LIBRARY UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA RIVERSIDE |\: J Mx r^M HANDLEY CROSS BY THE AUTHOR OF "MR. SPONGE'S SPORTING TOUR" WITH SEVENTEEN COLOURED ILLUSTRATIONS AND ONE HUNDRED WOODCUTS P.Y JOHN LEF.CH A NEW KDITION NEW YORK IJ. Al'PLIl'IDN & COMF-'ANY 1903 n03 NOTE 'T*HIS Issue is founded on the Edition published by Bradbury and Evans in the year 1854 HANDLEY CROSS; OB, MR. JORROCKS'S HUNT. BT THE AUTHOR OF "MB. SPONGE'S SPORTING TOUR," '=JOEROCKS'S JAUNTS," etc. etc. WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOHN LEECH. LONDON ; BRADBURY AND EVANS, 11, BOUVERIE STREET, 1854. TO THE RIGHT HONOURABLE LORD JOHN SCOTT, ONE OF THE BEST OF BRITISH SPORTSMEN, ?rf)is Uolumc is EnscrtbcU, BY HIS OBLIGED AND FAITHFUL SERVANT, THE AUTHOR. PREFACE Mr. Joreocks, having for many years maintained his popularity, it is believed that, with the aid of the illustrious Leech, he is now destined for longevity. The Author, in the present edition, not heing tied to space or qviantity, has had a better opportunity of developing his sporting hero than before. The reader will have the kindness to bear in mind, that the work merely professes to be a tale, and does not aspire to the dignity of a novel. Lo.VDOH, Or/ol/er, lb54. CONTENTS THE OLDEN TIMES .... THE RIVAL DOCTORS AND M.V. THE RIVAL ORATORS THE HUNT BALL .... THE HUNT COMMITTEE ... THE CLIMAX OK DISASTER MR. JORROCKS .... CAPTAIN DOLEFDL's DIFFICULTIES . THE CONQUERING HERO COMES THE CONQUERING HERO's PUBLIC ENTRY THE ORATIONS .... CAPTAIN DOLEFUL AGAIN A FAMILY DINNER .... ME. JORROCKS AND HIS SECRETARY THE COCKNEY WHIPPER-IN SIR ARCHEY DEPECARDE . THE PLUCKWELLE PRESERVES . A SPORTING LECTOR HUNTSMAN WANTED JAMES PIGG ..... A FRIGHTFUL COLLISION 1 BECKFORD V. THE CUT-'eM-DOWN CAPTAINS . THE CUT-'eM-DOWN CAPTAIN's GROOM Belinda's beau .... .mr. jorrocks at earth a quiet bye ..... another benighted sportsman . pigg's poems ..... cooking up a hunt dinner . serving up a hunt dinnkb . the fancy ball .... ANOTHER HI'fiRTING LECTOR . THE LECTOR RESUMED MR. JORROCKS'S JOURNAL THE "cat AND CUSTARD-POT " DAY JAMES PIOO AGAIN ! I ! . ■MK. JORROCKs's JOURNAL THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN DAY BEN 1 14 22 32 4? 63 70 89 95 100 109 115 119 123 138 154 159 168 185 191 198 205 210 213 227 233 256 270 281 288 ;«):{ 314 330 345 350 361 368 377 CONTENTS UR. MAKMADDKK MULKYGRUBS TlIK TWO rROFKSSORS ANorilKR CATASTROPHK . THE GKKAT MK. rRKTTYKAT M.K.II. DUliGINSON . riNCll-ME-NKAR KORKST . A I'KIEND IN NEED THE SHORTEST DAY JAMES PIGG AGAIN I !! MR. JORROCKS'S JOURNAL THE CUT-'eM-DOWN CAPTAIN'S QUADS POMPONIUS EGO THE POMPONIUS EOO DAY A BAD CHURNING . THE PIGG TESTIMONIAL . THE WANING SEASON PRESENTATION OF THE PIGQ TESTIMONIAL SUPERINTENDENT CONSTABLES SHARK AND CH THE PROPHET GABRIEL . ANOTHER LAST DAY ANOTHER SPORTING LECTOR THE STUD SALE THE PRIVATE DEAL WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR; OR, THE A.D.C. MR. JORROCKS'S DRAFT . DOLEFUL V. JORROCKS THE captain's WINDFALL JORROCKS IN TROUBLE . THE COMMISSION RESUMED THE COURT RESUMES BELINDA AT SUIT DOLEFUL BELINDA AT BAY DOLEFUL PREPARED FOR THE SIEGE MBS. JORROCKS FURIOUS MB. BOWKER'S REFLECTIONS MB. JOBBOCKS TAKING HIS OTIUM CUM DIGGI DOLEFUL AT SUIT BBANTINGHAME THE GBAND FIELD DAY . A SLOW COACH THE CAPTAIN CATCHES IT THE CAPTAIN IN DISTRESS WUO-HOOP 1 . . ■ • IZELER NG A TATY COLOURED ILLUSTRATIONS Michael Hardey ...... Mr. Jorrocks Starting for "The Cut Me Countries" .... Mr. Jorrocks enters into Handley Cross Mr. Jorrocks (loq.)— "COME HUP! I say. HUGLY BEAST!" Mr. Jorrocks's Lecture ou " Unting" Mr. Jorrocks has a Bye Day . Mr. Jorrocks's Bath The Handloy Cross Fancy Ball The Kill, on the " Cat and Custard Pot " Day The Meet at Mr. Mulcygrubs "Mind the Bull" .... The Pomponius Ego Day Mr. Jorrocks Counts Twenty Sir Thomas Trout and the Bloomer Mr. Barege and the Draft Pigg in the Melon Frame Mr. Jorrocks's Return to his Family PAGE Frontispiece Down 72 103 Yon 106 165 242 255 312 367 417 444 470 531 576 587 633 696 ENGRAVINGS ON WOOD First Day of the Season Old Michael . Roger Swizzle Dr. Sebastian Mello Daucan Nevin'a Stud Waiting for the Fly Gaptaiii Doleful Places for a Country Dance Doleful begins to feel uneasy The Master of the Ceremonies mounted The Committee of Management . John Jorrocks of Great Coram Street . Miss Belinda Jorrocks .... Mr. Jorrocks engaged in Corresjiondence Mrs. Barnington, the " Malado Imaginaire " The Conquering Hero Comes" . " 'Ow are ye all ? " .... " Send my Sec. here" .... Mr. Jorrocks thinks he will shoot Doleful The Hounds and the Image Merchant . Mr. Jorrocks calling Benjamin Benjamin in the Saddle-room Mr. Jorrocks in Clover . Mr. Jorrocks'e Supporters A Horse with only one fault . " But I doesn't vont a cow t " James Figg .... Mr. Jorrocks and his Whippor-in The Cut-'om-down Captains . Mr. Jorrocks Pumping the Captain's Groom Belinda's Beau Snug and Comfoy . "The Biggest Fox whatever was seen" Mr. Jorrocks at Ongar Castle Mr. Jrjrrocks takes i)i)Hso8sion of a room Charloy and the Maid . The Mercurial Old Gentleman A Bye on the Sly . Mr. Jorrocks in C'onsultation with the Cook The Convivial Mo(!ting . . . . . Captain Doleful attiring for the Masquerade PAGE 9 13 16 18 33 40 43 54 56 65 70 75 83 92 96 111 124. 126 130 134 139 157 165 170 180 191 203 205 210 213 226 238 246 219 259 269 277 290 301 311 XIV ENGRAVINGS ON WOOD "Ah! it's Talli-ho Back!" . Top Sawyers ...... Mr. Jorrocks'a Lecture .... " Hold liard ? Easier said than done" Playing at Catch-stinnp James Piprg again III. Reconciliation of Mr. Jorrocka and Pigg Pigg flow a double flight of oak rails . A Werry Windy Day .... " Dinner is Sarved " .... Mr. Jorrocks gets a little "My-dcarer" sleeve ...... The Juvenile Muleygrubs " Pa— a— r Shoots the Fox ! " Mr. Bngginson's Bid .... Mr. and Mrs. Jorrocks .... Mr. Jorrocks has another Bye-day A Friend in Need ..... Mind his Heels ..... Handley Cross in a Frost " Hurt? no, Sir,— Rather the Contrary" A Rasper Hark— Talliho t . . . . ] There is Pigg holding the Fox above his The Waning Season .... Mr. James Pigg ..... Mr. Jorrocks and Pigg drink ' ' Fox-hunting The Old Customer Mr. Jorrocks examining his hunting attire Testimonial to John Jorrocks, Esq. The Stud Sale . . . . ' A Judge of a Horse ■ . . . Poor Xerxes ..... Counsellor Martin Moonface . . . . Mr. Jorrocks in the Inner Circle of the Rege A present to Dr. Mollo . James Pigg in the Witness-box Mrs. Jorrocks advising Belinda Doleful prepared for the Siege Bowker ejecting Benjamin . The taking of Captain D. Captain Dolefnl's Mothor-in-law Who-hoopI ..... Benjamin and his Friend exercising hunters .... Mr. Jorrocks'a card head Mr. down his nt's Park .Jorrocks'. s HANDLEY CROSS oil Mr. Jorrocks's Hunt CHAPTER I THE OLDEN TIMES " I i*espect hunting in whatever shape it appears ; it is a manly and a wholesome exercise, and seems by nature designed to be the amusement of the Briton." — Bickfokd. TI E N Michael Hardey died, great was the diffi- culty in the Vale of Sheepwash to devise liow the fanners' hunt was to be carried on. Michael, a venerable sportsman of the old school, had long been at the head of affairs, and without paying all ex- penses, had enjoyed an uninterrupted sway over tlio pack and coiuitry. The hounds at first ■were of that primitive sort upon which modern sportsmen look do'wn Few in number, uneven in size, and speed, tliey wero trencher-fed * all ■-Z^-^ with contempt. ill-matched in _ the year round, and unon any particular morning that was fixed oa for a hunt, each man mi^-'ht be seen * Uukonniled, or kept ut farm-hou!>es and cottages. B 2 HANDLEY CKOSS wending his way to the meet followed by his dog, or In-ingintr him along in a string. " There wns Invincible Tom, and Invincible Towler, Invincible Jack, and Invincible Jowler." Day would hardly have dawned ere the long-poled sportsmen assemhled with their hounds. Then they would trail np to pnss. Tipler would give the first intimation of her erratic wanderings o'er the dewy mead. Then it was, " Well done, Tipler ! Ah, what a dog he is ! " Then Moimtain would throw his tongue, and fling- ing a pace or two in advance, would assume the lead. " Well done, Mountain ! Mountain for ever " — would be the cry. Tapster next would give a long-dra-wni howl, as if in confiiMuation of his comrades' doings in front, and receive in turn the plaudits of his master. Thus they would \uiravel the gordian knot of puss's wanderings. Meanwhile other foot-people try the turnips, cross the stulsbles, and beat the hedges, in search of her — Yon tuft upon the rising groimd seems likely for her foim. Aye, Tipler points towards it. Giles Jolter's hand is raised to signal Invincible Towler, but half the pack iiish towards him, and Jolter kicks jiuss out of her form to save her from their jaws. "Hoop! Hoop! Hoop! There she goes ! " What a panic ensues ! Puss lays her long ears upon her back, and starts for the hill with the fleetness of the wind. The pack, with more noise than speed, strain every nei-ve, and the further they go the further they are left behind. Their chance seems out altogether. The hare crosses over the summit of the hill, and the hounds are reduced to their noses for the line. " Now, Mountain ! Now, Tipler ! Now, Bonnets-o'-Blue. Ah, what dogs they are ! " ***** Puff, puff, puff, go the sportsmen, running and roUing after their darlings, with little leism-e for shouting. Then, having gained the summit of the hill, the panting pedestrians would stand lost in admiration at the douigs of their favourites down below, while the more active follow in tlieir wake, ti-usting to a check to let them in. Whon a check ensued, how bipeds and quadi-upcds worked! While the latter were snijHing about, going over the same groimd half a dozen times, the former woiild call their hounds to them, and either by pricking or lifting over difficult ground contrive to give them a lead. The hunt is up again, and away they all go. The hounds strain over the grass, dash tluough the furze, THE OLDEN TIMES 8 making the spinuey resound with theii* cry, and enter upon the f;illow beyond. Mountain alone speaks to the scent, and hills re-echo his voice. — Now he's silent. — She's squatted. The prickers ai-e at work again, trying each fuiTow, and taking the rigs across. How close she lies ! ***** "Hoop!" She jumps up in the middle of the pack, and Mountain ,!:;ets a moutliful of fur. That was a close shave! — too close to be pleasant. The hill people view her, and now every move of puss and the pack is eagerly watched. " That's right ! that's right ! over the stubble. Tijder's juat going her very line. Ah, he's taken up the hedge instead of down, and Mountain has it. Now, Mountain, my man ! " She i-uns round the sheep, but Mountain hits her off Ijeyond. Now she doubles and springs back, but they work through the problem, and again puss has nothing to tiiist to but her speed. Her strength begins to fail. She makes a grand eil'oit, and again leaves her pursuers in the lurch. Slow and sure they ring her funeral knell after her, each note striking terror into her breast as she pricks her long eai's and sits listening. She nears her own haunt l)ut dare not enter. The hill jjcople descend to join the tussle at the end. Poor jniss ! her large bright eyes are ready to start out of her head. Her clean bi'own fur is clotted and begrimed, and her strength is all but exhausted. Another view ! " Poor is the triumpli o'er the timid haio." Now what a noise of men and hounds as they view her again. It is a last chance. She passes into the next grass field, and a friendly hedge conceals her from their view. She steals up the fun-ow, and reaches the wall at the high end. It is high and loose, and a few stones are out in the n)iddle. Puss jumps in.* ***** Up come the hoiuids. Mountain and Tii)ler, and Game- ster, and BounrLs-o'-Blue, Men7mau and I'errymau, and tlien a long tail, yelping, yajiping, puffing and blowing. Over they go into the lane. Now u}), now down, now backwards, now lonvards, now roiuid about, but no puss. ***** Up come the field. " Now, Mountain, my man, hit her * The muiKBuvrcB of a hunted hare are ti-uly aBtoulHhing.— The author witcesserl tht ubuvu. 4 HANDLBY CE0S8 oU ! " cries his master, vaulting over the wall, and stoop- ing to prick the hare on the road. But no prints are thfre. " She must have flown ! " ohsei-ves one. " Or sunk into the ground," says another. " Or yon tinker man's knocked her on the head," observes a third, pointing to a gipsy camp at the cross roads, and away they all go to demand the Lody of puss. ***** The tinker man shows fight on having his cauldron searched, and several stout wenches emerging from the tattei-ed cai-t awning, a battle royal ensues, and further attention is completely diverted from puss. "Well done, puss ! To proceed — The next step in the Handley Cross Himt was getting a boy to collect the hoimds before hunting.* _ They lay wide, and sometimes Mountain's master couldn't come, consequently. Mountain was not there; sometimes Tii^ler's master was absent, and the pack lost the services of Tipler's unerring nose. Next, some of the fanners began to ride. At first they came out with young horses, just to let them see hounds — then as the horses got older they thought they might as well work them till they sold them, and at last it ended in their riding as a matter of coiu'se. Foremost among the riders v.as Michael Hardey. He had always been a great promoter of the hunt, breeding his hounds as he did his horses, for speed and substance. Some used to say they were rayther too swift for a hare. Others, however, followed his examjjle, and in course of time the heavy towling harriers were convei"ted into quick and dashing hounds. Time rolled on, and Michael at length became looked npon as the master or manager of the pack. Having been always more addicted to fox than to hare, he had infused a spirit into the country which ended in making the wily animal their quarry. The homids were still kept at walks during the summer, but Michael fitted up a kennel at his farm to which they were brought towards the autumn. Peter, the pedestrian huntsman, was taken into Michael's service, clothed and mounted. • It is ouly those who have witnessed it that can credit the eagacity evinced by trencher-fed hounds in knowing the hunting mornings, placing themselves ready for the summons or rushing wth joyous cry to meut the xxiLi^scuger. THE OI.DKN TIMES 5 Of course all tliis was done by subscription. Some gave Michael casli, some gave liim com, some bay, others straw, and all the old horses in the country fonnd their way to his fann. They were then called fox-honnds. The first day of the first season, after their metamor- phosis, the hoiinds met at Handley Cross — the Godfather of our work. It was a pretty village, standing on a gentle eminence, about the middle of the Vale of Sheepwash, a rich gi'azing district, fuU of rural beauties, and renowned for the honest independence of its inhabitants. Neither f actoiy nor foiuadi-y distui-bed its morals or its quietude- steam and railroads were equally unknown. The clear curl of white smoke, that rose from its cottage chimneys, denoted the consiuuption of forest wood, with which the outskirts of the vale abounded. It was a nice clean countiy. The hazel gi-ew with an eel-like skin, and the spiry larch shot up in a cane-coloured shoot. Wild roses filled the hedges, and fragrant woodbine clambered everywhere. Handley Cross was a picturesque spot : it commanded an almost uninteiTupted view over the whole vale. Far, to the north, the lofty Gayhxirst hills formed a soft and sublime oiitline, while the rich vale stretched out, dotted with village spires, and brightened with winding silvery streams, closed in on either side with dark streaks of woodland tracts. To the south, it stretched away to the sea. Handley Cross was a simple, unpretending village ; the white-washed, thatched-roofed cottages formed a straggling square, round a village green, in the centre of which, encircled with time- honoured firs, on a flight of rude stone stejis, stood the village cross, the scene of country liirings. Basket- making was the trade of the inhabitants ; a healtJiy and prosperous one, if the looks of its followers, and tb.e vine- clad and rose-covered fronts of the cottages might be taken as an index. It had but one public-house — the sign of the Vox and Grapes, and that was little fre- quented—had it been othei-wise, there would most likely have l)oen two. Thither our master bi'ought his hounds the first day of the season in which they professedly liegan to hunt foxes. It was a day of interest in the vale, and people gatlierod from afar. Tlie morning was beautit'nlly fine, with a slight tinge of frost on the ground, that iialf-an-hour's sunshine would dissolve. A little before eight, the foot- Jjeople on the steps of the Cross descried Micliael cross- ing the vale by a line of hand-gatris from his house — the 9 HANDLEY CROSS liomida clustered round his horse, and Peter bringing np the i-ear. Ou they come at an easy, steady pave, and then the tall hedges below concealed them fi-om their view; presently they rose the hill, and entered the village gi-een. "The hounds! the hounds!" cried the children, an(i away they rushed from the Cross to meet them. Some of the hounds threw their tongues with delight, as they jumped and fawned ou the hands that had fed them ; Climbank met his master, and riTshed to him with joy, while the honest fellow felt in his pocket for the accus- tomed cnist. " Come-by-Chance" recognized his mis- tress, and nearly threw her down with the vehemence of his salute. All was cheei-f ul and bright — Michael's black hoi'se pawed the ground, and whinnied with delight, aa the hounds bayed him, or leapt against his sides. His master had paid a little extra attention to his toilette that morning ; his well-brushed, broad-brimmed hat, pressed gently on his close-lying nut-brown curls, his whiskers were newly trimmed, and he had evidently had a keen-edged razor to shave with; health was on his brow, and a good-natured smile hovei-ed o'er his swarthy face, displaj'ing the brightness of his eyes and the whiteness and regularity of his teeth. Michael was then about forty ; but for the fulness of his limbs one might have taken something off. The elements had rather hardened tlian shaiijened the featiu'es of his face. He stood six feet high, with an amazing expanse of chest, and well-propor- tioned limbs. His hunting costume consisted of a good nut-l)rown coat, abnost matching his comijlexion, a Bciiipulously clean white neck-cloth, with a Inrge flat- pocketed red waistcoat, patent cord breeches, and mahogany-coloured top-boots. His undress, or home costume, was the same, with drab gaiters instead of boots; and his full, or evening costume, ditto, without the gaiters. A twisted hunting honi was slung across his shoulder, and he rode with a spare stin-up-leather round his horse's neck. This coal-black steed was an animal of amazing speed and power— nearly thorough- bred, with _ a liglit, well-set on head, clean flat legs, immense loins and hocks ; he stood nearly sixteen hands, though the shoi-tness of his tail made him look somewhat bigger ; he was rising seven years old, and that was his first regular season. Peter was dressed Uke his mastei* — coat, waistcoat, and breeches of the same web, and rode a wry -looking bay mare, v/ith white hind-legs. He was then aljout thii-ty, shoi-t, light, and active, barely turning nine stone — Michael weighed fourteen. THE OLDEN TIMES 7 Horsemen now began to aiTive througli the various openings among the cottages on the green. First came James Fairlamb, with his men-y round face shining witli the morning snu — he rode a crop-eared cob with a Roman nose ; his di-ess consisted of a single-breasted pliim- coloiu'ed coat, with large silver buttons, black boots, and white lambswool stockings drawn over his knees. Stephen Dumpling, the doctor, appeared at the door of the only four- windowed house on the green, followed by his maid with a foaming tankard. The contents being disposed of, he mounted his dun pony, and joined the group. He was dressed in orthodox black, with powder, and a pig-tail, drab shorts, and top-boots. The plot thickened — they came by twos and thi-ees. Peter Jewitt and Han-y Jones ; two Smiths and a Brown, then another Je-ndtt, then another Jones ; Morgan Hains and John Thomas ; next a horse-breaker ; after him, Mr. Giles, the brewer, followed by the Exciseman, on a mule ; then Mr. Smith, the overseer, and Miss Fidget's young man with a letter-bag, a molecatcher, and a gamekeeper. All his comrades having come, Michael looked at his lai'ge silver hunting- watch, and seeing it was half -past eight, prepared for throwing off. The couples were taken off the young hounds, master and man cocked foi-ward their legs and tightened their girths, and then turned their horses' heads for the south, amid a chorus of delight from the hounds and the ill-supin-essed cheers of the field. A hazel copse or two were tried jiist for the sake of the chance, and on they trotted to a wanii lying cover of gorse, or bi-ushwood, fomied by the junction of two hills. Jolly-boy, Boniface, and Dexterous feathered as they a])proachcd the spot, and the fonuer dashing in with a whimper and a long-di-awn howl, Micliael took off his broad-brimmed, low-crowned hat, and waving in the pack, cheered them to the echo. His horse pricked his ears, and whinnied with delight, and could scarcely be brought to stand with his head towards the cover as Micliael stood ei'ect in his stiiTups, with one hand on the cantrol of his saddle, and the otiier holding his wlii]) and reins, while his eagle-eye roved over every part of the dell. " Have at him there, my jewel ! " cried he to old Bonny-boll — a favourite white bitch that lived witli him, and could scarcely ever be persuaded to quit his horse's heels, — as she stood whining, lifting a. foot, and looking him eamestly in tlie face; — ' Have at him tiiere, my old lass ! ' re-eeaking to it, " Wliat lenR-tha they pa.ss ! where will the wandering chnse Jjciul them bewilder'd ? " " He's close afoor you ! " cries a shepherd fi'om a straw- thatched hut, whose dog having chased the fox had caused a check, and Michael cast forward at a trot. A Hock of sheep wheeling round a field directed him to the line, and old Bonny-bell hits him off at the hedge- row. All the hoiuids then stoop to the scent and dash forward into the large wood beyond witli mischief and venom in their cry. The wood is open at the bottom and tiiey get tlirougli it like wildfire. Midiael is with them, Peter outside, witli Fairlamb behind. The wood becomes studded with evergreens and gradually opens upon a lake with a bridge of costly structure at the end; Michael views tlie fox dead beat, witli his tongue out, and brush dragging along the ground, just turning the comer to cross the bridge; and dashing fonvard, hat in hand, in another minute ran into him on the mossy lawn by the 12 HANDLBY CROSS lon-ace of OnfTiu- Castle, just as the Eavl of Biamhor and family were sitting down to breakfast. AVlio shall describe Michael's ecstasy, as he picked np the fox and held him high above the baying pack. There he stood on the well-kept lawn, with his foxgrinning in grim death in one hand and his low-crowned hat in the other, whooping and holloaing old Bonny-bell and the f)ack up to him, while the colt, in a smoking white ather, kept moving about, stamping and pawing up the mossy bank as he went. Then Michael pulled his bugle round and soimded a blast that brought Peter and Fairlamb along at the best pace they could muster, just as the Earl of Bramber threw up the breakfast-room window, and the towers of the castle flashed upon Michael's view. All, however, was right, for his lordship having been a sportsman himself, entered into his feelings, and stepping out lapon the lawn, banished the idea of intrusion by congratulating Michael on his sport. The ladies, too, followed his example, and even forgave the trampling of the horse on their mossy cai-pet. The horses and hounds were then withdi'awn from the teiTace to a comer of the park close by, where the fox's bioish, mask, and pads being cut off. Peter climbing up a neigh- bouring oak, extended himself along a strong arm across which he balanced the fox, whooping and holloaing to the hounds, while Michael and Fairlamb did the same below, and the hounds being tantalized by expectation and baying in full chonis, down went the fox crash into their mouths. " Tear him and eat him ! " was the cry, and he was riven to pieces in an instant. Years rolled on with varying sport, but with Michael at the head of the hunt. Time slackened his pace and the pace of his field ; but as they all gi-ew fat, and old, and grey together, no one noticed the change in his neighbour. The hounds got a name, and while in their zenith none could twist up a fox sooner or in better style. With plenty of music and mettle, they seldom over-ran the scent, were never pressed upon or over-ridden. They turned like harriers. Kennel lameness was unknown. As a huntsman Michael was superexcellent. He knew when to lay hold of his hounds, and when to let them alone. His voice was shrill, clear and musical, his eye quick and bright, and he saw things that others never noticed. It is told of him that one day having pressed his fox vei-y hard, and lost him most unaccountably in a wood of some ten acres, as he was telling his hounds over preparatory to going home, he all at once rode back THE OLDEN TIMES 13 to the top of a hill that commanded a view of the other side of the cover and tally-ho'd away ! Tlie fox being blown, was soon af t^.n- killed, and when Michael came to account for his movements, he said, that knowing the honnds were all out, he heard a blackbird frightened in cover, and supposed it might be by the fox moving, after they were gone. Himdi-eds of similar stories were told of him. In his large woodlands with which the outskirts of tiie vale abounded, many a fox owed his death to the way Michael tkrew in his tail-hounds at head. He knew_ liis counti-y and the runs of his foxes, and where he gained an advantage one season he did not forget to repeat it in the next. His dog language was peculiar, partaking more of the nature of dialogue than the short mono-syllabic cheering and rating of the present day. His hounds were strongly attached to him; and if by any chance he did not accompany them to cover, they would iiish full ci-y from Peter and his boy to meet him on the road. Peter was a capital coadjutor, and master and man played into each other's hands with keenness vmtinctui-ed with jealousy. The whipper-in's neiwe continued after liis master's began to fail, and he might often be seen Ijoring thi-ough a bullfinch to clear the way for old Michael, or stepping at a brook to give him a help over. Peace to Michael's manes! He died at the good old age of eighty without a groan or struggle. The lamp of life gradually flickered out, and his spirit passed away almost imperceptibly. " His memory is cherished yet ; and mariy people say, With this jjoutl did P^nKli-shman good old times are goue for aye." CHAPTER II THE RIVAL DOCTORS AND M.C, ELL, as we said before, when Michael Hardey died, g-reat was the difficiUty in the Vale of Slieei^wusli to devise how the farmers' hunt was to be carried on. The difficulty was increased by the change that had come over the country itself. After upwards of thii-ty years' occu- liancy of it, Michael wit- nessed one of those magical revolutions that ai^pear to belong rather to fiction than reality. One Rogei' Swizzle, a roy- stering, i-ed-faced, round- about ajDothecai-y, who had somewhat impaired his constitution by his jolly pei-form- ances while walking tJie hospitals in London, had settled at Aijpledove, a small mai-ket town in tJie vale, where he enjoyed a consideraljle want of practice in common with two or three other foi-tunate brethren. Hearing of a mineral spi-ing at Handley Ci'oss, which, accordnig to usual country tradition, was capable of " curing every- thing," he tried it on himself, and either the water or the exercise in walking to and fro had a vei'y beneficial effect on his somewhat deranged digestive powei's. He analyzed its contents, and finding the ingredients he exi^ected, he set himself to work to turn it to his own advantage. Having secured a lease of the spring, he took the late Stephen Dumijling's house on the green, v.here at one or other of its four front windows a numerous tribe of little Swizzles might he seen flattening their noses against the panes. Roger possessed every THE BIVAL DOCTORS AND M.C. 15 requisite for a great experimental (qy. quack) practitioner, assurance, a wife and a large family, and scarcely any- thing to keep them on. Being a shrewd sort of fellow, he knew there was nothing like striking out a new light for attracting notice, and the more that light was in accordiiuce with the wishes of the world, the more likely was it to turn to his o'WTi advantage. Half the complaints of the upper classes he kncAv arose from over-eating and indolence, 80 he tliought if he could originate a doctrine that with the use of Handley Cross waters people niiglit eat and drink what they pleased, his fortune woiild Le as good as made. To tliis end, therefore, he set himself manfully to work. Aided by the local press, he succeeded in drawing a certain attention to the water, the benefit of which soon began to be felt by tlie villagei's of the place ; and the landlord of the Fox and Grapes had his stable con- stantly filled with gigs and horses of the visitors. Presently lodgings were sought after, and carpeting Ijegan to cover the before sanded st:nrcases of the cottages. Tliese were soon foiind insuffic'ient ! and an enterprising ],>ricklayer got up a l>uilding society for the erection of a row of four-roomed cottages, called the Grand Esplanade. Others qiiickly followed, the last undertaking always eclipsing its predecessor, until that, which at first was logarded with astonishment, was sunk into insignificance })y its more pretending Invthren. The Doctor's practice '' grew with the giuwth " of Handley Cross. His rosy face glowed with health and good living, and his little black eyes twinkled with delight as he prescribed for each patient, sending tl)em away as happy as princes. " Ah, I see how it is," lie would say, as a gouty aldennan slowly disclosed tlie symptoms of his case " Sliut uj) your potatoe trap ! I see how it is. Soon set you on your legs again. Was far worse myself. All stomach, sir— all stomach, sir — all stomach —threo- foui-tliB of our complaints arise from stomach ; " stroking his corpulent protuherancy witli one hand, and twisting his patient's button with the other. " Clean you well out and th^n strengtlion the system. Dine with me at five and we will talk it all over." With languid hypochoiidiiacH he was siibtle, firm, .mil eminently successful. A lady who took it into her lu'ad that hIk' couldn't walk, Roger hail carefully carried out of her carriage into a room at the top of his house, when raising a cry of " I i.e ! " ahe came spinning down staira 16 HANDLEY CROSS in a way thiit astonished herself. He took another a mile or tA\'o out of town in a fly, when, suddenly pullinc: up, he told her to get out and walk home, which she at length did, to the great joy of her husband and friends. With the great and dig^nificd, and those who were really ill, he was more ceremonious. " You see. Sir Harry," he would say, " it's all done by eating ! More people dig their graves with their teeth than we imagine. Not that I would deny you the good things of this world, but I woidd recommend a few at a time, and no mixing. _ No side dishes. No liqueurs— only two or three _ wines. Whatever your stomach fancies give it! Begin now, to-moiTow', with the waters. A pint before breakfast — half an hour after, tea, fried ham and eggs, brown bread, and a walk. Luncheon — another pint — a roast pigeon and fried potatoes, then a ride. Dinner at six, not later mind ; gravy soup, glass of sherry, nice fresh turbot ;rnd lobster sauce — wouldn't recommend salmon — another glass of sherry — then a good cvit out of the middle of a well-browned saddle of mutton, wash it over with a few glasses of iced champagne; and if you like a little light pastry to wind up with, well and good. — A pint of old port and a devilled biscuit can hui-t no man. Mind, no salads, or cucumbeis, or celery, at dinner, or fruit after. Turtle soup is very wholesome, so is venison. Don't let the punch be too acid though. Drink the waters, live on a regimen, and you'll be well in no time." With these and such like comfortable assm-auces, he pocketed his guineas, and bowed his patients out by the dozen. The theory was pleasant both to doctor and patient, and peculiarly suited the jolly air of the giver. We beg pardon for not having drtiwn a more elaborate sketch of Mr. Swizzle before. In height he was exactly five feet eight, and forty years of age. He had a long fat red face, with little twinkling black eyes, set high in his forehead, sm-mouuted by fvdlish eye- brows and short bristly ii-on-grey hair, brushed uiJ like a hedgehog's back. His nose was snub, and he rejoiced in an ample double chin, rendered more EOGEE SWIZZLE. couspicuous by the tightness of an ill- tied white neckcloth, and the absence of all whisker or hair from his face. A counti-y-made snufE-coloured coat, black waistcoat, and short greenish > drab trousers, with high-lows, were the adjuncts of his""^ THE RIVAL DOCTORS AND M.O. l7 short ungainly figure. A peculiarly good-nativred smile hovered round tlie dimples of his fat cheeks, which set a patient at ease on the instant. This, with his unaffected, cheeiy, free and easy manner and the comfortable nature of his prescriptions, gained him innumerable patients. That to some he did good, there is no doubt. The mere early rising and exercise he insisted upon, would renovate a constitution impaired by too close apijlication to business and bad aii- ; while the gourmand, among whom his princii^al practice lay, would be benefited by abstinence and regular hours. The water no doubt had its merits, but, as tisual, was greatly aided by early rising, pure air, the absence of cares, regular habits, and the other advantages, which mineral waters invariably claim as their own. One thing the Doctor never wanted — a reason why he did not cui-e. If a patient went back on his hands, he soon hit off an excuse — "You surely didn't dine off goose, on Michaelmas-day ? " or " Hadn't you some filberts for dessert?" &c., all of which infor- mation he got from the servants or shopkeepers of the place. When a patient died on his hands, he used to say, ' He was as good as dead when he came." The Handley Cross mania spread throughout the land ! Invalids in every stage of disease and suffering were attracted by Roger's name and fame. The village as- sumed the appearance of a town. A handsome Crescent reared its porticoed front at the north end of the green, to the centre house of which the Doctor removed from his humble whitewashed cottage, which was immediately rased, to make way for a square of forty important houses. Buildings shot up in all directions. Streets branclied out, and markets, and lawns, and terraces 8tretended on a pump-room, opening into sjjaoious promenade and ball-rooms, but tlie speculatoi's nf;ver flagged, and new works were planned Ijefore those in hand were completed. A thriving trade soon Itrings competition — another patientless doctor determined to tiy his luck in oppo- sition to Roger Swizzle. Oliserving tlie fitness of that worthy's figui-e foi- tlie line he had taken. Dr. Sebastian Mello considered that his jjale and sentimental counte- nance )>etter became a grave and thoughtful character. »o determined to devote liimself to the serious portion c 18 HANDLBT CROSS of the popxilation. He too was about forty, but a fair conirlexiou, flowing sandy locks, and a slight figure, would let him pass for ten years younger. He had somewhat of a Grecian face, with blue eyes, and regular teeth, Tieing with the whiteness of his linen. Determined to be Swizzle's opposite in every particu- lar, he was studiously attentive to his dress. Not that he indulged in gay colours, but his black suit fitted without a wrinkle, and his thin dress boots shone with patent polish; turned-back cambric wristbands dis- played the snowy whiteness of his hand, and set off a massive antique ring or two. _ He had four small frills to his shu't, and an auburn hail' chain crossed his broad roll-collared waisteoat, and passed a most diminutive Geneva watch into its pocket. He was a widower with two childi-en, a boy and a girl, one five and the other _^ four. Mystery being his object, he avoided the public gaze. Unlike Roger Swizzle, who either tx'udged from patient to patient, or whisked about in a gig, !Dr. Sebastian MeUo drove to and fro in a claret-coloiu'ed fly, drawn by dun ponies. Through the plate-glass windows a glimpse of his reclining figure might be caught, lolling luxurioiisly in the depths of its swelling cushions, or musing com- placently with his chin on a massive »R. SEBASTIAN MEi.Lo. gokl-hcaded cane. "With the men he was shy and mysterious ; but he could talk and flatter the women into a belief that they were almost as clever as himself. As most of liis fair patients were of the serious, or blue-stocking school, he quickly discovered the Isent of each mind, and by studying the subject, astonished them by his genius and versatility. In practice he was also mysterious. Disdaining Roger Swizzle's one mode of treatment, he professed to take each case upon its merits, and kept a large quarto volume, into which he entered each case and its daily symptoms. Thus, while Roger Swizzle was inviting an invalid to exhibit his tongue at the comer of a street — lecturing him, perha]is, with a friendly poke in the ribs, for over-night indul- gence— Dr. Mello would be poring over his large volume, or writing Latin prescriptions for the chemists. Roger laughed at Sebastian, and Sebastian professed to treat Roger with contemi)t^still competition was good for THE RIVAL DOCTORS AND M.O. 19 both, and a watermg-place public, ever ready for excite- ment, Boon divided the place into Swizzleites and Mello- ites. Portraits appeared at the windows, bespeaking the character of each — Swizzle sat with a patient at a round table, indulging in a bee's-winged bottle of port, while Mello reclined in a ciu-iously carved chaii', one be-ringed hand supporting his flowing-locked head, and the other holding a book. Swizzle's was painted by the artist who did the attractive window-bluid at the late cigar- sli'>p in the PiccadUly Circus, whUe Sebastian was in- debted to Mr. Grant for the gentlemanly e ise that able artist invariably infuses into his admu-able portraits. Just as the rival doctors were starting into play, a third character slipped into Handley Cross, without which a watering-place is incomplete. A tall, thin, melancholy- looking man made his appearance at the Spaf and morning after rnoming pai-took of its beverage, without eliciting from widow, wife, or maid, an inquiry as to who he was. He might be a methodist preacher, or a music- master, or a fiddler, or a fencer, or a lawyer, or almost anything that one chose to fancy — he might also be any age, from five-and-thirty to fifty, or even more, for strongly indented lines f mTowed the features of a square and cadaverous countenance, while intrusive grey hairs appeared among his thin black hair, plastered to advantage over a flat low forehead — straggUng whiskers fringed his hoUow cheeks, growing into a somewhat stronger crop below the chin. His costume consisted of an old well-bnishod hat, lined throughout with black, a mohair stock, with a round eml^roidered shii-t-collar, and old white-el])owed, white- seamed black dress coat, while a scrimpy, ill-washed buff waistcoat exposed the upper buttons of a pair of much puckered Oxford-grey trowsers, and met, in their turn, a pair of square-cut black gaiters and shoes. The place being yet in its infancy, and many of the company mere birds of passage, the "unnoticed" lieldon tlie even tenor of liis way, until he eat himself into the President's chair of tlie Dragon Hotel. He then ]>ccame a man of iinjtortance. The after-coniei's, h;iving never known liiiii in any other situation, paidliim tlindet'erence due toaman wliodiiily knocked the table witli a Iwiiumer. and proposed the healtli of " Her Majesty tlie Quoen, while mutu;J convenioice connived at the absurdity of being introduced l>y a man Avho knew notliiiig of ciiiier party. Being of a ferreting disposition, he soon got 20 HANDLKY CIJOSS acquainted with people's histories, and no impediment appearinpr in the waj, he at length dii})l)ed himself Master of the Ceremonies, and issued his cards, "Captain Dolicful, M.C." Who, or wliat he was, where he came from, or any- thing about liim, no one ever cared to inquire. He was now " Master of the Ceremonies," and Masters of Ceremonies are not people to ti-ifle with. The visitors who witnessed his self-installation having gone, and feeling his throne pretty firm under him, he abdicated the chair at the Dragon, and retiring to lodgings at Miss Jelly's, a pastry-cook and confectioner, at the corner of two streets, opened books at the libraries for the reception and record of those comijlimentaiy fees that pi-udent mammas understand the use of too well for us to shock the delicacy of either pai-ty by relating. This much, however, we should mention of Captain Doleful's history, for the due appreciation of his amial>le character. He was pretty well off, that is to say, he had more than he spent ; but money being the darling object of his heart, he perhaps saved more than others would have done out of the same income. He had been in the militia — the corps we forget — but he had afterwards turned coal-merchant (at Stroud, we believe), an improsperous speculation, so he sold the good-will of a bad business to a young gentleman anxious for a settlement, and sunk his money in an annuity. There are dozens of such men at every large watering-place. In this case, a master of the ceremonies was as much wanted as anything else, for the Pump and Promenade Rooms were on the eve of couvi)letion, and there would be no one to regulate the music in the moniing, the dances in the evening, or the anticipated concei-ts of the season. It Avas out of Roger Swizzle's line, and, of course, Seljiistian Mello disappi-oved of siich frivolities. Handley Cioss had now assumed quite a different character. Instead of a quiet, secluded village, rarely visited by a stranger, and never by any vehicle of greater pretensions than a gig, it liad become a town of some pretension, with streets full of shops, large hotels, ptiblic buildings, public-houses, and promenades. The little boys and girls left their labour in the fields, to become attendants on leg-weary donkeys, or curtseying offerers of ..wild flowers to the strangers. A lovers' walk, a labyrinth, a waterfall. grott(je.s, and a robl-ers' cavo, were all establislied; autl as the controversy between the THE RIVAL DOCTORS AND !\r.C. 21 doctors waxed wai-mer, Sebastian Mello intevdioted his patients from the iise of Swizzle's Spa, and dihitlng- a spring with Epsom salts and other ingredients, pro- claimed his to be the genuine one, and all othei's spurious. He then, under the signature of "Galen," entered into a learned and rather aciimonious argument with himself, in the great London Medical Mediator, as to the wondei-ful virtues of the Handley Cross New Spa. Galen, who led the charge, while admitting Dr. Mello's gi-eat talents, had descrijjed the waters as only so so; while Dr. Sebastian Mello, disdaining the paltry 8ui)tei-fuge of an anonymous signature, boldly came foi-ward and stated facts to prove the contrary. Galen, nothing daunted, quoted other places as superior; but his vehemence diminishing in tlio ratio of the doctor's eloquent confidence, he gradually died out, leaving the doctor the undisputed champion of a water capable of cui-ing every disease under the sun. Parlia- ment being up, and news scarce, the doctor contrived, through the medium of a brother, a selector of shocking accidents, to get sundry extracts inserted in a morning paper, from whence the evening ones gladly trans- planting tliem, and the country ones rehashing them for tlieir Saturday customers, the name of the waters, and the fame of the doctoi-, spread throughout the land, and caused a wonderful sensation in his favour. The effects were soon felt, for lodgings and houses were \vritten for from all parts, and as a crowning piece of luck a railway was just then opened out to Silverley, some twenty miles beyervade the breast of every free-born Englishman, every lover of his country — every — I mean to say every — every " — here he looked imploringly round the room, as much as to say, " What a mess I'm in ! " and then casting his eyes into his hat again, attempted to read his notes, but he had made them so full, and the novelty of his situation had so bewildered him that they were of no use, and, aftr>r a long string of stutters, he slunk back into the crowd amid the laughter and applause of the com- pany. As he left the room, he dropped his notes, which, as the reader will see from the following specimen, were framed for rather a serious infliction : ' Presume to address — love of counti-y — of all out-of-door amusements, nothing like hunting — encouraged by best authorities — practised by greatest men — Sacred history — Nimrod of feabylon — Venus took the field — Adonis killed in chase — Persians fond of hunting — Athenians ditto — Solon restrained ardour — Lacedemonians and their breed of speedy dogs — Xenophone — Olympic games— Romans — Aristotle — Chjpian — Adrian — Ascanius — Somei-ville — Beekford — Meynell — Colonel Cook — Nimrod of Calais — Thanks — Attentive heai-ing." Mr. A}>el Snorem next addressed the meeting. He was a grey-headed, shai-p-visaged, long-nosed, but rather gentlemanly - looking, well - dressed man, who was notorious for addres.sing every meeting he could get to, and wearying the patience of his audiences by his long- winded orations. Throwing back his coat, he gave the table a thump with his knuckles, and immediately pro- ceeded to si)eak, lest the Chaii-man should suffer anyone else t() (•ate of any avail, the co-co-co-country might command them. At the same time he thought, that the h-li-h-hunt would be more li-li-likely to pros-pros-jjrosper if tliere were more ma-managers tlian ono. and tbata co-co-co-co-committee would Ikj the likeliest tiling under existing cir-cir-cir- cumstances to give Ha-tis-tis-faction. -He therefore be-be-ljegged to move tlie following resolution. -That it is expe-pe-pedient that the Vale of She-she-sheepwash ho-ho-ho-h(MindH sliould in fu-fu-future Ite canied on by HnbHcrijttion, ]>y a co-(!o-ly usrly horse, and had a rheimiatic affection in one of his hind legs, that caused him to limp, and occasionally go on three legs. He was never fast, and sixteen or seventeen years had somewhat slackened the pace of his yonth; but he was a remarkably hard-constitutioned animal, that no one could drive beyond his speed, and he could creep through or leaij almost anji;hiuo' he was piit to. The harriers being done up. the subscribers had hand- somely pi'esented the huntsman with his horse, which he came to oft'er Duncan Nevin for'his stud. " He's vnrrar like the field," observed Nevin, eyeing liiiii."})ut liis tail's Hliocking Hlia])l)y, more like a worn-out wliiteirnr-lmiKli than anythijig else — our customers require tliiMii liand- Home — I fear he would only do for the field — I want thoni generally useful." The huntsman dfclai-ed he would go twice a-week all the season, and olV^red to hvip him ovrr a gate. This h<» did so well, that Duncan Nevin jiriced him — fifteen i)oundH was all he aksed, and he bought him for ten. 1) 34 HANDLEY CROSS A sixteen liauds bad Lay mare, with a very large head, very li^lit middle, and tail down to the hoclvK, was his next purchase for the field. She was a showy, washy, use- less beast, that could caper round a comei- or gallop half-mile heats, if allowed plenty of breathing time, but invariably pulled off her shoes at her leaps, and was a whistler to boot — she cut behind and dished before — still she had an undeniable tail, and her size, and great hocks, as she stood well clothed and littered, gave her the appearance of a hunter. She was six years old, had never done any work — Ijecause she never could, and in all probability nevei- would. The wags christened her Sontag, on account of her musical powers. Fair Rosamond, a little cantering up and down white hack, stood in the third stall ; and when all the three fly- horses were in, which was never except at night, the six- stall stable was full. The news of the pui-chases flew like lightning; the number was soon magnified into ten — crowds besieged the mews to learn the tenns, and the secretary wrote to know what Nevin meant to give to the hunt. Everything now looked cheerful and bright— the hounds were the finest playthings in the world — they fuiiiished occuiDation morning, noon, and night. Every man that was ever known to have been on horseback was invited to qualify for wearing the unrivalled uniform. Names came rolling in rapidly — the fannei-s, to the number of fifteen, sent in their five and ten pound notes, while the visitors were extremely liberal with their names, especi- ally on a representation from Eleeceall, that payment might be made at their convenience— their names, the honoio' of their names, in slioi-t, being the principal thing the conmiittee looked to. Dennis O'Brien put his down for tive-and-twenty guineas, Romeo Simpkins did the same for five, Abel Snorem promised "to see what he could do," and all wrote, either promisingly, encouragingly, or kindly. Duncan Nevin converted a staljle into a kennel and feeding-house, and gave up his wife's drying-ground for an airing yard, into which the jjoor hounds were getting constantly turned from their comfortable benches, by one or other of the committee showing them oft" to his friends. Then the make, shape, and colour of every hound was discussed, and what some thought defects, others considered beauties. Tlie kennel was pretty strong in num- bers, for all the worn-out, l)leai'-eyed hounds were scrai^ed together from all pai-ts of the "Vale, to make a show; while a white terrier, with a l)lack patch on his eye— who THE HUNT BALL 35 was re-cliristened "Mr. Fleeeeall "— aud an elegantly- clipijed, curled, dressed, and aiTane:ed black French IXMDdle, were engraged to attract tlie ladies, who seldom have any taste for foxhounds. Every allm-ement was resorted to, to di'aw company. Poor Peter soon hegan to feel the change of sei'vice. Instead of Michael Hardey"s friendly intercourse, almost of equality, he was ordered here, there, and everywhere, hy his numeroiis masters ; it was Peter here, Peter there, and Peter everywhere, no two masters agreeing in orders. Smith would have the hounds exercised by daybreak ; Bamington liked them to go out at noon, so that he could ride with them, and get them to know him; and Dumpling thought the cool of the evening the pleasantest time. Then Bamington would direct Peter to go on the north road, to make the hounds handy among caniages, while Dumpling, perhaps, would wi-ite to have them brought south, to trot aVjout the downs, and get them steady among mutton; while Smith gi-umbled, and muttei-ed something about "'blockheads' — "knowing nothing about it." Each committee-man had his coterie, with whom he criticized the ctmduct of his colleagues. Autumn " bro^vned the V>eech," but the season being backwardly, and the managers not exactly agreeing in the choice of a whipper-in, the ceremony of cub-hunting was disjiensed with, and Peter, with the aid of Barning- ton's groom, wlxj had lived as a stable-boy with a master of hounds, was ordered to exercise the pack among the deer parks and jjreserves in the neighbourhood. November at length approached ; the latest packs began to advertise ; and Kirbygate stood forth for the Melton hoiinds on the Monday. All tlien was anxiety ! Saddlers' shops were thronged at all hours. Griffith, the prince of whip-makers, oi>ened an estaliliHliment containing every possible variety of hvmting-whip; and Latclifoi'd ap- E)inted an agent for the sale of his " persuaders." adies busied tliemselves with jjlaiting hat-cords for their favourites, and the l<^w green chair at the l)Oot- maker's was constantly oricujiied 1)y some gentleman witli liis leg cocked in tlic air, as if he had taken a lit, getting measured for " a ]jair of tops. " How to coniraenc-e the sejison most ]>rilliantly was the question, ami a most diffic^ult one it was. Dumpling tnought a '" fl:in--up '" tA' firf^works ovt-r-night would he a flasli thing; Hound-the-conicr Smith w;ih all for a hunt dinner; and aftei- >eing too low, and some few too higli for her, and being the daughter of a Leeds manufacturer, she could not. of course, liear the idea of anything connected with trade. At the adjournment of each meeting, Doleful repaired to her and reported progress, can-ying witli him a list of invitations, acceptances, and refusals, with a prospectus of tliose they tliought of inviting. These latter under- went a rigid scrutiny l)y Mrs. Bamington, in aid of which all Doleful's local knowledge, together with Mrs. FribV)le's millinery knowledge, Debrett's Baronetage, and Burke's Landed Gentry of England, were called together, iind tlie list was reduced by striking out names with an elegant gold i)encil-case with an amethyst seal, a.s she languished out lier length on a chaise-longue. <')ne hundred and fifty-three acceptances, and nineteen invitations out, were at length reported the strength of the i)arty ; and Mrs. Baniington, after a few tlioughtful luoments passed in contemplating the ceiling, expressed her opinion that tliere ouglit to be a regular supj^er, and desired Doleful to t*»ll Baniington that he mvist do the thing iiH it ought to l>e, if it were only for her credit. Poor Doleful looked miserable at the mention of such a thing, for Smith and Dnnii)ling had already begun to gniiiii)le and ccjiniilain at the niagnitudf» <>f the affair, which they had exjMicted would have been a more snug ijarty among the members of the hunt and their fjiends, infltead of beating up for recniits all the country lound. Doleful, however, like a skilful militia-uian. accomplished his object by gaining Duni])ling o\f'i- iirat, which he did by ijointing out what an admiraljle opi>ortunity it was for a handsome young man like hiuiself, just beginning life, to get into good society, and perhaps man*y an 38 HANPLEY CROSS heiress ; and Dumplinpf Leinj? rather a i^wdding-headed sort of fellow, saw it exactly in that light, and agreed to support Dolefnl's motion, on the assurance that it made very little difPereuce in the expense whether the eatables were set out lengtliways on a table and called " supper," or handed about all the evening under the name of "re- freshments." Indeed, Dolefiil thovight the supper might be the cheaper of the two, inasmuch as it would prevent the pilfering of servants, and the repeated attacks of the hungiy water-drinking guests. This matter settled, then came the fluttering and chopping-off of chickens' heads, the wi-inging of turkeys' necks, the soaking of tongues, the larding of hams, the plucking of pheasants, the skewei-ing of partridges, the squeezing of lemons, the whipping of creams, the stiffen- ing of jellies, the crossing of open tarts, the colouring of custards, the shaping of blancmange, the making of macaroons, the stewing of pears — all the cares and con- comitants of ball-making and rout-giving; and Spain, the " Gunter " of the place, wrote off to London for four- and-twenty sponge-cake foxes, with canary-coloured rosettes for tags to tlieir brushes. The great, the important night at length arrived. The sun went down amidst a brilliant halo of purple light, illuminating the sky with a goodly pi-omise of the coming day, but all minds were absorbed in the events of the evening, and foi- once tlie poet's " gay to-moiTow of the mind " was disregarded. Every Hy in the town was engaged nine deep, and Thompson and Fleiiris, the opposition London and Pai-isian peiTuquiers, had dressed forty ladies each before five. Towards dusk, young gen- tlemen whose liair " curled naturally " came skulking into their shops to get the "points taken off"; after which, quite unconsciously, the irons were " rim through," and the apprentice boys made door-mats of their heads by wijnng their dirty hands upon them, under pretence of putting a little " moisture in " ; while sundry pretty maids kept handling little paste-board boxes over the counter, with whis]>ered intimations that " it was wanted in time to di-ess for the ball." Master tailors sat with their workmen, urging their needles to the plenitude of their pace; and at dinner-time there were only three gentlemen in all the place minus the canary-coloured inexpressibles, and one wliose sky-blue coat could not be lined imtil the Lily-white-sand train brought down a fresh supply of pink silk fi'om town. Doleful began dyeing his hair at three, and by five had THE HUNT BALL 39 it as dark as Wan-en's blacking. Mrs. Barnington did not rise mitil after the latter lioiu-, having breakfasted in ]jed ; and young ladies, liaviug taken quiet walks into tlie fields with theii- mammas in the morning to get up complexions and receive instructions whom to repress and whom to encoin-age, sat without books or work, for fear of tarnishing the lustre of their eyes. Night (b-ew on— a death-like stillness reigned around, broken only by the occasional joke of a stationary fly- man, or the passing jibe of a messenger from the baker's, tailor's, or milliner's. The lower rooms of all the houses at length became deserted, and lights glimmered only in the upper stones, as though the inhabitants of Handley Cross were )-etiring to early rest. # # * * * Again, as if by general con.sent, tlie lights descended, and in di-awing-rooms where the blinds had not been di-awn or curtains closed, those who stood in the streets might .see elegantly dressed young ladies entering with flat candlesticks in their hands, and taking their places before the fire, with perhaps a satin-slippered foot on the fender, waiting with palpitating hearts for their flys, anxious for the an-ival of the appointed time, dreading to be early, yet afraid to be late. Wheels had been lieard, but they had only been " taking up," none as yet having started for the ball. At length the clatter of iron steps, the banging of doors, and the superfluous cry of " Rooms ! " resounded through the town, and the streets Ixjcame redolent of animal life. A line of can-iages and flys was soon fonned in Bi-am- U;r Street, and Hector Hardman, the head constable, with liis gilt-lieaded staff in his hand, had terril)le diffi- culty in keeping order, and the horses' heads and carriage poles in their jdaces. "Vehicles from all quarters and of every description came pouring in, and the greetings of the post-lioys from a distance, the sliingings of the fly- men, witli the dictatorial tones of gentlemen's (■oaiiii)iiiiy. The "Ongar Rooms " were just fiuisiied, and with the exception of a cliarity bazaar for tli«,> i)ur|)(jse of eatablishing a Sunday school at Siena Leone, had never been used. They were a handsome suite of rooms on tlie ground floor, entered from the street by two or tliree stone steps, under a temporary canopy encircled with 40 HANDLEY CROSS everfrreens and variegated lamps. From the entraiice- liall, in which at each end a g'ood fire blazed, two rooms branched off, one for ^gentlemen's cloaks, the other for ladies. Immediately in front of the entrance, scarlet foldinfr- doors with i-ound panes opened into a well-pro- portioned ante-room, which ajjain led into the Ijall-room. Ranj^ed in a circle before the folding-doors, stood Bainington,*Smitli, Doleful, and Diimpling, all grinninj^, ■WAITIKG Foil THE 1 r.V and dressed in sky-blue coats with pink linings, white waistcoats, canary -coloured shoiis, and white silk stockings, except Doleful, who had on a crumpled pair of nankeen trousei's, cut out over the instep, and jnickered roimd the waist. Dumpling's dress was very good, and woidd have been perfect, had he not spoited a pair of half dirty yellow leather gloves, and a shabby black neckcloth with red ends. There they all stood grinning THE HUNT BALL 41 aucl bowiuK lis the eutrauces were effected, and Doleful introduced their mmieroiis friends with whom they had not the hajjpiuess of a previous acquaintance. The plot soon thickened so much, that after bowinsf their heads like Chinese mandarins to several successive parties who came pushing then- way into the room A\-ithout receiving- any salutation in return, and the blue coats with pink lining' becoming too numerous to ali'ord any dis- tingiiishing mark to the visitors, oiu- managers and master of the ceremonies got carried into the middle of the room, after Avhich the company came elbowing in at their ease, making up to their mutual friends as though it were a public assembly. The tiddlers next began scraping their instiiimeuts in the orchestra of the ball-room like horses anxious to be off. and divers puffs of the horn and bassoon soimded through tlie building, but still the doors remained closed, and Doleful cast many a longing, anxious eye towards the folding-doors. Need we say tor whom he looked?— Mrs. Bamington had not anived. The music at length burst forth in good earnest, and Doleful, after niuiierou.s iufiuiries being made of him why the ball did not commf'uce, at length asked Bamington if he thought his grK»d lady was coming; when most oppoiliniely, a buzz and noise were heard outside- the folding-dfjors flew ojjen. and in Mi-s. Bamington sailed, with her niece, Miss Rider, on her arm. Mi-.s. Bamington was a fine, tall, languishing-looking woman, somewhat getting on in years. ])ut with nuirked )»'nidins of l>eauty. "sicklied oer with tiie pale cast" of liHtlessness, produced by a mind unoccupied, and Ijodily strength unexercised. Her featui-es were full-sized, good, and regular, lier comi)lexion clear, witli dark eyes that Hoarkled when lighted with animation, ]>ut more generally reposod in a vacant stare wliether she was engaged in cfjiiversation or not. Slie wore a sjjlendid tiara of diamonds, with costly necklace and eaiTings of the same. Hor dresH, of the richest and palest j)i7ik satin, wa.s girdl^^d with a y the separa*^ion of the company, — " A (iiiceu iu jcBl, only to &II the hc«qu." 42 HANDLEY CROSS Doleful and the manafjers came foi*ward to receive her, and she inclined herself slightly towards them and tlie few people whom she deigned to recognize. Having, after infinite persuasion, consented to open the liall with Dumpling, and having looked round the company with a vacant stare, and ascertained that there was no one who could vie with her in splendour, she resignedly took his arm, and the Ijall-room door being at length thi-owm open, she sailed up to the top of the room, followed by countless sky-blue coated and canary- legged gentry, escorting their wives, daughters, or partners, with here and there a naval oi- military uniform mingling among the gay throng of sportsmen and variously clad visitors. Most brilliant was the scene! The I'oom was a perfect blaze of light, and luckless were the wearers of second-hand shoes or ball-stained gloves. There was Dennis O'Brien, towering over the head of everybody else, with his luxuriant whiskers projecting fi'om his cheeks, like cherub's wings on church corners, with an open shirt collar, confined by a simple blue ribbon, and a superabundant display of silk stocking and calf from below his well-tilled canary-coloured shorts, — for smalls would be a libel on the articles that held his middle man. His dark eyes sparkled with vivacity and keenness —not the keenness of pleasure, but the keenness of plunder, for Dennis had dined off chicken broth and lemonade to be ready to " Cut the light pack or call the rattling main," as occasion might offer towards the morning. Snorem, too, had decked himself out in the uniform of the hunt, and this being his usual bed-time, he walked about the room like a man in a dream, or a tired dog looking where to lie down. Then there was Romeo Simpkins, who had just arrived by the last Lily-white-sand train, and had all his friends and acquaintances to greet, and to admire his own legs for the first time protruding through a pair of buff" shorts. Fleeceall stood conspicuous with a blue patch on his eye, pointing oiit his new friends to his wife, who was lost in admiration at the smartness of her spouse, and her own ingenuity in applying the rose-coloui-ed lining of an old bonnet to the lajis of his sky-Vjlue coat. Now the music strikes up in lull chorus, and Doleful walks about the room, clapping his hands like a farmer's Ijoy frightening crows, to get the company to take their places in a country dance ; and Mrs. Barnington, having stationed herself at the top, very complacently leads off THE HUNT BALL 43 with "hands aci'oss. down the middle, and up again," with Stephen Dumpling, who foots it away to the utmost of his ability, followed by Round-the-comer Smith with her niece, Barnington with Miss Somebody-else, Romeo Simpkins with Miss Trollope, Dennis O'Brien, who looks like a capering light-house, with little old Miss Mordecai, the rich money-lender's daughter, and some thii-ty or forty couples after them. Mrs. Baming- OAPTAIH DOLRFUI. PF.ACHH FOB A COl'NIKV SAMOE ton'H train being inconvenient for dancing, and liaving been twice trodden upini, upon reaching the l)of toni on the tliird time down llie middle, hIk^ vcn-y coolly takes Dnnipling's arm. and walks off to tlie sofa in tlie bay window, where, liaving deposited herself, she dcspatclieH Dumpling to dcHire her husband not to exert himself too much, ami t^) come to lier the moment the dance is done. The '(nintry (lance In-ing at length finished, a quadrille (((lickly followed; aft«;r which came a waltz, then a 44 HANDLBY CROSS gallop, then another quadrille, then another waltz, then a reel; until the jaded musicians began to repent having heen so anxious for the start. Towards one o'clock the supper-room door was heard to close with a gentle tlap, and Doleful was seen stealing out, with a selt-satistied grin on liis countenance, and immediately to proceed round the room, infonuing such of the company as he was acquainted with, from having seen their names in his suljscription book at the library, that the next would be the " supper dance " ; a dance that all persons who have " serious intentions " avail them- selves of, for the interesting purpose of seeing each other eat. Accordingly Dennis O Brien went striding about the ball-room in search of little Miss Mordecai ; Captain Doleful iisurped Stephen Dumpling's place with Mrs. Bai-nington ; Round-the-corner Smith started after the niece, and each man invested his person, in the way of a " pair-off,"' to the best of liis ability. Barnington was under orders for Dowager Lady Tuniabovit, who toadied Mrs. Barnington, and got divers dinners and pineapples for her trouljle; and Stephen Dumpling, being now fairly " let into the thing," was left to lug in the two Miss Dobbses on one aim, and old Mother Do])bs on the other. The simple-minded couples then stand up to dance, and as soon as the quadrilles are in full activity. Doleful offers his arm to Mrs. Bai-nington and proceeds into tlie supiDer-room, followed ]iy all the knowing ones in waiting. But what a siilendid suj^per it is ! A cross table with two long ones down the centre, all set out with turkeys, chickens, hams, tongues, lobster salads, spun sugar pyramids, towers, temples, grottoes, jellies, tarts, creams, custards, pineapples, gi-apes, peaches, nec- tarines, ices, plovers' eggs, pra-vvns, and four-and-twenty sponge-cake foxes, with blue, red, and canary-coloured rosettes for tags to their brushes ! Green bottles with card labels, and champagne bottles without labels, with sherry, &c., are placed at proper intervals down the table, — the champagne yielding a stronger crop upon the more fruitful soil of the cross table. Who ordei'ed it, nobody knows, but there it is, and it is no time for asking. Shortly after the first detachment have got com- fortaVjly settled in their places, the music stops, and the dancers come crowding in with their panting partners, all anxious for lemonade or anything better. Then plates, knives, and forks are in request ; the " far gone " ones eating with the same fork or spoon, those only " half gone" contenting themselves with using one plate. THE HUNT BALL 45 Bamington is in the chair at the cross talkie, with a fine sporting device of a fox, that looks very like a wolf, at his back, on a white ground with " Floreat Scientia "' on a scroll l)elow, the whole tastefully decorated with ribbons and rosettes. DunipUng and Smith are Vice- Presidents. Hark to the clatter ! " Miss Thompson, some turkey ? allow me to send you a little ham with it ? " " Mrs. Jenkins, here's a delicious lobster salad." " Now, Fanny, my ^ecir, see you're dropping the preserve over yoiu- dress 1 " '" Oh dear ! there goes my knife ! " ■■ Never mind, ma'am, I'll get you another." " Waiter ! bring a clean glass — (wo of them!" "What will you take ? " " Champagne, if you please." " Delightful ball. isn't it ? " ■' How's your sister ? "' " Who'll take some pineapple punch ? " " I will, with pleasure.'' " I've burst my sandal, and my shoe will come off." " Dear, that gi'eat awkward man has knocked the comb out of my liead." '■ Go to see tlie liounds in the morning ! "' "Susan, )»i)i(/, there's mamma looking." "Waiter! get me some jelly." " Bachelors' balls always the pleasant- est." "Baruington is married." "Oh, he's uohodu V "Dumpling does it and stuttering Smith, there's no Mislrr Baniington. " " There's the ca])tain — I wonder if he sees us." " Oli the .sfoopid ! he icon't look this way. Should like to break his provoking head ! " " How's your horse H Has it leanit to canter ? " " Take some tongue." " Champagne, if you please." Thus went the I'iittle, prattle, jaljlier, and tattle, until Mr. Baniington, wlio had long l>een looking very iineasy, being unable to bear the further fro^vns of his wife, at lengtli rose from his seat for the most awful of all purijoses, tliat (^f monopolizing all the noise of the room.— a moment that can cmly lie appreciated by those who have filled the unhapijy situation of chairman in a company of ladios and genMomen, when every eye is pointed at the unfoi-tuiiate victim, and all ears are open to catch and criticize what he says. "Baniington! Bamington ! chair I chair! order ! orffor ! Hilcnce ! " cried a liuiidi(!d voices, in th'> midst of whi'h Mr. lianiington tried to Kt<>al ;iway with Iiis speech, Imt luid (o " wiiip back " and i)Cgiii again. " Gentlemen and ladies (ordei- 1 order !), I mean to say, Mr. Vice-Presidents, ladies, and gontlcnion (hear, hear), T bog to propose the liealth of the Queen — I mean to say, the ladips who have honoured iis with their jn-esence tliis evening." Great applause, and every man drank to his sweetheart. 46 HANDLEY CROSS Mrs. Baruington looked unutterable thinpfs at her spouse as lie sat down, for women are all orators or judges of oratory, and Avell poor Baniington knew the vigour of her eloquence. Beckoning Doleful to her side, she desired him to tell Baraington not to look so like a sheepish schoolboy, but to hold himself straight, and speak out as if he were sumehoch/. Tliis Doleful interpreted into a handsome compliment, which so elated oiir unfortiuiate, that he immediately plucked up coiu'age, and rising again, gave the table a hearty thump, and begged the company woidd fill a bumper to the health of the strangers who had honoui-ed the Handley Cross hunt ball with their company. The strangers then began fidgetting and looking out an orator among themselves, but were put out of susj^ense by the rising of Dennis O'Brien, who returned thanks in one of his usual felicitous and appropriate speeches, and concluded by proposing the health of the chairman. Bamington was again on his legs, thanking them and giving " Success to fox-hunting," which was acknow- ledged by Snorem, who, being half asleep, mistook it for the time when he had to propose the healths of Smith and Dumpling, to whom he paid such lengthy compliments that the ladies cut him short by leaving the room. All restraint now being removed, the gentle- men crowded up to the cross table, when those wlio had been laying back for supper until they got i-id of the women, went at it wth vigorous detennination, — corks flew, dishes disappeared, song, speech, and sentiment were huddled in together, and in a very short time the majoi-ity of the company were surprised to find themselves amazingly funny. CHAPTER V THE HUNT COMMITTEE " It is onr opening clay." ANDLEY CROSS Inid a very debauched look tlie iiiorn- inf? after tlie limit Lall. Tlie Oufj^ar Rooms Ijein^;- lifrhted witli windows !• o u u d the top, with covered gralleries outside, for the accommodation of iiulliners. ladies' maids, and such as wsh to criticize their masters and mis- tresses, had no protecting blinds ; and a strong party having settled themselves into " threesome " reels— the gentlemen for the pur- pcjse of dancing themselves sober, the ladies, like Goldsmith's cknvn, to try and tire out the orchestra — the ball seemed well calculated to last for ever, when the apjiearance of daylight in the room made the wax lights look foolish, and caused all the old chai^erons to rush to their charges and hurry them off, U'fore bright PIkjjIjus exposed the forced complexions of the night. All then was huiTy-skurrjyr ; carnages v/orc called up. and hnn-ied off as though the plague had broken out, and Johns and Jehus were ast^^nished at tlie biisll"- of ttu-ir " mississcs." Tlie last fly at Icugtli drove off; the variegated lamps round the festooned porch lx>gaii glimmering and dying in Huccession, as Doleful and the remaining gentlemen utood 1x)wing, grinning, and kissing their hands to tlieir denarting partners, while their blue coats iind <'anary- coloured slioi-ts exhibited every variety of shade uud complexion that the colours are capabh' of. Uoleful's hair, too, .-isstimed a vermilion hue. The town was clear, liright, and tnmfiuil; no sound disturl^d the 48 HANDLEY CROSS quiet streets, and there was a balmy freshness in the morning air that breatlied gratefully on the feverish fi'ames of the heated dancers. The cock, " the trumpet of the morn,"' had just given his opening crow, in farmer Haycocks yard behind the rooms, and the tinkling bells of the oxen's yoke came softened on the air like tlie echoing cymbals of the orchestra. St. Greorge's chapel clock strikes ! Its clear silvery notes fall full uj^on the listeners' ears. " One ! two ! three ! four ! five ! six ! — six o'clock ! " and youths say it is not worth while going to bed, while men of sense set oft' without a doi;bt on the matter. Some few retuni to the supper-room to share the ends of champagne bottles and lobster salads with the waiters. Morning brought no rest to the jaded horses and helpers of the town. No sooner were the Rosinantes released from the haniess of the flys, than they were led to the stable-doors and wis2)ed and cleaned in a manner that plainly shoAved it was for coming service, and not for that performed. Bill Gibbon, the club-footed ostler of the " Swan Hotel and Livery Stables," had eight dirty fly-horses to polish into hunters before eleven o'clock, and Tom Turnbiun, and his deaf-and-dumb boy, had seven hunters and two flys ordered for the same hour. There was not a horse of any description biit what was ordered for the coming day, and the donkeys were bespoke three deep. If Duncan Nevin had had a dozen Bull-dogs and Sontags, they would all have been engaged, and on his own terms too. " Oh, sir ! " he would say to inquirers, " that Bull-dog's a smart horse— far too good for our work — he should be in a gentleman's stable — Did you ever see a horse so like the field, now P I'm only axin thii-ty pound for him, and it's really givin' of him away — I couldn't let him go out under two guineas a day, and then only with a very carefid rider, like yourself. Cost me near what I ax for him, in the summer, and have had to p\it him into condition myself. Oats is very dear, I assure you. Perhaps you'd have the kindness not to say that he's hired, and save me the duty P " A little before eleven the bustle commenced ; the first thing seen was Peter leaving the kennel with the hounds, Abelard, the black poodle, and "Mr. Fleeceall," the white terrier with a black eye. Peter was dressed in a new scai'let frock coat with a sky-blue collai', Ijutt' striped toilanette \/aistcoat, black cap, new leathers and boots. THE HUNT COMMITTEE 49 His whip, spixis. fjloves, bridle, and saddle were also new, and Le was riding a new white horse. Barnington's gi-oom followed, similarly attired; and this being his fii-st appearance in the character of a whij)per-in, he acted fully xip to the designation by flopping and crack- ing the hounds with his whip, and crying, '" Co'p, co'p, hounds ; — Go on, hounds — go on I — Drop it ! — Leave it ! — To him, to him I " and making sundry other orthodox noises. Lamp-black was that morning in great request. Bi'oken knees, collar, and ciaipper marks had to be effaced, and some lequired a t(mch of lamp-black on their heads, where they had knocked the hair off in their falls. The saddling and bridling were unique ! No matter what soi-t of a mouth the horse had, the first bridle that came to hand was put into it. Stephen Dumpling's horse, having travelled from home, was the first of the regulars to make his appear- ance in the sti-eet. He was a great, raking, sixteen hands chestnut, with " white stockings." and a Isang tail down to the hocks. He was decorated with a new bridle Avith a blue silk front, and a new saddle with a liTinting-horn. Steplien's lad, dressed in an old blue dress-coat of his master's, witli a blue and white striped livery waistcoat, top boots, and drab cords, and having a cockade in his hat, kept walking the horse up and down before the Dragon Hotel, while Stephen, witli a feverish pulse and acliing head, kept sipping his coifee. endeavouring to make himself believe he was eating his breakfast. At last he lighted a cigar, and appeared, whip in hand, under the arched gateway. He had on a new scai-let coat with a blue collar, the same (Ad rod-ended neck-cloth he had worn at tlie ball, and an infinity of studs down an ill-fitting, liadly-wasluHl sliii-t, a Ijuff-waistcoat, and a pair of make-believe leathers— a sort of wliite flannel, that after the roughings of many wasliings give gentle- men the a{>pearance of hunting in tlieir di-awers. His l>ootfl had not V>een "put straight"' aft^'r tlie crumpling and creasing they liad got in his "bags"; tronseqiiently there were clivers patches of lilacking traiiMfr'ne(f to the tf this, the tojiH retained lively evidence of their recent scouring in thesliape of sundry u|)and down strokes, iikf the first coat of wliito-waHliing. or what lioiiHt;-|);iintling'8 appoar.inri' in the sli'ocf \v;in []\<>, Mignul for E 50 HANDLEY CROSS many who were still iit their breakfasts to bolt the last bits of mnfliii. drink iqi their tea. and straddle into tlie passage to look for hats, gloves, and whiits. Doors opened, and spoi-tsmen emerged from every house. Ro\md-the- cornor Smith's roan mare, witli a Jumting horn at the saddle-bow, had been making the turn of Hookem's liln-ary for ten minutes and more ; and the stud of Lieutenant Wheeler, the flash riding-mastei — seven "perfect broke horses for road or field." with two unrivalled ponies — had passed the Dragon for the eight Miss Mercers and their brother Tom to go out upon to "see the hoi^nds." Then son*y steeds, mth soirier equipments, in the charge of very soi-ry -looking servants, paced up and down High Street, Paradise Row, and the Crescent ; and a yellow fly. No. 34, with red wheels, drove oft" with Dumpling's nondescript servant on the box. and the three Miss Dobbses, and Mother Dobbs, in scarlet silk pelisses, with sky-blue ribbons and handkerchiefs, inside. Jaded j'oung ladies, whose looks belie their assei-tions assure their mammas that they are not in the " least tired," step into flys and drive away throiigh High Street, kissing their hands, bowing and smiling, right and left, as they go. Abel Snorem, having purchased a pair of new top- boots, appears in the sky-blue coat, lined with pink silk, and the canary-coloured shoi'ts of the previous evening, looking very much like a higli-sherifP's horse foot-man going oiTt to meet the judges. Not meaning to lisk his neck, although liooted, he makes the fourth in a fly with Mr. and Miss Mordecai, and fat old Mi". Cruzzle, who goes from watering-place to watering-plac(i. trying the comparative merits of the waters in restoring appetite after substantial meals : he looks the picture of health and apoplexy. Mrs. Bai-nington's dashing yellow barouche comes hui-rying down the street, the bays bearing away from the pole, and the coachman's elbows sticking o\it in a coiTesjionding form. Of course all the flys. hoi'.ses, and passengei's that are not desirous of being driven over by " John Thomas," the London coachman, are obliged to get out of the way as fast as they can, and he pxills lip with a jerk, as thougli he had discovered the house all of a sudden. Out rush two powdered flunkeys in red plush breeches, pink silk stockings, and blue coatees, when, finding it is only their lue cravat, canary-cc)loured waistcoat, well-cleaned leathers and gloves, and exquisitely polished boots, witli very bright spurs. Doleful, who is rather in disgrace, for having introduced a i)artner to one of the three Miss Dobbses over night. ;ind has just had a wigging for his troul^le, sneaks Ijehind, attired in a costume that would have astonislied Tom Rounding himself, at the Epping Hunt. It consists of an old militia coat, denuded of its facings and trapi)ings, made into a single-breasted hunting coat, but, for want of cloth, the laps are lined, as well as the collar covered, with blue : hi.s waistcoat is pea-gi-een, imparting a most cadaverous hue to his melancholy countenance, and he has got on a pair of old white moleskin la-eeches. sadly darned and cracked at the knees, Hossian hoots, witli large tassels, and black heel spui-8. He can-ies his hat iii one hand, and a black gold-headed o]tera cane in the otiier, and looks very like an itinerant conjuror. Wliat strange creatures fine women soniftimos fan<'y ! Mrs. Baniington st«'pH listlessly into the cairiage, throws horsflf ujxm tlie ))ack seat, while Barnington and Doleful df'posit themselves on tlie front one; the dof)r is shut with a bang, the "Johjini(!s" jump up behind, "whit" cries the coachman to his horses, oft they go. tho fat butler, having followed them uj) the High Streft witli liis eyr-s, closes the door, and away they bowl at the rate of twelve uiileH an houi". round the Ci-escent, through Jireth Place. Ebene/.er liow. Ajjollo Terrace, i)a8t the Archery Ground, and Mi-. Jackson's public gardens, and along the Ai)pledove Roatl, as far 118 the Mount Sion iunipike-gate- l<;ayiug pedeHtrians. horsemen, and vehicles of every kind iuimeasuralily iu the distance. 52 HANDLEY CROSS At the ^ate a crowd is assembled — Jones Deans, the "pikenian," has wisely closed the l)ar, and '"No trust" stands conspicuously across the road. As tlie carriage approaches, it is thrown wide open. Oit" goes Jones's hat; Mrs. Jones Deans drops a hasty curtsey, that almost hrings her knees in contact with tlie ground; and the little iirchins on the rails bui'st into an involuntary huzza. Jolm Thomas cuts on, and turas at a canter into the grass-field on the left of tlie road, where poor Peter has been walking his hounds about for the last hour or more. WJjat a crowd! Grooms of every descrijitlon, with horses of every cut and character, moving up and dowTi, and across and around the field ; some to get their horses' coats down, others to get their legs doAvn, a few to get their horses' coui'age down, others to try and get them up : some because they see others do it, and others because they have nothing else to do. There are thii-teen flys full of the young ladies from Miss Prim's and Miss Prosy's oj^position seminaries, the foiTuer in sky-blue ginghams, the latter in pink; Mrs. rieeceaU di'iven by her dear Fleecy with a new hiuiting whiij, in a double-bodied one-horse " chay " with four little FleeceaUs stuck in behind ; Mr. Davey, the new apothecaiy, with his old wife, in a yellow dennet drawn by a white cai-t mare; Mr. and Mrs. Hookem of the library, in Jasper Green the donkey driver's best ass- cai-t ; farmer Joltem in his untaxed gig, with his name, abode, and occupation painted conspicuously beliind; old Tim Rickets, the fm-niture-bi'oker, in a green garden-chair di-awn by a donkey; the post-man on a mule; Boltem, billiard table-keeper, and Snooks his marker, in an ass phaeton ; Donald McGrath, " Squire Arnold's " Scotch gardener, on " Master George's Pony " ; and Sam Finch, the keeper, and Thomas, the coachman, on the carriage horses. Enveloped in a large dirty old Macintosh, in a single- horse fly, with a dii-ty apology for a postillion on the animal, with hands stuffed into his front pockets, and a hunting whip ])eeping above his knees, the mighty Dennis O'Brien wends his way to tlie meet, his brain still swimming with the effects of the last night's champagne. As he diverges from the road into the grass-field, he takes his hunting whip from its jjlace, loosens the thong, and proceeding to flageUate both rider and horse, dashes into the crowd in what he considers quite a '" bang-up way." '" Now, Peter, my THE HUNT COMMITTEE 53 boy I "' he roars at the top of his voice, as standing erect in the vehicle he proceeds to divest himself of his elegant " wraprascal," "be after showing ns a nin ; for by the piper that played before Moses, I feel as if I conld take St. Peter's itself in my stride. — Och l^lood and 'onnds ! ye yonng spalpeen, bnt you've been after giving that horse a gallop, — he's sweating about the ears already," he exclaims to a little charity-school boy, whom the livery-stable keeper has despatched with a horse Dennis has hired for the " sason," warranted to hunt four days a week or oftener, and hack all tlie rest — a raw-boned, broken-knee'd, spavined bay, with some very going points about him. " Be after jumping off, ye vagabond, or I'll bate you into a powder." Romeo Simpkins then comes tip-tup-ing u]) on a long- tailed dun, with a crupper to the saddle, surrounded by tlie four Miss Merrygoes, all ringlets and teeth, and the two Miss Millers, all forehead and cheeks, — the cavalcade mounted by the opposition riding-master, Mr. Higgs, who follows the group at a respectful distance to see that tliey do not take too much out of the nags, and to minute their ride by his watch.* Romeo is in ecstasies ! He has got on an ill-made, cream-bowl-looking cap, with a flourishing ribbon behind, a very light-coloured coat, inclining more to pink than scarlet, made of ladies' habit-cloth, a yellow neckcloth, his white waistcoat of the previous evening, and very thin white cord breeches that show his garters, stocking tops, and every wrinkle in his drawers; added to whicli. after a fashion of his own, his boots are secured to his Ijreeches l)y at least half a dozen buttons, and straps round the leg. The ladies think Romeo "quite a dear," and Romeo is of the same opinion. "Now, Baniington. don't ride like a fool and break your neck," says the amiable Mrs. Barnington to her Hapient sikjusc, as he begins to fidget and stir in the cannage, as the groom jjasses and re])asseK with a fine brow7i liorse in tii)-tr)]) condiiion, ;nid :i horn at tlie saddle; a recpiest that was coTncvcd in a tojK^ tliat implied. "I hojK' you may witii all my lieart." Tlien turning to Doleful, who wsw beginning to look very iineawy as mounting time approached, she added, in a forgiving tfme, " Now. my dear Captain, (hm't let Bamiiigt-on lead yon into mischief; he's a (feitpernfr • At iiioHi. wHtf!rinf{-p''»Cf"* " "nri)rtiirmU)n " nro lot. out li.v the hour — liiilf-n-crowii nil hour for 11 Ihrcc-loKKi!*' oiio ; tlircu bliilliugh for a horao that ha>t four. 54 HANDT,EY CROSS rider, I know, l)iit there's no occasion for you to follow him over everything he chooses to ride at." Mrs. Barninaton might have spared herself the injunc- tion, for Doleful's horse was a perfect antidote to any extravagance ; a more perfect picture of wretchedness was never seen. It was a long, lean, hide-bound, ewe- necked, one-eyed, roan Rosinante, down of a hip, coUar- DOLEFUL BEGINS TO FhEL UNEAST marked, and crupper-mai-ked, with conspicuous,' splints on each leg, and desperately broken-kneed. The saddle was an old military brass-cantrelledj one, with hair gii-tlis, rings behind, and a piece of dirty old gi-een carpet for a saddle-clotli. The bridle was a i-usty Pelham, without the chain, ornamented with a dirty faded yellow-worsted front, and sti-ong, ci-acked, weather- bleached I'oins, swelled into the thickness of moderate traces — with tlie head-stall ends flaiiping and flying THE HUNT COMMITTEE 55 about in all directions, and the choak-band secured by a piece of twine in lieu of a buckle. Tlie stiiTups were of unequal lengths, but this could not he helped, for they were the last pair in Handley Cross ; and Doleful, after a survey of the whole, mounts and sticks his feet into the nisty u'ons, with a self-satisfied grin on his spectral face, without discovering their inequality. " Keep a good hold of her mouth, sir," says the fly-man groom, whose property she is, gatliering up the reins, and placing them in a bimch in Dolef ul's hands ; " keep a good hold of her head, sir," he repeats, an exhortation that was not given without due cause, for no sooner did tlie mare find herself i-eleased from her keeper, than down went her head, up went her heels, oif went the captain's hat. out flew tlie militia coat laps, down went the black gold-headed cane, and the old mare ran wheel- baiTOw fashion about the field, kicking, jumping, and neighing, to the exquisite delight of the tliirteen tly-fulls of pink and blue young ladies from Miss Prim's and Miss Prosy's opposition seminaries, tlie infinite satisfac- tion of Mrs. Fleeceall. whom Doleful liad snubbed, and to the exceeding mirth of the whole field. " Help him! save him ! " screams Mrs. Baniingtcm. with clasped hands and uplifted eyes, as the old mare teai-8 past the barouche with her heels in the air, and the loose riding M.C sitting like the "Drunken Hussar" at the Circus, unconsciously digging her with his l;lack heel-spurs as she goes. "Oh. heavens! will nobody save him I' she exclaims; aud thereupon the two powdered footmen, half dying with lauglitor. sli]j down from l)ehind, and commence a pursuit, and succeed in catcliing the mare just as she liad got the Master of the (Jf-remonies fairly on her shouldei-s. and wlien another kick would have sent him over her head. Meanwhile Mrs. Barning- t(m faints. Fans, water, salts, vinegar, all surts of tilings are called in if'f|uisitiun, as maybe supposed, when the queen of HainUey Cross is taken ill; nothing l)\it a recommenihition from tlie new doctor that her stays should be cut, could p<;ssibly have revived her. Peace is at length restored. Doleful, sorely damaged by the brass cantrel and the iiommol, \h taken from the "old kicking mare," as she was crilhvl ;it the st;iblo. iind placed alongside the expiring Mrs. Biirniugton. in the carriage, and having had enough of Ininting, Mr. John Thomas is firdcred U> drive home immediately. Wliercujion PcUn- takes out his watch and finds it exactly five minutes to one, the hour that he used to be 66 HANDLEY CROSS layini;- the clotli for Michael Hardey's dinner, after having killed his fox and got his horses done np. Bai-ninj^tun havinfr seen his wlie fairly out of sight, appears a new man. and mounting his bro-\Ani hunter, takes his horn out of the case, knocks it against his thigh, gives his whip a nourish, and trots up to the pack, with one foot dangling against the stirrup iron. m^ism^^ THK MASTEU OF THE CEHEMOITIES MOUNTED Peter salutes him with a touch of his ca]), his groom whipper-in scrapes his against the skies ; and Baniington, with a nod, asks Peter what they shall draw ? " Hazleby Hanger. I was tliinking, sir," replied Peter with another touch; " the keeper says he saw a fox go in there this morning, and it's very nice lying." — " Well then, let us he going." replies Bai-nington, looking around the field.— '■ No ! " roars Stephen Dumpling, taking a cigar from his THE HUNT COMMITTEE 57 mouth; "Hoppas Hays is the place; the wind's westerly," wetting his nnger on his tonsfue. and holdinsr it np to the air. — ■■ and if we can force him through Badgei- Wood and Shortmead, he will give us a rare burst over Laugley Dowias. and away to the sea.'' — " Well, what you please, gentlemen," replies Peter; "only we have not much time to lose, for the days are short, and my fellow servant here doesn't know the country ; besides which we have five couple of yoxmg hounds out." — "J say Hazleby Hanger," replies Baraington with a frown on his brow, for he was unused to contradiction from any one but his wife. '■/ sai/ Hoppas Hays.'' replies Dumpling loudly, with an irate look, and giving his l.>oot an authoritative bang with his whip. — " Well, gentlemen, whichever you please." says Peter, looking confused.—" Then go to Hazleljy Hanger.'' responds Barnington. — " Hoi) pan Jlai/g ! " exclaims Dumpling ; '" uiind. Peter. I'm your master." — " No more than myself." replies Baiiiington, " and I find the whii)per-in." — " Where's Smith ? " shouts Dennis O'Brien, woi'king his way into the croAvd, with his coat- pockets Sticking out beyond the cantrel of his saddle, like a poor man's dinner wallet. "' Here ! here ! here ! " responded half a dozen voices from horses, gigs, and flys. ■■ No. Rijiiny Hanger, tlie middle one is Hopjias Hayo. and tlie short one hIijiH be Farley Panture. and Piter shall draw;" whereii)M»n i^i-niiis workfil iiis way tliroiigh the crowd, advanced into tiie middlf of the 58 HANPLEY CROSS pack, and just as Peter di-ew a slip, Dennis's spavined steeplechaser gave Abelard, tlie French poodle, such a craclf on the skull as killed him on the spot. The field is again in commotion, two-thirds of the young ladies in pink ginghams burst into tears, while one of the sky-blue pupils faints, and a second is thrown into convulsions and burst her stays witli the noise of a well-charged two- penny cracker. " Who-hoop ! " cries Dennis O'Brien, " here's blood already ! " jumping off his horse and holding the expiring animal in mid air; " Who-hoop, my boys, but we've begun the season gallantly ! killed a lion instead of a fox ! " and thereupon he threw the dead dog upon the gi-ound amid the laughter of a few pedesti-ians, and the genei-al execration of the cairiage company. We need not say that the sport of the ladies was over for the day. There lay poor A))elard, the only dog in the pack they really admired ; whose freaks and gamliols, in return for buns and queen-cakes, had often beguiled the weariness of their ^brother's kennel lectures. The sparkling eye, that watched each movement of the hand, was glazed in death, and the flowing luxuriance of his v/ell-combed mane and locks clotted with gory ])lood ! — Alas ! poor Abelard. " Oh name for ever sad ! for ever denr ! Still lireathert in sighs, still ushered with a tear." The hounds alone seemed unconcerned at his fate, and walked about and smelt at him as though they hardly owned his acquaintance, when " Mr. Fleeceall," the white terrier witli a black patch on his eye, having taken him by the ear, with the apparent intention of drawing him about the held. Miss Prim most theatrically begged the body, which was forthwith transfeired to the bottom of her fly, to the unuttera1)le chagrin of Miss Prosy, who was on the point of supplicating for it herself, and had just an-anged a most touching speech for the occasion. Eyes were now ordered to be dried, and the young ladies were forthwith got into marching order. Pink ginghams wheeled off first; and Avhen they got home, those that did not cry before were whipped, and made to cry after ; while the sky-blue young ladies had a page of Sterne's Sentimental Journey, commencing " Dear sensibility ! source unexhausted of all that's precious in our joys or costly in our sorrows ! " &c., to learn by heart, to make them more feeling in future. The field, reduced one-half, at two o'clock set oft' for Farley Pasture ; the procession consists of five flys, THE HUNT COMMITTEE 59 twenty-three horsemen, four eig-men. and a strinar of thii-teen donkeys, some carrying double, and others with panniers full of little folk. Dumpling and Bamington look unamiable things at each other, but neither naving carried his point, they ride along the sandy lane that leads to the cover in pouting sullenness. The cavalcade rides the hill that commands the cover in evei'y quarter, where Peter and the pack wait untU the long-di"iwn file have settled themselves to their liking. The cover is an unenclosed straggling gorse of about thi-ee or four acres in extent, rising the hill fi-om a somewhat dense patch of undei-wood, bounded on tlie east by a few weather-beaten Scotch fii-s ; the country around being chiefly grass-fields of good dimensions. Dumpling canters round the cover, and takes a jiosition among the firs, while Bamington plants himself immediately opposite; and Smith, deter- mined not to ]xi outdone in importance, estal^lishes himself to the south. " Yooi in there ! " cries Peter at last with a wave of his cap. his venerable g'rey hair floating on the breeze ; '' yooi in there, my beauties ! " and the old hounds, at the sound of his cheery voice, dash into the gorse and traverse every patch and comer with eagerness ; " Have at him thei-e ! " cries Peter, as Beimaid, a Ijeautiful pied bitch, feathers roxmd a patch of gorse near a few stunted Ijirch and oak ti-ees ; " have at him thei-e, my beauty!" — "yooi, wind him!" "yooi, pusli him ! " " Talli-ho ! " cries Abel Suorem, in a loud. deep, sonorous voice from his fly, ml^bing liis eyes with one hand and raising liis hat in the air with the other; '■ talli-lio 1 yonder he goes." — " It's a hare ! " exclaims Peter; "it's a hare! jjray hold your tongue, sir! jn'ay do! ' — It is tof> late ! the mischief is done. Three couple of young hounds that did not like the gorse. having caught view, dash after her ; and jjuss's screams at the comer of the ploughed field are drowned in the horns of tlie masters, wlio commencti tlie iiiost dis- cordant tootleings. jHiffingK. and blowings, as soon as Abel Snorem's talii-ho was lifard. Meanwhile the whipper-in has worked his way round to thind, i\u- field rush to the spot, ami all agaiji is hubbub and <'onfuHion. " Lay it into tlieni ! ' exclaims Bamington to his groom whijiper-in; "cut them to 60 HANDLEY CROSS vibVions. the riotous Innites ! " " Don't ! " interposes Dumpling, "I wont liave tlie hounds flog'f^ed;" where- upon the ladies laud his feeling, and mutter something that sounds very like '" Barnington and brute."' Just as stuttering Smith is in the midst of a long string of stammers upon the question of coiijoreal punishment, a loud, clear, shrill talli-ho is heard proceeding from the neighbourhood of the fir trees, and Peter on the white horse is seen standing in his stirrups, cap in hand, holloaing his hounds away to their fox. — " Hoic together, hoic ! " and the old hounds rush eagerly to the voice that has led them to a hundred gloi-ies. — " Yonder he goes l)y Mersham Hatch, and away for Downleigh- crag," exclaims a lad in a tree, and eyes are strained in the direction that he points. " FoiTai-d away ! foiTard." " Crack ! crack ! " go a score of whips ; " talli-ho ! " scream a dozen voices. " Away ! away ! away ! " holloas Peter, settling himself into his saddle. " Away ! away ! away ! " echoes the groom-whippei'-in, as he stands rubbing himself, debating whether to mount or go home to the doctor. Barnington races round the cover. Dumpling takes the opposite side, followed by Smith, and Dennis O'Brien shoves his spavined steed straight through the cover, and goes bounding over the high gorse like a boat off a rough shore. Ilomeo Simpkins and his tail trot after a fat old gentleman on a black cob, di-essed in a single- breasted green coat, with mahogany-coloured top-boots, and a broad-brimmed hat, who makes for Ashley Lane, from thence over Downley Hill, from whence there is a full view of the pack nmning like wildfire over the large grass enclosure near Ravensdeen village, with no one but Peter within a quarter of a mile of them. Away they speed; and just as Peter's white horse looks like a pigeon in the distance, and the rest diminish into black specks, a cum'e to the left brings them past Ai-thingworth cluuip, leaving the old tower on the right, and, skiiiing the side of Branston Wood, far in the distance they enter upon the tract of chalky land beyond. The old gentleman's eye catches fresh fire at the sight ; he takes off his low-crowned hat, and mops his bald head with a substantial snuff-coloured bandana, and again bumps off at a trot. He pounds along the lanes, turning first to the right then to the left ; now stopping to listen, now cutting through the backs of farm buildings, now following an almost imperceptible cart- track thi'ough a line of field-gates, until he gains THE HUNT COMMITTEE 61 SuiTendeu Lane, where he pulls up short and listens. " Hark ! " he exclaims, holding up his hand to Rouieo and his female friends, who are gig-gling- and tittering at the delightful canter they have had ; " hark ! " he repeats, in a somewhat louder voice. A short sharp chii-p is borne on the breeze ; it is Heroine all but running mute. A deeper note follows, — another, and another, which gradually swell into chorus as the pack cany the scent across the fallow, and get upon turf nearer hand. Tlie old gentleman is in ecstasies. He can hardly contain himself. He pulls his cob across the lane ; his hat is in the air, no one views the fox but himself, the hoiuids jjom- into the lane; a momentary check ensues. Villager speaks to it in the next field; Dexterous has it too, — and Coroner, Harmony, Funny lass, and Ravenous join cry ! — they run the hedge-row — a snap and crack is heard just by the large ash tree. " Whoo-whoop I " holloas the old gentleman, putting his finger in liis ear, and Peter comes bounding over the fence, and is among his pack fighting for the fox. Then up come the field, the horses heaving, panting and blowing, all in a white lather, and the perspiration streaming off the red faces of riders. There has been a desperately jealous tussle between Baniington and Dumpling which should ride first ; and nothing ])ut the badness of the start has prevented their being before the hounds. Dumpling has knocked in the crown of a new eiglit-and-sixpenny hat ; while a strong grower that lie l-)ore V>efore him through a stiff 1>ullfinch, returned with a switch across Barnington's nose, that knocked all the skin oft" the bridge. "I claim tlie Inrush!" exclaimed Dumpling, still in the air. "No such thing!" responds Baniington, as they land together in tlie deo)) lane, from the top of the high bank with a strongly j)lea(hed hedge on the top. " I say it's mine!" "I say it isn't!" "I say it is! "Peter, it's mine ! " " PeU;r, it isn't ! " " At your peril give it to liim I " " You give it to me, or I discliarge you ! " "Well, gentlemen," ro])lifH Peter, laying the fox before liiiii, " whichever way you |)leaHe." "Then, give it me." "No, give it me." "Isn't it mine, siri'" says Diniii»ling, ap]>ealiiig to the gentlemen (^n the c()l>, "my horse ttmched ground first, and, a<'Cording to all the laws of steejjlechasing that ever I'vf; hfard. or read of in ' Bell's liift',' f>r eiwwheip, that's (|pciKi\<' " " I Hlmuld say it was Sqiiiie Hart ley's," oliHcrvcd I'ctcr. looking at the green- coated gentleman on the (!ob. 62 HANDLET CROSS '■ Squire Hartley's ! " exclaimed Duiiipling and Baniing- toii at the same moment ; " Squire Hartley's ! How (!an that be ? He's not even a member of the hunt, and doesn't give a farthing to it." "It was his cover we found in," replies Peter; "and in old master's time we alwa.ys gave the bnish to whoever was first up." " Fivst up ! " roars Dumpling, "why, he's never been out of a trot!" " And ridden the road ! " adds Baniington. " What do we Icnow aT)Out your old master?" rejoins Dumpling, "he was a skirting, nicking, Macadamizing old screw." " He was a better sportsman than ever you will be," replied Peter, his eyes sparkling anger as he spoke. " Let us have none of your impertinence," replies Barnington. nettled at the disrespect towards a member of the committee ; and let me advise yon to remember that you hunt these hounds for the amusement of your mastei's, and not for your own pleasure, and you had better take care how you steal away with your fox again as you did just now." " That he ha-ha-ha-ha,d," exclaims Round-the- corner Smith, as he creeps down the side of the bank, holding by the pommel ot his saddle, into the lane, after having ridden the line with great assiduity without seeing a Ijit of the run ; " I never saw such an impudent thing done in all the whole course of my li-li-li-life before." Poor Petei" made no reply. An invohmtary teai- started into the corner of his eye, when, having broken up his fox, he called his hounds together and turned his horse's head towards home, at the thought of the change he had lived to see. Arrived at Handley Cross, he fed liis hounds, dressed his horse, :nid tlien, paying a visit to each of his masters, respectfully resigned the situation of " huntsman to the committee of management of the Handley Cross foxdiounds." CHAPTER VI THE CLIMAX OF DISASTER " A FELLOW feelintf makes us wondvons kind." says the aridles or lending; (if saddhjs, no l)U8tle or hiiny ])erceptible in the streets; the water- drinkei-H flocked to tlu- wells as usual, and none b\it the rejrulars todk the field. Amoiij; the uiiimIxt was <»ur old friend Sfjuire Hartley on his black cob, attired in the same jp'een coat, the same brown toiJ-boots, and the same low-crowned hat as liefore. Snorem and Doleful came in a trit,' in the insjief^tion style, and Dennis O'Brien smokr-d three ci<.'arH ]>('U>rp. any one looked at his watch to see how the time went. At length Sipiire H;iitley ventured to inquire if tiiere 64 HANDLBY CROSS was any possibility of the sei-vant havinij: mistaken his way, whereupon it simultaneously occurred to the trio that there mi<>:ht l>e somethintr wrong'. Joe had orders to hring- the hoiinds by an unfrequented lane, so as to avoid collecting f()ot-i:>eople, and after another quarter of an hoiir spent in suspense, the field proceeded in the direction they oupfht to come. On rising a gentle eminence out of Sa.ndyford Lane, a scarlet-coated num was seen in the distance standing in tlie middle of a l)loughed field, and a fnstian-coated horseman was galloping about it, endeavouring to turn the hoimds to the former, but in consequence of riding at them instead of getting round them, he made the hounds fly in all directions. The cavalcade then pressed on, horns were drawn from their cases, and our three masters cantered into the field puffing and l)lowing most unsatisfactory and discordant blasts. Joe then disclosed Jiow the pack had broke away on winding a dead horse hard by, and how, aftei" most inefL'ectual efforts to tura them, he had lent a countryman his horse and whip, while he stood in the field holloaing and coaxing them away. This feat Ijeing accomplished through the assistance of the field, the hounds, with somewhat distended sides, proceeded sluggishly to the cover. It was a long straggling gorse on a hillside, with a large qnan-y hole at the far end, which, from long disuse, had grown np with broom, furze, and biitshwood. The hounds seemed very easy aliout the mattei', and some laid dovni, while others stood gazing about the cover. At length our masters agreed that it was time to thi-ow oft', so they began, as they had seen Peter, with a whistle and a slight wave of the hand, thinking to see the pack rush in at the signal, — no such thing, however ; not a single hound moved a muscle, and three or foin* of the young (mes most audaciously sat do^vn on the spot. The gentleman on the black cob smiled. " Yooi over there ! " cried Banrington. taking off his hat and standing erect in the stiiTups. " Yooi over there ! get to cover, hounds, get to cover ! " screamed whipper-in Joe, commencing a most furious onset among tlie sitters, whereupon some jumped and others crept into cover and quietly laid themselves down for a nap. Five or six couples of old hounds, however, that had not quite gorged themselves with horse-flesh, worked the cover well ; and, as foxes abounded, it was not long lief ore <>uv friend on the col) saw one stealing away u^j the brook that girded the base of the hills, THE CLIMAX OF DISASTER 65 which, but for liis eagle eye, would have got off unperceived. ■ Talli-lio I " cried the old gentleman at last, taking off his hat on seeing him clear of the cover, and jjointing southwards in the direction of Bi1)ury Wood, a strong hold for foxes. ■' Talli-ho ! " responded Bamington without seeing him. ■' Talli-ho I " re-echoed all the others without one having caught view ! and the old gentleman, putting the cob's head straight do\\ii the hill, slid and crawled down to the l>rook. f<-)llowed V)y the field. Here wth much hooping, holloaing, and blowing of horns, a few riCK COMMITTKK OV M\NAO«MBNT <-ouplp of houndfi were enticed from (he cr)vi r. and ))ping laid on to the Hccnt. dribbled alioiit like the tail of a paper kite, hiking pre<-edeiic(! according to tlieir Heveral degrees. First (jld Solomon, a great l)liick iiud wliite limiiid, with a strong rcHeniblance to a mugger's iMiiHtiff, gave a howl and a trml ; then Harnuniy chirped, iimi iManager gave a Hquoak, find old Sdlomnn threw his tongue again, in Ji most leinurely and indill'erent m.inner. c;nising Home of f!ie yo\ing lionnds to ))eep over the furze biislies to see what was going on. The nin, however, was of short continuance ; after 66 HANDLKY CROSS cvossiiiR" three o-rass-fields they came to a pfreasy fallow, across which the houndH were workiiij; the scent very deliberately, Avheii ii]) jumped a great thuinping hare, which they ran into in view at the well at the corner. Our sportsmen were somewhat disgusted at this, but made the liest of the matter, and laid the mishap to the charg'e of the horse in the morning. After consuming another hoiir or two in drawing hopeless covers, and riding about the comitry, they entered Handley Ci"oss just in full tide, when all the streets and shops swarmed with bright eyes and smart dresses, and each man said they had had a caijital day's sport, and killed. After passing through the principal streets, the hounds and horses were dismissed, and the red coats were seen flitting about till dnsk. The next day, however, produced no change for the better, nor the following, nor the one after; and the oftener they went the wilder and worse the hounds became. Sometimes, by dint of mobbing, they managed to kill a fox, but hares much more fi-equently fell a prey to the renowned pack. At length they arrived at such a state of perfection, that they would hunt almost anything. The fields, as may be supi^osed, soon dwindled dowTi to nothing, and, what was woi-se, many of the visitors began to slip away from Haudley Cross without paying their subscriptions. To add to theii- misfortunes, bills poured in apace for poultry and other damage ; and every farmer's wife who had her hen-roost robbed, laid the blame upon the foxes. Pleeceall had the first handling of the bills, but not being a man with a propensity for settling questions, he entered into a voluminous correspondence with the parties for the laudable purpose of proving that foxes did not meddle with i^oultiy. One evening as oiir masters returned home, quite dispirited after an unusually bad day, without having seen a fox, though the hounds had run into and killed a fat wether, and seized an old woman in a scarlet cloak, they agi'eed to meet after dinner, to consider what was best to be done luider the circumstances. On entering the room, which they did simultaneously, two letters were seen on the table, one of small size, directed to " The Gentlemen Managers of tlie Handley Cross Hunt-Ball and Supper," containing, in a few laconic items, the appalling amount of ,£290 Us. 6d. for the expenses of the memoralile biill-night. The other more resembled a Government-office packet than a letter, and was liound THE CLIMAX OP DISASTER 07 witli red tape and sealed; it was addressed to the ■■ Honoiu'able the Coniuiittee of Mauageuieut of the Handley Cross Fox-Hounds/' Barniugton, more stout- nerved than his colleagues, tore oft" the tape, when out of the envelope fell a many-paged hill, setuired at the stitching part \vith a delicate piece of blue silk. The contents ran thus : — THE HONOURABLE COMMITTEE OP MANAGEMENT OP THE HANDLEY CHOSS FOX-HOUNDS, To WALTER FLEECBALL, Dr. £ s. d. Sept, Atteniluig you by esi)ecial appointment, wlien you com- municated your desire of takinsr the Hounds , , 1.3 4 Contiiderin>; the suljject very attentively . , . .110 Attending Capt. Doleful, M.C., at Miss Jelly's, the Pastry Cook's, conferrinK' with him on the subject, when it was arranj^ed that a Public Meeting of the Inhabitants should be called 13 4 Dmwing notice of the same 110 Making two fair copir>8 thereof 10 6 Postiii); same at Library and Billiaixl Room . . . G 8 Lonff attendance on Capt. Doleful, M.C., arraujjiuf^ pre- liminaries, when it was agreed that Mr. Barnington should be called to the chair 13 1 Communicating with Mr. Barnington thereon, and a^lvisiug him what to sjiy 110 Attending Meeting, self and clerk 1 10 G linking speech on the merits and advantages of Fox- hunting (what you please) Making minute of the appointment of the committee of management 008 Attending Capt. Doleful, M.C., by especial appoijitmcnt at Miss Jelly's, when it ai>peared advisable lo con- ciliate the fanners ; writing to Mr. Stephen Dumpling, rc'iuesting his attendance 8 Attending meeting, wli -n Mr. Dumpling's name was added t<) the committee, aud title of hunt changed to " Handley Cross" Hounds 110 Making special minute thereof, and of appointment of self as secretary 10 Writing ■iH'J Ictlors soliciting subscriptions, inviting ami exhrirting gentlemen to iMicome mcmbersof the hunt, describing the uniforms — Hcarlrl coiils with blue I'tillnrH iti a movniiig, and sky-bluo coats, lined witti pink silk, canary -colon red short*', anil white silk stockings in iin evening (letters very Umg and very pressing) 25 Writing 120 rejoinders to 120 answers from I'iO gei.tlomon whodid not readily como into tlie th'ng, p- intiiig out llio merits and advaitagos of fox-himling in gt- iioral, and of tiio Handley Croi^s fox-hunt in jmrticalHr . 10 8cT 'n gi-ntlemen n'fusing to subsrrilx" on the grounds that the hounds would hunt hare, dniwing long and sficciHl atlldavit that they were true to fox and would not Iciok at bare 2 2 Carry forward , . 40 17 ()S HANDLEY CROSS liroufjlit forward , £10 17 6 AUeniling sweariup: same, aurl paid for oaths . . .068 Three genMemou rofusinK to become members unless the hounds were allowed to run haro occasionally, writing- to assure them their wishes would lie complied with . 110 Mr. SpiunHRe havinp written to say he could notsubscribe unless they oceasioiuilly hunted stajjs, writing to assure him that they wore stap-hounds quite as much OS fox-hounds 068 Mrs. Mn.rpery Mural ilebyhavin,!? sent in a bill of £1 Ss. 6d. for four hens, a duck, and a goose, stolen by the foxes, consulting sporting rccorrls to see whether foxes were in the habit of doing such things, engaged all day, and i)Bid Mr. Hookem, the librarian, for searching through his Sporting works 2 2 Writing Mrs. Mar^'ery Mumbleby very fully thereon, and stating my tirm conviction that it wos not the foxes (copy to keep) i:< 4 Mrs. Margery Mumbleby not being satisfied with my answer, drawing case for the opinion of the Editor of the "Field; or. Country Gentleman's Newspaper," tlnee brief sheets 1110 Paid carriage of paicel and booking 3 4 Paid liim and secretary 2 4 6 Carriage of iiarcel back, containing Editor's answer, who said he had no doubt the foxes were "two-legged " ones .'J Fair cojjy of answer for Mrs. Margery Mumbleby, and writing her fidly thereon (copy to keep) . . .008 Hearing that Dennis O'Brien, E8c|., was going to visit his castle in Ireland, calling at his lodgings to leceivo the amount of his subscription prior to his dei)arture, when the maid-servant said her master was not at home Calling again, same answer Ditto ditto Ditto uitto Ditio ditto Ditto ditto, when the servant said Mr. O'Brien had left this morning Much mental anxiet.v, postage, parcels, letters, &c., not before charged (what you please) Total £85 16 2 It is hut justice to Mr. Fleeceall's accurate method of transacting? business, to state that on the creditor side was ^18 18s. for six subscrii:>tions received, and a very promising list of gentlemen who had not yet found it convenient to pay, auiountins" in the whole to some .£300. The two bills,' however, sealed the fate of the com- mittee of management, and drove the slaughtered wetlier and scarlet-cloaked old woman of the morning out of tlieir recollections. Shocked at his situation, Stephon Dumpling took the wliite-legged chestnut to Duncan Nevin, but though that worthy admitted that he was varry like the field, THE CLIMAX OP DISASTER 69 neither his lonsr tail, noi- his flowing^ mane, woidd indiice him to offei* more than twenty-five pounds for him. "I really have more horses than I can do with," repeated Mr. Nevin ; " had you come last week, or the week afore, I had three gentlemen wanting horses for the season, and I could have given you more, for I should have got him kept till April, and there may be a vast of frost or snow before then, but it would not do for me to have him standing eating his head off; you know I've nothing to do with the weather," added he, " when they are once let." Had Duncan known how things stood, he would not have offered him more than ten. Fortunately for Stephen, Smith and Barnington being both in high credit, the chestnut was saved from the " Nimrod livery and bait stables." Still the committee was at an end, and that soon became known. *' Who now was to take the hovmds ? ' was the universal inquiry, wliich no one could answer. The visitors looked to the townspeople to make the move, and the townspeople wished to give them precedence. With the iininitiated, the main qualification for a master api)ears to be " i^lenty of money. ' With them the great sporting oV)jection of " he knows nothing about hunting " is unheard of. The ca«e was urgent and the emergency gi"eat. None of the committee would touch again, and there was no engagement to liunt out the season. Puff paragraplis were tried in the Haudley Cross Paul Pry, a gossiping imblication, whicli enlivened the list of arrivals, dei)ar- tuj-es, changes of residence, parties given, Ac with a\ hat it called the "sports of the chase," but without success. Some, to be 8ui*e, nil)bled, and made inquiries as to exi)en8e and subscription, but tlieir ultimatums were always in the negative! Sky-blue coats and ])ink linings were likely to be at a discount. In tlie ini«lKt of tlic dilemma, C;i))tain Doleful's ;in.\ious niiiul, (|iiickened by self-interest, hit upon a g('ii11<'iii.ni made for tlie i)lace— rich as Cro!8UH. a keen and Hcicntific Hj)Oi-tHman — an out-and-out lover of hunting — everything in fact that they wanted. His face wrinklod like a Norff>lk biffin witli ddiglit. ;ind lie KiiniiMoncd Flecceall, IIf>ok*M>i tlie lil)i-iirian. Ijoltcni tlif l'illi;ird-tal>l»' kcept-r, to Miss JellvM, wlif-rc, over a tray of hot nniUon j»ies, most magnauimonsly furnished at liis own expen.=;e. he aiTanged the sclicnie disclosed in the following chapter. CHAPTER VII MR. JORROCKS " A man he was to all the country dear ** "Where can tliat be from, Biujiniin?" inquired Mr. .Torrocks of his boy of all-work, as the latter presented him withfa large double-headed letter, with a fioimshing coat of anns seal. Mr. Jorrocks was a gi-eat city grocer of the old school, one^.wholwas neither ashamed of his trade, nor MR. .TOUROCKS 71 of caiTyinsr it on in a ding-y wavelionse that would shock the manauers of the tiue uialiogany-coimtered, gilt-cauistered, puffiiifi-, poet-keeping estahlishments of modem times. He had been in business long enough to remember each succeeding lord uuiyor before he was anybody — " reg'lar little tuppences in fact," as lie used to say. Not that Mr. JoiTOcks decried the dignity of civic honour, but his ambition took a different turn. He was for the field, not the forum. As a merchant he stood high — country traders took his teas without tasting, and his bills were as good as bank-notes. Though an xmlettered man, he had great powers of thought and expression in his peculiar way. He was ■■ highly respectable." as they say on 'Change — that is to say, he was very rich, the result of prudence and economy — not that he was stingy. ))ut his income outstripped his expenses, and money, like snow, rolls up amazingly fast. A natural-bom spoiisman, his lot being cast behind a counter instead of in the comitry, is one of those frolics of fortune that there is no accounting for. To remedy the eiTor of the blind goddess, Mr. Jorrocks had taken to hunting as soon as he could keep a horse, and though his exploits were long confined to the suburban county of Surrey, he should rather be " ci'edited " for keenness in fcjllowing the sport in so un])ropitious a region, than " delated " as a Cockney and lauglied at for his pains. But here the old adage of " where ignorance is bliss," &c. came to his aid, for before he had seen any Itetter country than Suney, he was impressed with the crimmed lowish- crowned hat sat with a jaunty sidelong sort of air upon a bushy nut-brown wig, worn for comfort and not deception. Indeed his grey whiskers would have acted as a contradiction if lie had, but deception fonued no pai-t of Mr. Jorrock's (rhai-actoi'. He had !i fine open countenance, and though his turn-up nose, little grey eyes, and rather twisted mouth were not handsome, still tnero was a comljination of fun and good luuuour in his looks that pleased at first sight, and )naile one forget all the rest. His dress was generally tlie same— a puddingey whit^i neckcloth tied in a knot, capacious sliirt J'rill (shirt made witliout collars), a single-breasted liigli-collait'd buff waiHt<;ojit with covered Imttous. a blue coat witli metal ones, chirk blue stock ingriet piintaloons. and liessiau Itoots witli ];irge tiissels, displiiyiiig (he lil>nral dimensions of his full, well-tunied limlw. The coat pockets were outside, and the hack buttons far iii)art. His business place was in St. liotoljih s Lane, in the City, but his i-esidence w;ih in Great ('orani Street. This is rather a curious locality, city people coiisidering it west, wiiile those \u the west consider it oast. The fact is, thai (ii"eal ('oi-aiii Street is souiewhere about Wu'. centre of Loudon, near the Loiulon Univeisity, and not a great way from the Euston station of the Uirmingluim 74 HANDLEY CROSS railway. .Tarrocks sayfi it is close to the two Lest cover hacks in the world, the g'l-eat Northern and Eiiston stations. Ai)proacliing it from tlie east, whicli seems the projier way of advancing to a ciity man's residence, yon pass the Foundling Ho.spital in Guildford Street, cross Brunswiclv Square, and tiirning shoi't to the left you find yourself in " Great Coram Street." Neat unassum- inle, reading Bell's Life in London, and scooping the niaviiialade out of tlio pot with liis thumb, wlien he visited Benjamin's hack witli a summary liorse-wliipping; hut that was the only time, dui-ing a period of three year^, that he ever was caught in a scrape he could not get out of. This might be partly attribii table to Betsey finding it convenient to be in with Benjamin, who winked at the visits of a genteel young man from a neighbouring haberdasher's. The poor maid under Betsey, and the light i^oi-ter. who was generally absent, were therefore the usual scape-goats, or somebody else's servant, who had happened to come with a message or parcel. Siich was Mr. Jon-ocks's domestic establish- ment, which, like most masters, he either thought, oi- affected to think, very pei-fect. We left our friend stamping for Benjamin, who made his appearance as soon as he could slip down-stairs and come up again, he having been watching his master through the keyhole since delivering the letter. ****** "Now, Binjimin." said Mr. Jorrocks, eyeing him with one of his benevolent looks, and not knowing exactly what to say; "now, Binjimin," he re])eated, "are the 'osses all right ? " " Yes, sir, and the wehicle too." " WeiTy good," replied Mr. JoiTocks — " wen-y good," taking a half -emptied pot of Lazenby's marmalade out of a drawer in his library table. " See now ! there's a pot of marmeylad for you ! " (Mr. Jon-ocks had the knack of making the most of what he did, and treated the half pot as a whole one) " and mind be a good bouy, and I make no doubt you'll rise to be a AveiTy great man — notliing gains man or bouy the respect and esteem of the world so niuch as honesty, sobriety, and cleanliness." Mr. JoiTOcks paused. — He would have finished with a moral, wherein his own fortune should have fiu'uished the example, but somehow or other he could not turn it at the moment, so after scrutinizing Benjamin's dirty face for a second, he placed the marmalade pot in his and said, " Now go and wesh your mug." Uncommonly amiable and conseciuential was Mr. Jon-ocks that morning. As he walked, or rather strutted into the City, he gave twopence to every crossing- sweejier in his line, from the Ijhick-eyed wencli at tlie corner of Brunswick Square, to the breechless boy, with the red night-cap, at St. Botolph's Lane ; and he entered ]\TR JORROCKS 79 his dark and din^y warehoiise with a smile on his Lrow, enough to illumine the dial of St. Giles's clock in a fog. Most tidgety and uneasy was he all the morning — every foot-fail made hi.s eyes start from the ledger, and wander towards the door, in hopes of seeing some member of the Sxu-rey, or some brother sportsman, to whom he might communicate the great intelligence. He went on "Change witli a hand in each breeches pocket, and a strut that plainly told how well he was to do with himself : still some dear-bought expenence had given him a little pnidence, and all things considered he determined to sleep on the invitation Vjefore he answered it.— Perhaps the pros and cons of his mind will be best displayed by a transcrifjt of what he wTOte : — " Gentlemen, " I have the houoiu-to acknowledge the receipt of your favour of the 4th, and note the contents, whicli I assure you is most grateful to my feelings : in all you have said I most cordially goinside. — It's pleasant to see humanity estimating one's walue at the price one sets on oneself. I am a sportsman all over, and to the backbone. — 'Unting is all that's worth li\'ing for— all time is lost wot is not spent in 'unting — it is like the hair we breathe - if we have it not we die — it's the sport of kings, the image of war without its guilt, and only five-and-twenty ]>er cent, of its danger. " T liave no manner f>f (l(jubt at all tliat I'm fully • lualified for tlie mastership of the 'Andley Cross fox- hounds, or any othei — "unting has been my 'obby ever since I could keep an 'oss, and long before — a southerly wind and a cloudy sky are my deliglit— no music like tlie melody of 'ounds. But enough of the rhapsodies, let us come to the melodies —the £ s. d. in fact. Wot will it cost ? — In course it's a subscrifttion i)ack — then say how many pai/iny subsciiliers have you P Wot is the netl amount of thoir subscriptions- how many couj>le of 'oimds have you? Are they Ht^.'adyJ' Arc they musical? How many days a week do you want your country 'unted? Is st^jpjjin' expensive? What '\m a country is it to ride over? Stiff, or light, or middlin', or wlial ? EnoniiouH. eiuilesH woodlands without rifh's, stiff wales, with small enclosureH anefore — wot. stablin' have you ? Is 'ay and corn costly ? In course you'll have your stock of meal by you ? Are there any cover rents to jjay — and if so, who pays them ? How are you off for foxes ? Are they stout and wild, and like to take a deal o' killin'. or just a middlin' soi-t of hanimal that one may look to who-hoop-in pretty often? Write me fully — fairly — fi-eely — frankly, in fact, and believe nie to remain, gentlemen, all yoiu-'s to serve, " John Jobbocks, " Great Coram Street, London, It rp, To MiSKRKIMUS DOLEFUI., ES(J., M.C, " Captain Half-jiay, HaniUey Cross. " Well, come, this is more like business than any we have had yet," observed Captain Doleful on reading the epistle — " though some of his questions will Ije plaguy troublesome to answer. What does he mean hj 'Are they steady ? ' — ' Are they musical ? ' and as to the ' stopi^ing being expensive,' of course that must depend a good deal upon how he lives, and whether he stops at an inn or not. — It's a pity but I knew something al)Out the matter, that I might make a satisfactory answer." Fleeceall had Blaine's Encyclopaedia of Riu-al Sj^orts, but as he Avas thought rather too sharp. Doleful determined to try what they could do without him ; accordingly, he concocted the following epistle, which having copied on to a sheet of sea-green paper, he sealed with yellow wax, and de])Osited it in the post : — "Dear Mr. Jobbocks, " Your kind and flattering letter has just come to hand, and I lose not a moment in supplying you with all the information in n)y power, i-elative to our celebrated dogs. Unfoi-tiinately the secretary to the hunt, Mr. Fleeceall, is absent on urgent l>usiness, ocmsetjuently I have not access to those docvmients which would enable me to answer you as fully as I coidd wish. The dogs, as you doubtless know, are of the purest blood, having been the ijroperty for many years of that renowned sp(n-tsman, Michael Hardey, and are Iji-ed with the very greatest cai"e and attention. It is i)erha])s not going too far to say that there is not such another jjack in the world. Thei'e are at present thii-ty-two couple of old ones in kennel, besides an excellent white terrier with a l)lack MR. JORBOCKS 81 eye. They are very steady and most musical. Their airing yard adjoins the Ebenezer chapel, and when the saints begin to sing, the dogs join chorus. Handley Cross, where the kennel is situated, is in the most beautiful, fei-tile. and salubrious part of the country, within two miles of the Datton station of the Lily-white- sand railway, and contains a chalybeate spa of most unrivalled excellence. The following is an accurate analysis of the water taken by an eminent French physician, who came all the way from Rheims for the express purpose of examining it : — "ONE PINT (Wine measure) . " .Sulphate of soda 21 Grains. " Sulphate of mairnesia 3i „ " Sulphate of lime 4ri „ " Muriate of soda ^i ,> " Oxide of iron 1 „ " Carbonic acid li „ '" To this unrivalled spring, invalids from every pai-t of the world, from every quarter of the globe, flock in countless numbers ; and it is unnecessary to point out to a spoi-tsman like yourself either the advantages that a V)ack of hounds confer on such a place, or the l^enefits a<'cruing to the master from having the support of men with whom, to use a familiar phrase, ' money is no object.' Indeed I think I may safely say, that keenness is all that is required, and a gentleman like you would meet with support that would galvanize your most sanguine expectations. You must excuse my saying moi-e at present, as I have been out since daybreak, and there is a piece of cold roast l^eef standing before me at this moment, whose beautifully marbled side, and rich yellow fat with a delicately browned outside, in con- jimction with a crisp lettuce-salad in a china bowl, j)f'reni))torily order me to conclude, whicli I do with the canu'st exliortution foi- you at one*; t-o d<>clai'e yourself for tlic liigh honour of the maHtcrship of the Handley Cross liounds. Believe me to remain in extreme liunger, dear Mr. Jon-ockH, very sincerely your's, "MiSEKBIMUS DOI-EFUL, M.C.. " Handley Cross." " Copt. ITalf-pay. "Dash my vigl " exclaimed Mt-. Jon-ocks, la\ing down the letter. " what primo beef that must lie ! By jingo. I almost fancy I see the joint, with the nice, curly, crisp, browni 'orse radish, sticking to it in all directions. — I (i 82 HANDLEY CROSS knows nothing- better than good cold roast, tinged with red from the f?ravy in the centre. — Doleful must be a trump — feel as if I knew him. Keen fellow too— Peep-of- day boy. — Dai-e say he found the fox by the drag — Oh, vot joy is that! Nothing to compare to it. — Might as well have told me more about the 'oiuids too," he observed, as a glimmering of caution shot aci'oss his mind. — "Should like to have a fair black and white understanding what they are to cost. I'm rich, to be siu*e, but then a man wot's made his own money likes to see to the sijending of it." Thereupon Mr. Jorrocks stuck his hands under his coat-laps and paced thoughtfully i^p and down the apartment, waving them sportively like the tail of a dolphin. Having pulled his wig about in all directions, he at last composed himself at his table, and drew up the following reply : — "Dear Doleful, "Your agi'eeable favour has come to hand, and wei-y pleasant it is. It appears to be directed to two points — the saluljriosity of 'Andley Cross, and the excellence of the 'ounds. On the first point I'm content. I make no doubt the water's capital. Please tell me more about the 'ounds and country — are you quite certain that people will not be backward in comin' foi-ward with the coin ? I've lived a goodish while i' the world — say a liljeral 'alf 'under'd — and I've never yet found money good to get. So long as it consists of pen, ink, and paper work, it conies in like the hocean ; many men can't 'elp puttin' their names down in subscription lists, specially when payin' time's far off, ji;st as others can't help noddin' at auctions, but confound it, when you come to gether in tlie doits, there's an awful fallin' off. Now I think that no one should l.>e allowed to hooi> and holloa, or set up his jaw, wot liasn't paid his subsciiption. Howsomever, you shoidd know best ; and suppose now, as you seem full of confidence, you undei-write me for so much, 'cordin' to the number of days you want the coimtry 'imted. " Turn this over in your mind, and let me know what you think of it; also please tell me more about the 'ounds and the counti-y, for, in fact, as yet I knows nothin'. Are there many old 'ounds in the pack ? Are there many young ones to come in ? What size are they ? Are they level ? Do they cai-ry a good head ? Have they plenty of bone ? Cook says a weedy 'ound is only fit to 'unt a cat in a kitchen — I says ditto to that. What sort of condition are they in ? Cfan they trot out fifteen MR. JORROCKS 83 miles or so. 'unt and come back with their stems up, or do they whiles tire afore the foxes ? How are you off for foxes ? Are they ringers or straight rimners ? A i-inger is only a hare with tail to it. Do yon ever himt a l>agmau? Again I say. -v\Tite to me without reserve- quite freely, in fact, and believe me, &c., " Your's to serve. ■'John Jorrocks, " Great Coram Street, London. "To MisBSKtMrs DoLEFir,, Esq., M.C, " C'apt. Half-pay, Handley Cross Spa." This letter wa« a poser, for ,the wortliy M.C had ud notion of ninning risks, neither liad lie the knowlodgc necessary for HU))|ilyiiig the inff)iiuation Mr. Jorrock.s ic(|iiii<'(l; still lie saw tlie al>Holute necefisity of j)ersevering in the negotiation. a« there was no ])rol)ability of any one else coming foi-ward. In this dilemma, it occurred to him that a iKjld stroke might be the policy, and obviate further trouble. Accordingly he wrote as follows : — " Dear Mr. Jorrocks, '■ Yfuir's is just received. I was on the point of writing to you when it came. A rival has aiijtoan'd for the mastership of the hounds : a great Nabol) with a bad 84 HANDLET CROSS liver, to whom the doctors have i-ecommeuded strong horse-exercise, has an'ived with four posters, and an influential party is desirous of getting the hounds for him. Money is evidently no object — he gave each post- hoy a half-sovereign, and a blind beggar two and six- pence. I have protested most strongly against his being even thought of iintil your final decision is known, which pray give immediately, and for your sake, let it be in the affirmative. I can write no more — my best energies shall be put in requisition to counteract the sinister proceedings of others. Pray write immediately — no time is to be lost. In the greatest haste, " Faithfully yours, " MisERRiMus Doleful, M.C, " Capt. Half -pay. " To John Joeeocks, Esq., " Great Coram Street, London." This letter was a sad puzzler to our worthy friend. In his eyes a mastership of fox-hounds was the highest pinnacle of ambition, and the situation was the more desirable inasmuch as he had about got all the trade he could in the " cut-me-down " countries, and shame to say, they had rather put him out of conceit of the SiuTey. Still long experience had tinctured his naturally ardent and impetuous mind with some degree of caution, and he felt the importance of having some sort of a bargain before entering upon what he well knew was an onerous and expensive undertaking. The pros and cons he weighed and turned over in his mind, and the following letter was the result of his cogitations : — "Dear Doleful, '' I will candidly confess that to be a master of fox-hounds, or M.F.H.. would be a wen-y higli step in the ladder of my hambition. but still I should not like to pay too dear for my whistle. I doesn't wish to disparage the walue of your Nabob, but this I may say, that no man with a bad liver will ever make a good 'untsman. An 'untsman, or M.F.H., should have a good digestion, with a cheerful countenance, and, moreover, should know when to use the clean and when the dirty side of his tongue — when to butter a booby, and when to snul) a snob. He sliould also be indiifei-ent as to weather; and Nabobs all come from the East, where it is werry 'ot — all sunshine and no fogs. ME. JOREOCKS 85 " Ag'ain. if I am rig-lit, they Inmt the jackall, not at all a sportin' animal, I should say, from the specimens in the Zoologicals. Still, as I said before, I doesn't -wnsh to disparage the walue of your Nabob, who may be a weiTv good man, and have more money and less wit than myself. If he is to have the 'oimds, well and good— I can go on as I 'ave been doing, with the glorious old Surrey, and an occasional turn with the ' cut-me-do^vns.' If I'm to have them, I should like to know a little more about the £, s. d. Now, tell me candidly, like a ^ood fellow, without any gammon, wot you think they'll cost, and wot can be i-aised in the way of subscription. Of course, a man that's raised to the lofty position of an M.F.H. must expect to pay something for the honour; and so far from wishing to live out of the 'ounds. I am well disposed to do what is liberal, but then I should like to know the extent of my liability. Dignity, in my mind, should not be too cheap, but betwixt you and I and the wall I rayther mistrust a water-drinker. To be sure there be two sorts o' water-drinkers : those that drink it to save the expense of treating themselves with aught Ijetter, and those wot undergo water for the purpose of briugin' their stomachs round to stand summat stronger. Now, if a man drinks water for pleasure, he should not Ije tnisted, and ouglit to be called upon for his subscrip- tion in advance; but if he drinks water because he has worn ont his inside by strong libations, in all human prfjbability he will be a goodish sort of fellow, and his subscription will be undenvi-itten for a trifle. All this may \xi matter of no moment to a Nabol), but to a man vet's risen from indigence to affluence by the unaided exertions of his own head, it is of importance ; and I shouhl like to know werry particularly how many of the Bubscril^ers are woluntary water-drinkers and how many are water-drinkers from necessity. " I am, as you doubtloss know, a gi-eat grocer and tea mercliant, dcalin' wlioU-sale and retail, importing direct from China, which I Huppose will be the country your NaV>ob comes from; and unfort\inately at the present writing my junior jiartner. Simon Siiiii)kins, sonior, is on a trading tour, ami \ can't well l)e wanted at the shoi*, otlierwisel would run down and have a jtersonal interview with you; but I had a ictt^-rthis moniingfrom liiidders- field, in which he says he will be l>ack as on Friday at fai-thest; therefore as the season is Hj>onding, and the 'ounds should \ni kept going, I conld, should your answerl V>e agreeable, run down on the Saturday and 86 HANDLEY CROSS make an-angenieuts for taking the field immediately. Of com-se I presume there is everything ready for the purpose, and a mounted master is all wot is wanted. J only keep two 'osses — wliat the lawyers call ' qui tam'ers ' — ' 'osses that ride as well as drive,' and they would only do for my own riding. I have also a sharp London lad, who has been with me in the ' cut-me-downs,' who might make a second whip; and my establishment consists of Mrs. Jorrocks, my niece Belinda, Betsay the maid, and Binjimin the boy. Of course, Mrs. J., as the wife of the M.F.H., would expect all proper attention. " I shall want a comfortable house to accommodate this party, and if I coidd get one with stabling attached, it would be agreeable. Perhaps you may know some- thing of the sort, the willa style would be agreeable. I think that's all I've got to say — indeed, I haven't paper for more, so shall conclude for self and partners, " Tour's to serve, "John Jorrocks. "To MiBERuiMus Doleful, Esq., M.C, " Uandley Cro.H8 Spa." Doleful was in ecstasies when he got this letter, for he plainly saw the Nabob had told upon Mr. Jorrocks, and that he was fairly entering the meshes of his net. The letter, indeed, was unexceptionable, save the mention of his avocation of a grocer, which Doleful determined to keep to himself, merely announcing him as a gentle- man of large fortune, whose father had been connected with trade. Recollecting that Diana Lodge was to let, he forthvsdth secured the refusal of it at three guineas a week, and calling on Fleeceall, concocted a most flattering list of suljscribers and members of the hunt, which he fonvarded to Mr. Jorrocks with the following letter : — "Dear Mr. Jorrocks, " By the greatest good luck in the world, Diana Lodge, within a stone's throw of the kennel, came vacant this morning, and not liaving the slightest doul>t that on inspection of the accompanying list of suliscribers to the liounds and members of our cele- brated hunt, which you wiU see l>y tlie letters A. and B. {)refixed to their names, contain very few of those most loiTiljle characters water-drinkers from choice, you will MR. JORROCKS 87 immediately accept the lionom-able office of ' Master,' I have engaged it for you at the very moderate rent of foiu- guineas a-week, including everything. It is a cottage om6e, as you say in France, entered by an ivy-covered trellis-work arch, tastefully entwined with winter roses, now in full blow. In the passage is a highly-polished Honduras mahogany table on claw-feet castors, for hats, whips, gloves, cigar-cases, Sic. On the right is a dining-room of comfortable dimensions,_with another Honduras mahogany table, capable of dining eight people, the orthodox size for a pai*ty, with a Honduras mahogany cellaret sideljoard with patent locks, and a dumb-waiter on castors. The carpet is a Turkey one, and the laig a Kiddei-minster, of a pattern teen <<> tho konnel, attended by two Nfgroos. (mo of whom held a large groon i);irasol over his lioad t()_ protect him from the sun, while the other cMnitMl a chinchilla, fur-lined, blue silk cloak to guard him from the cold. I hear he talked vei-y big about tiger-hunting and elephant-riding, and said the waters here had done his 88 HANDLKY CROSS liver a vast deal of j^ood. I may observe that it is possible an attempt may be made by a few troublesome fellows to place him at the head of tlie establishment, particularly if you any longer delay appearing among us. My advice to you therefore is, to place yourself, yoiu- amiable lady, and accomplished niece, with your servants, horses, &c., on the mid-day Lily-white-sand train, on Friday next, and make a public entry and procession from the Datton Station into Handley Cross, showering half-pence among the little boys as you go. I will take upon myself to muster and marshal such a procession as will have an imposing appearance, and the Nabol) wiU be a very bold man if he makes any attempt upon the hounds after that. " I need not say that your amiable lady will receive from me, as M.C. of Handley Cross, all those polite attentions that are invariably paid by all well-bred gentle- men in the dignified situation I have the honour to hold, more particularly from those bearing Her Majesty's Commission in the Army ; and in the table of precedence among women that I have laid down for the regulation of the aristocratic visitors of Handley Cross Spa, the lady of the M.F.H. comes on after the members of the Royal Family, and before all bishops' wives and daughters, peeresses, knights' dames, justices' wives, and so foi-th. Expecting then to meet you at the Datton Station on the Lily-white-sand Railway, at three o'clock on Friday next, and to have the supreme felicity of making the personal acquaintance of a gentleman who so worthily fills so large a space in the world's eye, I have the honour to subscribe myself, with hmnble respects to the ladies, dear Mr. Jorrocks, " Faithfully yom-'s, " MisEERiMus Doleful, M.C, "Capt. Half -pay." And Jorrocks seeing there was as much chance of getting infomiation by correspondence as there was of getting the truth by inten-ogatories in the days of old Chancery suits, determined to stand the shot, and wrote to say that henceforth they might append the magic letters, M.F.H. , to his name. And forthwith he l^ecame 80 inflated, that Great Coram Street itself could hardly hold him. CHAPTER VIII CAPTAIN DOLEFTJL's DIFFICtlXTIES What a fuss there was prepariuu: foi- Mr. Jorrocks's reception I— Captain Doleful was pei-fectly beside him- self, and ran about the town as though he expected her Majesty. First he went to the proprietary school, and begged a half holiday for all the little boys and girls ; next he visited Mr. Whacicem's mathematical seminary, and did the like by his ; Miss Prim and Miss Prosy both promised to " suspend the duties of their respective establishments " for the afternoon ; and thi-ee infant schools were released from lessons aU the day. " Jor- rocks for ever." was chalked upon the walls, doors and shutters ; and little children sung out his name in lisping acclamations. Publicans looked cheerful, and livery stable keepers, ostlers, and helpers talked about the price of 'ay and com. Sebastian Mello called a meeting of the Religious Freedom S(jciety, wlio voted eight-and- twenty shillings for placarding the town with the follow- ing comfortable assurance— " Fox-hunters will all GO TO ." The banner with tlie fox upon it, and the " Floreat Scientia" scroll paint<^il for the celebrated ball and supi>f;r, was released from the darkness of Mr. Fleece- all s gaiTct, where it liad Ijoen deposited after the enter- tainment, and mounted on poles to lead the way in the iirocession ; while the milliners, mantuamakers, and tailors were severally called upon to contril>ut<; silk, calico, and bunting for flags, decoi-ations, and i-iltlions. Wliatfiver Doleful demanded was nfccKsarily ceded, so absolute was bis sway over the trad(!Hpeople at the Spa. He was indeed a very great man. Did a new cheese- monger, or a new liatt<;r, or a new uiilk-wf)man, wisli to settle in tlu; [ilace, the good-will of the MX', was in- variably to be obtained, else it w;is to little use their troubling themselves tout three- quai-tei-s of an hour, during which time Mrs. Barning- ton had finished a nap on tlie sofa, and arranged an elegant negligee toilette wherein to appear, the butler returned, and witli a bow and wave of his hand an- nounced that "Missis would see the Captain," whom lie preceded up-stairs and handed over to Bandoline, the little French maid, stationed at the door who ushered the Captain into the presence of Mrs. Ba,r- nington in tlie liack drawing-room. She was lying in state, on a costly many-cuahioned crimson and gold ottoman, dressed in a fawn-coloured rob<:! do chainl)i'e, witli a rich white Caclimere slunvl thrown carelessly about lier legs, }>elow which her elegantly-formed feet in pink swan's-down-lined 8lipj)erH prutrudc'd. Her iiioniing cap of costly W(jrkiiianshi|) was oniamcnted and tied with l>road satin cliPrry-coloMrod ril)b()nH, wliicli, witli the colour of the ottoman and cusliioiis. iiii|.;ii ted a gentle hue to her clear but delicate coiiii)lexion, and her bright silky hair flowed in luxuriant tresses from the sides. She wasanialade imaginaire-ist. having originally eouH' as a jiatient of Swiz/le'n; but that roistering practitioner had grievously offended lier by abrujitly closing a long list of inquiries Ijy replying to theciuestion 92 HANDLEY CROSS if he tliouglit slie migrlit eat a few oystei-s, witli, " Oli, liane it, marm, yes, sliells and all ! " She was now pre- tendin;? to read the Handley Cross Paul Pry, while with her left hand she kept applying a costly ^old vinaigrette to her nose. The room was a mass of jewellery, costly furniture, and expensive flowers. " Good morning, Captain," said she, with the slightest possible inclination of her head. — "Bandoline, set a chair," wliich she motioned the Captain to occupy, and the pretty little maid depai-ted. _ " Pray," said she, as soon as the door closed. " what is the meaning of all this to-do about a Mr. Horrocks, that I read of in the Paul Pry ? " 'C"Mr. Hon-ocks," replied the Captain, colouring, "really, marm,", I don't know— it's the first time I've CAPTAIN DOLEFXJL's DIFFICULTIES 93 heard the name mentioned tliis lon^ time, — there was a Mr. Horrocks lived in Sileniis Villa the year before last, but I understood he had gone back to India." "Oh, no," replied Mrs. Barnington. "that's quite another i^erson — these are Londoners— tradespeople, I hear, and the man HoiTocks, the paper says, is to have the hounds." " Oh," replied the Captain, now blushing to the very tips of his ears, "you've mistaken the name, mai-m. Tes. marm. — It's JoiTOcks, mami — Mister JoiTOcks of Great Coram Street, mai-m, a merchant prince, maiin — at least his father was. The present Mr. Jon-ocks is a mighty sportsman, and hearing the hounds were without a leader, he -rn-ote to offer himself, and some of the sporting gentry of the place have been in treaty with him to take them ; but I need not tell you, Mrs. Bamington, that Imnting is not an amusement I am partial to, indeed I hope I may never have occasion to go out again ; but you know that as Master of the Cere- monies I am obliged to countenance many things that I would gladly avoid."' " True," replied Mrs. Bamington, with a smile of approbation — "I thought you would not be likely to encoui'age vulgar people coming here merely because they don't care for breaking their necks over hedges and ditches— but tell me. isn't there a Mrs. JoiTOcks ? " " I imderstand so," replied the Captain with a hem and a haw ; " a lady of birth, they say ; but had I known you would have interested yourself in the matter, I should certainly have informed myself, so as to have l>een aljle to tell you all about her." " Oh dear no ! not for the world !— whether as a lady of birth or a tradesman's wife, it would never do for me to concern inysflf about them. You know my position liere is not to Ito controverted Ity any intorloiiers, be they who they may,— or come from whore they will." " Undoulitedly not, marm," replied the obseciuious M.C. ; "there's not a jjorson in the place inKPnsil)le of the advantages of your lu-osence; tmt I sliould liope, — at least, perhaps I niiiy venture to (jxijrcss a slight wish, — thiit if tliose Jorrocks's appear rcsueclnble i>eo])le, you will for the sake of social>ility voucnsafe them the favour of your countenancr*, and condescend to notice them a Utile" "I don't know what to say :ibont ihiii, iny dear Ciiiitain," rei»Iied Mrs. Barningdm, tliuiigliHiilly. ■ If tlicy iij^Kjar rcspectalde i)eoi>le, and if they live 94 HANDLET CROSS in a certain style, and if I thought the matter would rest at Handley Oi'oss, and they would not obti'ude their acquaintance upon me elsewhere, and if they appeared sensi])le of the oliligation, I might per- haps call upon them; hut where there are so many points to consider, and so many to ascertain, it is almost needless speculating ujjon how one might act ; all that we can do for the present is to maintain one's own consequence, and you know full well the only way to support a place like this is to uphold the dignity of the chief patroness." " No doubt," replied Captain Doleful, with a half- suppressed sigh as the table of precedence among women came across his mind. "I am sure, Madam, I have always been most anxioiis to pay you every respect and attention in my power, and if I have failed it has been owing to the multiplicity of my engagements and duties, and not from any want of inclination on my part."^ — " I'm sure of it, Captain; and now let us see you back here at dinner at ten minutes past six." — "With pleasure," replied the Captain, rising to depai*t, with a grin of satisfaction on his melancholy visage. " Stay one moment." resumed Mrs. Barnington, as the Captain was leaving the room. " The jjaper says these people aiTive to-day. If you chance to see them or can find anything out about them, you know, well and good — perhaps Mr. Barnington might like to know." — " By all means," replied the obsequioiis M.C., backing coui-tier- like out of the room, and nearly splitting himself up with the now opening door. CHAPTER IX THE CONQUEEING HERO COMES The clear Iji-ight beauty of the day, combined with the attraction of a stranger coming to fill so impoi'tiuit a situation as master of fox-hounds, drew many to the Datton Railway Station who were i^reviously unac- quainted even with the name of " JoiTOcks " ; though it is but right to state that the ignorant portion consisted principally of the fair sex ; most men, whether sportsmen or not. having heard of his fame and exploits. All the flys, hack horses, donkeys, and ponies were iDespoke as usual ; and many set out at noon to secure ?ood berths at the station. Precisely at two o'clock 'aptain Doleful ai)i)earod at Miss Jelly's door, attired in a dress that would puzzle the "proi)ei'ty man" of a theatre. It wa.s nearly the same as ho exhibited hiuisolf in on the memorable opening day of the committee of management. The old single-breasted militia coat, lU-nuded of its fa(;ings and trajipings, with a sky-blue "Hilar and sky-blue linings, and a short, slirivelled, butt korseynu'ro waistcoat, with iiH)i]i<'r-oi'-])eMr! buttons, old white moleskin ln-eeches, well (l;irn<'il and iiatclird at the knees, and b;idiy-cleaned Hossian boots and lilac^k heel .spurs. -His hands weri' covond with a i)air fif dirty-wliite kid gloves; an imiioverish Mr. Sam), of course all the other pi-oprictoi-s of hack horses were on the alfi-t to please the great M.(;., and on this day he was mounted )>y Duncan Nevin on his white mare. Fair Rosamond, who was generally honoured by caiTy- 96 HANDLEY CROSS iiig pretty Miss Lovelace, once the head beauty of the place — but who beinof unable to ride this day, it came into the hands of the Captain. _ To make the mare more complete, althoug'h in winter time, its ears were decorated with white fly-nets and dangling tassels, and from the saddle hung a large net of the same colour and texture, with a broad fringe, <^;^o^g^5^g^ii. ■-. US: completly covering her liind quarters and reaching below her hocks. Doleful eyed the whole with a grin of satisfied delight, and never did field-marshal mount his charger for review with a more self-complacent air than sat upon the brow of this distinguished character. Having steadied himself in his stin-ups, and gatliered up the reins, he cast an eye l^tween the barley-sugar and cake cans in Miss THE CONQUERING HERO COMES 97 Jelly's window, aud hissinj? at the mare tlirou^li liis teeth with a jerk of tlie reins, went oif in a canter. A rai-e- actioned beast it was too ! Vp and down, up and down it went, so light and so easy, and niakinpr so little progi'ess withal, that Ducrow himself might have envied the possession of it. Thus Doleful went tip-tup-ping along throiigh the silent streets, to the infinite delight of all the Johns and Jennies, who were left to flatten their noses against the windows during their masters' and mistresses' absence, and here and there exciting the anger of a butcher's dog, or farmer's cur, that flew at the mare's heels, with an indignant bark as she passed. Having timed himself to a nicety, oin* gallant M.C. arrived at the station just as the last fly aud flight of donkeys drew up outside the iron railing that runs along the railroad from the station-house, and, in the absence of Mr. Jorrocks, of com'se he was the object of atti-action. " Good moraing, Captain Doleful," exclaimed a dozen sweet voices from all sorts of vehicles, for women will toady a Master of Ceremonies, be he what he may ; and thereupon the Captain gave one of his featiu'e- wrinkling grins, and raised his oil-skin-covered hat as high as the yard of jjenny ribbon would allow, while all the little boys and girls, for whom he had obtained half -holiday, burst into loiul acclamations, as they stood or sat on Lily-white-sand l)arrels, hazel l^undles, and other misceUaneouK articles waiting for conveyance by the railway. " Now, children, mind, Ije orderly, and attend to what I told you," said the Captain, eyeing his juvenile friends as though he were marshalling them for a quadrille. '"It now wants but ten minutes to the coming of the tniin, so Ix; getting yourselves in order, unfurl the flags ; and you, musicians," turning to th(! ])romenade liand, who were hard at work with some XX, ■■ be getting your instruments ready, to welcome Mr. .lorrocks with ' See the conciuering hero comes!'" As tlie minutes flew, the scene became more inspiriting. Eyes were stained up the railway in the direction he was to come, and ears were open to catcli the first sound of tiie engine. All was anxiety and expectatioji. Hope and fear vacillated on ovei*y countenance. " Should ne not come, what a bore ! " " Oil, but lie's certain to aiTive, anorter8 cut off the last joints of the train, when away it went, hissing and snorting through the quiet country, leaving our party to the undisturbed olwervation of the Handley Cross company. CHAPTER X THE CONQUERING HBRO'S PUBLIC ENTRY APTAIN DOLEFUL, leaving- liis charter in the care of a poiter, now ofEered Mrs. Jorrocks Lis arm, - and walked her oii' to the station-house, followed hy Jor- - rocks and Belinda, amid the observa- tions and inquii-ies of the numerous party ranged out- side the barrier. The ladies being now left to aiTange their toilettes, Jor- rocks and Doleful joined arms in a most friendly maimer, and strutted Ijack to see about unloading the horses, the sack-like figure of the one contrasting with the thin, lathy, mountebank appearance of the other. This being accomplished, Ben proceeded to strip off his dirty v/hito great coat, and display his fine new sky-blue iwstilion jacket, patent cords and top- boots, while JoiTocks Tiegan expatiating to Doleful on the merits of the animals. "This 'ere 'oss," says he, rubbing his hand up and down the P^oman nose of a great rat-tailed brown, " I've ridden many seasons, and he's never given me but one fall, and that was more mv faidt than his. Indeed I may say it was mine entirely. Ow's this country off for foxes ! Well, you see, I was chiveyin' this 'ere 'oss along like wildfire, for it was a most special fine scentin" day — THE CONQUERING HERO S PUBLIC ENTRY 101 breast-liigh all the way— and Tom HiUs, that's our 'untsman, was riding wiciously wenonius — by the way that reminds me can you commend me to an honest man to buy my forage of? Well, we blazed down Windy Hill, and past Stormey Wood, just as though it were as level as this rally, when Joe Crane, thinking to gain a nick, turned for Nosterly, and Tom and I rode slap for Guilsborough, where he threw a shoe, and I was left alone in my glory. I know'd the country well, and sinkin" the hill, stole dovm Muddiford Lane, with the pack goin' like beans on my left, with only two men witliin a mile of them, ban-in' a miller witli his sacks, who rode nncommon galvanizingly. "Well, thinks I to myself, if they turn l)y Gatton steep I'll have a nick, for thougli this "oss was never reglarly pumped out. yet times are when lie'd be better of a little more wind, and so as I rode along Sjeping over the 'edge, 'oping every minute to see old arbican. who was loading the pack that day, give a bend to my side, ven vot should occur but a gipsy camp half across the lane, and throe donkeys, two jacks and a jinney, huddled together in the otlier part so as to make a regular ban-ier, and, by the by, have you read Digby Grand .^ Grand book it is; ]n\t. however, never mind that at present; well, we were close upon the camp and donkeys afore ever we saw thoui. for it was just at tluit sharp tui-n of the road whei-e the Avuterin' trough is— confound them, tliey always place pikes and troughs in the hawkwardest places— and this 'oss though with all liis eyes about him. was so heager lookin' for the 'ounds, that I'm dashed if he didn't couie upon thorn so suddenly that he hadn't time to change his log or do nothing, conKoipioiitially he dodged first among the gipsy liairns, l)utting his foot through ;i *a;vr-pan the old fatlier gipsy was a mendin', and tiien, foarin' mischief. Iio flew to the left, and cast me right on to the old jiimoy hass's back, who, rJMin' at the moiiiout, finished ih<'" business l)y kickiir mo off into (.lie dirtiest lioaj) of comjioHitiou for 1 nrnipH I ever smolt in my lifo haw, haw, haw I I really think I wind it now. Still the 'oss is a good uii— an undoniable good iin. When he can-ies ma well, I ax's tliree 'undrod for him, at other times I'd take thirty. 1 nover gnidgoH money for 'ossos. Des-say if all the nioney I've siM-nt iirsL and la.st weie e^pially disf i-il)nt( d among them, they wouldn't stand me i' less noi- forty jMuid apiece. '■ This too'.s a giand nag I " contiiuied lie, taking hold 102 HANDLEY CROSS of the ear of a stiff bay with white hind legs, and a ban^ tail — "good at evei-ything — rides, drives, 'nnts, and can-ies a 'ooman. I call him Xerxes, 'cause as how ven I drives two, as I'm a doin' to-day, he goes ieadei', and in-course the broAvn, which I calls Artei'-'X.erxes, comes arter him ! Both go like the vind — good 'osses ! uncommon good ! rough and strong as our four shillin' tea.— Binjamin, mind the traces, — and now bo after puttin' to, your Missis will be ready by the time we get all square ; " and thereupon Mr. Jorrocks began fussing and busying him- self with the horses and harness, and very soon had Xerxes and Arter-Xerxes in their proper places, "tandem fashion." The carriage was an old, low, open, double- bodied one, with red and black wheels, looking as miich like a fii-e-engine as anything else, especially with the Westphalia hams and wanning-pan swinging from the l)ottom like buckets. It held four comfortably, or five on a pinch, and the inmates were Mr. JoiTOcks and his wife, Belinda and Betsey. It was tremendously stuffed and hung about with luggage, and at the back was attached a most spoi'ting package, consisting of two saddles done \ip in horse-sheeting; and through the roller which fastened them to the caiTiage, two stout hunting-whips and a new brass horn were thrust. All things being ready, Mr. JoiTOcks gave Benjamin a " leg up " on to Xerxes, and gathering up the reins of his wheeler in a most workmanlike manner, stepped into the vehicle, and preceded by Captain Doleful on the white charger, drove up to the station-house door, to the infinite delight of all the spectators outside the rails, amid the puffings, scrapings, and tootlings, of the musicians, the pointing of children, the imfurling of flags, and general movement of the meeting. Mrs. Jorrocks and Belinda had improved the few jninutes in the station-house, and with the aid of Betsey and a looking-glass had rectified the little disorders of the journey. Having cast her sea-green wrapper, Mrs. J oiTocks shone forth in a superb scarlet brocade pelisse, so bright and dazzling that even in Great Coram Street, or St. Paucras Church, it acted as a loadstone on the eyes of the beholders, and now in the quiet country was almost overpowering. She looked like a full-blovm peony. Belinda, the young, the fair, the beautiful Belinda, was the jjicture of innocence and health. Her large lustrous bhie eyes, with their long silken lashes, shone "sweetly lambent " from beneath a dralj silk drawn lionnet lined M ^-^ .1 •1 THE CONQUERING HERO's PUBLIC ENTRY 103 with blue, across which a rich black veil was thrown ; a smile hovered round her ruby lips, disclosing the beautiful reiailarity of her pearly teeth : while the late rapid move- ment through the air. joined with the warmth of the station-house, and the excitement of the scene, had imparted a slight flush to a delicate, but beautifully clear complexion. Her shining brown hair, di-awoi across her forehead in the Madonna style, was confined with a naiTow baud of V>lue velvet, while a rich well-fitting drab silk pelisse displayed the symmetry of her exquisitely rounded figure. Her Iseautifully-formed feet were enclosed in well-fitting patent leather shoes. Avhose ties embraced well-tunied ankles encased in well-drawn up, white gauze silk stockings. The 8tation-hou.se and 1>uildings concealing our pai'ty from view, Mr. Jon-oeks had time to make those comfortable dispositions of tlie persons of his suite as are always desirable in public processions, but which are sometimes driven out of the heads even of the most experienced paraders, by the inquisitive observations of many hundred eyes. He now took Belinda upon the draw-out seat between himself and Mrs. JoiTOcks, while Betsey bundled in behind, among Dundee marmalade, sugar-loaves, Cojjenhagen cheiTy-brandy, and other things. Having given a knowing cast over his left shoulder, to see that she was right. Mr. Jon*ocks cried out, " Now, Binjimin, follow the Captain," and giving Arter-Xences a touch with the point of the whip, ])assed from the screen fonned by the station-house, to the folding iron gates at the side, which being thrown open at the ajjproach of the Captain, they made a splendid turn off the railway line into the crowed space out- sido. "Huzza I huzza I huzza I huzza! huzza! huzza!" exclaimed a JiundT-ed voices; "Huzza! huzza!" res])onded a liundred iiiurc. amid the roll of drums, the puffing of the horns, the flap])ing of the flags, and the waving of handkerchipfs, from those whose anst<')cratic ideas lirf'cliided tlie expr^-Hsion f)f clauiorous applause. Do]ef)il Htoi>j»cd Benjjiinin on the loader, nud Mr. JorroclcK pulling short up. strxxl erect in tlie Vfjiiclc, ;ind taking off his Jow-crownr-d hat, ])Owed and waved it repeatedly to the compaTiy. while Mrs. Jorrocks nelmowledged tlie compliment by fr<'(|uent kisses of lior hnnd.and Belinda's face bf'caino Hnflu.sed with l>lusheH at the jjublicity and novflty of hi'Y situation. Ifnving sufficiently oxcniscd Hif'ii' lungs, liat.s l>egan to rest upon thfii" owners' heads, linndkcrcliiofs were returned to their pockets, and amid 104 HANDLEY CROSS a general ])\izz and exclamation of applanse, a vush was made at the carriage to get a closer view of Belinda. " By Jove, what a beautiful girl ! "' exclaimed Captain Parkins (a new-comer) to his friend, Mr. Dyneley, eyeing Belinda through his glass. " Did you ever see such eyes ? " inquired a second. " Handsomest creature I ever beheld ! Fine undulating figure ! " observed a third. " What a quiz the old girl is ! " remarked another. " Is she her daughter ? " inquired a third of Captain Doleful, who was busy marshalling the procession. " Lots of money I suppose ! " said another. " He looks like a rich fellow, with that qiaeer-looking hat of his." " The servant girl's not bad-looking." " Miss for my money," said another, " I'm in love with her already." " I wish she'd stand up and let's see her size." " I lay a guinea she's a clipper." " There's a hand ! I'll be bound for it she has a good foot and ankle. None of your hairy-heel'd ones." "He looks like a jolly old dog," obsei-ved another. " "We shall have lots of good dinners, I dare say." Doleful's face wrinkled into half its usual size with delight, for he plainly saw he had made a hit ; and most foi-tiuiate were those men who had cultivated his friend- ship through the medium of the subscription books at the libraries, for the two-guinea subcribei's were immediately presented to the trio, while the guinea men were let in at intei-vals as the procession moved along the road. Nor sliould we omit to mention, for the insti-uction of all other M.C.'s, that thirteen new names were put down that evening, so that Doleful's prospects were brighter than evei". The first l^urst of applause having subsided, the party got settled into the order of the day, as laid down in the progi'amme of the worthy M.C. First went the pro- prietary school children, eighty boys and a hundi-ed and nine girls, three a-breast, with sundry pocket-hand- kerchief banners. Next came the " Fox and Floreat Scientia" flag, on douljle poles so as to stretch across the road ; the musicians, two drummers, two hoi-n-blowers. two fiddlers, and a fifer, were jjlanted behind it; aftei- which came thiee glazed calico flags, of various colours in stripes, followed l)y Whackem's mathematical seminary, and the rabble at large. Then came another THE CONQUERING HERO S PUBLIC ENTRY 105 hi rge double fliifr. in Inroad stni^es of scarlet and white, witk the words " Jorkocks for ever ! " done in blue lettei's ; Doleful's owoi place was immediately after this, but of course, during the progress to Handley Cross, he kept alongside the can-iage of the distinguished strangers. The flys, gigs, ])onies, donkeys, chaises, &c., followed on in a long-dra'wn line, just as they could jostle in, for the Captain knew the high hedges on each side of the nari'ow road would do more towards keeping them in order than all the injunctions and remonstrances he could lay down or use. Mrs. JoiTocks was delighted! — Never before did she think anything either of himting or her husband, but now the foi-mer seemed a most delightful amusement, and JoiTocks appeared a perfect hero. He too was channed with his recei^tion. and grinned and nudged Belinda witli his elliow, and cast a sly wink over his shoulder at Betsey, as they jumbled along the road, and the compliments of the crowd came showering among them. Then he turned his eyes up to heaven as if lost in reflection and bewilderment at the honour he had an-ived at. Anon he caught the point of his whip and dropped it scientifically along Arter-Xerxes" side, then lie began to whistle, when Captain Doleful having i-esigned the side of the carriage on which Mrs. Jorrocks was sitting to Cajitain Parkins, came round to say a few nothings to our wortliy friend. "Well, Misprriiiius," said Jon-ocks, opening the con- vei-sation as thougli lie had knowai him all his life, "you see I'ln dovni upon yo\i, as the extinguisher said to the rushlight always say you cam't be too quick in catchin' a flea.— 'Ow's the Nal^jb ? " "Middling, th;iiik you,"' again replied the Captain,— "//i/i/'rc looking uncominonly well, I'm sure," said lie. eyeing Mr. JcMTOcks as he sijoke. "Oh, nic!" rejilied Jon-ocks, "bless you, I'm never bad— never 'cej)t I gets a d)-r)p too much, as will liai^pen in the l>e8t rcglated families, yon know, Miserriinus." \V'liecf J know.- Indeed f*^- everything." " Yoii"ll be dcHjieriition fond of 'iintiii', 1 s'poj;e," olweived Mr. Jorrocks, after a slight [lausc, flourishing 106 HANDLE Y CROSS his wlii]) over his liead, and giving a knowing look "at Doleful's accoutrenionts. " It's the only thing worth living for in my mind," reiilied Captain Doleful. "By jingo! so say I," rejoined Mr. JoiTocks; "all time's lost that's not spent in 'untin'. — Give us your liand, Miserrimus, my boiiy. for you must be a trump — a man after my o^vn 'eart ! " and thereupon JoiTOcks fave him such a shaking as nearly sent him off his orse. " Tliat'U he your kiver "ack, I presume," observed Mr. iToiTocks after their hands were released, as he cast an eye at the white. "He goes hup and down like a yard and a 'alf of pump water." Doleful did not know whether this was meant as a compliment or otherwise, so he " grinned hoiridly a ghastly smile," and asked Mr. Jorrocks if he was fond of music. " Music ! " said Mr. Jorrocks, "//e*-, the music of the 'ounds — none o' your tamboureenin' work. Give me the real ough, ougJi, ough, of a fine deep-toned 'ound in the depths of a rocky dell, as he drags up to old Reynard among the brashwood," and as he spoke. Mi*. JoiTocks snuffed the air and threw his head aboiit as though he were feeling for a scent himself, — " "What sort of fencin' have you ? " " Fencing !" repeated Captain Doleful thoughtfully — " fencing, whj^ we've had none, I think, since the theatre closed." " Humph ! " mused Mr. JoiTOcks, " that's queei — never knew a play-actor in my life with the slightest turn for 'untin'. The foremost in the procession having now reached the outskirts of the town, a halt was made to allow the pedestrians to knock the dust oft' their shoes, and get their voices ready for shouting. Doleful rode along the line exhorting them to order and regularity, and direct- ing the streets through which the procession should pass, taking particular care to keep wide of the Bamingtons. A considerable accession was here made to their strength by numerous g7-oups of ladies and gentlemen, who, attracted by the fineness of the day, and a little natural curiosity, had wandered out to see what sort of an animal a Cockney master of hounds was. Miss Prim and Miss Prosey's seminaries too timied out in their pink and blue ginghan\s, and came up just at the period of the lialt, — all the grooms and helper,* of the toAvn who could not get to the station now flocked THE CONQUERING HERO'S PUBLIC ENTRY 107 to swell the throng. The hubbub and confusion was excessive, and they pushed and elbowed, and fought to get near the carriage to have a close view of Mr. Jor- rocks. *• My eyes, but he"s a fat un ! " exclaimed Mr. Brisket, the" butcher, to his foreman, "it would be a downright credit to a butcher to supply such a gent. : can't be less nor three inches o' fat on his rib ; " where- upon he thnist a card into Mr. Jorrocks' hand, contain- ing his name, trade, and place of aVjode. This was a signal for the rest, and immediately a shoal of cards were tendered from persons of all callings and pro- fessions. Liicy Sandey would mangle, wash, and clear- starch ; then Hannah Pye kept the best potatoes and green-groceries in general : Tom Hardy supplied milk at all houi-s; George Dodd let donkeys by the day or hour ; Samuel Mason offered the card of the Bramber livery stables, where there was a lock-up coach-house ; Susan Muddle hoi)ed the ladies would drink with her at the Spa at a shilling a week, and glass foimd. Then there was a wine-merchant's card, followed by lodging- house keepers' without end, and a chinmey-sweep's. All in advance being now ready. Captain Doleful came grinning and capering through the crowd, and announced to tlie ladies that they were aboiit to enter the town, and infonned Mr. Jorrocks that they would first of all ijroceed to tlie Dragon Hotel, from the balcony of which it would have a good effect if he would address the meeting. Witliout waiting for Mr. Jor- rocks' assurance that he " didn't know what to say," he i)laced himself in advance of Benjamin, and raised his liunting-whi); as a signal to the musicians, who imme- diately sti-uck uj) '■ See the conquering hero comes." and tlie cavalcade i)roceeded. The boom of tlie druuiK, the twang of the horns, and the shouts of the children broiight every human being to the doors, windf)ws. iind verandahs, and tlicie was such running, and rushing, and figlitiug b) see the conf|ueriiig heio, and such laughing among the servant maids at the ample diiiK'ii- sions of his Hliouldcis. witli as many observations uiion his retinue, as would fill a chajitcr of tliciiisflvos. After passing the long line of villas that stud the road in the Mount Sioii direction, tlie cavnlcade tunied into Artliur Street, where the noise and Inistle increased tenfold. Slir)|> lads, no longer to l.e re.st rained. ruKhed out in defian<'e of tlieii- masters' halloas, some hastily putting up the sliutters. others leaving the shons to take care of themselves. i3azaars, fancy shops, jewellers', 108 HANDLEY CROSS etc., were drawn of l)oth buyers and sellers ; and as the " Floreat Scientia " banner rounded tlie tuni into Hiffli Street, an advancing? mob from the other end of tlie town charged with such vigour as sent both poles through Stevenson the hatter's window, damaging a dozen pasteboard boxes, being the principal part of his stock in trade. Nothing was heard above the clamonr bnt the boom of the drams, and the occasional twang of a horn, while Captain Doleful's red coat, and his horse's liowing white head, seemed borne upon the shoulders of the multitude. Thus they proceeded in stately array down High Street, and neared the Dragon Hotel. At length they got the caiTiage up to the arched door, and the party alighted amid a tremendous bin-st of applause. Captain Doleful having tendered his nrm to Mrs. JoiTOcks, Belinda took her uncle's, and no sooner did Betsey get out of tlie back seat of the can-iage than a whole host of little diity boys scraml)led in to obtain a Ijetter view, making desperate havoc among the Dimdee marmalade and Copenhagen cheiTy-brandy, to the infinite indignation of Benjamin, who roared lustily from the leader that he would '" 'oss-vip 'em " all round. CHAPTER XI THE ORATIONS Snubbins, the landlord, liaviuf? ushered his distln- eruished gruests into the balconied apartment of the first- floor front. Captain Doleful took a hasty review of his person at the lookini^'-o-lass, placing his straggling hairs in the most conspicuous manner over his forehead, and loosening liis oilskin-covered hat from his scarlet coat, he advanced with out-squared toes and elbows to present himself to the notice of the meeting. His ai)pearance in tlie balcony was the signal for a universal roar, amid which the drums and wind instru- ments did their duty. After bowing and grimacing most condescendingly to the meeting below, silence was at length obtained, and he proceeded to address them as follows : — '■ Ladies and ffentlemen,— ladles and gentlemen," he repeated, laying the emphasis on the word ladies, and gi-inning like an elderly ape on all around, "encouraged by yo\ir smiles, by yoiu- ap])lau8e, for, without you, aa the"p<^>^t Campliell V.eautifully enquires, 'What is man? ~a world without a sun,' I present myself to your notice to i)ei-fonn an act that I verily and conscientiously l>elieve wiU prove most conducive to the interest, the happiness, and general welfare of this thriving and impoi-tant t^iwn." Here tlie Captain placed his fore- finger on his liii. and, ;u-f()rvi(jus arrange- ment witli tlie dnimmers, tli<-y rumbled with t lieir di-ums, and the children gave some loud lni//,as. in conjunc- tion with such of the mob as were troiibl<'d witli a turn for shouting. " Ladies and gentlemen." he resumed, " I stand not iiere for tbe gratification of the ])al try per- sonal vanity of addrf^ssing this distinguiHhed assemr)ly, but T jjn-sent myself to your notic*', in dlHcharge of the high, the onerous, tlie hoiu>tirable and all-imjioHant office of Master of the Ceremonies of this i-cnowned Spa, 110 HANDT.EY CROSS to introduce to your notice the most distinguished, the most determined, the most popular, and the most scientific sportsman England, or any other country, ever saw (loud cheers). Need I say, gentlemen, that this illustrious individual is the great and reno^vned Mr. Jorrocks — a name familiar to our ears as Mr. Dickens's household words— so familiar that it is even chalked on the walls of our towii ; and it is indeed a high — a flatter- ing circumstance to my mind, that I — even I — the humlile individual who now stands Ijefore you, should have been the means of procuring for a town that I love so ardently, a man of such imeqiialled excellence and such distinguished Avorth." Here Doleful being rather blown, put his finger to his lip again, upon which the drtims rumbled, the horns twanged, and a round of applause was brewed up. He resumed, — " Gentlemen, the temporary cloud that obscured the brightness of our delightful town has Eassed away ! another and a brighter siui has risen, eneath whose fostering rays, prosperity — bright, un- equalled i^rosperity — shall renovate ovu' homes, and di-aw foi-th blessings from your grateful hearts (cheers). This, gentlemen, is a thought that repays me for a world of trouble, and believe me that in all the changes and chances of this eventfvil life, amid all the fi'owns of life's vicissitudes, the bright recollection of this hour will furnish consolation that a thousand woes will not outweigh (great applause). Let me not, however, ladies and gentlemen, dwell too long on the pai-t I have happily, but unwoi-thily played in this transaction. Let me not stand between that bright constellation of sporting knowledge and the indulgence of your laudable curiosity. Rather let me withdi'aw, with a bosom o'er- flowing with heartfelt gi'atitude for the honours your kindness has heaped ixpon me, and introduce to your notice our gi-eat and ilhistrious stranger." Here Doleful squared out his elbows and bowed most humbly and condescendingly, first to the front, then to the east and west, and, courtier-like, backed from the balcony into the room, amid loud and long-continued cheers. Wliile he was delivering himself of all this eloquence, Mrs. JoiTOcks was busy inside the room preparing her husband for presentation to the meeting. Having made him take oif his versatio coat, she brushed his blue under one over, inibbed the velvet collar right, put his wig straight, and wiped the dust off his Hessian boots with a comer of the table-cover. Doleful came backing in, and THE ORATIONS 111 iieai'ly upset Jorroeks as he was standing;- on one le^' Ijy tlie table, imdergoing' the latter operation. '"Now, it's your turn. Mr. Jon-ocks," obsei-ved the Captain, on the fonner recovering his equilibnuni. and thereupon they joined hands and advanced into the balcony, like the Siamese twins, amid the uproarioiis applause of the meeting. OW AKK YE AI.I. r " 'Ow are ye all ? " 8aid Mr. JonockH wKh the greatest familiarity, nodding round to tlie me<'ting. ;ind kissing his liiind. " 'Oi)08 you are well. Now my frind, Misev- rimuB. having Hi>nn yon a yam about wlio T am, aufl all that sort of thing, I'll not rini Imh foil, but gft upon fresh gronnd. and say a few words about how mattflrs are to be managed. 112 HANDLEY CROSS " You see I've come down to 'nnt youv country, to he master of your 'ounds, in fact,— and first of all I'll ex- plain to you what / means by the word master. Some people call a man a master of 'ounds wot sticks an 'orn in his saddle, and blows when he likes, but leaves every thing else to the 'untsman. That's not the sort of master of 'ounds I mean to be. Others call a man a master of 'ounds wot puts in the paper Mr. So-and-so's 'ounds meet on Monday, at the Loin o' Lamb ; on Wednesday, at the Brisket o' Weal ; and on Saturday, at the Frying-pan ; and after that, jest goes out or not, as suits his conweui- ence— but t/uit's not the sort of master o' hounds I means to be. Again, some call themselves mastei-s of 'omids when they pay the difference atwixt the sxibscription and the cost, leaving the management of matters, the receipt of money, payment of damage, and all them sort of par- tiklars, to^ the secretary. But that's not the soi-t of master o' 'ounds I means to be. Still, I means to ride with an 'orn in my saddle. Yonder it is, see," said he, pointing to the package behind the can-iage, " a regler Percival, silver mouth-piece, deep cup'd— and I means to adwertise the 'omids in the paper, and not go sneakin' about like sonie of them beggarly Cockney 'unts, wot look more as if they were goin' to rob a hen-roost than 'unt a fox, but havin' fixed the meets, I shall attend them most punctual and regler, and take off my cap to all payin' sul)scribers as they come up (cheers). This, I thinks, will Ije the best way of doin' business, for there ai-e some men wot don't care a copper for owin' the master money, so long as the matter rests atwixt them- selves, and yet who would not like to see me sittin' among my 'ounds with my cap slouched over my eyes, takin' no more notice of them than if they were as many pigs, as much as to say to all the genmaen round, ' these are the nasty, dirty, seedy screws wot don't pay their subscriptions.' " In short I means to be an M.F.H. in reality, and not in name. When I sees young chaps careering o'er the country without lookin' at the 'ounds, and in all humane probability not knowin' or carin' a copper where they are, and I cries, ' 'oler cent, of its danger. To iiie tlie dink of the couples from a vipper-in"s saddle is more inusical than any notes that ever came out of Greasey's mouth (cheers). I doesn't wish to dispai-age the walue of no man. but this T may say, tliat no Nalxjl) that ever was foaled, loves '\intiii' better lliau iiic (( licors). It's the wen-j' bn-ath of my liody I Tlu- livci- and bacon of my existence I I doeHn"t know what the crazcyologists may say, but this I believes that my 'ead is notliiu' but one great bump of 'untin' (cheers). 'Untin' fills my thonghts l)y «lay, and many a good run \ have in my HJeej). Many a dig in tlie ril)H 1 gives Mrs. J. wlicn I think tlipy'rc ruiinin" into the warmint (renewed cheers). No ma7i is fit to be called a si)orlsnian wot doesn't kick liis wife out of bed on a haverage once in three weeks! I 114 HANDLEY CROSS (applause, mingled with roars of lau^liter). I'm none of yoiir fine, dandified Rotten Row swells, that only ride ont to ride 'ome ajyain, l)ut I loves the smell of the moi-nin' hair, and the wen-y mud on my tops when 1 conies home of an evenin' is dear to my 'eiirt (cheoi-s). Oh, my frinds ! if I could but go to the kennel now, get out the 'ounds, find my fox, have a good chivey. and kill him, for no day is good to me without blood, I'd— I'd — I'd — di-ink three pints of port after dinner 'stead of two I (loud cheers). That's the way to show Diana your gi-atitude for favours past, and secure a continuance of her custom in future (cheers). But that we will soon do, for if you've — " ' 'Osses soiind, and dogs 'ealthj', Earths well-stopped, and foxes plenty,' no longer shall a master be wantin' to lead you to glory (loud cheers). I'll not only show you how to do the ti-ick in the field, but a scientific course o' lectors shall train the young idea in the art at 'ome. I've no doubt we shall all get on capitally — fox 'unters are famous fellows — tell me a man's a fox-hunter, and I loves him at once. We'll soon get 'quainted, and then you'll say that John JoiTOcks is the man for your money. At present I've done — hoping werry soon to meet you all in the field — I now says adieu." Hereupon Mr. Joi-rocks bowed, and kissing his hand, backed out of the balcony, leaving his auditoiy to talk him over at their leisure. CHAPTER XII CAPTAIN DOLEFUL AGAIN HEN Mr. Jor- rocks backed from the lialconj' into tlie "Moon" after deliverinof tlie lu- minous address reported in oiu- last chapter, Captain Doleful looked at his watch and found it wanted but ten minutes to the time he was to appear at the board of her imperial majesty. Mrs. Bai-ninj^-ton ; so rinKin^-- for Mr. Snul)bins, the landlord, he ha.stily consifOK-d the pai-ty to his protection, and, • luittinj,' tlie room, ran tlira. Tlie crowded incidents of the hour left no time for reflection, and fortunate, perliaps, it was for the Captain, that he had no time to consider of what had taken phice, or even his creative fcenius nii^fht liave discovered some little diflicnlty in recom-iliiit,' the dis- crej)!incies that existed between his jtrofeHsions and j.ert'onnanceH. So rpiick, however, were his movements, and tlie transition of events, that John Trot, the under butler, who was one of the audience Jiefore the "Dratron." had not time to detail the doin^^s of the day to Mr. Moniitfoid. the biill.i-. to tell Mrs. 8t\niii>H, the housekeefjer, for the information of Bandoline, to can*y 116 ITANPLEY CROSS in liroken Eng'lish to her mistress, ere Captain Doleful's half i-esolute tap of a Icnock announced his aiTival at the door. " Why here's old Wo-begone himself, I do believe ! " exclaimed John, breaking off in his nai'rative at the intrusion of the flag-poles into Stevenson the hatter's window. " It is, incleed," added he, casting his eye up the area gi-ating at the Captain, as he stood above ; *' I declare lie has peeled off his uniform and come like a Chi'istian. Dirty dog, he can't have washed himself, for I saw him Ijolt out of the ' Dragon ' not three miniites afore I left, and I only looked in at the 'Phoenix and Flower Pot,' and took one glass of hot elder wine, and came straight home ; " saying which, John, in the absence of Sam, the footman, settled himself leisurely into his coatee, and proceeded to let the Captain into the house. " The dog's come to dine," said John, on his return, " and precious hungry he is, I dare say, for he don't allow himself above two feeds a week they say. However, I gave him a bit of consolation, by telling him that missis had laid down at four o'clock, with orders not to be disturbed, and tlieref oi-e it might be eight or nine o'clock before they dined ; bvit ' Sir,' says I, ' there's the MomiiKj Post' so I left him to eat that, and precious savage he looked. Now, I declare on the honour of a gentleman, of all the shabby screws I ever came thwart of in the whole of my ijrofessional career, that Doleful is the dirtiest and meanest. T'other night it was raining perfect wash-hand-stand basins full, and after sitting master out to bed, and inissis until she began to yawn, he mustei-ed courage to do the expensive, and asked me to fetch him a fly. Well, never had I seen the colour of his coin, often and often as he has darkened our door, and come with his nasty jointed clogs, dirty cloaks, and wet numbrellas ; but thinks I to myself, this surely will be catching time, and it 'ill all come in a heap in the shape of a golden sovereign pound cake; so out I si^lashed, silks and all, the first day on, too, and brovight up Sam Fletcher's yellow with the grey; skipped up- stairs, told him all was ready, handed l)im his hat, upon which I saw him fumbling in his upper pocket ; he stepped into the fly, and just as T closed the door, slipped something into my hand — felt small — half sov., better than nothing, thought I — ' thank you, sir. Miss Jelly's,' cried I to Master Sam ; off he went, in comes 1, looks in my Land — hang me if it wer'n't a Joey ! " CAPTAIN DOLEFUL AGAIN 117 "That beats everything!" exclamiecl Mr. Mouutford, the butler, lying down a handful of spoons he had been counting over ; " why do you know he gave me one the very same day, and it lies on the entrance table now, to let him see how little we care for Joeys in our house." " Who's that you're talking about ? " inqiiired Mrs. Stumps, whose room being on the other side of the l^assage from the biitler's pantry, enabled her to hold a dialogue without the trouble of moving herself across, she having been selected on accovmt of her fatness and the volubilty of her tongue. " Only old Lamentable," replied Mr. Trott ; " what do you think the fellow's done now ? — complimenting Mr. Mouutford and myself with a Joey a-piece. Stop till I catch liim with a decent coat on, and see if I don't dribble the soup or melted l>utter over it." " Confoimd the mean dog," observed Mrs. Stumps, ■ he's the most miserable man that ever was seen. 1 do wonder that missis, with all her fine would-be-fashionable airs, countenances such a mean sneak. Master maj^ be dull, and I dare say he is, but he's a prince compared to old Doleful." '■ Master's >it>ft." replied Mr. Mouutford thoughtfully, '"and he's laa-d too in some tilings, but there are many worse men than he. Besides, the wife's enough to drive liini mad. She's a teirible tartai*." "Slie's in one of lier tantrunis's to-day," obsei-ved Mrs. Stumps, "and lias had Mademoiselle crying all the morning. She's tried on tliirteen dresses already and none will please lier. It will be eight o'clock very likely V>ef(jre they dine, and that reminds ine she had two notes this morning l)y post one was from Lady Giilyfit'ld.and Sam thought lie saw Honiethingalxjut dining. :md staying all night, as he took it ui)-stairs. so just you keei) your ears oijen at dinner, and find out the day. as I want to have a few friends to cards and a ijuadrille tho first time th<' family go lion i home." '■ Oh. 1 claresayl <'an iic(|u;iiii) you nil iiliout it without waiting f(»r dinner," observed Air. Aloiintfoid. "Sain, just step into the clothes-room, and feel in B.'s brown frock-coat that he had on this moniing, and bring me his letters." Sam olx-yed. ;md K]>eedily returned \vitli three. Mr. Momitford took them, and casting nn adhenivd one aside, as either a "bill or a begging letter," f)pened ;i line gliized note with blue edges, sesiled with a transfixed heart on green wax: — " M<»nday at ten. at the 'Apollo Belvidere,' ' was all it contained, and 118 HANDLEY CROSS wiukin^'' at Sit in, who winked at John Trot, wJio passed the wmk to Mrs. Stumps, Mr. Moxiutford refolded tlie note, and opened the one from Sir Giheon Gillylield, which contained a pressing invitation for the Friday following, to make one at a battix on the Saturday. " You miist find out whether they go or not," observed Mrs. Stumps ; '" they will be sui-e to say something about it at dinner, so xnind be on the look-out. There's missis's bell ! my stars, how she rings ! wouldn't l)e near her for the world." — A perfect peal ! After Doleful had had a good spell at the " Post," beginning with the heading and ending with the jjiinter's name at the end, Mr. Barnington made his appearance from his room below, where he had been deceiving himself into the belief that he was reading, and saluted the M.C. in the way that a man generally takes his wife's friends when he does not like her. After exchanging a few nothings, he looked with an air of easy indifference roiuid the room, then at the French clock on the mantel- piece, next at his watch to see that it was not wrong, and finally composed himself cross-legged into a low douro with massive cushions at the back and sides. Doleful resiuned his seat on the sofa. Thus they sat for half an hovu-, listening to the tickings of the timepiece, looking alternately at each other and the door. Seven o'clock came and no Mi-s. Barnington, then 'the quarter chimed in that concise sort of way that almost says, " Oh, it's only the qiuxrter ! " the half-hour followed with a fuller chorus and more substantial music, whereupon Barn- ington, who was beginning to be hungry, looked indig- nantly at his watch and the door, then at Doleful, but wisely said nothing. Doleful, who had only treated himself to a penny bun since lireakfast, was well-nigh famished, and inwai-dly wished he had palmed himself oft' on the Jorrocks's; when just as the timepiece was chiming away at a quarter to eight, a page in a green and gold uniform threw oj^en the door, and in sallied the majestic Mrs. Bai-niugton in lavender-coloured satin. With a slight inclination of her head to the Captain, who was np like an arrow to receive her. and a look of contempt at her husband, she seated herself on an ottoman, and glancing at a diminutive watch in lier armlet, and seeing it corresponded with the time on the inantel-piece, without a word of apolog'y for keeping them waiting, she hun'ied off the page to order dinner instantly. CHAPTER XIII A FAMILY DINNER Just as Mrs. Baraington Avas desiring Doleful to riiia: the bell to see wb j- dinner was not ready, Mr. Moimtf ord, with gri'eat state, and an air of the most prof ound respect, walked into the centre of the room, and announced that it was on the table, when, backing out. and leaving the page in charge of the door, he retui-ncd to the parlour to twist a napkin round his thumb, and place himself before the centre of the side-board to be ready to raise the silver cover from the soup tureen, and hand it to John Trot, to pass to Sam, to place on the tray the instant the party were seated. Mrs. Baruington, with an air of languid aljsence, mechanically placed her hand on Dolefid's arm, and sailed down the thickly-carpeted staircase, past the footmen in the entrance, aiul dropt into a many-cushioned chair at the head of the table. Dolefid seated himself at the side opposite the fire, and Baniington of coiu'se took his place at the foot of the table. Soup and a glass of shen-y passed round amid the stares and anxious watcliings of tlie servants, })efore anything like a conversation was commenced, for Bani- ingterat(i 120 HANDLEY^CROSS effort to turn the conversation at the outset, the only chance of effecting- it; "if you don't." observed he, *• there's a capital fellow come from Mortlake in Suirey, to estaljlish an agency here for the sale of the same sort of beer the Queen drinks, and apropos of that, Mrs. Barnington, perhaps you are not aware that her Majesty IS so truly patriotic as to indulge in the juice of the hop —takes it at luncheon, I understand, in a "small silver cup, a present from the Prince, with the lion and the unicorn fighting for the crown, beautifully raised in dead gold upon it. made liy Hnnt and Roskill, who certainly have more taste in trinkets, and articles of rertu, than all the rest of London put together, but this })eer is very g;ood— clear— amber and hoppy." added he, drinking it off, hoping to drown old Jorrocks, wife, niece, and all. in the draught. " Who is Horrocks, that you were asking about, my dear ? '' inquired Barnington of his wife, for the purpose of letting Doleful see he didn't consider him worth answering, and not from any motives of curiosity.— an infirmity from which he was perfectly free. " Only some people the Captain and I were talking about this moming, my love, that were expected from London. They are not come, you say .P " added she, turning to the Captain. ■■ Oh yes. marm, I said they were come. Allow me the honour of taking wine with you ? Do you take champagne ? Champagne to your mistress," looking at Mr. Moimtford. Mountford helped them accordingly, giving the Captain as little as possible. " Well, and what sort of people are they ? " resumed Mrs. Barnington, setting down her glass, and looking at Doleful as much as to say, "Come, no nonsense, out with it." " Upon my word I can hardly give an opinion, for I saw so httle of them ; Init I should say from what little I did see, that they are very respectable— that's to say (haw, ha, hem), people well-to-do in the world (hem). He seems an uncommonly good-natured old fellow— rattles ;ind talks at a tremendous rate ; but really I can hardly fairly give an opinion upon their other qualifications U-mn the very little I saw." •' How many can-iages had they .P " inquired Mrs. Barnington. " One, with a pair, but they came by the train ; they will probably have more cominf? l»y the road." " Many servants ? " A FAMILY DINNER 121 " Not many, I think. Perhaps they are coniinj? by the road too." " What are the women like H " " The old lady seems a monstrous ^ood-natiu-ed, round- about, motherly soi-t of body, neither very genteel nor yet altof^ether vidgai — a fair average woman in fact- charitable, flannel-petticoat, soup-kitchen sort of woman. —This is capital mutton— never tasted better. By the way. Mr. Bamiugton, did yoii ever eat any Dartmoor mutton? it certainly is the test and sweetest in the world, and this is as like it as anything can possibly be." ■■ No."' was all the answer Mr. Bamingtou vouchsafed our hero, who, l^ent on turning the conversation, and nothing disconcerted, immediately addressed himself to his hostess, with, " Beautiful part of the country — fine scenei-y — should like to live there — people so unaffected and hosititable — ask you to dine and sleep — no puddling your way home through dirty lanes in dark nights. The view from ^Ether rocks on the edge of Duumore, most magnificent— tliere's a fine one also on the road between Exeter and Tivei-ton— and near Honiton too — what food that coimtry would afford your splendid pencil. Mrs. Barnington. I know no one so competent to do justice to tlie scenery as yourself," and thereupon the Cajitain puckered his face into one of his most insinuating grins. Mrs. Baniington went on eating her " rol ait rent,'' inwardly resolving to know all about the Jorrocks's without comi)romising one jot of her dignity. Tlie conversation then took a bi-isk and rapid range over many tojjics and to divers places — Bath, Chelten- ham, Brighton, Tunbridge Wells, were all Adsited in succession, but at last Mrs. Barnington fairly landed the Captiiin back at Handlcy Cross. " I suppose we shall be having a l>ail here soon, shani't we. Captain?" imiuired hIip. "Tliat (h-pciidH upon Mrs. Barnington," replied the obsequious M.C. in tlif lnnnlili'sl (one. "If you are so diHi>osed there's no doulit of our liaviug one. My l)all at present stands first on the list, and that will tiike plafte to-moiTow fortnight." "Oil, I forgot your ball entirely -tr\ii- oli dear, nol I shouldn't wish for one before that it niiglit interfere with yours. Of course you will send nie live tickets." Tiie Cai)tain bowed in'ofoundly, for this as mu<'li as Mairl there would Ije a five-i>ound not^- coming. '" I liope you will have a good one," added h\\<;. "There will most |)rol)al>ly be some new comers by that time to amuse one 122 HANDLKY CROSS ■witli tlioiv sti'iiiig'e faces and queer ways. — I wonder if the Hurvoc'ks's will go ? " The idea at that momeut Hashed across the Captain's mind too, and a prophetic thought assuring him they would, he determined to grapple with the sul>ject instead of fighting shy, and ventui-ed boldly to predict they would, and once more essayed to smooth their passage to Mi's. Bai'uington's patronage. " Oh, I have no earthly objection to them, I assure you, I can have none to people I never either saw or heard of. Of coui-se, if they have lettei's of introduction I shall call upon them — if not, and ytni assure me, oi- rather convince me, of their respectability. I shall notice them the same as I do other people who come here as strangers." "Very much obliged indeed," replied the Captain, feeling all the time that he was "' thanking hei' for nothing." — " They are, I believe, highly res]jectable. She, I uudei'stand, is the daughter of a gentleman who was about the court of King George the Third. The yoving lady is very pretty, and Jorrocks himself really seems a very excellent old fellow." " What, yoii are talking about Mr. JoiTOcks. are you?" inquired Mr. Barnington, looking up from his "omelette" with an air of sudden enlightenment on his coimtenance. " Why yes, Solomon ! " replied his loving spouse, " who did you think we were talking about ? " " Why you called them HoiTOcks ! how was I to knoAv who you meant ? " " How were tjon to know who we meant ? why what matter does it make whether you know or not? Take the cheese away, Mountford, and don't make this room smell like a beer-shop." " Stay ! I want some," interposed Mr. Bai-nington. " Then take it into your master's room," replied Mrs. Barnington. " Go and stuft' yourself thei-e as much as you like ; and send for yoiu- friend HoiTocks, or JoiTocks, or whatever you call him, to keep you company."' And after an evening of this agreeable dog and cat-iug, A^aried with occasional intercessions for the JoiTocks family, the gallant Captain at length made liis adieus and retired to his confectioners'. We will now see what oui- newly arrived friends are about. CHAPTER XIV MK. JORKOCKS AND HIS SECRETARY ■■ Send my Sec. here." said Mr. Jorrocks. with great dij^iity. to Smihbins. the hunlha-d of the "Drag'on"; who, in comj>liance with Doloiul's directions, was waiting to receive his orders. " Send my Sec. here." he repeated, seein;; tlie man did not catcli what lie said. "Your Sec, Sir." repeated the landlord, "it'll be your hoy, I i^resiinie i^ '" turning to the waiter, and desiring him to send the ostler to stand by the horses' heads while Mr. JoiTocks's boy came upstairs. ■■ No, not my houi/," replied Mr. JoiTocks with a frown, " so you prcfi'iiu'.s A\Tong.'' '■ Your maid, thon!-'" inquired the sharp waiter, think- ing to hit what his master had missed. " No, nor my maid neither," was the worthy grocer's answer, — " what I want is w/y Sec, the Secretary to ui// 'unt in fact." "Oh! the Secretiiry to tlie hunt, that will be Mr. Floeceall." rejoined the landlord with a grin of satis- faction. — "Rim up to Laveuder Lane, and tell Mr. Fleoceall tliat Mi-. JoiTocks has arrived, and wishes to see him." ■■ Toll him t Mr. JijiTocks. "Now I wiints to see you uliout my 'ouuds," said Mr. .Forrocks, with an air of authority. — " Whore are they ? " "Some. I Ijclieve, arc in the kinnel, otliers are in the Vale with the various farmcr«. " r('j)lied Mr. Fleeceall. "Some in tli(! Wale I " repeated Mi'. Jorrockw with surjirise, " vy aren't they all in kennel ? you surely knew 124 handlp:y cross I was a comiii', and oup^ht not to have hacltliinfjs in tliis luigoer-mngger state.— Whose fault is it? Where's the kennel-book ? " '■ The kennel-book ? " repeated Mi-. Tleeceall with surprise. " Yes. the kennel-book ; yon know what that is, surely — the list of the "ounds. in fact." SEND JIT bKC. nEi;i;. '* Oh, I beg your jiardon— I don't think there is any regidar kennel-book--at least I never had one— all that I do is to receive the subscriptions. — wi-ite to gentlemen that are in an-ear. or are likely to sul)scribe,— tax poultry liills,- and ))revent extortion in general." "AVell, all ^vL'Vvy useful in its way," replied Mr. Jor- rocks, " but a secretary to an 'mit is exi^ected to know :\ri?. .TORrocKS and his secretary 125 all about the 'ounds too, and everything besides— at least he's no Sec. for me if he don't," added he, his eyes spark- ling with animation as he spoke. ■'Oh, I do," replied Mr. Fleeceall with trepidation. " only Captain Doleful has had all our people so Ijusy, preparing for your reception, that we i-eally have not teen able at so short a notice to make our aiTangeinents so perfect as we could wish. I know all tlie hounds well." "Then put on your 'at and come with me to the kennel. It's full moon to-night, so we needn't mind about time." Fleeceall hesitated, but seeing Mr. JoiTOcks was reso- lute, he put a good face on the matter, and Ijoldly led tlie way. As he piloted Mr. Jorrocks through sundry short cuts, he contrived to insinuate, in a casual sort of way, that things would not be in such apple-pie order as he might expect, but that a day or two would put every- thing right. Calling at Mat MaUl>y's for the key of the kennel, he enlisted young Mat into the service, desiring him to stand by and prompt him what to say ; he very soon had the new master before the rails of the kennel. The hounds raised a melodious cry as they jumped against the paling, or placed themselves l^efore the door, and anger Hew from Mr. .Torrocks's mind at tlie cheerful sound. " Get back, lioimds ! get back ! Bimncji-heU, have a care!" cried Mat, as they pushed against the door, and jjrevented it opening. "Perhaps you'll take a switch, sir," .said he, turning to Mr. Jor- rocks, and handing a hazel-rod from a line hanging on the rails beside the door. "Get back, hounds!" again he cried, and inserting his right hand with a heavy doublc-tlionged whip through an aperture between the door and tlie post, he loosened the thong, and sweeping it round anu^ng their legs, very soon cleared a space so a« to enable the luiister to enter. Mr. Jorrocks then sti-utted in. The kfnncl was ([uite of the primitive order, but dry and airy withal. It consiKted of two rf)oms, while the feeding-troughs in the half-flagged yard nhowr^d that the liound.s dinol out of floors. A <etter nor foUow the example o' tlie Leamington lads, who string up all the tradespeople with the amount of tlieir subscriptions in the shops and pul>lic places. It's clearly the duty of every man to suV)scribe to a pack of 'ounds — even if he has to bon-ow the money. ' No tick,' mind, must be the order of tlic day ; and every Saturday night you must come to me Avith your book, and I .shall allow you two glasses of spirit and water whilst we over- haul the accounts. Yoii must be all alive, in fact. Not an 'o88 must die in the district without your knowin' of it -you must 'avo the nose of a wultur, with the know- ledge of a knacker. Should you make an 'api)y "it (hit) and get one with some (/u in him, I'll let you use him yourseK until we wants him for the ])oik'r. In the field, a good Sec. ought always to be ready to leap first over any awkward jilace, or cat able to get a good Sec.'s place from tJie character I shall give you. "Now, here we are at the 'Dragon' again.— Como u))-stairs and I'll make you a<'quaiii)«'d witli your missis," saying which, Mr. .forrocks led the way, and was met on 128 nANDLEY CROSS tho landiiio- l^y the knock-kneed, ^reasy-eolkivod wiiitev, Avlio ushered them into the room, where Mrs. Jorrocks and Belinda, fatignied with the doings of the day, had laid themselves down on a couple of sofas, waiting for the return of Mr. Jori'ocks to have their tea. " This he my Sec," said Mr. Jorrocks to liis sponse, with the air of a man introducing a party for whom there is no occasion to put oneself out of the way. Mrs. JoiTOcks, who had bolted up at the opening of the door, gave a sort of half bow, and ru]»1jing her eyes and yawn- ing, very quietly settled herself again on the sofa. Tea jjassed away, when the ladies having retired, Mr. Jor- rocks and Fleeceall very soon found out that they had a taste in common, viz. — a love of l)randy and water, wherewith they sat diluting themselves until the little hours of the morning, in the coui'se of which carouse, Fleeceall dexterously managed to possess himself of every jjarticle of his worthy patron's history and affairs. How much he had in the funds, how much in Exchequer bills, how much in railways, and how much in the Glol)e Insui-ance Office. A page or two from Mr. Jon-ocks"s Journal, which he has kindly placed at our disposal, will perhaps Ijest elucidate the doings of the early days of his reign over the Handley Cross fox-hounds. " Saturday. — Awoke with desperation 'ead ach — 'Dragon' brandy carn't be good — Dreamed the Lily- vite-sand train had run off with me, and chiicked me into the channel — Called to Binjimin — the boy snorin' sound asleep ! — only think, snorin' sound axJeep, the weiTy moniin' after comin' down to whip into a pack of fox-'ounds— fear he has no turn for the chase. Pulled his ears, and axed him what he was snorin' for. Swore lie wasn't snorin' ! Never heard a boy of his size tell such a lie in my life. Rigged for 'unting, only putting on my hat 'stead of my cap,— and on 'orseback by day- light — Xerxes fidl of fun— Arterxerxes dullish— Bin. rode the latter, in his new tops and spurs — 'Now,' said I to Bin. as we i-ode to the kennel, ' you are hentering upon a most momentous crisis — If you apply yourself diligently and assiduously to your callin', and learn to be useful in kennel, and to cheer the 'ounds with a full melodious woice — such a woice, in fact, as the tall lobstei'-merchant with the green plush breeches and big calves, that comes along our street of a still evenin", with his basket on his 'ead, cryin' ' LoB-.sYf-rv .' fine \iO^-sters ! ' has, there is no sayin' but in course of time MR. .TORROCKS AND HIS SECRETARY 129 yon may an-ive at the distiiiguislied "onoiir of veadin' an account of your doin's 'n\ JieJ I' -f Life ov ihp Field : lail if you persist in playin' at marbles, chuck farthin", and flyin" kites, 'stead of attendin" in tlie stal^le. I'll send you lack to the charity school from whence you came, where you'll he rul)l;>ed down twnce a day with an oak towel, and kept on chick-weed and f^runsell like a canary bird.— mark my words if I von't." " Found Mat Maltby at the kennel weshin' the flags with a new broom, and "issing for 'ard life — wery curious it is. wet or dry, soft or 'ard, these chaps always 'iss. 'Oiuids all delighted to see me — stood up in my stiiTups looking over the rails, 'olloain', cheerin'. and talkin' to them. Yoicks Dexterous I Yoicks Luckey-lass ! Yoicks Rallywood ! G-ood dog. Threw bits of l>iscuit as near each of them as I could pitch them, callin' the 'ounds by name, to let them see that I knew them — Some caught it in their mouths like Hindian jiigglers — 'Let 'em out, Mat,' at last ci'ied I. when l>ack went the bolt, open went the door, and out they rushed full cry. like a l)ent-up 'umcane, tearin' do^vii Hex worthy Sti'eet into Jireth Place, through Moniington Crescent, by the Bramber Promenade into tlio High Street, and down it with a crash and melody of sweet mu.sic; that roused all the old water-drinkin' maids from their pillows, gal- vanised the watchmen, astonished the gas-light man, who was making way for daylight, and reg'larly rousing the whole inhabitants of the place. ■' Clapt spurs to Xerxes and arter them, holloain' and crackin' my whii^. l>ut deuce a bit did they 'eed me — on tliey went I stems n\) and 'eads too. towliu', and howlin', and chirpin', as though they had a fox afore them. But<-her8' dogs, curs, setters, mastiffs, mongi-ela of all sorts and sizes, flew out as tliey went, some joinin' cry, othei'S won^in' and fightin' their way, but still the body of tlie pack kept movin' onward at a splittin' pace, down the London Road, as wild as hawks, without turning to the right or the left, imtil they all ilew, like a flock of 1>igeon8. clean out of sight. ' Oh, dear ! oh, dear I ' cried '.pullin'up, fairly exhausted, at the third mile stone, by the cross-roafls from f'adger's House ;i7id Knowllon. 'I've lost my 'ounds, and I'm niinod for ever.' 'Blow your 'om !' cried a countryman who was sittin' on the stone, 'they arc not far aft>re yon, and the dogs not far afore them : ' Imt blow me tight, I was so blown myself, that I couldn't raise a puft" -easier to IjIow one's 'orse than one's 'om. To add to my grief and infinite K 130 HANDLEY CROSS moi-tification, Biujiuiiii came poxindin' and clatterin' along- the hard road, holloain' out as he went, 'Buy ljOii-sh>r-r .' fine JjOB-s/er-r-r !' " The pack had turned dovn\ Greenford Tjane. and I .iofjged after them, sorely puzzled, and desperate per- plexed. On I went for a mile or more, when the easterly breeze bore the 'ounds'.. cry on its winpfs, and pushin' forward, I came to a corner of the road, where the beauties had thrown up short before an Italian plaster of Paris poll-pari-ot merchant, who, tray on head, had the whole pack at bay around him. liellowin' and howlin' as though they would eat him. ' Get round them, Binjimin,' cried I, 'and flog- them away to me,' and takin' out my 'orn, I blew for 'ard life, and what with view halloas, and cheerin', and coaxin', with Bin. at their stems, succeeded in gettin' most of them back to MT^. JORROCKS ANT> HTS SECRETARY 131 their kpiinel. Plaster of Paris poll-]iarrot merchant followed all the way, indulcin' in frightful faces and an unknown tongue." The Journal then hranches off into a uieni. of what he did at breakfast in the eating line, how he paid liis l)ill at the "Dragon." after disputing the brandy items, adding that though attendance was charged in the l)ill, the servants all evinced a disposition to shake hands with him at parting, which he thought was making matters worse instead of 1>etter. He also recorded how he moved to Diana Lodge, which he did not find quite so commodious as he expected. The day's entry closes with a mem. that he had stewed beef-steaks for dinner. "Sunday. — Up by cock-crow, and into the kennel. Dexterous and Mercuiy lieen fightin' about a bone, and Mercuiy got a blooropriety of leavin" bones al>out. Made Bin. call over the ounds by name, double-thongin' him when he made a mistake. " Mrs. Jorrocks in a desperation fidget to get to chiu-ch. Never know'd hei- so keen afoi-e. Seci-et out — got a new gowni. and a bonnet like a market gardener's flower- Viasket. Witli all her keenness contrived to start just as the bells gave over ringin' — Beadle, in blue and gold. witli a cocked 'at on his head, and a white wand in his hand, received us at the door, and handed us over to the sextf)n. in deej) blue, bound witli l)lack velvet, who j)araded us up the 'isle, and placed us with much clattei'iii' in the sejit of lumour just afore the pul))it. Church desperate full, and every eye turned on the iM.F.H. — Mi-8. J. thought they were lookin' at her! poor deluded body. Belinda, dressed in lavender, and lookin" we rrj- wholesome. Lessons ]y daylight. Binjimin, as nsiial, to be kicked awake. The bony seems to take no intei-est in the thing. Fear all the lickin' in the world von't drive a i)assion for the chase into him. Threatened to cut his coat into ribbons on his back, if he didn't look lively. Mat Maltby recommended tlie "ounds to be coupled this time — condescended to take his advice. Told Bin. not to cry ' boil'd ILo^-.sters ' as he did on Satiu-day, l:mt to sing out in a cheerful voice, rich and melodious, I>7,-c the boiled-lobster merchant. Axed what to sing out ? Whj', ' get on 'ounds,' ven 'ounds 'ang (hang) back, and ' gently there ! ' when they gets too far forward, said I. Put Xerxes's liead towards kennel door this time, instead of from it. Worth a golden sovereign of any man's money to see 'oimds turn out of kennel. Sicli a cry ! sich music ! old Dexterous jumped up at Xei-xes. and the hanimal all but kicked me over his 'ead. Pack gathered roinid me, some jnmpin' up against the 'oss's side, others standin' bayiu", and some lookin' anxiouslj^ in my face, as much as to say, which way this time, Mr. Joi'rocks ? Took them a good long strong trot to the pike, near Smarden, and round by Billingln-ook, letting them see the deer in Chidfold Park. Quite steady — make no doubt they will be a werry su])erior jiack in less than no time — make them as handey as ladies' maids, — do everything but pay their own pikes in fact. Wonder Doleful don't ride out. Keen sportsman like him, one would think would like to see the 'ounds." The Journal ])roceeds in this strain for two or three days more, Mr. JoiTOcks becoming Ijetter satisfied with his pack each time he had them out. On the Friday, he determined on having a bye-day on the following one, for which purpose he ordered his secretary to be in attendance, to show him a likely find in a country where he would not disturb many covers. Of course the meet was to be kei)t strictly private, and of <;ourse, like all '■ strict secrets," Fleeceall took care to tell it to half the ]dace. Still, as it was a " peep-of-day affair," publicity did not make much matter, inasmuch as few of the Handley Cross gentry loved hunting better than their beds. Fleeceall's situation was rather one of difficulty, for he had never been out liunting but once, and that once MR. JORROCKS AND HIS SECRETARY 133 MK. JOKHOCKS CAI-LIWO llEKJAMIIT was in a the ticking of the ing the coping, but bi-inging Ben right on to his shoulder-" Hoff, for a fi' pun note! liott" for a guinea 'at to a Gossamer!" ex- claimed Mr. Jon-ocks, eyeing his whipper-in's efllorts to regain the saddle. — A friendly chuck of Xerxes's head uflsists his endeavours, and Ben scrambles back to his place. A gate on the left let Mr. Jonocks out of cover, on to a good sound sward, which lie prepared to take advantage of }>y getting Art**rxerxes short by the head, rising in liis stirnips, and hustling him along as hard as ever he could lay legs to the ground. An oi)en gate at the top fed the flame of his eagemess, and, not l>eing afraid of the inw:e so long as there wtis no leaping, JoiTocks Hcnt liim spluttering through a swede turnip field as if it was pasture. Now sitting plum in his saddle, he gathered his gi-eat whip tog'-ttier, and pro- ceeded to rib-roast Arterxei-xes in the most Humniary manner, calling him a great, lurching, rolling, lumbei-ing 1>eggar, vowing that if lie didn't lay himself out and go 136 HANDLEY CROSS as he ouKht, he'd " boil him when he got 'ome." So he jei-ked and jagged, and kicked and spurred, and hit and lield, making Indifferent progress comi^ared to his exer- tions. The exciting cry of hounds sounded in front, and now passing on to a very heavy, roughly jjloughed upland, our master saw the hind-quai-ters of some half- dozen horses, the riders of which had been in the secret, disappearing througli the high quick fence at the top. "' Dash my vig, 'ere's an imawoidable leap, I do believe," said he to himself, as he neared the headland, and saw no way out of the field but over the fence— a boundary one; " and a werry hawkward place it is too," added he, eyeing it intently, '' a yawnin' blind ditch, a hugly quick fence on the top, and may be, a plough or 'arrow turned teeth liu])permost, on the far side. " Oh, John JoiTocks, Jolm Jorrocks, my good frind, I wishes you were well over with all my 'eai-t — teri'i))le place, indeed ! Give a guinea 'at to Ije on the far side," so saying, he dismoiuited, and pulling the snaffle-rein of the bridle over his horse's head, he knotted the lash of his ponderous whip to it, and very quietly slid down the ditch and climbed up the fence, '" who-a-ing " and crying to his horse to " stand still," expecting every minute to have him atop of him. The taking-on place was wide, and two horses having gone over before, had done a little towards cleai-ing the way, so having gained his equilibrium on the toi>, Mr. JoiTOcks began jerking and coaxing Arterxerxes to induce him to follow, pulling at him much in the style of a school-boy who catches a log of wood in fishing. " Come hup ! my man." cried Mr. JoiTOcks, coaxingly, jerking the rein; but Arterxerxes only stuck his great resolute fore legs in advance, and pulled the other way. " Gently, old fellow ! " cried he, " gently, Ai-terxerxes, my bouy ! " dropping his hand, so as to give him a little more line, and then trying what effect a jerk would have, in inducing him to do what he wanted. Still the horse stood v.ith his great legs before him. He appeai'ed to have no notion of leaping. Jorrocks began to wax angry. " Dash my vig, you hugly biiite ! " he exclaimed, grinning with rage at the thoughts of the nin he was losing, ■■ dash my vig, if you don't mind what you're arter, I'll get on your back and bury my spurs i' your sides. Come Hup! I say, you hugly beast!" roared he, giving a tremendous jerk of the rein, upon which the horse flew hack, pulling Jon-ocks downwards in the MR. JORROCKS AND HIS SECRETARY 137 mu.idy ditch. Arterxerxes then threw up his heels and ran away, whip and all. Meanwhile, our baf^niau played his part eallantly. running three-quarters of a ring, of three-quarters of a mile, chiefly in view, when, feeling exliausted, he threw liimself into a furze-patch, near a farmyard, where Dauntless very soon had him 1:)y the back, but the smell of the aniseed, with which he had been plentifvilly mVjl>ed. disgusting the hound, he chucked him in the air and let him fall back in the bush. Xerxes, who had lioiTie Ben gallantly before the body of the pack, came tearing along, like a poodle with a monkey on his back, when, losing the cry of hoimds. the horse suddenly stopped short, and off flew Benjamin beside the fox, who, all wild with fear and rage, seized Ben by the nose, who ran about with the fox hanging to him, yelling, "Miu-der! murder! murder!" for hard life. And to crown the day's disasters, wlien at length our fat friend got his horse and his hounds, and his damaged Benjamin scraped together again, and re-entered Handley Cross, he was yelled at, and hooted, and rid coat ! rid coat ! — ed V)y the children, and made an object of \mmerited ridicule by the fair but rather unfeeling l)ortion of the populace. ■' Lauk ! here's an old cha]j been to Spilsby ! " shouted Betty Lucas, the mangle-woman, on getting a view of his great mud-stained back. " /{o'j( ! he's always tumblin' off, tliat 'ard chaj)," resijonded Mrs. Hardljake, the itinerant lolly-])Op seller, wlio was now waddling along with lier tray before her. ^^ "Sich old fellers have no business out a hvmtin' ! " obsei-ved Miss Rauipling, the dressmaker, as she stood Htaring, bonnet-box on arm. Then a marble-playing group of boys suspended oi^erations to give JoiTocks three clieers ; one, more forwai-d than the rest, exclaiming, as he eyed Arterxerxes, ■' A ! wliiit a shal)t>y tail I A ! wliat a shabliy tail !" Next as he jjasHcd the Barley-mow IxM-r-sliop, Mrs. (iallon, the landlady, who was nursing a child at the door, exclaimed across the street, to Blash, the l)arlK'r'8 pretty but rather wordy wife— " A-a— a! ar say Fanny :-o!d Fatty's had a fall ! " To which Mrs. Blash replied witli a scornful toss of her lif-ad, at our now admiring friend " Hul ! he's always on his back, that old feller." " Not 'alf HO often as you are, old gal ! " retoi-ted the now indignant Mr. Jorrocks, spurring on out of hearing. CHAPTER XV THK COCKNEY WHIPPER-IN " When will your hounds he going out agaiu tliink ye, Mr. Benjamin?" inquired Samuel Slronpr, a country servant of all work, lately arrived at Handley Cross, as they sat round the saddle-room fire of the "Dragon Inn " j^ard, in company with the persons hereafter enumerated, the day after the I'un described in the last chapter. Samuel Strong was just the sort of man that would he Samuel Strong. Were his master to ring his bell, and desire the waiter to tell the " Boots " to send his servant " Samuel Strong " to him, Boots would pick Sam out of a score of servants, without ever having seen him before. He was quite the southern- hound breed of domestics. Large-headed, almost lop-eared, red-haired (long, coarse, and uneven), fiery whiskers, making a complete fringe i-ound his hai-vest moon of a face, with a short thick nose that looked as though it had been sat upon lay a heavy j)erson. In stature he was of the middle height, square built, and terribly clumsy. Nor were the defects of natiu-e at all comiter-balanced by the advantages of dress, for Strong was clad in a rural suit of livery, consisting of a footman's moniing jacket of dai'k grey cloth, \vith a stand-uj) collar, plentifully besprinkled with large brass Ijuttons, with raised edges, as though his master were expect- ing his crest from the herald's college. Moreover, the jacket, either from an original detect in its con- sti-uction, or from that propensity to shrink, which infei-ior clothes unfoi-tunately have, had so contracted its dimensions that the waist-buttons were half-way up Samuel's back, and the lower ones were just where the top ones ought to be. The shrinking of the sleeves THE COCKNEY WHIPPER-IN 139 placed a pair of larj^e berviceable-lookiiig hands iu nervously strikinl>l.l. KUOM full four inchea bely the deference usually paid by country servants to London ones. Like all inn saddle-rooms, the " Dragon " one was somewhat contracted in its dimensions, and what little there was, was rendered less, by sundry sets of harness hanging against the walls, and divers saddle-stands, boot-trees, knife-cleaners, broken pitchforks, and l)ottles Avitli candles in their necks, scattered i^romiscxiously around. Nevertheless, there was a fire, to keep " hot water ready," and above the fire-place were sundiy smoke-dried hand-bills of country horses for the by- gone season — " Jumj^ei — Clever Clumsy — Barney Bodkin — Billy Button, &c." — while logs of wood, three-legged stools, and inverted liorse-pails, served the i^lace of chairs around. On the boiler side of the fire, away from the door — for no one has a gi-eater regard for No. 1 than himself — sat the renoAATied Benjamin Brady, in a groom's drab frock coat, reaching down to his heels, a sky-blue waistcoat, patent cord breeches, with grey worsted stockings, and slii:)pers, airing a pair of very small mud-stained top- boots before the fire, occasionally feeling the scratches on his face, and the Ijites the fox inflicted on his nose the previous day — next him, sat the "first pair hvy out," a grey-headed old man of sixty, whose jacket, breeches, Ijoots, entire person, in fact, were concealed by a long brown hoUand thing, that gave him the appearance of sitting booted and spvirred in his night-shirt. Then came the ostler's lad, a boy of some eight or nine yeai-s old, rolling about on the flags, inlaying with the saddle- room cat; and, immediately before the fire, on a large inverted horse-pail, sat Samuel Strong, while the circle was made out by Bill Brown (Dick the ostler's one-eyed helper), "Tom," a return post-boy, and a lad who assisted Bill Brown, the one-eyed helper of Dick the ostler — ^'hen Dick himself was acting the part of assistant waiter in the "Dragon," as was the case on this occasion. THE COCKKEY WHIPPER-IN 141 '•When will yom- hounds be going ont again think ye, Mr. Benjamin P" was the question put by Samuel Strong, to our sporting Leviathan. " "Ang me if I knows," replied the boy. with th<> utmost impoi-tance, turning his top-lwots before the fire. " It's precious little consequence, I thinks, ven we goes out again, if that gallows old governor of ours per- sists in \mting the 'ounds himself. I've all the work to do ! Bless ve, we should have lost "oiinds, fox, and all, yesterday, if I hadn't rid like the werry wengeance. See 'ow I've" scratched my mug," added he, turning up a vei-y pa.sty and much scratched countenance. "If I'm to 'imt the ounds. and risk my neck at every stride, I must have the wages of a 'untsmau, or blow me tight, as the old 'un says, he may suit himself." •• Whafn a chap is your old gen'lcman ? "" inquired the "first pair boy out," who, having been in the service himself, where" he might have remained if he could have kept sober, had still a curiosity to know how the world of servitude went on. ■'Oh, hang'd if I knows," replied Benjamin, "precious rum 'un I assure you. Whiles, he's well enough— then it's Bin this, and Bin that, and Bin you'll be a werry great nuin, IBiu, and such like gammon; and then the next minute, p'r'aps. he's in a reg'lar sky-blue, swearin' he'll cut my liver and lights out, or bind me apprentice to a fiddler- Init then I knows the old fool, and he knows he canit do without me. so we just battle on the best way we can together," added Ben, with a knowing toss of liis head. "You'll have good wage I s'pose," rejoined Samuel, with a sigh, for liis "govemor" only gave him ten pounds a year, and no perquisites, or "■ stealings" as the Americans honestly call them. "Precious little of that I assure you," replied Ben- jamin— "at least the old warment never pays me. He swears he i)ays it to our old 'oniiin; Init I believe he pockets it iiimself, an old ram ; but I'll liave a reckcming witli him some of these odd days, or I'll be oft" to the diggins. What'n a Vilackgiiard's your miister?" now asked Ben. thinking to get some information in rotuni. " Hush ! " replied Sanuiel. astonished at Ben's freedom of speech, a tiling iKjt altf)gctlier understood in the country. "Abad'un I'll ]xi bund," continued the little rascal, "or ho wouldn't see you mooning iibout in such ii nnn- busticjil apology for a coat, with l:i|js tiiat scarce cover M-2 HANBLEY CROSS you decently ; " reaching: behind the aged post-boy, and t.akmii> his slioulders at i\u' recollection of it, and dealing tlif \o\\ bars of the gi'ate out witli his toe. "They tell me your old govei-nor fntnbli'd olf." con- tinued Joe, " and lost liis 'osh." " Werry like." replied Benjamin with a grin, "he generally does tnmhle h'on ; ' ho, accordingly, I got down, and up he climbed. 'Let out the stirrups four 'oles,' .said he, cpiite consequential. KhuHling liimself into his seat; ' Vot, you've cotched the fox 'avc ye H " said he, lookin' at the brush danglin' through the 'ead stall. ' Yes,' says I t<^) him. says I, ' we've rotclicd him.' Tlien vot do you tliink says lie U> me!' Vy. says he to me, says he, ■ Then cotch my 'oss,' and awiiy the old wagrant went, 'osa, 'ounds, bmsh, and all, tellin' everybody he met as how he'd cotclied the fox, and leavin' me to run about tlie plouyliod land after his groat h.-iirv-lif^l'd nag.— My tf>j)s baiiit ilry vot and never will. 1 tliink. " iidded Benjaiiiin. putt ing thorn closer to the fire, and giving it ajiotlicr poke with his toe. L 146 HANDLET CROSS " What'xi "osses does lie keep?" inquired the return ))Ost-boy. " Oh, precious rips, I assure you. and no mistake. Bless your 'eart, our old chap knows no more about an "oss tluui an 'oss knows about him, but to hear him talk — Oh, Crikey ! doesn't he give them a good character, especial ven he vants to sell vun. He von't take no one's adwice neither. Says I to him t'other mornin' as he was a feelin' of my 'oss's pins. ' That 'ere 'oss would be a precious sight better if j^ou'd l)lister and tuni him out for the rinter." * Blister and turn him o\it for the vinter ! you little rascal,' said he, lookin' as though he would eat me, ' I'll cut off your 'ead and sew on a button, if you talks to me about blisterin'.' Says I to him, says T, ' You're a thorough-bred old hidiot for talking as you do, for there isn't a grum in the world * what doesn't swear by blisters ! ' I'd blister a cork leg if I had one," added Benjamin, "so would any grum. Blisterin' against the world, says I, for everything except the worms. Then it isn't his confoiuided stupidity only that one has to deal with, but he's such an unconscion- able old screw about feeding of his 'osses — always sees every feed put afore them, and if it waiii't for the matter of chopped inions (onions) that I mixes with their com, I really should make nothing out of my stable, for the old 'iin pays all his own bills, and orders his own stuff, and ven that's the case those base mechanics of tradesmen never stand nothin' to no one." " And what do you chop the onions for, Mr. Ben- jamin .^ " inquired Samuel Strong. " Chop inions for ! " exclaimed Ben, with astonish- ment. " and is it possible that you've groAvn those gi-eat fiery viskers on either side of your chuckle head and not be hup to the chopped inion rig? My eyes, but you'll never be able to keep a gal, I think ! Vy, you double-distilled fool — " " Come, sir," inteiTui^ted Samuel, again doubling his enonnous fist, that would almost have made a head for Benjamin, amid a general roar of laughter, " keep a clean tongue in your head, or I'll knock your teeth down your throat." " Oh, you're a man of that description, are you ! " ex- claimed Benjamin, pretending to be in a fri^'ht, ''you don't look like a dentist either somehow — poor hignorant hass. Vy the chopped inion rig be just this — you * Benjntnin spoke truth there, for let a jroom be ever 60 ignorant, he can always recommend a blister. THE COCKNEY WHIPPER-IN 147 11) list advance a small brown out of your own pocket to buy an inion. and chop it wen-y small. Then s'pose yoiu' chemist and di-ufrgrist chap gives his "oss four feeds a day (vich I s'pose will be three more nor he does), and .sees the grain given, which some wicked old warmints ■^vill do, you take the sieve, and after shakin" the com, and hissin' at it weU, just take half a handful of chopped inion out of your jacket pocket, as you pass up to the 'oss's 'ead. and scatter it over the who'ats, then give the sieve a shake, and tiu-n the whole into the manger. The governor seeing it there, ^vill leave, quite satisfied that the "oss has had his dues, and ijerhaps may get you oxit of the stable for half an houi- or so, but that makes no odds, when you goes back you'll find it all tliere, and |K)ulterer8 like it none the worse for the smell of the inions. That, and pickin' ofE postage-stamps, is about the only i)aniuisite I has." " Now, Mr. Von-eye," said he, turning to Bill Brown, the one-eyed helper, "' is it time for my 'osses to have their bucket of water and kick in the ribs ? "' The time for this luxurious repast not having arrived, Benjamin again composed himself in his corner with his jjipe, and the pai-ty sat in mute astonishment at his wonderful precocity. The retm-n post-boy (whose time was jjrecious) at length broke silence, by asking Benjamin if he was living with liis first master. _"L>ced am 1,"" replied Ben, knocking the ashes out of his pipe, "and had I known as much of sarvice as I does now, I'd have stayed at school all my life-Do wJiat tliey will at school, they carn't make you larn. and there's always |)lenty of jtlaytime. ('rikey, "ow well I iviiK'inhers the li'. full of pi-ide, and I thought rather muzzy, for he bumi)e(l first agin ono stall ami thcu agin another, so says J to liiui. says I, ' Please, sir. I vants for to go to the Veils this evening.' "'To the Veils!' repeated he. staring with astonish- ment- 'To the Veils :-Wot Veils I--' 150 HANDLBY CROSS " ' Bagnie hotli fri'iim and butler. Here 'ave I l^een a cleanin' your useless screws of bosses, and wesliing yom- hugly chay till I'm fit to faint, in horder that I might have' a night of enjoyment to myself, and then you wants me to can-y vater to your nasty old boiler. A man should have double wage, 'stead of none at all, to stand such vork.' '"'Ow do you mean none at all?' said he, grinnin" with anger, "dosn't I pay youi- old mother a sovereign annually four times a-year ? ' " ' Vofs that to me ? ' said I, ' my mother don't do your work, does she ? ' " • Dash my vig ! " said he, gettin' into a reglar blaze. ' You little ungrateful "ound, I'll dro^\ai you in a bucket of barley water.* and so we got on from bad to worse. until he swore he'd start me, and get another bo«y from the Corderoy's. '"Quite unanimous,' said I, 'quite unanimous, in coui-se you'll pay up my wages afore I go, and that will save me the trovible of taking of you to Hicks Hall' At the weiTj' word. 'Hicks Hall,' the old gander turned quite gi-een and began to soften. ' Now, Binjimin,' said he, " that's werry unkind o' you. If you had the Hen and Chickens comin' to take their pumpaginous aqua (which he says is French for tea and coffee) with you, and yf)U wanted your boiler carried, you'd think it werry imkiud of Batsey if she wouldn't give you a lift ! ' Then he read a long lector about doing as one would be done ))j, and all that sort of gammon that Mai-tin used to cram us with of a Sunday. Till at last it ended in his givin' me a half-crown to do what ho wanted, on the understand in' tliat it was none of my vork, and I says that a chaj) wot does everything lie's bid, like that suckin' Sampson there." eyeing Samuel Strong witli the most ineffable contempt, "is only fit to be a tinker's jack-afiH." Samuel looked as though he would annihilate the boy as soon as he made uj) liis mind whore to hit him. and Br-njamin. umonscious of all danger, stooped, and gave the ctoni.il tf)j)8 another t\ini. "We never heard nothin' of your comin' until (liree days afore you cast uj)." observed Bill Brown, with a i)road grin on his countenance at Bpnjnmin's audacity and Sauiuel's anger. " It wern't w^ny likely that you should," replied Ben- jamin, looking un. "for as "ow we jiadji't got our own consent much afore that. Our old cove is a reg'lar ]r)2 HANDLEY CROSS wovd-and-a-Llow man. If he does, he does, and if he don't, wliy he lets it ulone. Give the old 'un his dvie. he's none o' your talkin' chaps, wot's always for doin' somethin' only they don't. He never promised me a cow-hidin' yet, but he paid it with interest. As soon as ever he got the first letter, I know'd there was somethin' good in the wind ; for he gave me half a pot of his best marmeylad, and then a few days after he chucked me a golden sovereign, tellin' me, go and buy a pair of new tops, or as near new as I could get them for the money." " And what did you pay for them ? " inquired both post-boys at once, for the price of top-boots is always an interesting subject to a stable-servant. " Guess ! " replied Benjamin, holding them up, adding, "mind, they are nothing like now what they were when I bought them ; the Jew told me, though it don't do to believe above half what those gents tell you, that they belonged to the Markiss of Castlereagh's own tiger, and that he had parted with them because they didn't wrinkle in quite as many folds as his Majesty wished. Here was the fault," continiied Benjamin, holding one of the boots upon his hand and pressing the top down- wards to make it wi-inkle. " Ton see it makes but eight wrinkles between the top and the 'eel, and the Markiss's gen'lman swore as how he would never be seen in a pair wot didn't make nine, so he parted with them, and as I entered 'Olyvell Street from the east, I spied them 'anging on the pegs at Levy Aaron's, that's the first Jew vot squints on the left 'and side of the w;iy, for there are about twenty of them in that street with queer eyes. " ' Veskit ! ' said he, ' vashin' veskit, wen-y sheep ; half nothiu' in fact,' just as these barkers always chan. '" No,' said I, passing on — 'You don't s'pose /wears cast-offs ! ' " ' Clow for shell,' then said he, — ' Bes'h price, bes'h price.' " ' Nor to shell neither,' said T, mimickin' of him. ' I'll swap my shoes for a pair of tops if you like.' " ' Vot viil you give in ? ' axed Levy Aaron. " ' Nothin'," said I, deteiinined to begin low enough. " ' Valk in then," said he, quite purlite, ' 'onour of your custom's quite enough,' so in I went. Such a shop ! full o' veskits covered with gold and flowers, and lace and coats, without end, with the shop sides, each as high as a hay-stack, full o' nothin' but trousers and livery breeches. THE COCKNEY WHirPER-IN 153 "'Sit down, shir,' said he. "anding- me a chair without a back, while his missis took the loner stick from behind the door with a hook, and fished do-wn several pairs of tops. They had all sorts and sizes, and all coloui-s too. Mahogany, vite, rose-colour, painted vons ; but I kept my eye on the low pair I had seen outside, till at last MVs. Levy Aaron handed them throusxh the winder. I pulls one on. •' ' Uncommon fit,' said Levy Aaron, slappin' the sole to feel if all my foot was in ; ' much better leg than the Markiss o' Castlereagh's tiger; you'll live with a Duke Ijefore you die.' '■ ' Let's have on t'other." said I. " ■ Vou's as good as both,' said he. ' Oh ! " says I, twiggin' vot he was after,—' If you thinks I'm a man to bolt with your boots, you'r mistaken; so I kicked oft" tlie one I had on, and l>id him 'and me my shoes.' Well, then he began to bargain—' Thirty shillings and the shoes.' I was weri'y angry and wouldn't treat. ' Five- and-twenty shillings without the shoes then.' Still_ I wouldn't touch. ' Give me my castor,' said I, buttonin' up my pocket with a slap, and lookin" werry wicious. ' You'r a nasty suspicious old warmint.' Then the Jew Ijegan to soften. ' 'Onour bright, he meant no offence.' ' One shovereign tlien he vod take.' ' Give me my castor,' said I. " ' Good moi-nin', Mrs. Jewaster,' which means female Jew. ' Seventeen and sixpence ! ' ' Go to the devil,' said I. ' Come tlion, fifteen shillin' and a paper bag to put them in.' 'No,' said I, 'I'll give you ten.' 'Done,' said he, and there they are. A iiice polisli they had when I got tliem, Vjut the jdoughed land has taken the shine off. Howsomever, I s'pose tliey'll toiu-h uj) again ? " ■' Not they," replied Bill Brown, who had been ex- amining one of them very minutely, "they are made of nothing but brown naper 1 " "Brown jiaper lie 'anged!" exclaimed Bcujamiu. " Your "oad's more like made of brown i)aper." '"Look there then ! " rejoined Bill Brown, i-unniiig his tlmmb tlirongli the instr-p, and diHj)l,iving tin- jirown paper tliroiigh the lifniid varnish with wl been phintifiilly smeared. " Haw, haw, haw, haw, haw, haw, haw," jjoaled the whole of the saddle-room party, in the midst of wiiich Ben bolted with his brown-pai>er boots. CHAPTER XVI SIK ABCHEY DEPBCARDE As yet our distinguished friend was in no position for taking tlie field, for tliougli he had got a pack of hounds —such as they were— he had neither huntsman to hunt them, nor horses for a hiintsman to ride if he had one. He was therefore in a very unfinished condition. Horses, however, are soon got, if a man has only money to pay for them, and a master of hounds being clearly the proper i^erson to bviy all the horses that other people want to sell. Mr. Jorrocks very soon had a gi-eat many very handsome offers of that sort. Among others he received a stifiish, jsresenting-his-compliments note from the celebrated gambler. Sir Archibald Depecarde, of Pluckwelle Park, and the Albany, London, stating that he had a vei-y fine bay horse that he modestly said was too good for his work, and which he should be glad to see in such good hands as Mr. Jorrocks's. Sir Archey, as many of our readers doubtless know— some perhaps to their cost— is a very knowing hand, always with good- looking, if not good horses, which he is ready to bai'ter, or play for, or exchange in any shape or way that con- duces to business. His recherche little dinners in the Albany are not less famous for " do's " than his more extended hospitality at Pluckwelle Park, whither he brings such of his flats as require more deliberate pre- paration and treatment than the racket of London allows. Now our friend Mr. JoiTOcks, though not exactly swallowing all the butter that was offered him, liad no objection to see if there was anything to l>e made of Sir Archey 's horse, so by way of being upsides with him in dignity, he replied as follows :— " M.F.H. John Jon-ocks presents his compliments to Sir Arciiibald Depecarde, and in reply to his favour begs to say that he will take an early hoppoi-tunity of dri\dn' over to Pluckwelle Park, to look at his quadiiiped, and SIR ARCHEY DEPECARDE 155 as the M.F.H. "ears it is a goodisli distance from Handley Cross, he will brincr his night-cap with him. for where the M.F.H. dines he sleeps, and where tlie M.F.H. sleeps he breakfasts." Sir Archey thought the answer rather cool— especially from a mere trad'^sman to a man of his great self- importance, but being of opinion that there is no account Ijetween man and man that money wiU not settle, he determined to square mutters with the M.F.H. by putting an extra =£5 or ^10 on the horse. He there- fore resolved to pocket the affront and let matters take their chance. As good as his word, one afternoon a few days after, oui- plump friend was seen na\'igatng his vehicle, drawn by a Duncan Nevin screw, along the sinuosities of Sir Archibald's avenue, in the leisurely way of a gentleman eyeing the estate, and gaining all the information he could by the way, and having an-ived at the Corinthian columned portico, where he was kept waiting longer than he liked, he was shocked to find, by tlie unlocking and unbolting of the door, that Sir Archey was " from home"— "just gone to to^\ai "—(to look af t«r a gaml)ling- house in which he had a share on the sly). "Dash my vig!" exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks. nearly stamping the bottom of the vehicle out with his foot, and thinking whetlier it was possible to tool Duncan Nevin's hack back to Handley Cross. " ^^^\ "^y "^''S" ! '" repeated he, " didn't he know I was a comin' ? " "Beg pardon, sir," replied the footman, rather abashed at tlie Jon-ocks vehemence (who he at first took for a prosjiectus man or an atlas-uionger). " Beg pardon, sir, Init I l^elieve Mrs. Markliam, sir, has a message for you, sir— if you'll allow me. sir, I'll go and see, sir." " Go," gninted Mr. Jon-ocks, indignant at the slight thus j)ut on his M.F.H. -ship. The footmaTi presently returned, followed by a very Hmilintr. comfly-looking ])ersoTiagf'. dressed in iJiu-k wilk, with sky-blue ribbons in lier jaunty little caj) nnd collar, who proceeded in a most voluble manner to exjiress with her hands, and trmgue, and eyes. Sir Archibald's regrets that he had \>fr>n suddenly summoned tf) town, adding tliat he liad left word that they \yere to make the exi)e('ted guest jls comfortMblo ;is poHsible, and show him every possible care and attention. "Ah, well, th.'ifs Huniiuat like," smiled Mi'. Jorrocks, 156 HANOLEY CROSS with a jerk of his head, thinking- wliat a good-looking woman she was. In another instant he was on the top step of the entrance beside her, giving her soft hand a sly squeeze as she prepared to help him out of his reversible coat. " Take the quad to the stable," said he to the footman, " and Ind 'em take great care on 'im " — adding, with a leer at the lady, " gave a'most a 'underd for him." So saying, hack-like, the horse was left to take its chance, while om- fat friend followed the fair lady into the lilirary. "I'll have a tire ligjited directly," observed she, looking round the spacious apartment, which, like many l)achelors' company rooms, felt ])retty innocent of fuel. " Fiddle the fire ! " exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks, '• fiddle the fire ! dessay you've got a good 'un in your room,— I'll go there." _" Couldn't for the world," whispered Mrs. Markham, with a shake of her head, glancing her large hazel eyes lovingly upon Jon-ocks. " What if Sir Archey should hear ! " "Oh, he'll never hear," rejoined our friend confidently, "Wouldn't he ?" retorted Mrs. Markham, "you don't know what servants are if you think that. Bless ye ! they watch me just as a cat watches a mouse." " Well, then, you must come in to me," observed Mr. JoiTocks, adding— "I can't be left mopin' alone, you know." "It must be after they've gone to bed, then," whispered the lady. A hurrying housemaid now apijearing with a red hot poker, Mrs. Markham drew back and changed the whispering conversation into an audible. " And please sir, what would you like to 'ave for dinner. sir ? " Oh, I don't care," shrugged Mr. JoiTocks ; " wot 'ave you got ? " " There's soup, and fish, and meat, and game, and poultry ; whatever you like to 'ave, I dare say." " Humph," mused Mr. Jorrocks, wishing the house- maid fiu-ther, •' I'll 'ave a bit o' fish, with a beef steak, and a fizzant to follow, say — " " No soup ? " obseiwed Mrs. Markham. " No ; I doesn't care nothin' 'bout soup, 'less it's turtle," replied he with a toss of his liead. "I'm afraid, there is no turtle, sir," replied Mrs. Markham, well knowing there was not. "Gravy, macaroni, mulligatawney. SIR ARCHEY DEPECARDE 157 " No, jest fish, and steak, and fizzaut,"' i*ejoined Mr. JoiTOcks, " Cod and bolster sauce, say— and p'l-aps a couple o' dozen o' holsters to begin with, — jest as a whet yon know." "Any streets .''" asked the lady significantly. " No, I'll "ave my sweets ai-ter," winked Mr. J. licking his lips. MR. JOUBOCKH I!« OI.OVKa " Open tart, apple fritters, omelette, any thing of that sort? continiu'ssbf; inliuiating witii bcr eye that the loitering lioiiHciiiaid might lioar liis answer.^^ "No; I'll fill bun the chinks wi" cheese,' replied Mr. .ron-ocks, stroking bis Htoinncb. "And wine?" asked the Injusekeeijer ; adding, "the l.iitlfr'H away with Sir Arciiey, but I ave the key (^f the cellar." 158 HANDLEY CROSS "That's all right!" exckiimed o\ir friend, adding, "I'll drink his 'ealth in a bottle of his best." " Port ? " asked Mrs. Markhani. " Port in course," replied Mr. J. with a hoist of his eyebrows, adding, " but mind I doesn't call the oldest the best — far from it — it's oftentimes the wiist. No," continued he, " give me a good fruity wine ; a wine with a grip o' the gob, that leaves a mark on the side o' the glass ; not your weak woe-lsegone trash, that would be water if it wasn't wine." "P'raps you'd like a little champagne at dinner," sxiggested Mrs. Markham. " Champagne," repeated Mr. Jorrocks thoughtfully, " Champagne ! well I wouldn't mind a little chaminigne, only I wouldn't like it hiced ; doesn't want to 'ave all my teeth set a chatterin' i' my "ead ; harn't got so inr advanced in gentility as to like my wine froze— I'm a Post Hoffice i)irectory, not a Peerage man," added he with a broad grin. " Indeed," smiled Mrs. Markham, not exactly under- standing the simile. " Folks talk about the different grades o' society," oljserved Mr. Jorrocks, with a smile and a pshaw, " but arter all's said and done there are but two sorts o' folks i' the world, Peerage folks and Post Hoffice Directoiy folks — Peerage folks, wot think it's all right and proper to do their tailors, and Post Hoffice Directory folks wot think it's the greatest sin under the sun not to pay twenty shillius i' the pund— greatest sin under the sun 'cept kissin' and then tellin'," added he, in an under tone, with a wink, as he drew his hand across his jolly lips. " Well, then, you'll have it iced," observed Mrs. Mark- Jiiim, in a tone for the housemaid to hear. " Just a few minutes' plunge in the pail, — enough to dull the glass p'raps ? " continued she. " Well," mused our friend, " as you are mistress o' the revels, I'll leave that to you, and I makes no doubt," added he, with another sly squeeze of her soft hand, now that the housemaid's back was turned, " I shall fare un- common well." And Mrs. Markham, seeing that the maid was bent on out-staying her, sailed away witli a stately air, ordering her, in a commanding tone, to "bring some wood to the fire." And Mr. Jorrocks, we need scarcely say, had a very good dinner and spent his evening very pleasantly. CHAPTER XVII THK PLUCKWELLE PRESERVES EXT luoniing, in . ^-^ . r u jj accordance with i 6i 1?/ Ii I \& , Sir Archey's in- ^ - ''•''' ' ' ^'' junctions, as Mr. Jorrocks sat at a capital breakfast, Mr. Snapshot, the keeper, sent to know if he woiikl please to go out shooting, or coursing, or rab- biting, and find- ing that the covers were near the house, and pretty full of phoasants, our M.I'.H. tliouglit he might as well have a " blaze among Vm " before he went home. Accordingly he sought Sir Archey's dressing-room, and boiTOwed a pair of his best tliick shoos and Icatlier gaiters, which, witli a fustian coat of the koepor's, made him pretty perfect, and tlie stables l>eing in the way to the kennels, he thought lie might as well see how his hack was, and look at his proposed nurchase. Accordingly, preceded by Mr. Snapsliot, lie pa.s8cd through a lofty, dcsei-ted-looking, cobw(;bby, t'li-stallod stiible, with a two-stalled one beyond, in which were a couple of Hhnoting iiouics, of which Mr. Snapshot spoke approvingly; tlion crossing the central passage, they traversed another two-stall, and entered upon a somewhat better conditioned corre- sjjonding stable to the ten. First there stood Mr. Joirocks's hundred-guinea horse, wifii a wiotclicd f)M rag of a nig over it, tlien a jtiiir of Ijctter-clothed browns that Suajjshot alluded to as '" our 160 HA.NDLEY CROSS 'cage 'orses"; then, as Mr. Jorrocks 'ipssed on to a brisrht bang-tailed bay beyond, thinking that woidd be his friend, Snapshot seized him suddenly by the arm, with a " take care of "am, sir ! take care ! — He'll kick ye to a certainty ! " " Wot, he's wicious. is he ? " observed Mr. Jon-ocks coolly, eyeing the now Avell laid-back ears and exuberant white of the eye. " Most vicious Ijnite alive ! '" i-eplied Mr. Snapshot. " If he was to get you oft", he'd stand considerin' whether he should kick out your right eye or your left.'' "/«-deed," mused Mr. JoiTOcks — "ijleasant 'oss to 'ave." " "We're expectin' an old gent from Handley Cross to look at 'ini." observed the keeper, "but I think he'll have to be crazier than they say he is afore he buys 'im." " I think so too,"' assented Mr. JoiTOcks — stumiiing on out of heels' reach. They then got the dogs out of the kennel, and pro- ceeded to the pheasants. Mr. Jon-ocks, being out of practice, did not make much of a hand at first, which, coupled with the in- junctions all the servants were under to make the stranger as comfortable as possible, induced Snapshot to take him to the home cover, when the pheasants rising in clouds and the hares streaming out like sand ropes, om- worthy friend very soon bagged his five brace of pheasants and three hares. Snapshot, now thinking "tipping time" was come, and feeling for his pheasants, proposed a truce, when Mr. Jorrocks, handing him the gun. picked out tlu'ee brace of the best birds, with which he trudged away, leaving the astonished Snapshot to follow with the rest. Hares he wouldn't take, thinking bis riotous hoimds would kill him plenty of them. He then very coolly locked the pheasants up in his vehicle, and ordering the horse to be i)ut-to, was ready for a fjtart by the time it came to the door. With a loving leave-taking of Mrs. Markham, he was jjresently in his rattle-trap and away. A favourable road incline with the horse's head towards home, sent the hundred-guinea nag along, and Mr. Jorrocks began to think it " wasn't so bad as it seemed." As he neared the last unlodged gates in Sir Archey's grounds, he saw another vehicle approaching, and each driver thinking to get the other to open the gate, they timed themselves so as to meet with it between them. " Sky ye a copper who opens it ! " at length exclaimed THE PLUCKWELLE PRESERVES 161 Mr. JoiTOcks, after a good stare at his mucli muffled up na-a-rin. " 'Eads or tails ? " continued he, producing a half • crowTi piece — " "Eads I win ! tails j'oii lose ! "' " Heads ! "" cried the stranger. " It's tails 1 '' replied Mr. JoiTOcks, pretending to look at it, " so you opens it." The youth then got out and did so. " Prop it hopen ! prop it hopen ! " exclaimed Mr. Joi*- roeks, adding, " there am't no cattle in either field, and it may as well stand that way as not." The gentleman did as he was bid, drawing his vehicle — a GeiTuan waggon with three crests (very symptomatic of money)— alongside of Mr. Jorrocks's. *■ You'll be agoin' to Sir Harchey's. I guess,"' observed Mr. Jorrocks. after scrutinizing his fut, vacant face intently. " I am,"' replied the stranger. " Well. I'm jest a comin' from there," continued our friend, stroking his chin complacently, thinking of the pheasants and the f im he had nad. " Indeed," smiled the gentleman. "He's not at 'ome," observed Mr. Jorrocks. " At home to 7«e," replied the stranger, with a nian-of- the-house soi-t of air. " Humph," mused Mr. JoiTOcks, adding, after a pause, — " Well, now V)low me tight, I 8houldn"t be at all 8"pri8ed, if theyre Ijeen a takin' o' me for you. Thoiight they were sweeter upon me than a mere 'oss-ilealin' case required, unless indeed they took me for a most egregius Jolni Ass."' " Hoije tliey'vo used you well," observed the stranger. " Capital." replied Mr. JoiTocks, " and if it wasnt that I ave a "ticklar engagement, I wouldnt mind returnin' and spendin' the even in' with you. Indepeiulent of a caj^ital dinner, I had just as good a drink as man need wisli for. A'most two bottlfs of undenialiln blaik stniji. l>CHide8 et cet«'ra«, and neople, ottering him horses of every sort, size, and description. A man "wanting a horse" - and, cwwfonnd it I some people are always " wanting "" them, and never buy, — a man " wanting a horse," we say, is always an object of interest to the idle and unemployed, looking out for horses for other people; and Handley Cross Ijeing as idle a i^lace as any, everybody seemed l)ent upon i)rooagating the great M.F.H."s wants. Even tlie ladies, who don't generally bestir themselves in such matters, seemed smitten with the mania; and a liorse being a horse with them, the curiosities their incjuiries produced were very amusing. The horses that came were of all prices, from a hundred guineas down to thirty shillings; indeed, Mrs. Pearlash, the laundress, intimated that she miijlil take " rayther " less than tliirty for her old woe-Vjegone wliite liosinante. Our worthy M.F.H. was indebted to his wife for tlie oft'er of it; Mrs. Jorrocks making the subject of "osses" one of her standing topics of conversation, as well with her visitors as to all those with whom she came in contact. Having casually mentioned lier great sport ing-.spouses wants to Mrs. Pearlash, that useful functionary, sticking Iter lists in her sides, for the purjiose of revolving the matter in her mind, said, " Well, now, slie didn't know but they iniijlil pinl with tlieir liorsf. an^ A SPOETINO LECTOR 165 .(>;"> the *ounds occasionally) wus working", lie betliouo-ht him, instead of exposing his incompetence as a huntsman, to display his sporting knowledge in a lectm-e, in Avhich he could also incxdcate the precepts he wished practised towards himself, both at home and in the field. Accordingly, he enlisted the assistance of Captain Dolefid, to whose i^rovince such arrangements seemed Ijecidiarly to belong, and the large room of the "Dragon" was engaged and tastefidly fitted up under their joint supei-intendence. A temporary platform was placed at the far end, surmounted by a canopy of scarlet cloth, tastefully looped up in the centre with an eml)leuuitical sporting device, formed of a hunting-cap. a pair of leather breeches, a boot-jack, and three foxes' bnishes. Inside the canopy was suspended a green-shaded lamp, throwing a strong light upon the party below, and the room was bril- liantly lighted with wax both from the. chandeliers and reflect- ing-miiTors against the wall. The doors were besieged long before the ajjpointed liour for commencing, and ere the worthy lecturer made liis appearance there was not standing I'oom to be had in any ~~^ — =*"'" l^ai-t. The orchestra was also full, and in it " we observe immaterial whether the 'oss sees or not. Now, from this, I thinks we may infer that the Doge either did not keep 'ounds, or that the country he 'unted was flat and unenclosed, otherwise Gambado woidd certainlie have felt the inconwenience of ridin' a blind 'un. Indeed, I almost think, from his declining the Rev. Mr. Nutmeg's offer of a mount, on his brow^l 'oss, that Mr. Gambado either was not a sportsman, or liad airived at a time of life when the exertion of 'unting was too great for him. " The case was this," observed Mr. Jorrocks, taking up the work, " and the advice is as good now as it was tlien. Nutmeg says, in his letter to the ex-ridin' master, who appears to have been actin" as a sort of chamber counsel on 'oss cases : — ' You must know, sir, I am werry fond of 'unting, and live in as fine a scentin' country as any in the kingdom. Tlic soil is pretty stiff, the leaps large and fretjuent, and a great deal of timljer to get over. Now, sir, my brown 'oss is a werry cajjital 'uiiter; ajid though he is slow, and I cannot absolutely ride over the 'ounds (indeed, the country is so enclosed that I do not see so much of them as I could wish), yet, in the end. he generally l»rings me in l)ofoi*e the 'unsman goes lioiDO with tlie dogs.' ■' And liere let me obsei-ve." said Mr. JoiTocks. break- ing off, "that that is neitlier good K|)ortin' nor good language, and Nutmeg, I should think, had been one of your Maeg to be excused accepting it ; all my hani- bition i>eing to add to the theory with as little pj-actice as possible.' ■■"Add to the theory witli as little practice as pos- sible,'" repeaUid Mr. JornxkH, "Tliat's wot a great many writers arc anxious to dt; at the pi-escnt day— But to proceed — Another circumstance wot leads me to B\ippose tliat Jfffery was not an 'unter is this. In some oliHCi-wations in his Preface on a portrait of Mr. (iam- l.ado tliat adonis tiio frontisj)iece. the t-ditor says tliat it was done by a friend from uKniiory, and tinctured with the pre.iudice of friendshijt. 'JcflV-ry,' lie says, ■ was not so slim, nor was his eye so jioiguant : nor was 172 HANDLE Y mOSR he ever known to lio i>ossessed of a pair of top-boots himself, thous'h he often mentions boots in his writings.' " Tliat I think." observed Mr. JoiTocks, " is conchisive. But then what does it prove ? Why, that if Gambado, the best of all s^Dortin' Avi'iters, knew nothin' of 'nntinpr, it is the more incum)>ent on John JoiTocks to supply the deficiency. " But whether Gambado, if I may be allowed to speak of him with such familiarity, was a fox-hunter or not, it is quite clear that he possessed a knowledge of 'osses far superior to any man of the present day. ' The Academy for Grown "Ossmen ' is a perfect text-book in its way, and when a man has read Gamljado's instructions how to choose an 'oss, how to tackle him jiroperly. in what sort of dress to ride him, how to mount and manage him, how to ride him out, and above all how to ride him 'ome again, dull must be the dog wot has occasion to go to a riding-school. "There is a wast of fancy about dealin'^ — far more than relates to the mere colour ; indeed some say that colour is immaterial, and there is an old saw about a good 'oss never being of a bad colour, but the first ques- tion a gi-een 'orn asks is the colour of the prad. Old Steropes says, if you have no predilection that way, choose a mouse-coloxired dun, for it has the peculiar adwantage of lookin' equally well all the year round. A black list down the back makes it still more desirable, as the bystanders will suppose you are ridin' with a crujiper, a practice no finished 'ossmen ought to neglect. This latter point, however, is confuted by Gambado, who says, ' be wei-ry shy of a crupper if your 'oss natur- ally throws his saddle forward. It will certainlie make his tail sore, set him a kickin', and weny likely bring you into trouble.' '"How perplexin' must all this be to a beginner," exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks, throwing up his hands. " The height of an 'oss. Gambado says, is perfectly immaterial, prowided he is higher behind than before. Nothin' is more pleasin' to a traveller than the sensation of continually gettin' forward ; whereas the ridin' of an 'oss of a contrary make is like swamiin' the banisters of a staircase, when, though perhaps you really advance, you feel as if you were goin' backwards. " Gambado says nothin' aboiit the size of an 'oss's head, Init he says he should can-y it low, that he may have an eye to the ground and see the better where he steps. Some say the *ead should be as large as possible. A SPORTING LECTOR 173 inasiniicli as the weight tends to prewent the 'oss from rearin', which is a wice dangerous in the highest degi-ee ; my idea is, that the size of the 'ead is immaterial, for the 'oss doesn't go on it, at least he didn't ought to do I know. " The ears cannot well be too long, Gambado says, for a judicious rider steers his course by fixin' his eyes Ise- between them. This, however, is a disputed point, and old Dickey La-vvi-ence recommends that they should be large and loppin' in a horizontal direction, by which position no rain can possibly enter, and the 'oss will have no occasion to shake his 'ead, a habit which he says not only disturljs the brain, but frequently brings on the mad staggei^s. " Here again the doctors difPer I " It seem agreed on all hand that the less a 'oss lifts his fore-legs, the easier he will move for his rider, and lie will likewise Iniish all the stones out of his way, which might otherwise throw him down. Gambado thinks if he tunis his toes Avell out, he will disperse them riglit and left, and not have the trouble of kickin' the same stone a second time, bi;t I don't see much adwantage in this, and think he might as well be kickin' the same stone as a fresh one. " There can lye no doubt that a Roman nose like Aiierxerxes's adds greatly to the gravity of an oss's countenance. It has a fine substantial yeoman-like apijearance, and well becomes the father of a family, a Church dignitary, or a man in easy circumstances. — A Roman nose and a shovel hat are finite luiique. — Some tliink a small eye a recommendation, as they are less exjiosed to injuries tlian large ones, but that is matter of fancy. The nostrils, Lawrence says, should l^e small, and the lips thick and leathery, which latter property airls tlie Honsibility of the mouth weiTy considerably. — Some prefer an arched neck to a ewe, but the latter has a fine conseqviential hair, and ought not to l>e slighted. "It may be j)rejiidice, but I confess I likes an 'oss's I)ack wot inclines to a hf)g l>end. — Your slack l)acks are all very well for can-j'in' millf^rs' sacks, but rely upon it there's notliin' like tlio outw.ird bow for makin' tliem ilafp tlifir leajjS ]»r«»p('rly. Many iik'H in the Snirey iiMiifiiiler my fam'>UH 'oss 8tar-gaz<'i-. He was made in iliiit furiij, and in his leaps tlirew an iircli like the dome of .St. Paul's. A long back is a grand tiling for a family 'oss. — I've Sf*en my cousin Joe daji six of liis bnits and his light porter on the back of thf old Crockenlilc. and 174 HANDLET CROSS the old nag would have can-ied another if his tail had been tied up. — In the 'unting- field, however, one seldom sees more than one man on an 'oss, at a time. Two don't look spoi'tin', and the world's governed by appearances. "Some people object to high blowers, that is, 'osses wot make a noise like steam-engines as they go. I don't see no great objection to them myself, and think the use they are of in clearin' the way in crowded thoroughfares, and the protection they afford in dark nights by pre- ventin' people ridin' against you, more than counter- balance any disconwenience. — Gambado says, a bald face, wall eyes, and white legs, answer the same puri^ose. but if you can get all four, it will be so much the better. ■■ There is an author who says the hip-bones should project well beyond the ribs, which form will be found wen-y conwenient in 'ot weather, as the rider may hang his hat on them occasionally, whilst he wipes the per- spiration from his brow, addin' that that form gives the hannimal greater facility in passin' through stable-doors, l)ut I am inclined to think, that the adwice is a little of what the French call pleasant re, and we call gammon; at all events, I don't follow it. ■' Broken knees is nothin'. — Where, let me ax, is the man with the 'oss that he will swear will never tumble down P Geoffrey indeed says, ' Be sure to buy a broken- kneed 'oss whenever he falls in your way ; the best bit of flesh that ever was crossed will cei-taiidy come down one day or another ; whereas, one that has f aUen (and scari- fied himself pretty tightly) never will again, if he can help it.' "At an American "oss sale, I i-ead of t'other day, a Iniyer exclaims — " ' Vy, he's broken kuee'd ! ' Not at all, you mister,' cried the hauctioneer pertly. ' The gen'leman wot sells this 'oss always marks his stud on the knee, that he may know 'em again ' — haw I haw ! liaw ! '' chuckled Mr. Jorrocks ; " ' Lofty hactioned 'oss ! — struck his knee again his tooth ! ' I once heard a dealer declare on behalf of a broken-kneed 'un in the City. " There is an old sayin' in Spain, that a man wot would buy a mule without a faidt must not buy one at all, and faultless 'osses are equally rare. Gil Bias's mule, if I recollects right, was ' all faults,' and there are many 'osses not much l^etter. To be sure it makes a marvellous difference whether you are i-epresentin' the 'oss's ciiifilities to an expectant purchaser, or are treatin' A SPORTING LECTOE 175 yourself to a bit of unwaruished truth, as we all must do occasionally. It is an unpleasant reflection, and says little for the morality of the age, or the merits of the RefoiTu Bill, that, out of London, one can hardly get rid of an 'oss without more or less doing wiolence to one's feelin's of integrity. ' The purchaser has need of a hundred eyes, the seller of but one,' says the authority I quoted before ; but dash my vig, they require the seller to make up in tongue what he economises in wision. '■ WaiTantin' an 'oss is highly inconwenient. 'specially when you've reason to know he's a screw, and it requires a good deal of management to ewade the question so as not to diminish the price. I generally tries to laugh it off, sayin', " Vy really wazTantin' is quite out of fashion, and never thought of at Tat.'s ; ' or if the buyer is a young im, and apparently werdant, I says, * Why, faith, / should say he's all right, but you can see the 'oss youi'self, and can judge Vjetter nor I.' ■■ Men that have much business of this sort ought to keep a slippei-j-tongiied grum to whom they can refer a pm-chaser in a hoff 'and sort of way, as though it were beneath their dignity to know nothin' of the kind, and wished the grum to give every possible infonnation. which the warmint knows a great deal better nor do. " A respectal>le lookhig giimi wot can lie like ti-uth is tnily inwaluable to gen'lemen of this description. If a man is rich, he may cheat you with impunity ; it is only ixjor men wot siiffer in consequence. Honesty is of no use to licensed 'oss dealers. Every man supposes they are rogues, and treat them accordingly. Who does not remember old bottle-nosed Richards ? When any one axed his nuuiber, he said, ' Oh, you ax any shop-keeper in Iloxford-street where the biggest rogue lives, and he'll be sure to send you to me ! ' "But to the wan-anty; as I said before, it's werry in(;onw<'nientwaiTantin'. and if a customer sticks to his point, it is not a l.arown Avas at Greenwich, and tlm roan at Dulwich, and the white at Blackheath, and iialf a dozen others of Green's cut away on trial. Tommy exclaimed with a hair of sudden enlightenment, 'But, Joe, there's the cowl jest slip on the 'alter, and bring her imp the ride.' Cow ! ' exclaimed Septimus, ' 1 wants an 'oss ! ' " ' 'Well, but see lier out at all ewonts,' replied Touiniy in the sweetest manner possible; 'lookin' costs iiothin',' added he. But I doesn't vont a cow ! ' roared Septimus, bursting with rage. " Jest then the street gates closed, and hup ciime Joe, ruunin' the cow as he would an 'oss, old Tommy i)raibing 180 HANULEY CROSS her liactioii, aud the way she lifted her'leg, swearin' she never woidd come down, takiii' no notice of Green storinin' and swearin' he didn't want a coav, he wouldn't take a cow in a gift ; and I really believe if I hadn't been there, old Tommy would have talked him into it — for he certain//V had the most buttery tongue that ever was hvuig — and the gates were locked into the bargain. " But let us naiTow the field of 'oss speckilation, and ^■iew our b\iyer on the road to a dealer's in search of an "unter. No man should go there in black silk stockin's ; dress trousers are also out of character. And here I "bvt I doksn't von I A cow!" may observe that there be two sorts of fox-"unters— the (luiet fox-'imter wot goes out werry swell, but comes home and resumes the appearance of a gejumaii, and the Tom-and-Jerry fox-'unter what goes out now and then, to smoke cigars, pick up a steeple-chaser, wear groomish clothes, and be able to talk of the 'oimds. The latter are not the men for the dealer's money. They turn the stables over from end to end, worm out the secrets, and keep a register of the fluctuations in price of each 'oss. Some act as middle-men betv/ecu the A SPORTINO LECTOR 181 buyer and seller, gettin" wot they can out of each for their trouble. ' I can buy him cheaper than you," they say. and so they benefit the buyer by pocketin' the difference. These are the bouys to bother a dealer's v\g ! A Tink fi-om them stops many a bargain, while an approvin' nod from such distinguished judges drives ingenuoiis yoiith into extempore liargains that they would othei"wise bring half their acquaintance to inspect. " When three men enter a yard, a dealer seldom opens out. Two are plenty for business— if the buyer is pea- green, he had l^etter get some i-iper fi-iend to play hrst fiddle, and he must Ije spectator. If he has a liutton at his "at and 'olds his tongue, he may pass for a quiet fox- 'unter, and so command respect. There's ' Masonry ' in fox-'unting. and a loop in at the linin' or a button behind, will do more than rill the swagger and bluster in the world. ■' It is an inwariable i-ule with the dealers to praise the bad joints and let the good uns speak for them- selves. It is a waste of time obsei'vin' that an 'oss is large in the 'ead or light in the carcase, 'caiise a con- tradiction is sure to follow. It is equally useless axin' the age of a dealer's "oss, because they are all ' six hofi:'.' If you object to shape, make, or colour, they will tell you it's ail fancy ! That some folks like a happle, others a li onion, and Lord So-and-so would give any price for sich an 'oss. As to argufying with a dealer, that's quite out of the question, Ijecause he lias his cut- and-dried answers to every obsei'^R'ation you can make, and two or three grums to swear to what he says. Keep, therefore, in mind what Gambado said about l>eing (/o)ir, keejj also in view the sort of nag you want, and don't l>e talked into buyin' a cow, and when an 'oss of yonr figure makes his appearance, look him full in the face, as though yoi) wore usod to such interviews. If you have read about sand cracks, and sallenders, and sit-fa.sts, and th(M-oiigii ))iiiH, and (piittors. and locked jaws, and curbs, you will .save yourself the trouble of enquirin' after any of them l)y axin" the dealer if he'll wan-ant him sound. In coiiiso he"ll say yes. and you may thon procred witli your view. The nrecejit, ' No fut, no 'oss, is wf'll to ]>o lioriif in mind |>prliapB, as also ' No 'ock, no 'iintfT.' Now. "ark forward ! "The dealer, what with his tongue and his whip, will keep you and tlio nag in a state of trepidation. "All the good qualities 'oss-floHli is heir fo will be laid to his charge, and there will Ije nothin' you can ax but 182 HA.NDLET CROSS what he will be able to do. — ' Leap ! Lor' bless you, Sir, I visli you'd see'd him last Friday gone a week with the Queen's staggers at Slough. We was a runniu' old Skylark, wot always goes straight, when he planted the field at a six foot vail, dashed and coped with broken bottles — not another 'oss looked at it, and Davis declared lie never see'd siich a lip in his life.' ■' Spooney. — ' Vill he go in 'arness, do you think ? ' " Dealer. — ' Quietest crittur alive ! Jack's eldest bouy here, a lad o' thirteen, driv him and another to Mile End and back, 'long the Strand, through Fleet Street, Cheap- side, and all, busiest time o' day, and he nouther looked to the right nor the left. Lay your leg over him, sir ! ' " Now this latter is an inwitation for the gen'leman to mount, and if so be he of the button has never been much used to ride, lie had better let his friend use his leg, or should neither be werry expert, let the dealer's man throw his over. Some 'osses don't like strangers, and nothin' looks so foolish as a man floored in a dealer's yard. Still, mountin' is the first step in practical \)ssmanship, and it don't need no conjuror to know that unless a man mount he can have no ride. Should our friend think well of the nag's looks, perhaps he cannot l)egin his acquaintance too soon. If he sees no wite of the eye or symptoms of wice, no coaxin' or whooofin', or shoulderin' to get him to stand, let him march boldly up and mount, like William the Conquei'or. 'Osses are fiueer critturs, and know when we are fiightened of them just as well as we do ourselves. Born to be con- trolled, they stoop to the forward and the bold ! " If Green 'orn gets fairly up, the chances are he likes his mount. It is pleasant to find one's self cairied in- stead of kicked oft', and some 'osses never ride so well as on trial. Out then Spooney goes, and tries all his paces ; a self-satisfied smile plays on his mug, as rein on neck lie returns down the covered ride, and the dealer, with a hair of indifference, axes ' 'Ow he likes him ? ' " Spooney. — ' Why. jn-etty well — but I think he ;'ff//-tlier pulls — I fear he'll be windicitive with 'ounds.' " Dealer.—' Pulls ! Vy if you puUs at him, in all humane pro})ability he'll pull at you — otherwise you miglit ride him with a thread.' addin' aside, ' I sells "osses, not 'ands. Finest mouth'd nag I ever was on ! ' " Spooney. — ' Well, but you'll take a Ice-t\e less than what you ax ? ' " Dealer.- ' Couldn't take a fardin' less!— gave within three sovs. of that myself, and In-ought liim all the vay A SPORTINO LECTOR 183 from 'Omcastle. — Squire Smith will take liim if you don't — indeed, here comes his grum." '"Here the dealer's liveried and booted servant appears. ■■ The bargain is then closed — the money paid, a war- ranty included in the stamped receipt, and Spooney's first ride is to Field's, or the Weterinary College, to have him examined. One pound one is thus added to his price. " Thus, my beloved 'eai-ers," concluded Mr. JoiTocks, " have I conducted you tlu'ough the all-perilous journey of youi' fii'st deal, showin' how warious and conflictin' ai*e the opinions relative to 'osses. and how. as in many cases, wot is one man's meat is anither man's puzzon. Far be it from me to say that you will be nivich wizer from anything you have lieard, for the old staler will find nothin' but what he knew before, while all tuat can be taught the l)eginner is not to be too sanguinary in his expectations. ■ ■ Tuna about is fair play,' as the devil said to the smoke-jack, and it is only right that those what have inwested capital in the puix-hase of experience, should l>e allowed to get a little back. By-and-by it will be Green'om's turn, and then little Spooney, who now goes sneakin' up the yard, will swagger boldly in, commandin' the respect and attention of the world. " We must all creep afore we can walk, and all be bittfn afore we can bite. But let not ingenuous youth despair I If his 'oss is not so good as he might be, let liim cherish the reflection that he might have been far worse ! Let him apply that moral precept so beantifnlly inculcated towards iiis better 'alf : — " • Be to his faults a little liliml. Be to hiB wirtucs ever kind.' '"So shall little Spooney jog on rejoinin' ! Each sncceedin' year shall find him better mounted, and at each fresh deal he will become a wiser, mid, I 'opes, an ajipier man. " Mr. Jon'ocks concluded amidst linid ;iiiii uiiivcisnl a]>ijlauHe. A loud call lieing then made on Roger Swizzle, that genius at lengtli stepped forward, and after a few jirepai-atory hems, declared that "of all tin- loctures he had ever list^jned to, either at Guy's, Barlholomow's, or i'lsewhorr>, lie liad never liearr l>utlers; while fellows that have never been in a stable, will undfrtak*; the cliarge of lun'ses and cairiages, and drive if lequired. The above striking advertisoment soon caused Diana Tiodge to be besieged by all the idle, dog-stealing raffs in the country — flash, slangey-looking^ scamps in long waistcoats, greasy liven' coats with covered buttons. Iiatrgy breeches, and square-toed gaiters, Imttoning in fnjnt of the knee. They all s]>oke in the liigiiest terms (»f tlicniselves, and thougii none of them had ever hunted, tiiey all thought tiiey'd "like it," and one had ISf) HANDLET CROSS actually got so far in a Imntiiig establishment, as to have been what he called second pad groom — viz., a helper at twelve sliillinf^s a week. The followinj? sample will show the general chai'acter of the correspondence. " Edgebaston. "Sir, ■' I am in whant of a situation. Seeing your adverts- ment in the Life papey If a greeable to you it whould sute me ven-ey well I have not been in survice be fore I have been A Horse Dealer for my self and with my Fathei- But I have no doubt that I am compident to take the situation for I been used to hunting all my life and have rode in simi of the furst Steeple Chases in the country I can refure you to John Cock's Esq. Cocks' Hall, near Beccles. I have been yoused to hunt with many fine hounds — Stag Hounds, Beagles, and all, and know all about them. I am maried but no famley. onley my self and wife. I am 28 years of age 10 stone wight But as foi- wage I shiill leave for you to state if evei-y other thing meets your approbation I have a friend that is Butler with Ca])tain Boxer, at Bath, you can right to him if you think proper As E knows my self and famely, " I remain, Tours Obdiaint Servant "To John Jorrocks, Esq., " ThOMAS LoOGAN. " Of the Handley Cross Hunt " Haiidley Cross." " Warminster. "Sir, "On hearing you want a huntsman, I take the liljerty of viTiting to enquire after the i^lace I thoroly understand my business either as gi-oom or coachman and have been accustomed with hounds I live at present with John Jones Esq. at Warminster as groom and gardner where I leave on Thursday first if you want a servant I shall lie glad to serve you as I am a man-ied man. " Your obedient sei-vant, "John Crakethorpe. " To Mr. Jobrocks, Esq., " Hanrtley Cross." huntsman wanted 187 "Deak Sir. " I take the liberty of -nTiting those Few Lines to you Hereing that you are In Want of A Servant And I Am in Want of A Situation If you Have No Objections And I have Been in the Racing Stables Seven Tears And My Age is 23 And Stands About 65 foot Gh And My Wages Will be 30<£ A Tear And If you thought I Should Suit Tou Direct to Mark Spraggon. North-fleet And for My Caracter Inquire of Major Banis of Horton Hall Near Tork And My Weight is A bout stone. I nm disengaged in the woman way. " To\ir humble Servant, " To J. .ToKROCKH, Esq.. " MaRK PUNCHEON. " Pox Hunter, Handley Cross." "Sir, "I saw in your advertisement wanted, a single young man as huntsman with a tow days a-week ]3ack of hounds. I should like to know what the celery will be, as I think I could fulfill this situation very well, my weight is {fi stones. Please to wTite with return of Post about the Celery and where the situation is, Tou will much Oblige " I renuiin your hum])le Servant, " Mk. J„RKorKH, M.F.H." " J<5HN GrEEN. "Sir, "I write these few lines to inform you that I have seen in tlie Field ])aper that yon are in want of a young man as liuntsman to yovn- liounds and I have sent these few lines Uj say I am a man-ed man and has a family but I cannot move my Wife for 4 years to come for I liave K Boys at trade and they get their meat and lodge at iKtniP Ho if you rio not uet one to suet you I sliould be liapj>y to wait, on you if you tliink tliat 1 will suet you I liave lx?en with boatii fox Hounds and HarriiTK to take care of them in the Kennels and Hunting them in the field and I can Groom my o^vn Horses Ut which I like to take Cur of my own Horses allways as for my Age is ')2 years and my Weight is 1) stone and lias been '> years in niy last sittuation tmt I do not wisli to give you tlip trouble to write luuk if you get one to suet you for 1 can l>e at liljcrty in a Week's Notice, so if you think I 18R HANPLKY CROSS will suet you my wages is one Pound per Week and meat in the House likewise, and Close to luint in so I remain '■ Your humble Servant. " Please to Direct to " '^^^^ ^^'^^ '' Mr. John Cox, (Huntsman) Epsom. " To Mr. .Iohn Joreocks, " Master of Hounds, llawdley Cross." Finding the applications by letter becoming numerous, Mr. JoiTOcks soon discontinued answering those which he did not think held out any prospect of suiting, biit the following from the well-known Dick Bragg roused his bile into the answer that siicceeds : — "Dear Sir. " Seeing that you ai'e in wants of an energetic gent to hunt your hounds, I beg to represent my qualifica- tions for the appointment. I've held office Sir in some first rate administrations, yes Sir, in some first rate administrations Sir ; my Lord Reynards Sir of Turkey- pont Park Sir, the Duke of Downeybird of Downeybird Castle Sir, but my precious health not being quite adequate to the mental exertion and bodily fatigue consequent on a four or five days a week establishment, I have determined to sink the dignities of life a little in favor of Peace and quietness and should have no objec- tion to negotiate an alliance with yoii for the management of your hounds and country. '* One thing I should stipulate at starting, namely, that if we do not agree, you will have the kindness not mention this application as it would caiise me to lose caste in the rank of life in wliich I have heretofore moved. '' That, I feel assured from your high merchantile i-eputation I may rely upon — Yes Sii*. I feel assurefl fi-om your high merchantile rejiutation I may i-ely upon — To proceed then — In coui'se you would allow me to appoint my own whips, an arrangement that I have always found to be most inducive to sport, for none but a huntsman knows whether his whips play propei-ly into his hands or not, and there is nothing like having the power to tuni them off for making them to do as they ought. I don't hold with Beckford that a first whip sliould be a second hiintsman. No Sir. no —I say. a whipper-in can HUNTSMAN WANTED 189 Vje made, but a huntsman's talent must be born with liim —I should basely dissemljle if I hesitated to declare that in sporting science my abilities shall yield to none. I will hunt a fox with any man— with the great Lord Elcho himself I "To descend to particulars however; perhaps yovi"ll allow me to ask what your salary is — also what the di'aft hounds may be worth yearly per annum, and what you think the vails will come to —Also if I shall be allowed a boy to brush my clothes and clean my boots, as I shouldn't like to have any dirty work to do— A line to the Corner will find me, and hoping to establish a mutually advantageous connection, I l>eg to subscribe myself '■ Yoiu's obediently, "Richard Bragg. '■P.S. — ' Quick' should be the word, as such a chance doesn't offer every day. " Tu — Joi;nocKKs, flsy., M.F.H., " Ac, &c., &c., "Handlcy Cross." Jorrocks was desijerately angry when he got tliis. He grinned with rage when he read it, to think that any one should think he was such a fool as to l^e takrn in l)y it. At first he was for writing Dick a stiif " M.F.H. John JoiTocks presents his compliments "' note, but thinking that would not be sufficient relief to his mind, he turned liis attention to an aliusive letter calling Dick all sorts of (;onceited cock- tail humbugs, which he sjn-awled over a sheet of fool6ca[) with liis great round school-l>oy liand. wlien it occurred to him that tiie banter tack would lie more telling and mortifying, so after a good deal of consideration he concocted the following: — "SlK, ■■ I iim werry mucli obliged by your purlitc com- munication, and much regret tliat it did not come a little sooner, as I thinks you seem jest the sort of man — I }«g pardon— gentleman 1 want. — I doesn't care a dump about money further nor as it enables one to pursue the pleasures o' the chace, and if you'd shown us the first chop sport you propose. Id he given you sich a kick at Christmas aa would have sent you right Imp into the first class caiTiage of service, and I makes no 190 HANDLEY CROSS doubt my exaniple would have been followed by all the generously disposed cocks of my 'unt. Unfortunately the appointment is filled up, though perhaps ^lOOa-year, and perquisites by fair means or foul — which in course I winks at, to the tune of .£50 more -might not have been worth your consideration, though Christmas presents would make the salary up good ^£200 a-year. I does all the dirty work myself, and you might have worn wite kids on non-'unting days. '■ Yours to serve. "John JoiiiiocKS. " G rocer, Tea dealer, iiud M. V.U. "To Mu. RiCH.vun Ukagg, " Messrs. Tattersall's, " Hyde Park Corner, Loudon." '"Here's a cove vants you," said Benjamin, as lie brought in a candle to seal the foregoing. " Vants me," repeated Mr. Jon-ocks, "who can it be ?" Benjamin. — "Don't know — von't tell me — says his name's Pigg — couies from the north — Scotland, I should think by his tongue." Mr. JoiTOcks. — " Pigg— humph — Scotland — humph — Shouldn't wonder if he's one of these place-'unting coves — the town's full of them.— Never saw an advei-tisement work so. — There," continued he, as he finished sealing the letter. " take that to the Post, and mind you don't pick the 'ead oft'; and here, Binjiniin," continued Jor- rocks, " send the Pigg in ! " "Yez-ir," said Benjamin, taking his dei^arture. CHAPTER XX JAMES PIGG ScAECELY had Mr. Jorrocks composed himself in his red morocco audience chair, ere a sledge-hummer sort of blow at the door announced the approach of the sti-angrei'. =^r! "Come in I" roared llic M.F.II. in a ci.rreKpondinf,' tone, and the order Vicing oljeyed, our friend had ;i view of his callf-r. He wa8 a tall, bpindle-shanked iiiiin, inclining to bald, with tiowiug grey-streaken lock, nhading a shai-p- featurcfl, weather-beaten face, lit up with bright hazed 192 HANDLEY CROSS eyes. A drop hung at his nose, and tobacco juice sim- mered down tlie deeply indented fiu-rows of liis chin. His dress was a strange mixtiu-e of smart-coloured, misfitting clothes. A blue and white cotton kerchief was twisted carelessly round his scraggy neck — a gi'een- baize jacket, with the back l^uttons almost between his shoulders, flattened upon a pair of baggy dirty-white cords, between which, and a little i"ed waistcoat, a vast protuberance of soiled linen appeai-ed. His shrunk drab mother-of-pearl buttoned gaiters dragged upon an ill- shaped leg, making his stooping, lathy figure more ungainly, and the scantiness of his ui^per garments more apparent. His hands, encased in shiny yellow ochre-coloured gloves, were thrust a long way through the little jacket sleeves, between which and the gloves, coarse dirty wrist-bands appeared— one hand clutched a boy's turned-up hat, and the other rested on a rugged oak staff. " Himipli I " grunted Mr. Jorrocks, as he eyed him, observing aloud to himself, '" Vot a long-legged beggar it is," inwardly resolving he wouldn't do. " Your sarvant, Sir," said the figure, shuftiing the little hat into the staff hand, Avhile he raised the other to his forehead, and kicked out Ijehind. " Heard tell ye was in wants of a hontsmau." " Humph," grimted Mr. Jorrocks again. " you don't look much like (^ne. Vei'e d'ye come from ? " " Cannynewcassel," replied Pigg. " A, ar's frae Har- wich last," added he, '" but ar's a native of Paradise, aside Cannynewcassel — ye'll ken Cannynewcassel, nae doubt," observed he, running the words together. "Carn't say as 'ow I do," replied Mr. Jorrocks thoughtfxTlly, still eyeing the bird of Paradise. "Is it any way near Dundee ? " " Dundee ! no — what should put that i' your head ? " snajiped Pigg. " Wot should put that i' my 'ead ! " retorted Mr. Jor- rocks, boiling up. " Vy, it must be near somewhere ! " " Near somewhere ! " now exclaimed Pigg, indignant at tlie slight thus put on his famous city. "Why it's a great town of itsel' — ye surely ken Newcassel where arle the coals come frae ? " " You said Candied Newcassel," enunciated Mr. JoiTOcks, slowly and emphatically — "you said Candied Newcassel," repeated he, " from which I natterally concluded it was near Dundee, where they make the candied confectionary. I get my marnieylad from thei-e. JAMES PIGG 193 I'm not Bucli a liiguorant liass," contiuued lie, " as not to know where ISewcastle is. I've been i' Scotland myself ! Durham at least." They then took a good long stare at each other, each thinking the other a "rum im.' JoiTOcks gave tongue first. " Wot 'oimds have you been with ? " asked he. '■ A — a vast," replied Pigg, " yen way and another." " Yen way and another," muttered Mr. Jorrocks, still eyeing him intently. "Aye, ar ken all the hounds amaist. Tyndale, and D'oiTu, and Horworth, and arl." " Ah, but those 'iU be Scotch dogs," observed Mr. Jorrocks, "a country I knows nothm' whatever on — have you been in any civilized country?" "Aye, civil, aye, they're all civil enough— "gin ye're civil to them. If ye set up yoiu- gob, they'll mump it, ar's wam'd." " No— no— that's not wot I mean, retorted Mr. Jor- rocks, getting angry and shuffling aboiit in his seat. " I wants to know if you've ever been in any of the crack countries ? " " Cracked coimtries," repeated Pigg thoughtfully, scratching his head— "'cracked countries, aye — yeas— Waiieseud." "No! no I' growled Mr. Jorrocks, kicking out his legs, " any of the cut 'em down and 'ang 'em up to dry countries ? " asked uui' master, thinking to exterminate PigK and be done. " "Why— no— ar hannut," di-awled Pigg, twiddling his hat aljout. " Ah then, you'll not do for me," replied our friend, with a suiwrcilious cliuck of the chin. "Why, why. sir,'' rc])li<'(l Pi;/^, "ye ken best." " Ye ken V^est," rei>eated Mr. Jorrocks, aloud to himself, adding, "what a rum begpar it is. to be sure. " Tliey then kej>t eyein^j each other again for a while. " C'o«-fouuded nulHiince," muttered Mr. Jorrocks to himself, "not l>eing al)le to get an "untsman," recollect- ing the boiled lobstej-, Pla8tody i' the shape o' father or friend hut mar coosin Deavilboger — you'll hav' heard tell of mar coosin Deavilboger, ne doot.'' " Can't say as 'ow I have," replied Mr. JoiTOcks ; " is he a gi'eat man for the "unt ? " '■ No, de'il a bit,'" laughed Pigg, " it was just that we fell out about. Says Deavilboger to me yen mornin', as I was gannin to Gosfoi-th Gates to see the hunds throw off, says he to me says he, " If thou doesn't yoke thy cart and gan and lead tormots, thou needn't fash thyself to come back here ony more; ar'll have ne gentlemen sportsmen 'liout mai- fai-m.' "Says ar to Deavilboger, "Deavilboger," says ar, 'thoii surely wadn't grudge a man the matter of a hiuit, ar that's always i' the way and ready to oblige ; ' but he's a deuce of a man when lie's angered is mar coosin Deavil- lx)ger, and he swore and cussed that if ar went ar shouldn't come back — A, a, a, how he did swear and cuss — ar really think he didn't leave a part o' me uncussed 'cept my teeth and nails, so ye see we quarrelled and parted ye see." " But he's a good man i' the nuiin, is mar cousin Deavilboger," continued Pigg. "only he canna bear tlie Inmds, and as sure as iver winter cam round the Deiivil an' I were sure to have a dust; but that's all done now and ended, so ar'll ahvays sjtcak well o' tlie ard Deavil. for he was a good frind to me, and gav' me monny an ard suit o' claes, and monny a lialf-cro\vnat the Cow Hill and such like times— dare say he gave me this very hat ar hev i' my band." continued Pigg, thrusting out the little chapeau as he spoke. " Can you 'unt a pack of 'ounds ? " inquired Mr. Jorrocks, wishing to get Pigg on tu the old tack. " Why now it's nut for me to say." replied Pigg, " but ar's used to hunds. and ar's fond o' hunds. aiid have travelled all o'er the world amaist— Bliss ye, all tlie rtportin' gentlemen ken me. King o' Hungary and all ! " "Well, you shall oat as yuu'rc 'ungry," replied Mr. JoiTocks, not catching the last sentence, " Ijut 1 wants to know more about you and your pretensions — an 'untsman holds a conspikioiis place in the world's eye, and it be'oves an M.F.H. to Ix) weri-y 'tickler wot'un a one he solectn. Tell me now, can you holloa 'f ' 196 HANDLEY CROaS "Hoop, and holloa, aiulTALH-Ho!" exclaimed Pi^g, at the top of liis voice, his eyes sparkling with animation. ■' Gently," exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks, partaking of his enthusiasm, " you'll frighten the ladies ; tell me now, wot wage do yon want ? " " What wage ? A ar dinne ken ! — we'll not differ 'bout the matter o' wage— What is ar to de ? " *' Vy. 3'ou'll have to 'unt and feed the 'ounds, clean two 'osses, look arter the tackle ; see that all's on the square, in fact." "Ai" can de all that," re^jlied Pigg, "and break yeer 'ard bones into the bargain. ' "Humph! Wen*y kind,"' grunted Mr. Jorrocks. " Ar mean 'ard kennel bones," explained Pigg, seeing Mr. Jori'ocks looked irate. " Oh, I twig," replied our master, resuming his smile, " In-eak 'em for the fanners — for tm-nip manure, in fact — We'll go on 'bout the wage."' " Ar'd like to have my vittels i' the house, if you have ne objection," resumed Pigg. "In the 'oiise," said Mr. Jorrocks, considering, "I doesn't know about that — to be sure you are light i' the girth, and don't look like a great grubber, biit 'unting makes one wen-y 'ungry." " Bless ye, ar eat nont," replied Pigg, rubbing his hand over his stomach, to show how fiat it was, " and ar'd take a vast less wage gin ar were fund in the house." Mr. Jorrocks. — " S'pose, then, we say eighteen pounds, your meat, and a suit of clothes." Pigg.— "Say twenty, and aril find mysel', — ar've a capital cap ai' got in a raffle, and a red coat 'ai*d Sebright gave me." "No, no."' replied Mr. Jorrocks, "none of your cast- oft's. The 'Andley Cross "ounds must be tiuTied out properly." "Well, then," replied Pigg, " you mun hev it your own way ; see gi' us my arles." " Your wot ? " inquired Mr. Jorrocks. Pigg. — "My arles! we always get arles i' wor country."' Mr. Jorrocks. — " Wot all your wittles at once ? " Pigg. — " No, man— sir, ar mean — summut to bind bar- gain like." Mr. Jorrocks. — "I twig! See, there's a shillin' for you. No^y go and get yom- dinner— be werry keen, mind." Pigg ducked his head as he took the money, and slouched joyfully out of the room. Jorrocks then threw himself back in his red morocco .TAMER rrrio 197 liiintin£j-c'li.iir. Itoj^ino- ho uiifflit miswor, ainl wisliin^'' that he hadn't l.ieeii rather precipitate in the bargain. If Pi^g didn't suit, his boots wouldn't fit anybody else. Still he looked more promising tlian any of the others, and Jorrocks hoped he was keen. " It might ha' lieen better p'raiis," said he. as he took up a leg to nurse, and entered upon a study of the ceiling — ■■ it might ha' ])een better if I'd made some inquiries about him— but confound it, wot tradesman can tell anything about an 'untsman. and who else could I ask I Anythiug's better nor Bin l)ellowin' " boiled lobsters ' arter one. or the 'oimds i-umiin' into Plaster o' Paris Poll PaiTot merchant's. Con-found it," continued Jor- rocks. shaking his head, "" Mr. Payne and Goodhall, and these swells i" the cut-me-downs, do tlie thing so easy, that it makes us fools o' natur' think we can do the same, but dash my buttons, findin' a fox and killin' on 'im are werry different things." Then JoiTOcks's run- away imagination earned him riglit into the cut-me-down countries; to Misterton, to Arthingworth, to Bardon Hall with Sir Richard, to Cvoxton Park with the Belvoir. CHAPTER XXI A. FRIGHTFUL COLLISION ! BECKFORD V. BEN owY friend fancied himself luxuriating in a run with the Cottesmore from the top of Ranksborough Hill, he was suddenly disturbed by a loud cry of— "Murder! Miu-der! Murder! Here, Sir! Here!" and Ben- jamin came bursting? into the room with anger and fear de- picted in his face, exclaiming,', "Please, Sir! here. Sir! that f-reat hugly beast's taken the shoulder o' mutton onto his plate, and swears the taters and gravy are good enough for Betsay and me." "Taken the shoulder of mutton onto his plate," re- peated Mr. Jorrocks in astonishment. " impossible, Bin- jimin ! the man told me he had no appetite at all." " Oh. Init he /las," retorted Benjamin with redoubled energy, "and he swears he'll pick his teeth with the bone, and break my 'ead with it when he's done— I never see'd such a great hugly beast in all my life." " Veil, I'll go and see arter this," said Mr. JoiTocks, shaking his head, and buttoning up his breeches pockets, as he rose from his chair with the air of a man deter- mined to show fight. " How NOW ! " roared Jorrocks. bursting into the kitchen, to the astonishment of James Pigg, who, knife in hand, was cutting away at the shoulder of mutton, to the infinite indignation of Betsay, who seemed about to contend for lier share of the prog. A FRianTFUT, collision! beckford v. ben 199 ■ How NOW I " rej)eatecl Mv. Jon-ocks in a still louder \oice, which had the effect of making Pi.eg drop the mutton and jump up from the table. " Didn't you tell me," said Mr. JoiTocks, speaking vei-y slowly at the commencement, and boiling up as he went on, " didn't you tell me as "ow that you hadn't no happe- tite, and yet I finds you seizin' tlie meat wot's to serve the kitchen for dinner and the parlour for lunch.— Vot do you mean by sich haudacity, you gi-eat long-legged Scotch sinner ! " ■■ "Ord bliss ye.'' replied Pigg, " ar was nabbut teasin' yon bit bowdekite," jjointing to Benjamin ; " mar appe- tite may l)e a bit brisker this morn than at most times, for ar had a lang walk, but ar wasn't gannin' to eat all the grub; only that bit liastard wad set uy his gob, and say ar was to }je in onder him, see ar thought ar'd jist let him see whether or no at startin'.'' ■• Veil, but." i-eplied Mr. Jorrocks, calmly, l)ut firmly. '■ figlitin' von't do : I doesn't grudge yoTi the matter o' the mutton, Init there must be unaniuiity and concord, or we shalln't kill no foxes. Binjimin's a fine bouy," continued he, looking at him, " and will fulfil tlie duties of his station, by which means alone a man can rise to heminence and distinction — hem! get fat and rich, werry great things, hem ! -give satisfaction, and gain unWiuuded applause, hem ! — so now jest be'ave^ and settle yourselves (iiuetly to your dinners, and dcm't let me have any more nonsense "—saying which Mr. Jor- rocks walked delilieratcly out of tlie kitchen, and shut the door loudly upon the party. But though our worthy friend had thus apjjarently settled the difficulty, he was too good a judge m^t to see the imiiortance of an early understanding between Pigg and Benjamin as to their reliitive situations ; and, as the latter had to be lowered to tlie advancement of the former. Mr. JuiTOcks had to summon all his dextenty to reduce the one without giving a triumjih to the other. Not that Ben would have been difficult to replace, or indeed any loss, but Mr. JoiTocks did not like hjsing all the trainiut,'- hi-, liad given him, and which lie still flattered hiiuHclf would work him into a good anele88 exjjccting U) get another jiair of legs that they would fit. Mr. JoiTocks knfw the l)oy too well to suppose that he would easily brook hnviug nny oiu; i)ut over him, and the way of doing it occupied our mastei-'s 2fX) n\NDLKY CRORR thoufihta all tlio aftenioou. aucl tlirougli Iub dinner. As the shades of evening" were succeeded hy wintei'"s dark- ness, and Mr. Jon-ocks liad emptied his third l)paker of brandy and watei-, he stiri-ed liis fire, iind i-aiit,' for candles. Benjamin speedily appeared, hnt. instead of allowing the youth to dei>art upon hring-ing the composites, he ordered him to take a chair on the other side of the table, and listen to what lie had to say. Mr. Jorrocks then arranged the candles so that one threw a light on the boy and the other on his book, without their being too near the fire to suffer from the heat. Thus jire- pared, he gave the fire a finishing poke, and clearing the voice with a substantial liem ! addressed the boy as follows : — " Now, Binjimin.'" said he, "the "igli road to fame and to fortin' is open to you — ^there is no saying what keen- ness, combined with sagacity and cleanliness, may accomplish. You have all the ingredients of a great man about you, and liopportunity only is wantin' to dewelope them." " Yez-ir," said Benjamin, assenting to the proposition. " Tou must eschew tip-cat, and mai'ljles, and takin' backs from bouys i" the streets," continued Mr. Jorrocks, "and tvirn the maincock o' your mind entirely on to what Mr. Delme Radcliffe well calls the Noble Science." "Yez-ir," assented Benjamin again. Mr. Jorrocks paused, for it was as fai" as he had aiTanged matters in his mind, and the answer i-athei- put him out. "Now, Binjimin," at length resumed he, opening his book appai'ently at random as he spoke, "this book is the werry Ijest book wot ever was -ftTitten. and is worth all other works put togetlier. It is the himmoi-tal Peter Beckford's Thoughts upon 'Unting. Thoughts upon 'Unting ! " repeated Mr. Jorrocks, cast- ing up his eyes to the ceiling. " My vig, wot a title ! Take any page of the book you like, and it's full of reason and genuine substantial knowledge. See ! " said Ml'. Jorrocks, " I've opened it at page 268, and how his opinions tally with my own. " ' Hegemess and impetuhosity,' says he, ' are such essential paiis of this diwei-sion, that I am never more sui-prised than when I see a fox-'unter without them.' Ohai-ming idea I " exclaimed Mr. Jon-ocks, looking up again at the ceiling. " Dash my vig I how ti-ue it is. W lio ever heard of a lazy fox-'unter ? A man may be late for everything — late to bed. late to breakfast, late A FRTOHTFTJI, COLLISION I RECKFOTID ?'. HEN 201 to the lord mayor's show— but if he's a real out-aud- outer, hell uever be late at the kiver side. Vot, I ax. should be done with a man wot is slack ? Wot should l>e done with a man wot is slack, I axes you. Binjimin ? " rei^eated Mr. Jorrocks, after pausing for an answei-. Benjamin was beat for a reply; but seeing his master's glisteniniff optics fixed upon him, he at length drawled out, " Don't know, I'm sure." " Don't know, you l)ep:g:ar ! " responded Mr. Jorrocks. ]»nstlinjgr as he spoke, "I'll tell you then, you warmint. He should 1)6 "ung— choked— tucked up short, in fact! " ■' Yez-ir." said Benjamin, quite asrreeable. '■ Now then,'" continued Mr. JoiTocks, searching in the table of contents for the chapter he wanted, " I wants to tell you what the {?reat Mr. Beckford says about the vipper-in, and I begs you'll pay "tickler 'tention to it. for every word deserves to be jorinted i' letters o" gold, and then, when you understand the duties o' your hoffice. James Pigg and you will go 'and-in-'and together, like the sign of the Mutual Assurance hofiBce. and we shall liave no more -nTanglin' about shoulders o' miitton or who's to have the upper 'and. — 'Unting is a thing," con- tinued the M.F.H.. "wot admits of no diwersity of opinion— no diwision of interests. We must be all on one side like the 'andle of a tin -pot, or like Bridgenoi-tli election. The master, the 'ounds, and the servants, are one great unity, radiatin' fi-om a common centre, like the threads of a Bedfordshire Ijobbin ]jillow — hem— and all soi-t o' thing— Now," continued Mr. Jorrocks, turning to the book,—" here's the chapter wot I wonts.— No. 9, page one hundred and twenty-two, and agaiii. let me entreat your eaniest attention." Mr. Jori-ocks then commenced reading as follows: — '■ With regard to the vipi)er-in. he should be attentive and otedient to the 'untsman ; '—attentive and obedient to the 'nntsman, you hear, Binjimin. that is to say. always on the hxjk-ont for orders, and ready to obey them— not 'anging back, slniflliir, ;md ably have most to do, the lighter he is the l>etti^r. though if he lie a good 'ossman the oV)jection of his weight will he s\ifticiently counter- balanced.' " Then mark what he says— "' He irmstnot l^e coneeit-f'd.'— Tliat's abeuutiful idee," observed Mi-. Jorrocks. fixiriu' his eyes on the boy, "and one to which 1 ninst 'eartilv muv " (litto.' 202 TTANBLKY CROSS '"Ho must not be conceited !' No, imleecl he must not, if he's to serve under me, and wishes to "scape the ■quaintance of my l)ig vip. No conceited beggar will ever do for J. J. 'I had one fomerly,' " continued Mr. Jorrocks, reading on, '"who, 'st«ad of stoppin' the "ounds as he ought, would try to kill a fox hj himself. This fault is unpai'donable.' " Dash my vig if it isn't," exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks, " a nasty, dirty, shabby, selfish trick into the bargain.— 'Ow I would trounce a chap wot I caught at that game— I'd teach him to kill foxes by himself. But "ark to me again, Binjimin. " ' He shoidd always maintahi to the 'untsman's holloa, and stop such "ounds as diwide from it.' " That's excellent sense and plain English,"" observed Mr. JoiTocks, looking at the boy. " ' He should alvvays maintain to the ■uutsinan"s holloa.' Do ye "ear. Binjimin? " ■■ Yez-ir,"" replied the boy. ••'When stopped, he should get forrard with them, arter the "imtsman. " Good sense again."" observed Mr. Jorrocks. '• ' He must always l>e content to hact a hunder part.' '• Mark those words, Binjimin, and let them be engraved on your mind's memory. , , '■ • He must always be content to hact a hunder part. Mr. Jorrocks then omitted the qualifying sentence that follows, and proceeded in his reading. " ' You have heard me say, that when there is much riot, I prefer an excellent vipper-in to an excellent "untsman. The opinion, I believe, is new ; I must there- fore endeavour to explain it. My meanin' is this— that I think I shoidd have better spoi-t, and kill more foxes with a moderate 'untsman, and an excellent vipper-in, than with the best of 'untsmen without such an assistant. You will say, perhaps, that a good 'untsman will make a good vipper-in, not such, however, as I mean;— his talent must be boni with hiui.' " ' His talent must l^e born with him,' " repeated Mr. JoiTOcks, " that is to say, he must have the bump of Fox-vm-ta-tiveness werry strongly deweloped ; "—adding to himself, " wonder if that Ijeggar Binjimin, has it." He then resumed his reading. " ' My reasons are that good 'ounds (bad I would not keep),'— Nor I, nouther,"— observed Mr. Jorrocks,— '"oftener need the one than the other; and genius, which in a vipper-in, if attended by obedience, his first A FRTOHTFUL COLTJSTON 1 BECKFORT) ?'. BEN 203 requisite, can do no 'uvt ; in an "nntsmau, is a dangerous, thougli a desirable quality; and if not acconipaniedwith a laro-e share of prudence, and I may say. "umility, Will oftentimes spoil your spoi-t and \iYt your 'ovmds. A sren'leman told me' that he heard the famous Will Dean, wlien his 'ounds were runnin' 'ard in a line with Daventry, frou) whfMue they were a( that tiiiif iiiany miles distant, swear exceedingly at the vipi)or-iii.' "A wen-y improper procoedin' on his part," observed Ml-. JonvK-ks, without looking off tlio bf)ok. " ■ Sayin', Wot business have you Vm ?— the man was 'mazed at tlie en P—The man got forward and reached the earth jest time enough to see tlio fox go in.' 201 HA^NBIiEY OTlOaS " '0\v piovokm","" observed Mi-. Jorvooks, " alisolutelv dietressin' — enough to make a Harchbishop s^ ear. Don't know that I ever read any thing more 'eai*t-rendin'. The 'onnds most likely been racin' .and teariu' for blood, and then done out on't. Dash my vig if it hadn't been a main earth. I'd ha' dug him ! " continued he, thinking the case over. Presently, a loud snore internipted our friend, and looking up. Mr. JoiTocks discovered Benjnmin sound asleej), ^nth his head hanging over his left shoulder. Shutting the Ijook in disgust, Jorrocks took a deliljerate aim at his whipi^er-in's head, and discharged the volume with such precision, that he knocked the back odf the book. Benjamin then ran roaring out of the room, vowing that JoiTOcks had fractured his skull, and that he would '■ take the law of him " for it. CHAPTER XXII THIO CUX-l.iM-UUWN C.Al'XAI^.S Having uow j^ot aliuntsnuin.aiKl iirnnij.'"-'! witli Duucuu Neviii for inoinitiii); liim until he foil in with KUHin<'8S matters arranged in tJio City, he wouM he all leady for a start; " hnsiness fir!-:t, and jilfa^nre ai-terwards," liavinK always heen icking their teeth, twiddling their luxuriant moustaches, and stroking their stomachs with the utmost comiilacency. Mr. Jorrocks's entry rather dis- turbed them. ■■ Old boy's made a mistake," whispered the hussar, raising his eyebrows as our creaking-booted fi'iend deposited his reversible coat and writing-case on the sideboard — tlie captain adding aloud, "What shall we have to dwink ? " " Do us no harm, I des-say," replied Brusher, staring intently at JoiTOcks, adding, " 'spose we say clart ? " " Clart be it," rejoined Crasher, ringing the bell, and presently they had a jug of tolerable St. Jullien, doing duty for Chateau Margaux. The glasses being large, and the measure thick and highly cut, the men of war were not long in discussing its contents, and a second bottle, with an anchovy toast, presently followed. The captains then began to talk. They were the crack men of their respective regiments, then quartered at Furloughton, each with an admiring knot of his own, and each with the most sovereign contempt of the othei-'s i^rowess. To hear them talk each other ovei' after mess was peculiarly edifying. " "Well, what the deuce anybody sees in that Crasher's equitation, 1 can't for the life of me imagine I " Brushei- would exclaim, amongst his ovni set, " Rider ! I really think he's the very worst rider I ever set eyes on ! " Then the hussar would express his opinion of Bnisher. '' Poor Brasher, ];oor devil ! " Crusher wuuld say, " he in without exception the greatest humbug that ever got on a horse — greatest THE CUT-EM-DOWN CAPTAINS 207 tailor I ever saw in my life." And so the ^uUaut men turned out each morning fuU of envv, hatred, and malice, with the fixed determination of cuttins? each other down, regardless alike of hounds, master, and field. Hark to their conversation 1 "Well. I think I never had a better week's work," observed Crasher, throwing himself back in his chair, and eyeing Jorrocks, to see what effect the announce- ment woidd have upon him. " Had sixteen falls in five days." '• Sixteen, have you i' " exclaimed Brusher, doubtingly ; ■■ I didn't think you'd had so many. I've had fifteen." " No, sui-ely ! ' replied Crasher, incredulously. " Yes, I have," asserted Brusher, confidently—"' Three on Monday, two on Toosday, four on Thursday, three yesterday, and three to-day." " Three to-day I " reiterated Crasher. " Yes, three," repeated Brusher. ■' Ah, but that's reckoning the mill reservoir," observed Crasher. " Well, 8iu-ely one's entitled to reckon the reservoir - was deuced near disowned." " Well, but I was in the reservoir too," oljsei'ved Crasher, " so that makes me seventeen." " But mark I I was in first ! " rejoined Brusher, ener- getically. ■■ Ah, but you didn't take tlie stiff post and rail with tlie yawTier out of Cricklewood-spiny though,"' exclaimed Crasher. ■' 'Cause I wasn't there, my dear fellow." replied Brusher; " neitlier did you take tlie brook at Watei-field Glen, or the stiff stake and rice-bund on tlie toi) of Cranfordh.'el Hill." ■■ Oh 1 didn't I, my dear feller I that's all you know," sneered Crasher. "I took it just after Tom Stot's liorse all but came back over at it. Help yourself, and let's dwink fox-hunting," continued lie, filling a l)Uinj)er and passing the claret jug to his friend, or his foe, whichever lie considered him. "All, fox-'untin' indeed." grunted old Jorrocks frum l)ehind liib Times newspaper— " glad you don't "unt with me— should "ave to insure all my 'ounds' lives :md my own too, 1 should think." The captains having done honour to the sport that accommodated them with so muered " Just so," nodded the man. "■ Hup the spout.'' jerking uj^wards with his thiuul.>. "I thought he looked like a fast 'un," rejoined Mr. JoiTocks. ■■ They'll be 'avin' im' fast afore long, I'm a thinkin'," otisei-A-ed the groom. •" Mr. Castor 'ere has wot he calls a lion on his 'osses for I don't know 'ow much." '■ Wot. you're staudin' 'ere, are ye ? " asked Mr. Jorrocks. '■ Yes, and 'ave l»een these six weeks, at sixpence a quartern for whoats and all other things in like pro- portion." "//?-deedI" ejaculated Mr. Jorrocks, thinking he wouldn't like to keep horses on those temis. " Well," continued he, thinking it might lead to something, " 'ave ye aught good for anything ? " "They're not bad 'osses, none on them," replied the groom ; " aU past mark o' mouth and all done work, but they can go." " Can they ? " said Mr. Jorrocks, wondering if they woidd carry Pigg. " I assure you they can," responded the groom con- fidentl}'. " Can-y weight 'f " asked Mr. Jorrocks in an off-hand sort of way. " Why, 1 doesn't know that they'd can-y t/uu," smiled the man, eyeing our friend's substantial form; "but they'd can-y anytliing i' moderation." " Oh, it's not for myself," retorted Mr. Jorrocks, with a frown and a toss of the Iiead; "I'm a commercial gent, an i; 8. d. man, not one o' your cut-across country cliaps; only if 1 could pick uj> a thing clicMp tliiii would ride and go in 'arness 'casioiially, J wouldn't luiud a trifle. But I'm not a figurante not a three figur' man at all," added lie,- " far from it - keeps no cats wot don't catch mice." "Well, either of ours will go in 'arness," replied the groom. " Vot ! 'ave you only two ! " exclaiuicd Mr. Jorrocka, wliy the man talked as if he 'ad twenty.'' " Only two to call our own — our own habsolute own," cxplahied the man "tlic rest are jobs twelve guineas 212 HANDIiBT CROSS l)er luuar mouth, aud precious ard times they 'ave of it, I can tell ye. He does knock 'em about, I assure you." Just then, Castors, the landlord, came to say that Mr. Bugginson had arrived, and availing himself of the introduction, Mr. Jorrocks sought an opportunity, after he got matters aiTanged with his traveller, for having a little conversation with Castors, beginning on indifferent subjects, and drawing gradually up to the captain, when, finding the groom's statement pretty well confinned, Mr. JoiTocks slipped with Castors into the stable to have a look at the nags. Amidst the heaps of clothes and straw in which they were enveloped, our master found pretty good, though abused legs and big _ hocks, and after observing that he'd " seen wus 'osses," he quietly with- di'ew, arm in arm with the landlord. " You see," said Jorrocks in an undei-tone, " I'm only a ti-adesman— a post-hoffice directory, not a peerage man— and I doesn't give extravagant out o' the way prices for nothin' — least of all for 'osses, biit if it so "appens as you 'spects that these quads o' the caiitin's come to grief, why I wouldn't mind takin' of tliem at a low moderate figiu- — twenty or ftve-and-twenty pund p'raps— or maybe hup to thirty-jest 'cordin' as they looked out o' doors by daylight, sooner nor they should be degraded i' the 'bus or get into an old ooman's cruelty- wan." " Just so, sir," replied Castors, thinking it well to have a customer in view. " As to their 'untin' qualities," continued Mr. JoiTocks, with a pshaw and a pish, " I doesn't look at 'em at all i' that light. It's no commendation to a man wot wants an "oss for his chay to be offered one that can jump hover the moon." " Certainly not," replied Castors, who sat a horse with firmness, ease, and grace, until he began to move, when he generally tumbled off". "So," continued Jorrocks, " if you find yourself in a fix, you know where to send to," our friend diving into hia pocket as he spoke, and fishing out an enonnous steel-clasped, purple-backed bill-case, from whence he selected one of his City cards, "Jorrocks & Co.. Grocers and Tea Dealers, St. Botolph's Lane," and presented it to Castors, who received it witli a bow. They then passed by a side-door into the bar, where successive beakers of brandy and water })eguiled tliotime and caused Mr. Jorrocks to be vciy late, or rather very early (past three a.m.) in getting back to Handley Cross. CHAPTER XXTV helinda'h ukau As Mr. Jorrocks sat at a late brenkfust— his wlj^less aching liead onveloped in a damp towel -tlie pawing of a horse at the trellised archway of Diana Lodge caused him to look nj) from his woll-sprend fahlo to i-oconnoitre the movement. "Dash my vig, if here ha'int Stobbs!" exclaimed he, 2U HANDT-KV CROSS Juuipine: up in ecstasy, and bolting his bottom piece of nmfliu. "Stobby!"' exclaimed Mrs. Jorroclcs, rushing to the eagrle-topped mirror. " Stobbs ! " ejaculated Belinda, almost involuntarily, with a blush and a smile, and Jorrocks ran foul of Betsy in the passag'e, as she came to announce that " Mr. Stobbs was at the fjate." Charley Stobbs was just four-and-twenty — handsome, lively, and j^ray, he was welcome wherever he went. In heigrht he was just five feet ten, full-limbed, but not coarse, with a cleanness of make and shape that bespoke strength and muscular activity. His dark brown hair clustered in unstudied locks upon a lofty forehead, while bright brown eyes beamed through the long fringes, giving life and animation to an open, intelligent countenance. Charles was the only son of a rich Yorkshire yeoman — of a man who, clinging to the style of his ancestors, called himself gentleman instead of esquire — Gentlemen they had been styled for many generations, and son had succeeded sire without wishing for a change. The old lattice-windowed manor-house, substantial and stone-roofed, stood amid lofty oaks, upon a gentle eminence above the bend of a rapid river — myriads of rooks nestled in the branches, and the rich meadows around were studded with gigantic oaks, and venerable weather-beaten firs. The finest flocks and herds grazed in the pastures, ducks were on the pond, pigs and geese I'evelled in the stubbles, while the spacious yard at the back of the house contained Dorking fowls, the finest turkeys, and tlie best of cows. Old Stobbs was. in short., a gentleman fai-mer. His wife had been dead some years, and Charles and a daughter were the only ties that bound him to the world. The laudable desire of seeing one's son better than (me's self induced old Stobbs to give Charles a good education, not that he sent him to college, but he placed himat a good Yorkshire school, which, just as he was leaving, and the old gentleman was wondering " what to make of him," he happened, wliile serving at York assizes, to be stnick with the easy eloquence or " grand tongue," as the country people call it, of a neighbour's son, whom he remembered a most unpi-omising boy, that he determined to see if Charles would not train from the saddle and gun and make a grand-tongued barrister too. Having ascertained the line of study that gentleman BELINDA R BEAT! 215 luifl jinrsiied. in due eoiirse. old Stol:)bs and his son started for Loudon, and after a week's si^ht-seeing, during which they each had their ])ockets picked half a dozen times while staring into shoi» windows, they tmmcl themselves one line morning at the chamliers of the great Mr. Twister, in Lincoln's Inn Square. Mr. Twister was one of those legal nuisances called conveyancers, whom it is to be hoped some contrivance will be found to extinguish, and he could find a loop-hole for an iinwilling purchaser to creep out at in the very best of titles. Having plenty to do himself, he took as many pupils as ever he could get. to help each other to do nothing. Each of these paid him a hundi-ed g\iineas a year, in return for which they had the run of a dingey, carpetless room, the use of some repulsive-looking desks, and libei'ty to copy twenty volumes of manuscript pre- cedents, that the great Mr. Twister had copied himself when a pupil A^dth great Mr. Somebody-else. The chapel clock was striking nine as father and son entered the dismal precincts of Lincoln's Imi, and before they got to the uncouth outer door that shuts in the chamber set, the great conveyancer had handed his old macintosh to his bustling clerk, and was imlling a little brown wig straight, jireparatory to setting to for the day. Tlie newly-lit fire shed a scanty ray over the cheer- less, comfortless apartment, which was fitted up with a large librai-y-table piled with red-taped dusty papers, the representatives most likely of many thousand acres of land, and the rag of a cari)et under it, three or four faded morocco chairs, and a large glass book-case, with a twenty-year-old almanack flopping in front. ■' Good morning, gentlemen," said the parchment-faced old man, as tlie clerk ushered the fresh fly into the spider's web. " Hope to make your better acquaintance," Vx)wing to each. Old Sto])l»H would have sat down and told Twister all liopes and fears, Vjut the latter, though a voluminous conveyancer, was a concise conversationalist, and soon f'ut short the dialogue by looking at his watcli, and pro- ducing a little red volume indorsed CASit hook, he politely inquired what (!liristian name ho should futer. and then observing that ))iK clerk would receive tlie foe, and show Mr. Charlos what to do, he civilly bowed them into the outer room. j jContrasting Twister's brevity with his country solicitor's lofpiacity, old Stolilis told over liis hundred giiineas to Mr. Bowker, tlic aforesaid clerk ; and just as 21 f) HANDLEY CROSS lie was leaving' Lincoln's Inn. liis mind received con- solation f(.>v the otherwise unpromising investment, by seeing the Lord Chancellor arrive in his coach, and enter his coni-t, preceded by the mace and other glittering insignia of office. "Who knows," thonght old Stobbs to himself, "but Charles may some day occupy that throne;" and an indistinct vision flitted across the old man's mind, of stuffing the woolsack with the produce of his own sheep. Shortly after, with an aching heart and fei'vent jjrayers for his son's happiness, the old gentleman returned to Yorkshire ; and Charles, having removed his portman- teau from the Piazza to a first-floor lodging in Hadlow Street, Burton Crescent, made his second appearance at the chambers of Mr. Twister. " Oh, it's you ! " exclaimed Mr. Bowker, answering the gentle rat-tat-tat at the outer door, " come in. Sir, come in — no occasion to knock ! No ceremony ! — Paid your footing you know— One of us." Mr. Bowker, or Bill Bowker. as he was generally called, was a stout, square-built, ruddy-complexioned, yellow- haired, bustling, middle-aged man, with a gi-eat taste for flash clothes and jewellery. On the present occa- sion, he sported a smart nut-brown coat, with a velvet collar ; a sky-blue satin stock, secured by numerous pins and brooches; a double-breasted red tartan waistcoat, well laid back; with brownish drab stockingette pan- taloons, and Hessian boots. A great bunch of Mosaic seals dangled from a massive chain of the same material ; and a cut steel guard, one passing over his waistcoat, secured a pair of mother-of-pearl-cased eye-glasses, though Bill was not in the least short-sighted. "You're early," said Bowker, as Charles deposited a di-ipping umbrella in the stand. " You don't look like a sap either," added he, eyeing Charles in a free and easy sort of way, for Bill was a real impudent fellow. " What is the right hour ? " inquired Charles, with a schoolboy sort of air. " Right hour ? " exclaimed Bill, " any time you like- saps come at opening, others at noon, the Honourable not till afternoon. There are two chaps copying pre- cedents now. that the laundress left here at ten last night — (tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, went a little hand-bell). There's the old file himself," observed Bill, bundling off, adding, as he went, " be back to you directly." Belinda's beau 217 '"Coufouud these covenants for quiet enjoyment 1"" muttered he, returaing and opening a pigeon-holed cupboard, hibelled like the di-awers against a chemist's shop wall with all sorts of titles; "I get no quiet enjoy- ment for them, I know. One, two, thi-ee— there— three and one left," returning a few sheets of manuscript to their hole "free from incumbrances."' "Wish I was," thought Bill — ''and for further assurance — one, two, three,"' counted Bill, "now let"s see if he"ll have the fiu-ther assm-ance to ask for any more to-day."' "Well now, what can I do for you?" inquired he, returning from the delivery of his " common forms." " There's Squelchback"s settlement, that most pupils copy — five hundred pages ! Great precedent ! produced ten issues, an arbitration, and a Chancery suit. "But I think I've something in my pea-jacket that will siiit you better," obsei-ved Bill, taking up a great coarse large-buttoned pilot jacket, and ijroduciug a paper from the pocket. " There," said he. opening it out, "there's JiclVs Life in London; you'll see a letter from me signed 'Ajax.' Bring it back when you've done, and don"t let the Honourable catch it or he'll burn it." Saying which. Bill pi-esented our pupil with the paper, and opening the door of an adjoining apai-tment, usnered Charles into a room on the riglit, in which sat two youths in very seedy, out at elbow coats, copying away out of manuscript books. " Mr. Stobbs, gentlemen I " exclaimed Bill with an air of importance, " Mi-. Frost, Mr. Stobljs ; Mr. Stol )bs, Mr. Frost ; Mr. Jones, Mr. Stobbs ; Mr. Stobl)s, Mr. Jones." Mr. Frost and Mr. Jones half rose from their chairs, and greeted Mr. Stobbs much in the manner of debtors receiving a chum into tlieir already overcrowded apart- ment. Frost and Jones were both working men; with tlieir ways to make in the world, they had paid their liundred guineas for a higli-sounding name, and ])ctaken themselves to tlie meclianiral dnidgcry of j^rocedcnt copying, witli an industry wortliy of a bott^M- dirfction. StobW early appearance at chaiulicrs ins])ir('een a great fight at No Man's Tiand, l)etween Big-headed Bob and the Pet of the Fancy, wliicli 2]fi KANPT.EY CROSS ii-ppearod in tlio sjlowinc: lanji^uage in wliicli poor Vin- cent Dovvlinp:, as ^ood a man as ever lived, vised to clothe his pugilistic acconnts. How Bijr-head was caught, and his uoh put in chnncei-y, how lie sent the Pet's Teeth down his trap in return, how both were floored, and picked up by their seconds with their claret corks out. Then there was a host of con-espondence ; complaints against stewards; accounts of races; hints to judges; and Ajax's letter, in which he assumed the toga of his master, and dating from Lincoln's Inn, gave some very queer law respecting landlord and tenant. The chal- lenges too were numerous. Ugly Bon-ock of Bristol would eat boiled mutton and turnips with any man in England; Tom Jumper had a ten-ier he would match against any dog of his weight for ten sovereigns, to be heard of at the Jew's Harp, City Road; Joe Scamp could be backed to whistle; Tom King to run on all fours ; and the Lord knows what else. The advertisements, too, were peculiar. In addition to the usual inquiry after hounds, and offers of horses, there were a suit of Daniel Lambei"t's clothes for sale, a preserved boa constrictor serpent, notice of vocalization and frontal frapidigitation, and the meeting of the judge and jury society at the Coal-hole. Charles kept reading and wondering, amid occasional inteiTuptions from the an-ival and introduction of pupils. They were mostly gentlemenly men, somewhat choked into idleness by the prolixity of Squelchback's settle- ment. Indeed, their chief claims to the title of reading men consisted in the peiixsal of the newspapers, of which old Twister furaished the Times, and they clubbed together for the CJironicle, Bowker's Life was well known, and what with it and a i^air of cord trousers Charles had on, they made up their minds that he was a " spoi-ting gent." Between twelve and one o'clock all the gentlemen except the Honourable had an-ived, and the old question of " fire " or " no fire " was broached. This had been an open question in the chambers ever since old Twister commenced taking double the number of pvipils the room would accoinmodate, and as it furnished great scope for eloquence and idleness, the debate frequently lasted a couple of hours, during which time the saps used to sneak out to dinner, genei*ally getting back in time to vote. This day they stayed, expecting the new pupil would " hold forth," but he was so absorbed with BTin-rNT»A.'S BEAIT 219 BrlVa Life, that when called u])()u l>j- the chair, lie grave a silent vote ; and just as Bill Bowker answered the hell, and let off his old joke about issuing a fiery facias, " the Honourable " arrived, and the room was full. The Hon. Henry Lolliugion, the ninth son of an Earl, was quite a used-up West-end man. He was a tall, drawling, dancing soi-t of a man, in gi-eat request at balls, and had a perfect abhoiTence of anything coarse or common-place. He was a mortal enemy to Mr. Bowker, whom he kept at ann's length, instead of treating as an equal, as some of the pupils did. "Mr. Bowkrtr," drawled he, as he encoiuitered that woi-thy in the passage, '" bring me a piece of paprrr, and let me give you orders about my lettm-s — I'm going to Bath." " Yes, my LuD I " responded Bill, in a loud tone, to let Charles hear what a great man they had among them. " Dem you, Mr. Bowkrn-, I'm not a Lord,'' responded the Hon. Mr. Lollington. "Beg pardon, my Ludl" replied the impei*turbable Bill, bustling out, Charles at this moment had got into the notices to correspondents, and was chuckling at their humorous originality : — " ' Suppose one man to wilfnlly firo at another with intention of takincr away his hfe, but accidentally misses his aim and kills another, will the laws of our country find this man guilty of wilful murder ? ' a«ked a correspondent. " ' No,' rei>lied the Editor, ' but a jury will, and he will be comfortably handed.' " ' A pnake is not a "barber," although he " curls." ' ' The ciuorist i.s not " B'lake headed," ' was the answor to another. " ' We are not aware that a negro boiled, turns white. If Niger will boil one of his children and it turns black, the problem will be solved," he obscrs'cd to another. "J. O. — The ' roxpectable class of servants' alluded to, are very properly employed in turning the mangle ; wo wish, in their leisure hours, they would turn J. G. inside out. "The bcRt euro for carbunclfs is to rub them with cheese, and sleep in the domicilo of mire, who will eat them off in a night. " The ra«8culino for ' flirt ' is cock llirt, if there be such a wretch, " Apropos,— Hand-shaking is vulgar in polite society upon merely meofing ladies. Pay your respects to the ladies first, married before single. " Magdalen. — A gentleman may jilt as well as a latly." The following American story gi*accd the cohuuns of sreneral information : — "The N«obo Awn the ('hkiise,— The l}otlon Pntt says that up iit the west-end of that city there is a Kood-natiirrd, fuii-inaking negro, named Parsis, who hovers round llie grr)cnry stores in that noighbour- hoorimmed hat, pea-jacket up to his ears, tights, and Hessian boots, too. " Sorry to have kept you waiting, sii-," said Bowker, in the most respectful tone, as he approached the figure. "Allow me to introduce my friend Mr. Stobbs— York- shii-e gentleman, sir, of great property— Mr. Stobbs, Mr. Jorrocks ; Mr. Joirocks, Mr. Stobbs," adding, nuttu voce, to Stobbs, " member of the Right Worshipful Company of Grocers." Mr. JoiTocks raised his hat. and Mr. Stobbs did the same, and then Bowker offering an arm to each, they proceeded on their way. High Holboi-n, what with its carts, coaches, busses, and general traffic, affords little opportunity for con- versation, and it was as much as tlie trio could do to keep their place on the flags. " Cross here," obsei-ved Mr. Bowker, as they neared the nan-ower part of the street, and passing under an archway, they suddenly entered upon darkness. Savage yells, mingled with the worrying, barking, and howling of dogs, issued from the upper part of a build- ing on the right, and Bowker with difficulty made himself heard as he halloaed for Slender Bill. " I 'opes it's all right," observed Mr. Jorrocks, twisting liis watch in his fob, and tripping over a heap of some- thing that lay in his way. '■ Oil, all right, I assure you, sir," replied Bowker, tripi^ing up also. "Confound the rascals," continued lie, " near as a toucher broke my neck." " Slendek, a-hooi ! " roared he, after three or four i ineffectual lialloas. "Coming, masters! coming!'' ex- claimed a voice, and a i^erson appeared on the top of a step-ladder, holding a blacking-bottle, with a candle stuck in the neck. "Conic, Billy! come!" exclaimed Mr. Bowker. ptjOviHlily. ■■iiied down tlu* ladder, and hold- ing the caudle low enough to discover the steps, crawled backwards, followed by Mr. Bowker and his [);uty. " What's to pay '^ ' iuipiired Mr. Jorrocks, us he reached 224 IIANDLEY CROSS the landiug, of a forbiddiiig-lookiuf? one-eyed haer, sitting in a little curtained corner, partitioned from the scene of action by a frowsy green counterpane. ■■ Oh, Mr. Bowker's free here," observed Bill to his gentle wife, drawing aside the curtain and exhibiting the interior. What a scene presented itself ! From the centre of the unceiled, hugely-rafted roof of a spacious Imilding, hung an iron hoop, stuck round with various lengths of talloAv candles, lighting an oval pit, in which two savage bixll-dogs were rolling and tearing each other about, under the auspices of their coatless masters, who stood at either end applauding their exertions. A vast concourse of ruffianly spectators occui)ied the benches rising gradually from the pit towards the rafters, along which some were carelessly stretched, lost in ecstasy at the scene below. Ponderous draymen, in coloured plush breeches, with their enormous calves clad in dirty white cotton stock- ings, sat with their i-ed-capp'd heads resting on their hands, or uproariously applauding as their favourite got the tuni. Smithfield drovers, with their badges and knotty clubs ; huge coated hackney coachmen ; coatless butchers' boys; dingy dustmen, with their great sou'- westers; sailors, with their pipes; and Jews, with oranges, were mingled with Cyprians of the lowest order, dissolute boys, swell pickpockets, and a few simple countrymen. At the far end of the loft, a par- tition concealed from view, bears, badgers, and innu- meral)le bull-dogs ; while " gentlemen of the fancy " sat with the great i-ound heads and glaring eye-balls of others between their knees, straining for their turn in the pit. The yells and screams of the spectators, the baying of the dogs, the growling of the bears, the woiTy- ing of the combatants, and the appearance of the company, caused a shudder throiigh the frames of Mr. JoiTOcks and the Yorkshireman. A volley of yells and plaudits I'ent the building as the white dog pinned the brindled one for the fourteenth time, and the lacerated animal refused to come to the scratch, and as the pit was cleared for a fresh " set-to," Slender Billy, with a mildness of manner contrasting with the rudeness of the scene, passed our party on, and turned out two coal-heavers and a ticket-iioi'ter, to place them advantageously near the centre. This was a signal for renewed uproar. " Make vay for tlie real swellh) wot pay ! " roared a stentonan voice from the rafters. BELINDA S BEAU 225 •' Crikey, if y the Lord Major ! "' responded a shrill one from below. "Does youi- mother know you're out?" inquired a squeaking voice just behind. • •' There's a brace of plummy ones I " exclaimed another, as Bowker and JoiTocks stood up together. "Luff, there I luff! Ije serene!" exclaimed Slender BiUy, stepping into the centre of the pit. making a sign that had the effect of restoring order on the instant. Three cheers for the Captain were then called for by some friend of Bowker's. as he opened his pea-jacket; and while they were in course of payment, two more Imll-dogs entered the pit. and the sports were resumed. After several dog-fights, Billy's accomplished daughter lugged in a Ijear, which Billy fastened by his chain to a ring in the centre of the ijit. '■ Any gentleman," said he. looking round. '" may have a nin at this 'ere hanimal for sixpence ; " biit though many dogs struggled to get at him, they almost all turned tail on finding themselves solus with Bruin. Those that did seize were speedily disposed of. and the company being satisfied, the bear took his departure, uud Billy announced the badger as the next performer. Slender Billy's boy. a lad of nine years old, had the fii-st i-uu at him, and brought the badger out in his mouth, after which it wa.s dra-wm ]>y terriers at so much a nm, dui-ing whicli Mr. Jonocks'criticized their per- foi-mances, and with the aid of Charley Stol^bs succeeded in selecting one for the glorious old SuiTey. But enough of Slender Billy and his bull-dogs. He was a well-known cliaracter, but all we have to do with him just now is as the medium of introduction between .Ton-ocks and Stobbs. That introduction ripened into intimacy, and many were the excursicms our friends had together, JoiTocks finding casli. and the Torkshireman company. But for .Torrocks. and perhaps Belinda, Stobbs would very soon have left the law wliose «!rotchety • luibbles are enoiigli to disguHt any one with a taste for truth and straiglitfoward riding; and this lengthened episode brings us back to tlie ])oint fiom which we stai-t«d, namely, Charlfsy's arrival at Handley Cross. " 'Ow are ye. my lad o' wax 'f " exclaimed Air. JoiTOcks, bouncing out in liis sky-blue dressing-gown and slippers, as Charley appeared at the garden gai<', where we have most unceremoniously kept him standing during hir. int rfxlurf ion. "Delighted to sec youl" continued Mr. .JorrocLs, 22(\ JIANDLKY CROSS wringinfif his hand, and hoppmg about on one leg; " most 'appy indeed ! Bed for yourself — stable for your 'oss; all snug and comfey, in fact. Binjimin! — I say, Binjimin ! " " Coming, sir !— coming ! " replied the boy, setting himself into a fustian coat. " Take this 'ere 'oss to the stable, and bid Pigg treat him as one of his own — waiiu stall— thick blanket — lots o' straw — and cinished com without end. Now, come in," said he to Stobbs, "and get some grub; and let's hear all about it." In, then, they bundled together. Pretty Belinda took Charles's proffered hand with a blush, and Mrs. JoiTOcks re-entered the room in a clean cap and collar just as the trio were settling into seats. What a burst of inquiries followed ! " 'Ow's the dad ? " asked Mr. JoiTocks. " 'Ow did you come ? " inquired Mrs. Jon'ocks. " How is your sister ? " half whispered Belinda. " Where have j'^ou been since we last saw you H " was demanded before Stobbs had answered any of the pre- ceding, and a great ci-y of conversation was got up. In the evening Mr. Jorrocks celebrated the event with a couple of bottles of fine fruity port, and a night-cap of the usual beverage — " B. and W." as he briefly designates his brandy and water. SNrO AND COMFKr CHAPTER XXV MK. JORROCKS AT EARTH 'DkakMi:. J. MASTER took a cooling di-anght— a couple of seidlitz powders— the next morning, intending to lie at earth, as he said, and was later than nsual in getting down-stau-s. Stobbs improved his oppor- tunity, and got sixteen kisses of Belinda, according to Ben's reckoning, who was listening outside, ei-e Mrs. Jorrooks made her appear- ance either. A voluminous coirespondence— a week's St. Botolpli's Lane letters, and many private ones, some about liounds, some aliout horses, awaited our master's descent. The first he opened was the following from our old friend Dick Brag : - "London. (■ n VT^i^-.{ ^*^"*" ■' '"='>' i'lv'lvo a «-liarge of fickleness, I feel it due to myself to make the followintr communication : "The fact of my liaving ..fVered iny services to you Driving tranRi.ired, I have been so pcrs.'cntcd with remon- stranc^s from those whose judgment and gc.d opinion 1 value, and representations of the imjx.licy of accepting office, other than m similar cidministrations to those I hj.v- hf-ictofoip co-oj>erat.-d with, that T icnllv have no •■'lt-in;.five hut most ro8|Kictfully lo recpiest ' that you will ;,ii,,w mc to withdraw my previous communicatioii. 228 HANDLEY CROSS It is. I assure you, with great reluctance that I make this aiinoTincemeiit, knowing, as I do, by sad experience, the difficulty there is in obtaining talent even under the most favourable circumstances, let alone in the middle of a season, when every body worth having is taken up ; biit it is one of those casualties that cannot be helped, and, in making this communication, allow me to assure you, Sir, that I shall always speak of you with respect, Sir — yes, Sir, I shall always speak of you with respect, Sir, and esteem you, Sir, as an upright gentleman and a downi-ight fox-hunter. Allow me to subscribe myself, ■■ Yours very faithfully, "Rich. Buaog. " To — JoEliOCKS, KSQUIKE, " Handley Cross." " Ah ! Rich. Bragg indeed," grunted Mr. JoiTocks when he read it, '" you must think I've a deal more o' the Michaelmas bird i' me than I 'ave to believe you wrote this afore you got my letter. There, Batsay," said he, as the handsome maid now entei-ed with the hissing urn. "t;ike that." handing it to her, "and make curl-papers on"l. and don't you be so 'eavy on my witey -brown." The next letter he selected was from Mr. Bowker. "Lincoln's inn, London. "Deak Sik, -"'■■'"On calling to pay The Life for your advertisement of ' A hunting-man wanted,' he expressed a wish for you to contribi;te information respecting the siiort with your hounds ; and, knowing I had the honour of your acquaint- ance, he wished me to sound you on the subject. He says he gets lots of pot-house accomits of stag, and bag fox-hunting, with han-iers, and such like rubbish ; but what he wants is real sporting accoulits of runs with superior establishments like yours. An editor, you know, can't be everywhere, or he would like to have a horse in every hunt in the kingdom ; l>ut he says if you would have the kindness to f uniish (jff-hand accomits, he would spice them up with learning and Latin. He has 'Moore's Dictionary of Quotations,' and can come the classical quite as strong as the great Mr. Pomponiua Ego, whom they reckon the top-sawyer in that line. Some gentlemen. The Life says, send their accounts to a third party, to l)e copied and forwarded as from an indifferent jjerson; but that consumes time without MR. JORROrKP AT EARTH 229 answering a liod our mastor, >K)lting a large pier*' of muffin. "'Andy as ladies' maids. Can do everything cept pay their own pikes." 232 HANDLEY CBOSR Despite this confident nsseition, Sto1)bs still Ktuck to liini. First lie proposed that Pigg and he should take the honnds out together. This Jorrocks wouldn't stand. " Be sure to get into mischief." Then Stobbs thought it would do Jorrocks a vast deal of good to have a bump on one of his great rough horses. Our master couldn t quite gainsay this, though he did look out of the window, observing that the sxm had risen very red, that he thought it would rain, and he shouldn't like to get wet. '■ Oh, it '11 not rain," rejilied Stobbs — "not till night at least," added he, confidently. "Don't know that," grunted Mr. Jorrocks; "Gabey seems to be of a different 'pinion," added he, as the noble old peacock now emerged from under a sun-bright Por- tugal laurel, and stretching his neck, and flapping his wings, uttered a wild piercing scream. " Dash my vig, but that looks like it ! " exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks ; adding, as he caught up his right foot with a shake of his head, " Gabriel Junks is seldom wrong, and my corns are on his side." Still Stobbs persevered, and, by dint of agitation, at length succeeded in getting Jon-ocks not only to go out, but to have a draw in Newtimber Forest; Stobbs observing, and Joirocks assenting', that there would be very little more trouble in running the hoiuids through the cover than in trotting them along the road. And, with some misgivings, Jon-ocks let Stobbs go to make the aiTangements, while he applied liiniself vigorously to his letters. CHAPTER XXYI A QUIET BYE IGG was all eager for the fray, and readily came into StoljV»s' sujrgestion. that they should go out, and just take their chance of finding a fox, and of his going to ground or not as luck and his courage served. "Ai-'ll gan to'ard Dun- can's, and get liis grey for wor Ben," said Pigg, "gin ye'll set the led on to seddle the rest." adding, "the Squi-er ai-'s warned 'ill I'ide Arterxerxes." Off then Pigg went to Duncan Nevin's, and re- turned with a woe-begone looking horse in a halter, Ijef ore Stohba had made any progress in his department. Ben was not to be found. Neither at Mrs. Candy the tart-woman's, nor at Mrs. Biffin's apple-stall, nur at Stran the saddler's, nor at any of his usual haunts, was anytuing to be heard of tlin Iwjy. The fact was, he liad l.>een unable to resist a rido at the back of a return chaise passing along Juniper Street, and l>eing caught by his apron in tlie spikes, liad been carried lu-arly to Copse Field before he got himself disentangled. Tli<^ oracle Gabriel liaving continued his monitions, Mr. JoiTocks thought to make tlin aljsence (^f the boy an excuse for not going, l^ut now having IxjthStobbsand Pigg ranged ii gainst him, he was soon driven from the attempt. Pigg said, "Srnii-er Stolibs wad de quit^ iir weal aa Ben," and Jorrocks, little loth at heart iierhaps. 234 TFANPLKT ORORR at length lioisted liimself on to Axterxerxes with a swag that would have sent a liglit-cai-cassed horse over, letting the now smai-tly-clad Pigg ride the redoulitable Xerxes. So with Stohbs in front, jorrocks with the hounds, and Pigg behind, tliey set off at a gentle trot, telling the inquirers that they were only going to exercise, a delusion that Mr. Jorrocks's hat seemed to favour. Blimp. Innnp, — jog, jog, — on they went; Mr. Jorrocks now chiding, now coaxing, now dropping an obsenration fore or aft, now looking at the sky. and now at his watch. " Des say we shall find pretty soon," observed Mr. JoiTocks ; " for they tells me the cover has not been disturbed this long time ; and there's lots of lyin'— nice, and di-y, and warm — foxes like damp beds as little as Christians. Uncommon pretty betch, that Barbara, — like Bravei-y as two peas, — by Billin'sgate oitt o' Benedict, I think. 'Opes we may get blood ; it'll do them a deal o' good, and make them steady for the Beef and CaiTots. Wen we gets the 'ounds all on the square, we 'ill 'ave the great Mi'. Pomponious Hego to come and give us a good hoiling. Nothin' like soaj)." " Hooi ! you chap with the turnip caii. ! " now roared onr mastei', to a cartman coming up ; " vot do you mean by stickin' yonr gi-eat iigly wehicle right afore my 'ounds ! — Mr. Jorrocks' 'ounds, in fact ! I'll skin ye alive ! " added he, looking at the man, who stood staring with astonishment. And again they went, bump, bump, jog, jog, at that i^leasant post-boy pace, that has roused the bile of so many sportsmen, and set so many riders fighting -with their horses. At length they reached the cover side, — a long wood stretching up the sides of a gently sloping hill, and widening towards the siunmit. On the crown there stood a clump of Scotch firs and hollies, forming a landmark for many miles round. Tixming from the high-road into a grass field on the right, the party pulled up to reconnoitre the groimd and make their final arrangements. "Now," said Mr. JoiTocks, standing erect in his stirrups, and pointing with his whip, which had the effect of making half the pack break towards the cover, — " Now." said he, as soon as he had got them turned, " this is a good big wood — 'two 'nndi-ed acres or more — and they tells me the foxes generally lie on the risin' gi-ound, towards the clump. The vind's north-vest ; so if we puts in at this point, we shall draw up it, and p'rhaps get close to the wai-mint at startin', which is a grand thing ; but, A QFTET BTK 235 howsomevev, let's be doin'. Draw your prirtlis. Pi^£?. or j-our 'oss "11 slip through his saddle. Now observe, there are three rides— one on each side, one hup the middle, all leadin' to the clump ; and there are cross ones m all directions; so no man need be 'fraid o' losm hmiselt. Now let's put in. Pifrg, open the wicket." " It's looked." observed Pigsf. ninnmg the hammer ot his whip into the rails, throwing himself off his horse. and pulling a gTeat clasp-knife out of his pocket as he spoke. '' Sink, Init it ave trars mar knife laugh to see a lock put uix)n leather." added he, as he drew the huge blade across the stiff band that secured the gate. Open flew the wicket— in went the iiack with a dash, a crash, and a little music from the riotous ones, which gradually yielded to the " Have a cares ! " and " Gently, AVeniis ; '• Gently, Lousey " (Louisa), with the ci*acks of the whips of Mr. JoiTOcks and his huntsman. "Now. Pigg, my frind. let's have a touch o north country science," obsem^ed Mr. Jorrocks. bringing his hoi-se alongside of his huntsman's, " I'd like weU to kill a fox to-dav; I'd praise you weri-y much if we did." "Aye, 'aye." said Pigg. " Hoic in, Lousey I bolid puddin's better nor empty praise. Have at liim there, StateBman. old boy,— ye look like a finder. De il bon me, but ar thought ar winded him at the crossm there, aAded Pigg. pulling his horse short back to a cross ride he had just passed. " Hoic in there. Priestess, ould gal.'' said he. to an old bla<-k and white bitch, feathering round some gorse among the underwood; waving his hand as lie spoke. " That's gospel, ar wan-ant ye," continued he, watching her movements. . . _,. „ " What wiirt tak' for t'ard nag ? ' mfiuired Pigg, ot a besom-maker, wlio now came down the ride with a wi-etehed white Rosinante, laden with stolen brushwood. —"Have at him there, Challenger!" si^eaking to a hound. "Twenty shillin'," replied the man. . "Gie ye eight!" was the answer.— " Yoo), push liim up ! " to the hound. "Tak' twelve." rejoined tlie tinker. ^ Good horse- can get up of hisself, top puller and all ! " "Aye, but we dinna want him to poole; we want Inm to eat." replied Pigg. " Ho'^ .«////.'' exclaimed he; " ar has him !— Tat,i,v-ho ! " roared Pigg. cramnung his spurs into his horse, iind dashing pawt JorrockH like a shot. Out went botli horns -twang— twang— twang sounded Pigg's; wow! wow! wow! wont J oiTocks's in deeper and 386 HANDTwEY CROSS more siiLstantial notes, and in a very short time the hody of the pack were laid on the scent, and opened the concert Avith an overpowering burst of melody. " Oh, beautiful ! beautiful ! " exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks, in raptures, as each hound put his nose to the ground, and acknowledged the cori'ectness of the scent. " Oh, beautiful indeed ! " added he, thumping the end of his horn upon his thigh, as though he were cutting large gun-waddings out of his breeches. " 'Ow trae to the line ! best 'ounds in England, by fai" — never were such a pack ! Shall have a rare Chevy — all alone to ourselves ; and when I^ets home I'll write an account to BeWs Life and The Field, which nobody can contradict. Hark forrard ! hai-k forrard ! hark forrard ! away ! " continued he, ramming the spurs into Ai-terxerxes's sides, to induce him to change his lumbering trot into a canter, which having accomplished, Mr. JoiTocks settled himself into a regular home seat in his saddle, and pounded up a grass ride through the centre of the wood in a peilect frenzy of delight, as the hounds worked their way a little to his right with a full and melodious cry. " Hould hai-d, ye sackless ould sinner ! " now cried Pigg, crossing the main ride at a canter, and nearly knocking Jorrocks off his horse, as he charged him in his stride. " Had (hold) bye, ar say ! " he roared in his master's ear ; " or ar'll be dingin' on ye down — fox crossed reet in onder husse's tail, and thou sits glower- in' there and never see'd him." Out went both the hoi-ns again — twang! twang! twang ! — wow ! wow ! wow ! " Hark together ! hark ! get fon-ard, hounds, get forrard ! " cried Mr. Jorrocks, cracking his ponderous whip at some lingerers tliat loitered on the ride, ques- tioning the con-ectness of their comrades' cry. " Get fon-ard, I say," repeated he, with redoubled energy. " Confound your unbelievin' souls ! " added he, as they went to ci-y. " Now they are all on him again ! Oh, beautiful! beautiful!" exclaimed Mr. Jon-ocks in ecsta- sies. " I'll lay five punds to a fiddler's farthin' they kill him. Mischief in their cry ! — a rare scent — can wind him myself." So saying, he gathered up his reins again, thrust his feet home in the stiniips, crammed the spurs into his horse, and rolled back on the ride he had just come up. " Hark," now cried our master, pulling up short and holding his hand in the air, as tliough he had a hundred and fifty horsemen at his tail to check in their career. "Hark!"' again he exclaimed; "whoay, A ut twenty niiuutos to four, " thiit we adwer- tised, for there's a wast o* go left in hiui yet, and hell take the shine oiit of some of our "ounds Ijefore he is done with them— send them cb-a^glin' 'ome with their stems down — make em cry capevi, I'm thinking." "Niverfear!"' exclaimed Pigg— "niver f ear I— whativer ye de, keep Tamboreen a rowlin' — yonder he gans ! ar wish it mayn't be a fresh un. Anx't di'aggled a bit." "the biggest box whatever was seen" "Oh, I 'opes not!" exehiimed Mi-. Jorrocks, the picture of des])air. " Would eat liim, brush and all, sooner than that. Oli, dear! oh, dear ! a fresh fox would be cniel — 'ounds desei-ve him — worked him well." " Now they begin to chass ! " exclaimed Pigg, listening to tlie ripening chonis. " Ayo, Init thei-e's a grand scent I — Ar'U Ije the death of a shillin' if we de but kill him. How way, ould man, how way," continued Pigg, A (^UIET l!\K 239 cheeringly, jerkinfj liis arm to induce his master to follow. ■■ Whatever ye de, keep Tamboreeu a rowlin" ! " continued Pigg, spiui-ing and jagging his horse into a canter. On man and master go — now they meet Charley, and all three are together. Again they part company for different rides, each according to his fancy. There is an evident improvement in the scent, but whether from a fresh fox, or tlie hoimds having got nearer the hunted one, is matter of doubt. Mi". JoiTocks is elated and excited beyond expression. The hounds are evidently working the fox, but the fear of a fresh one rather mars his enjoyment. The hounds turn short, and Pigg and Charley again join Mr. JoiTocks. "Al man alive, but they are a dustin' his jacket!" exclaimed Pigg, pulling up to listen ;— " iv'ry hund's at him ; " saying which he pulled out a large steel box and stuffed his mouth full of tobacco. ****** A sudden pause ensues — all still as death — not a note — not even a whimj^er. "Wlio hoop!" exclaims Mr. JoiTocks in ecstasies — " Who hoop ! I say— heard the leadin' 'ound crack his back I Old Cniiser for a guinea ! " ****** " Yonder they gan ! " cried Pigg, pointing to a hog- l^acked hill on the left, over whicli three couple of hounds were straining to gain tlie body of the pack — saying wliich he olapt spxirs to his hor.se and dashed off at full gallop, followed by Charles. ****** "Oh, dear 1 oh, dear I" exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks. the picture of despair- "wot sliall I do J' wot shall I do!' — gone away at this lioui — strange country — nol;ody to pull tlie 'edgCH down for me or catch my 'os if I gets spilt, and there's tliat Pigg ridiu' as if there was not never no such iiiaii as IiIh master. Pretty kettle of fish I " continued Mr. JoiTocks, trotting on in the line they had taken. A bridle-gate let hiui out of coyer, and from the first hill our iiiaster sees liis lionnds going like niK'eons over tlie large grazing grounds of Beddington Bottom.s. with Pigg and Stobb.s a little in the i-eai'. riding as hard as evr-r thfiv lior.sos cuii lay legs to tin' ground ♦ *,•#••♦ -I'" HANDLKY OROBB " 'Ow that Scotch be^^ar rides ! " exclaiiued Mr. Jor- rocks, eyemg Pi^'g s-oiiig as straight as au arrow, which exclamation brought liim to his first fence at the bottom of the hill, over which both horsemen had passed without disturbing a twig. " 'Old trp, 'oss ! " roared Mr. Jon-ocks, seizing the reins and whip with one hand and the cantrel of the saddle with the other, as Arterxerxes floundered side- ways through a low fence with a little runner on the far side. " 'Old up ! " repeated he, as they got scram- bled through, looking })ack and saying, " Terrible nasty place— wonders I ever got over. Should ha' been di-und to a certainty if I'd got in. Wouldn't ride at it again for_ nothin' under knighthood— Sir John .ToiTocks, Knight!" continued he, shortening liis hold of his horse. " And my ladyship Jon-ocks ! " added he. '• She'd be bad to 'old— shouldn't wonder if she'd be for goin' to Halmack's. Dash my buttons, but I wish I was off this beastly fallow," continued he; "wonderful thing to me that the farmers can't see there'd l^e less trouble i' growing grass than in makin' these nasty rutty fields. "Eayens be praised, there's a gate— and a lane too," saying which he was speedily in the latter, and gathering his horse together he sets ofB at a brisk trot in the direction he last saw the hounds going. Terribly deep it was, and great Ai-terxerxes made a noise like the drawing of corks as he blobbed along through the stiff, holding clay. Thus Mr. Jorrocks proceeded for a uiile or more, until he came upon a red-cloaked gipsy wench stealing sticks from a rotten fence on the left. " 'Ave you seen my 'ounds, ould gal ? " inquired he. pulling up short. '■ Bless your beautiful countenance, my cock angel ! " exclaimed the woman, in astonishment at the sight of a- man in a scarlet coat with a face to match ; " bless your beautiful countenance, you're the very babe I've been looking for all this blessed day - cross my palm with a bit o' siller, and I'll tell you sick a fortin ! " " Cuss YOUR FOETIN ! " roared Mr. JoiTocks, sticking spurs into his horse, and grinning witli rage at the idea of having pulled up to listen to such nonsense. "I hope you'll brick your neck, ye nasty ugly old thief! " rejoined the gipsy, altering her tone. " 'Opes I sharn't." muttered Mr. JoiTocks, trotting on to get out of hearing. Away he went, blob, blob, bi()l>- bing through the deep liolding clay as before. A QUIET BYE 241 Presently he pulled iip aj^ain with a " Pray, my {^ood man, 'ave you seen my "oimds — Mr. Jorrocks's 'oiuids, in fact ? " of a labourer scouring a feuce-gutter. " Don't you 'ear me, man?"' bellowed he, as the comitryman stood staling with his hand on his spade. " I be dull of hearin', sir," at length diuwled the man, advancing very slowly towards our master with his hand up to his ear. "Oh, dear! oh, dear!" exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks, start- ing off again, " was there ever sich a misfoi"tinate indi- widual as John JoiTOcks? — 'Ai-k! vot's that? Pigg's 'oni ! Oh, dear, only a cow ! Come hup, 'oss, I say, you hugly beast!— there sm-ely never was sich a wortlaless beast laijped in leather as you," giving Arterxerxes a good douole thonging as he spolie. " Oh, dear ! oh, dear!" continued he, "I wish I was well back at the Cross, with my 'ounds safe i' kennel. — Vot a go is this ! — Dinner at five — baked haddocks, x^rime piece of fore chine, Portingal honions, and fried plum-puddin' ; and now, ])y these darkenin' clouds, it must be near foui-, luid here I be's, miles and miles away — "ounds still runnin', and adwertised for the 'Beef and Carrots' on Wednesday— never will be tit to go, nor to the ' Daisy ' nouther." "Pray, my good man,'' inquired he of a di-ab-coated, liig- basketed farmer, on a Ixiy cart-horse, whom he suddenly encountered at tlie tuni of the road, " 'ave you seen any- tliing of my 'ounds ? Mr. Jorrocks's 'ounds, in fact ? " "Yes, sir," replied tlie farmer, all alive; "they were running past Langford plantations with the fox dead beat close afore them." " 'Ow long since, my frind ? " inquired Mr. Jon-ocks, brightening up. " Oh, why just as long as it's taken me to come here — meblje ten minutes or a quarter of an hour, not longer certainly. If you put on you may Ije in at the doatli yet." Away went spurs, elbows and logs, elbows and h'gs, Ai^terxerxes was again impelled into a canter, and our worthy master [tounded along, all eyes, ears, iind fears. Night now drew on, the darkening clouds began to lower, bi'inging with tliem fog and a drizzling rain. " Bad go this," said Mr. Jorrocks, rubbing his hand down his coat-sleeve, and raising liis face to ascertain tlie precise amount of tlie fall. " Bad go, indeed. Got my Sunday 'at on, too. Hooi, bouys ! did you see th' 'ounds ? " inci^uired he of a troop of satchel-slung youths, plodding their ways homeward from schuol. It 242 HANDLBY CROSS " Y-e-a-s/' at length drawled out one, after a good stare at the inquirer. ■' 'Ow long since P come, quick, boxxy ! " " May be twenty minutes ; just as we com'd past Hookeni-Snivey cluirch we see'd fox, and hounds were close ahint — he was rarra tired." " Twenty minutes," repeated Mr. JoiTocks, aloud to himself ; " twenty minutes — may be a weiTy long way off by this; foxes travel fast. Vich way were they a-goin' ? " " Straight for Staunton-Snivey," drawled the boy. " My vig ! " exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks, " vot a run ; if we don't kill wen-y soon, it'll be pitch dark, and then there'll be a pretty kittle o' fish — th' 'ounds will kill all the ship (sheep) in the country — shall have a bill as long as my arm to pay." Fear lent fresh impetus to our worthy friend, and tightening his hold of Arterxerxes's head, who now began tripping and stumbling, and floundering along in a most slovenly manner, Mr. JoiTocks trotted on, and reaching Hookem-Snivey, saw by the foot-people stand- ing on the churchyard wall that the hounds were " forrard " ; he turned down a lane to the left of the village stocks, in the direction the people were looking, and catching Staunton-Snivey in the distance, set off for it as hard as ever he could tear. A pretty clattering he made down the stony road. Night now drew on apace, and heavy darkening clouds proclaimed a fast approaching stonn. At Staunton- Snivey he learned that the hounds had just crossed the turnpike on to the Downs, with the fox " dead beat close afore them ; " and still unwilling to give in, though every moment increased his diflBculties, he groped open a bridle- gate, and entered u])on the wide-extending Plain. The wind had now risen, and swept with uncommon keenness over the vinprotected open. The di-izzling rain, too, became changed into larger, heavier drops, and thrusting his hat ujoon his bi'ow, Mr. Jorrocks buttoned his coat up to the throat, and wrapping its laps over his thighs, tucked them in between his legs and the saddle. Dismal and disheartening were his thoughts, and many his misgivings for his rashness. " Oli, dear ! oh, dear ! " muttered he, " wot a most momentous crisis — lost! lost! lost ! — completely lost ! Dinner lost ! 'ounds lost, self lost — all lost together ! Oh, vot evil genius ever tempted me from the lovely retirement o' Great Coram Street ? Oh! why did I neglect the frindly wanain' o' Gabriel Junks P Change, change — stonn, storm — was in his A QUIET BYE 243 every scream, and yet I would go. Cuss the rain, it's gettin' down my werry back, I do declare ; " saying which he tiu-ned the blue collar of his coat up to his ears, and both laps flew out with a desperate gust of wind. " Ord rot it," said he, " it's not never no use persewerin', may as well give in at once and 'ark back to Snivey ; my Berlins are wet thi-ough, and I shall be cU-enched in another second. "Who-ay, "oss! who-ay; stand still, you hugly beast, and let me listen." The ducking- headed brute at length obej-ed. _ *■ It is the 'oin," exclaimed Mr. JoiTocks, iifter sitting listening for some time, with liis hand to his ear ; " it is the 'om, Pigg's not far off ! There it goes again, but the 'owling wind can-ies so many ways, there's no saying whereabouts he is. I'll blow, and see if I can 'ail him." Mr. JoiTocks then drew out his horn, and puffed and blew most lustily, but the raging tempest scattered the notes before they were well out of his mouth, and having exliausted his breath, he again paused, horn in hand, to listen. Between each blast of the raging hurricane, the faint notes of the hora were heard, some coming more fully as the gale blew more favourably, and a fuller one falling on his ear, during a period of partial lull, Mr. JoiTocks determined on advancing and endeavouring to rejoin his lost huntsman. " Come hup, I say, you hugly beast ! " exclaimed he, getting Arterxerxes short by the head, and digging the spurs freely into his sides. The lumbering biiite acknowledged the compliment with a sort of half hitch of a kick. " Great henterpriseless brute— do believe you'd rayther "ave a feed o' corn than the finest run wot ever was seen," observed Mr. Jorrocks, cropping him. Night had now closed in, and even the sort of liglit of darkness that remains so long to the traveller wlio joiimeyH onward with the closing day, desei-ted him, and earth and sky assmned the same sombre hue : - " The tiraxou wiujf of night o'oihprciul tho cartli." Scarce a star was vi.sible in I ho finiiament, and tlie few scattered lights that appeared here an)x.'d liLick silk stockings, over the gauze ones, Mr. .Torrocks speedily found himself in a pair of shorts, which, l>y dint of tiglit girthing, he managed to bring up to the middle of his calves. The captains cravat was of black satin, the waistcoat a white one, articles, as Mr. JoiTocks oltsorvod, tliat could be reefed or let out to fit anyone, and having plunged into the I'ocmiy recesses of a l«lue coat, with Conservative liuttons, he suiweyed tlie wliolo in the cheval glass, and pronounced them " wen-y good." He then exchanged the captain's lily and rose worked slijipers for his i)at<'nt ]<'ather l)imii)H. and the Iiraiidy iicting f()rcil)ly on iin empty stoinacli, biuiislied ;ill diflidenco, and niadt^ .Jorrocksring the bell as tliough the house were his cns'n. " You've got me into a pretty scrape with the Earl," said W.'ilkor, cntf'rinir the room. "T tliought you were Captain Widuwfield. 252 IIANBLEY CROSS " Did yoii ? "" replied Mr. JoiTOcks, placing himself before the fire with a coat-lap over each arm. — " You'll know better ;inother time. — But tell me, what Hearl is it you are talkin' about ? " " The Earl of Bramber, to be sure," replied the servant. " What ! this is his shop, is it ? " inquired JoiTocks — "Ongar Castle, in fact?" '■ Yes ; I thoutrht yo\i had been one of the party when I showed you in here," replied Walker. " Oh, never mind," said Mr. JoiTOcks, " where there's ceremony there's no frindship — I makes no doubt I shall be weiTy welcome. — See ; there's five shillin's for you," "rivincf him a dollar. "You mustn't let the captin in here thoiigh, mind. Now tell us, is there any grub to get?" "Dinner will be served in a quarter of an hour," replied Walker. " Dinner ! " exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks, looking at liis watch ; " ten minutes past seven, and not dined yet ; what will the world come to next ? Dead o' winter too ! " Walker then conducted him down-stairs, and ushered him into a splendid drawing-room, brilliantly lighted up, whose countless mirrors reflected his jolly person a hundred-fold. The housemaids were just giving the finishing sweep to the grates, and the footmen lighting the candles and lamps, when our master entered; so making up to a table all covered with pamphlets and papers, he di-ew an easy chair towards it, and proceeded to make himself comfortable. Lord Bramljer was the first to enter. He was a tall, handsome young man, of delicate appearance and gentlemanly manners. He wore mustachios, and was di-essed in a black coat and trousers, with a white waist- coat. Seeing a stranger, he had no difiiculty in settling who he was, so he advanced with a bow and extended hand to greet him. Mr. JoiTocks was up in an instant. "My Lord, ^ necessitas non liahet legs,^ as that classical stableman, Mr. Pomponious Hego, would say — or, ' "unger makes a man bold,' as I would say — I'm wen-y glad to see you," saying which he shook his lordship's hand severely. "Thank you," replied Lord Bramber, smiling at his guest's hospitality ; " thank you," repeated he — " hope you left Mrs. Jorrocks and your family well." " Thank'e," said Mr. JoiTOcks, " thank'e, my lordship," A QUIET BYE 253 as the existence of liis better half was brought to his recollection ; " 'opes I shurn't find her as I left her." " How's that ? I hope she is not unwell ? " inquired his lordship with well-feigned anxiety. "Oh, no,' replied Mr. Jon-ocks, raising his eye-brows with a shrug of his shoulders ; " oh, no, only I left her iu a werry bad humoui', and I hopes I shall not find her in one when I gets back — haw, haw, havv-, — he, he, he, — s'pose yoiu' 'at (hat) covers your family — wish mine did too; for atwixt you and I and the wall, my lordship, women are werry weary waiinints. I say, my lord, a gen'leman should do nothin' but "imt, — it's the sport of kmgs, the image of war, without its guilt, and only five- and-twenty per cent, of its danger. You've got a werry good shop here — capital shop, I may say,' added he, surveying the rich orange silk furniture and gilding of the room. " Wonder how long this room is ? Sixty feet, I dare say, if it's a hinch ; — let's see." So saying, Mr. JoiTOcks, having set his back against the far wall, took a coat-lap over each ami, and thrusting his hands into Captain Widowfield's breeches pockets, proceeded to step the apartment. " One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, foui-teeu, fifteen, sixteen," when he was intennipted iu his measure- ment by the opening of the door and the entrance of some of the guests. He was introduced to each in succession, including Captain Widowfield, a big, red- whiskered, i)imply-faced, choleric-looking gentleman, to whom our worthy master tendered the hand of fellow- sliip, in i>erfoct ignorance of his being the person with wliom he liad held communion sweet through the door. Dinner was then announced. We suppose our readers will not care to have the names of tne guests who sat down to the banquet, or yet the wines or viands that constituted tlie repast; suffice it to say, tliat tlic company consisted chicfiy of jicople in the neigh Ijourhood, sprinkled with a few idle Honour- ables, who lend themselves out to ganiish country-houses in the dull season, and the Ijest Frencli and English cookery furuislied the repast. Despite the jjrevailing non-wlnoing fashion, everybody, save Captain Widowfield, diank wine with Mr. Jorrocks, and l>eiore the dessert appeared, the poor gentleman, what fi'om the effects of brandy on an empty stomach before dinner, and wine on a full one during it, began to clip her Majesty's Engliblj very considerably. "Never v.erc such 'ounJo du mine," he kept hiccupping, first into 284 HANDLE? CROSS one neighbour's ear and then into another. " Never were snch 'ounds (hiccup), certainly— hiu-rah, I say (hiccup), JoiTOcks is the boy! Forrard! hark, forrard, away (hiccup). You miist come and 'unt with me," hiccupped he to the gentleman on the left. " ' Beef and Onions ' on Wednesday (hiccup) — ' Candid Pig' — no, 'Mountain- Daisy' (hiccup) — Saturday— James Pigg is a real war- mint (hiccup)— a tiiimp, a real tmmp (hiccup), and no mistake. Give me port, none o' yoiu* clarety wines." The Earl of Bramber's health, of course, was proposed in a bumper, with " all the honours." Mr. Jorrocks hooped and halloaed at the top of his voice— an exertion that put the finishing stroke to his performances, foron attempting to resume his seat he made a miscalculation of distance, and fell with a heavy thump upon the floor. After two or three rolls he was lifted into his chair, but speedily resuming his place on the floor, Walker was summoned with two stout footmen to cany him to bed._ Captain Widowfield followed to make sure _ of his clothes : the gap caused by Mr. JoiTOcks's secession was speedily closed in, and the party resumed the conviviali- ties of the evening. The room to which o\Tr master was transferred was the dressing-room, over a large swimming bath, on the eastern side of the castle, and very cosily he was laid into a little French bed. Walker wound up his watch, Captain Widowfield walked off with his clothes, and our di-unken hero was left alone in his glory. The events of the day, together with the qiiantity of brandy and wine he had diamk, and the fatigiie con- sequent upon his exertions, combined to make Mr. JoiTOcks feverish and restless, and he kept dreaming, and tossing, and tui-niug, and tumbling about, withovit being able to settle to sleep. First, he fancied he was riding on the parapet of Waterloo Bridge with Arter- xerxes, making what he would call a teirible fore-paw {faux pas), or stumble ; next, that he was benighted on the common, and getting devoured by shepherds' dogs ; then, that having bought up all the Barcelona nuts in the world, and ^vl•itten to the man in the moon to secure what were there, he saw them become a drug in the market, and the fimi of Jon-ocks and Co. figimng in the Gazette. Next, he di-eamt that he had got one of James Pigg's legs and one of his own — that on examination they both turned out to be left ones, and he could not get his boots on. Now, that he was half -famished, and chained to a ^ .1 :?; 4^ A QUIET BYE 255 wall in sight of a roast goose — anon that the Qvieeu had sent to say she wanted to dance with him, and he conldn't find his piinips ; " No ! give him all the world, sir, he couldn't find his ijumps."' Now that the Prince wanted to look at Arterxerxes, and he conldn't find the ginger. " No : give him all the world, sir, he couldn't find the ginger I " Then he got back to the chase, and in a paroxysm of rage, as he fancied himself kicking on his back in a wet ditch, with Benjamin ninniug away with his horse, his di-eams were inteiTupted by a heavy crack, bang, splash sort of sound, and in an instant he was under water. All was dark and still. His dreams, though frightful, had all vanished as he awoke, and aftei' rising to the top he waited an instant to see if this would not do likewise ; but the sad reality was too con- vincing, so he began bello-^ving. and roaring, and si)lashing about in a most resolute manner. " Hooi I hooi ! hooi I " spluttered he, with his eyes and moutli full of water. " "Elp ! 'elp I 'elp ! 'elp ! I'm a drownin', I'm a di-oA\iiin' I Mr. JoiTocks is a di'ownin' — oh, dear! oh, dear! will noVjody come? — Oh, vere am I? vere am I? Binjimin ! I say. Binjimin! James Pigg! James Pigg ! James Pigg ! Batsay ! Batsay ! Murder ! 'elp ! murder ! 'elp ! " "What's happen'd? what's happcn'd ? what's happen'd ? Who's there ? who's tliere I"* Oh, dear ! oh, dear ! oh, dear ! " screamed half-a-dozen voices at once, i-ushing with candles into tlie gallery of the swimming bath. " Vot's 'appened 'i " replied Mr. JoiToeks, bl(ilil)ijig and striking out for hard life witli his whit« cotton night- capped head lialf under water; " Vy, I'm drownin'. — 'Elp ! 'elp ! 'elp ! I say I Oh, vill nobody come to 'elp ? " '■ Throw out the rope ! throw out the i*ope ! " cried half-a-dozen voices. "No; get a boat," responded Mr. Jorrocks, thinking there was little clioice h>etween liaiiging and drowning. "Oh, dear, I'm sinkin', I'm sinkin' I " "Come to thin side," cried one, "and I'll lend you a hand out I " thereupon Mr. JoiTocks stnick out with a last desperate effoii, and daslied his head against the wall. They then pnllod Jiini ont of the b.ith, and with great care and condohMic*! put him to l)fd again. He was still rather drunk —at least, not quitigly old man — one so shai']), the othnr so slow— "and yet what a stupe I am," continued Charles; "Aaron's just the sort of man 264 HANDLE Y CROSS to keep in the lioiise with a pretty pjirl ; '" and thereupon his host assumed the character of a fox-hunter, and Charles felt as if he knew him already. " No. that won't do," continued Charles, demolishing the vision he had just conjured up ; " she wouldn't have blushed so if she'd been used to kissing^ ; " and there- upon his spirits fell below zero. Stump, stiTuip, stump, creak, creak, creak, came old heavy-heels along the passage, disturbing Charles's reverie as well by his foot- steps as his sledge-hammer thumps at the door. Thrice did he thumi^ ere he would enter, and at length, when he did, having deposited a can of hot water on the wash- hand stand, he laid Charley's scarlet coat exactly in the centre of the table, and resuming his old position at the foot of the bed, cast his unmeaning eyes towards the pillows, and drawled out — " Pleaz. zur, do you pleaz to want anything elze ? '' " Nothing but my boots cleaned ! " exclaimed Chai-les, exhausted by his slowness, "though, perhaps," added he, as Aaron was stumping away, " you may as well make my compliments to your meazter, and say that a gentleman, who lost his way out with the hounds yesterday, wishes to pay his respects to him at breakfast — or rather (aside), to his breakfast." " Teaz, zur," replied Aaron, trudging out. Up Charles jumped, and making for the window, surveyed the prospect outside. Immediately below the ten-ace was an ill-kept g'arden, divided by massive dipt yew-hedges, opening by antiqne white gates upon an undulating park, girded by a river. A few cows stood listlessly to the sun, and two or three mares and yearlings scratched themselves with the lower branches of the trees with which the park was plentifully studded. The tufty grass showed the land was not overstocked. Beyond the river a rich grazing vale stretched to distant hills, whose undulating outline closed the grey horizon . Having made his sui-vey, Charles proceeded to dress. " Wish I had little blue-eyes to get me what I want," thought he, pulling on a stained stocking, and looking at his shii-t where the wet had soaked through his coat. Just then old Aaron was heard plodding back with his boots, which having placed at the door, he gave a loud thump, and asked if Charles wanted anything moi'e. ■■ On, no ! " replied Charles, opening the door, and taking in the dingy tops ; " but tell me, what did your master say to my message ? " ANOTHER BENIGHTED SPORTSMAN 265 " He said veiTa well," replied Aaron, stroking his hand over his wi^. " He said veira well,"' repeated Charles, shutting the door in disgust; "what an inhospitable answer^ — fear he's no fox-hunter — would have been up with shaving- pot and razors before this ; however, never mind, I'll soon be back to old J. and Belinda." So saying, he began handling his leathers ; they were tolerably dry, except at the knees, but were desperately the worse for wear — large mud-stains disfigured their creamy coloiir, and there was a gi-eat black patch down one side, where lie had rolled in the bog. However, he coaxed himself into them, and ]jnlling on his boots, he made the liest he could of his damaged blue neckcloth, while his cord waistcoat and red coat felt grateful for their acquaint- ance with the fire. He was nov/ ready for a stai-t ; and, the passage-clock striking nine, in an Aaron-like pace Charles made for the sound, and soon got into the gallery he had traversed overnight. Descending the zoological stair- case, he found his friend Aaron standing with his ear at a door, listening, like a tender at a rat-hole; Charley would fain have had a word with him, but Aaron gave liim no time for inquiiy, by opening a door, and discovering the top of a well-powdered head, with a pig- tail cocking above the red morocco chair. " The gentleman, zur," said Aaron, advancing to the })ack of the chair. Up jumped a little red-faced old gentleman, who, depositing a newspaper on the breakfast-table, made a ]jrofound Sir Cliailes Grandison salaam as he presented ;i full front to tlie entercr. He was dressed in a single-Vn-easted high-collared blue coat, witli largo silver buttf)n8, white cravat, with a black one over it, buff waistcoat, with flap-pockets, cut out over the hips, yellow Ifiitlior brceclies, and ro.se-coloured tegan muttoriug something anout fox-hujitiug. liidflnesH, bonighleil, hf)Spitality, liungi-y— the litth; old gentleman jerking and howing all the time, and motioning him into a chair on tiie other side of the round tal)le. (JIad to hide hiHdil;ipidatif)nK uniler tlie table, Chnrloy sidled Ui the seat, and tucking his najikin under his 266 HANDLEY CROSS waistcoat, cast his eye round the apartment, and then be^an to reconnoiti-e the well-funiished breakfast-table. His host resumed his seat, and jerking out his short legs as though he were on liorseback, fixed his little beady black eyes upon Charles, and opened a voluble battery with — " Charming sport fox-hunting ! — was a great sportsman myself !^ — one of the fastest of the fast — long since now— days of old Sef. in fact— have often sat up in the saddle-room at Qnoni playing cards till it was time to go to cover. Those n-ere the days ! No such young men now — degenerate race, quite— horses, too. all good for nothing— bad and weedy — no welters — shaU never see such horses or hunting again as we used then— real science of the thing exploded — all riding and racing — no such men as old Meynell— or Corbet, or Lambton, or any of your lasters. Swell masters ruin a country — go a burst, and are done — foxes now run short and bad — worse than hares — if it wasn't the grass the thing would be over. Pray make yourself at home. Take tea or coffee? None of youi' flagon-of-ale and round-of-beef breakfasts now-a-days — slip-slop, wishy- washy, milk-and-water, effeminate stuff' — spoil nerves — no such riders as there used to be. Cold fowl on the sideboard — Aaron will bi'ing some hot sausages directly. Tm-f seems all rotten — saw O'Kelly's young Eclipse win the Derby in 1781 — horses were horses then — Eclipse — Florizel — Highflyer — Juniper — men that might be called sportsmen and gentlemen too — not yovir half-lord and half-leg. " There was Lord Abingdon," continued the old gen- tlemen, telling them off' on his fingers — "Duke of Bolton — Sir Charles Bunbury — Mr. Bradyll — Lord Clermont — Ml'. Jolliff — rememl^er his bay horse, Foxhuntoribus by Fox-huntei', well. Then there was Lord Milsinto^vn — Mr. Pulteney — Mr. Panton — Duke of Queensbury — and a host whose names I forget. Ah ! those recollections make an old man of me. Well, never mind ! I've had my day, and the old 'uns must make way for the young ; " then, turning short upon Charley, who was glancing at the newspaper as it lay on the table, he said, with a jerk, " Allow me the ijrivilege of inquiring the name of the gentleman I have the honour of addressing." This was a poser, and coming after such a string of high-sounding names, poor Charles's humble one would cut but a poor figure It so hai)pened, however, that he was just skimming by a sort of sidelong glance the monthly advertisement of the heavy triumvirate, wherein ANOTHER BENIGHTED SPORTSMAN 2(57 well-known '" unknowns " make names for themselves mnch better than their own. There was " Shooting, by Ranger," and "Racing by Rover," and "Fishing, by Flogger," and in larger letters, as if the great gun of the number, "A Trip to Trumpington, by Pomponius Ego." ^ ^ Charles had just got so far as this, when suddenly inteiTOgated as described, when he unconsciously slipped out the words. " Pomponius Ego." "Pomponius Ego!" exclaimed the little gentleman, jumping on to his short legs as though he_ were shot. extending his arms and staring with astonishment, " I never was so out in my life ! " Charley.— "I beg pardon " "No apologies, my dear sir." interrupted our host, resuming his seat with a thump that stotted his short legs off the cai-pet. "No apology! no apology! no apology! We old men are apt to fancy things, to fancy things, to fancy things— and I candidly confess I pictured Pomponius Ego quite a different sort of man to myself." Charles.—" But if you'll allow me to ex " "No explanations necessary, my dear Mr. Ego— Mi-. Pomponius Ego, I mean," jabbered the voluble little old gentleman. " Eat your muffin and sausages, and believe me you're heartily welcome ; I've lived long in the world —take some more coffee— there's tea if you like it, but I never was so out before. Lord! if old Q.* could see me ! " continued he, clasping his hands, and casting his eyea up to the ceiling. Charley.—" Well, but perhaps, sir, " " There's no perhaps's in the matter, my dear sir — no ])orliapH in the matter; I'll tell you candidly, I pictured P(jiiiponiu8 Ego a pi-osy old cliap, wlio wfnt the horse- in-the-mill round of his stories from sheer want of originality and inability to move from home in search of novelty. The only thing that ever staggered me was your constant asHcrtion, that second liorses were un- known in Lpicestershirc in MeyncH'H time. Never was a greater fallacy, saving your presence! Always had a second horse out myself, thougli I only rode oiglit stim t*,'n never took soup for fear of getting fat -a liost of othfM-H had Hpcond liorseH— Lambton ajid Lockley. and Lindow and liOiniiic SiiiKh, and — But never mind! don't aesert tliat again, you know— don't Jissert that again. • The BjiorHntr Lord Qiiceiislmry ubcd to l>o caUed old Q. 268 HANDLEY CROSS Now take another sausapre," pushing the dish towai'fls Charley in a friendly, forprivinf? sort of way, as if to atone for the uneasiness the correction had occasioned him. " But I never said anything of the sort ! " exclaimed Charley, reddening np, as soon as he conld get a word in sideways. " Saving yonr presence, a dozen times," rejoined the little mercurial old gentleman — "a dozen times at least .'" repeated he, most emphatically. " The fact is, my dear sir, I dare say yon wi-ite so much, yon forget what you say. We readers have better memories. I noted it par- ticularly, for it was the only thing that ever shook my conviction of Pompouius Ego being a very old man. But let that pass. Don't be discouraged. I like your writings, especially the first time over. Few stories bear constant telling ; but yoii've a wonderful knack at dressing them up. " My father had a J0II3' knack at cooking up an almanack Yes, he had a jolly knack at cooking up an almanack. By the way, i/oit once cooked up an almanack ! and a pretty hash it was, too ! " added the little old gentle- man. "I'll tell you what," continued he, tucking his legs up in his chair, and grasping a knee with each hand; "Til tell you what — I'd like to match you against the gentleman that does the cunning advertisements of Rowland's Odonto or Pearl Dentifrice ; I'd lay — " " Zounds, sir ! " inteiTupted Charles. "Hear me out," exclaimed the old gentleman, ''hear me out ! " repeated he, throwing an arm out on each side of the chair ; " I'd match you to lead one further on in an old story, without discovery, than Rowland's man does with his puffs of paste, or whatever his stuff is." " But you are on the wi'ong scent altogether," roared Charles ; " I've nothing to do with Pomponius Ego or Pearl Dentifrice either.'' " Blastation ! " screamed the little old gentleman, jumping xip frantically into his chair, with a coffee-cup in one hand and a saxicer in the other ; " Blastation ! tell me that, when it's written in every feature of yoiir face !" So saying, he sent the cup through the window, and clapped the saucer on his head. " Come and feed the chuck cocks— pretty chiick ANOTHER BENIGHTED SPORTSMAN 269 cocks," said Aaron, stiiniprng in at the sound of the crash ; '" come and feed the chuck cocks— pretty chuck cocks," repeated he soothingly, taking his master down by the ai-m. and leading him quietly out of the room, observing to Stobbs as they went, '" It's yo\ir red coat that's raisin' him." CHAPTER XXVIII PIGG S POEMS ' 'Botit Lonnun, then, divent ye make sic a rout, There's nowse there maw winkers to dazzle : For a' the fine things ye are gobbin about, We can marra in canny Newcassel," — Pigg's Poems. AN ye let us lie i' yere barn, please, canny man ? " inquired Pigg of a fanner, at whose door he knocked a long time on the night of this memorable run, before he got him to answer. " Ar's di'ippin' wet, hviss is tired, and hunds can't travel." "Who are ye?" inquired the farmer, unused to visitors at any time, more particularly after night- fall. " Ar's Pigg, Squire JoiTocks's huntsman," replied James ; " we've liad a desperate run, and canna get hyem te neet." " S-o-o-o ! " replied the farmer in astonishment. " Here, Mary ! " halloaing to his wife ; " fetch a light, liere be the hounds. And hev ye killed him ? " inquired the fanner, looking closer at his visitor. "Aye, killed him, aye. Ar's gettin' his head i' my pocket— if ye can put your hand in you may get it — ar's see numb ar can de noiit." ****** " &i\ve-lie he's a big un ! " exclaimed the farmer, pull- ing out the head, and weighing it by the ears ; " Well, I think ! — but come, let's get ye put ui) — it's a tangible night ; not one for standin' out at doors. Here ! fetch the lantern, Jane, and help me to put the beast away, so as to make room for the gen'leman's horse ; " adding to Pigg, " you are surely very wet." Pigg. — " Wet, aye ! svet as muck. Ar wish ar may ha' getten all my liunds away though. If ye can let us have some clean stree i' the bani, wor ard maister 11 pay ye liberal for 't i' the mornin' — he's quite the gent." pigg's poems 271 '' A I never mind about the pay, we will do what we can for you," replied the farmer. So sayinj?, he led the way with the lantern, and the jaded horse and tired hounds followed on with Pi^g. The fanner's lads took the horse, while Pigg looked over his hounds, and finding only a couple and a haK wanting, he sliook them down plenty of straw, and retiu-ned to the house to see what he could get to feed them on. A tub full of milk, with bro^vn loaves sliced into it. was quickly prepared, but there was little demand for it, the majority of the hounds seeming to j)refer a continuance of the rest into which they were quietly subsiding to Ijeing disturbed for a meal. At length they had all been coaxed to the pail, and after a hearty shake each nestled into his neighboui", and the pack were soon in a very small compass. Having seen his horse done up also, Pigg began to turn his attention to himself. ■' Sink, but it's wet," said he, giving his cap a dash towards the floor, which sent a shower bath on to the flags ; " however, ar's lucky in gettia' housed at all ; for ar reaUy thou'ht ar'd ha' had to lie out like them poor divils at Chobham ; " saying which he followed the fanner into an apaiiment, in which sat his wife and daughters, roimd a fire composed ofja^little coal and a good deal of ruljl^ish-wood. " Ar think ar'll gan intrj the kitclieu," obsei*ved Pigg, looking at the fire. '■ Tiiis >je the kitclien," replied the farmer's wife, set- ting him a chair by the fire, thinking lie was sliy. Pigg sat down, and after contemi)lating the fire a few seconds, he exclaimed, " Ods wons ! b\it ye keep varry bad fires i' this country." " Nay, man." replied Mi-. Butterfield, his host, "we call that a viin-a good one. " "Ar doesn't ken what a ))ad uu 11 Im; like, then," rejoined James. "Well," said Butterfield, throwing on another faggot, "you are welcome to it, such as it is. What will you liave to eat ? " " Ought ye can give me," said Pigg ; " a rasher <>' V^acon, collops and eggs, or ought." casting his eye up at the flitclies and hams hanging from the ceiling, adding, " ar's mortal hungry." While the ra.shors of bacon were fi-jing, Bnlterfield made Pigg exchange his wet coat, waistcoat, and sliirt. for di-y clothes of his own, and adding a cold pork-pie 272 HANDLEY CEOSS and a flagon of ale to the hot bacon, Pigff was very soon in his glory- Having at length cleared the decks, he again turned to the fire, which, eyeing for some time with critical amazement, he at length exclaimed, with a laugh. '■ Sink, if mar coosin Deavilboger see'd sick a fire i" lus kitchen, ar wonder what he'd say ! " " You'U keep good fires in your country, then, I pre- sume ? " inquired Mrs. Butterfield. "Aye, fires, aye!" exclaimed Pigg; "nebody kens what a fire is but them as has been i' wor country." *' Wherealjouts is it?" inquired Butterfield, puzzled with his dialect. Pigg.—" A canny Newcassel, where all the coals come frae. You've niver been there, ar's wam'd, or you'd have heard tell o' mar coosin Deavilboger— farms a hundred and nine acres of land aside Kenton. Sink it, frae his loupin on stane ar's seen all the country side flaring wi' pit loues. Mar coosin's kitchen fire niver gans out frae Kirsmas to Kirsmas. A ! it is a bonny country ! By my soide, ar's niver been reetly warmed sin ar left the Noi-th. "Indeed!" exclaimed Mrs. Butterfield, in astonish- ment ; " your cousin must spend a fortin i' firin'." "Deil a bit— coals cost nout— if they did, folks wad wanu theirsels at the pit heaps. Iv'ry poor man has his shed full o' coals; gi-eat blazin' fires to come hyem te at night, a nice singin' hinnies, all ready for slicin' and butterin', swingin' o' the girdle— biit ye dinna ken what a girdle is i' this coimtry, ar's warn'd." " No," replied Mrs. Butterfield ; " we don t. "Why, ye see," said James, "it's a great round, fiat iron broad like, may be, three times as big as yom- hat- crown, with a hoop over the top to hank it on tiv a crook i' the chimley ; and then the missis makes a thing like a spice loaf, which she rolls out flat with a rollin'-pin, till it's the size o' the girdle, and about as thick as yeer finger, and then she bakes it on the girdle, and splets it up, and butters it see that the grease rims right down your gob as ye eat it." "Nay, then!" exclaimed Mrs. Butterfield, "but that will only be for gentle folk ? " ..,,.. Pigg _" ly-j-y man i' the country has a smgm hmnie of a Saturday night, and many of a Sunday, tee. There wasn't a man on mar coosin Deavilboger's farm but has his fifteen and sixteen shillin' a-week, and some up to " Wondei-f ul ! " exclaimed Mr. Butterfield, who only paid his eight. " It must be a grand coimtry to live in. PIGGS POEMS 27:5 " A, it's a granrl country ! " repeated Pitrg. "' Ar's sm-e ar's never been rightly warm sin' I left it. What they call a fire i' the Sonth. is nabbut what we wad tak to lig-ht one on witli i' the North;" rnbbinsf his wet cords as he spoke. "A, it's a bonny country! — bonny Shiney Raws all about the pits. Ivery man with his pig and his gairden ; sweetbriar i' the middle, and iioseys round about." " You must have a drop of gin. and see if that will wann you," rejoined Mr. Butterfield, unlocking a cup- board as he spoke. " Here. Mary, get some glasses, and put the kettle on, and let us have a cheerer to the gentle- man's health. It's not every night that brings us a visitor." A lai-ge black bottle of Hollands, labelled " Eye Water," part of a contraband cargo, was fearlessly placed on the table. More wood and coal were added to the fire ; the wood crackled merrily up the chimney, shedding a cheerful blaze over the family group circled about. One seat of honour was ceded to Pigg. the other was occupied by Mrs. Butterfield. while her two daughters came in between her and their father, who sat in the centre, and the seiwant lads kept a little in the rear of their master on the left. The seiwant girl bustled about in the background. " Help yourself, now," said Mr. Butterfield, passing the bottle and tumbler to Pigg, having poured himself and his wife each out a glass. " Don't be afraid of it ; yoii're heartily welcome, and there's more in the cupboard when yoii've finished that. Here's your good health! I'm fond of fox-hunters." " Thank ye," replied Pigg. filling his glass half full of gin, and to))ping it with hot watei-. " Ar wish the counti-y was made (/ sich chaps as ye ; we fihouldn't hear se much ' war wlieat ' then, ar's wani'd ye." Mr. B>ittoi-field did not catch the latter pai-t of the Hentpuce, or he would have read him a lecture on i-iding over wheat. A second half tiiuilih'v Kncceeded tlu' first, and Pigg waxed unconniioiilv jovial ; his eyos twiiikh'd, ;ui(l his t'>ngue ran riot with all manner of stories, cliicfly alii)ut liunting. the importance of his cousin Deavilliogcr, and the magnificence of the town of Newcassel. "Mr. ,Tor- n)ckH was nothing but a crood un. If it w.'isn't for him, he'd never stof) i' the South." At tho third liiilf tumbler, Deavilboger's fami liad grown into nine hundred acres, and Newfaasel wns bigger tlian fjomlon. "God sink ar'll sing ye a snng," said he, turning the 'iuid in his mouth. "A! one o' the lioniiioHt sangs that T 27 1 HA.NDLEY CROSS iver was snii^'— all about a do.ef o' wor toon, and when at- stamps wi' my foot, ye mun all join cliorus. Now ar 11 begin : — " In a town neai" Newcassel, a pitman did dwell, Wiv his wife named Peg, a tom-cat, and himsel; A doET called Cappy, ho doated upon, Because he was left by his great uncle Tom. Weel bred Cappy, famous au'd Cappy, Cappy's the dog, Talliho, Talliho ! " "Now, that last's chorus," obsei-vedPigg, wiping the tobacco stream from his mouth with his sleeve. " His tail ])itcher-handled, his colour ,iet black ; Just a foot and a half was the lenprth of his back ; His legs seven inches frer shoulders to paws. And his lugs like twe dockins, hung owre his jaws." Hereupon Pigg gave a mighty stamp, and the company joined in with — " "Weel bred Cappy, famous au'd Cappy, Cappy's the dog, Talliho, TalUho! " For huntin' of varmin reet clever was he, And the house frer a' robber- his bark wad keep free. Could ))aith fetch and carry; could sit on a stool, Or, when trisky, wad hunt vpater-rats in a pool. Weel bred Cappy, &c. " As Ralphy to market one morn did repair. In his hatband a pipe, and weel combed was his hair, Ower his arm hung a basket— thus onwards he speels. And enter'd Newcassel wi' Cap at his heels. Weel bred Cappy, &o. " He hadn't got further than foot of the side. Afore ho fell in witli the dog-killin' tribe ; When a liighwayman fellow slipp'd round in a crack, And a thump o' the skull laid him flat on his back ! Down went Cappy, Ac. " Now Ralphy, exfoni?)i'd, Cap's fate did repine, Whilst its eyes Uke twe little pearl buttons did shine ; He then spat on his hiinds, in a fury he grow. Cries, ' 'Gad smash ! but ar'l hev settisfaction o' thou, Foi- knockin' down Cappy, Ac. " Then this grim-luikcn fellow his bludgeon he nrsed. When Kalphj' eyed Cappy, and then stood amazed, But fearin' aside him he might be laid down. Threw him into the basket, and bang'd out o' town. Away went Caiipy, &c. " Ho brecthless gat hyem, and when liftin' the succk. His wife exclaim'd, ' Ralphy ! thou's suin gottin' back ; ' ' Gotten back ! ' replied Ralphy, ' ar wish ar'd ne'er gyen, In Newcassel, they're fellin dogs, lasses, and men, 1 hey've knocked down Cappy, &c. " ' If aw gan to Newcassel, when comes wor pay week, Ar' liken him again by the patch on his cheek ; Or if ever he enters wor toon wiv his stick. We'll thumii him about till he's black as au'd Nick. For killin' au'd Cappy, &c. pigmy's poems 276 " Wiv tears iu her een, Peggy heard his sad tale, And Ralph ^viv confusion and terror grew pale ; While Cappy's transactions with gi-ief they talk'd o'er. He creeps out o' the basket quite brisk on the floor ! Weel done, Cappy ! " &c. Gi'eat applause followed, producing another song, " The Keel Row," after which came another stilf tumbler of gin and water — then another song, or parts of a song rathei — for the vocalist was fast becoming hors de combat; — his face tui-ned gi-een — his eye gi*adually glazed, and at length his chin sunk on his breast ; but for the fortunate circumstance of the farmer's boy being on the look-out, his tumbler woiild have dropped to the ground. They then carried Mr. Pigg off to bed, but not l>eing able to get off his boots, they happed him up as he was. The next moraing when Farmer Butterfield came down-stairs, he found Pigg on his over-night seat, with hia legs cocked over the back of a chair, with one of his Ijoys blacking his boots. He had neither cold nor head- ache, and eat as much breakfast as if he had had no supper. His coat was di-y, his waistcoat was dry, he was all dry together ; the sun shone brightly, the lost hounds had cast up, and taken shelter in an out-house, his horse was f re-shish, and the pack poured out of the bam bright and glossy in their coats, though somewhat stiff in their limbs. " If evir ye come to Handley Cross, wor ard maister will >>e glad to thank ye and pay ye," said Pigg, grasping the fai-mer's hand as he mounted, " and if evir ye gan to canny Newcassel, cast your eye o'er mar coosin DeavilVtoger's farm — A ! what tormots he has ! Aye. and see his gi-and pedigree bull — A ! what a bull ho has! "' " You're heartily welcome," replied Fanner Butter- field, shaking Pigg by the hand, "and whenever you l)a88 this way, give us a look in, tliere'U always l)e a drop of eye-water in the l)ottle ; stay, let's open the gate for yon ;" ninningtr) the fold-yard, from which Pigg emerged with the glad j)nfk at his iiorse's heels. Mrs. Buttei-fifid, lior daughters and servants, were clustered at the door, to whom Pigg again rotunied thanks, and touching his cap, trotted down tlie lane on to the road, the brightness of the niornintr contrasting with the dark wiMnoss of the hour in which he amvod. Wliat a diflV>icnt place he h;id got to, to what ho thought! On JMgg jogged, now coaxing a weakly liound, 276 HANDLKY CROSS now talking to his horse, and now striking up the chorus of — " Uappy's the dog, Talliho ! Talliho ! " "Your master's just gone through," said Anthony Smith at the BaiTOw Hill Gate. " Mar maister,"' replied Pigg, " what, Squire Jor- rocks ? " "Teas," said the man, '"he was axing if I could tell him what become of his hounds yesterday." " Indeed," replied Pigg, " give me fourpence and a ticket." On Pigg trotted as well as he could with a pack of hounds without a whipj^er-in, and catching a view of Mr. Jorrocks's broad red back rounding a bend in the road, he gave a puff of his horn that acted like magic. Mr. Jorrocks stoi^ped as though he was shot. Turning shoi-t back, he espied his huntsman and the hounds, and great was the joy and exultation at meeting. " Killed him, did you say ? " exclaimed Mr. JoiTOcks, in ecstasies, "vere's his brush?" " A, sink 'em, they'd s])oird it," replied Pigg, " afore iver I gat te them — but ar's getten his head i' my pocket!" '■ Patch it out ! " exclaimed Mr. JoiTOcks, " vy, man, you should ride with it at your 'osses' side. Have you never a couple loup to your saddle ? — run a l)it of vipcord through his snout, and let the world see the wonders we've done — you've no proper pride about you ! There now," continued he, having adjusted the head at Pigg's saddle side, " let the world see it — don't let your coat- la]) hang over it." Thus Mr. Jorrocks and Pigg proceeded at a foot's pace, relating their mutual adventures. Before they had got to the end of their stories, who but Charles should pop upon them from a bye-road, and the three having got together again, they entered Handley Cross in triumphant procession, as though they had never parted. Rumours of the mn had been rife all the morning, but in what direction it had been nobody could tell. The stables and kennel were besieged by inquirers, and Mr. Fribbleton, the man-milliner, who edited the " Paul Pry," having been granted an audience, managed from Mr. Jorrocks's account to manufacture the follow- ing article for the second edition of his paper. It was headed— PIGO S POEMS 27t "Brilliant Run with Mr. Jorrocks's Hounds!" and proceeded — "As this unri^■alled pack were taking their daily- exercise on the Summeiion Road, accompanied by the huntsman, their worthy master, and his friend Mr. James Stobbs, a large dog-i'ox suddenly crossed before them, with which the pack went away in gallant style, despite all efforts to stop them, as they were advertised to meet at the 'Round of Boof and Carrots' to-morrow. The place the fox ho suddenly popped upon them was just at the four-mile-stone, near the junction on the Apj)lf!dove Road, and as tliorn wei-e some (•(pursers on Arthingt^m open fiolds, it is C(jnjpcturcd }«)ld Reynard, having l)een Hudd^nly disturticd \>y tlio long dogs, had como upon Qv. hounds in a somowhat rufilcd stato of mind, without dreaming of liis danger. However, he was (piickly convinced tliat there was some, by tlie cry 278 HANDLEY CROSS of his redoubtable pursuers, and tlie shortness of his start caused him to put his best leg foremost; and settiufi: his head for WoUaton Plantations, he went straight as an aiTow towards them, passing near the main eai-ths on Thoresby Moor and going through the low end of the plantations, where tliey run out into a belt. "Here he was chased by a woodman's dog, and the hounds came to a momentary check ; but Mr. Joirocks, being well up, made a scientific cast foi-ward, and getting upon grass, they hit off the scent at a meuse, and went at a racing pace down to Crowland, through Lady Cross Park, leaving Bilson a little on the right, and so on to Langford Plantations, from thence by King's Gate to Hookem-Snivey, and on by Staunton-Snivey to the Downs, crossing at Depedean, leaving the Windmill to the right, and the Smugglers' Cave on the left. Night and a humcane now came on ; but, despite all impedi- ments, this ti-uly gallant i^ack i-ealized their fox at tlie foot of Gunstou Crags. A few more minutes would have thrown the mantle of protection over the varmint, for the crags are strongholds, from whence foxes are seldom or ever dislodged. It was the biggest Reynard that ever was seen, and the tag of his tail was uncom- monly large. " The distance gone over could not have been less than five-and-twenty miles ; and altogether it was the vei-y finest run ever encountered in the annals of fox- hunting. Mr. Jorrocks went like a bird, and earned a title to a niche among the crack riders of England. " The hounds lay out all night, but have arrived at Handley Cross in very fair order ; and we trust this run is a j)relude to a long career of brilliant si^ort that we shall have the good fortune to record under the auspices of their most sporting master, and his equally renowned and energetic Scotch huntsman — Charles Pigg." Mr. JoiTOcks wi-ote the following letter to Bill Bowker : — "Dear Bovpker, " Tour's to hand, and note the contents. We've had a buster ! Three houi's without a check and a kill ! Should have been 'ajipy to have sent old ' Nunquam Dormio ' * an account, but it was a bye on the sly, and no one being out, there are no names to bring in. It's * An eye, with "nunquam dormio" round, is the crest arfl mjtto of BelVa Life. PIGKJ'S POEMS 279 soapin' cliaps cleverly wot makes a iixn read. How- somever, I hopes to have lots of clippers for him to record Vjefore long'. Not that I cares about fame, but it's well to let the 'oiinds have the credit of what they do. You say Dormio will spice the articles up with learning- and Latin. Latin be 'ansed I— Greek too, if there's any gro-wni now-a-days. Now for the run. " It's an old sayin'. and a true 'un, that a bad beginnin' often makes a good eudin'. "We lost Binjamin at stai-tin' ; the little beggar was caught in the spikes of a po-chay, and can-ied a stage out of town — teach him to walk up street for futur'. Howsomever, oif we set with- out him, and a tremendiovis mm was the result. I send you the " Pry," and you can judge for yourself ; the first pai-t, about the find, must be taken cum (jranu ml is, with a leetle Quieanne pepper, as Pomponius Ego would say. We meant to nave a private rehearsal as it were, and got a five-act comedy instead of a three. Indeed, it were like to have been a ti-agedy. " Somehow or other I got to the Earl of Bramber's, where there was a ^-eat spread, and I had a good blow- out, and a solemnish di-ink. Either I walked in my sleep and fell into a pond or some one pitched me into one. and I was as near dro^Tied as a toucher. How- somever, I got out. and wen-y attentive people were to me, givin' me brandy, and whiskey, and negus, and all sorts of things. I slept pretty well after it, nevertheless; but when I awoke to get up. I seemed to be in quite a different room- no 1>ell, no lookin'-glass, no wash-hand, no towels, no nothin', hut my 'unting clothes were laid nice and orderly. I dressed, and found my way to the breakfast-room, when sich a roar of laugliter greeted my enti-ance ! Still, they were all werry purlite ; but I observed, whenever a sr-rvant came in he nearly split his sides with laugliin'. AVfll. jist as I was goin' away, I caught a sight of myself in a glass, and, oli, crikey ! my face was painted broad red and yellow stripes, zebra- faehion ! I couldn't V)e angry, for it was so weny well done; but it certainly was weiry disrespectful to an M.F.H. Have no great fancy for lords— wen-y apt to make first a towel, and then a dish-clout on one. But enough of that. " I hope the Slender has not been silly onougli to shoot an excise-man; tliey an; clearly not game It will 1k) haukward for th«'m both if he has: of course he has too many legal fri'-iulH not to get the best arlvice. I'm sorry to hear alx>ut Susan's legs -they were a pair of unconmion HANDLEY CROSS neat ones, ceitaiulie; all the symmetry of Westris's, without the smallncss. I don't think blisterin' ■would do them any good ; rest — rest— Avith occasional friction : hand-rubbin', in fact, is the best thing. " Charley's quite well, and slept last night at a lunatic's, a poor chap wot went mad about "unting. You needn't send him none of your nasty "baccy do>vn here, for I don't stand smokin'. As you say, Snarle's business has fallen off, you'll have fewer common forms to copy, and more time for letter- writing. Tip us a stave when you've nothin' to do, and believe me yours to serve, "John Jorrocks. "P.S. l.—I enclose you 5/. for the Slender. Tell him to buy a good hard-mouthed counsel with it. I fear Billy's only a Ivsus vatitras, or ' loose 'un by natiu'',' as Pomponius would say. J. J. " P.S. 2. — Tell Foi-tnum and Mason to send me a dozen pots of maiTQeylad; also Gilbertson to send me three quartei"n loaves — two brown and a wite — every other day. Can't get sich bread as his "ere, and neither Alum nor Branfoote subscribe a dump to the 'ounds, so it's no use puzzonin' oneself on their account. Also see Painter, and tell him if his turtle's first chop, to send me six quai-ts, with a suitable quantity of punch. J. J." CHAPTER XXIX COOKING UP A HUNT DINNER Captain Doleful, ever anxious for tte prosperity of the to^NTi and bis own emolument, conceived that a hunt dinner on the night of his ball would have the effect of drawing divers i-ui-al pai-ties to the to\n\ who might not othei-wise honoiu- him with their presence, and he lost no time in communicating the idea to the worthy master. Mr. JoiTocks. Of course the (claf it would confer on the hunt, and the brilliancy it would reflect on Mr. Jorrocks's master- ship, were the main points Captain Doleful urged on behalf of his proposal ; and Mr. JoiTOcks, nothing loth to indulge in a good dinner, at which he was to play first fiddle, readily came into the i^roposition, and the following notice was inserted in the " Paul Pry " : — " Mr. Jorrocks's Fox-hounds ! " There will be a Hunt Dinner, at the Dragon Hotel, on the night of the Master of the Ceremonies' Ball, at which Members of the Hunt, and the public in general, are invited to attend. "Mr. Jorrocks in the Chair! "Tickets, twelve shillings each, to be had at the bar of the Dragon Hotel up to five o'clock on Monday evening, after which none can possibly be issued." Never was a happier device, or one more eminently euccessful. Not only did the visitors of the place hasten to secure tickets, but j)C()i)h^ from all tlic neighbouring towns showered in tlicir oi-di-r.s by the jxiHt. a7id it soon >>ecame apparent that a bumper would Ik; the result. The longest long room at the " Dragon " was soon declared inefficient for the accommodation of the party, and the masons and joiners were summoned to lay the adjoining bedroom to the end, which would aft^Twards be rebtetter." " Oh, no ! that would not do," replied Captain Doleful, "because one of tlie objects in singling out a spoi-t or diversi^m to give as a toast is the circumstance of some patron or folhjwer br-iug at taVJe. who will make a speech in reply ; but if you club two or three together, not only wiU you fail in getting any one to consider tlie tliiiient, Imt no one wiU rise to acknowledge it, because, tliougli lie may ])e a keen foUower oi one Ijranch of sport, he may care notliing about the thing you couple with it — You understand?"' " Then we must jest dot down what we think should be given," olwcrved Mr. JonockH. "and also wot 1 should say, for it is far luoic tliaii pniliablc, indeed I sliouhl say most likely, that in the h^al and nolKo, and lush and flush, and one thing and another, 1 shall forget one half o' the toast, and possibly give the coursiu' man to the 284 HANDLEY CROSS fiddlin' feller, or the cricketer insteiul of the qnoit- player." Thereupon Mr. JoiTocks took pen, ink, and paper, and proceeded to draw ont his list of toasts. " In course, ' the Queen, and her Stag-'ounds ' will come first," observed he, wi-iting the words at the head of a long slip of paper — adding, "bumper toast. Cheers.'' ■' Do you think there will be any staggerin' sinner there to acknowledge the toast ? " " Probably there will," replied the captain ; " at all events, if there isn't, I would say a few words in return, as it would not look well to let the toast pass without saying something on behalf of our young and virtuous Queen. I can acknowledge it as Vice-president, and also as holding her Majesty's commission." " Well then." said Mr. Jon-ocks, " let's see what should come next ? Shouldn't it be the 'Andley Cross Fox- hounds, and my weri-y good health P " " No^that will be too soon. The chairman's health should never be given until the company have had a few glasses of wine to elate them for shouting. Besides, your health will be the toast of the evening, and things always become flat after that is given, and perhaps the company will begin to disperse." " Werry well — anything for a quiet life— what shall we put then ? " Captain Doleful. — "Prince Albert, to be sure ! and his haiTiers." " With all my 'eart," replied Mr. Jon-ocks, placing the Prince's name after her Majesty's. " We must have the Prince of Whales next, in course," observed our master, " and all the rest of the Royal family," putting it down, and asking the captain what should follow. " Mr. Strider, the great racing man of these parts, will most likely come ; and if so you should give the Turf," observed Captain Doleful. " Besides, he is a vei-y likely man to become a member of the Hunt, if not to subscribe, now that there is a regular master, his only excuse for not doing so when the committee had the hounds being that he didn't like partnership concerns in anything but racehoi-ses." " The Turf, and Mr. Stridor's good health ! " Mr. Jor- rocks wrote down — adding the words — "improve breed of 'osses — promote sport — amuse lower orders— mount cavalry — lick the world," as the headings for his speech. " Come now, jog on," said Mr. JoiTOcks, looking at the COOKING UP A HUNT DINNER 285 nib of liis pen, " we've only got five toasts ready as yet : shouldn't we give Fox-'unting ? " " Oh, certainly," replied Captain Doleful ; " that is a general toast, and acceptable to all ; besides, Mr. Yarnley will he at the dinner," obsei-^'ed Captain Doleful. " He has two capital covers, and one capital speech, which he likes letting off. Write down, ' Mi-. Yaniley, and Pro- moters of Fox-hunting ! ' for he doesn't hunt himself, and only presei-A-es foxes in order that he may have his health dnink at ordinaries and public dinners, when he tells the company how he has always preserved foxes, and does preserve foxes, and will preserve foxes, and so forth." Mr. JoiTOcks then added Mr. Tarnley's name to the list of toasts, adding the words, "proprietors of covers and promoters of fox-'unting," and the following headings for a speech, " Considerate gentleman — free from selfishness— good example." "We should cheer this toast, I think," added Mr. Jorrocks, ""speciiilly as I s'pose the gemman takes no rent for his covers." " I believe not," replied Captain Dolef id, upon which Mr. Jon-ocks put the word " cheers " after " good example." "Now Coursing should come. I think," remarked Captain Doleful. " and Captain Couples's health. He's a gi-eat man at the Deptf ord meeting, and thinks coursing tlie only sport worth living for." " He must l>e a werry big blockhead, then." replied Mr. JoiTocks. laying dovni his pen, and stretcliing out his legs as tliougli he were going to take "the rest." "A wen-y remarkable jackass, indeed, I should say. Now of all slow, 8tai-\'ation, great-coat, comforter, worsted- stockin', dirty-nose sort of amusement, that same melancholy coursin' is to me tlie most miserably con- temptilile. It's a satire on racin'." " Never mind." said Cajjtain Doleful,^ " Couples's guineas will l>e as good as any otlier man's; and. as I said l>efore. a chairman is not expected to swear to ail he says— your Inisiness is to endeavour to jdease every one, so that they may go hf)nif> and tell their wives and d.'iuglitfTH what a jolly, di-lighlful. at-all-iii-the-ring sort of gentleman Mr. .Jorrocks is." " Aye, tliafs all worry gocjd," grunted our master, "Init conscience is cons(;iencn artfr all. and coiirHin' isconrsin'. It's as bad as drinkin' the 'Andley Cross waters to have to praise what one doesn't like. I'll give the Men-y 'AiTiers afore Coursin'. howsouKivor," said Mr. .forrocks. jnitting down thf? words " h.arc-'nnrmg " ; "will there be any currant-jelly lK>y to return tlianks ? - I'm sure tiiere 286 HA.NDLEY CROSS will, indeed, for I never knew a mixed party yet without a master of mnpfgers among them." To this toast Mr. Jorrocks added the words — " nose — fine mnsic— pleasant — soup." "Now," said he, "we've got the Queen and the Staggers — Prince Halbert— Prince of Whales— Strider and the Turf — Fox-'unting — Yarnley and Proprietors of Covers — the Merry Arriers." " Put ' Coursing ' next, then," said Doleful ; " it will follow hare-hunting very well, and be all in the soixp line." " Well, if you must have it, you must," replied Mr. JoiTOcks, wanting down the word " coursin'. ' " Who acknowledges the toast ?— ah. Couples — Caj)taln, I think you said he is ? Captain Couples — a weiTy good man too — blow me tight, though, if I knows what to say in givin' on it." " Oh, say it's classical, and a fine bracing amusement." Mr. Jorrocks added the words " fine amusement." " Well, that's eight bumpers fi-om the chair," observed Captain Doleful ; " and now we'll let yoxi take your breath a little — unless Mr. Snapper comes, when you must give pigeon-shooting and the triggers generally. I'll now toast the Chair." " The Chair," wi-ote Mr. JoiTOcks, " that's me. Cheers, in course." " In course," replied Captain Doleful, adding, " I shall butter you uncommon." "With all my 'eai-t — I can stand a wast of praise," replied Mr. JoiTocks. " Well, then, after that, and after yom* speech, which, of course, will he highly complimentaiy to the company, and full of promises of what you will do, you must propose my health — as Master of the Ceremonies of Handley Cross Spa." " And as a great spoi-tsman ! " added Mr. JoiTOcks. " No, no. I'd ratlier not," exclaimed Doleful in alanu; " the fact is, I only hunt on the sly. If the dowagers thoxight I did not devote my whole time and energies to the town amusements, they would gramble, and say I was always out hunting instead of attending to the important duties of my post. No; just confine your- self to the M.C. department, not forgetting to insinuate that it is my ball-night, and to express a hope that all the company will honour it with their presence ; you might say something, apparently half -facetiously, in the way of a hint about giving guineas for their tickets ; for some people are getting into the dirty trick of paying at the door." COOKING UP A HUNT DINNER 287 "WeiTy frood," said Mr. JoiTOcks. ■wi-iting down " Capt. Doleful, M.C., not sportsman— pleasant feller- nice ball — pumps in pocket— tickets at bar — guinea." " Toti'll be ' cheer'd,' I s'pose ? " " Of course," said the captain — " all the honours— one cheer more if you can get it.'' Cricketing, quoit -playing, shooting, badger-baiting, steeple-chasing, hurdle-racing, crow-shooting, and divers other spoi-ting, extraordinary, and extravagant toasts were then added ; some to fit people that were known to be coming, others put down to take the chance of any amateur of the amusement presenting himself imex- pectedly at the table. " Weii-y well now,'' said Mr. JoiTocks at last, dotting up the column of toasts with his pen, " that's two. four, six, seven, eight, ten. twelve, fourteen, sixteen. Sixteen Ijumper toasts, with speeches both goin' and retm-nin', to say nothin' o' shoutin'. wliich always tells on weak 'eads. Wot shall we say next ? " " Oh ! " said Captain Doleful, in an indiif erent sort of way, as much as to say the important business of the evening would l>e finished on drinking his health ; " why, just pass the bottle a few times, or if you see a gentle- man with a singing face, call on him for a song ; or address your neighbour right or left, and say you'll trouble him to give a gentleman and his hoimds.'' " A gen'leman and his 'ounds," said Mr. JoiTOcks, " but they'll have had a gen'leman and his 'ounds when they've had me." "Ah, but that's nothing— 'a gentleman and his hoirnds,' is a fine serviceable toast at a hunt-dinner. I've known a gentleman and his hounds — a gentleman ;ind his hoimds — a gentleman and his hounds — sei-ve (tliainnan, vice-cltairinan, and company, tln-oughout the live-long evening, without the sligntest assistance froui any other source. Fox-luuiters are easily i)leased, if you do but give them plenty to drink. Let me, however, entreat of you, al»ove all things, to romcml)er my ball, and do not let them ovcrsit the thing so as not to get to it. Roiiipniber, too, it's a fancy one, and they'll take more flressing." "Aye, aye, I'll vip them otf to you when 1 think they've had enoutfh." replied Mr. JoiTOcks. CHAPTER XXX SERVING UP A HUNT DINNER The important nig-lit drew on, and with it the cares and excitenient of a double event. The interests of all heai-ts and minds were centred in that day. None looked beyond. The dinner and dance fonned the boundai-y of their mental horizon. At an early honr in the after- noon numerous mral vehicles came jingrlinf? into Handley Cross, with the mud of many counties on their wheels. Here was Squire Joinim's, the chairman of quarter sessions, green chariot, with fat Mrs. Jorum and three fat little Miss Jorums crammed inside, young Mr. Jorum having established himself alongside a very antediluvian-looking coachman, in dark di'ab, with a tarnished gold band on a new hat, who vainly plied the thong and crop of a substantial half pig-driver, half horse-breaker's whip, along the ribs and hind-quarters of a pair of very fat, square-tailed, heavy, rough-coated, coarse-headed, lumbering nags, to induce them to trot becomingly into the town. Imperials, a cap-box, a maid in the rumble, all ensconced in baud-boxes, proclaim their destiny for that day. Captain Slasher, with a hii-ed barouche and foui- black screws, all jil)l)ing and pulling different ways — the barouche full of miscel- laneous foot comets in plain clothes (full of creases of course), dashes down East Street, and nearly scatters his cargo over the road, by cutting it fine between Squire Joiiim's carnage and the post. A yellow dennet passes by, picked out with chalk, mud, and black stripes : two polar bear-looking gentlemen, in enoiTuous pea- jackets, ijlentifully be-pocketed, with large wooden buttons, are smoking cigars and driving with a cane- handled hunting-whip. Then a "yellow," with the driver sitting on the cross-bar, whose contents, beyond a bonnet and a hat, are invisible, in consequence of the window having more wood than glass in its composition, works its way up, and in its turn is siicceeded by another l)rivate can-iage with a pair of posters. Then there was such a ringing of bells, calling of SEBVING UP A HUNT DINNER 289 waiters, cursing of chambermaids, and blasting of boots, at the various hotels, in consequence of the inability of the houses to swell themselves into tliree times their size, to accommodate the extraordiuary influx of guests. " Veiy son-y, indeed," says Mr. Snubljins, the landlord of the " Dragon,*' twisting a dirty duster round his thumb, " very sorry, indeed, sir," speaking to a red-faced, big- whiskered head, thrust out of a carnage window, " we are fiili to the attics— not a shake-down or sofa unoccu- pied ; can get you a nice lodging out, if you like — very comfortable." "D— your comfortables, you lying thief! — do you suppose I can't do that for myself ? Well, if ever you catch me coming to your house again I hope I may be — " The wish was lost by some one pulling the ii-ate gentleman back into his chaise, and after a short pai'ley inside, dm-ing which three reasonable single gentle- men applied to Mr. Snub])ins for the accommodation of a room amongst them to dress in for dinner, the boy was ordered to drive on, and make the grand tour of the inns. Weary, most weary were the doings at tlie *' Dragon." Ring a ding, ding a ding dong, went the hostler's bell at the gate ; " Room for a carnage and pair ? " " Whose o' it?" " Mrs. Grout's ! " " No, cjuite fidl ! " The hostler muttering to himself, "Mrs. Grouts and two feeds — sixjjence for hostlei'." Ring a ding, ding a ding, ding a ding dong. Hostler again— '■ Coming out! " " Who now ? " " Squire Goose- ander! four posters, piping hot, white lather, Jjoys beery, four on to HoUinshall, bait thcn-e. back to hall— sixpence a mile for good driving— out tlicy come — there's yoiu- ticket jjay back and away." Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, tinkle, went a little l>ell, as thoiigh it would never stop. " Waitkr !" I'oared a voic(» from the toji of the house, that came like a crash of tliuinlt.-i- aftci- tlic iusigiiilicant precursor, "am I to ring Ihtc all day? Wiifiv's the bfKjts ? I sent him t<^i- a bai-bc-r an liour ag(\ and hei"e I've l>een stjirving in my shirt-sleeves ever since." "Now, Jane, Miss Tramj) wants her shoes." " Where's the fhaTubpniinid ? " exclaimed a gentleman, rushing half frantie coming in so soon, sir." U 290 HANDLBY CROSS " Waiter ! someljody has changed my place at dinner ! I was next Mr. Walter Dale, and now they've put me below Mr. Barkei — between him and Mr. Alcock. Who the devil's done it? " " Boots ! Porter ! Boots ! run down to Mr. In^ledcw the tailor's— you know him, don't you ? Corner of Hill Street — just as you turn off the esplanade ; and tell him he's sent me the wrong coat. Not half the size of my own — more like a strait- jacket than anything else. And here ! desire Mrs. Kirton to send some ball gloves for me to try on — lemon coloui* or white — three-and-six- penny ones." " Lauk, I've come away and left Miss Eliza's stockings, I do declare ! " exclaims Jemima Thirlwell, Miss Eliza Rippon's lady's-maid, pale with fear, " what shalJ I do ? Never was anything so unlucky just took them to run my hand through and see they wei-e all right, and left them hang- ing over the back of the chair. Know as well where they are as possible— biit what's the use of that when they are ten miles off?" _ " Waiter, what time's dinner ? " "Five o'clock, sir, and no waiting — Mr. Jorrocks swears he'll take the chair at five precisely, whether it's sei-ved or iiot," adds the waiter, with a grin. Then there was such work in the kitchen — Susan Straker, the cook, like all the sisterhood, was short in her temper, and severe and endless were the trials it underwent in consequence of the jingling and tinkling of the bells calling away the chambei-maids who were to have assisted her in the kitchen. Then Mr. JoiTOcks deranged her whole system by insisting upon having a sucking pig and i-oast goose, that she intended for centre dishes, right under his nose at the top of the table; added to which, the fish was late in coming, and there was not half as much macaroni in the town as would make an inn dish. "Now, Jun," said Mrs. JoiTocks to her loving spouse, taking a finishing look of our hero as he emei-ged from SERVING UP A HUNT DINNEB 291 his bedroom in the full di-ess unifoiin of his hunt, "see and conduct yoiu-self like a f^en'leman and with dignity, and, above all. keep -suber — nothing so wiilgar or ungen- teel as gettin' intosticated. Belinda and 1 will call for you at ten minutes before ten, to take you on to the ball ; for, in course, it cam't commence till we come, and it won't be politeful to keep people waitin' too long." " Jest so,"' replied Mr. JoiTOcks, adjusting a capacious shirt-frill in the glass. " Binjimin, I say, run and fatch the fly." Mr. Jorrocks was uncommonly smai-t. Sky-blue coat lined with pink satin, finely starched white waistcoat, new canary-coloiu-ed shorts, below which stood a pair of splendid calves, encased in gauze white silk stockings, and his feet appeared in shining shoes with silver buckles. At either knee a profusion of white ril)and dangled in cracefid elegance, looking for all the world like wedding favours. Benjamin, notwithstanding his boasting and taunting to Samuel Strong, knew his master too weU, and the taste of his whip also, to attempt any of the exclusive tricks in the way of service, he gave himself credit for acting; so settling himself into his frock-coat, and drawing on a pair of clean white Berlins, sufficiently long at the fingers to allow the ends to dribble in the soup-plates, he wiped liis nose across his hand, and run- ning away down to the stand, very soon had a fly at the door. Jorrocks stepped in, and Benjaiuin mounted behind with all the dignity of a seven-foot figure foot- man. Away they dash to the " Dragon." Notwithstanding the descent of a di-izzling rain, and tlie " inclement season of the year," as newspapers phrase it, there was a crowd of servants, post-boys, Ijeggars, and loiterers lianging about the arched gateway of the " Dragon " to get a sight of our renowned hero alighting from his fly ; and great was the rushing and jostling to the door as it di-ew uji. Mr. Snul)bins, the landlord, a choleric, round-faced little man, with a snul) nose and a pimple on the eml of it, had put himself into a white waistcoat, with his best Itlue coat and l^lack kerseymere shorts, to officiate behind Mr. Jorrocks's chair, and hearing our master's name l>andied about on his aiTival, met him at tlie foot oi the stairs with all heeoining njspect, and proceeded to conduct him into the waiting- room. There was a strongish muster; but two melancholy mould-candles, in kitch(;n candlesticks, placed on the centre of a large tahlr;, slied sucli a disiual ray about the room, that little was distinguishable, save a considerable 292 HANDLEY CROSS mass of white, and an equally large proportion of a darker colour. Some thirty or forty members of the Hunt, strangers and others, wei'e clustered ahout, and there was a dull, funeral sort of hum of conversation, inter- nipted every now and then by the recognition of friends, and the entrance of another an-ival into the dingy apartment. Then there was the usual hiding of hats and cloaks— the secretion of iimbrellas, goloshes, and sticks, and the expression of hopes that they might be forthcoming when wanted. Meanwhile the savoury smell of dinner fighting its way up the crowded staircase, in the custody of divers very long-coated post-boys turned waiters, and a most heterogeneous lot of private servants, some in top-boots, some in gaiters, some few in white cotton stockings, and the most out-of-the-way fitting liveries, entered the waiting-room, and the company l^egan to i^repare for the msh. All things, soup, fish, joints, vegetables, poultry, pastry, and game, being at length adjusted, and the covers taken off to allow them to cool, Mr. Snubbins bon-owed a candle from the low end of the table, and foi-thwith proceeded to inform Mr. JoiTOcks that dinner was served. Great was the rush ! The woi-thy citizen was carried out of the waiting-room across the landing, and half-way up the dining-room, before he could recover his legs, and he scrambled to his seat at the head of the table, amidst loud cries of " Sir, this is my seat ! Waiter, take this person out."— " Who are you ?"—" You're another!"— " Mind yom- eye ! "— " I will be here ! "— " I say you won't though ! "— " That's my bread ! " Parties at length get wedged in. The clamour gradually subsides into an universal clatter of plates, knives, and forks, occasionally diversified by the exclama- tion of " Waiter ! " or, " Sir, I'll be happy to take wine with you." Hannony gradually returns, as the dinner progi-esses, and ere the chopped cheese makes its appear- ance, the whole party is in excellent hmnour. Grace follows cheese, and the " feast of reason " being over, the table is cleared for the " flow of soul." A long web of green baize, occasionally inteiTupted by the inecpialities of the various tables, succeeds, and clean glasses with i-eplenished decanters and biscuit plates, for they do not spoi-t dessert, are scattered at intervals along the surface. The last waiter at length takes his deijai-ture and eyes begin to turn towards the chair. " Mr. Wice!" roars Mr. Jorrocks, rising and hitting the SERVING UP A HUNT DINNER 293 table with an auctioneer's hammer, " Mr. Wice-President, I say ! ■' he repeats, in a louder and more authoritative tone, amid cries of "Chair! chair! order! order! silence ! silence ! " "I rises," says he, looking? especially impoi-tant, " to propose a toast, a b\imper toast in fact, that I feels confident you will all di-ink with werry 'eai-ty satisfaction— it is the health of our young, wii-tuous, and amiable Queen (applause), a weiTy proper toast to give at a great spoi-tin' dinner like this, seein' as how she is a wenynice little 'ooman, and keeps a pack of stag-'ounds. Gentlemen, I need not tell you that stag-'unting is a sport of great hantiquity, as the curiosity shopkeepers say; but they couldn't do it in nothin' like the style in foi-mer days that they do now, so in that respects we have the Ijetter of the old hancients. Who hasn't seen Fi-ank Grant's grand pictor of the meet of the stag- 'ounds on Hascot 'Eath ? That will tell you how it is done now — French polish, blue satin ties, such as Esau never could sport. That's a pictor, my bouys, and when I've 'unted your country to the satisfaction of you all, as I've no manner of doulit at all that I shall, then you subscribe and get Frank to paint me and my 'ounds. And now for the toast," added Mr. JoiTocks, raising a l>rimming bumper high in hand : " The Queen and her Stag-'ounds ! " Drank with a full and heavy round of ai)i)lause. After resuming his seat for a few seconds, during which time he conned the next toast in his mind, Mr. JoiTocks rose and called for another b\impcr, just as Captain Doleful was rising to rctuni thanks on behalf of her Majesty. "Mr. Wicel" he roared out, "I rise to yn-opose another bum])er toast, as big n bumper as the last in fact, and one that I feel conwinced you will all be most 'iipi)y to drink. We have just liad the honour of drinking tiie health of the Queen ; there i.s one near and dear to her Majesty, wlio, T feels asHured, you will not be the jess delighted to honour (jipplauKc). I n<;cd not s;iy that I iilbulfs lo the great ])atron <>' the Woods :md Forests, I'rincc; iliillMM-t, the l>est-lookiTi' nuin i' the country." (Diiiiik with immense applause - one cheer more Huzza n !) Mr. .7on-f>cks lieiiig nn exi)ert chainnau, from freriuent pnictice ;it " rree-iinil-ciiKys," went on preUy l>riskly at starting, and the (•omp;iny liiid liiirdly dniined their glasHCH, anrace of covers, free gratis, all for uotliin', to onr unt. your percus.Hion iuiaginations will readily supply the name of Yarnley (loudai)i)lause) ; and I ])ropose we drink in a full huniper the liealtli of Mr. lamley, and pro]»rietors of covers, and ]»romoterH of 296 HANDliKY CROSS fox-'imtin^'." This toast was dnink -witli very preat njipJause, aud some seconds elapsed before silence was restored. Mr. Yarnley then rose. He, too. was a tallish man, but coming after Strider he looked less than he really was, added to which, a frock coat (sky bine, with jnnk lining) rather detracted from his heij?ht; his face was long and red, his nose very short and thick, and his hair very straight. " Mr. Presi- dent and gentlemen!" said he, very slowly, fixing his eyes steadily on a biscuit-plate before him, " for the honour you have done me — hem— in drinking my health — hem — I heg — hem — to retiu-n you — hem — my most sincere thanks — hem — and, gentlemen, I can only say — hem — that I have always been a friend — liem — to fox- 'unting — hem (cheers) — and I always shall be a friend to fox-'unting, gentlemen (cheers) — which I am sui-e is a most agreeable sport (cheers) — hem, hem — and, gentle- men, I hope jon will always find foxes in my covers — hem (applause) — for I can only say, gentlemen, that I do preserve foxes, gentlemen — hem (renewed applause) — and I always have preserved foxes, gentlemen — hem, hem — " when Tai-nley, seeming about brought up, the company cheered, and drinking off his heel-taps, he concluded Avith saying, "and, gentlemen, I always will preserve foxes ! " " Mr. Wice-President," roared Mr. Jorrocks, above the clamour that now began to prevail, as tongues became loosened with the juice of the grape, "Mr. Wice-Presi- dent, having drank the first of all sports, let us not forget another werry pleasant branch of 'unting that many delight in who cannot partake of the other, and which is useful as well as i^leasant — I mean 'are-'unting ; it is a wen-y nice, lady-like amusement ; and though we have had no 'are-soui:) at dinner, I makes no doubt we have some weiTy keen 'are-'unters at talile for aU that. I begs to give ypu ' 'Are-'unting and the men-y Dotfield 'Ai-riers.' " While Mr. Jorrocks was delivering himself of this eloquence, an evident imeasiness prevailed among divers fat, i-uddy-faced members of the Dotfield Hunt, chiefly dressed in single-ljreasted green coats with bright buttons, and dral) ])i'ceches, with woollen stockings, who were scattei-ed among the company, as to who should acknowledge the honour that was done their calling, and gradiially they turned to a sportsman near Mr. JoiTOcks, one of the many masters who, bolder than the i-est, returned thanks in a dribbling, cold-hunting sort of speech, while some dozen stood up to signify their SERVING UP A HUNT DINNER 297 approbation of the sentiments of the speaker, and their sense of the honour that had been individually done them. Coursing followed hare-hunting, according to previous aiTangement, which Mr. Jorrocks described as a fine useful sjjort, and expatiated largely on tlie merits of '"are-soup" and "jugged 'are." Captain Couples briefly acknowledged the honour. Doleful now began twisting his face into a variety of contortions as the time approached for him to let off his cut-and-dried speech. He had it in notes under his biscuit-plate, at least all the long words he was likely to forget, and now was the time for pouring them upon the company. " Gentlemen ! " said he, in a shrill, penny- tiiimpet sort of voice, hitting the table -with his knuckles; " Gentlemen ! " he repeated, without di-awing the atten- tion of the company to his ujn-iglit ])Osition. " Silence ! " roared Mr. Jorrocks, like Jupiter liimself, and the noise was c[uelled on the instant. " Gentlemen ! " shrieked Captain Doleful, for the third time, " often as it has fallen to my lot to address meetings of my friends and fellow citizens, never, no, never did I rise with feelings of such unmitigated embairassment and trepidation as I do upon the present occasion, for I rise to take upon myself the high and important honour of offering to one of the most distinguished and en- lightened assemblies human being ever adfb-essed (loud cheers) a toast that no tongue can do justice in propos- ing, for it is the healtli of a man whose worth is superior to any fonn of words the English language is capable of supplying" (immense cheers). '"Ookey Valker," said Mr. JoiTocks in an under-tone. " Gentlemen," continued Captain Df)lef ul, " deeply conscious as I iun of my own unworthinoHH and incapacity, I would infinitely prefer comprising the toast in tlie magic name of the gentle- man whoso health it is, were it not for the honourable and important office of miistffr oi the ceremonic^s of this unrivalled town, which renders it imperative ui)on me to attempt, however feelily and di-fectively, a slight jtor- traiture of his unrivalled and swrjiaKsing wrn-tli (cIicoi-h). Gentlfjiicn. wlietlier I regard our great master iji liig fjrivatf; relation as a fi'ir-nd any the mfiHtenshi]) of (lie Handley (h-oss Fox-hounds. T know not in wliicli cliaiaeter 1 feoj the greatest dilliciilly and barrenness of exjireHsion tlu' greatest |)aiicily of woi'd,;. of HiiiiiJe, (}f (itting eonii)arison (loud cheers). Tn the one, f»nr estimable chairman is all mildness, like the 298 HANDLEY CROSS Messed oveiiinf?-star ; and in the other, all energy and darinfr. like the lion lord of the forest, rampant for his prey ! " (Renewed cheers.) " 'Ookey Valker,' again said Mr. Jorrocks. blowing his nose. " Unbounded in his liberality — nnbonnded in his hospitality — unbounded in Ills urbanity, his private character is equalled only by his public one (loud cheers). They are like rival moons ! — opposition suns ! (Immense cheers.) But, gentlemen, what boots it for an humble individual like myself to occupy your valuable time (cries of " Go on," " Gro on ") in attempting to do justice to a subject that, as I have already said, is beyond the reach of praise, — above the powers of words to accomplish; let me rather resume the place I huml>ly occupy at this festive board — I'esume it at least until my impoi'tant avocations call me, and !lou, I hope I may add," grinning like a death's head upon the company, "to another and equally enchanting scene ; but before I sit down, let me utter the magic words, ' Health and long life to John JoiTocks ! ' " The latter words were delivered in something between a screech and a yell, but fortunately the unearthly soimd was immediately quelled Ijy tlie instantaneous rising of the company, who, in the most uproarious manner — some standing on their chairs, others with one leg on a chair and another on the table — roared foi-th the most deafening discharge of applause that ever was dischai'ged in the " Dragon," while Mr. JoiTocks sat wondering how long it would last. After a lapse of some minutes, order began to be restored, the company gradually got shuffled into their seats, and, filling himself a brimming bumper of poi't, Mr. Joi'rocks at length rose to return thanks. " Well, now, dash my vig," said he, sticking his thumbs into the arinlioles of his waistcoat, "but frind Miser- rimus has buttered me uncommon (laughter and cheers). Never was so reg'larly soaped i' my life (renewed laughter). A werry little more might have made one doubt his sincerity. I'm the man for all sorts of larks, and no mistake — one that goes the extreme animal — the entire pig — without a doubt. 'Untin' is the foremost passion of my 'eart ! compared with it all others are flat and unprofitable (cheers and laughter). It's not never of no manner of use 'umbuggin' about the matter, but there's no sport fit to hold a candle to fox-'untin' (cheei's from the blue-coated pai-ty). Talk of stag-'untin' ! might as well 'unt a hass !— see a great loUoppin' beggar blobbin' about the market-gardens near London, with a pack of 'ounds at its 'eels, and call that diwersion ! SEKVING UP A HUNT DINNER 299 My vi^, wot a go ! (laughter). Puss-'untin' is wen-y well for cripples, and those that keep donkeys (renewed cheers fi-oni the bhies, vdih. anarry looks from the green- coated gently). Blow me tight ! but I never sees a chap a trudgifi' along the tiu-npike. with a thick stick in his 'and, and a jiipe in his mouth, but I says to myself, there goes a man well mounted for "arriers! (immense lavighter and uproar continuing for some minutes, in the midst of which many of the gi-een party left the room). I wouldn't be a master of muggers for no manner of money ! (Renewed laughter.) Coiu-sin' should be made felony ! Of all daft devils under the sun, a grey'ound's the daftest! (Renewed uproar, mingled with applause. — Captain Couples looked unutterable things.) Racing is only for rogues ! (Strider squinted frightfully.) I never goes into Tat.'s on a bettin'-day, but I says to myself as I looks at the crowd Ijy the subscription-room door, ' There's a nice lot o' petty-larceny lads ! I'd rayther he a black-faced chimley sweep nor a white-faced l>hick- leg ! " (Hisses and applause.) Strider now drew himself from under the table, and shaking a fist towards Mr. JoiTOcks, while his eyes looked across, and do^vn, and round the room, every- where but at the chairman, he stalked olt", followed by Couples, and Couples's son, and a gentleman for whom Couples had paid, and brought in the chaise, amid ironical cheers from the blues, who encouraged Mr. JoiTocks by the most vociferous applause. " Believe me, my beloved bouys," continued Mr. Jorrocks, pei'- fectly unconscious of the movement or the mischief he was doing, '" that 'untin', 'untin', 'vmtin' is the sport ! Oh," said he, with ii])tunied eyes, "vot a martyr I am to the chase! It makes me perfectly mad, — I dreams about it night aftor night, and every night. Sometimes I'm tormented with foxes; I fancy I sees them grinnin' at me from all |)arts of the b(Ml-(nirtain8, and evim sittin' uj)on the coinii/TiJane; then I kicks them f)ff, and away we all go to tlie tune of 'eads up and sterns down. Presently I sees Binjimin a ridin' on a whirlwind, and directin' the chase; next iiiinutc I fancies myself on a I)Uini»ed-out 'ohs, a 'eavin' and soliliin' i' the heavy, not a soul with the 'ounds, who are going away with a fresli fox, jnst as I sees tlie 'unt<'d r)n(' di-ad heat, a crawlin' down an 'edge-row; I outs with my 'oni, and, blow me tight, I cam't sound it! At another time, a butcher's I'ouy, witliout an 'at, comes toarin' on a run- away tit, rigiit among the 'ounds, who had thrown up in 300 HANDLE Y CROSS a laiio. and the cvashin' and yellin' is hawfiil. Ajjain, I dreams, tliat jest as tlie darliu's are ninnin' into the warmint, all savage and l^ristlin' for blood, a flock of sheep ci-oss their line, when every 'ound seizes his mntton ; and then I sees a man with a long bill in his 'and, Avith a kuvyer in the distance, makin' towards me, and then I avakes. " Oh, gentlemen ! gentlemen ! none bnt an 'imtsman knows an 'nntsman's cares! But come, never mind; care killed the cat! shan't kill me — vot's the toast?" said he, stooi^ing, and looking at his list; "Ah! I sees," reading to himself in a pretty loud voice, "Doleful, M.C. — great sportsman — pleasant feller. Gen'lemen ! " roared he, resuming an erect position, " gen'lemen! pray charge your glasses — bumper-toast — no 'eel-taps, no sky-lights, but reg'lar dovimright brimmin' bumpers to the 'ealth of a man wot shall be himmortal ! Oh, gen'lemen, if ever it was hutterly unpossible to do the right measure of genteel by any one, it is upon the present most momentous crisis, when I rises to butter a man that is superior to 1 lutter— to hoil a man that is Macassar itself. Oil ! siirely Doleful there," looking at the vice-chainnan, "is a ti-ump, and no mistake (laughter). Whether I looks at him as chief of the fantastic toers, or a leading sportsman of our brilliant 'unt, I doesn't know which character is the brightest (immense laughter, for all who kncAv Doleful, knew how perfectly innocent he was of sporting; Doleful himself began to make wrj faces). I loves him as a sportsman, though we all know he only 'unts on the sly ! but then what a brilliant boy he is in a ball-room ! Talkin' of that, gen'lemen, this is his benefit ball-night, and after we have had our twelve shillings' worth of liquor, I vote we should each spend a guinea with Misen-imus ; no one will gi-udge that trifle to such a weii-y pleasant trump — such a werry agreeable cock ; and though guineas don't grow vipon goosebeiTy-bushes, still you must all fork out one to-night, for nobody goes in for less." Doleful, on hearing JoiTOcks put this finishing stroke to his hash, v\rrung his hands in agony, and iiished out of the room, vowing, as he went down- stairs, that .ToiTocks was the biggest ass— the greatest fool — the stupidest sinner, that ever came to Handley Cross. " Tai.liho ! gone away ! " roared Mr. Jorrocks, as he saw Doleful bolt. " Hark back ! hark back ! " cried the company; but Doleful was deaf to the rate, and cut away home, half fi-antic v/itli rage. " Well," said Mr. JoiTOcks, " as the gen'leman's hoff, SERVING UP A HTJNT PINNER 301 it's no use i' finisliin' my oration; so, 'stead of tlie 'ealtli of Old Dolefiil, I begs to propose, most cordially, that I sit down." Our friend then resinned his seat amidst great applause from the blues, and was considering how he could intro- duce a limping song he had comijosed in honour of ) 4 / T •^'^ .^ "tub COlfVIVIAL MKETIMO' Dolffiil, wlion a sudden rusli of grocii mid dark coats, headed by Strider, i)Oured noisily into the room, and ollMJwed tiieir way ]>;u-\i to their placoH. The malcontents had lif'id a couHultaf ion, and, adviscfl liy Doleful, were come to idit their decision iut^) exeeution. " rjentleineTi I " I'oared Strider, who hared horses. On foot, she never saw them ; and if she admitted a knowledge of their , existence, it was in that casual sort of way that one sjieaks of a horse or a dog'. Still she could not disguise fi-om herself that they were thorns in her side. Mr. Jorrocks's popularity, with Belinda's sweetness and heauty, went far to vmdermine the throne Mrs. Baniington liad set up for herself. Not only were her evening parties less sought after, but she had reason to suspect that even Captain Doleful had declined a dinner invitation in favour of the Jorrockses ! And yet tliey liad never met, save in the streets; but Captain Dolef ill's l)all involved a crisis that could not be got over without a collision. This had been changed, by Mrs. Bai-nington's desire, into a fancy one, in order that she might tiiiiiiijili in the num))er and brilliance of her diamonds. The costume she fixed upon was tliat of Queen Elizabeth not an ill-chosen one for lier hciglit and haughty bearing. The dress was ordered in London, UH well for the i)urpose of having it unexceptionalile in style and riclineKH, as to enable lier to Idaze a sjjlendid and unexi>ected meteor in the assembled host of Tlandley Cross. It was also expected to have a l)en(!ficial influence on Captain Doleful, Kliould any doubt exist as to who was the fittest iK-rsfjii for honour. Notwithstanding Mrs. Baniingkm's precautions, the 304 HANDLET CBOSS secret of hei* dress transpired. Mrs. Jorrocks's Batsay haviiifj establislied an intimacy with onr friend John Trot, tlie footman, the fact descended from the exalted region of upper sfn'vitnde, and was communicated to Mrs. Jorrocks, with the slijjrht addition, that the Queen had graciously lent Mrs. Barnington her crown and scej^tre. " Nay, then ! " exclaimed Mrs. JoiTocks, thinkinp: it was all over with her, and fancying she saw Mrs. ISar- nington sailing into the room with Captain Dolefxil, her head in the air and her eyes on the ceiling. Long did she muse ere the Table of Precedence flashed across her mind. No sooner did it occur to her, than off she dai"ted to Mr. Jorrocks's di-awers, where, amid a goodly collection of letters, she succeeded in finding Captain Doleful's one, stating that "the Lady of the M.F.H. came on after members of the Royal family, and before all bishops' wives and daughters, peeresses, knights' dames, justices' wives, and so forth." ****** " Mischievous 'ooman ! " exclaimed Mrs. JoiTocks, conning the passage attentively ; " nasty, mean, circimi- wenting hanimal, I sees what's she's after! wants to steal a march on me as a member of the Royal family. Come in as a queen, in fact ! I'll be hupsides with her, though ! " Thereupon Mrs. Jorrocks took a highly ornamented sheet of note-paper out of her envelope case, and con- cocted the following epistle to Captain Doleful : — " Mrs. Jorrocks' Compos Cap" Doleful, and I will feel much obliged if he will have the kindness to lend her your Table of Precedence for a fev/ minutes, as she wishes to see how things stand in Handley Cross. " Diana Lodge." ****** Captain Doleful was sitting on the counter in Miss Jelly's shop, in deep consultation with her about his fancy dress, when the note arrived. Having to be the great man at the ball, it was incu.mljent upon him to have something better than the old militia coat, or even the di-ess-himt one, revised. Time pressed, or he would have tried what the Jew clothes-shops in London could do for him, but Miss Jelly, having a fertile imagination, and his interest at heai-t, he summoned her to his councils, to invent something showy without being expensive. Many costumes were talked over. Spanish would not do, l>ecause the captain woidd have to show his legs; THE FANCY BALL 305 Swiss entailed a sLniilar objection ; and the old English costumes were equally objectionable. Some were too costly, others too complex. '■ I have it ! '" at lenjjfth exclaimed Miss Jelly, clai^ping her hands, — "I have it ! '" repeated she, her face beaming with exultation; '" you shall be the Great Mogul ! " "The Great Mogul!" repeated Captain Doleful, thoughtfully. "Yes, the Great Mogul!" rejoined Miss Jelly. "A turban, with a half-moon in front, petticoat trousers, shell- jacket, moustachios. and so forth." " That will do, I think," replied Doleful, squeezing her hand. " Sound well, and not cost much — will it ? " " Oh, very little ! " replied Miss Jelly. *' Let me see ! One of your scarlet pocket-handkerchiefs will make the crowi of the tm-]jan. and the folds can be formed of white neckcloths. I have a bird of Paradise feather in my Sunday hat, and a string of large blue beads that will ornament the front. You want some summer trousers, so if you buy as much stuif as wiU make two pair, it will only be the making and altering, and you can get Nick Savoy into the house at three-and-sixpence a day and his meals, who can cut out the jacket, and I will make and trim it myself." '■ Excellent ! " exclaimed Captain Doleful, rubbing his hands, and putting a whole penny tart into his mouth. Ju8t then Benjamin entered, and after having been refused credit for an ounce of paregoric, he ijut Mrs, Jc^rrocks's note into Captain Doleful's hand. "ril bring it immediately," said the captain to "Benjamin, lK)]ting f>nt of the shojj by the side-door, winking at Miss Jelly as he went. Presently a stamp ffverlieiid announced that the captain wanted Miss Jelly, who iini))-udently leaving the shop in charge of Benjamin, our friend fill(!d his jtockets with macaroons anfl his })at crown with Hponge-ljiscuits, while she was getting her message ui)-KlairB. " r;;ii(tain DoIefiil'H eoinjiliuientH to Mrh;. Jurrocks," said Miss Jelly, retuniiiig, "and is very sorry 1 hat the Table of Precedence has not been returned from the 300 HA.NDLEY CROSS Herald's College, where it w.as sent to be eni'oUed, but immediately it comes Mrs. Jori'ocks shall have it." "Yes, inarm," said Benjamin, hurryinf? oft". ?l! -n- Tp vK ■ff ll* "Please, ma nil, the captain's compliments, and his table is at the joiner's ^ettin' rolled, but as soon as it comes 'ome yon shall have it," was the answer Benjamin delivered to his mistress. The captain was shy for a day or two, and Mr. Jor- rocks, beinj? more intent upon hunting 'than etiquette, the poor lady was left to her own devices. Belinda did not appreciate the point, and, moreover, was too busy with her di'ess to enter upon the question as she should do. Mrs. Jorrocks mistrusted the captain, and thought he might be inclined to shuffle her off, xmder pretence of Mrs. Bamington being a queen. " I'll be a queen, too ! " at length exclaimed she, after a long gaze at the fire, thinking the thing over ; " I'll be a queen, too ! " repeated she, snapping her fingers, as though she were meeting Mrs. Barnington ; " I'll be a queen ! — the Queen of 'Earts ; " exclaimed she, looking at herself in the eagle-topped mirror. That evening she wrote the following letter to Miss Skimmers, or Miss Howard, as she was now called : — " Dear Miss, — We are a going to have afancy ball here, and I want your assistance in a dress. Was you ever the Queen of 'Earts ? If so, please lend me your robes. If not, pleaze lend me a crown as like the Queen of 'Eai-ts' crown as you can get it. You laiow it's not exactly a crown, but something like a crown stuck on a cap. The sceptre seems like a wand with a rose at the end. Pleaze let me know how I should be dressed behind, as the cards give one no idea. Shoidd like the full robes, if you have them ; but, in coitrse, will be happy to take what I can get. Excuse haste and a wen-y bad pen. Yours, in haste, " Julia Jorrocks. " Diana Lodge, Handley Cross Spa, "Miss Clarissa. Howaed, " Sadlers' Wells Theatre, London." Miss Slummers had never been the Queen of Hearts, but had enacted one of the rival Kings of Brentford, in the popular pantomime of that name, and, after a con- ference with the property-man of the theatre, she thus answered her distinguished friend : — THE FANCY BALL 307 "Honoured Madam, — Toiu- commands have been received ; and I much regret that, never havinof appeared in the distingiiislied part of the Q. of Hearts, I have not the necessary properties to send yon. I am not aware that the character has ever appeared npini the stage other than in pantomine, and never at either of the theatres to which I have been attached; Ijnt onr proj^erty- man thinks the accompanying crown, fixed on a Swiss cap, ' Canton de Benie,' will come as near the card as we can get it. I also send a sceptre, to which is attached a large rose, that we nsed for the 'two Kings of Brentford ' to smell at, which comes as near the spirit of tlie thing as anything can be. The sceptre is our best and triple gilt. The robes should be of brocaded satin, and a large reticule of red silk, in the shape of a heart, dangling negligently on your left arm, w^ill at once proclaim your character. The back of your di-ess is not material, as crowned heads are only looked at in front. Any further assistance I can he of will l^e extremely gratifying to me ; and I beg to suljscril>e myself, with great respect, your most obedient and very humble sei'vant, " Theatre Royal, Sadlers" Wells. " C. HOWARD. "Mrs. Jorrocks, " Diana I.K3(lpe, Handley Cross Spa." So far, so good. The crown did admiral)ly. It was studded with false brilliants, and looked splendid by candle-light. Tlie sceptre, too, was imposing; and, regardless of expense, Mrs. Jorrocks had the richest brocade cut into the requisite shapes, to wear over a red satin gown sho liail ]>y iier. Nor was the heart-reticule fretty blue and white petticoat, with tlie scarlet body of a Valencian peasant, was clwinged for a plain wliite satin dress, with a court plume, for her to attend as maid of lionour on her majesty. Cliarley was converted into a bliio-liodied, white-legged page, with a Sjjanisli hat and Ic'atlicrs. The Great Mogid's dress jn-ogressed favourably, too. His wide sleeves and great trousers were dono, and Miss .I<'liy had got a bargain of taniishfd lace for l)raiding liis red jackfst. A Hplcndiil licai'd, wliiskers, iiioiistache, and all, were hir«'d for the iiiglit, and a pair of (ive-and- 8ix|)eiiny red leather slippers were bought, to act the part of shoes at the ball, and supersede a pair of woni- out puinjis afterwai'ds. 30H HANDLEY CROSS Mrs. Bavninston having- set the fanhion of mystery about lier dress, it was followed by the elite of the place, and each tried to mislead his neighbotir. Swiss peasants said they were coming' as Turks, Turks as Chinese, Charles the Seconds as Napoleons, and Huntsmen as Hermits. Still secrets will transpire, and Mrs. Barning;- ton and Mrs. Joi'i'ocks knew all about each othei-'s dresses as well as if they were tof^ether every day. The former talked at Captain Doleful instead of to him, sometimes pretending to doubt whether the Jorrockses would go, fearing they would not, for vulgar people seldom liked getting so completely out of their element. For her part, she hoped they would, for she had a taste for natural curiosities — heard, too, their daiighter was jiretty, and should like to see her ; and she closed her last interview by i^resenting Captain Doleful with ten Ijounds for her tickets. Mrs. Jorrocks was less mealy-mouthed, and finding the Table of Precedence was not likely to come, she called at Miss Jelly's on the morning of the ball, and asked the cajitain what time she should be there to go into the room with him. This was a poser, that even the skilful captain found difficult to parry; but, while bustling his turban and trousers under the sofa, and fussing a greasy-covered arm-chair towards Mrs. Jor- rocks, the dinner occurred to him, and, after looking vastly wise, he declared that that was the only thing he had any difficulty about. " Ton see," said he, " I am vice-president — then, Mr. Jorrocks is rather a sittei — not that I mean to say he gets drunk, but you know he is fond of society, gay and careless about time, and there are so many toasts to propose, and so many speeches to make, that I fear it is utterly impossible to say what time we may get away, and I — " "Well, but," interrupted Mrs. Jorrocks, "the dinner has nothin' to do with the dance ; if Jun chooses to lower 'imself by gettin' drunk, that's no reason why you should, and one wice can always appoint another wice, and wicey wersey, I suppose." "True," replied Captain Doleful, assenting to the position ; " but, then, if all the dancing men are at the dinner, what use will a master of the ceremonies be of to the ladies ? " " Fiddle the ladies ! " exclaimed Mrs. JoiTocks ; " it's not dancin' men wot 'ill go to the dinner — not your 'air- curlin', arm-squarin', caperin' swells, Init old-season'd casks, wot'U never think o' the dance." THE FANCY BALL 309 " I hope not," replied Captain Doleful ; " why, there will be Mr. Stobbs, for one." " He'U not go to the dinner," rejoined Mrs. Joirocks — " stays at home with me." ****** Just then, Miss Jelly, judg-iuo^ her lodger was in a dilemma, adroitly re-sealed three or four old notes, and bringing them up on a tart-plate, apologized for intrud- ing, but said the servants were all urgent for answers ; and Captain Doleful, availing himself of the excuse, set to work most assiduously, and what with apologizing, scribbling, ;ind mistaking, Mrs. Jorrocks found she might as well go away. ****** Thus matters stood on the eventful evening whose in-ogress we have so far described. Mrs. Jorrocks was right as to the formation of the dinner-jjarty, few danc- ing men, and scarcely any fancy diessers, being there. Most of the young gentlemen were corking their eye- brows, fixing on moustache, or drawing on dresses that made them look as unlike themselves as possible. Rear-admirals, who had never had a shave ; colonels, who didn't know how to fasten on their swords ; grandees, who didn't know how to get on their breeches ; and fox-himters, who did not know how to put on their 8i>ui-s, — stood admiring themselves before their sisters' mirrors, thinking tlio l^all hour would never arrive. Young ladies laced themselves extra tight, and a little more tournure was allowed for setting off the gay bodices and swelling drapeiy of their dresses. Neat ankles availed themselves of the licence for wearing fancy dresses refiuii-iiig short petticoats, while sweei)iiig trains concealed othei-s that were less fortunate in their make. Old dresses were metamorphosed into new, and new fancy ones were made for re-conversion into plain onf's another time. Confused witli wine and anger, (Ja|)tain Doleful ru.shed him-iedly home to liis lodgingH, and threw himself into (he easy-chair by the fire. He was n(jt done aijusing Mr. Jorrocks, when Miss Jelly entered with a bed-candle and a little Jug of warm water. She had laid his dress out on tiie bed; his red and white turban. Iieaded and feathfsred, with a l>ariey-HUgar iiall'-uioon, sunuounted his baggy trou.sers; th<; red jacket was airing before the fire, and scarlet and whit<' riAsettcs ajjijeared on the instopc of the slippers. Seeing he was disturbed in his 310 HANDLEY CROSS mind, Miss Jelly merely intimated that it wanted ten mijuites to nine, :i,nd witlidrew qnietly below. There was no time to lose; so hastily doffinj^ his hunt- coat, &c., Captain Doleful was soon in his baggy trousers; and having stamped overhead, Miss Jelly was speedily with him. assisting him into his drawn linen vest, over which came the embroidered scarlet jacket, with baggy linen sleeves, tightening at the wrist ; a long blue scarf encircling his waist, displaying the gilt handle of his militia sword. When he had got on his beard, moustaches, and whiskers, and surmounted the whole with his turban, his black eyes assumed a brightness, and his whole appearance underwent a change thnt elicited an in- voluntary expression of admiration fi-om Miss Jelly. " The captain," she really thought, " looked splendid ! " Thereupon, regardless of the increasing ratio of fare, he liberally ofPered her a ride in his fly to the rooms. The Queen of Hearts commenced her toilette im- mediately after tea, and had no little ti-ouble in fixing her ci'own, and her cap, and her front on her liead. The iiistlino: robes required miicli adjusting, and Belinda got little of Betsy's services that night. Mrs. Barnington's robes being accurately made, were easily adjusted. Her great ruft' rose majestically ; her pink satin jewelled stomacher, piqued in the extreme, glittered with diamonds and precious stones, and her portentous jjetticoat of white satin, embroidered with silver, stood imperioiisly out. Round her neck she wore a costly chain, and her black coif was adorned with ropes and stars of jewels, with an enormous diamond brilliant in the centre. She rustled at every move. By half -past nine all Handley Cross was in masquerade. Brothers met sisters in the drawing-rooms, and were lost in astonishment at each other ; the servants came oi^euly forward to ins])ect their young masters and missises. The rain had ceased and been succeeded by a starlight night; the populace turned outito congregate about the ball-rooms, or at the doors where carriages waited to take up. The noise inside the " Dragon " kei)t a crowd up outside; and as the Queen of Hearts drove up for her husband, rival cheers announced her arrival. " It's a man ! " exclaimed one, putting his face close to the window as Mrs. Joi-rocdcs lowered the glass of the fly, to give her orders to tlie fly-man. '■ It's not ! " replied another. "I say it is!" rejoined a third. "It's a beef-eater — what they stick outside shows to "tice the company up." THE FANCY BALL 311 Then a fresh roivutl of cheers arose, which might either lie in answer to applause within, or in consequence of the discovery made without, for a mob is never very particular what they shout for. Meanwhile Mrs. Jorrocks di'ew up the glass protecting her maid of honour, her page, and herself, from the night air. The Queen of Heai'ts was in a terrible fidget, and every moment seemed an hour. Flys di'ove ui) for gentlemen (hat were "not roady," and cut away lor those whose tuj-n camo noxt. Sliouts souudod in the various streets as IwfpatherfHl and l>OH])anglfd drfsKOH darted Ihroiigli tlio crowds into tli«! carriages ; and as the v<;liiclcH fell into line by the rooms, there was sucli gaping, and (juizzing, aufl hingliing among the sixjctators, and Hii<-h Hi)eculation as to what (liey were. People generally go early to fancy hallrt; it is one of 312 HANDLEY CROSS the few tliinp;s of life that a person is not ashamed of being first at. Indeed the order of things is generally reversed, and instead of people telling their friends that they mean to be there rather earlier than they do, they are apt to name a somewhat later time, in order to an'ive first themselves. Some thii-ty or forty people had got there before Captain Doleful, chiefly door-payers, who came to see the fun, without regard to benefiting him. Three Bohemian brothers, a Robin Hood, a Mail Guard, and a Riiral Policeman were not a little puzzled at the Great Mogul's cmpressemcnt, for though they knew him as Captain Doleful, M.C., they had no idea who the gentle- man was in the turban and trousers. The red folding-doors now ke^jt flapping like condors' wings, as Highlanders, and archers, and deputy-lieu- tenants, and Hamlets, and sailors, and Turks, and harlequins, and_ judges, and fox-hunters, came shoulder- ing and elbowing in with variously-dressed ladies on their arms, — Russians, Prussians, Circassians, Greeks, Swiss, and Chinese — a confusion of countries all speak- ing one tongue. Captain Doleful was pushed from his place before the doors, and nobody ever thought of asking for him, so intent were they on themselves and each other. " Bless me, is that you ? " — " Who'd have thought?" — "Mar, here's James!" "Ob, dear, and William Dobbs ! "— " What's your dress ? " " Beautiful, I declare ! " — " Your i>istols arn't loaded, I hope P " — " Splendid uniform ! "— " French chasseur! "—" They told me you were coming as a post-boy." — " Oh, dear, look there ! "— " What a rum old lass ! "— " The Queen of the Cannibal Islands ! "— " Mrs. Hokey Pokey Wankey Fuin ! " We need scarcely say that this latter exclamation was elicited by the entrance of the Queen of Hearts, followed by her page in Spanish costume of spangled purple velvet and white, with Vjlack hat and feather ; and Belinda in white satin, with a court plume of feathers. A slight flush of confusion mantled over her lovely brow, imparting a gentle radiance to her languishing blue eyes, contrasting with the fixed and stern determination of her aunt's. Her majesty's appearance was certainly most extraordinary. The free-masonish sort of robes, the glittering crown on the sombre cap, the massive sceptre held like a parasol, were ludicrous enough ; but in addition to this, her majesty had forgotten to put off her red and white worsted feet-comforters, and was making her way up the room with them draggling about her ankles. Captain Doleful, all politeness, informed her of the ^1 ttp^^^ '--•■- '.^idJ^'^A THE FANCY BALL 313 ouiission, and imfortuuately discovered himself, for no sooner did Mrs. JoiTocks find out to whom she was in- debted, than keeping her arm in the Great Mogul's, where it had been placed while she drew the things off, she made a movement towards the ball-room door, which being seconded by the crowd behind — all anxious to get in and scatter themselves for inspection — they were fairly earned away by the tide, and the Queen of Hearts and the Great Mogul entered the room with people of all nations at their heels. Great was Mi-s. Jon-ocks's gratitude. " Oh, dear, it was so werry kind — so werry engagin'. If it hadn't been the captin announcin' himself, I should never have guessed it was him ; " and the captain bit his lips and crn-sed his stupidity for getting himself into such a mess. Still the Queen of Hearts stuck to him, and, sceptre in hand, sti-utted up and down the well-lit room, fancying herself "the observed of all observers." For the first time in his life the captain's cunning forsook him. He didn't know how to get rid of his incubus, — and even if he did, he knew not whether to station himself in the ante-room to receive Mrs. iJarnington, or to let the ball begin, and brazen it out. As he walked about, half frantic with rage, his turban pinching, and his beard and whiskers tickling him, an opposition Mogul gave the signal to the musicians, and off tliey went with a (luadrille, leaving the couples to settle to the figure as the music went on. Then as Turks balanced to Christians, and Louis Napoleon wheeled sweet Anne Page about by the arms, two highly-jjowdered footmen threw wide the doors, and in sailed Mrs. Barnington, catching poor Doleful with Mrs. Jorrocks on his arm. One withering look she gave, and then drawing herself ujj into a sort of concentrated essence of grandeur, towered past, feing indignantly refused, he consoled liimHolf by taking all the prcstty girls in the room \>y turns, wlio un.inimously declared that he was a most agreeable, energetic old gentleman, and an excellent dancer. And owing to the spirit with wliidi Mr. Jorrocks kept it up, that biill was productive of a nidst prolilic croj) of ofF'TH. which, we ne(;d scarcely say, sent the Jorrucku funds up very considerably. CHAPTER XXXII ANOTHER SPORTING LECTOR Mr. Jorrocks's tongue being now well laid in foi* talkinsi', lie determined to keep it going, by giving another sporting lecture. Being, however, of opinion that a lecture that was worth listening to, was worth paying for, he determined to charge a shilling a head entrance, as well for the piirpose of indemnifying him- self against the expenses of the room, &c., as of giving Pigg the chance of any sur]>lus thei-e might Ijc over for pocket-money, of which useful article James was rather short. Our master's fame heing now widely established, and occupation Tincommonly slack at Handley Ci'oss, a goodly muster was the result. Precisely as the clock was done striking seven, Mr. JoiTocks ascended the platform, attended by a few friends, and was received with loud cheers from the gentlemen, and the waving of handkerchiefs from the lady part of the audience. Of these there was a goodly num1)er, among whom was Mrs. Jorrocks, in a great red turban with a plume of black feathers, reclining gracefully on one side ; Stobbs sat between her and Belinda, who was dressed in a pale pink silk, with a gold cord in her hair : Belinda looked pei-fectly happy. When the applause had subsided, Mr. JoiTOcks ad- vanced to the front of the i^latform (which was deco- rated as before), and thus addressed the audience: — " Frinds and fellow-counti-ynien ! Lend me your ears. That's to say, listen to wot I'm a goin' to say to you. This night I shall enlighten you on the all-impoitant ceremony of takin' the field." (Loud applause.) " Takin' the Field ! " repeated he, throwing out his arms, and casting his eyes up at the elegant looping of his canopy. "Takin' the Field! glorious sound! wot words can convey anything 'alf so delightful ? " Tn my miiuVs eye I see the 'ounds in all their glossy pride a trottiu' around Ai-terxerxes, who stami:>s and whinnies with delight at their company. There's old ANOTHER SPORTING LECTOR 315 Prist«ss with her speckled sides, lookin' as wise as a Clu-istian, and Tnisty. and Tuneable, and Warrior, and Wac^rant, and "Workman, and Wengence, and all the grlorions comrades o' the chase. "But to the pint. Ingenious youth, having got his 'ess, and learned to tackle him, let me now, from the bonded warehouse of my knowledge, prepare him for the all-glorious ceremony of the 'unt. " How warious are the motives," continued J^Ii'. Jor- rocks, looking thoughtfully, "that draw men to the kiver side. Some come to see, others to be seen ; some for the ride out, others for the ride 'ome ; some for hap- petites, some for 'ealth, some to get away from their wives, and a few to 'unt. Ah ! give me the few — the chosen few — ' the band o' brothers,' as the poet says, wot come to 'unt !— men wot know the 'ounds, and know the covers, and know the coimtry, and, above all, know when 'ounds ai'e rnnnin', and when there're hofl' the scent — men wot can ride in the fields, and yet 'old 'ard in the lanes — men wot would rayther see the thief o" the world well troimced in cover, than say they took a windmill in the hardour of the chase. Could I but make a little country of my own, and fill it with crittm-s of my own creation, I'd have sich a lot o' trumps as never were seen out o' SuiTcy. (Loud clieers.) " Bliss my 'eart, wot a miiny ways there is of enjoyin' tlie chase," continued Mr. Jorrocks, " and 'ow one man is led into folly and extravagance by another ! Because great Sampson Stout, wlio rides twenty stun', with the nerves of a steam-licngine, keeps twelve 'unters and two "acks, little Tommy Titmouse, wlio scarcely turns nine with his saddle, uuist have as many, though he dare liardly ride over a water furrow. Because Sir Yawn- Ijcn-y Dawdle, who lies long in bed, sends on, Mr. Lark- spur, who is up with the sun, must needs do the same, thougli he is ol)liged to imt off time, lest he should arrive afore his 'oss. Becaiiso Lady (iiddyfool puts a hyacinth in lier lord's butt/m-'ole, every liass in liis 'unt must send to Covent Garden to get some. I wcrrily Ldievos, if a lord was to stick one of my peacock Gabriel Junks's feathers in his 'iit, there would be fools to follow his cxaini)le; out upon tiieni. sjiy 1 : 'uiiting is an expensive iiniusonu^nt or n(»t, jest as folks cliooKe t(j ni;ik<' it. "There's a niisty word cmIUmI 'ciin't,' that does an infinity of mischief. One can't 'unt without eight 'osses; (me. ciin't do without two 'iicks; one can't ride in a coun- try saddle; one can't do this, and one can't do that — 316 HANDLEY CROSS hang your can'ts ! Let a man look at those helow him instead o' those above, and think 'ow much l)etter holi' he is nor they. (Applause.) Surely the man with one 'oss is better off than the man with none! (Renewed applause.) " Believe me, my beloved 'earers, if a man's inclined for the chase, he'll ride a'most anything, or valk sooner than stay at 'ome. I often thinks, could the keen foot- folks change places with the f umigatin' yards o' leather and scarlet, wot a much better chance there would be for the chase ! They, at all events, come out from a genu/we inclination for the spoi-t, and not for mere show- sake, as too many do. " Dash my vig, wot men I've seen in the 'unting-field ! men without the slightest notion of 'unting, but who think it right to try if they like it, jest as they would try smokin' or eaten' olives after dinner. "'You should get a red coat, and join the 'unt,' says a yoimg gen'leman's old aunt ; and forthwith our hero orders two coats of the newest cut, five pair of spurs, ten pair of Ijreeches, twenty pair of boots, waistcoats of every cut and figure, a bimch of whips, diachulum drawers, a cigar-case for his pocket, a pocket si]jhonia, a sandwich-case for one side, and a shoe-case for t'other, and keeps a hair-bed afloat agin he comes 'ome with a broken leg. (Laughter and applause.) " But I lose my patience thinkin' o' sich fools. If it wam't that among those who annually take the field, and are choked oft" by the expense, there are ingenious youths who, with proper handlin', might make good sportsmen and waluable payin' subscribers, I'd wesh my 'ands of sich rubbish altogether. If any such, there be within the limits of this well-filled room, let him open wide his hears, and I will teach him, not only how to do the trick, but to do it as if he had been at it all his life, and at werry little cost. Let him now pull out his new purchase, and learn to ride one 'oss afore he keeps two. We will now jog together to the meet. Ajid mark ! it's only buoys in jackets and trousers that are out for the first time. — Yiskers, boots, and breeches, are 'sposed to come from another country. First we must ch-ess om* sportsman ; — no black trousers crammed into top-boots —no white ducks shaped over the foot, or fur-caps cocked jauntily on the 'ead; — real propriety, and no mistake ! "That great man, Mr. Delme Ratcliffe, says in his interestin blue-book, ' that there's nothin' more snobbish ANOTHER SPORTING LECTOR 317 than a black tye with top-hoots.' It was a werry clever remark, and an enlargement of Mr. Hood's idea of no one ever havin' seen a sailor i' top boots. Bishops' boots Mr. Ratcliffe also coudeinued, and spoke highly in favour of tops cleaned with champagne and abricot jam. 'Hoganys, "owever, are now all tlie go, and the darker the colovu-, the keener the wearer expects to be thought. I saw a pair i' the Cut-me-Downs last year that were nearly black. " Leather-breeches Mr. Ratclifie spoke kindly of, but unless a man has a good many servants, lie had better liave them cleanin' his 'oss than cleanin' liis breeches. Leathers are weri-y expensive, though there's a deal of wear i' them. I have a pair that were made by White o' Tarporley, in George the Third's reign, and though the cut is suinmut altered, the constitution of them remains intact. In tliose days it was the fashion to have them so tiglit that men used to be slung into them by piilleys from their ceilings ; and a fashionable man, wi-itin' to his tailor for a pair, added this caution, ' Mind, if I can get into them, I won't have them.' Leathers were once all the go for street-work, and werry 'andsome they looked. " I've heard a story, that when George the Fourth was Prince, a swell coveted the style of his leathers so much that he bribed the Prince's valet largely for the recipe. ' You shall have it,' said the man, pocketin' the coin, and lookin' werry wise ; ' the fact is,' added he, ' the way liis Royal 'iglmess's royal unmentionables look so well is, l>ecau8e his Royal 'Ighness sleeps in them.'" ("Haw, haw, haw," gi-unted Mr. Jorrocks, in company with several of his audience.) " Some chaps affect the dark cords ;l8 well as the 'hogany boots, but there's as much liaffectation i' one as tlie other. Blow me tight, if it weren't for tlie bright colours there woiddu't be many fox-'untere. " The custom of riding in scarlet is one it becomes me to Hjieak upon ;— 1 do<'sii't know nothin' aV)out the hantie wonldn'i ilo ho if they liad to rietter. "A slight knowlege o' farmin' promotes the true enjoyment of the chase. What «<> 'umiliatin' as to see a l>ig farmer bullyin' a little man in leather and scarlet for ridin' over his seeds, when the innocent is ignorant of liavin' done nothin' o' the sort. Seeds, my beloved earers, are what grcnv in clover, or new-land hay ; they come hup arter the coni-crop. and when that is reaped, if an iiu|uiring sportsman will examine the ground, he will see little green iierljs, like crow's feet, shooting hup 'mong the stubble, which rear themselves into stalks with expandin' leaves ! and those glorious pink and whit*; balls, called clover, wot smell so fragrantly as one loitl«* bniich-clod ! "So it is with wheat. If you see a field nicely laid away, the surface all smooth, and the furrows all ojien, you may conclude that is wheat, even though thr; tenortsman among those who don't know no better. ' Dear sir,' says one man to another, ridin' a wite-faced 'oss, 'I fears your nag is weiTV bad ! ' "' Ow so?' in(iuires t'other, all alarm. Vy. he's all vite in the face ! ' (" Haw ! haw ! haw ! ") Yours is an expensive nag, I see,' observes a second. ' Not more than otlier peoijle's,' is the answer. " ' Yes, he is ; for I see he wears boots as well as shoes,' pointing to speedy-cut boots. " ' 'Ave I lost a shoe in coming ? ' inquires a gentleman, wli<» with a late start has come in a liurry. '"Tliey're not all on before!' exchiims half-a-dozen woices, rea, ' but Ncncmlier trieth truth ' i' the 'unting line, and men that don't like 'unting, had mucli better not give thcm.selvrjH the tro\ible of pretendin' they do, for they'n; sun; to bo found out, and ];ranil»'d foi- 'unilnigH for their f rouble It's a worry mm thing 'ow few men there are who candidly say they don't like it. They've all been keen sportsmen at some 32fi HANDLET CROSS time or other o' their lives. Every man," continued Mr. JoiTOcks, seiitentiously, "wot prefers his 'ealth to the interests o' the seidletz pooder makers, will get as much 'imting as ever he can afore Christmas." (Great laughter and applause.) " So now let's be doin' ! " added he, rubbing his elbows against liis sides as if anxious for the fray. " Let us s'pose the last, last f lunigatin' piece o' conceit has cast up, and the M.F.H. gives the hoffice to the 'untsman to throw off. 'Osses' 'eads tium one way, th' 'ounds bi'isk up at the move, the coffee-room breaks up, frinds pair off to can-y out jokes, while the foot people fly to the 'ills, and the Vjald-'eaded keeper stands 'at in 'and at the gate, to let th' 'ounds into cover. " ' Eleu in ! ' at length cries the 'untsman, with a wave of his 'and, and in an instant his 'osses' 'eels are deserted. The vipper-in has scuttled rovmd the cover, and his rate and crack are 'card on the far side. ' Gently, Conqueror ! Conqueror, have a care ! Ware are ! ware are ! ' " Here Mr. Jorrocks paused, apparently for the purpose of recollecting something. " There's a bit o' potry due here," observed he ; " but somehow or other it von't come to halloo ! ' Great, glorious, and free, First flower o' the hocean, first ' " continued he. " No, that von't do, that was old Dan's dodge. Yet it's somethin' like that, too ; can no one help me ? Ah, I have it : — 'Delightful sceue! When all around is gay, men, 'osses, dogs ; And in each sniilin' countenance appears Fresh bloomin' 'ealth, and uniwersal joy.' " And yet that's not exactly the place it should have come in at nouther," observed Mr. JoiTOcks, recollecting himself; "that scrap is meant for the meet; throwin' off is thus described by Peter Beckford, or some other gen'l'man wot described it to him. Howsomever it von't do to waste a cotation, so you can jest joggle t'other one back in your minds to the right place. This is throwin' off: — ' See ! 'ow they range Dispersed, 'ow bu.sily this way and that, They cross, exaiuinin' with curious nose Each likely 'aunt. 'Ark ! on the drag I 'ear Their doubtful notes, preludiii' to a cry More uobly full, and swelled with e . iry mouth.' " Now that's poetry and sense too," observed Mr. Jor- rocks, smacking his lips, "which is more than poetry ANOTHEB SPORTING LECTOR 327 always is ; for a poet, you see, lias to measure liis words, and wen-y often the one that would best express vot he vonts von't fit in with t'others, so he's obliged to halter his meanin' altogether, or mount a lame steed. For my pai-t I likes prose Ijest, and I reckon Peter's prose better nor most men's werse. Hear 'ow he finds his fox." Mr. JoiTocks then took his newly-bound Beckford from the table at the Imck of the platfonn, and read as follows :— '• ' 'Ow musical their tongues ! And as they get near to him, 'ow the chorus fills ! 'Ark ! he is found. Now, vere are all yom- soitows and your cares, ye gloomy souls! or where your pains and aches, ye complainin' ones! one bolloo has dispelled them all. Vot a crash they make ! and hecho seeminly takes pleasiu-e to repeat the sound. The 'stonished traveller forsakes his road ; lured by its melody, the listenin' ploughman now stops his plough, and every distant shepherd neglects his flock, and nins to see liim break. Vot joy! vot heagemess in every face I ' "Now," said Mr. JoiTocks, smacking his lips again, " that's what I call real prime stuff— the concentrated essence of 'untin'— the XXX of sportin', so different from the wire-spun, wishy-washy yarns of modern penny-a-liners, who smother their meanin' (if they have any) in words. If I've read Peter once, I've read him a luindred times, and yet I finds somethin' fresh to admire cvoi-y time. "Weraor and Hood, Birchin Lane, published this edition in 179(5; and on the title-page is pasted a hextract from a newspaper that would adoni a monu- ment. ' Monday, Hth March, 1811, at his seat, Stapleton, in Dorsetshire, Peter Beckford, Esq., aged 70. Mr. Beckford was a celel^rated fox-'unter, and hauthor of ' Letters on 'imting.' There's an inscription for a marble monument! ' Mull am in parvo,' as Pomponius Ego would say. Blow me tight! but I never looks at Billy Beckford supplicatin' the king on liis marble monument in Guildhall, but I exclaims, 'Shak<> Billy from his pedestiil and set up Peter ! ' " (Hisses and applause.) "I once wrote my epitaph, and it was wen-y short,— ' Hie jacet Jorrocks,' was all wot I said; but the unlettered 'untsniau, or maybe M.F.H., might pass me by, jest as he would a dead emperor. Far •lifferent would it l>e should this note follow,— 'Mr. J. was a celebrated fox-hunter, and lectorer upon 'untiug.' Then wuidd the saunterin' sjjortsman pause as he passed, and drop a tribute to tlie memory 328 HANDLBY CROSS of one who loved the chase so well. But I'm gettin' l)rosaic and oft' the line. Let us 'ark back into cover ! The chase, I sinj^s ! Let's see. " We had jest found our fox. Well, then, let's at Peter again, for there's no one boils one hup into a gallop like him. Here's a description of the thief o' the world afore he breaks.'' Mr. Jorrocks reads : — ■■^ ^^ i^CiUl " AH ! It'h TA LLI-HO HACK ! Mark 'ow he i-iins the cover's hutmost limits, yet dares not wentur forth ; the 'ounds are still too near ! That check is lucky ! Now, if our frinds 'ead him not, he will soon be off! "Talli-ho!" screamed Mr. Jorrocks, at the top of his voice. '• Dash my vig, that's the cry ! " continued he, holding his hand in the air. " See 'ow pale the gen'leman ANOTHER SPORTING LECTOR 329 in light scarlet and bishop's boots is tumin'. and liow deli{?hted old Jack Rasper, in the cut-aAvay olive, broad cords, and hoj^-anys is ; his low-cro^vned 'at's in the hair, for he sees the warniLnt, a sight more glorious nor the lord mayor's show ; yet he 'oUoas not ! Ah, it's talli-ho back ! The' fox is 'eaded by yon puppy in purple, strikin' a light on the pommel of his saddle. 'Ope he'll soon be sick ! Th' 'ounds turn shoit, and are at him again. Have at him, my beauties ! Have at him, my darlin's ! Have at him, I say ! Yonder he goes at t'other end I — now he's away I Old Rasper has him again ! ' Talli-ho, away I ' he cries. The old low-crowned 'at's in the hair, and now every man "oops and 'oUoas to the amount of his superscription. Twang ! twang ! twang ! goes the Percival ; crack I crack ! crack ! go the whips ; 'ounds, 'osses, and men, are in a glorious state of excitement ! Full o' beans and benevolence ! " " So am I, my beloved 'carers," observed Mr. Joirocks, aft«r a pause; " and must let off some steam, or I shall \xi teachin' you to over-ride the 'ounds." So saying, Mr. JoiTocks retired to tlie back of tlie platfoi-m, and cooled himself with a fresh glass of hot Ijrandy and water. Presently he rctiu-ned, and thus resumed his discourse. " Oil I my Ix'loved 'earers. if I liad been at the great Mr. Pomponius Hego's lieDjow when in descril)iu' this critical i>eriod of the chase he penned the words, ' go along, there are three couple of 'ounds on the scent.' I'd ha' seen if I couldn't ha' got liini to put in 'now 'old your jaws, and 'old 'ard ! and let em settle quietly to the scent.' Believe me, my beloved 'earers. the words ' go along, tliere are three couple of 'ounds on the scent,' liave lost many a run and saved the life of uiany a wamiint. 'Ow I likes to see the 'ounds come cpiietly out, settlin' and collectin' together, gradually mending tlieir pace as they go, till tliey brew up a reg'hir liust. That's the way to make the foxes cry ' Capevi ! ' " added he. (Laughter and applause.) "Here let me hobserve,"' continued Mr. Jorrocks, " that it's a grand tiling for ingenuous youth to get a view of the wai-niint at startin'! by so doing he gets a sort of wested int^^rest in the fox, and rides artor liini as he wouldarter a tliiff with his \valener, and not a leaper: a man of .^32 HANDLBY CROSS this sort will pilot a youngster all day without ridin' over a fence. He iknows every twist, every turn, every gate, every gap, in the country, and though sometimes appearin' to ride away from the 'ounds, liy skirtin' and nickin', will often gain Reynard's p'int afore them — l)'raps afore Reynard himself ! " We must not follow him, but ' streak it ' across the country a bit, as brother J onathan would say, and this is the time that, if ingenuous youth's 'oss has any monkey in him, he will assuredly get his dander up and show it. The commonest occun-ence in all natur' is for him to ran away, Avhich is highly disagreeable. Geoffrey Gambado well observes, that when a man is well run away with, the first thing that occm-s to him is how to stop his 'oss. Some will run him at a ditch, which is a v/en-y promisin' experiment, if he leaps ill, or not at all ; others try a gate-post, biit it requires a nice eye to hit the centre with the 'oss's 'ead, so as not to graze yoxu' own leg. Frenchmen — and Frenchmen ride as well now as they did in Gambado's time— will ride against one another ; and Geoffrey tells a good story of an ingenious Frenchman he saw make four experiments on Newmarket Heath, in only one of which he suc- ceeded. His 'oss ran away with him whilst Gimcrack was runnin' a match, and the Count's 'opes of stoppin' him being b\it small, he contrived to turn him across the course and rode slap at Gimcrack, 'opin' to effect it hj a broadside; but Gimcrack was too quick for the Count, and he missed his aim. He then made fidl at Lord March, bvit unluckily only took him slantin' ; baffled in this second attempt, the Count relied on the Devil's Ditch as a certain check to his career, Imt his 'oss caiTied him clean over ; and had not the rubbin'- hotise presented itself, the Count assei-ted he werily believed he should soon have reached London. Dashin' at the rabbin'-'ouse, with true French sjiirit, he produced the desired effect ; his 'oss, not being able to proceed, stopped, and that so suddenly that Ducrow himself would have kissed his owm saw-dust. The Count, it is true, came off but tolerably well ; the 'oss broke his 'ead and _ the Count's likewise, so that, accordin' to the opinion of two negatives makin' an affirmative, little or no 'arm was done, an ingenious, if not a satisfactory, mode of disposiu' of damage. " And here let me observe, that to 'unt pleasantly two things are necessary — to know yom- 'oss and to know your own mind. An 'oss is a queer critter. In the ANOTHER SPORTING LECTOR 333 stable, on the road, or even in a ari'een lane, lie may be all mild and hamiable— jest like a ural you're a courtin' of — but when he ijets into the matriiiiouy of the "imtin^- field among other naictor-shoj) in Regent's Street must have rum nf)tion8 of the sport. There you see red laps flyin' out in all directions, and 'osses ai»parcntly to be had for cat<;hin'. Truf. that in 'iintiiig nu-n will roll ;iliout —hut so they will on the road ; and I'd raytlwi- iiavi- two hunijjs in a field than one on a pikp. Danger is everywhere ! An accoinj)liHhed frind of mine says, 'Iinpfudet omnihiis pei"i(Mluin ' — Danger ':ing.s over an oiiinilms : and ' Mors omuihiiH est (•oniiiinniH,' — You may hreiik your neck in an omnihiis: hut iire we, on th;it account, to shun theaten ; Wictor first tops the 'edge. See thei-e ! See 'ow they aU take in their strokes ! The "edge cracks with their weight, so many jurajj at once.' ''Capital, indeed," exclainipcl Mr. Jorrocks; "most excellent, I may say. All slieer 'unting— no nasty jealous stijiple chase ridin'. 'urrying 'ounds a mile l>eyond the scent. No 'go-alongs! there are three coujjle of 'onnds on the scent,' but real ' Fox et pieteria nihil,' as Hego would say. Blow me tight, if such readin' doesn't jjarfectlie bust me," adein'," added Mr. Jon'ocks. looking off the book, " that Peter is all for the pack, and Ponipey for the jjerfonners, or ' customers,' as z 338 HANDLBY CROSS they call the crack riders T the cut-me-downs. How- somever, poetry, shalln' no, go on ; go on," and applause.) Our great master then read as follows : — " Wot lengths wc pass ! were will the wandcrin' chaco Lead us bewildered ! smooth as swallows skim, The new shorn mead, and far more swift we Ily. Sec my brave pack ; 'ow to the 'cad they press, Jostlin' i' close array, then more diffuse Ohhcfuely weel, wile from their hopenin' mouths The woliied thunder breaks — Look back and view The strange confusion of the wale below, Where sore wexation rcig-ns ; -Old age laments His wigour spent ; the tall, plump, brawny youth Cusses his cumbrous bulk and envies now The short pygmean race, he whilom keun'd AVith proud insultin' leer. A chosen few Alone the sport enjoy, nor droop beneath Their pleasin' toils." Great applaiise followed the readmg of the above. When it sul isidcd, our master, taking the " Chase and Road" volume from the table at the back of the plat- form, said, " Let us jest take a peep at frind Pomijonious under similar circumstances. ' The squire's 'ounds are ruimin' with a brest-'igh scent over the cream of the cut-me-down country, and most musically do the light notes o' Wocal and Wenus fall on the ear of those who may be within reach to catch 'em. But who is so forti- nate i' this second bust ' nearly as terrible as the fust ? ' asks Hego. ' Our fancy supplies us again,' says he, ' and we think we could name 'em all. If we look to the left, nearly abi-east o' the pack, we see six men goin' gallantly, and quite as straight as the 'oimds themselves are goin' ; and on the right are four more, ridin' equally well, though the former 'ave rayther the best of it, owin' to 'avin' 'ad the inside o' the 'ounds at the last two turns, which must be placed to the chapter of haccidents. A short way i' the rear, Ijy no means too much so to enjoy this brilliant run, are the rest o' the e/iu- o' the field, who had come hup at the fust check ; and a few who, thanks to the goodness o' their steeds, and their determination to be with the 'ounds, appear as if dropped from the clouds. Some, 'owever, begin to show symptoms o' distress. Two 'osses are seen loose in the distance — a report is flyin' 'bout that one o' the field is badly "ui-t. THE LECTOR RESUMED 339 and sometlun' is 'eard of a collar-bone bein' broken, others say it is a leg; but tbe pace is too good to in- quire. A crackin' o' rails is now 'eard, and one gen'l'man's 'oss is to be seen restin', nearly balanced, 'cross one on 'em, his rider Ijein' on his back i' the ditch, which is on the landin'-side. ' Who is he ? ' says Lord Brudenel to Jack Stevens. 'Can't tell, my lord; but I thought it was a queerish place when I came o'er it afore 'im.' It is evidently a place o' peril, but the pace is too good to 'ford 'elp. "So," continued Mr. JoiTOcks, closing the volume with a clap, and chucking it to Pigg in the background, "they cut 'im down, but don't 'ang 'im up to di*y-" (Laughter and applause.) " 'Old ' Ard ! " now exclaimed Mi-. JoiTocks at the top of his voice, advancing to the front of the platform, causing silence throughout the room. " 'Old 'Ard ! " repeated he, holding up his hand ; " appaUin' sound ! " added he, mournfully, " fearful to the forrard, and dis- piritin' to all. Now's the time that the M.F.H., if he has any mischief in him and 'appens to be hvip, will assuredly let drive at some one. " ' 'Old 'Aed,' explained the worthy lecturer, " means that gen Tmen are to stop their "osses, a thing easier said than done, sometimes. Then if any troublesome stranger, or unpnnctual payer, appears to be forrard, he is sui-e to catch it. " ' Thank you. Mr. Red Vcskit ! ' or ' I'm much ol ileged to that gen'i'man witli tlie big calves for over-ridin' ;«// 'ounds! — weiTy much 'l)lr'ged to him !— most '//rA'larly 'lilcged to him! — most confoundedly 'blcged to him! — G — (Id d 'blcged to him! — Wish the devil had him, big calves and all ! ' "Mcanwiiile the 'untsman makes his cast, that's to say, trots his 'ounds in a circle round where they threw up : ' throw uj) " doesn't mean womitin'. mind, but standin' starin' with tlieir 'oads up, instead of keeitiu' them down, tryin' for the scent. As this is a ci-itical moment, young genTmen sliould refrain frf>m inwitin' tlu^ "uiitHuien or wliips to follow them over gat<'8 or dangerous leaps. All should be 'tentive. A cast is a thing to criticise, on the i)rincii)le of the looker-on seein' tlie most of the game. If there ai-e no l>ig fence's in tlio way. and the 'imta- man knows how far the 'ounds ran with a scent, lie will probably hit it off pi'etty soon. That will be science. " If the leaps are large, he may not l>e so lucky, and 3in HANDLEY CROSS then Mr. Red Veskit, or tlie gen'l'man with the bij? calves, will catch it again. " Should anyone 'int that they have seen a better cast, little buoys will go home and tell their ma's they don't think much of Jack Jones, and Jack's character will begin to go. A fish-fag's ware isn't more iierishable than an 'iintsmau's fame ; his skill is within the judgment of every one — ' Cleverest feller alive ! ' — ' Biggest fool goin' ! ' " But to the run ! The Chass I sing ! A i-un is either a buster — elbows and legs throughout — or it is sharp at first, and slow arterwards ; or it is slow at first and sharp 'hold hakd? easier said than donk ' ai-terwards. The first is wot most frequently finishes the fox ; and when every 'ound owns the scent, unless Old Reynard does the hartf ul dodge, by lyin' down in an 'edge-row, or skulkin' among cattle or ship, in all humane probability his life arn't worth twenty minutes' purchase from the find. " The second class i-un— sharp at first and slow arter- wards — is the most favoural)le to the fox ; for the longei- it lasts, the slower the 'ounds go, until they get to wot the old Agony coachmen used to call Parliament-jiace — that is to say, some six miles an 'oiu-, when they are Tin3 LECTOR RESUMED 341 either nm ont o' scent, or a bipf 'are jumps up afore them, and leads them astray. It's then, ' Ware 'are Weniis I Wictory, for shame ! ' and off 'ome. " The tliird class — slow at first, and sharp artei-wards — is hawkward for the fox, but good for beginners, for they get warm in the progress, instead of being choked at the stai-t. The thing improves, jest like a hiee-cream i' the eatin'. "No two men 'gi'ee upon the merits of a run, 'less they 'appen to 1:>e the only ones to see it, when they an-ange that wot one says t'other shall swear to ; your real jealous bouys can't bear to see many at the finish. In relatin' a nin to an absent friend, it is always allow- able to lay on fifty per cent, for presence. " Talking of a nm, ingenuous youth should speak ia praise of the 'ead the 'ounds caiTied. This doesn't mean that they ran with an 'ead of no sort in their mouths, but that they packed well together, and each strived to be first. It is this wot distinguishes a real pack of fox- 'ounds from your trencher-fed muggars, and constitutes the chaiTu o' the chase. If the death of a fox be all that's desu'ed, a gun wiU do the business much cleaner and better than Muggins and Co.'s towlers. " What looks so contemptible as a stringin' lot o' towlin' beggars toilin' in long line over the 'eavy fallows, and the fox gottin' knocked on the 'ead because the dogs are too tired to kill him themselves ? Out upon sich outrages ! say I. But to the legitimate run. " Not bein' in at the death is reckoned slow, and numerous are the excuses of defaulters — losin' a shoe is one of the counuoiifst; assistin' a friend in trouble, another; 'oss fiilliug hime, a third; thro\vn out in tumin' 'ounds, a foui-th ; anything but the real one- want o' nerve. Nei'vo ineiiiis i)luy the party, a noise was created that is more easily imagined than described. Three cheei-s for Mr. Jorrocks were then called for and given with such vehemence as to amovmt to nine times nine, and one cheer more, during which the worthy master kept bowing and scraping on the_ platform, until he got a ci'ick in his neck from the exercise. CHAPTER XXXIV MR. JORROCKS'S JOURNAL A FEW more extracts from our distinj^uislied friend's jonnial will perhaps best put our readers in i^ossession of the nature of the sport with his hoirads, and doings generally, though being written on loose sheets of paper, and sometimes not very legible, we have had some little difficulty in deciphering it. Indeed, what appear to have been the best runs — especially those with a kill— are invariably the worst written, owing perhaps to our friend indulging in a third pint of port on what he calls "qualified days." On one occasion ho seems to have been writing his jouraal and a letter to his traveller, Mr. Bugginson. together, and to have put into the joumal what was meant for the traveller, and most likely sent to the traveller what was meant for the journal. However, our readers shall have it as we find it, and we will endeavour to supply any little deficiencies from such other sources as are o]jen to us. Mr. JoiTocks would soom to have had another bye-day with Ben while Pigg's clotlies wei'C making, when Ben did not cut any lietter figure than he did on the boiled lobster one. Having got the hounds into cover, as soon i's ever Mr. JonYx-ks began to yoioks and cheer, and crack his whip, exhorting the hounds to "rout 'ini out!" and "pash 'im hup I" Bon stood erect in his stiiTups, and made the following proclamation, to the great amusement of the field : — " I maintain that's the old un's holloo ! " " T maintain that's tlif old un'.s holloo!" rejioat^^d he. "1 imiintain that's the old un's holloo!" he addfd for the iliii-d lime, as here-seated hiiiisfU' in his saddlo, and scull led ;iway to astonish another group of spoi-tsmen with a similar declaration. Mr. JoiTocks adds to his confused note of the trans- action: — "Incoj-rigililc bouy ! (if)od mind to stuff him full o' Melton diuufi- pills, and see if tiicy will give liiiu any knowledge o' the chase." 346 HANDTjEY CR0S8 He also seonis to have liad several " bye " and other days at " Pineh-me-near " forest, when a lif^ht-coloured fox beat hini so often as to acquire the name of the " old customer." We see on cln-oniclinfj his losin.cfs p:enerally, he adds the words—" the nuisciful man is muscif ul to his fox "—just as if he could have killed him if he chose. That, of course, our readers will believe as much of as tlicy like. We shouldn't like to be a fox with old J. at our brush. Some of his runs appear to have been severe, at least if we may judge by the entries of money paid for "catchin" my 'oss "— " stoppin' my 'oss"— and "helpin me on to my 'oss"— which our worthy friend enters with the most scrupulous accuracy. The following is our master's minute of his opening- day :— " Wednesday.— Round of beef and carrots— momentous crisis— first public day as an M.F.H. — morning fine, ratlier frosty— there betimes— landlord polite— many foot-folks— large field— Romeo Simpkins on S(mtag— Captain Slack on Bull Dog— Miss Wells on Fair Rosa- mond—great many captains — found soon — ringiu' beggar— ran three rounds, and accounted for him by losin' him— found again— a ditto with a ditto finish — good for the foot-folks— home at four— muscif ul man is muscif ul to the foxes. Paid for catching my 'oss, 6d. " Found two petitions. One from Joshua Peppercorn prayin' his honour the M.F.H. to subscribe to reinstate him in a cai-t 'oss, his own havin' come to an untimely end of old age. Says the M.F.H.'s always subscribe. Replied as follows : — " ' M. F. H. John JoiTOcks presents his compliments to Mr. Joshua Peppercorn, and is sorry to heai- of the death of his prad, but the M.F.H. 'as enough to do to mount himself and his men without subscriljin' to find other folks i' quads. " ' Diana Lodge.' "Margaret Lucas had her patent mangle seized for rent and arrears of rent, and 'opes the master of tlie fox- dogs will do somethin' towards redeeming it. Wrote as fVjllows : — ■ tt ( ' M. F. H. John Jorrocks presents his compliments to Mrs. Margaret Lucas, and is sorry to 'ear of tlie sitivation of her patent mangle, but the M.F.H. having MR. JORROCKS'S JOURNAL 347 laid it down as a ride never to subscribe to redeem patent mangles, can't depart from it in her ease.' "People seem to think M.F.H.'s have nothin' to do but give away tin. You know one a'n't quite siu-e her mother mayn't have sold her mangle I Besides, if I mis- take not, this is one o' the saucy jades wot laughed at me when I came 'ome with a dirty back. " Mountain Daisy. — Saturday, and few farmers out. — Not many pinks, but three soger officers, two of them mounted by Duncan Nevin — a guinea and a "alf a day each, and 'alf a guinea for a hack. — Drew Slaughterford, and up to the Cloud Quarries. — Priestess seemed to think she bad a touch of a fox in the latter, but could make nothin' on't. — Trotted dovm to Snodbury Gorse — v.-ants enclosin' — cattle get in. No sooner in, than out came a pig, then came a fox, then another pig — then another fox.— Got away with last fox, and ran smartly down to Coombe, where we was headed by a hedger, and we never crossed his line again. — Found a second fox in Scotland Wood — a three-legger — soon disposed of him. — Found a tliird in Didvertou Bog, who i-an us out of light and scent ; stopped the 'oimds near Apjile- dove. — Pigg says Charley Stebbs ' coup'd his creels ' over an 'edge. — Scotch for throwin' a somersault, I im- derstands.— Paid foi- catch in' my 'oss, (id." We also glean from the journal that Mr. Jorrocks allowed Pigg to cap when they killed; but Pigg, not finding that jn-ocess so productive as ho wished, hit upon the following novel expedient for raising the wind : — Seeing that a great many young gentlemen apjieared at the meet who never attemitted to get to the finish, Pigg constituted himself a sort of insurance company, and issued tickets against hunting accidents — similar to what railway comiianies issue against railway ones. By these he undertook for a shilling a day. or five shillings the season, to insure gentlemen against all tho perils and dangers of the chase— broken necks, broken backs, broken limbs, l)roken heads, and even their horses against bioken knees. Indf'cd, he went fni-ther than this, and we have l^een told liy parties who worn jire.sent and liciird him, that he would send Ben among the outsidcr.s at the moot, sing- ing out, " Take your tickets, gents ! please take yoin* tickets ! goin' '\ut(> a hawful country — desperate bull- fiMchersI yawnin' ut ar de like to see his feulish 'ard feace a grinnin' in onder his cap ! " " How way, canny man ; how way ! " now shouts Pigg, waving his hand ;ih liis master approached. " Howvvay ! canny man. how way ! and give us a wag o' thy neif," Pigg extending liis hand as he spoke. Mr. Jorrocks drew up with great dignity, and placing his fist in his side, proceeded to reconnoitre llie .scene. II Hiiniph !" gnintod he, " wot's all this about ? " "Sink, but ar'll gi' lliou a gob full o' baccy," conliiiued James, nothing daunted b^' his master's refusal of his hand. "Sink, but ai-'U gi' thou a gob full o' baccy," rej>eated he, diving into his waistcoat jxicket and i)ro- ducing a large stoel tolnicco box as he sjxjke. Mr. Jorrocks significfl his dissent I)y a chuck of the chin, and an ominous shake of the head. " A— a— a man ! " exclaimed Pigg, now changing 352 HANDLBY CROSS his tone, " but ar'll tell thee of a lass well worth her licks ! " " You deserve your ow)), sir, for gettin' so drunk," observed Mr. Jorroeks, haughtily. Pigg. — " Ar's as sober as ye are, and a deal wizer ! " Jorroeks (angrily). — " I'll not condescend to compare notes w^ith ye ! " Pigg (now flaring up). — " Sink ; if anybody 'ill had mar huss, ar'll get off and fight him." Jorroeks, contemptuously. — " Better stick to the shop- board as long as you can." Pigg, furious. — '" Gin ar warn't afeard o' hoggin mar neif, ard gi thou a good crack i' thy kite ! " JoiToeks, with emphasis. — " Jiaw — da — clou.s feller. I'll 'imt the 'ounds myself afore I'll put hup with sich himperence ! " Pigg. throwing out his arms and grinning inecstacies. — " Ar'il be death of a guinea but arl coom and see thee ! " Jorroeks (looking indignantly round on the now mirth- convulsed company). — " Who's made my Pigg so drunk ? " Nobody answered. " Didn't leave his sty so," muttered our master, lowering himself jockey ways from his horse. '"Old my quad," said he to Charley, handing him Arterxerxes, "while I go in and see." Our master then stumped in. and presently encoim- teriug the great attraction of the place — the beautiful Miss D'Oiley — asked her, with a smiling countenance and a hand in a pocket, as if about to pay, "Wot his 'imtsman 'ad 'ad?" " Oh, sir, it is all paid," replied Miss D'Oiley, smiling as sweetly upon Jorroeks as she did on the generality of her father's customers, for she had no more heart than a punch-bowl. "Is all paid ? " muttered our friend. " Yes, sir ; each gentleman paid as he sent out the glass." " Humph ! " twigged Mr. Jori-ocks, adding, with a grunt, "and that's wot these critters call sport !" Our master then stumped out. "Well, gen'l'men," exclaimed he, at the top of his voice off the horse- block, " I 'opes you're satisfied wi' your day's sport ! — you've made my nasty Pigg as drunk as David's sow, so now you may all go 'ome, for I shalln't throw oft'; and as to you," continued our indignant master, addressing the now somewhat crestfallen Pigg, " you go 'ome too, and take off my garments, and take yourself oif to your THE CAT AND CUSTARD-POT " DAr 353 native mountains, for I'll see ye at Jericho ayont Jordan afore you shall 'imt my 'ounds," giving his thigh a hearty slap as he spoke. " Wy, wy, sir,"' replied Pigg, turning his quid ; " wy, wy, sir, ye ken best, only diuua ye try to hont them thyseV—t/tat'sarle!" *■ There ai-e as good fish i' the sea as everciime out on't!" replied Mr. Jorrocks, brandishing his big whip furiously; adding, "I'll see ye leadin' an old ooman's lap-dog 'bout in a string afore ,//oi( shall "unt 'em." " No, ye won't ! " responded Pigg. " No, ye won't ! Ai-ve ne carle te de nothin" o' the sort ! Ai've ne carle te de nothin' o' the sort !— Aiie gan back to mar coosin Deavilboger's." "You may gan to the devil himself," retoi-ted Mr. JoiTocks, vehemently—" you may gan to the devil him- self—" I'll see ye sellin' small coals from a donkey-cart out of a quart pot afore you shall stay wi' me." "Thou's a varra feulish, noisey, gobby, insufficient, ard man!" retorted Pigg, "and ar doesn't regard thee! No; ar doesn't regard THEE!"roared he, with a defiant flourish of his fist. "You're a hignorant, hawdacious, rebelliotis rascal, ;ind I'U see ye frightenin' rats from a bara wi' the bag- pipes at a 'alfpenny a day, and tindin' yom-sel, afore I'll 'ave anj-thing more to say to ye," rejoined Mr. JoiTocks, gathering up his big whip as if for the fray. " Sink, arle tak' and welt thee like an ard shoe, if thou gives me ony mair o' thy gob ! " rejoined the now furious P'gg, ejecting his baccy and motioning as if aI)out to dismount. Jorrocks, tliinking he had done enough, then took liis liorse from Charley Stol>bs, and hoisting himself on like a great crate of earthenware, whistled his hounds away from the still stupefied Pigg, who sat liliuking and stiiring and shaking his head, tliinking tliero were two JoiTocks's on two Arterxerxes', two lien's, two Cliarley 8tol)bs's, and something like tive-and-forty couple of liounds. The field remained l)ehijul praising Pigg and abusing Jorrocks, and dechiring they would withdraw thr-ir Kui>- scriptions to the hounds if Pigg " ^'ot the sack." None of them would see Pigg want; ami ll.niy Capper, more vfrhement than the rest, j)ropoHe(l an immediate sub- Hcrii)tion, a Huggestion lliatliad tlif3 effect of diHi)er8ing the field, who slunk off dilT. rent ways as soon an ever the allusion to the pocket was made. A .1 351. HANDLEY CROSS Jorrocks was desperately angry, for he had had an expensive " stop," and came bent on mischief. His confusion of mind made liim mistake the road home, and fjo by Rumfiddler Green instead of Muswcll HiU. He spurred, and cropped, and jagged Arterxerxes— now vowing that he would send him to the tanners when he got 'ome — now that he would have him in the boiler afore night. He was very much out of sorts with himself and everybody else— even the hounds didn't please him — always getting in his way, lianging back looking for James Pigg, and Ben had fine fun cutting and flopping them fon-ard. Charley, like a wise man, kept aloof. In this nnamiable mood our master progressed, until the horrible apparition of a great white turnpike-gate, staring out from the gable-end of a brick txjll-house, startled his vision and caused him to turn short np a Avide green lane to the left. " Take care o' the pence and the ])unds 'ill take care o' theirsels," muttered our master to himself, now sensible that he had mistaken his road, and looking around for some landmark to steer by. Just as he was identifying White Choker Church in the distance, a sudden something shot through the body of the late loitering, indiiferent hounds, apparently influencing them with a sort of invisible agency. Another instant, and a wild snatch or two right and left ended in a whimi)er and a general shoot up the lane. "A fox ! for a 'nnderd ! " muttered our master, draw- ing breath as he eyed them. " A fox ! for two-aud- twenty 'underd ! " continued he, as Priestess feathered but sj>oke not. '■ A fox ! for a million ! " roared he, as old Ravager threw his tongue lightly but confidently, and Jorrocks cheered him to the echo. " A fox ! for 'alf the national debt ! " roared he, looking roimd at Charley as he gathered himself together for a start. Now as Jorrocks woiUd say, Beckford would say, " where are all yoiu* sorrows and your cares, ye gloomy souls ? or where your i^ains and aches, ye comiilaining ones ? one whimper has dispelled them all." Mr. Jorrocks takes off his cap and lu'ges the tail- liomids on. A few more driving shoots and stops, jjioducing increased velocity with each effort, and a few more quick snatchy whim]jer8, end in an unanimous outburst of downriglitly determined melody. Jorrocks, cocking his cap on his car seats himself THE " CAT AND CUSTABD-POT " DAY 355 plump in bis j^reut saddle, and, gathering bis reins, gallops after them in the full grin of delight. Away they tear np the rutty, gi-assy ride, as if it was a railway. " F-o-o-r-rard on I F-o-o-r-rard on ! " is his cry. "H-o-i-c cry! h-o-i-c cry! b-o-i-c ! " squeaks Ben, wishing himself at home at the mutton, and delighted at having got rid of James Pigg, who always would have the first cut. It is a long lane that never has a turn, and this one was no exception to the iiile, for in due course it came to an abrupt angle. A convenient meuse, however, inviting the fox onward, be abandoned the line and pursued his coui-se over some bare, badly-fenced pastures, across \yhich Mr. Jorrocks cheered and rode with all the con- fidence of a man who sees his way out. The pace mended as they went, and Jon-ocks hugged himself with the idea of killing a fox without Pigg. From the l)astures they got upon Straggleford Moor, pretty much the same soi't of ground as the fields, but the fox brvish- ing as he went, there was a still further improvement of scent. Jon-ocks then began to bet himself hats that he'd kill him, and went vowing what he would offer to Diana if he did. There was scarcely any promise too wild for him to make at this moment. The fox, however, was not disposed to accommodate Jon-ocks with much more jdain sailing for the purpose, and seeing, by the scai-let coats, that he was not pursued by his old friends the Dotfield hari-iers, as at first he thought, and with whom ho had had many a game at romps, he jjresently sunk the hill and made for tlie stiffly-fenced vale Ijclow. "Blow me tight!" exclaimed Jorrocks, shortening hia hold of Arterxeixes, and putting his head straight as he used to do down the Surrey hills, " Blow me tight! l)ut I wish he mayn't be gettin' me into giief. This looks to me weri-y like the Ingerleigh Wale, and if it is, it's a bit of as nasty ridin' grund as ever mortal man got into — yawuin' dit<-,h<'H with himoracticablR iVju-f.s. posts with rails of the most formidar>le order, and that nasty long Tommy bnik, twistin' and twinin' about in all directions like a child'H rattle-snake. 'Owever, thank goodness, 'ere's a gaj) and a gate beyond," continued be, as his quick eye canglil a gap at the rornor of the stuljbie field lie was now ajiiiroaching, \vi)i<;h g«!tf ing tlirougii, he rose in his stirrups and cheered on the hounds in tiie line of the other convenience. " For-r-.i-r-d ! For-r-a-r-d ! " shrieked lin, pointing the now racing hounds out to Charlie, who wiia a little behind; "for-rard! for-rard!" n5<> HANDLEY CROSS continued Jorrocks, rib-roasting Arterxerxes. The gate ■was locked, but Jackey— we beg his pardon— Mr. Jorrocks— was quickly oil", and setting his great back against it, lifted it off the hinges. " Go on ! never mind me ! " cried he to Charley, who had pulled up as Jorrocks Avas dancing about with one foot in the stirrup, trying to remount.—" Go on ! never mind me ! " repeated he, with desjierate energy, as lie made another assault at the saddle. " Get on, Ben, you most useless aispendage ! " continued he, now lying across tlie saddle, like a miller's sack. A few flounders land liim in the desired haven, and he trots on, playing at catch-stirrup with his right foot as he goes. _" Fon-ard on! forrard on!" still screamed he, cracking his ponderous whip, though the hounds were running THE " CAT AND CUSTARD-POT " DAY 357 away from him as it was, but lie wanted to get Cliarley Stobbs to the front, as there was no one to break his fences for him but him. The honnds. who had been runninsf with a breast-high scent, get their noses to the ground as they come upon fallow, and a few kicks, jags, and objnrgiitions on Jor- rocks's part soon bring Arterxerxes and him into the field in which they are. The scent begins to fail. "G — e-e-e-nt — ly there!" cries Jorrocks, holding up his hand and reining in his horse, inwardly hoping the fox might l>e on instead of ofE to the right, where he sees his shiny friend, long Tommy, meandering smoothly along. '• Yo dole ! Ravager, good dog, yo dufe, Ravagor ! " cheers Jorrocks, as the sage feathers and scuttles up the furrow. ''[Yu-o dote !" continued Mr. Jorrocks, cheering the rest on — adding as he looks at them scoring to cry, " wot a petty it is we can't put new legs to old noses ! " The spurt, however, is of short duration, for the ground gets worse as it rises higher, until the tenderest-nosed hound can hardly own the scent. A heavy cloud too oppresses the atmosphere. Jorrocks sees if he doesn't look sharp he'll very soon be run out of scent, so getting hold of his hounds, he makes a rapid speculation in his mind as to which way he wttuld go if he were the fox, and having decided that point, he loses no time in getting the pack to the place. — Jorrocks is right ! — Ravager's uneiring nose proclaims the varmint across the green headland, and the next field being a clover ley, with a liandy gate in, which indeed somewhat influenced Jorrocks in his cast, the hounds again settle to the scent, with Jorrocks rolling joyfully after them, declaring he'd be tiio l^jst 'untsnian unoke. "Lost all itlee of where I ham, and where I'm a goin'," continued he, looking about to see if he could recognize anything. Hills, dales, woods, water were equally new to him. 358 irANDIiEY CROSS Crash ! now po the hounds npon an old dead thorn- fence, stuck on a low sod-bank, niakinjj^ Jorrocks shxidder at the sound. Over goes Stobbs withoiit doing anything for his followers. " Go on, Binjimin ! go on ! Now," cries Jorrocks, cantering up, cracking his whip, as if he wanted to take it in stride, but in reality to frighten Ben over to break it. " Go on, ye miserable man-monkey of a boy ! " re- peats he, as Xerxes now turned tail, nearly upsetting our master^" Oh, you ei)itome of a tailor ! " groaned Jorrocks ; " you're of no more use wi' 'oi;nds than a lady's-maid, — do believe I could make as good a wipper- in out of a carrot ! See ! you've set my quad a ref usin', and I'll bet a guinea 'at to a 'alf-crown wide-awake he'll not face another fence to-day. — Come hup, I say, you hugly beast ! " now roared Jorrocks, pretending to ])ut Arterxerxes resolutely at it, but in reality holding him hard by the head, — " Get oif, ye useless apology of a hosier and pull it down, or I'll give you sich a wopping as '11 send you to Blair Athol for the rest of the day," exclaimed our half- distracted master, brandishing his flail of a whip as he spoke. Ben gladly alighted, and by dint of pulling away the dead thorns, and scratching like a rabbit at the bank, he succeeded in greatly reducing the obstacle. " Now lead him over ! " cried Mr. Jorrocks, applying his whip freely to Xerxes, and giving Ben a sly, accidental cut. Xerxes floundered over, nearly crushing Ben, and making plain sailing for Jorrocks. Our master then followed and galloped away, leaving Ben writhing and crying, and vowing that he would "' take and pull him off his 'oss." The hounds had now shot a few fields ahead, bat a flashy catching scent diminishing their pace, Mr. Jor- rocks was soon Ijack to them yoicking and holding them on. '" Tooi, over he goes ! " cheered he, taking off his cap, as Priestess endorsed Ranger's promissory note on a vei'y wet nndrained fallow — "Tooi, over he goes!" repeated he, eyeing the fence into it, and calculating whether he could lead over or scuttle up to the white gate on the left in less time, and thinking the latter was safer, having got the hounds over, he rose in his stirrups, and pounded away while Charley took the fence in his stride. They were now upon sound old pasture, lying parallel with tortuous Tommy, and most luvisical were the liounds' notes as each in turn prevailed. — Mr. Jorrocks had lit on his legs in the way of gates, and holloaed and rode as if he didn't know what craning was. THE " CAT AND CUSTARD-POT " DAY 359 "Fovrartl on, Priestess, old beteb!" cheered lie. ad- dressing himself to the now leadincr honnd. " forvard on ! --for-rard!" addinsr, "I'll gie ye sirh a plate o' bones if we do but kill." On the hounds went bustlin.^, chirpinroke away, and were stream- ing full cry across country to where Pigg was p(.'rched. "Getaway hooic ! Get away hooic ! " holloiied our master, deluding hinjself with the idea that he was giving them leave. " Get away h-o-o-ick ! Get away -o-o-ick I " repeated he, cracking his pojidcrous whip. The hollooing still continued -loiidci- if ijo.ssible than before. '■ Blow rue tight 1 " observed Mr. Jorr(j<;kH to himself, "wot a pi|)e the feller 'as! a'most as good as Gabriel Junka's ! " and returning his honi to his saddle, he took 362 HANDLE Y CROSS a quick pflanco at the country for a line to the point, instead of crashing after Charley Stobbs, wlio seenied by the undue elevation of his horse's tail on the far side of tlie fence, to be f^ettini;- into grief already. " There 'ill be a way out by those stacks," said Mr. Jorrocks to himself, eyeing? a military-looking line of burly coni stacks drawn up on the high side of a field to the left: so saying he caught Arterxerxes short round by the head, and letting in the Latchfords, tore away in a desperate state of flutter and excitement, the keys and coppers in his pockets contributing to the commotion. Mr. J. was right, for convenient gaps converged to these stacks, from whence a view of tlie farm-house (Barley Hall) further on was ol^tained. Away he next tore for it, dashing through the fold-yards, leaving the gates open as if they were his own, and catching Ben draining a pot of porter at the back-door. Here our fat friend had the misfortune to consult fanner Short- stubble, instead of trusting to his own natural instinct for gaps and gates, and Shoi-tstubble put him on a line as wide of his own wheat as he covJd, which Avas any- thing but as direct a road as friend Jorrocks could have found for himself. However, Camperdown Hill was a good prominent feature in the country, and by dint of brisk riding, Jorrocks reached it in a much shorter time than the uninitiated would suppose he could. _ Now getting Arterxerxes by the mane, he rose in his stirrups, hugging and cramming him up the rugged ride to the top. When he reached the summit, Pigg, whose sight was much improved, had hunted his fox with a very in- different scent round the base of the hill, and having just got a view, was capping the hounds on as hard as ever his horse could lay legs to the ground, whooping and forcing the fox away into the open. " Wot a man it is to ride ! " ejaculated Jorrocks, eyeing Pigg putting one of Duncan Nevin's nags that had never seen hounds before at a post and rail that almost made him rise perpendicularly to clear. " Well done you ! " continued Mr. Jorrocks, as with a flounder and scramble James got his horse on his legs on the far side, and proceeded to scuttle away again as hard as before. " Do believe he's got a view o' the varmint," continued Mr. JoiTocks. eyeing Pigg"s cap-in-hand progi-ess. " Wot a chaj) it would be if it could only keep itself sober ! " continued Mr. Jorrocks, still eyeing James intently, and wishing he hadn't been too hard upon him. " Of all 'bominable vices under the sun that of himtem- JAMES PIGG AGAIN 363 perance is the most deorradiu' and disg'ustin'," continiied oiu- master emphatically, accompanyinfj the assertion with a hearty crack of the whip dowai his legf. Jorrocks now gets a view of the varmint stealing away over a stubhle, and though he went stouter than our master would have liked if he had been hunting himself, he saw by Pigg's determined way that he was master of him, and had no doubt that he would have him in hand before long. Accordingly, our master got Arterxerxes by his gi-eat Roman-nosed head, and again letting the Latchfords freely into his sides, sent him scrambling down-hill at a pace that was perfectly appalling. Open went the gate at the bottom of the liill, down Jorrocks made for the Long Tommy ford, splash he sent Arter- xei*xes in JTist like Johnny Gilpin in Edmonton "Wash,— ■ th^o^ving the water about, On both sides of the waj-, Just Uke a trundling mop, Or a wild goose at play." Then, having got through, he seized the horse by the mane, and rose the opi)Osing bank, determined to be in at the death if he could. " Blow me tight ! " ejaculated lie, " do believe this hungi'y high-lander will grab him arter all ! " And then rising in his stirruj)s and setting up his great slioulders, Jorrocks tore wp the broken Muggercamp laue, sending the loose stones flying right and left as he went. "If they can but pash liim past Ravenswing-scar," oh»sorved Mr. Joirocks, eyeing the leading hounds approaching it. "they'll moj) 'im to a certainty, for there's nothin' to save 'im urter it. Crikey ! they're past ! and it's U.P. with ohl Pug ! Well, if this doesn't bang Bannager. I doesn't know what does! If we do but kill 'im, I'll make sich a liolferin' to Bacchus as 'ill perfectly 'stonisli 'ini," continued Mr. Jorrocks, setting Artei-xerxes agoing again. "Our-r-r along! you great 'aii-y 'eelcd 'unibugl " gioiiwd he, cropping and rib- roa«ting the hoiw; with his whi]). Arterxei-xes. whos? DCfligree, porha])8. luusn't becni very minutely looked into, soon begins to give unmistakable evidence of satiety. He dr)eKn't seem to care nnu-h about; the whip, and no longer springs to the npur. lie l)egins to play the ciistanets, tfio, in a way that is anylhing i)>it musical to Mr. Jornxiks's car. Our master feels that it will very nr*()n be all IM'. with Ai-terxerxos too. "Come liuj), yon Kiiivellin'. diivellin' son of a lneif(>r Se>i HANDLEY CROSS niatcli-maker ! " lie roars out to Ben, who is coming' laggiufjc along in his master's wake. "Come on!" roared he, waving his arm frantically, as, on reaching the top of Raveuswing-scar, he sees the hounds swinging down, like a huiidle of clock ijendulums, into the valley below. '* Come hup, I say, ye miserable, road-ridin', dishlickin' cub ! and give me that quad, for you're a disgrace to a saddle, and only fit to toast muffins for a young ladies' boardiu' fschool. Come hup, you i)reter- phiperfect tense of 'umbugs ! " adding, " I wouldn't give tuppence a dozen for such beggarly boys ; no, nut if they'd give me a paper bag to put them in." Mr. Jorrocks, having established a comfortable landing-place on a grassy mound, i^roceeded to dismount from the nearly piimped-out Arterxerxes, and pile him- self on to the much fresher Xerxes, who had been ridden more as a second horse than as a whipper-in's. " Now go along ! " cried our master, settling himself into his saddle, and giving Xerxes a hearty salute on the neck with his whip. " Now go along ! " repeated he, " and lay yourself out as if you were in the cut-me- downs," adding, " there are twenty couple of 'ounds on the scent ! " " By 'eavens, it's sublime ! " exclaimed he, eyeing the hounds, streaming away over a hundred-acre pasture below. "By 'eavens, it's sublime! 'ow they go, screechin' and towlin' along, jest like a pocket full o' marbles. 'Ow the old wood re-echoes their melody, and the old castle seemingly takes pleasure to repeat the sound. A Jullien conceit's notliin' to it. No, not all the bands i' the country put together." " How I wish I was a heagle ! " now exclaimed Mr. JoiTocks, eyeing the wide stretching vale before him. " How I wish I was a heagle, 'overin' over 'em, seein' which 'ound has the scent, which hasn't, and which are runnin' frantic for blood." " To guide a scent well over a country for a length of time, through all the changes and chances o' the chase, and among all difficulties usually encountered, requires the best and most experienced abilities," added he, shoi-tening his hold of his horse, as he now put his head down the steep part of the hill. Away Jon-ocks went wobbling like a great shape of red Noyeau jelly. An accommodating lane serves our master below, and taking the grassy side of it, he pounds along manfully, sometimes hearing the hounds, sometimes seeing Pigg's cap, sometimes Charley's hat, bobbing over the fences ; JAMES PIGG AGAIN 365 aud, at more favoured periods, arettinjr a view of the whole panorama of the chase. Our master is in ecstasies ! He whoops, and slionts. and grins, and rolls in his saddle, looking more like the drunken Huzzar at the circus, than the sober, well-conducted citizen. '• F-o-r-rard on ! " is still his cry. Hark ! They've tm-ned and are coming towards him. Jorrocks hears them, and spurs on in hopes of a nick. Fortune favours him, as she generally does the brave and ])erseveriug, and a favouraljle fall of the land enables our friend to view the fox still travelling on at an even, stealthy sort of pace, though certainly slower than the still pressing, squeak, squeak, yap, yap, running pack. Pigg and Chai'ley are in close .attendance, and Jorrocks nerves himself for a grand effort to join them. " I'll do it," says he, putting Xerxes at a well broken- down cattle-gap, into Wandei-moor Common. Tliis move lands liim well inside the hounds, and getting upon turf, he Inigs his horse, resolved to ride at whatever comes in his way. Another gap, not (luite so well flattened as the first, helps our friend on in his project, and emboldened by success, he rams m;infully at a low stake and rice- liound gateway, and lands handsomely in the next field. He thus gains confidence. "Come (m, ye miserable, useless son of a lily-livered lifsom-maker," lie roars to Benjamin, who is craning and funking at the place his master has come so gallantly over. *' Rot ye, ' adds Jorrocks, as the horse turns tail, " I'll Vjind ye 'prentice to a salmon pickler." The next field is a fallow, but Jorrocks chooses a wet furrow, up wliicli lie sj)urts briskly, eyeing the country far and near, as well fur the fox, as a way out. He sees both. The fox is skirting tlie brow of the opi)Osite heatliory hill, startling the tinkling belled Hhee[), while the friendly shephfrd waves his cap, indicating an exit. " Thank'ee,"crieH Jorro<0{s,aslie slijis tliroui^li the gate. There is nothing now between him and the hounds, save a somewhat rough piece of moorland, but our mastfU" not being afraid of the jjacc ho long as there is no leaping, sails away in the full glow of enthusiastic excitement. He is half frantic, with joy! The hounds now lucak from Kccnt to viow and chase tli/iji( he did kill mij cw-k. He passed through the Apollo Belvidero gardens and perched on one of tlie balls at my back gales, as if the place were his own. When my maid, Maria, fed the fowls, he flew among them, and because my cock resented tlie intrusion he killed him on the Hj)ot; and then liis niaHadger-baiter, dog-fancier, which has been unhandsomely interpreted into fancy gentlemen that fancy other ])eople's dogs, horse-slaiightercr, private distiller, and smasher.* About five years ago he was nearly caught at the latter work. Sitting, as ' was his custom always in an afternoon,' at a public-house in the Hampstead Lane, upon 'liis secure hour,' two police- men stole. The energetic firmness of Billy's character was manfully displayed. Seizing a handfid of bank- notes, which he had in his pocket, he thrust his hand into the fire, and held them there until they were con- sumed. The flesh peel'd ofB his fingers. " He once had a turn with the excisemen before. With his intimates BiUy had no deceit, and used to boast that there was summat running under his heaps of old horse- bones that was the maiTow of his existence. WeU, the Excise strongly suspecting this, sent down a posne comi- latns to Copenhagen-fields to bring up Billy's body. He was busy with a bunch of sporting men at a dog-fight when Miss Aberfordt came to give the office. Billy's mind was soon made wp. Sending all his spoi-ting friends into the house, and locking tlie doors, he unmuzzled his two bears and turned them loose among the officers. The scramble that ensued beggars description. In less than five minutes the red-breasts X — ^for it was before the * Coiner, or pnaser of forgcrl notes. + Billy's (Imiphtcr. The name of this singular man was Aberford. X The Bow Street officers of former days wore red waistcoats. MR. JORROCKS'S JOtTRNAL 373 cnisher times— were flown. It is a singular fact and says much for t]ie influence of female charms, tliat Mr.t. Aherford could hold and fight the dogs when they were too savage for Billy. "I always feared Billy's illegitimate pursuits would lead him into trouble. ' Master Bowker,' said he to me PICO Pl.rW A DOl-Bt.R FLIOIIT OF OAK UAII.H one day. ' Do voii wnrif to buy nn 'oss fhenj) P' ' Where did yon get liim, Billy ? ' naid J. ' Fuinnl him, mast^^r,' said he. ' Ah I wan coming ho:ne on ff)ot from Chiswick, I sees a gig and 'ohh a stnnfling all alone in Chiswick Lane — says I, Billy, my bov, you may as well ride as walk— HO I flriv if liomo, nufl now th^^ bofly o' the gig's in the l)lack dit<'h, the wIk-oIh are on my Kna<^kcr-f;irt, 874 HANDLET CKOSS and I've bogged the 'oss's mane and cnt his tail, so that his own master wouldn't know him.' "Altogether, Billy has been a queer one, but still hangin's a hard matter, especially as they have not found the exciseman. Billy may now sport his o^ti joke to Jack Ketch, of 'Live and let live, as the criminal said to the hangman.' " Tour second letter about the mountebanks is just received — strange, that I should be writing about rope- dancing just as it came. I'll see what I can do about sending you a troop. We of the sock and buskin do not call them companies. I rather think Polito is down in yoiu' part of England, perhaps his wild beasts woidd answer as well; — beef -eaters, tambourine, &c., would make a grand row before Sanctity Hall. Mello wants flooring. I'D send him a broken dish l)y this post, requesting his acceptance of a piece of plate from his London patients. A basket of cats by coach would be a nice loresent, labelled ' game.' " Tour much obliged and very humble sei*vant, "Wm. Bowker." The following seems to have been a good run; we take it verbatim from the journal, omitting some matters of no interest : — " Candid Pujg. — Went with the 'ounds for fear of accidents. Large field, and many strangers. Lots o' farmers. Mr. Tarnley in a yellow gig. Told us to draw his withey bed first. Trotted down to it, and no sooner were the 'ounds in than out went Reynard at the low end. Sich a fine chap! Bright ruddy coat, with a well-tagged brush. One whisk of his brush, and away he went ! Pigg flew a double flight of oak rails, and Bin began to cry as soon as ever he saw them. 'Ounds got well away, and settled to the scent without interrup- tion. Away for Frampton End, and on to Pij)pen Hall, past Willerton Brake, and up to Suapperton Wood. Here a check let in the roadsters ; it was but momen- tary. Through the wood and away for Lutterworth Bank. Earths open, but Reynard didn't know them, or hadn't time to try them — headed about a mile to the north of Lutterworth Spinney by people at a football match, and turned as if for Hollington Dean, taking over the large grass enclosures between that ;ind Reeve's Mill, bringing the deep race into the line. Pigg blobbed MK. JORROCKS'S JOURNAL 375 in and out like a water-rat; out on the riglit side too. Baniinlank ; smelt wen-y strong of a trai). Ban-ack Wood. Found immediately. Away for New- timl>er Forest; but headed within a quarter of a mile \>y coursers. Field rather too foiTard, or Pigg rather too backward, havin' got bogged cf)Uiin' out of cover. Came up in a desperate rage, grinnin' and swcaiin' as lie went. Baniington in front; swore at him just as he would at a three-punder. The idea of swearin' at a geu'leman wot gives i;.">U a year to the 'o\inds ! Made nothin' more of the fox. Came on rain, and give in at two. Lectored Pigg for swearin' at a largo payin' sub- Hcrilxjr. Pai and distance, anything that anybody liked to call it. Con— found all faniifrH'say I, w(»tdeal in dim Me ditches! Con— foimd all farmers say I, wot iikthI thr-ir f'-nccH with old wire-rope 1 376 HANDLEY CROSS Con — fonnd all farmers say I, wot don't keep their gatps in Gfood order ! Con — found all fanners say I, wot ai-e nnaccommo- datin' about ^aps ! Con — found all farmers say I, wot arn't flattered hy 'aving- their fields ridden over ! Con— found all farmei's say I, wot m to tatters on the drying lines — children were lifted oil" their legs, and grown-up jK'ople knocked against each otlier at the comers of the streets. "This issnmnmt new at all ewonts," said Mr. Jon-ocks, eyeing a large laurel Uni\ ii]> by the roots in the garden, " that tree never had such a hike aforo in its life," and as he hH>ked the l>ack door flewoj)en with a crjujli that split it from t<^)i) t^) l)otk)ni. " Wish there mayn't 1»e jiiischief," s.iid he, hnddling on liis dressing-gown and ninning down-stairs, recollect- ing there was something aWnit repaii^s in his agreement. Here he fonnd the soot covering the drnwing-room carpet, and the kit<'hen floor strewed wi( ii luicks ;ind mf)rt.ar- "Oh, de.irl oh, dear,'' exehiiiiicd he, " here's a ten-ible disast/'r. five juin'ls wortli of «l:im;ige :it least. and, ord rot it I there's my Jeiry Hiiwkins mng broke : " gathering the fragmentj^ of a jtig rejiresenting that renowned (Tlouccst^frshire sport sinan. 378 HANDLEY CROSS The wind was cuttingly keen, and swept up and down with unrestrained freedom. There was not a fire liglited, and the whole place smelt of soot, and was the picture of misery. " Shall never get to the World Turned Upside Down to-day," said Mr. Jorrocks, eyeing the scene of desolation, and wishing what he saw might be the extent of the mischief. " Pity to lose a day too," added he, thinking it might only be a squall. He now sought the refuge of the parlour, but oh ! what greeted him there! — the window wide open — chairs huddled in the centre of the room, the table in the corner, and Betsy with up-turned gown, scrubbing away at the grate. " Now blast it, Batsay," roared Mr. JoiTOcks, as a gust of wind swe^jt a row of china oli' a chill'onnier. '' Now blast it, Batsay, vot in the name of all that's hugly are you arter now ? " " Only polishing the grate ! " exclaimed Betsey, astonished at seeing her master walking about in his night-cap and dressing-gown. " But vot in the name o' badness are you workin' with the winder open for ? " " To air the house, to be sure ! " replied Betsey tartly. " Haik THE 'ousE ! " screamed Mr. JoiTOcks, whisking his dressing-gown roimd as he sj^oke, " Hair the 'ouse, it's hairy enough already ! — ord rot it ! you 'ousemaids have no sort o' comjjassion about you — the colder the day_, the hairier you are ! See vot you've done now ; Belinda's pet-lambs, your misses's Cupid, and my model of_ the Saracen's 'Ead on Snow '111, all dashed to spinnage! Enough to make the Harchbishop o' York swear ! " saying which, Mr. Jorrocks whisked his dress- ing-gown the reverse way, and bounced out of the room, lest he might be tempted into the indiscretion of an oath. Our master i-in up-stairs, but little consolation greeted him there. His dressing-table was covered with blacks — his looking-glass was on the swing — his soap was reduced to a wafer — there was nothing but cold water to shave with, and his beard being at all times rather untractable, rough enough to light a lucifer match upon, he inflicted sundry little gashes on his chin, as he jagged a blunt razor over the stubborn stubble ; altogether his toilette was performed under most dis- com-aging, disheartening circumstances. Still he dressed for hunting, the hounds being advertised, and there being a possibility of the wind lulling. THE WOELD TUKNED TTPSIDE DOWN DAY 379 Batsay had got tlic parloui- "haired" hefore he made his second appearance, but she had had to borrow a neigh- bour's kettle, and was making some toast in the room when he entered. The wind having abated, Mr. Jorrocks thought lie might as well make up with her, as a sort of peace-offering to ^olus. " Now. Batsay," said he, in a mild and agreeable tone, " I've never had cause to find fault with you afore, but really on a vindy day like this, it does seem rayther unkind lettin' old Boreas take the run o' the 'ouse in—" "It warnt old Borus," replied Betsey, colouring brightly. " Oh, dash my vig ! " exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks, hurrying out, " that confounded young carpenter's been here again ! That's the way they hair one's 'ouse." Whish — Wha-s-s-sh— blash— roar went the wind, as Mr. Jorrocks left the room. Stobljs wouldn't get up, and Mr. Jorrocks got through breakfast alone under very chilly, disheartening, un- comfortable circumstances. The kettle had only half boiled, and the tea was little better than water— blacks floated on the cream, and the butter was similarly ornamented — the eggs were cold in the middle, and the sausages only done tm one side, added to which, the l>aker'8 oven was Vjlown do%vn, and there was nothing but stale rolls ; altogether, it was a very sorry affair. " Well, better luck ne.\t time," said Mi-. Jorrocks to himself, huiring away from the scene of discomfort. • **#** "Can we 'uut, think you, Pigg?" incpiired he of James, wliom he found turning the horses round in their stalls, preparing for a start. Pigg. — " leas, ar shoidd think w<> may, towards noon ; the wind's unfominon kittle now, thotigli, - inaist had mar head smaslifd with a pantile ((jinin' past ard Tommy Trotter's Biar." "It's worry cold," observed Mr. Jorrocks. thuminng his right hand sicross his chest. "Now, Binjiniin, wot's 'happened to you?" lofjking at the boy all bathed in tears. " So-o-o cold." drawled the lioy. "Cold! you little wannint!" repeeted Mr. Jorrocks briskly; "wot biisinoHH liav <-old P — Tliink o' ginglation under the infliction of spurious, imrequired wax, and other enormities. Veneraljle elms sheltered the ends of the house, and the side from the road opened into a spacious garden overlooking rich meadows sloping away to a smoothly gliding stream, while distant hills closed the scene in circling greyness of romantic form. That was its summer aspect. On this eventful day things wore a different garb. As the hounds approached, Flash Jim's swell Talliho coach was seen resting against the bank, while the i)urple stream of life was fast flowing from a dying hor.se. Tiio Inige elms at the east end of the house were all uitrootcd, while one cm the west had fallen with destructive crasli upon the house, bearing down a whole stack of chimneys, and stripping the ivy oil' thf! wall. The ])lue and gold sign creaked and flapped in the wind, while the pride of the road, a y(!w-tree ecpiestrian, was torn up by the roots, and dashed against the railing Iteyrmd. "Bliss my 'eart!" exclaimed Jorrocks, eyeing the fallen horseman, "that's too liad! Those great holms I wouldn't car*! about, but to ruin sucli a triumph of the h'art is too l>aottle remained in the cupboard. Bricks, soot, lime, dust, and broken furni- ture strewed tlie house, and the "little Worlds" were huddled together in a comer, not knowing whether to be frightened or pleased. THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN DAY 383 The "Old World"' liad thrown himself into an easy- chair in the parlonr, having taken the precaution of \\Tai3ping his wife's red petticoat about his shoulders to prevent his catching cold. " I shall never get over it," exclaimed he, as Mr. Jon-ocks entered, whij) in hand ; "ruined, sir! — beggared! — nothing left for me but the onion— the bastille I " " Vy the vind has certain//V paid you a hawful wisit," obsei-ved Mr. Jon-ocks, looking at the trees lying across each other outside ; " but it would have l.>een worser if it had bi'oke them." " Oh, it's not them I cares about," exclaimed Jemmy, pulling the petticoat about his ears ; " it's not them, nor the great oak at the bottom of the field — kept the sim ofE the grass; those are uiy landlord's. It's my bush I'm bad about," and thpreujjon he pulled the petticoat up to his 1)ottle nose, and Inn-st into tears. " What ails the oull man ? " in(iuirod Pigg, with a fine stream of tobacco, all clotted with dust, running from his mouth. "It's his beautiful busli," replied Mr. Jorrocks, in a whi8ix?r. " Didn't you see that the yew-tree 'oss and i-ider wore torn up by the roots ? The Old World loved that l>ush." Pigg. — "Ord sink! what's the use o' blubberin' about tliat? thei'e are plenty o' bushes loft. There be twe fine hollins, he may cut into what he likes, shot towers, steeples, or ought," saying which, Pigg loft the room. " (Jf)iiie, choor up, old buoy," said Mr. Jorrocks, sooth- ingly, "and let's have a drop o' comfort. I declare I'm poi-fectly ijerished. Let's have bottouis o' bi-andy. 'Ot with-" At the word brandy, the "Old World" brightened iij). lie dived into his apron pocket, and ringing the boll, ordorod his missis to liring glasses and Ww. l)ottlo. Drink brings comfort to some minds, and Jemmy Ijush's mind was of that description. With the first glass he said little; the second, not miich more, but the jtetticoat began to droop fn^ni liis ears; and at the third, lie had it uj)f>n lii.s hIioiiMoi-s. " It's an ill wind that blows nobody good," at length observed he, with a sigh. "That groat oak at the bottom of my meadow has l)oon an eyesore to ino these twenty years. Its gi-eat ugly l>ran( lies <'f)vered half an acre of land, and oiii- Kf|iiir<' 7iovoi' would have it lopjwd or cut down. Said he, ' There's the finoHt viow in the country from it— you see the river, and tlio rniiis of the 384 HANDLBY CROSS alibey. and the Gayhiirst hills in the distance,' and I don't know what; the silly man forf^ettin^, all the time, that he would see jixst the same things whether the tree was there or not ; and it spoiled as much grass as woiild have kept me a calf." " Great humbrageous beggar ! " observed Mr. Jor- roeks ; adding, " I s'pose the tree would be worth simimut P " " No doubt," replied Jemmy. " But nothing like so valual)le as my IjitsIi ; " and thereupon he heaved a sigh, and pulled the petticoat about liis ears. Just then a man passed the window, with a couple of horses, and Mr. Jorrocks ran to look at him. He was di'essed in a veiy old hat, with a new cockade in it, a faded green neckcloth, a stained red waistcoat, a fustian frock and trousers, with thick shoes and worsted stock- ings, and wore moustachios. He rode a weedy chestniit, and led an unhappy-looking grey, the latter decorated with a running martingale and a noseband, and sundry rings and contrivances. " Whose be those ? " inquired Mr. JoiTocks, with gi'eat importance. " Captain Smith and Lieutenant Brown," replied the soldier-groom, saluting him. " Foot-captins, I presume? " replied our master, look- ing at their horses. " Grenadier company," reijlied the man. " It's all the same to me," replied Mr. Jorrocks. " They don't exjiect I'm agoin' to 'unt sich a day as this — do they 'i " " Don't know," replied the man ; " got my orders last night, and in coiu'se I came on." " Then you'd better cut away and meet them, and say that unless good payin' subscribers, to the amoiint of ■£30, cast up, I shallu't cast off; " adding, as he wheeled about, " Don't think any man with thirty pence he could call his own would turn out such a day as this." Mr. Jorrocks returned to the parlour, and was be- ginning a dissertation upon hunting, when Pigg entered the room, with a sjjade over his shoulder, and addressed Jemmy Lush with — " Now gau and water your l)uss with your tears, 'ars gettin' it oop again." " No ! " exclaimed Jemmy, ninning to the window ; sure enough it was up, and two horse-keepers were busy securing it with ropes and strong posts. Jemmy Lush was half frantic. He threw the petticoat THE WORLD TURNED UPSIDE DOWN DAY .".85 into the corner, and ran to the f^arden to embrace his old friend. Little mischief had ensued from its excursion. The rider's hat had got a cast on one side, and the bit of the horse's bi-idle was broken ; but there was nothing that Jemmy's fatherly care would not easily rectify. Great was Jemmy's gratitude. He placed all the cold meat in his larder at Pigg's disposal, and as the storm abated and the party were about to set off, he insisted upon putting a bottle of brandy into each of Pigg's pockets. One of them, we are son-y to say, was broken on its journey home, by bumi^ing against the back of his saddle. The " Paul Pry " of that week contained a long list of damage and disasters, and Mr. Jorrocks learnt from the heading of the article that he had been out in a "terrible hurricane." In his mem. of the day's doings in his Journal, he adds this passage from his friend Beckford : — ■■ Take not out your "ounds on a werry windy day." \' :^Sr^-" c c CHAPTER XXXIX MR. MARMADUKE MULETGBUBS Towards the close of a winter's day, a dirty old dog- cart, witli "John Jorrocks, M.F.H.," painted up behind, wliisked from the turnpike up the well-laurelled drive of Cockolorum Hall. The hounds were to meet there in the morning, and Mr. Jorrocks liad written to apprise his unknown host of his coming. Being rather late, and having a hack, Mr. Jorrocks had driven a turn faster than usual, and as he cut along the sound drive, the Hall was soon before him. It had originally been a large red-fronted farm-house, converted by a second owner into a villa ! increased by a third into a hall; while xmdei- the auspices of its jjresent more aspiring master it was fast assuming the appearance of a castle. Massive stone towers, with loop- holed battlements, guarded the corners — imitation guns peered through a heavy iron palisade along the top — while a stone porch, with massive black-nailed folding oak doors, stood out from the red walls of the centre. A richly-emblazoned flag, containing the quarterings of many families, floated fi'om the roof. Mr. Marmaduke Muleygrubs had been a great stay- maker on Ludgate Hill, and, in addition to his_ own earnings (by no means inconsiderable), had inherited a large fortune from a great drysalting uncle in Ber- mondsey. On getting this he cut the shop, bought Cockolorum Hall, and having been a rampant Radical in the City, was rewarded by a J. P, -ship in the country. Mr. JoiTocks knew all about liini, though Mr. Muley- grubs did not know he did. " Quite genteel, I declare." said Mr. Jorrocks, eyeing the mansion as he pulled up at the door, and clambei'ed down his vehicle to give the massive bronze helmet- handled bell a pull. " Perfect castle,'' added he ; " 'opes I shalln't get soused," recollecting his last adventure in one. The spacious folding-doors were presently opened by MR. MARMADUKE MULEYGRUBS 387 an ill-sbaped, clumsy-looking yoxith, in a gorgeous suit of state livery, and a starched neck-cloth, so broad and so stiff as perfectly to pillorize him. A quantity of flonr concealed the natural colour of his wild matted hair, while the ruddiness of a healthy comjilexion was lieightened by a bright oi-ange-coloured coat, with a white worsted shoulder-knot dangling at the side. His waistcoat was a broad blue and white stripe, breeches of scarlet plush, and white silk stockings, rather the worse for wear, as appeared by the darning up the calf; stoutish shoes, with leather strings, comi)leted the costume of this figiire footman. " Now, young man ! " said Mr. Jorrocks in his usual fi-ee-and-easy way, " now, young man 1 jest stand by my nag while I takes out my traps, for I harn't brought no grum. — See. now." continued he. pulling out the gig-seat, '■ put that i' my bedroom, and jest give them 'ere tops a rub over for the nioniin'." producing a pair of nuid- stained boots that he had worn the last day's hunting; " it weren't no iise bringin' a clean pair," oljserved he, lialf to himself and half to the servant, " for they'd a' got ciiimpled i' the comin' and those won't take no moi-e cleanin'. Now, where's the stable ? Love me, love my 'oss," continued he. adjusting the reins in the territs, and preparing to lead round. " That way," said Stiffneck, extending his left arm like the wand of a telegraph, as he stood with the dirty top-Vjoots in the other, saying whidi he wheeled about and re-entered the house, leaving Mr. Jorrocks to find his way as he could. "Ah. never mind.'" said tlie wf)rtliy man to himself, seeing ho was gone, " if I could find the 'ouse, be ))und I can find tlie stable; " saying which he turned his vehicle round, and following the old wiiecl-marks on the gravel, was very soon in the stable-yard at the back of the castle. Here he found another youtli in red jjIusIi breeches and wliite silk ntf)ckiMi,'s, wasliing liis face at the cis- tern, ])urifying liiniHolf froui the wtable preparatory to aj»p<';iring in the parlour. "Here, young man," said Mr. Jorrocks, "jest put up my 'o8H afore ever you start to adoni yourself; and if you take well care of him, I'll give you 'alf-a-crown i' the nioniin'. He's a r-,lipped un. and won't take no cleanin'," contiiuifd he, eyeing the smoking. curly-coated bnite, and wondering whether the chap would l)elieve him or not. This matter being arranged, Mr. JoiTocks ferreted his way back to the front, and, opening the door, passed .388 HANDLRY CROSS throuefli the ^reen foldiiif,' ones of the ])oreh and entered ii hall lieyond. TliLs was fitted up in the l);ir()]iial style. Above a si)a(;ious iiKintel-piece, occupyini;- about a third of the apartment, branehed an enormous staff's head, hiuiff round with pistols, swords, cutkisses, and warlike Aveapous of various kinds, and the walls were covered with crrim-visaffed warriors, kni^'hts in armour, and ladies of l)yg()ne days. Many had their names painted in white at the bottom of the pictures, or done in l:)lack on the various patterned frames : there was Sir Martin Miiley- ,f?rul3s, and Dame Juliana Muleygrul:)S, and Darius Muleygrubs, and Erasmus Muleygfrubs, and Memnon Muleycrrubs, and Pericles Muleygrubs, and Demosthenes Muleygruljs, and Jolin Thomas Muleygrubs. " Such a lot of stay-makers ! " as Mr. Jorrocks observed. _A full-len.trth figure of Nemesis, the groddess of justice, with her balance in one hand and whip in the other, hung over a richly-carved, high-back, old oak chair; and on a table near were ranged Burns's "Justice." " Statutes at Large," Archbold's " Magistrate's Pocket- liook,"" and other emblems of the law. '■ The cliap must be a hcah: ! " said Mr. Jorrocks aloud to himself, as he glanced them over. The fire threw a cheerful glciim over the baronial hall, and our master, having lunig his hat on the stag's horns, and deposited his Sii)ho]iia, on the table, took :i coat-iaj) over each arm, and, establishing himself witii his back to the fire, proceeded to hum what he considered a tune. His melody Avas interrupted by the partial oj)ening and closing of a door on the rigiit. followed by a lisping exclamation of — "Oh, ma! here's Kitey come again!" A "Hush, my dear," and scuttling along the passage, reminded Mr. JoiTocks that he was not; at home, so, drojjping liis tails, and pulling his wig straight, he made for the recently opened door. This let him into a passage, lighted with flickering, ill-established lani])s, along wliich he kept till Jie came to a ijink slieep-skin mat before a door, at whicli he paused, and presently turning oil', he entered a room, in which he found a lady and a bunch of excited children. The former rose, and concluding she would be tlie " missis,"' Mr. Jorrocks tendered the hand of fellowship, and tlien gave each child a chuc:k under the chin; nor was he wrong in his conjecture, for Mrs. Marmaduke Muleygrubs immediately began apologizing for the absence of her lord. "Duke," she said, "was unfortunately engaged at MR. MARMADTTKT] T.IXTLETGETJBS 389 that moment with some impoi-tAiat justice business " — (decantinsc the wine). Mr. Jorrocks " "Opetl his jjrace wouldn't "urry himself." "It was very provoking'." she continued, without re- garding Mr. Jorrocks's observation; "but the whole county came to him for justice, and Duke could hardly be said to have a moment to himself. Every Saturday he was engaged the whole day on the bench, and at the Poor-Law Giiardians, but she hoped before long they would findsome more people fit to make magistrates of, for really it was taxing ability rather too highly. Not but that Duke's affection for the Queen would prompt him to serve her as long as he could, but — " Just as she had got so far, the door opened, and Duke himself appeared, smoothing down his cuffs after the exercise of his magisteiial functions. He was a little, round-about, )>ot-bellied, red-faced, bald-headed, snub-nosed, chattering chap, who. at first sight, would give one the idea of being very good-natured, if it were not notorious that he was the most meddling, officious, ill-conditioned little beggar in the county. He was di-essed in one of the little nondescript jackets of the day, with a " ditto '' waistcoat, drab kerseymei-es, and leather leggings. Over his waistcoat he sported a broad mosaic gold chain, made to resemble a country mayor's as much as possible. "Mr. Jorrocks, I presume," said he, rubbing his fat hands as he advanced up tiie room. " Right! " replied our master, extending his hnnd. " Beg ten thousand pardons for not being here to receive you," said Duke, intending to be very gracious. " Make no apology." interrupted Mi-. Jorrocks; "whoi-e there's ceremony there's no frindship." "Been l)ored witli justice business all tlio afternoon," <;ontiuued Mr. Muleygrubs; "bailing a Imll that w:ia unjustly put in tiie pound. You are not in the Com- mission of the Peace, perliapsJ'" " Not I," rej)lied Mr. Jorrocks carelessly ; " never was in any cominisHion, save one, as iigent for Twankay's mexed teas, and a proci(nis coiiimisHion it was haw ! haw! haw! — lost three 'undord pund l)y it, and more. But, however, nimportc, as we nay in France. Werry glad to come hero to partako o your hospitality. — Itrouglit my niglit-nip with me, in course,— a rule o' iiiiue, that wht-n; I dine I isleep, and where I sleep T l)r(!akf;iHt. Dont do to ilnirn one's dinm-r uj),- 'ow long doea't want to feedin' tiiiu; H " 390 HANDLEY CROSS Mr. Marmaduke was rather posed with his guest's ffimiliarity. He intended to i^atvonize Mr. Jorroclcs, whereas the hitter seemed to think himself on a perfect footinc: of eqiiality. Not in the Commission of the Peace, either! But then Duke didn't know that Mr. Jorrocks knew about the stays. PuUinff out a great gold watch, our host asked his wife what time they dined. (Duke included the kitchen department in his magisterial functions.) "Half-past six, my dear," replied his wife, with great humility. " Wants twenty minutes to six," observed Mr. Marma- duke, striking the repeater. " Perhaps you'd like to take something before dinner — sandwich and a glass of sherry ? " "Never touch lunches," replied Mr.^ Jorrocks, disdain- fully. " Never know'd a chap good for nothin' wot did. Wonder you don't dine at a reasonable hour, though," added he. "Faith, we think half-past six rather early," replied Mr. Muleygrubs ; " seven's our visual houi — same asiny friend Onger's— but we have some neighbours coming, and made it a little earlier on their account." " Well, it'll be so much the worse for your grub when it does come," observed Mr. Jorrocks ; " for I ni well- nigh famished as it is. Howsomever that reminds me that I've a letter to wi-ite ; and if you'll let me 'ave a peep at your ' Directory,' " continued he, advancing towardsa round table well garnished with gilt-edged books, " I'll look oiit the feller's address, for there's nothin' like doin' things when they're in one's mind, and — " " ' Directory ! ' " exclaimed Mr. Muleygrubs, " that's a ' Peerage ! ' " " Bother your Peerages ! " muttered Mr. Jon-ocks, chucking the costly volume down; adding, aloud to himself, "Wot business ha' you wi' Peerages, I wonder P " Mrs. Muleygrubs looked at our Master with an air of commiseration. She wondered what her husband was making such a fuss about such a man for. "Well, now then," said Mr. Jorrocks, turning short round and button-holeing his host, while he looked at him as Muleygrubs would at an unwilling witness; "well, now then, tell me 'bout the foxes— 'ave you plenty on 'em ? " " Plenty ! " replied Muleygrubs, with the utmost confidence, for he had just received a very flue dog one from the well-known Mr. Diddler, of Leadenhall Market, JIK. MARMADUKE MULETGRUBS 391 who, by dint of stealing back as fast as he supplies, manages to carry on a very extensive business with a very small stock-in-trade. " Plenty ! " repeated Muleygrubs, with the same con- fident tone. " That's good," said Mr. Jorrocks. winking and poking him in the ribs; " that's good— for though I'm 'appy to dine wi' people, yet still the 'unt is the real thing I comes for ; and I always says to folks wot ask me to stir hup their covers, ' Now, don't let lis 'ave any 'umbug. If yoii 'aven't foxes,' say I, ' don't pretend that you 'ave, for the truth must out, if my 'ounds come, and it will only be addin' the wice o' falseliood to the himputation o' selfishness, sayin' you 'ave them if you aven't.' " '■Just so," assented Mr. Muleygrubs, congratulating himself on having excused himself from either charge. Mr. JoiTocks, liaving thus broken the ice, proceeded, in a most energetic manner, to give Mr. Muleygrulis his opinions upon a variety of subjects connected with the chase, the breeding and rearing of hounds, the difference of countries, the mischief of too mucli interference, killing above ground and digging, uncertainty of scent, signs and indications, with a glance at the im])ositions of keepers, all of which, being Hebrew to Mrs. Muley- gruljs, and very nearly HeVjrew to her husband, caused lier to slink (juietly away with her chicks, leaving her husband to the mercy of the " extraordinary man " he liad lx;en so indiscreet as to invite. Poor Mr. Muleygrubs couldn't get a word in sideways, iind was sitting the perfect picture of despair, when niiiilile, diimhl*!, diimble, dumble, went a great gong, startling Mr. Jorrocks, who thought it was another hurricane. "An old-fashioned custom we still jn-eserve," said Mr. Marniaduke casually, observing Mr. Jorrocks's astonish- ment ; '* that gong was brought by one of my ancestors from the holy wars — shall 1 kIiow you to y(Mir room ? " '■ If you please," said Mr. Jonocks. Our Master, of course, had the state room. T( was a large gloomy apartment, with a lofty four-post ))cd, whose toj) hangings wened at Croydon. The landlord o' the Grey-'ound told a wise waiter, when a Duke axed him a (iue.';tion, always to say Grace. A(;cording tlie Duko o' sonu^boily, in cliangin' 'osHCs, popped his "cad out o" the cliay, and inquired wot o'clock it was. — ' For wot we're a goiu' to receive the Lord make us truly thankful," rejilied the waiter." Mi-H. Miileygni})S fithcr did not niidorstand tho story. or was too intent u]>(>i\ ot her tilings; at all rncnts, Mr. Jorrocks's haw! haw! haw! was all tliat. gi-eeted lis arrival. — But it) dinner. There were two houi)8 — at least two ])lated tureens, one containing pea-soup, the othor nnifton-brof h. Mr. Jorrocks said he utl<'r at Ongar Castle lielping a pAtit dc fol.i i/rax ; and j)utl ing a.s mucli on to a plate as would miike about a mouthful and a half to ea«h person, lie sent Stiffiieck round with a fork to let i)eoj>le iielp them- selves. Fortiuiately for Mr. Joi-rorkH. neitlier Mr. nor MisB Dc Green, nor Mi«8 Slowau nor Mrs. Muleygnil)9 398 HANDLBY CROSS took any, and the untouched plate coming to him, he very coolly seized the whole, while the foot-boy returned to the dismayed Mr. Muleygriiibs for more. Putting- a few more scraps on a plate, Mr. Muleygrubs sent off the pie. lest any one should make a second attack. By dint of plying a good knife and fork, our friend cleared his plate just as the second course made its appearance. This consisted of a brace of partridges guarding a diminutive snipe at the top, and three links of black-pudding at the bottom — stewed celery, potato chips, putt's, and tartlets forming the side-dishes. " Humph ! " giamted our friend, eyeing each dish as it was uncovered. " Humph ! " repeated he— "not miich there — three shillins for the top dish, one for the bottom, and eighteen-pence, say, for the four sides — five and six — altogether— think I could do it for five. Howsomever, never mind," continued he, drawing the dish of game towards him. "Anybody for any gihicr, as we say in France?" asked he, driving his fork into the breast of the plumpest of the partridges. Nobody closed with the ott'er. " Pr'aps if you'd help it, and let it he handed round, some one will take some," suggested Mr. Muleygrubs. "Well," said Mr. Jorrocks, " I've no objection— none wotever— only, while these clumsey chaps o' yours are runnin' agin each other with it, the wittles are coolin' — that's all," said our master, placing half a partridge on a plate, and delivering it up to go on its travels. Thinking it cut well, Mr. Jorrocks placed the other half on his own plate, and taking a comprehensive sweep of the ciamibs and bread sauce, i^roceeded to make sure of the share Ijy eating a mouthful of it. He need not have been alarmed, for no one came for any, and he munched and cranchecl his portion in peace. He then eat the sni])e almost at a bite. " What will you take next, Mr. Jorrocks ? " asked his hostess, disgusted at his rapacity. " Thank "ee, mum, thank 'ee," replied he, munching and clearing his mouth ; " thank 'ee, mum," added he, " I'll take breath if you please, mum," added he, throwing himself back in his chair. " Have you killed many hares, Mr. Jorrocks P " now asked his persevering hostess, who was sitting on thoms as she saw an entering dish of blancmange toppling to its fall. " No, mum, none ! " responded our Master, vehemently, for he had an angry letter in his pocket from Captain ME. MAEMADUKE MULEYGRUBS 399 Slaughter's keeper, complaining bitterly of the recent devastation of his hounds — a calamity that of course the keeper made the most of, inasmuch as friend Jorrocks, as usual, had forgotten to give him his " tip." Our innocent hostess, however, never listened for the answer, for the blancmange having landed with the loss only of a corner tower, for it was in the castellated style of confectionery, she was now all anxiety to see what sort of a savoui-y omelette her drunken job-cook would furnish, to remove the black-puddings at the other end of the table. During this interval, our Master, having thrust his hands deep in the pockets of his canary-coloured shorts, reconnoitred the table to see who would either ask him to take wine, or who he should honour that way : but not seeing any very prepossessing phiz, and recollecting that Mrs. J. had told him the good old-fashioned custom was " wulgar," he was about to help himself from a (!on- veniently-placed decanter, when Stilfneck, seeing what he was at, dai-ted at the decanter, and xjassing behind Mr. JoiTOcks's chair, prepared to fill to his holding, when, missing his aim, lie first sluiced our Master's hand, and then shot a considerable quantity of sherry down his sleeve. " Hot ye, ye great lumberin' beggar! " exclaimed Mr. Jorrocks, furiously indignant; "rot ye, do ye think I'm like Miss Biffin, the unfortunate lady without harms or legs, that I can't 'elp myself?" continued he, dashing tlie wet out of liis spoon cult". " Now, that's the wust o' your flunkey fellers," continued he in a milder tone to Mrs. Muleygrubs, as the laughter the exclamation caused had subsided. " That's the wust o' your flunkey fellers," repeated he, mopping his arm ; " they know they'd never be fools enough to keep fellers to do notliin', and so tliey think they must be constantly meddlin'. Now, your women waiters are (juite different," continued lie ; " tiiey only try for the useful, and not for the iielogant. There's no flash 'bout them. If they see a tiling's under your nose, they let you reach it, and don't l)ring a dish that's steady on the tal)le round at your back to treml)le on their 'ands imder your nose, liosidos," addfMl our Master, " you never see a bosky Batsay waiter, which is more than can be said of all d(jg un's." " But you surely couldn't expect ladies to be waited upon by women, Mr. Jorrocks,' exclaimed his astonished hostess. "I would, though," replied our Muster, firmly, with u 400 IIANDLKY CROSS jerk of his head — " I would, though — I'd uot ouly 'ave them waited upon by women, but I'd have them served by women i' the shops, 'stead o' those nasty d;indilied counter-skippin' Jackanapes, wot set u\) their himjjer- ances in a way that makes one long to kick 'em." "How's that, Mr. J orrocks ? " asked the lady, with a smile at his if?norance. MK. JOEKOCKB GETS A LITTLK "Mi'-DEAUEU" DOWN HIS SLEEVE " 'Ow's that, mum ? " repeated our Master—" 'Ow's that ? Why, by makin' you run the gauntlet of pr'aps a double row o' these poopies, one holloain' out — ' Wot shall I show you to-day, mum ? ' Another, ' Now, mum ! French merino embroidered robes ! ' A third, ' Paisley and French wove shawls, mum ! or Russian sables ! chinchillas ! henuines ! ' or ' Wot's the next hai-ticle, mum ? ' as if a woman's— I bey pardon— a lady's wants ME. MARMADUKE MULEYGRUBS 401 were never to be satisfied— Oli dear, and with Cliristmas a comin' on." shuddered Mr. Jorrocks, with upraised hands ; '" wot a lot o' squabbles and contentions 'ill shortly be let loose upon the world — bonnets, ribbons, sarsnets, bombazeens, thing's that the poor paymasters expected 'ad come out of the 'ouse money, or been paid for long ago." While Mr. Jorrocks was mouoiiolizing the attention of the company by the foregoing domestic *' lector " as it may be called, the denounced domestics were cleanng away the sweets, and replacing them with a dish of red herrings, and a very strong-smelling, brown soapy- looking cheese. Our Master, notwithstanding his efforts, being still in an-ear with his appetite, thought to "fill up the chinks," as he calls it, with cheese, so he took a liberal snjjply as the plate came round— nearly the half of it, in fact. He very soon found out his mistake. It was strong, and salt, and leathery, very unlike what Paxton and Whitfield supplied him with. " Good cheese ! Mr. JoiTOcks," exclaimed his host, up the table ; " good cheese, eh P " " Humph I " grunted oiu- Master, munching languidly at it. '■ Excellent cheese, don't you think so, Mr. Jon-ocks ? " asked his host, boldly. " C-h-i-e-1-dren," di-awled our Master, pushing away his unfinished plate, " would eat any q-u-a-a-n-tity of it."' The clearing of tlie taljle helped to conceal the ill- Hujjpressed titter of the company. And now with the dessert came an iiilliix of little Mnleygrubs, who had hmg been on guard in the passage intercepting the return viands, much to the nurse's annoyance, lest they should stain tlieir red-ribboned white frocks, or disorder their well-plastered hair. The first glare of light being out of their eyes, they proceed to distribute tliemselves according to tlieir respective notions of good-natured faces; Magdalene Margery going to Mrs. Slowan, Leonora Lucretia to Miss De Green, and Victoria Jemima to Mr. JonockB, who forth- witii begins iiandling liei- as lie W(juld a hound. " And 'ow old are you, sir P" asks he, mistaking her sex. "That's a girl," explained Mrs. Mnleygrubs: "say fonr, my dear." Mr. JoiTockH.— "Charmin' child!" (aloud); (to him- self) "little bore." 402 HANDLEY CEOSS "And wot do they call you. my little dear?" asked lie : •" Gravity; — ' Notable,' — ' Habij^ail,' — ' Mischief,' p'rhaps P " added he, running over the names of some of his lady hounds. " No : Victoria." — " Victoria, what ? '' asked mamma. " Victoria Jemima," lisped the child. " All. Wictoria Jemima," repeated Mr. Jorrocks. THE .1UVENILE MULEXQEUB8 " Wictoi-ia Jemima — Wictoria arter the Queen. I pre- sume; Jemima arter who? arter mamma, 1 dessay." Mrs. Muleyf^rubs smiled assent. " Werry purty names both on 'em," observed Mr. Jor- rocks. " And 'ow many pinches did the nus give your cheeks to make them this pretty pink?" asks our Master, making a long arm at the figs. MR. MARMADUKE MULEYGRUBS 403 •*Thre-e-e," drawled the child. " Hush ! nonsense ! " frowned Mrs. Mnley^rubs, hold- incr xip a forefinger. •' She d-i-i-i-d ! " whined the child, to the convulsion of the company. "No, no, no," responded Mrs. Muleygrubs. with an ominous shake of the head, and trying to direct her attention to a dish of sticky sweets that were just placed within reach. " How many children have you, Mr. Jorrocks ? " now asked the lady, thinking to pay him off for some of his yaucheries. " 'Ow many chi-e-1-di-en' 'ave I, mum ? " repeated Mr. JoiTocks, thoughtfully. " Ow many chi-e-1-di-en 'ave I? Legally sjjeakin', mum, none. — Chi-e-1-dren," con- tinued oui- Master, dry-shaving his stubbly chin, "are certain cares, but werry uncertain comfoi-ts, as my old mother said when I hupset her snuff-box into the soup."' "Oh dear, I'm nfraid you've been a sad mischievous lx)y, Mr. JoiTOcks,"' observed the lady, motioning Stiff- neck to put the almond-backed sponge-cake rabbit straight on the taVde. " Poojjeys and buoys never good for nothin' unless they are — 'Opes yours are well fo\ind that way ? " The inquiry was lost upon the lady, who was now in a state of desperate tri]>ulation at seeing Stiffneck secundus bent on placing a second coiirse sweet on the table instead of the dessert dish. A significant cough and a slight inclination of the head drew Stiffneck's attention to the mistake, and our hostess has at length the satisfaction of seeing all things in thi'ir riglit places. Apjiles, pears, foreign grapes, all soi-ts of iiii wholesome fiiiit, having l>een duly hiiuded round, the wiiic^ iipxt set out on its travels ; and Mr. Jorrocks. wlio liad looked in vain for a water-biscuit, again turned his attention to the now lip-licking child. "Well, my little dear," said lie, stroking down her head, and then temnting her to rise to a piece of sponge-cake held ahove tier nose, " well, my little dear," repeated he, giving her it, "do you like barley-sugar H " " Yeth, and tliiigar candy," lisj>c