. 
 
 THAT Tortugal is in no Danger 
 of becoming a Province to Sfain. 
 * THAT the Catalans are not an un- 
 fortunate People from their Adherence 
 to the common Caufe. 
 
 < THAT the Method taken in the 
 Demolition of ^Dunkirk agrees with the 
 Letter of the Treaty. 
 
 4 HE adds abundance of other Quefli- 
 ons, which he knows in his own Con- 
 fcience need no Anfwer, the Juftice of 
 what he excepts againft being vifible to 
 all the World. But however, fince there 
 are fome fpecious odd Insinuations in 
 the Book, I beg of you to fpeak intelli- 
 gibly to the Bearer, and furniih him with 
 Anfwers ; otherwife the Man muft go 
 on in an empty Triumph, from theNon- 
 fenfe of Confcience, which renders him 
 unable to do you any further Service, to 
 the great Grief of all your Well-wifhers, 
 
 who
 
 3so The READER. N*?. 
 
 ' who are enumerated in the following 
 Blank. 
 
 MY fecond Letter, carried 
 nifor, is as follows. 
 
 4 HTHE Bearer I fend to you, becaufe I 
 A c know you have a Refped for one 
 
 * of the Perfons concerned in his follow- 
 
 * ing Expreffion in the Monitor of Satur- 
 
 * day. Fears and Apprehenfions of remote 
 ' Slavery, and of a contemptible deftitute 
 ' Pretender, are contrary to all Reafon, 
 This is plain Difrefped to the Duke of 
 
 * Lorain y to call a Man deilitute and con- 
 
 * temptible who is under his Protection. 
 
 * Jufl after the Pardon granted toMr./fo/- 
 ' fordy he has the Impudence to arraign 
 ' Her Majefty of being guilty of Mercy 
 to a Fault, in thefe Words; This Nati- 
 
 * tion is at prefent under the BleJJlng of a 
 ' Tacifck Reign y under a Queen whof? 
 ' perfonal Behaviour is untainted with 
 
 * Crime (except that of too much Clemency) 
 
 * a Queen who is a Tattern of Virtue and 
 
 * Tiety. 
 
 * I hope you will take the proper Me- 
 thods for doing Juftice in this Cafe 1 , by 
 4 fending the Bearer to the Stocks ; for 
 
 being
 
 N9- The REA DE R: 351 
 
 being exalted to publick View and a 
 higher Pedeftal, is a Diftinftion which 
 he has known already ; and is fo little 
 the better for it, that he calumniates the 
 Clemency which he has fmce known by 
 a Par don for Jubfequent Offences. 
 * IF you, who are a Jufticeof Peace, 
 let thefe things pafs, I can only fay with 
 Mr. Bay*) I'll write no more. 
 
 INDEX
 
 \
 
 INDEX 
 
 TO THE 
 
 LOVER. 
 
 A. 
 
 A BED NE GO the Jev, how he bubbled Sir Anthonj 
 Creibtnt with a pretended Manufcript, N 1 1. 
 Advertifement about written Dances, N. 4. 
 
 Adultery; the great Crime of it, N. 36. How punifhed in a 
 Negro in Virginia, ib. 
 
 Amours, Criminal, the Evils heaped up in them, N. 9. Anlnftance 
 in the Story of a German Count and his Miftrefs, ibid. 
 
 Anceftry, how fond the Cmbtrees are of it, N. 1 1 , 16. 
 
 Antonio, in Venite preferv'd, betrays his Country for the Sake of 
 a Woman that hates him, N. ia. A grim puzled Leacher, it, 
 
 April, Firft of. a Day aulpicior.s to the Crabtrees, N. 16. 
 
 Arbiter Elegantiarum, the Lover's Office, N.j. 
 
 Ariftotle. his Saying of Juftice, 32. 
 
 Aroncet, his Complaint about Country Dances, N. 5. 
 
 Authors, Half-flieet. their Care to improve Mankind, N.I. Lit- 
 tle ones glad of Applaufe on any Account, 5-. Muft not take 
 Mony, 39. It makes 3 em tranflare ill, ib. 
 
 B. 
 
 BAcon, Lord, his Saying of th? Happinefs of Governments 
 in employing Men of Books and Leifure, N 12. 
 Barrow, Dr. his Difcourfe of Contentment recommended, N. 
 16. His great Merit, ib. 
 
 A a 2 stem/it*,
 
 Index to the Lover. 
 
 Battman, Sir James, the firft Propofer of the fine Cieling st 
 Greenwich Hofpital, N.JJ. 
 
 Says, Lancelot, his Letter and Petition to be the Lover's Efquire, 
 N. 17. His Toy (hop of written Baubles, \b, 
 
 $eh, Mrs. underftood the Praftick Part fff Love better than 
 the Specularive, N. 23. 
 
 Benefits, the doing and receiving them the niccft Part of Com- 
 merce, N. 1 1. 
 
 Bickerftaff. Ifaac,fc(qj rightly termed the Tatler.N.zj. 
 
 JR///, Leader of the Lovers Vagabond, N. 5. 
 
 Bookman, Sir Anthony Crabtree's Quarrel with him, N. 16. 
 
 Bretagne, the Dance lb called. N.4- 
 
 BrickJuft, Peter, a Kinfman of the Crabtrees, has the Face of a 
 Cat and an O wl, N. n. His vile Character, tb. Sir Anthony 
 Crabtrees Accufer, tb. 8c 14. and Voucher, 16. more hideous 
 if pofl'ible than Sir Anthony Crobtree, 3.1. What his Phii is fit 
 for. lb. 
 
 Britain, ^efigned for a Dancing Ifland by the Trench, N. 4,. 
 
 Eroek, Lord, what he faid of the wearifom Condition of Mor- 
 tality, N.jz. 
 
 Brittlcnefs, Things valued by the Ladies for it, N. 10. 
 
 Buckingham, la^e D..ke of. the great Improver of the Manufa- 
 cture of Glafs in England. N. 34. 
 
 iuy. Dr. his Genius for Education, N. 17. 
 
 Butgtll, Mr. his Translation of the Characters of Theofhntflut 
 recommended, N. 39. 
 
 Butcher, of St. James's Market, how Sir Anthwy Qrnbtret paid 
 him what hit Lady ow'd him, N. a i . 
 
 f^ARELESS, (Mr.) of the MiMIe Temple, his 
 
 ^t N.io. 
 
 Ctftltfo*}, (Ephraim) his Letter about the Crubtrets, N. 14. 
 
 Ci4to, (Tragedy of) its Perfection, N. 5-. 
 
 Cenlbr of Great Britain, by whom to be takca out to dancr, 
 
 N. 4 . 
 
 Cenforioufnefs, how it expofes itfclf, N. 14. 
 Cerctpithect, the Crabtrets like them, N. 16. 
 Charles II, the Licenfes of his Court, N. 2. 
 China Ware, the Folly of being fond of it, N. 10. 
 CUuilian. of Dancing, N. 4. 
 Clay wight, (Rubens) his Letter about the Pictures of the Crabtrtet 
 
 on his Potters Ware, N. ai. 
 Gfcfamr*, her Letter to dcfire her Lovers might fight for her, 
 
 lS ZO. 
 
 Coach, an Adventure upon calling one, N. 1 8. 
 
 Coraedf,
 
 index to the Lover. 
 
 Comedy, (fine Gentleman of) how dangerous a 
 N. y. 
 
 Conjugal Affection the great Relief of it in Diftrefs, N. 8. 
 
 Contentment, the Duty of it, N. 16. 
 
 Country Gentlemen have too healthy Countenances, N.j-. 
 
 Courtly, (Ned) a Coxcomb, preferred to Meanivell, a Man of Wit,' 
 by a Lady, and why, N. if, 
 
 CoTfley, (Abrnkurn) an ill Doctor in Love, N. 23. 
 
 Cra&trees, a mifchievous ridiculous Family in Hereford/hire, N 
 1 1. &c. Their ugly Faces, it. Bred Presbyterians, turn High. 
 Churchmen, ib. Hated, 14, 21. Their Lrgick. ib. A moft 
 unaccountable Race, ib. Like the Circopitbect 16. How fond 
 of Anceftry, ib. Firft of April their aufpicious Day, ib. An ex- 
 ecrable Race, 21. A gracdefs Crew, ib. Where their Effi- 
 gies arc tobefeen, ib. Sit Anthony, what an Antiquary he is, 
 ib. Vide Antonio in Vtnin preferv'd. N. 12. His Motto, 14, 
 How he favcd the Houfe of Sir Rtilph his Father, ib. His 
 fneaking Look, ib. His Behaviour towards an llluftrious Fa- 
 mily, ib. His Superftitioh, 16. Why he form'd the South Sea 
 Project, ib. His Curiofities, ib. He quarrels with the Book- 
 man, and lofes his Whifperers, ib. What his Levies were 
 made up of, ib. How he cheated a Lady that employed 
 him, Sufan Mutcblefi and her Father, zi. What an ungainly 
 Crearure, ib. His awkard little and briskly comick Air, ib. 
 Infcnfible of Sbame, and as fmug as he is ugly, Ib. What 
 the Lady who employed him loft by him, ib. Sir Ralpft 
 would burn his Houfe becaufe Fornication had been commit- 
 ted in it, 14. Sir Robert a Knight before the Flood, 11. 
 Zxchftriab's clumfcy Character, i i . How he comes into a 
 Wenches Chamber, 14. A rare Voucher in the Bufinefs of 
 Conveyances, 1 6. An half-witted impotent Wretch, 21.' 
 More hideous than Sir Anthony, ib. What a tare Truftce il 
 is, /*. 
 Crimes, how aggravated, N. 32. 
 
 Curiolitiej, Sir Anthony Crabtree's Collcfiioh, N. 16, 
 
 D. 
 
 DANCES, written, N. 4. 
 Dancing (promifcuous) its Danger, N,' $< 
 Defires (loofe) their own Punifhment, N. 8. 
 Diana, her Amour with Endyrriion, N. 13. 
 Difcontented Temper, taken out of Theophraftus's Chara&ers, 
 
 N. 39. 
 X>ou6t (Churlei) his Letter for Advice in the Choice of his Mi- 
 
 ftrefs, N. 19. 
 Dreams QlZndymlm, N. 15. 
 
 A a i
 
 Index to the Lover. 
 
 D'Uifey (Mr. the Celebrated) has met with Envy as well asOp- 
 poiirion, N. 40. Mow related to rhe Marquis d "Urfey ther 
 Author of the trench Romance called Aftr&a, ib. 
 
 D'Urfeys, the Family of them in France. N..fo. 
 
 Dulcet, (Mrs.) how (lie was abuled in Converfation, tho' a 
 Fi6tit>ous Perfon, N. 14,. 
 
 Duftgown (Clielamira) her Chara&er, N 1$-. 
 
 E. 
 
 EMIL1.A and Thihinaer. their Amour, .^.37. 
 Endymtorfs Dreams, N. 13. 
 JEpiftetus, his Saying of Brirtle Ware, N. 10. 
 Evii, a good Method to avoid it, N. jz. 
 yf/;</ (Anthony) h;s Letter of Qjmplaint againft a Lady for 
 
 looking nut at Window, N- 30. 
 Eyes, (Battle ot) N. 7. 
 
 F. 
 
 FLATTERY the moft fuccefsful way of winning Wo- 
 men, N.a^. 
 Telavia, her ill Choice in Marriage, N. 37. 
 
 G. 
 
 /^ALLANTRY, ( Modern ) nothing but Debauchery, 
 
 Vjr N. ? 6. 
 
 Giving, the Art of it in Lovers, N. n. 
 
 GhiE,^ Manufacture of) by whom and how improved in England, 
 
 N . 34. 
 Gotham, the Habitation of the Crubtnes in HereforJ/fjire, N. 
 
 1 1. 
 Gethxmites at laft find out the Crabtrees to be no cunning Curs, 
 
 N. 16. - 
 
 Grxme, (James) his Letter about his Pictures, N. ^^. 
 Grtemrich Hofpital, the excellent Painting there, N. 3 3. 
 Gubbin, (Timothy) his Letter for Advice in his Amour, N. 17, 
 
 19. 
 G//*y, (Mr.) his Glafs Gallery defcribed, N.j*. 
 
 H. 
 
 H^fLJB, (Sir Matthew) his Difcourfe ofRel'gion 
 Heart, tofpeaktrom it in Publick the (u.-e 
 eefs, N. iSt Hovy mended by honour* ::.
 
 Index to the Lover. 
 
 i. 
 
 IDOLATRY, what makes it a crying Sin, N. 3 si 
 fenny Lipfy, her Charader, N. if. 
 Inhumanity, how oJious with Wantonnefs, N.p. 
 Injuftice, the great Sin of it with Refpeft to our Neighbours 
 
 and ourfelves, N. 31. 
 
 Jchnfon, (Mr.) one of the Lovers AiTiftanrs, his Character, N.I 
 Iflands, dancing ones, N. 4. 
 Judges, their dancing. N 4. 
 Judgment goes beyond Experience, N. 2t. 
 Juftice, all Virtues .contained in it, N. 31. 
 
 KING grieving for his Wife's Death, how reproved by a 
 Philofopher, N. 26. 
 
 King William, and Queen Mary, their Pictures at Greenwich 
 Hofpital defcribed, N 33. 
 Knight Errantry, how corrupted, N. 2. 
 
 L4NGUENTI, (RicArJ.tte) his Letter about the Crabtrees, 
 N. 16. 
 
 Languijfante, (Cinthlo) his fublime unintelligible Letter, N. 19. 
 
 Lajie (Charles) the Rov'r, his Letter, N.i3. 
 
 Letter, from a Sabine Lady to her Mother, a little while after 
 the famous Rape of the Romans. N. 6. About the Battle of 
 the Eyes, 7. From Mrs. Tenruddock to her Husband, the Day 
 before he was to fuffer Death, 8. Mr. Penruddocfcs Anfwer. ib. 
 From a Man leaving his Miftrefs to marry, 9. From Ga- 
 tkam in Hereford/hire, about the mifcbievous and ridiculous Fa- 
 mily of the Crabtrees, 1 1. A nice one from a Lady. 12. From 
 James Grams about his Pictures, ib. From Geo>ge Powel, 13. 
 From Ephraim Cufllefoap about the Critbtrees, 14. Madam 
 Duft gown's to her Lover, 15-. From Riecirdetto Lun- 
 gnenti about the Crabtrees, \6. From Timothy Gubbins, 17, 19. 
 From Lancelot Bays, 17. From Charles Doubt, 19. From Cin- 
 thio La,r>gu\ffante , ib. From Prudence Lovejick, 20 From Su- 
 fan Mutchtefi about the Crabtrees 21. From RfJ C/</y- 
 wr/g^ about the Crabtrees Pictures on his Potters Ware, ib. 
 - About the fitteft Age and Qualifications for Bufmefs. 22. Two 
 Letters from a Lover to his Miftrefs, one to be read by he fclf, 
 and another by her Father. 'A. From Charles Lafie 23. Mnr- 
 tn^ftke Myrtle's to a cenforiou; Lady, 24., From refmius of 
 A a 3 tlio
 
 Index to the Lover. 
 
 the Power of Love, zf. From a Gentleman about affli&ing 
 ones felf for rhe Death of a Wife, z5. Mr. Myrtle to Mr. Severn 
 on Mr. Maittaire's new Edirion of the Clafficks in nmo. 17. 
 From a Lady to defire her Lover to refufe her. zS. The An- 
 fwer. 30 From cHdamira, ib- From Giles Limberbum about 
 his iucobftant Mift:eis, z8- From Wyffes Tranftnarinus, 50. 
 From Anthony Eyelid, Ch. Bttfie, Tfillboy Gape fee 4, and Ralph 
 Doodle, about flaring Ladies, i. From Tim. Pip, 31. From 
 an old Batchelor fallen in Love 31. About Mirandas Love 
 of Flattery, 35-. From Tow. Truelove, sj-. From Philander 
 to Emilia. 38. From a Lady betrayed by a (he Friend, i. 
 Lodge, (Lovers) where P*i//'s Puppet-Show was, N. z. de- 
 
 Levees S-v Anthony Crabtrtes defcribed, N- 1 6. 
 
 Limberhcan, (Giles) his Letter of Complaint againft his kept 
 
 Mittrels, N.z8. 
 Love, ( Paffion of ) leads to every Thing truly excellent, great 
 
 and noble, N. i, /. Inftance out ot Cato, ib. Its Power 
 
 over all Sorts of Men, i y. When Honourable how it mends 
 
 the Heart, zp. One of the fundamental Laws of Nature, 32* 
 
 The chief End of the Lover, 3 6. Feign'd more likely to fuc- 
 
 ceed than true, 37. 
 
 Lover, the Defign of that Paper, N. i . The Characters of the 
 ' Author's Afliftants. tb. of himfclf, ib. An Account of his Paf- 
 
 on for Mrs. Ann fage, z. He meets her, f. Difappointo 
 
 ments he has met with by it, 14,. 
 Lovers Vagabond, an Order of Adventurers, N. 3. Their Lea- 
 
 ders Character, ib. 
 Lovejifk, (Prudent) her Letter, N. zo. Her Generofity to her 
 
 Lover, ib. 
 
 M. 
 
 M4JTTAIRE. (Mr.) his new Edition of the Claflicks 
 in i rmo re com mended, N. Z7 
 Uarctui refi^ns ihmleflrinn to his Rival. N. 6. 
 Matchlefs, (Sufun) her Letter about the Crabtreei, N. z I . 
 1dewn>ell lofts his Miftrefs for his Sincerity , N.zf. 
 Minuets, with Mcaiiings, N. 4,. 
 
 Miramaatis tteSabiitg her Le'ter to her Mother, N. 6. 
 Miranda,';, Ciiaradter fsf. 3^. 
 Mifchievcus and ridiculous, Words made for the Family of the 
 
 Crabttees N. ai. 
 
 Monitor, a iiorrid Paper, N. 34. The Author a heavy Rogue, ib, 
 Mortality, the wearirom Condition of it, N. 31. 
 Motto, a notable one on Sir^/wzv Crd&m's Cdach, N. 14. 
 
 Myrtle,
 
 Index to the Lover. 
 
 Myrth, (MarmaJuke) Author 'of the Lover, N.2. His Lodging, 1 
 A. His Letter to a cenforious Lady, 24. 
 
 N. 
 
 NEGRO, the Tragical Story of an Adulterous one in Vir- 
 ginia, N. 36. 
 
 Neighbours, the Sin of injuring them, N. 32. 
 Hice, (Sir Courtly) the Mirrour of Fops, N. 18. 
 
 O. 
 
 OSWALD, (Mr.) the Widower, his Character, N. x. His 
 Love for his Wife's Memory, 29. 
 OwV, the Galen of Love, N. 23. 
 
 P. 
 
 PAG E, (Mrs. Am) the Author's Love for her, N. 2 1 
 Paintings of Greenwich Hofpital defcribed, N. 33. 
 Peace, the whole Nation to learn to dance upon it, N. 4'.' 
 Pedlar, an honeft one, how abufed by Sir Anthony Crabtree, 
 
 N. 14. 
 PenrutUock, (Mrs.) her Letter to her Husband condemned to 
 
 dye, AT. 8. His Anfwer, ib. 
 Itjilctnder and Emilia, their Amour, N. 37. His Letter to her, 
 
 38. 
 P//, (Tim.) his Pretenfions to a Lady from feeing her Topfie 
 
 Turvcy, N. 3 i. 
 
 Platonick Lovers, their Indifference, N. 34. 
 Potters Ware of Britain, its Ufe, N. 10. The Effigies of the 
 
 Crabtrees to be feen on fome of it, 21. 
 
 Povell, (George) his Behaviour as to Love and Honour, N. 13. 
 Prince, (Jo.) his Entertainments in Dancing, N. 40. 
 Publick, (fpeaking in it) with what Confufion Engltjhmen do it, 
 
 N.i 8. TheCaufeofit, ib. 
 
 R. 
 
 RAPE, (Svb'tne) the Behaviour of fome of the Ladies then, 
 N.6\ 
 
 Religion, Sir Matthew Hale*s Difcourfe of it, N.ip. 
 Reproach, the moft painful Thing to Lovers, N. 34. 
 Robin theTreafurer, what Suckling fays of him, N.zi. 
 Ramans, their Publick Spirit, N. 26. 
 Room, how to leave it hxndfomely, N. 3. 
 A a 4
 
 Index to the Lover. 
 
 s. 
 
 SAB IKE Lady, her Letter to her Mother from Rome, afr 
 ter the famous Rape by the Romtns, N. 6. 
 Scandal a Fault in the Ladies, N. 14. 
 
 Severn (Mr.) his Charader, N. i. Mttrmaduke Myrtles Letter 
 to him about Mr. Maittaires Edition of the Clajficks in iimo. 
 
 *7- 
 
 Sins of the Second Table, N. 31. 
 Sloven ( Character of one ) out of Theophraftus, N. 3 9 . 
 Stage debauch'd in Charlts II. Reign, N. 2.* Its Influence on 
 Manners, 5-. 
 
 T. 
 
 TACITURNITY, when a Fault, N. 18. 
 Tale of a, Tub written for the Advancement of Religion, 
 
 N. 1 6. Sir Anthony Crubtrte borrows his South Sett Project 
 
 from it, ib. 
 
 Theophraftus's Characters well Tranfhted by Mr. Eudgel, N. 39. 
 ThornhtlL, his excellent Painting at Greenwich, N. 33. 
 Tin Tallies, a Coin much in Ufc by the Crubtrets, N. zi. 
 Tranfmarintts Ulyffes his Letter about his Father's betraying him 
 
 in an Amour, N. 30. 
 
 Town, how to qualify ones felf for it, N. f. 
 Toyfhop, (Poetical) Lancelot Bays's, N. 17. 
 Tranflation, Rules for it, N. 39. 
 True-Love, (Tom.} his Letter to his Miftrefs, not to promife 
 
 her felf by Denial. N. ?j-. 
 Twilight, (Madam) her Charadcr, N. 17. 
 
 V. 
 
 VERSES on Dancing, N. 4. 
 Vefuvius, h : s Letter of the Power of Love, N. 14." 
 
 W. 
 
 WHITFLE, (Torn.} his Letter about the Battle of the Eyes, 
 N. 7. 
 "Whifpers, Sir Anthony Crxbtree's Politicks made up of them, N. 
 
 i.i. lie is at a lad Lofs fjr want, of them, 16. 
 Wtldgoofe, (Mr ) one of the Lover's Affiftants, his Character 
 
 N.I. 
 
 Wit-Kood (Mif-) her Afftbtio;i of Wit, N. 2f. 
 Women, "the grcateft Sufferers in Criminal Amours, N. 9. The 
 feveral \Vays Men tai'cto gain themiy. Won by Flattery, ib. 
 Apt to prefer feign'd Love, .otiue, 37. And to be directed 
 by others in thei? Choice of fL.'fba :ds, ib. 
 Wormwood, (VAll.) his Gkarac^er, N. 39. 
 
 I N PE X
 
 INDEX 
 
 T O T H E 
 
 READER; 
 
 Ai 
 
 ADMINISTRATION abus'd by the Examiner and Mo- 
 nitor, N. 5-. 
 Alliance, (8th Article of the Grand one) how well obferv'd in 
 
 the late Peace, N. 9. 
 
 Altar- Piece at Wbite-Chaftel Impious, N. i . 
 Aflemblies (Great) ho-v to carry Points in them, N. 4..* 
 Author of the Paper, his great Reading, N. i. 
 Author^ a Wonder how they Live, N. i. 
 
 B 
 
 ABES of Grace, the Examiner's Minifters fuch, N. 7. 
 
 Bourbon, ( Houfe of ) gets nothing by the Addition of the 
 Spaniflj Monarchy, N. 9. 
 
 tliymnndrft, a ftupid Doggrel Term given a great Man by the 
 Monitor, N. 6. 
 
 CAMBRIDGE
 
 Index to the Reader: 
 
 c. 
 
 CAMBRIDGE, (Duke of) his Coming violently op- 
 pos'd by the Examiner, N.i. The Preamble to his Roy- 
 al Highnefs s Parent, ib. Infulted by the Monitor, 7. 
 
 Catalans not injur'd by us, N. 9. 
 
 Churchman, the Examiner a great one, N. 7. 
 
 Claret. ( French ) not drunk by Antient or Modern Wits, N. 8. 
 
 Coffee difpirits People, N. i . 
 
 Conference, the Nonfenfe of it difcours'd of, N. 4. will fail at 
 laft, ib. 
 
 Conrerts, (new ones) in England, fhou'd not be Purcfeafers, 
 N.I. 
 
 Countryman, what one did in the Defence of his Country, 
 and how he was rewarded, N. z 
 
 D. 
 
 1~N EMAGOGUES never confounded, N. 9: 
 JU/ Difeafes occafioned by drinking Trench Wine, N. 8. 
 Doctor, his Opinion of Bourdeaux and Port Wine, N. 8. 
 Dunkirk, how cleverly it is demolifh'd, N. 5-. The Method 
 taken to do it, agrees exactly with the Treaty oi Peace, 9. 
 
 E, 
 
 EXAMINER has no Conference, N. i. The greateft of 
 all Offenders, 2. Makes Sport of the Catalans, ib. And 
 of the Fear of France, Popery, and the Pretender, ib. Infults 
 the Houfe of Hanover, ib. A great Dealer in Nonfenfe, j. 
 Compos d of Malice and Impudence, ib. Set to write the 
 teft Boy into Reputation,, ib An Inftance of his Nonfenfe, 
 4. His Employers commended. The wicked Defign of his 
 Paper. 6. His Fallhood detected, ib. His Pious Confolati- 
 on?, ib. 
 
 Extract frpm a Pamphlet, called, The Importance of Dunkirk 
 tvafidtr'd. N. f. 
 
 F. 
 
 TJ LYING POST always wrong or right from one End 
 
 4? to the other, N. i. 
 
 trench King, how he treafs his Subjects when he does not like 
 them, N. i. His gre^t Exa&ncfs in Performance of Trea- 
 ties, f. Particularly with Rcfpcdl; to Dunkirk, ib. And Mr- 
 <^i-, ib, And Renunciations, 6. 
 
 GENERAL
 
 Index to the Reader* 
 
 G. 
 
 f~^ ENER AL, the hte Peace wants to be prov'd fo, N. 9." 
 VJT Gblbelins, the Leader of 'em in Italy, a Puzzle in Body aad 
 
 Mind, N. 4. 
 
 Godlinefs, the Examiner's Matters had too much of it, N. 7. 
 Grace, (Babes of ) thcExaminer'sMim&ers fuch, N. 7. 
 
 H. 
 
 HARCOURT originally Trench, N. I. 
 Ha,rlay originally French, N, i. 
 Hearty, (Suburb) his Letter to the Reader, about Trench Wine 
 
 and Port, N. 8. 
 Hereditary Right, what the Aflertcrs of it may expe from a 
 
 Prince of their Principles, N. i. 
 Honeft, the People always fo, N. 4. 
 
 b 
 I, 
 
 TMPUDENT Men Matters of Nonfenfe of the Confcience, 
 J- N. 9. 
 
 Job, the O*jW Fool, reprefented by thePoJl-Boy, N. 3. 
 Juftices of the Peace, thelncreafe of Ale-Houies, N. i. 
 
 T ETTER from the Reader to the Sword-bearer of Imdm, 
 JL N.J-. 
 
 Letter to Sir Miles Wbtrton, concerning Occafional Peers, N. 6. 
 Letter to the Examiner, the Author a great Dealer in Nonfenfe 
 
 N. 3. His Writings reprefented by fmall Beer in Bottles, ib. 
 
 Has hit the fublime in Nonfenfe, ib. 
 L'bellers, the greateft complain of Libelling, N. 4. 
 Library, one lent to the Author of Hereditary Right aflcrted, 
 
 N. a. 
 Lords, the Numerous Creation of them, the greateft Wound 
 
 that can be given to the Prerogative, N. 6. do but crow4 
 
 an Aflembly, if without Merit, Or. 
 Lover a Cheat, N. i. 
 Lyes made by the Faction for a Day, N. 6. 
 
 M. 
 
 MARLBORO UGH, ( Duke of) his Hittory, written by 
 Mr./, N.tf. 
 
 Majorities
 
 Index to the Reader^. 
 
 Majorities, afted by the Nonfenfc of the Confcience; N. 
 
 Martlyke, what if Battalions were to do there, N. f. 
 
 Miniftry, the Danger of their making Occafional 
 N.6. 
 
 Monitor, the Examiner's younger Brother, began like a Pick- 
 pocket, N. 4. Infults the Houfe of Hanover, ib. Impudent 
 and Traiterous, ^ . A harden'd Sinner, 6. His Infolence 
 and Stupidity, ib. Writes againft the Duke of Cambridge, 7. 
 What Pedeftal he ftood upon, p. 
 
 NONSENSE, the Whig Examiner's Definition of it, N.^. 
 High Nonfenfe and Low Nonfenfe diftinguifti'd, ib. Dr. 
 S - / has hit rhe Sublime in ic in Divinity, ib. 
 Nonfenfe of the Uriderftanding, and of the Confciencc, dif- 
 cours'd of, N. 4. The Impudent Matters of the Latter, 9. 
 
 O. 
 
 CCA SIGNAL Lords, the Danger of them to the Peo- 
 ple, N. 6. 
 
 P. 
 
 O 
 
 PAPERS (Weekly) great Dryers, N. i. and falfe 
 Guides, ib. 
 
 Patience, the Examiner's Matters great Teachers of it, N. 7. 
 Pttce, in what bad Company the Examiner has put it, N. z. 
 Peers, (occafional) a Letter to Sir Miles Wbartop about 'era 
 
 N. 6 
 
 Peers without Patents, certain in Grtfit<'Brit(tin, N. i 
 Toft Boy a ccnfidcrable Man, N. i. Excellent in his Kind, 3. 
 
 How he refembits Job, the Oxford Fool, ib. Comes off as 
 
 an Idtot, ib. ' 
 
 FoJi-Man a Neuter Againft his Confcience, N. i. 
 Preamble to the Duke of Cambridge's Patent, N. i. 
 Pretender, the fureft Way that was lately left us to get rid 
 
 of him, N. 5-. 
 Puzzle ia Body and Mind, a Man fo, N. 4. 
 
 Q: 
 V^UESTIONS, Infolent ones of the Examiner, N. a. 
 
 ROGUES
 
 Index to the Lover. 
 
 R. 
 
 ROGUES. (Scribling) a Parcel of 'em, the Examiner, M*. 
 niter, 8cc. N. 6. 
 
 S. 
 
 i, (Dr ) has hit the Sublime in Nonfenfe, N. 3. 
 
 St.Jean, or St. John, originally French, N. i. 
 S:inrs, all the Examiner's Matters fach, N. 7. 
 Saltdury, (Bifhopof) what he fays is to be expected from an 
 
 Hereditary Right King, N. i . 
 Sicilian Majefty, what a fort of King he is, N. 9. 
 Sovereignty, when it is of Right Divine. N. 2. 
 Spain and the Indies, England not at all concera'd in the Dif- 
 
 pofal of them, N 9. 
 Spain, (King of) as great a Friend to England as to Trance, 
 
 N. 9. 
 Steel, (Mr.) his Ufage by the laft Parliament, N. 6. His Pro- 
 
 pofals for writing the Hiftory of the War in Flanders, ib. 
 
 T. 
 
 TIPLERS go one after another, N. 8. 
 Trade of the French to the Weft-Indies no Lois to us, 
 
 U. 
 
 T T N D E R S T A N D I N G, the Nonfenfe of it difcours'd 
 U of, N. 4. 
 
 W. 
 
 WH^RTOtf. (SirMZLES) a Letter to him about Oc- 
 calional Lords N. 6. 
 
 Whig 'Examiner, his Definition of Nonfenfe, N. 5. 
 Whig?, how ingenuoufly rhe Examiner has dealt by them, N. 
 
 i. Their Wifdom commended byhim, 7. 
 White Chappel, (Reiior of) his Impiety in the Altar-Piece fetup 
 
 rhriv, N.I. 
 
 Wir.c. ^f reach) not fo pood as formerly, N. 8. 
 Port more wholfome rhan Chret, ib. 
 Wrong Fellows in Great Aflemblies, defcrib'd , N. 4. A great 
 
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 which is prefix'd the Author's Life. 
 
 The Poetical Works of Mr. Jbn Milton, containing Paradife Loft 
 Padife Regain'd, Samfon ^tnijtti, and his Poems on feveral Occa^ 
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 Poems by the moft defervedly admired Mrs. Kjtherine Pkilipt, the 
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 fmfey and Horace, with feveral other Tranflations out of Frtuck. 
 
 Poems on feveral Occations ; with Valentiman, a Tragedy. Wattea 
 by the Right Honourable John late Earl of T(ochefter. 
 Poems o.i fevetal Occafions, by Mr. Pritr. 
 
 Creation, a Philofophical Poem in feven Books ; by Sir T^iclmr4 
 Blackrnorc. 
 
 The Retired Gard'ner, in two Vol. By Geor^t London and Henry W7/>, 
 Plutarch's Lives, tranflated from the Greek by feveral Hands in j v L 
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 Sentca's Morals by way of Abihaft; to which is added, a Dif- 
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 Tulles Offices in three Books, turn'd eat of Latin into Enrlifl,, by 
 Sir \ogtr L'Eftrangt. 
 
 Table-Talk j being the Difcourfes of Jhn Sclden, Efq; or his 
 Snfe of various Matters of Weight and high Confequencc relating 
 cfpecially to Religion and State. 
 
 Poetical Mifcellanies, confining of Original Poems and Tranflauons, 
 by the beft Hands. Publifli'd by Mr. Sttele. 
 
 Mr. Eachard's Ecctctiaflical Hiftory, in two Vol. 
 Poems and Tranflations by the Right Honourable Georgt Gr&nvib 
 Lord Lunfdtvjnt ; with the 'rit^b Inehantcrs, aa Qfw, 
 
 Bttkt
 
 Printed for J. Tenfold 
 
 Books lately printed in a neat Pocket Volume with a* 
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 Engliffi-man. 
 
 tors. Seven Vol. 
 rdians. Two Vol. 
 
 Plays. Two Vol. 
 Southern's Plays. Two Vol. 
 Steelc's Plays. 
 
 -Chriftian Herd. 
 Devil on two Sticks. 
 Waller's Poems. 
 Pritr's Poems. 
 Milton's Paradife Loft. 
 
 - Regained. 
 Dryden's Juvenal. 
 Diftieft Mother. 
 Catelefs Husband. 
 
 Mr. Jddtfon's Campaign a 
 
 - Cato 
 
 Sir Richard "Blackpore's Prince 
 
 Shakffptar's Works. Eight Vols. 
 
 Barro-w on Contentment. 
 
 Ambitious Step-mother. *\ 
 
 TamtrUne. f 
 
 Fair Penitent. V By w. T(owe, Ifq; 
 
 Vttfrs. \ 
 
 Royal Convert. J 
 
 Cay's Paftorals, with Cuts. 
 
 Tbeophrafttts. By Mr. Budgtll. 
 
 Condones & Orationes ex Hiftotiris Latinis Exctrfta. In "Vfum ScbU 
 Wejlmon*!leritnfis. 
 
 Grecum Tefiamentum. 
 
 Tertwii Ctmedi*. 
 
 Lucretius de T^rum Nttur*. 
 
 Phtdri Ftbul*. } By Mr. MatttAire. 
 
 Jft,ni Hijlona. 
 
 Salluftii Opera. 
 
 Vtlltii Pattrcul* Hijiori*. 
 
 The Lady's Librsiry in 3 Vols. Written ty a Lady. Fublia'd by 
 Mr. Sttele. 
 
 The Thourand and one Days : Perfmn Tales. Tranflatcd from the 
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 UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 
 
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 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, 
 
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